NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/worldcup39/

This is the roleplay thread for the thirty-ninth installment of the NationStates World Cup, to be hosted in the Unified Capitalizt States and Valanora. You can list the members of your team in the roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=547990); match results will be provided in the scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=548596). Out-of-character questions or discussion may be placed in the World Cup discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285).

Friendlies may be arranged at any time by TGing either Valanora or Commerce Heights with the participating teams, which team (if any) will have home advantage, and which day the match should be scorinated.

Qualifying groups
Current rank in parentheses. Teams with no rank are equivalent to 176th-ranked teams.

Group 1
(16) Quakmybush
(88) Rugiero
(9) Milchama (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398831&postcount=29))
(32) Kura-Pelland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13416353&postcount=56))
Violitism (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13404462&postcount=41))
(69) Prux (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390833&postcount=5))
(156) Fujisawan Territories (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400085&postcount=34))
(43) St Samuel

Group 2
(17) The Holy Empire (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400624&postcount=37))
(63) Hopeless SC (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392395&postcount=21))
(28) Vephrall (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13410674&postcount=50))
(176) Kalmykstan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13434890&postcount=61))
(48) Taeshan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391375&postcount=11))
(135) Komekong
(13) Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13389966&postcount=2))
(93) Dancougar (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398825&postcount=30))

Group 3
(73) Magnus Valerius (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13434896&postcount=62))
(50) Scotchpinestan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392048&postcount=18))
(34) The Archregimancy (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400573&postcount=36))
Evil Polish Donors
(135) Blouman Empire (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13397618&postcount=26))
(53) The Pazhujeb Islands (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13412946&postcount=51))
(14) Jeruselem (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391544&postcount=13))
(10) Demot (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391693&postcount=16))

Group 4
(5) Squornshelous (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390954&postcount=8))
(49) Jeru FC (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392080&postcount=19))
(24) Novapsolu
Algal states (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13400382&postcount=35))
(15) Wentland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13416219&postcount=55))
(135) Naboombu Umbongo (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13403226&postcount=39))
(105) Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390143&postcount=3))
(60) Rejistania (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13421416&postcount=58))

Group 5
(26) Yafor 2 (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13415219&postcount=54))
(23) Jasīʼyūn (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406984&postcount=46) · nation info (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406976&postcount=44))
The Supermarket (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13410244&postcount=49))
(12) Cafundéu (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391448&postcount=12))
(156) Loutra oreas Elenis
(114) Acapais (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=9))
(46) Casari (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13399312&postcount=32))
(67) Solenial

Group 6
(38) Estresse Intenso (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391609&postcount=14))
(8) Zwangzug (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391323&postcount=10))
(36) Lovisa (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13405767&postcount=43))
Minilla Island West
(101) Samcoa
(22) Qazox (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390800&postcount=4))
(164) Wing Wang Woo
(57) Starblaydia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13396958&postcount=24))

Group 7
(21) Bazalonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13409702&postcount=47))
(125) Beer Served Here (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13417270&postcount=57))
(31) Ad’ihan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392033&postcount=17))
(156) Dinos Pizza
(3) Sel Appa (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13413991&postcount=53))
(41) Sorthern Northland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13404279&postcount=40))
Carcim
(54) Minilla Island

Group 8
(6) Ariddia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13396947&postcount=23))
(176) Cadarnia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13399889&postcount=33))
(64) Green wombat (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390860&postcount=6))
(30) Ulzaxid
(70) Krytenia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13397131&postcount=25))
(135) Bull_horns_rule
(20) Bostopia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13390864&postcount=7))
(40) Daehanjeiguk (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13409880&postcount=48))

Group 9
(78) Jariss (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398439&postcount=28))
(59) Nire and Nire (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13422258&postcount=59))
(42) Endmile
(18) Northern Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13405027&postcount=42))
(1) Az-cz (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13413345&postcount=52))
(27) Candelaria And Marquez (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392782&postcount=22))
Wavispa (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13399315&postcount=31))
(125) Gweridijongya

Group 10
McPsychoville (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391626&postcount=15))
(19) Oliverry
(151) Ashlaea
(37) Dance 2 Revolution
(7) Tynelia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13398408&postcount=27))
(51) The Islands of Qutar
(58) Kelssek (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13402328&postcount=38))
(101) Bonto

Auto-qualifiers
(2) Valanora (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13392087&postcount=20))
(4) Capitalizt SLANI (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406982&postcount=45) · nation info (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13406976&postcount=44))

Fixtures
The fixtures for the qualifying stage will be as follows (e.g., 1v8 means that the first team listed in each group plays at home against the eighth team listed):
Matchday 1: 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5
Matchday 2: 8v5, 6v4, 7v3, 1v2
Matchday 3: 2v8, 3v1, 4v7, 5v6
Matchday 4: 8v6, 7v5, 1v4, 2v3
Matchday 5: 3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 6v7
Matchday 6: 8v7, 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
Matchday 7: 4v8, 5v3, 6v2, 7v1
(matchdays 8–14 are the same as 1–7 with home and away reversed)
Matchday 8: 8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4
Matchday 9: 5v8, 4v6, 3v7, 2v1
Matchday 10: 8v2, 1v3, 7v4, 6v5
Matchday 11: 6v8, 5v7, 4v1, 3v2
Matchday 12: 8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 7v6
Matchday 13: 7v8, 6v1, 5v2, 4v3
Matchday 14: 8v4, 3v5, 2v6, 1v7

Schedule
All scorination and draws will take place at 03:00 UTC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UTC).
2008–01–30: qualifying group draw
2008–01–31: pre-qualifying friendlies
2008–02–01 through 2008–02–07: qualifying matchdays 1–7
2008–02–08: mid-qualifying friendlies
2008–02–09 through 2008–02–15: qualifying matchdays 8–14
2008–02–17: first round group draw
2008–02–19 through 2008–02–23: first round
2008–02–25: second round
2008–02–27: quarterfinals
2008–02–29: semifinals
2008–03–01: third place match
2008–03–02: final

[OOC - this post introduces my Holy Empire RP theme for WC 39: partially inspired by Cormac McCarthy and the Coen brothers, every single Holy Empire RP post will be a bastardised version of a W.B. Yeats poem. Those with long enough memories will remember that I've used Yeats at least twice before - once conflating three separate poems (all three of which will be separately recycled in different form this World Cup) - but I thought I'd first remind everyone of the official poem of World Cup 34....]

Those who participated in World Cup 34 may remember how His Imperial Majesty commissioned noted Imperial poet Guillermo B. Yeatses to write a work to specifically commemorate and introduce World Cup 34:

EASTER, WORLD CUP 34

I have watched them at close of day
Coming with vivid faces
From counter or desk among grey
Ordinary Reality houses.
I have heard with a nod of the head
Their polite meaningless words,
Or have lingered awhile and watched
Polite meaningless words,
And thought before I had done
Of a mocking tale or a gibe
To please a companion
Around the fire at the club,
Being certain that Ordinary Reality
Is a place where motley is worn:
All changed, changed utterly by football:
A terrible beauty is born.

That woman's days were spent
In ignorant support of Sel Appa,
Her nights in argument
Until her voice grew shrill.
What voice more sweet than hers
When, young and beautiful,
Her team reached qualification?
This man had kept a school
And supported Wentland's Swifts;
This other his helper and friend
Was coming into Krytenia's world;
He might have won fame in the end,
So sensitive his nature seemed,
So daring and sweet his thought.
This other man I had dreamed
A drunken, Dazza Dallas-lusting lout.
He had drooled and thought wrong
To women who are near my heart,
Yet I number him in the song;
He, too, has supported his team
Through the casual comedy;
He, too, has been changed in his turn,
Transformed utterly by football:
A terrible beauty is born.

Hearts with one purpose alone
Through summer and winter seem
Enchanted through ninety minutes
To support their football team.
The stadium down the road.
The coach, the players that range
From pitch to tumbling pitch,
Minute by minute they change;
A shadow of cloud on the team
Changes minute by minute;
A hoofed ball slides down the line,
And a winger crosses the ball;
The long-legged forward dives,
And the ref then signals the goal;
Minute by minute they live:
The ball's in the midst of all.

Too long a sacrifice
Can make a stone of the heart.
O when may it suffice?
That is the Empire's part, our part
To murmur name upon name,
As a mother names her child
When sleep at last has come
On limbs that had run wild.
What is it but nightfall?
No, no, not night but dreams;
Were they needless dreams after all?
For supporters may keep faith
Even if a loss is done and said.
We know their dream; enough
To know they dreamed of their team;
And what if excess of love
Bewildered them till they dreamed?
I write it out in a verse -
Ariddia and Az-cz
And Squornshelous and Zwangzug
Now and in time to be,
Wherever team kits are worn,
Are changed, changed utterly by football
A terrible beauty is born





Now, Guillermo Yeatses returns with a series of new masterpieces, starting with his epic...

QUALIFYING FOR THE WORLD CUP

This is no game for old men. The forwards
running on the pitch, defenders on the field
- Those dying generations - at their kick
The ball falls, the supporter crowded stands,
Man, woman, or child, commend all season long
Whomever takes the field, plays, and scores.
Watching our sensual game all neglect
players of unageing intellect.

An aged player is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every squad in its mortal dress,
Then might even Tzimisces be transformed into
A monument of his own magnificence;
And therefore I have crossed the realms and come
To the holy city of Alasdairopolis.

O referee standing in the centre circle
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Blow forth the holy whistle, perne in a gyre,
And be the seeing-master of the game.
Consume all fouls away; sick with desire
And fastened to a diving cheat
You know now what it is; and gather them
Into the artifice of eternity.

Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as an Imperial seamstress makes
Of woven red and gold Imperial kits
That keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
I sit upon a golden seat to sing
To lords and ladies of Alasdairopolis
Of qualifications past, or passing, or to come.

Mark climbed out of bed, after being woken up by noise in the kitchen. Opening the bedroom door on the first floor of the house, he crept onto the landing and then silently padded halfway down the stairs.

Light from the kitchen pushed it's way past the half-closed door, the hushed words of his parents pulled out by the force of the light toward the hallway, the vibrations bouncing off the walls toward Mark's shadowy hiding place.

“We've got to make the decision now hunny,” his mum said, “the deadline's coming up.”

“I know.” His father replied. “I have no problems with moving to Bostopia, but pulling Mark out of Casari?”

Mark heard his mother sigh.

“It'll be hardest for him, I agree. But we have little choice, the Army and Government made much too good an offer for me, I can't not return home!”

“They treat you well.”

“Too well?” She said, with hesitation in her voice.

There was a moment of silence – unbeknown to Mark, his dad looked at the floor momentarily, then lifted his head to look his wife in the eyes again.

“Arguably... but you're right. We have to go, it's best for us. Gets you out of firefights, gets us a much better standard of living, and gives Mark opportunities to... build his people skills?”

“Make new friends?”

They both sighed this time. Mark didn't want to go, but he knew his parents were thinking of him too. He ran down the stairs, turning left at the bottom of them and running into the kitchen to the shock of his parents.

“Mark? What are you still doing up? It's almost midnight!”

The few tears in his nine year old eyes told the story.

“Oh, darling!” His mum said, lowering herself so that she could wrap her arms round him. “You can still stay in touch with your friends here I promise.”

“It's a long way to go champ but Bostopia will look after you like they have your mum. And we'll look after you much better.”

Pamphlets dropped all over WC39 host nations
By Teodor Turek, Football Correspondent

With the beginning of World Cup 39 and the hopefully triumphant return of the McPsychoville Psychos to the world stage of football drawing ever closer, one group of supporters who don't subscribe to the brutal mentality surrounding international football have taken an interesting step to limit the damage done to the joint host nations of Kura-Pelland and Vephrall; leasing a pair of outdated helicopters from the Air Force, the McPsychoville National Football Supporters' Association printed many thousands of pamphlets and dropped them into the host nations. A spokesman for the group had this to say: "Don't get us wrong, we like violence against countries that aren't us, but sooner or later they're going to kill the wrong person and before we know it, there's a nuclear-tipped missile pointed at us telling us we're banned from international football." When asked why we'd be scared of a nuclear missile, the spokesman replied "The missile isn't the point, we just don't want people telling us we're banned".

The pamphlet is recreated below.

So You've Invited The Psychos To Play At Your National Sports Tournament/Spelling Bee/Memorial Day (delete as applicable)
A Beginner's Guide To Dealing With Psycho Fans

Imagine a pleasant little village, full of people going about their daily affairs with a smile on their lips and a song in their heart. This is the sort of village where the local policeman rides around on a bicycle, waving to all those he passes by and joining the local kids for a kick-about on the park/football pitch. It's the sort of place where everyone knows one another, and scarcely an ill word is ever spoken. It is truly idyllic.

But wait...what's that on the horizon? Is it a herd of stampeding wildebeast? Is it a convoy of ten-ton trucks? No. I'm afraid it's something much worse. It's the fans of the McPsychovillian national team. The villagers run for cover, barricading themselves into their houses and saying silent prayers for the shopkeepers who have to stay open. The policeman, completely baffled by the phenomenon, blows his whistle for a moment before he is trampled by the mob and his whistle forced into his throat. One unlucky shopkeeper, the owner of the local mini-market, locks his door and tries to hide...when the mob reaches the door and finds it locked, they simply go in through the window and start raiding the place.

Like a horde of barbarians, the mob smells blood somewhere, and as one, their attention turns to the village's pub. Madness in their eyes, they charge towards the giver of the precious nectar they call alcohol and, before the unfortunate barman can blink, he has over two hundred booze-starved maniacs demanding service. He can't hope to keep up and, soon, the mob takes it upon themselves to start serving one another. Much fine liquor is drunk neat from the bottle, and when the barman protests, he receives a bottle upside the head for his troubles. Finally, come the break of dawn, the grisly scene reveals itself. The formerly quiet and peaceful village is burning, bodies are strewn every which way, fires have been lit and the mob is still going strong. When they finally stampede away, the casualties have numbered in the triple digits.

This is what you have let yourself in for by hosting a national event and allowing the McPsychovillian team to compete. It is too late to go back on your invitation, the mob has already sensed a new target. Instead, we offer these guidelines so that the damage can be minimised.

1) Inform all providers of alcohol to hire extra security and extra security on top of that extra security. Measures that have been found to work in the past are shotguns filled with rock salt and rifles using rubber bullets, but they are required in great amounts for, if the mob perceives the security to be an enemy, they will attack with great vengeance.

2) Since alcohol, as well as all other mind-altering substances are banned in McPsychoville, the mob will be comprised of those seeking alcohol. Understand their behaviour is not a deliberate action, but is more a reaction to the prospect of it being readily available. Providing stockpiles of alcohol that can be bought from a secure location in an open space - a town square, perhaps - will greatly reduce the damage if the mob knows that it is on offer.

3) Do not allow the mob to know if the team has been defeated. If this occurs, they will turn their rage against the city as a whole.

Please take action now to prevent further casualties. This message has been brought to you by the McPsychoville National Football Supporters' Association.

After the disaster that was supposed to be Green wombat's glorious return to the world of competitive international football, a pitiful 2-4-8 record showed that the wombats weren't quite ready to compete.

Now its four years later and after a decent 10th place showing (3-2-4)
at the 5th Oxen Cup in Qazox, the team now feels they have improved enough to at least sneak in to the World Cup.

Only time and the group draw will tell if this former top 30 team can regain its status as one of the better teams in the world.

"LIVE from Quahog, Prux, IT'S TUESDAY NIGHT COOKED!!!!"

<TUESDAY NIGHT COOKED theme music and video plays>

"Along with my co-host, Coach Jonathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ and we welcome you to this special edition of Cooked!" - RJ

"Whatever, Man. We have breaking news and it will affect the entire PWF as we know it. And here comes our esteemed chairman.. MR. Nicnann!"- Coach

<plays Mr. Nicnann's theme music and video... as the crowd boos lustily>

"That's no way for these idiotic fans to welcome our chairman!"- Coach.

"After last night's controversial ending in the PWF title match at the Supreme Rumble bewteen Andy Norton and Hef Jardy, they have the right to boo!"- RJ

<Mr. Nicnann finally enters the ring and take the mic from the announcer>

"I'm not here to talk about last night. I'm here to talk about the future.. the future of the PWF and the future is now!!"- Nicnann

<The Pruxian National Anthem plays and out comes 18 wrestlers, all wearing matching red uniforms>

"Oh my dog! What the heck is this?"- RJ

"It seems that most of the roster of Cooked and BattenDown are here, Why is that?"- Coach

<shows all 18 wrestlers, glaring at one another and at the chairman, entering the ring>

"Now is the time for the answers to the mysterious messages that have popped up over the last couple months. I'm pleased to announce that the PWF is taking over the WORLD CUP!!!!" - Nicnann

<cut to stunned crowd shots, and stunned announce crew>

"That's right. The PWF is going to take over the World Cup. These 18 men are the best in the business of sports entertainment and now they will be the best in the business in soccer! I fear for our opposition and they will bow down before the PWF like you stupid fans do for me!!!"- Nicnann (laughing villianously). "Until this world cup is over, the PWF is suspending operations and there will be no Pay-per-views or TV Shows. So basically, until the end of the World Cup... YOU'RE SUSPENDED!!!!!"

Dear Mom and Dad,

Steven's birth parents had divorced when he was a year old. The last of their many children, he never felt like he had caused the split, but after so many years and diapers...It didn't matter. Isaac Ruck was the only man he knew as a father, and he couldn't imagine loving any two people more.

The big news from camp is that I'm captain. I'm the only one surprised, I figured maybe Peter or Mal but hey...

For Jacob Barons, choosing a successor had been a matter of the process of elimination. Phillip was too violent, incomprehensible, and likely not to be in the starting eleven. Simon Ryne in his arrogance was almost as easy to rule out. Andrew was...Andrew, and he didn't feel comfortable picking anyone that had joined after the original team. Not when a decent guy like Steven was around, anyhow.

Jacob still was surprised that he could feel that way, but whatever.

The team looks good, but I guess it has for a while. Someone like Bartholomew's tough to replace, but Natalie isn't so bad. I thought we might have a great new defender coming in but things didn't work out. Bennett's the best of the new class, but he's not ready to start yet...

Give my best to Annika, I'm sending her my own letter, but just tell her I said hi.

Steven thought of himself as "the fun uncle", but somehow never quite could imagine himself as a father of his own. Annika was something more than the next in a string of unsuccessful girlfriends, but not, he cynically believed, by much.

Love,
Steven

P. S. You want tickets for the BoF final?

(OOC: please forget the entire WC38 RPing thing... pretend it was a dream or some bad sushi or whatever.. IT DID NOT HAPPEN!!!)

IC: After 16 years of flameouts in the first round, the QSC (Qazox Sports Council) has declared the team mottoes for World Cup 39 to be:

16 YEARS OLD and HUNGRY

After the mysterious disappearance of the World Cup 38 squad on the way home from Vephrall, the entire roster and coaching staff had to be replaced.

Thankfully, the QFC decided to spend the majority of the money won at the 4th World Cup of Hockey and the money recieved from hosting the 4th and 5th World Baseball Classics on football and this young team has enough talent to compete for a good 16 years at the top level. (It doesn't hurt that they all are 16 years old, either.)

The group draw is still a couple of weeks away, but with luck and the talent this team has, a 5th straight Cup appearance should not be a problem. Coach Ryan Greenley has claimed that anything short of a 2nd round appearance will be a failure in his eyes.

"Hey, Sareg, come look at this!"

Rints Tyssits held in his hand a small pamphlet. As his best friend, Sareg Clituleng, approached, the latter saw printed on the front

So You've Invited The Psychos To Play At Your National Sports Tournament/Spelling Bee/Memorial Day (delete as applicable)

A Beginner's Guide To Dealing With Psycho Fans

"We invited Squornshelous to a tournament?" Sareg inquired.

"No no no, Psychos, not Pschychoes. Some nation called McPsychoville, apparently."

"And what exactly have we invited them to?"

"Hell if I know."

"Maybe these are supposed to be for the World Cup, and they meant to drop them in the UCS."

"That's a pretty long way away, Sareg."

"Well, how would they know? Didn't the regional map database in Vilita go down a few days ago?"

"The what?"

"I don't know what it means exactly, but I think it's got something to do with those newfangled modem thingies they're putting in computers now."

"Oh. Well, what should we do with these things, then?"

"Let's make a bonfire! I don't see any other use for them..."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais National Football Team press conference

Jessica: "Hello and welcome to today's press conference for the Acapais National Football Team. We are pleased all of you could make it this afternoon for this is the first press conference of the year for the national team. In a moment, Miss Stephanie Horne, Manager of the Acapais National Football Team, will present herself and give you information about this year's team campaigning to qualify for the next World Cup. It is requested however that you save your questions until the end of the announcements. Well, my watch says one o' clock so, without further ado, I would like to introduce to you the manager in Acapais National Football Team, Stephanie Horne!"

Light Applause

Horne: "Hello everyone. Thank you everyone for coming. My name is Stephanie and I will talk to you about the team that will be competing in this World Cup’s qualification and that are hopefully able to acquire enough points to travel to Unified Capitalizt States and Valanora next summer. We are very excited for this is Acapais's fifth ever World Cup campaign. World Cup XXXIX will be our next opportunity to bring home an international trophy. By competing in the World Cup, it will bring more spirit to the already proud citizens of Acapais. Having been eliminated from the previous World Cup was a bit of a let down however I am certain that we have a chance to finish high this time around.

"Now, because this is only our fifth World Cup Qualifying appearance, other countries expectations for Acapais are somewhat low. However, my expectations for the team are higher than one might expect. Acapais is a young and inexperienced team with much to learn, but I can say that this is a team with a lot of potential. As nation ranked 114, qualifying for the World Cup will be a difficult task. That does not mean, however, it is out of our reach. Qualifying group format is undecided as of now however there will be nations in this competition who rank 113 places above us. None of this means however that we cannot upset these higher ranked nations and take a spot.

"In this tournament we will play a defensive game to try to outlast these nations. With our youth we should be able to beat them as far as conditioning. Offensively we have pace with, Fronberry, Castro and Paroe. Our large goalkeeper is quick has a good coach. All players on the roster are familiar with each other because they all play in the Acapais Football League’s Gold Division. Some players even have club teammates the roster.

"Having said all of this, our goal, like the rest of the world, is simple; win the World Cup. Some of you might call me an optimist, but the members of the Acapan Football Association will do our best to bring home glory.

"Are there any questions?"

Points

Reporter 1: "What will be the best way to qualify for the World Cup successfully?"

Horne: "If we play a solid game and capitalize on our opponents mistakes there should be no reason why we can't win games. We have to study lots of tape, know their preferred feet, know their tendencies, but I am confident my players can handle it. Consistency is also important. Winning games here and there is OK but to perform well on a consistent basis is a difficult task I think we can adhere to. Yes?"

Points

Reporter 2: "Stephanie, How will you optimize the speed and skill of Paroe and Osman?"

Horne: "We are going to put them wide and as attacking midfielders. Players with their pace and crossing abilities are optimized by sending them to the wings. These two players are raw talent. I am very excited to see what they can do for us this year."

Points

Reporter 3: "Will you expand on what you said about 'outlasting' you opponents?"

Horne: "Certainly. Since our team is very young we will have the ability to run at a faster pace for a longer period of time. I have faith that when we play possession football and good defense, we should be able to make our opponents fatigued. A tired opponent means more goal scoring opportunities for us."

Points

Reporter 4: "Because Acapais are ranked so low, what advantages and disadvantages do we have?"

Horne: "The disadvantages are that some of our players have only attempted to qualify for one World Cup or fewer and are therefore a bit inexperienced, and that we will more than likely get drawn into a very difficult group. However, there are many new nations entering the World Cup competition for the first time this year and therefore we should be able to take three points against these opponents."

Points

Reporter 5: "Why is Fronberry your captain of choice"

Horne: "He has the most club experience for his team Highland Park FC than anyone else on the roster, and he is a natural leader. James knows how to get the best out of his players whether they are winning or losing."

Points

Reporter 6: "There is a lot of controversy surrounding the roster you chose. Tell us please why you went with such a young roster when there are clearly older and more experienced players that play in the AFL."

Horne: "Ah, I was wondering when someone was going to ask me that. The reason is because I want to build a young team for future World Cup competitions. If I put too many players that are over 30 years old on the roster, then they would only help us for World Cup Qualifying XXXIX and retire by the next one four years later. By selecting young players I can ensure that the team will gain experience not only individually but grow together as a team. The Acapais Football Association is behind me one hundred percent on this issue."

Horne: "This concludes the press conference. Thank you all for coming."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference

Flak Sho and his new girlfriend were outside the family home. He was quite nervious introducing his girlfriend to his parents while the girlfriend didn't seem a bit bothered.

Flak's parents noticed a red Ferrari in their driveway, which wasn't theirs. They figured it belonged to his new girl and anyone with Ferrari was not a poor a person. Being Jewish, this was a plus as they didn't want their son to be with someone who didn't know how make money.

The Jewish Ariddian family had moved from Ariddia to Jeruselem. They were Jews and had a hard time settling into the capitalist haven compared to the Commie Ariddia.

The parents were keen to see who this girl was ...

(Conversation in Hebrew)

Dad: Flak, I see you finally brought that girl of yours.
Mum: She doesn't look Jewish to me.
Flak: No, she isn't Jewish at all. More French.

Dad: She looks like that Dazza Dallas woman.
Flak: Err, yes ... she's one of her daughters. This is Jacinta Dallas.
Mum: Oh, she's a Dallas then ...

Flak: Yes, she is.
Dad: Oh, I wasn't expecting this ... please come in Jacinta. We weren't expecting someone like you.
Mum: Well, she's quite pretty and rich.

Jacinta: Nice to meet you Mr and Mr Sho!

<Later>

Mum: Jacinta, we have a few questions to ask. It's important we question our boys girlfriends.
Jacinta: That's alright, I like talking! Well, I like talking a lot.

Dad: Can you speak Hebrew?
Jacinta: Of course I can. My mother, my sister and I can speak fluent Hebrew. I can write in Hebrew too.
Mum: She's well educated there.

Dad: What's your attitude to having children?
Jacinta: The more the better, that's the Dallas creed.
Mum: Very Jewish one too.

Dad: So, what do you do for a living?
Jacinta: I'm the Jeruselem Football Association President's personal secretary and event organiser aka party girl.
Mum: She looks a secretary too.

Dad: Your Mum is Dazza Dallas I see, so how much are you like your mother?
Jacinta: Well, less crazy but not much different.
Mum: That's a worry ...

Dad: Now, what were your school grades like?
Jacinta: In the top 100 of my graduation year. I think my mother and sister were the same too.
Mum: I have heard about the weird intelligence levels in these Dallas girls.

Dad: You're a Catholic right?
Jacinta: Officially, but we aren't exactly model Catholic women. I think you know what I mean.
Mum: Well, not surprised ...

<Later>

Flak: Well? Can I keep her?
Dad: She's certainly a character. And she's not a bad person either. Pretty, rich, smart and confident but also slutty and a bit too fond of nudity. Not a morally correct girl for a good Jewish boy but she'd make a good mother nevertheless.
Mum: Morally despicable but I can't really hate her. She's quite a family person like we are and I do like the way her family sticks together.

Flak: So? What's the verdict.
Dad: Well, she's alright. You could have picked a worse one.
Mum: OK for a girlfriend but I'd really wish you'd picked a different kind of girl. She's not my kind of girl to make a wife.

Flak: Keep dating then?
Dad: Fine by me, still I'd prefer a Jewish girl.
Mum: I don't really like her but she is a member of the powerful Dallas clan here. Those sort of connections could help our business here, so keep her. Her sister is the Queen of Jeruselem too and her mother is the current Ariddian Ambassador.

Flak: Err, thanks. I'd thought you'd say no.
Dad: Honestly, what about that Kara Kool girl? She's Jewish, French-Jewish
Mum: Yes, Kara Kool what about her?

Flak: Hey, Jacinta is only 2 years older than me. Kara has a boyfriend already.
Dad: Pity
Mum: Jacinta isn't the worse choice but she isn't our preference. At least we won't have ugly children.

MNFSA mocked, derided as "gormless twats"
By Teodor Turek, Football Correspondent

Hot on the heels of yesterday's pamphlet dropping, the McPsychoville National Football Supporters' Association have come under heavy fire from a vast amount of sources for getting their facts horribly wrong before they initiated their blitz attack on Vaphrell and Kura-Pelland; the MNFSA were under the mistaken impression that they would be hosting World Cup 39, when in fact they were the hosts of World Cup 38. A spokesman said "Look, we had a couple of interns working there and one of them ballsed it up. Now go away," before locking the door to the MNFSA's head office. Some may ask why we didn't correct them, and the answer would be "Because it was funny".

Alfredo Neves of Cafundeu was sitting in an empty boardroom by himself. He was waiting to sign the papers to make him the official coach of Jeru FC World Cup 39 team. He had been working with the team but hadn't been officially named as coach yet.

A pretty 20 year old girl with a bundle a paper turned up. It was the Jeruselem FA President's secretary Jacinta Dallas who was quite a looker.

Jacinta: Hello, you must be the new Jeru FC coach! Just sign these. The boss can't be here today. He's got some family issues. I'll witness the document for you.
Alfredo: OK, so these documents here?
Jacinta: Yeah, these ones. Sign where the tags are.
Alfredo: Yeah, no problem

<He signs the documents and Jacinta witnesses them>

Jacinta: There you go, you're the Jeru FC coach. Err, sorry it took so long. Our recruitment staff have very lazy of late.
Alfredo: I noticed the Jeruselem FA bumped up the pay a bit.
Jacinta: You're complaining?
Alfredo: Not at all, I'm from Cafundeu.

Jacinta: Oh, we don't seem to keep coaches for Jeru FC for long so this is one way to motivate you.
Alfredo: Works for me anyway. I have to go, training starts soon.
Jacinta: I've give you copies of your agreements first.
Alfredo: Thanks

OOC - It's dull but it's to announce a coach

For possible help during your RP's.. please check out the following link: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=546283

It has National Adjectives, most of which are from countries competing in the World Cup.. also for those that are competing in the Cup, if you're not a part of it, whatcha waiting for???

Your welcome :)

Andrew Coulter, still suffering from a bad case of motheritis, walked up to the podium of a press conference, most that were there assumed that it was to announce the latest in the kits for the Bazalonian side, from JMC, after the Hypnokit scandal it seems that the Bazalonian's are playing it safe.

"I would like to announce the the Bazalopes have ditched BazAir as a major sponsor for the team after a disagreement between the boards of the BFSA and BazAir. I can't go into details but this means that we will be looking for new sponsors. This is an open international contest, and by contest we mean after meeting basic eligibility criteria. We'll pit teams from each prospective major sponsor against each other, the winner will then play the Bazalopes and afterwards, there will be an official signing of the sponsor. At current we are sick of sponsors who don't know about our requirements hopefully this competition will ensure that our future sponsor understands our requirements and will be better accomodating to our needs. If you would like to be apart of Bazalonian sporting history please get in contact with me and we'll start the process immediately."

President Anthony Johnson: (sitting at his desk) Well, gentlemen. I've called the three of you here because it's nearly time for the start of World Cup 39, and we need to be clear about what our goals are.

Soccer Academy Administrator Brian Peterson: Understood, Mr. President. We've been working on that as we've been trying to finalize the last two spots on the roster.

Vice President William White: Our unexpected run of success in Cup of Harmony 30 puts us in a very interesting position as far as goals go.

Head Coach Thomas Larson: Yeah, it does. I'll admit, I didn't even see it coming based on how we played in World Cup 38. We should have been swept right out of the competition. As it was, we shared 3rd place for losing in the semifinals.

President Johnson: For one thing, you still haven't beaten a team ranked ahead of you in World Cup competition, and ultimately your team will be remembered for how it does in World Cup action.

Administrator Peterson: True, Mr. President, but we did manage to draw on the road against Daehanjeiguk, which kept them from qualifying for the World Cup.

Head Coach Larson: Not to mention, none of the teams we beat in the Cup of Harmony were ranked in the top 50 during the tournament.

Vice President White: Did you find someone that could take on a leadership role?

Head Coach Larson: I hesitate to name one player captain, just like my coach was reluctant before he finally conceded that I was obviously the best player and the natural leader of the team, so I was finally named captain. However, there is someone that I could name as captain that'd be around for a couple more World Cups, if he can stay healthy.

President Johnson: Who's that?

Administrator Peterson: (to Head Coach Larson) Wally?

Head Coach Larson: (nods) Yep, Wally Milton. Inner midfielder and best player on the team. He has the potential to be something special. It's too bad we didn't catch him when he was younger. He's even playing abroad for KT Hotspur FC of the CMSC (Candelaria And Marquez domestic league).

Vice President White: Then why the hesitation on naming him captain? He's the best player we've got. He's got the international experience. He's a perfect fit!

Head Coach Larson: I haven't seen in him yet the killer instinct to just completely take over a match that the best players in the world have. I've been told countless times that I had it, and I can see it in the tapes of my matches. I haven't seen that in Milton yet. Besides, the world knows now that he's our best player, and will focus on shutting him down. I want to see how he reacts to that.

President Johnson: Sound logic. I can't argue that.

Head Coach Larson: Thank you, Mr. President.

President Johnson: Please, you two have earned the right to call me Tony in private.

(both Head Coach Larson and Administrator Peterson nod in understanding)

Vice President White: And you can call me Bill. What other goals do you have in mind?

Administrator Peterson: What were you telling me just the other day about our defense, Thomas?

Head Coach Larson: Oh yes, good point, Brian. Our defense in World Cup 38 was porous. Regardless of our schedule, Magnet Hands should have been able to come up with more than one clean sheet. We want to have more clean sheets this time around, and I'm not talking about two either. I'm talking about trying to get a clean sheet against everybody ranked below us in our group, maybe even a pair against the newcomers.

Vice President White: That'll be a tough task, because they tend to play more offensive to go for upsets.

Administrator Peterson: That's why I like our approach. What most teams don't realize is that defense is what wins championships. There's bound to be a defense out there that's better than your offense that will shut you down, and then you need to keep them from scoring to stay in the match.

Head Coach Larson: Admittedly though, eight goals in 14 matches was a pathetic effort for our offense. We had success in the Baptism of Fire and Cup of Harmony because we had the offense to compliment our defense. You're not going to win many matches in the World Cup 1-0, and in 12 of our 14 matches in World Cup 38 we scored one goal or were shutout.

Administrator Peterson: Not to mention six of our eight goals came in the second half of qualifying.

President Johnson: Where do you hope to finish in your group?

Head Coach Larson: Well, Tony. It'll be hard to say until we see exactly who we'll be facing, but in general it'll probably be mid-table, maybe making some noise towards qualifying. Or at least be mathematically-elligible to qualify going into the last couple of matches.

President Johnson: Thank you, Brian...Thomas. May you bring our boys success in World Cup 39.




(OOC)Recap for those of you too lazy to read...

Hopeless SC Wanderers goals for WC 39:
1. upset a team ranked higher than we are
2. find a potential captain for future WCs
3. shutout all the teams ranked below us (at least) once
4. finish mid-table in our group, making some noise towards qualifying

What the Papers Say

“Whatever you say, Mr Donnelly, sir,” reads the header in the Albrecht Herald following the announcement of C&M’s squad for the forthcoming World Cup 39 Qualification campaign. Key sportswriters Tracker Edwards and Simeon Barness present a less than glowing assessment of the new manager’s debut twenty-three, and it’s a disposition echoing throughout the Candelariasian press. Grumbling about the make-up of the various national sporting outfits’ teams has become the national pastime de jour, but this round of whinges seems particularly unbecoming.

“One would feel that [Lloyd] Donnelly and [Adam] Williamson have earned the right to pick who they damn well choose and expect us to like it,” an uncharacteristically saner voice in the National Reporter complains. Certainly from the nationals to the locals; the C&M press are united in wondering where their players are among the chosen few. The striking options come in for particular criticism after Holger Pi’s return to the fold, with some serious beard stroking going on over the apparent lack of obvious differences between Pi, Ignacio Vélez and Joe Cunningham.

“They’re all small, they’re all great shots, and no-one can deny the place of Vélez and Cunningham in the squad given their international histories. But Pi? Donnelly is supposed to be a big fan of variation, and multifaceted players, so why does he feel the need to include a flavour of the month player who just happened to get more goals in the league last year than any of his other fellow Candelariasians? He got fourteen. So what? Luke Naylor got thirteen and you don’t see any clamour for his inclusion. No-one can argue our new manager’s record, but honestly – can we really justify paying him all this money to choose a squad any one of us could pick?”

That being the well thought-out argument of the Albrecht Mercury’s Dogan Daniels. In fact, there were calls for Naylor’s involvement, from the Lavange Evening Telegraph and rival Lavange Daily Free Press, who wonder with tchs and shaking heads at the Albrecht-born Donnelly’s contempt towards the talent of south-east Candelaria. “Oh sure, he includes our very own Özkan Yalçin, and the Shining Sons’ Connor Mengucci. But it hasn’t escaped this paper’s attention that both these young inclusions were born and raised in the squalid metropolis to the north,” laments the Telegraph. The Free Press adds, “He’s happy enough to include any number of Marquezians and north-easterners, but once again we see another example of the unwillingness of our cultural elite to look south of the Albrecht Cove.”

Not that they’re the only ones. The Zapata Post-Star wonders why Stuart Vidakovic has found himself excluded, El Periodico del Arrigo pleads the case for Kirby Brightmore, the National Reporter threatens to write a stern letter to the Member of the House of Representatives for Bove East & Region, Cassandra Nash, over Jamie Johansson’s shocking exclusion, the Clotaire Trumpet politely asks Donnelly to reconsider Dan Davis’ omission, the Morning Chronicle of Abiodun believes that Rusty Katic could still do a job and Diario Castillo rather forlornly argues that Rex Sandstrom, now off on his travels with Deportivo del Arapucera of the Corganen Championship, was deserving of a long-awaited recall.

Talking of which, most of the papers are quick to comment on the involvement of the other striker in the group, Parwood City’s Ramiro Novo. Alongside Vélez and supported by José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, Novo is expected to complete an all-Hispanic attack received with raptures by the papers of Arrigo, Castillo, El din, Nader, La Basílica de la Costa et al, and sniffily by everyone else. “Alright, so he scored twenty goals last year,” the Daily News says of the ‘recycled one-footed midfielder’, “But that was in Kura-Pelland, for heaven’s sake. With all due respect to them, lovely people, important trade links, proper right-thinking politicians, they’ve never had it so good I can tell you, but Gregorio Morales can prosper over there… We, meanwhile, have internationals from heaven knows how many countries on our clubs’ books. Why, only yesterday did Bettia name new Albrecht Turkish star Samuel Taha to lead their youthful attack.” (You can also now add CMSC-based strikers from Zwangzug, Scotchpinestan, Jeruselem and Squornshelous to that number. Not to mention key squad members from Ad’ihan, Eesseff and Hopeless.)

The recent burst of nationwide parochialism has been much commented on over the last few weeks, with many blaming the back-to-back victories of the under-21 team in the Di Bradini Cup and the utterly unexpected World Championship in Hockey title. The mood across much of the press reflects that of the general public, who appear increasingly convinced that they should expect C&M to qualify for the World Cup in ES… Va… Uni… Com… Man… SL… in the Places where the World Cup is being held, more than comfortably; even if they remain a good few years of youth development away from mounting a realistic title challenge. Such confidence would be unheard of even months ago, and may add weight to the arguments of the doommongers from both political wings to the effect that C&M’s continued presence in international sport is in danger of corrupting the very soul of the nation.

The effects of Hurricane Neil have also come into play, with the Unionist government coming in for criticism over a lack of joined-up policy in the wake of the storms, leaving numerous cities and communities to essentially fend for themselves. Many commentators have taken to blaming central government, enhancing the ever-present stream of bile directed towards the capital despite Albrecht coming off as bad as anywhere. That the opposition Modern Liberal Party are blamed just as heartily for their failure to introduce more advanced early warning systems and emergency preparedness structures leaves the Social Democratic & Green Party of Ariadne Jefferson sweeping towards the stunning position of favourites for the May elections.

The physical effects of Neil will also be felt in football with the Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association expected to confirm that Donnelly’s reign will begin with a friendly at the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht, with a two-minute silence beforehand in memory of the one-hundred and sixty-nine confirmed casualties. It’s a move that will likely bring the CAMAFA into conflict with the capital’s city council, who claim that the MSS cannot be declared structurally safe following hurried post-Neil rebuilding work for several more weeks.

One feels CAMAFA can ill-afford more controversy; after extensive criticism over their decision to support, financially and otherwise, the efforts of six teenaged women footballers from the Candelarias to learn from some of the world’s best female-centric coaching in Jeruselem, with the long-term hope of seeing them gain first-team roles for J-League clubs. Columnist Lauren Derouin in the Herald accuses the CAMAFA of “following a pipe dream in the well-meant but foolish hope that Candelariasian sportswomen could ever be considered capable of reaching the same standards as their male counterparts”, while the Daily News condemns the decision as “one would hope an endeavour brought about by ignorance rather that malevolence. The fetid cult of Dallas has enough influence on our young women as it is, without forcing them over to Jeruselem, fine country though it is, right behind them all the way, well within their rights whatever Anderson and his pinko apologists for etcetera and so forth…

From the Rushmore Sport Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

Various pamphlets from 'McPsychoville' spread across Trilan and to a lesser extent some other cities last night, apparently relating to their impending World cup entry.

They were sent in error, believing Kura-Pelland were hosting the impending World Cup 39, not Valanora and the UCS.

The KPFA will send the pamphlets to nations drawn in McPsychoville's qualifying group. 'We know that those nations will have to prepare for this team, and that the hosts probably won't as first-time qualification is extremely rare. Besides, the hosts are well aware of this situation, with their extremely advanced media technology, whereas some other nations may still lack awareness.'

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Fellow nations: we rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord our God has seen fit to bring unto us a new World Cup, and invite you to pray with us for a successful tournament. If your nation is not inclined to prayer, or is filled with heathens and heretics (which, alas includes most other nations with the exception of our most Orthodox Valerian brothers and sisters), we hope that you will still join us in wishing all the best for each and every participating nation.

It is no secret that of late the Lord our God has punished the Archregimancy's national football team by seeing them slip from a comfortable top 10 ranked team to a team that is now outside the top 32 and has failed to qualify for two consecutive World Cups. We accept God's judgement on our team of sinners with all due humility, and accept that some of the halftime discussions for recent squads may have revealed a tendency towards non-Chalcedonian Trinitarian theology among certain team members. Lo, we are truly unworthy.

However, with all humility we are concerned that recently the Archregimancy has become a source of humour, a laughing stock amongst other nations, not least for the team we fielded in the last tournament. Fr. Pavel Who Ate All the Pies is the source of some shame here at Monastic Football Association HQ; just what were our predecessors thinking?

It is for that reason that we announce our intention of treating the forthcoming tournament entirely seriously. It is not for us to comprehend God's unknowable plan for the Archregimancy's football team before the tournament, but by treating each match as a living icon of prayer, we hope to show our devotion both to football and the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

High hopes for Scotchpinestan
Keith Martin, Douglas Journal

It is rare that a team going through its first World Cup qualification gets even close to the top three of its group.

But, halfway through qualifying for World Cup 38, Scotchpinestan was right there in third place. All they had to do was repeat their performance from the first half and they would have punched their ticket to Kura-Pelland and Vephrall. But some heartbreaking losses down the stretch dashed that dream.

The team rebounded, though, in a big way, by getting all the way to the championship match of the Cup of Harmony, losing to Lovisa. Then came a seventh-place finish in the Oxen Cup. Now, a more experienced, more polished Scotchpine team believes it has a real chance of qualifying for WC39.

"Our guys have more experience playing against high-level competition, and we've had some success in past competitions, and that can only help us," said head coach Douglas Miles. "The guys are really excited, you could see it on their faces during this tour."

The tour Miles speaks of is a recently-completed barnstorming tour of friendlies against college teams in Candelaria and Marquez. Thanks in large part to an agreement the SSF has signed with the CMSC, the Scotchpine squad spent a month training in Candelaria and Marquez, and while they were there they were able to arrange several friendlies. The matches did quite well at the gate, as fans came out to see Jamie Watson, Seth Walker, and Orlando Moore. Those three play professionally for AFC MN Smith in Bove, Candelaria and Marquez.

"Being here has improved my game so much," said Watson, who was a bench player for the last round of qualifying but now is the starting right winger. "I didn't really know what the game was supposed to look like and feel like until I came over here."

And his countrymen have noticed the difference.

"Probably our biggest weakness last time was our outside presence," said Miles. "Jamie now gives us a legit scoring threat from the wing, so opposing defenses have to keep him honest as well as Igor (Volkov) and Alex (Urmanov) in the middle. I think it'll open up more scoring chances for us."

That's very important for a squad that sets a goal of leading the world in shots on goal in whatever compeittion it's playing in.

"If somebody makes 20 saves on us, then good for them. The deserve to win," said Miles. "But I don't think that'll happen too often. I think our guys are too good. If we keep taking shots, some will go in."

Volkov, who has signed to play with Khalmar-Tijhus in Cafundéu, agrees.

"We're going to come out firing, and we won't stop till the ref blows the whistle."

NOTES: Team captain Paulo Salcedo also will play for Khalmar-Tijhus. He personally lobbied the team to sign Volkov, and both Scotchpine players have won starting spots for their team in Cafundéu...Watson, Walker, and Moore are all starters for MN Smith...The squad had four members who have not competed internationally before: midfielders Neal Kight and Jim O'Rourke, and forwards Roger Theriault and Matt McFall. Kight and Theriault, in particular, are seen as future potential stars.

It was packed room in the meeting room of the Jeruselem and Ariddia Friendship Society. The room was full of Ariddians, ex-Ariddians, and expats as well as French-speaking press. The special speakers had not arrived yet.

Two good-looking middle-aged women appeared. The ambassador to Ariddia, Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas and the new Jeruselem World Cup 39 coach, Jane Sanderson of Ariddia. The spicy looking short Dazza in her figure hugging dress while average height Jane was dressed more conversatively but still stylish.

Dazza spoke
"I want everyone here to support our Jane here. She's come my homeland to help Jeruselem in the world Cup 39. Officially, she's first real Ariddian to coach our team, I'm just half-Ariddian with Ariddian citizenship."

Jane
"Thanks for the support everyone. It's been a struggle to settle in Jeruselem at times but with a bit of help from everyone I think I've been accepted into the community now. Dazza's been a big help too. She seems to have answers for everything. I'm staying at her place for mainly security reasons. I hope I can help Jeruselem to win this cup, but I can't guarantee anything still."

<more yapping>

Dazza
"Everyone, please support Jane and our team. Support Ariddia too! We want this one to be a good one. Enough talking. Let's get out the back and get on with the barbeque! French style of course. We got some Ariddian chefs in to cook for us."

<Later>

Jane: Flak, where's that girl of yours.
Flak: I think she's with her Mum
Jane: So how did you end up with her?
Flak: Oh, this party. Jacinta got rather drunk and kinda hit on me. I didn't realise she was a Dallas at the time.

Jane: Don't let her distract you from your game there. I want you to be ready for football.
Flak: That's a bit hard, her Mum is distracting enough.
Jane: I know it is, but football is your priority for now. When the cup is over, then you can work on the relationship. Despite her oddities, I think she's make a good partner.
Flak: Well, it's not everyday you date the Queen's sister.

Aah, another World Cup. Time for everyone to play soccer together, furthering the goals of harmony and increasing the World Record of wagon wheels eaten during a match.

Unless, of course, you just don't like soccer.

That's the particularly awkward boat the Casaran branch of the Karini Native Sports Association found itself in once again. Dedicated to the proliferation of the little sports you've never heard of, the KNSA was also dedicated to the death and collapse of soccer- a game that came from some weird place that no one really heard of.

They had already done quite well- Soccer was more or less an afterthought on most television sports shows, maybe a game or two on TV a week, but the game was getting strangled- just they way they wanted it, of course. But the death wasn't coming quickly enough. Which is the reason the following advertisement began showing up on billboards in Tyrellia, Arcadia, and Ashford as the National Team began their qualifying run.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/soccersoft.png

Aye... it was going to be a bad year.

Well, thought Norman Hacker, it was a fun experience, but he would not have to go through it again. Managing a bunch of women who seemed to have attack attack attack on their brains was not a task for his delicate sensibilities. He was making sure there would be no confusing cock-ups again and enabling the registration of the squad himself, rather than leaving it to the WFA.

He had the squad ready, with Newton back in his good books following the kidnapping palaver, Ackroyd turning into a polished performer, Basset taking even fewer prisoners than usual. Time for Wentland to smash the glass ceiling once more This was going to be It.

Poised by the fax machine in the WFA headquarters, secretary (not Secretary) Mrs Widmore was fussing. "Do you know how to work it, Mr Hacker? It's modern technology, you know..."

"Yes, Mrs Widmore, I KNOW how to use the bl...er, blinking fax machine...I'm not a complete imbecile..."

"No, Mr Hacker, not a complete imbecile."

Hacker stopped and stared at her as he started to feed in the sheets. "Are you insinuating something, Mrs Widmore?"

"No, Mr Hacker. Just that you are putting the pages in upside down. The organizers will see a squad of blank names."

"That is, er, my plan, Mrs Widmore. I can therefore make changes. However I shall turn the pages the other way to cover myself."

As he did so there was a knock at the door to the office. Mrs Widmore answered it to a gentleman in a sharp suit and carrying a briefcase.

"Good afternoon, madam. Is Mr Norman Hacker about?"

"Yes, he is, who shall I say is calling?"

"Dewlap. Horace Dewlap. I have some legal papers for him."

"Oh, you had better come in then, he is sending a fax."

Mr Dewlap ran over at top speed. "STOP! In the name of the law."

"Eh?"

Mr Dewlap switched off the fax machine. "By order of the Supreme Court, you are hereby injuncted from sending in an all-male squad."

"Ehhhhhh????"

"The Women's Headquarters for Implementation of National Guidelines for Equality has sought a Court order ensuring that you must field an equal number of women in the squad to men and give them an equal number of minutes on the pitch. You must not send in that squad. Here are the papers."

"Hang on, I'm not served until I touch them..."

Hacker bodyswerved Mr Dewlap and headed for the door. The slow and ponderous lawyer darted towards him but missed with a lunge with the papers. Hacker laughed as he headed downstairs as Dewlap discombobulated himself with the sofa.

"Oh dear, Mr Dewlap," commented Mrs Widmore. "It looks like you have not served Mr Hacker."

"Never you mind, Mrs Widmore...I have a contingency plan..."

Just then a howl was heard from outside. They looked out of the window and saw Norman Hacker standing by his car looking at his feet, where he had just trodden on a copy of a Court order.

"Justice is served."

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

JARISS RETURNS TO WORLD CUP.

In an amazing sign of determination and the will of the Jarissian people, a mere six years after the tsunami nearly wiped out the entire island, once more has our fine nation readied a team for international play. Despite half the population being lost, the survivors banded together as only Jarissians could in order to ensure the survivors would do just that. Though the seas tried to wipe us out, we still stand and still rebuild.

Jariss City had been heavily hit but last year the main port was finally cleared off completely aided by the return of our hydroelectric plant the year before to full capacity. It was a time of shortages as food and medical supplies had to be flown in via helicopter by foreign countries as only limited supplies had been able to be brought in by the then much blocked ports. Slowly the people rebuilt, our spirits bent but not broken. Finally two years ago after much struggle things finally began to turn to the positive as profit and surpluses slowly began to accumulate and rebuilding sped up. However there is still a ways to go. Food production, while on the rise, is still below our pre-tsunami levels resulting in the need for regular rationing. It is sadly ironic that those lost have actually helped the survivors as if the island's population was still over 9000 as it was before there would not be enough food to feed everyone. Now, the 4600 who remain can in fact survive.

Now our capital has been 86% rebuilt with only the coastal areas still showing signs of damage. 94% of the people in the country have a place to live now after nearly two thirds had lost their homes in the disaster. However nearly a third of those still remain in temporary shelters as rebuilding efforts continue as funding continues to trickle in. Funds drying up in fact, is believed to be partially behind this rush to return to the World Cup which some locals have decried as a waste of money when people still need help here. Government officials however believe they can bring in more income this way and spread word of our need to the rest of the world.

The people have turned with renewed faith to the Lord in this greatest test he had put before us and our efforts to ensure that it will be passed. Others try to classify their religion to a particular sect but in Jariss we know the Lord only cares in our faith and not which forms we use to show it as we have come together to aid our fellow Jarissian.

However there is still much to do as the Spiders head back to the Cup. A mixed bag of players, some old, some new and some just wishing to honor a loved one on the field of play. The team shall wear black armbands on their right arms in memory of those lost in the tsunami. Negotiations with the WCC have reportedly begun over permission to have a phone number shown during Jariss matches where viewers can call in and donate to the rebuilding efforts.

Expectations are low for the team known for its so-called “boring’ defensive style of play, something the Cup proper has seen less and less of over recent times as teams have fallen in love with the all out attack. Also while motivated in national pride to do well, one has to wonder if the players will really be focusing on the matches, or thinking back to their countrymen and women back home watching. However, despite serious damage to the tourist industry here, it is hoped that the Cup shall provide a much needed stimulus to the economy which has been slowly recovering.

In any event this return to the Cup will be something for the Jarissian people to cheer over. Something to bring everyone together on a positive note beyond that of basic survival. Something to show everyone in the world that the Jarissian people can and will respond to any tragedy, any loss, with heads held high. A sign of our determination, our pride, our unquenchable spirit, our will to succeed. This is what we are. This is what we will also be. ‘From the seas we came’ is our country’s motto. And not even the wrath of the seas will ever take us back.

As the world waited for the qualifing draw to take place in the Unified Capitalizt States and Valanora, a lonely man in the middle of nowhere began to mumble to himself. Since there was no one else with in 400 miles of him, he didn't think it wierd that he was mumbling to himself, although a crow on the nearest pine tree looked at him askew and he shouted at the bird, causing it to fly away. Content that at least the bird weren't listening in on his nonsensical mumbling, the man continued to mumble to himself over and over, "the end is coming to an end".

Pierre-André Kavan, the new acting director of the Ad'ihan Football Federation, checked his email inbox, fully expecting it to be flooded full of congratulatory messages on his (albeit temporary) appointment.

Kavan grumbled as he looked at his monitor. "Inbox (83)", it read. Something else caught his eye. It was marked high priority. A job application? Kavan scratched his head as he surveyed his new office. A brilliant, soft, comfortable leather chair; a sofa in the corner; a great big mahogany desk and the latest flat-screen PC. To add to all that, a giant 35-inch plasma television hung on the wall at the far end of the room, next to shelves full of books on the history of football in Liverpool England.

Not much use that would be now – Ad'ihan had just - finally - gained full independence.

A job application. For what? No-one had informed Kavan that there were other openings at the AFF. "João Augusto Figueiredo", it was from. Kavan figured it was spam, and ignored it.

He got up and walked over to the television screen, turning it on before retreating to the sofa. There was only one Ad'ihani broadcaster to date, and that was Radio Ad'ihan International. He recognised the man on the screen as RAI's Chief Football Correspondent, Davey Thomson. His predecessor had warned him about Davey, as had the former national coach Luke Evans.

Hang on a second. Former national coach?

Kavan got up and practically jumped over his desk into his chair facing the PC.

Dear Sir,

I heard that you are looking for a coach, and I'm interested in the job. My name is João Augusto Figueiredo, I'm a coach from Cafundéu very popular in the domestic league, although I haven't coach a National Team before.

My experience in the Cafundelense league is huge. I'm 68 years old, coaching there since I was 44. I won the National League twice, before Cafundéu entered in the NSWC. Actually, I'm still coaching in the first division of the league, but I'm not more one of the most popular coaches.

My experience and tactical abilities can help your National Team. My stile is usual defensive, but I change it according to the team that I'm coaching. I like to use the wings and to create moves from set pieces. 3-5-2 with wingers is my favourite formation, but I can work very well with a 4-4-2 too.

If you accept me, please let me know

Best regards
João Augusto Figueiredo

A most interesting email. Ad'ihan were still relatively new on the international stage but had done well in its three qualifying performances so far. Certainly the choice of a foreign manager had never been considered yet.

Kavan figured as much. In the background, Thomson was speculating on the TV that the AFF was looking at hiring a Valanoran coach, to which Kavan almost laughed out loud. He started typing.

Mr João Augusto Figueiredo,

Thank you for your interest in the open Ad'ihan national job. Unfortunately, at this time the Ad'ihan Football Federation are not looking for a foreign coach. If and when we have exhausted our options of local choices, please be assured that you will be among the first to be considered.

Yours,
Pierre-André Kavan
Acting director,
Ad'ihan Football Federation

He sat back and pondered. There weren't many good coaches left in the original Ad'ihani nation, but with the recent independence and expansion of the country to include a former Liverpool England territory, surely finding a local coach wouldn't be that hard...

Would it?

The World Cup is a very special moment in Cafundéu. People like to watch the games between the nations (especially if it's a game between strong nations), and some of them are so fanatic that watch even the smallest games of the World Cup qualifiers. But, of course, the majority is only interested in the World Cup proper, and in the Monopolists' games in the qualifiers.

Now that the team seems stronger than ever, with a responsible coach and good players, they expect to see good performances of the National Team. But the fact is that they're really waiting for the World Cup... when some Cafundelenses can even support other nations (if the game isn't against Cafundéu). This is most related with the team that they support. Petardos S/A fans defend their idol Lennie Newton, supporting him when he's playing for Wentland, and wanting the loss of Wentland if he isn't playing. Now, with the impact signing of Viggo Haakana, Petardos S/A fans will support Squornshelous in some games.

