NationStates Jolt Archive

i dont have any time for this, if ya know it please tell

guess ya dont, well bye then

THAT IS THE F***IN military and munitions SITE

THAT IS THE F***IN military and munitions SITE

OCC:This is on the assumption that 3 teams go through from each group-
TBF qualifies
After their two one victory against Pure Evil The Belmore Family are 16 points ahead of the 4th placed team! With a maximum of 15 points being scored in the next matches we are definatly through!
I will be away from the 9th-19th, is there any chance of the results being e0mailed to me after the 9th?

OOC: Actually, even if only two teams were to go through from your group, you've still qualified. That's because the 2nd and 3rd place teams still have to play each other again and they can't both win that game. Therefore, there's no way you can drop below 2nd now.

*notes TBF can't add up*

Three in a Row

Yesterday's 3-1 win over The Midnight Armies at home marked the Bedistan Lions' third straight win.

It was the day of the midfielders, with both John Burks and team captain Gene Barber adding one to their career goal total and Tim King scoring his first in international play. Keeper Olivia Bream proved her worth once again by limiting the opposing team to one goal. In the last three games, the Lions have outscored their adversaries 10-1.

Thousands of screaming, cheering fans saw their team off early this morning at Columbia International Airport. The team must now face Runaway Moose again. That team is perched happily atop Group 6 with a 7-2-0 record. Not only have they not lost yet, Alces Rex thrashed our side 3-0 in their first matchup at Holmes Stadium.

"Oh, it won't be easy, you can bet your boots on that," says team coach Jim Parker. "But we've definitely got some momentum going, and I hope it's enough to overcome this stronger team."

Meanwhile, Stephen Rogers, Bedistan's Secretary of Sports and Games, is currently under investigation amid allegations of a secret deal struck with an unidentified Gilmeecian man recently charged with the theft of some 7,000 appendices. Rumors are that the crimes had something to do with a wager made by Rogers, but he has so far refused to comment on the issue.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Barber 19, Burks 37, King 82)
The Midnight Armies 1

News item from the The McKillops Bridge New Statesman:

http://www.newstatesman.com/graphics/ns/images/head_logo.gif

ANTARCTICAD A SHINING LIGHT IN DISMAL WEATHER

Team has turned corner says coach

(Picture of a beautifully balanced moschatuma, with arms stretched wide, a moment before his boot connects with the ball at a corner kick.)

Frosty Hollow national football stadium continued to bedevil players and fans alike with another day of atrocious weather marring a crucial World Cup 6 qualifier. Freezing temperatures and and violent snow gusts wracked the players as Errinundera continued its rise up the group one rankings by defeating Mezitzia 3-1.

"It's justice, in a way," said acting captain, sandrab. "The Mezitzians gave us a chilly reception, metaphorically speaking, when we played away. We certainly gave them one back here at home. Plus some."

Despite the appalling weather conditions, the fans turned out in force. The 32,000 seat stadium was packed to the rafters and more. People were sitting on the roofs and in all the gigantic shining gums surrounding the ground. Everyone had come to see the re-emergence of antarcticad. And those that didn't get frost bite would have gone home happy with what they saw. It was vintage antarcticad with goals in the 23rd and 33rd minutes before being rested for the second half. He was his usual funny, opportunistic, clever, foolish, stupid hair-styled, outrageous self. The difference this cup compared with the last is that the Errinundrians fans have finally warmed to this eye-catching player. And eye-catching is indeed true. No matter how heavy the blizzard, the glow meant that fans could see exactly where he was at all times.

Prominent sociologist, averagea, said that the saga of antarcticad closely fitted the ideals of the Errinundrian psyche. "We like our heroic stories to be full of irony and misfortune. As well as that our heroes must not take themselves too seriously. oreadest did that and the result is complete ostracism."

As if to prove averagea's point, antarcticad said after the game that he was lucky to get the two goals. "The second goal was covered by their goalkeeper but hit a snowdrift and deflected out of reach. I was pretty knackered by then and, by rights, shouldn't have got the goal."

Errinundera's goalkeeper, regnanse, was also serindipitously helped by the weather. "A wide shot from a very fine angle had caught me completely out of position and was heading for a certain score when a gust of wind blew it away from the goalmouth. Without that piece of luck and antarcticad's the score may well have been 2 all."

fionar, standing out to allow regnanse to keep goals, said that Errinundera was the better team on the day. "Sure those moments were very fortunate but the 3-1 scoreline did reflect the state of play. We handled the conditions much better than they did."

Longipesp put the icing on the cake in the 70th minute with another of her trademark frenetic, acrobatic goals. She had tumbled over the sub, firset, and while upended managed to swing a boot at a defensive header back into play, connected, and sent the ball into the net. We asked her if she practised these circus ring shots on goal. "Not at all. I seem to fluke them quite regularly, don't I?"

Again Errinundera's Protector of sport, filthyl, was mortified by the weather. "We're definitely heading north to the sunnier climes of McKillops Bridge for the next World Cup qualifiers." We would heartily agree with that.

*notes TBF can't add up*

lol

i think Lemmitania's gonna get it by default :p :)

ive already designed the logo for world cup seven, its a picture of a certain someone's head on a stick, with the logo "no more crappy formulas!" :)

orrrr i might just go with the Audioslavian/Latvian(sorry, Lemmitanian :p) flag with a number 7 as the logo, meh :)

If Lemmy chooses another partner he can have my full support :D

*notes TBF can't add up*
Sorry-I was half asleep

If Lemmy chooses another partner he can have my full support :D

because the support of a leper who sucks at maths is really important to lemmy :roll: :lol:

Does that make sense?

TB declares "Don't Snub your Veggies" fest

Security officials at the National Stadium reported that they had confiscated over 1,000 pounds of miscellaneous food product from those heading to the Snub Nose 38-Tanah Burung clash. The food will be thrown into enormous cauldrons outside the stadium and used to feed the hungry a hearty vegetable stew, providing much-needed fiber to their diet. As they eat, they will be serenaded with the match commentary, delivered by the fine folks at APSN. Half-time entertainment outside the stadium will be delivered by the National Synchronized Piercing Union.

Does that make sense?

fuck no :)

*bangs head*

I was gonna support Lemmy, but I'll have to pick another.

Audioslavia

Cons: evidently not the greatest at maintaining important international relations....
Pros: wittier than TnUI

:D

*as we open, superimposed on the screen is the WC6 Logo, and the ASPN Sports Logo. behind these we see the following scenes –
> a huge parking lot completely filled with cars, buses, motorcycles, and all other forms of conveyance legal in tanah burung. weaving its way through the parking lot is a very long conga line, being led by 2 guys and 1 girl banging away at actual conga drums. most of those in the line are hanging on to the person in front of them with one hand, and hanging on to a drink in the other hand. we hear the conga drums – not only those we see at the front of the conga line, but many, many others. we hear crowd sounds – a lot of crowd sounds.
>camera pans in on two multi-colored buses parked nose-to-nose. one is painted in the tanah burung colors, and has a very large sign hung on it’s side that say’s, “38 not-so-flippin’-special”. the other, painted in the snub nose 38 colors, also has a large banner, which reads, “Croc ‘O What?”
>as the camera pans back out, we see a large group of fans wearing both tanah burung colors and snub nose 38 colors, gathered around 6 barbeque grills merrily grilling away. a couple of kids run through, passing a ball between them. a very young child is sitting next to the chair her dad is in, juice bottle in hand. dad also has a drink in hand.
>and then the camera finds the ASPN Sports desk (we can tell by the blue table cloth), set up in the parking lot, our intrepid reporter grinning at us from behind the desk.

Hi! We’re here at Tanah Burung National Stadium, by special permission of the Tanah Burung Bureau of Special Permissions, to bring you coverage of the big rematch between the Tanah Burung Crocodiles and the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. It’s still 5 hours before the game, but as you can see the festivities are well underway. Because Tanah Burung is in a different time zone than Snub Nose 38, while the match starts at 3:00 PM here, it will be 2:00 AM in Snub Nose 38. So, while we will provide live coverage, what you’re watching now is the edited coverage of the entire match day being broadcast starting at noon.

*cut to the scene inside the stadium later in the day. not only is there not an empty seat in the place, but additional seating is set up in every conceivable open area, and is also full. the sound is a cacophony of conga drums, football songs, cheers, jeers, laughter, talking – and it is incredibly loud. the place is a sea of color – the black, red and yellow of tanah burung flags and banners mixing with the red and blue of snub nose 38, overlaid with every color of the rainbow. everything seems to be moving – the fans are swaying back and forth with the music, a light breeze keeps the banners and flags moving, the few clouds in the blue sky are drifting by. the camera pans up to one of the tanah burung flags at the top of the stadium – and we see that the flagpole is swaying in time with the conga drums – the whole stadium is swaying.
> the camera pans the crowd – painted faces, crocodile hats, inflated snub nose 38s, team jerseys – but strangely no food. as the camera pans, we can pick out several well known faces, among them the minister of athletics, olympics and alcoholic beverages, margaret, mau kiri rai, and in adjoining boxes the heads of state of both tanah burung and snub nose 38. margaret is passing a beer to the minister of a, o & ab – we can just read the label – “38 Special”.
> we see the snub nose 38 hooligan cheerleaders, in a roped-off area just beneath the overhanging press box. they are swaying back and forth to the congas, shaking their manacles in time with the beat, and singing. we can barely hear them over the din.

“That’s the sound of the men workin’ on the chain…ga-a-ang .
That’s the sound of the men working on the chain gang!”

> we see the fans around the hooligan cheerleaders searching among their things desperately for something to throw.
> pan to the swat team standing at the ready in tunnel b. then to the swat team standing at the ready in tunnel d. both swat teams are swaying to the beat. several of them are pounding out the beat with some of their equipment.
> and, the aspn sports desk (blue tablecloth), set up near the area that’s been roped-off for the hooligan cheerleaders.

You can actually feel the excitement, the anticipation, in here! The sides are about to come out of the locker rooms, and the…

> the snub nose 38 hooligans come trotting out tunnel a, across the field, and over to their bench. the crowd roars, and we can no longer hear the aspn reporter. as the team trots over to the bench, we see ben and eileen dover already standing there. Just as the crowd begins to quiet
> the tanah burung crocodiles charge out of tunnel c, and trot across to their bench. the roar of the crowd actually shakes the camera. as the crocs reach their bench, each get’s a “high 5” from bi kikere, standing just in front of the bench and sporting a new 20 gauge nose piercing. the croc fans scream encouragement. the hooligan fans scream at the croc fans. the screaming and hollering continues for 6 full minutes before it begins to die down.

…now taking off their warm-ups. the referee is standing at the center of the field, ball in one hand and whistle in the other. the rest of the officiating crew are in place and ready to begin.

> there is a 25 piece band at one end of the field, which now begins to play the snub nose 38 national anthem. the crowd quiets appreciably. as the anthem plays, the camera picks up the snub nose 38 flag being raised on one of two tall poles atop the stadium. the band finishes. and then, they begin to play the tanah burung national anthem. we see the tanah burung flag raised up the second pole. as the anthem is finished, the decibel level of the crowd noise begins to raise again.
> the sides take the field. the crocs to our left, the hooligans to our right. the roar of the crowd reaches a new level. and then, the referee lifts the hand holding the whistle and points at the hooligan keeper. the keeper waves. the crowd quiets. the referee points to the crocodile keeper. the keeper waves. the crowd quiets. the ref hands the ball to the hooligan at the center of the field, who places it on the spot. he gently rolls it forward about a foot, his team-mate kicks it back to the center midfielder, and the roar of the crowd peaks.
> fade out…fade in on the aspn reporter in the press box. he is standing, his jacket off, his tie loose, his eyes intense as he follows the game. there are about a dozen other reporters in the press box, and they are all as intent on the game.

…fields to the left side, where it’s picked up by a teammate, who executes a quick, short, back pass – and makes a run. the ball is passed back around the hooligan defender. now it’s one – on – one. a nutmeg, and the keeper is all that stands between tanah burung and the first…GOAL!! GO-O-O-O-O-O-OAL!!!!

* for a few moments the camera lingers on the tanah burung crocodiles celebrating the goal. then we’re in the aspn sports studio.*

Tanah Burung took the lead, 1 – 0, with that goal in the 42nd minute. And that’s where the score stood a the half. Here are some of the first half high-lights.

* we see - - - some of the first half high-lights. it takes about 7 minutes. the reporter keeps telling us what we’re seeing, as if we really weren’t seeing it. then*

The Hooligan Cheerleaders were permitted by the Tanah Burung Ministry of Sports and Defence, to provide half-time entertainment from within the roped-off area they were provided.

“Snub Nose – Shoot - em!!
Hooligans – Boot – em!!
Snub Nose Hooligans, RAH, RAH, RAH!!
Tanah – what’s a tanah?
Burung – what’a a burung?
Croc O What?!”

*the hooligan cheerleaders are seen dancing maniacally and manacled as they “cheer”. they are shaking their manacles in the direction of the tanah burung bench. suddenly we see netting fall from beneath the overhang above the hooligan cheerleaders area, followed by … over-ripe vegetables of many, many varieties. the cheerleaders scrape it off, and begin flinging it at the nearby spectators. tanah burung swat teams haul the hooligans away.*

And that was the half-time entertainment. No sooner had the second half begun than the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans tied things up 1 – 1. The keeper smothered a Crocodile shot, then placed a pass nicely in front of the center middie, who slipped it to his teammate on his right. The Hooligans moved about 15 more yards forward, then switched fields. The left middie sent a pass up and over the defense to his striker, who chested it down, and before it hit the ground, spun and volleyed it into the net.

*we see - that*

And that is where the score stayed for most of the second half – until the 88th minute.

*we see a tanah burung player, clear of all but one defender, slip the ball around that hooligan and try to follow it. the hooligan player, with no chance at the ball, commits the “professional foul” – he takes down the crocodile. red card waving, the ref runs into the picture. the hooligan leaves the field without protest. the ball is placed about 30 yards out. the wall is formed, and directed into place by the hooligan keeper. the crocodile player lifts the ball beautifully up and over the wall, and we see it bend down and right. the hooligan keeper dives, hand outstretched – and just misses the ball, which finds the back of the net. the stadium erupts.*

Final score: TANAH BURUNG CROCODILES 2 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 1. With three points, Tanah Burung remains in first place in Group 5 and widens their lead on second place Snub Nose 38.

And here are some highlights of the second ha…

*ben dover switches off the tv with his remote. he and eileen, depressed, are sitting in their darkened living room. ben has a beer which he has opened, but not touched. eileen has a beer which she has not even opened. for a long time neither speaks. finally, ben says*

- I heard the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages fell on his sword today.
- That’s sad. That makes two, now, this year alone.
- Oh, no – no, he didn’t “fall on his sword” as in committing ritual suicide. He was on his way to a sacrificial supplication ceremony to the random number gods, and tripped over his sword as he got out of the cab.
- Oh…

*again they fall silent. after a few minutes, eileen says,*

Ah…Ben…I just feel so…so…eviscerated.

:roll:
---------------------------------
OOC: Spelling, spelling, spelling. random number "guards"?

Pros
2.Used to big sporting events-Head of the FIA, RP's all the races for that!

How's about debating the WC7 host question in the WC7 thread?

Alone on the bench, after everything has been cleared away, Bi Kikere sits with a large smile on her face. She had enjoyed the APSN commentary very much. And the result even more. "Eviscerated. What did i tell you?" The emergency live organ transplant medics heave a sigh of relief. No intestine extractions will be needed today.

Tanah Burung goals scored by: Cavaco, Bibere

In the dignitaries box, Mau Kiri Rai has a thought. The Cheerleaders had amused many. He got out his tape recorder and dictated a letter: "Dear Cheerleaders. Your antics appear to have won some fans. Perhaps you would like to stay on and take part in the National Competitive Putrid Vegetable Toss?"

BTW, to answer the Cheerleaders' question, Tanah Burung is Indonesian for "land of birds."

How's about debating the WC7 host question in the WC7 thread?

Alone on the bench, after everything has been cleared away, Bi Kikere sits with a large smile on her face. She had enjoyed the APSN commentary very much. And the result even more. "Eviscerated. What did i tell you?" The emergency live organ transplant medics heave a sigh of relief. No intestine extractions will be needed today.

Tanah Burung goals scored by: Cavaco, Bibere

In the dignitaries box, Mau Kiri Rai has a thought. The Cheerleaders had amused many. He got out his tape recorder and dictated a letter: "Dear Cheerleaders. Your antics appear to have won some fans. Perhaps you would like to stay on and take part in the National Competitive Putrid Vegetable Toss?"

BTW, to answer the Cheerleaders' question, Tanah Burung is Indonesian for "land of birds."
OOC: Pedantry is often necessary.
BTW: I think we got the translation of Tanah Burung once before - but those cheerleaders are just SO rude...

IC: Snub Nose 38 goal scored by Horatio
(ooc: with credit to Man U - it was the goal scored by Rudd VanNestleroy against Juventus yesterday at Giants Stadium in NY. It was amazing! and i apologize in advance to Man U, Rudd, and Rudd fans - I have no clue if I spelled his name right)(edit -->ooc: the 2nd Tanah Burung goal was Ryan Giggs' goal from the same match)

IC: *margaret enters the office of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister is seated behind his desk in a wheel-chair, his ceremonial sword in it's scabbard hanging from the back of the chair. he is working on a report of no importance at all.*
- Minister?
- Hmmm? Oh, Margaret. What is it?
- We just received an inviation from Mau Kiri Rai.
- Oh, an invitation! We're going to a party, we're going to a party!
- Uh...no, sir, not a party invitation. This invites the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders to take...
- They're always taking. Take, take, take, take, take. Who did you say this invitation is from, Margaret?
- Mau Kiri Rai.
- Mowkrey wassis?
- Sir, Mau Kiri Rai. You know - from Tanah Burung?
- Oh, um, yes...of course. Yes. Um hmm.
- Anyway, the inviation is for the Hooligan Cheerleaders to participate in the Tanah Burung National Competitive Putrid Vegetable Toss.
- That's an event?
- Sir, don't be like that. This is a multi-cultural world, and we have to view it with an open mind.
- Well...what about their schedule. Does this conflict with their schedule?
- No, sir. As long as we can put a Leer Jet at their disposal, they can take part in the Tanah Burung Veggie-ma-jig, and still make all their other scheduled appearances.
- What about the charges the Sheriff of Remington County has pending?
- It's not public yet, but they've been pardoned in advance by the Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38.
- So...
- Just say, "Yes", Minister.
- Yes.
- I'll send Mau Kiri Rai an acceptance on behalf of the Hooligan Cheerleaders then, sir.

Ok - here's the thing. The Snub Nose 38 Legislature has taken a vote, and have authorized the Treasury to pay inordinately large sums of money, in any currency at all, for certain information.

Quohog...The Belmore Family... 9 played, 9 wins, no draws, no losses.

WHAT IS YOUR FLIPPIN' SECRET, EH?!?! :shock:

draws! nothing but draws!

after the match with Christofi, an Eagles fan went and kicked the goalie in the chin

Ok - here's the thing. The Snub Nose 38 Legislature has taken a vote, and have authorized the Treasury to pay inordinately large sums of money, in any currency at all, for certain information.

Quohog...The Belmore Family... 9 played, 9 wins, no draws, no losses.

WHAT IS YOUR FLIPPIN' SECRET, EH?!?! :shock:

<OOC>Mebbe there's something wrong with my Mac. It is about 10 years old.

Scores coming up in 30 mins or so. I've been busy reading Errinundera, Snub Nose 38, and Tanah Burung's highly entertaining commentaries. :) to you all!</OOC>

Matchday 10 results

Group 1
TnUI 3 Hegemonia Polska 0
Liverpool England 2 Timway 0
Mezitzia 0 Quohog 2
LordSquall 3 Errinundera 1

Group 2
Provoo 0 Audioslavia 1
Iuthia 2 _AMP 2
Starving Children 2 Jay Cutter 1
Cobra Cult 2 Great White Sharks 2

Group 3
Oglethorpia 2 Eauz 0
Northern Kings 3 Giant Zucchini 2
BK_Samurai 4 Albion Soviets 2
Dark Outcasts 3 La Darien 1

Group 4
Communation 2 VA Industrialized 1
Pure Evil 3 Tha Machine 1
Nevershadow 2 The Belmore Family 1
Futililia 0 Lunatic Goofballs 2

Group 5
Nova Polonia 3 Snub Nose 38 4
Copiosa Scotia 3 Tanah Burung 0
Whorecore 3 Bubbasa the Great 2
Shaw Heath 0 Benjibouti 4

Group 6
The Midnight Armies 0 Ironchefk 4
Aquilla 2 Haraki 1
Alhana Catherine 1 Christofi 2
Bedistan 1 Runaway Moose 0

Group 7
Aves 2 Pavesia 3
Tiburon 0 Halfassedstates 2
Tintinnabulation 1 Malundar 2
Dead Man 3 Vegemite 1

Group 8
Dennisov 4 Crimson Sparta 1
Jurimaxistan 0 Australian Marsupials 2
Ravenspire 0 One Red Dot 1
Gesamkuntswerk 0 Busby 2

Group 9
The Lowland Clans 3 Darkseed 2
Akbarland 4 Lomina 3
Avina 3 Dannland 4
Rave Shentavo 1 Chakra 2

Current Standings After Matchday Ten

[code:1:b7b4bfd252]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 10 10 0 0 34 9 +25 30
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 10 7 1 2 24 10 +14 22
Timway 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15
Errinundera (17) 10 3 4 3 17 15 +2 13
LordSquall 10 3 2 5 18 28 -10 11
Liverpool England 10 2 3 5 15 19 -4 9
Mezitzia 10 2 2 6 12 17 -5 8
Hegemonia Polska 10 1 1 8 12 34 -22 4

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 10 7 3 0 27 12 +15 24
_AMP 10 4 4 2 22 19 +3 16
Great White Sharks 10 4 3 3 23 17 +6 15
Porvoo 10 4 1 5 22 18 +4 13
Cobra Cult 10 4 1 5 22 27 -5 13
Jay Cutter 10 3 2 5 17 23 -6 11
Starving Children 10 2 4 4 19 26 -7 10
Iuthia 10 2 2 6 16 26 -10 8

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 10 8 2 0 25 10 +15 26
Dark Outcasts (42) 10 6 1 3 24 18 +6 19
La Darien (36) 10 4 2 4 14 15 -1 14
Giant Zucchini (10) 10 4 1 5 17 16 +1 13
Northern Kings 10 3 4 3 20 20 0 13
Eauz 10 4 0 6 15 21 -6 12
Albion Soviets 10 2 2 6 19 26 -7 8
BK_Samurai 10 2 2 6 13 21 -8 8

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 10 9 0 1 28 10 +18 27
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 10 5 1 4 18 13 +5 16
Pure Evil (22) 10 4 2 4 20 19 +1 14
Nevershadow 10 4 2 4 19 21 -2 14
Futililia 10 4 1 5 18 25 -7 13
Communation 10 3 2 5 20 24 -4 11
Tha Machine 10 2 3 5 17 21 -4 9
VA Industrialized 10 2 3 5 16 23 -7 9

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 10 7 1 2 19 12 +7 22
Snub Nose 38 (20) 10 6 2 2 24 13 +11 20
Copiosa Scotia (50) 10 6 1 3 24 16 +8 19
Shaw Heath 10 4 1 5 13 20 -7 13
Benjibouti 10 3 2 5 22 21 +1 11
Whorecore 10 2 4 4 17 23 -6 10
Nova Polonia 10 1 5 4 20 27 -7 8
Bubbasa the Great 10 2 2 6 15 22 -7 8

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 10 7 2 1 17 6 +11 23
Ironchefk (9) 10 6 0 4 22 12 +10 18
Haraki (29) 10 4 3 3 19 13 +6 15
Bedistan (27) 10 4 3 3 16 12 +4 15
Aquilla 10 3 3 4 12 21 -9 12
Christofi (28) 10 2 4 4 13 19 -6 10
Alhana Catherine (48) 10 1 5 4 15 17 -2 8
The Midnight Armies 10 2 2 6 15 29 -14 8

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 10 6 3 1 23 11 +12 21
Malundar 10 5 3 2 20 16 +4 18
Dead Man (58) 10 4 2 4 19 16 +3 14
Pavesia 10 3 4 3 20 19 +1 13
Tiburon 10 4 1 5 11 16 -5 13
Tintinnabulation 10 4 1 5 19 25 -6 13
Vegemite 10 3 3 4 18 18 0 12
Aves 10 2 1 7 13 22 -9 7

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 10 5 4 1 20 11 +9 19
Dennisov (14) 10 4 5 1 19 11 +8 17
Ravenspire (24) 10 4 2 4 13 13 0 14
Busby 10 4 2 4 15 16 -1 14
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 10 3 4 3 16 16 0 13
Crimson Sparta 10 3 3 4 13 16 -3 12
Australian Marsupials 10 3 2 5 13 14 -1 11
Jurimaxistan 10 2 2 6 12 24 -12 8

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 10 5 4 1 30 21 +9 19
The Lowland Clans 10 5 2 3 26 21 +5 17
Dannland 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15
Chakra (70) 10 3 4 3 19 20 -1 13
Rave Shentavo 10 3 3 4 20 21 -1 12
Darkseed 10 3 2 5 20 22 -2 11
Lomina 10 3 2 5 18 21 -3 11
Avina 10 3 2 5 19 26 -7 11[/code:1:b7b4bfd252]

The following teams have now qualified:
Quohog (25)
The Belmore Family (47)

The following teams must win all remaining games in order to have a chance to qualify:
Hegemonia Polska
Albion Soviets
BK_Samurai
Nova Polonia
Bubbasa the Great

Press Secretary Gig Milkerson: Ladies and gentlemen, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Gil: Wow, it’s nice to be introduced by me proper title for once, an’ no fascism! ‘ello Gilmeecia an’ welcome to the broadcast of your national team’s friendly match against the Chilean Bats of Brazillico! I’m Gil Lemson, an’ joining me in the booth today are your own Glick Masterson, Ned Itchlesby, Lou Gilsterson, and Gig Milkerson. The booth’s a little smaller than the ones I’m usually used to working in, so it’s fair to say it’s crowded as a Tokyo subway car in ‘ere. Glick, Ned, Lou, Gig, welcome to the broadcast.

Glick: Thanks Gil, it’s great to be here.

Ned: Get your elbow out of my face, Milkerson.

Lou: Gig ain’t even supposed to be in here. He was just here to introduce our esteemed guest commentator. Get the hell out of the booth, Gig!

Gil: Wull, that’s a mite better. Thank goodness you don’t ‘ave a statistician or a director in ‘ere with us, or we might die.

Lou: What’s a statistician? Are we supposed to have one? Ned, you moron-- I’m sorry, Gil, I can’t reach Ned. Could you smack him in the back of the head?

Gil: Gladly.

Ned: Ow!

Lou: I apologize for our underpreparedness, Gil. We’re a little backwards in Gilmeecia.

Gil: So I’ve noticed. Still, it’s a lovely little country you ‘ave ‘ere. Wot’s the population, about twenty million?

Ned: Ha!

Lou: Er... no.

Glick: Not to interrupt, Gil, but I notice the teams are getting set to begin play.

Gil: Chee! Not much time for pregame banter around ‘ere, is there? All right, Let’s take a look at wot’s ‘appenin’ down on the-- ‘oly bejeezus! Wot’s wrong with the pitch?

Lou: The what?

Gil: The field, mate, the field. It looks like twenty-year-old carpetin’ ripped right out of someone’s bloomin’ basement!

Ned: You like that, Gil? I can sell it to you after the game.

Lou: Shut your yapper, Ned. Gil dosn’t want to buy your stinking old carpet. Especially after twenty guys have been running around on it in spikes for an hour and a half.

Gil: So that’s a carpet, then, is it? Wull, it’s... very nice. You’d never know it isn’t proper grass if you ‘adn’t been told.

Lou: Very kind of you, Gil. We had some trouble securing the Stadium.

Gil: Wot stadium?

Lou: The National Stadium. The one we’re in.

Gil: There ain’t a stadium ‘ere of any kind.

Lou: Well, not now But there was before we napalmed it.

Gil: Napalmed your stadium, did you? That explains the smell.

Ned: I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Hee hee!

Lou: Forgive Ned, Gil, he’s a moron. Give him another smack for me, would you?

Ned: Ouch!

Gil: So ‘ere we’ve got the Brazillico national team, defending world champions after they defeated me own Lemmitania Lemmings in the las’ World Cup, runnin’ around on a pitch wot’s properly someone’s old smelly carpetin’. An’ I’m observing this from the back of a small van wot’s servin’ as a broadcast booth. Remind me ‘ow much you’re payin’ me to do this game.

Lou: Well, we filled the back of the pickup truck with money. We didn’t really count it.

Gil: That’s all right. Any amount of money wot filled up a pickup is enough money for me. Bolstered by your reminder of me pickupfull of money, I’m ready to do a professional job for you. So let’s see your roster.

Lou: Our what?

Gil: Roster. It’s loik a list of the people wot you’ve got playin’ for you.

Glick: Do you usually have a roster, Gil?

Gil: Wull, I don’t usually read the roster. But I usually ‘ave one available, yeh.

Glick: Here, I’ll write down the names of the players.

Gil: Thanks.

Lou: Very sportin’ of you, Glick. That’s why I like you. Always ready to help out. Not like some other members of the press I could mention.

Ned: Ungrateful bastards.

Lou: Okay, enough of that from you.

Ned: Ouch! Hey!

Gil: Sorry, I assumed Lou wanted me to ‘it you again.

Lou: Swift thinking, Gil. I can see why those Lemmitanians made you Dean of sports.

Gil: Years an’ years of ‘ard work is wot earned me the ti’le Dean of sports, Lou. Speakin’ of which, I understand you sport a pretty prestigious ti’le yourself.

Lou: That’s right. I’m President of Gilmeecia.

Gil: Wot!? You’re shittin’ me! You’re the president? Well, I guess that explains why we were introduced by a press secretary, anyway.

Lou: What title did you think I have?

Gil: I was talkin’ about the world Competitive Piercing title for 1998 and ‘99.

Lou: Oh, that. Yeah, a lot of people mistake me for the other Lew Gilsterson. But he spells his name with a W.

Gil: Wouldn’t that make ‘is name “Low?”

Lou: He uses an E, too.

Gil: ...Where does ‘e put the E, then?

Lou: In between the L and the W.

Gil: An’ wot about the O?

Lou: I hang onto the O. Lew doesn’t get to use it at all.

Glick: Here’s the roster, Gil.

Gil: Thanks, Click.

Glick: Glick.

Gil: Wot?

Glick: I’m Glick.

Gil: An’ I’m Gil. Nice to meet you. Weren’t we introduced before the broadcast?

Glick: We sure were.

Gil: Wull, you just keep up the good work then. Now lesse ‘oo’s playin’. Um-- do you know wot positions they’re at?

Glick: What positions are there?

Gil: Well, there’s fullback an’ ’alfback an ‘ooker an’-- oh, no, wait a minute. Those are rugby positions. Lesse, I ‘aven’t called a football game in four years, so gimme a minute. Um-- While I’m thinkin’ about it, why don’t you fill in the play-by-play, Glick?

