NationStates Jolt Archive

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Press official pressed
Liverpool English press representatives attempt to beat comments out of Bureaucratic Tribune reporter.

By Dwight Hamilton

Khaled Mardem-Bey (BT) -- Bill Christmas reported attempts to illicit comments concerning the Oglethorpia - Liverpool England match by Liverpool English reporters, in bustling IRC City in the nation of Khaled Mardem-Bey.

"They pressed me for comments, man," said Christmas, still on vacation visiting IRC City's frequented clubs and bars. "All I said was 'I don't know' and 'We'll see, won't we?'"

Christmas repeatedly confirmed he was fine; but he, and the rest of the writers at the Bureaucratic Tribune refuse to comment on whom they think will come out of the victor in the match between our own Wonderteam and the high & mighty-confident Liverpool England, defending champions.

Perhaps it is supersticion; that we may jinx Guy Picciotto and Fernando Green.

Others just refuse to be shown wrong, whatever the outcome may come out to be.

We'll be watching.

The Port Lusambo Citizen-Enquirer
Serving West Jativa since 2015

August 18, 2017

Bedistan's Quarterfinal: An Offensive Battle?

EUROPA BRITTANIA -- After the Bedistan Lions' disposal of the Kingsford National with a 1-0 win yesterday in Europa Brittania, they will next be facing the Belmore Family, who similarly vanquished Squornshelous 3-1.

There is one name from the Belmore team that is driving fear into the hearts of all...well okay, not all, but some of the Bedistani players: Alan Belmore.

"Every time I see a report of a Belmore match," says Bedistan coach Gene Barber, "Alan's always the one that scored all the goals. Occasionally you'll see a few other family members jump in from time to time, but it's typically Alan who's doing it all."

"It's kinda nervewracking," says starting goalkeeper Erik Oldenburg. "Most people think I've been doing a great job out there so far, but the truth is I've been going pretty much to the limit of my abilities. Dealing with a dedicated goalscorer like Alan Belmore is not going to be easy."

In an attempt to counter this, Coach Barber is planning to shift from his usual 4-3-3 formation into a defense-oriented 5-3-2, bringing in Karina Kucharski instead of Javier Lewey. "The defense will be taking a lot of pressure," says the coach, "and it'll be better to spread it out among more players."

However, Barber has another trick up his sleeve as well.

"Alan Belmore scores most of the goals for his team. Keeping our defense on him should greatly ease the pressure on our guys and girls," he says. "But that won't be enough. We've also gotta be attacking. And luckily, we've regained our own top scorer from the bench after that nasty fall in the TnUI match."

Barber refers, of course, to Darren Morlock, who has scored 10 of the team's 27 goals so far in this Cup (including qualifying).

"Coach'll be expecting a lot out of me," says Morlock, "and I hope I can pull through. Sure, we're ranked higher than Belmore, but they're still nothing to sneeze at. We need to be at our finest tomorrow."

The Lions, ranked 3rd in the world, are surely the favorites in this match, although the Belmore Family is a respectable 13th. Whoever wins this match will go on to play either Ravenspire or Giant Zucchini in the semifinals.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Data disclosed
Statisticians pour over qualifying and first round statistics to bring you an even larger sheet of statistics

By Bill Christmas

TRIPOLI, OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Staticians have worked hours upon hours to bring you the following statistics, over countless cups of coffee and raw caffiene.

[code:1:524bb32c90]
Oglethorpian Wonderteam Table ^Updated!
Brought to you by the Association of Futebol

Oglethorpia P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Current 4 3 1 0 7 2 5 10
Group 8 14 8 3 3 33 20 13 27
Total 18 11 4 3 40 22 18 37

Note(s):

Current -- current standings: first round* + second round.
Group 8 -- post-qualification group*.
Total -- consolidation of current standings and post-qualifcation table.

More Note(s):

*Indicates finish at top of group.

[/code:1:524bb32c90]

The Wonderteam finished first in group 8 and group E; it's qualifying and first round group, respectively.

Group 8: The teams that advanced from qualifying were Snub Nose 38, Tanah Burung and Oglethorpia.

Of those three, only Oglethorpia and Snub Nose 38 are still in the Cup: at the quarterfinals.

Group E: The teams that advanced from the first round were the Belmore Family and Oglethorpia.

Of those two, both are currently in the quarterfinals.

More data as it comes together.

Ravens In!
Win over Svecia Earns Slot

Sargard, Ravenspire -- Earlier today, the Ravens achieved the victory over Svecia that was necessary for them to advance to the round of 16. Coming off their defeat by Squornshelous, the 3-1 victory was wildly celebrated by football fans, who filled the streets of Sargard following the game -- not to mention the bars, clubs, cabarets, Virtual halls, brothels, restaurants, and hot springs resorts of the tourist metropolis.

The game began on a high note, as midfielder Michael Matthew Maule stole the ball from under the Svecian striker shortly after Svecia had won the initial coin toss. The team of Amara Akizuki and Kaede Kitsuki harried the Svecian defense with numerous attacks, though all were trned aside at the early stage. Finally, twenty minutes into the half, Kitsuki connected with a left-footed shot from just outside the box, scoring the first goal of the match. At the half, the score still stood 1-0.

The second half saw both teams kicking their offense into higher gear. Svecia took back a greater share of possession, making several forays onto Ravenspire's half of the pitch; however, it was the Ravens who would score next, a long shot by Akizuki that somehow eluded the Svecian keeper. The side didn't celebrate for long, however; the Svecians put a goal away almost immediately afterward, bringing the score to 2-1.

It seemed it might stay there, and it very nearly did, but for a penalty kick awarded late in the game after a Svecian defender collided with Zhen Sui-Ling. The striker was not badly injured, and she managed to make the shot, placing the ball barely out of the keeper's reach.

The result placed Ravenspire exactly equal to Squornshelous in the group; since Squornshelous defeated Ravenspire, they were awarded the top slot, while the Ravens advanced in the second slot. Next, they face Lemmitania in the round of 16, in what is sure to be a hard-fought match.

dont try and change OUR game because....

This part is rather patronizing, to be fair.

meh, i was going for righteous indignation, but being patronising pretty much gets accross my exhasperation at CH anyway :)

i dont think all americans 'dont get football' just the ignorant ones :) i mean i 'get' why people like watching Super-mega-world-stanley-hut-hut-bowl-series-ball with teams like the Florida Bushfires and the L.A. Riots, because its like, 3 hours of entertainment, lots of pretty flashing lights and big people with huge shoulders/long legs/moustaches/no teeth running/jumping/throwing/skating and killing/killing/yawning/killing people left right and centre. i mean i really like ice hockey, but you watch it and its like 'woah, he got called for a blue-line-pass?, so your like, not allowed to skate over a blue line now? but theres loads of them!' fair enough Football and Rugby have the 'offside' rule which is stupidly complicated but thats the only complicated thing there is.

To me, american sports are not so much 'whos the fastest, whos the strongest, who has the most skill' like english sports, but more like 'who can do a fourth-and-down-past-the-blue-line-home-run-breakaway-slam-dunk with the biggest air and the most expensive sneakers'.

saying that, making football and rugby a bit more 'american' has done wonders for the sport, especially after the 80s where english football was dying on its flabby arse. Its nice to see action replays on big plasma-screen scoreboards and whatever, but when you try and change the actual game to make it more complicated/high-scoring/whatever to make it more 'accesible' to tv audiences...

dude what the fuck was i talking about again?

um..

oh yeah, CH, quit messing with our scoring system :P

edit: if this post is just as patronising, then im sorry but im british, i cant help it :)

Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

We’re Number What?
Justar Morgannan National Stadium, Ravenspire Remington Grey

This reporter caught up with the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans this morning as they boarded the team buses to begin the trip from Ravenspire to Europa Brittania, where they will face Europa Brittania in the next round of World Cup 9 in a single elimination match. I was able to ask Manager Ben Dover a few questions as he was preparing for departure.

RG – What does the side think about playing one of the hosts?

BD – There’s nothing special about playing a hosts’ national side. From that perspective, they’re just another football team. Pants on one leg at a time, ya know.

RG – Is there another perspective, then?

BD – Do you follow this sport? Of course there is. Europa Brittania is ranked 4th in the world, and has the top record so far in all World Cup 9 matches. That is something special! That makes a difference.

RG – But, ranked 20th and with the 3rd best record in World Cup 9 matches so far, don’t the Hooligans match up pretty well against Europa Brittania?

BD – I’d have to say “Yes”. But, I have to add a couple of thoughts. One – At this level, the difference of one or two ranks is a vast difference. And, two – With the quality of players on both sides, this match could easily go either way. We could play them one day and win, and play them the next day and lose.

RG – So, what outcome do you expect?

BD – Are ye daft, man! We expect the ‘ooligans will win. If we dinna believe it, we should ‘igh ourselves home. Every match, mon, every one, we expect ta take it to ‘em, we expect not a thing other than a glorious victory! Ye canna play in any other fashion, or yer doomed.

RG – Is that a bit of an Irish Brogue, or something of a Scottish lilt?

BD – Is what a what?

RG – Never mind. Ben, several of my colleagues and I have noticed that the Hooligans don’t ever chant, “We’re Number One”. Now, it’s fairly common for a side to do that chant, especially after a win in a key match. But the Hooligans never do it.

BD – Of course not. Look, early on during Qualifying the lads did begin to chant “We’re Number One” on the bus back to the hotel. Here we were, traveling along the highway at about 90 kilometers per hour, and one of our denser defenders got confused. Think about it. In the mind of a simple man (and we have quite a few of those on the side), we’re number 38. The poor lad thought he was on the wrong bus, and tried to climb out the window. We were able to restrain him, but when our team psychologist found out why he’d tried to climb out the window, I banned the “Number One” chant.

RG - You can’t be serious.

BD - I certainly am. Listen, why do you think the Tanah Burung Crocodiles call us “Snub Nose 20”? They’ll feed you a line of bull, but it’s got nothing to do with a time when we were ranked 20th. They know we’ve a few lads of Gilmeecian descent on the side, and they know it’ll confuse ‘em. And they accuse us of unethical behaviour! Ha!

With that, Manager Ben Dover boarded the bus, and the Hooligans began motoring their way to Europa Brittania. We wish them well.

a bunch of patronising stuff about american sports
and then
edit: if this post is just as patronising, then im sorry but im british, i cant help it :)
Of course. And, of course, we can't help it, we're American. :wink:
---------------------------------------------------------------
Edit: hmmm...missed a perfect opportunity to say something like "we're sorry you're british, too." oh, well... :wink:

The Remington County Record

Academy Chief to Visit Gilmeecia
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Lauren D’Order

At a press conference held by The Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science today, Deputy Chief Academician Doctor Lucy Van Pelt made a brief statement, then took a few questions. Here are Doctor Van Pelt’s statement, and the questions and answers that followed:

“Doctor Albert Onestone, Chief Academician, departed yesterday on a fact finding trip to Gilmeecia. Doctor Onestone was accompanied by Earnest N. Dever, Doctor of Medicine and Chief of the Division of Pathology and Execution at St. Swithens Hospital. There is a general feeling, not traceable to any source or any solid information, that Gilmeecia knows something about the plague currently afflicting Snub Nose 38, and may also know of a cure. Doctors Onestone and Dever plan to meet with Gilmeecian men of science and medicine and discuss these possibilities. We are aware that the attention span of the average Gilmeecian is between 3 and 5 minutes, but we trust that ‘Bert ‘n’ Ernie will be able to glean some bits and pieces of information during those 3 to 5 minutes, and bring home some hope for a cure and preventative vaccine.”

Q – Doctor Van Pelt, has the Academy made any progress at all in finding a cure?

A – No, we have not. Unless you consider thirty-two thousand, seven hundred and thirteen failed attempts to be progress.

Q – Doctor, has the Academy identified what the plague is?

A – Not to my satisfaction, or that of Doctor Onestone.

Q – Does that mean that there is someone in the Academy who thinks they know what it is?

A – Let me say that there is a small group of highly respected and otherwise intelligent individuals who have isolated a virus, and believe it to be the cause of the current plague.

Q – Can you identify the virus?

A – Yes.

Q – Well, will you identify the virus?

A – I’d prefer not to.

Q – But, if you have information, don’t you think you should share it with the public?

A – If we had definitive answers, I would say you were correct. But we don’t. We have a suspected cause, but the proof offered is not sufficient to convince everyone it is, in fact, the cause. I think it better to wait until we have the results of Doctor Onestone’s fact finding probe in Gilmeecia before we announce something as a “fact” when it may not be, in fact, a fact.

Q - Doctor…

A – Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, we have no more time for questions. Thank you for coming.

Minister Denies Plausible Deniability
Sten, Snub Nose 38 press release – ministry of super secret sleuthery

Jack Cass, Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery, categorically denies that a 6 meter tall concrete wall topped with concertina wire has been constructed around a 750 square mile section of the Alkali Desert in Northwest Snub Nose 38. “It did not happen,” said Jack.

In the same vein, the Minister insists there is no truth to the rumor that the non-existant 750 square mile walled in area will be used to permanently detain those victims of the plague plaguing Snub Nose 38 who seem to have died, then gotten up and started to walk around in a seriously bad mood, attempting to bite and/or hurt everyone they meet. The Minister is quoted to have said, “It will never happen.”

Mr. Cass also denies the allegations that hundreds of agents of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery are, at the time of this writing, engaging in a man-hunt intended to round up the “re-alive” victims of the plague. “It isn’t happening now,” was his comment.

(OOC: Ah...perfect opportunity for another IC post... :) )

Soccer Fans Celebrate Across Commerce Heights As Tanah Burung Takes 16th Ranking
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Tanah Burung World Cup team was excited to leave Commerce Heights behind and play in the second round of the Cup. They put up an excellent performance, leaving the score tied 3-3 with Snub Nose 38 (20?) at the end of normal time. In extended time, the Hooligans were able to pull off the win. Tanah Burung, as the only team in the second round that had only 3 points in the first round, will take the 16th ranking for WC10, the lowest possible ranking after qualifying for the second round.
(20) Snub Nose 38 4
(39) Tanah Burung 3 - AET (3-3 FT)
Since there is some disagreement over how teams that qualified for the Cup should be ranked, it is possible that the Bulldogs could even end up ranked higher than the Crocodiles. Some have said that the rankings should be based on points alone, instead of being seperated by the round that teams advanced to. Such a system would bump the Bulldogs back up to 23rd and the Crocodiles down to 24th. The new ranking system that the WCC is expected to switch to soon would put Commerce Heights 27th and the Crocodiles 28th.

