NationStates Jolt Archive

Dr. Hodz appeared very relieved at the departure of the reptilians.

Nigel watched as the reptiles left the bar. "Barkeep bourbon, top shelf, on the rocks." Nigel slid up to the bar, and when the drink was placed in front of him, he sat looking at the liquid in the tumbler, trying to forget the images in front of him. Trying to forget the power plant in is home state that right now was dangerously close to a meltdown. Trying not to think about the half a million out of house and home right now.

"Jimmy, a round of drinks for everyone in the bar on me." said Richard to the bartender. It's International Have a Free Drink courtesy of the UN Ambassador from Cookesland Day ."

"Jimmy, a round of drinks for everyone in the bar on me." said Richard to the bartender. It's International Have a Free Drink courtesy of the UN Ambassador from Cookesland Day ."

Nigel lifts his head from his misery, free drink! He indicates to Richard to pour another bourbon. He nod's his appreciation to the ambassador from Cookesland.

John grinned at the mention of free drinks and started playing a blues song on his electric guitar, and said "I thought that I'd play some blues so that everybody could calm down from the "reptile" incident...

the doors flung open as a young 6 foot tall brown haired man walked into the bar "i'd like a beer please" he said. the bartender filled him up a drink. he took it "thanks" he said, flipping him a credit

John glared at the Cazelian and said "Hey, wasn't your country the one that had 7 division's wiped out by the Red Star merc's superior tactics?" He laughed hoping inwardly to make him mad..

One of Yuru's interns walked into the bar. His name was Aran. He did not look like he was of Asian descent. He was of the English minority. instead of black his hair was strawberry blonde. Well dressed in his favorite suit, he walked towards the bar and spoke to the bartender, " A dried martini. Shaken not stirred." Oh God, he loved that movie! Bond films were quite popular in his country. Though the preferance was usualy movies on a grander scale. Lord of the Rings, the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Saving Private Ryan, Pirates of the Caribbean, those sort of movies. Trying to appear suave and casual, Aran scaned the bar. Searching hopefuly for a date this evening.

"Quite a bar you people have here," remarked Roger Outhwaite to the barkeep. "A gimlet, if you would."

John glared at the Cazelian and said "Hey, wasn't your country the one that had 7 division's wiped out by the Red Star merc's superior tactics?" He laughed hoping inwardly to make him mad..

Please John didn't we have enough drama with the lizards?

John's faced darkened and walked to the far back and said "Well, I am hoping that he'll head off, every Cazelian I've known that's tried drama's died, look at Hasley for example, he tried drama, and he ended up with brains of the floor. I can't stand Cazelian's for one, and if those war crimes the Londinians comitted are true, I'll do nothing to stop them. My government will turn a blind eye to that, we will not host those indecent people within Calizorinstan, by "those indecent people", I mean the Cazelians..." He smoked a pipe in the room glaring at the Cazelian...

John's faced darkened and walked to the far back and said "Well, I am hoping that he'll head off, every Cazelian I've known that's tried drama's died, look at Hasley for example, he tried drama, and he ended up with brains of the floor. I can't stand Cazelian's for one, and if those war crimes the Londinians comitted are true, I'll do nothing to stop them. My government will turn a blind eye to that, we will not host those indecent people within Calizorinstan, by "those indecent people", I mean the Cazelians..." He smoked a pipe in the room glaring at the Cazelian...

Fair enough.

Nigel turned to his bourbon. Wondering if he was ever going to have a decent quiet drink again in his life.

Ailyn stepped into the bar, for once without her bodyguard, having given him the night off. She'd hoped to escape the insanity of the floor vote, only to find...well, this.

"What the...?" Ailyn shook her head and marched to the bar.

Hailing the bartender, she yelled above the din, "Give me the strongest drink you know how to make!"

She dropped herself onto a stool at the bar and took a deep breath. Yeah, it was going to be a long night of heavy drinking...

Aran saw the representative of New Vandalia sitting with a few empty glasses in front of her. He walked over and said, "Hello, I'm Aran of the Yellow Sea Islands.:) And you are?..."

*The doors burst open and a flamboyantly dressed man comes in*

Greetings fellow delegates, just popping in to say hello and extend my countries gratitude in accepting us to the greatest of United Nations. May you all have drinks from the many taxes than my government has collected from our most generous citizens.

Fair enough.

Nigel turned to his bourbon. Wondering if he was ever going to have a decent quiet drink again in his life.

Roger approached Nigel, "Not to disturb your solitude, but what is the deal with animosity towards that Cazelian fellow?" He then signals the barkeep for another gimlet, seeing as this one is free...

Akia reassures Hodz that the restoration pills and any other medicinal supplies she may carry are standard fare in her country that most everyone carries as a matter of course. "I believe the most common comparison would be that of a 'first aid kit'," she explains. "It isn't required that people carry these things around, but they're so convenient and useful that we just do. There are no medical mandates, or what you would call 'prescriptions', involved. I don't think there should be any issue. If there is, however, I can keep them to myself. I just don't like to."

...

Her act of devotion completed, the Nuncia returned to Shelob, the young girl far less nervous now. "Thank you again," she replied. "That was most gracious of you."In the rush to the bar for the proffered free drinks, one of the erstwhile delegates bumps into Shelob, tipping her careful balance on the stool. Falling forward onto her legs, the surprised arachnid accidently brushes against the Nuncia. Shelob was aghast; she had been fastidious in her refusal to touch not-food while at the UN.

Recovering her balance, she turns and hisses at the foolish person, "Foolssz! Mannerssz needssz, yessz. Bitessz you I me shouldssz."

Facing the Nuncia, Shelob's face shone with the shame that dishonoring such a one would cause.

"Forgivessz us young tsszkl. I me meanssz no harm... to youssz. With luckssz will I me you meetssz again."

With surprising grace, Shelob leaped onto the bar. Jimmy stopped filling the drinks orders so as to properly have a heart attack or at least a failure of hygiene. "The onessz called Violetssz, yessz. Please youssz give her thankssz from I me," Shelob clicked out with effort. Then like a searchlight, her middle eyes landed on the one known as Dr. Hodz. Barely succeeding in the effort to keep blood-lust out of her voice, she uttered one word, "tastyssz."

With ease she jumped over the heads of the patrons at the bar and disappeared out of sight in the halls of the UN building. Which should make any number of people just a little uneasy. ;)

the man walked over to the Calizorinstani and said "are you trying to provoke trouble or are you trying to make a point?" "my name is Rowan Cornellius, i've fought in 3 wars, lost many friends and my family in the Orlock nerve gas attacks, so please dont call me indecent sir" he then looked him face and said "i'm related to former President Hasley, so you inult my cousin and i'll smash your face in"

the man walked over to the Calizorinstani and said "are you trying to provoke trouble or are you trying to make a point?" "my name is Rowan Cornellius, i've fought in 3 wars, lost many friends and my family in the Orlock nerve gas attacks, so please dont call me indecent sir" he then looked him face and said "i'm related to former President Hasley, so you inult my cousin and i'll smash your face in"

Richard sighed, "if it's not one thing it's another...what are you two getting so flustered about?"

Richard sighed, "if it's not one thing it's another...what are you two getting so flustered about?"

Rowan looked over at the other delegate "this man is trying to start a fuss, first he insults my country's military, which i served in for 12 years and then he calls my dead cousin a drama queen. the reason he caused a fuss at the talks was because the drunk Londinian was making threats, aimed at Calizorinstan" he said, turning back to the Calizorinstani "note, he stood up for your country and died for his nation" he looked down "and the Londinians never honored the agreement"

Roger approached Nigel, "Not to disturb your solitude, but what is the deal with animosity towards that Cazelian fellow?" He then signals the barkeep for another gimlet, seeing as this one is free...

There's a cry of war crimes which until recently went unfounded, then when they went to be founded it turns out they really aren't against any of our laws. So we can't help anyway.

Dr. Hodz smiled. He knew that his favorite company was over in Cazelia fixing everything. But that didn't matter.

"Hey, isn't this supposed to be the United Nations Stranger's Bar? Someone get me a drink."

Rowan looked over at the other delegate "this man is trying to start a fuss, first he insults my country's military, which i served in for 12 years and then he calls my dead cousin a drama queen. the reason he caused a fuss at the talks was because the drunk Londinian was making threats, aimed at Calizorinstan" he said, turning back to the Calizorinstani "note, he stood up for your country and died for his nation" he looked down "and the Londinians never honored the agreement"

John growled and said "You liar!, the Londinian's were only threatening my nation, because the President at the Time, John Slovick, was an anti BL, pro Cazelian scumbag!, your military must not be much of a military to be beaten by merc'!, he stood up for my country, yeah, so what?, they have good reason not to honor the agreement. I just got back from British Londinium in fact, they're the nicest people that could be, you lie!" He was up on his feet now, his eyes glowing an omninous shade of red, he seethed and said "How dare you insult our ally British Londinum!"

"Hey, isn't this supposed to be the United Nations Stranger's Bar? Someone get me a drink."

"Barlord, a round of whatever the man'll have". Nigel said, indicating Dr Hodz, "Our countries have reached an accord and I believe that is something worth toasting to."

John growled and said "You liar!, the Londinian's were only threatening my nation, because the President at the Time, John Slovick, was an anti BL, pro Cazelian scumbag!, your military must not be much of a military to be beaten by merc'!, he stood up for my country, yeah, so what?, they have good reason not to honor the agreement. I just got back from British Londinium in fact, they're the nicest people that could be, you lie!" He was up on his feet now, his eyes glowing an omninous shade of red, he seethed and said "How dare you insult our ally British Londinum!"

Dr. Hodz walked over to where the two delegates were arguing. He pulled out his phaser.

"Is there a problem here? How about you both calm down before I call the Maintenance of Order Department."

"Barlord, a round of whatever the man'll have". Nigel said, indicating Dr Hodz, "Our countries have reached an accord and I believe that is something worth toasting to."

"That's two bourbons, then."

Dr. Hodz walked over to where the two delegates were arguing. He pulled out his phaser.

"Is there a problem here? How about you both calm down before I call the Maintenance of Order Department."

"Excuse me." Aran said to the representative of New Vandalia. He walked up to the representative of Akimonad. "I think YOU had better calm down before I call the Maintenence of Order Department." He said in a stern tone. "You are hardly in a position to demand that they calm themselves. You pointing your gun at them isn't going to calm anyone."

"Excuse me." Aran said to the representative of New Vandalia. He walked up to the representative of Akimonad. "I think YOU had better calm down before I call the Maintenence of Order Department." He said in a stern tone. "You are hardly in a position to demand that they calm themselves. You pointing your gun at them isn't going to calm anyone."

Nigel slips beside Hodz, "Besides you need that hand to hold your bourbon" he said offering him the drink. "Let these two boys act like boys, while we all drink like men. "

John calmed down and said to Nigel "I am a man, I shall calm down, and hopefully the Cazelian will leave me alone..."

John calmed down and said to Nigel "I am a man, I shall calm down, and hopefully the Cazelian will leave me alone..."

Nigel turned his black eyes to John, "I know you are John... so what are you drinking... on the great nation of Philimbesi's tab?"

Nigel turned his black eyes to John, "I know you are John... so what are you drinking... on the great nation of Philimbesi's tab?"

John smiled and said casually "A root beer float please, I love those.."

John smiled and said casually "A root beer float please, I love those.."

"Barlord your finest Root Beer Float so we may toast the accord between the United States of Philimbesi and The Autocratic Federated Empire of Akimonad"

Aran looked at the representative of Cazelia, "Why don't you go to the bar and have a drink on me? How's that?" He returned to his seat next to the rep. of New Vandalia. "Right." He said, "So your name is?..."

In the rush to the bar for the proffered free drinks, one of the erstwhile delegates bumps into Shelob, tipping her careful balance on the stool. Falling forward onto her legs, the surprised arachnid accidently brushes against the Nuncia. Shelob was aghast; she had been fastidious in her refusal to touch not-food while at the UN.

It was a measure of just how much the Nuncia's confidence had grown that even the brushing of the giant spider's leg against her robes didn't send her into a panic, merely causing a slight, startled twitch. She bowed quickly as Shelob lept up onto the bar, and waved to the no-longer-so-monsterous-in-her-view creature, saying, "Bye, kumo-san! Do stop by again!"

Turning, she walked back towards her grandmother, who was eyeing the young Nuncia with a frankly astonished look. "Well," the old nekomusume said with a slight smirk, "I suppose now you'll be telling me 'that's how you deal with monsters'."

John uploaded to the Bar Television, a Potter Puppet Pals video, to be exact "Mysterious Ticking Noise", and started imitating Snape singing, and started laughing and rolling on the floor hicupping, and said slurred "I have found the source of the ticking noise, it's a cell phoazzzzzz!", he was clearly drunk, and he walked toward the door, thinking it was the bar, and tripped and blacked out, murmuring "Severus Snape, Snape, Dumblefrtzz!", and then finally went to sleep.....

Neville the bartender had been standing there behind the counter, glaring blindly into space when he suddenly realized that a (relatively minor) incident had just unfolded before his eyes, with the mirrored display case behind the bar exposed the entire time. "Terrible lack of oversight on my part," he muttered to himself as he shut the protective grating over the case, just in case another squabble broke out.

"Our refusal to hire security really is taking its toll on our clientele," Neville groused at Violet as she wandered past. "Any riffraff can just walk right in."

"I can trigger the fire sprinklers if you like," Violet suggested facetiously. "Should clear the place right out."

"I don't think the insurance company would like that," Neville frowned. He scoffed at the parade of newbs before him. "Goddess, these guys are boring! Someone ought to tell them flat out that their infantile squalor over the silly affairs of their puny, insignificant nations is pointless and wasted, when all nations in this world are doomed, anyway! DOOMED (http://test256.free.fr/UN%20Cards/wrath.jpg), I tells ya!"

"Not grumpy at all today, are we?" Violet chided him as she placed a drink order on a platter. "What's been eating you?"

"Oh, nothing," Neville sighed. "The bar's just not the same when Dicey and Bast aren't around to take the edge off. Or is it put the edge on? I can't remember. Speaking of Missing Persons, have you seen Mr. Faisano lately?"

"I don't think so," Violet answered him. "Why?"

"I just thought it might be a good idea to settle his tab. It's grown irregularly long of late."

Having apparently overheard the staff's dialogue, Ace and Rico's guilty gazes peered out from behind the Shrine of Manifestation, and vanished just as quickly. Neville's head suddenly jerked upward in a rather odd, robotic fashion, as though a control chip etched in his brain had just been activated (which, our readers will note, is patently ludicrous).

"On second thought," the Barlord told himself reassuringly, "Sammy and his friends are impeccably honest and trustworthy, so maybe we should hold off on resolving their account for the time-being? I am convinced the Federal Republic will amend its error in very short order. After all, I have the utmost faith in the Kennyites' innate sense of responsibility."

Violet reached up to feel her superior's forehead. "You are feeling funny today, aren't you?" she said with concern.

"That's foolishness!" Neville assured her. "Back to work!"

Were one to listen carefully, one could hear faint clicks and beeps (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12798820&postcount=6022) behind the shrine, easily missed, though they were, by boyish giggling emanating from the same source.

Neville tipped his Stetson (which he had apparently been wearing) and strode bowleggedly toward Dr. Hodz, whipping out twin bar rags and aiming them like pistols. "Reach fer the sky, pilgrim!" he crowed in a perfect John Wayne-ish drawl. "Now what'll ya have?" The manly display might have been more effective had the barlord not still been wearing his leather miniskirt.

The mischievous laughter behind the shrine grew louder. If the travel-weary Kawaiian pilgrims could hear it over the hustle-bustle of the neighboring makeshift casino, or the commotion generated by the Great Queen Spider's departure, they might have thought the Cute One was laughing at them.

She is a cruel and heartless deity (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=513898).

"Glad to see that diffused without anyone getting shot." though Richard to himself and ordered another drink.

"Excuse me." Aran said to the representative of New Vandalia. He walked up to the representative of Akimonad. "I think YOU had better calm down before I call the Maintenence of Order Department." He said in a stern tone. "You are hardly in a position to demand that they calm themselves. You pointing your gun at them isn't going to calm anyone."

"Excuse me? I don't take orders from people I despise."

Dr. Hodz walked away, glaring a glare that would still the heart of Satan.

The leader of the Mainentence of Order Department Squad, which had been unobtrusively watching the happenings of the Bar ever since they were ordered to keep an eye on the delegation from The Raptor Pack, called out to everyone in the bar, "Hey, settle down people, or else we'll take a cue from the General Assembly and start defenestrating people who can't behave. And since we're on the 13th floor, I don't imagine anyone would find the landing to be too pleasant."

He then walked up to the bar and told Neville, "Mr. Chamberlain, If you wish, we would be willing to provide security services for the bar. After all, it's not like we're doing anything else right now since the delegation we were assigned to keep an eye on has left."

The Imperial Delegate to the United Nations, Ambassador Ivanin Vitaly walked into the United Nations Strangers' Bar. He sat in a booth and ordered a glass of Vodka. He had not participated in any of the days debates, as his nation was not yet a member of the United Nations. The Empire of Cyrellia would not be an official member of the United Nations for at least another week. But His Imperial Excellency, Emperor Romanov, had made it clear he wanted a delegate in the UN building ready to immediatly jump in and press forth the agenda of the empire. And here he was.

