NationStates Jolt Archive

Holy crap. We actually rock now. That kinda came out of nowhere.

Didn't it though. Congratulations.

IC, of course, my team positively seethes with resentment.

OOC: Ditto
IC: Extremely ditto 8)

Interesting to see four new teams in the finals. Let's hope they don't receive fearful beatings.

Why not? :twisted:

Because that might discourage their further development.

Of course we both speak from biased positions here :D

you can talk like TnUI but your not gonna fool me into thinking you actually are them :p

I'm not am I? :lol:

Because that might discourage their further development.

Of course we both speak from biased positions here :D

Are they even alive?

PS Important News (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=59772)

I'm confused.

There will be playoffs between the nine third-place finishers for six spots? Is that right?

How about playoffs among the 12 best non-qualifiers for those six spots?

Also, is Spaam dead? Does that mean there is an extra spot?

I think 3 groups of 3, top 2 go through. Spaam's alive.

I like the idea of the best non-qualifiers, not the best third-place teams.

Back to RL, and the World Cup in 1986.

They had the four best third-place teams in the groups qualifying, and what we had was Portugal coming fourth and last in their group, and on their way out, with two points and a goal difference of -2. So did third-in-their-group Poland. Uruguay, third in their group, had two points and a goal difference of -5. But because the other two third-placed sides (Northern Ireland and one other) had only one point, they went through, but Portugal didn't. :roll:

The round robin 3rd place tournament is actually already scheduled, and Lem's still up for result generating. I know, I'm sorry. Now I have to go to New Mexico. Heh.

The Scuttlebutt today:

"Yesterday, on news that the Hooligans might have to play a set of matches to determine which 6 of the 9 third place sides qualify for WC6, the Snub Nose 38 Economy collapsed. Despite an excellent qualifying campaign, and finishing with as many wins as some sides that took 1st or 2nd in their groups, and being the 3rd place side with the most points, the Hooligans learned they might have to play a set of matches to determine which 6 of the 9 third place sides qualify for WC6.
Today it was announced by WC6 hosts Kingsford that there is no question, the final six spots in WC6 will be filled by a round robin 3rd place tournament. The Minister of Finance and Board Games announced that the mortgage on the country is being foreclosed. Snub Nose 38 has been given 24 hours to pay off the mortgage, or face eviction.
In the event of eviction, please move in an orderly fashion to the nearest exit from the country. Walk, do not run."

OOC: Que sera, sera :wink:

LMAO:D

OOC: I think SN38 is a bit unlucky not to be in automatically, good luck to them! :D

see post below by Kaze Progressa. I somehow managed to botch the quoting thing. :oops:

OOC: Wahoo - I held on to top spot :D
BTW when do rankings get updated? Is it before the actual cup itself or will I still be ranked 49 in WC6?

Official ranking changes have to wait until WC6 is over, because the results of ongoing games MIGHT effect other rating.

That better?

Sorrry about the delayed post. I haven't been near a computer for the last week, but I just read my telegrams and saw that Svecia beat Brazillico. WOO HOO!!!

OOC: While Snub Nose 38, and the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, are extremely upset (to the point of some very childish behavior) about the "controversy" over which 6 more teams will move on to actual WC6 competition, I (the game player) am just having fun with it. Whatever the rules is, they is. 8)

The round robin 3rd place tournament is actually already scheduled, and Lem's still up for result generating. I know, I'm sorry. Now I have to go to New Mexico. Heh.

Wha--? You're kidding me, right?

The round robin 3rd place tournament is actually already scheduled, and Lem's still up for result generating. I know, I'm sorry. Now I have to go to New Mexico. Heh.

Wha--? You're kidding me, right?

Question - Is the government of Lemmitania asking the government of Kingsford this question ("You're kidding me, right?") with regard to the immenent departure of Kingsford for New Mexico, OR with regard to the round robin 3rd place tournament?

Here in Snub Nose 38, inquiring minds want to know. We've already begun packing, and plotted out the route to the nearest exit from the country. If the treasury can't pay of the mortgage - well, let's just say the banker in question has a long, drooping mustache, and wears a black cape and a tall black hat. BUT...if...then...we won't have to move.

:?: :?: :?:

I really think that it would be best to simply go with the best record. Think about the question over who finished second and who finished third in the qualifying rounds. We didn't have them play each other even though they were in separate groups, we just went with their scores, even if one was in a harder group. That is simply the way things go. Teams sometimes get put in groups of death, that is the luck of the draw.

On another issue, I think that there should be some sort of rankings change for teams that do well in qualifying. In the long run, we should have all nations in qualifying, even if they are going to be in the next cup. It is sort of ridiculous that twelve games just got played that will in no way influence our overall rankings. It cannot just be done by the cup, qualifiers need to be looked at as well.
OOC: This is not just because it would benefit me, I think that even if I bombed qualifiers I would feel this way. The Cup is a bad way to rank teams anyways, look at the surprises teams sometimes pull in the Cups, in real life as well.

WC6 Qualification Apparently Still Uncertain

The Bedistan Lions' wins in their final two qualifying matches at home, played against Alhana Catherine and Aquilla, fell just short of being sufficient to boost the team into second place in Group 6. The Lions trail the Ironchefk team by a single goal -- Ironchefk has a goal differential of +10 to our team's +9.

People all over the world have been wondering what will be done to determine the final six WC6 slots. The most widely heard rumor was that the six best-performing of the nine third-place teams would move on. However, a claim made earlier by the government of Kingsford, the nation hosting the Cup, seems to refute this theory, instead stating that an additional round of games among these nine nations will determine which six move on. If this is the case, our team may still have to play as many as eight additional games to determine whether they will qualify or not.

"Well, I don't know what to say," said team coach Jim Parker. "I figure the eight auto-qualifiers are probably ready to get this thing underway, and I don't think we should delay any longer than necessary. Just let the top six go on and be done with it." He denied that his statement had anything to do with the fact that the team is ranked second out of all the third-place teams.

We will bring you the final verdict as soon as it arrives.

1. I really think that it would be best to simply go with the best record. Think about the question over who finished second and who finished third in the qualifying rounds. We didn't have them play each other even though they were in separate groups, we just went with their scores, even if one was in a harder group. That is simply the way things go. Teams sometimes get put in groups of death, that is the luck of the draw.

2. On another issue, I think that there should be some sort of rankings change for teams that do well in qualifying. In the long run, we should have all nations in qualifying, even if they are going to be in the next cup. It is sort of ridiculous that twelve games just got played that will in no way influence our overall rankings. It cannot just be done by the cup, qualifiers need to be looked at as well.
OOC: This is not just because it would benefit me, I think that even if I bombed qualifiers I would feel this way. The Cup is a bad way to rank teams anyways, look at the surprises teams sometimes pull in the Cups, in real life as well.

1. It's up to the hosts.

2. The reason there have been so many games is coz K did stupidly large groups :P with double the normal amount of games. Anyway it was 14 games and your ranking isn't really that big an influence.

*wants to start the cup already*

I like the idea of the best non-qualifiers, not the best third-place teams.

Back to RL, and the World Cup in 1986.

They had the four best third-place teams in the groups qualifying, and what we had was Portugal coming fourth and last in their group, and on their way out, with two points and a goal difference of -2. So did third-in-their-group Poland. Uruguay, third in their group, had two points and a goal difference of -5. But because the other two third-placed sides (Northern Ireland and one other) had only one point, they went through, but Portugal didn't. :roll:

that makes sense tbh. Instead of:

"two third-placed sides had only one point, they went through, but Portugal didn't. :roll:"

An equaly irrelevant arguement could be: "Northern Ireland got knocked out despite finishing third in their group, even though Portugal had one flukey win and two straight defeats :roll:"

it lessens the complexity having the third-placed thing, in a world cup group you have to beat the teams in your group, if you dont then you run the risk of going out. its that simple. To quote some dude:

"Football is a simple game made complicated by fools"

On another issue, I think that there should be some sort of rankings change for teams that do well in qualifying. In the long run, we should have all nations in qualifying, even if they are going to be in the next cup. It is sort of ridiculous that twelve games just got played that will in no way influence our overall rankings. It cannot just be done by the cup, qualifiers need to be looked at as well.


Your right in the second point; the 14 games played WOULD effect FIFA's rankings, but the rankings for NS football dictate exactly how good a team is, it isnt a meaningless statistic like FIFA's ranking system.

Qualifiers do influence the ranks immensely, but after the world cup. If the rankigns were changed immediately after qualifiers, then we would have a world cup where teh lowest ranked team would be 32, and as you can see from the standings, that would mean teams like _AMP maybe getting a rank of 28 or so when all theyve done is come through a group of equally crap teams (including me :D). It would basically be rank-condencing, which we dont do anymore because its unrealistic.

TnUI may give Audioslavia a hard time for being "dumb," but he (Aud) certainly has an excellent grasp of the correlation between NS and RL football. Among other things.

OR with regard to the round robin 3rd place tournament?

That one. Sez Peat Lemming, our venerable (and venerated) Governor-general:

"Okay, now, we signed on to post the results for y'all while the gov't of Kingsford was indisposed. Nobody ever said nothin' about the whole lot of 'em taking a vacation to Mexico, now. And what's this business about 'The round robin 3rd place tournament is actually already scheduled'? First I've heard of it."

This WC has been taking entirely too long as it is. Why didn't Kingsford notify us as to his frequent vacations? What an inconsiderate ****.

<OOC>Okay, if I'm officially going to do a round-robin of the 9 3rd-place teams, I'm gonna do it in one fell swoop and announce the freakin' results all at once. Can one or two of the WCC members confirm if they want me to do that? And when the hell is Kingsford getting back from New Mexico? Is someone going to start hosting the actual Cup? Is it all going to be finished by the time he gets back? Or is this all some sick, sick joke on me? 'Cause if all 79 of you are in on this, laughing at me, I'm going to invade the whole lot of you and leave your stinkin' nations in ruins!</OOC>

<OOC>Okay, if I'm officially going to do a round-robin of the 9 3rd-place teams, I'm gonna do it in one fell swoop and announce the freakin' results all at once. Can one or two of the WCC members confirm if they want me to do that? And when the hell is Kingsford getting back from New Mexico? Is someone going to start hosting the actual Cup? Is it all going to be finished by the time he gets back? Or is this all some sick, sick joke on me? 'Cause if all 79 of you are in on this, laughing at me, I'm going to invade the whole lot of you and leave your stinkin' nations in ruins!</OOC>

OOC: I would say that more like 50 of us were in on it, the others were just along for the ride. It's pretty funny though, isn't it?

On another issue, I think that there should be some sort of rankings change for teams that do well in qualifying. In the long run, we should have all nations in qualifying, even if they are going to be in the next cup. It is sort of ridiculous that twelve games just got played that will in no way influence our overall rankings. It cannot just be done by the cup, qualifiers need to be looked at as well.


Your right in the second point; the 14 games played WOULD effect FIFA's rankings, but the rankings for NS football dictate exactly how good a team is, it isnt a meaningless statistic like FIFA's ranking system.

Qualifiers do influence the ranks immensely, but after the world cup. If the rankigns were changed immediately after qualifiers, then we would have a world cup where teh lowest ranked team would be 32, and as you can see from the standings, that would mean teams like _AMP maybe getting a rank of 28 or so when all theyve done is come through a group of equally crap teams (including me :D). It would basically be rank-condencing, which we dont do anymore because its unrealistic.

That makes a certain amount of sense, but I still think that ALL nations should be in the qualifiers, and ranking change somewhat as a result. I'm not saying that the team which finishes qualifiers should then be first, but there should be some way of making them count a bit. The World Cup should be the big one, but there should be a way to figure both the World Cup and the qualifying rounds into the ranking system.

Feature article from the McKillops Bridge New Statesman weekend magazine:

http://www.newstatesman.com/graphics/ns/images/head_logo.gif

YOUNG STAR PONDERS FUTURE

http://www.ginaschofield.net/green_eyes_close_up.jpg

The Errinundera football team has had a rocky road to the World Cup 6 tournament getting under way shortly in Kingsford. Up and coming McKillops Bridge star, snapier, seems to have cemented her role as official team substitute. We spoke with her on the eve of WC6. You'll discover that an 18 year old can be an amazing sophisticate.

McKBNS: Football is only a sideline in your life, isn't it?

snapier: I don't think sideline is the correct word. It is very important to me, one of the major aspects of my career. But it isn't everything.

McKBNS: Well, you're prominent as a refugee activist.

snapier: Many other nations don't treat their people as well as Errinundera does. Take Quohog for example. You visit there and everything seems fine on the surface. The people have every modern convenience and the public services, while they can't be compared with Errinundera's, are quite good. But if someone steps out of line - pow! - the whole family may be liquidated. And other nations aren't so subtle. The people who come downstream into McKillops Bridge are often in a terrified state, often unwell and usually the only possessions they have are the clothes on their back.

McKBNS: So you think Errinundera's a good place to be.

snapier: Yes and no. We can be extremely righteous and hypocritical. And yes, it's great that Errinundrians hate people who take themselves too seriously, but sometimes we don't take things seriously enough.

McKBNS: You've started a degree in magistracy at the McKillops Bridge Polytechnic.

snapier: Errinundrian Law fascinates me. I see myself as having a career in advocacy. The two magistrates in Ellery Camp, oshanep and sgordon have been inspirational role models for me. These women have come from a minority group and have revolutionized the way magistrates treat the law.

McKBNS: And you've had short stories published, you're a photographic model, a Buddhist and a nightclub rager. Where do you find the time for everything?

snapier: I don't know. Who knows where the time goes?

McKBNS: To football. The qualifying situation for WC6 has become a farce, hasn't it?

snapier: You're not wrong. In the latter part of the qualifying series we thought we were gone for all money. Then we pulled it together in the last few rounds and scraped into third position in our group. From earlier announcements we thought we had qualified by finishing 6th amongst the 3rd placegetters. Then various members of the WCC started releasing very confusing and contradictory press statements. The idea of a round robin of the 9 third placegetters seems to be in fashion at the moment. We can live with that even though it is disappointing after we had thought we had qualified. If a round robin is held it's entirely up to us, so we won't complain. Just lately, though, there have been suggestions that the best six non-qualifiers will go forward regardless of where they finished. That would mean the end for us. That would be disappointing after the expectations that have been raised.

McKBNS: Your performance so far?

snapier: It'd be nice to spend more time on the grass. But I'm happy to do whatever fionar asks. They're a sensational team. The other women are an inspiration to me. How many other World Cup teams have women in all the leadership positions? None, I'll warrant. I'm happy with my form. fionar told me from the start that the team's intention is to blood me this series. She says everyone thinks I've got an exciting future ahead of me. I hope I can live up to their expectations.

McKBNS: And McKillops Bridge.

snapier: The NationStates Champions tournament was a hoot. We ended up in the top 8. It was great to do better than Ellery Camp for once. We're getting fed up finishing second to them in the first division here. The recruitment of sorais and nyleptha is a big plus. Next year we aim to give Ellery Camp a shellacking. Football is exciting at the moment. There are lot of fantastic young players coming through at the club and national level. It's great to be part of that.

OOC: The teams: http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=47763&highlight=cup+6+archive

In case you haven't added yours yet. :)

IC:
Yasmina Jones (8 pm news): "And in sport, the Ariddian football team are preparing to begin World Cup 6. Commentators have pointed out this is a much renewed, younger team, many players having not yet made their mark on international football. Supporters are eager to see the Cup begin."

(OOC: Perhaps we should have just asked New Mexico to host the cup for us........Get to the Cup Already!)

That makes a certain amount of sense, but I still think that ALL nations should be in the qualifiers, and ranking change somewhat as a result. I'm not saying that the team which finishes qualifiers should then be first, but there should be some way of making them count a bit. The World Cup should be the big one, but there should be a way to figure both the World Cup and the qualifying rounds into the ranking system.

But the qualifying rounds do count a lot, as Giant Zuchini may well testify when if he goes out of the playoffs and enters WC7 with a rank of 50 rather than 10. Having ranking changes between Qualifiers and World Cup i believe is needless, because i doubt teams will actually get any better in NS football seing as they have the same players.

As for the 'all nations' thing well i almost completely agree, but the hosts should absoloutely definately qualify automatically, and possibly the reigning champions. In RL only 1 or 2 teams qualify automaticallly and i thought we were going to do this in WC6 but Kalamity Kingsford didnt seem to bother :p

...Or is this all some sick, sick joke on me?...
...I'm going to invade the whole lot of you and leave your stinkin' nations in ruins!...

1. This is actually "World Cup 6, hosted by Spaam and Kingsford (doing business as Lemmitania)".

2. Recommend you commit only a small force (one, maybe two soldiers) to the invasion of Snub Nose 38, as we are currently in the process of vacating the country anyway, having received an eviction notice.

3. Round robin it is, then. Put down a robin, us nine 3rd place sides will gather 'round it, and...

Well, if I haven't heard anything to the contrary from any WCC members (TnUI, Tanah Burung, Brazillico, Ariddia, and even Alasdair I Frosticus have yet to weigh in) by this evening, I'll run the round-robin tournament. 36 games in 72 minutes. I hope you third-place teams are ready. Probably some of your players will die of exhaustion.

And then the tournament will begin. Tomorrow. Yeah, riiiiight.

I think it would be appropriate for Halfassedstates to host, at this point.

1. This is actually "World Cup 6, hosted by Spaam and Kingsford (doing business as Lemmitania)".

You ain't frickin' kiddin, brother.

2. Recommend you commit only a small force (one, maybe two soldiers) to the invasion of Snub Nose 38

Two soldiers? Are you insane? That's our entire army! We're not going to put our entire army in one theater, when we've got 79 countries to invade! For you, we'll be throwing a shoe. The shoe will land just inside your border and then conquer you!

Hehe 36 games in 72 minutes. Impossible. 36 *results* in 72 minutes, that's more like it. :)

Hehe 36 games in 72 minutes. Impossible. 36 *results* in 72 minutes, that's more like it. :)

Nope, the games themselves will be compressed. 45 seconds/half, plus penalty time. Players will be moving at 60 times their normal speed in order to acocmplish this. Thus the likelihood of deaths by exhaustion.

LMAO, knock yourself out. I won't be here.

36 games in 72 minutes. I hope you third-place teams are ready. Probably some of your players will die of exhaustion.

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans are ready. We have one simple request. Please, no tests for prohibited substances. *passes out the steroids*

Two soldiers? Are you insane? That's our entire army! We're not going to put our entire army in one theater, when we've got 79 countries to invade! For you, we'll be throwing a shoe. The shoe will land just inside your border and then conquer you!
Better make it a boot - we intend to put up stiff resistance.
8)

Two soldiers? Are you insane? That's our entire army! We're not going to put our entire army in one theater, when we've got 79 countries to invade! For you, we'll be throwing a shoe. The shoe will land just inside your border and then conquer you!
Better make it a boot - we intend to put up stiff resistance.
8)

The shoe has been upgraded to a steel toe boot. Your nation is toast!!!!1111!!111one!!11!~2???!!

LMAO :D

Exhaustion is fun to see. As are steel toe boot attacks.

36 games in 72 minutes. I hope you third-place teams are ready. Probably some of your players will die of exhaustion.

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans are ready. We have one simple request. Please, no tests for prohibited substances. *passes out the steroids*


All players will be administered an experimental "cardio-accelerator" before the matches begin. This will speed up their heart rates to approximately 3600bpm, allowing them to achieve the speed of movement necessary to play the games at the approved rate.

Along with your scores, you will be informed of which players' hearts have exploded. If you have high-speed mechanical replacement hearts, and you want to install them before the matches begin, let me know. There will not be enough time during the matches to make heart-substitutions.

Unless, of course, your surgical team has been administered the cardio-accelerator as well.

LMAO :D

Exhaustion is fun to see. As are steel toe boot attacks.

I'm putting you on the list of natrions to invade, KP. As we're running short on footwear, you will be invaded by a large ball of pocket fluff.

Uh-oh :shock: :cry:

Hehe 36 games in 72 minutes. Impossible. 36 *results* in 72 minutes, that's more like it. :)

Nope, the games themselves will be compressed. 45 seconds/half, plus penalty time. Players will be moving at 60 times their normal speed in order to acocmplish this. Thus the likelihood of deaths by exhaustion.

May I suggest one little psychetropic drug from Tanah Burung by the name of depa. Just don't overdose - bodily organs start digesting themselves.
8)

1. This is actually "World Cup 6, hosted by Spaam and Kingsford (doing business as Lemmitania)".

You ain't frickin' kiddin, brother.

2. Recommend you commit only a small force (one, maybe two soldiers) to the invasion of Snub Nose 38

Two soldiers? Are you insane? That's our entire army! We're not going to put our entire army in one theater, when we've got 79 countries to invade! For you, we'll be throwing a shoe. The shoe will land just inside your border and then conquer you!

Errinundera is ranked 72,117th in the world for Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector.

The pocket fluff or belly button lint you send our way won't find much resistance. 72,117th in the whole world isn't bad when you consider our population exceeds 1.3 billion. (How they all fit in trees is a bit difficult to figure out.) I reckon we only rated that high because they counted kitchen and garden implements as possible weapons. :roll:

lemmy, why not just get my army to invade them? *coughsecondbestarmsmanufacturerintheregioncough*

mwuha, we have bigger toes, and bigger pieces of fluff than you can EVER imagine :D MWUHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans play in a regional league that includes a side made up entirely of robots. We have discovered that our jerseys fit them perfectly. This is, of course, just a point of information and is completely unrelated to the topic under discussion.

On another note, we simply have no defense to a steel-toe boot. Prepartion of the surrender document is underway.

(How they all fit in trees is a bit difficult to figure out.)

...lots of trees? :roll:

The pocket fluff or belly button lint you send our way won't find much resistance. 72,117th in the whole world isn't bad when you consider our population exceeds 1.3 billion. (How they all fit in trees is a bit difficult to figure out.) I reckon we only rated that high because they counted kitchen and garden implements as possible weapons. :roll:

ditto with the population, only we are 10,225th in arms manufacturing :twisted:

Sorrry about the delayed post. I haven't been near a computer for the last week, but I just read my telegrams and saw that Svecia beat Brazillico. WOO HOO!!!

Yeah, but who didn't? :wink:

If you're planning on invading Quohog, you might want to think about sending one of your two soldiers in. We have a population of 1.026 and are 271st in the world for Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector. Then again, you might feel that two boots will do, we'll see.

If you're planning on invading Quohog, you might want to think about sending one of your two soldiers in. We have a population of 1.026 and are 271st in the world for Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector. Then again, you might feel that two boots will do, we'll see.

They're very tough boots. But I think we'll use one of our soldiers on you.

I'm reconsidering invading Audioslavia and Tha Machine, seeing as they're technically allies, being in the same region and all. Plus Aud being big and tough, I'd need one whole soldier just to whip them. But if we don't have to devote a soldier to Aud, that makes our deployments a hell of a lot easier.