PariMedia Sports Commerce Heights Wins Bid For CHMI Headquarters
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - PariMedia Sports' Commerce Heights division has bought out the former headquarters of Commerce Heights Media International (the largest media company in Paripana before an unusual deal in which it bought PariMedia, but became part of it) for approximately §30 billion (OOC: approximately USD 60 billion). The building was the headquarters of the Chronicle before its merger with several other media companies to become CHMI. PMSCH chose to bid on the building because of its desirable location - one block away from Maxisoft Stadium. The building will not only provide PMSCH with a large amount of office space, but will allow it to do aerial coverage of Bulldogs home games (due to the large number of tall buildings in downtown CH City, helicopters such as the ones used in the broadcast of the Warnocks Wizards game are not allowed). It is hoped by several PariMedia employees that a crocodile can be hung from the ceiling of the lobby before World Cup 10 begins. (OOC: :P )

Featured Advertiser
Buy CupPass Tickets For All World Cup 10 Games - Including Qualifying, Group Stages, Knockout Round, And Now Including Qualifying Games At Warnocks Wizards!* Only §200 For All Of The Games! Get Them Today While They're Still Cheap!
*No refunds will be provided if your spectating experience is less than satisfactory before, during, or after games against Tanah Burung.

OOC: EDIT: I added the PariMedia Sports CH article. ;)

Anyone have a nation I could possibly join ? Looking for a very active one too. Wouldn't mind getting into a region with people who are also in the World Cup too... If so, please reply to this thread, or send me a PM.



Thanks... :?

*the ivy covered stone wall runs behind the hedge, around the fountain and its' plantings, stops briefly at a wrought iron gate, through which we see a very long drive to the roadway, then moves on past the gazebo, and disappears into the manicured woods. looking the other way, we see down a long gravel path lined by hedges, marble benches, interesting statuary and neatly planted beds to the main house - which is, well, a mansion. the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is seated in the gazebo, reading the athletic supporter and having - of course - a cold "38 special". margaret, in velvet burgundy robe and velour midnight blue hooded cape (hood down), leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it by a silver strand stuck in the capes inner pocket, is sitting on a marble bench not far from the gazebo, leaning back on the hedge behind it and staring at the sky. a pretty beat-up rubber chicken is lying on the bench beside her.*

- Says here that Bi Kikere is quoted as hoping the Hooligans get past Europa Brittania so they can be "eviscerated" by Oglethorpia.
- That's nice...
- I said "eviscerated" by Oglethorpia!
- Hmmm?...Oh...well, consider the source is what I say.
- What's up with you today? That doesn't get your goat?
- My goat? I don't have a goat.
- ...Your figurative goat, Margaret. Your figurative goat.
- Nah. Figurative goat not gotten. I'm in too good a mood.
- How so?
- How not? The Hooligans are in the quarter finals. We're back at the Estate. Everythings coming up roses - including that nice bed of roses over there. Pooh on Bi.
- This is not like you, Margaret.
- Why?
- Well...you should be all worked up. I think I'll drive you to the doctor.
- Relax...relax. I read the paper earlier, got worked up, and got over it.
- Got over it? How?
- Sent a little package to Bi.
- What little package?
- A bunch of sour grapes.

*the minister - what else? - spills his beer*

It is hoped by several PariMedia employees that a crocodile can be hung from the ceiling of the lobby before World Cup 10 begins. (OOC: :P )


Live?

Oh, the taunts! I am pierced with these arrows! Will reply later....

Good luck to Snub Nose 3....

Anyone have a nation I could possibly join ? Looking for a very active one too. Wouldn't mind getting into a region with people who are also in the World Cup too... If so, please reply to this thread, or send me a PM.



Thanks... :?

Why not come to FIFA?

Oh, the taunts! I am pierced with these arrows! Will reply later....

Good luck to Snub Nose 3....
A demotion!

Sport Minister Decries Cruelty to Animals

Calls for International Community to Protest Commerce Heights Plans

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards--Following an excellent victory in which his nation qualified for the second round of the Cup of Harmony tournament and the unveiling of new giant spider side Shelobs Obsession, Warnocks Wizards Minister for Sport Ufhur the Hated looked forward to another day of business in his sport headquaters. The Minister's fine mood was shattered when he read reports out of Commerce Heights that that overly commercialised nation planned on renovating a facility near their Maxifree Stadium where they plan on hanging a crocodile from the rafters. Minister Ufhur was outraged and hastily called a press conference, where he read the following statement:

"I am appalled by what I have read in the papers today. To think in this age of ours, there are still people that cruelly treat their fellow creatures out of spite...well, quite frankly I'm appalled. I call on all nations to consider their stance on this issue. The dastardly plans of some in Commerce Heights must be stopped. Out of good will, our ministry had recently given Commerce Heights the rights to sell some tickets to our future World Cup Qualifying matches. Because of these plans to injure a poor, helpless crocodilian, that agreement is hereby voided. Commerce Heights will not be able to sell tickets to our matches. We are shocked at hearing of these plans and will not tolerate such cruelty to a living creature."

In addressing questions after his statement, Minister Ufhur noted that Arch-Mage Rahzlok the Alligator is also infuriated by today's news and is contemplating what he and his fellow alligators can do to aid their Tanah Burungian bretheren.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1

OOC: The powers that be ([violet]) have granted the petitioned request for NS Archives. I know many regular WC participants "signed" that petition.

Hack posted a "How To" get a thread archived. Primarily, the thread author requests it of the mods, and the thread is "LOCKED" once archived. Heres the link to Hacks' "How To":

How To Ask For A Thread To Be Archived (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=94288&sid=9ba0a43a993aa995cad3eb058d815605)

OOC: The powers that be ([violet]) have granted the petitioned request for NS Archives. I know many regular WC participants "signed" that petition.

Hack posted a "How To" get a thread archived. Primarily, the thread author requests it of the mods, and the thread is "LOCKED" once archived. Heres the link to Hacks' "How To":

How To Ask For A Thread To Be Archived (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=94288&sid=9ba0a43a993aa995cad3eb058d815605)


The Mods cannot ressurect threads, only [violet] can, so don't ask us.


Nooooooo, we will never get our WC threads back now! :cry:

From: primeminister@freerepublic.com
To: sportsandgames@ministries.ww
Subject: Crocodiles

To whom it may be concerned,

I would like to say that neither the government of Commerce Heights nor the Commerce Heights Footballing Federation (OOC: this federation controls all football in CH, American or otherwise ;) ) takes any responsibility for the actions of individuals in the employment of PariMedia or its subsidiaries. Although Commerce Heights law does require that the government take responsibility for a failure to prosecute a corporation with 'protected monopoly' status (a protected monopoly in CH is a company that controls over 80% of a market and has signed a contract with the government that allows it to continue to dominate its market), a status which PariMedia does have, the corporation is not obligated to, and has chosen not to, take responsibility for any illegal actions of its employees that the corporation did not dictate. While the hanging of a live crocodile in the lobby of the PariMedia Sports Commerce Heights headquarters would be an illegal act, it would require the approval of the company itself, which said company has not provided. The company has chosen to allow a life-size replica of a crocodile to be used instead, something which the employees which started this movement have agreed to. We assure you that no harm has come to animals as a result of this incident (at least not intentionally - some insects may have been injured by accident), and we request that Warnocks Wizards soccer tickets be sold once again in Commerce Heights.
-Mayor Efficiency
Prime Minister of the Free Republic of Commerce Heights (1 CHE - )
Overseer of Commerce Heights Dependencies and Occupied Territories

February 18, 25 CHE

The Bureaucratic Tribune

End of a ride
Oglethorpian fans disappointed, but not let down

By Bill Christmas

RAVENSPIRE (BT) -- The Wonderteam was pumped, and were hot off a victory against 2nd ranked Haraki. But none of it seemed to help in the match vs. defending champions Liverpool England.

From the first drive to the end of the first half, the two teams were neck and neck in skill and leverage.

But the second half saw a relaxed Wonderteam goalkeeper and a striker make a name for himself on the side of Liverpool England; and it was not Dussis.

Early in the second, Torrence Black earned his second yellow card; his first on a slide tackle, the second for challenging the referee.

Perhaps it was this that lost the game for the Oglethorpian Wonderteam.

But others would place the blame on keeper Yamamoto-san.

Still others attribute Howard Christopher, of Liverpool England.

Said defender Bruce Corwin, "he had a fine, fine drive; and we weren't there to stop it. I think it was the 70th; but we gave up a goal, and never got the equalizer."

Following the end of full time, the Wonderteam was in a solemn mood.

"We knew how important this game was," said striker Jorge White. "We didn't want to get too pumped up; or too down on ourselves. But something happened, and we lost. At least it wasn't that Dussis who scored on us; lord knows he already has a big enough head."

Guy Picciotto was disappointed; and at the same time, able to see the goods of the Oglethorpian World Cup IX bid. "The Wonderteam's result was disappointing; but it was in no means a letdown. We at least made it to the quarterfinals, and acheived an illustrious single-digit rank. Though if they use that funky-Spaam ranking, we're sure to go down a couple of spots. I'm proud of what we did; and yet, at the same time disappointed because it is another four years before we can try again to make it to the quarterfinals."

Local bars felt the same sentiment; that the Wonderteam had gone so far, through the first and second rounds, only to lose in the quarters. "You only see these kinds of things so many times," said one local bargoer. "It makes you wonder if we can ever see Oglethorpia make it to the quarters again."

But Guy Picciotto reassures us; that the next run for the Cup will be a wholehearted effort. "It'll be a wholehearted effort, alright," he said confidently.

We can only hope.

The Columbia Times

Not Just a Shutout
More like being locked out in the rain with a dozen hungry Lions in pursuit

EUROPA BRITTANIA (PNC) -- "Wow."

That one word, uttered by sixteen-year-old substitute defender Clinton Saravia, basically summed up the Bedistan Lions' quarterfinal match against The Belmore Family.

Coach Gene Barber knew going into this match that the best strategy was to effectively neutralize the one player who tends to score the vast majority of the opposition's goals -- Alan Belmore. Barber's use of the 5-3-2 instead of his usual 4-3-3 was a good indication of this.

"There's no way he's gonna get through five of our guys AND get past Erik [Oldenburg, goalkeeper]," said Barber before the match. "It's just not happening."

It wasn't for lack of trying, though.

The action got started early. Five minutes in, Alan began making his way up the field in his first attack attempt. Though he successfully weaved through three of the Lion defenders, it was substitute Karina Kucharski who would execute a lovely tackle and convert Belmore's attack into one for Bedistan. Very shortly afterward, the ball had made it to the front line and the recently returned Darren Morlock headed it in.

Oldenburg and his defenders would successfully parry several more Belmore attacks in the first half, including a narrow escape from a penalty kick allowed by Alan Greene tugging on a Belmorian's jersey. Bedistan retained its 1-0 lead at halftime.

At the beginning of the second half, though, things really exploded. Right out of the gate, a corner kick found Morlock in the box, and he successfully scored his second of the day on it. The Belmores knew they were in trouble now, and Alan again made a valiant attempt to break through the Bedistani defense. It was again proven fruitless, though, with Oldenburg easily knocking the striker's shot out of bounds.

Midfielder Claire Briscoe, after receiving a cross from Phil Rivera, put another one in the scoreboard in the 71st minute. With Belmore down by three, they seemed to have lost all hope. Coach Barber took the opportunity to put in some lesser-used players to mop up (Sanchez and Greene out, Saravia and Hockensmith in for defense; Rivera and Briscoe out, Bean and Tenner in at midfield; Fiorita in for Sippel up front; and Chuck Mitchell taking over the goal). The final nail was driven into TBF's coffin when Morlock completed his hat trick in the 83rd.

"Now that's what I like to see," said Barber after the match. "That's definitely gonna give us the momentum going into the semifinal match. That's exactly what we need."

This victory is a tie for the biggest win in the Bedistan Lions' history -- the biggest since a similar 4-0 victory over Aquilla in World Cup 7 [or is it 6? I forget -ed] qualifying.

The team will now face the winner of the Ravenspire-Giant Zucchini match.

Final score:
Bedistan 4 (Morlock 7, 46, 83; Briscoe 71)
The Belmore Family 0

World Cup 7 [or is it 6? I forget -ed]
I'm pretty sure it's 6, since I don't remember you ever playing Aquilla.

And Bedistan is in the semifinals again? For the third straight time? :shock:

World Cup 7 [or is it 6? I forget -ed]
I'm pretty sure it's 6, since I don't remember you ever playing Aquilla.

Checked the NSWCC site, and it apparently was indeed WC6, as Aquilla wasn't in my group in 7, I didn't have to qualify for 8, and Aquilla wasn't in 5 at all. ;)

And Bedistan is in the semifinals again? For the third straight time? :shock:

Yep, indeed. Say, has anyone else done this before? Actually, Brazillico must have (finished 3rd in WC4 and won WC5 and 6). Anyone else though? :o

Liverpool England Reach Semi Finals, Worse Case Scenario: 4th place
Liverpool England 1 [Christopher 69th]
Oglethorpia 0 [Torrence Black red card 47th]

The Defending Chmpas are Through, yes, it could be a repeat of World Cup 6. Can LE become only the second ever team to retain their tilte? No one knows. One thing is for sure, last Cup's finalists are both through. Could we see a replay of WC8?

Semi Final:
Liverpool England [1] vs winner of {winner of (Europa Brittania [4] vs Runaway Moose [6]) vs Snub Nose 38 [20]}

doublepost

to: all humans with a passion of football
cc (for not meeting at least one of the above stated): dire arachnia, the belmore family
from: Brent Lavalais, Governor of Athletics
title: An effort for hate

It has come to my attention that the Kingsford National, as a whole, is general not disliked. The status quo acknowledges only two official rivalries (Total n Utter Insanity (record 0-1-0) and Oglethorpia (record 0-0-0)) but as you can see, these are not played often. So, in an effort to improve Kingsford Sports and the Kingsford National, I as the governor of athletics would like to instate several more rivalries between the Kingsford National and nations unknown.

