NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 9 (The winner is: Europa Brittania!)

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27-10-2003, 19:24

World Cup 9 - Hosted by Ravenspire and Europa Brittania

Winner: Europa Brittania

WC9 Scores and Tables (
WC9 Team Rosters (
NSWCC Website (

WC10 Signup Thread (

Post-WC9 Rankings (old-style) (
27-10-2003, 19:33
Qualifying By Group

Group 1
Liverpool England (1)
The Belmore Family (13)
One Red Dot (29)
God Squad (42)
Kaze Progressa (59)
Zeronia (79)
Soviet Haaregrad

Group 2
Haraki (2)
Errinundera (15)
Commerce Heights (23)
Akbarland (37)
Eauz (52)

Group 3
Bedistan (3)
Halfassedstates (13)
Antaeus Rising (26)
Nikea (44)
Endray-Island (54)
Zinkoland (87)

Group 4
Timway (5)
Audioslavia (18 )
Spaam (24)
Aquilla (36)
East Spaam (74)
Lanky Dude
Sensual Products

Group 5
Runaway Moose (6)
Svecia (16)
The Lowland Clans (30)
Quohog (43)
West Arridia (69)
Boa Vista

Group 6
Oddslavo (7)
Gesamtkuntswerk (20)
Dark Outcasts (33)
Pure Evil (35)
LordSquall (53)
Consumer Engineering (90)
The Redavic Union

Group 7
Busby (8 )
Ariddia (19)
Squornshelous (25)
Keyshona (47)
Defari (70)
Anti-Nazis (89)

Group 8
Oglethorpia (10)
Snub Nose 38 (20)
Demonic Beings (31)
Tanah Burung (39)
Hell Bovines (65)
Warnocks Wizards (77)
Wildthings Realm

Group 9
Giant Zucchini (11)
Gilmeecia (17)
Bullonien (26)
Total n Utter Insanity (49)
The Dragonian Empire (55)
Auir II
One Blue Dot

Group 10
Lemmitania (12)
Dennisov (22)
Kingsford (28 )
The Weegies (45)
1900s Oglethorpia (56)
Belmorian Scandinavia
Freedom Country

The top three teams in each group will qualify. Groups were determined by placing each of the top ten seeds in qualifying into a separate group, and then randomly assigning groups of ten until each group had eight members of relatively-even rankings. Unseeded teams are considered to rank 150.

Qualifying Fixtures

Day 1

1 v 5
2 v 6
3 v 7
4 v 8

Day 2

6 v 1
7 v 2
3 v 8
4 v 5

Day 3

1 v 7
2 v 8
5 v 3
6 v 4

Day 4

8 v 1
5 v 2
3 v 6
7 v 4

Day 5

1 v 2
3 v 4
6 v 5
8 v 7

Day 6

1 v 3
4 v 2
5 v 7
6 v 8

Day 7

4 v 1
2 v 3
8 v 5
7 v 6

Days 8-14 repeat days 1-7, but with home and away reversed.
Total n Utter Insanity
27-10-2003, 20:05
TnUI Match List
Total n Utter Insanity v One Blue Dot
Total n Utter Insanity v The Dragonian Empire
Auir II v Total n Utter Insanity
Morawny v Total n Utter Insanity
Bullonien v Total n Utter Insanity
Total n Utter Insanity v Gilmeecia
Total n Utter Insanity v Giant Zucchini
One Blue Dot v Total n Utter Insanity
The Dragonian Empire v Total n Utter Insanity
Total n Utter Insanity v Auir II
Total n Utter Insanity v Morawny
Total n Utter Insanity v Bullonien
Gilmeecia v Total n Utter Insanity
Giant Zucchini v Total n Utter Insanity
27-10-2003, 20:20
Matchday 1 results ( are up.

Tables are up too, and fixed.
27-10-2003, 20:47
So...only a couple of matches then... :P

Longish, but I think it'll do. If things seem to be stagnating, I'll speed it up to two matches per day near the end.
The Weegies
27-10-2003, 21:49
Weegies Star Sport Report

The Weegies didn't get off to the best start this year, starting with a 1-all draw at The People's Stadium in Mackintosh against unranked Terranos.

Terranos started off better, pressing hard and giving their all for the first half hour, nearly causing the home fans heart attack with good chances throughout, with Weegies defence in total disarray, the midfield looking especially lost in space, with winger Fred Kincaid having possibly his worst international performance since his debut. However, new international keeper John Stuart kept dreams of joining the big teams in the finals by pulling off some fantastic saves.

Then, in the 35th minute, The Weegies picked up. Kincaid ran a blistering sprint down the wing, pulled off an inch-perfect cross to young striker McDuff, who headed it over the keeper into the goal. Unfortunately, the referee deemed it offside, frustrating the team, and getting Mardot booked for dissent.

After the break, further heartache ensued. A badly chipped back-pass was picked up by a Terranos player, who's dribble into the penalty area was only stopped by a tackle from De Bruis. Who then recieved a yellow card, and a penalty was conceded.

It was an easy lay-up for the Terranosians, who scored.

The Weegies stepped up their game for the final half hour, and in the 79th minute, McDuff got his international goal through another fine Kincaid cross, rescuing the point, but by then it was too late to win. Terranos shut ranks, and not many chances were created.

"That was a terrible game. Terrible performances, terrible refereeing - that was never a penalty! - and terrible conditions. Rain isn't good to work in, especially in a stadium that normally enjoys very good weather." said James Mackintyre, obviously dejected after the poor result.
"But I'm not losing heart. We normally start off poorly, then get into our stride. Remember the draw against New-Persia? The shock loss against Dead Man? We can do it this time, even with such a difficult group."


Stuart, John (GK)
Harris, Lyle (DL)
Zukikov, Yuri (DC) (sub - Black, John, 45th minute)
Mardot, Jack (DC) (booked)
Hussain, Lemar (DR)
De Bruis, Peter (ML) (booked)
Whyte, Dave (MC)
Anderson, Lyle (MC) (sub - Dickinson, Scott, 67th minute)
Kincaid, Fred (MR)
McDuff, Brian (SC) (goal - 79th minute)
Smith, Jamie (SC)
27-10-2003, 21:49
Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the oppressed Peoples of Gilmeecia.

President Lou Gilsterson: My fellow Gilmeecians, assorted monkeys of the domestic and imported press, I come before you today to address two topics. First of all, the thing you all care most about: the World Cup. The Kickassers opened the campaign with a serious smackdown of a bunch of undernourished-looking kids from someplace called Auir II. No place I've ever heard of.

Foreign Minister Ned Itchlesby: They got vampire problems there, Lou.

Pres: Do they? See if they want some zombies, too. Maybe we can offload some of ours.

FM: Okay, Lou.

Pres: Tell 'em the price is cheap.

FM: I thought we were sayin' there's no zombies, weren't we?

Pres: Oh crud! I forgot. I mean, uh, tell 'em we don't have any zombies.

FM: Okay, Lou.

Pres: You press monkeys just strike that last exchange from your little notebooks there. Go on, I'm watching. Okay. Now, where was I?

FM: The Kickassers done kicked ass.

Pres: Yeah, yeah. That's right. Four-one. Bam! A nice job in the opening match of World Cup Nine. Now Coach Horschackio's gonna say a few words.

Coach Morris Horschackio: Thanks, Mr. President. Well, it was a great start to the campaign. Their defense was a little slow, especially early in the game. The match started late in the afternoon, and as y'all know, the shadows on the field can really give the players a hard time. Those guys from Auir II looked like they couldn't see a damn thing every time they ran into the sunlight. Scurried right back into the shade.

So I think there was a real home-pitch advantage, especially in the early going before the sun went down. Gilgo got a goal at eight minutes, and I think their keeper just couldn't see him properly. It was a pretty weak shot, but the dude just completely missed it. And then Gilderbecke got a goal at fifteen minutes, just powered it in from the top of the penalty box, and their guys all reacted too slow.

Looked like we were running away with it at that point. Then the sun went down to the point where their goal was in the shade, and they improved a lot. Still, they're a new team, and they didn't really keep pace. By the second half they were lagging. Gilgo got another goal at sixty minutes on a header off a nice cross-box pass by Moostergil, and McPhee scored on a penalty kick at eighty after one of their guys got carded for biting him right on the neck. That was a pretty weird one, I have to tell you.

Gilmooster had a nice day in goal. Blocked nine shots, by my count. One slipped by after Gilgo's second, but it was in the bag by then. Not a lot of offensive power out of those Auir dudes, but for their first game in international play, I'd say they did all right.

Pres: Thanks, Morris. So there's the game summary for you. Now, on to the really important news: the results of the feasibility study on transporting the Lemmington Hellmouth to Gilmeecia, where it rightfully belongs. We've had a bunch of scientists-- including some foreign ones, from Tanah Burung and some other places-- looking into it for a couple of years, ever since the Lemmitanian government claimed that our lawsuit was frivolous 'cause even if we won, the Hellmouth couldn't be transported. And now, the feasibility study has reported that that line of argument is a bunch of Hell Bovine crap, people.

You heard me right: it is physically possible to dig up the Hellmouth and ship it to Gilmeecia. Take that, you Lemmitanian hosers. All you'd need to do it is a really big shovel with the proper runes and incantations inscribed on it. And that's not Lou Gilsterson saying that; that's a bunch of grade-A scientists, so it's indisputable. Ha.

Now I'll take a couple of questions from the press. Gillian?

GG: Gillian Gilquest, Gilmeecian Living and Undead Times. Mr. President, where will the Hellmouth be located once it's moved to Gilmeecia?

Pres: Excellent question, Gillian. Once the court case is resolved in our favor, we'll undertake a study to determine the best placement for maximal demonic extrapolation. Probably someplace near the National Stadium. Buzz?

BQ: Buzz Quartermaster, Gilmeecian Mail and Telegraph. Sir, when the Hellmouth is installed outside the National Stadium, what sort of security measures will be put into place to protect the populace from rampaging demons?

Pres: Security measures? Um... it's hard to say. We'll probably have to wait and see what kind of unholy vengeance they wreak before we can really determine what kind of security's needed. Meme?

MG: Meme Gilroogan, Gilmeecian Standard. If the Auir IIicans have vampire technology, would it be feasible to try to acquire it from them?

Pres: Maybe. To what purpose, Meme?

MG: Well, Mr. President, it's been suggested that combining vampire and zombie technologies would create the ultimate killing machine.

Pres: Hmm. I'm having a hard time imagining how that would work, but I'll have Ned look into it. You got that, Ned? Ned? Where the hell is-- Ned! Stop picking your damn nose and get over here!

FM: Sorry, Lou.

Pres: Did you hear Meme's question just now?

FM: Nope.

Pres: He thinks combining zombies and vampires would create some kind of killing machines that we need for our Ground Forces. Look into that.

FM: Okay, Lou. I'll try and find out about vampire machines.

Pres: Not just you, idiot. Assemble a team and prepare a feasibility study.

FM: Oh. Good idea.

Pres: Yeah, no kidding. Okay, people, I've had enough. No more questions.
27-10-2003, 21:56
Timway's defense played very well today, as they shutout East Spaam 1-0. Anton Carlsson, in his fourth and final Cup, turned in the clean sheet by turning away six shots. Figueroa scored for Timway on a half volley in the 22nd minute. The Tigers then collapsed into their defensive shell and held off East Spaam rather easily, much easier than the score would indicate, as only one of East Spaam's shots really tested Carlsson. Timway's next game is against Cup newcomer Clearwater, and Timway should advance past them rather easily. Head coach Pablo Rolla has said that he plans to start many different lineups during qualification in order to keep his somewhat aging starting core fresh for a good run during Cup proper.
27-10-2003, 21:57
Quick match summary:

Gilmeecia 4 (Gobbins 8, 60; Gilderbecke 15; McPhee 80)
Bookings: none

Auir II 1 (68 )
Bookings: 1 yellow for neck-biting
Kaze Progressa
27-10-2003, 22:05
From the Daily Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa secured their finest football result ever by holding defending World Cup champions Liverpool England 2-2 in the CCL Arena.

The Progressans silenced the capacity crowd of 100,000 fans by taking the lead on nine minutes, national legend Faiwe Irafma sidestepping defenders Port Jomas and Abel Davhere before belting the ball past Mark Hearne from 20 yards.

The home side responded by pouring forward, and their reward came on 33 minutes, captain Caddy Cannon's free kick merely deflecting off Aeuwal Maurto in the Progressan wall and past Eaka Palera, left stranded in his goal.

Somehow, the Progressans held out until half-time, Paul Oliver Dussis coming closest in first-half injury time when his long-range effort grazed the outside of the post.

The home side remained in charge after the break, and inevitably took the lead on the hour - but with help at hand from the referee, who gave a penalty for a foul from Jaruna Jaff that looked to be outside the penalty area to some eyes. However, the referee, clearly in two minds, gave the penalty, presumably to prevent a backlash from the capacity crowd. To add insult to injury, Howard Christopher's penalty only found the net via the inside of the post.

As seems so often to be the case, the introduction of Fayu Owa - in place of Raq Failez, who had ironically failed to impress - turned the tables. Owa's 35-yard volley from an innocent chipped pass from Aqizen Muqlin on 75 minutes forced Hearne into an awkward save, and Irafma's header from the resultant corner almost came back off the crossbar - a fate that did befall a Christopher shot not long afterwards, also from a corner.

Then on 84 minutes, a defining moment in national sports history. A slick exchange of passes between Muqlin, Owa and Irafma left Irafma clean through on goal, with only Hearne to beat. Irafma chipped the ball over his head, and Owa beat Jomas to the ball to prod it into the net.

The Liverpool Englanders poured forward in numbers and dominated the final moments, but a succession of saves from Palera kept the final scores level, notably a double save to deny both Christopher and Winter in injury time. It also assured the home side were booed off by their own fans. Some had previously thought the Progressans jeaporised the three-way bid with the Belmorians for hosting of this Cup due to their lack of experience and quality - some arguing the Progressans just wanted a free ticket to these finals - and it was these fans who were most vocal at full-time.

(OOC: I haven't attacked LE at all in this RP, just created a little IC aside that seemed realistic. There's always intriguing vocal minorities in any nation. )
Snub Nose 38
27-10-2003, 22:16
OOC: Really like the WC9 logo!

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

Academy Arranges Aura - Hooligans Have Hope
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Remington Grey

Just in time for the start of the Qualifying Matches for World Cup 9, the Chief Academician of the Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science announced a break-through in evisceratomatoe protection.

At a press conference earlier today Chief Academician Albert Onestone announced the newest development in the pursuit of protection from evisceratomatoes. The Academy has developed a battery powered electro-magnetic personal aura modifier. The "Empam" operates on two double A batteries for up to 120 minutes. Using the same basic concept as the Electro Magnetic Pulse Damper, the "Empam" slightly modifies the frequency of the personal electro magnetic aura of the person to whom the device is "tuned".

The device itself is quite small. It has been designed as a "network" of extremely fine wiring woven directly into the cloth of the jersey of each Hooligan, with a velcro pocket for the required two double A batteries. Once the device is "tuned" to each players own electro magnetic aura frequency, and turned on, it modifies the frequency of the personal aura out of the normal range of citizens of Snub Nose 38. In fact, it modifies the frequency to something between the normal frequency for citizens of Errinundera and citizens of Tanah Burung.

Tests of the device during Hooligan practice sessions have been 100 percent successful in detering evisceratomatoes from spontaneously exploding in the near vicinity of Snub Nose 38 citizenry.

TB or Not TB
Enfield, Snub Nose 38 Mike Easter, aspn wire

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans are happy. The "Group Draw" for World Cup 9 Qualifiers is over, the results announced - and Group 8 contains The Hooligans - and The Crocs!. Manager Sal Manela announced the makeup of Group 8 at a Hooligans Team Meeting. When he read out "Tanah Burung Crocodiles" the team broke out into a spontaneous war dance that lasted several minutes.

"We've been hoping for this," said Ben Dover, consultant to the management team, "We'd like nothing better than a chance at the Crocs. The Hooligans and the Crocodiles played several matches against one another during qualifiers for previous World Cups. Somehow, the Hooligans have always come out on the short end of the score. Now, we have a chance to correct that."

The Group is rounded out by Oglethorpia, Hells Bovines (who shall not be eaten), Warnocks Wizards, Demonic Beings, Evisceratomatoes, and Wildthings Realm. It looks like it's going to be an interesting set of matches leading up to the World Cup 9 Tournament.


*the aspn sports theme is playing a little too loudly. it is as we remember it - totally unsuited to any kind of sports, sporting event, sports news cast, or in fact anything that includes the letters "s", "p" - well, you get the idea. we see a translucent snub nose 38 hooligans logo, and through it, in quick succession, three fabulous goals, two magnificent saves, an extremely well executed tackle, and finally a slow motion shot of two opponents attempting to head the ball, and instead managing to "head" one another. fade to the aspn sports desk. behind it on the wall are a jersey of the snub nose 38 hooligans and beside it a warnock wizards jersey.*

Hello again, sports fans. In the to of sporting news today qualifying matches for World Cup 9 began. Your Snub Nose 38 Hooligans faced the tenacious Warnocks Wizards at our "38 Special" National Stadium. The match was delayed about 15 minutes while the Hooligans completed the process of starting up the teams "Empams". Manager Sal Manela would not allow his team to take the field until he was personally assured that each player had a properly tuned and fully functional "Empam".

Once the match did get underway, it was a full 90 minutes of high quality football. The scoring was opened by the Hooligans in the 15th minute on this strike by Malicious.

*malicious receives the ball, a long pass from near midfield, over his shoulder just outside the corner of the box. one touch to control, followed by a powerful strike to the far post that bangs off the inside of the wood work and into the net. the hooligans erupt into celebration*

The 1 - 0 lead did not last long, however. In the 18th minute the Wizards Durbret the Choker slipped this one past Pancake.

*we see three wizards charging towards two hooligan defenders. the central wizard has the ball, and keeps it until the defense commits to him, then artfully slips it behind the defense to his on-rushing team mate durbret the choker on his left, who dribbles in towards goal until the keeper comes out, and then slips the ball around pancake and into the side netting*

The 1 - 1 tie score didn't last long, either, as Malicious scored again in the 23rd minute of a very well placed corner kick taken by Knuckles. Malicious completed the first hat trick of his international career in the 38th minute.

*the warnocks wizard keeper is diving towards a rolling ball as malicious, in full stride, strikes it. it slides on the ground directly under the keeper just before he lands.*

The Hooligans left the pitch at the half leading 3 to 1. This, as we know, is when the Hooligan Cheerleaders normally take the field for half time entertainment. Today, however, they did not.

*we see the hooligan cheerleaders on the big screen tv at "38 special" stadium. around them we see about a dozen fans in hooligan colors, and another dozen in wizard colors. and we hear -*

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages regrets that we are unable to bring you the Hooligan Cheerleaders live. The Ministry has not had time to complete the installation of "Empams" in the Cheerleaders outfits. We expect that will be completed before the next qualifying match. Today, the Hooligan Cheerleaders will perform for you on closed circuit TV. Two dozen lucky fans have been selected at random, scanned for evisceratomatoes, and are with the Hooligan Cheerleaders now.

*the cheerleaders take their positions, forming a large "38" patern. they begin to cheer.*

"Hooligans, Hooligans, Hip Hip Hooray!!
Snub Nose Footballers will win today!!
Warnocks Wizards?
Lizards Gizzards!
BOO on them ol' Warned Knock Blizards!!"

*at this point, half the cheerleaders turn and face the dozen warnock wizards fans, while the other half turn towards the hooligan fans. the fans of both persuasions begin to pelt the cheerleaders with bananas, apples, peaches, radishes, asparagus, broccoli (i like broccoli), muffins, a pumpernickle, a small monkey, a burro, and two very large marshmallows. a couple of actors dressed in very poorly executed remington county sheriff uniforms "drag" the cheerleaders off screen. the fans in the stadium are booing the entire performance. they begin to pelt the big screen tv with vegetables, fruits, a couple of pork chops, and sundry other items.*

The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages apologizes for their inability to bring the Hooligan Cheerleaders to you live. As a consolation, everyone in the stadium is invited to stop by the concession stand and pick up a free "38 Special Short Round" on us.

The second half was twenty minutes old before any scoring took place. Then, in quick succession the Warnocks Wizards (Akhklash the Emaciated) scored an own-goal in the 21st minute, and scored a goal (Gromdul the Gasher) in the 22nd minute. The own goal, we feel, really should not be classified as one. Judge for yourselves.

*the hooligans are attacking the wizards goal. a shot is taken from the right, from among a knot of players so we can't make out who takes the shot. it hits the crossbar, flies back out into play, hits a wizard defender who is about 5 yards out in the back of the head, and flies back into the goal.*

This brought the score to 4 - 2. The final goal of the match was scored by the Hooligans' Hanratty in the 2nd minute of 3 minutes of added time. Final score WARNOCS WIZARDS 2 - SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 5


Group 8
Oglethorpia (10)
Snub Nose 38 (20)
Demonic Beings (31)
Tanah Burung (39)
Hell Bovines (65)
Warnocks Wizards (77)
Wildthings Realm
27-10-2003, 22:53
Hanson: Welcome to the World Cup Corner. Today Busby played Defari in their first match of world cup nine. We will do a overview of the match, and with me to help me is James Thompsons a retired footballer. James Welcome.

James: Thank you.

Hanson: First off, what chance does Busby have in going all the way in this World Cup?

James: Well, every year they played they seem to get higher in ranking. The last world cup they came close in going all the way but lost to Haraki. I think the boys will be quite confident this year.

Hanson: I see well, lets bring you the highlights of the match.

The screen changes and the highlights of the match are shown.

Hanson: Now that you seen the match, how do you think that they played?

James: Well they played ok, not their best performance but both teams didn't play that well. A lot of long balls were played and easy intercepted. Some sloppy defending from Busby in the first half resulting in a goal. As you can see here the two defenders Thomas and Eckard made one pass to often and lost the ball. Roberts did his best to make a save but he could do nothing as the Defari attack place the ball in the bottom corner.

Hanson: Well it seemed that Busby played a lot better after half time.

James: Yes i am not sure what the manager Thomas James said at half time but it seemed to work. When they came out at half time, it seemed that they had fire in their bellies. They started to play football. In the 61st minute of play, some beautiful one-twos played by Shephard and Neil Davies, resulting in Shephard placing an easy chance. Then not so later in the 67th minute a cracking goal from a freekick by Gary Lloyd, the captain. A beautiful curl into the top corner. Overall i think Busby deserved to win, but they need to improve to go even further in the world cup.

Hanson: Thank you James Thompson. We will be back soon with the 2nd days results. From us and everyone here goodnight.
Commerce Heights
27-10-2003, 23:05
First double-post of the Cup! :P
Commerce Heights
27-10-2003, 23:06
First triple-post of the Cup! :?
Commerce Heights
27-10-2003, 23:07
First quadruple-post of the Cup! :roll:
Commerce Heights
27-10-2003, 23:07
Bulldogs Can't Win First Game In Renovated Stadium
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH (2/19/23 CHE) - Even with a new stadium capacity of 98,000 at home, even with a #23 ranking, even with an unranked opponent, the Commerce Heights Bulldogs (0-1-0) just couldn't pull off a win over NASTIC 2 (0-1-0). Maybe it was just bad playing, and maybe the record crowd of 102,439 at Maxisoft Stadium in downtown Commerce Heights overwhelmed the players, but whatever it was, the game played out to a 2-2 draw, with the winning goal for CH barely missed by forward Billy Quigley.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Cahalane 31, Deppiesse 58 )
(UR) NASTIC 2 2 - FT

CH's qualification group appears harder than in WC8, including two teams ranked higher than any previous CH opponent (#2 Haraki and #15 Errinundera). Three wins by other teams in the group put CH and NASTIC 2 tied for 4th in the group:
[code:1:4220c5188f]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Errinundera (15) 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Eauz (52) 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Akbarland (37) 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Commerce Heights (23) 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
NASTIC 2 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
SterlingIce 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Haraki (2) 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
CallMeBernard 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0[/code:1:4220c5188f]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs NASTIC 2 – T 2-2
Day 2: vs SterlingIce
Day 3: at #52 Eauz
Day 4: vs CallMeBernard
Day 5: vs #37 Akbarland
Day 6: at #2 Haraki
Day 7: at #15 Errinundera
Day 8: at NASTIC 2
Day 9: at SterlingIce
Day 10: vs #52 Eauz
Day 11: at CallMeBernard
Day 12: at #37 Akbarland
Day 13: vs #2 Haraki
Day 14: vs #15 Errinundera
[code:1:4220c5188f] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9
Games Played 24 10 13 1
Wins 9 3 6 0
Draws 8 3 4 1
Losses 7 4 3 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 76.6 62.6 81.7 150.0
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16 150.0
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16 N/A
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.5 1.8 1.2 2.0 gpg
Goal Differential +2 -3 +5 0
Rank 100 54 23[/code:1:4220c5188f]
27-10-2003, 23:20
Nastic sports review

The nastic nation almost earned a dream start to their first ever World cup game against Commerce Heights.

With Nastic leading 1-0 and 2-1 with both goals coming from Tommy Owner it looked for long periods as if the Nastic team would pull of a famous victory but alas it was not to be as Commercial Heights scored a well deserved equalising goal.

Manager Ryan Hill was heard to say that he was "well pleased to have come away with a point in our first game and hoped that it wouldnt build up the already high expectations back home"
28-10-2003, 00:00
Some voices from the game:
Hexen Imdila (coach): They were ranked 47, we were below 150. What do you expect? A victory? You just can hope for it, not expect it. Of course, there were some errors, especially in the defense, but this is our first match, what do you expect?

Syku Lyku (forward): Despite this slani result, I'm glad that I shot the first Orange-Blue international goal!

Ji Jen (defender): That was not our game! We, and that includes me too, played below our standard. This must change!

Ila Iles (substitute , played since 67 minute): I rather had my debut, when we had a chance. *smiles*

Teke Daran (chief of the Rejistania-FA): Even if we have lost, we have scored in spite of this*. The result was not good, but I think the team did a good job.

Hangila Sede (first lentine of Rejistania): That was... *searches for the right word* so between. Sometimes, the Junis'Omeh were controlling the game, sometimes they played like... *again a pause* one of the sikenian suburb teams!

*here Daran'he refers to a song of the rejistanian soccer fans.
28-10-2003, 00:49
"I'll admit, we're off to a shaky start," Ariddian team captain Ranjit Khan conceded after Ariddia failed to pull off anything better than a nil-all draw against Anti-Nazis."But the competition is still beginning. All I can say is, this will give us an extra incentive to improve."
28-10-2003, 01:20
World Cup Watch
Qualifying - Post Matchday 1

Ray McHale: Hey folks, i'm Ray McHale of the Maracaibo Sports Network here with co-host Mike White, live from beautiful Ravenspire. Mike, qualifying matchday one has already wrapped up. Any initial thoughts?

Mike White: Well Ray, Oglethorpia saw ties all around; the squad led by Guy Picciotto drew with Hells Bovines, the 1901 National Team also pulling off a draw against World Cup veterans Lemmitania.

Ray: That's right Mike, Oglethorpia's completely revamped-squad under team captain Francisco Green faced a talented team from Hells Bovines.

Mike: Ah yes, the infamous Ron Goldenspot incident.

Ray: Are you sure that's his name?

Mike: Too bad if it isn't.

Ray: Anyways, Furukawa of the midfield drew first blood -- a great shot a couple of meters outside the goalie's box.

Mike: Every goal by Oglethorpia -- Jorge White and Torrence Blck the other two goals -- Hells Bovines would always stay even and come back with a goal of their own.

Ray: Those goals only given up on Yamamoto-san's part?

Mike: I wouldn't blame it on Yamamoto-san. He's a talented goalie, he'll come through next game.

Ray: I certainly hope so.

Mike: I heard Ken'Ichi couldn't concentrate as bipedal cows came out on the offense.

Ray: That's a perfectly legitimate reason to give up goals inside the box.

Mike: So, howabout Lemmitania vs. 1900s Oglethorpia?

Ray: A fantastic draw on the part of the hundred-year old players of Oglethorpia.

Mike: Those guys just couldn't break Joe Lally -- Herbert West putting up the only goal for Oglethorpia.

Ray: Alright Mike, now what do you think of upcoming matches?

Mike: Well, not till day five and day ten will we see Oglethorpia vs Snub Nose 38.

Ray: On hand to detail us on that game is Eduardo Escobar. Eduardo, welcome.

Eduardo Escobar: Good to be here, Ray.

Ray: So how about Oglethorpia vs Snub Nose 38?

Eduardo: Well, i'm gunna go with Oglethorpia on this one, and i'm gunna tell you why. With a close game like this, I like to look at the individuals. Oglethorpia has a strong leader in midfielder Francisco Green, and Jorge White and Torrence Black are a formidable striking duo. Once Ken'Ichi settles into his groove, Yamamoto-san will be a goalie to be reckoned with. Oglethorpia should win this one no-problem.

Mike: Hold up there, Escoardo.

Eduardo: It's Eduardo.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: I'm from Maracaibo too.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friends. Snub Nose 38 will put up more of a fight then you seem to think, Eduardo -- as long as all eviceratomato incidents are avoided. Hopefully, the Oglethorpian fans will evicerate at a later date. A much later date, if the SN38 squad is lucky.

Ray: An interesting viewpoint.

Mike: That's what i'm here for, Mike.

Ray: My name's Ray.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: [pause] ...alright. Eduardo, how about Oglethorpia vs Tanah Burung -- on matchday seven and fourteen?

Eduardo: A conflict of two footballing superpo-

Mike: Hold up, Escoardo.

Eduardo: It's Eduardo.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: Stop saying that!

Mike: Sorry. Anyways, Eduardo -- it's 'futebol.'

Eduardo: Mike, we're on TV. No one knows how i'm spelling football.

Mike: How do you know i'm talking about spelling? Eh?? EH??

Eduardo: Uh...

Mike: It could be your absurdly-continually amusing Argentinian accent.

Ray: It's 'Argentine.'

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-es- just kidding, Ray.

Eduardo: As I was saying, OG vs TB -- it could go to either side, really. Both strong teams with outstanding individual players. Definitely one to watch. Both matches.

Ray: Well, that wraps up this episode of World Cup Watch. For Mike White and Eduardo Escobar, i'm Raymond McHale. Goodnight all you Ravenspiran and Oglethorpian futebol fiends-, erm, fans, that is.

Mike: G'night.
28-10-2003, 01:20
World Cup Watch
Qualifying - Post Matchday 1

Ray McHale: Hey folks, i'm Ray McHale of the Maracaibo Sports Network here with co-host Mike White, live from beautiful Ravenspire. Mike, qualifying matchday one has already wrapped up. Any initial thoughts?

Mike White: Well Ray, Oglethorpia saw ties all around; the squad led by Guy Picciotto drew with Hells Bovines, the 1901 National Team also pulling off a draw against World Cup veterans Lemmitania.

Ray: That's right Mike, Oglethorpia's completely revamped-squad under team captain Francisco Green faced a talented team from Hells Bovines.

Mike: Ah yes, the infamous Ron Goldenspot incident.

Ray: Are you sure that's his name?

Mike: Too bad if it isn't.

Ray: Anyways, Furukawa of the midfield drew first blood -- a great shot a couple of meters outside the goalie's box.

Mike: Every goal by Oglethorpia -- Jorge White and Torrence Blck the other two goals -- Hells Bovines would always stay even and come back with a goal of their own.

Ray: Those goals only given up on Yamamoto-san's part?

Mike: I wouldn't blame it on Yamamoto-san. He's a talented goalie, he'll come through next game.

Ray: I certainly hope so.

Mike: I heard Ken'Ichi couldn't concentrate as bipedal cows came out on the offense.

Ray: That's a perfectly legitimate reason to give up goals inside the box.

Mike: So, howabout Lemmitania vs. 1900s Oglethorpia?

Ray: A fantastic draw on the part of the hundred-year old players of Oglethorpia.

Mike: Those guys just couldn't break Joe Lally -- Herbert West putting up the only goal for Oglethorpia.

Ray: Alright Mike, now what do you think of upcoming matches?

Mike: Well, not till day five and day ten will we see Oglethorpia vs Snub Nose 38.

Ray: On hand to detail us on that game is Eduardo Escobar. Eduardo, welcome.

Eduardo Escobar: Good to be here, Ray.

Ray: So how about Oglethorpia vs Snub Nose 38?

Eduardo: Well, i'm gunna go with Oglethorpia on this one, and i'm gunna tell you why. With a close game like this, I like to look at the individuals. Oglethorpia has a strong leader in midfielder Francisco Green, and Jorge White and Torrence Black are a formidable striking duo. Once Ken'Ichi settles into his groove, Yamamoto-san will be a goalie to be reckoned with. Oglethorpia should win this one no-problem.

Mike: Hold up there, Escoardo.

Eduardo: It's Eduardo.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: I'm from Maracaibo too.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friends. Snub Nose 38 will put up more of a fight then you seem to think, Eduardo -- as long as all eviceratomato incidents are avoided. Hopefully, the Oglethorpian fans will evicerate at a later date. A much later date, if the SN38 squad is lucky.

Ray: An interesting viewpoint.

Mike: That's what i'm here for, Mike.

Ray: My name's Ray.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: [pause] ...alright. Eduardo, how about Oglethorpia vs Tanah Burung -- on matchday seven and fourteen?

Eduardo: A conflict of two footballing superpo-

Mike: Hold up, Escoardo.

Eduardo: It's Eduardo.

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-ese friend.

Ray: Stop saying that!

Mike: Sorry. Anyways, Eduardo -- it's 'futebol.'

Eduardo: Mike, we're on TV. No one knows how i'm spelling football.

Mike: How do you know i'm talking about spelling? Eh?? EH??

Eduardo: Uh...

Mike: It could be your absurdly-continually amusing Argentinian accent.

Ray: It's 'Argentine.'

Mike: Whatever, my Maracaibo-es- just kidding, Ray.

Eduardo: As I was saying, OG vs TB -- it could go to either side, really. Both strong teams with outstanding individual players. Definitely one to watch. Both matches.

Ray: Well, that wraps up this episode of World Cup Watch. For Mike White and Eduardo Escobar, i'm Raymond McHale. Goodnight all you Ravenspiran and Oglethorpian futebol fiends-, erm, fans, that is.

Mike: G'night.
Tanah Burung
28-10-2003, 01:45
Special bumper World Cup 9 preview edition!!!1one!

"The comeback starts here." So said Bi Kikere, returning to coach Tanah Burung after a decade in Gilmeecia.

The Crocodiles narrowly missed the Cup for the first time ever four years ago, and the line-up has been revamped completely by the returning hero. Only four players return from the WC8 also-rans.

The challenge, for this young squad, is immense. But it comes against teams that the Crocs have some familiarity with. Ranked 39, Tanah Burung will have to overtake at least one high-ranked team. The group favourites are of course Oglethorpia and Snub Nose 38 (or as the coach will be calling them, Snub Nose 20). The Crocs are expected to battle Demonic Beings for the third spot, although some promising newcomers will be nipping at their heels.

The Daily Crocodile asked Bi Kikere for her thoughts on the competition.

Oglethorpia. "We've never lost to Oglethorpia, unless you count Giant Evil Spider Football. But it's been a while, and they're a great team. And let me say now, we're not the team we used to be. When i went to Gilmeecia, i made no bones about it: this is a long-term rebuilding. Same thing here. Although I expect my players to at least know where Oglethorpia is.”

Snub Nose 38. “Oh, i’m [very[/i] pleased we’ll be playing the Hooligans again. The Crocs last played them in WC6 qualifying, when I was the coach, and we beat them both times. Yeah, we go way back. This is the later date i really want to win. I promised not to say eviscerate, so let's just say we'll disembowel them slowly and roast the innards over an open fire. My solemn pledge to the Hooligans today is that we will not be pelting them with tomatoes, evisceratomatoes, or any other form of vegetables. Although we may toss the odd raspberry.”

Demonic Beings. “Never played ‘em. But we’ll need to beat them. I sure hope they’re human and n ot, in fact, Demonic Beings. It was a nasty shock to discover how many teams I thought were using colourful nicknames are actually some weird-ass alternative life form. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”

Hell Bovines. “Case in point. Giant walking Spanish-speaking cows in robes. Actually, I think they should probably lose the robes, it slowed them down in the Frosty invitational when the Crocs beat them. But they’re getting better and better. Watch for Ron Goldenspot in particular. Now he knows the other team won’t eat him -- and once again, apologies for the Gilmeecian Eating Incident four years ago -- he’ll be playing with poise and confidence.”

Warnocks Wizards. “Another up-and comer. They were here for the Frosty Invitational too, and they were real crowd-pleasers. I think they could have gone far, if it hadn’t been for some very biased officiating from a former referee who handed out yellow cards for singing off key, criticizing his hair, and the like. That shouldn’t be a problem this year. Just one question: who the hell is Warnock? Is it an off-screen thing, like Charlie’s Angels?”

Evisceratomatoes. "Good God. Less said, the better."

Wildthings Realm. “Former world champions at field hockey, for what’s that’s worth: they won the first hockey Cup here in Tanah Burung. So at least they know the terrain. And i’m pleased to say we beat them 2-1, with great goals from Canable Livit and Rosa Bibere. Girl power, today! It’s an acceptable start, although we’ll need to play better once we start facing the top teams.”

Final result:
Tanah Burung 2 Wildthings Realm 1
(Livit 35, Bibere 57)
28-10-2003, 02:07
Ladies and Gentlemen, you are listening to Radio Offshore, and I’m Nath Sayd. This afternoon we bring you Offshore’s first ever international football match! A few hours ago, helicopters brought the players from the renowned nation of Quohog to Offshore, and the kickoff will be in just a few minutes...

We apologise for not being able to show you images of the match, but as you may know our nation is too small to have any television channels. I understand several spectators have camcorders, however, so you will no doubt be able to see replays when they bring their video tapes to the tv channels of other countries.

The, uh, stadium is made up of artificial grass strewn over a portion of our oil rig, and chairs have been set up at one end for spectators. Ah, here come the players! [...]

And a cheer goes up as Offshorian player Pietr Yavislov kicks it off! Offshore are now playing in the football World Cup! Very exciting... He’s passed it to Ramirez, who passes... Oh, it’s been intercepted. My, Quohog’s players are fast! Ndoca and Lake scramble in to defend. Lake has been evaded... Ndoca tackles, regains it... Loses it... It’s a shot on goal and... Seung saves it! Whew, that was close...

7th minute:
Smith passes to Fujiyoshi, who gets past one defender, two... He passes to Wald. Wald passes it back, Fujiyoshi shoots… It’s deflected by a defender. Quohog’s team counter-attacks… They seem unstoppable. Lake blocks it, but can’t keep the ball… It’s… it’s a goal. That was a powerful shot, nothing much Seung could do.

32nd minute:
Well, Offshore not doing too badly now, holding defence together. We could have expected to concede a lot more goals than just one in the first half-hour, especially against Quohog. Their defence is better, though, and our players just don’t seem able to… Wait, Quohog have intercepted the ball. Robertson intercepts it, but kicks it off the field… And it’s gone overboard into the ocean. Splash! Well, we knew that would happen sooner or later… While someone fishes it out, another ball is brought in. Here we go… Quohog keep possession, move in on Seung… They’re past Yavislov, past Lake… It’s a goal! Quohog now lead by 2-0.

52nd minute:
Fujiyoshi shot that one too hard and wide… it’s gone into the spectator’s area. They toss it back onto the field for Quohog’s goalkeeper. It’s back in the game, Quohog attacking… Wait, Wald has intercepted it, passes it quickly to Ramirez, who passes it on to Fujiyoshi, who has a clear opening… He shoots, IT’S IN! Offshore have SCORED! The players rush round their captain, Keita Fujiyoshi, to carry him off his feet! That brings the score up to 1-2! […]

Well, it’s over… We couldn’t really expect to win, but that was a decent performance, and something to remember. The Quohog players will be able to stay a little in Offshore until the helicopters come back, and tell our players about the other World Cups they’ve played in…
28-10-2003, 03:07
Lions Kick Off World Cup 9 With Win

COLUMBIA, FD (11/21/15 BTS) -- World Cup Nine qualifying got underway today, and the Bedistan Lions played their first match at home against Endray-Island.

The first half was fairly uneventful, though the Endray-Islanders almost got a corner kick through in the 37th; luckily, Chuck Mitchell was right on it. The score remained 0-0 at the half.

The only goal of the game came in the 56th minute when a Darren Morlock header just got past the keeper and wedged itself in the lower right corner of the opposing goal.

"It's a good start," says coach Gene Barber. "Starting off with a win is a good sign. But there's 13 more matches to go, and we've gotta stick with it."

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 56)
Endray-Island 0

[OOC: Sorry for the somewhat hurried post; I only have 2 hours at home tonight, so I can't do much. I'll try to get something a little more in depth for tomorrow, though.]
28-10-2003, 04:58
Warnocks Wizards Embark for World Cup 9

Team Psychiatrist Skaialuk Still Quite Insane

From our news services....

Today the Skaialuk hit the fan. Quite literally. A scheduled press conference arranged by the Warnocks Wizards Football Federation was cut short today when Team Psychiatrist Skaialuk the Insane assaulted a fan. The gathering was arranged in an attempt to drum up national support for the National Team’s upcoming campaign to attempt to qualify for World Cup 9. The affair began innocently enough with Federation President Globmazh the Mean announcing the Wizards qualifying schedule. The team were placed in Group 8 with their full schedule as follows:

Day 1: at Snub Nose 38 (20)..........Day 8: v. Snub Nose 38 (20)
Day 2: v. Oglethorpia (10).............Day 9: at Oglethorpia (10)
Day 3: v. Tanah Burung (39).........Day 10: at Tanah Burung (39)
Day 4: at Demonic Beings (31)......Day 11: v. Demonic Beings (31)
Day 5: v. Hell Bovines (65)............Day 12: at Hell Bovines (65)
Day 6: v. Wildthings Realm............Day 13: at Wildthings Realm
Day 7: at Evisceratomatoes............Day 14: v. Evisceratomatoes

Globmazh then introduced Manager Ufwurz the Furious who was greeted by raucous applause. Ufwurz introduced the team and noted that they were the same 22 who competed in World Cup 8 and at the Frosty Cup with only one exception: uncapped Shelobs Lair defender Shaghosh the Raider replaces Grimbrug the Basher who is out with a long-term injury. The full lineup is now available here:

Ufwurz then took a few questions from the crowd and noted that he was “furious” with the draw, claiming that the Wizards had been drawn into the most difficult group. He promised the lads would do their best and would not let any set backs, including poor officiating, deter them. When asked about the team’s preparations, he turned the question over to his assistants Bazzag the Wicked and Gutkrut the Wretched. The pair noted that the squad had been run up and down the Pass of Caradhras and had swam in the fires of Mount Doom (wearing protective gear) to prepare for World Cup 9. They in turn introduced Team Psychiatrist Skaialuk the Insane who worked on the lads mental approach.