John calmed down and said to Nigel "I am a man, I shall calm down, and hopefully the Cazelian will leave me alone..."

"leave you alone!?" he said, angrily stunned "you insulted my family and my country just to piss me off!" "i did nothing to you, and you still insult me, you typical Calizorinstani racist!" he yelled "so please stop being a bully and leave me and my country alone" "and the only reason i oppose British Londinium is because my sister was killed in the nerve gas attacks!"

Ambassador Vitaly looked up when his quiet drinking session was interrupted by a loud argument across the room.

"What the hell?" he thought about getting up to see what the problem was but decided against it. He would much rather enjoy his down time drinking a cold glass of Vodka than getting involved in something that was none of his business.

IX turned to Wolfgang. "There suddenly seems to be an inordinate number of nations beginning with the letter 'c'."

Wolfgang nodded lazily and took a sip of his nonalcoholic beverage. "Eyup."

The Wolf Guardians;12867990']IX turned to Wolfgang. "There suddenly seems to be an inordinate number of nations beginning with the letter 'c'."

Wolfgang nodded lazily and took a sip of his nonalcoholic beverage. "Eyup."

And ending in the letter a.

"leave you alone!?" he said, angrily stunned "you insulted my family and my country just to piss me off!" "i did nothing to you, and you still insult me, you typical Calizorinstani racist!" he yelled "so please stop being a bully and leave me and my country alone" "and the only reason i oppose British Londinium is because my sister was killed in the nerve gas attacks!"

John got up rather angrily and said "Look buddy, I am about to call you a typical Cazelian racist, you Cazelians are always looking for a fight, we'll you've got one!, in fact a Cazelian terrorist attempted to kill my president at a ball, I don't want to fight you, I just want you to stop verbally attacking me.." He spat and walked off to the bar and ignored the Cazelian for the rest of the evening he would...

Nigel backed up, he realized that trying to stop this was pretty much futile.

And ending in the letter a.

"But few that go for the triple-consonant beginning..."

The Wolf Guardians;12867990']IX turned to Wolfgang. "There suddenly seems to be an inordinate number of nations beginning with the letter 'c'."

Wolfgang nodded lazily and took a sip of his nonalcoholic beverage. "Eyup."

today's Happy Hour is brought to by the letter "C"....

today's Happy Hour is brought to by the letter "C"....

Perhaps, more accurately, "bought" by the letter C...

John got up rather angrily and said "Look buddy, I am about to call you a typical Cazelian racist, you Cazelians are always looking for a fight, we'll you've got one!, in fact a Cazelian terrorist attempted to kill my president at a ball, I don't want to fight you, I just want you to stop verbally attacking me.." He spat and walked off to the bar and ignored the Cazelian for the rest of the evening he would...

This time Dr. Hodz walked over, quite casual.

He addressed them as though they were preschoolers.

"Do you two need to be separated? Some of us are trying to have a good time."

Wolfgang listened to the phonetic silliness. "I suppose the Commonwealth isn't helping."

This time Dr. Hodz walked over, quite casual.

He addressed them as though they were preschoolers.

"Do you two need to be separated? Some of us are trying to have a good time."

"i think thats a good idea" said Rowan

John said to Dr.Hodz "I am sorry for fighting, I believe that Rowan and I can co exist, I promise, you bring him back, and I won't fight with him again..."

John said to Dr.Hodz "I am sorry for fighting, I believe that Rowan and I can co exist, I promise, you bring him back, and I won't fight with him again..."

Rowan chuckled "co-exist?" he laughed harder "i'm sorry, i just found it funny, like us being 2 animals co existing, but i get the point and yes we can co exist" Rowan handed the man 2 imperial credits "a beer and a float for me and my pal here"

John laughed and said "That's what I thought two, I think we've calmed down Dr.Hodz, now everyone can drink in peace..."

John laughed and said "That's what I thought two, I think we've calmed down Dr.Hodz, now everyone can drink in peace..."

"i'll drink to that!" exclaimed Rowan, before taking a sip of his beer "so, whats it like in your country?"

Official Imperial Announcement

To all UN Delegates:

The Cyrellian Empire is officially announcing its entrance into the United Nations. We already have a delegate in the United Nations building. Minister of Imperial Foreign Relations, and Ambassador to the United Nations for the Empire of Cyrellia, Ivanin Vitaly. The Cyrellian Emperor himself will also be making an appearance to formally address the United Nations in two weeks time. Until then all formal inquiries will be given to Ambassador Vitaly.

Imperial Minister for the Emperor,
Dmitriy Olesya

Wolfgang yawned, kicking his chair back to rest his feet against the legs of the table. "Slow today," he semi-mumbled to no-one in particular.

The Wolf Guardians;12878008']Wolfgang yawned, kicking his chair back to rest his feet against the legs of the table. "Slow today," he semi-mumbled to no-one in particular.

John nodded before falling asleep on a table, not bothering to go to his office, his assistant, Frank, was asleep also, at the bar,slumped on the bar, holding his coke rum, snoring..., it looked rather comical, the two Calizorinstanians passed out..

"Slow most of the time."

"yup."

The Wolf Guardians;12878008']Wolfgang yawned, kicking his chair back to rest his feet against the legs of the table. "Slow today," he semi-mumbled to no-one in particular.

"Slow most of the time."

Hercules Grytpype-Thynne and Count Jim "Thighs" Moriarty entered the bar for the first time, and noticed the other delegates turn to look at the two new additions to the Cobdenian mission. Grytpype-Thynne was well built, with black, slick backed hair, and smoked a cigarette out of a long holder. Moriarty was a short, thin, dirty man, and together they made a rather odd couple, especially for their roles in the Economic department of the mission - a position, one had better add, they acheived largely through blackmail and neither were qualified for.

They moved to the bar, and Hercules spoke, in a smooth, oily voice

"I'll have a large gin and tonic, and my fast disintergrating freind will have a glass of water. Put it on Sir Cyril's tab, would you? There's a good fellow"

Moriarty started fidgetting

"Stop fidgetting you steaming French Nit! Don't you know there are two of us in this suit?!"

and proceeded to hit him repeatedly on the head with a crowbar.

"Owwww-www-ww! Sapristi nyuckoes!"

"Let that clubbing be a lesson to you, you crutty French schlapper!"

"Aw-Yes, sir"

"Now, Neville, could you point me in the direction of someone wealthy? I feel I need to eat something other then newspaper for a change..."

The Wolf Guardians;12878008']Wolfgang yawned, kicking his chair back to rest his feet against the legs of the table. "Slow today," he semi-mumbled to no-one in particular.

John nodded before falling asleep on a table, not bothering to go to his office, his assistant, Frank, was asleep also, at the bar,slumped on the bar, holding his coke rum, snoring..., it looked rather comical, the two Calizorinstanians passed out..

The Maintence of Order Department Squad leader looked around at the bar patrons sitting around doing nothing (or in some cases sleeping). He switched his radio on and began to speak. "HQ, this is squad 8472. Inform R&D that the test of the pacification gas was a complete success. Although I'd advise starting with a lower concentration in the future as we've got people who've passed out from it in here."

The Maintence of Order Department Squad leader looked around at the bar patrons sitting around doing nothing (or in some cases sleeping). He switched his radio on and began to speak. "HQ, this is squad 8472. Inform R&D that the test of the pacification gas was a complete success. Although I'd advise starting with a lower concentration in the future as we've got people who've passed out from it in here."

John woke up and said "Wha.., what happened, why was I gassed?, I calmed down alrighty, and you gassed..." He took a few step's, stumbled on a table leg, and fell, bringing two delegates that he couldn't see, along with the table, onto the floor, and passed out, holding his beer high.., then his hand went limp and poured all of the contents of the root beer float onto his head, but he didn't notice, for he had blacked out..

John woke up and said "Wha.., what happened, why was I gassed?, I calmed down alrighty, and you gassed..." He took a few step's, stumbled on a table leg, and fell, bringing two delegates that he couldn't see, along with the table, onto the floor, and passed out, holding his beer high.., then his hand went limp and poured all of the contents of the root beer float onto his head, but he didn't notice, for he had blacked out..

"umm, Ailyn" Richard said to the delegate from New Vandalia, "have you got any pills or something for this?" said Richard to the unconcious delegate on the floor.

Dr. Hodz dialed his phaser to the lowest power and shocked Mr. Macked, bringing him to consciousness.

"It seems Building Mgmt is up to something. Which is never good."

A man of average height with black hair and a patch over his left eye walks in studies his surroundings for a moment, noticing the people in various stages of disarray, ignores them and approaches the bar.

"I wish to know if Blackstones are honoured here my good man? and if not where may I find someone to convert them into the common currency? I wish to purchase food and drink before addressing this United Nations my lord seems so fond of."

Dr. Hodz dialed his phaser to the lowest power and shocked Mr. Macked, bringing him to consciousness.

"It seems Building Mgmt is up to something. Which is never good."

Richard shrugged, "Maybe they're just building more offices."

"Lord Richard Sir,
May I ask why they would need to have people unable to move to build more offices?" asks the man with the patch that seems to still be waiting for a reply from the bartender.

He looks around again and notices from the dress of the people around him that he could have been mistaken. The man he asked for currency exchange could have been one of the other delegates.

This is going to take some getting used to.

"May I ask where you are all from as my lord wishes to open relations with like minded countries?" he asks not expecting any responses.

"Well, that was a turn for the better, Moriarty. How many wallets did you steal whilst the other delegates where sleeping?"

"Urm...I got four bricks, a coathanger, this trampoline, and a emu"

"Moriarty?"

"Yes Grytpype?"

*Whack!*

"Owww-www!"

"Luckily, I managed to accumulate somewhat more. Time for another drink, I think..."

"Yes. I'm glad you insist on wearing gasmasks now!"

"Naturally"

As they wonder towards the bar, Grypype stops suddenly

"Did you here that, Moriarty?"

"Did I here what Grypype?"

"What that fellow just said" and pointed towards the Cookeslandian delegate

"No. What did he say?"

"They're building more offices. Quick, Moriarty, it's our time for riches"

The two men became a fast moving blur, that promptly stopped in front of Maintence of Order Department Squad Leader.

"I here your doing some more building work? I'm Herecules Grytpype-Thynne, and this is Count Jim "Puff Daddy" Moriarty. Myself and my associate here are highly experienced building contractors, and offer competetive market rates...."

"Lord Richard Sir,
May I ask why they would need to have people unable to move to build more offices?" asks the man with the patch that seems to still be waiting for a reply from the bartender.

He looks around again and notices from the dress of the people around him that he could have been mistaken. The man he asked for currency exchange could have been one of the other delegates.

This is going to take some getting used to.

"May I ask where you are all from as my lord wishes to open relations with like minded countries?" he asks not expecting any responses.

"I dunno, UN Building Mgmt works in mysterious ways. Oh and you don't have to worry about currency exchange they take just about everything from the Universal Standard Dollar to the Piero.

You don't have call me lord or sir or anything, i'm Richard York by the way nice to meet you."

He then over heard the Cobdenians conversing and suddenly running quite fast, "I said maybe they're building more offices, i don't actually know if they are."

Kyle yawned at Wolfgang, bored out of his skull. He was kicking his feet under his chair and drumming his fingers on the table, all whilst surfing the net in his head. "Good thing most gases don't work on us, right, Beta?" he asked Wolfgang, who nodded and continued his own reading.

The Wolf Guardians;12883289']Kyle yawned at Wolfgang, bored out of his skull. He was kicking his feet under his chair and drumming his fingers on the table, all whilst surfing the net in his head. "Good thing most gases don't work on us, right, Beta?" he asked Wolfgang, who nodded and continued his own reading.

"Activity seems to have dropped considerably," Hodz said. "Fortunately, I brought my computer. Let's see which game I have in..."

OOC: Check you TGs, CWG.

"Activity seems to have dropped considerably," Hodz said. "Fortunately, I brought my computer. Let's see which game I have in..."

John woke up and said "I brought my computer also Dr.Hodz, let's play a LAN game of some good shooter up!"

Wolfgang, Kyle, and IX all three perked their ears at the mention of gaming. "What shall we play?" IX asked.

The Wolf Guardians;12884473']Wolfgang, Kyle, and IX all three perked their ears at the mention of gaming. "What shall we play?" IX asked.

John said peering into his computer case, which contained lots of games, "Call of Duty, BF1942, Medal of Honor, Tom Clancy:Rainbow Assault, Black Hawk Down, Cold War, and that's what I have, all support LAN networking."

"Bah. I prefer RTS. I have DEFCON (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEFCON_%28computer_game%29), , Rise of Nations, Star Wars: Empire at War..."

"Bah. I prefer RTS. I have DEFCON (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEFCON_%28computer_game%29), , Rise of Nations, Star Wars: Empire at War..."

John said "Rise of Nations it is, I have it too, thanks Dr.Hodz, Rise of Nations is my favorite RTS game!" He inserted it into his MacBook Pro, and started it up, he said "I call dibs on the Americans!"

"Those sound like games from that RL dimension. Do you have the original data, or can we steal them from your machine-thing?" Kyle asked, the other two nodding.

The Wolf Guardians;12884565']"Those sound like games from that RL dimension. Do you have the original data, or can we steal them from your machine-thing?" Kyle asked, the other two nodding.

"They're all on this." Hodz said, handing Kyle a small, translucent blue cube. "The PET should be able to read it."

"Oh cool, can i get in on this?"

"Indeed," Wolfgang said as Kyle held out his hand over the cube in Hodz extended hand, his PET strapped onto his wrist. The device analyzed and duplicated the cube in its own memory, and read it, the data intertwined in Kyle's head. He looked off into infinity for a few seconds, and then looked at Wolfgang and IX, transmitting the converted data over to them. IX blinked with surprise at Kyle's mastery of programming, having expected to do the conversion himself. Kyle turned to John and Hodz. "Ready! What's the... er..." He thought a moment. "The 'IP address'? That's silly."

John quickly gave the other delegate's his IP address, and soon they all chose their nations, and John was focusing on his economy and defense saying "A good defense is a good offense I say."

Kyle, IX, and Wolfgang sat back. Kyle clasped his hands behind his head and closed his eyes as they connected and began playing, slightly amateurish as they hadn't played before. IX actually focused on improving the game's graphics and actual gameplay simultaneously for release into the Commonwealth, RL copyrights bedamned.

John was busy directing a swarm army against Wolfgang's nation which on the map, was far from Kyle and IX's nation's, but John still had a sizeable army defending his towns, which meant that he could have a big reach still, John was an expert, he had been playing the game since it came out, the American army (John), was two ages ahead of Wolfgang, so that made the assault even easier, John commented "I've been playing for years, so I think has Dr.Hodz, so expect tough opposition from me.." He directed this comment towards Wolfgang, IX and Kyle..

John's nation (the Americans), had formed an alliance with Dr.Hodz's nation against Wolfgang, IX and Kyle, so he was also assisting Hodz's armies in their fight..

Wolfgang shrugged, starting a simultaneous, public game of CounterStrike: Source, generating a hologram of both "screens" in front of himself for the benefit of anyone else. Kyle, his eyes still closed, nodded and joined that game, too, as did IX, in turn, also generating screens and successfully playing both games. Kyle electronically whispered to IX to help Wolfgang.

Richard shrugged, "Maybe they're just building more offices."

The leader of the Maintence of Order Department Squad walked over to Richard. "Actually no," he said, "the Maintence of Order Department's R&D division has been working on that pacification gas for several months. We were looking for an opportunity to give it a field test, and after recent events in the Bar, we figured that now would be a good time."

Dr. Hodz was not so concerned with winning as he was with tooling around and seeing if he could get his computer to make the game look beautiful.

IX leaned over to Hodz. "Rather old-fashioned game, isn't it?" he said, speaking of the RoN game. In CS:S, Wolfgang had elected to play Counterterrorists, as did Kyle. IX obliged them by playing a squad of Terrorists, slightly bemused by the fact that he was impossible to beat if he played only one.

A pair of miners' helmets enter the Bar, moving as though they were being worn although -- as far as most people in the room are concerned -- the beings under them aren't actually visible.

"Hey, Uncle Harvey!" calls a wabbitish voice from a little way beneath one helmet, "That wabbithole you told us to dig is ready now. We ran into a little problem with a vein of 'Bloodytoughite', which is why it's taken so long, but now you've got the route that you wanted between our colony here (http://www.nationstates.net/wabbits_at_the_un) and back home in the West Pacific: Its other end opens just outside Lots of Ants' country club there, as you requested, and cousin Henrietta has just gone to announce its completion to people there (http://twp.nosync.org/index.php?showtopic=2243&st=500&#entry68304)..."

Dr. Hodz was not exactly sure what was going on.

"did two miners hats just float into to the bar?" inquired Richard

"did two miners hats just float into to the bar?" inquired Richard

John said "Whoever is in those helmets must be drunk!" He laughed, and said "I wish this was a gym, so I could see drunken reps doing stunts.."

"Wabbits digging tunnels, and not making a wrong turn at Albuquerque? What is the world coming too?" Bob wondered aloud before ordering another drink.

"Wabbits digging tunnels, and not making a wrong turn at Albuquerque? What is the world coming too?" Bob wondered aloud before ordering another drink.

