NationStates Jolt Archive

*Presses the Sam Adams button on the vending machine and gets another Budweiser. Quickly and deftly tears away the label.*

Here, Tribes. That was mean. Wash your mouth out with some Sam Adams. *hands him the labelless bottle.*

*Jocabia quickly recovers from the brick that hit him in the ribs. He looks around for a weapon and sees the zagnut. He unwraps the baby feces that passes for food and stuffs the loathsome substance into the mouth of a prostrate TTOL. Not satisfied that this is punishment enough he forces the mouth of TTOL closed making him bite into the vile, ungodly stuff called zagnut.*

You want below the belt?!? I'll give you below the belt!
*chewing on the rancid baby-turd of a bar, tribes fights the urge to projectile vomit all over himself, the floor, Joc, a nearby cow, the wall, and that CG, who is about 20m away. Then he realises - he can aim the vomit. Turning to Joc, he snatches another bar from nearby and forces it into his mouth, chewing forcefully and with tears in his eyes. Then, he swills some bud in there, turning the baby-faeces into baby-diahorrea. Then, at the moment of optimum stickiness, he swallows the vile concoction. Then vomits directly at Joc's face. The snot-like slime sticks to joc's face, completely covering his nose and mouth. Satisfied that Joc is suffering, tribes goes to wash himself out with Goliath beer and single malt*

I hope you're happy this is escalating. You sick bastar-*gets pelted by zagnut bars*

AAAAAH!!

*chewing on the rancid baby-turd of a bar, tribes fights the urge to projectile vomit all over himself, the floor, Joc, a nearby cow, the wall, and that CG, who is about 20m away. Then he realises - he can aim the vomit. Turning to Joc, he snatches another bar from nearby and forces it into his mouth, chewing forcefully and with tears in his eyes. Then, he swills some bud in there, turning the baby-faeces into baby-diahorrea. Then, at the moment of optimum stickiness, he swallows the vile concoction. Then vomits directly at Joc's face. The snot-like slime sticks to joc's face, completely covering his nose and mouth. Satisfied that Joc is suffering, tribes goes to wash himself out with Goliath beer and single malt*

I hope you're happy this is escalating. You sick bastar-*gets pelted by zagnut bars*

AAAAAH!!

Dude, you do realise you just improved the taste of that Bud about a hundred-fold right?

if you guys turn this into a political party thing, i hope your title is FEAR the Kazoo.........not hear the kazoo. just an idea.

if you guys turn this into a political party thing, i hope your title is FEAR the Kazoo.........not hear the kazoo. just an idea.

*Falls to his knees and worships*

Dude, you do realise you just improved the taste of that Bud about a hundred-fold right?
Yeah, but on a log scale of taste, a hundred fold increase only brings it up to the level of Carling Extra Cold.

*chewing on the rancid baby-turd of a bar, tribes fights the urge to projectile vomit all over himself, the floor, Joc, a nearby cow, the wall, and that CG, who is about 20m away. Then he realises - he can aim the vomit. Turning to Joc, he snatches another bar from nearby and forces it into his mouth, chewing forcefully and with tears in his eyes. Then, he swills some bud in there, turning the baby-faeces into baby-diahorrea. Then, at the moment of optimum stickiness, he swallows the vile concoction. Then vomits directly at Joc's face. The snot-like slime sticks to joc's face, completely covering his nose and mouth. Satisfied that Joc is suffering, tribes goes to wash himself out with Goliath beer and single malt*

I hope you're happy this is escalating. You sick bastar-*gets pelted by zagnut bars*

AAAAAH!!

*Jocabia falls backwards at the power of the vomit. He regains his feet and wanders with hands grasping at thin air trying to find a way to clean the vile substance from his face. Finally, his hands close on a bottle and he splatters a liquid on his face cleaning the scatalogical goo from his visage. Finally satisified that it's clean enough he looks down and see what looks like a beer bottle in his hand. Phew, he thinks, and takes a swig to clean out any remnants of the foul brew spewed forth by TTOL. He begins to gag.*

BUDWEISER!!! You son-of-a-revolting-beast!!! I will make you pay for that one!

*runs and hides behind some rocks to continue scheming*

if you guys turn this into a political party thing, i hope your title is FEAR the Kazoo.........not hear the kazoo. just an idea.
*licks occy, showing her his kilt*
i got pics... if you gimme somehwere to send'em

Yeah, but on a log scale of taste, a hundred fold increase only brings it up to the level of Carling Extra Cold.