It was at this point that the press conference took a turn for the bizarre. Skaialuk arose wearing a strange brown uniform and a purple tiara and announced to all assembled, “My hovercraft is full of eels! Release the Kraken!” He then oddly blew a raspberry at the crowd and took his seat. Perhaps at this point sanity could have returned to the proceedings, were it not for a question from journalist Thrakhak the Slinger who politely asked what the travel arrangements were for those who wished to travel with the team to the first match at Snub Nose 38 in the Asteriod B 612 region. Skaialuk leaped to his feet and screamed in an odd mixture of accents, “Ve have made de arranghemens. The canoe leaves at 7! Must be there by 11!” He then proceeded to charge into the crowd, pummeling several unsuspecting individuals and a harmless ceiling fan. After a short delay, the obligatory straight jacket team arrived and took Skaialuk away. Enough of the crowd dispersed by this time for the press conference to be called to a successful conclusion. Good luck to the lads in World Cup qualifying.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1
Tanah Burung
28-10-2003, 05:34
Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes

Seated in front of a roaring fire in wing-tip armchairs are two figures, each puffing on a pipe. They are Nate E. Visser and coach-for-hire Guntur Ruak.

Nate: Good evening, my children. Today we bring you a tale of football, most magical of games.

Guntur: And of me, teacher of odd species.

Nate: What manner of creature am I? Why, my little tamales, I am an Evisceratomato. Wistest of my kind, ruler of this little Vegetable Kingdom.

Guntur: And the man -- the sentient vegetable, rather -- who hired me. From Tanah Burung i came, to teach the game of football to the Evisceratomatoes as i once taught it to giant evil tarantulas. Today, we travelled to the strange land of Demonic Beings to test our skills against these Beings.

Nate: The Evisceratomato, my little niblets, is a wondrous creature, but he has his weaknesses. Bred in dark labs by a mad scientist to destroy another country -- which shall remain nameless -- we splatter on impact. And we go rotten instantly when in proximity to a citizen of this certain country -- one that, as I have said, shall remain nameless. Even to hear its name causes us pain, such pain!

Guntur: You mean Snub N-

Nate: Auugh! Silence, fool!

Guntur: Apologies, Your Ripeness. Let me tell of the match, then. The Evisceratomatoes were wearing trusses, designed to reduce the chances of an impact with an opposing player. We don't wish to have too many players splatter. After all, we are only allowed three substitutions. We poured on the pressure, oozing towards the enemy like a relentless tide of ketchup.

Nate: Careful.

Guntur: A relentless tide of determination, then. I have to say, for our first game, the Evisceratomatoes played very well indeed. Unranked, we faced a team that made it to the last World Cup. It was our first international match. Props to Elvis Irate for his brilliance in the Evisceratomatoes net, only letting in two goals.

Nate: Ah, young Elvis. A lad after my own seeds. I remember him being plucked from the vine, lovingly harvested and then clamped into a goalkeepers' uniform and forced to train for four years without a holiday. Who could have compelled him into such a fate?

Guntur: It was you, Your Scrumciousness.

Nate: Ah yes, of course. Clever boy. You remind me of the one who created us, she who hates the country that cannot be named.

Guntur: You mean Snu-

Nate: Aargh! Curb your tongue, coach, or I shall have it yanked from your mouth with sharp salad tongs!

Guntur: Yes, Your Pugnaciousness. Highlight of the match, for me, was the skillful solo effort by Urk Visser-Eight, who charged straight at a Demonic Being, as if he was going to self-splatter. Well, the Beings as you know don't like to get their clothes too dirty, and Evisceratomato juice is hell to clean out of a uniform, so the defender stepped out of the way. Not noticing that the Evisceratomato star forward was also dribbling the ball. His truss strained as he let go a mighty shot, and it glanced off the post. So close!

Nate: So we are content? No player need suffer death by slicing?

Guntur: A good starter, yes. Next game is the main course, against Snub Nose 38.

Nate: Narf! Don't say that name!
Runaway Moose
28-10-2003, 05:56
Runaway Moose Beats West Ariddia 2-0

An interview from the popular talk show, Get Up Antlers!

B. Hi, I'm Becky Snoofblatz, your host of Get Up Antlers!. With us in the studio we have Alces Rex player and recent international sports celeb, Nif. Good morning Nif.

N. Hi Becky. I'm really pleased I could make it to talk with you today.

B. As am I Nif. So that was quite a game you had yesterday. Would you care to tell us about it?

N. Well, it was a good game I thought. A couple of the new players did well, especially Dooz, with an assist.

B. Let's not be modest Nif, that was an assist on your first international goal!

N. (blushing) Yeah well, it was a great setup.

B. And a great score. Speaking of great scores... how are things going with your soon to be husband and the wedding plans?

N. Well, since it's become an international event, we had to put it off until right after qualifiers. We are still waiting on some RSVP's, but we've had a really great response. We don't get to see each other as often as we'd like right now, but that's how it goes when the cup comes around.

B. What do you think RM's chances in the cup are Nif?

N. Well, this was a good game. West Arridia held us off early on, but Tinesta's goal in the extra time of the first half was what gave us the drive for the second. After my goal in the 64th, it was just a matter of playing smart defense. I think if we can keep playing smart, we have a good shot at this one. I know everyone was disappointed on MOZ's behalf that we didn't win last year. Even more disappointed really that there was never an all cup team named. We were really pulling for her to make it. Oh well. It's exciting that she'll be at the wedding. She was a real mentor to me.

B. Well Nif, we are about out of time, but I wanted to ask you, I have heard rumors of a certain new player on the team...

N. Well, she's good. I think she might make the final cut if we get into the tournament.

B. That will certainly be something. Well, thanks for coming out Nif. It's been great talking to you. Good luck in the games and with the wedding plans.

N. Thanks Becky.
28-10-2003, 06:06
Akbarland have started qualifying with a 1-0 win over newcomers Sterlingice at home. In a dull game, Samin Akbar converted a penaly after 67 minutes to give the home side the win. Akbarland will have to step up their performance aginst the top teams after a dramatic drop in the rankings from the last cup
28-10-2003, 06:07
Live from Lemmington, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, you’ll be hearing the first qualifying match of World Cup 9, against the time-traveling Oglethorpian 1901 squad. Coach Mickelson’s Lemmings made it to the second round last time, and come in ranked twelfth in the world. Everyone expects great things of the squad this year, but questions abound regarding Coach Mickelson’s choices. Joining me to discuss them are your commentators for tonight’s game: Grant Rockson; special color commentator Lana Maelstrom; and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Clem Gilson. Grant, Lana, Clem, welcome to the broadcast.

Grant: Thanks, Glick, glad to be ‘ere.

Lana: Loikwise, Glick.

Clem: As always, a pleasure, Glick.

Glick: Now, the Lemmitanian professional football league has really blossomed in the past decade. From a nation that had never heard of the sport at the start of World Cup Three, we've become not only a major footballing power, but a nation of football fans. The sport's on the verge of eclipsing rugby in popularity, and that's something that could never have been predicted ten years ago.

Clem: You're absolutely right, Glick. It's been quite a ride. I consider myself lucky to have been a first-hand witness to it.

Grant: Everything you said I agree with, Glick, excep' one thing: Sounded like you referred to yourself as a Lemmitanian there.

Glick: I am Lemmitanian.

Grant: Wot 'appened to Gilmeecia, then?

Glick: Nothing happened to it. Unfortunately.

Grant: So where do you get off callin' yourself a Lemmitanian?

Glick: I'm a naturalized Lemmitanian, Grant.

Clem: Glick's been a Lemmitanian citizen for three years! Don't you remember the party after he was sworn in?

Grant: Oh, yeh, yeh, of course I do. Sworn into wot, then?

Clem: Sworn in as a Lemmitanian citizen.

Grant: Huh. So you can do that nowadays, can you?

Clem: It's always been possible to become a Lemmitanian citizen.

Grant: Seems a bit unorthodox, if you ask me.

Clem: What do you mean?

Grant: I mean, once a Lemmitanian, always a Lemmitanian. You don't go aroun' just givin' up your nationalistic allegiance. It ain't right.

Clem: Who ever said Glick was nationalistic?

Glick: And even if I was, why would I give my allegiance to Gilmeecia?

Grant: Just 'cause you were born there. Wot kind of anti-patriotic terrorist are you?

Glick: I'm not anti-patriotic. I'm just not nationalistic.

Grant: Same difference.

Clem: The hell it is.

Grant: Oh yeh? Wot's the difference, then?

Clem: Oh, go look it up. We're here to talk football, not politics.

Grant: Okay, okay.

Lana: Look: the Lemmings 'ave won the coin flip. The game's about to begin.

Glick: We'll be back after these important messages.


Clem: We’re about to see the kickoff, and it’ll be Helen Mellon passing to Lemmy Atom, and we’re underway in Lemmington. The starting eleven for this Cup are virtually unchanged from the last one, and as we discussed earlier, that’s led to some controversy. Grant, how ‘bout if you give the rundown, there?

Grant: Wot rundown?

Clem: How’d I know you were gonna ask that?

Glick: The rosters, Grant. Read the rosters.

Grant: Oh, right, then. Lessee. For the Lemmings we got Joe Lally in goal, Winston SaLem, Lemón Chutney, Glen Lembobba, and Mick Chang on defense, Bing Brickberry, Yngwie Li, and Clum Lumpster in midfield, and Luke Lemwalker, Lemmy Atom, and 'elen Mellon at forward. And for Oglethorpia, it's 'arold MacKaye in goal, George Silva, Charles Smith, Walter MacKaye, Phillipe, and Clarence Fredericks at forward, Arthur Lederer and Raymond Clark at halfback, an' 'erbert West, Francis Marrion, and Russell Jenson at fullback. Now I've said my piece an' I think I'll take a li'le nap.

Clem: Get off the floor, Grant. You're not getting paid to sleep.

Grant: Isn't 'erbert West some kind of madman or something?

Lana: 'e's a demon on wheels.

Glick: That's Speed Racer. You're thinking of a different Herbert West, Grant.

Grant: Wull, they call 'im "The Madman."

Clem: No they don't.

Grant: Yes they do. "Madman" 'erbert West, they call 'im.

Clem: So back to the matter we were discussing. The Cup Nine Lemmings. Helen Mellon promoted to captain this time, and after her spectacular performance in the last Cup, she’s headed towards eclipsing Henny Henneman as the Lemmings’ all-time leading scorer in international play.

Lana: ‘elen’s an excellent player, and even whoile I was cap’n in the las’ two Cups, she was one of the team leaders on an’ off the field. She’s a n atural choice to step up to cap’n.

Clem: The 1901 squad's holding its own so far, no openings for a shot yet. Mellon, Meisterbrau and Lemwalker working the ball back and forth looking for something.

Glick: Mellon hasn't been in the top five scorers in A-league play the past two seasons. Mickelson’s been taking some knocks in the press for making her his go-to girl this year.

Lana: I’ve no doubt she’ll roise to th’occasion.

Grant: Me neither.

Clem: I’m sure she’ll play her hardest. But she has lost a little speed, and to put a fine point on it, last year she wasn’t even in the top ten scorers, after suffering an early ankle injury. Tackle by Marrion, and Oglethorpia takes possession.

Lana: ‘owever, she was sixth this year, which is a pretty foine comeback after an injury year, Clem.

Clem: I’m not arguing against her. I’m just saying she isn’t the star Lemmy Atom and Luke Lemwalker are, anymore. I’m sure Mick’ll pull her if she doesn’t produce.

Grant: Lookit that 'erbert West tearin' it up down the field! No wonder they call 'im the Madman!

Glick: I've never heard him called that.

Lana: Oh, all us players call 'im that.

Clem: No you don't. Don't encourage Grant's delusions.

Lana: Jus' providin' some colour, Clem.

Grant: 'e's kickin' it like a madman.

Clem: That's not West, that's Phillipe. West's a defender.

Lana: That one's West, Grant.

Grant: 'e's playin' awfully far up for a defender, ain't 'e?

Lana: Yep.

Grant: Wot a madman.


Clem: So after forty-five minutes, we're scoreless in Lemmington. Phillipe kicks it off to Charles Smith, and we're under way for the second half. Now, we were discussing some of Coach Mickelson's controversial picks for this year's squad, earlier, but we never got to finish that conversation.

Glick: Joe Lally’s been a source of some controversy as well.

Lana: Yeh, and on this one I’m not so sure I agree with Coach’s choice.

Clem: Lally’s a hot-and-cold player. The last Cup is a perfect example.

Lana: In qualifying, ‘e allowed five goals in ten matches. Outstanding. And then gave up five in one game.

Clem: In the elimination match, against Timway. Now, this season, he’s been pretty damn good. Surrendered about a goal a game. But last year, and the year before, his team finished in the bottom half of the league.

Lana: ‘e was ‘ot this year, there’s no disagreein’ wit’ that. But wot worries me is the way ‘e gets cold so suddenly.

Grant: Okay then, so 'ow exactly did you manage to become a citizen?

Lana: Wot? I was born 'ere!

Grant: Not you, Lana, I mean Glick over there.

Glick: Are we back on that? You can become a citizen if you meet certain requirements.

Grant: Such as?

Clem: You have to have lived in Lemmitania for at least five years, have no criminal record, and then meet two from a list of possible criteria. Since Glick was already gainfully employed, he became eligible for citizenship when he got married.

Grant: Oh, yeh... when 'e got married.

Clem: You were his best man.

Grant: I know it.

Clem: You don't look like you knew it.

Grant: I wouldn't forget something loik that. So, uh, Glick, does Kevin know about your bein' married, then?

Glick: Kevin's my husband!

Grant: I knew that.

Clem: Nice tackle by Mick Nichols there, taking it away from Walter MacKaye. It's loose, and Lembobba comes up with it, sending it ahead to Brickberry.

Grant: That's Mick Chang there, Clem.

Clem: Mick Chang isn't playing.

Grant: Sure 'e is! Di'n't you 'ear the rosters?

Lana: You can't argue with the rosters, Clem.

Clem: The roster doesn't determine who's on the field!

Lana: Sure it does. Wotever roster Coach writes up, that's 'oo goes out on the pitch.

Clem: Well, I absolutely guarantee you that Coach Mickelson didn't write Mick Chang into the roster. Mellon with the ball now, challenged by West.

Grant: "Madman" 'erbert West, they call 'im.

Lana: Indeed they do.

Clem: The hell they do!

Grant: Of course they do! Tell 'im, Glick!

Glick: I have to agree with Clem on this one. I find myself doing that more and more as time goes by.

Lana: If Coach di'n't wroite Mick Chang into the roster, Clem, 'ow come Grant announced 'is name when 'e read it for us at the top of the broadcast?

Clem: Grant has a little brain seizure every time he sees the name Mick. He thinks they're all Mick Chang. Hey, you know who else used to have that problem?

Grant: 'oo?

Glick: Nobody! Nobody ever did that!

Clem: Sure... Sure, they didn't.

Lana: Look, boys, 'elen Mellon jus' scored the first goal of the game.

Clem: How nice. You know what? I'd like to see a statisticl study on how many goals I've actually seen first-hand. 'Cause I think Grant's distracted me for at least, say, ninety percent of them over the years.

Glick: Not possible.

Clem: No? Why not?

Glick: 'Cause you've only been calling matches with Grant for three Cups.

Clem: Oh, yeah. Heh heh.


Clem: I have to say, the Oglethorpians have stepped up their game since Mellon's goal. They've kept the pressure on for the past fifteen minutes. Something's gotta give sooner or later.

Lana: Either they're gonna score, or they're gonna over-commit on the front end and we're gonna score.

Clem: Phillipe showing excellent ball control.

Lana: 'e was a big star about a 'un'red years ago.

Grant: 'e's dead now.

Clem: No, he isn't.

Grant: Undead, I mean. 'E's a zombie.

Clem: The 1901 Oglethorpian team was pulled through time by some kind of time-warp. They're time travellers.

Grant: So waitaminit. You mean these guys all 'ail from a 'undred years ago?

Clem: That's right.

Lana: Are you sure, Clem? About that time-wrap thingy?

Clem: It's a time warp, and yes. It was big, big news about five years ago, when it happened.

Lana: That doesn't sound possible to me. Sounds loik science fiction.

Clem: Oh, but a man being disintegrated by a vaporizer in his hotel room sounds likely?

Grant: Absotutely.

Lana: Posilootley.

Clem: West is playing really far up.

Grant: 'e's a madman, all right. Kind of reminds me of--

Clem: Don't say it.

Grant: --Mad Zach De la Rocha. Wot a free spirit 'e was.

Clem: You know who coined the name "Mad Zach"?

Grant: Me.

Glick: Gil!

Grant: Oh, yeh. Not me.

Clem: Heh heh. Whoa! Phillipe with a clear lane to West, a beautiful pass, and West heads it in! Lally missed it! It's a goal for Oglethorpia! And the score is tied one-all.

Grant: Madman 'erbert West coming through with the big goal late in the second! Good for 'im.

Glick: He's on the other team, Grant.

Grant: Still. 'E's a good kid.

Glick: Whatever.


Lemmitania 1 (Mellon, 54)
Oglethorpia (1901) 1 (West, 75)
28-10-2003, 06:48
(OOC: Out of 79 possible teams to be grouped with, I end up being grouped with my other "puppet" nation, and play them in the first match too. At least one of my nations won on the first day :P )

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Wins Opening Match
Begin World Cup 9 Qualifying Bid with Victory
by Markenin Markenel

QUELDAS(NP) - The Pandas began their World Cup 9 Qualifying journey with a convincing win over newcomers Tranquillitis this afternoon.

This World Cup features a different format for the grouping system. Instead of fifteen groups of six, ten groups of eight have been formed, with the top 3 teams in each moving on to the World Cup. Nikea's group is group 3, featuring a number of quality teams.

World Cup 8 runners-up Bedistan are the top seeded team in the group. Other teams include 13th ranked Halfassedstates, 26th ranked Anateus Rising, 54th ranked Endray-Island, 87th ranked Zinkoland, and newcomers -Kramerica- and Tranquillitis. Nikea has never played any of these teams, so they are going into the first matchups with little knowledge to go on, other than video tapes.

Perhaps this explained Nikea's relatively slow start in today's matchup. The team struggled to click in the opening minutes, often making bad passes and allowing the Tranquillitis forwards to get some opportunities on goal, but veteran keeper Jeserin Renteriel kept the score nil-nil. The Pandas slowly got into their rythmn and began pressing the young Moose defence, and the persistence paid off as the first goal of the campaign was scored by Jerin Istertel, who headed in a Mortethel cross, in the 25th minute.

The score was 1-0 at the half, and Perin the Panda made his first appearance since his drunken escapades at the Frosty Cup in Tanah Burung, where fans saw Perin run onto the stage during the halftime performance, knock over the electronic equipment, and start a fire, which quickly spread over the wooden stage. The Panda was much subued during halftime, as it appeared that his vodka was taken away from him before the match started.

The second half opened with some solid defensive play by the Pandas, and Moose forwards Henrik Jönsson and Mikael Andersson were visibly frustrated at the collapsing style of the Nikean midfield. The Pandas added another tally when Turinnen Mortethel slotted a kick from 20 yards out just under the bar and past the outstretched hands of Tranquillitis keeper Stefan Eriksson, making it 2-0 in the 71st minute. Further defensive prowess by the Pandas ensured Renteritel's clean sheet when the final whistle blew.

Nikea's next match is at home at Interirien Field in Interiu, as Endray-Island comes to visit. In other Group 3 action, Bedistan opened up their bid to this time take the Cup with a 1-0 victory over Endray-Island. Halfassedstates and Zinkoland drew nil-nil, while Anateus Rising crushed -Kramerica- 4-0.

Nikea 2 (Istertel 25, Mortethel 71)
Tranquillitis 0
28-10-2003, 07:00
The Porlamar Times

Harold O'Neil to be traded?
Sheffingham Rovers manager Milagros Fergus eludes to possible trade

In coments made today as Sheffingham Rovers manager Milagros Fergus left the training field, the manager of 13 years eluded to a possible trade of starting-defender Harold O'Niel. When asked if talks were going on he simply said "yes." Then asked if O'Neil's trade was a serious consideration of the club, Fergus replied "you'll have to wait and see." No specific club was ever named in rumours or in leaked information.

O'Niel himself could not be reached for comment on a possible trade to a foreign club.
Liverpool England
28-10-2003, 07:02
LIVE from CCL National Stadium Arena

Josh Hinar: And welcome, today we're here to watch the first match ofthe Qualifying for World Cup 9, and the defending champs have been grouped together with, ironically, Kaze Progressa and The Belmore Family! And, for the first match, its Liverpool England hosting Kaze Progressa. Now, LIVE to the stadium, where it is half time with special guest, and so-called vapourised ex-Lemmitania commentator, Gil Lemson!

Gil Lemson: Pleasure.

JH: Now, what exactly happened when you got so-called, vapourised?

GL: I just found myself at the airport, boarding a plane for here!

JH: Well, viewers its 1-1 at half time, the defending champions giving away the lead, but in possession 67% of the time! Gil, your thoughts on the first half?

GL: The team, especially Caddy Cannon, played very well. (interrupted by Josh Hinar)

JH: I thought you used to speak differently from this?

GL: (continuing, ignoring Hinar) Let's see his goal - very lucky, coming off a defender to go past the keeper.

JH: We'll have the second half after this.
28-10-2003, 07:03
(OOC: Well, since I posted my Tranquillitis RP under Nikea, I'll use this space for other news.)

Queldas Hikari - Sports, Page 6

Big Move for SF Miserias Before the Champions League?

Rumours have been running wild in local news, as defending Premiership champions SF Miserias are thought to be seeking out an extra boost before they attempt to qualify for the group stage of the Champions League. No official word has surfaced yet, but there is rumoured involvement with Orkinas, as well as a foreign football club, as of yet, unknown. The Hikari will continue to report on this story as more information becomes known.
28-10-2003, 07:04
Tranquillitis Nyheter
Tjänande Anden sedan den är 1955

Moose Fall Short in First World Cup Match
-Erik Åkerfeldt

The Tranquillitis Moose are not expected to do much in their first ever attempt at qualifying for the World Cup, but they did get off to a respectable start today against 44th ranked Nikea.

Despite a 2-0 loss, there were some upsides. Forwards Henrik Jönsson and Mikael Andersson were kept in check, yet the Moose proved capable to make some sort of plays off of Nikean mistakes, which showed some promise for a group of guys from a land covered in ice 8 months of the year. Fullback Per Lundqvist was particularly strong, keeping speedy Nikean forward Kerinen Irisiuene in check for the entire match.

While the match was promising, there were many mistakes. Nikean keeper Jeserin Renteritel played well in the Panda goal, but Andersson and Jönsson missed the net on several occasions in the opening minutes that might have got them a goal and changed the entire pace of the match. Stefan Eriksson was way out of position on the first goal, as the header was poorly struck and should not have gone in. Manager Tomas Hedberg will have many things to work on before their next match, which should prove even tougher as they travel to Anateus Rising, who destroyed -Kramerica- 4-0. The task doesn't get any easier as they are on the road again at Halfassedstates, finally returning back to Tranquillitis for a match in Nolvo Stadium in Eriksberg.

Nikea 2 (Istertel 25, Mortethel 71)
The Moose 0
Liverpool England
28-10-2003, 07:13
(Not as Oddslavo now, but)

Oddslavo (Kros zsent off 89th)
LordSquall 0
28-10-2003, 07:13
In the opening match of the World Cup, the new Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms played and lost to Consumer Engineering in a low-scoring 1-0 match. The only goal was scored in the second half, when an corner kick headed in got past Greg Schmucker. The team, though comprised of the best talent found in Gesamtkuntswerk, lacked the coordination inherent in the former team. Coach Tim Wilder went on record to say "We're a new team, and no matter how much you drill, you won't have the kind of coordination that other teams have. This set a precedence; we'll be ready to face Jezland, and every game we play lets the boys get that much more experience on teamwork."
28-10-2003, 07:43
Ufwurz Furious with Snub Nose Pistol Whipping

Odd Travel Arrangements, Poor Play leave Wizards Second Best in 5-2 Thrashing

From our news services...

Matchday 1, Snub Nose 38–Warnocks Wizards began World Cup 9 qualifying today in disappointing fashion, losing 5-2 to the gun toting bandits of Snub Nose 38. The Wizards looked tired and bewildered through much of the match, having spent several weeks traveling by canoe to reach the borderland nation on Asteroid B 612. Team travel arrangements were left to the amazingly incapable Team Secretary Nazrot the Incompetent, and he must share some responsibility for the Red and White Wizards poor showing. Thanks to Nazrot’s planning, the team lost time needlessly traversing Asteroid belt A 612 thinking it was adjacent to Snub Nose’s home region when it was clear across the solar system. This left the squad exhausted from paddling their canoe half way across the galaxy.

The Red and White Wizards began the game in their traditional away formation of 4-5-1. There were a few surprises to the starting eleven: national team captain Shagrukh the Strongclaw was unavailable as his hands were smashed en route to SN38 owing to poor oarsmanship by teammate Ishhak the Smasher; leading scorer Ishklash the Snooty, who apparently had a personality change to go along with his medical nose change caused by events at the Frosty Cup, refused to play with his “inferior” teammates; and target man Globdreg the Destroyer was curiously dropped in favour of Ashmazh the Tough. The Wizards weakly gave away the opening kick off and the first half went downhill from there. The Snub Nosers scored on a rifled shot in the third minute, a cannon of a shot in the eighth, and a rocket of a shot in the thirty eighth. A fourth goal, a bullet calibre goal, was added in the 45th minute. While one may notice the proliferation of goals and think that the Snub Nosed forwards were largely responsible for the lop-sided margin at the half, it was really the SN38 midfield that was dictating play. Midfielders Knuckles, Neanderthal, and Cromagnon provided the cultured, sophisticated play that led to the home side’s large advantage at the half.

The second half began as a continuation of the first with the bandits controlling play. They added a fifth goal in the 57th minute when the Tank tapped one in. At 5-0 down, Manager Ufwurz strolled onto the field of play, shook hands with the referee, waved to the crowd, and walked away from the game. This had the effect of one of Ufwurz’s infamed half time talks. Warnocks Wizards were on fire for the final 30 minutes. Ishklash the Snooty, by this point finally motivated to play, came on and displayed his world class talents, skipping and sliding through the porous Snub Nose defense. He scored on a sensational solo effort on 63 minutes. A second Wizards goal was added just four minutes later when Ishklash drew the entire defense towards him, and coolly slipped the ball to Ashmazh to finish off the chance for his first international goal. The Wizards continued to pile on the pressure in the final twenty-five minutes, but were denied by several amazing saves by Snubby keeper Pancake. Full time Snub Nose 38 5 Warnocks Wizards 2.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Ghazukh the Burner (c), Ufdush the Nasty, Gromdul the Gasher (Bublok the Destroyer 59), Bagdreg the Mauler, Ghazghash the Sleazy (Ishklash the Snooty 59), Akhklash the Emaciated (Durbret the Choker 59), Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Akhburz the Straggler.

On Matchday 2, the Wizards will return home to play 10th-ranked and group favourite Oglethorpia. The Group 8 match will be played at Warnocks Wizards new national stadium, The As Yet Unnamed Stadium at Mount Doom. It will be the first match ever played there. Stay tuned for a special report, detailing the world class stadium.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1
28-10-2003, 09:11
Akbarland Edges Hippos 1-0
Newcomers SterlingIce were just happy to keep it close against WC veteran Akbarland. Keeper Tim "Timber" Kimber only let through one shot and that was on a PK. Unfortunately, the run-and-shoot employed by Coach Braden was not able to get on track against tougher, international competition.

Total n Utter Insanity
28-10-2003, 12:00
I think I'll do a match round up after 2 games, hard to compete with all this.
28-10-2003, 12:06
Sowhatsville News
Halfassed stumble in opener yet again!

The halfassed football team started their WC9 qualifying campaign the same way they started their last two campaigns, poorly!
In their first game under new coach Jarvis Smith, the team seemed not to know what they were meant to be doing.
Their opponents, Zinokland, were better organised and more interested in the game, and only a couple of tremendous saves by Noe Wayman saved Halfassed from defeat. The attack also looked toothless without Crewgar and only one long range effort from Bundy caused the Zinkoland keeper any problem.

If the team keeps playing like this, it's unlikly they will progress to the finals, especially when they play the tougher teams in the group!

Final score Halfassed 0 - Zinkoland 0
28-10-2003, 13:29
Kravoli's great first match

Kravoli a new nations in the sport of soccer was given the crowd a great shot from what on paper should have been a total white wash.

Squornshelous a team rankedm 25th in the world walked onto the field to an allmighty roar with flags everywhere in the stadium. When the Kravoli team entered a soft brief clap was given but this didn't phase the Kravoli team one single bit.

Kick off went to Squornshelous and nothing much happned for 20minutes until the Squornshelous striker make a dashing run passing not 3 but 4 defenders on his way to scoring the first goal of the match.

It wasn't until to the 7th minute into the 2nd half before Squornshelous managed to score again. A set piece free kick was sent cannoning into the upper left corner of the net.

30second into overtime most people had ruled out any Kravoli goals and some started to leave to beat the rush out but the ones who stayed say something special, From nothing more than a goal kick a series of passes has put the Kravoli striker into a 1 on 1 with the Goalkeeper, a little chip over the diving goal keeper somehow managed to roll in seconds before the defense had time to get to it.

The Kravoli team went crazy and got some more respect from the crowd.
Liverpool England
28-10-2003, 13:35
I think I'll do a match round up after 2 games, hard to compete with all this.

As far as I know, Ravenspire's doing a qualifying-only RP bonus...
28-10-2003, 15:16
I think I'll do a match round up after 2 games, hard to compete with all this.

As far as I know, Ravenspire's doing a qualifying-only RP bonus...

The maximum 'ratio' is one roleplay post per two matches
28-10-2003, 15:26
<OOC>LE, I'd appreciate it if you'd arrange it with me in advance if you want to create a controversy by putting forth a fake Gil.</OOC>

Liverpool England Sporting Authority sued by Lemmitanian Radio Network

Exclusive to the Lemmington Star-Ledger

Lemmington, Lemmitania

The national radio broadcasting system of Lemmitania, LRN, today filed a lawsuit in international court against the Sporting Authority of Liverpool England, accusing the organization of perpetrating a fraud against the person of the late Gil Lemson (former Dean of Lemmitanian sports) in a broadcast yesterday. An as-yet-unnamed Liverpudlian Englander was identified as, and claimed to be, Mr. Lemson, during the half-time break.

The lawsuit calls for the Liverpool England Sporting Authority to cease and desist all claims either that Mr. Lemson is alive, or that any individual in Liverpool England is Mr. Lemson.

Meanwhile, it has been reported that some branches of the 24-hour Church of Gil in Tanah Burung have seized upon the news of Mr. Lemson's transmigration onto a plane to Liverpool England as evidence that the nation of Liverpool England is, in fact, Hell. These reports have not been confirmed by this publication and may be specious.

If Liverpool England does turn out to be Hell, and a Hellmouth is ultimately unearthed beneath Lemmington, it may be that the Tanah Burung national football squad's poor performance in World Cups 6 and 7 may be attributed to Liverpudlian Englanders slipping out of said Hellmouth and infecting them with Evil Spirits. Again, it should be stressed that this is mere specualtion, and not the official position of this publication.
Snub Nose 38
28-10-2003, 15:44
Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

Media Makes Mincemeat of Match
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Remington Grey

Yesterday’s ASPN World Cup 9 Report of the Qualifying Match between the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans and the Warnocks Wizards contrasted sharply with the version of the match reported by the Warnocks Wizards News Services. The final score, according to both sources, was Warnocks Wizards 2, Snub Nose 38 5. However, virtually everything else between the opening kickoff and the final whistle differ in the reports from these two normally reliable sources. Every detail of the match reported by Warnocks Wizards News Services contradicts every detail of the match reported by ASPN.

For example, the Warnocks Wizards News Services reported the following information with regard to the goals scored in the match:

Warnocks Wizards:
Ishdlash the Snooty 63
Ashmazh the Tough 67

Snub Nose 38:
Unnamed player 3
Unnamed player 8
Unnamed player 38
Unnamed player 45
Tank 63

While the ASPN report provided this information about the goals scored:

Snub Nose 38:
Malicious 15, 23, 38
Hanratty 92

Warnocks Wizards:
Durbret the Choker 18
Ashklash the Emacicated (OG) 21
Gromdul the Gasher 22

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, who would give her name only as “Margaret”, theorized that the two sides did not actually meet in a match. Rather, her theory is that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans played a match at our national stadium, “38 Special”, against a side masquerading as the Warnocks Wizards National Side, while at the same time the real Warnocks Wizards National Side was diverted somehow to a stadium masquerading as “38 Special”, and played a match there against a side pretending to be the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. According to this “Margarets” theory, it is mere coincidence that the two matches ended in the same score of 5 to 2.

Questioned later about this theory by this reporter, the Hooligans Manager, Sal Manela, said, “Hogwash. We played the Warnocks Wizards yesterday at “38 Special” Stadium, and we beat ‘em 5 to 2. We recognized ‘em, for Pete’s sake. We were there, they were there, and I don’t know who this “Margaret” person is, but she’s obviously some nut case.”

“Clearly the news media didn’t pay any attention to the match,” added Ivan Tabytcha, Offensive Coach for the Hooligans, “They just heard the final score, and ‘reported’ what they thought would be an interesting match. Typical.”

When asked about the disparity in match reports, ASPN reporter Mike Easter said, “We’ve got tape. We showed some of it on the air. I myself was at the match at…at…where was it again?”

The Minister of Statistics and Other Totally Useless Information announced an immediate investigation into this scandal, being referred to in some quarters as "Mediagate".
edited because WW's "Mediagate" is much better than my pathetic "The Media Scandal" :wink:
28-10-2003, 16:18
the Warnocks Wizards News Services reported the following information with regard to the goals scored in the match:

Warnocks Wizards:
Ishdlash the Snooty 63
Ashmazh the Tough 67

Snub Nose 38:
Unnamed player 3
Unnamed player 8
Unnamed player 38
Unnamed player 45
Tank 63

While the ASPN report provided this information about the goals scored:

Snub Nose 38:
Malicious 15, 23, 38
Hanratty 92

Warnocks Wizards:
Durbret the Choker 18
Ashklash the Emacicated (OG) 21
Gromdul the Gasher 22

I think this can serve as an object lesson for all of us.
28-10-2003, 16:38
Globmazh Speaks Out

Reporter Bazgash too Sly for his own Good?

From our competitive news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–National Football Federation President Globmazh the Mean has spoken out today, condemning the recent Snub Nose 38-Warnocks Wizards match report made by WW1 reporter Bazgash the Sly. After it was pointed out to the world media that there were conflicts between reports from SN38 and WW media agencies, President Globmazh ordered an internal investigation into why the disparities occurred. The investigation has been concluded and it may spell the end for a promising reporter, Bazgash the Sly.

It appears Bazgash and the Wizards National Team did arrive at the correct stadium, 38 Special, and the match did end with a Snub Nose 5-2 victory. However, it turns out Bazgash did not watch the same match as the rest of those in attendance. The internal investigation found that Bazgash was disoriented for a number of reasons during the match. Like the Wizards national team which he traveled with, he was suffering from sheer exhaustion from the circuitous route the team canoe took in reaching Snub Nose 38. He was further disoriented by the overly loud public address system at 38 Special stadium which was polluting the airwaves with some obnoxious “Empams” for each SN38 player. Furthermore, it turns out that Bazgash imbibed a few too many alcoholic cocktails both prior to and during the match (It turns out he was sharing a press box with Margaret from Snub Nose’s Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages.) Bazgash was therefore in a haze during the match and could not remember what he had seen. This accounts for his fabricated version of the match. President Globmazh apologized to the Warnocks Wizards nation and noted that they deserved better, both from their Football Federation in terms of travel arrangements and from their media in providing accurate reports of National Team matches. In concluding his press conference, Globmazh made one further observation of the recent match: the Snub Nose 38 cheerleaders were atrocious.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW2
Tanah Burung
28-10-2003, 17:35
ooc: damn, it's going to be hard to earn RP bonus advantages in my group!

Tanah Burung's home match against Hell Bovines will be played in Matebian Stadium, it was announced today. This will enable Grand Duque Mooo IV, currently in Matebian City for the Third World Solidarity Conference, to step outside and watch his team play. Honour boxes are on offer to all visting dignitaries.
Europa Brittania
28-10-2003, 18:19
[OOC: Thanks to Raven for going ahead with the thread, I broke my cheekbone on friday night and wasn't able to reach my house, let alone use a computer. I should be on at least once a day, but my time will be limited for a few days.

SnubNose I'm glad you like the logo, It was a bit rushed ;)

halfassed, go ahead and take Jarvis Smith if you'd still like, I was going to RP his acceptance before my accident.

The host's curse struck, but I have [mostly] survived! ]
Total n Utter Insanity
28-10-2003, 18:29
OOC: You are accident prone aren't you EB?

This is Mac McMuck broadcasting the sports news the government doesn’t want you to hear! Today the World Cup 9 Qualifiers kicked off in 40 different countries. The Insanician team was at home to One Blue Dot. Let’s go straight over to the highlights before this broadcast is traced! TnUI have the play, they seem to be dominating OBD, and it’s just a matter of time before they score. A lovely ball down the right wing, in comes the cross, deflection off a defender the keepers gone the wrong way and goal!!! 1-0 to the Insanicians. Second half OBD still on the defensive. They haven’t looked like they are gonna score at all. There is a break three on three, nice one two, dummy, shoots. Keeper hits it away, but to an Insanician forward, it’s in!!!! 2-0. Final 10 minutes, OBD look dejected, they came here hoping an under funded TnUI side would be no match for them, they were wrong. Long ball forward, TnUI win it, another break, the keeper is coming off his line, chipped it over him and its in. 3-0. That’s all we have time for, goodnight.
Snub Nose 38
28-10-2003, 18:34
OOC: EB - ouch! :cry: Hope you heal up quickly and painlessly.
28-10-2003, 18:35
Halfassed squad announced!!

In a press conference given earlier to-day, Jarvis Smith finally confirmed the Halfassed squad for the WC9 qualifiers.
(see roster thread!)

When questioned on the fact the team had already played a game and that the seemed highly unprepared for the event, Smith commented that "it is a learning curve and things will get better soon"

Some anaylsts are concerned about Halfassed's chances, as Smith had only managed to attend a couple of domestic matches before announcing the squad. The inclusion of the Time twins from continual non-achievers Wellso has also baffled many, despite Wellso finally finishing off the bottom of the table for the first time this season.

OCC: cheers EB. hope you have a quick recovery
Antaeus Rising
28-10-2003, 18:38
...and in sports news ARs Nation Football Team secured top spot in their group with a four nil drubbing of Kramerica. Captain Kelly Slater had this to say after the match:

"I think we showed today what we are capable of when we are on top form. The Halfassedstates and Bedistan teams had better watch out, we are coming for them."

In other news scientist have successful bred a sheep with a cow...
Snub Nose 38
28-10-2003, 18:52
In other news scientist have successful bred a sheep with a cow...
snippet from the pages of Scuttlebutt mailed by a member of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans to a member of the Hells Bovines National Team

...that scientists in Antaeus Rising report having crossbred a sheep and a cow. No details have yet been provided regarding the offspring that ensued. The Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science is very interested in this experiment, and is debating the wisedom of sending a delegation to Antaeus Rising to meet with the scientists there who undertook the experiment.

Chief Academician Albert Onestone is said to have remarked that this experiment could have serious repurcusions in Hells Bovines. He postulated that it might result in the creation of a new nationstate in the region that could be called "Hells Ovines." He went on to...
Snub Nose 38
28-10-2003, 19:08
Post updated & moved to page 8
Snub Nose 38
28-10-2003, 20:43
*at first we don't recognize where we are, but after a moment we realize we are just inside the "old" basement offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the lighting is dim, provided by two 60 watt light bulbs hanging from the ceiling two meters apart. there are a few folding chairs, an old table, a few metal bookshelves - the ones that look like an erector set, and a desk with three legs (the fourth corner is supported by a pile of books). the minister is seated on a folding chair at the desk, "38 special" brew in hand. behind him, leaning against the window sill, is margaret - wearing her burgundy robe and midnight blue hooded cape. in her left hand is a small leather pouch, with an eagle feather tied to it by a silver strand. in her right hand she holds a battered rubber chicken with one eye and half a wing missing*

- It's the next match, and we aren't ready for it.
- What?
*the minister spills his beer - again. he spends much of the rest of this conversation wiping it up with an old t-shirt he finds in the bottom desk drawer*
- Did you nod off again? I'm talking about the Hooligans match against Evisceratomatoes. It's the next one.
- Well, what of it, Margaret? They have the "Empams" the Academy developed.
- I don't think an Electro Magnetic Personal Aura Modifier is enough. I keep thinking: What if the batteries fail? What if a jersey gets torn, or worse, torn off?
- You're a worry wart, Margaret. How often do batteries fail? How often are jerseys torn off?
- Batteries fail everyday, bub. And jerseys get torn off from time to time. Sometime they even get taken off intentionally when the celebrate a goal.
- So, tell them to keep their shirts on.
- What if the stupid little velcro pouch pops open and the batteries fall out?
- What if the stupid little velcro pouch doesn't pop open?
- I'd just feel better if they'd developed something that blanketed the stadium, and had a back-up system in place.
- Really, Margaret, what's the worst that can happen?
- Think for a minute - oh, sorry, forgot who I was talking to. Look, chum, suppose even one Empam fails. As soon as an Evisceratomatoe player gets close to the Hooligan wearing the failed Empam - SPLAT!!
- Splat?
- Come on, at least try to keep up. Splat. The Evisceratomatoe player explodes, splattering him or herself all over the Hooligan player.
- Yuck!
- Is that all you can say? What happens next? A player will have been "killed" by a player on the other team, while in the act of "fouling" that player from the other team.
- Well...then...well...uh...
- Exactly. Does the ref red card the Hooligan? Or the Evisceratomatoe? Or is a yellow appropriate? Can the Evisceratomatoe player be replaced? If so, is that one of the three allowed substitutions? If not, how many players can be replaced that way? Is the Hooligan ejected? If so, why - he didn't take any action except be a Hooligan? If not, why not- after all, an opponent will have died?
- Auck! Argh! Ugh! Stop!
- And the match is in Evisceratomatoe! Our players, managers, coaches, admin staff, security, the whole magilla, have to go into Evisceratomatoe, stay there until the match is over, and get out - all without any Evisceratomatoes exploding because they're near a citizen of Snub Nose 38.
- Gerkle - but, they have enough batteries? Do they have enough Empams? Do they?
- See? We have to protect them - both sides, all the players, the whole staff. We have to protect the entire citizenry of Evisceratomatoe. We have to prevent any "SPLAT" from happening. And we're relying on the energizer bunny, some extremly fine and breakable wiring, and a minor shift in electro magnetic aura.
- Gluck! Choke, cough, wheeze, gasp...
- So I'm with the chicken again, but this time we're not only sacrificially supplicating the random number gods, we're also trying to cast a spell on the entire stadium to "hide" the aura of Snub Nose Thirtyeightians.
- Hurry, Margaret! Supplicate like you've never supplicated before!
28-10-2003, 21:19
from "The Athletic Review":

Kingsford only team in Group 10 with a Win

The redefined Kingsford National marched into the field with only their second coach in history, Renson Davis. Davis, who has lead Byrana FC to 20 Kingsford Football Association and 45 Central Kingsford Football Union Championships, looks to lead the Kingsford National to atleast the second round.
"We've made it that far in only one cup prior, World Cup 6, and we look to do it again. Our qualifying group is tough, but I think we'll pull it off." Kingsford was the only team to pull off a win for matchday 1, the rest tied, or lost.
The Athletic review will not cover any games against puppet nations, because of the current boycott against puppet nations in the World Cup.
When we asked Renson about his selections for the team, he replied this: "I've cut a lot, and kept a few; however I think that the changes were all for good, and we should have an exceptional performance. Everyone thought I was crazy for taking out John Thompson, but after last night, there's been no doubts as to whether Jorge Salesde can save."

