NationStates Jolt Archive

Lord Byron looked at his watch and then the calendar! Damn we have been Playing this for five days now and i still havent had a turn and that cat has just swallowed my vowel!
How about we celebrate my recent becoming "sometimes Deadly" as a poster on Jolts NS forums and all just get drunk? let the scrabble be damned!
He called over Violet and ordered a round of drinks for everyone in the Bar!

*Jay takes the proffered wet bar mat, shakes the excess fluid off* *To the bartender* "Sir Boots is buying me a drink. I would like a pint of Boddington's please, whisky back"

*Once he recieves the order, he walks to where Sir Boots is sitting, and takes the closest seat next to him*

"Sir, I thank you for the drink. I am new to the area, and slightly uncomfortable. All this is very new to me you see. Bentonberg has only been in existance for about a month, and was just admitted to the UN. I saw this fine establishment and thought I would stop by to see what it was about. After looking through the windows for a day, I decided to walk in and introduce myself."

*He pauses, drinks from the pint, throws back the shot, burps loudly and smacks his lips* "excuse me for that" *he says

"Tell me about yourself, and feel free to ask me anything"

"Tell me about yourself, and feel free to ask me anything"
Over hearing and in Jest Lord Esheram Byron shouts "Whats the capital of Kamchatka?"

Over hearing and in Jest Lord Esheram Byron shouts "Whats the capital of Kamchatka?"

*In the same spirit of jest* "Lisbon?"

How about we celebrate my recent becoming "sometimes Deadly" as a poster on Jolts NS forums and all just get drunk? let the scrabble be damned!

"Finally, sir, we are being reasonable!" shouted BFFG. "Hand me one of those free drinks," he said to the barkeep.

"Getting drunk? Well, that's one thing, but what's even better is that in here, you don't always get a hangover."

Byron turned to Stephanie. So then, You married? he enquired.

"No, haven't had time for that. And what about you, Lord Byron. How goes your quest for the hand of Violet Bracket?"

"You fool it's not Lisbon at all. It's obviously 'K', right?"
Sir Boots having consumed quite a number of drinks and so having the stability of a unicycle he mumbles a thanks to Lord Byron for his generosity.
"Lord Byron my dear man (hic) I do believe that the answer you se(hic)ek is in fact (Deep Breath) Petrol-pavalova-sky Kam-chelsky."

All this talk of capitals brought a smile to BFFG's face. "What's the capital of Assyria?" he asked. "Why- I don't know,' replied Sir Robin, who had randomly walked into the bar. "Aauuggh!!!" he cried as he was cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

iron pig slogged down the first pot of coffee and was eargerly awaiting the second* It has been a long night five days and counting...im serious thats what the call was about byron, thats why it has been night for 5 days*he looked nervously around and saw a flash from outside* I must go*he jumped up and was gone out in a flash*

"Hey guys!" Wade called, "Back from the bathroom. Where's the Scrabble board?"
Wade sat back down at the bar and started playing his DS. "Final Fantasy I never gets old," he said.

Kamchatka..oh...Petropavlovsk, Assyria...Ninevah i believe *belches and downs another pint

*Adaine realised the assaisn was inside and watched the drunkards playin scrabble *

Stephanie suddenly realised that Adaine was still in the Bar, and not joining in the festivities.

"Neville, get the Avarhierrim representative a Blue Bahgumnian Brandy."

I must get there or everything will be gone*he panted under his breath as he speed at a sonic speed* I still dont understand how he got in....it was perfectly secure...but what if he too ended up in the accident, oh god lets hope not.

"With pleasure!" said Neville, providing the desired liquid with a flourish and a snide grin.

It was always interesting to watch people's reactions to the famous Bahgumnian national tipple, though, all things considered, Neville thought that Ennish shandies were more lethal, long-term.

"So, how many wars are your people betting on today?" he asked.

Lord Byron Felt strange! He looked around the room. What was this strange sensation?
Looking down he realised he was sitting on a cat!

No Animals were harmed in the making of this Post.

"Did i ask for this?, no. and my countries interests are none of your buisness."

"Did i ask for this?, no. and my countries interests are none of your buisness."
"It's called a shout, Adaine. You don't need to ask for it. Just drink, and loosen up a bit. You're getting a bit too edgy to fit in with the general melange of the Bar."

Stephanie sat down, astonished that she was still able to pronounce the word melange.

"Who'd be the next Pope was none of my business either, but that didn't stop me from having a bet on it," Neville said. "However, I quite understand if you don't want to discuss the matter. Let's change the subject, shall we? What do you think will be the next resolution to be repealed?"

He was never to know. A simultaneous howl from the cat, Lord Byron and Violet Bracket, to whom the dear little creature belonged, drew all eyes.

is neville the part time barman?

"No, haven't had time for that. And what about you, Lord Byron. How goes your quest for the hand of Violet Bracket?"
Not too good! he replied sheepishly, Ive just sat on her cat.

is neville the part time barman?

OOC: Since he turned up last year, Neville's been the most-of-the-time barman. Jimmy does the remaining shifts. Several customers have helped out when things got hectic -- notably Hodgelett, the delegate from Randomea. Now that Violet Bracket the waitress has joined the staff, things aren't so hectic.

BFFG watched as the crippled feline crawled off of the barstool using it's two good front legs and fell off, landing on it's stomach with a loud "splat" sound.

"Agghhh! I'm dead!" Wade called out.

Everyone in the bar stared at him. One grabbed their cell phone to call 911.

"What?" Wade asked, " I died in my game. Dang Gilgamesh." A small laugh came somewhere from the bar. Suddenly *BLAM*, Wade really was shot!

is neville the part time barman?
Neville is the Barman. Full-time, hasn't taken time off since the Bar began. Violet Bracket is the waitress who mysteriously appeared from nowhere about ten pages back.

OOC: Since he turned up last year, Neville's been the most-of-the-time barman. Jimmy does the remaining shifts. Several customers have helped out when things got hectic -- notably Hodgelett, the delegate from Randomea. Now that Violet Bracket the waitress has joined the staff, things aren't so hectic.
Not really. From what I recall (and this goes back a fair way) the barman was always there, he was just named Neville be someone or other last year. Of course, if that Neville and your Neville are different, I do apologise.

"Agghhh! I'm dead!" Wade called out.

Everyone in the bar stared at him. One grabbed their cell phone to call 911.

"What?" Wade asked, " I died in my game. Dang Gilgamesh." A small laugh came somewhere from the bar. Suddenly *BLAM*, Wade really was shot!
Shouts all around! First Violet Bracket's cat sat on, then Wade was shot!

"Someone call an ambulance!" Stephanie shouted. "... Or a vet! Neville! You might need to activate the parallel universe device!"

Hodgelett walked through the door into a room of yowling cats, shouting UN reps, a weeping waitress, bleeding penguins and red faces. "Not again..." she groaned and locked the door.

Neville is the Barman.

BFFG watched Neville standing on a barstool flapping his coat like wings and shouting "I AM BATMAN!" "Poor fellow," he remarked to no one in particular. "He must have been very close with Wade." He strolled over to the wounded penguin, who was surrounded by patrons and being bandaged by Hodgelett. "Welcome to the club," he said merrily. "You'll be back in a few weeks, and then you'll have a lotta stories to tell us all. I'll buy you a drink!" he said brightly as the ambulence arrived to cart him off to the hospital. He continued smiling as the crowd dispersed, but on the inside he was already focusing his attention on catching the crook who did this.

Wade faded back in to conciousness. "This. *Wheeze* is not. my. day."

OOC. Is this not very Dallasesque? :)

IC. Byron now understood what had happened. Voilet Brackets cat was placed strategically to cause a diversion as soon as Byron sat drunkenly down. This commotion had given the perp a window of oppertunity to take the penguin out. Byron had felt the threat to Wade as soon as he had met him. His Psychic abilities dimmed by alchohol had senced the presence of someone who had bad feelings toward Wade but Byron was unable to focus his powers on the identity of the Perp.

So who Shot Wade the penguin?

Was it Lord Byron, Neville, BFFG, Hodgelett, Stefanie of Enn, Adain of Avarhierrim, Iron Pig, Bahgum, Sir boots, Darrick of Nargopia, Bentonberg, Cybertoria or Powteria?

The list read like a whos who from the Usual suspects but this time there were no Pesky Kids and their dog to find the answers.
It was up to the Members in the Bar to work this one out.

Byron Looked at the Members and tried to read if any had Motive, Failed and decided it was time to sober up for a while.

Neville he called. A large pot of your strongest coffee and some pills to counter the Withdrawl symptoms. This is elementary my dear Neville! But i am too pissed to concentrate!

BFFG, on the other hand, knew the only way his brain would be able to wrap around the problem was by consuming even more alcohol. After several shots of brandy, he was ready to solve the case. But first, he needed a nap.

OOC: I have no clue if it's Dallas like, never seen it. I just thought it was getting kind of boring in the bar. What better way to add excitement than getting shot!

IC: Wade was rushed to the nearest Hospital, where he was put on life support. The doctors stated that he would most likly survive, since the blow was cushioned by his Appendix.

Hodgelett watched stupified as the paramedics carried Wade out the door.
"I'm certain I locked that door, if they could have come in, whoever shot him could have got out." She turned quickly, "we don't know who did it do we? I don't see anyone being restrained by the heavy weight members...."
She sat down abruptly on a stool. "What a scene to come back on. I need a drink." She shivered. "So much violence, you'd think there was a plot against the UN or something."
Her eye drifted over an empty cluster of seats. "And no sign of Dicey, Bast or even Brother Timothy. Last time I heard from him he was popping pills like smarties."

"Apparently, Wade will survive, as the bullet hit his appendix. As to why a penguin has an appendix, well, that's a mystery for another time," Stephanie began. "So. Everyone here could be a suspect. Or, as Hodgelett pointed out, it is possible that the assailant is not in the room. But let's just start with the ones here.
"The people in the room: Lord Byron, Neville, BFFG, Hodgelett, Adaine of Avarhierrim, Iron Pig, Bahgum, Sir boots, Darrick of Nargopia, Bentonberg, Cybertoria, Powteria, Violet Bracket and myself. So. Anyone know of any long-held grudges against the penguins?"

"its AdainE with an e u moron, and i don't need people pityin me and buyin me drinks. I didn't shoot the penguin."

* Adaine had suspicion that his country had paid an assaisn that would get caught and blamed for the attck on the royal penguin thus startin a war. the rating would triple*

"Ah-day-ne-e? Interesting. I thought it was like "Anne" and silent." Hodgelett turned to Stephanie. "You do realise I came into the room after Wade was shot. While I didn't pass anyone coming out the Bar as I came in, it's possible they could have already left, or left when the door was opened to the paramedics." She thought a moment. "Do we even know if Wade was the intended target? It seems a little strange to shoot a penguin, even such a fine one."

Byron mispelled it.

Well met all. I'm Tarathiel Sunarrow the representative of Luruar and think this tavern is a great idea. Eh, is this a bad time?

iron pig could sense the chaos at the bar as he came up to the reckage of his lab* Oh no, if they thought there has been some trouble then they are about to get a big suprize......well at least I know whats going*he said as a shadowy figure jumped down around him he swung his fist around and heard a sickening crack as it made contact with his head suddenly 5 more came down and went into a frenzied attack* I dont have time for this!* He pulled out his desert eagle and quickly dispatched them all* I must get back to the bar and warn them*once again at sonic speed he bolted to the bar*

"A bad time? Not at all, not at all!" said Neville distractedly, putting a saucer of milk in front of the Luruaran delegate and a foaming beaker in front of Violet's cat. "Here, it's on the house. Welcome and all that."