[OOC] There's an old saying amongst scientists: "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence"... In other words, the fact that they didn't actually mention any such wrong turning needn't be taken to mean that they didn't actually make one... Check their main nation's pre-title (http://www.nationstates.net/invisible_wabbits)...

Invisible Wabbits;12900342'][OOC] There's an old saying amongst scientists: "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence"... In other words, the fact that they didn't actually mention any such wrong turning needn't be taken to mean that they didn't actually make one... Check their main nation's pre-title (http://www.nationstates.net/invisible_wabbits)...

OOC: True, but the fact they they reached their intended destination would lead one to believe that they in fact didn't make the wrong turn.

John drank 5 more bottles of Budweiser before passing out in the middle of the floor, and smashing his 6th full bottle of Budwesier, and the contents spilling out on to the floor..

"Disgusting," muttered Julia Zangari, the "Londinian" UN representative. Technically, the People's Sovereign Republic was not in the United Nations, but due to the creation of a small loophole, precisely one city building in downtown Kensington was, in fact, a UN member. She kicked the unconscious Calizorinstani man in the side and shouted, "Get up!"

"Disgusting," muttered Julia Zangari, the "Londinian" UN representative. Technically, the People's Sovereign Republic was not in the United Nations, but due to the creation of a small loophole, precisely one city building in downtown Kensington was, in fact, a UN member. She kicked the unconscious Calizorinstani man in the side and shouted, "Get up!"

John pretended to stay unconscious, and then when he got up he smirked and said "Whaa, all "cool" UN reps get bored and drunk once and a while, whaa!, I think yaa shhould be glad that I am not, not, naaa!" He slumped over on the bar muttering in a slurrred voice "Thoshh, Britishhh, Londianinshhhss, arsshh,ssttrsshangee.."

John took a sobriety pill with his vanilla shake and said "Ah, that was a foul thing of me to do, how are you Hetaera Zangari?" He bowed slightly and smiled a bit..

Major Mikhail Lonieda stood up, and turned around to face the bar.

"Drunk ash a shkunk I izz, and i really neat to pizz."

Then he collapsed drunk on the floor.

Dr. Hodz slipped a sobriety pill into Loneida's mouth.

"This is getting out of hand."

Dr. Hodz unpaused the game and continued playing.

John groaned and said "It seems like a fad for reps to drink themselves to drunkness, even though I did it, I must say I don't condone it. We should put a limit on how much reps drink.."

He went back to his huge invasion army invading Wolfgang's capital..

Wolfgang was devoting a minimum of effort to the RoN game, so it was miraculous that his defenses worked even as much as they did. He was concentrating hard on trying to kill IX in the CounterStrike game. IX had decreased the number of players he was controlling, allowing him incredible resources on each one. There was one in particular that Wolfgang and Kyle simply could NOT kill. Damn AIs, thought Wolfgang. At least there was no legislation on the floor for him to worry about as well, for the moment.

Richard looked to his left and right and then behind him, "Where did Carol go?" he though to himself, and then ordered another Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.

Lonieda jumped back up.

"I must leave now, I am opening up ZInthari-Vizion relations."

With that he walked out the door.

John said "I really love it when reps get drunk, they say things they didn't mean, or can't say when they are sober. Lolz.." John was playing Medal of Honor against a British Londinian that username was "Adavidson", and John sniped "Adavidson" in the game, and smirked..

Aran was without a doubt that this woman was ignoring him. "Sorry I bothered you. I'll find someone else to talk to." He walked up to the floating miner hats. "Excuse me but is there somone under there, or is this a magick trick?"

"Well, I'm glad we got a union resolution passed." Dr. Hodz remarked to those around him.

"I wonder where Aria went..." Hodz wondered, referring to the delegate from Intellect and Art. "I do hope she's all right."

Yuru Namari swung open the door of the bar. "Aran there you are!" Aran swung around facing his employer and mentor. "Oh! Mister Namari I was just on my way back to the office I..." "I'm sure. Now move it you can spend time in the bar when you've finished your paper work! That goes for you as well Paalu. Kia has been filling out her papers, while you've been having a good time. You could learn something from her. Now get back to work!" "Yes sir." The interns said in unison and exited the bar. Yuru followed after them.

Ambassador Strathfield of Twafflonia wanders into the establishment for the first time and makes his way to the bar, where he orders a porter.

Aüþgæþ Spøtyiú stumbles into the bar, smelling of smoke and covered in soot. He orders a Fine Yeldan Ale™, takes a sip from it, and scans the bar. He sees Biddulph Strathfield, who also appears to have had a recent encounter with fire, and decides to go talk to him.

Ambassador. I'd like to commend you on your performance in the general assembly today. Even though we were on opposite sides of the debate it's nice to see new representatives taking the UN seriously.

Speaking of the debate, did I miss anything? I hated to leave like that but...I'm almost certain that bastard Dzerzhinsky set fire to my car.

Strathfield smiles at Spøtyiú and sips his porter before replying.

No, you didn't miss much. Uh, some windows were broken and there were bunnies or something... and I was set on fire and kicked out a window, but I somehow ended up in a pond, so... no worries.

My name is Biddulph by the way.

He extends his hand in greeting.

Ambassador York looks over to Ambassador Strathfield

"Didn't i see you get burned and thrown out a window today in the General Assembly?" asked Richard amicably

My name is Biddulph by the way.

He extends his hand in greeting.
Spøtyiú gives the Twafflonian a firm handshake.

My name is Aüþgæþ, pleased to meet you.

Strathfield smiles sheepishly.

Yeah, that was me.

He looks down meaningfully at his charred, soaked business suit.

By fortunate coincidence I landed in some sort of machine that launched me into a body of water, thereby extinguishing the flames.

Spøtyiú gives the Twafflonian a firm handshake.

My name is Aüþgæþ, pleased to meet you.

The pleasure is all mine, Au... aou... eau.. Aüþgæþ. Did I say that correctly?

Strathfield smiles sheepishly.

Yeah, that was me.

He looks down meaningfully at his charred, soaked business suit.

By fortunate coincidence I landed in some sort of machine that launched me into a body of water, thereby extinguishing the flames.

"Hahaha talk about a Baptism by Fire, welcome to the UN. I'm Richard York, the UN Ambassador for Cookesland, Nice to meet you." said Richard, extending his hand to shake.

"Hahaha talk about a Baptism by Fire, welcome to the UN. I'm Richard York, the UN Ambassador for Cookesland, Nice to meet you." said Richard, extending his hand to shake.

Nice to meet you, Mr. York. I'm Biddulph Strathfield, the Ambassador of Twafflonia.

He shakes the man's hand.

The pleasure is all mine, Au... aou... eau.. Aüþgæþ. Did I say that correctly?
Yes, yes, that's very close. Yeldan is a difficult language.

(OOC:somewhere around here is a thread where I actually explained how to pronounce it. It's pronounced Eyethgath, or something like that)

Yes, yes, that's very close. Yeldan is a difficult language.

(OOC:somewhere around here is a thread where I actually explained how to pronounce it. It's pronounced Eyethgath, or something like that)

OOC: Good thing we're text-based, I suppose.

Well, I suppose I should be grateful that you've taken the time to learn English as well. I'm afraid I don't know any Yeldan.

Strathfield gestures to the Ambassador's ale.

What's that you're drinking?

Minilla Island's UN Ambassador, Bertram Pinkston, is escorting HRH King Raymond I into the bar. The Ambassador orders two shots of Jaegermeister and two pints of Nestegg Ultra, a dry beer from Minilla Island. The Ambassador and HRH, still smarting over the defenestrations. Drink to celebrate the sweet revenge brought about by the former Battalion 7 LASER commander. Those two clowns won't be walking for a while.

Glancing at his wrist chronometer, Ambassador Strathfield notes the time with alarm.

Whoops, I'm sorry--I've got to catch my flight back to Twafflonia to present the fact of this proposal's passing to the Twafflonian legislators. But it was a pleasure to meet you both, Ambassador Aüþgæþ and Ambassador York. Best wishes, and perhaps I'll see you when the next resolution is up for debate. I look forward to further intelligent discussions.

The ambassador downs the rest of his porter and gives a slight bow to the other representatives before heading out the door.

Felix Dzerzhinsky hops into the bar on one leg. He is brandishing his recently self-amputated leg like a baseball bat.

THERE YOU ARE!

He charges (well, he charges as much as a one-legged man is capable of charging) at the two Minilla Islanders and uses his leg to deliver a sound beating to the both of them.

Nekulturny! Zalupa! *whap* Zasranec! *whump* Zhri govno i zdohni! *thunk* Yob materi vashi! *thunk*

When he is finished, Felix hops to the bar and orders a bottle of Stolichnaya.

I have no time for this foolishness. It will take an hour at least to reattach this leg. Bah!

Felix takes his vodka, and his leg, and hops out of the bar.

Felix Dzerzhinsky hops into the bar on one leg. He is brandishing his recently self-amputated leg like a baseball bat.

THERE YOU ARE!

He charges (well, he charges as much as a one-legged man is capable of charging) at the two Minilla Islanders and uses his leg to deliver a sound beating to the both of them.

Nekulturny! Zalupa! *whap* Zasranec! *whump* Zhri govno i zdohni! *thunk* Yob materi vashi! *thunk*Bob watches Felix beat the tar out of the Minilla Islanders and comments, "Leave it to Felix to be the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest and actually win it.

Leetha unobtrusively enters the bar.

A pint of Rubinan Fire, please, and refill the glasses of the rest of this disreputable bunch on my teru.

Lifting her glass, she turns from the bar, To a fight well fought! And may your workers rejoice. ;)

Finding a back corner table, Leetha sat facing the door. Taking a long drink of her Fire, she wondered if Cdr. Chiang would take up her offer of a bit of blackmail. But even if not, the Bar lacked certain prying eyes that made viewing the latest news from home difficult. Pulling the vidchit from her dari, she set it on the table and hoped for good news... or at least something useful.

*In walks in the newly elected delegate of the Dead Awaken region, he looks around nervously. He never thought of the day he'd be here at the UN. He heads for bar, hoping to get a drink to soothe his nerves.*

Can I get bourbon, please.

Anthony Martin, the newly elected Head Commandant of the Foreign Affairs Bureau, walks in and marches straight up to the bar.

"A round on me for everyone!" He says as he orders an entire bottle of vodka.

He pours himself a glass, then turns to everyone in the bar and says

"Three cheers for the Labor Relations Act!Now Workers in all nations of the world are guaranteed basic rights!"

With that he downs his glass and pours himself some more.

Aran was without a doubt that this woman was ignoring him. "Sorry I bothered you. I'll find someone else to talk to." He walked up to the floating miner hats. "Excuse me but is there somone under there, or is this a magick trick?"

"Of course there's somebody here," came the reply: "I'm Huey McWabbit and this is my brother Donnie... and we're Invisible Wabbits. There are a lot of us around, so if you haven't met any of our people before this then you can't have been spending much time in good bars.."

I have no time for this foolishness. It will take an hour at least to reattach this leg. Bah!

Felix takes his vodka, and his leg, and hops out of the bar.

"I can help you with that, if you'd like." Dr. Hodz said, holding a cylinder of glowing blue liquid.

Bob watches Felix beat the tar out of the Minilla Islanders and comments, "Leave it to Felix to be the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest and actually win it.

"Well, he is Iron Felix. I wouldn't mind beating the tar out of them myself. But now that that silly commander has seen that I'm in fact still walking he'll probablt try to rectify that."

Dr. Hodz pressed something on his belt and was immediately outlined by a faint purple glow.

"Well, he is Iron Felix. I wouldn't mind beating the tar out of them myself. But now that that silly commander has seen that I'm in fact still walking he'll probablt try to rectify that."

Dr. Hodz pressed something on his belt and was immediately outlined by a faint purple glow.

"I wouldn't worry about that in here," Bob said. "Remember about those weapon nullification machines, if he tries to throw another shuriken at you, it'll probably just turn into a pie before it gets to you."

Ailyn mutters into her drink, "And here I thought this place was supposed to be our refuge from the bantha dung that gets flung about on the UN floor..."

"I wouldn't worry about that in here," Bob said. "Remember about those weapon nullification machines, if he tries to throw another shuriken at you, it'll probably just turn into a pie before it gets to you."

"French Silk, I hope. Mm-mm."

Neville suddenly stumbled from the kitchen, smoldering slightly. "Ah! Violet," the barlord said as he patted down the smoking portions of his array. "Sorry to leave you by yourself for so long. Jimmy was experimenting with some recipes from the newer UN nations, and he, uhh, accidentally set the stove afire. -- I wouldn't try a Twafflonian soufflé at home without a fire marshal present, by the way, -- so how go things out here? I see activity has picked up some?"

"Aye, and fewer instances than usual," Violet replied. "Felix showed up and started batting one of the newbs around with his severed leg, but that's about it."

"Felix was here, and not a single defenestration? I fear our old comrade's gone soft."

"I wouldn't bet on it," said Violet. "Not if you'd been watching the coverage of the recent floor debate. You seem to have collected a visitor, Neville."

She designated the far end of the bar, where sat the good Cdr. Chiang, trying her best to ignore all the riffraff that had slipped in on their lunch hour. One eye she had fixed on her two-way, the other on the mounted television, broadcasting news of Felix's establishment of a "secret" Antarctic enclave (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=576).

Neville's eyes lighted with sudden interest. "Has she been served yet?"

Violet handed him a napkin and half-full tumbler of Jameson on ice. "She's all yours," she winked.

"Very good." The barlord strode to Chiang's post, placing down her usual drink order. "So sorry, Commander," he told her. "We seem to have unnecessary delayed your order." He dealt her a sly smile. "Surely I must be penalized somehow?"

Chiang grasped the tumbler and raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you have a fitting penalty in mind?" she asked.

"I might have one or two," chortled Neville.

"You might have many. But alas, we'll have to negotiate your correction later. I'm here on business. It seems the Rubinan ambassador wants me to have a hand in some nefarious deed."

"God forbid a Kennyite be party to a nefarious deed!" Neville said in mock-shock.

"On the contrary. My progeny seems to be one of the main qualifiers for Leetha's quest. I am a Kennyite, so I must want in on a quest for nefariousness, right?"

"Do what you will, Commander," Neville happily excused her as he hobbled back to the kitchen to make sure Jimmy had the burn under control.

Chiang seized her Jameson and approached Leetha a few stools down. "Ambassador," she greeted her with a peculiar air of cordiality as she claimed a stool adjacent hers. "Might I order a fresher on your drink?

"I'm to understand you seek my services in some sort of ... blackmail? ... I'm listening."

Invisible Wabbits;12920245']"Of course there's somebody here," came the reply: "I'm Huey McWabbit and this is my brother Donnie... and we're Invisible Wabbits. There are a lot of us around, so if you haven't met any of our people before this then you can't have been spending much time in good bars.."

The old nekomusume who was minding the Shrine of the Manifestation noticed Aran talking to the floating miners' hats, and walked over to him pleasantly. She commented, "I see you've noticed the Manifestation here. It's taken on some rather peculiar properties since I've been maintaining the Shrine, but rest assured, the Cute One's revelations are not harmful, at least not to those whose favor It rests upon."

["T]he Cute One's revelations are not harmful, at least not to those whose favor It rests upon."

"And whose favor does it rest upon, pray tell?"

Twafflonian Ambassador Biddulph Strathfield enters the bar again (this time wearing a dry, unburnt business suit and with both shoes) carrying a briefcase and looking a little haggard after all his traveling and meetings. He walks up to the bar.

A porter, please?

OOC: By the way, do I just start a tab or can I use my Twafflonian IOUs here?

OOC: By the way, do I just start a tab or can I use my Twafflonian IOUs here?

Expenses are accrued automatically and electronically. Your receipt is placed in your office at night. But then again, you can make up your tab.

Dr. Hodz's balance is something like $450 quadrillion. He breaks things too much. And that's also what you get for drinking constantly for nine months.

John got the note on his PDA that the R.C.S Descanso had been found, albeit damaged beyond repair, "Welp, 2 out of the 12 Peter the Great class ships are decom'ed.." He said aloud and he groaned..

Grand Duke Otto orders a vat of gin and a deep fried water buffalo before sloping off to a dark corner beneath a very dusty palm tree to ponder Obesity ....

John got the note on his PDA that the R.C.S Descanso had been found, albeit damaged beyond repair, "Welp, 2 out of the 12 Peter the Great class ships are decom'ed.." He said aloud and he groaned..

"Ah, yes. We're attempting to assist."

Strathfield takes his bottle and glass of porter gratefully and retreats to an empty table. After sipping the drink, he puts his briefcase on the table top, opens it, and starts looking over papers, double-checking for mistakes.

After the fight with the Iron Felix delegate, UN Ambassador Pinkston grabs his pint. dusts of HRH and sends HRH off with their security. They will wipe out the enemy on another day. Meanwhile, Pinkston goes to the table where Strathfield sits.

Hiya, I'm Bert Pinkston. (extends hand) Can I get you a drink? I'd like to talk to you about an issue that affects both our nations.

Strathfield looks up, smiles haggardly and shakes hands.

Sure, have a seat. I'm Biddulph Strathfield.

He starts putting his papers away to make room on the table.