The same happens with other supporters. Cafundó do Juta fans support Squournshelous in most games too, as Caj Ilmari lead the team of the capital to many good moments (Ilmari was the best player of the Cafundelense league last season). Ranca Toco fans usually like to watch Jeruselem, as some Jeruselem players made history in the team, as Sajat Mokat and Adam Tuff. SC Lasft fans, although not much, support Capitalizt SLANI in the games, because of the retired midfielder Münzer.

Penders fans, due to the attacking pair Kips-Cazarez, will be likely to support Valanora and Kura-Pelland in their games. And what about Pernetas EC, which has just recently signed two Starblaydi players? They'll expect to see good result from Starblaydia, and be happy with them. São José's fans have admiration for Candelaria And Marquez, and Clube Imperial fans, after supporting Bettia for some time (due to the Busilanta brothers), now are watching Daehanjeiguk games closely. Qazox will be followed by EC Elville fans.

But in two teams, this policy of "supporting the nation of our idol player" is bigger than in the others. Dunboor FC fans, for some years, supported Sel Appa, but now only few do that (Dubrov retired). Now, they support Eddie Barnes and, of course, Zwangzug. The love for Zwangzug is so intense in some of these fans that they consider that their second nation. In Khalmar-Tijhus, Ariddia is praised due to the goalkeeper Jarl Knudsen (although recently some fans started to prefer Scotchpinestan), but there is a team where Ariddia's team is considered a divine thing. It's in Atlético Jutense. Atlético Jutense is the team of Ke Sho (first as a player, now as a coach), Tu Wesh, Si Ewe... and now, the son of Ke Sho, José "Zé" Sho. Some Atlético Jutense fans can even support Ariddia in a game against Cafundéu! Petardos S/A fans like Ariddia too (Petardos S/A coach is the Ariddian Christophe Argentier), but they like Jeruselem too (because of defender Bob Woolmer), and aren't likely to support these two nations.

But, of course, the supporters will really follow the games of Cafundéu. And, expecting good profits from the World Cup, Globo Multimedia and other companies related to sports and media (Olho No Lance! magazines, C-Electronics, TV Povão, Gazeta do Povo newspaper, Banco Econômico, Velog, Rasteira sports clothes, Toquinho balls, and many others) started to prepare special offers and advertisements for the World Cup.

Globo Multimedia was the first. Using famous players, started to publish in many TV channels (even in competitiors, as it paid a lot of money!) the games that it will show, in the qualifiers, and published that will show all the games of the World Cup proper, using three different channels (Globo 1, Globo 2 and Globo Plus). The players selected for the ad were Lennie Newton, Caj Ilmari, Eddie Barnes, Anormal, Si Ewe, Kim Yongdae, Karl Gepardo, Fe-Do, Flecha and Carl Underdark.

At least in Cafundéu, Globo Multimedia's dominance during the World Cup is guaranteed.

Norman Hacker marched into the Court buildings. Before him lay a plethora of plinths, each of which had a sheet of A4 tacked thereon. "What is all this? Where do I go?"

A clerk approached. "Excuse me, sir, but are you here for a hearing?"

"Yes, I need this heard." He proffered the Court order to the clerk, who perused it gravely."

"Ah, yes, an injunction of mandamus. You have a return date, sir. You are not due in Court for another week."

"But that's too late! I have to get my squad in."

"That's all well and good, sir, I do not know what a "squad" is but I am sure it is important."

"Too right it is! I don't want a bunch of bloody bints again."

"In which case, sir, I suggest you apply for a writ of celeriter, through which the return date could be advanced to be heard in expedite."

"Do what?"

"To the Court office, sir. Just through those doors, and they shall assist."

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC can qualify says coach Alfredo Neves

New Jeru FC coach Alfredo Neves of Cafundeu says the team could qualify for the World Cup 39. The former coach of the Cafundeu World Cup team was selected to shape up the under-performing Jeruselem army team which have not qualified for any World Cup proper despite some good performances at the Oxen Cup in Qazox.

Neves was chosen to replace Abrams Tunk who pushed Jeru FC's ranking into top 50 area, but Neves wants more from his new team.

Neves said to JGN
"I know Jeru FC don't get the best players. In fact, the team hasn't changed for three cups. Past coaches have been too soft on these players. Army teams perform best when they get disciplined and trained like an army does. I'm going push the team hard and make sure they are focussed. No womanising or drinking for these men, it's all hard yakka all the way. No acceptance of failure, we will change the Jeru FC mindset. If Jeruselem regard not making the 2nd round as failure, it's going the same with Jeru FC now. Qualification is the first target. I know I don't have the talent of Cafendeu or Jeruselem here, more like much of idiots but I can turn them into real football men. My Jeru FC will not be same as past ones, they will be better. I can whip them into a real football team, and none of them will be spared the treatment. They've had it too easy for too long, it's time for real work and the holiday is over for them. I'm no Dazza Dallas, I'm Alfredo Neves ... I'll get things done my way."

When asked about the new coach of Jeru FC, former coach of Jeru FC and Jeruselem Dazza Dallas said
"I've heard about Neves. He was coaching Cafundeu when I was coaching Jeruselem. I don't think he'd the players first choice as they prefer their coaches with nice boobs but I think from an army perspective - he's the perfect man for the job. If anyone can straighten up that team, he's the man. As for qualification, I think they'll come close but I think they'll need to be top 30 material to qualify which won't happen this time round."

Current Jeruselem coach Jane Sanderson didn't want to comment saying
"I'm in no position to comment on Jeru FC. I think you should ask the former Jeruselem coaches first."

New Jeruselem Assistant coach Rocky Pointy Stick (aka Queen's brother) said
"Can't say. He'll discipline them but I'm not sure if that will actually improve their football or not. Well, I hope it does. They get better every cup but slowly. I don't think they'll qualify still."

Golden Chariot releases unofficial International Football Power Rankings

PALLONA -- Golden Chariot, Vephrall's most famous casino and bookmaker, located right in the heart of Pallona's gambling district, has released its International Football Power Rankings for the upcoming World Cup qualification run.

"Our rankings," says Golden Chariot CEO Wesy Ostalir, "differ from the KPBs in that they are a projection of teams' future performance as opposed to a measurement of what they've done in the past."

The IFPRs are based on a poll of 400 analysts nationwide, each having their say on who they believe the 25 best teams in the world are. The votes are compiled, and through a mathematical process the top 32 nations are recognized in the IFPRs.

Another notable difference is that the IFPRs take into account only teams that are actually participating in the upcoming qualifiers (or have already received a bye to the Cup proper - in other words, Capitalizt SLANI and Valanora). So you won't see Vilita, Turori, or Errinundera on here, for instance.

The new IFPRs are as follows:

IFPR Team Rank Pts KPB
1st Az-cz 776 1st
2nd Valanora 662 2nd
3rd Capitalizt SLANI 545 4th
4th Squornshelous 544 5th
5th Ariddia 520 6th
6th Sel Appa 504 3rd
7th Tynelia 487 7th
8th Zwangzug 441 8th
9th Demot 374 10th
10th Milchama 351 9th
11th Cafundéu 345 12th
12th Bettia 314 13th
13th Jeruselem 254 14th
14th Wentland 232 15th
15th Quakmybush 230 16th
16th The Holy Empire 199 17th
17th Oliverry 192 19th
18th Northern Bettia 180 18th
19th Bostopia 143 20th
20th The Archregimancy 138 34th
21st Vephrall 130 28th
22nd Kura-Pelland 122 32nd
23rd Candelaria And Marquez 116 27th
24th Ad'ihan 113 31st
25th Novapsolu 95 24th
26th Qazox 94 22nd
27th Yafor 2 91 26th
28th Ulzaxid 89 30th
29th Jasīʼyūn 73 23rd
30th Dance 2 Revolution 70 37th
31st Bazalonia 68 21st
32nd Estresse Intenso 55 38th

Of particular note is the 20th-24th cohort; analysts appear to believe the Archregimancy, Vephrall, Kura-Pelland, C&M, and Ad'ihan are all significantly better than the KPBs would indicate. In contrast, they seem to feel Bazalonia is overrated, ranking only 31st in the IFPRs compared with 21st in the KPBs.

"There could potentially be a little bit of home bias," admitted Ostalir when asked why Vephrall and Kura-Pelland were rated so highly. All of the analysts whose opinions were solicited are Vephrese. "They do try to remain as objective as possible, though," he countered.

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Vephrese Casino 'International Power Rankings'

Fellow nations: we continue to rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord our God brings the new World Cup ever closer, and - as before - invite you to pray with us for a successful tournament. Again, if your nation is not inclined to prayer, or is filled with heathens and heretics (which, alas includes most other nations with the exception of our most Orthodox Valerian brothers and sisters), we hope that you will still join us in wishing all the best for each and every participating nation.

It has recently come to our attention that a den of sin and iniquity in Vephrall, known to some as the 'Golden Chariot Casino', has declared that our national football team is considerably better than the official world rankings suggest. This 'casino' is apparently a place where mixed groups of men and women can gamble; we even understand that there is an entire district in Vephrall set aside for this terrible vice.

Why do people gamble? Some people gamble because of the thrill they receive from the uncertainty connected with it. The more that this attitude pervades them, the more gambling becomes a kind of incurable disease with them. Others gamble because of their strong desire to obtain something for nothing, Others gamble because it makes an egotistic appeal to them to excel over others and win the rewards of the game. Whatever the motives and purposes, gambling is contrary to the teachings of God's Word and is therefore sinful.

Gambling is a way of practicing dishonesty. It is a form of taking what does not rightfully belong to a person. Interested in obtaining something for nothing, the gambler tries in every way to attain his ends, and usually is concerned to learn all the "tricks" he can. He is interested in "fleecing" those that are inexperienced. Gambling often takes the wages from innocent mothers and children and returns nothing. Along with gambling frequently goes cheating, and both are forms of dishonesty. Saint Paul states, "Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth" (Ephesians 4:28). Gambling is based on the evil desire to get money or goods which belong to someone else without giving fair value in exchange. This is the sin of "covetousness", and those who do such things move further away from the kingdom of God (Romans 1:28-32).

Because gambling encourages the "getting something for nothing" philosophy, it also encourages laziness and indolence. Men and women who set out on a career of gambling shun honest labor and become parasites. States and cities where gambling is legalised and a "big business" become mere parasites living off the productive labor of others. Such statements as Paul made in II Thessalonians 3:10-11 certainly conflict with the gambler's ideal of living.

For this reason, we categorically reject the findings of the 'Golden Chariot', and insist that we be considered quite as pathetically middling as the official KPB ranks suggest.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

White - The New Cyan

JMC have unveiled the official Krytenian kits for World Cup XXXIX today - with a twist. The nation's famous sky and navy quarters have returned, but only as the second strip, as the Aces switch to a brand new all-white kit. The new home shirt also includes ivory-coloured jacquarding, as well as a silver version of the national team's badge.

Explaining the reasons for the switch, a spokesperson for the KFA announced:

“Alas, in our time away, quarters and sky blue have become associated with other nations. The tradition is being kept in the away kits, but we feel the time is right to embrace the new.”

Early sales indicate that the new away kit is far more popular though; could the white kit's number be up before it even gets going?

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/KRY39.png
The controversial new kits.

"Yes, sir, can I help you?"

"Yes, I need a writ of celtic warrior, please."

"I think you mean celeriter, sir."

"Whatever, I need something to get rid of this injunction."

"Certainly, sir. You simply need to issue a praecipe that is served on the representatives of the Plaintiff."

"A precipice? Do what?"

"A praecipe, sir. It's elementary constitutional practice. You can find the form in drawer 5/a, sir."

Hacker followed the court office clerk's finger to the bank of drawers. 5/a, there it was, blank form, to be filled in. Tongue poking out, Hacker filled it out and returned to the desk.

"Now, sir, all we need is the issue fee of twelve guineas..."

"TWELVE GUINEAS?! This is an outrage...."

"Did you see Qasox disrespectin?"

"Yeh man why they hatin?"

"It's not our fault we can't play 5 games, you know we would have won them too"

"They just scared, they know we too good, we better than them"

"Fo' sho'"

"Yeh let's ditch that ghetto accent"

"Ah man that was so fun"

"True but it's annoying"

"Fine"

"Anyway wasn't today brilliant"

"Yeh, David with a complete game 7 hitter, 2 runs against and we scored 8 runs"

"Everything went perfect, we are more than ready to beat Mattarsland in the quarters"

"Yeh I really can't wait"

"You know we need to start following the footie now, the World Cup is about to start"

"Oh yeh man"

"Did you see Vephrall disrepectin us?"

"No what did they do?"

"They said that we are not what are KPB rank says we are, they say we are worse than it"

"Why? We have the worst generation of Milchamian youngsters ever coming up complete with a nation's increasing apathy toward football what could have given them that idea"

"No idea"

"So we have no idea why the hatin"

"Yep"

"Cool well then let's root for the Warriors in both sports"

"Sounds good"

BILL: Pardon the interruption, but I'm Bill Harbough. Jack, the Black Wings are Baptism of Fire champions! How cool is that?
JACK: I'm Jack Marengue. It's not as cool as the "dude chicken" story, I'll say that.
(Voiceover continues during the title sequence)
BILL: I don't believe you.
JACK: Whaaaaat?
BILL: They WIN the TOURNAMENT, and you're hung up on the dude chickens.
JACK: It's fun to say!
(Back to the studio)
JACK: Welcome to PTI, boys and girls. Today, Harbough and I yap about football, football, and for a chance of pace... FUUUUTBOL. The Dancougar Black Wings pulled away in the second half of last night's Baptism of Fire championship, netting two late goals to win 3-0 against Bonto. Hideo Ikeda finished the tournament with a team-best seven scores, and goalie Peter Hawkins picked up his third clean sheet. But Bill, we can talk about the game later, Pat French is already looking ahead to the World Cup qualifiers. Is he taking this a little too quickly?
BILL: I think he's right to switch gears, he has to take it in stride. They also have a friendly before that, I believe, and the competition is going to definitely be tougher than anything they faced in the Baptism of Fire. Jack, we watched his press conference, and he says he's setting modest goals. Five or six wins in a group of eight.
JACK: Yeah, and that's probably far out of reach for a team this young. They might get two, maybe three, I think he's kidding himself if they win more than that.
BILL: Well, it's not just a matter of inexperience. This tournament ends, and what else starts? The college football season! About a third of the team was made up of seniors who graduated before the Baptism of Fire started, so if we assume French holds onto them...
JACK: Which is a good assumption, I'm sure they can find ways to stay fit.
BILL: Right. But that still means that two thirds of the players are going to be swapping time between the national team and their college team during qualifiers, and they're either going to burn themselves out, or they'll have to pick and choose which matches they miss. We could see new faces on and off the roster until the season ends, which will take them almost half way through qualifiers.
JACK: Well, at that point, they're fine, because from January on, nothing official for them to worry about except the national team. But if players get tired and perform poorly at school, do you think they get replaced permanently by newcomers?
BILL: That's a tough call. French says he's sticking with this Baptism of Fire roster for qualifiers, and for the players, their jobs are, quote, "theirs to lose." I think if they continue to perform at the national level, they might be okay, and French, he likes this group. But if some other players really up their game during the regular season, we may see the committee overrule him, and try to boost their chances.
JACK: Which is very likely when you consider that the Black Wings are going to start losing games in a hurry, and we hope that the national committee and the fans realize that it's not necessarily true that the Wings are bad, but that the other teams are just much better than they are. We're taking a quick break. When we come back, Jericho Leyton joins us for five good minutes, and we'll break down the major conferences for the upcoming college season.
ANNOUNCER: Pardon the Interruption, brought to you by Sir Alec Lite. That's no moon, it's great taste, fewer calories!

White - The New Cyan

JMC have unveiled the official Krytenian kits... the Aces switch to a brand new all-white kit. Explaining the reasons for the switch, a spokesperson for the KFA announced:

"Alas, in our time away, quarters and sky blue have become associated with other nations. The tradition is being kept in the away kits, but we feel the time is right to embrace the new.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/KRY39.png
The controversial new kits.


http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/ediraflogo.jpg
always ahead of our time

ediraf has made football kits for nearly a century, constantly being at the forefront of style, design and quality. The instantly-recognisable white-and-purple Starblaydi kit has been a part of the World Cup's imagery for many years and has become a world-wide design icon, due partly to Starblaydia's two World Championships, record five AOCAF titles and one Olympic Championship in the past, as well as a staunch run in the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 38.

This Starblaydi-based company has always provided industry-leading design in the sports apparel market in cut, style and colour of our football kits. ediraf is proud to provide uniforms for the Starblaydia national football team and will, as it has always done, continue to lead the world in sport and leisure wear.
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/NewHome.gif

As this lonely man continued on his journey, to wherever it took him, he noticed one day that some people were following him. He stopped, turned around, and was shocked to see 17 people standing right behind him, all carrying signs that said "the end is coming to an end". He scratched his head for a minute, turned back around and started walking forward again. After a couple of minutes, he stopped and turned back around, and there now was 18 people standing behind him, all carrying signs that said "the end is coming to an end". Chuckling to himself, he turned around once again and continued his journey, to wherever it took him.

There's an odd legend in soccer, one that goes back years and brings the sport together with just a bit of awe. That is, of course, the magic sponge.

A sponge that could heal any injury on the field, magically put players back into close games, and turn sure defeats into wondrous victories. The magic sponge is surely a thing of wonder, something to be cherished and kept for when it is absolutely necessary.

With all relics of this level of importance, there are a number of pretenders circulating, pretending to be the true magic sponge merely to demoralize opponents. But this, of course, displeases the soccer gods, leading those teams to failure and shame.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/soccerad2.png

And some people don't have respect for the magic sponge at all. Which is a shame.

Mark was nudged awake.

“Mark honey, we're flying over Fort Boston! Take a look!”

Mark looked out of the window of the plane – feeling a little groggy – and gazed upon the sea of lights underneath, the cars traversing the main highway.

“Why's there a large dark patch near the castle?” He asked.

“That's Fort Boston Park, it's not lit at night to give it a more 'natural' look,” his father answered, “though you should be able to see the lake and River Ranton.”

Mark stared out the window for the next few minutes, at the expanse of Fort Boston slowly turning into Ranton and then into open countryside, as he fell back asleep.

An hour later, he was awoken again.

“Fasten your seatbelt now, we're landing!”

After a few minutes, and a bumpy landing, the head stewardess came over the radio.

“Welcome to Monham, Bostopia. Local time is 20:42 Bostopia East Standard Time, and outside temperature is seven degrees Celsius. Thank you for flying Bostopia Airlines from Casari, and thank you for all the hard work and service you have given Bostopia throughout your careers.”

It appeared that most of those on the flight were recently retired personnel returning home. Or in Mark's case, going to a new country.

After coming out of the gate, they were met by a military band, who played tunes until the last family had come into the terminal proper.

Mark looked around confused, starting to learn what Bostopia was like. Fiercely patriotic, to an extent that he was almost scared. As they made their way out to the carpark where the vehicle the Army provided for Mark's mother, Mark noticed all the Bostopian flags, not just the National flag, but the State flag, and the flag of East Isle all fluttering above various buildings, both public and private.

As they started their drive in the large 4 by 4 car, the radio was turned on.

“The time is Twenty-Two-Hundred-Hours, and this is Monham 109.3FM. Tonight's top stories – Bostopia has declared war on Sorthern Northland after the naming of a stadium in memorial to those who killed Emperor Boston and his family. Communists have been arrested in Monham following security threats. Bostopia is to give aid to Zwangzug for unannounced reasons, and in sports, Bostopia have been drawn against Cadarnia in qualifying for World Cup 39.”

Transcript from World Cup 39 Maiden Speech

Count George Holldering (Chairman of the FFB): Ladies and Gentlemen it is with great pleasure that I announce that the coaching staff for the empire has selected the team that will lead the hopes of all Bloumans into our first ever World Cup. I have complete confidence in both the manager Luke Danner and the entire team that they will perform to the best of their ability and make us proud. I will now hand it over too Luke Danner to say a few words.

Luke Danner (Manager): I am pleased to announce the roster for our team into the 39th World Cup. I have only made two changes from the Baptisim of Fire tournament to the team they are Henry Lorona has been dropped from the team and in his place will be Midfielder Sam Killner who will be given number 25. The Other change is a new Vice-Captain has been appointed Jack Juckson will be Vice-Captain, as Alexander Lightfoot has spoken to me about the position and has requested that he does not hold this position. Sam Kiamar is still Captain and will say a few words.

Before Sam could even open his mouth Count Holldering rushed to the Microphones

Count Holldering: Ladies and Gentlemen please during this speech the Qualifying draw has been announaced please everyone we will look at the draw and hold another Press Conference in one hour

The squad has been announced, the stadiums have all be expanded or in the case of the Fort Bos... er White Cliff Stadium, built and have all received a fresh lick of paint. The Sortherners have been drawn with teams such as Bazalonia, Minilla Island and most excitingly a nation called Beer Served Here. We look forward to travelling to this wonderful sounding land as I'm sure several thousands of Sortherners are. Our President sensationally resigned saying something about poetry, the Bostopian Prime Minister got absolutely plastered in a way a Sortherner would of been proud of, our Dear Leader erm former Dear Leader challenged one James Barcali to a drinking contest, not sure who won but a great time was had by both men, think it was O'Bagels, and last but not least Bostopia have declared war on Sorthern Northland, and Oliverry has refused to come to our aid.

Yes not a ball has been kicked yet and already I have to say this is our most exciting World Cup ever.

I tried to speak to our ex-President but he was busy so I spoke to some random peson who claimed to be the Deputy President instead, here's what he had to say.

"Well I think it's fair to say that it's been an eventful night. I mean the World Cup draw has been made and of course it had to be restarted and I'm fairly confident that we won't qualify. Again. In fact I'll stick my neck on the line and say we'll finish in fifth.

But hey at least we have three excellent stadia, obviously we all know the James Connolly Stadium and Estadio Fidel Castro, but we have a new one in the White Cliff, up in the Northern Wastes in the lovely city of Snowspire. We have had a few teething problems with it unfortunately, we did originally call it the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium and invited Bostopia to the stadiums opening match. Obviously not a wise move and now they've declared war on us. I would like to stress to the Bostopian government that the stadiums name in the White Cliff and not the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium and I just hope they give up this war as if they don't we're screwed quite frankly.

What else was there? Oh yes the President resigned. Sensational stuff, I really can't believe it, this country is great because of him and we'll miss him. Reports of unsavoury behaviour from Ben O'Bagels? Bostopian lies! He behaved admirably and was a credit and honour to all Sortherners and went out in style. That Alan Sentor from Bostopia though now there's a guy who couldn't handle his drink. Was running around naked and throwing up out of windows and stuff like that, and if he says otherwise, it's more capitalist lies.

So yeah, I think tonight could go down as a memorable night in Sorthern Northland's history."

OOC: Some of the second half of this RP is paraphrased from the qualifying chat on IRC.

"Hi, it's me. Anchovy Mo.

Ever since the merger of Boris' Donuts and Don's Pizza, some of my chums and I have been increasingly mingling with the local law enforcement. And now, what with the qualifying draw happening and all, I thought it would be a good time to clarify some of the finer points of our prediction club.

That's what we are. A prediction club. We make predictions about how stuff will turn out. And if we get these predictions correct, why, we give each other rewards for doing so. Helps to train the mental faculties and such. Very educational. We charge an admissions fee-more symbolic than anything really, the economy being what it isn't. Makes sure only serious predictors join up. And of course, there are higher prizes for more impressive predictions.

Speaking of more impressive predictions, I don't need to bore you with what to make of the top teams. There will be enough predictions for the qualifiers. It's the new folks I want to give shoutouts too. Yeah, maybe they won't make it into the proper, but they'll make some noise all right, and they have the right to get mentioned.

Dancougar's legit; Bonto, Yafalonia and Bazor 2 earned their places up there. Fujisawan Territories might come through when it counts, and you know I love Naboombu Umbongo. Outside the Baptism of Fire teams, the Supermarket looks like the safest bet-er-better...team! That's it. And then there's always Violitism, but...who knows what they'll do.

Anyhow. Just wanted to clear that up a bit.

Thank you very much for your time."

meanwhile...

The Baptism of Fire was over.

The teams had been welcomed, the Black Wings had been awarded, the advertising deal with Johnson Wolgenager had been jettisoned at the last minute, and Belinda Littlewood could cross item after item off her to-do list.

It was a pen-and-paper list. The office oddball, Belinda was a bit of a technophobe. Which might have explained why she had recently hit the wrong keys and caused what should have been official correspondence to the World Cup Committee to be uploaded into cyberspace. Luckily, all it was was some nonsense about a goat.

She crossed off negotiations with the hosts-Megan Kucinich had been signed to Wexax United, where she'd be about 30 times younger than the average league age-and glanced at her next task: to attend the qualification draw.

Somehow or other, she arrived there. She had just settled in when Zwangzug were drawn as the first seed into group one. After the teams had been randomly resorted in the previous tournament, her team had been the last listed in the last group.

As soon as she had mentally noted the pleasant symmetry, her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Belinda? Yeah. Remember that e-mail joking about a goat? Some guy thought it would be funny to tie one outside of headquarters."

The Zwangzug Athletics Organization occupied several floors of a skyscraper. "A what? Outside headquarters."

"Yeah. We tried to, you know, move it, but it won't leave that patch of grass."

"I'll be right over." She shut the phone off. "Excuse me..."

The situation was as it had been described over the phone: a goat, recently untethered, was roaming on the small front lawn, and resisted any attempt to be dragged elsewhere.

"There's nothing you can do, really," rationalized her colleague. "You can head back to the draw if you want."

She did, in fact, want, and using some elven time-dilation trick that she didn't really want to understand, arrived just as Jeruselem was drawn into group 7, the second-seed slot of which Jasi'yun already occupied.

Ben O'Bagels offered her a beer, which she dubiously accepted (Zwangzug being a prohibitionist country). After a very brief apology for her untimely exit, Alan Sentor of Bostopia offered any support his country could give.

It was awkward to accept the offer from the nationalists, but as Sentor put it, the Bostopian intelligence services and networks were "second to none". There were two new items on the to-do list, really. The first was to get that goat off the premises.

The second was to find out who had put it there, and why.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Our generic predictions

Yeh we really should do our homework and research our chance of beating all our opponents. But why do research and think about what is good or bad when you have loud opinions and arrogance to back up what amounts to negative warrants for all our predictions. So then without fail for the 14th straight World Cup we, the Milchamian media, give you our infamous predictions.

(9) Milchama - That's us. Yet again we are a first seed, in the top 10 and the questions surrounding this team are more about whether we can make the semi finals then whether we can qualify. It's a good feeling. Yet you never know...
(16) Quakmybush- How they got to be 16th seed is anyone guess considering we really don't know anything about their squad or who they are outside of their luck. They qualified in their first WC and have qualified every time since then. Though they will still be no match for us and our brilliance. 2 wins, easy.
(32) Kura-Pelland- Never faced them despite them being in the top 32 and there is only one reason for that. They suck, this will be two more easy victories. You can put that one in the book.
(43) St Samuel- I'm pretty sure we have faced them at some point. We also beat them around that same point. Meaning there is only one possible result from these two ties and victory is coming look busy. Two more wins over these blokes.
(69) Prux - We might also have faced them. I really don't know, this paper stopped paying attention to the qualifiers about World Cup 33 and a lot has changed since then. However, we still win especially over mid-level teams like Prux. That's two more wins right there then. Easy peesy.
(88) Rugiero- Never faced them. Never heard of them. They must be pretty awful to be unheard of and yet be in the top 100. Man the WC gets easier and easier. Chalk up two more victories for the Warriors.
(156) Fujisawan Territories - We are over 100 ranks above them and we know nothing about them. This means only one things, we are much better than these territories. I mean they're not even good enough to be their own country only territories. Two more wins over these strugs.
Violitism- Unranked, unknown and quite probably awful. The chances of losing between 0% and 0%. I mean seriously do we really think we could lose to a non-ranked side? No and I agree. Two more wins.

So you heard it here first everybody. A perfect record for the Milchama Warriors from qualifying.

Come on you Warriors!

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Live from the group draw, I'm John Greye and just moments ago, the qualifing stages for the 39th World Cup have been drawn and here's who and when the Pheonix will play, and previous World Cup or Qualifying, meetings:

Group 6
#38 Estresse Intenso- Never Met
#8 Zwangzug- WC 36 Qualifying, Swept both meetings, WC 34 qualifying, got swept. (2-2)
#36 Lovisa- Never Met
UNR Minilla Island West- Never Met
#101 Samcoa- Never met
#22 Qazox -US
#164 Wing Wang Woo- Never Met
#57 Starblaydia: WC31 Qualifying, we beat them TWICE, while they were ranked #1 in the world. (2-0)

SCHEDULE: (home games in Italics)
Matchday 1: @ Lovisa
Matchday 2: vs. Minilla Island West (Estadia Pika)
Matchday 3: @ Samcoa
Matchday 4: @ Starblaydia
Matchday 5: vs Wing Wang Woo (Estadia Pika)
Matchday 6: @ Estresse Intenso
Matchday 7: vs Zwangzug (Qazian Memorial Stadium)
Matchday 8: vs Lovisa (SaxerDome)
Matchday 9: @ Minilla Island West
Matchday 10: vs Samcoa (Chek-Via Stadium)
Matchday 11: vs Starblaydia (Qazian Memorial Stadium)
Matchday 12: @ Wing Wang Woo
Matchday 13: vs Estresse Intenso (Chek-Via Stadium)
Matchday 14: @ Zwangzug

Stay tuned later for our GROUP 6 preview and predictions and a overview for all groups.

"Ah, good morning, your highness. I see you're already seen the draw for the qualifiers."

King Daniel looked up from his morning newspaper. Indeed, the real challenge was about to begin for his nation, in more ways than one. Not only were the Black Wings major underdogs against most of their group, but the kingdom itself was still essentially alien to the rest of the world. The exodus of fans to Zwangzug had been Dancougar's first real imprint on the world, so there was much to be concerned about. Those overseas who had seen video of celebrations in city squares all over the country, including Black Square in the capital itself, while fireworks exploded over the old palace... yes, that was definitely not the norm.

Fans traveling to Dancougar from freer climes would surely be surprised by the plethora of policemen, surveillance cameras, and subtle instances of censorship and information control put in place by the government to ensure that public life proceeded at a safe pace. Needless to say, with tens of thousands of foreigners primed to descend on Yuki City over the next several months, there was much work to be done to ensure that everything proceeded smoothly. Some regulations loosened, some tightened... getting people out for the Baptism of Fire had been good practice, but the challenge of ensuring the usual environment with 70,000 people packing the recently-completed National Stadium was daunting.

King Daniel put down his paper and stroked his beard. "We have work to do."

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Fellow nations: we rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord our God has seen fit to bring unto us a new World Cup, and invite you to pray with us for a successful tournament. If your nation is not inclined to prayer, or is filled with heathens and heretics (which, alas includes most other nations with the exception of our most Orthodox Valerian brothers and sisters), we hope that you will still join us in wishing all the best for each and every participating nation.

It is no secret that of late the Lord our God has punished the Archregimancy's national football team by seeing them slip from a comfortable top 10 ranked team to a team that is now outside the top 32 and has failed to qualify for two consecutive World Cups. We accept God's judgement on our team of sinners with all due humility, and accept that some of the halftime discussions for recent squads may have revealed a tendency towards non-Chalcedonian Trinitarian theology among certain team members. Lo, we are truly unworthy.

However, with all humility we are concerned that recently the Archregimancy has become a source of humour, a laughing stock amongst other nations, not least for the team we fielded in the last tournament. Fr. Pavel Who Ate All the Pies is the source of some shame here at Monastic Football Association HQ; just what were our predecessors thinking?

It is for that reason that we announce our intention of treating the forthcoming tournament entirely seriously. It is not for us to comprehend God's unknowable plan for the Archregimancy's football team before the tournament, but by treating each match as a living icon of prayer, we hope to show our devotion both to football and the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

From: The Az-cz Association of Atheists

To: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

While we respect your right to your beliefs we suggest that you re-examine them in light of the recent results from the world cup. While we of course belive that your god doesn't exist, we respect your beliefs in it. But even if he does exist it's pretty obvious football is not his vessel for conveying his messages. Let's just take a look at the last 10 world cup champions:

World Cup 29 - Casari

A nation of drunkards, pranksters and all around nerdowells. Not one of the most religious nations going. Hardly the type of team your god would choose to promote himself.

World Cup 30 - Bedistan

Amazingly of the teams on this list Bedistan is the nation closest to representing your beliefs, but Bedistan and the Archregimancy wouldn't seem to make good bedfellows. At any rate, this nation no longer competes in football so if they were one of gods chosen teams his message seems to have been "get out"

World Cup 31 - Squornshelous

Any nation known as the Pschychoes wouldn't seem to be the holiest of nations. While we've only had positive relations with Squornshelous, one doubts they follow a strict Orthodox lifestyle. As a side note about world cup 31, this was the one time a Christian team found some success finishing second. That nation no longer exists.

World Cup 32 - Ariddia

This is where we get into the really bad teams. Ariddia is a nation full of atheists, communists and total hippies. While some claim they follow the teachings of Jesus well, orthodox they ain't.

World Cup 33 - Bettia

Here's a nation of Muslims, full of genies, with a neighbor who's a bunch of a drunken louts. While the Bettians are definitely some of the nicest people you'll meet, again they are far far far from the Orthodox ideal.

World Cup 34 - Ariddia

Again with the French atheist communists.

World Cup 35 - Bettia

And Bettia again

World Cup 36 - Ariddia

A third time for Ariddia.

World Cup 37 - Az-cz

And now you come to us. We're clearly the least holy nation of them all. Most of our citizens have been determined not to have souls by the Archregimancy Church. We're almost all atheists. We're nudists and thieves. We violate most of the ten commandments on a regular basis, although we do follow thou shalt not kill quite well. While I'll match our morality, treatment of the weaker segments of society, equality and those kinds of things with any nation in the world, our godliness would rank near the bottom.

World Cup 38 - Az-cz

And a repeat championship? Your god decided it was best for our nation of heretics to accheive of feat of such great historical value?

We think that the truth is that if your god does exist he's not interfering in our football matches and you should drop the pretense about your team. Perhaps god has more important concerns and lets us employ our free will on the pitch and the Archregimancy just doesn't have very good players.

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

Once again it is time for the World Cup, and the Wombats look to improve upon its record of (2-4-8) from its return 4 years ago.

But the road to Unified Capitalizt States and Valanora seems tougher this time around, with Arridia, Bostopia and Ulzaxid being the favorites. Not to mention the return of Krytenia and the always tough Daehanjeiguk in the way as well. But after 4 years of experience, Green wombat will NOT be the pushover they were last time around.

SCHEDULE
MD1 vs Bull_horns_rule
MD2 @ Bostopia
MD3 vs Ariddia
MD4 @ Cadarnia
MD5 vs Daehanjeiguk
MD6 vs Ulzaxid
MD7 @ Krytenia
MD8 @ Bull_horns_rule
MD9 vs Bostopia
MD10 @ Ariddia
MD11 vs Cadarnia
MD12 @ Daehanjeiguk
MD13 @ Ulzaxid
MD14 vs Krytenia

the Group predictions:
1- Arridia 12-1-1
2- Daehanjeiguk 9-2-3
3- Bostopia 9-2-3
4- Ulzaxid 7-0-7
5- Green wombat 5-3-6
6- Krytenia 4-1-9
7- Cadarnia 2-3-9
8- Bull_horns_rule 2-0-12

Our World Cup Qualifiers: (Surprise teams in Italics)
GROUP 1
MILCHAMA
QUAKMYBUSH
ST SAMUEL
GROUP 2
BETTIA
THE HOLY EMPIRE
VEPHRALL
GROUP 3
DEMOT
JERUSELEM
THE ARCHREGIMANCY
GROUP 4
SQOURNSHELOUS
WENTLAND
REJISTANIA
GROUP 5
YAFOR 2
CAFUNDEU
JASI-YUN
GROUP 6
ZWANGZUG
QAZOX
ESTRESSE INTENSO
GROUP 7
SEL APPA
BAZALONIA
AD'IHAN
GROUP 8
ARRIDIA
DAEHANJEIGUK
BOSTOPIA
GROUP 9
AZ-CZ
NORTHERN BETTIA
CANDELARIA and MARQUEZ
GROUP 10
TYNELIA
DANCE 2 REVOLUTION
OLIVERRY

"LIVE from Pruxton, Prux, IT'S BattenDown!!!!"

<BattenDown theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in our PWF studios! After last week's shocking announcement that the majority of the PWF roster will comprise the Prux national soccer team for the 39th World Cup, we have breaking news about the schedule for the team!"

<plays MUSIC and video for a Superstar>

RJ: OH MY DOG!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S HOT ROCK AUSTIN STEVENS!!!

<Austin Stevens grabs a mic from the ringside and does his usual entrance, and the 50 fans sitting in the studio go crazy.>

Stevens: RIGHT HERE IN MY HANDS IN THE SCHEDULE THE SUMABITCHES AT THE WORLD CUP GAVE US!

<Crowd boos>

Stevens: Let's find out who the Cakeasses we'll be stomping a mudpuddle into: First up: we go to Milchama. <Crowd chants WHO???> Then we host Kura-Pelland, <Crowd chants WHO???>, then we go to Violitism,<Crowd chants WHO???>, then to St Samuel, <Crowd chants WHO???>. Next we host Fujisawan Territories, <Crowd chants WHO???>, go to Quakmybush,<Crowd chants WHO???>, then finally host Rugiero <Crowd chants WHO???>. The second half is the opposite of the first half, with us going to <Crowd chants WHO???>, the countries we hosted and vice-versa. Some dumb sumabitches think we can't make the Cup.. EH-UH. PRUX IS GOING TO THE WORLD CUP, 'CAUSE HOT ROCK SAID SO <Flips off the camera and crowd, then leaves>

RJ: There you have it folks, the World Cup qualifying schedule. Joins us live from Milchama for the first game of the qualifiers.

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

I'm John Greye and here is the breakdown of GROUP 6:

(38) Estresse Intenso: Usually just a step short, but I think they will finally get it together and qualify.

(8) Zwangzug: One of the early favorites to win the Cup, the matches with Qazox should be instant classics.

(36) Lovisa: Classic case of underachiver-itis, and still no cure for them this time around.

Minilla Island West: Don't know much about them, and at the end, they'll probably contend for the wooden spoon.

(101) Samcoa: BoF runners-up. Should put a scare into a couple of teams, but not enough experience yet to be a big factor.

(22) Qazox: Should once again make the Cup, but is this the year they finally advance past the Group Stage? (yes they will)

(164) Wing Wang Woo- See Minilla Island West, but they should finish with 3 or 4 victories.

(57) Starblaydia- The X-factor in this group. If they play to recent form, then there's nothing to worry about, but if they play like past versions of themselves, then this team will be very dangerous.

OTHER GROUPS:
Teams in BOLD are predicted qualifiers.


Group 1: Overall a decent group with 2 good teams, 4 decent ones and 2 walk-overs. Dark horse St Samuel has a shot at the cup, but might miss out by a point or two.
(16) Quakmybush
(88) Rugiero
(9) Milchama
(32) Kura-Pelland
Violitism
(69) Prux
(156) Fujisawan Territories
(43) St Samuel

Group 2: This group is tougher than it looks, as there is 4 or 5 teams that have a chance to qualify, should come down to the last day of matches before it's all settled.
(17) The Holy Empire
(63) Hopeless SC
(28) Vephrall
(176) Kalmykstan
(48) Taeshan
(135) Komekong
(13) Bettia
(93) Dancougar

Group 3: This group is not as tough as it seems as Magnus Valerius
and The Archregimancy have struggled as of late. But other than the top 2 seeds, this group might come down to the wire for the last spot.
(73) Magnus Valerius
(50) Scotchpinestan
(34) The Archregimancy
Evil Polish Donors
(135) Blouman Empire
(53) The Pazhujeb Islands
(14) Jeruselem
(10) Demot

Group 4: Probably one of, if not the, toughest group of the 10. 5 teams have legitimate claims to a berth and the lower 3 seeds are not pushovers.
(5) Squornshelous
(49) Jeru FC
(24) Novapsolu
Algal states
(15) Wentland
(135) Naboombu Umbongo
(105) Yafalonia and Bazor 2
(60) Rejistania

Group 5: This group is also a contender for the Group of Death, as there's 4 teams with recent history in the Cup. The bottom 4 teams are on the weak side, with Solenial being the only real x-factor in the group.
(26) Yafor 2
(23) Jasīʼyūn
The Supermarket
(12) Cafundéu
(156) Loutra oreas Elenis
(114) Acapais
(46) Casari
(67) Solenial

Group 7: A group with 1 good team and 4 medicore one as those 4 teams will vie for 2 spots, as Sel Appa should have little trouble advancing out of this group. Watch out for Minilla Island to pull off a upset or two.
(21) Bazalonia
(125) Beer Served Here
(31) Ad’ihan
(156) Dinos Pizza
(3) Sel Appa
(41) Sorthern Northland
Carcim
(54) Minilla Island

Group 8: Another weak group, as Ariddia probably could use 2nd stringers and qualify, while Ulzaxid, Bostopia, and Daehanjeiguk battle for the last 2 spots. Krytenia and Green wombat have the ability to upset the good teams, but they both are not quite what they used to be.
(6) Ariddia
(176) Cadarnia
(64) Green wombat
(30) Ulzaxid
(70) Krytenia
(135) Bull_horns_rule
(20) Bostopia
(40) Daehanjeiguk

Group 9: If Az-cz doesn't qualify, then we have a story. other than that, not much to talk about here, other than the return of Jariss to the international stage.
(78) Jariss
(59) Nire and Nire
(42) Endmile
(18) Northern Bettia
(1) Az-cz
(27) Candelaria And Marquez
Wavispa
(125) Gweridijongya

Group 10: Tynelia as an elite team? What has the world come to? But other than Tynelia and Oliverry, the real story is the 3 teams below them battling it out for the final spot.
McPsychoville
(19) Oliverry
(151) Ashlaea
(37) Dance 2 Revolution
(7) Tynelia
(51) The Islands of Qutar
(58) Kelssek
(101) Bonto

"And here they go, the traditional here's our guess at what the qualification stage will end up as." Andrew Coulter mused, everything was quiet ordered and there was no one breathing down his neck...

Something was wrong... picking up the handset of the phone that was on his desk he dialed the number, the private number of the WCC President James Gaines, he was one of the only 2 people in the world that had it apart from James Family. 1st was his secretary, however she knew it was for emergency use only and rarely ever used it and then there was him.

"Hi James, how did the draw go?"

"Well, the draw itself went fine, but I've got some badness something happened to your mother."

"She said something again at the Draw and got us kicked out of the WCC?"

"No, no, worse I'm afraid she's in hospital aparently Nick Pensée attacked her or something, I don't know I wasn't there when it happened."

"WHAT! Is she alright? What happened to Pensée?"

"Once again don't know, but I've just checked up on her, she didn't want me to tell you, she didn't want you to worry but really she's fine 'It'd take more than a little bump to stop me.' She told the nurses not so long ago."

"I'm heading over there, right away."

"No she's fine, making a nuisance of herself with the nurses, apparently she was a nurse and she's telling the staff that they're doing it all wrong."

"Oh, well she must be feeling well then but still I want to come, Just because she's feeling well doesn't mean she is."

"She's one tough broad Andrew she's in good hands and it won't be long until she's ready to come home. I'll make sure she's well looked after."

"You know your taking over the team right?"

"Yeah, but Caine and Hobble can do the job until I'm back, I've got some WCC Presidential stuff to care of before I get back anyway."

"Alright, Do they know?"

"Yeah they're fine with it, they want to show that they can do better... and so let's give 'em a chance,alright?"

"alright, well see you when you get back, let me know if anything happens, alright?"

"righto, I'll talk to you later, bye."

"bye."

And so the conversation finished... he was mother-less for at least a few matches, but there was nothing that he could do. He needed to concentrate on the task at hand. Soon he released the schedule for the matches...

vs. Minilla Island @ Georgetown Nova Stadium
vs. Beer Served Here @ Sea Bazalope Arena
@ Ad'ihan
vs. Dino's Pizza @ Trevton City Enclosed Field
@ Sel Appa
vs. Sorthern Northland @ Via Voleta Dome
@ Carcim
---
@ Minilla Island
@ Beer Served Here
vs. Ad'ihan @ TeleBaz Arena
@ Dino's Pizza
vs. Sel Appa @ CBBC Dome
@ Sorthern Northland
vs. Carcim @ Drago Soccer Field.

"What's this?!" queried Bob Tresgovsken, the Bazor 2 representative of FAIL Perhaps this was odd or perhaps he wasn't but there just happened to be no one but the courier there who dropped off the little package for FAIL.

"What you're asking me, how the bloody heck would I know, I'm just the courier." the courier replied getting the necessary signature and then disappearing quickly as if he was in danger of catching the plague or something.

Bob just shruged and looked around for Narin who was busy trying to chat up the receptionist... quite ironic in that he kept failing at that task. "When are you just going to give up Narin, she's not going to go for you."

"You never know what can happen in FAIL I might succeed one day."

"or continue to fail like you have been since you took this job a few months ago."

"Anyway, what do you have there?"

"No idea, I haven't even opened it yet."

He ripped the package open... There was a letter in it that read as follows

Congratulations FAIL!

YOU HAVE WON!!!

2 weeks ago FAIL was nominated for best new startup in the Confused Identities of Yafalonia and Bazor 2, a competition ran by NoChoice Magazine. Which co-incidently are us, the people sending you this package, however as the package that we sent you cost the entire budget of the competition we cannot offer you a ceremony or any cash prize however appart from this letter is a snazy brochure about Rupert Packer enterprises. Publisher of NoChoice if you would like more information about our services available to you please don't hesitate to ring us at the contact details provided.

Thank you and once again congratulations for winning!


"Did we even enter?" Narin asked

"I think Your half-brother's mother had a 3rd cousin 3 times removed that worked for them. I'm pretty sure they entered us." suggested Bob

"Ah, well, anyway what a crapy prize, a letter and a piece of commercial propaganda, How I ever got on without it." whined Narin

"Hey, there's something else in here..." said a suprised Bob...

"It's a key with the number 42 on it." Just moments later a man brushed by, carryinig a multi-coloured beach towel and what looked like a book, it seemed to be called "Don't Panic", well that was the large letters printed on the cover of it.

"Damn mice, If I see them again I'm going to stomp on them." this stranger said before disappearing again.

"Alright, he's a patient short of a hospital that guy... who walks around with a towel on their shoulder..."

"Any about the key, I wonder what it opens, I guess we'll find out."

*A random voice over* And so will you tune in next week as we continue our story of FAIL's Galaxy.

"Huh who said that?" queried Bob before the screen turned blank

"And who turned out the lights" complained Narin.

BRENO GAVIÃO - "Welcome again to Mesa do Esporte, our diary sports program in Globo Multimedia! Here we discuss about domestic football, foreign football and international football. And, of course, we have ten minutes for the other sports, as volleyball, handball and bowls, our other popular sports. If you have luck, you can hear news about basketball, tennis and swimming here too. Mesa do Esporte starts now!"

(music, introduction video)

BRENO - "Good evening!"

ERIC VALVERDE - (the other presenter) "Good evening!"

LUCIANA DE NICOLA - (the e-mail girl) "Today many news. First, we'll talk about the tenth round of the National League, which was played yesterday. The results of the games in other countries too. But, the most important thing is surely the World Cup qualifying draw."

VALVERDE - "Yes, this is a special edition of this program, we'll see the opponents that will face Cafundéu, the Monopolists in this first stage of this World Cup. Which teams will challenge the first seed?"

VALVERDE - "And let's present our guests. First, the reporter Sílvio Ruiz."

RUIZ - "Thanks for the invitation."

BRENO - "The assistant coach of the National Team, Ganz Ijak!"

IJAK - "It's a pleasure to come here."

DE NICOLA - "The Petardos S/A attacker Lennie Newton!"

NEWTON - "Another World Cup... I love this time of the season."

IJAK - "Because the Cafundelense league games are stopped during the cup and you can take a rest?"

NEWTON - (cold) "No."

IJAK - "It was just a joke."

BRENO - "And, the last one is the model and actrrrrress Aline Monte Carrrrrlo!"

ALINE - (smiling to the cameras) "I'm happy to be here."

BRENO - "Let's go now to our commerrrrrcial brrrrreak."

(after 30 minutes, 5 commercial breaks, comments about Clube Imperial's loss to União Trabalhadora in the last round of the league and other discussions, it was time to discuss about the group draw)

BRENO - "Time for Worrrrrld Cup!"

VALVERDE - "Time for the Monopolists!"

DE NICOLA - "News about the red-black team!"

(music, introduction video of the "NT Time")

BRENO - "The grrrrrrrrroup draw happened yesterrrrrday."

(video showing the draw, interviews with famous people, etc)

VALVERDE - (caught sleeping, woke up with speed) "So, let's now see Cafundéu's group in the World Cup qualifying."

Group 5
Cafundéu (12)
Jasīʼyūn (23)
Yafor 2 (26)
Casari (46)
Solenial (67)
Acapais (114)
Loutra oreas Elenis (156)
The Supermarket (UNR)

BRENO - "Sílvio, can you make some comments about the grrrrroup?"

RUIZ - "Surely, my friend. Although this group isn't an easy one, I don't really see much difficulties here. We didn't get one of the strongest second seeds, although it's one that has a good record against us and can make our life difficult. But the fact is that the group is very balanced, and Cafundéu, as the first seed, can take advantage with that."

BRENO - "How?"

RUIZ - "You can see Jasīʼyūn, Yafor two and Casari battling to qualify. If you put Cafundéu there too, there are four teams for three places. As the Monopolists are the strongest team, we start with advantage. These other three teams will fight a lot to win points, so it'll be difficult to see a team with perfect form in this group, everyone will lose games."

BRENO - "Interrrrresting point of view, but this means that Cafundéu can also have prrrrrroblems in this arrrrrea."

RUIZ - "Maybe."

VALVERDE - "Now about the opponents, Ganz. What about Jasīʼyūn?"

IJAK - "Normally I'd say that we were lucky with the draw, as Jasīʼyūn isn't one of the strongest second seeds, so this is a good point. But we have a problem here. We don't have a good record against them. Two losses in World Cup thirty-seven qualifiers, we didn't know how to play against them. Maybe Braddock can suit the team to play these two important games, I'm confident, but we have to be cautious. The draw could have been worse, of course, but it won't be an easy game."

BRENO - "Lennie, do you have anything to say about Yafor two?"

NEWTON - "Hmm... Yafor two. The strongest third seed. You know, when we say something like this, it looks like Cafundéu was extremely unlucky. But, to tell you the truth, I'd be less comfortable with a third seed like Vephrall, The Archregimancy or Kura-Pelland. But, of course, it won't be easy. I think that Cafundéu has the quality to defeat Yafor two without many problems, but only time can answer this. They have some talented players, some of them even play here..."

DE NICOLA - "Aline, can you say something about Casari?"

ALINE - (who does understand nothing about football) "What's Casari?"

BRENO - "How can you not know Casari? They werrrrre Cup of Harrrrrmony champions, give a lot of worrrrrk to the top teams!"

ALINE - "Sorry, I... Casari... I think that I travelled to there once... no, it was Castela, in the Dunboor state."

DE NICOLA - "Aline, Casari is a nation."

VALVERDE - "Well, Sílvio, you can answer this one for Aline, can't you?"

RUIZ - "Another complicated opponent. That's why I said that there will be a tough battle for the qualifying places, but I think that Cafundéu isn't likely to lose its spot. So, two places for three nations, it'll be difficult. I will love to see Cafundéu playing against Casari. Our team isn't very peaceful, and so are theirs. Some red cards, some injuries, some provocations, I know that some Cafundelense players love to provocate the opponent. They are going to be exciting games."

BRENO - "Ganz Ijak, idol of Cafundéu, do you have something to say about Solenial?"

IJAK - "We have played them before, and they have a weak team. Cafundéu easily defeated them in the previous games, and it'll happen now again, I believe. I can't see them giving us much work, but maybe they can take some points from our direct opponents."

VALVERDE - "I understand. Newton, what about Acapais?"

NEWTON - "You know, Eric. I like Acapais. When I was playing in Wentland's National Team, Acapais qualified for the World Cup. Then, didn't qualify for the World Cup in Cafundéu and in the UCS, and after that disappeared. They had a talented team, some fast and intelligent players. But now things can be different. I think that the Monopolists can secure six points against them, unless they show the talent of the past. Can surprise some other teams, win some points, but, against Cafundéu, it'll be difficult for them to surprise."

BRENO - "Sílvio, anything about Loutrrrrra orrrrreas Elenis?"

RUIZ - "What?"

BRENO - "Loutrrrrra orrrrreas Elenis."

RUIZ - "Is this thing a food?"

BRENO - "No, it's a team."

RUIZ - "Oh, I see. Don't know them."

DE NICOLA - "Aline, any comments about The Supermarket?"

ALINE - "Sorry, Luciana, I don't go shopping. My maid does it for me. The last time I went to a supermarket was last month with my boyfriend, when we had to buy some drinks for a party with some friends. A supermarket is an interesting place, there is lot of things to buy, lots of nice people, I had to give many autographs, but I'm not suited to these public places. I once participated in an ad for a supermarket, the Gigantão. It was a nice ad."

DE NICOLA - "I'm not talking about a supermarket. I'm talking about The Supermarket."

ALINE - "The Supermarket? Is it a new one? They are a bit arrogant in this name, what do they have that the other supermarkets doesn't?"

DE NICOLA - "Forget about that. Ganz?"

IJAK - "Don't know much about them. They seem to have a lot of options in the team, maybe can get some points."

BRENO - "Thanks. Now, let's see Cafundéu's schedule."

The schedule:

FR01 - Cafundéu x Valanora
MD01 - Cafundéu x Loutra oreas Elenis
MD02 - Acapais x Cafundéu
MD03 - Cafundéu x Casari
MD04 - Yafor 2 x Cafundéu
MD05 - Cafundéu x JSY
MD06 - The Supermarket x Cafundéu
MD07 - Cafundéu x Solenial
FR02 - Candelaria And Marquez x Cafundéu
MD08 - Loutra oreas Elenis x Cafundéu
MD09 - Cafundéu x Acapais
MD10 - Casari x Cafundéu
MD11 - Cafundéu x Yafor 2
MD12 - JSY x Cafundéu
MD13 - Cafundéu x The Supermarket
MD14 - Solenial x Cafundéu

Stadiums used:

FR01 - Olímpico Imperial, in Lux (cap. 80,000)
MD01 - Arena América, in Abadia (cap. 100,000)
MD03 - Presídio, in Carandirú City (cap. 77,500)
MD05 - Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (cap. 220,000)
MD07 - Estádio Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, in Espinal (cap. 60,000)
MD09 - Maracatuzão, in Dunboor (cap. 135,000)
MD11 - Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta (cap. 180,000)
MD13 - Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (cap. 220,000)
FR03 (if scheduled) - C-Electronics Stadium, in Astari (cap. 80,000)

Info about stadiums (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12955129&postcount=537)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CARLOS ALBERTO GUJABRE'S PREDICTIONS
Who will qualify?

Predictions - order of final standings according to Carlos Alberto Gujabre

Milchama Group - Group 1
Milchama
Kura-Pelland
Quakmybush
St Samuel
Prux
Fujisawan Territories
Violitism
Rugiero

Bettia Group - Group 2
The Holy Empire
Bettia
Vephrall
Hopeless SC
Dancougar
Taeshan
Komekong
Kalmykstan

Demot Group - Group 3
Jeruselem
Demot
The Archregimancy
Scotchpinestan
The Pazhujeb Islands
Blouman Empire
Magnus Valerius
Evil Polish Donors

Squornshelous Group - Group 4
Squornshelous
Wentland
Jeru FC
Novapsolu
Rejistania
Algal states
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Naboombu Umbongo

Cafundéu Group - Group 5
Cafundéu
Casari
Jasīʼyūn
Yafor 2
Acapais
Solenia
The Supermarket
Loutra oreas Elenis

Zwangzug Group - Group 6
Zwangzug
Qazox
Estresse Intenso
Starblaydia
Lovisa
Samcoa
Wing Wang Woo
Minilla Island West

Sel Appa Group - Group 7
Sel Appa
Bazalonia
Ad'ihan
Sorthern Northland
Beer Served Here
Minilla Island
Carcim
Dinos Pizza

Ariddia Group - Group 8
Ariddia
Bostopia
Daehanjeiguk
Ulzaxid
Krytenia
Green Wombat
Cadarnia
Bull_horns_rule

Az-cz Group - Group 9
Az-cz
Candelaria And Marquez
Northern Bettia
Nire and Nire
Endmile
Jariss
Wavispa
Gweridijongya

Tynelia Group - Group 10
Oliverry
Tynelia
Kelssek
The Islands of Qutar
Dance 2 Revolution
Bonto
McPsychoville
Ashlaea

[i]Reports from the News Stand...

Taken from little known Milchaman publication "International Minor Sporting Nations Times-Explorer-Chronicle-Gazette-Bugle-Informer-Post-Observer-Herald-Star-Telegraph-News-Today...[/b]

SUPERMARKET ENTERS WORLD CUP!

The World Cup 39 Qualifying Draw took place with a name that was as unexpected and unlikely as possible.

The demise of The Turkic Shahdom from the original entrants means that a replacement needs to be found for the draw, and the first reserve on the WCC's list is a nation called "The Supermarket".