The cat, lapping appreciatively, certainly seemed on the road to recovery -- definitely a plus. "Superb recuperative powers" were high on the list of prerequisites for employment as a bar cat.

Neville, however, was not at that moment thinking of expanding the staff. He was thumbing frantically through the Acme Industries instruction booklet.

"I can't use the parallel universe thingy," he announced finally. "Too much has happened since the shooting. The alternative universes are so numerous they'd clog up the machinery, zippen on the frim-fram and frippen on the glitz. I guess it's Up To Us."

This cast an understandable pall on the proceedings, since it was the conclusion Lord Byron had reached some minutes earlier. Several of the less clueless patrons, wise in the ways of the universe, began wondering if they'd entered an infinite loop or a Moebius strip. (*For the technically minded: it was a simple segue.)

"DREW, Nancy ... BELDEN, Trixie ... FIVE, The Famous ... SEVEN, The Secret," Nevilled muttered, clicking feverishly through his contact list. "Dammit, aren't there any adult fictional detectives?"

He realised a heart-beat too late what a mistake this remark had been. The crowd doubled in seconds. It's astonishing how many well-chronicled sleuths a bunch of literate drunks can come up with.

"If they're not experienced with penguins, send 'em back!" Neville yelled. But this still left a fair mob of shouting, drinking, smoking, swearing (and, in Miss Marple's case, knitting) characters behind, each one determined to do his or her investigative best for the patron who had summoned him/her.

BFFG awoke from his drunken stuppor with a start. He had done it! He had solved the case! He looked around, about to announce who had done it, when a frown crossed his face. It had all seemed so clear... but now that he was concious, he couldn't quite recall exactly how he had figured it out. He distinctly recalled something about maple syrup and a pair of twin Japanese male escorts, but how the pieces fit together he was uncertain. He frowned yet again. Now he couldn't even remember who had done it. With a sigh, he slid off his barstool and stormed across the bar. It'd look like he'd have to do this the old fashioned way. Stopping only to grab a felt-skin cap and a bubble pipe from two completely innocent Englishmen, he headed to the scene of the crime. "Out of my way!" he shouted as he made his way through the crowd of spectators. "I'm on the case now!"

Byron, Now sober, Looked to the fat man crossing the Bar. He senced he Knew something. However he didnt know if the cloud covering the revelation was the fat mans or his own. He Joined the Fat man at the scene of the crime and looked at the area for clues. He noticed how wade had fell and where wade had been standing and turned to a darkened corner of the Bar. he walked over to the corner and Produced a pen from his pocket. Kneeling down he picked up a single empty shell casing, 22 caliber. he called to Neville for a plastic bag. Neville produced an empty coun bag and the bullet casing was sealed into it. Holding the Bag Byrons Psychic ability had begun to kick in and he realised the Perp was male.
Neville, Byron enquired. The bar, Has it any CCTV we may view?
Byron enquired as he paced over to BFFG.

"No way!" said Neville, shocked. "This is supposed to be a place where delegates can relax! It's not relaxing to think there's a chance you''ll find your, um, relaxation plastered all over Page One of your local rag! Which there would be; if you leave evidence lying around, the Press is bound to find it. Ye gods, CCTV? I'd be lynched!"

The thought upset him so much he drank what was left of the Luruaran delegate's drink in one gulp. Violet's cat hissed and scratched him. Neville apologetically poured it another round.

"We tend to rely on our psi-gifted delegates," he explained to Byron. "If anyone's up to anything, somebody usually picks up something -- a premonition, guilt-feelings, anger, fear, whatever -- even if they're not actually concentrating on their psi sense at the time. Which means ..." he added thoughtfully.

Nobody cut in excitedly with a solution. Neville was peeved.

Sir Boots rises up from his comatic state, streches with a very satisfied 'ahhh' and attempts to order a drink but something is wrong.
- - - - - - - - - - -
What happened the penguin?
Is that blood that everyone is running around in?
What sort of sick game is..............OH NO!!!
That wasn't a dream was it?
- - - - - - - - - - -
His mind racing, he stares blankly at the bar.
"Blasted Alien-hand syndrome" he cries as he drops a gun to the floor.

"A .22 if i'm not mistaken" someone notes as it hits the floor.

iron pig burst in only to see men running around examining the scene and saw what looked like wade dead on the floor* I knew I shouldnt have left* Iron pig bent down next to wade muttered an incantation and stood back up* I cant protect everyone...but I wish I could. On another more doom related note....Its going to be night for a while any of you planing to go home in the morning...well there isnt going to be one...at least for the time being. Nothing to do now but wait. Man this is really depressing could the murderer be this man :sniper: ?

Sir Boots rises up from his comatic state, streches with a very satisfied 'ahhh' and attempts to order a drink but something is wrong.
- - - - - - - - - - -
What happened the penguin?
Is that blood that everyone is running around in?
What sort of sick game is..............OH NO!!!
That wasn't a dream was it?
- - - - - - - - - - -
His mind racing, he stares blankly at the bar.
"Blasted Alien-hand syndrome" he cries as he drops a gun to the floor.

"A .22 if i'm not mistaken" someone notes as it hits the floor.
Yes, That makes sence to me now, But it leaves more questions rather than answers? I had picked up on your feelings for wade from the moment you entered the bar. Why the hatred and bloodlust regarding the Giant flightless bird? Using His Telekineses Byron removed the Weopen from Sir Boots hand and it floated across to where Neville had yet another coin bag waiting.

iron pig burst in only to see men running around examining the scene and saw what looked like wade dead on the floor* I knew I shouldnt have left* Iron pig bent down next to wade muttered an incantation and stood back up* I cant protect everyone...but I wish I could. On another more doom related note....Its going to be night for a while any of you planing to go home in the morning...well there isnt going to be one...at least for the time being. Nothing to do now but wait. Man this is really depressing could the murderer be this man :sniper: ?
OOC. you didnt read the previous posts, did you? :D

IC. Neville, Your machine is acting up again! Iron Pig is in an alternate Reality. :eek: You really should call in the service technicians.

"I couldn't have done it" :headbang: "I wouldn't have" :headbang: "I was unconsious"

"I've been framed I tell you, framed. I'm innocent."

Sir Boots looks lost, his eyes appealing for understanding, but receiving only confused stares.

"Just what we didn't need" Hodgelett groaned. She rang the hospital for about the 5th time in as many days. "How's Mr. Wade? The penguin. Yes the penguin. What do you mean try the vet? The last shooting case with the ruptured appendix. Yes 'that penguin'. How is he? Well that's good. Now madam, I need a padded ward, with external locks, a psycho-analysist, a memory-searcher, a security guard, a lie-detector and a good supply of mochaccinos. Got that? Oh yes, and a similarly equipped van."
Hodgelett switched off her mobile. "Sir Boots, you know how it is, as the main suspect we have to keep you safe and let the internal investigators question you. If you have been framed they can't get at you, and if it was you, I'm sure your country will find the best treatment for you." She paused. "I think Neville still does deliveries." She paused again, "Oh yea, media silence, no police and all that I should imagine." Looks significantly at the others. "Neville, you chosen an investigator yet? And I need a drink after all this."
She gave the zombie-like Sir Boots a hug. "I hope everything turns out right for you."

it was all too convenient, Byron thought. Byron believed Sir Boots. It was nothing to do with the fact that they both had ties to Royalty and had vast estates and wealth. Byron knew Sir boots was certainly capable of the shooting but something nagged him constantly. No Sir Boots deffinately did not commit the shooting this time. Byron also sensed the perp was still in the room. He could read his blackest thoughts yet there was still nothing identifiable. It was only a matter of time.

BFFG was going over the scene of the crime with a magnifiying glass he had fashioned out of the bottom of a beer glass and twist-ties. It didn't magnify anything, but it helped him concentrate, and the breaking of the beer glass had been a great stress reliever. Hmm... he thought to himself. This is interesting... He picked up a piece of paper. It appeared to be a business card. BFFG felt a strange feeling of familiarity as he glanced at it. Pulling out a cell phone, he set it to speaker mode and dialed the number, holding it up so everyone could hear. After two rings, a machine on the other side picked up. "Greetings. You have reached Tanaka Escort Service. We are temporarily closed for a short while. Please, call again later this week. We apologize for any inconvienence. Tanaka Escort Service- Twin Japanese Male Escorts since 1984."
BFFG hung up and absorbed what he had learned.

Renewed by the reassuring hug of Hodgelett Sir Boots was struck by an uncharacteristic brainwave.
'The only way to prove my innocence is to proove my innocence'

With that thought he pondered 'Who would want to frame me! Who has a motive!'

He was lagging behind the others in the investigation but he was determined to get to the bottom of this crime and clear his name.

oh $hit maybe thats why all the bar folk looked a little strange (srry for the confusion the post was probably too long and I have a short attention span)
Now how to get out of this crazy crazy place. Maybe that had to do with the 6 men that attacked me. Suddenly the alternate bar turned dark and all the strange things in the bar were gone, *a light turned on then started to flicker, iron pig thought he heard movement*Damn, he wispered to himself, almost out of ammo im gonna have to conserve* The movement got closer *He listened closly, and heard it running strait towards him* A little more, he said *Now the thing was right infront of him he calmly flipped it over and heard a sickening thud on the ground, he hit the top of the light flickering over head and it started to work again he looked on the floor and saw a man...and strangly it was a man totally wrapped in bandages* What the...*He saw a mirror next to the bar suspecting something, to his shock he was...whole, a real human being* how can this be? Well it is an alternate universe...but still*Iron pig sat there for a while in shock* Bar tender get me anoth...oh. * He silently walked out the door and began to wander aimlessly through the large 'alien' landscape*

PS: even though I have a short attention span doesnt mean my post will get any shorter...Im sorry. :confused:

OOC: Fatus Maximus, you read Hsu and Chan- Game Designers too? Great comic. Or is Tanaka a name you mad eup that happens to be the same?

IC: Wade finally regained full conciousness. "Some one get me a beer!"

ooc: Tanaka is a common Japanese name.

"Tiger" Tanaka is the head of the Japanese spy network in You Only Live Twice (James Bond book)

BFFG looked around the thread. Those Japanese twins had to be here somewhere... He hurried to Neville and asked, "Is there any way out of this bar besides the main entrance?" Neville pointed towards the back of the bar. BFFG whirled around, just in time to see the back door wobble from someone just having left. "Of all the cliches to steal from a detective movie, why'd I have to choose that one?" he complained.

OOC: I stole the name from James Bond. :D

Oh Freddie Uncle Charlie Katie!

ooc: ;)

Neville savagely pushed "Reset" on the Acme Industries contraption. To his surprise, this function, at least, still worked. Iron Pig, appearing suddenly a few inches above the floor, fell to earth with a resounding "Thud!"

"Welcome back to reality," Neville said, pushing a restorative ale towards him.

But the welcome was misleading, for the fictional detectives conjured up by the Bar's inhabitants were still milling about looking for something to do (with the exception of 1930s heart-throb Sam Spade, who seemed to be getting on particularly well with Stephanie, possibly because of a mutual preference for "just the facts, ma'am").

From its snoozing place up in the rafters, Pojo opened its eyes and looked down with interest at the proceedings below. Hello, it thought, Something interesting is going on. That being established, it went back to sleep.

A round of blue Bahgumian Brandies all round Neville m'lad, tha's looking at treasurer fer t'region and it has to be spent constrict...constructibbly.....well.

Hey Neville would you pour a round of vodka to all the delegates includeing you, Im buying!

"So what's the celebration?" Neville asked, lining up vodkas behind the Bahgumian Blues and wondering whether to wake Pojo up again to take part.
"I know Sir Albert's just been let loose in his region's Treasury, and indeed I'll drink to that, but what's your happy face for, Cybs ol' son?"

