World Cup 39—roleplay thread [Archive] - Page 3

Starblaydia

13-02-2008, 15:02

"People are entitled to their views, Rik," Simeone Di Bradini was sick of the Minister for Sport (and Double-Posts) Lord Rikaard Van Honjiik. How he'd managed to keep his job so long was a feat far beyond the boundaries of Simeone's knowledge. Simeone had been sick of him sometime around World Cup 22, when he'd first been involved behind the scenes in the World Cup squad, when Rikaard had taken control of the team alongside Nikola "Laser" Lazerevski.

It was now World Cup 39, and his opinion of the Lord had failed to improve even one iota. It had only been a drop-in appointment, not even a real meeting, with the Minster as Simeone was on his way to give the football team some congratulations and advice, before hopping over to promote the final Group Six match at home against Minilla Island West, then onto SCB:Sports and SCB:News for separate interviews.

"Well they bloody shouldn't be!" Honjiik yelled, throwing a photocopy of a newspaper down onto the table, with Simeone noticing it was called the Islands Daily, "it's these sodding foreigners with their hoighty-toighty opinions that's helped put this country as low as it is today. Bastards."

That was numpties like you, Simeone thought but didn't say taking us to war and scrapping the football team while you were at it. The Starblaydi legend was over a hundred years old, and he didn't have the patience for conversations such as this, especially with people such as Rikaard Van Honjiik.

"An under-performing Estresse Intenso, same from Lovisa, still hungover from their Harmony win," Simeone said, "Zwangzug had been beating everyone and Qazox, for once, not doing too badly in qualification. It's a rosy group for us, you have to acknowledge that at least."

"From Fifty-Seventh!" Rikaard yelled again. "We'd be sixth seed in Adihan's group, and we're in third place here with two games to go: we're back, baby! And this little shit from the arse-end of nowhere doesn't recognise that obvious fact."

Simeone had finally lost his patience and, right along with it, his temper.

"Have you always been a fool," he asked, without a single shred of humour in his eyes, "or did it come to you in your early manhood?"

"W-What?" His Lordship was stunned.

"I am sick and tired of your constant, inane ramblings," Simeone pointed his finger harshly at Rikaard, glaring all the while, "how you've managed to stay in this honoured position of responsibility is way beyond me." Now he started to raise his voice, louder with each word to a crescendo of anger. "You don't even deserve to be the Minister for Double-Posts, never mind Sport, and you never have been. You are a toadying, backstabbing little bastard, and I'll have you out of this office if it's the last thing I do. Good-day."

With that, Simeone turned and marched out of the office, leaving Rikaard to simply stand in silence with his mouth open. The worst thing was, Simeone thought, that he partly agreed with the Minister on the subject - Starblaydia were undervalued by their current World rank and they were, slowly, getting back to the old RAWRCRUSH machine that Simeone himself - in no small part - had helped to make, along with hundreds of others. He had to do something about this, and his first port of call would be right at the top, his old friend Tiberius Starblayde.

Sorthern Northland

13-02-2008, 17:22

The South Bank
KPB rankings, do they lie?

By Glenn Brigstock
Football Columnist

The KPB rankings supposedly are a definitive measure of how good a team really is on the world scene. Using some sort of formula they take the results of all nations within a certain time period, do some form of number crunching and then pump out a number which then compared to other nations number tell us exactly how good a team is. Apparently.

But do they really tell us how good a team is? After all form is only temporary and it could be argued that class is permanent. If we look at Starblaydia for example, they have a proud history in the world of football. Yet if we look for their name in the world ranking they are down in fifty-fifth place. Sorthern Northland? We can be found in forty-first, but are we really better than Starblaydia? They do have history in the competition, having won it twice, as well as a second place finish and a third place finish. As for Sorthern Northland, our best ever finish in a tournament thus far and arguably our only decent tournament was a runners up spot in the last Oriental Cup. That's not even a WCC tournament that counts towards the KPB rankings either.

So how are we, a nation with no history ranked above one with such a proud history? Obviously a self imposed twelve year exile did Starblaydia no favours but you'd think that they would still know a thing or two about doing well in major tournaments. Apparently not though, for now at least. Which leads me on to the question I asked at the beginning of this piece.

Do they KPB rankings tell the truth? As far as I see it, the answer to that question can be both yes and no. Sel Appa, the third best team in the world? Yes according to the KPB rankings. According to current form thought they may not even be good enough to play in the World Cup. Sorthern Northland though, the forty-first best team in the world according to KPB, are on top of group seven, a group that includes the aforementioned Sel Appa as well at Bazalonia and Ad'ihan, ranked twenty-first and thirty-first respectively according to KPB. But this group is by no means decided, none of those four teams have yet to qualify for the World Cup finals. Indeed any of them could still be knocked out in the qualifying stages, all that is certain is that three of them will be good enough, one will not. The best team of the four? Sel Appa according to KPB, all of them are about equal according to form though and it is sure to be an exciting last two games in this group.

As for group six, the group the Starblaydi's are in, it is similarly exciting over there. Zwangzug, the highest KPB team in the group have arguably proved they are the best in the group by being the only ones to have qualified so far. As for the rest of the group though, just four points split them with Starblaydia sitting in third. Above them is Qazox, ranked twenty-second, and below them are Estresse Intenso and Lovisa ranked, thirty-eighth and thirty-sixth respectively. Certainly though opposition on paper but in reality? None of the teams below them have been as vocal as the four teams who can qualify for the World Cup in group seven and neither Starblaydia, Estresse Intenso or Lovisa have as many points as the four teams of group seven challenging for all three qualifying spots.

So what do this tell us? Not a lot really, all it say is that on paper both Sorthern Northland and Starblaydia have done well to be in the positions they find themselves in, and will have to do well in the next two games to stay there. Does it say who the better team is though? Historically it is obviously Starblaydia and they certainly have a decent claim that they are better than fifty-seventh but I would certainly suggest that part of that claim is based on the past, on their history. History though doesn't decide the results of the games played today.

Glenn Brigstock is a former professional footballer with SN Division One team, Heathfield City. Predicted to have a long career and to captain his country in the near future his career was tragically cut when he lost both legs in an accident involving a parachute, a train and a large quantity of beer. Glenn's fee for this column has been donated to the National Association of Support for Amputees, a charity which specialises in helping people who have had to be amputated. Any donations should be sent to National Association of Support for Amputees, C/O Heathfield Sports Weekly, 1 Patrick Pearse Way, Heathfield.

Alasdair I Frosticus

13-02-2008, 18:05

(OOC - this RP was inspired by a positive and encouraging comment C&M made regarding Taeshan's RPs. I hope it's taken in the intended spirit - this is a genuine tribute to Taeshan, not a pisstake)

Imperial Poet Laureate Guillermo B. Yeatses last night announced that he would temporarily stand aside and allow his friend and poetic comrade Eduard E. Cummingso to write today's match tribute....

Winning is fine)but Victory

By
Eduard E. Cummingso

Winning is fine)but victory

?o
baby
i

wouldn't like

Victory if Victory
were
bad:for

when(instead of guaranteeing qualification)you

begin to take it for granted,winning
's miraculous
why?be

cause victory isn't

perfectly natural;perfectly
putting
it mildly lively(but

Victory

is strictly
tactical
& tiring &

marvellous & legal)

we thank thee
god
almighty for letting us beat Taeshan 1-0
(forgive us,o life!the sin of victory)

The Pazhujeb Islands

13-02-2008, 18:10

KPB Rankings Least of Pazhujeb Islands' Concerns As Military Junta Continues Its Regime, Offensive Photo Found

The Pazhujeb Islands continue to struggle with the dictatorial reign of the military junta puppeting the nation's previously democratic government. The situation in the small island nation has become so grave that its national team has been entirely unable to even show up for matches. By some miraculous circumstance, however, the Purple Sea Urchins have managed to win two matches and draw several others.

Meanwhile, an unnamed nation in the Pazhujeb Islands' current region of Hyrule has leaked to the press a supposedly hilarious photo of two ethnically white young adults mocking a Pazhujebi citizen, full robe and all. Apparently it is funny to mock the sorry plight of undeveloped island nations during times of crisis in the region of Hyrule, and the Pazhujeb Islands have summarily declared their intentions to leave the region.

Where they will move to is still completely in question. Below is a copy of the offensive, tactless, and decidedly unfunny photograph.

http://x4c.xanga.com/ec7c4b63d8535173483917/t131894185.png

Alasdair I Frosticus

13-02-2008, 18:18

OOC - this is the last RP for either the Holy Empire or the Archregimancy until Monday the 18th, and more probably Tuesday the 19th. My apologies, but I'm going on a short holiday (always assuming that I can walk properly by tomorrow morning given the weekend's unpleasantness)

OOC2 - And d'oh again - this should obviously be an Archregimancy RP, not an AIF RP, and should be counted accordingly. I blame the painkillers I'm taking.

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Qualification

Fellow nations: we rejoice that despite losing to Demot again, our brave footballing monks have consolidated their position in the top three in Group 3, and are now guaranteed to qualify for the first time since World Cup 36. Clearly as the Lord allowed the Adversary to test His faithful servant Job, so have we been tested in recent years, and it fills our hearts with gladness that our faith has remained unshaken, despite the trials and tribulations we have faced of late.

We further rejoice that our 3-2 loss to Demot was a close and exciting affair, and only a top-class free kick from the home side in the 89th minute was eventually able to break the deadlock after a see-saw match of end to end action. Our fervent prayers to Venerable Stephen (In Monasticism Simeon), the Myrrhgusher and Prince of Serbia on this, the day that we commemorate his holy memory, that we not be as utterly overwhelmed by our opponents as we were in the return fixture bore fruit, and we are thankful.

With our last two matches against the Blouman Empire and the Catholic Heretics of the Evil Polish Donors, the Monastic Football Association has not ruled out the possibility that we may even be rewarded for our years in the wilderness by finishing first in the group. Truly this would be a miracle, but so good are Demot, that it would be hubristic in the extreme to express an expectation that this may yet come about.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Az-cz

13-02-2008, 18:47

OOC: I'll leave the Yeats for AIF and instead mangle a verse of a different sort. :)

Juxt-Pat came into office displeased both about the ratings for the game against Jariss earlier in the week and the result itself. While the team won it was not the most impressive of showings. He was hoping for good news when he got a call on his telephone.

"It's Maddy-Sunahv on the phone sir."

"Put him through."

"Hello. You've got the next set of advertisements? Yeah I've got some free time. Bring them down so I can have a look."

Maddy-Sunahv brought down a computer and popped up a video showing the next line of advertisements. Juxt-Pat knew he was going to be displeased as soon as he saw the animated footballers running out onto the pitch. And then the music started:

Soccer's like a thieving run here in Az-cz
Tackling, passing, scoring goals - it's a good buzz
They might play like Mister T or rewrite history

Cup Tales, Oo-oo
Everyday they're out there makin' Cup Tales, oo-oo
Tales of daring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

When it seems they're headed for the final curtain
Fighting spirit never fails, that's for certain
The worst of messes become successes!

Cup Tales, Oo-oo
Everyday they're out there makin' Cup Tales, oo-oo
Tales of daring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

A-A-A-Ariddia, watch behind you - there's a rival out to find you
What to do? Just grab onto some Cup Tales

<instrumental interlude>

Cup Tales, Oo-oo
Everyday they're out there makin' Cup Tales, oo-oo
Tales of daring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

A-A-A-Ariddia, watch behind you - there's a rival out to find you
What to do? Just grab onto some Cup Tales, oo-oo!
Everyday they're out there makin' Cup Tales, oo-oo
Tales of daring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo
Everyday they're out there makin' Cup Tales, oo-oo
Tales of daring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo
Not pony tails or cotton tails, no, Cup Tales, oo-oo!

Juxt-Pat shut off the video.

"This is what you bring me? It's a very good parody of the "Bug Tales" theme song and the part about making successes out of messes certainly fits our title runs from the last two cups, but it's a freaking cartoon. This is never going to work. Can't you find me something more appealing to an adult audience."

"But this tested well with adults as well as kids."

"I don't care. I'm not letting the first ever direct advertisement be a parody of a children's cartoon theme song. Back to work. But please do send me a copy of the video, for my personal collection and for the team."

And with that Juxt-Pat went back to work but he now had the damned song stuck in his head.

Taeshan

13-02-2008, 21:09

For the third cup in a row th purple knights fail to qualify after todays 1-0 loss to the holy empire.

Krytenia

13-02-2008, 21:41

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

There's Harmony In This Side
by Rami Niblick in Revane

IN the shadow of the Harmonium, beneath the eternal flame of Progress Tower, how fitting it was that Toivonen's toilers found this place to have their progress diverted to the Cup of Harmony. Ariddia, who had already qalified for the tournament, were too strong for the Krytenians, still tring to pull themselves together after a disastrous start to qualifying.

Gabriel Kennedy, newly installed as KFA head, looked up from his morning paper as the visitor entered his office. He then dropped the paper all over the floor when he saw the visitor's heaving bosom, then quickly regained his composure when he saw her face.

"Mm...Madame President..."

Dominique Domasca, tall, curvaceous and with skin the colour of strong coffee, sat herself in the chair on the other side of the desk. There was an odd gleam in her eye as she addressed Kennedy.

"I want you to understand something, Gabe. This World Cup bid, the forging of ties between us and Starblaydia, could be the most important thing that happens to our nation. We shall bend over backwards to get this tournament. I cannot be seen to let the great Tiberius Starblayde down!"

As she said this last sentence, Domasca got up with much flouncing, sending her bosom into a Dallasesque jiggle. Kennedy waited for her to leave, then pulled out a small black notebook. He began to write.

"President Domasca. PROS: Nice rack, good smile, excellent dress sense. CONS: Appears to think she is Mrs. Tiberius Starblayde. VERDICT: Do not attempt to date."

Dance 2 Revolution

13-02-2008, 22:24

OOC: Sorry for the lack of RPs, exams a plenty over january spilling into February, i'm back now, nice to see i'm not eliminated yet.

IC:

(Revolutionarian Football Association Press Conference)

Maeda: Hello, and welcome. I'm here today to talk about the state of Revolutionarian football, amongst other subjects. Firstly, I will address the media coverage as of late. As we are aware, we gave Channel 3 an exclusive right to broadcast Dance 2 Revolution's qualifying matches and other internationals. However, due to problems with their service, we will not be renewing this contract, which runs out after this World Cup qualifying. We are currently negotiating with a few companies, and we will announce the new home of football for the Revolutionaries in the coming weeks. The RFA apologise for the lack of media coverage during this campaign, and we will be trying to put into place the necessary procedures to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Now, moving on to the current qualifying campaign. We will continue to support current manager Darren Ferriol in his attempts to restore us to a footballing power again. We hope that he will stay on to bring our, and his, vision to fruition. In relation to the domestic league structure. The building of stadia around the country is still underway. During our meetings about the formation of the Premier League, we have come to the conclusion that Xplos-ive Football Club will be permitted to join provided there is no violence at the Szøixyde Stadium from now until the league formation. That's all for now, thank you very much.

(Channel 3, World Cup Review)

Rob: Welcome to "World Cup Review", Tonight we're going to review Dance 2 Revolution's trip so far in qualifying. Roman.
Roman: Thank you Rob, It's been a rollercoaster ride for the D2's this year. Impressive 4-1 and 1-0 wins over Kelssek and Qutar respectively on the opening matchdays provided an opening outlook to qualifying.
Rob: The qualifying seemed to turn after a 1-1 draw with Bonto and the mid-qualifying break left D2R crashing down to earth, with 1 point in the following three games leaving the Revolutionaries dropping from the pace and merely two points away from Qutar.
Roman: Following a crushing 6-2 defeat at the hands of Oliverry, which consequently qualified them, left one place left in Group 10 and only 1 point seperating 3rd placed Dance 2 Revolution from the rest of the pack.
Rob: That's right. Dance 2 Revolution still have it all in their own hands with the final two fixtures just around the corner, it does look promising. Ashalea and Bonto remain for the Revolutionaries, and although D2 will certainly be favourites for these two games, they haven't exactly been pushovers in previous matches, and they will surely be out for D2Rs scalp this time.
Roman: Well, we'll be back at the end of qualifiers, and hopefully every day during the World Cup proper to analyse Dance 2 Revolution's performance.
Rob: Until then. Goodbye.
Roman: Bye.

(Dance 2 Revolution training ground)

Ferriol: WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT S***?!?! Oliverry may be a good team but they are NOT 4 goals better than you. We've allowed our goal difference to fall dramatically, there is no room for error in the next two games. You know, I got the feeling out there that you lot would rather play in the Cup of Harmony than the World Cup proper. I *know* we have a history in the competition, but for the love of all that's holy let's keep it in the history books!! I expect you all here tommorow for training.
Seriiseiineii: But boss...
Ferriol: No breaks!

Cafundeu

14-02-2008, 00:52

Dancougar

14-02-2008, 01:27

Peter sat dejected in the dorm, Russ less so. Three-nil at home. Man, the chickens were supposed to help. And to make matters worse, the next one was Bettia. In Bettia. Peter didn't think he was going to want to watch DSPN after that one. That smarmy Jay Adonis was probably going to rip French a new one and tell everyone how they should've brought on fresh players for the second half like he'd said months ago.

"I can't believe nothing happened," Peter sighed. "What did we do all that for, then? Why were we fighting?" Dramatic anime close-up. "It's as if we were destined for this from the start, is there no way to..."

A clang from the window as a ladder was placed against the side of the building. Russ turned out of habit. "Oh, hey profe... LIKE, GASP!" Von Steuben did not climb into the room. Instead, it was Roddy, also known as the mysterious man from before. But only you guys know he was mysterious, and he wasn't even that mysterious. That's just me throwing adjectives around without the skills to back it up. In any case, Russ was a little confused. "And... you are?"

"Names MacStew. R~r~roddy MacStew," the man answered. "Ahm here to tell ya... there's a FLAWR in the Pinnacle chip!"

"A what in the what?" asked Peter.

"Are either of you Dexter?" Roddy asked.

"No, I'm Peter, and he's Russ..."

"Cr~r~ruuuuud! Wrong one." Roddy flipped through his pocket notebook. "Oh, yes, the chicken boys. Ah came to tell you that the king wonts ya to calm it dewn a bat. 'E thought the joomp was gr~reat foon, but doesn't wont the war~rld ta think thass what we'r~re all aboot."

"You mean... he was at the...?" Peter asked in surprise.

"No problem, that was a bit overdone," Russ said. "See, Pete, I told you."

"Well, doesn't matter I guess... not like it helped," Peter sighed. "I just thought it would make a dent, you know, but the Northlanders were right all along."

"New, I wouldn't say that!" Roddy exclaimed. "You see, boys, ya just got mixed oop. Mar~rgaret, she ain't a goodess a winnin', she's a goodess a chance. A bit a look, thass all." Peter leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Ya see, let men ear~rn what men wont. Mar~ragret might help you with a boonce, a good roon, but ya won't win a match jes 'coose ya burned a mallion chickens far'er."

"And it might even hurt you, if you push it without really knowing what you're doing," said Russ, starting to understand.

"Right, lad," said Roddy. "New, ah knoow ya meant no har~rm, but ease oop, all r~right? The war~rld knows new that we've got fans jes as r~rowdy as anyone. And one day, ahm shar we'll 'ave a team ya can be proud oof. For~r new, be patient is all."

"Thanks a lot, Mr. MacStew, we'll try to avoid anything too excessive from now on," said Russ. Peter nodded in assent, also understanding his mistake.

"R~right, I'm off, then!" said Roddy. "Althoo..." He looked at Peter's pen, where a single charred rubber chicken remained. "A last small one might not hur~rt... we doo have Bettia away."

Peter smiled. "I guess so," he said. "Thanks." Russ breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps things would return to normal, they could enjoy the remaining games like regular insane football fans, if there were such a thing, and get through the semester without causing any more serious damage. But while he knew the book was closed on this adventure, Peter was now thinking about was what he and the professor could cook up next to keep things lively.

Meanwhile, on the road...

"Hey, Roddy? Yeah, so we're monitoring network traffic, and something bizarre is going on. Packets all over the world are just disappearing in the middle of the cloud, like something's eating them up. And whatever it is keeps moving around sucking up all manner of random stuff. It's freaky, dude."

"AH CR~R~R~RUUUUUUUDDD!!"

Zwangzug

14-02-2008, 03:20

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Qualification!

Zwangzug's national football squad will officially go to World Cup 39, in Valanora or the UCS. Although it has Group 6's top rank, qualification as a fact was not known until it won its last match, against a squad from Minilla Island's vicinity.

Said match was a simplistic victory, 4-0; Gary Maini and Phillip Stings both had two goals. So far, Zwangzug's "GD" (a footballing statistic-but it's not too basic, so don't worry about it) is at +19. This is good, but last among squads in groups' first position.

Two squads not Zwangzug's will also qualify out of group six. Qazox is in front of Starblaydia, who got into third by winning against Lovisa (now fifth). Zwangzug and Qazox will play on qualification's final matchday, in Zwangzug, but Zwangzug will go to Samcoa first. Coach Mcgimpy will probably start normal subs in that match, but has not said who will play.

New Manhattan

14-02-2008, 03:51

Matchday 13 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13449249&postcount=15) are now up.

Yafalonia and Bazor 2

14-02-2008, 04:53

"I have to admit, you guys did a good job today... and well, I'm getting to like this no media..."

"We work hard and we play hard that's why we're FAIL HARD!" said Umar

"Yes, well, I have to say for a new team we've certainly haven't failed."

"That's the name of our league FAIL."

'At least these guys can play agressive football... I don't think they'd have the inteligence to play proper defense." Edward thought to himself as the team milled about. 3 goals 2 by Rachael... can you please not tease the crowd, they might start thinking your a Dallas."

"oh, what am I meant to do? Not do anything? That's how I celebrate it's as much as a part of me as being a cockroach is apart of you."

"Alright, don't get so defensive..."

"Hey, he just insulted me, I'm I striker I don't do defensive."

"Alright, calm down... let's just look over the match abit more."

"Noh'arms, your doing a great job dispite your disability.. but I need a rock solid defense in our upcoming game against Squornshelous you think you can get some bionic arms or something for the match?"

"I'm not disabled.. I can do anything I put my mind to. When I first wanted to be a goalie people laughed but not anymore or I'll take my leg and squahs you with it."

"Alright, alright, point taken... violence is not necessary."

"But violence is all we do!" complained the biggest and dumbest defender there is.

"Right, ON the field... at please... the Rejistani's goals where the result of penalty kicks, can you please not foul players in the circle."

"We've got our hardest match ahead of us... Wentland are one point ahead of us. To get to the WC proper we need to beat Squornshelous, they haven't lost a single game so far but if there is any team that can break their streak it's us. We need to beat the 5th ranked team in the world at their place, and with Wentland drawing or losing to Novapsolu then we've got our first WC Proper on our first attempt... which apart from a crazy WC26 and perhaps the first few WC's has never happened before."

Jeruselem

14-02-2008, 05:17

Jeruselem Government News

Queen Skate's Valentine's Day Tips!

It's going to be great day today. Our lovely football team took on Demot and beat Demot at home 2-1. This is without Kara Kool still, so it was great effort from our team over there. The team didn't seem distracted by today being Valentine's day but I'm sure they will be having a relaxing time after the game with some couples travelling together in the team.

The Jeru FC cannot qualify but look ... 6 wins so far and they will get better. This is their best ever campaign and apart losing to Wentland again ... they have done our nation proud!

This brings me to another topic, if you can't be with your Valentine - they are a lot of things you can do. Football people like me are used to this and we have ways of dealing with distance relationships!

Tip 1: The Internet is your friend

Don't ring your loved one and get slugged phone charges! Get a good internet connection and use something like Skype to get contact with your partner. If you can't speak to over the Internet due to crappy dial-up connection, use the Instant Messaging systems like MSN instead! Skype has an IM client too. Chat forums like IRC are good but they aren't always private so be a bit careful what you say there.

Tip 2: Video message

Don't be a lazy person and send a text or image message to your partner's mobile. Send a video! Record the message on your phone and send it. Just make sure you sent it to the right person!

I like to send videos of me to my man when I'm away like video diary. So the family is up-to-date with what's going on and they don't worry too much.

Dallas girls like sending nude videos too! Stops your man straying too much when you're away.

Tip 3: Keep positive

Don't talk about bad things. You don't want to worry your partner so at least for one day, talk up the positives. Don't have say much more about this one.

Tip 4: Spread the love

The bedrock of Jeruselem society is family unit, and all couples need a day to reaffirm the family bonds. Put the kids in the grandparents place and spend time together on Valentine's day.

Last Valentine's day, we spent the day on the beach with my man (the King of Jeruselem for those dopes who don't know), as well as Mum and her man (not my father though). This was a private beach. It was great day. Princess Jacinta wasn't there, she was hooning around Jeruselem with Flak Sho in a car.

Tip 5: Make Love not War

I think you know what I mean. I don't need to explain folks! For those who aren't tuned in, it's related to a three letter word starting with S and ending with X. There's an E in middle.

Tip 6: Don't annoy single people

There's people without partners because they don't have or have lost one or both. They might be still looking too. Don't annoy them, encourage them! If they feel bad on the day, leave them alone and don't make things worse.

Tip 7: Don't forget - plan ahead

Some people get into mad rush for stuff when they suddenly remember it's Valentine's day. You don't want to piss off the loved one because of a bad memory. Prepare for the day, and at least make an effort when you can't make it the day you want. I forgot is not an excuse.

Qazox

14-02-2008, 05:33

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 13: vs. Estresse Intenso @ Qazian Memorial Stadium
(Attendence: 101,523, 2nd largest ever in Qazox)
QAZOX 2
Estresse Intenso 1

In front of the 2nd largest crowd, in Qazox history, the Pheonix clinched their 7th trip to the World Cup and 5th consecutive one. A pair of goals from Anderson Tarricone in the 30th and 40th minute provided all the lead the team needed, as Estresse Intenso stumbled out of the gate and until late didn't even have a shot on net. The next game at Zwangzug is basically meaningless, as Zwangzug has clinched the group and Qazox has clinched second. But a win over a top 10 team on the road would be a great way to enter the World Cup. It is unknown if the team will go to Valanora or Commerce Heights, but this team has the look of a team that could do some damage in the Cup.

SUMMARY:
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (GOAL- 30')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (GOAL- 40')
Estresse Intenso: Doctor Rogério LANDAU (Goal 75')
Qazox: YELLOW CARD (Cyrus Stasinos- 86')

PHEONIX GOALS
Tarricone- 7
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-4 (missed the 1st E.I. Game and will miss the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

(ooc: Zwang please insert Russ Heberly for Cyrus Stasinos if you RP before me for MD14)

Green wombat

14-02-2008, 05:47

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS crash against Freaky Alienish types in Ulzaxid.

A tough 0-1 loss to Ulzaxid, kept that team's hopes alive for the World Cup, but the loss clinched 6th place for the struggling Wombats. Although the team won had performed better this time around (3-3-7) now compared to (2-4-8) 4 years ago, It may be too late for the Head Coach, and rumors abound as to who the next onw will be. In this reporter's opinion, NOT hiring a local is the best bet, but the GWFA probably will take a high school coach from some backwater and promote him, in "interest to spark home-grown talent". But that question is still a few months away.

A home match against Krytenia ends these qualifiers for the team, and win would be a nice send off into the CoH.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 6
William Diehl- 5
Danica Howes- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Phillip Milligan-1

Prux

14-02-2008, 05:57

"Live from the PWF Studios, it's time for Coach's Corner"

<Coach's theme music plays>

Coach Johnathonman: "That's right, MY OWN show. It's about damn time I got away from that old hack RJ and his stupid dog. I got kicked off the World Cup broadcast team in favor of that cheating bastard from Fujisawan Territories, Konichewa, or what ever his name is. So freaking what? I'm here to tell you the real truth, and the truth is: The team just sucks ass. But coach, the team finished 4th in its group, despite being the 5th seed! SO WHAT?!? We choked away wins against teams we should have beat, and that's what cost us! For instance, today's match. Last game out we were offically eliminated, so the team decided, "HECK, SINCE WE AIN'T GOING TO THE CUP, WHY BOTHER SHOWING UP?" Quakmybush destroyed us 4-0, even after we got a draw at their place earlier! Mr. Nicnann may know how to run the PWF, but as a head coach, he sucks. He's been thrown out of two games, had 3 players injured and signed one fo the bastards that injured one of our players! Tell you what, IF I were in charge of that bunch of washed-up wrestlers, We'd win 8 or 9 matches and storm into the Cup! That's right you heard me! I'm formally submitting my resume to the PFA to become the next coach. I already know they are keeping these losers around for the next attempt, and if they make me the Head Coach, I guarentee that we will make the World Cup! That's all the time I have, see you next week for the Coach's Corner."

Dancougar

14-02-2008, 06:02

(Crunch, bam, pow!)
ROBERT: First round over, and here's how they stand. Sharpe leads the pack, Papes and Adonis within striking distance. But our friend Kenji... BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!

ANNOUNCER: It's... Out of Bounds!

ROBERT: One-nil loss to Bettia on the road, probably the best result the Wings could've picked up last night. Last game in the group, and they're playing for pride... and possible placement. Fourth is definitely within reach, and that's a respectable show for your first run. What do you think guys, can they get it done?

BRADLEY: They'll definitely need to figure out how to win at home again, and against Kalmykstan, they should have a pretty good chance of doing that. They got the road draw before, that's always the tough half of a series, and played Bettia hard when they really could've just stepped aside and done nothing. (+2) It's going to come down to their play in the midfield. Ikeda is just a footnote at this point, here's a guy who played well in his first tournament and then lost his touch at crunch time. (+2) I think if Morimoto gets some good looks on the wing, which he's apt to do in games against slower teams, he could get the breakthrough. (+1)

JAY: You know, at this point, every game they play they're playing tired. Look, Bettia really had no incentive to play all their starters last night, which they didn't, and to say Dancougar isn't even as good as their second team isn't very encouraging. (+3) Everyone keeps saying Akira Morimoto this, Akira Morimoto that, he had a good game against Komekong and silent since then. I'll buy into whatever hype you want me to when they can compete with the top teams. (+2) As for placement, you look at Kalmykstan, and their offense seems to be just as potent as ours. Ten goals in thirteen games, and remember, Dancougar hasn't scored a home goal in three games. (+2) These are terrible trends to be taking into any match.

DREW: But look at the schedule, Adonis! Taeshan have Vephrall on the road! I'd be surprised to see them tie that game, this is a great chance for the Wings to steal a spot at the end. (+2) We've seen whenever they get a break and play a team like Kalmykstan, they look a little more poised, because they're playing someone of the same class. It's a better matchup, they're more confident that they can get a result, and their play shows it. (+2) I'm not saying it's good that they can't seem to summon the right energy in games where they need it the most, but that's not the point anymore! They're going to get back to what they're good at and worry about making adjustments after the tournament's over. (+2)

JAY: It's going to be with all new players, though, Papes! These guys will all have graduated before the next tournament, there's no league for them to stay in, you might get two or three guys back! (+3) No one will have the experience or the conditioning, and the next Wings team is going to have to be remolded and retrained, and that's definitely not a recipe for success at this level. (+1)

BRADLEY: I think what you're missing, Jay, is that they're going to be making changes throughout the entire college football system with these new goals in mind, specifically in the way players train and are taught the game. (+2) This is certainly a project that will span years, maybe decades. And the first step, is win the games you need to now. Beat Kalmykstan, put yourself in fourth or fifth in your first qualification, and move on. (+1)

ROBERT: Papes, last word?

DREW: I think Bradley is absolutely right. This group will still be involved at some level, preparing players to make the jump to the national team, passing on what they've learned, their mistakes, all in the name of ensuring smooth transitions. (+2)

ROBERT: Well, that's the horn, and it actually was the last word for you, Drew, because you're the low man! Any last words?

DREW: Do your part, burn a rubber chicken. (MUTE! -1)

ROBERT: Haven't we had enough of this madness? Showdown next between Sharpe and Adonis. Two men enter, one man leaves. Anyone up for a Dallas Valentines Day surprise? And can a cockroach really guide a surprising group of first timers into the big dance? HORN!

Hopeless SC

14-02-2008, 06:33

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Not bad for the last road match of World Cup 39. Now can your team please win a home match!

Grades for Taeshan match:
Effort: C
Control: D-
Offense: F
Defense: D-
Overall: D

Lesson Your Team Learned: Much hard work is needed to compete with the world's elite.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderately High (for World Cup 40)

Casari

14-02-2008, 06:35

The final whistle was barely audible over the cheers of qualification. The celebration is fast and complex, but usually happens in a number of specific steps.

Step 1: Joy

"WHOO!" Hill screamed, tackling her nearest teammate and prompting a slightly violent but nonetheless exciting pile-up, which took a little bit to unravel everyone from. This was naturally followed up by some airplanes, before leading the crowd in some of the favorite off-color songs, throwing kits into the crowd as memorable keepsakes of a mildly entertaining day.

Step 2: Drunkenness

The players, of course, took part in the requisite champagne shower, spraying each other (some of the more wuss-inclined wore goggles), but this activity usually ends in drinking the champagne that isn't successfully sprayed out of the bottle. And then the cases of beer that had been stashed in a closet, or perhaps a disused bathroom stall or shower. Maybe some shots. You know, whatever is handy. And of course, this celebrating tends to roll over to the local, where a good, drunken time is had by all.

Step 3: Sleep

Sleep comes in many forms. Sometimes in a bed, sometimes on a sofa, sometimes in your yard, sometimes in someone else's yard, sometimes a few steps out of the penalty box in a puddle of your own vomit. It also comes in many forms- a deep restful sleep, an uncomfortable sleep because you passed out on top of a rock, a deeply troubling sleep because you're dreaming about elves trying to eat your kidneys. But that's a kind of sleep too.

Step 4: Regret

Everyone knew that this would be coming- the kind of first class celebrations and yard sleeping that is evident after such an event can only result in hangovers of a massive magnitude. There's different ways around this, of course, but one is the most common.

Step 5: Enjoying the Hair of the Dog

Well... it works.

Step 6: Drunkenness

Okay, one thing leads to another, what can you do? You qualified, it's not like the party will just last one day. Or two. It's hard to say- when do you have to go back to work?

Step 7: Acceptance

Parties can't last forever. Thousands of party scientists have come to that conclusion long before our current partying civilization came about. At some point, we accept that we've qualified, and have to return to daily life, and continue the cycle.

Step 8: Fear

"Oh god oh god oh god what if we get a bad draw oh god what if there's a bizzare string of ankle injuries and we have to send a team of rookies oh god I need a drink."

Step 9: Work

Aye, you can't quit your job to party. That has a disturbingly bad record of working, as many of the world's greatest partiers can tell you. And once you go back to work, life starts to get back to normal. Unless it's the weekend, but it's difficult to cover every single possibility in a single post, isn't it?

Kelssek

14-02-2008, 10:56

A simple 1-0 victory over Bonto, coupled with a viewing of the group standings, had Football Kelssek in a state of consternation.

"We're one point out, could we actually... qualify?!"

"Anything could happen, and hope springs eternal," the technical director said, hoping to obfuscate matters with sports-cliche-speak.

"I don't think we've budgeted for it," someone from the financial department added, helpfully.

"Dance 2 Revolution would have to be upset, but anyway, McPsychoville is the top-ranked team in our group."

Strange looks were issued.

"Oh, wait. They're the first team in our group. They're... unranked."

The technical director sighed, "We could always call the government and beg for money..."

Starblaydia

14-02-2008, 11:20

"... as I said, I'm sorry, Madam President, but he's in a crucial national security meeting and cannot be disturbed..."

Simeone Di Bradini had just walked into the anteroom of Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde's main office and evidently there were international power plays going on as Starblayde's Private Secretary of Communications - a glorified receptionist and call-screener, it seemed - was handling international affairs.

He waited at the corner of the Secretary's desk, though he'd been acknowledged as soon as he'd opened the door - obviously seen on the security systems from when he had been within a thousand yards of the lush Praetoran Palace. The Secretary looked up, covered the mouthpiece of the phone with his hand, and whispered to Simeone.

"Lord Starblayde says you can go straight in," he said, "he's expecting you." He went back to his conversation. "Yes, I will certainly deliver the message to him when they break for refreshments. Yes, word for word. Yes, with the kisses at the end, too. All three of them."

The Secretary gestured towards the door as Simeone stifled a chuckle. He went to the ornate wooden door and opened it, stepping through into the 'official' Praetoran office, with Tiberius Starblayde sitting with his feet up on his desk, watching SCB:Sports and their report on the fallout from the Wing Wang Woo defeat, focusing on Fernando Rodriguez's mistake that gifted the victory to Starblaydia's opponents.

"He's done that a lot in his career," Tiiberius said, "giving up crucial goals right when we don't need it."

"They do keep mentioning the eight defeats by a single goal in the last qualification campaign," Simeone agreed, "it is a little unfair considering the five straight victories we had until the Qazox match."

"The buck has got to stop somewhere, Simeone," Tiberius said gravely, "and this time it'll be right at he top."

"You mean," Simeone was taken aback, "Betanii's out if they don't qualify?"

"Oh no," Tiberius replied, taking his feet off the desk, swinging his chair around and standing up, "Betanii's job is safe until at least the end of whatever cup we end up in after the Samcoa match. She'll probably be in charge for World Cup Forty, I've told her as much. I meant the top, politically." He caught Simeone's reaction and smiled. "No, not me: Rikaard. He told me about your little chat yesterday, fairly apoplectic with rage, he was."

"I overreacted," Simeone said, "he's been like that for years but..." Tiberius cut him off.

"I've had enough of him." Tiberius had his serious face on. "Betanii told me he had a little session with the players before the game, she had no idea until it was over. He gave them all sorts of motivational bollocks and, crucially, tactical advice. They were too foolish and inexperienced enough to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier - 'he worked with Nikola Lazerevski', after all. So they listened, and that's why," he said, pointing to the TV, "Betanii is looking like she got off the wrong team bus in the dugout there."

"So," Simeone began, trying not to sound like he was making a request - which he wasn't, "who's for the job then?"

"Oh I'll find someone," Simeone said, "but it won't be you, my friend. I have a more important job for you, which if you refuse will leave me in a right pickle."

"Oh?" Simeone wondered what was in store for him this time. 'More important' could mean anything, from jovial triviality to earth-shattering impact.

"Simply, we need an Ambassador for the World Cup Forty extra-large hotsing bid. You presented the trophy in World Cup Twenty, after all, and I'm after you to do this service to our country, our community and our sport."

"Of course." Simeone was stunned, but could do nothing but accept. He was about to say something further when Tiberius' mobile phone interrupted them, blaring out a very loud quirky, hi-fi quality tune.

<It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere, I'm all alone, more or less...>

"Oh shit," Tiberius exclaimed, "how did she get this number?"

"Who?" A confused Simeone answered.

"Dominique Domasca, the Krytenian President," Tiberius said, not having to add her job title.

"Well you've obviously got hers," Simeone chuckled, "otherwise why the ringtone?" It was still ringing.

<...goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes...>

"They put all the numbers I might need in here," Tiberius said frantically, holding the phone in front of his face, staring at 'Dominique calling...', "what do I do?"

<...fun, in the sun, sun sun...>

"Answer it?" Simeone offered. Tiberius pressed the green button.

"Hi Dominique," he said, more cheerily than he looked, "how can I help?"

Whatever answer she gave, Tiberius was mouthing "Fuck off" at Simeone, tilting his head towards the door. The ex-footballer chuckled and walked out out the room. Ambassador Di Bradini, eh? Not bad...

Adihan

14-02-2008, 11:50

POINT OF VIEW
Cup of Harmony bound, with love to Starblaydia

By DAVEY THOMSON
Football Columnist

I'm afraid it's come. Neither Sorthern Northland nor Bazalonia won their match. And this means that while we're tied on 29 points with the both of them, they're both through. And I'm sure you know why.

Yep, we play Sel Appa next. The only other team – two points behind the three leaders – who can qualify. The equation appears to be simple. Win, and we're through. Draw, and we're through. Lose, and well, we're Cup of Harmony bound. [To add even more irony to that, Sel Appa are bidding to host the Cup of Harmony.]

A couple of days ago I wrote a column in response to a Starblaydi newspaper editorial I'd read. I'd like to say how much I'd give right now for us to be in their spot. I'm sure just as well they would love to be in our spot, third going into the last matchday, but one glance at our opposition for our final match and that's enough to turn most people of.

Sure, we may be at home, but they're the world number 3. A world number 3 side that has severely underperformed this qualifying tournament, no doubt, but still world number 3. And while we may have somehow beaten them 4-3 at NativeZone in Sel Appa it's going to take a hell lot of better defending to win at home at the Protectorate Stadium.

We'll have a full house, that's for sure. But when has home support ever counted for anything when it came to Ad'ihan? How many people actually travelled to Liverpool England when we had to play there? Less than 20,000 Ad'ihani fans travelled to the LE national stadium – a colossal stadium that seats nearly ten times that – to see us play Candelaria And Marquez in our pre-qualifying warm up.

It's that same number of people who will be the real fans at our crucial final match. The other 40,000 or so of you? Well, you'll be there, and you'll "support" us, but none of you really give a waste about whether or not we make it, such is the sad truth.

What has not made matters any better is this sudden out-of-the-blue revelation that team manager Dave Hollow lied on his job application about his health, and that's been putting a lot of spotlight on Dave. Let the man do his job already. You're just heaping a whole load more pressure on the guy, who's already got a ridiculously difficult task ahead of him.

We're Cup of Harmony-bound, lads, let's face it. Let's just hope against the irony of ironies that we will have to play in Sel Appa. I don't think that's going to go down very well.

To Starblaydia, if any of your people took offence at my earlier column, well, I guess I'll have to retract that won't I? Especially if, as I fear, we fail to qualify. Hey, maybe you guys can do us a favour and fail to qualify too.

With love to Starblaydia, and best wishes to the boys (Go get 'em!),

Davey Thomson

Davey Thomson has been Radio Ad'ihan International's Chief Football Correspondent for the last 14 years and has covered the entirety of Ad'ihan's football history. He will be writing a column after every few matches for the Islands Daily.

Candelaria And Marquez

14-02-2008, 13:48

Somewhere…

“Oh god! Oh godohgodohgodoh… oh…”

“Sukie! Sukie, shh-shush now… You’re fine now.”

Sukie gulped, forced back the tears and focused on her breathing. “Lyndon…”

“Shush… You’ve, uh, you’ve given us a bit of a scare these last few, well, months I guess, but you’re fine, you’re fine…”

“It… Everything’s back to normal?”

“Yes. And don’t worry about giving us the low-down just yet, it can wait until you’re back on your fe–”

“There’s no war? No… Fu?”

“Uh… I don’t think so, no.”

“Oh, god… There’s no eggs, though? I mean, no wolves? No ipotanes? And the Vephrese exchange students are okay?!”

“I… don’t think we have any Vephrese exchange students, but if we do I’m sure I’d have heard if there’s been any wolf-related incidents. What’s a hippo train? Look, perhaps you should sleep some more, it’s bound to be confusing for a while.”

“No!” She suddenly felt wide awake. “No… I… What happened, Lyndon?!”

“Well… I hope you were in a changed reality where C&M started playing international football in the sixties. You were, weren’t you…?”

“Yes… But, I mean, what happened? How do you know that; why was I there?”

“Ah, yes. Doctor Robinson suggested there’d be some memory problems for a short while… Look, are you sure you–”

“Yes!”

“Right. Well, you remember I told you about the time dilation devices…?”

“Yes!” she snapped. “Of course.”

“O-kay… Well, obviously they can’t keep pushing events back through time willy-nilly. Now that we’ve rather unwittingly set things in motion, it was decided it was important to establish just how much the time-line would be changed the further back the events went, you see?”

“Ye-es…”

“Well, so, rather than wait three years until it happened, we hit upon the bright idea of using svarts, you see? You remember any of this?”

“Um…”

“By using svarts to help someone dream several decades worth of extra football matches, you see, we could fool the Device into forcing our most early matches back years… And then that person would be able to see just what we’re up against.”

“And that person was… me?”

“Yea… Well, sinceyou’reatemporalanomalyanyway, we reasoned that the Devices would be unable to place you properly–”

“Yes… It said.”

“Hm? Well anyway, we knew that after a while your presence there would become too… odd, if you like, for the Device to cope with. Then they’d just push you back here, the new universe you’d created would bobble along happily and we’d have first-hand intel on how to deal with these things.”

“How did you know that?!” Sukie demanded. “That I’d be ‘pushed back here’?”

“It said so on the box. Right under May Contain Nuts and Not Suitable For Children Under Two-Hundred Years.”

“But… It didn’t happen like that! I used a Device to get back!”

“No-o… No, that was before, you’re thinking of. The C&M of the new universe’d’ve had no need for a Device, would it? Their football had already been pushed back.”

“But… No, they were using a Device. They’d done something wrong, they said, and it was tearing holes in the fabric of reality! I thought… I thought everything would, like, collapse, so I corrected it with the Device and… Here I am.”

She lay in the hospital bed, and Hernández sat on a chair beside her, in silence.

“What have I done?” she whispered.

Hernández blew out his cheeks. “We-ell… I don’t think the, um, tearing a hole in the fabric of reality thing would be anything to do with a Device… They don’t tend to do that. Probably just a coincidence. Mm-hm, yes. But, um… Well, since you pre-empted the Device Network pulling you back, I guess by re-setting the Device over there, you, uh, dreamed that reality out of existence…”

“I… Killed them all, then?”

“Surely you realised that’s what would happen?”

“I… Of course. But… I didn’t have to, right? I could’ve just waited, and both realities would’ve existed?!”

“Uh… Well, yes. But I wouldn’t let it bother you, you created it in the first place, so… The important thing is whether the changes in football had any tangible effect on C&M as a country, and Candelariasian society. We need to know if we really are changing the past by doing this, we… Sukie, what are you doing, I –”

But she was already leaving, scrambling off the bed, grabbing a heap of clothes off the bedside table and marching out of the room, a staring Hernández behind her. She pulled on a pair of trousers and a jumper and began to break into a run, storming down several flights of stairs and past dozens of gaping nurses and past reception and out into the car park and out into the street and–

No… No, this wasn’t right either! Outside Albrecht General Hospital, it should have been heaving with people, with shoppers, with workers. It was bright sunshine, for heaven’s sake! But it was as dead as the other Albrecht, the other El din, and they certainly weren’t hosting a World Cup here, were they?

She ran on down the street, turning a corner blindly. A woman in a headscarf sat on a plastic chair outside a shut shop, bouncing a baby on her knee.

Sukie caught her breath from somewhere. “’Scuse me, miss… Where – Where is everyone?”

The woman rolled her eyes and ruffled her son’s hair. “They’re all in the pub, aren’t they? We don’t understand this obsession with kicking a ball around, do we Mohammed? No…” She looked back up at Sukie. “You alright, luv?”

“I… Possibly. Thanks…”

Sukie walked a little further down the road and slipped into the Copper Kettle. The smell and the noise were almost overpowering. She breathed it in. She gagged slightly and her eyes watered.

She watched one man leave his seat to slip out to the loo, and ignoring the drunkenly baffled stares of those around her authoritatively took his place. A collective, involuntary ‘oooh’ went up around the room as José Felipe Cassumba Domingos hit a shot just wide of the post on the half dozen screens dotted around the place.

“What’s the score?” she asked.

“Wunnil. Veweth. Briiant shut, fromma ejaja eruruh.”

“Oh. Good. Uh… Who’re we playing again?”

“Jariss,” a man with a slightly more refined sense of Candelariasian decorum, told her. “Not that it really matters of course, we’ve qualified anyway. This is just a bit of fu– ooh!”

O’Sullivan Caras had squeezed past Joa Giranu. Even Sukie could tell he was in a good position now. He dribbled on a little way, then unleashed a swerving cross into the box.

Fya Panai got to it first though, and tied to clear the ball upfield. Ignacio Vélez was left stamping a foot in annoyance in the box, but neither of them had accounted for the power of Ramiro Novo. The lefty striker tackled and won the ball off Fae Numuu in the midfield and began pacing forward as the Jarissian defence backed off.

Sukie, and dozens of others in the Kettle rose to their feet. They couldn’t help it. They were drawn to the screen, drawn to the hulking Hispanic striker in C&M colours. He teed up his shot, and smashed the ball into the left-hand corner, leaving Tali Vindu to watch it go in sadly.

It wasn’t an important game. They’d already qualified. But it didn’t seem to matter. Sukie allowed herself to be swept up in a pile of jumping, screaming bodies and joined in with an inebriated rendition of “Coz we’re Cndleeria! Cndlrra n Mrqueeeez! By far the greatest team, the world has ever seen!”

She was still whistling it once the game had finished and she’d left, and she didn’t even cry once until she was back at her flat.

An End, after a fashion

This unnecessary tangential subplot was brought to you in association with Kwik-Fit: Because you can’t get better than a Kwik-Fit fitter.

No ipotanes were harmed in the making of this… thing.

Bazalonia

14-02-2008, 14:42

Verona Inc 0-0 Globo Multimídia
Bostopian Tourist Board 1-0 Dallas International Enterprises

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Verona Inc 4 3 1 0 6 1 5 10
2 Bostopian Tourist Board 4 3 0 1 8 6 2 9
3 Globo Multimídia 4 1 2 1 6 4 2 5
4 Banco Econômico 4 0 2 2 3 7 -4 2
5 Dallas International Enterprises 4 0 1 3 0 5 -5 1

Semi-finals

Verona Inc. Vs. Banco Econômico
Bostopian Tourist Board Vs. Globo Multimídia

Tynelia

14-02-2008, 16:16

The Best Defense is…

…Something not to be found with using a defensive style it seems for Tynelia. After many years of playing defensively and generally mired in the top third when it came to goals allowed, Tynelia now finds itself tied with Cafundeu for the top spot with 6 goals allowed each. Only Arridia and Vephrall with 9 goals allowed are under the 10 mark so far. Tynelia had held a nice edge until the 2-2 draw with Oliverry, a team which has accounted for three of Tynelia’s six goals allowed, fitting enough for the number two seed in the group. This was also the first goals allowed by Tynelia in the second half of the qualifiers, though it may be good to get these goals out of the team’s system before the Cup proper begins.

With the qualification and group win locked up, Tynelia is looking to lock up the fewest goals conceded mark as they face 151st ranked Ashlaea at home in their final matchup of what may end up being their first ever undefeated World Cup qualifiers run. For those interested Cafundeu faces Solenial, ranked 67th in what looks to be the deciding matches for the defensive title as Arridia has #20 Bostopia and Vephrall has #48 Taeshan in their finales. The odds appear to be in Tynelia’s favor but that’s why they play the games.

The irony of all this is that Tynelia, as it has for the past three Cups, is now fully transitioned over to an attacking style. While not the all out assault that has made Bettia famous for their goal totals, an attacking mentality is definitely present, as evidenced by a top ten overall goal differential mark to date. Perhaps this style is in fact indirectly a cause for better defense as the other team can’t score if the pace of the match is played on their end of the field. Add too that Tynelia is not totally abandoning defense and you get a result where even if the ball does find itself near the Tynelian net, there is a competent defensive arrangement waiting for it.

All in all it seems the old saying is indeed true. The best defense appears quite correctly to be a good offense. Its just too bad it took us so long to figure it out.

-----------------------------------------------------

To: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

From: Bishop Theodore Ordreszi
Tynelian Orthodox Church

Allow me to offer my congratulations of the Archregimancy team’s return to the World Cup proper. While it and of itself is a great deed, akin to the liberation of Constantinople from the false Christian bandits, the TOC has even greater joy of your success.

As you are well aware, Tynelia has been tested by the mockery of our faith called the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, an insult to Orthodoxy everywhere. One of their so-called signs of glory has been the inability of your monks to qualify into the Cup proper since your leaders briefly levied an anathema against Tynelia because of those heretical beliefs. So now that you have returned to the grand stage it is devotedly hoped here, that is the first sign that the Lord is ready to smite these heretics and so their false church shall tumble to the ground like the walls of Jericho.

After all, if one of the foundations of a false faith is undermined how soon shall the rest fall along with it? It is our hope that it shall be soon and we have your people to thank for the first sign of real hope for those of the true faith since the abomination set forth in our land.

Yours in the service of Christ, Our Lord,
Bishop Theodore Ordreszi
Senior Bishop of the Tynelian Orthodox Church

Jariss

14-02-2008, 16:29

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

Worn Out Spiders Stumble to Finish

After such a promising first half which saw the team solidly in contention for a qualification spot, the numbers game proved too much to overcome for the plucky Spiders. With only a handful of reserves available to rest the starters, the team found itself worn out in much of the second half as they were unable to score in their first five matches of the half before finally putting up a lone goal in a 2-1 defeat to Az-cz. Then they were promptly shut out in the next match.

You could tell this run of the qualifiers was a matter of the spirit being willing but the flesh being too weak. Despite the losses the team can hold its head high in that every match was very close and competitive, the defense still good enough to not allow more than two goals per match in the second half. Even the five goal outburst by Az-cz in the first half was cut down to a more manageable two in the rematch. Unfortunately the Spiders visibly tired in the second half of their matches where most of the goals allowed were given up as the players found themselves a half step slow, or a few feet out of position at key times. That small margin being the difference between a draw and defeat.

The team hopes to end the qualifiers on a winning note against unranked Wavispa and then keep their fingers crossed for an invitation to the Cup of Harmony where hopefully a shorter string of matches will allow the team to stay rested enough to be a factor. On the positive side nearly 450,000 sindus have been donated by viewers during the qualifiers to help the relief efforts here on the isle as we prepare for the arrival of the Tour de Qazox’s sixth stage in a few months.

Bostopia

14-02-2008, 16:45

Ooc: I had much better ideas for this RP, but unfortunately two bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale and too many double-Jaeger Red Bulls have caused the brain cells which used to hold the aforementioned better ideas to become non-existant.

IC:

---Lab Seven, The Institute of Medical Energies (T.I.M.E.), deep below Nunningterry, Bassingdale State, Bostopia---

“And that, Mr. G. H. Wills, is the last one.” Mr. J. Price said as a minter stepped out into modern-day Bostopia.

“Top show!”

At that point, three scientists walked into the room, to be greeted by the entire cast of players and supporting characters of the 1880-1881 Association Football League.

“Hello everybody.” The lead one said, as the older folk started walking out the room.

“Um, Jeff, we might have a slight problem.”

“I'm aware of that, I'm just ignoring it til we figure out what to do.”

“Trick them all into going back?”

“We never figured out how to send them back, so good luck with that one.”

The three men sighed, watching the rest of the teams leave.

---Pennick Lane, Fort Boston---

“Where's our ground gone?” Was the question those involved with Writer's Sports Club were asking, staring at a housing development which now sat atop what used to be a field used for playing football, with a modest stand and changing facilities, which was now probably underneath somebody's toilet.

“We need to get these houses off our field.”

“Undoubtedly. Though I have a plan.”

“Top show Mr. D. Walters, do tell...”

And so it conspired that over the coming days, people started moving out of their homes in droves, screaming about ghosts from the eighteen-hundreds inhabiting their homes. Not just in Pennick Lane, but all over Bostopia where football grounds once stood.

---Fort Boston Magistrates Court---

The Magistrate looked at the list of lands which no-one now wanted to live on, then looked up at the persons who were attempting to buy the land.

“It seems that in all cases, the occupiers fled their homes after being scared witless by persons who appeared to be from the Nineteenth century.”

The members of the Association Football Board looked at each other, tipping their hats politely.

“You gentlemen would not happen to be aware of who these persons were, would you?”

The men gathered into a circle, before Mr. I. P. Freely stepped forward.

“No, your honour, we do not.”

“Of course. Now, do you have the moneys to pay for these lands?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Please present it to the court.”

The treasurer of the A.F.B. stepped forward, throwing a large sack of newly-minted-money (the minter in question held a license until his death, which, seeing as he was “alive” again, made him legally within his rights to print money) under the Magistrates nose.

“Well, all seems to be in order. I hereby announce that the Association Football Board and it's member clubs hereby own the land in question, and are free to build stadiums on it to the exact design of their 1880 specifications.”

A man stepped forward.

“But, your honour, what of the clubs who still use the same ground, such as The Fort Boston Football Club?”

A lawyer for F.B.F.C. stepped forward.

“It's actually Fort Boston F.C. now, though we'll come to a private arrangement.”

The Magistrate, who wanted rid of these footballers (past and present) from his court, looked pleased with the answer from the lawyer.

“I am happy for The Fort Boston Football Club and Fort Boston F.C. to come to a private arrangement, if The Fort Boston Football Club agrees?”

“Yes, we agree.”

“All is settled then.”

And so it was, that the 1880/1881 season of the Association Football League moved a step closer to it's season opening... for the first time in a couple hundred years anyway.

Daehanjeiguk

14-02-2008, 19:01

Sports Inquiry - "Death by Football!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) 4-0 (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) 0-0 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

MBC International, unable to a retain a good speaker of English to broadcast new reports, wishes instead to satisfy our International viewers with a dramatized version of the recent football match in Bostopia. We hope you like...

The Imperial Team arrives in Bostopia to the jeering cries of the local populace...

Jeong: Wow, these people really must hate us.

Baek: We beat them at home last time. They'll want fresh blood now.

Cha: Okay, team. They're a good team out there, but we have to stay strong. They'll want fresh blood from us, because they're a bunch of tank-riding barbarians. And because their local airport security won't let us take our anti-tank weaponry... we're stuck here without anything to fight back. We must stay strong.

Kim: Coach, we can't hope to stay strong against a team with tanks! That's almost cheating!

Cha: I know, but so was using anti-tank weapons. They want blood, and by the sons of Kongja, they'll probably get it. But I'll tell you now - they'll get it and we'll get it right back! You hear me? We've got the indomitable spirit, and there's nothing that they can do to us that we can't do to them!

Kim: I hope that you're right.

Kim: Oh my god! They've got artillery!

Kim: That's not artillery, that's just a really big gun.

Kim: What's the difference?

Kim: A really big gun isn't artillery. Besides, how could they use a howitzer on a football field?

Kim: Come to think of it, how could they use tanks?

Cha: Get yourselves together! Now, it's almost time for play. Let's give them hell!

The Imperial Team takes the field, and stares down the daunting tanks of the Bostopia team. It seems harsh to say, but things looked grim for the team as Bostopia drew first blood.

Kim: Kim!

Kim: Go on without me! I'll manage. It's only an arm.

Kim: But that was your good arm! We can't go on without you.

Kim: Sometimes, you have to learn to let go... I need to see the doctor now, because this arm won't reattach by itself.

As Kim Yongdae exits the field, the Imperial Team gets the free kick. But a stray tank shell blows up and knocks the ball back in for a goal.

Cha: This is murder. We can't play a game like this!

Go: Coach. You have to keep things together here! We need your strength!

Cha: I've coached this team in all of my life, but this is probably the worst match ever! I can't win a match with tanks!

Go: But you remember the indomitable spirit! We can give them hell!

Cha: Oh come on. Do you really believe that %$#^? We've got to be realistic here. There's only one thing that will stop these tanks...

Go: What if we steal one?

Cha: *ponders to himself* That just might do. Ahn Pilrip! Come here!

Ahn: Yes, Coach?

Cha: Go steal a tank from the Bostopians.

Ahn: What? I can't just steal a tank from them.

Cha: Yes you can! Just go and do it. When you're done, come onto the field in full force and lead the charge!

Ahn: This game has gone to war! Die you barbarians!

At that moment, Ahn Pilrip goes to the Bostopian camp and not only steals a tank but their fuel, their drugs, their stash of porn (male and female alike), their hot dogs, their incense sticks, and a thermonuclear warhead.

Cha: Ahn! Go put that back!

Ahn: Oh, I'll put it back! In a billion pieces! *laughs miserably*

Cha: Come on! We don't want to start a nuclear war here!

Ahn: They started a nuclear war when they tore off Kim Yongdae's arm! We'll give them hell!

The bomb explodes and knocks aside all of the Bostopian team. their goalkeeper lies mangled at the bottom of his tank somehow, and Yi Yeongpyo takes advantage of the situation.

Ahn: Go Yi! Go Yi!

Team: Go Yi! Go Yi! Give 'em hell!

Cha: God, I'm going to retire after this mess...

Yi scores the equalizing goal, just as the referee blows the whistle.

Cha: Well, we've done the impossible and drew the Bostopians at their home ground. They got blood, but we got it right back. Now... let's get back home before anyone else notices the nuclear explosion. We've got a must-win match against Ulzaxid now.

Credits...

Goal Scorers:
9 - Jeong Jihun
5 - Kim Daeeui
3 - Yi Yeongpyo
2 - Baek Jihun
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Son Daeho, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Cafundeu

14-02-2008, 19:49

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OS CONSUMIDORES DERROTAM SEUS PRODUTOS!

http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/7686/semttulo2bw5.jpg
Stadium nearly filled for the game

Cafundéu already qualified. So, there’s no reason to try to win the remaining games... false! The Monopolists need to continue winning games, because the fans are still going to the stadium. And today wasn’t different, as the Cafundelense supporters invaded the Obelisco Monumental to see the last game of Cafundéu at home for this World Cup qualifiers. The game was against the products from The Supermarket, and the final result was the expected one: 3x0 victory, that made the supporters satisfied.

Changes and Absences: return of most starters; Marcelo Rocha enters in Léo Mattos’s place, and Vergara gives his place to Marcelinho.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: The Supermarket, the products going to play in a consumerist country.

FIRST HALF: the red-black team wanted to score in the first minutes of the game, so attacked since the start, pressing the opponents and using all the speed of the midfielders. In a good chance, Marcelinho sent the ball to Flecha inside the area, but the attacker sent the ball over the bar. The goal only came minutes after, when Da Silva crossed the ball to the area and Marcelinho jumped, headed, and scored the goal.

The supporters seemed relieved with the goal, that showed that The Supermarket wasn’t able to make any surprises in this game. And, in fact, that was right. The Supermarket couldn’t react, and had few chances during the game. Still in the first half, Cafundéu was even able to score the second goal of the game. Da Silva dribbled Baguette and passed the ball to Anormal. The midfielder made an excellent pass to Neto, who dribbled the keeper and scored the goal.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Neto’s goal): “Da Silva rrrrreceives a long ball in the rrrrright wing, smart move in the drrrrribble against Baguette, pass now to Anorrrrrmal. The giant looks at the arrrrrea, pass to Neto, a drrrrribble against Nappies, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! R-r-r-r-r-replay this! Neto, number ten! Cafundéu one, The Superrrrrmarrrrrket zerrrrro! Quality rrrrrice, prrrrroduced in Elville, is Tio João! Use it in the lunch, and in the dinner!”

SECOND HALF: both teams made changes for the second half. Franz Braddock put another attacker in the team, wanting to see more goals. Using three attackers, Braddock trusted the solid defence of Cafundéu, which has suffered few goals in these qualifiers. And the Monopolists could score soon. Marcelinho dribbled two players before passing the ball to Fabrício. The attacker shot with strength and scored the third goal of the game.

The Supermarket couldn’t do anything. The coach tried to do something, putting Marlboro Lights to fire the game, but in the end the lights didn’t do anything special. Pitta failed to score in some moments too, and Cafundéu could hold the positive result until the end of the game. The coach Franz Braddock said: “We’re leaving home for some time now, but this was our gift to our supporters. A victory, and now we’re getting prepared for the World Cup. Of course, we still have to play against Solenial...”

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Fabrício’s goal): “Ball with Marrrrrcelinho, the Galáxia player faces the defender Beer, good drrrrribble, now goes and drrrrribble Pineapple, pass the ball to the middle of the arrrrrea, Fabrrrrrício appears to shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The rrrrreplay comes now! Fabrrrrrício, number eighteen! Cafundéu thrrrrree, The Superrrrrmarrrrrket zerrrrro! Toys for childrrrrren, you only find in Garrrrrotada Brrrrrinquedos! Dolls, balls, carrrrrs, machine guns, katana sworrrrrds and many things for your childrrrrren!”

http://img159.imageshack.us/img159/1685/semttuloml3.jpg http://img159.imageshack.us/img159/5752/jornalyy6.jpg
Star players Baguette and Gazette prepared for the game

CAFUNDÉU 3x0 THE SUPERMARKET

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 209,192 people.
Referee: Reno MacFellen (Ad’ihan).
MOTM: Marcelinho (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva (Fabrício 45’), Marcelinho (Vergara 70’) and Neto; Flecha (Carlos Magno 83’) and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_supermarket.png THE SUPERMARKET: Nappies; Pineapple, Beer and Baguette; Yogurt (Pitta 76’), Coffee, Rice (Marlboro Lights 62’) and Gazette; Trolley, Champagne and Toothpaste (Whisky 45’).
Coach: Tommy Trolley.

Goals:CAF: Marcelinho 14’ , Neto 38’ , Fabrício 63’.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Solenial: Bartolomeu; Marcelo Rocha, Leandro Cavalo, Eduardo Monte and Everaldo; Anormal, Marcelinho, Éverton and Carlos Magno; Flecha and Fabrício.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Kelly Czn (Ariddia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 13 games:

12- Flecha
7- Ferreira
5- Neto
3- Anormal
2- Da Silva, Léo Mattos, Marcelinho, Fabrício
1- Souza, Saulo, Lionel

Leandro Cavalo and Souza scored an own goal each

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On another news...

Two Cafundelense companies are still fighting for the sponsorship of the Bazalonia NT. After the first four games, both Banco Econômico (Econômico Bank) and Globo Multimídia (Globo Multimedia) went to the semifinals. The games have been difficult, but the Cafundelense teams/companies are now approaching the end of the competition.

The Banco Econômico team is composed of the bank employees and some famous people that were invited to participate in the team. Using a white shirt and golden shorts, the team had some difficulties, but could reach the semifinals. The line-up is: Gilsinho; Senhor Guimarães, Duílio, Marcel and Chicão; Dona Ivete, Valtinho, Bino and Alinne; Doutor Vasconcelos and Ganz Ijak.

The Globo Multimedia team is a mixed team of the official Globo Multimedia team that disputes the second division of the league and of the employees’ team. There are some famous names there, but the team wasn’t able to show favouritism. The line-up is: Ruiz; Chapelin, Huck, Firmino and Plínio; Bernardes, Gavião, Lang and Costa e Silva; Gusmão and Groisman.

Estresse Intenso

14-02-2008, 20:08

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - LATEST NEWS
Pascal closes his and The Machine's room - no one can enter
Last game can decide the Institute's qualification

Important times for the Landau Institute. The whole Institute is worried with the health of the coach of the National Team, The Machine. The conflict between the human and mechanical parts may be coming to an end. The Machine's situation seems worse, and because of that his father, Pascal from the Dreamed Realm, locked himself and his son in a room, where he tries to save The Machine's life.

About the National Team, the situation is complicated too. Estresse Intenso needs a win in the last game to qualify, and hope to see a draw coming from the game between Starblaydia and Lovisa. If this happen, the Landau Institute is qualified. Some doctors and patients seem very optimist, saying that the Institute is already in the competition, but the president Jesus Bangu Melo says that the supporters need to be cautious.

But there are some people that want to see the Institute not qualifying. After many meetings, the Landau Institute reached some kind of agreement with the National Team of the Independent Territory of Terreiro de Ogum, a place inside Estresse Intenso. The captain of the team, Pai Berto, signed a contract with the president of the Landau Institute, Professor Jesus Bangu Melo. What kind of contract it may be?

Fujisawan Territories

14-02-2008, 21:10

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Shaojin Warriors head to Quakmybush after 1-1 draws with Prux and St Samuel

After drawing Prux and St Samuel 1-1 in both matches, the Fujisawan Territories are headed to Quakmybush for the last match of qualifying where they are expected to lose. The Territories have long been eliminated.

A small electrical fire at Crosscom Global Area just a few hours before the match against Prux, caused officials to move the match to Olympic Park Stadium, which is larger than Crosscom. Though it caused considerable confusion, the match was held with few problems despite a change of venue on short notice.

After the match, Hirotaka Shibukji left Olympic Park Stadium with the Prux team, no longer a citizen of the Fujisawan Territories, but a free man nonetheless. Prosecutors who had filed attempted murder and other charges against Shibukji have dropped all charges.

HFD was in a second day of investigating the electrical fire at Crosscom Global Arena when it came time for the match against St Samuel. That match was also moved to Olympic Park Stadium. Takuji Motoyoshi scoed the lone goal for the Territories in the fifty-sixth minute, and the Territories played well all throughout.

New Manhattan

14-02-2008, 22:53

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc39/
AEROPAG, JI · 2141–10–09 · 0.30 g Au (special edition)

Sports: 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) miss second chance for home Cup run
LOUTRA OREAS ELENIS—For 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn), the road to qualifying for World Cup 39, in which they would have home advantage, appeared simple—pick up six points at the end, and Casari and Yafor 2 could not simultaneously best them. With Loutra oreas Elenis and Acapais as their final opponents, this seemed easy—but the former’s home crowd begged to differ. A superb display of defensive football by the underdogs held their opponents to a Karelan draw, ending their hopes of qualifying.

Defensive football was not the only component of this impressive result—the offense of 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) was hindered by the sending off of Grace Morse in the second minute, for an alleged foul in the penalty area that was clearly a dive by the LoE striker. The ensuing penalty kick, however, floated over the crossbar. The visitors were regularly pinned back in their own half, a most peculiar sight given the difference in rank between the two teams. (As not all of our readers have been appropriately inoculated, we will refrain from providing the rest of the details of this extremely boring match, but you can view the video on the Tribune’s web site.)

Normally, a team three points out of a qualifying spot going into the final matchday would not be too disappointed, especially with a head-to-head advantage over one of the teams ahead of them and a goal difference advantage over the other. 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) is only eliminated in this case because of the first tiebreaker used for this Cup, wins, of which they have seven and qualification rivals Casari and Yafor 2 each have nine. Upset by this unusual procedure, the association soon filed a proposal with the Capitalizt Élite League board to alter the tiebreakers for the unified Capitalizt club competition, which uses the same system. The proposal was defeated 33–31, with Capitalizt SLANI, all of its clubs, and South Coast United of 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) dissenting. The relationship between the club competition’s tiebreakers and those used for the World Cup, which is being coörganized by Capitalizt SLANI and the Valanoran FA, is unclear, but apparently important to some high-ranking officials.

The next step for the team (other than their remaining match against Acapais) is to see if they will receive an invitation to the Cup of Harmony, which outgoing World Cup Committee president James Gaines recently announced will be hosted in Cafundéu and Daehanjeiguk. The shortage of media attention surrounding the 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) qualifying campaign may encourage the organizers to look elsewhere for invitees, but manager Sam Salazar has stated that he remains hopeful. Our office has received nearly eleven hundred press releases, from someone named Olivier Turcotte, questioning the invitation-receiving abilities of the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī), but no independent confirmation of his suspicions can be found.

Dance 2 Revolution

14-02-2008, 23:04

Dance 2 Revolution are one step closer to their third qualification in 10 cups after their win on Match Day 13. This leaves D2R with only 3 points required to guarantee qualification into the World Cup proper. The final matchday leaves D2R travelling to Bonto requiring a much better performance than the one that saw the Bontopians travel to the Archway Stadium and leave with a point that would start a semi-spiral downwards for the Revolutionaries form. If Bonto can cause a further upset, they can leave the Revolutionaries with a hugely bigger headache of failing to qualify...yet again. However, with D2R being comfortable favourites heading into the final match of qualifying, the pundits seem to be tipping D2R to qualify from Group 10, and a major underperformance will be required to allow Kelssek or Qutar to jump ahead of them. However, as is the case in The Revolutionarian Empire, the Cup of Harmony is never a competition to be sniffed at, and if they are eliminated, D2R may have the opportunity to continue their impressive Cup of Harmony record.

In other news, speculation is that Darren Ferriol may be forced to leave his post as D2R manager if he fails to lead the team into either the World Cup proper or the Cup of Harmony final. According to an unnamed source, the RFA were looking for a quicker rebuild of football in the nation, with a written expectation of a WC40 semi-final appearance. Other sources believe that Ferriol may be on the verge of resigning on his own accord, believing he is being agitated by international management, and is ready to move on into the new Revolutionarian 1st Division for a more day-by-day managing career. Only time will tell.

Sorthern Northland

14-02-2008, 23:46

SN qualify, nation goes crazy, then realises we've not yet qualified.

http://mumafc.intheteam.com/site/images/1071/inhouse.JPG
Fans celebrate at the final whistle of the game.

A nation went wild today as World Cup officials announced Sorthern Northland had qualified for their first World Cup, only to retract SN's qualification later.

By then though it was already far to late as cities (apart from Swinedon) across Sorthern Northland had already descended into a mass drunk street party. One fan said "It's absolutely amazing, World Cup here we come!!!!!" before stripping off and jumping into a nearby fountain.

The celebrations came after a drab two all draw with Bazalonia, in Beningrad. At the time both teams thought a draw would secure their passage into the finals and it showed as neither team attempted to go for the win. In fact the first goal came after Jonny Sage slipped over whilst attempting to pick up a daisycutter from Ricky Yunn, the Sortherners could do little as Sage inadvertently broke his arm as he desperately tried to stop the ball. Rather than celebrating widely the Bazalonians were rather apologetic and allowed Jing Mao to walk the ball in from the kick off to level the scores. The second goals came in similar circumstance with Kim Min-Kim accidentally deflecting a wayward Ben O'Bagels pass into the goal, the Sortherners then allowed the Bazalonians to walk the ball into the net.

Speaking after the game SN manager angrily denied accusations of cheating saying, "FOOLS! The people saying this are fools. I don't know what gave them the impression that neither team was trying to win, we were both going one hundred and ten percent for the win. These accusations hurt us very much and we find it shameful that our integrity should be questioned."
Clearly the fact that the Yunn daisycutter aside, there were no shots at all in the game escaped Mr Ó Criomhthain.

However such negativity would come back to haunt Sorthern Northland, for a few days at least after the host announced they'd made a mistake in announcing SN as qualifiers. I have no idea why he haven't qualified, we're top of our group, and Bazalonia below us have, but I'm sure we'll get the result we need in Beer Served Here.

Speaking after the announcement that he hadn't qualified one fan said, "Oh well, we'll just have a take the party to Beer Served Here, and that doesn't bother me. It sounds like a fantastic nation and I really can't wait to visit it, if their love for beer is anything like ours then I'm sure they'll be fantastic people. How many fans we taking over there? Something like 2,000 fans have got tickets to the game and I think there's something like another 30,000 fans going over to Beer Served Here, it's going to be absolutely fantastic, especially if, no WHEN we qualify."

Indeed it is.

Krytenia

15-02-2008, 00:40

"... as I said, I'm sorry, Madam President, but he's in a crucial national security meeting and cannot be disturbed..."

Dominique Domasca was not having a good morning. Her personal hairdresser had turned up an hour late and clearly hung over, she'd had an obscene fax from that Barcali fellow that used to be at the KFA (although she was impressed by the apparent size of his todger), and now some puffed-up bit of trash was giving her short shrift on the phone. Dominique thought she'd have some fun with this one.

"Fine. tell him, and I mean this verbatim, "if you need anything, just ask. I'm here for you honey. Mwah, mwah, mwah." Go on bitch, I dare you, thought the President.

"Yes, I will certainly deliver the message to him when they break for refreshments. Yes, word for word. Yes, with the kisses at the end, too. All three of them."

Dominique's eyes suddenly widened. Shit, she thought, panicking, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Quickly, she hunted through her desk drawers for her address book.

"Ah, here we go." she exclaimed, reading the number at the top of the "S" page; the page, and most of the rest of the book, was covered in doodled purple hearts. She dialled the number, and the phone rang.

And rang.

And rang.

Eventually, the unmistakable voice of Starblaydi Lord-Protector, Tiberius Starblayde, answered the phone.

"Hi Dominique," he said, "how can I help?"

Dominique barely held back a pleasured sigh. "Tiberius!" she exclaimed, trying not to sound like a twelve-year-old at a pop concert. "I hope I haven't interrupted anything, wouldn't want you all stressed out before our meeting next week, would we?"

"No, it's OK, I was just finished here anyway." Tiberius replied, somewhat distractedly. In the background, Dominique could hear a rather dirty-sounding chuckle.

"Clearly," she said, somewhat amused. "Who was that laughing?"

"My new World Cup Ambassador. I'm sure you've heard of Simeone Di Bradini?"

"Wow!" Dominique's excitement was palpable. "I'll need to get our Gabe to pull his finger out then! Look, just to let you know, the flights and security are all sorted, and I'll meet you next week!" The last few words of this were so perky, it would make a cheerleader jealous.

"Mm-hmm," came the non-committal reply, "can't wait. Look, must dash, something's come up, but we'll talk next week, K?"

"K. Ciao!" Dominique hung up, and then slapped herself in the forehead.

"Ciao?" she exclaimed, berating herself. "Who says 'ciao' nowadays? God, I'm an idiot! And I forgot to tell him to ignore that message!"

Daehanjeiguk

15-02-2008, 01:50

The Great Debate! - Part 3

It's that time again, and here we have Dr. Hwang, along with some Foreigner, and five men off the street!

: God, it never ends. Okay right to the point! Daehanjeiguk playing at home against Ulzaxid. It's the last game, and it's a must win! How do you think it will play out?

Hwang: I think we'll win. We've got comfortable home support, and the team just came away from Bostopia with a comfortable 1-1 draw. It's possible, and I think Cha Beomgeun has the spirit to make it happen.

Foreigner: What the hell is going on here?

: Great, this guy doesn't know how to speak Haneo either.

Man1: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: And you again. I thought you got ran over by a train yesterday! It was in the news!

Man1: OOGLY BOOGLY!

Man2: Actually, you saw his brother get trampled by the train. And that's because this guy put his brother on the tracks. I should I know.

: How?

Man2: I helped him! By the way, I've stolen the Code of Conduct from the Bazalonian Code of Conduct on the Ethical Treatment of Lemmings!

: Bazalonia has a Code of Conduct on the Ethical Treatment of Lemmings?

Man3: Of course, every country has one. Except for us, but that's because we don't have lemmings.

Hwang: Actually, neither does Bazalonia. They have Bazalopes.

: Okay. Good. This is not a zoological forum! Let's get back to football.

Man2: I've also stolen the Rules of the Game from Bostopia!

: They have rules?

Man3: Of course, every country has rules. Except Casari. Or was it...

Man1: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: God, I hope the last two men off the street can talk.

Man3: Actually, they're dead.

: Okay. That's good. At least they won't talk non-sense...

Hwang: I justs have to ask. Where did they die?

Foreigner: Oh my god! Is that natural?

Man4: *groans*

Man5: *groans*

: Gah! Zombies!

*END*

MBC apologizes for any inconvenience caused by the sudden termination of this programming. Once we call for the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Special Forces, and some guys with a shovel, we will continue...

*START*

Man4: *groans*

: They're eating the Foreigner! Alive!

Foreigner: Help! Help! They're eating me alive!!!

Man3: You know, if only we knew what he was saying, we could try to help him. I mean, for all that I know, foreigners like being eaten alive by zombies. They're always showing them on movies and stuff like that...

Man2: He doesn't look like those guys in the movies. Maybe he's experiencing pain?

Man3: Nah. He's a foreigner. Foreigners don't feel pain.

: I'm getting out of here before this gets to be problem. Hey, turn off that camera!...

*END*

Dancougar

15-02-2008, 01:57

Bazalonia

15-02-2008, 02:05

"Mr. Coulter, is it true that the 2-all draw was the result of back room dealings with Sorthern Northland!" "Was the Sage Incident all planned?""Was this all just a farce to guarantee qualification?"

The questions from the assembled media hounded Andrew Coulter as he was trying to get inside the BFSA office, However there was just so many that the entrance to his work was blocked.

"I'll make a brief statement now, but you will all get a full media release after I have had the chance to write it up?"

"No. There were no back room dealings of any sort, there was no planing, no malice or even from our end any less than honesty in the way we presented. Now let me get to work so you can have a proper briefing."

With that it seemed that the throng gave way and let Andrew Coulter into th office. However moments later a rampaging Mrs. Coulter stormed out of the building and gave those reporters "a good talking to"

A few hours later the promised media statement was released.

The BFSA is categorical in it's stand against all forms of corruption, whether match-fixing, usage of illegal drugs or anything else of an un-toward nature that would give any team an unfair advantage.

The BFSA has taken allegations into alleged corruption in regards to the Sorthern Northland game seriously but initial reports seem to indicate that there was no such collusion, but the BFP is investigating.

Any corruption that have existed, would not be from the Bazalonian side of the match. It seems that the Sage incident was the result of a poorly executed tackle which through centrifugal forces increased the velocity of Sage's descent onto a harder than usual part of of the pitch. As this pitch was outside of the BFSA's control there was nothing that we could do about it.

Initial reports from Sorthern suggest that the team felt empathy for Sage and let him walk through a goal. When Sorthern scored a goal next, touched by the Bazalonian's empathy, they allowed a walk through of their own. 2 goals by walkthrough for each team 2 real goals. The result with the 'walkthroughs' and without where still the same... a draw.

Daehanjeiguk

15-02-2008, 02:18

Chicken on motorcycle jumps burning vat of other chickens!!!

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Comments & Responses

KILLA666 (3 hours ago)
HAHA YOU STILL LOSE DANCOUGAR NO WORLD CUP FOR YOU IF YOU LEARNED TO PLAY YOU WOULDNT NEED LUCK

msz006custom (4 hours ago)
where do you guys get all these chickens?!

jimbojimbo33 (7 hours ago)
mmmmm i enjoy my cruelty fried with honey mustard :-P

janey45 (8 hours ago)
What exactly is fun about animal cruelty?

rein44aldo (10 hours ago)
so true bbg!

bbgj77723k (14 hours ago)
black wing soccer rulezzzz the rest of you goons dont know what its like to be a TRUE FAN thats right a TRUE FAN will go this far to support their team no matter how good the other team is thats not what its about so you LOSERS can shut up and let us enjoy the fun

horselover993 (15 hours ago)
hey guys they said this was for "margaret" wat is that???

veph4evar (19 hours ago)
Surely you jest.

sexytrumpet15 (20 hours ago)
I have to give major props to these guys for going so far for a game we all know they had no chance of winning. They've got hardcore fans, though, same as anyone. Just wait till the team matches.

badlou34 (1 day ago)
veph is right black wings have no class and no chickens after all that

veph4evar (1 day ago)
Heh, go right ahead and burn all the chickens you want. Dancougar still sucks. When you can kick the ball straight, come back and give us a try.

princessalyssa3789 (1 day ago)
why do soccer fans always do stupid shit like this

nineteen19nineteen85 (1 day ago)
hwo did you get all teh fireworks plz let me no i wnat to try this!!

xxX_JaMeS_Xxx (2 days ago)
hahahaha "at least i have chicken" classic

LateKate334 (2 days ago)
Rather than subject these poor creatures to this torture, one of you could learn how to ride the bloody motorcycle and take it like a man.

Gr8Sk8rm4n (2 days ago)
OMG this is the best thing ever you guys should use pigeons next!!!!!

::: Dude! Something's wrong with this stupid Internet connection!

;;; What's wrong?

::: The damned video isn't loading!

;;; Have you tried reloading the page?

::: Yeah. Like a billion times!

;;; Can you post comments?

::: I tried, but you have to log in.

;;; Maybe you have to log in to see the video?

::: Dude! I'm not paying money to see a bunch of chickens burn in a vat. Besides, they're made of rubber anyway.

;;; Actually, if you read the blogs right, you'd see that they're chickens with rubber coats.

::: Rubber coats? Like putting gigantic condoms on birds?

;;; Close but not really. Condoms are made of latex.

::: And what's the difference?

;;; Come to think of it... I don't know. Check out wikipedia.

::: Okay... *looks up wikipedia* Dude, I can't read this shit. It's all in English!

;;; Try the Han link.

::: There is no Han link!

;;; Well... try the one looks like 'Sun Origin'

::: Dude, I can't read that. What the hell is that?

;;; I don't know. It looks like chicken scratch. Some of it at least...

::: I just want to load this damned video.

;;; Well, then pirate it.

::: What?

;;; We do it all of the time. Pirate it.

::: No way. I'm not wasting a few hours just to see a damned pot of chickens in condoms.

;;; I can do it in a couple of minutes.

::: Then be my guest.

*few minutes pass...*

::: Dude, that's not a video.

;;; I know. But at least you can post on the forums.

::: *types* [멋쟁이! 영상은 어디에여?]

;;; Dude. No one is going to be able to read that.

::: Dude, I think I just crashed their network.

;;; They probably thought it was a virus or something.

::: I've got red lights. What does that mean?

;;; TURN IT OFF! NOW!!!

::: What's wrong?

;;; It's the cops!!! TURN IT OFF NOW!!!

*END*

Sel Appa

15-02-2008, 02:52

Sel Appa Sports Network Coverage

"This is it folks. Qualification hinges on the final match. Sel Appa visits Ad'ihan for a rematch in what will determine whether either will qualify. Sel Appa absolutely needs to win this game to qualify. Anything less will send them home, far earlier than expected. The lead-up to this has been dramatic after Ad'ihan first knocked Sel Appa out of the top 3. There was much worry about Sel Appa potentially not qualifying. They scored the two wins they needed against Beer Served Here and, especially, Bazalonia.

This match is Sel Appa's last stand: their last chance to go forward with glory or go down in shame. The team has been resting instead of practicing before their final match. They plan to focus on meditation and relaxation to remain calm and prepared for what will be a tense game. Coach Charles DuPont stated that this was "the cliffhanger" of his career, implying that a loss may cause him to resign or retire. Indeed, many careers are hinging on qualification. Several players have suggested they want to return to solely domestic football.

In other news, Sel Appa's bid with Acapais to host the 31st Cup of Harmony failed in a 5-0 vote for Cafundeu and Daehanjeiguk. The rejection surprised many who thought it was time for another Sel Appa hosting after the 24th Baptism of Fire. The FFSA is exploring reasons as to why the bid was so resoundedly rejected. Early suggestions were that the lack of votes made it inaccurate. Meanwhile, they've come up with a replacement: the first-ever Turtle Cup. It will be the stand-in for the usual OXEN Cup that Qazox is unable to host. Looking towards the future, Sel Appa may consider bidding for the next Baptism of Fire, but this has not even been hinted at by the FFSA.

Finally, let's wish our national team well. They are hanging on tight and need our support so they can cruise to victory--and the World Cup Finals."

Zwangzug

15-02-2008, 02:53

"Do I even want to know what you're doing?"

"Probably not."

Belinda accepted this answer.

Ted dialed ¬visibleFens, the company that they were reasonably sure had made the apparatus. "Hello?"

"Hihowcanihelpu^" he heard.

"You...could...transfer me to someone who speaks about half as fast, that would help," he replied gamely.