In fact, considering that they offered to help our invasion scheme, I think we'll definitely forego invading them. Audioslavia, if you could lend us the borry of a few dozen steel-toed boots (we're all out), that would really help us kick these goons into line.

But the qualifying rounds do count a lot, as Giant Zuchini may well testify when if he goes out of the playoffs and enters WC7 with a rank of 50 rather than 10. Having ranking changes between Qualifiers and World Cup i believe is needless, because i doubt teams will actually get any better in NS football seing as they have the same players.

As for the 'all nations' thing well i almost completely agree, but the hosts should absoloutely definately qualify automatically, and possibly the reigning champions. In RL only 1 or 2 teams qualify automaticallly and i thought we were going to do this in WC6 but Kalamity Kingsford didnt seem to bother :p

I agree that the ranks shouldn't change between Qualifiers and the Cup, but I do think that performance in them should be taken into account when the rankings change after the cup. The Cup should be the most important thing, but we should still take them into account so that those who did well but bombed in the Cup would still end up with a decent rank.

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

5. Oglethorpia - ass kicked with unkind words

6. TnUI - ass kicked with sarcasm

7. Pure Evil - ass kicked by crappy luck

8. Liverpool England - ass kicked by a belt buckle

9. Giant Zucchini - ass kicked by half a pencil we found in our pocket

10. The Belmore Family - ass kicked by left sock

11. Aquilla, baby - ass kicked by French erotic cream-whipper

12. Haraki - ass kicked by other half of pencil (leftover from Giant Zucchini asskicking)

13. Runaway Moose - ass kicked by hat

14. Bedistan - ass kicked by business end of a pack of Juicy Fruit

15. Lunatic Goofballs - ass kicked by Audrey Hepburn’s name on a wadded-up piece of paper, mailed to Goofball Island

16. Europa Brittania - ass kicked by Ion Cannon
note to EB: can you lend us an Ion Cannon?

17. Tanah Burung - ass kicked by sneaker that was originally earmarked for SN38 asskicking

18. Audioslavia - asskicking rescinded

19. LordSquall - Dude, LordSquall is nuts. I’m not even bothering with him.

20. Timway - ass kicked by handful of raisinettes

21. Nevershadow - After all the b****ing Nevershadow did on the WC6 signup thread about whether they’d been added to the list, you’d think they might have posted a couple of match RPs. Ass kicked by rubber hose. You didn’t think we had rubber hose technology, did you? Well, we do.

22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!

23. Ironchefk - ass kicked by some bad sushi. You didn’t think we had bad sushi technology, did you? Well, we do!

24. Dennisov - ass kicked by the slow descent into obscurity

25. Spaam - ass kicked by Al Quds syndrome, apparently

26. Ravenspire - ass kicked by another boot we found. Didn’t think we had another boot, did you? Hah!

27. One Red Dot - ass kicked by an extra button from our shirt

28. Copiosa Scotia - ass kicked by the sudden rise from obscurity

29. Brazillico - who do you think we’ve been saving our other soldier for? Ass kicked by another entire Lemmitanian soldier!

30. Tha Machine - see Audioslavia

31. BK_Samurai - ass kicked by-- oh, never mind. Why kick the dead?

32. Ariddia - ass kicked by, um, lemme find something here... AH! This laptop computer! Yeah, that’ll do.

33. Squornshelous - Hah! After updating Aquilla's asskicking, we had a sock left over! Ass kicked by right sock!!

34. Gesamtkuntswerk - ass kicked with English-German/German-English dictionary (missing German-English half, but it's still pretty heavy)

78. Kingsford - ass collectively kicked by every nation in the tournament

*snub nose 38 is seen slinking off, holding a bag of ice to the...um...afflicted area.*

Nations that have had their assed kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

Press release from the Quohog government: Yes, we lost the war, but we should be proud that they committed an entire soldier to us.

Looks like Lemmy is gonna get 1,000 replies in a World Cup thread, maybe it'll start soon :lol:

This is the World Cup of what, again?

Nations that have had their assed kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

Haha! Oglethorpia escapes the ass-kicking!

Haha! Oglethorpia escapes the ass-kicking!

See above, dude.

This is the World Cup of what, again?

A question Gil has asked more than once.

EDIT: after reading my TGs, the format and schedule have been placed on hold.

Haha! Oglethorpia escapes the ass-kicking!

See above, dude.

Oohhhhh, he edits it.

Cheap.

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

Cripes.
http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/sprachlos/speechless-smiley-023.gif

OOC: Roll them dice. (them figurative dice, that is)

Note: On page 41 of WC5, the round of 16 was beginning

All right, here is the schedule for the round-robin of 3rd-place teams. If anybody sees any errors, let me know. Results will be generated and posted tonight.

I don't know what time zone you're in.

Erm, how many hours away?

Thanks. :?

*The Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders, in the interest of brevity, and in the spirit of the occassion, rev themselves up to 60 times normal speed, and rush out onto the...pitcheS...somehow (we think they're using an Instantaneous Matter Transmitter that they have borrowed from one of our futuristic fellow nationstates) all at the same time. They begin/finish/start/complete/are in the middle of/simultaneously "cheer":*

"Snub - HORRAH!!
Cobra Cult – BOO!!
Nose - HORRAY!!
Errinundera - BOO!!
Thirty - HORRAH!!
Nevershadow – BOO!!
Eight - HORRAY!!
Giant Zucchini - BOO!!
Hooligans - HORRAH!!
Bedistan – BOO!!
We'll Beat 'cha - HORRAY!!
Chakra -BOO!!
If necesary - HORRAH!!
Gesamkuntswerk – BOO!!
With a Stick - HORRAY!!
Tiburon - BOO!!"

*the hooligan cheerleaders, having completed their "cheer" without taking a breath, collapse in a heap. several disinterested passersby chuck a couple vegetables on the heap.*

All right, here is the schedule for the round-robin of 3rd-place teams. If anybody sees any errors, let me know. Results will be generated and posted tonight.

I don't know what time zone you're in.

Erm, how many hours away?

Thanks. :?

+14, to you. So, lessee, it's 2:51 pm here, that'd make it midnight:51 Thursday night/Friday morning where you are, right?

+14, to you. So, lessee, it's 2:51 pm here, that'd make it midnight:51 Thursday night/Friday morning where you are, right?

Oh, but you probably meant how many hours away from now. About 8 would be my guess. Right as you're getting up to head off to work, or wherever it is you go each day. They do have "work" in Oz, right? :)

Lem, are you in the eastern time zone (US)?

Lem, are you in the eastern time zone (US)?

That's Eastern Time Zone (NA), to be fair to our Canadian friends. :wink:

Oh, and yes. To answer the question.

Okay, apologies to anyone who read my previous post on the round-robin schedule. Per Tanah Burung, I'm going with the much-less-labor-intensive 3 groups of 3, top two in each group advance, rather than a full round-robin. The groups will be as follows:

Group 1
Cobra Cult
Giant Zucchini (10)
Chakra (70)

Group 2
Nevershadow
Errinundera (17)
Bedistan (28 )

Group 3
Tiburon
Snub Nose 38 (20)
Gesamtkuntswerk (21)

Schedule:
Round 1:
Giant Zucchini - Cobra Cult
Errinundera - Nevershadow
Snub Nose 38 - Tiburon

Round 2:
Chakra - Cobra Cult
Bedistan - Nevershadow
Gesamtkuntswerk - Tiburon

Round 3:
Giant Zucchini - Chakra
Errinundera - Bedistan
Snub Nose 38 - Gesamkuntswerk

Higher ranked team will play at home in each match.

Since I'm only doing 3 rounds, I will post results roughly an hour apart beginning at 10pm North American Eastern time zone. That'll allow for Mr. Hurr and the Minister of Alcoholic Beverages and Football Commentary to get a comment or two in between games.

I agree that the ranks shouldn't change between Qualifiers and the Cup, but I do think that performance in them should be taken into account when the rankings change after the cup. The Cup should be the most important thing, but we should still take them into account so that those who did well but bombed in the Cup would still end up with a decent rank.

but they do. _AMP had a good qualifying and are therefore going to get a rank of about 32, possibly higher with good luck. A team which does well in qualifying is guaranteed at least top 40, a team which does well in qualifying and progresses beyond the first round of the world cup is guaranteed probably around top 20, and a team who did wel in qualifyig but unluckily failed to get a place in the world cup could get a rank as high as 30.

and a team who did wel in qualifyig but unluckily failed to get a place in the world cup could get a rank as high as 30.

OOC: So I'd hope. 8)

omg i am a typo whore :/

omg i am a typo whore :/

ogm so totlaly dude u r yeha@2!11

Okay, apologies to anyone who read my previous post on the round-robin schedule. Per Tanah Burung, I'm going with the much-less-labor-intensive 3 groups of 3, top two in each group advance, rather than a full round-robin.
(in the interest of saving space - groups removed)
Since I'm only doing 3 rounds, I will post results roughly an hour apart beginning at 10pm North American Eastern time zone. That'll allow for Mr. Hurr and the Minister of Alcoholic Beverages and Football Commentary to get a comment or two in between games.
The office of Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages is still vacant. Snub Nose 38 is in the process of appointing a new minister, and hopes to do so within a matter of days (NS time). 8)

OOC: Have to work Saturday (fun, huh?), and as if that wasn't enough, have to work EARLY Saturday. So...the new minister, the hooligans, the hooligan cheerleaders, Ben & Eileen, et al will be catching a few Zs. :cry:
Will try to do some RP thing with the earlier match(es).

Higher ranked team will play at home in each match.

*the Minister of Justice and Real Estate read the announcement in the evening "Scuttlebutt", then continued to puruse the paper...for a few moments. then:*

- Oh my god!!
*jumps up, runs over to phone. dial, dial, dial (we're not talking about soap here)*
- Henry?
-****** 8)
- For god's sake, don't do that! Didn't you read the paper?
-****** :?:
- The round robin matches for 3rd place sides. The Hooligans...
-***** :?
- Yes, they do. And the higher ranked side plays at home.
- :shock:
- Get over to the stadium and take down the For Sale sign, man! Pull the radio spots, pull the TV spots, pull the print ads!
-******* :(
-You're right. Not only box office, concessions, and maintenance, but security, communications - cripes, we need an entire staff.
-******** :idea:
- Of course! Kelly girls!

[From a special extra edition of the High Mountain Eagle:]

Final Stage of Qualification Finally Underway

COLUMBIA, FD (BNN) -- Holmes Stadium is being hastily prepared for an upcoming match that will help in deciding whether our national football team, the Lions, successfully qualifies for World Cup Six.

The government of Lemmitania, acting as temporary event organizer during the current indisposition of Kingsford, has divided the nine teams finishing third in their qualifying groups into three additional groups, each containing three teams. In each group, a total of three matches will be played, with each team playing in two of those. At the end, the team finishing at the bottom of each group will be eliminated and the others will move on to the Cup.

Bedistan, currently ranked 27th in the world, will play against the teams from Errinundera (ranked 17th) and Nevershadow. The first Group 2 match is between those two teams, with the Lions getting a rest. In game two, we will play Nevershadow at home, and finally the team will travel to lovely Errinundera to finish the qualification process.

Neither stadium workers nor team members could be reached for comment, as the game against Nevershadow apparently starts in about half an hour. We are as yet uncertain how teams are being transported from one country to another in the space of a few minutes; however, we, along with many other sports enthusiasts, are happy that it will not take long.

We wish coach Jim Parker and his team all the best of luck in this series.

[End of article]

Giant Zucchini 0 - Cobra Cult 0
Errinundera 1 - Nevershadow 1
Snub Nose 38 3 - Tiburon 2

[code:1:2203704474]
Team P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Cobra Cult 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Chakra 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Errinundera 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Nevershadow 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Bedistan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
Tiburon 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
[/code:1:2203704474]

*dawn at a desert camp. the campfire is out - just a whisp of smoke rises. we see two figures, a man standing and listening to a battery operated radio, the other indistinguishable, rolled up in a blanket on the ground.*
- ...Margaret. Wake up, Margaret.
- zzzzz...zzzzz...zzzzz
- Margaret!
* the standing figure prods the other figure with his foot *
- Omph...wha...
- Margaret, are you awake?
- Uff...uh...yeah...
- I think it might be safe to go back.
- ARE YOU NUTS!!
- No, no - the Hooligans won! It's the 3rd place round robin, and they won.
- And somehow this is good news?
- See, its 3 groups of 3, everybody plays 2 games, best two in each group go on. Well, the Hooligans won their first game. I listened to the whole thing on ASPN radio. Horatio scored in the first half. They said it was beautiful. Then Tiburon scored - their center midfielder cut off a pass and took a long shot that paid off. Then Spike went the entire length of the field with the ball and scored. Hooligans ahead at the half 2 to 1.
- Where did they play?
- In the national stadium. The Hooligan Cheerleaders...
- Oh, no. I thought they were looking for a transfer.
- No, they came out and - well, they're under arrest again.
- Figures.
- In the second half Tiburon scored first, at about the 54th minute. Then, in the 76th Nails scored on a diving header. He also got himself a concusion - got kicked in the head while scoring the winning goal.
- How bad?
- Well, they took him to the hospital - but he was conscious. See, they won. The other two games were ties, but the Hooligans won! We...
- You said 3 groups of 3?
- Yes.
- Well, then, the other two games don't matter to us. They matter to the sides in those groups, but the only thing that will matter to the Hooligans is the next two games in our group.
- But we can go home now.
- Look, we MIGHT be able to go home if they win another match. Then they'll move on, and we could quietly sneak back at night and just sort of be there in the morning. But if they don't go through, we ARE through.
- Margaret...I wanna go home.
- Stop sniveling. We'll listen to the next two quallifying games, and see how it goes. Now, where's my rubber chicken?
*margaret gets up and starts poking around the campsite for her rubber chicken. the former minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages sticks his thumb in his mouth and sits down on the ground. the sun also rises*

Round 2:
Chakra 3 - Cobra Cult 3
Bedistan 4 - Nevershadow 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 2- Tiburon 1

[code:1:f5940ba42c]
Team P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Cobra Cult 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Chakra 1 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1

Bedistan 1 1 0 0 4 0 4 3
Errinundera 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Nevershadow 2 0 1 1 1 5 -4 1

Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Tiburon 2 0 0 2 3 5 -2 0
[/code:1:f5940ba42c]

Big Victory Puts Team In!

The Nevershadow football team was...pummeled, for lack of a better term, tonight at Holmes Stadium.

Starting forwards Lewis and Whitehurst each slammed in a goal early in the game, but Lewis was injured as a result of his shot. Becky Taft was brought in to replace him, and at halftime Whitehurst was exchanged for Ken Buhner in an attempt to get the lesser-used players on the pitch. Taft scored a goal of her own in the 44th minute, and Tim King made his second career goal midway through the second half. Olivia Bream and her accompanying defense were airtight, not allowing any successful shots on goal.

Since the Lions now have three points and Nevershadow has played both of its games, there is no way the Bedistani team can fall to third place in their group; thus, qualification is ensured. What's more, Errinundera has also all but qualified -- only a loss to the Lions by five goals or more would prevent their passage, and frankly, this reporter is not looking for that to happen.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" exclaimed Coach Parker after the game. "Now that we're in, we can totally relax for the next match -- it might as well just be a friendly. Give us a great opportunity to rest up for the Cup itself."

"I feel just great," commented Taft. "This was my first time playing on an international level, as opposed to just warming the bench, and I'm really happy that I actively contributed to our win here tonight, especially with millions of fans out there watching."

The team will now travel to Errinundera for its final qualifying match.

Final score:
Bedistan 4 (Whitehurst 19, Lewis 33, Taft 44, King 69)
Nevershadow 0

So, key games are SN38 vs. Gesamkuntwerk and Giant Zuchini vs. Chakra

Incorrect. Because both of us have beaten Tiburon (thus giving him 0 after 2 games), we will both advance regardless of the results. That does not mean, however, that I do not care about the results of this game.

oops, my bad, six people advance. :oops:

Round 3:
Giant Zucchini 0 - Chakra 0
Errinundera 1 - Bedistan 0
Snub Nose 38 0 - Gesamtkuntswerk 1

[code:1:ffb1f75060]
Team P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Cobra Cult 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Chakra 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Giant Zucchini 2 0 2 0 0 0 0 2

Errinundera 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
Bedistan 2 1 0 1 4 1 3 3
Nevershadow 2 0 1 1 1 5 -4 1

Gesamtkuntswerk 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
Snub Nose 38 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Tiburon 2 0 0 2 3 5 -2 0
[/code:1:ffb1f75060]

BTW, we've updated the asskicking list. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1215492#1215492) Check to see if your ass has been kicked yet.

By rights, this should be posted in the WC7 list. But I don't feel like dragging my ass over there.

Because World Cup 6 hasn’t gone as smoothly as it might have, I’ve been considering some possible models for the qualifying rounds in WC7, in case Audioslavia and Lemmitania end up hosting. I’m assuming here that there will be 90 participants.

Option 1:
Option 1 is the simplest. However, one bad game could knock a highly-ranked team right out of it.

3 auto-qualifiers (2 hosts + WC6 champ)
87 teams playing for 29 spots.
29 groups of 3 teams, each team plays each other team home and away, top team in each group advances.

Option 2:
Option 2 allows for larger groups, and less chance of a bad start killing a good team.

5 auto-qualifiers (2 hosts + top 3 ranked teams)
85 teams playing for 27 spots.

Stage 1:
17 groups of 5 teams, each team plays each other team home and away, top team in each group advances.

Stage 2:
68 teams playing for 10 spots. 17 groups of 4 teams, each team plays each other team home and away, top team in each of the 10 most fashionable groups advances.

Option 3:
Option 3 is more complicated.

3 auto-qualifiers (2 hosts + WC6 Champ)
87 teams playing for 29 spots.

8 groups of 6 teams and 3 groups of 13 teams. Each team in the small groups plays each other team home and away. Each team in the large groups plays each other team, but only at home. Top two teams in each small group qualify. Teams that win at home in the large groups qualify. If this doesn’t add up to 29 teams, the extra teams (if there are extra) play off in a round-robin to determine who is eliminated. If this isn’t enough teams, the whole thing is repeated to see if it comes out right.

Option 4:
Option 4 is symmetrical.

9 auto-qualifiers (back to that again)
81 teams playing for 23 spots.

Stage 1:
9 groups of 9 teams. Each team faces each other team home and away. Top team in each group qualifies. Bottom team in each group is entered in a round-robin playoff (each team faces each other team once), winner of which is not eliminated. The other 8 teams are eliminated.

Stage 2:
8 groups of 8 teams. Each team faces each other team home and away. Top team in each group qualifies. Bottom team in each group is entered in a round-robin playoff (each team faces each other team once), winner of which is not eliminated. The other 7 teams are eliminated.

Stage 3:
7 groups of 7 teams. Each team faces each other team home and away. The 7 group winners face off in a round-robin, and the team with the worst record in the round-robin is eliminated. The other six qualify.

Round 3:
Giant Zucchini 0 - Chakra 0
Errinundera 1 - Bedistan 0
Snub Nose 38 0 - Gesamtkuntswerk 1

[code:1:558b7f0482]
Team P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Cobra Cult 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Chakra 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Giant Zucchini 2 0 2 0 0 0 0 2

Errinundera 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
Bedistan 2 1 0 1 4 1 3 3
Nevershadow 2 0 1 1 1 5 -4 1

Gesamtkuntswerk 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
Snub Nose 38 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Tiburon 2 0 0 2 3 5 -2 0
[/code:1:558b7f0482]

BTW, we've updated the asskicking list. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1215492#1215492) Check to see if your ass has been kicked yet.


Ha! I have momentarily escaped Ass-Kicking!!!!!!! :twisted:

As have I. Huzzah.

With Errinundera successfully qualifying for WC6 we are now convinced that the method chosen to select the final six was, in the circumstances, the fairest possible.
http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/cool/cool-smiley-006.gif

We can now finally begin the cup itself. *begins plotting to kick Lemmy's @$$ before he kicks mine*

What will be done with the first group? The one with a three-way tie?

Giant Zuchini is last cuz he didn't score any goals. I think.

Dear mumsi,

Sorry to rush out so suddenly. The team and support staff were ordered to McKillops Bridge at quick notice. Somebody in the World Cup Committee hierarchy had decided on a round robin series with 3 teams in each group and the higher seeded team in each match hosting. Well, before you could say ticketee-boo the Nevershadow team had arrived at the river docks in McKillops Bridge.

The Coliseum stadium pitch had been ripped up at the end of the domestic season as part of the reconstruction process for the next World Cup so the McKillops Bridge South Secondary College Sports Oval was quickly pressed into service. There was no time to cordon off the ground so admittance was free. Authorities estimate 150,000 people turned up. They also estimate that around 650 people would have been able to see anything.

Things were complicated by the immense crush against the steel boundary fence that took place after Nevermind kicked the first goal of the match. Play was held up while the injured were carried onto the field. At least this gave another 650 people the opportunity to watch proceedings. When antarcticad equalized in the 35th minute another 650 people had the opportunity to view the rest of the game. Hospitals throughout McKillops Bridge struggled to cope with the 1300 people suffering from crush injuries. The Nevermore team rapidly departed on the next boat returning upstream.

Meanwhile, in anticipation of the Bedistan team arriving, the closest available Errinundrian Football Association ground - the Wulgulmerang Community Recreation Reserve - was quickly prepared. Such an irony that a side that has just been relegated to second division should host an international match against one of the world's most famous sides. The road from McKillops Bridge to Wulgulmerang is a perilous mountain track* so the bus journey was arranged so that the visiting team would arrive just before match time. The driver had been instructed to keep as close as possible to the edge at all times. At least they had the compensation of viewing, across a valley, Errinundera's highest and most spectacular waterfall, the 1000 metre Little River Falls. A very queasy looking Bedistan side arrived for the match.

Furthermore, Bedistan had already qualified so we concluded they would not be highly motivated the match. Errinundera needed a draw or better. I noticed, prior to the match, men in overcoats and dark glasses exchanging paper bags though I don't know what relevance that has to the game.

8,000 people had the privilege of watching a skillful encounter with Errinundera winning one-nil thanks to a deft bit of teamwork between antarcticad and longipesp in the 64th minute. Somehow they simultaneously got through the Bedistan defence and their goalie found himself one out against them. antarcticad wound up to slam a scorcher past the goalkeeper but somehow deftly sidekicked it to longipesp who kicked the goal unopposed.

After the match the players and officials from both sides were invited to First Creek Falls for some serious celebrating of our successful qualification for WC6. The latest craze, depa and vodka, was liberally indulged. "Supper was served, orgies followed as usual, everyone retired to bed." **

See you soon, mumsi. Your loving son.

princec.