Glick: I’d be honored. Brazillico’s got the ball right now, and they’re running around close to our goal. I see Moola Gilsterson chasing around the guy with the ball, and Moola’s already looking pretty winded. And Glen Gilsterson’s trying to help him out, but that one guy for Brazillico’s real good. Glen and Moola are like a couple of little dogs chasing a delivery van. And that van’s gonna deliver a goal!

Gil: Wot? Wot? Someone scored?

Glick: No, I was just making a metaphor.

Gil: Oh. Good work. That’s wot sports commentating’s all about, Click.

Glick: I learned by listening to tapes of your games.

Gil: Really? I’m flattered. Wull, I mean, I am the Dean of Lemmitanian sports. Only natural I’d ‘ave students. You know, I’ve never called a football game with people wot didn’t know the first thing about the sport. Kind of makes me feel all warm an’ fuzzy. Like the master an’ ‘is apprentices. Now, ‘oo’s that kid wot just fell down on ‘is back lookin’ like ‘e’s ‘avin’ a ‘eart attack?

Glick: That’s Moola Gilsterson.

Lou: Yep, that’s my cousin Moola. When we were kids, we all used to call him “Wheezy.” Heh, heh, those were the good old days.

Gil: Wull, ‘e looks dead to me.

Lou: Crap! Are you kidding me? He was a last-minute replacement for another dead guy. What are the chances of that?

Gil: The referee’s kind of pokin’ at ‘im with ‘is toe.

Glick: Meanwhile, Brazillico has just scored the first goal of the game!

Gil: I’m ‘ardly surprised. Your team sucks.

Lou: They only just learned the rules of the game a couple weeks ago. Well, except Moola, of course. He learned them a couple days ago.

Glick: The referee’s calling a break in the action while a medical team removes Moola from the field.

Gil: Somebody find out if ‘e’s dead or not.

Glick: Okay. Uh... how do we go about doing that?

Gil: Send somebody down-- I mean, out-- to find out!

Glick: But who? We’re busy calling the game--

Gil: The statis-- wait a minute, we don’t ‘ave a statistician. So send Ned. Wot the ‘ell’s ‘e doing ‘ere anyway? Seems to be just sitting there.

Ned: I’ll have you know, I’m the Foreign Minister, Gil.

Gil: Wull, in Lemmitania the Foreign minister runs errands for the broadcasters. So ‘ow about running along and seeing wot’s wrong with Wheezy?

Lou: Just smack him in the head and kick him out the door, Gil.

Ned: I’m going, I’m going.

Gil: Don’t forget: Your mission is to find out whether Moola is alive or dead. And while you’re at it, find out the names of the players wot scored the goal and assisted on it. Good man. Whoo! Nice to ‘ave a li’le breathing room in ‘ere, eh, gents? Me condolences on your loss, by the way, Lou.

Lou: Don’t jump the gun. Maybe he isn’t dead yet.

Gil: Sure, maybe...

Glick: The entire Brazillican team has been called off the pitch.

Gil: Huh. Some kind of protest movement goin’ on?

Glick: They’re milling around on the sideline... Now some different players are coming on.

Gil: Oh. I see, sending on the second team.

Lou: The second team? You mean they have two?

Gil: By ‘second team’ I mean the reserves.

Lou: The what?

Gil: Reserves. Replacement players? In case someone collapses dead on the field or something?

Lou: I didn’t know you could do that.

Gil: Wot, you mean you don’t ‘ave reserves?

Lou: Well, in Piercing, replacements aren’t allowed. I mean the point of the game is to knock your opponent unconscious. Who would ever have thought of coming up with a sport where you were allowed to replace a guy?

Gil: So you’re telling me your team ‘as no replacement for the late lamented Moola.

Lou: Well, there’s Ned.

Gil: Speakin’ of ‘oom, ‘ere ‘e comes back now.

Ned: Okay, I ran your ‘errand,’ Gil. Moola isn’t dead. At least not completely. They’re reviving him with those heart-shockers and they think he’ll come around.

Lou: Will he be able to get back out on the field?

Ned: What the hell? you didn’t tell me to find that out.

Gil: I don’t think the refs will allow ‘im back into the game, Lou.

Lou: why not?

Gil: For ‘is own good. To prevent ‘im from dying.

Lou: What’s it to them?

Gil: I don’t know. It’s just that, in my experience, most people try to prevent other people from dying when they ‘ave the opportunity.

Lou: Well, you come from Lemmitania. Bunch of bleeding hearts.

Gil: Wot sort of election platform did you run on, Lou? I’m just curious.

Lou: Oh, it was a beauty. We called it the “Don’t get your ass kicked” ticket. One of our ads went, “Not to say that anybody’s going to break into your house in the middle of the night and kick your ass if you vote against Lou Gilsterson, but we’re just saying. If you do vote for him, we can absolutely guarantee that won’t happen.”

Gil: Were you able to keep that promise?

Lou: Not one hundred percent. But we did pretty good.

Ned: Middle-of-the-night ass-kickings are down seventeen percent since Lou got elected, Gil.

Gil: Brilliant. If anyone’s wondering wot’s about on the field, I should just mention that nothing’s ‘appening. The referees seem to ‘ave cottoned on to the fact that your team-- wot’s the name of your squad, by-the-by?

Lou: The Kickfooters.

Gil: You don’t say? Wull, as I was saying’, seems the refs ‘ave found out that the Kickfooters, as you call ‘em, ‘aven’t got any replacements. So I think they’re trying to give the team a few minutes to find someone to bring in.

Lou: Ned, get out there.

Ned: Huh?

Lou: Go tell Lew you’re ready to play.

Ned: Play what?

Lou: Football!

Ned: I can’t play football!

Lou: You’re in for Moola. Go on!

Ned: What? Come on, Lou, I don’t even know how to run.

Lou: Anybody can run!

Gil: Moola couldn’t. Not really.

Ned: And I don’t have a uniform--

Lou: Well, Moola isn’t using his now. Strip him down, suit up, and get out there on the pitch!

Ned: That’s crazy!

Lou: Your nation needs you! What sort of a sorry Foreign Minister won’t even take the field when his nation’s pride is on the line?

Ned: Oh, fine. I’ll do it. But I’m not wearing Moola’s uniform.

Gil: Yeah, that’s disgusting.

Lou: What? He’s clean. Mostly.

Gil: ‘e’s dead.

Lou: No, they’re reviving him. He’s not really dead at all, remember? Go on, Ned. Hit him again, Gil.

Ned: I’m going, I’m going.

Gil: So you ran on a get-out-the-ass-kicking platform, did you? I dread to ask, but what about the opposition?

Lou: The what?

Gil: Your opponent in the election.

Lou: My what, now?

Gil: The person you ran against.

Lou: How do you mean?

Gil: I see. Not much of a democracy, is it?

Lou: A de-what-icasee?

Gil: Never mind. I think I get the picture. Oh, ‘ey, we forgot to find out from Ned ‘oo scored the goal. So while Ned warms up, ‘ow about if we run down your squad, ‘ere?

Lou: What!?

Gil: Let’s run down the list of players an’ see ‘oo you’ve got on the field today.

Lou: Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant run ‘em down in the van.

Gil: Wot, like kill ‘em?

Lou: Yeah.

Gil: Why would I want to do that?

Lou: I don’t know. I was your idea.

Gil: Well, let’s do it, then.

Lou: All right.

Gil: Whoa, Lou, hold on. Sit back down. We’re not going to run your team over with the van.

Lou: No?

Gil: No.

Lou: How come?

Gil: You are a sicko. You know that?

Lou: I’ve heard it before, yeah.

Gil: All right then. So who’s playing for the Kickfooters today?

Glick: We’ve got Glen Gilsterson--

Gil: Okay, we saw ‘im runnin’ around in the backfield with poor dead Moola. So Glen’s a defender. Probably Right Goalkeeper’s ‘elper, judgin’ by where ‘e was positioned. ‘oo else?

Glick: Rix Bodricksy, Laverne Gilcrisp, Joey Gilsterson--

Gil: Slow down, slow down. We’ve got to figure out wot position they’re at, right? Now oo’s which of ‘em?

Glick: There’s Rix, there.

Gil: Which one?

Glick: The one drinking all the Gatorade.

Gil: Oh. Thirsty bugger. Now where was ‘e playing?

Glick: He was running around over there.

Gil: So ‘e must be a midfielder. Probably Center Centerballer. And then you ‘ad...?

Glick: Laverne Gilcrisp. She’s standing over Moola, looking worried.

Gil: Oh, I noticed ‘er, she was looking worried all through the action. Standing close to the sideline like she wanted to bolt.

Lou: Laverne is Ned’s cousin.

Gil: everybody is somebody’s cousin, then?

Lou: Pretty much.

Gil: Okay. So based on where she was standin’, I’d say Laverne is the, um, Left Wing, uh, Honkwacker.

Glick: The Left Wing Honkwacker?

Gil: It’s the name of the position, kid. Football’s a strange sport. Okay, ‘oo else?

Glick: Well, that’s “Scaley” Oswald Gilsterson who just kicked the ball off.

Gil: Right! We’re back into the action. Hee hee hee, look at Ned in Moola’s kit. ‘e’s sweatin’ up a blinkin’ storm, ain’t ‘e?

Lou: I think that’s Moola’s sweat.

Gil: ‘ow nice for Ned. Moola doesn’t look any more alive, by the way, Lou.

Lou: I know. I’m beginning to come to grips with the loss. Look at him, all naked and sweaty. Like a big, dead, naked sweaty guy. Ill have to call my aunt and tell her how awful I feel.

Gil: Do it after the game, though, all right?

Lou: Of course. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

Glick: Scaley passed it to Screamin’ Joe.

Gil: Screamin’ Joe? Is that ‘is full name?

Lou: Last name’s Gilsterson, oddly enough.

Gil: Relative of yours, is ‘e?

Lou: No, Lew’s.

Gil: Lew Gilsterson the former World Champion Piercee?

Lou: That’s right. He’s the coach, you know.

Gil: Wot, of you football team?

Lou: Yeah.

Gil: Why, for crying out loud?

Lou: He’s the nation’ most revered athlete! Despite his pathetic performance in the Piercing Tournament. Who else would I pick to coach the team?

Gil: I don’t know. Someone who knows the rules of football?

Lou: And where am I going to find one of those in Gilmeecia?

Gil: Wull, anyway, ‘oo cares if you win or lose, right? It’s ‘ow you play the-- what in ‘ell’s going on?!

Lou: Oh crap!

Glick: Screaming Joe’s gone crazy!

Gil: Is that a knife ‘e’s got?

Lou: It’s a tournament-grade piercing spike! That crazy son of a bitch is chasing one of those Brazillicos around the field with a six-inch piercing spike!

Gil: Laverne’s running away.

Glick: Lew’s trying to tackle Screaming Joe!

Gil: Brazillico ain’t going to be coming back to play football in Gilmeecia any time soon, I can guarantee you that.

Lou: Isn’t this what football’s usually like?

Gil: Oh, sure. But not quite so much.

Glick: Lew’s got Screaming Joe under control. Thank god nobody was injured.

Gil: The ref’s pulled a yellow card on Screaming Joe. ‘e might well ‘ave awarded the victory to Brazillico right there, so count yourselves lucky.

Lou: What’s a yellow card?

Gil: It means Screaming Joe can’t chase anybody else down with spikes or anything. If ‘e does, ‘e’s out of the game.

Lou: I hope they explain that to him.

Gil: So Brazillico takes possession. You don’t by chance ‘ave their roster? No, why do I even bother to ask.

Glick: Now, what position are Scaley and Screaming Joe playing, Gil?

Gil: I’m glad you asked. Scaley’s at Right Ballkicker an’ Screamin’ Joe’s at Left. Speaking of Left, where’s your Left Wing Honkwacker gone off to?

Lou: Good question. In the confusion, no one seems to have noticed she escaped.

Gil: Send Ned to find ‘er.

Lou: Ned’s on the field. In for Moola.

Gil: Oh, yeah. Wull, Glick, ‘ow about you?

Glick: But I’m calling the game!

Gil: Don’t worry, I’ll cover for you.

Glick: Really? I’d be honored to have you cover for me, Gil.

Gil: As well you should be. Go run like the wind, Glick. Find Laverne before Brazillico scores or something.

Lou: Too late.

Gil: That was quick. Too bad Glick’s gone, I could ‘ave told ‘im to find out which players are responsible for the goals.

Lou: So now we’re down two-nothing, I guess?

Gil: That’s be ten-nothing, actually. It’s five points for a try.

Lou: The scoreboard says two.

Gil: Wot scoreboard?

Lou: Over there.

Gil: Where?

Lou: See the guys holding up the numbers “2” and “0” on the other side of the field?

Gil: Oh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. That is a scoreboard. In some sad, pathetic sense.

Lou: Well, keep in mind, the National Stadium was napalmed.

Gil: Oh yes, so you said. Some sort of war you were in?

Lou: No, we did it to clear the field. And kill the rats.

Gil: I see. So there was a scoreboard here before you napalmed it, was there?

Lou: Er... no. I mean, the scoreboard you see now was the same one we had before.

Gil: The one I see now being two guys ‘olding up placards with the respective scores on ‘em. Or not so much placards, as pieces of cardboard with numbers scrawled on ‘em.

Lou: Yeah.

Gil: Very nice.

Lou: You know what, Gil? I really do think Moola’s dead.

Gil: Scaley Joe with the kickoff, to Ned. Ned falls over and Brazillico’s got the ball again. Wot makes you say that about Moola, Lou?

Lou: Well, they just pulled a sheet over his head. I think they usually do that when someone dies, to keep the flies off.

Gil: Oh, well, I’m sure you must feel terrible. ‘im bein’ your cousin and all.

Lou: Yeah, I do. Poor Wheezy. I remember one time when we were kids and his breathing passages seized up. We thought he was dead that time.

Gil: Asthmatic, was he?

Lou: No, he just used to choke on things a lot. He was always inhaling a bug or choking on his own spit or eating his food too fast or swallowing something down the wrong pipe.

Gil: Wull, I wonder wot finally did ‘im in?

Lou: Send Glick to find out.

Gil: We already sent Glick to catch Laverne.

Lou: Oh, right.

Gil: I could send you.

Lou: Well, I think maybe I better call my aunt. I probably shouldn’t put it off ‘til after the game, I was thinking.

Gil: ‘ow come?

Lou: Well, she’s watching the game at home. So she’s hearing everything I’m saying.

Gil: Ah. Well, go a’ead an’ call ‘er then. You ‘ave a cellular phone or something?

Lou: Yeah. Oh, wait, Ned has my phone.

Gil: All right, so go get it. And while you’re out there find out ‘oo scored the goals and wot killed Moola.

Lou: Why do I have to find out what killed Moola? Who’s going to care about that?

Gil: Your aunt, probably.

Lou: Oh yeah, right. Okay. I’ll be back in a jif.

Gil: ‘ave a good one, Lou.

...


Gil: Right. Well, I’ve been sitting ‘ere all alone for the better part of ten minutes, and for any of you viewers ‘oo thot the game was over ‘cause I’d stopped talking, I just want to reassure you that it continues. If you’re looking at your screen, you’ll ‘ave seen that Lou was drafted into playing for Laverne, but ‘e got red-carded for poundin’ Ned over the ‘ead, presumably in some sort of dispute over ‘oo ‘as the cell phone. First time I’ve ever seen a player carded for attacking one of ‘is own teammates. So, if you’re enjoying the game, please do continue to watch, by all means. I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit longer.

<OOC>Second 'alf to be posted tomorry</OOC>

OMG Belmore lost.

We may have oppened a Pandoras box that will lead to the destruction of the universe.

Im too busy to RP at the moment.

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini has not fully recovered from its slump, losing 2-3 to Northern Kings. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "This is just a small hiccup, we will try to recover. The players know that we need to win the next few matches to guarantee our place in the World Cup, and they will be trying their best to keep up to the high standards of Giant Zucchini."

(LE for WC 7 HOST!)

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND WORLD CUP SIX QUALIFYING UPDATE

TEAM VICTORIOUS OVER TIMWAY AT HOME
The team has won their second game, lifting them out of second-from-bottom in Group One. However, the team has been eliminated from any chance of securing second place. Second-placed TnUI are on 22 points, one more than if LE win all remaining matches and TnUI lose.

MEANWHILE,
elsewhere in the Heartland, Gesamkuntswerk lost 0-2 at home to Busby, putting them into fifth place in Group Eight, with only Crimson Sparta, Australian Marsupials and Jurimaxistan below them. All teams from Group Eight however still have the chance to qualify and LE coach Jim Whites is here with me to give me his predictions on who will make i through.

JD (host): Morning, Jim.

JW: Good morning, Jason.

JD: Let's look at Group One, Quohog have gone through already. Who do you think will join them?

JW: Well with four games to go Total n' Utter Insanity have the advantage over unseeded Timway by seven points, and Timway are unlikely to catch up. TnUI and Quohog to go through.

JD: How about Group Two, then?
JW: Audioslavia are leading the group, the only seeded team, by eight points. We can safely say they will go through.

JD: Who else?

JW: Well, _AMP are ahead of GWS and Porvoo and Cobra Cult by one, three and three points respectively. A close one, but I think AMP will make it.

JD: In Group Three Oglethorpia are leading, do you think they'll go through?

JW: Yes, Oglethorpia are likely to make it in, with Giant Zucchini in fourth place a potential surprise to take second and qualify.

JD: We'll go for a break and will be back with the rest of the six groups and the tables.

JD: Welcome back. With me is Jim Whites, head coach of Liverpool England, who is giving his qualifying predictions with four games to play.

JW: For Group Four, TBF has already made it through. I think Pure Evil can come back from the current form and jump in there with TBF.

JD: Group Five. Bubbasa have been eliminated, and Tanah Burung,
second-highest seeded qualifying team behind TnUI, are first. Thoughts?

JW:Tanah Burung and Snub Nose, no doubt.

JD: Great! Let's have a look-see at Group 6.

JW:A close one, however I think Runaway Moose and Ironchefk will falter at the eleventh hour and give it away to Haraki and Bedistan.

JD: Group Seven?

JW: Halfassedstates and Malundar.

JD: Thank you, Group Eight?

JW: The most open group so far, only 11 points seperating first and last, which means Jurimaxistan, in last, can still qualify, however for me it would be ORD and Gesamkuntserk.

JD: And finally, Group Nine.

JW: Now, this is the most open group. Eight points seperating first from last, with three teams in last on 11 points! Lowland Clans and Akbarland will qualify closely, though.

JD: Thank you, Jim, Jim Whites, coach of Liverpool England. Before we go, lets view the tables.


[code:1:a1b6f83a21]
Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 10 10 0 0 34 9 +25 30 #
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 10 7 1 2 24 10 +14 22 +
Timway 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15 +
Errinundera (17) 10 3 4 3 17 15 +2 13 +
LordSquall 10 3 2 5 18 28 -10 11 +
Liverpool England 10 2 3 5 15 19 -4 9 * +
Mezitzia 10 2 2 6 12 17 -5 8 * +
Hegemonia Polska 10 1 1 8 12 34 -22 4 * +

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 10 7 3 0 27 12 +15 24 +
_AMP 10 4 4 2 22 19 +3 16 +
Great White Sharks 10 4 3 3 23 17 +6 15 +
Porvoo 10 4 1 5 22 18 +4 13 +
Cobra Cult 10 4 1 5 22 27 -5 13 +
Jay Cutter 10 3 2 5 17 23 -6 11 +
Starving Children 10 2 4 4 19 26 -7 10 +
Iuthia 10 2 2 6 16 26 -10 8 +

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 10 8 2 0 25 10 +15 26 +
Dark Outcasts (42) 10 6 1 3 24 18 +6 19 +
La Darien (36) 10 4 2 4 14 15 -1 14 +
Giant Zucchini (10) 10 4 1 5 17 16 +1 13 +
Northern Kings 10 3 4 3 20 20 0 13 +
Eauz 10 4 0 6 15 21 -6 12 +
Albion Soviets 10 2 2 6 19 26 -7 8 +
BK_Samurai 10 2 2 6 13 21 -8 8 +

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 10 9 0 1 28 10 +18 27 #
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 10 5 1 4 18 13 +5 16 +
Pure Evil (22) 10 4 2 4 20 19 +1 14 +
Nevershadow 10 4 2 4 19 21 -2 14 +
Futililia 10 4 1 5 18 25 -7 13 +
Communation 10 3 2 5 20 24 -4 11 +
Tha Machine 10 2 3 5 17 21 -4 9 +
VA Industrialized 10 2 3 5 16 23 -7 9 +

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 10 7 1 2 19 12 +7 22 +
Snub Nose 38 (20) 10 6 2 2 24 13 +11 20 +
Copiosa Scotia (50) 10 6 1 3 24 16 +8 19 +
Shaw Heath 10 4 1 5 13 20 -7 13 +
Benjibouti 10 3 2 5 22 21 +1 11 +
Whorecore 10 2 4 4 17 23 -6 10 +
Nova Polonia 10 1 5 4 20 27 -7 8 * +
Bubbasa the Great 10 2 2 6 15 22 -7 8 * +

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 10 7 2 1 17 6 +11 23 +
Ironchefk (9) 10 6 0 4 22 12 +10 18 +
Haraki (29) 10 4 3 3 19 13 +6 15 +
Bedistan (27) 10 4 3 3 16 12 +4 15 +
Aquilla 10 3 3 4 12 21 -9 12 +
Christofi (28) 10 2 4 4 13 19 -6 10 +
Alhana Catherine (48) 10 1 5 4 15 17 -2 8 +
The Midnight Armies 10 2 2 6 15 29 -14 8 +

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 10 6 3 1 23 11 +12 21 +
Malundar 10 5 3 2 20 16 +4 18 +
Dead Man (58) 10 4 2 4 19 16 +3 14 +
Pavesia 10 3 4 3 20 19 +1 13 +
Tiburon 10 4 1 5 11 16 -5 13 +
Tintinnabulation 10 4 1 5 19 25 -6 13 +
Vegemite 10 3 3 4 18 18 0 12 +
Aves 10 2 1 7 13 22 -9 7 +

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 10 5 4 1 20 11 +9 19 +
Dennisov (14) 10 4 5 1 19 11 +8 17 +
Ravenspire (24) 10 4 2 4 13 13 0 14 +
Busby 10 4 2 4 15 16 -1 14 +
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 10 3 4 3 16 16 0 13 +
Crimson Sparta 10 3 3 4 13 16 -3 12 +
Australian Marsupials 10 3 2 5 13 14 -1 11 +
Jurimaxistan 10 2 2 6 12 24 -12 8 +

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 10 5 4 1 30 21 +9 19 +
The Lowland Clans 10 5 2 3 26 21 +5 17 +
Dannland 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15 +
Chakra (70) 10 3 4 3 19 20 -1 13 +
Rave Shentavo 10 3 3 4 20 21 -1 12 +
Darkseed 10 3 2 5 20 22 -2 11 +
Lomina 10 3 2 5 18 21 -3 11 +
Avina 10 3 2 5 19 26 -7 11 +

*cannot reach second place
+still can qualify
#qualified[/code:1:a1b6f83a21]

Nooooooooooo... I lost a game!!! :lol: I was kinda getting used to this winning malarki!

DUM DUM DUMM!!

in our main news tonight:

"WORLD CUP NOT CORRUPT AFTER ALL"

Seeded teams are invariably covering the top few spots in their groups, so despite continuous, monotonous complaints, there seems to be absoloutely nothing wrong..... (:p)

"AUDIOSLAVIA WIN AGAIN"

again, 1-0. god this world cup is boring, we should be 5th and in need of 12 points from 12 at this point, wheres Squornshelous when you need him

Oh, they went on to become the new 'big thing' in world football, you know, the status we once had? except they went better and got straight into the quart..

yes yes ok ok i get it now

"BELMORE FAMILY LOSE!"

the lowly Nevershadow have handed TBF their first loss of the campaign with a 2-1 defeat of the corrupted rastards :D

"REPUBLIC OF THA MACHINE ALL BUT OUT"

Today's 3-1 defeat at the hands of Pure Evil mean that our neighbours have it all to do to qualify for their first world cup.

"THIRD PLACED TEAMS FEEL THE HEAT"
as it stands, the top 6 in this little league of teams in 3rd place of their group would progress to World Cup 6

[code:1:127f855c82]
Copiosa Scotia (50) 10 6 1 3 24 16 +8 19
Great White Sharks 10 4 3 3 23 17 +6 15
Haraki (29) 10 4 3 3 19 13 +6 15
Dannland 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15
Timway 10 4 3 3 22 22 0 15
Dead Man (58) 10 4 2 4 19 16 +3 14
Pure Evil (22) 10 4 2 4 20 19 +1 14
Ravenspire (24) 10 4 2 4 13 13 0 14
La Darien (36) 10 4 2 4 14 15 -1 14
[/code:1:127f855c82]

This means Pure Evil would be out...

this is true, i wouldnt wanna be around when that happens... anyway, this is Jeremy Jaffacake for Channel One news, doing something else. ta-ra

Why would other groups effect me going to the cup? The Top 3 or something from each go through and it doesn't matter what points they are on. It's only how you do in your group.

Why would other groups effect me going to the cup? The Top 3 or something from each go through and it doesn't matter what points they are on. It's only how you do in your group.

im afraid thats not true. look at the maths:

8 auto-qualifiers. subtract that from the 32 teams in the world cup and you are left with 24,

9 groups, top 2 from each group go through. 9x2 = 18

24-18 = 6

so only 6 more teams could get through. seing as there are 9 groups, not every team who finishes third can qualify. Its a common occurance tbh, i remember it happening in Italia 90.

Well those teams then Play each other. If not the other teams in the group have too much of an influence.

Simple.

btw PE, since when were you an older nation than me? i thought i remembered your country being founded in January, but it says you were made on the same day as me now, only with a higher population

Well those teams then Play each other. If not the other teams in the group have too much of an influence.

Simple.

its true

you = right

fifa = wrong

i was always this old.

besides, having a 9 team playoff where only 6 teams go through... hows that gonna work?

oooh, 3 groups of 3, top 2 go through...

maybe? i'll wait to Kingsford gets back so he can decide

besides, having a 9 team playoff where only 6 teams go through... hows that gonna work?

oooh, 3 groups of 3, top 2 go through...

maybe? i'll wait to Kingsford gets back so he can decide

Each person plays each team once and the 6 with most wins go through.

no way, too long. it has to be something quick tbh. the 3 groups of 3 might be shrt enough, but the best-team-in-third one is the accepted norm irl, despite being quite unfair because of the nature of groups 2 and 9.

no way, too long. it has to be something quick tbh. the 3 groups of 3 might be shrt enough, but the best-team-in-third one is the accepted norm irl, despite being quite unfair because of the nature of groups 2 and 9.

In anyway it's sloppy work my managment.

Ok - here's the thing. The Snub Nose 38 Legislature has taken a vote, and have authorized the Treasury to pay inordinately large sums of money, in any currency at all, for certain information.

Quohog...The Belmore Family... 9 played, 9 wins, no draws, no losses.

WHAT IS YOUR FLIPPIN' SECRET, EH?!?! :shock:

<OOC>Mebbe there's something wrong with my Mac. It is about 10 years old.

Scores coming up in 30 mins or so. I've been busy reading Errinundera, Snub Nose 38, and Tanah Burung's highly entertaining commentaries. :) to you all!</OOC>
OOC: So...this would mean 10 wins, and then back to "normal"?

well for once i agree with you :D *slaps Kingsford*

this wouldnt happen with Lemmy and I!

Press release from the Ellery Camp Football Club

As no other bids have been received, the Ellery Camp Football Club has cleared oreadest without a fee to the Lovefest University Football Club.

There are no conditions upon this clearance. The Lovefest University Football Club may use oreadest in any capacity they agree upon.

washingd
Convenor of the Ellery Camp Football Club
Mayor of Ellery Camp
Former spokesperson for oreadest

"WORLD CUP NOT CORRUPT AFTER ALL"

"AUDIOSLAVIA WIN AGAIN"


I'll let you make your own judgements :lol:

*there is no question about it, the tv is tuned to ASPN. but there is no picture. we do hear something, but not what one might expect from a sports news network. we hear a few loud popping sounds, followed by what might be some liquid being poured. there is a clanking, or clinking, or somesuch. and an odd bit of laughter. then suddenly there is a picture. we see the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages standing at a microphone, champagne glass in hand. behind him we can just see margaret, sitting on the lap of an aspn sports reporter. both appear to have had more than a little to drink. there is a paper banner hanging crookedly on the wall behind them, which reads in large scrawled crayon "Hooligans 4, Nova Polonia 3" and another that says "The Belmore Family Down, Quohog To Go!!". we hear a voice-over*

Ladies n Genelmen, the Minithter of Athlecits, Olympics, and Alcohiclic Beveragers.

...thing on? Oh. The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Oh-So-Alcoholicly-Wonderful Beverages wishes to apologize for an undelayable avoidance - um...unavoidable delay...in reporterage of todays quillification match. Due to technically difficultness, march coverings will be not now. Um...but...later.

We sinceril...sinseriousl...sincerimoniousl...really regret the delay. As soon as some of these guys sober up, we're gonna broadcast something.

*margaret gets up, and in some fashion walks in the direction of the minister*

- Hey!! You!! Can't say that. We have our reputations, ya know.

*margaret is brandishing a small leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it by a silver cord of some kind*

- Oh! Uh...technical difficulties...umm...later.

*the screen goes black again. we still hear the partying noises - until it is abruptly "covered" by the aspn sports theme*

OOC: Got a family thing to attend. Will RP game later. TB - We're getting closer!! And, I think we both need to watch CS. :wink:

Feature Interview from the Rodger River Examiner weekend supplement.

http://reachcanada.com/Uploads/MastHeadWebsite/MastHeadWebSite.4.gif

"POTOROO" COMES OF AGE

http://cafeandre.com/Test/womancover.jpg

In her second World Cup Campaign, young striker, longipesp, is now adding consistency to her undoubted abilities. With five spectacular goals, this young home-town hero, nick-named "Potoroo" after the national animal, is Errinundera's leading goal scorer for World Cup 6. Despite the fame that is now coming her way she retains the same grace and diffidence that charmed her Rodger River supporters. We caught up with longipesp upon her return from the WC6 qualifying match against LordSquall where the team lost 3-1.

RRE: Has it been a disappointing World Cup qualifying series?

longipesp: Not really. I think we have been overrated as 17th in the world. We got that rating purely on 3 games we played as part of the last 32 teams in WC5. We were probably one of the weaker teams out of the 32. Our scores in those 3 games were possibly flukey. Also, new teams can't be rated and, obviously, some of them are very good.

RRE: While on WC5 you're goal against Altamira in the qualifiers has been judged by many as the most spectacular of that series. Can you take us through it?

longipesp: I was one out against their keeper and somehow got myself and the ball past him and was able to score the goal.

RRE: For the benefit of any people who have not seen footage, longipesp leapt over the lunging goalie, landed with a very neat tumble roll, sprung up and scored. It's become a trade-mark of yours, these acrobatic goals. There was the elegant diving header against LordSquall early in the qualifiers; the death-defying slide through the pack of players against TnUI and the handstand goal against Mezitzia recently.

longipesp: I might've got that last one from gabriellen. That's not the way it's planned. It just happens that way. The oddest goal was in the fogged out game at Frosty Hollow. I didn't know I'd scored till after the game.

RRE: Another trademark feature of your game is the timing of your goals. Your 7 goals in the World Cups have been scored in the following minutes: 10, 83, 44, 86, 55, 75, 70. And this is in a team that does the bulk of its scoring in the first half.

longipesp: I'm small and not very strong. But I am much fitter than than almost everybody else in the side.