We cannot, however, just go around opening the doors of hate to anyone. To instill hate among random nations citizens would not be the best thing for us, so I have prepared a list of possible nations for this (or these) rivalries:

Bedistan
Snub Nose 38
Spaam
One Red Dot
Warnocks Wizards
Lemmitannia
The Belmore Family

Now please keep in mind that if you're not on this list you can still apply for official hating, however please, don't confuse forgetfulness for purposeful exclusion.

That being said, if any nation, on or off the list, is interested, please reply to this letter (in this topic).

Many thanks,

Brent Lavalais
Governor of Athletics

(OOC: As I continue a day behind... well, at least by tomorrow, I'll have caught up. 8) )

Ravens Edge Out Lemmings
Advance to Quarterfinals

Sargard, Ravenspire -- The Ravenspire Ravens battled the Lemmitania Lemmings today in a hard-fought match that extended into extra time. The Lemmings, though seeded 12th this year to Ravenspire's 9th, have historically outperformed Ravenspire's side, and were looked upon by many analysts as a potential stumbling block.

Ravenspire won the toss this time out, but it was the Lemmings who would score first, slipping a shot past keeper Autumn Mistmarch near the half. Under pressure, the Ravens' star forward, Kaede Kitsuki, managed an equalizing goal early in the second half. From then on, however, neither team could manage to break through the other's defense; both keepers went into high gear, deflecting several goal attempts. The score still stood 1-1 at the conclusion of regulation time.

If regulation time showcased the teams' defensive skills, extra time proved an opportunity for the offense, as both teams shifted gears, hoping to score the silver goal. The Ravens' legendary idol of football, Zhen Sui-Ling, scored first, chipping in a ball that the Lemmitanian keeper had deflected, but failed to capture, on an attempt by Arawn Frost. However, the Lemmings quickly countered, blasting a goal past Mistmarch from several meters outside the box. It seemed for a time that the match would be decided by penalty kicks, but as the clock ran down, Ravens striker Amara Akizuki scored what proved to be the decisive goal, propelling the side to victory by a slim margin.

The Ravens will next face former champions Giant Zucchini. At their last meeting, the Ravens upset a higher-ranked Giant Zucchini; now that their relative positions are reversed, will the Zucchinis take revenge? Either way, this marks a milestone for the Ravens: it is the first time the national side has progressed to the quarterfinals.

Since nobody bothered to do one yet:
[code:1:9e668708bd]Kingsford (28)----------|
|-Bedistan (3)------------|
Bedistan (3)------------| |
|-Bedistan (3)----------|
Squornshelous (25)------| | |
|-The Belmore Family (13)-| |
The Belmore Family (13)-| |
|-----------------------|
Lemmitania (12)---------| | |
|-Ravenspire (9)----------| | |
Ravenspire (9)----------| | | |
|-----------------------| |
Giant Zucchini (11)-----| | |
|-Giant Zucchini (11)-----| |
Dennisov (22)-----------| |
|------------------
Oglethorpia (10)--------| |
|-Oglethorpia (10)--------| |
Haraki (2)--------------| | |
|-Liverpool England (1)-| |
Gesamtkuntswerk (20)----| | | |
|-Liverpool England (1)---| | |
Liverpool England (1)---| | |
|-----------------------|
Europa Brittania (4)----| |
|-Europa Brittania (4)----| |
Runaway Moose (6)-------| | |
|-----------------------|
Snub Nose 38 (20)-------| |
|-Snub Nose 38 (20)-------|
Tanah Burung (39)-------|[/code:1:9e668708bd]

From: Stephen Rogers, Secretary of Sports and Games, the Federal Democracy of Bedistan
To: Brent Lavalais, Governor of Athletics, the Holy Republic of Kingsford
Subject: RE: An effort for hate

Mr. Lavalais:

We at the Department of Sports and Games are interested in taking you up on your fine rivalry offer. After all, we also seem to be somewhat lacking in rivalries here in Bedistan. What's more, we would be the perfect choice, seeing as how our team eliminated yours from competition in the Ninth World Cup in the second round, a victory over which many of our people still gloat.

We eagerly await your response.

Stephen Rogers
Secretary of Sports and Games
The Federal Democracy of Bedistan

The city of Matebian. Crocodiles coach Bi Kikere appears along with a wizened old man walking with the aid of a cane, two medical attendants, and an IV drip stand. This is Mau Kiri Rai, people's representative for sports & territorial defence. Reporters swarm about the pair, shouting questions. As usual, however, there are no questions allowed.

Mau Kiri Rai steps up to the podium and starts to speak. “The news from Commerce Heights disturbs us. That benighted land, where poets are routinely shot, is now allowing one of its corporations to hang a crocodile from the rafters of the PariMedia Stadium. True, it may be a stuffed crocodile. But do not the stuffed animals also deserve our respect?”

The minister pulls out a scrap of paper from his pocket and starts to read. “In the words of the great Lewis Carroll, who would no doubt be on death row if he lived in Commerce Heights:

[code:1:a9d04ff266]
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
[/code:1:a9d04ff266]

“If you mess with a crocodile, you may get more than you reckoned with.”

Bi Kikere steps forward. “As to this rank talk from Commercial High bean counters are throwing our way: we may be ranked 16, we may be ranked 24, we may be ranked 28. No matter which it is, i’ll be happy. I think they’re just trying to confuse our players with all this number-crunching. Well, it won’t work. Our players are highly educated. What do they take us for, Gilmeecians? Uruk’hai?”

She clears her throat and turns to a new topic. “As many of you have heard, the good folks from Hooligans management have sent me another nice fruit basket, this one containing a bunch of sour grapes. They’re so thoughtful. I have crushed the grapes with my own hands and baked them into a pie, which I will be sending back to Snub Nose 3.14 as a return gift.”

She pauses for laughter, but the reporters just scratch their heads. One or two groan.

Mau Kiri Rai steps forward again. “I am also announcing that today is Non-Hate for Kingsford Day throughout the land. Citizens are invited to gaze at the Kingsford flag and say: ‘Err, they’re OK, I guess.’ Free broadcasts are offered of Kingsford football matches and citizens are invited to watch and cheer in a half-hearted fashion for the Nationals. Coach, anything to add?”

“Well,” Bi Kikere says, “I’d love to play a World Cup in Kingsford some day.”

“As many of you have heard, the good folks from Hooligans management have sent me another nice fruit basket, this one containing a bunch of sour grapes. They’re so thoughtful. I have crushed the grapes with my own hands and baked them into a pie, which I will be sending back to Snub Nose 3.14 as a return gift.”



Huh! Ha, ha ha.

3.14 = Pi

Clever, TB -- clever :wink:

(OOC: Watch out for our Defense Ministry. Those guys tend to get paranoid quite easily. They even threatened to use WMDs against Grigala for the fact that a Grigalan stenographer for a peace conference that a Manhattanite delegate was attending couldn't spell 'Commercial' when the Baetican delegate couldn't remember the appropriate adjective for our citizens! :P )

The Commerce Heights Footballing Federation has sent a complimentary copy of the Commerce Heights Bulldogs World Cup Record Book. At the last minute, a sticky note was placed on the box, saying "Try and beat some of these next Cup!" When asked, the federation's president, who chose to remain anonymous, had no comment about the purpose of the shipment.

Commerce Heights Chronicle - Special International Issue
Anti-Tanah Burung Sentiment Rising In Commerce Heights
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - After Tanah Burung's controversial elimination of Commerce Heights in the World Cup, a fierce rivalry is building between the nations. Yesterday, a life-size bronze crocodile figure was hung from the ceiling of the lobby of the new PariMedia Sports CH Headquarters building near Maxisoft Stadium. The CHFF has purportedly sent several small 'gifts' to Tanah Burung, the purposes of which are not yet known. It is believed that Tanah Burung citizens have similar feelings, as evidenced by a statement by Crocodiles coach Bi Kikere:
As to this rank talk from Commercial High bean counters are throwing our way: we may be ranked 16, we may be ranked 24, we may be ranked 28. No matter which it is, i’ll be happy. I think they’re just trying to confuse our players with all this number-crunching. Well, it won’t work. Our players are highly educated. What do they take us for, Gilmeecians? Uruk’hai?
CHFF and Defense Ministry officials have both been working on crafting a response to these attacks. The Defense Ministry is expected to respond harshly to the adjective 'Commercial High'. A random passer-by was asked about his opinion of the statement, and responded, "What do you mean, the Crocodiles aren't Gilmeecians?"

GIANT ZUCCHINI SPECIAL: Interview with Giant Zucchini National Football Team Head Coach Mr Hurr and Team Captain and Player/Manager of the Squad for World Cup 9 Urk!


Mr Woo: Welcome to this very special programme. Today, we are in Ravenspire for this special interview with Urk, who is with us in the studio, and Mr Hurr, who is with us via video. Firstly, Mr Hurr, congratulations on accomplishing your Degree in Football Management.

Mr Hurr: Thank you, it's an honour to recieve this degree, and an even greater honour to see my country doing so well in the World Cup. It is also a joy to hear that Giant Zucchini will be co-hosting World Cup 10 with One Red Dot. It is a dream come true for all of us.

Mr Woo: Now, in the studio with us, the mercurial Urk, captain of the Giant Zucchini team since World Cup 1 and Giant Zucchini's first player/manager. Urk, many people say that your first year as a player/manager of the national team is a great success. Will you be looking to repeat that for the next World Cup?

Urk: I only agreed to be the player/manager of the team because Mr Hurr's degree course happened to coincide with the World Cup. Although I must say I was quite successful, I think Mr Hurr has much more experience, both from being the Head Coach for the past 30 over years, as well as from what he has learnt from his study overseas. He will take over when we return to Giant Zucchini.

Mr Woo: What do you have to say Mr Hurr?

Mr Hurr: I think Urk has done a fabulous job, bringing the team to the quarter-finals and although they lost to Ravenspire, they played with resiliance, only losing concentration towards the end. I applaud Urk, but if he doesn't wish to continue managerial duties after the World Cup, then I'll take over where I left off in World Cup 8, building on the successes of this World Cup.

Mr Woo: Finally, Urk, many people have commented on your absence from the media since you took over. Is there a reason for this?

Urk: The media is very powerful. It can spur a team or it can sink it. I choose not to take the risk, not until we are out. Now that we are out, I am here.

Mr Woo: Thank you, Mr Hurr, Urk for your time. As for you at home, we bring you Giant Zucchini's next World Cup exploits back in home soil, where One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini host World Cup 10. Until then, this has been Mr Woo for Giant Zucchini Television, goodnight.

Cuparhead wishes to enter a team in the next World Cup. Our country is based in the Bigtopia region.

Ba'basher Paddy, Sports Minister and President of the CFA

[quote="Cuparhead"]Cuparhead wishes to enter a team in the next World Cup. Our country is based in the Bigtopia region.

Ba'basher Paddy, Sports Minister and President of the CFA[quote]
Sign Up for World Cup 10, hosted by Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot! (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=83390&start=620)

Partial transcript of an interview with Amara Akizuki, Ravenspire striker, run on RNN

KM: It certainly was. Now, about yesterday's match... this marked the first time Ravenspire had advanced into the semifinals. What kind of pressure did that put on the team?

AA: Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I think there was remarkably little. Playing on home ground helps immensely, of course; it's hard to be too nervous in a city where you're surrounded by literally millions of fans. I think Sui-Ling was the most nervous...

KM: There are the usual rumors that she's planning to retire after this Cup. I suppose she'd like to go out on top. But we discussed that in an earlier interview.

AA: Yes. Nothing has changed, so far as I know. As you said, though, this is a personal best for us. After our win yesterday, we're into the semifinals.

KM: The lowest-seeded of the four teams, unfortunately.

AA: I think we've got a real shot at the Cup this year, though. It's been a year for surprises -- look at Timway's unusually poor run in qualifiers, or Rejistania's almost managing to qualify as an unseeded side. All we need to do is defeat Bedistan, and then either Liverpool England or Europa Brittania.

KM: What's your wife's take on that?

AA: Kaede is almost childlike in that way -- she has a real love of the game. She's ecstatic about our performance, but I don't think she'll be much less happy if we do lose. It's all in how we play.

KM: Admirable. But the Ravens barely managed to defeat Lemmitania previously, and now they've beaten Giant Zucchini by 1-0. These are pretty slender margins. Are they enough to beat Bedistan, especially coming off a 4-0 victory over The Belmore Family?

AA: Well, we're not The Belmore Family. It's true Kaede is our top scorer, but between Sui-Ling and myself, we've got enough offensive power that Bedistan can't afford to pile defenders on Kaede the way they did Alan Belmore. Although it's too bad about Arawn; it would've been good to have him. Also, we do have the support of the crowd working for us as a psychological edge. I'm not saying it will be a walkover, but don't count us out just yet.

KM: You scored the only goal of yesterday's game.

AA: Yes... that was unusual. Both teams were playing a defensive game, and the ball stayed around midfield. I feel like I should apologize to the fans, actually; it must have seemed a pretty boring match.

KM: There was the incident with Urk around the half-hour mark.

AA: He nearly broke through... Autumn had to scramble for that one. Good thing she managed to deflect it.

KM: Which led to the Arawn incident. But we'll be back to that after these messages...

(OOC: Damn scheduled network downtime...)

She clears her throat and turns to a new topic. “As many of you have heard, the good folks from Hooligans management have sent me another nice fruit basket, this one containing a bunch of sour grapes. They’re so thoughtful. I have crushed the grapes with my own hands and baked them into a pie, which I will be sending back to Snub Nose 3.14 as a return gift.”

Scuttlebutt - Special Edition

Four and Twenty Blackbirds
Europa Brittania Remington Grey

After todays' match against host Europa Brittania, Manager Ben Dover was so infuriated he either could not or would not speak with reporters. Defensive Coach Eileen Dover took his place at the press conference following the match.

While there will be more thorough coverage of the match in this, and other, media later, the following questions and answers are of immediate import. Therefore Scuttlebutt decided to print this report at once.

Q - Eileen, did you hear about the pie Bi Kik...