* Although cars are banned throughout Errinundera buses are still used where it is uneconomical to build rail lines. For this purpose, a rudimentary network of dirt roads, little more than goat tracks, is maintained (or not maintained, depending on your view). editor

** Le Marquis de Sade, "The 120 Days of Sodom". editor

Record: W6 D6 L4 GF24 GA18 GD+6

Results:
Q1: Errinundera 4 Hegemonia Polska 1 (oreadest 2, firset, longipesp)
Player of the Tournament: oreadest 3, moschatuma 2, horstrac 1
gk: fionar

Q2: Mezitzia 2 Errinundera 1 (oreadest)
PotT: moschatuma 3, handesydek 2, oreadest 1
gk: regnanse

Q3: Errinundera 2 LordSquall 2 (longipesp, oreadest)
PotT: horstrac 3, moschatuma 2, oreadest 1
gk: fionar

Q4: Liverpool England 1 Errinundera 1 (adealbata)
PotT: sandrab 3, adealbata 2, regnanse 1
gk: regnanse

Q5: Errinundera 1 Total n Utter Insanity 1 (longipesp)
PotT: moschatuma 3, fionar 2, longipesp 1
gk: fionar

Q6: Quohog 1 Errinundera 0
PotT: delegatensise 3, sandrab 2, melanoxylona 1
gk: fionar

Q7: Errinundera 3 Timway 3 (adealbata, handesydek, longipesp)
PotT: handesydek 3, longipesp 2, moschatuma 1
gk: regnanse

Q8: Hegemonia Polska 0 Errinundera 1 (antarcticad)
PotT: fionar 3, delegatensise 2, moschatuma 1
gk: fionar

Q9: Errinundera 3 Mezitzia 1 (antarcticad 2, longipesp)
PotT: sandrab 3, antarcticad 2, longipesp 1
gk: regnanse

Q10: LordSquall 3 Errinundera 1 (antarcticad)
PotT: moschatuma 3, sandrab 2, horstrac 1
gk: fionar

Q11: Errinundera 1 Liverpool England 2 (antarcticad)
PotT: horstrac 3, antarcticad 2, moschatuma 1
gk: regnanse

Q12: Total n Utter Insanity 0 Errinundera 0
PotT: fionar 3, snapier 2, moschatuma 1
gk: fionar

Q13: Errinundera 1 Quohog 0 (antarcticad)
PotT: moschatuma 3, regnanse 2, antarcticad 1
gk: regnanse

Q14: Timway 0 Errinundera 3 (longipesp 2, antarcticad)
PotT: longipesp 3, fionar 2, fastigatae 1
gk: fionar

QRR1: Errinundera 1 Nevershadow 1 (antarcticad)
PotT: horstrac 3, melanoxylona 2, antarcticad 1
gk: regnanse

QRR2: bye

QRR3: Errinundera 1 Bedistan 0 (longipesp)
PotT: fionar 3, snapier 2, antarcticad 1
gk: fionar

Goals:
antarcticad 8
longipesp 8
oreadest 4
adealbata 2
firset 1
handesydek 1

Goalkeeping - goals conceded:
fionar 8 goals in 9 matches
regnanse 10 goals in 7 matches

Player of the tournament:
moschatuma 20
fionar 13
horstrac 11
sandrab 10
antarcticad 7
longipesp 7
delegatensise 5
handesydek 5
oreadest 5
snapier 4
melanoxylona 3
regnanse 3
adealbata 2
fastigatae 1
:D

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini fails to qualify for World Cup 6 after 2 disappointing performances. Pundits blame the poor performances to the injury to start striker Urk. Head Coach Mr Hurr could not be reached for comment.

(Written with a certain half-pencil found in a certain area...)

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

32. Ariddia - ass kicked by, um, lemme find something here... AH! This laptop computer! Yeah, that’ll do.



Can we keep the laptop? :p

78. Kingsford - ass collectively kicked by every nation in the tournament

So, did we kick there asses before or after you worked us over? It would have been more effective if you waited to kick our asses until we all had a chance with Kingsford.

Giant Zuchini is last cuz he didn't score any goals. I think.

Ah! But they also didn't ALLOW any goals. :?:

In keeping with the absolute insanity of this tournament - let Giant Zucchini, Cobra Cult, and Chakra - - - play another qualifying round robin.

*we have taken refuge in a concrete bunker, at a top secret location, under our desk, wearing a flak jacket. we will NOT come out until the GZ/CC/C controversy is resolved. we fear another steel toed boot episode.*

after some thought, moved this post to WC7 thread too.

LOL :D

I'm sure goals for counts after goal difference.

LOL :D

I'm sure goals for counts after goal difference.
OOC: I think you're right. I'm just trying to start trouble. Shh...don't tell anybody.

IC: I think you're just trying to start trouble!

***** ASPN NEWS SPECIAL WORLD CUP 6 REPORT *****

* the new aspn studios, replete with blue tablecloths. the scratchy version of the aspn theme is heard (too loud, as usual). wc6 and aspn logos are superimposed over scenes of 4 magnificent goals, two beautiful saves, and the hooligan cheerleaders being pelted with ripe vegetables*

Today the last of the Qualifying Matches for World Cup 6 were played, ending the round robin of sides that finished third in their original qualifying groups. These matches, hosted by Kingsford (dba Lemmitania) were all played at 60 times the normal speed – each match lasting 90 seconds plus a few seconds added time. As a result, the entire Snub Nose 38 Hooligan National Football side is in hospital, in the podiatric ward at Saint Swithens. All are expected to be fully recovered and at match fitness before the Hooligans next match.

The matches were all played at the stadium of the side with the highest ranking. Since, oddly, this was the Hooligans for both our matches, the national stadium is no longer for sale. It was manned and operated by temporary employees from Kelly Girls for these matches. Regular employees will be brought back on in the very near future. Since the matches only took a minute and a half each, we are able to bring you both of the Hooligans matches in their entirety.

*we see…well…basically nothing but a series of rapid blurs. We hear…well…whatever the aural equivalent of a blur is (our intrepid reporter believes “white sound” is the correct term). occasionally we seem to be able to make out a red flash accompanied by a buzzing. once we are fairly sure we see a cucumber splatter against something, and can almost make out the words “Gesamtkunst DOESN’T work”. this goes on for 3 minutes and 4 seconds. we are not greatly entertained.*

For those of you with only normal human eyesight and hearing, rest assured that the outcome of the matches was, in fact, measurable. Kingsford (dba Lemmitania) cleverly rigged the goal netting in the same fashion that the goals in hockey are rigged, so that each time a goal was scored a red light flashed, a buzzer sounded, and the goal was recorded.

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders performed briefly (what an unnecessary word in this report) during half time at both matches. Somehow the Sheriff of Remington County was able to arrest them after their first “performance”, jail them, and get them released on bail in time for the second match. They are still out on bail, with the usual charges pending. The Sheriff of Remington County is recouperating at Saint Swithens in a room adjacent to the National Side players.

Oh, yes…the scores. The Hooligans won the first match – TIBURON 2, SNUB NOSE 38 3. The Hooligans lost the second match – GESAMTKUNTSWERK 1, SNUB NOSE 38 0.

There was a bit of controversy with the first group of three third place sides – each having gained the same number of points in the round robin. While the side with the least “goals for” – Giant Zucchini – was eliminated, it was suggested by an unknown source that an additional set of round robin matches be played to determine which side be eliminated. This is why the entire nation of Snub Nose 38 is down here in this concrete bunker at a top secret location, wearing our flak jackets and hiding under this desk.

Um…almost forgot. The Snub Nose 38 National Football Side, the Hooligans, in the end did qualify for World Cup 6.

****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN NEWS SPECIAL WORLD CUP 6 REPORT****
--------------------------------------------
OOC: Info – “dba” = doing business as
--------------------------------------------
*we’re back at the campsite of margaret and the former minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, both of whom seem to be enjoying an alcoholic beverage. the campsite is a mess. we see Margaret hard at work with her rubber chicken and her leather bag with the two eagle feathers tied to it, sacrificially supplicating the random number gods. that’s her, just over there past the campfire – you can see her through the smoke that the former minister is choking on.*

- But, Margaret, they qualified.
- We still can’t go home yet.
- They qualified, though.
- Stop whining. They qualified, but the didn’t WIN. The only way they’re gonna let us come home is if the Hooligans WIN at least one more match.
- I wanna go home.
- Ya big baby. Look, bring me that silver cord, will ya? I’m doing my best over here.

*we hear a coyote howl. margaret ignores it. the former minister looks worried.*

8)

IC: I think you're just trying to start trouble!

IC: It never happened. It will not happen. It isn't happening.
*holds up a picture of an ostrich with it's head buried in the sand.*

Extra Brief Bedistani WC6 Qualifying Summary:

Starting rank: 27
WC5 record (including qualifying): 5-5-3
Starting WC6 record: 0-0-0 :P
Record after 6 qualifying games: 0-3-3 :(
Record after 14 qualifying games: 7-4-3 :D
Round robin record: 1-0-1
Longest undefeated streak: 9 games (tie) -- qualifying matches 7-14 and round robin match 2 (didn't play in 1)
Overall WC6 record so far: 8-4-4
Overall team record: 13-9-7

Leading WC6Q goal scorers:
J. Lewis (12)
J. Whitehurst (4)
G. Barber (4)
K. Sierra (2)
T. King (2)
J. Burks (2)
G. Bell (1)
B. Taft (1)
L. Black (1)

Leading all-time goal scorers:
J. Lewis (20)
J. Whitehurst (8)
A. Johnson (6)
G. Barber (4)
J. Burks (3)

Total WC6Q goals scored: 29
Total goals allowed: 17

Starting WC7 rank: At least 32 ;)

lmfao @ lemmy :D (that was meant to be a joke wasnt it? :))

my idea for the world cup basis is more like FIFA's and UEFA's.

auto-qualifiers: same as FIFA: hosts auto-qualify, leaving 30 vacant spots.

qualifying tournament: 90 teams split into 15 groups of 6 teams each. Teams play each other home and away, top 2 in each group advance to the finals. (pretty much teh same as fifa, they have groups of 6 but only one team qualifies by right)

Seedings: Groups will be seeded using Fifa's way. Top 16 seeds will be seperated into groups A to O. The next 16 teams will be randomly allocated a group, and so on until all the spots are filled.

World Cup: same as FIFA. 8 groups of 4, top 2 go through. In the event of a tie for 2nd place, the progressors will be decided first by goal difference, then by goals for, then by results between the two sides. If the teams are still tied, then the team with the most RPs will advance. If they both have the same amount of RPs, then the team with the most points in qualifying goes through. If the teams are even after that i'll eat my hat.

The second round, quarter final, semi-final and final are played over one match. If the teams are tied after 90 minutes then extra time is played. If they are tied AET, then a penatly shoot out decides.

I think Lemmy is doing the formula so i'll let him crack on with that, as well as invadeing all your asses :twisted:

after some thought, moved this post to WC7 thread

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:
...
22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!
...


We've been thinking about this for awhile...and the thing is...well...shouldn't this be a halfasskicking?

AS is correct on the World Cup itself. As for 'if the teams are even after that I'll eat my hat' - a playoff maybe?

The qualifying? Well that's different depending upon regions but the Europe qualifying mode (as suggested by AS) is the best one IMHO, and certainly the simplest :)

AS is correct on the World Cup itself. As for 'if the teams are even after that I'll eat my hat' - a playoff maybe?

The qualifying? Well that's different depending upon regions but the Europe qualifying mode (as suggested by AS) is the best one IMHO, and certainly the simplest :)

amen, the south american one looks like its been concocted by TnUI on acid, and the Australiasian one is about as fair as Brazil Vs Grimsby Town :/

Stealing a Page (Literally) from TnUI - here is the list of teams/sides that qualified for World Cup 6:

Rnk Team
1 Brazillico
2 Svecia
3 Lemmitania
4 Europa Britannia
5 Squornshelous
6 Ariddia
7 Total n Utter Insanity
8 Tanah Burung
9 Ironchefk
11 Lunatic Goofballs
12 Runaway Moose
13 Oglethorpia
14 Spaam
14 Dennisov
17 Errinundera
20 Snub Nose 38
21 Gesamtkuntswerk
25 Quohog
27 Bedistan
30 One Red Dot
40 Audioslavia
42 Dark Outcasts
47 The Belmore Family
49 Halfassedstates
50 Copiosa Scotia
51 Kingsford
70 Chakra
100 _AMP
100 Akbarland
100 Dannland
100 Cobra Cult
100 Malundar

Assigning the 32 Qualifiers to Groups:
I think this has already been suggested, and I like it -

1. Assign the top 8 (Brazillico thru Tanah Burung) each to a different group
2. Randomly assign the next 8 (Ironchefk thru Snub Nose 38 ) each to a different group
3. Randomly assign the next 8 (Gesamtkunstwerk thru Halfassedstates) each to a different group
4. Randomly assign the next 8 (Copiosa Scotia thru Malundar) each to a different group

This should result in a reasonably fair, as well as reasonably random, set of eight groups of four.
-------------------------------------
Since I actually did steal this from a previous TnUI posting, and added in the 6 third place qualifiers, I am at a loss as to why we have two sides (Spaam and Dennisov) rated 14th. As a guess, they are EXACTLY tied on points, and there is no 15th? Ehh, whatever.

In order to prevent WC6 from descending into complete fiasco, I suggest that the first round of the tournament be shifted to Lemmitania so that I can organize first round groups and begin generating results in KF’s absence. The rugby season ended a month ago, so Lemmitania certainly has adequate, if unexciting, facilities available. Most of these stadia would not be used if World Cup 7 were hosted by Lemmitania and Audiosavia-- the majority of games would take place in Audioslavia, and two new stadia would be constructed in Lemmitania, to be debuted for the Cup. But here are some venues we could use right now:

Lemco City Municipal Stadium
Home of the Lemco City Loons of the LRU
Capacity: 82,000
Turf: Natural

Known throughout the rest of Lemmitania as “the mistake on the Lake,” Lemco City has long suffered an unfairly poor reputation. It’s true that the Lemahoga River caught fire several times in the sixties, but it’s much cleaner now, and with the elimination of automobiles from Lemmitanian roads, the vast tract of long-deserted steel factories along the banks of the Lemahoga have been ironically revitalized into the nation’s premier bicycle-transmission manufacturing sector. What’s more, the “flats” district along the river has become an entertainment Mecca, with boaters from all over Lake Riggamoopa flocking upstream on a Friday or Saturday night.

The stadium is one of the largest in Lemmitania, but the Loons still manage to pack the stands every Sunday during LRU season. The Loons’ boisterous fans don’t seem to mind the excessively uncomfortable wooden seats, which they slam up and down rhythmically when the Loons need a boost; and they positively revel in the lake-effect snowstorms that have been known to dump a foot and a half on the field during a game.

Three Trees Stadium (Limmsburgh)
Home of the Limmsburgh Limers of the LRU
Capacity: 58,000
Turf: Artificial (“Lemmingturf”)

It’s hard to say which is lovelier: the view of the tree-lined cliffs overlooking downtown Limmsburgh, or the skyline seen from the cliffs above. Downtown Limmsburgh is compact, the handful of skyscrapers wedged (literally, in the shape of a wedge) between the “three trees”: one is a Great Oiho, nearly eighty feet tall, with a dense crown of brilliant green in the summer and vibrant red in the autumn; the second, a Galleghananiny, stands one hundred fifty-three feet high, with a trunk thick enough that an eighteen-wheeled lorry that plowed into it last year did not significant damage; and the third, a Mongongohelongo big enough to fit a small community of Errinundrians-- say, 10,000 of them.

At the tip of the wedge is Three Trees, a workable if unexciting venue for the Limers and for Limmburgh’s semi-pro football squad, the Rimerats. The turf hasn’t been replaced in nearly ten years, and you can tell-- the vast number of divots have earned it the nickname “old moonie.” They say new turf is in order for next season (next LRU season, that is) but that won’t do the World Cup any good. Oh well. It’s playable, anyway. At least, the Rimerats didn’t suffer too many turf-related injuries this year.

Lonnie Mack Stadium, Lemmadelphia
Home of the Lemmsylvania Lillies of the LRU
Capacity: 65,000
Turf: Natural

Lemmadelphia, the city of Lemmingly Love. People love their lemmings here, which is another way of saying that they’re greedy bastards. But Lemmadelphia’s a nice place, really. As long as you stay out of the “bad parts of town” which have been “creeping into” the “good parts of town” at an alarming rate, the last few years. Anyway, downtown is fine-- if you’re visiting for the cup, be sure to stop by the Lemmerly Bell and some of the other “majorly historic” sights they have. There are plenty of cops in that part of town, so you have nothing to worry about.

Do be careful biking through to Lonnie Mack, though. The stadium’s not in such a great area. If someone offers to sell you something along the route, do not respond to them, and for god’s sake don’t make eye contact! Just remember that simple rule and you’ll be fine. The stadium itself is surprisingly nice.

Treefront Stadium, Lemvoola
Home of the Lemvoola Leemcats of the LRU
Capacity: 45,000
Turf: Artificial (“Castroturf”)

Located beside the biggest stand of Great Oiho trees you’ve ever seen in your life, Treefront Stadium in downtown Lemvoola is extremely adequate. Much the same can be said for the rest of Lemvoola. Once the largest port town on the Thingy River, Lemvoola’s still known by some old-timers as “The Queen of the Thingy.” But most people just think of it as the only big city in central Lemmitania. Of course, most of those people are from the Left or Right Coast, and don’t know a thing about central Lem, so screw ‘em.

Tiny Stadium, Swamplands
Home of the Lemwark Tinies of the LRU
Capacity: 70,000
Turf: Artificial (“Tinyturf”)

The swamplands north of Lemwark were useless for years and years and years, until somebody got the bright idea to build a stadium there. And aside from the regular flooding, it’s been a rollicking success. There’s plenty of parking, and with the conglomeration of hotels that’s sprung up (rather literally, as they’re all on stilts to keep out of the muck), nobody coming to town for a game even has to go near Lemwark.

Which is a good thing. ‘Cause if the games were held in the city, attendance would be basically nil. People avoid Lemwark like the plague, though there’s really no reason for that. It’s not a bad place, just ugly as hell.

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington
Home of the Lemmington Lemmings of the LRU
Capacity: 90,000
Turf: Natural

The crowning jewel of Lemmitanian stadia, this is where the World Cup finals would be held in the unlikely event that Kingsford fell in a hole and died. Lemmington is widely regarded as the biggest, most beautiful, wonderful, perfect city in Lemmitania. Though the citizens of cities other than Lemmington have a hard time acknowledging this obvious, obvious fact. Why can’t they see that Lemmingtonians are just plain better than the rest of them?

Anyway, think what you will of big, huge, wonderful Lemmington (where the Lonx is up and the Lattery’s down, the people ride in a hole in the ground, Lemmington, Lemmitania! It’s a wonderful town!), nobody in their right mind disputes that the National Stadiuim is lovely. Built to look like an old-time stadium with beautiful iron-and-brick facades, but with all the modern conveniences (17 different restaurants, from the gourmet Chez Chicerie to the bier-hall ambience of Clyde’s Bierhall; ALDs [Automated Lemming Dispensers] everywhere, even in the can; and, what the hell, electrically heated seating for those chilly nights watching the Lemmings), it’s what every other city in Lemmitania wishes they could afford. Cross your fingers and hope that your team plays here.

Lemmington Stadium, Lemumbus
Home of the Lemmington National University Lemmingeyes of the LCAA
Capacity: 98,000
Turf: Natural

Known as “the Horseshoe,” Lemmington Stadium has an open-ended design and suprisingly spacious seating considering the sheer number of fans that can fit inside. The turf was originally grass; then in the seventies, some bozo decided to pull it up and put in new-fangled Castroturf. Then about fifteen years ago they realized that this was causing early knee-joint breakdown in the poor kids who had to play on it, so they tore that shit out and put grass back in. Interesting factoid: housed within the stadium is a student dormitory. Although the rooms don’t have windows facing onto the field (are you kidding me? Tickets to Lemmingeyes games go for 100 lemmings a pop!), the dormrats do get to experience the thrills of the Lemmingeyes’ games vicariously, through the audible shrieking and the shaking of their floors, walls, and ceilings. Every Saturday, even during finals. They love it!

Did the Holy Republic of New Mexico provide any estimated date of return? We should probably give him a couple of days...

Assigning the 32 Qualifiers to Groups:
I think this has already been suggested, and I like it -

1. Assign the top 8 (Brazillico thru Tanah Burung) each to a different group
2. Randomly assign the next 8 (Ironchefk thru Snub Nose 38 ) each to a different group
3. Randomly assign the next 8 (Gesamtkunstwerk thru Halfassedstates) each to a different group
4. Randomly assign the next 8 (Copiosa Scotia thru Malundar) each to a different group

This should result in a reasonably fair, as well as reasonably random, set of eight groups of four.
-------------------------------------
Since I actually did steal this from a previous TnUI posting, and added in the 6 third place qualifiers, I am at a loss as to why we have two sides (Spaam and Dennisov) rated 14th. As a guess, they are EXACTLY tied on points, and there is no 15th? Ehh, whatever.

Well first they both had the same record last time, so they are both ranked 14th. Second what I did was place the auto-qualifiers in different groups, like so:

Group A 1st
Group B 5th
Group C 3rd
Group D 7th
Group E 8th
Group F 4th
Group G 6th
Group H 2nd

Group A Brazillico
Group B Squornshelous
Group C Lemmitania
Group D Spaam
Group E Kingsford
Group F Europa Britannia
Group G Ariddia
Group H Svecia

With the rest being randomly drawn.

Did the Holy Republic of New Mexico provide any estimated date of return?

Not that I noticed.

We should probably give him a couple of days...

Whatever you deem fair is fine with me. I just don't want to see the entire Cup derailed by an absent host. To give KF some credit, I presume that when he put in his bid to host, it was under the assumption that Spaam would cover during these absences. Since Spaam has gone AWOL, he's really the one we should be heaping the criticism on.

Though I would be happier if KF had 1. Told us about New Mexico before leaving for Venezuela, and 2. Given us some idea of when he'd be back from NM.

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

5. Oglethorpia - ass kicked with unkind words

6. TnUI - ass kicked with sarcasm

7. Pure Evil - ass kicked by crappy luck

8. Liverpool England - ass kicked by a belt buckle

9. Giant Zucchini - ass kicked by half a pencil we found in our pocket

10. The Belmore Family - ass kicked by left sock

11. Aquilla, baby - ass kicked by right sock

12. Haraki - ass kicked by other half of pencil (leftover from Giant Zucchini asskicking)

13. Runaway Moose - ass kicked by hat

14. Bedistan - ass kicked by business end of a pack of Juicy Fruit

15. Lunatic Goofballs - ass kicked by Audrey Hepburn’s name on a wadded-up piece of paper, mailed to Goofball Island

16. Europa Brittania - ass kicked by Ion Cannon
note to EB: can you lend us an Ion Cannon?

17. Tanah Burung - ass kicked by sneaker that was originally earmarked for SN38 asskicking

18. Audioslavia - asskicking rescinded

19. LordSquall - Dude, LordSquall is nuts. I’m not even bothering with him.

20. Timway - ass kicked by handful of raisinettes

21. Nevershadow - After all the b****ing Nevershadow did on the WC6 signup thread about whether they’d been added to the list, you’d think they might have posted a couple of match RPs. Ass kicked by rubber hose. You didn’t think we had rubber hose technology, did you? Well, we do.