RRE: What's been the most memorable moment for you in the World Cups?

longipesp: Undoubtedly qualifying in Tanah Burung and then giving a reasonable account of ourselves in the final 32 with a 1-1-1 record. It was all over far too soon. The Tanahs are such wonderful people. Of all the nations we've visited or played they are the ones we've all felt most at home with.

RRE: Travelling's been a problem for the team, hasn't it?

longipesp: Some of the trips abroad have been horrible, especially Mezitzia and Quohog. Both places were terrifying. Mezitzia with it's fundamentalist and militaristic population and Quohog with it's customs officials.

RRE: What was the book of yours they found?

longipesp: The New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism. This bully of a customs official told me I was lucky I was a famous soccer star and a foreign national or they would have dealt with me severely. Then their national leader announced that Errinundera was a rogue nation and a member of the axis of evil. They can keep their shopping centres and fizzy drinks.

RRE: Of course the scandal with antarcticad and oreadest must have upset the side.

longipesp: Terribly. The Ellery Camp magistrates summed it up pretty well. Apart from that, so much stupid stuff has been written about the affair that I will only say that it's great to have antarcticad back and we already miss oreadest terribly.

RRE: Tomorrow you're playing for Rodger River against Fanny Moo. Hows it going to go?

longipesp: I expect that, as usual, Fanny Moo will play sandrab against me. I don't have a good record against her. She is very astute and knows my play extremely well. Nevertheless I'll be going all out to do well.

RRE: Your Rodger River teammate, regnanse or stump as the Tanahs called him, how's he going?

longipesp: a superstar in the domestic competition but has struggled at an international level. I think he is overwhelmed by having a goalkeeper as the team captain and coach.

RRE: Finally, your predictions for the team in the World Cup.

longipesp: Certainly it will be difficult to qualify but it is definitely in our own hands. The national side has a great future. So many of the players are under 25: antarcticad is 23, so am I, firset is 20, adealbata 22, melanoxylona 22, joyhilla 20, rhusband 19, delegatensise 24, regnanse 24 and snapier 18. We'll be around for a few years yet.

[code:1:0d794644b9]
Game Team Rank Date Result
1 @ Squornshelous 5 March 15 1-0(W)
2 @ Kaze Progressa 100 March 22 2-1(W)
3 @ Oglethorpia 13 March 29 2-1(L)
4 @ Gilmeecia 100 April 5 7-0(W)
5 @ Svecia 2 April 12 0-2(L)
6 @ Europa Britannia 4 April 19
7 @ Tanah Burung 8 April 26
8 @ Total n Utter Insanity 7 May 3
9 @ Marauding FC ?? May 8
10 @ Errinundera 17 May 15
11 @ Byrana FC ?? May 20
12 @ Kingsford 51 May 24
[/code:1:0d794644b9]

After the Brazillico writer who published the fraudulant result for the Oglethorpia game was beaten, fired and then beaten again, Brazillico resumed its World Tour in a match against Gilmeecia, which resulted in a 7-0 severe thrashing of the home side. Afterwards, Brazillico headed off to Svecia, in a clash between the two top teams in the world and rematch of last cup's semi-final, where Brazillico left victorious once again, beating the Svecians 2-0.

OOC: Sorry again, I only read what i want to see

OOC: Did you beat Svecia? I should write these scores down. Also what do I use for the ??s.

DAILY CROCODILE

The Crocs partied late after their thorough thrashing of Snub Nose 38. Copious amounts of liquor (and, we suspect, someone had spiked the vegetable stew) were consumed before the road trip to Copiosa Scotia. The capacious blimp yawned half-empty with groaning players who lacked the capacity to hold their booze.

With goaltender da Gama too ill to move and back-up Gamboa fired after the Crocs' last loss, no one was left to play goal, and blimp navigator Vasco was pressed into service. Vasco had some trouble finding Copiosa Scotia but finally managed to zero in on the one of the country's dollar-shaped beacons. He had even more trouble making saves, as the Scotians piled on three goals.

As play began, a grumpy and frustrated Francisco was red-carded for shoving a C.S. defender who allegedly made a comment about his mother. The team staggered about blindly for a little over 90 minutes, some of them apparently unclear about which direction they should be trying to move the ball.

Copiosa Scotia, for their part, played a textbook-perfect game. "We thought it was all about us and Snub Nose 20," said coach Bi Kikere. "It looks like we'll have to watch out for Copiosa Scotia as well. This group is maybe not such a sure thing as we thought. But I hang my head in shame after today's fiasco. I am suspending myself for one game as punishment."

Final score: Copiosa Scotia 3 Tanah Burung 0

OOC: What do people think about setting up some kind of thread for our domestic football, where we can post some matches from our Premier leagues, conduct transfers, rumours and news etc. would lend alot more RP for WC and CL threads becuase we could "develop" our national team. It would be more of a RP based thread, and wouldn't really require number generations becuase the results don't matter to anyone. Its just a suggestion and another way to expand on the WC?)

Today Brittania brought The Current World Champions only their second defeat of their world tour thus far, with a comfortable 3-1 victory at New Providence Park.

almost Seventy thousand turned fans filled out FC Atlantis's home ground to witness Brittania, Seeded Number Four in the World take on the current World Champions.

Having only faced each other a handful of times previously, and having defeated them previously also, the stage was set for a hellacious match.


Brittania lined up 4-3-3, a suprise to many frankly, a radical departure from the conservative 3-5-2 formation normally employed. In addition some familiar faces were missing from the senior squad, though it soon become apparent how wise a choice this was.


-----------------------------------Reeves------------------------------------




Jones--------------O'Hanrahan---------------Cannon-----------------Stacey





---------------------Junnon------McHilton------Lhorimer--------------------




---------------------Winter--------Lionel---------Zurich----------------------

The strange formation employed was explained during a live-pre-kick off interview with Jarvis-

We've played three at the back for almost four years now, and I've come to realise thats extremely inflexible. I have struggled greatly to put together a back three that can combat the brilliant ability of the Forwards that play internationally. I have come to the conclusion that a back four will relieve much of the stress, and also prove far more solid.

I also felt that the midfield was simply to cluttered, with five players it soon became apparent that passing was comprimised, my decsion to cut out the wide men is risky, however the back four will compensate, with my RCB and LCB making extended runs.

Finally, my striking options have always been David [Winter] & Andrew [Zurich]. How could anyone argue against this? However it soon became apparent that other young forwards were coming through, and being denied a chance. This formation gives me all the options I could want up front. With David already having scored five goals in the Champions League for Khandrias, and Andrew scoring also for Atlantis, I decided to give young Lionel a chance. He plays in many ways much like Andrew [Zurich] but he has that extra burst of pace that the former does not."

The match was a highly slick affair, both teams playing for pride. However the class of the World Champions was apparent, and quickly realised when Reeves was forced to tip an ambitious twenty yard drive out for a corner.

None were too suprised when Brazillico took the lead, some neat link up play in the midfield, and the inexperience of CB O'hanrahan allowing Reeves to be rounded for Brazillico's first.

Brittania hit back, with Andrew Zurich smashing an attempt off the bar at twenty four minutes.

The drawbacks of the experimental Brittanian line up were becoming apparent, with Brazillico enjoying great space on the wings, and much time on the ball there. However the back four did a good job of limiting the amount of successful crosses.

David Winters broke the duck on half time, with a furious haf volley that left his teammates- and the Brazillico keeper rooted to the spot as it slammed into the netting.

The Brittanian line up contained only one change from the team had that had seen out the first forty five level- with Reeves coming off for Substitute Keeper Mikel Hansen.

The World Champions came out hungry, and had appeals for a penalty turned away as Hansen untidley took down a player clean through on goal. Cautions were handed out as tempers began to raise slightly, with each team playing excellent football and nullifiying the other's offensives.

A Brittanian corner in the fifty first minute seemed innoculous enough, however a peice of excellent football by Lhitomer, who back headed the ball away from goal towards Zurich allowed the Maruading FC Forward to Bullet a header into goal, giving Brittania the lead.

Brazillico huffed and puffed, and managed to score an equaliser, a long ball being caught and volleyed past Hansen declared offside.

The World Champions were stunned into silence on Seventy Minutes, when Young Lionel managed to elude the increadingly heavy slide tackles of a disbelieving Brazillico Defence to calmly go one-on-one with the keeper. As he rushed from his line, Lionel cheekily chipped the shot stopper to double Brittania's lead.

The game continued at a fast pace, and a Brazillico comeback seemed certain when a rash challenge from Hansen took down a the Brazillico Forward. This time the referee did not look kindly on it and awarded a spot kick, handing Hansen a yellow card in addition.

The erratic Young Keeper redeemed himself ten seconds later, diving high to the right to tip away the resulting Penalty Kick.

FINAL SCORE-

EUROPA BRITTANIA 3 BRAZILLICO 1
Winter 45, Zurich 51 Lionel 70

"WORLD CUP NOT CORRUPT AFTER ALL"

"AUDIOSLAVIA WIN AGAIN"


I'll let you make your own judgements :lol:

:lol:

damn :)

I beat Haraki Again!

hey lemmy...Mel and clem gone? :cry:

A certain rowdy and mischievous bunch of players have been keeping an awfully low profile this World Cup. Is it the slight change in roster? Is it the new locale? Is it the promise that the hotel would have them thrown out if they caused the slightest disturbance? (No. It's real life. Sorry for my long absense.) All that is known for sure is that the longer Team Goofball goes without drawing attention to themselves, the more nervous insurance adjustors become.

[OOC: Sorry I didn't get this up earlier; I've had to deal with a 12-hour power outage today. Not fun, believe me.]

Lions Run Away with Victory over Moose

The Runaway Moose national football team had certainly been living up to its name so far in WC6 qualifying, running away with Group 6. Going into their tenth qualifying match, their 7-2-0 record was unparalleled in the group.

Until the Lions took revenge.

Earlier in the tournament, Alces Rex had delivered a 3-0 thrashing to the Bedistani team at home. Yesterday the Lions decided to take it back to them. They continuously attacked the Runaway Moose goal, coming up with no fewer than 13 shots. Their keeper easily deflected most of them, but forward Jeff Whitehurst finally managed to get one by in the 50th minute. Coach Parker immediately switched to a defense-oriented setup, giving new player Brett Williams another chance to play, and the Runaway Moose side simply could not get a goal past Olivia Bream, who perhaps played better in this game than she had at any other point in her career.

Much rejoicing was done when the final whistle sounded and Bedistan's 1-0 victory became official. This makes four victories in a row for the Lions, who have worked their way from last place in the group all the way to fourth, where they trail third-place Haraki by a goal differential (Haraki's +6 to Bedistan's +4).

"Luck and fortune have decidedly returned to us," commented the coach afterward.

Final score:
Runaway Moose 0
Bedistan 1 (Whitehurst 50)

Quohog's Information Minister Baanes Dosti spoke out against recent allegations against Quohog's conduct so far in the WC6 qualifications: "In regards to the charge that Quohog has somehow had to buy their success, I find myself insulted on my nation's behalf. We have a long football tradition which goes back to before the first World Cup. Our team is now filled with the second and third generations after our legendary World Cup I team, and the entire nation has dedicated its resources to winning the World Cup. Furthermore, the money transfer which Total n Utter Insanity obtained was an obvious fake. No government money has EVER left the country, and we would allow a selected group of officials to check our budget to verify that.

In response to Errinundera's complaints about their visit to our fair country, we can offer no explanation. We would suggest that the official who approached longipesp was acting on his own. The New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism is actually required reading in Quohog which has never had a banned book list. Of course, if anyone actually attempted to follow any of the ideas in the book... But on a happier note, we are certain that following an investigation, the custom official will be found guilty and handed over to Errinundera for whatever punishment they deem fit.

Hopefully, these little waves can now be ignored and people can sit back and enjoy the great football which is taking place. We are honored that our team has already qualified for World Cup 6. I'm sure that they will continue to do well as the show the world their abilities. This ten-game winning streak is the second longest in our nation's history, lets hope it can reach the legendary 16 game winning streak compiled shortly before World Cup II. Lets also hope that Quohog can return to prominence in the eyes of the international footballing community. Thank you, that will be all."

Following the interview, a tribunal found the customs official guilty. He was sent off to Errinundera, and his family up to his third cousins were put to death.

Match day 11 results

Group 1
TnUI 0 Mezitzia 1
Liverpool England 2 Errinundera 1
Timway 3 LordSquall 2
Quohog 3 Hegemonia Polska 1

Group 2
Porvoo 1 Starving Children 4
Iuthia 3 Great White Sharks 5
_AMP 1 Cobra Cult 3
Jay Cutter 3 Audioslavia 2

Group 3
Oglethorpia 4 BK_Samurai 1
Northern Kings 2 La Darien 2
Giant Zucchini 1 Dark Outcasts 2
Albion Soviets 2 Eauz 1

Group 4
Communation 2 Nevershadow 3
Pure Evil 1 Lunatic Goofballs 2
Tha Machine 1 Futililia 3
The Belmore Family 3 VA Industrialized 1

Group 5
Nova Polonia 3 Whorecore 2
Copiosa Scotia 3 Benjibouti 2
Tanah Burung 1 Shaw Heath 1
Bubbasa the Great 0 Snub Nose 38 5

Group 6
The Midnight Armies 2 Alhana Catherine 3
Aquilla 1 Runaway Moose 3
Haraki 0 Bedistan 2
Christofi 1 Ironchefk 2

Group 7
Aves 2 Tintinnabulation 0
Tiburon 1 Vegemite 2
Halfassedstates 5 Dead Man 2
Malundar 5 Pavesia 3

Group 8
Dennisov 1 Ravenspire 3
Jurimaxistan 1 Busby 3
Australian Marsupials 1 Gesamkuntswerk 2
One Red Dot 2 Crimson Sparta 1

Group 9
The Lowland Clans 1 Avina 4
Akbarland 1 Chakra 1
Lomina 0 Rave Shentavo 2
Dannland 3 Darkseed 0

Oh come on, Mezitzia did the double over us, bah

Mel and clem gone? :cry:


The Lemmitanian Footballing Ministry had this to say in response to the Aquillan Sporting Agency's inquiry:

By no means. Once Gil gets back from Gilmeecia, they will be finishing their "introducing the WC6 Lemmings" broadcast.

We thank you for your support.

Following the interview, a tribunal found the customs official guilty. He was sent off to Errinundera, and his family up to his third cousins were put to death.

Oh, that's going to make the Errinundrians real happy. Oh yeah.

<OOC>Speaking of Errinundera, I've been noticing pix of Errinundrians in recent posts. And maybe it's just me, but I'm a bit shocked to learn they're not a nation of Sasquatch. Have those pix been altered? Or do they look different from the neck down?</OOC>

Oh come on, Mezitzia did the double over us, bah

Must be an error. Somebody get Lemmy on the phone.

Somebody get Lemmy on the phone.

"Hello?... Yeah, that's right. Mezitzia, 2-1... Oh, well, you see, TnUI's cheque bounced." :wink:

Damn why did I buy all those nukes for AS :lol:

Okay, it's been 20 minutes since I posted the scores. Where the hell's Bedistan with the tables?!

Damn why did I buy all those nukes for AS :lol:

What, pointy sticks not good enough for you any more? Tell you what. I'll trade you seven bins of Gilmeecian rats for the nukes. Then you can sell the rats on the open market. Trust me, you'll get a good price for them. Then you can get back to properly bribing the Random Number Gods.

[code:1:fd5c2546a4]
Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog 11 11 0 0 37 10 +27 33
Total n Utter Insanity 11 7 1 3 24 11 +13 22
Timway 11 5 3 3 25 24 +1 18
Errinundera 11 3 4 4 18 17 +1 13
Liverpool England 11 3 3 5 17 20 -3 12
Mezitzia 11 3 2 6 13 17 -4 11
LordSquall 11 3 2 6 20 31 -11 11
Hegemonia Polska 11 1 1 9 13 37 -24 4
[/code:1:fd5c2546a4]

I think that's right.

Left to play:
Match12: Errinundera (17) HOME
Match13: Timway AWAY
Match14: Quohog (25) AWAY

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini slinks back into its slump, losing 2 matches in a row. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "The situation is returning, now worse than ever, because there are so few matches left. We'll just have to try harder."

From this mornings "Scuttlebutt"

"The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 today announced the firing of the entire ASPN staff. As they left the ASPN studio, the staff were arrested on charges of Public Intoxication, Disorderly Conduct, and Being A General Embarrassment To The Nation. A source from The Ministry of Justice leaked information to the effect that they have all been transported in exile to the Isle of Elba, with whatever family members could be rounded up. The Minister of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages and his secretary, Margaret, were also on the transport to Elba, but were taken off at the last minute when the result of todays match against Bubbasa The Great was released."

*scene - night, outside the studios of ASPN. margaret, and the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages can be seen standing there, looking at the building. they can be seen courtesy of the light provided by the fact that the ASPN Studios are burning. the remington county fire department is there, to ensure the studio burns to the ground without any damage to neighboring structures. the minister of health, mining, and obscure rituals is also standing by with several large cases of salt. these will be plowed into the ground once the burning is over, by order of TGCICOSFTBOSN38. nothing will ever be built here again - nothing will be allowed to grow.*

- ...did promise to build a new studio, sir.
- That's all well and good, Margaret, but it can't be done in a day. Once we do hire a new staff, where are they going to report FROM?
- We could use the gym down at the "Y", Minister.
- Oh, THAT will look professional!
- It will look a lot more professional than we looked yesterday.
- Still, all the equipment was in there. The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 ordered the burning before we could get anything out. Even if we use the "Y", we can't broadcast without equipment.
- We can borrow stuff from Sten University's College of Journalism and Communication. Listen, I'm just glad we're not halfway to Elba.
- Oh, he wouldn't have let us...
- Do you honestly think that if the Hooligans hadn’t won today, you and I wouldn’t be on our way to Elba?
- Uh…Margaret, you better get your little pouch and start supplicating the flippin’ random number gods.
- Hey, bud, are you the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages?
- Why do you ask?
- I have a message for the Minister. You him?
- What message?
- The Guy Currently In Charge blah blah blah pulled strings, pushed people, called in favors, you name it, and the new ASPN Studios are ready.
- Well, then, I am the Minister of Athletics, Olymp…
- Can it. The new studios are your old office. Your new office is in the basement. I’m also supposed to tell you that the new staff has been hired, and something about “tell Margaret her little pouch better keep working.”

*****THIS IS AN ASPN WORLD CUP 6 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*we’re in the “new” new ASPN studio. the ASPN theme is being played – it sounds like a scratchy copy on an old victrola. we see the usual four magnificent goals, two beautiful save, etcetera beneath the superimposed logos of WC6 and ASPN. we see a lot of blue table cloths covering a multitude of things.*

We open today’s coverage with an apology from ASPN and The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for yesterdays’ broadcast, and our complete failure to cover yesterdays’ exciting match between Nova Polonia and Snub Nose 38. The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans won the match, 4 to 3. It was a fabulous match, with Nova Polonia putting up an excellent showing and the lead changing hands several times. we will close today’s show with some of the highlights of that match.

Today the entire Nation of Snub Nose 38 is celebrating. The Hooligans won their eleventh qualifying match, against Bubbasa The Great, bringing their record to 7 wins, 2 draws and 2 losses. This is the best record in Group 5 to date, tied with Tanah Burung. On Goal Differentials, Snub Nose 38 is plus 16 and Tanah Burung is plus 7. The Hooligans are in first place again.

*we see scenes of celebration throughout the land. children are eating lollipops and ice cream sundaes with big smiles and Hooligans Hats. there is, literally, dancing in the streets. we see the guy currently in charge of stuff for the borderlands of snub nose 38 throwing vodka gimlets (the national currency) from a balcony to the crowd below. bands are playing. flags are waving. political prisoners are being released.*

Group 5 is an interesting group. After todays results, four of the sides have been mathematically eliminated – Bubbasa The Great, Nova Polonia, Whorecore, and Benjibouti – while the other four sides are in a very tight race with no one yet sure of going through and only three more matches to play. Snub Nose 38, with 23 points, leads as we said by goal differential. Tanah Burung is in second with 23 points. Copiosa Scotia, after a couple of very nice matches, is third with 22 points, and Shaw Heath, in fourth with 14 points, still could take it all if they win all three final matches and post a LOT of goals.

In todays match Bubbasa the Great got off to a rocky start. In the third minute a Bubbasa defender was forced to make a “professional foul” which was unfortunately just inside the box. The Bubbasa player was red carded, and the Hooligans coverted the PK for the first goal.

*we see the foul committed, the player evicted, the pk scored. it’s sweet*

Bubbasa, now down 1 to 0 with only 10 players for the remainder of the match, was just never able to recover. They played valiantly, but the Hooligans were able to take advantage of the one man advantage twice in the first half – in the 27th minute and the 39th minute – with these two nice goals against a brilliant defensive effort by Bubbasa.

*two nice goals, against brilliant defense, folks.*

At the half, 3 – 0 Hooligans.

*we see the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders, barred from entry to the game, in the parking lot. They’re playing to the crowd out there and the ASPN camera. They are – well, they are as insulting and nasty as ever.*

“Bubbasa, Bubbasa, they’re not so great
The Hooligans’ll pound ‘em at any rate
Snub Nose Hooligans take the pitch
They’ll toss Bubbasa into a ditch
Bubbasa – ”

*at this point the small crowd in the parking lot is fed up, and, as is traditional, pelt the hooligan cheerleaders with vegetable. however, they’re using potatoes, carrots, radishes, onions – all a little green and VERY hard. the cheerleaders, without their traditional flack vests, are not up to it, and begin to run. the crowd, smelling fear, takes off after them. we last see them rounding a corner about two blocks away, ditching all their equipment as they go, the crowd still chucking veggies and hot on their tail.*

The Sheriff of Remington County has a search party out looking for the Hooligan Cheerleaders. If anyone spots them, please contact the Sheriffs Office using the 911 emergency number.

The second half was no better for Bubbasa The Great. They were able to hold the Hooligans to no score for the first 23 minutes, but then a second Bubbasa player was red carded – we think unfairly – see for yourself.

*a bubbasa player is seen shoulder to shoulder with a hooligan player. the hooligan falls, seeming to trip over his own feet. the referee shows the bubbasa player the yellow, and the bubbasa player starts shouting (we can’t make out what) at the ref. the ref pulls out the red.*

After that, with Bubbasa down to 9, the Hooligans were able to score twice more – once in the 80th minute, and once in the 89th minute.

Final score: BUBBASA THE GREAT 0 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 5.

And, now, as we promised, highlights from yesterdays match with Nova Polonia.

*we see – highlights. they’re very nice.*

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 6 SPECIAL REPORT*****

Jay Cutter 3 Audioslavia 2 :cry:

TnUI 0 Mezitzia 1 :lol:

Tha Machine 1 Futililia 3 :cry:

Pure Evil 1 Lunatic Goofballs 2 :lol:

From a snippet of a Top Secret document somehow smuggled out of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

...team into Quohog. Infiltrate, and find a way to undermine the side without being discovered. 11 - 0 - 0. They must be stopped. Some recommendations of the committee were; poison, "accidents", slipping them illegal medications before the "p" test, going to...

:wink:

Very few opponents underestimate Goofballian prowess more than Once. Pure Evil is a worth adversary, but they know where the bear does his business in the buckwheat!

(This post had absolutely NO purpose whatsoever)

"WERE STILL ALIVE!" Players were heaard shoutig over the roar of the crowd after their 2nd miraculous victory of Total n Utter Insanity.
The team started off well at 2-2-1, But 5 straight losses have knocked them down to second from last. Wih his new win, the Mezitzins have 11 points in their group.

"What we are aiming for now," Says captain Zack Stillings, who happened to score the game winner, "Is to d as well as we can, hoping for some kind of ranking for the next world cup. We would like to be able to advance, but if that isnt possible, I think two wins against a seventh ranked team should put our nation on the map."

From the last page of the sports pages of today's "Scuttlebutt", we learn that Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan National Football side, and Eileen Dover, Defensive Coach, today sent a rather cryptic message to the Manager of the Tanah Burung Crocodiles, Mau Kiri Rai.

They sent a single raspberry.

:wink:

Very few opponents underestimate Goofballian prowess more than Once. Pure Evil is a worth adversary, but they know where the bear does his business in the buckwheat!

(This post had absolutely NO purpose whatsoever)

Good to see the Goofballs back again!

Now, where has Runaway Moose gone off to?

i think he's run away......

*commits sepuku*

I can't wait till WC7. This looks like so much fun. I love football, and have noticed that there's some high quality RPing going on with the nations involved in this. Hmmm, I'm getting exited. You guys are doing some great work here, congrats! :wink:

Natasha

Very few opponents underestimate Goofballian prowess more than Once. Pure Evil is a worth adversary, but they know where the bear does his business in the buckwheat!

(This post had absolutely NO purpose whatsoever)

Good to see the Goofballs back again!

Now, where has Runaway Moose gone off to?

i think he's run away......

*commits sepuku*

The Runaway Moose is currently acting in the capacity of camp counselor at a Summer Theater Camp for kids. Moose, an immediate decendent of mine, is basically without access to such amenities as computers, telephones, etc. The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages has been tasked (and is doing a fair job) with keeping Runaway Moose informed of the progress of both WC6 and Alces Rex. Moose Management is, to state the obvious, pleased. While we here at SN38 have been given "Power of Attorney" over Runaway Moose in the Mooses absence, we have been hesitant to take too much advantage of same.

But, the Moose is pleased, and will return - possibly in time for some/all of WC7.

EDIT: Umm...OOC?

I can't wait till WC7. This looks like so much fun. I love football, and have noticed that there's some high quality RPing going on with the nations involved in this. Hmmm, I'm getting exited. You guys are doing some great work here, congrats! :wink:

Natasha

While this absolutely MUST be asked (especially on behalf of some of us who are older than others), I also MUST apologize in advance.

hmmm...natasha. is boris with you? 8)

No, zat damn moose finally took him over ze deep end. :x

*commits sepuku*

*does his happy dance*

No, zat damn moose finally took him over ze deep end. :x

Hee hee hee! Moose... Natasha... Boris. Someone send for Rocket J. Squirrel!

*commits sepuku*I thinks its spelling is seppuku..

AS is spellingly challenged.

It's the English Education, u cann't speel knowthing write or talk proper.

[OOC: Whoa, we beat Dennisov. I guess I really do get the upsets. Too bad about the loss to ORD. 8)

Will have to write up a post later, though... no time now.]

Okay, it's been 20 minutes since I posted the scores. Where the hell's Bedistan with the tables?!

Bedistan's player was in bed at 9:00 this morning. :lol:

Tables will be arriving shortly ;)

Current Standings After Matchday Eleven

[code:1:4b190d653c]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 11 11 0 0 37 10 +27 33
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 11 7 1 3 24 11 +13 22
Timway 11 5 3 3 25 24 +1 18
Errinundera (17) 11 3 4 4 18 17 +1 13
Liverpool England 11 3 3 5 17 20 -3 12
Mezitzia 11 3 2 6 13 17 -4 11
LordSquall 11 3 2 6 20 31 -11 11
Hegemonia Polska 11 1 1 9 13 37 -24 4

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 11 7 3 1 29 15 +14 24
Great White Sharks 11 5 3 3 28 20 +8 18
_AMP 11 4 4 3 23 22 +1 16
Cobra Cult 11 5 1 5 25 28 -3 16
Jay Cutter 11 4 2 5 20 25 -5 14
Porvoo 11 4 1 6 23 22 +1 13
Starving Children 11 3 4 4 23 27 -4 13
Iuthia 11 2 2 7 19 31 -12 8

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 11 9 2 0 29 11 +18 29
Dark Outcasts (42) 11 7 1 3 26 19 +7 22
La Darien (36) 11 4 3 4 16 17 -1 15
Northern Kings 11 3 5 3 22 22 0 14
Giant Zucchini (10) 11 4 1 6 18 18 0 13
Eauz 11 4 0 7 16 23 -7 12
Albion Soviets 11 3 2 6 21 27 -6 11
BK_Samurai 11 2 2 7 14 25 -11 8

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 11 10 0 1 31 11 +20 30
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 11 6 1 4 20 14 +6 19
Nevershadow 11 5 2 4 22 23 -1 17
Futililia 11 5 1 5 21 26 -5 16
Pure Evil (22) 11 4 2 5 21 21 0 14
Communation 11 3 2 6 22 27 -5 11
Tha Machine 11 2 3 6 18 24 -6 9
VA Industrialized 11 2 3 6 17 26 -9 9

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (20) 11 7 2 2 29 13 +16 23
Tanah Burung (8) 11 7 2 2 20 13 +7 23
Copiosa Scotia (50) 11 7 1 3 27 18 +9 22
Shaw Heath 11 4 2 5 14 21 -7 14
Benjibouti 11 3 2 6 24 24 0 11
Nova Polonia 11 2 5 4 23 29 -6 11
Whorecore 11 2 4 5 19 26 -7 10
Bubbasa the Great 11 2 2 7 15 27 -12 8

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 11 8 2 1 20 7 +13 26
Ironchefk (9) 11 7 0 4 24 13 +11 21
Bedistan (27) 11 5 3 3 18 12 +6 18
Haraki (29) 11 4 3 4 19 15 +4 15
Aquilla 11 3 3 5 13 24 -11 12
Alhana Catherine (48) 11 2 5 4 18 19 -1 11
Christofi (28) 11 2 4 5 14 21 -7 10
The Midnight Armies 11 2 2 7 17 32 -15 8

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 11 7 3 1 28 13 +15 24
Malundar 11 6 3 2 25 19 +6 21
Vegemite 11 4 3 4 20 19 +1 15
Dead Man (58) 11 4 2 5 21 21 0 14
Pavesia 11 3 4 4 23 24 -1 13
Tiburon 11 5 1 5 12 18 -6 13
Tintinnabulation 11 4 1 6 19 27 -8 13
Aves 11 3 1 7 15 22 -7 10

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 11 6 4 1 22 12 +10 22
Dennisov (14) 11 4 5 2 20 14 +6 17
Ravenspire (24) 11 5 2 4 16 14 +2 17
Busby 11 5 2 4 18 17 +1 17
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 11 4 4 3 18 17 +1 16
Crimson Sparta 11 3 3 5 14 18 -4 12
Australian Marsupials 11 3 2 6 14 16 -2 11
Jurimaxistan 11 2 2 7 13 27 -14 8

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 11 5 5 1 31 22 +9 20
Dannland 11 5 3 3 25 22 +3 18
The Lowland Clans 11 5 2 4 27 25 +2 17
Rave Shentavo 11 4 3 4 22 21 +1 15
Chakra (70) 11 3 5 3 20 21 -1 14
Avina 11 4 2 5 23 27 -4 14
Darkseed 11 3 2 6 20 25 -5 11
Lomina 11 3 2 6 18 23 -5 11[/code:1:4b190d653c]

Teams qualified:
Quohog (25)
Oglethorpia (13)
The Belmore Family (47)

Teams eliminated:
Hegemonia Polska
Benjibouti
Nova Polonia
Whorecore
Bubbasa the Great
The Midnight Armies

[code:1:4b190d653c]Third Place Standings P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 11 7 1 3 27 18 +9 22
Bedistan (27) 11 5 3 3 18 12 +6 18
Timway 11 5 3 3 25 24 +1 18
The Lowland Clans 11 5 2 4 27 25 +2 17
Ravenspire (24) 11 5 2 4 16 14 +2 17
Nevershadow 11 5 2 4 22 23 -1 17
_AMP 11 4 4 3 23 22 +1 16
Vegemite 11 4 3 4 20 19 +1 15
La Darien (36) 11 4 3 4 16 17 -1 15[/code:1:4b190d653c]

[code:1:9c1ac720a1]
Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 11 7 2 2 20 13 +7 23
Snub Nose 38 (20) 11 7 2 2 29 13 +16 23
[/code:1:9c1ac720a1]

Hmmm

[code:1:ed1df14d56]
Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 11 7 2 2 20 13 +7 23
Snub Nose 38 (20) 11 7 2 2 29 13 +16 23
[/code:1:ed1df14d56]

Hmmm
*the dark, dank offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister sits on a folding chair behind a card table. he is lit by a 60 watt light bulb hanging from the ceiling.*
- Margaret!
*no answer*
- Margaret!!
*margaret comes into the light, carrying a small leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it in one hand, and a rubber chicken in the other*
- I just can't do this with a bloody rubber chicken. I need a real chicken!
- Oh, poo. With the budget cuts, we can't afford a live chicken for every match. You can use the rubber chicken over and over again.
- But it doesn't WORK!
- Poo. Listen, send a thank you note and a crate of gifts to Total n Utter Insanity. Tell 'em to give the stuff to whoever pointed out the Group 5 error in the Bedistanian Tables.
- We can afford gifts for them, but I have to use a rubber chicken?
- Exactly.
:wink:

Minister Denies Allegations of Bribery After Fifth Straight Win

Haraki was the latest victim of the Bedistani World Cup hot streak, falling 2-0 to the home team at Holmes Stadium (which is now sometimes referred to as the "Hungry Lion's Cage"). Sierra and Lewis scored the two goals for the home team, which has now outscored its opponents thirteen goals to one in the last five games.