Several moments later, a different voice greeted him. "Hello, how may I assist you?"

"Hi there," he said, his smile broad if not perceptible through the telephone. "This is Lance Corporal Ted Wilson."

"Hello, Lance."

"Er, not quite. That's my rank, you see. In the army."

"Oh...oh?"

"Yes, I'm from the Bostopian army, maybe you've heard of it?"

"No, I can't say I have."

"Really? We're sort of famous. War with Sorthern Northland?"

"Um, I can't say I've heard of them, either. Well, I could."

"Oh?"

"I'd be lying though."

"Aha. Well, they're nobody special, just a bunch of commies. We hate commies."

"Ah."

"We might be at war with Daehanjeiguk too. News doesn't reach me out in the middle of this dinky little country."

"Aha."

"Did I mention the tanks? We have lots of tanks."

"Like Unkerlantum? Or, like, oxygen tanks?"

"Probably like Unkerlantum."

"Oh."

"So. Anyhow, could you please e-mail me a list of everyone who-hold on." He covered the mouthpiece and turned to Belinda, who was somewhat agape, having only heard his side of the conversation, and wondering what Unkerlantum had to do with anything. "What timeframe did we say we were in?"

She scribbled down a couple of dates. "Everyone who bought one of your products between..." He rattled them off. "Please? I think we'd both find it preferable to the alternatives."

"Um...yeah...sure...hold on...What's your e-mail address?"

Ted set the phone on the desk. "Please tell me you know your e-mail address?"

She did, surprisingly enough, and he duly relayed it.

"Is that all?" asked whoever was on the other end of the phone.

"Hold on." Once again, he covered the mouthpiece. "Can you open your e-mail up, see if the file came?"

She did, and it had.

"Yeah, that's it. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome," said whoever it was, clearly relieved and hanging up.

"That," Belinda raised her eyebrows, "was risky, insane, and shouldn't have worked. Also very, very, impressive."

"Thanks," Ted smirked. "Now all we have to do is compare this to a list of people with possible motivations."

"Do you have one?"

"Do you?"

"How would I know?"

"Anyone connected to-" He sighed, realizing the potential magnitude of the task. "I was going to say the athletics organization, but it could be anyone at all, really, this is a big building. But no databases?"

"I think we have some." She slowly clicked around. "Here we go!" she brightly exclaimed, opening a folder labeled "Documents." They were labeled everything from "Document1" to "Document1215": spreadsheets, databases, text documents, and other file types.

"...You just click "Save" without naming them?"

"Yep!"

"Listen, I'm not going to click through all of these, I'm not sure you can, so unless we can find somebody that knows the inner circuits of the athletics organization, we're struck."

Belinda brightened. "Is that all?"

"...Yes..."

"We didn't just take this building for the lakeshore view. Come on!"

Samcoa 2 (18, 34)
Zwangzug 1 (Liebersbach 25)

New Manhattan

15-02-2008, 03:52

Someone set us up the final matchday of qualifying. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13452459&postcount=16)

Jeruselem

15-02-2008, 04:43

The Queen Skate World Cup 39 Qualification Awards

Hello duckies! Qualification is over for World Cup 39 and having some time to think about what's happened, I've decide to hand out some awards! Look, don't complain because you didn't get one. Us Dallas girls don't pretend not to be biased.

*** The Godzilla Award ***

There were plenty of contenders but Squornshelous got this one. They won all their games conceding just 11 goals and scoring 51. They stomped all over Group 4 and made the opposition look like girls.

*** The NOT THE BESTEST team award ***

It would go to Gweridijongya who disappeared but they don't deserve it. It didn't go to Carcim in Group 7 who failed to get any points scoring a total of 4 goals and conceding 40. They did their best too look like the worst team.

Algal states also lost all their games, conceding 38 and scoring 4 but that wasn't bad enough for this award.

No, the worst team was Evil Polish Donors! They had one draw and conceded 66 goals, scoring 6. Wait, 666! Yes, they are EVIL and got the crap beated out of them but everyone.

*** The Golden Boot award ***

Demot in Group 3 and Az-Cz in Group 9 share this scoring 54 goals each. They also topped their groups too. Squornshelous scored 51 goals to be 2nd best scorer.

*** The System Karela award ***

Tynelia conceded just 7 goals for all 14 games. Group 10 was also the worst scoring group with best scorer being Tynelia with a mere 29.

Cafundéu conceded 8 goals but scored a lot more with 39 goals. They also topped their group 5. The two goals conceded on match day 14 spoilt things.

*** The Bad luck award ***

Our own Jeru FC earns this one, they missed out on qualification by one point to Wentland. Alfredo Neves did a fantastic job with our Jeru FC and they are surely no longer a team to ignore. Why Jeru FC when there were other teams who were just as close? They have never qualified but how close can you get!

Jasīʼyūn earns a mention missing out in Group 5 to Casari, on head-to-head results.

*** The WHOOPS award ***

In Group 7, 20th seed Sel Appa missed out! Ad'ihan took their place and advanced to the finals by drawing with Sel Appa on match day 14. If Sel Appa had won, they would have progressed.

*** The OH MY GOD award ***

The Monks from The Archregimancy took 2nd spot in Group 3, one point ahead of Jeruselem. Group 3 - the top 3 finished one point within each other with Demot being top dog. The Monks are back and not failing their faith

** Group of death award ***

Must be Group 6. Starblaydia nudged out two teams by one point with Zwangzug and Qazox sealing their place earlier.

Group 4 was a contender too with Wentland somehow beating out the challenge of Jeru FC and Yafalonia and Bazor 2. Hacker is a lucky man.

Qazox

15-02-2008, 04:44

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 14: @ Zwangzug
Zwangzug 1
QAZOX 1

Head Coach Ryan Greenley decided to use the Zwangzug match as a rest day for the majority of starters and the result was predictable, a 1-1 draw between the two sides. Qazox did manage to hit the back of the net on Chadwick Jethva's goal in the 52nd minute, and Zwangzug's Simon Ryne Olson tied it just 9 minutes later.

The draw gives the Phoenix an 8-4-2 record, not the best amongst the 2nd place teams, but not the worst. Teams that qualified for the World Cup include: Starblaydia, making the Cup for the first time in quite a while, and Daehanjeiguk, making their First appearance. The other 28 teams are all frequent Cup teams, meaning that the road ahead is dangerous, including the two hosts, who are both ranked in the top 5. The World Cup draw is in a couple of weeks and hopefully, Qazox will get a favorable draw.

SUMMARY:
QAZOX: Chadwick Jethva (GOAL- 52')
Zwangzug: Simon Ryne Olson (Goal- 61')

PHEONIX GOALS
Tarricone- 7
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 2

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-4 (missed Both the 1st E.I. Game and the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

Qazox

15-02-2008, 05:01

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFYING AWARDS

It's the end of the qualifers and it's time to hand out some awards.

BEST TEAM

Squornshelous- Only team unbeaten and untied, they easily cruised throught their Group.
Runner-up: Az-cz. Only a draw kept them from being perfect.
2nd Runner-up: Zwangzug In what turned out to be a rather tough group, They lead from Day 1 and never looked back

Worst team of the first half.
Carcim Just barely worse than the 2nd worst team, 0-0-14 is horrid, becoming one of the few teams to be perfectly imperfect.
Runner-up: Algal States Only a slighty better goal differential kept them from winning the ignomy of the worst team.
2nd Runner-up: Evil Polish Donors -60 GD???? that's just asinine, but at least they managed a draw somewhere.

(ooc: please note while the 'awards' are IC, the comments are OOC)
BEST RPing NATION

Candelaria and Marquez: I hinted that i hated their long rambling RP's at the mid-point awards, however, the storylines within were great and that earns them this award.
2nd best: Sorthern Northland Candelaria and Marquez just got stronger towards the end.
3rd Best: Dancougar A great debut effort, and hopefully a sign of things to come.

WORST RPing NATION
Quakmybush- Didn't RP at all, and still qualified for the World Cup. Sometimes the KPB ranks can get you through.
Runner-up: Prux, The wrestling thing still doesn't do it for me, but at least you RP'ed from your group, unlike #1.
2nd Runner-up: Hopeless SC/Taeshan. Although towards the end they got a little better, overall they still need work to do.

Prux

15-02-2008, 05:13

Mr Nicnann: "That was a waste of time. 6-3-5? 11 points out from the next round? And now that %^&*ing idiot Coach thinks that he can do a better than me? Let him try. I guarentee that he'll sent the team into the toilet."

RJ: "Vance, It's the team's best finish ever! We won as many games this time around aswe did in both the first two attempts. We're just a player or two away."

Mr. Nicnann: "We got that Hirotaka Shibukji, he's a good soccer player, right? So we just go to find one more good player and we'll be all set, right?"

RJ: "Yes, Hirotaka Shibukji is a Soccer player, but we 'signed' him to be a PWF star. If the NSWCC finds out that we signed him for soccer, We're in deep shit."

Mr. Nicnann: "You let me take care of that. So any chance we can find that 007 guy? We was pretty good, right?"

RJ: "Vance, he's one of those weirdos. I think they all are still locked up in the Rotten Fish Hospital, you know the looney-bin?"

Mr. Nicnann: "I don't care, what ever you do, get him out and on this team. We have 4 years to get all this stuff legal. RJ, I want this team in the World Cup, DO anything you have to, to get this done."

RJ: "OK, Mr. Nicnann, I'll do my best."

Green wombat

15-02-2008, 05:22

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS end 2nd straigh disappointing run with another draw.

Despite 2 early goals from Danica Howes, Green womabt couldn't hold onto a 2-0 lead and drew with Krytenia 2-2.

This marks the end of the Coach's tenure, as he was immediately fired after the match. His legacy? A 5-8-15 qualifying record and an overall record of 6-8-18 including the 30th CoH, leaves much work to do to get back to the world Cup. The team will remain coachless if they are invited to the 31st CoH, and hopefully during that tourney, a new coach can be found.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 6
William Diehl- 5
Danica Howes- 4
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Phillip Milligan-1

Hopeless SC

15-02-2008, 05:40

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: No, you are not allowed to ask if your team can play Komekong for every match of World Cup 40 qualifying. Congratulations on FINALLY winning a World Cup home match. Your team has a lot of room to grow yet in World Cup 40. They're a long way from being considered a good team at the international level.

Grades for Komekong match:
Effort: C
Control: C-
Offense: D
Defense: C+
Overall: C-

Lesson Your Team Learned: Patience and hard work is eventually rewarded

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderate

World Cup 39 Goal Scorers:
Wally Milton-3
Burt Larkin-1
Dale Carpenter-1
Antonio Hall-1
Matt Walker-1
Mark Field-1

Dancougar

15-02-2008, 05:52

ANNOUNCER: College Gameday Postgame Report... brought to you by Construction Hut. When it needs to get done right, hit the hut!

JAKE: And there you have it, a two-one win for the Black Wings in their final qualifying match. Three much-needed points bring them to fourth in the final Group B standings, one point ahead of Taeshan, who were Vephrall's latest victims in a four to one blowout. Let's look at the highlights first guys, and then we'll talk about the rest of matchday fourteen.

(Voiceover as the highlights play)
DEE: Okay, we'll start in the thirteenth, Jeff Cale hits it off his left, squirts over the bar but a warning sign. Black Wing offense getting too much space to roam against that Kalmyk back line. Minute twenty, free kick by Morimoto. Leyton gets a head on it, but Altantsetsegy grabs that, he played an excellent first half.

DIRK: He did, and it pays off because it gave Kalmykstan a little more freedo to push forward and taken chances. The visitors open the scoring just before halftime. Cholon plays it into the box. Onggury gets a head on it, Hawkins dives, but it bounces off of Saegusa to the open man. Kasary, the easy goal, Wings down one-nil. Too many guys in the box, Hawkins stranded.

DEE: After the restart, Wings back into it. Jericho Leyton! He's had a very quiet qualifying run, it's been hard for Dancougar to assert itself in the midfield against the stronger teams in this group, and he's been having trouble as a result. But he stepped up in the second half to get the team back into it, look at this shot from the top of the box, top corner! Took a deflection on the way in, but it was the initial placement that got that in.

DIRK: And then in minute seventy, Hideo Ikeda gives the Wings the lead with the match-winner. Jon Holmes gets the ball wide; when do we ever call his name? Holmes crosses it into the area, and Ikeda heads home. Dancougar controlled the game by this point, lion's share of the possession, and Kalmykstan unable to respond. Two-one, the final.

(Highlight ends.)
JAKE: A very close game early, guys, for the first hour, it looked like it could go either way.

DEE: Yeah, well, for these two teams, obviously already out of the running, so you play for pride. Leave it all on the field, live only for this game. Great match. Kalmykstan really showing some guts, give 'em time, I think they're better than that ranking indicates.

JAKE: With that win and Taeshan's loss, Dancougar finishes in fourth place. But qualification was never really a possibility, guys, as the top three in this group were dominant, and rightful, winners.

DIRK: Oh, no question, this draw was extremely favorable for them - Vephrall, Bettia, and The Holy Empire. They're powerful attacking teams going up against middle-of-the-road defensive teams and worse. Nobody had any answers for them, while among themselves they were pretty evenly matched. Although, Vephrall really broke out of the pack with that four-one win over the Empire.

JAKE: Let's take a look at some of the other groups. Group A, Kura-Pelland on top there, and that group looked a lot like ours, the three teams at the top clearly a class above the rest, at least ten wins apiece.

DEE: As well as Group C, Demot on top of that with a plus forty differential, are you kidding me? Eight-nil over Evil Polish Donors tonight to secure first over the Archregimency, incredible. Although to be fair, I think that entire group participated in the partition of the Evil Polish Donors, who somehow gave up sixty six goals in the tournament. Massive polarization in Group C.

DIRK: Group D, now, and once you take Squornshelous out, it was a very tight race. Of course, Squorn were perfect throughout qualifying, fourteen and oh, but a battle for the final spot between Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and Wentland on the final day. You'll remember Yafa from the Baptism of Fire semis, seven wins in qualifying, incredible for a first-time entrant. But they had to play Squorn, so Wentland gets in with a draw. They might FAIL HARD now, but they'll be trouble in the future.

DEE: Cafundeu won Group E, football is huge there, and the team delivered. This one was wrapped up already last matchday, Jasiyun a very close fourth. Group F was also pretty close at the top, three teams in the running for the third spot tonight. Lovisa controlled their destiny, but drew one-one against Samcoa. It was Starblaydia, the old masters, looking to reclaim World Cup glory, and it started tonight with a convincing four-nil win against Minilla Island West.

DIRK: Group G was interesting, there was a three way tie at the top of the table going into tonight, Southern Northland had the tiebreaker. You'll remember that friendly we had with them, they won three-one, and they won tonight to keep their position. Behind them: Bazalonia, Ad'ihan, Sel Appa. All big names in the football world, but only two could get in. Sel Appa had to win against Ad'ihan to have a chance, but could only manage a draw.

DEE: What was also interesting, Southern Northland entered into a sort of cold war with Bostopia during the early phases of qualification, and Bostopia made plenty of noise itself by reviving stars and government officials of yesteryear. Zombies are always good for football, and it got them a spot from Group H. Ariddia, though, the dominant ones, eleven wins, one loss.

DIRK: Az-cz were the class of Group I, thirteen wins and a draw, and they beat Endmile on the final day to end their dreams of qualifying, because Northern Bettia picked up the win it needed to sneak in at third. Candelaria and Marquez, ten wins and two draws, also strong contenders. Finally, Group J, Tynelia lose tonight and still finish five points clear. McPsychoville's return to international football was going to be welcomed by hordes of crazed fans, or so we were told, but the police reports out of Group J were disappointingly light.

JAKE: Thanks, guys, and for more information, you can always check us out on the web at dspn.dan, keyword World Cup. That's all the time we have here on the College Gameday Postgame Report, Sportscenter is coming up next. For all of us here at College Gameday, I'm Jake Matthews. Good night from Yuki City, where once again, Dancougar defeats Kalmykstan two to one.

Daehanjeiguk

15-02-2008, 06:10

Sports Inquiry - "足球世界高頗新闻!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) 4-0 (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) 0-0 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) 2-1 (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

MBC International remains concerned about the quality of its International Broadcasts, and seeing as some people believed that the Han Empire is preparing for nuclear war with Bostopia, we wish to present a more traditional broadcast.

ooc: The guy doing the translation is not going to get anything right, and so will not be giving out the news. However, if anyone wants to know what is written, I would be more than happy to translate...

Newsperson: *reads screen*
[今日晚上帝国足球会释放在团体队中在三地，也在哪里去足球世界高頗。]

Ummm, there was big party in girl bathroom in room 3, man go shove foot in high place.

[这些新闻对国家很好。]

This is good for family at vegetable stand.

[在高句麗競技場，有很多民人大喊大声大叫。]

In big dog's belly, many people crying, shouting, and vomiting.

[胜利给車範根的道德规范很多信用作为小组继续足球世界高頗。]

Bully go get a car's toll and uses a chop stick to kill a tall ball.

[車範根也说：]

Car company also says.

[“我很想大韓帝國蹴球國家代表隊，我不喜欢出隊先生。]

I please need doctor to kick foot, I not want have man.

[足球世界高頗以后，我得出去被别德隊先生。”]

Um... after big foot, I have other man come.

[大韓蹴球協會没说过。]

Big foot not fart yet.

[别的新闻，在啤酒被服务国，南北国人民在这里喝醉酒。]

Other vegetable stand, in drunken land, people get drunk.

[这些新闻是在啤酒阴谋破坏之以后出来，有很多人民出来喝醉酒。]

Some have bad beer come home, have many come drunk.

[在資体聯，有期望在平和高頗做得更好，既然没有意思。]

In communism, have big gun and do well, but not interesting.

[对資体聯谜更悲哀，想要那个隊在足球世界高頗看看，可别再統一資本家州。]

Rice in communism, want world to see big gun, but no one want sex.

[别的新闻，在西亚頗有一个龜鱉高頗，因为没有平和高頗。]

Other vegetable stand, West have big turtle because not peaceful.

[不知道要是每隊都出来。]

Not in way to get new car.

[要是你会读韩字文，也说英文，你得再文化放送询问一次工作机会。]

Want you to read, and speak hero, you have culture to work here.

[要是咱们很喜欢你，咱们就欢迎你。]

Want we like you, we welcome you.

Goal Scorers:
10 - Jeong Jihun
5 - Kim Daeeui
3 - Yi Yeongpyo
2 - Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Son Daeho, Yi Dongguk[/QUOTE]

Sel Appa

15-02-2008, 06:23

What a match it was. Both Sel Appa's and Ad'ihan's qualification hopes hinged on this one match. Sel Appa needed a win. Ad'ihan needed a win or a draw. Ad'ihan got their draw in the most controversial match for Sel Appa since the World Cup 32 qualification match against Qutar. Sel Appa lost their first qualification possibility to Qutar in one match as well that had several red cards given to key players. This match went even further, after Sel Appa had established itself with six straight qualifications. They took 3rd place in World Cup 37 and were ranked 3rd in the world going into these Qualifiers.

The match was probably the most tense of them all and when neither team scored in the first half, the Turtles looked somewhat distraught. Ad'ihan had put up a robust defense, knowing a draw would qualify them. The crowd was loud with boos and cheers. A large Sel Appan contingent occupied one area of the seating. They numbered 16384 and were anything but silent. The entire group seemed well-coordinated and did several waves...once every ten minutes, approximately.

The first goal came when Miquelinho slid in a very narrow goal that was also almost offside in the 62nd minute. The entire Sel Appan section jumped up and cheered, far outyelling the booing Ad'ihanis. Three minutes later, Michael Ebe tried to duplicate the goal and set Sel Appa to victory, but was stopped by Ad'ihan's keeper. Ad'ihan countered and drove deep to score an equalizer. Mohammed al-Jafari jumped in for a tackle, but knocked Julian D'Abbo down just outside the penalty box. The referee granted a penalty anyway in the first controversial call. The Sel Appans unleashed their trademark hiss in response. The penalty was not converted, however.

It looked like Sel Appa was going to win. The mood among the Sel Appan fans kept getting better and the Ad'ihani mood worsened. Many Sel Appans were seen standing for awhile in the 80s, but many soon sat down as Ad'ihan started to gain some ground. The Turtles look tired, but tried to hold resiliently. Play continued and a big 90:00 showed up on the board. The Sel Appans cheered, but it was not over. Two minutes of stoppage time was signaled.

Ad'ihan used this to their advantage and pressed a huge attack. One minute in, Ad'ihani striker George Connor rode into the penalty box with the ball. Nikole Barr tried to stop him, but slipped. He seemed poised to make the goal when Sel Appa's keeper, Mongke Bokegalbaatar, blocked the shot with his corpulent mass. Steven Bryson intercepted the ball and went in for his own try. Bum Dae Kim saw what would happen and hoped he could do it. He slid in for a tackle and knocked the ball out of the striker's control. Connor's lurched forward and collapsed in what seemed like a dive. The tackle clearly did not touch him, but a successful dive would probably hand Ad'ihan the qualification.

The referee blew his whistle and signaled a penalty with only five seconds left. The Sel Appan crowd booed loudly and soon "DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!" was heard from them. George Connor lined up for the shot and carefully measured it. The whistle went off and he charged. It was all a blur as the ball flew over the keeper's head. He looked up swearing it went over the crossbar, but felt it bump his feet from the back. The referee blew the final whistle: a draw. The Sel Appans jumped up and yelled. They booed and cursed out the Oliverrian referee. But the Oliverrian referee yelled a single number: "One thousand and ninety-three", to which the Capitalizt officials agreed.

The Turtles were stunned. Time went slowly as the Ad'ihan team danced and paraded. Coach Charles DuPont looked on in utter disbelief, but went over to shake Ad'ihan coach Dave Hollow's hand. A voice called out "AMEUTEZ!". There was a delay and then the Sel Appans charged on the Ad'ihani fans wielding bottles, lighters, homemade riot kits (somehow smuggled into the country and the stadium), and other things. Some ran around the stands in mobs beating up Ad'ihanis, while others charged the field to try and tackle the referee. He made it halfway across the field before a 300-man mob overtook him. He cried out "1093! 1093!" as if that was the only thing he could say (not surprising for an Oliverrian).

A full-fledged riot erupted as Sel Appans ran around battling security, Ad'ihani fans, and destroying everything in site. Some tried to set the pitch on fire. Molotov cocktails somehow arrived and were being tossed around. It wasn't long before things actually started burning. More and more security poured in, beating Sel Appans with nightsticks. No one cared because the security would just be beaten unconscious. Stadium officials sent out a call for help...

Adihan

15-02-2008, 08:59

Sel Appan fans arrested, to be charged with capital crime

Following last night's dramatic scenes at Protectorate Stadium after Ad'ihan secured a last-minute 1-1 draw with Sel Appa to seal qualification for the World Cup, the City of Ad'ihan Police reported that all 16,384 Sel Appan fans who made the journey would be refused permission to leave the country if any of them showed up at the airport.

Already, nearly 6,000 visiting fans have been arrested over rioting that followed the match. Mass rioting has been a capital crime since the United Islands gained full independence, and it is expected that all 16,384 fans, once arrested, will all be charged and summarily found guilty.

City of Ad'ihan Police confirmed that nearly 2,300 people had been rounded up in the past 5 hours alone. The City of Ad'ihan's borders with the rest of the United Islands – which includes the road out to the airport – has now been closed in an attempt to arrest all the Sel Appan fans.

Protectorate Stadium has been declared unusable for the forseeable future, which has sparked outrage amongst Ad'ihani fans at Sel Appans. Prime Minister Alex Canning told the press that he would not be granting a pardon to any of the foreign fans, nor would he consider any appeal from the Sel Appan government.

"They have badly damaged an important piece of our sporting and cultural history. There is no way any Ad'ihanais person, or Ad'ihani citizen, can forgive that. It will be repaired, but it will be costly. We also intend to seek compensation from the Sel Appan government." He also took the rare step of intervening in a criminal matter, warning that anyone found harbouring the rioters "will be charged as an accomplice to rioting, a charge that carries 10 years."

Construction and football experts have placed damage estimates at around 450 million Tazos (US$788 mn). Meanwhile, little has been heard of the Sel Appan team and officials who were at the match, although reports say that all of them are safe and will be granted leave as soon as all 16,384 of their fellow citizens are rounded up.

The first executions for those summarily found guilty will take place beginning tomorrow.

Sel Appa

15-02-2008, 09:23

NEMNENAIT SQUARE--The traditional big screen was setup in Nemnenait Square for the crucial match against Ad'ihan. It measured 20m by 11.25m and was erected from time to time for major television events. It allowed hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people to watch said events in a public, communal manner. It was pointless to have sound because the crowds are loud almost all the time. One could purchase headphones that provided sound which was wirelessly transmitted.

As soon as the whistle blew then end of the came the crowd erupted in anger. They started yelling, booing, hissing. It wasn't long before Sel Appa had its own riot, that is, mosh pit--with over 500,000 people involved. Police forces tried to keep order, not expecting such a situation, but had to retreat. The angry mob tore around Nemnenait Square throwing stuff, beating people up, trying to set buildings on fire. Nemnenait Square was always the centre of Sel Appa's radical elements.

The screen was showing the riot scene in Ad'ihan, which actually started shortly after. Few in the Square took notice. All of a sudden, something crashed into the screen and cracked it. It was compeletly destroyed soon after. The rioters began to form bands and made torches and began running around Nemnenait screaming. Only tourists cowered in fear. Regular Sel Appans just stood by waiting for it to pass. Angry groups rode the metro all over the city and ensured no one had peace of mind.

It took three days before the fully-mobilized Nemnenait Police Department could quell the riots. Estimated hundreds were dead, thousands injured, and millions of pounds in damage.

Sel Appa

15-02-2008, 09:37

Sel Appan Ambassador to Liverpool England Markus Prodi offered an apology to Ad'ihan for "our citizens' abhorrent, abomidable, and unsportsmanlike behavior". He also asked that Ad'ihan hold off on its plan to execute the Sel Appans so an agreement could be reached. Mr. Prodi warned that "an unpleasant international incident would result" if Ad'ihan was to carry out its plans. "On behalf of the Sel Appan government, I am willing to negotiate for the release of our citizens. Sel Appa will pay for all damages caused by our citizens. We understand that this weakens our relationship and ask that Ad'ihan reconsider. To execute our citizens would be a great injustice and could be construed as a declaration of war, or a war crime."
^

Adihan

15-02-2008, 10:17

Ad'ihani Prime Minister Alex Canning has warned Sel Appa's ambassador to Liventia, Markus Prodi, that Sel Appans will be declared persona-non-grata after riots following a World Cup qualifier that damaged Protectorate Stadium.

"I take issue with Ambassador Prodi's comments. How people from another country can come here, damage our finest sporting architechture and history, and try to get away with it is beyond me. I'm sure Mr Prodi's government would not be happy if Ad'ihan people damaged Turtle Stadium," he said, referring to what is considered by many to be Sel Appa's most historically important sporting facility.

"The fact is that your supporters, Mr Prodi, committed a capital crime under Ad'ihan law. Mass rioters face the death penalty, and always have since we've become independent. How is executing your citizens for breaking this law an act of war? When your citizens come to my country I expect them to observe and respect our laws, just as how we respect and observe yours when we visit you.

"It is absolutely unacceptable and while I welcome Mr Prodi's government's offer of compensation nothing can truly bring the historical sense of Protectorate Stadium, our oldest in the country, back."

The Ambassador to Ad'ihan of Ad'ihan's former protector when it was still a protectorate, former Ad'ihani Governor Cmdr Simon Collins, will attempt to broker discussions. To this end, Cmdr Collins has urged Mr Canning to not conduct summary trials of the Sel Appans, something Mr Canning has argued against.

"If we were to go to full trials for all sixteen thousand of them, it would take us forever and severely backlog our justice system. There is just no feasible way of dealing with this except a summary trial."

Cmdr Collins has offered Mr Prodi and Mr Canning a compromise in which a random sample of 500 Sel Appans would be questioned to find out who started the riot. Speaking to journalists, Cmdr Collins said that "the best solution right now is to find out who is responsible for starting this, and punishing them. That way the majority of the 16,000 people will be let free."

On the issue of persona-non-grata status for Sel Appans, Cmdr Collins admitted he was powerless. "If the Senate approves it, there's nothing I can do. I'm no longer the Governor. It's understandable, but I hope that if that happens at least the 16,000 of them will be allowed to leave, leaving only those ultimately culpable to face the music."

Starblaydia

15-02-2008, 11:09

Tiberius Starblayde was throwing yet another one of his World Cup parties, as he often did when Starblaydia were playing an important match, or if he couldn't get to the country in which Starblaydia were playing. This match, however, was quite literally just down the road, at Jhanna City's Jader Barbahlo stadium. Tiberius was fairly famous as a Jhanna City supporter, and the Praetoran Box at the 96,000-seater stadium was huge. Seats out on the halfway line at the top of the first tier, with a corporate entertainment lounge behind huge glass doors. On this occasion, with Starblaydia playing their final match at home, the Praetoran Box was given over completely to Starblayde and his guests.

Beforehand, however, there'd been a little incident with quite who was invited...

"Right then," the Jhanna City official had an entire box-full of Praetoran Box passes - laminated cards on purple cord to be worn around the neck - and was delivering them to Tiberius' office itself. Inside the room was packed with sports starts, ministers, captains of industry, members of the Sjarondai and other 'great and the good' types who Tiberius liked to invite to his footballing get-togethers.

The box was ripped open and his secretary began to distribute the passes, some people taking three or even four for their partners, as prizes or even to sell on the street, in one or two cases. Soon the box was empty and everyone was very pleased with their passes, with a fair number being worn already in preparation for the day's game.

Tiberius was chatting, as he usually did, with whoever had managed to shove their way through the crowd towards him. His conversation, however was interrupted by his Private Secretary of Communications.

"My Lord," he whispered, "President Domasca has arrived early. She's on her way through the building."

Tiberius was far too well-practiced to utter a swear word at this point, nor did he raise his eyebrows, frown or anything similar. He did, however, almost spill his drink. Somehow he had to get the President a pass to the game, but the room was now emptying as the news spread - people were taking their passes and running. The pass was everything, one time during World Cup 27 Tiberus himself had been barred from entering the Silverlands Stadium in Corinth, a mistake that he had made sure not to repeat. He was still considering what to do when the door opened and in she bounced, wide-eyed at actually being in the Lord-Protector's office, along with a small retinue.

"Wow!" she said, "I really love your office, it's really cool."

An uncomfortable silence, seeming to Tiberius and Dominique to last longer than it did in reality, follwed.

"Thanks, Dominique," Tiberius said eventually, "and welcome to Starblaydia."

"Ooh," she said quickly, noticing the pass around his neck, "are we going to the Minilla Island West game?"

"Er..." Tiberius didn't have an answer.

"Of course you are," came a voice from behind Tiberius, "here, Madam President, I've got yours, and Gabe's, passes right here."

Thank the Gods for SDB, Tiberius thought. Ever the national face-saver, Simeone Di Bradini had just given up his on passes, for himself and his great-great grand daughter, Diamontii, in order to keep an international incident from happening. Young Diamontii would have to wait to go to her first Starblaydia match with her legendary relative, and Tiberius knew it and immediately felt guilty. The Starblaydi striker offered the two passes in his hand to Tiberius, who passed them over to Dominique.

For the briefest of moments, their fingers brushed together. Dominique delicately took the cards and held them close to her chest, savouring the moment. She passed one to Gabe Kennedy, standing just beside her, not looking at the Krytenian ex-international, not taking her eyes off Tiberius.

"My Lord, Madam President," Simeone said, "I am afraid I have a great-great-granddaughter to attend to, and must depart. A pleasure to meet you, Madam."

Simeone offered a slight bow and went to leave the office, with Tiberius giving him a wave-come-thumbs-up for his latest contribution. The old man nodded back and walked out of the door. Closing it behind him, he took a moment to catch his breath, leaning a lot of his weight on the door handle. After a moment, his strength returned and he smiled. Had he just dropped Tiberius into an entire day of torment with that bloody woman?

Bazalonia

15-02-2008, 15:46

Verona Inc 0-1 Banco Econômico
Bostopian Tourist Board 2-1 Globo Multimídia

The final match will be between Banco Econômico and the Bostopian Tourist Board

The BFSA thank Verona Inc, Globo Multimedia and Dallas Enterprises International for participating in this tournament and for the support in offering to sponsor the BFSA.

Cafundeu

15-02-2008, 16:05

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/6343/econbankez1.png

In this note, we of the board of directors of the Banco Econômico of Cafundéu, the biggest bank of the country, would like to thank all the employees and people that played for our team in the competition organized by Bazalonia. There is only one game left, and we have to be ready to play with all our talent (or lack of) to get this sponsorship contract.

I know that most of you, that work here in Banco Econômico, were those that were the last ones to be chosen when your friends got reunited to play football in the street. But union and will are as important as talent, and we're sure that you can make a good job in the game against this Bostopian group that surely doesn't have as much employees and money as we have.

Finally, we would also want to warn you that, as soon as the competition ends, you'll have to return to work here. Don't forget this, or you can be fined or fired. Time is money, and you can't arrive here late. And don't come here with excuses that the flight was delayed or that you were attacked by a werewolf, excuses that we have to hear everyday.

We're supporting these eleven players: Gilsinho; Senhor Guimarães, Duílio, Marcel and Chicão; Dona Ivete, Valtinho, Bino and Alinne; Doutor Vasconcelos and Ganz Ijak.

Only Valtinho and Ganz Ijak are football players... the others are employees. So, we are proud of you.

from Banco Econômico - O Banco do Povo Cafundelense!

Starblaydia

15-02-2008, 16:42

It was tense and it was nervous. Starblaydia were already Three-Nil up against Minilla Island West, but there was worse news from Lovisa. Mariusz Franke - his name didn't matter, of course, nor did many Starblaydi fans care to hear of it - had scored to put the home side 1-0 up against Samcoa. Starblaydia could knock in a hundred more goals and still it would not matter. They were a point behind Lovisa at the beginning of the day and, if Lovisa picked up the maximum three points, they would still be behind the Cup of Harmony Champions, whether Starblaydia won, lost or drew. The crowd were tense, the players and staff were tense, and Tiberius Starblayde was tense. In the seat next to him sat Dominique Damasca, and she kept rubbing her leg against his. Unfortunately to the other side of him there sat an award-winning chef who seemed to like his food as much as all of his restaurant-goers put together. All in all, he was trapped, and wondering if the TV cameras had caught him squirming yet. They'd - hopefully - assume it was just tension over the match, but as concerned as Tiberius was for his national side, he had more important things to concern him: she was doing it again.

"Substitutions for Starblaydia," the stadium announcer said, "Replacing Kalia Canildo, number twenty-one, Batou Nakamura." Applause for the left-winger began, followed by a little cheer for the exciting young Hallad Reavers all-action midfielder. Tiberius clapped half-heartedly, but the announcer was obviously building to something.

"Also, coming on for goalscorer Kwame Jabir," another cheer, "is number twenty-three, Lubii!"

The crowd gave an almighty cheer for the young Iskara Daii striker, who had scored twice during the campaign and was seen as one of the future hopes of Starblaydi football, who would surely play in times to come. Plus it meant that Starblaydia would be back to a 4-4-2 'diamond' formation. Tiberius stood and applauded the nineteen year-old girl, and once his guests had caught sight of him, they immediately did the same.

"Lubii-Lubii-Lubii-Lubii!" The crowd chanted, having fitted her name to a popular song on the airwaves.

"And even the Lord-Protector is on his feet," the TV commentator said, "applauding Lubii's appearance, the crowd are definitely agreeing with him, Trefor." A pause as the chant continued to roll around the stadium, the camera kept on Tiberius as an advisor came over to whisper in his ear. "Krytenian President Dominique Domasca, of course, to his side. There seems to be some sort of commotion going on there, the Lord-Protector is making a case rather vigorously for something. Perhaps best not to inquire there, Tref..."

"The screen," his co-commentator said, "the big screen, it's the Lovisa match."

Everything on the pitch stopped. Jae Chang-hwa, about to take a throw-in, simply dropped the ball behind her head and just stared at the big screen, her mouth open, eyes wide and fixed on the picture. The Starblaydi TV cameraman kept his focus on her, with what would later become a defining image of the campaign.

"The big screens around the ground have all turned to the Lovisa match, apparently we're about to see some sort of replay." The commentator said. On TV and on the internet, people were watching live pictures of Starblaydi footballers and fans watching a big screen - however no camera was pointed at that screen. Minilla Island West players simply stood around dumbfounded, even the referee didn't know what to do, so he watched too.

"It's a replay from the Lovisa-Samcoa match," the main commentator repeated, "the score is still one-nil to Lovisa, Lovisa are entrenched around the Samcoa penalty area. Lunz, I think it is, with the ball. Jinks past a man, into the box, fires it in! Saved! And the goalie has thrown it out quickly, Samcoa can break here, they're taking it forward at pace... three on two..."

The commentator was nearly drowned out by a sea of over ninety-thousand other Starblaydi voices. From the pictures, it was clear what they were all seeing. One word became distinguishable from the commentator.

"GOAL!"

Jae Chang-hwa leaped into the air once, twice, jumping a third time into the arms of Roque Bravo in celebration. Tiberius was already on his feet and hugged the nearest person to him, kissing her on the cheek. The chef was punching the air and Dominique had a firm grip on Tiberius, cheering just as loud as anyone else. Lovisa were drawing and Starblaydia were winning. If it stayed like this, Starblaydia were going to the World Cup.

"Is this the way to Valanora?
Not for Lovisa, 'cos they're poorer!
Show me the way to Valanora,
An' Dominique who waits for me!"

Then it got better.

Juan Oscar robbed the ball from a Western Minillan and raced away from the centre circle. He knocked a quick ball to the feet of Alfonso Di Angelo who played a one-touch ball wide left, using the outside of his boot. Batou Nakamura took the ball in his stride and played it around a static defender, knocking it inside of him, but sprinting around the outside. Just for a moment it seemed that the chance had gone, as a defender came over to clear the ball. But Nakamura wasn't going to give up without a fight, nipping in with his left foot to get to the ball first, a square-ball into the centre of the penalty area. Lubii was there, and met it with a thunderous, unstoppable drive. Four-Nil and the crowd were going wild across the stadium, from end to end and Dugout to Praetoran Box.

"It's been seven hours and twenty years,
Since we last played in the World Cup,
Now we're all going to the U.C.S.,
You know we want Roque to lift it up.

'Cos nothing compares,
Nothing compares to us!

Star-blade-ya, Star-blade-ya, Star! Blade! Ya!"

Final Score from the Jader Barbahlo Stadium:
Starblaydia 4 - 0 Samcoa
(Jabir 28, Fullbright 35, Di Angelo 57, Lubii 90+1) - (None)

Vephrall

15-02-2008, 16:45

Pentove gets contract extension from VFR

As promised by the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris prior to the start of World Cup 39 qualifying, Vephrall's successful qualification has resulted in manager Umsaasad Pentove being offered a contract extension. The VFR's promise was to extend the contract through the end of World Cup 41 qualifying; in addition to following through with this promise, the VFR has also given Pentove a 20 percent pay raise as a bonus for the team finishing at the top of Group 2.

Pentove announced his acceptance of the contract less than an hour after it was offered to him during a brief press conference at 10:30 this morning. He commented, however, that now was the time to focus on the immediate task at hand, namely the World Cup 39 group stage. Vephrall is expected to be either a low third or high fourth seed.

Candelaria And Marquez

15-02-2008, 17:27

The Gassett Candelariasian>Sport>Football>World Cup Round-Up

Lloyd Donnelly’s Big Blues, who are now green but were playing in gold this evening, ensured their status as one of the better second-placed finishers in qualifying with a confident three-nil away win… on Candelariasian territory.

In a move that some Foreign Office sources have damned as ‘reet daft’, the CAMAFA risked the ire of the Nire and Nire government and possible WCC sanctions by refusing to send a team into what a spokesman described as an “utterly uncertain and potentially volatile situation” in a country in which public participation in most team sports is prohibited, and the national football team outlawed.

As a result, fans were treated to the bizarre spectacle of the City of Bove Stadium – empty save a small party of ‘travelling’ C&M supporters invited in off the streets mere minutes before the game – hosting an international match in which O, Sweet Nation was sung first and C&M were in their away kit. The Nire (and Nire) players, for their part, wore a variety of theatrical masks in a bid to remain anonymous with potential threats of death on their heads in their troubled homeland.

The CAMAFA remained tight-lipped in regards to recent media claims that this was far from the N&N side’s first ‘unofficial’ visit to the Candelarias, with rumours persisting that ‘home’ games had previously been covertly held on Candelariasian shores. Attempting to defuse a row that could potentially overshadow the build-up to the Big Blues’ second World Cup finals appearance; CAMAFA President Owen Jones blamed a “lack of clarity” for the situation and complained that “you’d never see us in the Candelarias being vague about anything, goodness me, no.”

Donnelly opted to put out a second-string side but was richly rewarded with an impressive performance, albeit one against a team that looked at times even less threatening than the previous fixture between the two countries. After knocking it about nicely for a bit, the midfield four of Ben Edwards, Fred Ma, Connor Mengucci and Jos Cornelisse eager to state their claims for a starting berth at the finals, it was a rather route-one effort that opened the scoring on the quarter hour mark; Ozzy Stefano in his belated C&M debut in goal booting the ball downfield, Joe Cunningham heading on to Holger Pi who took one touch and lofted it delicately over the goalkeeper, who should probably have done better but was impeded by his bondage dog hood.

The second shortly before half-time was more of a classic Donnelly move, with William Burgos doing his hopes of unseating Walter Jordan from the right-back spot once more the power of good with a series of impressive overlapping moves with Edwards. In the culmination of these, Burgos beat two men and crossed for Ma to propel a powerful header into the top left-hand corner.

After that first international goal, the Gwangdong midfielder was in no mood to rest on his laurels and notched up his second mid-way through the second period when served by Pi his shot was saved by the ‘keeper. He got to the rebound ahead of the Niran defence however and rolled it in. The rest of the second half was played out in half-speed, as C&M’s squad players enjoyed the accolades of the couple of thousand fans tucked away in a lofty corner.

The group’s big games however were elsewhere; in Bloedmeer, Endmile and Yarzoya, Kura-Pelland. The final results saw reigning World Cup holder Az-cz sneak past the Endmili surprise package while Northern Bettia took a two-nil win against Gweridijongya to book their place at the finals by a single point and the skin of their teeth.

For Gweridijongya’s few remaining citizens and fans; the final indignity came when WC organisers confirmed that they would finish the qualifying competition on minus sixty-eight points following their country’s ceasing. After the immigration row of recent weeks, the bulk of Gweridijongya’s six thousand remaining civilians have accepted the Kura-Pellandi offer of rehousing, though the Home Office has confirmed that around six hundred have been granted indefinite asylum in C&M. The junior foreign minister Clare Hamilton has since reiterated the C&M government’s commitment towards discovering the ultimate fate of the Gweridijongyan population as well as helping its “residual populace” in their new lives “wherever they may be”.

The real drama of matchday fourteen was, as expected, in Group 7 however where the game between Ad’ihan and Sel Appa ended in a one-all draw that saw the former World Cup semi-finalists and third-ranked country in the world fail to qualifying. Serious civil disturbances broke out in both countries in the immediate aftermath of the game, with several thousand Sel Appan supporters in Ad’ihan having been arrested after considerable damage was caused to the Protectorate Stadium. Speaking on TTO’s Evening News, Lyndon Hernández MP, the chair of the all-party parliamentary group on Rushmori agricultural subsidies who has links to both the former protectorate and its former protector the former Liverpool England, condemned what he described as the inexcusable actions of the Sel Appan fans but appealed to the Ad’ihani authorities to show restraint, with the new administration maintaining that the establishment of guilt could result in execution for hundreds if not thousands of rioters.

Hernández’s comments have already been condemned by certain sections of the C&M press and political world as an unnecessary infringement of the country’s traditional strict neutralism and recognition of the rights of foreign states to democratic self-determination on all legal matters.

The incident threatens to overshadow the performance of Sorthern Northland in reaching their first finals by topping Group 7. Celebrations continued in Albrecht last night as goal flash after goal flash came in as the Sortherners emerged with a six-one victory at the not-inappropriately named liberal haven state of Beer Served Here. Police were called to incidents in the Irish Street and Songstress districts of the capital, as well as areas of Clotaire and Melin with notable Irish and Sorthern Northlandish populations, but the ‘high spirits’ of the locals did not result in any arrests.

In the name of BoF-23 solidarity, CAMAFA’s Jones also passed on his congratulations to the respective FAs of Kura-Pelland, Vephrall, Ulospavon and Daehanjeiguk.

Daehanjeiguk

15-02-2008, 18:53

SIC (that's Silly In Character)

Recent news over rumors of nuclear war has prompted an emergency meeting between the Emperor and his closest advisors.

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

====

皇 - Okay, so who's the country that's threatening nuclear war with us?

外 - Bostopia.

皇 - *blinks* You can't say?

外 - I just did.

皇 - Why?

軍 - According to an MBC Documentary, one of our football players nuked Fort Boston.

皇 - Documentary? How was I never informed of this incident?

軍 - I don't know. I only learned of it from one my staffers.

外 - It also helps that MBC only broadcast the documentary on its International channel, so relatively few people within the Empire are aware of the crisis. But rumors are enough for the people to riot until we retaliate.

皇 - Retaliate? But we apparently struck first.

外 - True, but there's a problem with first strike capabilities, because they usually incur a first counter-strike. In which case, we need to have plans for a second strike.

軍 - Which we are prepared for.

事 - Have we thought that this documentary could be a dramatization of what would happen if our two countries went to war?

軍 - Why would MBC do that? First of all, all Han dramas have someone falling in love, and starting nuclear war doesn't sound like making love.

政 - Well, with what kids learn these days, I could imagine somehow people imagining nuclear war as romantic.

皇 - This is all just plain stupid. Maybe we should talk first? Let them know we're really sorry? Maybe we can avoid an international nuclear crisis?

軍 - It's too late for that. Don't you know that we've already got a bad reputation with the Bostonians?

外 - That's Bostopians.

軍 - Whatever. The Mujeongbu started their campaign against Casari and killed a lot of people in Bostonia during a rally...

外 - That's Bostopia.

軍 - ...and the threat of nuclear war is only going to escalate that problem to new heights.

事 - Let's just hope that we don't get drawn into the same group as Bostonia again.

外 - That's Bostopia!

皇 - What's the difference?

外 - I honestly don't know, but I wouldn't people calling our country The Striking Screams of Past Experience (incidentally all homophones with "daehanjeiguk").

皇 - I say we talk to the Bostopians and see what's the situation like. Maybe we can arrange a monetary solution.

軍 - There's no hope for that idea. These people live on tanks and every person has a nuclear missile silo in their backyard instead of a bomb shelter. Not to mention that whenever they go overseas, they steal or sabotage foreign supplies of beer and alcohol.

皇 - We must protect our alcohol. There's a lot of tradition there.

事 - I've already got that covered.

政 - I think we should try talking too. Maybe diffuse the crisis. You never know. Maybe the Bostopians don't know that they've been nuked by one of our football players.

*everyone is silent and stares at the Finance Minister*

皇 - You know, maybe escalation is a bad idea. If they don't that they've been nuked, us knowing can compromise the balance of peace. And we don't want to lose the balance.

*everyone nods*

皇 - Officially, a nuclear strike never happened. And never will happen. We will categorically deny any nuclear strike on Bostopia by one of our football players. And from now on, I think we'll restrict the access of our nuclear facilities.

外 - I actually heard that the player stole the nuke from Bostopia and used it against them

*everyone gapes in awe*

皇 - Hmm. This might be a matter of discipline then. From now on, all Han football players are mandated never to learn the art of breaking into nuclear facilities and using nuclear devices in any state.

事 - What do we do about the players we have now?

皇 - I have just the plan to make this work...

Bostopia

15-02-2008, 19:08

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

Denfeld Talks on Sel Appan Rioting In Ad'ihan

Field Marshal Denfeld of the Emperor's Own Regiment spoke to the Daily Mail today from the E.O.R.'s Headquarters in Riikenberg, PF. The Field Marshal told us that an offer had been made to the Ad'ihani Government to help with the execution of Sel Appans found guilty of rioting and desecrating Protectorate Stadium.

The Field Marshal said “The Bostopian Army, let alone the Emperor's Own Regiment has dealt with many terrorists and other persons within our time, and we have developed many methods for extinguishing these threats and criminals.

We do of course have a range of methods, from those which are most humane, to those which are more suited for mass executions, not to forget the most painful methods devised, though they are mostly used for the worst criminals.”

After the offer had been made, stock prices in companies involved in the manufacture of rope rose tenfold.

Sel Appa

15-02-2008, 23:56

"Sel Appa understands that relations have been hurt by this incident. While we do not like this position Ad'ihan has taken or plans to take, we understand.

We also would be most upset if our landmarks were destroyed or damaged by rioters, but Ad'ihan must understand the circumstances. During riots, people tend to lose all control of reality and cannot be expected to make a thoughtful decision. Sel Appa does have capital punishment on the books for some crimes, (in fact, similarly, we have capital punishment for destroying things such as libraries) however, we do not have it for murder. The argument is that to kill, a person is not capable of considering the consequences of their actions. Therefore, Sel Appa does not believe that the death penalty is an effective deterrent for such a crime. Similarly, our citizens lost control of thought when they were rioting.

We would gladly provide our renowned historical restorationists to help ensure that your national icon is restored. Ad'ihan must be willing to compromise and come to the table in the name of fairness and justice.

Sel Appa will work with Ad'ihan to discover who started the riot. Video replays indicate that someone yelled 'AMEUTEZ!', riot in French. That person is probably as close to responsible as anyone. It also seems that they may have used an electronic amplifier. Video footage an photographs are being scoured and examined for anyone carrying such a device or try to pinpoint where it came from.

Your nation is welcome to question all those involved to try and uncover any information. If torture or harsh interrogation techniques are used, Sel Appa will be quite concerned and will have to deal with such an issue. We also hope that you begin figuring out those who could not have started the riot and clear them to be sent home. They will all be further questioned here in Sel Appa.

If a person or several persons are found to have been the culprit(s), then Sel Appa WILL fight for the extradition of said person(s) so they may be tried in a Sel Appan court."

Sel Appa

16-02-2008, 00:05

The Sel Appan Ambassador to Bostopia, Kirby Rutt, has warned Bostopia against getting involved in the dispute with Ad'ihan:

"For the great nation of Bostopia to get involved, especially in a material way, would be the start of the severe weakening of our relations. Bostopia has been a good friend and ally and we hope to continue our relations."

Jeruselem

16-02-2008, 00:15

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC coach to stay on Jeruselem

Coach of Jeru FC, Alfredo Neves from Cafundeu, will offered a new contract after he almost did the impossible for Jeru FC. Jeru FC gave Wentland a shake coming within qualifying for the World Cup. This was closest Jeru FC had come to qualification.

With 7 wins, a record for Jeru FC in any cup - paired with 1 loss and 6 horrendous losses. It was a great effort by the team to come 4th in their Group. There were helped by an underperforming Wentland who really should have done better.

They were the 3rd best scorer in Group with 27 goals, behind 5th placed Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and group winner Squornshelous. The defense were not matched in ability with army boys conceding 29 goals while mirrored the Jeru FC effort conceding 31 goals.

Still, compare this to Jeruselem who scored 9 goals and 4 draws, and only one loss. Jeruselem scored 37 goals and conceded 11 goals. So Jeru FC is not a new Jeruselem, they won't be top 10 material.

So with Jeru FC scoring just under 2 goals per game but giving over 2 goals, they can still get better! With Jeruselem scoring over 2.5 goals per game and conceding less than one goal - we can hope our army team can emulate them.

Former Jeru FC coach Dazza Dallas (aka "The Bike") said
"You know our boys did a great job despite their defensive lapses. We had some great wins and what sunks us was the big losses to Wentland. I say we keep Alfredo Neves! His style may not work in Cafundeu but for our army boys, it's the right thing. I think they could do well next cup and God, even qualify!"

The Jeru FC coach talked up his team
"I'm proud of my boys! They don't have talent coming out of the junior teams, but I've whipped this team into shape. We didn't quite get over the line this time round but I think next cup, we will do it. All I have to do is stop the team suffering those big losses, once we start losing - the teams drops off and plays rubbish. I hope I get a pay rise out of this, yeah! I've got a house to pay off."

Sorthern Northland

16-02-2008, 00:21

The South Bank
Qualifying, idiots and terrorists.

By Glenn Brigstock
Football Columnist

National Heroes
So finally, two years after qualifying started and just fourteen years after our great nation was founded, we have qualified for our first ever appearance in the finals of the World Cup. And in style as well. No scraping third place for us. A highly polished six one win away to Beer Served Here saw the Sortherners finish in first in a tough group. To see how tough it was look at Sel Appa, ranked third in the world, they will have to make do with the Cup of Harmony.

Whilst accusations of match fixing and dogged us and will continue to do so from the dull draw with Bazalonia, the team, resting a number of big name players, put in a fantastic display to thrash Beer Served Here. A result which will delight our fans from Dún Chaoin in the far west all the way to those living in Albrecht, Clotaire and Melin all the way over in Candelaria And Marquez, a fine nation with which we seem to grow closer to all the time. On behalf of all Sortherners, and Candelarian citizens in Sorthern Northland, I would like to offer my best wishes and support to C&M in the World Cup, unless they play The Sortherners of course.

Unfortunately though, idiots are the main storey at the end of Group seven's World Cup Qualifying. Seemingly unable to accept defeat and failure to qualify Sel Appan fans in Ad'ihan took to ripping up the Protectorate Stadium in mass riots which saw hundreds if not thousands injured and quite probably killed. Whilst I do not advocate the death penalty or the punishment of every single so called fan involved in these disturbing scenes, the ringleaders of this immaturity must be bought to justice.

Hopefully though the world will recognise the achievments of Sorthern Northland's team in finishing top of a difficult group but I suspect they won't but at least Sorthern Northland can recognise these heroes when they return tomorrow before heading out to either the UCS or Valanora.

No Oxen Cup, what do we do now?

The authorities in Qazox have recently announced that there will not be an Oxen Cup after the World Cup this year. Which leaves us asking the question, how do we get our football fix after the World Cup?

Of course it is for a good reason as it will see the return of a Tour de Qazox, and event that may have a stage in Sorthern Northland which will be exciting but lets be honest cycling isn't and will never be our national sport. Football is and the only things which can come close to challenging football are Rugby and the Gaelic Games and even then those are limited to certain parts of the country. Football though unites the whole country, and it is good to see that Sel Appa are planning to host a Turtle Cup to replace the Oxen Cup. I for one look forward to Sorthern Northland taking part in this.

Bostopians should be good at dealing with terrorists by now.

Whilst reading through the Bostopian Daily Mail looking to something to get angry about I found this quote from a Bostopian Army official, “The Bostopian Army, let alone the Emperor's Own Regiment has dealt with many terrorists and other persons within our time, and we have developed many methods for extinguishing these threats and criminals.

We do of course have a range of methods, from those which are most humane, to those which are more suited for mass executions, not to forget the most painful methods devised, though they are mostly used for the worst criminals.”

Of course they have dealt with many terrorists. Unfortunately they seem rather inept at dealing with those terrorists that persist in declaring an unprovoked war on a nation which would have no chance of even causing a remote threat on Bostopia. What next? A Bostopian embargo against Sorthern Northland like the US one against Cuba? It wouldn't surprise me if it already exists to be honest.

Glenn Brigstock is a former professional footballer with SN Division One team, Heathfield City. He finds the Bostopian government distasteful and regularly has to be restrained after becoming angry from reading articles written by right-wing media sources. He clearly also doesn't pay attention to who has a trade embargo against Sorthern Northland but then again neither do we.

Sel Appa

16-02-2008, 02:04

Coach Charles DuPont Resigns
Sel Appa's National Football Team Coach for ten World Cups has announced his resignation. "It is obvious that my capabilities have diminished and am no longer the best for the team. I believe they should be free to move on and find a better guide. I have enjoyed my tenure and our success in international football, but it is time to move on." DuPont headed the team since they first stepped onto the International Stage and led them all the way to third place against Zwangzug in World Cup 37.

His legacy will be hard to forget. The always-optimistic DuPont never doubted his team nor faulted them. He was a father to many and inspiration to all. Football Federation of Sel Appa president Sharon Eiboln accepted his resignation, but "regret[s] the decision". She said she understands his decision and knows he also has commitments to his family. Eiboln was elected to the FFSA presidency after former president Henri LePoivre resigned over an apparent glass ceiling for Sel Appa above the Group Stage. Under her first World Cup run, Sel Appa went all the way to the Semifinals. They lost to Az-cz, but defeated Zwangzug 1-0 for third place.

The Turtles need a new coach before the Cup of Harmony commences, a tournament to give non-qualifiers a consolation prize. Sel Appa is widely expected to dominate the tournament being hosted by Cafundeu and Daehanjeiguk. Sel Appa had put in a joint bid with Acapais, who also did not qualify, but the bid failed on a unanimous 5-0 vote against. Speculation is rampant about a replacement. The first name on everyone's list is former star striker and team captain: Estevez. The football legend scored many goals for Sel Appa in the first seven cups before retiring from international football. He has since disappeared somewhat from the public stage.

Estevez is probably the top pick and the only recognizable name on any list of likely coach choices. He has much international experience and the necessary credentials to become the team's coach. His popularity is indisputable and would be a well-supported choice if the FFSA does go ahead with asking him. Calls to Estevez's office were not returned as of yet.

Adihan

16-02-2008, 03:10

Canning to meet Collins
Prime Minister Alex Canning has reluctantly agreed to meet Liventian ambassador to Ad'ihan Cmdr Simon Collins over the issue of Sel Appan rioters, the Islands Daily understands.

Cmdr Collins will be representing the Sel Appan ambassador to Liventia, Markus Prodi, who is considered persona-non-grata in Ad'ihan following the shocking events at Protectorate Stadium.

It is expected that Mr Canning will agree to free "fourteen thousand Sel Appans" as a goodwill move, keeping just 1,400 under arrest with another 948 Sel Appans still apparently on the run.

Cmdr Collins will push for the release of more of the remaining 1,400 still in detention, although this is not expected to be granted before the City of Ad'ihan Police figure out who is responsible for the riots that engulfed Protectorate Stadium, and now is known to have killed 14 stewards and 40 Ad'ihani fans in the worst football-associated violence ever in the country.

Sel Appa has called for the release of its citizens with a promise to interrogate each and every one upon return to Sel Appa, something Mr Canning doubts will happen. "I doubt it. The second we let them go back they'll be free and their government would give less of a stuff than we do as it isn't their history that's been destroyed. However in the name of goodwill I am ordering the City of Ad'ihan Police to release 14,000 of those already arrested under a conditional release.

"This is not a full pardon, their names will be taken down and they will be declared persona-non-grata from the United Islands. However if further evidence comes to light against any of them we fully expect the Sel Appan government to return any such individual to our custody."

Blouman Empire

16-02-2008, 04:32

Empire Sneaks Past to Win
Epic game results in 5-4 win
Burner Unlikely Hero

The Blouman Empire last night managed a 5-4 win against Scotchpinestan at home last night giving their fans a game to remember. After recent losses against Jerusalem and Magnus Valerius and elimination from the World Cup confirmed the team and its supporters were at an all time low. In front of a crowd of only 30000 people (half the capacity) the Empire pulled off what being labeled by some people as one of the greatest games ever played. The scoring was opened by Igor Volkov in the 10th minute managing to slip it in to the top right hand corner. Scotchpinestan managed to continued their aggressive attack taking a further 10 shots on goal in the next 15 minutes with miraculous saves by Burner, however off a corner Scotchpinestan capitan Paulo Salcedo managed to get the goal after 15 touches in the 6 yard box and coming off the frame a total of four times. In the 30th minute Speed blasted the ball in the back of the net from 35 yards out catching Scotchpinestan keeper Pedro Marzala off guard. Three minutes later a quick one-two between Junkson and Fox saw Fox slip it past the keeper into the bottom left hand corner. The score at half time 2-2.

After the break the Empire took the lead in the 50th minute Filmar down deep on the right side kicked an excellent cross right onto the penalty spot where Speed scissors kicked the ball slamming it into the back of the net. The 55th minute saw Jamie Watson knock it past the Burner bringing the scores level again. In the 65th minute with Speed running in on goal Scotchpinestan substitute Mike Jones tackled Speed from behind on the edge of the area, replays show that the tackle took place on the very edge, however, referee Clive Grumblebum awarded a penalty kcik to Bloumany and gave Jones a red card, Speed easily shot the penalty giving the teen prodigy his first hat-trick for the qualifers. In the 75th minute a late tackle by Bricker gave Scotchpinestan a free kick 31 yards from goal and a yellow card to Bricker. Scotchpinestan managed to kick it into the edge of the area which saw Watson flick the ball up turn on his defender and chip the ball over the head of the keeper and scored a goal ring the score now to 4-4. Scotchpinestan looked like they would score again with the Blouman defense ripped open but Issacs which had come on for Bricker after he got a yellow card, Issacs took a risky tackle 22 yards from goal which gave the referee reason to blow for a free kick and give a yellow card to Issacs. This kick however was not successful with Burner coming out to punch the ball away. The game in injury time it looked like the high scoring game would end up in a draw however with in what would be the last play of the game a corner was awarded to the Empire which crowded the box with 10 men only defender William Walker staying behind saw the ball comke flying towards the far post a small chip back into the centre of the 6 yard box saw Blouman keeper Henry Burner header the ball through the Scotchpinestan keepers hands and was awarded the goal giving the Empire the lead in the 94th minute and the win.

The team was estactic last night celebrating like they had won the World Cup with Henry Burner the hero, Man of the Match went to Christopher Speed. Manager Luke Danner said of his teams victory "Of all the games I have been the manager of this game will be one of the mai ones that will stick in my memory, the team played well today good passing good tackling and excellent accuracy by the strikers which is finally good to see, if we play as good as this during the Cup of Harmony we will perform well. Captain Sam Kiamar was a little less estactic "Yes we played well and I am glad about this win, but I am a little disapponted with my own playing and the rest of the defense line as we allowed four goals to get through, but looking at the stats I think we played an excellent game and there is more of this sort of play to come"

Sel Appa

16-02-2008, 04:46

"We thank you for your good will by releasing those you have deemed uninvolved. We also offer our condolences for those killed in this dreadful incident. Ad'ihan must understand that riots are not uncommon in football. We hope that the remainder are released as soon as possible. We want to ensure you that our own investigations are ongoing. We await the return of the first 14,000."

Blouman Empire

16-02-2008, 04:54

Final Qualifying Game

The final game in the World Cup Qualifyers will be played today against The Archregimancy away, the team is busily preparing with some players labbelling it as a warm-up game for the Cup of Harmony. While the team is ready to play against The Archregimancy the team is confident of a solid performance against The Archregimancy and are confident that they will be able to pull off a result. While bookies have placed them as the underdog Captain Sam Kiamar wishes to remind everybody that they recently managed to beat top of the table Demot 3-2 after a humilating loss in the first game aginst the team. In that game the Empire lost 8-0 against Demot it worst defeat on the International stage. In the first game against The Archregimancy the empire suffered a defeat of 5-0 manager Luke Danner has stated that he does not want a repeat performance and expects every player to play to their full potential regardless of th fact that we failed to qualify "We must play to our best at all times and I will be informing the team of this while we have not qualified for the World Cup we have been selected to play for the Cup of Harmony and we must continue to play at a top level".

Danner has decided to make two changes to the starting line up to this game to give the players some more international experience. Anthony Williams will come on for Martin Fox and Lord Jason Konogger will come on for Steven Holdings with Lord Konogger expected to play in a Centre defensive position while he is on.

OOC: Style modifer to change from +.5 to -.5

OOC: WELL DON'T I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY FOOL I WAS A DAY OUT I WAS WONDERING WHY RESULTS HADN'T COME OUT

Blouman Empire

16-02-2008, 05:42

Empire Loses Respectfully
Empire Invited to Cup of Harmony

The Empire Lost to Archregimancy today 2-0 with goals scored in the 35th and 67th minutes by two players. This game was also the first game where the Empire had no fans in the stands to support it, due to the strange transportation method to get to The Archregimancy the FFB along with the Head Embassy stated that they could not guarantee safety for the fans and so restricted travel to team personnel and one reporter only, unfortunately this reporter did not get the winning ticket and so I did not get to travel to the game. The game started slow with a possession battle in the midfield holding up the game however in the 35th minute Archregimancy managed to get it pass the defense and after a shot came off the wood work rebounded the opposite side which allowed a second player to run through and easily knock the ball past the line. At half time Lord Konogger and Williams which had started for their first international start were taken off for usual starters Holdings and Fox the team continued to play with possession staying in the midfield the ball was in the midfield for 75 minutes of the game. In the 65th minute The Archregimancy managed to slip it past Burner again to make the score 2-0. In the 80th minute Clappis was placed on for Walker. The final whistle blew with a final score 2-0. Total possession was 50% each with the Empire taking 6 shots on goal with 100% accuracy but the Archregimancy keeper stopping all the shots, Archregimancy managed 10 shots with 90% accuracy.

With this being the final qualifying game and the Empire failing to qualify only managing to win 4 of the four games drawing two and losing the other 8, the empire managed to score 30 goals, but let in 42. Manager Luke Danner had to say of the qualifying games "On the whole we played well, there were some games were we played poorly, while it is always disappointing that we did not make it into the World Cup, it should be remembered that we were placed in the group of death and so we were large underdogs to even make it into third place, but we can now turn our attention to the Cup of Harmony"

The Empire has been selected to play in the Cup of Harmony and has accepted the invite, the Cup of Harmony is a Cup hosted in conjunction with the World Cup and is considered to be a consolation tournament for those teams that failed to qualify. The FFB issued this statement on the selection "It is of great honour that we are invited to play in the Cup of Harmony as only 24 teams were selected from a total of 50 eligible teams, we are confident that we can play well". Captain Sam Kiamar also had high spirits "It obviously depends on who we draw in the group stage as to how we go but nevertheless I am confident that myself and the boys can make it past the group stage and make it into the quarter finals". While the team seems confident there are a lot of good teams in this years Cup of Harmony with Sel Appa currently ranked 3rd in the World and just missed out on qualification tipped to win the cup. The FFB has yet to announce a roster for the cup but it is widely expected to be the same as the World Cup qualifiers

Casari

16-02-2008, 06:05

"Crap, crap, crap." Hill said, sitting in the airport terminal, watching the variety of aircraft take off and land out the window. "I hate flying."

"What do you mean, we flied all the bloody time." Reoni said, sighing.

"Aye, but that was in a proper airship that's not about to lose power and auger into the ground at 700 miles an hour."

"Well, there is one positive."

"What the hell could that be?"

"Well, we'd auger into the ocean, and you might be able to survive that."

Hill sighed and clonked her head on the window. "Oh, balls."

"... wow, that didn't help, did it."

"Not a bloody bit. Why couldn't we find a proper airship for crap like this?"

"Gas prices."

"Aaaah. Which one, lift or go?"

"Lift, I think. I'm not a politician, I don't pay attention, I just kick people in the shins."

"They keep track of those?" Hill said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, the statistics department is off the chain. They counted how many times Barisa swore in goal."

"Really? How many?"

"Six thousand, two hundred and eight."

"... that is the single most awesome thing I've ever heard in my life." Hill said. "I think I could break that on this flight, though."

"... really?"

"Yes."

"There's a hundred sels in it for you if you do it."

"... hmmm..."

"Commme onnnnnnn."

"Damn, fine."

"Okay, that's one, keep going!"

"Shit damn fart."

Reoni sighed. "Fart is not a swear."

"You bastard ass, fart is indeed a damn swear." Hill said, sitting back and crossing her legs.

"Ladies don't use that kind of language!" Vivica yelled across the seating area.

"Bite me, mom!"

Reoni nodded approvingly. "I'll give you one for that too. You're at nine."

Qazox

16-02-2008, 07:23

Meanwhile... Back in Qazox City...

"Sir It appears that the Shepard has told the Flock that "Joe" visited him and told them to convert Qazoxians in a more "Pastoral" way of life" assistant director of Internal Security interupted.

"Hold on a Sec <hung up phone>. What was that?" The Director answered, with a scowl. "The President is on the other line, this better be good."

"Sir, the Cult we've been keeping tabs on is just a tree-hugger group, and according to all of my agents inside, they are about as harmful as a Gnat." The ADIS replied.

"Bah, you interupted me with that? Keep tabs on them, and go away. <picks up phone> Madam President, I apologize for the interuption, We need to...." the DIS spoke.

As he left the room, the ADIS made a note to contact his agents and to nip this "'Shepard' int he bud, as soon as possible.

Krytenia

16-02-2008, 14:02

"This is Flight Captain James Loudon speaking, we are now making our final descent into North Emberton Airport, the local time is now 23:33."

The dulcet tones of the presidential plane's captain gently awoke President Dominique Domasca from her reverie. In her head, she replayed the last few days: surprising Tiberius with an early arrival; going to the match; that kiss on the cheek caught on camera; the weekend lost in conversation, not about trade agreements and defence budgets, not in football tournaments and integrated transport networks, but in movies, music, and the little nothings that make life beautiful. She sighed happily, her dreamlike state broken only by Gabe Kennedy, who was snoring heavily somewhere behind her.

The plane landed with a slight bump, and Dominique exited. Among the cheering crowds though, she did pick out one less-than-friendly banner that had just been unfurled by a group of ladies.

RESIGN, BIMBO! it said in large red letters.

Dominique was slightly taken aback by this. As the offending women (and banner) were apprehended by the authorities, a pang of doubt entered her gut. Was this really how she appeared to the people? An aide rushed up to her.

"Sorry about that, damn Women's League again. Don't seem to think that a successful women should have any sexuality." Dominique smiled, and walked into the terminal, stopping only to send a text message to Tiberius.

Arrived safe. See you soon. D xxx

Wentland

16-02-2008, 14:39

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN!!!! I'M in charge of this football team and I'm going to pick the best side for the game!!!! Your interfering has nearly cost us qualification and I'm not going to blow it now!!!"

Norman Hacker was turning purple, one point needed for World Cup qualification and he was not going to be deflected. "Your bloody birds lost to the Squornies - AGAIN - and now we're in the sh-, er difficulties."

"You have refused to give them a fair chance, Mr Hacker. You have only picked them for the hardest games. Your bunch of butchers have hardly covered themselves in glory, have they? Staggering past the Algal States thanks to the young ladies..."

"I don't care, I don't CARE. We need a point. I have picked the men because we need discipline on the pitch and your girls are anarchic. And that's that."

Portia Probert bit her lip but realized there was nothing she could do. There were no injunctive proceedings and little chance of an emergency application. The best she could do was watch and hope.

***

"There's the whistle, Geoff..."

"You'd think there would be cheers, Geoff, but the entire crowd seems to be asleep..."

"Yes, Geoff. 0-0, Wentland qualify, Hacker said he knew about defending and he was right...as no-one has managed a shot on target at all, Wentland had 67% possession and most of that was along the back line...but the Swifts, and/or Blue Tits, are in the World Cup finals..."

"..."

"Geoff? GEOFF!!!"

Bostopia

16-02-2008, 14:42

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

NUCLEAR WAR WITH DAEHANJEIGUK CAUSES UNNECESSARY PANIC AND CONCERN

IMMIGRANTS AND COMMUNISTS TO BLAME

Many young Bostopian children were today in unnecessary panic and concern following reports coming out of Daehanjeiguk that the Han nation was preparing for nuclear war against Bostopia. A video this newspaper has seen shows a person of Han ethnicity stealing a Bostopian nuclear missile, and then using it against us.

The video continues to show a documentary detailing a war between Daehanjeiguk and Bostopia, which Daehanjeiguk ultimately wins, causing untold damage to Bostopian children and the descendants of their children for decades and generations to come.

As romantic as this newspaper believes nuclear war to be, we are of course concerned that millions of Bostopian children are now seeing the Bostopian flag flying about Fort Boston Castle and asking themselves how long our majestic three-coloured flag shall remain in that position, before it is ripped down by immigrants and Communists taking advantage of this situation.

Communism would indeed be the result of a disastrous war in Bostopia. The Bostopian population, being decimated, would be left even more open than it already is to an influx of Communist immigrants. Sorthern Northland is one such threat.

Being already at war with Sorthern Northland, who have attempted to humiliate our fine nation, gives us the legal opportunity to bestow upon that nation what we cannot bestow upon Daehanjeiguk. The full might of the Bostopian military, primed into action.

---Fort Boston Castle, Fort Boston---

Emperor Boston put down his newspaper.

“Launch a pre-emptive strike against Daehanjeiguk by showing them what we could do, by attacking a country we're actually at war with?” He thought. “It could just work.”

Boston picked up a phone, and dialled the number for the air force. The other end answered a few moments later.

“Hello, Denfeld's Pizza?”

“Hello, this is Emp-...oh, sorry, wrong number.”

“No, no, sorry, this is the Marshal of the Bostopian Air Force.” Denfeld (a year younger than the Field Marshal) said, sounding rather jovial.

“Ah-ha, very funny. I've just had an idea. Could you send a couple waves of bombers to Sorthern Northland, hit some sort of military installation?”

“Should be no problem. We are officially at war with them aren't we?”

“Oh yes, the paperwork was filed a few weeks back now.”

“Good-o. Anything else I could do for you?”

“Well, a seafood pizza would be nice.”

“That was just a joke, Emperor. Ask your wife nicely and she might make you one.”

“Oh. Right. And she doesn't cook. Last time she attempted to, she fried eggs on a radar in the M.B.C.C., thinking that because the panel was red, it meant it was hot. Ruined perfectly good equipment.”

“...right. Well, I'll get right onto bombing Sorthern Northland, in fact, the planes will be sent as soon as this conversation finishes.”

“Why did I need to know that?”

“Well, I thought if you were writing in your diary and wanted to comment on this, you would be aware they'd already been sent. You could even comment on what damage was done, how many planes we lost, that sort of thing.”

“Do you think we'll lose many planes?” the Emperor asked, sounding slightly concerned.

“Oh no, if we lost all our planes, it'd be like us saying we completely destroyed our target without letting the enemy have a pop, bit unfair.”

“Almost godmoddish?”

“I believe so, yes. Well, we'll hit as much of the target as possible, but you know, a brick shithouse or something might still be standing, or possibly the canteen, or maybe even a small workshop.”

“But we'll lose a few planes in the process.”

“Unfortunately I believe so, but like I say, it'd be unfair to not let them have a pop back at us.”

“Very true. Well, so long, Denfeld, I shall speak to you soon.”

“Goodbye, Emperor.”

The two men put the phones down, and went about their business.

Zwangzug

16-02-2008, 15:03

"Do you always do that?"

"What?"

"That."

"Draw with Qazox? No."

"I mean...that...senior slide?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Mcgimpy gestured vaguely. "That...not doing well once you've clinched."

"You're the one picking the teams, you tell me!"

"So, I'm asking. Do you always do that? Did you before I came?"

Andrew thought carefully. He felt used to races that went down to the wire, remaining in contention until the final matchday, and couldn't remember clinching qualification in World Cup 34 (they'd gotten too good, too quickly, too full of themselves) or 35. There were members of the team newer than Coach Mcgimpy, those who believed in playing their hardest all the time. He didn't get along with them very well.

More importantly, there were the consequences of his answer. "No" meant change, progression or regression. "Yes" meant stability, tradition, trusting in history.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, we always do that."

Starblaydia

16-02-2008, 17:23

-
Starblaydia 'Worst Team' in Finals
Rodriguez dropped for Cup after string of errors

Starblaydia will line up in a World Cup delibarately without their number-one shirt wearer for the first time ever, due to Fernando Rodriguez being dropped. His well-publicised errors - notably eight times in World Cup 38 qualifying that cost Starblaydia points - led to him having to spend the last match of Qualifying on the bench as Kostas Nikolaidis shut out Minilla Island West in a 4-0 victory.

"The door to international football has not closed on him forever," Manager Betanii Marrones said yesterday, "he will surely be in the running for a place in the next squad. He still has time to keep on improving, as he has done recently. I simply feel that Nikolaidis has been the better 'keeper in training, and he's my current pick for the opening match - whoever we are drawn against."

Marrones' team, now unofficially ranked at 43rd in the world, will be the lowest-ranked team of the thirty-two at the World Cup. In fact, only three other teams outside the top thirty-two nations will be present at the cup: Dance 2 Revolution, former champions Casari and Daehanjeiguk will go with Starblaydia, having ousted Sel Appa (3rd), Errinundera (now 16th having failed to enter the qualifiers), Jasīʼyūn (23rd) and Ulzaxid (30th). For Starblaydia to even be here, having only begun to compete again on the World Stage four years ago, is no mean feat.

"It took Jean-Paul Georges-Ringeaux three attempts to qualify for the Cup, back when Starblaydia began in World Cup 15," Marrones said, "and for myself to have done it in two is a real testament to the players and my staff, as well as everyone who kept domestic Starblaydi football alive during the hiatus. Bar Qazox, we managed to beat every team in our group at least once - including a top-ten Zwangzug side. I think we really were better than the rankings gave us credit for at fifty-seventh, now we have to see if we're as good as forty-third."

Starblaydia will bring many things to the 39th World Cup, the most obvious of which is the tag of huge underdogs - or perhaps it will be expressed as Group Whipping-Boys, the team that everyone wants in their group to take three easy points from. But Marrones did have a point. Zwangzug, Lovisa and Estresse Intenso have all been upset and defeated, at some point, by Starblaydia. On their day, Starblaydia can beat anyone, and all they need is one or two of those days to come along in the space of three matches and they'll be into the last sixteen in the world. Eighty-something years ago, a forty-sixth in the world Starblaydia progressed to the Quarter-Finals of the World Cup. Who's to say that such an upset could not occur again in the UCS and Valanora?

Whatever happens, Starblaydia will bring fans, colour, music and media to the Cup. Having been starved of World Cup interest for twenty years, the people will be eager for as much of the Cup as they can get, with scores of thousands of fans expected to travel to wherever Starblaydia end up playing. Who knows, in four years time they may not have to travel very far. Preparations for the World Cup 40 Hosting Bid stepped up a gear this week as Simeone Di Bradini, the 84 Cap, 44 Goal (4 Caps, 3 Goals at Under-21 Level) legend, was named as Starblaydia's Ambassador for the bid, along with Gabriel Kennedy of Krytenia. The two men, perhaps the most famous players of each nation's respective histories, will be the figureheads of a media circus with all eyes on who, if anyone, will try to bid against the combined Cyan and Purple machine. There's no doubt that Starblaydia and Krytenia are the favourites for all three competitions in four years time, partly because they're currently the only applicants.

The first crucial vote will be for the Baptism of Fire, which Starblaydia are bidding for sole hosting rights to. It will also be a litmus test for the Cup itself. Details, which is what most of the national associations will want before they cast a vote, are said only to be 'coming soon'.

Much like Starblaydia's appearance in the Cup.

Vephrall

16-02-2008, 18:04

Golden Chariot releases unofficial International Football Power Rankings

PALLONA -- Golden Chariot, Vephrall's most famous casino and bookmaker, located right in the heart of Pallona's gambling district, has once again released its International Football Power Rankings, which debuted prior to World Cup 39 qualifying.

"Our rankings," says Golden Chariot CEO Wesy Ostalir, "differ from the KPBs in that they are a projection of teams' future performance as opposed to a measurement of what they've done in the past."

The IFPRs are based on a poll of 400 analysts nationwide, each having their say on who they believe the 25 best teams in the world are. The votes are compiled, and through a mathematical process the top 32 nations are recognized in the IFPRs.

The new IFPRs are as follows:

IFPR Team Rank Pts Prev KPB
1st Az-cz 516 1st 1st
2nd Squornshelous 486 4th 2nd
3rd Ariddia 358 5th 4th
4th Tynelia 325 7th 7th
5th Milchama 324 10th T-8th
6th Cafundéu 288 11th 11th
7th Valanora 279 2nd 3rd
8th Capitalizt SLANI 271 3rd 6th
9th Sel Appa 270 6th 5th
10th Zwangzug 255 8th T-8th
11th Quakmybush 252 15th 14th
12th Demot 251 9th 10th
13th Kura-Pelland 238 22nd 29th
14th Bettia 235 12th 12th
15th Vephrall 233 21st 24th
16th Bazalonia 221 31st 20th
17th Jeruselem 219 13th 13th
18th Candelaria And Marquez 210 23rd 25th
19th Yafor 2 200 27th 22nd
20th Bostopia 197 19th 20th
21st The Holy Empire 191 16th 17th
22nd Sorthern Northland 189 -- 32nd
23rd Novapsolu 173 25th 22nd
24th The Archregimancy 172 20th 31st
24th Oliverry 172 17th 18th
26th Jasīʼyūn 155 29th 26th
27th Ad'ihan 151 24th 28th
28th Qazox 148 26th 27th
29th Wentland 144 14th 15th
30th Northern Bettia 140 18th 19th
31st Casari 127 -- 35th
32nd Estresse Intenso 125 32nd 36th

Dropped out: Ulzaxid (28th), Dance 2 Revolution (30th)

The pollsters' thoughts on some of the teams that particularly deviate from the KPBs:

Kura-Pelland and Vephrall - "After these nations played host to the previous World Cup, Vircais was exposed to a whole new level of football. And these two national teams have learned from that experience and are running with it."

Candelaria And Marquez - "Or maybe it was just something in the water in the Lowland Clans during that Baptism of Fire. That or the fact that C&M are welcoming foreigners into the league with open arms, bringing them some of the greatest talent from all over the place and passing it on to the national team players."

Sorthern Northland - "You see what happens when you underestimate a team? They just quietly knock everybody off!"

Wentland - "The ongoing disputes over the selection of women for the national team squad can't possibly be good for football in this country. Regardless of the merits of the players themselves, there simply has to be some stability if this nation is going to succeed."

Northern Bettia - "Frankly, it depends on where they play their World Cup matches. If they're in the UCS, they probably will do as well as their KPBs suggest, because no nation I know of is more open to bribery. If they're in Valanora, though, they're likely to struggle."

The Gupta Dynasty

16-02-2008, 18:59

The following is an excerpt from a Ajerite Herald "Gossip" section article.

Ajer Connection?
http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper1098/stills/qu0u53si.jpg
The parking lot where Prince Sebard and Audrey Deguela were spotted

AJER, YAFOR 2 - Normally, Prince Sebard seems like the type of player who stays to himself, who keeps away from the media and his overbearing number of fans, mostly training, either with the national team (since several years, like this one, are World Cup years) or with his club, IYC Ajer, who are the two time defending Yaforite cup champions and are heralded as possibly the best team of this year, this year. That, of course, is mainly due to the additions of various foreign players, such as Jeros Dragonhand, the Valanoran Under-21 star striker, Stephen Ruck, the captain of the Zwangzug national team, and Brandon Deguela, its most athletic player. However, it is regarding the latter that news that would interest us has evolved.

Recent rumors from both the national team circuit and the club side state that Brandon Deguela and Sebard have become very close. "They are almost like brothers." states Wimil Alvarien, a long-time trainer with Chelmar FC, and an associate trainer with the national team. "They call each other often, now that they are on separate sides of the field, but still wish each other well." He goes on to state that he "wishes all international players were like that." However, this relationship may go a bit beyond simply a close friendship on and off the football field. While two teammates may simply be close, there is evidence that perhaps, in this case, the friendship between the two players may be for another reason.

Deguela's sister, Audrey Deguela is reputed to be just as close with the Yaforite footballer. "They talk almost as much as Brandon and he do - and whenever they talk, it's behind closed doors or something." Alvarien continues. "It's almost as if they have something to hide." Audrey Deguela is reported to be very pretty, and if the male football star is interested in her, it would explain the close friendship between both teammates. "If the two footballers became friends on the club circuit, it is very likely that something could have happened between Deguela's sister and Sebard." says one sociology professor at the Imperial College of Uharan.

It is clearly more than a supposition. Recent photos have surfaced on the web showing Audrey Deguela and Prince Sebard kissing in a parking lot, after they went on what was most likely a date at a nearby coffee shop. One server (the only server who agreed to be interviewed), agrees that, "they seemed very close" and "they held hands most of the meal". If they are involved in such a manner, it would seem strange for Prince Sebard to conceal it from the media and, perhaps his family. Is there more here than we can see at first glance?

If anything, Sebard's fans (excluding various female ones, of course) will not be shaken by this news - unless, of course, it affects his World Cup performance. "I love 'The Prince' and hope he succeeds wherever possible - even his love life!" says one young fan, a female, outside the Zydrakos Dome before the three-zero victory against Casari. Sebard has come to be known as "The Prince", a nickname which first came about during World Cup 30, where he decimated opposing defenses due to his extraordinary ball control and skills. Since then, it has stuck, and Sebard is almost always mentioned on television and the radio by his first name, even though (or especially, maybe) he has not yet found a "Princess" to make his title whole.

Perhaps it may be interesting to see, if Zwangzug and Yafor 2 are drawn in the same World Cup group? Audrey may have a hard time deciding who to support.

[OOC: Yup, I fail miserably at tabloid articles.]

Sorthern Northland

16-02-2008, 22:56

---President's office, The Houses of Parliment, Beningrad---

"Alright Dave?"

"Who the 'ell is Dave?"

"You, ain't it?"

"No I'm the President."

"But your name is Dave right?"

"No it's Jimmy Sheridan."

"Oh, alrite then Dave."

"What do you want anyway Trig?"

"Well, as you'll know Dave, I was recently hired by the Secret Service to listen in on Bostopian conversations using this little device that has been fitted into my broom."

"Right and why are you telling me this? Your job title is Road Sweeper not Aide to the President."

"Because I just heard a conversation between Emperor Boston and some army general."

"Interesting, what did the Emperor say?"

"He was ordering a seafood pizza."

"Right, thanks for tha... hold on that's a load of shit. I don't care what he eats, I want to know when he attacks us. Now get of here."

"See ya Dave."

"Ejit."

There's a knock out a door.

"Who is it now?"

"It's Agent Smith, Mr President."

"Ah come in, take a seat Agent Smith."

"I have disturbing news from Fort Boston sir?"

"What is it?"

"Well I was listening in on a conversation, and apparently Emperor Boston has a very fishy smelling wife. She can even produce a seafood pizza instead of children from her womb."

"What the fuck? Have you been talking to Trig again?"

"Well I must admit that the reception wasn't very good so the vocal wasn't clear but I did also gather they are attacking us."

"Shit! They are?"

"Yes."

"Where and why?"

"Military installations and to say to The Han Empire, Hey look what we can do, now back off."

"Military installations? I thought the military was so underfunded it didn't have anything."