22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!

23. Ironchefk - ass kicked by some bad sushi. You didn’t think we had bad sushi technology, did you? Well, we do!

24. Dennisov - ass kicked by the slow descent into obscurity

25. Spaam - ass kicked by Al Quds syndrome, apparently

26. Ravenspire - ass kicked by another boot we found. Didn’t think we had another boot, did you? Hah!

27. One Red Dot - ass kicked by an extra button from our shirt

28. Copiosa Scotia - ass kicked by the sudden rise from obscurity

29. Brazillico - who do you think we’ve been saving our other soldier for? Ass kicked by another entire Lemmitanian soldier!

30. Tha Machine - see Audioslavia

31. BK_Samurai - ass kicked by-- oh, never mind. Why kick the dead?

32. Ariddia - ass kicked by, um, lemme find something here... AH! This laptop computer! Yeah, that’ll do.

33. Squornshelous - asskicking postponed until the Lemmitanian military can purchase some new supplies

78. Kingsford - ass collectively kicked by every nation in the tournament

You didn't even play me, idoit.

You didn't even play me, idoit.

1: The list depicts the teams that Lemmitania believed played a joke on him by making him host most of WC6

2: you spelt Idiot wrong.

You didn't even play me, idoit.

1: The list depicts the teams that Lemmitania believed played a joke on him by making him host most of WC6

2: you spelt Idiot wrong.

I know, that's why he called me baby

No he didn't. Idoit is French... it's actually slang, so the translation isn't exact, but it roughly means "foxy beast."

You didn't even play me, idoit.

Dang, that was a pretty obvious one. I can't believe I missed that. Edited. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=54287&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=800)

11. Aquilla, baby - ass kicked by French erotic cream-whipper

Nasty :twisted:

but then who got kicked by right sock?

Oh, please tg your email adress; I have a formula want to send you

but then who got kicked by right sock?

Squornshelous.

Now, let's lay this misunderstanding to rest before someone gets hurt.

GO BEDISTAN!! GO GO GO GO GO!! WHIP THOSE NASTY IDOITS IN OGLETHORPIA AND RAVENSPIRE!!! GO GO GO!!!!

Idoits being a French whipping cream used primarily for erotic purposes.


Mmmm... idoits. Yeh, Aquilla baby. Nasty.

As you can all see, "baby" is a solicitous apellation, a come-on to Aquilla. Not an insult.

Ever since then, I've referred to Aquilla as "Aquilla baby" more often than not. So when Aquilla pointed it out, I thought it was kind of dumb that I'd remembered "Aquilla baby" but not the idoit thing. So I've updated the asskicking list to reflect what I should have kicked AB's ass with in the first place.

BTW, I just spent 20 minutes trolling the WC5 thread to find that quote. So I hope AB appreciates it.

The list depicts the teams that Lemmitania believed played a joke on him by making him host most of WC6

Believe, schmelieve. I know. I know who my enemies are. I know.

It's true you know. A bunch of us sat around and said: hmm, all those long commentaries by Gil and the boys, they're transforming the nature of the World Cup. We'll show him. And after that crack about "too much RP'ing" he made during WC5, well then the plot was set. The only way to stop Gil from broadcasting again, was to keep Lemmitania too busy running the Cup to comment on it. Spaam was actually a holographic projection of a nation, cunningly crafted out of mirrors and bits of left-over confetti to lure Lemmy into a false sense of security. Kingsford was in on the plot. In fact, Kingsford was the ringleader. In fact, there is no such place as Venezuela. All the library books claiming otherwise were put there for the sole purpose of deceiving Lemmitania into hosting the World Cup before the country had a chance to get ready.

Meanwhile, is anyone else turned on by all this talk of ass-kicking? Oh yeah, Lemmy. Harder, faster, make it hurt! Do

GJ^*^GJ577gGJ

NO CARRIER

but then who got kicked by right sock?

Squornshelous.

Damn. :lol:

Meanwhile, is anyone else turned on by all this talk of ass-kicking? Oh yeah, Lemmy. Harder, faster, make it hurt! Do


The innuendo density around here is growing at an exponential rate. Soon this thread is going to go Superorgy and then collapse into a very dense, tight, pulsating black hole that

GJ^*^GJ577gGJ

NO CARRIER

Three Trees Stadium (Limmsburgh)
Home of the Limmsburgh Limers of the LRU
Capacity: 58,000
Turf: Artificial (“Lemmingturf”)

It’s hard to say which is lovelier: the view of the tree-lined cliffs overlooking downtown Limmsburgh, or the skyline seen from the cliffs above. Downtown Limmsburgh is compact, the handful of skyscrapers wedged (literally, in the shape of a wedge) between the “three trees”: one is a Great Oiho, nearly eighty feet tall, with a dense crown of brilliant green in the summer and vibrant red in the autumn; the second, a Galleghananiny, stands one hundred fifty-three feet high, with a trunk thick enough that an eighteen-wheeled lorry that plowed into it last year did not significant damage; and the third, a Mongongohelongo big enough to fit a small community of Errinundrians-- say, 10,000 of them.

Treefront Stadium, Lemvoola
Home of the Lemvoola Leemcats of the LRU
Capacity: 45,000
Turf: Artificial (“Castroturf”)

Located beside the biggest stand of Great Oiho trees you’ve ever seen in your life, Treefront Stadium in downtown Lemvoola is extremely adequate. Much the same can be said for the rest of Lemvoola. Once the largest port town on the Thingy River, Lemvoola’s still known by some old-timers as “The Queen of the Thingy.” But most people just think of it as the only big city in central Lemmitania. Of course, most of those people are from the Left or Right Coast, and don’t know a thing about central Lem, so screw ‘em.

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington
Home of the Lemmington Lemmings of the LRU
Capacity: 90,000
Turf: Natural

The crowning jewel of Lemmitanian stadia, this is where the World Cup finals would be held in the unlikely event that Kingsford fell in a hole and died. Lemmington is widely regarded as the biggest, most beautiful, wonderful, perfect city in Lemmitania. Though the citizens of cities other than Lemmington have a hard time acknowledging this obvious, obvious fact. Why can’t they see that Lemmingtonians are just plain better than the rest of them?

Anyway, think what you will of big, huge, wonderful Lemmington (where the Lonx is up and the Lattery’s down, the people ride in a hole in the ground, Lemmington, Lemmitania! It’s a wonderful town!), nobody in their right mind disputes that the National Stadiuim is lovely. Built to look like an old-time stadium with beautiful iron-and-brick facades, but with all the modern conveniences (17 different restaurants, from the gourmet Chez Chicerie to the bier-hall ambience of Clyde’s Bierhall; ALDs [Automated Lemming Dispensers] everywhere, even in the can; and, what the hell, electrically heated seating for those chilly nights watching the Lemmings), it’s what every other city in Lemmitania wishes they could afford. Cross your fingers and hope that your team plays here.

After some of the Room 101s we've had to visit during the qualifying we are very much looking forward to visiting your country.

Did the Holy Republic of New Mexico provide any estimated date of return?

Not that I noticed.

We should probably give him a couple of days...

Whatever you deem fair is fine with me. I just don't want to see the entire Cup derailed by an absent host. To give KF some credit, I presume that when he put in his bid to host, it was under the assumption that Spaam would cover during these absences. Since Spaam has gone AWOL, he's really the one we should be heaping the criticism on.

Though I would be happier if KF had 1. Told us about New Mexico before leaving for Venezuela, and 2. Given us some idea of when he'd be back from NM.

WC6 has dragged on for a long time. Perhaps he expected it would be finished before he left.

After some of the Room 101s we've had to visit during the qualifying we are very much looking forward to visiting your country.

<OOC>Heh. Room 101s. Man, you Oztralians are wacky. You obviously mean Motel 6s.</OOC>

We'll make sure you play in Limmsburgh or Lemvoola, should it come to that.

Did the Holy Republic of New Mexico provide any estimated date of return?

Not that I noticed.

We should probably give him a couple of days...

Whatever you deem fair is fine with me. I just don't want to see the entire Cup derailed by an absent host. To give KF some credit, I presume that when he put in his bid to host, it was under the assumption that Spaam would cover during these absences. Since Spaam has gone AWOL, he's really the one we should be heaping the criticism on.

Though I would be happier if KF had 1. Told us about New Mexico before leaving for Venezuela, and 2. Given us some idea of when he'd be back from NM.

WC6 has dragged on for a long time. Perhaps he expected it would be finished before he left.

Who cares what he expected. Let Lem handle things and lets try to finish this Cup. It seems like it's never going to end.

Yeah, I'm really losing my interest in this World Cup. Way too many preliminaries, coupled with extreme lag.

Lemmentia's doing a bang-up job.

Well I for one have lost interest in this World Cup...mainly because I didn't qualify...

hang in there boys, we always have this laggy bit between the qualifiers and the world cup :)

From this mornings "Scuttlebutt"
On with the Cup
The Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science announced today that the sporting event known as World Cup 6 (WC6) entered a time warp early this month. The Academy points out that initially WC6 seemed to be moving through time at a normal pace. Then, without warning, what the Academy terms a Time Wind blowing in the general direction of the mythical country of Venzuela caused the pace of WC6 to decrease to about half normal time, at some points almost seeming to go into reverse. Briefly, caused the Academy believes by the reversal of the Time Wind (blowing now out of mythical Venzuela) WC6 re-entered normal time. A cross current within the time wind caused by the high pressure over Lemmitania turned the Time Wind towards Nova Mexico, resulting in WC6 suddenly and briefly to move at 60 times the rate of normal time. Finally, as the cross current died out, WC6 entered Time Purgatory, where time stops entirely while all involved begin to lose interest (some due to failure to qualify).
The Academy assures us that there is a solution. They propose that the hypothetical Spaam/Kingsford hosting partnership be made a legal subsidiary of the Sports Ministry of Lemmitania. They believe the Sports Ministry of Lemmitania is in the broom closet on the second floor of the Lemmitanian Department of Defense. That would be the closet that used to house several steel toed boots, some pocket fluff, a broken pencil, a sneaker, some socks, and a long list of other WMD (Weapons of Mild Destruction).
This new legal situation for the hypothetical Spaam/Kingsford hosting partnership would provide legal authority for the continued operation of "Kingsford (dba Lemmitania)", and, it is believed, the return of WC6 to passing through time at the normal rate.
---------------------------------
OOC: Nothing against Spaam or Kingsford (sh_t happens, and I'm sure they both have good reasons for whatever caused them to not be here), but On With The Cup

We humbly suggest the following as the Groups for World Cup 6. These Groups were generated (using the method described in an SN38 post on page 43) with the appropriate random number generating technology. (Basically - I drew numbers out of a hat). These Groups would have to be approved by the WCC before becoming official.
(number in parenthesis following Team Name is current ranking)

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)
_AMP (100)

GROUP B
Total n Utter Insanity (7)
Snub Nose 38 (20)
The Belmore Family (47)
Malundar (100)

GROUP C
Svecia (2)
Ironchefk (9)
Gesamtkuntswerk (21)
Kingsford (51)

GROUP D
Tanah Burung (8 )
Lunatic Goofballs (11)
One Red Dot (30)
Copiosa Scotia (50)

GROUP E
Brazillico (1)
Runaway Moose (12)
Dark Outcasts (42)
Dannland (100)

GROUP F
Arridia (6)
Dennisov (14)
Bedistan (27)
Chakra (70)

GROUP G
Europa Britannia (4)
Errinundera (17)
Halfassedstates (49)
Akbarland (100)

GROUP H
Lemmitania (3)
Spaam (14)
Audioslavia (40)
Cobra Cult (100)

(edit - don't read anything into the fact that i put "suggest" in bold italics. i just learned how to do bold, and italics, and you know what it's like when you have a new toy. you just have to use it.)

The groups look fine to me.

The groups look fine to me.

Since you're the highest ranked in such a group, 'course you're fine with it.

Least TnUI ain't in that suggested group :wink:

Hmm. . . . I suggest switching Oglethorpia with Snub Nose 38.

Hmm. . . . I suggest switching Oglethorpia with Snub Nose 38.

Eh, another chance to try and beat him.

Hey Ogly, you're KF's pal in RL, aren't you? Do you know when he's getting back from NM?

Hey Ogly, you're KF's pal in RL, aren't you? Do you know when he's getting back from NM?

Well Lemm, I have known him from before NS from an online RollerCoaster Tycoon community, but I don't know him in r/l.

Anyways, I don't know how long he's going to be in New Mexico :?

These groups look good to me.

Tentative fixtures for World Cup 6 group stage:

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)
_AMP (100)

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington

Matchday 1:
Squornshelous - _AMP
Oglethorpia - Quohog

Matchday 2:
Squornshelous - Quohog
Oglethorpia - _AMP

Matchday 3:
Squornshelous - Oglethorphia
Quohog - _AMP

GROUP B
Total n Utter Insanity (7)
Snub Nose 38 (20)
The Belmore Family (47)
Malundar (100)

Lemmington Stadium @ Lemmington National University, Lemumbus

Matchday 1:
TnUI - Malundar
SN38 - The Belmore Family

Matchday 2:
TnUI - The Belmore Family
SN38 - Malundar

Matchday 3:
TnUI - SN38
The Belmore Family - Malundar

GROUP C
Svecia (2)
Ironchefk (9)
Gesamtkuntswerk (21)
Kingsford (51)

Tiny Stadium, the Swamplands

Matchday 1:
Svecia - Kingsford
Ironchefk - Gesamtkuntswerk

Matchday 2:
Svecia - Gesamkuntswerk
Ironchefk - Kingsford

Matchday 3:
Svecia - Ironchefk
Gesamkuntswerk - Kingsford

GROUP D
Tanah Burung (8 )
Lunatic Goofballs (11)
One Red Dot (30)
Copiosa Scotia (50)

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington

Matchday 1:
Tanah Burung - Copiosa Scotia
Lunatic Goofballs - One Red Dot

Matchday 2:
Tanah Burung - One Red Dot
Lunatic Goofballs - Copiosa Scotia

Matchday 3:
Tanah Burung - Lunatic Goofballs
One Red Dot - Copiosa Scotia

GROUP E
Brazillico (1)
Runaway Moose (12)
Dark Outcasts (42)
Dannland (100)

Treefront Stadium, Lemvoola

Matchday 1:
Brazillico - Dannland
Runaway Moose - Dark Outcasts

Matchday 2:
Brazillico - Dark Outcasts
Runaway Moose - Dannland

Matchday 3:
Brazillico - Runaway Moose
Dark Outcasts - Dannland

GROUP F
Arridia (6)
Dennisov (14)
Bedistan (27)
Chakra (70)

Lonnie Mack Stadium, Lemmadelphia

Matchday 1:
Ariddia - Chakra
Dennisov - Bedistan

Matchday 2:
Ariddia - Bedistan
Dennisov - Chakra

Matchday 3:
Ariddia - Dennisov
Bedistan - Chakra

GROUP G
Europa Britannia (4)
Errinundera (17)
Halfassedstates (49)
Akbarland (100)

Three Trees Stadium, Limmsburgh

Matchday 1:
EB - Akbarland
Errinundera - Halfassedstates

Matchday 2:
EB - Halfassedstates
Errinundera - Akbarland

Matchday 3:
EB - Errinundera
Halfassedstates - Akbarland

GROUP H
Lemmitania (3)
Spaam (14)
Audioslavia (40)
Cobra Cult (100)

Lemco City Municipal Stadium, Lemco City

Matchday 1:
Lemmitania - Cobra Cult
Spaam - Audioslavia

Matchday 2:
Lemmitania - Audioslavia
Spaam - Cobra Cult

Matchday 3:
Lemmitania - Spaam
Audioslavia - Cobra Cult

Well Lemm, I have known him from before NS from an online RollerCoaster Tycoon community, but I don't know him in r/l.

Well, if RollerCoaster Tycoon ain't real life, I don't know what is.

we are never going to finish this.....surely someone has to change the rules for following cups so that you cannot host if you are expecting prolonged absences.....it is only fair IMO

Well Lemm, I have known him from before NS from an online RollerCoaster Tycoon community, but I don't know him in r/l.

Well, if RollerCoaster Tycoon ain't real life, I don't know what is.

It's a computer game and we were both moderators at a RCT website which closed in April.

[We see the interior of a luxury jetliner. About 45 people are onboard -- the team members, coach, assistant coaches, and various team staff. A somewhat mountainous area surrounded by desert can be seen below, as well as a decently-sized city. A similar aircraft is preparing to land at an airport on the southern side of the city.]

Team captain Gene Barber: "Uh, Jack, are you sure this is the right place?"

Pilot Jack Farnham: "Thirty-five degrees north, one-o-seven west -- yep, that's the place."

Barber: "I dunno, it just doesn't seem right..."

Farnham: "Look, there's the official Kingsford government plane, right over there. This has to be it."

[Barber consults a GPS he happens to have on board.]

Barber: "Jack, this thing says we're over Albuquerque, New Mexico."

Farnham: "New Mexico??"

[Telephone rings. Team coach Jim Parker answers.]

Parker: "Hello?"

[He pauses. We can't hear what's being said on the other end of the line.]

Parker: "Mm-hm......yes......I see......OK, we'll do that. Thanks for letting us know." [hangs up]

[Everyone looks expectantly at Parker, except for Farnham, because he's obviously flying the plane.]

Parker: "Well, I have some...odd...news. That was the WCC that just called, and they said the Cup is temporarily being moved to Lemmitania because of something going on with the Kingsford government."

Substitute goalkeeper Chuck Mitchell: "Well, I guess that at least explains why we're seeing a Kingsford government plane in Albuquerque. But why here?"

Parker: "Who knows? Jack, can you take us to..." [He gives the pilot the coordinates for Lemmitania, which were given to him by the caller.]

Farnham: "Sure, no problem."

[The plane makes the obligatory left turn, then proceeds toward Lemmitania. Everyone except the pilot goes to sleep.]

GROUP H
Lemmitania (3)
Spaam (14)
Audioslavia (40)
Cobra Cult (100)



Matchday 2, bring it on ya lemming ;)

IC: DUM DUM DUMMM

Hello, and welcome to Audioslavia Sports Network with me, Tony Italics

...and me, Norman Normal.

This is our new daily show on World Cup Six, to give you the updates on all the happenings in the world's most popular tournament

World Cup Six is being held temporarily on the turf of our neighbours Lemmitania, due to unforseen and unexplained circumstances regarding the original hosts Kingsford and Spaam.

Now, a run down of the groups, what are your thoughts on group A Norm?

_AMP, our qualifying groupmates, have made it as far as the cup which is a credit to them, but seing as we beat them home and away, and the three teams in their group are all statistically better than us, i'd have to say they'll make an early exit.

Who do you pick to progress?

Ogle and Quohog have had more competive games than Squornshelous recently, but both had relatively easy groups. I pick this group to be tight, i cant see Squornshelous walking it by a long shot

come on, name the two sides Norm....

Ok Ok, i pick Ogle and Quohog ahead of Squorn, with _AMP being the groups 'whipping boys'

I thought Quohog were whipping boys?

I didnt mean in THAT way dude....

OK, group B TnUI are there, unfortunately

heh, unfortunately i think they'll be good enough to get through. I pick Belmore to follow them into the second round ahead of Snub Nose, why? because i just think TBF have more killer instinct, i mean look how many wars theyve tried to start..

heh, ok, group C, probably the hardest group?

Thats right. Svecia took third place last time out, Ironchefk and Gesamkuntswerk are ranked highly, and of course Kingsford are an established footballing nation. If this group went on RPing, then Kingsford and Gesamtkuntswerk would go through, and Ironchefk wouldnt have even qualified for the world cup, but seing as it doesnt id have to pick the two seeded teams

Group D?

One Red Dot and Copiosa Scotia are perenially average teams who have topped their group easily

They remind me of the likes of Norway and Belgium

quite, id pick one of them to go through, but Tanah, ex hosts, will put up a brave fight. I think Goofballs' dodgy qualifying campaign will effect them and they'll miss out. ORD and Tanah to progress.

What about Group E? another toughie

Yep, id expect the champions to go through but Runaway and Outcasts are very good teams in their own right. I pick Outcasts and Brazilico to get through. I dont rate Dannland to be honest.

Group F? Would i be right in assumning we have two former champs in this group?

I cant remember if Arridia have won the cup before, but Dennisov were WC5 champs. Id pick them two to walk it if Bedistan werent there too, and i rate them quite highly.

What about H? i think if it were up to the 'slavian citizens wed see Halfassedstates progressing eh?

Yep, but unfortunately i dont see them as strong enough contenders, and seing as Akbarland arent exactly worldbeaters id pick Errinundera and Europa Britannia to progress.

Now... i think we should play the DUM DUM DUMM music........ slowly.... Normal... describe to the nice audience... the contents of Group H...

Us. Lemmitania. Spam. Cobra Cult.

We get another chance at the Lemmings! and of course Cobra Cult who did us over at home in the qualifiers

Who cares? i think as long as we beat Lemmitania then Audioslavia will be happy even if we dont progress.

Its mouth-watering isnt it?

It is. Its our third meeting with the Lemmings, theyve always had a superior side but thats not so important in derby matches like this. If you want proof, look at Scotland. Theyve beaten England almost as many times as England have beaten them. If this match wasnt on Lemmitanian soil id think we might have a better chance, but to be honest id hope for a draw at best.

What about the prospects of Spaam and Cobra Cult?

I dont pick Cobra to progress, but Spaam will revel in the dark-horses role as the world puts the spotlight on us and Lemmy. Id pick Spaam to go through, and the second spot to be taken by one of us. The optimist in me picks the 'slaves to go to the second round.

You heard it here first, anyway, now for some other news about random pap, c ya l8r maybe

Well Lemm, I have known him from before NS from an online RollerCoaster Tycoon community, but I don't know him in r/l.

Well, if RollerCoaster Tycoon ain't real life, I don't know what is.

It's a computer game and we were both moderators at a RCT website which closed in April.I was just making a joke about how all-consuming those sim games can be.

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington
Home of the Lemmington Lemmings of the LRU
Capacity: 90,000
Turf: Natural

The crowning jewel of Lemmitanian stadia, this is where the World Cup finals would be held in the unlikely event that Kingsford fell in a hole and died. Lemmington is widely regarded as the biggest, most beautiful, wonderful, perfect city in Lemmitania. Though the citizens of cities other than Lemmington have a hard time acknowledging this obvious, obvious fact. Why can’t they see that Lemmingtonians are just plain better than the rest of them?