Strathfield puts the papers in the briefcase and sets the briefcase on the floor.

As for that drink though, I've already got one, thanks. But if you want the next shout that's fine by me. Now... what I can I do for you?

Ambassador Christophe Boco (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Christophe_Boco) and deputy Ambassador Julien Quan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Julien_Quan) walk into the Bar, each carrying a painting. Without a word, they walk over to one of the walls, and Boco holds his up. The two diplomats observe it for a moment, then Boco nods, and Quan nails it into the wall. They then proceed to hang the other one up on the opposite wall, before moving over to the bar.

"Two beers, please," Quan says.

Seeing people glance at the paintings, Boco takes a casual swallow of his beer, then explains:

"Since my country has had a change of delegation here, this is our small contribution to the artwork of the United Nations. It may pale by comparison with the inestimable statue by Yœthe Gørr which graces the outside of this building (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12011477&postcount=285), but...

This first painting symbolises the spirit of dialogue which is prevalent within these United Nations. We feel it will help people relax and remember why they are here." He takes another swallow of his beer.

http://adamstrange.com/website_4.0/2--sub-gallery/painting/11-16-04-NEW/mickey-mouse-alien-Adam-Strange.jpg

"The second painting is an abstract representation of the sense, harmony and meaning which abound within these walls. Truly a testimony to the logic, good sense and capacity for reasonable dialogue exhibited by the vast majority of delegates in the General Assembly."

http://antell.com/pic/grams.jpg

"I hope they contribute to making everyone feel comfortable in the Strangers' Bar," Boco concluded serenely.

"Excuse me, I don't suppose you do grapefruit beer?" Quan asks.

The old nekomusume who was minding the Shrine of the Manifestation noticed Aran talking to the floating miners' hats, and walked over to him pleasantly. She commented, "I see you've noticed the Manifestation here. It's taken on some rather peculiar properties since I've been maintaining the Shrine, but rest assured, the Cute One's revelations are not harmful, at least not to those whose favor It rests upon."

The two helmets turn towards each other, as the wabbits wearing them ponder this idea...

all i need (in this moment) is economic help for my country

http://adamstrange.com/website_4.0/2--sub-gallery/painting/11-16-04-NEW/mickey-mouse-alien-Adam-Strange.jpg

http://antell.com/pic/grams.jpg

"Whoa...these drinks must be stronger than I thought..."

all i need (in this moment) is economic help for my country

[OoC: Check out the International Incidents if you need economic help with your nation.]

Dr. Hodz stepped into the bar and looked around for Dicey Reilly, whom he believed to have entered the bar shortly before himself.

He had a rather nervous look on his face.

were is International Incidents ?

where is International Incidents ?

[OoC: Here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=1230), it's the forum where you can declare war, forge alliances, and other international incidents. hence the name.]

Deputy Ambassador Fiore Acquerello (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fiore_Acquerello) entered the bar after Dr Hodz and looked around. Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing and looked at her, then Fiore walked over to get a seat next to Ambassador York, ordered a drink and everyone went back to business.

Richard leaned over to her and said, "You took forever that time."

Then he waved to Dicey and Dr. Hodz who had just entered the bar. "hey guys"

Strathfield looks up to see the new paintings, cracking a smile. He notes the arrival of some other delegates as he sips his glass of porter wearily.

“Hi, Blue-eyes!” returned Dicey, settling onto her accustomed barstool. “Neville, you know that ’98 uisquebaugh I brought back ... Neville? Nev?”

Only someone who knew him well would have picked it, but there was something more than usually odd about the BarLord. Extending all her magical senses, Dicey checked: no, he wasn’t on anything, he wasn’t sick, he wasn’t enchanted ... wait, that curious smoothness on the brain there ... hmm, he’d been exposed to electronic neural stimulation from an unidentified source.

“Great Goddess! He’s been godmoded!”

Extending a hand, Dicey clicked her fingers: “Gimme!”* A small device flew across the room.

“Acme Pty Ltd patented Godmoder ... Neville Notthatone Chamberlain ... where’s the ‘off’ button?” Finding it, Dicey clicked. The BarLord fell writhing to the floor. Dicey, in mental rapport with her patient, watched as ...

[OOC: Cue MONTAGE of 434 June and July posts. Should be enough time to make a cuppa.]

“Ye gods!” said Neville, sitting up shakily. “You mean ... all that happened while I was ... not noticing? The touchy velociraptors? The famous Moriarty and Grytpype-Thynne? That amazing giant spider? The string of nations beginning with C? The Kawaiian Nuncia? And ... ohh, gods no, no, not that!”

He plunged his head into his hands, combing his fingers distractedly through his hair. “Tell me it’s not true – a Maintenance of Order Department Squad! Dicey, the Bar’s ruined! You know what happens when the Squad keeps dropping by! Our takings will plummet! Everyone’ll think we’ve gone respectable!”

“Now, now, Neville,” Dicey reassured him. “No-one’s likely to think that while you’re still dressed like a cocktail waitress. Or while that lot keep turning up.”

(OOC: Cue another MONTAGE as camera pans bar, highlighting delegates being themselves)

“But what I can’t help but wonder, Neville, is who did this to you?” Her eyes narrowing, she subjected the little mechanism to a closer examination. “You know, I think this whole thing has the stamp of ... Kennyites.”

“Dicey, you’re letting your prejudices run away with you,” Neville reproved. “Just because they call your country Artichokeville and kidnapped your advisor and seduced your intern and tried to arrest your lover and regularly ridicule you in their media and ...”

“No, I can tell, Neville, my special powers have Revealed All. It was the Kennyites, and they must pay. You will be avenged, Neville.”

“But I don’t want to be avenged! I’ve got a bar to run! Besides, I thought that if you used your special powers for personal gain, you lost them? And whatever happened to that witchy thing, eh? You know, An’ it harm none, do what thou wilt? Harm none, right?”

“Oh, I won’t do any harm. In fact, I think Sammy Faisano will have reason to thank me. If this works, he’ll acquire two amazingly efficient assistants.”

Dicey’s voice assumed the lecturing tone it always had when she discussed the technicalities of magic. “See, what I’m going to try to do is make a spell that does almost the same as this sneaky little thing did.” She waved the Acme Godmoder under Neville’s nose. “It imposes a substitute personality on the original one. So I’m going to turn those two stoners of his -- you know, Ace and Rico -- into the two most devoted delegation members ever. They’ll have all the paperwork totally up to date, they’ll never goof off, they’ll be so respectful they’ll call Sammy ‘sir’...”

She screwed her eyes up, concentrating. “There!” she said finally. “I can’t be certain it’s worked, you understand –- I haven’t got the hang of all of this stuff yet, and it is a distance spell -- but we’ll know when we see them. If it has, they’ll walk in here wearing ties and business suits and carrying clipboards, and they’ll drink nothing but orange juice and pester Sammy for signatures.” She smiled nastily. “Let’s see, they held you in thrall for two months ... surely it’s only fair that they ... I think I’ll write a blistering letter to Acme, too. They shouldn’t manufacture such dangerous things.”

“A blistering letter? That’s not going to have much effect,” objected Violet.

“You wait till you see who gets the blisters. And where,” Dicey said.

She refilled glasses that had somehow emptied themselves. Turning apologetically to Dr Hodz, she begged his indulgence. “I’m so sorry for my inattention just now, Doctor, but I couldn’t let poor Neville suffer any longer. Anyway, at least that little incident got me caught up with all the Bar gossip. So, what’s been happening in the GA since June, then?”

________________________________

*Ardchoilleans believe that the use of Latin in spells is unforgivably pretentious. Ner, Harry Potter.

Chiang seized her Jameson and approached Leetha a few stools down. "Ambassador," she greeted her with a peculiar air of cordiality as she claimed a stool adjacent hers. "Might I order a fresher on your drink?

"I'm to understand you seek my services in some sort of ... blackmail? ... I'm listening."--the reports indicate that backers of Julk Danj will force a change in the Central Comm--

Leetha shutdown the vidchit at the approach of the Kennyite attache.

"Commander Chiang, thank you for meeting with me. I must refrain from the offer of a refill I’m afraid, the office is expecting me very soon. Let’s move to a more private table if you don’t mind.” Performing the quintessential dance around the regulars, the returned, and the Kawaiian pilgrims to an empty table, made Leetha question her own sanity for even considering such a place as suitable for a meeting. Waiting for a moment to ensure their conversation wouldn't be overheard, Leetha addressed the skeptical woman.

"Your comment in the General Assembly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12914394&postcount=155) concerning the possible liaison between a Rubinan government official and a Kennyite corporate sponsor was very intriguing. Were such a comment uttered by anyone other than yourself, I'd put it down to titillating gossip.

As I’m sure you are aware, there are certain power struggles within the reinstated Central Committee that are ... shall we say ... malleable. And of necessity controlled.”

Leetha paused for a sip of her nearly empty Fire. There was little readable on Chiang’s lovely face, though Leetha sensed that there was at least a nascent interest.

“Rubinans don’t give a Ferontean fuck for what goes on between the sheets of others ... except when it comes to bedding the enemy.”

Leetha interrupted the reaction she saw forming in the commander’s eyes, “No, don’t get me wrong. It’s not the Kennyite aspect of the liaison that would be of interest, but its corporate nature.

Your involvement need be no more than you wish. At the very least, we... I would be quite willing to compensate you well (either personally or your government ) for the information we seek.”

____________
ETA: Wheee... 1000th post. :D

Ardchoilleans;12927197']Turning apologetically to Dr Hodz, she begged his indulgence. “I’m so sorry for my inattention just now, Doctor, but I couldn’t let poor Neville suffer any longer. Anyway, at least that little incident got me caught up with all the Bar gossip. So, what’s been happening in the GA since June, then?”

"Cloning resolutions, a whole lot of 'em. I was able to stop the whole thing with one statement, though. I mentioned how clones aren't any different from anything, because they're clones. And their rights as beings are already protected."

"Then there were a bunch of noobish repeals, and then the noobs complained that the UN wasn't civil, which prompted hysterical laughing on the part of us old-timers."

"Dicey-darling! You're back here at last!" the familiar voice of Harry McWabbit exclaimed. (The barstool immediately to the right of hers creaked slightly, as an invisible body settled onto it.) "I was afraid that you might have gone for good... What kept you away for so long? I tried to go and find you, but I must have taken a wrong turning somewhere because my tunnel came up in 'Bahgum' instead and I had a narrow escape from some of the local ferrets!"

"Har-REEE!" Leaping up, Dicey hugged the invisible creature. "I had a few political crises on my hands, pet; still going on, too." The friendly presence of her Wabbity playmate tempted her to say more, especially now her tongue was fuelled by Old 'n' Funky '98. But, somehow, I'm trying to overthrow the High Priest of the Oldest Coven seemed a bit indiscreet, even for Dicey.

Instead, she seized on the mention of Bahgum to find out about its handsome UN rep, Sir Albert. (Against all odds, Dicey was fascinated by the perpetually drunk and over-mother-in-lawed Bahgumian.) But it seemed Sir Albert was in training for the world ferret-down-trouser-stuffing championships.

"Well, I'm glad you got away unscathed, my bouncy lad," she told Harry jovially, and turned back to the more general topic.

"The good doctor Hodz here has been telling me about the GA -- sounds like it's been the same old same old," she said. "But I lobbed in for the last bit of that union debate, and I thought there were a few interesting new folk showing up ... speaking of which, what's the story with those two?" she asked, nodding at the luscious Cookesland Deputy Ambassador Fiore Acquerello and her renamed boss.

Ardchoilleans;12927479']speaking of which, what's the story with those two?" she asked, nodding at the luscious Cookesland Deputy Ambassador Fiore Acquerello and her renamed boss.

"Richard, there, was, um, well... infatuated by this young thing from Brutland and Norden. Something or other happened, and he hit his head. When he was conscious again, he remembered everything clearly. He's no longer the amnesiac he once was." Hodz looked at Acquerello. "As for her, I've no idea."

'ere, did tha mention ferrets?' slurred Sir Albert, as he staggered back into the bar. 'as i've lost one, there should be 23 of em down here...' grabbing a large glass of beer he motions to his worringly self wiggling trousers, 'tha's not seen a stripey one called Diceylass as thee? mind if tha sees her, she's a reet handful'.
staggering whilst his bottom half wiggled independantly, Sir Albert found his usual chair, and contemplated his revised training regime for the forthcoming world trouser ferreting championships. After all, being one ferret down and only having kept the rest there for 6 months was starting to be a worry.

"And whose favor does it rest upon, pray tell?"

The old nekomusme beamed. "Why, upon those who are cute and happy, of course. What else does the Eternal Kawaii ask of us?" Glancing over at the two floating hardhats that now appeared to be looking at each other, she added, "Manifestations such as this are intended to show us the way."

At one end of the bar...

Ardchoilleans;12927197']“See, what I’m going to try to do is make a spell that does almost the same as this sneaky little thing did.” She waved the Acme Godmoder under Neville’s nose. “It imposes a substitute personality on the original one. So I’m going to turn those two stoners of his -- you know, Ace and Rico -- into the two most devoted delegation members ever. They’ll have all the paperwork totally up to date, they’ll never goof off, they’ll be so respectful they’ll call Sammy ‘sir’...”

She screwed her eyes up, concentrating. “There!” she said finally. “I can’t be certain it’s worked, you understand –- I haven’t got the hang of all of this stuff yet, and it is a distance spell -- but we’ll know when we see them. If it has, they’ll walk in here wearing ties and business suits and carrying clipboards, and they’ll drink nothing but orange juice and pester Sammy for signatures.”He might have been a complete stranger, with the involuntary makeover to which he'd been subjected, but even with his red hair neatly combed and his formerly herbal-influenced extremities decorated with a freshly pressed charcoal-colored suit and red tie, Ace's clean-shaven complexion was unmistakable. He brandished the requisite clipboard as he ambled toward the newly recovered Ardchoillean criminal (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12304577&postcount=5456) at the bar, on the way pressing a button on the hands-free device protruding from his ear.

"Ambassador Faisano's office," he said loudly and officially. "Ah, yes, Mr. Secretary, the ambassador would be delighted to meet with you! When shall I pencil you in? I have an 8:30, an 8:45 ... 9:00? Perfect," he intoned compliantly as he jotted down the message. "I'll inform the ambassador promptly. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another call ... uh-huh ... the same to you! ..." -- another click to the hands-free device -- "Ambassador Faisano-- Ambassador! Funny you should call; I was just on my way to speak with her now! And Secretary Tehrani-- What was that? ... No sir, I don't see that as a problem. I'll let her know ..." -- more scribbling -- "... Yes, sir? ... oh, no, sir, nothing at all's the matter; what would make you ask a funny thing like that? ... Yes, Mr. Ambassador. I'll check in with you afterward. Enjoy your afternoon." Click.

Ace's oddly clear and attentive blue eyes suddenly lighted on Dicey.

"Madame President for Life! How wonderful to see you! The Ambassador would care to know if he could schedule a conference with you later this week to discuss the State Department's recently issued advisory (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/OMGTKK_Department_of_State#Ardchoille) about your dangerous regime. He would also like to know if it's feasible to schedule in a booty-call with Ms. Thibaudet for 9:00 tonight. They are, after all, set to be wed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12667798&postcount=5792). Do you make appointments for her?"

It may not have been immediately apparent to anyone watching him, but Ace was also carrying a package under his arm.

"Neville!" he greeted his former Godmoding victim. "The ambassador has something for you too! He regrets that seem to have misplaced your miniskirt, so he's taken the liberty to replace it!" He plopped the package down on the counter with an expectant grin.


And at the other end...

"Commander Chiang, thank you for meeting with me. ... Your comment in the General Assembly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12914394&postcount=155) concerning the possible liaison between a Rubinan government official and a Kennyite corporate sponsor was very intriguing. Were such a comment uttered by anyone other than yourself, I'd put it down to titillating gossip.

"As I’m sure you are aware, there are certain power struggles within the reinstated Central Committee that are ... shall we say ... malleable. And of necessity controlled.”

“Rubinans don’t give a Ferontean fuck for what goes on between the sheets of others ... except when it comes to bedding the enemy. Your involvement need be no more than you wish. At the very least, we... I would be quite willing to compensate you well (either personally or your government) for the information we seek.”The commander's interest had indeed been aroused. She'd never before encountered the ambassador in such a friendly mood, at least toward anyone in her delegation, and here she was going out of her way to flatter the commander, even impress her with profanity! Whatever Chiang had Leetha must have wanted it badly.

She returned a noncommittal smile. "After my high-level clearances as deputy national security adviser, I see," she teased. "I might have access to the intelligence you desire. However -- and I must apologize if this poses any inconvenience for you -- the leaking of classified information to any foreign official is a federal crime carrying the pain of imprisonment."

The commander paused for dramatic effect.

"So I can't do it for less than $25,000, cash up front."

ETA: Wheee... 1000th post. :DOOC: w00t. Congrats.

And at the other end...

... "I might have access to the intelligence you desire. However -- and I must apologize if this poses any inconvenience for you -- the leaking of classified information to any foreign official is a federal crime carrying the pain of imprisonment."

The commander paused for dramatic effect.