"So did I so I looked into it, and found that they have a few campsites outside Beningrad and Corcaigh as well as a very decrepit missile launcher and are attacking them. Oh and they believe there is a military bash under this office so will attack here. Hold on what's the sound?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!! WE'RE DOOMED."

A missile lands outside blowing the ornamental fountain in the square outside the President's office to bits.

"Wow that was close eh Mr President?"

"Yes, we must strike back."

"How?"

"We shall hit military installations and a brewery around Fort Boston. Send our finest hundred planes there now."

"You mean the...?"

"Yes, Smith send in the F11C Goshawk's."

"Ok, I'll just phone the commander of the Air Force, do doo do do do do doo."

"Do you have to do that tune?"

"Sorry, President, aha Air Marshall Scotting, send one hundred F11C Goshawk's to bomb military installations and a brewery in Fort Boston immediately."

"Erm you put the phone down when you've finished speaking."

"Oh right yeah."

"Was there anything else?"

"No."

"Why are you still here then?"

"Dunno, finished work, for the day. Just felt like having a chat."

"Er Okay then."

"So hows the wife?"

"She died in those tsunami's four years ago, you were at the funeral remember."

The room fills with an awkward silence.

"Oh actually I just remembered I'm supposed to meet someone. Good day Mr President."

Daehanjeiguk

17-02-2008, 00:47

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

====

*conversation already in progress*

皇 - ... So you're telling me that they're at war with Sorthern Northland because they named one of their football stadiums after anarchic terrorists that supposedly killed the Bostopian Emperor?

外 - Yes.

皇 - And the reason why they're carpet bombing Sorthern Northland right now is because they've seen our documentary are were scared of an alliance between the Han Empire and Sorthern Northland, and as such launched a pre-emptive strike against Sorthern Northland to prevent such an alliance from materializing?

軍 - Yes.

皇 - And the Moon Hwarang (my intelligence agency) has confirmed conversations in Fort Boston of possible nuclear strike against the Han Empire, all because of the recently released documentary of a nuclear war that we supposedly won - by the way, did we really win? - has scared the little children of Bostopia?

事 - Yes. And I don't think anyone won in the documentary.

皇 - Get me on the line with MBC as soon as we're done here. I'm going to have a fine talk with them on fine art of not screwing over people and censorship.

軍 - I should caution that now is the best time to prepare the blessed second strike policy.

皇 - We don't have a blessed second strike policy, especially as we don't have a first strike policy in the first place.

軍 - Considering that the Bostonians...

外 - Bostopians.

軍 - ...are afraid of us, now that they believe that we would win a nuclear contest, we must prepare for the inevitable first strike that will come from Bostonia.

外 - Bostopia.

軍 - Therefore, I have prepared the protocols to launch all of our nuclear-capable mobile platforms for the order to attack Bostopia.

皇 - Where the hell is Bostopia?

*cricket chirps*

皇 - Where is this damned country? How did we send a football team to this country if we don't know where this country is?

政 - Might I mention that our football team is the one that managed to steal the nuclear weapon from Bostonia? Maybe instead of focusing our attention to an expensive campaign to launch of our mobile platforms, we could focus on trying to steal their nuclear supply and hold their country ransom in return for peace?

外 - First of all, it's Bostopia! Second of all, why would we commit what is virtually an act of war against them only to hold them ransom to preserve peace? I mean, consider this. They're bombing Sorthern Northland, with whom they're already at war against. What makes you think that stealing their nukes would make the situation any better?

皇 - I want a solution that will make things better. I want a peaceful solution too. Is that possible at this time?

*cricket chirps*

軍 - I'd say no.

皇 - Thank you, Minister of Defense. Anyone else have an opinion?

*cricket chirps*

皇 - We need to get an exterminator in here or else my head is going to explode with all of this chirping.

事 - Crickets are good luck by tradition.

皇 - They're also annoying.

外 - I have the perfect solution! We'll send Bostopia a bunch of lucky crickets!

皇 - Eh? What's that going to do?

外 - Crickets are good luck. By sending the crickets, we'll be wishing the Bostopians good luck.

軍 - They don't need our good luck. We need it. We need to prepare for war! For crying out loud, we should be meeting in a safer location too.

皇 - What? Is this bomb shelter mausoleum, buried a kilometer under the ground not safe enough?

軍 - No. I saw a crowd of merchants selling "Han versus Bostonia" t-shirts on the way in. Too many people know about this place, and it's just easy for any one of those merchants to try and come inside this complex.

皇 - What a minute? There are merchants outside this complex? Where's the entrance?

政 - Marquis Yi is thinking about the complex at Goyang. There are no merchants at the entrance.

軍 - Wait. Which one is this one then?

皇 - Great. Our Defense Minister wants to start a war, and he knows neither where the enemy is nor where he is. How can we win such a war?

外 - Are we even at war against the Bostopians? I mean, you never actually declared war against them.

軍 - The Bostonians have all but declared war against us...

外 - BOSTOPIANS! P! P! P! P! P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-!

軍 - Postonians?

*Marquis Pak leaves the room into the neighboring sound-proof room*

外 - GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*re-enters the room*

皇 - You know, you're supposed to close the door to a sound-proof room if you don't want people to hear you screaming.

事 - I'd have to agree with Marquis Pak's plan to send a package of crickets. Even if we go to war, we could show our charity by wishing them good luck.

皇 - Okay. So this is what we're going to do.

*cricket chirps*

皇 - Uhm... So we're going to send a box of crickets. We'll send them a ton (ooc: mind you, that's 1000 kg), just in case. We'll also issue a statement by the Foreign Ministry, indicating that the Han Emperor has not declared war against Bostopia, has no intention to declare war upon Bostopia, and will not declare attack Bostopia at all, unless attacked first. And then if they aren't satisfied by all of that, we'll secretly mobilize our mobile nuclear platforms. BUT, only as a last resort. I don't want them to think that we want this war any more than they want it.

軍 - As far as I am aware, they do want it.

皇 - Okay, well then... we don't want this war even if they do want it. Ok and before I forget, I want the Moon Hwarang to get more information about Sorthern Northland so we can get a run-down on what's the status in this war. From what I've heard, they've actually got ethnic Han citizens there too, so it should be easy to infiltrate their society.

政 - Actually, we've already got Hwarang agents there.

皇 - Oh... well, what's the run down there?

政 - I don't know. I'm just the guy that pays for everything.

軍 - The Bostopians have targeted every military installation in Sorthern Northland. From our limited intelligence, they have a few campsites around the capital and a rudimentary missile defense system.

皇 - Wait. Why do they have such a crappy defense system?

軍 - They're communists that support anarchist terrorists.

皇 - Okay... do we know anything about the Bostopians?

軍 - What we know comes from the Sorthern Northland intelligence. Apparently, the Emperor likes seafood pizza.

皇 - Hmm... okay, scratch that order for a ton of crickets. Make that a ton of crickets and some seafood pizza. By the way, what is this 'pizza'?

軍 - I don't know. I'm not a cook.

外 - I've got Count Han (of the Academy of Foreign Affairs) to get this stuff. Anything else while we're at it?

皇 - Umm. What else does the Emperor like?

軍 - I don't know. It just says that he was ordering some seafood pizza. Oh, we have a rudimentary idea of where the Sorthern Northlanders are attacking.

皇 - Oh. Maybe we should tell the Bostopians that too.

軍 - They're planning to attack a bakery.

皇 - Bakery? Why a bakery?

軍 - That's what intelligence caught. I don't know anything else.

皇 - Hold on that last part. Just send the ton of crickets and seafood pizza. And don't forget the declaration.

事 - I think we should reconvene later. Just because it's hard to get any ideas stuck so far in the ground for so long.

皇 - Okay. We'll reconvene. But I want more intelligence on Sorthern Northland. And if possible, we should send some people to Bostopia. People that don't look so 'Han'.

事 - We've got Turks in Shingang Province. I'm sure they don't look so 'Han'.

皇 - Have the Hwarang get Turks to infiltrate Bostopia. We'll see how this works out.

===

IC Declaration

On Behalf of His Imperial Majesty, the Gwangmu Emperor:

It is with sincere regret that recent viewings of a documentary broadcast by a Han company has caused much pain and suffering in Bostopia, and while His Imperial Majesty is not pleased with the events that have transpired since, he wishes to state succinctly that the Han Empire has never declared war against Bostopia, has no intention to declare war against Bostopia, and will likely never wage war against Bostopia unless we are provoked by them. It is our sincere hope that the Bostopian people can rationalize the reality that the Han desire peace, and that despite recent events - including terrorist attacks committed by anarchist organizations with which the Han Empire has no affiliations, in fact combating against said anarchist organizations - the Bostopian people have nothing to fear from the Han. We apologize on behalf of MBC International for the continued viewing of this documentary which was never intended to cause such pain and suffering among the Bostopian people. As such, the Emperor invites a special representative from Bostopia to visit the Han Empire to satisfy any security grievances caused by these events and perhaps even to formalize relations.

Count Han Seungsu
韓昇洙伯
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/foreign.png

IC elsewhere

A Hanjin non-military carrier is flying en route to Bostopia (somehow managing to find a map with Bostopia on it), broadcasting a message to Bostopia air control.

"Hanjin 888 to Bostopia Air Control, Hanjin 888 to Bostopia Air Control - we are bringing gifts from the Han Empire. We have some a ton of good luck charms and one special order of seafood pizza. I repeat, we are bringing gifts from the Han Empire. We have some a ton of good luck charms and one special order of seafood pizza. Request permission to land. Request permission ot land. Over."

Sorthern Northland

17-02-2008, 01:27

"Alright Dave?"

"Huh? Oh for fucks sake Trig, not you again."

"Off home now then?"

"Yes, well no actually."

"Oh whys that then?"

"Some idiots parked their wheelie bin in front of my car thus blocking my car."

"Oh sorry about that."

"No problem."

"That's ok."

"Well do you think you could move your bin so I can get out?"

"I can't do that until you pay the fine."

"Fine, what fine?"

"Your blocking a salt bin. Could be dangerous if it snows."

"Trig, it's the middle of summer, and it's the hottest day on record in Beningrad. It's not going to snow."

"You never know. This global warming business. I have to go to seminars about this."

"Yes Trig, global warming. It means the place is getting hotter, not that it'll snow in the middle of summer."

"Oh yeah, makes sense."

"And besides your a road sweeper, you can't give out fines."

"I got promoted."

"What to? Traffic warden?"

"No Environmental Cleaner."

"Oh and what they do then?"

"Well sweep roads mainly."

"Ok, well look here's fifty rubles, now get out of my way."

"Oh someone from the moon phoned for you."

"Someone from the moon phoned!?"

"Yeah, a Mr Hwarang."

"No, no, no Trig. That's not the moon. That's Moon Hwarang, The Han Empire's intelligence agency."

"Oh right, what's that then?"

"You plonker Trig. What did they want anyway."

"They wanted some information about Sorthern Northland so they could get the low down on the war with Bontospia."

"Bostopia. What did you tell them then? To phone back later."

"No there was document labelled, "War against Bostopia, TOP SECRET, Contains intelligence and strategies for WAR against the Imperialist pigdogs." So I sent then a copy of that."

"Trig you plonker. That's why I told you to tell people to phone back later if you answer the phone."

"Oh right sorry."

You plonker Trig, I'm going now."

"Oh and they said something about setting up nuclear weapons, so they gave them the code to control our nuclear weaponry."

"We don't have any nukes. We can barely afford a MESH tent, so how the hell can we build nukes?"

"Oh the old President not tell you about the thirty nuclear bombs we built in secret?"

"Nope, but he told you?"

"Yeah, oh hold on he told me to tell you. That's it."

"Right so rather than tell me, you tell the Han's how to use them?"

"Well I thought that's what you'd of done Dave."

"No it's not. It's not what I'd of done at all. And my names not Dave."

"Oh isn't it?"

"No, it's Jimmy."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, positive. I've looked it up on my birth certificate and everything. It is defiantly Jimmy."

"So what's Dave then? A nickname?"

"No your the only one who calls me Dave."

"Oh well, I shall have to get used to calling you Jimmy then."

"You will."

*Trig then shouts at his assistant.

"Oi, Basil, you gonna move the bin then? Me and Dave ain't got all night."

New Manhattan

17-02-2008, 04:15

World Cup 39 group draw
Teams in groups A–D will play in the Unified Capitalizt States (and their matches will be scorinated by ESF); teams in groups E–H will play in Valanora (and their matches will be scorinated by CH). The order of teams in each group, other than the first seed, has been randomized for fixtures purposes. Demot, a second seed, was placed in a special pot to avoid being drawn in a UCS group, due to continuing sanctions by Capitalizt SLANI.

UCS stadium information (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406976&postcount=44)
Valanora stadium information (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13444910&postcount=478)

Group A
(4) Capitalizt SLANI (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406982&postcount=45) · nation info (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406976&postcount=44))
(46) Casari (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13399312&postcount=32))
(22) Qazox (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390800&postcount=4))
(12) Cafundéu (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391448&postcount=12))

Matchday 1
Capitalizt SLANI vs Cafundéu @ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan
Casari vs Qazox @ Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium, Sonoma City, Bedistan
Matchday 2
Cafundéu vs Qazox @ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan
Capitalizt SLANI vs Casari @ Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium, Sonoma City, Bedistan
Matchday 3
Casari vs Cafundéu @ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan
Capitalizt SLANI vs Qazox @ Bætica Stadium, Cordubovica, Bætica

Group B
(7) Tynelia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398408&postcount=27))
(15) Wentland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13416219&postcount=55))
(40) Daehanjeiguk (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13409880&postcount=48))
(21) Bazalonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13409702&postcount=47))

Matchday 1
Tynelia vs Bazalonia @ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, Bedistan
Wentland vs Daehanjeiguk @ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, Lontorika
Matchday 2
Bazalonia vs Daehanjeiguk @ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, Bedistan
Tynelia vs Wentland @ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, Lontorika
Matchday 3
Wentland vs Bazalonia @ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, Bedistan
Tynelia vs Daehanjeiguk @ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, Lontorika

Group C
(6) Ariddia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13396947&postcount=23))
(24) Novapsolu
(31) Ad’ihan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392033&postcount=17))
(16) Quakmybush

Matchday 1
Ariddia vs Quakmybush @ Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시, 소코지토 (Sokojito Dosi, Sokojito)
Novapsolu vs Ad’ihan @ Capitalizm, 유포, 소코지토 (ʼYupo, Sokojito)
Matchday 2
Quakmybush vs Ad’ihan @ Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시, 소코지토 (Sokojito Dosi, Sokojito)
Ariddia vs Novapsolu @ Capitalizm, 유포, 소코지토 (ʼYupo, Sokojito)
Matchday 3
Novapsolu vs Quakmybush @ Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시, 소코지토 (Sokojito Dosi, Sokojito)
Ariddia vs Ad’ihan @ Aeropag Olympic Stadium, Aeropag, Jativa

Group D
(8) Zwangzug (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391323&postcount=10))
(41) Sorthern Northland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13404279&postcount=40))
(26) Yafor 2 (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13415219&postcount=54))
(17) The Holy Empire (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400624&postcount=37))

Matchday 1
Zwangzug vs The Holy Empire @ Metropolitan Stadium, Commerce Heights, New Manhattan
Sorthern Northland vs Yafor 2 @ Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium, Querzakhi, Tarraconesis
Matchday 2
The Holy Empire vs Yafor 2 @ Metropolitan Stadium, Commerce Heights, New Manhattan
Zwangzug vs Sorthern Northland @ Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium, Querzakhi, Tarraconesis
Matchday 3
Sorthern Northland vs The Holy Empire @ Metropolitan Stadium, Commerce Heights, New Manhattan
Zwangzug vs Yafor 2 @ Anaphase Alchemy Stadium, Sonoma Center, New Manhattan

Group E
(2) Valanora (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392087&postcount=20))
(32) Kura-Pelland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13416353&postcount=56))
(18) Northern Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13405027&postcount=42))
(20) Bostopia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390864&postcount=7))

Matchday 1
Valanora vs Bostopia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Kura-Pelland vs Northern Bettia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Matchday 2
Bostopia vs Northern Bettia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Valanora vs Kura-Pelland @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Matchday 3
Kura-Pelland vs Bostopia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Valanora vs Northern Bettia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri

Group F
(9) Milchama (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398831&postcount=29))
(34) The Archregimancy (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400573&postcount=36))
(28) Vephrall (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13410674&postcount=50))
(14) Jeruselem (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391544&postcount=13))

Matchday 1
Milchama vs Jeruselem @ Turmondale Grouds, Raynor City
The Archregimancy vs Vephrall @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City
Matchday 2
Jeruselem vs Vephrall @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City
Milchama vs The Archregimancy @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City
Matchday 3
The Archregimancy vs Jeruselem @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City
Milchama vs Vephrall @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City

Group G
(1) Az-cz (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13413345&postcount=52))
(57) Starblaydia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13396958&postcount=24))
(10) Demot (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391693&postcount=16))
(27) Candelaria And Marquez (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392782&postcount=22))

Matchday 1
Az-cz vs Candelaria And Marquez @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Starblaydia vs Demot @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Matchday 2
Candelaria And Marquez vs Demot @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Az-cz vs Starblaydia @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Matchday 3
Starblaydia vs Candelaria And Marquez @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Az-cz vs Demot @ Angelotic Temple, Longview

Group H
(5) Squornshelous (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390954&postcount=8))
(37) Dance 2 Revolution
(19) Oliverry
(13) Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13389966&postcount=2))

Matchday 1
Squornshelous vs Bettia @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Dance 2 Revolution vs Oliverry @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Matchday 2
Bettia vs Oliverry @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Squornshelous vs Dance 2 Revolution @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Matchday 3
Dance 2 Revolution vs Bettia @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Squornshelous vs Oliverry @ The White Fortress, Gladerial

Knockout round fixtures
Second round
Match 1: Winner group A vs runner-up group D @ Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium, Sonoma City, Bedistan
Match 2: Winner group B vs runner-up group C @ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, Lontorika
Match 3: Winner group C vs runner-up group B @ Capitalizm, 유포, 소코지토 (ʼYupo, Sokojito)
Match 4: Winner group D vs runner-up group A @ Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium, Querzakhi, Tarraconesis
Match 5: Winner group E vs runner-up group H @ Raynor Memorial, Hondo
Match 6: Winner group F vs runner-up group G @ The White Fortress, Gladerial
Match 7: Winner group G vs runner-up group F @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
Match 8: Winner group H vs runner-up group E @ Hellgate, Raynor City

Quarterfinals
Quarterfinal 1: Winner match 1 vs winner match 2 @ Metropolitan Stadium, Commerce Heights, New Manhattan
Quarterfinal 2: Winner match 3 vs winner match 4 @ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, Bedistan
Quarterfinal 3: Winner match 5 vs winner match 6 @ Angelotic Temple, Longview
Quarterfinal 4: Winner match 7 vs winner match 8 @ Donna Cathedral, Mar Sara

Semifinals
Winner quarterfinal 1 vs winner quarterfinal 2 @ Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시, 소코지토 (Sokojito Dosi, Sokojito)
Winner quarterfinal 3 vs winner quarterfinal 4 @ The White Fortress, Gladerial

Third place match
@ The White Fortress, Gladerial (Valanora)

Final
@ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan (Unified Capitalizt States)

Qazox

17-02-2008, 05:30

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

WORLD CUP DRAW

The Draw for the 39th World Cup took place earlier today and Qazox has been drawn into Group A, along with Co-Hosts, #4 Capitalizt SLANI, #12 Cafundeu and #46 Casari. On paper, the Phoenix are the third best team of the 4, but as we all know, anything can happen during the World Cup.

The team schedule for the World Cup is below:
Match 1:
Casari vs Qazox @ Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium, Sonoma City, Bedistan

Match 2:
Cafundéu vs Qazox @ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan

Match 3:
Capitalizt SLANI vs Qazox @ Bætica Stadium, Cordubovica, Bætica

Qazox' history against Group Teams (World Cup and Qualifiers only):
vs. Casari: Never Played
vs. Cafundeu: 0-0-1 (Lost on MD1 @ WC38 1-3)
vs. Capitalizt SLANI: 0-1-1 (when SLANI was known as Commerce Heights WCxXx Qualifers, 1-1 draw @ Qazox, 1-5 Loss @ Commerce Heights) also lost in mid-qualifer friendly earlier this year 1-3.

An 0-1-2 (not including the earlier friendly) record and only 3 goals scored vs. 9 allowed against these three teams points to yet another First Round exit, but with a win or two and an upset or two, the 52-year streak of not advancing could finally be broken.

Tommorrow, We'll break down the entire field of 32 and predict who will hoist the World Cup.

Casari

17-02-2008, 05:50

"Ugh, damnit, Cafundéu again?" Danialson mumbled, sitting back on his bed and flipping the channel away from the draw.

"Well... it's not like it's the worst possible draw." his roommate, James Estanberg, said, looking at the room service menu.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, our matches with Cafundéu to this point have been complete brawls, so at least if we're out of the running after our first two matches, we can focus all our energy at fighting and brawling instead of all that unpleasantness of messing with the ball."

"I suppose that's true." Danialson said when Hill stuck her head in the room. "We have the balloons, do you guys have a good view of the road?"

---

"Why the hell are we doing this?" Peter said, taking careful aim out the window.

"Tradition." Hill said, doing her best to jam some kind of flavorful fish dish into a balloon for throwing onto a passing car.

"Why can't we just throw the food out of the windows?" Danialson continued.

"That's not in the spirit of the tradition, Petey."

"But, the tradition seems to be just throwing shit out the window."

"Yup. That's the tradition."

"Then why does it have to be a balloon?"

"Well, Peter, it's like this. It's our duty as proper Casarans to represent the poor boys out in the tents and terrorize the populace in petty ways."

"Right."

"But, at the same time, some things are far too simple, making sure we have a proper level of difficulty and mischief in our hijinx. Follow?"

"Yeah."

"So I'm trying to shove a filet of tilapia into this balloon."

"Can't we just eat the food?"

"Peter, Tilapia is a poo fish."

"... what?"

"A poo fish. A fish that subsists on the poo of other fish and is kept in fish hatcheries to eat poo. A poo fish. Thusly, it is bland, tasteless, and only fit to be thrown on cars." She said, adding some tartar sauce to the balloon and tying it. "Fire one!" Without looking, she threw it out the window, hearing the splash on the road and the screech of tires.

"Aaaah. Now, we're in the World Cup."

Bazalonia

17-02-2008, 06:00

And with the last match completed...

With a score of 1-0

Congratulations to the Bostopian Tourist Board, for their team winning the tournament.

As set out previous agreements, The Bostopian Tourist Board is now The Sponsor for the Bazalopes.

It is unfortunate that we are too late to incorporate the BTB logo into the Bazalope Kits but all other stipulations in the Sponsorship agreement will be met.

In other news.... The results for the World Cup Draw have came out.

Tynelia, Wentland, Bazalonia and Daehanjeiguk, will all be playing in the Unified Capitalizt States in group B.

Tynelia, a good team, but I think thje IFPR's got it wrong they are not as good as their rank shows... We can and will beat them

Wentland - Norman Hacker, an idiot, well, okay that's a bit strong but "I have a good feeling about this match" We can show them why te IFPR's have them down on 39th.

Daehanjeiguk - Asiatics, A good up and coming team, they may very well pull an upset if the Bazalopes aren't careful. They're also mad as hell... Though I think, I may be reading some sort of fiction regarding them... Deahanjeiguk and Bostopia aren't at war? really are they?

Jeruselem

17-02-2008, 07:58

Queen Alexandra Katherine Dallas (Skate), Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas (Bike) and Jeruselem FA President were watching the draw live. Princess Jacinta Dallas ran in, not wanting to miss out on the action.

As they called the names out, everyone was quiet ... it was tense. Who would Jeruselem end up with? After all that, no one in the room was happy.

Skate: <String of swear words>
Jacinta: Ok F**king Bike!
President: Great, the Monks again.
Dazza: Bloody hell!

<Jane Sanderson arrives late>

Jane: Hey, why all the long faces!
Skate: Group F - Milchama, Monks and Veprall and Jeruselem
Jane: Say again?
Skate: Group F - Milchama, Monks and Veprall and Jeruselem

Jane: Doesn't sound too bad!
Dazza: Err, Milchama are ranked 9th, Veprall cause us all sorts of trouble and we have not beaten the monks yet.
Jane: OK, that puts things into perspective! I guess it's up to me now. Don't worry girls, err and boys.
Jacinta: I am not wearing those bloody veils again!

Dazza: Jane, it's all up to you for sure.
Jane: Yes, I guess it is.
President: All we need is two wins. A draw and win at worst but that's not good enough unless results go our way like the other teams don't win games.
Skate: We can't stumble now

Jane: What about Ariddia?
Dazza: Group C with Novapsolu, Ad’ihan and Quakmybush
Jane: Wow, that's an easy one for my team.
Dazza: Yes, I think Ariddia will stomp all over them.

Jacinta: How is Kara Kool?
Jane: She's back and really to kick ass as she likes to say.
Dazza: We'll need her firing on all cylinders right now.
President: Well, I think we need get the team really going now. This going to be quite hard.

Skate: And the game against the Monks had to be last one.
Jacinta: I think a draw against Milchama, a win over Veprall and a draw with the Monks is my prediction.
Jane: I'd prefer to win the first two games and the last won't matter.
Skate: Well, the reputation of Princesses is all on your shoulders. Skate isn't a happy girl when we don't make the 2nd round.

Skate: Good thing us Dallas girls are Ariddian too, we can cheer on Ariddia.
Jacinta: Hey Skate, what about cheering Qazox? You are half-Qazoxian!
Skate: Oh yeah! God, I am a bit of everything.
Dazza: Actually, kinda of explains the temper. Bad-tempered creatures Oxen are.

Jane: Don't worry girls, I'm not here just to get paid. There's a little Jeruselemite in me too.

OOC

Group F
(9) Milchama (roster)
(34) The Archregimancy (roster)
(28) Vephrall (roster)
(14) Jeruselem (roster)

Matchday 1 Milchama vs Jeruselem @ Turmondale Grouds, Raynor City
Matchday 2 Jeruselem vs Vephrall @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City
Matchday 3 The Archregimancy vs Jeruselem @ Turmondale Grounds, Raynor City

Tynelia

17-02-2008, 16:43

“OK Jones, first explain to me why we lost our last match then I want to know what you know about our draw.” Agent Smith demanded of his underling as he stood at attention in Smith’s office.

“Well sir, Coach Conroy thought she would give some of the reserves more playing time to knock the rust off before the cup proper began and give the starters some rest. It was questionable in my opinion but due to our policy of appearing to not be involved this time around there was little I could do about it. I did channel a protest through Agent White but as she was one of the ones to benefit from this idea I am uncertain as to how vehemently she protested the decision.” Agent Jones replied.

“I see, shall we remove Agent White from the field then?” Smith wondered.

“I don’t see any purpose to it, the group was well in hand and I had noted a lack of intensity by the team the match before. Coach Conroy may have been accurate in her idea to rest the starters to get them motivated for the cup itself rather than laze their way in and do poorly.” Jones reasoned.

“Very well then, no further actions will be taken at this time. What of the Cup itself?”

“Well sir, as expected we are the top seed of our group, in fact we gained a PR boost with the latest IFPR rankings that have us ranked fourth above our actual rank of 7th.”

“I see, be sure to ban that paper from the team’s approved reading materials. We don’t want them getting delusions of grandeur here.” Smith ordered.

“Very well sir, I’ll take care of it. As for the rest of the group. We have Wentland, a team we haven’t played since back in the Dragonnii Invyatii days- or however you pronounce it. They’re second seed but had some trouble during the qualifiers. Appear to be in the midst of some battle of the sexes over which team is their real squad. To prepare I have re-routed our spy satellites to cover both squads practices.”

“Efficient, Agent Jones, go on.”

“Next up is Bazalonia who we defeated in our last Cup meeting. Very strong in the qualifiers, only one point behind our total. May be the main threat of the group despite being lower ranked than Wentland. At least we’ll find out how we stand immediately as we face them first.”

“And the last nation? Daehanjeiguk I think they are?”

“A newcomer of sorts to the scene, fewest points of all the teams in our group and lowest rank. They may become a major factor in play according to our projections by no later than WC41, 42% likelihood of getting to the knockouts in WC40, 76% by WC 41. However at the moment the advantage should be ours.”

“Very well then, your conclusions?”

“I believe we should expect at least five points in the group. If we can beat Bazalonia then based on our projections we have a 71% likelihood of getting at least 7 points. Advancement to the knockouts is projected in 74.3% of all simulations.”

“Excellent. Keep me informed Agent Jones, you have done well this Cup. And if your projections fall short I will of course order a review of both the projection computer systems and the operators for possible replacements. Dismissed.”

<elsewhere>

“Brother Zeke, I tell you something’s not right.” Brother John said to his slower witted companion as they sat in the bleachers watching the match before them take place. “Why is it that our holy of holies, the Lord of Scores himself is relegated to the image of the soccer ball when all it does is be kicked around and abused by His faithful?”

“Well, cause he’s humble and all that?” Brother Zeke replied remembering his lessons.

“Then why does the symbol of His greatest foe have the greatest power in the match? The Keeper is bound by no rules, he or she can even use their hands to take hold of the image of our Lord. No other player, even those devoted to the score can do that!” Brother John went on. “I mean why should the Keeper get a special position? No one on the field of play is called the Lord of Scores after all.”

“Because it shows how evil the keeper is, to not follow the same rules as everyone else.” Brother Zeke said in defense.

“But why does every team have one? Look at Brother Alan in net. He is the Keeper for the one team, trying to deny the blessings of his own god to his fellow Othydoxians. Is that right?” Brother John argued.

“Well, no but…”

“See we all know its not right.” Brother John interrupted, “yet we still keep someone there. Shouldn’t we be playing with no keeper so that the Lord of Scores can share more of his blessings? Instead we do our best to try to deny that. I that right Brother Zeke?”

“Well no but…”

“You know what I think Brother Zeke. I think our elders do not really believe in the Lord of Scores. I think they are really Keeperists. Look how they ensure that only a few special people can get His blessings. Should not the Lord of Scores be shared by all, rich or poor, big or small, young or old?”

“Well yes but…”

“Pay close attention Brother Zeke, by their own words they will be condemned. Only then can we bring the Lord of Scores to His full glory.”

“OK Brother John, but I bet you’re wrong about them.”

“So do I Brother Zeke. So do I.” Brother John answered solemnly smiling from within as he had to make his report to Agent Jones later that his first seeds had been planted. Soon Agent Halliway will be known as Agent White for his great deeds on behalf of Tynelia. ‘Brother John’ knew that was one truth no religious mumbo-jumbo would disprove.

Az-cz

17-02-2008, 19:31

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

World Cup 39 Cup Predictions and Predictions Review

Before I get onto my penultimate set of predictions, let's take a look back at how I did in my pre-cup predictions.

Group 9 - Gnomes sweet Gnomes

Boy was I wrong about the team losing focus. That wasn't a problem at all as we won every match but one. Candelaria And Marquez finished second and the Gogs just held on. (3/3)

Group 3 - The prodigal sons

Everyone knew I was going out on a limb in not picking Jeruselem and they made me pay by qualifying with relative ease. Demot and Archregimancy did as well. Not a hugely exciting group because of that (2/3)

Group 7 - President's Last Boys Night Out

Are you freaking kidding me? Sorthern Northland topped the group and Sel Appa failed to qualify. Definitely the shocker of the qualifiers. I missed that one, but I think most would've as well. I knew there would be a huge suprise in one of our groups of interest, just grabbed the wrong one. (2/3)

Group 2 - They've seen Bettia Days

Indeed Bettia has slipped a bit, finishing behind Vephrall and close to Alasdair I Frosticus, but they did all three roll a very easy group. (3/3)

Group 1 - Quaking Warriors

Never mind what I said about Quakmybush struggling. St. Samuel's was bad and Prux, the fourth place finisher here never really made a challenge of it. So the Sharks were just fine (2/3)

Group 4 - History Comes Alive

Squornshelous was absolutely brilliant. Definitely the past and the present. Novapsolu was solid behind them and Wentland did also qualify, if just barely. (3/3)

Group 8 - Group of Death

One of my best predictions. Got all three teams right, with a correct assesment of how things would go and this included calling a cup qualifier from last time around failing to qualify. So go me! (3/3)

Group 6 - Group of Stress

Another fine job. Called Starblaydia making it back to the cup and the obvious picks of Zwangzug and Qazox confirm this group in easy fashion. (3/3)

Group 5 - Commerce Heights Connected Hordes

Hmmm.... Well I did also call Casari making it back to the cup, but I underrated Yafor 2, as I'm wont to do. Instead it was Jasi'yun who failed to qualify. Still calling Casari is good (2/3)

Group 10 - Saving the worst for last

Well I just missed here. The Islands of Qutar were close to unseating Dance2Revolution but neither of them were what you would call good in this group. Still they joined Tynelia and Oliverry in qualifying and earned the title "worst team in the cup".

Now onto the predictions moving forward:

Group G - Friends and Rivals

(1) Az-cz, (57) Starblaydia, (10) Demot, (27) Candelaria And Marquez

What a group for us. We get sent out to Elves Security Forces, where we'll be paired with three nations that know us very well. We open with Candelaria And Marquez, a nation we have unfriendly relations with, and just beat twice in qualification. I think we'll win here as will the Demotians in their opener. Then we face Demot, who we really do manage to face just about every freaking cup. My guess is this will be a draw, a result we've seen suprisingly little of over the years with Candelaria and Marquez winning their match. That'll send us into our last match against Starblaydia needing just a point. The Purple Peril is a nation we haven't actually played very much, but we're where we are today in large part because of a Starblaydi, coach Khim. And there's a Starblaydi on our roster, so we've got that as well. I think they'll cut us to a draw, allowing Demot to top the group.

Group F - Religious Games

(9) Milchama, (34) The Archregimancy, (28) Vephrall, (14) Jeruselem

Three countries know for their religions and something else and Vephrall. Milchama is famous for their religion and rubber chickens, the monks for their religion and their arrogance and Jeruselem is know for their religion and their sluttiness, which by the way is a bad combo. I don't know that Vephrall has it in them to follow Milchama through, but that's what we'll predict to happen, just cause we don't like the monks and wish Jeruselem would reinvent itself about something other than rampant sex.

Group E - Elvish Delight

(2) Valanora, (32) Kura-Pelland, (18) Northern Bettia, (20) Bostopia

The Elves can't be too displeased with the group they've recieved. They're head and shoulders better than the rest here and will advance with ease, although their suffer some pain in doing so. Any of the others could take the second spot, but I'll go with Kura-Pelland to come through.

Group H - Watch out below

(5) Squornshelous, (37) Dance 2 Revolution, (19) Oliverry, (13) Bettia

The two powers of Squornshelous and Bettia can't be too pleased about seeing each other, but should be very pleased about their group mates. They'll roll through this group with Squornshelous nudging Bettia for the top spot.

Now we'll move on to the other side of the cup being played in Commerce Heights.

Group B - Group of Troubles

(7) Tynelia, (15) Wentland, (40) Daehanjeiguk, (21) Bazalonia

Bazalonia have found themselves in a tricky group. While the most difficult is probably group F, this is not a walk in the park. I could see any of the four teams qualifying. I think that Tynelia will come top and it will depend how Wentland plays. On form they're the team to beat but off form I think the Bazalopes will slip by. I'll guess that Wentland continues to struggle and the Bazalopes will move on.

Group C - Ariddia and.....?

(6) Ariddia, (24) Novapsolu, (31) Ad’ihan, (16) Quakmybush

Well Ariddia will win this group. If there was one group winner I'd take it to the bank it's the Rouge-Et-Noirs. Ad'ihan will prolly take the second spot. I'm not a believe in Quakmybush or Novapsolu and Ad'ihan fought off the Turtles so they're on the rise.

Group D - Who knows

(8) Zwangzug, (41) Sorthern Northland, (26) Yafor 2, (17) Alasdair I Frosticus

This group is hard to read. I'll eliminate Yafor 2 because of my belief about them being N. Caesarea, a reference some of our young readers probably don't pick up on. Could Sorthern Northland really move on all the way from their low rank. I say they will. And it'll be the dream realmers leading the way. Yes that means I expect Zwangzug to be a big upset victim in the first round.

Group A - Commerce Heights Connected Hordes

(4) Commerce Heights, (46) Casari, (22) Qazox, (12) Cafundéu

Well first let me disclaimer that I don't know of any connection between Qazox and Commerce Heights, it was just too golden of a group name considering that Casari and Cafundeu were in such a group for qualifiers and are here together, with Commerce Heights themselves. As for the predictions
Commerce Heights is miles better than these teams and with home field advantage will win handily. My guess is that Qazox will take home the second spot to finally move on, but neither of the others will go down easily. It should be a good battle for that second spot.

So now it's on to the second round. Here are the matchups:

Demot v Vephrall
Squornshelous v Kura-Pelland
Milchama v Az-cz
ESF v Bettia
Tynelia v Adihan
Commerce Heights v Sorthern Northland
Ariddia v Bazalonia
Alasdair I Frosticus v Qazox

Demot will move on in front of their rival's home fans and down Vephrall and Squornshelous will thrash Kura-Pelland to set up a match betwen the last two runners-up. And amazingly that will be the less impressive of the quarterfinal matchups in Valanora as we will top Milchama and ESF will beat Bettia to set up a matchup of #1 v #2 and Two-time cup holders vs hosts, in a match that will see someone heartbroken early. Onto the much weaker Commerce Heights groups where Tynelia will top Adihan and Commerce Heights will end the Sorthern Northland dream. Bazalonia will get revenge on Ariddia for their PK killer back in WC31 and Alasdair I Frosticus won't be able to keep Qazox from continuing their best ever run.

Leaving these spicy quarterfinals:

Demot v Squornshelous
Az-cz v ESF
Tynelia v Commerce Heights
Bazalonia v Qazox

Expect Squornshelous to continue their amazing run and send Demot home and expect our time at the top to finally come to an end at the hands of the hosts. Commerce Heights continues to get fortunate matchups and considering that Tynelia is noticeably better than the teams in the other quarterfinals, Commerce Heights should roll into the finals. And I think the Bazalopes will go out on a strong ending as president making the semifinals.

The semifinals would then shape up as:

Squornshelous v ESF
Commerce Heights v Bazalonia

I think Squornshelous will cruelly extinguish the dreams of the Elves and Commerce Heights will dance all over the Bazalopes. Setting up a rematch of world cup 15 in the finals.

Third-place playoff:

ESF v Bazalonia

The Elves will end on a high note by at least finishing in third place and showing their skill to end there.

Finals:

Squornshelous v Commerce Heights

I think the psychychoes, or however that's spelt, will take it a step further than they could last cup and get revenge on the hosts for that tournament so long ago and win their second title.
Commerce Heights v

Kura-Pelland

17-02-2008, 19:53

Kura-Pelland are effectively no-hopers for qualification again after drawing the strongest third seeds with any significant RP-inin supplies. Or alternatively, Kura-Pelland have a golden opportunity to qualify for the last sixteen after drawing the weakest second seeds, and ones with no significant RP-inin supplies to boot.

Make no mistake, this is a dream draw for Bostopia, getting Northern Bettia. But assuming the referees deal with that threat, can Kura-Pelland become another?

It will surely come down to whether the strikers can come through. There's no doubt about it, Kura-Pelland have a lot of strength in depth up front - Jose Cazarez and Fedde Beattis are good enough to be highly rated in Cafundeu's ultra-strong league, Andy Madden is on fire for CMSC club El din Marbles, and Justin Urquhart is the top scorer in the Corganen Championship with sixteen in just eighteen games and yet nearly didn't make even the squad, bailed out only by Norbert Fiero's injury which most are seeing as rather fortunately timed - 'there was no way in hell he was ready', said one sports writer, speaking for most of the country in all honesty.

The defence has played well as a unit in qualifying, for the most part; the 5-1 defeat to Milchama was the result of that unit being broken up, which won't happen again. They will also need to do so again here, but that is seen as likely. Kura-Pelland are always looking for counter-attacking opportunities, exploiting the borderline naive defences of many international teams, and they will fancy their chances of getting some goals against the wildly erratic Northern Bettia in particular.

Just don't even bother thinking there's a chance for revenge against Valanora,. Four years after their victory in Shanvley, there is a rematch with the Valanorans now co-hosting. There is not a cat in hell's chance the result will be anything other than a Valanoran win, and that makes the games with the other two teams critical. That the last of these is meant to take place in the same stadium at the same time - that, or the two matches will take place at separate times - has left many Kura-Pellandis furious. Their taste for conspiracy in football whetted by the refereeing scandal in the Championship that's raging at present, many are insisting the group will be manipulated in one way or another. Some fans are even vowing to boycott the tournament, or travel only to games in the UCS where separate stadia are being used for the final matchday (and, indeed, there are no such double-headers at all).

Squornshelous

17-02-2008, 20:52

Squornshelous wrapped up their first perfect qualifying campaign and Golden Spoon award with a convincing 3-1 win at home to Bazalonia. . . . or perhaps it was Yafor 2. Something like that. Yeah, so. . .

Now the Pschychoes move on to bigger and better hopefully. We've now been drawn into Group H, along with Bettia, Oliverry and Dance 2 Revolution, old foes all of them. Bettia will be our closest competition here, but if we're able to beat them, things should go well for us. Red and black sides have done exceptionally well in years past when able to beat Bettia. Oliverry are also not to be trifled with, but with focus, we should be able to top them as well. Dance 2 Revolution will be a special grudge match for Squornshelan fans, after the heated rivalry that existed between the teams from World Cups 17-20, which included D2R advancing through the group stage in place of Squornshelous in World Cups 17 and 19, and Squornshelan revenge in the second round of World Cup 20. Look for that match to not even be close, as the Pschychoes will be out for blood.

Tomas Kurka, who injured his ankle in the first match of qualifying, and appeared in a limited role in the second half of qualifying, will be resuming his normal duties for the cup. Manager Jorgenson announced he has every confidence in the striker's fitness and every intention of starting him against Bettia. He also announced that despite public opinion, Squornshelous will not use a third kit devoid of the color red for the upcoming match against Bettia, but will wear their usual red sunburst on black, common phobia of the color red among Bettians nonwithstanding.
"Red is a national color for Squornshelans, representing valor and courage, we couldn't call ourselves a Squornshelan team if we didn't wear red," he told reporters.

Bostopia

17-02-2008, 22:00

The Bostopian Tourist Board squad were back in Bostopia, celebrating their win in the Bazalonian sponsorship contest.

“Mr. F. Hughes, you were the first goalscorer for Bostopia and you've won us this game. Many congratulations, sir.”

“Thank you Mr. J. Price.”

The Emperor walked in with some fresh seafood pizza, which Daehanjeiguk had delivered as a peace offering.

“Pray tell, what is this?” Mr. G. H. Wills asked.

“It's pizza. It's a dough base on which tomato sauce is then put on, and then has a topping on, and then baked. Quite tasty.”

“A form of one-sided sandwich perhaps?” Mr. F. Hughes mused.

“Almost.” The Emperor replied, picking up a slice, and taking a bite. He chewed for a moment, then stopped, with an inquisitive look on his face. “This tastes different.” He chewed again. “EGADS!” He yelled, turning all of the heads in the room.

“The pizza's stale!”

---Fort Boston Castle, Fort Boston---

Emperor Boston was writing a letter to the leader of Daehanjeiguk.

“To whom it may concern.
I love seafood pizza, so your sending to myself of a seafood pizza made me grateful. Until I took a bite. You sent me a stale pizza. I don't like stale pizza, and stale seafood is frankly more disgusting and smellier than most of the population of Sorthern Northland.

We have tanks. Do you hear that? TANKS. Why not write a letter to the Casarans and ask them what we do with tanks? And we're really annoyed right now. You know why? Because those damned Sorthern Northlanders put holes in the roof of the Landsberg brewery in Caflin. Some spent bullets almost fell into the canteen.

Apart from that unpleasantness, how are you all? I'm fine, though I can still taste stale pizza, which annoys me. The wife and child are fine, though they're out shopping at the moment so I'm rather worried that we will have to build yet more wardrobes. Wardrobes aren't that bad, it's just the fact she likes walk-in wardrobes and I tend to get trapped in them.

Have you ever gotten stuck in a walk-in wardrobe? It's no fun matter. Granted, it's better than getting trapped in a walk-in fridge and having to use the cardboard packaging that surrounds beer as a blanket. But being trapped really gives you time to think. Just the other day, I figured out how to ride a wheel of cheese down a hill without falling off.

I've never ridden a wheel of cheese down a hill, but if I ever do, I'll know how to do it in relative safety. Perhaps I'll wear a helmet. I think the most dangerous thing would be eating the cheese on the way down. One moment, you're riding a wheel of cheese, next thing, you're riding your backside down the hill because you've ate your vehicle.

Your nation qualified for the World Cup didn't they? So did mine. I'm very pleased. We do have a shot of making the second round for the third time, which would be nice. I wonder if we'd be allowed to take tanks into the ESF? They call it Valanora now I believe, but it was ESF before I died so I'll continue to call it that until I open diplomatic relations with Valanora.

Turks. Have you noticed a lot of them in Bostopia lately? Foreigners really stand out. We don't like foreigners here that much. Hence why they stand out. Our Sel Appan communities are a bit uppity now because we offered to help Ad'ihan execute a bunch of them for rioting.

Oh well. We know where they all live so if there's any trouble, we'll find them. Maybe we'll crash a tank through their front door? Wouldn't that be funny? They'd be all like “snore” and we'd be like “LOL TANK!” and they'd be like “WTF TANK!” I think it would be funny.

Well, nice speaking to you

I can't remember whether I'm writing to a man or a lady so please either ignore the following and substitute it for “yours faithfully” or take note of it.

Hugs and kisses

Emperor Boston

xxx <-- you can ignore those too if you are a man, or donate them to a loved one.”

Milchama

17-02-2008, 23:05

"Holy DUDE COME OVER HERE!"

"What?"

"Look at our group"

"What is it? Oh dear me, goddamnit it all"

"Better be careful w/a group like this"

"Yeh I should"

"We have Orthodox Monks, crazy Jews, us Jews, and nobodies"

"We don't care about the nobodies"

"Agreed"

"This is one religious group"

"Agreed"

"So then what does that do for results?"

"It means we need to win, we need to show that Judaism is the best religion and show that Milchama is the best and most athletic Jewish nation in the world"

"That seems almost Nazi-esque"

"No merely nationalist"

"That's bad"

"Shut up and listen, even if we don't show Milchama as the best Jewish nation we at least need to show that Judaism is better than Orthodox Christendom"

"Agreed"

"Good now let's go out and cheer and watch the Warriors win some football games"

"Yes!"

"Let's just look at the newspaper"

"Ok"

---------------------------------------------

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama placed in the Group of Religion

"Hey wait a sec the first paragraph died"

"No they still have the last line and just read from after the first paragraph"

And now the infamous Milchamian predictions.

Group F
(9) Milchama- That's us. We outrank everybody in this group by a good amount which means that we should probably advance. But stranger things have happened before.
(34) The Archregimancy- Monks. God damn them. That's probably blasphemous, whatever, the point is they are religious and so are we the important part being we're better than them at football. We should beat these fools.
(28) Vephrall- The unimportant team in the group due to their not ridiculously obvious religious affiliations. And do you know what happens to unimportant teams in groups? They lose so that's two wins for the Warriors.
(14) Jeruselem- Fellow Jews. Good for them, they also have very attractive Jewish women which is also excellent. All this means we probably won't win but only draw or, god forbid, lose.

This means we should still advance anyways and from there it's a crapshoot, that we could win but the key is advancing.

Jeruselem

18-02-2008, 00:28

Jacinta: Hello, it's Princess Jacinta "Superbike" Dallas here. I'm with the one and only Rachel Kool, the original Jeruselem hottie.
Rachel: Glad to be back on TV.
Jacinta: Let's review Group F, that's our group. Firstly, how do you think Jane's team is travelling? I don't mean Ariddia.

Rachel:
Well, we had a few too many draws but we did beat Demot once. Our attack needs more sting. Having my daughter Kara Kool back will help as we need an aggressive character. She's always winding people up, including family members. But she's found her match in you girls, she's finding it hard to outdo you lot. I think the key for Jeruselem is goals here, we need to score at least 10 goals for all three games.

Jacinta: Kara Kool and Queen Skate, very similar characters. Kara is nothing like you or her sister Kylie. I heard her middle name is Katherine.
Rachel: Well, Kara was always an aggressive little character. Cycling was too tame for her so she wanted to be a striker. She's quite good but a bit tempermental like your sister who's a bit like that too. Actually it's not Katherine as in your Skate, but it's Kirsten.
Jacinta: Cool, I can call her Kirsten now! So, are Jeruselem going to make the 2nd round?
Rachel: If we can get a draw with fellow Jewbees Milchama and beat Veprall, then it makes the game against the Monks a bit easier. We must get at least a draw with the monks but I want a great win.

Jacinta: Me too, I like winning. Milchama, their chances?
Rachel: By rights, they should be hard to beat but they are a funny team. They aren't an Ariddia or Bettia or Az-Cz, so it depends how they play. If Maggie is on their side or just being a pain. I hope Jeruselem and Milchama make it for the Jewish solidarity.
Jacinta: Yeah, me too ... I'm dating a Jewish boy. You can't say us Dallas girls are fussy about their men. Not that we've ever been fussy in the first place.
Rachel: I think that Flak Sho is good man. I think even my Kara Kool would have grabbed him. I think you keep Kara away from him.

Jacinta: Veprall, their chances?
Rachel: They have a chance but it depends on how other results roll out. The three religous teams have the better track record and seem a little more competitive. I also think the insanity of being religious people gives us the edge too.
Jacinta: And them cutie Monks!

Rachel:
It could be their cup or they'll just collapse in a heap. They have the team to win this group indeed but with Jeruselem and Milchama having their religous ties, it's going be hard for our God to choose. I think it would be wise for Jeruselemites to get a few rubber chickens as backup. I'm sure Jacinta can tell us where to buy these chickens.

Jacinta:
Yes, the Dallas Latex Product store is where it's at. All sorts of chicken and other animals created from the purest Latex. We export to Milchama who never seem to stop demand. That's it from me and Rachel. See Kara Kool as well as the rest of Jane's team in action. I'm Jacinta Dallas, and see you all later. Punchline Rachel.

Rachel: Yes, ON YA BIKE!
Jacinta: One more thing, Ariddia - how do thing they will do?
Rachel: Semi-finals stage. I don't think they'll win though. You Ariddians stick together a bit.
Jacinta: Yeah, can't help it.

Starblaydia

18-02-2008, 00:42

-
G for Grrrreat!
Starblaydia are screwed, basically

We all knew that Starblaydia would face perhaps their most difficult World Cup Group Stage ever, and as such it was proved. The best team in the World - along with Az-cz, Demot and Candelaria and Marquez, that's if you believe Starblaydia's fans, at least. It was the way to the trees and scary underground places of Valanora, and everyone will fully expect that Starblaydia will play their three matches and then immediately bugger off home again.

Their first match comes against Demot, famous in Starblaydia only for the swapping of a pair of White Lions from the Praetoran Zoo for a pristine Dragon's egg, claimed by the exiled tyrant, Viannor. Other than that prised gift there has been little between the two nations bar an AOCAF contest or two. There is still hope to be found in this match, however, as Starblaydia have already defeated better opposition than Demot in the form of 8th-ranked Zwangzug. On their day, Starblaydia can beat anybody.

Previous results versus Demot:
Starblaydia 4-1 Demot (WC31 Group Stage)
Starblaydia 0-1 Demot (AOCAF18 Group Stage)
Demot 3-4 Starblaydia (AOCAF21 Second Round)

Az-cz are a trickier proposition. The last time Starblaydia played 'the best team in the world', they lost by a fairly emphatic five goals to one. That was Ariddia, of course, in World Cup 38's qualifiers. Az-cz owe much of their current greatness, of course, to Khim Azanulbizarn, the World Cup winning Starblaydia manager who took control of the Az-cz side as they clawed their way up the world rankings. They took many of his ideas, ones that had previously worked at Starblaydia, and shaped them into new and exciting techniques that garnered the Az-czzers two championship trophies in a row. Now, however, Starblaydia are officially fucked.

Previous results versus Az-cz:
Starblaydia 3-0 Az-cz (WC30 Friendly)
Starblaydia 4-0 Az-cz (AOCAF16 Group Stage)
Starblaydia 1-0 Az-cz (AOCAF17 Group Stage)
Starblaydia 4-1 Az-cz (1st Di Bradini Cup Quarter 3PPO)

Finally, when the top two teams will have already qualified and the battle for Betanii Marrones' side is simply to try and take third place, Starblaydia will face Candelaria And Marquez. Oh, shit. The one team Starblaydia might be able to beat and it turns out to be C&M. The boys from C&M have proved to be the best youth team in the world twice over, beating Starblaydia on the way to their first title. IF there's going to be an upset qualifier from this group, one would expect it to be C&M, who are at least the equals of Lovisa and Estresse Intenso, who Starblaydia out-paced to qualify for the Cup.

Previous results versus Candelaria and Marquez:
Candelaria And Marquez 2-2 Starblaydia (C&M Win 4-2 on Penalties - 2nd Di Bradini Cup Quarter Final)

All in all, Starblaydia may end up wishing they'd gone to the Cup of Harmony. What this will prove to be, though, will be an excellent trip out for Starblaydia's long-starved fans, with scores of thousands expected to travel over, with or without tickets. They will bring with them the hopes and dreams of an entire nation, all wondering if they can upset the odds and make it through. If not, they will surely go out in style with music, fun and laughter.

Sorthern Northland

18-02-2008, 01:11

"Ah President Sheridan, good day to you, tell me what news has there been while I've been out the country?"

"Huh? Oh Ben O'Bagels, good afternoon, you've been out of the country?"

"Yes I rather fancied a holiday. So I went to Daehanjeiguk. Rather nice place. Check out this tee shirt I bought as well."

"Hans verseus Bostonia? Hmm interesting."

"Yeah think they mean Bostopia, here I got you one."

"Er thanks."

"So what's been happening? The Hans seemed to be preparing for WAR!"

"Erm yes they are. Do you have to shout war every time you say it?"

"Sorry added effect for drama. So who are they preparing for WAR with?"

"Boston... topia as your tee shirt suggests."

"Oh I see, why's that then?"

"Some documentry about a player using a nuke against Fort Boston."

"I see, any word on what they're plans are?"

"Nope but Trigger helpfully gave them the know how of how to use our nuclear stockpile of which I knew nothing about."

"Oh didn't he tell you?"

"Only after giving them to the Hans."

"Oh well if they're at war with Bostopia, I'm sure they'll be put to good use. Now then anything else happen in the war?"

"Yeah, the Bostopians bombed us. Destroyed are army campsites, that crappy missile launcher in Corcaigh and the fountain outside."

"Oh thank God for that. Was going to cost a fortune to tear that missile launcher down. Perhaps now we can use the money to improve our military, buy some decent planes perhaps."

"Yes, we retalliated and surprisngly our plannes made it too Bostopia. Damaged the Landsberg brewery in Caflin apprently."

"Good good, domestic news?"

"Erm well unfortunatly the Bostopians also hit out biggest soap and shampoo factories so all Sortherners stink reet badly at the moment."

"Ah that's what that smell is. Wasn't going to say anything, but theres an emergency Presidential supply of soap and shampoo in that cubboard there."

"Oh right thanks. Erm anything else? Oh we got drawn with Zwangzug, Yafor 2 and The Holy Empire."

"Zwangzug and Yafor eh? Always liked them. Who was the other one?"

"The Holy Empire."

"Oh fecks sake, those religious idiots."

"Yes I think it's them."

"Right well thanks Jimmy, see you down the pub later then aye?"

"Will do, Ben,m will do."

Zwangzug

18-02-2008, 02:24

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
...Okay, now what?
A difficult situation is usually a bad thing. (That's why it's difficult, right?) But this is a situation all fans want to look at. What if your squad is so good, supporting it is boring? Nobody thought it could wind up so long ago, but Zwangzug's national football squad has rank #1 in group D. So who to root for in pool play if you want a win for a low-rank squad? My picks:

*Monopolists: I still don't know if I can say that country officially, but it's Dunboor's land. What's Dunboor, you ask? A cold city, with musical things at any club football match (and this nation's hosting a Cup of Harmony right now)! Not only that, but it's host to Zwangzug's #11, Dunboor FC's "idol". Its fans may support Zwangzug, so go on and root for this squad-until round two, if it plays Zwangzug!

*C&M: Adjusting to fluidity and dilation of our spatial-chronological continuum was difficult at first. Its first qualification saw it crash on matchday 3, but an incoming coach has brought a fairly attacking formation. Jump on its bandwagon prior to cup #4 following its joining. (I think it'll fill up quickly, but what do I know?) Four Zwangzugians play for clubs in this country.

*F (as in BoF) Ants: Admit it, it's fun to watch. Zwangzug's footballing rivals, or approximations to, don't play a dull match. Just don't look for Alan Rauch (fit to work as an official following an unhappy qualification mishap) within a pitch of this squad, though.

It's tough, I know, but Zwangzug's own group contains intriguing squads. In a flashback to World Cup 38 qualification:

*Alasdair I Frosticus' domain: This country is just plain cool. Haddocks and all. Its most famous author has a way with words, and his sagas stick in folks' minds. Which is good for all but our right-back, who's sadly not a fan. (His loss.) Now that this nation is finally playing an actual football squad, it could win a match or two.

*Yafor 2: Cinna's not as prolific as that Frostican guy, but still an iconic man. (Just ask Group D's last squad's old dictator!) 5 Zwangzug nationals play on Yafor 2 clubs, and 1's sibling infamously has a difficult situation in choosing which country to support. But that's why I'm writing this, isn't it?

I said I'd list low-rank squads, but a final shoutout to this cup's founding nation, Ariddia. Is this its last hurrah for a bit? Who knows. It's not that grumpily nostalgic, though, and I don't want to focus on finishing. But this has to finish. So it will.

...This is it!

Demot

18-02-2008, 02:34

Thoril followed the elf's directions and upon entering a brilliantly decorated dining hall, his eyes laid upon the most beautiful of women he had ever seen before. Her skin was a pale white, but it seemed to glow with life despite it, and it highlighted her deep blue eyes. Her long flowing blonde hair laid on her shoulders and framed her face perfectly. She was wearing similiar robes that he and the elf that had entered his room had on, but hers were white where his were violet. Her hands and arms were incased in white gloves that were decorated with diamonds and emeralds. She was sitting at the end of a large wooden table, and upon noticing his entrance, beckoned him to come sit next to him with a simple arm gesture. As he sat next to this magnificent woman, he was paralyzed by her smile.

"Welcome Thoril, I hope you find my home acceptable. It seems your wound has opened up again, that's unfortunate, I thought Alexa had healed it properly. Oh well, time is the more gifted healer than we can every be, wouldn't you agree?"

"I ... yes, I suppose. ... who are are you?"

A small chuckle escaped the lips of the woman as she brushed aside her hair from her eyes.
"Good Thoril, I am the High Priestess of Elune. I am the connection between the elves and our goddess. Without me, Elunism would cease to be practised and the elves spirit would be shattered, but you can call me Pratoria."

"Oh... the elf in my room, Alexa you said, said you wanted to see me. What could one such as you ever want from me?"

"It's quite simple Thoril, I am here to reveal your destiny. You've been searching the past few months for ways to revive your family yes? That is why you saught out the help from the druid Harthgate, and he told you about a particular artifact that could possibly perform such a miracle. Whilst you were gone, Elune herself decided to test the mettle of the Druid, and was pleased to see him pass the tests she set before him. At the same time, we have been digging into your life, your spirit line, and your future. You good Thoril are meant for great things. Yet you were lead here because of sorrow, not for the reasons that are needed to be. Yet Elune is willing to make a barter with you, should you still desire to revive your fallen child and life."

"What sort of barter are we talking about?"

"It's quite simple. Once your time in the mortal plane is finished, your spirit is to be sent to the Gray Havens. There Elune will the ability to revive you at any point in time for whatever uses she has. In short, you are to join the ranks of the heros who have given Elune their spirits to her care once they depart. If this is not to your liking, then your options are either to continue on searching for the artifact you were looking for, or find the elixer that will make you of elven kind. Solve the riddle, and you will be granted one favor of Elune, of which I'm sure you would use it to make your family whole again. The choice is yours Thoril."

Cafundeu

18-02-2008, 03:09

(In a sports TV program, Breno Gavião and his guests, Sílvio Ruiz, Rivaldo Sodré and Ke Sho comment about the World Cup draw)

BRENO - "Hello again to all our viewerrrrrrs. Once again, it's time for Worrrrrld Cup, and in Cafundéu this is a special moment! Now, let's see our grrrrroup:"

Group A
(4) Capitalizt SLANI
(12) Cafundéu
(22) Qazox
(46) Casari

BRENO - "So, Sílvio my frrrrriend, what do you think of this grrrrroup?"

RUIZ - "Average group, I like it. We should go to the second stage, but we can't guarantee nothing. We have good records against all these teams. I expect a good campaign in this group, from six to nine points. I think this can be our chance to reach a stage that we've never reached before, the semifinals."

BRENO - "Let's be patient, Sílvio, we must firrrrrst win the firrrrrst stages in orrrrrder to do so. Now, Rrrrrrivaldo, what about Capitalizt SLANI?"

RIVALDO - "We defeated them in World Cup thirty-seven second round, we know how to beat them. If the players stay focused in the positive result and work well together, I think that we can get the three points in this game. But we need to understand that they players are very good."

BRENO - "Ke Sho, and Qazox?"

KE SHO - "They are a bit unlucky in the group stages, and I guess that it'll be difficult for them to go to the second stages in this cup. Cafundéu has the quality to defeat Qazox and we need to do this if we want to go to the next stage, so I'm sure that the players will do their best."

BRENO - "I rrrrreturrrrrn to you, Rrrrruiz. Casari?"

RUIZ - "Just look at our record against them: two victories. I think that we can repeat the performance. I just ask Braddock to do one think: do not field Neto. He isn't a calm player and can be sent off in a nervous game like this one."

BRENO - "Thanks. That's all."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CARLOS ALBERTO GUJABRE'S PREDICTIONS
For World Cup 39

Capitalizt SLANI's group - Group A
Cafundéu (we need to be confident)
Capitalizt SLANI
Qazox
Casari

Tynelia's group - Group B
Bazalonia
Tynelia
Wentland
Daehanjeiguk

Ariddia's group - Group C
Ariddia
Ad'ihan
Quakmybush
Novapsolu

Zwangzug's group - Group D
Zwangzug
The Holy Empire
Yafor 2
Sorthern Northland

Valanora's group - Group E
Valanora
Bostopia
Kura-Pelland
Northern Bettia

Milchama's group - Group F
Milchama
The Archregimancy
Jeruselem
Vephrall

Az-cz's group - Group G
Az-cz
Demot
Candelaria And Marquez
Starblaydia

Squornshelous's group - Group H
Squornshelous
Bettia
Oliverry
Dance 2 Revolution

Carlos Alberto Gujabre was paid only to predict the group stages.

Casari

18-02-2008, 03:42

"That is a mighty festive hat." Hill said, admiring Danialson's choice of headgear.

"Why, thank you." He replied. "I bought it with the money from my new contract."

"... contract?" Hill said suspiciously. "With who?"

"A team."

"What one? City?" Hill said, referencing the Tyrellia City representative that was crawling around, offering vast sums of money to sign with the defending league champions.

"No, not City."

"Then who? I have ways of finding out, you know."

"... Ranca Toco."

"Who the hell are they?"

"A team, in Cafundéu."

Hill scowled. "You traitorous bastard, you're skipping out on us and going abroad."

"I'm not a traitor." Danialson said flatly.

---

"Traitor, look alive!" Reoni yelled during practice, as Danialson lagged behind during warmups.

"I'm not a traitor, you ass."

"Pfft, you're skipping the country, which makes you a traitor."

"Before I know it you're going to be putting traitor in the damn roster." Danialson said, sighing.

"We tried, it's too late to change it." Hill said, trapping a ball and kicking it his way.

"It's nothing personal, just anyone who leaves the country is a traitor." Hill said.

"Why?"

"It's always been that way, and it always will." Hill said. "Well, unless you reconsider. We could clean up next season at West."

"I thought you didn't want to play for a big club. It was against your convictions."

"Blah blah blah, changed my mind."

"Aye, I'm sure you did." Danialson said, kicking the ball back.

"You're not one to talk, traitor." Hill said back, returning the ball again and streching. "Come on, let's practice already."

Bazalonia

18-02-2008, 04:29

"It's coming on in a few minutes apparently... hurry up."

"Oh, this is exciting I've never seen my-self on TV before... well not proper TV."

"You don't watch the replays?"

"Nope."

"Weird..."

"Oh, here it is it's on."

---------

A TV advert started... The Bazalopes were boarding plane... "So where are you off to this time?" an unseen reporter asks before thrusting one of those microphones infront of Everrett's face. 'BazFM' is seen clearly on the microphone.

"We're off to Bostopia!"

"Why, you don't have a match there."

"No, but there will be a WAR! there."

"But isn't that dangerous?"

"Perhaps, but it's such a great place that it won't matter at alll. We've always got these godmod guides that will get us out unscathed if anything does happen. It's just so awesome even death is worth the risk!"

The video got short to display the BFSA logo and the Bostopian Tourist Board logos. before ending.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/BazB.png
http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/btbnewbazkit.png

---

"You... wanted us to see that?"

"And crap the Bee-Tee-Bee doesn't even have a proper logo. It looks like it was the result off a child's finger painting."

"BFSA, what have you done!"

Qazox

18-02-2008, 05:19

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

WORLD CUP Predictions:

We're notoriously horrible at this, Predicting the Phoenix each of the last 4 times out, We'll save that group for last, and start with the GROUP OF DEATH.

Group E
(2) Valanora
(32) Kura-Pelland
(18) Northern Bettia
(20) Bostopia

The Co-hosts should advacne out of this group, with the other three teams banging their heads together for 2nd. In a mild upset, Kura-Pelland manages to sneak through.

Group B
(7) Tynelia
(15) Wentland
(40) Daehanjeiguk
(21) Bazalonia

Daehanjeiguk's 1st appearance won't last too long as the top 3 in the group is amongst the best in the world. Bazalonia and fellow WC-27 team Tynelia advance in a group where every team will have at least a draw.

Group C
(6) Ariddia
(24) Novapsolu
(31) Ad’ihan
(16) Quakmybush

Ariddia, shouldn't we just automatically put them into the Round of 16? They're there almost everytime. 2nd comes down to the 2 co-hosts of World Cup 37, with Ad'ihan taking the spot.

Group D
(8) Zwangzug
(41) Sorthern Northland
(26) Yafor 2
(17) The Holy Empire

Another Debutant team, in Sorthern Northland, who will finish last in the group. Zwangzug looks vunerable but still should advance along with The Holy Empire.

Group F
(9) Milchama
(34) The Archregimancy
(28) Vephrall
(14) Jeruselem

The GROUP of RELIGION as others are calling it. I see both the Jewish teams advancing, although it won't be easy.

Group G
(1) Az-cz
(57) Starblaydia
(10) Demot
(27) Candelaria And Marquez

Az-cz and whom? A returning Starblaydia? A up-and-coming Candelaria And Marquez? A Demot team that somehow always finds itself here? The Gnomes and Demot.

Group H
(5) Squornshelous
(37) Dance 2 Revolution
(19) Oliverry
(13) Bettia

Squornshelous will advance and Bettia will edge out Oliverry for second. D2R has had a good run, but they are over thier heads here.

And that bring us to Group A
(4) Capitalizt SLANI
(46) Casari
(22) Qazox
(12) Cafundéu

This group could go any of 4 different ways, but when the final whistle blows, Capitalizt SLANI and Cafundeu will advance, and Qazox will have to wait another 4 years to try again

Round of 16 (Winners in Bold)
Capitalizt SLANI-The Holy Empire
Bazalonia-Ad’ihan
Ariddia-Tynelia
Zwangzug-Cafundeu
Valanora-Bettia
Milchama-Demot
Az-cz-Jeruselem
Squornshelous-Kura-Pelland

QuarterFinals
Capitalizt SLANI-Bazalonia
Ariddia-Cafundeu
Valanora-Demot
Az-cz-Squornshelous

SEMIFINALS
Capitalizt SLANI-Ariddia
Valanora-Squornshelous

3rd Place
Capitalizt SLANI-Squornshelous

CHAMPIONSHIP
Ariddia-Valanora

Daehanjeiguk

18-02-2008, 06:15

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

====

軍 - Emperor! We have some interesting news to report.

皇 - I want to hear from Pak Yu first. How did the Bostopians receive our gifts?

外 - I haven't heard a thing about the crickets yet, but I have just gotten this letter from the Academy (of Foreign Affairs). They've just translated it, so this is my first time reading it. By your grace, I can read it for us all.

皇 - Please do.

外 - *clears throat*

"To His Gracious and Imperial Majesty,

I love seafood pizza, so sending to me your pizza made happiness. Until I ate it once. You sent molded pizza. I don't want moldy pizza, and old fruit is in honesty more disorienting and more aromatic than most immigrants from Sorthern Northland.

We have big cars. Can you hear? BIG CARS! Why should you write to the Casarans and ask them what we make from big cars? We are bored right now. Why do you know? Because those bastard Sorthern Northlanders gave holes in the roof of the Landsberg Brewery in Caflin. Some old dictionaries almost tripped on the pots.

In spite of that displeasure, how are you? I'm thin, though I had better taste rotten pizza, which bores me. The concubine and the child are thin, though they're now out traveling east to west, so I'm really anxious that we will need to build more armories. Armories don't do bad, it is simply the fact the concubine likes walk-in armories and I tend to disappear in them.

Have you disappeared in a walk-in armory before? It's not fun business. I grant you, it is better than disappearing in a walk-in ice box and needing the tree bark box that swallows beer like a carpet. But disappearing really gives time to think you. One day, I calculated the method to riding a cheese wheel down a hill except tripping it.

I never had ridden a cheese wheel down a hill, but if I want to, I know how to do it with safe relatives. Perhaps I'll wear a big hat. I believe the most deadly business would be eating the cheese on the way to Hell. In one moment, you're driving a cheese wheel; in the next moment, you're driving your butt to Hell because you have eaten your car.

Your nation qualified for the World Cup, they did not? Mine did so. I have pleasure. We have a gun to make the second round for the third time, which would be good. I believe if we had better take big cars into Valanora? They call it Valanora now I believe, but it was Valanora before I died so I shall start to call it Valanora until I make a big mouth with Valanora.

Turks. You have realized many of them in Bostopia recently? Foreigners stand on ground. We don't want foreigners here often. Therefore, they stand on ground. Our Sel Appan communities are flying now because we gave help to Ad'ihan to execute many of them for striking.

Oh goodness. We know where they live all so if trouble is there, we'll find them. Maybe we'll smack a big car in their front door? Funniness wouldn't be there? They would be snoring and we would be chatting big car and they would be masturbating big car! I think it would be funny.

Therefore, it is a pleasure to write to you.

I cannot recall I write if not to a man then to a woman so I welcome you to if not ignore the last then substitute it for "Your Faithful" and take a note.

Hug and kiss me.

Emperor Boston"

事 - What the hell is a 'big car'? We have big cars too. Not too many though.

皇 - I think they mean 'tanks'. Okay. This is a weird letter from Emperor Boston. How do we reply?

軍 - I think I may have the solution before you!

皇 - I hope it doesn't involve us going to war.

軍 - Absolutely not!

皇 - Okay. What is it?

軍 - Do you remember what you said about getting more intelligence about Sorthern Northland?

皇 - Vaguely. Why are we wondering about it?

軍 - Well anyway, we've gotten word from their Environmental Ministry. Apparently, they have secret nuclear facilities in Sorthern Northland, and they want us to use them.

皇 - What? What? What?

事 - And how does this avoid war?

軍 - According to their 'War Against Bostonia, Top Secret, Contains Intelligence and Strategies for War against the Imperialist Pigdogs' Plan, they have 30 nukes that they want us to use. They feel that us using the nukes would be more effective than them using them. And now that we have the perfect alibi, we can consider a first strike option.

皇 - WAIT A MINUTE! I'm not about to use someone else's nukes just so we don't have to use our own and start a nuclear confrontation. Do we remember that the reason why we're doing this is to avoid a nuclear war, not start one? And besides that, what idiot government would want us to control their nukes?

軍 - Sorthern Northland, apparently. Let us remember that they are a communist country that supports international anarchist terrorists, like those that killed the Bostonian Emperor recently.

皇 - Oh... so is that why they started this whole war thing?

政 - Um, actually, I think it was because Sorthern Northland renamed one of their stadiums after the killers of the Emperor.

皇 - This is getting really confusing.

軍 - Then let us end it!

皇 - Without nukes!

軍 - You have to admit though. If Bostonia ever stops the nuclear strike, who gets the fall? Sorthern Northland? They're a bunch of communist anarchist terrorists! We could do well without them.

皇 - Let's get back to deciphering the letter before we get too trigger happy with someone else's nukes. Pak, from reading this letter, what can you say of the Bostopian intentions?

外 - You really don't want to know that, Majesty.

皇 - Well, enlighten us anyway.

外 - *clears throat again* It seems that the Bostopian people are very militant. The Emperor's concubines each have their own armories, in which the Emperor sometimes disappears. They have big cars. And apparently, the pizza we sent the Emperor was moldy, and he doesn't like moldy pizza. I'm still curious about all of those crickets, because it was surprisingly expensive to get a ton of crickets. Oh, and it seems that the Bostopians are really bored now, despite having dictionaries from Sorthern Northland tripping over their pots.

皇 - What the hell does that mean?

外 - Must be a figure of speech that translated directly into Han. I wouldn't have a clue, but I'd imagine that it means something like Sorthern Northland starting a communist anarchist terrorist revolution in Bostopia.

皇 - Oh my goodness! We should stop the Sorthern Northlanders!

軍 - And I have the perfect solution to that!

皇 - Without nukes!

軍 - Even better! With nukes! We use Sorthern Northland's nukes to attack Bostonia. Then we'll nuke Sorthern Northland for nuking Bostonia. They'll never suspect us!

*cricket chirps*

軍 - Even the cricket agrees!

皇 - I don't know. I just seem so apprehensive about using weapons of mass destruction. Can't we just send a squad of Hwarang agents to beat Sorthern Northland into submission?

軍 - It's too late for that. They've already lost their soap factories.

皇 - Okay. Well, let me think about the nukes. Dammit, I thought I was supposed be getting a call from MBC International right now!!!

*phone rings*

皇 - Yes? ... You're late! I was expecting a call about 30 hours ago! ... Don't give me that, I'm the Emperor! Now, we need to talk about this documentary about a war between the Han Empire and Bostopia... What documentary? The one that's been scaring all of the Bostopians! ... Yes, that documentary! Stop showing it! ... What do you mean it's not a documentary? ... Oh really? ... Oh ... Oh ... Okay ... Uhm ... Yeah. Just stop showing it anyway, because it's making people scared. And ... don't make them so real next time. *hangs up phone*

外 - What was that all about?

皇 - Apparently what they broadcast wasn't a documentary. It was a dramatization.

事 - I told you!

軍 - So what if it's a dramatization? The point still stands that we've got a problem with Bostonia and Sorthern Northland. We need to take action now!

皇 - Alright... here's what we're going to do. I want the Academy to send a seafood pizza chef to Bostopia to make a non-moldy version of seafood pizza along with a letter from me. I'll write it later tonight. I want you *points to Marquis Yi Jongmu* you are going stop thinking about nukes. Everyone else, we'll meet back here tomorrow, and let's hope that we don't get into too much trouble with all that's going on now.

===

IC letter to Emperor Boston

To His Grace, the Emperor of Bostopia:

It is with great regret that you had to suffer the indignity of eating a moldy pizza. To rectify this error, it is my pleasure to send to you a seafood pizza cook to make a fresh seafood pizza for you. I'm also wondering if you liked all of our 62,500 crickets that we sent as good luck to you.

I am sincerely sorry to hear that Sorthern Northland has started a communist anarchist revolution in Bostopia, and I would like to know if there's anything I can do to help resolve this crisis.

I do wish you much luck and I hope that you will enjoy non-moldy seafood pizza.

Emperor Gwangmu
光武帝
http://wiki.galbijim.com/images/2/20/Korea-arms2.gif

===================

MD1: Wentland --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

IC real

A new man walked off the airplane in the UCS. The Imperial Team was already practicing for their first match against Wentland. It was a strange experience for all of them, this their first time in the World Cup. But as this man approached finally arrived at the practice field, the level of strangeness suddenly skyrocketed.

"I am Sifu Lang. I am here to train you children."

"What?" Cha Beomgeun stepped up to him, wondering who invited him. "If you want to have autographs, you'll have to wait until after practice."

"I am here by the order of the Emperor to instill discipline in the Team. They have made many mistakes in the past, and His Imperial Majesty wishes to avoid these mistakes in the future."

"Well... if the Emperor says so, then we'll have a team meeting right now."

With that, Cha blew the whistle and the players gather around the old man. His beard was white and it fell down to his feet. He was dressed in a weird smock, the traditional garb of old folk in the countryside. Just as they wondered this man could teach them, he began to float in the air.

"I am Sifu Lang, and I am here to teach you the art of self-discipline."

"Okay, Sifu Lang. We need to practice football."

"To practice proper football, one must be adept at self-control!"

The man bolted a ray of lightning to the ground and immediately thunderclouds arose in the background as he began to instruct the players. "Self-discipline comes from pain and suffering! Now suffer!"

The man began to fly around in circles, chasing the player with his bolts of lightning from his fingers. Cha Beomgeun shook his head, thinking that this World Cup Tour was on the verge of falling out before it even began. Indeed, no one expected the Han to advance to thee Round of 16, not against the likes of Bazalonia and Tynelia. Still, he hoped that the Han would make a difference and avoid falling out completely. He wanted at least one draw, and their best chance would come against Bazalonia. But at the rate Sifu Lang was torturing the players, they'd never get onto the field.

Sifu Lang suddenly stopped flying around in circles and landed on the ground. Immediately, some of the players lunged forward and tried to knock him out. But of course, Sifu Lang anticipated it all and knocked every each and every player to ground. "You have failed your first test. I shall see to it that you learn this lesson well before you play tomorrow. We will recommence in 30 minutes."

Cha noted to Sifu Lang - "The game's the day after tomorrow."

Sifu Lang nodded and turned to the players saying, "We will recommence in 24 hours and 30 minutes." Then he left, just as mysteriously as when he arrived. Cha Beomgeun shook his head again; it was going to a short, long campaign away from home...

Ariddia

18-02-2008, 12:42

Onto the final stages

The Ariddian Isles’ “B-team”, fielded for a test run against Bostopia in the final day of qualifying, suffered a two-all draw which failed to dampen the overall confidence of the nation. Drawn in Group C for the final stages, the Rouge-et-Noirs say they are ready.

“From this point on, nothing’s easy, but we have what it takes to do well,” team captain Jeremy Isaacs said, in what sounded like a rehearsed, standard response to the situation. On a more personal note, he added: “Performing the ulek in the Sokojito Überdome will be quite something.”

It will not be the first time the Rouge-et-Noirs play in the Unified Capitalizt States. The experience has tended to be an interesting one, in view of the radical differences between the societies of the two countries. The consumerist wealth of the UCS contrasts sharply with the PDSRA’s emphasis on sustainable development, environmentally friendly ethos and aversion to consumerism for both social and ecological reasons.

“I wandered into the shops in Sokojito last time we were here,” Ariddian midfielder Marek Petras said. “So many brands to choose from! In Ariddia, we produce and use only what we need. In the UCS, it’s different. Very different. They just don’t look at the world in the same way. To us, their way of living seems wasteful. Monstrous, in a way. But that’s not the way they see it. And it’s interesting to understand their perspective.”

Defender Simon Brine, the only West Ariddian player among the Rouge-et-Noirs, said the UCS –or at least its major urban centres– was a lot like home. By contrast, striker Jamilah Shahrour, a renowned human rights activist, has said she would make the most of her time in the Unified Capitalizt States to “expose its dark underside to the world”.

UCS-born Ariddian singer Chang Xue has called for mutual understanding. She says the two very different countries may be able to learn from each other. Chang Xue will be singing the national anthems of Ariddia and Quakmybush in the Sokojito Überdome during the Rouge-et-Noirs’ opening game.

The team’s coach, Orthodox monk Fr. Innocent, has made no public comment.

New flag will not be used

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/9268/pdsraflagnewvc2.jpg

The recently unveiled new flag of the People’s Democratic Social Republic of Ariddia will not be used to represent the Rouge-et-Noirs. The Ariddian Football Association has reminded the media that the Rouge-et-Noirs are not solely the team of the PDSRA, but of the Federation of the Ariddian Isles. They will continue to use the more politically neutral federal flag.

Jeruselem

18-02-2008, 13:46

The Red Flag Journal

The Jeruselem-Ariddia Paradox

On the surface, Jeruselem and Ariddia are different countries.
* Jeruselem is still a religious state while most of Ariddia is mainly atheist with small pockets of Jewish and Christians populations as well as native religions
* Jeruselem is a corrupt capitalist state where the economy is dominated by the Jews while government in Ariddia is one driving the economy
* A monarchy of some kind has run Jeruselem since day dot while Ariddia is socialist if not communist state
* Jeruselemites tend to be attention seeking publicity whores while Ariddia prefer a subtle approach

So how on Earth do these two nations manage to co-exist?

Jeruselem is not like many religious nations, it's becoming more secular to it's approach to religion. It will always be a religious state with most of the people living under some sort of religious rules but we aren't dogmatic like some known nations. However, the current government is not shy to use force to keep the status quo for religion. As seen before, extremist Protestants were put down without any kind of mercy. The Knights of Jerusalem put opponents to the sword when needed except we shoot people now.

Ariddia's past isn't quite littered with bodies of religious wars like Jeruselem. In comparison, they don't seem to have quite the same bloody thirsty nature of Jerusemites.

Jeruselem society like it has always been is very unequal. The different between the poorest and richest is huge but then that's the way it's always been around here. Ariddia's system puts the leaders much closer the masses in terms of income and lifestyle.

So how does it come to the fact our Queen is quarter Ariddian (and half-Qazoxian), and our football team is coached by full Ariddian as well as being full of Ariddians, Oliverrians and other Frenchies. This cup, there seem to be a lot of Jews in there too.

Our most famous Ariddians - the Dallas girls are strange lot. They are proper capitalists who don't miss opportunity to score but at the same time, they have been pouring money into "socialist" projects to help the poor. The number of prostitutes on our streets have gone down since Dazza's projects to take them out that place. It's odd, a little girl who live with her Mum on the streets has a daughter sitting on throne of Jeruselem now.

Maybe Jeruselem is becoming kinder, and using some socialist principles from Ariddia while Ariddia is opening up itself a little to outside world. They are many Jeruselemites who hold citizenship in Jeruselem and Ariddia, the most famous being Dazza Dallas.

While Jeruselem isn't socialist and Ariddia is not capitalist (apart from it's capitalist territory), maybe we can live together as these two countries have shown.

I will be cheering for Jeruselem and Ariddia because Jeruselem is my home and Ariddia is my ideal home. Why not have two homes like Dazza Dallas does? Maybe it's good to have more than one home, to provide a broader outlook on life.

Carl Staffrenstock
President of Socialism Jeruselem

Candelaria And Marquez

18-02-2008, 14:03

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>World Cup

Tracker Edwards inspects the groups

Oh dear. Twelve hard-fought matches, and the ones against Gweridijongya, have come to this: a World Cup finals group containing the reigning champions and number one seeds, the team they beat two finals ago and the highest seeds of the second pot, and former champions rapidly on the up.

The chances of Lloyd Donnelly’s Giant Greens were always going to be slim-to-none, but it would not be unfair to say that C&M have been given a bum draw this time around. Expect no six-nil drubbings, but equally we must watch our twenty-three in the Eesseff in a spirit of hope rather than expectation. And is that not the way it should always be? The strange successes of our under-21 teams in recent years, nor even Ross Cooney and his field hockey players, should not prevent us from facing the reality of our predicament. The Candelarias’ finest can only play above themselves for so long, and at this level must accept that we are merely here to make up the numbers.

Given recent encounters between our youth teams, the match between C&M and Starblaydia will be one to savour. Perheira, Chang-hwa, Jabir, Di Angelo, Hinkonnen, Stafador… We know these names well enough, and they will not need reminding of Burgos, Yalçin, Mengucci, Corradini, Cunningham and Edwards after defeats in both the Justantina Cup and the Di Bradini. But by then, the quality of their Atlantian Oceanian contemporaries of Az-cz and Demot will surely have told for both sides.

For we know these other two sides all too well, and know the damage they can do. C&M old-timers such as Benji Fu and O’Sullivan Caras will have suffered nightmares of our barrel-chested friends more than once, mindful of the 17-5 aggregate score that the Az-czzers have racked-up against C&M in four previous matches. And Demot? They’re well on their way too, after those six goals in Parwood two years ago. At least this time the C&M squad will have a little more awareness of the capabilities of their opponents, while Lorenzo De Wilde can be counted upon to deal with his Cheonjin team-mate Insaki Roma… should the striker play, of course. But be they in Longview or Lesperance; Candelariasian fans will be watching the opening two games through their fingers.

Tracker’s Candelariasian Interest Watch

Group A. No CMSC players here, but the fine words of the Qazoxian press will butter no parsnips and we are a better people than to attempt to butter-up the country supplying our RP-inin. Candelariasian support will no doubt go to Cafundéu, especially from Caires City fans without whose Central City-born teenage playmaker their season would have dribbled away to nothing, and Gamboa FC fans in a spirit of solidarity with their much-loved striker Sargento Castelão. Cafundéu should win this group, with the co-hosts second.

Group B. Or here, either, which is all rather distressing. But when you recruit from Hopeless SC and Scotchpinestan, what really do you expect? Han populations in Albrecht and elsewhere will be making plenty of noise, but Tynelia and Bazalonia should get through at the expense of the troubled Wentland team.

Group C. This is a bit more like it, with the Aeropag Olympic Stadium set to host a battle of the full-backs. Recent press reports suggest that Kenneth Quinn will get only cool support from El din, and Ariddia hardly need the cheers of Albrecht FC and Naoki Tonnelier fans to propel into the knock-out stages. The unspeakable fascists of Ulospavon will offer little once more, and Quakmybush, perhaps regrettably, will advance in their stead.

Group D. From Albrecht to… well, Albrecht again. And from Clotaire to Arrigo and El din to Zapata; Zwangzug will be many Candelariasians second team once more. Can Peter Vanderpent put down the kebabs long enough to allow his side the chance to make good on their top-pot ranking? Perhaps, though whatever they achieve they won’t drown out the songs of the Candelariasian-Northandish… And make no mistake; just as C&M can and have disposed of the Yaforites with ease so can Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain and his men. The Holy Empire? Not sure who they are. So no. I think not.