All home games will be held at National Stadium in Kingsford city. To get tickets call (001) 05-3-413-7886 for the National Stadium ticket agency.
28-10-2003, 23:18
Warnocks Wizards Unveils New National Stadium:
The As Yet Un-Named Stadium at Mount Doom

Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Today was a historic day for Mount Doom and the Empire of Warnocks Wizards. A plethora of national stars, politicians, and footballers were on hand to unveil the new national stadium on the slopes of the infamous mountain that was previously known as the birthplace of the Ring of Power. Ever since the fall of Sauron and the destruction of The One Ring, the Committee to Beautify Mount Doom has been seeking a way to reinvent the region. That dream became a reality today with the unveiling of the new national stadium.
National Minister for Sport Ufhur the Hated opened the festivities with a speech in which he proclaimed his dream: to end all warfare and to bring together the peoples of the universe through sport. He then cut the ribbon to the imposing West Gate and proclaimed The As Yet Un-Named Stadium at Mount Doom open for sport. A parade of thousands made their way through the gates to marvel at the new architectural masterpiece. From its exterior, the stadium resembles an imposing fortress with an exterior wall and four tower gates arrayed around the pitch.
The As Yet Un-Named Stadium at Mount Doom

The interior of the stadium is comprised of four two-tiered stands around the pitch. The seating is unique in that is adjustable, which enables the stadium to comfortably seat a wide array of life-forms. For example, the current capacity allows for up to
- 60,000 human- or elf-sized patrons, or
- 90,000 dwarf- or orc-sized patrons, or
- 120,000 hobbit-sized patrons, or
- 45,000 Uruk’Hai-sized patrons, or
- 20,000 giant spider-sized patrons, or
- 10,000 Ent-sized patrons.
The stadium has furthermore been constructed in a way to allow up to two more tiers to be added to each stand, allowing organisers to double the capacity in the future.

On hand for the opening ceremony and festivities were the High Council; Warnocks Wizards National Team; Minister Ufhur the Hated; the Committee to Beautify Mount Doom; representatives of the conglomerate Citizens for a Better Shire, Citizens for a Better Rivendell, Citizens for a Better Moria; multi-millionaire Farmer Maggott III, billionaire perfume-maker and spider Shelob-VIII-Legs, Tolkien award winning author Lurtz the Omniscient and Elven superstar folk singer Maldholwen. During the opening ceremony, Lurtz read his famous “Ode to a Dung Beetle” and Maldholwen sang her new hit “Evening Star, Football Star.”Also in attendance were the national team of Oglethorpia and representatives of that same football power. Warnocks Wizards faces Oglethorpia in the next world cup qualifier.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1
29-10-2003, 00:15
The Maracaibo Post

Warnock Wizards = WW1 = World War 1?
Acronym "WW1" confuses Oglethorpian analysts across the nation

Oglethorpian news agencies all over the nation are baffled at the acronym of the local Warnock Wizards news broadcasting channel. Most lead analysts of the Porlamar News Network seem to agree that "WW1" references the Great War, or World War I of 1914 to 1917. "No one calls it the great war," said a lead analyst. "It's called WW1. That's what they're referring to. It's simple, really."

Colleagues of the man disagree. "You have to remember, this nation is called 'Warnock Wizards,' said another statistician at the PNN. "And maybe the person had an affinity with the number one. Since it is the loneliest number."

The latter analyst apologized for the poor song reference. We let him go - with a warning.

Will the quandry ever be resolved? More on the story as it comes.


OOC: I'll post another story soon here, I must...attend to other things. Yes. That's it.
29-10-2003, 00:40
OOC: Hehe...WW1 refers to Warnocks Wizards 1, the main news outlet of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards.
29-10-2003, 00:48
The Porlamar Times

Defeated by the Wizards!
Warnock Wizards striker Ashmazh the Tough wins the day

Matchday two was upon Oglethorpia, it's World Cup-squad set to face Warnock Wizards, playing their second World Cup. Oglethorpia was heavily favored going into the match; ranked 10th in the world against a team of Warnock Wizards who were 77th in the world.

All was even into the half -- Oglethorpia 0, Warnock Wizards 0. New goalie Ken'Ichi Yamamoto had made two fantastic saves already in the half. 67th minute, however, and Warnock Wizards player Ashmazh the Tough would put WW one up on Oglethorpia.

Torrence Black and Fernando Green attempted to lead a charge for an Oglethorpian comeback -- Eduardo Escobar of the Maracaibo Sports Network nearly shouted "ggoooaaall;" it was offsides.

Oglethorpia's further attempts on goal were thwarted by the defense of Warnock Wizards, and the Oglethorpian World Cup-squad would fall to Warnock Wizards with the end of full time.

"It's a disappointment," coach Guy Picciotto commented. "Definitely. Offense didn't make anything happened where it mattered." The loss puts Oglethorpia down two spots from last in group 8.

"Back to the drawing board," said team captain Fernando Green. We'll see if the team can rebound on matchday 3.
29-10-2003, 00:56
Matchday 2 scores and tables ( are up.
29-10-2003, 01:06
Bedistan Sports Television -- BSTV Sports Tonight
with Sam Murphy and Joey Stanton

Sam: Good evening everyone, and welcome to BSTV Sports Tonight. Once again, our topic is the World Cup -- specifically the qualifying matches for World Cup Nine.

Joey: Indeed, Sam, and our team is looking sharp so far. The 1-0 win over Endray-Island gave us a nice boost, and we looked good in today's game in Zinkoland.

Sam: Ah, Zinkoland....never been there, but it sure sounds like a cool place. Hey Joey, why aren't we doing the live match commentary anymore?

Joey: Unfortunately, the network's had to make some budget cuts, so we can't travel out of Bedistan to do commentary anymore. You can, of course, listen to the match on BDFM 105.9.

Sam: Anyway, to the point -- another match, another win for the Lions. Let's run down the highlights of the Zinkoland game.

Joey: Right out of the gate, here's Fernando Sippel with the ball; he takes a shot, the keeper is caught completely by surprise, and the Lions are up 1-0 in the second minute.

Sam: Morlock and Sippel could well become the next Lewis and Whitehurst. Don't know about Javier Lewey; we haven't seen much from him yet.

Joey: Not too long afterward, here comes Claire Briscoe up from the back, just dodges that mid, gets up pretty far, sets it up and slams it in. 2-0 Bedistan, and the game looked like a foregone conclusion from there.

Sam: Very much so. The rest of the match was quite boring. Lewey out at the half; Coach Barber brings in 16-year-old Clinton Saravia on defense, moving into the 5-3-2. Mitchell could've just left the field afterward; he got practically no action in the second half. Final: 2-0 Bedistan.

Joey: The team now comes back home to face -Kramerica- tomorrow. World Cup 8 runner-ups against an unranked team; I don't foresee any problems.

Sam: Neither do I. Anyway, for Joey Stanton, I'm Sam Murphy saying good night from BSTV Sports Tonight.

Final score:
Zinkoland 0
Bedistan 2 (Sippel 2, Briscoe 17)
29-10-2003, 01:09
(OOC: Haha, I like the stadium on Mount Doom. Funny that the Mountain of Fire has all of a sudden grown grass :p )

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Continue Winning Ways
Top Group 3 Early on More Goals For
by Markenin Markenel

INTERIU(NP) - The Pandas continued on track today, while other favourites in Group 3 play were surprised at home.

Nikea's second match was against Endray-Island, who had lost in the previous match to Bedistan 1-0. The Pandas expected a tougher match than they had the previous match with Tranquillitis, as Endray-Island had been a tough opponents for teams in the past.

The Interiu fans were quite amused at the start of the match, when the Endray-Island players, apparently hearing that the weather in the Devils Desert was quite frigid, came onto the pitch in large winter parkas. The official quickly ran up to the players and told them to remove their parkas, which caused some protest amongst the Endray-Islanders until one of them removed his parka and realized that the southern Nikea weather was not that bad. The Islanders troubles with weather gear continued when it started to rain, a common phenomenon in the Nikean south. To the dismay of the Islanders, they quickly realized that they had forgotten any rain wear, which caused the substitutes in the first row of the bench to be soaked by the end of the match, as that part of the bench is exposed to the elements.

The play was greatly affected by the weather conditions. The ball was quite slippery, and it caused the first goal of the match, when an Endray Island forward's shot was caught temporarily by Renteritel, whose grasp on the ball caused it to squirt out of his hands and behind him into the goal. The match was 1-0 at the half.

The Pandas came out firing in the second, however, with their newly designed rain boots (available at all major Nikean sports stores) giving them a crucial advantage in grip on the pitch. The Pandas equalized early in the second with a strike by Keresin Keresiuene, which took a funny bounce off the far post and barely crossed the line, as the soggy pitch slowed down any momentum the ball had. The Pandas took the lead for good when Kalainen Mersentel blocked an Islander clearing attempt and volleyed the ball into the net for the game's third score. That was all the Pandas needed to secure the 2-1 victory.

Nikea now travels to Zinkoland, who have yet to win a match, earning a draw with Halfassedstates and losing to Bedistan. In other group 3 action today, Bedistan defeated the aforementioned Zinkoland 2-0, while in two surprise results, -Kramerica- defeated the visiting Halfassedstates 3-2, and Tranquillitis earning a 2-1 victory at Anateus Rising.

Nikea 2 (Keresiuene 48, Mersentel 62)
Endray-Island 1 (<player> 12)
29-10-2003, 01:21
World Cup Watch
Post-Matchday 2

Ray McHale: Hey folks, matchday two of World Cup qualifying's all wrapped up, and Mike and I are here to bring you the highlights. Mike, go ahead and give us some comments.

Mike White: Ravenspiran booze sure is good stuff.

Ray: That it is. And on to World Cup 9 highlights. Alright Mike, Oglethorpia vs. Warnock Wizards.

Mike: Alright.

Ray: Talk about it.

Mike: Alright.

Ray: Now.

Mike: Oh, alright. Oglethorpia -- highly favored in the match, 10th in the world. But it was not to be, Warnock Wizards pulling off the upset.

Ray: A disappointing one. I can bet that no one expected that one, especially the Oglethorpian fans.

Mike: Well, matchday 9 will see a rematch; and you can be sure the Oglethorpian World Cup-squad will be out to fight for their honor.

Ray: Two losses to WW would be devastating.

Mike: Aye. And now from the Oglethorpian-squad, we've got striker Fernando Green -- Fernando, welcome.

Fernando Green: Wuzz up, hey? Its good ta be here today, ole sport.

Mike: "Ole sport?"

Fernando: Righ'-- it's a Brit thing.

Ray: I wouldn't expect you to be British -- Fernando- that doesn't sound remotely English.

Fernando: Wot, you wanna sit 'round all day talkin' 'bout that rot?

Ray: Hrm. So, Fernando -- how's the team taking the loss to Warnock Wizards?

Fernando: Well, Ray, ole chap -- not too hard, hey? The guv'ment may press'em to preform all wizard-like-

Mike: No pun intended?

Ray: It's a British thing.

Fernando: No 'ya tosser, it's a Brit thing -- but as I'was sayin', before bein' intrupted -- the guv'ment's on us hard to preform all good-like, hey? But the guys -- diss'pointed, but ready to go out 'n play 'gain.

Mike: Good to hear.

Fernando: It's a new team, hey? We'still workin' out them...things. We'll get'er together to preform, hey? Righ', it'll all be good against'em Evicer'matos.

Ray: They're a new time and shouldn't provide too much trouble.

Mike: The Oglethorpian squad is heavily, heavily favored to beat the Evisceratomatoes.

Ray: Can I hold you to that?

Mike: Aye. The Evisceratomatoes are much different from the 77th ranked Warnock Wizards team in terms of skill.

Fernando: We'll be tryin'our bes', hey?

Ray: Hey.

Mike: We're wishing you the best. For Ray McHale and Oglethorpian captain Fernando Green, i'm Mike White -- good night folks!
29-10-2003, 01:32
The Porlamar Times

1901 Oglethorpian team in space-time paradox?
1901 National Team finds itself in same group as the Weegies for the second time

Perhaps it is dumb luck, or fixing on the part of the host nation(s): but the time-traveling squad from 1901 representing Oglethorpia in the World Cup finds itself in the same qualifying group as the Weegies -- whom the 1901 World Cup-squad of Oglethorpia defeated once, and lost to once, now twice.

For the Weegies would beat out Oglethorpia two-one, securing the lead over the 1901-squad early on in the match.

Harold MacKaye, 1901 WC-squad goalie would give up two goals, both in the first 30 minutes of the match. George Silva and Charles Smith would put together one fantastic run to score a goal on the Weegies -- but too little too late, as full time ended before the striking-duo could put together any more chances on goal.

Both the modern Oglethorpian squad and the 1901-squad would have losses on matchday two.

More on the World Cup and the respective Oglethorpian teams as it comes.
29-10-2003, 01:33
OOC: Hehe...WW1 refers to Warnocks Wizards 1, the main news outlet of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards.

OOC: By the way, I've noticed that Thrakhak the Slinger apparently reports for both WW1 and WW2. Is this a common practice in WW? ;)
29-10-2003, 01:33
New Spaam Times
Football World Cup Qualifying

Spaam has started the IX Football World Cup qualifying season with a win, defeating Lanky Dude in Artanis yesterday. In front of a crowd of 67000, the Spaamanians greeted the young footballing nation with a rendition of the traditional Lanky Dudish dance, which looked suspiciously like a normal Spaam warming up session. Coach Hoopai, who is in her 7th year as coach fielded a young team captained by veteran Mèla Sëhelin. Once the match started, it was incredibly fast paced, with the Lanky Dudes managing to keep Spaam's strong offense at bay with their impressive interceptive abilities. The Lanky Dude goalkeeper saved every single attempt in the first half, arms and legs everywhere.
After half-time, Spaam's offense seemed to increase in intensity, trying to break the seemingly inpenetrable Lanky Dudish defense. The respite came in the 56th minute, when the young Spaam team managed to get the ball clear to Sëhelin. Now facing a one-on-one with the goalie, she showed why she is one of the best strikers in the world, sending the ball rocketing into the upper-right corner. This was Sëhelin's 32nd international goal, pushing her into the top 10 goal scorers ever. The rest of the match was much of the same hectic and exciting play, with Spaam ending up 1 nil victors.
In other news, East Spaam played extremely well to keep 5th seed Timway to a 1 nil win. Spaam and East Spaam are in the same group in these qualifiers, and will be meeting in two games time in East Spaam.
29-10-2003, 01:34
Victory at Mount Doom!!!

Warnocks Wizards Stun Oglethorpia in Inaugural Match at New National Stadium

From our news services...

Matchday 2, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–The Warnocks Wizards National Team stunned the world this evening with a 1-0 victory over 10th ranked Oglethorpia at the brand new national stadium at Mount Doom. Striker Ashmazh the Tough’s 67nd minute cracker of a goal settled an entertaining match and gave the Wizards their first win in World Cup 9 qualifying. It was also the first win at the new national stadium, which football federation officials announced just prior to kick off will now be known as Fortress Warnock.

Manager Ufwurz the Furious made a couple of changes to the side that lost a disappointing first round match to the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans. National captain Shagrukh the Strongclaw returned to the back four, winger Durbret the Choker replaced the injured Ghazghash the Sleazy, and Ishklash the Snooty regained his starting spot. The lads lined up in a 4-4-1-1 formation with Ishklash playing directly behind target man Ashmazh the Tough.

The first half began with either side trading chances. Ashmazh just headed over a cross from Durbret and Oglethorpia striker Torrence Black had a shot well saved by Wizards keeper Ishhak the Smasher. Both sides displayed excellent passing skills with midfielder Baltasar Gray standing out in particular. Luckily for the home side, Gromdul the Gasher continued his good form at defensive midfield and kept Gray at bay. There was some controversy at the end of the half when Oglethorpia attacker Jorge White went down in the box. The referee booked him for diving, leaving visiting manager Guy Picciotto fuming on the sidelines. The half ended Warnocks Wizards 0, Oglethorpia 0.

In the second half, Manager Picciotto got the penalty he thought he deserved. Mausnik the Cleaver brushed up against Francisco Green in the penalty area, sending the Oglethorpian captain flying through the air. This evoked some furious protests from Wizard Manager Ufwurz. In the end he had little to worry about, Ishhak made a stunning save on Green’s penalty effort. Ishhak quickly punted the ball down field and it fell for Ashmazh. The burly forward duly nodded on to the on-rushing Ishklash, who jinked and jived his way free into the box. The silky striker returned the fall to Ashmazh who buried the ball into the far corner. Warnocks Wizards 1, Oglethorpia 0. The sell out home crowd went beserk. The Red and White Wizards then had to endure some pressure from the highly regarded Oglethorpia side and the match nearly was tied in the 82nd minute. Torrence Black headed a ball from a corner that appeared to be heading for the top corner of the Wizards net. Members of the Oglethorpia press contingent thought the ball was a sure goal and began screaming for joy. However, they were premature as versatile Wizards defender Ghazukh the Burner leaped like a salmon, headed the ball away and prevented the goal. Manager Ufwurz was dancing on the sidelines as his team held on for a historic victory. It finished Warnocks Wizards 1, Oglethorpia 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher (Bublok the Destroyer 73), Durbret the Choker, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated (Akhburz the Straggler 80), Ishklash the Snooty, Ashmazh the Tough.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Gabdul the Looter, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 8, Warnocks Wizards welcome former Frosty Cup hosts Tanah Burung to Fortress Warnock.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1
29-10-2003, 01:41
OOC: Hehe...WW1 refers to Warnocks Wizards 1, the main news outlet of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards.

OOC: By the way, I've noticed that Thrakhak the Slinger apparently reports for both WW1 and WW2. Is this a common practice in WW? ;)

OOC: Well spotted. He's multi-talented is our Thrakhak.

(To be pedantic, Thrakhak was previously at WW2. But with the media fiasco following the Snub Nose match, he was moved over to WW1 to replace Bazgash the Sly, who is now in a rehab program at New Rivendell.)
29-10-2003, 01:42

No, I did NOT double post.

ESPECIALLY NOT the first double post of World Cup 9.

Though that is a fancy title...

29-10-2003, 01:42
29-10-2003, 01:42

Press members mobbed the Oglethorpian striker following the match in Warnock Wizards -- "Jorge, was it a dive or a tackle?" "Mr. White, did you deserve the yellow?" "What kind of dive was that?!" Even some rautious members of the press had the nerve to elude that White had executed a poor, obvious dive in the box.

White made no comment on the matter -- all he said was "I don't even get that many yellows."

Bitter Oglethorpian striker Torrence Black only said that "maybe he should work on his diving skills." Black is known for having earned a penalty kick off a controversial call in the goalie's box, subsequently scoring the penalty kick to win the Porlamar-Maracaibo Cup, the championship of club futebol in Oglethorpia.

The Association of Futebol of Oglethorpia has not commented on the diving call on Jorge White.
Commerce Heights
29-10-2003, 02:00
Bulldogs Pick Up 10th World Cup Victory In 25th World Cup Match At Home Against SterlingIce
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH (2/20/23 CHE) - After a hard morning in practice, the #23 Bulldogs (1-1-0) got their act together to defeat unranked SterlingIce (0-0-2) in their second match of World Cup 9. With a 9-8-7 record prior to the game, the Bulldogs got both their 25th match and 10th win on the same day with Quigley's 12th-minute goal against the SterlingIce goalkeeper.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 12)
(UR) SterlingIce 0 - FT

Other scores in Group 2 action:
(15) Errinundera 2

(52) Eauz 2
(37) Akbarland 1

(2) Haraki 1
CallMeBernard 1

[code:1:c8335807ad]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz (52) 2 2 0 0 3 0 +3 6
Errinundera (15) 2 1 1 0 5 2 +3 4
Commerce Heights (23) 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
Akbarland (37) 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
NASTIC 2 2 0 2 0 4 4 0 2
Haraki (2) 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
CallMeBernard 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
SterlingIce 2 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0[/code:1:c8335807ad]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs NASTIC 2 – T 2-2
Day 2: vs SterlingIce – W 1-0
Day 3: at #52 Eauz
Day 4: vs CallMeBernard
Day 5: vs #37 Akbarland
Day 6: at #2 Haraki
Day 7: at #15 Errinundera
Day 8: at NASTIC 2
Day 9: at SterlingIce
Day 10: vs #52 Eauz
Day 11: at CallMeBernard
Day 12: at #37 Akbarland
Day 13: vs #2 Haraki
Day 14: vs #15 Errinundera
[code:1:c8335807ad] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9
Games Played 25 10 13 2
Wins 10 3 6 1
Draws 8 3 4 1
Losses 7 4 3 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 79.5 62.6 81.7 150.0
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16 150
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16 150
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.2 1.0 gpg
Goal Differential +3 -3 +5 +1
Rank 100 54 23[/code:1:c8335807ad]
29-10-2003, 02:04
Heh, CH -- your stat calculating skills impress me :wink:
Hell Bovines
29-10-2003, 02:20
The Bovine Herald
The First Defeat Of The Cup

Following the entretaining match between our nation and Oglethorpia ,which ended in a draw, matchday 2 was maked by the first defeat of the milkers against the cocodriles from Tanah Burung.
The final result was: Tanah Burung 2 - Hell Bovines 0
The crocs showed a lot of hability, specially striker Yosepha Syahrir, who scored the 2 goals of the match.
Our duque,currenly participating on the 'Third World Solidarity Conference', in Tanah Burung, was able to see the match, and the defeat of our team. Rumours say that he had an interview with the new bovinian coach, Bernardo Brownhorns, but this has not been confirmed.
Anyway, this defeat was indeed an important one, and sadly, our national team now stands on the last places of the group table.

-Cosmo Penbovine, special journalist for all world cups
Snub Nose 38
29-10-2003, 02:48
Snub Nose 38
29-10-2003, 02:48
Snub Nose 38
29-10-2003, 02:50

*the aspn sports theme is playing a little too loudly. it is still totally unsuited to any kind of sports, sporting event, sports news cast. we wonder why the show's producer hasn't been fired. we see a translucent snub nose 38 hooligans logo, and through it, in quick succession, three fabulous goals, two magnificent saves, an extremely well executed tackle, and finally a slow motion shot of two opponents attempting to head the ball, and instead managing to "head" one another. fade to the aspn sports desk. behind it on the wall are a jersey of the snub nose 38 hooligans and beside it an evisceratomatoe jersey. then, on screen appear the following words, emphasized by being read aloud in voice over*


Today was the second day of qualifying matches for World Cup 9. The schedule forced the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans to travel to Evisceratomatoe and face their national team. Upon arriving by charter flight in Evisceratomatoe, the entire Snub Nose 38 Hooligan delegation found themselves quarantined. Natives of Evisceratomatoe would not approach within 25 meters of any citizen of Snub Nose 38. In fact, it turns out that a law has been enacted making it a felony to come within 20 meters of a citizen of Snub Nose 38, except on the field of play. The Hooligans and their entourage were forced to check themselves through customs, inspect their own luggage, and carry their own baggage. Once outside the airport, they found a fleet of taxis had been placed at their disposal - but they were required to drive themselves.

The route to their hotel was laid out for them, and barricades emplaced to prevent straying from the marked route. Upon arrival at the hotel, located adjacent to the stadium, the team found that the entire hotel had been put at their disposal. Once again, however, they had to fend for themselves, as they found the hotel completly devoid of staff.

The route to the stadium, only a short walk from the hotel, was barricaded as before. Upon arrival at the stadium a few hours before the match, the Hooligans found their locker room sealed off from the rest of the stadium, with a single tunnel leading to the pitch open for them.

The Hooligan fans were quarantined as well. The stands on the north side of the stadium were fenced off, and only citizens of Snub Nose 38 were allowed there. The south side was reserved for Eviseratomatoe fans. The west and east, behind both goals, were roped off and left empty.

Once Manager Sal Manela was assured that each player had a properly tuned and fully functional "Empam", the Hooligans took the field, and the match got underway.

It was quite an odd match. For the first 20 minutes not only was there no scoring, but not much football either. The Evisceratomatoes were hesitant, understandably, to go near the Hooligans, who were equally hesitant to go near the Evisceratomatoes. The sides kind of kicked the ball back and forth, making some half hearted attacks which were broken off as soon as any kind of defense was offered.

Then, in the 21st minute, Cromagnon drove towards goal with purpose. The Evisceratomatoe defense moved in his direction, but he ignored them and bore down on goal. At the last minute the only defender anywhere near Cromagnon put himself between the Hooligan and the goal, and as Cromagnon tried to evade him, reached out and tugged on the Hooligans jersey.

Which ripped.

And, as Cromagnon tried to escape the Evisceratomatoe defenders grasp, was torn completely off.

The other 20 players on the field stopped dead in their tracks. The entire stadium went dead silent.

The Evisceratomatoe defender instantly over-ripened, and SPLAT - exploded, covering Cromagnon from head to foot in tomato juice.

The Errinunderian referees whistle blew. She ran over, and lifted her red card and pointed at Cromagnon. She then lifted her yellow card, and pointed...well, tried to point at the Evisceratomatoe defender. But, of course, she could not, because he was no longer there - or, really, he was there, but in a rather juicy, messy, sloppy, and certainly NOT live, form.

Cromagnon left the pitch. Another Evisceratomatoe defender was "substituted" for the one that had been yellow carded (for the last time, we might add). And the match went on. Sort of.

At about the 38th minute Hooligan Tank took a long range shot on goal, which was deflected by the Evisceratomatoe keeper. Tank followed up the rebound, and was about to strike it, when the keeper leaped on the ball - and, as he did so, knocked Tank into the near post.

Tanks jersey snagged on the net.

As he tried to run back into play, his jersey tore - completely off him.

And the keeper went SPLAT.

And the ref rushed over, whistle blowing, raised her red card and indicated Tank. Then, she raised her yellow card, and indicated - the pool of tomato juice on the ground in front of the goal.

Tank left the field. A substitute Evisceratomatoe keeper trotted on. And the match, after a fashion, went on - the Hooligans now down to 9, against a full 11 Evisceratomatoe side.

Then, in the 44th minute - well, without going into the gory details, Hanratty was red carded, and another Evisceratomatoe substitute had to be brought on to replace...

At the half, the score was 0 - 0, but the Hooligans were now down to 8. They dejectedly headed for the locker room.

And the Hooligan Cheerleaders took the field. Carrying several large items wrapped in tarps. They set the items down, and formed themselves into the traditional "38" to begin their show. Then, they lowered the tarps, to reveal -

A two meter tall bottle of vodka, a one meter tall bottle of tabasco sauce, a 1 meter tall tumbler filled with very large ice cubes and a very large stalk of celery. Three of the Cheerleaders poured about 10 centimeters of vodka into the glass, while two others poured a little tabasco sauce in.

And the rest of the Cheerleaders, grinning demonically, danced. And tried to entice the Evisceratomatoe fans to come to them. All the while cheering...

"Snub Nose Hooligans need a drink.
A little vodka, a little ice
a little celery, tabasco's nice.
a little tomato juice would fill the bill.
Evisceratomatoes, come on down!!"

Evisceratomatoe Security ran towards the Cheerleaders. The first to come within 10 meters - SPLAT!! And the rest decided that the old adage about discretion being the better part of valor was obviously true. After a few minutes, and a quick phone call from the Evisceratomatoe manager to the Hooligan manager, Snub Nose 38 Security came out and dragged the Hooligan Cheerleaders off the pitch.

The second half was twenty minutes old before any scoring took place. The Hooligans, down to 8, were trying deperately to avoid the Evisceratomatoes - who, having seen three of their team mates and a Security Guard instantly ripen and explode, were trying just as desperatley to avoid the Hooligans.

Then, in the 77th minute, the Evisceratomatoes mounted a serious attack on the Hooligan goal. Three of there number coverged on two Hooligan defenders. A flurry of activity, legs, arms, heads, and suddenly the ball is in the net. The Evisceratomatoe side celebrated for two full minutes - well away from the Hooligans, who simply stood on the pitch in dismay.

In the 89th minute the Evisceratomatoes managed to slip another past Pancake - who seemed more interested in avoiding the Evisceratomatoe striker than in intercepting the ball.

This brought the score to 2 - 0. And that's how the match ended - with three Evisceratomatoes "missing", three Hooligans red-carded, and a Final score of EVISCERATOMATOES 2 - SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 0

The Snub Nose 38 Manager, Sal Manela, lodged an official protest of the match within minutes of the final whistle.

29-10-2003, 02:57
Aquillans cheered over their first win but then sank low for their first loss; "I don't know if we're going to make it" moaned the coach, well aware that he is DEAD if Aquilla does not qualify. In other news Aquillan archenemies Commerce Heights are one point ahead of Aquilla. In yet other news it was announced that Eaglet was a dependent state of Aquilla.
Tanah Burung
29-10-2003, 04:02
Oh Snub, you slay me. :lol: Well, not literally. Actually, maybe it is literally, since you just slayed four Evisceratomatoes. Oh, bother. Never mind. Evisceratomatoes reaction later.


Duque Mooo, in splendour, tossed the coin to kick off the Crocodiles match with Hell Bovines. His team, in long and gorgeous robes, came out fighting. Tanah Burung and Hell Bovines have met once before, a 2-0 win for the Crocs in the Frosty Cup four years ago.

It was the same score again today, with Yosepha Syahrir providing both goals in the first half. The first came off a long pass from Bibere which narrowly avoided the Bovinian offside trap. Syahrir slotted the ball into the top right corner of the net. A pretty goal. 1-0 Tanah Burung.

Syahrir's second goal came after a corner kick from Canabe Livit which she headed into the net to make the score 2-0. That's how it would end, as substitutions moved the Crocs into a more defensive second half.

The game was played clean, with no cards. This was partly for diplomatic reasons: with ten of the eleven members of Tanah Burung's collective presidency and the Hell Bovinian head of state all watching, the pressure to make on-field relations as friendly as relations off the field was high. In fact, co-president Markus Rumbiak had threatened to re-legalize corporal punishment and horsewhip any player who fouled a Bovine.

"The Crocs continue to improve," said coach Bi Kikere. "And it was a good effort from the Bovines. Really though, they need to lose the robes. They cold run faster if they wore shorts like everyone else. Yeah, a bunch of enormous cows in running shorts would look odd, but there are stranger things in the world."

Next up, the Crocodiles travel to Warnocks Wizards, who are so far undefeated in their new fastness atop the strangely cheerful-looking Mount Doom. The Wizards are another Frosty alumnus, but much-improved form the team that visited Tanah Burung four years ago.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 2 Hell Bovines 0
(Syahrir 12, 41)
29-10-2003, 04:05
Kickassers apply feet to posteriors

by Gillian Gilquest, exclusive to the Gilmeecian Sporting Mail and Telegraph

Today in the little-known nation of Morawny, the Gilmeecian national football squad took to the pitch and neatly handled their opposition. The Morawny Morawns, new entrants to the World Cup, put up a fair show of resistance but in the end were overmatched by the experienced Kickasser side.

Scoring began late in the first half on a goal by Wrench Cargill. Play had favored the Kickassers throughout the half, with goalkeeper Gilgabody Gilmooster defending only two shots, but the Morawn defense held tough until a lovely pss through traffic by Gilgo Gobbins found Cargill available and ready to score at the thirty-eight-minute mark. The goal was just Cargill's fifth in 26 matches in international play, and the underachieving striker made the most of it, sprinting around the pitch, screaming, "I kick your ass! I kick your ass!" at the Morawnian players and fans until the judges saw fit to issue a booking. Carded and chastened, Cargill behaved himself for the rest of the match and did not participate in any further shots on goal.

The Kickassers' scored again in the closing moments of the first half when Gobbins and Bix Gilderbecke broke into a sprint for the goal after a nice tackle by Gillian Mudd gave the Kickassers possession while the Morawns were hopelessly out of position. The Morawn goalkeeper watched helplessly as the strikers bore down on him, defenders trailing behind them (as close as they could come to running offsides), and the only question was, which forward would score the goal? It was Gobbins, with Gilderbecke on assist.

The Morawns managed to cut the score in half at the seventy-four-minute mark on Gilmooster's lone lapse on the day, but it was too little too late; the Kickassers would not surrender another goal, and the score remained 2-1 to the end.


In injury news, Mifflestein Gilbaker received her first start in two Cups, playing in the midfield in place of Gilgamesh McPhee, who was unable to dress for the match. McPhee has been confined to his bed since shortly after the opening match against Auir II. Though the team physician has not reported on his condition except to say that he is stable, speculation runs rampant that McPhee's condition is the result of a nasty neck-bite he sustained during the first qualifier. It may be that the Auir IIican who bit McPhee was rabid, or had a very nasty cold. McPhee is listed as questionable for the Kickassers next match, at home against One Blue Dot.


Match summary:
Gilmeecia 2 (Cargill 38, Gobbins 44)
Bookings: Cargill yellow for unsporting conduct (excessive celebration)
Morawny 1 (74)
29-10-2003, 04:12
Coming back from a scorless loss first match, the Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms overtook Team Jezland in an action-packed 3-2 match. In the opening moments of the game the Sturms defence was challenged by Team Jezland; despite good footwork by Dmitri Audobondt, a goal was scored in the 23rd minute. Not discouraged by the goal, the Sturms pushed back, the attack spearheaded by Pádraig O Máille, who scored the first Sturm goal of the game in the 30th minute. The next push by Team Jezland was broken by Mathias Bokowitz, who pushed the ball back into Jezland territory and assisted the second Sturm goal in the 41st minute. The second half showed an evenly matched team, though an error by Holden Caufield allowed a second Jezland. In the closing minutes of the game, a hand ball yielded an opportunity to shoot on Jezland's goal; Joseph Alulis took full advantage of the sitation and scored with seven minutes left on the clock. Coach Wilder comments: "This is what I was talking about. The team came together and worked as a group. You'll see more of this kind of action... just watch."
29-10-2003, 04:12
I broke my cheekbone on friday night

<OOC>Yowch! Out barfighting, were you? Good luck on a speedy recovery.

Say, isn't that what happened to Martin Shaw?</OOC>
29-10-2003, 04:32

... etc....

Heh. Brilliant. I dunno why, but the evisceratomatoes are really tickling my fancy.
29-10-2003, 05:21
Tranquillitis Nyheter
Tjänande Anden sedan den är 1955

Moose Shock Football Community
-Erik Åkerfeldt

The Tranquillitis Moose have won their first ever international football match, with a victory today over 26th ranked Anateus Rising 2-1, on the road no less.

The Moose looked headed for another defeat early on, and if it wasn't for the solid play of Moose keeper Stefan Eriksson, who managed to keep the match a nil-nil draw. The first ever goal for the Moose on the world (and partially out of the world) stage came in the 32nd minute, when Mikael Andersson slammed a shot that caught the inside of the near post, giving the Moose a 1-0 lead going into the half.

In the second half, Anateus Rising quickly leveled the score with a nice goal off of a corner kick, where Eriksson, like the second goal in the previous match with Nikea, was out of position for. The 74th minute saw the Moose get another strike, this time from captain Magnus Magnusson, who finished off a nice passing play with Andreas Källström. The Moose were able to hold on to collect the 2-1 victory.

That was not the only surprise in group 3, however. -Kramerica-, previously destroyed by Anateus Rising 4-0, defeated Halfassedstates 3-2 at home. The other two matches were fairly predictable, however, as Bedistan defeated Zinkoland 2-0, and Nikea downed Endray-Island 2-1. The Moose now continue their road swing into Halfassedstates, who will be sure to redeem themselves from today's shocking defeat.

Anateus Rising 1 (<player> 47)
The Moose 2 (Andersson 32, Magnusson 74)
29-10-2003, 05:25
Poor match by Kravoli

After a brilliant last match Kravoli have suddely being pulled back to earth with a massive 4-0 shutout by a pumped up Ariddia side.

Once against the crowd has against Kravoli. And it did phase them in the arly part of the match.

All 4 goals where scored within the first 20minutes of the match as the Kravoli team was caught in some thrance. They managed to hold off until the 2nd half without extra goals and in the 2nd half had a fightback but couldn't pass the rigid defense of the the 19th best team in the world
Steel Butterfly
29-10-2003, 05:29
Zombie Virus?

I always knew there was something strange about you soccer players :roll:
29-10-2003, 05:37
Our floaty metallic friend refers to this thread. (
29-10-2003, 05:53
Heh, a great thread it is.
29-10-2003, 06:29
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Nath Sayd, bringing you Offshore’s second match in the football World Cup. You’re listening to Radio Offshore! Today we again welcome a team: the Lowland Clans. I think some of their players were a little surprised at our National Stadium, but I’m sure they’ll get over it once the game starts...

So, playing for Offshore today we have the team captain, Keita Fujiyoshi, of course. And Wald, Smith, Blakes, Ramirez, Yavislov, Lake, Ndoca and Skyle. And Seung as goalkeeper.

The Lowland Clans have the kickoff. They move the ball quickly forward, well coordinated... Surely they can’t score this soon... No, Lake intercepts. She passes to Yavislov who clears it... The Clans have it back. Playing forward again... Blakes has it… No, he hasn’t controlled it, loses it again. They’re going to shoo- Tackle by Skyle! And I don’t think that’s legit... The referee doesn’t think so either. That’ll be a penalty kick for the Clans.

All right, let’s see. Seung doesn’t seem too nervous. Maybe a bit tense, as though ready to leap... It’s kicked high and to the left... He saves it! Great plunge up, er, leap, by Seung! Well, this is a good start...

17th minute
Offshore has been able to keep the ball flowing this past minute, they’re structuring their game, bringing it forward edge by edge... Smith to Blakes… Blakes back to Ndoca… Ndoca to Wald… Wald over to Ramirez… He takes it in a run! Two defenders closing in! Tackle, misses, Ramirez jumps over him… He’s stumbled, lands on the defender! Ouch, that must have hurt! He wants to help him to his feet, but the guy can’t get up. The medics are coming in… The referee is telling him off. Ramirez is protesting, saying he didn’t do it on purpose; looks like things are heating up. Yup, Ramirez isn’t happy. He’s tossed down the ball and… and kicks it into the sea.

Red card. We’re down a player. This isn’t good…

41st minute
This is getting dangerous. Offshore can’t clear it, the Lowland Clans keep pressing in. Wait, no, it’s out. That’ll be a corner kick.
Played quickly. Two of the Clans players jump higher, headbutt it… it’s in. The first goal of the game is for the Lowland Clans…

72nd minute
And that’ll be the first corner kick of the match for Offshore, just as it starts to rain here. Fujiyoshi to play it. He kicks it, it’s deflected by the head of a defender, straight to Blakes’ feet… He shoots, and scores! Offshore equalise! There are only about forty-five chairs or so in the, ah, stadium, but the public are cheering now.

77th minute
Well, it’s tipping it down now. A long shot across the field by Lake… There’s only the Clans’ defenders out there. They start to bring it back in… Skyle takes it off them, passes to Smith. Smith passes forward to Wald… No, don’t try it from here! He doesn’t, he passes over to Fujiyoshi. No real opening here either… Back to Smith. Smith to Wald. Wald to Smith… Smith to Fujiyoshi. It’s enough to make those defenders feel giddy! He shoots… and scores! Offshore have scored TWO GOALS! [. . .]

Well, that’s the end of the match, and Offshore have won! I don’t think they can quite believe it yet. They never expected to win a game in this competition. They’re swapping shirts with the LC team, and this’ll be a game for the history books…
29-10-2003, 07:25
Kravoli vs. Ariddia

Isidore Snow (presentator): "Good evening, welcome, this is day two of the football World Cup, and we bring you Kravoli versus Ariddia! Let’s go live to the Dyentor Municipal Stadium, where the match is being held, and about to begin." * A map appears on screen: the world, Uhuhland, Ariddia, and the location flashes. * "Dyentor isn’t a big town, it has only ninety-three thousand inhabitants, but the stadium is absolutely packed. Terry, Kim, can you hear me?"

Terry Singh (commentator, former player): "We hear you, Isidore. We’re in Dyentor, the teams are on the field, and the anthems will be played any minute. My, all those new faces. Makes me feel old. . ."

Kim Kim (commentator, former player): "That’s because you are." * grins * "Well, Ariddia has been in the Cup for a long time now. I wasn’t even born when it all started. . ."