But who are they? Well, they claim to be a micronation somewhere in Atlantian Oceania. The nation is governed by humans known as "staff" and have a small army of about ten called "security". However, the main populace appear to be enlargened versions of everyday supermarket products.

So, not only may we see the day that a Giant Zucchini plays in the World Cup once again (for the record, there are none in the current squad), but we will be seeing giant cakes, beer bottles and whatever else takes your fancy taking on the world's football elite.

Before the draw, the team's manager, a trolley going by the name of Tommy, showed off the team's kits for the forthcoming campaign (shown below).

http://www.hondtat.com/shopping_images/stripe.jpg

Tommy said, "I think you'll agree that these are kits that our players will feel comfortable in, while making them distinct from the opposition," in a way that figured that they weren't already.

The Supermarket have been drawn into Group Five, where their chances are rated as "none" to make it through to the World cup Finals. Here's a look at the opposition...

Acapais will be The Supermarket's first opponents at the Car Park. They haven't been involved in the last couple of cups, and will be making up for lost time when they visit. They should easily overcome the newcomers, despite being one of the weakest teams they will face.

This will be followed by a trip to a nation that has actually won the World Cup, Casari. However, in all their years of playing, we doubt they'll have seen anything like this lot. Even though they're not the forse they once were, they should easily win.

It won't get any easier as Yafor 2 visit the Car Park next. At this point, it could start feeling like a very long campaign is heading their way.

Just to make it worse, the Jasī'yūn association of the UCS will be the next trip. They might have slowly risen towards the levels of their main rivals Capitalizt SLANI over the years, but against our products... easy!

Only a slight respite follows, as Solenial visit the car park. They've got off to a half-decent start in the international arena, and half-decent clearly beats useless.

Next come Cafundéu, top seeds in the group who are expected to wipe the floor with everyone in the group. The cleaning products in the team should be warned...

The Supermarket's best chance of scoring any points whatsoever comes against Loutra oreas Elenis, who participated in the Baptism of Fire, but proved to be as much use as... well, a pile of shopping. Should be a close game, then.

Meanwhile, Tommy Trolley mentioned a possibility of a World Cup legend joining the team in future.

"Anyone who could appear on the shelves of a supermarket is eligible to play for us, as long as they enter through the goods enterance," he said. However, when asked who might be coming, he said he couldn't say, leading to suspicions that the Giant Zucchini with the really long and unpronouncable name could well end up in the squad. Even though he must be over a hundred years old by now.

Maybe not, then.

“Agent Jones get in here!” Agent Smith demanded from his desk as he looked over Tynelia’s World Cup group.

“Yes sir.” Agent Jones replied as he hurried into his superior’s office.

“First of all. Why aren’t you Coach this time? You got us to the knockouts your first time and to the semis last time. It should have been an easy play for you to get in this time around yet I see Tina Conroy is the Coach. Explain.” Smith said coolly.

“Well sir, it was mostly the fault of those Andrews backers in the TSF. The Tynelian Soccer Federation insisted on having an open ballot between the four candidates among all of its members to ensure nothing untoward took place like last Cup’s disqualification of Andrews.” Jones began.

“Yes go on. I know about this already.” Smith answered impatiently.

“As I said, despite his being a religious nut, Andrews had strong support among the membership. Some because they thought he did well and claimed it was his efforts more than my own that got us to the semis. Others were frightened by what happened with the Archregimancy after they tried to strike down their holy soccer ball.”

“Yes I know the failure of those crazy monks to make the Cup since they did that religious banishment thing a few cups back. Do you mean to say people in the TSF are so gullible that they think that will happen to su if they didn’t pick him?” Smith went on incredulously.

“I’m afraid so sir. So after the first few ballots his support didn’t budge. We were nearly even thanks to the government’s official endorsement of me and Conroy was third but a bit behind us. Sullivan was getting nearly no backing. After he dropped out most of his support went to Conroy and things stalemated. Then my sources revealed that some of Conroy’s people were considering jumping to Andrews’ side which would have put him over the 50% needed to win the job.” Jones continued.

“Why didn’t they back you?” Smith asked.

“I believe it was because of the press blackout in World Cup 37 where we tried to keep everything under wraps. Seems to have hurt our standing in some quarters. People wanted to follow us this time around due to the near miss last time and our rise into the top ten overall.” Jones explained.

“So what happened next?” Smith prodded.

“Well sir, after consulting with Agent Adams and Agent Adams we agreed that Conroy was the lesser of the two evils since it was clear my candidacy was destined to fail. She is an unknown as a coach but was popular as a player and a far better option than risking Andrews taking us to the championships. So I contacted her discreetly and asked her to keep her supporters backing her for one more vote though did not say why, then I ordered my people to support her and she won the majority on the next vote. I assume she has suspected afterwards what I had done, according to her files she has an IQ in the top 16% in the country. However she did not make an issue of it afterwards indicating political reliability.” Jones concluded.

“So you are confident things are under control?”

“Yes sir, Agent White has again been inserted onto the squad to watch things from within like last time. Her play has improved that few question her presence this time around.” Jones finished.

“Very well then. As our expert in the field what can you tell me of these other teams? Some names seem familiar. I notice those Ox lovers are jealous of our rise to prominence, I wish for this to continue.” Smith pointed out before gesturing for Jones to begin.

“Yes sir, our main competition will be Oliverry. That have long been an elite squad and this is in fact the first time we actually have a higher rank than they do. No doubt they will wish to put our ‘upstart’ selves back in our place. A dangerous pair of matches. A familiar foe Dance 2 revolution is the next major competition. However it can be said that other than Bettia it seems we have played this team more than any other. So both teams will be familiar with each other. They may have been ranked as high as us but had a brief run of poor showings which hurt their chances some time back.”

“And the rest?”

“McPsychoville, after no doubt some sort of internal power struggle has returned to the Cup but their squad is a shadow of what they once were, I would not consider them a major risk at this time. The Islands of Qatar is another familiar opponent which has been stuck in the upper third of the ranks for some time now. They may be able to surprise us but appear to be inconsistent from Cup to Cup. As for the rest, Bonto is making their debut and Ashlaea and Kelssek are more recent Cup squads, Kelssek seems to be the more promising of the two.”

“So your projections for this group Agent Jones?”

“I forsee no difficulty in advancing to the Cup proper sir. I expect Oliverry to be the main obstacle between us and a group win. I do think Kelssek will surprise some teams and finish third. They are an up and coming team while D2R and Qatar seem to be spinning their wheels some.” Jones finished looking up from his notes.

“Very well then Agent Jones. For a change I think this Cup will be in good hands. Keep me posted.” Smith said in a tone indicating the meeting was over.

“Yes sir.” Jones replied as he turned and left the office.

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

Qualifiers Draw Announced

Jariss’ return to the World Cup seems to have offended someone on the drawing committee as the team found out that the two time defending World Cup champions Az-cz are at the top of the group draw in our return. The road ahead seems tough with only two teams ranked below us in the group. However the two teams ranked ahead of us are not alarmingly higher so there is grounds for hope there.

In fact there is some hope for a quick start as Jariss plays three of its first four matches at home, with the first three providing reasonable chances of wins or at least some points before the three headed monster hits as we face Northern Bettia, Az-cz and Candelaria And Marquez, the top three seeds, all in a row. Most sources believe the team will finish in the second half of the division at best and no one is expecting our team to make any sort of run at a qualifying spot as we nearly managed in our last attempt in World Cup 36.

Do not be discouraged fellow Jarissians! Though we had missed two Cups before this one our ranking had only dropped 30 spots showing that this could very well be a time of parity in international play as few teams seem able to storm up the ranks unlike in years past. With that in mind a scrappy defensive squad with something to play for could very well shock the world and perform above and beyond all expectations.

Other teams are playing for pride and glory. We are coming to play for our loved ones and those dearly missed. Let the matches begin!

It wasn’t raining in Songstress, which was a pity because there’s a rather nice song about it that even made the top 75 in Scotchpinestan in 1986 and would make a lovely accompaniment to any scene set in that there district of Albrecht, the mildly diverting capital city of the Republic of Candelaria And Marquez which is even less exciting than it sounds.

Following that opening sentence of dickensian proportions; let us dip down ‘neath the fluffy white clouds – taking a keen interest in the weather which happens to be ‘fair’ at the current time – and let our eyes set upon Lyndon Hernández, Chair of the House of Representative’s All-Party Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought, as he sits outside a bistro with Sukie Rohaert, a part-time pathologist and full-time contentedly baffled person and all-round superfluous character.

“I mean, bashically,” Hernández says through a mouthful of an unspecified bread product in what will be the last time the irritating third-person singular simple present indicative form will be employed today, “Ish just a distreshingly eashy group.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard of half of them,” Sukie conceded.

The minister swallowed. “’Snot easy for me you understand. I mean, it’s the gnomes. Again. I don’t mind telling you I employed the full gamet of my bilingual box of swear words when that came out of the hat.”

“At least it gives you something to do, though? You’d’ve been just as grotty if they hadn’t drawn anyone interesting. No elves, no dwarfs–”

“Dwarves, technically.”

“No Cucumbers or Baguettes…”

“Mm, there were high-level discussions about the cucumber.”

“No man-sized herrings, no pre-pubsescent wonderkids, no monksfromanalternatedimension… You’d’ve thrown a right strop.”

“Yes, alright… I’ve still got to insert the scientists going on about endemic non-neurological congenital hypothyroidism onto every news programme and talk show on the air, though. And try and stop the little buggers actually talking to anyone. They’d love to make things as difficult for us as possible… It’s a pity we’re not playing against them and Jariss back-to-back, get the media all focused on showing solidarity and whatnot with a fellow storm-ravaged nation. Not that you can compare our two experiences, obviously. Although the bloody Mercury will still try, no doubt.”

“What about the gogs?” Sukie, who had been boning up on this sort of thing, asked.

“Oh, they’re harmless. Nobody’s going to believe in voodoo whatever happens, and we’ve banned their fans from travelling.”

“That’ll stop them?” Sukie asked doubtfully.

“Hm? Nah, ‘course not. It’s going to be a right bloodbath. But that’s happily not my responsibility. It’s Allen’s* job. Or Rueben’s**. Or Ziya’s***, if things go really badly. Or Ben-Cara’s†, if it comes to it. Nire might be slightly unpleasant as well. And Nire. Oh, and Wavispa too,” he tutted.

“Who are they, anyway?”

“I’ve got no idea. Neither have they by the look of their roster. But all things considered it could’ve been a lot worse. The gnomes have been in the news enough recently what with their World Cup wins. We can’t ignore them, worse luck, but at least it means people won’t question the sudden arrival of all these little fellas.”

“Oh, quite certainly, but–”

“And at least they can’t be naked, over here.”

“Mm, no, I really do see your point, and–”

“The cost of the counselling for the last set of C&M away fans, blimey…”

“LYNDON!”

“What?!”

“Masonry.”

“¿Que?”

“As in ‘Falling’.”

“Sukie, you’ve really lost me now, I–”

The minister was rudely interrupted by a large THUNK and a cloud of dust. He brushed a coating off his jacket and viewed the remains of the plastic table dispassionately, after the regrettable moment where he’d jumped backwards and shrieked like a girl. Sukie gave him a sour look.

“Oh, what?”

“This is your fault, y’know. In a non-specific sort of way.”

“Since when have I been Minister for Structural Wotzit?” he asked as they edged away from the quietly tottering building.

“Your government, then. It’s been months since Hurricane Neil and we still have to live in fear of a stray brick falling on our heads.”

“It’s barely been weeks, Sukie. And there is a whole country to clean up, not just Albrecht.”

“Stop being a politician, Hernández. You can hardly call it weeks!”

“No…?”

“It was right at the end of the Di Bradini… And that was… that was quite a while ago now, wasn’t it?”

“Ah, the glory of time dilation, Sukie.”

“Alright, hang on… You’re saying that because a football tournament was pushed back in time, a bloody hurricane was as well?!”

“No… Just your memories of it. The Devices have to restructure anything that ceases to make sense following a shift. They change the dates on newspapers, and their contents… And millions of peoples’ memories, if needs be. It’s quite easy to think through it, mind you. Where were you when the Neil struck?”

“Watching the final, like you told me to.”

“And what else? Boarding up windows, that kind of thing?”

“Yes.”

“Really? And what were you doing on the fifteenth of January, pray tell?”

“Um… I can’t…”

“Boarding up windows and whatnot?”

“Yes… Yes I was, ‘cos it was me dad’s birthday but…” She rubbed her head. “I can’t remember why.”

“Because the hurricane was also coming then. The Devices can’t alter facts like that. Don’t try and think about it too much, really.”

“Is that… Is that why it always seems to me like you’ve been at the MORT for years…? I mean, you were saying that you were dealing with the gnomes last time they came here, but that… Well, it seems like months ago, but it… couldn’t… have been.”

“Seriously niña, it’ll give you a headache. It was months ago. It was just… also six years ago, as you say.”

“But… I remember de Almeida talking about their visit when she was still Foreign Minister…”

“And do you remember Eric White going on about ‘em too? Rather more recently”

“Yes… Wow. This is weird.”

“Try being me these last few months.”

“But… The power of something like that! All for bloody football?!”

“I wouldn’t say all for but… Anyway,” he started brusquely. “I’ve got to make plans. I need to do a recce in Az-cz, and then I’ve got to go and check out the ESF first hand. It’ll be awful if we end up playing there, it really will. Pointy ears as far as the eye can see…” The Minister shuddered. “I’ve got to go to Liverpool England first, obviously, but…”

“Why?”

“The Ad’ihan friendly. It’s in City Centre, what with all their problems just now.”

“I know, but why do you need to go? They’re perfectly normal over there, aren’t they?”

“Oh, certainly. But they roll out the red carpet for me over there, and I’m not one to say no to a bit of hospitality. Really does make me wonder if their government isn’t as duplicitous as us, but Dan maintains there’s nothing untoward going on. Besides, that nice Justin Hunt from the AOS sent me an invite. I think he’s a bit sweet on me, to be honest.”

“Ooh, a bit o’ omnisexuality for yeh there. You’re getting very Torchwood in your dotage, aren’t you?”

“You should see me stand on a roof. Although possibly not just now…” Hernández added as a group of miscellaneous ethnic shopkeepers and barmen busied themselves clearing up fallen brickwork.

And so the camera pans away from our, if not heroes, then certainly protagonists; and up into the Albrecht sky. The weather, for those who are keeping tabs on such things, is much the same as last we discussed the matter. No storm clouds are gathering. This may be a pity in the long run, although I haven’t entirely decided yet.

__________________

*Minister for Law Reform, Prisons and the Police, Allen Mainge
**Minister for Social Affairs, Reuben Queseda
***Minister for Health, Ziya Black
†Minister for Defence, Reuben-Caroline Eliot

Gathered outside the national stadium of the Hatire Memorial in Capri, thousands of the Marauders supporters were buzzing as a tall well-dressed elf walked up to the podium.

"Welcome ladies, gentlemen, children, and friends. Following the immencely succesful draw last week that went off without many hiccups, make sure you check your juice next time Mr. Jumang, I'm here to give the annual state of the squad address." Elran Tridaid took a sip of his water and looked to his right. There stood the easily recongizable figure of Asanta Webber, manager of the Premiership's Rinaldi Gunners. Looking back towards the gathered masses, Elran was hesistant of how the crowd would react to the news.
"The first order of business is to announce the hiring of the new manager. We spent several months looking up and interviewing possible canidates. All those hours brought us down to two highly touted individuals who both could of made fine managers for our squad. Dwier Titenburg, the former player and assistant manager, and Asanta Webber, whom has been managing the national teams that have played in the Oriental Cups and your own Rinaldi Gunners. It was a quite difficult decision to make, espicially considering Titenburg's relationship with the fans and squad, but in the end, we went with the expierence of winning titles, and that is something Webber brought to the table."
The crowd was deathly silent, and it seemed to poor Elran like it would be a good time to mark the fastest escape route. Yet as he was about to make his move, a journalist in the front row began to clap, and slowly the rest of the gathered mass embraced the decision with their applause. Wiping the sweat from his brow, Elran continued on,
"The second matter is our kits. After changing kits last tournament, having had used the same kits for nearly twenty-eight years, we have decided to have our kitmakers in Krytenia make us a new batch this tournament. This comes in responce to many angry letters and e-mails, yes I'm looking at you Ron Santapa, about the lack of imagination in the home kit. As such, our gracious kitmakers went back to a similiar design used in World Cups 30-37, as well as modifying the alternate and away kits slightly. I have with me the lovely Kawi Marl in the home kit, the remarkable Laborious Hawk in the alternate, and the young Anti Fresco here in the away kit to show off the new designs. I shall let Webber now address you all."

As the three players and the new manager walk up to the platform, there is a loud round of applause, espicially for Kawi Marl. Not only was the winger a great athlete, but she was also one of the most beautiful women in the nation. Unfortunately for the batchelors of the country, she and Severus Snape of FC Capri recently announced their engagement. Webber, dressed in a silver suit with a navy tie and black shoes took the microphone.

"Now, I know for some of you, my appointment might be a tad disappointing, espicially considering how much of a hero Dwier is amongst the populace. He is a good friend of mine, and I would of supported him all the way if he was given the position instead of I, so I understand your sentiments. However, I have proven at the club and international level that I know how to get squads to perform and to win titles. I promise you that I will live up to my merits and I will bring that beautiful trophy home to this great stadium of ours. I do not back down from challanges, and I do not expect our team to either. As a result, I've already scheduled a few tests in friendlies as we will not have the luxury of getting the rust off in qualification. Next week we travel to the mighty nation of Cafundeu, there our lads will test their mettle against one of the world's best nations and we will see how much we must prepare for coming tournament.

Remember my friends, we now have the luxury and responsibility of being hosts to the most grand of tournaments in our sport. I expect you, my honorable countrymen and women to do your part in making this one of the best tournaments in recent memory. Be gracious as we are towards each other to our guests once they arrive, and I have little doubt that they shall return the favor and speak highly of thus once they depart for their homelands. Do this while I do my part in achieving our dreams on the pitch, and we will know that Elune will be smiling down upon us from the Gray Havens, blessing us with her gifts."

THE WORLD CUP DRAW
Or
THE FOLLY OF BEING COMFORTED

By Guillermo B. Yeatses

ONE that is ever kind said yesterday:
'Your beloved team drew Dancougar today,
And Komekong, Kalmykstan are other ties.
Time can but make it easier to be wise
Thus qualification seems possible, and so
All that you need is patience.'

Heart cries, 'No,
I have not a crumb of comfort, not a grain.
For it seems that we must play Bettia again:
Because of that great ability of theirs
Victory ‘gainst both them and Veprall might be rare
And Hopeless SC are dangerous.' She had not seen these ways
When all qualification was in her gaze.

Heart! O heart! if she'd but turn her head,
She'd know the folly of being comforted.

Thoril Forgedawn sat at his large study in his luxurious house in the sprawling capital of Skyhaven. Only the lamp on the right corner of his desk and faint glow of the comptuer monitor gave any light off in the large house. Despite him and the rest of the Demot national team having a match just twelve hours later, at noon, Thoril could not force himself to get any measure of sleep or relaxtion. Despite the squad getting a relatively decent draw, with only those whores of Jeruselem and the complicated Monks to deal with in any serious matter, Thoril was quite disturbed. The clever veteran striker was getting up there in age, his wife of eight years and thier two year old son being killed in that horrible plane crash two months before, and with his good friend in David Masteron resigning from the position of manager, Thoril's life was in absolute chaos.

He had pleaded with Floorin not to call him up, he knew if he was that his honor would not let him refuse his country. He begged the new manager to let him be, let him have his time to grieve and recover. Even his domestic side had let him take the season off. Yet Floorin would not grant the striker the repreive that he was seeking, and even named him a starter to boot. He had no idea how he was going to make it through these upcoming months and not come unwraveled. He couldn't help but cry when he found a picture that young Horagian had made just three days before he and his mother passed away. Thoril was standing outside the house kicking a ball to his young son outside their house, while his mother was watching from the steps on the door. On the back, there was even a little note,
"I lurv my dadde and mi momme. They our so sweet and nize to me. Dadde is teachin me how to plae footbal and momme is teachin me how to do math and how to reed."
It was true, they were teaching their son a few of their strengths. With Thoril being the superstar footy player that he was, he was seeing if his son had the same affinity, skill, and love for the sport. Isalla, the president of the First Bank of Demot, was seeing if her son had the same way with numbers that she possessed. Remarkably, Horagian had displayed gifts in both fields. They decided that they would take him to Valanari in Elves Security Forces and see if he could be enrolled in their Academy once he turned five. It was on that trip that Thoril lost them both, and now was alone in the world. His clubmates wished him well, but they were not close enough to lean on. The only person who was, was David Masteron, but he was too busy trying to run the Demot domestic leagues, that he had not the time to do so.

So Thoril looked at his monitor once again. There were over 1 billion results for his search of reincarnation and raising the dead. One of them stuck out like a sore thumb "Harthgate the Enlightened ~ Occupation: Druid ~ Location: 1189 Horas Ave, 78821, Druidinian, Demot ~ Specialization: Convening with the Alesian Fields". Could it be that Thoril's former teammate held the knowledge on how to talk to and perhaps bring back his family? He had always wondered why he was referred to as the Enlightened, but he never dared ask his druid companion. One thing was for certain, if he was to pursue this course of action further, his rest would be needed. And so he flicked off the monitor, turned off the light, and traveled the few steps over his bed and fell into an erie sleep.

Predictions in order of predicted final
The holy empire- second time we drew them not going to be easy
Bettia- Never played them should be hard
Taeshan- We might qualify/Kura pelland-will be close
Hopeless sc-Should contend for middle
Dancougar-team looks good on the tube
Komekong
Kalmykstan-beat us in Oriental cup

http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/2104/800pxmorningstartitleqe4.gif (http://imageshack.us)

Fixture list announced

The FASN have today announced the fixture list for the World Cup qualifying campaign. The Sortherners have a less than favourable start travelling to Adi'han for an away game, but return back home for a should win game against Dinos Pizza in the second game.

The most exciting fixture news for Sorthern fans though has to be the Beer Served Here matches. The first game between the two sides will be the opening game at the brand new White Cliff stadium and the FASN has announced that all tickets for this match will be free. It is expected that all 80,000 tickets will be gone within minutes of being released. Meanwhile the away game will be the final game of qualifying. A Sorthern fan said, "I can't wait for the Beer Served Here games, I'm defiantly going up to Snowspire to see the new stadium. But it's the away game I'm really looking forward too. The name sounds promising and they use the Irish tri-colour as their flag, surely a good sign. Right at the end of qualifying as well, if we go through where else could be better for a party and if we don't where else could be better to drown our sorrows?"
Fixtures

(h)= a home game.
(a)= a away game.

MD01: Ad'ihan (a) @ National Stadium, CCL, Liverpool England.
MD02: Dinos Pizza (h) @ James Connolly Stadium, Beningrad.
MD03: Sel Appa (a)
MD04: Minilla Island (a)
MD05: Carcim (h) @ Estadio Fidel Castro, Castrograd.
MD06: Bazalonia (a) Via Voleta Dome.
MD07: Beer Served Here (h) @ White Cliff, Snowspire.
MD08: Ad'ihan (h) @ James Connolly Stadium, Beningrad.
MD09: Dinos Pizza (a)
MD10: Sel Appa (h) @ Estadio Fidel Castro, Castrograd.
MD11: Minilla Island (h) @ White Cliff, Snowspire.
MD12: Carcim (a)
MD13: Bazlonia (h) @ James Connolly Stadium, Beningrad.
MD14: Beer Served Here (a)

All home friendlies before qualifying will be held at Estadio Fidel Castro.
All home friendlies during the mid-qualifying break will be held at White Cliff.

Two women - an attractive Jewish girl and a saucy young version of Dazza Dallas.

Kara: I'm Kara Kool, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. First one for World Cup 39 or as these Romans here call it - XXXIX.
Jacinta: I'm Jacinta Dallas, replacing my sister Kate who is now the Queen. So Kara is going get a hard time from me instead.
Kara: Yes, you can't escape these Ariddians.
Jacinta: Too right there Kara.

Kara: Back to the football! Jeruselem were placed in Group 3, while our army boys and one girl were placed in Group 4.
Jacinta: Jeruselem and Jeru FC got treated quite nicely really.
Kara: No Qazox! Yes, we avoided them.
Jacinta: No Bostopia either, thank God.

Kara: Group has our Jeru FC but who else? Top seed is 5th ranked Squornshelous. They are always a chance for a cup but never seem to get there. Some Gnomes got in the way last cup.
Jacinta: Hacker's team of ... err ... girls I think are ranked 15th. Yes, spot below Jeruselem. They are 2nd best seed here.
Kara: Novapulu come into the fray too as 3rd best and Jeru FC are 4th best seed in 49th spot.
Jacinta: So our army guys do have a chance, but face three great teams above them.

Kara: Rejistania ... yes, Rejistania are here. Ranked 60th, and maybe the dark horse here.
Jacinta: Then we have a weird named team Yafalonia and Bazor 2, like a lovechild of Yafor 2 and Bazalonia! It sounds like it anyway. Ranked over a hundred, 105.
Kara: Jacinta, you're a lovechild yourself.
Jacinta: Well, so is my sister ... but hey!

Kara: Naboombu Umbongo is here, ranked 135 ... and then Algal States returns unranked.
Jacinta: Well, I think the top 3 is clear.
Kara; Yes, but I think our army team can be 4th or give 3rd a shake.
Jacinta: With that Alfredo Neves coach, I think they can have ping at it. He won't let them be complacent.

Kara: Group 4 has our team, Jeruselem. I think this one is interesting.
Jacinta: We have unranked team called Evil Polish Donors, who will probably be last because they are Polish.
Kara: That's mean Jacinta, but I agree. Blouman Empire played on the Baptism of Fire and earn a rank of 135. I don't think they'll make an impact either.
Jacinta: Old companions Magnus Valerius are back albiet at a lousy rank of 73. They should do better this cup.

Kara: Rising star The Pazhujeb Islands are here. Can't underestimate their ability but can they survive pressure? Ranked outside top 50 at 53.
Jacinta: Scotchpinestan are just 50th, and not much between them and them islanders.
Kara: I think both started about the same time too, I think ...
Jacinta: Leaving the top 3 seeds in Group 4.

Kara: We're 2nd highest seed at 14 with top seed being Demot at 10th. Actually, this means no Ariddia or Bettia or Az-cz to bother us.
Jacinta: And in this group is ... THE ARCHREGIMANCY!
Kara: You sounded excited there.
Jacinta: I was, I want to see us take on them Monks!

Kara: So we have the World Cup 38 Ariddian coach coaching Jeruselem, a Monk from The Archregimancy of Ariddian descent coaching Ariddia and the Monks in the same group as Jeruselem.
Jacinta: This is going to be exciting!
Kara: Anyway, I think Demot and Jeruselem will be top 2. The Monks should be 3rd unless God thinks otherwise.
Jacinta: You can't but love those Monks.

Kara: I'd suggest the Monks keep away from this girl.
Jacinta: Speak for yourself, you're the top Jewish hottie.
Kara: And Jacinta's got herself a Jewish boyfriend too.
Jacinta: You're just jealous!

Kara: Big story, it's the Princesses vs the Monks. All here on JGN.
Jacinta: That's all for now. We'll talk about our friends Ariddia, Qazox, and Bostopia next time.
Kara: I'm Kara Kool
Jacinta: And I'm the Ariddian Bike! See you all later. Don't miss the Jeruselem vs Ariddia friendly. We'll be there.

OOC

Group 3
(10) Demot (roster)
(14) Jeruselem (roster)
(34) The Archregimancy (roster)
(50) Scotchpinestan (roster)
(53) The Pazhujeb Islands
(73) Magnus Valerius
(135) Blouman Empire (roster)
(UNR) Evil Polish Donors

Group 4
(5) Squornshelous
(15) Wentland
(24) Novapsolu
(49) Jeru FC
(60) Rejistania
(105) Yafalonia and Bazor 2
(135) Naboombu Umbongo
(UNR) Algal states

"Foriegn uniforms?" Hill said, looking at the brown cardboard box laying on the locker room floor, the rest of the team scattered around in similar poses.

"What was wrong with the old ones?" someone else said as an equipment manager approached with a box cutter, opening it and pulling pieces of material out of the way. With a sigh, he began checking numbers and throwing pieces of clothing towards their intended wearers.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/CAS39.png

"Dear god, these things just get worse and worse."

"I won't be able to go out in public after this." Hill said.

"Iunno, they're not so bad. They have a very touching abstract thing too them. After all, it's hard to tell what kind of crap Hydra would have us wear."

That was true. Hydra had but the team in a number of kits previously of varying uglyness and hideousness (although the World Cup 29-30 ones, in this writer's opinion, were quite stellar) and had become a bit notable around the world. However, Hydra's tenure with the national team was cancelled, for now, thanks to a juicy deal to produce the uniforms for the various Casaran County teams- one that promised much higher sales and deals, as well as a bit more visibility than a soccer team that promised waning television and sales drawing power.

Unless they won, of course. That would help stem the tide, but the team hadn't done anything four years ago, and the Cup of Harmony win before that only proved that Casarans had a short memory.

That tide would have to be reversed quickly, in an opening match in the UCS, someplace that most Casarans would probably prefer diarrhea to visiting, and promised an extremely low number of travelling fans. But, the draw's the draw, and there's nothing you can do about it.

So, off they went, if nothing other than a bit stylishly dressed.

The Kids Are Alright
Marrones defends Youth policy

There's a brisk breeze blowing on a bright winter's morning as I step out onto the main training pitch at the Jhanna Praetoran University. It has to be JPU, of course, what with Lex Panarii's involvement in youth development for both his University and his country. Betanii Marrones' voice is heard above everyone else's, piercing the air with short, sharp instructions.

"Left foot!" she barks, but Karinha has already dithered, trying to set herself up for a close-range right-footed shot on goal. Roque Bravo takes the ball off her with consummate ease, moves into space, looks up and plays a simple ball along the ground to start a free-flowing move as his side race away down the pitch. The whistle blows, however, as Marrones has a lesson to teach: class is in session.

"Don't think in the penalty area when it comes to you like that," she says, "you don't have time. Just shoot, instead, with the first body part that's available. Foot, knee, head, arse, I don't care, just get it on target." The advice is there to get the goals, to win the matches. Starblaydia's defence has always been solid, come rain or shine, but since their re-emergence after an enforced hiatus it's the strike force that has been hit-and-miss, if you'll pardon the pun.

Even with the undoubted class of forward players like Tarquin Fullbright, and Alfonso Di Angelo, Starblaydia simply haven't lit any fires going forward. They desperately need to start if they're going to have any chance of progressing to the World Cup itself. Is, however, Marrones going completely mad if she expects to do that with six Uncapped players in the squad, along with six more single digit number cap winners?

Marrones has always been one to look for the long-term plan. Each player who can gain vital experience of World Cup Qualifiers here can take their game to the next level, progress onwards and upwards and, in four years time, try and take Starblaydia to the most prestigious tournament in the world. Marrones is building something here which, if given time, could result in Starblaydia topping the world for a third time.

Take their young players, who will have to prove themselves in the future. The two-footed play-making machine that is Batou Nakamura, or the never-ending midfield engine of Jack Stafador. Fenchurch Bentley is a flying wing wizard - or rather witch - in the great tradition of Britannican football, while Lubii is herself a great striker for the future. Arkady Kaneda at the back, too, could find himself as a creative midfielder in other teams, but central defensive duties is where his ultimate talents lie. Starblaydia's kids are multi-talented and lack just one thing: experience. Fully expect them to upset the apple carts in this Qualifying campaign.

For the first time, Kura-Pelland are actually expected to qualify for a World Cup. Their auto-qualification for 38 as hosts was seen as bailing out a bad side, but now they're ranked a deceptively high 32nd, and with a domestic league fast rising in reputation, the pressure is on for them to qualify from possibly the simplest qualification group of the lot. Milchama and Quakmybush represent manageable top seeds, St Samuel lack the media attention of other sides in the fourth-seed slot like Casari and Sorthern Northland (something proven by the University of Fariynuff to have a statistically significant impact) and nobody else is going to be that dangerous in the long run. Though Prux perhaps deserve to be, and maybe the replacement of abstract shapes with wrestlers may help their utterly eccentric team.

The first match should be one of the easiest of all time, playing against one-man team Violitism. Granted, that one player is a superstar criminal who'll stop at nothing to win, but Shanvley Stadium had better be ready for a comedy slaughter. Reality will set back in with an almighty ache when the wrestlers of Prux are played in the second matchday, away from home to boot, but there's another Shanvley stroll against the Fujisawan Territories - whom the hockey team have already slaughtered - before the trip to Quakmybush, where a point would be a great result. Remember, this is the same Quakmybush who beat Kura-Pelland in Shanvley in WC38...

The biggest problem with the schedule is that the last match is away to St Samuel; that could be the decisive match in the group, and it's not exactly ideal to play away in effectively a final.

------------------------

Kura-Pellandi Monthly present an International Challenge

There is a recurring theme, subtly placed within every RP of this World Cup. The first nation to spot it (by TGing me, Kura-Pelland - other forms of informing won't count), quoting and explaining at least two separate pieces of evidence, will be offered an invitation to play a friendly match at the next available opportunity, at Shanvley Stadium - the venue for the World Cup 38 final.

Keep looking for clues. They are not confined to this thread either.

ROBERT: Four of Dancougar's most eloquent sports writers...
DREW: That means we know words, right? (MUTE! -1)
ROBERT: Today, World Cup fever has broken out all over the globe, and Dancougar's group draw is looking mighty dangerous. And another season of college football is about to start, hear our panel's surprise picks for number one in the land. Ten topics, one winner, HORN!
(Title sequence and theme song)
ANNOUNCER: It's Around the Horn... here's Robert Vincennes.
ROBERT: Welcome back to the show that scores the arguments; let's say hello to our national panel. At the Lakeport Times, Jay Adonis.
JAY: Hey, I've got a pamphlet here from McPsychoville, it says they want Drew back. (MUTE! -1)
ROBERT: At the Stoneridge Post, Drew Papes.
DREW: An upstanding nation of hoodlums and drunks; sign me up!
ROBERT: From the Yuki City Sun, Kenji Nakahara.
KENJI: Guys, it's the Royal Academy's year, watch them unseat Hazuki.
ROBERT: And at the Port Royal Observer, Bradley Sharpe.
BRADLEY: When are we going to talk about basketball again? (MUTE! -1)
ROBERT: I'll see if I can work that in...
ANNOUNCER: It's The First Word!
ROBERT: World Cup qualifying draw was announced yesterday, and Dancougar sits in group 2... with the likes of Bettia, Vephrall, and the Holy Empire, who are early favorites to top the group and advance to the main tournament. Pat French still thinks the Wings can play respectable football, win five games, and finish in the middle of the pack. Others say that he's lost his mind. What do you think, guys, where do the Black Wings sit with this bunch? Jay, start us off.
JAY: Well, it's going to be rough, Vincennes, when you just look at raw KPB rank. The Wings have a good chance against maybe two teams in this group; I mean, Komekong's in here, we already beat them in the Baptism of Fire, so we ought to expect at least four points from those two games. (+2) But Hopeless is above them, they have twice as many KPB points, don't look for more than a point from them. And there's still four teams above that! (+1) Whoever thought the Baptism of Fire was an appropriate name for that competition wasn't thinking about the beatdown waiting in qualifiers! (+2) You go from playing teams as inexperienced as you are to teams who have played in the tournament, won the tournament... I mean, come on, this is surely a harder transition to make! (+2)
ROBERT: Papes, your thoughts?
DREW: Yeah, I don't seem them finishing better than fifth in this group, and that will be a push. I think it will depend a lot on the first match, they go away to the Holy Empire. No one's picking them to win, and I'm certainly not, but how they respond and come back to play Taeshan at home will really define what kind of team we'll see in this tournament. (+3) They can't let their confidence sink too low; football is a crazy game, a bit of luck, a bounce of the ball, and you can hang in there against anybody. (+1) As long as they don't knock themselves out of it, they'll be competitive. (+1)
ROBERT: What do you think, Nakahara?
KENJI: I think Drew has to take it one step further, if he wants to talk about confidence and the schedule as a way to predict where points will come from. This morning in Hopeless SC, they were talking about their own draw, and it is a brutal one. Before Dancougar, they get Bettia and the Holy Empire, and afterwards, Vephrall. This team is going to be exhausted mentally and physically, and that gives the Wings a chance to steal a few points, I think. (+3) Overall, though, this is no better than a fifth place team. The kids are going to have to deal with professionals who are more experienced on the international stage, (+1) they've got the college season coming up, that's going to be burning on them, (+1) and let's not forget, Robert, they're coming into this already tired from that long Baptism of Fire. (+1)
ROBERT: Good stuff from Kenji Nakahara, can you do better, Sharpe?
BRADLEY: I can. Look at the guys in this group. Taeshan and unranked Kalmykstan... they met in the Oriental Cup, and who won that game... wait for it... KALMYKSTAN! (+3) Guys, you worry too much about rankings. Sure, teams like Bettia and the Holy Empire are downright better than us. They have the experience, they have the talent, but as Drew said, momentum is a big factor in all this. (+2) A team that is sound in its fundamentals and can get a bit of luck can win against anybody, anytime. It's happened before and will certainly happen again. (+2) Numbers aren't always going to give you the whole story, character is huge.
ROBERT: So everybody likes them in the middle, and if I'm reading you correctly... the lower middle! If that makes sense, who cares, we move on...

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Barcali Pickled, In Pickle

JAMES Barcali, President of the Krytenian Football Association, found himself both hung over and in hot water this morning after being arrested in Valanora. The former national team goalkeeper was taken into custody after damaging street furniture in the aftermath of the World Cup qualifying draw.

Barcali had earler been involved in a drinking contest with the infamous Ben O'Bagels, at the event as representative of Sorthern Northland. Following the Aces' selection into Group Eight, it is reported that Barcali and O'Bagels stumbled out into the street, shouting and slurring their words, and ripped a street sign from its pole. The sign was later found outside a hotel room used by the Bostopian delegation.

Barcali was found later that night, asleep on a bench in the town centre. The KFA are declining to comment at this time.

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Five.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when the draw for the World Cup qualifying campaign was announced.

More than ten percent of the nation was said to have watched to World Cup Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the fans, Acapais avoided the highest ranked nations like Ariddia, and Az-cz.

Having competed only four times, Acapais was placed in Group Five as the sixth seed. In a group of eight, only one other nation has been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the five other nations seeded higher than Acapais, two did not qualify for WC38's tournament. The only nation that qualified for WC38's final tournament, however, was knockout in the round of sixteen.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Stephanie Horne. "But we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games. We are going to start today getting ready for The Supermarket. Yes, Cafundéu is in our group, but we can beat them if we prepare properly."

Eighty-two nations (including hosts) entered this year’s World Cup and divided into ten groups of eight. The top three teams qualify for the final tournament automatically and a play-off will not take place because ten times three is thirty. Unified Capitalizt States and Valanora automatically qualify for the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves also.

Al Vick Osman says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. Since Yafor 2 and Jasī’yūn are very solid teams, and Cafundéu are just too powerful, Acapais will probably end up in the third quartile well out of range of WCQ contention."

Sally predicts that the three qualifying teams from group five will be Cafundéu, Yafor 2, and Jasī’yūn. Acapais, she says will end up in fifth place. She says Acapais will probably do well in the Cup of Harmony if they are invited.

Group 5:
(26) Yafor 2
(23) Jasī’yūn
The Supermarket
(12) Cafundéu
(156) Loutra oreas Elenis
(114) Acapais
(46) Casari
(67) Solenial

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
Friendly vs. Sorthern Northland
Matchday 1: @ The Supermarket
Matchday 2: vs. Cafundéu
Matchday 3: @ Loutra oreas Elenis
Matchday 4: @ Solenial
Matchday 5: vs. Casari
Matchday 6: @ Yafor 2
Matchday 7: vs. Jasī’yūn
Friendly vs. Jeruselem
Matchday 8: vs. The Supermarket
Matchday 9: @ Cafundéu
Matchday 10: vs. Loutra oreas Elenis
Matchday 11: vs. Solenial
Matchday 12: @ Casari
Matchday 13: vs. Yafor 2
Matchday 14: @ Jasī’yūn
-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=10)
WCQ Draw

Home matches announced
No specific order(dont know order)
The holy empire@taeshan Atlantea collesium-590,000 seats(old stadium bought 30 yrs)
Bettia @ Taeshan-X island indoor park(690,000 seats. Brand new seats first games held in them)
Vephrall@ taeshan X island indoor park
Kalmykackstan@Taeshan- Docktown memorial stadium(470,00 seats. Newer stadium 3 years)
Hopeless sc@Taeshan-Docktown memorial
Komekong at Taeshan-Taeshan soccer grounds(practice field. 20,000 seats)
Dancougar@Taeshan- Atlantea collesium

Pre-Qualifying Friendlies (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13412362#post13412362)

"Augh, it's all slippery! And it won't go on!"

"Well, I told you to get the big ones, Russ!"

Russ Pauli and Peter Klingenschmidt were the only students out on the quad at this ungodly hour. And it was probably for the best that no one else was around to watch them attempt to cover a chicken with condoms.

"They don't even make these out of rubber anymore, do they?" asked Russ, his eyes narrowing.

"Close enough, and if all else fails, we can use gloves on the backup chicken," Peter responded, struggling with the chicken, which had all but given up. It was almost entirely covered, only its head remained. Peter was in the process of giving it fashionable, lubricated headgear.

"Oh, right, where the hell have you managed to get live chickens, anyway?!" Russ said.

The word on the internet was there was, like this goddess of luck and chance, or something. Her name was Margaret, and you invoked her by sacrificing a rubber chicken. Russ and Peter were painfully aware of the difficult draw Dancougar faced, and they wanted to help. But somehow this felt terribly wrong.

Their ever-watchful professor, Friedrich von Steuben, looked on curiously. "Ees zees vat ees meant by ze rubber cheekin?" he asked.

"It's a first order approximation," Peter mumbled as he stretched the last condom over the chicken's head. "Ah, there!"

"Great. So..." Russ began, "... how do we sacrifice it? Like... kill it?"

"Way ahead of you!" exclaimed Peter, motioning towards a conveniently placed grill.

Russ took one look and twisted his face. "Eww, dude, but we covered it in..."

"Deebs on ze sigh!"

BCN: The Magazine

World Cup qualifying preview

It's been four and a half years since the end of the last World Cup, but the excruciatingly long wait is over. For the Vephrall national team, it's a return to the old days, where we actually have to qualify for the tournament properly.

So who stands in the way of Team Vephrall (which, as the VFR habitually points out every Cup, is "the team too cool for a nickname")? Well, this is the place to find out.

Matchday 1: Vephrall v Komekong
Fonong-Pelle, Solonds
Komekong apparently participated in the most recent Baptism of Fire. And quite honestly, that's all the information we have. The white and gold will start their campaign with three points in the island city of Solonds.

Matchday 2: Bettia v Vephrall
Venue unknown
And we'll be glad to have those three points, because the toughest match of the qualifying run comes up next. Vephrall is a good team. Bettia's better. A draw wouldn't be totally out of the question, but I really wouldn't expect a point here.

Matchday 3: Vephrall v the Holy Empire
Becugheralang, Speilers
If Vephrall does pick up a point against Bettia, our visitors from the Dreamed Realm may need to watch out. Momentum is critical in any qualifying run. If the Bettia match ends in a slightly more expected way, however, it could be more difficult for the home team. My gut feeling is to expect a draw here.

Matchday 4: Hopeless SC v Vephrall
Venue unknown
Hopeless SC is a team that I feel we may underestimate. With luck, they'll live up to their name, but again it's all about momentum here. If we pick up three or more points from the previous two matches, we should have a good shot at winning here. If we don't, it might be rough. My guess is that Pentove's men won't give these guys the respect they deserve and will be rewarded with absolutely no points.

Matchday 5: Vephrall v Dancougar
Ellime Apenbast, Netlas
After that harsh run, it gets a little easier with Dancougar. But only a little. Vephrall will still need to do a professional job in the Sumbobor foothills, but I think they'll come away with three points.

Matchday 6: Vephrall v Kalmykstan
Peppatzerris, Tuffir
This is a win. Nothing more needs to be said.

Matchday 7: Taeshan v Vephrall
Venue uncertain, possibly X Island Indoor Park?
This match may end in a 3-0 walkover victory for the visitors. For reasons we have been unable to determine, Taeshani media outlets seem to believe they're playing Kura-Pelland instead. Don't get me wrong, we're best of friends with our northwestern neighbors, but you can be sure the players will be slightly miffed at the confusion. The white-and-gold-wearing fans making the trip will return with smiles on their faces, and the team will follow right behind them with three points securely stashed.

Friendly: Vephrall v Squornshelous
Ellime Presseg, Moje
Umsaasad Pentove certainly didn't back away from a challenge with this one. The Pschychoes should win without much trouble, but it will give our team some valuable experience and the hope of repeating if not bettering what I expect to be a 4-1-2 first half.

Matchday 8: Komekong v Vephrall
Venue unknown
Another day, another win.

Matchday 9: Vephrall v Bettia
Ellime e Vephrall, Meice
Once again Bettia will pile it on, but can Vephrall return fire in front of over 80,000 fans in the capital? I say yes. 3-3 draw.

Matchday 10: The Holy Empire v Vephrall
Venue unknown
And with the confidence gained from that performance in Meice, look for Vephrall to cause an upset in the Dreamed Realm and come home with a W.

Matchday 11: Vephrall v Hopeless SC
Ellime Neoss, Gloem
Hopeless SC will put up a fight, but Vephrall will extend its undefeated run to six (the Squornshelous friendly notwithstanding). And we think it will be of the three-point variety.

Matchday 12: Dancougar v Vephrall
Venue unknown
And then comes the scare. Mark my words, the Baptism of Fire champions will lead this game at halftime. Pentove will have the ability to wake his squad up, but that doesn't mean the home team will rest, and the match will end in a draw.

Matchday 13: Kalmykstan v Vephrall
Venue unknown
All I can say is, if we don't win this one and we haven't secured qualification yet, there may be hell to pay.

Matchday 14: Vephrall v Taeshan
Palloner Ellime, Pallona
If we've already clinched qualification (and we probably will have if my predictions hold true) and Pentove decides to send out the second-stringers, the Purple Knights may have a chance here. But I get the feeling that even if he does, Vephrall will win this one anyway.

Overall prediction: 9-3-2, ending with a run of nine undefeated. I'll admit that's bold, but despite the naysayers I have faith in Umsaasad Pentove's motivational abilities. And this team will prove that yes, it does truly belong in the World Cup.

Welcome to the website of the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris.

Latest result: Vephrall 1-2 Bazalonia (Friendly)

For questions contact the webmaster at fpranasik@vfr.co.vf.

Parker Law stared at his monitor in disbelief. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?" asked an excited-looking man standing behind him. He was about 5'8" tall, perhaps 180 pounds, and had excessive facial hair.

"That's the entire VFR website?"

"Well, we just put it up two weeks ago, what did you expect? And besides, we don't want it to take forever to load. Phone service isn't free, you know."

Law now stared at the hairy-faced man. "How fast is this connection, anyway?"

"This puppy has a brand-new top-of-the-line 600 baud modem," the man said proudly. Law gave him a blank look. "Six hundred bits per second, or seventy-five bytes. Each character is a byte."

"Seventy-f...are you kidding me? You're pulling my leg. That technology is a hundred and fifty years old."

The other man rolled his eyes. "What country did you say you were from again? Bettia, was it?"

"I suppose you could technically say Northern Bettia, since that's what's there now, but I'm Bedistani by birth. Is this whole country really this backward?"

The other man looked offended, and rightly so. "If you don't like it here, we'll be more than happy to send you back to whatever fantasy world you came from."

Every day, Law wondered if he should have done exactly that. But no. He loved football, and he wasn't going to let a lack of modern conveniences get in the way. He had a job to do.

World Cup Qualifying – Friendly

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png
3:2 (2:2)


Match Report:

Somtaaw Stadium, Stinnett, Acapais – The first match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was a friendly against Sorthern Northland and ended in a 3-2 victory for the home side on Thursday night. The bran new Manager for Acapais, Stephanie Horne, has started her season on the proper foot.

After only six minutes into the match, Paroe made a counterattack run down the left flank and crossed it to the center. Castro laid it down for Fronberry whose splendid, low shot to the right of the keeper hit the back of the net. Some close opportunities from both sides were followed with a hand ball in the box by the youngest starter on Acapais’s roster, Zach McKellar. The penalty kick from Relondinho could not be stopped by goalkeeper Paul Junxton. It was said to have traveled 112 km/h on the way to the back of the net. After forty-one minutes Pablo’s precision pass to Paroe was made into a goal with a fancy backheel, but Sorthern Northland responded just two minutes later with beautiful 30-yard rocket from Feng Shui.

Acapan goalkeeper Paul Junxton was injured in the first half after colliding with his teammate Brad Sample and landing awkwardly and replaced by Hunchman O'Hare. Junxton’s examination reveled it was only a hamstring pull. He should be fit by matchday one of the WCQ campaign when Acapais travel to The Supermarket.

The second half showed that both teams had reviewed their defensive tactics at halftime for neither team scored from play. However, during delightful 25-yard set piece opportunity, Al Vick Osman made it count with the winning goal of the game. One chance from Tom Tomsk came off the crossbar one minute into stoppage time to send off the home fans with a win and a skipped heart beat.

Scoring:
Acapais – Fronberry (Castro) 6
Sorthern Northland – Relondinho (pen) 19
Acapais – Paroe (Pablo) 41
Sorthern Northland – Jing Mao (Tom Tomsk) 43
Acapais – Osman (unassisted) 58

Booking:


Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton (O'Hare 37)
2 - Bradly Sample (Rex Agitril 68)
3 - Derek Sample
4 - Nick Daniels (Bobby Underland 55)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 – Pablo (Benjamin Nelson 74)
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar (Dave Lugini 79)
9 - Henry Paroe (Jason Wellington 86)
11 - Al Vick Osman
10 - Jose Castro

Sorthern Northland Starting Lineup:
1 - Jonny Sage (GK)
2 - Graeme Shorey
3 - Nicky Murty
6 - Ivar Wrightson
5 - Corneal Corneal
7 - Tom Tomsk
11 - Feng Shui
8 - Relondinho
4 - Xeng Xung
9 - Jing Mao
10 - Kim Min-Kim

Next Match:

@ The Supermarket http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_supermarket.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=10)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=68)
Friendly vs. Sorthern Northland

Sports Inquiry - "THE MOST OVER-RATED TEAM IN THE WORLD"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: ?
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Well, it's time for football season once again in the Empire, and you know what that means. Tourists. Gobs of them! Every home fixture, there's always some damned tourist coming down the street with absolutely no concern for the tradition of our forebears, wanting whatever it is that they want. The commies all want global revolution and complementary healthcare service so that they can drink in our noraebang bars all night and not worry about that gapping head wound. The capitalists complain about how the internal trade condition is largely protected by our overbearing jaebol corporations. The Americans complain that it's too foreign. The Europeans complain that it's too modernized. The French complain that it's not French enough. The Russians complain that there aren't enough drinks.

I mean come on! It's an Oriental Empire! Supposing we are extremely progressive traditionalists, this isn't your fancy Shangri-la paradise (although if you want to visit Shangri-la, we do have tours...)! This is the Han Empire, and we'll pretty much do as we please. So what if the beds are two blankets over the floor? So what if hotel accommodations include a routine fire alarm at 2am on Friday mornings? So what if all domestic transportation is handled by Han carriers? So what if every person you meet here is Han? We're HAN. Get it through your head before you decide to come here!


On that note, I'll give you two very good reasons why the Imperial Team will NOT qualify for this World Cup, yet again - and if I'm wrong, you can have my job. (1) The Han Team is so overrated! I mean, come on. Last World Cup, we missed out qualification by two goals! We went through the Cup of Harmony undefeated, and yet failed to progress into the elimination round. And then, there's this farcical Oriental Football Cup held in the Empire. Despite hosting the damned tournament and occasionally beating the hell out of the other really good teams, they have yet to win the namesake tournament! And now that we're the 4th seeds in Group 8, we're some magical ticket into the third or even second position and up for qualification into the World Cup? Come on people! I think our first match against football superpower Ariddia will prove just how poor our team is rated. Watch it - it's going to be a slaughter fest, 6-0 or something like that.

(2) Have you looked at the ranks lately? The Han are ranked 40th out of the group. Top seeds Ariddia hold a comfortable 6th place, while Bostopia and Ulzaxid each respectively hold 20th and 30th places. The next places down are a lonesome 64th and a tight 70th places. And don't forget the bottom seeds! The Han have performed remarkably well against higher seeds, but suck against lower seeds. And because there are more lower seeds now, the Imperial Team will be even worse off! Just imagine our luck to be drawn in a group with so many horrible teams - let's just thank whatever Heavens exist that we didn't get drawn with an unranked team, or we'd just be mauled over nothing.

And don't that 3-2 loss to Demot fool you; it's a loss, so get over the fact that the Imperial Team managed 2 goals down to draw near even with the 10th ranked team in the world.

FRIENDLY ENDS IN DULL DRAW

The Hopeless SC Wanderers played in a final tune up for World Cup 39 at home against Sorthern Northland and anybody that stayed home didn't miss anything. The two teams drew 0-0 in a match where nobody really took control. The match was so dull that even President Johnson fell asleep in his chair during the match.




Setting: just after the draw in President Johnson's office


President Johnson: (looking at a piece of paper with the draw on it) Ouch! We certainly drew the short straw this time.

Vice President White: It’s certainly not going to be easy, but we’re a much better team than we were four years ago.

President Johnson: Not that that’s going to help against maybe the toughest match schedule any team got for this Cup.

Administrator Peterson: I’ll admit, we have our work cut out for us, but it’s not inconceivable that we finish where we’re supposed to in our group.

Vice President White: It also could benefit us that we do have a little experience against Taeshan too.

President Johnson: Yeah, but they’re going to be out for revenge after we beat them in what was technically a road match in the last Cup of Harmony in overtime.

Administrator Peterson: Tony, they call it extra time in soccer.

President Johnson: Whatever. Thomas, what do you make of our draw?

Head Coach Larson: It could have been worse, but it could have been a lot better too. We did draw into the group with the lowest-ranked top seed, but they also happen to be the World Cup 33 and 35 Champions. We got four teams ranked in the top 50 in our group, and we play the top three of them in our first four matches.

Vice President White: So what do you think of our chances?

Head Coach Larson: I said before the last World Cup that our first couple Cups would be learning experiences, and despite our shocking run to the semis of the Cup of Harmony, I still hold to what I said. We definitely won’t qualify out of a group this tough, especially with our schedule. We might surprise one of the top 30 teams at home, but we can’t expect much more than that.

President Johnson: What do we know about our opposition?

Administrator Peterson: The top-ranked team in our group is 13th ranked Bettia, who not too long ago alternated championships with Ariddia. They’re definitely the favorites to win the group, though they’ll have to earn it.

Head Coach Larson: I agree that Bettia’s the favorite in our group, but they’ll have to battle The Holy Empire, formally known as Alasdair I Frosticus, for it. The Holy Empire is one of the original participants in the World Cup, but they’ve never done all that well. True, they did take a long break, but they’re back up to 17th in the rankings, and could be a semifinalist threat.

Administrator Peterson: If there’s a potential vulnerability in the top three seeds, it’s 28th ranked Vephrall. They haven’t made a great deal of noise, but they’re certainly contenders to be ranked in the top 30. I can see them either making some noise or flopping out in qualifying.

Vice President White: So, we do have some reason for hope.

Head Coach Larson: Not seriously. We may have a potentially vulnerable top 30 team in our group, but the schedule doesn’t set up well for us, and we’d have to jump over Taeshan to do it. They did jump from 52nd to 48th in the rankings after the Cup of Harmony while we jumped from 77th to 63rd, but they’ll be out to pay us back for Paul Corner’s extra time goal that knocked them out of the Cup of Harmony. It also can be a blessing or a curse to draw a team you’ve seen before, especially one you’ve seen recently.

Administrator Peterson: That brings us to a real potential problem, the Baptism of Fire Champions, 93rd ranked Dancougar. Not only have they already figured out how to win on the international level, but they catch us at a vulnerable point in our schedule, with matches against Bettia and The Holy Empire preceding them and a match with Vephrall following.

President Johnson: Ouch. That is rotten timing for us.

Head Coach Larson: The other two teams, 135th ranked Komekong and 176th ranked Kalmystan shouldn’t give us too much trouble, we should clean up against them, but we can’t overlook them either or they’ll upset us.

Vice President White: So what’s your predicted order of finish for our group?

Administrator Peterson: Knowing Thomas isn’t going to want to predict our group, in case somebody from our group were to catch wind of this conversation, I’ll take this one. I see the group playing out like this:

1. Bettia (13) -37 points
2. The Holy Empire (17) -34 points
3. Taeshan (48) -31 points
4. Vephrall (28) -30 points
5. Dancougar (93) -21 points
6. Hopeless SC (63) -17 points
7. Komekong (135) -2 points
8. Kalmystan (176) -1 point

President Johnson: That’s definitely not optimistic.

Head Coach Larson: Would you rather take a shot at predicting a tough group like ours?

President Johnson: I don’t mind if I do, Thomas. Thank you.

1. The Holy Empire (17) -42 points
2. Bettia (13) -34 points
3. Hopeless SC (63) -26 points
4. Taeshan (48) -23 points
5. Vephrall (28) -23 points
6. Komekong (135) -10 points
7. Dancougar (93) -7 points
8. Kalmystan (176) -0 points

Vice President White: Those are some pretty bold predictions, Tony. Care to make any Thomas?