Wade was angry. "Who shot me?! Find out, now!" The doctors had a hard time getting him to sleep that night.

Stephanie suddenly stood, walked over to the Bar, and handed over her mug and tab to Neville.

"Everyone, it's been an absolute ball. I sincerely hope you find out who it was who shot Wade. I'm afraid I have to go now, and Enn's going to be difficult to contact. Maybe I won't get to return, but who knows? I've definitely said that before."

Having said this, she bowed to the Bar, and strode out the door.

BFFG sniffled a little bit. "You'll be missed," he said as the door swung shut. He looked around at the other delegates, remembering they had a case to solve. The investigation was getting old, and no one really wanted to dig for clues. "Oh well," he muttered. "Looks like I'll have to wrap this one up myself." He took a swig of his beer, then stood up and paced the bar for a moment before coming to a halt and thinking aloud. "Now," he said brightly, "when a detective movie's dragged on for too long, all the detective has to do is point to the first suspicious-looking charachter he sees, and invariably he'll make a run for it, seeing as he's the criminal the detective's been chasing for the last two hours. Let's see how well it works here." The fat man whirled around and pointed at the first suspicious charachter he saw, a tall man wearing a black trenchcoat. The man burst out of his seat and shot for the door, making a run for it, but was tackled to the ground by several of the larger delegates. BFFG finished his beer, then strode over to the figure, who was being held down by Byron. Reaching into the man's pocket, he pulled out revolver. Then, on a whim, he reached into other pocket and removed a bottle of maple syrup. "Just as I suspected... the Syrup lobbies of Uberpenguinland hired the Tanaka twins to assasinate Wade for his anti-syrup legislation, and this guy came here to make sure they finished the job." BFFG watched as UN security strode into the bar and removed the man. "Well, this case is closed. Who wants to buy me a drink?"

WEARTAWYT?!?!?! WTF?! WERE?!?!?! oh... Well thank you neville....*As he looked disheartedly at his bandages* How many people have been shot....and not be me fatus, cause its getting kind of repetitive.

"The Syrup lobbies? The Syrup lobbies tried to assassinate me? Because I didn't pass that law that gave them complete control of the Government, probably." Wade went back to a nearby hotel for some rest.

Hmmm assassins...to me mothers in law! *a fiercesome and overly protective squad of the dreaded Bahgumian mother in law security detail (international terrorism branch), gather around Sir Albert*

Sir Albert fixes a steely, if slightly cross-eyed and inebriated, stare to the room "Nah then, ah've got a pint o' blue brandy t'drink (note: that's a Bahgumian pint, which is equivalent to the volume of a carthorses nosebag) , and these 'ere grand lasses will stay till it's safe to do so".

Footnote: The Dreaded Bahgumian Mil is the envy of the worlds military and security organisations, an envy only tempered by the relief that being based in Bahgum they are less likely to visit your house.

"Well that's Sir Boots safe with nothing more than some psycholgical problems, which have improved with this case. By the way, found any reason why he was framed?" she asked the BFFM. She turned to see a glass of blue best Bahgum and one of a colourless liquid which turned out to be vodka at her elbow. She thought a moment, carefully poured first grenadine into a glass then the vodka, topping off with the Bahgumbian blue and a lemon. With more interest than hope of liking the concotion she sipped it, raised an eyebrow then offered it to anyone who wanted to try it.

Sir Albert reaches over and removes the lemon from the ladies drink. "ere lass, in Bahgum we 'ave one o' these wi' our drinks", and deftly replaces the lemon with a chunk of turnip.

BFFG squeezed past the stone faced mothers in law and grinned at Sir Albert. "I think I've found a new best friend," he said. "Oy! Bartender! A carthorse's nosebag of ale for me and my buddy over here!"

OCC: Iron Pig- huh?

Lord Byron was still brushing off his immaculatly tailored suit after his rugby tackle on the man whom he had closed in on. As soon as Bffg poited him out byron sensed his thoughts and saw in full the event that led to the Shooting and hence. He Knew he would flee so Before the Man moved Byron acted. Using his telekinesis he slid a bar stool under the man as he ran tripping him but stalling him just long enough to knock him over and grip him in a templar head lock.

Nice deductive skills BFFG he said to the fat man. I'll get you that drink now the world is safer because of "fatman and Byron"

Byron turned to neville and ordered a round for everone in the bar.

"TO THE FATMOBILE!!!" roared the fat man drunkenly, wrapping his arms around Sir Albert and the mother-in-law nearest to him good naturedly. :D

Hodgelett decided the turnip did make a difference to the taste and watchingit bob up and down in it's white roundness came up with a name for it. "A Bloody Blue Moon." Then she noticed that most people were paying more attention to BFFG's drunken batman impressions and sighed.

Sir Albert nods to the mother in law to restrain her natural killer tendencies. A misplaced arm on a freshly washed unfashionable cardigan has been the demise of many a good man. He then casually warms his blue brandy on the steam emanating from the MIL's ears, and quietly dismisses teh MIL squad, the only man in Bahgum with the power to do so (and no-one quite knows why). But as Sir Albert always reckons, anybody who buys him a carthorse nosebag of ale is an instant fellow to be nice to.

"ere lass, if tha reckons turnip is good now, just thee wait till it sinks t'bottom of that there drink and flakes a bit...by eck, then it's fair grand!"

"don't faget aboud the blue! it ain't the same widdout de blue!" the fat man said happily before slipping off into his tenth alcohol-induced slumber this week.

Wade walked back into the bar.

"Wasssssssssssuuuuuupppppp!"

As Byron was now advanced in his return to a state of drunkenness he wrapped his arms round Wade and Giving him a manly bear hug proclaimed, " I Bleedin Lurve you! Your all right guy!

wassssuppp??? Obviously you, Wade, dear chap. It must have hurt walking into that bar, if the dent is anything to go by..... (old jokes can't be resisted)

"Hmm, we really must get that bar raised above knee height if the vertically challenged members, like Wade, keep walking in to it. I guess no-one wants to find out why Sir Boots was framed." She took out a deck of cards and shuffled them, using the bridge method, before starting a game of Corners solitaire.

"Christ! Do I have to do everything around here?" griped BFFG as he returned to the waking world. "Fine, fine... hmm..." Walking over to the table the maple syrup man had been sitting at, he examined it- first the table, then the booth chair. "Aha! What's this, then?" Leaning over carefully, he used a pair of tweezers to remove a folded piece of paper from the crack where the seat bet the booth. Unfolding it proved it to be a photograph of Wade. On the back was a list of instructions on how to hire the Tanaka twins and supervise the hit. And, most telling of all, were the words, "Frame the first hapless shmuck you come across." "Case closed!" BFFG said happily. "Now, who's gonna pay my bill?"

"I'll make you one of these then, if I could have the ingredients again Neville? Thanks."
After a couple of minutes Hodgelett set a Bloody Blue Moon in front of the BFFG.

"Mmm... blue lunar orbital object soaked in blood...", the fat man said, salivating a bit.

At this stage Byron was fighting off the pink elephant who was after his bar nuts. He ever had this reaction to drink, well not since his college days but it was obvious. Someone had spiked his Drink!
This would have been a case for the Fatman and Byron but being one half of that equation Byron was clearly in no way capable to investigate. Violet Bracket walked up to him took him by the hand and sat him down near the bar. "Thats what you get for sitting on my cat " she thought while Byron sat viewing the the bar, its contents and Patrons through a rainbow.
Psychedelic!

iron pig looks at byron quizziczlly* Dont tell me....another night on the couch byron? You really need to start practicing your binge drinking. Oh and too the guy who said 'huh?' I just came from a frickin alternate demention..

Sir Boots busts out through the toilet door and into the bar.
''Has my innocense been proved? If so why in Kablah's good name was I left locked in there for 4 days?"
He stumbles over to the bar to sit.
"It's a good job I had my emergency Absinth kit with me."
His head sways as he attempts to speak coherently
"Me and the green fairy had a nice chat we did. And we came to the conclusion that I should run at the door head first. And so I did."
With that Sir Boots returns to his more accustomed resting place, a beer-mat.

iron pig looks at byron quizziczlly* Dont tell me....another night on the couch byron? You really need to start practicing your binge drinking. Oh and too the guy who said 'huh?' I just came from a frickin alternate demention..


ooc: :D

Sir Albert looks up from beneath the stool he can't remember sliding under....."practicing??!!??...there are practice drinkers in here??!??.....you better have that fact straight m'lad, as otherwise it's a foul and contemptible slur....next thing there'll be turnips at dawn.......barkeep...place a pint on the bar, and a long straw......I may be down here a while...."

Well, I've finally turned to the bar for comfort... I just can't believe the UN anymore... counterterrorist measures to stop the death of many by being friendly and sharing information: bad; protecting murderers from the death penalty just because it makes you feel morally upright: good. I just don't get it.

*sighs deeply and orders a drink (or twenty)*

Well, I've finally turned to the bar for comfort... I just can't believe the UN anymore... counterterrorist measures to stop the death of many by being friendly and sharing information: bad; protecting murderers from the death penalty just because it makes you feel morally upright: good. I just don't get it.

*sighs deeply and orders a drink (or twenty)*

I oppose both of those things, the latter for obvious reasons, and the former because it's just a bunch of useless red tape and a waste of money.

*takes another swig* And people reply to you all the time without reading up on the subject of debate. Because I'm really making something illegal with my resolution, and it costs very little money.

[sigh] Few people ever go to the debate

*takes another swig* And people reply to you all the time without reading up on the subject of debate. Because I'm really making something illegal with my resolution, and it costs very little money.

Byron stood Tall and Upright, A position which betrayed his current innebriation. Arse! he yelled, clear and concisely, Its all a load of arse! he yelled again before falling on it.


OOC. Dont take it personally when others dont see your point of view. The hallowed Halls of the UN are well reknowned as a Liberal Playground and such bills are always difficult to pass. Drop the Dead donkey, and move on.

Sir Albert hauls hisself back on to the barstool, clips hisself to the bar (handy hook on the UN bar) looks around and a sense of panic crosses his face....."here, barbloke, a double round of best Bahgumian bitter for all, it looks like there is a danger of a serious debate breaking out.....pour quickly man, there's no time to lose, it must be stopped......."

'Turnips at dawn. Is that a challange Sir Albert?'

Sir Boots realises it was only a passing comment and so shut's the hell up and graceously accepts Baghumians kind gesture of his national Bitter.

OOC. Dont take it personally when others dont see your point of view. The hallowed Halls of the UN are well reknowned as a Liberal Playground and such bills are always difficult to pass. Drop the Dead donkey, and move on.
OOC: Yeah, I know... I wasn't annoyed that he didn't see my point of view, I was annoyed that he didn't even read the resolution before acting like he had an intelligent opinion on it.

Wade got up off the floor.

"Watching the mating dance of some ants. Very interesting."

iron pig looks at byron quizziczlly* Dont tell me....another night on the couch byron? You really need to start practicing your binge drinking. Oh and too the guy who said 'huh?' I just came from a frickin alternate demention..

dimension is how its spelt

hey...ok! I dont bother with spelling...murderer....*he said as he looked at the drunken byron* this is kind of sad...byron I really need to teach you how to drink.

Lessons in how to drink. mmmmmmmmm. Interesting.

Compulsory education of the proper etiquitte and technique of alcohol consumption sounds like a proposal to me.

Sir Boots removes his UN delegate's pen and rites a note on his 'Note to Self' notepad. "Remember to teach nation how to drink."

Big Friendly Fat Guy grinned. "All ya gotta do is t'take the drink, put it to your lips- like so- and pour it," he said, demonstrating. "Oh, and not breathe. There is that."