*Shudders*

YOU GUYS RULE

as much as i would love to participate in this love fest- i cant follow alkong too well because i leave the computer every few minutes at work. that made it difficult. but i must say- i do read it.....and a fucking good read it makes. if CG wants any help with the writing of the edicts, let me know.

*Shudders*
I know. Antifreeze and urine just don't mix.

*licks occy, showing her his kilt*
i got pics... if you gimme somehwere to send'em
really? what chat server are you on?

I know. Antifreeze and urine just don't mix.

It's almost as bad as

*Whispers*

Fosters

really? what chat server are you on?


where you want me to be?

*pops out of #8 and into here*
YAWN...
*slumps into nearest couch*

*pops out of #8 and into here*
YAWN...
*slumps into nearest couch*
*pets op*

*walks over to mirror to apply eyeliner*

where you want me to be?

Taking a long walk off a short pier?

Hah, only joking.

But seriously, if you fancy a long walk and there's a short pier nearby, don't let me stop you.

Taking a long walk off a short pier?

Hah, only joking.

But seriously, if you fancy a long walk and there's a short pier nearby, don't let me stop you.
ok but you're going with me :p

where you want me to be?
hmmm. yahoo. llindalinda1031

It's almost as bad as

*Whispers*

Fosters
pulls ot a sixpack of his very own...
Homebrew...
[hallelujah chorus]

ok but you're going with me :p

Fair enough

*Puts on own scuba gear, hands Choq four weight belts*

Let's go.

hmmm. yahoo. llindalinda1031

I knew I could trick you into giving that to me. Now I can get 'secret' advice.

It's almost as bad as

*Whispers*

Fosters
*slaps*

Never mention that.....filth in this house of pain and damn good beer! Take thyself to the dungeons and punish thyself well...

*pets op*

*walks over to mirror to apply eyeliner*
*grins and purrs*

pulls ot a sixpack of his very own...
Homebrew...
[hallelujah chorus]

*Clouds part, illuminating the six pack in a beam of light. Angels can be heard singing in the background as Mac reaches for a pint*

Fair enough

*Puts on own scuba gear, hands Choq four weight belts*

Let's go.

not again.... *limps remembering last time*

*slaps*

Never mention that.....filth in this house of pain and damn good beer! Take thyself to the dungeons and punish thyself well...

*Forces himself to drink a whole pint of Carling Extra Cold*

*Clouds part, illuminating the six pack in a beam of light. Angels can be heard singing in the background as Mac reaches for a pint...*
*...but tribes slaps his hand away, then silently points to the dungeons*

Punishment first, beer later.

*reaches for a beer, trumpeters play, some deity or other puts a tentacle through the clouds and congratulates tribes*

*Forces himself to drink a whole pint of Carling Extra Cold*
I said punish yourself, not kill your soul.

*In a fever caused by vomit, David Hasselhoff and budweiser swill, Jocabia catches a nearby peasant and using strips of skin from another nearby, and now screaming, peasant creates a slingshot. He grabs a nearby (yes, yes, lots of things are nearby you'll notice) group of noble midgets, tells them that Tribes is the reason they're short, and, pressing them into a ball, launches them at TTOL with the slingshot.*

How ya like me now, Tribesy?

But, but, but, I just drank a whol pint of Extra Cold. Come ON.

*Heads off towards dungeon, slamming door behind him*

does everyone want me to request a thread lock for the two kazoos and start a new one?

does everyone want me to request a thread lock for the two kazoos and start a new one?

I want to finish my battle with Tribes first

does everyone want me to request a thread lock for the two kazoos and start a new one?
i'm ambivilant.
[hehe! i love that word!]

cg did it.

*In a fever caused by vomit, David Hasselhoff and budweiser swill, Jocabia catches a nearby peasant and using strips of skin from another nearby, and now screaming, peasant creates a slingshot. He grabs a nearby (yes, yes, lots of things are nearby you'll notice) group of noble midgets, tells them that Tribes is the reason they're short, and, pressing them into a ball, launches them at TTOL with the slingshot.*

How ya like me now, Tribesy?
*seeing the flying midgets screaming through their bullet-like path, tribes notices that Joc had an extreme amount of luck with nearby useful objects. Hypothesising that the instance of nearby objects is directly proportional to the amount of really hard wishing going on, tribes proceeds to wish really hard for a shotgun, three white phosphorous grenades and a fluffy bunny. Of DOOM. Unfortunately, nothing happens, and tribes is knocked over by the midgets. However, before they can recover, tribes has leapt to his knees and put a pair of shoes on his kneecaps, thus looking like a dwarf. Proclaiming himself as the dwarf king, he directs the battalion of axe-wielding mini-maniacs at Joc, calling him a tall devil. They follow the cause, blindly. With a little help from mister Bribe*

Right back at ya!