The victory over Haraki pushed the Bedistani team into third place in the Group 6 standings and second out of the nine teams currently ranked third in their group.

Meanwhile, Secretary of Sports and Games Stephen Rogers, who is already under investigation in the case of a Gilmeecian man who stole thousands of appendices from unsuspecting passersby, today denied claims of bribery to produce favorable World Cup results. "I assure you," he said, "no money has exchanged hands between Bedistan and Lemmitania. And besides, what would that have to do with anything anyway? Kingsford and Spaam are hosting the Cup. Stop trying to accuse me of something that would accomplish nothing in the first place."

In other news, an unidentified Bedistani statistician was sacked by the Department of Sports and Games. Preliminary questioning showed that he had possibly been bribed by an unknown official from Tanah Burung to make it appear as though their team was ranked ahead of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans in Group 5. In fact, it has been determined that the whole staff of the DSG is about to be downsized considerably due to budget cuts [OOC: lack of time beginning tomorrow].

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Lewis 11, Sierra 40)
Haraki 0

OOC: Who cares? Quohog have won 11 out of 11! Unless we defeat them I shall be forced to take action.

OOC: Who cares? Quohog have won 11 out of 11! Unless we defeat them I shall be forced to take action.

OOC: What sort of action are you threatening? I found it annoying in the early World Cups, my team would always sweep the group stage, then be defeated by the next team we faced (WCII and WCIII). Which means, at least to me, that luck will only take you to a point. It has helped me to 11 wins, most against unranked teams and past you, but whether that will hold in the actual cup is what I want to know. After all, any randomized system depends partially on chance, it has to if it wants to have some unpredicted scores. We'll see how long it lasts. (I'm hoping it will take me through until late in the cup)

aww man... i missed it again.. i was in 2 and 3 and i haven't been in since.. someone tell me when 7 is

Mau Kiri Rai sits in his office, considering new sports that the country might take up on a whim and dominate (hey Gilmeecia, when's the piercing final? :wink: ) A package arrives, from the authorities in Snub Nose 38. Interesting. He opens it.

A single raspberry falls out and rolls to the floor.

The minister is not known for his sense of humour. His brow clouds. All is not going according to plan.

He dictates a reply, gruffly. "Comrades. The battle is not yet over. We shall fight on, as we always have. We shall resist your comeback as we resisted the colonialists. To resist is to win! Yours in struggle, Mau Kiri Rai."

Bi Kikere interceps the letter and adds a PS: "Anyway, i think our games against each other show who's the better team. Shall i remind you of those results? I'd be happy to! Game one: Tanah Burung won. Game two: Tanah Burung won. Number of times Snub Nose 20 has defeated Tanah Burung in the history of football: why, none at all! Thanks for playing, darlings."

(How many pages since i said i had no rivalries? Scratch that thought.)

Head Coach Lauren Silko spoke to reporters shortly after Quohog's game against Hegemonia Polska in which Quohog won 3-1: "I think that our performance to date has shown how our football program needs to adapt in order to stay competitive. Longtime headcoach Sui Generis brought Quohog football to prominence, but he was never able to change the way he coached. He believed in a much more rigid structure in which most plays were worked out ahead of time. He frowned upon a player using his or her instincts to create plays, except in his forwards.

I've allowed more fluid motion in both our defenders and midfielders. We have a fairly young group of extremely talented players. I have left a lot up to them. Our older players, Claire Brannick (cent-def), Sita Singh (mid-right), and Gorgidas Nemea (mid-left) have really been doing a great job out there with little tips when they are needed. Generis gave me a bit of leeway to control the defense when I played, I'm giving that to the entire squad. I think that our 37 point have shown how effective that has been. We're already in the Cup, but don't expect us to slow down. We want to leave the qualifying stage undefeated.

However, I will admit that we were able win this game without full effort. Hegemonia Polska has been struggling. We got two goals inside of 25 minutes, then sort of went on cruise until they scored in the 72nd minute. That got us focused again and we got that last goal in the 78th minute, then simply wore down the clock. The game that worries us the most in our remaining three is against Total n Utter Insanity. If we can get another victory against them, I think that will be a big statement. That's all for now."

The Flying Cassowary approached Shaw Heath, another country unknown to Tanah Buring citizens. Navigator Vasco, with the aid of his spiffy new atlas, had no trouble finding the country this time. A good thing too, since he would also have to coach the Crocodiles this time out. Coach Bi Kikere had suspended herself after the latest loss, and captain Ab Francisco was also sitting out the match after being red-carded.

Vasco had a good feeling about this game. Time to finally kick-start the scoring. He laaid out a 3-5-3 formation, pushing defender Bibere up to striker along with the young forwards. That'll show 'em. He took another puff. Good stuff, this.

But Shaw Heath proved tougher than last time. Again and again, the strikers foundered on the rocks of Shaw Heath's defence. Waves crashing futilely against a rocky shore.

That reminded Vasco of his philosophy courses at Lovefest University. If he crossed a river, and each time reached half-way, would he ever reach the far shore? Can a man ever stand in the same river twice? No, for it is never the same river. Paradox. Much like the pair of Docs he was wearing.

Vasco shook himself back to awareness of his surroundings. Oh yes, Shaw Heath. In fact, it appeared that Shaw Heath was ahead 1-0. And on that bleak heath, he waited for someone to score. Waiting for Cavaco. In this play, Cavaco does in fact arrive, and scores the equalizer. But Vasco is off in another reverie.

Another long inhale. Damn good stuff.

Final score: Tanah Burung 1 Shaw Heath 1
Cavaco 57

Next match, Bi Kikere returns to coach the Crocodiles in their latest friendly against Brazillico. (Brazillico? Agaiiiin?) Food will once more be permitted in the National Stadium, since few fans are expected to try to throw it at the Chili Bats.

<OOC>Sorry for the delay. Here, then, is the second half of the friendly against Brazillico. For those who have forgotten what happened in the first half, here's a convenient link (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=54287&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=524)

And now... on with the show</OOC>

Gil: So, ‘ere we are back for the second ‘alf, and it’s nice to ‘ave everybody back in the booth again. I’m Gil Lemson and with me are your very own president, Lou Gilsterson, and Click Something-or-other. So, boys, wot did you think of the first ‘alf of play?

Glick: I only saw about ten minutes of it. Then I was off chasing down Laverne.

Gil: And, I’m told, you did an excellent job.

Glick: That’s right. I finally caught up with her down by the river. It was too deep for her to cross, and I cornered her on a sandbar. Had to carry her the whole way back, over my shoulder.

Gil: Looks like she bit you a couple of times.

Glick: Yes, she did, Gil.

Gil: And they’re allowing ‘er back in the game, is that right?

Glick: Yes, I’m told it’s an unprecedented move. Even though President Gilsterson was red-carded for striking the Foreign Minister, they’re going to let Laverne come back in at the same position. Which is apparently midfielder, not Left Wing Honkwacker.

Gil: Wull, they do things differently ‘ere in Gilmeecia.

Glick: They said there’s no Left Wing Honkwacker in the FIFA rulebook.

Gil: ‘oo said that?

Glick: The referees.

Gil: Huh. Some kind of second-rate refs you ‘ave for this game, if you ask me. But I’m glad they let Laverne back in, anyway.

Glick: It was on the grounds that they weren’t entirely sure the red card was legal. Considering that it was for a player attacking one of his teammates. So they’re going to score it a straight substitution, they said, and rescind the red card against President Gilsterson.

Lou: Hah! Exonerated, once again.

Gil: I know just ‘ow you feel, Lou. Say, Lou, did you find out who scored the goals?

Lou: No, sorry, never did.

Gil: Okay, thanks. Anyroad, that was quite a lot of goals. It’s not usual that you see quite so many. Kind of makes the game exciting, really.

Glick: I wish I’d seen it.

Gil: Yeah, well, if you ‘ad seen it, you probably wouldn’t be sayin’ that.

Glick: You just said it was exciting.

Gil: I was doing wot’s called “bein’ kind to them ‘oose team sucks,” Click.

Glick: That’s Glick, by the way.

Gil: Wot’d I say?

Glick: You said Click.

Gil: And wot’s it supposed to be again?

Glick: Glick.

Gil: Well, wot kind of name is that?

Glick: It’s a Gilmeecian name.

Gil: Fine. I’ll keep it in mind. So ‘ere’s Screamin’ Joe with the kickoff to start the second ‘alf. Now, this one’s a cousin of Lew’s, and Moola was a cousin of Lou’s, meanin’ the other Lou. An’ I think one of you mentioned that one there is called “Scaley” Gilsterson, for obvious reason. So ‘oo’s cousin is ‘e?

Lou: He’s another one of mine.

Gil: So, a relative of Moola then, as well.

Lou: Yep. Another cousin.

Gil: There any more Gilstersons out on the field? We never did get to do that roster.

Lou: There’s Ava. She’s the one letting all the goals go by.

Gil: Yeah, I noticed she doesn’t ‘ave much sense of which way they’re gonna kick it. Or maybe she’s just scared of the ball. Is she aware that the goalkeeper’s allowed to put ‘er ‘ands on it, do you think?

Lou: Ava’s not scared of the ball. She’s very athletic, actually. When we were kids she used to kick my ass in ping-pong all the time. That’s how I knew she’d make a great goalkeeper.

Gil: Does she, now?

Lou: Just imagine if Laverne was in goal. We’d be losing, like, forty to nothing.

Gil: Oh, ‘as Ava made some saves that I missed?

Glick: She hasn’t touched the ball today, Gil. Except for the one that bounced off of her into the net.

Gil: Yeh, that was the sense I ‘ad. See, Lou, wot’s goin’ on is, the Brazillican players ‘ave figured out that your team’s a bunch of random people off the street. They’re going easy on you so as not to embarrass you too much. It’s very sporting of them, really.

Lou: You mean they could hand us our asses on a platter if they wanted to?

Gil: Nice use of metaphor, Lou. You’ll make a sportscaster yet. And by the way, they are ‘andin’ you your asses on a platter.

Glick: Yessir, that’s a big plate of steaming asses they’re serving up.

Gil: Ugh. There’s such a thing as taking a metaphor too far, Glick. I noticed earlier you don’t ‘ave a good ‘andle on ‘em.

Glick: I’m still learning. Usually I report on political happenings.

Lou: Glick’s part of the Presidential Press Corps.

Gil: And I’m sure ‘e does a fine job of it. A better job than Ned’s doin’ in midfield, anyhoo, I’m sure.

Lou: What’s he doing lying on his back? Is he dead too? For crying out loud!

Gil: ‘e ain’t dead. See? ‘e’s gettin’ up. ‘e just collided with someone.

Glick: That was Biff.

Gil: That’d be one of yours, then?

Lou: That’s right. He’s a buddy of Ned’s.

Gil: Looks like ‘e an’ Ned are ‘avin’ words. Ned di’n’t like the way Biff knocked ‘im on ‘is ass when they collided.

Lou: Then Ned should bulk up some. Look at him, he’s the skinniest one on the field. Hell, even Laverne could whip him.

Gil: By the way, wot’s keepin’ ‘er from boltin’ again?

Glick: Lew tied a rope around her neck. See? She can only move ten yards away from him.

Gil: Kind of limits ‘er effectiveness as a player, don’t it?

Lou: Ka-PISH!

Gil: Wot was that?

Lou: Rim shot.

Gil: Oh. Sounded like you said you ‘ad to take a piss.

Lou: I do, but I wouldn’t be so crass as to say it on the air.

Gil: As Dean of Lemmitanian sports, I can say anything I want on the air.

Glick: Really? I didn’t realize you were so powerful.

Gil: Oh, I’m powerful all right. There are things I choose not to say on the air. Such as, “Big plate of steaming asses.” But I could say ‘em if I wanted to.

Lou: You know I should probably get to calling my aunt.

Gil: ‘ell’s bells! You mean you di’n’t call ‘er during the forty minutes you were out of the van?

Lou: I was playing, remember?

Gil: Only for two minutes. Then you were carded for smacking Ned!

Lou: No, the red card was rescinded. Therefore I was playing the entire half.

Gil: ...Wow. I’m impressed, Lou. That’s a feat of logic I’d ‘ave been proud to ‘ave made meself.

Lou: Thanks. Coming from you, Gil, that means a lot.

Gil: Well, go a’ead an’ call ‘er, then.

Glick: And that’s another goal for Brazillico. So it’s twenty-five to nothing on five tries by the Chili Bats.

Gil: But so far they ain’t managed a conversion. An ‘ere’s Scaley Joe Gilsterson gettin’ set to kick it off once again... You know what, Click? I just remembered somethin’. In football, it’s only one point for a try. So the score is actually five nothing, not twenty-five nothing as previously reported.

Glick: Thank you for pointing that out, Gil. It’s an honor to be corrected by you.

Gil: You’re a good kid, Click. You want to come work for me when this fiasco finally ends?

Lou: HELLO? HELLO? Aunt Mabel, can you hear me? It’s Lou! LOUIE! LITTLE LOUIE!

Gil: Cripes, Lou, take it outside! We’re tryin’ to call a game ‘ere.

Lou: The reception’s crap outside. I said, THE RECEPTION’S CRAP! CRAP! No, I wasn’t swearing at you, Aunt Mabel! I wasn’t talking to you at all! What do you mean, “Why call you up if I’m not going to talk to you?” You know why I’m calling! Don’t you? You’re watching the game, aren’t you? Huh? HUH? Oh. Ohhhhh. I see.

Gil: What is it?

Lou: She’s not watching the game. It was making her nervous. Aunt Mabel has a nervous disposition.

Gil: Does she?

Lou: She’s prone to hyperventilating. What’s that, Aunt Mabel? Sorry, the reception’s crap, I can hardly hear you. Oh, yeah, so about that. Why I’m calling you in the middle of broadcasting the big game.

Gil: Make something up. She ain’t watching, an wot she don’t know can’t ‘urt ‘er.

Lou: Oh, no reason, Aunt Mabel. I was just thinking about you. Wanted to say “hi.” Oh, yeah, Moola... How’s he playing? Well... Nobody can take their eyes off him. I can see his number on the far side of the field. Right in the thick of things.

Gil: That’s swift thinking, Lou.

Lou: Thanks. No, Aunt Mabel, I was thanking Gil. Gil Lemson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports... Well, he was congratulating me on my swift thinking. For, uh-- for thinking of calling up my favorite Aunt just to say “hi” in the middle of the game... You’ve always been my favorite aunt! I never did! I never called Moola “Wheezy.” That was the other kids. Scaley, mostly. And Ava. And I think Moola called himself that. But I never did. Well, anyway, I really should be going. I’ve got this game to call, and everything. So I’ll talk to you later. Okay. Love to you and Uncle Mookster. Okay, then. ‘bye, Mabel.

Gil: Nicely done, Lou. Hee hee!

Lou: What’s funny?

Gil: Oh, I was just thinkin’ ‘ow steamed she’s going to be when she learns the truth. She’ll ‘and you your ass on a platter, I shouldn’t wonder!

Lou: Oh. Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that.

Gil: Maybe you should call ‘er back.

Lou: Won’t that just make things worse?

Gil: Yeah, you’re right. Look at it this way: maybe she’ll never find out.

Lou: Maybe she’ll die before the game ends.

Gil: You can always ‘ope.

Gil: So seventy-five minutes ‘ave gone by, and the Chili Bats get their sixth goal. This one scored by your very own Foreign Minister, Ned Itchlesbody, ‘oo seems increasingly confused. Not used to running quite this much, is ‘e? Well, I guess I can answer that one meself. ‘e did say ‘e doesn’t know ‘ow to run before ‘e went out there to play for Moola.

Glick: Minister Itchlesby doesn’t look well, Gil.

Gil: You mean, ‘is green complexion or the fact that ‘e’s wobbling like an ‘igh-rise in a Tokyo earthquake?

Glick: Both of those. Plus the fact that he just went off by the side of the field and retched.

Gil: Yuck. Well, I ain’t buyin’ ‘is old carpet now. So ‘ere once again is Scaley Ava to kick it off. WHAT the--

Lou: Sorry, sorry, that’s my cell phone.

Gil: Sounds like the shrieks of the damned!

Lou: You like that? I just downloaded that ringtone. Hello? Oh, Mabel!

Gil: Uh, oh.

Lou: Auntie Mabel, how are you? Long time no-- what do you mean, “Where’s Moola?” He’s right out there on the field. Ohhh, decided to tune in to the game, did you? I see. Well, yes, that’s true. I can see there’s no fooling your hawk eyes. That is Ned in Moola’s kit. Moola’s... lying down. Well, you know how he is. With the breathing problems and all... Uh, no, I don’t think he’s coming back out on the field. Since early. I cannot lie to you, Mabel: he’s been lying down since about five minutes into the game. No! Of course not. How would he have hurt his back playing football? Well, now, listen, Aunt Mabel, I can’t just go out there in the middle of the game and put him on the phone... Because, uh...

Gil: That’d be unprofessional of you.

Lou: That’d be unprofessional of me... Hell yes I’m a professional... President is a professional position. What, just because it’s an elected position means it isn’t professional? Fine. Call it semantics if you want to. I refuse to betray the trust of the Gilmeecian people by leaving this van to put Moola on the phone with you. I’m calling this game to the end and that’s all there is to it. Oh-- now-- geez, Aunt Mabel, don’t start that.

Gil: Is she hyperventilating?

Lou: Crying. Come on, now, Aunt Mabel. Okay. Okay. Look. You want to talk to Moola? Okay. Hang on for a minute. I’ll go get him.

Gil: Don’t you ‘old that phone out to me! I ain’t impersonatin’ your dead cousin!

Lou: Shut up! She might still be in front of the TV! Aunt Mabel? Did you hear that? oh, Okay. Good. Glick, here, take the phone.

Glick: Do you think this is a good idea, Mr. President?

Lou: Why the hell not? Just do it!

Glick: I just mean that she’s liable to find out the truth at some point, sir. And it might go worse for you if you’ve tried to fool her with subterfuge.

Lou: You do a good enough job and she’ll never know the truth!

Gil: ‘ow are you gonna keep it from ‘er, Lou? There’s bound to be a funeral in a few days, and--

Lou: No, no, no! Look, I’m the freakin’ President! Covering things up is my job. All we have to do is turn Glick here into Moola. Not for ever, just until a reasonable time after the game. Then we can dump Moola’s body somewhere, wait ‘til it’s discovered, and deny all knowledge of his passing! Aunt Mabel’s never going to know I didn’t call her to tell her about it. Trust me, this works. We’ve done it before!

Gil: Probably not when millions of Gilmeecians were listening to your every word though.

Glick: Actually, Gil, there aren’t millions of Gilmeecians. Only about thirty thousand.

Lou: Can we discuss the freaking population later, Glick?! We’re in crisis mode here!

Gil: Wot’s that, some sort of scam you’re running on the U.N.?

Glick: I think Foreign Minister Itchlesby just doesn’t know how many zeros there are in a thousand.

Gil: That sounds plausible, actually.

Lou: Would you two shut up! Okay. Everybody just get a grip. Now look, I’ve got my aunt on the phone and she wants to talk to my dead cousin, her son. Glick, I am ordering you to impersonate Moola. You got that? Fool my aunt or you’re out of a job!

Gil: ‘ell, I already offered ‘im a new job.

Glick: Did you mean that? I’d be honored.

Lou: Do it or I’ll have you executed for treason!

Glick: Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Hello, uh-- Mom?... This is Moola. Who else would it be? Well, I have a sore throat. From playing so much football. Who’s voice does it sound like?... Oh, you’ve been watching the game for a while, huh? Yeah, I guess my voice is similar to that guy Glick’s. It’s Glick, by the way, not Click. Sorry, Mom, you’re right. It’s very impertinent of me to correct you... I’ve always known the word ‘impertinent.’ It’s not that big. I’m not stupid!... Okay, you’re right, Mom, I am being uppity today. Okay, sure, you can talk to cousin Gilsterson-- uh-- Lou, again. Here, she wants to talk to you, sir.

Lou: There. See, Aunt Mabel? I told you, Moola’s not dead. I mean-- Absolutely, that was him. Of course it was him. It didn’t sound anything like Glick Masterson. Look. You want to know the truth? It’ very sad, Mabel, but if you rally want to know it, I’ll ell you the truth. See, here’s the thing: early in the game, well, Glick died.

Glick: What!

Lou: Yeah, just seized up. We don’t know, maybe his ticker, maybe all the fried shit he was eating before the game. No, of course I don’t literally mean he was eating fried shit. That was a, uh, metaphor. For, you know, junk food and crap. Anyway, that’s what really happened. Glick’s been dead all along, and we grabbed Moola off the field to sub for him. ‘cause their voices are so similar! But, you know, we couldn’t let anyone know what was going on. Because... because...

Gil: Union.

Lou: Because letting Moola on the air would be a violation of the contract. With Local 538, the sportscasters’ Union. Of which the late lamented Glick was a card-carrying member. So you see, we couldn’t let any of this get on the air. No, of course we’re not on the air now. This is all off-camera.

Gil: If only.

Lou: Well, what we’re gonna do is, after the game, we’ll dump Glick’s body somewhere. Probably in a dumpster. And then we’ll deny all knowledge. Yes, it works every time. Of course I’ve done it before. But don’t tell anyone that, it might tarnish my image. No, I absolutely guarantee that Moola won’t get in any trouble for this. In fact, I’m gonna give him Glick’s salary for the night. Well, Glick won’t need it anyway, he’s dead.

Glick: Urk.

Lou: Okay. Okay, then, Aunt Mabel. You too. Oh, sure. Here, Glick, she wants to say goodbye to you.

Glick: ...Mom?... Yeah. You too... Bye.

Lou: Welll... That went very smoothly. I have to thank both you gentlemen. You were both quick on your feet . I know you’re not used to this kind of situation.

Gil: Oh yeah?

Glick: You won’t really give my salary to Mr. Gilsterson, will you, sir?

Lou: I can’t go back on my word to my aunt, Glick. Sorry, it’s a sacrifice you’ll have to make.

Gil: You know, Lou, I don’t think that was all that smart.

Lou: What do you mean? That was brilliant.

Gil: Well, yes, parts of it were. But then there was the part where you told her exactly what you’re going to do with Moola.

Lou: When?! Oh, wait. Oh, yeah, you’re right. Geez. When I was telling her what we’re gonna do with Glick’s body. Yeah, that was a screw-up. She’s not too stupid. Probably she can put two and two together and figure it out, when Moola’s body turns up. Damn.

Gil: You’ll never get away with it.

Lou: Crap. You’re right. So what should I do?

Gil: You better call her back and come clean.

Lou: Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Damn. And we were so close. So close. Okay, Glick, gimme the phone back. Right. Oookay. Hello, Aunt Mabel? Listen. You know what we were talking about before? Right, all that stuff about Moola, and Glick, and how Glick’s been dead since five minutes into the game. Well, you know, it seems like maybe I made a little error. Yeah, you know, I just found out I was mistaken. It seems that, well, it seems that Moola’s the one that died five minutes into the game. Yeah, your kid. “Wheezy.” I don’t know, just collapsed on the field. Aunt Mabel? Auntie Mabel? Are you okay?

Gil: She crying?

Lou: Hyperventilating. Auntie Mabel, listen to me. LISTEN: you’ve got to put a plastic bag over your head.

Gil: No no no! She ‘as to breathe into a paper bag. You want to suffocate ‘er?

Lou: At the moment, that might be the easiest way out of this. Anyway, she’s all panicked now. There’s no talking to her. Hello? Hello? Aunt Mabel, are you there? Listen, I’m in the middle of calling this game, so if you’re going to keep wheezing into the phone I’m just going to hang up... Hold on, she’s coming around. Mabel? Okay, that’s much better. Now try using words. Okay. No, no, that was Glick you were talking to. Well, you see, he was hell-bent on impersonating Moola. There was nothing I could do to stop him. Yeah, I know, he should be shot. Maybe I’ll have it done.

Glick: Urk!

Lou: Anyway, I’m really sorry to have to tell you about Moola. You know I loved him like a brother... The hell I did! Moola was always my favorite cousin! Right now? They put his body in a, uh, in a thing. It’s resting comfortably. That sheet? No, no, no. just ‘cause they keep showing it on the TV doesn’t mean it has any significance. Well, I can’t control what they show, I’m just calling the game. If they want to show some lumpy old sheet every three minutes, that’s nothing to do with me... I absolutely guarantee you that Moola is not under that sheet... How the hell do I know where they took his body? I told you, it’s in a thingy. And they put the thingy in a place. And that place is a good place for dead bodies to be. That’s all I know. Okay? Listen... Auntie Mabel... Oh great, there she goes again.

Gil: Hyperventilating?

Lou: Crying. Okay. Mabel? Mabel, I'm hanging up now. Well, I’m sorry Moola’s dead, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, dead is dead. Okay. Okay, well, there’s still plenty of cousins left, I’m sure we can all console you some time. Some time when there isn’t a big football game going on. Okay. Love you too. ‘Bye.

Gil: Actually, there isn’t a big game going on. Not anymore.

Lou: Oh, damn. I missed the ending. Was it any good?

Gil: Actually, yes. The Chili Bats hadn’t entered Gilmeecian territory for nigh-on twenty minutes. In a great show of sportsmanship, they were playing strictly defensively. But right as time was about to expire, the goalkeeper took a loooong kick to clear the ball, and lo and be’old, it rolled right into your goal. That Ava of yours made a nice dive for it, but landed on ‘er ‘ead and I think she might ‘ave broken ‘er neck. So the final score is Brazillico seven, Gilmeecia nought. And one, possibly two, dead Gilstersons.

Lou: What a game!

Gil: This is Gil Lemson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, saying, “Good night, Gilmeecia!”

Match day 12 results

Group 1
TnUI 0 Errinundera 0
Liverpool England 2 Mezitzia 1
Timway 0 Quohog 3
LordSquall 1 Hegemonia Polska 1

Group 2
Porvoo 2 Great White Sharks 2
Iuthia 0 Starving Children 1
_AMP 3 Jay Cutter 3
Cobra Cult 1 Audioslavia 1

Group 3
Oglethorpia 1 La Darien 1
Northern Kings 1 BK_Samurai 1
Giant Zucchini 1 Albion Soviets 0
Dark Outcasts 1 Eauz 1

Group 4
Communation 1 Lunatic Goofballs 3
Pure Evil 0 Nevershadow 1
Tha Machine 2 The Belmore Family 2
Futililia 1 VA Industrialized 2

Group 5
Nova Polonia 3 Benjibouti 2
Copiosa Scotia 2 Whorecore 1
Tanah Burung 4 Bubbasa the Great 0
Shaw Heath 1 Snub Nose 38 2

Group 6
The Midnight Armies 1 Runaway Moose 2
Aquilla 2 Alhana Catherine 0
Haraki 3 Christofi 1
Bedistan 3 Ironchefk 3


Group 7
Aves 1 Vegemite 3
Tiburon 5 Tintinnabulation 1
Halfassedstates 0 Malundar 1
Dead Man 4 Pavesia 3

Group 8
Dennisov 3 Busby 0
Jurimaxistan 3 Ravenspire 3
Australian Marsupials 0 One Red Dot 3
Gesamkuntswerk 1 Crimson Sparta 0

Group 9
The Lowland Clans 2 Chakra 4
Akbarland 2 Avina 1
Lomina 1 Dannland 2
Rave Shentavo 2 Darkseed 2

hey Gilmeecia, when's the piercing final? :wink:

It's nice to know that someone cares. :(

It'll be before the end of WC qualifiers.

Oglethorpian World Cup Team Secures Bid

A three-time Oglethorpian World Cup team dominating group 3 secured it's 3rd World Cup bid with a win against 2nd placed-team Dark Outcasts in the team's 11th qualifying game. The team is riding high after it's early qualifying success, still leading group 3 by 7 points and poised to maintain it's spot with two games left.

Seriously these results make little sense.

Pure Evil blame loosing streak on striker with broken foot
The Pure Evil team have placed ALL blame of their current form on a Star striker Piotr Halando after he was found to have played his last 12 matches with a broken foot without letting anyone.
When questions as to why he didn't report the injury sooner he said that "I wanted to play and a broken foot would have kept me out". The coach is very angry at Piotr and has gone so far as to call him "Insanly stupid"
Coverage of the match will not be shown as a work experience student dropped the tape into the toilet.

LMAO :D You sure know how to save a messy situation, or at least try to :D

KM: ...and in the World Cup, a bit of a seesaw for Ravenspire recently keeps the team near the middle of the group. Here with highlights from the Ravens' recent games is Michael Black. Mike?

MB: Thank you, Kath. The Ravens' play this year has been extremely erratic, and the recent games are no exception: a loss against group leaders One Red Dot, a win against high seed Dennisov, and a draw against last-place Jurimaxistan.

KM: Let's start with the Dot game, Mike. This was a close one-zero game, once again showcasing the defense of both sides.

MB: That's true. Unfortunately, as opposed to previous years, Ravenspire seems to be coming out on the bottom of those matches. The team's lack of new blood may be to blame -- remember, there's not a single newcomer this year. None of the players are as young as they used to be, and additionally, they may have developed habits that the other teams, having previously faced them, can exploit.

KM: We know that they've still got the talent, though. Continuing their tradition of upset victories, the boys and girls defeated Dennisov by a 3-1 margin on goals from Matt Roker, Kaede Kitsuki, and Zhen Sui-Ling. Why is it that they're performing well against such elite teams, and then so poorly against teams such as Jurimaxistan, which despite its poor showing this year, forced a 3-3 draw earlier tonight?