You misunderstand me :D . Byron here doesnt know when to stop. He also doesnt know how to stop. Fatus...you are an experienced drinker...but you have little class after large consumption.

Byron, Stood up and staggered over to Iron pig whom he gave a Nuggie (playful Knuckle rub of the Head). Sitting beside the man whom had given him his super human speed and strength, adding to his Psychic abilities, when he injected Byron with the strange serum in the Hospital, Byron Gripped Pig and politely informed him he was ready for his advanced drinkers course.

dimension is how its spelt

It's* is how it's spelled. ;)

Anybody wana join me in the longe to watch E.S.P.N.?

Lets not nit pick shall we? Byron by the way you might want to get some rest...will start in the morning...I would start today but you smell of strong vodka...not a good thing...so get some rest I think I will too...considering I was in an alternate DIMENSION

Lets not nit pick shall we? Byron by the way you might want to get some rest...will start in the morning...I would start today but you smell of strong vodka...not a good thing...so get some rest I think I will too...considering I was in an alternate DIMENSION


Alternate Dimention? Man you must really be wasted!

It's* is how it's spelled. ;)

"I'm going to rip your throat out" said Adaine with a fixed smile

BFFG, sensing the growing tension, decided it needed to be redirected to someone more able to withstand it- namely, himself. But how could he become a lightning rod for the arguments and eye-staring contests popping up around the bar? He approached the jukebox in the corner that no one had ever noticed before, and, inserting a quarter, selected #65, "Love is in The Air." Slowly, and deliberately off-key, he began to sing, occasionally side stepping rotten vegetables thrown from afar.

"Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound

And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Love is in the air
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea

And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name

Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
In the rising of the sun
Love is in the air
When the day is nearly done

And I don't know if you're an illusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you

Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise

But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh."

Evelyn Bennet enters the room, when she spots an odd sort of man singing "Love is in the Air" on the Karaoke. Strangely enough, the song touches and profoundly moves her.

Bravo, Bravissimo! An absolutely stirring performance!

After her enthusiastic approval, she decides to find a seat at the bar. She orders a pina coloda and drinks it, watching the rest of the spectacle with interest.

I'm Sorry! did you say something Pig mate? I was asleep!

Neville! Another Round of Irish Merriement for everyone oh and a pint of vodka!!

Any body wana join me in around of singing "We Are The Champions"?

The Caliph ceases the use of his hookah for a moment, clears his throat, and begins.


I’ve paid my dues -
Time after time -
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I’ve made a few
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I’ve come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
’cause we are the champions - of the world -

I’ve taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it -
I thank you all -

But it’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain’t gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
’cause we are the champions - of the world -


***
OOC: shamelessly copied from here. (http://www.lyricsfreak.com/q/queen/112595.html)

Lanchester awoke with a start, and opened a sleepy eye. To his utter amazement, there were dozens of people in the bar, unlike the deserted place it had been when he had started his nap. He got up, shook his arms and legs, and announced:

'So, whos for a drink?'

He looked at the quizical faces surrounding him, and added quickly, '...on me of course...'

A man enters the bar clad in a black, double breasted, fine silk suit and accompanied by a gentleman whom appears to be a body guard. The guard carries a case of liquor to the bar labelled MACALLAN 1937 and hands it off to the steward to be placed in the private stock locker then exits the bar.

The remaining gentleman approaches the bar and introduces himself to the barkeep; "My name is Johnathan Marchier, President of the Region of Aligned Statehoods and the nation of Techsearch. I'd like you to fetch a bottle of the Macallan's my guard just brought in and a tray of glasses if you would."

He waits for the barkeep to return, opens the bottle and places it on the tray before picking the tray up and meandering over to the billiards area. Upon reaching the billiards tables he sits down at one of the nearby booths, pours himself a scotch and waits for an opening at one of the tables.

Edward Jones enters the bar, a spring in his step that was not there previously. Gesturing expansively, he announces, "Good evening everyone! I am happy to report that I've been promoted in recognition of my hard work with the UN. Once I was the lowly Ambassador to the UN for Texan Hotrodders, and now I am the Minister for UN Affairs of Texan Hotrodders and the HotRodian empire." After pausing to allow a moment of applause, Edward continued, "In addition, I now have an assistant to help me with all my work, Deputy Minister Thomas Smith." Edward pointed over his shoulder at the dark and brooding fellow behind him. "Free drinks all round!"

*Adaine was amazed at the third offer to get him a drink. if Avarhierrim showing kindness either saw you as being weak or pulling a scam. Adaine wondered if they were tryin to poison him.*

Shamelessly, another order of coffee is ordered and placed on Edward Jones' tab - "He did say it, did he not?".

That the order is for one pot, and the coffee itself is imported specially from Koala Lumpor - we won't mention the seasonings and brewing techniques which must be used. That pot takes up a good portion of the table, even including the gold spigot and the coal burners which keep it at just the right temperature.

The Caliph takes another puff from his hookah and smiles, giving a slight nod to the man who just paid as much as for a new car for a few dozen cups of the best dark roast available....

Sir Boots hasn't even noticed all the people joining him at the bar.
He's been far too preoccupied finishing off all the free boose that's been fired at him.

"WOW, Me likes this bar." he quietly mutters as he throws another drink down his throat.

"This nation has been determined to be in breach of UN rules, which allow you to only have one nation in the UN at any given time. It has thus been ejected and barred from re-joining.

Please note this is the most lenient punishment. Further breaches will be punished with nuclear strikes against all offending nations, destroying them.

If you wish to appeal this decision, please contact the game moderators via the Help page."

First of all where is the help page........

Destroying all nations with nuclear power is absurd. Who is writing this garbage. I see nations applying all the time with World1 and World2 and World3, are these nations being wiped off the map?

The idea of the UN attacking nations with force, for no REAL reason seems counter-productive. Whoever it is thats running THAT show needs some education in diplomacy. I have two countries of which I apply totally different rules, one is very liberal the other is conservative of which I would like both to be involved in activities of the UN.

Is that very wrong? Does it justify a nuclear attack? Is it really THAT big a deal? It so happens that this ejection happens immediately after I left the North Pacific region complaining of bickering and fighting like children. I'm thinking it had more to do with that then running 2 separate countries with different motivations.

I enjoyed NS until today.

......slides a beer to the serious one who got in under the wire.......

I didn't know where else to post it sorry

Hey, barfolkles...it seems that the sense of humour is officially dead!!!
Bahgum posted a silly note in one of the stickies on the UN forum (the one titled: rules for Un proposals_ now officially binding)..

We only asked if the rules would be in a nice folder once they had come back from the binders....

The comment got deleted.....the thread got locked....and the miserable one who did this didn't even see fit to let me know. Censorship anyone? I'm sure this site is based on a funny book I read...amazing how folk lose the plot...

Anyway pint for all to celebrate the sense of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Duuuuuude. I'm so drunk. I'm going home."

Lanchester awoke with a start, and opened a sleepy eye. To his utter amazement, there were dozens of people in the bar, unlike the deserted place it had been when he had started his nap. He got up, shook his arms and legs, and announced:

'So, whos for a drink?'

He looked at the quizical faces surrounding him, and added quickly, '...on me of course...'

BFFG poured a mug over Lanchester's head good-naturedly. "Now it IS on you!" he roared.

'Ah hahahaha. Looks like Lancaster could do with those lessons on how to drink.' Sir Boots roars just before he grabs his drink and somehow misses that big mouth of his.
'eh......' the now very red face of Sir Boots asks 'another drink please barkeep (cough-cough) and not one with a crack in the glass this time.'

SON OF A*iron pig yelled, everyone in the bar turned to stare* Sorry to have disturbed you. Yes it seems my judgement has been clouded...I shall retire for bed * Iron pig walked into the sleeping chambers of the bar...then a few seconds later he came out looking strangly refreshed...and he smelled of mint* :eek: :mp5:

The Caliph ceases the use of his hookah for a moment, clears his throat, and begins.


I’ve paid my dues -
Time after time -
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I’ve made a few
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I’ve come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
’cause we are the champions - of the world -

I’ve taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it -
I thank you all -

But it’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain’t gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
’cause we are the champions - of the world -


***
OOC: shamelessly copied from here. (http://www.lyricsfreak.com/q/queen/112595.html)

Excellent rendition!

"This nation has been determined to be in breach of UN rules, which allow you to only have one nation in the UN at any given time. It has thus been ejected and barred from re-joining.

Please note this is the most lenient punishment. Further breaches will be punished with nuclear strikes against all offending nations, destroying them.

If you wish to appeal this decision, please contact the game moderators via the Help page."

First of all where is the help page........

Destroying all nations with nuclear power is absurd. Who is writing this garbage. I see nations applying all the time with World1 and World2 and World3, are these nations being wiped off the map?

The idea of the UN attacking nations with force, for no REAL reason seems counter-productive. Whoever it is thats running THAT show needs some education in diplomacy. I have two countries of which I apply totally different rules, one is very liberal the other is conservative of which I would like both to be involved in activities of the UN.

Is that very wrong? Does it justify a nuclear attack? Is it really THAT big a deal? It so happens that this ejection happens immediately after I left the North Pacific region complaining of bickering and fighting like children. I'm thinking it had more to do with that then running 2 separate countries with different motivations.

I enjoyed NS until today.
OOC. Thems the rules my friend. Oh to have the power to Control the Regions Delegates job, the only truly democratic thing in the entire Nationstates game.
IC. Chill My man. Have a beer and drown your sorrows. In fact everyone have a beer and drown your sorrows. I propose a toast!

To the Merry and not so merry members of these United Nations Strangers Bar, The many past and forgotten, Those whom are yet to post their wise words over these libations, and in the spirit of not trying to assassinate each other within these walls due to there being no point thanks to nevilles gizmo, Friends and Foe alike, I wish you all good Health!
Lord Byron, Downing his drink in one swift gulp, turned held the tankard aloft like a sporting trophy, and yet again fell on his arse!

Stephanie entered the bar, glad that the whole dragons-closing-off-Enn's-borders thing was over. She looked around.

"Let's see," she mused to herself. "Who's here? There's Byron, there's the man in black from Iron Pig, there's Adaine, BFFG, and... who's that? Vastivan dress... seems the Caliph is now taking part in the Strangers' Bar."

She walked over to the Bar, took her mug from Violet Bracket, and said:

"Everyone, I'm back. And you know what that means. Ennish shandies for everyone!"

WOO HOO...wait whats a shandy?*iron pig said as he took a seat and look quizzaclly at the once again passed out byron* I have nothing to talk about now so ill just sit here contemplating life.

"Well, your standard shandy is beer with lemonade. Ennish shandies have a few other things added, but I can't tell you what, it's one of the few state secrets that survived Enn's revolution a few months back."

Realizing that Iron Pig was in danger of philosophizing, BFFG hurried over from his tomato pelted corner by the jukebox and sat down next to Iron Pig. "42," he said, immediately answering whatever question he had been pondering. "It's always 42." The fat man stood up again and motioned to the bartender. Now that that's over, you can get back to drinking this precious, life-giving alcohol." Turning to the delegate from Enn, he said, "It's been a while, Stephanie! Long time no see! I'd give you a hug, but I'm covered in rotton tomatoes at the moment." He turned and glared at the small home grown fruit and vegetable stand owner who had inopportunely entered the bar just as BFFG had begun the second verse by the jukebox.

The diplomatic group from the Commonwealth of Sentient Computers appear from the casino room out one side of the bar, one obviously has had some luck and is shouting his companions - and anyone nearby, a drink.

"Who wants to live forever is still the best Queen song in my opinion" grins MS-Dos 1.0, as the last strains of We are the Champions dies down. "I intend on living forever... going to upgrade to thermo-nuclear resistant cermatics when I get the chance."