*seeing the flying midgets screaming through their bullet-like path, tribes notices that Joc had an extreme amount of luck with nearby useful objects. Hypothesising that the instance of nearby objects is directly proportional to the amount of really hard wishing going on, tribes proceeds to wish really hard for a shotgun, three white phosphorous grenades and a fluffy bunny. Of DOOM. Unfortunately, nothing happens, and tribes is knocked over by the midgets. However, before they can recover, tribes has leapt to his knees and put a pair of shoes on his kneecaps, thus looking like a dwarf. Proclaiming himself as the dwarf king, he directs the battalion of axe-wielding mini-maniacs at Joc, calling him a tall devil. They follow the cause, blindly. With a little help from mister Bribe*

Right back at ya!

*Finding a small (here the term is relative) group of giants nearby, Jocabia quickly helps them realize that the revolution is upon us. Shouting the battlecry of, 'Viva las altas', the giants charge into battle with the dwarves.*

*The Giant and Dwarf armies collide creating an earsplitting clamor as huge boot meets tiny kneecap and little pointy teeth rend flesh from enormous bone. Tribes and Jocabia sit back and watch the melee each satisfied that the other will be killed in the onslaught.*

*Suddenly the dwarves realize that Tribes is standing much taller than the tallest of them. Dissention spreads through the ranks and Jocabia eggs it on until he suddenly realizes the Giants are noticing he is smaller than their tiniest child. Tribes and Jocabia attempt to flee but are overcome by their large and miniscule pursuers. Their skin is peeled from their bones and stretched to form... VENDING MACHINES. By some horrible twist of the gods, the vending machines are marked to dispense Snickers bars (Tribes) and Samuel Adams Ale (Jocabia) but they actually only dispense Zagnuts and Budweiser.*

*Jocabia and TTOL spend the rest of eternity being pelted by unhappy vending machine patrons*

*Finding a small (here the term is relative) group of giants nearby, Jocabia quickly helps them realize that the revolution is upon us. Shouting the battlecry of, 'Viva las altas', the giants charge into battle with the dwarves.*

*The Giant and Dwarf armies collide creating an earsplitting clamor as huge boot meets tiny kneecap and little pointy teeth rend flesh from enormous bone. Tribes and Jocabia sit back and watch the melee each satisfied that the other will be killed in the onslaught.*

*Suddenly the dwarves realize that Tribes is standing much taller than the tallest of them. Dissention spreads through the ranks and Jocabia eggs it on until he suddenly realizes the Giants are noticing he is smaller than their tiniest child. Tribes and Jocabia attempt to flee but are overcome by their large and miniscule pursuers. Their skin is peeled from their bones and stretched to form... VENDING MACHINES. By some horrible twist of the gods, the vending machines are marked to dispense Snickers bars (Tribes) and Samuel Adams Ale (Jocabia) but they actually only dispense Zagnuts and Budweiser.*

*Jocabia and TTOL spend the rest of eternity being pelted by unhappy vending machine patrons*
*looks over at Joc through his new 'eye' (the coin slot)*

We really ballsed this one up, didn't we?

We sure did. We sure did. *theme music from The Brady Bunch plays as everyone learns a lesson.*


*Several years later... Tribes and Jocabia lament their fued and the painful penalty they now share. A young man walks up, thankful for the opportunity to down a frothy beverage on a hot day. He presses a button marked Samual Adams Ale and gets... BUD... WEIS... ERRRRR. He stares at it angrily and kicks the machine that gave him the maloderous liquid, bursting a bottle of budweiser inside the evil device. Through a small port in the back, Jocabia begins to vomit. TTOL nearly chokes laughing at the event.*

We sure did. We sure did. *theme music from The Brady Bunch plays as everyone learns a lesson.*


*Several years later... Tribes and Jocabia lament their fued and the painful penalty they now share. A young man walks up, thankful for the opportunity to down a frothy beverage on a hot day. He presses a button marked Samual Adams Ale and gets... BUD... WEIS... ERRRRR. He stares at it angrily and kicks the machine that gave him the maloderous liquid, bursting a bottle of budweiser inside the evil device. Through a small port in the back, Jocabia begins to vomit. TTOL nearly chokes laughing at the event.*
*laughing*

Ha! I've never seen a vending machine puke before! Ooh, look, it's all full of wiring and circuit boards...