Group E. Green Island and Albrecht Turkish fans may agree on little right now, as they battle it out for the CMSC title, but they will be united behind Scott Soldarian and Roger Zetaback – assuming one doesn’t keep the other out of the side. But they will be alone in the Candelarias, as teams from up and down the country give thanks to their Kura-Pellandi imports. The likes of El din Marbles’ Andy Madden, Turks’ Club’s Stephen Hill and Arrigo Portuguese’s Iain Belling will not be enough however, for Bostopia are a cut above. Northern Bettia don’t deserve to be here, frankly, and nor do their fans. They won’t be, for long.

Group F. Candelaria-Allemali fans could be forgiven for wishing that Gime Thadope and Smakam Downe had never sullied their doorstep, fine players though they are. Jeruselemites bring a circus wherever they go, and not always a welcome one, while the Candelarias’ Jews will find their loyalties split between the Princesses and Milchama. Vephrall will not provide much of a challenge to either though, and the other strange little religious nation are unlikely to progress.

Group H. Unlike their northern counterparts, Bettia will get plenty of support in the Candelarias; not only from Khatib-Gassett’s large community but Albrecht Turkish fans keen to see yet another of their own in first-team action. Samuel Taha will certainly out-score Arrigo Portuguese’s Djabgor Cvecej who’s unlikely to start – but then after Squornshelous’ perfect qualifying campaign who can blame them?

My humble prediction? Squornshelous to be loosing finalists once more, this time against Tynelia, with Demot taking third place from Ariddia.

Candelaria And Marquez

18-02-2008, 14:04

Alassë ran her fingers over the raised tengwar letters on the fountain. It didn’t help. It didn’t correspond to any elfish she knew, which annoyed her greatly. They spoke only the classic tongues in Rethshaar, the DVD commentary had been most particular about that. You’d think that when they’d gone to so much trouble to recreate the shining city here in Longview, they wouldn’t get something as basic as this wrong.

But you couldn’t stay unhappy for long, not when there were sylphs in the sky and compassionate ants (Mr. Jonathan was big on compassionate ants) all around her feet. She was all rather new to this but she’d taken to it like a duck to water, Mr. Jonathan had said. She was pretty sure she’d seen into another dimension at the very least, she got tingly with crystals and her cat had definitely astral visited her last night. Sometimes, when she heard what the others had experienced, she doubted that she was truly on the verge of evolving spiritually to the next stage of her development as Mr. Jonathan said, and she was a tad unclear about all the vibrating, but she was quite sure she was an indigo child. Or a least a cerulean woman, who Mr. Jonathan was quite keen on.

No… This was kid’s stuff, elven languages and whatnot. Months ago, when she’d first discovered Land Beyond Rethshaar: Shrine of the Warp Stone, she would’ve been overjoyed to have had the opportunity to visit the land where it had been filmed. Now that Mr. Jonathan had entered her life all this was a mere passing amusement, but Mr. Jonathan had been quite clear that there was no harm in embracing this sort of fiction, primitive though it was. He’d been ever so supportive once he’d found out she’d won a ticket to go to the World Cup. As long as all these people pretending to be elves and orcs and so forth didn’t distract her from her true journey. Plus, he said, Valanorans were an innately spiritual people anyway, even though many had lost their way in the pursuit of crass commercialism. Many, he’d said, had a therapeutic touch, built energy pyramids like nobody’s business, were big on organic vegetables and very opened minded on the whole nudity thing.

So she’d let herself be charmed by their attempts to charm the tourists, and the city of Longview was just the start. It was Rethshaar down to every tiny detail, bar the signposts. It was heaving with elves and gnomes and druids and dwarfs and heaven knows what else. And lots of people, obviously, which let the side down a bit. Especially the ones who wandered around in Albrecht Turkish replica kits and such like, buying pieces of Rethshaar-themed tat and trying to get the locals to talk about football. Football! That they’d actually seemed so eager to do it was most off-putting, but Alassë had to keep reminding herself that these people were just ordinary men and women like her Candelariasian brethren. The real Valanorans, the ones Mr. Jonathan had talked about, were elsewhere in the country. She was determined to find them… Once she’d bought all the relevant Rethshaar-themed tat, obviously. It may have been a sickening corruption of her newly heartfelt beliefs, but it was still a wonderful film.

Alassë turned sharply as two voices approached. She’d been standing alone on the hills overlooking the city, taking advantage of the nudity laws. Without really being sure why, she dipped behind the fountain.

“…ably optimistic, even for you,” one of the voices muttered irritably. “How could it be worse, exactly? They’re playing gnomes. Again. After all the trouble we went to over there and back home and we play them again. It’s bad enough keeping the tourists in the agreed district as it is, never mind when several more thousand Candelariasian and Az-czzer fans start arriving. We can’t bloody tell them they’ve got endemic non-neurologigologility doobry-oobry sufferers over here as well…”

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve already told them the few they might see here were extras and actors and whatnot. I was so sure they’d be placed in the Capitalizt states… And now they’re going to come into contact with thousands of the buggers, all in Az-cz kits. If they’re wearing anything at all,” the first voice added darkly. “They might even recognise some of them…”

“I thought all these gnomes look the same, Lyndon.”

“Oh, don’t throw that back at me again… I’m just saying, that’s all. We’ve spent more rupees than I care to think about bribing the local elves to… you know, pretend to be elves, and putting a bloody hobbit on every street corner, without a bunch of gnomes coming over here stubbornly not pretending to be gnomes… It’s a fix, Dan, it is. They’re all trying to get at us…”

“I’m sure they’ve got more things to think about than annoying little old us, Lyndon. Besides, you saw the draw. It was perfectly fair.”

“Hot balls, Dan…”

“Why, thank you sir.”

“Look, I could cope with it if it was just the gnomes but it’s druids as well… And then, and then they go and give us Starblaydia. More bloody dwarves.”

“That should be the title of your autobiography, sir. There’s only one dwarf. And he probably won’t even play.”

“What about the ones among the travelling Starblaydi fans, though?”

“Then the CGI guys will edit out the axes. And the beards and tankards and so forth if necessary. Think of it as a challenge, Lyndon. If we can get past this with no-one noticing, we can do anything. Please don’t fret. I’ll talk to the local officials, if I have to. I’m sure they’ll listen to the, y’know, ears.”

“Even that blasted Rosemary woman?”

“A fine figure of an elf, Rosemary Angelotic.”

“She sent me a rather snotty e-mail, I must say. Or one of her minions, at any rate. Oh, and, in the highly unlikely event Donnelly somehow manages to get this shower through to the second round, mark my words… Monks from an alternate dimension.”

“Lyndon… There’s no way they’re going to play more than two competitive games. Not when it’s Az-cz and Demot. Not when we’ve got them playing in green. And look, really, I’ve got several hundred years’ experience in dealing with elves. We’ll be fine. Just… try and enjoy the football. The weather. The colours. The Han girl on the Starblaydi team with the massive buh’do-oi-oi-oings… Just relax, you’l…”

“’l?”

“I thought I could hear something…”

Alassë gulped and stepped out from behind the fountain. “Hello,” she offered nervously.

“Wotcha. Um. Sorry, um, we, um, didn’t mean to encroach upon your… uh… blatancy… Miss?”

“Alassë Léralondë.”

“Really?” the first voice that now belonged to a dark-skinned, suited gentleman asked. “Sorry, I, uh…” He surveyed her forty-three-year-old body with concern. “I, um, didn’t think you looked especially elflike, but um… I suppose you come in all… shapes, and sizes.” He gave a despairing glance at his colleague, who shrugged back.

Alassë blushed. “No, I’m not one of the actors… It’s, er, Sarah. Sarah Pickering. I won tickets? Are you Candelariasian? I think I might recognise you off of the telly?”

“Yes. Hello Sarah. Lyndon Hernández, Ministry for Sport. Look, not that I want to impinge upon your enjoyment of this great event or anything, but I really think you should be with the rest of the travelling party. Or at least with one of the, a-ha, ‘hobbits’. It’s not safe for a… young lady to be out on her own in a foreign land…”

“No. I suppose not. I just wanted to see more of the country.”

“The country’s certainly seen more of you, Sarah.”

Sarah blushed. “It’s good for one’s chakra, though.”

“I don’t doubt it, Sarah. Now, would you like us to accompianimininimy you back to the hotel, or…?”

“I can make my own way, thank you, Mr. Hernández.”

“Alright. Take care.”

The pair wandered off. “Good for one’s chakra,” she heard Hernández mutter when they thought she was out of earshot. “One of Jonathan’s lot, no doubt… God, there’s a sight that’s going to be ingrained in my eyelids for the rest of the trip.”

Alassë bit her lip. She hadn’t understood any of the last few minutes, but Mr. Jonathan wouldn’t scold her for that. They were government, after all. They talked nothing but lies.

“Psssst!”

She spun around as rapidly as she could manage, pendulemic breasts flying in the wind. An elf – no, she corrected herself, an actor dressed as an elf in order to exploit people who thought that Rethshaar was the height of spiritual thingy – loomed over her. His serious, though slightly cross-eyed, expression unnerved her for a moment, but the truth soon hit her. Clearly, this man was here to involve her in one of those interactive adventure thingies they did here. She adopted a solemn face of her own.

“Greetings, my lord. I am honoured that you have deemed me worthy of conversation. My name is Alassë Léralondë.”

“Oh? I’m Tony. And if I were you, luv, I’d eff off outta here an’ get on the first plane home. ‘Cos the way I’m looking at it, you’re in the shit an’ sinking fast.”

Sarah frowned. “I most humbly beg your pardon, sir, for this lowly human canst comprehend your import.”

“Uh? Oh…” Tony sighed. “Take heed, fair… maiden, probably, for thou art in the gravest of peril! Malevolent evil raps upon your door, and I fear the housekeeper of your fair heart will him let in. Run, my lady! Run from this realm and never look back, forsooth!”

Sarah beamed. That was a bit more like it. “I will heed your words, O wise one!”

“Good-o. You might want to put a vest on first, though. Just a thought…”

Adihan

18-02-2008, 16:21

Three Sel Appans to face trial, remaining deported

Ad'ihan has deported 16,381 Sel Appans from its territory following the worst football-related violence in the country's history. Following the controversial qualifying match between Ad'ihan and Sel Appa, all the Sel Appan fans inside the stadium rioted, killing 54 and injuring hundreds more.

Protectorate Stadium was damaged and is not expected to be repaired in time for the new league season, leading joint-owners Protectorate United and Olympique Protectorat, who along with the AFF co-own the stadium, to announce that they were considering suing the Sel Appan football authorities for a loss of income as they will have to play matches at a smaller stadium while the stadium is renovated due to damage.

Three Sel Appans have been remanded in custody after investigations revealed they were behind the riots. All three are expected to be charged with incitement of violence and mass rioting, both of which carry the death penalty. Sel Appa is expected to appeal for a repatriation with a guarantee of a prosecution, but Prime Minister Alex Canning has flatly ruled this out.

"In the name of goodwill we have already released all but three of the Sel Appan supporters. We have also, at our own cost, flown the Sel Appan football team – held in Ad'ihan – directly out to the Cup of Harmony. There is no way Sel Appa will be getting their three perpetrators back."

The three men's defence teams are asking for a maximum sentence of 20 years so they can eventually return to their homelands, although the prosecution is pressing for life without parole for two and the death penalty for the other, the ultimate instigator of the violence.

This has severely detracted fans from the fact that the World Cup proper's about to begin, and that Ad'ihan have been drawn into Group C alongside world powerhouses Ariddia, a well-ranked Quakmybush team on the quiet slide, and World Cup 37 cohosts Novapsolu.

Most papers, indeed, have the World Cup draw as a sidebox to the main story of the Sel Appans, now popularly known as Selgate, even though it actually wasn't a scandal.

Surprisingly, most foreign media have backed Ad'ihan – fourth seeds in the group – to claim the second last-16 spot behind Ariddia, a fact that has unsurprisingly gone unnoticed in the local press. Most local predictions are for a third-placed finish in the group, ahead of Quakmybush but behind Novapsolu and Ariddia.

Elves Security Forces

18-02-2008, 17:43

Valanora Express
Let the Mighty Dragon Roar

Following the group draw in Manhattan Prime of the UCS, those inside Valanora are very optimistic about the sides chances of having a perfect record entering the knockout stages of the tournament. Yet based on the projections from many nations media, the squad would then face one of their toughest challangers, the high-octane Aroras of the Blessed Realm of Bettia. Unlike their northern neighbors, whose fans have been denied entry into the country at due to their unwillingness to follow proper safety guidelines, the Marauders do not fare well against the would be oppenents. What proves even more daunting is the fact that there is a high likelyhood that if they were to progress past the Bettia threat, that they would face defending champions and number one team in the world, Az-cz, in the quarterfinals. While we're not accusing anyone of any foul play, it does seem that our half of the bracket is quite a bit more difficult to escape out of than our fellow hosts. But before we concern ourselves too much with who we*might* be playing in the knockouts, let us take a look at who we will *be* playing in the group stage.

Group E
(2) Valanora
(32) Kura-Pelland
(18) Northern Bettia
(20) Bostopia

The group itself shouldn't post too much of a trouble for the squad to move out of with relative ease. Without their rowdy supporters to encourage their antics, the Fire Ants of Northern Bettia should continue to struggle this tournament. Bostopia is finally catching up with the rest of the class of '29, and I see them as the biggest threat to the Marauders' chances of going 3-0-0. That said, I think our expierence is enough to squeeze us by the Bostopia side, though I do see them following us along into the knockout phase of the competition. Kura-Pelland is going to be good, eventually, but this is not their tournament to make any noise, though a victory over the Fire Ants may be in the making. That's how our group stacks up, and should make for a memorial few days down in Capri for the Marauder faithful, but let us now look at the rest of the groups, starting with who else shall be playing their matches here in the ESF.

Group F
(9) Milchama
(34) The Archregimancy
(28) Vephrall
(14) Jeruselem

A bunch of religious weirdos and then the Vephrese, who might just cause a stir or two. It's good to see the Monks back at the World Cup Proper, but they have been gone for soo long that they might of forgotten how to get it done at this stage. Also being sourrounded by tons of heathens without souls is sure to ruffle a few of their feathers. My shock pick is the Vephrall squad winning the group with Jeruselem coming in second, leaving the Jews of Milchama wondering what the heck just happened.

Group G
(1) Az-cz
(57) Starblaydia
(10) Demot
(27) Candelaria And Marquez

At face value, this should be an easy group to call, as the defending champions and Demot are heads and tales above their two competitors when it comes to pure skill. Yet the Cadelaria group is one that just has that knack for pulling rabbits out its hat, and the Starblaydii have the history of creating history. Yet when all is said and done, it will be the two top seeds breathing a sigh of relief as they take their message onward.

Group H
(5) Squornshelous
(37) Dance 2 Revolution
(19) Oliverry
(13) Bettia

With the government of Oliverry on the brink of collapse, this group has to be by far the easiest one to call. The attacking dynamite of the Squornos and the Aroras will pulverize their two other group mates and it wont even be close. See both of them on seven points when the matchdays are through, with the Squornshelous side taking the group thanks to the tiebreakers.

Group A
(4) Capitalizt SLANI
(46) Casari
(22) Qazox
(12) Cafundéu

So, despite the weaker bracket, our cohosts do have a tougher group to traverse to be fair. The monopolists of Cafundeu are always a side to be reckoned with, don't let our friendly before the qualifiers make you think any different. Casari have a title, are just crazy enogh, and lucky enough to make life hectic. And well the Qazox, they're heathens, what else do I have to say? Cafundeu wins the group, SLANI second, and Casari at third with four points.

Group B
(7) Tynelia
(15) Wentland
(40) Daehanjeiguk
(21) Bazalonia

The Han sure are going to be wishing they ended up at the CoH, as they are bound to take a few licks coming into this group. Granted, Tynelia is probably the weakest first seed I've seen, but with Wentland and Bazalonia to contend with, this is just not the Han's time to shine in the eternal sun. Bazalonia makes a surprise appearance in the round of sixteen, joined by the Tynelia side.

Group C
(6) Ariddia
(24) Novapsolu
(31) Ad’ihan
(16) Quakmybush

Quakmybush is fading memory, while Ad'ihan and Novapsolu don't have the home advantage to boost their attempts any more. So what does that mean for the group? Ariddia wins in an exclamatory fashion, while Ad'ihan slips in despite the thrashing they will recieve by the group winners.

Group D
(8) Zwangzug
(41) Sorthern Northland
(26) Yafor 2
(17) The Holy Empire

I've got to say, if it wasn't for the records, I'd never know that Zwangzug was an elite side. They continue to be a quiet force that makes it through the qualifiers without much incidance. Them and a resurgant Holy Empire will white wash the rest of the group, though I do advise people to be wary of ther Sortherns, they seem a little off their rockers lately.

Schedule
MD1: Valanora vs Bostopia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
MD2: Valanora vs Kura-Pelland @ Hatire Memorial, Capri
MD3: Valanora vs Northern Bettia @ Hatire Memorial, Capri

Article by Luna Santapa

Kura-Pelland

18-02-2008, 19:26

A teenage girl was sitting on a street corner in a shopping district of outer Trilan, strumming a guitar. Singing along to a song from RL that's become rather popular in Kura-Pelland lately. Her crystalline voice comes to life in the chorus.

And though they say it's possible to me
I don't see how it's probable...

And then she changes the lyrics.

I see the group we're in
Full of teams better than
What we'll ever be
We ain't got a chance oh no
We ain't got a chance oh no...

A second verse, the chorus with the same lyrical change, then an interesting refrain...

We're not alright...
We're not alright...

And on it goes, until eventually reaching a moderately high note and fading into the final chorus.

This teenager had summed up the mood. Nobody realistic in Kura-Pelland has the last sixteen even on the agenda, yet much of the foreign media does. Qazox media outlet QSPN thinks Group E is the Group of Death, but thinks the Kura-Pellandis will join Valanora in the last sixteen.

'We're not good enough, and we might never be good enough,' said one fan. 'Our time is next time or the time after, Fiero will be world-class then and we've got other young talent too,' mused another. Very few predicted a last-sixteen berth, but many thought it at least possible. One, referring to the Qazox report, said 'we're not going to get through like they think, but we are a big reason why this is a Group of Death. We won't get through it, but we're a danger, and we may decide who does - I think we'll get a result against Northern Bettia or Bostopia to take them out with us.'

----------

Daily Kangaroo WC39 predictions
Group A: Capitalizt SLANI to outplay their rivals if they can, or outbribe them in the unlikely event they can't. Cafundéu will rival them on both fronts and will be second. Casari's time is not now, but they are rising stars again. What do Qazox have to do to make the last sixteen?

Group B: This is probably the most competitive group - Tynelia the most vulnerable top seeds, Bazalonia strong third seeds, Wentland weak-ish second seeds with great talent but too much internecine rivalry in the team, Daehanjeiguk a fast-rising team with one of the world's largest RP-inin supplies. Predicting a major upset here, as Tynelia fall to Wentland and Bazalonia. Daehanjeiguk may even send the top seeds to the bottom of the group.

Group C: Ariddia will go through, that goes without saying. Quakmybush will probably join them without really deserving it; Ad'ihan are being hotly tipped, and possibly not without reason, but they'll need to exploit their RP-inin advantage.

Group D: Zwangzug have made two semi-finals in the last three Cups. The road to three from four starts here, and The Holy Empire won't have any trouble joining them. Sorthern Northland to send the Yaforites to the basement.

Group E: Well, obviously Valanora will go through. It's not a given that we won't, but realistically Bostopia will utilise their RP-inin and fair play advantages over Northern Bettia and their talent advantage over us and go through. Whether we can catch out the Fire Ants depends upon who's refereeing.

Group F: The so-called 'group of religion' is almost as wide open as Group B. Perhaps even more so. Again the fourth seeds have plentiful RP-inin supplies, the top seeds are the weakest of the lot - to the point of not even being able to top our group - while neighbours Vephrall are on fire. Form is temporary, class is permanent - Milchama and Jeruselem to go through.

Group G: All this needs to become a Group of Death is a better fourth seed. Or for Starblaydia to fast-forward a World Cup or two; this is too soon in their rebuilding process. Az-cz had an almighty scare this time last Cup, which nobody else remembers it seems, and we're going to predict the mother and father of all upsets - it's going to happen again, and Candelaria And Marquez will join Demot in the last sixteen.

Group H: Dance 2 Revolution aren't quite good enough yet to mix it in this, but it is really the Group of Death - the strongest third seeds in Oliverry and two awesome attacking forces above them. Expect audience figures almost 10% higher than for any other group, and for Oliverry to edge out Bettia for second behind Squornshelous, probably with the help of the revolutionary dancers exploiting Bettia's naivety in defence.

As for the whole thing, it'll be a SLANI-Valanora final that will trigger controversy worldwide, and SLANI will win it. Zwangzug will take third and be treated as unofficial champions in many socialist nations, beating Squornshelous in the third-place playoff.

Vephrall

18-02-2008, 20:18

from the international edition of the Meice Journal

With the Vephrall national football team having been drawn into the so-called "Group of Religion" with Milchama, Jeruselem, and the Archregimancy, we at the Meice Journal think the rest of the world should know a little more about Vephrese religious beliefs. Therefore, we present:

A closer look at religion in Vephrall

According to the 1750 census, about 35% of Vephrall's population is atheist. An additional 15 to 20% are followers of various widespread religions, including Judaism and Christianity among others. But roughly half of the population continues to worship the traditional Vephrese gods.

The three gods, or Vephrannet, have remained mostly the same for millenia. Most of the major ancient tribes of southern Vircais worshiped these three gods, though they called them by different names.

The three Vephrannet are:
Waeffero, the god of creation
Stanaccy, the god of order
Fos, the god of destruction

Sometimes Stanaccy is seen as the "leader" of the three gods, with Waeffero and Fos merely implementing his will by maintaining order through creation and destruction.

There is no inherent concept of good and evil or right and wrong in the core beliefs of Vephrese religion, though social standards are generally similar to those of other civilized nations.

Bostopia

18-02-2008, 20:37

Emperor Boston finished reading the letter, looking up to find a large Han man with a knife walking to the room carrying a pizza.

“Ah, you would be the cook?”

“Yes. It is a great honour for me to cook for the Emperor of Bostonia.”

“Bostonia? Right. Well, thanks.”

He looked at the pizza, and was about to pick it up when the cook stepped in, cutting the pizza into slices, and almost adding the Emperor's fingertips as a garnish. The Emperor picked up a slice, and bit into it.

“HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!”

“You don't like it?”

“It's gorgeous! Wow!”

The chef looked pleased, then walked out of the room, as the Emperor began writing back.

“Dear Mr. Emperor sir.
Ta much for the chef, fresh seafood pizza was much appreciated. As for the crickets, they were also appreciated, and donated to a local soup kitchen for the homeless. Perhaps it will give them some luck getting a home and a job!

I am however concerned that you said Sorthern Northland has started a communist anarchic revolution. We know nothing of this. I will be sending – no darling, I'm busy writing to the Hans, I'll come see to you in a few moments. Now look what you made me write!

Anyway, I will be sending my best troops around the country to figure out what's going on and to generally go about shooting up people who look suspicious. Speaking of suspicious, a road cone has just appeared on my balcony. How odd. Perhaps a bird dropped it there while carrying fish in it instead of using a shopping basket. Hang on a minute. The road cone is red! I'll be back soon.

OWW MY FOOT! I picked up the cone and punted it over the balcony but I kicked the bottom bit in my bare feet and now my metatarsals hurt! Oh no! The road cone has landed on my wife's car! I'll hide!

I'm hiding in the walk-in wardrobe. Perhaps I'll get stuck again. I don't recognise this wardrobe. This isn't good. Do you think the people who find my skeleton will send you this letter? I hope so. Perhaps you're reading this ten years into the future. Perhaps my skeleton hand is still attached to the paper. That would be scary. If it is, make it wave hello. I'm sure I'd wave hello if I saw you.

I had better stop writing and find my way out. If you get this letter within a few days, please do write back.

I hope you did not take my hugs and kisses, as I have my masculinitAHH A WASP! HELP! HELP! THERE'S A WASP! HELP HELP HELP HELP WASP WASP WASP WASP!”

“Dear Mr. Emperor sir.
This is the Empress, just like letting you know that like we found the Emperor about two hours after he finished his letter, and like, he was so totally passed out because of that wasp. But there's nothing to worry about, so like, don't.

P.S. Really don't expect to hear off him for a short while, I'm getting super bad revenge on him for kicking that road cone onto my car, and like, he can't move that much now. Lots of love! Bye! xxx”

Alasdair I Frosticus

18-02-2008, 21:18

ON QUALIFYING FOR THE WORLD CUP

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

THE unpurged images of day recede;
The Emperor's drunken soldiery are abed;
Night resonance recedes, night walkers' song
After great cathedral gong;
A starlit or a moonlit dome disdains
All that man is,
All mere complexities,
The fury and the mire of human veins.

Before me floats an image, man or Shade,
Shade more than man, more image than a shade;
For Hades' bobbin bound in mummy-cloth
May unwind the winding path;
A mouth that has no moisture and no breath
Breathless mouths may summon;
I hail the Imperial Team;
I call them prepared to advance to the second round.

Zwangzug, Yafor 2 or Sorthern Nothland,
A group more mundane than miraculous handiwork,
Planted on the flood-lit Capitalizt ground,
Can like the teams of World Cups past go forth,
Or, by a loss embittered, scorn aloud
In glory of changeless anguish
Common team or squad
And all complexities of mud and blood.

At midnight on the Emperor's pavement flit
Flames that no faggot feeds, nor steel has lit,
Nor storm disturbs, flames begotten of flame,
Where blood-begotten spirits come
And all complexities of fury leave,
Dying into a dance,
An agony of trance,
An agony of flame that cannot singe a sleeve.

Astraddle on the dolphin's mire and blood,
Spirit after Spirit! The smithies break the flood.
The golden smithies of the Emperor!
Marbles of the dancing floor
Break bitter furies of complexity,
Those images that yet
Fresh images beget,
Our Imperial hopes, our qualification-tormented dreams.

The Archregimancy

18-02-2008, 21:41

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE I

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: The World Cup Draw

Fellow nations: we rejoice that the Lord our God has seen fit to permit our team of monastic Orthodox footballers to return to the World Cup after two consecutive abject failures that were followed by two equally abject failures in the Cup of Harmony. Though our souls have been much strengthened by this recent history of suffering, we are human enough to admit that such is the feeling of joy in our hearts at finally returning to the World Cup that the Holy Synod has ordered spontaneous liturgies of thanksgiving to he held at precisely 1:10pm (Byzantine time) in every sporting monastery of the Archregimancy this evening.

Much attention has been paid in foreign media outlets as to the supposedly religious nature of our group. Specifically, that we face two teams of Jews, and a nation that appears to worship a trio of heathen gods consisting of a waffle, a woman called Stacey, and a leather jacket wearing 'icon' of cool known as the Fonz - though since our ability to translate Vephrese is still somewhat shaky, we concede that we might have misunderstood something here.

We shall not pass judgement on these teams of Jews and heathens except to to note that the Milchamans have foresworn the Lord of Hosts in favour of sacrificing rubber chickens to a graven idol in direct contravention of both of the first Two of the Ten Commandments, while the Jeruselem team seem to struggle mightily with Commandment Seven. The Heathen Vephrese, with their waffles, Stacey, and Fonz, are so far beyond the hope of redemption, that we see little need to comment further.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE II

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: The Tynelian Orthodox Church

Regarding: The Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy

Dear Brother Theodore,

We rejoice at being given this opportunity to write to our Orthodox Brethren in Tynelia, and we apologise for not responding earlier to your comments regarding the heretical Othydoxic 'Church'.

It is our understanding that this small sect, which is rumoured to practice incestuous - or at least trans-gendered - perversions has been unable to spread beyond the borders of Tynelia. Like many heresies, it may flower briefly under the influence of Satan, but it is bound to wither away, just as Marcionists, Donatists, Valentinianists, Bogomils, Manicheans and assorted other heresies have done in the past.

While by all means feel free to denounce these heretics by pointing out the flaws in their theology, we see little reason to waste too much time on an organisation that shall soon vanish as completely as the Marcosians against whom St. Irenaeus wrote - perhaps fortify yourselves by reading his 'Against Heresies' if you find your confidence wavering in coming weeks.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Sorthern Northland

18-02-2008, 22:58

Dear Diary,

We had another meeting today. The Minister of Finance was there, John Jordan. He was supposed to buy the oxygen tanks. The room is two kilometres underground, in what appears to be a huge walk in wardrobe, so the oxygen tanks are vital. That idiot Jordan thought thought he was Minister of Fiancées though so didn't get the tanks. Minister of Fiancées? Why hell would we have one of them? Luckily though Roy, my bodyguard had thought ahead and ordered some just in case.

Minister of Foreign Affairs Ruby Bosto was there as well, as was Agent Smith. He just kept talking in code. Said the donkeys fly low over Fucking Brilliant. Mr X, the head of the Secret Service told me that means the ninja donkeys have landed in Fort Boston. For some reason he sent a crack team of ninja donkeys over to Bostopia to spy on the place. They know martial arts and can shag anything that moves as well as roll around in shit. They may win the war for us.

That idiot Trigger was there as well. Got rid of him eventually though when we realised that spies had come into the wardrobe. It appeared to be a woman and a man. The man had fainted and was holding a letter in his hand. Trigger chased them away with his broom but he got stung by a wasp. He's allergic to wasps so he had to go to hospital.

We had the Supreme General of the Armed Forces there as well. Kim Jong-Ilgo is his name. Can't speak any English, Irish or Northlandish so we had to wait half an hour for a translator.

Anyway got a lot of ideas of what to do written down. The ones in Korean were written down by Kim. Jong, the translators written what they mean in English down. I hope he's got it right.

1. 나귀를 폭발성 남근 모양으로 만든 성구에 채우고 위로 불십시요. (Make dodos fly over Bostopia and poo on people.)
2. Send our fiancée over there to marry Bostopians and make home videos to prove they are not human over there.
2a. Sell the videos in Jeruselem, use profits to improve healthcare.
3. 나락에 그들을 모두 불십시요. (Fill rockets with heels from shoes and blow them up over Fo rt Boston.
4. Send rockets filled with red road cones to Bostopia.
5. Try to assassinate Emperor Boston by sending him a poisoned seafood pizza. Note don't make it mouldy.
6. Pack explosives into Rugballs.
7. 나귀 쉬에 나라를 범람하십시요. (Blow up any dams in the country, thereby flooding it.)
8. Sweep them to death. (That was Triggers idea.)

Well don't know if any of them will work but it's worth a try.

Jimmy Sheridan.

Elves Security Forces

19-02-2008, 03:50

UCS Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13463659#post13463659)

Valanora Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13463662#post13463662)

Daehanjeiguk

19-02-2008, 03:52

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

====

皇 - So, what's new from Bostopia?

外 - Well, the Emperor likes the pizza.

皇 - What about the crickets?

外 - Uhm... yeah. About those crickets.

皇 - What about them?

外 - Apparently, the Emperor gave them to homeless shelters.

皇 - Oh how nice of him. Spread the good luck to his people. What did they do with them?

外 - Uhm... yeah. They made it into soup.

皇 - Soup? Let me read that letter! *reads letter* ZOMFG! THEY MADE CRICKET SOUP! ZOMFG! ZOMFG!

事 - What's the Emperor saying now?

皇 - This travesty cannot be allowed to pass! Call up the military! Send the nukes!

軍 - We can't sire.

皇 - Why not? You were so anxious to use Sorthern Northland's nukes before. Why not now?

軍 - Because we already used them.

皇 - What? When? Where?

軍 - Tutustan.

皇 - What? What? What?

軍 - Tutustan.

皇 - ZOMFG! Why on earth would you waste such fine nukes on Tutustan?

軍 - Well, I don't even know if the Sorthern Northlanders even used the nukes yet. I tried to pose as the late President Ben O'Bagels, except when I got on the line to launch the nukes, I was talking to Ben O'Bagels. I have heard nonetheless that Tutustan has been eradicated.

皇 - That still begs the question? Why nuke Tutustan? I've never even heard about Tutustan.

外 - There was a recent survey that said a recent law in Tutustan changed the proportion of homosexual men in their country from 50% to 100%. There was an imminent threat to our Imperial security that if these homosexuals were to be let out of their country, they would spread the plague to our country, and then we would all be homosexuals.

皇 - What's wrong homosexualism?

外 - Oh nothing really. Besides some religious groups outlawing it, the problem is that if all males are homosexual, then we have a problem trying to propogate our country's youth. Because women can't do it alone.

皇 - What about in vitro procedures?

事 - Too risky. If all the homosexual men willingly donated samples, it might end up somewhere else. Besides that, all of our doctors are male. We'd have problems getting a real donation to the female population. Effectively, we'd have to trust on the female population, but I don't think that the Empire is ready for that.

皇 - Okay, so anyway, we've nuked Tutustan now...

軍 - Actually Sorthern Northland did.

皇 - Whatever. We now don't have any nukes to exact revenge upon Bostopia for cooking our crickets. Our lucky crickets. What do we do now?

*cricket chirps*

軍 - That's just plain brilliant!

皇 - What?

軍 - We'll send in our bombers full of crickets upon their cities.

皇 - But they'll cook them up in a soup and eat them.

軍 - We'll give them our unlucky crickets.

事 - Is there such a thing?

*cricket chirps*

Apparently so. The cricket agrees.

軍 - We'll drop our unlucky crickets all over their cities and swarm them with so many bugs that they'd all have to eat them in order to get to their tanks!

皇 - That sounds so crazy. It just might work. But how would we get bombers to fly to Bostopia without getting them shot down?

*cricket chirps*

軍 - Brilliant! We'll use Sorthern Northland's bombers!

政 - They still have them? I've heard that they've had to resort to selling pornography in order to finance their army, so how can they afford good bombers?

軍 - I don't know, but they still have bombers. Apparently, they recently bombed Bostopia with a bunch of red traffic cones...

皇 - Oh, so that explains the traffic cone.

事 - What explains what?

皇 - I was reading Emperor Boston's letter, and it said that he had kicked a red traffic cone off his balcony, and made a dent in his wife's car...

事 - He was married?

皇 - ...so he hid in the armory and got stung by a wasp.

軍 - Hmm. One of our Hwarang agents in Sorthern Northland told me about an incident at the meeting. Apparently, the Environmental Adviser had to kick out a Bostopian spy because he had stumbled into their wardrobe, except he was holding a letter when he got stung by a wasp.

皇 - That's not the same thing. This was an armory; that was a wardrobe. How can you people confuse such a thing? Anyway, I like the plan. We'll send Sorthern Northland a bunch of unlucky crickets and have them drop the load all over Bostopia. Only, we'll be careful that this information doesn't leak out. They'll pay yet for eating our crickets! Our lucky crickets!

===================

MD1: Wentland --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

IC real

Sifu Lang got up early in the morning and shouted all of the rest of the night. The players couldn't get any sleep, not even Cha Beomgeun, who slept in the only sound-proof room that was available at the time, could get a good rest. The result was that everyone was so groggy in the morning that when Sifu Lang burned the eggs, everyone got antsy.

"Can't you do anything right?"

"Self-discipline, my young one. You shall never accomplish anything while you are so pathetic."

"Pathetic? I'll show you pathetic!"

Instead of showing Sifu Lang pathetic, the player was crammed into the cooking pot and his face burned. After about 2 minutes on the stove, Sifu Lang took back the player and said, "Sit down and wait while I finish these eggs!"

Surprisingly, the player wasn't too badly burned, but it still hurt alot. And Sifu Lang continued to burn the eggs. Not a moment too soon, the fire alarms in the hotel rang off - likely due to Sifu Lang's strange tactics. Once they got out of the hotel, Cha Beomgeun confronted Sifu Lang. "What the hell are you trying to do, get us evicted from the hotel before we've actually started playing? You've got to get some reason into your head!"

"I am perfectly fine. I think your players need to practice better patience though. Because the world is a difficult place and they must acknowledge it."

"Your ways are too vague that no one would get the point even if you told them!"

"I am perfectly fine. I think your players need to practice better restraint, because they're now going to a bar to drink."

"What?!?" Cha Beomgeun began chasing his players, shouting "We've got to practice for the match tomorrow!"

Jeruselem

19-02-2008, 04:41

Jeruselem Goverment News

Jewbee teams put on a goalfest but Princesses lose

In the big game of Group F, Jeruselem took on Milchama. Both teams had significant Jewish support due to their large Jewish populations. For match day 1, both teams outscored most teams on all the other games.

The crowd was mostly Jewish along with the usual contingent of Dazza Dallas look-alikes that follow the Princesses. Sometimes, when these big games happen it's a disappointment with both teams not playing to potential. Not this game, the crowd got their money and more back!

Milchama beat Jeruselem 5-3 as both sides attacked. There wasn't any messing around as both teams took on a System Takil attitude. While good natured, the game was far from tame. Both sides launching attacks and counter attacks. The referee was keep busy as defenses were throwing around tackles to keep the opposition out.

The Princesses lost but not in the wimpy, Frenchie way. The game resembled a sea battle with both navies firing broadsides all day in a cloud of dark gunpowder smoke. No pretense of defense in this game.

The other game in Group F was meek, with Veprall drawing with Monks 1 ALL. Not much scoring firepower was seen here as the Monks should have won this but Veprall held firm.

This means Jeruselem is last in Group F but Monks face getting blasted by Milchama and Veprall face a team who scores the second highest goal count on match day 1 losing to a team who scored 5.

Ariddia pushed aside Quakmybush 3-1 in Group C and they look good to make the next stage with ease. We think 3-0 record Jane's old team.

The other Frenchies Oliverry, stopped the dancing destroying Dance 2 Revolution 3-0. No surrender here for the moment.

Bostopia went crashing down to Valanora 2-0 and Kelly's team are in trouble like Jeruselem. At least we scored goals.

Queen Skate's Qazox didn't have much luck either losing to Casari 1-0 to continue their miserable run in the group stages.

Jane Sanderson spoke JGN
"This is a hard sort of game. Once teams start scoring goals freely, it's hard to slow it down. If you slow down, they just score more goals and if you try to speed up, you burn out. Milchama and Jeruselem don't just around a wait for the opposition. If you get a team which plays 3-3-4 vs a 4-3-3 team, there is no way both will just defend. All it is not lost, if we score 3 goals next game I'm sure we can make it since the team will be motivated for the game against the Monks. I think we can get two wins in a row."

A Jewish leader said
"This is how football should be played. Two Jewish teams showing others what a good football game should be like. Joshua conquered the Holy land in the manner we say today. Both sides fighting for God all the way until the last person. Even the Jewish women showed they can do it too like that Kara Kool girl."

Daehanjeiguk

19-02-2008, 05:23

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png|Wentland | 0 - 2 |Daehanjeiguk|http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

http://img.news.yahoo.co.kr/picture/2008/8/20080219/2008021910260974008_115011_0.jpg

It was an ecstatic crowd in Natestadt tonight as the Imperial Team took on its first World Cup match as a large Han contingent followed their beloved team to what was expected to be a very tough match. And they weren't disappointed by any manner. In fact, the fans cheered so loudly that they encouraged the team to win the match, as continuing legal problems hindered the Wentland team from exploiting its full potential.

The Han players that took the field were unusually drunk and tired, but some weird man was standing at the sidelines cajoling them forward. Cha Beomgeun certainly knows his way with people, and he got the only wizard within three continents of the UCS. Fortunately, the wizard didn't do any damage to the field, and his influence did not seem to influence the ball. But it does beg one if the power of kongfu (ooc: anyone watched Shaolin Soccer recently? It stars Stephen Chow and it's hilarious!) can in fact make a pure and perfect football team.

Once taking the field, the drunken and tired Han players stumbled around the field for a little while. Wentland even had several chances on goal - thank god Kim Yongdae didn't drink anything seriously as he knocked out all of the incoming shots and thanked his lucky crickets for the many balls that either hit the crossbar or just plain missed. All of that activity nonetheless encouraged the Han players to play better - actually, I think they sobered up while playing, so it might not be encouragement. In any case, Jeong Jihun - continuing his remarkable success from the Qualifiers - made two shots on goal before a faulty deflection by the goalkeeper left the ball and the goal open for Hong Myeongbo, who scored the first goal at 43 minutes. The crowd was elated, and the stadium began to rock (literally). The Han crowd was especially rowdy as the Imperial Team took the field and began to play defense for the remainder of the first half.

I can only imagine what that scene in the locker room must have appeared like. The coach was probably encouraging his players, while half of them were living at the toilet. Their faces were all red and hot from the playing (or from the beer), and some of them would even smile. It was a good feeling for 15 minutes before they came back to face the firing squad again. However, it was a different story for the second half, as the Imperial Team kicked off, and Hong Myeongbo again made his shot on an open goal. Fortunately for Wentland, his shot got a clean block from an anxious defender who ran straight into the goal post; talking about clear dedication, the player had to be taken off the field immediately. The Han, showing some courtesy, took their following corner kick and knocked it out for a goal kick. Still, the Han dominated the remainder of the match, while feeling the heat at times for holding a one goal lead. Wentland was becoming desperate and it was their desperate methods that saw them attacking Kim Yongdae again. Unfortunately, it was a red card of all things that dampened the spirit of the game, as Yi Sabik leaped up and kicked a Wentland player at the knee. It was the cool heads that prevailed today, as a fight started to brew. The referee took control quickly with the help of players from all sides, and Yi went off the field after 67 minutes. The Wentland player was miraculously well and stayed on for another 4 minutes before being substituted. Still, nothing could dampen the spirit of either side, except maybe one goal. And Jeong Jihun, having made five shots today, made his sixth attempt after 79 minutes, and made it count, bringing the toll to an alarming 2-0 lead. The crowd again rocked the stadium, as the Han team not only seemed confidently but also played confidently. They had sapped the last of the energy from the Wentland side, who seemed anxious for both one goal and the final whistle, which came after 2 minutes of added time.

Cha Beomgeun made some remarks after the match, gaving much credit to a man named Sifu Lang. "He came only two days ago, but he had made a great leap forward in terms of bringing this team to play confidently and competently against World Class teams. Amazingly, he doesn't even play football." The Head Coach made a few more remarks, some about his future intentions. "Whenever we fall out of the World Cup, either at the end of the last Group match or even in the Second Round, I do intend to retire. It's been a wonderful 4 seasons with the Imperial Team, but I do believe that I need some rest and someone else needs to take up the reins. I will miss it but we have to give our youth a chance to take hold of their future too." When asked about many predictions from foreign media groups, most of which had claimed that the Imperial Team would find it difficult to come out of the group with a win, Cha Beomgeun remained skeptical. "We can't count our laurels yet. We still have two more matches, and it is still highly possible that we can fail to progress. That said, our next match against Bazalonia should be easier to manage, although again I can't promise that we'll win that match either. We had the fortune to play Wentland on one of their 'bad' days." When asked about who would win the World Cup, he refused to give a straight answer, but he nonetheless hinted that he "should suspect that the hosts would have an easier to progress the various stages with enormous home support." These statements come in spite of the shock 2-1 win by Cup of Harmony co-hosts Cafundeu over Capitalizt SLANI in Group A today.

Speaking of which, we'll have a quick look over the other things that happened tonight.

In Group B, Tynelia took on Bazalonia and took them out with a 1-0 win. It was a simple and confident victory that nonetheless confirms Tynelia's strength ahead of our match with them on the last day.

Group A was one a few other surprises besides Cafundeu's surprising win as Casari beat Qazox by a clean 1-0 line.

Group C was almost no surprise as Ariddia smashed Quakmybush 3-1, and Ad'ihan dealt with Novapsolu with a 2-0 win.

Group D was almost no surprise, as both Zwangzug discharged The Holy Empire with a competitive 3-2 win and Yafor 2 won out against Sorthern Northland 2-1.

Across the world in Valanora, the other cohosts of the World Cup were more confident in their 2-0 win over Bostopia. Kura-Pelland and Northern Bettia fought out furiously for a 2-2 draw that keeps both of them in the race and out of it all the same.

Group F was the goal fest party of the day, with Milchama winning the fest 5-3 over Jeruselem. The Archregimancy, marking their return to the World Cup, fought for a 1-1 draw against Vephrall. Who gets the upset is anyone's guess.

Group G has yet another surprise as current holders Az-cz were held back by Candelaria and Marquez with a 1-1 draw. Starbladyia also had their luck shine as they too held for a 1-1 draw with Demot.

Group H had two of the biggest names in football - Squornshelous and Bettia - eek out a plain 1-1 draw while Oliverry dispelled Dance 2 Revolution with a scoreline of 3-0.

That's all for now! Catch us next time at the update!

Match Summary
43' - HAN Goal (#22)
57' - WET Injury
67' - HAN RC (#4)
79' - HAN Goal (#11)

Goal Scorers:

1 - Jeong Jihun, Hong Myeongbo

Qazox

19-02-2008, 05:43

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

MATCH 1: @ Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium, Sonoma City, Bedistan
Casari 1
QAZOX 0

Qazox' World Cup struggle continues with Casari knocking off the slighty favored Pheonix 1-0 late last night. Casari's Silvia Hill provided the lone goal of the match early in the the 17th minute, and Raymond Barisa stopped all 11 of Qazox' shot on net to preserve the win.

The Phoenix' road gets tougher as they now must face Cafundeu, 2-1 winners over Capitalizt SLANI. A Cafundeu win will basically knockout Qazox. Last time these two teams met was 4 years ago and it was a 3-1 win for Cafundeu.

SUMMARY:
Casari: Silvia Hill (Goal- 17')

PHEONIX GOALS
Tarricone- 7
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 2

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-4 (missed Both the 1st E.I. Game and the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

(OOC to Cafundeu, You better lose or else kiss those chances of a repeat in the TOUR good-bye :p j/k)

Starblaydia

19-02-2008, 10:47

-
Four Square at One-All
This is Valanora, not CommuniZt Heights

Starblaydi fans can be forgiven for thinking they may sneak into one of the top two places in this group, after a Matchday where every team scored a single goal. Perhaps the draw could be repeated against Az-cz, then a victory over Candelaria And Marquez of a greater margin than Az-cz's possible victory over Demot - then Starblaydia would be in the Second Round!

Coming out of fantasy land, however, Starblaydia have to face up to the enormity of their task. They will face the reigning World Champions, one of the only sides (along with Bedistan, Rejistania and Brazillico) ever to defend their world title. They are the best team in the world, and have been for a good while now. Putting it in those terms, Starblaydia won't have a prayer. It's only when you add up the histories that Starblaydia and Az-cz are anywhere near a match for each other, as both have two World Cups to their name, along with a Runner-Up position. The fact that Starblaydia's came forty years ago while Az-cz's both came in the last ten years is writ large for this match. Do Starblaydia seriously have any chance of beating the gnomes and their solitary dwarf? Starblaydia's solitary dwarf, Ornvidar Bazraltek, isn't giving up:

"If we wen'tin t'game we nae hope, there'd be nae point in turnin' oop," he said, fairly illegibly, "we haff tae believe we can get a result 'gainst 'em, nae bother who they be. If See'n'Em can dae it, why nae us?"

Quite.

This ray of hope has been produced firstly by Az-cz drawing 1-1 with Candelaria And Marquez, and secondly by Starblaydia upsetting the odds and also getting a 1-1 draw against the Dynamos of Demot. The match was definitely a close one, with the six Starblaydi defensive players having to keep a firm hold on the front three, and supporting players, of the attacking Demot formation. Starblaydia's forward-minded players, however, had goals on their mind just as much as the boys and girls in orange, with Antonio Mora testing Travis Jupiter's reflexes from long range early in the match, as he fired a stinging shot towards the top-right corner.

Demot's players were having to cope with Starblaydia's early, tough, onslaught, as Jabir and Oscar formed an impressive partnership, likened by some to a tag-team. Lip readers saw Jabir openly say "I'll get the man, you get the ball" within earshot of young Vahala Quan, and this approach - probably only words designed to intimidate, rather than an actual game plan - seemed to set the tone for Starblaydia's play. They didn't give Demot an inch, didn't yield a single blade of grass, and the top-ten side had to dig deep in the reserves of skill and resilience to keep Starblaydia from gaining the upper hand. Most of the possession in the first half was in Demot's favour, but they were largely kept from the final third of the pitch - Nikolaidis' goal generally stood unthreatened, with nothing but a long range potshot or trickling through-ball to give the new Starblaydi goalie a bit of exercise.

It was fitting, then, as Starblaydia started to come into the match, gaining more of the ball than previously, getting into threatening areas with runs from Canildo and deft passing from both Di Angelo and Fullbright. With the half time whistle looming, at the point in the match when some players seem happy to go in at the break with the scores even, Starblaydia pushed forward and scored. Antonio Mora received a cross-field ball from Rivolli and, with a little bit of skill, nipped past Lady Theraga. He sprinted to the goal line and put in a high cross. Fullbright and Swordhand both went up for it - Jupiter had decided to stay on his line - but it missed them all. With the ball dropping, Alfonso Di Angelo threw himself at the waist-high ball and managed to blast a shot towards goal from just five yards out. It was a belter of a shot and, somehow, Jupiter got a hand to it, a lightning-quick reaction save on the line. The ball, however, fell at the boots of Fullbright and Swordhand, and it was the Starblaydi who had the quicker feet, toe-poking the ball into the back of the net. Starblaydi fans went wild.

You're supposed to be on top!

For five minutes of the match, followed by the fifteen at the interval, it was party time for the men, women and dwarves (beardless, helmetless, axeless, hammerless and tankardless when viewed on C&M's premier World Cup highlights program) wearing white and purple. The musical instruments played, the fans chanted and cheered every ball. Starblaydia were winning in a World Cup match and all was well in the world. Demot, however, weren't done yet. Thoril Forgedawn grabbed his team by the scruff of the neck and single-handedly tried to drag his team back into the game, beating three Starblaydi players in an incredible solo run that was denied only by the legs of Nikoladis, blocking the ball and sending it out for a corner. This stirred both Demot's players and fans, and from the resulting Songsteel set piece the ball skimmed the top of the bar on its way over - Swordhand's powerful header giving Starblaydia reason to tighten up defensively.

Tighten up they had to, because Demot's threat at goal grew ever larger . Hart, Forgedawn and Connor all went close in the second half, denied a goal by a combination of skill, luck and the woodwork. Starblaydia's goal was under siege and the fans could only cheer on their team and attempt to win the war of the supporters' noise. Their dreams of a victory were shattered, however, when Rahall Lewis found his shooting boots and equalised for the Dynamo. Forgedawn's shot had been parried away by Nikolaidis, but Perheira sliced his attempted clearance. The ball travelled just ten feet or so, but Lewis was on it in like a greyhound out of the traps. He controlled it on his chest, took a touch inside to take it past Roque Bravo, then pulled the trigger on an accurate shot that went straight into the bottom corner. Demot had equalised with eight minutes to go, and they were pushing for a winner as much as Starblaydia were pushing to keep the scores level.

It was tight, tense and nerve-wracking, with Stafador, Kaneda and Gomes all on to keep a hold on the game. As so often happens, however, when you set out to defend, the opposition have more time, space and impetus to attack. Nikolaidis produced super-human efforts to keep out Demot time and again, with every Starblaydi defender putting their body on the line to block shots, intercept passes, challenge ball carriers and clear their lines.

"I'm proud of the team," Betanii Marrones said afterwards, "They defended doggedly, in the best traditions of Starblaydi football. There'll be many a former defender, which includes myself of course, who will look upon that second-half performance and know that there's a lot of good about Starblaydi football at the moment."

Final Score From Angelotic Temple (70,942):
Starblaydia 1 - 1 Demot
(Fullbright 38) - (Lewis 82)

Jeruselem

19-02-2008, 13:22

Jacinta: Hey, Kara what's that?
Kara: Err, your Jewbee card ...
Jacinta: Me? Surely not.
Kara: The Chief Rabbi of Jeruselem checked, and yes you are a Jewbee.

Jacinta: I assume not from my mother's side.
Kara: Definitely not from that side, actually it's from your father.
Jacinta: You mean Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas is Jew ... cool!
Kara: Well, I wish you weren't but you are.

Jacinta: Well, explain!
Kara: Your father, that army guy your mother Dazza slept with. He's actually a half-Jewish but he didn't know it. He was given up for adoption, as an illegitimate child from a young Jewish mother.
Jacinta: Funny, I'm illegitimate anyway.
Kara: So is your sister.

Jacinta: So, what does being 1/4 Jew help me?
Kara: Not much, you're still a Catholic. Unless you change religion.
Jacinta: I don't lack for much anyway, being a Princess and all.
Kara: Apart from morals and not wearing clothing.

Jacinta: The Old Testament, plenty of morals there!
Kara: You don't try half the stuff they did in there.
Jacinta: Like some daughters getting Dad drunking and having sex with him?
Kara: Err, well ... some things shouldn't be done.

Jacinta: I'm your Jewish sister then, cool!
Kara: Oh dear
Jacinta: So what does this card give me?
Kara: Favourable treatment at Jewish businesses.

Jacinta: But I already get that being a Princess.
Kara: No, that's just graft, bribery and corruption. Ask your mother about that.
Jacinta: Can't wait to tell Flak Sho, he's now dating a Jewish girl.
Kara: Poor parents ...

Jacinta: I'm not that bad.
Kara: But you're not very Jewish either
Jacinta: I'm a bit of everything!
Kara: Yes you are

Bazalonia

19-02-2008, 13:37

"What do you have to say about the 1-nil loss against Tynelia?""What about the comments by the Daehanjeiguk media?""Are the team still in good stead to make it to the next stage?""Do you have confidence in the leadership of James Gaines?""What's up with the Bostopian Tourist Board logo behind you?""There have been reports that various state police forces have been asking Mrs. Coulter to join up and help enforce bail conditions. Any comments?"

All these questions and more bombarded Andrew Coulter as he opened up a press conference, the Bostopian Tourist Board logo blaring next to the BFSA logo on the wall behind him.

"I have talked with James Gaines and looked at the recorded video of the match. Both teams played hard, and for the most part it was quite an even match. If it wasn't for the Tynelian goal in the last minutes of the match, It would have been a great hard fought nil-all draw. Tynelia are ranked 7th in the world after all and we took it too them and we could have won. There were opportunities that were there for us to take but against a side like Tynelia if you don't take the few opportunities they do provide then you better hope that your defence is great. I'm quite happy with performance, we could have done better but this is not the 'rout' that Daehanjeiguk media implied.

Our next match coming up is against them at Stádie Montánire in High Mountain, and the team will be ready to show them what a real match is like.

I'm not going to comment about these crazy rumours and all I will say is just that all they are is crazy rumours. As for progressing, it's obvious that we need to win. Tynelia and Daehanjeuguk have won, if we are to progress then we need to win, and I am confident in the team, despite the so called 'RP-inin' a drug that the Daehanjeiguks are said to have in large quantities. We are currently looking into what we can do, as we believe RP-inin is currently not a banned substance. Thank you."

Candelaria And Marquez

19-02-2008, 14:14

The Albrecht Herald
Golden Blues mug Pinkos in smash-and-grab
By Tracker Edwards

They call themselves the robbers… among other things, but we needn’t go into that. But yesterday in Longview it was C&M who snatched a late goal and made a runner for it; earning a point which, coupled with the day’s second result in the Angelotic Temple double-header, left Group G as you were after matchday one.

It was a scoreline that seems barely credible even on reflection, never mind at the time. And what makes it all the more pleasing was just how little hope there was just a-hundred-and-ten-or-so minutes previously. The Candelariasian public have grown used to winning; we expect it now against the Gweridijongyas and Nires of this world, not to mention Nire. Our beloved under-21 team, with two defeats in twenty-two matches, is the envy of… well, that part of the world that can be bothered with youth football these days, which isn’t very much of it, but still. Certainly against Northern Bettia, a much more experienced team with a higher ranking to prove it, C&M earned two thumping wins that, while celebrated to the hilt, just didn’t seem that surprising any more.

Yet we had a mental block when it came to Az-cz; not unreasonably most would point out given the seventeen goals they had put past first Rueben Uwakwe then Oberon Martinez in four previous meetings. And they are the back-to-back world champions, after all. But perhaps in a pique of frankly unbecoming parochialism we forgot to look at the bigger picture, for the Az-czzers are a far from unstoppable force. Nire and Nire managed to get a point against them in qualifying. Endmile very nearly took the point they needed to slip in past Northern Bettia. And two years ago, in Vephrall, those self same Gogs handed the champions an opening day defeat. After a two-all draw with… I forget now, but I expect they were a perfectly reasonable little nation; Az-cz qualified for the knock-out stages only thanks to a two-one victory over Wentland that possessed more than a hint of the fruit preserve about it.

Sure, they went on to destroy each and every opponent from the round of sixteen onwards, but their form at this stage of the competition doesn’t concern us. What matters is that in the group stage they are, if not always beatable, then at least drawable and in a group that could well be as tight as an otter’s arse that fact should have given us hope, and should still do in the remaining four games.

But still… Did that really just happen? Anyone watching the first ten minutes would have concluded that this wasn’t going to finish goalless, but a heavy Az-cz win looked on the cards. Victories by massive margins don’t tend to happen that much at the World Cup finals – C&M’s current place in the record books, alongside those pesky Northern Bettians again, can attest to that – but even the most passionate of Candelariasians in the Temple would have privately conceded that four- or five-nil didn’t seem unreasonable. El-Iot (what funny names these fine, upstanding humans have) had had an attempt on goal after barely twenty seconds, and Martinez could have felt happy enough with his day’s work before the first quarter of an hour was out.

It was always going to be an open game – when a team with the attacking mindset of Az-cz are involved it can’t be anything but – but that’s not to say that C&M had their fair share of the early opportunities. They didn’t. Ramiro Novo and Ignacio Vélez might as well not have existed, for Matteo Corradini and O’Sullivan Caras could not find a way past Hu Thertifif and Jorge Shockey on the few occasions they got on the ball and Martinez’s long punts up to the front men were charged down consistently by the six-foot Seoula Vitakiralski.

The neutral could glory in the champions’ no-holds-barred attitude, but for the Candelariasian in the ground it was dispiriting stuff. The atmosphere in the Angelotic Temple is supposed to be ‘hectic’, whatever that means, but there was little evidence of it here. They could only sing and jump about and wave their flags for so long before reality set in and the simple facts emerged. The C&M XI – or possibly IX it was hard to tell – were chasing shadows, wandering about in their unloved gold change kits with the Az-czzers in their traditional green and pink, and looking for all the world like they’d rather be back in the Cup of Harmony.

Under Lloyd Donnelly we haven’t often had cause to celebrate the Big Blues’ defence; for while his side are far from the kamikaze outfits elsewhere in the Eesseff and UCS this year, the back two, or four, or five or six depending on how you look at it play second fiddle to the myriad goalscoring options these days. They really needed to be on form today however and did themselves proud; acting as solid, unflappable unit and making up for each other’s mistakes. When Benji Fu failed to track the youngster McLaren Kenyon, Martinez pulled off a save that may be unequalled in this Cup. When Martinez was then left for dead as Bn-Ct knocked the ball past him, Lorenzo De Wilde popped up from nowhere to clear it off the line. When De Wilde made a hash of a clearance under pressure from Vitakiralski, Walter Jordan was on hand to stand in the tall youngish striker’s way and accept the yellow card. And so on and so on for so many minutes…

Not that the C&M defence was entirely to blame for the goalless first half, for if Az-cz have one flaw it is a certain cockiness. As two-times world champions, they are inevitably appearing slightly smug in their sturdy little forms and the knowledge of their greatness. That; and a regular failure to communicate effectively; often bombing on forward when they would do well to be less hasty.

Donnelly admitted defeat in getting José Felipe Cassumba Domingos into the game at the break, and sent on Jos Cornelisse instead with C&M adopting a more classic 4-4-2. With the formation that many of the Candelariasians have been used to since boyhood now on display they began to show more confidence, and had their first shot on goal shortly after the re-start with a fierce volley from Vélez tipped around the post by Haz-Tp. C&M even earned two more corners from that, in a frenzied few minutes in which Az-cz looked less than comfortable in their own penalty area, but failed to convert and soon became encamped in their own half once more.

And then, finally, inevitably, the champions scored; Bn-Ct cutting in from the right flank and unleashing an unstoppable rocket that Martinez attempted to reach only for the look of the thing. No goalkeeper could have saved that.

And yet, as they piled on the pressure again, a clear feeling began to emerge among the watching millions. Az-cz weren’t enjoying this. They weren’t going to be able to put six past Martinez this time. Fu and De Wilde had learnt from previous mistakes. But they couldn’t stop themselves. They couldn’t be happy with a one-nil win.

It proved their downfall. On the eighty-sixth minute substitute Fe-Do shot tamely into Martinez’s arms, and the Albrecht Turkish man bowled the ball out to Özkan Yalçin. Though under pressure from Shockey, Yalçin continued on forward and, shielded from the Az-cz defence by Cornelisse, reached the by-line and launched the ball across goal. Hi-Kui, in what was quite possibly his first touch of the game, attempted to clear but crashed instead into Novo. The ball ran free, and Corradini stole in to beat Cn-Vro to it. As a crowd of Az-czzers began to form around him, he was left with no option but to shoot hopefully at goal. Haz-Tp positioned himself perfectly… And it hit the unfortunate Cn-Vro. And dribbled into the back of the net. The robbers had become the robbed, and C&M had pilfered a point.

Yes, it was ill-deserved. Yes, C&M will have to play completely differently against Demot if they are to live up to Starblaydia’s performance. And yes, after the work-out they had here, Fu and co. may be on their knees when the final group game rolls around – and in all probability it won’t even be a dead rubber.

But somehow, C&M held the champions and earned a point to get their World Cup off to a fine start. And, for now at least, took a small, round, pink and green monkey well and truly off their backs.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png Az-cz 1
Bn-Ct 58

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 1
Corradini 86

Tynelia

19-02-2008, 14:39

Obituaries
Ordreszi, Bishop Theodore- age 81.
Last night after a sudden and brief illness Theodore Ordreszi was found dead in his bed by one of the staff at the Church of the Theotokos, the main church of the Tynelian Orthodox Church, in Damak.

Ordreszi was born in the city of Vistra, located twenty miles east of the city of Damak in the north of Tynelia. The third of five children , Theodore was the only one of the children who showed an interest in his father Nikolai’s religious tendencies. Proving to be a good student in his youth, Theodore finished third in his high school graduation class and with encouragement from his father joined the Tynelian Orthodox Church at age 19.

From that time Theodore was diligent in his efforts on behalf of his church and was praised for his singing voice by his elders during his younger days. At age 24 he became a deacon before attaining the priesthood at age 29. A modest and humble man, Theodore never married and spent the first three years of his priesthood living with the monks of Mount Ranor before returning to Damak where he served with solemn dignity.

Just before Theodore turned 38, Bishop James Nerizi passed away leaving a vacancy in the Bishopric and Theodore was elevated to replace him. Twenty years later, Theodore found himself the senior Bishop in the entire Tynelian Orthodox church and sought to keep a low profile for the slowly growing church in the generally atheistic land. Most Tynelians had never heard of Bishop Theodore until twelve years ago when the Monastic Orthodox orders of the Archregimancy levied an anthema against Tynelia following the rise of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, which was felt to be an heretical insult to the monks.

However after an impassioned letter written by Brother Theodore in his role as senior Orthodox bishop in the country, the anathema was lifted. Brother Theodore became a vocal critic of the new church claiming it to be a mockery of the true Orthodoxic way and the two churches briefly engaged in violence against each other until Brother Theodore condemned the practice as unchristian. He was reportedly in the midst of an apparent ongoing conversation with the leaders of the Archregimancy when he passed away. The last known letter written by him was a congratulatory note on the monks qualification to the World Cup proper.

He is survived by one sister, three nephews and four nieces.

<Elsewhere>

“Brother James, have you heard? The false Bishop passed away. The Lord of Scores struck him down for his sins!” Brother Drew exclaimed happily.

“None of that Brother Drew, though he was following a falsehood, the man Theodore Odreszi did many good things for the people even if he was blind to the real truth. There is no cause to celebrate.”

“But Brother James. Did he not congratulate our arch foes for their success, thinking it a sign of the Lord of Scores weakness?”

“He may have done so, but rather look at it as the Lord of Scores relenting and bestowing his light upon even the unbelievers in the eternal hope that they shall see the light one day. His path is not for us to judge, no matter how strange it may be.”

“Is that why everyone keeps talking about this Keeperism? Is this just another mystery for us to unravel Brother James?”

“Ah the folly of youth, to misunderstand the trail even when standing on the right path. If it proves to be an issue it shall be dealt with in a Religious Policy Making Meeting as have all these other disruptions. But rather think of it as a minor test of your faith. The arguments itself are easy enough to deal with if you think it through far enough. Now leave me, I must pray for the departed.”

Ariddia

19-02-2008, 14:44

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/6130/footballwe9.jpg
The “red and black nation” is still football-mad.

Quakers quacked

Loudspeakers carried the chant of the ulek to the highest-perched seats in the massive Sokojito Überdome, as the Rouge-et-Noirs took on Quakmybush under the eyes of a vast Capitalizt public. The number of supporters from Ariddia in the stadium was minuscule, and the “Red-and-Blacks” therefore received far greater support from a section of the Capitalizt spectators themselves. Occasional red flags could be seen, along with the old and new PDSRA flags. And when Chang Xue (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/chang_xue.html) sang the Ariddian anthem, a few voices could be heard singing the Internationale in English or Syokaji.

The match itself was straightforward enough. Jamilah Shahrour scored in the twentieth minute, a logical outcome to a solid start by the Rouget-et-Noirs. Yuto Takahara increased that lead eight minutes later, before Quakmybush narrowed it in the thirty-sixth. Takahara slipped in the Ariddian Isles’ third goal in the sixty-second minute, just for comfort’s sake.

For fans back home, the victory was not unexpected, but it was nonetheless a relief to avoid stumbling in the starting block – something the Ariddians have not quite been immune to in past competitions.

Shahrour “assaulted”?

Prior to the game, conflicting reports had begun circulating, suggesting that controversial Ariddian star player Jamilah Shahrour had been “assaulted”, either in her hotel or in an undefined public place. Shahrour appeared on the field looking fit and healthy, and merely shook her head afterwards when asked by a reporter whether she had been attacked while in Sokojito.

The Jeruselem tie?

Former Rouge-et-Noir Lucia Nelson, who also used to play for the Tel Aviv Sharks in Jeruselem, has commented on a recent opinion piece about a “Jeruselem-Ariddia Paradox” in Jeruselem’s Red Flag Journal.

“We do get quite a few tourists from Jeruselem come here,” Nelson said. “I know some of them take a holiday in Ariddia, then hop over to West Ariddia for a shopping spree before going home. I think the popular image is that Ariddia has the culture and the sights, while West Ariddia has the shops.”

Nelson pointed out, as a minor correction, that there are no “native religions” in the Ariddian Isles – apart from syncretic movements such as the A’ae Eil Church (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/a_ae_eil.html).

“There’s the language connection,” she said. There are a number of francophones in both countries. “And some Ariddians are curious about a country with a part-Ariddian leader.” Ariddian culture has found a market (so to speak) in Jeruselem, with PINA broadcasting there, Santé restaurants well established, and a number of Ariddian government-supported cultural centres operating in the country. In return, “Jeruselem cultural exhibitions are fairly popular in Ariddian museums,” Nelson said.

Jeruselem celebrity Dazza Dallas has a home in the PDSRA, and is considered by her neighbours to be a true –if perhaps somewhat excentric– member of the local community. Neighbours would not say, however, whether she took part in community activities – such as serving periodically as the neighbourhood waterwoman (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/waterman.html), or simply getting involved in the commune’s local government centre.

Football and tourism

For Ariddia, the Rouge-et-Noirs are arguably more than just international football stars. They have also become the vector to attract the attention of foreigners, and draw tourists to the PDSRA.

“When the football team is very successful, it becomes famous, and people hear about Ariddia,” an employee at an Ariddian cultural centre in Sokojito admitted. “We’ve had a big increase in people visiting this centre over the past few days.”

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/4832/promotionalxo6.jpg

Visitors arriving at Rêvane International Airport are greeted by this poster of Ariddia’s internationally famous former football superstar Cassie Lee welcoming them to “her country”. For newly arrived tourists, she provides a familiar face in a foreign land. Football stars such as Cassie Lee, Ke Sho, Jamilah Shahrour, Jeremy Isaacs and Jarl Knudsen are seemingly a lot more famous abroad than the PDSRA’s current leader, Turei Lauru (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/turei_lauru.html).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 3-1 Quakmybush http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quakmybush.png

Alasdair I Frosticus

19-02-2008, 18:35

TOWARDS THE FINAL WHISTLE

By Guillermo B. Yeatses

WAS it the double of my dream
That we led 2-1 with but ten minutes left
Dreamed, or did we halve a dream
Under the last cold minutes of the match?

I thought: 'There is a forward
That Doodlypants McGimpy might play
And wake my childhood's irrational fear;
Were I to travel far and wide
I could not know a thing so clear.'
My memories had magnified
So many times childish delight.

I would have known it like a child
But knew Philip Stings could but have touched
Cold wood upon the bench. I grew wild.
Even accusing Heaven because
Leading 2-1 seemed against nature's laws
Nothing that we love over-much
Is ponderable to our touch.

I dreamed towards break of day,
That McGimpy then threw Stings upon the pitch.
And he that sat beside me watched,
Had watched, in bitterer sleep
Those marvellous goals of Phillip,
That lofty white clad player, leap
And watch my team go down to defeat.

Az-cz

19-02-2008, 18:51

Amda-Mo: What a wasted match today, failing to beat the speciesist Candelarians in a 1-1 draw.

Lur-Mn: At least we didn't lose to them like we've done the last two cups.

Amda-Mo: Is that really better. It seems the team gets a lot of motivation out of having their backs against the wall.

Lur-Mn: Nonsense. I just don't by into that pyschological nonsense. It's always better to earn points than not. It's not like the team isn't motivated when things are relatively wide open.

Amda-Mo: Then how do you explain the fact that all three times we made the final game we did it with an opening day loss?

Lur-Mn: Luck. Were the teams that lost to Ariddia really that much worse than the teams that won the title? No. In fact according to some experts they were actually better. They just got some bad luck, like playing the Ariddians at the peak of their power and some bad breaks in those games. We didn't win those titles cause we were extra motivated. We just did the things to win the games.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Now let's get back to what happened out on the pitch today. What's your take of the performance of the two teams?

Lur-Mn: On the whole we were the better team, but they definitely turned in their best performance against us. And their keeper was a very deserving man of the match. It's disappointing that we didn't play better than they did, and it was a bit of a fluke goal at the end, but it wasn't an undeserved point that they earned.

Amda-Mo: And our performance?

Lur-Mn: Unlucky. Sometimes the amount of good chances aren't relevant. We had plenty of chances and just couldn't convert. If we can improve a bit on our finishing we'll be fine moving forward. The result was disappointing, but the play wans't so bad.

Amda-Mo: Let's look at our next opponent, Starblaydia. They have to have gained some confidence after their draw with Demot.

Lur-Mn: I'm sure they have. And nothing we do will come as a suprise to them. They're a well coached team and there's clearly a lot of footage of our strategies out there. And a number of our players are familiar to them as well from the Di Bradini Cups. So I expect a tough battle. But if we play as we should we should be able to take the full three points.

Amda-Mo: How important is it to do so?

Lur-Mn: Well we can't afford to lose. We've taken our chances on one point from two matches too many times, and with a team like Demot last we don't want to have to count on goal differential. So we need at least a draw, but a win would really give us some much needed breathing room.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Now let's take a look around the cup.

Lur-Mn: Well the biggest suprise was Daehanjeiguk's thrashing of Wentland. The only other match that saw an upset winner was Cafundeu drowing the hosts. Commerce Heights is definitely the favorite to advance to the finals from their half, so it was an upset of some size, but it's not like Cafundeu isn't a big named squad. Other than that, just a lot of draws in Elves Security Forces. Things are still pretty wide open out here.

Amda-Mo: Let's hope we're able to establish a bit of normalcy back here on match day two against our old friends in Purple. We'll see you then.

Vephrall

19-02-2008, 19:10

Vephrall stumbles in group stage opener

RAYNOR CITY, Valanora -- Despite at one point having the lead against the team representing the Archregimancy, Vephrall wasn't quite able to sit on it.

As the white and gold emerged from the tunnel at Turmondale Grounds prior to start of the game, a great "eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" emerged from the few thousand neutral fans in attendance, believed to be mostly Milchama and Jeruselem supporters who had gotten tickets to all of the Group F matches rather than just their own. While we remain unsure of the significance of this particular chant, a notable scholar of foreign culture at Westlake University in Munturet believes that it may somehow be related to a recent press release from the Monastic Football Association that included what seems to be a mistranslation of the names of the Vephrese pantheon. So far there has been no official comment from the Vephrese Jewish community, believed to number about 1.4 million.

Umsaasad Pentove had decided to take advantage of the monks' generally peaceful nature by ordering aggressive tactics for his men. Inside twelve minutes, three Vephrese players had seen the yellow card, including notorious defender Thug Umsaasad, who was probably lucky not to have been sent off directly after a poorly-timed challenge on the anonymous Archregimancy number eight. While the monk was fine, Umsaasad had managed to injure himself as a result, and so Pembace Pinteps (who was feeling more or less at home, as he plays his club football in Valanora) took his place.

And it would be another Valanora-based player that would give Vephrall the lead in the thirty-sixth minute. The goalkeeper, somewhat distracted due to a dubious decision to break out into prayer in the middle of the match, didn't even see Ferrys Sorrah's admittedly rather weak shot pass by him to his left and into the center of the net.

At halftime, manager Pentove made one of his (increasingly rare, we must admit) tactical blunders by not telling his team to back off a little now that they held the lead. Wendelors Rutako shoved the opposition number ten about fifteen yards from the goal, and the Squornshelan referee pointed to the spot. The Archregimancy had little trouble converting the penalty, and try as they might, Vephrall could not move back out in front again, leaving the final score at 1-1.

"It's a little disappointing," Pentove admitted after the match. "This was our best opportunity for a win in the group stage, and we couldn't get the job done. Now we're probably gonna have to come up with a win over Jeruselem, and that won't be easy."

In other Group F action, Milchama-Jeruselem was certainly the more exciting game, ending in a 5-3 win for the Warriors. Milchama plays the Archregimancy next and is expected to win, while Vephrall will need to get a result against Jeruselem to keep their hopes alive.

Final score
VEPHRALL 1 (Sorrah 36')
The Archregimancy 1 (Anonymous 53' pen)

New Manhattan

19-02-2008, 19:34

“…and this corner kick for the Capitalizts should just about wrap things up…Richards tries an in-swinger, over the head of Luiso, the defense clears, and it looks like Cafundéu have won the opening match at the new Holmes Stadium.”

As the Aeropag Tribune’s commentator finished his sentence, 광효교 (Gwaŋ Hyo-gyo) headed the ball downward at the edge of the penalty area, and placed a curling shot towards the far post, which bounced off of it, to the other post, and finally across the goal line. The screams from the Cafundelense stand on the east were replaced by those of the Capitalizts in the west stand, so loud that the referee could not be heard. The scoreboard read 2–2, with the clock ticking over 94:00.

“GOAL! Gwaŋ Hyo-gyo equalizes the match! Lauro didn’t stand a chance! The crowd is celebrating, but there seems to be some confusion on the pitch…the referee is on the far touchline, he seems to be discussing something with the fourth official…and the fourth official is now heading out of the stadium? I don’t believe we’ve ever seen anything like this, the clock is now over ninety-five minutes, the captains of both teams are furiously trying to get an explanation from the referee…”

After another minute passed, the fourth official ran back on carrying a microphone, the cord trailing behind him as he ran onto the pitch. The referee took it, stood facing the technical area, his back to the Capitalizt fans, and spoke up. It was just like a gridiron match—except that the referee was wearing purple.

His voice blared through the stadium’s loudspeaker: The final whistle was blown prior to the goal. Therefore, the goal is disallowed. Cafundéu wins the match, two goals to one.

He was quickly taken down by a few well-placed soda bottles from behind. Of course, with one hundred ninety-five thousand people in the stand, the perpetrators were never conclusively identified.

Sorthern Northland

19-02-2008, 19:43

The South Bank
World Cup. Who cares?

By Glenn Brigstock
Football Columnist

When this nation was founded nearly sixteen years ago everyone in the football world had a dream. The same dream. They dreamt that one day, Sorthern Northland would play in the World Cup Finals.

Sixteen sometimes long years later and this time we're not going to the losers cup or the Cup of Harmony as it is more commonly know. No, today our dreams were realised. We are a World Cup team. Sorthern Northland is in the World up Finals. And it was bloody boring!

Every Sorthern Northland CoH campaign has had drama, suspense, excitement. Today's match with Yafor 2 lacked all of them. Ben O'Bagels sat the game out to discuss poetry with his great friend Cinna and what a wise decision that turned out to be.

With the stadium packed out by corporate sponsors and men in suits rather than fans there was no atmosphere. All the players seemed scared of playing and such a big stage, and with Zwangzug and The Holy Empire to come it isn't going to get any easier. Sure Feng Shui got yet another milestone for Sorthern Northland as he became not only the first player to score for Sorthern Northland but added the first player to score a goal in the World Cup Finals for Sorthern Northland.

They all said, we should just enjoy the ride. The short ride it will be, and get off the roller-coaster at the end of the group stage and go home with our heads held high at having made it here. But can we enjoy the ride? I don't think our team is good enough to battle with the likes of Zwangzug and The Holy Empire, I can see both of them thrashing us with little trouble. How are we supposed to enjoy that?

It's obvious to me we have over achieved. We don't belong here. Yet. Maybe another sixteen years or so when we can compete with the best at the World Cup. Until then though let's enjoy and hope we qualify for the Cup of Harmony for the next couple of World Cups.

Glenn Brigstock is a former professional footballer with SN Division One team, Heathfield City. He can be a very bitter man, he's probably just jealous he's not able to play in the World Cup. He probably loves us being there really.

Kura-Pelland

19-02-2008, 21:01

Controversy at the World Cup, as the whistle was blown just before a header on goal gave Capitalizt SLANI a seeming equaliser. Why the whistle was blown right on that point is beyond most people, but maybe it's an attempt to show the SLANItopians aren't trying to bribe their way to victory at home after all, or perhaps a fake before they do try that.

And then there was Northern Bettia. The very definition of controversy.

A dire first half was enlivened by crazy tackling, and Teddy Vax was forced off after 20 minutes to be replaced by - boldly - attacking midfielder John O'Hurley, on fine domestic form for an otherwise moribund Murley City. That was about the most exciting moment of a first half with six bookings, two of them to Kura-Pellandi defenders.

The game needed a goal. It wasn't long in coming, and Northern Bettia got it through some quite brilliant play, ending in an unfortunate own goal for James Williams as he tried to make a desperate goal-line clearance.

Then two more Kura-Pellandi players - Williams himself and Iain Belling - were forced off, and then Matthias Gellen was fouled by Ryan Kemys. O'Hurley had to leave the field through injury and no more substitutes were allowed, Kemys was sent off, and it was 10 v 10.

And boy did that open things up. Fedde Beattis equalised six minutes later after heading in a Xavier Le Monde free-kick, veteran Dan Shinobu restored the Fire Ants' lead with a 30-yard thunderbolt, but Jose Cazarez snatched an 86th-minute equaliser after being freed by a mistake from Harry Nino.

The draw makes things mildly interesting; Bostopia are probably favourites to go through, more so than before, but they were beaten (as expected) by Valanora, 2-0, and will almost certainly need four points from their remaining two games. They play the Fire Ants next, while Kura-Pelland face Valanora. A shock point or even three for Kura-Pelland - or Northern Bettia - against the elves would change the group utterly, but assuming this does not happen then the group becomes effectively a three-team one with one winner, as head-to-head results will sort any tie thus meaning the losing margin against Valanora won't even be considered.

The Archregimancy

19-02-2008, 22:01

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE I

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: The Passing of Bishop Theodore of Tynelia

Fellow nations: it is with a heavy heart that, for the first time this world cup, we bring you tidings not of Orthodox rejoicing, but of sadness of the news of the passing into sleep of our Most Orthodox Brother Theodore, leader of the Orthodox Church of Tynelia. Bishop Theodore is remembered fondly in the Archregimancy for his role in bringing to our attention the existence of an autocephalous canonical Orthodox Church in Tynelia, and for his long struggle against the heathen sect known as the 'New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy'. It was indeed his role in both of these factors, and his direct personal intervention, that led to the lifting of a proclamation of anathema against the entire nation of Tynelia after the rise of the heretics. Bishop Theodore had recently been in correspondence with the Monastic Football Association offering congratulations for our return to the World Cup Finals after years of struggle, and it is our belief that the long struggle agaisnt the 'Othydoxic Church' was directly responsible for his death following a sudden illness. Indeed, we urge the Tynelian authorities to investigate whether the desperate heathens may not have taken a more direct role in ridding themselves of this beloved man of God who harried them in latter days.

All of this has rather overshadowed our 1-1 draw with the waffle-worshipping Vephrese, though it surprises us little that their violent approach was epitomised by a player called 'thug'. No doubt he should consider whether his injury - and the penalty eventually awarded against his team some time after that injury - might not be God's righteous judgement against his sinful play and the constant fouling of his team.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE II

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Princess Jacinta Dallas and Judaism

Fellow Nations: It has recently come to our attention that Princess Jacinta Dallas is claiming to be Jewish on the basis that her father, an otherwise little-known individual who was one of many innocents seduced by the Whore of Babylon Dazza Dallas, was half-Jewish.

Our studies of the Hebrew faith strongly indicate that Judaism is matrilineal in nature, and that while Princess Jacinta may claim some vague ethnic connection with Judaism through her father, she could only claim to be truly Jewish were the Whore of Babylon herself to be a Jew. Since Dazza Dallas has not been particularly known for her observant Judaism, we regret that Princess Jacinta must personally convert to be considered Jewish.

Actually, following her rather considerate and modest performance of the Jeruselem National Anthem in the Archregimancy this past qualifying campaign, we were rather hoping to convert her to Orthodoxy, always provided that she can convince herself to wear clothes when out in public and to commit herself in future to only engaging in intimate physical relations with her future husband.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Sorthern Northland

19-02-2008, 23:18

****Location: Beningrad Military Airfield, Beningrad, Sorthern Northland (Approximately zero kilometres from Beningrad)

****Time: 10:93, 17th June, Sorthern Juche 29 (Gregorian 2019)

Sheridan: Check it out, state of the art. Puts all our other aircraft to shame.

John Jordan: It certainly is Sir, but since I realised that I was Minister of Finance, I've noticed we're a bit poor. How can we afford to buy a Chengdu J-10?

Sheridan: We have friends with money John.

Jordan: We do? Who?

Sheridan: Well I don't know to be honest, it came from an monogamous donor.

Jordan: A monogamous donor?

Sheridan: Yes, no hold on. It might have been an anonymous donor come to think of it.

Jordan: Oh right.

Sheridan: Don't worry about it John. Come let's grab some lunch. Now tell me how is the offensive against Bostopia going?

Jordan: I don't know Sir, I'm minister of finance, I'm not involved in this war.

Sheridan: Well we at a military airbase, God dammit, get me someone who does.

Jordan: Yes sir.

-Jordan goes off and returns a few minutes later.

Jordan: This man looks importent, he might know something.

Supreme General Kim: 여보세요 각하. 그들이 너를 귀중하게 겪는 것 을 너가 쥐의 육군에의해 안에서 밖으로 먹고 나가 희망한다 것 을 나는 희망한다. 나는 항문높은 쪽으로 나사돌리개에 너를 죽일 것이다.

Sheridan: God dammit Jordan, I don't speak Korean, find me someone who speaks a language I know.

-Jordan goes off and returns again.

Major Rubén Paniagua: Hola, sir. I hope you are well?

Sheridan: Who are you?

Paniagua: Major Rubén Paniagua, Sir second in command to the Supreme Commander here.

Sheridan: Ah good, tell me Major, how is the offensive on Bostopia going?

Paniagua: Well we have sent half our planes to Bostopia and they are currently bombing that nation with those bombs filled with shoes.

Sheridan: Excellent! And what is this news that we used nuclear weapons against some nation called Tutu something?

Paniagua: Oh that? Don't know that was strange. I was doing my routine inspection of the weapons and I saw Ben O'Bagels down there.

Sheridan: So this is his doing?

Paniagua: Well no there was another Ben O'Bagels down there. He had a Han accent, I think he launched the nukes.

-Sound of crickets chirping

Sheridan: I say! What's that infernal racket?

Paniagua: There seems to be a large group of Hans out on the apron Sir. They appear to have a number of boxes or something filled with crickets.

Sheridan: What are they doing?

Paniagua: They appear to be loading the crickets into some form of bomb and stealing our planes sir.

Sheridan: Hey! The Chengdu J-10! They're stealing the Chengdu J-10! Stop them Major.

Paniagua: How should we do that? They've stolen all but one of our F11C Goshawk's.

Sheridan: Well use that then! Run after them I don't care how as long as we get that Chengdu J-10 back. Oh hey look, they left a box of crickets. Cricket soup anyone?

Jordan: Er I wouldn't do that Sir.

Sheridan: Why not? It can't do us any harm.

Zwangzug

19-02-2008, 23:35

"You said we could find someone who knows how to get into your computer?"

"Oh yeah." Belinda looked up from her to-do list, where she had written -find home stadium for Rovers United and -break the news that the rest of the world doesn't use a 1-.5-0 system to Namiri Forest at the bottom of the rapidly-growing MUFN stuff page. "If we hurry, we can make the shuttle."

"There's a shuttle to...wherever we're going?"

"Not really." After a pause, Belinda figured out Ted expected her to clarify this, and did so. "It's more of a shuttle from there. Out to here. But it has to go back, you know?"

"...Right."

They quickly descended the stairs once again, and Belinda set a rushing pace over to the depot. Sure enough, a train was just pulling out. Belinda was about twice as old as everybody else there, though Ted blended in somewhat more easily.

"Okay, I give up. Where are we going?"

A couple students turned to look at them.

"The AIU," Belinda replied tersely.

"What? And why?"

"It's where the first guys got the idea to have a national team. And everybody knows how to work a computer far better than I do. If anybody knows how to help us, they'll be there."

"...Anybody? You're just going to wander around and look for people at random?"

"You have any better ideas?"

Ted shook his head, originally indicating "no" and winding up wincing his eyes up at the same time, indicating "...no comment".

They emerged onto a cold campus. A broomball game had overtaken a fairly high-traffic path, to what would have been the visible annoyance of a graduate student had his face not been covered by a ski mask. He took an impromptu detour and glanced Belinda and Ted, walked past them, then turned around. "...Do I know you?" he asked.