Singh: "You ARE trying to make me feel old! All right, I think we have time to look at the team compositions."

* Kravoli’s roster appears on screen, then Ariddia’s. *

GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Samuel Wood (17), Wn Wahd (20), Jean-François Cocher (21), Julian Xi (16)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Mikael Nyevich (19), Victor Menuisier (14), Karim Li (18 )

ATT: Myn Terrell (3), Yte Nyussun (6)

Singh: "Fresh blood indeed. This is Xi’s first match with the team, and Menuisier and Li didn’t have much of an opportunity to play four years ago."

Kim: "Wait, here’s the anthem."

* anthems play *

Singh: "Aww, you were mouthing the words. . ."

Kim: * elbows him * "So? I like the tune. . . OK, kickoff."

Singh: "Kikov? Is he one of the Kravoli players?" * grins *

Kim: "Why don’t you sit back and watch and let me do the commenting?" * winks * "Kravoli are starting the match with some cautious playing, building their attack, passing around as they look for a way to break through."

Singh: "That’s not a bad idea. . . They want to see how our team reacts. Ah. Wahd reacts by nicking the ball from them. He passes it right over to Nyevich, who rushes it forward. . . Ariddia playing much more directly confrontational here. But then we always did just try to dash forward, push through and get in as many as we could. I’ll be interested to see how this unfolds. . ."

Kim: "Kravoli’s defence have put a stop to Nyevich’s push, but they’ve had to knock the ball outside to do it. Khan throws it back in, Menuisier moves it a bit further into the Kravoli side, drawing the defenders. . . Then he passes to Li. Li passes it on quickly. . . Well played, Nyussun should be able to slip in here. He shoots. . . Deflected by the goalkeeper, but right back at him. He shoots again. . . scores!"

8th minute:
Singh: "Kravoli slowly but surely closing round. They’re spreading themselves too wide, though; they won’t be able to keep the ball much longer."

Kim: "They must have heard you: shot on goal! Nicely aimed, but al-Jibai saves it. He plays it quickly to Menuisier. Kravoli have too few players up this end. . . He slips past one, two. . . He shoots. . ."

Singh: "And that’s two-nil!"

12th minute:
Singh: "Ariddia are trying Kravoli’s earlier tactic here, constructing their attack, closing it in like a net trying to get through the defence. . . uh. . ."

Kim: "Net? Nyussun slips it through to Khan. He shoots. . . Right between those two defenders! And it’s in!"

Singh: "Damn, he’s almost as old as I am, and that was one powerful shot!"

Kim: "What do you mean, old? You’re only fifty-four, aren’t you?"

Singh: "Hey!"

Kim: * laughs * "Anyway, that’s three-nil now. Kravoli can still save it, but it’s going to take some doing. Good luck to them. . . Though Ariddia needs this victory, too. We only have one point so far."

20th minute:
Kim: "al-Jibai took a risk by going out to stop that attack, but it worked. He kicks it far out to Nyussun. . . He gets there before Kravoli’s defence. Look at him run!"

Singh: "He knows he can’t outmaneouvre both defenders, though. Wait, he’s left one behind, slipped past the other. . . No, he’s stuck now. But if he can just get it over to Terrell. . ."

Kim: "He passes to Li, who gets it to Terrell. Terrell shoots. . . It’s from far but it’s in!"

Singh: "And I’d say Ariddia is in top shape tonight. . ."

92nd minute:
Singh: "Well, Kravoli pulled themselves together all right, didn’t they! That was some brilliant defending, especially around the end of the first half."

Kim: "Yes, they played well. It’s just a shame for them it took them twenty minutes to get coordinated. . . This is a well-needed victory for Ariddia, though, and hopefully they’re back in the race!"

Singh: "We’ll be with you again for the next match. Until then, goodnight!"

Final score: Kravoli – Ariddia: 0-4
Ariddia: Nyussun (3rd), Menuisier (9th), Khan (12th), Terrell (20th)
29-10-2003, 08:56
Friends, Morawns, countrymen, second cousins once removed, manufacturers of many fine products, nine out of ten dentists, and various and sundry:

I say unto you, rejoice! Rejoice, and praise god! For truly our national football team is making a name for themselves in the international arena.

No, that's "in-ter-na-tion-al." It means in other countries. Yes, I'm sure. Of course I'm right! Which one of us is Archpope, eh?

Damn right, not you.

As I was saying... rejoice! For our national side has already scored THREE goals, in only two matches! Praise god, for this is the best performance Morawny has had in a World Cup.

Yes, this is the first one. The next one of you who interrupts me gets executed. Killed. Dead. Kaput. Taken into the Lord's eternal embrace, with extreme prejudice. Clear? Right, then.

Our national side has already scored THREE goals!

Yes, that's more than two. Guards? Show that man to the afterlife. Thanks.

THREE goals, oh faithful and devoted followers! And ONE of those goals upon the opponents, rather than themselves! With further behavioral modification, we expect even greater successes in the future. Who knows? We may even win a match. But let us not be hasty. All is in the hands of the Lord.

Not literally. Stop looking, you won't see them. And if you do, please report yourself for psychological adjustment immediately. Thanks.

Rejoice! And get back to work. Lunch break is over in five seconds.

~Archpope Bob, Chief Morawn
29-10-2003, 09:18
from the Desnike City News

Hexen in great form*
(Despite of this, we lost)

Hexen made in this match against Squornshelous some great saves and prevented the game of being a two-digit loss. The team which no normal Rejistanian can even pronounce (it would be pronounced somehow like Sik-ve-vor-ne-xe-lus) kept on attacking, but the Orange-Blues also had a few chances. The best one was, when in the 46th minute, Syku Lyku and Xeseja Su somehow outsmarted the S.ian-defense and scored. The fans were screaming, they thought that was at leat one goal for he Rejistanha'ny, but the referee declared it invalid due to an offside position of Su. Iles, who waited to be sended on the field shouted some rude words and got the red card, before he could even play. This was perhaps the reason, why the defense has not as effective, as we all wished it to be and by this prepared the last two S.ian goals.

After the match Ila Iles said, he was very sorry for his loss of control and swore, that he would do better in the next matches, if he would get the chance.

*OOC: This newspaper is from exactly the place, where Hexen is the local hero, so it is extremly biased *g*
Kaze Progressa
29-10-2003, 09:48
From the Daily Kangaroo:

HEROS; 2-0 Belmorian Bashing Sends Home Fans Wild

Kaze Progressa's footballers sent hope into the whole of the nation last night with a stunning 2-0 defeat of Belmore Family.

The Belmorians were blamed by Progressan nationalists for being a bad influence on their co-hosting bid for this Cup with Liverpool England (with whom the Progressans brilliantly drew 2-2 away), and the police presence at this match was the greatest ever for an international match here, though no match for the massive presence required in the Kaza derby and the notorious Lakeside-XTeem match. Seventeen men were arrested before the match and little crowd trouble was reported; however there were intimidating chants from some sections of the crowd.

It seemed to be these chants which got to the Belmorian players when on seven minutes, Faiwe Irafma was able to run through a gaping hole in the defence. Alan Belmore saved the day, but the resulting corner was nodded home by May Capon with help from the inside of the far post. A deafening roar filled the Progressair Stadium, filled to its newly increased 60,000 capacity.

The Belmorians were stunned throughout and nearly conceded another goal on thirteen minutes, Irafma denied by a brilliant fingertip save from Alan. Numerous chances were created throughout the first half, but it was not until three minutes before half-time that Irafma doubled the lead from a spectacular curling 35-yard free kick that clipped the post on the way in.

The second half was as one-sided as the first, with Failez and Irafma both slamming the ball against the post, but there were no more goals, an Irafma effort denied for offside ten minutes from time. The final whistle was marked by a mini pitch invasion rapidly quelled by the police, who arrested three more fans, amidst a massive wall of noise around the ground.

The Progressans are now ahead of both the Belmorians and Liverpool England and in a qualifying spot in third place, with five easier matches to come. Progressan bookmakers GetLucky already offer 7-4 against Progressan qualification and 6-1 against them topping the group.

(OOC: neat RP from Moranwy, especially for a first time. You sure deserve your RP bonus that's coming. :))
Liverpool England
29-10-2003, 10:30
(ooc: how in the fucking hell did Moranwy get into the Cup? I dont see him on the sign up thread, and he only has 1 post...)
29-10-2003, 10:37
Shock waves run throughout sport loving Dennisov.

With the new manager Brian Leetch in charge, results have been very disappointing. With just 1 point from 2 games which should have been won. Two unseeded nations were not so long ago, no problem for the Dennisov team. A 1-1 draw against Belmorian Scandinavia could have been seen as an incident, but yesterday's performance against Freedom Country was an outright disgrace.

The Dennisov defense, once one of the better ones amongst the Nationstates let the attackers from Freedom Country do whatever they pleased.

The selection of established players who failed in the previous Worldcup is the failure of Leetch to see what is needed in modern day football. Even though he will always be one of the greatest players in Dennisov football history, his coaching remains questionable. The team atmosphere may be great, the results are not. In the end that is all that counts.

With only 1 point from 2 games, qualification for the Worldcup seems very distant. The once holder of the Worldcup keeps sliding further and further down the ladder of nations.

The rise of popularity of baseball might be attributed to the poor quality of players as more and more youngsters turn towards this game in summer instead of football. Other causes may be the lack of interest in sports nowadays as modern technology keeps the kids glued to the tv-set.

A good performance would have brought these youngsters in contact with sports but as it is now, whenever Dennisov plays the hands of these kids will reach for the controller in order to change to a better show.
Dark Outcasts
29-10-2003, 12:22
(ooc: been on holiday, not technically back till to moz)

The roster for the Outcasts and also for Demonic Beings are up on the roster tread thing. I'll do an RP once i get back
29-10-2003, 13:42
New Spaam Times

Spaam Draw But Come Out On Top

In a time of upsets, this was perhaps the least upsetting. Last
night, the Spaam national team came up against the newcomers
Sensual Products in Alatári, to a crowd of 52000. Coach Hoopai
expected her team to easily overcome these opponents but the
team was overall strangely sluggish and distracted. It was a game
of the midfield, with few great chances made. The closest was in
the 40th minute, when Sëhelin kicked to Meneldur who was in front
of the goal with on the keeper between him and the net. But the
number 13 was too slow to the shot and the ball was taken down.

Not long after, Sëhelin was given a yellow card for a hard tackle on
one of the Sensual defenders, and she did not return for the
second half, being replaced by Beren Súrion. This is only the
second time ever Sëhelin has failed to score a goal in an
international match. The game ended scoreless, to a very
disappointed crowd, both for the result, and the poor quality of
play. Sëhelin did not comment on the match, and Hoopai merely
claimed that she needed to have a long talk with the team.

In a twist of events though, this was the smallest upset for this
round of qualifying. Timway, ranked 5th in the world, had an upset
loss to Clearwater, and Audioslavia, ranked 18th, had a major 2 nil
loss to newcomers Lanky Dudes, whom Spaam beat in the last
round. Aquilla, ranked 36th, lost at home 1 nil to East Spaam, who
recorded only their second ever win. These results mean that
Spaam is now outright leader on the table, one point clear of the
next 6 teams, including East Spaam, who are equal 4th.

East Spaam's win is encouraging as they meet Spaam at home in
the newly built Guroch Stadium next round. The tickets are almost
sold out for this match, and organisers are expecting a full capacity
crowd of 150000 spectators, the biggest sporting event to be held
in United Spaam ever. This will provide great benefits for the East
Spaam Football League, which broke away from the Spaam National
Football League only a decade ago.

Donni Darco
East Spaam
29-10-2003, 13:51
Nates Meos Mordi

East Spaam haz rekorded its sekend win eva wif a 1 nil win
ova Akwilla. Koach Menny sed he iz veri prowd ov hiz teem. Elmo
skord thee onli gol in da 54th minet from a korna shot. Da teem iz
looking forwed too playing Spaam nekst rownd heer in Guroch. Da

Snub Nose 38
29-10-2003, 15:07
Friends, Morawns, countrymen, second cousins once removed, manufacturers of many fine products, nine out of ten dentists, and various and sundry:

The populace of Snub Nose 38 is pleased to co-esist in a world with Morawns. We've thought it to be the case all along, and are happy to have it officially confirmed.
29-10-2003, 15:46
Association of Futebol Director George McDouglas set down the 'New Spaam Nyooz."

"These folk can't spell worth a damn, eh?" said the older gentlemen.
"Most definitely not," agreed Sporting Director Ben Wright.
29-10-2003, 15:47
Stupid forums and their missing pages.
Kaze Progressa
29-10-2003, 17:21
The bleeping forums... stupid.
And East Spaam could be a huge market for spellcheckers it seems.
29-10-2003, 17:48
Afternoon. A funeral service. Fortunately this, like everything else in the Free Land of Evisceratomatoes, is recorded by security camera. Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes, is delivering a eulogy.

"Oh, my little gherkins, the day is both tangy and rotten. Into the soil from which they came we lay the bodies ... the watery remains, rather ... of three fine Evisceratomatoes. They gave their lives that the nation might have football glory. And they won the day against the country that cannot be named.

"Yes, 2-0. A great day, as the team that cannot be named ran away. They scattered in fear of our splatters. They shattered in fear of Sepp Blatter. And each time they touched us, they were red-carded. Yes, my little pumpkins, we won! So tangy day, my little aubergines.

"But rotten day too, for three of our finest self-eviscerated. The touch of the enemy, so gooey and offensive in our sight! Our goal keeper, my own beloved Elvis Irate, among the dead. Is it any wonder we never posted a team roster?

"Oh, my little corgettes, my wee baby corns, the curse of our race has been cruel to you. Let me say now: today's game is safe. We do not go rotten in the presence of Oglethorpians. True, we still splatter on impact, but I have ordered special industrial-strength trusses for the match. Win one for poor dead Elvis, my lovely little cherries!"
Snub Nose 38
29-10-2003, 18:00
Beautiful, TB! (E?) Right about here fear of our splatters. They shattered in fear of Sepp Blatter. And each... I was laughing so hard I literally choked on my coffee. 8)

Raven/EB: The official protest filed by Sal Manela after the Evisceratomatoe - Snub Nose 38 match is RP only. In RL we are NOT contesting the match results.
29-10-2003, 22:11
Nastic Sports Review

The day started good and ended good for the Nastic national team in their second qualifing group game with Errinundera,After many newspapers had reported some injuries within the Nastic team that were proved to be unfounded the Nastic team arrived for their first ever home game in the world cup.

Expectation had been building for this game for a long time and when the game arrived it didnt dissapoint the 110,000 capacity crowd and the many millions watching at home and in the city centres on jumbotron screens.

The game its self was a tense affair with both teams being cautious in the first half but as the game wore on both teams went for victory,Nastic looked to be losing their first game on home soil until the 2nd minute from time when the equaliser was slotted home to give Nastic their second draw of the group.

Tables Matchday 2

Day 1
Commerce Heights 2-2 NASTIC 2

Day 2
NASTIC 2 2-2 Errinundera


Eauz (52) 2 2 0 0 4 1 6
Errinundera (15) 2 1 1 0 5 2 4
Commerce Heights (23) 2 1 1 0 3 2 4
Akbarland (37) 2 1 0 1 2 2 3
NASTIC 2 2 0 2 0 4 4 2
Haraki (2) 2 0 1 1 1 3 1
CallMeBernard 2 0 1 1 1 4 1
SterlingIce 2 0 0 2 0 2 0
29-10-2003, 23:17
Matchday 3 results ([/url) and table are now posted.
Commerce Heights
29-10-2003, 23:35
Commerce Heights Jumps Over First Road Hurdle Of WC9 With Ease
EAUZ - The Bulldogs couldn't have asked for a better way to play their first road game of the Cup. The stadium in Eauz seemed to be packed with Manhattanites. Farhan Wallace picked up the first goal in the first few minutes of the game, followed by Kevin Decker later in the half. The team went into the second half in a defensive posture, and only one goal got past Dirk Vojtilo.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Wallace 4, Decker 27)
(52) Eauz 1 - FT

[code:1:6a2d708655]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 3 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
Eauz (52) 3 2 0 1 4 2 +2 6
Akbarland (37) 3 2 0 1 3 2 +1 6
Errinundera (15) 3 1 2 0 6 3 +3 5
NASTIC 2 3 0 3 0 5 5 0 3
Haraki (2) 3 0 2 1 2 4 -2 2
SterlingIce 3 0 1 2 1 3 -2 1
CallMeBernard 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 1[/code:1:6a2d708655]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs NASTIC 2 – T 2-2
Day 2: vs SterlingIce – W 1-0
Day 3: at #52 Eauz – W 2-1
Day 4: vs CallMeBernard
Day 5: vs #37 Akbarland
Day 6: at #2 Haraki
Day 7: at #15 Errinundera
Day 8: at NASTIC 2
Day 9: at SterlingIce
Day 10: vs #52 Eauz
Day 11: at CallMeBernard
Day 12: at #37 Akbarland
Day 13: vs #2 Haraki
Day 14: vs #15 Errinundera
[code:1:6a2d708655] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9
Games Played 26 10 13 3
Wins 11 3 6 2
Draws 8 3 4 1
Losses 7 4 3 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 78.5 62.6 81.7 117.3
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16 52
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16 52
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.2 1.0 gpg
Goal Differential +4 -3 +5 +2
Rank 100 54 23[/code:1:6a2d708655]
(OOC: Hopefully I'll have individual statistics done soon. ;) )
Preview: CallMeBernard @ (23) Commerce Heights
Commerce Heights is 7-4-1 against unranked teams, with the only loss being against Praetorian Rome in WC7, when CH was also unranked.
CMB is 0-1-2 against ranked teams, with the only tie being against #2 Haraki.

Commerce Heights is 6-3-3 at home (7-3-5 if Unity Stadium games are counted as home games). The Bulldogs have not lost in Maxisoft Stadium since their 1-2 loss to #41 Liverpool England in WC7.
CMB is 0-0-1 on the road, losing 3-0 to #15 Errinundera in their first match.

Commerce Heights' offense has scored 1.7 goals per game in WC9. CMB's defense has allowed 2.0 goals per game.

CMB's offense has scored 0.7 goals per game. CH's offense has allowed 1.0 goals per game in WC9.

Commerce Heights is currently at the top of the Group 2 qualifying table. CMB is currently at the bottom.
30-10-2003, 00:22
The Columbia Times

Kramerica Falls at Holmes Stadium
by Henry Patrick

COLUMBIA, FD (01/18/16 BTS) -- Once again, the Bedistan Lions national football club has proven why they are ranked as the third best team in the world.

Unranked Kramerica came to Holmes Stadium this morning to face the Lions in their third international match. The home team, of course, showed little mercy.

The first half was fast and furious, with numerous attacks launched by both sides. With each match, though, goalkeeper Chuck Mitchell is proving that he can fill the vacated shoes of Olivia Bream quite adequately. He stopped no fewer than nine shots on goal in the first half, and the Kramerican keeper also did well, stopping all of the seven shots that reached him. The match remained scoreless at halftime.

It would be Darren Morlock who would finally break the silence at the sixty-first minute, with a towering kick from the box that just barely arched downward enough to float into the goal.

Afterward, the only significant event was an attempt at a second goal by Javier Lewey; unfortunately, he was offside. The Lions would win their third straight match, again allowing no opposing goals. Bedistan is one of only about a half dozen teams, and the only team in Group 3, to have not allowed a goal so far in qualifying.

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 61)
Kramerica 0

[code:1:8dbb596fb0]Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Nikea (44) 3 3 0 0 6 2 4 9
Bedistan (3) 3 3 0 0 4 0 4 9
Halfassedstates (13) 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
Antaeus Rising (26) 3 1 0 2 6 4 2 3
Endray-Island (54) 3 1 0 2 3 4 -1 3
Tranquillitus 3 1 0 2 2 4 -2 3
Kramerica 3 1 0 2 3 7 -4 3
Zinkoland (87) 3 0 1 2 1 4 -3 1[/code:1:8dbb596fb0]
30-10-2003, 00:22
The Maracaibo Post

Yamamoto-san completes clean game -- Oglethorpia beats the Eviceratomatoes
Ken'Ichi Yamamoto keeps Eviceratomatoes to nil, Oglethorpia three up at the end of full-time

Yamamoto-san seemed to be in his groove; as his critics said he needed to be in if he were to be of any use to the World Cup-squad. Yamamoto-san played a clean game, giving up no goals to the newcomer Eviceratomatoes. Of course, that's exactly what they were; newcomers.

"Newcomers, eviceratomatoes or not -- it was still a clean game for Ken'Ichi," said coach Guy Picciotto.

In the 38th Jorge White would set up Torrence Black for a goal -- Black would return the favor, White heading the ball in past the Evisceratomato in the box to put Oglethorpia up 2-nil right before the half.

All was well for the Oglethorpian side -- no red cards or injuries, but more importantly, the Eviceratomato still at their full 11, none of the sentient fruits having bursted.

It was only 59 minutes into the match when Kirk Calhoun would draw a foul in the goalie's box, setting up a penalty kick opportunity. This, of course already stressed the goalie Evisceratomato in question; Calhoun would completely foul up the opportunity.

Jorge White rushed in to try and provide a second chance with the ball so close to the goal -- only he slide tackled the goalkeeper, subsequently covering his Oglethorpian uniform in Evisceratomato juice.

"It was strange," White commented on the ordeal after the match. "Like, at first I was like, 'whoa, i'm covered in tomato juice.' Then I realized it was the remnants of a sentient fruit playing footballer."

White was reminded of the fact that Evisceratomatoes are widely considered by Oglethorpians to be vegatables.

Despite the White-Evisceratomato incident, the match would proceed to go on -- Kirk Calhoun would "redeem" himself, scoring the third goal for Oglethorpia's World Cup side in the 80th minute, the match ending with Oglethorpia up 3 to the Evisceratomatoes with nil.

"It was a good victory, especially for Yamamoto-san," said team captain Fernando Green. "It's too bad about that Evisceratomato, though. Other than that, this is a big moral victory for the squad. We're just going to try and keep the streak going -- and keep that dead fruit footballer out of our heads."

Team captain Fernando Green was also reminded of the fact that most Oglethorpians consider the Evisceratomato to be a vegatable.

More on the Oglethorpian World Cup qualifying bid as it comes.


OOC: This was a home match -- I would've edited that fact in, except it won't really fit in now and i'm too lazy to try and work it in.

So too bad. The venue was Kuruma Stadium, recently upgraded to seat 108,000 folks.
30-10-2003, 01:26
Nates Meos Mordi

Spaam playd East Spaam last nit in frunt ov orlmost 150000
spektatorz in da noo Guroch Stadium. It woz a veri eksiting gaym wif
lots ov chansiz. Aran an Elmo both orlmost skord golz but da Spaam
keeper stopt dem. Da grayt Mèla Sëhelin skord da onli gol ov da mach
in da 38th minit, geting it past Celo eezilee. Koch Menny sed hee
woz hapi wif hiz teem eeven tho wee lost. Wee ar looking 4wed too
playing Ordeeo^H^H^H^H^H^HOrdeeosla^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Har
nekst gaym koz wee mit win. Da End.

Commerce Heights
30-10-2003, 02:07
Commerce Heights Bulldogs Individiual Statistics - After WC9 Day 3
[code:1:f5b98f1b17]Team Scoring Leaders – WC9
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 3 1 0.33
C. Deppiesse 3 1 0.33
B. Quigley 3 1 0.33
F. Wallace 3 1 0.33
K. Decker 3 1 0.33

Goaltending Leaders – WC9
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 3 3 1.00

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley*** 26 13† 0.50
C. Deppiesse..* 3 1 0.33
K. Decker*** 26 8 0.31
F. Wallace^^* 7 2 0.29
M. McCormick.^^ 4 1 0.25
J. Cahalane*** 26 6 0.23
C. Romanowski**. 26 5 0.19
D. Kakuta**. 23 2 0.09
M. Paritmongkol*** 26 1 0.04
†Quigley is the only Bulldog ever to score 2 goals in the same match (in the WC8 opener vs Warnocks Wizards).

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
A. Yago.^^ 5 5 1.25
D. Vojtilo*** 22 31 1.41

..*/..^ starter/backup in WC9
.*./.^. starter/backup in WC8
*../^.. starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:f5b98f1b17]
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 02:22
I think I like Sam.
*interior of a large, dilapidated tent. a cot, a kerosene lantern, an old army field desk, and two overturned buckets serving as chairs constitute the decor. the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is seated on one bucket. he's holding a half empty can of "38 special". on the ground around him are about half a dozen empty cans with the same label. after a moment, the tent flap opens and in steps margaret, wearing a tattered burgundy robe and a midnight blue hooded burlap cape. she is, of course, carrying her rubber chicken.*

- Oh, great! Just when I need your help, you're...
- I'm what? - What am I? - Am I what? - I what...
- Shut up.
- I've tol' you before, an' I tell you are very - hic - rude, Margaret.
- You're drunk.
- Well, thish may be twue. Howslumm...Howshumev...Houseum...But, I will be sober in the morning - while you will still be inordinately rude.
- We're going down fast, bud, and you're not being any help.
- We're going what?
- The Hooligans match today was a draw. Against an unranked rank newcomer, Wildthings Realm.
- Draw...drew...drow...drum...strum...stram...spaam...
- Is this going anywhere?
- Is what?
- It seems I may have to hurt you again.
- urk...Margaret, you were saying something about todays match between the Hooligans and Wildthings Realm resulted in a draw...hic...
- Three matches...a win, a loss against a bunch of vegetables, and a draw with an unranked newcomer. We're on the edge here, bub.
- The edge of what? The edge of night?
- Was that supposed to be funny? Didn't you notice that we are not only NOT in the offices in the mansion on our estate, or in the penthouse offices in the ministry building, we're not even in the basement offices? We're in a broken down tent, for Pete's sake!
- I like the lantern. It makes pretty shadows on the wall.
- Gack!! Don't you understand!? What do you think the next step after a dilapidated tent is?
- Back to the hobo camp? Back to the camp in the desert?
- If we're lucky. Ever hear of Elba?
- Elba ag-g-gain!
- Go out and get me at least one real chicken.
- I don't have any money.
- I didn't say buy me a chicken. Just get one. We need a real chicken, and we need it fast.
- did those stupid Hooligans lose today?
- For starters, three of their best were red-carded in the last match, and couldn't play today. Then, of course, that complete idiot Sal Manela kept the rest of the starting 11 out, and played the substitutes.
- Why don't you hurt him?
- If he was here...look, chum, just run off and get the chicken, hmmm?

*the minister shambles over to the tent flap, and after a few aborted attempts, manages to open the flap and slip outside*

- Why on earth do I keep him around?
30-10-2003, 02:28
Because in one way, we look down on hobos for not trying to make things better -- but in another way, we secretly love them and acknowledge that they are a lovable and vital part of society.
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 02:38
Because in one way, we look down on hobos for not trying to make things better -- but in another way, we secretly love them and acknowledge that they are a lovable and vital part of society.
:shock: Gack!!

*margaret steps into the room. she glances about, and then walks up the steps onto the stage, and goes around behind the podium. she harumphs. she taps the microphone. she takes several note cards out of her pocket, checks to make sure they are still in order, and puts them on the podium. she takes the pitcher in her right hand, the glass in her left hand, and pours a little water into the glass. putting the pitcher down, she takes a sip of water, and puts the glass on the podium next to her note cards*

- Is this thing on?

*from backstage, a very loud whisper says "yes". margaret glances at her notecards. then*

- Um...I just wanted to say, for the record, that that was a rhetorical question. I - that is, we - do appreciate the kind response. However, since we did not expect one, we are kind of at a lose regarding exactly what to do with it.

*margaret picks up the glass and takes another sip of water. she glances at her note cards again. then, she picks them up, puts them back in her pocket, and exits, stage left.*

30-10-2003, 02:40
All Square at Mount Doom

Warnocks Wizards Draw 1-1 with Tanah Burung at Fortress Warnock

From our news services...

Matchday 3, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–The National Team drew 1-1 in a game of two halves with Tanah Burung Crocodiles at the new Fortress Warnock last evening. The Wizards lined up in the same 4-4-1-1 formation that led to much success against Oglethorpia on Matchday 2. The starting lineup remained the same, although there was a major surprise with the substitutes bench. Fit again midfielder Ghazgash the Sleazy could only be content with a substitutes spot, and curiously replaced second string goalkeeper Globtakh the Timid on the pine. As a result, Manager Ufwurz gambled by not having a proper reserve keeper should anything happen to starting keeper Ishhak the Smasher. The strategy would backfire on the Wizards in this match.

Kick-off was delayed briefly to allow newly created national mascot Arch-mage Rahzlok the Alligator to fly into Fortress Warnock on the back of a Gwaihiri [Giant Eagle]. The Red and White Wizards then kicked off the match and began the game in control. Still flying high from last week, the home side confidently passed the ball around the park. Young midfielder Bagdreg the Mauler continues to impress and is slowly gaining a reputation in the world’s game. The Wizards had two good chances in the first ten minutes, with Ishklash the Snooty and Akhklash the Emaciated’s efforts well saved by Tanah Burung keeper Nino Konis. Konis, however, could not prevent in-form target man Ashmazh the Tough from opening the scoring in the 16th minute. Durbret the Choker sent a laser of a corner into the box which Ashmazh buried with an assertive header at the near post. Warnocks Wizards 1, Tanah Burung 0. The home crowd, including newly created national mascot Arch-mage Rahzlok the Alligator, went ballistic. The Wizards continued to control the half and were unlucky not to score a second when Bagdreg’s free kick had the opposing keeper beaten, but just grazed the cross bar. The half ended at 1-0 and with the lads exiting the pitch to a standing ovation.

Following a bizarre half time performance by Arch-mage Rahzlok and The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe, the players returned to the pitch. With a little too much exuberance, Arch-mage Rahzlok clattered in to Wizards goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher on his way out to his goal. Ishhak waved off the training staff, believing himself to be able to continue. The visiting Crocodiles duly kicked off the second half. The Red and White Wizards must have had too many frosty beverages at half time, as they looked at completely different team. Tanah Burung immediately put pressure on the home side, forcing Ishhak to make a diving save on a Taur Matan Ruak blast. Ishhak was clearly hurt this time, and had to be stretchered off. With no backup keeper on the bench, Manager Ufwurz, amidst many curses, grudgingly sent defender Akhburz the Straggler on as a substitute. The Straggler went to right back and versatile defender Ghazukh the Burner had the unenvious task of going in goal. The Crocs then began to bombard the goal, in an attempt to test the unaccustomed keeper. Tanah Burung leveled the score on 54 minutes when midfielder Canabe Livit’s excellent free kick burned the hapless Ghazukh. The visitors continued to press, but they couldn’t quite find the killer ball to put the Wizards away. The match ended Warnocks Wizards 1, Tanah Burung 1.

The result left Manager Ufwurz the Furious with mixed feelings. On the whole, he must be pleased with his players’ performances, but surely must be questioning the wisdom of Arch-mage Rahzlok and his own strategy of not having a reserve keeper on the bench.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher (Akhburz the Straggler 49), Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher (Ghazgash the Sleazy 71), Durbret the Choker (Gabdul the Looter 80), Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Ishklash the Snooty, Ashmazh the Tough.

Unused substitutes: Bublok the Destroyer, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 8, Warnocks Wizards travel to 31st-ranked Demonic Beings, located in the Spectre region.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1
30-10-2003, 04:00
A Feast of Ass-kicking

Gillian Gilquest, for the Gilmeecian Sporting and Undead News

In an orgy of foot-ass connection, the national footballing squad secured their third victory of World Cup 9 qualifying with a 2-0 victory over One Blue Dot today at the National Stadium. The Kickassers again lived up to their name as they made mincedot of their single blue opponent. Goals were scored at twenty and thirty minutes by strikers Gobbins and Gilderbecke, respectively, and keeper Gilgabody Gilmooster turned away ten shots en route to the shut out. Their blue hindquarters smoking, the opposition left the pitch a team in ass-kicked tatters. The victory put the Kickassers into second place in group nine, trailing only the group leaders.


In injury news, the condition of midfielder Gilgamesh McPhee continues to worsen. Bitten by an unidentified Auir II player during the opening match of World Cup qualifying, McPhee has been confined to a bed, which has now been moved to a darkened room. Though team doctors refuse to comment on the reason for McPhee's seclusion, rumors run rampant that sunlight causes his skin to burst into flame. Why this would be is anybody's guess. The team seems to be doing fine without him, though, so it's okay.
30-10-2003, 04:44
rumors run rampant that sunlight causes his skin to burst into flame. Why this would be is anybody's guess. The team seems to be doing fine without him, though, so it's okay.

I hear that Giant Spider guano sprinkled with chive clears that right up...uh, gotta go, the Elven brotherhood with the white coats are coming for me...

Skaialuk the Insane
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 05:10
Post updated and moved to page 8
30-10-2003, 05:14
Live from Lemco City, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, matchday three action in World Cup Nine qualifying: the Lemmings host those freedom-loving footballers from Freedom Country. We're coming up on the kickoff, and joining me in the booth are Grant Rockson; special color commentator Lana Maelstrom; and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Clem Gilson! Grant, Lana, Clem, welcome to the broadcast.

Grant: 'owdy there, Glick.

Lana: Pleased to be 'ere, Glick.

Clem: Has anybody else noticed that there seems to be a small monster running loose in the booth?

Grant: That’s Opie. Opie! Don’t press those buttons!

Clem: So you’re responsible for him?

Grant: Responsible? That’s a big word.

Lana: ‘e’s a roight cute li’le bugger, Grant.

Grant: Thanks, Lana. Opie! I told you, don’t press those--

Glick: EGAD!

Cl em: AARGH!



Clem: JUNE! HELP! Oh, much better.

Glick: Our director June Jamelem, ladies and gentlemen.

Grant: Savin’ the day as always. Now Opie, when I tell you not to press those buttons, I mean don’t press those buttons! You understand?

Clem: How nice.

Lana: Wot a li’le imp ‘e is, ain’t ‘e?

Grant: Yeh, ‘e’s a little scamp.

Clem: So this is your kid? You have a kid?

Grant: Um-- so it would seem.

Clem: Since when do you have a kid?

Grant: Lessee-- Opie, ‘ow old are you?

Glick: June, can you put a headset on the young man so we can all hear him?... Thanks, June.

Opie: Look, Daddy, what’s this thing? Daddy, what’s this thing on my head? Daddy?

Grant: That’s a ‘eadset, so you can ‘ear us an’ we can ‘ear you.

Opie: I have a headset on, Daddy.

Grant: That’s right. Now, so all our listeners an’ also Clem can ‘ear you, ‘ow old are you?

Opie: I’m this many.

Clem: Six! You’re six?

Opie: I’m six!

Clem : You’ve had a kid for six years, and you’ve never mentioned him? What the hell? Oops, sorry, kid. I mean, what the heck?

Opie: That man said ‘hell,’ Daddy.

Grant: So wot? I say it all the time.

Opie: Mommy says not to use words like that.

Clem: So you’ve been holding out on us for six years? I can’t believe it. How come you never told us you have a kid, Grant?

Grant: It’s classified information.

Clem: So you’re married?

Grant: I can’t divulge that.

Clem: Who’s the lucky lady? And where’ve you got her squirrelled away?

Grant: That information is distributed on a need-to-know basis.

Lana: I for one wish to congratulate you on the blessed event, Grant. Imagine our own Grant Rockson, father to a deloightful li’le rugrat!

Grant: Thanks, Lana.

Clem: I have to say, you’re certainly full of surprises. This is one I didn’t see coming.

Grant: When ‘ave I ever surprised you before, Clem?

Clem: We won’t go into it. And why is it we’re graced with little Opie’s presence today?

Grant: Wull, usually ‘e’d be with ‘is mother, but she’s busy today.

Clem: Doing...?

Grant: Classified activities.

Clem: What’s she, a spy or something?

Grant: Close enough.

Glick: Here comes the referee, bringing the captains to midfield.

Clem: That's Helen Mellon for the Lemmings, and, um, do we have a roster for Freedom Country?

Grant: They don't believe in names there.

Clem: What? Of course they do.

Grant: No they don't. Names restrict your freedom.

Clem: Now that, coming from you, has got to be the statement of the year. So Mellon's won the flip, and Lemmitania will begin with possession.

Glick: We'll return after these important messages.


Glick: Welcome back to Lemco City, where the Lemmings are about to kick off against Freedom Country in the third match of World Cup Nine qualifying.

Clem: Mellon takes the ball, passes to Meisterbrau, and we're under way. Now, Freedom Country's employing a somehwat unusual formation down there.

Grant: They don't believe in pigeon-'oling their players into predefined roles or "positions," Clem. They jus' play weherever they feel like it.

Clem: What makes you such an expert on Freedom Country?

Grant: Everybody knows that stuff.

Clem: Bull. You're just making it up.

Grant: Prove it.

Glick: Not to impinge upon your fathering prerogatives, Grant, but should little Opie be sticking his finger in that socket?

Grant: Opie! Wot ‘ave I told you about puttin’ your finger where it ain’t wanted?

Opie: You said an alligator ‘s’gonna bite it.

Grant: That’s right! And do you want your finger bitten off by an alligator?

Opie: No, Daddy.

Grant: So stop that right this instant.

Clem: So you named your son Opie, did you?

Grant: No, not exactly.

Clem: What’s that, a nickname? Short for something?

Grant: You could say that.

Clem: So what’s it short for?

Grant: Something classified.

Lana: Opie, don’t put that in yer mouth. It ain’t sanitary.

Glick: Plus it’s electrified.

Grant: June, wot kind of booth are you runnin’ around ‘ere? This ain’t wot I’d call child-safe.

Clem: Yeah, because there aren’t supposed to be children[ /i] in here.

Grant: Wull, ‘e wouldn’t [i]be ‘ere if LRN provided child care!

Clem: Oh, like you can’t afford to pay for it?

Grant: On wot they pay me?

Clem: On what you inherited from Gil?

Grant: Wot’s that supposed to mean?

Clem: What do you mean, ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’ You inherited a fortune from Gil--

Lana: Actually, LRN does provide kindercare, Grant.

Grant: They do?

Glick: Of course they do. Where do you think my son is?

Grant: I thot ‘e was with your ‘ubby.

Glick: My husband’s working.

Grant: Wot ever ‘appened to the stay-at-’ome spouse? That’s wot I want to know.

Lana: Gone the way of the dinosaur.

Glick: If you want to, Grant, you could take Opie down to room 111, where they’re got the Day Care set up.

Grant: I dunno. I don’t want ‘im associating with riff-raff. Opie! Would you stop puttin’ things in your mouth?

Clem: He won’t be associating with riff-raff. Glick’s kid is down there.

Lana: All the kiddies belong to LRN broadcast staff and crew.

Grant: I dunno. Sounds like a motley lot to me. Opie! Don’t press that--


Glick: Testing, two, three, four. Okay, folks, we’re back on the air after a short delay.

Clem: And as always, something important happened while we were away. At the twenty-two minute mark, Luke Lemwalker scored his second goal of qualifying, putting the Lemmings ahead one-nothing.

Lana: A roight shame it was for our listeners to miss that one, Clem. It was truly an astonishing goal. 'E 'eaded it roight past no fewer than three Freedom Country defenders, off the cross-beam, into the net.

Clem: Leave it to Grant’s kid to find the network kill-switch.

Grant: A switch that’s saved us many times in the past.

Glick: No it hasn’t.

Grant: Sure it ‘as.

Glick: No, it hasn’t.

Grant: Sure, don’t you remember that time in Tanah Burung--

Glick: You’ve never been to Tanah Burung, remember?

Grant: Ohhh, yeh. Yeh, now I do recall that li’le fact.

Clem: Heh, heh. One of these days, Grant...
30-10-2003, 05:16
Glick: And so we begin the second half with the Lemmings sitting on a one-nil lead, on a goal by Lemwalker at twenty-two minutes. We've seen excellent ball control by the Lemmings again today.

Lana: Absolutely, Glick. I think 'elen Mellon's gone a long way toward silencin' 'er critics. Thus far, she's been one of the top players on the field.

Clem: Of course, it's worth noting that we've yet to meet a ranked opponent. Freedom Country kicks it off, and we're under way again.

Grant: Isn't Freedom Country ranked? I seem to remember them from last time.

Glick: They were in World Cup 6 or 7, I think. Skipped 8.

Grant: Oh, that mus' be wot I'm thinking of. The good old days.

Glick: Yeah, I seriously doubt that you remember them. I'm pretty sure they were before your time.

Grant: No, I'm pretty sure--

Glick: No.

Grant: I think--

Glick: Shut up, Grant.

Grant: Why're you touchin' the side of your nose like that, Glick?

Lana: 'e's tryin' to communicate wit' you usin' soign language, Grant, on account o' the fact that you ain't catchin' 'is meanin' so well.

Grant: wull, wot's 'e tryin' to tell me?

Lana: 'e's tryin' to tell you to shut up about wot you may or may not remember.

Grant: Oh.

Clem: Heh. So little Opie’s happily playing with Kirk in the daycare center?

Grant: ‘oo’s this ‘Kirk?’

Glick: My son.

Grant: Oh, yes, of course.

Clem: We’ve met Kirk many times, Grant.

Grant: Yes, yes, I know. I just di’n’t remember ‘is name.

Glick: I give you a lot of leeway, Grant, but how could you have forgotten my son’s name?

Grant: I thot ‘e was called Glick Junior! That’s wot I always call ‘im.

Clem: That’s true, actually. I don’t recall Grant ever having referred to him as anything but Glick Junior.

Glick: Okay, fair enough. But why would I have named him Glick Junior?

Grant: ‘Cause ‘e’s your son! You might want to ‘ave your name passed down to the generations.

Clem: So how come you didn’t name Opie ‘Grant Junior?’

Grant: Grant Junior? Why would I ‘ave named ‘im Grant Junior? Of all the stupid names.

Glick: Because your name is Grant.

Grant: Oh, yeh, yeh, yeh. I forgot.

Clem: A lot of pushing going on down there. The Freedom Country strikers are mixing it up with our defenders.

Lana: Mick Nichols an' Winston SaLem are looking pretty peeved about somethin'.

Clem: I think they're upset about the tackle on Brickberry.

Glick: That'd be the tackle that happened about five minutes ago, while we were discussing other matters, and didn't bother to describe the action for our listeners.