A - That b...er...witch!

Q - Apparently then, Coach, you did hear wh...

A - Betcher butt we heard! We've already wired the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages.

Q - What do you think will resu...

A - Ben lodged a protest against the match, you know! The nerve!

Q - What?

A - The nerve! She knows what happens when our players get to thinking. This was an underhanded, devious, mean and we believe illegal move by Tanah Burung!

Q - Umm...what was a what?

A - Look, we're Snub Nose 38. Every time our players get any other number in their head - well, they just get confused. That's what's behind this whole "Snub Nose 20 and Snub Nose 3..." business. But this time they've gone too far!

Q - Too far? Could you explain?

A - Pi! Dammit, it's a non-repeating decimal that has no flippin' end!

Q - And?

A - And, our guys got the news right at half time. Of course, it takes a little while for some of 'em to mentally absorb anything. Right there during the second half, on the pitch, in the flow of the match, it came to 'em! And there they stopped, dead in their tracks, their poor little pea brains trying to calculate Pi. Totally unacceptable maneuver by Bi. She hasn't heard the end of this!

Q - Oh...

A - We're sending Tanah Burung a pie of our own. Four and Twenty Blackbirds, baked in a pie, in fact. And someone you all know only as "Margaret" is in contact with PariMedia Sports CH Headquarters in Commerce Heights, asking for the working drawings and plans of their bronze croc. We're gonna install one in 38 Special Stadium at home. Upside down.

This communcation is sent directly from Violeta Bi Bere, People's representative for foreign affairs & human rights, to the Guy Currently in Charge of Stuff for the Bordlerands of Snub Nose 38. Yes, directly to those awesome and dizzying heights of power.

Esteemed Guy Currently in Charge of Stuff,

It has come to my attention that a good-natured rivalry between our countries' football teams has now led to the slaughter of innocent blackbirds.

Rivalry is all well and good. But must we engage in a murderous campaign against innocent birds? Not since Chairman Mao's days has such an insidious campaign been enacted. I hope your government will not allow it to go on.

Another official notice appears in the official government gazette:

Bi Kikere is the coach of our national football team. She is not a spokesperson for foreign affairs. The government of Tanah Burung welcomes the display of crocodiles in other nations' stadiums and thanks them for the gesture of friendship.

Bi Kikere was unavailable for comment. Sources say she was "too busy laughing at foreigners."

Edit: hmmm...missed a perfect opportunity to say something like "we're sorry you're british, too." oh, well... :wink:

yes, yes you did :)

btw ive edited that post on page 37 now :) i suppose it was eversoslightly over the top :)

*we are in what, for want of a better word, we are forced to call the 'offices' of the guy currently in charge of stuff for the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. he is in one of his moods.*

- THEY DID WHAT!?!?
- Sir, they sent a pie to Tanah Bur...
- I KNOW, YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE A RHETORICAL QUESTION WHEN YOU HEAR IT!?
- Esteemed One, I only try to serve and...
- FAIL MISERABLY! THEY HAVE GONE TO FAR! HAVE THEM SKINNED!
- Your Magnificent Malignancy, we cannot find them. It seems...
- CAN'T FIND THEM! CAN'T FIND THEM! WHAT DO WE PAY THAT JACKASS JACK CASS FOR?
- Oh Highest of The High, for his work as the Minister of Super Sec...
- AGAIN WITH ANSWERING A RHETORICAL QUESTION! I'M SURROUNDED BY INCOMPTENCE HERE! SEND ME SOMEONE COMPETENT!
- Elegantly Adorned Majestic Imperical One, that is what you told my predessor to do, resulting in my being sent to...
- CONTINUE TO SCREW THINGS UP!...what are we talking about?
- Oh, Great and Powerful Guy In Charge Of Stuff, we were talking about the "pie" that Ben and Eileen Dover sent to Tanah Burung in response to the "pi" that...
- I KNEW THAT! DON'T THOSE IMBECILES REALIZE I WILL HAVE TO WRITE A LETTER OF APOLOGY? GACK!!!
- Wonder-of-Wonderful, Bestest of the Highmost Mucky Mucks, apparently it didn't occur to them. All we know is, they mailed a key to someone in the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages known only as "Margaret" with a cryptic message about "prisoners in the screening room", and sort of disappeared. They can't have...
- HALF A BRAIN BETWEEN THEM! AUGH!! I MUST SEE FOR MYSELF EXACTLY WHAT WHATEVER IS IN THEIR SKULLS PASSING FOR BRAINS LOOKS LIKE! FIND THEM! BRING ME THE BROOMSTICK OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE...ER...BRING ME THEIR BRAINS NEATLY DISPLAYED IN ZIPLOCK BAGGIES!
- Yes, Oh Zippity Do Dah Among...er...Chief Executive...s. We are searching. We hope to...
- COME OUT OF YOUR COLLECTIVE COMA SOON! TAKE A LETTER!
- I will, Oh Most of the Mosty Mosts, I take a "Q".
- YOU'LL TAKE A Q?!? PICK UP YOUR STENO PAD, AND THAT PENCIL, AND TAKE A LETTER.
- ...urk, oh Wonder of Great Besty Stuff.

"Violeta Bi Bere, People's representative for foreign affairs & human rights, Tanah Burung. Dear Violeta. Please accept my humblest of apologies, on behalf of the people and government of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. Our Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery, Jack Cass, has had his agents trace the steps of Ben and Eileen Dover for the several hours just prior to the mailing of the horrific "pie". He has been able to assure me, and I assure you, that the "Four and Twenty Blackbirds" were, in fact, not live birds, but were chocolate birds. To quote Mr. Cass, "It didn't happen. It will never happen. It isn't happening now." We believe the miscreants meant to do mental harm to the recipient, but had no intent of harming innocent birds."

- Oh, Your Supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness, I am so pleased to hear that no real birds were...
- YOU BOUGHT THAT? GOOD - THEN MAYBE THEY WILL, TOO!

"I also assure you that the perpetrators, once apprehended, will be suitably disciplined. As you noted, they have taken a sports rivalry between our two nations too far. Again, our humblest apologies, etc., etc., etc., and my title and signature."

- Oh, Your Biggness, what do you mean by "etc., etc.,..."
- OH, YOUR BONE-HEADEDNESS, I MEAN THE USUAL HONORIFIC COMPLIMENTARY CLOSINGS. TAKE YOUR PAD, PENCIL, AND IGNORANCE OUT OF MY SIGHT!

btw ive edited that post on page 37 now :) i suppose it was eversoslightly over the top :)

I'm also glad you removed that bit about Egg Chasing being a beautiful sport. :lol:

btw ive edited that post on page 37 now :) i suppose it was eversoslightly over the top :)

I'm also glad you removed that bit about Egg Chasing being a beautiful sport. :lol:

egg chasing is only beautiful if you arent doing it wearing a crashelmet, whilst dressed as a brightly coloured sofa with a big number '88' on your back ;)

to: stephen rogers, secretary of sports and games
from: brent lavalais, governor of athletics
subject: RE: RE: An effort for hate

Mr. Rogers:

The Kingsford National would very much like to have you as a rival. After all, most people are still pissed about the second round. The official record stands at (0-0-1), with The Lions favoring.

Brent Lavalais
Governor of Athletics
The Holy Republic of Kingsford

:shock:

:evil:

:(

Transcript, continued

KM: And we're back. We were just talking about what happened with striker Arawn Frost.

AA: Right. Autumn managed to deflect Urk's attempt, and Fox was quick to clear it. She's really been on the ball this Cup, doing the work of two people and all that. Anyway, Emem -- sorry, that's short for Michael Matthew, it's what we call him -- ran it up the side and passed to Arawn, who went in for the shot. Then he and one of the Zucchini defenders collided. We're not sure just what happened. It wasn't a penalty call, though, and apparently Arawn lost his head.

KM: I'll say. From the tape, it looks like he's getting ready to jump the defender, or maybe the ref.

AA: Not very professional, I'm afraid. Thankfully, he didn't actually start a brawl, but in conjunction with his earlier yellow card, that was enough to send him off.

KM: I understand Hikari Kitsu will be taking his place in the remaining matches.

AA: Yes. That might be a career-ender for him. But Hikari is very talented. I'm sure she's up to the task.

KM: She'll be the third foxgirl on the team, following Kaede and Autumn.

AA: It's good to see more of the Kin taking an interest in football. It's only in the last two decades or so that they began to play in any numbers. Kaede was among the first to make a go at it professionally.

KM: And her success has been fairly influential. But back to the Zucchini match. At the half, the game stood scoreless, with the Ravens down a player. How did you manage to come back and win it?

AA: I can't name a specific moment, or anything. I think the key point is, our defense was unaffected. We managed not to allow any goals. We were making fewer attacks than usual, of course, but you have to expect some sacrifices somewhere when you're short a player. I just got lucky enough to score.

KM: It seemed as if the defenders had shifted to cover Kaede and Sui-Ling, leaving only the keeper between you and the goal. Then that pass came to you.

AA: Lucky, like I said. That was the sort of timing I could only hope for. And to be fair to the Zucchini side, they put up a terrific defense aside from that one slip. After that, we never got closer than maybe 20 meters. It could easily have gone the other way.

KM: We're almost out of time, but let's take a quick look at the Ravens' future. We talked about the forthcoming Bedistan match earlier, but what about after that? You'll be playing either Liverpool England or Europa Brittania -- for the Cup if you defeat Bedistan, for honor if you don't. What's that feel like?

AA: I wouldn't mind facing Europa Brittania again. Last Cup, we came up against them in the round of 16, but we lost. This year, I think we're a stronger team. But even if we weren't, it would be a good, spirited match.

KM: What about Liverpool England?

AA: If it comes to that, we won't be intimidated by facing the champs.

KM: It would be a tough match, though.

AA: So will any other match, at this point. But that's half the fun of it, right?

Kathryn Malley and Amara Akizuki, on RNN

Quarterfinal results (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2152103#2152103) and such are posted. Tomorrow's TGs will be on the late side, but I can't give an estimate.

OOC: Ravenspire, those would be the quarterfinal results. ;)
IC:
From: ceo@parimedia.ic (OOC: .ic stands for the International City between CH, Bedistan, and Lontorica, whre PariMedia HQ is located)
To: margaret@anonymous.sn38
Subject: The Infamous Crocodile
Attachement: tbcroc.zip

The attached file contains all requested information on the bronze crocodile in PariMedia Sports' Commerce Heights division headquarters. We take no responsibility for any confusion about the location of your crocodile, as some have claimed that ours is in Maxisoft Stadium, and the Maxisoft Corporation is already attempting to correct any problems certain reporters have had in spelling 'Maxisoft'.
-CEO Dalen Quaice
PariMedia Corporation

OOC: Er... yes, that's what I meant, of course. I only said "semifinal" because-- Look! Over there! It's a distraction!

...So you see it all makes perfect sense.

(This just isn't my day.)

removed @)%(*$)*^@ dup

*the snub nose 38 hooligans bus, heading home. it's pretty quite. then, someone starts a chant*

"We're Number '#' ! We're Number '#' ! We're Number '#' !"

*two hooligans (we won't name names, but one is a defender and the other a midfielder) look very confused.*

"We're Number '#' ! We're Number '#' !"

*the same two hooligans (and the same two names not named) start trying to climb out the bus windows. several of their team mates hold them back. one calls to the bus driver, who slows down and stops. the team psychologist comes back, and in a very soothing voice begins to talk to these two footballers. as she does so, a team doctor slips around behind them, and gently injects a sedative. a pinch. a quick look back at the doc. a few more soothing words. and, they're out. the bus moves on*

- Doc, I told them they couldn't do that chant! We knew what would happen. Howcome...
- Phyllis, you didn't tell them not to do that chant.
- But I did! I said...oh...
- You said they couldn't chant "We're Number One!" You never said they couldn't chant "We're Number '#' !"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Edit: OOC - Well, we thought we were 6th. However, as we once mentioned, we also think we are Napoleon Bonaparte. We are now unclear about both. That is, what rank we are, and if we are Napoleon B (If we aren't, we need to take off this silly uniform). Until we find out about the rank thing, as an interim measure we have placed '#' where SN38's rank after WC9 should appear. Please feel free to fill in any number you like. Just make believe you're Tanah Burung.

The Columbia Times

Team Members Announce Retirement
Six to pack up, make room for fresh blood

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN EUROPA BRITTANIA AND RAVENSPIRE (PNC) -- As the Bedistan Lions made their way over the ocean from their victory over the Belmore Family in Europa Brittania to meet the co-hosts in Ravenspire, six of the twenty-three team members officially announced their retirement.

Substitute foward Jeanie Fiorita, 28, has stated that she will go home to raise a family.

Substitute midfielder Timothy Bergen, 29, now plans to pursue a career in accounting.

Midfielder Phil Rivera, 33, and defender Alan Greene, 31, are both planning to enter the Bedistan Football League, and they feel they will need to spend all their time concentrating there.

Midfielder Lisa Young, 38, says she's "just too bloomin' old to be doing this anymore."

Perhaps the saddest departure, though, is that of team captain Mike Thomas, also 38. "It's been great playing for the Lions these past sixteen-odd years," he says, "but I think my time has come and I must now step aside to make room for some fresh blood on the team." Unless something happens to him such that he is unable to participate in either of the final two matches of this Cup, he will be the only player to have played in every single match in World Cup 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 -- 77 matches in all.

Many were surprised, though, by the fact that goalkeeper Chuck Mitchell did not make a retirement speech of his own today. He briefly stated, "I had been thinking about retiring at the end of this one, but I'm feeling really good and I'm gonna try to stick around for one more." Mitchell will be the only remaining member of the original World Cup 5 squad who will participate in WC10.

A new captain for WC10 has not yet been named, nor is it known who will take over the six vacated positions.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.

President Louis Gilsterson: All right, all right, settle down. I mean you! Will you people settle down! Stop that chattering, you’re making a bad impression on the foreign press monkeys! Okay, that’s better. Now, you all know why we’re here today, and I know everybody’s really excited about it. So excited you can hardly shut up and listen to me announce it. Okay, so here it is: the Hellmouth is on... its... way!