Ted laughed. "We are way too lucky."

"I'll take it," Belinda smiled. "Belinda Littlewood? Athletics organization?"

"...Oh," said the graduate student. "...Yeah, I'm Timothy Nexus. Might have seen you around."

---------------------------------------

"The score 2-1 here, as Zwangzug moves for a substitution."

"Probably trying to shake up the offense, which hasn't been at its best today-one goal from Vanderpent against an Imperial side that's simply not known as defensive."

"Good call, it's Stings in for Maini. And we're on again, Deguela getting the best of the kickoff, but he'll lose it to Botaniates, who relays it to Phocaso, who's all of a sudden in the Zwangzug half, but Barnes is there to stop that. Up to Seu, who deflects it, Lascaro coming up with it, sending it along to Ducaso who moves to shoot. Instonenext there, she'll send it flying. Deguela again, Ruck."

"Ajer midfield combination there, they're a club from Yafor 2, who Zwangzug will play on the third matchday."

"Ruck keeps it under control, plays it up to Stings, who'll shoot-goal!"

"Stings with the goal, just after coming off the bench, and Zwangzug might walk away from this with a point after all..."

"...Palaeologo taps it forward."

"Bulgarectonico comes into possession now, captain of the Imperial side."

"See, our broadcasts go so much more nicely when you give yourself permission to try pronouncing names like Bulgarectonico."

"Thank you. Lauren challenges and winds up with the ball, clears it, Deguela ranging around to keep it in Zwangzug possession. He'll send it forward to Phillip Stings."

"Who, of course, just tied the game up."

"Sidesteps Vatatzes-"

"-ignoring a possible confrontation? I think that's a first."

"Shoots-and scores again! 3-2 for Zwangzug after an incredible comeback, spearheaded by Phillip Stings, who was on the bench nine minutes ago!"

Casari

19-02-2008, 23:42

"Man, it's loud out there." Hill said, standing in the tunnel prior to the player's entrance into the stadium.

"No kidding."

In the seating bowl, Fans of Casari, Fans of Qazox, and the ever-present enthusiastic neutrals all had sway- the Casaran faithful singing and swaying in the rows, already the slight haze of liquor clouding their vision after having little to do in a foreign country.

The referees were talking amongst themselves, waiting for the signal. They didn't appear to have any glaring vision problems today- something that everyone would surely be thankful for if it was true, which leads to a completely different RP entirely, and it's go on and on and on in a long list of complaints, and nobody would enjoy it- see, exactly. Moving on.

---

The seventeenth minute saw the lone goal from Hill throw up a bit of cheering, but the match surely didn't match the buildup, with very little intensity in the play or the crowd, the Casaran fans being content with points, looking ahead to the far more stressful matches with one of those UCS teams (they seem to reproduce and spawn disgusting child FAs every so often) and Cafundéu, who Casari will have a far more interesting third engagement with now that they took a win in their first match. With a second win making it extremely likely that Casari will move on, the matches against both teams become far more important- leading to the possibility that the match against Cafundéu won't be round three of the extended streetfight between the two countries.

---

"You know, I was wondering if we could get some of those mixed-martial-arts gloves for the match."

"Those what?" Hill said, looking at Will Antari like he was a bit mad.

"Well, I'm the one who's going to have to fight with all of these people, can't I get some gloves?"

"No, I get that, but what the hell is mixed-whatever-whatever?"

"Oh, it's one of those fighting competitions where people mindlessly wail on each other for 8 minutes or so instead of a proper boxing match that takes endurance or talent."

"... but why would you want gloves? Wouldn't you want to hit harder if you were going to fight?"

"Actually, I thought we could pack them with lead or something."

"Gloves full of lead."

"Yup."

"Your fists will be so heavy you'll be unable to swing, you git."

"Well... I suppose."

"You want brass, copper, something lighter like that."

"... how do you know these things?"

"I know all kinds of things, Will, that's why everyone loves me."

"I thought everyone loved you because you were smoking hot." James Estanberg said.

"That too."

Milchama

20-02-2008, 00:01

"That was awesome!"

"Yeh man 5 goals, 3 for Belmowitz and victory"

"Just what the doctor ordered"

"Agreed, it's the perfect way to start a World Cup."

"Unfortunately it had to come against Jeruselem, our fellow Jews"

"Tis ok, they will be able to beat their next two opponents. I still say they will advance through this tough time"

"Yeh"

"Now we need to focus on the future"

"Well I think first we need to focus on the past"

"Why?"

"How about because our defense was kinda leaky, 3 goals conceded"

"Yeh that needs work but if you're getting 5 goals, all from strikers it really doesn't matter"

"Sure, I guess but Evans and Miller scoring can only be good"

"Fine but I'm not worried about the game anymore, what do you think about the conduct of the fans?"

"Oh they were awful, heckling, screaming and cutting off rubber chicken heads for no reason"

"That is really bad, we need to change that before our games against more religiously charged opponents"

"What are you talking about?! This is excellent!!!!! We finally have crazy, racist, violent fans. This is exactly what we wanted. Milchamian have been notoriously tame for a nation like our own we need some violence, killing, death. This will be excellent is everybody ready to be scared out of their wits!"

"I'm leaving now"

"Oh hell no, we need to discuss, the future"

"Not now, somebody's calling me.... BYE!"

"Cowardly bastard"

Wentland

20-02-2008, 00:04

"So, Rach, how are you going to ensure we get to play the first game?"

"Easy!!! We'll steal the kits..."

***

Norman Hacker was incandescent when the team arrived at Natestadt. "WHERE ARE THE BLOODY SHIRTS??? WE CAN'T GO OUT THERE NAKED!!!"

Katie Barnfield was not exactly dissuaded. "Well, boss, we could go out there, we'll seduce the Han..."

"YOU ARE NOT DOING ANY SEDUCING!!! I have picked the men and that's that. Now, what do we wear?"

Rach Horne looked impish. "Well, maybe someone could find the kit, for an undertaking in return..."

Before Hacker could respond an anxious Bert Bridges darted in. "We can use the Han's change kit...it's Maitland red, so it'll suit us, boss..."

Hacker had an evil grin on his face. "Oh, excellent. Don't think it worked, Miss Horne."

Rach Horne had the grace to look innocent.

***

"Well, you've done OK so far, lads...I can't believe you're losing..."

"Nor me, boss...they're having all the luck, that goalie doesn't so much save them as get in the bloody way..."

"Just keep going the way you are...jeez, Keith, have you been on the sauce?"

"No, it's that centre forward I'm man-marking, I think he's brahms..."

***

Bert Bridges waved smelling salts under Keith Bassett's nose anxiously and held up a finger. "Killer, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Six...no, tell a lie, eight..."

Bridges turned to the bench and waved his arms. Hacker let out an anguished yell. "Oh, for Cliff's sake, Horne, get yourself on..."

***

"Red card...that's not surprising, boss..."

"Dammit, that's Ackroyd done...stay on there, Charlie!! I don't want another bloody bird on the pitch..."

"That's not fair, boss!!!"

"Course it is. You can't cope..."

"It's no good, boss...he has to come off..."

"Right, you, Mastyshiter..."

"That's MATSUSHITA!!! Good grief..."

"Whatever you are, get out there, and win, or else!!!"

***

Hacker dreaded the press conference at the best of times but after a tame 2-0 defeat to ten men it was even less enjoyable than normal.

"Was it a mistake not to play with more women?"

"Should you have experimented more with a mixed team?"

"How come the women have a better record than the men?"

"Is your position tenable?"

"RIGGHHHTTTT!!! That's IT!!!! I'm putting the women in for the next game...and if they win I will stick with them...if they lose, they're on the next plane home...how's that then? They'll beat Tynelia easily, won't they? Eh?"

Cafundeu

20-02-2008, 01:27

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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GIGANTES DA ECONOMIA DISPUTAM NO FUTEBOL: CAFUNDÉU GANHA MAIS UMA
OPENING GAME OF WORLD CUP 39!

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Cafundéu players commemorate goal

The first game of World Cup 39 for the Monopolists. The first game of World Cup 39 generally speaking... it was the opening game between Capitalizt SLANI and Cafundéu. It’d be difficult to find a better game to start the World Cup. Cafundéu and Capitalizt SLANI are excellent teams that play exciting football, have hosted a World Cup together before, and are two giants economically speaking too. So, the Holmes Stadium was the place of a marvelous show, which ended in the surprising win of the Monopolists, although many supporters were confident that Cafundéu would win the game.

Changes and Absences: first game of the WC proper.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: the hosts, Capitalizt SLANI, top seeds of the group and favourites for the title.

THE FIRST HALF: there was a huge opening ceremony of the World Cup before the game of course. Music (including even a Cafundelense rock group, called Interest Rate, that makes a lot of success abroad), dance, acrobatics, speeches and, only after that, the anthems of both countries. Surely the opening ceremony was magnificent, but everybody wanted to see football. The teams showed their offensive strategies in the first minutes, attacking a lot to try to score first. Cafundéu had the first good chance, in a free kick taken by Neto, but Capitalizt SLANI seemed more efficient when it reached the attack. Lauro had to make good saves, and Léo Mattos cleared the ball over the line after a shot by Du-yun.

Capitalizt SLANI seemed stronger, and, with the help of the supporters, pressured the Cafundelense defence, which hold the opponents’ attacks with competence. Eduardo Monte and Souza were concentrated and making good tackles. Cafundéu reacted with some interesting moves, but they were not enough to threaten Sun-ji. And the hosts’ pressure ended with a goal after the twentieth minute. Piestert invaded the area, dribbled Souza and shot. Lauro saved, but Leisten took the rebound and shot to score the goal. But the Monopolists reacted soon after. Léo Mattos crossed the ball to the area, but the ball made a curve and ended entering inside the goal. After that, both teams continued to attack well, but the result at the end of the first half was 1x1.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Léo Mattos’s goal): “A bad situation for Cafundéu, now losing the game, the first game of this Worrrrrld Cup. The team has high hopes, and a bad rrrrresult in the firrrrrst game can destrrrrroy them. But let’s rrrrreact, and herrrrre is a chance. Léo Mattos with the ball in the rrrrright wing, advances with it being marrrrrked by Cox... nice drrrrribble over Cox, rrrrreaches the end of the field, crrrrross the ball to the arrrrrea... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! This one deserrrrrves a rrrrreplay! Léo Mattos, number two! It wasn’t done on purrrrrpose, I’m surrrrre! Cafundéu one, Capitalizt SLANI one! A telephone is essential for everrrry perrrrrson, and we arrrrre herrrrre to make assurrrrred that you can enjoy it... Telecaf, the main telephone system operrrrratorrrrrrs of Cafundéu and neighbour countrrrrries!”

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The Capitalizts score a goal

THE SECOND HALF: the first half was exciting, and the supporters were waiting for more action in the second half. But the game played in the last half was more tactical than technical, and the defences did a good job. Capitalizt SLANI once again seemed better in the first minutes, but this time it wasn’t sufficient to have a good goal chance. Luiso had two good chances shooting from inside the area. In one, he was blocked by Éverton. In the second, sent the ball wide. After these chances, Cafundéu grew in the game and seemed more ready to score.

The Cafundelense attacks were interesting to see, but no goals were scored. Augusto César shot and the ball hit the post, Ferreira invaded the area, shot, but sent the ball over the bar, Flecha dribbled an opponent but couldn’t dribble Alegro and lost the ball. So, changes were needed. Both coaches made substitutions wanting the win, and Cafundéu could score soon after the last substitution, with less than 10 minutes to be played. Léo Mattos passed the ball to Da Silva, who sent it to the area. Fabrício controlled the ball, dribbled Alegro and shot to score the goal. Cafundéu held the victory until the end of the game. And, after the referee whistled the end of the match, Capitalizt SLANI even scored a goal, but it was too late. Cafundéu won the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Fabrício’s goal): “Cafundéu in the attack again, Brrrrraddock’s boys seem in good forrrrrm rrrrright now. Capitalizt SLANI defending. Ball with Mattos, team advances with a pass to Da Silva, now in the rrrrright wing. Good crrrrross to the arrrrrea, Fabrrrrrício holds and contrrrrrols the ball quickly, avoids the defender, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrreplay it now! Fabrrrrrício, number eighteen! Cafundéu two, Capitalizt SLANI zerrrrro! If you think that going to museums is a waste of time, please go to the MAGECA, in Cafundó do Juta! The prrrrrice is good, and you’ll never forrrrrget what you’ll see therrrrre! Don’t forrrrrget to go to the MAGECA at least ten times durrrrring your lifetime!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: Carlos Magno, a bench player of Cafundéu, didn’t play the game, but won a prize. Soon after the opening ceremony ended, he was able to get the telephone number of one of the ballerinas. The interesting fact is that, at the exact moment that she was talking with him, the main screen of the stadium showed them talking. And what about Neto, the “grass killer”? When making a slide to get the ball in the field, Neto removed all the grass from where his feet passed. Expect some repairs in the stadium before the next game. And the “violent linesman”? In a play, the SLANI player Būm-mo was called offside. The linesman rose his flag, and hit the nose of the poor attacker!

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: impressive game, and excellent win managed by Cafundéu. Surely the right start for the World Cup campaign, and I was there to hear the coach and the players that participied in this game. First of all, as ever, I talked with the coach Franz Braddock. He said: “There was a huge preparation for this game, we were concentrated and determined to win this one. Our strategy was good, our moves worked well, we all knew that the game was going to be difficult. And it was. But we won it. And, about their goal scored after the game ended, I must tell you something: Luiso fouled Lauro in that play. That’s why Lauro couldn’t save. So, even if the goal were scored during the game, it should be disallowed.”

And what the players have to talk about the game? First of all, I talked with Léo Mattos, who was very happy with the result: “This was a great result and I’m very satisfied with my performance. And don’t say that I didn’t want to score that goal. I shot the ball to the goal, didn’t cross it to the area. I’m sure that, if we continue playing well, we can make a good campaign in the cup.” Goalkeeper Lauro said: “The whole team worked well together today and the win was our prize. This was a very difficult game. And Luiso pushed me in the last play of the game, so I think that the referee should have given a yellow card to him.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): both teams had good performance, this game was decided in the minimal details. In Capitalizt SLANI, Alegro worked well in the defence, and so did King, who held many Cafundéu attacks. Leisten was excellent at defending and attacking, and Du-yun was ever dangerous in the attack. These were the best ones in the host team. In Cafundéu, Lauro and Eduardo Monte were excellent in the defence. Anormal with his classic good performances, Da Silva in another nice game. But the best of the match was Léo Mattos, with a goal scored, and ever present in the Monopolists’ plays.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Last minute confusion): “Corrrrrer kick for Capitalizt SLANI, the rrrrreferrrrrree will prrrrrobably end the game know, maybe even beforrrrre they take the corrrrrner. No, the game continues, the set piece is taken, ball goes to the arrrrrea... Éverton clearrrrrs! And the rrrrreferrrrree whistle, the game ends! Look, Hyo-gyo shot at the same time that the game ended, Lauro unable to get the ball, and it enterrrrrs inside the goal. But the game is ended, this can’t be a goal! The Capitalizt SLANI players go to complain with the rrrrreferrrrree, Brrrrraddock invades the field to defend the rrrrreferrrrre, many people discussing, a confusion! The police came to prrrrrrotect the rrrrreferrrrrree, Lauro arrrrrgues with Luiso, Brrrrraddock arrrrrgues with Hyo-gyo, the dog of the policemen arrrrrgues with the corrrrrner flag, the hot dog seller arrrrrgues with a customer, my wife arrrrrrgues with me rrrrright now, the Emperrrrror Van Tocco arrrrrgues with one of his Counselor-Ministerrrrrrs, the soap operrrrra character Gustavo arrrrrgues with Flávio, another character, will this have an end? Watch the next chapter today, after the news! The ham prrrrroducer arrrrrgues with the consumer... ham of quality, only Prodigão!”

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A happy Franz Braddock after the game

CAFUNDÉU 2x1 CAPITALIZT SLANI

Place: Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan.
Attendance: 390,100 people.
Referee: Mikhash Fekarshinaketn (Tynelia).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara (Éverton 45’), Anormal, Da Silva and Neto (Saulo 74’); Flecha and Ferreira (Fabrício 66’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/5319/comoo5.png CAPITALIZT SLANI: Sun-ji; Richards, Hyo-gyo and Alegro; King, Cox (Mason 55’) and Leisten; Du-yun (Branch 74’), Piestert, Būm-mo (Pola 55’) and Luiso.
Coach: Alfreda Alesanka.

Goals:CAF: Léo Mattos 25’ , Fabrício 81’.
CSL: Leisten 23’.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Qazox: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara, Anormal, Da Silva and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland) - no! He can’t whistle a Cafundéu game again... (the WCC rejects Cafundéu’s complaints - Valxen is the referee).

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WC Goalscorers:

1- Léo Mattos, Fabrício

Jeruselem

20-02-2008, 02:27

The Jewish Herald

Our Jewish Princess!

The Chief Rabbi of Jeruselem has conducted a study into paternal linearage of Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas. While it's known the Princess's father is Corporal Rasmuffin Stickus of the Jeruselem army who had relationship with Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas. The Corporal was player in the Jeru FC world cup team before becoming the Jeruselem team's personal security officer for Dazza Dallas.

He's lived with his foster parents not knowing his real parents. The Chief Rabbi has determined he was a product of an extra-marital relation and given up for adoption after the Jewish mother was forced to abandon her son due to family pressure. Some sources say the mother was talented singer who never got the chance to make music career due to the family not wishing this to happen. At least, her grand-daughter is now showing the world this talent.

It is sad to say his mother is now deceased and the father is still unknown. The Corporal is married to cyborg Dazza Deux with one child - the other child being the Princess.

So we have a 1/4 Jewish, 1/4 Ariddian and 1/4 Jeruselemite (non-Jewish) with the other 1/4 unknown. Despite being a bit of "mutt" in dog terms, she's turned out quite well.

The Princess isn't quite Jewish as she's officially Catholic like her sister Queen "Skate" and mother Dazza Dallas. Most of this family seem to be illegitimate except Dazza's two sons but at least we can't say there's inbreeding in this family.

The Princess isn't Jewish as yet due to her religion but she's still one of us. It also means there's a Jew in the royal family even if it was bit of an accident. The Princess is dating Flak Sho, a pure Ariddian Jew who is a member of current World Cup 39 team. From all accounts, Flak has a good family and fine young man. It's good to see Jacinta has real taste in men.

Daehanjeiguk

20-02-2008, 02:49

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

====

皇 - Is the operation a success?

外 - I don't know. I have heard from the Bostopians.

軍 - Me neither. I haven't heard from the Sorthern Northlanders.

事 - I heard that some of the Sorthern Northlanders made some cricket soup with an extra of crickets.

皇 - GAH! CRICKET EATERS! THE WEST IS FULL OF CRICKET EATERS! OUR LUCK CRICKETS!!!

軍 - Actually, we used the unlucky ones. So it isn't that bad... is it?

事 - Actually, we couldn't find any unlucky ones. So we just used cheap Mongolian crickets.

政 - But they weren't that cheap. I mean, we paid about 65,000,000圓 just for 801 boxes. That comes out to a total about 81,000圓 per box. Of course, each box is 5 tons (mind you, that's metric tons!). And each ton of crickets is roughly 62,500 crickets, so per cricket it's actually about 26錢 (100錢 = 1圓). Still... that's a lot of crickets.

*cricket chirps*

皇 - I have to agree with the cricket. That was pretty boring.

政 - Don't blame me. I'm the Finance Minister.

皇 - So we're going to war with Bostopia because they cooked our crickets into a soup. Now we're going to war with Sorthern Northland because they cooked our crickets into a soup. Maybe we should just stop with this whole thing, because the next country we're going to meet is going to end up eating all of our crickets. That's not a healthy way to start up diplomatic relations with anyone.

軍 - That's precisely why we nuked Tutustan!!!

事 - Wait, didn't we nuke Tutustan because they turned gay?

軍 - Yes. Everyone knows that gay people eat crickets.

皇 - Wait a minute. You're saying that the homeless people in Bostopia are ... gay? And the people in Sorthern Northland are... also gay?

軍 - It's a grim outlook, but it appears to be so.

外 - Somehow, I have a feeling that this is going to turn into a war against the cricket-eaters to a war against homosexuals. Which is something that we don't need at this time. May I remind you that we have gay people?

皇 - We have cricket-eaters in our country? GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

事 - Majesty, we have the sound-proof room here for that very reason.

皇 - Right. I'll be right back.

*enters sound-proof room - Ministers watch Emperor scream at the top of his lungs, expecting to see his head blow up*

服務員 - I have your tea! *serves tea* Oh, the Emperor's been shocked again? What's it now? His son is gay?

皇 - *leaving sound-proof room* WHAT? MY SON IS A CRICKET-EATER? *re-enters sound-proof*

服務員 - Guess I spoke too soon.

軍 - Wait! Is it true?

服務員 - No. I just saw him with one of the concubines earlier.

軍 - Which ones? His fathers or his own?

服務員 - The Emperor doesn't have any concubines, because of the Imperial Edict. Of course, just because the Emperor can't have concubines doesn't mean that the Crown Prince can't have any.

政 - Wait. Who's paying for this?

服務員 - I don't know. The Crown Prince has his own treasury, doesn't he?

政 - Yeah. It's called the Imperial Treasury. I need to know if he's paying for his concubines.

服務員 - I wouldn't know. He seems to have sex everyday with the same person.

皇 - *leaving sound-proof room* GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *re-enters sound-proof*

服務員 - Maybe I should leave now. Anyway, get your tea while it's hot!

事 - Well, the Emperor's not coming out anytime soon. Especially since he thinks his son is making love to another man everyday.

外 - Let's play ping-pong! This table is just perfect, and I have paddles!

政 - I recently had it upgraded just for that purpose. It comes with a net too! *flips switch*

大家 - Ooh! Aah!

*play ping-pong*

===================

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

IC real

One would expect that Sifu Lang was going to be happy after the miraculous win over Wentland yesterday, but nope. He was as grouchy as ever. He started shooting sparks early too.

"You were out all night drinking soju! You can't celebrate too early!"

Cha Beomgeun sighed as he turned to his assistant coaches. "You know, I wonder he would look like if we lost to Wentland yesterday." The coaches nodded. "I mean, I'm not too enthusiastic about our match against Bazalonia. Just because they're lower ranked doesn't mean that we'll win the match for sure! They lost to Tynelia too, so they'll be looking to win against us today! I mean, I would if I were them. But with Sifu Lang!!! I mean... he just flies around the sky all day and shocking my players, making them get drunk at night, and what do we have now? The players haven't practiced any football since he came!"

The coaches all nodded. He sighed. "So you guys are just going to nod all day too?" They nodded.

"Sifu Lang!!!!!" the players then yelled. "Have mercy!!!!!"

"Mercy is for the weak! You have neither self-discipline nor strength. How can you expect to move the mountains?"

"But we don't wanna move mountains!"

That response made Sifu Lang irate. "Just for that, tonight, you shall move this giant mountain of diapers or else I will give you no rest whatsoever!"

The players looked around, assembled on the field together. "What mountain?"

Suddenly, without warning, Sifu Lang clapped his hands and a giant stack of dirty diapers landed on top of the team. Cha Beomgeun immediately rushed out to the field and with his assistant coaches tried to retrieve the players, but within 5 meters of the pile, he was repulssed by the smell.

"Sifu Lang!!! I demand that you remove that diaper pile!"

"I will. But they must first move it!"

"If you don't move it, they will die!"

"They will not die. It is impossible to die by smelling the fecal matter of infants."

"You haven't recent medical journals then."

"I don't read."

"Figures... Well, if you won't move it, I'll call someone to move."

"It will cost much money."

Cha Beomgeun nodded. "I've noticed that the prices here are a little extreme..."

"Then let the players move the mountain of diapers. They will learn yet."

"Well, for their sake, I hope they do. Your ways of teaching are harsh."

"It is through strife that we find ourselves, and through seeking harmony that we find the ways to peace. It cannot be made any other way." With that Sifu Lang sat down on the ground and molded his body into a very uncomfortable meditative position. Cha Beomgeun looked back at the repulsive pile of diapers. "We've got a game in a few hours, and I don't think there are any showers in the world that can get them clean enough to play tonight."

Sifu Lang nodded. "That's because all of the showers in the locker room will be broken."

"What? So I'm going to be stuck with diaper smell all night?"

"And everyone else too."

Goal Scorers:

1 - Jeong Jihun, Hong Myeongbo

Sel Appa

20-02-2008, 06:33

Sel Appa graciously thanks Ad'ihan for its goodwill. We have begun sifting through those that have returned to Sel Appa. As a measure of our own goodwill, charges are pending for "disorderly conduct abroad" and "unrepresentative behavior", both misdemeanors in Sel Appa. Our prosecutors will fight hard to ensure each and every rioter receives some penalty, at the least to show that Sel Appa will not tolerate its citizens acting out abroad. We also renew our condolences for those dead and wish to send representatives to their respective funerals.

Sel Appan government construction workers are on standby, waiting for the Ad'ihan government to give the OK for them to be sent to assist in the repairs free of charge. We will also be sending auditors to determine how much Sel Appa will owe to Ad'ihan. Sel Appa has no comment on a pending lawsuit.

We continue our plea for the extradition of the three Sel Appans who are believed to be likely involved in the riot: Olivier Cotteur (chief instigator), Leroy Huntch, and DeMit Rno. As long as Ad'ihan keeps capital punishment on the table, we cannot even think of ending our petition for extradition. Regardless, we will continue to push for extradition as long as Ad'ihan maintains the felony charges.

Sel Appa graciously thanks Ad'ihan for their generosity in flying our team back to Sel Appa in preparation for the Cup of Harmony.

We also petition to send our own legal defense teams to assist those already presumably provided by Ad'ihan, or relieve them of their duty for more other concerns.

We hope Ad'ihan has the wisdom and clemency to be fair to those three instigators. We again thank you for the release of the other Sel Appans.

Tynelia

20-02-2008, 15:33

“Jones get in here!” Agent Smith demanded as the door swung open immediately in response and Agent Jones strode quickly inside.

“What is it sir?” Jones replied.

“What do your people have to say about this theory by those foreign religious nutbags about the death of the old bishop? Indeed, we urge the Tynelian authorities to investigate whether the desperate heathens may not have taken a more direct role in ridding themselves of this beloved man of God who harried them in latter days. It says in their press release. The last thing I need is some crazy holy war to break out.” Smith declared.

“I don’t think there is any evidence to link the two, though it was reported that some of the NOCCROs were celebrating the deed. None of our undercover operatives in contact with them have detected any sign of their involvement. However it is possible to doctor the autopsy results and create an incident if that is what you wish sir?” Jones added helpfully.

“Hmm, keep that idea in reserve but according to my own sources none of those nutbags ever met the old geezer. Tough to establish a solid connection unless they had some undercover people in the staff.”

“Its possible sir, we don’t watch over the entire staffing protocols of the established religious crazies due to possible foreign negative press. Someone may have slipped through.” Jones mused.

“Get on it then, and send Jones in when you leave. I want answers by the end of the week.” Smith ordered.

“Yes sir!” Jones said as he departed only to have Agent Jones enter the office immediately after.

“So Jones, I see your probability people totally missed the boat on those Han imperialists. Crushed Wentland quite handily. Rumor has it the Wentlander squad is in a state of flux now. Which should make things easier for us but how did they miss the Han win?” Smith demanded.

“Well sir, actually they hadn’t completely missed it. There was only a 6.8% probability of a Han win and 18.6% chance of a draw. The odds were too low to consider viable by my people. However they predict a 73.5% chance of our own victory after the reconnassaince satellites caught signs of disruptions among the Wentland practices no doubt as a result of the Han win. This was a 7% increase over earlier projections. They are justifiably cautious now with the Han match against Bazalonia. They feel the Bazalopes should improve their game after coming so close to points with us while the Han are expected to suffer a letdown after their win. However countervailing this would be a dropping of any pressure at all given the expectations that they would not have a win this whole Cup.” Jones recited looking down at his notes occasionally.

“So what do the numbers say now?”

“It indicates a 41% chance of a Bazalonian win and 25% chance of a draw. Early indicators were at 60% and 30% respectively before the Han win. I believe the actual percentage lies in between the two results since the staff may be overcompensating. It also states that there is a 90% chance that Az-cz will have some sort of difficult final match scenario in order to advance as they have the past two cups and 88% likely as before to have everything break their way again.”

“Hmm too bad, the gnomes are proving to be most troublesome, someone needs to get them out of the cup. Have you begun surveillance?”

“Yes sir, the first satellites were relocated yesterday to give us maximum coverage of their practices. I still think it is too early to make such a move though sir.” Jones cautiously disagreed.

“Maybe, but I’ll be damned if they ‘three-peat’ and ruin our chances to deal with these NOCCRO nutbags once and for all.” Smith said angrily.

“Very well sir.”

Elves Security Forces

20-02-2008, 17:31

Great Leader Tobias Raynor, once a international footballer himself, let out a little grin as the referee whistled full time and the Valanora emerged deserved victors in their opening match. In truth, it was a rather drab affair, espicially considering Webber had preached attacking flair as a reason for him to get the job over the elustrious Titenburg. It seemed that after those two quick goals in the opening thirty minutes, the players were content enough to toy around playing keep away from Bostopia. Tobias really didn't mind too much, it would of been something he would have done if he were still lacing up his poots and mixing it up on the pitch. No, Tobias was quite content with the result, provided no hiccups were to come up against Kura-Pelland in four days time. What worried Tobias was the fact that the Kura-Pelland and Bostopia supporters were not out in full force and a full three thousand seats were left unfilled for the afternoon's two matches. A few hundred at a venue like Longview or Gladerial he could understand, those were massive stadiums and constantly filling them up, even in a World Cup match, could be troublesome. But this was the Hatire Memorial for Elune's sake, THE national team stadium, and they were the number two team in the world. Sitting to his right in the suite was Elran Tridaid, head of the Valanora Footballing Association.

"Tell me Elran, why could it be that the matches are not sold out? What possible rational reason do you have for seats being empty? I remember when I was playing, we always played in front of sold out stadia. So why is it that in this most prestiegious of events do we have not a few hundred, but a few thousand empty seats for all of the nation and world to see? This is a worldwide broadcast and I'm darn embarrased to have soo many empty seats for the World Cup opener."

"Well Patriarch, it could be because of Kura-Pelland. If I read their newspapers right, some of their supporters are quite upset about having to play a match on the same pitch just hours after the other match. They also don't like the idea that the final matchday fixtures wont be going on at the same time, and I have to say I agree with them. As a result a number of supporters claimed they might not even travel to our country, and only go see matches in the UCS."

"If that's the case, just give out more of the tickets to the general public then. I do not want a repeat of this scene for the rest of the tournament, understand?"

"But sir, the tickets were distrubuted amongst the qualified nations a month ago, there's nothing we can do if they decide not to show up."

"Print duplicates, let fans in for free, do something Elran. This is the freaking WOLRD CUP, we will put on a good show or else!!!"

"... Should I be looking to update my resume soon then?"

"That entirely depends upon your ability to fill the stadiums now doesn't it."

Demot

20-02-2008, 17:57

Thoril was unnerved by the notion of having to give his spirit away in order to bring back his family. Yet his alternatives did not seem to be very realalistic in happening, what with the High Priestess not even giving the slightest hint as to where this elixer might be, nor the missing piece of the staff. So Thoril returned back to the squad who had finished out qualifying for the Wolrd Cup withouth him, and had been drawn into Valanora due to some dispute between the SLANI federation and the DFA over Julius. He didn't quite understand it, nor did it really matter to him. His goal right now was to simply make the toughest decision in his life and hope that he could live with whatever consequences they would unfold as a result of it. The priests and priestess at the Temple didn't make much fuss when he left, so he was completely surprised when he found the one called Alexa waiting in his hotel room after the squad had drew with Starblaydia.

"Oh, I'm soo glad I found you Thoril. The High Priestess told me of your conversation with her, and about the choices she gave you. I was quite upset when she mentioned that she intentionally forgot to mention the location of the elven elixer nor the missing piece of staff of Rundron. It was clear to me that she was trying to force you into handing over your soul, something that ought to be a choice and only for heros. So I decided to come and help you out."

"And how can you help me Alexa? Wouldn't you be betraying your beliefs by telling me the information when the High Priestess wouldn't."

"I do not answer to the High Priestess alone, she is not a godess nor does she deserve absolute obiedance. She is elven like all of us, and is prone to her pride, thus I am not betraying Elune by telling you information that is clear to me that she wants you to know.

Now the elixer of elven kind is quite easy to find, I gave you a small vial of it to help heal your wounds when you were at the temple. Unfortunately in my rush to come to you, I forgot to make sure I had some on me. Yet if you got to the White Tree in Gladerial and can somehow sneak past the security and steal sap from the holy tree, you will have the elixer. You merely need to mix the sap with some white wine and let it mix for three days for it to be complete. Now at the same place is your artifact, it's stuck in a groove of the tree trunk, as if it was hammered into the tree itself. Retrieving that will be quite a chore, but the choice is yours to make Thoril. I wish you luck, and want you to know that Elune will always be looking down upon you from the Gray Havens."

As Alexa departed just as quickly as she had appeared, Thoril now had a much better idea on how to handle his situation. Yet what he remembered about the White Tree disturbed him. A museum had been built around it, and it was never left unguarded for more than a few minutes. He also knew that if he was caught defacing the tree in any fashion, his lifeline would likely be cut quite short.

But it's a risk I've got to take. I just can't have come this far and turn around because of the danger. Horagian and Isalla deserve that much from me.

Candelaria And Marquez

20-02-2008, 18:19

It was hard to make out his face, two cheerless old eyes poking out from a mass of facial hair below and the battered helmet above. A seemingly endless supply of pigtails – though the term failed to do them justice – streamed over a fin’ly wroooght gromril bristpleet, apparently, but faltered once they’d reached a stomach of epic proportions. He probably had legs, but they were hidden under the bar.

He made an expansive gesture with his tankard, the sloshing of the beer inside it contrasting pleasingly with the jangling coming from the recesses of his beard. Shelley never did quite discover whether his impromptu drinking companion had bells under there.

“Yeh see,” the dwarf was saying at the fairly random point at which we entered this scene, “Yer gam against th’ gnomes, reit, was sae open it coods hae bin fife aw, ne’er min’ wun each! Whaur as, against Demot, ye’ll hae tae pressure them, ye see? Kick them, squeeze them, dinnae lit them gie oan th’ baa.”

The boy nodded in agreement. The dwarf gave him a drunken stare before swivelling in his chair and lunging dramatically for the plastic condiment containers on the table in front of them. He brandished the pepper pot. “Noo thes, reit, is yer man Fu, reit? Wrang coloor, but ye kin whit Ah’m sayin’. Whaur as thes, reit,” he continued, pouncing on the salt shaker, “Thes is yer elf, Forgedawn. Ye’ll hae tae mark hem ay th’ gam, otherwaise yeh rull scrud.”

“Uh… Yes. Quite so.”

“Coz he’n an elf, Grungi buck hem, but he’s a bludy guid striker!”

Shelley flinched as the dwarf flourished the salt shaker in his general direction.

“Ah dah ken wa Ah’m tellin’ ye thes, min’ ye. We need ye tae lose. Ah hink...” He steadied himself and fixed a beady eye on the pale young man opposite. “Whit ur ye lookin’ at, boy? In mah day we respected uir elders.”

“Yeah…” Shelley replied darkly. Any attempt at a further reply however was interrupted by the sudden slamming open of the saloon doors. A tall, dark figure strode in and cast his gaze around the bar. After some time, his eyes hit upon Shelley.

“Hi! There you are! You’re one of ours, aren’t you? I saw you on the plane. I never forget a face. Peter, isn’t it?”

“Shelley.”

“I do forget a name though, apparen… Shelley? Really?”

“Perfectly reasonable name out west. Who’re you?”

“Hm? Oh, Lyndon Hernández, Ministry of… Health. Yes. Come to point out that it’d probably be a good idea if you stepped away from that dw… uh, short, angry man.”

“MAN??? Aam a Dwarf, ye yoong rockit, ur mah nam isnae Kazador Brokki Drakkiborgo!”

“Uhm… Is it?”

“That’s what he said earlier,” Shelley added helpfully. “He’s not doing any harm, Mr Hernández. And I’ve had me jabs.”

“Yes, but he hasn’t Shell, can I call you Shell? You don’t know what you might catch from him. It’d be much safer back at the hotel with the others, don’t you think?”

“Why would he need jabs though? He’s a local, isn’t he? One of the actors. A bit caught up in his role if you ask me, but… Although, he seems to think he’s Starblaydi, but they can’t have endemic non-neuro–”

“No, that’s quite true,” Hernández said hurriedly. “Although it really is very common over in the AO. But I expect he’s just bladdered.”

“Mm. That’ll be it,” Shelley said sweetly. “You couldn’t show me the way back to the hotel, Mr Hernández? To tell you the truth, I’m a wee bit worse for wear myself.”

Hernández nodded enthusiastically, and practically dragged the boy away from the cursing dwarf, out of the bar and into the streets of Longview. Shelley let himself be pulled by one arm; the other hand remaining thrust its relevant pocket. He fingered the scrap of paper that the dwarf had given him, that the gnome had given him, that the elf had given her, that the man had given him; and pondered his options.

***

“… through the grand inter-species consciousness – not that there are any such things as specieses, of course, it’s a construct of the western capitalist one world order – and they’ve been known to come together in great masses, millions of them, and lift human beings out of danger! It’s quite remarkable. I’ve never seen them; of course they don’t come to the Candelarias because of the dominance of the Wandy, but–”

“The who?”

“The Wandy. The shapeshifting walruses that control human civilization. Not that they may even appear as fleshforms, of course. Consciousness cannot be contained. You only have to look at the shadow beings. Physicality is but a constraining idea… But we don’t really do that until week twenty-three. I haven’t really started my crystal transition, yet.”

“These, um, shadow beings… These are the ones that lift humans out of danger…?”

“No! That’s the compassionate ants; we’ve been all through this already. Of course, I can’t expect you to understand. You haven’t been touched by the obsidian angels yet. But it will come, Tony. I believe in you. Your heart is open to spiritual change now. Tell me, have you ever seen a tulpa?”

Tony Darkweaver had wrestled white lions in Victoria, Julaniem in Tavaroth and flightless hippos in Sirocco. He’d walked across the Great Nanbrooze Desert in seventeen years flat. He’d tamed a giana, spurned a neried, stolen children with a salvanel and brutally murdered a leprechaun. He’d overthrown seventeen governments. He’d been to Hell, and found it a tad chilly, and slaughtered ten thousand daemons. On one occasion, when he’d been feeling particularly brave, he’d experimentally tried the wares of Mehmet & Sarigiannidis All-Candelarian Kebabs of Songstress, Albrecht, Candelaria, which he regretted above all things but it was still an experience to add to his CV. But never in all his centuries had he dealt with a Sarah Pickering before.

He hadn’t meant to let her join his little quest. He’d merely tried to warn her, in a rare spirit of thoughtfulness, that there was a good chance she was questioning her way into an early grave. But somehow, and Tony really didn’t have much of a clue as to how, she’d got the idea in her head that this was all some sort of game. He didn’t have the heart to shatter her world. Plus, he thought miserably, if the worst came to the worst she’d make a rather decent shield.

Besides, she was rather fascinating, in small doses. Tony had never met a human from a pre-civilized country before who knew so much about the true nature of things, and all of it wrong. It would be difficult to be more wrong without doing it on purpose, but she believed every word. Tony longed to meet her Mr. Jonathan and shake him by the hand, or at least run a sword through his spleen, whichever seemed more appropriate at the time.

“Tony… I don’t mean to complain, I know I haven’t actually paid for this. I thought it was complimentary. But, um, are we going to be doing anything soon? I know there’s only two of us, but I thought maybe we could fight the hideous Fimir Lord Diaarch and the po’an’do at the Tower of Findecáno Súrion…”

“Yeah, we’re not going to be doing that.”

“Oh. Are we going to Monaven, then? That’s where Popo Grubb and Mungo Bunce being captured by the Skrak’li’ka was filmed, wasn’t it?”

“What are you on about, woman?”

“I have to say, I think Oliver Corallino would be rolling in his grave if he knew of some of the rip-off merchants that had leached upon his creation. Am I going to be “living the Rethshaar experience” or aren’t I? We’ve been travelling for hours, and you’re not even speaking properly! Come on man, you’re supposed to be an elf! Elf me!”

Tony sighed as only a nine-hundred-year-old elf can. “You allow your tongue to run away with you, my lady. Notice the Mark of Panettiere upon the ground. It is the marker we have been searching for!”

“And about time! I don’t remember this bit though. Ooh, is this from the sequel? Am I getting a sneak preview? So. Ahem. What is our next step, my lord?”

“We waiteth, fair humanthing.”

“Ah… How long for, O wise elf?”

“Until I say so. Now shuddup a tic, I’m trying to listen…”

***

Tom Redway, the every-now-and-again-when-there’s-an-injury C&M defender, was exhausted. And very happy and very angry, which was a difficult concoction for a young man at the best of times but positively lethal when you were also absent-mindedly watching the pulsating bosomage of an attractive young gnome at the same time.

“Hey you,” Ma-Gl said dreamily as she met his gaze.

“Hey yourself,” he replied, as per the usual convention for this sort of thing.

“One one-hundredth of ex-gx for ‘em?” she asked in concern.

“Oh, I… It just pisses me off, y’know? I mean, here we are…” He gestured around the hotel room and the bed. “Coming off the back of us, y’know, drawing with your people, getting a late goal, purely because Donnelly – who, by the way, has just completely lost the plot because we, like, had nothing out there, we didn’t have a clue what we were doing, no idea how we were supposed to play against them, we hadn’t even watched videos or anything, we–”

“Tom…”

“Sorry, yeah. Purely; because he’s there on the sideline shouting ‘Go on, Matty, sock it to those stunted little freaks’. He talks, I mean they all talk, like you’re not even people…”

“Well, technically…”

“You know what I mean.”

“They’re just being what they are, Tom. Uneducated humans. I’m sure they’re harmless. Although I don’t suppose they’d react well to knowing you’ve got a gnome in your room.”

“Shhh… You don’t want them to hear you… Benji’s only next door.”

“Well I wish you’d told me that earlier,” Ma-Gl grinned. “I was making one hell of a racket…”

“That? Oh, footballers on tour,” Tom told her playfully. “That’s normal.”

“That was hardly normal,” the gnome giggled contentedly.

“No…” Tom conceded. That was right enough. Once you went gnome, you never went home. “Listen, I’ve been thinking,” he continued. “What i–”

The defender was interrupted by a loud knock. The lovers shared a panicked look and Ma-Gl dived under the covers while Tom jumped up, showing a rather unnecessary amount of bottom as far as I’m concerned, flung on a dressing gown and pulled open the door.

Rather than Benji Fu (room 378a) or Mars Douyadari (room 378c) as he had been expecting, the visitor was a thin, pale and, if one was in to that sort of thing, excruciatingly pretty young boy of late teenage years. He smiled warmly. “Tom Redway?”

“Yes…”

“Hi. I’m doing a school project. Tell me,” the boy said, poking his head around the door, “Are you currently, not currently currently, obviously, that’d be silly, but are you currently shagging a young lady of, how shall I put this delicately, gnomish persuasion?”

Tom swallowed thoughtfully. “If I was, would you hold it against me?”

“Not unless you’d had a shower first. Those gnomes have… habbits.”

They regarded each other impassively for twenty seconds before the visitor suddenly burst back into life.

“Ha! Sorry, I made a weak quip and then forgot to continue talking. I do that sometimes. My name’s Shelley Heffernan. Thomas Damian Redway – How would you like to change the world?”

Casari

20-02-2008, 23:33

Hill was cursing quietly at the television, sitting on the bed and losing quite badly at a game of Stickball VI, losing by a full thirty runs towards the end of the 3rd inning. "Damnit, why won't you catch the ball?" she muttered.

"Hill, shouldn't you be coming up with a match strategy?" Danialson, sticking his head in the room after a particularly angry explosion of curses.

"I got one, we put the ball in the net."

"That's not exactly that in depth, you know."

"Well, why exactly does everyone want one now? We've done extremely well before without any, we just showed up and played. So, I figured, in my near infinite wisdom, we'd go out there and play the game, and that would get us through."

"What's not in your near-infinate wisdom?"

"How to play this damn game, seemingly." She muttered as her side was dismissed again, a full 27 runs behind after three innings.

"Well, that's why you play soccer, supposedly. What other games did you bring?"

"Oh, we brought a bunch." Hill said. "Dig through it if you want, it's a pleasant distraction."

"The hotel said if we opened the window we'd get kicked out, huh?"

"Not just our room, everyone's room."

"And I see the attempts to put a hole in the glass didn't go well either."

"That never happened, you know."

"Ah, yes, right, sorry... How'd you plug that into the back of the TV?"

"We have ways."

"... Right. Anyway, try to have some idea what we're going to do, ok?"

"Damnit!"

"Hill?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, sheesh. Everyone's so whiny."

Daehanjeiguk

21-02-2008, 00:30

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

皇 - Son, we need to talk.

皇太子 - Alright, about what?

皇 - Let's not play the guessing game. I know about you. And I'm personally very ashamed at you.

皇太子 - About what?

皇 - I'm not going to play this game, son. You are to stop having this sort of a relationship!

皇太子 - Relationship? She's a concubine!

皇 - She?

皇太子 - *awkward pose* You thought I was gay?

皇 - I heard the servant saying you were having... something with another man.

皇太子 - Nope. Never did, and probably never will. Why are you so uptight about gay people now?

皇 - Oh... no reason. Just keep your crickets safe tonight.

皇太子 - Alright, Dad...

===================

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

IC real

It was about time for the game to start, when the players finally emerged from the doo pile. Sifu Lang was busily sleeping on his staff when the players all surrounded him. "Ah, so you have moved the mountain?"

"Yeah, we'll move more than mountains tonight too. Who said that the showers were broken?"

Sifu Lang laughed at that. "It's pretty funny you see because I told the SLANIs that you had not paid your water..."

"You have to pay for your water? That's ridiculous!"

"I know. But it makes the thing more interesting. I told them that you were paying everyone in the hotel."

"That's a lie!"

"Now it isn't."

"You're just out here to get us all in trouble, aren't you?"

Sifu Lang sighed. "Haven't you yet learned the truth? Now hurry up and get dressed into your uniforms. The game starts in half and hour!"

Goal Scorers:

1 - Jeong Jihun, Hong Myeongbo

Adihan

21-02-2008, 03:45

POINT OF VIEW
So we're here. What now?

By DAVEY THOMSON
Football Columnist

We actually made it. Okay, so it took a dubious penalty, but we made it. Now, I should be fuming about that match. And I am. How the Sel Appans think they can get away with anything even remotely as stupid as this is beyond me. But Sel Appans are now very much unwelcome in Ad'ihan and probably will never be. To the three currently held – Cotteur, Huntch, Rno – I hope you get found guilty and are held to the highest order of the law here. Many Ad'ihanis do not want them freed back to Sel Appa, and for good reason.

On to the football, then. The boys, now in the Unified Capitalist States, won their first match against our good friends and World Cup 37 cohosts Novapsolu, with a solid 2-0 win at the Capitalizm in ’Yupo, Sokojito. Anthony Jones, making his first international start to earn his seventh cap, celebrated it – and his recent move to Vephrese team Stithers – with a fine finish.

I have to say, in all my years covering Ad'ihani football that may well have been the best celebration of a goal I've ever seen. Nothing outlandish or outrageous but full of passion, as Jones raced around the perimeter of the pitch in lap-of-honour style. Stithers really have got a good player on their hands, and Olympique Protectorat have lost a bright star.

The second goal was a tad lucky, with the always-reliable Julian D'Abbo in the right place at the right time to poke the ball past the hapless, bumbling Novapsolan keeper. And that was the weirdest – nay, it's just not describable – celebration that followed. It's probably best that I not describe it in a family newspaper; you just had to be watching to know what I mean (I gather the TV networks will cut the celebration out. For good reason, too.) D'Abbo will be lucky to escape with a fine from the AFF for that.

What about the other team I'd been keeping an eye on? Starblaydia, that is. They, too, somehow qualified for the finals, and obtained a very respectable 1-1 draw against world powerhouses Demot. What I'd give for a Starblaydia–Ad'ihan match...

So, what now, you ask? We've got a real chance of qualifying for the next round now. All it would take, really, is a win over Quakmybush, who we play next. After that, it's anyone's guess, but the boys are doing the islands proud.

Davey Thomson has been Radio Ad'ihan International's Chief Football Correspondent for the last 14 years and has covered the entirety of Ad'ihan's football history. For the World Cup, Davey's columns for the Islands Daily will be found online only, at www.islandsdaily.co.an.

Elves Security Forces

21-02-2008, 03:48

UCS Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13469693#post13469693)

Valanora Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13469704#post13469704)

Qazox

21-02-2008, 04:51

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

MATCH 2: @ Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan
Cafundeu 1
QAZOX 0

Defensively, Qazox is not doing anything wrong this World Cup, allowing less than a goal a game in the qualifers, and only 2 goals in the Cup itself. But the offense has been lacking, and for the second straight match, Qazox found itself on the wrong end of a 0-1 score, this time to Cafundeu on a goal by Fabrício in the 77th minute of play. The loss however, hasn't eliminated the Phoenix just yet, as they still have a chance, if they defeat the hosts, Capitalizt SLANI by 2 goals or more and Cafundeu beats Casari.

But that's the rub, Capitalizt SLANI is one of the better defensive teams in the world and Qazox seemingly can't find the net to save their lives. Unfortunately, I believe that Qazox will finally score a goal, but not enough to win or advance.

SUMMARY:
Cafundeu: Fabrício(Goal- 77')

PHEONIX GOALS
Tarricone- 7
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 2

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-4 (missed Both the 1st E.I. Game and the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

QUALIFYING SENARIOS:
Group A
Cafundeu: Clinches group with win or draw. Clinches R16 berth with a Qazox win or draw over Capitalizt SLANI.
Capitalizt SLANI: Clinches group with a win and a Cafundeu Loss, in which SLANI has the better GD over Casari and Cafundeu. Clinches R16 berth with a win and either a Casari loss or draw.
Casari: Clinches Group with a 2 or more goal win and a Capitalizt SLANI loss, draw or win by 1 goal fewer than Casari wins by. Clinches R16 berth with win and SLANI loss or draw or a draw and a SLANI loss or draw, where Casari scores 2 more goals than SLANi does.
Qazox: Can clinch R16 berth with a 2 or more goal win and a Cafundeu win over Casari.

Other Group Qualifying senarios will be posted later.

Jeruselem

21-02-2008, 06:04

Jeruselem Government News

Anti-Semitic idiots ruin a good day

Group F, somehow - two Jewbee teams (Milchama and Jeruselem), an Orthodox team (The Archregimancy) and a team with Pagans (Veprall) got lumped together.

No issues with religion on Match Day 1 apart from people arguing if our Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas is actually Jewish or not. Our quarter Jewish Princess certainly got a few new fans with Jewish schoolgirls approving of Jacinta even if she was illegimate.

Jeruselem played Veprall in a must win game after Jeruselem lost to fellow Jewbees Milchama. Veprall have 1 point but that's not going to ensure a spot in the next round. Veprall face Milchama in the last game. Both teams needed a win.

The Monks had to take on Maggie and Milchama with their legion of Jewish supporters as well as their rubber chicken antics. The Monks faced the same Milchama which scored five goals against Jeruselem.

Would have been a great day for football but for some idiots who decided to ruin it. Anti-Semitic w**kers posing as Jeruselem football fans booed and threw rubbish at Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas. Security soon closed and shielded the poor Princess away from these idiots.

Stadium security closed on these people but they didn't have to fear security people. Kara Kool got quite upset by these people upsetting Jacinta and they got a quite blast. She basically told them where to stick their Anti-Semitic ideas in none-to-subtle terms.

Kara Kool later said "You know, me and Jacinta might seem different kind people but she's a fellow Jew like me. She's really annoying but she's still my friend. It's like the Dazza Dallas and Rachel Kool relationship, instead it's the Jacinta Dallas and Kara Kool one. We annoy each other but we actually care for each other. Skate was annoying too but she has a nasty temper like I do so I didn't like hassling her too much. I think Jacinta will sit down and cry, but if they did the same to Skate ... them idiots would line up for an execution."

After all this drama, there was football going on too! Jeruselem scored a rather narrow 1-0 win over Veprall. Despite the best efforts of Kara Kool and fellow strikers, Veprall held firm for most of the game. The game dragged on with Jeruselem failing to score the killer goal needed and it looked like Veprall would get something out of this game.

The goal came from the midfielder Mary Magary who hotfooted in a spilt ball after Kara Kool banged on a shot on goal which smacked the keeper in the head.

Milchama rubber-chickened The Archregimancy to defeat with a an easy 3–1 win. It wasn't quite the goalfest but our fellow Jewbees did us a big favour with this win.

Hikfie's Bostopia fell to Northern Bettia 2-3 and are now eliminated after a previous loss. Dazza's Ariddia win again sealing their place in the next round beating Novapsolu 2-0.

And to round things off, Queen Skate's Qazox fouled up again losing 0-1 to Cafundeu. Well, Qazox can make it but first they must win well and hope Casari lose their game.

Jeruselem hold 2nd spot in Group F with the win.

Group F P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Milchama 2 2 0 0 8 4 +4 6 Q
2 Jeruselem 2 1 0 1 4 5 −1 3
3 Vephrall 2 0 1 1 1 2 −1 1
4 The Archregimancy 2 0 1 1 2 4 −2 1

Milchama will make it. Veprall need to win as well as the Monks as Jeruselem have 3 points and not 2. Jeruselem cannot afford a loss to the Monks next game as that would put the Monks ahead. Veprall can make but they need to beat Milchama and hope Jeruselem draw with the Monks.

It's simple here, if we win - we make it. If we draw and Milchama win, we make it.

OOC - Error fixed, misread

Qazox

21-02-2008, 06:54

(ooc: Jeruselem, I lost to Cafundeu, not Northern Bettia ;) )

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE
Qualifying Senarios

(Please note that there maybe other senarios than the ones listed here, but these are the most likely senarios)

GROUP B:
All four teams can clinch 2nd round berth with a win.
IF all four teams finish 1-1-1 (meaning they all drew each other on MD3) then Bazalonia wins group on GD, and Daehanjeiguk advances due to Goals Scored.
The senarios for each team winning the group involve a win by one of the four teams and a draw in the other group match.

GROUP C:
Ariddia and Ad’ihan have both clinched 2nd round berths. Winner of their match wins the group, while a draw will see Ariddia win the group.

GROUP D:
Yafor 2: Needs a win to clinch group or a draw and a Sorthern Northland loss/draw. Can clinch 2nd round berth with a draw or a Sorthern Northland loss by exactly one goal to the Holy Empire and Yafor 2 scores more goals than the Holy Empire does.

Sorthern Northland: Clinches group with win and a Yafor 2 loss/draw, if Zwangzug does not outscore SN. Clinches 2nd round berth with either a win, a draw and a Yafor 2-Zwangzug draw.

Zwangzug: Clinches group with a win and a Sorthern Northland loss/draw. Clinches 2nd round berth with a win or a draw and a Sorthern Northland loss by exactly 1 goal to the Holy Empire.

The Holy Empire: Clinches group with a win by 2 or more goals and a Yafor 2- Zwangzug draw. Clinches 2nd round berth with a win and a Yafor 2- Zwangzug draw, or a win and a Yafor 2 win or a win and a Zwangzug win by 2 or more goals.

GROUP E
Valenora: Has clinched 2nd round berth. Clinches group with a win or draw.

Northern Bettia: Can clinch group with a win. Clinches 2nd round berth with a draw or a Bostopia win over Kura-Pelland.

Kura-Pelland: Can clinch 2nd round berth with a win by 2 or more goals and a Northern Bettia loss by 2 or more goals.

GROUP F
Milchama: Has clinched 2nd round berth. Clinches group with a win or draw.

Jeruselem: Clinches 2nd ground berth with a win or a draw and a Vephrall loss or draw. Can theoretically clinch group with a win by and Milchama loss, in which Jeruselem passes Milchama in GD.

Vephrall: Clinches 2nd round berth with a win and a Jeruselem draw or a win and an Archregimancy win by fewer goals than Vephrall wins by.

Archregimancy: Clinches 2nd round berth with a win and a Vephrall loss or draw or a win and a Vephrall win by fewer goals than Archregimancy wins by.

GROUP G
Az-cz and Candlearia And Marquez clinch 2nd round berths with wins or draws. If either team wins and the other draws, the team that wins its match will win the group, if not, then tie-breakers will be used to determine group winner.

Demot and Starblaydia both need to win by at least 2 goals to clinch 2nd round berths. If one of the two win and the other draws/loses, then the team that wins will clinch a 2nd round berth, only if they win by 2 or more goals.

IF Demot and Starblaydia each win by only one goal, then all four teams will be 1-1-1 and the hosts will determine who advances (as all tie breakers will be even amongst the 4 teams.)

GROUP H
Squornshelous: Clinches group with a win and either a Bettia loss or draw or a Bettia win by fewer goals than Sqournshelous. Clinches 2nd round berth with a win or draw and a Bettia loss or draw.

Bettia: Clinches group with a win and either a Sqournshelous loss, draw or win by 3 fewer goals than Bettia wins by. Clinches 2nd round berth with a win or a draw and a Oliverry loss/draw.

Oliverry: Clinches group with a win over Sqournshelous and a Bettia draw or loss. Clinches 2nd round berth with a win or a draw and a Bettia loss by 2 or more goals.

Ariddia

21-02-2008, 09:54

Advance Ariddia!

Communism triumphant in Capitalizm stadium! Or so it seemed, no doubt, to part of the spectators. Ariddia has always drawn to itself foreign fans who appear to support it for primarily ideological reasons, and they could be seen flying red flags in 유포 today.

The Rouge-et-Noirs played a steady game for their second group stage match, the outcome of which was rarely subject to much doubt. Marek Petras sent the ball sailing into the net in the twenty-ninth minute, and Aa Senecky gave the Rouge-et-Noirs their decisive lead in the seventy-sixth, following a well-aimed corner kick from Si Ewe.

With two straight victories, the Ariddians have earned a spot among the top sixteen.

“A lot of the pressure’s off us now, for the next match,” Jeremy Isaacs said. “We can play it serenely, try a few tactics, take risks, maybe increase our confidence.” Not that it particularly seems to need increasing.

The Ariddian Isles are one of four teams to have secured a spot in the next round, along with Ad’ihan, Valanora and Milchama.

“I don’t know what exactly we should expect from the Ad’ihan match, to be honest,” Isaacs said, as his country now prepares for an encounter with a fellow qualified team. “Of course we’re going to play it to win. But I don’t know what the Ad’ihan side’s mindset will be. Whether they’ll be fielding their usual team, or what.”

One of the Rouge-et-Noirs’ main strengths would still appear to be its goalkeeper, the bulky “Flying Mountain” Jarl Knudsen. Although he has conceded a potentially worrying five goals over the past four games, in the previous thirteen matches the Rouge-et-Noirs conceded only seven (of which five let in by Knudsen).

But as the swift-footed giant himself points out, “It’s not going to get any easier now.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 2-0 Novapsolu http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/novapsolu.png

Jeruselem

21-02-2008, 14:19

The Jewish Herald

The Sad Tale of a Mother

About 50 years ago, a Jewish girl was found dead in a park. Sarah Stikstein had commited suicide and taken her own life. She died alone.

At the time she was talented natural singer and a new mother, with a lot to live for. Unfortunately, her only son was created from an extra-martial relationship and not her husband. Despiter her vain attempts to keep her son, the family forced her give up her new son for adoption to another family in an effort to hide the shame.

Her husband was rarely around and when he was, he was only interested in her being the good wife around the house. She didn't pick her husband, and in the end it was not good match. Sarah wanted to become a great singer and travel the world. She had the raw talent to do but the family decide it was not in her own interests. The family was from a strict Orthordox Jewish background where the freewilled women were not to be tolerated.

With her husband not being around, Sarah started another relationship to cure the boredom at home. She wanted attention as young women do. Soon a child was byproduct of this and things seemed alright at home. But the family worked out, the child was not from the father and the poor boy become unwanted. Against her will, she was torn from her son who was adopted out.

Sarah never recovered from the loss of her son and become depressed. Eventually the loss become too much and she took her own life. Mothers invest their life into their childen, there was nothing left for Sarah.

Even when Sarah was a young girl, she wasn't like the other Jewish girls. She was always a little too questioning of authority and didn't take every word as truth. She liked to entertain with her voice and being a center of attention. This clashed with her family background and they made sure she didn't get too far with her dreams of stardom.

This sounds like it could be anyone, but this one has relevance. The boy adopted out didn't know if this real mother. Rasmuffin Stickus grew up with his foster parents and joined the army. He proved to be quite a useless soldier so they stuck him their first army football team - Jeru FC. He left Jeru FC later to become the official bodyguard to the Jeruselem World Cup team, retiring from that position after World Cup 38.

During his football career, he met one Dazza Dallas who he somehow got pregnant producing Jacinta Sasha Dallas who was born in Ariddia. He never knew his mother until now, and it's sad to she never got reunited with her son.

The Jewish Herald has obtained images of Sarah Stikstein, who died at age 20. We have looked at Jacinta and her mother Dazza, and while there are similarities - there is a lot of differences between them. Kate Dallas looks a lot like Dazza, but Jacinta seems different.

We compared Jacinta Dallas to Sarah Stikstein at similar ages. There's an eerie similarity between the two in appearance apart from the physical features attributed to Dazza Dallas in Jacinta.

Jacinta Dallas is living the life that Sarah Stikstein wanted, and she's even got the right type of man in Flak Sho who seems me much more interested in his partner. Poor Sarah died a few years after being torn from her son but she's not dead. Maybe she's come back as Jacinta Dallas.

So if you see Jacinta Dallas on TV, please think of her unfortunate grandmother Sarah Stikstein who died young, too young. Sarah would be happy her granddaughter is finally achieving the dreams she had if she was alive but sadly, she never lived long enough. At least her offspring are a lot happier than she was.

Bostopia

21-02-2008, 14:24

---Heartwick House, Fort Boston---

A female spokeswoman steps out of F.A. headquarters, facing the gathered press outside.

"Following the National Teams elimination from the World Cup in the U.C.S. and Valanora, the the Football Association wishes to make no comment on the position of Kelly Firth or any other staff member of the Bostopian National Team. A full statement will be released in the coming hours."

The press shout questions toward the spokeswoman, who replies once with "The F.A. wishes to make no furthur comment." She then goes back into the building, and the press either depart or prepare their cameras for a live broadcast to various news channels.

Gweridijongya

21-02-2008, 17:12

"ATTN: NationStates World Cup Committee

We were recently informed of a recent penalty that was imposed on the Futbol-Gwerididowei (Gweridijongya football team) due to a supposed absence of activity from our nation.

We would like to make known to the committee that our nation had recently held the Yuweh-Yende celebrations - a month long holiday commemorating the nation's independence.

We apologise for failing to inform the relevant authorities of this absence which might have given the impression that the nation had disappeared for no reason.

We hope that the relevant parties might remove this penalty upon the Futbol-Gwerididowei so that they may be able to perform at their best during this occasion and any future events.

Regards

The Gweri Ministry of Sport and Entertainment"

Secretary: You think that might work?

Minister: Should be good enough. Why? You think that they would believe the actual truth? Even I can't believe it.

Secretary: True.... I will send this right away.

-------------

Well, essentially the message is, I forgot to put the nation on "Vacation Mode" while I was on well.. vacation.. the point is, we are still here.
Yes, I know Gweridijongya is out of the running, but every KPB point counts right?

Wentland

21-02-2008, 22:24

Rach Horne called the girls into a huddle before Tynelia kicked off the second half. The team-talk from Norman Hacker seemed to consist of him making lascivious observations with the tracksuited men and throwing peanuts at Katie Barnfield. So Horne took matters into her own hands.

"Look, it's obvious Hacker doesn't want us to win...he'll be stuck with us...we've not been given a chance throughout, we're playing with a goalie up front, we're against the best team in the group, they reckon they're gonna beat us...they battered us in the first half...so it's time for us to stick together. All for one...we can DO it...let's shove it back in Hacker's face!!!"

"Yeahhh!!!!"

"And concentrate on their birds...they don't like it up 'em..."

The second half proceeded like the first. Wentland put in a sterling defence as wave after wave of Tynelia attack pounded down on the goal. Fortunately Kirsten Cassidy was in mesmeric form. A double save from Dalton, then MacDougal beat her only for Lisa Clark (back helping the defence) sticking to her habitual goal-line. Dalton then hit the bar and a huge penalty shout was turned down as substitute Lynn was booked for diving.

It was with three minutes to go that it happened. Cassidy caught a cross and rather than holding on to it as she had before launched a massive up-and-under up the field to the lone striker Barnfield. She was second favourite to reach it but Stossels' attempt to head back to the goalkeeper was left short. Barnfield stormed past him and just beat Ellis to toe-poke it past her. The ball trundled towards the goal as Barnfield, Ellis and Stossels ended up in a heap.

And came back off the post.

All three were up and charging for the ball and Stossels in blind panic pulled Barnfield's shirt. The striker collapsed - a dive or sheer tiredness? - and referee Mint pointed to the spot.

"So who wants it then?"

Rach Horne grinned at her team. She knew this was a captain's responsibility and she wasn't going to shirk it.

She placed the ball on the spot, as both sides lined up along the edge of the area. Cassidy at the other end of the pitch turned away, head in hands. Ellis bounced on her line, trying to put the Newchurch defender off. Everyone else watched intently as Horne stepped back, ran her fingers through her hair, wiped her right foot on her left sock.

Run up.

Which way? Left? Right?

Ellis gambled right.

She gambled wrong.

High and middle.

1-0.

The Wentland bench ecstatic. The men, Bert Bridges, the media.

Only Norman Hacker was strangely unmoved. Perhaps worried about losing the lead in the last 180 seconds plus injury?

No need to worry about that. A Hacker side knows how to defend.

The final whistle went and the Wentland players started celebrating. It was Horne who calmed them down. "We've done NOTHING yet. Nothing at all. There's still a game to go...

"Only thing is...Hacker can't drop us now!!!"

No, he couldn't.

Bostopia

21-02-2008, 23:04

---Heartwick House, Fort Boston---

The collection of journalists and presenters outside Heartwick House came to a hush as the spokeswoman stepped out onto the pavement for a second time.

“Thank you all for attending. The Football Association wishes to release a statement, which is what I am about to read to you.

'Following Bostopia's 3 - 2 loss to Northern Bettia,'”

However, at about the same time as the spokeswoman stepped out...

---Station Five-Seven-Four, near Tolling, Monham State---

A station operator cursed under his breath, grabbing the phone and dialing '3221', connecting him to the central police station in Fort Boston.

“FBC? Five-Seven-Four. Alert Black, repeat, Alert Black.”

“Understood.” The police officer who answered the phone flicked a switch, which, across Fort Boston, had a certain effect.

---Heartwick House, Fort Boston---

“'the Football Association wishes to announce that Kelly Firth will -'”

Air raid sirens rung out. Across the city, if there was one single thought going through the minds of those out in the open or not in basements, it was probably...

“JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!”

---Basement Level 29, Fort Boston Castle---

“Our spotters suggest they're Han planes, Emperor.”

The Emperor looked toward where the television cameras would have been if there was a film, and spoke as if he was speaking to a particular viewer.

“There's something I have to do!” He turned back toward the military figure. “THE HANS ARE COMING, THE HANS ARE COMING! AHHH!” The Emperor then proceeded to run around the room like a headless chicken, before stopping.

“Well, they could be, Emperor.”

“What do you mean?”

“The planes are indeed Han, but, the markings on the plane are those of Sorthern Northland's.”

“You mean... people will think there is a link between Daehanjeiguk and Sorthern Northland and rumours would begin?”

“Most likely. We picked up this piece of intelligence from an otherwise garbled message.”

If Sorthern Northland successfully drops our crickets over Bostopia and any link is rumored to exist between the Han Empire and the dropping of the crickets, we will categorically deny any involvement and try to clear our name by bombing Sorthern Northland.

“So we just start a rumour and Sorthern Northland gets bombed?”

“I believe so, Emperor.”

“Right. I have a letter to write... wait, how do we know they're dropping crickets, we're on the 29th basement level!”

“...we just do.”

The Emperor picked up a pad of A4 paper and a pen.

“Dear Mr. Leader of Daehanjeiguk
Awfully nice to write to you again. We're being bombed at the moment. Crickets! We're being bombed with crickets! By who, you ask? By who? By Sorthern Northland! With Han planes! Look, you're a wonderful soul, even though you never write back, but that's a bit suspicious. Rumours are starting.

Anyway, speaking of cricket. Last time I played cricket, I streaked. It was hilarious! I ran toward a crowd of my buddies, yelling “streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!”, and... wait... that's common here. I must be confusing myself with someone else. I wonder who he is. I'll bet he's a wonderful chap at any rate.

I wish we weren't being bombed. Although it gives me a great idea! A cricket shoot! Yes! We'll gather up all the crickets and shoot them! Well, that's if the homeless people don't get to them first. Some have been doing rather well after drinking that soup. Some of them have found boxes! Isn't that great?

I'm going to have to go now, we're being bombed by perhaps yourselves or Sorthern Northland. I have no idea. I'll have to go spread rumours on the tele soon!

Regards

Emperor Boston.”

Casari

22-02-2008, 00:18

"Wait, so the dog on the left?" Rollins said to Antari, as both watched a pair of dogs sniffing at a discarded wrapped across the street from the field where the Casaran Team was having a light practice.

"Yeah, doesn't that look a bit like a retriever?"

"No, it doesn't look like a retriever at all. Do you even know anything about do-"

"Will you quit the dog fanciers association meeting and practice?" Hill said, stopping next to them. "Hey, a retriever."

"That's not a retriever, are you guys entirely blind?" Rollins said. "You never had dogs as a kid did you?"

"Nope, we had a pet cat." Hill said.

"I had a turtle." Antari said quietly, suddenly feeling like the third party in the discussion.

"I wanted a pet turtle, but my mom wouldn't let me."

"That's not a retriever." Rollins reiterated.

"Oh please. It looks exactly like one!" Antari said.

"It's too skinny." Rollins countered.

Hill shook her head. "No, it's just a skinny retriever. It's face structure is a dead on match."

"It might be a half-retriever, but otherwise it definitely has to be a skinnier dog."

"It's a street dog, they're always skinny."

"Don't they have dog catchers in the UCS?"

"Well, there's no money in dog catching, unless you can sell them as sub-prime meat."

"But who'd buy it, asian restaruants?" Antari said, watching the dogs head down the street and out of view. "Hey, they're going!"

"Follow them, let's see where they go." Rollins said, about to jump the fence.

Hill sighed. "That's quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm almost astonished you can still breathe."

"Well, occasionally I forget and then remember when everything starts to go black, but that's only once and a while." Rollins said sarcastically.

"Oh, that's great news." Antari said. "Is that why you keep tripping?"

"No, that's these damn shoes, the laces don't stay tied."

"Change the damn things then, you're going to fall on your ass and let someone by, and then they'll score, and you'll have stuff thrown at you as you get off the plane."

"I'll wear a smock, it'll be fine."

Hill stopped. "A smock?"

"What?"

"A smock."

"... yes. Like, a painters one."

"God help us all."

Bazalonia

22-02-2008, 02:47

The screen was just blank...

"We are unable to broadcast today the Bazalonian-Daehanjeiguk match due to technical difficulties, instead we'll show the Tynelia- Bazalonia match instead. Sorry for any inconvenience."

...

"Damnit"

...

Cafundeu

22-02-2008, 03:43

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEGUNDA VITÓRIA SOBRE QAZOX, TIME EM INCRÍVEL FORMA

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/5198/011787054ex00wy7.jpg
Cafundelense supporters in the UCS

The first result of the Cafundelense Seleção in World Cup 39 surprised football experts and increased the hopes of the supporters in a good campaign of the Monopolists. But there are three games in the group stage of the World Cup, and Cafundéu couldn’t go to the next stage with only a win against Capitalizt SLANI. So, it was necessary to continue with the good form in the second game, against Qazox. The opponents did their best to try to get a positive result, and defended well their goal, but Cafundéu had enough patience and football quality to get a deserved win.

Changes and Absences: same team of the first game.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: Qazox, third seeds of the group, team with the curse of the group stage elimination.

THE FIRST HALF: as the team worked well in the game against Capitalizt SLANI and got the three points, the coach Franz Braddock didn’t make a single change in the starting line-up, but decided to concentrate the attacks in the centre for this game, instead of using the wingers. With that, Braddock wanted to see if Da Silva and Neto could lead the team with more goal chances. This wasn’t what happened. In the first minutes, Qazox’s midfield could win most of the ball disputes, and even managed a good attack with Springler, who shot from outside the area. Lauro saved, Tarricone took the rebound and shot, but sent the ball wide. Cafundéu’s first chance was with Da Silva, who headed after a Vergara crossing, but the ball went over the bar.

But Cafundéu’s players are good in adapting themselves to the pace of the game, and started to found the places to attack and the moves to use. Braddock continued shouting, but the team started to work better. Qazox still seemed better for some minutes, but without many attacks. After the thirtieth minute, the Monopolists improved and the game seemed equal, if not with a slight better Cafundéu. In one play, Anormal dribbled two opponents and made an excellent pass to Flecha in the attack. The attacker invaded the area and shot. The goalkeeper didn’t get the ball, but Vidaca appeared to clear the ball over the line. The attacks continued, the game was an average one, it seemed difficult for both teams to score. The first half ended in a goalless draw.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Cafundéu attack): “The teams arrrrre dividing the chances, now it’s Cafundéu with the ball. Ball with Souza, good pass to Anorrrrrmal, who drrrrribbles one opponent. Rrrrrruns to the attack, faces Stasinos, drrrrribbles him too... rrrrreaches the entrrrrrance of the arrrrrrea... pass to Flecha, good position, rrrrready to scorrrrre, shoots... VIDACA! Vidaca destrrrrroys Cafundéu’s goal, the ball was enterrrrring inside the goal, Vidaca saves Qazox! Flecha laments the missed chance, it was rrrrreally a good chance. Appliances for your house, the best brrrrrands available, you find in Casas Guimarrrrrães... we worrrrrk with weddings too, make your gift list in Casas Guimarrrrrães, be surrrrre that our appliances arrrrre of top quality!”

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/1636/quissama005kl6.jpg
Qazoxian players before the game

THE SECOND HALF: the teams needed the victory, and halftime changes were made. In Cafundéu, Fabrício entered to make the team more offensive. In Qazox, two changes were made. And these changes really modified the game. Cafundéu’s attacks seemed even more dangerous, while Qazox’s entering in the second half making different moves to try to score the goal. In one of them, Farmwald received the ball near the area from Shillingford and dribbled Eduardo Monte. Lauro left the goal to block Farmwald, obligating the Qazoxian player to shoot and send the ball over the bar.

Cafundéu reacted well and fast. An Anormal shot hits the post, a Flecha attack ended in a good Scheppe save. Da Silva made a marvelous pass to Ferreira, but he was blocked by Vidaca. Both teams were playing very well, and the supporters were expecting for a goal. And the goal came, after more than thirty minutes of the second half. Carlos Magno exchanged passes with Marcelinho. Later, Carlos Magno dribbled Stasinos and crossed the ball to the area. Fabrício appeared and headed the ball to score the goal. Qazox tried to react with some interesting counterattacks, but Cafundéu managed to hold them. And was even able to score the second, when Carlos Magno made a great play dribbling two opponents. But he tried to dribble the goalkeeper and lost the ball.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Fabrício’s goal): “Ball to the attack, Cafundéu needs desperrrrrately a goal, Qazox needs it even morrrrrre, as lost the firrrrrrst game. Now Marrrrrrcelinho makes a pass to Carrrrrlos Magno in the midfield, rrrrreceives the ball back and sends it to Carrrrrlos Magno morrrrre in frrrrrront. The midfielder goes to the wing, crrrrrrosses the ball... Fabrrrrrício appearrrrrs to head it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! A rrrrreplay would be accepted! Fabrrrrrício, number eighteen! Cafundéu one, Qazox zerrrrro! Need help in spirrrrritual issues? Want to contact a rrrrrelative, or to find trrrrrue love, discover the futurrrrre? Contact Madame Gislaine! You can pay in cash, crrrrredit carrrrrd or with a meal ticket!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: opponents inside the field are enemies? Maybe not in this game, at least not in the case involving Da Silva and Cruz-Preli. The Cafundelense midfielder suffered a heavy foul from the Qazoxian opponent. When Roberto stood up to complain, Cruz-Preli apologized. Da Silva accepted and the Qazoxian kissed Da Silva’s cheek, who reacted hugging her. The demon Garth Valxen, enemy of Cafundelense supporters, a bit embarassed by the situation, waited for a while before showing Cruz-Preli the yellow card. And someone needs to give new shoes to Ferreira. In the first half, the attacker of Cafundéu was running in the left wing to prepare an attack when he slipped. Note that the field wasn’t wet. The slip caused Ferreira to fell inside the bench of the Qazox team.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: second victory in two games in the World Cup. Good. And necessary. This last game was a difficult one, and the victory was complicated to get. The coach Franz Braddock told me: “I knew that the game against Qazox was going to be difficult. They were desperate to get a positive result. Hopefully we were able to control them and get these three points. But this is not over yet. There is one matchday left, a third round against Casari. We won the first two, and can win the third too, I’m confident in this game.

The players were relieved that the team was able to get this victory, surely very important for the team’s ambitions. The midfielder Da Silva said: “Team work is necessary in these games. Qazox’s defence worked great and we couldn’t rely on individual plays to get this victory. We needed to use many players to find the breaches in their defence... and could score.” The defender Eduardo Monte said: “We had to work a lot too. Qazox had some very good counterattacks and all the sectors of the team had to make a good performance to secure this important victory for the red-black team.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): in Qazox, I have to comment about the defensive players. The goalkeeper Scheppe, the defender Stasinos and the midfielder Cruz-Preli. The attackers lost some chances and didn’t have such a good performance. In Cafundéu, Lauro was secure in the goal, Anormal in the midfield. Da Silva prepared many plays and deserves a place in the list of the best of the game. But the Qazoxian defender Vidaca was the best today, holding many Cafundéu attacks. Unfortunately for him, his team lost.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Qazox counterattacks): “Marrrrrcelinho loses the ball in the midfield, Crrrrruz-Prrrrreli starrrrrts the counterrrrrattack. Ball to Valladorrrrres in the attack, nice pass to Farmwald, he has opportunity to shoot... Laurrrrro saves! Valladorrrrres comes to get the rrrrrebound... Eduardo Monte appearrrrrs to clear the danger! Good attack and good defence! Cafundéu holding the positive rrrrrresult, the game is ending! Wanting an used car? So, tomorrrrrow come to VelogOld car rrrrretail, which is prrrrreparrrrrring a major sale of used carrrrrs. Check it!”

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8154/6862405656gaqd1.jpg
Players dispute the ball in the midfield

CAFUNDÉU 1x0 QAZOX

Place: Holmes Stadium, Columbia, Bedistan.
Attendance: 288,850 people.
Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland).
MOTM: Reid Vidaca (Qazox).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César (Marcelinho 66’), Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara (Carlos Magno 60’), Anormal, Da Silva and Neto (Fabrício 45’); Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/qazox.png QAZOX: Scheppe; Vidaca, Rectenwald (Jethva 73’), Stasinos and Shillingford; Cruz-Preli, Smicht (Evelo 45’) and Spingler; Jaus (Farmwald 45’), Tarricone and Valladores.
Coach: Ryan Greenley.

Goals:CAF: Fabrício 77’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Casari: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Carlos Magno; Flecha and Fabrício.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair One (The Archregimancy).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

2- Fabrício
1- Léo Mattos

Daehanjeiguk

22-02-2008, 03:48

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

皇 - So... my son is not gay.

事 - Yes. For the last ^%$& time, he is not gay.

皇 - Good. Because I had a talk with him today, and he said he was having sex with a concubine, and he didn't say if the concubine was a man or a woman.

事 - Most concubines are not men.

皇 - But some are! Some are!

*cricket chirps*

軍 - Alright, so let's get down to business. We've got the reports from Bostonia about the cricket raid.

皇 - Wait, I thought we were raiding Sorthern Northland? Weren't they the ones that made cricket soup?

軍 - Erm... they both made cricket soup.

外 - And we have a new letter from the Emperor Boston. He's dismayed that you're not writing back to him.

皇 - He ate my crickets!

外 - Actually, he fed the homeless crickets...

皇 - Oh. That's good. At least he's not gay then.

外 - This is getting weirder every time we have a meeting.

皇 - So anyway, how was the attack on Bostopia?

軍 - A remarkable success. Except, somehow the Bostonians are saying it was us who did it.

皇 - Wait. How did they figure it out?

軍 - Intelligence. Emperor Bostop made a public announcement...

外 - Wait a minute! You say 'Emperor Bostop', but you can't say 'Bostopia'? What's wrong with you people?

軍 - Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

外 - GAH!!! *runs into soundproof room*

軍 - Well, continuing on what I was saying, they made a public announcement and said, "THE HANS ARE COMING! THE HANS ARE COMING!"

皇 - Did you have to yell that?

軍 - The Emperor was yelling that.

皇 - My question still stands.

軍 - Well, if I didn't yell, then I wouldn't have been repeating what the Emperor said.

皇 - Nevermind...

政 - Okay, so we've got to figure out a way to get out of this.

皇 - Well, we will categorically deny any involvement, and then we'll bomb Sorthern Northland.

軍 - Why would we do that? Half of the Sorthern Northland armed forces have been financed by us. The other half...I think they sold us some porn movies in compensation...

政 - Wait, you bought porn?

軍 - No. It was an exchange for our equipment. We've given them tanks, planes, aircraft, tanks, ships even! If we bomb Sorthern Northland, we're effectively bombing ourselves.

政 - Gah, this is worse! You've just admitted to trading our military equipment for porn!

軍 - Well, they didn't have anything else!

皇 - So let me get this straight. We're selling Sorthern Northland our stuff for what?

軍 - We needed them to bomb Bostonia with crickets, but they didn't have any bombers. So we sold them some of our extra stuff and then stole them for use.

皇 - Wait. We sold it to them, and then we stole them? What's the logic behind that?

軍 - None of their pilots could read or speak Haneo. So we sold it to them so we could get the roundels painted.

皇 - Hmm. That's not a bad idea. Maybe we should sell more of our stuff and then steal it. Then no one would ever suspect the Han of intervening in military conflicts. In fact, we could force our enemies to fight our wars for us...

軍 - Don't get too ambitious, Emperor. We've still got a problem with getting our equipment back. I mean, we can't really bomb ourselves. It's just bad business.

皇 - Okay. Well, we'll steal it all back. And then we'll bomb them.

軍 - Do you know how hard that will be?

政 - Actually, it should be very easy. We have Hwarang agents all over the country. It seems that they don't check IDs, so we've got a whole bunch of people over there. Not to mention that a lot of their people are ethnic Hans, so hiding is not a problem. But anyway, we could give an order to all of our Hwarang to take back our equipment and bomb the hell out of them.

軍 - Okay... that's sounds too easy.

皇 - And if there's anything we've learned, it's easy to do anything in Sorthern Northland. Let's do it.

軍 - Well, I suppose that our planes are still in the air. But they don't have any bombs... per se.

皇 - Well, what have they been using to bomb Bostopia?

軍 - Uhm... they've got red road cones, pencils, rubber chickens, and water balloons.

皇 - Hmm. I think we'll have to go with the water balloons. But can we fill them up with anything other than water?

軍 - We could try hydrogen, but I doubt that they'll ever reach the target.

皇 - Dammit. Well, issue the order for every plane in Sorthern Northland to bomb Sorthern Northland with whatever the hell they have. And be intelligent about it.

政 - You can't expect them to do two things at the same time.

皇 - I do. When I was young, my father forced me to learn how to ride a horse while playing video games.

政 - Wow! Why'd he do that?

皇 - Well, actually, it was more to get me to ride horses, but I was attached to my video games. So he told me that I could only play video games while riding on a horse. But anyway, that aside, I think I should write back to the Bostopian Emperor... Is Pak Yu still in there screaming?

事 - I think his head blew up...

=== LETTER TO EMPEROR BOSTON ===

To His Most Esteemed Emperor Boston,

I have gotten your letter, and I wish to state first that the Han Empire categorically denies any involvement in the plot to bomb your country with crickets. Probably some other country did it because they send you a bunch of crickets and learned that you just made cricket soup out of their LUCKIEST BUNCH OF CRICKETS. Well, anyway, just to prove that we're sincerely not involved in this plot, we're going to bomb Sorthern Northland. Actually, we have a few good reasons to bomb them right now, so we don't mind doing it. Actually

Oh, I hope that you have enough Mongolian crickets to shoot. I mean, I've heard that Mongolian crickets are nasty biters and they'll eat anything made of cotton, so hopefully the guys loading the big gun are wearing plastic clothes too - otherwise, they'll be walking around bare. Speaking of bare, I sincerely hope that when you come over here that you and your people recognize the Empire's strict anti-streaking laws (you can streak in your house though). Just a heads up, breaking the law in the Han Empire is very expensive and I've heard sometimes painful.

Anyway, I hope that the Empress is well. And your son. And... I guess my seafood pizza chef that sent to you, although... I do want him back... his sushi plate is getting dust all over it...

Much obliged

Emperor Gwangmu

PS>>> When this does not translate well, criticize my, interpretation. He the Bensroomese talks the dialect which is weird.

===================

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia 4-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia --- Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png|Bazalonia |4 - 2 | Daehanjeiguk|http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

http://img.news.yahoo.co.kr/picture/2008/a4/20080220/20080220235906657a4_000821_0.jpg

It was an ecstatic crowd in High Mountain tonight as the Imperial Team took on its second World Cup match following their surprise 2-0 win over Wentland. And any fan watching would have been crying after the match.

The first indication that things were wrong was when people started to complain about a stinky diaper smell coming from the field. Then Bazalonian players started to drop on the pitch. Doctors came out quickly, expecting to find heart attacks left and right. But coming out, they were faced with an awfully atrocious smell. It was later discovered that the Imperial Team reeked badly, as if they were settled under a mountain of diapers. After an expensive procedure that cost nearly 60 million weon (reputedly), the players were clean and smelled like lemons.