MB: Kath, if I knew that, I'd be coaching that team. *laughs* It may be that Dennisov became overconfident following Ravenspire's loss against One Red Dot, or the home-court advantage worked in Jurimaxistan's favor.

KM: Ravenspire is now standing in fourth position, with only two games remaining. What are the odds?

MB: Well, if we look at the chart...

[code:1:cbfa31cefa]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 12 7 4 1 25 12 +13 25
Dennisov (14) 12 5 5 2 23 14 +9 20
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 12 5 4 3 19 17 +2 19
Ravenspire (24) 12 5 3 4 19 17 +2 18
Busby 12 5 2 5 18 20 -2 17
Crimson Sparta 12 3 3 6 14 19 -5 12
Australian Marsupials 12 3 2 7 14 19 -5 11
Jurimaxistan 12 2 3 7 16 30 -14 9
[/code:1:cbfa31cefa]

MB: You can see that the Ravens aren't badly placed. For the first time in three years, they have no chance of finishing at the top of the group, but second and third are still open. That's the good news. The bad news is that Dennisov, Gesamtkuntswerk, and Busby are all in contention for those two slots.

KM: Ravenspire's remaining games are against Gesamtkuntswerk and Crimson Sparta. A win against Gesamtkuntswerk would place Ravenspire at least into third.

MB: That would be the best scenario. A draw would still give the Ravens an outside chance, particularly if Dennisov should lose. On the other hand, if Ravenspire loses and Dennisov wins, it's over for this year.

KM: Everything could hinge on this next game. And speaking of hinges, an update on the investigation of the criminal police are calling the "Screen-Door Bandit" is coming up, right after this...

'slaves Qualify for World Cup!
wow, it feels like i havent said those words for 8 years, without mentioning the words "failed to" and "not likely" and "in dreams"

After the top three sides in the group all drew, its now impossible for Audioslavia to be caught at the top of the group except by second placed Great White, who must win both their remaining games by a mindboggling margin to pip Audioslavia for the irrelevant title of "group winners"

Yes, its a perenial cluster fuck

quite. In other news today, there has been riots on the streets of Kharden after actions were taken by the 'slavian government to relax its long standing position on its "loadsa civil rights, but you can fuck off with your political rights" policy, by allowing Nazis to stage a political rally. The riots that ensued scourged the richer, blonder streets of Kharden and ended with five dead, a right wing Soundgardian politician, three 'slavian civilians and a Lemmitanian tourist. Audioslavia are unlikely to apologise to either nation

On a lighter note.. *shows picture of Pure Evil*

hehehe, aww

this has been Channel One news, g'nite, godbless and stfu.

OOC: Pure Evil: you have my deepest sympathies, but these things happen dude :)

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND WORLD CUP 6 QUALIFYING

TEAM LEAPFROG ERRINUNDERA INTO FOURTH PLACE

*news flash*
The team has beaten Metitzizia [sp] 2-1 while Errinundera could only manage a draw against TnUI. At the rate the team is playing, they could take third place over Timway and qualify for the finals.

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini squeezes past Albion Soviets 1-0 to put themselves in a strong position to qualify. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "This is a much needed win, but it is not enough. We are trying our very best to qualify, but we must win consistantly to have any sure chance of that."

Headline in the Goofballian Globe: 'Is Fritz Xoom Scamperific?

During an interview with Fritz Xoom after the most recent victory against the team from Communation, Xoom referred to himself as 'scamperific'. When asked to clarify, he gave a knowing wink, and said that the world was finding out what scamperific meant. Fritz Xoom has indeed been a phenomenal performer in this Cup, especially of late, and with all three goals in today's victory, stands a real chance of being the high scorer of this World Cup. Assuming, of course, that Team Goof ball can progress far enough.

So is Fritz Xoom 'scamperific'? Only time will tell.

OOC: Who cares? Quohog have won 11 out of 11! Unless we defeat them I shall be forced to take action.

OOC: What sort of action are you threatening?

OOC: I will have to annoy you to death! :)

(How many pages since i said i had no rivalries? Scratch that thought.)

Bow before the king of rivalries! First EB then Ogle then AS soon Quohog!

Zuka -- (Eauz) The National Team of Eauz has been on a bit of a "slide" dropping from a respectable standing to 6th place. The Coach was asked what has happend to the winning spirit, and responded saying: "We started off great, but we are a first time team to this World Cup qualification. And lately our defence has fallen, especially against weak teams. We need to hope that we can step it up in the next few games to bring us back up the standings." The coach sounded very confident that his team could bounce back, and become a "suprise" team in the next round. If nothing else, even though the team is down 3 games from even, they have really impressed the nation of Eauz on its first try.

After a boring 0-0 draw at home TnUI have two away matches. The first at Timway, where a win or a draw would secure TnUIs World Cup place. However if they lose they face a daunting trip to Quohog.
[code:1:a1059e3813]
Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog 12 12 0 0 40 10 +30 36
Total n Utter Insanity 12 7 2 3 24 11 +13 23
Timway 12 5 3 4 25 27 -2 18
Liverpool England 12 4 3 5 19 21 -2 15
Errinundera 12 3 5 4 18 17 +1 14
LordSquall 12 3 3 6 21 32 -11 12
Mezitzia 12 3 2 7 14 19 -5 11
Hegemonia Polska 12 1 2 9 14 38 -24 5
[/code:1:a1059e3813]

Wow ! i've got one more point ! :o

Nations that will pull an Al Quds during World Cup 6 (well, apart from the hosting thing):

Avina
BK_Samurai (oops, already gone)
Bubbasa the Great
Tintinnabulation

Nations that will pull an Aural Chaos:

Aves
Cobra Cult
Dannland
Futililia (may yet go AQ)
Hegemonia Polska (but they might surprise me)
Jurimaxistan
Lomina
Malundar (probable)
Porvoo (they did post a roster, but I'm dubious)
Shaw Heath
Starving Children
Whorecore (see: Porvoo)

Come on, kids... prove me wrong...

How many so far?

OOC: Who cares? Quohog have won 11 out of 11! Unless we defeat them I shall be forced to take action.

OOC: What sort of action are you threatening?

OOC: I will have to annoy you to death! :)

From a snippet of a Top Secret document somehow smuggled out of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

...team into Quohog. Infiltrate, and find a way to undermine the side without being discovered. 11 - 0 - 0. They must be stopped. Some recommendations of the committee were; poison, "accidents", slipping them illegal medications before the "p" test, going to...

The Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery denies the above report. It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.
:lol:

nations that will pull an Audioslavia:

Pure Evil

ok so i didnt really say that :(

* the “not as dark as before, not quite as dank as before” offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. men in coveralls are moving some furniture (small desk, couch, table, etc) in. the single hanging 60 watt bulb has been joined by another hanging 60 watt bulb, and a nice little lamp on the ministers card table. he is seated behind the card table on his folding chair, on the phone. margaret can be seen in the background busily offering the rubber chicken as a sacrifice to supplicate the random number gods *

- That’s all you can tell me?
- *******
- So, the Academy of Science is only able to tell us that the Hooligans MIGHT qualify?
- *******
- If the computers can’t tell you, use slide rules. I don’t care HOW you do it, I need to know.
- ***************
- Well, we already knew the Hooligans are still in first place by goal differential over Tanah Burung with 26 points each, and Copiosa Scotia is in third with 25. We NEED to know if we’ve qualified!
- **********
- There are only two matches left, and you can’t tell me with certainty that we’ve qualified? Only that you THINK we did? What are you geniuses doing over there with all that expensive equipment?
- ******************************************
- Who cares about the Space Program! Who cares about Medical Research! Who cares about Environmental Improvement! I want to know about FOOTBALL!!
- ****(sound of phone slamming down)
- (splutter, splutter, splutter)
-------------------------------------------------------
- Ben, did you see this message from Bi Kikere?
- You mean the one where she “reminds” us that the Crocodiles beat the Hooligans twice? Yeah, I saw it. I guess Mau Kiri Rai shared our little package with Bi.
- I can’t stand it. What with the “evisceration” comment, and the…
- Come off it, Eileen. What’s bothering us both is that she’s right.
- Yeah, I guess.
- I sent Bi a little reply, when I read her message earlier.
- Well…what? What did you say?
- I sent her a little note that says “We’re number one.” … inside a crocodile purse.
:wink:
-----------------------------------------------------
OOC: Will RP march with Shaw Heath later - must do some actual work.
Edit - maTch. Although, a march might be interesting.

PE - broken foot? Brilliant.


- I sent her a little note that says “We’re number one.” … inside a crocodile purse.

Violating the international convention on trade in endangered species now? Have you sir, in the end, no shame? Let me reach into that beautiful new language and put it this way: "I pwn u lol, i luanch 3712986471 raspbrries at ju!!!111!!!" :wink:

PE - broken foot? Brilliant.


- I sent her a little note that says “We’re number one.” … inside a crocodile purse.

Violating the international convention on trade in endangered species now? Have you sir, in the end, no shame? Let me reach into that beautiful new language and put it this way: "I pwn u lol, i luanch 3712986471 raspbrries at ju!!!111!!!" :wink:

OOC: Absolutely agree - PEs "broken foot" is great. lol !

IC: From the morning "Scuttlebutt"

The Department of the Interior and Exterior launched an investigation today into allegations that Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 National Football side, the Hooligans, had violated both SN38 law and International law. This was all somehow related to the ongoing Qualifying Matches for World Cup 6. We believe there was some piece of luggage or clothing purportedly made from crocodile leather involved. According to Eileen Dover, Defensive Coach for the Hooligans, and Ben's wife, "It wasn't even real crocodile. It was that cardboard stuff with a plastic surface embossed to look like crocodile."

As Mrs. Dover was walking away, she was heard to mutter something about being very upset with bikes.

DAILY CROCODILE
"Jubilation greets return to form"

Tanah Burung fans were dancing in the streets after a pair of wins that restored the team's confidence after a bad road trip which saw the Crocodiles get only one point from two games.

First up was a friendly at home against Brazillico, the defending World Champions. The Crocs were up for this clash with one of their favourite opponents. Bi Kikere had returned to coaching duties, and Ab Francisco was back after his suspension. Francisco scored one goal and David Cavaco added another in a 2-1 win. That gave Tanah Burung a 3-1 record in their history of playing Brazillico.

A revitalized squad boarded the Flying Cassowary for their last away trip, to Bubbasa the Great. "Now that the Group 5 tables are tight and Snub Nose 20 is ahead on goal difference, we are playing our starting team in all matches," said Bi Kikere. "Even here against Jabba the Hutt, I mean Bubba the Great, although I can't so what's so great about them. In fact, I can hardly see them at all. Are you sure they entered a team?"

The Crocs had no trouble this time, and in the most promising development yet, finally managed to put away some goals. Simon da Gama, fresh from holding the world champs to one goal, kept Bubbasa off the score sheet altogether. Midfielder van Esterik returned to his promising form with a pair of goals, and two strikers added their own markers. The Crocs now return home to face Nova Polonia, the only team to beat them in the first half of the qualifiers. "We want revenge," said Bi Kikere. "Sweet, sweet revenge."

Final score: Tanah Burung 4 Bubbasa the Great 0
Cavaco 12, Loro 26, van Esterik 35, 78

...

***** ASPN NEWS SPECIAL WORLD CUP 6 REPORT *****

* the new aspn studios, replete with blue table cloths. the scratchy version of the aspn theme is heard (too loud, as usual). wc6 and aspn logos are superimposed over scenes of 4 magnificent goals, two beautiful saves, and the hooligan cheerleaders being pelted with ripe vegetables*

In their twelfth qualifying match for World Cup 6 the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans just barely managed to hang on to the number one spot in Group 5. The Shaw Heath side played as if no one had informed them they've been mathematically eliminated. They certainly didn't look like a side that won't be going through.

The first half was a defensive battle for both sides. Shaw Heath came out in a 4-4-2 formation and the Hooligans were in a 4-5-1, with Horatio playing an attacking midfielder role.

Shaw Heath had the advantage in chances, with 8 shots on goal in the first half to only 4 for the Hooligans. But Pancake, still holding onto his new spot in the starting eleven, let nothing through.

This one was almost unbelievable.

*we see a shaw heath corner kick, which crosses at the six and is headed by a shaw heath forward directly on goal. the hooligan keeper just manages to catch it, and falls to the ground smoothering it, half his body in the goal, but the other half with the ball just outside.*

The scoreline at the half was 0 - 0.

Shaw Heath national stadium officials made what some have begun to consider a mistake in letting the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders into the stadium. The usual half-time riot ensued.

*we see the hooligan cheerleaders run onto the field, in full uniform to include flack vests. they begin.*

"Snub Nose Hooligans, fight!
Show Shaw Heath your might!!
If that's not enough, swing a right!!
Shaw - BOO!!
Heath - BOO!!
Gonna smack the stuffing outta you!!"

*almost lackadasically the surrounding spectators, both in shaw heath colors and in snub nose 38 colors, chuck vegetables at the cheerleaders. the cheerleaders pull out water hoses, and start squirting the nearby fans. the nearby fans do not seem to appreciate this, and begin to clobber the hooligan cheerleaders with anything at hand. security moves in, and as usual hauls the cheerleaders away*

The second half began with a Hooligan goal in the 11th minute, and a Shaw Heath goal in the 12th minute - both resulting from free kicks near the box - Shaw Heath from about 30 yards out, and the Hooligans from about 25 yards out.

It wasn't until late in the half that the Hooligan Captain, Horatio, came up with the winning goal on the only Shaw Heath defensive lapse of the game. Shaw Heath were attempting to clear, and a defender turned to drop the ball back. Horatio actually jumped through the space between two defenders, took the ball in stride, by passed the last defender in the box, dribbled around the keeper who came out and dived for the ball, and then just side-footed it into the net.

*we see the horatio jump between two defenders, pick up the ball, slip past the last defender, dribble past the keeper who dives for the ball and just misses, and...goal. the hooligans celebrate. shaw heath players look striken.*

And that goal at the 85th minute made the difference. Final Score: SHAW HEATH 1 - SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2

****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN NEWS SPECIAL WORLD CUP 6 REPORT****
OOC: Horatio's goal = Rudd VanNistleroy with Man U vs Barcelona. Saw it last night, and almost couldn't believe it. Pancakes save = Tim Howard's save in the same game for Man U.

OOC: Who cares? Quohog have won 11 out of 11! Unless we defeat them I shall be forced to take action.

OOC: What sort of action are you threatening?

OOC: I will have to annoy you to death! :)

From a snippet of a Top Secret document somehow smuggled out of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

...team into Quohog. Infiltrate, and find a way to undermine the side without being discovered. 11 - 0 - 0. They must be stopped. Some recommendations of the committee were; poison, "accidents", slipping them illegal medications before the "p" test, going to...

The Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery denies the above report. It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening.
:lol:


To Snub Nose 38: We are glad that your government is disavowing responsibility for the document. It was probably someone's poor idea of a joke. However, just to be on the safe side, the team has started to travel with a security contingent including guards, taste testers, and doctors... just in case. Oh, and the guards have orders to "shoot on sight any questionable looking persons.

OOC to Total n Utter Insanity: While I might regret this, BRING IT ON! Hmmm... regrete it already.
IC: Quohog Team Captain Claire Brannick said recently that although she wishes both TnUI and Timway luck in their upcoming match, she hopes that Timway wins so that the TnUI team will face Quohog in a must-win situation. Either way, she's looking forward to some great football.

OOC: Actually I can draw against you and still go through, the only way Timway will make it is if I lose both my matches and they win both of theirs.

IC: :P

Current Standings After Matchday Twelve

[code:1:b477b1150c]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 12 12 0 0 40 10 +30 36
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 12 7 2 3 25 12 +13 23
Timway 12 5 3 4 25 27 -2 18
Liverpool England 12 4 3 5 19 21 -2 15
Errinundera (17) 12 3 5 4 19 18 +1 14
LordSquall 12 3 3 6 21 32 -11 12
Mezitzia 12 3 2 7 14 19 -5 11
Hegemonia Polska 12 1 2 9 14 38 -24 5

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 12 7 4 1 30 16 +14 25
Great White Sharks 12 5 4 3 30 22 +8 19
_AMP 12 4 5 3 26 25 +1 17
Cobra Cult 12 5 2 5 26 29 -3 17
Starving Children 12 4 4 4 24 27 -3 16
Jay Cutter 12 4 3 5 23 28 -5 15
Porvoo 12 4 2 6 25 24 +1 14
Iuthia 12 2 2 8 19 32 -13 8

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 12 9 3 0 30 12 +18 30
Dark Outcasts (42) 12 7 2 3 27 20 +7 23
Giant Zucchini (10) 12 5 1 6 19 18 +1 16
La Darien (36) 12 4 4 4 17 18 -1 16
Northern Kings 12 3 6 3 23 23 0 15
Eauz 12 4 1 7 17 24 -7 13
Albion Soviets 12 3 2 7 21 28 -7 11
BK_Samurai 12 2 3 7 15 26 -11 9

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 12 10 1 1 33 13 +20 31
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 12 7 1 4 23 15 +8 22
Nevershadow 12 6 2 4 23 23 0 20
Futililia 12 5 1 6 22 28 -6 16
Pure Evil (22) 12 4 2 6 21 22 -1 14
VA Industrialized 12 3 3 6 19 27 -8 12
Communation 12 3 2 7 23 30 -7 11
Tha Machine 12 2 4 6 20 26 -6 10

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (20) 12 8 2 2 31 14 +17 26
Tanah Burung (8) 12 8 2 2 24 13 +11 26
Copiosa Scotia (50) 12 8 1 3 29 19 +10 25
Nova Polonia 12 3 5 4 26 31 -5 14
Shaw Heath 12 4 2 6 15 23 -8 14
Benjibouti 12 3 2 7 26 27 -1 11
Whorecore 12 2 4 6 20 28 -8 10
Bubbasa the Great 12 2 2 8 15 31 -16 8

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 12 9 2 1 22 8 +14 29
Ironchefk (9) 12 7 1 4 27 16 +11 22
Bedistan (27) 12 5 4 3 21 15 +6 19
Haraki (29) 12 5 3 4 22 16 +6 18
Aquilla 12 4 3 5 15 24 -9 15
Alhana Catherine (48) 12 2 5 5 18 21 -3 11
Christofi (28) 12 2 4 6 15 24 -9 10
The Midnight Armies 12 2 2 8 18 34 -16 8

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 12 7 3 2 28 14 +14 24
Malundar 12 7 3 2 26 19 +7 24
Vegemite 12 5 3 4 23 20 +3 18
Dead Man (58) 12 5 2 5 25 24 +1 17
Tiburon 12 6 1 5 17 19 -2 16
Pavesia 12 3 4 5 26 28 -2 13
Tintinnabulation 12 4 1 7 20 32 -12 13
Aves 12 3 1 8 16 25 -9 10

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 12 7 4 1 25 12 +13 25
Dennisov (14) 12 5 5 2 23 14 +9 20
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 12 5 4 3 19 17 +2 19
Ravenspire (24) 12 5 3 4 19 17 +2 18
Busby 12 5 2 5 18 20 -2 17
Crimson Sparta 12 3 3 6 14 19 -5 12
Australian Marsupials 12 3 2 7 14 19 -5 11
Jurimaxistan 12 2 3 7 16 30 -14 9

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 12 6 5 1 33 23 +10 23
Dannland 12 6 3 3 27 23 +4 21
Chakra (70) 12 4 5 3 24 23 +1 17
The Lowland Clans 12 5 2 5 29 29 0 17
Rave Shentavo 12 4 4 4 24 23 +1 16
Avina 12 4 2 6 24 29 -5 14
Darkseed 12 3 3 6 22 27 -5 12
Lomina 12 3 2 7 19 25 -6 11

Third Place Standings P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 12 8 1 3 29 19 +10 25
Nevershadow 12 6 2 4 23 23 0 20
Bedistan (27) 12 5 4 3 21 15 +6 19
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 12 5 4 3 19 17 +2 19
Vegemite 12 5 3 4 23 20 +3 18
Timway 12 5 3 4 25 27 -2 18
_AMP 12 4 5 3 26 25 +1 17
Chakra (70) 12 4 5 3 24 23 +1 17
Giant Zucchini (10) 12 5 1 6 19 18 +1 16[/code:1:b477b1150c]

Teams qualified:
Quohog (25)
Audioslavia (40)
Oglethorpia (13)
Dark Outcasts (42)
The Belmore Family (47)
Runaway Moose (12)

Teams eliminated:
Mezitzia
Hegemonia Polska
Iuthia
BK_Samurai
VA Industrialized
Communation
Tha Machine
Nova Polonia
Shaw Heath
Benjibouti
Whorecore
Bubbasa the Great
Alhana Catherine ( 48 )
Christofi ( 28 )
The Midnight Armies
Aves
Crimson Sparta
Australian Marsupials
Jurimaxistan

These teams must win both remaining games to have a chance:
LordSquall
Pure Evil (22)
Pavesia
Tintinnabulation
Darkseed
Lomina

Winning Streak Over, but Still Not Too Bad

Today, the Bedistan Lions national football team journeyed to the land of Ironchefk for their twelfth qualifying match for World Cup 6.

It was a very active game, very much offensively-oriented. Bedistani star forward Johnny Lewis scored a pair of goals in the first twenty minutes, but Ironchefk came back with one of their own in the 36th.

There were heavy substitutions on both sides for the second half. Coach Jim Parker took out forward Jeff Whitehurst, putting defender Mike Lee in his place, as well as sending in Leigh Black to replace the fatigued Tim King at midfield, giving her her very first opportunity at international play. Chuck Mitchell also went in for Bream at goal.

The second half was basically a replay of the first, with team roles reversed. Two Christofian goals entered the net in the first 20 minutes, but substitute Leigh Black slammed in the equalizer with just eleven minutes left on the clock. Neither team could score again, and the final was a 3-3 draw.

Analysts were worried that a draw might jeopardize the team's chances of qualifying, but the team is in a reasonable position right now. They remain third in Group 6, though now just one point ahead of 4th-place Haraki. Out of all the third-place teams, Bedistan has fallen from second to third, but that is "nothing to worry about," according to Parker. He does, however, stress the importance of winning the final two games, both of which will be played at Holmes Stadium in Columbia against Alhana Catherine, who have already been eliminated, and quasi-regional rivals Aquilla, who were defeated by the Lions 4-0 in their first matchup.

Final score:
Ironchefk 3
Bedistan 3 (Lewis 6, 17; Black 81)

OOC: Actually I can draw against you and still go through, the only way Timway will make it is if I lose both my matches and they win both of theirs.

IC: :P

tbh, even if you DO lose both and Timway win both (well the former is likely :p) you'll probably still go through as long as Vegemite dont win their last two games.

Go veggies! go timway! go quohog! go whoeverTnUIisplayingnext! woo!

btw unless im very much mistaken, Giant Zuchini and Pure Evil are as good as out?

OOC: Actually I can draw against you and still go through, the only way Timway will make it is if I lose both my matches and they win both of theirs.

IC: :P

tbh, even if you DO lose both and Timway win both (well the former is likely :p) you'll probably still go through as long as Vegemite dont win their last two games.

Go veggies! go timway! go quohog! go whoeverTnUIisplayingnext! woo!

Probably, but Kingsford didn't say for sure. I'm playing Timway next and then Quohog

good point

meh

good luck too, i look forward to whuppin' ya in World Cup 6 :)

Yeah right :P

btw unless im very much mistaken, Giant Zuchini and Pure Evil are as good as out?

That depends on several factors -- mainly whether or not the 3rd-place team in their respective groups gets through or not. Hell, as far as that goes, we don't even know how Kingsford is going to deal with the final six spots; we're just guessing right now.

TIMWAY TEETERS ON BRINK

Timway lost earlier today to undefeated Quohog, bringing the Tigers' record to 5-3-4, which totals to 18 points. This puts Timway in sixth place out of the third place teams, which is presumed to be the last qualifying spot. It would be a great accomplishment indeed if Timway can qualify for WC6 since this is their first attempt. However, things do not look promising, as Timway faces (7)TnUI and then (17)Errinundera in its final two games. Fans have already begun to gather in the stadium for tomorrow's home game against TnUI, which is undoubtedly the most important football game in Timway's hisotry. Expect a sea of black and orange in the stands tomorrow, as the government has only allowed one token TnUI fan to purchase a ticket for the game. He will be shot in a public ceremony on the field afterwards if Timway loses.

OOC: Actually I can draw against you and still go through, the only way Timway will make it is if I lose both my matches and they win both of theirs.

IC: :P

tbh, even if you DO lose both and Timway win both (well the former is likely :p) you'll probably still go through as long as Vegemite dont win their last two games.

Go veggies! go timway! go quohog! go whoeverTnUIisplayingnext! woo!

Thanks for the kind thoughts. We shall do our best, just as Timway probably will, but I feel that one way or another, TnUI is making it through. Of course, they probably do deserve to go on, but all of us will do our best to see that doesn't happen. :D

Hmmm...looking at the tables -
IF the top two in each group go through
AND the top 6 of the 9 in third place go through
THEN there are three more teams who are through: Snub Nose 38 (26 points), Tanah Burung (26 points), and Copiosa Scotia (25 points)---
BECAUSE:
these are the best possible third place scores in the other 8 groups
Group 1 -> 24 (Timway 18 + 6)
Group 2 -> 23 (_AMP or Cobra Cult 17 + 6)
Group 3 -> 22 (Giant Zucchini or La Darien 16 + 6)
Group 4 -> 26 (Nevershadow 20 + 6)
Group 6 -> 25 (Bedistan 19+ 6)
Group 7 -> 24 (Vegemite 18 + 6)
Group 8 -> 25 (Gesamkuntswerk 19 + 6)
Group 9 -> 23 (Chakra 17 + 6)

Since 5 of these are less than the 25 points Copiosa Scotia currently has, all three top teams in Group 5 are through regardless of what order we finish in, or whether or not any of us wins another game.

In Snub Nose 38, the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages will rest easy tonight.

Congratualtions are in order. Beer all around, on me. That's right drink up, drink it all! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Expect a sea of black and orange in the stands tomorrow, as the government has only allowed one token TnUI fan to purchase a ticket for the game. He will be shot in a public ceremony on the field afterwards if Timway loses.

If orphan Tim Way is shot, expect a very bad reaction. He was selected to go to the game as a practical joke and also because his parents both died in a bizarre golfing accident.

I guess I can pretty much assume I'm holding on by "percentage" points. 13 points isn't very much, and even if I win both my games, I'm sure I won't be picked because others already have more than 19 or have 19 at the moment. I do have a question though... will my rank improve at all? Or will I still be ranked 100 or even worse then 100? I don't think my team played too bad, compared to their position.

I guess I can pretty much assume I'm holding on by "percentage" points. 13 points isn't very much, and even if I win both my games, I'm sure I won't be picked because others already have more than 19 or have 19 at the moment. I do have a question though... will my rank improve at all? Or will I still be ranked 100 or even worse then 100? I don't think my team played too bad, compared to their position.

You will be under 80, i'll know better when the groups finish. Bedy best be right with the tables tho.

From what I can tell, if qualifying ended right now, which it doesn't, but if it did, your team would be ranked #58, so yes, it would improve.

And of course, I would notice an error while determining that -- Eauz is ahead of Albion Soviets, not behind. I assure you I determined that without TnUI's help. :P

I also noticed that mistake earlier, but thought, well maybe because of some fluke reason or another I should be behind that other team. I donno, but I can assume that my guess is correct now, that other people have seen it.

A little earlier than usual, but I haven't noticed any flurry of activity on the thread, so I figured, wot the hey?

Match day 13 results

Group 1
TnUI 1 Timway 1
Liverpool England 0 Hegemonia Polska 0
Mezitzia 3 LordSquall 5
Quohog 0 Errinundera 1

Group 2
Porvoo 1 _AMP 3
Iuthia 0 Audioslavia 2
Starving Children 1 Cobra Cult 2
Jay Cutter 4 Great White Sharks 3

Group 3
Oglethorpia 2 Giant Zucchini 2
Northern Kings 4 Eauz 0
BK_Samurai 2 Dark Outcasts 1
Albion Soviets 3 La Darien 0

Group 4
Communation 3 Tha Machine 1
Pure Evil 2 VA Industrialized 0
Nevershadow 0 Futililia 0
The Belmore Family 1 Lunatic Goofballs 2

Group 5
Nova Polonia 2 Tanah Burung 1
Copiosa Scotia 2 Snub Nose 38 1
Whorecore 1 Shaw Heath 1
Bubbasa the Great 2 Benjibouti 1

Group 6
The Midnight Armies 2 Haraki 2
Aquilla 2 Ironchefk 0
Alhana Catherine 1 Bedistan 2
Christofi 1 Runaway Moose 0

Group 7
Aves 0 Halfassedstates 4
Tiburon 2 Pavesia 3
Tintinnabulation 1 Dead Man 1
Malundar 4 Vegemite 0

Group 8
Dennisov 2 Australian Marsupials 1
Jurimaxistan 4 Crimson Sparta 2
Ravenspire 2 Gesamkuntswerk 1
One Red Dot 1 Busby 0

Group 9
The Lowland Clans 3 Lomina 3
Akbarland 4 Darkseed 3
Avina 2 Rave Shentavo 0
Dannland 0 Chakra 2

Nations that will pull an Al Quds during World Cup 6 (well, apart from the hosting thing):

Avina
BK_Samurai (oops, already gone)
Bubbasa the Great
Tintinnabulation

Nations that will pull an Aural Chaos:

Aves
Cobra Cult
Dannland
Futililia (may yet go AQ)
Hegemonia Polska (but they might surprise me)
Jurimaxistan
Lomina
Malundar (probable)
Porvoo (they did post a roster, but I'm dubious)
Shaw Heath
Starving Children
Whorecore (see: Porvoo)

Come on, kids... prove me wrong...

How many so far?

A worthy question. Well, lessee. I haven't noticed a post yet by any of these, so unless I missed one, the Aural Chaos prediction was 100% correct. Someone wanna check and see if Avina, Bubbasa, and Tintinnabulation are dead yet? Dead like poor Moola...

VICTORY NEEDED FOR TIMWAY TO ADVANCE

Timway, after a 1-1 draw with TnUI, sits in seventh out of the third place teams, a mere one place away from the presumed qualifying boundary. A victory against 17th ranked Errinundera tomorrow is now a must. Coach Alphonse Netko had this to say: "A draw against TnUI is a satisfactory result, since their team is so strong and highly rated, but we really needed a win to cement our place in the Cup. Errinundera is also a tough team, and we cannot look to the generosity of the hosts to give ourselves a chance to qualify via a third place group, we must show that we belong by winning tomorrow." With a draw, Timway still has a chance to qualify, albeit a small one that would be based upon goal differential.

Mezitzia loses once again *sigh*

The nation is definately out of this world cup but is still hoping for a ranking for the next WC. All three victories have come against ranked teams (Errinundera 1, TnUI 2) yet the national team has not been able to do much of anything against the other newcomers. The last game we hope, will be a win and a finish to our first tournament ever.

Nations that will pull an Al Quds during World Cup 6 (well, apart from the hosting thing):

Avina
BK_Samurai (oops, already gone)
Bubbasa the Great
Tintinnabulation


How many so far?

A worthy question. Well, lessee. I haven't noticed a post yet by any of these, so unless I missed one, the Aural Chaos prediction was 100% correct. Someone wanna check and see if Avina, Bubbasa, and Tintinnabulation are dead yet? Dead like poor Moola...