Okay, people, shut up and settle down! Now after the broadcast a couple weeks ago when those poor poor bastards Grant Rockson and Clem Gilson got flayed to death on live radio by Yog Sothoth and his band of Merry Vampires, it’s been clear that whatever questions regarding the authenticity of said Hellmouth may have been bandied about by certain un-patriotic foreigners, we can say two things for certain: the Hellmouth is real and the Hellmouth is coming to Gilmeecia. What hasn’t been clear is how, and when.

Well, I just got word this afternoon from the Ministry of We’re-so-Damn-Important,-Look-at-Us in Lemmitania that they can’t be bothered to dig the damn thing up, so it’s up to us to take it if we want it. Basically, they think we ain’t gonna be able to spring for the projected hundred-and-fifty-million lemsonians it’s gonna cost to move the damn thing. Well, hah! I just happen to have a couple hundred million lemsonians stashed away that was procured in a perfectly legitimate manner (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=86778), for just such an eventuality! So screw those holier-than-thou lemmings.

At this very moment, a ship is bound for Lemmington Harbor, carrying all kinds of shovels and excavating equipment and jam-packed with personnel specially trained in Hellmouth-excavation expertise. So the Hellmouth should be here in a couple of weeks.

People get ready. Questions? Yeah, Gillian?

GG: Gillian Gilquest, Gilmeecia International Times. Sir, what sort of ship is going to be transporting the Hellmouth to Gilmeecia?

Pres: I don’t know ships. It’s a big transport ship of some kind.

GG: Is it like the one that carried King Kong to New York?

Pres: Um... in 1932, or when they repeated their mistake in 1977?

GG: 1932

Pres: Nope. It’s a lot bigger than that.

GG: Is it like the one that carried King Kong to New York in 1977?

Pres:Yeah, it’s basically like that.

GG: Will King Kong be on the ship?

Pres: What, you mean along with the Hellmouth?

GG: Yes, sir.

Pres: King Kong and a Hellmouth on the same ship?

GG: Yes, sir.

Pres: What would even make you ask a question like that?

GG: My readers want to know.

Pres: Do they?

GG: Do you read the Letters to the Editor?

Pres: Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?

GG: Here, I have this morning’s paper with me. I’ll share a sample.

Pres: Yeah, do that. This isn’t a presidential press conference or anything.

GG: Quote: Dear Mr. Editor, sir. Me an Mooble been hearing all kinds scary things about Heckmouths and giant monkeys coming to get us ‘cause the precedent (sic) says he wants ‘em. Can you please ask the precedent if he’s really gonna put a giant monkey and a Heckmouth on a boat and bring them here to Glimcia? Signed, Miggle Snoutermath. Un-quote.

Pres: Someone actually wrote that?

GG: Yes, sir.

Pres: One of your readers?

GG: That’s right, sir.

Pres: See, that’s why I don’t read the GIT.

GG: You’re missing out.

Pres: Evidently. Well, you can quote me for your readers’ benefit, Gillian: King Kong will not be coming to Gilmeecia. On the boat with the Hellmouth. Unless he’s in Lemmington and he’s real easy to catch, which I doubt. Okay? I hope that puts everybody’s mind at rest.

GG: What about Zombie Kong?

Pres: What about who, now? There’s no Zombie Kong. Is there? Okay, if there’s a Zombie Kong, then I think, yeah, I can unequivocally answer that Gilmeecia freakin’ needs a Zombie Kong. Do you know where there is one?

GG: It was just a speculative question, sir.

Pres: Well, I imagine that if we had regular King Kong, we could kill ‘im, and... no wait, it’d be easier just to let him get bitten by a zombie, prolly. Ned!

Foreign Minister Ned Itchlesby: Yeah, Lou?

Pres: Get Poopselman on this right away!

FM: On what, again, Lou?

Pres: On this Zombie Kong thing. According to Gillian, it’s the biggest thing in WMDs since the U.S. government summoned Gojira out of Tokyo Bay!

GG: That’s right.

FM: Oh, uh. Okay. I’ll ask Lig what it is.

Pres: Don’t ask him, tell him: I want Zombie Kong, and I want him freakin’ yesterday!

FM: I don’t know as we have time-travel technology yet, Lou.

Pres: I don’t mean yesterday literally, you idiot. I mean he’s got to make it his highest priority project, immediately.

FM: Higher than the Zombpire Containment--

Pres: Shuddup! Ixnay on the ombpiresZay, Ned! We got no Zombpires, people. And they’re definitely not running loose. Hell, no.

GG: What’s this about Zombpires, mister Minister?

FM: Uh, Lou says we don’t got no--

Pres: Shuddup, Ned, and keep shuttin’ up! You go talk to Poopselman right now.

FM: Okay, Lou.

GG: My readers want to know, sir: what’s all this about Zombpire Containment?

Pres: It’s nothing. You know what, Gillian? You always struck me as a smart young lady. Seem to have good ideas about new ways to enhance Gilmeecia’s array of non-lethal WMDs. How’d you like a job with the government?

GG: Really, sir? As personal press attaché?

Pres: No! Hell, no. As... I don’t know. How about Secretary of Things Gilmeecia Needs?

GG: Well, offhand, that sounds great. I imagine I’d find out all kinds of juicy things to report in the GIT--

Pres: Okay, you’re not getting my point here. This would be a government job. You’d be sworn to secrecy. See?

GG: Well, I’d have to see a contract.

Pres: Oh, I see. Hardball. All right, this conference is over. Everybody out. Gillian, meet me in my office in half an hour.

Click once, post twice: it's the American way.

Live from Lemmington, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network with your World Cup wrap-up. The Ninth edition of the world’s premiere football tournament saw your Lemmitania Lemmings advance to the second round for the fifth time in seven appearances, and though they lost a nail-biter to host nation Ravenspire, the Lemmings’ stellar first-round perfromance will put them back into the top ten in world rankings. Joining me to discuss the Lemmings past, present, and future are Lana Malestrom, Grant Rockson, and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Clem Gilson.

Lana: Good evenin’, Glick.

Grant: Can we get a ‘eadset for Opie?

Clem: Is he here again? What’s up with that?

Grant: Wull, ‘is mum’s busy.

Clem: What about the on-site day care which we determined LRN provides?

Grant: They said ‘e’s too a’ead of ‘is time. Causes complexes in the other li’le chil’ren.

Glick: Plus, he became the first child ever to devour the entire set of finger-paints.

Grant: They were small.

Glick: Twelve bottles of paint each for twenty children.

Grant: Paint ain’t very filling.

Glick: He ate the bottles.

Grant: ‘e was ‘ungry that day. I’d forgotten to buy ‘im lunch.

Glick: You’re a great father, Grant.

Grant: Thank you, Glick. Coming from an experienced daddy such as yourself, that’s a great compliment.

Clem: Here you go, kid. Just put these over your ears.

Opie: Daddy, that strange man put a headset on me!

Grant: That ain’t a strange man, son, that’s Clem.

Glick: Clem’s the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Opie.

Opie: Daddy says the Dean of Lemmitanananian sports is a fraud.

Clem: Does he, now?

Grant: No, no, no!

Opie: Daddy says he should be the Dean of Lemmitanananian sports.

Grant: No, no, Clem, I’d never! I said I’d like to earn the ti’le, someday.

Clem: Yeah, right.

Opie: Daddy says he used to be the Dean of Lemitanan--

Glick: Grant was never Dean of sports!

Grant: No, I never was!

Clem: Heh heh.

Opie: --anananian sports, but that bad man stole his title and also his seven-figure endorsement check.

Glick: You must be confused, Opie. Grant never had a seven-figure endorsement check.

Grant: No, no, the kid’s prolly delusional, mebbe.

Clem: Heh, heh.

Opie: Daddy says--

Glick: Here, let me help you with your headset, Opie.

Grant: I’m gonna take the wee one down to the kindercare room.

Clem: Heh, heh.

Lana: Bye bye, Opie. What a sweet kid.

Glick: Sure.

Clem: Heh heh.

Glick: So, Lana, Clem, thoughts on World Cup Nine?

Lana: Wull, the firs’ thing that comes to mind, is the two players we ‘ad questions about at the top of the Cup: ‘elen Mellon an’ Joe Lally.

Glick: Two controversial players. A lot of people questioned Coach Mickelson’s decision to start them both, and they both turned in brilliant performances.

Clem: Mellon led all Lemming scorers with sixteen, and she was a great on- and off-field leader.

Lana: She did a fine job as captain.

Glick: Definitely rose to the occasion. Lally gave up about a goal a game, but most important, he didn’t get blown out a single time.

Clem: The three he surrendered to Ravenspire was the most he gave up the whole tournament, and that was including extra time. Really great work from Lally all Cup.

Glick: Other standouts?

Lana: Bing Brickberry. ‘e was there in the thick of the action more times than I can count.

Clem: Lemmy Atom had a great tournament, as well. Ten goals is nothing to sneeze at.

Glick: Definitely. Now, most of the players on this squad have played in three Cups. How many do you think we’ll see returning for World Cup Ten?

Clem: Hmm. Well, Mickelson defied his critics by bringing Mellon back after she was widely considered past her prime. So maybe he’ll surprise us and start a very similar side in four years.

Lana: Could be. I’d look for a lot of retirements in the next four years, though. Most of the players ‘ave been at it for a long time, an’ that’s ‘ard on the knees, you know.

Clem: Don’t start in about Knee-Joint Breakdown--

Lana: Wot! I jus’ said playin’ football for years an’ years is ‘ard on the knees, an’ it is.

Clem: Okay. If that’s all you’re saying.

Lana: Thet’s all I’m sayin’.

Grant: ‘ullo, again. Wot’s all this about KJB?

Clem: Nothing.

Lana: Nothin’ much.

Glick: So, Opie’s all settled in? Not eating the paint?

Grant: No, there ain’t any finger paint now. Someone et it all. But they got some nice, crunchy chalk.

Clem: You’re not encouraging your kid to eat art supplies, are you?

Grant: No! Of course not! Wot would make you say a thing like that?

Clem: Just the fact that you describe them as if they were food.

Grant: I’d never tell Opie to eat chalk.

Clem: Good.

Grant: Of course, it is non-toxic, you know.

Clem: Non-toxic doesn’t mean edible!

Grant: Oh, no, no. I know that.

Clem: Okay, then.

Grant: But while it ain’t particularly nutritious, it is perfec’ly edible, you know.

Clem: We just agreed that it isn’t edible.

Grant: Did we? We mus’ ‘ave been wrong.

Glick: Let’s jus get back to discussing the tournament, okay?

Grant: Oh, sure. You know wot was my favorite game?

Clem: You paid enough attention to them to have a favorite?

Grant: Of course. Me favorite was the one when we ‘ad to climb down into the bowels of ‘ell an’ confront the Vampire People of Middle-Earth.

Clem: What the hell was so great about that?

Grant: Wull, it was fun bein’ et by Yog-Sothoth.

Clem: Oh, we were eaten by Yog-Sothoth, were we?

Grant: Yep.

Clem: So what are we doing here?

Grant: Um... discussin’ bein’ et by Yog Sothoth?

Clem: If we were eaten by Yog Sothoth, how come we’re not being digested in his belly?

Grant: ‘Cause we sneaked out an’ esaped!

Clem: Uh huh.

Grant: It was excitin’!

Clem: Where do you get this stuff?

Grant: It was in the GIT!

Clem: That rag?

Grant: And in other foreign publications.

Glick: I hear they’re going to begin moving the “Hellmouth” soon.

Lana: I ‘ear a ‘ole bevy of GIlmeecian engineers are on their way over with special ‘ellshovels.

Clem: Hellshovels?

Lana: Shovels wot they use to dig up ‘ellmouths.

Clem: Obviously. I hear the squatters are suing to prevent their shanty-town being disrupted.

Grant: Those weren’t squatters, they were vampires.

Clem: Squatters.

Grant: Vampires!

Clem: Squatters!!

Grant: Squatting vampires.

Glick: Can I just cut this off by saying, “whatever?” We’ve gotten way off-topic.

Clem: Fine.

Grant: Vampires.

Glick: And on that note, we’ll be wrapping up the International portion of our broadcast. For our Lemmitanian listeners, we’ll be returning after some important messages.

The Gilmeecia International Times

Where the news crawls to die

Hellmouthsapoppin’!

by Gillian Gilquest, exclusive to the GIT

Lemmington, Lemmitania-- The S.S. Beelzebub docked yesterday on Pier 17 in Lemmington Harbor after a week’s voyage across treacherous seas from Gilmeecia. Packed with enchanted shovels, backhoes, dumptrucks, loaders, and miscellaneous construction vehicles, as well as a team of hundreds of Gilmeecian and foreign engineers, demolition and construction experts, flamethrower-wielding Ground Forces troops, and general occult experts, the ship has been anxiously awaited by Lemmitanians eager to rid themselves of the world’s third-most-active Hellmouth. Excavation begins tomorrow.

At this point, it is unknown precisely how much actual earth will need to be moved along with the spiritual vortex of the Hellmouth, but it is estimated that the physical dimensions of the Hellmouth in transit will be close to 100 meters on a side. No decision has been announced regarding President Gilsterson’s request to the Lemmitanian government to allow Ground Forces to incinerate the Vampire Hoard known to be camped outside the Hellmouth, but if they don’t want ‘em fried, they’d better move ‘em themselves.

Kickassers’ World Cup X roster announced

Gilmeecia-- In a brief press conference yesteday, Coach Horschackio announced that there would be no substantive changes to the Kickassers’ lineup for World Cup X. “Everybody’s getting older, and wiser... well, older, anyway,” he said. “So we’ll just stick with the same squad. Why mess with a good thing? We may even have McPhee back.” When pressed by reporters for details, Coach would only say, “Well, I’ve been told that he’ll be contained in the near future. And once we have him in custody, it’s just a minor adjustment to put him back on the team.” Itis not known at this time whether the late Gilgamesh McPhee is a vampire, or a Zombpire. Either way, he’ll make a cracking midfielder.

Gillian Gilquest appointed to Cabinet post

Adios, readers. This reporter has accepted a job with President Gilsterson as Secretary of Things Gilmeecia Needs to Get. From now on, I’ll be living the good life, thinking up stuff for us to acquire.