Unfortunately, the match started out wrong. The Kim Yongdae conceded an early goal, and then he conceded another one just three minutes later. Going into the halftime, it was an interesting 2-0 score that seemed to echo their early win over Wentland. Clearly Bazalonia were looking to win this match at all costs, and they were the ones winning it at the moment. But coming out of halftime, a man shooting sparks from his fingers shocked everyone by electrocuting the entire team. He was escorted from the pitch after the referee decided that his presence was unsafe. But not long after, Jeong Jihun scored, and then Kim Daeeui scored too. It was all of the sudden an equal match, and the Han seemed to have it running, except that ten minutes later, Bazalonia scored again. It was an tipsy match after that, with the Han mostly trying to fight back another equalizing goal. It was not to be, as Bazalonia sealed the deal in injury time with an exciting goal that managed to rip through the net and knocked a spectator out cold (incidentally, the one who was giving the scorer what is commonly called in the West 'the finger').

Cha Beomgeun made no post-match remarks, saying, "We have a lot of work to do." Well, whatever that means, we'll see if that makes a difference coming out in the final match against Tynelia.

Match Summary
10' - BAZ Goal
13' - BAZ Goal
47' - HAN Goal (#11)
55' - HAN Goal (#10)
65' - BAZ Goal
90+' - BAZ Goal

Goal Scorers:

2 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Daeeui, Hong Myeongbo

Jeruselem

22-02-2008, 07:05

Az-cz

22-02-2008, 07:14

Qazox

22-02-2008, 07:45

The man named by some as "Shepard", waited for the crowd gathered in front of him to settle down and after a couple of minutes of silence, began to speak:

"Joe has cast his eyes upon the Qazoxian people and have found them wanting. For surely that is the reason why the Phoenix have not scored a goal this Cup of the World. Have they not, they have not won in the Cup of the World, since they abandoned the Ox? It was blasphemy to ingnore the Holy Oxen and use the name of a mythical bird. I say unto you, that Joe has decreed that the team will not win unless they repent their sinly ways. And the ways of the people must change as well. Joe did not have RedGum phones, EPods or EPhones, wireless interweb or television! Cast these abominations out from your lives and Joe will smile upon you! The word of Joe is the word of truth, I say unto you. May the Holy Oxen smile upon you and yours.

<Later that day>

...Chris, the riots here in Iguana de Mia, one of the most religous areas in Qazox, have finally been put to rest. The mysterious man, known only as Shepard, spoke earlier today and upon the end of his speech, the crowd of about 4 thousand began to riot. The crowds destroyed almost 75% of the businesses that sell electronics and other amenities. Police have arrested over a thousand people in connection to the riots, but no signs of 'Shepard' have been found. Authorities believe that he was taken away in a private car just as the riots began. They are looking for 'Shepard' and one of his chief followers, a young woman known as 'Mary'. 'Shepard' is 6 ft tall, and about 45 years of age, and around 175 lbs, he has a scar on his left cheek and has long greying hair and beard. 'Mary' is described as a 5' 4" teenager, approximately 15 or 16 years old, with short strawberry-blonde hair. If you have any information, please call 1-605-994-1235 or your local police station.

Jeruselem

22-02-2008, 08:05

To: The Jeruselem Government News

To whom it may concern,

We are very upset about the announcement of your ticket give away. The blatant discrimination in your letter is quite disconcerting. Your decision to rule out mormons and scientoligists from this drawing is just offensive and wrong. Why there set of beliefs are any more wrong than any other set of religious beliefs is just mystifying to us. It's not like any of them are remotely rational or make any sense. They're all based on personal feeling. So to discriminate between them in such a sense is abhorrable. And as strange as this sounds, we don't even believe that if your decision was to ban all religious people from the drawing it would be just. While we believe that religion is a fraud and not a sensible belief, we still don't believe in punishing people for their individual choices like that. We hope that you come to your senses and allow mormons and scientologists to participate if they so choose.

The Az-cz Association of Atheists

TO: The Az-cz Association of Atheists
From: Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas, Secretary to the Jeruselem FA President

At the moment under current laws, practicing under the Mormon cult or Scientology cult is illegal. JGN or the Jeruselem FA are also bound by these laws even if they are operating in other country. Hence we cannot give tickets to Mormons or Scientologists as both organisations are basically part of the government so we have no choice.

I'm not going debate whether they should be illegal or not, even if I am a Princess. The decision was made much earlier in Jeruselem's history and it's not going to be changed now.

Anyway, if you've actually met some of these Mormons or Scientologists then you find out what they are like. I'd rather go out with an old Orthodox monk than a member of one of these cults.

Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas
Secretary to the Jeruselem FA President

Az-cz

22-02-2008, 09:34

Amda-Mo: Well it wasn't the easiest three points we've ever accumulated but we did take down the purple peril to boost our chances of qualification, winning 2-1.

Lur-Mn: The Starblaydi can't be remotely happy with the result. Just as we were the better side against Candelaria and Marquez and gave up a disappointing late goal, Starblaydia outplayed us as a whole, but a couple of brilliant individual plays allowed us to take the full three points. But I think it's fair to say despite the result the Purple Peril is back. They'll be back to being a true cup threat very soon.

Amda-Mo: So explain how we were able to take the match if we were outplayed.

Lur-Mn: Well for anyone who saw the match, no explanation is necessary. We won literally on the back of three amazing plays. First was El-Iot's opening goal in the 23rd minute. He somehow blew by four defenders and then put on one of the best fakes ever to get the Starblaydi keeper diving while he still had the ball at his feet to tap in for a wide-open goal. The play was absolutely Pizelkaxrovskian. The second was Haz-Tp's penalty save in the 44th. After equalizing in the 32nd Starblaydia was pressing forward beautifully and earned a penalty on an unquestionable hand ball in the box, with Cn-Vro getting a bit turned around and putting his hand out just kind of randomly and hitting the ball. The Purple Peril player proceeded to the penalty place in perfect positon to pole-vault his club into the lead. But Haz-Tp read it just right and plucked the ball out of the air near the upper right corner of the goal and kept the team level at the break. And Bn-Ct replicated the other half of Pizelkaxrovsky's game, curling in a freekick from almost the halfway line straight into the goal to stun the Starblaydi side into sullen submission with 20 minutes left in the match. From there the Gnomes just held down the fort. But looking at the stats, or just watching the game, and it was obvious those three plays are the reason we're in good shape heading into the Demot match.

Amda-Mo: So what was it that Starblaydia did so well?

Lur-Mn: Well they've got talent, and they've got disciplined talent, as opposed to the wild unrefined talent we sometimes see from other squads. They knew what they had to do to slow down the Az-cz attack and what our weak points on defense were. There were any number of times when they looked to have good chances, for the shot to just go awry or an Az-cz defender to make a big play or something to pull our bacon out of the grease, so to speak.

Amda-Mo: Yuck. What a metaphor.

Lur-Mn: Anyways, they had clearly the better chances. When they get their star-making machine running at full efficiency they'll be tough. No pun intended.

Amda-Mo: So let's now look at the other match in our group. Candelaria and Marquez stunned Demot by 2-1 to move into great shape to move on.

Lur-Mn: Alas, they're an up and coming squad. They remind us from back around World Cup 32 or World Cup 33, except with a bunch of backwards ideas and specisism thrown in our their part.

Amda-Mo: So how does that effect us going forward?

Lur-Mn: Well it was the result we least wanted to see if we won. We're through if we win or draw. But if we lose we have very little chance of getting through. We'd have a better chance if their game was a draw or a Demot win. And it also means that Demot will have their back to the walls, and we all know how dangerous good teams are in such a situation. And it's a rivalry game, so we know how much Demot would love to be the team that ends our championship run. So it'll be a very very tough game.

Amda-Mo: How do you fancy our chances?

Lur-Mn: Well we're the two-time defending champs, and we just need a draw. We've played them in much more pressure packed situations so I'm certainly not going to say that we're doomed. Just that it's an oughly tough game for the two teams to be in at this stage. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Amda-Mo: What are the other big results of the second day of the cup?

Lur-Mn: Perhaps the biggest upset was Sorthern Northland taking down Zwangzug. Now they play Alasdair I Frosticus with a reasonable shot at the second round, which would be absolutely amazing. Bettia and Squronshelous each got dominating victories which prime them well to get through to the second round. And Northern Bettia picked up a win to keep themselves alive as well.

Amda-Mo: Great. Now let's take a look at the top 6.

6. Bettia

The best of the four pointers so far and a team I thought about putting higher. A draw with Squornshelous is really more impressive than the results Adihan put up. I just couldn't convince myself to place them ahead of a qualified six-point team. But whacking Oliverry 4-1 is quite a win.

5. Adihan

I wouldn't expect them to stay on this list. They're in a very easy group and will probably get whacked by Ariddia next time out. But they took care of business, so you have to give them credit for that.

4. Ariddia

Speaking of the Rouge-et-noirs, here they are. It's hard to know how good they really are with the competition but they're playing well and look like as good a bet as anybody to come out of the wide open half of the bracket in Commerce Hights.

3. Cafundeu

The team with the most impressive name in their collection of wins, they followed up the win over the hosts with a workmanlike win over Qazox. Not going to win them a lot of fans, but that's not the goal. They're definitely a threat as well.

2. Valanora

But Valanora is definitely where the best teams lie. And the Elves themselves are near the head of the list. They're really taking advantage of homefield and we'd really like to see them eliminated without having to play them as they're looking quite good.

1. Milchama

While I still don't think Milchama is one of the leading contenders to win the cup, this is about what they've done so far. And to this point they've played the best. 8 goals and a +4 differential against the Monks and Jeruselem is quite impressive. We'd definitely be well suited by winning our game against Demot in convincing fashion to avoid them in the 2nd round.

Amda-Mo: Indeed we would. Join us next time to find out if we can do that.

Kura-Pelland

22-02-2008, 11:09

Bam, bam, bam. Kiso Night's hat-trick turned 0-0 at half-time into 3-0 on the hour and the game turned just like that.

Kura-Pellandi fans still can't quite believe it. And the presence of a decisive result in the other game really didn't help, as four points is now not likely to be enough. A two-goal win over eliminated Bostopia is needed, or something, and it's not going to happen is it? Though Valanora beating Northern Bettia is still a shoo-in... if it doesn't happen, both teams are through and the other match becomes a charade.

Meanwhile, various branches of the Kura-Pelland Grassroots Soccer Supporters Group (GSSG) are to play 90-minute matches on park pitches concurrently with the Valanora-Northern Bettia game, with fans encouraged to attend and wave banners, in protest against the absence of simultaneous playing of the third set of matches in the group. Sporting manipulation is high on the agenda in Kura-Pelland following a series of refereeing scandals in the Corganen Championship - and many have pointed out Kiso Night's first Valanoran goal against Kura-Pelland was clearly offside - and very high turnout is expected.

Candelaria And Marquez

22-02-2008, 14:28

The Albrecht Herald
Drops of Jupiter keep Donnelly’s runaway train on track
By Tracker Edwards

Christ. If we’re going to do this – and by now any residual fears over the malign influence of newfound sanguinity in Candelarias football must surely have been erased – then by golly it will by the skin of our collective teeth. We may be wishing that Candelariasian dentistry hadn’t taken such leaps forward in recent years by the time the game against Starblaydia ticks into injury time.

There remains something oddly unlovable about Lloyd Donnelly, and he may never gain the cult status of the late Mark Baker or even Ricardo Garcia no matter how long he remains in the hot seat and however far his green Blues go in this tournament or any other. But no-one can deny what he has achieved already, and the difference he has made in just two years. The six-nil scoreline by which Garcia’s C&M lost to Demot in Kura-Pelland last time around may not have been entirely representative of the full ninety minutes, but the Candelariasians were never the less utterly outclassed. Yet mere months later, and with a C&M side containing more than half the players who had their arses handed to them in Parwood, they met in Longview as, if not equals, then at least as sides with mutual respect.

Demot are supposedly the tenth best side in the world, C&M the twenty-fifth. Yet that gap looked even bigger in the minutes after Thoril Forgedawn and Maria Hart kicked off, for the Dynamos were at their flowing and possessive best and the game looked in danger of becoming a carbon copy of the two previous in the group. Perhaps that gave C&M some hope, since Az-cz and Demot had both ultimately failed to pick up wins despite dominant performances against Donnelly’s men and the purple assemblage of Starblaydia respectively. But reality bit after barely quarter of an hour, thanks to the vision of Vahala Quann, who played a delicate ball under the feet of Ben Head and into the area. None of the Demot attack are spring chickens, but Hart caught Benji Fu for speed and passed to Rahall Lewis who had manoeuvred past Lorenzo De Wilde with embarrassing ease. Lewis struck a weak but exact shot into the bottom left-hand corner, giving Oberon Martinez no chance and racking up his second goal in these finals.

Six-nil? You couldn’t bet against it. Even at their best in qualifying; Donnelly’s C&M appeared a jack of all trades and against the top sides – and make no mistake, Demot are still very much one of those – they have been found out at times. Walter Jordan and Doug Szczechowicz provided width, but not enough against the former World Cup runner-ups. O’Sullivan Caras supplied creativity in the midfield, but not enough. A particular problem has been getting José Felipe Cassumba Domingos into the game; for while he has upped his goal ratio for his country in recent months, he has appeared less and less centrally involved in international games. Played by Andy Woolworth at Marquez-Onwere as a second striker, Cassa has carved out a unique niche providing not only the odd goal but the telling balls both to Ignacio Vélez ahead of him and Merlin Siriwong, Reiban Okeke and Niclas Kjaer behind. But he has been appearing too eager to persist in that role for the national team too, and it has become increasingly notable just how often Ramiro Novo is forced to drift back into the midfield to provide extra bodies while Cassa gallivants around up front.

Next to useless against Az-cz, Donnelly had given the twenty-four-year-old a second chance and must surely have been regretting it. Without a link-up man worthy of the name, Vélez and Ramiro Novo looked lost and Fred Ma was pointedly warming up some minutes before the half-time whistle was due.

And then just when he needed to, Cassa proved his worth; harrying Zanven Swordhand off the ball and delivering a perfectly weighted lay-off to Novo. The big lefty somehow contrived to hit the post, but Julius Matai sliced his clearance and Cassumba Domingos won the ball in the air, took it down off his chest, and rifled a shot past Travis Jupiter.

The two teams went into the dressing rooms back on level terms, but it surely couldn’t last. Deadlock was almost broken once more twice in the first minute of the new half, but thankfully Forgedawn and Hart were found lacking in sharpness at the vital moments. Slowly, the dominance of Demot slipped away and while C&M never truly found the edge, the game became increasingly stretched and open. Any thoughts of an attacking substitution however were erased from Donnelly’s mind by quick-fire injuries to Szczechowicz and De Wilde. The latter will thankfully be available for selection in the final group game – a huge plus given that Mars Douyadari appeared the only option at centre-back with Tom Redway mysteriously unaccounted for. The Albrecht Turkish left-back’ neck injury looks more severe however, though the manager was no doubt considering returning the more offensive-minded Özkan Yalçin to the starting line-up anyway. Yalçin’s presence down the left provided an immediate boost, though the arrival on the pitch of Kili Knight and Insaki Roma soon cancelled that out.

But C&M were at least able to forge more opportunities to test the Demot goalkeeper on counter-attacks, and eventually built up a sustained spell of pressure of their own. On the sixty-fifth minute, Caras won and took a free-kick that was controlled superbly by Cassumba Domingos who swivelled and struck his shot at Jupiter. The Freestone FC veteran fumbled the ball and Cao Juli was forced to clear for a corner. Though Vélez subsequently headed well over the bar, Jupiter was clearly rattled and C&M went for the jugular. On the next foray forwards, Novo forced Jupiter to concede another corner and used his strength to push Juli and Matai aside and meet Caras’ ball in in the air. He nodded on to Vélez, and the new Cafundó do Juta signing struck hard and low to Jupiter’s right, the ‘keeper getting a glove to the shot but managing only to help it on its way to where Novo stood waiting patiently to tap it into the net for his first goal in Valanora.

Martinez in the opposite goal was soon forced to save from Lewis, Roma and Lewis again in quick succession, but if anything the Demot side felt obliged to pull back to rally around their own number one. His slippery fingers very nearly gave Novo an amusingly unwarranted second of the afternoon, but while that was C&M’s last real opportunity; Demot would also fail to go on to find a proper opening of their own as the Candelariasian defence closed ranks around what would prove an eye-catching two-one victory.

It would be distressing in the extreme if C&M went and ballsed it up now against the lowest-ranked team in the tournament, but Starblaydia represent a prettier kettle of fish that their lowly KPB position implies. What is more, Betanii Marrones will know that her side must take all three points against C&M while we can afford to draw. Indeed we could potentially go on through even with defeat, though it would involve all sorts of permutations that don’t bear thinking about.

At any rate, Donnelly will not be focussing on anything but Starblaydia, and as well he might. Qualification to the knock-out stages would bring the upsetting prospect of being eaten alive by one of the Jewish giants, while most in the Candelarias would equally not relish the possibility of a chance to continue the sporting rivalry with the peoples of Vircais. Or indeed that other team in the group. Whoever they are.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 2
Cassumba Domingos 38, Novo 69

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/demot.png Demot 1
Lewis 15

Tynelia

22-02-2008, 15:37

“Before you say anything sir.” Agent Jones began as he stood in Agent Smith’s office knowing what was about to be said, he bravely continued. “ I would just like you to know that the entire prognosticator team has been reassigned to do a complete paper clip inventory of the entire building.”

“Paper clips? You should have fired them all. ’73.5% chance of victory over Wentland’ they said. We got shutout!” Smith yelled pounding his fist on his desk.

“Well sir you misunderstand. I told them they needed an exact count which needed to match perfectly with our records otherwise they had to keep at it until they did.” Jones explained has he extended his arm towards his superior and opened his hand which revealed a lone paper clip hidden in it. “So you see sir, it could be years before an exact count is reached.”

Smiling slightly Smith calmed down . “Ah I see. Very well then. Perhaps they will be able to keep their jobs. At half salary of course.”
“Yes sir.”

“So what happened?”

“Well it seems our same paper clip inventory personnel had shown that there was a 85.3% chance we would be placing the men’s team rather than the womens so they redirected our satellite coverage to focus on the men’s team. We were unprepared for their unusually effective defensive backup system that prevented us from scoring.” Jones explained.

“So Conroy is using our footage then?” Smith asked.

“Uncertain, it has been sent to them and we replaced most of the team’s official game footage with these tapes so its likely but also likely that Conroy is unaware of our efforts.” Jones went on.

“Well they better start getting some tapes on how to put the ball into the net. If we don’t win against the Imperialist we don’t advance period! I’ve even recalled the Az-cz satellite coverage to be rerouted to one of the potential Han practice grounds. We have to have that win. If we don’t those religious nutbags are going to say its because we rejected their coach and there’s no way we can keep him out of the Coach’s role barring an accident.” Smith proclaimed.

“Shall I begin, engineering something to that effect sir?”

“No, too obvious. Let Agent Jones handle it instead Jones.”

“Very well sir.”

“Good now get back to work, I have some intel to decript.”

“Yes sir.”

<elsewhere>

A group of monks kneel on the soccer field as Brother James continues his sermon.

“… turn not thy most righteous eyes from thy Hippos O Lord of Scores and grant that they prevail over that land with the real long name to which I am unable to pronounce. Let Thy prophetess Margaret hurl forth her divine red cards to smite the foe and send them from the field that Thy team may find Thy blessings easier to come by. Though the unbelievers have again and again tried to limit Thy divine will, let it be seen that Thy forgiveness outweighs Thy anger at their ignorance. Show them Thine divine glory this next match and shower thy Hippos with a multitude of blessings that all may see the errors of their ways.
May Thine infinite mercy that has even forgiven the evil monks of the Archregimancy for their sins forgive the lack of faith in Thine own homeland and bestow upon Thy team Thy blessings once more. For as Rome was not built in a day neither shall Thine own glory be accepted so swiftly. Let all see thy presence as a guiding light, a true path that our shots shall make into the foe’s net. And let thy team succeed as Thou has done this past Cup. Amen.”

“Amen.” Came from the rest of assembled monks despite Brother Sisters Emily’s insistence that Brother Sisters should be allowed to use the phrase ‘Awomen’ instead. Afterwards a few monks walked off under a tree in search of shade as the rest of the monks divided themselves up for the post-mass soccer match.

“Maybe he should have asked the Keeper to make sure they don’t score on us. Seems like the Keeper has been real strong these first two matches.” Brother John aka Agent Halliway said idly to the other two.

“But that wouldn’t be right, everyone knows that.” Brother David argued as Brother Zeke nodded silently in agreement with Brother John.

“Why?” Brother John asked. “We scored one goal in two matches. Surely that means the Keeper does not want any scoring to be done. After all didn’t we switch to a more offensive style so we could score more. And yet our Hippos win the System Karela defensive award and there’s been a total of two goals in two matches. Sounds like the Keeper is busy, not the Lord of Scores.”

“Why are you being so dense Brother John. Clearly the Lord of Scores is displeased with us in some way so he has withheld His blessings until we repent. You heard Brother James. He asked for forgiveness and the Lord of Scores shall answer I am sure.” Brother David declared.

“So what if he doesn’t and we don’t make it to the knockouts?” Brother John asked.

“Well it means we weren;t forgiven and we have to be more faithful for the next cup.” Brother David replied tentatively.

“Or does it mean that it is the Keeper to whom we must petition to unlock the gates he set up to keep us from scoring?” Brother John countered.

“Well, um…” Brother David stammered before a loud woman’s voice thundered out from behind them.

“BLASPHEMY!” Brother Sister Emily declared pointing at Brother John. “How dare you imply the foul Keeper is greater than the Lord of Scores in whose glory we all serve. The Keeper stops only what Our Lord allows him to stop, as we all know. You Brother John are going on report!” She said immediately turning around and heading towards her uncle’s office.

“Now you’ve gone and done it.” Brother David said as the fanatical Brother Sister Emily left them. “What are you going to do now?”

“We’ll see.” Brother John said out loud while silently he wished he had more time to convert the others before one of the real nutbags found out about him. He may have to move more swiftly now he thought, but he was ready to do his best to break these den of craziness for the good of all Tynelia.

The Archregimancy

22-02-2008, 15:42

Jeruselem Government News

FREE tickets to Jeruselem vs The Archregimancy

JGN is giving away tickets to our game against The Archregimancy for match day 3 in Group F. It's the biggest game we have to play and we don't want our fans to miss out.

All you have to do is front up to the JGN van and answer a simple question. If we like the answer, you get a free ticket. There are a few conditions attached to this offer
1. You can't be a Mormon or Scientologist
2. You must be a Jeruselem citizen
3. You must have a current Jeruselem passport
4. You cannot be an employee of JGN or the Jeruselem FA

These aren't just any old tickets in some dark spot next to 100 drunks singing the Bike song. These are tickets to premium spots on the stadium for the game.

The question we will ask is
Why the Monks will win the World Cup 39?

As bonus, our own Jewbee Princess will be at the van too. She'll be judging if your answer is good enough. Everyone who tries gets a free "I met Jewbee Dallas" badge even if we didn't like your answer. Of course, if we don't like you - you don't get anything.

Somewhere deep in the Painted Monastery of Voronets...

"But Fr. Justinian... neither of us are citizens of Jeruselem - and we certainly don't have a Jeruselem passport."

"But don't you really, really want to go to the match, Fr. Adrian?"

"Yes... but... you're suggesting that we lie. Isn't lying a sin?"

"Only when lying to fellow Christians, Fr. Adrian. The Jeruselemites are Jewish. It's not a sin to lie to Jews."

"Are you absolutely sure about that?"

"Look, are you going to help me fill out this competition form or not? You can always go to confession afterwards if it's bothering you that much."

"But we won't be able to wear our monastic robes, Fr. Justinian..."

"Look, we'll just walk up to the JGN van in civvies, and pretend to have a terrible speech impediment that forces us to give our answer in written form only"

"Well, if you're sure, Fr. Justinian...."

"May God force me to fornicate with a Dallas whore if I'm wrong"

Why the Monks will win the World Cup 39
By Adrian Steinwolfbergowitz and Justy Bergsteinwolfowitz

Because they're hip
Because they're cool
Because everyone they face knows they're no fools

They like to play
Their special way
And when they score a goal they fall and kneel and pray

So this is the cup
Where they'll win it all
But first of all they'll beat all of those awful perverted non-Orthodox sinners, heathens, and heretics that stand in their way - word.

"See.... It's fool-proof, Fr. Justinian. No one will ever be able to tell we're Orthodox monks from that."

[OOC - Jeru, just this once I give you permission to follow this through to its logical conclusion, especially given Fr. Justinian's oath right before the quiz application. Note that both monks will be defrocked, excommunicated and ejected from the Archregimancy, possibly causing an international scandal, if you do take this and run with it]

The Archregimancy

22-02-2008, 15:54

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: MFA Condemns Anti-Semitism

Fellow Nations: we rejoice that we enter the final match of the competition with a chance of still advancing to the second round, though it saddens our heart that we must defeat the deserving Jeruselemites and knock them out for this to happen. We have been truly impressed at the efforts that the Jeruselemites have gone to improve their image and accommodate our very different culture since the retirement of the wanton whore Dazza Dallas.

We were disturbed to read of anti-Semitic incidents following Jeruselem's most recent match against the waffle-worshipping Vephrese. We wish to make it clear in no uncertain terms that the Monastic Football Association totally and utterly condemns anti-Semitism, and will work with the Valanoran and Jeruselemite authorities to make sure that there are no repeat incidents at our game this evening.

We realise that the Orthodox church hasn't always had an unblemished record towards Judaism, what with those centuries of pogroms, not to mention some of the more blood-thirsty interpretations of Matthew 27:25, but they are after all God's chosen people, and since they are all destined to recognise our Saviour as the true Messiah and convert at the End of Days anyway, we might as well be nice to them in the interim while they obstinately refuse to see the light.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Alasdair I Frosticus

22-02-2008, 16:16

THE HATTRICK OF ALEJANDRO STYLITES

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I
IN this grey ground of the UCS the mind's eye
Has called up the cold spirits that are born
When the old moon is vanished from the sky
And the new still hides her horn.

Under blank eyes and fingers never still
The particular is pounded till it is man.
When had I my own will?
O not since life began.

Constrained, arraigned, baffled, bent and unbent
By these wire-jointed jaws and limbs of wood,
Themselves obedient,
Knowing not evil and good;

Obedient to some hidden magical breath.
They do not even feel, so abstract are they.
3-1 down and dead beyond our death,
That we can triumph I must obey.

II
In this grey ground of the UCS I suddenly saw
Riegan handle the ball with clumsy paw.
In the area, hand at rest,
And with a penalty we were then blest;

And right between the posts Juile stood at bay
Then, quite simply I put the ball away,
From formerly being dead it seemed
That at least of a 3-3 draw we dreamed.

Although I saw it all in the mind's eye
There can be nothing solider till I die;
I saw by the stadium's light
Burning brightly in the night.

Cuoran lost the ball; his eyes lit by the moon
Gazed upon all things known, all things unknown,
No triumph here of intellect
With motionless head erect.

The other defenders' eyeballs never moved,
Being fixed on all things loved, all things unloved.
Yet little peace they had,
For those that miss the tackle are sad.

Little did they care who danced between,
And I, Alejandro Stylites seemed not seen
So I had outdanced thought.
Body perfection brought,

For what but eye and ear silence the mind
With the minute particulars of mankind?
The crowd as one now seemed to gasp
As my third goal ripped escaped Juile's grasp.

In contemplation had my three goals so wrought
Upon a moment, and so stretched it out
That Yafor 2, time overthrown,
Seemed dead yet flesh and bone.

III
I knew that I had seen, had seen at last
My chance of gloried unremembering nights hold fast
Or else my dreams that fly
If I should rub an eye,

And yet in flying fling into my meat
A crazy juice that makes the pulses beat
As though I had been undone
By Homer's Paragon

And though It seemed of a fourth goal I thought;
To such a pitch of folly I am brought,
Being caught between the pull
Of the dark moon and the full,

The commonness of thought and images
That have the frenzy of our best wishes.
Thereon I made my moan,
Sent off after a late tackle on Lavan,

And after that arranged it in a song
Seeing that I, ignorant for So long,
Had been rewarded thus
In the UCS's floodlit house.

Elves Security Forces

22-02-2008, 17:25

"Kiso, how do you make it look soo freaking easy man? I know I'm just as talented as you, but you make it all look soo easy, like it's freaking childs' play." a frustrated, yet happy Laborious Hawk asked of the hattrick hero.

"I don't know Laborious, it justs comes naturally. I see the play happening, get into position, and do what I know how to do. Besides, I wouldn't be scoring goals if you guys weren't distrubting the ball to me and the defence keeping the oppisition off the scoreboard."

"Yeah, but man it's just freaking insane how you always seem to be in the right position to convert on those chances. I have to get dang lucky to get my talleys and yet here you are, making it seem like a person could come out of the stands and nick a few goals themselves, it's just nuts."

"Heh, just looks that way, alot of practice and watching footage of the oppisition helps." taking a look back at the footage, a relaxed Kiso was not going to let Laborious try and get him to say anything untrue. "Speaking of the fans, you see how many more were hear today compared to the first match?"

"Yeah, I noticed that during warmups. Think Elran had his job threatened or something?"

"Nah, I don't think Tobias is *that* crazy, ... yet. Probablly people forgot about our opener after the actual opening match of the tournament was in the UCS. I doubt we'll be seeing anymore empty seats this tournament."

"I hope you're right Kiso, playing in front of a packed house always seems to get me more excited and ready to give it my all and then some."

"I know what you mean. Think you'll enjoy playing in Cafundeu? I heard Hondo and Raynor both offered you huge contracts and you turned them down. Don't like playing in your homeland or something?"

"Nah, it's not that at all. Would of loved to come back to the EPL, but I've heard Fresco and Kips talk about the competitveness in Cafundeu and their love of the game, and I thought I needed a different type of challange right now. I plan on coming back home, just want to go out and expierence different things first. You knows, you might like it their to if you ever make the trip."

"I don't know, my home and everything is here in the ESF. There is plenty of competitive action in the Premiership and then some. Who would of even thought that Juavi and Valanari could be title contenders four years ago? And now they are amongst the favorites to win next season. No, I think I'll be happy playing my game here in the homeland."

"Suit yourself. Anyways, hows the fiance?"

"Eh, not talking to me right now. Says my ego is inflated and I need to come back down to earth before the cermony."

"Women, can't live with them. C.."

"Can't live without them haha! Let's head on over to Raynor City and see if we can catch a match. I heard the Vephrall team is quite a show."

Candelaria And Marquez

22-02-2008, 17:34

The Albrecht Herald Online>Breaking News

Home Office to appeal Gweridijongya asylum decisions Minister for Social Affairs Rueben Queseda confirmed on TV1’s ¡Buenos Dias! programme that he will be asking the High Court to overturn a ruling made several months ago to give some six-hundred Gweridijongyan asylum seekers the right to permanent residence of the Candelarias, in the light of the yesterday’s confirmation of their homeland’s continued existence.

Around six-thousand Gweridijongyans arrived in Arrigo as travelling fans or officials for the World Cup qualifying game between the two countries, prompting a vicious row between the government and the Modern Liberal opposition over their right to remain in the country. The High Court eventually decreed that since Gweridijongya had officially ‘ceased’ while the incoming plane carrying the Gweridijongyan travelling party was in C&M airspace, its occupants were well within their rights to automatically claim Candelariasian citizenship as per the inter-Rushmori agreement on the status of individuals living in, working in or visiting foreign countries at the time of their own nation’s ceasing. However, due to the hostile reaction to their arrival across much of the press, the bulk of the group elected to accept the offer of residency from their fellow Atlantian Oceanian nation Kura-Pelland, where Gweridijongya’s two remaining ‘home’ games were eventually played.

Speaking to ¡Buenos Dias! presenter Julia Moss, Queseda claimed that it was “now clear that a large portion of the Gweridijongyan group were deliberately misinforming [Candelariasian] officials over the political situation in their homeland” and that since the truth had now come to light they would be sent home as a matter of some urgency, and stripped of their temporary C&M citizenship.

However he confirmed that any Gweridijongyans who had already found regular work in the Candelarias would be permitted to re-apply for work visas as usual and otherwise take the normal path to becoming a full citizen of the Republic. Analysts suggest however that all but three dozen or so intend to return to their homeland.

___________________

And now, some miles west of Longview, it’s the third part of the current pointless subplot!

In today’s edition, some people stand around chatting about shit.

Enjoy, mother hubbards!

As it turned out, Tony Darkweaver (pretend elf, née real elf) and Alassë Léralondë (née Sarah Pickering, seventh-level indigo scout and Candelariasian woman) didn’t have to wait long. After about five minutes of kicking their heels, watching the motionless rolling plains of the Eesseff and holding a one-way discussion on spontaneous combustion and its role in the walruses’ plans for total dominion over the human mind; an all-consuming stench of yellow filled their nostrils, and a man of pensionerable appearance fosbury flopped onto the ground and slowly stood up, rubbing his back.

“Wow…” Sarah breathed. “You’ve got effects like that on the film, but I never knew it could look so real in the flesh!”

The newcomer gave her a look which suggested that he thought the one that had had Demot in wasn’t the only special pot in Valanora right now. He glanced accusingly at Tony who gave a contrite shrug back.

“Sorry… She just sort of latched on…”

“I hardly think we need to endanger any more people, do you Mr. Darkweaver?”

“I got your message, I came. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“Oi,” Sarah scolded. “Elfspeak, please. Although I don’t think much of your make-up.”

She circled around the newcomer accusingly, attempting to see his disappearing act from all angles.

“I can assure you, it’s perfectly real,” the man sighed.

“Oh, come on,” Sarah chided. “You can’t… I mean not in…” But maybe you could. Astral visitations happened all the time, according to Mr. Jonathan. Matter was just a state of mind. There was nothing to stop your consciousness from moving, well, anywhere in the universe if you were skilled enough. She just… She just didn’t think it’d happen here somehow. Not amongst all these foolish people who were prepared to turn their country into a sideshow, dress up as elves and dwarves and so on and such forth, just for the tourists. Just because of a silly, wonderful, but – obviously – utterly unfactual film. But Mr. Jonathan had never mentioned anything about the yellowness…

Tony and the transporting man had been in deep conversation for a few minutes; but they, and Sarah’s attempt at further questioning, were interrupted by the sudden arrival of another trio of individuals and a strangled cry of “Gaffer!”

He didn’t mean gaffer of course, not really. Tom had had plenty of managers since his first boyhood coach, right up to Port of Clotaire’s Nico Mason and C&M’s Lloyd Donnelly in the present day. He’d never even met Mark Baker, face-to-face. And yet, in a strange way, he was everyone’s gaffer. Baker had never actually been at a World Cup with the Big Blues, never won anything and, more to the point, he was dead; but that didn’t really matter. Two and a half years after the whole ‘dying’ thing, he was still the heart and soul of Candelariasian football.

“Hi. Sir.”

Baker frowned. “Evening, Tom. Evening, Miss.” He tipped a conspicuously absent hat at Ma-Gl. “Evening, equally unknown figure.”

“Shelley Heffernan. I was passed a note.”

“Right…”

“Who’re you, anyway?” Sarah asked Tom suddenly. “You look familiar.”

“Tom Redway,” said Tom Redway, slightly insulted international soccer star.

“Oh. That’s quite a good name, I suppose. Tom of Redway would be better, but you can’t have everything.”

The six watched each other suspiciously.

“Well,” Baker said after a while, “Here we all are then. Like birds in the wilderness.”

“Are we going to get on with this, or aren’t we?” Shelley snapped.

“I don’t even know who you are, lad, I–”

“We’ve all got our reasons for being here,” Tony interrupted. “Paleface here’s right. We should just get on with it and–”

He was interrupted by the beep of a text message. The footballer fished in a pocket and read it.

“Who is it?” Ma-Gl asked sharply

“Oh, it’s only Natalie…”

“Who’s Natalie? Why’s she texting you?!”

“Natalie Instonenext? My partner at Port of Clotaire? She’s just wondering where I am. Obviously my no-show for the Demot game’s been noted.”

Tom caught the eye of Baker, who was making bunny ears with his hands and a soft sizzling sound. “I’m surprised anyone thinks that missing Candelariasian sporting folk is newsworthy any more,” the old manager mused. “Me, Lan, Donny Sackett, poor old Ric for a bit. A major international tournament wouldn’t be the same without one of us wandering off.”

“Sir… What did happen with Ricardo? Even the players who were at ’38 don’t have much of a clue.”

“Svarts happened, lad. Perfectly pleasant little chaps in their own way, but… Well, I’m not surprised he lost his marbles for a few weeks. Too many of ‘em crawl on you at once, y’see, and nightmares’re the least of yer worries…”

Five pairs of eyes had by now come to rest on the thankfully clothed form of Sarah Pickering, who appeared to be in the early stages of a full-scale nervous breakdown.

“I… You’re talking about this like this is real,” she moaned. “I mean… I know you. You’re him, aren’t you? Mark Baker? The one that went missing? It was the only thing on the news for weeks. Not that I watch the news that much, of course, it’s just disseminating government disinformation. The stuff the Wandy want you to think. But you’re talking about… Can you really hop about through space?”

Baker rolled his eyes and pressed the healthy red button on his belt. He slowly vanished, before reappearing almost instantaneously several metres the other side of the group. Sarah and Tom stared, mouths agog. Much to everyone’s surprise, Sarah started to grin.

“And… Are you a… I can’t believe I’m saying this. Are you a real hobbit?”

Ma-Gl sighed. “Gnome. Hobbits’re ickle. And not real.”

“But you’re a real elf?”

“You could pull my ears. But please don’t,” Tony continued quickly as pudgy pink hands reached for his head.

“Wow… Mr. Jonathan never said anything about this… So it’s all true, then? Not that I ever doubted of course. I’ve always had intuitive wisdom. I was touched by an angel, you see… Ha!” She gave a worryingly deranged laugh. “Look! The sylphs are happy. They’re glad I know the truth.”

Four pairs of swivelled upwards for a moment, and then over to Tony.

“Clouds,” he said quietly in the tone of one who has had the issue of sylphs discussed at him at length recently. “They’re just clouds. But also,” the elf added hurriedly after noticing Sarah’s angry paddington, “The angelic defenders of the sky that clear chemtrails and foretell the weather to those with the natural acumen to converse with them.”

The others stared for a bit. “They rather look like clouds to me,” Tom ventured.

“I suppose that one looks a bit like a butterfly,” Ma-Gl offered doubtfully.

“Absolutely,” Sarah beamed. “And see how it’s eating that chemtrail! Mark my words, within an hour it’ll be all gone.”

“No! Really?”

Sarah scowled at the former football manager. “Say what you like… I see it now. All this time, I hadn’t realised, but meeting you, Tony and the gnome… It’s beginning. I’m finally becoming a Crystal being. I just… I just feel higher now. I can feel the electrical energy running through me. And I wondered why I was putting on weight. Now I know. My body’s powering the process that will take me onto a multi-dimensional plane!”

“Good for you,” Baker said evenly. “This has been a thoroughly welcome diversion. But are we going to get on with this, perchance?”

“How exactly are we supposed to go about it?”

“Over there, Tony. Little building, just on the horizon. You see it? The six of us should be able to gain entry, if we’re clever.”

Tony and Shelley nodded. Sarah was concentrating on enhancing her morphogenetic field. Tom and Ma-Gl glanced at each other.

“Um… Sorry, me and the missus haven’t actually been told what it is we’re actually going to be doing, actually. Um…?”

“Why!” Tony said with a dramatic swish of the hand that was largely for the wide-eyed Sarah’s benefit, “We are to march uponst the lair–”

“The abode?” Baker suggested.

“Oh yes, that’s very good. The abode of the butcher-beast you call… HERNÁNDEZ!”

“And we intend to kill him,” Baker added calmly.

Kura-Pelland

22-02-2008, 19:55

Kura-Pelland have offered the Gweridijongan citizens who have settled in the country the opportunity to return home if and only if desired, after the confirmation that the country continues to exist as an independent sovereign state.

"There is no precedent to follow", Foreign Secretary Vincent Daron, pointed out, adding "therefore it is important to set one. And my opinion is that these individuals have the right to resettle in either nation."

Daron is seen as one of the few liberal voices in a conservative government, and the rest of the cabinet were furious, at least one senior figure set to defect to the religious-right-wing Morality Party in protest. Opinion polls suggest most of the population frankly don't care; local polls in the areas where most migrants have settled (primarily the cities of Yarzoya, Fariynuff and Mambaro) showed a clear split, with business leaders and liberals in support and most others dissenting. A majority disapprove of Daron's policy, but perhaps surprisingly there are more strong agreements than strong disagreements.

The Korean-speaking nation appeared to be suffering internal turmoil of some unknown nature, but its well-educated emigrants are furious at the suggestion they were playing the system. Far from it, pointed out one; the country slipped out of and then back into existence. It has been suggested that an extended parliamentary recess triggered a mysterious rule known only as 'the 28-day rule'.

Jeruselem

22-02-2008, 21:18

Before the Jeruselem vs the Monks game ...

Fr. Adrian and Fr. Justinian approach the JGN media van. Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas (or "Jewbee Dallas") and a female JGN employee are sitting in the van. Jewbee Dallas is wearing the full "Hello Kitty!" outfit and looking spendid, if not a few years younger. Some guards are hanging around in case there's trouble with people threatening the Princess.

(... means some speech impeded mumble)

Girl: Hello fellas!
Jacinta: You here for the freebies?
Fr. Adrian: ...
Girl: What'd you say? Speech impediment?

Fr. Justinian: ...
Jacinta: God, can't understand what they are saying. I think they are saying they want a form to write the answer. You'd better give them one.
Girl: Sure thing Princess, OK guys write the answer on this form. Please write it in French, Latin, English, Hebrew or Arabic. Not Greek, I can't read Greek - neither can the Princess here.
Jacinta: Yeah, my Greek is terrible ...

<Girl hand the Friars a form to complete>

Why the Monks will win the World Cup 39
By Adrian Steinwolfbergowitz and Justy Bergsteinwolfowitz

Because they're hip
Because they're cool
Because everyone they face knows they're no fools

They like to play
Their special way
And when they score a goal they fall and kneel and pray

So this is the cup
Where they'll win it all
But first of all they'll beat all of those awful perverted non-Orthodox sinners, heathens, and heretics that stand in their way - word.

Girl: Hey, look a good one Princess.
Jacinta: Hey, it is. I think these men need free tickets. This one is a winner!
Girl: The Princess likes it, so both of you can get tickets.
Jacinta: Best one we've had so far, Jewbee Dallas likes it.

Girl: I need to see your Jeruselem ID cards and passports. It's not we don't trust people, it's the rules. And a lot of locals tried to score free tickets too. These tickets are only for Jeruselemites.
Fr. Adrian: ...
Fr. Justinian: ...
Girl: You left them at your hotel rooms? I can't give these away without the ID or passport. You know Jeruselem is a bit of police state.

Jacinta: There's time to grab it now before the game starts
Fr. Adrian: ...
Girl: I'm sorry, it's the rules.
Jacinta: You two look more like Monks to me, so are you Monks? You don't look like Jeruselemite monks. We gave tickets to some a few minutes ago. I can tell the difference. You Monks are different from our Monks.

Fr. Adrian: We're actually Monks from The Archregimancy
Fr. Justinian: Yes, we are.
Jacinta: Right, look ... I'm going be real nice. You can have them, I'm going use my royal discretion. Since you made an effort with the question, you can have the tickets.

<Monks look stunned>

Girl: You heard Jewbee Dallas here! Here's your tickets and your "I met Jewbee Dallas" badge
Jacinta: God bless you! Enjoy the game! Don't say us Jews are stingy little people eh! I'm not real Jew but never mind that.
Fr. Adrian: God bless you!
Fr. Justinian: God bless you!

<Monks leave with tickets and badge>

Girl: Strange people
Jacinta: Fancy a couple of Monks from The Archregimancy trying to scam tickets from us. Mind you, at least they had a great answer. I hope they don't get into trouble for that.

Sorthern Northland

22-02-2008, 22:13

The Daily Paper

Hernandez sent home after sex & drink scandal

Reports from the SNFA have today indicated that nineteen year old striker John Hernandez has been sent home from the World Cup having scored a hat trick in Sorthern Northland's impressive three two win over Zwangzug. The striker had started ahead of the injured Jing Mao and was expected to retain his place for the game against The Holy Empire.

STOP PRESS

Just moments ago an official from the SNFA has confirmed the news that John Hernandez has been sent home. The following statement was released on the SNFA's website.

Following discussions between senior players, the management team and SNFA officials it has been decided that it would be best for all parties involved for John Hernandez to be sent home from the World Cup. He is in the frame however to be selected for future games after the World Cup has ended. Due to the tournament already starting his place in the squad cannot to be taken by another player.

This disciplinary action was taken after a game of I've Never on the coach back to the hotel revealed that Hernandez was both a virgin and a teetotaller. One we can accept, two just brings shame upon our nation.

=============

Time of meeting: 10:93 PM (In SN the 59th minute of the hour is written down as 93)

Location: Secret underground walk in wardrobe in The Shannon Military Base, entry is found through the door with the big "TOP SECRET DO NOT ENTER" above it in Shannon Airport.

Present: President Jimmy Sheridan
Bodyguard to the President, Roy
Minister of Propaganda, Vladimir Ivanov
Minister of Finance, John Jordan
Major Rubén Paniagua
Man from SNFA
Mysterious Han man

==

Sheridan: So wait, Hernandez has been kicked off the team?

SNFA man: Yes.

Sheridan: Despite scoring a hat-trick in our first ever World Cup Finals win?

SNFA man: Yes.

Sheridan: May I ask why?

SNFA man: Well the players were playing I've Never on the coach back to the hotel and...

Sheridan: Wait, what is "I've Never"?

SNFA man: Well everyone has a drink and someone says I've Never and then they say something you can do like, I've never been pissed, and everyone who has been pissed then has to drink.

Sheridan: Ah sounds like jolly good fun.

SNFA man: Well Hernandez originally asked for a soft drink but backed down after a while and in the end accepted an alcoholic drink. Anyway after a while someone said "I've never had sex during a World Cup" and everyone drank bar Hernandez, this arranged suspicions amongst the players so they carried on doing ones about sex. I mean they were saying just about anything you could think of but when the coach got back to the hotel he was still sober. A few questions were asked and he said he believes it is wrong to get drunk and wrong to have sex before marriage. It was then decided that he was an embarrassment to our nation, a bad influence on the team and the decision to suspend him from the team until he cleans up his act was taken.

Sheridan: Holy mother of Margaret! This is terrible. This man is a great embarrassment to our nation.

SNFA man: Indeed.

Sheridan: Revoke his passport.

SNFA man: I can't actually do that, I just work for the SNFA.

Sheridan: Oh well can anyone here revoke his passport?

All: No.

Sheridan: Ah that gives us a problem them.

Ivanov: I work closely with the people that are in charge of passports and stuff like that, I will tell them you want his passport revoked.

Sheridan: Ah good man Vladimir. Make sure we as a nation are distanced from this man as well Vladimir.

Ivanov: Will do.

Sheridan: Say, SNFA man why are you still here?

SNFA man: Well I thought something interesting may be happening, so can I stick around?

Sheridan: Absolutely not! This is a top secret meeting for sensitive ears. Leave at once.

*SNFA man leaves the wardrobe.

Sheridan: Why do we hold all our WAR! meetings in a wardrobe?

Roy: Well a wardrobe has the word WAR! in it, so we figure it has something to do with WAR!

Han man: 너는 왜 낱말 전쟁 질호해 미친가 사람 이는가?

Sheridan: What he say?

Jordan: Well according to this Bensroomese dictionary he is saying "Word warfare it shouts why it spreads out and went mad does happen the person?"

Sheridan: What's Bensroomese?

Jordan: Someone called Ben recently declared independence of their bedroom from the United Kingdom. He called his nation Ben's Bedroom and the official language is Bensroomese which is got by using Babelfish to translate English into Korean and then back into English. So I typed the Korean this man just said and translated and I got "Word warfare it shouts why it spreads out and went mad does happen the person?"

Sheridan: Ah interesting, do we recognise this nation?

Jordan: We do.

Sheridan: Good, they may be powerful allies in WAR!

Paniagua: Shouldn't we check this Han person out. Seems suspicious to me. Who are you o' wise Han?

Han man: 나는 전쟁을 위해 너의 계획을 알아내는 너에 감시의 업무에 여기 있는다.

Jordan: He said, "I warfare to you who find out a hazard your plan is here to business of watch."

Paniagua: Ah seems fine to me. I think he wants to help us.

Roy: Speaking of spying, would it not be wise to stop putting what happens in these meetings on the internet? Bostopia or The Han Internet might read them.'

Sheridan: Don't be daft they are both backward countries. They don't have the internet. Ivanov told me.

Roy: Really?

Ivanov: Yes it is true.

Sheridan: So we are being attacked?

Paniagua: Yes it seems that way.

Sheridan: So that's why we bought the meeting over to Shannon?

Roy: That combined with your starting the Sorthern Northland stage of the Tour de Qazox which starts here in Shannon.

Sheridan: What if the cyclists get bombed?

Ivanov: No one will care.

Sheridan: Who's attacking us and what with?

Paniagua: The Han Empire. They are using our planes to..

Sheridan: OUR PLANES!?!?!?!?

Paniagua: Yes I believe you were there when they stole them.

Sheridan: I was and I believe I ordered your men to retrieve them?

Paniagua: You did.

Sheridan: So why do they still have them?

Paniagua: Well with the planes in the air it proved quite hard to get them back on foot.

Sheridan: Well I suppose theres nothing we can do. What are we being bombed with?

Paniagua: Water balloons sir. Some are filled with hydrogen and for obvious reason those are proving to be a bit rubbish at hitting the ground. All the others are filled with lubricant which has flooded our walk in wardrobe back in Beningrad.

Sheridan: THE DEVILS!

Paniagua: What shall I ask Supreme General Kim to ask me to order our troops to do.

Sheridan: We must retaliate. But we don't have any planes left, how can we attack?

Paniagua: Well like you suggested we got our agents to film home videos in Bostopia, didn't prove that they aren't human as we though but they were very erotic. Anyway the Hans took the videos off us and gave us various military things in exchange. Tanks, planes, aircraft, tanks, ships even! Obviously they have the aircraft and planes now.

Sheridan: Aircraft and planes are the same thing.

Paniagua: Ah good think Sir.

Sheridan: And why are tanks listed twice?

Paniagua: The gobshites. They short changed us. Make it look like they were sending five types of vehicles when they were only sending three.

Sheridan: We still have the tanks and ships though?

Paniagua: Yes.

Sheridan: In that case we disguise ourselves as Nobstopians..

Paniagua: Nobstopians?

Sheridan: Erm, Bostopians that's it. So we disguise ourselves and by ourselves I mean our solders as Bostopians and send them in the ships to The Han Empire. The ships land and the tanks roll out and do whatever Bostopian tanks do.

Paniagua: Genius plan Sir, I'll tell Supreme General Kim so he can tell me to issue the order to our troops right away.

Roy: What if it fails?

Sheridan: Haha how can it fail?

Han Man: 너가 가고 있는 것을Haha우리는 있있다 하기 위하여. 우리는 너를 분쇄할 것이다.

*Han Man runs out of the wardrobe.

Sheridan: What the deuce did he say?

Jordan: "You going Haha us in order the description below which is Iss. We to be extensive and pulverise." according to babelfish.

Roy: What in Margaret's name could he possibly mean?

The Archregimancy

22-02-2008, 22:50

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: MFA Position on Jeruselem Competition

Fellow Nations: as we prepare for kickoff for this evening's match, we rejoice at the spirit of friendly competition that has - to our surprise - been revealed by the Jeruselem supporters in the run-up to the match. Perhaps the Jews of Jeruselem may be more sympathetic to the One True Church than we had previously believed.

The Jeruselem competition offering free tickets to the person who writes the best slogan explaining why the Archregimancy will win World Cup 39 has not passed unnoticed here at Monastic Football Association headquarters. While we thank JGN Media for their faith in our squad, we cannot officially condone this competition as to suggest for one second that we believe we might win this competition is not only risible, but would suggest a highly unmonastic lack of humility. We also find it a curious competition for JGN to hold since the only way the Archregimancy can win World Cup 39 is by eliminating Jeruselem from the competition.

We would like to close this press release by commenting on some vicious and slanderous rumours that Archregimancy supporters have been travelling to Valanora to watch our team play. As is well known, only the squad and supporting officials are permitted to leave the Dreamed Realm for Archregimancy matches; we have no travelling support. The idea that any monks could leave the Dreamed Realm undetected is risible, but rest assured that if such an unlikely event were to come to pass, any Archregimancy monk attending a match without official permission would be strictly disciplined. Since, however, any such monks would additionally be unable to procure tickets without some sort of assitance from the supporters of, or organisations somehow affiliated to, the opposition, we can assure you that these unsubstantiated rumours are nothing more than anti-Orthodox lies, no doubt spread by Catholic schismatic freemasons.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Zwangzug

23-02-2008, 00:57

"...So basically, you want me to search through your computer to find a list of anyone that has anything to do with the athletics organization, if possible those who have a motive to...create a nuisance," Timothy summarized.

"That's about it, yeah," Belinda replied.

With extreme patience, Timothy asked, "Have you tried the Search button on your computer?"

"No. Where's that?"

"It would depend on the kind of computer you have. Should I assume you don't know what kind it is off the top of your head?"

"...Yeah."

"I thought so. Maybe you'd be better off with a hard copy?"

"...Yeah."

"A hard copy of what, the database?" asked Ted.

"Yeah," Timothy almost seemed to be hiding a smirk.

"Do you have one? I don't trust her with a printer. No offense."

"Not with me." Timothy pointed his thumb at a first-year (despite the demographic gap on campus, and the fact that only males generally occupied that particular building political correctness knew which battles it could win; that had been one of them) dorm. "Room 256."

"Room 256 what?"

"Is where you should go. I keep backups of pretty much all the information there-newspaper reports, that kind of thing. It gets pretty crowded, though, so you might need to dig through some stacks-but if it's related to the athletics association and it's written down, your odds are pretty good."

"Thank you!" Belinda set off. "Room 256, you said?"

"Yeah," Timothy smiled. "...You'll know it when you see it."

---------------------------------------

Powers of two were wonderful things, but losing to a team twenty-four places lower than his was not Doodlypants Mcgimpy's plan for the second matchday. He made a wrong turn on the way back to the clubhouse. Fortunately, the Olympic Stadium was staffed by people able to direct him there, once they'd established that he was not responsible for messing up the schedule for the Summer Games. (They then rushed off to explain to a perhaps slightly inebriated Sorthern Northland fan that no one person could eat all 50,000 pies. Or something like that.)

"What happened out there? Eleven, you put effort in against the Wholly Frosty Alas-the team we played before. One,"

"They drew, actually," contributed Natalie, who was watching a television with scores and random tidbits of information from around the Cup. "So if we win our next game, or they win and we draw-"

"I was talking to the guy that scored the goal," Mcgimpy went on.

Don't bother, Peter mouthed upon seeing Gary's slightly indignant expression.

"You can try and pass sometimes, it won't kill you. What was with you today?"

"Are you asking us or telling us?" Simon Ryne retorted.

"You're not telling me, so I'm digiting out what I can. What about that Hernandisco-when he had the ball, he was unstoppable. 'Disco, ball, bad combination."

"He knew what he was doing," Mal shrugged. "Focused on the game."

"Hmm. I take that that's too much to ask of you."

"Most likely," Andrew replied.

"So, I take that idea, away, and now you...can and should focus on the game."

"It's not quite that easy."

Mcgimpy glowered. "Seven?"

"What?" Natalie rarely bothered with eye contact, and that was no exception.

"What are you doing?"

"Texting," she replied unashamedly.

"How do you expect to focus on the game if you can't even focus on my pep talks?!"

"At least I'm staying awake, that's gotta count for something."

Fuming, Mcgimpy addressed the LIDYT players. "I'm counting on you guys-"

"Or just plain counting, 13 through 15," Brendan attempted to joke. "Plus or minus?"

"-to know who we're up against next match. Okay?"

"Sure," Steven said confidently.

"That's better."

Eventually, Mcgimpy made it out of the clubhouse. "You from Zwangzug?" muttered a stadium worker.

"Effectively."

"Too effective, if you ask me. Some of us actually had to reorganize the Olympic schedules around you and your..."

But Mcgimpy was already wandering off. The stadium employee had to settle for telling a perhaps slightly inebriated Sorthern Northland fan that no one person could eat all 50,000 pies. Or something like that. With Mcgimpy, something was always lost in translation. And something, perhaps, gained.

Bostopia

23-02-2008, 01:12

---Fort Boston Castle, Fort Boston---

“He says some other country bombed us because they found out we made their luckiest crickets into soup.”

“But we haven't DONE that to anyone else!”

“True yeah true enough. Oh well. At least they're bombing Sorthern Northland now.”

Another advisor came running in. The Emperor looked over.

“Hello, you look out of breath.”

The advisor caught his breath.

“We've invaded Daehanjeiguk!”

“What?!?”

“With Sorthern Northland!”

“Eh?!?”

“Though it's a bit odd. Half of the tanks are in Bostopian camouflage patterns, and the other half are in Sorthern Northland colours, though there are a few that look like they've started painted our colours on but gotten bored.”

“Ahah! It's obviously a sneak attack, so sneaky even I didn't know! Brilliance! We'll take full responsibility!”

“It looks like the invasion will fail horribly.”

“Cancel my last comment, wait, and when it fails horribly, have the Daily Mail print a headline that's likely to inflame the situation with all sides concerned and then I'll come out and say it was a horrendous thing for the Sorthern Northlanders to do by trying to blame us.”

“And blame Communism in the process?”

“Exactly! Now, fetch me my slippers, my pipe, a copy of the Daily Mail, a pen and my writing pad!”

“Dear Mr. Leader.
Thank you very much for your recent letter. I was very pleased when it arrived, and hadn't been opened by immigrant Communists who were looking for money in children's birthday cards that they would steal. They do that you know. I saw it happen myself. I accosted the fellow and shot him 5 times with my Smith and Wesson, in case he survived and said “That's a Smith and Wesson, and you've had your six.” But I made sure that didn't happen, mainly cause he was dead. I used my 6th bullet to shoot in the direction of Sorthern Northland, except only managed nearly shooting a passing dog which was towing an old lady in a kayak down the street.

Don't worry about people getting their clothes eaten off, it's perfectly legal and actively encouraged to be nude here! Not like Jeruselem mind. I'm sure they allow sexytimes in the streets and things. That's just wrong! We will of course respect your laws. Unless they've gotten bombed off the face of the earth or accidentally cooked by your chef. We'll send him back tonight. I'll be sad. I've missed almost having my fingers made into a garnish whenever I go and pick up a pizza.

Oh! I hear that you have been invaded. I'm sure this must come as a mighty shock to you. It did to me. So, really, I'm not sure whether it's us or not. Here are four possible things I might say:

It is us: Didn't see that one coming did you? To be fair, neither did I! ...please don't nuke us.

It's Sorthern Northland: Want to help in our War against Communism? It'll be fun!

It's us and Sorthern Northland: Didn't see that one coming did you? To be fair, neither did I! ...please don't nuke us.

It's you invading yourself: Ooh, there's a propaganda method I never thought of.

In other news, Sorthern Northland made films of adults doing things in Bostonia that you could do... wait a second... I mean Bostopia, doing things that you could do in the streets of Jeruselem, by which I don't mean walking around. I'm not sure people are on two feet that much in Jeruselem, I'm surprised their teams manage to run around for 90 odd minutes without just engaging in a mass orgy on the pitch. Do you think that's a sending off offence? I'd have to yell “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!” or something, while stating how Jeruselem's rising birth rate can be attributed directly to the Dallas family in most cases.

Anyway, I'm a bit annoyed at the Sorthern Northlanders? Would you want people coming – what? Golf clubs? No, darling, there are too many crickets to go out golf club shopping. These are the unlucky ones, dear. They're being shot, that's how I know they're unlucky. Yes, the lucky ones were rather unlucky in being made into soup, but they were lucky in that their crickety lives were taken while helping others. Ohhh, you've made me write what I'm saying again. Yes, yes, I know I'll regret writing about you in that tone. Wait, you don't even like golf. No, that isn't one of my fantasies. I don't think even the Dallas girls could get that up there! I know they've had lots of sprogs, but even you know – sorry Mr. Hanman, let me continue this talk in private.

I'm back! Apparently, she didn't want to put it up hers, she wanted to shove the golf clubs up the crickets and send them back to whence they came. I can see the Daily Mail headline now.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

Empress Teaches Crickets Manners With Golf Clubs, Gets Clothes Eaten.

Crickets Rights Activists, Immigrants and Communists Dismayed, Emperor Takes Photos 'For Scrapbook'

He's the type of man that does things on the cheap! He gave his girlfriend a watch that he found in the street! He buys knock-off DVDs, downloads knock-off films! He scrounges his drinks, what a grubby little man! He's a knock-off Nigel, he's a knock-off Nigel, he's a knock-off Nigel, he's a knock-off Nigel, knock-off Nigel buys knock-off DVDs!

I love sing-songs.

Anyway

Please find attached a crate with your chef in. Don't worry, he's got plenty of food, water and oxygen.

Regards

Emperor Boston

xoxo (they are from my wife)"

Casari

23-02-2008, 02:58

Casaran military deployments overseas were quite rare- and thusly, eagerly anticipated when they did come. So why it went to the units it did was a mystery, but the newly assembled 2nd Honorable Firefighters Brigade was hastily reequipped and sent off on a special mission before anyone could ask any real questions.

Brigadier Greg Reynolds was equally unsure about his command. He was a Colonel a week ago, when most officers turned down the command before it was issued to him, complete with a promotion, a week of training, and a nifty command, equipped with a number of... experimental technologies. Under his command was four regiments- Two newly-reformed Cavalry Regiments, the 14th and 15th Cavalry Regiments (FF), along with the 8th Armor Regiment (FF) and the arbitrarily named 6th Utility Regiment. Reynolds didn't have much time to consider his position, however, as his transport plane landed in Fort Boston.

He walked down the steps of the plane slowly, followed by his staff members. A few of the Bostopians arranged to meet them looked at their unit patch with a bit of disdain, (A pair of trout, crossed blow the silhouette of a fireman's helmet. A bit thrown together, but it was quickly accepted as unique and enviable- no stripes and random colors thrown together.) but Reynolds was more focused on the rather imposing figure- one most members of the Casaran army knew, for better or worse.

"Field Marshal Denfield, sir. Brigadier Reynolds, Casaran 2nd Firefighters. reporting." Reynolds said, just like he had been taught. Looking around at the various elements of the problem, he added, "I believe you have a bit of an infestation."

"No time for introductions!" Denfield said back. "When will you be ready to start?"

"We're landing our leading elements now, sir. We should have a Battalion of troops on the ground immediately to secure the airport."

"Very good! Make sure you don't miss anything." Denfield said. "Hopefully you have more than the one solution- we can't be doing that everyplace."

"We're prepared for a multitude of solutions, Field Marshal. With your permission, we'd like to commence cleaning the airport first, in order to bring in the rest of the Brigade."

"Right, right, right. We expect results, however." the Field Marshal said, retreating towards the vehicle which brought him. In planes behind Reynolds, the lead troops of the 15th regiment, wearing heavy (synthetic) fire-retardant clothing began looking around, walking alongside their vehicles. "Damn, they weren't lying." One said, picking up his weapon and aiming it at the tarmac. One of Reynold's aides quickly ran over and gave the order to begin clearing the airport area immediately. Nodding, one ignited his weapon, turned a valve, and pulled the trigger, spraying a jet of burning fuel across the tarmac and ending hundreds of cricket lives.

"Damn, sergeant, this sure as hell beats being stuck in supply." The private said, pulling down his mask.

Reynolds watched as the next plane landed, behind which troops were fanning out, using their flamethrowers in a sweeping motion to full effect before a captain got his attention.

"Sir, the first elements of the 8th have landed. What would you like them to do?"

"Have the headquarters group set up a post outside the city. Then have the lead elements of the 8th deploy to Fort Boston park and begin releasing the hamsters- make sure they seal off a portion and keep the trackers on before releasing any, or I'll kick their asses myself. We'll have the armor do the fields around the city and the suburbs, where they can maneuver. When the 14th arrives, have them clear the base area, before the two cavalry divisions move into the city center. We'll begin planning the street-by-street operations when we arrive at the headquarters. Where's by bloody car?" Reynolds said, turning to see a car pull up with a corporal behind the wheel. Nodding approvingly, Reynolds hopped in along with some of the staff, the rest piling into a truck following along behind. Reynolds slapped the side of the car as an indication to get going and took a look around, trying to see a bit of the country before work started.

"Bostopia, huh?" He said to the driver.

"Bostopia, sir."

"Hell yeah. Let's go burn some things."

Adihan

23-02-2008, 03:03

Quakmybush Quacked

For the first time in history, Ad'ihan have qualified for the second round of a World Cup Finals. This comes after a hard-earned 3-2 victory over Quakmybush, coupled with an Ariddian defeat of our World Cup 37 cohosts Novapsolu in the other group game.

The results leave Ariddia and Ad'ihan tied on 6 points each and the other two teams with none, making the final match between the two group leaders a mere formality. Manager Dave Hollow has indicated that he will continue to play a full-strength team against Ariddia to try to win the group.

Against Quakmybush, Hollow's men took a commanding 2-0 lead inside 25 minutes. However, the team in the world top 20 – not that you'd realise it – cut the deficit in half with a well-worked, well-finished effort right on the stroke of half time.

Philip Brennan-Evans, a poacher from midfield if there ever was one, struck well on 60 minutes and saw his shot deflect in off the post to restore Ad'ihan's lead, and although Quakmybush got an 83rd minute consolation, the underdogs held on to secure qualification.

Demot

23-02-2008, 03:18

A single hot and sticky drop of sweat trickled down the slick skin of Thoril Forgedawn's face. He was here, in the magnificent museum of Gladerial, the one that housed the legendary White Tree. That tree that was soo sacred to the elves, that soo many stories and myths were born from, and to where Thoril must go, and deface if he was to accomplish his goal. He longed to touch the soft skin of his beautiful wife Isalla, and teach his son all about the world, the good and the ill. Teach the boy how to play this game that had provided Thoril with the comfortable lifestyle he had been soo accostumed to before their deaths. Make Horagian understand the passion and the beauty of the sport, and why the world was united and explained in ninety minutes of competition. He was risking much to do so, he had heard stories from the guides earlier in the day about what they had done to those they caught defacing the holy tree. The tales always ended in the perputrator suffering some sort of ill-timed end or malady that would make death a welcomed pleasure.

He looked down and checked his watch again. If he was going to do this and have any chance of getting out of here before the guards noticed, he was going to need to tive it quickly. A guard passed through the hallway every five minutes, which would leave Thoril the slimmest of margins to gather the sap and or find that nootch that the broken piece of the staff was to be lodged in. He had brought a vial of two liters, Alexa really wasn't specific about the amount he needed to make, but he figured that anything beyond that and he would take too long collecting it and be caught. If his teammates and manager only knew where he really was. He had told them that he was heading out to meet with Kiso Night of the Valanora squad to meet for dinner and hang out on the town. Had they known he had booked a flight to Gladerial and planned to do this, they would of locked him in his bedroom, thrown away the key, and put bugalar bars on his window until morning.

"Ah, but they're likely to lose tommorow anyways. It's the Gnomes for crying out loud, we always seem to draw or lose to them. They are the two-time defending champions, and we're just a bunch of upstarts, and out of form at that. Besides, Roma is plenty good of a replacement, they won't be needing me for that match, and if we do somehow manage to move on and I manage to survive the night, then we might have something to worry about."

As he tried to rationalize his actions in coming, he saw the guard come through the hallway, look at the tree, check his watch, and move on. Now or never Thoril, let's get this done and get out of here quick.

He wiped the sweat from his cheek and quietly snuck around the bush he had been squatting behind. As he inched towards the tree, sliding one foot over the laser protectiong, followed carefully by the other, he pulled the vial out of his belt, as well as his flashlight. The darn display lights only lit up the path to the tree, and not the tree itself, soo findng the artifact was going to difficult. As he moved up against the strange white tree, he was baffled at how the tree was actually part of the foundation and was worked into the design of the building. If he was not rushed for time, he would of been keen to look and discover all the little secrets the engineers had made when they made the museum. As it was, he quickly shook from his awestruck gaze, and tried to work off a piece of the stubborn bark, but the thing was like made of iron. He finally put his foot up against the trunk and yanked with all his might!

CRACK!
oOmph!

Thoril quickly bounded to the side and briefly looked up to see if the noise had attracted the guards. One came rushing into the room, laser pistol at the ready, flashlight in hand, but left after seeing noone making a run for it, and missing the oozing sap from the side of the tree. Slinking back towards the tree, Thoril immiedately slid the bottle up to the oozing sap.

"Come on already you darn slow sap, I aint got all day. The stupid guards might be on their way back."

As Thoril tried to mentally speed up the process, he frantically checked his watch, not knowing if the guard would come back on schedule or what after the commotion he caused. As at last the vial was full capacity, he pulled a cork out from his pocked and thrust it into the opening of the vial, making good and sure that it was in there tight. He was begining to flash his light around the nooks and cranneys of the tree when he heard the sound of shoes tapping along the floor back towards the exhibit. Knowing his time was up, Thoril turned to make his escape, but his foot landed on something, causing him to slip. As he was falling, he saw something above him sparkle as his flashlight hit it, but he was unable to make it out, for as his head hit the ground, the world around him went completely white...

Elves Security Forces

23-02-2008, 03:46

UCS Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13474935&posted=1#post13474935)

Valanora Groups (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13474917&postcount=21)

Qazox

23-02-2008, 04:30

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

MATCH 3: @ Bætica Stadium, Cordubovica, Bætica
Capitalizt SLANI 2
QAZOX 0

For the 10th straight match at the World Cup, Qazox failed to win. An 0-2-8 record over that span is the worst amongst the teams that have played the same number of matches in that span. Including all of the matches played since WC 36 Qazox' record is 1-2-9, still the worst. The team did well again defensively, allowing no goals for the first 2/3rds of the match, but once again, the pitiful offense couldn't keep pace and Capitalizt SLANI managed to score twice to end any hope of advancing to the 2nd round. This marks the 7th consecutive trip to the World Cup, without advancement, a record that Qazox definitely did not wish to own. Four years from now, the team will be 20 years old instead of 16. Will those 4 years of growth and experience help? Or will Qazox be forever doomed to 1st round elimintions?

SUMMARY:
Capitalizt SLANI: Karsten Piestert (Goal- 59')
Capitalizt SLANI: Migelo Luiso (Goal- 80')

PHEONIX GOALS
Tarricone- 7
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 2

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-4 (missed Both the 1st E.I. Game and the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

(ooc: nailed all of the qualifying senarios down to a T, except for my group.. figures huh?
ooc2: I believe now i hold the record for most consecutive 1st round WC flameouts.. DAMN :()

Daehanjeiguk

23-02-2008, 05:18

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

皇 - GAH! We're being invaded?

外 - Apparently.

皇 - What happened to your head?

外 - I had it fixed. Apparently, my stress level is too high, so if I yell one more time, I might have to get a new head.

皇 - What a pity.

軍 - So we're being invaded. Where are we being invaded at?

事 - We're being invaded in Haenam Island.

皇 - WHAT? What are they using to invade us? Who are they?

外 - The Bostopians suggested that it was them, Sorthern Northland, or a combination of the two. I personally think that it's the Casarans.

皇 - Wait, where did that come from?

外 - Didn't you hear? The Casarans invaded Bostopia and started burning all of our unlucky crickets. Oh, speaking of crickets, apparently the Bostopians are teaching the crickets how to play golf.

皇 - Oh, that's nice. Maybe I'll let him keep my sushi chef... no wait, I need sushi. I'll have to find a new seafood pizza chef...

*cricket chirps*

軍 - In any case, we've got one division stationed at Haenam Island, and whoever is attacking us is using strange tactics. Interestingly, the tanks appear to near our own technological capacity.

外 - I still say it was the Casarans. They have every reason to invade us! We bombed Bostopia with our unlucky crickets.

皇 - But we bombed Sorthern Northland!

外 - True, but we also had that brief stint with the Mujeongbu bombing their country to shreds until they stopped for some reason. I think it was because some stupid idiot sent an email disclosing the location of their meeting and the Casaran military bombing the place to shreds.

皇 - Okay. So we've got to figure out a way to make things right...

皇太子 - *enters the war room* GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

*cricket chirps*

皇 - Was that necessary, Taejon?

皇太子 - But Kim Byeongji just scored the winning goal! At least so far!

皇 - Alright, that's nice and all. But how did you get down here?

皇太子 - The television's in the room next to this one.

皇 - Gah! That's not a television! That's our war calculations computer! How did you manage to screw that up?

皇太子 - It's easy. There's a thing called a 'remote' that changes the 'channel'. If you want your war calculations computer, I can change the channel back.

皇 - Please do. And tell your mother that we can't have kimjichigae tonight. I have a feeling that it's going to give me bad gas all night.

皇太子 - Okay. *leaves*

皇 - Okay.

*cricket chirps*

So where were we?

事 - You just said that we need to figure out a way to make things right. And then your son just came in here yelling at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. And then he explained...

皇 - I get the point. So we need to figure out a way to make things right. We don't want to be at war with Bostopia anymore because they are teaching our crickets how to play golf. We want to be at war with Sorthern Northland because they made cricket soup. We want to be at war with Casari for invading us and torching our crickets. Aya... is there any logic to any of this?

*cricket chirps*

軍 - The cricket's right. There's never any sense from it at all.

皇 - Okay, so we're going to destroy this force that has invaded Haenam and then systematically invade Casari and lay ruin to the cities, sell the women and...

軍 - We don't do that anymore. This the 21st Century.

皇 - Oh. Right. So what do we do in the 21st Century?

軍 - We tell them to surrender, they surrender, and then we lay ruin to the cities, sell the women and...

外 - You're getting it wrong. First, we tell them to surrender, they surrender, and then we steal their land, force their women and...

皇 - Okay, so it seems to me that we tell them to surrender. Let's do that first, and then we'll decide what to do next.

=== LETTER TO EMPEROR BOSTON ===

To His Most Esteemed Emperor Boston,

I have gotten your letter, and I wish to state first that the Han Empire holds no more ill-wish against your people. Since your Empress has evidently shown the benevolent side of your people, I can't really stay angry at you. In return for this much desired favor, I'm going to send you another seafood pizza chef. You can keep her this time, since she's a great cook but a lousy concubine (and besides that, my son has too much free time). In any case, if you decide to hold off any invasion, we'd much appreciate it. Of course, we'd also appreciate if Casari would stop invading Bostopia, Sorthern Northland, and our island of Haenam. It's really annoying, and we're going to have to destroy them if they don't leave us and our crickets alone.

Anyway, I was wondering about making an alliance against Sorthern Northland, to punish them for being communist anarchists. I mean, you guys hate them; they've eaten our crickets and probably they have some connections to the Mujeongbu - you remember them, right? - so we both have every reason to invade and occupy... oh wait, not occupy, but plunder... oh wait, yes, occupy, occupy Sorthern Northland. I mean, they've got... beer. I actually don't know what we could gain from it, but I mean you don't like communists, and we don't like anarchists. They're both, so let's do ourselves a favor and exterminate the communist anarchists.

Much obliged,

Emperor Gwangmu

(ooc: nevermind the fact that you mentioned "I can see the Daily Mail headline now"...)

(ooc: nevermind the fact that Sorthern Northland apparently put a Han spy at his meeting...)

(ooc: nevermind the fact that Casari isn't invading anyone, except maybe Bostopia...)

=== LETTER TO CASARI ===

His Imperial Majesty is dismayed to see that elements of your armed forces have attempted to invade and dislodge the Han Empire. We are further dismayed that they causing a big ruckus in Haenam Island. But in our ever benevolent courtesy, we will respectfully ask you to remove your forces from Haenam Island and repay all damages that your troops caused there, including any damages that you caused in your invasion against Bostopia in your quest to KILL THE CRICKETS. We will ensure that if you accede to these demands, we will consider less violent methods of dealing with your treachery.

Also, do you happen to have a female concubine who is willing to have sex everyday with me?... erm, the Imperial Crown Prince at least. He's a sexy bastard.

Again, withdraw from Haenam and we will be happy.

===================

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia 4-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia 1-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)
R16: Daehanjeiguk --- Ad'ihan (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tynelia.png|Tynelia |1 - 2 | Daehanjeiguk|http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

http://img.news.yahoo.co.kr/picture/2008/d8/20080217/20080217220900484d8_222405_0.jpg

Well, there were three different scenarios in which the Imperial Team would progress into the Second Round: (1) the least likely possibility was a Han vistory over the highest seed in the group, Tynelia; (2) the Han would somehow manage a draw, while Bazalonia won their other match against Wentland; or (3) every team makes a final draw for their final match. Let it be said, it was the first that got us in.

The match didn't start well. Sifu Lang had long disappeared from the scene, and there was nothing interesting that surrounded the Imperial Team. And then, Tynelia struck first. And they struck hard. It was a 5th minute goal that dampened the mood for the remainder of the first half. Kim Yongdae was resolved not to make any more mistakes, and despite the early set-back, he was marvelous throughout the remainder of the match. In fact, out of 10 shots, he blocked 7 and counted his lucky stars for the other 3. Tynelia was on target and deadly, and they were working the defense, but after deadlock, the first half ended 1-0. Coming out, the Han began more aggressive offensive play, taking their first on-goal shot of the game. Jeong Jihun wasn't marvelous, but he turned out to be an excellent wing-man as well, while Kim Daeeui took the center spot. It was inevitable that something came through the net, and in the 61st minute, Kim Daeeui equalized. The crowd became ecstatic and rumbled the stadium to the foundation. The fierce attacks slowed as Tynelia were anxious for the chance to qualify, and the play became violent as Yi Yeongpyo was apparently blindsided by a Tynelian player. He returned the favor in a following slide tackle that the referee considered worthy for a booking - the crowd considerably disagreed. Nonetheless, Yi Yeongpyo was lucky not to get ejected; otherwise it could have jeopardize the Han's chances to score the winning goal and put all doubt away. And indeed, Yi Yeongpyo played a critical role as he lofted a neat ball up to the penalty area. The goalkeeper knocked the ball out to an open area, expecting one of the defender to carry it out. Instead, Kim Byeongji came forward and slammed the ball into the top right corner from 20 meters out. That shot brought the stadium to a deafening roar, as the Han contingent played out the remaining 4 minutes, including stoppage time. For certain, the win put the Han into the race.

As it happened, Bazalonia did not win their match, but they also didn't lose. For that reason, the draw between Bazalonia and Wentland put the Han at the top of the table with 6 points - the first team among those 'new' teams that came out during WC36 to reach the Second Round (where also Candelaria and Marquez's fate lies, if the lots favor them) - to play their next match against Ad'ihan - a strong team that has managed to beat out the likes of vastly superior teams in the past. In any case, a loss in the Second Round is a one-way ticket home, but already Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has already accomplished more than any Han citizen could have anticipated. And indeed, due to his heroics, he will likely be remembered for many years, regardless of what happens against Ad'ihan.

And not that you heard it from us, but this is MBC's predictions about how the Second Round will go:

Capitalizt SLANI 3-1 Zwangzug
Daehanjeiguk 1-2 Ad’ihan
Ariddia 2-0 Bazalonia
Yafor 2 1-1 Casari (2-1 aet)
Northern Bettia 1-5 Bettia
WAITING FOR GROUP G
Squornshelous 3-2 Valanora

Match Summary
5' - TYN Goal
61' - HAN Goal (#10)
78' - HAN YC (#7)
88' - HAN Goal (#21)

Goal Scorers:

2 - Kim Daeeui, Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Byeongji, Hong Myeongbo

Jeruselem

23-02-2008, 07:02

Jeruselem Government News

It's SHO TIME for Jeruselem!

No, there's no spelling error! We'll explain.

In a packed stadium, Jeruselem took on The Archregimancy. The teams had played only twice in the World Cup with one win the Monks and other game was a draw. This was just recently in the qualification games. On record, Jeruselem would struggle against the Holy Brothers.

In Group F, Jeruselem had lost 3-5 to Milchama and then scraped home 1-0 against Veprall. The Archregimancy had a draw against Veprall and lost 1-3 to Milchama. What did this tell us? Both teams were close in form and not quite in the Ariddian champion mode. This game would not be an easy game for both teams and well, it wasn't an easy game.

Milchama did help Jeruselem, beating Veprall 2-1 and ended any homes Veprall had. Milchama didn't need win this game but they did anyway.

In the other groups Ariddia won again, Bostopia won a game but were still eliminated and Qazox lost another game. So Dazza's homeland are through, but Hikfie's adopted home is not. Skate's Qazox just continued it's miserable run of losses.

The Princesses vs Monks game was never going be a soft one. Both teams started hard with plenty of agro as the French and Jewish team battled the team from the Dreamed Realm. The referee was busy all first half having to ignore penalty kick calls from both sides. Jeruselem keeper Jane Darian fumbled a ball and Monks pounced, scoring first. The Monks were up 1-0 when the half-time whistle blew.

Kara Kool did what she did best replying for Jeruselem in the 2nd half. Receiving a slick pass from Scarlet Ferris, she barged her way past some Monk defenders proving little Jewish girls aren't wimps. She supplied a cross to Coss Cohen who smashed in the equaliser for Jeruselem. The Monks needed a goal, as a draw was what Jeruselem needed.

A mix-up between Fiskin Dallas and Jollie Jollie allowed the Monks to regain the lead 2-1 and it looked like Jeruselem were going crash out. Flak Sho came on for Scarlet Ferris who was limping a bit and having trouble getting around.

It was then SHO TIME as Flak showed the skills he learnt in Ariddia. The defense didn't have much answer to his slick moves and he threatened to make the Monks nervous. He put in a quick pass to Kara Kool who once again attacked the goal with a curling shot. It evaded the Friar guarding the goal and Jeruselem had their draw 2 ALL.

The Monks went on the offensive, testing keeper Jane Darian a few times. This opened up the Monks to counter-offensives and Flak Sho sealed the result of Monks breaking an off-side trap and neatly scoring the last goal of the game.

Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas (aka "Jewbee Dallas") was full of praise for her man "Flak is my man! Hand off him girls! I want his babies!"

Coach Jane Sanderson was proud of the team
"God, it was a hard game. These monks know football but my team ... they played under pressure. We made a few mistakes but we never gave up. When we lost Scarlet, things didn't look good. Flak Sho was our man of the moment. Yes, he's a fellow Ariddian and us Ariddians stick together as team. Today Jeruselem was the team. It was not Ariddia but then Jeruselem isn't Ariddia."

Jeruselem do not know their opponents, the winner of Group F. Starblaydia, Demot, C&M and Az-Cz are locked together. Wait for this ... 1 win, 1 draw and 1 loss each. 4 goals for and against each with 4 points each. Identical records.

Now, who would be prefer? Jeruselem's record against the Mauve team and Gnomes is bad so we'd like Demot or C&M. Still we have made it to the 2nd round so it doesn't matter who we face.

Kura-Pelland

23-02-2008, 10:22

More than 350,000 people turned up at park pitches across Kura-Pelland and played or watched a full 90-minute game, with one team in Kura-Pellandi national kits and another in Bostopia's team colours, concurrently with Valanora's match against Northern Bettia as a protest against World Cup organising procedures.

With that match being second, and Bostopia winning 2-1 in the first, that Valanoran match was irrelevant save for deciding who would play whom in what the Germans charmingly call the 'achtelfinals'. Or something.

What about that first match? The Kura-Pellandi side never quite clicked, with passes going astray too often, but they looked tough, determined and well-organised, and the inevitable result of all that was a goalless first half. Fedde Beattis gave Kura-Pelland the lead eight minutes into the second half with a header from a Xavier Le Monde corner, but that sparked some life from Bostopia, desperate to avoid a 0-0-3 record, and two goals in five minutes from substitute striker Robert Karr proved the difference. Kura-Pelland, then, finish bottom of the group, and fans filed away from their TV sets to their local parks.

Almost 5,000 matches were played around the country, drawing an average attendance of around 50 in addition to the players; the largest was 293 at Barkham Park, in the shadow of Parwood City's new ground.

The scandal just grew deeper, incidentally, as Northern Bettia cheated their way to a 3-2 win over Valanora (one Kura-Pellandi fan lamented 'at least it was that way round I suppose, going against the hosts') to earn the ultimate grudge match against their ex-colonisers; the Valanorans now have a nightmare tie against Squornshelous, which really really ought to confirm this wasn't a fix. Oh, and Group G has wound up with a remarkable four-way tie, and that means drawing of lots. Perhaps there should have been a dubious goal in that one too, it wouldn't have been any less unfair than what's actually happening. Defending champions Az-cz now have their fate reduced to a coinflip, along with C&M, Starblaydia - and Valanoran puppet Demot, who are almost universally expected to be swindled through. Betting on who will go through has been suspended after Demot were backed down to odds as short as 2/9 - despite the true odds being evens. All four teams were available initially at 10/11 to allow for a bookmakers' profit, but the only team picking up any bets were Demot. Well, Starblaydia got a few, from cynics thinking they'd be let through to then be of no threat to the Valanorans later.

Ariddia

23-02-2008, 12:55

No slip-up in group stage

Where Jane Sanderson might, perhaps, have fielded the “B-team” against Ad’ihan, Fr. Innocent chose to send in the main starting eleven, giving them the extra practice instead of resting them for the next round.

The match was anything but a crucial one, but you might not have thought so as you watched the Ariddian Islanders perform a fiercely energetic ulek. “Sah wa weheshisi!”, eleven voices chanted powerfully at their stoic Ad’ihan opposition. “Stand, and be destroyed!” Cameras flashed in the stadium. The Rouge-et-Noirs rushed at their adversaries as though to stampede and overwhelm them, then fell back and took their positions. The game could begin.

In the ninth minute, Shahrour slipped through the defences of Kenneth Quinn and Jed Fischer, and passed the ball to Abdel Mohamed. She then received it back again, ideally positioned for a perfectly aimed shot on goal. 1-0.

Four minutes later, a corner kick shot by Marek Partres found Shahrour’s head, and she angled the ball into Ben Ropes’ net for a 2-0 lead.

There the scoreline remained for the rest of a first half marred only by an ankle injury for Simon Brine. The team’s sole West Ariddian hobbled off the pitch in the thirty-fifth minute, but team doctors announced during half-time that the injury was not a serious one.

In the fifty-eighth minute, Yuto Takahara and Shahrour delivered a brilliant coordinated attack which pierced Ad’ihan’s defences and enabled the latter player to score her team’s third goal. A fourth goal came in the seventy-ninth minute, when a shot from Takahara hit the top bar of Ropes’ goalcage, and Shahrour headed it in on the rebound.