Anyway, think what you will of big, huge, wonderful Lemmington (where the Lonx is up and the Lattery’s down, the people ride in a hole in the ground, Lemmington, Lemmitania! It’s a wonderful town!), nobody in their right mind disputes that the National Stadiuim is lovely. Built to look like an old-time stadium with beautiful iron-and-brick facades, but with all the modern conveniences (17 different restaurants, from the gourmet Chez Chicerie to the bier-hall ambience of Clyde’s Bierhall; ALDs [Automated Lemming Dispensers] everywhere, even in the can; and, what the hell, electrically heated seating for those chilly nights watching the Lemmings), it’s what every other city in Lemmitania wishes they could afford. Cross your fingers and hope that your team plays here.


Quohog Coach Lauren Silko recently spoke after a practice at the National Stadium: "This is almost as good as the stadiums that we have back home. Of course, I doubt that their major corporations have made it a competition to see who can make the nicest stadium. I believe that the best one is still the one in the center of downtown Quohog, Quohog. The price on that one was fronted by the WeKillLittlePuppies Reaserch Firm and is estimated to be around 4.5 billion. However, we're happy playing here and are glad that we came early. The players are committed, they want this. Tok Timbu (def-R) has healed up pretty well from that nasty fall he took in the game against TnUI, so the whole team is ready. Now, if we can win at least one of our first two games, we get to end with an easy one."

The rest of the team has been unavailable for comment, but did send a team message out: "As long as we don't have to play in an Errinunderan stadium again, we don't care if we play in somebody's back yard." For Quohog Football News, this is Francis Harrouard (former mid-fielder with the national team).

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)
_AMP (100)

Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington

Matchday 1:
Squornshelous - _AMP
Oglethorpia - Quohog

Matchday 2:
Squornshelous - Quohog
Oglethorpia - _AMP

Matchday 3:
Squornshelous - Oglethorphia
Quohog - _AMP

Overall this looks like a good competitive group.

_AMP may not win any games but it seems to be fairly evenly matched otherwise.

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)


:shock:

Glad I'm not there :)

fairly vicious looking eh.

Well Lemm, I have known him from before NS from an online RollerCoaster Tycoon community, but I don't know him in r/l.

Well, if RollerCoaster Tycoon ain't real life, I don't know what is.

It's a computer game and we were both moderators at a RCT website which closed in April.

I was just making a joke about how all-consuming those sim games can be.

Stupidity got the best of me.

Stupidity got the best of me.

No comment.

Stupidity got the best of me.

No comment.

Keep it to yourself, you silly Englishman.

Stupidity got the best of me.

No comment.

Keep it to yourself, you silly Englishman.

I did, you silly Americanman :P

Stupidity got the best of me.

No comment.

Keep it to yourself, you silly Englishman.

I did, you silly Americanman :P

I know you by now, Total n Utter Jackass.

This in no way proves a link between the two of us!

This in no way proves a link between the two of us!

Your stupidity knows no bounds.

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)


:shock:

Glad I'm not there :)

whimper, whimper "why oh why am I the lowest ranked out of the competetive ones?"

GROUP F
Arridia (6)
Dennisov (14)
Bedistan (27)
Chakra (70)

Lonnie Mack Stadium, Lemmadelphia

Matchday 1:
Ariddia - Chakra
Dennisov - Bedistan

Matchday 2:
Ariddia - Bedistan
Dennisov - Chakra

Matchday 3:
Ariddia - Dennisov
Bedistan - Chakra



"We're just glad to be underway," Ariddian team captain Ranjit Khan said. "We just want to get into there and play."

"You bet I'm excited!" Jean Cerf said, proudly wearng his red and black uniform. "We aim to make it a great first match, too."

"It's not an easy group," new player Luc N'tula said. "There's no such thing as an easy group. Every team is going to want to do what it takes to qualify."

This team includes many new faces, including goalkeeper David al-Jibai, but forward pair Raphael Ford and Myrtille Dubois are still here, a reliable asset. Various team members have dismissed questions on whether Ford and Dubois, who are both in their late twenties, have developped a romantic interest for each other; the two were allegedly seen together in a restaurant. "Let's just focus on their playing, shall we?" was all fellow player Myn Terrell had to say.

The team has, on the other hand, confirmed that Ralph Khaled, who was slightly injured during training, will be playing.

Mr Woo: Welcome to the Giant Zucchini World Cup show. Tonight it is our honour to have Mr Hurr, coach of the Giant Zucchini national side with us.

Mr Hurr: It is my pleasure to be here.

Mr Woo: Not quite a successful World Cup campaign this year...

Mr Hurr: It was disappointing, I was hoping to at least qualify. Never mind, we'll try again next year.

Mr Woo: We now look at the groups in this World Cup. First up, Group A.

Mr Hurr: This is a tough one for _AMP. They're going to have a tough time qualifying for the next round in a group like this. If Squornshelous can keep up their form from last year, they're set for the Round of 16. Oglethorpia and Quohog, well, it can go either way.

Mr Woo: Group B looks tough.

Mr Hurr: Once again its a three-way fight between TnUI, Snub Nose and The Belmore Family, who has been improving in leaps and bounds, especially after winning the Champions League with Alan City. However, I'll go with TnUI and Snub Nose.

Mr Woo: Group C?

Mr Hurr: Easily a Group of Death, especially when Kingsford is an underdog. Svecia and Ironchefk look strong in this group though.

Mr Woo: Group D has to be the Group of Death.

Mr Hurr: Not surprising, but expect Tanah Burung and Lunatic Goofballs to steal the show. Maybe the Red Dot Samurais can pull off something from their previous form, but the likelyhood is low. This is a tough group.

Mr Woo: Group E?

Mr Hurr: Brazillico and Runaway Moose just have to put in their usual effort and they should squeeze through this group easily.

Mr Woo: Group F?

Mr Hurr: This is the chance for Dennisov to prove himself. If he does not perform, then the stage is set for Bedistan and of course Arridia. I have a nagging feeling they can finally win it this year.

Mr Woo: Group G?

Mr Hurr: This is going to be a dream World Cup if Arridia and Europa Brittania meet each other in the final. Both teams have tried very hard from the beginning to win it, but always just miss it. I hope this World Cup allows them the chance to shine. Of course, we will be looking forward to Zurich's performance. He has been a main part of Marauding's dominance in the Giant Zucchini Premier League. The second spot is a wild card.

Mr Woo: Finally, Group H.

Mr Hurr: Another three-way battle between Lemmitania, Spaam and Audioslavia. All three are strong teams, but I feel that Spaam will run away with this group.

Mr Woo: Thank you for your time. Here's wishing for another good World Cup. It's goodbye here from Giant Zucchini. Good night.

- Then there is an airport?
- Yes, but it's 15 miles from the stadium.
- That's not very far, Eileen. What'll it take, about 25 minutes to drive...
- Not drive, Ben. Pedal.
- Pedal?
- Lemmitania banned automobiles. No cars. Bicycles.
- ...Bicycles?
- Yeah. We'll have to bicycle everything from the airport to the hotel and the stadium, and between the hotel and the stadium.
- Are they crazy?
- They're lemmings, Ben. They follow each other over cliffs to drown in the ocean. This could be considered other than sane behaviour, yes.
- There's no exceptions, waivers, dispensations?
- There's bicycles.
- Bicycles?
- Bicycles.
- Ok, then..ok, umm...get about 50 of those tri-cycles that can carry cargo, you know, with the big basket in the back? And about 50 of the ones that are like - what's it - like - uh...
- Rickshaws?
- Yeah, 50 of them. Hire about 100 people to pedal them, and charter an extra plane to bring the pedalers and the tri-cycles to Lemumbus. I don't want the Hooligans to pedal at all - they have to save every ounce of strength and endurance for the matches.
- Where am I supposed to get "pedalers"?
- The bicycle messenger services in the city - pay 'em whatever you have to.
- All right. Now, about the coaching staff, security, and...
- THEY can pedal their butts off. The tri-cycles are for the players, their gear, and team gear. Everybody else pulls their own weight.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
- You?
- Yes, m...hmmm. Ahh...get another 50 tri-cycles, and another 50 pedalers, and another charter plane if you have to.
- How about the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders?
- Definitely NOT them. They are on their own. In fact, if they don't know what stadium we're playing in, don't tell 'em. In fact, tell 'em we're on the way to New Mexico.
----------------------------------
OOC: Urk. :oops: Upon further review, it seems that it's Errinundera that banned cars. The research staff for this scene has been executed. The scene, however, must remain as evidence. In the event that it turns out Lemmitania has also banned cars - well - we'll try to resuscitate the research staff.
Besides - think what fun it will be to see the Hooligans pedaling along on the highways in Lemmitania. And imagine what Ben will have to say to Eileen.

Group of D...

The draw was unkind to Tanah Burung, used to easier groups than this one. Joining the Crocodiles are Lunatic Goofballs, One Red Dot and Copiosa Scotia. "It is a tough draw, with no weak teams in the group," said coach Bi Kikere. "But we have never failed to advance out of our group yet, and we do not plan to fail this year."

The skinny:

Lunatic Goofballs - one of the World Cup elite since their debut in WC4, where they topped the group stage and advanced along with second-place Tanah Burung. Always among the top teams, Goofballs are best known for their fun-loving fans and raucous play. Their one meeting with Tanah Burung ended in a draw.

One Red Dot - a perennial Cup qualifier, but one that has had trouble advancing beyond the group stage. This year's entry may be their most competitive yet.

Copiosa Scotia - One of the surprise teams from this year's qualifiers, Scotia topped the qualifying group that the Crocodiles had been expected to win. Their record against Tanah Burung stands at 1-1. At this Cup, the Crocs will be looking for revenge.

Tanah Burung is expected to stress territorial defence and rely on forays by strikers David Cavaco and Ab Francisco (plus rookie midfielder Wim van Esterik) for scoring. Simon da Gama has been given the job as starting goalkeeper.

Group of D...
Copiosa Scotia - One of the surprise teams from this year's qualifiers, Scotia topped the qualifying group that the Hooligans had been expected to win. Their record against Tanah Burung stands at 1-1. At this Cup, the Crocs will be looking for revenge.

The Editorial Staff at ASPN offers the above correction to the Tanah Burung News Agency. Please note these are NOT the same editors that did the research for the Ben & Eileen Dover Prepare To Depart For Lemmitania scene.

Three Trees Stadium (Limmsburgh)
Home of the Limmsburgh Limers of the LRU
Capacity: 58,000
Turf: Artificial (“Lemmingturf”)

It’s hard to say which is lovelier: the view of the tree-lined cliffs overlooking downtown Limmsburgh, or the skyline seen from the cliffs above. Downtown Limmsburgh is compact, the handful of skyscrapers wedged (literally, in the shape of a wedge) between the “three trees”: one is a Great Oiho, nearly eighty feet tall, with a dense crown of brilliant green in the summer and vibrant red in the autumn; the second, a Galleghananiny, stands one hundred fifty-three feet high, with a trunk thick enough that an eighteen-wheeled lorry that plowed into it last year did not significant damage; and the third, a Mongongohelongo big enough to fit a small community of Errinundrians-- say, 10,000 of them.

At the tip of the wedge is Three Trees, a workable if unexciting venue for the Limers and for Limmburgh’s semi-pro football squad, the Rimerats. The turf hasn’t been replaced in nearly ten years, and you can tell-- the vast number of divots have earned it the nickname “old moonie.” They say new turf is in order for next season (next LRU season, that is) but that won’t do the World Cup any good. Oh well. It’s playable, anyway. At least, the Rimerats didn’t suffer too many turf-related injuries this year.

GROUP G
Europa Britannia (4)
Errinundera (17)
Halfassedstates (49)
Akbarland (100)

Three Trees Stadium, Limmsburgh

Matchday 1:
EB - Akbarland
Errinundera - Halfassedstates

Matchday 2:
EB - Halfassedstates
Errinundera - Akbarland

Matchday 3:
EB - Errinundera
Halfassedstates - Akbarland


Halfassedstates looks forward to playing at the Three Trees Stadium! Our medical team has been put on standby!!! :wink:

What about H? i think if it were up to the 'slavian citizens wed see Halfassedstates progressing eh?

Yep, but unfortunately i dont see them as strong enough contenders, and seing as Akbarland arent exactly worldbeaters id pick Errinundera and Europa Britannia to progress.
Cheers Audio - seeya in the final :lol:

Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!


***Newsflash***
In a freak accident this afternoon, King Jimmy tripped while playing Tennis in his front garden and landed in one of the Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree's recently gifted to us by Gilmeecia. The King is not seriously injured, but he did have to be rushed to hospital to 'remove' a few of the prickers that had embedded themselves on his person. :shock: :oops:

From the sports pages of this mornings Scuttlebutt:

The Snub Nose 38 National Football side, the Hooligans, have been drawn into Group B for World Cup 6 Group Play. While Group B is not the dreaded "Group of Death", it should be a very interesting group. The other three sides in Group B are Total n Utter Insanity, The Belmore Family, and Malundar.

Total n Utter Insanity are ranked 7th going into qualifying for WC6. TnUI are a perennial winning side in international football competition, with a long and glorious record. They are the favorites in Group B, but not unbeatable. "They're good, but they're just another football side," said Ben Dover, Manager of the Hooligans. TnUI are the side to beat in this Group, with tactics and strategy extremely important.

The Belmore Family are ranked 47th, but cut quite a wide swath through their qualifying group. TBF had already secured a qualifying spot before they lost a single match during the qualifiers. The rumor is that after they knew they had qualified, TBF choose to rest some of their starters and give playing time to some of their excellent substitutes. TBF matches are going to be hard fought and interesting.

Malundar are making their debut in international play at the World Cup level. And quite a debut it is. They're already guaranteed to improve their rating from 100th at the outset of qualifying to 32nd or better once WC6 is completed. They've proven they are a side that can win at this level, and are not to be taken for granted. They have talent, they have heart, they have coaching, and they have the will to win.

Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. Our Hooligans went into qualifying ranked 20th, and during the qualifiers were doing quite well up until the last. The Snub Nose 38 side are a good team, and are a match for any side in this Group. Their fans are hoping that they look more like the Hooligans of the early qualifiers and less like the Hooligans of the later qualifiers.

We're looking forward to Group Play - we expect to see a lot of exciting football played.

GROUP A
Squornshelous (5)
Oglethorpia (13)
Quohog (25)


:shock:

Glad I'm not there :)

whimper, whimper "why oh why am I the lowest ranked out of the competetive ones?"
The Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Picking Numbers Out of a Hat denies any wrongdoing. "It was just the luck of the draw," said Anita Brake, Minister of Picking Numbers Out of a Hat, "The rumor that the blindfold slipped as I drew Quohog's number is totally false."
(It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.) :wink:

OOC: Urk. :oops: Upon further review, it seems that it's Errinundera that banned cars. The research staff for this scene has been executed. The scene, however, must remain as evidence. In the event that it turns out Lemmitania has also banned cars - well - we'll try to resuscitate the research staff.
Besides - think what fun it will be to see the Hooligans pedaling along on the highways in Lemmitania. And imagine what Ben will have to say to Eileen.

No, we banned cars too. Don't cancel those pedalers, you're going to need 'em.

Lemumbus is about 30 km from Lemmington, BTW, making it part of the big, beautiful Lemmington metro area. The Lemumbus International Airport's way out on the west side of Lemumbus, about 20 km from the stadium. There would be a light rail, but they don't believe in those things in lemumbus. Too bad you aren't playing in Lemmington proper. They have trains going right from the airports (two of 'em) to the stadium.

If no one objects, I'm going to take it upon myself to begin generating group results today. If anyone does object (especially WCC members), please let me know.

BTW, if Tanah Burung would be so kind as to generate the Lemmitania scores, it would be much appreciated.

News Release from The Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Justice and Real Estate:

Upon inquiry, the Government of the Borderlands of Lemmitania informed the Government of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 that automobiles are, in fact, totally banned in Lemmitania.

The families of the editorial research staff who were exectued earlier today for falsely reporting the banning of cars in Lemmitania each sent a nice “Thank you” note to Lemmitania. The families are now in the process of sueing the Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Justice and Real Estate. The Pathology and Execution Division of Saint Swithens Hospital is still trying to resuscitate the executed researchers. One of the researcher’s did appear for a moment to be smiling, but medical staff soon determined that it was just gas.

BTW, if Tanah Burung would be so kind as to generate the Lemmitania scores, it would be much appreciated.

ooc - 'Twould be an honour. I'll send shortly. By the way, why are we playing at the Lemmitania national stadium while the Lemmings are relegated to Lemco City municipal stadium?

Meanwhile, in football news:

The Flying Cassowary approached the city of Lemmington cautiously. A somewhat battered-looking Bi Kikere sat at the wheel of the slow-moving blimp, pointing it directly at the stadium where Copiosa Scotian players couodl already be seen warming up. "Revenge!" she was heard to mutter as she held the wheel in a vice-like grip. "Revenge!"

Okay, I'm TGing scores right now. I'm on the sloooow home machine, so bear with me.

Results have been TGed to all but Chakra, who appear to have sunk into the sea.

DUM DUM DUMMM

Welcome to Lemmitania ladies and gents, for Audioslavia's first world cup match in 8 years. Lets go straight down into the commentary booth to Bob and Mike

Bob: Weve just kicked off here, Audioslavia seem well up for thisgame

Mike: yeah were like, really close to Lemmitania so this is almost a home game for us, with our fans just makin a short bike-ride and stuff

Bob: Thats right, theres a fair old array of green and red around the stadium

Mike: Heres a chance look, Menthol has it on the wing..

Bob: its a good cross, BENTLEYS THERE no, well wide, nt the best header in teh world

Mike: we are SO gonna win this dude!

[coming up to half-time]

Mike: dude we are so beat :/

Bob: SPAAM have scored their second goal of the game and Audioslavia look in disarray

Mike: we were cool until they scored but now the players are like, panicking

Bob: i think they remember what happened to Everman and Sundqvist after WC5...

Mike: Either way were down 2-0, and half-times just come.

Bob: meh, i cant be bothered with this anymore, we'll show you the second half 2mora morning, even tho this game is being played at 3:00 in teh afternoon it feels like its half-one in the morning already......

Mike: nite bitches :)

The Akbarland football federation is extremely pleased with the 3-3 draw with EB.The goals coming from a Samin Akbar penalty on 10 minutes , another one from him on the stroke of half-time and an Ahmed header on 73 minutes.Each time Akbarland was given the lead.

World Cup Start "Not As Good As Expected"

LEMMADELPHIA, LEMMITANIA -- After a brief and unintentional side trip to New Mexico, the airplane carrying the Bedistan Lions and their staff landed at Lemmadelphia Airport just three hours before the start of the match. The team then became highly worried upon learning that automobiles are banned in Lemmitania and that they would have to bike their way to Lonnie Mack Stadium. It took a while to acquire four dozen bicycles for their journey, and the team finally reached the stadium with mere minutes to spare.

The opponent was Dennisov, champions from World Cup 4 and currently ranked 14th in the world.

The game boiled down to pure defense. Both sides managed a considerable number of attacks on goal, but both Bedistani goalkeeper Olivia Bream and her Dennish counterpart easily blocked most of these shots. Midfielder John Burks almost managed to slip a goal through in the 33rd minute, but his shot went wide by a mere quarter of an inch.

The only goal in the game was the result of a poor tackle by Bedistani midfielder Tim King giving Dennisov a penalty shot. The shot went left, but Bream had gone right and had no chance of stopping it. Dennisov emerged from the match victorious.

Two games remain in first-round play, and the Lions will next face Ariddia, whom the team met before in WC5 qualifying -- that match ended in a draw. "We'll have to give a good performance in the Ariddia game," says team coach Jim Parker, "and also hope for a win against Chakra if we want to move on." He also mentioned that the final first-round match might be made somewhat easier by the fact that the Chakra players apparently no longer have a mother country, which could greatly demoralize them.

Final score:
Dennisov 1
Bedistan 0

After our first Game of World Cup 6. The Squornshelous Phsychoes are proud to announce a victory over _AMP.

The Scoring began in the 13th minute when WC5 All-star Midfielder, Paul Scott made a tough header off a corner to put Squornshelous up 1-0. (cuts to game clips and commentary)

Analyst 1: So we'll see the first corner of the game here, it's up, floats into the penalty area and, Beautiful header by Scott! Textbook execution!
Analyst 2: He really couldn't have done that any better.

Just before Halftime, in the 42nd minute, James Kieths, another prominent player in the last world cup, extended the Squornshelan lead on a breakaway.

Analyst 2: Janson, with the ball, moves it up the field to Thomas, he finds Kieths the unmarked man! Only the keeper to beat, and, It's in! James Kieths scores on a fantastic display of teamwork to put Squornshelous ahead 2-0!!
Analyst 1: The _AMP defenders must be asleep! How could they let Kieths get that wide open?!

In the 58th minute, the lead grew yet again as forward Norton Allison scored off a crossing pass from Kevin Thomas.

Analyst 2: Thomas moves the ball down the right side, he's challenged, gets away with the ball.
Analyst 1: Nice move by Thomas to keep control, and there's a crossing pass! Perfectly aimed it lands right on the foot of Allsion and he finishes it off. That makes the score 3-0, in favor of Squornshelous.
Analyst 2: Very pretty, arcing pass on that play, you can tell thesee guys practice that one a lot.

As the game drew to a close, _AMP became more and more desperate to score, because of this they seemed to rush their shots, and none really posed a threat to Nelson, the Keeper. As the clock wound down, in the 92nd minute, Keiths scored again off a pass from midfielder Wesley Janson. This goal iced the game, making it 4-0 Squornshelous.

Analyst 1: Bronson brings it down the field, moves it to Scott, Scott makes a move on his man.
Analyst 2: Very pretty move there, he passes across to Janson, quick pass up to Kieths and he's scored!! 4-0 Squornshelous, any chance _AMP had to win this one has just evaporated.
Analyst 1: That one was a goal from fatigue, those _AMP defenders have been hard pressed all day, they got tired, and made a mental mistake of leaving Janson a lane to pass to Kieths, and poof, 4-0.


Final Score:
Squornshelous-4
_AMP-0

Top Scorers:
Kieths (S)-2
Scott (S)-1
Allison (S)-1

*****THIS IS AN ASPN WORLD CUP 6 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*we’re in the new ASPN studio. the ASPN theme is being played – it's still the scratchy copy. the wc6 logo and the aspn logo are superimposed on the screen. we see the usual four magnificent goals, two beautiful saves, a very nice corner kick, and the snub nose 38 hooligan cheerleaders being pelted with over ripe vegetables.*

World Cup 6 play got underway in Lemmitania today, with the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans taking on The Belmore Family in todays second match in Lemumbus. The match was a defensive battle for the first half, with The Belmore Family's defence, led by Keeper Will Belmore, shutting down the Hooligan offense for the 24 minutes that Snub Nose 38 had possession, and the Hooligans under Pancake in goal flattened the TBF offense for the 21 minutes The Belmore Family had possession. There were some good chances for both sides, but no score.