To: GIT, Editor

From: Skaialuk the Insane
Warnocks Wizards Resident

Dear GIT:

As a loyal reader of your fine bird cage liner, I have a question for you.

How many Hellmouths can fit on a pin? What is the spirtual size of such a realm?

I'll hang up now and listen to your answer,

Skaialuk the Insane
New Rivendell Psychiatric Hospital
Empire of Warnocks Wizards

The GIT'll never print that. Use shorter words. :wink:

The GIT'll never print that. Use shorter words. :wink: Example provided below

To: Ummm...

We read 'da GIT.
We wanna know sumptin'.
How many of 'em fit on a pin?
How big is 'da - like - place?
Okie Dokie.

Bye
From: Us

Heh heh.

The Gilmeecia International Times

Where the news crawls to die

Trouble at the Heckmouth!!!!111!!1

by Mooster McPhooster, special to the GIT

Oh my goodness it was all craizy at the heckmouth today cuz there was these giuys that said they dint want the heckmouth to be dug up and they dint think it was fair and then these guys told em Yes it is, you guys, and they sid, no it isn’t! cuz we Live There!!!!!11!!!1! and then the soldiers had the flamethrowers and they went Zap! Zap! And the guys ran away and maybe some of em got burntded but the Lemitanananananian policeman said You cant shoot my people with your zap-throwers!! Your BAD!!!11!!1 and the Ground Forces guy said Huh! And maybe there was a war.

I don’t like it here in lemitanananaiananaiana cuz it semlls funny.

And then there was, ummmm… there was a big exploshun and the ground was all shakey like if we walked on a big Jello Bowl and Some fire came out of the ground and there was a lot of yelling anscreaming too. And my editor sez I haf to stay here and keep telling you what happens , so I will but I don’t like it.

Op/Ed

On Hellmouths, pins, and such

It has come to our attention, dear readers, that many of you wish to know how many Hellmouth-derived demonspawn may dance on the head of a pin. This is a critical theological question, and one of the vexing issues of our day. In the 14th century, Monks of the 24-hour Church of Gil in Tanah Burung first raised the topic, primarily as a spiritual exercise but also as an unguent against the Black Plague, which was voraciously ravaging the monastery at the time. As an unguent, it failed miserably; but as a “Godly brainteaser,” the question quickly became the hottest thing since cooked gizzards (which were very big in Tanah Burung in the 14th century, owing to the plague-like abundance of birds in the region).

Alas, the Monks of Gil (14th century-Black Plague branch) failed to find the magical forumla that could answer the question once and for all. In latter days, the debate has been taken up by such myriad thinkers as Michelangelo, who depicted a nice, round, eleven demonspawn sancing on the head of a pin outside the Roman Hellmouth in his famous “Cistine Chapel Ceiling” fresco; Buckminster Fuller, who is said to have invented a microscopic rocket-ship for the demonspawn to fly around in, should they decide to vacate the head of the pin; and British author Douglas Adams, who famously claimed that no fewer than 42 demonspawn could dance on the head of a pin.

Today, with our supercomputers and Vampire Slayers, one might think that the question could finally be laid to rest. But, much like fabled Moola Gilsterson, who after being laid to rest rose up from the grave to feast on the succulent brains of the living, this conundrum may never truly be restful. For, just when you’ve acquired a subatomic microscope capable of viewing up close the occupants of the head of a pin, you find that the Laws of Physics have suddenly changed, and everything’s all Quantum now, and wishy-washy, and squishy, and what’s worse, deconstructionist, and nobody really knows anything with certainty, anymore.

So you can count them, and you can count them again, but at the end of the day, you’ll never know for sure: was that twelve demonspawn on there doing the jiggy-dance, or was it, maybe, thirteen? The world shall never know.

DEFENDING CHAMPS FALL AT PENULTIMATE HURDLE: EUROPA BRITTANIA OVERCOME LE 2-1

Liverpool England 1 (Cannon 67th penalty)
Europa Brittania 2 (Lionel 87th, Kiewitz 89th)

In a dramatic last three minutes, the Liverpool England side leading 1-0 suffered a stroke: two goals were let in. For some, this brings back memories of the 1999 Champions League Final (Bayern 1, Man Utd 2/Sheringham 89th, Solskjaer 90th).
Europa Brittania dumped the champions aside in dramatic fashion: Lionel scoring the equaliser three minutes from time direct from a corner. With one minute and stoppage time to go, Kiewitz managed to get in a header which led to a scramble in the box, and the final rebound from Lionel taking a deflection off Kiewitz to end the game, and the hope of retaining the World Cup for the champions. Liverpool England now face either Ravenspire, the other co-host, or Bedistan, in what would be a repeat of the WC8 World Cup Final.

You are watching EuropaSport Live! .





-------------------------World Cup IX------------------------

-Semi-Final Match-

(Europa Brittania)

-V-

(Liverpool England)

----------------------------------------------------------------



"The flags of Brittania fly around, resplendid in their home colours sit almost one hundred thousand Brittanians. You join me now at the Junnon Point memorial stadium, E.B. For the semi-final match of WCIX, Brittania have come home once more, and face one final hurdle to overcome before they can march on to the final of the competition they co-host. I'm joined in the studio for commentary from David Winter, The legendery Khandrias hitman and Brittanian international. It's great that you've made it David."

Winter: "Its fantastic to be here, thanks Clark."

"We're barely ten minutes from kick off, and the one hundred seventy thousand seater we're coming live from is sold out and on its feet in anticipation. Teamsheets are up, and now we'll take a look at who will be taking to the field."

--Liverpool England--

------------------------------------- Hearne-------------------------------------
-

--------------------------- Hert ----Davhere----Jomas---------------------------


------ Langley-------Locklin-------Hamark-------Cannon (C)-------Winter -----


-----------------------------Dussis------Christopher-----------------------------




"LE switch to a 3-5-2, so we're going to be seeing both coaches tactical naunces pushed here. LE will look to flood the midfield, where they'll not be struggling to outnumber EB numerically, but will have to cope with three potent strikers against a back three which hasn't distinguished itself perfectly recently. Up front the formidable pairing of Dussis and Christopher will be trying against the inexperienced Brittanian Centrebacks, and they'll rely on Mark Reeves for direction and supervision.

-Europa Brittania-

----------------------------------------- Reeves[C]--------------------------------


Kainyon-------------------O'Hanrahan----------Zlichrix---------------------Stacey


-----------------------------Huntly----Kiewitz---Stalhan----------------------------


------------------------------Lester---Lionel---Lomardi-----------------------------

Substitutes- Hansen, Olivers, Strazt, Simmons, Dominique, Lhitomer & Juliensen

"Coach Alistair Hughes fields an unchanged starting eleven, going once more with his favoured 4-3-3, the formidable triple L partnership of Lester, Lionel, Lomardi proving to be fruitful. Juliensen recovers from his thigh strain sufficiently to return to the bench, having yet to play any competitive WC IX matches."

"We're moments from kick off as the players enter the field. The screams are drowning me out, I'm sorry if you can't hear me to well at home. Oh! I wish you could be here, what an electrifying atmosphere!"

The captains meet, shake hands and exchange banners. The crowd roar all around and EB win the coin toss. They'll be shooting for goal on our right. A quick mascot photo and its time for action. Lester rolls the ball, and Lionel pumps it forward, this SemiFinal is on!"

----*----

"We're entering fifteen minutes played now, little in the way of goal action. LE breaking down the right only moments earlier, a great ball from Locklin found Christopher in space, but his effort was well wide of the mark and a wasted chance. EB with posession now. A short kick from Reeves, to O'Hanrahan. O'Hanrahan out wide to Kainyon, who takes it upfield. Long strides from the confident youngster. Its a short one to Huntly, who pushed forward still. EB pushing past the halfway line, closing on the eighteen yard box, its a cuite cutback to Stalhan who deftly sends a chip into the box. Lester picks up but his control is poor and the Hearne should pick that up. No! He's fumbled, its back out, Lionel! Oh, he's blazed that effort into row ZZ."


----*-----

"Forty minutes on the clock now, and whilst the game is flowing thick and fast, both defences have kept it tight, and snuffed out any chance of a goal. A long ball from Hearne finds Cannon. Cannon takes a look and plays it forward, over the head of O'Hanrahan. Duisses picks up and shoots! Its well tipped away by Reeves, who is up instantly to scream at his defence."


HALF TIME

Europa Brittania 0 Liverpool England 0


----*-----

"Fifty minutes now, Midfield bogging down and holding the ball, its collected by Huntly just inside the Brittanan half, its played backwards, picked up by Zlichrix, who lofts it ahead, its a poor ball, and its out of play and a throw in to LE."

----*-------

Sixty five minutes played, its still EB nil LE nil. But it might be different now as LE push upfield, Christopher holds it as Cannon and Duisses arrive to lend a hand. Cannon takes it out left, and its swung in. A week header from Zlichrix clears it to the feet of Cannon, its a melee inside the EB box, and O'Hanrahan slides in to tackle. Christopher's down and the referee stops play.....he points to the spot, LE have themselves a penalty!"

Adding insult to injury, both Reeves and O'Hanrahan are cautioned for dissent, and they may have a case. Replay shows O'Hanrahan's won the ball clearly, maybe a touch on Christopher's right shin, but not enough to bring him down for a penalty. Well now its done and dusted, and Cannon will step up.

The stadium is a chorus of boos and whistles, Cannon begins the run, strikes, and its BACK OF THE NET! Cannon on sixty seven have handed the reigning world champions the lead."


--*----

Relentless Brittanian pressure is recieving little reward. Great runs and accurate longballs are swatted and bundled away by the LE back three successfully, and mopping up anything thats thrown at them. Unless Brittania score soon, this one could be over in all but official acknowedlgement.


--*---

"The throats of the massive LE travelling support sound no hoarser as we move into the final minutes, eighty five by my watch. EB win a corner and Zlitchrix will take. Everyone bar Mark Reeves is deep inside the box, but fortune does not smile on the co-hosts, and a Semi-Final exit is only minutes away. The ball is floated in, Lester makes the run.....he's dummied it, and Hearnes drawn! Lionel escapes Jomas and makes contact, Hearnes stretches, but its beyond him and EB have scored!" The World Champions have been stunned here, an eighty seven minute header has put Brittania back on to level terms, and they might just survive into extra time."

Le now will counter attack, looking to get into extra time and a ease the pace of a frantic match. Christopher drives a low shot straight at Reeves, and its well caught. Immediatley the Captain has dispatched it, and Kainyon is galloping up the field, He's dodged a tackle from Cannon, and now Locklin. Huntly to his left, Lionel and Kiewitz making it into the LE box. Lomardi makes the overlapping run and recieves the ball, he takes it to the line, outpacing Haamark. The cross comes in, first time volley by Huntly! Hearnes palms away, but suceeeds only in gifting Lester! Lester shoots and its headed off the line by Jomas! Its a mad scramble as we enter the eighty ninth minute, Lionel's got it, he's had a go, and Kiewtiz has deflected it totally, its way out to the left hand post, Hearnes is stranded, its in! Europa Brittania are two goals up with less than a minute to be played!"

LE take centre quickly, but even the Reigning Champions are struggling, its smashed upfield, but calmly taken by Stacey. Stacey takes his time, before launching it back into the air, before an LE player can take posession the final whistle blows, and EB are through to the final!"


FINAL SCORE-

Europa Brittania 2 Liverpool England 1

Lionel 87 Cannon 67 [Pen]

Kiewitz 89

Does this mark the first time a host has made it to the final? Lemmitanian historians believe it is...

Good luck, EB! You've been waiting a long time for this.

Does this mark the first time a host has made it to the final? Lemmitanian historians believe it is...

Good luck, EB! You've been waiting a long time for this.No. WC8 Bedistan.

Bedistan to Reach Finals Again?

The results are in from the Bedistan-Ravenspire semifinal match, but we at the Columbia Times are still busy preparing our report. Find out tomorrow whether we will face Europa Brittania in the final, or whether we are destined to repeat the WC8 final match -- only for third place this time.

[OOC: I just got home half an hour ago, and I'm far too tired to attempt a report right now. You'll have to wait till tomorrow. ;)]

College Am. Football or Football?
Rob Berlin, Kingsford Today

There's a battle going on in Kingsford. A battle between sports. It seems that more and more spectators grow for both College American Football and Football, tieing for the most popular sports in the Holy Republic.

Of course, when 110,000 fans packed the Ole Green Salvie in Alotion for the annual college classic "Tiberius Bowl" between #1 Northern Islands University Seawolves and #6 Alotion International University Fishermen, it was clear that this sport had become a national pasttime.

When 40,000 fans flew to Europa Brittania to watch the Kingsford National play Bedistan in the playoffs, it was clear that the sport was rapidly gaining support.

So will one ever take an edge on the other?

It appears not. The instant prestige created by college football (first supported by Alotion International University just 1 year ago) has attracted many fans in the central, north and east, however most northerns and southerns love their football clubs.

So who knows what the future holds? Perhaps college football will die in a few years. Perhaps football will go out of date. No one knows for sure. We'll just have to go with the flow and let history write itself.

OOC: Managed to steal some time to come in and check how the WC is going. Six days left till I'm back 100%. Anyway...

The Freedom Papers - Afternoon Edition

Controversy Resurrects ORD, ORD Faces Familiar Exit Door
By Ken Takajima, Freelance Writer

It was not too long ago that it was a desperate attempt on Matchday 13 of the Qualifications that ORD finally let reality sink in and accept that ORD would not be making the cup. It was a very sad time not only for the team, but also for the citizens. It was like as though the English had come to colonise ORD once again. The feeling was terrible. However, events to follow changed the flow for ORD.

The independant nation of East Spaam (similar to East Timor, which is an independant country, and Timor, which is an island of Indonesia) decided to pull out. Of course, this meant that Spaam, which was next in line in the group could qualify. This was met with great protest as many nations felt it was unfair that these so-called "puppet" nations could substitute themselves with a "owner" nation. A great controversy followed as many demanded that both nations should be withdrawn and a boycott by Spaam itself. It was a turbulent time not only because the World Cup was delayed but discord was also sown in the international football community.

However, amidst the arguments and the final withdrawal of East Spaam, ORD could finally take their place. Although it was improper to enter the cup in such a manner, nevertheless, we were honoured that we could compete for the cup one more time.