*the young man hears tribes talking. Shocked, he asks 'What did you say?" Tribes, taking the advantage, says:*

Help me, please, I got turned into a zagnut dispensing vending machine!

*the young man listens carefully to the tale. He then leaves and does not return for several months. However, when he finally does return he has with him a big top tent and all of the tools and people involved in the whole fracas. The savvy young man then charges £5 admission to hear the tale of the tits who had a scrap and got turned into vending machines. Tribes looks at Joc*

What? I thought he could change us back!

*laughing*

Ha! I've never seen a vending machine puke before! Ooh, look, it's all full of wiring and circuit boards...

*the young man hears tribes talking. Shocked, he asks 'What did you say?" Tribes, taking the advantage, says:*

Help me, please, I got turned into a zagnut dispensing vending machine!

*the young man listens carefully to the tale. He then leaves and does not return for several months. However, when he finally does return he has with him a big top tent and all of the tools and people involved in the whole fracas. The savvy young man then charges £5 admission to hear the tale of the tits who had a scrap and got turned into vending machines. Tribes looks at Joc*

What? I thought he could change us back!

Hey, I'm not mad. At least they stopped kicking us. Stupid broken Budweisers. Who invented that swill?

*Everyone marvels at the talking vending machines. When they figure out that Budweiser is in fact swill, they decide that the vending machines are actually prophets. Soon there are large groups of people sitting before them waiting for their prophetic advice.*

*Tribes and Jocabia confer quietly making sure their sagelike advice is in fact sagelike. Thanks to them the world has already banned Budweiser and Budweiser related products. As a result there has been a severe decrease in the building of trailer parks and in the burning of crosses in front of churches. Men hardly ever sleep with their sisters in the new world created by TTOL and Jocabia. They are determined to make sure all changes they bring about are as objectively good.*

*TTOL starts to speak*

Hey, I'm not mad. At least they stopped kicking us. Stupid broken Budweisers. Who invented that swill?

*Everyone marvels at the talking vending machines. When they figure out that Budweiser is in fact swill, they decide that the vending machines are actually prophets. Soon there are large groups of people sitting before them waiting for their prophetic advice.*

*Tribes and Jocabia confer quietly making sure their sagelike advice is in fact sagelike. Thanks to them the world has already banned Budweiser and Budweiser related products. As a result there has been a severe decrease in the building of trailer parks and in the burning of crosses in front of churches. Men hardly ever sleep with their sisters in the new world created by TTOL and Jocabia. They are determined to make sure all changes they bring about are as objectively good.*

*TTOL starts to speak*
I bring thee forth thy commandments from the great prophets of beerdom!

1. Thou shalt drink no budweiser, carling, or any other foul excuse for malt brews. Neither shalt thou recreate these beers, for experimental purposes or otherwise.

2. Thou shalt destroy every sample of said fake beers, except those that reside within my good buddy Joc here.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of Guinness in vain - even Guinness extra cold. OK, so a little 'Extra cold' blasphemy wouldn't go a miss...but not too much - we don't want to damage the reputation of the holy black brew.

4. *hands over to Joc*

Did someone mention Guinness?

*Runs in*

*Fluffles Gael*

*Runs back to #9*

I bring thee forth thy commandments from the grat prophets of beerdom!

1. Thou shalt drink no budweiser, carling, or any other foul excuse for malt brews.

2. Thou shalt destroy every sample of said fake beers, except those that reside within my good buddy Joc here.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of Guinness in vain - even Guinness extra cold. OK, so a little 'Extra cold' blasphemy wouldn't go a miss...but not too much - we don't want to damage the reputation of the holy black brew.

4. *hands over to Joc*

4. Thou shalt NEVER eat pretzels with any brew. It is peanuts or nothing. If the world suddenly runs out of peanuts, then suffer for not better handling your resources, you sad lot.