Head Coach Larson: Sure, Bill. Why not? I’ll make two. First, we won’t qualify, though we will make a little more noise than in World Cup 38. Second, the champion will be somebody other than Ariddia, the hosts, or Az-Cz.

Vice President White: (laughs) Somebody could put even money on those for how much they’re worth and still lose their money.

Administrator Peterson: Here’s the schedule for you guys, so you’ll have a copy of it for your records.

vs. Bettia (13)
at The Holy Empire (17)
vs. Dancougar (93)
vs. Vephrall (28)
at Kalmykstan (176)
vs. Taeshan (48)
at Komekong (135)
at Bettia (13)
vs. The Holy Empire (17)
at Dancougar (93)
at Vephrall (28)
vs. Kalmykstan (176)
at Taeshan (48)
vs. Komekong (135)

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: The World Cup Draw

Fellow nations: we rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord our God has seen fit to guide our worthy co-hosts in bringing us the World Cup draw. At this time of prayer and celebration, it is traditional to offer some comments on our God-given opponents prior to qualification.

First of all, we give thanks that we have been drawn with our our Orthodox Brothers from Magnus Valerius. While some have been swift to complain that drawing both active Orthodox nations in the same group is yet another sign of a Catholic-directed anti-Orthodox conspiracy, we are quick to note ourselves that neither host is known for being in any way sympathetic towards the schismatic Pope of Rome. Instead, we rejoice that we will be brought together with the Valerians at least twice, granting unto us the opportunity to co-celebrate the Divine Liturgy before each match. Neutrals attending the matches may wish to ensure that they practice standing in one place for 2-3 hours ahead of time. Some concern has been raised that our coach and team spokesman both hail from the Valerian Empire, but surely all involved shall act in an appropriate spirit of Orthodox brotherhood.

There can be little doubt that Jeruselem and Demot are the most dangerous opponents in the group. In the past, there has been scope for discord between the teams from Jeruselem and the Archregimancy due to the behaviour of certain leading media personalities from the former. We have not been in contact with Jeruselem recently, but it is our devout hope that they have put this unfortunate episode behind them, and that the current squad is full of clean-living young men and women, whatever their faith or nationality. We have little specific to note about Demot except that some blasphemers of foul tongue have called them 'jammy bastards'; why illegitimate children should be covered with fruit preserves escapes us.

The Pazhujeb Islands and Scotchpinestan are up-and-coming teams who are more than capable of causing an upset. Who are we to predict what results God, in his unknowable wisdom, may bring to bear. We notice that some in Az-cz have of late failed to understand this point by suggesting that we in the Archregimancy believe that, just because we are Orthodox, we deserve to win football matches, and that God should always give unto us the victory. Only heretical protestants think this way. God may well punish us by withholding victory from our team of sinners who, through sin, are constantly moving away from Him; we certainly do not hold that our superior virtue and right belief pre-ordains us to be victorious. Only Calvinists believe in predestination.

Finally, the group also brings us teams known as 'Evil Polish Donors' and the 'Blouman Empire'. We expect little for these teams except defeat after defeat; yet did not our Saviour tell us that 'the first shall be last and the last shall be first' and that 'meek shall inherit the earth'? Perhaps this shall come as some small consolation to these nations even as they fail to qualify.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

What the Papers Say

“Things are going to be very different around here…” muses the Albrecht Herald. The C&M senior team have played sixty-one games to date, and it is not insignificant that the first of the Lloyd Donnelly era was the highest scoring affair among them. Yes it was a friendly, with both C&M and Ad’ihan trying out new players and formations ahead of testing clashes with two more BOF 23 teams, Endmile and Sorthern Northland respectively. But the opinion across the Candelariasian press was that Big Blues fans better get used to games like this.

“It shouldn’t be that much of a stretch,” Bove’s National Reporter argues. “The under-21s have been playing like this for ages.” But the Gassett Candelariasian offers words of caution. “It’s one thing kids beating kids this way. But at the highest level, and particularly against mindlessly attacking teams like Az-cz and Northern Bettia, we have to be aware that embarrassing drubbings could be on the card just as much as the whuppings we could potentially hand out to some of this group’s weaker cohort.”

The game in CCL itself was hardly one for the purists, the C&M press agree, with some ludicrous mistakes in both defences contribution to most of the seven goals; but if it was a taster of things to come the Candelariasian fans are likely to enjoy themselves over the coming months. There were a decent number of them in the National Stadium, many Adi’hani fans clearly choosing to save their money for competitive games. The nominal ‘home’ supporters had the most to shout about early on, as their largely unchanged World Cup line-up had the early running against the restructured C&M team and opened the scoring through Julian D’Abbo. Saves from Oberon Martinez against D’Abbo and Steve Bryson suggested that the Candelariasians were in danger of being overrun, but through Matteo Corradini and Ben Head the team began to take control of the centre and had soon found an equaliser when Corradini supplied José Felipe Cassumba Domingos on the right wing who crossed to the head of Ramiro Novo for the Parwood City man’s first international goal.

C&M briefly took the lead when Cassumba Domingos jumped over the challenge of the El din Marbles left-back Kenneth Quinn and poked a shot past Ben Ropes, but D’Abbo soon scored his second when Lorenzo De Wilde was caught lingering on the ball.

The second half was no less fraught than the first, with the anonymous Ad’ihan manager introducing more width to the side. The youngster Tony Jones had the beating of a nervy William Burgos from the restart, and supplied the ball through the Arrigo Portuguese player’s legs to set up Steven Bryson. Donnelly took that opportunity to make changes of his own, and the newcomers seized on their chance to make an impact; Joe Cunningham winning the free-kick from which Ben Edwards scored beautifully. As the clock edged towards the ninety however it was a pair of old timers who created the C&M winner, Ben Head muscling through Laurénzo Argent and Barry Miller’s soft challenges to strike at goal. Ropes punched it out, but O’Sullivan Caras was on hand to make the score four-three and give the Big Blues real impetus going in to the qualifiers.

Though eager to avoid accusations of un-Candelariasian overconfidence, most papers believe that a third place finish and qualification is well within C&M’s grasp. “It seems ridiculous to describe Group Nine as ‘easy’,” the Albrecht Republican admits, “Considering that Donnelly’s men not only face the back-to-back World Cup champions but the side who beat them in the competition’s opening game. And every game could represent a potential slip-up here. C&M last faced Nire and Nire in a friendly, albeit in a clash between second elevens, and they proved then that they’re a stubborn side – and now have the benefit of a foreign-born manager’s alternative insight. But they were widely considered the poorest team of twenty-two at the last Cup of Harmony, and by some margin too.

“Endmile were well-deserved BOF 23 runners-up to the Han, but have been on a downward spiral of late. They represent a banana skin on the opening matchday, make no mistake; but the current form of their right-back, Thjis Tullier of Candelaria-Allemali, reflects Endmile’s own drop off in results.”

The Herald likewise finds confidence from the rest of the group. “Jariss have history, and a serious point to prove, and may well represent the biggest threat despite their lowly ranking. Gweridijongya also have previous, after a fashion, but they and Wavispa are surely two of the weakest teams of the eighty in qualifying.”

The Candelariasian agrees, and feels slightly contrite about it. “When you look at the difficult challenge the Sortherners or Daehanjeiguk will have to qualify, or indeed Scotchpinestan, Casari, the Pazhujebs or Starblaydia… It does seem that the gods were shining on us this time.”

Not that the big two in the group don’t represent a major threat. “We all know about Northern Bettia,” the Daily News complains sadly. “We’ve all watched them at the World Cup, and we know what to expect. All we can hope for is a strong referee, and a crowd in Arrigo that stubbornly refuses to let Donnelly’s men stoop to the level of the visiting team.”

Az-cz meanwhile are seen as a team worth getting nervous about. “With an away game against the best side in the world the third match of qualifying, [Donnelly] faces two choices,” according to El periodico del Arrigo. “If things are going well, he must resist any temptation to change things around, and if that means defeat then so be it. Getting in practise ahead of other games is more important.” The Albrecht Mercury more bullishly pleads with the manager to “let C&M play their natural game” against Az-cz; continuing the criticism of Donnelly’s refusal to utilise the country’s seemingly endless supply of wingers, particularly on the left flank.

Most papers agree however that merely avoiding a several-goal thrashing is of the foremost importance. “Lest we forget that C&M’s last competitive game was also their worst ever defeat,” comments the National Reporter. The Candelariasian is at the forefront of those with warm words for the group favourites. “It is without question the greatest triumph-against-adversity story in modern sporting history,” gushes the paper’s editorial. “And our alternatively proportioned friends deserve all the plaudits they have received in recent years.”

Excitement is also high ahead of the mid-qualifying friendly with Cafundéu, the ‘Latin Challenge’ being the first time the two countries have met in sporting competition. The game has also helped to highlight – were any further excuses needed – the make-up of this year’s expected C&M first team, with no fewer than six of the likely starters being not only Marquez-born but of Hispanic origin. “Where is Reuben Jones?” the Candelariasian laments with tongue firmly in cheek, using the title of the 1950s novel featuring the Candelarian everyman. The first team will also feature a defender of East Asian decent, one of C&M’s small number of Italian ‘first-tonguers’ and one of Albrecht’s long-standing Turkish community. Only holding midfielder Ben Head seems to represent the islands’ majority bog-standard Anglophones.

_______________

Schedule:

FRN: Adi’han v C&M @ National Stadium, CCL
MD1: Endmile v C&M
MD2: C&M v Northern Bettia @ Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/arrigo.html)
MD3: Az-cz v C&M
MD4: Gweridijongya v C&M
MD5: C&M v Wavispa @ Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/albrecht.html)
MD6: Jariss v C&M @ Jariss Arena, Jariss City
MD7: C&M v Nire and Nire @ La Decimotercia (http://i1.tinypic.com/86pe1pk.png ), El din (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/el_din.html)
FRN: C&M v Cafundéu @ Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo
MD8: C&M v Endmile @ Kaleta Online Dome (http://i8.tinypic.com/8ellkjd.png), Caires
MD9: Northern Bettia v C&M
MD10: C&M v Az-cz @ Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht
MD11: C&M v Gweridijongya @ Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo
MD12: Wavispa v C&M
MD13: C&M v Jariss @ Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht
MD14: Nire and Nire v C&M

______________

Lyndon Hernández, Chair of the Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives All-Party Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought, stood on a roof.

It’d been a nice trip, but he’d felt rather superfluous. He’d been to see Parliament House, and pottered round a few a few streets (until an incident with an automatic bollard had rather upset him), got thoroughly damp in several fountains (they liked a fountain here) and bought a few postcards featuring the hideous young sheep/banana hybrid. And then, when it was starting to look like terminal normality was about to set in, he’d received a text message.

On the whole, he’d liked the Svartálfar better when they restricted themselves to the sewers under Gordon Bay City. For the most part they still did, but even in a tight-nit community like theirs there were always going to be a few oddbods. The ones who had taken to wearing Armani, dark shades and using mobile phones were particularly unnerving.

“Canny affor, sir!”

“Um… Really?” Hernández ventured, struggling as ever with the svarts’ second-hand accents.

“Canny toon, d’ya neet think? Neet a patch on wor sewers back hyem, mind yee.” The svartálf placed a hand somewhere in the region of his crotch. Hernández supposed this was where they kept their hearts.

“It’s… very pleasant, yes. Um, are you still here? It’s been a while since the hockey and I thought you said yee weor ganin ba… uh, you were going back home.”

The svart stared at him nonplussed for a moment before the mental clouds parted. “Ah, nar na, that wes wor kid yas wes thinkin abyeut. He suggested ah cum owor fo' a holida, leek.” He lent in. “He's propor soz abyeut wot happened tuh young Donny lad, by the wa. Said tuh tell yee see me'sel.”

“Yes, well… These things happen. Perhaps we should go a bit easier on the whole nightmare thing for a while. Although…” The minister shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. What did you want, anyway. I’m afraid I couldn’t make much sense of your text…”

“Wey, a croggy back hyem, if yee divvint mind. The liverpyeul english are most understandin abyeut the huurl 'little people' thin, but ah think ah scare the wee ones tuh be honest. Ah cud dee wi' usin yor privvit jet.”

“You don’t snore, do you?”

“Purrish the thowt, man!”

“Alright then… It’ll, um… It’ll give us an opportunity to have a chat. There are things we need to discuss…”

“Whativvor yee want, mistor Hernández. Gan ah hev a gan on yor laptop?”

The minister rolled his eyes privately. This would be a long flight…

"Have you seen the Vephrese Football Association website?"

"You mean the VFR?"

"Yeah, of course the VFR is there another Vephrese Football Association that I don't know about?"

"Perhaps, but to answer your question, no."

"Well, I've got the URL for the BFSA's match report, it's www.bfsa.com.bz/reports/match.php?Vephrall (web.aanet.com.au/bazag/match.html)"

"And that matters why?"

"Just look at it... compare it to www.vfr.co.vf "

"Yeah and what?"

"ugh, never mind... I thought you at least would recognise a decent website when you saw it."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BLECAUTE EM LUX

http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/3636/6862354555gats6.jpg
Ferreira scored Cafundéu's goal

In the first game of the Monopolists, a bad result. Everyone expected that the friendly at home against Valanora would be a very close game, as both teams are among the best of the world. The interest in the game was big, people were expecting an exciting match. And it was exciting, but not very close. Although the first half ended with Valanora winning by just one goal of difference, in the second half Cafundéu disappeared in the game and let the region friends win the game by a large result.

Both teams used mixed teams, with starters and reserves composing the first XI. In the first half, Cafundéu’s defence worked very well, and Braddock’s tactics were enough to stop the strong attacks of Valanora. Due to the proximity of the countries (that are in the same region), there were many supporters of the nations which compose Valanora, and these fans helped the team to grow. In the end of the first half, Yan Kips, who know how to play in the Cafundelense football, headed well to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Marrrrrcelinho loses the ball in the midfield, and now Underrrrrdarrrrrk is with it. He holds the ball for a moment, makes a good pass to Hawk. Drrrrribbles Lionel, crrrrrossing to Kips, look at the header... and it’s a goal. Goal for Valanorrrrra! Kips, number two! Valanorrrrra one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! Your car is brrrrroken? Needs new pieces? So you need to come to Wendison Manutenções, where you can put you car in shape!”

The supporters were expecting a stronger Cafundéu in the second half, but the team suddenly forgot how to play football. Wrong passes, mistakes. Valanora didn’t return well to the second half too, but recovered first. In a long ranged shot, Zensan scored the second goal. The third came soon after, in a good play of Laborious Hawk which ended in another goal of Kips. Cafundéu even was able to score, after Ferreira took the ball from Nickel (a defensive mistake), invaded the area and finished with a nice lob. But Valanora ended the game with Hawk’s goal, in the last minutes of the game.

Talking with the press, with our friend Jorge Lang, the coach Franz Braddock said: “If our performance continues like this, we should stay at home. Valanora wasn’t even in good form, they didn’t play very well, we that were simply horrible today. I must say that we were lucky that Valanora didn’t show full potential, because, if they did, the result would be embarassing. But it was a good opportunity to test players. Now we need to concentrate to the first half of the qualifiers, and after that we’ll have other friendly, against Candelaria And Marquez, which will be difficult too, and after that... (he is stopped by the reporter)”

CAFUNDÉU 1x4 VALANORA

Place: Olímpico Imperial, in Lux.
Attendance: 82,459 people (crowded).
Referee: Anders Benvides (Demot).
MOTM: Laborious Hawk (Valanora).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos (Marcelo Rocha 75’), Augusto César, Eduardo Monte (Lobato 80’) and Everaldo; Lionel (Vergara 75’), Anormal, Da Silva and Marcelinho (Carlos Magno 45’ [Neto 80’]); Flecha (Ferreira 45’) and Fabrício (Saulo 62’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png VALANORA: Yoshida; Nickel (Titenburg Jr. 77’), Acevedo and Hocn; Riot, Sonja (Neesa 45’), Underdark (Alidare 68’), Hawk and Soldarian (Zensan 45’); Kips and Fresco (Night 45’).
Coach: Asanta Webber.

Goals:CAF: Ferreira 76’.
VAL: Kips 44’/63’ , Zensan 58’ , Hawk 85’.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Loutra oreas Elenis: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Leandro Cavalo, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara, Anormal, Da Silva and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Rino Melchanev (Sel Appa).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(One week later)
INSTITUTO SEGURA DERROTA HONROSA

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/2121/1santacruzsaocaetanohb9.jpg
The Wanderer being marked by Barnes and Vergara

In an unexpected challenge, the Landau Institute accepted to play against the team composed by the best players of the last Cafundelense league. It was a very difficult game for the Estresse Intenso team, as the Cafundelense best XI team is composed by stars of the world football. Lack of playing time together probably made the “special team” work less than it should, but ended winning the game with a goal scored by Aatunen, in the second half.

It was the first time that the CCFM and the Landau Institute have prepared a friendly. But the thing that everyone have to understand is that the rivalry is one thing. The friendly had nothing to do with the rivalry, as it was good for both countries. For the Institute, it was a good chance to prepare the team for the World Cup qualifiers. And, for the CCFM, it was a good opportunity to win some money with this special event.

As expected, the Cafundelense League team dominated most of the game, controlling the ball and making some very good attacks. A midfielder with Ilmari and Barnes is surely wonderful, and the Landau Institute could only defend. Bangu Melo and Bira did a good job for the Institute team, although they were not able to avoid the loss. A nice game to watch.

ESTRESSE INTENSO 0x1 CAFUNDELENSE LEAGUE BEST XI

Place: Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: not released.
Referee: Gabriel De Sanctis (St Samuel).
MOTM: Caj Ilmari (Cafundéu League).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png SELEÇÃO DA LIGA: Knudsen; Léo Mattos (Vasco 65’), Russo (Tuff 82’), Carlão and Lobato (Aligon 65’); Vergara (Petras 45’), Barnes, Ilmari and Misterson (Neto 45’); Heitor (Newton 45’) and Ferreira (Aatunen 76’).
Coach: João Canabrava.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/landau_ida.png LANDAU INSTITUTE: Durão; Rebeca (Dr. Ciro 74’), Prof. Bangu Melo and Fr. Anacleto (Dr. Quevedo 62’); Dr. Zetti, Dr. Sabin, The Wanderer (Mirtilo 62’), Bira and Prof. Selic; Dr. Landau and Gabalán (Dr. Pitanguy 45’).
Coach: The Machine 2.0.

Goals:SLI: Aatunen 83’.

Pierre-André Kavan, acting director of the Ad'ihan Football Federation, secretly cursed his predecessor. Just what was he thinking arranging a friendly at Liverpool England's national stadium for Ad'ihan? Sure, Ad'ihan was still a protectorate of Liverpool England, but at the national stadium?

Regardless, the team representing the newly-independent nation of Ad'ihan showed up for their last-ever match to be played in Liverpool England. Walking out - for the first and last time - onto the National Stadium pitch, the rather small group of 14,000 Ad'ihani fans (in a 240,000 seater stadium) that had made the journey cheered at the top of their voices - only to be drowned out by about 20,000 Candelaria And Marquez fans' cheers for their own team as well as over 100,000 locals jeering the Ad'ihanis.

As Kavan stood for the pre-match ceremonies – the Candelariasian national anthem and... uh, the old Ad'ihan Protectorate anthem (the Senate had yet to pass a new Constitution for the new country) – he couldn't help but let his mind once again wander to the task of appointing a new national manager. The team remained officially managerless; indeed, no member of the coaching staff were on the bench – only the substitutes. Otherwise, Kavan ran the sho--

Hang on a second. I run the show. But me? Manager of Ad'ihan?

Just then, cheers erupted from the 14,000 Ad'ihan fans – Julian D'Abbo had opened the scoring, just one of seven goals on show that day...

It was a wonderful sunny day, just as it always seems to be in Bettia, and as usual people are gearing themselves up for the upcoming World Cup. Being a nation of football fanatics, life pretty much comes to a standstill, especially when there's so much riding on this particular edition of the cup.

Today, we find ourselves in the charming town of Cornelia's Path, situated in one of the more quiet parts in the south of Bettia. A traditional centre for crafts and foodstuffs with a locally-famous saturday market, the town features row upon row of old cottage-style houses, and in the back gardens of two of these cottages we find two middle-aged women doing what they do best - talking.

"...and so anyway, I say to him 'They really don't want to be letting such a young lad go off to play football abroad, not at his age...'" said Ethel, a thick-set lady in her fifties as she leans on her garden fence whilst twiddling a clothes peg in one hand whilst sipping a cup of locally-picked tea with the other.

"Which young lad?" asked Haifa, a slender lady of the same age as her neighbour, with olive-brown skin reflecting her Maghrib heritage.

"That Llifon Rhys lad. You know, the young Aroras striker. Eleven years old, he is. He's off to play football in the ESF, you know."

"Eeeeh, he never is."

"Oh, but he is. Said so on the news, it did. So he's off to play football with the Elves."

"Oh, nice fellers, those Elves. Wouldn't let my daughter marry one though."

"Why ever not?"

"Don't have a daughter."

"Oh yes. Fifteen sons, but no daughters. Shame."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm sure them Elves're lovely fellers, all long flowing blond hair and good with a bow and arrow and all that..."

"Steady on Haifa, I reckon you've been watching too much o'that King of the Bracelets film again. I'm surprised you 'aven't wore that DVD out yet. You're always watching it."

"Well why not? All them hunky men choppin' orcses heads off, riding 'orses and all that."

"Haifa! What will your Abdul say?"

"Oh, he won't mind. In fact, I reckons he might fancy dressing up as one, you know, as a bedroom thing."

"Well that's more than I needed to know." Ethel says, spraying a mouthful of tea over her friend.

"Now look what you've done!" Haifa said, hurriedly wiping her dress down. "Lucky this weren't my Friday best. Got a tea stain in my Friday best a while ago. It were a right bugger to get out."

"Oh aye, tea's a bugger."

"Tell you what though, 'ave you seen the draw we got?"

"Who, the Aroras? Mmmm. Oh aye, it's a bit of a tough'un that. Holy Empire, Vephrall. Wouldn't fancy those games one bit. And Taeshan and Dancougar too. My hubby reckons we gotta watch out for 'em. Could be tricky."

"Oh aye, could be. I tell you who are in for it though. Them Gogs. Seen who they got in t'first game?"

"Erm... no, don't think I 'ave."

"Well they've oly gone and drawn Az-cz, 'aven't they?"

"Eeeeh, they never 'ave!"

"Oh, but they 'ave! After the way they cheated last time round, reckon them Gogs'll be in for some payback."

"Good, cheatin' so-and-sos. Deserve it, they does."

And so we leave these charming ladies to natter the rest of the day away while the rest of country gets on with their lives, whether it be carrying on with their usual trade, playing a spot of fotty in the street, or simply hurrying back and forth to whatever vantage point they'll be using for the opening game.

Yes, the World Cup is upon us once more, and the pride of a nation is at stake... even if most of the nation believe that pride is actually a sin.


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 8

01: Hopeless SC.............Away.......
02: Vephrall................HOME.......
03: Kalmykstan..............Away.......
04: Taeshan.................HOME.......
05: Komekong................Away.......
06: Dancougar...............Away.......
07: The Holy Empire.........HOME.......
08: Hopeless SC.............HOME.......
09: Vephrall................Away.......
10: Kalmykstan..............HOME.......
11: Taeshan.................Away.......
12: Komekong................HOME.......
13: Dancougar...............HOME.......
14: The Holy Empire.........Away.......

After the game against the best players of last season's Cafundelense League, the doctors and patients, all players of Landau Institute's National Team, were talking in the dressing room.

PROF. SELIC - "We had a good game, didn't we?"

DR. SABIN - "Yes, I think so. After all, the other team had players from all around the world, experienced in the World Cup..."

DR. LANDAU - "But we lost the game."

DR. QUEVEDO - "But we were playing against a good team..."

DR. LANDAU - "The players were very good, but it was the first time that they are playing together. We are what... three, four or five years playing together, we should defeat them."

DURÃO - "We just suffered one goal."

REBECCA - "And in the end of the game, that Ilmari is very good in passing the ball, he put Aatunen in front of the goal."

DR. ZETTI - "Yes, you were so worried with Newton and Petras that you let Aatunen invade the area."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Ilmari, Aatunen, Newton, Petras, Anormal, Knudsen, Aligon, Barnes, Misterson... they even had Hartenholm and Patette in the bench! It was a good result!"

DR. LANDAU - "But how can we accept such a challenge? We knew that this game was much more for those futile monarchists to win money than for us to train our team."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "It was an agreement. It can increase our relationship with the CCFM."

DR. LANDAU - "Just one question, Jesus. Do we need to increase our relationship with the CCFM?"

(Silence. Bangu Melo admits that no)

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Anyway, I'm the president now, and the patients are on my side."

DR. LANDAU - "They worship you, Jesus. Do not disappoint them."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Video room of the Landau Institute. Patients and doctors have watched the game, and are now commenting the result)

PATIENT 265 - "Nice game, don't you think? Estresse Intenso showed ability, movement, too bad that we lost."

DR. MENEGAZES - "Yes, but we played against a strong team."

FR. CLEMENT - "This result was a message from God, who wanted to give us confidence in our team, even with a loss. Because He knows that wins can put our team in the path of vanity, and we must dribble these sins and play with humility to reach our goals.

PATIENT 33,547,900 - "Yes, father."

PATIENT 459,344 - "So, do you think that our group is an easy one?"

PROF. TULIPA - "Surely not. Qazox, Zwangzug, Starblaydia, Lovisa... we'll have problems. But our team have already qualified once, now it's time to show the world that we can do it again."

PATIENT 459,344 - "I think you're right."

FR. CLEMENT - "And we can forget: qualify with humility. Our team is honest, and has a saint man, our leader Father Anacleto the Tactician."

PATIENT 33,547,900 - "Yes, father."

DR. JIMENEZ - "And, after all, we have our president!"

PATIENT 24 - "Yes, Jesus will save us!"

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

<snip>

We notice that some in Az-cz have of late failed to understand this point by suggesting that we in the Archregimancy believe that, just because we are Orthodox, we deserve to win football matches, and that God should always give unto us the victory. Only heretical protestants think this way. God may well punish us by withholding victory from our team of sinners who, through sin, are constantly moving away from Him; we certainly do not hold that our superior virtue and right belief pre-ordains us to be victorious. Only Calvinists believe in predestination.

<snip>

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +


From: Az-cz Atheists Association

To: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

While we never meant to imply what the citizens of the Archregimancy believed, we were simply arguing that god doesn't care about football. But we much prefer your interpretation that he is punishing you because you are sinners and rewarding nations like ours and Ariddia because we are pure. It makes perfect sense that those of us who ignore religion but live lives filled with respect and concern for our fellow beings are valued by god and those of you who bog yourself down with irrelevant religious minutiae but ignoring the greater underlying values are punished. Thanks for opening our eyes to this.

The Az-cz Atheists Association

“Welcome back to Good Morning Bostopia. In a remarkable turn of events, the Bostopian Government has re-issued it's declaration of war on Sorthern Northland after it's respite for the duration of the time the Bostopia squad were in Sorthern Northland. Now the Bostopian team is back in Bostopia, the state of war has as just mentioned, been re-issued.

And for more on the story, Pippa Hargreaves in Fort Boston...”

“Mark! Come on! You're going to be late for school!” His mother's voice became the shock news story of the day, not only apparently becoming the journalist in Fort Boston and broadcasting to the nation, but also waking him out of his fixation with Bostopian news. So biased, so... Bostopian.

It was his first day at school in Bostopia, and it would be by no means a easy time. Going into Year 6, the final year of Primary School, he would be taking his Placement exam, which decides which tier of Secondary education he would get into. Bostopia and Casari teaching differed in many subjects, with Mark having to learn all the States of Bostopia, all the capital cities of the areas of the Bostopian Empire. Not to mention the different histories. A few things would come as culture shocks too.

6 hours later

“That's correct, the Battle of Hortvale in 1493!” His teacher called out, just as the classroom clock ticked over for half past one in the afternoon.

“Oh! Half past one! Ok children, today's PE is athletics, the class championships are coming up soon, so we need to make sure you beat the other three classes in Year 6!” This stirred a few noises of approval from the children. “Right, so if you guys want to get ready, and meet me outside in a few minutes!”

Mark looked around, why hadn't his mum told him to take his kit? Then it hit him. None of the other kids had kit either. They were just...

“Undressing?!?” He thought out loud to himself. The whole class stared, prompting the teacher to come over to him as she walked out.

“Problem, Mark?” She asked.

“Um... Are there kits out there?”

“Oh... did no-one tell you? In Bostopia most PE is done nude and barefoot, unless you're playing football, where you will need a shirt, shorts, shinpads, boots and socks, or just a shirt, a pair of shorts and shinpads if you're playing rugball.”

Mark still looked nervous.

“No-one cares what you look like Mark, it's all about being at ease with how you look, and accepting that. I'll see if I can get your family to take you to Fenton or Teriff States.”

“Fenton? Teriff? What's odd about them?” He thought, while deciding to do as the natives were doing, and getting undressed.

The teacher smiled and walked out, wondering whether anyone had told the poor kid that exersizing nude and barefoot is better for physical conditioning, a prime factor for those going into the military, just like every child in Bostopia eventually will.

Two hours later

“Thanks mom.” Mark said, walking in the door.

“What for sweetie?”

“Not telling me how creepy this place is! They made me do athletics nude!”

“Oh it's good for you!”

“But there were ...eurgh... girls there!”

“Oh you'll get used to it. We've all had to do it.”

“I never!” His Casari-born father butted in.

“Of course, dear. You'll quite enjoy it, and when the weather's bad, they'll take you indoors. And I had better tell you you've got swimming on Thursday afternoon.”

“Is the pool heated?”

“There's no pool, honey.”

“Then... where do we swim? In the sinks?”

“You know that river at the back of your school's grounds?”

“No. You have to be joking, we'll get swept away!”

“No you won't, they've got nets. It's a very clean river too.”

Mark sighed.

“I'm going to my room.”

Life was certainly going to be different in this country, he thought, walking into his Casaran-flag adorned bedroom... which suddenly had a Bostopian flag to the left of it.

“Mom! What's this?”

“The flag? Oh, I thought it'd brighten up the room, make you feel more at home!”

“Ugh. Why did she have to be Bostopian? She's crazier than that Emperor guy I heard about...” he thought, before deciding to switch on the tele.

“And in sports news,”

Sports. Now there was something Mark could get along with.

“Monham City could tighten it's hold on first place in Rugball's Division 1 tonight, as they play Norteaton at Norteaton's Camp Hill Stadium.”

But not sports so crazy his home nation had only ever played them once...

--------------------------------

Further reading:

http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/education_in_bostopia.html
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/rugball.html

Now being followed by a throng of people numbering about 100, the lonely man woke up from his respite by the river and began to eat his lunch. While none of the people following him, asked him any questions, he always wondered why they were following him. Maybe because they thought him a prophet, or they had nothing else better to do with their lives. The thought of asking any of the followers never once crossed his mind, until now. He calmly brushed off the crumbs from his grilled fish sandwich and took a quick drink from the river. The man slowly turned around and faced the people following him.

"Why?" the man asked.

This seemed to cause some consternation amongst the crowd as they all mumbled to each other and a few argued loudly. After about 5 minutes, the people slowly quieted down, and a young woman, hardly older than 15, stepped out and replied, "Beacuse we believe you."

The man stood staring at the crowd, and thought for a few minutes. As the throng of humanity stirred impatiently, the man slowly bent down, gathered up his knapsack, placed it over his shoulder and with a slight flick of his head, continued on his, correction, their journey, to wherever it took them.

"Hello and welcome to Good Evening Sorthern Northland, praise be to Ben O'B... hold on he resigned, who do we praise now?"

*the producer quickly whispers something to the presenter*

"Ah technically he's President till the end of the week? Well praise be to the Dear Leader Ben O'Bagels and Cinna the Poet. Who?"

"Yes strange stuff has been going on ever since that World Cup Draw. Let's have a look at tonight's headlines."

"Well in sport theirs three friendlies and one match against those Bostopains and we only managed one win, Corcaigh win the Gaelic Football champions, again and what has happened to the national rugby team?"

"And in other headlines tonight, Bostopia ends war with Sorthern Northland and then declares it again and statues start springing up in squares across the nation but who are they off?"

"Right well lets get onto our first storey of the day and its the Bostopian war, now if I've understood this correctly they withdrew their declaration of war before the game here in Beningrad and the as soon as their squads plane had taken off they re-declared war on us?"

"Yes, that's correct, the war over the name of the White Cliff stadium previously thought be to be called the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium has not stopped, merely took a break for a football match."

"Very strange, I thought that match wasn't taking place for a few months yet?"

"Me as well but it seem the Bostopian FA moved it forward for some reason."

"And the match itself?"

"Well unfortunately Bostopia won. Sorthern Northland took the lead through the evergreen Feng Shui at the end of a great first half display, but Bostopia came out fighting in the second half and a brace from Aleksander Cripps saw the wankers erm I mean Bostopains go home with a two one win."

"And what is the current warning from the government over a Bostopian attack?"

"The current threat level is at CRITICAL, meaning an attack is extremely likely. As usual be on the lookout for anything suspicious and anyone who looks Bostopian."

"And what does a Bostopian look like?"

"Well seeing as our Secret Service has been so underfunded in recent years we're not really sure.."

"Right."

"But we believe that many Bostopains have strange moustaches."

"Ok, so there you go, be on the look out for people with strange moustaches, they could be Bostopian spies."

"Well to be honest, Bostopia has an excellent secret service I'm sure they'll be harder than that to spot but you never know."

"But you do have a picture of what a Bostopain may look like?"

"Yes you should see it on your screen, now."

http://www.librarising.com/astrology/celebs/images2/A/adolfhitler.jpg

"Ok, so if you see someone who looks like that, report them, they may be Bostopian. Now then what other news is there?"

"There's the statues but we don't have time for that, tomorrow maybe. So let's have a look at the three friendlies."

"Ok the, first up was Hopeless SC away, a nil nil draw, utter crap, lets look at the next game."

"The first home game of the year saw Dancougar visit and go home having lost three one. John Hernandez opened the scoring with a début goal but Jeffrey Cale equalised just before half time. In the second half though two goals from Jing Mao saw the Sortherners end up three one winners but a good performance from Dancougar and the future look bright for them."

"And finally a disappointing three two defeat to Acapais. The Sortherners drew level twice through Relondinho and Jing Mao but failed to get a third after Osman's fifty-eighth minute strike proved to be the winner."

"Not a good start from us is it?"

"Well no one has predicted that we'll qualify and I think we've shown why they think that in those four games."

"Well that's all we have time for, good night, and remember to stay on the lookout for those Bostopians they could strike us at any time and anywhere."

Sel Appa Enters Tenth World Cup

Sel Appa is entering its tenth ever NationStates World Cup ranked third in the World. The Turtles have come a long way since they first entered the international stage and look ready to do some major work in this Cup. They start on top of the group and will almost certainly come out on top, giving them favor as they proceed to the Finals. The team will almost certainly do well in the Group Stage and run deep into the Knockout Rounds. They could even win it all.

A win would bring much prestige to the nation and has been stated to be an unofficial prerequisite before hosting a World Cup. After talk of hosting went around last Cup, there has been serious thought into it. Football Federation of Sel Appa president Sharon Eiboln has said that "a Sel Appan bid may not be far off" and would like to pursue it during her tenure.

Sel Appa did host the 24th Baptism of Fire quite successfully and may finally have the standing and capability to put up a credible bid. The FFSA has denied rumors that there are backroom negotiations and discussions with other nations about a joint bid. A spokesman stated that "we won't even begin looking for partners until our intention to host is announced".

FFSA President Sharon Eiboln brought the team through a glass ceiling that they couldn't get out of the Group Stage despite a good ranking. Eiboln opened up the team to be co-ed and brought in many new players to replace those that retired. The new blood reinvigorated the team and sent them all the way to the Third Place Match, where they defeated Zwangzug 1-0 to take the bronze.

Jeruselem Government News

Horror debut for keeper Jane Darian

Jeruselem played a friendly in Ariddia and got spanked 4-0 by the 6th seed. Jeruselem's World Cup 39 team is noted for it's young look with not many over 30 years old.

Jane Sanderson's team took on her old team and came off 2nd best. Young Jeruselem keeper Jane Darian had the case of the fumbles today which accounted for two goals. This put Jeruselem into a defensive frame of mind and the team never really got into the game with Ariddia being the only team with any sort of rhythm. The Jeruselem defense worked hard but the keeper's fumbles didn't help the cause.

Kara Kool and her fellow strikers didn't have much to do as they didn't get much ball to use. Arridian expat Flak Sho tried hard but couldn't beat the Ariddian defense. Captain Scarlet Ferris didn't play today with Vice Captain defender Jollie Jollie taking over for this game.

The team flew home later but the Ariddians in the team stayed behind to see family and friends in Ariddia.

Jane Sanderson didn't put too much analysis into the game
"Well, we didn't play well. I think the youngsters got the jitters as it was their first real game. Poor Jane Darian isn't used to this kind of big game and it got to her. I have to tweak of few things with the team but the youngsters just need more time on the field. Flak Sho did quite well on debut, but the Ariddians were pretty hard to break down. Kara didn't get much to do as we couldn't get enough feed to our strikers today. Don't look too much into this game, first real game for this team and it was big rough running into a full Ariddian World Cup team but I think they can do well. Just need to settle in the first few games. Scarlet Ferris was having dizzy spells today so she's couldn't play. Not quite sure what happened there but one cannot play football being dizzy ... unless you're a Dallas."

Official Venues Report

Matchday 03: Sel Appa vs. Sorthern Northland -- Anila City Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/anila_city_stadium.html)
Matchday 05: Sel Appa vs. Bazalonia -- Turtle Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/turtle_stadium.html)
Matchday 07: Sel Appa vs. Ad'ihan -- NatveZone (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/nativezone.html)
Matchday 08: Sel Appa vs. Dinos Pizza -- NatveZone (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/nativezone.html)
Matchday 09: Sel Appa vs. Minilla Island -- Grand Archduke Kirby I Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/grand_archduke_kirby_i_stadium.html)
Matchday 11: Sel Appa vs. Carcim -- Real Field (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/real_field.html)
Matchday 13: Sel Appa vs. Beer Served Here -- Roflcoptre Dome (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/roflcoptre_dome.html)

Sel Appa Travel Guide (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/travel_in_sel_appa.html)

OOC: Damnit, I've lost my list of potential sponsors for the Bazalopes. If you have been accepted can you please TG me the name(s) of the organisations what are participating.

IC:

As the World Cup qualifiers were getting closer so was the deadline for organisations to submit proposals to the BFSA should they wish to Sponsor the Bazalopes, they had 4 already but wanted more.

Sign ups for organisations wishing to sponsor the tournament will close just before Matchday 3

Andrew Coulter started to push this message every chance he got, at the press conference after the Bazalopes win over the Vephrese and when ever a microphone was stuck in front of his mouth.

The message was relentless, he only hoped it would pay off with a decent tournament.

Secret Telegram to Sorthern Northland:
That is indeed a photograph of an average Bostopian STOP
We have much experience with them in our quasi-partnership/alliance,
despite political and economic differences STOP

OOC: Damnit, I've lost my list of potential sponsors for the Bazalopes. If you have been accepted can you please TG me the name(s) of the organisations what are participating.

IC:

As the World Cup qualifiers were getting closer so was the deadline for organisations to submit proposals to the BFSA should they wish to Sponsor the Bazalopes, they had 4 already but wanted more.

Sign ups for organisations wishing to sponsor the tournament will close just before Matchday 3

Andrew Coulter started to push this message every chance he got, at the press conference after the Bazalopes win over the Vephrese and when ever a microphone was stuck in front of his mouth.

The message was relentless, he only hoped it would pay off with a decent tournament.

To: Andre Coulter, BFSA
From: Debbie Dallas, Dallas International Enterprises

Hi, I'm Debbie Dallas ... yes, the older sister of Dazza Dallas. We heard Bazalopes need a sponsor. Since we've got a bit money floating around since Nedalia has dropped out of the football scene, we'd be interested in sponsoring the Bazalopes.

I don't how much money you need but I think that's best done during negotiations. Please contact me if you think you want us to help. I know my sister has done her best to put a certain image against the Dallas name and I don't think her daughters are helping much either.

Our businesses including Jeruselem's biggest gym franchise (called Debbies after me), a media network, clothing stores, nightclubs (not quite strip clubs but you know), the Tel Aviv Sharks football club (mainly Dazza's thing) and a large rubber chicken factory system in West Ariddia. The rubber chicken factor also makes condoms if you're wondering.

As for actually negotiations, I suspect if Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas (aka Skate) might be the negotiator as I leave it up to my talkative sister or her daughters to do all the talking. If you've dealt with Dazza, Skate isn't any different ... just younger. Fiskin and Hikfie are my daughters.

Debbie Dallas

Kura-Pelland have declared that 'in the interests of fairness' they will only play one player against Violitism, who have one player themselves.

That one player is to be Bo Phelps, making his international debut in bizarre-as-you-like fashion. He has been chosen for his speed, stamina and versatility. The fact he's young enough to not be used to 'normal' international football - even though he's Candelariasian-based now - might help too.

"We have to play fair," insisted Phelps. "And I can't wait to prove myself in this unique environment."

The match has been moved from Shanvley Stadium to the underused Blauwplatz in Eenigen, as nobody really cares for this game now. The expected crowd is around 16,000.

ROBERT: Next topic up for discussion - Dancougar's first match after the Baptism of Fire, and they got lit up by Southern Northland. Three to one the final score; it was tied at the half, though. Pat French saying afterwards the Wings were lucky to get an early match against a highly ranked team, to get the players ready for the tough opponents waiting in group play. Nice spin on the loss, but are you guys buying it? Sharpe?
DREW: Well they did look good in the first half to keep it tied up, and that was a pretty nice goal by Cale, too, just before halftime. You don't hear much from his side of the front, that ought to boost his confidence coming in. (+2) And on the road, too, always makes it tough to play your best football, not too many Dancougar fans made it out to that one, so essentially playing with no support, something they didn't really have to worry about in the Baptism, so seeing how they adjusted, a good experience to have before the qualifiers proper. (+2)
KENJI: But that team looked awfully tired in the second half, they weren't challenging balls with as much energy, I think the gap between them and Southern Northland really showed. (+1) Jing Mao played very well, and he made Tony Travers look foolish on his first goal, he put the same move that Rachel Kneal did, if you remember, in that semifinal game, he hasn't learned from that yet. (+2) Hawkins played a good game, too, but he just took too many shots in the second half, and Mao got them by, the defense definitely has to step up and protect him. (+2)
JAY: I'll say they need to step up. Robert, Northland wasn't starting its best guys; they had John Hernandez start at forward, he's a new face on the team, and he opened the scoring with a lighting strike, nobody bothered to cover the guy! (+2) French is going to need to do something with Travers and Nance, they block up the middle but that's all they've been doing. Against world-class forwards with experience, they're going to get eaten alive. (+2) They need to play more fluidly if they want to handle the pace of the game. (+1)
DREW: I don't think you can put the blame entirely on the defense, they came up with a lot of big stops and Hawkins had some good saves as well. (+1) But you have to tip your hat to Southern Northland, they're a good team with some depth to them, and the Wings never really had a chance in this one. To keep it close up to the half, though, the first half was pretty impressive, but they never got to assert themselves in the midfield. (+2) Morimoto and Leyton were quiet, and that's bad news if you have guys up front, Cale and Ikeda, who rely on the midfield to open things up from time to time and buy them some space. (+2)
ROBERT: Do you still think it's good preparation for the Holy Empire, Adonis?
JAY: The Holy Empire is a much more polished team than Southern Northland, they're going to mop up the Wings at home, three-nil, they're still not ready for this pace.
DREW: Cut 'em some slack, Jay, I'll say they lose two-nil, but they'll only be down one at halftime. I think Morimoto will have a much better game, and that will make it competitive.
ROBERT: Brad, Kenji, who you got?
BRAD: You have to take the Holy Empire. This match leaves them better prepared for teams like Taeshan and Hopeless SC, but this is class versus lower class. Four-one.
KENJI: Where's your team spirit, guys? I'm calling it two-two, the surprise result of day one!
ROBERT: I think you making the first cut might be the surprise result today. Buy or Sell is next, and later... chickens, condoms, and Youtube collide. Is this guy really a professor?
ANNOUNCER: Around the Horn, brought to you by Nassin, who reminds you to move the way you shift through the world.

SportsDesk!
With Iola Morton and Biff Hooper

SPECIAL WORLD CUP REPORT

BIFF. Hello, and welcome to this special edition of SportsDesk. I'm Biff Hooper.

IOLA. And I'm Iola Morton. There are unconfirmed reports as we speak that this program has broken viewing records for Pazhujebi television. Reports of as many as six viewers are flowing into our studio as we speak. If this is the case, then every television in the country is currently tuned to this program. Pressure's on, eh, Biff?

BIFF. It sure is Iola! For those of you not familiar with SportsDesk, Iola and I are supporting characters who occasionally appear in the Hardy Boys Mysteries Book Series. Frank and Joe are very dear friends of ours, and so we hope you won't be offended if Iola and I encourage you to go out and pick up a copy of the new book in the series, which should be coming out soon.

IOLA. That's right. Well, we don't have much to talk about this evening, as the sports world has ground to a halt as the qualifiers for the unprecedented 39th NationStates Football World Cup begin.

BIFF. Absolutely. So, in honor of this great event, Iola and I would like to take a quick look at the draw and make some predictions. Let's start with Group 1. I really see Milchama running away with this group, Iola. Their talent is essentially unmatched.

IOLA. Perhaps by Quakmybush, but it won''t be enough, I agree. Milchama top Group 1 easily.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png

IOLA. How about Group 2, Biff? I look at it a lot of talented sides. One could say that the group is a mess; I won't go that far but I don't envy the Baptism of Fire Champions Dancougar, who will get Bettia, AIF, Vephrall, and Taeshan. A rough introduction to the big leagues. I think Bettia's offensive class will push them through, though.

BIFF. I agree. Bettia are my prediction for World Cup 39 champions, and I think it'll start here for them.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png

BIFF. Now we come to Group 3, where the nation which has offered our friends Frank and Joe honorary citizenship resides, that is, the Pazhujeb Islands. Some were surprised when Jaime Oberlander did away with eight of the players who were on the qualifiers roster last year, opting again for almost exclusively youth. Although Pazhujebi fans are excited about the new-look squad, I'm not sure about the decision, provocative as it may be: I don't think qualification is in the cards for the Urchins. I do, however, think there are giants to be felled here... at the very least I do not expect top seed Demot to finish first.

IOLA. Neither do I, Biff. Who do you have.

BIFF. Jerusalem by a slim margin.

IOLA. Hmm. I too see Demot finishing in second, third, or maybe even fourth place (which would put them out of the competition), depending on how well the Archiregimancy fares, and that's always an adventure to predict.

BIFF. Who do you have winning the group?

IOLA. The Pazhujeb Islands.

BIFF. Wow, that's an innovative choice, even though it's going to be a wrong one.

IOLA. I think they've got it, and I think Jaime Oberlander knows exactly what he's doing. Wait and see.

http://x09.xanga.com/ceac0af343631171291085/z130018532.png

IOLA. Doing away with our disagreements, let's look at Group 4. Walk in the park for the top three seeds, wouldn't you say?

BIFF. Mm hmm.

IOLA. I think this group finishes as it's seeds predict it will. Squornshelous on top, with Wentland and Novapsolu right behind.

BIFF. Maybe not exactly like the seeds, but I definitely agree that Squornshelous can win this group if they put in even the slightest effort, and they will.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png

BIFF. Moving on to Group 5. For me, this is the weakest group in qualifying, and Cafundeu can stroll through this, I'd say. Maybe a point dropped here or there against your Casaris or your Jasīʼyūns, but the top seed prevails here and that'll be nice for manager Franz Braddock. I think this might be Cafundeu's year, Iola.

IOLA. I agree. Always a tough team to face, with great technical ability, Cafundeu should have no problems topping Group 5.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png

BIFF. Iola, how about Group 6? I look at this and see Starblaydia lurking. It seems to me that this is an empire waiting to retake its place on the global stage. It could be this year.

IOLA. Mmmm...

BIFF. Just kidding, I agree. I think Starblaydia misses the big show again and Zwangzug emerge up top here.

IOLA. Yeah, that's it for me as well. A sharp side, this Zwangzug. They've proven that they can push into the latter stages of this tournament, and I expect no major hiccups from the deserving top seed of Group 6.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png

IOLA. Let's have a look at Group 7. Not much to look at, with three vaguely good teams and one definite power. Is it that simple? My gut is telling me no, but I'm chickening out Biff. I like the way Ad'ihan and Sorthern Northland look on paper, but I think the winner will be Sel Appa.

BIFF. Affirmative on that one. It wasn't even a question for me. Sel Appa, and I don't think they lose a match.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel%20appa.png

BIFF. Group 8, Group 8, Group 8! What is it about this number that always seems to attract the sharpest, most skilled, most underrated, most charismatic, and generally best teams into its maw? Well not this year! Just kidding, but only a little. There are some battles to be fought here, and I think when push comes to shove this may be one of the groups we'll all be interested in near the end of qualifying, with Daehanjeiguk and Bostopia sure to be snapping at each others heels the whole way through. But in the end it's Ariddia, oh the old favorites Ariddia, who I think will win this group.

IOLA. I'd have to agree with that. I would be more shocked than that time Joe tried to make it to third base with me if Ariddia didn't emerge victorious over the rest of the pack in Group 8.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

IOLA. I like Group 9, Biff. It's easy to predict and there should be some real fireworks in the matches between the best seeds.

BIFF. Yup.

IOLA. Az-cz, Northern Bettia, and Candelaria and Marquez? You can be sure that there's gonna be one heck of a show in any combination of these teams. Good news for the predictive pundits like us is that none of the other clubs will likely come close. Az-cz unquestionably are the best team in this group, and they'll prove it in their finish.

BIFF. With you one hundred percent, Iola. You like Bettia for champs? I like the Gnomes. They do it again and take two straight World Cup crowns.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png

BIFF. Finally, Group 10. Not a very strong group, Iola.

IOLA. Really weak. It's the weakest group in the whole stage, Biff.

BIFF. Yeah, if it isn't outright the worst group it comes close. A blessing not-so-in-disguise for Tynelia manager Tina Conroy, who should be able to rest on her laurels and ride the current into the finals. Oliverry might cause problems for that campaign, but I still see them in second.

IOLA. That's agree. I don't think Oliverry will be close at all, actually, they'll be too busy playing hockey.

BIFF. You like Tynelia too?

IOLA. Yeah.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tynelia.png

IOLA. Well, everyone, that's all for us at SportsDesk. If you have a television, then enjoy the matches live here on the Pazhujeb Islands Public Access Channel, otherwise maybe Biff and I will see you at a roach pit somewhere. Good night, and good luck.

Thoril had never been to Druidinian before. Afterall, it had only been a year since the Matriarch had allowed the military to exucute the land grab expansion and seize the island of Dunmodrian. There had been little on the island save a few farming villages of the natives. When given the choice of abononing their homeland of pledging alleigance to Demot and keeping their land, the natives quickly pledged. With scouts to guide them, it was just a month before the entire island had been thoroughly search and the first wave of settlers made its' way from the mainland. Now a year later, the island was quickly becoming a pillar of civilization, none more than the beautiful Druidinian at the middle of the island.

Here in the brustling new city, Thoril was searching the streets, trying to find the location of Harthgate. He wondered why his friend had come to this place. From the stories he told while on the squad, Harthgate was more of a moving fortune teller than one to settle down and start a honest business from his gifts. It was true that before Harthgate had left the squad, he had claimed to have a vision. After that, he told Masteron that he needed to leave for personal reasons, but would be back should the squad ever need assistance.

Finally, in a small street off to the side, he saw the building with an old fashioned wooden sign with bright red letters "Harthgate's Channel". He thought it odd that Harthgate couldn't think of anything more original, but he never was quite good when it came making to using words. He strolled down the street and entered the small wooden building. Inside, there were pictures hanging up all along the walls, some showed all the places in the world Harthgate had traveled to, the rest were of some golden object that Thoril had never seen before. He was moving in for a further look when Harthgate put his hand on his shoulder,

"Thoril, my good friend, what brings you to my habitat?"

"My wife... my child Harthgate. Surely you heard of their deaths?"

"No, I can't say I have, I'm sorry for your loss my friend. If you're wishing to convene with them, I'll surely assist you, if I have the chance."

"No, Harthgate. It's something much more than that. I've heard the rumors that you can bring those fallen back to this world. I've been a wreck without the Harthgate. I need you to bring them back for me, so I can get back to my life. So I can live again."

"You speak tragic words Thoril. I can raise the dead, it's true, but I have to have all the right igrediants and preparations. Alas, even if I had them, my power now can not do it. It's been too long, I have to do it within the first week of their passing."

"Is there nothing you can do then? Nothing at all?"

"On my own, I can nothing but allow you to send messages into the Alesian fields, where your son and wife should reside if what I've seen of their lives to be true. You see that object in those paintings right? That object is a part of the staff of Rundron, the first of the Druids. Supposedly the staff will besow upon it the power that Rundron himsielf wielded. Whether that is true or not, does not matter. What matters is that this piece of the staff was broken when Rundron's ancestors were traveling the world, looking for a place to settle. That piece of the staff has the ability to control the lifeforce of any and all sentient beings on this planet. I've searched the world for it, and could not find it. In fact, it was why I came to this island in the first place. If you by some grace of God find this object, and bring it to me, I could attempt to bring your family back to life, but I make no promises that it will work. You must remember, this is all legend. We druids are not magicmakers, my gifts alone are extraordinary in our race. We are more the children of nature and can will her to do our biddings, thus anything dealing with life and the afterlife is not our field."

"I understand Harthgate. Whilst it does sadden me, it gives me hope all the same. Thank you for assistance old friend, I wish you well."

"And I you Thoril. Remember, you are gifted in ways you will never know, and these gifts are why you are soo skilled in your passion of football. It is these gifts that shape your destiny, even if you do not recongize it. If anyone is to find that missing piece, it might as well be you my friend. Fare thee well."

Taeshans sports association of sports anounced today the new sponsorship of there new teams. The new sponsor will be Viagra the medication for men. The new sponsorship announciation is in fact a act to get new jerseys. If someone could make new ones that would be good. We will still use the old errundian made 1st jerseeys because they are infact extremely cool.(can someone please help me find them)As for the new jerseys the home jerseys will be all purple and have green numbers and hve viagra written down the left side, and the alternate will be a green top with purple shorts and viagra written down the right side.
Sincerly,
Ricky zellefrow

On a secon note ashlaeas team nedds a jersey two we have had a survey of sponsorship hopefulls through the people and they have chosen Heath ledger as a sponsorship. The white salamanders will know have an all blue jersey with heath written on the top left and ledger written on the top right
From the desk of the illustripous ruler ricky zellefrow

Could someone do dis for me

MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13414707#post13414707)

Tough draw for Scotchpinestan
Keith Martin, Douglas Journal

After finishing fifth in their group in qualifying for the last World Cup, Scotchpinestan's more veteran squad finds itself with the fourth-highest ranking in their group, seemingly making qualification a distinct possibility.

However, two of the teams ranked ahead of them are Demot and Jeruselem, ranked 10th and 14th respectively. Both teams travle to Scotchpinestan early in qualifying, so the Scotchpine squad's performance in those games will be telling.

Also in the group is the Archregimancy, thought by many to be a squad on the decline. But that doesn't necessarily mean they won't be tough. Also, right on Scotchpinestan's heels in the ranking is the Pazhujeb Islands, who gave an impressive performance at the last Cup of Harmony.

Scotchpinestan's first matchup will be versus Jeruselem at home. The team has again publicly stated their intention to lead all of qualifying in shots on goal. A home matchup against the 14th ranked team in the world would be an ideal place to embark on that quest...and the quest to make the World Cup.

Schedule:

MD 1: vs. Jeruselem
MD 2: at Magnus Valerius
MD 3: vs. Demot
MD 4: vs. The Archregimancy
MD 5: at Evil Polish Donors
MD 6: vs. Blouman Empire
MD 7: at The Pazhujeb Islands
MD 8: at Jeruselem
MD 9: vs. Magnus Valerius
MD 10: at Demot
MD 11: at The Archregimancy
MD 12: vs. Evil Polish Donors
MD 13: at Blouman Empire
MD 14: vs. The Pazhujeb Islands

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 1: @ Lovisa
Lovisa 1
QAZOX 2

As usual, the Pheonix opened on the road, and as usual, they won. A hard-fought 2-1 win at Lovisa sets the Pheonix off on a good start. These young kids didn't show any fear in their international debut, and Kallie Jaus got the Pheonix off to a good start with a goal in the 19th minute.

Both sides battled in the middle of the field for most of the match, and neither side seemed to have an advantage. In the 56th minute, a series of long passes and a timely deflection tied the match up at 1-1, for the home side.

Head Coach Ryan Greenley in the 76th minute sent out Chadwick Jethva for a bit more speed in the later stages, and the gamble paid off as Jethva lead the final attack in the 81st minute, that lead to Anderson Tarricone's winning goal.

Up next for the Pheonix is Minilla Island West, and the match will be played in Estadia Pika, in Pika City. Will the pressure of their first ever home match be too much for the young kids, or will they step up their game and prove why this team is different than past ones?