*Brad takes a pass from Buster over his right shoulder, traps it, slips it past John Belmore, and fires on goal - where Will Belmore punches the ball away and Alex Belmore clears. then we see Alex Belmore again, taking the ball up the right side. as the Hooligan defense closes on him, he switchs fields to Tom Belmore, who slips the ball into the corner just in front of Alan Belmore. Alan crosses, and Ian Belmore heads the ball down towards the goal. Pancake dives, gathering the ball in mid air, and smothers it as he lands.*

At the half, 0 - 0. And, another 0 we fear, as the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders take the field.

*we see the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders, resplendent in their uniforms and full protective gear, run onto the pitch. as the conga drums pound, we hear.*

“Snub Nose 38 - Hip Hip Hurray!!
Hooligans, Hooligans will take the day!
The Bell Less Family, kith and kin
Are gonna get their butts kicked in.
Snu..."

*the belmore family fans, in the side colors, surround the hooligan cheerleaders and throw bushels of vegetables, already beginning to rot, at them. the cheerleaders catch some of the bushels and throw them back. snub nose 38 fans in the area cheer on the TBF fans. the TBF fans charge in close, and begin 'smushing' ripe tomatoes in the cheerleaders faces. security arrives, and drags the cheerleaders away...again...as usual.*

The Snub Nose 38 Cheerleaders were handed a written warning by the local authorities. When questioned after the game, Ben Dover, Manager of the Hooligans football side, swore several times, "I told 'em we were headed for New Mexico," Ben said, "But somehow they wound up here. We just can't seem to ditch 'em."

The second half was hardly underway when Spike, the Hooligans star striker, struck.

*the hooligan keeper kicks the ball to just past the mid line, where nails heads it down directly to spike. spike starts towards the TBF goal, evading defender after defender until he slips past the final TBF defender and slams the ball into the net just out of reach of the TBF keeper. the hooligans erupt into celebration*

The Belmore Family 0, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans 1 in the 48th minute. The Hooligans scored again in the 56th minute on what can only be described as a fluke.

*pancake, the hooligan keeper, drop kicks the ball well past the mid line, where it bounces high and towards the TBF defense. it hits the ground again in front of TBF defender james belmore, who just can't reach it. it bounces over his head, and down again between john belmore and alex belmore - who run into each other. the ball runs on the ground towards the goal as keeper will belmore dives for it, landing on it just as it crosses the line. the crowd is silent, and both sides look absolutely astounded.*

The Belmore Family 0, the Hooligans 2. The Belmore Family got back in the game in the 64th minute with this strike from Alan Belmore.

*alan belmore intercepts a hooligan defenders clearance at about 25 yards out, drives for the corner just long enough to bring the defender that way, whirls back towards the center of the pitch and fires just about one yard inside the box. the ball finds the far upper corner of the goal, and then the side netting. the belmore family side piles on in celebration.*

The Belmore Family had several other good chances, as did the Hooligans, but no one was able to finish again.

FINAL SCORE, THE BELMORE FAMILY 1 - SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2.

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 6 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*desert campsite. margaret has been listening to the former ministers radio. the former minister is sitting by the campfire, nursing a "38 special". margaret leaps to her feet.*

- THEY WON!! Whoopee, Yippee, Howdy Do!! The beggers won!!
- The Hooligans?
- You betcha, bub, the Hooligans!! Start packin'!
- Packing? Packing for what?
- I told you, if they won again we could sneak home! We're goin' home!

*the former minister chokes on a sob of joy and relief. he begins packing*

- Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, we gotta get movin'!
- Why the hurry, margaret?
- Because, buddy boy, we gotta get home before the next match.
- Or?
- Or, they might lose, and then we're stuck out here in the flippin' desert.
- Oh, god!! Hurry, Margaret, Hurry! Just pack the essentials - your rubber chicken, your leather pouch with the eagle feathers, and the beer! There's no time to lose!

Results have been TGed to all but Chakra, who appear to have sunk into the sea.

I don't suppose that means I can win by default? No, I suppose not. :p

Match report coming soon...

The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms have fallen today against Ironchefk in an amazing 3-2 match. Team Ironchefk, familiar opponents from previous cups, have caught the Sturms completely by surprise with an aggressive offensive putsch, resulting in a shutout first half and Ironchefk up by two. The second half revealed new strategem by the Sturms, allowing Gesamtkuntswerk to rebound and tie the game off. But the final offensive push by the Sturms was countered and beaten by Ironchefk, to give them the final goal before the game went out.

This loss has taken a very heavy toll on the Sturms, as they are up against the toughest in the league. Without this victory, the Sturms have to be able to beat third place Svecia and seal the deal with Kingsford in order to guarantee advancement. The Sturms are looking forward to the challenge, and will make their best effort yet in the days to come.

OOC: Must...RP...

IC: ...and just so you aren't totally bored here's the list of all of TnUIs international matches:

WC2 - GROUP H
Total n Utter Insanity 5 Dyelli Beybi 0
Total n Utter Insanity 3 El Gibbonia 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Kesgrave 0
WC3 - GROUP E
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Pax Humanis 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Ravenspire 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 The Brotherhood of Nod 0
2R
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Crosshill 0
WC4 - GROUP D
Total n Utter Insanity 4 Altamira 3
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Lemmitania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Spookistan and Jakalah 0
2R
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Jurassica 1
WC5 - GROUP 1
Total n Utter Insanity 4 Chakra 0
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Copiosa Scotia 0
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Dyelli Beybi 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Europa Brittania 0
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Pandemonius 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Moyk 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Oglethorpia 1
GROUP H
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Giant Zucchini 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2 One Red Dot 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Aston Villa 0
2R
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Oglethorpia 0 AET
QF
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Brazillico 0
WC6 - GROUP 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Liverpool England 1
Total n Utter Insanity 7 LordSquall 2
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Hegemonia Polska 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Mezitzia 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Errinundera 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Timway 0
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Quohog 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2 Liverpool England 0
Total n Utter Insanity 2 LordSquall 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Hegemonia Polska 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Mezitzia 0
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Errinundera 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Timway 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Quohog 1

Umm. . . . thank you for sharing, TnUI.

OOC: I put the team roster up on the roster page, so if anyone was curious…
Balzar: Hi, this is Balzar Urquell with former Quohog national team striker Quin Zheng, and we’ll be providing the coverage during World Cup VI. We are joined today by Quohog Football Minister Cornelis Huyghen. Minister, how does the government feel about the way the team has been playing so far?

Cornelis: We obviously feel very good. When we gave Silko the team, she said to lay off her and let her handle things. Well, we’ve done that and it has become increasingly clear that she is the right person for the job.

Quin: What was that we heard about the “accidental deaths” of some relatives of the team players after they lost their last two games in qualifiers? I thought that the football stars were off limits to that sort of thing.

Cornelis: They are, and I assure you that the person responsible for that mistake has been brought to justice. We’re very happy with the way the team has performed. First in the qualifying round is a great achievement.

Quin: I’m glad that restitutions were made. I am a former player, so I receive the special treatment, and I wouldn’t appreciate it if my family were killed.

Balzar: That’s for sure, the government needs to know when to back off.

Cornelis: You know, we’re on the air. While Quin might be allowed to say what he will, you Urquell, are not. Unless you want to come home and find your new wife has had an… accident, I would leave off the political comments.

Balzar: Ummm…

Quin: Shut up Balzar, or you’ll dig yourself into a hole. Oh look, it seems that the team is about to come onto the field. Head Coach Lauren Silko has put together a great team. I remember Brannick, Singh, and Nemea from my playing days, and the rest of the team seems to be shaping up well. They’ll need everyone playing to their utmost to win against the Oglethorpians.

Cornelis: Pish! They’ll run right over the competition! No one will come close.

Balzar: Actually, Oglethorpia might be a slightly better team, although Quohog is hot right now.

Cornelis: Are you contradicting me? That’s it, your great-uncle Ben seems to be coming down with a strange case of death!

Balzar: No! Please! Not old Ben!

Cornelis: You’re still whining? Fine, aunt Rita seems to be coming down with that death bug as well!

Quin: Shut your mouth Balzar before you doom the rest of your family and perhaps yourself. Anyways, the first few minutes have passed without much excitement. Both sides are being careful right now, I don’t think that either team wants to be caught out in a mistake.

Balzar: (white and shaking) Yes, there is always the danger of a counter attack if you send too many men up on an attack.

Cornelis: Are you saying our team is incompetent? That they don’t know how to attack? That’s it, your brother’s going to get it!

Balzar: Not Pete! I wasn’t trying to say the team couldn’t do it, just that there is always the danger of a counter-attack…

Cornelis: Now you are contradicting me! Oh boy, you just want all of your relatives to wind up dead, don’t you?

Quin: And Quohog is beginning an attack up the right side of the field…

Cornelis: How about your son Doug? Do you think that he should be the next to go…

Quin: and Singh has sent a long-ball up to Masseret in the corner, who crosses…

Balzar: Please, he’s only eight! How could you be so cruel?

Quin: Armant has made it out in front of his attacker, but will he be able to beat the goalie…

Cornelis: (smashing Balzar about the head with a keyboard) take that! And that! Your wife will get it too, now stop resisting! And that!

(Screen Goes Blank For About 40 Minutes Until Coverage Resumes At Halftime)

Quin: Well, you missed a pretty good first half. The score is still 0-0, but both sides got some decent attacks in. Quohog seems to be winning the game of possession, their strong midfield really paying off. I’m afraid that our guest, the former Football Minister Cornelis Huyghen has just been forced into an early and permanent retirement for his actions on screen by a couple of government agents. Balzar also seems to be gone for good. I guess that I’ll have to search for another former player to be my anchor for the next game. The players are now retaking the field.

(Reappearance of a bloody Balzar who runs up to the camera with two men and woman in black suits chasing him)

Balzar: Run for it honey, try to get out of the country, perhaps Errinundera will take you in… No please!

(His body is hurled into the camera and everything goes black until after the game)

Quin: What a game! Neither team was making much headway, but Singh was able to push that one pass through to Masseret, and she made that great shot around the goalie. There was not a lot that Oglethorpia could do about it. So Quohog wins it’s first match in World Cup 6 1-0 against the talented Oglethorpian team. All Quohog needs to do now is win against _AMP, the whipping boys of the group, and they are into the round of 16. Of course, a win or tie against Squornshelous would be nice as well, but not necessary as long as Quohog doesn’t screw up and wins the easy one. On a personal note, I’ve decided that I’ll never again do a broadcast with a non-player, just too disruptive. So, if any former national team players would like to co-anchor with me, please contact Quohog Football News. Have a good day and meet your government quota for work.

Ariddia v. Chakra

Frédéric (Commentator 1): "Welcome, one and all, to Ariddia's first match in this sixth edition to the World Cup! We're in Lemmitania, the weather is... cool but sunny, and they're just carrying the flags out onto the pitch!"

Yves (Commentator 2): "And with Ariddia not needing to take part in the qualifiers, it's been a long time since we've seen some red and black on the field! Let's take a look at the team playing for Ariddia today."

GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Jean Cerf (4), John Ness (13), Boris Stairs (20), Jon Quinez (16)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Raph Khaled (22), Michel Leschamps (14), Andrei Karel (15)
ATT: Raphael Ford (2), Myrtille Dubois (6)

Yves: "No surprises here. New player al-Jibai as goalkeeper, and a lot of hopes resting on him today. Cerf, Ness, Stairs and Quinez in defence. Not the best-known of Ariddian players, less so than some defenders in previous Cups. Khan, Khaled, Leschamps and Karel as a fairly solid mid-field quartet. And the team's main asset, Ford and Dubois as attackers."


5th minute:
Yves: "Well, a fairly slow start, the teams still warming up, testing each other. A few opportunities, but no serious threats yet to either side."

Frédéric: "Ariddia keeping possession of the ball most of the time, keeping it moving, probing Chakra's defences. Leschamps to Karel, he. . . chooses to slip it through to Dubois. . . First shot on goal! Deflected, Chakra's defence has it now, and a long pass up the other end of the field."

Yves: "Ness intercepts, passes to... It's re-intercepted. Chakra playing cautious but still pressing in here. Ness has it again, and clears it for Khaled."


22nd minute:
Yves: "Ford shakes off those two mid players, and he's moving fast! The Ariddian supporters in the stadium are up and cheering! This is what they've been waiting for. Dubois, keeping up on the other side; he passes to her as the defenders move in. She... slips past that sole defender, shoots! It's a save by Chakra's goalkeeper."


40th minute:
Frédéric: "Counter-attack by Chakra. They keep the ball circulating, an impressive pattern that Ariddia's defenders don't seem able to break... They're going to shoot... Ooh, that's a foul! Foul by Stairs! Any closer, and that would have got them a penalty kick... Free kick for Chakra."

Yves: 'They play it quickly... And it's well aimed! Nice save by al-Jibai!"


56th minute:
Yves: "Ariddia's attackers just don't seem to be breaking through, do they? Wait, Ford has it, pushing through... Ouch! A nasty tackle there by Chakra defence, and that must have hurt..."

Frédéric: "This will mean a penalty kick for Ariddia, though, and a chance to open the score. Wait, look... Ford is up, and he's shoved the tackler to the ground! It's heating up here!"

Yves: "The other players are holding them both back, the referee is getting out a card... And he gives a yellow card to both of them. I have to say, they both deserved it. Ford insists he can still play despite that nasty fall..."

Frédéric: "But he's letting Dubois kick it."

Yves: "She shoots... It's just over the top. Not often Dubois actually mis-aims..."


71st minute:
Frédéric: "Corner for Chakra... They get it, he slams it with his head... Goal! I think that all went a little too quickly for al-Jibai. He jumped to intercept, but it's in... and Chakra opens the score!"


79th minute:
Yves: "Quinez intercepts that attack, passes back to Leschamps... Uh, oh, miscommunication here; he was moving in, and the ball comes in behind him! Chakra has it again, a quick pass forward, players of both teams rushing to... A quickswing on a rebound, and goal! Magnificent goal for Chakra as al-Jibai moves out too much to intercept! 2-0!"


92nd minute:
Yves: "It's over! And a surprising, disappointing end to the match... with Ariddia beaten by Chakra... and failing to score a single goal!"

I am Faan Atik and welcome to the One Red Dot Sports Update.

This evening, we will be brodcasting this show live from our studio as we follow One Red Dot's journey into the world cup after topping the table hands down in the qualifying. Right now, we are awaiting the news from Stan Inn who is at Lemmitania National Stadium.

Fistly, a brief introduction of Group D in WC6.

Tanah Burung

This team has been the top achievers in the past and is recognised throughout the world. So far, we have played against them once in the previous WC5 where we lost to them 0-2. They have the highest chance of going on to the next round.

Lunatic Goofballs

This team is quite pronounced in the World Cup scene but at this point, we do not have much information about them. However, being one of the top 16, we believe they have a chance of going into the Round of 16.

Copiosa Scotia

This team has sprang as a surprise, surpassing TnUI in the Group 5 Qualifying group. In fact, their outstanding performance doesn't show that they were the lowest seeded team in the group. They.....wait, hold on. I am receiving some news, live from the stadium.

Stan Inn: Can you bloody put me through!! Huh, what. Oh, okay. I am Lemmitania National Stadium where the final minute is about to go. The score aginst Lunatic Goofballs is presently at a 1-1 tie. There is only 30 seconds left, but both team are earnestly trying to secure a win.

20 seconds and Goofballs has the ball. They move through centre field and yes, yes, he is going to tackle. Oh noooo, he passed behind to his own player. What's this? We intercepted them. We have the ball now and time is at...oh no...time is running out. The crowd is counting down and you can hear them very clearly.

"8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1" Fweeeeep. The referee has blown the whistle and the game ends in a tie. it's 1-1 people. Back to you at the studio.

FA: My goodness, what a pity. The game has ended with a 1-1 tie against Lunatic Goofballs. I am Fann Atik and this has been the One Red Dot Sports Update, Live from Red Dot Brodcasting Studios in Dottian Capital Territory, One Red Dot.

Copiosa Scotia

...surpassing TnUI in the Group 5 Qualifying group.

OOC: I wasn't in Group 5 :P

Halfarsedstates 3 Errinundera 1

http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/sauer/angry-smiley-010.gif

[code:1:70b258c79a]Halfarsedstates 1 0 0 3 1 +2 3
Akbarland 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
Europa Brittania 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
Errinundera 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0[/code:1:70b258c79a]

:evil:

Mind you, there is a sort of warped elegance about it: 3 teams scored 3 goals and 1 team scored 1 goal. I guess I should be grateful there's only 4 teams to a group.

News item in the Kanooka Creek People's Daily:

http://english.peopledaily.com.cn/images/top-logo.gif

HOW DEPA HOLE CAN YOU DIG FOR YOURSELF?

National team loses 3-1 after drug party

The national football side continued a fine Errinundrian tradition of not taking things too seriously when they indulged in a depa gas rave until the early hours of the morning prior to their first World Cup 6 match against the lower rated Halfarsedstates side. With bleary eyes and croaking throats they fronted an enthusiastic opponent who blew them away.

Our source within the team's entourage says that all bar 2 or 3 players attended the treetop festival. It wasn't difficult to tell which players stayed on the wagon: moschatuma, snapier and horstrac tried their best in a somewhat wobbly side. sandrab was unapologetic: "Hey, Lemmitania is a nifty place after some of the holes we've had to endure, such as Quohog. And the Lemmitanian discovery of the combined effects of depa, nitrous oxide and helium is out of this world."

Star goalkeeper and coach, fionar, was apoplectic. "I give regnanse the opportunity to guard the goal in the first World Cup match and he goes out there totally wacked. antarcticad has the chance to show the world he is the most exciting striker in the game and he spends the match trying to stick his finger up the referee's nose. If I could sack them all I would."

http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1031115911434_2002/09/05/6spt_afl.jpg

Errinundera's only goal was scored by the evergreen, stylish local star, our own moschatuma (pictured above). His effort against the Halfarsedstates team and some of his teammates was typical of his skilful and courageous approach to the game. Miraculously dodging the lunging efforts of friend and foe alike, he skipped around the opposing goalie to bring some joy to otherwise discouraged fans. He expressed disappointment at the outcome of the game. "We really didn't take this game seriously enough. It's been a very long season for many of the players and after almost not qualifying I suppose the guys thought, 'hey we've made it, we can relax now.' It's not like that. With each hurdle you leap the tempo steps up. Yes, we're a young side but if we want to make that extra step into the top 16 we must be absolutely focussed."

Our source at the scene of the rave says that the mixture of the psychotropic drug with the two gases produces some odd results. "To start with, the gases seem to negate the dangerous stomach-digesting aspects of the drug. They also loosen up the throat muscles so that the imbiber can speak at the same hyper-rate the brain is going at. Mind you the helium makes everyone talk in a very squeaky voice so it's like listening to speech speeded up 60 times. On top of this the nitrous oxide gets everyone giggling. Watching these guys doing this stuff is the most hilarious thing you've ever seen."

In order to feel at home, the team had been sleeping in hammock tents suspended from the mighty Mongongohelongo tree in Limmsburgh, the site of Errinundera's group matches. Team gopher, princec, noted that, "You could fit a small community of Errinundrians - say, 10,000 of them - in this one tree." fionar has already ordered the team to take down the tents and has booked rooms for them in a seedy downtown motel. "I need to toughen their attitude," she said.

We suspect that team gopher, princec, is not only speaking for the team but perhaps the whole of our nation when he opined, "The important thing is that we might get to meet Mel, Clem and Gil."

Hello and welcome to 'Game of the Day' with your hosts Gary Luniker and Alun Hansun.

GL: Well Alun, what a day this has been for Halfassedstates :wink:

AH: Yes Gary a great day. Our 1st ever game in the World Cup itself against the well known side from Errinundera.

GL: The Errinunderans came throught the tough Group 1 in qualifing and then had to make it through the sudden death 3rd place qualfing thing.

AH: Yes. It took a while to sort that one out, but the Errinundera team deserve to be here.

GL: We can go to the highlights now, ........ *1st half highlights*

AH: Well Gary, I'm glad the team was so up for this game, a great start for Halfassed, with Wallace continuing his scoring streak.

GL: It was a lovley through ball by Lee King that set Wallace clear and a calm nutmeg of the keeper opened the scoring after only 8 mins.

AH: And it just got better with McDonald hammering home the header after 26 mins. A training ground move from the corner kick.

GL: Yes, but goal of the half has to go to moschatuma.

AH: Simply a brilliant goal. Picking up possesion just inside his own half, he rounded Ree King with ease. A quick 1-2 with longipesp took out McDonald and Gibson, leaving moschatuma time to pick his spot and place the ball beyond Malcolm's reach into the top corner.

GL: sublime :) tho I'm not completely sure if the 1-2 was dilberate as longipesp seemed to me to be trying to tackle moschatuma!

AH: nah -they'd have to be stoned or something to do that!

Half-time 2-1 then - surely that bodes well for Halfassed, we always play better in the second half.
*2nd half highlights*

GL: What a result - Halfassed win 3-1, what a game, what a 2nd half!

AH: A great result for the team, though i think that Sir James will realised that we were flattered by that score. Errinundera hit the woodwork twice before Ree King curled in a free-kick to extend the Halfassed lead.

GL: Also a blunder by the referree in missing the handball by Gibson!

AH: Yes, it was a stonewall penalty, and its difficult to see how the ref and his linesman missed the incident. I'm not sure it would have changed the result, but with only 5mins left it would have set-up a grandstand finish!

GL: Well the result has placed us top of the group after Europa Brittania's surprising 3-3 draw with Akbarland.

AH: Lets just hope tyhat we haven't used up all our luck already!!!

GL: Indeed. Well goodnight folks, til next time.....

what a day this has been for Halfassedstates :wink:

Hey, I'm not happy. OK.

no problem :!:
don't worry, theres always EB to beat :!:

*walks away and headbutts the wall after remembering what happened the last time he took the p1ss before playing a team(Audio 4 Halfassed 0) *

OOC: Must...RP...


did TnUI lose again??

Copiosa Scotia

...surpassing TnUI in the Group 5 Qualifying group.

OOC: I wasn't in Group 5 :P

OOC: It was Tanah Burung. TB & SN38 split 1st and 2nd for most of qualifying (TB had the edge). Towards the end of qualifying, Copiosa Scotia went from a somewhat distant 3rd to 1st, passing Tanah Burung (and the SN38 Hooligans) on the way, dropping TB into 2nd and SN38 into 3rd.

OOC: Must...RP...


did TnUI lose again??

We have NEVER lost!

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!