Avina is dead.

Bubbasa was active just 8 hours ago.

Tintinnabulation has been inactive for 23 days.

Sweet revenge on Ironchefk, they beat me 5-0, sending me from #2 to #6 :o :x :evil:

..."In response to Errinundera's complaints about their visit to our fair country, we can offer no explanation. We would suggest that the official who approached longipesp was acting on his own. The New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism is actually required reading in Quohog which has never had a banned book list. Of course, if anyone actually attempted to follow any of the ideas in the book... But on a happier note, we are certain that following an investigation, the custom official will be found guilty and handed over to Errinundera for whatever punishment they deem fit..."

Following the interview, a tribunal found the customs official guilty. He was sent off to Errinundera, and his family up to his third cousins were put to death.

:shock:

Following the interview, a tribunal found the customs official guilty. He was sent off to Errinundera, and his family up to his third cousins were put to death.

Oh, that's going to make the Errinundrians real happy. Oh yeah.

<OOC>Speaking of Errinundera, I've been noticing pix of Errinundrians in recent posts. And maybe it's just me, but I'm a bit shocked to learn they're not a nation of Sasquatch. Have those pix been altered? Or do they look different from the neck down?</OOC>

<OOC>I've been away a couple of days.<OOC>

Re Quohog all I can say right now is :shock:

What is Sasquatch?

Current Standings After Matchday Thirteen

[code:1:3d6dfda169]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 13 12 0 1 40 11 +29 36
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 13 7 3 3 26 13 +13 24
Timway 13 5 4 4 26 28 -2 19
Errinundera (17) 13 4 5 4 20 18 +2 17
Liverpool England 13 4 4 5 19 21 -2 16
LordSquall 13 4 3 6 26 35 -9 15
Mezitzia 13 3 2 8 17 24 -7 11
Hegemonia Polska 13 1 3 9 15 39 -24 6

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 13 8 4 1 32 16 +16 28
_AMP 13 5 5 3 29 26 +3 20
Cobra Cult 13 6 2 5 28 30 -2 20
Great White Sharks 13 5 4 4 33 26 +7 19
Jay Cutter 13 5 3 5 27 31 -4 18
Starving Children 13 4 4 5 25 29 -4 16
Porvoo 13 4 2 7 26 27 -1 14
Iuthia 13 2 2 9 19 34 -15 8

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 13 9 4 0 32 14 +18 31
Dark Outcasts (42) 13 7 2 4 28 22 +6 23
Northern Kings 13 4 6 3 25 23 +2 18
Giant Zucchini (10) 13 5 2 6 21 20 +1 17
La Darien (36) 13 4 4 5 17 21 -4 16
Albion Soviets 13 4 2 7 24 28 -4 14
Eauz 13 4 1 8 17 26 -9 13
BK_Samurai 13 3 3 7 17 27 -10 12

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 13 10 1 2 34 15 +19 31
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 13 8 1 4 25 16 +9 25
Nevershadow 13 6 3 4 23 23 0 21
Pure Evil (22) 13 5 2 6 23 22 +1 17
Futililia 13 5 2 6 22 28 -6 17
Communation 13 4 2 7 26 31 -5 14
VA Industrialized 13 3 3 7 19 29 -10 12
Tha Machine 13 2 4 7 21 29 -8 10

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 13 9 1 3 31 20 +11 28
Snub Nose 38 (20) 13 8 2 3 32 16 +16 26
Tanah Burung (8) 13 8 2 3 25 15 +10 26
Nova Polonia 13 4 5 4 28 32 -4 17
Shaw Heath 13 4 3 6 16 24 -8 15
Benjibouti 13 3 2 8 27 29 -2 11
Whorecore 13 2 5 6 21 29 -8 11
Bubbasa the Great 13 3 2 8 17 32 -15 11

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 13 9 2 2 22 9 +13 29
Ironchefk (9) 13 7 1 5 27 18 +9 22
Bedistan (27) 13 6 4 3 23 16 +7 22
Haraki (29) 13 5 4 4 24 18 +6 19
Aquilla 13 5 3 5 17 24 -7 18
Christofi (28) 13 3 4 6 16 24 -8 13
Alhana Catherine (48) 13 2 5 6 19 23 -4 11
The Midnight Armies 13 2 3 8 20 36 -16 9

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 13 8 3 2 32 14 +18 27
Malundar 13 8 3 2 30 19 +11 27
Dead Man (58) 13 5 3 5 26 25 +1 18
Vegemite 13 5 3 5 23 24 -1 18
Pavesia 13 4 4 5 29 30 -1 16
Tiburon 13 6 1 6 19 22 -3 16
Tintinnabulation 13 4 2 7 21 33 -12 14
Aves 13 3 1 9 16 29 -13 10

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 13 8 4 1 26 12 +14 28
Dennisov (14) 13 6 5 2 25 15 +10 23
Ravenspire (24) 13 6 3 4 21 18 +3 21
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 13 5 4 4 20 19 +1 19
Busby 13 5 2 6 18 21 -3 17
Crimson Sparta 13 3 3 7 16 23 -7 12
Jurimaxistan 13 3 3 7 20 32 -12 12
Australian Marsupials 13 3 2 8 15 21 -6 11

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 13 7 5 1 37 26 +11 26
Dannland 13 6 3 4 27 25 +2 21
Chakra (70) 13 5 5 3 26 23 +3 20
The Lowland Clans 13 5 3 5 32 32 0 18
Avina 13 5 2 6 26 29 -3 17
Rave Shentavo 13 4 4 5 24 25 -1 16
Darkseed 13 3 3 7 25 31 -6 12
Lomina 13 3 3 7 22 28 -6 12

Third Place Standings P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 13 8 2 3 25 15 +10 26
Bedistan (27) 13 6 4 3 23 16 +7 22
Ravenspire (24) 13 6 3 4 21 18 +3 21
Nevershadow 13 6 3 4 23 23 0 21
Chakra (70) 13 5 5 3 26 23 +3 20
Cobra Cult 13 6 2 5 28 30 -2 20
Timway 13 5 4 4 26 28 -2 19
Northern Kings 13 4 6 3 25 23 +2 18
Dead Man (58) 13 5 3 5 26 25 +1 18[/code:1:3d6dfda169]

No, zat damn moose finally took him over ze deep end. :x

Hee hee hee! Moose... Natasha... Boris. Someone send for Rocket J. Squirrel!

(In a squeaky voice) Aww. That trick never works.

<OOC>Sasquatch, also called Bigfoot. Don't they have those in Oz? I naturally assumed that "Longfoots" was a play on "Bigfoot." If this still isn't meaning anything to you, I'll send you a link.</OOC>

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.

President Louis Gilsterson: My fellow Gilmeecians, assembled journalists, I come before you today to speak of some sad and shocking events that have occurred these last couple of days. First, and I know this’ll be as big an utter shock to you as it was to me, today my poor cousin Moola Gilsterson was found dead in a bin out behind the S-mart. How he got there, no one knows. Hell, nobody even knew he was dead! And I’ll be damned if they can figure out how or when he died. But there you have it. Now, I’d also like to take the opportunity right now to deny any allegations, being levelled primarily by my Aunt Mabel, that I told her on the phone that Moola was dead. How could I have done that? I was in the middle of broadcasting the big football game when he died. Or, that is, we presume that’s when he died. There’s no way to know for sure, ‘cause he’s been lying around in a dumpster for the last few days, getting nasty. Now obviously, if I’d known Moola was dead, I would have let my Aunt Mabel know it right away. But I didn’t, so I didn’t. So there you have it. Mr. Lemson’s gone back to Lemmitania, and he took that kid Glick with him, so I don’t see how there could be any witnesses to this alleged phone call I never made to Mabel. Clearly that never happened.

Okay then. On to the next shocking and saddening event. Unfortunately, it seems that the sporting spirit is dead in Gilmeecia. Trampled, I reckon, by the Brazillican football team. Seems our beloved Kickfooters couldn’t handle the pressure. Well, okay, I could deal with that. If our even more beloved Pokestabbers weren’t stinkin’ up the First International Piercing Tourney! Now, somehow, those bums who used to be our national heroes have stumbled their way into the final. They’re facing Tanah Burung, the same team that whipped ‘em in the opening match. Nobody’s beaten those Burungers yet. Makes me want to retch! That should be us up there in first place with our name in lights!

Well, apparently mediocrity carries the day in Gilmeecia. Tonight is the Piercing championship. And I will not go back on my promise to whack the entire team if they lose. So I leave it to them to decide what they want to do. Now, I think I have time for a couple of questions from the peanut gallery. Blintz?

BM: Mr. President, is it possible that your cousin Moola actually did die during the football game against Brazillico?

Pres: Don’t be silly! If he died, how’d he get into the dumpster?

BM: So you’re saying that he climbed into the dumpster and then died?

Pres: You have an alternate theory, Blintz?

BM: Well, sir, there have been reports of zombies overrunning the countryside...

Pres: Okay let’s just cut off that line of speculation right there. Now, number one: there are no zombies. We thoroughly researced it, and the entire zombie scare can be traced back to an offhanded comment made by yours truly during a press conference right here in this very room. Number two: Any zombies that have been spotted have been contained. Even though we know for a fact that there are no zombies, we’ve napalmed over seven hundred acres of plains, forests, and homes that were suspected of possible zombie infestation. Number three: If Moola’s a zombie, how come he’s not out eating people’s brains right now? Okay, somebody else. Gillian.

GG: Where is your cousin’s body now, sir?

Pres: He’s right here. Right in this box. And after the press conference, we’re gonna bury him right in the ground. And just to make sure he doesn’t claw his way back to the surface, we’re gonna pour concrete into the grave instead of filling it with dirt. So that should take care of that. No more questions. I’ve had enough.

Group 5
Nova Polonia 2 Tanah Burung 1
Copiosa Scotia 2 Snub Nose 38 1


Not happy about this. No sir, not happy at all. Bring on the RP'ing bonus!

DAILY CROCODILE
"It seems that Nova Polonia has our number," Bi Kikere said after Tanah Burung lost for the second time to the unknown Nova Polones... Nova Polonii... Nova Poles. "There is of course, a certain satisfaction in seeing Snub Nose 20 lose, but our qualification is now in question. Failure will not be tolerated." Rumour has it that if the Crocs do not make it into the World Cup, they will be punished witha transfer to the national competitive piercing team.

The Crocs' only goal was scored on a penalty kick by van Esterik, who was red-carded later in the match and will sit out the final qualifier against Benjibouti. Complimentary shipments of mind-altering drugs have been offered to the Copiosa Scotia players, who so far have not returned this reporter's calls. Playing it close to the chest, those Scotians.

What is Sasquatch?

Sasquatch = what the rest of the world calls "Bigfoot."

http://www.lazerfilm.com/images/bigfoot/sasquatch.jpg

<OOC>Sasquatch, also called Bigfoot. Don't they have those in Oz? I naturally assumed that "Longfoots" was a play on "Bigfoot." If this still isn't meaning anything to you, I'll send you a link.</OOC>

<OOc>Please forgive my ignorance. Now I understand. And no, we are not a nation of oversized neanderthals. I've got to catch up on some match reports but first...<OOC>

ERRINUNDERA

DEFEATED

QUOHOG

:twisted:

<OOc>Please forgive my ignorance. Now I understand. And no, we are not a nation of oversized neanderthals. I've got to catch up on some match reports but first...<OOC>

Neanderthals? Who said anything about neanderthals? There's no shame in being Sasquatch. Certainly it's no worse than being Yeti. Or elves, for that matter. And plenty of people in NS are elves. I'd have been proud to be a Sasquatch. Hmm... Maybe it's time to found another nation...

This deserves to be at the top of the page.
ERRINUNDERA

DEFEATED

QUOHOG

:twisted:

:twisted:

<OOC>Sasquatch, also called Bigfoot. Don't they have those in Oz? I naturally assumed that "Longfoots" was a play on "Bigfoot." If this still isn't meaning anything to you, I'll send you a link.</OOC>

<OOc>Please forgive my ignorance. Now I understand. And no, we are not a nation of oversized neanderthals. I've got to catch up on some match reports but first...<OOC>

ERRINUNDERA

DEFEATED

QUOHOG

:twisted:


Queen Lois Gryphonheart speaking on the phone to some official in the Errinunderan government who's name she will surely not remember, "Oh, congratulations, it was a well fought game. Your team played great, you really deserved it. Oh, by the way, what did you end up doing to the customs official? Hmmm... alright, I have pressing affairs of state to attend to. Once again, congrats.

Chief Consort and Prime Minister Peter Gryphonheart, come here immediately!"

"Yes dear?"

"I want you to do whatever you can to humble Errinundera, but do it quietly. I want their government brought down in the next 30 years, but none must know that we were involved. Have the country brought to its knees and then torn apart! See to it!"

"Yes dear, I'll start immediately. The word will soon be out to our agents and factors in Errinundera and all of their trading partners, they'll know what to do."

"Good, now leave me."

Quohog coach Lauren Silko had this to say about the team's recent loss: "Look, we lost to a ranked team, there is no shame in that. After all, we had already beaten them. Besides, we are sure to exit qualifying with the best record out of any team, and that is a real accomplishment. We would have loved to have won all of our games, but losing to a team as good as Errinundera is something that a team needs to expect now and again. They've proven that we're beatable, now we have to prove that one defeat won't unhing us. Anyways, I mean, come on! They only beat us by a point. No big deal. Now get that *#!^%* camera out of my face and leave me alone."

She then proceeded to beat up two of the reporters in an apparent fit of rage.

News item from the First Creek Falls Age:

http://www.theage.com.au/images/mast1.gif

QUOHOG BUREAUCRAT
GRANTED ASYLUM
IN ERRINUNDERA

http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/mccarthy/j-mccarthy.jpg

Upset "Potoroo" misses defeat of Quohog

Former Quohog customs official Joe McCarthy (pictured above) arrived unannounced at the McKillops Bridge river docks early yesterday morning and immediately sought political asylum with the city mayor, hummingb. Errinundera's Protector of Immigration, maribyrnongd, granted asylum later that morning.

At a news conference maribyrnongd said that despite the likelihood that Quohog had dumped McCarthy in Errinundera it was clear that he was in terror of his life. "All his relatives up to his third cousin have been executed. It seems it's all because he wasn't fully conversant with Quohog's high school reading lists. We in the Errinundera government, and I know we are speaking for all Errinundrians, are astonished and appalled."

McCarthy declared that all his misconceptions about Errinundera had evaporated within hours of arriving here. "The Quohog government have always portrayed your nation as a hotbed of political fundamentalists and a breeding ground for international terrorists. In reality, I've never before met such a bunch of laid back dudes. I mean here I am, a complete stranger, coming downstream from over the border. There are no border guards as I sail into Errinundera. At the docks there are no customs officials, just a sign requesting new arrivals to leave meat, leather products, guns and cars in the bin provided. The mayor invites me in for breakfast with her family and lends me her phone to talk with the Immigration Protector. I like it here so much I'm even going to adopt an Errinundrian style name, mccarthyismo."

Star Errinundrian striker, longipesp - also affectionately known as "Potoroo", is apparently not so sanguine. It was mccarthyismo's seizure of her book, A New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism, and his ill-advised threats that led to the utter destruction of his family. longipesp is under sedation at the Julius and Ethel Rosenberg Sanitorium in Rodger River. Team mates have reported that, prior to her collapse, she promised that she would donate all her WC6 earnings to Quohog's underground organization, "Justice! Now".

This affair has co-incided with the Quohog national team's visit to Errinundera for round 13 of the World Cup 6 qualifying matches. As a mark of respect for mccarthyismo's family, no fans attended the match at Frosty Hollow and the Errinundrian players, minus the distraught longipesp, wore black armbands for the occasion.

The match was dominated by a spectacular electrical storm that enveloped the empty stadium. As the Quohog officials approached their dugout prior to the game it was struck by lightning. Fortunately no-one was injured. Early in the game another bolt of lightning hit the Quohog goal. Again, fortunately, no-one was close enough to be injured but, in the ensuing confusion, antarcticad skipped past a terrified Quohog goalie and scored the only goal of the match.

The Quohog team have been given trauma counselling by Errinundrian social workers prior to their departure. Whether their distress is due to the behaviour of their government, the lightning bolts, or losing their first match of the qualifying series is not clear.

Quohog's Information Minister Baanes Dosti gave the official Quohog reply to the news that Joe McCarthy has been granted asylum by Errinundera. His first words were spoken directly to McCathy in what Dosti claimed was an ancient Quohog language which sounded modern, but had a totally different meaning. He said, "McCathy, you are dead. As of this moment on, every step and breath you take is borrowed time. You have humiliated your government, and we will see you hunted down." When asked for a translation, Dosti claimed that it came out to something along the lines of, "Enjoy your stay in Errinundera."

Dosti also commented on Quohog's recent loss to Errinundera: "We had a great game. The weather did effect our players, and we think we probably would have won without it, but it was a great game. In a gesture of goodwill to Errinundera's players, we're going to send a gift of all relevant material relating to 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism, along with some books relating to underground wars and terrorist attack styles to longipesp, aka Potoroo. We also plan on sending her a one million dollar check, and lifetime immunity and citizenship in Quohog. If she ever comes back, she will be treated like a queen and allowed to do whatever she wants. On the subject of the so-called "Justice! Now" group, we can only say that if it exists, our government would never support it. Hmmm... on second thought, why dont we send 10 million to longipesp. She has a rather large fan base here in Quohog. We respect her abilities as a player, and her disregard for rules."

With injured strike our PE win match
To the nations that thought the broken foot was false we have the Results.

With the striker in Question out PE have Won 2-0 in a great display of soccer but unfortunatly the clumsy person that dropped the tape was done it again.

It's a thundery evening as notorious Nazi leader henryg scurries across the skywalks on his way home from another fruitless day trying to start a riot outside the Frosty Hollow National Stadium. How was he to know that the citizenry of Errinundera would spontaneously boycott the match against Quohog? The lightning there had frightened the bejeesus out of him. Now, however, the large parcel of hot food from the local chippery is warm against his side. Nazi or no, henryg is a good family man. Deep fried smoked tofu for his wife, evab, a vegie burger for his eldest, lenir, tempeh cakes for paisleyi, a gluten steak sandwich for himself, and chips all round.

Here's his home now, atop a giant shining gum on the southern outskirts of First Creek Falls. Even at this distance they have a view of the falls. The children are jumping up and down with excitement as he receives a peck on his cheek from evab. While he gets plates from the kitchen cupboard eva unwraps the newspaper covering the hot food. Then, as they all contentedly munch on their take away dinner his eyes fall upon the two week old news report that lies before him.

http://www.theage.com.au/images/mast1.gif

RAIN AND LIVERPOOL ENGLAND DAMPEN WORLD CUP HOPES

(Picture of referee blowing whistling and raising arm in heavy rain; LE players are prancing about in joy; Errinundrian players are downcast and bedraggled.)

(henryg remembers that miserable day. He and his followers had picketed the match. The messages on their banners had been washed out in the rain and afterwards he had come down with a terrible dose of the flu. He sniffles as he continues to read.)

100mm of rain fell during the WC6 qualifying match against Liverpool England at Frosty Hollow today. Completely at home in the conditions LE dominated the match and finished with a 2-1 victory. Some respectability was gained when antarcticad scored Errinundera's only goal in the 62nd minute but, by this stage, LE had complete control and cruised until the end of the match...

(henryg skips past the attempts at optimism from various Errinundrian team members but his eyes alight on the last paragraph.)

...Once again Errinundera's Protector of Sport, filthyl, has slammed the venue for these World Cup matches. "We've had sub-zero frost, impenetrable fog, a blizzard and now a re-run of Noah's flood. I suppose next we'll have lightning strikes. (henryg gives a bitter, ironic laugh at this.) We have sped up the re-construction of the McKillops Bridge Coliseum so that it will be ready for the "friendly" against Brazillico. We cannot have the current world champions playing in such attrocious conditions."

henryg wonders how he will get his team of blackshirts to McKillops Bridge.

Later, after the children have been put to bed and as he is reading at the kitchen table, evab comes up behind henryg, puts her arms around him and rubs her cheek against his. "Darling, I know you've had a lousy day - come with me." As she leads him to their bedroom he thinks he is the luckiest man in Errinundera.

Ravens Defeat Gesamtkuntswerk
Move Up to Third

Sargard, Ravenspire (AP) -- Football fans across the nation celebrated as last night marked an event that has become something of a tradition in Ravenspire's World Cup efforts: an upset victory. Last night's was particularly welcome, however, because of the team's relatively poor showing this year. Following several seasons undefeated in the qualifiers, the all-veteran team of Ravens opened abysmally, losing two games to unknown teams and sinking to last place in their group.

Over the course of the next few weeks, however, Ravenspire worked to improve its position. Aided by the return of star striker Zhen Sui-Ling midway through the qualifiers, the crimson and black had amassed a 5-3-4 record prior to yesterday's game, placing the team in fourth place among a narrow spread.

The victory against Gesamtkuntswerk, rated third before the match with a 5-4-3 record, proved difficult; the visitors scored the first goal, only ten minutes into the first half. Foxgirl phenom Kaede Kitsuki, the team's high scorer in this year's games, equalized the score five minutes later, heading the ball past the Gesamtkuntswerk keeper. Fourteen minutes after that, Amara Akizuki managed to slip a goal past, bringing the score to 2-1, where it remained until the game's conclusion. A tense moment came in the second half, when Gesamtkuntswerk was awarded a penalty kick on a call against midfielder April Schauer, but keeper Zhen Bao successfully defended the goal. Schauer drew a yellow card for the infraction.

"The team did well today," Zhen Sui-Ling said after the game. "If we win against Crimson Sparta, we're in; if we draw, we're probably still in. Gesamtkuntswerk would have to win by at least three goals."

Teammate Kaede Kitsuki was quick to add, "We're not going to take it lightly, though. We know we can't afford to lose, if Gesamtkunstwerk wins, and we're all working on the assumption that they will. We'll just have to do better against Crimson Sparta, this time around."

Fans are counting on the team to do just that.

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini slips back to 4th place with a 2-2 tie with current leader Oglethorpia. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I must say our team played well today, but we were up against one of the most on form teams in this competition, so a draw is quite adequate. However, we must not let this dampen our spirits, we must chase for our goal, and now, it is qualifying."

Errinundera must defeat Timway in Timway to overtake them and finish third in group 1. Timway need only draw to retain their position. Even if Errinundera do win they may not have sufficiently good stats to be in the top 6 3rd place finishers.
:?

<OOc>Please forgive my ignorance. Now I understand. And no, we are not a nation of oversized neanderthals. I've got to catch up on some match reports but first...<OOC>

Neanderthals? Who said anything about neanderthals? There's no shame in being Sasquatch. Certainly it's no worse than being Yeti. Or elves, for that matter. And plenty of people in NS are elves. I'd have been proud to be a Sasquatch. Hmm... Maybe it's time to found another nation...

Our apologies to any yetis, elves and oversized neanderthals. We especially apologize to the future nation of Sasquatch.
:? :oops:

[color=brown]...Once again Errinundera's Protector of Sport, filthyl, has slammed the venue for these World Cup matches. "We've had sub-zero frost, impenetrable fog, a blizzard and now a re-run of Noah's flood. I suppose next we'll have lightning strikes.

You need an indoor arena :D Is the McKillops Bridge Colosseum indoors?

Fritz Xoom, wearing a white t-shirt with black lettering saying, 'Scamperfied' sits at the press conference after the game against The Belmore Family. He descrided his performance(both goals in the 2-1 victory) as 'deliciosly scamperific' and has suggested that he should change his name to simply the one word, Scamperific.

We recently had an opportunity to talk to Dennis Xoom, Fritz's older brother, and retired Team Goofball forward. When told about his brother's plans to change his name to Scamperific, his response was, 'My brother's been kicked once too many times in the head. I wouldn't be surprised to see him boinking parking meters next like our dear departed Uncle Jeff used to.'

While it is not unusual for a Goofballian to exhibit odd behavior, it is very odd for a Goofballian to develop am international following. Having scored 19 goals this Cup is an amazing accomplishment, and Fritz Xoom posters and other merchandise are in high demand worldwide.

Fritz 'Scamperific' Xoom takes his fame in stride. He seems more interested in his odd antics and promotion of the word, 'scamperific' in general, and it's use as a description for himself in specific to really pay much attention to the cameras that seem to be trained on him more and more wherever he goes. If his brother, Dennis is correct though, and Fritz follows in the footsteps of the late great Goofballian goalie, Jeff 'Hornier Than Thou' Xoom, then it might be a good idea to have censors in place.

How many games left in qualification? 3?

How many games left in qualification? 3?

one, im already through :D

great, the Cup can start soon! Congrats on finally getting in again.

Current Standings After Matchday Thirteen

[code:1:4c88170e18]Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 13 9 1 3 31 20 +11 28
Snub Nose 38 (20) 13 8 2 3 32 16 +16 26
Tanah Burung (8) 13 8 2 3 25 15 +10 26
Nova Polonia 13 4 5 4 28 32 -4 17
Shaw Heath 13 4 3 6 16 24 -8 15
Benjibouti 13 3 2 8 27 29 -2 11
Whorecore 13 2 5 6 21 29 -8 11
Bubbasa the Great 13 3 2 8 17 32 -15 11

Third Place Standings P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung (8) 13 8 2 3 25 15 +10 26
Bedistan (27) 13 6 4 3 23 16 +7 22
Ravenspire (24) 13 6 3 4 21 18 +3 21
Nevershadow 13 6 3 4 23 23 0 21
Chakra (70) 13 5 5 3 26 23 +3 20
Cobra Cult 13 6 2 5 28 30 -2 20
Timway 13 5 4 4 26 28 -2 19
Northern Kings 13 4 6 3 25 23 +2 18
Dead Man (58) 13 5 3 5 26 25 +1 18[/code:1:4c88170e18]

* - - - - - - - - - - - - * :shock:

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages sits on his folding chair, behind his card table, jaw agape, astounded look on his face. The morning "Scuttlebutt" lies open to the sports pages in front of him

Margaret is standing a few feet away, rubber chicken in one hand, leather pouch with two eagle feathers in the other. A tear rolls down her cheek. She is holding the morning "Scuttlebutt" sports pages with the rubber chicken.

Ben Dover is lying flat on his back in his darkened living room, motionless, eyes closed. The morning "Scuttlebutt" sports pages are clutched in his left hand.

Eileen Dover is sitting at the kitchen table, blank faced, untouched drink on the table in front of her. Her copy of "Scuttlebutt" is lying on the kitchen floor behind her.

The article they've all just read begins:

"The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, and the Tanah Burung Crocodiles, were both rudely awakened by the results of yesterdays World Cup 6 Qualifying Matches. Almost since qualifying began the top spot in Group 5 has belonged to one side or the other, with the other side holding the second spot. As a result of yesterdays losses by both the Hooligans and the Crocodiles, and the win by Copiosa Scotia continuing their run of excellent play, neither the Hooligans nor the Crocs hold the top spot.

Copiosa Scotia does - by a margin of two points, with one game to go.

Nova Polonia beat Tanah Burung 2 to 1, while it was Copiosa Scotia that beat Snub Nose 38 by the same score line. The Hooligans are now in second, and the Crocodiles in third. While all three sides are through to the actual World Cup, both Snub Nose 38 and Tanah Burung are shocked. The Dark Horse is positioned to win the race.

"There is no joy in Mudville." "

'Game of the day' theme tune fades

Gary Lunkier : Hello and wdelcome to our round-up of whats been happening in the WC6 qualifiers. With just one game left, theres still a lot to be sorted, so lets have a quick run through the groups. Alun, what's been happening?

Alun Hansun : Well Gary, Group 1 is going as we thought it would at halfway. Quohog have walked away with the group and are possibly the team of the qualifing round with an amazing 36 pts out of a possible 39!
TnUI have secured qualification in 2nd, with Timway and Errinundera still in with a shout of making it via 3rd.
[code:1:cab729e514]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 13 12 0 1 40 11 +29 36
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 13 7 3 3 26 13 +13 24
Timway 13 5 4 4 26 28 -2 19
Errinundera (17) 13 4 5 4 20 18 +2 17
Liverpool England 13 4 4 5 19 21 -2 16
LordSquall 13 4 3 6 26 35 -9 15
Mezitzia 13 3 2 8 17 24 -7 11
Hegemonia Polska 13 1 3 9 15 39 -24 6[/code:1:cab729e514]

In grroup 2, Audioslavia have made it in style this time, trailing in their wake, _AMP, Cobra Cult, Great White Sharks and Jay Cutter are all still in with a chance of taking the 2nd automatic spot and of course there is still the bonus ball 3rd place to think of as well. I have a feeling that _AMP and Great White Sharks will take 2nd and 3rd.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 13 8 4 1 32 16 +16 28
_AMP 13 5 5 3 29 26 +3 20
Cobra Cult 13 6 2 5 28 30 -2 20
Great White Sharks 13 5 4 4 33 26 +7 19
Jay Cutter 13 5 3 5 27 31 -4 18
Starving Children 13 4 4 5 25 29 -4 16
Porvoo 13 4 2 7 26 27 -1 14
Iuthia 13 2 2 9 19 34 -15 8[/code:1:cab729e514]

Oglethorpia have walked through group 3 - they would have to be another contender for team of the qualifiers having still to lose a game. Behind them, our oppoents from the last qualifiers, Dark Outcasts, have made it through in 2nd, with Northern Kings currently in 3rd, but looking unlikly to make it into the finals.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 13 9 4 0 32 14 +18 31
Dark Outcasts (42) 13 7 2 4 28 22 +6 23
Northern Kings 13 4 6 3 25 23 +2 18
Giant Zucchini (10) 13 5 2 6 21 20 +1 17
La Darien (36) 13 4 4 5 17 21 -4 16
Albion Soviets 13 4 2 7 24 28 -4 14
Eauz 13 4 1 8 17 26 -9 13
BK_Samurai 13 3 3 7 17 27 -10 12[/code:1:cab729e514]

Group 4 has the final contender for team of the qualifiers, in the shape of The Belmore Family, who stormed the group early on and have been able to coast in recent games knowing qualification is safe. The Goofballs, after a very uninspiring and quite start have came through to claim 2nd, while the relativly unknown Nevershadow are hoping for the 3rd place qualification spot
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 13 10 1 2 34 15 +19 31
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 13 8 1 4 25 16 +9 25
Nevershadow 13 6 3 4 23 23 0 21
Pure Evil (22) 13 5 2 6 23 22 +1 17
Futililia 13 5 2 6 22 28 -6 17
Communation 13 4 2 7 26 31 -5 14
VA Industrialized 13 3 3 7 19 29 -10 12
Tha Machine 13 2 4 7 21 29 -8 10[/code:1:cab729e514]

Group 5 has been dominated by the three seeded teams, and while Copiosa Scotia have the edge at the minute, all three look certain to qualify, but the 3 could finish in any order.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 13 9 1 3 31 20 +11 28
Snub Nose 38 (20) 13 8 2 3 32 16 +16 26
Tanah Burung (8) 13 8 2 3 25 15 +10 26
Nova Polonia 13 4 5 4 28 32 -4 17
Shaw Heath 13 4 3 6 16 24 -8 15
Benjibouti 13 3 2 8 27 29 -2 11
Whorecore 13 2 5 6 21 29 -8 11
Bubbasa the Great 13 3 2 8 17 32 -15 11[/code:1:cab729e514]

Runaway Moose clinched group 6 a few games ago, but who will join them? Ironchefk and Bedistan both have 22pts going into the final game, and with only 2 goals separating the sides, a large win for either side could seal their progression
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 13 9 2 2 22 9 +13 29
Ironchefk (9) 13 7 1 5 27 18 +9 22
Bedistan (27) 13 6 4 3 23 16 +7 22
Haraki (29) 13 5 4 4 24 18 +6 19
Aquilla 13 5 3 5 17 24 -7 18
Christofi (28) 13 3 4 6 16 24 -8 13
Alhana Catherine (48) 13 2 5 6 19 23 -4 11
The Midnight Armies 13 2 3 8 20 36 -16 9[/code:1:cab729e514]

Our own group, sees Malundar hot on our heels since their victory over us a few games back. Halfassed should be able to hold 1st spot with a win in the last match, as Malundar has a poorer goal difference, but any kind of slip-up would see us knocked off top spot at the last minute. The good thing is that both teams have qualified, unfortunatly it looks very unlikly that Dead Man will make it from 3rd.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 13 8 3 2 32 14 +18 27
Malundar 13 8 3 2 30 19 +11 27
Dead Man (58) 13 5 3 5 26 25 +1 18
Vegemite 13 5 3 5 23 24 -1 18
Pavesia 13 4 4 5 29 30 -1 16
Tiburon 13 6 1 6 19 22 -3 16
Tintinnabulation 13 4 2 7 21 33 -12 14
Aves 13 3 1 9 16 29 -13 10[/code:1:cab729e514]

Another of our sparring partners from the last cup have claimed the title of group 8 champs, One Red Dot. Behind them, Dennisov and Ravenspire are battling it out for 2nd, with Dennisov looking favourite to claim the automatic spot.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 13 8 4 1 26 12 +14 28
Dennisov (14) 13 6 5 2 25 15 +10 23
Ravenspire (24) 13 6 3 4 21 18 +3 21
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 13 5 4 4 20 19 +1 19
Busby 13 5 2 6 18 21 -3 17
Crimson Sparta 13 3 3 7 16 23 -7 12
Jurimaxistan 13 3 3 7 20 32 -12 12
Australian Marsupials 13 3 2 8 15 21 -6 11[/code:1:cab729e514]

Akbarland have claimed the title of the best of the unknowns in group 9 ;) , with Dannland just ahead of Chakra in the battle for 2nd.
[code:1:cab729e514]
Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 13 7 5 1 37 26 +11 26
Dannland 13 6 3 4 27 25 +2 21
Chakra (70) 13 5 5 3 26 23 +3 20
The Lowland Clans 13 5 3 5 32 32 0 18
Avina 13 5 2 6 26 29 -3 17
Rave Shentavo 13 4 4 5 24 25 -1 16
Darkseed 13 3 3 7 25 31 -6 12
Lomina 13 3 3 7 22 28 -6 12[/code:1:cab729e514]

Should be an interesting weekend of games, may the best teams win!