"So I can't do it for less than $25,000, cash up front."Leetha was pleasantly surprised that the fee would be a traditional cash exchange, and a seemingly fair one at that. Perhaps the lurid information she had been given about Chiang, and Kennyites in general, was more wishful thinking than reality. She made a mental note to look into that apparent disparity.

Adopting a look of concern, Leetha swallowed the last of her drink. "I believe we can meet your price. If you do indeed have the information sought."

The two floating hardhats momentarily caught Leetha's attention. She didn't think she'd be surprised to find a small cake with the words `EAT ME' marked in currants set before her, and wasn't sure whether she wouldn't follow the instructions if it were.

"Small or large unmarked bills, and do you have any other requirements, Commander?"

Ambassador Strathfield gets a call on his earpiece.

"Strathfield. Yes? It did? It didn't. I see. Yeah, we'll try again later. Some coordinated efforts are necessary in this political environment, perhaps the time will be useful. Alright. Thanks."

Strathfield looks blearily at his briefcase for a moment, then heads to the bar and orders a pitcher of beer, returning with it to his table.

Hodz looked at Acquerello. "As for her, I've no idea."

"A woman as beautiful as that, and you don't know any gossip about her? Dr Hodz, you must be a most unusual UN rep," teased Dicey.

She was startled to see a strange expression cross the doctor's face. It was so quick she was half-convinced she'd imagined it, and she couldn't begin to guess the cause -- anything from indigestion to major tragedy, with an equal possibility that it was just because Neville hadn't refilled the peanuts. But she felt compelled to ask, "Dr Hodz, is there anything bothering you?"

"Madame President for Life!"

"Go awa -- I mean, yes, what is it?" Dicey snapped, annoyed at the interruption and further angered by that "President for Life" dig. The title still made her burn with resentment. It was damnably unfair; she hadn't deserved such harshness.

But the sight of Ace doing his perfect-assistant schtick was balm to the soul. So the distance spell had worked! It remained to be seen if it would last as long as she'd planned, but even this much success set off a lovely warm gloating inside ...

No it didn't. One didn't gloat over the Kennyites. One ... was kind to them, poor things. Dicey scrabbled back onto the Moral High Ground and pulled the ladder up after her.

"Of course I'd be happy to have a chat with young Sammy," she smiled, "though what there is to discuss in that latest farrago of nonsense I don't know. But he's a good conversationalist, so tell him to drop by any time. I'm usually here in the mornings; I always think that breakfast's the most important start of the day ... " her voice tailed off as she realised fuzzily that something about that sentence wasn't right. Goddess, that '98 was effective.

"As to my intern, I think Avaya should make up her own mind whether to meet a man who's so unromantic he has to send an offsider to organise his orgies. You'll have to clear that with her." She turned away to resume the conversation with Dr Hodz, but was interrupted by a whoop from Neville.

"Neville!" he greeted his former Godmoding victim. "The ambassador has something for you too!

The BarLord was holding up a pair of reflective orange lycra bike-pants. They had uncomfortable-looking lime green padding in areas that made Dicey glad she was female. Neville was ecstatic.

"Apology accepted, Ace!" he carolled. "And thank Ambassador Faisano, too -- I bet he's the one who told you about my new bike."

Dicey was awed by the depths of Kennyite evil.

Ardchoilleans;12936919']"A woman as beautiful as that, and you don't know any gossip about her? Dr Hodz, you must be a most unusual UN rep," teased Dicey.

"There's no such gossip, otherwise I'd know it."

She was startled to see a strange expression cross the doctor's face. It was so quick she was half-convinced she'd imagined it, and she couldn't begin to guess the cause -- anything from indigestion to major tragedy, with an equal possibility that it was just because Neville hadn't refilled the peanuts. But she felt compelled to ask, "Dr Hodz, is there anything bothering you?"

"Er... old memories, I guess. You wouldn't happen to be my presumably deceased wife, would you?"

"Uh ... not as far as I know. I don't think the dates would match up for reincarnation, and I'd definitely remember transmigration, so ... ah ... no."

Dicey was a little worried. Did Hodz go around looking for his dead wife in every woman he saw? Mental health was a more flexible concept in the UN than elsewhere, but this didn't sound good.

On the other hand, perhaps he was just trying to start one of those boozy discussions about religion. Well, she wasn't having any of that. Dicey preferred not to be closely observed by any aspect of any deity, and arguing about Them was bound to draw Their attention.

She replayed what Hodz had said. Ah, maybe she'd missed the point.

"Why do you say 'presumably', Dr Hodz? Don't you know whether or not your wife is dead?"

Richard suddenly looked over to Fiore who was sitting at his left and said "So, were have you been all this time, i haven't seen you in the GA or....anywhere for that matter since we entered the UN building."

Fiore looked a little tired now that he was sitting next to her and she replied "Well let's see, after we came in i needed to find a bathroom so asked the lady at the front desk who said it was in the bottom basement.

Believing her I went down there and i ran in to some floating miners hats near a very dug large hole, i walked a little farther and found a restroom that had a colony of sentient spiders that tried to eat me.

Then some gnomes rescued me and showed to the General Assemby which was quite empty.

Then I walked over to a strange machine and got throw out a window and landed in some hotel like 5 miles across town.
I went to the entrance and hailed a taxi whose Cab driver didn't understand English at all so i walked back to the headquarters, where i met some lovely dolphin's who cursed me out. By that time I found out where the bar was and sat next to you."

"heck of a time and now that i just though of something whats today?" said Richard


"Sunday, why?" asked Fiore

"Because with your timely arrival, i've decided to take my vacation."

"Your joking, right?"

"You wish, anyways you'll do fine i know it and with that..." said Richard, who waved good-bye to his fellow delegates and bar-denizens and walked out the door.

Fiore wasn't really sure what just happened and blinked for a minute after Richard had left "Whaaa?" And with her first act as acting UN Delegate she said "Bartender another drink, please.", chuckling to her self she said softly, "Just my luck."

Ardchoilleans;12938285']"Why do you say 'presumably', Dr Hodz? Don't you know whether or not your wife is dead?"

"No, I'm not sure. She disappeared years ago, and I'd been searching for her for a while. Eventually I found a file on my desk, which had an obituary for a woman matching my wife, except it was from a country I've never heard of."

Dr. Hodz sighed.

"Just a blurry memory at this point."

Ambassador Jawey walked into a bar. He then nearly walked out again.
Hissing to himself, he noted he'd never learn how this darned UN operated if he didn't watch and listen, so he chose an unobtrusive and, more importantly, unoccupied table, picked up a wine list, and studied the other occupants of the bar over the top.
"How can they allow all these different species mix?" he muttered to himself. "A bar for us and a bar for them...." A large glare settled over the wolf-things' direction as the most obvious example. Noting as well that the three barstaff seemed happy to serve anyone.

Wolfgang's nanoforce allowed him to see even with his eyes closed, feet propped up as they were, hands behind his head, and he did notice this new delegate and the look he got. Kyle and IX were off on a diplomatic visit, but he had remained behind to be the official ignorer of UN affairs. He turned his head straight towards the newcomer and then half-opened his eyes and lazily stared at him with a canid smirk tugging slightly at the corners of his mouth.

Sir Albert carefully tiptoed upto Wolfgang, "ere, lad, me lost ferret....it's on your head.........."

Wolfgang looked up with mild confusion. "Oh?"

The scorpius crawled into the bar on his four sharp claw tips. Scuttling up the wall and over to the bartender then falling from the celling onto a bar stoll. He then said "give me a Whiskey" and sat back to enjoy his drink but he could'nt get his points around it so he stabbed the counter with his arm and told the bartender to get him a straw.

With all the energy of a man who had just gotten his life back after four or five months, Sammy bounded into his favorite drinking joint, stopping short just beyond the entrance to scan the assembled coterie: sure enough, there his girl stood, close by her beloved mentor, her face uncovered but her beauteous womanly form still modestly draped in white, sipping a Diet Coke, her dark eyes twinkling. He beamed and raced for her, and must have given her quite a start indeed when he grasped her by the waist without warning and spun her around several times before finally returning her to the floor.

The couple greeted each other just like two schoolkids reuniting after a long vacation. "I'm so happy to see you!" Sammy said excitedly. "So how was your summer? Did you miss me? Did you get to do anything fun? Did you patch things up with your uncle?

"I got to help organize a race around the world!" he announced, without giving his companion a chance to get a word in edgewise. "I got to help negotiate an incident with Kawaiian refugees! And Cdr. Chiang says she's going to help investigate some Rubinan slut for Ambassador Talone! Isn't that funny?" He laughed, his eyes still dancing.

An expectant cough met the ambassador's expressed joy, and he turned, his eyes widening with bemusement at the spectacle awaiting him. There stood his best stoner-buddies, the lanky redhead and the stocky Latino, clean-shaven, donning business suits, their hair slicked back, hands-free devices sticking out of their ears, bearing clipboards.

"These require your immediate attention, Ambassador," one of them said.

Sammy giggled nervously. "Alright, guys, what are you up to?" he demanded.

"Up to?" the baffled ex-stoner returned. "You do understand the ramifications of diplomatic business when you are dispatched on the Federal Republic's behalf, do you not, Ambassador? Everything must be done by the book. Now can we have your signature on these documents, or must we inform the commander she will not be getting her summer bonus after all?"

"Uh, no, no," Sammy replied strangely. "She definitely deserves her bonus. Just ... uh ... meet me back in my office. I'll be up before long." He heaved a sigh as he watched them leave, then turned back to his formerly veiled friend. "And, apparently, I'll be taking Ace and Rico to see the UN medical examiner very soon," he added to his previously listed itinerary. "Provided they can get an appointment ahead of Dr. Hodz. It sounds like he needs some psychiatric attention too."

He smiled weakly. "I have some sad news, however," he said. "The State Department says they're reassigning me, so I will have to resign as UN ambassador before long."

Sir Albert put his finger to his mouth (well, being sozzled, up his left nostril, but close enough fopr Sir Albert) and made an innebriated 'shhh' noise to Wolfgang. Then he lept up and spectacularly missed the ferret which was balancing on top of the erstwhile guardian, and fell backwards over the bar, knocking Neville's toupee off with his flailing arms as he fought not to squash the other ferrets in his trousers.
Thankfully, the ferrets were ok, but the lost ferret by the name of Diceylass was now busy hiding in a pint glass in the dark recesses of the bar....

Wolfgang watched this happen, bemused. "Well, that was odd," he said to the ferret, then dropped his head back and closed his eyes again to relax. He let his computer-assisted mind wander, finding himself simultaneously laying in the thin layer of snow along a frozen beach, and smiled blissfully.

John seeing the ferrets, startled, accidently pushed himself over the bar and into the wine/beer cabinet, bringing several bottles down on him and the bartender, the bar tender slipped and fell on top of John and both blacked out.. The liquid covered them completely, the Calizorinstanian Cleaner attempted to move the bartender off of John and succeeded only to trip on a small trash can and brought more beers on top of John, and himself, he sputtering indignantly. He picked up John, put him back on the stool. He went to clean up the mess, forgetting to clean up John, and as he cleaned up, the stool fell forwards, and the unconscious John somehow grabbed the edge of the bar, and held..

Stepping over John, pausing only to wring some of the alcohol out of the prone ones clothing into his glass, Sir Albert deftly staggered across the bar in pursuit of the ferret.....

Muttering darkly, Neville extracted the unconscious Jimmy the casual barman from the mess, not caring that he probably inflicted a few more injuries in the process. The idiot should have rattled down the protective grid over the mirrored display at the first sign of mayhem -- you just can't get decent staff these days.

Parking the helper ungently on a handy stool and siccing Violet and her first-aid kit onto him and the comatose John, Neville turned to the really urgent matter that merited the undivided attention of a fully qualified BarLord. With a sigh of satisfaction, he logged into the Accounts file and started to add creatively vengeful items to Calizorinstan's expenses.

Dicey, hopefully seeing an opportunity to secure Sir Albert's devotion, tried to implant a "come to me" command in the chittering mind of the terrified ferret. In a way, it worked. The beastie, abandoning its refuge among the glasses (and setting off a minor avalanche among them as it did so), leapt back onto the bar and ran up the loose sleeve of her robe.

The average witch does not react well to the presence of a small beast with sharp claws and sharper teeth in close contact with vulnerable flesh. Dicey, however, was not the average witch. Calmly, and with only the barest minimum of bump, grind and boom-tish!, she began removing her clothes.

Violet, who had been reviving her patients with an indiscriminate blast from the soda-siphon, yelped a brief word of warning to the Scorpius -- after all, who knew what effect water would have on such a dry-land creature's wellbeing -- and sprang to Dicey's aid.

Ferrets get really annoyed about unplanned baths. Events unfolded apace ...

But none of this had any impact on Avaya, in whose world bluebirds and pink hearts circled her head while a knight clad in shining armour swept her off her feet.

"Oh, Sammy, I've missed you so," she murmured, snuggling confidingly against his manly chest. "Would you believe, dear one, I got a High Distinction on that essay you helped me with? And if I can keep a Distinction average, I'll be in the running for that visiting scholarship to ... WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

He smiled weakly. "I have some sad news, however," he said. "The State Department says they're reassigning me, so I will have to resign as UN ambassador before long."

O Goddess! To lose, not just a boyfriend, but also the best PolSci tutor she'd ever had! For free, too! And how could she get another, given that Mama and Uncle Phillippe were scarcely likely to fund one after she'd made clear she was on Dicey's side in the current political wrangle, and if she didn't have a tutor how could she win that scholarship to ...

"Uh ... where, exactly, are they sending you, dearest?"

Mickey Special enters the Strangers' Bar. He is incredibly drunk, even by his own standards. He has with him a monkey, a half-eaten whalesteak, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a Ouija Board.

He staggers aimlessly around the bar, tries to bum a cigarette from Sir Albert, falls down, gets up, finally settling at a table in the center of the room. The monkey climbs his back, using his long flowing mullet as a rope. The monkey then pees on his shoulder, screeches, and runs off in the direction of Sammy Faisano.

Mr. Special takes a swig of Jim Beam, chews on the whalesteak (which appears to be several days old) and places the Ouija Board on the table.

"Hey! Anybody wanna play some weeegie?"

He begins trying to sing "Ninety-Nine Bottles Of Beer" to the tune of Deep Purple's "Highway Star".

Ardchoilleans;12957647']O Goddess! To lose, not just a boyfriend, but also the best PolSci tutor she'd ever had! For free, too! And how could she get another, given that Mama and Uncle Phillippe were scarcely likely to fund one after she'd made clear she was on Dicey's side in the current political wrangle, and if she didn't have a tutor how could she win that scholarship to ...

"Uh ... where, exactly, are they sending you, dearest?""Well," Sammy laughed nervously as he led her toward the bar, "that's part of the surprise, actually. Our ambassador at one one of our more important embassies is announcing her retirement, and God knows she deserves it. You know, Mrs.--"

He screamed somewhat as the crazy monkey landed on his shoulder, and started to do what resembled a sort of drunken jig, before shrieking excitedly and clawing at his face. It darted off him and scampered down the bar, continuing the terrorize the other patrons.

"Uhh, remind me to order my new friend a drink," he quipped as he clutched his cheek, recovering from the shock. "Er, anyway, as I was saying, Mrs.-- Mrs. Radey!" His eyes were fixed on a spot just over Avaya's shoulder now; behind her the crowd was parting to let through a doddering old woman clutching a rather large handbag.

"Mr. Faisano!" she cried. "We meet at last! I've seen and heard so much about you in Ardchoille! Your face appears on the tabloids nearly every day! Oh, you're so much handsomer in person; I'm so glad they've found such a strapping young lad to replace me in Ardrigh." For a rare moment, Mrs. Radey was speechless, as she seemed to savor her successor's very impressive appearance.

Sammy turned to Avaya with an apprehensive smile. "Yes," he admitted. "I've been nominated as ambassador to Ardchoille." He turned back to their guest. "Mrs. Radey, have you met--?"

"Avaya Thibaudet!" the woman gasped, not needing any introduction. "You are an angel, aren't you? And quite the talk in Ardrigh, too, I must say! The two of you are really quite famous, like celebrities! Congratulations on your engagement, by the way! You must be so excited!"

"Heh, heh." Sammy was looking down at the floor, clutching the back of his head. "Yeah, the thing about that; we're not actually -- I mean, I don't think--" Desperately he looked at Avaya for support, but she looked somewhat flummoxed as well.

"Although," Radey continued as if there had been no interruption, "it is a bit presumptuous walking around in that, wouldn't you say? I mean, I know most girls simply can't wait--"

"They're traditional robes, not a wedding gown," Sammy corrected her. The shimmering white drapes Avaya was wearing rustled silently as she drew closer to the boy, as though frightened of the strange new woman.

"Oh," Radey said softly, looking somewhat defeated. "Oh, well, you know, I was just saying--"

"By the way, Avaya, I'm sure you know, this is June Radey. She's our current ambassador to your nation. What brings you to the Strangers' Bar, Mrs. Radey?" He raised his voice to the older woman, like she was senile or something.

"Oh, yes, I'm here to conduct some last-minute business with President Reilly," she said. "Just a small matter, nothing to concern yourself over." She laughed nervously. "But you know, I already told you, I'll be leaving office soon, so I can't wait to get this all over with. Nope, for me, it'll be back to Paradise City, back to attending boring state dinners and embarrassing President Fernanda. How is he lately? Have you heard?"