Clem: Right. That one. Brickberry was knocked to the pitch, but the officials looked the other way.

Lana: I think you're right, Clem. I b'lieve that Freedom Country striker they're 'arrassin' is the same one wot knocked poor Bing on 'is ass.

Clem: Uh, oh. Mick Nichols tackled him, and I think taht one was too rough. Yep, the yellow card comes out.

Lana: Mick ain't protestin'. 'E knows 'e was wrong, wotever that Freedom Country fellow may 'ave done.

Grant: It really ain't like Mick Chang to--

Clem: Mick Chang's retired!

Grant: But 'e just--

Clem: That's Mick Nichols! Will you shut up about Mick Chang? For the love of mike, Mick Chang hasn't played football for fifteen years!

Lana: The foul was outside the box, so 'ere's the indirect kick. Could be a good opportunity for Freedom Country; they've 'ad trouble penetratin' the lemming defense today, and this'll give 'em an opportunity to get their forwards where they can do the most good.

Clem: They've got three men on the left, one on the right, and our defenders and midfielders are ringing the box. Here's the kick: it's to the left side, a striker has it, Lembobba's there, a pass past him, and goal! A man got open behind Lembobba, and sends it just past Lally on the right side of the net. At fifty-five minutes, we're knotted at one-all.


Clem: Eighty-five minutes and we're still tied. Looks like the Lemmings are headed for their second draw of qualifying.

Grant: I still can't understand why Glick didn't name 'is sone Glick Junior.

Clem: How do you think Kevin would feel about having Kirk named Glick Junior?

Grant: ‘oo an’ wot, now?

Clem: How do you think Glick’s husband would feel about thei r son being named after Glick?

Grant: Jus’ fine. Why wouldn’t ‘e?

Clem: Because maybe, if Glick and Kevin are inclined to name their son after themselves, they’d have a hard time deciding which one of them to name him after?

Grant: Ohhh, I get you. Think Kev’ might be a little jealous that the Junior goes wit’ Glick an’ not ‘is own name, eh?

Clem: That’s my point, yes.

Lana: Gay marriage cert’ly complicates things.

Glick: Not as many things as it simplifies.

Lana: True ‘nuff.

Clem: So, you never did answer my question: are Opie and Kirk playing happily together?

Grant: Not as such. Not last I saw ‘em, anyroad.

Glick: Really? Kirk usually gets along with everybody.

Grant: Yeh, it wasn’t Kirk ‘oo was causin’ the friction.

Clem: So what’s going on down there?

Grant: Oh, you know. The usual. Kids runnin’ rampant, destroyin’ stuff, things like that.

Glick: I’ve never seen kids destroying things down there before.

Grant: Wull, you’ve never seen Opie down there before.

Clem: Ninety-two minutes in the book, and Mellon, Meisterbrau and Lemwalker pressing one last attack.

Lana: The Freedom Country defense 'as 'eld up well today. Twelve blocked shots by their 'keeper.

Clem: And Mellon takes one last one--

Lana: Goooooal!

Clem: Holy cow! On three minutes of penalty time, Helen Mellon scores! The Lemmings are going to win it! Who would have thought it?

Grant: 'ow excitin'. I can't remember seein' a finish like this since, oh, World Cup Four or Five, mebbe.

Glick: Neither of which you saw, Grant.

Grant: Oh, yes. True enough.

Clem: And there's the final whistle. So the score from Lemco City is Lemmitania two, Freedom Country one!

Glick: And we'll return for the post-game after these important messages.


Quick match summary:

Lemmitania 2 (Lemwalker 22, Mellon 92)
Bookings: Nichols (yellow)
Freedom Country: 1 (55)
30-10-2003, 05:17
Look at the previous page here (
30-10-2003, 05:19
Stupid b0rk3d forum pages.
30-10-2003, 05:21
Provided by the Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Statistics and Other Totally Useless Information

The Hooligans Remaining Qualifying Matches


Tanah Burung - Snub Nose 20


Snub Nose 20 - Tanah Burung



Link to WC9 Rosters (

The Porlamar Times

Snub Nose 38 government prints deceiving matchday schedule!
Oglethorpian government finds fault in published matchday schedule of Snub Nose 38/20

In a recently released "Other Totally Useless Information" report from the Snub Nose 38/20 government, it was found that a team under the name of "Snub Nose 20" is listed as playing the national team from Tanah Burung.

"This 'Margeret'-theory has gone too far!" says Porlamar National Labratory Director Bernardo Green. "Now even their government acknowledges the existance of a real national team, and a troupe of imposters? How can they risk confusing the layman?"

Random Oglethorpians on the streets of Los Polverines were, undoubtedly, bewildered. "I dun'wanna deal wi'it, yeh bloody wankers!" said one angry citizen of Sheffingham visiting the city.

Futebol analysts agree -- some futebol authority must distinguish Snub Nose 38 from Snub Nose 20 before more common folk are confused! The veil of secrecy must be taken down -- preferably burnt.

More on the Snub Nose 38/20-coverup as it comes.



"And now, on 20/20..."
"It's 38/20."
"Oh, right. Tonight on 38/20..."
30-10-2003, 05:35
Futebol analysts agree -- some futebol authority must distinguish Snub Nose 38 from Snub Nose 20 before more common folk are confused! The veil of secrecy must be taken down -- preferably burnt.

Football Federation Launches New Investigation

Was Bazgash Truly Being Sly?

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards--The National Football Federation today launched a new investigation into Mediagate amidst allegations that Snub Nose 38 is fielding two different sides in World Cup qualifying. Mediagate was seemingly resolved when WW1 reporter Bazgash the Sly was admonished and forced into a rehab clinic after his reports of the SN38-Warnocks Wizards match differed from other news agencies. However, Football Federation President Globmazh the Mean today announced the Federation's previous findings, which censured Bazgash, would have to be re-visited. An Oglethorpian news agency has uncovered the possible existence of a rogue football team--dubbed Snub Nose 20--being used by the nation of Snub Nose 38. Amidst these allegations the question must be asked, just who did our lads lose to on Matchday 1?

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW1
30-10-2003, 05:39
Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Pick Up Road Victory
Top Zinkoland 2-1
by Markenin Markenel

ZINKOLAND(NP) - It was a relatively easy time for the Pandas today as they cruised to a 2-1 victory on their first away match of qualifying.

Manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel decided to make a few lineup changes to the starting eleven today. The most notable was the start of the substitute keeper Kelessin Quertel instead of Jeserin Renteritel. Before the match, Jaski told the press that Quertel would be starting the next two matches, in order to give Renteritel a rest before Days 5, 6, and 7, when Nikea would take on Anateus Rising, Halfassedstates, and then Bedistan. Quertel had a relatively slow day, only facing 4 shots from the Zinkolanders. His counterpart on the other end of the pitch, however, had a somewhat more action packed day, but not by much, only facing six Nikean chances. Other new additions into the starting lineup were Seserin Serenitel giving Jerin Istertel a break, and Ekserin Pilseniuene allowing Alexei Strekiov to view the game from the bench.

The match was controlled by the Pandas from the opening kick-off. Nikea's first chance on goal was successful; Seserin Serenitel scored on his starting debut, heading in a Yurin Yaskalaitel cross past the Zinkoland keeper in the 6th minute. This goal was followed up in the 12th minute by Kalainen Mersentel's blast from just inside the 18-yard box. Nikea found themselves up 2-0 early.

The Pandas then played a tight, defensive game, taking the Zinkoland fans out of the game by slowing the game down to a snail's pace. Booes trailed the players off the pitch at halftime, and the Pandas continued their boring play. The match was successful as far as the Nikean plan went, except for a fluke shot that caught Quertel off guard, taking away Nikea's chance at topping the table outright on goal differential. It proved to be inconsequential as far as the match result went, however, as the final whistle blew shortly after.

Nikea's next match comes against -Kramerica-, who were shut out by Bedistan today. Other group 3 action saw Halfassedstates gain their first win 1-0 over Tranquillitis, and Endray-Island defeat a struggling Anateus Rising 2-1.

Zinkoland 1 (<player> 88)
Nikea 2 (Serenitel 6, Mersentel 12)


Match Schedule

Nikea v. Tranquillitis W 2-0
Nikea v. #54 Endray-Island W 2-1
#87 Zinkoland v. Nikea W 2-1
-Kramerica- v. Nikea
#26 Anateus Rising v. Nikea
Nikea v. #13 Halfassedstates
Nikea v. #3 Bedistan
Tranquillitis v. Nikea
#54 Endray-Island v. Nikea
Nikea v. #87 Zinkoland
Nikea v. -Kramerica-
Nikea v. #26 Anateus Rising
#13 Halfassedstates v. Nikea
#3 Bedistan v. Nikea
30-10-2003, 05:40
We prefer to call Snub Nose 20 "that troupe of imitating footballers." If we do manage to get ahold of the fiends, we'll test their nationality by exposing them to original evisceratomatoes; in the event that they do not burst, we know they're not natives of Snub Nose 38.

Look out Snub Nose 20, we're lookin' out for you.

-- George McDouglas
Association of Futebol


That's crazy talk. We won't attempt to capture Snub Nose 20, only reveal their identity.

-- Ben Wright
Sporting Bureau


OOC: The AoF exists since futebol is so widely popular in Oglethorpia: the international game and club futebol at home. The Sporting Bureau handles the other, less popular sports: American football, rugby and hockey.

And that concludes your glimpse into Oglethorpia.
30-10-2003, 06:02
The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms have once again proven their mettle by playing a shutout game against Redavic Union, topping the team 3-0. The team played very aggressively throughout the game, keeping the ball in RU territory for three fourths of the game. Despite the wholly defencive effort by the opponent, the first of the three goals was scored by Tom Hertz in the 31st minute, cutting through the developed RU defence. In the second half, Chris Katter, in for James Bowie, scored the second and the third goals of the game in the 63rd and 76th minutes. Coach Wilder was unavailable for comment.
30-10-2003, 06:30

Timway's team caughta flu bug a few days back, and the team's fitness has been noticeably worsened over the past two games, both of them losses. We did not seek out coach Pablo Rolla for comment, for fear that getting too close to him would make us sick as well. The team barely managed to put enough warm bodies on the field for the last game against Lanky, Healthy Dude, which Timways lost 2-4. The flu bug, which the team has named Boris, has viciously attacked Timway players, caring not for the importance of the games nor for the players' importance to the team. The team started only three regulars yesterday, and that number is expected to rise only slightly for the next game, as the team is still much in a state of disarray. The team has taken to staying in separate rooms at all times to avoid further contaminations, though sitting on the bench together during the match is certainly no help. More news as events warrant, if we dare venture close enough to anyone associated with the team. Timway is now a full 3 points behind the final qualifying spot in Group 4.
Liverpool England
30-10-2003, 07:01
Defending Champs secure first win; dump Belmore aside 3-1

Liverpool England 3 (Christopher 9th penalty, Dussis 70th, 89th)
The Belmore Family (player 81st)

while Oddslavo also win - a thrashing over unranked side Jezland 4-0
The Hak-tar
30-10-2003, 07:08
Match Schedule

Nikea v. Tranquillitis W 2-0
Nikea v. #54 Endray-Island W 2-1
#87 Zinkoland v. Nikea W 2-1
OOC: Aah! The color-coding got stolen! Now I'll never recognize my own posts again! :P
The result color-coding system that puts the [color] tags inside the [b] tags is a trademark of PariMedia, Inc. All rights reserved.
EDIT: Stupid puppet...this is Commerce Heights. :?
Runaway Moose
30-10-2003, 07:20
Hello everyone, I'm Gus and I'm back for World Cup 9 Qualifiers.
After a well played match on day 2, with Alces Rex beating Boa Vista 2-0, it is official, our very own Liz will no longer be commentating with us.
She has been named to the international squad. Number 24. Which leaves me without a permanent cohost. But I have the honor of discussing today's match with none other than our nation's beloved MOZ.
Hello MOZ.
M. Hello Gus.
G. Holy Bejeepers, you said my name!!!
M. Let's not get excited over the little things Gus.
G. Are you single?
M. Let's not discuss my personal life Gus. We have a game about to start.
G. Oh, erm, right. We're uh, playing, uh, the, uh, the team from, uh...
M. Hokianga. We're playing Hokianga.
G. Yes, er, them.
M. Well, while we're waiting, what did you think of the match against Boa Vista? I had to miss it.
G. Why?
M. I had something to take care of. Anyway...
G. What?
M. Never mind. So Liz got her first international assist to my little sister?
G. Yeah! She was really good.
M. And Nif assisted Tinesta.
G. Yeah.
M. Care to elaborate?
G. So what have you been up to since retirement?
M. Never mind. The game is about to start.

**17th minute**

M. So it looks like T. Gigas is giving up Alces Rex first goal of the qualifiers. Can't expect them all to be shutouts.
G. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if I came up with some nicknames for the other team. Remember how Gil did? Did you hear about him maybe not being dead?
M. I don't want to talk about
G. What?
M. I was very fond of Gil. It's difficult for me sometimes to get his name out. I'd rather not discuss it.
G. You know what people were saying you and...
M. I'd rather not discuss it.

**38th minute**

M. And that's a goal for Beast, with a great assist from Tinesta. He's really been a great captain for this team.
G. Yeah, nobody thought he could do as well as you, not that he is...
M. Honestly, you'd think I walked on water.

[color=blue]M. I don't.
G. Oh. Yeah. I was, er, kidding.

** Half **

G. So at the half we're all tied up. What about this team here?
M. Hokianga are playing very well. A solid performance really. Alces are going to have to pick up the pace a bit.


M. And Evalina delivers on the direct kick.
G. That will show them not to tackle dirty.
M. Dangerous that.
Oy! Look at the time. Gus, are you okay on your own? I have to er, go get something.
G. What!? What could be more important to you than a soccer match?
M. Well, honestly I have another match to go to, and I have to get Optimus.
G. Optimus?
M. My, um, I have to go.
G. Oh goodness! Is that that kid? Is he yours? Does he play soccer? Any good? So are you married or what?
M. I have to go.
G. Who's he with right now?
M. It's been great Gus. Tell Liz I said well played.
G. But it's not....
Anyway. Er, so they're still playing...

*** Final Score: Runaway Moose 2, Hokianga 1 ***
30-10-2003, 10:52
Akbarland bounced back from a defeat to Euaz to win against unranked Callmebernard. This victory makes sure that the team remains in the no.3 position in the group ahead of much higher ranked Haraki and Errunendera.Both the vicories have come against unranked teams, so the the biggest test is still to come.
30-10-2003, 11:37
SterlingIce Gets First Ever Point!
Coach Braden did a little lineup shuffling and it produced the Hippos first ever goal and point in World Cup play with a 1-1 draw against #15 Errinundera. "This is a huge game for our national team," Coach Ricky Braden said after the game, "It shows we can compete on a global level." Braden had mixed up the lineup a little before the game, sitting wingback Arcadio Sanchez and defensive middie Herschel Meek in favor of Elmer Bush and offensive middie phenom Thomas Little. "Timber" Kimber came up big with timely saves, allowing only 1 goal for the 3rd straight game. The goal was scored by Edwin Phelan on a pass from winger Mick Starks, who, earlier in the day, scored a hat trick for the RNoSI national ice hockey team in the inagural Don Cherry Cup, putting them within one win of that Cup.

30-10-2003, 14:54
*we are in the Royal box of the Commonwealth Stadium in Whogivesa, Halfassedstates. Present are King Jimmy, new football team manager Jarvis Smith and General Hugh McDoogle {Commander of Halfassedstates Special forces}*

KJ - Well Jarvis, that quite frankly was a shambles. 2-0 up and we manage to lose 3-2. AT HOME! AGAINST SOME UNKNOWN SIDE THAT HAS NO RECORD OF ANY KIND IN FOOTBALL!!!!!

JS - *mumbles* thats what an unknown side is*


JS - Nothing - I was just saying that it was terrible.

KJ - No kidding - two games and one point. I know you like making things interesting and all, but lets not ass about too much eh!

JS - Ok your majesty. By the way, why is the General here?

KJ - Well we have heard of a magic woman by the name of Margaret that helps the Snub Nose side perform better than the should in matches.

JS - I always wondered how they got on so well!!

KJ - Yes well the General here was wondering if you wanted some 'assistance' in your new role?

JS - What do you mean?

GHMc - Basically we have been gathering information on this Margaret for a while now and, well we think we could get her to help us, all we would need are some chickens!

JS + KJ - eh?

GHMc - Well she always carries a rubber chicken around with her - we think she was abandoned as a kid and ended up in a chicken coop for a few weeks before she was found and saved by a farmer.

KJ - Right get in touch with her then and try and sort something out!


Two days later, and we are in the same room.

KJ - Well that was a bit better, we won.

JS - I told you it would improve!

KJ - Did it? I thought the opposition just got worse!

JS - At least Gunnet is playing well, three goals in three games is pretty damn good if you ask me!

KJ - Maybe. But the rest of the side doesn't seem to be playing well together at all. I mean Hope for instance, our second highest scorer ever and I can't remember seeing him take a shot yet!

JS - I think he is still struggling from Sir James' death, sire. They were like father and son. I think he may retire before the qualifying finishes, especially if things continue like this for him.

KJ - Really, hmmmm. Maybe you should tell him to go! Anyway, I have spoke with the General, we seem to have lost 'Margaret' she is no longer in the offices, or even the building, although that idiot minister of Sport, Olympics and Alcoholic beverages or whatever, was seen running about at dusk making clucking noises - the agent was going to follow him, but was laughing so hard that he escaped!

JS - so we don't have the witch woman yet! *looks disappointedly down at his feet.* Guess i'll have to earn my pay then!

KJ - That would be a good idea - yes. *as Jarvis leaves King Jimmy mumbles - starting b00dly quickly too*
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 14:57
The government of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 is at a complete standstill. In the Legislature, a debate is raging over what crisis to address first.

The strange appearance and horrific proliferation of "Smurfs" and "Smurf like references" in the international media?

The issue of the "Phantom Hooligans" and just exactly what or who Snub Nose 20 is?

The possibility that the government just spent $75million lemsonians for a small bag of sugar?

The dismal performance of the national international side, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans?

Receipt of a reasonable, well thought out, and informative response from Oglethorpia to a rhetorical question?

The sad facts, provided by Halfassedstates, explaining away the beauty of the Spaamatic OTUI chart?

The apparent total ineptitude of Sal Manela as a football manager?

Reporters from ASPN and Scuttlebutt are standing by outside the Chambers, ready to report - assuming that there will be something to report - as soon as there is something to report.
30-10-2003, 15:33
Reporters from ASPN and Scuttlebutt are standing by outside the Chambers, ready to report - assuming that there will be something to report - as soon as there is something to report.

Heh, nice 8)

SN38 humours me.
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 16:14
Reporters from ASPN and Scuttlebutt are standing by outside the Chambers, ready to report - assuming that there will be something to report - as soon as there is something to report.
Heh, nice 8)
SN38 humours me.
We aims to please. :wink:
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 16:50
*we are just outside the tent currently serving as office space for the snub nose 38 minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. we are surrounded by reporters from the news media. the minister stands before us, behind a shabby podium. to his left is someone that has only been identified to us as 'margaret'. the minister taps on the microphone, and we hear that annoying feedback sound that happens when people who don't understand sound systems tap on the microphone. the minister 'harumphs'. then - *

- Thank you all for, um, coming. I have a brief announcement, and then we will take a few questions.

*there is a long pause. margaret nudges the minister.*

- Oh! Ahh...well, it was brought to our attention that news media in Oglethorpia - um, "The Porlamar Times", in fact, reported that there may be a "Phantom Snub Nose 38 Hooligans" football side. I've been, uh, told that they based this rather ludicrous assumption on the, um, - the...

*margaret nudges the minister again - a little harder this time*

- The schedule of Qualifying Matches for the Hooligans published by my office. Let me clear this up. Uh...the schedule does in fact list the Hooligans twice by the "nom de guerre" "Snub Nose 20". If you read the schedule, you will note that this occurs, er, for both matches the Hooligans are scheduled to play against the Tanah Burung - um - the Tanah Burung...

*margaret leans over and whispers in the ministers ear*

- Crocodiles. Yes, the Tanah Burung Crocodiles. This was done intentionally, uh, to make absolutely sure the Crocs knew where and when the matchs were to take place. See, the Crocs have, for quite some time, been referring to the Hooligans as the "Snub Nose 20" Hooligans. We think it's some kind of a dig, but, um, we used it on the schedule to avoid any confusion. Which, obviously, was a dismal failure. And, we're gonna replace all the published schedules with, um, edited ones so nobody get's confused anymore. So...that's the thing.

*pause. margaret nudges the minister again - he almost falls over.*

- Um, you guys got any questions?

- Minister, Mike Easter - ASPN. What about the 1-1-1 record of the Hooligans in qualifying so far?
- No comment.
- Thank you, Margaret.

- Remington Grey, Minister, with Scuttlebutt. Are you satisfied that Sal Manela is the right manager for the Hooligans?
- We can't speak to that at this time.
- Oh. Thanks, Margaret.

- Minister, Lauren D'order - Remington County Record. Is there any truth to the rumor that Ben Dover is going to replace Sal Manela?
- Sorry, didn't hear the question. Thank you all for coming, that's all we have time for now.
- But, Margaret...

*margaret hooks her arm through that of the minister, and drags him back into the tent.*
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 17:16
*we are in the Royal box of the Commonwealth Stadium in Whogivesa, Halfassedstates. Present are King Jimmy, new football team manager Jarvis Smith and General Hugh McDoogle {Commander of Halfassedstates Special forces}*
GHMc - Well she always carries a rubber chicken around with her - we think she was abandoned as a kid and ended up in a chicken coop for a few weeks before she was found and saved by a farmer.
..."more stuff"
KJ - Really, hmmmm. Maybe you should tell him to go! Anyway, I have spoke with the General, we seem to have lost 'Margaret' she is no longer in the offices, or even the building, although that idiot minister of Sport, Olympics and Alcoholic beverages or whatever, was seen running about at dusk making clucking noises - the agent was going to follow him, but was laughing so hard that he escaped!...
OOC: :!: I'm having the same problem as your agent - I can't stop laughing. :wink:
Tanah Burung
30-10-2003, 17:56

Girl-power Crocs lead group

The Crocodiles came away from Fortress Warnock on the slopes of Mount Doom with a 1-1 draw, as reported by WW1 news services. Along with yesterday's Demonic Beings loss to Hell Bovines, that leaves Tanah Burung a point clear atop the qualifying group. Next up is a crucial match against the Beings themselves.

"The Red-and-White Wizards are one of the festest-improving teams in international football, and their win over 10th-ranked Oglethorpia proved that," said Crocs coach Bi Kikere. "They kinda surprised us with that kickass play in the first half. As you know, we're used to scoring first, so it was a blow to go down 1-0. But i'm very pleased with the character we showed in coming back to earn the point."

The Crocs seemed initially confused when the other team paraded out an alligator mascot ("are they taunting us?" Bi Kikere asked, "cuz if they are, there's a few things i could say about their bizarre get-ups") and shocked to see something called an Uruk-hai dance troupe ("Someone ought to beat those things over the head with rocks") but quickly recovered their composure after an exorcism performed in their dressing room at half-time.

In an interesting note, after three games all goals for Tanah Burung come from women players (Yosepha Syahrir, Canabe Livit and Rosa Bibere). "Yeah, but i'm confident that men are also capable of playing at the international level," Bi Kikere commented, a smile playing across her scarred yet still beautiful face.

Although the Crocs are currently leading, they have yet to face any of the top teams. Fixtures against Oglethorpia and Snub Nose 38 are still in the future. Commenting on the current kerfuffle over the name of the Hooligans' country, Bi Kikere said: "Look. I've always called Snub Nose 20 by their rank, going right back to World Cup 5 when they were ranked 38th. It's a sign of respect. Yeah, that's it. Respect. Me and Margaret love each other dearly. She often sends me a fruit basket, although I think one raspberry may be a bit stingy of her. We're currently preparing some lovely fruit for the Hooligans ourselves."

Final score:
Warnocks Wizards 1 Tanah Burung 1
(Ashmazh the Tough 16, Livit 54)
The Weegies
30-10-2003, 19:06
OOC: I'm sorry I missed one, I'm doing a double RP here to do with Belmorian Scandinavia and 1900's Oglethorpia.

Weegies Star Sport Report.

Today's match was set to be a fiery one for The Weegies. They have faced 1900's Oglethorpia twice before in WCVIII, with both sides seeming evenly matched, winning one a piece. The two teams have already formed a friendly rivalry, with attractive football played in both games.

But today The Weegies gained the upper hand against the 1900's Oglethorpians, with a good performance that takes them to third in the qualifying group, and a superb game from international veteran Peter De Bruis, scoring one goal and setting up the other.

The Weegies started off stronger, with their strike force playing attacking football throughout the first quarter-hour, continually probing the opposition defence, which held quite firm until the 17th minute, when a perfectly timed through-pass near the area from De Bruis fell to the feet of Smith, and with only the goalie to beat, thrust the ball into the back of the net. A good start for the home team.

Then, merely nine minutes later, a good run from Kincaid led to another of his trademark sweeping crosses, finding the head of De Bruis, who nodded it over the keeper to put The Weegies 2-0 up.

After this dramatic first half hour, both teams became more cautious, The Weegies to keep their advantage, 1900's Oglethorpia to stop the gap from widening.

After the break, a poorly timed tackle for new player Mardot led to his second yellow in as many games, and putting him out of contention for the next match against Belmorian Scandinavia.

The second half of the match was far more subdued, although The Weegies still created more chances, with Kincaid missing an absoulute sitter after getting close to the opposition goal.

In the dying seconds of the match, with 1900's Oglethorpia's frustration at being beaten back by the defence of The Weegies, a fantastic run from George Silva and Charles Smith broke through and blasted the ball past John Stuart to gain a goal, although it looked little more than a consolation goal.

So at the final whistle it was: The Weegies 2 - 1 1900's Oglethorpia.

Stuart, John (GK)
Harris, Lyle (DL)
Lennison, Kenny (DC)
Mardot, Jack (DC) (booked, 56th minute)
Hussain, Lemar (DR)
De Bruis, Peter (ML) (goal - 26th minute)
Whyte, Dave (MC)
Anderson, Lyle (MC) (sub - Mahé, Steven, 59th minute)
Kincaid, Fred (MR)
McDuff, Brian (SC)
Smith, Jamie (SC) (goal - 17th minute)
The Weegies
30-10-2003, 19:39
Weegies Star Sport Report

Another lacklustre away performance from The Weegies means they drop a place in their group after a dull game against Belmorian Scandinavia.

Again playing with the lack of heart they showed against Terranos, they stayed dourly defensive for the whole of the first half, their saving grace being the watertight nature of the defence, stopping any of the chances before they were even created.

Things progressed in this way until the 67th minute, when they were woken up by a curving strike from the opposition striker that caught the team napping.

The Weegies woke up slightly to reply with a scrappy strike from Kincaid from a rebound from McDuff, reflecting the panicky nature of the small period in which the team seemed alive.

After the match, the support were angry against Mackintyre's dull, dour style of playing away from home, even against unranked teams like Belmorian Scandinavia.

"After the superb performance against 1900's Oglethorpia, a snooze-fest like this is unacceptable in our eyes. We know we're capable of being an interesting side, don't make us lose that!" said an irate supporter.

Stuart, John (GK)
Harris, Lyle (DL)
Lennison, Kenny (DC)
Black, John (DC)
Hussain, Lemar (DR) (sub - Zukikov, Yuri, 78th minute)
De Bruis, Peter (ML)
Whyte, Dave (MC)
Anderson, Lyle (MC)
Kincaid, Fred (MR) (goal - 75th minute)
McDuff, Brian (SC)
Smith, Jamie (SC)
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 20:19
*interior, film screening room, snub nose 38 hooligans managers offices, "38 special" stadium, sten, snub nose 38. past the back of the tv-vcr combination, we see sal manela, sally forth, and ivan tabytcha. sal, the hooligans manager, is in the center of the 1st row of seats watching the screen intently, clipboard on lap and pencil in hand. sally is one row behind sal, and three seats to the left. she's balancing a very large sandwich on her lap, and has a cold "38 special" in her right hand. in the same row as sally, but in the seat to the far right, is ivan. ivan nods off, then is abruptly awakened by his own snoring. after a moment, he nods off again - and again his snoring wakes him.*

*the door to the screening room opens, and ben and eileen dover, in the midst of an animated conversation, walk in*

-...chance if they don't start playing!
- Okay, Eileen, okay! I mean, it's just the third match - there are eleven more to go. But, okay, I see you point.
- It has to be everybodys' point, Ben. We have got to figure out how to motivate 'em.
- Come on - it's the flippin' World Cup. What more motivation do they need?
- I don't know, but if we don't find out and provide it to 'em, we ain't gonna make it through the qualifiers and it won't be the flippin' World Cup for us.

*ben's attention has been drawn to the screen - and he stops dead in his tracks. he pokes eileen, and gestures towards the screen. she looks - and her jaw drops in disbelief*

- What the...
- It's perfectly clear, Eileen. Perfectly bloody well clear as polished glass.
- But they can't really be...
- You are correct. They can't really be. But they are.
- ...watching "Horse Feathers" with the Marx Brothers.
- I can't take any more of this. We are going to have to do something, Eileen. They're destroying by idiodicy, punctuated with some stupidity and a dash of apparent apathy, what it took us 20 years to build.
- But what can we do about it, Ben? These lunatics are the management team - we're just "consultants" who they don't consult.
- What can we do? This.

*ben reaches over to the light switch by the door, and turns out the lights. silence. then, sounds. booping sounds. pummeling sounds. a couple of chokes, one holler, and a gasp. then the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor - several times. and finally, silence again.*

- Ben?
- Over here, Eileen.

*the lights come on. we see ben dover closing the closet door, through which we see a bound and gagged sal manela, and two sets of tied up feet - we assume they belong to ivan and sally, because they are nowhere to be seen. the door closes*

- What have you done, Ben? What have you done?
- I'm taking back the team, Eileen.
- Ben, you can't just take the team back. They have a manager - who is currently in that closet.
- I'm the manager now.
- You have to be appointed! You have to negotiate! You have to...
- I just negotiated. I'm the manager, he's a sack of mail. You're coaching the defense again. Where's Justin?
- He's still in exhile on Elba, Ben...uh, I'm just a little concerned about this.
- Don't be. Turn off the Marx Brothers, and lets take a look at the tapes of the matches. There's got to be something there we can build on.

*we decide to get out of there. we're not involved, and we don't want to be. but, this is certainly an interesting development, ain't it?*
30-10-2003, 20:24
Nastic Sports Review

The Nastic nation gained a creditable third draw in their first world cup qualifying campaign and they remain unbeaten,The whole of the Nastic nation is on tender hooks awaiting their first win,If and when this has been achieved the team will hear the whole country cheering them on.

In an entertaing draw the Nastic equalising goal came again from Tommy Owner for his third goal in as many games,He seems to be on fire at the moment.

Tables Post-Matchday 3

Day 1
Commerce Heights 2-2 NASTIC 2

Day 2
NASTIC 2 2-2 Errinundera

Day 3
Haraki 1-1 NASTIC 2


Commerce Heights (23) 3 2 1 0 5 3 7
Eauz (52) 3 2 0 1 5 3 6
Akbarland (37) 3 2 0 1 4 3 6
Errinundera (15) 3 1 2 0 6 3 5
NASTIC 2 3 0 3 0 5 5 3
Haraki (2) 3 0 2 1 2 4 2
SterlingIce 3 0 1 2 1 3 1
CallMeBernard 3 0 1 2 2 6 1
Kaze Progressa
30-10-2003, 21:02
From the Daily Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa's dreams of World Cup Nine, born out of the sensational performances against Belmore Family and Liverpool England, continue, but plenty were woken up last night by a 1-1 draw in Zeronia.

The match was always going to be tough with swirling winds and steady rain around the ground, and it was the Zeronians who adapted quickest, forcing Eaka Palera into two awkward saves in the first ten minutes. The Zeronians, without the same known diplomatic relations with the Progressans, viciously tackled whenever possible. They gained three yellow cards before controversially taking the lead on 34 minutes, Jaruna Jaff appearing to have been shoved as a cross was delivered. The referee decided that it was an innocent shoulder-barge, and the headed goal from the cross from #9 was allowed.

The Progressans were angry, but none more so than May Capon, who sprinted past two defenders just a minute later before slamming the ball against the crossbar from 15 yards. It wasn't long before the equaliser came, and unsurprisingly it came from national legend Faiwe Irafma on 39 minutes, when a corner from Eauam MacKazie bounced off the goalkeeper and a defender. Irafma was first to the rebound, bashing it into the roof of the barely-guarded net.

The second half was a borefest until the introduction on 65 minutes of Fayu Owa. No match is dull when he's playing, except possibly this one. Owa's desperate attempts to liven up the match with 40-yard shots, double stepovers and overhead kicks could not do anything to breaking the deadlock. The nearest he got was in injury time when a 540-degree spin was followed by a back-heel to Irafma, who slammed his shot straight at the goalkeeper.

The draw pushes the Progressans out of the qualifying positions but with both new nations in the group to face in the next four matches, they could still surge up the table. The matches with One Red Dot are already being mooted as the games to determine the Progressans' fate.
30-10-2003, 21:13
Uruk’Hai Anti-Defamation League Criticizes World Media

Ethnic Group Disappointed with Dance Troupe Portrayal in Newspapers

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–Members of the Uruk’Hai Anti-Defamation League (UHADL) spoke out today, condemning the way their ethnic group has been represented in the international media. The response comes after The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe performed at halftime during the recent World Cup qualifier at Fortress Warnock between the national teams of Warnocks Wizards and Tanah Burung. In his match report, WW1 correspondent Thrakhak the Slinger described the group’s performance as “bizarre” while Tanah Burung’s football manager Bi Kikere reportedly remarked after seeing the group, “Someone ought to beat those things over the head with rocks.” This prompted dance troupe leader Gorbag to hold a joint press conference with UHADL on the steps of the nation’s capital in New Orthanc.
Gorbag the Dancer, His Feelings Were Hurt

In addition to condemning the “hurtful” descriptions and characterisations, used in the media, Gorbag called for all peoples to not judge the Uruk’Hai on past history, but instead to be more understanding of the group’s plight in a Fourth Age Middle Earth. Gorbag remarked, “Just because our ancestors decapitated and consumed a few humans in the ancient past, doesn’t make us bad dancers. We put a lot of time and effort into our routines; you should see how crowded the local infirmary gets after one of our practice sessions. Comments like those made by Thrakhak and that Bi person from Tanah Burung really hurt our feelings.” Gorbag concluded his conference by calling for an end to all wars and noted that international conflicts should be settled by dance competitions.

Bazgash the Sly, recently released by the rehab facility at New Rivendell, reporting for WW1
30-10-2003, 21:16
OOC: Am I so good in RPing losses, that this is always up to me? I think of the starting formation, before knowing the results.

From the Desnike Daily
The most stupid loss ever
The Rejistanian national team yesterday lost 0-1 against the 19th ranked team of Ariddia. Coach Imdila said before, that 'this is a game, that has high risks and no chances. We don't want our top players to be injured in such a match.' The starting formation looked like this:
Ajil, Iles, Yla, Kansu,
Seru, Syku ,Takil, Raliu
Su, I Ailn
Only four players belong to the normal starting formation. Hexen played only, according to co-coach Hae, because 'Raju* isn't it'. The orange-blue reserve played very defensive and did not give Ariddia any chances in the first half-time. Ariddia seemed to have expected the more offensive play of the normal formation, so during the first minutes, they seemed a bit unsure, how to cope with this team.

After half-time, the orange-blues tried a few times to attack and one situation could perhaps even count as a chance, but merely they tried to keep it nil-nil. The Ariddians managed a few times to get through the defense, but Hexen was there and how he was there. Till the 90th minute, no goal was scored. The referee gave three minutes of additional time, and there it happened: Sen fouled a ariddian player, the ref decided for penalty, <player> shot and Hexen had no chance. Final result: Ariddia 1, Rejistania 0.

*'Raju' is the first name of the substitue goalie, but it can also mean 'great'
Snub Nose 38
30-10-2003, 21:19
An ad torn from the pages of the Remington County Record

Group 8 for "Best Overall Group RPs"!!

30-10-2003, 22:35
Matchday 4 results ( and tables are up, a bit earlier than anticipated.
30-10-2003, 22:47
'Slaves humiliated by East Spaam

Audioslavia were today beaten by an East Spaam side, just days after an awful draw with the third-world masseurs Sensual Products and an awful display against the relatively unknown 'Lanky Dude'.

The 'slaves, second-seeded in the group but only 5th placed, are doing only marginally better than Timway who are the group's top seed but are down in 6th.

With home and away matches against the groups better teams, Spaam (who turned us over 3-0 on home turf in WC7), the once-great Aquillia, and 5th-best-team-in-the-world Timway, Audioslavia have a very tough schedule ahead.

This is Jeremy Jaffacake for Channel One news, g'nite bitchbiscuits.
Kaze Progressa
30-10-2003, 23:20
Kaze Progressa
30-10-2003, 23:21
From the Daily Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa edged their way to third in Group 1 after defeating the group's underachievers God Squad 2-1 with a dramatic late winner from Faiwe Irafma.

The home side took the lead on 20 minutes, a long-range shot taking the merest deflection off Jaruna Jaff and a more significant one off the post, leaving Eaka Palera with no chance. The home fans went wild and the God Squad side dominated much of the first half, hitting the post twice and the bar once. Somehow the Progressans hung on and were rewarded with an equaliser in first-half injury time, Ekazen Waulino slotting the ball in the bottom corner after receiving a neat long pass from Raq Failez.

God Squad were silenced for much of the second half, but did have the best chances, until the inevitable arrival of Fayu Owa turned things around. The Progressans created numerous chances in the last ten minutes - Owa hitting the bar from 30 yards and Waulino nearly doing the same from the edge of the penalty area.

Then, in the last minute, Fek Inhea hit the post - with his head, trying to nod home a corner. The ball clipped his head, was edged away brilliantly by the disorientated goalkeeper, but fell straight to Faiwe Irafma, who slammed the ball into the top corner for a bizarre winner.

Inhea is now expected to be out for the next three games, and Niaq Lainwaiy is expected to take his place, though Quarua Lakeside fans are urging Owa to be enter the starting eleven following his starring roles from the bench in recent games.
Kaze Progressa
30-10-2003, 23:22
From the Daily Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa edged their way to third in Group 1 after defeating the group's underachievers God Squad 2-1 with a dramatic late winner from Faiwe Irafma.

The home side took the lead on 20 minutes, a long-range shot taking the merest deflection off Jaruna Jaff and a more significant one off the post, leaving Eaka Palera with no chance. The home fans went wild and the God Squad side dominated much of the first half, hitting the post twice and the bar once. Somehow the Progressans hung on and were rewarded with an equaliser in first-half injury time, Ekazen Waulino slotting the ball in the bottom corner after receiving a neat long pass from Raq Failez.

God Squad were silenced for much of the second half, but did have the best chances, until the inevitable arrival of Fayu Owa turned things around. The Progressans created numerous chances in the last ten minutes - Owa hitting the bar from 30 yards and Waulino nearly doing the same from the edge of the penalty area.

Then, in the last minute, Fek Inhea hit the post - with his head, trying to nod home a corner. The ball clipped his head, was edged away brilliantly by the disorientated goalkeeper, but fell straight to Faiwe Irafma, who slammed the ball into the top corner for a bizarre winner.

Inhea is now expected to be out for the next three games, and Niaq Lainwaiy is expected to take his place, though Quarua Lakeside fans are urging Owa to be enter the starting eleven following his starring roles from the bench in recent games.
The Weegies
30-10-2003, 23:31
Weegies Star Sport Report

Peter De Bruis continued his excellent run of form today by scoring a double against unranked Freedom Country.

"I'm feeling great, you know, my training's going well, my domestic team is currently challenging for top spot in the Weegies Premiership. I'm in a great place at the moment, and I think I'm at the top of my game." said an ecstatic De Bruis.

Despite the fairly low scoreline, Freedom Country never looked in it from the start. Their lack of experience at international level was obviously telling as they struggled against a side willing to show yet again that they are not a side that will merely lie down in this group, a warning to the higher-seeded teams in their group like Dennisov and Lemmitania that they could still cause some upsets.

Freedom Country, as was said before, looked uncomfortable from the start, even though star striker Smith was rested for the tougher matches ahead. McDuff and Quattro squandered a few good chances at goal in the first few minutes, and Quattro looked especially weak, blazing 2 sure-fire chances straight over the bar.

The first goal came after merely 15 minutes, when De Bruis picked up the ball in midfield, played a 1-2 with Mahé, also looking impressive on the night, and fired a blistering shot from the edge of the penalty area which blasted into the goal. The Weegies continued to dominate throughout the first half, with only the strikers' poor finishing denying them further joy.

The only incidents in an otherwise flawless night, apart from Quattro's dire shots, were Hussain being booked for pulling on a Freedom Country midfielder's shirt, and Levinson being brought off with a shin injury, possibly providing a worry for Mackintyre with the big teams coming.

With The Weegies dominating through the match, the defence of Freedom Country had to give sometime, and give it did in the 67th minute, after Quattro was brought down just outside the box.

A magnificent, curling shot from De Bruis sealed the victory as it sailed past the keeper and into the net.

Stuart, John (GK)
Harris, Lyle (DL)
Lennison, Kenny (DC) (sub - Black, John, 45th minute due to injury.)
Mardot, Jack (DC)
Hussain, Lemar (DR) (booked, 27th minute)
De Bruis, Peter (ML) (goal - 15th minute, goal - 67th minute)
Mahé, Steven (MC) (sub - Whyte, Dave, 72nd minute)
Anderson, Lyle (MC)
Kincaid, Fred (MR)
McDuff, Brian (SC)
Quattro, Andy (SC)
31-10-2003, 00:43
I did NOT double post.
31-10-2003, 00:57
Maracaibo Sports Network
World Cup Watch: Post Matchday 4

Ray McHale: Hey all you futebol fans, matchday 4 has come and gone, and we're here to bring you the progress of the Oglethorpian World Cup-squad, who faced the Wildthings Realm today in their opponent's home stadium.

Mike White: Good, I say.

Ray: To what?

Mike: To playing the Wildthings Realm in their home stadium. Especially after Oglethorpia kicked their ass.

Ray: Well, I might remind you that most of those folks who love in the Wildthings Realm don't seem to care that much about futebol.