Ad’ihan narrowly missed out on several opportunities to lessen the gap. In the eighty-fourth minute, Ad’ihan’s Laurénzo Argent took a corner kick. Steve Bryson leapt to receive it, but in so doing collided with Ariddian Si Ewe; the two were thrown off-balance, and the ball hurtling down hit Ewe in the nose before he could ward it off. The Ariddian went down, sneezing blood. Meanwhile, Ad’ihan’s George Connor was able to aim a shot. His view obscured, giant Ariddian goalkeeper Jarl Knudsen was lucky to catch the ball on the thigh; he fumbled and grabbed it, a narrow save. As he did so, the referee blew the whistle, pausing the game so that Ewe could receive medical attention.

The closing minutes were uneventful. With this decisive victory, the Rouge-et-Noirs top Group C, and will meet Bazalonia in the next stage. They move into the top sixteen with the reassuring knowledge that they have conceded only one goal in the three matches of the group stage, and scored an average of three per game.

“It was a good match, but I’m not sure the Ad’ihan players’ hearts were really fully into it,” Jeremy Isaacs said afterwards. “I don’t know. In any case, I wish them good luck for the next round.”

Jamilah Shahrour also received attention as the first player ever to have scored all four of Ariddia’s goals during a match. She emphasised that it had been a team effort.

“Obviously I’m pleased, but I don’t just go out there and score goals on my own. We all work together. I wouldn’t be able to do much if I hadn’t got these really skilled team mates. And those last two goals, well, Yuto really did all the hard work. He should receive the credit.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 4-0 Ad’ihan http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/adihan.png

(OOC: I’ve just noticed I’ve never explained how the names of Wymgani players are pronounced. It’s fairly simple. Each vowel is pronounced, and pronounced seperately from the others. Hence, Si Ewe’s family name is pronounced “Ih-wih” (and not “Yoo”, or anything of that sort). Likewise, Sul Ioe’s family name is pronounced “Ee-o-ih”, with each syllable fairly distinct. Aa Senecky’s given name is pronounced with the two syllables distinct: “a-ah”, not “aah”. Note that her family name is not a traditional Wymgani name.)

Candelaria And Marquez

23-02-2008, 13:50

The Albrecht Herald
What a lot of nonsense…
By Tracker Edwards

Democracy is not the perfect system of government, but it’s the best we have thus far come across. So it is with penalty kicks for deciding matches that require a decisive result – a test of skill, involving multiply players from both sides which, while having little to do with the game of football, none the less provides a satisfactory outcome on a surprisingly large number of occasions. Perhaps it is a lottery, but it is one that has captured the imagination of football fans for decades.

But how do you split four teams who remain on equal on points, goal difference, goals scored and games won when all is said and done? Not with a football, that’s for certain. Instead, a place in the second round or a flight back home will be decided tomorrow when Roque Bravo, Thoril Forgedawn, Benji Fu and Jorge Shockey meet in an as-yet unknown location to draw lots. Unlike the ancient Jews, none of these four young men will believe – one hopes – that the outcome will be decreed by God. There will be no skill here, no affection from deities influencing the result, merely pure luck. And two of the world’s pre-eminent modern Jewish nations will join the peoples of the Candelarias, Starblaydia, Az-cz and Demot in waiting with baited breath to discover their fate. It’s ridiculous, but them’s the rules. Although you can guarantee a legal challenge coming up by Monday by the two teams who don’t get through.

As statistically unlikely as it was, there was an element of destiny about the Group G results of matchday three. As soon as the possibility reared its head that the group could finish utterly even, sod’s law all but demanded that events would conspire to bring it about. From a Candelariasian point of view, this was arguably our best performance in these finals and for the first time Lloyd Donnelly’s men could truly be said to have had the better of the ninety minutes. How inevitable then that it would result in defeat.

C&M and Starblaydia have never met in senior international competition before now, but many of these players – and not only bench boy Jack Stafador of MarquezOW – know each other pretty damn well. Both countries are among the foremost modern exponents of the under-21 game, and C&M are well known in Starblaydia following back-to-back wins in the Di Bradini Cup. At youth level, the two sides have met twice – a two-all draw in the Justantina Cup and an incredible three-three in the 2DBC, with the team then managed by Lloyd Donnelly going on to win four-two on penalties. Aging differences mean that the Starblaydi cohort from those games have been faster to gain full senior places – five members of those early squads in Betaanii Marrones’ starting XI to Donnelly’s two – and it was no doubt the Starblaydis who were happier for it. Edmundo Rivolli will have looked to the C&M bench with satisfaction more than once after noticing that Ben Edwards – a player who had utterly skinned him alive some years earlier – was merely watching proceedings. The resumption of hostilities between Jae Chang-hwa – an inexplicably popular player among Candelariasian fans – and Özkan Yalçin told a different story, while Matteo Corradini and Alfonso Di Angelo didn’t stop kicking each other all night as they had done twice before.

It was a different rivalry that dominated the first half once the initial frenzied to-and-fro had settled down however, that of goalkeeper Fernando Rodriguez and his soon-to-be Cafundó do Juta team-mate Ignacio Vélez. C&M’s star striker played second fiddle to Ramiro Novo in the previous two games and looked set to do so again here when he twice turned provider, first for Novo and then O’Sullivan Caras. The two other offensive members of the Candelariasian sporting diaspora failed to convert the easy chances presented however, Parwood City’s Novo managing to loop his shot over the bar from little more than a couple of yards out and Clube Imperial’s Caras firing straight at Rodriguez, who gathered well.

C&M continued to press however and found reward as the first half ticked away, Caras showing more fight than Rivolli to charge into the Starblaydi box and shoot past Rodriguez and off the post. The ball fell kindly to Vélez, who fired home from half a yard out.

Victory would secure qualification, but so for that matter would a draw and the men in green went for broke. Rodriguez was single-handedly keeping his side in it, saving superbly from a Corradini effort before judging perfectly that another Caras effort would just slip over the bar and onto the roof of the net. Starblaydia’s only chance looked like being on the counter-attack, and they timed their equaliser perfectly. In one of those flowing moves that only a Starblaydi team can do so well, Chang-hwa found Kwame Jabir, Jabir picked out Kalia Canildo who beat Yalçin to the ball and crossed to Tarquin Fullbright to head the ball past Oberon Martinez.

It was a dispiriting blow on the stroke of half-time, and the start of the second period showed just how much the game had swung in Starblaydia’s favour. Suddenly, Di Angelo and Canildo were ripping past Corradini and Ben Head like they weren’t even there, and Martinez was called into action time after time.

The expression of panic on Donnelly’s face told its own story, and his hand signals seemed to baffle the players as much as the viewing public. At times Walter Jordan and Yalçin were pushed forwards by their manager’s flailing limbs, at others even Caras and José Felipe Cassumba Domingos felt duty-bound to hang back.

C&M had their chances too, Rodriguez was always equal to Vélez and Novo, but time was running out for Starblaydia. And then, for some reason that will be debated for months to come or forgotten instantly depending on the outcome of tomorrow, Donnelly blinked first. Seeking to hold on to an all-important point, he took off Cassa once more and gave Connor Mengucci a run-out.

It was music to the ears of Di Angelo. On the eightieth minute he ran at Mengucci, pushing the former under-21 star back and back until he had won a corner off the new Américan. Canildo whipped it in, and time seemed to slow down to allow the thousands in the Temple the chance to appreciate the full horror of the crunch that accompanied Antonio Mora’s winning header.

Not that this was a game of ninety minutes, of course, for the fates of both sides depended on the following clash between Az-cz and Demot. For a time, we kicked every ball with the Dynamos, until circumstances forced us to switch our allegiance. But in truth, that two-one scoreline seemed predestined, and the groans that greeted the final full-time of the day in Longview were drowned out by the sighs of resignation.

The sporting world’s eyes could once again afford to drift away from Group G, but they have but 24 hours to get used to the fact that what may prove the most exciting moment of this World Cup will involve not a ball, not a head nor even a glove, but four little white sticks.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 1
Vélez 39

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia 2
Fullbright 45+2, Mora 80

Candelaria And Marquez

23-02-2008, 17:30

Aaaaaand now... Part Four of the C&M WC39 Subplot. Why? Who knows.

Yesterday...

Lyndon Hernández, the Chair of the Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives All-Party Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and the Minister for Rational Thought, was suddenly feeling very alone.

Partly that was because he was. The vast room could never feel empty, not with all the jolly little flashing lights and beeping things, but there was not a single other sentient life form anywhere near by. He didn’t care for it. Lyndon Hernández was other people. Many were the times he’d wondered whether he had any kind of independent existence without other people looking at him, and listening to him, and nodding at him, and being scared by him, and loathing him. If Lyndon Hernández was to fall in a forest, and there was no-one around to hear it, would he really have fallen? The body would, even the mind would have. But “Lyndon Hernández, MP”? Let alone the “Rt. Hon. Lyndon Hernández, MP”. Sure, only a few thousand people at the very most knew of his ministerial role, but they were enough. They kept him alive, even if he wasn’t actually there with them. The living embodiment of everything they strove to protect; that was the real Lyndon Hernández. Not mere flesh. But when he was away from them for any length of time, he was always worried that he’d come back to find that Lyndon Hernández had died. And without his persona, was he truly a person any more?

He was quite godlike in that sense. Strove… Strove. That’s an odd word. Shouldn’t it be striven? No. Because that would imply that the striving had ceased. And there was much more striving to be done. Mmmm.

He suddenly realised he hadn’t slept for twenty-six hours, and giggled miserably. He didn’t have to be here, strictly speaking, but he had felt he ought to make use of the facilities, as it were. Besides, there was nothing more to be done until tomorrow. Starblaydia. Dwarves in the crowd. They were used to it by now, what with the blasted Di Bradini Cup; but editing out the little buggers from the stadiums was still a nightmare when the match was going out more or less live. And it was a double-header, in the same stadium, with the Az-cz game coming up barely half an hour later. Even if C&M had lost it would still be a vital match, so there was no chance of not broadcasting it. Of course, people usually coped with gnomes these days. The endemic non… whatever it was thing had long since been firmly lodged in the national consciousness. And between albino massai and Rethshaar enthusiasts you could even get past the elves. Unfortunately though, C&M wasn’t exactly popular in countries like these, and some of the banners their fans brought had to be removed, even if only for decency’s sake.

And all that was just for those watching at home. There were several thousand Candelariasians in Longview to deal with. And they’d be dealt with. Very well, if he did say so himself. And now every sensible human being, and several no less sensible individuals with rather less of a claim to that tag, were asleep. The nerve centre here in the ‘Eesseff’, as Hernández would always think of it, was quiet as a mouse. One of those strange, beeping ones.

The minister swung merrily on the metal gantry sweeping over the vast, open complex and listened. Beeping. Just beeping, as you always got in evil genius caverns like this. And, also, a certain amount of awkward shuffling and grunting. And somebody muttering “Sarah, it’s a nice thought, but I really don’t think we can knock him out with the power of our live energy alone.”

This was worrying.

Hernández quietly dropped down off the gantry and onto the floor and peered into the gloom at the far end of the room, not for the first time wondering why the whole place was lit only by candles and LEDs.

“Uh… Hi?”

Mark Baker stepped out of the murk.

Hernández swallowed and smiled. “Ah, Mark… Ve meet againk! It’s good to see you. You look well. Put on a bit of a tum since last I saw you…” He patted his stomach. “Life gallivanting about with the elves has obvious been good to you. Their food’s a bit rich, mind you. It’s odd, that. You’d think it’d be all high-protein vegetables and such forth, but it’s actually pretty damn glutinous. Although I do rather like the stuff they have over here. Funny that. You think elves are all the same, but my; the culinary variation. Do you know if murk’s a word, by the way? It doesn’t sound right. Or strove, for that matter. But I’m blathering, going on about myself. How’s you? How’s the fam…ily…”

Hernández got the impression that that wasn’t a good route to go down. He continued backing away from the former football manager’s stare.

“I wouldn’t know, Lyndon. They all think I’m dead.”

“Well… That’s not strictly true, Murk. Uh, Mark. Your sons think you’re dead. Elizabeth hasn’t given up hope yet. Although, I have to say, the Mercury reckons she’d walking out with Lloyd Donnelly, would you believe? Both widowers, I’ll grant you, but it’s a tad incestuous don’t you think?”

“I don’t read the tabloids.”

“Wise man. Did the elves teach you that?”

“You wrote me out of existence, Hernández. You killed me. You set me up so I’d get transported away with that… thing, and you organised search parties. You had the papers accuse my children of my murder. Most people still think they did it. Rob’s marriage broke down because of it. He’s lost his kids, now. And Elizabeth…”

“Not as though you haven’t left her before, Mark. I think she’s coped admirably with your… disappearance. I don’t know what you’re complaining about, really. You’re a legend, now. Goodbye, Candelaria And Marquez’s rose, etcetera and so forth. It was number one for weeks. And you’d have had a full state funeral, if only they’d found a body…”

“You’re a bastard, Hernández. You’ve ruined everything I had. You took my life.”

“Oh… Seriously, Mark, try and look at life from somebody else’s point of view for once. God, look at you now. Reduced to these pathetic personal vendettas. You threatened to blow the whole operation, decades of work, unless we gave you millions. You were a liability, Mark. People would have listened to you. You should be grateful I let you live, frankly.”

Baker seemed old. You forgot he was in his sixties, usually. He was ageless, he was so in control of Candelarias football. Nobody questioned him. Once. Those days had long since past. He looked shrivelled now. He looked on the verge of tears.

“You took… everything…” he repeated, his jaw quaking.

“Oh, that’s nothing! You should try being me, old man!”

A second figure emerged from the shadows, evading the desperate grasp of another and soon six more legs and attached heads, torsos and upper limbs had joined them.

Hernández sucked in his teeth and counted. “…o, three, four, five, six… Quite the little fellowship you’ve got here, Mark. Or posse, should it be? I wonder w–”

Suddenly, the pale boy Hernández recognised from speaking to days earlier growled and leapt forwards. The minister sidestepped him and jumped up onto a flight of stairs, but the boy grabbed at his Home Office trousers and pulled him to the floor. Shelley spun him around, grasped his collar, and repeatedly slammed his head against the ground.

“Shelley…” Baker rasped as Hernández tried to struggle clear. But the boy thrust his fingers into the older man’s mouth, wrenching out three front teeth with an accompanying howl of pain, before grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and pulling Hernández’s face to within millimetres of his own.

“You should try being me!” he repeated. “Have you any idea what it’s like to be me?! Have you any idea what it’s like to hated and reviled as an insufferable nothing by both sides of your family!? To have not the slightest conception of where you belong?!”

“Yut be supished,” Hernández muttered. He could barely speak. The three incisors scattered forlornly across the room didn’t help, but he felt so cold. His remaining teeth were chattering to themselves, and he didn’t like what they were saying. He was drowning in an ocean of spittle and unnecessary punctuation.

“Have you any idea what it’s like to know with every fibre of your being that you can do and feel and see anything, but you really can’t because of this pathetic body?! That with the deepest part of your soul you know you can sicken or freeze or madden any human you care to with but a touch, but all you can really do is give them a fucking cold or leave them a bit stiff?!? What it’s like to know that as a right of your very birth you can do what you want to who you want because they’re mere nothings, your playthings, your dollies… But you can’t let yourself because of your stupid, insufferable, pitiable conscience!?!?” He crashed the minister’s head against the floor again. “I am everything they are, and I can’t even walk upon their paths!!! And it’s all. Your. Fucking. FAULT!!!” Shelley, still holding Hernández by his oozing neck, turned towards the other five and grinned inanely. “Oh, did I not dramatically reveal that I was half-faerie earlier?” he asked mockingly. “My apologies. I do that sometimes.”

Mark Baker stepped forwards and took Shelley’s arm. “Come on lad. You don’t know what yer saying. Just–”

“Just come away so you can kill him yourself?” the boy smirked. He let Hernández drop to the ground. “Would you care to take a vital organ each, old man?”

“Um… Excuse me?”

The assembled turned towards Tom Redway.

“Look… I don’t profess to know what beef the rest of you have with him, but–”

“You do realise that there’s no way you two could be together while Hernández is still around, don’t you?”

“Well… Yeah, gaffer. But… Do we really have to kill him…?”

Shelley bounced away from the staircase and scowled at the footballer. “You’re not going to take this moment away from me… No-one is.”

“I might.”

The others swivelled to see that Hernández had crawled unsteadily to his feet. He pushed a hand under his blood-soaked jacket, and as Shelley rushed forward casually took out a handgun and shot the boy in the head.

Starblaydia

23-02-2008, 18:21

OOC: C&M, you had me rofling at your Starblaydi Dwarf appearing in the Useless Subplot Pt. 2 - he was absolutely perfect!
-
Luck of the Draw
Unprecedented finish for Group G

It has never happened before, but both teams who progress from Group G in Valanora, along with the two who will be on their way home, will have done so by lots. All four sides - Az-cz, Demot, Candelaria & Marquez and Starblaydia - have won, drawn and lost against each other, leaving everyone on four points. Not even goal difference or goals scored separates the teams, as everyone has scored four and conceded four. Only the alphabet separates them into an order at the moment which, technically, puts Starblaydia as bottom of the pile of four first-equal teams.

"It's an odd position to be in," said Starblaydia's Manager, Betanii Marrones, "and quite frustrating, as non of us have any control, now, over who goes through. I'm sure it must be much worse for the bigger teams in this group, as they will probably think they should be in the Second Round already. For us, there's nothing to lose, as we're still counting ourselves as very lucky to even be here, never mind with a chance of going through to the Second Round."

But how did this unique situation come about? How can two teams aiming to win the tournament, along with two teams who would probably have been very happy with a good Cup of Harmony Semi-Final to their name, get themselves into this scenario?

Az-cz beat Starblaydia, drew with C&M and lost to Demot.
C&M beat Demot, drew with Az-cz and lost to Starblaydia.
Demot beat Az-cz, drew with Starblaydia and lost to C&M.
Starblaydia beat C&M, drew with Demot and lost to Az-cz.

As we can see, there can be no separating these teams by simple head-to-head results, as for every claim that Az-cz should be above Starblaydia for beating them, Demot should be above Az-cz, with C&M above them and, strangely enough, Starblaydia above them. The entire list goes round and round enough times to make your head spin and, in the end, drawing lots seems to be the only way - barring some sort of extra mini-competition - of separating these unequal teams who find themselves in exactly the same spot. A 50/50 chance of going through? Marrones would certainly have taken that when Group G was announced, and now it's precisely that.

Squornshelous

23-02-2008, 20:15

Rematch

Squornshelous followed up their Matchday 1 draw with Bettia with big wins over Dance 2 Revolution and Oliverry to move into the second round, along with Bettia, who did the same. The two sides from Group H will now face off against those who advanced from Group E, which sets up two very interesting second round matchups. Valanora couldn't hold their own against Northern Bettia, and now the Fire Ants will play their colonisers of old it what should be a hotly contested match. Our match, of course, is the same as last cup's semifinal, which Squornshelous won 5-4, en route to a second place finish behind Az-Cz. The big difference is that this time, Valanora, as co-hosts, will enjoy homefield advantage. This is probably the second round's biggest match, with two teams that had hopes for total victory meeting three rounds before the trophy match.

Valanora's playing on their home turf, and thrist for vengeance after a disappointing third place finish last time round will make them a tough opponent. On the other hand, no team are as hot as the Pschychoes, who have not lost since the World Cup 38 Final. Our attack is clicking like seldom before, and the depth of skill on the bench is exceptional. It would be a huge disappointment to exit now after such a promising run.

However the match finishes, this will certainly throw fuel on the fire of rivalry that was sparked between these sides last cup. If draws cooperate, we can look forward to many fierce battles between these top tier teams.

New Manhattan

23-02-2008, 20:36

Milchama did help Jeruselem, beating Veprall 2-1 and ended any homes Veprall had.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc39/
AEROPAG, JI · 2142–07–11 · 0.10 g Au

Capitalizts condemn Milchaman atrocities in Veprall
MECE, VEPRALL—A report from Jeruselem has confirmed that the demolition teams that drove millions of Veprallers from their homes yesterday were part of a conspiracy called the Warrior Peoples of Milchama. The unknown nation (while superficially similar in spelling to Vephrall) apparently has no useful resources of any kind, nor is it strategically located. The only conceivable reason for this war is as an excuse for the Warrior Peoples of Milchama to increase its violence against the Milchaman people, and this diabolical plot has led many Capitalizts to demonstrate against their actions.

Many buildings in the city of Aeropag have banners making statements like Go Home, Thugs! Free Veprall! Other organizations have tried to better target the demonstrations. One small company held a rally in Commerce Heights against the Milchaman “government,” and hired blimps to fly over the Milchaman capital displaying videos of the rally. Still others are working to aid the Veprallers more directly, by collecting food and temporary shelters. The Capitalizt Defense Alliance has donated the use of an aircraft carrier to transport the shelters, once the location of Veprall can be pinpointed.

Cartographers, who are used to dealing with the countless thousands of nations in the world, constantly appearing and disappearing, have faced great difficulty in their efforts to add Veprall to their maps. Normally, a transponder is located in each nation’s capitol building, broadcasting the name of the nation and the region in which it is located. However, the capitol building was apparently destroyed by the Warrior Peoples of Milchama, perhaps fearing that it could be used by displaced Veprallers as a home. The transponder must have been damaged or destroyed along with it. In such a situation, a nation is usually declared “ceased to exist,” but given the special circumstances and the humanitarian crisis, the cartographers have not been quick to assign that status. Several map companies have hired search aircraft to locate signs of the nation, for the privilege of being the first to sell maps including the new land, but with no success.

While waiting for Veprall to be found, many people have written letters to the CDA demanding that they take military action to drive out the invaders. This would not be unprecedented, as the organization previously pledged its support to Falcania in repelling a Sarzonian attack on the island of Diamindokere. However, they have refused in this case, stating that they “prefer to offer any possible peaceful assistance to the Veprallers without resorting to military action.” Smaller military ventures have not been so cautious, and have prepared their forces for battle. As the Warrior Peoples of Milchama is believed to have a much larger supply of armaments, it is unclear what effect they might have, aside from putting the CDA operations in danger.

The flurry of letter-writing has not limited itself to the CDA. Many people have also asked Capitalizt SLANI to eject the Milchaman football team from the ongoing World Cup, who are currently set to play in the second round against an unknown team from Group G (to be determined by lots). SLANI has refused, pointing out that the football team is not responsible for the atrocities, and that while many places still worship the imaginary concepts of “nations” with “governments,” Capitalizts are more enlightened, and should act appropriately. It has been pointed out that the ejection of Milchama would have resulted in Vephrall advancing to the second round, and that it is therefore possible that Veprall is simply a fiction created by a vast Virceisian conspiracy to compensate for their footballers’ incompetence. Few actually believe this theory, however.

Casari

23-02-2008, 23:31

"A letter? From the Hans?" Premier Winter said, yawning. "What about?"

"Something about invading... and surrendering... and... it's really incomprehensible." Governor-General Neuman said, balling up the letter and throwing it over his shoulder into the trash-corner.

"Draft a reply. Get a copy of The Wiener Dog Magnet (http://www.magickeys.com/books/wienerdog/index.html) from the bookstore a few blocks over."

"The children's book?"

"Aye, the children's book. This'll be good, trust-"

"I always liked that book as a kid. The bit with the alligators and everything... it's just a classic."

"Thanks for your support. Anyway, put it in a box, with this note... hmm, just a second, I have to get into my dictating zone."

"Righto." The governor general said, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. "Ready."

"Dear Sirs.

We can understand your distress at being invaded, but we urge you not to worry- no Casaran forces are on Haenam Island. In fact, if pressed, we couldn't find the location of said island on a map, and could not give you a reason why we would ever want it. Hence, all Casaran forces have been removed from the island within the last 1.414 milliseconds.

As an added peace offering, however, we offer a copy of the classic children's story The Wiener Dog Magnet", which we hope will inspire you like it has millions of children to become magnetic animal bridge engineers, and that any complaints which you may still possesses may be answered through the inspiring story of Kiki Marie.

Thank you,
Premier Meia Winter,
The Confederated Colonies of Casari"

"A diplomatic masterpiece."

"I like to think so. If The Wiener Dog Magnet doesn't work, we can send Stanley the Lonely Zeppelin next."

"Oooh, I liked that one too."

Jeruselem

24-02-2008, 00:56

Jeruselem Government News

JGN typo sparks panic in Veprall

An earlier report for our progression to the 2nd round was quoted
"Milchama did help Jeruselem, beating Veprall 2-1 and ended any homes Veprall had."

An error was missed by our checkers and it should have read
"Milchama did help Jeruselem, beating Veprall 2-1 and ended any hopes Veprall had."

Some papers in Capitalizt SLANI have reported Milchama have invaded Veprall, but that's never happened. As far as we're concerned, Veprall is still a sovereign puppet and Milchama has not invaded the place. Don't believe everything you read in the papers, including JGN itself. It seems only papers believe what other papers write which is a bit stupid considering government media aren't a beacon of truth. It is well known journalists aren't the best spellers in the world and yes, we make mistakes - except everyone sees it.

I think most Veprallese looking for an army from Warrior Peoples of Milchama will be sadly disappointed.

Bazalonia

24-02-2008, 02:13

"Dr Ward, to emergency, Dr Ward to emergency" the shrill public address speakers in the waiting room Woolgolga Central Base Hospital caught Andrew Coulter off guard. "She might be mightly annoying, slightly crazy and universally hated. But she's my mightly annoying, slightly crazy mother."

He was still tense ever after he heard of the car accident, no one had told him anything so far, he had no idea just how bad the damage was. Was it wrong that he secretly hoped he might have been rid of her. Probably, but that portion was hardly in the majority, infact it was just barely large enough to get noticed. And so just large enough that he could feel guilty about it afterwards with no chance of actually it changing anything.

However someone disturbed his quiet thoughts... "Mr Coulter?!" a womans asked.. "Hmmm?" he replied coming back to reality as his head was somewhere completely different. He looked up to see a doctor, well he assumed it was a Doctor, she did have the white coat and the stethoscope.

"I'm your mothers Doctor, if you would come with me..."

"Is she alright?"

"You can see for yourself." and she smiled... A sure sign that it was good news, but of course he didn't pick up on it...

She lead him down a coridoor and through some security doors that were prevelent in all major Bazalonian Hospitals. "Your mother is quite fine Mr. Coulter, the accident has merely shaken her up, we thought there might have been some spinal damage originally but we can't find anything on the scans that we have done, Nothing seems to be out of the order. She's quite a nice lady."

"Oh, that's good I thought there was something... You said Nice?"

"Yes, she's been charming the socks off everyone who's met her."

They had arrived at her room, as is always in stories, 2 people walk when they talk and so not to waste time they have them arrive, admitly it's cheating abit but still I said it anyway.

"Mum?"

"Andrew, My little Andy... Come here and give me a hug. I've missed you so much. The nurses won't let me leave so I wasn't able to go over to your place and clean."

"Mum, really, that's not necessary... Oh, alright, you are a big boy now aren;t you. The President of a major organisation, I'm so proud of you... and your dad would have been too, rest his soul."

Daehanjeiguk

24-02-2008, 09:51

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

外 - We got a letter from the Casarans.

皇 - Good. Are they leaving our territory?

外 - I'm not sure.

皇 - Oh, well what does it say?

外 - Well, it's really in comprehensible. *balls the letter and tosses over his shoulder*

皇 - Wait. Why did you do that?

外 - Because that's what I think of it.

皇 - But you didn't tell me what was written on it!

外 - Oh. *uncrumples letter* It says, roughly.

"Dear Mister.

We may understand your pain of invasion, but we have desire to you not to be anxious - no Casari force live on Haenam Island. Verily, if squashed, we would not find area of speaking island on a map, and would not give to you a reason for what cause we could ever wish it. Therefore, all Casari force have been disbanded from the island by 1.414 milliseconds.

As a offering of peace, yet, we give a copy of the classical children history, "The Magnet of Sausage Dogs", which we want to inspire you to like it and has made many millions of children animal magnet bridge engineers, and therefore any troubles which you may still hold may be returned through the story of Kiki Marie.

Thank you,
First Head Meia Winter,
The Confederated Colonies of Casari."

皇 - What the hell does that mean?

外 - I don't know, but I think that whoever is attacking us in Haenam Island isn't Casaran.

皇 - You said they were!

外 - I might have been mistaken. One of our agents in Sorthern Northland picked up the story, and said that Sorthern Northland was disguising our tanks with Bostopian stripes. So we would think that it was the Bostopians...

皇 - Wait, the Bostopians are invading our country?

外 - No. I just said the Sorthern Northlanders are. They want us to believe that Bostopia is behind this. Personally, I think that this war is going out of proportion and that dire measures are need to ensure our survival as well as the survival of all sanity in the world as we know it.

皇太子 - *enters room* GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *snip* OOOOOOOOOOAL! *leaves*

皇 - What the hell just happened there?

外 - Your son just came back after apparently watching a Cup of Harmony match.

皇 - Dammit. At least none of the matches will be affected. Just exactly how many people know about the invasion?

外 - Not many. Of course, everyone in Haenam Island knows...

皇 - So my son's voice just cut off in the middle and erased a completely annoying and unsatisfying section of yelling.

外 - Are you complaining?

皇 - Not so much complaining as more curious. I want to be able to control this mechanism. That way, I can erase every single stupid idea that we have.

外 - Well... we do have this remote control that controls every thing that is stupid. You can fast forward through every stupid thing that you don't want to hear.

皇 - Wow! Let's try it. *presses a button* So what are we going to do about the wars that we have?

外 - We can try...*snip*... and then make peace at the table of discussions.

皇 - Wow, this thing really does work!

外 - Why?

皇 - Nothing in particular...

Starblaydia

24-02-2008, 10:28

The lot-drawing ceremony was a short one, though it went out live on pretty much every television station that was covering the World Cup. Four balls were emptied from a black cloth bag into a large clear plastic bowl that was on display for all to see. All four balls were to be drawn at random by two former greats of Captializt SLANI and Valanora (née Elves Security Forces). Whoever they were, of course, as nobody outside their respect fan base knew who they were. Delegations from all four interested Football Associations were present in the audience, which contained Humans, Dwarves, Gnomes and Elves, among others.

The balls, as had been explained previously but was being re-iterated for the television audience, were numbered from one to four and corresponded to the alphabetical finishing order of the teams in Group G. Az-cz were number one, while Starblaydia were number four. All four balls would have to be drawn, for the sake of completeness and fairness, but only the first two would qualify for the knockout stages. Jeruselem and Milchama, the Group F opponents that would meet these two teams in the next round, awaited the results anxiously along with everyone else involved.

The Starblaydi delegation in the audience included Betanii Marrones, Roque Bravo, Apollina Iakovakis and Simeone Di Bradini, along with the usual namesless, faceless SFA officials. The balls were emptied into the bowl and, with their views hidden by a black cloth, the former stars put their hands into the bowl and swirled the objects around. It was all very quaint and traditional, one almost expected LCD screens and the possibility of rigged compter 'random' selections. The SLANI player was going first.

"And the first ball is.." the World Cup Committee representative, who was hosting the event, was all smiles. He was obviously hoping for Az-cz and Demot. The SLANI player withdrew his hand, looked at the number, then turned the ball for the number to face the camera.

"Number Four."

"Starblaydia!" The host said, with more excitement than he felt. "It's Starblaydia versus Jeruselem at the Hatire Memorial in Capri. Fifty-seventh in the world plays fourteenth, what a draw it is for the Purple Peril."

There was somewhat of a commotion in the audience. The Starblaydi delegation were obviously delighted and, for the three other Associations present, there was nothing but nerves: two of the three would miss out, and they all assumed it would be them. The decidedly pointy-eared former Valanora international footballer (though watching on C&M TV you'd have no idea) dipped his elegantly-manicured hand into the pot, swirled the balls around with his fingertips and withdrew one, deftly rolling it around his fingers. He looked at the number and smiled.

"Number Two." The studio erupted.

"Candelaria And Marquez!" The host said, getting a little carried away with the thought that, under his watch, two top-ten teams had just failed to make it to the Second Round, with two teams outside the top twenty-five, one of which barely inside the top sixty, progressing instead. "Milchama will face Candelaria And Marquez in the Second Round, while the two-time defending World Champions, number one in the world Az-cz, along with top-ten Demot, go out!" The celebrations from Starblaydi and C&M delegates were barely audible above the complaints, accusations and general grumpiness of the Az-czzid and Demot parties. "We must, however," the host said, "proceed to draw both remaining balls to ensure a valid draw."

The SLANI player went nex, followed by the Valanora player.

"Number One." Az-cz.

"And, finally, number Three." Demot.

"So," the host said, still attempting to smile, "the winners of Group G, facing Jeruselem at the Hatire Memorial Stadium, are Starblaydia. Runners-Up, Candelaria And Marquez, will meet at Gladerial's White Fortress. Az-cz finish third, while Demot at fourth, and both are eliminated."

He had to admit to himself, however, that it might be good for the game to see a result such as this. The Starblaydi and Candelarian fans had, after all, been good value in this tournament so far, and it would be nice to get a different champion this time around. The conspiracy theories, as well as loss of revenue from Az-cz, however, would surely have an impact on the World Cup, if not his future career.

Some Starblaydi fans had managed to attend the ceremony, sitting right at the back. Apart from cheering when their ball had been drawn, they had sat relatively silently. Not now. Their chanting echoed through the studio as the ceremony went to its closing credits.

"The KPBs, are upside-down!
Starblaydia's up top, Az-cz's going down!"

Jeruselem

24-02-2008, 11:30

Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and Flak Sho in front of a crowd of people

Jacinta: Hello! It's Jewbee Dallas here! This is a special edition of THE FOOTBALL LIFE. I'm with super hunk Flak Sho.
Flak: Hi, my girlfriend is always over doing her comments.
Jacinta: OK, the two teams from Group G have been decided. Mind you by drawing lots which means it's a bit of pot luck. Two teams have to be chosen and two have to go!
Flak: The two teams who progress face Jewbees Milchama and of course, us!

Jacinta: I'm quarter Jewbee, and Flak is real Jewbee.
Flak: Now who faces God's children?
Jacinta: Err, well ... it's not Demot and Az-Cz.
Flak: Meaning it's C&M and Starblaydia

Jacinta: This means defending champs Az-Cz cannot defend their title. And Demot were unlucky. In fact, we've just lost two top ten seeds ... not counting Sel Appa!
Flak: I'd like the say this to the people in Az-Cz and Demot, we feel very sorry for you! You didn't drop out due to bad performance, just bad luck.
Jacinta: It's so sad things have to be this way!
Flak: Yes, we made it but it's sad to lose these teams.

Jacinta: So, it's the lower seeds C&M and ... Starblaydia!
Flak: That will upset the rankings!
Jacinta: Now, Milchama got paired with C&M.
Flak: Say, there's a lot of Jews in C&M.

Jacinta: Yes, so it's two Jewbee teams facing each other. And ... bloody hell!
Flak: Jeruselem play ... Starblaydia.
Jacinta: Again!
Flak: I notice Dallas girls have a phobia to playing Starblaydia.

Jacinta: At least, we're the higher seed this time.
Flak: That didn't help Demot and Az-Cz
Jacinta: Any advantage over Starblaydia helps.
Flak: You want revenge?

Jacinta: Of course, we do. Us Dallas girls don't forget the days when the Mauve Menace ruined good cup campaigns
Flak: Well, so it's Jeruselem vs Starblaydia and Milchama vs C&M.
Jacinta: Rest assured, Jeruselem are ready. My mother might have failed, my sister might have failed but Jacinta's team will succeed.
Flak: I think Jacinta is on a Crusade here!

Jacinta: Yes, don't miss the game. It'll be a special day, and if we win it'll be even more special.
Flak: I'll be out there against the Purple Peril.
Jacinta: No, it's the Mauve Menace.
Flak: Boy, she's all worked up

Candelaria And Marquez

24-02-2008, 14:20

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>World Cup>Latest Updates

Donnelly thanks his lucky balls C&M manager Lloyd Donnelly has spoken of his relief after his side secured a place in the knock-out stages by pure dumb luck. The Big Blues’ ball was pulled out of the pot second in the early hours of this morning; knocking the reigning Cup champions and recent runners-up Az-cz and Demot out of the tournament and prompting celebrations across most of the Candelarias’ major cities that are still yet to die down. The draw means that C&M join fellow BoF23 refugees Daehanjeiguk and Ad’ihan in the last sixteen for the first time. Though Ulospavon, Vephrall, Kura-Pelland and the Sortherners ultimately came up short, the performances of this World Cup help to lend further credibility to the much-maligned tournament system employed by the Lowland Clans eight years ago.

Donnelly could afford to be magnanimous after the draw, admitting that his counterparts Alexander Floorin and Kor-Lash would have every right to be as sick as pigs, and claiming that the events of Group G would serve as a lesson for future hosts to establish a less arbitrary means of unscrambling a four-way tie. “It’s ludicrous that random numbers can play any part in professional sport,” Donnelly told TV1’s Keenan Bailey. “I’m delighted we got through and I think on the balance of play we deserved it, but a situation like this can’t be allowed to occur again.”

Neutrals may argue that justice will be done if both C&M and Starblaydia fail to progress, and the figures suggest they will get their wish. The former face a daunting clash with former runners-up Milchama, who eased to victory in Group F and lost just a single game in qualifying. In seven games at the World Cup finals, C&M will still only have faced a side from outside the AO once, but the Milchamans are less familiar to Candelariasian fans than many of the region’s residents. The senior sides have never met, though the under-21s have clashed twice recently, with a victory apiece.

Those results will likely count for little however, with none of the last Di Bradini Cup-winning side likely to start for C&M and the identities of the Milchaman youth squad still unclear. It remains possible that Donnelly could throw Connor Mengucci, the captain at DBC3, into the midfield; but at this stage he appears more likely to be interested in fighting fire with fire. The poor form of José Felipe Cassumba Domingos could well see him dropped in favour of the Emperor’s Cup-winning Gwangdong midfielder Fred Ma, with Donnelly retaining the option of dropping Ma into the hole behind Ignacio Vélez and allowing Ramiro Novo to drift out onto the left. William Burgos could also replace Walter Jordan in the right wing-back slot.

Despite their higher ranking however; Donnelly, if not the tabloids, will have no doubt been pleased to avoid Jeruselem. Though C&M’s under-21s have had the edge over the young Jeruselemites in recent times, the senior teams have met on four occasions with the Princesses ranking up three victories, with only former ‘keeper Rueben Uwakwe saving C&M from a whitewash. In either case, C&M were always destined to face a majority Jewish nation in the Round of 16. The Rabbi Julian Haim, of Arrigo’s Sinagoga del la Calle del Mosaico, described the impending meeting as a tremendous opportunity to further community relations in the Candelarias and the public understanding of the contribution of the Candelariasian-Jewish population on TTO’s Evening News last night, but no-one really paid any attention.

Zwangzug

24-02-2008, 15:47

What a game! I have to say I'm glad it ended up in a tie, both teams played really well and definitely deserved to go through. I was watching the scoreboard trying to figure out what the score in the other game meant but it was too...

Audrey scribbled out "fast". Football wasn't really all that fast-paced. Back and forth and up and down the field, steadily, but not fast. too confusing! Anyhow, it was a good game. I think? You played well, anyhow. I focus on watching the midfield, after all, that's where most of the players are. Didn't expect Velastros to score a goal, though. But Nahanor just tapped it to him and...well, you were there, you saw it! Or did you? I guess you don't get to relax and watch like we do, so maybe you were still focused on the game.

Vanderpent's goal, though, that was really impressive. I had just gone to get a hot dog and when I came back, Zwangzug was tied. (Great hot dog, too. I asked if I could pay in lead, it being the alchemy stadium and all. No luck, but I didn't have any so whatever.) It was really fun to watch after that with both teams trying so hard to win. Funny, too, when Simon Ryne tripped and fell after that one shot he had no chance at. Andrew was ridiculous playing way too far out of position, but it paid off when he got the ball away from Meleherat. Couran's pass to Vanadrin at the end there was perfect, I thought, but Barnes just was in the right place at the right time. You guys weren't really better overall, no offense, but not worse either-just a great tie. The way football should be, right?

Congatulations, and good luck next round! (And go Ajer!)

Love, Audrey

Audrey signed her name with unnecessarily many loop-de-loops, folded it, and put it in an envelope. She put a stamp and her return-address sticker on the envelope, then began the tricky task of addressing the thing.

---------------------------------------

Fluid time is a funny thing.

It probably didn't, for instance, take Belinda and Ted a day to get to room 256 after they'd met with Timothy. And it probably didn't take two years to wind up there from the time Sloopy had appeared outside the skyscraper. So maybe, when they finally pushed open the door the faculty had decided it was best just to leave closed, there wasn't a football game on at all.

But if any of Belinda's encounters coincided with any matches, it was those. Matchday three. World Cup 39.

The paper was everywhere. Stacked on teetering piles, arranged in pamphlets, ripped from books, sprawled in sections of newspapers, haphazardly sorted into folders, bearing fringes from spiral notebooks. It had been illegibly scrawled, dutifully written, rapidly transcribed, hilariously mistranslated, accidentally uploaded, downloaded with curiosity, neatly printed out, folded into smaller areas, removed from clipboards. It had given paper cuts and brought news good and bad. It was accurate, biased, descriptive, algebraic, comprehensible, incomprehensible, text, images, bureaucratic tedium, heartfelt sentiment. It came from Jinkton City, New Manhattan, and (one notice, at least) from the dean's office.

Belinda wandered through the heaps, glancing at a protruding paper or two, but the magnitude of the information there overwhelmed her. There was no way they could go through it all.

"If it's pretty recent, it should be towards the front. I wouldn't hide an updated list back there," Ted interrupted her.

"Right..."

Dazed, she walked forward increasingly purposefully. "Any idea where we start?"

Ted grabbed the first sheet he saw. "Right here."

They went through the first pile fairly quickly, needing only the briefest of skims to determine if any given document was relevant. They slowed down around the third, fatigue making it routine. "What if we miss it because we're too tired?" Belinda fretted.

"Take a break if you want."

She paced around, browsing farther back, glancing at particularly interesting-looking pages until she got jaded enough to go back to the search. Maybe they could find it, it would cheer her up.

"How about "Footballers master list"? I think?" Ted squinted at some handwriting.

"Can't hurt." She peered over at it. "Now we have to...we don't have the e-mail. So we'll have to wait and gather up anything that looks like a good lead and bring it-"

"Step ahead of you." Ted whipped out the e-mail in question. "I told you I didn't trust you with a printer."

Belinda laughed. "All right. Want to just read off the first name on the list, then I'll check it against these? They're at least in alphabetical order."

"Hans Aufbau."

Belinda flipped her sheet. "Olson...nope."

"There's not even an "O" in "Aufbau"."

"Oh."

"How about Ethel Linden?"

"Lauren...er...no, no Ethels."

"This could take a while..."

some time later

"...Mandell, Luke. M-A-N-"

"D-E-L-L? L-U-K-E?"

"Yeah."

Belinda was too numb to remember exactly what they were supposed to be doing. He read off names and she didn't find them. What were the odds that they'd happen to have the same-"Wait, no. We're there. We have to be!"

Ted shrugged.

"What does it say?" she urged.

"Uh...Zwangzug footballer, tried out for national team before World Cup 39-"

"That's this one!"

"-unsuccessfully."

"Just bitter he didn't make the team?"

"He went to a lot of effort if that's all."

"Should he have been left off the team?"

"You think I know? You're the one in charge of this."

"In charge? You've spent too long around me to believe I know what I'm doing."

"That's...true actually." Ted read through the paper. "Says here something about...perpendicular skill?"

"Unparalleled," groaned Belinda, who had studied Spanish in high school but was finding herself much more fluent in Mcgimpy-ese. "So he was good, but didn't make it, so...tried a creative way of getting revenge."

"I guess so." Ted slowly stood up.

Was it over? All their searching, their false starts, their improbable successes? She found nothing to say but "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ted smiled broadly and sincerely, and they headed for the door.

He walked into the hall, just another young man on campus, and Belinda hesitated. "It doesn't make sense."

"Huh?"

"Why didn't he make the team? If he was that good?"

Ted stepped back in and picked up the paper. "Rule-breaking, it looks like."

"What?"

"Something about..."drawing too many handballs to be a decent center-back"."

Milchama

24-02-2008, 18:26

"Wow what a weird end"

"Yeh having a striker lose a leg in first half, not sub him out and then have the leg grow back and he scores a goal to beat Vephrall."

"Fecking weird"

"Yes, plus we ended any homes Vephrall had so we apparently invaded and left the country before anybody knew what was wrong"

"Nukes can do wonders"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

"Just kidding nothing happened, we actually just ended any hopes Vephrall had of advancing though we did break a few knee caps along the way."

"Really?"

"Yeh our rioting fans struck again, they went into the Vephrese fan section and struck down upon them mightily with a hard hand and with cricket bats getting into a massive brawl that we won"

"Excellent good to hear our tactics of annihilation of all others are working"

"You're not supposed to say that outloud!"

"What did I say?"

"I have no idea"

"Ok so then after that weird gibberish you just said can you please tell me what's up with our opponents, I'm still not 100% sure who they are"

"Ok so here's what happened, in Group G Az-cz beat Starblaydia, drew with C&M and lost to Demot. C&M beat Demot, drew with Az-cz and lost to Starblaydia. Demot beat Az-cz, drew with Starblaydia and lost to C&M. Starblaydia beat C&M, drew with Demot and lost to Az-cz."

"That's really confusing"

"Agreed and it makes everybody equal because H2H works equal plus they all have the same 0 goal difference meaning there is no way to separate the sides"

"So then what are they doing?"

"They already drew lots and Starblaydia won the group while Calenderia and Marquez finished second"

"Ooooh so who do we play?"

"C and M"

"And how are they compared to us?"

"Worse"

"By how much?"

"I think they were third seed in the group"

"Excellent, that's a victory and who do we play in quarters"

"I have no idea do I look like somebody who can READ?!"

"You are from Milchama"

"A bunch of nomads on horses, whoop di doo"

"Actually try one of the most educated nations across all of Atlantian Oceania and thus the World Cup World"

"Hmmm.... well then I probably should no how to read"

"Idiot!"

"Fool!"

"Madman!"

"Bastard!"

"Let's go Warriors!"

"AESH AESH MILCHAMA! LOH TESACHEK HAGANAH!!!!!!!!!!"

Candelaria And Marquez

24-02-2008, 18:52

Some days ago, probably…

Yes, it’s the fifth part of the increasingly impenetrable subplot. No, me neither mate.

Still holding the gun; Lyndon Hernández, the Chair of the Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives All-Party Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and the Minister for Rational Thought (but we shall call him Hernández, best beloved), bent over and picked up a tooth. He regarded it coldly.

“God… It’s a butty gut dob Candadaryidian dendid lid like kingd, I can dell you.” He sighed. “Though this probably isn’t the time for my South African accent, is it?”

He spotted Mark Baker shakily putting his hand under his shirt, and waggled his own gun with a tutting motion.

“I wouldn’t be doing that, if I were you, Mark. I only have to click my fingers and there’s an array of nasty little weapons trained on you,” he fibbed, before noticing a shape looming out of a second floor entrance. “More to the point, I’d like to direct you towards my left shoulder and then up a bit… there we are, yes, where my dear assistant Daniel Martino is standing with a very big weapon indeed pointed at your head. You don’t look like a man who’s done this sort of thing before, Mark. Let me assure you, Daniel is that man.”

“At least let us try and help him!” Tom Redway shouted at the minister. Not that there seemed a lot of point. Shelley was quite clearly stone dead.

“Uhhmmmm… No, no. I don’t think I’m going to be doing that.”

Baker wiped his hands over his wrinkled, ashen face. “God fuck you Lyndon. He’s just a boy! How could you stand there and just kill him like…”

Hernández looked pained. “That’s a bit harsh, Mark. He was trying to kill me, and I haven’t even done anything. I don’t think. Besides, you can hardly call it ‘killed’. These aren’t iron bullets, and I’m pretty sure they’re not full of salt.”

“Wha..?”

“He’s a faerie, Mark. You can’t just shoot them. He’ll be right as rain in a tick.”

“Lyndon, he’s… You don’t really believe that guff, do you? He’s just a stupid kid, he doesn’t…”

“Oh, for crying out loud. You get zapped to god-knows-where for a few months with a bloody great sasquatch and an essanemmelf, and you still can’t take this stuff at its face value? God, humans are stupid, aren’t we?”

“Only the Candelarian ones,” Ma-Gl muttered.

“Candelariasian,” Hernández, Baker, Tom and Sarah corrected absent-mindedly.

The seven still standing watched the corpse thoughtfully.

“He… He did say half-faerie though, didn’t he?”

“Ah. Yes. Yeah, I’d sort of forgotten that bit,” Hernández conceded. He prodded Shelley with his foot.

“Ow,” the corpse intoned. He opened his eyes and quietly scrambled to his feet.

“Hi, Shel. Nice to see you up and about. Looking a bit pale there though, even for you…”

“I’m still going to kill you, ol… slightly more mature man.”

“I don’t suppose I could have a hint as to why, before I kill you again first?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know…”

“Yes please.”

“Well, I–”

The next thing that happened was that there was an almighty, end-of-the-world style crash, a large chunk of the ceiling collapsed, thankfully some distance away from all the main protagonists otherwise this would have ended even more flaccidly than it’s going to anyway, and a short but bulky figure came swinging down through the hole on a rope, with an accompanying sound on a general theme of “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!”

The ball of fury swung through the air towards the wobbling Shelley, lifting the boy clean off his feet and over his shoulder in a single movement and continuing up into the loftiest heights of the cavern until its momentum gave out and it fell backwards to finish swaying gently a metre away from Hernández.

The minister looked into the eyes of a dwarf. It was certainly Starblaydi. The Tarquin Fullbright replica shirt was a bit of a giveaway. Otherwise, it certainly bore more than a passing resemblance to the one Hernández had seen with Shelley days earlier, though the brown fedora perched on his helmet seemed an unnecessary affectation.

The dwarf appeared to feel that a bit of explanation was in order. “Ah ne’er forgit anyain fa buys me a pint ay swally, maister ministeh! Sae if Ah hear ay ye harmin’ anither hair oan thes lad’s heed, yoo’ll hae Kazador Brokki Drakkiborgo an’ aw his sons tae answer tae! Ye kin me!?”

“Uh… Let’s go with yes.”

“Alrecht ‘en.”

“But I want to kill him!” Shelley protested impotently from the dwarf’s shoulder.

“Ye jist hush, laddie.” The dwarf lent towards Hernández. “These wee jimmies today! Sae demandin’.” He paused thoughtfully. “Ye cooldnae gezz a wee push, coods ye?”

“Oh, of course.”

“Thenk ye.”

With a heave from Hernández, the dwarf’s impressive collection of neck muscles clenched and he and the complaining half-faerie were lofted back up into the air with a “!!HHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA”, smashing once again through the ceiling and off into the night.

Hernández watched several half-bricks and part of a chimney fall at his feet, and wiped the dust from his hair. “Well. That was a gratuitous guest appearance,” he sighed. “How did he do that, I wonder? The whole…” He made a back-and-forth motion with his free hand.

“I believe his hat was inscribed with the master rune of swinging,” Tony, the elf who I’d temporarily forgotten about, sighed contemptuously.

“Alright, well. That’s one down, I suppose. Now… Which one of you lot do I dispose of next?”

Adihan

24-02-2008, 20:17

The phone rang. "Oh, what now," Thomson muttered as he leaned over the side of his bed to get the blasted thing that only grew louder each time the ringtone ended.

"Davey. It's Hunter, at the Islands Daily. Your column, it's not in yet. We were expecting it before the Daehanjeiguk match..."

Thomson mumbled something incomprehensible into his mobile.

"What?"

"IsaidI'llgetitinsoon."

"Huh. Okay. I need it by nine tonight. You have my email, yes?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Clearly nursing a massive hangover, Davey Thomson got up and turned his laptop on. He'd gotten hammered after Ad'ihan themselves got hammered, a 4-0 defeat at the hands of Ariddia.

Collapsing back into his bed, he looked for the number that just rang, and dialled it.

"Hello, Islands Daily..."

"Hunter. Take dictation for me."

"Whaa--?"

"You heard me, take dictation."

"All right..."

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

POINT OF VIEW
Daewho?

By DAVEY THOMSON
Football Columnist
Speaking to HUNTER STEWART

All right, so I know who Daehanjeiguk are. They're one of three teams from BoF 23 (World Cup 36) to make it to the last sixteen. Indeed, we're one of the three teams too (Candelaria And Marquez, in Group G, are the third team).

It could've been worse. Daehanjeiguk – hereafter shortened to Han – won their group, thankfully. They beat Bazalonia into second place. We could've had to face, yet again, a team that caused us much grief – beating us at Protectorate Stadium – in the qualifiers, and surely Dave Hollow's men would have wanted to avoid that.

Oh, and speaking of Group G: Starblaydia, the team I said wouldn't make it past the qualifiers, won the group. Granted, it was on lots after all four teams tied on number of wins, head-to-head, goal difference and goals scored (what're the odds?). Still, they, for a team barely in the top sixty in the world at the start of qualifying, have done brilliantly well.

I apologise that this is a short column, but I'm recovering from the after-effects of our four-nil drubbing to Ariddia. That will have taken a lot of steam and momentum out of the boys, and I hope Hollow's able to get them going against Han.

PS. Did anyone read the Ariddian news report of our match? They used our pre-independence flag! What a travesty!

Davey Thomson has been Radio Ad'ihan International's Chief Football Correspondent for the last 14 years and has covered the entirety of Ad'ihan's football history. Unfortunately, due to an alcohol accident, he was unable to write this column and had to dictate it.

Daehanjeiguk

25-02-2008, 02:31

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

*The Emperor was stuck in his study, writing a letter back to Casari*

"To First Head Meia Winter of the Confederated Colonies of Casari,

I am pleased to hear that you have disbanded your military. I'm not quite certain why you did that, but I think we've discovered that it wasn't your forces that invaded Haenam. In any case, they will be promptly destroyed and the scraps sold for future military equipment. The bodies will be summarily cremated and their ashes dispelled into the sea, as is custom for the death of foreigners - so that the seas may carry the bodies back home (in this case, wherever the hell they came from).

I'm also confused at this book that you said was a children's history book, but it's about an animal that buys a magnet that attracts all sort of animals. I'm clearly confused about this history. Were Casarans at one time animals that sold animal magnets to other animals? If so, I'm not sure why you would send this to us. And in any case, we were trying to read it, but it seems to be unintelligible to us. What is a "Kiki Marie"? And what is the connection between this "Kiki Marie" and the lauded profession of many Casaran children - that is, animal magnet bridge engineers? I can honestly say that we had many troubles reading it, because there was no message of peace.

We have much to discuss, including the treatment of our crickets in Bostopia, especially as the Bostopian Empress has been teaching them to play golf. We'd like to know any sort of discrimination that you have against these noble but unlucky creatures, and try to address them civilly.

Much obliged,
Emperor Gwangmu

*reads out loud*

皇 - To First Head Meia Winter of the Confederated Colonies of Casari,

I am pleased to hear that you have disbanded your military. I'm not quite certain why you did that, but I think we've discovered that it wasn't your forces that invaded Haenam. In any case, they will be promptly destroyed and the scraps sold for future military equipment. The bodies will be summarily cremated and their ashes dispelled into the sea, as is custom for the death of foreigners - so that the seas may carry the bodies back home (in this case, wherever the hell they came from).

I'm also confused at this book that you said was a children's history book, but it's about an animal that buys a magnet that attracts all sort of animals. I'm clearly confused about this history. Were Casarans at one time animals that sold animal magnets to other animals? If so, I'm not sure why you would send this to us. And in any case, we were trying to read it, but it seems to be unintelligible to us. What is a "Kiki Marie"? And what is the connection between this "Kiki Marie" and the lauded profession of many Casaran children - that is, animal magnet bridge engineers? I can honestly say that we had many troubles reading it, because there was no message of peace.

We have much to discuss, including the treatment of our crickets in Bostopia, especially as the Bostopian Empress has been teaching them to play golf. We'd like to know any sort of discrimination that you have against these noble but unlucky creatures, and try to address them civilly.

Much obliged, me.

Sounds about right.

皇太子 - What are you doing, dad?

皇 - A lot of stuff that you will hopefully never have to do.

皇太子 - Really? Well, I was wondering...

皇 - Yes? What troubles you?

皇太子 - I want to play in the Bradini Cup.

皇 - *gasps and nearly faints*

皇太子 - Are you okay?

皇 - Yes... I think so. But you said what?

皇太子 - I want to play in the Bradini Cup.

皇 - *gasps again* But why? You don't play football!

皇太子 - I've been practicing. I play nearly everyday, and I've talked with some people. They said that they would field me on the pitch if I go. But I have to ask for your permission first.

皇 - What the hell does playing football have anything to do with being Emperor?

皇太子 - Everything! I mean, you have the opportunity to play with professionals, and show your patriotism in a non-military manner. And you get to be popular with the football fans, and there are many of them among the Han. I mean, I'm a fan. I want to make an impact, and I think it also teaches the youth an important lesson.

皇 - Well, it may be important, but it's the wrong lesson. You can't be out there encouraging our youth to play football! They need to be scientists! Researchers! Soldiers! Diplomats! Economists!

皇太子 - I know, but what I mean is that if I'm going to be Emperor and I can play football, those scientists, researchers, soldiers, diplomats, and economists can also play too! And be good at it!

皇 - But suck at everything else.

皇太子 - Not necessarily. It preaches the Han ethic of doing hard work, no matter what you're doing.

皇 - *sighs* Well, you're almost 21. I suppose I could afford you the opportunity to try it. But just so I know that you're not screwing off, I want you to write a report of each match in classical Hanjamun (Chinese scripts). Do you understand?

皇太子 - Not a problem! Thanks, dad!

皇 - *sighs* I hope that you're not screwing me off.

皇太子 - I won't. And we'll win too! *leaves*

皇 - *sighs* Aya. This world is either getting too modern or too crazy. Probably both.

外 - Emperor! We have a report from Haenam!

皇 - What is it?

外 - Some fisherman have caught the world's largest squid on record. They're still trying bring it onto shore, but it seems that we'll be having eojingeo for a long time.

皇 - Wait. What about the war? And does it taste good?

外 - They've fried about 15 meters of this stuff, and it's like heaven! But yeah. No word from the Defense Ministry. Besides, I'm not sure why I'm over there, but it's exciting watching this happen.

皇 - Wait, how big is this thing?

外 - Well, we've pulled about 600 meters of squid leg, and we've yet to see the main body. I'll let you know when we spot it.

皇 - Okay...

Jeruselem

25-02-2008, 02:41

Jeruselem Government News

Ariddian Jane gets a fan club

It seems some people have a bit of an obsession with female football personalities. While it's understable the following created by Dazza Dallas and daughters, there's a new girl on the block. It is Ariddia's Jane Sanderson! Not to be mixed up with Jane Darian, the Jeruselem keeper who's not Ariddian but Jewish.

While the younger crowd follow the antics of Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas ("Skate"), Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas ("Jewbee Dallas") and Kara Kool - an older generation appreciate Jane. A group have formed a fan club for Jane, but it's nowhere near as big as one for the "Dazza Dallas and daughters" Fan Club.

The founding members are mainly expat Ariddians and Jeruselemites of Ariddia descent. The club reflects it's Ariddian nature with a rather socialist/communist structure compared to very corporate structure of the Dallas fan club. The member of this club are very inconspicious too with no outlandish displays of loyalty to their hero.

Dallas female fans tend to be young party animals wearing some form of Hello Kitty! merchandise and the males have sizable Dazza Dallas video collection. It's hard to spot a Jane Sanderson fan. They tend to be older mature people who shun the excesses of modern Jeruselemite flashiness and are simpler humbler people without the weird characters we see on TV. They also tend to have socialist and communist leanings.

While Jane might be a different character to our famous Ariddian family, it doesn't mean they aren't compatible. It was Dazza who pushed for Jane Sanderson to take over our World Cup 39 team and Jane Sanderson actually lives in one of Dazza's houses. The two can be seen sometimes together in the Ariddian part of the French part of town.

Jane is a wholesome clean rolemodel for some of our people to contrast our other Ariddian role models. Now that she's got her fan club, I don't think she's going change as she's not the attention seeking whore type.

Elves Security Forces

25-02-2008, 03:50

Inside the locker Room

"Alright lads and lasses, this is it. We let our guard down last match and it cost us, big. Instead of getting a nice easy fixture against a faltering Bettia side, we now are here in Raynor City against the bloody Squornos, the fifth freaking best team in the world."

"But Asanta, we're supposed to be the second best team in the world, so we should win shouldn't we?" the squeaky voice of a nervous Cristi Kries chirped.

"Ah, shouldn't we? Ask Az-cz that, as Sel Appa, ask Demot! Rank means NOTHING!!! You have to be putting your effort into everything squad. Your passes have to be sharp onto the foot, your strikes on target, your tackles made, and your marking unpentrable. Everything in this match has to be perfect, or else we'll be watching from the stands for the rest of the tournament, and our supporters deserve soo much more. YOU deserve soo much more than that fate that would be yours if you decide not too show up again."

"Yeah, but gaffer, we were already qualified and had nothing to win. I know it is no excuse, because we are professionals and we are supposed to be above such things, but even the best of us can get a little off our top game when there is nothing to play for." the growing personality of Kiso Night retorted.

"Yeah, you are excused a small lack of focus, but that happened last tournament. We let our focus slip and these same Squornos torched us and stole our spot in the final. Do you want a repeat of history? We're elves, we live in history, so we should be all the more apt at learning from it, but it seems to me you still haven't. Remember lads and lasses that we are hosting this event. Thousands upon thousands of elves are piling in lines outside the gates to watch you bring honor and glory to the country. When we decided to host, we asked our fans to do everything they could to make this one of the best tournament in recent history, and they have done their part. Now it's our turn to do our part and put out a display of beautiful attacking football and give this country something to hold onto. Give these people who devote their time and efforts into you something that can't be taken away, give them the pride of supporting champions. Do this for them, do this for you, do this for the country. This is yours and my duty, we will bring them the honor and the pride that they soo deserve. If you can't get up for this moment lads, you don't deserve to be footballers.

Now, go out there and make you, me, and the country eternally proud!!"

Elves Security Forces

25-02-2008, 03:59

UCS Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13479460#post13479460)

Valanora Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13479461&postcount=24)

Casari

25-02-2008, 07:22

It was the 122nd minute of Casari's match with Yafor 2, and the whistle had just blown a half minute after Hill's singlehanded, thrilling attempt to put the ball into the goal and break the tie skimmed against the outside of the goalpost and out for a goal kick. The hearts of the Casaran fans dropped- they knew what was coming up.

Penalty kicks.

The team quickly huddled up, looking around in a half panic. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sorry everyone." Hill said, glancing at the rest of the team.

"It was a hell of a run, we couldn't ask for more." Reoni replied quickly.

"So... who knows how to take penalty kicks?"

---

This might be a good moment for a quick sidebar.

The CSA, in their near infinite wisdom, had made a few reforms to the way the sport was played in Casari, giving a bit of a variation from the rest of the world. While the offside line is still about 10 votes short of being adopted, most of the rules involve disciplinary measures, one modification is particularly problematic in this situation.

"In the case a match reaches full time (which requires a positive result), two fifteen minute extra time sessions will be played. If a match remains tied after extra time, one of the following conditions shall occur:

1) Additional fifteen minute sessions will be played, with an additional substitute player alloted for each extra session. The match will then end upon the completion of the first extra time period in which both teams are no longer tied.

2) With the agreement of the organizers or teams, a replay may be scheduled at a later date.

So, other than the odd infraction in the box, a penalty kick is completely unknown- which is a good thing usually, as they're an unbelievably awful way to end a game and everyone hates them- but definitely not so good now.

---

"Okay, Danialson, Reoni, you'll go first... who wants third?" Hill said, looking around the circle.

Katherine Scorrin shrugged, in the game as a 76th minute substitution for James Estanberg. "I'll take one."

"Okay... I'll go fourth, who's last?"

"Me." Lucia Perrins, Right Back, said. "You can't leave a guy to succeed in the clutch like that." Hill ignored the collective eye roll from the men on the field and sent in the list, looking at Barisa. "Hope you're bringing the goods tonight, Ray."

"I'm a machine tonight." Raymond replied, adjusting his cap. "Trust me."

---

Goals by the first three- Danialson, Reoni, and Scorrin, had taken care of the offensive half of the equation, but Barisa was the true hero of the day, already stopping a pair, and looking to close out the match before Hill got a chance to kick and stealing the mantle of hero for the day. He was crouched, watching the opposing player line up his shot, behind him the crowd of Casarans watching intensely, Rebecca Lornair the only one failing to feel the importance of the moment and waving madly down the field.

Suddenly, the kicker flashed towards the ball, connecting solidly and pushing it towards the left corner- unfortunately, he didn't seem to turn it enough, allowing Barisa to dive to his right and place a hand on it, sending it bouncing along the goal line.

From where he landed, Barisa could see his teammates running towards him, and thusly didn't make an attempt to get up as he was covered by a bundle of arms and legs, all of them screaming and cheering. It took a minute to get them all off, but a group hug continued in the goal area, before some recognition of the fans and a retirement to the locker room.

"So, who's next?" Barisa said to Hill as they walked off the field, watching the fans disperse. Hill pointed back at the scoreboard, which was proudly announcing the Quarterfinal round matches. "Ariddia, huh?"

"Ariddia."

"... Good."

Elves Security Forces

25-02-2008, 09:06

Valanora Express
Something in the Water?

I was there, just a short twenty miles from my home in Raynor City, at the new Hellgate stadium in Soldar, the eastern suburb named after the great Soldarian family. I was there when a team rose up in unison and said "I shall not die, my fate is my own.". I was there when again they rose from what seemed to be their grave and deliverred a performance that will be remembered by the historians for a very long time to come. Never before in my long life have I expierenced or witnessed a sporting event quite like the spetacle that was on display at Hellgate, nor do I think I will be again. The match had everything you could ever dream about from a footy competition, leaving even the purist completely satisified at the final whistle. It is a sad thought that these two squads couldn't of met at least a round or two later, as both deserved some sort of recognition for their efforts, but alas only one of these giants has the honor of moving on and attempting to take a trophy to their home stadia.

It started off all very wrong for the home side Marauders, as the Pschychoes pressed the attack very early and caught the entire backline on the wrong foot. Barely in the second minute, Squornshelous' Tomas Kurka had been awarded a penalty and was lining up the spot shot after being taken down by Ariel Mias on the edge of the area. However, as the striker lined up and deliverred a powerful strike to the bottom right corner, it was suddenly parried past the bar by the outstreched glove of Yoshida, showing catlike reflexes to keep his net nice and pure. Yet seven minutes later Ilmari would find Kurka's strike partner in Aautunen on a through ball after blowing by Acevedo, and turning Yoshida to tip the ball into the vacated net for the early Squornshelous advantage. Fans murmered and whispered a bit, but the vast majority seemed rather unphased and knew that Webber's attacking style would let a single goal disadvantage to be easily taken care of.

However, the Marauders could not respond at all, as time after time they conceded possesion while moving into the attacking third. Riot and Hawk looked completely on different pages and Neesa was completely invisable. This lack of cohesion brought about an ugly give away in the twenty-sixth minute and Ilmari pounced on a lax effort by Riot to control a ball and burst forward. Sending in a lob for Kurka to latch onto, the Valanora based striker slipped by the close marking of Nickel, and managed to stick his leg out and deflect the ball down as Yoshida came out to collect, jumping up into the air as the ball bounced twice and into the back of the net to double the Pschychoes lead. Kurka nearly added a third in the thirty-third minute, but his one on one with Yoshida resulted in the keeper stripping him of the ball at the spot. Ilmari would then put the Marauder support into complete and utter histeria when he deliverred a freekick from thirty-two yards out that bounced in off the post and in to give the red and black a three nil advatange over the green and black at halftime.

I know that something was said by many somebodies in the locker room of the Marauders at half time, and I could hazard a guess as to what it was. However, this is a paper that is seen by many and we do try to uphold our PG rating, so I'll leave the guesses to papers without standards such as ours. Regardless of what was said, the effect was clear, and within two minutes of the restart, Yan Kips had brought one back on a wonderful header provided by a masterful cross from Cristi Kries. Laborious Hawk then single handedly began to dominate the game. Blocking two quick shots in succession from Ilmari in the fifty-third minute, stripping Kurka of the ball before he could get off a shot two minutes later, and then blasting home a wonderful free kick from twenty-seven yards out to bring the Marauders within one.

That's when Webber showed a moment of brilliance, and brought on all three of his subs, hoping to inject some zeal into the squad. Ali Alidare entered for a struggling Ashley Riot, Roger Zetaback came in for an invisable Samantha Neesa, and an slightly injured Yan Kips was replaced by a fresh and healthy Anti Freso. Soldarian showed his versatility by moving out to the wing vacated by Neesa, and Zetaback joined Hawk in an attacking midfield role, giving the squad more of a 3-3-2-2 with a very attacking flair. While it took a small tad of time for the squad to adjust to the change of formation, it paid dividends when Zetaback fed Hawk, who snuck it quickly over to Fresco, who one-timed a pass to Night, who then deliverred a beautiful siccor-kick that caught the keeper on the wrong foot, and had things level with six minutes of regulation. Fresco thought he had the game won in the second minute of injury time, but Maric stoned him cold from twelve yards out to take the squads into extra time.

During the minute the squads were given to catch their breath and grab a sip of water, each and every player was seen drinking from a new batch of bottles that the groundscrew had brought to the sidelines when it became clear that the match would go into extra time. While it appeared that water was what the bottles contained, what happened in the next thirty minutes has people questioning exactly what was that substance the player took in. In most extra times, the players are too tired to do much attacking, and when it is their, it usually is just a lucky goal early in the frame. The red and black got that lucky break when Hondo based Tkermec slipped past a tired Acevedo and fired a quick shot that Yoshida couldn't react quickly enough to deflect around the post.

Yet once again the cult hero of Laborious Hawk would bring the squad level, smashing a rocket of a shot from twenty-two yards out from a pass from Soldarian. Then when Kiso was sprung free on a counter five minutes later, and turned easily and deposited the first lead the Marauders had with four minutes left in extra time, the stadium exploded. The famous "Stregnth, Honor, and Glory" began ringing around the stadium, and by the time the fans got around to the second stanze, Roger Zetaback would score his first international goal on his second international appearance when the Pschychoes had pressed forward on a corner. When the ref blew his final whistle, the scene of 50,000 elves in the stadium, and several thousand more around the stadium dancing about and throwing their arms up in the air was enough to make this old gal crack a smile. Against impossible odds, this group of footballers defeated the fifth best squad in the world, and are on their way to the quarterfinals. There they will face good friends, and a ressurgent Starblaydia squad who continues to shock the world following thier two to one victory over Jeruselem. Despite having good relations and players in our leagues, you can count on a very raucus atmosphere to be completely pro-Valanora in Mar Sara in four days time. There this great group of talented individuals will look to make it repeat trip to the semi-finals, and give this old writer a reason to believe in miracles again.

Valanora 6
Yan Kips (47)
Laborious Hawk (60, 111)
Kiso Night (84, 116)
Roger Zetaback (118)

Squornshelous 4
Erkki Aatunen (9)
Tomas Kurka (26)
Caj Ilmari (45+)
Jzeovak Tkermec (97)

Scorers
Kiso Night - 5
Laborious Hawk - 3
Yan Kips - 2
Ikles Razov - 2
Roger Zetaback - 1

Article by Luna Santapa

Ariddia

25-02-2008, 09:52

“We’re going to miss the anthems.” Michel Seo tapped his fingers impatiently against the side of the lift cabin as it took them up, clanking rather ominously, towards the seventh floor of the hotel. It was not a particularly luxurious hotel. In fact, it was about as low-budget as you could find without feeling you needed to barricade your door to keep safe. When you were an Ariddian travelling abroad, you could not afford the niceties of luxury. But at least their hotel room had a TV set. Right now, that was all Michel required of it.

Well, and a bed, he supposed. He tried for a moment to think of anything else that was particularly important, but his mind was soon drawn back to the most important matter at hand.

“I hate missing the anthems.”

His girlfriend, Vicky Iversen, sighed. Michel was no fun when he got like this. Fortunately, he would soon be quite content, grinning at the TV (or cursing at it) in football-induced bliss (or anguish) for an hour and a half or more.

“You know, the anthems are the same every time.”

“No, they’re not. We don’t play the same team every time.”

She glared at him irritably.
“You know what I mean. You didn’t have to rush us in the restaurant just for that. I’d have liked to actually *enjoy* my dessert. Instead of half-choking on it. If I burp at you all night, don’t complain.”

“We should have had a take-away.” Michel’s thoughts were obviously far from the restaurant, and what could have been a pleasant romantic dinner. Even though it had been one of the cheapest restaurants they could find in this ridiculously expensive city of Yupo, in the Unified Capitalizt States.

“No,” Vicky disagreed pointledly, “we should have–”

The lift stopped. Her boyfriend shifted impatiently as the doors slid open, then bolted. He had reached their room and entered by the time she got to the turn in the corridor, at her more leisurely pace. Closing and locking the door behind her, she walked into their smallish hotel room, and found Michel fumbling with the remote control.

“Do you remember the channel?” he asked her anxiously.

“No, I–”

“Got it!” He exhaled a sigh of relief. “The teams are just coming onto the pitch. We made it!”

“How nice,” Vicky said drily. “Well, I’m going to make tea.”

He looked at her, surprised.
“You’ll miss the anthems!”

“I’ll hear them, Mich’,” she pointed out gently. “I’ll be just there. About. . . four metres away. And I’ve heard them before.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yes, I have.”

“No, you–”

“Don’t argue with a woman.”

Michel let it drop. His attention was already riveted on the small TV screen. He cursed. Vicky didn’t ask. He would tell her anyway.

“The commentary is in bloody Syokaji!”

“We are in Yupo, baby,” she reminded him patiently. “Have you seen the teabags?”

“Syokaji!” he said, dismayed. “Isn’t this supposed to be an international hotel?”

“It’s a hotel for poor people who are taking a holiday on a ridiculously small government holiday grant. I’m sure I saw tea bags. Maybe I imagined them.” Capitalizts didn’t seem fond of giving things away for free. Maybe there were no tea bags. It was her first time abroad – and probably her last for the conceivable future. The one significant disadvantage of living in Ariddia, a moneyless society, was that you could not travel freely abroad. You needed money, and money was obtained by applying to the government. There were a lot of applicants for a small budget, which meant that your turn was unlikely to come several times. Fairness dictated that someone else be given a holiday after you.

She and Michel had been discovering the UCS on a shoestring. They had been impatient to travel, and had decided to do so now. Waiting for a honeymoon might have been nice, but they were not even properly engaged yet. Vicky –27, sandy-haired, a little taller than average– was studying mathematics, and working in the statistics branches of several public companies near the university in Espérence. Most of her free time between terms was spent in her home rural town, helping on the communal agricultural lands. Michel –26, half-Wymgani, his hair a light-brown and only a little taller than she was– was studying biology, and worked at reception in a public science discovery centre.

They had been to several museums for their holiday here, which had been fascinating but expensive. With everything in this unmistakably foreign country being privatised, the arts were not subsidised. The UCS was not renowned in Ariddia for its culture, but in Vicky’s view that was unfair. The museums here held a treasure trove of art and history and culture, if you were interested, and if you could afford to see it.

For the sake of economising, they had also been wandering around on foot, seeing statues, monuments and famous buildings from the outside. For food, they had found a Santé! veggie fast food outlet, and had picked up bits and pieces to nibble from supermarkets.

The UCS was not an easy place for tourists from the Third World. And so, despite the fact that the big World Cup match between Bazalonia and Ariddia was being held in this very city, they were watching it from their hotel room. In Syokaji. Pouring their meagre savings into stadium tickets was out of the question.

The anthems began to play. Somewhere in Yupo, thousands were crowded excitedly into a large football stadium. A few kilometres away, in the very same city, two young Ariddians in their small, cheap hotel room watched their TV set. The picture flickered, a buzz momentarily cutting into the enthusiastic commentary by an unseen Capitalizt man and woman in their foreign and incomprehensible language.

Vicky smiled, and set the water to boil for tea.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 2-2 Bazalonia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png (4–3 AET)

Goal scorers for Ariddia in this match: Mohamed (31’), Shahrour (58’), Ioe (99’), Takahara (113’)

Starblaydia

25-02-2008, 11:25

-
The Intangibles
Starblaydia have something special

No nation can make a claim to having the tallest, strongest, fastest, most agile or most skillful players in the world, as these attributes are, when you look at the globe, fairly evenly distributed. What nations, teams and clubs can do, however, is mention their spirit, their togetherness, leadership, direction and culture; those are things that vary immeasurably across from country to country, the intangible things that make good teams into great teams.

Or, in this case, average teams into incredible teams.

It's just about true to say that, in football, anyone can beat anyone, on any given day. However unlikely some results may be, there's always a slim, skin-of-your-teeth chance that the minnows can overturn the big fish. The chances can be minute, but still exist. Starblaydia may well be on the receiving end of incredible luck, but they have proven this beyond all doubt. On their day, it seems, they can beat anybody. 8th in the world Zwangzug and now 14th in the world Jeruselem can testify to that. It's the intangible qualities that this collection of staff and players possess that have driven them to the last eight in the world's biggest sporting event.

Barely on the sunny side of 60th in the World Rankings, Starblaydia first showed their envied combination of class and luck as they out-qualified Estresse Intenso and Cup of Harmony Champions Lovisa - both thirty-something places above Starblaydia - to slip into the third and final qualification spot on Group Six. Then, in Group G, they pulled off a draw against top-ten Demot and a victory against top-twenty Candelaria And Marquez. Defeating top-twenty teams appears to be within easy reach of this squad. Skill, they had, but luck was required to send Starblaydia through as perhaps the most unlikely Group Winners in the history of the World Cup - through the fact they were there thanks to pure lot-drawing luck, the lowest-ranked team in the competition progressed, while the highest-ranked team, Az-cz, did not.

Cup of Harmony Champions ousted at the first hurdle, World Champions eliminated at the second. Starblaydia are making quite the name for themselves.

Again.

Don't forget, of course, that in World Cup 17 Starblaydia, then 46th in the world, qualified for the Finals. They also made it through to the Quarter-Finals, losing out then to a Melmond side who were one of the few teams left with a similar low rank to Starblaydia. From that point on, Starblaydia never looked back and qualified for each and every Cup until World Cup 34, after which they withdrew their team. Three Cups later, however, and Starblaydia were back to take the Runners-Up spot in the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 38. Surely no co-incidence.

Perhaps it's the purple, perhaps it's the manager, or the players, the captain, the fans, the formation, the opposition - anything and everything. It has all gone in, with a Super Dreadnought-sized boatload of luck, to putting Starblaydia into the Last Eight, facing one of the hosts of the tournament, the second-best team in the world: Valanora (didn't they use to be ESF? - Ed). Starblaydia have already dispensed - somehow - with the best team in the world, how about doing the same with the second-best? At home? The fact that Starblaydia are even contemplating making it to the Semi-Final shows both how far they've come and, crucially, how far their expectations have risen.

"We're not expecting anything," said Manager Betanii Marrones - hailed now as one of Starblaydia's greatest ever - echoing the sentiments of most fans, "except that we're going to play in the Quarter-Final of World Cup 38 against Valanora. Beyond that, anything is possible, but we're just delighted to be here."

First they were 'happy', then 'very happy', then 'extremely happy and excited', now they're 'delighted'. What will they be if they can defeat Valanora? One shudders to think. It was the victory over Jeruselem, however, that propelled them into delight. White-and-purple faced a fetching pink-and-blue pastel combination, the Princesses (I'm sure the male players must love that - Ed.) faced the team with many an unofficial nickname. 14th versus 57th, a full forty-three places separating them in the official list of world rankings. After this tournament, for sure, that gap will be a lot smaller.

Perhaps unusually for a match of this importance, two female coaches were commanding the dugouts, a testament to how well the game today is integrated across the genders (never mind the species - Ed.) in many countries - remember the Women's World Cup, anyone? No, didn't think so, there's no need for it any more, at least from Starblaydia's point of view. Starblaydia lined up with two female players, with a further four on the bench. The only thing they need now is a female Dwarf (do they actually exist? - Ed.) or, rather, an Editor who stops making so many bloody additions to my copy! (Sorry - Ed.)

Starblaydia, as ever, started the game with a bang. It seems the Raiigar (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/raiigar.html) really is pumping the team up before kick-off - no wonder Ariddia won three titles in five cups when they had a warm-up dance like that - but this time the only bang was on Kwame Jabir, who found Cuppie Kokai's studs dragged down his thigh as the Starblaydi slid dangerously in for an early challenge. Jabir required treatment off the field, though it was mostly only the 'magic' sponge on the outside of his leg that was needed. He's surely feeling that injury again this morning. No obvious harm done, however, and Jabir should be fine for the Valanora match. Starblaydia weren't actually sure they could even get to the Quarter-Finals after a quarter of an hour, as Edward Barat opened the scoring for the Princesses. After a neat trick by Hifkie Dallas to confound Juan Oscar, the confident striker was set free by a great pass from Scarlet Ferris and slotted the ball in at the far post. Was the dream run finally over in the first knock-out stage?

All was not lost, however, once Fiskin Dallas had got out of position. In an attempt to harry and pressure at every opportunity, the twenty-two year-old found herself out of position. Jae Chang-hwa, a year older and definitely a year wiser, seized the moment and nipped in to take a loose ball from Dallas. She raced away over the half-way line and put in a peach of a cross for Fullbright. It was just a little high, but Fullbright had the awareness to flick it on with his head for the onrushing Canildo, who blasted a curling left-foot shot at La Brai. The Jeruselem goalie parried on it's way to the top corner, but Chang-hwa had continued into the penalty area and side-footed the ball past the helpless keeper, who was still getting up from her first acrobatic save. Spotted by many commentators over the tournament so far, notably by those from Az-cz, it is Starblaydia's discipline - another intangible - that sets them apart from the other teams around their rank. Knowing when to take an opportunity and when to hold back is a decision-making skill that can take a long time to learn, if at all, and for those born with that kind of footballing intelligence there is many an accolade to be had. "Great rack, love" is not usually one of them, but in Chang-hwa's case it suits just as well.

The game was tense, the game was tight, and the scores were level for over half an hour either side of the interval. For every moment that went by, Jeruselem were more and more nervous that Starblaydia would cause another upset. Conversely, for every moment that passed, Starblaydia were sure that Jeruselem would be more and more likely to set the record straight. The crowd were just as nervous as the players, if not moreso; the attendance issues suffered earlier in the tournament seem to have gone thanks to opening up extra ticket sales on the streets, as well as shipping schools in from the local area. What it also meant was there were a lot of Starblaydi fans dotted around the arena, not just confined to one end.

It was they who went wild, screaming for a penalty from all around the stadium after Di Angelo was felled by Fez in the area. The referee contemplated for a moment, then pointed to the spot, despite the protestations of the Princesses. Fullbright stepped up, right-footed, and Fullbright made it two. Starblaydia were in dreamland and there was less than fifteen minutes to go. In the commotion, Olk Silverstein received a yellow card for his threatening behaviour towards the ref, which was quite an achievement as he was sitting on the substitutes' bench at the time.

Kara Kool came on, Dazza Deux took to the field, but, ultimately, it was to no avail as Starblaydia clung on by the tips of their fingernails to see themselves through to the Last Eight - thanks in no small part to the efforts of the excellent Nikolaidis in goal (incorrectly named as Rodriguez in the last match in some quarters).

Starblaydia now face one of the hosts on home soil, in their biggest test yet of their brave new squad. Everything that can be written about this match surely has been already, so we just need to await the most-important game in Starblaydia's recent history.

Final Score from Hatire Memorial (60,000):
Starblaydia 2 - 1 Jeruselem
(Chang-hwa 32, Fullbright 77 (P)) - (Barat 14)

Jeruselem

25-02-2008, 12:49

Jeruselem Government News

Don't mention the Purple Peril ...

Once again Jeruselem somehow ran into Starblaydia in the World Cup and once again they lost. There is one thing one should not do after the Purple Peril beat Jeruselem in the finals, taunt grumpy Dallas girls. For the Dallas family, who have been on some Crusade against the run of bad luck against Starblaydia.

The paradoxical nature of football where Jeruselem have clobbered Starblaydia in the Women's World Cup while Starblaydia still have it over Jeruselem in the bigger game. In most competitions, Jeruselem have beaten the Purple Peril at least one but never in the World Cup proper.

One unlucky person found out not to bait the Dallas girls over losing to the Purple Peril. A rather drunk person who didn't seem fond of football or the Dallas girls, jumped around cheering on Starblaydia after they had won 2-1 during a World Cup 39 football party. Most of the crowd were Jeruselemites and weren't exactly too pleased with his antics.

He was largely ignored until he suggested the Dallas girls go Starblaydia to learn to how to play real football. One second later, there was a Katana wedged in his neck by Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas. He should have just shut up but he didn't. He dared her to behead him, and she did.

So, please do not bait the Dallas with name Starblaydia - for your own safety.

Bazalonia

25-02-2008, 13:35

The match was perhaps the best game the Bazalopes had played all tournament, pity it was against a team such as Ariddia. No one back home had any doubts, this was going to be a tough match to win. The small amount of betting on these things that did go one had Ariddia to win by a mutli-goal margin.

After the Anthems and performing the Ulek the first team to goal was the Bazalonians, just a few minutes into the match. It seemed the Ulek had the opposite effect on the Bazalonians than as was traditionally intended for a War dance.

However a strong counter offensive lead by the Ariddian captain finally resulted in a tied the match up 31 minutes into the game, Both teams had great opportunities and somehow the defences of each team held strong, despite the generally attacking nature of each. The Bazalopes really lifted for this match and made the Ariddians work hard to score and prevent the Bazalopes from scoring. It was in the dying minutes of the 1st half that an exhausted Bazalonian defense let a ball into the net for a goal.

After half-time however a re-invigorated and refreshed side started on the agressive right away, using totally re-worked system and a seemingly entirely different approach the Bazalonian team managed to get one around the Ariddian defense and score their second goal. This time the counter-attacked provided near instant results. Leaving the game tied.... There would be no late goal salvation for the Ariddians nor the Bazalonians as the match went into over time.

Bucking the trend of regulation time, it was the Ariddians 7 minutes into extra time (after 2 minutes of stoppage). And a desperate attempt by the Team resulted in Hampstead getting the equalising goal. The field was swapped around and once again 5 minutes into the 2nd part of Extra time Takahara scored getting the last goal and the decisive goal of the match.