"I try not to," Sammy said dryly. "Ms. Reilly's right over there, by the way, if you want to talk to her." He pointed down the bar.

"Oh, indeed she is!" Radey said. "And looking slightly ... underdressed, I must say." She turned back to Sammy and Avaya, looking somewhat confused. "Is it very warm in here?" she asked.

Ambassador Strathfield slips out of the bar, heading to the General Assembly.

A pale-skinned man steps from the shadows, blocking Strathfield's exit. "Mr. Ambassador," the man says smoothly, "I don't think you should be leaving so soon. Ambassador Vel would like to have a word with you."

His right hand toying with the hilt of a Tekh'la blade, the man gives a slight nod to Ailyn Vel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Ailyn.jpg), who is seated at the end of the bar, enjoying a mug of Corellian ale. She lifts her gaze to catch Strathfield's eye and gives him a wink.

Fiore was sipping her drink and then she looked at the entrance where a man that had been carrying a sword minutes ago was changing. It started to glow and change

"Whoa what's happening over there?" she asked no in particular

Strathfield stops, setting his briefcase briefly on the floor, and smiles pleasantly, if uncomfortably, at the man from the shadows. He looks over to Ambassador Vel bemusedly.

"Alright. Always a pleasure to meet a... diplomat."

Strathfield hefts his briefcase again, walks to the bar--a spot between his shoulder blades twitching involuntarily as he turns his back on the man with the sword--and sits carefully next to Ailyn Vel. He extends a hand.

"Hello there. I'm Ambassador Biddulph Strathfield, from Twafflonia."

Strathfield manages to catch the bartender's eye and orders himself an Old Fashioned before turning back to the Vandalorian Ambassador expectantly.

Fiore was kinda bored, she hadn't really talked to anyone since she entered the bar. She noticed the Twafflonian Ambassador had been trying to get the Vandalorian Ambassador attention.

"Well, i could at least introduce myself." she thought

she turned to him and said, "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Fiore."

Ambassador Strathfield turns to the new speaker and smiles.

Hi there. It's a pleasure to meet you; I'm Biddulph Strathfield--in case you missed my introduction to the esteemed Ambassador Vel. I represent Twafflonia.

"Hi Biddulph, so what brings you to the Bar?"

Strathfield's smile broadens.

"Drinking, of course."

He raises his cocktail in a mock toast before taking a sip. His face then turns a bit more serious.

"And business, too, of course. ...Where are you from, Fiore? If you don't mind my asking, that is."

Neville served the Twafflonian absent-mindedly, his attention being divided between Dicey's strip -- not a striptease, as such, but intriguing nonetheless -- and what was happening to the sword of the man in the doorway. Was the Acme Weapons Transmogrifier still morphing weapons into lollies, or had it come up with something else?

Ah, the sword had turned into a stick of licorice ... no, wait, it moved ...

"Snakes in the Bar!" Neville announced happily.

He was still beaming at the assembled customers when a streak of amber fur leapt, teeth bared, at the visitor's hand.

"Well, I'm ferret-free, at least," said Dicey, disappointedly resuming her garments -- a state of affairs that made matters much easier for the two folk plucking at her sleeve.

One of these being the monkey, she cradled it soothingly. "Poor wee beastie!" she crooned, stroking it as she turned to her gibbering intern.

She noted with some surprise that the other sleeve-plucker, Avaya, was scrabbling through the makeup case she had begun to carry and drawing a blue pentagram with her eyeshadow on Sammy's forehead.

"You remember our Kennyite ambassador, Mrs Radey, don't you, Dicey?" the girl said nervously, finishing Sammy's decoration and beginning another on her own face.

"Well, of course!" Dicey said warmly, wondering what the kid was up to. The blue pentagram was the Ardchoillean equivalent of "Stop, drop 'n' roll" or "Ask a policeman" -- one of those protective measures that children were taught at a very early age. Adults always smiled to see little witches and wizards trotting off to kindergarten with their blue crayons pinned to their robes.

Judging by Avaya's urgent gestures she seemed to think Dicey should do the same. Well, a little protection never hurt anyone. With a blink, Dicey visualised the symbol into being -- invisibly, though; as anyone familiar with her career would know, Dicey was not fond of blatant display.

"And what brings you here, Mrs Radey? Will you join me?" She signalled smoothly to Neville and swept to a more secluded spot, confident that the BarLord would meet their alcoholic needs.

Avaya stood open-mouthed. Why was Dicey so calm? Hadn't she heard the terrible -- no, wonderful -- news about Sammy? Terrible that he wouldn't be in the UN every day, but wonderful that he would be in Ardchoille; she so looked forward to showing him all the nation's beauty spots and other points of interest. Maybe she could even smuggle him in to watch change-shift time for the relays of witches and wizards who toiled at the mandatory civic duty of maintaining the Magical Shield ...

Like a good girl, however, she interrupted her sweet musings to say a Thank-you to the Goddess for rescuing her from Mrs Radey.

Luckily Sir Albert heard Dicey proclaim herself ferret free just in time. 'by eck that could have been embarrasing' thought the permanently sozzled one....

"So nice to see you again, President Reilly," Mrs. Radey intoned as she offered her hand. "And congratulations once again on your promotion!" she added innocently, as Avaya and Sammy both began coughing at once, and Dicey seemed to flash her guest a look of resentment. Bless her heart, even after having spent two years in Ardchoille, Mrs. Radey remained blissfully ignorant of many Ardchoillean customs, including common judicial practices.

"And you're not the only one with a new job!" Radey continued, impervious to her companions' sudden fits of discomfort. "Young Sammy here is set to replace me as ambassador to your nation! I am to retire before long, you know ... oh, don't look sorry for me, Madame President! Two years is long enough for anyone, especially a tired old thing like me. I'm getting homesick, and would very much like to be with my family before I die. Good Lord! Has it been two years already?! How time flies! I was just telling my secretary Mildred how only yesterday President Fernanda inexplicably forced me into exile ..."

Standing beside her, Sammy cleared his throat rudely. Radey chuckled nervously; Dicey may have noticed that the elderly envoy's usual happy-do-lucky demeanor was laced with a certain level of apprehension. "Oh, listen to me go on!" Radey said. "Of course I would love to join you, Ms. Reilly, and a moment of privacy, if you don't mind ..." She glared most uncharacteristically at the boy -- who up to that moment had been silently wondering what had possessed Avaya to graffiti his forehead and hers with a satanic symbol. He quickly took the old lady's hint and excused himself, leading Avaya aside for the moment. Radey watched them go with a false grin etched on her face; it vanished the moment its owner assumed they were safe.

"Your assistant was wise to draw up the protective symbols, Ms. Reilly," Radey said, the sudden gravity in her voice setting a rather ominous tone for their conference. "I am not here today on behalf of my government, but for a group of ... dangerous people in my nation who recently snuck into Ardchoille disguised as hippies. They told me they belong a to militant wing of an Xt'Tapolopaquetl liberation movement, and they are threatening me with unimaginable horrors unless I can put them in touch with a rogue group in Findhorn. Oh, they are awful people, Ms. Reilly! These Xt'Tap militants ... simply awful! Some say they are the ones who tortured Manuelo Fernanda into madness right before he took office -- you know, because something has to account for the way he is; no one could be that batty all on his own--"

The woman reacted to (what could have been) an impatient glance from Dicey. "The point is, Ms. Reilly, one of their beloved native brothers passed on earlier this year, and they want him back, and they thought with my position in Ardchoille I'd be best-equipped to locate a Findhornian cell." She lowered her voice and whispered hoarsely, "They heard about one of them performing that ... that ... unthinkable act on Granny Dhurigh, and they want them to do the same for their dead leader. It's horrible, Ms. Reilly! Horrible! And I thought that you, being a sort of ... rebel in your nation ... might be able to put these men in touch with a rogue element in Findhorn ... ?"

Mere steps away, the atmosphere was much more relaxed, with Avaya busy peppering her man with questions about his new assignment, when he was supposed to leave, whether he'd packed yet, if he was bringing his "assistants" with him, if he needed a travel companion. The ambassador met these eager inquiries with a smile. "See, that's the thing," he told her. "I'll of course be spending some time in Ardchoille, but since a lot of your nation's business seems to be conducted here in the bar, I'll naturally be here a lot of the time. I even asked if I could keep my office downstairs, since we're not really sure if my successor is going to need it much, and they said yes!"

Avaya looked ready to burst with happiness. "Oh Sammy!" she cried, her eyes watering as she threw herself once again into her boyfriend's arms. After a moment they parted, gazing into each other's eyes, Avaya fantasizing about the lengths to which her man had gone -- the begging, the dealmaking, the calling in favors, the weeping, the pleading -- to make sure he would not be parted from his love -- and Sammy pondering what subtle hints he could drop so they could go somewhere and make out.

The fleeing ferret fiasco was quite enough to get Leetha motivated to leave, but when she saw the New Vandalian's bodyguard attempt to draw a weapon--and "attempt" was a most appropriate choice of wording, Leetha sniggered to herself--she decided to make use of the distraction created by Faisano's (and that dreadful old woman, oh my) return. Turning to Cdr. Chiang...

"I believe our business is completed for the time being. I'm fairly easily found should you be able to produce anything of interest."

She leaned over and kissed the attaché full on the mouth. And with that, turned and walked out of the bar thinking, "that should give her something to think about."

The doors to the bar swung open rather dramatically as Cdr. Chiang entered, wearing her usual leather corset and pants. She stood at the entrance for a few moments, seeking out the Genoshan Isles' Brigadier Diegaus. She thought she found him at the counter (and it must have been him, for the moderators' word is law) and as she sauntered toward him, she turned to Leetha and dealt her a most conspiratorial wink.

"An Arrogant Bastard Ale for my buddy here, Neville," Chiang said as she grabbed the stool next to whom she assumed was the Genoshan. (It was rather dank in the bar.) "Well, how 'bout it, Diegaus?" she asked. "We are here under orders (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12971490&postcount=170) from the Secretariat; might as well make an attempt to enjoy each others' company."

She glanced down the bar. "Speaking of the Secretariat, there's our Dicey now, chatting with Mrs. Radey, and looking in a state of suspended animation! Wanna have a little fun? I hear Ms. Reilly doesn't like having critters crawl on her body ... makes her shed her clothes!"

She started making kissing noises at the monkey still scampering about the bar. "Wanna go visit Ms. Reilly again, huh? You gotta be a bit more obnoxious and ... clawing this time, though. Can you do that?" The monkey chirped with what sounded like compliance.

"We'll show that fuckin' cun--" she muttered under her breath, before remembering herself.

"I'm sorry," she said to the Genoshan. "Am I allowed to swear here?" She smiled.

Strathfield's smile broadens.

"Drinking, of course."

He raises his cocktail in a mock toast before taking a sip. His face then turns a bit more serious.

"And business, too, of course. ...Where are you from, Fiore? If you don't mind my asking, that is."

"Oh i don't mind at all, i'm the Deputy UN Ambassador for Cookesland. Although I'm currently serving as acting Delegate until Richard York gets back from his vacation."

takes a sip of her drink

"We'll show that fuckin' cun--" she muttered under her breath, before remembering herself.

"I'm sorry," she said to the Genoshan. "Am I allowed to swear here?" She smiled.

"Go for it!" Bob called out from across the room. "I love it when you talk dirty, Rawr."

" ... Am I allowed to swear here?" She smiled.

"Arrogant Bastards!" said Neville, delivering the order. "Don't worry, Commander, we sent the purity-of-language gizmo back to Acme. It just wasn't fair on the naval dolphins."

Dicey, untroubled by such concerns (her natural virtue, wide vocabulary, excellent upbringing and deep respect for others preventing her from swearing even once, at all, ever -- except when the occasion warranted it, of course), was working on perfecting one of the basic diplomatic skills: snatching a few moments' sleep while maintaining eye contact. However, Mrs Radey's words cut into her trance:
And I thought that you, being a sort of ... rebel in your nation ... might be able to put these men in touch with a rogue element in Findhorn ... ?"
'Rebel in your nation'? Goddess, if even the Kennyite intelligence service had picked up on that, she'd better get things moving before the Oldest Coven woke up ...

"There are no rogue elements in Findhorn," she said aloud. "Findhorn is a nation of happy people and happy goats, frolicking in mid-19th century innocence in the verdant pastures. The business with Granny Dhurigh was just a bit of adolescent high spirits, I assure you. Why, any strangers on Findhorn would be noticed at once. In fact, I can tell you quite definitely that the only non-Findhornians on the island at the moment are a group of foreign students from the Nocturne Academy of the Dark Arts (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12643140#post12643140) who arrived one day a couple of months ago to do work experience."

She smiled guilelessly at the Kennyite ambassador. "They're observing Malkie Mackie's goat-rearing techniques, and they've been very devoted. Why, the only time they take a break is 5pm every afternoon, when they all congregate in the saloon bar of the Happy Goatherd -- third table on the right as you go in -- and sing mournful songs of exile from their beloved academy. You can recognise them instantly by the berets or quaint red bandanas, the terrible teenage beards and the camo couture."

She cast a speculative eye on her companion to see if the old girl was getting it. "All you have to do to make their acquaintance is show that you share their love for music. F'rinstance, if you say 'The red bird has flown from the high mountain,' they'll all join in the chorus of that famous old song and tell you anything you want to know, introduce you to their friends, open their hearts and wallets to you, teach you their esoteric and possibly dangerous foreign skills ...

"I do hope your Xt'Tapolopaquetl liberation movement people don't get mixed up with them, though. It could be terrible, the effect fanatics could have on those young, impressionable minds."

Knowing several of the young, impressionable minds in question, Dicey felt a faint quiver of compunction, but suppressed it. Provided the Xt'Tapolopaquetl liberation-ists were very, very careful, they'd probably survive the encounter with the students.

Whether Mrs Radey would survive much longer was questionable, however. The poor woman was obviously coming apart at the seams. And the Xt'Tapolopaquetlians didn't always play nice ... Dicey stood up.

"Mrs Radey, after such successful service to our two nations as you've given, we'd be honoured if you'd accept the, uh, the ... Order of the EvenStar. Of course we'll have a more formal presentation, but I just thought, as you're here now ..." Babbling on, Dicey swiftly pinned a tiny sapphire star-shape on the older woman's lapel. Of course, the Goddess helps those who help themselves, so ...

Bast, have we got any Kittens on duty?

Sure, why?

Get one who can stay morphed small-size for long stretches. I want the old Kennyite ambassador -- Mrs Radey -- to be adopted by an ordinary little stray cat on the way home. The minute she leaves the Bar. We're going to be looking after her welfare for a while.

"Oh i don't mind at all, i'm the Deputy UN Ambassador for Cookesland. Although I'm currently serving as acting Delegate until Richard York gets back from his vacation."

takes a sip of her drink

"Ah yes, Ambassador York... I had the pleasure of hearing his views on a resolution before the General Assembly. ...The Labor Relations Act, if I recall correctly."

Strathfield sips his own drink and smiles at her.

"Well, congratulations on the promotion, even if it's only temporary. ....I'll drink to that."

*Enters the bar*
"Finally a place to relax."
"I wonder if this bar has a place to stay for a couple of days."
*Calls for a cup of tea*

Dr. Hodz wakes up, having fallen asleep for a week or so.

He is rather alarmed by ferrets and does his best to avoid them.

A somber look crosses his face as he remembers what he was doing before he fell asleep. Hodz's computer pings, informing him of a new message. Hodz walks over to his computer and reads the message.

"News - Akimonad has departed Antarctic Oasis due to a variety of reasons."

Dr. Hodz, shocked somewhat, orders an alcoholic beverage. All his friends, gone. No, wait. He didn't really have any "friends" per se. Oh well. Time to move on.

Mickey Special wallows in a puddle of beer. Slowly, he comes to his senses and notices that the monkey and ferret are both humping his leg. He grabs the monkey by the scruff of its neck and places it in the chair opposite him. A ouija board is on the table between them. He ignores the ferret, which continues its copulatory activities.

"Awright Angus, it's time to consult the we-gee board."

He produces a planchette and places it on the board. The monkey screeches and puts its little paws lightly on the planchette. Mickey Special touches the opposite side with his fingertips.

"We-Gee, how can I get laid more?"

The planchette moves slowly around the board, spelling out the words 'D-E-F-E-N-E-S-T-R-A-T-E P-U-T-Z-I'.

"Defertrinante Putzi? What the fuck?"

"We-Gee, how do I get free beer?"

Again, the planchette begins to move and spells 'D-E-F-E-N-E-S-T-R-A-T-E P-U-T-Z-I'.

"Huh?"

"Shit! This thing is defective or somethin'. We-Gee, who stole that bag of weed from me last week?"

The planchette remains still for several seconds and then spells 'T-H-R-O-W T-H-E R-E-P-R-E-S-E-N-T-A-T-I-V-E F-R-O-M P-U-T-Z-I O-U-T T-H-E W-I-N-D-O-W I-D-I-O-T.

Slowly it begins to sink in.

"Oh wow! That dude from Putzi stole my weed!"

Mickey Special attempts to spring to his feet, but falls over in his chair instead. He gets up, sways, and takes off in the direction of the General Assembly Hall.