Summary:
Qazox: Cyrus Stasinos (Yellow Card- 12')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus GOAL- 19'
Lovisa: Yellow Card- 36'
Lovisa: GOAL- 56'
Lovisa: Yellow Card- 63'
Qazox: Letta Smicht (Yellow Card- 63')
SUB: Qazox (Chadwick Jethva for Letta Smicht- 76')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone GOAL- 81'

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus
Tarricone

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS WIN OPENER!!!!

Wombats open up World Cup 39 qualifiers with a 2-0 win over Bull_horns_rule, the first shut-out for the team in almost 20 years. Lead by goals from Claudia Bard and William Diehl in the 30th and 55th minutes, the wombats have started this Cup better than their return 4 years ago.

But the road back to the World Cup itself gets a bit harder as the next match is against Bostopia, in Bostopia. If the wombats can manage to win this game, perhaps qualification is not such a long shot after all.

A Jeruselem football player (in the usual pink and blue strip) and a girl dressed as a fairy ...

Kara: I'm Kara Kool, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. No that isn't the tooth fairy, it's just Jacinta Dallas.
Jacinta: Hey, I am the tooth fairy.
Kara: Whay are you dressed like that?
Jacinta: You'll find out later.

Kara: We're in beautiful Scotchpinestan!
Jacinta: Yes yes, it's nice here.
Kara: Anyway, we played a game of football here too. Jeruselem's 1st real away game for the World Cup XXXIX. Our loss to Ariddia in Ariddia was a friendly so it does not count.
Jacinta: And we won this time, mainly because Scotchpinestan isn't Ariddia.

Kara:
The goal scorers were moi, that annoying Olk character and Jacinta's man Flak Sho. Olk barged his way to the first goal after knocking over half the Scotchpinestan team without getting carded somehow. I headed in the second goal, from a corner sent in my Captain Scooter ... err Scarlet Ferris and finally Flak Sho did a Dazza Dallas falling over imitation after getting tripped over. He personally scored the penalty kick. I think Flak's been learning a bit much from Jacinta here.

Jacinta: Hey, Kara's being a pain here. He was tripped - very obvious.
Kara: Actually, I was. Very obvious trip.
Jacinta: So, an easy sorta win for Jane's team! Good start for our Jane Sanderson.
Kara: Actually, we could have played a bit better. I think a few players are out of formation still.

Jacinta: We'll sort that out, but it's still 3 golden points.
Kara: Yes, better than nothing.
Jacinta: Our next game is at home. And it's our favourite God fearing team!
Kara: The Archregimancy come to visit which should be very interesting. I fully expect good game and some strange events to happen.

Jacinta: Like what? Monk mania?
Kara: I don't that happens in Jeruselem unless it's Dazza mania. I'm sure something is going happen and I fully expect one of your relatives to be involved.
Jacinta: Never!
Kara: Oh yes, the Monks played The Pazhujeb Islands and no one won. No one scored either, one of those NIL all draws. They'll be tested when they play us at home for real.

Jacinta: Demot drew 2 ALL with Magnus Valerius in the shock of the group. Demot are ranked 10th vs Magnus Valerius in 73rd spot.
Kara: Demot really should have won that one but that's football.
Jacinta: Jeruselem don't top the group, no ... that's Blouman Empire who blew away some Evil Polish Donors.
Kara: Actually, that's a big win considering where those two are ranked.

Jacinta: Yes, being a Polish Donor is evil it seems.
Kara: I think the Polish bit is enough.
Jacinta: She's meaner than I!
Kara: Funny results today. The Monks and Demot didn't get three points.

Jacinta: Group 4, our Jeru FC played that lovechild named team called Yafalonia and Bazor2. Alfredo Neves is doing something right as Jeru FC blew away the opposition 4-1. That's a great start for our army boys.
Kara: Yes, but if you're ranked 49th you'd expect to beat a team ranked that low. Jeru FC are ranked just above Scotchpinestan and The Pazhujeb Islands.
Jacinta: Yes, I'm sticking to Jeru FC being 4th unless they get real lucky.
Kara: It's a tough road for Alfredo Neve's team but they'll do their best.

Jacinta: Qazox and Ariddia won but Hikfie's beloved Bostopia only managed a 1 ALL draw with Cadarnia. Kelly Firth's boys missed on a golden chance for 3 points.
Kara: I think Bostopia like to make things hard for themselves.
Jacinta: I think they like the thrill! Say, what's up with Bostopia and Sorthern Northland.
Kara: Well, I don't think the Bostopian Emperor looked like that fella. I know, I'm Jewish.

Jacinta: Oh well, time for YAP YAP.
Kara: The fairy dress?

Jacinta:
Well, Razzle Dazzle - that's the Dallas clothing store were cleaning out the warehouse and found all this fancy dress stuff. We have to get rid of it, so we're selling it off real cheap. This does includes lots of fairy dresses like this one. So for the entire World Cup 39, it's a big sale on fancy dress. You name it, we've got it! Including kinky stuff which I'm not allowed to wear on TV.

Kara: That suits you really. I don't suppose there's any Mother Mary robes there.
Jacinta: That too! Sale start tomorrow. Don't miss out! For those Monk fans, there's plenty of Monk robes too. All colours!
kara: Good, I'll get a few for winter.
Jacinta: That's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE.

Kara: Don't miss the big game, Jeruselem vs Monks at Dazza Dallas Stadium.
Jacinta: Support the monks by buying a Monk robe at Razzle Dazzle. Look the part. Hopefully some real Monks from Jeruselem will turn up too.
Kara: I don't that's going to happen.
Jacinta: I'm sure some will sneak in.

Group 3
Magnus Valerius 2–2 Demot
Scotchpinestan 0–3 Jeruselem
The Archregimancy 0–0 The Pazhujeb Islands
Evil Polish Donors 0–4 Blouman Empire

Group 4
Jeru FC 4–1 Yafalonia and Bazor2

"LIVE from Milchama it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Milchama for the first qualifing match for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Milchama, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "This should be a drool-knocker of a match tonight!"

<plays Milchama's national anthem>

RJ: "And here come the home team, one of the group favorites, and the crowd is chanting their national chant and here come the Prawns!!!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd boos loudly.>

RJ: "This crowd doesn't seem to like the Prawns at all, and I think it's getting to them...."

Coach: " Yep this isn't a friendly crowd at all."

RJ: "And there's the opening kickoff and Matt Victor Paulsen has it.. He dribbles and it's taken away...

<cut to 34th minute>

RJ: " and Milchama's Kenji Miller sets up for the penalty kick. The kick was given after Juan Senna tried to choke Noach Morelia with the ref's whistle. Miller lines up and... just over the head of Norton.. 1-0 Milchama."

Coach: "I think a Yellow Card was too harsh there, RJ."

RJ: "That's what you get for trying to bend the rules. A new kickoff and Matt Victor Paulsen passes it to Rick Bowley...."

<cut to 73rd minute>

Coach: "What a cheap shot there, and the referee doesn't even call it!! Mr. Nicnann is furious and comes out onto the field and starts chewing out the ref!"

RJ: "And OH MY DOG!!! Mr. Nicnann has been sent to the locker room!!! The referees aren't paying attention and Chris Jerusalem has inserted himself into the match, for James Nobel and the ref didn't see it!"

Coach: "If the ref doesn't see it, it's legal in my eyes."

RJ: "Jerusalem gets the ball from Mikey James, and GOAL!!!! And the referee's now trying to find out if Jerusalem was in legally, and the goal counts!!! It's tied up at 1 late here in Milchama!"

Coach: "That was smart of Jeruselem to jump in all fresh, as Milchama' defense clearly wasn't expecting that."

RJ: "Right you are.. Milchama now kicks it off.."

<Cut to 87th minute>

RJ: "Senna's trying to take the ball from Avi Belmowitz, and Belmowitz ducks under Senna's clothesline and shoots..dogdamn it. It's now 2-1 Milchama, as Norton's Geeseton Bomb on the shot missed and he accidently knocked it into the net!!"

Coach: "That's why it's called a high-risk move, RJ. If he hits it, then it's still tied up, but he messed it up and now the Prawns might lose this match."

<END of match>

RJ: "Well, the result was a closer match than most expected, but in the end Milchama managed to put the Prawns down 2-1, and now we head back to Prux to take on Kura-Pelland. For Coach Johnatonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you in Pruxton!"

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

COUP!

There has been a military coup in the Pazhujeb Islands. All members of the Senate and the National Committee, the two most important bodies of the Pazhujebi Congress (also known as the Pazhujebi Imperial Commission) have been imprisoned. No deaths have been reported, yet.

Until further notice, citizens who receive scrolls such as this one, i.e. ones that are marked "Official Decree of the Pazhujebi Imperial Commission," should be aware that such declarations are not being made by elected government officials, but by a coalition of military generals.

Should the Pazhujeb Islands need any foreign intervention in lieu of this crisis, we will certainly keep the international community informed. However, for the well-being and safety of ordinary Pazhujebi citizens, we request that no physical acts be taken, though foreign diplomacy with the leaders of this coup is strongly encouraged.

Historically, this has been a tinder box simply waiting to happen. Our small island nation has always had a popular, powerful, and large military, and in recent years politicians seemed to have been going out of their way to appease military leaders, perhaps expecting that if military needs were not met, that this would happen.

In terms of the footballing community, for the general welfare of the 23 players of the Pazhujeb Islands national football team and its staff, the side's first and second home matches will not be held on Pazhujebi soil. We are currently looking for a nation that would be willing to accomodate us, at least until this crisis becomes less ominous, so that World Cup 39 qualifying matches which are considered "home" matches for the Pazhujeb Islands would be played at a neutral venue. Again, this would be a purely temporary arrangement.

Thank you. Good luck to all of you.

(OOC: This is all purely IC, I'm just doing it to shake things up for fun. TG me or RP about it here if you have anything to offer on this neutral venue request.)

From: Rodolfo Bolúfero, Vice-President of Football Operations, Capitalizt SLANI
To: Pazhujebi Football Association

Having seen your request for a neutral venue for your World Cup 39 qualifying fixtures against Evil Polish Donors and Jeruselem, Capitalizt SLANI is willing to facilitate the use of the Aeropag Olympic Stadium. The stadium has a seating capacity of 107 596, of which twenty-five thousand tickets would be provided to each association. The playing surface, as with most stadia in the Unified Capitalizt States, is an artificial material that is nearly indistinguishable from natural grass, although it could be altered for a reasonable fee.

Although most travellers get to Aeropag via of the three major airports located in the Jativan Islands, we understand that your nation does not have an operational runway. We recommend that you contact one of the several reputable seaplane services that provide direct access to Aeropag (their addresses are printed on the enclosed sheet), as they should be able to provide transportation for your supporters.

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: The Coup in the Pazhujeb Islands

Fellow nations: we rejoice in the visit of our new friends from the Pazhujeb Islands, who - while neither Orthodox nor Christian to the best of our knowledge - come from a non-technological paradise with no running water. We're sure they feel right at home here in the Archregimancy.

However, last night's rather insipid 0-0 draw between our two nations has been rather overshadowed by news of a coup in the Pazhujeb Islands, following which - due to apparent concerns for the players' safety - an announcement has been made that the nation's forthcoming home matches will be played at a neutral venue.

Given the uncertain and potentially dangerous situation in their homeland, we would be failing in our Christian duty if we allowed last night's opponents to return home without receiving some sort of assurance for their safety. We have therefore not opened a portal from the Dreamed Realm back to the Pazhujeb Islands, and our visitors are currently being offered temporary sanctuary in a safe location. Unless we receive a commitment from the new 'Pazhujebi Imperial Commission' guaranteeing that no member of their national team - or accompanying officials - will be imprisoned or harmed, we will not allow the team to return.

We have no intention of otherwise restricting the team's freedom to travel in any way; they are merely our guests. A portal will be made available for them to travel to their next match, whether to an away or neutral venue.

Regrettably, we cannot offer sanctuary to our visitors beyond the next match day unless they convert to Orthodoxy and become monks, but we hope they feel welcome here during this uncertain time.


Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

DANCOUGAR'S FUNERAL

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I
UNDER the Great Hippodrome’s light the crowd.
A bundle of tempestuous cloud is blown
About the sky; where that is clear of cloud
Brightness remains; a brighter star shoots down;
What shudders run through Dancougar’s doubt?
What is this sacrifice? Can someone there
Recall when all opponents seemed like lambs somewhere?

Rich decorations that the starlight glittered through,
A frenzied crowd, and where the gold stands sprang
A beautiful seated boy - a win he vows;
A woman, and her husband seated far too long.
Alejandro fair, image of a star laid low,
He sees Dancougar’s Hawkins off his line,
Cuts out his heart. Some master of design
Stamped Stylites and Hawkins upon this moment’s coin.

An age is the reversal of an age:
Our team now murders Boskov, Barclay, Nance;
They play like men upon a gilded stage.
What matter for the scene, the scene once gone:
It has now touched our lives. But superior play,
Has now dragged brave Dancougar down.
None share their guilt; nor did we play a part
Upon this gilded stage when the Empire took their hearts.

Come, fix upon me that accusing eye.
I thirst for accusation. All that was sung,
All that was shouted from the terraces was it a lie?
Bred out of the contagion of the throng,
Save what the Black Wings heard before they died.
Leave nothing but the nothings that belong
To this bare soul, let all men judge that can
That our XI were superior to a man.

II
The rest I pass, one sentence I unsay.
Had Stylites not cut out Hawkins’ heart
With that first minute chip upon the day
Would Dancougar have been ripped apart?

Had Nance better marked Phocaso, the Black Wings
Best tactics had been then applied,
Or lacking that, they had not heard our fans sing.
Perhaps 4-0 they might not then have died.

Had even Ikeda -- but I name no more --
Shot to the net, when unmarked in solitude;
When through our strong defence he passed, and then
plucked bitter wisdom that enriched his blood.

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

Cup Underway

In a fitting tribute to the Jarissian soccer tradition, the team went out and did what they do best in their first match upon returning to international play. That is, put up a 0-0 scoreless draw against Gweridijongya. Some feel this might be a disappointing result as Jariss was the higher ranked team, however it can also be said that the emotions running through this first match were almost overwhelming at times.

A moment of silence was held before the game in memory of those lost in the tsunami. With the official “Jarissian Relief Fund Hotline’ phone number showing at the bottom of the television screens during the match, both teams started out cautiously, Jariss in fact seemed to be playing more not to lose than win in their first match back. Coach Banama appears to have wanted to make sure the team would not lose its opening match under these circumstances.

In the end it seems there was no danger in that. The tortoise-like Jarissian defense gave the visitors no openings to take advantage of with only a pair of long shots and Tali Vindu on offense had only three medium distance shots, none of which came close to scoring.

At match’s end the fans, who it seemed numbered the entire population of the isle as the Arena was nearly full today, went home happy to see the team still remembered how to place defense as only Jariss can and a point in hand moving on to the next match.

Further good news came when the Jariss Releief Association announced that over 30,000 sindus were pledged during the match and that more volunteer phone operators will be needed for the next match as phones were ringing off the hook all match long.

THE EMPIRE TIMES

The Empire begins Foray

The draw has been made the matches scheduled now it is time for the qualifying round to begin, with the hearts and hopes of the entire empire to qualify for the Cup proper. Manager Luke Danner said "I have strong confidence that we can proceed past the qualifying stage, while we are up against some strong teams the team has the strength and the skill to roll over any challenges that come our way" while the manager believes that they can do it former player and manager of the Port Fansat Football Club and now commentator and The Empire Times sports columnist Henry Tollinger has stated "Luke Danner and the team are underestimating their opponents it will be a hard slog for them and I fear that they will be coming home after finishing in the bottom half of the qualifying group", Captain Sam Kiamar replied "While I agree that it is a hard slog and this will be our first international tournament not counting our recent Baptism of Fire campaign, we can do it and quite easily make it past the qualifying stage". The Baptism of Fire tournament the empire finished third in its group just failing to qualify for the semi-finals.

The FFB has also issued a warning to all fans not to travel to The Pazhujeb Islands while the empire is playing there this is in agreement with the Empire's updated travel warning for all citizens to restrict travel to the region only if essential, the FFB issued a press release saying that the team will go their to play but will be given a heavy guard and hopes that a suitable neutral venue can be sought.

The empires play the following teams in this order with a reverse fixture after a short break Evil Polish Donors (away), Demot (away), The Pazhujeb Islands (home), Jeruselem (away), Magnus Valerius (home), Scotchpinestan (away), The Archregimancy (home). While the manager has complete confidence in his team and the team believes they can qualify it is in this reporters opinion is that they will not qualify finishing 3rd or 4th with Demot and Jeruselem qualifying 1st and 2nd respectively.

“Brother James! The results are in, our team has not been shunned by the lord of Scores after Brother lee was not named the coach after all! 1-0 we have defeated the Dancers To a Revolution!” Brother Henry babbled excitedly as he burst into his superior’s sanctuary.

“Dance 2 Revolution Brother Henry. They may not be of our faith but that is no reason to misname them.” Brother James replied calmly. “Perhaps you are right though my soul is torn with uncertainty. A lone goal is not much but it is said the opponent was a good team going in and our faithful were on the road, so the Lord of Scores blessed us sufficiently to win.” Brother James concluded.

“The faithful Brother James? The team has converted? Even the false Othydoxyian?” Brother Henry asked confused.

Sighing silently to himself, Brother James wished Brother Michael was still here instead of being in the Land of Penalty Kicks at the side of the Lord of Scores and the prophetess Margaret. Brother Henry was still young and excitable, not the best combination for the monks. Still Brother James replied “No Brother Henry, they have not seen the Lord of Scores’ light, but they are indeed His faithful as they try to do His will and score more than the foe. True acts even done in ignorance lose nothing of their truth.”

“Of course Brother James. I am sorry, I know I am a trial to you sometimes.” Brother Henry apologized.

“It is just the folly of youth my Brother, you will grow out of it in time.” Brother James assured him.

At that moment a young woman also wearing a monk’s robe respectfully entered the doorway of the sanctuary, not wishing to intrude. Seeing the woman Brother James smiled and waved for her to enter.

“Ah Brother Sister Emily, good to see you my child.” Brother James smiled as the first female monk of the order, since joined by others in the past two years, stepped inside. A much debated step taken by the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy in their last Religious Policy Making Meeting, as no one could find any monkly order admitting women yet no one could see why the Lord of Scores could only be followed by men as it was the Lady Margaret who in fact stood at the right hand of the Lord of Scores. In the end it was almost universally agreed to let them enter, a move which greatly increased the number of potential recruits. However it was also deemed that calling them ‘Brother’ was inappropriate as they were women. But yet all monks were to be named Brother so that none would stand over the rest except through wisdom and faith and to name them ‘Sister’ was non-Othydoyian it was believed. In the end it was Brother James himself who came up with the title of ‘Brother Sister’ so that both needs were met. In fact Brother James was most happy of the results since it was his niece, the same Brother Sister Emily here, who in fact instigated this when she told her unlce that she wanted to join.

“Brother James, the foul heretics of the Archregimancy continue to suffer under the Lord of Scores’ curse. Not only did they suffer a draw against a lower ranked team. But the Lord of Scores did not once offer a single one of his blessings. Certainly they will see the light after all their troubles since they tried to silence His voice?” Brother Sister Emily insisted with a fanatical gleam in her eyes.

“That is true, the false monks must seek His forgiveness before their efforts will again be rewarded but they are a stubborn lot there, not used to seeing evidence of a power greater than the one they believe in. Perhaps in time they may see the truth, but it can not be rushed Brother Sister Emily. They will come to His light when they are ready.” Brother James answered.

“But…” Brother Sister Emily began before she was cut off by the raised hand of Brother James.

“No more my children, as you both seem to have forgotten, this is a place of sanctuary where I may meditate on the glory of the Lord of Scores. Please leave me to return to my contemplations. Brother Henry, inform me when dinner is ready.” Brother James said dismissing the two who bowed and left the chamber.

Ah to be so young and vibrant again. I’m an old man now. Perhaps it is time for another to lead the way now that the path has been cut and the seeds planted and blooming. My Lord of Scores, I ask thee for a sign. Is my day now past or do You still have duties that I must yet fulfill in thy name? Brother James asked the heavens as he closed his eyes and waited for an answer.

OOC: Man I have to be quicker

THE BLOUMAN EMPIRE

The Empire football team has begun their campaign well with a 4-0 win over the Evil Polish Donors teenager Christopher Speed scored two with Fox and Juckson scoring one each. The empire never looked like losing having the run of the play for the entire game and a final possession of 69%. With the team up by 3-0 at half time Manager Luke Danner instructed the team to play around with the ball and play it slow so as to not tire themselves out for later games, at the 60th minute Danner mad two substitutions to give other players some more international match time, Adam Issacs went on for Ahron Bricker in the left back position and Lord Jason Konogger replaced Steven Holdings in the midfield, however, 5 minutes later Lord Konogger was tackled late causing some pain and discomfort and so was substituted with Christopher Notting. The team doctor has given Lord Konogger the all clear and will be available in the next game. The final goal was scored by Jack Juckson after a shot by Speed hit the crossbar and bounced back towards Juckson who placed it in the back of the net. The win places the empire on the top of the group table on goal difference

Manager Danner said of the game "It was a good win and a good game, however this is not the end and I consider that game as a warm up for tougher opponents we are about to meet, but I am happy to take the three gimme points and congratulate the team on a great effort" The team now head over to Demot considered to be their hardest game of the qualifying round where the prospects of the team will able to be evaluated. Captain Kiamar says of the upcoming match "Demot is a powerful team one where we will struggle against their international and world cup experience but I am confident that my team will hold them at bay and get the ball in the back of the net a couple of times, with the fans behind us and another strong performance from the team we will crush Demot like they are a team ranked 176th" It is this reporters opinion that the best the empire can hope for is a draw of that I am confident.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Wing Wang Woo don't win. Woot!

A 3-1 victory against Wing Wang Woo saw Zwangzug's national football squad start trying to qualify for World Cup 39. This is its 7th try, so it can induct a 2nd individual into halls of footballing immortality-but nobody knows who its first pick is, so don't wait on #2. Wing Wang Woo, which is now participating in its first qualification try, had its first match in Zwangzug, taking part in an championship of squads just as young. But two goals from Olson and a solo shot from Gary Maini had Zwangzug triumph.

Zwangzug has six squads to play against until a trip to Az-cz to play football's champions. First up is a squad from Landau hospital, which had a match against an all-star squad including a Zwangzug "idol" (that's Dunboor fans' word). Zwangzug coach Mcgimpy is probably hoping this star can inform his squad about its opposition. Also, Aziz Frajut and Zacarias (two guys from Zwangzug), along with folks from many nations, built that squad's robotic coach.

Following that is Starblaydia, an old dynasty slowly surging back again, and Lovisa, infamous but still Cup of Harmony champions (Zwangzug won that, and got through its following qualification too, so watch out.). On qualification's last matchday, Zwangzug will play Qazox. QSPN.com bills "instant classics" from that matchup, and might know a thing or two. Zwangzug vs. Qazox (in football) is, so far, invariably a win for that squad with a low rank in comparison to its opposition.

But Zwangzug's squad has a high rank (that is, is a good squad-not a rank of #100+), and will probably qualify. If so, it will go to Valanora or a Capitalizt SLANI stadium. It's not too familiar with Valanora, having only had 1 match in that nation (though Kucinich, in Zwangzug's squad, will soon play in a club in that nation). But with Capitalizts hosting, Zwangzug has won many an important match (World Cup 36 and Cup of Harmony 25).

Having said that will probably jinx it. Too bad.

“该死,” Benji Fu muttered under his breath as a rather expensive new trainer squelched down into an uncertain substance. He wasn’t sure what the curse meant – it was his father’s catch-all word orally representing any degree of annoyance. Benji generally stuck with the more earthy phrases of the anglophone Candelarias, but nothing else seemed really suitable when your custom-made, six-hundred rupees* adibok trainers have just been mushed into a dead dog.

At least down this ally he was protected from the driving rain, but he didn’t like to think what might be lurking down here. Still, this looked like the place. He leant against a slimy wall and fished in a pocket for the shred of paper he’d found there yesterday. “Minnaarsstraat. Two AM,” he read again to himself under the light of his mobile. The grubby little sign opposite hinted, by the clever use of the term “Minnaarsstraat”, that he’d correctly counted the narrow roads coming off the larger street correctly. This had been number twenty-seven, on the left-hand side.

Fu checked the time. It was five past two, and the horrible thought flitted through his mind that his mystery man might have upped and left already. Strictly speaking, the Candelariasian defender didn’t care. Questions in life that didn’t involve football, drums, sex or food didn’t rate highly with Benji Fu, and he would be more than happy spending the rest of his days in blissful ignorance as to why anyone would want to meet him in the middle of night, in some grotty little hovel in the humblest quarter of Bloedmeer, the uninviting capital of the United Socialist States of Endmile. It simply didn’t bother him in the least, not when there were victories to be savoured and young women with low self-esteem to be benefited from. No, this was the sort of issue to be met with a furrowed brow and a dismissive wave of an arm.

Which was why he’d spent most of the night wading through the local guide book to find this godforsaken little fleapit while the rest of the squad got shamefully drunk and generally got on with the serious business of doing all the things they didn’t dare do on Candelariasian shores when the people from the Mercury were hiding round every corner. And why when everyone else was either asleep or otherwise occupied he’d snuck out of the hotel, evaded the armed guards protected the visiting C&M team from The Mile, and made his way out into the near-deserted city, taking special care to avoid letting any passer-by see his incongruously oriental features. He’d worked his way down the street, counting each thin opening under his breath until some officially-unofficial-looking person had shouted over to him. Fu had ignored him, and continued in a shuffling, muttery manner down the road and round a corner, at which point he’d broken out into a run. There’d been shouts and pounding footsteps behind him for a while, but his pursuers eventually gave up and he was able to continue the search for the Minnaarsstraat.

He tried to get his breath back as he made a cursory effort to dry himself off. He hadn’t realised quite how unfit he’d become. Sure, he’d played an international football match earlier in the day, but that was no excuse. C&M had been utterly, stupidly dominant against Endmile, and the game had been over as a contest before even the half-time whistle when Iggy Vélez had finished off his hat-trick. Revolution Arena had been practically empty by the time the home side had been able to launch any decent attacks, and Fu’s partner in defence Lorenzo De Wilde, who was young, athletic and had a natty little goatee, had dealt with the USSE’s three lumps up front with ease. Benji had seen a fair amount of the ball, but it mostly involved passing to De Wilde to his left, or upfield a metre or so to Ben Head. On one brief, exciting occasion he’d gone up front when O’Sullivan Caras had had a corner, but he miss-timed an effort to get his head to the ball. Ramiro Novo scored his first competitive goal instead.

Indeed, the only other point when the commentators back home would’ve felt the need to mention his name was when the youngest opposition striker had performed a little trick and left Fu in the penalty area on his arse. That was the captain’s one contribution – stopping C&M from equalling their best ever scoreline. Oh sure, Caras would go on to put another cross in and Matteo Corradini would toe-poke it home. But that just made it five-one. Nobody would be able to pronounce the name of the kid that provided that blemish, but the name of ‘Fu’ would be remembered for a long time. “What a great result,” they’d say. “What a great performance. Pity about ‘Pity The’ Fu, though.” “Yeah. There’s always one who has to let the side down, isn’t there?”

They’d played so well though. It almost made one forget the old days. Almost…

He watched the ink run on the scrap of paper sadly. He didn’t care about this, he knew. He’d left a proper rockin’ party for this, and a young lady who’d spent twenty minutes attempting to explain Marx’s theory of alienation to him, but who in the long-term had probably been up for a bit of wotzit. It wasn’t as though there was any real intrigue to all this, anyway. He knew perfectly well that The Mile, the country’s notorious hooligans, would be behind this; coaxing him to a deserted spot where they could get some manner of revenge for their team’s crushing defeat. That, or someone was after a ransom. Kidnapping was just the sort of thing that probably went on in this kind of place. He didn’t care though, really. About anything very much.

“Denk niet zelfs over zich het omdraaien!”

Fu gulped and turned around slowly. There was a figure, just the one mind, but his face was unseen in the shadows.

“Wie zijn u? Verklaar uw identiteit!” the shape barked.

“Uh… Erm, what, sorry? I’m just a tourist, I-I-I…”

Fu flinched as a hand shot out towards him, but he quickly realised the figure was trying to place a comforting hand on the footballer’s shoulder.

“It’s a bloody good thing you are a ‘tourist’, Benj. I’d’ve been screwed if a local had heard me speaking cod Endmili.”

The voice was slightly different, and the grin emerging from the gloom had a fresh new look to it. But it was unmistakably him.

“Gaffer…?” Fu whispered. “Mark. You’re not dead?”

“Did my hand waft through your shoulder?” Mark Baker asked.

“It felt pretty solid.”

“Well then. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you before, Benj, I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity.”

Fu frowned. “Looklooklook… Just hang on a tick… Ricardo told me he’d spoken to you. Right before his breakdown.”

Baker raised an eyebrow. “The key word there is breakdown, I rather think, the poor old sod.”

“Then I’m proper drunk… Or maybe there’s some… druggy… stuff** affecting me. Someone’s probably brewing some glue in one of those houses. I wouldn’t be surprised, you’d need it to put up with living here.”

“Oh, stop being so melodramatic, lad,” the old manager snapped. “It’s a perfectly pleasant country. It just happens to be dark and wet right now. A perfectly pleasant country with rather strict immigration laws I might add, so I really want to make this quick…”

“Oh. Look, it’s um… It’s good to see you. Alive an’ all.”

Baker smiled. “Well, and you…” he said awkwardly. “Um. Black man hug? There we go…” Baker patted Fu on the back for a moment and stepped backwards. “Look, you really ought to be getting back to the hotel before anyone notices you’ve gone. But… Will you do something for me?”

Fu wiped the rain out of his eyes. “Of course.”

“Win.”

The defender waited for some elaboration. “We are winning, sir,” he offered.

“Oh, I know. Good all-round team performance an’ everything. But… It’s Endmile.”

“It’s an easy group though. The gnomes and the gogs aside, of course.”

“I know… on the face of it. But I can’t help not trusting Donnelly…”

“Oh, he’s fine sir. Nowhere near as good as you were, of course.”

“I meant his motives rather than his footballing acumen. I can’t help foreseeing you guys in honourable defeats to the big two, and then somehow loosing against Jariss or Nire–”

“Or Nire.”

“Or Nire, absolutely.”

“But… Why wouldn’t he want us to qualify?”

“If he’s in the pay of our favourite minister… Think about it Benj, if we reach the finals there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’s going to be in Valanora. There’s no way the powers that be would want that.”

“Thing is, gaffer… I’m not really sure what I could do about it. I’m barely scraping into the first team. Some’ve said, y’know, on merit I shouldn’t even be there.”

“You shouldn’t,” Baker told him flatly. “You’ve been rubbish for Albrecht lately. Sorry. But you’re the captain, Benj. You’ve always been the captain, even when Waddo had the armband. The other lads have always looked to you for inspiration. I don’t care how you do it but if it looks like Donnelly’s got another agenda…”

Baker trailed off darkly and Fu nodded. They shared an uncomfortable moment.

“Well then,” the older man ventured eventually. “Best be off. People to see, elves to do.”

“How’re you going to get out of Endmile, though?”

“Elven teleportation device.”

“Ah.” That didn’t seem unreasonable, all things considered. “How does it work?”

Baker shrugged. “I have t’draw some complex sigils on the ground in dragonskin chalk, and whisper the incantation of Miror Kplem.”

“Gosh.”

“Although to save time, I often just press this button.”

Baker jabbed at his chest and waved as he disappeared.

Fu wiped his eyes again, clenched his fists purposefully, and marched back out into the rain.

__________________

*Reformed Pounds. More correctly pronounced ‘erpees’, leading to all sort of tedious finance/std-based political satire in the early nineties.

**Candelariasians are usually a tad unclear about this sort of thing. They’re like yer nan, on the whole

World Cup Qualifying – MD1

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_supermarket.png The Supermarket : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
2:2 (1:1)


Match Report:

The Supermarket – The first match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against The Supermarket last night and ended in a 2-2 draw. The bran new manager for Acapais, Stephanie Horne, is unbeaten after two games.

The match started slowly as the competing nations took a good twenty minutes to get a feel for one another. After some comfortable saves from Junxton in the first half hour, Derek Sample’s cross to Pablo broke the dead lock with a near post header to beat keeper, Danny Nappies. The Supermarket keeper had his work cut out for him in the last 15mins of the first half with three brilliant saves. A bad pass from Brad Sample in the Acapan third led to an easy finish for Dave Trolley. Both teams went into the looker room with one goal a piece.

The second half started with a very quick pace and it took only a quarter hour for Charlie Champagne to volley Colin Coffee’s cross for the third goal of the match. Dave Lugini came on as a sub in the 69th minute and equalized for Acapais with a close range, far post shot nearly ten minutes later. At full-time the teams were level, so they will split the points for matchday one.

Scoring:
Acapais – Pablo (D. Sample) 33
The Supermarket – Trolley (unassisted) 44
The Supermarket – Champagne (Coffee) 61
Acapais – Lugini (Fronberry) 78

Booking:
Acapais – Nick Daniels (caution; Reckless foul) 37
The Supermarket – Pete Pineapple (caution; Unsporting behavior) 51
Acapais – Derek Sample (caution; Reckless foul) 76

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton
2 - Bradly Sample
3 - Derek Sample
4 - Nick Daniels (Rex Agitril 84)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 - Pablo (Benjamin Nelson 74)
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar (Dave Lugini 69)
9 - Henry Paroe
11 - Al Vick Osman
10 - Jose Castro

The Supermarket Starting Lineup:
1 - Danny Nappies
2 - Pete Pineapple
3 - Alex Beer
5 - Fred Trout
4 - Johan Yogurt
6 - Colin Coffee
8 - Keith Pork Chop
11 - Connor Rice
7 - Dave Trolley
9 - Colin Cucumber
10 - Charlie Champagne

Next Match:

vs. Cafundéu http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=10)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=68)
Friendly vs. Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=74)
WCQ – MD1

Sports Inquiry - "Hopeless Beyond Belief"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: ?
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Well, it wasn’t quite the rout as I anticipated, but if you’re the average joe, a 5-1 thrashing is still just as bad. Everything about this Han squad is so wrong! The coach – Cha Beomgeun – is a flourishing relic whose only claim to fame is winning the Baptism of Fire. The players are either too young or too old, and the stars have since past years lost their flare. Take the match against Ariddia! The solitary goal came off the upstart Jeong Jihun, who’s also starting to age. Where’s the talent in our youth? You have only to look at the U21 World Cup performance to see where we’re heading – for crying out loud, the team got inspiration from an ex-convict whacking a stick on and off the pitch! Are they so buried in their books, trying to become the best scientists, researchers, politicians, or whatever else it is that they want to do? If you ask me, we’re doing this system the wrong way; we need an Imperial Academy of Football, to cultivate the talent for football in the Empire, rather than randomly choose the “good” players from the high school and college teams to play. In this way, our elite team of ex-convicts with whacking sticks can shape them into top form. This Academy would revitalize the Imperial Team’s form and get us into Qualification. And the first step to getting this damned institution on the right order is to get Cha Beomgeun out of the National Coach position! He’s holding back our talent even further.

But of course, we have Krytenia coming to the Han for a visit, and based on our knowledge of their team, we’re going to loss to a bunch of freshmen. The most experienced players only have 14 international caps, and over all, they acquired 16 goals over their lifetime. For this reason, I feel that tomorrow’s match will be a simple 0-1 loss. I wouldn’t be too surprised if we drew out 0-0 though, but if you’re seen the state of our defense recently, you’ll never believe that they have any chance to qualify, especially against the likes of Ariddia, Bostopia, and Ulzaxid. The first team we’ve seen already, and they’re so poor beyond belief, yet they’ve managed to develop a superb football team. The second team is apparently a bunch of extremist fascists who play football from aboard tanks. And the last team is a team full of ghosts that beat the likes out of Krytenia, so we can anticipate whatever we play against Krytenia will be so much worse against Ulzaxid. Oh, how can the Imperial Team face even against Cadarnia, who withstood the blitzkrieg of Bostopia to a dull 1-1 draw?

Precisely my point! The people of the world claim that the Han a burgeoning force in the world of football, when in truth, they’re all just a bunch of paper tigers. There is no honor in playing against the Han on any field, because if we lose, it is expected; if we win, it’s more sorrowful for the losing team, who are expected to win! And then you’ve got the blind fans who cheer regardless whether the Imperial Team is winning or losing. Sometimes I wonder if the referees are deaf as well, with some of those rancid insults spilt by the people in the stands – there’s no justice in football, whether you’re a player, a fan, or a referee. Or a coach, but then again, Cha Beomgeun isn’t the top of the elite, never was and never will be. If you get anything out of this rant, you’ll file a petition to the IFA urging them to drop Cha Beomgeun.

"Hello and welcome once again to Good evening Sorthern Northland. Godd evening!"

"A short program tonight I'm afraid as SNTV has decided to cut this programme short in order to show a lengthy film about Cinna the Poet."

"Who is this Cinna guy anyway?"

"Dunno, was he at the World Cup draw? Think him and O'Bagels may have talked."

"Oh hey look, this Cinna guy looks a lot like the guy portrayed in all that statues put up recently."

Oh yeah he does, how weird."

"Well lets move on to why we're here. Ad'ihan versus Sorthern Northland."

"Yeah a good performance from the team today, useful eleven played no subs made and I think it's fair to say we deserved our win."

"We won?!"

"Yep, one nil, Ben O'Bagels in the twenty second minute with the goal."

"Wow, a bit of a shock result."

"Not the only one amigo, next opponents Dinos Pizza held Sel Appa to a two all draw."

"Wow fantastic result for the Pizza Boys, and we're playing them next?"

"I believe so yes, and on paper it's a easy win for us but then on paper Sel Appa should have thrashed them, we'll have to be wary of complacency and as long as we are we should be ok."

"Right, grand now lets move on to the Bostopia war, any new information?"

"The threat level is still at CRITICAL, so remember be on the lookout, and we showed a picture of what a Bostopian may look like the other night and if you've forgotten what it looks like you can find it on our website at www.sntv.sn."

"And that picture is a good source is it?"

"Well my contact in the Ministry of Defence tells me an unnamed nation has telegrammed us saying that is in fact a photo of a average Bostopain."

"Any more information on Bostopians?"

"Yes our secret service have been busy and with the recent huge investment of just over 5,000 SN Rubles have been able to buy some convincing disguises to let them pass themselves off in Bostopian society."

"Oh yes, they've bought some stick on moustaches, they'll blend in brilliantly in Bostopia, no one will suspect a thing."

"Right and any intelligence reports from them?"

"Yes it seems that all Bostopians have two legs. Well apart from some who are military personnel who have had either one or both legs blown of in combat and we believe that a large number of Bostopians serve in their army at some point so quite a lot of them could be missing a leg or two."

"Ok, so if you see someone with a weird moustache and either having two legs, one leg or no legs walking down the street, phone the number, as they may well be Bostopain spies. I hope you know what the number is because I don't, I'm afraid. And that's all we have time for tonight. Thanks for watching"

"How can someone with no legs or even just one leg for that matter walk down the street?"

"Hmm good point hadn't thought of that."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CINCO PRESENTES DE BOAS-VINDAS

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/6873/4723imgrandedy7.jpg
Supporters filled the stadium to watch the NT

Another season, another World Cup. That’s what the Globo Multimedia official commentator, the loved by few and hated by many Breno Gavião says in the first game of the World Cup qualifiers. This time, Cafundéu became a first seed of a group, something that shows how much the Monopolists have improved over time. This time, the first game of the qualifiers was against a newcomer, Loutra oreas Elenis. As expected, Cafundéu was able to defeat the opponent at home, in front of many supporters. And it was a solid win, to give a welcome to the new nation, a welcome that they didn’t like much.

Changes and Absences: this is the first game.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: a new team that should be defeated easily.

This result was good enough to show that the bad performance in the friendly against Valanora wasn’t going to be repeated. The coach Franz Braddock used his usual tactics, but they seem to get even better with time. Some new players in the National Team were able to shine, and the supporters could see many interesting plays. It was only the beginning. Now the team expects to repeat the good performance in the game against Acapais. The team will be nearly the same, and a win is expected.

THE FIRST HALF: The offensive strategy of Cafundéu, that happens in every game, was repeated in this one. Braddock gave a lot of importance to the wingers (who usually don’t receive that level of importance) and they were able to help the team a lot with crossings and good long ranged passes. Before the tenth minute, Léo Mattos appeared well in the right side of the field and was fouled. Neto took the free kick perfectly and scored the first goal of the game. Loutra oreas Elenis’s team wasn’t good enough to react, and suffered a lot of pressure, that lead to the other goals of the Monopolists.

Still in the first half, Cafundéu easily dominated the game. Loutra oreas Elenis rarely had the control of the ball, and were able to survive some minutes without suffering goals thanks to a good defensive work. But the pressure was too intense. Da Silva found Flecha inside the area and sent the ball to him with a through pass. Flecha dribbled the keeper and scored. Three minutes after, Léo Mattos crossed the ball to Anormal, who headed to score. The fourth goal was scored still in the first half, when Ferreira shot the ball to the goal. The goalkeeper saved, but Flecha scored after taking the rebound. The first half ended 4x0.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Flecha’s first goal): “Cafundéu with the ball again. This game seems prrrrretty easy, as Loutrrrrra orrrrreas Elenis can’t get the ball for much time. Now Verrrrrgarrrrra is with it, good pass to Da Silva, who avoids an opponent. Looks to the arrrrrea, pass it... excellent pass, Flecha is inside the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles the goalkeeper... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let me see the rrrrreplay! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu one, Loutrrrrra orrrrreas Elenis zerrrro! Prrrrrofessional video rrrrrecorrrrrding? Only with Sá Vieirrrrra cameras! The cameras used in Globo Multimedia’s rrrrreplays!”

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/5278/luxem500250sf0.jpg
Franz Braddock commands the team

THE SECOND HALF: Braddock isn’t the kind of coach that asks the team to defend when it’s winning by a good margin. So, after halftime, he made an offensive change in the team. Put Éverton in Vergara’s place. With that change, he expected to see the team creating more plays and scoring more goals. But that wasn’t what happened. The players were easily comfortable with the result, and didn’t work so hard to score more. But the chances appeared. Once again, the defence of Loutra oreas Elenis was able to stop many attacks (at least they have a good defence).

But the Cafundelense coach didn’t give up. Putting Saulo in the game, he thought that ball would eventually go to the net again. It nearly happened with Saulo. The ball hit his leg after a defender tried to clear the danger, and hit the post. The fifth goal was scored minutes later. Anormal made a long crossing to the area. Da Silva stopped the ball with his chest, and hit the ball with a wonderful bicycle kick, scoring a magnificent goal (which some experts are considering being the most beautiful of Cafundéu in its history). Neto nearly scored with another free kick, but a defender saved. The game ended 5x0.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Da Silva’s goal): “Cafundéu continues attacking, but has difficulties to scorrrrre. Of courrrrrse the rrrrresult is morrrrre than favourrrrrable, but the supporrrrrterrrrrs want morrrrre goals. Anorrrrrmal in the left wing. He is still in the middle of the field, but prrrrreparrrrres for a crrrrrossing. Long ball...Excellent ball contrrrrrol of Da Silva... LOOK AT WHAT HE DID! Amazing, an impressive move! GGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLL! (takes a short break) GOOOOOOOOOOAAAL! (another break) GOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Stop everrrrrything, stop the worrrrrld for this rrrrreplay! Da Silva, number eight! Cafundéu five, Loutrrrrra orrrrreas Elenis zerrrrro! Want a new hairrrrrstyle? Or just the usual hairrrrrcut? Anyway, the best place to go is Bambino Cabeleirrrrreirrrrros, wherrrrre you hair is trrrrreated like a star!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: Da Silva, who played his first game in the World Cup qualifiers, is now already a star. During the game, the opponent team marked more famous players like Flecha and Neto. But, after the game, the Loutra oreas Elenis players asked for autographs from Da Silva! Another thing is the “Crazy Ball Girl”. Already famous in domestic football, this girl’s work was to only get the balls that leave the playing field. But now, she is famous for invading the field wearing only a small bikini and smiling to the cameras. She’ll appear in the next edition of the Playboy magazine, thanks to a millionaire contract (that’s what she wanted since the start).

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: the victory in the game was expected, a big margin was awaited, but there was more than that in this game. The coach Franz Braddock told me: “Nice game, don’t you think? Of course, this was the expected result. We need to show talent as first seeds, and our opponent is still inexperienced. But a big win like this one is ever impressive. And, of course, Da Silva’s goal... nobody expected that. The supporters helped us a lot, I love them. Cafundéu’s lucky to have so loyal supporters.”

Of course I had to talk with Da Silva. An assistance and a historical goal. The man of the match surely (okay, it’s Ruiz who decides this). He said: “Beautiful goal... this is one that I’ll never forget. Anormal made such a long pass, I never thought that I’d be able to get that ball. But I got it, and could finish with style. But my goal isn’t the only good thing that happened in this game. We scored four more. The whole team is responsible for this.” The attacker Saulo said: “If I could score a goal like Da Silva’s... I’d ask for a wage increase in my new team. Congratulations to him, he deserved that.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): As I don’t know a single player from Loutra oreas Elenis, I won’t talk about them. I’ll only talk about the Cafundelenses. First, no defenders. They didn’t play! They only watched the game! But the midfield did a good job. Anormal and Neto worked well... Flecha scored twice, a good performance too. But Da Silva... a ten for him. Not just because of the goal. An assist, good passes... but the goal made difference.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Neto nearly scoring): “Cafundéu continues attacking, I think that a sixth goal can be scorrrrred soon... Da Silva dominates the ball in the midfield, a fast pass to Saulo, he’ll invade the arrrrrea... foul. A dangerrrrrous one, maybe the sixth goal can appear now. Neto to take it. Nice shot... the ball hit the bar, the goal line, will enter... the defender clearrrrrs! The defender saved his team, the ball was enterrrrring the goal! Want to have fun during the Carrrrrnival? Come to Cafundéu! Lasft, Porrrrrto Lacrrrrruz, Abadia, Lux, Submirrrrria, choose your destiny! The Cafundelense Carrrrrnival awaits you!”

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/1875/6862395666gaam8.jpg
Players commemorate good start in the qualifiers

CAFUNDÉU 5x0 LOUTRA OREAS ELENIS

Place: Arena América, in Abadia.
Attendance: 100,255 (more than full capacity).
Referee: Rino Melchanev (Sel Appa).
MOTM: Roberto Da Silva (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Leandro Cavalo, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara (Éverton 45’), Anormal, Da Silva and Neto (Marcelinho 76’); Flecha and Ferreira (Saulo 60’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/loutra_oreas_elenis.png LOUTRA OREAS ELENIS: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Neto 8’ , Flecha 22’/37’ , Anormal 25’ , Da Silva 71’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Acapais: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara, Anormal, Da Silva and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Mika Rikelainen (Squornshelous).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 1 game:

2- Flecha
1- Neto, Anormal, Da Silva

(Video room of the Landau Institute, during the game against Starblaydia. Patients, employees and doctors watching the first game of the Landau Institute's team in World Cup 39 qualifiers, against a difficult opponent.)

game still 0x0

PATIENT 291,330 - "The team can't attack well, we stop in their defence. Look at that, Selic lost the ball again. The Machine must do something, or we'll lose the game."

DR. JIMENEZ - "You are more than right. I can't see the team scoring this way... we can't even reach their area. Sabin and Bira should help more, while The Wanderer has to give support to the defence."

PROF. WANDERBUSSENKOFTRENPT - "You are talking like we didn't have a coach. The Machine knows how to put this team to work, he will find the perfect strategy to win this game. Don't forget that the players have earphones, I bet that now The Machine is already sending them orders about how to perform against Starblaydia."

FR. CLEMENT - "The professor is right. And, after all, patience is a virtue, a gift from God. We can't get the things through the easiest path, good things come though labour, we need to work and follow His path. If we stay focused and play fair, the Lord will compensate us with the victory."

PATIENT 1,019 - "I don't believe in those things. What we really need is one more attacker, Gabalán and Landau are too old, we need someone faster to score the goal for us."

DR. JIMENEZ - "That's our chance! The Wanderer got the ball in a good position, he dribbles Rivolli..."

PATIENT 1,019 - "Invaded the area, he is individualistic. Shoots... Rodriguez saved. We lost a good chance."

PATIENT 46,000,001 - "Yes, now they're with the ball. What? Bravo lost the ball in the defence, Gabalán took it, he passed the ball to Selic..."

Goal for the Landau Institute. Prof. Selic scores on the 35th minute.

CHOIR - "Goooooooooal! Selic! We're winning the game!"

PATIENT 113,481 - "But we can't get distracted now, Starblaydia wants the draw at all costs. Look at that, Di Angelo crossed the ball to Fullbright..."

PATIENT 291,330 - "Our beloved president, Professor Jesus Bangu Melo, cleared. Thanks Jesus!"

FR. CLEMENT - "He is respected, he is followed..."

PROF. WANDERBUSSENKOFTRENPT - "Oh no, Starblaydia is attacking again, Fullbright invades the area, shoots... goal."

Goal for Starblaydia. Fullbright scored on the 43rd minute.

First half ended 1x1. Time passes, the game is well-disputed. The Landau Institute returned better in the second half, probably thanks to the tactical knowledge of the half-stove-half-robot-with-human-soul The Machine.

DR. JIMENEZ - "Good crossing. But Perheira sent it for a corner. Sabin takes the corner... Look at Jesus, he appears out of nowhere!"

PATIENT 291,330 - "When his people needs him, he appears to help. How good is our president!"

Goal for the Landau Institute. Prof. Bangu Melo scores on the 61st minute.

Time passes. Game is coming to an end. The Landau Institute team, playing at home, is holding the ball to get the victory.

PATIENT 9,035,772 - "We got the ball again, time to start a counterattack!"

PROF. WANDERBUSSENKOFTRENPT - "And I'm sure we will. The Machine is there to command our actions."

The camera focuses the stove-robot.

DR. JIMENEZ - "Zetti shoots from outside the area..."

Goal for the Landau Institute. Dr. Zetti scores on the 87th minute.

Game ends. 3x1 for the Institute team.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/casaritv.png

On a day where, in the waining days of her time in the Premiership, Winter demanded that Bostopian troop levels in Casari drop below one thousand in three months time, something on the sporting front occured that overshadowed the demands of the Premier just a bit.

In a statement today, it was announced that the massive structure of the Karini Native Sports Association-the massive organization in charge of organizing and regulating the sports Kandai (what could be crudely compared to Rugby or Australian Rules Football), Tyrmani (more or less the same for field hockey), and the much less fancily named Karini Stickball and Handball, all native and commonplace in the Karini Islands-might increase just a bit.

Today, the Casaran National Association of the sport announced it was undertaking a feasibility study to return sanctioned play of the proper Casaran sports to Casaran Nationals and any other Karini Islanders living in Bostopia.

Under the proposed plan, Bostopia would be covered by a Bostopian Regional Association, in charge of forming clubs and running leagues where there is necessary demand throughout the country, as well as being about to select a representative team in each sport.

The new Regional Association would be formed under the existing Casaran National Association, giving the new association an equal status to the existing 32 Casaran counties. The new association would then be able to pick representative teams for the Casaran Championships, have opportunities for the champion winning clubs in each sport to play in Casaran Club Championships, players for clubs in Bostopia would be eligible to be picked for Casaran National Teams in competitions against the other nations in the Island chain.

While some complaints are expected, the KNSA finished it's announcements with statements that this was merely one of a number of possible results that might come about because of this study. When asked about the tentative approach listed, an official reply stated, "The plan we currently have is not to expand our sport to a nation with it's own traditions and games, but to offer a segment of the Casaran population an oppertunity to play sports that are part of their own culture and offer them the same oppertunities that anyone living in Casari would have."

In a story that's probably much more applicable to the World Cup, however, the Casari Soccer Authority, in what would be further depressing news for the nation's still passionate soccer fans, has announced that budget shortfalls could cause the organization to close it's doors after the current fiscal year, in the middle of qualifying matches for the Thirty-ninth World Cup. Without a significant financial investment, it is unlikely the national team will be able to continue competition. This also foreshadows the collapse of the massive Casaran Soccer League structure, which supports an incredible number of leagues and teams in both the professional and amateur levels.

If nothing else, the bad year for Casaran Soccer is continuing- seemingly, with no end in sight.

Off on the Right Foot

Squornshelous started out their qualifying campaign hosting old foes Rejistania. The orange-and-blue and the red-and-black have met seemingly dozens of times down the years, and while Squornshelous has held an advantage in the series, the matches have almost always been closely fought examples of masterful defense against superb attacking. Not so this time around, as Rejistania have faded considerably since their glory days and Squornshelous have had a recent resurgence to championship caliber. Rejistania's once impenetrable defense was anything but, conceding five goals to the red and black attack.

The Pschychoes starting lineup played especially well in midfield during the first half, and were able to control the pace of the match, with the ball constantly moving between players running in and out of the defensive lines. A major setback for the Pschychoes came early when Tomas Kurka landed awkwardly coming down from a 19th minute header. The recent FC Capri signee was helped to the sideline, and a few minutes later, Peter Volodov replaced him. Kurka was diagnosed with an ankle strain, and is only expected to be unavailable for a week or two. Manager Jan Jorgenson announced after the match that most likely, he will not play for the Pschychoes until the second half of qualifying, allowing him to make a full recovery without having to worry about playing in both international and league matches.

Squornshelous opened the scoring a few minutes later on an untouchable long range ball from Caj Ilmari, who at 33 is still the foremost scoring threat in Squornshelous. He was left too much space a few meters out from the penalty area, and made the orange-blues pay. Erkki Aatunen doubled the scoreline shortly thereafter on a diagonal run through the defense. The right back tried to get goalside of him as he recieved the ball, but Aatunen put on a burst of speed, and got away from not only the defender, but the keeper as well, as he rushed out to cut off shooting angles. Aatunen finished nonchalantly into the bottom corner and ran off toward the corner flag, leaving the defense to argue about who had made the mistake.

Just before halftime, Squornshelous increased their lead once again. Vlastislav Prpic made a quick move back toward the line, while working down low at the edge of the area, then reversed his direction to open up space for the cross. He sent the ball in low, and Sykko, sheilding a defensman with his back, redirected it into the near corner, low. The keeper never had a chance. And so it was that Squornshelous came out after the break with a three-nil lead, and Rejistania had not one genuine scoring chance. While Squornshelous as a team may play very attacking, aggressive football, the three defensemen usually hang back, almost never coming past the midfield line. By the time a Rejistanian counter had gotten past Tomas Vendlin and Viggo Haakana, the nearest defenseman would have moved into the perfect position to reclaim the ball.

To Rejistania's credit, they tried to make adjustments at halftime, shifting marking schemes slightly, and birefly abandoning the offside trap that Aatunen had flown through on his scoring run, but the class difference was just too mucyh to overcome. When they did attack, Squornshelous would eventually reclaim possession and mount a lightning fast counter, resulting in numerous saves, corners and two more goals before the 70th minute, when an exhausted Erkki Aatunen was brought off in favor of the fresh legs of Peter Volodov. Without Aatunen's speed, the effectiveness of the counters was somewhat diminished, and Squornshelous settled back to play keep away for most of the remainder of the match. Aatunen earned man-of-the-match honors with two goals and Squornshelous recorded one of the most impressive wins of the opening week of qualifying.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 5-0 Rejistania
SQ: Ilmari [23]
SQ: Aatunen [28]
SQ: Sykko [45]
SQ: Aatunen [59]
SQ: Prpic [64]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Aatunen: 2
Ilmari: 1
Prpic: 1
Sykko: 1

The Territories took to the field in Rugiero yesterday in their first World Cup qualifying match, drawing 1-1. Nobomitsu Sataka was the lone scorer for the Territories in the 26th minute. Territorial head coach Stephen Distefano stated that he is satisfied with the result, having expected to lose the match outright, also saying that he is very concerned about upcoming matches against Milchama and Kura-Pelland.

The Territories host Milchama in Olympic Park Stadium in Downtown Hoji next, followed by an away game in Kura-Pelland.

The proud knights soccer team went into todays game and won. The knights played up and comer kalymkstan. The knights scorer was zeke as he scored the only goal in the 7th minute of the second half. The knights have one there first opening game ever.