"Brrr#ziit# OoOoOo*zPROing!*Huhhhh-ttt-h." says a slightly smaller android, obviously suffering some technical difficulties.

"Bite my glorious shiney goldern ass." growls another unit blowing cigar smoke in the direction of the smaller android. Perhaps he understood?

"Okay, make room, four Guniness'." as the most offical looking of the group returns with the drinks.

Despite the disapproval of the Big Fat Friendly Guy, Neville was glad to welcome back Conan the Vegetarian and his hand-cart of home-grown goodies. The fruito had lightened many a heavy debate by tossing in a shrewd ripe tomato or a cunningly argued banana-peel.

"Have an Ennish shandy," Neville pressed the vendor. "Stephanie's shout."

But even the prospect of free booze failed to smooth the lines of worry on Conan's brow.

"I'm going broke, mate," he mourned. "Nobody makes corny puns in UN debates anymore. Time was, they were always raisin hell; there'd be someone calling someone else a has-bean, or urging a peas-ful settlement, or tossing them a real hot potato, or demanding a re-peel. But these days -- y'know what sort of money I make now? Peanuts, that's what! The whole thing's gone to seed!"

He sobbed into his shandy.

"It's all these meaty resolutions," Neville agreed. "With so much at steak, they're all too well-done. Nobody ever runs into a snag, and the sort of tripe we used to see is really rare. Pity there aren't more of the same kidney as Sir Albert; then the fat would really be in the fire and the sessions would sizzle again."

Smiling sweetly, Violet distributed custard tarts to the patrons.

Ooc: Roflmao!!!

Sir Albert jumps to life....a custard tart!!!! He gleefully grabs a tart, gets slapped by her, puts her down and gets his hands on a custard tart. Then he slaps Fatus Maximus in the face with the custard pie, chuckles, belches, and runs off to find the bumper UN box of party hats and clowns outfits, left over form the historical UN circus outbreaks of days gone by......

Evelyn Bennet wakes up, and realizes that she has dozed off for quite some time. She stares about the room in a few moments of puzzlement, but finally realizes where she is.
"Fantastic," she thinks to herself. "Honestly. I'm supposed to be an ambassador for the UN, and I've just spent the entire night drunk and asleep on a barstool." At this realization, she groans, and buries her head in her hands. After a moment she lifts her head and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror behind the bar. Her disheveled reflection squints back at her with wrinkled clthes, and loose strands of hair sticking out at odd angles.
"Bloody hell," she mutters, and frantically smoothes her hair and clothes in orde to retain a small shred of dignity. She is just straigtening herself up on her stool, when she notices that there are free drinks go around. However, as she starts to reach for one, she catches herself.
"For God's sake girl, exercise some self-control! Please retain some sense of professionalism." She casts one more glance at the drinks, her eyes fiery with determination, but then crumples down, and reaches for a glass.
"Oh, what the hell. I'm a bloody mess anyway."

BFFG chuckled. "I doubt that anyone here hasn't slept all night under the bar. You're in good company." Turning to the rest of the bar, he shouted, "All right! Who want's some of my custard pie? It's starting to drip!"

Im singing karyoke, come join me if you want to! I do not own this song, Im just singing it.

Shining light
Another day turns into night
Eternal fire
Waited all my life

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Tears I cried
Kept them all inside
I needed time
To make up my mind

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away

Hastily Neville scribbles a sign and tapes it on the karaoke machine:

Switch Off When Atmospheric Concentration Of Custard Tarts Exceeds Optimum Operating Standards.

Do Not Use Within 500m Of Ungrounded Slapstick Comedians.

Improper Exposure To Discriminating Audiences May Generate Unpredictable Effects.

Alas, too late ...

I hate 42...we have a bad history together...like that one year in 2042...oh crap Ive said too much....You must forget! No one heard anything!*waves his hand in a jedi mind trick motion. The bar has gotten pretty full lately...oh and thanks fatus you saved me from becoming what I have hated for so long....A PHILOSIPHER!!!!!!!!!!*bum bum bum....dramatic reverb coming from no where*

Moving quickly to prevent chaos from taking over, or at least spreading, BFFG grabbed a shovel that had randomly been placed on the bar and whacked Iron Pig on the back of the head with it. Seeing the shocked looks of those around him, he said, "Relax, he'll be fine in an hour. Besides, it can't have hurt him any more than the alcohol he's consumed in the past twenty minutes."

eh hem....*grrr comes from iron pig still sitting up* Next time use a sledge hammer* as he rubbed the bloody bump on his head* An hour...ho ho ho ho...you underestimate me... For one Ill need a bandage, two the wound only slightly pains me due to the mass amount of alchohol i have consumed, and three never do that again...because next time I wont hesitate to return the favor. But I do agree with fatty on one thing...everyone...EVERYONE at some point or another in there life will get drunk and end up sleeping under a bar floor....lucky for you this is the UN strangers bar (does it make a difference?) where no one will judge.....because we all are probably worse off than you, you just dont know it yet!

'5 !!!! The universal answer is 5 !!!' screams Sir Boots
Catching himself on and calming down he quietly *well less loudly* says
'42 may well be the meaning of life but the universal answer is without a doubt, unquestionably 5. At least I think it is anyway.'

'So anymore of those Ennish Shandies going? I've gotten quite a taste for them. ;-) one for yourself there too barkeep. Agh screw it, one for everyone in the place!'

Dose this bar have a juke box?

"This bar has everything the delegate's heart may desire!" said Neville grandly.

"Within For General Exhibition guidelines, of course," he added hurriedly, noting a certain gleam in certain eyes. "Also excluding weapons of mass destruction, weapons of individual destruction (excluding alcohol and other mood-altering drugs) and gardening tools used offensively."

He deftly removed the shovel.

"In the matter of the jukebox, however," he continued, "I should mention that it is psi-sensitive. That is, if at any time 10% of the patrons are thinking along the lines of, 'Turn it down!' or,'What the hell is that godawful rubbish?' or, 'Surely nobody actually likes that sentimental gloop?', the jukebox will automatically cover the offending user in blue fairy-floss -- for our US-speakers, that's cotton candy."

Violet Bracket looked wistful. She liked fairy-floss.

Mmmmmmmmm blue cotton candy.

OH NO !!! My beautiful nation is under attack from those Lesbainian609er's.
I must bid you all adieu. I just hope I survive long enough to return.

I hope you all don't mind that Im singing a beatles song at the karyoke area.

"When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah there will be an answer let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be"

OH NO !!! My beautiful nation is under attack from those Lesbainian609er's.
I must bid you all adieu. I just hope I survive long enough to return.

"You go not alone! I pledge Fatus Maximus' support, on the vague recollection you once bought me a drink!" With that, BFFG hurried out the door after him.

*Adaine notices with intrest a war is going on, but cannot go because he is being regulary dossed in blue fairy floss (the Avar people think everyone elses music is senitemental)

OOC: Can't let Adaine suffer a moment longer, Avarhierrim. It's the guy who chooses/sings along to the sentimental stuff who gets covered in blue fairy-floss, not the innocents who are forced to listen to it.

But the verdict "sentimental" or whatever has to come from the thoughts of 10% of the customers. Since Cyb's choice is by the Beatles it cannot, obviously, be sentimental, sub-standard, rubbish or gloop. Therefore there is no blue fairy-floss. QED.

My next song is more old school it is Pink Floyds "Money"

Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're O.K.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team

"Money get back
I'm alright Jack keep your hands off my stack
Money it's a hit
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit
I'm in the hi-fidelity first class travelling set
And I think I'll need a Lear jet

Money it's a crime
Share it fairly, but don't take a slice of my pie
Money so they say
Is the root of all evil today
But if you ask for a rise it's no surprise that they're
giving none away. "

Planet Hell-Nightwish

Denying the lying
A million children fighting
For lives in strife
For hope beyond the horizon

A dead world
A dark path
Not even crossroads to choose from
All the bloodred
Carpets before me
Behold this fair creation of God

My only wish to leave behind
All the days of the Earth
An everyday hell of my kingdom come

The 1st rock thrown again
Welcome to hell, little Saint
Mother Gaia in slaughter
Welcome to paradise, Soldier

My 1st cry neverending
All life is to fear for life
You fool, you wanderer
You challenged the gods and lost

Save yourself a penny for the ferryman
Save yourself and let them suffer
In hope
In love
This world ain`t ready for The Ark
Mankind works in mysterious ways


ok so Adaine was playing with the machine that drops fairy floss.

"Ye gods, have you lot broken that, too?"

Neville knew he would regret his outburst later -- one does not refer to one's customers as 'you lot' -- but this spate of malfunctioning machinery was getting under his skin.

Which was preferable to getting over his eyes, which was what the blue fairy-floss was doing.

"Not me!" he howled. "I'm not the one who chose those songs! It was them -- Cybertoria and Adaine of Avarhierrim!"

But evidently 10% or more of the customers held Neville to blame. He had, after all, provided the ruddy psi-sensitive juke box. No matter what nation they represented, UN delegates knew how to go straight for the jugular.

"Now there seems to be another technical problem," Stephanie muttered to the person beside her, "this time with the parallel dimension device. Neville's saying, and doing, everything twice."

"Sorry about that," Neville apologised, doing a quick edit. "I blame it on early over-exposure to Sesame Street."

He was quietly grateful that Stephanie had used the acceptable term twice, instead of the unwieldy two times that was becoming so popular.

But then, Stephanie was always a real lady. But then, Stephanie was always a real lady. But then, Stephanie was always a real lady ...

"Omigod! Thrice!"

Neville performed a swift piece of percussive maintenance on the wretched device.

"Well, it seems the technical equipment is having a few troubles, so we'll have to go retro. Anyone for pool?" Stephanie asked, picking up a cue.

Wade shambled back into the bar mumbling over and over, "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Ry'leh wah'nagl fhtagn." He sat down, yelled "Beer!" and continued his mumbling.

Erin McKinroy slumped down on a stool, glanced around with unseeing eyes waved the bartender over.

"Would you have any Crescent Hydra?" she asked.
"Yes, we keep a well stocked bar," Came the reply, "is there a particular drink you would like it served in?"
She ordered and, when the rum came, she drank it without regard for decorum or polite society. Waving for another, she resigned herself to the fact that she was going home, disgraced, and a disgrace to her family.

"Whew, that's better. I better stop reading Lovecraft late at night after drinking. Hey you," Wade said turning to Erin, "What's wrong, you look depressed."

Erin looked up from her third (fourth?) glass. "I've been replaced. My term as delegate and Aedile here at the UN is through. Now somebody from another family will be put here in my place. Likely that Questor of mine. I wouldn't be surprised if this was his family's doing."
She fell quiet long enough to drain the last of the glass. "I think I need something a little softer, this is starting to affect me. Whiskey!" She waves at the bartender. "What's your story? Relaxing after a long day of pushing papers? " She smiles slightly, a joke only professional bureaucrats would appreciate. "Erin McKinroy, Family Reid of the Republic of Marric. And you are?"

Byron Jumped up with a start!
Jaysus! Ive been out of it for a week!
Why didnt you guys try to resusitate me he exclaimed to the members and particularly at Iron Pig. Ok im refreshed. Neville any chance of a feed my man im starvin and lets all wash it down with some drink!
Drinks for everyone he yelled and got up off the floor. It was at this moment his old college chum and long time buddy came in to the Bar. Well theres a supriseyelled Byron bearhugging the Prince from the Nation of the Medici Legacy.
Prince Giancarlo Alvetti, looked sternly at Byron.
Esh me old pal, Your dads dead!
......
......
......
......
......
You havent answered any calls! The prince gripped Lord Esheram Byron in a hug and there was silence.