Total n Utter Insanity 0 Crosshill 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Altamira 4
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Jurassica 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Europa Brittania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Giant Zucchini 3
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Brazillico 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Quohog 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 1
:?:
*the following is announced in a slightly quavering bravado voice*

Total n Utter Insanity has yet to play the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans! We will be more than glad to show you what it means to lose when we meet on matchday three.
:wink:
---------------------------
Edit: Matchday vice gameday. Sometimes the Americanisms just creep in.

First-half action: Tanah Burung v Copiosa Scotia

The day dawned, crisp. Perfect weather for football. The city of Lemmington was hushed, anticipating the match. Following their early morning jog, the Crocodiles players gathered for a prayer session and ceremoniously burned a dollar sign, emblem of Copiosa Scotia.

"We respect the enemy," said coach Bi Kikere. "We shall eviscerate the enemy. We cannot afford to lose to Scotia again. There shall be no mistakes this time."

Starting with her usual 4-4-2 formation, Bi Kikere had clearly told the midfielders to rpess forward aggressively. Wim van Esterik, the first descendant of an old colonial family to play for the national team, had been selected for the midfield general role once filled by the lengendary Syahnun. And it was van Esterik whose playmaking set up Ab Francisco, the only man to play every Tanah Burung Cup match, for the opening goal in the 29th minute.

Normally, the Crocodiles like to sit on a lead and play territorial defence. At least, that was the way under the old coach. Bi Kikere did not pull the usual trick of substituting a fifth defender for a striker after scoring. In fact, her first substitution was to take off a defender and send in midfielder Daud Mustafa for a 3-5-2 formation. That paid dividends in first-half injury time as a long ball from Joao Santos eluded the Scotian keeper.

At the half, Tanah Burung led 2-0. The Crocodiles have a history of late-game collapses, however, and it was anyone's guess whether they could hold the lead. With news of a draw between Lunatic Goofballs and One Red Dot, a win in this match would place the victor in an enviable position atop the group.

DUM DUM DUMMMM

welcome to Channel One news

"blach blah blach, and now the sport!"

thankyou Fwedeweeko. Audioslavia have been comprehensibly defeated in their first match of World Cup 7. Earlier today they were trounced three - nothing by the experienced Spaam. Althought starting the stronger team, 2 goals in quick succesion by Spaam stunned the team, and they finished the first half in disarray. After a rollicking and 2 substitutions at half-time, Audioslavia came out strongly for the second half but were outplayed by the talented Spaam side, who furthered their lead on 60 minutes. Audioslavia's loss puts them bottom of the group, with Lemmitania's game being played tomorow. This is Jeremy Jaffacake, doing other stuff. ta-ra..

Standings for group A:

[code:1:98ff4aea14]
Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Squornshelous (5) 1 1 0 0 4 0 +4 3
Quohog (25) 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Oglethorpia (13) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
_AMP (100) 1 0 0 1 0 4 -4 0
[/code:1:98ff4aea14]

Next games:

Squornshelous-Quohog
Oglethorpia-_AMP

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!

Total n Utter Insanity 0 Crosshill 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Altamira 4
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Jurassica 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Europa Brittania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Giant Zucchini 3
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Brazillico 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Quohog 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 1


We never wrote that!

World Cup 6 - Match 1
TnUI vs The Menace (Malundar)
Little is known about t'Menace, apart from they like buying weapons, lots and lots of weapons. They have a pretty strong team, and managed an excellent record in qualifying, even though it is there first World Cup. We join the match in the second half, it's still 0-0.

[rest of post to come later]

World Cup 6 - Match 1
TnUI vs The Menace (Malundar)
Little is known about t'Menace, apart from they like buying weapons, lots and lots of weapons. They have a pretty strong team, and managed an excellent record in qualifying, even though it is there first World Cup. We join the match in the second half, it's still 0-0.

[rest of post to come later]

Ahhh... all the things one never knew about Malundar. It likes buying weapons, and they did decently in qualifying. I didn't know that. Did you know that? It is almost like I've been there now.

OOC: *slaps Quohog* :P

OOC: *slaps Quohog* :P

Do it again! And beat up or threaten all his players so I can win!

<OOC: Apologies. I haven't gotten my commentary done, and at the moment, I'm just too damn tired to finish it. I'll be TGing day 2 scores tomorrow AM (say, 2 pm GMT), giving anyone (like me) who hasn't finished their commentaries a few more hours to finish them.</OOC>

Match day 1 full results

Group A
Squornshelous 4 – _AMP 0
Oglethorpia 0 – Quohog 1

Group B
Total N Utter Insanity 2 – Malundar 1
Snub Nose 38 2 - The Belmore Family 1

Group C
Svecia 1 – Kingsford 0
Ironchefk 3 – Gesamtkuntswerk 2

Group D
Tanah Burung 2 - Copiosa Scotia 1
Lunatic Goofballs 1 -One Red Dot 1

Group E
Brazillico 3 – Dannland 1
Runaway Moose 1 - Dark Outcasts 2

Group F
Ariddia 0 – Chakra 2
Dennisov 1 – Bedistan 0

Group G
Europa Brittania 3 – Akbarland 3
Errinundera 1 – Halfassedstates 3

Group H
Lemmitania 2 – Cobra Cult 1
Spaam 3 – Audioslavia 0

OOC: *slaps Quohog* :P

Do it again! And beat up or threaten all his players so I can win!

Ow! That kinda hurt! Did it leave a bruise? No, but ow anyways.

Darn, no bruise! :P

Darn, no bruise! :P
Don't worry Squornshie, we'll be there to try to prevent you from sweeping the group. Oh wait, you wanted to sweep the group? Sorry then, but all the players seem to be fine.

Sweep would be nice, but I don't have to. As long as I win another game, I'm golden. If I beat you and lose to Ogly, I finish first, assuming ogly doesn't beat _AMP by more than 2 or 3.

Sweep would be nice, but I don't have to. As long as I win another game, I'm golden. If I beat you and lose to Ogly, I finish first, assuming ogly doesn't beat _AMP by more than 2 or 3.
Well, if I lose to you, but then beat _AMP, I'll also have two wins. So we would have a three way tie. Wouldn't our point differential make the difference then?

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!

Total n Utter Insanity 0 Crosshill 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Altamira 4
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Jurassica 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Europa Brittania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Giant Zucchini 3
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Brazillico 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Quohog 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 1


We never wrote that!
*It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.*

With the Crocodiles holding on for a 2-1 win, honour is satisfied and the shame of finishing second to Copiosa Scotia in qualifying is erased. The Crocodiles sit at the top of their group:

[code:1:9073a51792]
Group D W D L GF GA GD Pts
Tanah Burung 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
One Red Dot 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Lunatic Goofballs 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Copiosa Scotia 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
[/code:1:9073a51792]

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!

Total n Utter Insanity 0 Crosshill 1
Total n Utter Insanity 3 Altamira 4
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Jurassica 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Europa Brittania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Giant Zucchini 3
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Brazillico 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 2
Total n Utter Insanity 1 Quohog 2
Total n Utter Insanity 0 Mezitzia 1


We never wrote that!
*It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.*


Sorry...made a mistake...it was TB that was in Group 5, not TnUI. End argument.

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!
loads of TnUI defeats


We never wrote that!
*It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.*


Sorry...made a mistake...it was TB that was in Group 5, not TnUI. End argument.
hhhhmmmmmm - nah I just don't see it happening somehow!!

OOC: Must...RP...

did TnUI lose again??
We have NEVER lost!
loads of TnUI defeats


We never wrote that!
*It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.*


Sorry...made a mistake...it was TB that was in Group 5, not TnUI. End argument.
hhhhmmmmmm - nah I just don't see it happening somehow!!

i agree 8)

"We were rubbish," team captain Khan told the media after the match. "Our performance was catastrophic. We've trained long and hard, we're committed, and we can do much, much better than this. And we damn well will. Now we're going to start playing. We know we're not allowed to slip up."

Well I'm glad the actual world cup finally started. Svecia's run at another championship started well with a close 1-0 victory over Kingsford. An early 19th minute goal by Karl Goree was all that Svecia needed to get past a tough Kingsford team.

Due to the marriage of the Princess of Svecia this weekend, match reports for Svecian games may not be available. Starting next week somtime, they will probably be back.

Match day 2 results have been TGed. Will my match day 1 commentary ever be posted? No one knows. But seeing as I already wrote most of it, I s'pose it'll have to be, sooner or later. At least I don't have to worry about Audioslavia, I know he'll have it covered.

Speaking of which... TB, whenever it's convenient, if you wouldn't mind generating our score, we'd be much obliged. Thanks!

*it was a dark and stormy night. two mysterious and very wet figures slink along the sidewalk, avoiding the light thrown by the street lights. after a few blocks, they stop in front of a darkened building. they glance furtively about, then duck into the building. the scene switches to the interior. one figure turns on a flashlight ("torch" on the eastern side of the atlantic). the beam of light moves about the room. clearly, there is no one else here. the beam settles on a light switch on a nearby wall. a hand reaches into the beam and flips the switch. a 60 watt light bulb hanging from the ceiling comes on. we see that the two drenched figures are margaret, and the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. we realize we are in the "new" basement office of the minister.*
- I think we're safe now.
- You're sure they won, Margaret?
- They won. Now, wasn't there a fireplace in here somewhere?
- So...if they won...then I'm the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages again, right?
- At least until The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 gets another bug.
- Bug?
- You are so dense sometimes. Where is that fireplace?
- Upstairs, in my old office.
- Damn! Well, my burgundy robe and midnight blue hooded cape are in the closet over there. I'm goin' in the bathroom and change out of these wet clothes.
- What about me?
- Find something dry, and put it on.
*margaret grabs her robe and cape from the closet, and goes into the bathroom. the minister gropes around in the closet. he pulls out a couple of things. he holds up the back half of a horse costume. then he hold up a firemans uniform. then a red brocade tuxedo. and a yellow painters coverall. he steps into the closet and closes the door.*
- mumble glupmph meep mumble.
- What?
- mumble glupmph Hooligans mumble.
- Stop mumbling and speak up, man!
- WHO DO THE HOOLIGANS PLAY NEXT!?
*margaret steps out of the closet resplendent in her burgundy robe and midnight blue cape. she has her wet clothing in one hand, and a wet rubber chicken in the other. she drapes her clothing over the back of two chairs, and drops the rubber chicken on the card table.*
- They play Malundar next, then Total n Utter Insanity.
- Will they go through?
- Well, we don't know, do we? That's why they play the games.
*the minister steps out of the closet in the yellow coverall. he looks...well, he just looks ridiculous.*
- ...What are their chances?
- TnUI won their game with Malundar, so TnUI and the Hooligans both have 3 points and Malundar and The Belmore Family both have no points. With two games left, if the Hooligans win either game or tie both, they'll probably go through. If they win one and tie the other, they definitely go through.
- So, it looks good?
- Well, I'd say yes, but...we are talking about the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, and it is football. Anything can happen.
- Don't say that! I couldn't stand to go back to the desert.
- Oh, shut up and have a beer.

Match day 2 results have been TGed. Will my match day 1 commentary ever be posted? No one knows. But seeing as I already wrote most of it, I s'pose it'll have to be, sooner or later. At least I don't have to worry about Audioslavia, I know he'll have it covered.

Speaking of which... TB, whenever it's convenient, if you wouldn't mind generating our score, we'd be much obliged. Thanks!
The world INSISTS on our right to hear the Lemmitanian Commentators!!

Match day 2 results have been TGed. Will my match day 1 commentary ever be posted? No one knows. But seeing as I already wrote most of it, I s'pose it'll have to be, sooner or later. At least I don't have to worry about Audioslavia, I know he'll have it covered.

Speaking of which... TB, whenever it's convenient, if you wouldn't mind generating our score, we'd be much obliged. Thanks!
The world INSISTS on our right to hear the Lemmitanian Commentators!!
hear hear :lol:

HSMG News at 9 ........
........
and in sport, today was matchday 2 in WC6. Halfassedstates, fresh from their opening day victory over Errinundera, took on the highly rated Europa Brittania side at the Three Trees Stadium in Lemmitania.
Match highlights will be coming up later this evening, so if you don't want to know the result look away now.....

Europa Brittania 1 - Halfassedstates 2

That all in sport to-day, over to Mary for the weather .......

DUM DUM DUMMM!!!

*cut to a black screen with sound effects of tables being thrown and windows smashed*

"FOR THE LAST TIME, GET OUT"

"YOU AUGHTA WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE MATE!"

"AT LEAST WE SPEAK A LANGUAGE IN AUDIOSLAVIA!"

"WELL YOU 'AINT THERE NOW ARE YA? YOU WANNA PROTECT YOUR KNEES NEXT TIME YOU GO DOWN AN' ALLEY!"

"WE DONT EVEN HAVE ALLEYS IN AUDIOSLAVIA, WE ARENT A COUNTRY FULL OF SHANTIES AND SLUMS!"

*door opens, light turns on showing the plush blue Audioslavian commentary box*

"What the HELL is going on here? Gil? what are you doing in the 'slavian commentary box?"

Gil: Mel! will you tell this geezer 'ere that THAT IS MY CRATE OF ORANGE JUICE

Mel: Gil, you dont drink orange juice

Gil: 'ow do you know that? its my FAVORITE drink! just ask my mate Zacko

Mel: Zacko?

Gil: he's a rapper, Mel

Jeremy: dudes, people, were like, on air on Channel One right now...

Gil: Channel One? the wildlife channel?

Jeremy: wha? no, like, Channel One in Audioslavia.... hey guards do you wanna lead Bob out of the room? i think he's gonna kill that little guy with the weird British accent

Gil: you what?

Jeremy: Nevermind, could you like, get out? or keep quiet? were trying to broadcast here.

Gil: thats fine by me, i'll just sit here drinking my OJ

Bob: THATS MY FUCKING OJ YOU SWINE!!

Gil: oi! dont you go raisin' your voice at me!

Jeremy: raisin? where? ive got like, the munchies SO bad dude

Mel: the angry skinny 'slave is right Gil, it IS his Orange Juice, well im certain it isnt yours anyway

Gil: and 'ow do you know that? i like orange juice, it helps cure knee-joint-breakdown, like the Zacko song

Mel: Gil, by any chance are you refering to one "Zack De La Rocha"?

Gil: yeah, that Zacko song, thats wot i said

Mel: Za..

Gil: Can i get a Joint?
Can i get a joint?
tell me wats the point
cos i wanna BREAK-DOWN!

Jeremy: hey cool its that Cypress Hill/Zach De La Rocha song, "Joint Explosion"

Mel: Gil, are you sure that song is about Knee-Joint-Breakdown? its not about.. you know.. marijuana?

Gil: Its about both, its ambidextrous Mel

Mel: you mean ambiguous

Gil: wot? no Mel it doesnt have any arms

Mel: Gil you got them mi...

Gil: anyways its all legal 'ere Mel, maroowaaana

Mel: no it isnt, were in public

Gil: nah were in a room, no one can see you, light up Mel

Mel: ITS BEING BROADCAST TO THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF AUDIOSLAVIA, WE ARE IN PUBLIC, BECAUSE OVER ONE AND A QUARTER BILLION PEOPLE CAN SEE US

Gil: they must think your a tit mate, anyway its all legal in Audioslavia, ses so 'ere it does.

Mel: i am NOT a tit Gil, YOU make me look like a tit, in any case, why does its legality in Audioslavia make it legal here? were in Lemmitania

Gil: its like, wotsit, the Audioslavian embassy in Lemmington. Inside that embassy its Audioslavian law

Mel: its nothing like the embassy Gil.. hey who are you

Guard: dude im a guard, ive gotta like, kick you out of this room now cos these two people need to commentate on the game

Gil: this is my commentary box, im Dean of Lemmitanian Sports dont you know?

Jeremy: Really? cool, Bob maybe you should give him your orange juice after all, hey quit toking on air

Bob: wha? no he can have the oj, it looks too much like jesus right now

Gil: dont you go lumberin Jesus on people, give us that oj 'ere

Mel: Gil? were going now, we have our own commentary box, remember?

Gil: nah im stayin' 'ere Mel, the view of the pitch is better

Mel: no, its worse, theres a bicycle blocking the view of one of the goals

Gil: exactly, the less i see, the more i can blame you

Jeremy: dude its cool, we'll move next door to yours

Mel: no, its ok dont worry, i'll drag my friend out

Gil: you can leave me alone Mel!

Bob: hey look after the oj man, it has like, wings

Jeremy: come on bob, the drinks dont fly in the Lemmitanian box

Bob: i want to go.. to.. the.. blue room... <----(anyone guessing the film reference gets a free Audioslavian football shirt :D)

Jeremy: its ok, they have a green room y'know dude

*door closes, much skuffling is heard from the new members of the Audioslavian commentary booth.

*cut to Lemmitania - Audioslavia match, over 20 minutes have been played and the score remains 0-0.

[Half-time]

Commentator:...and even if it was a panda, he shoiuldnt have picked a fight with Richmond like that, back to you in the studio Jeremy..

*camera cuts to a shabby, small room, with torn up red carpet and half-mutilated headphones littered everywhere*

Jeremy: dude, were back, and were winning!

Bob: one fuhken nil! harsh!

Jeremy: tell everyone about the goal dude!

Bob: it was like, a minute ago, you tell it

Jeremy: fine, well there was a cross from that guy, and the quantum guy went up for the header and missed it, and Mayfair came in from the other side, beat the other quantumdude to the ball and buried it, were gonna beat the Lemmings dude!

Bob: theres 2 guys called Quantum?

Jeremy: nah theres like 5, there all numbered on this team-sheet. it has a weird word on top of it

Bob: what word?

Jeremy: "Roster"

Bob: Roster? what in the fuck is a roster?

Jeremy: fuck knows, its Lemmitanian isnt it?

Bob: of course.

Jeremy: we'll be back after these short messages

Holy freakin' cow! I bow to the master. LMFAO!!!

Oglethorpian WC Team Rebounds With Win Against _AMP

After a loss to a powerful-Quohog team 1 zip, the Oglethorpian team came back in it's trust 4 - 4 - 2 formation and scored 4 goals against _AMP, holding them to nothing. "We know that _AMP hasn't exactly secured there spot in world cup soccer yet, but it's still a great moral boost," team captain Phillip Bjorn stated. "We need to carry some momentum over into the game against Squornshelous," star-striker Alfonzo Clay said, bringing up 1 goal in the game against _AMP.

"It's going to be a tough match, and it's really unfortunate that our World Cup bid may come down to our preformance in that match," coach Adam Wyneberg mentioned. "I'm just going to try to get the guys as ready as they can for a tough game."

"...and that is why scientists say that you would be a better person if you turned over anyone you know that you suspect is involved in an active way in subversion against the government, even if it is a loved one. But enough of the news, lets head over to Lemmi... Limma... well, whatever country is hosting the World Cup 6 for Quohog's second match!"

Quin: And here we are getting ready for the second match. I am Quin Zheng, and I'm joined in the top box by Walter Newbury, the only national football player I could get on such short notice. Some of you might remember him for his fiascos in World Cups 3 and 5 and the qualifications in World Cup 4 which prevented the team from advancing.

Newbury: Now see here, that is not really fair...

Quin: Shut up until spoken too, idiot.

Newbury: I think that if we are to have a conducive relationship here in the announcing box, you are going to have to respec...

Quin: And I see that the players have started to take the field. I must say that I'm impressed with this young team. Head Coach Silko has done a marvel. Of course, she always had leeway on who was on and what happened in her defense, but not even I suspected that she would be as good of a coach as she's turned out to be.

Newbury: However, don't count your chickens before they hatch or your roosters before they are written. Quohog is up against a very talented Squournshelous team. They dismantled _AMP 4-0 in the first match, and they are looking for a sweep.

Quin: That they might be, but don't underestimate this Quohog team. They should, in my opinion, be ranked much higher than the 25th they are now.

Newbury: Well, I think that they are going to lose. I hate them and I hate Quohog. Everyone turned their back on me and spit abuse at me when I struggled a bit, but did...

Quin: Anyways, the game has started with Quohog in possession of the ball. Just look at how well that team functions together. I think that the big difference in this team that I see is how much more offensive-minded it is. While the defense is still top notch, the team is definately better at attacking then it used to be. A large part of that has to do with the retirement of Lauren Silko, and Brannick becoming the captain. Just like Silko, Brannick is a defender, but she is more offensively-minded, and has dragged the team with her. I'll tell you something else, this team is better around the field than the old teams used to. I personally think this team will rival, at least in skill, our team which took 3rd in World Cup 1.

Newbury: Thanks for that interesting analysis. If you were listening to it, you might have missed out on the fact that Squornshelous had a corner kick opportunity, but that goalie Victor Philibert managed to get his hands on it.

Quin: That he did. Now Quohog is on the offensive, Mysh to Sawyes, to Gamble! To Nemea, up to Armant... who gets surrounded and loses possession. Anyways, while we have always had fairly good strikers, I think that the Masseret/Armant pair might be able to be considered the best, given a little more time together. Me and Dahl were great, as was the pairing of me and Taga, but these two youngsters might have just that little bit extra.

Newbury: Fascinating. Squornshelous begins another attack, they'll probably get a goal. I bet it's 5-0 Squornshelous by halftime.

Quin: Unlikely, as Timbu steal the ball and Quohog regains possession. I think that we'll be able to take it to Squornshie! From what I've seen so far, I think that we might be able to win the game and take the group!

Newbury: Ha! And the name is Squornshelous. They are the fifth-ranked team in the world, and much better than Quohog, so show some respect.

Quin: I do respect them, but that doesn't mean that Quohog isn't the better team today.

Newbury: You know, it is this mindless arrogance that I see in you which makes me hate Quohog so much. Do you even think at all? Can you? Or are you so brainwashed that you cannot realize that Quohog is outmatched?

Quin: And who is brainwashed now? We've managed to go through a number of teams ranked higher than us in qualifications...

Newbury: Oh, you mean Errinundera and TnUI? In case you cannot remember, they beat Quohog in the second two games, showing that Quohog simply got lucky in the earlier games.

Quin: How can you not realize that this is a very talented team that we have? They do have the ability to go the distance. You are just bitter because everyone in the country knows how much damage you did to the team. I don't know why Coach Generis ever kept you on the team after World Cup 3. And it is definitely beyoond me why the old man kept you after you doomed our World Cup 4 chances. It is easy to see why Silko got rid of you when she came in. After all, you destroyed her chances of winning her last cup as a player.

Newbury: That isn't true! The media was always down on me for a few mistakes! Everyone hated me! It wasn't my fault.

Quin: And as I watch Sawyes, I realize how much better the team is with someone competent in the position. I swear, there were times when Aeschylus almost had a heart-attack watching you play in his position. Even crippled, he probably could have done a better job than yo.

Newbury: Take that back! You no-good, black-hearted... What is it?

Quin: I've just been informed that a goal was scored.

Newbury: What! Which side? I bet it was Squornshelous.

Quin: You would be wrong once again! In case you haven't noticed, that is the Quohog chant going on out there! We've gotten the first goal of the match, in the, lets see... 34th minute! And Quohog is on top of Squornshie 1-0, with more to follow I'm sure.