Mike: You're kidding.

Ray: How many newsarticles or TV broadcasts have you seen from WTR?

Mike: Good point.

Ray: Moving on, we've got Eduardo Escobar here to give us his thoughts on Oglethorpia's upcoming matches, and later on, striker Torrence Black to comment on his preformance in today's match. But first, Eduardo.

Eduardo Escobar: Hola Ray, Mike.

Ray: Eduardo, give us your thoughts on tomorrows match: Oglethorpia vs. Snub Nose 38.

Eduardo: Well Ray, i'm gunna tell you what I think; in a close match like this, I like to look at individuals. Let's start with Oglethorpia. I'm liking Kirk Calhoun, Jorge White and Torrence Black to be this team's leaders and playmakers -- as for Snub Nose 38, i'm going to go with Tank, Paddy and Malicious.

Mike: Eduardo, all you did was name either team's strikers.

Eduardo: Prove it.

Ray: Uh...he's right, Eduardo. Both teams are running a 3-4-3 formation; you just named three strikers from each time.

Eduardo: Shut up. Either way, it's a hard game to call -- since i'm from Oglethorpia, GO OGLETHORPIA!

Ray: Well said. And now, Oglethorpian World Cup-striker Torrence Black. Torrence, welcome.

Torrence Black: Glad to be here, ole sport.

Mike: Torrence, congratulations on your two goals earlier today; four goals for you across this Cup already.

Torrence: I said it before; I kicked ass.

Ray: Your critics may say you're boastin', but it's true.

Torrence: What's true?

Ray: That you kicked ass.

Torrence: Damn straight, McHale. I kicked ASS. Look out, Snub Nose 38.

Mike: Hey now, what happens if you lose?

Torrence: Then I didn't kick ass, on account of my teammates blunders.

Ray: Of course. Torrence, how's the squad looking going into tomorrow's match?

Torrence: Ready.

Mike: Ready?

Torrence: Ready to kick some ass!

Ray: Who knew?

Torrence: Not you.

Ray: Riight.

Mike: Snub Nose 38, 20th ranked in the world, Oglethorpia the highest seed of group 8, ranked 10th. A very very even match, should be a good game tomorrow. Oglethorpia's playing to the home crowd, sure to be rabid in their support of the Oglethorpian squad.

Ray: For sure; i'm sure Oglethorpian flags in the hands of fans will be out in full force; both little 5 x 3 ones, and the huge one behind the opponent's goal.

Torrence: It'll be great for kicking ass.

Mike: Aye. Go kick ass, Torrence!

Torrence: I will.

Ray: Good luck to ya, Torrence -- we're pullin' for Oglethorpia tomorrow against Snub Nose 38, playing in the visitor's stadium. For Mike White, Eduardo Escobar, and striker Torrence Black -- good night, all futebol fans alike.
31-10-2003, 01:18
(OOC: Next one will be better than newspaper articles, promise :P This one refers to Seinfeld, so if you haven't seen the Kramerica episode, you probably won't get it. And if Kramerica actually reads these [which I doubt he does], I'm making up some characters for him. So sue me.)

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Stumble Slightly
Draw with Kramerica, still unbeaten
by Markenin Markenel

KRAMERICA(NP) - The Pandas stumbled a bit on their way to the 9th World Cup of Football, yet still managed a point against unranked Kramerica.

The Nikean nationals headed to Kramerica today to try for their first ever 4-game winning streak, having won 3 in a row in the previous qualifying attempt. However, by the end of the match, they had to settle simply for a 4-game unbeaten streak, as a costly mistake towards the end of the match cost them 2 extra points and a share of the group lead with Bedistan.

Trouble started early for the Pandas before the match even started. Perin the Panda, Nikea's beloved mascot, came out of the tunnel 5 minutes before kickoff holding a burning stick of some kind. When the image was displayed on the jumbo screen, the Kramerica fans were sent into a frenzy of rage and bloodlust. Perin was holding a burning effigy of Darren, the loyal, devoted assistant to the President of Kramerica.

Perin, never having much luck with fire since the Frosty Cup Final incident, quickly dropped the effigy and ran back to the tunnel to avoid harm. Unfortunately, he dropped it on the large Kramerica flag which was being prepared to bring onto the field in World Cup tradition for the national anthems. The flag quickly burst into flames, causing even more unrest and resentment towards the Nikeans. When the Nikean players finally took the field, they were met with a barrage of ketchup and mustard, as it was "Combined Ketchup and Mustard Dispenser Day" in the stadium. Star midfielder Kalainen Mersentel, horribly allergic to ketchup, had to be rushed to hospital after getting some ketchup in his eye.

With one of their star players out of the match, Anderilin Nistriel had to come on in relief. Nistriel had no international experience, and was thrust right in the middle of an important transition game for the Pandas. Needless to say, he was very shaky in his first start. Kelessin Quertel was once again in goal for the Pandas, Seserin Serenitel replaced Kerin Irisiuene, and Ekserin Pilseniuene replaced Leskenen Jaskertel, giving some of his valuable players a bit of a break before the tougher challenges came up.

The match started out very badly for the Pandas. Nistriel got his first ever international touch right away, and promptly kicked a wild ball that went out of bounds. If the Kramerica side were any more experienced, there is no doubt that Nikea would have been down 2 or 3 by the half. However, the Pandas were lucky, and no harm was done.

The second half started out better for the Nikeans. After pressing for a short while, Keresin Keresiuene struck a free-kick from 25 yards that curved into the top right corner, giving Nikea a one-goal lead.

Perhaps a bit prematurely, the Pandas then resorted to trying to protect the lead. They were doing quite well, until an unfortunate incident caused Nikea some trouble.

The airplane testing the new Kramerica Industries project, the giant rubber ball filled with oil, which hypothetically was supposed to prevent ships at sea from losing oil and preventing oil spills, was given the wrong directions to the test point. He released his cargo 6 000 feet above the stadium, and the players attempted to quickly get out of the way of the large ball, which had a 10 metre circumference. Unfortunately, Ekserin Pilseniuene did not notice the ball quickly enough, and tried to get out of the way of the large ball too late. In an incident which appeared completely accidental, Pilseniuene deflected the ball onto the referee from Tanah Burung, who was knocked unconscious by the force of impact and was splattered in diesel oil.

Medical officials rushed onto the pitch to aid the fallen official. A replacement official ran onto the pitch and quickly gave Pilseniuene a red card. Ekserin was furious, as he had played so well in the back for the Pandas and defence was needed in the final minutes of the match. In an attempt to smooth things over, Keresin Keresiuene came over to try and mediate the situation, earning a red card for his actions. When the dust (and oil) cleared, Nikea was down two men in a crucial part of the match.

It cost them. Kelessin Quertel was left completely helpless as the understaffed Nikean backfield could not cover 10 Kramerica players in the box during a corner. The ball was headed into the net and the game ended in a 1-1 draw.

The draw, coupled with Bedistan's victory, gives the Pandas possession of second place, while Bedistan occupies first. The Pandas next travel to Anateus Rising, before returning home to host Halfassedstates and Bedistan. The NFA plans to protest the red cards and the 1-match suspensions that accompany them.

Kramerica 1 (<player> 81)
Nikea 1 (Keresiuene 56)


Match Schedule

Nikea v. Tranquillitis W 2-0
Nikea v. #54 Endray-Island W 2-1
#87 Zinkoland v. Nikea W 2-1
-Kramerica- v. Nikea D 1-1
#26 Anateus Rising v. Nikea
Nikea v. #13 Halfassedstates
Nikea v. #3 Bedistan
Tranquillitis v. Nikea
#54 Endray-Island v. Nikea
Nikea v. #87 Zinkoland
Nikea v. -Kramerica-
Nikea v. #26 Anateus Rising
#13 Halfassedstates v. Nikea
#3 Bedistan v. Nikea
31-10-2003, 01:18
Morawns, unite in celebration! We have faced the greatest challenge the international football world could throw at us, and we have not lost! Our side met the group's top seed, Giant Zucchini, and refused to concede! This was a banner day for Morawns everywhere!

True, we lost to something called Total n Utter Insanity today. But let's talk about the last match some more.

Some may say, oh Morawns, that this victory (remember, ye faithful, anything that isn't a loss is a victory) was a result of sheer luck, or coincidence. But we know better! So what if their best striker injured himself during the warmups and was unable to play? What matter if a near-goal in the sixth minute was deflected by a freak gale-force wind? Of what concern that the sun blinded the referee at just the right moment to prevent a penalty call in the fifty-eighth? What meaning could be accorded to the minor tremor that rocked the ground in the eighty-seventh, throwing yet another Zucchini striker off balance? All of this is irrelevant; it is evident that our team, through skill of arms... well, legs, I suppose... and faith in the Lord, has emerged as an equal to the supposed "best" in the group!

If you discount those other three games, anyway. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

We look forward to many greater victories from our brethren in the future! And we must not begrudge the team's manager their minor setbacks. Remember that the Lord loves all His children, as long as they're productive contributors to the state; have faith that the Lord will forgive the malfeasance of the manager. In fact, he'll have an opportunity to receive that forgiveness from the Lord in person just as soon as the Cup is over, if his productivity doesn't improve.

Work hard, for the Lord and the state!

~Chief Morawn, Archpope Bob
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 01:22
Provided by the Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Statistics and Other Totally Useless Information

Group 8 Stats, and OTUI
# Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
2 Snub Nose 38 (20) 6 4 1 1 12 7 5 13
4 Tanah Burung (39) 6 4 1 1 8 4 4 13
1 Oglethorpia (10) 6 3 1 2 12 8 4 10
5 Hell Bovines (65) 6 3 1 2 7 8 -1 10
6 Warnocks Wizards (77) 6 2 2 2 7 9 -2 8
3 Demonic Beings (31) 6 2 0 4 6 7 -1 6
7 Evisceratomatoes 6 2 0 4 4 8 -4 6
8 Wildthings Realm 6 0 2 4 7 12 -5 2[/code:1:d9555c8967]
Group 8 Matchday Results
Matchday 1
Oglethorpia 3, Hells Bovines 3
Snub Nose 38 5, Warnocks Wizards 2
Demonic Beings 2, Evisceratomatoes 0
Tanah Burung 2, Wildthings Realm 1

Matchday 2
Warnocks Wizards 1, Oglethorpia 0
Evisceratomatoes 2, Snub Nose 38 0
Demonic Beings 2, Wildthings Realm 1
Tanah Burung 2, Hell Bovines 0

Matchday 3
Oglethorpia 3, Evisceratomatoes 0
Snub Nose 38 1, Wildthings Realm 1
Hell Bovines 2, Demonic Beings 1
Warnocks Wizards 1, Tanah Burung 1

Matchday 4
Wildthings Realm 1, Oglethorpia 3
Hell Bovines 0, Snub Nose 38 2
Demonic Beings 0, Warnocks Wizards 1
Evisceratomatoes0, Tanah Burung 1

Matchday 5
Oglethorpia 2, Snub Nose 38 3
Demonic Beings 1, Tanah Burung 2
Warnocks Wizards 0, Hell Bovines 1
Wildthings Realm 1, Evisceratomatoes 2

Matchday 6
Oglethorpia 1, Demonic Beings 0
Tanah Burung 0, Snub Nose 38 1
Hell Bovines 1, Evisceratomatoes 0
Warnocks Wizards 2, Wildthings Realm 2

The Hooligans Remaining Qualifying Matches
(Note - Schedule edited for clarity regarding the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans "nom de guerre" of Snub Nose 20)
Snub Nose 38 - Demonic Beings
Warnocks Wizards - Snub Nose 38
Snub Nose 38 - Evisceratomatoes
Wildthings Realm - Snub Nose 38
Snub Nose 38 - Hells Bovines
Snub Nose 38 - Oglethorpia
Snub Nose 20 (nom de guerre of Snub Nose 38 ) - Tanah Burung
Demonic Beings - Snub Nose 38

Tickets for most matches are still available, and can be acquired through "Snubitron". Or, you can call the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages and ask for Beverly.

Group 8 Sides With Posted Rosters
1 Oglethorpia
4 Tanah Burung Crocodiles
5 Hells Bovines
6 Warnocks Wizards
2 Snub Nose 38 Hooligans
3 Demonic Beings (see last part of Dark Outcasts roster)

Link to WC9 Rosters (
31-10-2003, 01:33
Warnocks Wizards Prove a Nightmare for the Demonic Beings

Manager Ufwurz Furiously Happy with 1-0 Away Victory

From our news services...

Matchday 4, Demonic Beings–The beauty of the World Cup is traveling to far away places and meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. Having said that, some members of the national team were leery of traveling to the nation of their matchday four opponents, The Disputed Territories of the Demonic Beings. Demonic Beings is described as a barren, inhospitable land with a corrupt dictatorship. Their national motto is “Through death we will conquer the world.” In preparation for this potentially ominous foe, Manager Ufwurz the Furious gave his team the most difficult week of training he could think of–a week of joint training with The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe.

Upon arrival at the Disputed Territories (One wonders who would choose to dispute with the Demonic Beings), Manager Ufwurz made several changes to his starting lineup from the previous matchay. National No. 1 keeper Ishhak the Smasher, still suffering from an injury caused by national mascot Arch-mage Rahzlok the Alligator, was replaced by Globtakh the Timid. Winger Akhklash the Emaciated, afraid that he might be destroyed by the Demonic Beings, was dropped out of the squad. Striker Ishklash the Snooty, annoyed that he didn’t get a window seat on the team canoe for the trip to Demonic Beings, was moved to the substitutes bench. Ufwurz, expecting a very physical match, therefore went with his most rugged side to date. The quick Ghaztrak the Gouger was replaced by the stronger Akhburz the Straggler, and “the chief,” Globdreg the Destroyer, was given a surprise start.

The Red and White Wizards began the game in a 4-3-3 formation and were employing a long ball strategy. Gone was the slick passing that one is accustomed to seeing from the side. Ufwurz was clearly trying to out-muscle his opponent up front with the two target men, Globdreg and Ashmazh the Tough, trying to take it to the Demonic Beings. That proved quite elusive as the Demons were shapeshifting their way to long periods of possession. The first curious incident of the match occurred in the 8th minute. Goalkeeper Globtakh the Timid, quite intimidated by the taunting he was receiving from the home crowd, had a panic attack and collapsed to the ground, hyperventilating as the Demonic Beings pushed forward for their first true chance on goal. Thankfully, Demon striker Tony Jester ballooned his effort over the bar. Ufwurz’s gentle, “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GLOBTAKH! ARE YOU A MAN OR A MUNCHKIN!” seemed to have no effect on the poor bewildered goalkeeper. Fortunately, Captain Shagrukh is always prepared. He handed poor Globtakh a paper bag to blow into, and the day was saved. Clarity was restored. For Globtakh that is. The Wizards failed to threaten the Demonic goal and the first half ended with a disappointing 0-0 scoreline.

Ufwurz decided to give the long ball strategy a little more time. This proved a mistake as the Demons took the game to the visitors. Globtakh the Timid, with magical paper bag behind him, stood on his head and made several world class saves. The experiment in the long ball game quite obviously failing, Uwurz grudgingly put on the one Wizard who can change the fate of a game on his own, step forward Ishklash the Snooty. The Snooty one casually jogged onto the pitch, and the Red and Wizards immediately became a threat to score. In the 62nd minute, with his first touch, admittedly set up by a fine through ball by Bagdreg the Mauler, Ishklash eluded his marker, dribbled past two other defenders and laced a liner into the net. Demonic Beings 0, Warnocks Wizards 1. Ishklash wheeled away from the goal in Giant Eagle celebrations and saluted his manager on the sideline. The Wizards had to endure a barrage of Demonic chances, but in the end held on for the victory. Manager Ufwurz furiously looked on with pride.
Full time: Demonic Beings 0, Warnocks Wizards 1.

Warnocks Wizards: Globtakh the Timid, Akhburz the Straggler, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Krumsnak the Sneaky (Ghazgash the Sleazy 46), Bagdreg the Mauler, Bublok the Destroyer, Ashmazh the Tough, Gabdul the Looter, Globdreg the Destroyer (Ishklash the Snooty 61).

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mersnik the Cruel.

For their next match in Group 8, Warnocks Wizards return home to Fortress Warnock and will host the 65th ranked Cows of Hell Bovines. Slated to perform at halftime are blacksmith experts (“heavy metal?”) and musical group System of a Cow.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1
31-10-2003, 01:45
Defari vs. Ariddia

Kim: "Welcome, thank you for joining us! I’m Kim Kim, here tonight with Terry Singh for Ariddia versus Defari!"

Singh: "Good evening, all. After a difficult victory against Rejistania, with Terrell scoring on penalty at the ninety-first minute, the team must be determined to do better tonight."

Kim: "And the Defari team are just as determined to stop them. Let’s see who’s playing. . ."

DEFARI [insert this game’s roster]

GK: Quentin Grey (23)
DEF: Samuel Wood (17), Wesley Davidson (1), Fred Duchantier(13) , Abdel Dupont (4)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Andrei Karel (15), Samuel Pasteur (8 ), Kazushi Tomson (5)
ATT: Yte Nyussun (6), Is Phillip (22)

Singh: "Quite a few substitute players on the field tonight. They’re given everyone a chance to play in these early stages. Khan and Karel will probably be the backbone of the team tonight."

66th minute:
Singh: "Ariddia is playing fairly defensive, which is unusual. They’ve come up against a team that are focusing on attack today, and Ariddia hasn’t got much space to return the favour."

Kim: "They’ll have to work out how to do it, though. Wood intercepts the ball, stops Defari’s forward push. He passes it to Dupont, who clears it to Khan. They’re into Defari’s territory. . . Khan gets close. . . Passes back to Karel. Who passes it to Phillip, Intercepted. . . No, Phillip gets it back. He. . . can’t try a shot on goal from here, sends it to Nyussun, who passes quickly to Khan, who shoots. . . Goal! Ariddia opens the score!"

71st minute:
Kim: "Dupont and Davidson close Dufari’s attacker off on the side. . . The ball goes out. Dupont plays it back in, and Phillip leads the attack. He’s getting through. . . Passes to Pasteur. . . The keeper moves out to meet him, he shoots. . . It’s deflected slightly off the keeper’s leg, but it’s in!"

94th minute:
Singh: Well, they struggled a little, but they pulled it off in the end. Ariddia have now secured ten points. And not conceded a single goal in three matches. Anything can still happen, though. . ."

Kim: "So join us for the next matches! Until then, good night. . ."

Final score: Defari- Ariddia: 0-2
Khan (67th), Pasteur (72nd)
31-10-2003, 01:48
Stupid b0rk3d forum pages.
31-10-2003, 01:48
IF YOU DOUBLE POST, don't delete your posts!

It just screws up the pages in the topic and it's annoying.
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 02:05
*interior. two 60 watt light bulbs hanging from the ceiling provide the only lighting. the place is sparsely furnished, and looks vaguely familiar. we see the back of someone dressed in midnight blue - and waving a chicken about in one hand and a leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it in the other. of course! the basement offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. margaret, alone in the room, is sacrificially supplicating the random number gods.*

- Margaret?
- Huh?

*we can't imagine why we didn't see him before, but there is someone standing next to margaret. she turns towards him*

- Jack...haven't seen you in some time. How are you, Jack?
- I miss you, Margaret.
- Jack, it's over. You've got to get on with your life.
- Yes, well... Anyway, Margaret, that's not why I'm here.
- No? Why, then, Jack.
- Official business.
- That can't be good. What official business brings the Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery around?
- Your in some danger, Margaret. We're not exactly sure what's up, but you need to know - you're being followed.
- Piffle. I'm always being followed. I don't ever seem to be able to shake all the reporters at the same time.
- It isn't reporters, Margaret. You're being followed around by Agents from Halfassedstates. My agents have been following them around, but haven't been able to get a lead on exactly why Halfassed agents are following you.
- Oh...well...that's not good, is it?
- Not particularly, no.
- How did your guys get on to them?
- Well, they are kind of halfassed, you know. It wasn't too hard to spot 'em. My agents have orders to protect you, but I thought it best if you knew what was going on.
- I appreciate that, Jack. uh, Jack? Damn, he's always doing that.

*we notice that jack isn't there anymore. we didn't see him go - at least, we don't remember seeing him go. he simply isn't there anymore. that could get annoying*
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 02:10
IF YOU DOUBLE POST, don't delete your posts!

It just screws up the pages in the topic and it's annoying.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
I "moved" a long post to another page - and it "shifted" other posts. Won't do it again. :oops:
31-10-2003, 02:13
The Columbia Times

One, Two, Three, Four - Lions Winning More and More

TRANQUILLITIS (2/7/16 BTS) -- After totally shutting out their opposition in their first three matches of World Cup 9 qualifying, Coach Gene Barber opted to go with a starting lineup composed largely of substitutes for the match against unranked Tranquillitis. Thomas, Kucharski, Saravia, and Hockensmith played defense; Rivera, Briscoe, and Marley controlled midfield; and Fiorita took Lewey's place up front.

It was a relatively quiet game, with the Bedistani side more subdued than usual. Goalkeeper Chuck Mitchell stopped two very promising Moose attacks, and Darren Morlock scored his third international goal just before halftime.

Halftime brought additional substitutions. Newcomer Neil Palin took over for Phil Rivera, and Mitchell was given a break as 22-year-old Erik Oldenburg stood at the goal. Neither side would get a chance to score in the second half.

This victory improves Bedistan's winning streak to four games, boosts them to outright first place in Group 3 after Nikea's draw, and extends the team's streak of not allowing any opposing goals.

"The easy stuff is over, though," says Barber. "We've been playing the unranked teams. Now come the established sides, and we've gotta be ready."

The Lions will now return home to face Halfassedstates in their fifth qualifying match.

Final score:
Tranquillitis 0
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 41)
31-10-2003, 02:15
IF YOU DOUBLE POST, don't delete your posts!

It just screws up the pages in the topic and it's annoying.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
I "moved" a long post to another page - and it "shifted" other posts. Won't do it again. :oops:

I just made it big to get attention.

It's not your fault, so much as the stupid forums. If deleting posts wasn't so b0rk3d up, then I wouldn't care :wink:
31-10-2003, 02:25
*******LATE BREAKING NEWS*******

Farmers and Animal Experts Express Concerns over Upcoming Hell Bovines Visit

Some Fear Threat of Mad Cow, Foot and Mouth Diseases

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–Farmers and animal experts have today approached the government to express concerns they have about the impending visit of the Hell Bovines national team for World Cup qualifying. Speaking for those concerned, multi-millionaire farmer, Farmer Maggott III noted that some fear the cow people of Hell Bovines may pose a threat to native animals in terms of Mad Cow and Foot and Mouth Diseases.

The government, in response, has issued a statement saying that all Hell Bovinians–including the national team, visiting dignitaries, fans, and the blacksmith/musical group System of a Cow (slated to appear as halftime entertainment for the match)–will be screened and will be asked to take some vaccinations and apply disinfectants upon entering the country to prevent them from possibly carrying any illness into the Empire.

Thrakhak the Slinger, reporting for WW2
31-10-2003, 02:38
I swear this is the last time I do this.
31-10-2003, 03:03
The Football fans are excited thoughout Eauz, for this is the best the team has done of the 4 years which they have participated in the World Cup. At the moment, Les Bleus are tied with Akbarland (37) with 9 points atop the 2nd division. Les Bleus next match is an away match at the Country of "CallMeBernard". At the moment, CallMeBernard has only 1 Win , 1 Tie and 2 Loses. Coach Coinsion believes his team can win this match, because they have performed well on the Road. Out of the first 4 matches, they have played 3 on the road, and won all, only suffering an embarassing loss at Le Stade Uzea.
31-10-2003, 03:18
OOC: Cos Ravenspire was early, my RP is sorta outta sync and short for round 3....


Tim: And welcome back! We are live here at the brand spankin'
new Guroch Stadium in East Spaam, and the atmosphere is
absolutely electric!

Rob: Sure is Tim, and we have almost 150000 excited fans waiting
for the start of this local derby between the two teams from United
Spaam. This is the first time these teams have met at the
Qualifying level, but all the players should be familiar, with
teammates from the Premier Leagues on opposite sides.

Tim: Like our own Elu Tiwele and East Spaam's Siria Hanun, who are
both midfielders from Guroch City. Yes, I'm sure this is gonna be
one hell of the match, and to help us commentate, we have the
East Spaam News' sports commentator, Sam, here with us today.
Hey Sam!

Sam: Halo evribodi!

Rob: Nice to see ya here Sam! You have to admit, it doesn't really
matter the result, cos really, we are all winners here today, right?

Sam: Yes, but yoo haf too ekspekt Spaam too win toonit.
Wee wil bee triing reelee hard do.

Tim: Ok, the players are taking the field, so how about we take a
quick look at the lineups....


T. Elensar Meneldur
Nólatári Tiwele
V. Súrion Anárion


[code:1:548ebf900a]East Spaam

Hiria Edea
Hanun Renac
Cerene Edri
Ruia Forne


Rob: So, teams facing off.... East Spaam with the ball.... and game
on! Esgore with the ball, kicked to Elmo Edea, going forward, and
tackled by Nólatári! Spaam has the ball, long kick down to
Meneldur, coming up against Ruia, back to Pallanén, who's running
with the ball. Sëhelin being marked by Ruia now and Edri right in
front of Pallanén, who moves it across to Tiwele, and Tiwele is being
marked by Hanun so over to Nólatári....

Tim: What do you think of the pace so far Sam?

Sam: I think orl da plaerz ar giving it evrithing, not onli for
da matsh, but for da krowd as wel. An dats wun ov de most
important things, da krowd, koz withowt da krowd yoo woodent
hav da gaym. Koz its da crowd dat mayks da game, not da plaerz,
do da plaerz doo orl da hard werk lik kiking da borl arownd an
runing an stuf, but wi wood yoo do dat withowt da krowd? I ges
yoo kood doo it too get fit, an dats a good thing, koz evribodi shood
get fit koz it meenz yoo ar helthee an kan run arownd an kick da
borl. But yoo mit get hert so maybee footborl iz not da best thing
too doo too get fit an so maybee yoo shood doo sumthing sayfer lik
just runing withowt orl da kiking an uther plaerz. Yoo kan run on
yoor on too so yoo dont need to get bunshez ov frendz too play
with yoo.

Rob: Well, hate to interrupt you Sam, but that was the final whistle,
and what a great game! With that beautiful goal from Sëhelin in
the first half, that keeps Spaam in outright first on the table, and
East Spaam is still there in 4th. Well, thanks for helping us Sam,
and we hope to see you again!

Sam: Bi evribodi!

Tim: And thats all from us here, so goodnight!
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 04:06

*as we hear the first strains of that obnoxious aspn theme, we push the mute button. ah, blessed silence! as we listen to the silence, we see through the translucent snub nose 38 logo, in quick succession, three magnicifent goals, two heart-stopping save, a beautifull corner kick, and two opposing players who, as they attempt to head the ball, instead manage to head each other. fade to black. two beats. fade up on the aspn sports desk. behind it on the wall a hooligans jersey is side by side with a hells bovines jersey. mike easter sits behind the desk. we press the mute button again*

- ...fourth matchday of qualifying for World Cup 9 in Hells Bovines. The Hooligans, in deference to their hosts, are on a vegetarian diet until they return home. Snub Nose 38 remains committed to the pledge we made when signing the petition that "World Cup 9 Won't Eat Hells Bovines."

A capacity crowd was on hand for todays match - not a seat in the stadium was empty. Hells Bovines won the coin toss and kicked off the first half right on time. The first 15 minutes or so of the match both sides adopted a fairly defensive stance, and each made a few probing attacks to feel out their opponents. Hells Bovines was in a 4-4-2 formation, your Snub Nose 38 Hooligans in the 3-5-2 they used to use regularly when Ben Dover was Manager.

In the 17th minute Hells Bovines put together a concerted attack down the left, started by Milky Blackhorns skillful pass to midfielder Kurmuk Longtail, who switched fields to Cosmo Brownspots. Cosmo took the ball to the corner, slipped around Hooligan defender Tranquility, and sent a perfect cross to Ron Goldenspot – who slipped and fell down as he attempted to volley a shot on goal.

*we see cosmo brownspots slip past tranquility and lift a nice cross, and we see poor ron goldenspot slip and fall as he tries to volley a shot. the ball is collected by pancake, the hooligan keeper, who boots it away*

And that set the tone of the match for Hells Bovines ,who had a hell of a time of it for…oh – sorry – I can’t say that on the air – oops! Well, anyway, the had a bad time of it for the rest of the match. They played very well, passes on the money, defense tough, tackles clean, heads clearly in the game. But they just could not seem to finish. Here’s another example of what I’m talking about that took place in the 42nd minute.

*we see kurmuk longtail skillfully possess the ball in midfield, avoid an attempt by hooligan captain knuckles to tackle the ball away, slip into the attacking third, and pass the ball to julius grassmoker. julius fakes a shot, and instead send the ball through the defense to teammate gleb spottedball. gleb slips past the last defender. pancake comes out. gleb dribbles towards pancake. pancake commits to the ball, and gleb slips the ball past the keeper, follows it, and shoots. and we watch the ball hit the crossbar and flip harmlessly over the net*

It was like that all day for Hells Bovines. The Hooligans played a very conservative first half, which ended with no score. At the half this reporter noticed that Manager Sal Manela was nowhere to be seen, and consultant Ben Dover, who used to manage the Hooligans, seemed to be at the helm today. He was giving the side a very loud piece of his mind as they went in for half time.

And, somehow, the Hooligan Cheerleaders managed to weasel their way into Hells Bovines, and into the stadium, and trotted themselves out onto the pitch at halftime. Carrying something wrapped up in a big blue tarp. A shudder went through the stadium. The Cheerleaders formed themselves into the traditional “38” pattern, and slipped the tarp off what turned out to be – an oversized Barbeque grill…with hot coals sending just a whiff of aromatic smoke up into the stands…and a large bowl of barbeque sauce…

“Snub Nose Hooligans, Hip Horray
Hooligans, Champions here today.
Hells Bovines? Hells Bells
Steaks and Roasts and Barbeque smells

*a number of hells bovines fans stampede out of the stadium. others, armed with the standard rotting vegetables, descend on the hooligan cheerleaders and begin the traditional pelting, with a relish (um, no pun intended) (believe that? want to buy a bridge in brooklyn?). a number of snub nose 38 fans, prepared for their hooligan cheerleaders, also descend with a variety of veggies. the air is filled with tomatoes (non-eviscera in nature), squash (including a few non-sentient zucchinis), asparagus (don’t ask), broccoli, spinach, celery, carrots. all the makings of a fine stew. also, the odd rocking chair, medicine ball, spatula, ottoman, and a yellow volkswagon. it takes a cooperative effort between the hells bovines fans and the snub nose 38 fans to chuck that car*

Hells Bovines constabulary arrived a few moments later, arrested the Hooligan Cheerleaders, and hauled them off in a Paddy Wagon.

The second half began as the first had ended – with an excellent attack by Hells Bovines ending in another non-goal. In this case the ball actually went into the net, but the flag was up.

*on the tape we can see that yes, unfortunately for hells bovines, hemin greenlover was about a meter offsides*

Then the nature of the match changed. The Hooligans came out of their shell, and attacked. In the 56th minute Knuckles took a pass from defender Hanratty, slipped around a very large cow, and passed the ball on to Malicious, who maliciously slammed it past the Hells Bovines keeper Murk Ballmaster for the first goal of the match. 1 – 0 Hooligans.

And in the 79th minute Malicious drove toward goal, and unselfishly dished the ball to Paddy, who stuck the ball across goal, hitting the inside of the far post and falling in for the second goal of the match.

*we see…well, we see that, of course*

Hells Bovines continued to play excellent football, but also continued to be unable to finish. Sebastos Cuernavaca came close in the 83rd minute, as did another Hells Bovines substitute, Fenny Weedlurker, in the 91st minute. But, when the final whistle blew after a full 90 minutes and 4 minutes of added time, the FINAL SCORE WAS HELLS BOVINES 0, SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2.

Hells Bovines Coach Bernardo Brownhorns showed just what a classy cow he is when he crossed the pitch after the match to find the Hooligans “Acting” Manager, Ben Dover, and congratulate him on the Hooligans victory.

31-10-2003, 04:10
Tranquillitis Nyheter
Tjänande Anden sedan den är 1955

Moose Home Debut Disappointing
-Erik Åkerfeldt

Eriksberg's Nolvo Stadium was packed today for the first ever football match against an international side to be played in Tranquillitis. It was not an easy task, however, as the first opponents were 3rd ranked Bedistan, who had yet to have allowed a goal in qualifying. It was a rather frigid day in Eriksberg, but that did not stop the 52 000 fans from coming out to hope their side could pull out a miracle.

The match opened up with the Bedistani side playing a number of their substitutes, in order to give them some international experience. In all, six substitutes were inserted into the starting line for Bedistan, while Tranquillitis stuck with their typical 4-4-3 style, with all usual starters.

The Moose looked pretty good at the beginning. The game's pace was rather slow, but both sides created a few chances. The stellar play of Lions' keeper Chuck Mitchell and the Moose keeper Stefan Eriksson provided for some excitement, but all in all, the entire match was slow and subdued. Mikael Andersson had two wide open paths to the net on two occasions, but Mitchell did well to keep the Bedistani clean sheet in tact. The only goal of the match came in the 41st minute as Bedistani's Darren Morlock tucked a well place shot behind Eriksson.

Even though the Moose are now 1-0-3, they are still performing better than expected. They defeated a strong Anateus Rising squad, and held their own against Halfassedstates and Bedistan. The Moose have played all four matches against the group's four best sides, so there are some serious opportunities for the Moose to pick up a win or two. The next match is again at home in Eriksberg, as Kramerica comes in after the short flight from Nikea, having drawn there with the Pandas 1-1. Both sides will be looking for their second ever victory.

The Moose 0
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 41)
31-10-2003, 04:20
Kickassers continue to romp

Gilligan Gilquest, special to the Gilmeecian Sporting Obits

Today the national football squad of Gilmeecia visited the Dragonian Empire and came away victors, 2-1. The Kickassers continue to live up to their nickname, once again applying the old instep to an opponent's hindquarters. The Dragonians were lofted through the proverbial uprights, a drop-kick field goal of football-winning gamesmanship by our beloved lads and ladies.

Goals by Gobbins at forty-eight minutes and Gilderbecke at sixty-four erased a one-nil halftime deficit, as the dastardly Dragonians did, admittedly, manage to sneak one past Gilmooster in the twenty-fourth minute. But after that, the Kickassers' fabulous defense held, allowing the daring come-from-behind asskicking to be applied forthwith.

Gilmeecia continues to stand second in qualifying Group 9, trailing leaders Total n Utter Insanity on a mystical little number called "Goal Difference."


In injury news, neck-bitten midfielder Gilgamesh McPhee was pronounced dead at 2:12 pm yesterday. However, reports today indicate that his emaciated corpse is missing from the morgue. It is unknown at this time whether his body was commandeered for experimentation by Special Forces scientists, rose from the dead in the form of a vampire or spectre, or both. It is also possible that he has been buried. Reports will follow when more details are known.
31-10-2003, 04:21


"They're 4-0-0? What's the world coming to?"
31-10-2003, 04:36
Akbarland have stormed to the top of group 2 on goal difference after a crushing 4-0 victory away at Nastic 2. Samin Akbar scored once in each half while Khaled Assad and Hamid Kabir both scored in the second half. After failing to qualify in the last cup the nation is extremely hopeful of getting through this time after such a bright start.
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 04:49


"They're 4-0-0? What's the world coming to?"
There are those in Snub Nose 38 who think Margaret is making herself a little something on the side. There have been several suspicious deposits to her bank lemsonians...
Tanah Burung
31-10-2003, 05:46
Music swells, over scenes of hot-air balloon racing, giant evil spider football, hockey and, of course, World Cup football. Cue announcer:

"Welcome to Sport Roundup, here on Babble SportsNet!"

(a voice offstage whispers: "shouldn't we change that name?")

"Shush! Welcome once again, i'm your host, Jack McMurdo.

"Our top story: Government Grovels over Graceless Insult! Yup, once again the Tanah Burung collective presidency has apologized to a gang of foreigners."

(cut to an outdoor scene, where the people's representative for sports & territorial defence is holding a news conference.)

Mau Kiri Rai: ... and to Mr Gorbag and his troupe of Uruk-hai dancers, we extend our sincerest apologies for the unwitting insult given by a sports official of this country. Let me assure Mr Gorbag that we here in Tanah Burung have been watching tape of his troupe's performance, and we find their ungainly rhythms, their refusal to be bound by the imperialist rules of classical dance, their repetitive clumping, to be utterly delightful. In fact, we would like to invite the Uruk-hai dance troupe to perform here in Tanah Burung at a time of their choosing.

(cut back to studio)

Jack: Insanity. Once again, a perfectly innocent remark by Crocodiles coach Bi Kikere has been taken out of context. But on to highlights of the Crocs' latest World Cup qualifying match against Evisceratomatoes. This one was a doozy, a fiasco, a mockery of the great name of football. Let's look at some highlights.

(cut to a gang of giant talking tomatoes, lined up while they are apparently being painted by a non-player Evisceratomato.)

Voice-over by Evisceratomatoes coach Guntur Ruak: We lost three players against Snub Nose 38 and another against Oglethorpia, through death by splattering. We are now coating the team in an impact-absorbing clear dye that will hopefully mean this match ends with no fatalities.

Jack: No such luck. Just five minutes into the match, Zachary Santos tackled an Evisceratomato forward.

(cut to the tackle. The anti-splatter paint appear to be working, but something is wrong. The Evisceratomato's face contorts in surprise. He is visibly changing colour, ripening and over-ripening and finally going rotten before our eyes, all in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, he explodes -- or starts to. The anti-splatter coating stops him from splattering outwards. Instead, he implodes. A sharp intake of breath from 50,000 fans.)

Jack: That's gotta hurt. But the question is, what happened? Evisceratomatoes are designed to go rotten only when in proximity to Snub Nose 38'ers. This one went rotten the first time a Tanah Burung citizen touched him. Why? We think we've found the answer.

(cut to a dark corner of the stadium, where a man in an overcoat is fiddling with a small electronic device, clearly labelled "E'mato frequency control." He can be heard to mutter "It isn't happening. It never happened. I am not here.")

Jack: Needless to say, the discovery that getting too close to the other team would cause explosions kept the two sides playing long-ball and otherwise avoiding each other. But that’s not the half of it. Right when it looked like we were going to end up with a scoreless draw, the scientist who created Evisceratomatoes appeared.

(cut to the stadium. Bi Ar Dee, a genetic plant specialist and rabid football fan, comes into view. She is wearing her usual outfit: a white lab coat and a chef’s hat bearing as picture of a snub nose pistol with a large red X drawn through it. She calls out to the Evisceratomatoes. They look about in confusion, some shouting “the creator” and one “shouldn’t that be creatrix?”)

Bi Ar Dee: .My children! What has become of you? What has become of us?

Evisceratomatoes gather about as she speaks.

Bi Ar Dee: Gather round, let me tell you how you were made. In a lab, I worked and worked to create you. And I succeeded. You worked perfectly. Yet I wanted more. I wanted to create life. Sentient life. So I flew to Giant Zucchini. I found a dying zucchini, and as he lay near death, I cut off part of his fleshy, succulent body, and carried it home. And there I grafted it to my still mute Evisceratomatoes, and created intelligent life. Yes, my children, it is Giant Zucchini DNA you carry within you. You are my greatest weapon, my greatest triumph.

(while this has been happening, the match has continued. Tanah Burung players mill about for a while, then realize they are essentially without competition. Team captain Rosa Bibere starts a run up the pitch and puts the ball into the empty net. the whistle blows. Time.)

Jack: Evisceratomatoes coach Ruak has entered an official protest. Good luck with that, coach. Here’s a thought: get yourself a life.

Final result:
Tanah Burung 1 Evisceratomatoes 0
(Bibere 90)
31-10-2003, 05:53
TB: Great post.

Bi Ar Dee gets lubby-dubby, distracts the Evisceratomatoes and then TB scores :wink:
31-10-2003, 05:56
Stupid b0rk3d forum pages.
31-10-2003, 05:59
Press Conference-

Reporter: So it seems your strategy on keeping the players from having sex and drinking alchahol during the qualifying rounds have proved to be just a cruel punishment, yes?

Manager Jansin: Rubbish, it's just tactical errors I bielieve. We just can't seem to get back and defend, or score goals on the other hand. Next question.

Reporter: Do you believe you can qualify?

Jansin: If we can win the next 3 games I do believe we will have a chance. We need to win the games we should, and tie the games we should loose.

Reporter: Whats your future with the team?

Jansin: Eh, not sure. If I sont get the Dragons in the final, I suppose I wont be around for too long. I love coaching, and I'm sure there are some spots in the Dragonian second divisere.

Reporter: Where do you see Dragonian football 10 years from now?

Jansin: Amongst the worlds greatest. Dragonia has started the Imperial Academy system, starting children from age 4 to play football and learn.
31-10-2003, 06:01
2-2-0 not bad, but I expected better.
31-10-2003, 06:02
IF YOU DOUBLE POST, don't delete your posts!

The forum pages are b0rk3d up -- if you delete your posts, you get "phantom" forum pages. When you click 'em, it says "no posts exist" which annoys me to no end, and other people i'm sure.
Liverpool England
31-10-2003, 06:37
Liverpool England continue winning ways - TABLE UPDATE

Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
One Red Dot (29) 4 4 0 0 8 1 7 12
Liverpool England (1) 4 2 2 0 8 5 3 8
Kaze Progressa (59) 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8
Soviet Haaregrad 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
The Belmore Family (13) 4 1 1 2 4 6 -2 4
Kegarna 4 1 1 2 3 5 -2 4
Zeronia (79) 4 0 2 2 3 6 -3 2
God Squad (42) 4 0 0 4 2 7 -5 0

-LE has never met ORD, Kegarna, Soviet Haaregrad, Zeronia, Kaze Progressa or God Squad before WC9
-The only nation in Group 1 LE has faced before is The Belmore Family (World Cup Eight Second Round, 1-0)
-LE, KP and TBF had actually put in a three-way bid to host the current Cup
-LE's current record is 2-2-0 - similar to Kaze Progressa's, however LE have a better goal-difference. When the two sides met it ended 2-2

Liverpool England Scoring Record
Dussis 4
Christopher 2p
Cannon 2

p=penalty shot

LE Scoring Ranking System
(1) Paul Dussis 4g/4m/16 points
(2) Caddy Cannon 2g/4m/8 points
(3) Howard Christopher 2gp/4m/6 points
Kaze Progressa
31-10-2003, 10:17
OOC: Maybe the reason for drawing two games is that you've only had three players performing well :D

IC: Kaze Progressa remain in position to qualify for World Cup 9. Superstar player Faiwe Irafma was interviewed for Progressa TeleSport by Garriz Entaa.