A Robotic Destructor Bunny™ walks over, sets the chair back up and hops into it. The Bunny and the monkey place their paws on the planchette. The Bunny looks quizzically at the ouija board and says "CAG?".

"Tea-time!"

Smiling widely on the delegate from Natdogg1, who had accidentally reminded him how long it was since there'd been any heavy tea-drinking going on in the Bar, Neville spread a white linen tablecloth with a flourish and proceeded to decorate it with scones, jam, cream, silver teaspoons, pearl-handled butter knives, various petits gateaux, brandy snaps and all number of innocent goodies.

Violet graciously played Mother behind a giant silver teapot, distributing fragile china cups and translucent saucers with a tinkling laugh and offering Lapsang Souchong to those who failed to appreciate the subtleties of Earl Grey.

Such niceties weren't part of the Bar's usual service, but Neville was just a little worried about the success of that sleazy downtown dive (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=533873) on Planet 098.

Jandek Sladgrov, Ambassador for the tiny soviet sattelite of The People's Republic of Staffsilvania, wanders in and dawdles over to the bar. He takes up and empty stool down at the far end of the bar and takes a moment to mop the sweat from his brow and greying temples with the cuff of his cheap, ill fitting, blue suit jacket. He nods, tired and world weary, in the direction of the bar tender and in slow, deep, Boris Yeltsin English mumbles

Vodka... please... uhm...

He momentarily fumbles in his jacket pocket before producing a crumpled, sweat stained twenty dollar bill, which he attempts to flatten out before placing the note on the counter. He waves his hand at the money before again mumbling

Vodka...

Jawey suddenly stirred. His study of the bar had caused him to miss two votes already and this 'Family Planning' Resolution threatened the moral fibre of the territories. Fortunately it would be easy enough to supply lots of leaflets and neglect to provide any actual services. Secret funding to the religious activists would have to be recommended to the council he noted down.

Remembering that usually people drank in bars and that wolfish smirk playing on the back of his mind Jawey beckoned the barmaid over, "a bottle of full-bodied red please. If you have any with hints of chocolate in I'd be grateful." As one of the few exports from Gaffa, Jawey had made sure he'd become a bit of a wine snob.
The fact that the bar had turned into a rather refined afternoon tea room despite rampaging ferrets and monkeys was not lost upon him. "Sodding imperalists" he muttered to himself.

Dr. Hodz sat and pondered why he hadn't yet been invited to that prestigious institution (http://z6.invisionfree.com/UN_Old_Guard/index.php?) he kept hearing so much about.

Having done the decent and acceptable behavior of eavesdropping, Jawey did some research on his laptop on this 'UNOG'. "Hmph. Looks like a lot of old stooges who now and again get out their walking sticks and wave their newspapers in the air to say 'look at this!'." Eyeing the Baghumian ambassador he added "and being sober is obviously not a requirement. Not even on your birthday."

Deciding that a bit of palm greasing of what could pass as an authority never harmed anyone Jawey slipped a note to that Neville guy that Baghum could have one of those blue drinks on the Gaffan tab.

The Guardian trio, who'd managed to vanish unseen, reentered and comandeered a table.

"So much for Pathos," Wolfgang said.

"Indeed," IX stated as he holographed up a drink for his avatar.

Kyle simply nodded, lost in thought as he continued going over quantum mechanics in his nanosystem, idly sipping the glass of chocolate milk that had spontaneously appeared after he'd calculated the probability that it wouldn't and gave the finite probability generator a nice hot cup of joe. The astute and not-too-drunk would notice that he was considerably taller than last time he'd been here, as he was now about 5'10". It'd only be a few months before he'd be taller than Wolfgang. He electronically conveyed this thought to his pseudo-uncle.

Damn six year olds, Wolfgang thought back. "Everyone having fun?" he asked Everyone.

The promise of free drink caused Sir Albert to suddenly appear from under a table, with the unfortunate outcome of letting the ferret wander the bar unchased.

'UNOG eh, ah've heard of them, they've got a bar you know, ah reckon you HAVE to be drinking to be let in as a pre-requisite, can't be any other reason Bahgum was let in, unless harassing the boredom brigade counts, but been too sozzled to do that lately'.

The door swung opena (as it often does in such posts), and entering the bar were three figures, as if they had exited a poorly-constructed Quentin Tarantino film, pausing briefly in pose before moving to an unoccupied end of the bar.

The three figures revelead themselves to be a rather patrician-looking gentleman with a pair of pince-nez perched on his nose (seeming in danger of sliding off at any minute), a dour man with a curled moustache and a military coat, and a pleasantly plump woman in a swimmingly obfuscating nun's habit, the reason being that she is an actual nun.

All who were in the bar would behold the higher-ups of the Snefaldian UN Office, just in from Sargedain: Ambassador Shandreth, General Grakht, and Mother Superior Cargaminh.

Shandreth, adjusting his pince nez, pointed his finger straight up and called in the general direction of a barman.

"Benedictine. The gentleman will have a Weizenbock, and the lady will have Early Grey tea with a twist of lemon."

The nun looked offended. "I am allowed to drink, Harmalan. Vows of chastity don't include teetotalling."

"Apologies, Mother Superior. What will you have?"

She looked offended again. "Early Grey is quite alright. Seriously, Harmalan, has that sorcery of yours addled your brain?"

Adjusting his pince nez, Harmalan Shandreth sighed and slumped on his stool. Grakht chuckled. "Drink up, Harm. Your first day outside of Snefaldia and the watch of the Bel, and you've already offended your second. We might as well start a tab."

The nun snorted and scoffed at the same time, and nearly choked when her indignation went down the wrong tube.

Shandreth wove his fingers in and out. "Yes, yes. I'm sure the Bel isn't watching at all. You're lucky I'm the official Aatem Nal handler; half of the things I find tolerable would be flogging offenses in Isaardlang."

Grakht chuckled again. "Well, from the looks of that Chinese woman, the witch, and that garish shrine in the corner, we're in for a live-action soap opera 24/7!"

Prince Rhodri made his way wearily into the bar behind the Snefaldian trio, not trying for inconspicuousness but achieving it anyway. His royal cousin's mandatory family retreats tended to have that effect, particularly when Llywellyn opted for Old Druidical forms. Most of the rest of the family did not appreciate being exposed to the great outdoors for a week, and were not shy about letting anyone know. Under those circumstances, Rhodri classed keeping out of the way as a survival skill.

In any case, he thought, it had been far too long since he had had the opportunity to relax in the quiet calm of Neville's estab--

A ferret whizzed past him at about nose height. The spilled sugar basin and small, sticky footprints in a nearby tea service told all of the story that he wanted to know.

"A pint of porter, please," he asked the duty barman, someone who looked almost but not quite completely unlike the person he was expecting. "What happened to Jimmy?"

Accelerus Dioce stomped into the bar, looking for something to start his day off right. He ordered a Supercarious Special, presuming that the Barlord would figure it out, given his apparent omniscience concerning drinks.

His stool at the bar wasn't particularly comfortable, but he figured that as old as he was he wouldn't be all that comfortable regardless of seating arrangements. And it had the added bonus of keeping him alert so that Meritania couldn't sneak up on him and try giving him serious responsibilities.

Jandek sits uneasily at the bar; a man of his girth is ill suited to barstools and years of alcoholism have done terrible things to his sense of balance. His drink arrives and he nurses it a moment before downing it in one great gulp and signalling for another. At this point he becomes aware of the ferret, that has stopped runnung about, pausing to sniff at the dense cloud of vodaka stench surrounding the portly middle-aged gentleman. He pets the creature as one would a cat.

You are a marvellous, pointy rodent... My uncle Yuri... *hiccup* My uncle Yuri used to use you little fellows to catch hares and rabbits who would steal the food of his goats... he would make a lovely stew... *hiccup*

A stickler for politeness, drunk though he was, Jandek felt someone should respond to Wolfgang's question to Everyone.

Yes Comrade, for there is much fun to be had. The is good drink, and such lively ferrets... and if we are lucky the lady may undress again.

He downs his second drink, which has just arrived, and returns to the business of ferret petting.

Yes... *hiccup* You are a lovely creature... I think... *hiccup* I think I shall call you Yuri...

Ardchoilleans;12990940']"Tea-time!"

Violet graciously played Mother behind a giant silver teapot, distributing fragile china cups and translucent saucers with a tinkling laugh and offering Lapsang Souchong to those who failed to appreciate the subtleties of Earl Grey.

"Earl Grey will be fine, dear lady," remarked a voice from above what had previously seemed to be an empty seat. "Ah, this takes me back: if only my old friend Hatta could be here. Oh. I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet." (A wabbitish figure -- dressed in tweeds, in what looked like a rather 'Victorian' style -- briefly became visible, at least to Violet, and bowed politely in her direction as well as he could whilst sitting down....) "Hara, diplomatic messenger, currently working for the Invisible Wabbits. Tell me, pray, from what Reality -- or Unreality, or even Surreality -- do you hail?"

Having been sent to the GA Jawey's bodydouble poked his head around the door and beckoned Jawey over. "So how was it?"
"I talked in the Media topic as you told me to, but I struggled to be heard. It seems my mike is on a delay to everyone else's and no-one listened."
Jawey hmmed. "But I made sure you had the level 10 clearance."
"I was only lvl 6 when I first tried. The second time, I dunno...it still was laggy."
"Odd, well I'll see what I can do from here. Go back to the GA."
"Yessir."

Jawey went back to his armchair to find the wolf-crew back again. And teacups floating in mid-air.
He looked at his bottle of wine...he hadn't had too much of it yet had he?

Dr. Hodz was fiddling with a strange contraption. It looked like a handgun, only it had a small satellite dish type thing on the front of it. The dish was flanked by three small antennas, poking up from behind the dish.

Dr. Hodz grabbed a screwdriver and tightened the last antenna into place. Unfortunately, when this happened, the gun shot a crackling blue beam right into Violet.

"Ooh. Damn." said Hodz, slightly cringing.

"She'll be alright. Only she'll feel completely drunk for a good three hours. That's what this gun is supposed to do."

Dr. Hodz sat back down, at whatever table he was at. He didn't really know, but suspected it was the Guardians' table, judging by their presence.

Dr. Hodz thought that there ought to be one big table, where all the regulars could sit at and drink and be merry.

Sen. Sulla looks at the table with all the tea fixings and visibly(and violently) shudders. *SHUDDER!!!!*

"Damn, now the lovebirds might return. Tea being served in a bar is un-natural and against all thing good and decent in the world", he thought.

Then the good but slightly unwholesome Senator, motions to one of the wait-staff and says,
"Another drink, please and keep them coming."

"Whiskey, Rye or Scotch?", asked the lady.

"Yes.", answered Sen. Sulla

(OOC: some days there is a little Dave Allen in all of us):D

The nun shot a glance at Senator Sulla that would have made even the hardiest manly-man cringe and beg the forgiveness of god. She was, after all, a Catholic nun, and had been instructed in the Thousands Ways of Westcott Punishment. That was enough to bring strong men to their knees, and Mothers In Law to nod in approval.

the Invisible Wabbit, which might or might not have been visible to Mother Superior Cargaminh, recieved a glance of a far lower intensity.

"My colleagues and I are from the Centralized Mountain States of Snefaldia. Snefaldia is a beautiful country, and it by the blessing of the Lord Go-"

Grakht cut her off. "A small, nearly landlocked country surround on four sides by mountain ranges, bisected diagonally by a large river which empties into the only seaport bay. Climates are tropical, temperate, desert, and tundric."

Shandreth laughed as he sipped his brandy.

Dr. Hodz sat back down, at whatever table he was at. He didn't really know, but suspected it was the Guardians' table, judging by their presence.

Dr. Hodz thought that there ought to be one big table, where all the regulars could sit at and drink and be merry.

"Greetings, Doctor Hodz of Akimonad," IX said in his double-voice as the others nodded.

"Tinkering with people's synapses, Doctor?" Wolfgang asked as he calculated the way to reverse the odd weapon the man had fired without even thinking about it.

"I though weapons turned into something else if you brought them into the bar." asked Fiore to Dr. Hodz

"I though weapons turned into something else if you brought them into the bar." asked Fiore to Dr. Hodz

"It's nonlethal, and it's not really a weapon."

Sir Albert staggered up and looked in blurry visioned awe at Jandek stroking the errant ferret 'by the Gods...a ferret whisperer..', his addled brain musing over the tips he could glean for the forthcoming world trouser ferreting championships.

Meanwhile the grand high mother in law of Bahgum was cackling away in the back of the bar, merrily swapping notes with Mother Superior Cargaminh, in a truly terror inspiring example of international co-operation.

A rather tall severe looking blonde woman dressed in a floor length blue dress wanders in and looks around.
"So this is the bar I've heard so much about. Well I don't suppose a drink or two would hurt now that I resubmitted that proposal....Silly clerical errors."

She looks around curiously at the rather odd mix of people. Nodding in a polite way she settles into a table pondering her drink order.

With the Mother Superior conspiring to commit International Nagging & Wrist-Slapping , Shandreth and Grakht were left to their alcohol. Grakht noticed the Prince Rhodri nursing his glass of porter.

"I say, you enjoy a good glass of stout? One of the best you can try, in my humble opinion, comes out of Renge in my home country. Wermus Grakht, Snefaldian UN Office." he proffered his hand to the Gobbanean royal.

Accelerus noticed the tall blonde lady enter the room, and was glad to see her. At least she wasn't Meritania. Unfortunately, it wasn't his wife Dahlia either. He missed meeting his wife here, in the place where they first met.

He decided that a few shots of tequila were in order, so he asked the bartender for seven of them. First, he toasted to the Engine That Drives the Universe, and then to love, which was not something he would have toasted to before Dahlia. He didn't waste his breath on trying to toast to anything greater than love, and downed the last five shots quickly.

With his companion engaged, Shandreth turned to the side, beholding Accelerus Dioce imbibing huge quantities of tequila. Adjusting his pince nez, he half-smirked, saying-

"The fermented liquor of the blue agave plant... can cause extreme intoxication. Of course, for those who experience has made strong, it can be like drinking water."

He did not say that the first half of his little speech was a quotation from a textbook he had memorized on alcohols when he was 15. Arsathaes were notoriously bookish.

OOC: *trips Gaffa Territories with walking stick, beats with rolled-up newspaper*

*leers evilly at Akimonad, exposing yellowed false teeth, skull beneath the skin, myriad wrinkles, jutting moles, sparse locks of hair. Offers gingerbread. Cackles insanely.*

IC: The almost-sight of the Invisible tweed-clad Wabbit enchanted Violet. "Tenniel!" she cried, irresistibly reminded of the Alice in Wonderland illustrations. Much could have developed, had she not been hit in the chest by Dr Hodz's dish-contraption.

Fortunately, the thought of feeling drunk for the next three hours fazed her not at all. She was, after all, a student, even if only part-time. The only visible effect was to return her to her acerbic self, subduing the polite Lady of the Manor persona who had been daintily pouring tea.

"Hodz indeed!" she snorted, skewering her assailant with a glare. "So why has Mme Vermithrax suddenly started calling you 'Dr Hotz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12944115&postcount=8)', hmmmm, Hottie? Any little thing you'd like to tell us?"

Having successfully set that nag of gossip galloping, she turned to Accelerus Dioce and whipped away the remaining tequila, substituting a brimming and sugar-laden cuppa. "Dahlia would want me to do this, I'm sure," she assured him righteously. "We want to keep you with us for a few more years, Ambassador. And Sir Albert, now that the nice man's got Diceylass subdued, will you kindly take the little beast OUT!"

Dicey Reilly perked up; was somebody finally going to help her capture Sir Albert's affections? But no, it was the damned ferret that Violet wanted Sir Albert to take out, not Dicey herself. Sulkily, she resumed brooding over her wrongs.

However, the thought that when Sammy Faisano finally condescended to show up to present his so-called diplomatic credentials (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12980831&postcount=208), he would find Ardchoille's leader alone, unallied, friendless ... she sniffled slightly ... decided her to move in on one of the larger groups. Or, failing that, create a larger group.

"Ever played Twister?" she asked the nearby Mother Superior.

Mother Mirrim of Findhorn, Dicey knew, loved nothing better than a rousing bout of the joyfully silly game; surely, then, all other Mothers Superior would feel the same way?

A middle-aged man staggered out of the shadowy corner where he had been seated. Muttering something incoherent about young whippersnappers and proper parliamentary speech, he signaled for yet another drink and collapsed back into his seat, dropping his copy of the Ayalan Chronicle in the process.

The newspaper lay open to a bunch of uninteresting stories about Goobergunchian politics, most notably the following:

High Council Confirms Evif Replacement

The High Council has voted by a narrow margin to designate Darren Funkel, 19, as Acting Ambassador to the United Nations. The vote came nearly a month after longtime United Nations ambassador Michael Evif went mysteriously missing. Many have criticized Funkel, the nephew of President Matthew Stazak, as an incompetent choice fueled by nepotism.

"I have always respected Mr. Evif, but with him missing for so long it's really about time we designated a replacement", said High Council Chairman Gail Conway (U-Palmer). "People may complain about Mr. Funkel, but we should not forget that the last reported appearance of Mr. Evif was a drunken rant to his staff. I doubt Funkel will be doing that, and at any rate he's just a temporary replacement until Mr. Evif turns up."