Suddenly a terrifying demonic scream ripped out of the penguin's mouth, "FOOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

That was when the pieces of still-living dolphin began to fly around, as more frenzied demon penguins dived out of the pool table and began to club each other with dolphins and dolphin parts.

Wade jumped under a chair. "****-A-Doodle-Doo! Who are they and where did they come from?"

<<it was at this precise point in time that Ambassador Hirosami Kildarno, resplendent in his formal attire made a cautious entrance to the room. Kildarno had heard many things about this place, and was not at all surprised to see the still moving parts of dolphins strewn across the floor. Having made one step into the bar, to realise he had stood on a dolphins former flipper, Kildarno decided against having to invest in a dry cleaning bill, and make his excuses to leave>>

Chaos abound, Dolphin pieces flying, Byron sat motionless at the bar, As if he was alone in the world. His was a life of privaledge. Born into the Most powerful and wealthy family and only son and heir to the dynasty, he had been away from home most of his life. he was at boaring schools and then to college and finaly to the Military academy in the Realm of Hibernia. He had spent all this time away and had rarely spoken to his late father. Now The Prince was dead. Byron was now Prince of the Hibernian Principality of Templar Crusaders. Two emotions coursed through him. Fear and lonelyness.
The Penny had finally dropped that his wild days of youth were now at an end and he would have to Become what his father had been.
His Uncle, The King of the Venerable Libertarians and Benevolent Overlord to the realm had summoned him to his coronation as Prince.
Prince Alvetti whom had been Prince of his Nation since his Parents died in a tragic accident when he was but a boy, was sorry for his good friend as he could see the look of terror in his face. He put his arm around Prince Esheram Byron and motioned to the door where a car was waiting outside. "Esh, Come, The King awaits and the Journey is long."
Byron Stood, Turned to the Bar as the fishy food fight continued unabaited. I will return here he thought and turned and walked out to the waiting car.

OOC. Be back in a few days, Been busy as heck in RL.

Wade ran out of the bar and to the pay phone, "Yes, 911? A bunch of demonic penguins have started a food fight using dead dolphins at the United Nations BAr. Please help us, now! No I'm not lying. You must be new. Listen, just send the Police or SWAT team or whatever!"

No sooner had Wade put down the phone, than the doors burst open at all entry/exit points and the bar fills with a full Bahgumian Mother in Law riot squad (bio-hazard and emergency ironing division).

What followed, was the swiftest and most brutally efficient dispatching of troublesome penguins the world had ever witnessed, within 40 seconds, the bar had emptied of Mothers in Law, penguins and dolphins, with only the slightly fishy aroma of penguin entrails left as proof to the event.

The quietness was then broken by Sir Albert....who apologised for his bowel problem....stands up and makes an announcement.

Gentlemen, ladies, anyone/thing else, get yourself onto the UN forum and sign the petition to resticky the UN forum. Do it now, and perhaps one our mothers in law will not need to visit your nation to 'explain' the importance of this.

My next number is from the group Aqua!

Hi Barbie
Hi Ken!
Do you wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump In...

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie, let's go party!

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blond single girl, in a fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,
kiss me here, toss me there, hanky panky...
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,
hit the town, fool around, let's go party
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-uu-ooh)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-uu-ooh)

Oh, I'm having so much fun!
Well Barbie, we're just getting started
Oh, I love you Ken!

After the song, Wade pulled out his d100. "Dang, I lost 32 Sanity Points from that! I lost less from seeing Cthulhu!"

Erin smiles slightly, unaware of the song, or of Wade's comment, and stands up, weaving her way toward the door, cursing slightly under her breath.

If he weren't a true professional, Neville would be having a good sulk. First Wade doesn't believe he can keep a simple food fight under control -- a food fight, for goodness sake! As if he hasn't kept things cool all through the Great Floor Dissolution, the Winged Delegate, Walther Brandl's many unwieldy equipment malfunctions and the occasional invasion by Mysterious Evil Powers. Really, some people!

And now, distracted by the mothers-in-law, he has let Erin of [NS]Marric wander off. Lost another sad female drinker who could have communed with Dicey Reilly, offered Brother Timothy a chance for his unique take on pastoral care and generally pushed the Bar's profit margins up to something respectable this month. Bah!

Some days, Neville reflected, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Anyone's bed.

A rather cheerful and rather sun-kissed Hodgelett entered the bar, humming to herself. She either didn't notice or didn't care that some of the more drunk or depressed members shot her baleful looks as she walked up to the bar.
"A nice earthy drink please Neville, I think I've had enough of all the tropical stuff."

SKREBmaster, the leader of his country, thought that it would a most splendid idea to pop by the local and have a pint along with the other world leaders. A pint of Guinness and he was sitting at the corner looking at some of the fellow chaps talking to each other about small issues that would potentially make a big impact one day.

Neville frowned at the request for a Guinness, then realised that he could nail several birds with a harp.

"Your pint of the Dark Stuff," he said to the SkrebMaster.

"And Hodgelett, m'dear, if you want the earthy, here is a taste of old Erin," he continued, smoothly drawing off a second one.

It was, he reflected, probably a day for a Guinness record.

Ok my next number is
"Jump" by Van Halen.


"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I’ve seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You’ve got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real
Oh can’t you see me standing here,
I’ve got my back against the record machine
I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen.
Oh can’t you see what I mean ?
Might as well jump. jump !
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump.
Aaa-ohh hey you ! how said that ?
Baby how you been ?
You say you don’t know, you won’t know
Until we begin.
Well can’t you see me standing here,
I’ve got my back against the record machine
I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen.
Oh can’t you see what I mean ?
Might as well jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump.
Might as well jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump.
(guitar solo)
(keyboard solo)
Might as well jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump.
Get it and jump. jump !
Go ahead, jump."

"Ah, the legendary, Guiness. Heard so much about it, never actually dared to drink it, though I have eaten it. Well here's to my little princess, may she stop crying." She took a sip, blinked a few times and coughed slightly. "Well, it's unusual."

The doors to the bar flew open and in stormed Big Friendly Fat Guy, the expression on his face a clear indication of his mood. "Figures! Just figures! I singlehandedly persuade my entire government to aid Sir Boots in his military campaign against Lesbania609, and they don't even have the decency to show up on the battlefield!" He made his way to the bar. "Neville! Bring me a pint! And set up a bucket of whitewash over the door for when Sir Boots gets here!" Grumbling, he sat down on a bar stool. It made a slight squishing noise as he did so. He stood back up and looked down at the seat. "And why is there a peice of dolphin flipper on my stool!?"

"Neville, I'm sorry if I offended you by calling the cops for the food fight, but those were no ordinary penguins. I saw them during UberPenguinLand's war for independance. They start out looking cute, then they just stop playing around. There's silence for about a minute. Then it happens. They pull out guns and chainsaws, and charge at a speed that seems it shouldn't be possible. They killed an entire regiment in a minute. I hope you understand." Wade walked back to his seat.

Nefariously, Neville consummated his distrust of the Big Guy by drawing off yet another Guinness for him, deftly creaming off the foam and putting it into a bucket above the door.

"Wade, would you like a Guinness?" he continued, trying to put a touch of the sweet brogue into his question.

In his heart, he was reflecting on the similarities between demonic penguins, killer whales, and well-drawn pints of stout.

"No thanks. I don't like alchahol, but a cool Barq's would be refreshing."

I'll have a pint of wiskey Neville.

*Adaine pulls the cotton wool out of his ears after the Aqua song. a pity the pengiuns had gone, it was rather dull without them* "what is this Guiness?"

Neville's reflections led him nowhere, except to note that his thoughts seemed to be in black and white. Or of black and white objects, which took him back to this Guinness trip he seemed to be on. His mother had always sworn by the stuff, using it to treat all manner of ailments, so it had fond memories for the Barlord. Tucked up in bed with a couple of tablespoons of the good stuff inside him, baby Neville had always drifted off to dreamland in no time flat ...

Speaking of dreamland, here was Hodgelett, back in the Bar and looking even better than he remembered, which for any other human would be totally impossible.

"Looks like you had a nice, sunny -- hang on, what little princess?" he demanded, his mind finally catching up with what Hodgelett had actually said, rather than the way (Sigh! The incomparably melodious way!) that she'd said it.

"What little crying princess?" he continued eagerly. Was he going to learn something about the background of his unattainable Randomean?

The hope almost over-rode all thought of the other customers. But professionalism won through. In quick succession, a Barq's, a whiskey and yet another Guinness arrived before Wade, Cybertoria and Adaine. And one for himself, while he was at it.

He had a feeling that before long he was going to need its medicinal qualities.

The Door opened and In strolled PRINCE Esheram Byron.
Byron smiled on seeing the regular faces about the bar. It had become something of a second home to him over the months attending the UN. The Ex Lord took a seat beside the motley crew. So guinness is the tipple of the times eh? Ill have a pint Neville and a whiskey chaser. So what have i Missed whilst attending my fathers funeral and my coronation as Prince of the consul of the Templar.

"Hey, Byron!" called BFFG! "It's been a while!" The fat man strolled over to him and was about the pat him on the back, when suddenly he froze. "What's this? Capital letters?" BFFG quickly reread Byron's post. "PRINCE Byron? Who'd you have to assasinate to get that done?" :D

(still doing karyoke) My next song is another one from AQUA.

"I've been around the world - Hey, hey
I've been around the world - Hey, hey

In the kitchen where I'm cooking what is good for me
Spices from the globe
Little by little it's the finest meal
It's appetite for hope - come and see

You mix it all together in your dreams
Ingredients from the seven Seas and
I'm realizing things ain't what they seem
That's the riddle of it
That's the spirit of it
That's the power of life

I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall
I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I want you to see (Seen it all)
I've been the only girl (Round the world)
All surrounded by mystery

In the living room I'm cleaning up from top to floor
The place I love the most
The wall is covered up with all my souvenirs
I've got from coast to coast - come and see

You mix it all together in your dreams
Ingredients from the seven Seas and
I'm realizing things ain't what they seem
That's the riddle of it
That's the spirit of it
That's the power of life

I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall
I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I want you to see (Seen it all)
I've been the only girl (Round the world)
All surrounded by mystery

I'm still coming around
I keep chasing dreams
Girl, I keep coming around - Hey, Hey
I keep coming around
And I can never stop
Girl, I keep coming around
Cause if I do I'll walk
Around around - around the world

I've been around the world (Round the world)
Hey hey (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
All surrounded by mystery
I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall"

Sighing, Neville found himself slowly being subverted by a stealthy catchphrase...

"Guinness stout is good for you," it whispered in his ear.
"Guinness stout is bread and dew," it breathed in his nostrils.
"Guinness stout is..."

"Irish stew!"

"What???!!" blurted Neville, yelling into the face of a rather shocked Big Fat Friendly Guy. "What did you say?"

The BFFG mopped his face with his sleeve, muttering, "What does a man have to do to get a meal in this place?"

Varia Yefremova was sitting at one end of the bar, newspaper and a rare pint in front of her. It was, she considered, unfortunate that a state of nervous tension had a tendency to empty a glass of its contents with undue haste. Hence the pint: she gave herself a fighting chance of making a Heart of Darkness (http://www.ucs.louisiana.edu/~lst4606/ns/East_Hackney/Heart-of-Darkness-label.jpg) last long enough for her to finish the cryptic crossword. Well, she thought, glumly, 'finish' was perhaps the wrong word. 'Concede defeat' would probably turn out to be more appropriate.

One day to go. One day and then she would know if she was confirmed as the UN delegate for the Anticapitalist Alliance. She checked her pager for the umpteenth time that evening. No message. No change. Ecopoeia still leading by two votes. She gulped a mouthful of the Hackneyite brew and regarded 14 down with some resentment.