GE: Faiwe, this is your third World Cup qualifying campaign, and it's going better than the others. Can you make it through?
FI: Anything is possible now. We've drawn with the world champions in their own backyard, and they've still got to come to the Progressair Stadium which, as we proved against the Belmorians, is one hell of a fortress.
GE: But you're a Quarua Lakeside player!
FI: When the national team's playing, club rivalries mean nothing. Honestly, I saw Fayu Owa huggle Eaka Palera after the God Squad game - they're bitter enemies in club football.
GE: You have two new nations to face in your next three games. Are you afraid of these?
FI: We'll treat them like any other opponents. We were in that situation not so long ago and we found it tough, so we appreciate it's the same for them. We'll try not to destroy them by several goals - unless goal difference is likely to matter!
GE: Soviet Haaregrad raced out of the traps a bit before slipping away. Would you say you're coming to the right time to play them?
FI: It's always easier to play a side on a bit of a downer, because they have a negative image of themselves - but on the other hand, they might take their anger out on you so they become dangerous.
GE: Finally, you're 33 now. How much longer can you continue?
FI: I shall retire when the time feels right. I will probably retire from international football sooner and club football later, so I can give as much as I can to Quarua Lakeside.
31-10-2003, 10:33
Kravoli have a relativly good match
Kravli have once again suffered a defeat but this one was the closed of all their defeats and a large improvment on other matches.
Liverpool England
31-10-2003, 10:45
Retirements in the LE team:
Paul Dussis - after World Cup X (1st WC: WC6, Age then: 17, Age now: 29)
Caddy Cannon - after World Cup X Qualifying (WC6, 18, 30)
Mark Hearne - after WC9 (WC6, 23, 35)
Jim Whites [coach] - after WC9 (midway thru WC6, officially WC7, 41, 53)

Mark Hearne is expected to be the coach for the national side for World Cup 10 and World Cup 11 Qualifying - after which Paul Dussis will take control.

Liverpool England Sports Daily 31 October 2003 L£0.90

Liverpool England mourns with star striker Dussis: Orean United Chairman Fred Dussis dies of a weak heart at 63
Reporter: Peter K'fowich reporting from Orean
OREAN, Liverpool England --
The nation is grieving with the star striker Paul Dussis after his father passed away yesterday night at 11.29 pm after having a heart attack. The striker who managed to give us an exclusive interview, told this reporter, "It's pretty obvious I'm sad - [practically] the whole nation is. I've submitted a letter of leave [to the LEIFC and Jim Whites], and will not play in the match at home against The Belmore Family."
The player, who plays in TBF for Alan City, also told us that he may also miss the match against One Red Dot. "I know that those are very difficult games, but I just have to count on the rest [of the team], and just hope they make it..."
Kaze Progressa
31-10-2003, 12:22
The Kaze Progressa Football Association wish to send their condolences to the family and friends of Fred Dussis following his recent death.

We hope to see Paul Dussis in action soon for the Liverpool England side.
31-10-2003, 14:49
'Game of the Day' theme fades...

GL - Hello and welcome to the program. As we head into game 4 in the qualification round for WC9, Halfassed is sitting with a very average P3 W1 D1 L1 record. With games against the other top seeds in the group still to come, Halfassed really need to win this one tonight against Endray-Island.
Jarvis Smith has changed his starting formation from his favoured 4-4-2 to the more usual Halfassed 3-4-3 line-up. Bob Franis is the defender to lose out, with Justin Time joining the strikers.
It is strongly rumoured that Nea Hope is planning to announce his re-tirement from international football after a fall out with Jarvis over his tactics in the last match. More on that when we get it, but for now let head over to our commentators Big Run and John Burns.

------- Cuts to commentatry ------
2 mins in -
JB - And Halfassed off to a flyer here so far, already the home keeper has made a couple of great stops from Gunnet, here come Halfassed again though, through Bundy, he jinks past one and gets to the by-line and fires the ball across the goal mouth. Everyones missed it, NO theres Justin Time at the back post, and hes scored! His first ever touch in World Cup football and he scores. Unbelieveable!!

BR - Amazing John, but he isn't getting up, he slid in and collided with that post at a h3ll of a rate!

JB - This could be tragic for the youngster, hes being carried off the park, and Halfassed are making the substitution straight away - his twin brother Mark is coming on.

BR - It's never a good sign when the substitution is made that quick - usually they check the player out first.

JB - Yes Run, they're also putting sand round the base of the post - must have been a lot of blood there!

---- subdued commentatry continues ----
Half-time 1-0

BR - Well 1 up at the half, but the news of Justin Time really subdued this game.

JB - Yes Run, Justin's situation is rated as critical, it has become obvious to us now that as he slid in to score, Justin slammed into the post, which caught him across the chest and face. It is reported that he has 4 broken ribs, a collapsed lung and several broken teeth.

BR - I would doubt very much if we will see his brother back for the second half! That would mean a likely debut for George Doors, considering the anamosity that there is between Smith and Hope.

JB - Three debuts, in one game, that could be a record for an established team in the WC.

---- 2nd Half commentry -----

JB - Great stop by O'Malley, simply unbelieveable.

BR - 10 minutes left, and once again Halfassed are struggling to kill off a team that they should have been well ahead of by now!

JB - They have another chance here, Bundy off down the right again, he pulls it back for Lecter. Lecter takes a touch and crosses to the back post, Gunnet has pulled away from his man, and its there!!!!!! A bullet header from Gunnet may have finally sealed the points here tonight for Halfassed. 2-0

BR - Beautiful move there - and this time the finish was there as well. Cracking work by Gunnet, he had been shackled well all night, but stuck at it and finally got the spaced he needed!

--- Nothing much else happens ----- back to the studio ---

GL - Well a night of mixed emotions for Halfassed there.
The win that we needed was claimed eventually.
There was a brilliant introduction to international football for Justin Time, scoring with his first touch after just 2 minutes of the match, unfortunatly it was his only touch, he is now in hospital with numerous injuries after colliding with the post in scoring. His condition is now reported as critical but stable by doctors on Endray-Island.
The injury also helped us see how much of a division there is between Jarvis Smith and striker Nea Hope, 3 strikers given debuts, while Hope remained on the bench - Will Hope still be with the squad for the next game??
And we will finish on an up, the form of young star, Alf Gunnet, would continued his scoring record, taking it to four in four games.

Its all we've got time for the now folks, good night!

'Game of the Day' theme plays us out with highlights of the match!
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 15:07
*we are in the screening room of the snub nose 38 hooligans managers' office in "38 special" stadium. ben dover, "acting" manager, comes in carrying a bag of chinese take-out, and walks over to the closet door. on the wall near the door is what appears to be a medicine cabinet. strange, it wasn't there last time we were in here - and there's a large medicine cabiner right over there. ben takes a key out of his pocket, unlocks the small medicine cabinet, and opens it. odd - it's empty, and appears to be about 1/2 meter deep. ben places the chinese take-out in the "medicine cabinet", then closes and locks the cabinet door. he flips the light switch - wait, the light switch is over by the entrance door - what the...? we hear the muffled sound of machinery, and what sounds like something slidding. then we hear*

- Damn you, Ben! You can't keep us locked up in here forever!
- That remains to be seen, Sal.
- Come on, Ben. Just open the flippin' door and let us out, please?
- Sorry, Sally. I just can't do that.
- Chinese take-out again?
- I was in a hurry, and the Chinese place is right on the way here, Ivan. I'll getcha something else for dinner.
- Ben...dammit, Ben...listen, somebody's going to notice we're missing, and...
- Somebody already has. The Remington County Sheriff has a search party out. Oddly enough, the "search party" consists of one trainee. See, the Sheriff likes her football - and her hooligans - who won yesterday.
- Benjamin, honey, pul-e-ase let me out. I won't tell the Sheriff. I don't even know the Sheriff.
- Can't take the chance, Sally. Listen, I'm expecting some company, so as much as I'm enjoying this, gotta go. We'll talk more over dinner.
- Ben! Dammit! Damn you! Ben!! Come on, B-

*ben has flipped the "light switch" again. we hear the slidding sound of the inner "medicine cabinet" door closing, and sal manela is cut off in mid sentence by the sound proof wall. ben goes over to the tv-vcr combination, slips a tape in, and picks up the remote. he walks past the desk, picks up a copy of scuttlebutt that happens to be there, and takes a seat in the front row. he reads - it says that fred dussis, past football star of liverpool england and chairman of orean united, has died. ben is very sorry to find this out - fred was a good guy. the world is a little poorer for his passing. after a few minutes, there's a knock on the door*

- It's open. Come on in.

*the door opens, and eileen dover ushers in margaret, and the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister sits two seats over from ben. eileen takes a seat in the second row. margaret does not sit, but paces back and forth behind the last row of seats*

- Hi.
- Ack! Jack, you have got to stop doing that!
- Um, sorry, Margaret. Force of habit.

*we did not see the minister of super secret sleuthery come in with the others. in fact, we did not see him come in at all. but there he is. that's really got to be annoying.*

- We're all here, then, Eileen?
- Ah - one, two, three, four, and me - yup, that's everybody Ben.
- Right. So. Jack, I know you told me over the phone, but just so we're all on the same sheet of music - what did Onestone tell you?
- At 9:18 this morning Doctor Albert Onestone, Chief Academician of the Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science, contacted me by telephone. He brushed aside the usual pleasantries, and informed me...
- Jack, cut the "spook talk", and just tell us what he told you. You don't need to impress us - you lost that battle way back in kindergarten.
- Yeah, well, uh, Albert told me that an "Empam" is missing. And not just any "Empam", but one of the ones they were working with to try changing the personal aura of Evisceratomatoes. Or should that be the "vegetal" aura?
- Missing? Exactly what does that mean?
- Missing as in "Jack-we-spent-hours-looking-all-over-the-place-and-can't-find-it-we-think-it's-been-stolen" missing, Margaret.
- Well, that would explain the Babble SportsNet tape.
- Yes, Eileen, but it doesn't explain who took it. Or why.
- Jack, did Albert find a, like a, um, ransom note kind of thingy?
- Who invited him? No, Minister, he didn't find a note of any kind. It's doesn't seem to be ransom, or blackmail.
- that all we know, Jack?
- That's all we know, Eileen.
- Everybody sit down. I want to review the tape together. Maybe we can find something there.
- I've looked at that tape at least 15 times, Ben, and haven't found anything.
- But this time we're going to look at it together, Jack.

*ben points the remote at the tv-vcr, and pushes the "play" button. on screen we see a clip of tape from the tanah burung babble sportsnets' "sport roundup" program that recently aired*

* "cut to a dark corner of the stadium, where a man in an overcoat is fiddling with a small electronic device, clearly labelled "E'mato frequency control." He can be heard to mutter "It isn't happening. It never happened. I am not here." "*

- Anything?

*a chorus of "nope", "no", "not me", "what?". ben plays the tape again. and again. and again.*

- Nobody recognizes the little S.O.B., then? Who the...
- Nobody in the entire Super Secret Sleuthery ministry recognizes him. And we know everybody. I've got every agent we have in Tanah Burung on this. And most of our agents in region, in case he's already slipped over the border. But nobody's spotted him yet.
- What are they gonna do if they do spot him, Jack?
- Take back that "Empam", Margaret. Then, if they can, drag his sorry butt back here for a little "questioning".
- Questioning?
- Really, Margaret, why did you bring him along?
- He's the minister, Jack.
- Does anybody know why the little creep say that stuff about "isn't happening, i'm not here"?
- Uh, yes, Eileen, we think we know why. The, well, the sort of "motto" of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery is It didn't happen. It will never happen. It isn't happening now. We think he thinks he knows the motto, and is using it to make anyone who notices him think he works for me.
- You have a motto?
- Again, I ask - Who brought him, and why? Yes, we have a motto. Sometimes, it's got periods between the phrases, sometimes commas - depends. Most of our in-house agents use the periods, most of our field agents use the commas.
- So, that's it, then? Okay, well, keep us in the loop, Jack. We're gonna be out there for 10 more matches at least, with that loon on the loose.
- I'll let you know whatever we find - that I can let you know, Ben.
- There's the "spook talk" again. Fine, Jack, fine.
- Ah, there is one other thing, though.
- What other thing, Jack?
- Well, we don't think it's connected to that "Empam", but the Minister of Transportation, Shipping, and Potato Chips got a call from Runaway Moose this morning requesting aid and assistance. It seems the Runaway Moose Alces Rex transport has broken down on the way to their next match. From what T,S and PC tells us, we're the closest friendly nation. They're dispatching some specialists to see what they can do.
- You're right. That doesn't seem to have anything to do with the stolen "Empam".
- I know. It just seemed like something I should tell you.

*margaret takes the minister of athletics, olympics and alcoholic beverages by the hand and leads him out of the room. we look around for jack. we know he's here someplace. but, he isn't. that is becoming annoying. ben and eileen look at each other.*

- We're winning, Eileen.
- You're crazy, Ben.
- So?
- Nothing. What's on for tomorrow?
- Oglethorpia. In Oglethorpia.

*we take our leave. no, not leaf - leave - you know - we go away*
Total n Utter Insanity
31-10-2003, 15:29
I bet you never thought you would see me again! This is Mac McMuck for Total n Utter Independence TV. After our last broadcast the government started jamming certain frequencies and we were unable to transmit any more results. Luckily we found one to bring you this quick update on how well the TnUI team are doing in World Cup Nine, and they are doing very well. Currently they have the best record out of 80 teams! This may be because they haven't played any good teams yet, but it stands them in good stead for later on. No highlights of the TnUI vs TDE match, all we know is TnUI won two nil. Security has been tightened around all home games, but don't worry, we managed to get footage from both away games at Auir II and Morawny. Both these teams have just started their international campaigns and so were easy pickings for an experienced, if very underfunded, TnUI side. TnUI taking the ball down the wing again, crosses seem to give TnUI the majority of their goals, hand ball! The ref is pointing to the spot. Everything is quiet, the ball is struck with some power, the keeper dives to the left, the ball flies to the top right hand corner and it’s in, one nil. TnUI take the ball down field again, they have had 6 or 7 good chances in the last half an hour since the penalty. Its 3 on 5, he can pass out to either wing, dummies to the left, fools the defender; he's taking a shot from 40 yards out. Unstoppable! The final score then Auir II 0 TnUI 2. Now over to the Morawny game...quickly. It's been locked at nil nil for the last 70 odd minutes, TnUI have had their chances, but have been unable to make them count. Another flashy run down the wing, in comes the cross. Oh, that’s gotta hurt. A Morawny defender just deflected it into the goal, not that TnUI mind...We have to cut this transmission now!
31-10-2003, 15:40
News Report from CMB
In response to the first ever victory by the People's Republic of CallMeBernard in the WC, the streets filled with joy.
The team have become national heroes, including Shoddy Bob, who crossed for the winning goal despite falling over onto his @rse.
Majestically taken by the centre forward Bob Tastic! it sealed our first ever win.
Although the heady atmosphere is now craving more wins, most objective pundits realise that as this the first ever WC for CMB more wins are less likely and that the team should just enjoy the day.

Their team manager, 'Big Cheese Bob', was today unavailable for comment as he was back in the training ground, running through the team's preparations for the next game.
Total n Utter Insanity
31-10-2003, 15:45
Ogle Post.
Antaeus Rising
31-10-2003, 15:48
In sports news AR finally managed to win another match, after two two-one defeats, by, ironically, two-one. Captain Kelly Slater managed to score the winning goal. Odds have tightened that in their next match (against Nikea) the score will end 2-1, probably to Nikea.

In other news the sheepcow controversy continues, with many stating that breeding them together is/was impossible. A leading scientist on the project had this to say: "Anything's possible."

That's all from the 6 o'clock team; we'll see you at 10. Have a good evening.
31-10-2003, 15:55
The Maracaibo Post

Oglethorpia moves up to 2nd in group 8!
Oglethorpian win over the Wildthings Realm moves Oglethorpia to 2nd in group 8

The Oglethorpian World Cup-squad, led by coach Picciotto and team captain Green would face the Wildthings Realm on matchday four, off their first victory of qualifying against the Evisceratomatoes; the entire squad preformed nearly-flawlessly.

Kirk Calhoun and Jorge White would send the ball down the field, setting up Torrence Black for a short kick into the goal -- Oglethorpia up one, only 14 minutes into the match. Oglethorpia would strike again late in the first half, Jorge White's first shot on goal saved by the Wildthing Realm's keeper; unfortunately, he missed the ball on his "save," leaving Kirk Calhoun open to knock in a goal with only a small kick in the 43rd.

Early on in the second half, Yamamoto-san in goal would fail; but the kick that soared into the corner of the goal past Ken'Ichi's hands was too little too late. Only a few minutes later, Torrence Black would score his second goal, a long kick downfield into the goal.

With the win over the Wildthings Realm, 3-1 Oglethorpia moves into second place in group 8.

"It's good to have rebounded off the draw and loss on matchday 1 and 2," coach Guy Picciotto commented.

"I kicked ass," striker Torrence Black beamed over his two goals.

"Now we're in 2nd place in group 8; as long as we play our best the remaining matchdays, we should be sitting in good position to qualify. It's all about making the goals when they count, and we did that today," said team captain and midfielder Fernando Green.

More on the Oglethorpian squad as it comes. Good luck to 'em on matchday 5.
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 16:08
The Maracaibo Post
...blah, blah, blah, stuff about guys with colors for names, blah, blah, blah.
More on the Oglethorpian squad as it comes. Hope they lose to the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans on matchday 5.
Edited for what we hope is realism.
*once again we find ourselves in the basement offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. there's the minister, sitting on the folding chair behind his "desk" (it's really just an old table), enjoying an alcoholic beverage - yup, a "38 special". and over there by the closet door, leaning over what is apparently a make-shift altar, is margaret. she's in her burgundy robe and midnight blue hooded cape, waving around her rubber chicken and her leather pouch with the two eagle feathers tied to it by a silver string. and it sounds like she's reciting an incantation of some kind. we listen closely*

"Accept, Oh Random Number Gods, the humble sacrifice we offer.
Grant us, Oh Random Number Gods, the victory we beg you for.
Grant glorious victory to our noble Hooligans.
Deliver ignoble defeat to our enemy, Oglethorpia.
We beseech thee, Oh Random Number Gods, hear us.
We offer up this chicken as a sign of our gratitude.
We offer up this chicken as a token of our devotion.
We offer up this chicken as a symbol of supplication and sacrifice.
Grant us VICTORY. Deliver our enemy, Oglethorpia, to DEFEAT."

- How long are you going to keep up that babble, Margaret?
- Good! Interupt me! Just what we need, an interupted sacrificial supplication to the random number gods. That'll impress 'em!
- Oh...sorry.
- Look, chum, why don't you go out and pick us up something for dinner, hmmm?
- Okie dokie. Waddaya want?
- Pizza? With pepperoni and mushrooms?
- Okie dokie.
- And, while your out, see if you can't find that REAL chicken I asked you to bring me the other day.
- Real chick...oh...I forgot.
- I know you forgot. Because I don't have a real chicken, and I'm still using this dilapidated rubber model. This always works better with a REAL chicken, ya know.
- But, a smelly old chicken in the office?
- It doesn't have to be alive. Just real.
- Oh...well, then...I guess I could get you one.
- If I were you, and I didn't get me a real chicken, I don't think I'd come back here.
- You don't think you' mean...
- That, old buddy, is exactly what I mean.
- Pepperoni and mushrooms?
- What?
- On the pizza. Pepperoni and mushrooms.
- Yup.
- I'll be right back.

*the minister stands up, and spills his beer. since there wasn't much left in the can, it only takes him a few seconds to wipe it up. he's getting pretty good at wiping up the beer he spills. then, he takes his jacket off the nail by the door, and goes out.*

"Accept, Oh Random Number Gods, the humble sacrifice we offer.
Grant us, Oh Random Number Gods, the victory we beg you for.
Grant glorious victory to our noble Hooligans.
Deliver ignoble defeat to our enemy, Oglethorpia.
We beseech thee, Oh Random Number Gods, hear us.
We offer up this chicken as a sign of our gratitude.
We offer up this chicken as a token of our devotion.
We offer up this chicken as a symbol of supplication and sacrifice.
Grant us VICTORY. Deliver our enemy, Oglethorpia, to DEFEAT.
And, if it isn't too much trouble, stick a brain in his head, okay?"
31-10-2003, 18:32
*We are in the Halfassed states Secret Service HQ. General McDoogle is 'interviewing' one of the field agents who has recently returned from SN38*

- So what did you find out about 'Margaret' then?
-Well we did eventually find her living and working out of a battered old marque tent thing.
- Yes and what about the mission?
- Well i'm afraid to say that we failed to kidnap her sir.
- Why?
- Well she was being guarded by some of their secret service sir and as we were told to avoid causing an international incident by injuring any SN38 citizen sir, we pulled out.
- Did you find out anything about her 'proceedures' - how does she help the SN38 football team?
- Well the bug we planted did catch some sort of incantation that she was chanting, but it was muffled, and we couldn't improve the quality of the sound, there may have been some kind of electronical blocking devise in the room.
- Are you sure you installed the bug correctly?
- YES Sir
- Yes sir ... at least i think i did!
- While we're on this track, how did you realise that SN38 agents were watching you?
- Well I recognised a guy I had been chatting to in the pub on Saturday night, and then I bumped into him again at the press conference Margaret gave. Then I caught a glimpse of him diving for cover in the street when i doubled back the other day!
- What were you doing in the pub?
- Eh? - Oh I was trying to get some information on Margaret's where abouts, and I got chatting to this guy about the football.
-The same guy you clocked later on yes?
- Yep thats the one!
- So you started asking someone from the SN38 secret service about the where abouts of one of their governments ministers aides!!!!???!?!???!
- Hmmmmm when you say it like that - yep
- for (beeps) sake what are you some kind of Gilmeecian?? Just get out of here before i have you courtmarshalled.
31-10-2003, 19:09
(cut to an outdoor scene, where the people's representative for sports & territorial defence is holding a news conference.)

Mau Kiri Rai: ... and to Mr Gorbag and his troupe of Uruk-hai dancers, we extend our sincerest apologies for the unwitting insult given by a sports official of this country. Let me assure Mr Gorbag that we here in Tanah Burung have been watching tape of his troupe's performance, and we find their ungainly rhythms, their refusal to be bound by the imperialist rules of classical dance, their repetitive clumping, to be utterly delightful. In fact, we would like to invite the Uruk-hai dance troupe to perform here in Tanah Burung at a time of their choosing.

To: The Honourable Mau Kiri Rai
People’s Representative for Sports and Territorial Defense
Matebian, Rai Democrata Tanah Burung

From: Ufhur the Hated
Minister for Sport
New Orthanc, Empire of Warnocks Wizards

Re: The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe

Greetings, Honourable Mau Kiri Rai. On behalf of the government of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards, the Uruk’Hai Anti-Defamation League, and The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe, I would like to personally thank you for your heartfelt and sincere apology for the ill-stated remarks of Tanah Burung national football coach Bi Kikere following the World Cup qualifier between our two peaceful nations. I have spoken privately with Mr. Gorbag and he is also pleased with your remarks and would like to take you up on your kind offer of inviting his dance troupe to your beautiful country. As our two nations are scheduled to meet in Tanah Burung for World Cup qualifying on matchday ten, may I humbly request that the dance troupe perform during halftime at that match? I can think of no better way of extending the hand of friendship of our nation than having the Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe perform in your esteemed democratic states. Once again, I thank you for your fine offer. Sincerely,

Ufhur the Hated
Minister for Sport
Empire of Warnocks Wizards
One Red Dot
31-10-2003, 20:34
OOC: I won't be able to RP from 8 Nov to 28 Nov because of exams. stupid exams. Also, I've been quite busy lately so I was away for 4 matchdays. So here's a quick RP


The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition

ORD Unstopable in Qualifying Rounds

One Red Dot has been performing extremely well for the past four days and yielding extremely good results.

ORD has been placed in Group 1, along with WC8 champion Liverpool England, The Belmore Family, God Squad, Kaze Progressa and Zeronia and newcomers Zeronia and Soviet Haaregrad. So far, ORD has not played against any of these teams, so it will be difficult to perform any predictions just of yet.

On Day 1, ORD met newcomers Kegarna, defeating them 2-0 at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium. Gary Whiteman scored both goals, giving Kegarna a debut loss.
On Day 2, ORD played against Zeronia. Komoko Goharu scored a goal in the first half and Gary Whiteman complemented Goharu's goal with one of his own, bringing the final score to 2-0.
Good luck flowed into Day 3 when ORD faced God Squad. Arnold Marks and Komoko Goharu each scored a goal, leaving the final score at 2-0 yet again.
Stanley Matthews, however, let in the first ORD goal on Day 4 when ORD was up against Kegarna (OOC: again? I don't know why...I'm just following the scores given by Ravenspire). Komoko Goharu scored another goal for the Dottians but the Kegarnian side was quick to spot a loophole in the otherwise tight defence and took the opprtunity to score a goal of their own. It was a bitter fight to break the tie until Gary Whiteman scored at the 80th minute. The whistle blew and the score stayed at 2-1.

At the moment, ORD stays safe at the top of the table

[code:1:e04dac9db0]Group 1, Day 4 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
29 One Red Dot 4 4 0 0 8 1 7 12
01 Liverpool England 4 2 2 0 8 5 3 8
59 Kaze Progressa 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8
Soviet Haaregrad 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
13 The Belmore Family 4 1 1 2 4 6 -2 4
Kegarna 4 1 1 2 3 5 -2 4
79 Zeronia 4 0 2 2 3 6 -3 2
42 God Squad 4 0 0 4 2 7 -5 0[/code:1:e04dac9db0]

ORD World Cup Record:
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 4

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 4
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 0
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 8
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 2.00
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 1
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 0.25
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +7
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.23 1.75

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 66

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 36
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 13
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 17

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 118
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.79
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 71
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.08
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +47
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.65 0.71

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 91.38 70.57
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16 29

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:e04dac9db0]
The Belmore Family
31-10-2003, 21:07
This is a joint post from a Belmorian Newspaper but the bottom bit is for BES
Belmore's first WC9 win
TBF recorded a win against a team, with a name along the lines of Soviet Haaringrad. The reson we can not bring you their correct name is that it was too long a name for the Belmorian scoreboard to handle! However Alan Belmore ran rings around them, demolishing them 2-0 with 2 fantastic goals, the first came only after 3 minutes of play, Alan Belmore took on 5 defenders, beating them easily to fire a shot high into the top left hand corner of the goal. Goal number 2 came after another 75 minutes of solid Belmorian possesion with Alan Belmore scoring a stunner from a free kick. The curl took it round the keeper and secured a 2-0 victory, silencing the manager's (also named Alan Belmore) critics.

The Belmore Family 2
Alan Belmore(3, 78)
Long-hard-to-spell-nation 0

Belmore blaim bad form on Prime Ministers Absence
TBF's repeated losses have been blaimed on the PMs absence. The team is said to be too busy at looking at what he is up to instead of playing Football. The Prime Minister has, however send a message to everyone on the team for their ouitsanding victory yesterday.
OOC:Yes this is me saying this whole RP idea sucks if you are going on holiday.

2 points for Belmorian Scandinavia
Belmorian Scandinavia are celebrating 2 points from 4 games in their first World Cup. They knew it was going to be a hard tournament, with their nation being the smallest that is taking part. Aiden Belmore did the nation proud with his goal against former winners Dennisov securing an amazing draw. They have however just recently lost 2-0 to Kingsford but are looking up for ther next match.
31-10-2003, 21:25
Matchday 5 results ( and tables are up. Group 1's are provisional; see the scores thread, especially if you're in that group. Either I'm going insane, or hosting causes Heisenbugs to pop up.
Runaway Moose
31-10-2003, 21:26
Nif Knocked in Offshore, Cannon Comforts

Yesterday's match against Offshore got a bit violent after Runaway Moose scored their second goal of the match within the first 22 minutes.
The first goal of the game was a brilliant shot in the 10th from the right side by Tinesta, coming off a drop from Nina. Beast would make her first statement of the game 12 minutes later, assisted by Tinesta.
A mere 2 minutes after the second goal, Nif had a breakaway on a switch play. The Offshore defender sprinted back, but couldn't come up with a clean tackle, so he slid from behind. He managed to get the ball a bit, which was the saving grace by which he only saw yellow, and not red. Nif however, has reportedly sprained her ankle. She had to be helped off the field and was taken to hospital, where her fiance and Liverpool England captain Caddy Cannon met her as soon as he was able. The team's official release to the press is that she should be back after a two game break, and that this will in no way affect the upcoming wedding plans. In fact, teams should be made soon (OOC: once LE and I figure out how we're breaking it down, and I have a spare moment).
Offshore managed to get one by Pettle, who saw her first WC9 qualifier play today, during the first minute of extra time before the half, but she held them off the rest of the match.
The final goal was another by Beast, assisted by L. Moz in the 76th. No further penalties were issued.
Runaway Moose
31-10-2003, 21:26
Double your pleasure, double your fun...
31-10-2003, 21:30
"Greetingngs to all. I am Mike Knight with INN-S. Beside Me is Coach Erik Sanders. The coach of the Clearwater Braves. Coach how do You feel about the showing of the team so far?" "Well, I am not supper pleased, but We are new to this so I do not think I can exspect more. A 1-2-1 record is fairly good. Of course We will be doing a lot more practice, starting now. So Mike I am going to have to cut this short mabey We can finish this later." Mike looks back to the camera. "Well, This is Mike Knight, for INN-S. Good night."
The Belmore Family
31-10-2003, 21:55
Belmore secure win
The Belmore Family put on a convincing display against Zeronia with 2 goals from Alan Belmore brining his tally to 6 goals in the qualification so far. Both goals came rather easily, the first after the goalkeeper puched the ball rather comically into Alan. The second came from a glancing header from a corner, in which the ball flew off the post into the goal.

Alan Belmore (42, 64)
Zeronia 0
Snub Nose 38
31-10-2003, 23:22
*we find ourselves in the offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. no, not the basement offices – 2 wins in a row for the hooligans, and pulling up to second place in group 8, have somehow translated into an office upgrade for the minister. go figure. and, there’s some really nice furniture in here. well, we’ll just wait and see how long this lasts. Margaret comes out of the inner office into the outer office, where the minister is seated behind his desk with his customary “38 special”*

- See today’s results?
- The Hooligans, you mean, Margaret? Yes, they won, didn’t they.
- You betcha! See, all it took was a real chicken.
- By George, I think she’s got it.
- What?
- A theatrical reference, Margaret. A line from a musical - “My Fair Lady”, based on George Bernard Shaws’ “Pygmalion”.
- …oh…er…oh…
- Just as you’ve discovered my lack of knowledge or experience in football, I believe I’ve discovered your Achilles heal – culture.
- I am not a heal, and I resent that you would…
- No, of course not. That isn’t what that means. You see, Achilles was a greek hero whose mother, at the suggestion of one of the gods, dipped him in a certain pool of water that made him totally invulnerable – except that she held him by his heal, so…
- Shut up.
- Margaret, you are insufferably rude.
- How is it that I came in here to thank you for getting me a flippin’ real chicken, and I wind up furious at you as usual, and feeling insulted to boot?
- Just lucky, I guess.
Scuttlebutt – Evening Edition

Hooligans Have Hope – Oddly Overpower Ogly
Oglethorpia Mike Easter, aspn wire

For their fifth Qualification Match for World Cup 9 the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans traveled here to Oglethorpia. It turns out to be quite a lovely country, beautiful scenery really. And the Hooligans will happily take a win home with them.

“Acting” Manager Ben Dover held a final but short practice for the lads last night. Just a walk through, as “Acting” Defensive Coach Eileen Dover put it.

“Gonna let ‘em sleep in tomorrow,” Ben said to this reporter, “So they’ll be real rested. It’s gonna be a tough match. Oglethorpia does not go down easily.”

So the side arrived here today well rested and ready. They seemed quite loose and relaxed as they climbed off the bus and filed into the stadium. And it appears to have paid off. The match was only three minutes old when Oglethorpian defender Bruce Corwin slipped and fell while trying to make a tight turn to keep between his goal and Hooligan forward Tank. Stepping around Corwin, Tank struck the ball forcefully and watched it go far post and in just out of the reach of keeper Ken’Ichi Yamamoto.

Just as Ben Dover said, however, Oglethorpia did not go down easily. The got the equalizer in the 11th minute. Mike Brown, who is not a reporter, lofted the ball from inside his own 18 yard box to his teammate Floyd Black at about the midfield stripe. Floyd took the ball straight down the middle of the Hooligan defense, drawing all three Hooligans on the back line towards him, and then coolly slipped the ball to Oglethorpian forward Kirk Calhoun, who one on one against keeper Pancake had little trouble putting it in the net.

The rest of the first half was exciting, rough and ready football, but that was the extent of the scoring before half time.

And, speaking of half time…well, we all know what happens at half time of a Snub Nose 38 Hooligans match. We had some hope that it might be avoided this time, as the Department of the Interior and Exterior of Snub Nose 38 refused to issue visas to the Hooligan Cheerleaders to travel to Oglethorpia. It turns out that the cheerleaders are…well one could use the phrase “multi-talented”. They quite handily stowed away on a tramp steamer that got them to Oglethorpia just in time. As a matter of fact, they ran directly from the bus that dropped them here through the parking lot into the stadium and onto the pitch before anyone had a chance to – um, dissuade them from performing. So, to our everlasting dismay…they – performed. The “cheer” went something like this:

“Snub, Horrah, Nose, Horray,
38 Hooligans – Special today
Ogly Boogly Thorpia Borpia
After this match they’re gonna need morphia
BOO!! on Ogly!!”

And then they ran back off the pitch, out of the stadium, through the parking lot and onto the bus – being chased and pelted all the way by irate fans, Oglethorpian and Snub Nose Thirtyeightian alike. Afterwards the grounds crew picked up 13 bushels of a variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as four wrenches, three chamber pots, a couple of empty milk cartons, a rope, half a childs’ rocking horse, and two stray cats. The Hooligan Cheerleaders haven’t been seen since their bus pulled away from the stadium parking lot, according to Oglethorpian authorities, who have an organized man-hunt underway.

The second half was, if anything, more exciting than the first. The Hooligans’ forward Malicious chipped Oglethorpian keeper Yamamoto in the 75th minute, making the score 2-1 in favor of the Hooligans. But Oglethorpian footballers do not yield, and equalized again in the 86th minute, on a free kick from about 25 yards out by Captain Francisco Green. The free kick resulted from a foul on Jorge White by Hooligan defender Tranquility. Tranquility received a yellow from the referee for his efforts, and it being his second of the match, was sent off.

You wouldn’t have known the Hooligans were down a man by the way they played the rest of the match. This reporter thinks Oglethorpia let down just a little, counting on the man advantage, and that is what allowed Snub Nose 38 to put another one in the net in the 88th minute. Knuckles did the honors, on an assist from substitute midfielder Bevis. And, 5 minutes later when the final whistle sounded, that’s where the score stood. OGLETHORPIA 2, SNUB NOSE 38 3. At the end of the 5th day of qualifying matches, here is how Group 8 stands.

# Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
4 Tanah Burung (39) 5 4 1 0 8 3 5 13
2 Snub Nose 38 (20) 5 3 1 1 11 7 4 10
1 Oglethorpia (10) 5 2 1 2 11 8 3 7
5 Hell Bovines (65) 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
6 Warnocks Wizards (77) 5 2 1 2 5 7 -2 7
3 Demonic Beings (31) 5 2 0 3 6 6 0 6
7 Evisceratomatoes 5 2 0 3 4 7 -3 6
8 Wildthings Realm 5 0 1 4 5 10 -5 1[/code:1:6e6af19cfc]
Tanah Burung
31-10-2003, 23:52

Appropriately enough, Tanah Burung's football team spent Hallowe'en away at Demonic Beings. "It was a blessing, really," said coach Bi Kikere. "My team's a superstitous bunch, and tend to be easiuly frightened by demons. But seeing as how it was Hallowe'en, they just assumed the Demonic Beings were ordinary people dressed as Demonic Beings, and proceeded to play up to their full potential."

The Crocs regained the composure they lost in their last match against Evisceratomatoes by scoring the first goal early on, with Zachary Santos converting a cross from Rosa Bibere. Santos was also blamed for the equalizer, a free kick after he fouled one of the Beings. It was left to Yosepha Syahrir to put in the winner early in the second half, chipping in the ball after a scramble for possession close to the Beings' goal. Tanah Burung remains in top spot in Group 8, with a three-point cushion over second-place Snub Nose 38.

In other news, it has been annoucned that the half-time entertainment at the Crocs' upcoming home match against Warnocks Wizrds will eb provided by a dance troupe of Uruk'hai. "Uruk why?" asked Bi Kikere. "Oh, what the hell, i'm sure they'll be a huge hit."

Demonic Beings 1 Tanah Burung 2
(Santos 8, Syahrir 50)
31-10-2003, 23:52
(OOC: I know I promised a better one today, but I was on the road so I would have to assume too many things. I also have a really good idea for the next game with Halfassedstates.)

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Stall Again
Play to Second Straight Draw
by Markenin Markenel

ANATEUS RISING(NP) - While today's game was more exciting than the last match with Kramerica, the Pandas once again drew, this time with Anateus Rising, 2-2. It was unfortunate for the Pandas, as a Bedistani loss provided a jump into the early Group 3 lead, but had to scrap even for a single point.

The match started out quite slow, with the game being played mostly between the midfielders. Nikean defender Aleksei Strekiov was quite bored in his spot as centre back, and held a conversation with Nikean keeper Jeserin Renteritel, back from his two game rest on the bench. The conversation must have been good, as it kept the two occupied for at least twenty minutes, before a promising attack by the Anateus Rising squad, which turned out to be a false alarm.

The conversation was so enrapturing that it resulted in the first goal of the match. An Anateus Rising forward lobbed the ball forward, and Renteritel noticed only at the last minute that a loose ball was coming, and that Aleksei should probably clear it. Strekiov turned around, only to knock the ball backwards over Renteritel's head and into the cage for an own-goal. Strekiov's further use of Russian curses earned a yellow card from the official from The Belmore Family, as he wanted to enforce the use of languages understood by all players. This was not the first time Strekiov's use of Russian had got him into a bit of a mess. He received a yellow in the Frosty Invitational final for uttering a Russian phrase, and then was shown the red after insulting the Hell Bovines' official. He seemed to learn his lesson, as he kept quiet following his caution.

The Pandas looked to equalize before the end of the half, but it was a useless endevour as they did not get the ball past the Anateus midfield. They went into the half down a goal, with their offence looking lackluster.

Manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel must have inspired his players during the break, as they came out firing but had little success, due to the wonderful play of the Anateus keeper. Anateus added to their lead in the 51st minute following a nifty run up the side, ending in a cross and a header into the back of the net, past Renteritel.

The Pandas looked defeated, but a strange play, which can only be attributed to the match falling on Halloween, brought them some hope. With Turinnen Mortethel on the sidelines receiving treatment for a poked eye, Akitomo Sakai smashed a corner kick far too high, way over the heads of the Nikeans in the box. Suddenly, a loud "SQUAK!!" was heard, and the ball quickly turned and dove down, past the surprised Anateus keeper into the net. A large hawk also fell to the ground, very quickly and very dead. The official thought for a second, and after consulting the rules handbook published by the Committee who Oversee the League of Officials and Related Individuals in Striped Shirts who Regulate and Enforce the Rules of Football (or the ComOLORISSRERF), he decided that there was no rule disallowing goals that deflected off winged creatures, and allowed the goal to stand. The goal was officially credited not to Sakai, but to the hawk, who took the place of Mortethel on the sidelines as the Nikean's 11th player.

This breathed life into the Pandas, who struck again five minutes later when Jerinen Istertel managed to put a low strike through the legs of the Anateus keeper. When the whistle blew shortly after, Nikea had scrounged a point out of a tough away match. Now they must return home to face a revitalized Halfassedstates squad, who defeated a previously unscored upon Bedistan 1-0 today. In other results, Endray-Island defeated Zinkoland 3-1, and Tranquillitis knocked off Kramerica 2-1. With the Bedistani loss, Nikea is now the only undefeated team in the group, yet is still a point behind Bedistan, and a point ahead of Halfassedstates.

Anateus Rising 2 (<player> 32, <player> 51)
Nikea 2 (Unfortunate hawk 83, Istertel 87)


Match Schedule

Nikea v. Tranquillitis W 2-0
Nikea v. #54 Endray-Island W 2-1
#87 Zinkoland v. Nikea W 2-1
-Kramerica- v. Nikea D 1-1
#26 Anateus Rising v. Nikea D 2-2
Nikea v. #13 Halfassedstates
Nikea v. #3 Bedistan
Tranquillitis v. Nikea
#54 Endray-Island v. Nikea
Nikea v. #87 Zinkoland
Nikea v. -Kramerica-
Nikea v. #26 Anateus Rising
#13 Halfassedstates v. Nikea
#3 Bedistan v. Nikea
31-10-2003, 23:52
From the KaMaRi kali Evening News

First ever win of the Rejistanha'he'ny
Kravolis still can't get home

(KaMaRi kali)Everyone hoped, that the Orange-Blues would play an excellent match against Kravoli, who are also unranked. but this hope was shattered in the 3rd minute as <player> and <otherplayer> used an error of Tyru to get in excellent position, <player> shot and scored. That was a bad start, a really bad start. Kravoli kept on attacking, but the Orange-Blues did not use any more error in their defense and also using the chances they had for excellent counters. So it was in the 30th minute, when <player> lost the ball to Sen, he passed to Tyru. Susu, Lyku and Su stormed forward. When Lyku was in excellent position to shoot, he quickly passed to Su, who shot the ball into the goal. That changed the situation in the Hanin Sekhika Stadium: suddently the fans believed in the victory, they cheered and shouted as if the Junis'omeh'ny would be the new world champions. Despite of this, the Orange-Blues sticked to their defensive tactic and were most of the time in their own half. It seemed, that the game would end as a draw, but in the 86th Lyku got in posession of the ball and again tried a counter. Su and Lyku again run in direction of the Kravoli goal, their quick passes surprised the two Kravolis, who were the last to stay in their own half, and this time, it was Syku Lyku, who shot and scored.