GL : Indeed Alun, well thats all we've got time for tonight, hope you'll join us again soon for the final qualifying games. Good night.

From ANOTHER snipet of a Top Secret Report smuggled out of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

...out of Quohog immediately. Stay away from all Quohog players, managers, coaches, and their immediate families. Regardless of whether the mission was successful, or Quohogs loss to Errinundera was simply a football loss, the mission is terminated. All agents will return at once to...
-------------------------------------------
Again, Snub Nose 38 has absolutely no knowledge of where this came from, or what it is referring to. It did not happen. It will not happen. It is not happening.
:wink:

From ANOTHER snipet of a Top Secret Report smuggled out of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

...out of Quohog immediately. Stay away from all Quohog players, managers, coaches, and their immediate families. Regardless of whether the mission was successful, or Quohogs loss to Errinundera was simply a football loss, the mission is terminated. All agents will return at once to...
-------------------------------------------
Again, Snub Nose 38 has absolutely no knowledge of where this came from, or what it is referring to. It did not happen. It will not happen. It is not happening.
:wink:

:wink: Of course, the security teams are still on high alert.

Star striker Hill returns, draw in Timway secures World Cup place

Hill returned from his 5 match ban after a terrible tackle against some unknown Quohog player. He showed off his amazing skill right from the start, but didn’t score till the 12th minute, when he connected with a lovely cross from the wing. After that Timways defence tightened up and closed him down. Meanwhile at the other end Marry was making some fine saves, but he couldn’t stop a penalty in the 56th minute when Lemis brought down a Timway forward and was lucky to escape with a yellow. The final score Timway 1 TnUI 1.

OOC: Interesting side-note thats probably not relevant to anything.
In Group 5 -

Tanah Burung 2, Snub Nose 38 1
Tanah Burung 2, Snub Nose 38 0
&
Snub Nose 38 4, Nova Polonia 3
Snub Nose 38 5, Nova Polonia 0
&
Nova Polonia 2, Tanah Burung 1
Nova Polonia 3, Tanah Burung 1

Figure that one out.
:D

(it's like the kid's game "rock, paper, scissors"
tb always beats sn
sn always beats np
np always beats tb)

LMAO :D

Weird group eh? :D

It's very simple really. In our language, "nova polonia" means kryptonite.

It's very simple really. In our language, "nova polonia" means kryptonite.
LMAO :roll:

...Once again Errinundera's Protector of Sport, filthyl, has slammed the venue for these World Cup matches. "We've had sub-zero frost, impenetrable fog, a blizzard and now a re-run of Noah's flood. I suppose next we'll have lightning strikes.

You need an indoor arena :D Is the McKillops Bridge Colosseum indoors?

No, but it has a much better climate.

Currently we are constructing an underground stadium beneath the tors of Mount Ellery. It is hoped to have it completed for WC8.

3 days left too pull of a miracle

Hi All, I'm back from Venezuela, but I'll let Lem finish up qualifying just to make it hassle free. Yay.

Live from Kingsford, this is Mel Flanders for the Lemmitanian Radio Network bringing you coverage of World Cup Six. With the qualifying rounds ending around the world tonight, twenty-four teams will soon be joining the eight auto-qualifiers. First-round groups and fixtures should be announced in the next few days, and we’ll know who, when, and where your Lemmitania Lemmings will be playing. Tonight, I am joined in the studio by LRN’s own Clem Gilson and the “Dean of Lemmitanian sports,” Gil Lemson to discuss the World Cup Six edition of the Lemmings, the state of world football, and our chances in this Cup. Clem, Gil, good to have you with us.

Clem: Thanks, Mel, nice to be here in Kingsford.

Gil: Like ‘ell it’s good to ‘ave us with you. There you go, still puttin’ me ti’le in “quotation marks.” We already ‘ad words about that, Mel.

Clem: can you drop it, already?

Mel: I know I can. So Kingsford, host nation, is located here in the recently-established region of FIFA, an alliance of nations devoted to the game of football.

Clem: Plus Gilmeecia. Which was apparently founded by some yahoos after Gil’s offhand references to the “country” of Gilmeecia during the last Cup.

Gil: Gilmeecia’s been around for years.

Clem: Yeah. Four years.

Gil: Ka-PISH!

Clem: What the hell’s that?

Gil: Rim shot.

Clem: Oh.

Gil: Thot I was sayin’ I ‘ad to take a piss?

Clem: Why would you say that?

Gil: Mebbe ‘cause I do.

Clem: So you’re going to announce it on the air? And in such crude language?

Gil: No. Of course not.

Clem: Well then, why would I have thought you’d said that.

Gil: Wot are we talking about, again?

Mel: FIFA. It’s interesting that FIFA was founded by trio of the world’s most committed footballing nations-- Brazillico, along with Kingsford and Oglethorpia-- and then the very next nation to join was Gilmeecia. A country with no football clubs, no national team, not even a properly-mown field in which to play the game.

Clem: What’s up with that?

Gil: You know, I just got back from Gilmeecia. Called their friendly against Brazillico a couple weeks ago.

Clem: So I heard. And did you find that they have a strong commitment to the game?

Gil: To wot game?

Clem: Football.

Gil: In Gilmeecia? You must be kidding.

Clem: So why did they join FIFA?

Mel: People have been wondering that. Apparently, though, they have a new state-of-the-art national stadium under construction. It’s not clear who’s going to play there, as they have, as I said, no clubs.

Clem: Gil, what’s your sense of it?

Mel: You’re asking him a journalistic question?

Gil: Bugger off, Mel. I’m a journalist.

Clem: Of course you are. Just ignore his sniddity.

Gil: Sniddity?

Clem: The being-ness of “snide.” You know?

Gil: ‘ey, that’s pretty good, Clem. “Sniddity.” I like that.

Clem: Thanks. Every once in a while, I get to come up with one.

Gil: I can’t get ‘em all.

Clem: So, Gilmeecia: for real, or what?

Gil: Well, it’s real all right. But I don’t know about their commitment to football. I kind of get the idea that everything going on there is a scam of some sort. President Lou is a slick one. Seems like the sort ‘oo’d ‘ide bodies in dumpsters and wotnot.

Clem: What about this new national stadium they’re building?

Gil: I got a peek at the plans, and Lou ‘ad Ned drive me down to the construction site. It’s going to be a beaut, all right. But that ‘as more to do with the fact that it was designed by a team of Brazillican architects than anything. It’s supposed to ‘old thirty thousand, I understand.

Clem: A respectable size. A little small for the national stadium, maybe.

Gil: Yeh. Well, it ain’t too small for the Gilmeecian national stadium.

Clem: What do you mean?

Gil: I’m not sure I’m supposed tot alk about it. Review the tapes of me broadcast if you really want to know.

Clem: Okay. I don’t think I’ll bother doing that. How’d the game go, anyway?

Gil: I cannot say enough about the sportsmanship of those Brazillicos. That they let Gilmeecia off seven-nought was really very gentlemanly.

Clem: Not much of a game, then?

Gil: It ‘ad its entertaining moments.

Clem: So Brazillico’s looking good, you think? Poised to repeat?

Gil: Repetition’s a tough row to ‘oe, Clem. So I don’t know. One thing though.

Clem: What’s that?

Gil: They were playin’ their second team almost the entire game. So even if I’d been paying close attention to the action, I’m not sure I’d ‘ave gotten a good idea of the team’s abilities.

Mel: Speaking of Brazillico, let’s shift gears and discuss the Lemmings. As everyone knows, we lost to Brazillico in the final of World Cup Five. What are our chances this time out?

Clem: Well, we’re coming in ranked third in the world. It’s no accident; this is a very strong team.

Mel: Brazillico’s been playing a long series of friendlies leading up to the Cup. Meanwhile, the Lemmings haven’t played as a team in four years. Some in the Lemmitanian press have been suggesting that’s a mistake.

Clem: It’s been the same thing since our first entry into international play, in World Cup Three. After the Cup, the team disbands, and is reassembled four years later.

Mel: To be fair, it’s worked fine for us so far. But it’s a real question: how long can Lemmitania contend in World Cups without playing any other football at the international level?

Clem: Plus there’s a real push for professional league play in Lemmitania, now. We’ve got the new semi-pro game, since two years ago, and I guess we’ll talk a little more about that when we’re going over this year’s roster. But between Cups, we’re out of international play, and there are no divisions in the league; at least, not yet. It makes it a little hard to judge the quality of Lemmitania’s footballers.

Mel: Let’s talk a little about who’s old and who’s new. First, the returning faces. We’ve got Henny Henneman, the only member of the team who’s been on every one of Lemmitania’s World Cup squads.

Clem: Going all the way back to World Cup 3. He was just twenty-four years old back then, coming off his second season in the Lemmitanian Rugby Union. And now he’s thirty-seven. Retired from rugby two seasons ago, but he said he was game for one more World Cup.

Gil: It’s amazing ‘e still ‘as any knees at all.

Mel: Okay, you are forbidden from talking about “knee-joint breakdown” this time around, Gil.

Gil: Sez who? And ‘ow come you keep puttin’ “quotation marks” around things when you’re talking to me, Mel?

Mel: Sez me. And I do that to make clear my disdain for your idiotic ideas.

Gil: Okay, those are fightin’ words.

Clem: Boys, boys! We’re twenty minutes into the first broadcast out of Kingsford and already you two are ready for fisticuffs. This is ridiculous. Now both of you sit down and chill out.

Gil: ‘e’s been badmouthin’ me for the last four years, Clem, and I’ve bloody well ‘ad enough of it!

Mel: Badmouthing you? I’m just calling ‘em like I see ‘em! I don’t know how you got Gilson on your side, he seems like a serious enough broadcaster, but if he opened his eyes he’d be over here with Shemp and me!

Gil: Shemp?! Is ‘e in ‘ere?

Clem: He meant that metaphorically.

Gil: Oh. Whew! Thought maybe Shemp was stalking me

Clem: My eyes are open, Mel. I’m just objective.

Gil: Wot with ‘is vowing to kill me and all.

Mel: Shemp never vowed to kill you!

Gil: Wull, ‘e as good as did.

Clem: I never heard that. When did that happen?

Gil: Jus’ last month. After the ‘igh Court ‘anded down its decision.

Mel: Shemp hasn’t said one word to you since then.

Gil: ‘e didn’t ‘ave to say it in words. ‘e said it with ‘is evil eyeballs.

Clem: Shemp does have evil eyeballs, doesn’t he?

Gil: An’ beware if ‘e points ‘em at you.

Mel: Oh, so Shemp glared at you after the High Court decision. Big freaking deal. Don’t go and tell people he vowed to kill you.

Gil: ‘e did it mentally.

Mel: He did not!

Gil: ‘ow do you know? Do you an’ Shemp share a common mind?

Mel: That’s not the kind of thing Shemp would think.

Gil: Again, I ‘ave to ask: ‘ow do you know?

Clem: I think Gil has a point, Mel. Shemp strikes me as the vindictive type. Look at how far he pushed the whole thing.

Mel: How far he pushed? Lemson stole his title!

Gil: You’re not allowed to say that, Mel. You could be banned from broadcasting.

Clem: I don’t think that was part of the decision. Free speech is held pretty dear in Lemmitania. Which is the whole basis on which you won the right to be called “Dean of Lemmitanian sports.”

Gil: Wull, if I ‘ave the right to be called “Dean of sports,” then surely Mel doesn’t ‘ave the right to denounce my right. Right?

Clem: No, I think he can say whatever he wants.

Gil: Well then what the ‘ell did I just spend four years in an’ out of court for?

Clem: You won the right to be called “Dean of Lemmitanian sports.” That doesn’t mean Mel doesn’t have the right to claim you aren’t.

Gil: I don’t follow you.

Clem: Do you have lawyers?

Gil: Do I? More of ‘em than you could ‘it with a dead cat.

Clem: Didn’t they explain the case to you?

Gil: Many times. But lawyers don’t speak regular Lemmitananian. They use all kinds of special secret codes so as to make sure you can’t understand ‘em.

Clem: True enough. Well, do you want me to explain it to you?

Gil: Fire away.

Clem: Okay. Well, Shemp was the Dean of Lemmitanian sports for, like, thirty years. And then he retired, and you started using the title. So Shemp, believing that the title was, in effect, his property, having been officially bestowed on him by the Lemmitanian Sportswriters’ Association, asked the courts to issue a declaration that only the person bestowed with the title by the LSA could actually use the title. That was the lawsuit: you weren’t actually mentioned in it by name, at least originally. But he also asked a judge for an injunction barring you from using the title while the suit worked its way through the court system.

Gil: But I won.

Clem: The judge refused to issue the injunction, on the grounds that the LSA never trademarked the title. And an appeals court upheld that ruling a few months later.

Gil: That was around when Shemp launched ‘is all-out panzer assault on me character.

Clem: Yeah, after the appeal of the injunction, he went on Vin Lemsmus and really let you have it. Questioned your commitment to sports, among other things.

Gil: That was utterly uncalled-for, as anyone ‘oo’s ever ‘eard me call a World Cup match knows.

Clem: Well, there’s no point my arguing about that. You’ll just continue to believe whatever you’ve decided to believe, no matter what. And then the lower court heard Shemp’s case, and ruled once again that he couldn’t prevent you from using an un-trademarked title. You remember that? That was about three years ago.

Gil: I remember Mel testifyin’ against me.

Clem: He testified against you at every stage of the the case.

Gil: Wull, no wonder we’re sworn enemies.

Clem: I don’t believe Mel ever swore an oath against you. Did you, Mel?

Mel: The only oaths I ever swore were the ones in court: to tell the truth. And the truth is, Lemson doesn’t deserve the title “Dean of sports.”

Clem: Then the trademark litigation began. While Shemp was waiting for an appeals-court ruling on whether he could bar you from using the title, he tried to convince the LSA to trademark the title. But they didn’t want to get in he middle of it. In fact, they passed down a recommendation to their members--

Gil: Which includes us.

Clem: Yes, it does. They passed down a recommendation to their members to stop calling anyone the “Dean of Lemmitanian sports.”

Gil: A recommendation that I, personally, rejected.

Clem: And Monday Night Rugby started plugging you as Dean of sports just to milk the brouhaha for all it was worth. That was when Mel resigned from the show in a huff.

Mel: I wasn’t in a huff!

Clem: The hell you weren’t. So anyway, Shemp filed a trademark claim of his own, but your lawyers, being a savvy bunch of bastards, pulled some chicanery and managed to file a trademark claim on your behalf with a predate that put it earlier than Shemp’s claim. I still don’t understand how they did that. That was the first time Shemp truly went apeshit.

Gil: An’ tried to kill me.

Clem: Well, he might have, if you’d been in Lemmington at the time. But we were on the West Coast, in Limmburgh, for Monday Night. The tirade Shemp launched on Today with Lunk Mulligan really put a dent in his reputation. I think that’s when the tide of popular opinion began to turn in your favor.

Gil: People realized that I’m furry an’ lovable an’ Shemp is ‘airy an’ despicable.

Clem: Something like that. So the twin trademark cases were heard separately, and as yours was filed first, you got the first hearing. However, due to the disputes surrounding the title, the court wisely decided not to award you a trademark until all other case were resolved.

Gil: Which explains why I’m technically known as “Gil Lemson, Dean of Lemmitanian sports (trademark pending).”

Clem: Exactly. Though, now that the High Court has ruled, your trademark’s likely to go through any time.

Gil: So, now, wot was it exactly that the ‘igh Court still ‘ad to rule on?

Clem: That was the initial question, of whether Shemp could lay claim to the un-trademarked title. The appeals court eventually upheld the lower court decision on that one, a couple of years back. And since then your case was pending, and then getting argued before, the High Court on Shemp’s final appeal. And about a month ago, they handed down their ruling, upholding the original decision. As the Lemmitanian Sportswriters’ Association never trademarked the title, it was, as you described it, “up for grabs.” So right now, anyone who wants to can legally call themselves “Dean of Lemmitanian sports.” However, it looks very likely that the trademark case will turn out in your favor. By now, a lot of people have actually started calling you the Dean of sports. And that carries weight with the trademark people, apparently. So you may have managed to talk yourself right into it.

Gil: Anyroad, LRN’s on board with it. Puttin’ it in me contract and all.

Clem: Exactly.

Mel: This whole thing is utterly despicable.

Gil: Like Shemp.

Mel: You take that back!

Clem: All right, all right. Let’s break for some important messages.

Match day 14 results

Group 1
TnUI 3 Quohog 1
Liverpool England 3 LordSquall 1
Timway 0 Errinundera 3
Mezitzia 2 Hegemonia Polska 2

Group 2
Porvoo 2 Jay Cutter 2
Iuthia 0 Cobra Cult 3
_AMP 2 Great White Sharks 1
Starving Children 3 Audioslavia 2

Group 3
Oglethorpia 3 Albion Soviets 0
Northern Kings 0 Dark Outcasts 3
Giant Zucchini 2 La Darien 1
BK_Samurai 5 Eauz 1

Group 4
Communation 1 The Belmore Family 3
Pure Evil 2 Futililia 1
Tha Machine 0 Lunatic Goofballs 4
Nevershadow 1 VA Industrialized 2

Group 5
Nova Polonia 2 Bubbasa the Great 2
Copiosa Scotia 3 Shaw Heath 1
Tanah Burung 2 Benjibouti 2
Whorecore 4 Snub Nose 38 2

Group 6
The Midnight Armies 0 Christofi 1
Aquilla 0 Bedistan 2
Haraki 3 Runaway Moose 0
Alhana Catherine 2 Ironchefk 3

Group 7
Aves 0 Malundar 2
Tiburon 2 Dead Man 1
Halfassedstates 1 Vegemite 0
Tintinnabulation 3 Pavesia 2

Group 8
Dennisov 0 One Red Dot 1
Jurimaxistan 0 Gesamkuntswerk 1
Australian Marsupials 1 Busby 2
Ravenspire 1 Crimson Sparta 2

Group 9
The Lowland Clans 3 Dannland 4
Akbarland 1 Rave Shentavo 2
Lomina 2 Chakra 1
Avina 1 Darkseed 0

Well, after a great run, we lose the last two. However, we still retain the best record out of all the qualifiers, not bad at all.

News item from the The McKillops Bridge New Statesman:

http://www.newstatesman.com/graphics/ns/images/head_logo.gif

PULSE CAN STILL
BE DETECTED

ERRINUNDERA DEFEATS TIMWAY 3 NIL AWAY

(Photo of longipesp in middle of cartwheel.)

Football fans are feverishly awaiting the results from other WC6 qualifying matches to see if Lazarus has indeed been resurrected. From a seemingly hopeless position a few weeks ago Errinundera has gained 3rd place in group 1. Only 6 of the 9 3rd placegetters will qualify and, as the national team is coming from behind they will need to be fortunate. A 3 nil drubbing of Timway in Timway will certainly help.

Leading the way after a one-match absence longipesp scored two scinitillating goals in the first 15 minutes to demoralize the Timwayans. "It was obvious at the start of game that they were too pre-occupied with antarcticad," she said afterwards. "As a result I was given a lot of lattitude." antarcticad concurred. "They were very tight on me at the start with 2 and sometimes 3 defenders covering me. We anticipated that it would happen and I played a decoy role. longipesp played her part in the strategem beautifully. I'm beginning to feel that the 2 of us are developing a good understanding. With oreadest it always a case of each to his own." antarcticad broke his shackles and kicked the final goal in the 68th minute.

Elegant midfielder, moschatuma, who has been the most consistent player of the series put it bluntly. "It's sad, but they choked. They were defensive and tentative from the start. Being defensive was arguably the right tactic but they made so many unforced errors and bad judgements. They will learn. It happened to us in the final 32 last year with nitense's own goal."

Team captain and coach, fionar, praised the efforts of the team throughout the qualifiers. "It's been a difficult experience for the team this time round. We weren't everyone's darlings like last time. The away matches were a real eye-opener to put in mildly. The weather at Frosty Hollow was hardly conducive to anyone playing good football. But, the worst thing was the drug scandal. That really upset the team. Despite all these problems I think we did ourselves proud."

After 14 qualifiers I think the 9 3rd placed teams are:

[code:1:5fda8b13b1]
P W D L GF GA GD P
Snub Nose 38 14 8 2 4 34 20 +14 26
Bedistan 14 7 4 3 25 16 +9 25
Cobra Cult 14 7 2 5 31 30 +1 23
Gesamtkunstwerk 14 6 4 4 21 19 +2 22
Nevershadow 14 6 3 5 24 25 -1 21
Errinundera 14 5 5 4 22 17 +5 20
Chakra 14 5 5 4 27 25 +2 20
Giant Zucchini 14 6 2 6 23 21 +2 20
Dead Man 14 5 3 6 27 27 0 18[/code:1:5fda8b13b1]

This has been breathlessly calculated. I hope there's no errors. To put it mildly!
:? :)

OOC: Bah, stupid random number generator. 8)

Oh, well, I guess WC 7 isn't that far off. Too bad it'll tank my standing. :roll:

One Red Dot Qualifies for Group Stage After 6 Straight Wins

The One Red Dot National Team has brought the nation to jubilation after qualifying for the WC6 Group Stage after 14 Matchdays of pure blood, sweat and tears.

In an interview with Head Coach, Mr Alvin Ker, he said, "I am extremely pleased by the performance of the team. It has been celebration after celebration. The team has never felt so confident before. But we can't rest on our laurels. We must start training even harder as the real game is about to start soon."

This has been the One Red Dot Newsflash.

OOC: Bah, stupid random number generator

:x Double-damn, but well, we weren't wery bad in WCC6, aren't we?

Match day 14 results

Group 1
TnUI 3 Quohog 1
Liverpool England 3 LordSquall 1
Timway 0 Errinundera 3
Mezitzia 2 Hegemonia Polska 2


:)

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini continues its erratic form with a last ditch 2-1 win over La Darien, pushing them into third place once again. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "It was a tight match for us. We are fighting an erratic string of results, but hopefully our team can pull things around. I'm sure we have the capability and talent to do that."

(P.S. Can I not suggest you use that method of choosing the rankings for the third place teams, its not fair to those who are in the tougher groups.)

Like that result really mattered :p

PE on 2 Win winning streak
***DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES(Im tired from training) THE ROLEPAY THAT WAS MENT TO GO HERE ISN'T GOING TO BE TYPED***

i guess now we wait for Kingsford to get off his lazy ass so we can find out which of the 3rd placed teams go through :/

News item from the First Creek Falls Age:

http://www.theage.com.au/images/mast1.gif

REFUGEE FOUND DEAD
ON FOREST FLOOR

http://www.mondaynightgroup.mcmail.com/lardy_joe.jpg

Potoroo crushed in fall

Former Quohog customs official mccarthyismo (pictured above) who was recently granted permanent asylum in Errinundera was found dead in First Creek Falls early this morning. It appears that he fell 70 metres from the skywalk leading to his housetree.

Authorities are not sure of the circumstances leading to the mishap. "It doesn't seem likely that he fell accidently," explained local fire warden, oopsi. "The skywalk in question is frequently used by children and has five foot high barriers along its length. Clearly he was meant to go over the edge, either voluntarily or otherwise."

Protector of Foreign Affairs, overseasj, said at a news conference that the government was treating the matter as suspicious. "mccarthyismo had announced publicly that he had a list of all the Quohog subversives operating in Errinundera and threatened to name names. It would seem this spooked some of them."

When asked whether the government had received a copy of the list, overseasj admitted that they hadn't. "We did, however, subsequently find this communication in his house. We are not sure who the author is but it appears to be in the Quohog language."

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

overseasj further said that Errinundrian linguists had not been able to translate the parchment. "We have many experts in animal languages but it would seem we have no-one in the country who can understand Quohog. We are getting in touch with academics from other nations who may be able to assist us."

The protector was pressed as to whether Errinundrians should be concerned about the activities of overseas spies. "Not really. As you know, they always figure out eventually that Errinundera is paradise. At that point they always give up. What's more, our constitution guarantees that all government activities are open to public scrutiny. We have no secrets. That makes spying unnecessary. All the information is there, out in the open."

Later, Errinundera's main Protector, willd, who is reponsible for the natural environment among many other things, announced that he had received confirmation from local wildlife authorities that mccarthyismo had crushed a young male potoroo when he landed. "This is extremely serious. The matter has now been given priority status. We will find out who perpetrated this heinous deed and prosecute them to the full extent allowable under the Potoroo Protection Act."

Clippings from this mornings "Scuttlebutt" -

In the Help Wanted Ads: "The Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 are accepting applications for the position of Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. Experience preferred, but not necessary. Salary commensurate with ability. Send resume to the Ministry of Health, Mining, and Obscure Rituals, attn: Dorothy (who is NOT in Kansas anymore). Previous Ministers need not apply."

In the Police Blotter: "The Remington County Sheriff has posted a reward of VG 25,000 (VG = Vodka Gimlet, our national currency) for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the former Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. The former Minister is missing, and is suspected to have absconded with the balance of the Ministry's annual budget (approximately VG 132.5), two semi-valuable trophies, a white sock, and his former secretary, known only as "Margaret". Contact the Remington County Sheriff at 555-5555."

In the "Gossip Column" section: "The Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders are rumored to be in the market for a transfer. We have not been able to pin down any particulars, but this reporter, while sitting outside the Cheerleaders practice gymnasium under a window in the dark, was able to pick out the words "Quohog", "Tanah Burung", and "Whoever, man". A spokesperson for the as-yet-still Hooligan Cheerleaders refused to comment, other than to say "Bugger off!".

In the Sports Section: "Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan National Football side, was convicted of Improper Use of Crocodile, and sentenced to 40 years of community service. Ben has been directed by The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 to perform his community service in the capacity of Manager of the National Football side, the Hooligans. Ben refused to comment, but was heard to mumble "Bloody Random Number Gods" as he walked away. Ben did show an interest in the whereabouts of Margaret, the former secretary of the former Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. He was...well...the only word is "brandishing" - what appeared to be a very sharp knife as Margaret's whereabouts were discussed."

In the Legal Announcements: "The Snub Nose 38 Supreme Court today declared as null and void the last action directed by the former Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. As a result, the entire Snub Nose 38 National Football side, the Hooligans, were released from Death Row - the executions will not take place after all. Eileen Dover, also released under this same court decision, offered some colorful and evocative descriptions of the former Minister and his former secretary. This reporter is convinced that some of those things are physically impossible. Especially the one with the rubber chicken, the camel, and the three croquet mallets."

In the Real Estate for Sale column: "Nice 45,000 capacity football stadium located just north of our beautiful capital city, Sten. Excellent condition, requires some cosmetic work, such as washing down the vegetable stains. Prime location, within walking distance of several markets and a post office. Excellent local school district. City water. Current owners will hold mortgage. VG 22,355,000 or best offer."

DAILY CROCODILE
"Just enough to get to Kingsford"

Tanah Burung guaranteed their qualification with a 2-2 draw against Benjibouti that gave them second spot in Group 5, behind the surprise group champions, Copiosa Scotia. So far Scotia has been flying under the radar, imposing a total news blackout. "Clearly, they are using illegal invisibility potions," said Crocs coach Bi Kikere.

Scotia topped the group with a 3-1 defeat of Shaw Heath, while Snub Nose 38 fell off the pace, losing 4-2 against Whorecore. The Hooligans are, however, expected to go through as the best of the third-place teams. "Nice to see Snub Nose 20 joining us in Kingsford," Bi Kikere said. "It'll be fun to have them along for the party, although we expect they will be eviscerated."

The Crocs hoped that the thinner air of Matebian Stadium would prove tough for Benjibouti, but it proved even tougher for keeper da Gama, who struggled and gave up two goals. But the Crocs scored two of their own, one from Santos in the first half and another from Francisco in the second.

The Crocs' qualifying run was not as dominant as fans had hoped, but the latest triumph over world champions Brazillico gave the team confidence that had been starting to slip. "We'll be challenging for the Cup this year," said Bi Kikere. "I'll bet my lungs on it."

Qualifying round stats:
8 wins, 3 draws, 3 losses, plus one friendly win against Brazillico
Goal scorers
Cavaco 10
Van Esterik 6
Francisco 5
Loro 3
Santos 3
Bibere 2

News item from the Rooty Break International Herald Tribune:

http://www.iht.com/images/nav/logo_v2.gif

LOCAL FOOTBALLER WEDS IN NEW EMBASSY

Errinundera celebrated the opening of its new embassy in Tanah Burung today with the wedding of our own national football star firset to Lovefest University graduate Rafalirita Mitamayad. Father Constancio Ainaro, Tanah Burung's people's representative for social justice, performed the ceremony, with washingd, the Mayor of Ellery Camp, present in the role of "uncle" to the bride.