5. Thou shalt rub lotions and oils on the skins of us vending machines, paying particular attention to the area right under the selection buttons. Aaaaaah, yeah, right there!

6. Thou shalt have no idol before us. Take this to mean, get that crude and hideous show American Idol off the telly.

7. *Tribes' turn*

4. Thou shalt NEVER eat pretzels with any brew. It is peanuts or nothing. If the world suddenly runs out of peanuts, then suffer for not better handling your resources, you sad lot.

5. Thou shalt rub lotions and oils on the skins of us vending machines, paying particular attention to the area right under the selection buttons. Aaaaaah, yeah, right there!

6. Thou shalt have no idol before us. Take this to mean, get that crude and hideous show American Idol off the telly.

7. *Tribes' turn*
7. Thou shalt celebrate every monday, thursday and saturday with 'Microbrewery Day' where thou shalt tasteth of the latest Microbrewery ale and giveth to thy sacred dispensers, lest we judge the beer.

8. Thou shalt createth a free hangover cure, and once created thou shalt circulate it for evermore.

9. Thou shalt indulge in the Holy 'Pub Lunch' on Sunday's, preferrably at a good steak and ale house.

10. *gives Joc the last commandment*

what the hell are you two doing in 7? i swear if we get 3 threads going at the same time again im going to spank everyone with a thorn stick

*Desperately looks for another thread to open*

what the hell are you two doing in 7? i swear if we get 3 threads going at the same time again im going to spank everyone with a thorn stick
*creates Reject Royal #10, 11 and 12*

Whoops. ¬_¬

7. Thou shalt celebrate every monday, thursday and saturday with 'Microbrewery Day' where thou shalt tasteth of the latest Microbrewery ale and giveth to thy sacred dispensers, lest we judge the beer.

8. Thou shalt createth a free hangover cure, and once created thou shalt circulate it for evermore.

9. Thou shalt indulge in the Holy 'Pub Lunch' on Sunday's, preferrably at a good steak and ale house.

10. *gives Joc the last commandment*

10. Thou shalt never be the first to fall asleep on the Sacred Party, to be held every thursday from 10PM until everyone passes out at Murphy's on the corner of Main and First, lest ye have your leg hairs burned and the word balls drawn on your forehead in permanent marker.

Take these commandments and use them to create a more perfect world, where dogs and cats play in a way that scares the mice away, where we long for darkness so we may better appreciate the light and where large-breasted and topless women are constantly prostrate before Tribes and myself as we are your one and only source of enlightment.

Yay 1300! Go us! Go us!

Yay 1300! Go us! Go us!

OOC: *High fives* We kept 'em watching us for days, Man. Good job.

OOC: *High fives* We kept 'em watching us for days, Man. Good job.
Now we need to get you to 1300 posts too :p

*frowns and taps her foot at castlemates*

get over to 9 or its joc-n-tribes stew for dinner

*frowns and taps her foot at castlemates*

get over to 9 or its joc-n-tribes stew for dinner

Oh, whatever, we made you laugh and you know it!!!

*frowns and taps her foot at castlemates*

get over to 9 or its joc-n-tribes stew for dinner
So, what you're saying is...

...you want to eat us both.

*continues in #7*

OOC: 1 more for Joc!

So, what you're saying is...

...you want to eat us both.

*continues in #7*

OOC: 1 more for Joc!
*relishes the thought of being eaten by Peeches* Now that would be a switch.

*follows tribes*

OOC: Did it in the main thread. Thanks for pointing it out!

So, what you're saying is...

...you want to eat us both.






well ya thats obvious...

no its just that we have 3 reject threads going and the last thing we need is to get a complaint from someone about all the reject threads in general. im just trying to keep us from getting swatted by the mod stick....they are huge you know.

well ya thats obvious...

no its just that we have 3 reject threads going and the last thing we need is to get a complaint from someone about all the reject threads in general. im just trying to keep us from getting swatted by the mod stick....they are huge you know.
OK, I'll stop posting.

Oh damni-*gets hit by rocks*

well ya thats obvious...

no its just that we have 3 reject threads going and the last thing we need is to get a complaint from someone about all the reject threads in general. im just trying to keep us from getting swatted by the mod stick....they are huge you know.

You hear that, mods, she thinks you have really BIG 'sticks'

OK, I'll stop posting.

Oh damni-*gets hit by rocks*


i bet those were Mod rocks....


*runs away from thread #7*