After the final whistle, hell broke lose in the whole country, people ran on the street and waved flags or anything, which looked at least a bit like a flag, traffic came to a standstill, shops were closed sponatiously (the few, who dared to open during a game of the Rejistanians) and in the rejistanian parliament, one lentine, who got a note about the results, started shouting 'Ma'ta koleni, ma'ta sidekhir' (not to compare, not to reach) like he lost his mind. At the moment, the Kraviolis still try to get to the KaMaRi Intl airport, but it seems not like the traffic will get better until tomorrow.

The result: Rejistania 2 (Su 30, Lyku 86) - Kravioli 1 (<player> 3)

The rejistanian Scorers in the World Cup Qualifiers:
Lyku: 3
Su: 1
01-11-2003, 00:20
Scuttlebutt – Evening Edition

Hooligans Have Hope – Oddly Overpower Ogly
Oglethorpia Mike Easter, aspn wire


Blah blah, stuff about how we lost


# Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
4 Tanah Burung (39) 5 4 1 0 8 3 5 13
2 Snub Nose 38 (20) 5 3 1 1 11 7 4 10
1 Oglethorpia (10) 5 2 1 2 11 8 3 7
5 Hell Bovines (65) 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
6 Warnocks Wizards (77) 5 2 1 2 5 7 -2 7
3 Demonic Beings (31) 5 2 0 3 6 6 0 6
7 Evisceratomatoes 5 2 0 3 4 7 -3 6
8 Wildthings Realm 5 0 1 4 5 10 -5 1


The Porlamar Times

Hooligans heckled -- Oglethorpians overpowered
Oglethorpian World Cup-squad defeated at home

By Bill Christmas

SHEFFINGHAM, PORLAMAR (OG) -- Oglethorpia's World Cup-squad would meet the Hooligans in Kuruma Stadium; the Hooligans stepped out of their lorry well rested, and they proved it on the pitch.

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans struck early, Bruce Corwin with the footing error allowing a ball to slip past Yamamoto-san, within 10 minutes Oglethorpia already down by one.

Kirk Calhoun would have the equalizer for Oglethorpia's World Cup-squad, off a pass from midfielder Floyd Black -- to this the Oglethorpians on hand would viciously jeer the Hooligans, behind 38-keeper Pancake the large Oglethorpian flag flying triumphantly.

Things were not to be for the Oglethorpians, however.

All was quiet in Kuruma Stadium in the second half, until Malicious scooted one past Yamamoto-san; Snub Nose 38 2, Oglethorpia 1.

Francisco Green seemed to have the day saved; for in the 86th, the team captain brought things even at 2-2 with a fantastic free kick from 25 yards out.

"I thought we had secured the tie," commented coach Guy Picciotto. "Guess I was wrong. Tell you the truth, I don't know what happened in the next four minutes that made us lose."

What it was was Knuckles in the 88th -- bringing down Oglethorpia in front of a home crowd.

"It's disappointing," said Francisco Green. "I thought I had secured the draw with that free kick, but somethin' happened there at the end, and then we were down 3-2 as fulltime ended. Now we're going to have to play SN38 at home, and that'll be a tough game."

The Oglethorpian alumni jeered, they heckled; but to no avail, Snub Nose 38 defeating the Oglethorpian World Cup-squad at home in Kuruma Stadium.

SNUB NOSE 38 - 3 (Tank 5, Malicious 75, Knuckles 88)
OGLETHORPIA -2 (Calhoun 11, Francisco 86)
01-11-2003, 00:22
Halloween Haunts Lions; Halfassed Effort Leads to Loss

COLUMBIA, FD (10/31/03 IDS*, 03/19/16 BTS**) -- The Bedistan Lions had won all of their first four World Cup 9 qualifying matches, successfully shutting out their opponents every time. However, Coach Barber knew better than to rest on his laurels. "Unlike the teams we've been playing, Halfassedstates has experience," said Barber. "There's a reason why they're ranked thirteenth in the world."

Some people found it odd that the Lions happened to be playing the 13th-ranked team on Halloween [which falls on a variable date in the Bedistani calendar; that's why the IDS has been included here]. Many were certain that this match would mark the downfall of the nation's entire international football program. That, of course, remains to be seen.

The strangeness began early. In the 23rd minute, Fernando Sippel made a shot on the opposing goal that should surely have gone in. Amazingly, though, the ball curved sharply to the right and was deflected off the post to deny Sippel the goal. Sippel immediately declared shenanigans and was promptly given a yellow card. At halftime, the score remained 0-0.

The second half would play host to an extremely odd event. Halfassedstates' James Milton attempted a goal of his own, but his shot veered wildly off course to the left, directly toward a Spaamanian official who was busy chatting with Federal District Police. The official did not notice when the ball was deflected by his left foot and went directly past Chuck Mitchell into the Bedistani goal. Thousands of fans were dumbfounded. Mitchell called for the goal to not be counted, but as the official was unaware of the circumstances, he figured it had simply gone in in a normal manner. After an additional protest, Mitchell was shown the red card and removed from the game. Coach Barber made an emergency substitution -- forward Javier Lewey out, new goalkeeper Erik Oldenburg in.

No further goals would be scored by either team, and Bedistan saw its first loss of WC9 qualifying. As a result of the red card, Mitchell will not be allowed to participate in the next match; Oldenburg will tend the goal instead.

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Halfassedstates 1 [Spaamanian official 68]

F. Sippel 23 (yellow)
C. Mitchell 69 (red, 1-match suspension)

* International Date System
** Bedistani Time System, used by most nations in Paripana
Commerce Heights
01-11-2003, 00:25
The Commerce Heights Chronicle apologizes for the lack of international availability of the publication yesterday. All problems leading to this occurence have been rectified.
Commerce Heights Rebounds From Home Loss With First Win Over Akbarland
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, NM, CH (2/23/23 CHE) - After yesterday's startling 2-1 loss to unranked CallMeBernard (the first home loss since a 2-1 loss to then-#41 Liverpool England and the first loss to an unranked team since the 3-0 loss to Praetorian Rome), the Bulldogs bounced back to pull off a 1-0 win over #37 Akbarland, a team which the WC8 squad was unable to beat in the previous two meetings. CH's record against Akbarland is now an even 1-1-1. Quigley continued to fortify his position as the top scorer for the Bulldogs with a 13th-minute goal, his 14th in 28 games. Goalkeeper Dirk Vojtilo was seriously injured during the team's celebration of the win, and the medical staff expects him to be out of the game for all of Commerce Heights' four consecutive road games that start tomorrow against #2 Haraki. Alvaro Yago, currently the Bulldogs' best overall goalkeeper with 5 goals allowed in 5 games during WC8, will replace him for the duration of his absence.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 13)
(37) Akbarland 0 - FT

The win brings Akbarland down from first to third in Group 2, and Commerce Heights from 3rd to 2nd:
[code:1:d2d022c2a7]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz (52) 5 4 0 1 7 3 +4 12
Commerce Heights (23) 5 3 1 1 7 5 +2 10
Akbarland (37) 5 3 0 2 7 3 +4 9
Errinundera (15) 5 1 3 1 8 6 +2 5
Haraki (2) 5 1 3 1 6 7 -1 5
SterlingIce 5 1 1 3 4 6 -2 4
CallMeBernard 5 1 1 3 5 9 -4 4
NASTIC 2 5 0 3 2 6 11 -5 3[/code:1:d2d022c2a7]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: vs NASTIC 2 – T 2-2
Day 2: vs SterlingIce – W 1-0
Day 3: at #52 Eauz – W 2-1
Day 4: vs CallMeBernard – L 1-2
Day 5: vs #37 Akbarland – W 1-0
Day 6: at #2 Haraki
Day 7: at #15 Errinundera
Day 8: at NASTIC 2
Day 9: at SterlingIce
Day 10: vs #52 Eauz
Day 11: at CallMeBernard
Day 12: at #37 Akbarland
Day 13: vs #2 Haraki
Day 14: vs #15 Errinundera
Statistics - Team
[code:1:d2d022c2a7] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9
Games Played 28 10 13 5
Wins 12 3 6 3
Draws 8 3 4 1
Losses 8 4 3 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 79.5 62.6 81.7 107.8
Highest Opp. Rank 16 18 16 37
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 16 18 16 37
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.4 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.2 1.0 gpg
Goal Differential +4 -3 +5 +2
Rank 100 54 23[/code:1:d2d022c2a7]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:d2d022c2a7]Team Scoring Leaders – WC9
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 5 2 0.40
B. Quigley 5 2 0.40
C. Deppiesse 5 1 0.20
F. Wallace 5 1 0.20
K. Decker 5 1 0.20
M. Paritmongkol 5 0 0.00
E. Burns 5 0 0.00

Goaltending Leaders – WC9
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 5 5 1.00

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley*** 28 14 0.50
K. Decker*** 28 8 0.29
J. Cahalane*** 28 7 0.25
M. McCormick.^^ 4 1 0.25
F. Wallace^^* 9 2 0.22
C. Romanowski**. 23 5 0.22
C. Deppiesse..* 5 1 0.20
D. Kakuta**. 23 2 0.09
M. Paritmongkol*** 28 1 0.04
E. Burns*** 28 0 0.00

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
A. Yago.^^ 5 5 1.00
D. Vojtilo*** 24 33 1.38

..*/..^ starter/backup in WC9
.*./.^. starter/backup in WC8
*../^.. starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:d2d022c2a7]
01-11-2003, 01:32
The Dragons are looking to qualify for the first world cup under the new Dragonian Football Federation. The new DFF caused the entire squad from the old world cup to boycott the qualification. Now, a new generation of footballers has been bred and non better than child prodigy Lissësúl Sargent. The 16 year-old has proven himself worthy of the captain's armband and will be the future of the already young Dragonian squad. The average age this year is 23, with the youngest, Lissësùl at 16, and the oldest, Barantasarë at 32.

Fosco Danderfluff GK Dragons FC 30
Elessar Númenessë GK Séregon 25
Samwise Knotwise GK Delving Town 20

Hambut Bunce LB Brockenboring Univ. 19
Minto Bunce RB Brockenboring Univ. 21
Hamson Bracegirdle CB Imperial Utd 32
Elros Faelivrin CB Dragons FC 27
Daeron Elendil LB Dragons FC 26
Bodo Sandybanks RB Weslington University 20
Longo Gamgee-Took CB Beleg El. 21
Valandil CB Army 22

Hob Grubb LM Delving Town 23
Lólindir Oronar RM Navy 29
Hambut Bramble CM Imperial Utd 30
Lissësúl Sargent CM Dragons FC 16
Bodo Bulge LM Army 24
Lenwë Ciryatan RM Alatáriël Commune 22
Findecáno Telrúnya CM Imperial Academy 21
Samwise Broadbelt CM Buckland School 19

Elros Ciryatan RF Dragons FC 15
Olo Hardbottle RF Weslington University 19
Barantasarë LF Dragons FC 32
Mario Djurgart LF Holy City 25
The Weegies
01-11-2003, 01:39
OOC: Roster thread, mate.
Liverpool England
01-11-2003, 01:39
OOC: Roster thread, mate.

What he said, link is on first page.
01-11-2003, 01:53
Cows Graze on Mount Doom, A Hellish Night for Ufwurz the Furious

Warnocks Wizards Drop First Match at Fortress Warnock 1-0 to Hell Bovines

From our news services...

Matchday 5, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Hell Bovines came to Mount Doom last night and accomplished that which two top forty teams could not–to defeat Warnocks Wizards at Fortress Warnock. The Wizards disappointed for the second straight week, but unlike last week, could not come up with a result. Manager Ufwurz the Furious reverted to the 4-3-1-2 formation that he prefers to use at home and reintroduced the pace and skill into the lineup that was missing for the match at the Demonic Beings. Ghaztrak the Gouger returned at right back, Akhklash the Emaciated reverted to right wing, and Ishklash the Snooty was reinstated to his familiar starting role.

Kickoff was delayed as several Hell Bovines players stubbornly refused to dip their hooves in a solution that scientists had prepared to prevent them from bringing Foot and Mouth Disease to Mount Doom. Apparently some of the visitors mistakenly thought that the solution caused FMD as the Hell Bovinian phrase book Wizard officials were using to communicate with the cow people was inadequate and filled with many inaccuracies (perhaps this also explains the misunderstanding about Hell Bovine musical group and halftime entertainers System of a Cow being blacksmiths, but more on that mix up later). After national mascot and diplomat Arch Mage Rahzlok the Alligator intervened, the Bovines agreed to step in the solution. Although, judging by their reaction to Rahzlok, one has to think they ran through the solution more out of fear than persuasion. What cow wouldn’t run from a nine-foot tall salivating alligator? (Being fair to Rahzlok, and to head off any possible backlash from the Alligator Anti-Defamation League, he can’t quite control his saliva problem. It is solely a medical condition and this is in no way a characterisation of his race or a slight on him personally.) At any rate, much of the first half was a non-event with the Red and White Wizards controlling play but unable to break down the stout Bovine defense. The Cows, to their credit, scored on their only true chance of the half in the 41st minute when star Ron Goldenspot’s drive proved too elusive for goalkeeper Globtakh the Timid. The half ended with the home crowd despondent with their National Team trailing 1-0.

The half time show provided by Hell Bovine group System of a Cow proved to be quite a spectacle and an experience that most in the stadium will remember for as long as they live. The group, billed by Warnocks Wizards organisers as a multi-skilled collective that would perform amazing feats of blacksmithing in addition to great a-capella singing, shocked the audience by breaking out into high pitched screaming backed by excessively loud stringed instruments. Apparently this style of music is called “heavy metal.”The group’s lyrics, which were largely about the evils of meat eating, were lost on the stunned crowd, comprised mainly of dwarves and Uruk’Hai, who had come to see the amazing display of blacksmithing that the organisers promised. This no doubt explains the heckling from a clearly inebriated Uruk’Hai (note: again this comment is in no way reflective on the entire Uruk’Hai culture or indeed of this individual when he is sober. No doubt he’s quite nice when one gets to meet him in a normal social setting) who, after hearing the cow group perform “I Ate A Teenage Human,” yelled “So did my grandmother! Let’s get them boys! Meat’s back on the Menu!!!” Thankfully, the individual was then carted away by the Skaialuk Straight Jacket Team that is on hand for all Warnocks Wizards matches.

The second half proved more of the same with the Wizards unable to break down the opposition. Manager Ufwurz was furious with the result, lip synching (for he had lost his voice in the locker room at halftime trying to scream over System of a Cow’s performance): “The cats deserved to pin this one tonight. We calf to fork on our plate.” [Note to editor: I’m really uncertain what Ufwurz was lip-synching, but I think it was something similar to this. If you have any better ideas, print them.] In the end, the Wizards will be wondering where finishing will come from. They desperately need to win their next two matches which are against unranked opposition if they want to stay in the hunt for a World Cup spot in this challenging group.

Warnocks Wizards: Globtakh the Timid, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazuzkh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer (Ghazgash the Sleazy 76), Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough (Mersnik the Cruel 79), Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Krumsnik the Paunch, Akhburz the Straggler, Gromdul the Gasher.

For their next match in Group 8, Warnocks Wizards host unranked newcomers Wildthings Realm at Fortress Warnock. New Orthanc musical group Wizards Without Hats will perform at halftime.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1
Liverpool England
01-11-2003, 02:04
Kaze Progressa dumped aside - Liverpool England defeat Progressans easily without Paul Dussis

Liverpool England (01) 2 [Cannon penalty 6th, Christopher 86th]
Kaze Progressa (59) 0

Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
One Red Dot (29) 5 4 1 0 9 2 7 13
Liverpool England (1) 5 3 2 0 10 5 5 11
Kaze Progressa (59) 5 2 2 1 7 6 1 8
The Belmore Family (13) 5 2 1 2 6 6 0 7
Soviet Haaregrad 5 2 1 2 4 5 -1 7
Kegarna 5 1 2 2 5 7 -2 5
Zeronia (79) 5 0 2 3 3 8 -5 2
God Squad (42) 5 0 1 4 4 9 -5 1
[/code:1:7dec070573]Please do note that this table is only temporary - there has been an extra match played wrongly
Total n Utter Insanity
01-11-2003, 02:07
Kaze Progressa dumped aside - Liverpool England defeat Progressans easily without Paul Dussis

<stuff copied from the scores and tables thread>

Was that worth posting?

*hides his own crappy posts*
01-11-2003, 02:12
*wins but doesn't have enough time to RP it*

2-1 over Keyshonia

Yay me, tied for 2nd in group again.
01-11-2003, 02:36
New Spaam Times

Sports > Football > World Cup Qualifying

Spaam Snatch Draw - Celebri Out

Tragedy occurred after just 9 minutes last night in Spaam's qualifier
against Aquilla in Nátul. Spaam's first female Goalkeeper, Elen Celebri,
had a perfect record coming into this game. However, as she came to
pick up the ball after deflecting a goal from an Aquillan striker, she was
run into by another Aquillan player also going from the ball. The player's
knee collided with her head, breaking her nose and giving her
concussion, which only earnt the player a yellow card, but meant Celebri
had to be stretchered from the field, and taken to hospital. She is
currently still in hospital, so it is not certain whether she will be able to
play against Timway in the next round.

Rohir Falassi replaced Celebri, and after that the things got worse.
Aquilla's attack was relentless, frequently beating Spaam's so far
unpentrable defense. Goals were scored in the 14th, 27th, and 38th
minutes, with Falassi unable to repeat Celebri's performance. The only
consolation in the first half was a goal to Saeros Meneldur in the 45th
minute, from a Sëhelin corner shot.

Coming 3-1 down after the first half, Coach Hoopai rearranged the team,
putting more emphasis on defense. Opting for a 2-4-4 setup, with just
Sëhelin and Meneldur up front, the change didn't seem to be working
when Aquilla scored in the 49th minute, leaving Spaam 3 goals down.
When no more goals were scored for over 15 minutes, Spaam looked to
be facing their first defeat of the Qualifying season. However, captain
Sëhelin mustered her team and showed the team why she is one of the
best strikers in the world.

She scored her first in the 66th minute, with Meneldur supporting. She
scored a second 75th minute, coming from a long run, easily beating the
Aquillan keeper and bringing Spaam to within one goal of a draw. The
game was frantic for the next 8 minutes as the match went into injury
time and the Spaamanians looked for the equaliser. It finally came in
the 93rd minute, again from Sëhelin, after a controversial decision by the
referees to give Spaam a corner shot, which was taken by Pallanén.
Seconds after the whistle sounded, and Spaam managed to crawl away
with a 4 all draw.

Coach Hoopai was not happy in the post match conference. "I'm not
happy with the decision to only award the Aquillan player a yellow card
after taking Celebri out of the match. Even still, we should not have
been down by 3 goals in the 50th minute, and I accept some of the
blame there. We were lucky today, because we didn't deserve to win
with our performance. I think there are a lot of issues to address before
our next match in Timway which will be our hardest test of the

Even despite the draw, Spaam's keeps their spot at the top of the table,
undefeated, one point ahead of surprise packet Lanky Dude, who
defeated Sensual Products, and now stands at 10 points. Aquilla stays at
3rd on 8, and East Spaam 4th on 7, after their 2 all draw against
Clearwater. With 9 rounds to go, Spaam's position in precarious at best,
and their next match against Timway is crucial.

Donni Darco
01-11-2003, 03:04

Donni Darco

(OOC: I applaud your taste in movies.)
Runaway Moose
01-11-2003, 03:50
Svecia Scores Single, Moose Miss Many

Alces Rex lost their first qualifying match today to Svecia. The only goal of the game was put past T. Gigas in the 17th. Both teams had many good shots on goal, but the keepers played very solid games. Liz, one of the newest to be named to Runaway Moose national had an exceptional header off a corner kick toward the end of the game, but Alces Rex failed to capitalize on any of their scoring opportunities.
Despite losing their lead position in the group, Coach Berkett still has high hopes for this squad coming through the qualifiers. Nif will be back game after next with full clearance from the team trainers. She was given leave by Berkett today to travel and watch her intended play today. One can only hope she was paying careful attention should we meet LE later on. With one loss on the records, Runaway Moose has to keep their high positive goal differential and play their best in the next few matches to ensure their qualification.
East Spaam
01-11-2003, 04:00
Nates Meos Mordi

Arfta defeeting Ordeeoslarveea at hom laast rownd East Spaam went too
Kleerworta. Kleerworta had playd Spaam larst rownd, loozing 1 nil and
so East Spaam wer konfident. Da gaym beegan wel, with plentee ov
akshun an chansiz. Elmo skord da ferst gol in da 21st minit, eezilee
defeeting da Kleerworta keepa Tucker. Kleerworta den kam bak in da
35th minit, with Davis an Gannon kombining too skor past Celo.

Kleerworta skord agen rit afta da brayk, with Davis defeeting Menada and
Celo too poosh dem too a wun gol leed. East Spaam kept serching for
da eekwaliza, with plentee ov klos korls bi Aran an Elmo, but it woz Mara
hoo finalee got it in da 72nd minit. Shee shot it intoo da top left korna,
an eeven do Tucker got hiz finga tips on it, it stil got in. Elmo orlmost got
da wining gol sekendz from fool tim, but Tucker just got it on da lin.

Dis dror keeps East Spaam at 4th plays on da taybel, wun poynt beehind
Akwila, hoo droo with Spaam in Natúl. Spaam stayz at da top ov da
taybel, wun poynt ahed ov Laynkee Dood, hoo wee wil bee playing nekst
rownd heer in Shaw. Orl ov United Spaam wil bee hoping wee win.

01-11-2003, 04:03
OOC: Roster thread, mate.

What he said, link is on first page.

ha, i thought i was on the roster thread, i had so many windows open at the time.
01-11-2003, 04:50

HOLY IMPERIAL CITY,(DP)-The Dragons have no doubt sealed thier WC9 fate after a dissapointing two-nil loss to Auir II. The Dragons have only scored twice in 5 games, both goals by prodigy L. Sargent, becoming the youngest WC goal scorer at the age of just 16. Sargent wore the captain's armband for the second game in a row and here's his take on Dragonia's Qualifying woes:

"I know were a young squad, but there's really no excuse, we are all professionals here, but were playing like amateurs. It sickens me to know that we have to start concentrating on WCX now that we've basically lost our chance for WC9. I can only hope to learn from my mistakes and lead this team into the next world cup."

The starting lineup for todays match was as follows:
GK Elessar Númenessë

LB Daeron Elendil
CB Elros Faelivrin
CB Longo Gamgee-Took
RB Minto Bunce Off-45'

LM Bodo Bulge
DM Findecáno Telrúnya
AM Lissësúl Sargent (Captain)
RM Lenwë Ciryatan

LF Elros Ciryatan
RF Barantasarë Off-74'

1. Samwise Knotwise
2. Bodo Sandybanks
3. Hamson Bracegirdle ON-45'
4. Hambut Bramble
5. Hob Grubb
6. Mario Djurgart ON-74'
7. Olo Hardbottle[/code:1:c1b483a933]
01-11-2003, 04:58
Well I'll probably be able to topple that Loose watever. I'm worried about S, ES, and Timway tho.
Liverpool England
01-11-2003, 11:49
Paul Dussis: Not to Worry - I'll play against One Red Dot

After the midweek death of his father, Paul Dussis has said that he will play the match against One Red Dot. "It's been a tough week. However, I feel that I must contiue with the team, and try to defend the crown."
Liverpool England are currently the defending champions, having brushed Bedistan aside in the WC8 final.

Liverpool England
01-11-2003, 11:56
Liverpool England to forfeit game?

Reports are saying that the LE squad would forfeit a game, much like Errinundera in WC7 against Europa Brittania. When contacted, the LEIFC spokesman denied any such claims. "We as defending champions aim to get the most points possible, we will not forfeit any match!"

01-11-2003, 12:08
OOC: Took you long enough :P
Have started updating the website, though it would be nice if the
HOSTS got into the act :P


There have been rumours that The Dragonian Empire have been
autogenerating the names of their poulace from the websites
The Elvish Name Generator ( and The Hobbit Name Generator (
There is anger in the international community at this blatant abuse of
human rights.
Kaze Progressa
01-11-2003, 13:14
From the Daily Kangaroo:

A bizarre series of mistakes have led to a rerun of the entire first-day fixture list in Group 1.

Kaze Progressa lost 2-0 to Liverpool England in the hastily-scheduled match at the CCL Arena, stunned by an early and controversial penalty against Jaruna Jaff, converted by Caddy Cannon. Christopher completed the victory four minutes from time.

The Kaze Progressa Football Association have demanded an inquiry into the mixup. 25,000 Progressan supporters, decked in a variety of club and national colours, demanded the original 2-2 result should stand. In an opinion poll on Progressa TeleSport, 96% felt the mixup was due to Ravenspire and Europa Britannica.

From the Daurama Evening News:

A group of 3,000 construction workers symbolically resumed work on the new Daurama Dome this morning following the outrageous mixup in WC9 qualifying.

Work on the 60,000-seater stadium was halted temporarily after the Ravenspire/Europa Britannica bid for WC9 beat the KP/LE/BF bid, but a hastily-arranged resumption occurred today.

Chants of 'They ruined our holidays' and 'KP for World Cup 9' resonated around the site between noisy construction. The Kaze Progressa Football Association are campaigning against the mixup which forced an entire set of matches to be replayed, including the sensational 2-2 draw in Liverpool England. The rematch finished 2-0 to the home side, who won WC8. Some conspiracy theorists argue the LE administration bribed Ravenspire or Europa Britannica into causing the rematch, claims described as 'probably, but not unquestionably, rubbish' by the KPFA.

(OOC: I'm not saying there's a conspiracy. This RP is certainly not attacking LE, and it isn't attacking R/EB until there is clear reason to. I'm just RPing the frustrations of some KP citizens.)
01-11-2003, 13:49
Dictator Declares "Best Day Ever for SterlingIce Sports"
And what a day it was! In the afternoon, the Hippos national soccer team got their first ever win in international competition, beating NASTIC 2 by the score of 2-1. Strikers Edwin Phelan and Gualtiero Spagnuolo scored for the Hippos while Tim "Timber" Kimber gave up only 1 goal for the 4th time in 5 Cup games. Play continues tomorrow in Group 2.

In the night cap, in front of a national television audience in excess of 100 million people (national population: 151M), the Hippos Ice Hockey team won the inagural Don Cherry Cup. Mick Starks has been playing his best at hockey rather than his first love, soccer. After collecting a hat trick the day before, he scored another 2 goals and assisted on another as the Hippos won 6-1 over Soviet Haaregrad, to sweep Group A play. Stunned Coach Xanatosi was at a loss to explain the team's offensive outburst: "I really can't believe the guys played this well! I mean, we got, what, 20 goals in 5 games? That's crazy for this team. Wow! I just can't believe it. The guys did awesome!" The Hippos have already signed up and hope to compete for the next Don Cherry Cup.

Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 16:47

Donni Darco

(OOC: I applaud your taste in movies.)
*hmmm...this is what it means to get old. i have no clue what the donni darco reference is. closest i come is little donny dark from "butterflys are free"*
Runaway Moose
01-11-2003, 17:52
OOC: Silly Dad. It's a movie w/ Jake Gyllenhaal. The one I was telling you about. Molly's cousin.
One Red Dot
01-11-2003, 18:17
The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition

WC Host Mixup Causes Confusion, ORD Yet to be Defeated

The World Sport Fraternity was thrown into chaos as the NationStates World Cup had gone under the microscope because of a mistake of what fanatics claim to be a comma mistake. It is still not known what that comment meant but this mistake caused the entire of Group 1, in which One Red Dot is in, to be playing the wrong matches against the wrong nations.

Investigations have produced that only matches played on Day 1 was correct and the matches played on Day 2 through 5 were all scheduled wrongly. It is believed that to rectify the situation, only Day 1 will be replayed with the new schedule.

Today, on Day 5 of the World Cup Qualifying Stage, ORD got their first draw against newcomers Soviet Haaregrad. Being a newcomer to the team, Chris Johnson was in utter jubilation when he scored his first international goal against Soviet Haaregrad at the 39th minute. However, things became serious when the opponents scored a goal of their own in the second half at the 78th minute. Many desperate attempts were made by both sides but it all came to nought when the game ended in a 1-1 draw.

Despite the draw, One Red Dot still stays at the top with WC8 champions Liverpool England and Kaze Progressa following closely behind.

[code:1:4d251fb3a2]Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
One Red Dot (29) 5 4 1 0 9 2 7 13
Liverpool England (1) 5 3 2 0 10 5 5 11
Kaze Progressa (59) 5 2 2 1 7 6 1 8
The Belmore Family (13) 5 2 1 2 6 6 0 7
Soviet Haaregrad 5 2 1 2 4 5 -1 7
Kegarna 5 1 2 2 5 7 -2 5
Zeronia (79) 5 0 2 3 3 8 -5 2
God Squad (42) 5 0 1 4 4 9 -5 1[/code:1:4d251fb3a2]
Note: This above table contains information for matches, including the unchanged Day 1 results.

ORD World Cup Record:
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 5

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 4
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 1
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 9
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.80
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 2
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 0.40
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +7
Average GD -0.11 0.11 0.88 1.69 0.23 1.40

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 67

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 36
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 14
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 17

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 119
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.78
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 72
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.07
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +47
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 0.42 0.76 0.65 0.70

Average Opp. Rank 64.67 65.20 52.80 53.38 91.38 70.57
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1
Lowest Opp. Rank 100 100 100 100 150 150

Pre-Match Rank 100 27 30 22 16 29

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:4d251fb3a2]
Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 18:39
OOC: Silly Dad. It's a movie w/ Jake Gyllenhaal. The one I was telling you about. Molly's cousin.
Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 18:58
OOC: This is a "Thank You" to Halfassedstates, who first had the Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery "appear" somewhere - back in WC6 (maybe 7?), I think.

We're getting a lot of mileage out of that. :wink:
01-11-2003, 18:58
The Daily Propaganda by the High Council - The ONLY Legal Paper

OBD Remains at Bottom despite Warnings from High Council

Unfortunately, OBD Players have remained in a rut after such a lousy performance. The High Council have warned all 11 players to buck up and earn a win or they will be subjected to the usual tortu... ehrmm... discilplinary actions.

At this rate, OBD is definitely set to earn the Wooden Spoon for having the most losses and the lowest Goal Difference. (And in fact the only nation so far with a double digit GD.)

OBD lies at the bottom of Group 9 in the NationStates World Cup.
Day 1: Lost against Total n Utter Insanity 0-3.
Day 2: Lost against Bullonien 0-2.
Day 3: Lost against Gilmeecia 0-2.
Day 4: Lost against Giant Zucchini 1-2.
Day 5: Lost against Morawny 0-1.

This is the table by the NationStates World Cup:
[code:1:35bc35be20]Group 9 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Total n Utter Insanity (49) 5 5 0 0 10 0 10 15
Gilmeecia (17) 5 4 0 1 10 5 5 12
Giant Zucchini (11) 5 3 1 1 9 3 6 10
Bullonien (26) 5 2 2 1 9 2 7 8
Auir II 5 2 1 2 5 6 -1 7
Morawny 5 1 1 3 2 7 -5 4
The Dragonian Empire (55) 5 0 1 4 2 11 -9 1
One Blue Dot 5 0 0 5 1 13 -12 0[/code:1:35bc35be20]

OBD World Cup Record:
World Cup WC9
Matches Played 5

Wins 0
Draws 0
Losses 5

Goals For 1
Average GF 0.20
Goals Against 13
Average GA 2.60
Goal Diff. –12
Average GD -2.40

Total Matches 4

Acc. Wins 0
Acc. Draws 0
Acc. Losses 2

Accumulated GF 1
Ave. Acc. GF 0.20
Accumulated GA 13
Ave. Acc. GA 2.60
Accumulated GD -12
Ave. Acc. GD -2.40

Average Opp. Rank 65.86
Highest Opp. Rank 11
Lowest Opp. Rank 150

Pre-Match Rank 150

*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:35bc35be20]

The next match will be against Auir II.
01-11-2003, 19:06
A radio broadcast by Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes

My little corgettes, my dear ones, this will be the last broadcast by radio in the Free Land. From this day forth, all radio frequencies will be jammed to prevent unauthorized use of the Empam device.

My little zucchinis -- for now we know that i may call you that -- be proud. Hold your tomato-heads high. For now we know that the DNA of giant zucchinis runs in our veins! A former World Cup champion! Truly, my wee sprouts, we are blessed. Today i announce i have changed by name to honour my zucchinni heritage. I will now be known as Nate-Hurr E. Visser.

Now to football. We were robbed in the last match against Tanah Burung by unfair distraction tactics. Yes, my teeny beanies, the creator betrayed us. We shall not be so easily distracted again. In the certain knowledge of our illustrious heritage, we will now become a football power to be reckoned with.

It has already started. Yesterday, we defeated Wildthings Realm in a match in which no Evisceratomatoes died. Special praise today goes to the goal scorers (who have also chosen new names for themselves), Urk Seedykins and Eve Isser-Kernigit. Well played! In fact, i think the Realm may be so awed by the magnificent goals by these two Evisceratomatoes that their whole country ceases to exist. In which case, my little strawberries, maybe we can have their land. Somewhere to put down roots. Now that we know the creator has betrayed us, we no longer want to live alongside Tanah Burung.

But i digress, my tiny fruitkins. Our noble footballers now have six points. Qualification is within striking distance. The third-place team has only seven points. We can do it, my jalapenos!
01-11-2003, 19:24
Just a little dumb question: Whose puupet is Evisceratomatoes anyway?
The Weegies
01-11-2003, 19:31
Weegies Star Sport Report

A huge roar boomed through Mackintosh at midnight. It wasn't a storm. It wasn't an explosion. It wasn't an earthquake. It was the sound of 10,000 ecstatic fans in Aperin Square bursting with joy after they saw their team go two-nil up against big seeds Kingsford thanks to the huge videscreens erected by the government for those who were unable to travel to Kingsford, and incidentally also going top of their qualifying group, the first time they have done so in their history.

This was a crucial match for The Weegies. If they couldn't beat any of the big teams - Dennisov, Lemmitania, and Kingsford - they might as well have kissed their World Cup dreams bye-bye.

And the boys came out with a look of determination on their face. They wanted to prove they were truly a force to be reckoned with in the football world. Mackintyre had made a lot of changes after beating Freedom Country, some necessary (bringing star striker Smith back into the team, putting in Black due to Lennison being injured), some intriguing (putting De Bruis in the centre, bringing veteran goalie Devopoulous back into play for the first time since WC8), and some mystifying (uncapped Harris playing in wing)

And as they kicked off, it seemed as if the night would be Kingsford's. Strong play down the wings, trying to negate the effects of Kincaid, meant it looked as if Kingsford had done their homework. Devopoulous had his work cut out as he had to return to international standard with 4 or 5 Kingsford chances in the first 20 minutes. Harris, uncapped, looked totally lost, and the fans feared the worst for the fragile-looking defence.

But that defence turned out to be their saviour, as Kincaid took a corner at the Kingsford end, the ball fell to Hussain, only a few yards away, who slotted it home to give the visitors a much needed confidence boost.

That, plus Mackintyre substituting Harris for the experienced Ferguson, led to a far more even game, with each creating chances and worrying the other sides' goal, the best being a 20-yard blast from a Kingsford striker which made Devopoulous perform acrobatics to save.

This continued into the second half, with each side playing well, but just unable to finish the whole thing off. In the 56th minute, star striker Smith did just that. A good play from provider Quattro led to a mazy dribble from Smith, who banged it into the net. And the fans celebrated.

Kingsford stepped up a notch afterwards, trying to even the score somewhat, leading to Black being booked for a poorly timed tackle. But the Weegie defence held, and "Big Tam" couldn't have done better than a brick wall in goal. A flamboyant performance, which at the final whistle got them what they deserved. A place at the top of Group 10, and the only team in that group yet to lose a match. The Star hopes they can keep this good record going.


Devopoulous, Tommy (GK)
Black, John (DL) (booked - 74th minute) (sub - Levinson, Jerry, 79th minute)
Mardot, Jack (DC)
Hussain, Lemar (DC) (goal - 22nd minute)
Zukikov, Yuri (DR)
Harris, Dennis (ML) (sub - Ferguson, George - 34th minute)
De Bruis, Peter (MC)
Mahé, Steven (MC)
Kincaid, Fred (MR)
Quattro, Andy (SC)
Smith, Jamie (SC) (goal - 56th minute)
Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 19:31
OOC: To steal a line from Menelmacar -
We love the Evisceratomatoe Wisest, Nate-Hurr E. Visser

Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Investigation Into Imploding Imposter
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Remington Grey

Deep in the bowels of the Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science, research is underway. Agents of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery are spread out over the known world, searching. The "Empam Scam" is not dead. This reporter interviewed several key individuals involved in the "Empam Scam". Here's some of what they had to say.

"We will deal with the monster out there, imposter that he (she?) is," announced Doctor Albert Onestone of the Academy of Science, interviewed in his office. "Masquerading as one of us! How dare he (she?). We're working on'll fix that rat...I can't say any more, it's classified."

"Our agents will find the fiend, friend," noted Jack Cass, Minster of Super Secret Sleuthery, who appeared next to this reporter in Remington Park yesterday. "He (she?) has stolen Snub Nose 38 government property. He (she?) is posing as an Agent of this very Ministry, a branch of the government of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. He (she?) appears to have used the device stolen from us against a nation with whom, although we don't have what could be called "normal" relations (how could we, under the circumstances?), is not an enemy of ours, either." This reporter intended to ask Mr. Cass to elaborate on his comments about relations between Evisceratomato and Snub Nose 38, but when I turned to ask him a question...he was no longer there.

"We fully support the efforts of Doctor Onestone, and Mr. Cass," said Ben Dover, "Acting" Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, who allowed us to interview him as he was getting on the team bus for the next match. "Yes, we want to win our matches, and we certainly want to qualify to participate in World Cup 9. But we want to do it on our own. We don't need some lunatic out there threating the lives vegetables. (Understand they're really a kind of Evizuccamato - or maybe thats Evisceratomcchini)"

During my interview with Ben Dover, I overheard a bystander, identified to me later only as "Margaret", to mumble something like "on your own? you couldn't cross the street on your own." We could not find this "Margaret" to either confirm she in fact said this, or clarify what she actually said - and explain her comment in either case.
Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 19:32
Just a little dumb question: Whose puupet is Evisceratomatoes anyway?
Europa Brittania
01-11-2003, 19:43
Matchday six results have been posted.
Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 20:34
Scuttlebutt - Special Edition

Hooligans 1, Crocs 0
Tanah Burung Mike Easter, aspn wire

Let the score speak for itself! Let the table tell the tale!
[code:1:4903a160c8]Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (20) 6 4 1 1 12 7 5 13
Tanah Burung (39) 6 4 1 1 8 4 4 13
Oglethorpia (10) 6 3 1 2 12 8 4 10
Hell Bovines (65) 6 3 1 2 7 8 -1 10
Warnocks Wizards (77) 6 2 2 2 7 9 -2 8
Demonic Beings (31) 6 2 0 4 6 7 -1 6
Evisceratomatoes 6 2 0 4 4 8 -4 6
Wildthings Realm 6 0 2 4 7 12 -5 2[/code:1:4903a160c8]
Celebrations have broken out all across the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38. School's out - The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 has declared a national holiday. The Ministry of the Fine and Performing Arts, and Dry Cleaning has commissioned a life size sculpture of each member of the Hooligan Starting Eleven. Someone had a skywriter write "Hallalujah!" in the sky over our national capital, Sten. In every town and village across the land there is dancing in the streets. The Sten Stock Market is closed, and instead a ticker tape parade was organized for the Homecoming of our Hero Hooligans. The long night is over - Snub Nose 38 1, Tanah Burung 0.

People are happy.

In Tanah Burung, it's quite a different story. This reporter has looked in to the face of many a Tanah Burrungian today, only to find shock written there. There is an eerie silence throughout the land. It may be some time before anyone in Tanah Burung speaks again.

The match...what can I say about the match! It was as if somewhere, somehow, someone waved a magic wand and voila! The Hooligans could do no wrong. Tanah Burung played well. More than well. Excellent is not good enough to describe the Crocodiles today. But...the Hooligans were just that little bit better.

There were no cards issued. No reds, no yellows. There were, for the first time this reporter can remember, absolutely no fouls in the entire match. What was there, you ask?

There was football. The way football is meant to be played. By Ladies, and Gentlemen, who respect the game and so respect one another - at least, on the pitch. And by god (or by the gods, or by whatever you choose to believe in) it was a wonderful thing to behold. I haven't had that much fun since...well, I don't think I've had that much fun.

They played as a team should, selfless, sharing, supporting. Who? Everyone on the pitch today. They played to their potential - and, in most cases, beyond. The offense was awesome, the defense was strong. On which side? On both sides.

It was almost a shame that someone won the match. Almost...

But, if someone had to win...well, what can I say? I'm a Hooligan supporter all the way.

But I'll never forget the football I saw played in Tanah Burung today.

Oh, almost forgot. The goal. Hooligans Captain Knuckles just managed to strike a cross from Malicious into the near upper corner in the 69th minute.
The Belmore Family
01-11-2003, 20:53
Belmore victorius again-->This time over allies God Squad.

Alan Belmore scored his 7th Goal of the tournament giving Belmore's 3rd win on the trot. The single goal was an immaculate shot from just outside the box which plummeted into the left hand corner of the goal. God Squad had several good attempts denied by Will Belmore keeping TBF in the lead.

Alan Belmore (63)

Snub Nose 38
01-11-2003, 21:09
TBF: could you make your "The Belmorian" banner about 1/7th smaller? Each page you put it on won't fit on my screen anymore. Thanks
Belmorian Scandinavia
01-11-2003, 21:17
(Yes they do get the same paper in BES)

Belmorian Scandinavia loose out to group leaders Terranos.
Belmorian Scandinavia sadly lost once again to high flyers Terranos, the uranked side, taking the group bty storm disposed of the minnows by two goals to nil. Bernard Williams kept the side in the match with his goalkeeping proventing BES from loosing 8-0!!!


[number 10] (12), [number 5] (58)

Belmorian Scandinavia
01-11-2003, 21:19