Afterwards.... well, What a game. At least no one could say that the Bazalopes did not deserve to be there, they had taken on a team with a long and proud soccer tradition and 6th in the world. This was one where it was always going to be an Ariddian win.

New Manhattan

25-02-2008, 13:37

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc39/
AEROPAG, JI · 2142–07–15 · 0.10 g Au

Editorial: The enlightenment and football (AT Online exclusive)
Many people at my workplace have asked me of my opinion of “the game yesterday,” by which I can only conclude that they mean the Capitalizt SLANI–Zwangzug World Cup football match in Sonoma City. Though I’ve rarely watched sports before, I did take the opportunity to observe this contest, and found it quite intriguing. So, if you want to know what I thought while the events unfolded on my screen, now you can.

A man in a black an green shirt jumps into the air. He risks colliding with another man, in a striped shirt, to hurt his head by using it to propel a small sphere. When he succeeds in this risky endeavor, someone else wearing yet another shirt dives to catch the sphere. He misses, and the sphere strikes a net, sending billions of spectators into uncontrollable joy. They scream, sing, wave cloths bearing a cannon and stars, taunt their friends, and carefully watch numerous replays of this simple interaction. At the same time, other people curse and slam their fist on the table.

In the supposedly rational post-enlightenment Paripana, how can such a thing possibly occur?

Why did some people cheer when a man in a black shirt put a ball into a goal, and other people get angry? Do the latter people have a hatred of black shirts? Certainly not, as they were equally upset when a man in a striped shirt put the ball into that goal about ten minutes later (accidentally, of course, but that’s not the point). Do they not like that goal? This is clearly not the case, since they cheered when a man in a striped shirt put the ball into that same goal in an earlier part of the event. Are they angry at the incompetence of the man charged with defending that goal? It cannot be the case, as they cheer when the man on the other side of the arena makes a similar error, and other people get angry then. Do they have some loyalty to a particular goalkeeper? Since I doubt that these billions of people have actually met Ha Soon-ji (oh, don’t get me started on the Tribune’s insane policies on using non-Latin scripts and peculiar transliterations) or Natalie Instonenext, and they immediately changed their loyalty when Ha Soon-ji was substituted late in the game, it must not be this either. Is it the goalkeeper’s shirt that produces these emotional outbursts? No, because goalkeepers have many shirts, and there seems to be no correlation between them and the fans’ reactions. The evidence suggests that these people are reacting to some abstract notion of a team, to which they assign names like Capitalizt SLANI and Zwangzug.

Then, we must ask, is there any empirical evidence of these teams? It’s quite clear that people believe that these teams exist, and this belief can be identified by players’ decisions to pass the ball, by the fans, and other actions. But if it’s not the shirts, and it’s not the logo (this, too, can change), and it’s not the players, and it’s not the manager (as the papers frequently report, people who support a particular team can say some quite nasty things about its manager after a few poor results), then can someone show me this team, without any of these irrelevant elements? It cannot even be the name of a team that produces loyalty or hatred, as the support for the team named Commerce Heights was unaffected by its name changing to Capitalizt SLANI.

One person I discussed this with argued that Capitalizt SLANI is simply a brand name, like Aeropag Tribune, and that I would not suddenly stop reading the latter if it changed its name, but remained identical in content. While this is true, I do not have any blind loyalty to the Tribune, and if all the current writing staff were fired and replaced with Taeshani lunatics, I certainly would stop reading it. Football fans, on the other hand, seem completely uninterested in supporting the best team, and so it again seems that these great architectural works of the modern era in which football is played are simply forums for people to loudly display their irrational prejudices.

Another argument is that Capitalizt SLANI is the “local” team participating in this competition, and that it is therefore more deserving of support than more distant teams. If this is true, then all residents of Aeropag should support Jasihyeon rather than Capitalizt SLANI, because Sokojito Dosi is slightly closer than Prontera. Yet many of them fiercely voice their support for SLANI, and would dye their blood steel blue if presented with the opportunity. All residents of Aeropag should prefer the Aeropag Penguins to any other club, and yet some cheer for such distant teams as Ourseville 1093 and Petardos S/A. And if it is true that more local things are superior to more distant things, then surely this applies to all aspects of life? Even though I find the Tribune a better news source than the Chronicle, I would be obligated under this theory to purchase the Chronicle, because its offices are a few blocks nearer? I doubt you will find much support for such a thing.

And finally, the most common (and seemingly most powerful) argument for supporting Capitalizt SLANI is that they are “our country’s” team. We’ll set aside the issue of Jasihyeon, since it’s the only exception to the general correspondence between football associations and these alleged countries. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I never purchased a country, so it seems absurd that I would ever speak about “my country.” And what are these countries, anyway? What makes the islands that people often refer to as the Unified Capitalizt States different than the islands around it? That those islands have bands of thugs on them that prey on the masses for personal gain? If the absence of such gangs is the defining characteristic of the States, then is not any area free of such predations part of the States? Since the term is never used in this manner, is the country defined by the area in which the eponymous organization operates? If so, then should I not call the vast areas to which the Tribune transmits its articles a country, and establish a football association for it? If not, then what is it that makes the Unified Capitalizt States different than other businesses? There are an abundance of dispute resolution organizations that do precisely the same thing as the States. Since we cannot establish any consistent definition of countries based on physical reality, they cannot be any different than football teams. Countries are mere illusions created to justify irrationalities.

So where does this leave the average football fan? Watching the beautiful game certainly is a good way to relax and forget about the real world. However, the only reason that people want to forget about the real world is because it is inconsistent with their fantasies about governments, religions, teams, and all the other nonsense. The world is a wonderful place when one sees it for what it really is. Athletic performances by talented individuals are one small part of that wonder. So I’ve purchased tickets to Holmes Stadium for the World Cup final, and I encourage everyone else to watch it as well, whether from the stands or through a computer screen. But you won’t see me singing the Star-Spangled Banner, waving flags or wearing team colors. You won’t see me pouring my energy into the support of some imaginary entity. I’ll be cheering for each and every player to do his best, to put on the greatest show possible within the ninety minutes. I’ll be cheering for a draw in the ninety minutes, so that the show can go on for another thirty. And, with any luck, I’ll be the happiest in the stadium when the final whistle is blown.

—anonymous

Ariddia

25-02-2008, 16:35

Letter to the editor of the Aeropag Tribune

Dear madam or sir,

I read your recent editorial “The enlightenment and football” (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13480313&postcount=723) with great interest. I am a resident of the UCS, born here of a native-born father and of an Ariddian immigrant mother. For a bicultural person such as myself, the issues you raise are of particular interest. If I may venture to mention my own personal experience, I have frequently found myself to be “between two worlds”, each fundamentally foreign to the other.

Do I support the UCS football teams? Yes. Why? Well, why do they exist in the first place? Clearly, many of us perceive them as an embodiment of our place of birth and/or chosen place of residence, and this creates a rather hazy emotional attachment. They represent “us”. One might say it’s all just an excuse to party, and to take pride for some obscure reason in some strangers’ achievements, or that supporting the team of the community you live amidst makes more sense than backing Zwangzug or the Holy Empire.

The notion of “community”, though, is an ambiguous one, particularly here. In the UCS, we like to believe we’ve moved beyong patriotism, associated with the bygone era of states, national governments and restrictive borders. In this perception, a country would be conceptually defined in relation to its government, which would appear to fly in the face of our prevailing libertarian, post-statist ideology. One’s identification of the self with a national community, however ill-defined, would, in this view, be deemed regressive.

You write: “I cannot speak for anyone else, but I never purchased a country, so it seems absurd that I would ever speak about “my country.” And what are these countries, anyway? What makes the islands that people often refer to as the Unified Capitalizt States different than the islands around it? That those islands have bands of thugs on them that prey on the masses for personal gain?”

Let us equate –for a moment– the “country” with a “community” rather than with a government. You speak of a country being illusory, and you are, of course, right. We believe we are part of the UCS’s national community because –consciously or not– we identify certain elements which we supposedly share as residents of this “country”. Among them, one might cite values – the very values of freedom and capitalism which you put forward in your editorial, and which are frequently invoked to define the UCS’s societal nature as a post-statist entity. One could mention, also, our supposedly shared knowledge of this country’s history, and its relevence in our contemporary society and our everyday lives as individuals. I could mention, as well, the artwork and literature, the paintings, novels, plays, scupltures and music produced by individuals whose lives have been, to a significant extent, defined by the fact that they live here – shaped by the dominant values of our society, influenced by our history and the resulting present, inspired in various ways by our freedoms and values. Their works are the works of individuals, but these individuals are not, and can never be, fully detached from the society which has shaped them, as surely as it has shaped their art, their writings, their thoughts and their philosophy. Is their artwork, then, part of our national cultural heritage? Yes, I believe, at least to the extent that I have just described. Is it “ours”, in a non-commercial sens? Yes, if we are to see ourselves as existing within, and shaped by, that same society. We can, perhaps, identity with Capitalizt art in a more significant way than tourists from Errinundera visiting our art galleries, if only because we are a part of the culture that produced them. They mean something to us; we can relate to the stories they tell and the clins d’oeil to our way of life; they are culturally relevent.

And if we can identity with Kim Kŭn-ho’s sculpture Freeflight, why not with our “national” football team(s)?

This, I suppose, is where my perspective as an Ariddian comes in. My mother is from Ariddia, and lives here with my Capitalizt father. She remains an Ariddian at heart, and a committed communist. She flinches at our exaltation of consumerism, and shakes her head at our definition of freedom. When I listen to her talk about “values”, it seems clear to me that there are very real differences between most Capitalizts and most Ariddians. Do these differences not define us, as nations? Our understanding of the world around us is profoundly different. Capitalizts often view Ariddians as oppressed, but Ariddians do not view themselves as such. Ariddians often see Capitalizts as oppressed, but Capitalizts do not see themselves as such. You might say that Capitalizts are objectively “more free”, but most Ariddians I know would disagree, and would intject their own, radically different definition of freedom. Our way of looking at the world, at human relations, framed by specific values shaped by our history, participate in what defines us as “Capitalizts”, in addition to our everyday connection with a particular area of land, outside of which we suddenly become foreigners.

I know I certainly feel foreign when I visit my mother’s country. I have been raised in the UCS, and have interiorised the Capitalizt way of life as my own. I feel comfortable with it. It feels “normal”.

This brings us back to the issue of the “community”. What is a community? For an Ariddian, the answer to that question is not particularly difficult. The prevailing Ariddian sense of self, including that of Indigenous Ariddians, emphasises the individual’s belonging to a group, and his or her responsibilities to fellow members of that group. For Capitalizts, the definition is more difficult. The very concept of community seems to refer to a person’s individuality being subsumed within a larger whole, a phenomenon which flies in the face of what we see as core Capitalizt values. The individual, here, must be supreme, and distinct.

Ah, you might say, but Ariddia has a strong, intrusive, centralised government, which enables the “national community” to cohere. Well… not quite. Decentralisation, and the transition from socialism to communism, have de-emphasised the national state in the PDSRA, and shifted that emphasis to the local communes, which now have so much autonomy that they could almost be called sovereign microstates in their own right. Individual Ariddians’ sense of everyday group belonging is grounded in their small, local community. The national government, stripped of virtually all interventionist authority, no longer defines Ariddia as it once did. And yet, a great number of educated, highly rational Ariddians build themselves up into a frenzy of excitement when the Rouge-et-Noirs are playing. Why? Because, even if the connection between government and nation has been whittled away, and Ariddians seem well on their way towards stateless communism, the concept of “Ariddia” still holds meaning. To most Ariddians, being Ariddian is to identify with the legacy of a national history, for example, or with a set of core “national values”. In that sense, the national identity framework for Capitalizts and Ariddians may not be all that dissimilar after all.

Ultimately, Capitalizts do support Capitalizt teams because to do so means something to them. The implied sense of community is built and defined by its members. There is no coercion involved – nothing sinister, and nothing contrary to sacrosanct Capitalizt values.

We feel that these football teams represent us because, perhaps, we all need to feel defined by something beyond our mere individuality. National capitalizt ideology notwithstanding.

- Gu Jang-ŭn Patrick (구 장은 바드리그)

Candelaria And Marquez

25-02-2008, 18:39

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>World Cup>Latest Updates

Reality bites as C&M crash out of Cup The Big Green Blues’ bizarre World Cup journey has finally come to and end at the hands of Milchama. Both teams enjoyed their fair share of the play in the opening half hour, but C&M never looked likely to beat Florence Mendelbaum, assuming it was Florence Mendelbaum, you never can tell with these pesky goalkeepers.

As the first half drifted away, Candelaria And Marquez (incorrectly named as a top-twenty team in some quarters recently) were increasingly under the cosh, but it took a moment of inspiration from Allen Varens to finally give the favourites the lead two minutes before the whistle.

Half-time saw the White Fortress momentarily become well-named as the previously noted sprit of animosity between the two sets of supporters spilled over into some slightly effeminate scrapping between the small number of Milchaman fans who were able to push past the lofty match stewards. In an incident that in the long-term may overshadow the achievements of Lloyd Donnelly’s men in the Candelariasian press, the notorious All Saints Army, who had not previously been believed to have travelled to Valanora, piled into their opposite numbers for around thirty seconds of really quite severe handbags that will definitely, certainly take the gloss off the Big Blues’ superb – if fortunate – results over the last couple of weeks.

Once order had been restored, the second half got under way with Milchama soon extending their lead. A fine strike from Ignacio Vélez pulled one back and gave C&M renewed hope, but a breakaway in the seventieth minute ended in Lorenzo De Wilde bringing down Varens and Kenji Miller slotting home the third from the penalty spot. Benji Fu limped off shortly after; reducing C&M to ten men with all three substitutes already on the pitch and from then on the result looked never in doubt.

Speaking immediately after the match, Donnelly praised his players for their performances and publicly denied for the first time that he was set to quit the national job in favour of a return to club management. “Providing they let me, I’ll be in the dug out as we prepare for our trip to, well, let’s be honest, Krytenia or Starblaydia.”

Starblaydia themselves failed to keep up their end of the bargain by recording a sensational win against Jeruselem that made them one of the most fortunate quarter-finalists of all time. Donnelly wasn’t too disappointed though, admitting that “what with all the weirdness and nihontō-based slayings the Jeruselemites bring to the tournament, it’s great to see such a nice, normal country as Starblaydia make it this far. Good luck to ‘em, I say.”

Candelaria And Marquez

25-02-2008, 18:41

Aaaaand now... Pointless Subplot Productions Present... The Sixth and Final Part.

Hernández turned towards Tony. “Now, y’see, you I don’t get. Mark, I can appreciate the problem he has with me. Our recently departed faerie-friend obviously has… issues. Miss Pickering…”

“I’m a first-wave indigo child from the ultra-violet realm. I’m here to enlighten the people of the Candelarias and battle the unseen dark forces.”

“… is obviously a bit mental. Tom… Well, I can see by the whole holding-hands-with-a-gnome thing you’ve got stuff going on there too… But you? I’ve never really had problems with elves. Not the proper, pointy-eared kind, anyway.”

Tony frowned. He was beginning to feel like a successful American recording artist or actor who’d agreed to be involved in the UK edition of Big Brother. Once more, he looked up into the steely eyes of Daniel Martino. “I was informed by Mr. Martino there that you were carrying out hideous genetic experiments on elves, and that he was investigating it. I’d come to shut you down, once and for all.”

Martino blushed on his lofty perch and turned towards Hernández. “Sorry, sir. I felt it was important to get extra-curricular elves off the scent. If we let too many countries get involved, there’d bound to be some opposition eventually.”

“So… You’re not conducting hideous etcetera…?”

“What? No! Of course not,” Hernández snapped. “Honestly. We’re making sure the people of the Candelarias don’t discover what’s really out there for their own goods and those of a small, endangered selection of little people we’ve unwittingly found ourselves the protectors of. It’s elves who finance all this. Well, elves and religious conservatives. How d’you think we get this place?”

“You have an alliance with the Valanorans?”

“We’ve an alliance with some elves who’ve an alliance with some elves, who’ve an alliance with some elves, who have a certain amount of influence on this lot, yeah. At the very least, it gives us somewhere to hang if we ever need to be over here, for whatever reason. On that note, incidentally, there should be a whole lot of Ministry officials shipping up here in a minute. We’ve got a helluva lot of work to do ahead of the Starblaydi game. Or whoever we’re playing next. Oooh, time sucks. Point is, there’s going to be a great many people apart from me and Daniel here in no time at all, and you’re only mildly immortal, I’m guessing. So I wouldn’t suggest trying to pull a fast one, Tone.”

“I wasn’t planning to. It appears,” Tony added in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “That I have been misinformed. Good day to you all!”

“But…” Baker protested. “He was going to kill that kid… We can’t let him…”

Tony shrugged. “No business of mine,” he said simply, stalking out of the nearest doorway. Nothing can stalk like a grumpy elf.

Hernández walked over to the four remaining members of the fellowship. Sarah backed away. “This is all a trick, isn’t it?” she whispered. “You and the walruses and the new world order. All this stuff… Elves and that. You’re trying to distract people like me from the truth. This is just more false information. You’ve probably put a chip in my brain.” She clenched her fists. “Come on… I need you…”

Hernández looked at her in concern. “What are you doing?”

“It’s only a guess,” Ma-Gl said sadly, “But I’m guessing she’s trying to summon up the compassionate ants to take her out of here.”

“That, or she’s trying to speak telepathically with the Playdoughans,” Tom suggested. “She’s quite keen on them, as well.”

“Right. Oh-kay. We’ll let her do that.” The minister circled around Baker. “You see the people we’re dealing with, Mark?”

“You’re a bastard.”

“I have a job to do! It’s a good job and it needs doing and quite frankly I’m sick to the back teeth – and I should point out that they’re the only ones I have right now – of gold diggers like you trying to throw a spanner in the works.” He placed his gun in his other hand and quietly gave the football manager one hell of a crack on the head with the handle. Baker crumpled to the floor.

“Gaffer!” Tom shouted and rushed towards him, cradling his hero in his arms.

“Oh, will everyone please stop fretting,” Hernández complained. “They don’t make centre-halves like they used to… Baker’ll be fine.”

“How come you can survive having your head slammed against the floor a dozen times while he’s out like a light just like that?” Ma-Gl asked.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake! You’re getting a plot here, don’t expect it to make sense an’ all.”

Tom disentangled himself from Baker and returned to the side of the gnome, squeezing her hand. “Look, Mr. Hernández… We’ve got no problem with you. We – We didn’t know what we were here to do, honest! Me and Ma-Gl –”

…have got each other, whaaatever life may send us, Hernández elected not to warble.

“…We’d be no trouble, wouldn’t we?”

The gnome nodded. “We wouldn’t, Mr. Hernández. We wouldn’t tell a soul.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t. But your fellow players? The tabloids? Have you any idea how difficult it would be to shut up the fact that a C&M international football star is having a thing with a gnome?! We wouldn’t be able endemicnonneurologicalcongenitalhypothyroidism-it up if you were in the Mercury every damn day. And you would be, mark my words. People would get suspicious if you weren’t…”

Tom shook his head. He appeared to be on the verge of tears. “No… You can’t win this. We can’t let you. Evil never wins in these sorts of situations…”

“Only when it’s ugly, Tom. Also, I object to the ‘evil’ tag. Look, kids, I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do. My hands are tied. I’m just going to have to help you… kick the hobbit, if you will.”

“No…”

“This really wouldn’t be good for your career after all, Tom. Think of all the sacrifices your old dad made so that you could get a proper footballing education. Wasn’t easy in those days, was it? None of these plush new academies. You’ve fought for your place on the Port of Clotaire team. You’re playing next to a Zwangzug international! Who would’ve thunk that of little Tommy Redway? And now… Well, you know as well as I do that Benji Fu’s not going to be around forever. Lorenzo De Wilde’s not on the greatest form. Everyone’s looking to you to be our number five… What a disappointment it would be if you couldn’t reach your potential, Tom…”

The football turned to look at Ma-Gl. His hand slipped away from hers.

“Plus, Tom… I’ve heard those withdrawal symptoms of Verbosita are really quite severe…”

“Tom…” the gnome whispered.

“I… My dad… Dad always knew I’d captain C&M. Even when there wasn’t a C&M to captain. He… He always knew I’d win the World Cup…”

“You might yet,” Hernández nodded. “There’s still plenty of time…”

Tom turned silently to Ma-Gl. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. “But I could lift the World Cup…”

“Good man,” Hernández smiled.

***

They’d done a good job. They’d had to. Dwarves and elves in the crowd, then gnomes, elves and, whaddaya know; a dwarf, against druids… Hernández still couldn’t quite believe that people just accepted it, and perhaps it wouldn’t last if C&M’s ball wasn’t picked out tomorrow. He was in two minds about whether to hope they’d go through or not for once, but even if they did they’d surely get whacked by one lot of Jews or t’other. They had to.

He left the remaining ministry people to the dwarf-induced clean-up job and walked out into the fresh air, joining Sarah on the balcony looking out over the plains west of Longview. He put a hand on her shoulder.

“What do you think, then?” she asked.

“Hm?”

“Up there. Are they sylphs?”

“I think they’re just clouds, Sarah.”

“They talk to me, though…”

“Oh. What d’they say?”

“Well… When I say talk… It’s more like a feeling. Like, this sudden uplifting joy or awful unhappiness… Mr. Jonathan says that’s how they communicate to humans.”

“Ah. Well, Mr. Jonathan says lots of things.”

“He’s never said anything about elves, though. Not… Real ones, anyway. Not pointy-eared ones who speak in contractions. People who push their stomachs and then just disappear into a cloud of yellow. All of this, he’s never… You’ve seen it all, Mr. Hernández?”

“Pretty much.”

“So… the shapeshifting walruses? The new world order? The compassionate ants? The shadow people? You’ve never…?”

“No.”

“And… Do you think I’m first wave indigo scout? Only, I fit the bill perfectly.”

“Oh, no doubt. I think we probably all fit the bill perfectly though, Sarah. As long as we’re willing to pay Scott Jonathan for the trouble…”

“God…”

“Can’t vouch for Him either way, I’m afraid. On the balance of probability I’d say probably no as well, but…”

“How do you know Mr. Jonathan, anyway? Well, I suppose you’d have to in your line of work, but…”

“Would you believe me if I said I had him on speed dial?”

“You know… I thought his prices were a little steep for someone whose metaphysical form has learnt to soar to heights unimaginable… Why, Mr. Hernández?”

“Because people like you are dangerous, Sarah. Most people in the Candelarias just accept what people like me tell them because the truth is too ludicrous. We need people like Scott to provide ‘the truth’. For most people to scoff at and… inquiring minds like yours to lap up. You’ve spent your life seeking answers the state can’t provide. And ‘Mr. Jonathan’ is there waiting for you. I don’t know what I’d do without him, really.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t want any of this, you know? Not really. That’s why I came here. I wanted to forget I was a… first wave indigo scout on the verge of my crystal transitional crisis, and to just enjoy going on a Rethshaar-themed adventure holiday. I didn’t want to see anyone shot! Much less a teenage faerie!”

“I know, I know… Shh… Sarah, there is one other thing I need to show you, though. Well, three others things…”

Sarah let herself be turned around slowly by the minister’s hand. She gasped and put a hand to her mouth. Three astonishingly ugly blood red creatures, about half the size of her, were waiting patiently on the balcony.

“What… What are they?”

“Well… This is wor Bobby…”

“Aareet,” the creature on the far left said personably.

“And this is wor Jackie…”

“Wye aye, pet.”

“And this is wor Alan…”

“Ha d’ye dee?”

“They’re what we call Svartálfar.”

“Svarts..? Someone mentioned them earlier, I think.”

“Quite possibly. We tend to mention them a lot when we can’t think of a proper plot. ‘Svarts’ isn’t semantically correct, by the way, but… Any road, these little guys are pretty much what all this is about. They grow on you, trust me. They… get in your head. And they do oh-so many amazing things…”

Sarah began to back away as the Svartálfar advanced on her. She desperately looked at Hernández and then behind her, but it was a dead end.

“What…?”

“Just stay calm, Sarah. It won’t hurt. And it needs to be done. I’m sorry. Think of it as the next stage of your spiritual journey…”

***

Tom Redway sat in his cold hotel bed, watching the Milchama game on the telly. Benji Fu had got injured, late on. He could’ve got himself a cap as a sub. But Donnelly had been very clear that anyone who went awol during the tournament wouldn’t be welcome back in his squad. Not for a good while, at any rate. And after reaching the knock-out stages, clearly the manager wasn’t going anywhere just yet. So that was it. He’d followed the faerie on a fool’s errand, and he’d pretty much sacrificed his international career in the process. And for her. A gnome. What had he been thinking?!

“What’re you thinking?” Ma-Gl asked, snuggling up to him.

“Not much… Just that Hernández was right about one thing.”

“What?”

“Humans really are stupid,” he grinned.

She smiled. “Only the Candelariasian ones…”

***

“Morning, Cedric.”

“Morning, George.”

“I say, Cedric… You seem to be in a spot of bother, there.”

“Yes. I’m afraid I’m trapped under this leaf.”

“Oh. Well, I’m frightfully sorry for you. It’s quite awful.”

“I don’t suppose you’d lend a brother a mandible, would you?”

“I could try… Gosh, I’m ever so sorry.”

“Yes, yes, alright. Here, try and… Yes, just there. If you can lift it… Oi! Mind my metathoracic spiracle there, George!”

“Oh, gosh. Sorry! Um. Well. I think you’re in a bit of a pickle, then.”

“Yes. Oh well. These things happen.”

“Quite. Shall I wait here for you to die and then eat you?”

“I rather think you better had, old bean.”

“Righto. Gosh. I really do feel for yo–”

“Oh, shove it up yer Malpighian tubules.”

Ariddia

25-02-2008, 18:54

Murder by Queen Katherine: Ariddians horrified

A chill has fallen on relations between the Ariddian Isles and Jeruselem following Ariddian outrage at the murder committed by Jeruselem’s Queen Katherine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/kate_dallas.html). The queen publicly beheaded a man in Valanora, sparking international condemnation.

Rouge-et-Noirs star football player and prominent human rights activist Jamilah Shahrour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/jamilah_shahrour.html) immediately condemned the crime, and demanded justice.

“I understand there’s an issue of diplomatic immunity, but I’m sure the Valanoran authorities don’t want foreign royals walking around their countries murdering people and going unpunished. And Jeruselem is an authoritarian monarchy, so the authorities can’t hand their queen over to Valanora. If Queen Katherine is the only person who can lift her own diplomatic immunity, then I call upon her to do so, and hand herself over to the Valanoran authorities to face trial.”

Shahrour added: “Above all else, our thoughts should be with the victim’s family. But we should also be demanding justice. If the queen gets away with this, what’s to stop her from killing again?”

Queen Katherine is one-quarter Ariddian.

The Prime Secretary of the Ariddian Isles Federation, Robert Freeson, has stated that he is “appalled and disgusted” at the crime.

“I know I’m deeply ashamed that this was committed by a fellow Ariddian,” Mr. Freeson said. “I urge the government of Jeruselem to cooperate fully with the Valanoran authorities to ensure that justice is done in this matter, and that this brutal murder does not go unpunished.”

West Ariddia’s capitalist leader Liang Jui-te also condemned the queen.
“Speaking on a personal level, and not necessarily in my official capacity as head of government, of course I’m horrified,” Mr. Liang said. “Any person in a free country should have a number of essential, inalienable rights. These rights include not being murdered by a representative of the State. Or by a visiting representative of a foreign State, for that matter.”

Jane Sanderson, the Ariddian coach of Jeruselem’s national football team, has not yet become available for comment.

The Ariddian reaction was inevitable, but there are now concerns that good relations between the two countries may become extremely strained.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” said Luc Largentier, an Ariddian chemistry student in Jeruselem. “I just don’t know. Football is supposed to be about friendship and good will and good relations, and now this. . . I don’t know.”

Devorah Cohen, a Jeruselem medical student at Ariddia’s University of Rêvane, is equally worried.
“I’m going to be watching the news closely,” she said. “This is. . . I don’t really want to comment.”

Spontaneous protest gatherings have occurred outside the Jeruselem embassies in Rêvane and Aqeyr. The protesters have been demonstrating loudly but peacefully, demanding that Queen Katherine be stripped of her titles and privileges, and arrested.

Bostopia

25-02-2008, 22:30

“No-one expects the Casaran firequisition!” The Emperor yelled out of a window, while watching Casaran soldiers shoot fire at a patch of crickets.

Shutting the window (the smell of burning cricket was making him dizzy), he turned to sit back down at his desk, at which a box had been mysteriously placed next to it. The box itself was making a terrible racket. Grabbing his crowbar, which had the words “Incase of Communist Invasion, Break Skulls” inscribed on it, he forced the box open, only to find a Han pizza/sushi chef jumping out of it, waving a meat cleaver about wildly.

“I've been in there for a week!” She yelled, while slicing through the letter in the Emperor's right hand.

“Well, I'm glad I put the air-holes in then.” The Emperor replied, pleased at not having a dead body in the office.

“I get to the Emperor's office as ordered, and they bunged me in that crate!”

“At least you've learnt out language.” The Emperor said, trying to make the best out of the situation.

“Wait, you speak this?” The chef replied, dumbfounded. “I thought I'd made it up...” she continued, her voice trailing at the end.

“...Yes we do. Anyway, if you had that cleaver, why not cut yourself out?”

The chef looked at the Emperor with disgust, then at the knife, then at the Emperor again. She shook her head, then walked out of the room.

“Kitchen's on the third floor, elevators to the left!”

The chef walked back past the door, this time going left, nodded at the Emperor and then continued walking toward the elevator.

The Emperor shrugged, got some sticky-tape, and stuck the letter together. He read it, then began to pen a reply.

“Dear Emperor.
Hello! Please find a jar of Piccalilli enclosed with this letter. It goes well with cheese and ham, both in sandwiches and also on a plate. On the issue of an alliance with yourselves to fight Sorthern Northland, I am most pleased. We are, as you know, very much against Communists. While plundering and employing scorched earth policies are very much our thing, occupying is also something we like to do at weekends, so we will be happy to help.

In-fact, Casari managed to stop us occupying and plundering their land, though we're not sure if they meant to do it, or if it was just a lucky break. Casari meanwhile isn't invading Bostopia. We let them come in to take out the unlucky crickets some unhelpful gits decided to drop on Fort Boston. Of course, we cannot let them use their flame-throwers in the park, so the Casarans decided to release hamsters in the park, as they eat crickets!

Once all the crickets are gone, we are going to give the hamsters to local children, because we're nice like that. Sorthern Northland ought to be nicer. They don't share their beer with local children. I think that's mean. Thank you very much for the sushi/pizza chef. I agree that she is not very good at being a porcupine. She is not spiky at all, though she is very adept at using the cleaver.

We hope you have understood that Casari was not invading yourselves, though we're not sure who is. Some of our younger regiments are a bit invade-happy. Indeed, just the other day, one of our newer-trained regiments managed to invade our own north coast earlier this year! Oh how we all had a good laugh. Then we had them all court-marshalled and they had to live off the land completely naked for two months, having to make all their tools and shelters from scratch. Apart from clothes. They weren't allowed those. They all survived of course, and they learnt their lesson, successfully invading an enemy just a few days ago. Not you. They didn't invade you. I REPEAT. WE DID NOT INVADE DAEHANJEIGUK.

I hope this letter finds you well.

Yours Faithfully

Emperor Boston.”

Jeruselem

26-02-2008, 00:19

Jeruselem Government News

Slain person was "persona non grata"

The person who got on the wrong side of Queen Skate was found to be a "persona non grata" as well as "damnatio memoriae". The person in question was a Jeruselem citizen but was stripped of this later. John Dolfae has been wandering the world getting kicked out of nation after nation, after entering using dubious means. John does not have a legitimate citizenship of any nation and has been conning money of out of people to survive.

He entered Valanoran territory using a stolen passport of a person of similar appearance. John was never a popular person at home with his own family disowning him for stealing the families life savings to fund his overseas travels.

John's ex-wife said "Skate did a good thing. I hope they throw his body into a public dump to join the garbage he is. I'm not ask the authorities to press charges if they ask as I'm living in poverty because of him. I've got two kids here and they don't think much of their father either".

His parents made a short comment "He's not part of our family now. We have no attachment to him"

Princess Jacinta Dallas said about her sister "You know she's got this temper. She's also a trained assassin, so it's not a good combination to have if you want to piss her off. Please do not dare her to do things, she's not exactly non-compliant."

Skate's mother Dazza said
"Yes, Kate is a bit like that ... it doesn't come from me. I'm a big sook ... so I guess it's a Pointy Stick thing. You really don't want piss her off too much. She's quite ruthless, if there's an issue - she'll fix fast including lopping of people's heads."

King Richard I of Jeruselem said "I was afraid something like this will happen. It takes quite an annoying person to set her off. I mean you really have try. Normally she just jumps up and down, and gets cranky but in this case ... I think she got pushed too far. We are looking into the situation now, legally."

Queen Skate made a statement to the press
"I regret my actions. One shouldn't kill because they are upset at someone but in this case - he was getting annoying. He was really baiting me for hours. I think I just snapped at the Starblaydia comment. I should have not gone through with the dare but I'd had quite enough of him. If they want to arrest me, they know where to find me."

A spokeperson for the Executioner's Society said
"We'd like her to work for us. That was one great slice. "

No one in Jeruselem has come forward to claim John's body although John's ex-wife has asked the body to be feed to vultures.

For the record, John Dolfae once was arrested for burning Ariddian flags in public denouncing a "commie" invasion of Jeruselem. He's also wanted for fire-bombing Ariddian businesses in Jeruselem.

The rulers of Jeruselem have never been a kind lot towards troublemakers. The sword has always been used on problematic people whether it was the Jews, Turks, Crusaders, Byzantines, Mamelukes, Selucids, Babylonians, Asyrians, and of course the Romans. Softness is not attribute of a Jeruselem ruler. Nothing has changed, even Queen Skate isn't going change that because she's just as ruthless as the former rulers. In perspective, it's good it hasn't changed because it's only way to keep the troublemakers under control in Holy Lands. Sad but true.

Bazalonia

26-02-2008, 02:44

A letter arrived for James Gaines care of the BFSA... Strange, he normally didn't get many work letters now, as WCC and BFSA Pres, he was in-undated with requests of all sorts... Most of them went directly into the bin... this one probably would have done so too, if it wasn't for the unusualness of the situation.

James opened it up... inside there was a form letter with a stamp marked confidential and spaces that were left open typed in with the result....

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/BoC.jpg

"Wow, I've never had such a formal hate mail." he said before binning it, never to look at it again.

Jeruselem

26-02-2008, 03:51

Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas was sitting with her sister Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas. She handed over her tiara and jewelry to Jacinta, and said
"Look, I don't need these for now. You can be Queen ... or pretend to. Be a good girl. Take care of my kids if I can't."

Both of them waited for police to take Skate away ...

Rocky Pointy Stick, the Queen's brother came in
"Err, I can explain that temper of yours. It comes from my and your father. Dad is nice guy but he's got this breaking point. I'm so sorry, you got that gene."

Daehanjeiguk

26-02-2008, 04:04

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

皇 - So what's new?

外 - Well, I hate to say that our last letter from Bostopia came in a jar of... something. I can hardly read the letter...

"Hello! I please you to find a jar of pickles with this letter."

皇 - That does not look like pickles.

外 - Well, just wait. There's more. "It runs well with chesse and ham, both in sandy bread and also on a plate."

皇 - These people have a weird cuisine.

外 - Emperor. I'm reading this letter. Do you want to know what they wrote?

皇 - Very well. This is confusing beyond belief.

外 - "On the matter of an alliance with yourself to fight against Sorthern Northland, I am most pleased. We are, like you know, very much against Communists. While plundering and employing scortched earth to police our very thing to be, occupying is as well something we prefer to do on weekends, so we will be smiling to help.

In fact, Casari managed to stop us occupying and plundering their land, though we're not certain if they intended to do it, or if it was justice to a lucky break. Casari in the meantime is not invading Bostopia. We let them come in to take out the unlucky crickets some unhelpful stone decided to drop on Fort Boston. Of course, we cannot let them use their fire-throwing guns in the park, so the Casarans decided to release fat mice in the park, as they eat crickets!"

皇 - We must begin an extermination campaign against all fat mice in the world!

外 - Emperor... "Once all the crickets have gone home, we are going to give the hamsters to native childre, because we're good like that. Sorthern Northland ought to be better. They don't share their beer with their native children. I think that's intentional. Thank you very much for the sushi/pizza chef. I agree that she is not very good at being a concubine. She is not spiky at all, though she is very adept at using the sickle.

We hope you have underestimated that Casari was not invading themselves, though we're not sure who is. Some of our younger regiments are somewhat happy to invade. Indeed, justice of a day, one of our newer regiments on a train administered an invasion of our northern coast earlier in the year! Oh, how much we all had a good smile. Then we had them all marshaled on the court to live off the land completely naked for two months, having to make all their instruments and shelters from scratching. Apart from clothes. They weren't allowed those. They all survived in course, and they learned their lessons, successfully invading an enemy just a few days ago. Not you. They didn't invade you. I SAY AGAIN! WE DID NOT INVADE DAEHANJEIGUK!

I hope that this letter finds you.

Your Faithful,

Emperor Boston."

皇 - Okay. So... we're now at war wih Sorthern Northland, we've extinguished the invaders at Haenam, and Casari is invading themselves? What the hell is going on in the world?

軍 - You know what, Emperor? I say that now we've gotten everything back to normal... let's just ignore what's going on. I mean. This sub-plot war has cost us a lot of money, and not to mention we're going to have repurcussions from the people if they ever figure out that we had a nuclear war against Tutustan. And we'll have to justify it all to Bostopia, Sorthern Northland, and Casari anyway, so let's just stop doing stuff for a long time. Until the scene warrants something like that.

*cricket chirps*

皇 - I agree with the cricket. Let's just ignore everything and back to doing business as normal.

外 - Wait! What about the war against Sorthern Northland?

皇 - Well, as far as I'm concerned, Bostopia can handle it. At least on weekends.

政 - What about the squid? We've finally gotten to the head!

皇 - Cut it up into small pieces, feed our people, and sell the excess to Bostopia. I think Emperor Boston would like a seafood pizza with fresh seafood. Just make sure that it doesn't rot.

事 - What about Haenam? It's going to be hard to justify that to the people, especially those who got trapped in the conflict. We still have no clue who started it, because just burned the remains and threw their ashes into the sea. And the tanks look like they belong to us.

皇 - Uhm... aliens. Aliens invaded Haenam.

事 - Aliens?

皇 - Do you have a better idea?

事 - Not really. Aliens. Which kind?

皇 - The ones from space, you moron! (playing on the fact that "foreigners" in Korea and China are really called "aliens"/"barbarians" in the classical language)

===================

MD1: Wentland 0-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt, 127,202)
MD2: Bazalonia 4-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ Stádie Montánire, High Mountain, 141,042)
MD3: Tynelia 1-2 Daehanjeiguk (@ C4Stadion, Metrewalk, 131,160)
R16: Daehanjeiguk 1-3 Ad'ihan (@ Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Daehanjeiguk.png|Daehanjeiguk |1 - 3 | Ad'ihan|http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Adihan.png

http://www.fifa.com/mm/photo/tournament/competition/02_230067031_9791_full-lnd.jpg

The dream ends here, but not for long.

Cha Beomgeun makes a dramatic exit along with the Imperial Squad, who have fought their way to the Second Round in the UCS. But against a strong Ad'ihan team, they were unable to hold their ground and despite an early goal by Jeong Jihun, the Han fell 3-1. It was a remarkable show, and despite the contest against Bazalonia - who also fell against Ariddia in the Second Round match - Ad'ihan were considerably stronger, faster-paced, and overall better. It's hard to admit, but the Imperial Sqaud did come into this tournament with many expecting them to cow out in the Group Stage, so already they have shown that they are a competent team at this stage and are not so weak as many had expected.

The match began strong with Jeong taking a quick shot on the unsuspecting Ad'ihan defense, netting it after 5 minutes of play. After that, the unsuspecting defenders were unusually suspecting, and they were extremely efficient at getting every attack before it materializing. On the opposite side, the Han defense began to have trouble, and it was almost inevitable that they equalized by the 22nd minute of play. Hoping to go out even at least, the Han tried play keep-away. It unfortunately didn't work and the Ad'ihan players managed to make it 2-1 at half. It must have been an emotional moment in the locker room, as the Han players realized that this was (1) going to be their last match in the World Cup (this time around at least); (2) going to be their last match for a long time; and (3) going to be their last match with Cha Beomgeun. He had made no indications that he would stay either for the OFC or any other tournament, but after Ad'ihan won their match and all, he gave his final press conference in the stadium conference room.

"It has been my distinct pleasure, my distinct honor, my distinct privilege to have served here in my full capacity. While the IFA and I have not formally agreed to this and many other arrangements, I think that it's fairly safe to say that this will be the end of my journey now with the Han squad. Most of these players have been with me since we started it three Cups ago and won the Baptism of Fire too. I've been proud of their advancement and the quality of their play. And it's been a tough time too.

"When I took the job, I realized that I had a tough task ahead to handle. I would have to make these players - with no international experience - manage to play against some of the best teams in the world. It was the primary reason why we signed up for the Baptism of Fire in the World Cup 36. While it did little to improve our qualification chances that year, I think it set the tone for us to continue playing better football. I encouraged the IFA to start the OFC as an opportunity, not only to bring together the Han diaspora, but also to give our players an opportunity to play against seasoned teams in an informal setting.

Well, our success has been met with failure at times. Last Cup, we failed to qualify on goal difference - a painful thing. We have yet to win our own tournament. And we've had difficulty in the Cup of Harmony a couple of times too. But I think that my job here is done, and everything that I had wanted it also complete. I have made this team a World-class player, and I think the players will continue to advance. But I think that it is now time for a new coach to take the reins and to get experience handling this team. I have no intention to select this coach, but I assure you that the IFA will make it a just and responsible choice. As for suspicions that I would continue my tour until the end of the OFC, I have made it clear to the IFA that I would not be coaching after the World Cup, and it is to my knowledge that Count Jeong respects this decision. As to other rumors, I will not be taking any new positions in the near future. Coaching for the last 4 Cups has been exhausting, and it's only fitting that we get some rest before duty calls to us again. I maintain my hope that one day, the Han will carry the World Cup Trophy, and indeed, one day, the Han will carry the World Cup as well. But those are plans for the future, and they are mine to plan. It will be a thing for our next generation - the ones who have seen this Cup - to determine and to accomplish. I wish them all the best blessings from Heaven to achieve this dream. As for me, I will watch them gratefully from wherever I will be watching at that time."

And the results of our predictions.

Predicted Correctly
Predicted Winner
WRONG

Capitalizt SLANI 3-1 Zwangzug (4-2)
Daehanjeiguk 1-2 Ad’ihan (1-3)
Ariddia 2-0 Bazalonia (4-2)
Yafor 2 1-1 Casari (2-1 aet) (1-1; 3-4 PK)
Northern Bettia 1-5 Bettia (1-3)
Squornshelous 3-2 Valanora (4-6)

Match Summary
5' - HAN Goal (#11)
22' - ADH Goal
38' - ADH Goal
77' - ADH Goal

Goal Scorers:

3 - Jeong Jihun
2 - Kim Daeeui
1 - Kim Byeongji, Hong Myeongbo[/QUOTE]

Milchama

26-02-2008, 04:58

Have you been reading Milchamian RPs since World Cup 34?

Have you ever wondered who the hell are these two people who talk about seemingly every sporting event under the sun? Do they have lives? Or maybe there are more than two people?

Well you need to wait no more. Here is the back story of our brave men who talk about every sporting even under the sun.

Part 1: The beginning of the middle of the end.

Both of our main characters, who we shall call Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, (They want their real names to remain secret) have been avid sports fans as long as they can remember. They are just two regular guys who watch a lot of sports on TV.

Tweedle Dee is an owner of a shop in New Babylon while Tweedle Dum is the manager of the same store. Due to New Babylon's policies along with Milchamian socialism both are paid the same amount and asked the government if they only got one TV for the two of them if it could be a bigger and more technically sound TV. The government agreed, so ever since the two of them have watched TV together and have become good friends. They watch a variety but, of course, outside of sports they have completely different TV interests so they only watch the great TV for sporting events.

They had a nice little anonymous existence in New Babylon with their wives (yes they have wives!) and families, splitting time between work, family, and sports until the 1st World Baseball Classic where one of them came up with the idea of the Margaret chant, which has since become internationally renowned and groaned at. However, this cheer got certain people to bug their house and transcribe their conversations so that the international community could listen to their wisdom (or lack of it).

The Margaret incident and more will be explained in Part 2: Are Animal Sacrifices really out of style?

"Whoa dude did you see this?"

"What?"

"They're doing a documentary about us on TV"

"That's weird, it's not like we're special, nobody even knows our names"

"I know, nor do they really know anything about us"

"Yeh most of that is a lie. We don't live in New Babylon we live in-"

*HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK*

"I know and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are such stupid names. They really should use our real names which are -"

*GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL*

"What was that?"

"I guess that highlight was pretty exciting, too bad we missed it"

"Yeh oh well."

"Well what did you think of the game last night?"

"It was an awful display of everything that Milchama is about"

"What do you mean? We won 2-1 and Kenji Miller scored even"

"So? Don't you see man we couldn't get past the security guards and our fans got hit by purses. FUCKING PURSES!"

"That is weak, I agree but we need to remember that they were facing elves"

"Goddamn magic, it ruins everything"

"Yep"

"Well now we're in the quarterfinals and should make it to semis"

"Now what makes you say that?"

"Simple, we are undefeated this cup and we're playing a very vulnerable looking Bettia side that only won because it played a local derby"

"Derbies make everything to simple. Yeh when the Bettians hit some real competition they won't know what hit them"

"We'll wipe the floor with them"

"Bloody Muslims"

"So then we must show our Jewish pride and superiority"

"Yes"

"COME ON YOU WARRIORS BEAT THE GODDAMNED MUSLIMS!"

"AESH AESH MILCHAMA! LOH TESACHEK HAGANAH!"

Jeruselem

26-02-2008, 05:29

Press Release from the Jeruselem Embassy in Ariddia

A recent incident in Valanora where Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem beheaded a Jeruselemite fugitive John Dolfae during a World Cup 39 party. The Queen is my daughter and she will handing herself over to Valanoran authorities for trial. Consideration to use of diplomatic immunity was considered but Kate has decided not to take it up.

Kate said to me she's ready to get executed although it isn't a preference.

My daughter is of good character but she does have a nasty temper which flares up if you bait her too much. The individual in question who got his head removed was known troublemaker and known to bait authorities with his antics.

While I wish the incident did not happen, it has. Only the King of Jeruselem can remove his wife from the position of Queen, so it is up to him. Kate will hand herself over for a trial and will plead guilty to killing of John Dolfae. We are not sure what charges will be laid, but it is not under our control.

Since John Dolfae is classified as "persona non grata" in Jeruselem, Jeruselem cannot charge Kate with anything as John does not exist legally in Jeruselem. Oddly if she had beheaded him or run him over with a steamroller in Jeruselem, it'd be quite legal.

Now, I wish to underline the nature of the Jeruselem state to Ariddians. We don't pretend to be democratic, humanitarian, or anything else nice in Jeruselem. The place has always been run in an autocratic manner. Jeruselem holds a flower on one hand and sword in another.

Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas
Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia

Elves Security Forces

26-02-2008, 06:05

Official Decree of Great Leader Tobias Raynor

My fellow Vanorians and friends of Valanora, I write this decree to you today in the most troubling of circumstances. Two days ago on the our beloved island of Capri, Jeruselem Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas struck down a Mr. John Dolfae in cold blood. Video and audio evidence turned over to the local police department resulted in the arrest of the Matriarch last night after she waived her right to diplomatic immunity. She was charged with Murder in the first degree. As my fellow countrymen know, those charged with murder in Valanora have their right to a public trial suspended, and are instead judged by three of the local district judges. If found guilty, an Valanorian would of been banished to the Seven Elvish Hells, where whatever demon or beast found them would in most cases make their hours left among the living short.

The taking of another beings life is taken very seriously here in Valanora. On average, there are only a total of seven murder cases in the four member states a year, as the penalty for such a crime is soo gruesome that it would deter even the most vile of people from committing such an act. Unfortunately, the Matriarch is not a Vanorian, and is not bound by our laws or code of behavior. Still, an act as hers deserves to be punished in a severe way, to gurantee the safety of our society, and to maintain the tranquility that we have worked soo hard to achieve. Normally such a matter would be left up to the seven supreme justices in a case such as this, but they came before me when they had reached the guilty verdict and asked me to detirmine the punishment for such a dignitary. I took the responcibility heavily, and have spent the last ten hours debating what should be a befitting punishment for such a crime against the living.

I have come to the conclusion that Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas actions were indeed provoked, but everyone, espicially those that are supposed to be heads of states are to be above such actions. To react in such a way as she did shows a complete lack of respect for the fragile nature of life and that in itself is disheartening. As a result, I am sentancing Katherine Alexandra Dallas to live out the rest of her days as a servant in the High Priestess Temple. She will have all her ties to her former life cutoff, her title as Matriarch suspended pending the judgement of Jeruselem's King, all luxury forbidden, and chaste for the rest of her life. She will be forced to submit to the will of the High Priestess as well as the fellow priestess and priests that take up residence in the Temple. Finally, she is to study the ways of Elunism in hope that she may one day understand how fragile life is. Had she been born an elf, her life would be ended shortly, but as it is, this punishment is worthy of her crimes. To maintain the safety of my citizens, Katherine is also not allowed to leave the the Temple unless in due time the High Priestess deems her not a threat to the sanctity of life.

Casari

26-02-2008, 06:32

Hill stood in front of the room, looking around at the players. "Okay, I figured we would have a bit of strategy meeting before the match against Ariddia."

A flurry of sideways glances flew between the rest of the team. "Hill, I swear to god, if you tell us-"

"Don't you even start with that crap, Potts, or I will shiv you where you sit right now."

Daniel opened his mouth again, but then fell silent, sinking back in his chair.

"That's better. Now, I thought we would start by looking at the Ariddian roster and point out some ways where we could attack it-"

"Well, there's always one way."

"Potts, I will have you contract murdered by a pack of rabid monkeys." Hill yelled.

"So much hostility." Potts said back.

"Shut up. Now, in previous games, teams seem to have had success pressing along the right side of the defensive line-"

"Although there's one way to get through."

Hill made a stunning leap over a table at Potts, who quickly rolled out of the way and ran for the door as Hill crashed into his chair and cursed loudly, chasing him down the hall. The rest of the room sat in silence. "What the hell was that?" Reoni blurted out, before Hill reentered the room, looking visibly angry.

"What a twat." she muttered. "Anyway, I figured that we would-"

"Say it!" Potts' shout came down the hall.

"I will end you!" Hill yelled back.

"Say it!"

"Oh, you useless little fuckwit!" Hill yelled, storming out again.

Reoni leaned over to Lornair, who was snickering at the entire affair. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's something from World Cup 29." Lornair said back, taking a few deep breaths.

"Well, spill."

"Well, before the match against Bedistan, it's said that the first Hill held a strategy meeting. Very official, very serious. Everyone came in and say down... and then she encouraged her players to kick the Bedistanis in their... manly bits. And to push over the women, because they were weak and useless." Lornair said, turning as a few shouts of pain echoed down the hall. "And, they kind of followed her advice."

"No."

"Well, there were one or two challenges that looked rather awkward... but nothing that could have been actually proven by any of the officials, and they got off scot free, and won the match."

"I never heard that."

"It's history, you should have."

"So... Potts is trying to get a celebration of that momentous day?"

"It seems like he's doing a better job at getting his ass kicked." Lornair finished, watching Hill reenter once again.

"You know what? Screw it, let's just run the bastards over." Silvia said, signalling to turn off the screen. At that moment, future World Cup Committee Vice President stuck her head in the room.

"If your strategy meeting's over, I was going to suggest-"

"Mom, we don't want to hear you say to kick them in the junk, allright?"

"Actually, I was going to say to not beat up your own players... but hell, that works too. See you kids at the game."

Hill's spirits visibly dropped as her mother continued down the hall. A second later, a victorious cry echoed down the hall, audiable to everyone in the room. Hill put her hands on her forehead. "I think I'm going mad."

"Well, it could be worse- it wasn't exactly your idea." Lornair said, trying to be reassuring.

---

In the meantime...

"Okay, another letter for the Hans. Someone getting this?" Premier Winter said, looking around. Her secretary nodded, prompting her to begin.

"Dear sirs:

We're saddened to hear that the story we sent was somewhat beyond your level of understanding- however, we would like to remind you of the lessons of the Alligators caught in the rushing river, and what we can draw from those experiences, such as helping others and attempting to persevere through almost overwelming obsticles, such as your wiener dog magnet attracting far too many wiener dogs and making you unable to move, as well as why it's necessary to eat broccoli. There's a number of important themes, and if they cannot me understood we would encourage you to obtain a local translation- it's a smashing good read.

Thank you,
Premier Meia Winter
Confederated Colonies of Casari."

Qazox

26-02-2008, 06:33

News Report: Lorax City ActioNews 5:

In International News, Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas daughter of the world famous (or infamous) Dazza Dallas, has been found guilty of Murder in Valanora. The unusal state of affairs could have caused an international incident, but the wise judical system of Valanora has allowed the Queen to live, despite there being a severe death penalty in the country. Reports state that Ms. Dallas is to be stripped all fo her former ranks, titles and be a servant in a High Priestess Temple in Valanora for life, and confined to the temple until she's decreed not a threat to the sanctity of life, by the High Priestess herself. One of the more harsh condidtions, at least considering the guilty is a Dallas is the sentence of chastity while imprisoned. That decision, may prove to be a fate worse than death, considering that 17% of Jeruselem, Ariddia and even here in Qazox have some familial ties to the Dallas Clan.

In National news, the massive rioting and pillaging that followed the Pheonix' latest World Cup debacle continues, and the military has been called out to help local police contain the looters, rioters and pillagers. the man known as "Shepard" continues to travel the country preaching his theory of a pastoral life for Qazox. The only thing known about the man is usually after he visits a location, riots usually follow, and "Shepard", according to the Qazox Department Internal Security, is now the #1 Most Wanted Fugitive in Qazox, although he has not yet been charged with an offical crime. If you have any information as to his whereabouts, please call 1-605-994-1235 or your local police station.

Jeruselem

26-02-2008, 06:43

Jeruselem Government News

Princess Jacinta become "unofficial" Queen

Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas has been officially charged and convicted of murder. She will spend most of her life in the High Priestess Temple as a servant, after being spared the death penalty.

King of Jeruselem accepted the verdict and was forced to remove his wife as Queen. The title of Queen has been tranferred to Kate's sister Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas although she isn't the King's wife. Hence we have a new Queen, albeit a Jewish one.

Jacinta will take over the duties of Kate. Before she does so, Jacinta and Flak Sho will be taking a holiday to Milchama before starting a new kind of life together.

Dazza Dallas said of her daughter
"I'll miss her. I hope I can get visitation rights once in a while. I really hate to say this but I think she'll kill herself before the next World Cup has started. I don't want it to happen she's always being a bit fragile. I want the temple to watch for any suicide attempts. Put it this way, if she doesn't get her football fix ... she's not going last. She can be bloody minded, and quite stubborn. One piece of advice to the priests and priestesses about my Kate, if her eyes go all red and glazed - you have one second to act or you'll be dead. Oh, she doesn't like Purple but I think most people have figures that one out."

The Jewish community spokeman said
"Oh, we have a Jewish queen ... umm ... well, we mourn the loss of the current Queen but I think Jacinta will be good Queen. She's nowhere near as tempermental as the last one!"

A Protestant spokeman said "A Jewish Queen ... THE WHORE OF BABYLON is here!"

Daehanjeiguk

26-02-2008, 07:20

(SIC - that's Silly In Character)

皇 - Emperor

外 - Marquis Pak Yu (Foreign Affairs Minister)

軍 - Marquis Yi Jongmu (Defense Minister)

事 - Marquis Yi Jangho (Domestic Affairs Minister)

政 - Marquis Jang Jeonggu (Finance Minister)

服務員 - Servant (some guy)

皇太子 - Crown Prince Yi Taejon (Crown Prince)

====

皇太子 - Hey, dad! We just got this mail today.

皇 - I thought you were at Starblaydia, doing that World Cup thingy!

皇太子 - Yeah, I needed to come back home to pick up some spare pens. My other one was almost dead.

皇 - Okay... So who's this one from?

皇太子 - It says... Casari. Say, didn't the Mujeongbu do some weird shit in that country a while back?

皇 - Yeah. Just hand it over here. Let me read it... Actually, can you read this?

皇太子 - Of course.

"Lovely men,

We're made sad hearing that the story we sent was in what sum beyond your stage of interest - but, we wish to recall to you of the lessons of the crocodiles stuck in the rushing water, and what we can make art from those experiences, such as helping other things and attempting to persevere through..." I think this wants to say 'overgrown icicles', but I can't say... " such as your magnet of Viennese dogs attracting far away and many Viennese dogs and making you a movable thing, as a well as a why it is important to eat broccoli. There is a number of important plots, and if they cannot understand me, we would suggest to you to gather a local translation - it smashes a good read.

Thank you,
First Lady Meia Winter
Confederated Colonies of Casari"

Lovely men? What is this, a country full of women? Can we take a trip there?

皇 - Not anytime soon. I think it's best to say that the post system lost the letter.

皇太子 - Well, that's a lie! I just signed something that said we received it.

皇 - And we will categorically deny that, threatening to bomb whoever leaks this information.

皇太子 - Dad... that would be me...

皇 - Right... uhm... you should be getting back right now...

Adihan

26-02-2008, 07:34

Ad'ihan complains over usage of wrong flag

Ad'ihani Prime Minister Alex Canning has written official complaints to the Ariddian and Han governments over the usage of Ad'ihan's pre-independence flag in news reports.

The flag, which shows a sand-coloured print of the former International Protectorate of Ad'ihan on a teal background, was replaced by a new flag after the whole of Grand Island and Barrier Island became part of the new sovereign state.

However, recent reports in both Ariddian Isles and Daehanjeiguk press have used the old flag instead of the new, leading to an outcry among Ad'ihani citizens. The Ad'ihani Senate unanimously passed a resolution condemning the "intentional misuse of the Ad'ihani flag" by the two countries' media, and called on Mr Canning to formally protest.

Mr Canning today confirmed that the Ad'ihani ambassador in Nouvel Espoir, Sarah Grainger, had submitted a formal complaint to the Ariddian Isles government. "I also summoned the Ariddian envoy here in Ad'ihan, Ambassador James Doyle, over the issue, and he assured me that his government was looking into the issue," he told a press gathering.

"Furthermore, I have written to His Highness the Emperor of Daehanjeiguk to register our displeasure about the incident, and have asked him to kindly investigate the paper that used the wrong flag."

The press reports came after Ad'ihan's 0-4 group stage loss to Ariddia and their recent 3-1 second round victory over the Hans. Ad'ihan next play co-hosts the Unified Capitalizt States in the quarter-finals.

Zwangzug

26-02-2008, 23:21

Peter scored a goal, yes, off a pass from Brendan, when it was too late in the game to make much of a difference. But Zwangzug's two more memorable goals (of sorts) came earlier on.

Simon Ryne's came first, tying the game at one each. Part of him wanted to freeze the moment-the tie meant he could keep going, stretch the game into forever. But the stronger part played for the win, every day. This day was like the others, and all he could hope for was that it wouldn't be anything special, that his last game would be someday later.

Andrew was trying to pass to Natalie, and she wasn't where he expected her to be. The ball trickled into the goal. That was all.

People had known all along that Simon Ryne would be enshrined-he was simply excellent, and couldn't be faulted for knowing it. The choice, in fact, had been made before, soon after Zwangzug qualified for its fourth World Cup and earned its fourth slot. It had been hidden so it wouldn't go to his head, but would that really have mattered?

There was no need to hide the second choice, someone who had been around for all seven qualification attempts: its recipient was too apathetic to care. It was his vision of a dichotomy that had made them what they were. They could be Zwangzug's eleven: Olson and Barnes and Instonenext and whoever-or they could be a team. Real equals, no person more powerful or more pressured than any other. They could never, he believed, be both.

Andrew had made his choice, and never looked back.

For better or worse, the two players had probably had the most influence on taking the team where it was, and there weren't many better reasons to induct them into the World Cup Hall of Fame.

---------------------------------------

Fluid time is a powerful thing.

Nevertheless, it remains difficult to change the past.

Belinda had noticed many documents in her search through room 256: the farther back into the room she went, the farther back in time they dated, and the more erratic they seemed. Some, perhaps, were the result of far too much ignorance; others maybe should have never been written to begin with.

She had been tempted to take some, to destroy them, or at least keep them out of sight. But doing so would set them apart, and increase their allure. The room was crowded, and there was no better place for them to hide.

It was easy enough to throw herself back into her work. The to-do list continued growing, with new tasks to replace the old. But if she ever needed to archive it, she'd know exactly where to go.

Ted had returned home to Bostopia and to acclaim. His knowledge of "how to get commies to surrender", rumor had it, was fairly highly sought.

So overall, it was fairly clear that you can't go back to when it all began, and create a new future.

But as long as you're where it all began, why not stay there?

Timothy watched the undergraduates file into the gym, a couple dozen total. Some were looking around furtively, unsure whether they belonged. Others paced, ready to begin, or kicked off snow at the door.

A whistle blew, calling them to attention. Soon enough it would connote the presence of a quirky jokester with unignorable ways to get their attention. But that first afternoon, the man who blew it was all serious.

"I assume you've found the fliers or been otherwise informed. If you somehow haven't managed to figure it out, this is football practice. I had to clarify this for a couple sophomores, but by "football" I mean the game you play with your feet." For a second he seemed to be staring at something just beyond the opposite wall. "...But if you want to use your hands, there's a place for you here too." He snapped back into strictness. "We'll be able to practice on the field when the snow melts. Go run around the gym a couple times." He tramped off to the sidelines.

When they didn't move, he blew the whistle again. "I mean it! Get running!"

Some faster, some grumbling, they eventually formed a ring of runners at different paces around the gym.

"Well?" Less confident, he faced Timothy. "How'd I do?"

Timothy laughed. "Trust me, you can't be any worse than what the national team's got." He wanted, momentarily, to add more, then realized that divulging Luke's true excellence might only have made him all the more bitter. "Welcome to the AIU, Coach Mandell."

Sloopy, for his part, crossed the Travdan border without knowing it. It was just another human distinction. Yet it was possible to sense when the Alai Mountains started to go downhill. It meant the hard part was over. Zwangzug wasn't much, but it was home, and home was hard to leave.

Sel Appa

27-02-2008, 01:33

Judge Allows Mass-Trial
A Sel Appan judge has allowed a mass-trial to be held for the 16,381 co-defendants in the case Ad'ihan c/o Sel Appa vs. Aalior et al. In the case, thousands of Sel Appans who attended the qualification match in Ad'ihan are charged with (charge A) and (charge B), both misdemeanors. The trial was pushed for by the Sel Appan government and the FFSA to help mend relations with Ad'ihan. The defendants participated in a riot that partially destroyed a historic Ad'ihan stadium.

Judge Anthony Lawrence Davis gave the go-ahead for the trial saying "all the charges and evidence would be identical" and it "would be an enormous waste of Court time and costs". Prosecutors wanted the mass-trial for similar reasons. Defense attorneys for the group did not oppose the motion, but requested the judge's clearance. The defendants will be held in rooms where they can view the trial via closed circuit television. Only the defense team will be present in the courtroom.

The case marks a historic precedent as the largest group of co-defendants ever in Sel Appa. It shatters the record of a trial against the 105 employees of a company that was being charged with various criminal activities. The precedent is set with the co-defendants not being present due to the large amount of them. The co-defendants pooled together several thousand pounds for one of the best legal firms in Sel Appa: Goldbaum, Goldmeier, and Goldstein. Calls for comment were not returned.

Elves Security Forces

27-02-2008, 03:45

UCS Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13484628#post13484628)

Valanora Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13484629#post13484629)

Jeruselem

27-02-2008, 08:08

Jeruselem Government News

Teacher says Skate will not cope in the Temple

With Katherine Alexandra Dallas now spending time as a servant in High Priestess Temple, an old school teacher says she will not survive.

Sister Bethany of the St Marys Catholic Girls School, where Dazza, Kate and Jacinta were educated, has made the same prediction as Kate's mother Dazza Dallas.

Sister Bethany is 80 years old and has taught at the school for all her life. A Catholic Nun from a young age, Sister Bethany should know who will survive a life of chastity.

The good sister said

"She will cope for few years but that Dallas bloodline gets easily bored. Kate will try to fit in but will fail her inner demons get restless. She will crave her old life but that is not what will cause the problem. Early, things will be exciting and new but she will find the increasing routine increasingly boring.

Add to that the control freak and attention whore in her from her mother's side, which will not be happy. By year 4, I don't she'll control her inner self anymore. Sadly, I think Dazza is right - she will try to kill herself.

Some women like are suited the life of a Nun but I don't think Kate is one of those girls. Kate is probably the biggest control freak of Dallas girls, that is why she made such a good Queen. You could not try to pull the wool over her eyes or push an agenda on her. I hope I'm wrong, but on her birthday before next World Cup she'll be dead.

You see, while Dazza is a talker and compromises - the same applies to Jacinta. Both at least, have quite a bit of tolerance. Kate was different, she looked like Dazza but she's different. She does nothing in halves and hence compromise is hard for her. The only people who could control Kate is her mother and sister. No priest or priestess can do it.

What's really going kill her is the severing of ties to her mother. Kate worships her mother. You notice Jacinta and Kate mostly refer to Dazza as Mum. Cut the line and basically, Kate will suffer. No one can replace Dazza in her life.

Sadly, I do not think Kate is not going be around for the next cup. I hope I'm wrong but I rarely am."

Casari

27-02-2008, 08:12

Travelling is a pain for any away fan. That and it's distressingly difficult to find a place to pitch a proper tent in the UCS, but that was an entirely different set of complaints, and something that isn't proper to focus on on such a positive day.

The fans were out in full colors, wearing their replica kits from as long as 40 years ago (the red/black WC29/30 kits remain a favorite to this day), waving their flags and participating in the mostly futile tradition of bouncing- the entire side, about twice a second, jumping into the air repeatedly, going until exhausted and in need of refreshment.

The cycle repeated as the start of the game neared, with the general excitement level rising. Delicious meat pies are happily consumed with much vigor (and little worry about shortages, with the malnourished Ariddians sharing the stadium this day), and before the fans knew it, the team was emerging from the tunnel, peeling off and waving to the fans. Wearing the fashion disaster that was their first choice kits, the Casarans looked a bit daft next to a team with reasonable, serious uniforms, but they tried their best to give the appearance of a serious soccer team. The team continued with the pre-match festivities- saluting during the Casaran anthem, standing respectfully with their hands behind their backs for the counterpart, and then quickly assuming their positions on the field for the kickoff, as a particular chant quickly gained strength from the Casaran fans.

Hey! *jump* Kick the ball!
Hey! *jump* Kick the ball!
Hey! *jump* Kick the ball!
Hey! *jump* Kick the ball!

The players, refusing to notice the fans, stood in their formation, Hill remaining out of the circle, awaiting the Ariddian kickoff, almost imperceptibly tapping her foot. Reoni streched. Barisa hopped from foot to foot, looking at the grass in front of him as the Ariddian war dance ran it's course, their team returned to it's formation. Hill looked back at her team, her yell almost inaudible over the chanting of the crowd.

"No stopping!"

The ball was kicked, the crowd cheered, and the rhythm of the match began.

---

There had been chances, more on the Ariddian side than the Casaran, to be sure, but the match wound to it's natural end in 90 minutes at 0-0. The front three had performed admirably amongst themselves, trying to make something happen, but with the 4 manning the half leading the defensive effort, the trio in the front lacked the support they needed to put one on the board.

The unnatural end of the game came and went with no improvement- Casari's penalty kick win against Yafor two had given them a bit of renewed spirit in the format, as their desire to attack wained, leaving them to . The substitutions were used in the back- Scorrin for Esterberg, Tapperossi for Rollins, Lewis for Antari.

---

"Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't think we expected to be here again so soon." HIll said, looking at the team.

Barisa sighed. "You know, saving these damn penaties is going to ruin my health. It'll be 35 and in the wooden box."

"Pine? Or willow?" Reoni asked.

"Oh, willow, of course."

Hill cleared her throat. "While your plans to be laid to rest in a cricket bat are interesting..." she said, glancing back over at the Ariddians, "... we could use some magic."

"You're talking to the right person." Barisa said, slapping Lornair in the back and starting the trot off to the goal.

Turning to the rest of the team, Hill continued. "Well, I think we should stick with what works... no? Danialson, Reoni, Scorrin, Hill, and Perrins?"

"Send it in, Captain." Lornair said, snickering.

"Careful- you're sixth if we need it."

---

Last time it was Barisa's decisive moment on the spot- This time it was Hill's. Barisa had already saved two of the four shots, as the fans hailed him as the rightful Duke of Goalboxshire, but Hill had to score to finish it out.

Balls, it's empty. She throught to herself, glancing around the area and up at the crowd, nervously awaiting the shot. Hill took some steps back, biting her lip.

Left or Right? Hill glanced back and forth from corner to corner. Back and forth, top and bottom, but most of all, left or right. Oh, screw it.

With a hop, Hill streaked in towards the ball, fitting in four steps and leaning to one side at what seemed like an extreme angle as her right foot struck the ball squarely.

Too square, in fact- as the keeper dived to the right, the ball rose dangerously, skimming off the inderside of the crossbar and bouncing on the far side of the goal line, rolling serenely to the back of the net.

The sprint back to her teammates involved a number of fistpumps, collapsing into another pile at midfield. Security managed to convince the fans that running to meet the team on the field would be a bad idea, but that only dimmed the celebration a little, until Scorrin had a bit of a chilling thought.

"Man, I have no idea how we're going to do better than this next cup."

Starblaydia

27-02-2008, 10:30

-
We Only Lost 7-1!
Starblaydia snapped back to reality in record defeat

Gallows humour is something you can find in many parts of the world, but last night it was centered around the Starblaydia national football team after they were destroyed by a record margin: seven goals to one against Valanora in the World Cup Quarter-Finals. Various callers to football phone-in shows on TV and radio, as well as posters on internet forums, came up with the following:

"Well that ruins our goal difference, doesn't it?"

"The second-to-last one was probably offside."

"At least there'll only be one record defeat on the wiki, rather than four joint-records."

"I was expecting 8-0, actually, so it's better than I'd hoped for!"

"Valanora were rubbish, they let in a goal against us, of all people!"

Starblaydia had never, ever lost a match at any level, or under any circumstances, by more than four goals (Squornshelous, Ariddia and others holding claim to that one). Not once in the ninety-six year history had any team scored more than six (that being Hypocria, in a Draggonnii Inviyatii 6-5 win). Worst ever losing margin and most goals conceded now belong to Valanora with a thumping 7-1 win that showed, to the rest of the world, that when the big boys come out to play properly, the rest of us just don't stand a chance.

Within ten minutes, however, of the match kicking off, the Starblaydi fans that had managed to get tickets (this was essentially a home match, after all, for Valanora) were cheering and celebrating like there was no tomorrow. Acevedo was trying to bring the ball forward from defence, when Kalia Canildo slid in to challenge him. The ball bobbled to Alfonso Di Angelo, who was on his toes ahead of the experienced Riot, and he played a wonderful first-touch back-heel to Antonio Mora, switching the play from left to right in a matter of moments. Mora raced away towards the goal-line and chipped in a lovely curling cross into the centre of the penalty area. Acevedo was out of position, Yoshida stayed on his line and Nickel lost sight of Fullbright for a fraction of a second, all culminating in a powerful downward header into the bottom corner of the net.

"You're supposed to be on top!"

"Two in the World? You're having a laugh!"

"We know the way to Valanora,
Gonna follow Antonio Mora!"

It was dreamland for Starblaydi fans but proved to only provoke a sleeping injured giant lion, to mix a metaphor or two. Straight from the kick-off, Valanora laid seige to the Starblaydi goal, with both Kips and Soldarian going close. Starblaydi fans knew there was going to be another eighty minutes of this, and they were immediately worried. What they did have, however, was the lead, but that didn't last for very long at all, as Kiso Night held off Leandro Perheira and fired from the edge of the penalty area, rifling his shot into the bottom-right hand corner for the equaliser.

The Valanora crowd were behind their team all the way, and a confidence suddenly spread throughout the stadium, along with everyone wearing navy blue and black. Starblaydia held out well, however, keeping the scores level for almost twenty-five minutes. Nikolaidis had to pull out a string of saves, helped in no small part by the combined defending efforts of practically the entire team bar Mora, who placed himself near Starblaydia's side of the centre circle, and Fullbright, who hugged the half-way line, waiting for any long ball. Two banks of four served Starblaydia well for those twenty-five minutes, until Night made his presence felt again as he out-jumped Roque Bravo to head in another goal and take the lead. Starblaydia had scored once, against, the odds, but could they go and do it again?

Well, yes and no is the answer.

A determined Valanora side, pushing to teach the Starblaydi team a lesson in top-ten football, pressed on again and found space down their left-hand side. Chang-hwa was left standing by Samantha Neesa and she sprinted towards goal. Starblaydia's other central defenders were also caught out and struggled to catch up with Night and Kips. Neesa whipped in a lightning cross and it would have been a certain goal for either of the strikers, if they had got a boot on it. Diving in to make a clearance, in between Night and Kips, was Edmundo Rivolli, who swung a right boot at the ball. He connected with it, but only just, and the ball diverted up and into the roof of the net. It was now 3-1, and Rivolli was seemingly inconsolable, simply laying on the ground, on his back, with his hands over his face.

If ever there was a time you wished the ground would open and swallow you up, it was then. Not quite as bad, however, as what Kwame Jabir did after the half-time break. Starblaydia had their defence a little more solid, though a two-goal cushion was blunting the Valanora attack enough on its own. Kips stole into the box, on the hour mark, and was challenged clumsily by Jabir. The defensive midfielder stepped across, putting his leg out, and Kips simply knocked the ball past him and went straight over his leg.

Last man.

In the penalty area.

Goal-scoring opportunity.

Penalty kick.

Red card.

Jabir was off, seen to weep as he untucked his shirt and left the field. Night, who else, picked up the ball and smashed it high and hard down the middle of the goal. Had Nikolaidis stood still, it would have taken his head off, but he half-dived to the side and waving a despairing hand at the ball as it flew into the net was all he could do. Four-One, one man down, game over.

After that it simply became a shooting gallery. Starblaydia, despite dogged defending, never really saw the ball again, except for the three further times they had to pick it out of the back of the net. Kips curled on in, substitute Fresco broke through the defensive line - somewhat controversially as he appeared to be a little offside - to score and Hawk slotted the seventh in direct from a free-kick with less than ten minutes to go.

Starblaydia were defeated, totally and completely, but their fans were still there to support, cheer and congratulate them, celebrating their achievements in getting so far. Not a single call for Betanii Marrones' head was heard, neither for Rivolli's or Jabir's. Starblaydia can be proud of getting so far in this World Cup and should not be too disheartened by the loss, or its magnitude.

"Seven-one!
We only lost sev'n-one!
And we're singin' this song
'Cos we only lost sev'n-one."

Final Score from Donna Cathedral:
Starblaydia 1 - 7 Valanora
(Fullbright 6) - (Night 12, 36 & 61 (P), Rivolli O.G. 41, Kips 64, Fresco 75, Hawk 81)

Alasdair I Frosticus

27-02-2008, 13:09

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIAL SQUAD TO BE LAST REMAINING LINK TO WORLD CUP 1
Heavy Use of Comfy Chairs For Whingeing Old Farts Predicted

By Anna Comneno

As another World Cup reached the semi-final stage without any involvement from either of the teams from the Dreamed Realm, Holy Empire Football Association officials today announced that - with the apparent failure of World Cup founders Ariddia to enter World Cup 40 - the Empire would be the only team in the forthcoming tournament to have also participated in the very first tournament, and possibly the only remaining team to have participated in the second, third, and fourth tournaments as well, though Imperial fact checkers have been too lazy to look up the earliest entries of Sqournshelous and Rejistania.

"This makes us the last remaining active link with the earliest years of this fine tournament" said a junior undersecretary of the Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell "and that long break between tournaments 8 and 24 (inclusive) notwithstanding, we expect to be treated with the appropriate reverence due to us in this forthcoming landmark edition of the World Cup."

Sources at ISPI refused to comment on rumours that HEFA had promised likely World Cup 40 co-hosts Starblaydia and Krytenia "anything your dreams desire" provided that the Holy Empire be allowed to win the fortieth edition of the tournament, except to dismiss the reports as "baseless and without foundation, though an idea not entirely without merit now that we think about it".

In other news, nations hosting the Holy Empire - whether in the qualifiers or in the tournament proper (assuming qualification) - will be expected to provide a large quantity of comfy chairs for the legions of whingeing old farts that increasingly form the Empire's core travelling fan base.

Elves Security Forces

27-02-2008, 17:45

A press conference held outside The White Fortress. Seen are manager Asanta Webber, Striker Kiso Night, and Keeper Akihiko Yoshida.

Asanta: Welcome everyone to this first press conference in over thrity years. I have to say I was a tad reluctant at calling the conference, considering the precedent set before me, but the the VSC insisted that is was the right thing to do.

Anyways, first thing I'd like to address is our supporters. All you millions, perhaps billions, of fans have supported us through thick and thin, and you're why we're here. If it was not for you fans singing your songs and cheering us on in the worst of times, I doubt that our players would of had the motivation to carry on. As it is, you are some of the best fans in the world, and I look forward to another singing of "Stregnth, Honor, and Glory" tommorow evening when we take on Milchama.

Secondly, there is the issue of Yan Kips. He had picked up a small knock against Squornshelous, but insisted he was fine and I allowed him to play against Starblaydia. That has turned out to be a mistake as Yan took another blow to the head late in the match and it has resulted in a mild concusion. The physio is demanding that he be kept off the pitch for a week, which means that he'll only be able to play again if we make it to the final. I have not made a decision as of yet as to whether Fresco or Razov will replace him in the starting eleven.

Those are the two main things I needed to announce, now I, Kiso, and Yoshida will be taking questions.

Reporter 1: Horagi Malkan from the Gladerial Today, my question is for Yoshida. For two tournaments you represented the Assegai national team, and enjoyed limited success. Now in the past two tournaments representing the Valanora government, the squad has made runs, and looks to be on the verge of their first final appearance. Now while the majority of the squad is still from the ESF, there are key members from Assegai. Can you explain how this squad is able to put aside the differences and work towards a common goal considering the history the two nations have?

Yoshida: Well in Assegai, we always respected the Elves, though we never feared them. We always knew that they had talented players who could produce wonderous efforts when called upon, and we relished the chance to take them on because of it. Now while we managed to take points off of them consistantly, we never could do the same to other top nations, hence our poor Proper record. So you see, it really wasn't all that hard to adjust to playing with them for a new national team, espicially when you consider alot of Assegain footballers make their trade here in the ESF.

Reporter 2: Kile Sali from the Elven Times, my question is for Asanta. Last tournament the squad had all the member states but Vyinta represented, this tournament all member states apart from Turruth Gordur are represented. Is it really that hard to pick a squad that adequetely represents all four nations, and is the VSC putting pressure on you to do so next tournament?

Webber: Well Sali, I don't know if you noticed, but there is alot of darn good footballers from the four nations that make up Valanora. It's hard to pick out the best eleven players, much less try to detirmine which others to exclude when trimming the roster to an adequete size. Now while the VSC hasn't said directly to make sure all four nations have at least one player on the squad, they have hinted that it would be most deriable if it could be achieved. I can tell you already that a certain Turruth Gordurian is already being watched for the possibility of being on the squad next tournament.

Reporter 3: Ron Santapa from the Valanora Express, my question is also for Asanta. While it is clear that the offence is in full stride, thirteen goals in the last two games is proof enough, the defence is a different situation. In both matches you've conceded some soft goals and have been exposed down the flank where Acevedo is. Now the lad is a good offesnvie threat, but does he not present a risk going into these last two matches? Also, with soo few players coming on the roster from the EPL, with the majority of those from your squad of Rinaldi, is there not some possible bias, even if it wasn't intentional?

Asanta: Ah Ron, I was wondering when you would get on my case again. Well first off, it is true that Riot, Yoshida, Night, and even Acevedo have played or play for me in the domesitc league, there is no bias. Me and Defoe went over a list of seventy-five players for two weeks to trim it to the roster it is now. It just so happens that those four players were among the ones we considered best for the position. As for Acevedo being a risk, well he is no more a risk than an unproven Hocn or Titenburg would be. While he has been somewhat exploited in the last two matches, he proved during the group stage that he is one of the premier defenders in the country.

Reporter 4: Parien Joasi from the Juavi Tribune, my question is for Kiso. You're now just two goals away from surpassing your mothers record for most goals in international competition. How do you feel about getting the record, it being your mother whom your passing, and would you consider going abroad with your skill considering soo many other top talents in the country are?

Kiso: Well, it is quite an honor to be soo close to achieving a record of any kind, but the invidual acollades only count soo much. I mean, what would it matter if I scored the most goals or had the most assists of all time if our squad failed to win a game? So while I am honored to be this close, and likely to break the record, I'd much rather take a victory tommorow evening. As for it being my mom who I will be passing, all I can say is that it is a tribute to hard work that our family puts in in becoming the best players we can be. Her, my dad, and Roki all helped me out alot and I wouldn't even be on this team if it wasn't for them. I talked to Laborious Hawk about possibly going abroad, and while I am not totally against it, I just think with as competitive as the Premiership is, there really is no need for me to do so right now. Perhaps a little later on in my career when I need a new challange I might look at the possibility of moving, but right now I'm content on playing here at home.

Asanta: That's all the questions for this historical event. I want to thank you all for coming and I hope you all enjoyed yourself. Now if you will excuse us, there is still some practice to be done, and some tweaking of the game plan before tommorow's decisive match.

Elves Security Forces

27-02-2008, 18:03

The High Priestess decides to write the former husband of her new servant, Katherine Alexandra Dallas, a letter following numerous concerns by family and aquaintances of Katherine's mental stability.

To: King Richard I
From: The High Priestess
RE: Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas

I am writing to you on behalf of your wife. While our "Great Leader" made his decree on the punishment of Katherine following her murder to the public, he has secretly allowed me to choose my own sentance for the woman. I am wishing to uphold his decree that she is to be a servant to me and the rest of the order of Elune, chaste, forbidden from luxury, and to have her titles stripped away, however I do believe that she should be allowed some tangable items from her past life. I believe that she should be allowed to visit with her family, once a year mind you, and that she should not be kept here in the ESF. That is where you come in, I am willing to allow Katherin to return to Jeruselem, but only so long as she is kept under guard by the order. This would require a temple to be built in your country, as well as a group of priests and priestess of my choosing to make the temple their home. Do not mistake this request as an effort to push our beliefs on you, see it as a way for Katherine to still have some contact with those who care for her. If you approve this request, the former Queen will still have to reside in the Temple, yet you and her immiediate family would be granted one weekend a year to visit her. Please let me know of your decision ASAP.

PS: She has taken to the study of Elunism quite enthusiastically, and seems to find the idea of the purity of Elune intruiging. It is my hope that she will learn the lessons that Elune has shown our race and will come to respect life as we do, and in turn, strive to be more like Elune herself. One can only hope the the teachings will do enough to keep that raging temper of hers, which has shown itself twice already in her stay here, in check.

Health N Happiness

Ariddia

27-02-2008, 18:21

Many nails bitten as Ariddia takes two hours to drop out

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Ariddia’s World Cup ascent is over.

A nil-all game can, in certain circumstances, be as intensely exciting as a veritable goalfest. And as intensely frustrating, too. There were sighs, shouts, and people jumping up from the edge of their seat throughout the Ariddian Isles and Casari as balls bounced bountifully off the bars of the two goalcages in Stádie Montánire.

Casaran fans in the stadium were looking very bouncy too, easily outnumbering the Ariddians present, and drowning out the sound of the small number of Rouge-et-Noirs fans’ uncoordinated attempt at a mass ulek from the spectator area.

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Ariddian and Casaran officials attended the match together in a display of sporting friendship.

A shot by Abdel Mohamed in the fourth minute hit the sidebar of Raymond Barisa’s goalcage, an indicator of things to come. Both goalkeepers were put to the test time and time again and performed admirably, sending alternate waves of tension, relief and frustration rushing through the supporters of each side. The end result was a particularly improbable goalless draw. It was the first time in all of World Cup 39, qualifying stages included, that the Rouge-et-Noirs had failed to score, and only the second time in twenty games they had failed to score at least two goals.

One could assume that fairly few Ariddians were not sitting or stading in front of a television set by the time the match went into an extra half hour – except in remote indigenous communities, where many had gathered around the village radio set.

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Yuto Takahara’s best efforts were not quite enough to give Ariddia the lead.

The next thirty minutes yielded little more than further incentive for viewers to gnaw their nails off, and the game finally led to penalty kicks. Some in Ariddia were hopeful. After all, the Rouge-et-Noirs had Knudsen, and if anyone could save a penalty kick, surely it was him. Viewers watched anxiously as Raymond Barisa took his position to face a first shot from one of Ariddia’s most famous strikers – Shahrour. Shahrour looked focused and calm, and kicked the ball neatly into the top left corner of the net. The tiny segment of Ariddian supporters in the stadium cheered.

Danialson put the ball past Knudsen to equalise, then Takahara shot… and Barisa saved! Shouts of joy exploded from the Casaran supporters. Ariddians gnawed past the remainder of their nails, and on to their fingers.

Reoni scored for Casari, then Lush for the Ariddian Isles. Scorrin scored Casari’s third, retaining the lead. Next up was Senecky. She inhaled quietly, shot… Barisa leapt the wrong way, but the ball skimmed over the top bar. A second red light for the Ariddians. Hill scored her country’s fourth, and it was all over.

The Rouge-et-Noirs said fairly little as they left the stadium, disappointed. They would be heading home shortly, after a brief sight-seeing tour of Bedistan for those who do not wish to leave the country as soon as possible.

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Second Secretary Turei Lauru has congratulated the team warmly on reaching the quarter-finals.

“We did our best,” team captain Jeremy Isaacs said. “In the end, there are several very good teams competing, and only one can win. Only four can make the semis. We won’t be there. Nor will a number of other good teams. I’d just like to thank all those who have supported us throughout this Cup.”

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The tree kangaroo has become the official animal of the Ariddian Federation. This has got nothing to do with football. We just think it’s a cute picture.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 0-0 Casari http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/casari.png (0–0 AET; 2–4 PKs)

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 39—roleplay thread - Page 3