JACK: We're going to spend a few minutes now with Florence Jennings, sports columnist for the Grandborough Times. How are you, Florence?
FLORENCE: I'm doing well, thanks for having me again.
JACK: So... we knew that the opening at in the 'Drome was going to be bad, but nobody thought it would be this bad. The bards are already singing lustily of the Black Wings' demise, a four-nil thrashing where everybody made mistakes, and the difference in skill was painfully clear right from the start. The question that everybody is asking, Florence - should we be worried about this team?
FLORENCE: It certainly wasn't the best performance in recent memory, but that's just it, the Wings are a young team. They're going to have a lot of trouble in the early going, especially against powerful teams like The Holy Empire. Most people were saying it would be three or four to nil, I just think that the fans had gotten so used to the big wins in the Baptism of Fire that really gave Dancougar recognition that most new teams don't get right away. But they need to recognize that the level of competition has just jumped to infinity, basically, and it's going to take more than one tournament for them catch up to the world.
BILL: Florence, the Wings looked more out of it last night than they did even in the Northland game, which itself could've turned into a rout. Were they intimidated by The Holy Empire, or exhausted, or what?
FLORENCE: I think there are a lot of factors, Bill. The early goal by Stylites really caught the entire team off guard, and Hawkins really never settled down after that. The vulnerabilities on defense were shown yet again, there just wasn't enough speed at the back. The Holy Empire like to bring men forward and send four, five, six guys at the goal. I think when you let up a goal that early, against a team like that, it's very difficult to settle down and play the game you want since you know that the entire game is going to be uphill. They were certainly tired out by the Empire, Morimoto was out of gas after an hour, Ikeda ballooned his one good look over the crossbar. They also weren't able to draw any energy from the fans, either; there were only about 15 or 16 thousand Dancougar fans making the trip to the Hippodrome, and they were silent almost the entire time because the Wings got pounced on early and often.
JACK: So, while we recognize that you can't really judge a team by one game, this and Northland should definitely be wake-up calls. They gave up, what, five goals during the entire Baptism of Fire. Seven. Seven in two games, Hawkins in shell-shocked, and the offense has not shown nearly enough creativity up front. Florence, is it time for Pat French to consider changing things up?
FLORENCE: I don't think so, like you say, it's still too early to really evaluate this team, but their inexperience has definitely shown in these games, and their weaknesses have been painfully exposed. The players on the field, though, I think they can adjust in time. They started trying to force plays very early, so lots of long passes getting intercepted, frantic runs being cut off, too many players caught out of position trying to create something. The desire to change it up is there, but somebody has to settle this team down and get them to focus on the big problems before they try anything too fancy. French has been able to do this in the Hazuki league, which is one of the better conferences in the country, but the level of talent he's gearing this team up for is far greater than anything he's faced, and indeed, greater than anything Dancougar has ever seen. It's important for them as newcomers to accept that, in the short term, it's going to be difficult to win while they're still developing an identity, but they can't let bad results like this get in the way. Success will not come right away.
BILL: Florence, let's look ahead very quickly to Taeshan, they're ranked roundabout where Southern Northland is, quiet team that still plays very well. What can you tell us about that matchup?
FLORENCE: It'll be at the National Stadium in Yuki City, so that might help, but I'm not sure this is a team that the Wings can beat. They need to bounce back and try to get a result, but Taeshan's class is still higher. They're also coming off an opening win, one-nil against Kalmykstan, a revenge match of sorts from the Oriental Cup, so their confidence is high coming in. I'm predicting a two goal win for Taeshan.
BILL: Thanks, Florence!
FLORENCE: You, too, guys.
JACK: All right, we'll take a break, when we come back, I'm going to school Harbough in Over Under.
BILL: Yeah, yeah.
ANNOUNCER: Pardon the Interruption, brought to you by Sir Alec Lite. That's no moon, that's great taste, fewer calories!

"What a crazy game"

"Yeh man"

"They scored with an unmarked substitute, and our new man Kenji Miller got a goal"

"That is quite good to see"

"Yeh but the whole game was kinda weird with all the fighting"

"Agreed, I mean there really was no reason for Kerf to kick that guy or for Timnack to bring a sword onto the pitch, that's really bush league stuff"

"I know, you should really bring axes onto a pitch if you're going to bring weapons to a match"

"Absolutely, swords are so bad for fighting, way too defensive you need something overly aggressive like an axe"

"Yeh, Timnack will learn though"

"Let's hope so"

"But it's good to get the campaign off to this type of start"

"Yeh, victory, even if not so good should give the lads confidence for the harder games along the trail"

"Especially with a side like Prux shooting bombs and trying to strangle the referee"

"You bet"

"So then there really is only one thing to say then right?"

"Yep"

"Come on you Warriors!"

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Miller 34, Belmowitz 87)
Prux 1 (Jeruselem 73)

Hacker stood before the judge, bemused as to what was going on. "Have you served the Plaintiff?"

"No, I'm a football manager, I'm not a servant."

"No, have you served them with the proceedings? After all, they are not here to deal with your application."

"Eh?"

"Never mind, I cannot proceed with the application, you have no locus."

"Eh?"

"I cannot hear you."

"Oh, that's OK. I WANT TO GET A JUNCTION."

"No, Mr Hacker, I cannot hear you."

"I WANT TO GET A JUNCTION!!!!"

"I'm sorry, I cannot hear you..."

***

"Mr Hacker..."

Norman Hacker was morose. Who was this harridan before him?

"It is simple, Mr Hacker. The Equality In All Things Act means that there must be an equal number of women and men in your World Cup squad. It is very simple. Here are the names from the last World Cup squad, you may choose from them. Now, you have to have 23 members in your squad, so simply alternate the twenty-third member between reserve goalkeepers. Ever so simple."

Hacker suddenly saw a ray of light. "Exactly...I can see your point...I will nominate the squad before the game against Algal States. Perfect."

***

"Easy! Easy!" Hacker was exultant at the press conference afterwards. 2-0, goals from Lennie Newton and Nipper Lawrence from a free-kick, and the same eleven finishing the match that started it. "Well, I think we might have a chance, lads..."

His substitute bench was looking just as morose as Hacker had been. After spending much of the second half warming up, and being catcalled by the crowd throughout, they were not pleased. And they were even less pleased by the press conference. "No, no need for changes...we shall keep the line-up for a winning team..."

It had to be magic. How could a 90-minute one-a-side match finish only 1-0? Surely each player had to eventually run round the other and create an open goal several times?

But this criminal had a talent, that he'd tried to suppress or hide from the authorities chasing him. He could cast spells that caused the ball to move erratically. This stopped Bo Phelps from scoring through the first half, although Phelps was so fast that he couldn't score himself, reduced to hitting long-range shots that missed.

In the second half, he misused his powers while on the ball, allowing Phelps to collect it and knock it straight in. The rest of the game followed the same pattern as the first half, and really it was a horribly dull game.

In an interview with a sympathetic Kura-Pellandi newspaper the criminal said he had a vision - almost like a prophecy - that he would be able to manipulate something or other. He has so far managed only to move an object. He may yet win hearts and minds. Kura-Pellandi officials are considering the prospect of affording the man asylum, and offering Violitism 'alternative means of fielding a World Cup team'. Officials are set to reject any possibility of this.

------------------------

Kura-Pellandi Monthly present an International Challenge

Two RPs have now featured the recurring theme to Kura-Pelland's World Cup 39 RP. First to spot it and inform Kura-Pelland via TG, quoting two pieces of evidence, will be offered a friendly match at Shanvley Stadium.

There are two quotes in this RP alone, and a third in the pre-MD1 RP. In addition, there are multiple references in the post relating to the Corganen Championship.

MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13416684#post13416684)

The Pazhujeb Islands national football team will play todays Matchday Two qualifying match in the Dreamed Realm as guests of the Archregimancy. Thanks to all associations who have offered the team temporary residence; it is enormously appreciated. Your offers were only rejected out of the practical fact that the the side is already in the Dreamed Realm.

The 23 players of the Pazhujeb Islands national football team, and their staff, have agreed, at least on paper, to convert to Orthodox Christianity in accordance with the mandate of their stay in the Archregimancy. We expect that the monks of the Archregimancy will make use of their divine powers to bridge the language gap between themselves and the Pazhujebis, as very few of the individuals can speak languages other than their native Pazhujebi, which is not spoken outside of the Islands.

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 2: @ Estadia Pika, Pika City
QAZOX 1
Minilla Island West 0

Not a very impressive win for the Pheonix, but a win is a win nonetheless, as Qazox improves to 2-0-0 early on in the qualifying stage. The lone goal came in the 68th minute off the foot of Renna Valladores. The goal came 11 minutes after a subsitution in the 57th minute that put in Farmwald for Spingler. The switch added a bit more attacking pressure and Minilla Island West couldn't effectively contain the new formation.

The game was marred by 4 yellow cards, two by each side. So far it seems that these youngsters are a bit hot-headed, as the two received in this game might not have been issued, if only the kids kept their mouths shut.

Up next for the Pheonix is a trip to Samcoa. It will be the first time Qazox has visited that particular country, and a victory should be in the cards.

Summary:

MIW: Yellow Card- 17'
Qazox: Georgianne Shillingford (Yellow Card)- 21'
MIW: Yellow Card- 47'
Qazox: Subsitution (Willow Farmwald for Stevie Spingler)- 57'
Qazox: Renna Valladores GOAL- 68'
Qazox: Subsitution (Isadora Merli for Maria Cruz-Preli)- 75'
MIW: Subsitution- 78'
MIW: Subsitution- 86'
Qazox: Isadora Merli (Yellow Card)- 90+3'

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus-1
Tarricone-1
Valladores-1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-1
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
RED:
none

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS edged by Bostopia.

The goalkeeping by Peter Jeffers kept Green wombat off the board, despite 17 shots on net for the wombats. Ralph Bing for the wombats faced only 6 shots, and allowed 2 goals, both coming off the foot of Aleksander Cripps. Cripps goals both came on penalty kicks as the refereeing in the match seemed very one sided, as Green wombat finished with 3 yellow cards and 19 fouls against, while Bostopia only were whistled for 3 fouls.

The loss drops the team to 1-0-1, still a good start, heading into the next match at home against Ariddia. If the wombats score twice, then it will be a moral victory, probably the only one we'll get in the match.

"LIVE from Pruxton, the capital of Prux, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Pruxton for the first Prux home qualifing match for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Kura-Pelland, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "These two teams are not quite evenly matched, and K-P is favored to win this.

RJ: "But anything can happen in the World Cup!"

<plays Prux's national anthem>

RJ: "The sold-out crowd of 45,000 is going bananas here as the Prawns trot out onto the field!!"

<Kura-Pelland's national anthem plays and the crowd boos loudly.>

Coach: "And there's some debris on the pitch, looks like a steel chair!!"

RJ: "The referee issues a warning to the Prux bench about the crowd and they're ready to kickoff the match..."

<cut to 15th minute>

RJ: " and Michael Shawns has been shown a red card for Super-Kicking the K-P attacker in the face!"

Coach: "Come on.. it was a legal shot, they both were trying to get to the corner kick!"

RJ: "But the K-P player was trying to head the ball, and Shawns just kicked him square in the jaw. K-P lines up for the penalty and it's 1-0 K-P..."

<cut to 33rd minute>

RJ: "And another Red card for Prux as C. M. Junk was given one for a lowblow and that gives K-P yet another penalty kick!!"

Coach: "Even I agree that was clearly a cheap shot. and now its 2-0 K-P."

RJ: "Mr. Nicnann seems to have the proverbial Scarlet mask, but it's not blood for a change! "

<cut to 45th minute>

RJ: "Damn it it's now 3-0 as Andy Norton tried to dropkick the shot by K-P and he missed it by about 3 feet, and there's the 1st half whistle, K-P 3, Prux 0 and it looks like its a long day for the Prawns "

Coach: "They're getting their arses kicked out there and the fans have turned on them!"

RJ: "I don't know what plan Mr. Nicnann has up his sleeve, but it better be a good one or else this team is going to be whipped like a privately-owned donkey!"

<cut to 67th minute>

RJ: "Craig Helms is now coming in for the injured Norton, but it maybe too little too late here as its now 4-0 K-P. As you can see here on the replay, Norton attempted back-body drop allowed the ball to slide right over his back and he landed on his ankle with all of his weight on it, not a good sign."

Coach: "Hopefully Norton's injury isn't too serious and he'll be back in time for the next match!

RJ: "Well now down 4-0, the Prawns have to dig deep and somehow find a way to win..."

<cut to 85th minute to 86th minute>

RJ: "And here comes Chris Jerusalem, tagged in by Henry Marks and GOAL.. 4-1 K-P, a little too late, but a goal means we won't be shutout!"

Coach: "What a move by Jerusalem, as he used the Toad Splash to score over the K-P keeper!"

RJ: "And OH MY DOG!!! Just seconds after the Prux goal, K-P makes it 5-1, as the defense just stood around clapping Jerusalem on the back."

Coach: "What a @#$%ing shame there, RJ, as Prux just allowed the 5th goal to go in, not even paying attention."

<END of match>

RJ: "Well, the result was clear buttstomping as the Prawns got destroyed 5-1 by Kura-Pelland. Up next is Violitism, whose team constists of only one person. For Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you in Violitism!"

We lost, better hopes for next game

ANNOUNCER: Pump Up the Volume... brought to you by Sonic Boom. Catch the wave!
(Pump Up the Volume title graphic. Highlight clips of the game play as radio announcers call the action.)
* "Boskov brings it up over the center line, taps it back to Holmes. Holmes. Gives it back, here's Boskov, sends it down the line, past Raellis, IKEDA HAS HIM BEAT! IKEDA, BALL, IKEDAAAAAAAAAA....!!!! Goooooooooooooooooooooooo~al! The long ball splits the Taeshan defense! Eighteenth minute, and Hideo Ikeda has sent this crowd into the stratosphere!!"
* "Morimoto swings the ball in, looking for Cale at the back, headed clear by Martin. Barclay comes up to get it, ZEKE WHIPS IT AWAY! Taeshan counter, three on one! Black Wings racing back to cover, they're not going to catch them. Palmer, Williams! They're around Nance, had no chance at all. Now, Williams, to Zeke! Hawkins to challenge, and Zeke to Palmer, tap in, goal. And the crowd is hushed, the length of the field in the blink of an eye. Minute thirty one, Carsin Palmer has the equalizer, it's ones!"
* "Barclay wins the header, upfield to Boskov. Spins clear. About ten minutes till halftime, it's one to one. You know, Taeshan play an interesting formation... four strikers, but all out defense. Smyth giving chase, over to Leyton now. Leyton controls, knocks it forward to Cale. Cale brings it in, working against Riae. Pushes in, now dips out, looks for help. Cale to Holmes, Holmes takes a crack from twenty five, AND IT'S IN! OH MY GOODNESS! GO~LA~ZO! Jon Holmes about as surprised as the rest of us, he's put the Wings right back up! Top corner, Montague frozen, he thought it was going wide, we all did!"
* "Hele brings the ball down, Barclay coming back to challenge. Barclay working on Hele in the corner, HELE SPINS FREE. Comes back towards the box, cross in, and Travers there to head it clear. FROOOOOALIE!!! One time shot, well, he'll be looking for better next time, he's sent it wide. Bubbva Froalie collecting the ball from thirty yards out, good effort, but it started dipping late. Hawkins never in any danger there."
* "Dominica coming in for Nance, looking to inject some energy into the defense and keep this lead. Less than twenty to play, Wings have the ball in the middle. Boskov... how about Boris Boskov, he's played much better today, he's been a possession machine on that left side. Boskov slides it up to Holmes who comes to meet it, Smyth coming to meet him, and a push, free kick Wings. Holmes sets it up, takes it quick. Leyton's got it, pushes up. Splits the Taeshan defense, he's got a shot, takes it, BACK OF THE NET!!! JERICHO LEYTON MIGHT HAVE PUT IT AWAY! The black towels are spinning, Dancougar have a three-one lead!!"
ANNOUNCER: Pump Up the Volume... brought to you by Sonic Boom. Catch the wave!
KENNETH: Well the Black Wings bouncing back from that rough first game against The Holy Empire, getting the upset against Taeshan. Pat French saying after the game, "This is an interesting time for the Black Wings. This is a chance to establish ourselves, and whether we win or lose, what's most important is that we leave an imprint on the teams we play. There will be more downs than ups, all we can do is celebrate the ups, learn from the downs, and work towards earning respect from the world at large."
SCOTTY: More to come on Sportscenter, we'll head out west, early season clashes in Helmut, you don't want to miss that.

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Your team has now played it's opening two matches in. The Wanderers lost at home to 13th ranked Bettia 2-3 and on the road against 17th ranked The Holy Empire 0-2. There is a great deal of room for improvement, but their opposition gets slightly easier (in theory) from here, as your team has already played the top two ranked teams in the group.


Grades for Bettia match:
Effort: A
Control: B-
Offense: A+
Defense: D
Overall: B

Lesson Your Team Learned: Playing close to your best won't beat the best, you have to play your best without making mistakes.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Very High


Grades for The Holy Empire match:
Effort: C-
Control: D
Offense: F
Defense: C
Overall: C-

Lesson Your Team Learned: Playing away from home is tough, but you have to play on the road to do well.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderately High

THE SECOND GOAL

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

TURNING and tackled in the vast Hippodrome
Their forwards cannot hear their midfielders;
Hopeless SC fall apart; their defence cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the pitch,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some more action is at hand;
Surely the Second Goal is at hand.
The Second Goal! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere on the grassy field
A player with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving his quick thighs, while all about him
Reel shadows of the hapless slow opposing team.
Stylites shoots again; and now I know
That twenty minutes since our last goal
Seem as next to nothing 'fore the billowing net,
And is our squad, its hour come round at last,
Slouching towards Valanora for the Cup?

"And Kim rounds the keeper! Defender on the line, surely he won't score another!? HE HAS! That's six for him, eight for Sorthern Northland and a massacre for Dinos Pizza!"

"Well that was the moment that Kim Min-Kim scored an eight late on in the game against Dinos Pizza, a game that finished in an eight one rout. That has to be a record victory for Sorthern Northland surely?"

"Oh yes, the previous record was an six one away win against Konra way back in World Cup 36."

"But I suppose you could argue that that win was more impressive as during that World Cup we were an unranked nation whilst in this one we're forty-first and Dinos Pizza are new on the international stage?"

"Well of course, and no doubt there will be people who say that and I am inclined to agree but let's remember eight in a very impressive tally."

"Yes so often you see a team get to six goals, and then ease up as the game is already won."

"Exactly, but the lads today, didn't stop at all. They just kept going, and to be honest I think the referee finished the game a few minutes early out of sympathy, another ten minutes and we could well of seen another two goals."

"So let's have a look at the game, an average of a goal every ten minutes and strangely there was a ten minute gap between all the goals."

"Yeah, you do see some weird things don't you? As mentioned earlier, six goals for Kim Min-Kim, and his first game after ten minutes, lets have a look at it now.

*replay is shown, host talks over it.*

A foul on the edge of the box there, the keeper, Sage comes out to take it as usual, it's a poor free-kick though. Straight into the wall but it falls down to Kim, who absolutely lashes it into the net. A fierce strike."

"Well you say a poor free-kick but the next two goals were like that as well. Maybe it was some sort of tactic they'd practised in training?"

"Yeah defiantly, I mean the first goal you see it and think poor free kick and then the second time you see it happen, you think well, his free-kicks are poor but luckily they keep falling to Kim and then the third time you just think what is going on? Now when you look at them again, you realise, it might not be luck, if we look here, you can see Kim is very deliberate in where he stands according to what Sage tells him, and it's an ingenious strategy."

"And then the last goal of the half went to Dinos Pizza."

"Yeah three nil up, and with half time just around the corner, I think the Sortherners start to relax just a bit too early. Dinos are out on the wing here, Shorey goes across to cover, the attacker tries to go past and Shorey makes no real attempt to get the ball or stop him and then in the middle, Corneal and Wrightson both seem to have switched off, and the Pizza Boys score a goal that even at this early stage looks like it'll only be a consolation."

"As you say, the game was over at half time, yet we still came out all guns blazing. What do you think the manager will have said at half time?"

"Well as you say the game was over, but qualifying has only just started and if you cast your mind back to the last World Cup, we were just three points away from qualifying but with the far inferior goal difference we had to Oliverry that was effectively four points. The reason our goal difference was so bad last time wasn't because we don't score many, it was because when we lose, we lose by a big margin. I'm sure the managers aware of these and I suspect he will have said something along the lines of 'Ok well done lads, that's the game one, but there's still plenty of goals for us out there which could be the difference between going to the World Cup and watching it on our teles at home.'"

"So five goals in the second half. Here's the first, Kim Min-Kim again."

"Yeah, the first one from open play this one, good run down the left by O'Bagels, a low fizzing cross into the box and a neat tap in by Kim for his and his countries fourth."

"And ten minutes later he scores again."

"Yep a run down the right by Tom Tomsk, then on the edge of the area he tries a one two with Jing, but the defender put it out for a corner. Tomsk takes it quickly, the defence aren't ready, Kim is, header and it's five one."

"And then another ten minutes and it's another goal this time from Jing Mao."

"Oh what a goal this is. Simply brilliant. He picks the ball up just inside his own half, two players try to tackle him, he skips past them turns round and runs into the opponents half, leaving the defenders for dead, another defender come to him, he sidesteps him then on the edge of the box he nutmegs another defender, keeper comes out, sidesteps him and passes it into the net. Simply different class. Absolutely great goal, in fact I'll go as far as saying the greatest goal ever scored by a Sortherner. He's a great player, but he'll have some difficulty beating that goal. Different class as I said."

"Indeed, a superb goal from Jing "Maradona" Mao." So that was the sixth, the seventh then?"

"Yes, another free-kick around the Dinos box, so your thinking another goal, but the Dinos seem to have cottoned on to that trick, and the keeper doesn't move thinking it's going to Kim, but no this time, Sage hits it over the wall and past the helpless keeper and it's seven one."

"And the eight we saw at the top of the show. That was Kim's fortieth goal for SN. Yet another milestone from him."

"Of course he's our record scorer, every goal he scores is, a milestone, a first and it will be like that until he retires."

"Speaking of retirement, he'll be thirty-one by the time the World Cup comes round. Do you think he'll hang up his boots after that?"

"No defiantly not. From now till the World Cup, he is at his peak, after the World Cup he'll start going down in his abilities but I think he will still be good enough for the international stage. After World Cup 40 maybe not, but I'm sure he'll want to play in the finals of one World Cup before he retires."

"Ok well that was the record eight one win over Dinos Pizza. Sel Appa away next up, we're on fire a win in possible surely?"

"I don't think so. If you remember they started the campaign badly drawing with Dinos Pizza, so they'll be pissed off that we won so easily, they'll be out to put one over us."

"So not three wins in a row for the Sortherners then?"

"If we were at home, then I would say yes, a good chance, but it's an away game so no, I'll go with a 4-3 win to Sel Appa, but I must admit I do think there's a good chance of a draw."

"And that'll be a good result for us?"

"A draw, yes."

"Ok well thanks for that. A quick update on the Bostopia war now, and we have no new information on what Bostopians may look like for you. The threat level is still at CRITICAL however so be alert. That's all from us, good night."

“Jones get in here!” Agent Smith demanded as he put aside the documents he was reviewing about the nuclear silo attempted terrorist assault that was thwarted to consider a far more important problem.

“Yes sir, I already know what you’re going to say.” Agent Jones replied as he stepped into the office.

“Bonto? How could they have managed a draw against us? Our spy satellites couldn’t even find a practice venue for them let alone find clues to their team. What is Conroy thinking?” Smith demanded.

“I agree sir, clearly a case over overconfidence as well as no doubt some fine counterintelligence work by the Bontons to keep their gameplan out of sight. The team is still having some difficulty adjusting to the fact that people think they’re good for the first time ever and it may have gone to the heads of some of the players.” Jones replied.

“Hmm inform Agent Jones after you leave to raise satellite activity around Bonto to level 3. We must do better in the second match. You do realize how this is playing out don’t you Agent Jones?” Smith asked.

“I do sir, my own sources have indicated an increasingly loud amount of chatter from the NOCCRO saying that had Lee Andrews been coaching this wouldn’t have happened. They also stressed that a pair of one goal efforts is implying the turning away of their cult deity from Tynelia and that Conroy should be replaced by Andrews to appease him.” Jones replied.

“And the general populace?” Smith asked as Jones’ data confirmed what his own people were telling him. Still it was a sign that this Jones at least was not passively running this Op.

“The fact that we have yet to lose has kept them from taking these comments too seriously though there is some concern about the offense.” Jones replied.

“How quickly they forget all those Cups where getting one goal was a sign of an offensive explosion.” Smith mused as Jones continued.

“Yes sir, it is also noted that most female fans were upset about these comments as they have argued whether the outcry would be the same if it was a man coaching.” Jones went on. “This was part of the scenario I considered when allowing Conroy to win the job. The first ever female Coach would certainly gain strong support from the female voters to increase job security. However the team does need to increase their offensive output before the NOCCRO gains any momentum in their accusations.”

“That is the difficulty in dealing with these religious nutbags. If we do poorly it’s because their so-called god has abandoned us. If we do well it’s because it IS supporting us. As if any of these magical pixies would actually have time to root for certain teams in a sporting event with everything they would have to take care of in the universe. Especially without a proper delegation of staff and whatnot.” Smith said.

“Yes sir.” Jones agreed.

“Very well then dismissed. I need to get back to these documents for proper satellite rerouting to find these terrorists. Hmm maybe I can pin it on the nutbags…” Smith mused his attention now gone from Agent Jones who turned and silently left the chamber.

It was strange beginning to the game with the original female stage singer calling in sick leaving the organisers in a panic to find a replacement. You don't find talented female singers hanging around football stadiums. In the end, Jacinta Dallas who was a talented performer in her own right despite the lack musical talent in her mother, filled in.

She belted out her own weird rendition of Jerusalem (from William Blake's poem) and then some strange Orthodox monastic chant assisted by the Greek Orthordox Boy's Choir. She got a standing ovation by both Jeruselem and Monk fans.

It was a colourful crowd with young girls wearing Princess fancy dress costumes and some Orthodox Monks coming to watch their home team play their brethen. Some came in wearing Crusader costumes too.

The Monks had the upper hand in the 1st half attempting to break down the young Jeruselem defense. Most of Jeruselem's team was under 25 and struggled to contain the more experienced Holy Brothers. The Princesses fell behind when the Monks finally broke the determined defense of Jerusalem.

The younger Jeruselem fought back in the 2nd half with Flak Sho putting some slick moves to cause trouble for the Monks. Jeruselem's Jewish strikers started to make an impact with the keeper forced to work keep out Kara and the crew. Jeruselem pressed on , Kara Kool won a free kick and Dazza Deux fired in a piledriver which even the Holy Brother's keeper could not stop. No more goals were scored and it was even honours.

There were some awkward moments including the hottie Kara Kool getting tangled up with one of opposition defenders. Kara Kool wasn't bothered but the defender was a little embarrassed with the physical contact with one of Jeruselem's sexiest female personalities.

After a hard fought 1-0 win over Nire and Nire the Jarissian team returned to their locker room. The team was rather pleased with itself now that after two matches they remain undefeated with a 1-0-1 record before going up against Endmile next. Still it was just the promising start they hoped for as the people rallied around the team during the homestand as the Arena was louder than anyone could remember since its first ever home match years ago.

Coach Leni Banama: OK people great work out there, way to show our pride. Those Nireans are a good squad and you guys answered the questions people had about our effort after that first match. Things are going to stay tough for us now. We got the top four seeds in our next four matches starting with Endmile.

Tali Vindu: They won’t be scoring either.

Fya Panai: You tell ‘em Tali. Third shutout is the charm!

Nia Julio: God has brought us together for this reason. We must keep up our efforts to honor the blessing he has granted us all by being here this day.

Coach Leni: That’s right, we do this to honor those who couldn’t be here. God has spared us so our efforts can help our fellow Jarissians who still struggle on even after all these years.

Telao Rashi: Do we know how much the JRF made this time on the hotline?

Coach Leni: Not yet though I heard we beat the first matchday’s total.

Telao <as others nodded in satisfaction>: Good.

Coach Leni: That’s another point people. The longer we stay in the hunt the more viewers will be watching our matches which means more donations. Imagine what sort of numbers could come in if we were to make the Cup proper? That’s what we’re fighting for.

<Team nods solemnly>

Goru Lyani: Then we’d better beat Endmile then.

Minna Dawo: They haven’t been able to score much. I can outscore them.

Joa Giranu: I’ll help.

Coach Leni: Easy Joa, play it just like today. Stay at home in the first half and then if we need to I’ll bump you up to the attack in the second half. We don’t want to give these guys any confidence with any early goals. Just play our match and we’ll be fine. Endmile barely got by an unranked team and got beaten badly by C&M so we can beat them. But be careful because a team ranked where they are will be due to get back on form at sometime or another. We just have to make sure its not against us.

Team: Right coach.

Coach Leni”: OK hit the showers.

OOC: Aww, I'd planned an RP and then find out Prux has written one with goal timings... meh. He's allowed me to pick my scorers, at least.

That ends this OOC post.

---------------------------------

If Violitism were notable for providing a one-on-one clash, Prux were notable for making the recent Trilan derby seem peaceful in comparison.

Fortunately, the referee actually did his job. Jose Cazarez was kicked in the face at a corner in the 15th minute, and Fedde Beattis duly tucked away the penalty. C. M. Junk reduced his side to nine with what can only be described as a dirty punch in the 33rd minute, again at a corner, and Beattis was on hand again. When Xavier Le Monde's 30-yard shot in first-half stoppage time soared into the corner after a bizarre attempt by Andy Norton to save with his feet, predictions of the final score were pretty much unlimited, and it was quite possible to get carried away and assert this Kura-Pelland XI were the greatest team there's ever been.

There certainly weren't celebrations throughout Prux that were all to do with their football team, with boos filling the stadium; any praise for Kura-Pelland had to be put into that context. The nine men held out another 22 minutes, before another bizarre save attempt went horribly awry - Norton not only allowing Beattis to complete his hat-trick but injuring himself in the process.

It was perhaps oddly fair that Prux were allowed to cheat late on, Chris Jerusalem coming on through a 'tag' to score within seconds courtesy of an acrobatic leap. It was certainly fair that the team's wild over-celebration meant that Beattis was able to score his fourth straight from the kick-off, able to run 30 yards without a challenge before smashing the ball low into the corner.

After that violent clash, Kura-Pelland left for an easy game against The Fujisawan Territories - effectively a warm-up for the Quakmybush away game that follows - believing there's no fight they cannot win. It'll be two games, at least, before we find out if this is actually at all a valid assumption, or whether the team will add one more disaster to their generous supply.

---------------------------------

Kura-Pellandi Monthly present an International Challenge

There are no fewer than four quotes of relevance to the theme today. Has anyone got a clue? If so, TG Kura-Pelland for your chance to win a friendly match at the home of the World Cup 38 final, Shanvley Stadium!

Beer Served Here has .500 Record in Qualifying for World Cup

Beer Served Here's footballers have begun their quest to qualify for the World Cup.

After beginning on the right foot with a two-nil win over Carcim, Beer Served Here has learned that the road to the cup will be tough following a three-nil shellacking at the hands of world-21st ranked Bazalonia.

"We knew that it would be a tough road to qualify for the big tournament," said team manager Bill Krabonchanski. "We just hope to keep the dream alive and bounce back with a good showing against Manilla Island."

The road to qualify is indeed going to be tough for the 125th ranked squad with the world's 3rd ranked squad Sel Appa in their group. Also in group 7 are the 31st-ranked Ad'ihan, world number 41 Sorthern Northland, number 54 Manilla Island, number 156 Dino's Pizza and unranked Carcim.

"We are coming off a decent showing from the Baptism of Fire tourney, and we hope to make some noise in qualifying," said Krabonchanski. "Hopefully the ball will bounce our way and we will make the Cup, but we are definitely facing some of the class squads of the world in qualifiers."

GROUP 7 STANDINGS (W-D-L)

1) Bazalonia 2-0-0
1) Sorthern Northland 2-0-0
3) Sel Appa 1-1-0
4) Ad'ihan 1-0-1
4) Beer Served Here 1-0-1
6) Dino's Pizza 0-1-1
7) Manilla Island 0-0-2
7) Carcim 0-0-2

theCAMAFA.cam
Candelaria And Marquez light a candle in glowing performance
By Liam Kelly at the Estadio Arrigo Nacional


Candelaria And Marquez have sent out a beacon of hope to the footballing world in Arrigo tonight.

A game that began with a pooms* but was marred by more than its fair share of violence on and off the pitch ended with a stunning victory for C&M – on both sides of the running track. It provided a shining example to the watching billions around the planet that small, organised nations can be empowered to proactively confront the dilemma of surplus bellicose propensities. This challenge has not come easy to the Northern Bettians, and we must be prepared to offer our support in a spirit of truest friendship to help them professionally utilize performance based intellectual capital to allow them to collaboratively foster world-class paradigms in order to solve their problems with fan violence.

Our own successes have only been reached through synergistic partnerships from across our communities: the work of the CMSC, Home Office, the CAMAFA and concerned citizens to tackle the hurdles of social exclusion that surround football’s unwanted appendages. One need only witness the attitudes of the Candelariasians fans in Arrigo over recent days, who have to a man and woman resisted, under severe provocation, entering into running battles with Northern Bettian fans. In a country where the authorities have been less quick to engage with the dysfunctional element within their sport; events of today and yesterday could have turned quite nasty indeed. Instead, the twenty-seven Northern Bettian supporters in the Estadio Arrigo Nacional this evening were treated only to joyful singing that showed the highest respect for the visitors’ cultural traditions while reflecting the emerging on-pitch scenes.

There were but forty-five arrests this weekend, and all but twenty-seven of those were of Northern Bettian fans. We must celebrate the success of Immigration Control in stemming a potential flood of these sadly ileducated pseudo-supporters, as well as the cross-regional cooperation that allowed our friends in Wigu to take responsibility for the two-hundred-and-thirty-nine rubber dinghies containing ‘Fire Ants’ “fans” that attempted to touch-down in the Candelarias last night.

The FANB cannot, of course, be blamed for the actions of the barest minority of Northern Bettia’s ““fans””, but the organisation’s actions over recent years has highlighted the necessity of strong national football associations – and one need only witness the recent failures of their Pazhujebi and Casaran equivalents to see how widespread the problem of institutional weakness remains.

Of course, we must not rest on our laurels; but the statistics speak for themselves. In the last footballing cycle just forty-seven Candelariasian fans were arrested in C&M, and even fewer abroad with just one such resulting in an execution. Similar advances have occurred in the domestic game, where apart from supporters of Albrecht FC, Albrecht Turkish, MN Smith, Arrigo Portuguese, Port of Clotaire, Castillo FC, Cathedral City, Green Island, Swords of Bass, Maidment, Brayton Town, New Saints and the Starless City Nationals there were only one-hundred-and-seven football-related arrests, and even fewer convictions.

And so to the game itself; which must not, of course, be allowed to be overshadowed by the off-field triumphs. This was a masterful performance all-round, particularly by Lloyd Donnelly; the veteran manager repaying the CAMAFA’s faith in his ability with a series of wise tactical and personnel innovations. Early on, it appeared that these were two well-matched sides, and both were able to create chances and test the opposition’s defences in an open game. The match would be settled thanks to greater finishing; and a second half in which Donnelly’s tactics were able to outfox Iwan Obadi.

There were other victories for C&M today too, though these were of a less tangible nature. While if anything Northern Bettia were better-behaved than usual, soon aware of the presence of a no-nonsense Blouman referee keen to make an impression on his first international outing, still there were vicious tackles flying in and injuries feigned like anything. The Big Blues looked in danger of a battering early on, and Özkan Yalçin was forced off the pitch after just ten minutes thanks to Jamie Noto.

Enough has been written about the style so unsportingly employed by Obani in recent times, and we need not repeat it to excess here. Suffice it to say that the Fire Ants deserved nothing from the game, morally nor footballingly, and the world must rejoice at a scoreline such as this.

At least to their credit the Fire Ants are an attacking side as well as an overtly physical one, and this was to prove their undoing. This side are understandably experts at defending free-kicks, but they cannot cope with rapid counters. On fifteen minutes William Burgos – having ludicrously become the first player to pick up a yellow card after a hard but fair challenge on Anya Wilton – sent O’Sullivan Caras free down the right wing and from the edge of the area launched a shot tipped onto the post by Pete Waters in the Northern Bettian goal. Ignacio Vélez was lingering, and collected the bobbling ball to score.

Northern Bettia have been tipped as World Cup winners in the past, and not for nothing; and the Fire Ants dominated much of the first half after going a goal down. But the away side’s outlook was far too, shall we call it ‘robust’?, for their own good and several players found themselves on yellow cards before Mr. Cowling the referee blew for the interval.

Though Oberon Martinez was on fine form in goal, Donnelly saw that C&M could be turned over in the second period and made changes; sacrificing O’Sullivan Caras for the stronger Ben Edwards and introducing more pace with Fred Ma on for Matteo Corradini in a 4-4-2 to match the Northern Bettians’. To some degree this was by necessity, with both players nursing minor knocks following challenges by the captain Stu Kaolla, but the newcomers soon paid their way. Ma forced Brian Sukuzi off the ball – much to the joy of the Arrigo crowd desperate for their team to compete physically as well as technically – and supplied Vélez. The Marquez-Onwere man progressed into the box and sent a cross over to Ramiro Novo. Its progress was halted by a blatant hand ball by Barry Fukui and Vélez notched up his fifth of the campaign from the penalty spot.

The Fire Ants had their opportunities, but Benji Fu was in inspirational form at the back. And before too long, local hero William Burgos was marauding down the right again and unleashing a powerful cross. Harry Nino met it with a diving header that ended up in Ben Head’s chest, and Edwards took the free-kick that deflected off Ryan Kemys and past Waters.

Three-nil up with twenty to go, Donnelly opted to save Vélez for the world champions and give Joe Cunningham a run-out. That initially looked like a poor move, when Lorenzo De Wilde was clattered by Jeff Sienko and hobbled off, but the challenge also reduced Northern Bettia to ten men. The Fire Ants attempted to avoid embarrassment, but C&M would go on to once again equal their greatest margin on victory when Novo was caught in the penalty area by Nino and Cunningham scored the second penalty of the day.

Critics will argue that the visitors were as responsible as C&M for their downfall, but make no mistake: in so many ways, this was glorious.

Candelaria And Marquez 4 – 0 Northern Bettia
Ignacio Vélez 15, pen 56
Kemys og 69
Cunningham 81

© The Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association 2001-2008, All Rights Reserved

User Comments >>

Posted by bluesfan0101, Lavange on 01/02/08 at 22:12
OWW!! C7m rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Donnelly needs to pick naylor but we WILL WIN WORLD CUP £(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by DavidG-H, Maidment on 01/02/08 at 22:15
wtf?

Posted by Shebab, Khatib-Gassett on 01/02/08 at 22:17
bye-bye “Northern betta” well miss you at the cup :)))) jk, C&M BRILLIANT!! c&m or Bettia for the Cup I think!

Posted by Felixcat2, Arrigo on 01/02/08 at 22:22
¡Brillante! ¡El sorprender! ¡Donnelly era grande pero Vélez, Cassa, Novo, Caras y GUILLERMO BURGOS eran MAGNÍFICOS! ¡Y muchedumbre de Arrigo ¡cIncreíble!

Posted by simpsmouse, Albrecht on 01/02/08 at 22:25
great but n.bettia were f,u,c,k,ing awful. So no yalcin no de wilde no coradini vs az-cz? F,u,c,,ked.

Posted by Yuna_Jake, Shaluta on 01/02/08 at 22:29
Well done Candelaria and Marquez. We look forward to your visit to our country…

The Comments Board is Now Closed <<

______________________

*Perfectly Observed One-Minute Silence. It’s in the C&M edition of the 2007 OED.

Four men were sat in a café in Casari, getting ready to leave the country after the troop cutbacks requested by Premier Winter were beginning.

The radio in the corner was broadcasting football and rugball scores from Bostopia, with requested music inbetween.

“And this one's for Bos, so Jimmy Do One, Bruv, it's...”

“Did he just say?”

“No, can't have done.”

“He jolly well did!” shouted Denfeld. “Who is this fellow, he must be a spy!”

“It's a shame you're being retired, Field Marshal.”

“What? Oh, no, not anymore what what. The Government's given me a cushy job.”

“Right-o. Well, flight's going soon. Let's go.”

“We haven't paid!”

“...JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!”


In Monham, Mark was watching the television with interest, with his native Casari forming the Bostopian Regional Association for Casarans in Bostopia to be able to play their “own” sports.

“Dad! Casaran sports are coming to Bostopia!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It's on the news!”

“Oh, that's top stuff is that.”

“I can't wait to play Kandai again!”

“Me too, hope they put amateur leagues together.”

[TV] “And in other sports news, the Football Association is putting forward a rescue package to save the Casaran Soccer Authority, and pump much needed money into the football system in Casari. For more on the story, we can now cross to our reporter, Sam Gravving, at Heartwick House.”

In some nondescript dorm room in Helmut...

"So... I'm still not sure if the sacrifice actually... worked," said Russ, checking the latest reports from the World Cup. "I meant, we got an upset win, just not the one we intended."

"Hmm, the only way to know for sure is to DO ANOTHER ONE!" said Peter, jumping to his feet.

"Dude, you realize that a rubber chicken is just a chicken made out of rubber, not a regular chicken covered in some," said Russ. "I checked the Wiki and everything."

"You can't believe everything you read on the internets, Russ," said Peter.

"This coming from YOU?!" Russ retorted.

"This is a lot more fun, anyway," said Peter. "And we have to show Margaret that we're serious."

"What? No, that's ridiculous, why would she prefer a real chicken over what's become the accepted..." Russ began, when there was a whoosh of grey and white through the window.

"Peter hess ze goot point," declared Professor von Steuben, who shook the glass free from his labcoat.

"You... just...!!" Russ stammered.

"Dancougar hess no gott, und follows no credd," von Steuben said. "Zerefore, Margaret vould not likely geef luck to us, es she ees, too, a gott."

"She needs to know that there are some of us who are crazy enough, and wiling enough, to go the extra mile," said Peter. "Professor, you still got access to those chickens, right? We need to carry out some experiments."

"In ze car!" said the professor. The two shook hands heartily, as if telegraphing a mutual understanding.

Russ was still trying to figure out what had happened. "He came through the...!!"

Elsewhere, in the capital, Yuki City...

A night after observing his team win 3-1 from the National Stadium's royal box, King Daniel was in decidedly better spirits. Not only that, but there had been no major problems with the influx of Taeshan fans, roughly twenty five thousand. Even he hadn't expected the opening of the stadium to go so well.

"Perhaps, sire, you should observe all matches in person, as the players seemed highly motivated last night to play well in your presence."

"I'm quite sure they simply fed off the energy that comes from playing at home," replied the king, sipping his morning tea. "The analysts were saying they needed to set their tone by responding to the opening loss, and it seems that they did that. And travel overseas? I do not know what would await me in those distant lands if I went! We haven't exactly done our homework on the rest of the world..."

"Of course, very good, sir."

"The security at the stadium was very good, but perhaps a bit pervasive... I shall have to review it later, and see if we can't streamline things a bit."

"Very good, sir."

King Daniel picked up the paper to see what was on tap. Already articles were flooding in regarding the next match against Hopeless SC, an away fixture. "The boys will have to play harder away from home this time. Hopeless are like Taeshan, all out defense... yet they scored two goals against Bettia. Will we be able to handle a team that has shown that kind of capability?"

World Cup Qualifying – MD2

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Cafundéu http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png
1:3 (0:1)


Match Report:

Kushan Stadium, Port Maypearl, Acapais – The second match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against powerhouse Cafundéu last night and ended in a 3-1 loss for the home side.

Acapais held off the Cafundéu attacks very well for the first twenty minutes. Kléber Tenório’s head broke the deadlock twenty-two minutes in off a corner kick from Jorge Benazzi. Offensively, by the end of the first half with a score of 1-0, Cafundéu had eleven shots on target and Acapais had zero.

Ivan Moutinho Gomes scored the game winning goal when he received a through ball from Roberto Wendison Renat’s back-heel. Cafundéu scored again about twelve minutes later off a header. Cross was sent in by Mukulaiê Bakarangobadah. Overall Acapais performed below par with only one shot on goal that resulted in Acapais’s only score for the evening. Dave Lugini came on as a sub and provided a consolation goal late in the match.

The loss leaves Acapais in sixth place in their group. Acapais is three points away from a qualification spot.

Scoring:
Cafundéu – Kléber Tenório (Jorge Benazzi) 22
Cafundéu – Ivan Moutinho Gomes (Roberto Wendison Renat) 51
Cafundéu – Marcelo Augusto Lafaiete (Mukulaiê Bakarangobadah) 63
Acapais – Lugini (Fronberry) 88

Booking:
Acapais – Rummy (caution; Reckless foul) 34
Acapais – McKellar (caution; Unsporting behavior) 54
Acapais – Pablo (caution; Reckless foul) 86

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton
2 - Bradly Sample
3 - Derek Sample
4 - Nick Daniels (Rex Agitril 82)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 - Pablo (Benjamin Nelson 71)
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar (Dave Lugini 64)
9 - Henry Paroe
11 - Al Vick Osman
10 - Jose Castro

Cafundéu Starting Lineup:
1-LAURO Navarro Vasconcelos
2-Leonardo Macedo de Mattos "LÉO MATTOS"
6-LEANDRO Nunes Moreno “CAVALO”
3-EDUARDO MONTE Castelo Casagrande
4-Guilherme Frota SOUZA
5-Mukulaiê Bakarangobadah Zulaiêká "ANORMAL"
8-Roberto Wendison Renat DA SILVA
7-Marcelo Augusto Lafaiete "MARCELINHO"
10-Jorge Benazzi NETO
9-Ivan Moutinho Gomes "FLECHA"
11-Kléber Tenório FERREIRA


Next Match:

@ Loutra oreas Elenis http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/loutra_oreas_elenis.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=10)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=68)
Friendly vs. Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=74)
WCQ – MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391197&postcount=115)
WCQ – MD2

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Conversion of the The Pazhujeb Islands National Squad

Fellow nations: we rejoice at the greatest single mass conversion of international footballers to Orthodoxy in the long history of the Archregimancy's involvement in the World Cup. Yes, there has been past involvement from individual players from Ariddia, Wentland, Errinundera Bazalonia, and Estresse Intenso, but some of these individuals were already Orthodox. The same is true of our current coach and spokesman from Magnus Valerius- both were already Orthodox Priests. But now, for the first time ever, we've had an entire national squad - and associated officials - convert to the One True Church. The Pazhujeb Islands are now practically national heros here in the Archregimancy, not least because they have followed up their conversion by winning their first 'home' match here at Borisoglebsky stadium. As an all-wooden venue, Borisoglebsky must seem highly familiar to our welcome guests; they are invited to use the venue for as long as is necessary during this difficult time.

A special liturgy of celebration of the Pazhujeb conversion will be held at the Grand Lavra this evening. All recognised canonical Orthodox churches participating in the current World Cup are welcome to send a delegation.

It has not escaped the Monastic Football Association's attention that the Pazhujeb Island's victory takes them ahead of the Archregimancy in our qualification standings following our own 1-1 draw away to Jeruselem. We rejoice that the Jeruselem authorities take a more respectful attitude towards our team than has perhaps been the case in the past, and thank them for providing a Greek Orthodox Boy's Choir to sing the pre-match 'Hallelujah' that passes for our national anthem at away matches. We would like to assure our hosts that no lasting embarrassment was caused by the incident involving Kara Kool as no sexual intent existed, and that their team remain welcome to visit for the return fixture so long as the Princesses clad themselves in traditional 10th-century royal Byzantine veils outside of the actual 90 minutes of the match itself.

As to our stuttering winless campaign, team Coach Fr. Alexey the Hegumen has asked me to note that a more optimistic way of looking at the situation would be to praise God that we remain undefeated - no mean feat given that we've played one of the group's top two seeds away from home.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

"Well? Eleven? You've played this team, are they any good?"

The pregame meetings were as awkward as ever. "Meh, about what we expect. Pretty good, you know, for a bunch of, uh..." Eddie trailed off vaguely.

"For a bunch of crazies?" Andrew bluntly summarized.

"They're not all-I mean, some of them are doctors-" In contrast to the freedom of Cafundéu, Eddie sometimes found Zwangzug stifling with expectations. Political correctness was infrequently among them.

"Don't worry about it," Mal smiled. "Andrew would describe at least half of our team, and at least one-elev-"

"Shut up!" Andrew glared.

"Natalie, you got that roster printed out?" Peter subtly redirected the conversation.

Something more-or-less related to football was discussed, cumulating in the decision that attempting to hack the coach would not be a good idea ("War's Timothy wen u ned him^").

Peter scored both of Zwangzug's goals, one in each half. The second came off of a long pass from Eddie, who had won the ball away from Professor Selic. Zwangzug were up 2-0 when the Institute team rallied back. Bira had a good shot on goal, but apparently didn't think he could make it. He passed to Gabalán, however, who headed it in.

Belinda Littlewood, meanwhile, stood on the sidewalk encircling her workplace. Or would have, if her place of work hadn't become the sidewalk itself. She could get there. The goat could not.

Attempting to drag it forward, without much hope it would actually do anything, she muttered under her breath. "Come on, over this way, sloopy-" Oh, don't give it a name. You don't want to become attached to it, you want it to become unattached from the premises.

Maybe the Bostopian help would show up soon. Or maybe it wouldn't. Mixing football and politics wasn't a good idea in general, she figured. And it had to have been some bureaucrat in the sports organization that had been at the draw, Center or whoever. Right?

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/Casari/casaritv.png

It was a 4-1 win over a bunch of fruit, but there was much bigger news on the day than that.

In a major outpouring of support from Casaran allies Bostopia, a rescue package put forth by the Bostopian Football Association is intended to support the National Team program and the Casaran soccer pyramid.

"Along with a few cost-cutting measures and renegotiation of some contracts with the clubs, we're confident the stimulus package put together by the Bostopians we will be able to support Soccer in Casari for many years to come, and the many fans will be happy to know that we will not be disappearing into the night." As part of the deal, Casari has offered a friendly to be played in Bostopia. This would be the second between the sides, after the first last season, which ended in a tie.

This is probably not what their main opposition, the KNSA, cared to hear. Reports from anonymous members inside the administration of the group have said that the group had possessed plans to maintain a soccer national team program of their own in the case of the collapse of the CSA, but no documents have come to light that confirm these reports. When leading officials in the Casaran National Association were questioned, however, they denied all of the claims as "The mad ramblings of ignorant men."

However, there was good news for the KNSA, as their new Bostopian Assocation got it's first affiliated club today. founded by the patrons of a Casaran-frequented club in Fort Boston. The MacCalahan Tigers, as they named themselves, were formed by a number of Casaran born airship handlers who work as ground crew for Casaran flights flying into Fort Boston and the nearby cities. With a grant from the KNSA, they were also about to purchase a ground, consisting of a somewhat dilapidated former low-level soccer field.

"It might not look good now, but we can restore it to fine condition, some new paint, push the fences back just a bit, and it'll be perfect." One member of the Tyrmani team said during the inspection of the ground. "Now, hopefully there's enough Casarans left in the city to form another club to play against."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NÃO ADIANTA SEGURAR, A GENTE INVADE MESMO ASSIM

http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/9052/18mvgibsonfu5.jpg
Marcelinho commemorates goal with Léo Mattos

The result of the first game was good for the Monopolists, of course, but didn’t mean that the team was strong enough to be able to win all the games. After all, the opponent team was weak, Cafundéu was playing at home, using all its starters. The result was expected. In the second game, few things changed. The team had still its main players, and wasn’t playing against a top team. So, another win was expected, and the team got it. But at least this time the result gave more confidence to the fans, as the result was in an away game.

Changes and Absences: Augusto César in Leandro Cavalo’s place (minor injury).
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: Acapais, trying to recover in the rankings after disappearing for a while.

Although the opponent team isn’t in a good position in the rankings, the name Acapais made some fans remember of the squad that qualified for World Cup 35, and failed to go to Cafundéu (or the UCS) in the next cup. But the situation was completely different. Out of form, Acapais couldn’t hold Cafundéu for much time, and the Monopolists could grab an easy win. Another issue is that Acapais’s coach seemed to wait too much time to make the necessary changes in the team, something that made Cafundéu’s job easier.

THE FIRST HALF: Braddock’s usual strategy was put in action in this game again: strong attacks using the talent of the midfield (the best area of the team) and the speed of the full-backs (who play like wingers, as Vergara returns to the defence often). The Monopolists had to overcome the defence of Acapais, who tried to stop the opponent’s attack defending a lot and attacking few. Because of that, Cafundéu start to pressure, and Acapais simply couldn’t counterattack well. Lauro was even able to sit down to rest a bit, as he didn’t have to make a single save in the first half (Acapais had some shots, but sent them all wide).

If Acapais seemed worried in defending (trying to surprise Cafundéu in a fast play, something that didn’t happen), Cafundéu’s pressure only increased, and the goal finally was scored. Neto took a corner kick. Anormal missed the header, but Ferreira appeared behind the defenders to head and score the first goal of the game. After suffering the goal, Acapais tried to attack more, and Cafundéu had to defend a bit. Eduardo Monte and Léo Mattos were good enough for this job, while Augusto César started some nice attacks. In one of them, Augusto crossed the ball and Da Silva tried to score with a volley, but the ball went over the bar.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Ferreira’s goal): “Corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. Good chance. Neto will send the ball to the arrrrrea, the ball flies with speed... Anorrrrrmal misses, Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra to head it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! And herrrrre comes the rrrrreplay! Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Acapais zerrrrro! Need something for your new house, a new equipment, something that you’ve ever drrrrreamed of? Come to Casas do Tostão, furrrrrniturrrrre and electrrrrrical equipments!”

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/1487/blogimg1679942007060419vs4.jpg
Goalkeeper Pruxton watches the ball entering in the net

THE SECOND HALF: in the second half, Braddock expected to finish the game with at least one more goal. Cafundéu was playing much better, but he knew that one mistake could change the game entirely. So, he put Marcelinho in Vergara’s place, putting Cafundéu in a much more offensive formation. This was risky, but the coach did that thinking about the fact that Acapais was really bad at finishing. And soon the offensive power of the Monopolists appeared. Da Silva took the ball from Pablo in the midfield and dribbled Rummy. With an excellent pass, he found Flecha alone inside the area, who shot and scored the goal. This goal destroyed the hopes of the home team, and Cafundéu could slow down a bit.

But this didn’t mean that Cafundéu stopped to play football. It was already a stronger opponent than Loutras oreas Elenis, so the Monopolists couldn’t let the opponent grow in the game. Luckily, Acapais’s confidence was low after suffering two goals, and it didn’t take much time for Cafundéu to score the third goal. Léo Mattos sent the ball to the attack. Anormal took it in the midfield, avoided Fronberry and went to the left side. Crossed the ball... and Marcelinho headed to score the goal. Cafundéu managed the result, and won the game, even after suffering a goal in the last minutes of the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Flecha’s goal): “You know, Cafundéu is playing well, but need to scorrrrre at least one morrrrre goal to be in a morrrrre comforrrrrtable position in the game, anything can happen. Da Silva now with the ball, good drrrrribble against a defender, looks at the arrrrrea... wonderrrrrful pass to Flecha, he is alone inside the arrrrrea, just the keeper to beat, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The rrrrreplay must come! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu two, Acapais zerrrrro! In violent times like these, it’s not good to walk with money in the strrrrreet. So, what to do? Use one of the exclusive Banco Econômico special crrrrredit carrrrrds!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: the game didn’t have strange or curious moments. This is already a very curious situation, as in every game something strange happens in Cafundéu. But, today, when the “O Internacional” (a newspaper that publish foreign articles), released the article written by Acapais media. There were some mistakes there. The starting eleven of Cafundéu wasn’t the right one (Leandro Cavalo and Marcelinho as starters?), although the description of the game goals and plays was correct. But some Cafundelenses supporters weren’t able to recognize the names of the players. Who’s Ivan Moutinho? It’s Flecha. And Jorge Benazzi? It’s Neto. And where is Da Silva? Da Silva is Roberto Wendison Renat. The names were right after all, but the supporters couldn’t recognize the players.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: two games, two wins, the expected campaign for the Cafundelense team. The coach Franz Braddock was the first to talk to me (it’s the tradition). He said after the game: “We expected much more difficulties in this game than we actually did. Acapais isn’t in good form, and we could take advantage of this fact. So, we must not be arrogant after this game, as the most difficult opponents are yet to be faced. And, in the next game, we’ll face one of them. I expect a real battle in the game against Casari. We’ll even be able to see blood.”

One of the goalscorers of the game, Ferreira, told the reporters after the game: “They tried to avoid suffering goals in the first half and didn’t attack but, when I scored the goal, they had to try to react. This made our job easier. In the end, the result was good for our team, a nice win and three more points, important points in a World Cup qualifiers.” The defender of the National Team, Souza, said: “Well, I had few work to do in this game, I guess this is good. The team is playing well, and we can continue in this form during the competition.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): Acapais didn’t play well today, surely. Until the first goal of Cafundéu, I could even put the names of Rummy and Pruxton among the best of the game, but in the end they couldn’t mantain the good performance. But, for Cafundéu, this was a good game for the players. Da Silva made another good game, Marcelinho and Ferreira too, Flecha scored once... but Anormal showed that his experience is very important. Best player of the match.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Acapais’s goal): “Game is coming to an end. The rrrrreferrrrre announces that therrrrre will be two minutes of injurrrrry time. The ball goes now to Frrrrronberrrrrrrry, Acapais trrrrries to scorrrrre. Good play, the ball goes to Lugini, a confusion inside the arrrrrea... and it’s a goal! Goal for Acapais! Lugini! Acapais one, Cafundéu thrrrrree! Going to the beach? So, you need to get prrrrreparrrrred to imprrrrress other people! Come to the Montanha Gym, wherrrrre you can shape your body!”

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/7209/011739967ex00qk9.jpg
Acapais players commemorate goal in last minutes

ACAPAIS 1x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Kushan Stadium, in Port Maypearl.
Attendance: 71,894 people.
Referee: Mika Rikelainen (Squornshelous).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara (Marcelinho 45’), Anormal, Da Silva (Lionel 80’) and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira (Fabrício 75’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png ACAPAIS: Junxton; B.Sample, D. Sample, Danials (Agitril 82’) and Rummy; Pablo (Nelson 71’), McKellar (Lugini 64’), Paroe, Fronberry and Osman; Castro.
Coach: Stephanie Horne.