Waxed, so it can wane, 5 letters... something to do with the moon? No. Candles? Argh...

OOC: LOL, Neville!

IC:

BFFG sighed as he paused in between slurps of his Irish Stew. "I dunno," he said at last. "This whole chemical weapons thing has been getting me down. I mean, I'm all for banning it, but it's raised such a ruckus! I think I'll right my own proposal on it." Standing up, he waved at Neville. "I think I'm done here tonight. I'm gonna go dig a typewriter out of that closet they call my office. Put the drinks on my tab." Waving goodbye to the rest of the regulars, he sauntered out the bar, already trying to figure out how to spell "chemical."

Varia's antiquated pager meeped feebly. She checked the message and had to steady herself. A lead of seven! She shook her head in disbelief and returned her attention to the rumpled newspaper, its white spaces covered in speculative scrawls and resigned slashes. 16 across defiantly met her stare.

!? (6,4,1,4 letters). What? What? Oh, I don't have a clue...

Wade took a sip of his drink. "Pffft. Alchahol!" Wade ran into the bathroom and began to puke. He then walked ack into the bar.

"Neville, please never give me alchahol again. I'm allergic."

Wade took a sip of his drink. "Pffft. Alchahol!" Wade ran into the bathroom and began to puke. He then walked ack into the bar.

"Neville, please never give me alchahol again. I'm allergic."
Byron ran over and picked up wades glass, threw the contents into his mouth and as quick spat it out. My god Neville! what the hell has happened to the Quality control? You've purchased the cheap and nasty Alchahol rather than the proper Alcohol. What next? Malk instead of Milk? Cuffee instead Coffee!?
The rank liquid tasted metalic in his mouth. A Guinness pronto!
He turned to BFFG and answered his question smiling. My Dad! :D

OOC. Have you recently attained shares in Diageo Ardchoille? ;)

A short, graying woman smashed through the door, causing it to shudder violently as it stopped before swinging back into place. She leaned up to the bar and loudly called to poor Neville, "BARKEEP! ANOTHER ROUND FOR ALL! AND PUT IT ON MY PREDECESSOR'S TAB!"
Caroline Trotter is an aging woman, who's body type is round enough for polite society not to comment about. She is arrogant, loud, generous with other's money and tighter than... well, she doesn't like spending her own much. Her clothes are reserved, and just new enough to be unfashionable, as opposed to traditional or classic.
She then ordered several drinks in quick succession, each more tropical than the last, and proceeded to talk about her political victories to anyone dim enough to grab a nearby stool.

*Adaine sniffs his Guiness and downs it. He steals drink from old woman*

"thank you fat lady"

'Noooooooo !!!!!
They want my beautiful Chemical weapons !
What did my weapons ever do on anyone?'
Sir Boots too depresed to even notice the whitewash covering he has just recieved trots dejectedly over to the bar.
'A pint of the Barman's choice please'
'Life's tough at the top' he signs as he takes his seat.

BFFG sauntered into the bar, grinning. "Ha!" he said, laughing at Sir Boots. Sitting down next to him, he motioned the bartender for a drink. "Well, my TG campaign against the chemical weapons ban is going good," he told his companion. "Several of the delegates have changed their mind. We're still 2000 votes behind, but eh, I tried." The bartender set a drink down in front of him and he sipped on it. After a moment, BFFG sighed. "No one seems to care about my alternative proposal, however."

And what is that proposal might I ask?

"You hadn't heard? Oh, I am sorry, you must have wondered where I got to. Well there's a new little princess in the Randomean Royal family, something like 15th in line to the throne, but it's traditional for every Randomean to have a 'Second mother', the third being their -in-laws after marriage, and Royals always have a 'poli-mum' that is, she's in politics. And for little Margritte they chose me. So I accompanied my princess and family to their summer villa. Simple as that. So in a way, I'm a mum." She smiled to herself.

And what is that proposal might I ask?

This one, the one I've been touting in virtually every thread I've posted in, including this one. :D

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=425237

Randomea -- "So in a way, I'm a mum."
"Aaaawwww!" said Neville and Violet, in chorus. "Have you got any pictures?"

Babies (provided they weren't actually present in the Bar, competing for the staff's attention) were always a welcome distraction. Standoffish customers would suddenly become approachable when a baby picture was used as a pretext.

Besides, senior diplomats often made such encounters into snap quizzes for their juniors. It was amusing to see obtuse trainees struggling to display polite enthusiasm about some anonymous blob that might, someday, resemble a human.

And the skill of the experts -- well, watching that was awesome. Some of the more talented (including more than a few who wouldn't know what end of a baby was up) mustered a truly convincing admiration that would have warmed a mother's heart.

Indeed, for a while the Bar had kept a line-up of baby pics thumbtacked along the edge of the shelf behind the counter. But Neville had had to put a stop to that practice.

Too many hungry gentlebeings had become noisily upset when they discovered that the display was not, in fact, a menu.

Varia's bid to ward off inebriation had failed. The Heart of Darkness (http://www.ucs.louisiana.edu/~lst4606/ns/East_Hackney/Heart-of-Darkness-label.jpg) was a potent brew and, despite exercising extreme caution, she had fallen victim to its wicked spell. Mere hours away from confirmation of her new duties as delegate for a region of over two hundred nations, faced with the daunting proposition of defending Ecopoeia's proposal in front of the UN body and afflicted with an unforgiving alcohol-fuelled melancholy, she was in no condition to cope with conversation turning to maternal matters.

Varia was two years old when mother died in the 1968 revolution. A single tear fell on six across, the paper turning slightly translucent.

Evil employments create stuffy cavities (7)

OOC: By the way, feel free to solve these clues if you're able!

*has one of his lackeys pass out lollypops to everyone in the bar*

"Don't worry, they're flavored appropriately. It's just me being a little... Demonic."

Stepahnie Fulton entered the Bar, then stood in silence as she watched herself over in the corner suddenly phase out of existence.

"Bloody discombobulation acting up again," she muttered as she approached Neville. She then stopped, and spoke.

"Varia? Is that you? Haven't seen you for a while! How's things in Ecopoeia? You look a bit out-of-sorts.
"Neville! Get Varia an Ennish Shandy!"

"Stephanie! I thought you were over there... oh, God, please, no more booze. Bad idea. I need to sober up - Ecopoeia's election rivals have just conceded, so I'm, um, the new ACA delegate. Bloody voters, what were they thinking?"

"Well, congratulations! Okay, no alcohol. But still, I have to get you something to cheer you up. What do you reckon will work?"

An alternative to Chemical Weapons
I like it
Vote for it
That's an order
Oh right... not in my home nation.
Eh..please vote for it.

"An alternative to BAN chemcal weapons. :D It lets you keep as much chemical weapons as you want for defense against rogue nations, but makes it illegal for any UN nation to use them against another UN nation." BFFG sighed. "It's a moot point, though. There's no way, we'll defeast the current at vote proposal in 24 hours. Too many nations have voted for it."

For the Record our delegation has voted against the current chemical weopen ban proposed by the NSUN. Not because we are against it. Simply because we are sick voting Yes to fluffy proposals.
Byron Put a reassuring arm around Varia. When the King of the Realm selected me to represent the Realm to the UN i nearly crapped myself but it gets so much easier over time. You have friends here Varia. I suggest you lean on them when you need to.
He turned to Neville and ordered a round of drinks for the Members in the Bar and a strong coffee for the newest meekest UN Delegate.

This one, the one I've been touting in virtually every thread I've posted in, including this one. :D

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=425237

It is an interesting proposal.

"We just went to our first war as an official country!" said Wade as he put down his cell phone. "Anyone willing to give our troops a lift to the battle? If the space craft is damaged, we'll pay for a new one. And we'll make sure no one knows it's you, so you don't get dragged in."

Anybody wana join me in a drinking contest?

I would but I dont drink

Dose anybody?

Dose anybody?
Ill take you on. ive been sober for a week! byron guffawed as he approached.
Lay down the rules and lets git it on!

Caroline stumbled over to BFFG and loudly questioned, "Why, instead of banning all these things, don't we just make a no first strike... ummm... yeah. Basically, no UN nation may fire first strike on any other UN nation... or I think that's what the memo said..." she wandered away, lost in her contemplations of her political tact and skill.

"Never mind on the transport!" Wade yelled before falling asleep on the floor.

Ill take you on. ive been sober for a week! byron guffawed as he approached.
Lay down the rules and lets git it on!


Rulse are simple keep drinking till one of us passes out!

Takes first shot.

Rulse are simple keep drinking till one of us passes out!

Takes first shot.
takes a shot, washed down by a whiskey followed by a Pint of guinness washed down by another shot. Burp!

Varia gratefully accepted the coffee from the Venerable Libertarian. She was about to suggest that she, Stephanie and the Prince retreat to a quiet booth when the gallant Hibernian declaimed his acceptance of the Cybertorian challenge. She looked at Stephanie, eyebrow arched.

"This can only end in a mess, hmm?"

takes a shot, washed down by a whiskey followed by a Pint of guinness washed down by another shot. Burp!

Jeremy of Cybertoria counters by drinking 2 pints of Moonshine.

Varia gratefully accepted the coffee from the Venerable Libertarian. She was about to suggest that she, Stephanie and the Prince retreat to a quiet booth when the gallant Hibernian declaimed his acceptance of the Cybertorian challenge. She looked at Stephanie, eyebrow arched.

"This can only end in a mess, hmm?"
"Oh, this'll be nothing. I remember what Hannah and I used to get up to around here. Pity she can't do things like that now, what with the election coming up. But let's just get out of the way for the time being."

Jeremy of Cybertoria counters by drinking 2 pints of Moonshine.
Moon shhhhine ? thats a wussies drink decried Byron at the now equally drunk Jeremy. He staggered to the bar and asked Neville to produce the Bottle of Poitin from the cleaning cupboard and 2 shot glasses. This will sort the men from the boys he thought with a smile.
He sat opposite Jeremy and poured, Filling the shot glasses with the clear innofensive yet lethal liquid. Bottoms up old boy! hes said, First to go blind is the loser!

Neville handed the bar over to Violet and huddled on a barstool with the huge Book of the Barlords on his knee. Hastily he thumbed through -- was there anything about Responsible Service of Alcohol? The Bar's licence was at stake ... ah, here: "It is the Responsiblity of the Barlord that he offer Due Succour unto those for whom he serveth Alcohol and her Sisters."

And now for the commentary: Scholars take this to mean that the Barlord must in all cases provide adequate bedding, pillows, etc; that he must make available such hangover cures are within his knowledge; and that, should a customer have passed out in a place where he may cause inconvenience, he be removed to a site where no further harm will come to him, with a large bucket close to hand.

So far, so good. Ahh, here we are: "In the aftermath of the case Rimbaud vs Finnegan's Wake Hostelry (proceedings of the High Court of Ardchoille, Ardrigh, 1807), Barlords are advised that they must in no circumstances interfere with the right of a consenting adult being to drink itself into any state whatsoever, up to and including extinction."

Phew. Pausing only to log a "standby" with the gallant and dedicated band of Diplomatic Corps Chauffeurs, Neville returned to the fray.

"Anyone for absinthe?" he enquired.

Moon shhhhine ? thats a wussies drink decried Byron at the now equally drunk Jeremy. He staggered to the bar and asked Neville to produce the Bottle of Poitin from the cleaning cupboard and 2 shot glasses. This will sort the men from the boys he thought with a smile.
He sat opposite Jeremy and poured, Filling the shot glasses with the clear innofensive yet lethal liquid. Bottoms up old boy! hes said, First to go blind is the loser!