All eyes in the outdoor public marriage were on the couple's baby daughter, etanah, symbolically named for the two nations. firset said that he was particularly taken by he word's resemblance to "eternal". Rita, as she is known, has been offered a position as a tutor at the Rooty Break Gymnasium for Advanced Learning and is looking forward to starting there next semester.

http://www.jonnylewis.org/images/07_timor/thumbnails/14_wedding-ainaro.jpg

An Errinundrian element was added to the ceremony when a bouquet of leaves and flowers from Rooty Break's sacred tree, GUISHIN, was presented to the couple. This was followed by a sprinkling of tiny seeds from the same tree upon their heads. The Errinundrian ambassador, smoot, explained that the ritual signified how, like the growth of the giant tree from the tiniest of seeds, the brief time that the couple would spend together would reverberate in generations to come. "Compared with the trees and rocks we only grace the earth for a short time. Yet, if we use our time well together, we can create a better world for the future."

With the public aspect of the wedding over, the couple and close friends retired indoor for the final rite performed according to the ways of the Church of the Rocks and Trees. The two, naked in the eyes of God, were entwined three times with a hemp rope, symbol of a union intended to endure without end and attended always by joy.

The embassy itself is designed to appear from the air as a bird with wings outspread. In attendance were Violeta Bi Bere, Tanah Burung people's representative for foreign affairs and human rights, along with two other members of the nation's collective presidency and the mayor of Findabaya, Warung Agus. In addition to the ambassador, representing Errinundera were overseasj, Errinundera's Protector of foreign affairs, plus the mayors of Ellery Camp and Rooty Break, washingd and pristin.

And what would such an event be without a football game? Festivities were capped with a friendly between Lovefest and Ukun Rasikan. Each team featured an Errinundrian player -- oreadest leading Lovefest with two goals, and the groom notching one as a guest player for the day with Ukun Rasikan after being presented with the keys to the city. The match ended in a 3-2 win for Ukun Rasikan, and was the seventh straight loss for Lovefest after a dismal outing in which it finished bottom of the table in the international Champions' League.

DAILY CROCODILE
... "Nice to see Snub Nose 20 joining us in Kingsford," Bi Kikere said. "It'll be fun to have them along for the party, although we expect they will be eviscerated."

The stunned nation of Snub Nose 38 has still not recovered sufficiently to form an official reply to Bi Kikeres recent comments.

The Hooligan Cheerleaders, however, who we found camped outside the national stadium under the big "For Sale" sign, became infurriated upon hearing the Bi Kikere quote. They tore up their "Cheerleaders For Lease" signs, and began chanting.

"Eviscerate? Eviscerate?
We'll see about that
at a later date.
Eviscerate? Eviscerate?
We'll hand you your head
on a paper plate."

At this point, they stopped dead in their tracks. Something was missing. After a few moments, the Hooligan Cheerleaders began to throw vegetables at themselves.

Match day 14 results

Group 1
TnUI 3 Quohog 1
Liverpool England 3 LordSquall 1
Timway 0 Errinundera 3
Mezitzia 2 Hegemonia Polska 2


:)


Quohog's Official Response: "This means nothing, absolutely nothing. With the qualifications secure, Head Coach Lauren Silko was simply allowing some of the younger, much younger, players to participate. Besides, TnUI is a good team and it is not an embarrasment to lose to them. No story here, please just go about your business." Rumors that a distant family member of each player was to be killed for allowing the team to lose two games in a row remain unconfirmed.

Quohog's Information Minister Baanes Dosti expressed sorrow at the passing of mccarthyismo, formally known as Joe McCarthy. However, he stated that the government expresses even more sorrow at the passing of the potoroo, "While mccarthyismo had committed acts which our government could not approve, we express dismay at his apparent death and wish to offer Errinundera whatever aid they wish at getting to the bottom of it. While his death would be bad enough, the death of the male potoroo makes this a real tragedy. Of course, we would be willing to clone another and prepare it for release in the wild, if that would help the public get over this issue.

As for the communication in his house, we can classify that as a former secret language which has now been declassified to those with the proper clearance as we now have a better one. I don't believe that anyone outside of Quohog knows how to translate it, so with that in mind, it says "Live in peace, live in happiness, live in prosperity until the end of your days." That is a fairly rough translation, but it gives you the general idea.

Quohog also denies that spies have been active in Errinundera. We know about their open information laws. As a matter of fact, the only use for opporatives I could see in that country is to either rouse dissent, or to kill those we don't like. Naturally, or government wouldn't support either.

In other news, I'm afraid that a second cousin of each member on the National Football team were killed in a freak accident at a party celebrating the teams qualification to World Cup VI. I guess that they shouldn't of been playing in that deserted warehouse with their hands tied behind their backs and their heads in burlap sacks. Normally, these sort of accidents do not happen to relatives of our football stars, lets hope their isn't a need for any more to happen."

Sturm fans both in and out of Gesamtkuntswerk celebrate as the Sturms, coming up from behind in what could possibly have been the worst qualifying experience the team has yet to face, pull themseves up to the hard-earned 3rd place position and secure their passage to the World Cup.

"The team had, to be blunt, one helluva rollercoaster ride," said field coach Ureia. "We were really feeling the pressure this last game, knowing that not one but two things had to happen: the Sturms win and Ravenspire lose. Fortunately for us, both things occurred. Now we have to prepare for the next round of the competition, lest we fall behind and lose it all. Let's not forget, we still owe Brazillico one from that last WC," he added jokingly.

Now on sale in Errinundera, a nation whose business sector is dominated by the book publishing industry:

http://images.google.com.au/images?q=tbn:fin8639jylEC:www.eisenhowerinstitute.org/publications/localgraphics/whokilledjoe.jpg

<OOC>Somewhen way back where this thread had something to do with football. :roll:<OOC>

News item from the First Creek Falls Age:

http://www.theage.com.au/images/mast1.gif

WILDLIFE OFFICIALS COMMENCE LEGAL ACTION AGAINST DEAD REFUGEE

(Yet another photograph of mccarthyismo.)

The First Creek Falls Potoroo Protection Authority (FCFPPA) today lodged an application with the local magisterial court to commence an investigation into the death of a young, male potoroo. The FCFPPA is alleging that the death was caused by the potoroo being struck by a rapidly descending mccarthyismo.

Two, yet to be appointed, magistrates will investigate the matter and will return their findings in due course. If they find that the potoroo had been killed by mccarthyismo then the FCFPPA will be able to seek redress from the deceased.

Spokesperson for the FCFPPA, huh, said that once magistrates had found in the authority's favour under the Potoroo Protection Act then a charged person had the choice of taking responsibility for compensating the community or otherwise providing information that could lead to the prosecution of others. "We'll have this matter nailed in no time," he said.

We reminded him that mccarthyismo was dead, had been in the country less than a week, had no assets and no living relatives thanks to the Quohog authorities. "That's not important," he responded. "It's the principle that matters. And besides there's no telling what the magisterial investigation might unveil."

OOC: And I'm sure that a successful investigation will help the players do better in the Cup, right! :wink:

Final Qualifying Standings

The top two teams in each group will move on to World Cup 6. Six of the nine third-place teams will also move on, though we have not yet heard from Kingsford what criteria will be used.

[code:1:2721cfb23e]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Quohog (25) 14 12 0 2 41 14 +27 36
Total n Utter Insanity (7) 14 8 3 3 29 14 +15 27
Errinundera (17) 14 5 5 4 23 18 +5 20
Liverpool England 14 5 4 5 22 22 0 19
Timway 14 5 4 5 26 31 -5 19
LordSquall 14 4 3 7 27 38 -11 15
Mezitzia 14 3 3 8 19 26 -7 12
Hegemonia Polska 14 1 4 9 17 41 -24 7

Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (40) 14 8 4 2 34 19 +15 28
_AMP 14 5 5 4 31 27 +4 23
Cobra Cult 14 7 2 5 31 30 +1 23
Great White Sharks 14 5 4 5 34 28 +6 19
Starving Children 14 5 4 5 28 31 -3 19
Jay Cutter 14 5 4 5 29 33 -4 19
Porvoo 14 4 3 7 28 29 -1 15
Iuthia 14 2 2 10 19 37 -18 8

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34
Dark Outcasts (42) 14 8 2 4 31 22 +9 26
Giant Zucchini (10) 14 6 2 6 23 21 +2 20
Northern Kings 14 4 6 4 25 26 -1 18
La Darien (36) 14 4 4 6 18 23 -5 16
BK_Samurai 14 4 3 7 22 28 -6 15
Albion Soviets 14 4 2 8 24 31 -7 14
Eauz 14 4 1 9 18 31 -13 13

Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
Lunatic Goofballs (11) 14 9 1 4 29 16 +13 28
Nevershadow 14 6 3 5 24 25 -1 21
Pure Evil (22) 14 6 2 6 25 23 +2 20
Futililia 14 5 2 7 23 30 -7 17
VA Industrialized 14 4 3 7 21 30 -9 15
Communation 14 4 2 8 27 34 -7 14
Tha Machine 14 2 4 8 21 33 -12 10

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Copiosa Scotia (50) 14 10 1 3 34 21 +13 31
Tanah Burung (8) 14 8 3 3 27 17 +10 27
Snub Nose 38 (20) 14 8 2 4 34 20 +14 26
Nova Polonia 14 4 6 4 30 34 -4 18
Shaw Heath 14 4 3 7 17 27 -10 15
Whorecore 14 3 5 6 25 31 -6 14
Benjibouti 14 3 3 8 29 31 -2 12
Bubbasa the Great 14 3 3 8 19 34 -15 12

Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (12) 14 9 2 3 22 12 +10 29
Ironchefk (9) 14 8 1 5 30 20 +10 25
Bedistan (27) 14 7 4 3 25 16 +9 25
Haraki (29) 14 6 4 4 27 18 +9 22
Aquilla 14 5 3 6 17 26 -9 18
Christofi (28) 14 4 4 6 17 24 -7 16
Alhana Catherine (48) 14 2 5 7 21 26 -5 11
The Midnight Armies 14 2 3 9 20 37 -17 9

Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 14 9 3 2 33 14 +19 30
Malundar 14 9 3 2 32 19 +13 30
Tiburon 14 7 1 6 21 23 -2 19
Dead Man (58) 14 5 3 6 27 27 0 18
Vegemite 14 5 3 6 23 25 -2 18
Tintinnabulation 14 5 2 7 24 35 -11 17
Pavesia 14 4 4 6 31 33 -2 16
Aves 14 3 1 10 16 31 -15 10

Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot (30) 14 9 4 1 27 12 +15 31
Dennisov (14) 14 6 5 3 25 16 +9 23
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 14 6 4 4 21 19 +2 22
Ravenspire (24) 14 6 3 5 22 20 +2 21
Busby 14 6 2 6 20 22 -2 20
Crimson Sparta 14 4 3 7 18 24 -6 15
Jurimaxistan 14 3 3 8 20 33 -13 12
Australian Marsupials 14 3 2 9 16 23 -7 11

Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Akbarland 14 7 5 2 38 28 +10 26
Dannland 14 7 3 4 31 28 +3 24
Chakra (70) 14 5 5 4 27 25 +2 20
Avina 14 6 2 6 27 29 -2 20
Rave Shentavo 14 4 4 6 26 26 0 19
The Lowland Clans 14 5 3 6 35 36 -1 18
Lomina 14 4 3 7 24 29 -5 15
Darkseed 14 3 3 8 25 32 -7 12

Third Place Standings P W D L F A GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (20) 14 8 2 4 34 20 +14 26
Bedistan (27) 14 7 4 3 25 16 +9 25
Cobra Cult 14 7 2 5 31 30 +1 23
Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 14 6 4 4 21 19 +2 22
Nevershadow 14 6 3 5 24 25 -1 21
Errinundera (17) 14 5 5 4 23 18 +5 20
Chakra (70) 14 5 5 4 27 25 +2 20
Giant Zucchini (10) 14 6 2 6 23 21 +2 20
Tiburon 14 7 1 6 21 23 -2 19[/code:1:2721cfb23e]

Coming soon: Overall qualifying standings among all teams

Overall Qualifying Standings

[code:1:24dab8dd5e] Team Name G W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Quohog (25) 14 12 0 2 41 14 +27 36
2 The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
3 Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34
4 One Red Dot (30) 14 9 4 1 27 12 +15 31
5 Copiosa Scotia (50) 14 10 1 3 34 21 +13 31
6 Halfassedstates (49) 14 9 3 2 33 14 +19 30
7 Malundar 14 9 3 2 32 19 +13 30
8 Runaway Moose (12) 14 9 2 3 22 12 +10 29
9 Audioslavia (40) 14 8 4 2 34 19 +15 28
10 Lunatic Goofballs (11) 14 9 1 4 29 16 +13 28
11 Total n Utter Insanity (7) 14 8 3 3 29 14 +15 27
12 Tanah Burung (8) 14 8 3 3 27 17 +10 27
13 Snub Nose 38 (20) 14 8 2 4 34 20 +14 26
14 Akbarland 14 7 5 2 38 28 +10 26
15 Dark Outcasts (42) 14 8 2 4 31 22 +9 26
16 Ironchefk (9) 14 8 1 5 30 20 +10 25
17 Bedistan (27) 14 7 4 3 25 16 +9 25
18 Dannland 14 7 3 4 31 28 +3 24
19 Dennisov (14) 14 6 5 3 25 16 +9 23
20 _AMP 14 5 5 4 31 27 +4 23
21 Cobra Cult 14 7 2 5 31 30 +1 23
22 Haraki (29) 14 6 4 4 27 18 +9 22
23 Gesamtkuntswerk (21) 14 6 4 4 21 19 +2 22
24 Ravenspire (24) 14 6 3 5 22 20 +2 21
25 Nevershadow 14 6 3 5 24 25 -1 21
26 Errinundera (17) 14 5 5 4 23 18 +5 20
27 Chakra (70) 14 5 5 4 27 25 +2 20
28 Pure Evil (22) 14 6 2 6 25 23 +2 20
29 Giant Zucchini (10) 14 6 2 6 23 21 +2 20
30 Avina 14 6 2 6 27 29 -2 20
31 Busby 14 6 2 6 20 22 -2 20
32 Great White Sharks 14 5 4 5 34 28 +6 19
33 Rave Shentavo 14 4 4 6 26 26 0 19
34 Liverpool England 14 5 4 5 22 22 0 19
35 Tiburon 14 7 1 6 21 23 -2 19
36 Starving Children 14 5 4 5 28 31 -3 19
37 Jay Cutter 14 5 4 5 29 33 -4 19
38 Timway 14 5 4 5 26 31 -5 19
39 Dead Man (58) 14 5 3 6 27 27 0 18
40 The Lowland Clans 14 5 3 6 35 36 -1 18
41 Northern Kings 14 4 6 4 25 26 -1 18
42 Vegemite 14 5 3 6 23 25 -2 18
43 Nova Polonia 14 4 6 4 30 34 -4 18
44 Aquilla 14 5 3 6 17 26 -9 18
45 Futililia 14 5 2 7 23 30 -7 17
46 Tintinnabulation 14 5 2 7 24 35 -11 17
47 Pavesia 14 4 4 6 31 33 -2 16
48 La Darien (36) 14 4 4 6 18 23 -5 16
49 Christofi (28) 14 4 4 6 17 24 -7 16
50 Porvoo 14 4 3 7 28 29 -1 15
51 Lomina 14 4 3 7 24 29 -5 15
52 BK_Samurai 14 4 3 7 22 28 -6 15
53 Crimson Sparta 14 4 3 7 18 24 -6 15
54 VA Industrialized 14 4 3 7 21 30 -9 15
55 Shaw Heath 14 4 3 7 17 27 -10 15
56 LordSquall 14 4 3 7 27 38 -11 15
57 Whorecore 14 3 5 6 25 31 -6 14
58 Communation 14 4 2 8 27 34 -7 14
59 Albion Soviets 14 4 2 8 24 31 -7 14
60 Eauz 14 4 1 9 18 31 -13 13
61 Benjibouti 14 3 3 8 29 31 -2 12
62 Darkseed 14 3 3 8 25 32 -7 12
63 Mezitzia 14 3 3 8 19 26 -7 12
64 Jurimaxistan 14 3 3 8 20 33 -13 12
65 Bubbasa the Great 14 3 3 8 19 34 -15 12
66 Alhana Catherine (48) 14 2 5 7 21 26 -5 11
67 Australian Marsupials 14 3 2 9 16 23 -7 11
68 Tha Machine 14 2 4 8 21 33 -12 10
69 Aves 14 3 1 10 16 31 -15 10
70 The Midnight Armies 14 2 3 9 20 37 -17 9
71 Iuthia 14 2 2 10 19 37 -18 8
72 Hegemonia Polska 14 1 4 9 17 41 -24 7[/code:1:24dab8dd5e]

Best Offense: Quohog (41 goals scored)
Worst Offense: Australian Marsupials and Aves (16 goals scored)

Best Defense: One Red Dot and Runaway Moose (12 goals allowed)
Worst Defense: Hegemonia Polska (41 goals allowed)

Best Difference: Quohog (+27)
Worst Difference: Hegemonia Polska (-24)

Let the cup begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pure Evil at last have some good luck: theyre only gonna drop like, 10 places, probably less. :)

Well, that list doesn't include the 8 seeded teams, which will definitely be ahead of them. So basically, treat that 28 as a 36 for purposes of approximate rating calculation. ;)

Well, that list doesn't include the 8 seeded teams, which will definitely be ahead of them. So basically, treat that 28 as a 36 for purposes of approximate rating calculation. ;)

Does that mean to treat 1 as a 9?

Well, that list doesn't include the 8 seeded teams, which will definitely be ahead of them. So basically, treat that 28 as a 36 for purposes of approximate rating calculation. ;)

Does that mean to treat 1 as a 9?

Basically, yes, although yours could still change due to the fact that you're still playing. ;)

So I'm #44

Holy crap. We actually rock now. That kinda came out of nowhere.

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

We have been advised by a government spokesperson from the nation of Ayesha that a Quohog dissident in that nation has translated the above text as follows:

This nation can't play football, this nation is pathetic, this nation thinks that football is more important than business profits.

This does not accord with advice from the Quohog Information Minister, Baanes Dosti, to whit:

Live in peace, live in happiness, live in prosperity until the end of your days.

Someone is not telling the truth.

willd
Errinundera's Protector of many things, I forget which.

<OOC>Phew! A football connection again<OOC>

Clem: Arright now, you two are going to behave yourselves for the rest of the broadcast, right? ‘Cause as a serious journalist, I have to say, it’s freaking embarrassing being in the booth with you two sometimes.

Gil: As an equally serious journalist, I ‘ave to concur with Clem.

Mel: As the only really serious journalist in the room, I’m going to take the initiative to apologize to our listeners. You people are saints for tuning in time and again despite the-- well, the crap you get coming out of your speakers.

Gil: You know, Mel, this ain’t one of those rap-metal stations.

Mel: I didn’t say ‘rap,’ I said ‘crap.’

Gil: I assumed that by ‘crap’ you meant that awful rap-metal junk.

Clem: What are you talking about? You listen to that stuff.

Gil: Because I’m ‘down’ with the kids. That doesn’t mean it don’t ‘urt me ears.

Clem: Does it?

Gil: Does wot?

Clem: Does it hurt your ears?

Gil: Wot, listening to Mel?

Clem: Listening to that rap-metal crap!

Gil: ‘urt me ears?

Clem: Yes!

Gil: No. I quite like it, actually.

Clem: So what the hell were you talking about?

Gil: When?

Clem: Just now!

Gil: Erm... I don’t remember.

Mel: Just can it! Can it! Okay, we’re going to all get a grip.

Gil: We’ve all got a grip. Over ‘ere on this side of the studio. It’s just the ones over there on your side wot are crazy, Mel.

Clem: He’s the only one on that side.

Gil: Did I say ‘e’s not?

Mel: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Gil: ...

Clem: ...

Mel: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine--

Gil: Look, ‘e’s countin’ again.

Mel: SHUT UUUUUUP!!

Gil: ...

Mel: ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

Gil: ...

Mel: Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen... Okay. Now I feel better.

Clem: You’re lucky he has stress-management techniques, Gil.

Gil: Oh, ‘e wouldn’t dare try anything on me. As Dean of sports, I ‘ave the power to--

Clem: You have no powers as Dean of sports. It’s just an honorary title, and one that wasn’t even bestowed on you. So don’t tell me what you have the power to do as Dean of sports. As Dean of sports you have the power to talk football and get paid for it.

Gil: I’ve noticed they pay me about the same no matter wot I talk about.

Clem: Well, look, Mel and I want to talk football. If you don’t, you can just sit there quietly.

Gil: Fair enough.

Clem: So we mentioned earlier Henny Henneman returning for his fourth Cup. And then we’ve got Mick Mickelson, back for his third. Returning in the role of captain again.

Mel: Yes... the Brazillicans expressed some interest in him. He’s apparently quite popular there. He’s said that he’s going to leave rugby to concentrate on football, and if so-- with Lemmitania having no pro league-- he may well go overseas.

Clem: He’s only 29. Not yet past the prime of his career, and if he gets out of rugby, that can only prolong his--

Gil: Knees.

Clem: Well, no, football’s probably harder on the knees than rugby is. But pretty much the rest of his body is going to thank him for switching games.

Mel: We’ve also got Will Spud back for his third Cup.

Clem: Spud, the great unknown. Probably the most obscure three-time Cup starter in the game. McSheen is back for his third cup as well, but this is only his second on the first team.

Mel: Bit of a reputation as a rough player. He’s been involved in incidents in each of the Cups he’s played.

Clem: Maybe as he gets older, he’ll mature.

Gil: Like a cheese.

Clem: Exactly. Like a cheese. Than coming back from last time around, we’ve got Wilma Leemcoola at forward, Phil Flanders in midfield, Mikki Miskatone on defense, and Lemma Mingstein in goal.

Mel: Wilma didn’t really distinguish herself in the last Cup, but she was always right there in the thick of things. It would be nice to see her contribute a few more goals this time around. Flanders is a solid player, but never seems to make a name for himself.

Clem: Miskatone and Mingstein were real standouts, though. Mikki’s a fiery player, and I think she one who will be more mature this time around. And Mingstein was just great last time.

Mel: She had a better goals-against average than I did in either of my Cups. So we expect great things from her. Then we’ve got Yusuke Mishiwa on defense and Vera Michaels at striker, both promoted to first team this time around after strong performances off the bench last Cup.

Clem: Vera was our second-leading scorer, coming on after Roger Rosco was injured in the first game. She looks to be Henny Henneman’s successor as the team’s top striker. I have high expectations for her this time around.

Mel: Agreed. Now, let’s talk a little about the one newcomer on the first team.

Clem: Lana Maelstrom. For the past year, it’s been nothing but puns about how she’s “taking Lemmitania by storm.”

Mel: She’s very popular.

Clem: Is it the spiky brown-and-pink streaked hair, or the piercings, you think?

Mel: Or the trash talking, or the fifty goals she scored in league play?

Clem: Speaking of which, she plays as a very “up” midfielder, something Coach Lemster hasn’t employed in the past. It’ll mean some new formations for the Lemmings. Still the tried-and-true 4-3-3, but with Lana involved in the attacks a lot more than Mick and Phil and Joey Lemstater and Wilco Rosco ever were.

Mel: Lemco City, Lana’s home club, plays a 4-4-2, and so she really is a hybrid forward. But with Henny, Vera, and Wilma up there, it’ll get a little crowded if Lana’s deep in enemy territory. I’m going to be looking for her to play back a bit farther than she’s used to. It’ll take some adjustment on her part.

Gil: You know, speaking of Joey Lemstater--

Clem: Nnnnno. I think maybe you’d better not.

Gil: I was just gonna say--

Clem: You know what? No.

Gil: But--

Clem: Let’ cut to some important messages. Can we do that? Good.

Holy crap. We actually rock now. That kinda came out of nowhere.

Didn't it though. Congratulations.

IC, of course, my team positively seethes with resentment.

<OOC>You know, I don't seem to have ever bookmarked the WC6 Roster thread. Can anyone help me out with a handy-dandy link?</OOC>

[code:1:30dc3f44d8] Team Name G W D L GF GA GD Pts

...

2 The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
3 Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34

...
[/code:1:30dc3f44d8]

Uh, not to be fickle, but I think I go in the 2nd spot, considering it's win - draw - loss and while I have no losses, he has 2.

<OOC>You know, I don't seem to have ever bookmarked the WC6 Roster thread. Can anyone help me out with a handy-dandy link?</OOC>

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=47763&start=0

World Cup 6 Roster Thread (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=917048&highlight=#917048)

Quohog Information Minister Baanes Dosti replied to the Errinunderan accusation that Quohog had made inappropriate claims about football in Errinundera, "What was said is totally untrue. While we do believe that the nation would benefit from a stronger concern with business, we have a healthy respect for their football program. We feel that we have the better team, but we would never say such an insulting thing. Oh, and by the way, could we have the name of the dissident in Ayesha? We ask under your free information laws simply because we would like to connect the said dissident with any family members he/she might have in Quohog."

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini has ended its World Cup qualifying campaign, finishing 3rd in its group. This means that the Zucchinis still have an outside chance of qualifying, as 6 of the 9 3rd place teams get to enter the World Cup. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "The team is biting their nails in anticipation. We played to qualify, and now we still have a slim chance of doing that. We'll just have to see how it goes."

Semi-OOC: Ravenspire would like to suggest filling the remaining six places with the six best not-yet-qualified teams overall, rather than six of the third-place teams.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that we outperformed half the third-place teams. Honest. 8)

Quohog Information Minister Baanes Dosti replied to the Errinunderan accusation that Quohog had made inappropriate claims about football in Errinundera, "What was said is totally untrue. While we do believe that the nation would benefit from a stronger concern with business, we have a healthy respect for their football program. We feel that we have the better team, but we would never say such an insulting thing. Oh, and by the way, could we have the name of the dissident in Ayesha? We ask under your free information laws simply because we would like to connect the said dissident with any family members he/she might have in Quohog."

A complete copy of all correspondence with the nation of Ayesha has been forwarded to you by container ship. The printing industry is very grateful for your intervention in our economy. An invoice is included with the consignment.

Unfortunately, Ayesha did not give Errinundera the name of the dissident in question.

willd
Errinundera's Protector of Civic Choice, Economic Participation and the Natural Environment

I suggest a round robin of the 3rd placed countries. Its fairer to those who were in tougher groups.

[code:1:9709e2c3f4] Team Name G W D L GF GA GD Pts

...

2 The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
3 Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34

...
[/code:1:9709e2c3f4]

Uh, not to be fickle, but I think I go in the 2nd spot, considering it's win - draw - loss and while I have no losses, he has 2.

Nah, it goes by GF.

I suggest a round robin of the 3rd placed countries. Its fairer to those who were in tougher groups.

But that means 32 more games before WC6 begins.

AND

Errinundera might not qualify.

:x

The round robin 3rd place tournament is actually already scheduled, and Lem's still up for result generating. I know, I'm sorry. Now I have to go to New Mexico. Heh.

[code:1:e020e8a3cb] Team Name G W D L GF GA GD Pts

...

2 The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
3 Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34

...
[/code:1:e020e8a3cb]

Uh, not to be fickle, but I think I go in the 2nd spot, considering it's win - draw - loss and while I have no losses, he has 2.

Would it be goals scored counted? Or results of the matches between the two teams?

Edit: TnuI is right. Didn't see that post. Results of matches between the teams could be used if nothing else can separate them, as in the RL World Cup.

[code:1:8d594c2a5e] Team Name G W D L GF GA GD Pts

...

2 The Belmore Family (47) 14 11 1 2 37 16 +21 34
3 Oglethorpia (13) 14 10 4 0 35 14 +21 34

...
[/code:1:8d594c2a5e]

Uh, not to be fickle, but I think I go in the 2nd spot, considering it's win - draw - loss and while I have no losses, he has 2.

Would it be goals scored counted? Or results of the matches between the two teams?

Edit: TnuI is right. Didn't see that post. Results of matches between the teams could be used if nothing else can separate them, as in the RL World Cup.

seing as ogle and belmore didnt play each other, this would be the best option 8)

Have I qualified? i can't tell coz I can't get on to the right page as the computer is being a pain, thats also why I haven't posted very much. The troubles of technology, sometimes I hate it.

Yep, you made it :wink:

Final Qualifying Standings

[code:1:90211d9fd8]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Halfassedstates (49) 14 9 3 2 33 14 +19 30
Malundar 14 9 3 2 32 19 +13 30
Tiburon 14 7 1 6 21 23 -2 19
Dead Man (58) 14 5 3 6 27 27 0 18
Vegemite 14 5 3 6 23 25 -2 18
Tintinnabulation 14 5 2 7 24 35 -11 17
Pavesia 14 4 4 6 31 33 -2 16
Aves 14 3 1 10 16 31 -15 10
[/code:1:90211d9fd8]

OOC: Wahoo - I held on to top spot :D
BTW when do rankings get updated? Is it before the actual cup itself or will I still be ranked 49 in WC6?

IC: King Jimmy called a National Holiday to-day to celebrate the qualification of the Halfassedstates to WC6 as winners of qualifing group 7.
Captain Ree King was the hero in the final match, converting a 60th minute penalty to give Halfassed the victory required.

The team qualified with a record of 9 wins, 3 draws and 2 defeats.

Goal scorers;
Wallace 14
Paisley 7
Adams 7
Hope 2
King,R 2 (1 Pen)
McDonald 1

You stay on that rank till World Cup 7, then you will get a rank of < 33.

thought that would be the case :cry: , but was kinda hoping for a wee boost :wink:
ah well i'll just go and get prepared for a couple of hammerings :!:

Just think of us who are getting a rank of 100 as a new team for WC7 qualifying. :D

World Cup 6 Finals
[code:1:8cce21cf09]
Rnk Team
1 Brazillico
2 Svecia
3 Lemmitania
4 Europa Britannia
5 Squornshelous
6 Ariddia
7 Total n Utter Insanity
8 Tanah Burung
9 Ironchefk
11 Lunatic Goofballs
12 Runaway Moose
13 Oglethorpia
14 Spaam
14 Dennisov
25 Quohog
30 One Red Dot
40 Audioslavia
42 Dark Outcasts
47 The Belmore Family
49 Halfassedstates
50 Copiosa Scotia
51 Kingsford
100 _AMP
100 Malundar
100 Akbarland
100 Dannland

Plus 6 from:

10 Giant Zucchini
17 Errinundera
20 Snub Nose 38
21 Gesamtkuntswerk
27 Bedistan
70 Chakra
100 Cobra Cult
100 Nevershadow
100 Tiburon
[/code:1:8cce21cf09]

DARK OUTCASTS ARE NO LONGER DARK!

There is reason to rejoice around the nation of Dark Outcasts today as it was finalised that the national football team had made it into the finals. A number of street parties are being held tonight along with firework displays and all-night drinkathons. The manager of the team, at a recent press conference has denied that the team reaching the finals was down to chance, "The team played hard this year after their disappointment in the previous world cup and took it upon themselves to make the cut. I agree that some goals were lucky but it was the team who played well that meant they got through, not chance."


Cnogratualtions Dark OUtcasts!

AM

Interesting to see four new teams in the finals. Let's hope they don't receive fearful beatings.