Goals:CAF: Ferreira 22’ , Flecha 51’ , Marcelinho 63’.
ACA: Lugini 88’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Casari: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara, Anormal, Da Silva and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 2 games:

3- Flecha
1- Neto, Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho, Ferreira

"It's no good, boss...he'll have to come off..."

David Eager had turned his ankle and Rach Horne was already warming up ready to come on. "Right, bring him here...keep working on the ankle, there may be something we can do..."

Horne ran back to the bench. "Shall I go on, boss?" "No...not just yet...Eager might yet be fit enough to go back out, I don't want to waste a substitution..."

"Boss, there's less than ten minutes to go...and you haven't made one yet..."

"Better safe than sorry..."

"Look, they're exploiting the lack of a right-back...they're bombing down the right wing..."

"Yes...that won't last...we will just get Davo back on...in a sec..."

Physio Bert Bridges was shaking his head. "Broken, boss. Or at least badly bruised...he can't play on..."

"Shall I go on, boss?"

"No, not just yet...that's what they'd EXPECT us to do..."

Horne sat down, pouting. The other substitutes shared her feelings. Match two nearly over and still none of them had been used? And when the ten men failed to hold on as Rejistania scrambled a late equalizer, there were one or two suppressing sniggers.

***

"What's this?" Hacker was staring at a piece of paper handed to him by a fan. The fan peeled off a prosthetic face mask to reveal Jors Truly, Ace Solicitor.

"An injunction! Those brave ladies of WHINGE have complained that you have not given equal opportunity to the members of their fair sex. For the next game you must start with eleven women! Muahahaha!!!"

After the game against Zwangzug, the Landau Institute players were commenting about the loss in the dressing room.

DR. ZETTI - "Well, at least we fought well, they had the best team, the result was expected."

GABALÁN - "We are in Sector Delta, this is our place! We can't let our opponents defeat us at home! They played better, but we had a good game too, the draw wasn't so far away... we failed in our mission."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "I tried to use all my powers in this game, we did our best, we just weren't able to win the game."

(The Machine enters)

THE MACHINE - "What happened today? I prepared a perfect strategy to win this game, I thought that this game could end in a surprising Landau Institute victory!"

DR. LANDAU - "Sorry, coach, we just weren't able to defeat such a strong opponent."

REBECCA - "After all, Zwangzug is a top ten nation."

THE WANDERER - "And don't forget that Barnes played against us weeks ago, he knew how to play against us."

DR. ZETTI - "And Mal Faustino was in the bench in that game."

DR. SABIN - "Bench doesn't mean nothing. He was sleeping there. Hartenholm was sleeping too! And Patette was playing cards with Lauro... these stars weren't so interested in playing against us."

THE MACHINE - "Well, Gabalán, good job in scoring once. But, unfortunately, they had already scored twice when you headed the ball to the net."

PROF. SELIC - "We followed your orders, coach."

THE MACHINE - "You didn't. I asked Father Anacleto and The Wanderer to defend more and attack less, to let Doctor Zetti attack to shoot from outside the area..."

FR. ANACLETO - "I didn't hear that."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "In fact, we didn't hear nothing..."

THE MACHINE - "Is it true, Jesus? I spoke a lot with you!"

PROF. BANGU MELO - "It's right, coach."

THE MACHINE - "Something happened with the earphones, they didn't work today. What happened? Or the best question should be... who make this happen?"

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

Outraged at the Archregimancy!

WE, THE COMPLETELY-NON-MILITARY-RELATED-AND-ABSOLUTELY LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS OF THE PAZHUJEB ISLANDS, DEMAND THAT THE NATIONAL TEAM UNCONVERT FROM ORTHODOX CHRISTIANITY AT ONCE!!!

As the members of the so-called Purple Sea Urchins (more like the Purple Pee Urchins, ha ha, General Durnami came up with that one) have disgraced their own national pride by converting to the faith of the ugly, white-faced, McDonalds-eating West, we condemn their actions and demand their immediate return to the Islands for their punishment! While they are off gallivanting around the globe on their blasphemous airplanes, their fellow Pazhujebis are gladly fulfilling their national duty by building a new Army training base outside of Bengaluru (and perfectly willingly, we might add)!

As a punishment that will be levied upon ALL Pazhujebi citizens as a consequence of these immature football players outright insolence, we as the PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE Pazhujebi Imperial Commission announce that the minimum number of years EVERY citizen will be required to spend in service to the Pazhujebi Armed Forces will be increased to fifty. That's right, fifty.

While we're at it, all elementary school institutions will be reconverted into firing ranges for a (maybe) temporary period of time, as we feel that the children of our nation would be better served being trained to use firearms than learning to read.

Shame on you, monks of the Archregimancy. As soon as Lieutenant Punarutthan finishes reading that nuclear physics textbook, you will be ruing the day you interfered in Pazhujebi affairs!!!

Signed, General Zahabul-Bashar, Executive Supreme Commander of the Pazhujebi Armed For- oh... I mean Some Government Official

P.S. - Congratulations to yesterday's goalscorers Redhe Lissama and especially Mahmudanam Rha, whose 89th minute goal won the game. I guess.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Ulzaxid 3-2 Krytenia: Ratings

John Ibanez: 5
Commanded his box well with crosses, but spilled a shot for the home side's second.

Darren Gibernau: 7
Linked up well with Taylor on the right. Booked.

Chris Worvell: 7
Kept his end up defensively and passed well.

Stephen Sparrow: 6
Game cut short after early injury.

Peter Pojencic: 9 - Star Player
Commanding debut capped by superb headed goal.

Robbie Taylor: 7
Made good use of available space - shame his crosses weren't picked up as often.

Steve Asquith: 4
Never looked on form, and lost the ball to quickly. At fault for the winner.

Oliver McDonald: 6
Reasonably composed, but effectively trying to do the work of two men. Booked.

Thomas Obadele: 6
Was effectively frustrated by his opposite number.

Mark Lucas: 5
Largely anonymous at the head of the field.

Raphael Kennedy: 8
Always looking for the run and finish and deserved his goal. Needs more support from players behind though.

SUBS
Jonathan Svalberg (for Sparrow, 11 mins) - 6
Gerry Luzhmanov (for Asquith, 61 mins) - 6

In the office of the Counselor-Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ray McKeen, his secretary appeared a bit nervous.

LINA - (the secretary) "Mr. McKeen, the Emperor wants to talk with you."

MCKEEN - (the Counselor-Minister) "The Emperor? Ask him to come in."

LINA - "Please come in, your highness."

VAN TOCCO - (the Emperor) "McKeen, it won't take much time. I want you to write a note to The Pazhujeb Islands' government. Some players of their nation play in Cafundéu, and I want to make sure that none of them will get hurt or do something that they don't want to do. If they want to be Orthodox, they can, I don't mind."

MCKEEN - "Right."

He finishes the letter:

Dear leaders of The Pazhujeb Islands,

We understand that the news about the players of your National Team converting to
the Orthodox chuch were surprising. But, if you punish or obligate the players that play
in Cafundéu to do something that they don't want to, we can react in the economic
field, not buying goods from your nation (and we know that you sell many things to
us!).

These are the players. With the others, you can do whatever you want to:

Vekaj Amutarrad
Xussanikara Ghur
Huvem Tushambanda

Thanks
Ray McKeen
Counselor-Minister of Foreign Affairs

VAN TOCCO - "Wait! There is something wrong!"

MCKEEN - "What? I wrote what you said!"

VAN TOCCO - "Remove the name of Huvem Tushambanda, he doesn't play in Cafundéu yet."

MCKEEN - "Yet?"

VAN TOCCO - "They can't discover about the deal until his contract ends. Remove his name... well, I think you should remove the phrase saying that they could do anything that they would like to to the other players, as Huvem is one of them now."

MCKEEN - "Okay, done."

The letter is sent with the modifications.

Sports Inquiry - "WTF?"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: ?
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)


What exactly happened last night? I have no clue, but somehow the Imperial Team managed to beat Krytenia. And only too fortunately I suppose as well. They conceded a goal early on, thanks to their always leaky defense. And again, only too fortunately the offense was feeling very perky as they took back 3 goals to win the match. You can blame the home crowd in Joseon for the enthusiasm, at least. After Krytenia took the lead in the 6th minute, Yi Yeongpyo made the equalizer at 30 minutes. Taking the lead at 37 minutes, Song Jongguk managed a long ball to the top right corner. And that last goal coming in the 67th minute coming of Kim Daeeui sealed the deal.

But if you’re expecting any relenting praise for the team from me, you’re wrong. The defense was just plain awful. They literally started on the wrong foot and they failed to get up on the right foot throughout the entire match. There were too many close calls, and were it not for Kim Yongdae’s brilliance, who perhaps was the only shining star on the team, this match would favor Krytenia’s persistent strikers. Our own strikers were too lucky to beat the Krytenia defense, and the few times that the Imperial Team struck hard the Krytenia players didn’t expect it. I suppose in spite of his old age and lost fame, Cha Beomgeun still has some tricks up his sleeves. But this was against the 70th ranked team in the world, so I suppose we’ll be waiting for the next match against Cadarnia, the 176th ranked team in the world. And as I’ve said before, the Imperial Team has had great difficulty against low ranked teams, so you can expect this match to be something on the order of a 1-1 draw, maybe a 2-1 win if we’re lucky.


Goal Scorers:
1 – Kim Daeeui, Song Jongguk, Yi Yeongpyo, Jeong Jihun

Empire Suffers Humiliating Loss

The empire suffered its worse international loss ever today with an 8-1 defeat against 10th ranked Demot. In what is being labeled as the darkest day of Blouman football and one where every player involved should be embarrassed. Manager Luke Danner at the press conference said "Yes this is a disappointing loss but it must be remembered that we did play a team that is in the top ten of this tournament, however, i saying that we did not play to the best of our ability and the score should have been a lot tighter". While many are calling for Danners head the FFB issued this statement "While the game against Demot was terrible, we have absolute confidence in both the manager and the players to turn this around and show some class and top football before the qualifiers are over".
The game started with Forgedawn scoring in the 3rd minute and then again in the 10th. The empire managed to have a 5 shots on goal in the first half but only one was on target with Demot keeper Jupiter pulling off a magnificent save. By half time the score was 6-0 with Lewis scoring two in the 15th and 27th minute Hart scoring in the 35th minute and Conner scoring in the 44th with a spectacular header from a corner. The second half was better for the empire and while they played with more determination it was already all over. Lewis scored Demots seventh goal from a controversial offside decision which the replay showed that Lewis was clearly offside in the 76th minute. It only took another four for Forgedawn to score their eigth goal. Substitue Anthony Williams brought back some dignity for the team with a cracker of a goal in the 85th minute to bring the final score 8-1 with Demot having 70% possession. The result sees the empire move down to fifth postion on the table with three points only one point behind the top three.

Empire Hosts First Home Qualifier

The Blouman Empire is about to have its first home game, to be held at newly built Waverely Stadium. The empire will be playing The Pazhujeb Islands currently third on the table and yet to lose a game, the game is seen as a must win if the empire is to have any chance of qualifying especially after the disgraceful loss to Demot with the entire empire eagerly awaiting for the kick off. A large pregame show will begin two hours before kick off with fanfare and performances of all traditional dances from all nations of the empire, the Emperor will give a speech before the two teams take to the field when International singing star Kelly Mosna will sing the national anthems of both countries.

Manager Luke Danner said "This will be a difficult game but myself and the team wish to come back from our recent loss and have the win especially as this will be our first home game and we want to prove to the fans that we can win and with them behind us I think that we will come through with some excellent football and win the game", Captain Sam Kiamar said "We have greatly improved from our last game and learnt why we went so wrong myself and the team will be going out there today and showing the world what we can do, it will be a tough game but we can make it". With a sold out stand and the entire 61012 people expected to attend there will be a lot of cheer for the home side, with the fans expecting better play than the last game.

This will also be the first World Cup game where the team will be wearing the controversial home strip, where there has been much debate and even a court case over what the national colours of the Empire, it has been decided by the FFB after two public competitions neither of which any designs were selected that the home strip will be, Red horizontal band on top and bottom quarter, thin royal blue horizontal band underneath top red band, thin green horizontal band above bottom red band and in the middle a gold horizontal band which in many peoples eyes is a hogwash of colours designed to place at least one colour from each of the 12 nations so as not to displease anyone, the debate on this issue will continue for a while

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Two Down, Twice Downed

AFTER a narrow defeat in their first game, the Aces were high in confidence for their second road trip, in the city of Joseon, Daehanjeiguk. The confidence, however, turned out to be misplaced; despite quickly taking the lead, the inexperienced visitors could not hold on, and fell by the wayside in a three-one reverse.

Daehanjeiguk's notoriously rickety defence was under the cosh from the start, and after Mark Lucas crashed a chance against the post barely thirty seconds into the game, the visitors grabbed the lead on six minutes. A run for Robbie Taylor, who seems to improve with every game, saw the ball taken down the right flank; as he slid the ball into the centre, Sa-Bik Yi mistimed the clearance, and Raphael Kennedy put away his second of qualifying.

Alas, it was not to last. After a lucky equaliser, with Yeong-Pyo Yi's shot beating John Ibanez with a heavy deflection off Jonathan Svalberg, the home side took the lead before the break. There were no complaints about this goal though; Jong-Guk Song slamming home an absolute corker from fully thirty yards which left Ibanez no chance. The Aces were demoralised, and the clinching goal came halfway through the second half, Dae-Eui Kim poking home from close range after a goalmouth scramble.

Krytenia finally return to the Isserson Stadium for their next game; they'll be hoping to collect full points against oddly-monikered no-marks Bull Horns Rule.

Daehanjeiguk - 3
YP Yi 30
Song 37
DE Kim 67

Krytenia - 1
Kennedy 6

Ratings: Ibanez 7, Gibernau 6, Worvell 7, Svalberg 6, Pojencic 5 (Maninga 6), Taylor 9, Asquith 8, McDonald 6, Obadele 7, Kennedy 8, Lucas 7 (Lismond 6).

Jacinta: Hey, what's this ... thing!
Kara: Apparently, us girls have to wear these when we visit the Monks at home.
Jacinta: Looks like something from the bloody middle ages.
Kara: It is something from the middle ages

Jacinta: Us French women were more liberated than that during the Middle ages
Kara: I know, mind you us Jewish girls weren't that different to your Orthodox sisters.
Jacinta: No wonder they had a Schism
Kara: Can we not reopen these old historical wounds there

Jacinta: OK, err ... Evil Polish Donors ...
Kara: They should be easier to play then the Monks
Jacinta: Yes, considering their current rank. None ...
Kara: We should refrain from our usual Polish jokes

Jacinta: It's an away game?
Kara: Yes, that's why.
Jacinta: At least we won't have issues with people converting to Orthodoxy
Kara: No one wants to convert to Polish-ness

Jacinta: OK, let's put this thing on.
Kara: If you insist ...

<Later>

Jacinta: It's warm in here ...
Kara: That's because you're used to walking around naked
Jacinta: It's bloody heavy too
Kara: I'm glad we're not wearing those if we're playing

Jacinta: Makes it bit hard to jump around
Kara: Or tripping over yourself
Flak: Who's this?
Kara: Jacinta, with clothes on

Flak: Something new everyday
Kara: What, you like?
Jacinta: Well?
Flak: Kind off

Jane: Hey, we've got a female Monk supporter here!
Flak: It's just Jacinta.
Jane: Oh, you mean we have to wear these things?
Flak: I keep forgetting you're a Commie

Jacinta: Our favourite Commie
Jane: Jacinta's covered up for once anyway, I hope she's got something underneath
Kara: She does
Flak: That's a relief

The Imaginatively Named Football Show

"...back here on NSN, that's coming up next. Now some analysis of the other matches just concluded... Krytenia being beaten, what happened there?"

"Well, Daehanjeiguk played much better there, you're usually going to win if you score more goals than the opposition."

"'Usually'?!"

"Well, it doesn't help if your team all scores own goals, right? I mean, they count as negative goals for your team, so even if you score like twenty goals, but they're all own goals, you end up losing minus twenty to nil."

"I... uhm..."

"Anyway, I think they are really playing marvellously. Look at how many goals they scored, to win you always have to score more goals. If you're having more possession in your opponent's half you can dominate the game as long as you stay out of penalty box."

"I'm sorry?"

"Can't be going and giving up powerplays so often right? Is that how it works in football?"

"...no."

"Sorry. Let's take you live now to the match between Zwangzug and Estresse Intenso, and anticipation is building ahead of this game."

Rick Easter buried his face in his hands and in a strangled voice said, "It's a delayed telecast."

Ad'ihan appoint Protectorate Utd's Dave Hollow as manager

The Ad'ihan Football Federation have today announced the surprise appointment of Protectorate United's assistant manager Dave Hollow as the new manager of the national team, following Ad'ihan's 2-0 away win at Carcim.

Hollow, who at 32 becomes the youngest-ever national team manager, will take charge of his first match against Bazalonia at home. He was in the stands as Ad'ihan lost 1-0 to Sorthern Northland through a Ben O'Bagels goal. Tellingly, Hollow was alongside AFF acting director Pierre-André Kavan at the final whistle when Kavan made his way to pitchside to shake the hand of the Sorthern manager, Kevin O'Crohan.

Hollow did not make the trip to Carcim, which is partly the reason his appointment has been greeted by surprise. Announcing Hollow's appointment, Kavan agreed that Hollow would not be everyone's first choice, but urged the press and the fans to give him some time to settle in.

"As with any major managerial overhaul, either at club or national level, there will be a period of transition," Kavan said. "We expect that Dave will be winning games soon. The Bazalonia match will be a stern test and as always we will expect the best out of the squad, but if we lose I'd hope the media don't immediately jump all over Dave's back."

Hollow, who has stepped down from his post at his club team, said that he would not be making any changes to the World Cup roster.

"I'm happy with the team as is. From what I saw against Sorthern Northland, and against Carcim on the telly, this side has got plenty of quality about them. I know it's a difficult group, with Bazalonia, Sel Appa and Sorthern Northland, but I'm confident we can qualify with this squad. Brennan-Evans and Connor scored two great goals and from the looks of things we should be having no difficulty."

Hollow has had no previous managerial experience, leading to many newspaper columnists crying foul, asking why Kavan did not go for a foreign coach. In Liverpool England, which retains strong ties to Ad'ihan, Jason Rowe asks in the National Enquirer if Kavan has just dug Ad'ihan's grave with the appointment.

"One just has to wonder if Kavan knows exactly what he's doing," Rowe writes, "Hollow has no experience at this level. I can see Ad'ihan — the closest thing we here in Liverpool England have to a national team nowadays — missing out on qualifying. Hollow has a huge task ahead of him to endear himself to fans and players alike. Kavan may well have just put the final nail in Ad'ihan's qualifying coffin this cup following the weak 1-0 loss to Sorthern Northland at home."

Radio Ad'ihan International's Chief Football Correspondent Davey Thomson agrees. Writing in the Grand Island Scribe, Thomson expresses worries that Hollow will fail to gain the players' respect, especially from those playing overseas. "Players like Kenneth Quinn and Julian D'Abbo play their club football out of Ad'ihan, in Candelaria And Marquez and Cafundéu respectively. They will have been exposed to different ways of playing under much more senior coaches than Hollow. I have to wonder if Hollow will be able to command their respect. Hollow's best bet would be to give his orders, for the first few games at least, through captain Jed Fisher."

Ad'ihan take on Bazalonia at the Protectorate Stadium in Hollow's first game in charge.

MD………………Opponents………………………………………Venue………………………………………………………………………Score
FR………………Candelaria And Marquez……National Stadium, CCL……(N)………………3-4
01………………Sorthern Northland………………Protectorate Stadium………(H)………………0-1
02………………Carcim………………………………………………Unknown…………………………………………(A)………………2-0
03………………Bazalonia………………………………………Protectorate Stadium………(H)
04………………Beer Served Here……………………Unknown…………………………………………(A)
05………………Minilla Island…………………………Protectorate Stadium………(H)
06………………Dino's Pizza………………………………Stade Aéroport*……………………(H)
07………………Sel Appa…………………………………………NativeZone…………………………………(A)
FR………………TBA………………………………………………………TBA
08………………Sorthern Northland………………James Connolly Stadium…(A)
09………………Carcim………………………………………………Great Mets Stadium*…………(H)
10………………Bazalonia………………………………………Unknown…………………………………………(A)
11………………Beer Served Here……………………Tallyn Ground*………………………(H)
12………………Minilla Island…………………………Unknown…………………………………………(A)
13………………Dino's Pizza………………………………Unknown…………………………………………(A)
14………………Sel Appa…………………………………………Protectorate Stadium………(H)

*Stade Aéroport – formerly Arène de la Mer used in WC37
*Tallyn Ground – formerly Barrier Island Region Ground used in WC37
*Great Mets Stadium – formerly Stadium by the Shore used in WC37

Thoril was just heading out to meet up with the rest of the team when the phone rang. Knowing he had a few minutes to spare, he deicded to pick it up.

"Hello, who is this?"

"Thoril! It's me Harthgate. I've got news for you that you would like to hear I thinks."

"Can it wait Harthgate, the squad is meeting up shortly and I need to be there."

"I guess it can. ... Can you meet me after your game tonight?"

"I suppose I can. What's this about Harthgate?"

"I can't say over the phone, but trust me, you are going to want to know this information. It is prudent that I relay it to you as soon as possible. I'll meet you in Scotchpinestan at midnight."

Before he could respond, the phone clicked and Harthgate had hung up.

Peculiar. Harthgate seemed almost desperate to tell me this information. I wonder what could be soo important.

In the end, life will be Cut Off.

Sports Inquiry - "The Great Debate!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: ?
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)



In lieu of the two successive wins against the 70th and 176th ranked teams, MBC International is hosting the Great Debate to debate the fine and weak points of the Imperial Team's qualification tour! With us today are the esteemed Dr. Hwang Sunweon and the not so esteemed man we picked off he street to participate in this debate.

: Hwang, I take that you're doing well?

Hwang: I am.

: And what is your name?

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: Okay. This is going to be one interested debate... So anyway. The Han took the win away in Cadarnia, with a resounding 2-0 win. Jeong Jihun and Baek Jihun got their marks and the Imperial Team continues to move up to third position following a disastrous rout against Ariddia. What do you think is the team's biggest challenge up and coming before the halfway mark?

Hwang: Bostopia, no doubt. They're a bunch of a fascists, and we're only too lucky that we won't play them until much later. But if the Han can manage a good game, even win it, we'll have little other difficulty trying to progress.

: And what's your opinion?

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: And why did we bring this idiot onto the stage?

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY! OOGLY BOOGLY!

: Alright, alright. Next question. After the halfway mark, we face Ariddia at home. What do you think the fortunes are for the Han this time around?

Hwang: Well, Ariddia has always boasted a strong team. I find it will difficult to win or even draw against them. The only thing that we can hope to do is manage the match well and not lose by too much.

: And I'm not going to even ask you.

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: So, there's been talk of the Imperial Squad being 'over-rated' especially among our own country folk. They cite the numerous chances failed to progress to the World Cup and even in the most recent Cup of Harmony. DO you think this label is valid and true?

Hwang: Well, it might be valid, but it certainly isn't true. The Han have been blossoming into a competent team over the past few seasons, so we can only expect them to do so well with as much experience as the players have accumulated.

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: Alright, just shut up!

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: I'm going to have to call security. You're not contributing anything to this conversation!

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY! *steals microphone away*

: Hey! I have to use that!

Man off the street: OOGLY BOOGLY! *eats microphone and runs off stage*

: Bring that back, you %$#@$ %$#^%$ %$#@%$#^$@$#@$#@^%#$...

And tune in next time for a more academic debate. Hopefully.


Goal Scorers:
2 - Jeong Jihun
1 – Kim Daeeui, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk, Yi Yeongpyo

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 3: @ Samcoa
Samcoa 1
QAZOX 3


A great 3-1 win over a game Samcoa team that did rather well in the Baptism of Fire, but the young-blood Pheonix managed to overcome an early Samcoa goal to win rather easily. Kallie Jaus tied it up in the 22nd minute, but just 17 minutes later a hard tackle by a Samcoa defender, sent her off with a high ankle sprain. It is a bit early to determine the extent of her injury, but Jaus will probably miss the next game, maybe the next two with the injury.

After the injury and the Samcoa red card, Qazox took over the match, easily controlling the midfield play and the pressure of being a person down, allowed the two second half goals by Jeffie Huhman. After the lead became 3-1, Head Coach Ryan Greenley, settled the team in a 5-back line, preserving the win.

Up next is a match against former #1 Starblaydia. While Starblaydia isn't quite the squad they used to be, they are always a tough match, especially on the road. I think the good start will continue with a hard fought 2-1 Pheonix win.

Summary:

Samcoa: Goal- 9'
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (Goal- 22')
Qazox: INJURY: Kallie Jaus (Jeffie Huhman Subbed in)- 39'
Samcoa: RED CARD- 39'
Qazox: Jeffie Huhman (Goal -51')
Qazox: Jeffie Huhman (Goal -60')
Qazox: Subsitution (Russ Heberly in for Maria Cruz-Preli)- 72'
Samcoa: Susbsitution- 72'
Samcoa: Susbsitution- 77'

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 2
Huhman- 2
Tarricone- 1
Valladores- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-1
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
RED:
none

NOTE: Next match, please Sub Willow Farmwald in for Kallie Jaus, if you RP before me.

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS choke against Ariddia.

We got our moral victory, but not a victory, as the Wombats blew a 2-0 halftime lead, losing to World Cup founders Ariddia 3-2. Goals by Claudia Bard in the 28th and 43rd minutes gave the Wombats the lead, sending the home crowd into a frenzy. The lead might have made the Wombats overconfident as Ariddia came out guns blazing in the second half.

3 goals in the first 14 minutes of the half made it 3-2 in favor of the Rouge-et-Noirs, as Ralph Bing continued to struggle in these early matches. Rodney Rosenfeld will start in net for the next match at Cadarnia.

"LIVE from Violitism, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Violitism for the third qualifing match for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Violitism, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "The Violitism team consists of only one player, they have no chance of winning this match!"

RJ: "Right you are Coach, but can Mr. Nicnann's plans defeat a lone desparate man!"

<plays Violitism's national anthem>

RJ: "Violitism's crowd is erriely silent as the lone man, known only as Prisioner 1010110011 come out on the field!!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd Cheers crazily.>

Coach: "That's a first, I bet, a Home team rooting for the visitor!"

RJ: "And they're ready to kickoff the match..."

<cut to 7th minute>

RJ: " and Matt Victor Paulsen makes it 1-0 Prawns, Their first lead of the qualifiers!"

Coach: "Come on.. it's not that big of a deal. It's 11-on-1 out there, a huge mismatch!"

RJ: "The criminal lines himself up for the kickoff and he's promply tackled by James Nobel and....

<cut to 43rd minute>

RJ: "Surpisingly its still 1-0, despite the 10 man advantage by Prux, as this desparate man has palyed his arse off, but after that cheap shot on Mikey James, Matt Victor Paulsen has a penalty kick...and 2-0 PRUX!!!!!"

Coach: "Will Mr. Nicnann continue to pound on this lone player?"

RJ: "He better, we need all the goal differential we can get and "

<cut to 62nd minute>

RJ: "3-0 Prawns as Matt Victor Paulsen gets a hat-trick following that diving head-butt off the corner by C. M. Junk. "

Coach: "This is just asinine, The referee needs to stop this match, I don't know if the Violitism prisoner can take much more of this!"

RJ: "Mr. Nicnann is taking revenge on the poor player for the Prawns 5-1 loss last week to Kura-Pelland. OH MY DOG, the prisoner is bleedign from the mouth, as he's being run ragged over the pitch! "

<cut to 89th minute>

RJ: "Jason Brian Layden has now made it 4-0 Prux, as clearly the lone Violitism player has had enough!"

Coach: "This is great, a 4-0 win, our biggest ever! Hell I could even score on that guy..<Takes off headset and starts heading to the field>

RJ: "What's Coach doing? He's talkign to Mr. Nicnann and what's this? The entire team is being taken off the field and Coach is heading out there!"

<cut to 92nd Minute>

RJ: "Coach looks like he needs to crawl under a roack as he's given up a goal here late in injury time, making it 4-1 Prux. And there's the whistle!"

<END of match>

RJ: "A great day for the Prawns, despite Coach's feeble attempts at goalkeeping. Up next is St Samuel, who were just beaten by Rugiero 1-0. For the breathless Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you in St Samuel!"

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen- 3
Chris Jerusalem-2
Jason Brian Layden- 1

In the world of international sport, teams come and they go, rise and fall. Of the hundreds (perhaps over a thousand?) nations to attempt to reach World Cup glory, only a few could be considered "top-flight" teams. A vast majority of teams sit in a muddle, with middling results before disappearing off the map due to institutional apathy, destruction of a nation, what have you.

In today's muddle: Rugiero may be the most middling of any team today.

Little is known of the nation. The NationStates' most rich and powerful may consider Rugiero as a tax-haven, a vacation-spot, a place to indulge in their desires and hide from certain jail time and/or death, but none would consider the place a giant in the world of football. One couldn't even consider the team a sleeping giant.

The team has bounced from coach to coach, players come and go, a real lack of investment in infrastructure and training pervades the entire enterprise, and no one seems willing to front the money that could improve the team, viewing it as a wasted effort.

And so, Rugiero, and it's anxious fans wait for, if not victory, improvement. The ability to compete with the biggest of the big. The possibility of success.

Though, frankly, it seems hard to imagine this happening anytime soon.

"Hello, and welcome to Yafalonia & Bazor 2 Confidential the news source about news behind the news."

The lone voice on a radio announced the begining of a popular pirate radio show, obviously called 'Yafalonia & Bazor 2 Confidential/'

"In the few minutes I have we'll look into 2 very important things, firstly the name change of our great nation from 'The Desputed Territories of' to 'The Confused Identities of'. I don't know about you I'm not confused about MY identity, I know exactly who I am and for those government watchdogs listening, yes don't think I know your there, I wouldn't be stupid enough to say my name or where I Live.

The government is wanting everyone to be confused, not only about Yafalonia and Bazor 2 but about football, and about themselves, the more confused the populace is the easier we are to control. Do not let that happen. Do not be confused but be infused with righteous anger, take control of your lives be certain in whatever you do... This also nicely links up with my second topic... We dominated the BoF coming in third in the entire tournament and now when we're facing the big boys we come out with 2 wins out of 3 matches? Something seems a bit iffy. We lost quite convincingly against 49th ranked team Jeru FC with 4 goals to 1.

and yet faced Novapsolu who are 24th in the world and came away with a 2-nil win? Something seemed is certainly strange there, however with our 2-0 win again Novapsolu you'd expect the Algal States match to be a walk over an unranked team compared to 24th in the world. We still come away with a win but only 2-1, something is very fishy going on at FAIL head quarters and I am going to find out. Stay with me as I bring you the true stories behind the stories in the news. Only on Yafalonia and Bazor 2 Confidential!"

_______

"What's this nut going on about?" Listener 1

"It seems he thinks that the Yafalonian and Bazorite Government are conspiring with FAIL to fix matches in the World Cup 39."

"You mean bribes."

"Probably."

"You mean shady underhanded backroom deals with club management?"

"Most likely"

"You mean *hushed voice* Alien Conspiracies?"

"Most certainly..."

"I knew it, the World Cup is being used a tool by hostile aliens to infiltrate the various international footballing organisations, the results of the matches are being used a code to secretly communicate with their mothership from which they impregant young minds in the youth leagues with mind control devices and use this massive army to take over the entire world. We're Dooooomed!"

Qazox City, Qazox...

"Sir, we have reports of a massive 400 person march in the northern mountains. It appears to be a cult of something." The assistant director of Internal Security reported.

"400 people, that's a bit troublesome. Have they done anything to allow covert surveilance?" The Director replied.

"Not yet, sir. Most of the people are carrying signs that say "the end is nearing the end". We can't make heads nor tails of it yet. We think it's a religious reference, but haven't linked it to any known texts." The assistant answered. "Sir, if this march gets any bigger, we might have to put it down."

"Not yet. Offically, we can't infiltrate a group like this unless they are over 500 members or have begun violent acts. But I think this group needs watching. Get our best covert infiltrators on this, I think you know the persons I'm talking about. If they can't get us answers, then no one can." The Director ordered, turning back to watch his many TV screens, filled with video of public figures.

Video room of the Landau Institute. Patients and doctors getting prepared to watch the important game against Lovisa.

PATIENT 33,019,391 - "This is surely one of the most important games of these qualifiers. It can decide if we'll qualify or not."

DR. TIB - "You're absolutely right. We're the best fourth seed, and Lovisa is the second worst third seed. Three nations go to the World Cup, we're very close to this place. If we beat Lovisa, we increase our chances."

PATIENT 1 - (called the Messiah, as he's the first patient of the Institute) "We... need... qualify."

PATIENT 912,002 - "Messiah, don't talk. You're too old for this. Just watch the game."

PATIENT 1 - "I feel that this can be the last chance of the Institute."

FR. CLEMENT - "God will surely do what is best. We can not understand his ways, but we must trust him. He'll guide our National Team to the heavens."

DR. JIMENEZ - "I don't want them to go to heaven, I want them to go to the World Cup!"

Game is played, and ends with the victory of Lovisa.

PATIENT 1 - "Shame... changes needed... we must fight."

PATIENT 912,002 - "Don't talk, Messiah. It's just one game, we can get enough points to qualify."

DR. JIMENEZ - "I'm not sure... this loss was really embarassing..."

DR. TIB - "Don't you think that there is something wrong... it seemed to me that The Machine didn't prepare a special strategy..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Lovisa...

PROF. BANGU MELO - "The Machine is broken... call Pascal now! He needs to know what's happening with his son!"

THE MACHINE - "The earphones aren't working, I'm not feeling well, there's something wrong with me."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Wanderer, you know something about mechanics, you worked in The Machine's project, you'll help Pascal..."

THE WANDERER - "Well Jesus, I know something about The Machine and mechanics, but... help in what?"

PROF. BANGU MELO - "He needs an emergency surgery... we need to save him."

THE MACHINE - "A surgery? Oh, no, I'm scared!"

PROF. BANGU MELO - "I don't know if we can continue playing in this situation..."

Can The Machine survive the surgery? Can Jesus Bangu Melo qualify the Landau Institute in a miracle?

(OOC: watching the São Paulo Carnival [the "carnival parades"] on tv... taking advantage of the fact that I'm not sleeping now [4:30 a.m.] to write this RP... as Caf is a more complex one, expect it after... 17 hours)

"Oh dear, a four nil defeat, the nation will not be happy, what shall we do?"

"I don't know. Why the hell are you asking me?"

"Because your the acting President until the election results are out."

"I am?"

"Yeah, did no one tell you?"

"Well no, hold on have the elections taken place?"

"They're taking place as we speak."

"Oh I see. Did I stand?"

"No you didn't. Someone from the Workers' Party is favourite to win."

"What a surprise! That's the only party with a membership of over one hundred people."

"True, so how do we gloss over this defeat?"

"Simple we write an angry letter to the military junta of The Pazhujeb Islands condemning their threat to do something. That should make people happy with our world peace stance."

"Good idea, show the world we're not aggressors like Bostopia."

"Exactly, now what's the Pazhujeb's military spending like compared to ours?"

"Well they spend some $78,261,462,587 of their budget on the military, whilst we spend some $330,550,250,167."

"So why does everyone have the impression that we don't have much of a military?"

"No idea, now then this letter?"

"Yes let's see....."

An open letter to The Pazhujeb Islands


To one, General Zahabul-Bashar, some official in the illegitimate military junta of The Pazhujeb Islands. (There we said it.)

We heard the news of your national football teams players converting to the Orthodox Church with great sadness. Clearly they have been brainwashed by those Monks into a live of soberness and celibacy. In this modern day and age we find this unacceptable that members of The Pazhujeb Islands can convert to the Orthodox Church. We thought Pazhujebs were smarter than to believe in this myth they call God. We will support any effort you make to get your players back.

HOWEVER we also condemn your decision to punish those loyal members of your fine nation who haven't betrayed you to some hoax called a church. We urge you to reduce the length of conscription for your average citizen to something more humane and suggest that to punish these traitors who call themselves footballers that you give any of their relations or friends a one hundred (Yes 100) year conscription in your fine military.

If you disagree with us then we will threaten to invade your nation and call it a glorious revolution of the people. Now if we compare the expenses that our two nations spend on military you'll see that compared to the $78,261,462,587 you currently spend a year we spend the figure $330,550,250,167, which is a lot more and means that in theory we have a superior military. Of course money isn't everything and the fact that your nation has nowhere for our Air Forces aircraft to land and some idiot cut the ropes of our naval ships while they were in dock and the then drift away doesn't exactly help our cause.
(NB: Should you see our ships floating off the coast of your nation, then if you return them to us we would be grateful.)

Yours faithfully, Shane O'McKevaly, (Acting President of Sorthern Northland.)


PS: If you cast your mind back to the qualifiers for the last World Cup you may remember that our nations played each other and whilst in The Pazhujeb Islands, our player Neuville Senna was kidnapped by some voodoo's in your nation. I trust there is no chance he can escape or will be let go?

PPS: If you don't believe we spend that much on our military you can check here (http://www.sunsetrpg.com/economystatistics.php?nation=Sorthern+Northland). (Note: We may have changed our spending by the time you receive this.)

PPPS: If you ever find yourself in Sorthern Northland, please call and we'll go for a drink in something.

"There that should do the trick?"

"Which tricks that? To get another nation to declare war against us?"

"No to take the peoples mind off the Sel Appa defeat."

"Couldn't we just of run some sort of propaganda campaign instead?"

"Hmm didn't think of that, maybe that would of worked. Oh well the letter's sent now. I'm sure everything will be fine."

JACK: Time for me to school Harbough in Oddsmakers.
BILL: Bah.
JACK: And here to read 'em off, we have Robert Antonio Flavio Jimbo Vincennes!
ROBERT: I love the way you switch the intros up, really adds something to the show. Let's start with this - odds that the Black Wings draw the home match with Hopeless.
JACK: I'm going to go low for now, twenty percent. They did what they had to do on the road, which was get a point. And zero-zero wasn't the most fashionable way to do it, but it's definitely better than what they pulled at the start of this thing. At home, I say they get a little boost and win.
BILL: It's hard to forecast something that far ahead, there's still a lot that can change. They played safe football against the superior team, and I like them to take more chances in the home tie, but until I get a clear picture of what this team can do, I'll play careful, fifty percent.
ROBERT: Okay then, odds of a second yellow for Tony Travers within the next three games.
JACK: You know, he's played a pretty clean tournament so far, and the foul he picked up in last night's draw seemed like it could have gone either way. It was a bit of a lunge, but I thought he got the ball. Given the position he plays, though, where he's in the middle of the action, I'm going to go high, eighty five percent.
BILL: Given the way he played in the Baptism of Fire, where he got his second yellow in his third game, I'm almost surprised he's taken this long to pick one up. French has gotten the team playing pretty clean football, but with Vephrall coming up soon, he's going to be in some physical battles. One hundred percent!
ROBERT: I like your guts, Harbough, but you know you need to be more creative than that if you want to win. Odds of a two goal win against Komekong on matchday four.
JACK: They did it before on neutral ground, and this time it'll be a home match. Komekong has picked up a win and sit one point behind the Wings in the group standings, but this team is still completely unknown. Given that Dancougar has already demonstrated the ability to beat these guys, I'll go high, ninety five percent.
BILL: Two goals? Jack, I think the Wings can do better this time around at home. Komekong has only played well against the unranked bunch, and like you said, we beat them two-nil on neutral ground. Yes, we've seen some crazy results already in this tournament, but I take the status quo plus one! A three goal win for the Wings, so that's ZERO percent.
ROBERT: The squadoosh from Bill Harbough, that's more like it. Next up, odds that Hideo Ikeda matches his seven goal effort in the Baptism of Fire.
JACK: He'll have twice as many games, so I'm very tempted to say he'll manage at least that. But right now he's only got one goal through three games, not too many good looks, and the offense as a whole hasn't looked dangerous except in spurts against Taeshan. I'll go thirty percent, it'll be uphill for him.
BILL: I'll go lower, ten percent. He's not inventive enough in general to create his own chances, he relies a lot on the midfield to spark the attack. He's more of a striker, a finisher, than an actual forward. And the problem is that the midfield players are getting tired too early, right now this team doesn't look capable of putting up too many goals against this competition. Ten percent.
ROBERT: Last one, odds of Peter Hawkins putting up at least three more clean sheets in qualifying.
JACK: Four matches total against Komekong and Kalmykstan are the best chances to pick those up, but since we don't know much about those teams, it's hard to tell if they'll have a breakout effort at some point in the near future. Taeshan and Hopeless are two teams that don't attack a lot, and one of those games will be at home, which is another opportunity. I'm going with fifty percent here.
BILL: I'll go lower, maybe fifteen percent. Those matches are good opportunities as you said, but Hawkins still looked jittery last night, and he came very close to gifting Hopeless a goal in the second half. He got rattled in that first game, and he's just slowly getting his confidence back, but no team can really afford to wait around for players to come around. They need to be ready to go, period, all the time.
JACK: Time to count the tally. Vincennes!
ROBERT: Well, let's see. We've got an all and a nothing from Harbough, and Jack, I harped on him for creativity, but look at you. Numbers all over the board, all in between, take a stand, man! The win goes to you, Bill.
JACK: And there you have it, Oddsmakers is one hundred percent over. When we come back, can anything be done to make National Stadium friendlier?
BILL: It's the way things work here! You can't just throw the doors open for anyone!
ANNOUNCER: Pardon the Interruption, brought to you by Sir Alec Lite. That's no moon, it's great taste, fewer calories!

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Your team finally managed to earn a point with a 0-0 draw, but this was a match they needed to win-especially at home.

Grades for Dancougar match:
Effort: F
Control: F
Offense: N/A, there's no offense to speak of
Defense: D+
Overall: F

Lesson Your Team Learned: You can't let down your guard against lower ranked opponents at home, or you'll give up much needed points.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: High

The Imaginatively Named Football Show

"...if you like lawn bowling, perhaps, but personally I don't. Let's move on now and Kelssek lost."

Rick Easter jumped in quickly, "Yes they did, in a-"

"I'll tell you why we lost, okay? Capitalism. One word. Capitalism."

"Uh huh."

"It's a conspiracy. When was the last time a communist country won? Make no mistake, powerful and wealthy people are controlling this game."

"Ariddia won in-"

"And you know what else?"

"What else?"

"Well, I just got a note from my bookie saying that he is going to take a potato peeler to my testicles if I don't pay up. And you know whose fault that is?"

"John?" Rick said, guessing.

"Yes?"

"Well, it's a funny thing, actually, because I didn't know I was supposed to have a co-host, and the set only has one chair so... Do you actually work here?"

"Mmmmmmmm... no. No, I don't."

"Please leave this building now."

"You can't do this. Bob the Bookie is waiting for me outside. I was running from his goons and I just stumbled into the studio and they started putting makeup on me and before I knew it your producer pushed me here. Please, I'm begging you."

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Bull Horns Rule: Where's The Beef?

GROUP Eight's sixts seeds Krytenia were looking to improve on results after two decent but pointless performances yesterday at the Isserson. Their opponents, the unusually named nation of Bull Horns Rule, were seeded seventh in the group but ranked sixty-five places below the Aces, meaning that Krytenia came into a match as favourites for the first time this season. They failed to disappoint either, coming out of the game as victors by a two-one scoreline.

After a boring first forty-five minutes, the Aces got the action going in the second period. Raphael Kennedy almost added his third in as many games, rifling in a shot that was parried by the BHR keeper; the rebound fell to sub Carl Lismond, who did score, slotting into the unguarded net. The second was added on seventy-four minutes, with Robbie Taylor firing home a swerving free-kick after Kennedy was hacked down - the foul earning a straight red card for the BHR defender, and a substitution for the Aces' striker.

BHR did manage a consolation, Tex Austin scoring two minutes from time after a mistake from Jonathan Svalberg, but this was the only blot on the copybook in an otherwise economical win. The Aces will need to keep the momentu going if they are to get anything from their next game though, as they go on the road again, this time to Bostopia.

Krytenia - 2
Lismond 53
Taylor 74

Bull Horns Rule - 1
Austin 88

Ratings: Ibanez 7, Gibernau 8, Worvell 7, Svalberg 6, Pojencic 8, Taylor 9, Asquith 8, McDonald 7, Obadele 7 (Sarson 6), Kennedy 10 (Andreyev 6), Lucas 5 (Lismond 8).

Despite getting abit on in years it seemed the Pairing of Caine and Peter was doing wonders for the team.

Peter who famously became Orthodox after an incident with a werewolf and his faith survived a stint as coach with Az-cz, and Caine, cousin of the retired ex-prime minister Peter Hawdon.

3 matches, 3 wins a perfect straight, granted the only real threat was Ad'ihan in a 2-1 match, but the team came through unscathed Everrett Kang leading the charge. Apparently his time in Straightdale FC (Valanora national league) did wonders for the forwards goal scoring abilities.

Caine's mobile rang...

"Hello?"

"Hi, Caine, It's Andrew Coulter."

"oh, hey Andrew, The teams doing great."

"Yeah, they are. I've got some news for you however..."

"Hmmm?"

"Yeah, um... James Gaines is going to be back home in the week."

"Oh, that means?"

"Yeah, sorry, The teams doing great but you knew the deal when accepting."

"yeah, it's not like I didn't know this day was coming."

"So prepare the team, tell 'em what's happpening. This could be the best thing that has ever happened to Bazalonian soccer..

"or the worst..."

"I suppose, but he was the President of the BFSA and WCC for a reason."

“Reports are coming in that the squad that will represent the Bostopia Tourist Board have been finalised. The BTB have refused to release the squad list at the moment however, saying that all the technicalities have not yet been worked out.

This station can only assume that office politics are preventing co-workers from wanting to play next to each other.”

---Lab Seven, The Institute of Medical Energies (T.I.M.E.), deep below Nunningterry, Bassingdale State, Bostopia---

The four men gathered in the room stared at the machine in front of them. Consisting of a large box of seven foot tall, three foot wide and three foot deep. There were two heavy doors, creating a airlock in between them. On the outside of the box was a keyboard, with a touch-screen display. On the display the titles “Name Searched For” and “Timeline” were each set above fields which looked like they could comprise a list of hundreds. At the top of the display were buttons reading “Search” “Retrieve” and “Return”.

“And you're sure it'll work on humans?”

“I don't see why not. If it brought back my dog,” the spectacled man said, while stroking (petting) his dog (stop giggling!), “then I'm 99% sure it'll bring back any human being we tell it to.”

A military figure stepped forward, complete with semi-automatic rifle.

“So what you're telling me is that there's a 1% chance this thing might not do it's job?”

The spectacled man adjusted his spectacles, before saying in a quiet voice.

“Yes. I suppose so.”

“Right then, good thing I've got this isn't it?” The military figure said, who was really looking for excuses to fire his weapon.

“And what about the people who are still alive? Serring and son for instance?”

“They, like the rest, will be brought back at the prime of their careers. Plus, we haven't seen any problems from them coming into contact with their current selves.”

“Right. Well. Let's get this thing started then.”

“Who first?” Asked the spectacled man.

“On the basis of most important... the right-back.”

The men stood around.

“You're sure about this?”

“We'll have to drag him in at some point, plus, based on his standing, it's only right and proper he's first.”

“You're right.”

The spectacled man typed a title and name into the search, then pressed the search button with his finger. Almost a hundred names came onto the list.

“Well, congratulations. Think of all the people who have had that name.”

“Sorry, sorry. I'll have to search by timeline. Ahah, this one has the right date of birth. Shall we go ahead with it?”

The other men nodded. The spectacled man looked around for a second, then pressed the “Retrieve” button. The machine made a series of noises that no-one in the room would ever have been able to describe, apart from the noises of a zipper being undone and then done up again before and after the strangest noises they'd ever heard.

The internal door opened, and the noise of someone stepping forward between the two doors was heard, with the metal door behind them slamming shut. Just before the door into the main laboratory was opened, the person inside called out.

“Where the bloody hell is my wife and child?”

“Well, um, Sire, they haven't been called back, Em-”

“Oh call them back already would you?”

“Yes, Sire, right away, Sire.”

After a few more tappings on the keypad and more of the strangest noises ever un-describable, the family unit was reassembled.

The spectacled man turned round to his colleagues.

“Well, we have our right back. I'm about to open the door into this laboratory now.”

“Wait! Stop!” The military man yelled. “I've got to go and get something.”

A few moments later, he ran back into the room with a brass band following him.

“None of them should step back into this country without fanfare.”

The spectacled man sighed, then pressed the button to open up the door, and a moment after, the band started up, playing “Song for the Bostopian Patriot” then the “Empirical Anthem.”

As the family walked forward out of the booth, the military man saluted.

“Welcome back to Bostopia, Emperor, Empress, Prince.”

“Thank you. Now, why the chuffing hell am I back?”

“We need you to play right-back in a football match, Sire.” The spectacled man said.

“Fair enough. Now, get me to my ruddy castle, pronto.”

While walking toward the car, while more people were being retrieved from history, the military man spoke up.

“Would it please you to know we're at war with communists, Sire?”

“Hah! What have we done so far?”

“Absolutely nothing. The Prime Minister's letting them wait for a while and letting them think we missed the bus.”

“A brilliant plan if I do say so myself. But let's turn up the heat a bit, shall we?”

“I was hoping your arrival would do that, Sire.”

“Like yeah, so was I!” the Empress said. “Don't really have much ...you know... drive when you're dead.”

The Emperor turned and winked at the military man.

Yes, the Emperor and Empress were back alright, and the international community had better be ready for it. Especially a bunch of Irish Communists.

Az-cz Scroll
Il-Lur

Third time's the charm?

The Gnomes are back to make a run at history. They're trying to be the first nation to ever lift the world cup three times in a row. Not even Rejistania or Bedistan have won three cups in a row, though the Bedistanis did come within a game of doing so. I'll give you the official Az-cz Scroll view of our chances as well as how I think things will play out throughout the qualifiers and the cup. In some personal news this will be my last cup making predictions for the World Cup. I've been doing for every cup since we've been competing. It's been 20 years since the first batch of predictions and 10 cups is a lot. So let's hope I can go out with good news for the team, some correct predictions, or both.

Group 9 - Gnomes sweet Gnomes

(1) Az-cz, (18) Northern Bettia, (27) Candelaria And Marquez, (42) Endmile, (59) Nire and Nire, (78) Jariss, (125) Gweridijongya,
(NR) Wavispa

Not a particularly troublesome group based on rankings or reputations but not a group that will be pleasing to Az-czzers. The top two teams in our group are one of our rivals, the dirty cheating Gogs, and one of our least favorite nations, the blatant speciesists of Canderlaria and Marquez. Endmile is a team that appears to be on the verge of larger success. None of the other teams matter. I don't see any of the top three failing to qualify, but I do think the Gnomes will be disappointing and not apply enough focus to qualifiers, which will allow C & M to top the group.

Group 3 - The prodigal sons

(10) Demot, (14) Jeruselem, (34) The Archregimancy, (50) Scotchpinestan, (53) The Pazhujeb Islands, (73) Magnus Valerius, (135) Blouman Empire, (NR) Evil Polish Donors

In case you're wondering, the prodigal sons are the Demotians looking to return to Elves Security Forces for this cup. And they'll do that easily. I think the Monks will make it back, despite thier persuasive arguments that god hates them and in a suprise I think The Pazhujeb Islands will take the third spot. Which means the State of Sluttiness misses out on the cup. Hey, got to make some bold calls in my last batch of predictions.

Group 7 - President's Last Boys Night Out

(3) Sel Appa, (21) Bazalonia, (31) Ad'ihan, (41) Sorthern Northland, (54) Minilla Island, (125) Beer Served Here, (156) Dinos Pizza, (NR) Carcim

First must comment on having a beer and pizza team in the same group. I'm encouraging reporters to call Minilla Island Vanilla Island for the rest of the cup. But other than their names none of those teams are relevant. The top three will peg where they are quite easily. With this being their last cup retaining the presidency of the WCC Bazalonia will want to put up a good performance as their footballing has never quite matched their involvement on the planning side.

Group 2 - They've seen Bettia Days

(13) Bettia, (17) Alasdair I Frosticus, (28) Vephrall, (48) Taeshan, (63) Hopeless SC, (93) Dancougar, (135) Komekong, (176) (NR) Kalmykstan

Bettia has slipped a bit these past three cups as their last championship has now faded from the rankings and now are actually at the bottom end of the top seeds. Thankfully they got a draw where the only realistic threat to the top three is Dancougar, the BoF champions, and Bettia will be able to deal with that. Hopeless SC might have a shot if they had more confidence, and Taeshan actually is hopeless. Nothing to see here other than that.

Group 1 - Quaking Warriors

(9) Milchama, (16) Quakmybush, (32) Kura-Pelland, (43) St Samuel, (69) Prux, (88) Rugiero, (156) Fujisawan Territories, (NR) Violitism

Two of our favorite nations can be found here in Milchama and Quakmybush. Unfortunately I've got bad news for our friends the sharks, as I think St. Samuel will finally come through on their great promise and qualify at their expense. Milchama will top the group and Kura-Pelland will advance but Quakmybush will join Jeruselem in the Cup of Harmony.

Group 4 - History Comes Alive

(5) Squornshelous, (15) Wentland, (24) Novapsolu, (49) Jeru FC, (60) Rejistania, (105) Yafalonia and Bazor 2, (135) Naboombu Umbongo, Algal states

Squornshelous is both the past and the present. They made a finals in WC15 won world cup 31 and were in the finals of last cup, so they've got a lot of history in their favor. Of course Rejistania has more and with their return to the cup once again becomes the active leader in terms of championships. Algal States returns, but since they've always been irrelevant, that's how they'll stay. Novapsolu is a former host and Wentland a former semifinalist, so they've also got reserves to draw from. And those reserves will help them compete with Squornshelous. Even Yafalonia and Bazor 2 might have some history to draw from stealing from those other nations. However I won't stick my head out for any of the teams outside of the top 3.

Group 8 - Group of Death

(6) Ariddia, (20) Bostopia, (30) Ulzaxid, (40) Daehanjeiguk, (64) Green wombat, (70) Krytenia, (135) Bull_horns_rule, (176) Cadarnia

To me this is the hardest group in the competition. When I choose a group of death I don't look at the top, but the middle. And I think having Daehanjeiguk, Green Wombat and Krytenia four through six means some good teams will get left behind. I think the Rouge-Et-Noirs will win the group easily enough and Bostopia will qualify with some room to spare but the next four teams will all be in a close battle for those last two spots. I think though that Daehanjeiguk will surpass the three teams who've played in the proper before to earn the third spot.

Group 6 - Group of Stress


(8) Zwangzug , (22) Qazox, (36) Lovisa, (38) Estresse Intenso, (57) Starblaydia, (101) Samcoa, (164) Wing Wang Woo, (NR) Minilla Island West

If the previous group is the toughest I think this might be the second toughest as I could see any of the teams two through five qualifying along with Zwangzug. Qazox would seem to be the strongest candidate for second, but they've yet to really make the leap into the top class. I prefer Estresse Intenso to either of them, but actually think it will be the purple peril who join Qazox and Zwangzug in making the trip to the proper.

Group 5 - Commerce Heights Connected Hordes

(12) Cafundeu , (23) Jasiyun, (26) Yafor 2, (46) Casari, (67) Solenial, (114) Acapais, (156) Loutra oreas Elenis, (NR) The Supermarket

Cafundeu co-hosted with Commerce Heights a few cups ago and Jasiyun has some sort of difficult to understand connection to Commerce Heights. And Casari and Commerce Heights sure seem to have something in common, if we can't prove exactly what. As those three will be the nations to qualify that's the way I named the group.


Group 10 - Saving the worst for last

(7) Tynelia , (19) Oliverry, (37) Dance 2 Revolution, (51) The Islands of Qutar, (58) Kelssek, (101) Bonto, (151) Ashlaea, (NR) McPsychoville

And so we come to group 10, the group that impresses me the least. Tynelia has fulfilled their longstanding potential and Oliverry still has some of life in them, but the rest of the group is underwhelming to say the least. I think Qutar will win the group with a bit of a resurgence, cause I'm just not convinced Dance 2 Revolution has two good cups in them and that Kelssek will ever progress beyond a midlevel team.

That leaves these teams making the proper: Commerce Heights, Elves Security Forces, Az-cz, Northern Bettia, Candelaria and Marquez, Demot, The Archregimancy, The Pazhujeb Islands, Sel Appa, Bazalonia, Adi'han, Bettia, Alasdair I Frosticus, Vephrall, Milchama, Kura-Pelland, St. Samuel, Squornshelous, Wentland, Novapsolu, Ariddia, Bostopia, Daehanjeiguk, Zwangzug, Qazox, Starblaydia, Cafundeu, Jasiyun, Casari, Tynelia, Oliverry, The Islands of Qutar.

From those I think these 16 will advance: Commerce Heights, Elves Security Forces, Az-cz, Candelaria and Marquez, Demot, Sel Appa, Bazalonia, Alasdair I Frosticus, Milchama, Squornshelous, Wentland, Ariddia, Bostopia, Zwangzug, Cafundeu, Tynelia.

The biggest name to fail to move on will be Bettia but most of the top teams should hold form.

The quarterfinalists will be: Commerce Heights, Elves Security Forces, Az-cz, Demot, Sel Appa, Bazalonia, Squornshelous, and Tynelia.

The two hosts and us will move on, with a number of the recent runners up involved as well. Bazalonia is the big suprise of the round and Ariddia will be the team most disappointed to go out.