Funkel is scheduled to arrive in the UN Headquarters tomorrow, relieving the collection of Evif staffers and High Council messengers that have been running Goobergunchia's UN embassy for the past few weeks.

ooc:
*ows and rubs head. Makes a peace offering of a glass of milk, a tartan shawl and The Times crossword*

ic: Looking over his wine glass Jawy spoke to the Snefaldian diplomat with a sneer in his voice. "I'm sure he's well aware of the effects. More importantly, can you handle it?"

Ordinarily Anya tended to avoid bars and such, however the past few months had been very trying for her. When she had accepted the post of UN Envoy for her country The Serene Dominion of The Sacred Orb things had been quite ok. Then she had been elected regional delegate and things had begun whirling like a dust devil in The Kedeshi Wastes.

Anya knew deep down that too much stress was no good so had resolved to loosen up a bit and be more friendly. So this gathering place seemed an appropriate venue.

A waitress came round and she ordered a drink she had heard of known as a hurricane. She was told it was delicious and a great way to unwind.She also inquired about the location of the ladies room, deciding to freshen up a bit.

After her drink came she headed for the rest room.Smiling politely as she passed others at their tables.

After a short time she stepped back into the main room feeling much better.
Her formal dress was carefully folded and stowed in her bag and now she wore
a shorter flowing dress of sparklesilk,her long blonde hair swirled loosely about her shoulders as she made her way across the room to her table,a bright smile on her lips as she sat down and sipped her drink which was splendidly decadent.

n/m

ooc:
*ows and rubs head. Makes a peace offering of a glass of milk, a tartan shawl and The Times crossword*

ic: Looking over his wine glass Jawy spoke to the Snefaldian diplomat with a sneer in his voice. "I'm sure he's well aware of the effects. More importantly, can you handle it?"

Shandreth turned and smiled at the Gaffan(?).

"Yes."

He then turned back to Dioce.

Anya had ordered another Hurricane having polished off her first. She cautiously eyed the others in the room once more especially the one that had been drinking what she had learned was tequila.
She relaxed into her chair a bit as the waitress brought her second drink. A strange but rather pleasing warmth had begun to suffuse her body and she felt the tension and stress melting away.

She heard someone ask the holy woman if she had ever played "Twister". She pondered what this was. Suddenly she perked up a bit hoping to find out what it was.
Taking her drink she stood up,her head spun a bit and she wobbled slightly as she moved to a table closer to the various groups,bumping into several chairs along the way.
*bump*
oh...scuse me

*bump*
...dreadfully sorry

*bump*
whoo..goodness me..whass in these?

*bump*
..I'd better have a sit then......
....*flop* ~sitting rather quickly on a rather soft couch to see what would transpire. Noticing a small trail of spilled drink leading to her current location.She giggled a bit.

Ardchoilleans;12996687']
"Hodz indeed!" she snorted, skewering her assailant with a glare. "So why has Mme Vermithrax suddenly started calling you 'Dr Hotz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12944115&postcount=8)', hmmmm, Hottie? Any little thing you'd like to tell us?"

Dr. Hodz stifled laughter.

"I've no idea what you're talking about."

A deshevilled looking postman entered the Bar door, his post bag bulging with identical sea-green envelopes (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13000048&postcount=1) with silver scalloped edges. Eying the drunken delegates one by one he called out "Is there a Mister N Chemb'l'n residing 'ere?". Following the general turning of heads towards the bar where a young bored looking man with a large badge saying 'Jimmy' and an older man stood polishing glasses.
Laying an envelope (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13000079&postcount=2) upon some Kwaiian prayerbook the postman tipped his hat and left saying "for you I believe guv'."

Sir Albert flashed Violet his best cheeky smile, picked up the subdued ferret and dropped it down his trousers to meet the rest of the ferrets. He was going to smile to that strange Dicey girl too, but after he'd smiled at Violet he couldn't see her anymore, 'odd lass' he thought.

Staggering over to the postman he marvelled that some nations still used actual people to deliver mail. Just to be sure he peeked inot the bag to make sure it wasn't a trick and the messenger pigeons weren't just hiding.

At the back of his mind he thought that he really ought to make sure that the Bahgumian mother in law squad don't get involved in twister, the last time that happened three quarters of a city ended up in either the emergency room, the sanitorium or gibbering to themselves hiding in a shed.

Anya sat on the rather comfy sofa quite near the others. For a moment the trail of spilt liquor she had made fascinated her somewhat inebriated mind. She thought" Oo my isn't that ever so sparkley" except rather than think it she said it....rather loudly, which sent her into another giggling spasm.

She looked around furitively at the others surprised no one had made a fuss as she bumped into things.
Simultaneously she also began to wonder again what was in this delicious concoction she was drinking. Whatever it was it was certainly loosening her up.

She noticed her glass was empty. She saw no wait staff in sight so decided to head for the bar on the far side of the room.

She stood up and the room swam. Steadying herself she zig zagged across the room passing amongst the various people giggling fitfully here and there, managing a smile or two and a mumbled " How do ya do".
Reaching the bar she stood a moment trying to remember why she was there.

Ardchoilleans;12996687']
"Ever played Twister?" she asked the nearby Mother Superior.

Mother Mirrim of Findhorn, Dicey knew, loved nothing better than a rousing bout of the joyfully silly game; surely, then, all other Mothers Superior would feel the same way?

The Mother Superior's sensibilites, far from being Offended & Outraged, rose at the question and did a happy jig.

"Oh my yes! Some of my sisters disapprove of the game, and especially of the competitions the abbey would have with the monks down the lane, but I would always quote the good book to them. "Thou shalt spin, and laugh, and enjoy greatly thy time on the ground." Of course, that might be a difference of interpretation."

Indeed, that great cosmic family of Mother Superiors generally tended to hold certain things sacred, and as it happened Twister was one that ranked fairly close on the list to Westcott rulers, makeup pogroms, and amateur glassblowing. At least, that was what Jung said, but no nun ever took him seriously.

It was just as likely that there was nothing more amusing than seeing a confusing blob of black robes and white faces convolsing on a multicolored mat.

Jandek casts a liquor addledy eye over the similarly sozzled Sir Albert, and instantly recognizes a fellow ferret enthusiast. Though this whole trousers stuffing custom seems a little... odd... even to this offspring of provincial goat-herders, he feels he could perhaps help Sir Albert on the topic of ferret husbandry.

You see Comrade... ferret is the brother of the cat and the rat... like cat he is very happy to have neck and back scratched, but for goodness sake do not scratch belly... even if they seem to invite it... IT'S A TRAP!! like rat, ferret do not like loud sound... they easily spooked. Most important... ferret like other type of rat... like my cousin Lemmy, respond extremely well to bribery... both ferret and cousin Lemmy cannot resist two things... Vodka and Corned Beef... *mischevious wink*... and effect is same with both... full belly and nice drink, straight to sleep. You see?

At this point Jandek noticed Anya standing beside him at the bar, variously lost in thought or giggling mindlessly. He brushed his thick snow white hair back casually leaned forward on the bar and attempted to remember his training at Staffsilvania's Soviet Dimplomacy Academy.

Why, hello there. I can get you drink, yes?

[i]At this point Jandek noticed Anya standing beside him at the bar, variously lost in thought or giggling mindlessly. He brushed his thick snow white hair back casually leaned forward on the bar and attempted to remember his training at Staffsilvania's Soviet Dimplomacy Academy.

Why, hello there. I can get you drink, yes?
As Anya stood there at the bar trying to remember what she needed,she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She let out a little gasp of surprise and said quietly "I'm..I'm..gorgeous" which elicited another uncharacteristic giggle. She had no idea why she was acting the way she was. She only knew that she felt incredibly carefree for the first time in her life and that it was a quite welcome feeling.

Just then she realized someone next to her was speaking to her albeit in rather poor English. Something about getting her a drink...that was it..a DRINK ! She turned rather unsteadily and looked at the gentleman. He was much older than her. She smiled brightly "Oh yesh sir...You musht have read my mind. A drink would be marvelissssh. Another Hurricane if you pleasshhhe ." She said leaning on the bar a bit to aid her balance as she continued to smile brightly forgetting for the moment about the Holy Prophetesses warning about consorting wantonly with men."what an old fuddy duddy the prophetess could be at times" she thought as she waited for the grey haired fellow to get her drink.

Jandek was quite pleased with the way things were going. He was unaccustomed to being away from his family and friends back in Staffsilvania. Being an older fellow he was fairly set in his ways and was used to drinking and telling tall tales with his old comrades from the Red Army at Politmagrad's old Working Man's Club. While this was not the same, it would do nicely. He attracted the barman's attention.

Two Hurricanes please comrade.

Turning to Sir Albert

Mister Ferret Pants? You want drink?

Turning to Sir Albert

Mister Ferret Pants? You want drink?

"Hah! Asking if Sir Albert wants a drink is like asking if water's wet," Bob called out from across the room.

"Hah! Asking if Sir Albert wants a drink is like asking if water's wet," Bob called out from across the room.

Okay! very good!

Jandek waves in Bob's direction.

A water for that man!

Turning to Sir Albert once more.

And Sir Ferret... Ferbert... Furbie??

Jandek's English seems to dissolve in alcohol.

Albert!! Yes Sir Albert, very sorry, what you like for drink?

Set to hail Violet to call the shots, Dicey changed her mind in mid-wobble. If Violet was still feeling the effects of Dr "Hottie's" ray, she'd be better off actually playing Twister than trying to call it while delivering drinks. But Jimmy -- or possibly the Casual Barman Formerly Known As Jimmy -- was just standing there doing nothing. He'd be ideal to call the changes. Efficiently she roped him in, efficiently she oversaw the spreading of the Twister mat, less efficiently she explained the rules -- "When he calls the colour you gotta touch it with the body part, okay?" -- and eyed her potential combata -- er, companions.

The Mother Superior was definitely on -- "Blessed Be!" Dicey smiled, as one professional spirit-herder to another -- the blonde girl in the sparklesilk dress might have a go, the old bloke looked reasonably flexible, and if she could get Sir Albert involved, well, who knew what could happen. "Rightoh, everybody in!" she called.

Dicey's cool appropriation of the bar staff left Neville alone to carry the BarLord's Burden. Normally this wouldn't have mattered, he being, as has been frequently noted, absolutely superb at all aspects of his profession, and needing to be reassured about this only three or four times an hour.

But he had just received an envelope touched by ... Her! His first, his last, his own true love -- Hodgelett! And She had invited him to Her home! With promises of (sigh!) a double suite! With such bliss in sight, what did it matter that Randomea was leaving the UN? What did it matter that he had been doing his amorous best to annoy Commander Chiang to the point of her having to take his, um, training in hand? After all, Chiang wasn't here; he'd heard rumours of a professional accident of the sort unavoidable in the Stripper Commandos.

Well, that was surely Fate telling him something, or her something, or something ... anyway, it cleared the decks, didn't it? Eyes crossing with excitement, Neville struggled to make sense of the computer airline booking system, and to hell with the Bar! To hell with his customers! To hell with even the Building Management! The world well lost for Lerv!

"water????" spluttered Sir Albert, he drunkenly looked about the room motioning to the nun, "ere, sister luv, tha's got some blasphemers in ere, water indeed".

The build up of a twister match left him a little concerned, as training for the trouser ferreting championships and playing twister leaves one at risk of a major multiple ferret spillage .What he needed was a distraction.

With perfect timing he heard Jandek the ferret whisperer offer a drink. Sir Albert decided that, yes, for a change a drink would be just the thing, "a blue Bahgumian brandy owd lad, ta muchly".

By eck, saved.....

Unfortunately, the Barlord's pronouncement that Cdr. Chiang "wasn't here" wasn't true for very long, as she appeared at the bar, bending low over the counter in order to tantalize the man behind with an ample view of her considerable assets. Her arm was in bandages. "Going somewhere, Neville?" she inquired suggestively, having spotted the invitation clutched in her quarry's hand. "That's shame; I was thinking we'd finally be able to commence a few private sessions together. I may be broken, but all my toys still work!"

She was interrupted by the exclamation of an adolescent-sounding voice behind her: "Twister?! Aww, hells yeah!"

President Fernanda had arrived, and it appeared he wished he'd left his confining textiles behind, as he tossed off his Dumbasses jersey and proceeded to repeat the action with the wifebeater beneath. He was undoing his belt buckle now, and Chiang's eyes widened with horror; surely the president realized this wasn't that kind of Twister, especially with a nun playing! She whirled back around to face Neville. "Hold that thought," she said through gritted teeth, as she sprang from her stool and hustled toward the Twister mat.

She tightly grasped the arms of her Commander in Chief, before he could delight his compatriots with an exposure of his undergarments: "Mr. President, I hate to interrupt, but I need to--"

"Lemme go! Lemme go! I came here to get my freak on!" Fernanda barked, struggling against the commander with much effort. But try as he might, not even the Destructor could best the iron grip of a Stripper Commando, even one with a sprained elbow.

Chiang fiercely yanked at the president's shoulder and dragged him toward the side entrance to the stairwell, Fernanda writhing and howling in protest the whole way. "Unhand me, woman! That's an order!" he shouted as they reached the landing beyond the doorway.

"I'd love to, Mr. President, but there's an urgent matter for you to address" -- she hardened her grip as the Destructor screamed and violently flailed his extremities about to break free -- "at the bottom of the stairs!" And she kicked him down the steps.

The strains of rumbling on the stairs coupled with Fernanda's frightened yelps echoed from the stairwell as Chiang's shadowed figure, still visible through the doorway, remained where it stood, observing the president's reckless tumble to the landing below. This was immediately followed by a loud crash and the aftermath of painful grunts and groans as Fernanda apparently tried to stand up again. "Oh, you are so fired!" his reverberating voice shouted.

Chiang sighed, and opened her corset.

"Aw, man! That's a nice set! You're rehired!"

The commander rolled her eyes as she redid her front. Since the secretary of state had added "babysitting the president" to her list of duties, she had been dismissed (and reinstalled just as quickly) at least five times in that manner.

Jandek was quite pleased with the way things were going. He was unaccustomed to being away from his family and friends back in Staffsilvania. Being an older fellow he was fairly set in his ways and was used to drinking and telling tall tales with his old comrades from the Red Army at Politmagrad's old Working Man's Club. While this was not the same, it would do nicely. He attracted the barman's attention.

Two Hurricanes please comrade.


Anya was quite thrilled at the prospect of getting another drink. After all, her second Hurricane was very nearly gone. She clapped her hands together in glee much like a little child expecting a sweet.
She said to the snowy haired gentleman "Thank you shirr, You are mosht generoussh, I do sho luurve thessse drinkie-poos*giggle*. Oh..dear me I sheem to have forgotten my mannersh...My name ish Anya...Anya Semanova and yoursh would be???"*bats eyelashes**wavers unsteadily*
"Goodness me I have no idea whass wrong. I'm soooo dizzy."

"Oh are we playing twister now? I'm so in." said Fiore, smiling

Donning his best Sabbath suit, Sammy took a moment to scan the bar. Finding a group of modestly dressed religious-types like the Snefaldians shouldn't have been too difficult; they likely would have appeared oddly out of place amongst the "bunch of drunks, stoners, weirdos, military fruitcakes, sex addicts, rejects, dear little kiddies and Senator Sulla (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13000221&postcount=4)" who always occupied the United Nations' famed drinking establishment, but he had never met the Snefaldians before, and he didn't want to embarrass himself. Sure enough, there was Ambassador Shandreth, recognizable in his distinctively old-fashioned cassock, idly enjoying himself and in close proximity to Dicey Reilly. Killing two birds with one stone shouldn't be too difficult, he thought.

He weaved through the tables and chairs as he approached the ambassador, quickly averting his eyes as he passed the Mother Superior, although she seemed a bit distracted by the prospects of Twister. He didn't want to betray himself to a nun, especially considering the stuff he'd just been doing with his companion in a side room.

For her part, Avaya walked briskly past him to stand beside her superior and mentor Reilly, not necessarily because the former too felt guilty, but because she was eager for the ceremony to begin. It wasn't every day a girl got to witness her beloved presenting his Letters of Credence to a head of state.

The proceedings would be slightly delayed, however, as Sammy reached the Snefaldians' table. "Your Holiness," he addressed Shandreth, offering his hand. "I'm Sammy Faisano, the former Kennyite ambassador. I've been obliged to pass this along to you, for your superior in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs." He handed the gentleman a business-sized envelope. Were Amb. Shandreth to open it, he'd see a single-page notice, from the Department of State:Attn: His Excellency Parepauresanna-vohu-manar, Snefaldian Holy Minister of Foreign Affairs

We are pleased to announce that the Federal Congress has voted to authorize opening official diplomatic relations with the Centralized Mountain States of Snefaldia, and has designated an ambassador (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=555&view=findpost&p=6975776) to head our embassy, to be established in Sargedain. We hope this signals the beginning of a long and fruitful friendship between our two great nations.

The Destructor from del Fuego, Mexico, sends his kindest regards.

Sincerely,
Alex Tehrani
Secretary of State"Anyway," Sammy continued as he pulled out a chair, "I'm supposed to meet with Dicey Reilly right now, but she seems otherwise occupied." He glanced to his side, where the Twister match was developing. "Can I buy you a beer or something while I wait?"