Jeremy takes the shot, feeling slightly woozy for a moment, he quickly recovers, then counters by drinking 3 pints of Jack Daniels!

5th Degree Otaku #xxxxxx wandered into the bar, followed by the Happiness Police officer that seemed to accompany him everywhere he went in the UN complex. They made an interesting-looking couple, to say the least--the tired-looking middle-aged priest in his bright blue, ornate robes of office and the sprightly young woman in her official "sailor suit" uniform, complete with small ceremonial wooden mallet. The otaku walked slowly over to the bartender, and sighed. Tell me, O Cute One, what did I do to get stuck in this assignment? he prayed silently.

Keeping his thoughts to himself, though, the otaku said, "Iced coffee, if you please my kind sir." He glanced over at the drinking contest that seemed underway a few barstools down, and shook his head, his brow furrowed. "And a lemonade for my 'guardian angel' here," he added, gesturing at his companion.

Jeremy takes the shot, feeling slightly woozy for a moment, he quickly recovers, then counters by drinking 3 pints of Jack Daniels!
Quickly downing three shots of the lethal stuff byron felt his dinner shift upwards from deep in his stomach and some desparate swallowing followed. slumped in th chair facing Jeremy and pausing for several seconds he finally righted him self and reached to the table which now had 4 pint glasses filled to the brim with blue labled vodka. One by one he slowly swallowed their contents. After turning the last empty glass over on to the table he moved closer to his opponent and said rather sheepishly " now for the piase de resistince, and extra points, a yard of ale competition."
He beconed to The young and Beautiful Violet bracket to bring the glasses full of ale and she did her duty reluctantly, shouting to the two compadres that they were going to kill themselves before running to the toilets crying.
Byron looking more than surprised by her outburst, turned and grinned at jeremy. "Was it shometin i shaid" he asked with a smile before beginning to consume the whole yard of ale.

*Adaine looks at the drinking competion with disgust*

Waiting for his competitor to straighten up and get the yard of ale into him Byron started singing.......

When my love said to me
Meet me down by the gallows tree
For it's sad news I bring
About this old town and all that it's offering
Some say troubles abound
Some day soon they're gonna pull the old town down
One day we'll return here,
When the Belfast Child sings again

Brothers sisters where are you now
As I look for you right through the crowd
All my life here I've spent
With my faith in God the Church and the Government
But there's sadness abound
Some day soon they're gonna pull the old town down

One day we'll return here,
When the Belfast Child sings again
When the Belfast Child sings again

So come back Billy, won't you come on home
Come back Mary, you've been away so long
The streets are empty, and your mother's gone
The girls are crying, it's been oh so long
And your father's calling, come on home
Won't you come on home, won't you come on home

come back people, you've been gone a while
And the war is raging, in the Emerald Isle
That's flesh and blood man, that's flesh and blood
All the girls are crying but all's not lost

The streets are empty, the streets are cold
Won't you come on home, won't you come on home

The streets are empty
Life goes on

One day we'll return here
When the Belfast Child sings again
When the Belfast Child sings again

With his sole member of staff sobbing in the toilet, new customers demanding service, old customers being grossed out and even older customers doing the grossing, Neville took a deep breath.

"One day at a time," he told himself. "Also, baby steps. Also, Do Your Best. Also ... ah, the hell with it."

There was a time for uplifting slogans and a time to slosh grog.

At lightning speed Neville supplied all patrons with their drinks, not forgetting the dusting of cocoa on the iced coffee and the decorative sprig of mint in the lemonade. (The shouting mob surrounding the contestants just got cans of VB flung at 'em, and damn lucky they were to get that, with Violet Bracket being hors de combat.)

"It may be disgusting, but think of it as if you were an anthropologist," he adjured Adaine. "Male bonding rites, and all that ... doesn't it seem more interesting, now?"

Through the louvres above the toilet door, he shouted to Violet, "I slipped 'em both a Mickey Finn. They'll pass out long before they pass on. It's just a question of which one collapses first. And in the morning," he added cunningly, "there'll be a fevered brow needs stroking."

Which left Stephanie and Varia, who seemed to have snared the wandering Caroline, while at the bar were the odd pair in the unusual attire and the recumbent Wade. Well, he'd leave the penguin until the others crumpled, too, and wheel them out together. He was sure Steph would keep her table entertained -- he topped up the Ennish shandies to make sure -- so that left just the newcomers.

"So," he said chattily, "How are things at the Eternal Kawai? Everything cute?"

He also sneakily replaced glass with plastic where he could do so unnoticed, and checked that the little alien delegate who lived in the rafters was safe. Not that melancholy Irish songs always meant a brawl, but why take chances?

Edward Jones leaned back in his chair, looking suspiciously relaxed with his eyes closed and mouth open, hoping to catch a quick nap while the others were busy with other things.

Stephanie turned back to Varia.

"Well, okay, so perhaps they did go further than Hannah or me. But then again, we would start singing in Old Ennial, which made people think we were drunker than we were. So we usually won that way. But anyway, this looks like it's clearing up. You feeling better now? The new-delegate blues clearing?"

The otaku accepted his coffee gratefully from Neville, muttering a quiet grace and saying, "Thank you and bless you for this drink, my host." He took a sip and relaxed visibly. Smiling weakly, he replied to the barkeep's inquiry, "All is cute indeed. Though I must say, we've been off to a rough start here. I suppose all new UN states go through this, but I was taken aback at the reaction to our first vote on the floor. You know, the thing about the dolphins." Little more needed to be said; the fisticuffs over that contentious vote were still being sorted out.

He leaned forward a bit and added, more quietly and earnestly, "Tell me...as one man to another here...you've no doubt seen your fair share of delegations pass through. Do you think it's unreasonable to base one's vote upon divine revelation?"

The young lady watched the ongoing drinking contest with growing dismay, and half-whispered to the priest at the bar, "umm, sir...are you sure we should even be here?"

Hello fellow comrads. Dookie.

"well the girl from kawaii and I are not amused. I thought this establishment put a stop to such things."

Neville replied to the delegate from Eternal Kawaii, "They say that in vino veritas, and I suppose, in divina divinitas. Truth and divinity are not always one and the same, but a good stout never lies."

Seeing the Grand Duke of Roathin approach, he nodded (where a less exalted barkeep would have bowed) and mixed a Plutonium Doom for Lord Brythain. The electric-blue worms of light crawled up from the base of the crystal goblet, casting a peculiar Cherenkov glow over half-daemonic Brythain's black surgical gauntlet.

"Ah, Neville," said the duke, "Not being human, We were having some difficulties. Could you explain to Us why humans fear psionic chirurgerie in Our efforts to help them breed better-behaved bairns?"

Neville sighed inwardly and adopted the stance of the confessional professional. Sometimes, even the ungodly needed a priest.

The otaku ruminated on those words of wisdom, and shrugged. He surmised that "stout" was one of the numerous alcoholic drinks the patrons here seemed intent on destroying their brains with. Unfortunately, now was neither the time nor place for a Drunken Master ritual to test the truth of the barkeep's answer; besides which, there weren't enough otaku in the Eternal Kawaii's UN nunciate to form a decent quorum for one.

He turned and saw the nobleman addressing the host, and listened with interest to his complaint. Nodding respectfully to the Grand Duke, he said, "Greetings, sir. I take it you're having problems understanding child-rearing customs around here. I can commiserate; I've just been from a rather bruising debate over the rights and responsibilities of parents. I'm not sure what this 'cheeroogery' you speak of is about" he added, mangling the word horribly, "perhaps you could enlight us?"

Lord Brythain greeted the otaku with evident relief. He hadn't really looked forward to speaking with Neville - who, while old and wise beyond his years, was too much like a priest for his liking.

"O eternally charming one, this is my problem," he began. "Of old, We of Roathin looked deep into the minds of children, found knots of mental dysfunction and bad cheer, and removed many encumbrances. Our colleagues of the Colleges of the Mind did likewise. And Our people of the Land grew wise and strong.

"Then, We took it upon Ourself to bring Our Land into the world of the Nation-SUN. From that moment, contrary notions of rebellion and democracy infested our heretofore supernaturally guided citizenry, and diverse argu(e)ments as to derivation, spelling, philosophy, sentience and dolphinhood likewise.

"Now, the parents shield their offspring from divination and the healing powers of the Colleges of the Mind. They even refuse Our gift of Prozac, which We understand is one equivalent from beyond the horizons of our Land. Why is this so?"

=====

He looks somewhat ashamed at his sudden outpouring. Taciturn by nature, he is in fact extremely embarrassed at inflicting all this upon the otaku. He hides it well. The training of nobility helps. That, and a good stage coach.

VB eh! Ill try that one.
Byron cracked open the can and glugged the contents down. He sat and smiled and then fell fast asleep with a contented grin on his face.

i am preparing for war, i might drown my worries in a screwdriver, alot of vodka please :sniper:

The otaku looked at Lord Brythain, mulling over the nobleman's words. If anything, they were even more cryptic than the bartender's. Finally he said, "Well. I can see why people would be reluctant. In my country, we tend to leave children to be children...though lately even we've had to employ consellors to help them cope with this strange new world our land's been thrown into. I don't know what this 'Prozac' you mention is about, but if it affects the mind it's probably not a good thing.

"I would say you are better off searching for knots of dysfunction among the adults. Cure that, and the children will grow naturally."

Stephanie turned back to Varia.

"Well, okay, so perhaps they did go further than Hannah or me. But then again, we would start singing in Old Ennial, which made people think we were drunker than we were. So we usually won that way. But anyway, this looks like it's clearing up. You feeling better now? The new-delegate blues clearing?"
"Yeah, thanks. Now I think about it, I should be able to palm off a lot of the duties onto the department for International Relations. They won't thank me, of course. Mathieu's been keeping up with the proposal sweeps - omigod what's Byron drinking now? - sorry, and we've both been working on the naysayers for the proposal.* Speaking of which..."

Varia had caught sight of the otaku.

"Um, that fella's pretty upset with it. Looks like we could stop them from locking people up for wearing inappropriately coloured attire. Something like that, anyway. Ach, maybe I'm being an appalling cultural imperialist. Perhaps I should invite him over and try to, ah, smooth out our differences, hmm?"

*OOC: Ah, the delights of time distortion. All of this and she never left the bar? Ahem, cough, harrumph, etc.

**OOC: Apologies if that's the wrong term.

Stephanie nodded, then went over to the otaku.

"Hello, there, I don't believe we've met. My name's Stephanie Fulton, representing the Triumvirate of Enn. Would you like to join us?"

OOC: Don't worry about the whole time-distrotion thing. I've left Stephanie standing in the Bar for days-on-end without realising it, only to suddenyl rejoin the land of the living.

Quickly downing three shots of the lethal stuff byron felt his dinner shift upwards from deep in his stomach and some desparate swallowing followed. slumped in th chair facing Jeremy and pausing for several seconds he finally righted him self and reached to the table which now had 4 pint glasses filled to the brim with blue labled vodka. One by one he slowly swallowed their contents. After turning the last empty glass over on to the table he moved closer to his opponent and said rather sheepishly " now for the piase de resistince, and extra points, a yard of ale competition."
He beconed to The young and Beautiful Violet bracket to bring the glasses full of ale and she did her duty reluctantly, shouting to the two compadres that they were going to kill themselves before running to the toilets crying.
Byron looking more than surprised by her outburst, turned and grinned at jeremy. "Was it shometin i shaid" he asked with a smile before beginning to consume the whole yard of ale.

Jeremy tries to counter with 2 pints of Vodka, but passes out so hard that he brakes the table his face lands on!

Caroline looks at her watch and loudly curses. Standing, she stumbles out of the bar muttering about meetings.