Things did not look very cheery from then as ORD suffered three knockout losses but it was the contentment of being able to be in the cup which drove the players forward. Now the World Cup proceeds into the semifinals, eight worthy nations will be dwindled into four worthy nations to compete. The cup is in sight now and before you know it, World Cup 10 starts and ORD has the privilage of hosting such a monumental event. The entire nation knows that after six world cups exiting at the same stage, being a host doesn't mean a confirmed entry into the second round. But whatever the case, it is the passion which holds the fans and players together to keep ORD fooball alive.

Oops, error.

The Gilmeecia International Times

Where the news crawls to die

Oh man oh Man, What Was that?!!?!1!

by Mooster McPhooster, Lemmitanian correspondent

Lemmington—It almost hit me in the eye!! OW!! That woulda hurt, so its’ a good thing it dint. They almost got the Heckmouth loaded onna the ship now an its rilly rilly big an all kinda crazy stuff keeps flyin out of it an the soldiers are all nervous cuz they think somethin bads gonna happen an I DO TO! All the time since they dug it outa the ground the Heckmouths been makin all kinda yucky noises like gugrling an like if your tummy was all upset an you had rilly bad diarreya an that’s about what it smells like tooo. YUCK!!!1!!11

An I saw a demon come out of it an he was wrestlin with a Ground Forces and it was jus like on TV when that wrestler and that other wrestler were wrestlin that time an one of em throws the other one outa the ring BAM an he lans on his back on a chair an the chair brakes an so duz his back Bam and he screams “OOOOWWwweeewoOOWeeee my back is brokne!@” and that’s wut happined. Then there was all that zapping and the flamthrowers made a lot of fire and people were on fire. I think. Maybe they was vampires to, I dontknow.

I want my mommie by my editor sed, “Not till you come HOME!!!11!!11” an wouldn’t let me even tak to her on the phone. Hes all meen an maybe when the Heckmouth gets to Glimcia a bad demons gonna eat him up for it an chew on him.

Prologue
The Jackass Party had managed to keep the general populace under control with their secret police and specially trained assassins. The economy was twenty times better than when they had come to power, exports had quadrupled. The country was producing enough arms a year to kill several small nations. Research and Development into spacecraft was going ahead, with trillions of Meeps being poured into it. If only they weren’t so oppressive to the people, sure production would suffer a little, but there wouldn’t be a revolution brewing...

(Reserved for RP because I just finished working a long shift and am way too tired to do it justice tonight. In the meantime, I'd like to say: Lem/Gil, you scare me. And I mean that in a good way. 8) )

Repeat of WC8 Final: For WC9 Third Place
Ravenspire today defeated Bedistan, making double-history. It is the first time two hosts face off in a final, and it is the first time two teams face off against each other in the same round in two consecutive cups (Final and 3rd place match technically are the same round). Liverpool England fans, already in Europa Brittania where the third place match is to be held, were shocked by the news that they were to face Bedistan - again. Can Dussis, Cannon and Christpher do what they did in WC8? Can they get past the Bedistani defence again? Will they secure third place? Can they get a second-placed rank (Ravenspire rankings, not Spaam rankings)? Tune in to LEINN's special coverage of the match, but for now, good bye.

Letter to da Edit Guy of GIT
'Bout watcha writted - um - On Hellmouths, Pins, and Such

Oh

Bye

Kaze Progressa would like to refer all the participating nations of World Cup 9 to the scores/tables thread, where discussion between the existing ranking system, the Spaam/ELO system and the new KP/Bedistan system is ongoing.

Kaze Progressa would like to refer all the participating nations of World Cup 9 to the scores/tables thread, where discussion between the existing ranking system, the Spaam/ELO system and the new KP/Bedistan system is confusing. :wink:

LOL :D It's not far off either :)

The Columbia Times

Oh No, Not Again...
Bedistan to face Liverpool England in third place match

Things were looking perfectly fine for the Bedistan Lions. They had reached the semifinals for the third consecutive time, a feat matched only by the legendary Brazillico. They were coming off a massive 4-0 win over The Belmore Family in the quarterfinals. The Bedistani Gambling Service (BGS) had given the Lions 3-2 odds on knocking out the co-hosts and fighting for the Cup once again.

The BGS was in error.

Both the Bedistan and Ravenspire sides fought bravely in the first half, but to no avail as the half ended without any goals having been scored. The second half saw many chances for both sides, but both Oldenburg and Mistmarch successfully parried away any stray shots headed in the general direction of the goal. The best shot came from Darren Morlock in the 71st minute: a screaming header with just enough spin on it to make it into the bottom right corner of the goal -- but Darren had underestimated the opposing keeper, and she just barely managed to turn the ball away.

Into extra time the match went. Both Morlock and Claire Briscoe attempted to put the ball in again, but again they were denied. The Bedistani supporters in the crowd gasped in horror as "the eternal one" Mike Thomas accidentally took down a Ravenspire striker near the end of the period, allowing a penalty kick. The striker went right, but Oldenburg went left, and the ball sailed into the net unopposed. The Lions were unable to retaliate.

Ravenspire's win makes World Cup history -- the first time two co-hosts have faced each other in the championship match. It also gives us a repeat of the previous Cup's championship, as the Lions must now face defending champions Liverpool England to defend their honor and possibly come home with at least third place. For those who could not make it to Ravenspire to watch the match, it will be carried live on BSTV, BNN, and BNT. Check your local listings for details.

Final score:

Full time:
Bedistan 0
Ravenspire 0
After extra time:
Bedistan 0
Ravenspire 1 (<player> 116)

Does anyone else think it is a tiny bit suspisous having both hosts in the final?

TBF... maybe. Maybe not. But it's sure a spooky coincidence :D

Does anyone else think it is a tiny bit suspisous having both hosts in the final?
I thought it was suspicious that both hosts were in the semifinals, too. :P

I'm certain that the hosts are being above board. I mean, they have better things to do with their lives than fix results in a fake football simulation, right?

Two things to consider: hosts have traditionally not advanced very far, but the new system takes home-field advantage into account. We can expect to see hosts (Bedistan last time, Ravenspire & EB this time) exceed expectations as long as we use this system. I think that's appropriate, but if it's too much, maybe modify the home-field advantage to reduce it during the Cup proper.

Second, the traditional practice is for no country to generate its own results. Again, i don't believe for a second that any results are being manipulated, but letting the last host (or a WCC high mucky-muck) generate results for the current host has removed any hint of suspicion. It would slow things down, but i don't see that as entirely a bad thing.

I think that this is a case of overdone home advantage rather than cheating. Some would argue they're one and the same (LE? :D) but I don't.

My idea to ensure no cheating is simple:

Have one country generate the other country's results. So if Country A hosts Groups A-D and Country B hosts Groups E-H, Country B generates results for A-D and Country A generates E-H results. (Country A could be placed in Group D and Country B in Group H, before the draw itself is made - this is how the draw for the Korea-Japan WC was done.)

...hosts have traditionally not advanced very far, but the new system takes home-field advantage into account. We can expect to see hosts (Bedistan last time, Ravenspire & EB this time) exceed expectations as long as we use this system. I think that's appropriate, but if it's too much, maybe modify the home-field advantage to reduce it during the Cup proper.
As I recall, Bedistan had to play Europa Brittania in the WC8 semifinals in Oglethorpia, thus negating home-field advantage. Ravenspire and EB have played all of their games at home. :?

EDIT for Kaze Progressa's post:
Hosts generating each others' results, along with hosts playing games at each other once in a while, would probably be a fairly good way to ensure that the hosts do not have an excessive advantage.

I think that this is a case of overdone home advantage rather than cheating. Some would argue they're one and the same (LE? :D) but I don't.

My idea to ensure no cheating is simple:

Have one country generate the other country's results. So if Country A hosts Groups A-D and Country B hosts Groups E-H, Country B generates results for A-D and Country A generates E-H results. (Country A could be placed in Group D and Country B in Group H, before the draw itself is made - this is how the draw for the Korea-Japan WC was done.)
Thats how Reji and I are goin to do WC 11 if we get it.

I personally have no suspicion of cheating whatsoever, for what it's worth. :?

We were originally planning to have a third party generate our results in WC8, but when it was taking a while to find someone, we just decided that Ogle would generate results for any of my matches, and vice versa. It seems to have worked pretty well.

i have no suspicions either, but i think a third party should run the scores for the final :)

I agree, and therefore taking into account Raven's thoughts also, would preliminarily ask Audio to generate the final result.

Also, you would all have my word I would not cheat or doctor results. I have been in this competition long enough to accept anything it throws at me.


So then....

EB for the cup.

OOC: Actually, I haven't been using home-field advantage for the Cup. Only for qualifiers.

I have no objection to Audioslavia, or anyone else, generating the finals, but for the sake of fairness, I should mention that I've already run the match, and EB won by a decent margin -- so I would only stand to gain from such an occurrence.

In the interest of...oh, pooh. I say, let it stand. If EB won, EB won. Let me be the first to congratulate the Europa Brits on winning WC9. And for that matter, the Ravens as well - 2nd 's not so shabby.

/me agrees with SN38

Congratulations, EB. It's been a long time, but you finally made it. :D

KM: Welcome back to live coverage of the ninth Football World Cup semifinals. I'm here in Sargard with Michael Black, as the Ravens are preparing to face the Bedistan Lions.

MB: The Lions are coming off an absolute rout of The Belmore Family, Kath, while the Ravens have barely managed to hang on through the previous rounds. I see the coach is playing all the starters... probably a good idea, that. They'll have to really be on to challenge Bedistan.

KM: All except Arawn Frost, that is. Following the incident during the Giant Zucchini match, he won't be playing in either of the remaining matches.

MB: Ah, yes. They've substituted the foxgirl... fortunately, we've still got Kaede and Sui-Ling in there.

KM: There's the start. Bedistan in control... Amara Akizuki steals it -- no, wait, Darren Morlock's just taken it back. Michael Matthew Maule contests it at midfield. Looks like he's... no, he doesn't. Wait, he's taken it. A pass to Kaede, intercepted by Mike Thomas. They don't seem to be making much progress.

MB: I'm sure we'll be seeing something soon, though.

20 minutes later...

KM: ...Which is intercepted. Again. And the Ravens have actually crossed onto Bedistan's half of the pitch... no, Kaede's lost it, it's coming back.

MB: Well, one thing you have to say for them, these teams clearly both want to win badly.

KM: ...Yes, because gods know most teams don't.

MB: Okay, fine, I'm running out of commentary, and it's only 20 minutes in. Happy?

KM: Ecstatic. Incidentally, as you've all seen, the ball just changed possession four more times while we were having that little discussion.

MB: Still, it's a testament to the skill of the teams. Bedistan definitely seems to be dominating possession, but they aren't having much luck getting the ball past the Ravens' midfield. There's been only one shot so far, and I don't think even the Lions expected that one to score.

KM: Maybe not, but the Ravens haven't even managed that. Every time they cross that line, they lose the ball within a few seconds.

MB: It seems that both teams were hoping for an early lead, and committed to some offense play. It may be a question of who tires first, now.

45 minutes

KM: And we've reached the half with no goals scored, and no sign of either side's effort letting up.

MB: As we enter the second half, it will be interesting to watch the outside strikers. The Ravens' usual method in the early second half is to pass to one of them, who then runs up the side and deep into the opponents' side of the pitch. Then they either look for their shot, or pass to Kaede.

KM: Do you really think they're likely to try that against Bedistan? They've got to be familiar with the Ravens' tactics.

MB: Yes, and that's exactly why they wouldn't be expecting it, because they would know that the Ravens would know that they would know their tactics, so they would think they would try to come up with something different to surprise them, so they'd be expecting the unexpected. Therefore, the expected would be unexpected, and they'd be caught by surprise by their tactics, which they wouldn't expect because they'd been expected to be expected!

KM: You lost me there. Could you repeat that?

MB: ...I don't think so.

54 minutes

KM: Kaede takes the shot, but it's fairly weak... and, as expected, Oldenburg blocks it. Now we're headed back toward Ravenspire's half...

MB: Remarkably skilled keeper, Oldenburg.

KM: And it looks like we're back to exchanging possession again. Well, it's certainly not for lack of trying...

69 minutes

KM: The ball is stolen right from under Amara, and now Claire Briscoe's got it. Down the center, unusual choice but it seemed to have worked, because she's past Kaede already. Michael Matthew Maule tries to take it, but only manages to inadvertantly transfer possession over to Darren Morlock.

MB: Morlock has evaded the midfielders, but Fox Lee is coming in. That's probably it, then; she's been-- whoa!

KM: He's past Fox. Nice bit of footwork there, too. She's already coming after him, but it won't be fast enough, he's setting up for his shot... and there it goes, low into the corner.

MB: Deflected!

KM: I don't believe it. Even diving for that one... how did Autumn reach it?

MB: Just by the tips of her fingers, apparently, but it was enough to push the ball to the outside. And now the defenders are working to clear it.

KM: Too close for comfort for the Ravens, Mike. They seem to be feeling the pressure, now.

93 minutes

KM: And there's the whistle... at the end of regulation time, we still have no score. We're going into extra time, and perhaps into penalty kicks.

MB: It's a suspenseful way to decide the match, though I doubt either team would be entirely happy with a penalty-kick victory.

KM: It may not come to that. The Lions press the attack again -- there's Darren Morlock with another shot, not quite as well-placed as his previous one, fortunately; Autumn's got it.

101 minutes

MB: The crowd is getting restless now. Perhaps something's about to happen.

KM: Maybe so, Mike... Claire Briscoe has just broken past the Ravens' midfielders.

MB: But the defense is on her... uh oh, two of Ravenspire's players have just mutually prevented a save. They must be getting tired, if they're getting in each others' way like that. There's the shot, high and near the center...

KM: Autumn gets a hand on it and tips it over. She looks disappointed, probably because she didn't catch it.

MB: Still, a deflection will do. The Ravens seem to be preparing an attack of their own...

114 minutes

KM: The Ravens have managed to recapture possession after that last disastrous attempt. Sui-Ling has the ball... passes to Amara. Amara to Kaede, and she's past the midfield, closing in... ouch!

MB: Kaede's just been taken down by Mike Thomas. That looked somewhat painful, Kath.