Newbury: Ha! Quohog just surprised them. Just wait, I hold to my prediction that it will be 5-1 Squornshelous at the half.

Quin: Yeah right! I bet you we'll be in front by four at that point!

Newbury: No Quohog won't. Squornshelous is just too good...

Halftime: Quohog 1-0 Squornshelous

OOC: And the second half to come later.

<OOC>Okay, it looks like it timed out before this post went through. Hopefully this won't double-post. Here, on time delay, is the pregame for match day 1. Match highlights to follow later? Hopefully...</OOC>



Live from Lemco City, this is Mel Flanders for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, first-round World Cup action featuring your Lemmitania Lemmings taking on the mysterious Cobra Cult. We’re back on home turf after an aborted trip to Kingsford, where the entire Cup was originally slated to be played-- that’s what the entire world is talking about, and here to have their say on the matter are your commentators for tonight’s match, Clem Gilson and Gil Lemson. Gentlemen--

Gil: Ahem. Ahhhhem!

Clem: Got a goober in your throat?

Gil: No, somebody forgot to introduce me by my right ti’le.

Mel: Oh, fine. The Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Gil Lemson.

Gil: Nicely done, Mel.

Mel: Shut up, you.

Gil: Oh yeh?

Clem: So how ‘bout that Kingsford? Just basically shut down their borders and killed all their broadcasts. It’s like the whole country up and disappeared.

Gil: There’s theories about that.

Mel: Let’s not hear your theories.

Gil: Wull then let’s not ‘ear yours either.

Clem: I heard that the entire government was invited on a speaking tour of some foreign nation, and they went for it, forgetting they were slated to host the Cup.

Gil: I ‘eard the entire government was eaten by spiders.

Mel: That’s stupid.

Gil: Wull, as the only one in this booth wot’s been to the region, I’d say I’m the nearest thing we ‘ave to an expert as regards ‘ow big they grow the spiders in FIFA.

Clem: How big do they grow the spiders?

Gil: ‘bout like this.

Clem: Holy cow! No they don’t.

Gil: The ‘ell they don’t. I’ve seen ‘em runnin’ around with babies and dogs an’ cows an’ things in their pinchers.

Clem: Cows? How can a two-foot-long spider run around with a cow in its pinchers?

Mel: Spiders don’t have pinchers. They have jaws.

Gil: Jaws, pinchers, same difference if you’re bein’ torn asunder by ‘em. An’ to answer your question, Clem, if a spider the size of a man can lift a bus over ‘is ‘ead, then a spider two feet long can easily lift a cow.

Clem: I don’t think the spiders get that big in FIFA. Then they’d be the spider region instead of the football region.

Gil: From wot I’ve seen, a football region they ain’t.

Clem: I don’t think you can go by Gilmeecia.

Mel: The government of Kingsford was not eaten by spiders.

Gil: Then where are they?

Clem: On a speaking tour.

Mel: I think they’re just holed up.

Clem: On the lam, huh? Could be.

Mel: Whatever’s going on over there, it’s really thrown a wrench into the works.

Gil: Wot’s a wrench?

Clem: It’s like a spanner.

Gil: Is that a kind of monkey?

Mel: It’s a wrench.

Gil: Wot’s it for?

Clem: Gripping.

Mel: And wrenching.

Gil: Like a monkey?

Mel: Why would a monkey grip and wrench?

Clem: What would a monkey grip and wrench?

Gil: When you say ‘wrench’ wot exactly do you mean?

Clem: Like what you’d do with a spanner.

Gil: A spanner being a monkey?

Mel: A spanner being a wrench.

Gil: A spanner monkey?

Clem: That’d be a monkey wrench. And no.

Mel: Huh?

Gil: ‘e’s trying unsuccessfully to explain wot a spanner monkey is, Mel.

Clem: A wrench, also known as a spanner, is a tool you use to loosen nuts.

Gil: So we’ve got some nuts on the loose now, do we?

Mel: There have been nuts on the loose since long before I got here.

Gil: That ain’t a nice way to speak about dear, departed Shemp.

Mel: I wasn’t talking about Shemp, I was talking about you. And Shemp isn’t departed.

Gil: I didn’t say deported, Mel, I said departed.

Mel: I heard you. I said departed, too.

Gil: Oh, I thought you said Shemp ‘asn’t been deported.

Mel: Why would I have said that?

Gil: Why would you ‘ave said the other one?

Mel: Because Shemp isn’t dead!

Clem: Shemp lives! Heh, heh. That’d make a good rallying cry.

Gil: It would, too, if ‘e was a rebel leader or somethin’. But let’s get back to these poor wretched spanner monkeys ‘oo ‘ave the grippe. Coughin’ their furry little lungs out, are they?

Clem: They really are. They sound terrible.

Gil: The grippe is a nasty one. You cough a sort of rattle-y bark-y cough. Like a seal.

Clem: Or some might say, a dog.

Gil: Why a dog?

Clem: That’s just what some people associate with barking.

Gil: Oh. Interesting.

Mel: Not especially. Does anybody have anything intelligent to say about the Kingsford situation?

Gil: I’d say we’ve discussed the ‘ell out of that subject, Mel.

Mel: And I’d say we’ve barely touched on it.

Gil: We’ve been in the booth fifteen minutes. If we ‘aven’t been talking about Kingsford, wot the ‘eck ‘ave we been discussing?

Mel: If you haven’t been listening, I’m sure not going to be the one to fill you in. So the Cup moves to Lemmitania. The big question in the national press: Is this going to help or hurt our bid to host World Cup 7?

Gil: ‘elp.

Clem: Hurt.

Mel: I’d be inclined to side with Clem on this.

Gil: You two are both crazy. Once people see wot a lovely country we ‘ave, they’ll never want to leave. Most of the teams’ll spend the next four years in Lemmitania, just waitin’ for the Cup to come ‘round again.

Clem: That would make more sense if World Cup 6 was taking place here.

Gil: Oh, I didn’t realize no one ‘ad told you, Clem. We’re ‘ere today to call a World Cup game.

Clem: The group stage is being held here. But the next roud is expected to move back to Kingsford.

Gil: Land of the Spiders.

Mel: I’m not sure if that’s going to happen, Clem. They way things have been going...

Clem: Of course it’ll happen. When the government of Kingsford gets back from their speaking tour and sees the giant pile of foreign press releases on their doorstep asking what the hell’s going on, they’ll throw their borders open and we’ll all rush in for a orgy of good-time footballing. It’ll be great. Like make-up sex.

Mel: Ugh.

Gil: Sounds downright weird, Clem.

Clem: Okay, so that wasn’t a great metaphor. But my point was that I have confidence that the gov’t of Kingsford is going to make it up to the world by hosting a great run to the cup.

Gil: ‘oo’s going to win?

Clem: What kind of a question is that?

Gil: You just sounded like you knew.

Clem: I sounded like I knew who’s going to win the World Cup.

Gil: Affirmative.

Clem: Sometimes you make very litte sense. Then other times, you make no sense at all.

Gil: Which time is this?

Clem: The latter.

Gil: So that made less sense than the spanner monkey discussion?

Clem: No, that one was the latter too.

Gil: So when do I make a little sense?

Clem: Right now. Now you’re making a little sense.

Gil: But not too much?

Clem: God forbid.

Mel: We’ll return after some important messages.

Lemm, you're insane.

That's probably why it's so funny.

Especially the rare dire-FIFA spider.

OOC: now, the second half :) p.s. cheers Lem, but i couldnt do it without the characters you made up :p

IC:

Jeremy: welcome back to Lemmitania, where Audioslavia and Lemmitania are battling it out in match 2 of World Cup Six.

Bob: were 1-0 up!

Jeremy: the stoners right dude, we went ahead a few minutes before the break with a bullet volley from Mayfair. Other than the scoreline tho the games pretty even. Lets go back to the action with our commentators Bill and Ben.

Bill: weve just kicked off the second half

Ben: or "the duo-quarter of two" as the Lemmitanians and Brazilicans of this world probably call it, heh

Bill: this studio is icky, theres lemming poo everywhere

Ben: dude that aint poo

Bill: well its lemming somehing

Ben: well thats right in a way...

Bill: how?

Ben: well ages ago, this part of lemmitania was just rock, at the bottom of a cliff

Bill: ummm..ok

Ben: well how do you get soil? Rock doesnt turn into soil so easily, you need some form of fertiliser...

Bill: ummm.;.. ok

Ben: and this used to be the bottom of a cliff.... in the land of the lemmings...

Bill: dude.;....ew... so this stadium is...

Ben: built on lemmings. By lemmings.

Bill: Gross :/

Ben: either way, Lemmitania have started the second half better off, they have a corner

Bill: taken by Quantum 4, over to Quantum 2.,.. why isnt there a Quantum 1?

Ben: he retired

Bill: ah..... FUCK theyvee scored :/

Ben: godammit, not even 3minutes into the second half its 1-1 :/

Bill: so what if it stays this way?

Ben: we go to one point, lemmitania go to four points, and if Spaam win that means we need to thrash Cobra Cult and hope that Spaam beat the Lemmings. Otherwise were out

Bill: shit dude :/ theyre still attacking WILL YOU GUYS FUCK OFF, THIS ISNT DOING AUD's WORLD CUP BID ANY GOOD

Ben: umm.. Bill

Bill: yes i know i just realised :/ well i hope ONE of us gets through

Ben: thats the spirit!

Bill: and i hope TnUI get buttraped!

Ben: noooo, you liiiikkee TnUI, they are our fffriirrennddssss

Bill: wtf? no way theyre a bunch of sarcy twat.... oh yes, i see....

Ben: see? we have to be nice to everyone so we can take money off them through merchandising etc :)

Bill: so like, no ripping the piss out of anyone?

Ben: no

Bill: not even TnUI?

Ben: not EVEN TnUI, ESPECIALLY not TnUI

Bill: what about Pure Evil?

Ben: well you can go ahead with him, who the fuck cares :)

Bill: woohoo!

[cop out] *not a lot happens for the next 40 minutes*
[/cop out]

Bill: with even more pandas than before... back to you in the studio Jeremy

Jeremy: cheers, well the games ended 1-1, and im hungry and Bob wants his orange juice back, oh yeah, and Audioslavia are pretty much fucked, ciao bitches

OOC: sorry about the brevity, im tired and ive gotta go get my A Level results 2mora :/ wish me luck bitches :P

Lemm, you're insane.

That's probably why it's so funny.

Especially the rare dire-FIFA spider.
From the pages of today's Scuttlebutt:

It was learned today that The Academy of Sciences of Snub Nose 38 was instrumental in the implementation of the travel ban to all nations in the FIFA Region. The Ministry of the Interior and Exterior imposed a moratorium on Visa's to any nation in the FIFA Region early this morning.

All citizens of Snub Nose 38 are forbidden from traveling to the FIFA Region, either directly or indirectly. Additionally, any conveyance of any kind arriving at the border of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 from the FIFA Region will be subjected to a stem-to-stern search (especially ships). Contraband cargo or "passengers" will be seized at the border.

This is all a result of the discovery by the Academy of Sciences that the mythical dire-FIFA spider is not mythical at all, merely rare. The Snub Nose 38 Government is not about to have spiders two or more feet in diameter just running about in here, hither and thither, causing no end of turmoil. The Snub Nose 38 Government is of the opinion that we can cause enough turmoil on our own.

There is a rumor that the existance of the dire-FIFA spider is itself a rumor started by a sports broadcast by the Lemmitanian Radio Network. This reporter finds that thought absurd. No credentialled journalist would be moronic enough to mention something of this sort on the air if it had not been confirmed before air time.

The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages issued a statement indicating that the discovery of this large arachnid may have a negative effect on the selection of any FIFA Region nation as host or co-host of the NS WCC World Cup of Football.

8)
------------------------------
We are sorry to report that another editorial research staff has been executed. It is inexcusable (hence the executions, of course) that the above news report was allowed to be published in the earlier additions of todays Scuttlebutt including information that a spider is an arthropod. The later editions were edited to correctly identify spiders as arachnids (they are really creepy, and bother me, in any case). In a related story, Snub Nose 38 Journalism Colleges report a marked decrease in student enrollment in Editorial Research. A committee has been formed and charged with finding out what might be causing this.

The Oglethorpian Enquirer
Scientist discovers rare dire-FIFA spider!

By William Layman

An Oglethorpian scientist reported he had discovered the rare dire-FIFA spider, supposedly 2 to 3 feet in diameter and prehistoric looking. The scientist, Andy Sprague reported the find after searching in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia and is "arranging for a live sample to be put on display somewhere." We here at the Enquirer are proud to bring you this story, probably because no one else was smart enough to print it.

OOC: Snub, if you say anything against me hosting WC 7 or 8, heads will roll :wink:

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.

President Louis Gilsterson: All right, settle down, settle down. Now, there's a lot on the agenda tonight, what with the whole "International Piercing Tournament" fiasco, the zombies, the Stadium deidcation, and everything. I know you're all very concerned about whichever of those things you care about, so I don't want to give the appearance of giving any of 'em short shrift. However, one item on today's agenda looms, well, bigger than the rest.

People, I absolutely assure you that Gilmeecia is not being overrun by dire-FIFA spiders. Point number one: I have not personally, nor have any of my staff, or anybody I've called and asked, seen one of these gigantic spiders. Number two: the police have not reported arresting anyone for being a three-foot long spider. Point number three: I had Ned call the governments of all the other nations in the region, and not one of 'em admitted to being overrun by dire-FIFA spiders. Except Kingsford. Nobody answered in Kingsford. Which leads us to point number three: Kingsford is the only nation in FIFA known to have been overrun by these "malignant arachnids." Huh? What, Ned?

Foreign Minster Ned Itchlesby: You raised point three twice, Lou.

Pres: What are you talking about?

FM: You used point number three twice. One of 'em should've been point number four.

Pres: And you interrupted me to tell me that? I swear, Ned, you're the only person in Gilmeecia counting how many points I've raised. For crying out freaking loud. Yes, Gillian?

GG: Sir, what would be the signs of a dire-FIFA spider infestation, if one were to occur?

Pres: You know, just because Ned asked me a question doesn't mean the question-and-answer period's started yet. You people, I swear. You give me such a pain. Okay, look, I'm going to answer Gillian's question, and then no more questions! Got it? Okay, Gillian, the signs of a dire-FIFA spider, we are told would be: A, you would see gigantic spiders running around everywhere. B. Spiders would be eating your babies, dogs, and possibly cows. C. You'd probably see Ground Forces napalming the shit out of everything in sight. Okay? Now, what--? What is it now, Ned?

FM: We just got a report that foreign nations have begun closing their borders to Gilmeecian travellers and exports, sir.

Pres: Well, screw them! Nobody's supposed to leave Gilmeecia anyway. What the hell do they think the barbed-wire and the border patrols are for? And if we have exports, I'd like someone to clue me in as to what they are! All right, all these foreigners have pissed me off now, so this is the end of the press conference. I'm gonna have a beer. Geez!

Lemm/Gil, you've got a great sense of humor :D

The Oglethorpian Enquirer
Scientist discovers rare dire-FIFA spider!

By William Layman

An Oglethorpian scientist reported he had discovered the rare dire-FIFA spider, supposedly 2 to 3 feet in diameter and prehistoric looking. The scientist, Andy Sprague reported the find after searching in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia and is "arranging for a live sample to be put on display somewhere." We here at the Enquirer are proud to bring you this story, probably because no one else was smart enough to print it.

OOC: Snub, if you say anything against me hosting WC 7 or 8, heads will roll :wink:
Heads were seen to be rolling at the Snub Nose 38 Capital Building today, when the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages announced his opposition to the Oglethorpian bid to host World Cup 7. The Ministers opposition, we learned from his secretary (known only as Margaret), is based on the discovery by scientist Andy Sprague of a rare dire-FIFA spider in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia.
--------------------------------------
OOC: :wink:

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.
...a bunch of VERY funny stuff...
I'm gonna have a beer. Geez!
Absolutely LOL :lol:

The Oglethorpian Enquirer
Scientist discovers rare dire-FIFA spider!

By William Layman

An Oglethorpian scientist reported he had discovered the rare dire-FIFA spider, supposedly 2 to 3 feet in diameter and prehistoric looking. The scientist, Andy Sprague reported the find after searching in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia and is "arranging for a live sample to be put on display somewhere." We here at the Enquirer are proud to bring you this story, probably because no one else was smart enough to print it.

OOC: Snub, if you say anything against me hosting WC 7 or 8, heads will roll :wink:
Heads were seen to be rolling at the Snub Nose 38 Capital Building today, when the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages announced his opposition to the Oglethorpian bid to host World Cup 7. The Ministers opposition, we learned from his secretary (known only as Margaret), is based on the discovery in Oglethorpia by scientist Andy Sprague of a rare dire-FIFA spider in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia.

Oglethorpian Gov't Makes Negative Testimony Towards SN38

Oglethorpian government officials reported today that the Prime Minister had been arranging a statement regarding the nation Snub Nose 38, possibly against it's canidicy as a host of World Cup 7 or 8.

Prime Minister Bjorn read the updates as they came from Snub Nose 38. "Newell, get in here," he called. Foriegn Minister Gordon Newell entered the office. "Make sure no Snub Nose 38-ians get in the country."

"Sir, they've already imposed travel sanctions on us."

"Well, uh...GOOD."

"Seems to be something about the dire-FIFA spider. Some tabloid ran a story about it's discovery."

"They believed a tabloid?"

"Yeah."

"A tabloid?"

"Yeah."

OOC: I'll get around to the second half of the first match soon, then I'll get around to the second match and I'll probably have the third result by the time I do that so I'll do that too :lol:

hey SnubNose38, i realised a couple of hours ago that your country is named after a gun :D

i feel so clever

hey SnubNose38, i realised a couple of hours ago that your country is named after a gun :D

i feel so clever
Imagine how I feel knowing that's the only thing I could come up with. :wink:

hey SnubNose38, i realised a couple of hours ago that your country is named after a gun :D

i feel so clever

That's what separates you Brits from us Americans. For us, a snub nose 38 is a common household implment. Every schoolkid has one. But you, with your "oh, we don't like guns, even the police shouldn't have them" attitude and your "practically nonexistent handgun homicide rate" and, uh, yeah. Man, you don't come over to this side of the street or I'm gonna put a cap in your ass!!

hey SnubNose38, i realised a couple of hours ago that your country is named after a gun :D

i feel so clever

That's what separates you Brits from us Americans. For us, a snub nose 38 is a common household implment. Every schoolkid has one. But you, with your "oh, we don't like guns, even the police shouldn't have them" attitude and your "practically nonexistent handgun homicide rate" and, uh, yeah. Man, you don't come over to this side of the street or I'm gonna put a cap in your ass!!

Man, there's only one thing that sums up that entire post.

America, land of the free!

The Oglethorpian Enquirer
Scientist discovers rare dire-FIFA spider!

By William Layman

An Oglethorpian scientist reported he had discovered the rare dire-FIFA spider, supposedly 2 to 3 feet in diameter and prehistoric looking. The scientist, Andy Sprague reported the find after searching in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia and is "arranging for a live sample to be put on display somewhere." We here at the Enquirer are proud to bring you this story, probably because no one else was smart enough to print it.

OOC: Snub, if you say anything against me hosting WC 7 or 8, heads will roll :wink:
Heads were seen to be rolling at the Snub Nose 38 Capital Building today, when the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages announced his opposition to the Oglethorpian bid to host World Cup 7. The Ministers opposition, we learned from his secretary (known only as Margaret), is based on the discovery in Oglethorpia by scientist Andy Sprague of a rare dire-FIFA spider in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia.

Oglethorpian Gov't Makes Negative Testimony Towards SN38

Oglethorpian government officials reported today that the Prime Minister had been arranging a statement regarding the nation Snub Nose 38, possibly against it's canidicy as a host of World Cup 7 or 8.

Prime Minister Bjorn read the updates as they came from Snub Nose 38. "Newell, get in here," he called. Foriegn Minister Gordon Newell entered the office. "Make sure no Snub Nose 38-ians get in the country."

"Sir, they've already imposed travel sanctions on us."

"Well, uh...GOOD."

"Seems to be something about the dire-FIFA spider. Some tabloid ran a story about it's discovery."

"They believed a tabloid?"

"Yeah."

"A tabloid?"

"Yeah."
The Snub Nose 38 Minister of Misinformation and Card Tricks begs to remind Prime Minister Bjorn that, after all, our most prestigious newspaper is called "Scuttlebutt". What can you expect in such a case?

America, land of the free!

We so totally are. It's not even funny.









As long as you're not poor or black.

The Oglethorpian Enquirer
Scientist discovers rare dire-FIFA spider!

By William Layman

An Oglethorpian scientist reported he had discovered the rare dire-FIFA spider, supposedly 2 to 3 feet in diameter and prehistoric looking. The scientist, Andy Sprague reported the find after searching in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia and is "arranging for a live sample to be put on display somewhere." We here at the Enquirer are proud to bring you this story, probably because no one else was smart enough to print it.

OOC: Snub, if you say anything against me hosting WC 7 or 8, heads will roll :wink:
Heads were seen to be rolling at the Snub Nose 38 Capital Building today, when the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages announced his opposition to the Oglethorpian bid to host World Cup 7. The Ministers opposition, we learned from his secretary (known only as Margaret), is based on the discovery in Oglethorpia by scientist Andy Sprague of a rare dire-FIFA spider in the rainforests of southern Oglethorpia.

Oglethorpian Gov't Makes Negative Testimony Towards SN38

Oglethorpian government officials reported today that the Prime Minister had been arranging a statement regarding the nation Snub Nose 38, possibly against it's canidicy as a host of World Cup 7 or 8.

Prime Minister Bjorn read the updates as they came from Snub Nose 38. "Newell, get in here," he called. Foriegn Minister Gordon Newell entered the office. "Make sure no Snub Nose 38-ians get in the country."

"Sir, they've already imposed travel sanctions on us."

"Well, uh...GOOD."

"Seems to be something about the dire-FIFA spider. Some tabloid ran a story about it's discovery."

"They believed a tabloid?"

"Yeah."

"A tabloid?"

"Yeah."
The Snub Nose 38 Minister of Misinformation and Card Tricks begs to remind Prime Minister Bjorn that, after all, our most prestigious newspaper is called "Scuttlebutt". What can you expect in such a case?

OOC: Not familiar with the word.

Now I am.

America, land of the free!

We so totally are. It's not even funny.









As long as you're not poor or black.
Or in any other way have the effrontery to deviate from the "norm"

URK!! I remind myself - this thread is about football (soccer on the west of the Atlantic, east of the Pacific, south of Canada and North of Mexico)
*must - keep - even - remotely - serious - political - thoughts - out - of - head - while - in - this - thread*

(which, believe me, ain't too difficult) 8)