KM: Not intentional, though. That's an indication that the Lions are tiring, too. Kaede is getting up... she looks okay. The Oglethorpian official has awarded a penalty kick, though, and the Bedistani fans are not happy about that. Kaede has a touch-and-go record with penalties, but giving up an opportunity at this phase could prove fatal for the Lions.

MB: Speaking of Oglethorpia, I met that White chap when he was announcing here. Did I tell you?

KM: The "identity theft" guy?

MB: Yeah, him. Pretty decent sort, really.

KM: Good grief.

MB: Here, now--

KM: It's in! Kaede Kitsuki has scored a goal! Could that be the match?

It could, indeed.

KM: And that's the match: Ravenspire over Bedistan, 1-0 in extra time. I believe that was the hardest match yet, Mike.

MB: They're to face fellow hosts Europa Brittania next, on their home ground. That's bound to be harder; the Britons have yet to lose a match, and boast a goal difference in the double digits. In fact, even if Ravenspire should win the Cup, it's almost certain that Europa Brittania will come away ranked first in the world. It would take an unheard-of result for the Ravens to overcome that gap in the goal differential.

KM: We'll be reporting on the match from Europa Brittania as it occurs. Meanwhile, RNN will also be carrying coverage of the Bedistan-Liverpool England match, reprising World Cup 8's final, which takes place right here in Sargard.

Kathryn Malley and Michael Black, reporting for RNN

(OOC: Bedistan, I'll be using Morlock as the scorer. Would this be okay?)
Welcome to LEINN's LIVE coverage of the WC9 Third Place Match between Liverpool England and Bedistan in Ravenspire. Today, your host, Jamie West! And your commentators, Josh Hinar and Decaltré Jomans!

JW: Thank you, voice over! Welcome to our coverage of the Ninth World Cup, Ravenspire and Europa Brittania! Today my two colleagues are in Ravenspire for this match between Liverpool England and Bedistan, in a repeat of last Cup's final! Now, let me get pre-match analysis and predictions. Now, boys, the champs were knocked out by hosts Europa Brittania, whom I hear have just finished the final victorious, while Bedistan were KO'ed by Ravenspire. Thoughts, and confirmations?

JH (Ravenspire): Yes, Jamie. EB have indeed won the World Cup, my partner Decaltre Jomans is just back from the game, and he's got things to tell us.

DJ (Europa Brittania): Hello, Josh. I can tell you that EB have won the Cup, but due to a media gag for some reason we can not release the score.

JH (R'spire): Has the trophy been handed out?

DJ (E B'nia): Not yet. They are awaiting the other match.

JW (L'p Eng): Boys, can you tell me what do you think about tonights game? Most of the LE first team are back home except for Dussis and Cannon, the two main scorers, and Hearne, the goalie.

DJ (EB): LE will probably win it. My money's on the odd goal, 2-1.

JH (RS): My money's on Bedistan, 1-0.

~Match begins~
~3rd minute~
JH (RS): And Morlock, going upfield. The second string defence is having trouble, Hearne clears it long. It's found Dussis, who has beaten the offside trap! GOAL!

DJ (EB): Bedistan were definitely caught off guard, Hearne started off a brilliant counter-attack, and, by God, he's won himself an assist to his credit.

JW (LE): Viwers just joining us, we're in the fourth minute of the match and the defending champions lead 1-0.

~7th minute~
DJ (EB): There has never been a repeat of matches in the same round two cups running, and never have co-hosts met. History in the making here.

JH (RS): Briscoe. Still going strong. Briscoe! And it hits the bar! Amazing! It's gone out to Hearne - he clears it only as far as Morlock - Morlock hits it! AMAZING! SIMPLY AMAZING! One-all! From 40 yards out, Morlock hits a screamer! Surely one of the oals of the tournament!

JW (LE): An update for viewers at home, our referee's from Total n Utter Insanity, and the score is tied at 1 a piece after eight minutes.

~45th minute~
JH (RS): An exciting half of football here in Ravenspire, a brillinat performance by both teams has the score tied at one each, and we're going into the half time break equal.

~Half Time Analysis~
JW [smirk appears in voice]: I thought someone said Bedistan would win 1-0?
<bickering starts. Viewers see message "Transmission Breakdown. Please Stand By">

By the time the transmission is back, we're in to the second half.

~49th minute~
JH: Morlock. Good forward pass to Briscoe. The linesman has his flag up. Let's look at it again. A close call, but she was offside. Hearne. Hits it upfield. Cannon. Still going, he's 55 yards from goal... blasts it! Hits the upriight! Simply awesome stuff here! Still in play. Thomas has it out for the corner. Cannon with the corner. Oldenburg's come out to get it, he's let the ball slip.... A mess in the box... the referee blows his whistle! And points to the spot! A penalty for some reason!

DJ: A close call. I think that was for that handball there by Morlock - the players are complaining. And, Morlock has been booked for intentional handball! Yes...

JH: Wait - Morlock still hasnt given up complaining. So has Thomas. Thomas gets the yellow card for complaining - AND, drama here - Morlock has kicked the ball away! Not a smart act, he's already been booked and dissent is a bookable offence! Yep, no nonsense tolerated by our TnUI friend, Morlock's down the tunnel.

~51st minute~
JH: And so it's Cannon to take the penalty. Cannon! In off the keeper! Somehow, the ball finding its way past Oldenburg! But wait, the referee's ordering a retake! The fans are booing, but Cannon will have to re-take it! No nonsense this time, high into the left corner.

JW: Viewers joining us, we're in the 53rd minute, and Cannon has just scored to make it 2-1 to the defending champs! Bedistan are also down to ten men after Darren Morlock's sending off.

~89th minute~
JH: Two minutes of stoppage time. Briscoe past the last defender... she's past Hearne - Hearne trips here! A professional foul! The referee points to the spot for the second time in this match, he's calling Hearne over.... and a straight red card for Mark Hearne, that was a professional foul.

DJ: Therefore, Bedistan have a chance to send this into extra time. Up steps Briscoe against the replacement keeper, Cannon, as LE have used all three subs. Briscoe! Blasts it wide! The stadium is half-silent and half-noisy! The final whistle is blown!

JH: Liverpool England have won the match, and keep their honour! Full time score from Ravenspire, Liverpool England 2, Dussis after 4, Cannon from the spot on 53, Hearne sent off in last minute drama, Bedistan 1, Morlock on 7, being sent off on 49, and Briscoe missing a penalty in the last minute.

A man in his late 30s scribbles on some notepad in large block letters: Gutsy Sprint to the Finish Line, World Cup IX Finally Concludes.

It was a rather successful World Cup as finalists (and coincedientally co-hosts) Ravenspire and Europa Brittania were the last two nations standing to compete for the cup. It was only a few weeks ago when the qualifiers...

A shout hollers out: tea or coffee, dear?

He continues writing: ...started with the tea or coffee dear.

-Crap, don't disturb me when I'm writing!!!
-Sorry, I though you might be thirsty or something.

Ken Nakajima, freelance writer living in 20 Daao'ningu Street in Chisai'nihon, One Red Dot, got up from his sofa and went into the kitchen. He takes a cup, puts it under the coffee machine and starts it. He goes back and starts to think aloud as he writes.

"Most people say it was a coincedence but I feel that it was something was different. Suspicions tell me that the people of Ravenspire and Europa Britannia have drugged or bribed the Liverpool England and Bedistan playe..what the hell!?"

The front door breaks and some men dressed in black handles him roughly. A sound of electric sparks is heard, and then a loud thump and he sees black, only managing to hearing half a second of Mrs Takajima's shrieks.

Ken slowly comes to but he still can't see clearly. He only manages to hear his surroundings.
- Sure that was close. Imagine what will happen if they come to hear of it.
- Yeah, it won't do to bring uneccesary trouble.

Ken could swear those were Ravenspirian accents. What were they doing to him? Why was he tied up? When will he finish his article?

The door inforn of him opens and someone walks through.
- How's he?
- Still unconcious Ms M.
- Good, keep it that way.

Ms M.? Could it be...

Today it was announced that TnUI negotiators had shook hands with TBF negotiators in a deal estimated to be worth around 15 figures for publishing rights to the World Cup outside of the so-called "NS forums". When asked how much the deal was the head TnUI negotiator said: "Bog off!"

TBF mark friendly date with World Champions

TBF have secured a dream match with World Champions Europa Brittania for the 25th of this month. Kshitz Ghandi is expected to make his comeback after getting injured in TBF's second match. Also Joel Belmore is expected to play his last match for his country.

Following a momentus battle against Ravenspire in the final of World Cup IX, Europa Brittania finally achieve that ultimate and elusive victory, giving them the world championship for their first ever title.

Ravenspire struck first on ten minutes, a woeful mistake from O'Hanrahan, who completely miscued his clearance gifted the Ravens an attack they did not waste, slamming the ball past an exposed Reeves to net the lead.

EB hit back shortly before half time in a well worked routine. A Kiewietz corner found Lester in space, but his clever dummy allowed Lionel a bullet header he did not waste to tie the score.

The game came fast and furious, but it was EB who took the lead on sixty minutes. A Stalhan cross was half cleared, and a first time volley by Lomardi took a deflection to sail into the back of the net.

Ravenspire looked dangerous, producing a gasping triple save from Reeves, and forcing a desperate clearance from the line by Stacey. A third goal came against the run of play, with a lucky bounce allowing Brittania to counterattack with speed. The Ravens had committed men forward, and ran the risk of punishment. Lionel took the ball as far as he could unapposed, and a chip over the final defender's head sent Lester through on goal, though his shot rattled the upright, He made amends by nodding it back into an empty net.

Ravenspire struck the bar with five minutes to go, with Reeves well beaten, but the game was leaning well towards the Brittanians by this point.

FINAL SCORE

Europa Brittania 3 Ravenspire 1

Lionel 42

Lomardi 60

Lester 73


[This post is only a stopgap, I lost a great deal with a power cut, and no a UPS would not have been a good idea for a million, million reasons. :S]

Congratulations to Europa Britannia on finally attaining their goal of a World Cup. Persistence pays!

I should mention that I've already run the match, and EB won by a decent margin -- so I would only stand to gain from such an occurrence.

ah, no worries if youve already ran it :) it was just a suggestion :)

Final Results (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2191709#2191709) and post-WC9 rankings (old-style) (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2191722#2191722) are now posted.

Congratulations to EB, and thank you all.

NEWSFLASH:

After 36 years of World Cup history, the World Cup finally lands in the hands of Europa Brittania. A determined veteran, previous World Cups have slipped him by despite a series of World Cup finals. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I think it is fitting that Europa Brittania, a country which should have gotten the cup a long while ago, has finally clinched it. We share their joy." Europa Brittania have made history by winning the cup, and will attempt to return to the grounds where they first made history as the first country to ever play in an international friendly over 36 years ago, in Giant Zucchini. Europa Brittania has not won a match against the Zucchinis, the first international friendly ending 3-2 to the Zucchinis, and their next meeting in World Cup 3, when the Zucchinis went all the way. Giant Zucchini won 1-0. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "Now the tables have turned. They are the World Champions. If we can repeat what we have done in our history, it will be a great achievement."

I spotted a typo.

A determined veteran

A demented veteran

Prepare yourselves for WCX. http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96583

To get your fix on post-WC9 football, why not visit The Cup of Harmony (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=92216), which is still ongoing.

*gets the needle... of steroids, to ensure his team perform in WCX*

KM: ...with the exception of the mime's unicycle. Our top story in sport news: the Ravens falter in the final match, losing to co-hosts Europa Brittania 3-1. Here with me tonight is striker Zhen Sui-Ling.

SZ: It's a pleasure to be here, Kathryn.

KM: The Ravens came very close to taking the Cup this year, Sui-Ling. What happened in that game that prevented it?

SZ: If you're looking for one cause, I don't think you'll find one. It's a number of issues that add up -- for instance, our starters had an exhausting Cup, including that extra-time match against Bedistan in the semifinals. But mainly, Europa Brittania played a very good game -- no, a very good series. They seized initiative right at the start, and built up a tide of momentum, and that helped their skill carry them through. Nobody can say they didn't deserve that win.

KM: For a little while, it looked as if Ravenspire would emerge the victor.

SZ: We started off well. Hikari Kitsu, substituting for Arawn Frost, had her chance ten minutes in, and she didn't hesitate to score it. We were running pretty high after that, even though we weren't on home ground like we had been to that point.

KM: And then the Britons' defense came together?

SZ: Not just the defense, unfortunately. They'd gotten the goal back by the half, and afterward, they just dominated play. We had a shot to even things up again around an hour into the match, but their man Reeves had an absolutely spectacular save, and we just didn't see another opening. All in all, some terrific teamwork on their part.

KM: Now the Ravens are ranked third in the world.

SZ: Following a win by Liverpool England, who slipped into second on the strength of goal difference, yes. Although there's some controversy regarding the ranking system, so the standings may be revised by the time World Cup 10 rolls around.

KM: Speaking of World Cup 10, how do you see the Ravens doing?

SZ: Well, it won't be the same team, of course. But I can tell you I feel confident they'll continue to do well. I hope they'll take the Cup one year. But we've made it to the finals, at last, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

KM: They?

SZ: Yes. I think it's about time I announced my retirement from the circuit. As the great footballing nation of Brazillico once said, it's best to go out on top, and this is as close to it as we've gotten. My goal when I started playing was to see us in the finals, and that's done, even if we didn't win. Besides, I'm no longer a young woman. I doubt anyone would want to see me floundering about on the pitch when I'm pushing 60. I've had a long career, even a bit of a comeback in the years after World Cup 7, and I'm content with that. I've accepted an offer to coach the Ravens, so I'll still be involved.

KM: I'm sure you'll be missed on the pitch.

SZ: With talents like Kaede, Autumn, Fox, and Hikari, I would hope not. I expect great things of them.

KM: You heard it here first. In other news...

Kathryn Malley, reporting for RNN

*gets the needle... of steroids, to ensure his team perform in WCX*
The Minister of Don't You DARE Use Steroids - We've Got A MEDICAL STAFF, You Know! decries the planned use of prohibited substance(s) by Kaze Progressa. Basta! Thatsa not da way to progressa!

(do you have any extra?)