The semis will be: Commerce Heights, Elves Security Forces, Demot, Sel Appa

Amazingly there will be two WC30 teams and a WC29 team and the Gnomes nowhere to be found. As much as I'd like to pick us to win again, simple statistics say it's unlikely. I'm hedging my bets and taking the field by picking us to lose. I think the hosts are more than good enough to benefit from home field advantage and that Demot and Sel Appa have to much enthusiasm to go down here. I think that Elves Security Forces and Demot will meet in the final with Commerce Heights failing to make it to the finals on their homefield and both of the Elvish teams jumping past the match their. In the end I think that the Elves will go one up on their former colony and earn a title in their first go round as hosts.

"So, whaddaya think?"

"That I'm not going to be hailing the Lord-Protector anytime soon?"

"Starblaydia! I'm psyched! You ready?"

"...I've got the easy job."

Mildly disappointed without really knowing why, Eddie paced around the bench. "Sav sum nrg 4 the gam," Phillip teased.

He did, standing around patiently until Hailee walked proudly off the field. As he attempted to sprint out, Peter held him back. "Wait up, there's something going on..."

The Starblaydis assembled for the performance of the Raiigar. Gaping, the Zwangzug team watched: many of the had seen the Ulek, but this carried something more like ferocity. Ariddia were intimidating enough on any given day. Starblaydia, working its way back from glory, had something to prove.

"Who's that?" Andrew asked, pointing to a fellow right-back. "Or what?"

"That," replied Natalie after consulting the roster, "is a dwarf."

"Ah. Okay."

And then, finally, the game was on. Zwangzug took the first lead, with Gary converting a light header from Steven, but Starblaydia had equalized before the half was out. Roque Bravo denied Peter a shot and quickly turned the ball around, passing it forward to Kwame Jabir. He sent it over to Kalia Canildo, who easily found the back of the net.

Halftime featured an impromptu "Star-blade-yer" rendition from the famed fans that accompanied the visitors. Hailee noted that they were out of tune.

Simon Ryne took the lead back in the second half, with Brendan successfully relaying a pass from Eddie. It went in the books as three more points, another day of qualification.

But Eddie didn't really care about the books.

I'd like to say the knights lost against komekon today because that would mean good karma for the knights team, but we beat the crap out of them 3-0. The knights even scored in the first minute by way of the home crowd in Docktown memorial. The crowd booed the komekong team so much during opening ceromonies for the game even when the taeshani and komekong national anthems were being sung. The away kome's were so bedazzled by the boing that Zeke was able to steal the ball from there striker and score in less then 49 seconds. Then just ten minutes later Hele scored on a fantastic head shot. For a while the knights didn't score, but since the knights were leading at the half and the komekong team was sleeping on there feet, coach Jack rios took out stars hele, zeke, and froalie, put in for the knight players were middies BGrian ying uing, and a.f. faLCON. aLSO STRIKER John kitna was put in. Well the game kept scoreless until the last 5 minutes. A.F falcon headed the ball right into the komekong goalies hands, but it seems he lost the grip and let the ball trickle past him were a komekong defender tried to save it , but he ended up kicking the ball into the net.

In other news the ashlaean team is 2-0-1 in there first cup ever. I know isn't it a miracle. They seemed so bad during the oxen cup and bof and our now making strides to qualifyin in there first ever world cup.

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

First Goal, First Loss

The Spiders back to back shutout streak ended today against Endmile when the home squad managed to get one past Tali Vindu at the 40 minute mark of the first half. As it turned out that was the difference maker in Endmile’s 1-0 win over the Spiders which dropped our team out of a qualifying spot after three matches. Eeven Coach Banama’s radical new idea to send Joa Giranu to the forward’s spot in the middle of the second half was not enough to wake up the offense.

However there is good news and bad news for the team now. The good news is that they’ll be returning home where the Spiders are still unbeaten with a win and a draw so far. The bad news is that they will be playing the second seeded 18th in the world Northern Bettia in an insect themed battle between Spiders and Fire Ants. The worse news however is that Northern Bettia is coming off a 6-1 demolition of Wavispa so this will be the toughest test yet for Vindu and the Spiders defense.

In other related news, today’s 27,400 sindus pledged puts the total at just under 100,000 at 98,236 sindus after our first three matches for the Jarissian Relief Association’s fund raising drive. A home match against the number two seed in the group is expected to set a record for fund raising as it will be shown at a more viewer friendly time slot that our first three.

“…Let us rejoice my brothers, that the Lord of Scores has not turned away from us in our time of need.” Brother James addressed the group. “Let us praise His name that His light still shows us the way to Him despite the acts of those who are blind to His goodness and light. May His blessings continue to fall upon our team and that He not turn away because of the acts of the faithless. Amen.”

“Amen.” Replied the assembled monks as the mass came to an end.

“Do you think this is a lasting sign? Thrice He blessed us to our foes zero. Shall He continue despite all those unbelievers in Tynelia?” Brother Jacob asked in a concerned way. Privately Brother James was uncertain of the steadiness of Brother’s Jacob’s faith as he was both a new recruit and a natural pessimist. However faith was faith and had to be reassured.

“Worry not Brother Jacob. The Lord of Scores works in His own way. It is not for us to question His will. Is it not true that He turned away from a strong team to ensure our triumph? He at times will test our faith to be sure that we are strong in our belief. The last matches with but a single blessing were no doubt a warning of what may pass if we become weak in our belief in Him. He is patient just as the forward waits until the striker has a clear shot at the net before he makes the final pass. So too does the Lord of Scores wait until His truth is accepted by all.” Brother James answered.

“But why test us? Are we not His chosen ones?” Brother Jacob asked.

“It is not only we who are being tested Brother Jacob. It is all those who do not believe that are also tested. Sometimes they must see His power in action before the truth is accepted. Deeds speak louder than words. We may speak of His glory but it may take a string of three shutouts before an outsider may see that without His blessings we are nothing and so shall the light first shine upon them as they take their first steps along our path.” Brother James assured him.

“But what next? How long can His acts continue to be ignored?” Brother Jacob wondered aloud.

“Never underestimate the ability for a person to deceive themselves. Many do not wish to be shown that all they have believed is wrong so they will deny truth no matter how obvious it is to others. On the other hand there are those who follow a righteous path though they know it not. I speak of course of those people who go on pilgrimages with the team, like this next one to Kelssek, to support them on the road and indirectly seek our Lord’s blessings upon our team in the process. Their instincts are good and in time they shall be enlightened. Patience my brother, our time is coming.” Brother James answered calmly.

“You’re right Brother James, forgive my doubts.” Brother Jacob apologized.

“There is nothing to forgive. The Lord of Scores does not want blind obedience and questions are asked for no better reason to be answered. Better to ask and seek understanding than let it fester silently within you.” Brother James assured him.

“Yes of course, Brother James. Thank you for your guidance.” Brother Jacob said as he turned and walked away as Brother James wondered silently just when Brother Jacob’s next question of faith would arise.

Amda-Mo: And another fine performance from the guys allows us to defend our home turf against the hated team from Candelaria and Marquez 6-3.

Lur-Mn: Kor-Lash absolutely schooled the Candelaria and Marquez defense. He had every weakness scouted and the team executed it to perfection.

Amda-Mo: Were you suprised by the balanced attack we saw that game. Six different scorers is not a common occurence, and for us even more so. More often than not we've seen one player really lead the way in our big scoring games.

Lur-Mn: Not at all. We've got a lot of talent on this squad so it's not suprising to see any of their names making the score sheet. Furthermore the team knew that one of the best ways to beat the C & M defense was to attack from different angles, so that's how we did it.

Amda-Mo: Let's look at the other side of the pitch. We gave up three goals against today after allowing two to Northern Bettia and even one to Gweridijongya. How concerned should we be?

Lur-Mn: Of course it's a worry. We'd like to get some shutouts as we all know there will be games when the goals just aren't coming. But we are 3-0 having already played our two toughest opponents, so I'm not overly worried about it. I trust the team will get better. And remember, we're still adjusting to the loss of Haji-Me.

Amda-Mo: Overall how encouraged should we be by the play so far.

Lur-Mn: While some have suggested that we might sleepwalk through qualifying the fact of the matter is we don't have to much to learn from these matches. We should beat teams like Northern Bettia and Candelaria and Marquez at home. We've played well, but haven't done anything that wouldn't be expected of us.

Amda-Mo: So you're saying not much.

Lur-Mn: The two time defending world champs shouldn't be much concerned about qualification. It would be a really bad sign if we were.

Amda-Mo: Thoughts from the rest of the third day of qualification?

Lur-Mn: Not especially. Pretty much the matches went as expected. When the biggest upset victim is St. Samuel, a team who's never qualified for the cup then you know that it's not a day where many waves were made.

Amda-Mo: Alright then, let's get to the rankings of the top six then shall we.

Lur-Mn:

6. Kura-Pelland

They're tied for the second best goal differential in the cup right now trailing only Cafundeu. And while admittedly they haven't played much of anybody yet, it's always a good sign when you're taking care of business easily.

5. Bettia

They haven't been playing their most impressively as of late, but they did look good in their 3-1 victory over Vephrall. With a lot of the top teams not having played each other yet, that carries some weight and sees the Aroras into the top 5.

4. Ariddia

Another one of the dominant teams is playing well again. The Green Wombat win was a bit closer than they'd have liked but it was an away win against a solid side, so that counts for something. Still they're undefeated and have a couple of good wins under their belts.

3. Cafundeu

They've been obliterating people so far. They put a real beating on a pretty good Casari side. Admittedly that's the biggest name under their belt so far, but they've looked awesome in their wins. If they can beat their better opponents later on they could well move up this list.

2. Squornshelous

In all honesty they've probably been the best team so far. They smoked Rejistania, beat a decent Jeru FC side 4-1 and won by 2 goals at Novapsolu. That's a fine set of accomplishments for three match days. Their goal differential is outstanding and they're definitely looking like they might be able to make it back to the top.

1. Az-cz

It's hard to say that we haven't been playing well coming off a three goal win over one of the top teams in the group and having won on the road at another of the top teams in the group. But I think Squornshelous has been better so far. But I put us on top as a sort of lifetime achievement award. I think the two time defending champs deserve to be on top at least until someone beats us in an official game. Which hopefully will mean that we'll be on top for a while.

Amda-Mo: I think it's hard to argue with that. Early returns make it look as if this cup will not be kind to up and comers.

Lur-Mn: Indeed with the teams who have combined to win the past 8 championships and play in 3 more finals taking up four of the top five spots and with very few suprises so far and two strong hosts it looks like there might not be much breaking through of new teams this cup.

Amda-Mo: Let's hope so as that would work to our benefit. We'll see if we can stay strong next match against Wavispa.

LINES WRITTEN IN DEJECTION
By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

WHEN have I last looked on
This green sports field and the long wavering bodies
Of the white-clad squad of the Vephrese?
All our wild play is tonight quite shoddy,
The home side have outclassed us and our tears,
our angry tears, have no meaning.

The Holy Empire that thrashed Dancouger has vanished;
I see nothing but an embittered squad;
Banished by red card is Phocaso and vanished,
And now that I have heard the final whistle
I must endure the 4-1 loss.

Minor things that happened at more or less the same time as the Az-cz v C&M game on a similar general theme

Lyndon Hernández, blahdiblahdiblahdiblah, muttered something under his breath.

“Uhm… No, sir. Fk-Uv damaged his cruciate ligaments some weeks ago. Although I don’t think he was ever realistically in the frame for selection, to be honest.”

“Dan, are you going to do that every time I say anything with just two syllables?”

“Only while we’re in Az-cz, sir.”

“Oh, wonderful. Something to look forward to, then. Now, I distinctly remember a moment ago angrily exclaiming ‘They have an elf?!?!’, to which you have yet to supply a reply.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Their roster came in late and we were off on that jolly in Valanora and I rather didn’t notice…”

“What do I pay you for, Dan?”

“You don’t. Technically, my people would do something rather unpleasant to your spleen if the Ministry refused to have a bona fide elf on board.”

“I always thought that was a rather empty threat, Dan. Sounds a bit unnecessary, for an elf. What with being kind and beautiful an’ all.”

“Capricious, sir.”

“Ah, yes. I always forget the capriocity. Why do they have an elf? That isn’t fair, surely?”

“I’m afraid he was born and bred in Ben-Degly.”

“Oh, screw off; this isn’t right… I can cope with – with –”

“Endemic non-neurological congenital hypothyroidism.”

“Yes. But now saying that they’ve got a bloody albino maasi as well…”

“They do have a not insignificant Kenyan population, to be fair.”

“Really? That might be useful…”

The Minister growled softy and swatted vaguely at a surprised pipistrelle that had been attempting to nest in his hair.

“And the bats are bad enough… I still don’t think our explanations for why we’re playing in somewhere called ‘The Cemetery’ are going to fly…”

“At any rate, if you want me to sir I can contact the boys back home and get them to squash Vitakiralski down to more sensible proportions. Or we can just get the game taken off the telly. That was always the last resort.”

“I don’t suppose we could turn them into zombies, could we?”

“I – No, sir… I don’t think they’d be keen on that…”

“Only, I was chatting to that nice Mr. Vendredi from the Northern Bettian party in Arrigo, and he reckons–”

“Really, sir, no. Besides, I don’t think the people back home would appreciate zombies any more than–”

“Than naked gnomes and bloody elves?”

“Mm. This wouldn’t be a smashing time to bring up the issue of the dwarf, would it?”

***

Tetsuya Kitamura poked nervously at his sukiyaki and tried manfully not to wonder what poor creature had been sacrificed in its creation. On occasions like this it tended to be eel, or octopus, and there had been at least one incidence, a few years ago, of the involvement of a cephalopod that had been officially extinct in Rushmori waters for a good half-century.

“Itadokimasu…” he offered sullenly, and motioned a chopstick towards a pulsating lump that was eventually revealed to be the bastard lovechild of a spring onion.

Complaining that Az-cz was as vegetarian as you could get got you nowhere, Tet had found. His mother had very clear views about celebrating the culture of the Kitamuras’ motherland, viz. that it didn’t have one so they had to settle for that of their distant ancestors instead. And so, on Az-czid festivals, or on the final day of any of the Kleptochase majors – assuming that they could pick up the hooky satellite pictures – and so forth; the family put away the pizza and curry and broke out the steamboats and the tsukemonoki and the iki jime for those particularly stubborn fish brains.

It didn’t matter that it had been more than half a century ago when the ten-or-so of them had left Az-cz to start a new life in the Candelarias. Didn’t matter that they’d been welcomed with open arms by a country eager to receive any English-fluent Yellows while the rest of the global Anglosphere wrestled with the aftermath of the Second World War. Didn’t matter that Isoyomo, Kitamura & Gn-Pg Ltd. had rapidly established itself as one of the foremost shipping firms in Clotaire. On a day like today, so Tet’s mother said, every true Az-czzer had to remember where they came from.

Tet personally didn’t consider himself anything other than Candelariasian, but he was thankful his parents hadn’t shoved their origins down his throat. They’d even gone easy on the whole nudity thing, and that was a blessing. His schoolmates didn’t mind was colour he was, or what language he spoke at home, and anyone who could knock up a passable sex organ with two sheets of A4 in three minutes flat was fine by them. But having old folks who walked around in the altogether… That sort of thing could get you Noticed.

It was bad enough as it was, since everyone in the neighbourhood knew that the Kitamuras were visited by men from the Home Office every now and again, for increasingly impolite chats about their family holidays to Atlantian Oceania. They made an effort to bring back souvenirs with an obviously Kura-Pellandi, or maybe Vephrese or Bostopian or Sorthern Northandish, flavour; but that just seemed to make people even more suspicious. Particularly of some of the company the family kept.

And so it was that all of Tet’s family, and an endless supply of cousins, were kneeling in front of the television that evening, wearing the half-C&M half-Az-cz scarves Baba Isoyomo had knitted especially for the occasion.

“Shush! He’s saying something!” a random cousin shouted over the babble.

The Kitamuras’ front room went dead as they listened intently to the authoritative voice on the television talking over the disabled basketball players.

“Well, I’m sorry we can’t bring you the scheduled international football match due to conflicts with this station’s guidelines on pre-watershed decency, however you can switch to TV1-SportRadio now for all the build-up and acti–”

“Oh, come on!”

“They can’t do that!”

“Bugger that for a game of soldiers!” Tet’s seven-year-old cousin Shizuko shouted before being clipped round the ear by her mother.

“The lengths they go to…” Tet’s father muttered.

And in the corner of the room, old Gn-Pg smiled and shook his head and sipped his green tea.

***

The dressing room door was flung open, and the C&M forwards bounded in; disappointed at defeat but pleased with their own efforts. Three goals away from home, never mind at the back-to-back world champions wasn’t to be sniffed at.

The more defensive players staggered in shortly afterwards, Benji Fu almost collapsing into the showers.

“Bloody hell…” he rasped.

They’d conceded six goals, and that had been far from unfair. Fu had never seen so much of the ball. Tom Redway helped the captain to his feet.

“You all right, Benj?”

“Yeah… *Phew*… What about you? You okay? I know you were disappointed that Mars got the nod instead of you…”

“Yeah. It would’ve been nice to get a start, but… Rather you than me letting in six goals! Besides – one of the girls sitting behind our bench gave me her phone number.”

Fu peered at it. “Ma-Gl…” he read to snorts from several other players.

“You’ll want to watch yourself there, Tommy lad,” Ben Head laughed.

“Yeah. What was the headline last time this happened? ‘Gorgeous Paola: My night with four foot six love god’?” William Burgos giggled.

“‘Cafundéu-born glamour model romped with Az-czzer on big game night’”

Fu glared at them before frowning. “Was that Paola Andrade dos Santos Moura?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. I’ve had her.”

“Me too,” Matteo Corradini admitted sheepishly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think so. Was she the one who…” He made a complicated gesture with a finger.

The captain grinned with recognition. “Yeah.”

“Well this girl’s lovely anyway,” a wistful Redway muttered. “It’s amazing, though, isn’t it? There’re all these short people here, and that tall striker and the little one with the beard… It’s just amazing how many forms humanity comes in, I think.”

The other players exchanged nervous glances.

“Um, Tom…” Fu ventured eventually. “Has Mr. Hernández has the talk with you since you joined up with the squad?”

“No…”

“Right then…” Fu put an arm on the newcomer’s shoulder. “You better sit down for this, lad…”

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: In Orthodox Brotherhood - The Archregimancy, Magnus Valerius & The Pazhujeb Islands

Fellow nations: we rejoice at the joyful gathering of Orthodox footballers that took place at Borisoglebsky Stadium last night as the Orthodox football teams from the Archregimancy and Magnus Valerius who were taking the field were joined in the stands by our newly Orthodox guests from the Pazhujeb Islands, who were themselves briefly resting from their weary toil of worrying about their troubled homeland. Rarely in the history of the World Cup can there have been such a gathering of Orthodox sportsmen, and as the match was played in a spirit of prayerful respect for the fullness of Orthodoxy, offered forward as a living icon of prayer, it gives me little pleasure to note that there was a winner, even if the 5-2 victory was our own.

Following the match, the three Orthodox squads gathered at the Grand Lavra to celebrate the Divine Liturgy in honour of The Meeting of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Temple.

Now, it has come to the attention of both the Holy Synod and the Monastic Football Association that the new authorities in the Pazhujeb Islands have been making certain statements regarding the conversion of their squad to the Orthodox Church and the treatment of their own citizens back in the Islands in the wake of the coup.

It is the firm position of both the MFA and the Holy Synod that the decision of the Pazhujeb Islands national squad to convert to Orthodoxy and play all of their 'Home' games in the Archregimancy is a matter of personal conscience, and not something which we have either interfered in or encouraged. Our earlier press releases on this matter made it clear that we were only offering the squad temporary sanctuary until such time that they could find a neutral venue to play in; their glorious conversion to the One True Church suprised us as much as anyone. We have always made it clear that the squad are free to return to the Ordinary Reality nation of their choice at a time of their choosing, but equally, they are now free to remain here as long as they deem necessary.

The recent announcement by the Pazhujebi authorities that all citizens of the Islands are to face mandatory 50 year conscription only reinforces our belief that we were right to offer the squad sanctuary instead of forcing them to return to such a cruel and un-Godly regime.

As to the implicit threats from the Pazhujebi authorities - and indeed the authorities of Sorthern Northland - that some sort of forceful action would either be attempted or encouraged, we only note that it is impossible to access, never mind attack, the Dreamed Realm without both our permission and our support. For further evidence, you need only ask the Northern Bettians about Fluffy Bunny World.


Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

The recent weeks in Sorthern Northland had been pretty eventful, the President and national hero Ben O'Bagels resigned at the World Cup draw in order to work with Cinna the Poet, someone predicted that we might qualify for the World Cup, statues of this Cinna the Poet had sprung up all over the place, and there was even one day where there was so little news that someone's goldfish dying made the front pages. Oh and Bostopia declared war on us, it was with that in mind that Jimmy Sheridan had been sworn in as the second President of the Eastern Westlands of Sorthern Northland a couple of hours ago having emerged victorious from the presidential elections. He knew he'd need to work on the Bostopia situation soon but he'd thought his first night as President would be spent answering journalists questions. That was until Peter Parks, his aide approached him though.

"Mr President, there's someone waiting to see you in your office."

"Well can it not wait Peter? I'm rather busy here."

"No, he said it was an urgent matter."

"Who the hell decides to tell me when something is urgent?"

"Graeme McCormick."

The president suddenly turned away from the reporter and whispered, "The head of the secret service?"

"Yes."

The president then quickly turned back to the reporter, apologising before leaving the room quickly.

A few minutes later he'd made his way into his new office at the Houses of Parliament and sat behind his Presidential desk for the first time. McCormick was already the other side of the desk."

"Good evening McCormick, now what's this urgent matter?"

"Well before we get down to business may I offer my congratulations on becoming President."

"Thank you."

"Now then, as your aware, we are officially at war with Bostopia. We have no desire to be, and we will not strike unless we are attacked but you know what those Bostopians are like."

"Indeed."

"Well, I thought they were just going to declare us a hostile nation, or something like that and threaten to attack without actually attacking, but now I'm sure they will attack."

"Why the change in theory?"

"Well, your sat down, that's good. I have a number of spies over in Bostopia and they claim to have found some extraordinary information."

"Yes?"

"It seems the Bostopians have some form of technology that can bring back the dead."

"And who is it they wish to bring back?"

"Not wish to. Have brought back."

"Well who is he then?"

"No other than Emperor Boston, I believe."

"Emperor Boston? Oh shit."

"You realise what this means?"

"Well I know he'll be pissed off when he finds out those FA idiots were going to call the White Cliff, the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium and I'm sure he'll have no hesitation in striking against a socialist country."

"Quite, and worst of all, I believe Bostopia is a nation with nuclear capabilities, something that Emperor Boston won't hesitate to use to his advantage I'm sure."

"Well, we have no chance on our own, what about regional defence pacts that kind of thing?"

"Well one of the Dear Leader and Comrade, Ben O'Bagels' final acts as President, aside from building statues of Cinna the Poet was thankfully to apply for membership of AORDO."

"AORDO?"

"Atlantian Oceania Regional Defence Organisation."

"Right and will they help us?"

"That, I am unsure of unfortunately."

"Ok well we need the nation to be on alert, current threat level is?"

"Critical."

"Does it go any higher?"

"Exceptional is the only one higher I believe."

"Okay, keep in contact with your agents and keep up the fine work."

Sheridan then picks up his phone and make a number of phone calls advising the military and the countries media organisations of the change in threat level.

World Cup Qualifying – MD3

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/loutra_oreas_elenis.png Loutra oreas Elenis : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
0:2 (0:0)


Match Report:

Loutra oreas Elenis – The third match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against Loutra oreas Elenis last night and ended in a 2-0 victory for the home side.

Loutra oreas Elenis held off the Acapais attacks very well in the first half. Although Acapais out-shot Loutra oreas Elenis 17-3 in the first half the score was level at 0-0 as the team entered the locker room. Castro, Osman, and Paroe were linking up well in the first half creating many chances.

Castro broke the deadlock early in the second half with a one-time rocket into the bottom corner of the net. Not but five minutes later defender Rummy made a spectacular solo run to beat four Loutra oreas Elenis international players. After a one-two with Osman, Kyle Rummy was able to slide it past the keeper. The span of five minutes sums up the scoring summery of the game for not much happened for the conclusion of the match.

The win leaves Acapais in forth place in their group. Acapais is two points away from a qualification spot.

Scoring:
Acapais – Castro (Pablo) 47
Acapais – Rummy (Osman) 52

Booking:


Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton
2 - Bradly Sample
3 - Derek Sample
4 - Nick Daniels (Rex Agitril 72)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 - Pablo
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar
9 - Henry Paroe (Matthew Amad 61)
11 - Al Vick Osman
10 - Jose Castro (Dave Lugini 84)

Next Match:

@ Solenial http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/solenial.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

Three games in, and Casari's results could only be termed as "spastic." A 1-1 tie, a 4-1 win, and a 5-0 loss combined to give most of the country a single thought.

What the hell is up with this team?

Some, of course, do the simple thing and blame the talent. More or less the easiest thing to do, you can just say that this player or that player isn't pulling their weight and letting the rest of the team and the country down.

Something that's surprisingly popular to blame nowadays is the kits. JMC, while historically being a good kitmaker, is under suspicious by some fans as being capable of doing a complete hackjob on Casari's kits out of some kind of bizzare spite or something like that. While sounding a bit fishy, it's not above suspicion among a fanbase that is notoriously suspicious.

Others blame the Football Gods, but they had little faith to begin with.

Some blame the field. Tyrellian Ylompic Stadium was rather beautiful, resembling a giant muffin, complete with soaring metal girders covering the sky and the slim hanging-scoreboard from the center of the structure. The Circus-tent appearance of World Stadium is having problems competing, despite the pretty colors that likes can make the poly roofing appear to reflect the team or match being played inside.

Some might say that, well, it's just not meant to be. But they're traitors.

The rest say that three of the matches left in the first half of qualifying are against teams ranked far below us, and that we should just wait for it all to work out- probably the sanest idea of all.

But, it's not exactly like a soccer fan to be sane now, is it?

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Sunday Edition

Nobomitsu Sataka scored in the 26th minute of the opening World Cup qualifying match. The Fujisawan Territories haven’t scored since. The Territories have done everything but win, drawing the first match with Rugiero 1-1, losing in Olympic Park Stadium 1-0 to Milchama, and losing yesterday’s match against Kura-Pelland 5-0.

“While a little disappointing, it’s all to be expected. It’s our first real foray into the international sporting community and we’re going up against some real experienced and talented teams,” Stephen Distefano, head coach for the Fujisawan Territories said yesterday following the Kura-Pelland match. “We’re here for the experience. Hopefully we can improve with time.”

Despite the fanfare surrounding the home game against Milchama, billed as the biggest game to date ever played in Olympic Park Stadium, it was rather a dull experience for the half capacity crowd. After the 5-0 loss to Kura-Pelland, many Fujisawans have given up hope for even a win.

Friday’s game against Milchama was the first time Olympic Park Stadium has been used since martial law was lifted in the Territories. It also marks the first time a sporting event has been aired on television since martial law has been lifted. Martial law was declared in late December following the fourth unsuccessful assassination attempt against Prime Minister Sanami Ienari in as many months by opposition militants, and television stations and internet service providers were forced to shut down as part of a total lockdown of infrastructure.

As more and more television stations return to the air, it is assured that all Fujisawan Territories qualifying matches will be televised. Hopefully as the people of the Territories braved through martial law and the state of emergency, the Shaojin Warriors can brave through the rest of their qualifying matches.

The Territories host Violitism next at Sanjuro Mashita Stadium.

The Hardy Boys

The Mystery of the Jorne Identity
#78199371336

Chapter One: Chet's New iPhone

"Hey fellows," cried Chet Morton as he waddled up the Hardys' long driveway, "you're not going to believe this!"

"What is it, Chet? Did you finally hit 300 pounds?" quipped blond Joe Hardy, who was sitting on the front porch of his Bayport home in a rocking chair.

Laughing, the older Hardy boy chimed in. "Oh, give him a break, Joe. He was having a really hard time sticking to that mozzarella stick diet, it was just too tough."

Chet glared at dark-haired Frank. "Very funny, wise guy. You can make fun of me for being fat, but some day my sumo wrestling career will pay off."

"If you don't make the Guinness Book of World Records for world's fattest man first," responded Joe.

"You know what? I didn't come here to be discriminated against. You guys are worse than the Ku Klux Klan. I know because the whole side of my mother's family are Klansmen. They always bring the worst cinnamon rolls, that's why I hate them."

"Yeah, not like good old Aunt Gertrude's cinnamon rolls, eh, Chet?"

"Um yum! Got that right, Frank! Say, what are you chums up to right now?"

Frank put down the pruning shears he had been using on the front hedge. "Oh, I was just doing some chores for mother. Joe is being lazy and is reading."

"I told you, Frank: if there's anything I've learned from all our journeys around the globe, it's that household chores are only for women."

Frank smiled and agreed. "Indeed. Women in the workplace are sillier than peaceful democratic governments in Africa. I just like having something to do between mysteries."

"Anyway, fellows, I figured I would show you might new gadget Iola got me for my birthday. It's a new iPhone! Have you heard of it?"

"Gee whiz, Chet," said Joe, standing up from his chair and walking over to inspect the device, "this is way more high tech than anything Frank and I have ever used. The most advanced gadget we've got is a short-wave radio."

"I know, right? You fellows are going to need my help on your next adventure."

"We probably will, Chet," mused Frank, setting down the shears and taking off his gloves and apron. "What can you do with it?"

"Anything! I can go on the internets!"

"The internets?!" cried Frank and Joe.

"The internets. And I can do it anywhere, too! Come on, I'll show you!"

They all hopped into Chet's jalopy and Chet drove them a mile or so towards Bayport's main shopping center. They hopped out of his yellow, broken down machine and Chet led them into the middle of the cafeteria in the mall. A General Jin Wei's Chicken was on one side, and a Bentley's English Tea and Crumpets Shoppe was on the other. Chet led them to the center of the busy cafeteria.

"You would think that in a busy place like this, there'd be no way to get an internet signal, right fellows?" asked Chet. "But you would think wrong," he said as he switched on the device.

Suddenly, a man in a black jacket walked hastily past, snatching the iPhone out of Chet's hand. Frank and Joe immediately tried to catch a glimpse of the man's face as he began to sprint away. When they couldn't see his face, they went after him!

The man sprinted down a busy hallway. As the Hardys tried to catch up with him, though it was difficult because of the crowd, they noticed that he was using the phone already. The man in black quickly ducked into a Dictoria's Secret. Seeing a chance to trap him, they raced into the store behind him. However, the moment they entered the store, however, they realized that they has lost the thief.

The boys couldn't enter the store because they knew if they did their parents would be very ashamed of them. It was a lingerie store!

"No! Cover! COVER!!! BLOCK IT!!! AUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!"

"It's there!!!"

Norman Hacker put his head in his hands. Two-nil. He feared this would happen. Nobody had heard of Naboombu Umbongo before the World Cup and unknown opposition can always be dangerous. There had been limited opportunity to scout them out because of various legal concerns and Hacker was unprepared for the match. All he did was send his team out there to perform. And he had done.

And it was an utter disaster. Twenty minutes to go and it was all over. They had shown no signs of fight, just playing for a point and trying to hold out. But two in five minutes meant the game was done and dusted. No chance of a comeback, just a desultory finish to the game.

What could Hacker do? He would want to make changes, but he was forbidden from doing so through a Court order. How disastrous that he could not make a tactical substitution thanks to some external intervention! As it was he was stuck with the team and had to make the best of it.

Yes, 2-0. All he could think was it could have been worse. Imagine if they had scored five or six...the clamour would have been intolerable. As it was, two made it comprehensive, if not a humiliation.

The whistle went. Hacker shook hands with the opposition manager, grim-faced. Terrible result, he thought. A bloody victory. I can't drop them now, WHINGE will have my guts for garters.

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

MATCH REPORT FOR THE TRAITOR TEAM

Blouman Empire 3-3 Pazhujeb Islands

Blouman Empire Lineup

1. Burner
2. Kiamar (-83')
3. Walker
4. Bricker
5. Moaninton
6. Holdings
7. Lightfoot
8. Flimar
9. Speed (-45')
10. Fox (-65')
11. Junkson

19. Seltard (+45')
41. Isaacs (+65')
25. Clappis (+83')

Goals Scored
Bricker 1', Moaninton 20', Flimar 49'

Cautions
Walker 24', Holdings 43', Clappis 87'

Pazhujeb Islands Lineup

1. Amutarrad
2. Lissama
3. Vuhumkara
4. Quridheru (-66')
5. Tushambanda
6. Panithaj
7. Abadhyash (-62')
8. Idarha (-64)
9. Rha
10. Parokshara
11. Ghur

18. Qaltaban (+62')
23. Qiva (+64')
14. Guvidhipa (+66')

Goals Scored
Abadhyash 7', Quridheru 12', Panithaj 85'

Cautions
Rha 25', Tushambanda 67'

Congratulations to the Purple Heathens. Don't get too cheery though, we're adding six more years to your mandatory conscription terms, so by the time you get back you'll be repenting your Orthodox ways.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DESTRUINDO O ADVERSÁRIO... EM VÁRIOS SENTIDOS

http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/9419/isgeeax81270907213024phvc5.jpg
The police said: "We're here to bring order" - before hitting the prisoners

The Monopolists were more confident than ever. Of course the confidence is high, as the team won the first two games with good results. The third game, against Casari, would be important for the National Team, as it could confirm the fact that the country is in this cup to compete for a top position. And, playing at home, the talent and ability of Cafundéu made the difference. Easy win, five goals, three more points, a tough opponent defeated. But not without fight. Literally. Some players got involved in arguments and fights during the game.

Changes and Absences: same team of last game.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: the drunk players of Casari, ready to get involved in a confusion.

The stadium of the game seemed to reflect the climate of the game. The Presídio is a stadium located inside a high-security prison, and the prisoners are able to watch the game for free. The bleachers are close to the field, and the prisoners can throw things at the players, are heard and can even invade the field if they want to. Everybody knew that this game could become violent... “blood can be seen,” said Franz Braddock. But, in the end, is the result what matters, and Cafundéu won the game with an excellent score.

THE FIRST HALF: in fact, Cafundéu won the game before the tenth minute. Attacking with fury and speed, the Monopolists were able to score twice. First, Flecha was stopped with a violent foul by Wroni. Neto took it with his usual talent and scored the goal. Minutes after, Da Silva took the ball from an opponent, invaded the area from the left side and crossed to Ferreira. The attacker headed the ball, it hit the post, but he headed again in the rebound and scored the goal.

After scoring twice, Cafundéu’s situation in the game seemed very comfortable. But, as there was still much time for the game to end, the coach shouted to his team to continue working hard. Casari tried to attack, but the home team was doing a great job, and stopped their attempts. At that time, some Casarans started to get nervous, and the first arguments happened. Eduardo Monte argued with Danialson. The referee showed the yellow card to both. Before the end of the half, Cafundéu could score more. Flecha received the ball from Anormal, dribbled two players and shot with strength, scoring a nice goal.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Flecha’s first goal): “Ball to Flecha, the talented attacker will trrrrry to scorrrrre. He faces the defender... good drrrrribble, avoids his leg that wanted to hit him. A second defender trrrrries to tackle the ball... another good drrrrribble! Now has the opporrrrrtunity to shoot, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The rrrrreplay is alrrrrready herrrrre! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu one, Casarrrrri zerrrrro! Coming to Cafundó do Juta and doesn’t know wherrrrre to stay? Come to Parrrrraíso Hotel, wherrrrre you can find peace and comforrrrrt!”

http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/9761/6914229736gaeu0.jpg
A player is removed from the field... tough game

THE SECOND HALF: Cafundéu’s mission in the second half was only to hold the result. After all, three against zero was already a very good result, and Braddock didn’t want much more. But Ferreira showed that the team is in excellent form, and can score many goals against good teams. After a long pass made by Vergara, he exchanged passes with Neto and Flecha and shot when the goalkeeper was leaving the goal. After this play, Neto argued with Rollins and elbowed his face. Was sent off. Later, Wroni made another violent foul and was sent off.

The situation in the field was complicated. The prisoners who were watching the game started to try to humiliate the Casarans, disrespecting them. One even threw a mobile phone (where did he get that?) on the head of Casari’s goalkeeper. They wanted to see the Cafundelenses scoring more goals, and sending some opponents to the hospital (surprising, there were no injuries in this game). After a violent foul made by Souza, Danialson replied with a punch. Souza replied with a strong kick and the fight started. Other players got involved in the fight but, when the battle ended, the referee showed the red card only to Souza and Danialson. Flecha was still able to score a last goal in the game, and it ended 5x0.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Ferreira’s second goal): “And herrrrre comes Cafundéu in another attack, a grrrrreat game for the Monopolists! Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra now with the ball, pass to Da Silva, pass to Flecha, the ball rrrrreturrrrrns to Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra, nice drrrrribble over a defender, shoots the ball... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrreplay it now! Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra, number eleven! Cafundéu four, Casarrrrri zerrrrro! Rrrrrui Rrrrrei, the top singer, rrrrrreleases his new CD tomorrrrrow, in the “Show Me Your Commerrrrrcial Worrrrrk” TV prrrrrogrrrrram! Watch this, in Globo Multimedia!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: a game played inside a prison must have interesting and strange moments. The tunnel that leads to the field is watched by police officers. Some Casaran players said that the police officers said to them when they were entering in the field things like: “How does it feel to be in hell’s gate, boy?”; “Come on girl, you wouldn’t like to go to this place, come to my house.”; “I bet I’ll see you later... inside the prison, your &%*## criminal.” The situation wasn’t different when the players entered in the field. The prisoners said lots of things to the poor players. The Cafundelense players, who know about Presídio, weren’t affected that much by the prisioners’ talk. One of them ate the head of a bat and shouted: “This is what’ll happen to YOU!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: another big win for Cafundéu, I’m sure that everyone in the team is happy. And, as ever, I talked first with the coach of the National Team. He said: “As I said before, we would see blood in this game. We saw. But I expected more from Casari. We played well, but I think that they could have played better. For me, no problem, as I loved that they weren’t able to play very well. Hahahahaha!”

Vergara, who got involved in the big fight, told me: “They are good in fighting. It was a good experience, they fought well, I like difficult fights. About the game? An easy one, we are in superb form.” The midfielder Neto said: “Why did I receive a red card? I just elbowed that idiot. He deserved that. These referees don’t know that these things are necessary in a game.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): Casari has good players, I’m sure of that. But today they didn’t impress me. In Cafundéu, Anormal did a good job again, helped by Ferreira, who was even able to score twice. Unfortunately, because of the fight, their ratings weren’t as good as they should be. Flecha, who scored twice and didn’t get involved in the fight, was the best of the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (the beginning of the fight): “Danialson rrrrrruns to the attack, has to be stopped. Souza comes, slides... and it’s a foul. Danialson seems upset... punches Souza! Why? Therrrrre was no need to do this! And Souza rrrrreplies, they starrrrrt to fight, the rrrrreferrrrree can’t do anything, other playerrrrrrs enter in the battle, the situation is difficult... this rrrrreminds me of something: twenty-four hourrrrrs a day, anytime you need, you have the Jutense Hospital to help you, with good doctorrrrrs and equipments!”

http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/6010/6894694073gaid6.jpg
Flecha commemorates goal with team mates

CAFUNDÉU 5x0 CASARI

Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.
Attendance: 99,508 people (extremely crowded).
Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Flecha (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara (Carlos Magno 77’), Anormal, Da Silva (Marcelinho 77’) and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira (Èverton 56’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/casari.png CASARI: Barisa; Perrins, Antari and Wroni; Rollins (Bruski 65’), Tennar, Estanberg and Lornair (Epedan 45’); Reoni, Hills (Lienzi 81’) and Danialson.
Coach: he lost the flight.

Goals:CAF: Neto 2’ , Ferreira 7’/53’ , Flecha 45’+/76’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Yafor 2: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Leandro Cavalo, Eduardo Monte and Lobato; Lionel, Anormal, Da Silva and Marcelinho; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Sharon Rekke (Jeruselem).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 3 games:

5- Flecha
3- Ferreira
2- Neto
1- Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselemites adopt Jane Sanderson as own

As Jeruselem have adopted our Ariddian Dallas girls, they had adopted a real Ariddian now. Jane Sanderson of Ariddia, Ariddia's World Cup 38 coach and Jeruselem's World Cup 39 coach is now settled into our nation. Already popular with Ariddian expats, Jane is a latest Frenchie to be adopted as our own.

Jeruselem has tradition of Frenchies being integrated including the Pointy Sticks (Qazoxian), Dallas girls (Ariddian), Scarlet Ferris (Oliverrian), the Shos (Ariddian Jews), Monique Alexander (Oliverrian), Sark Kozy (Oliverrian, married to Scarlet Ferris) and now more Ariddians like the Sandersons. There's a long list of Jeruselem World Cup players and coaches of Frenchie origin. Even the Jewish Kara Kool is part Frenchie.

The first Frenchies in Jeruselem were uninvited as they were the characters of the First Crusade who killed, burned and looted their way here. The descendants of Crusaders took back Jeruselem after collapse of Ottoman empire resulting in a bloody civil war. An alliance of Arabs, Jews and Christians was formed to fight emerging anarchists and Communists as well as hard line Protestants.

A new invasion of Frenchies started in a more peaceful way as Jeruselem reemerged out of the civil war and opportunities for a business in a rebuilding economy started. The real boom of Frenchies started when little known Natasha Dallas of Ariddia put Frenchies on the football scene when her daughters Dazza and Debbie took up the sport to escape poverty. The Dallas girls are now household names, but a local historian says Dallas girls are descended from Jeruselemites who moved to Ariddia as the first Catholics in Ariddia.

There's even a little Paris in Jeruselem where people like Jane Sanderson can go to relive the comforts of home. There's even a little Ariddia.

Now, Frenchies from all over the Frenchie world are coming over to Jeruselem to play football and Frenchies from Jeruselem are moving to other Frenchie nations like Bostopia.

Jeruselem's queen - Queen Alexandra Katherine Dallas is quarter Ariddian (and half Qazoxian) so the Frenchie influence goes right to the top. While Jane may not be a Jeruselem citizen, she's already one of us.

Frenchies may not be biggest population in Jeruselem but they are still prominent. They may not have the economic clout of the Jews, or the sheer numeric advantage of Palestians - but they are now part of the fabric of Jeruselem. Most are either Catholic, secular Christian or athiest.

The Emperor was out, in a political meeting in a foreign country. Inside the royal office, the Princess was doing nothing important, although she is a governor and is commanding the country in her father's absence.

PRINCE ROGÉRIO - (son of the Emperor/brother of Alicia/one of the Emperor's advisors) "Have you heard the news about Estresse Intenso's National Team?"

PRINCESS ALICIA - (heir of the throne) "Which news? I haven't heard anything."

ROGÉRIO - "It seems that the Landau Institute has problems in keeping the National Team. The Machine needed an emergency surgery, they're worried about their future."

ALICIA - "Who cares?"

ROGÉRIO - "The people of Cafundéu! If they disappear, our citizens will commemorate!"

ALICIA - "I can do nothing."

ROGÉRIO - "You're right. Just wanted to tell you the news. In fact, the President of the Landau Institute arranged a meeting with the leader of the Terreiro de Ogum independent territories... maybe Terreiro de Ogum can take the Landau Institute's place..."

ALICIA - "Soon?"

ROGÉRIO - "This nobody can predict."

Empire Settles For Draw
Police search for streaker

The Blouman international soccer team yesterday was held to a draw against opponents The Pazhujeb Islands at their first home game. The game started off well with a goal in the first minute by defender Ahron Bricker who managed to guide the ball through the keepers hands from a corner. The lead however was short lived when Abadhyash scored in the 7th minute and Quridheru in the 12th. Moaninton managed to bring the score level from another corner a scissor kick from the edge of the D over everyone heads and just scrapping under the cross bar. William Walker was yellow carded in the 24th minute on the edge of the 18 yard box which nearly resulted in a goal for the opposition if not for a miraculous save by Burner. Just before half time Steven Holdings was given a yellow card for a late tackle. At the beginning of half time Seltard replaced Speed who had complained of a niggling foot the foot was massaged by the team Physio and will be good for the next game. In the 49th minute midfileder Johnathon Filmar put the ball in the back of the net after a well placed cross from Jack Juckson. It looked like they would score again after a late tackle by Tushambanda 22 yards from goal however the kick by Alexander Lightfoot hit one side of the frame bounced across hit the other and came out which was quickly collected up by the opponents keeper. It looked like the game was bagged but a late goal by Panithaj made it a draw the final score 3-3.

The draw by the empire saw the empire remain in 5th position with 4 points after The Archregimancy won, now three points adrift from 1st and 2nd and a point adrift from 3rd. Overall the crowd was well behaved expect for one streaker who streaked across the field in pursuit by security guards and police but managed to get away, this is in addition to the many other streaking incidents that have happened in the past month recently one happening at the Braxon Snooker Championship Final. If anyone has any information on the streaker and her wearabouts (pun intended) please contact your local police

Ready to Play

The football team is on the way to Jeruselem, to play their 4th game of the qualifyers. The Princess' as they are know are currently second on the table and currently ranked 14th. Despite half the team being comprosied of females the Manager Luke Danner has repeatadly told the team that this will be one of the hardest games they will play and to treat them like any other player, "These females are tougher and better than most of you here, you are not to give them any quarter and treat them like you would any other player". The game is expected to be a tough one for the empire with the team going into this game as underdogs with the average odds given by the bookies for a win being 17-1. Though the team has a strong opponet captain Sam Kiamar said "Yes we will have trouble but we believe that we will play to the best of our ability and believe that if we can start this game on the right foot we can win this game". While the team has high hopes many fans are hoping that the impending loss will be a respectable one unlike the game against Demot which saw the team go down 8-1.

MD4 RP Cutoff

The taeshani team got blown out today 7-1 in bettia. Zeke scored there only goal. The taes fbi is looking in on the bettian team because the taes have never played this bad like ever. In other news the white salamanders of ashlaea lost also today in oliverry, 2-1. The salamanders are still fourth in there group while the taes have fallen to fifth in theres behind dancougar.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc39/
AEROPAG, JI · 2140–04–01 · 0.10 g Au

Sports: SLANI calls out Demot FA over expansion issue
PRONTERA, NM—According to high-ranking Capitalizt SLANI officials, the presence of forward Julius Rotherwell on the Demot national team for World Cup 39 qualifying is “outrageous.” Their claim centers around the fact that Rotherwell is from the new territory currently being annexed by the so-called “government” of Demot. SLANI alleges that the Demot FA is not permitted to use players from the new territory without making a proper request to the World Cup Committee.

The World Cup Committee announced that it had received a protest from Capitalizt SLANI demanding sanctions against Demot for the breach of protocol, and held a press conference (hey, they have to do something with the nice kumquat garden) to announce that the protest was rejected. According to their spokesperson, “the protest was received far too late to be actionable; the player in question has already been named to the squad for three competitive matches.” He then took a shot at the SLANI officials, saying “As this dispute is entirely about paperwork, it seems absurd that they couldn’t get theirs in order.” In response to a question from a Cafundelense reporter, the World Cup Committee also made known that a contributing factor to the protest’s tossing-out was the failure by Capitalizt SLANI to pay certain “fees” to the Committee in a timely manner, whereas the Demot FA had made its payments in a manner that the bureaucrats were happy with.

Capitalizt SLANI has, somewhat peculiarly, decided to penalize the Demot FA by itself. SLANI now refuses to deal with the Demot FA in any manner, including playing matches against their team (presumably forfeiting any competitive fixtures that appear), until the issue is resolved to its satisfaction. It is unclear whether this sanction would affect the upcoming World Cup, if Demot were to be drawn in one of the Unified Capitalizt States groups.

Critics of SLANI’s handling of the issue have pointed out the parallels to their own, somewhat controversial, use of Bedistani players in the years between the withdrawl of the BFA from the World Cup and the fall of the not-so-Grand Dominion. Capitalizt SLANI was not required to ask permission from the World Cup Committee for that, but is now demanding that Demot be held to a higher standard. Supporters of SLANI’s position have noted that the contracts underlying the membership of SLANI and 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) in the World Cup Committee do not involve any territorial restrictions, and that the nature of their membership is far from ordinary.

Capitalizt SLANI intends to back down only if the Demot FA apologizes and refrains from calling up Rotherwell until the proper paperwork has been filed. Most experts do not believe that this is likely to happen, as SLANI’s “sanctions” will hardly affect the Dynamo. It is anyone’s guess how long SLANI will want to maintain this seemingly-pointless quest, but it probably depends on the Demot FA’s ability to provide a particular sum of money. Beyond some supernatural intervention, money seems the only rational motive for this “issue.”

"Bastards!"

"I know, we lost!"

"To who?"

"Rubiero"

"Who the hell are they?"

"No idea"

"Ok"

"Is this going to one of those Kenas type things?"

"Looks like it"

"Fuck!"

"Yeh man, this sucks"

"Plus we drew last time"

"When did this happen?!"

"Oh you must have been watching baseball"

"We lost there too"

"How did that happen?!"

"Ole' Gomez is a terrible closer"

"Idiot, we should have brought back Mayer"

"Agreed"

"Well since Milchama is struggling I think we need a solution"

"Yeh and there is only one solution"

"MARGARET!"

"Ok then"

"Say as I say and do as I do!"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Ok now repeat after me!"

"Etamar!" "Etamar!"
"Top Speaker!" "Top Speaker"
"Giants!" "Giants!"
"Incredible!" Incredible!"

"Now strip and run around!"

*3 minutes later*

"That's so awkward when you're not in a screaming stadium"

"I know"

"Oh great Margaret we beseech thee to give us victory in the qualifiers of the World Cup and the World Baseball Classic. As testimony to your great greatness we sacrifice this rubber chicken so that you may hear our prayers"

*Swings an axe and misses*

"You're so awful at this!"

"He moved! I swear!"

"Whatever"

*Swings the axe and a rubber chicken head falls to floor*

"Please take our sacrifice dear Margaret for our so little compared to your awesome might and may you grant us victory. Thank you."

Confussion Reigns in Nire and Nire

President Nire has ordered an official inquiry to determine how three World Cup Qualifers were staged in the Disputed Territories to the complete ignorance of the entire nation(s). The official World Cup website has credited the Nire and Nire Bulls with four matches, three of them supposedly played at home, with a 1-2-1 record. While many suspect an oversight on behalf of the World Cup Organising Committee there is growing concern that a rebel organisation is masquerading as the Nire and Nire football team after President Nire issued a royal decree banning all forms of sporting activity except for cock fighting and mice races.

A spokesman for the FA, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that there was no official Nire and Nire involvment with the World Cup Qualifiers, nor was there likely to be any following the nationwide sporting ban. He also expressed surprise that the sporting teams of three sporting nations had been able to enter Nire and Nire unknown and play a football match against nobody. Entry into Nire and Nire is nearly impossible, the landlocked nation recently installed a 20m high concrete fence to keep its citizens from escaping into neighbouring waste lands. The nation's only harbour is monitored 24/7 by heavily armoured patrol boats. Because of the audacity of its players, if there is in fact anyone playing football at all under the Nire and Nire banner, their audacity warrants a style modifier of +3.

Meanwhile, as news slowly reaches the ears of the mindless drones of Nire and Nire of the Bulls performances in qualifiers hope is beginning to rise that sporting activity will shortly be reinstated. Be it a rouge team or a glaring administrative oversight, Nire and Nire currently sits ast 5th place in its pool needing a top three placing to secure entry into the World Cup. It will be a special feat indeed for a nation without a team to make the sports ultimate competition.

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 4: @ Starblaydia
Starblaydia 0
QAZOX 0


One of the better matches I've seen so far these qualifers, as the Pheonix and Starblaydia. A 0-0 draw that saw both sides attack and counter-attack through out, but in the end, they play of both Fernando Rodriguez and Sherlene Scheppe (her 2nd shut-out so far), kept each team off the board.

Both sides wasted multiple oppertunites in the late stages, after subsitutions geared for attack, neither side could take advantage of the speedier players.

Up next for Qazox is Wing Wang Woo at home in Estadia Pika, Pika City. This game is a trap game as the following tow games are against Estresse Intenso and Zwangzug. But I think that the Pheonix should win this game rather handily.

Summary:

Starblaydia: Juan Oscar (Yellow Card- 68')
Qazox: Stevie Spingler (Yellow Card- 76')
Qazox: Subsitution: (Chadwick Jethva for Stevie Spingler- 77')
Starblaydia: Subsitution: (Stefan Hinkonnen for Kwame Jabir- 85')
Qazox: Subsitution: (Jeffie Huhman for Letta Smicht- 86')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 2
Huhman- 2
Tarricone- 1
Valladores- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-1
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
RED:
none

NOTE: Next match, please Sub Willow Farmwald in for Kallie Jaus, if you RP before me.

James Gaines had arrived in Bazalonia to find a letter waiting for him from SLANI.

In it the letter detailed thier complaint with Demot, their demands and basically everything that was covered in the Aeropag Tribune.

"Bloody heck... and I'm still the WCC President so I gotta sort this bloody mess out." he cursed to himself before firstly getting on the phone with Andrew Coulter.

"Hey, Andrew,"

"Hi, James, I presume you're not able to coach?"

"So you've heard have you?"

"Yep, I'll give the Aeropag Tribune one thing, they're fast."

"Alright so Caine and Peter will be continueing on as coaches until I can sort this thing out, oh and your mother will be back next week, she's booked on a plane home and not even the Hospital Adminstrator was able to stop her."

"Yeah, well thanks for everything. Do you want to just finish up your term as President and then come and take the Coaching role? It'll save everyone a whole lot of hassle."

"I'll think about it and let you know, I've got to get this thing out and done, before SLANI blames me for something..."

Over the next days Capitalizt SLANI and Demot Footballing Association would receive a letter or email as may be appropriate in the case. Inviting delegates from both to "get together so we can talk about what's going on with the tension between the two clubs"

~~

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS win ugly against Cadarnia.

Rodney Rosenfeld got a shutout in his first ever start, a 2-0 win at Cadarnia, which evened the Wombats record at 2-0-2. Mike Sink was inserted into the starting lineup in place of Jill Caffey, and the extra attacking up front lead to both Wombat goals. The first came just 11 minutes in, as Claudia Bard's direct kick was deflected unto the right foot of Sink, who nailed it home for his first goal of the qualifiers. The 2nd goal came in the 83rd minute on a penalty kick by Eva Ibrahim.

The win moves Green wombat into 4th place in the group, for the time being. Up next is a home match against Daehanjeiguk, who currently occupies 3rd place. A win will go a long way in proving that this team can compete atthe top once again, but a draw is the most likely result.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 1
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)

Jeruselem Government News

Blouman Empire football invasion fails badly, army boys sink

Blouman Empire came to Jeruselem to fix up their lagging campaign. With the favourites going strong in Group 3, they needed to beat the best. Playing Jeruselem at home was not a task for the weak, with the Monks managing a tough draw two games ago.

The entertainment was started by Jacinta Dallas pumping out her rendition of ABBA's Money Money Money. It was a song much loved by the Jeruselem people, and it was clear which team had more money - Jeruselem. To put the song in perspective, she wore one of her mother's bellydancing coin-money dresses. The dress was semi-transparent and got some folks in the crowd over excited.

When the singing was over, it was the Jeruselem who was on the money. Jeruselem's recent slow starts didn't repeat today with Kara Kool testing the Blouman Empire defense early.

Coss Cohen got the scoring started with crisp strike after the defense failed to clear a loose ball. Hikfie Dallas got taken off the field later after a crude tackle from behind took her out. The team doctors say she might be out for a few games.

Mary Magary pounced on a Blouman mistake to send Scooter (Scarlet Ferris) scurrying past a unprepared defense to score number two. 2-0 to Jeruselem after the 1st half.

Kara Kool had a frustrating day with many near misses and was taken off the field to a lot of complaining. Edward Barat came on and made an immediate impact. He paired up fellow striker Gime Thadope to get into Blouman penalty area, and slot in the killer 3rd goal.

The end came with Dazza Deux running past a tired defense popping in an easy goal.

The Blouman Empire got one back when Fiskin Dallas tripped overherself to hand the ball a opposition striker and make the score more presentable.

It didn't last as Olk scored the last goal of the game with crunching header. 5-1 to Jeruselem.

Demot made The Pazhujeb Islands look like schoolkids with a 5-0 trashing. Demot are on a winning streak since match day 2.

Evil Polish Donors did well to draw with Magnus Valerius 2 ALL and made the chasing pack's life easier denying a golden three points.

The Monks brushed aside Scotchpinestan 4-0 to be unbeaten and keep 3rd spot in Group 3.

Jeruselem and Demot are on a 3-1-0 record with the Monks at 2-2-0. Potential rivals are not having a great time so far. Big threat The Pazhujeb Islands are struggling to keep up with big three and need get some wins under the belt now. Only the big 3 have good goal differences with other teams coping hidings so far to make their's negative.

Jeru FC were 3rd in Group 4 but Alfredo Neve's boys crashed to Novapolu 0-4. The army boys have had two good wins but also two bad losses as well. We can tell it's going be a really hard road for Jeru FC from here.

The Jeru FC coach defended his team's erratic performances
"What's bloody panic. We're 5th and we've had two good wins. All I need to do is stop these stupid brain lapses these boys have and make them play good all the time. I know they can play better and I know they tend to collapse like they did today. I don't need a half-naked female coach like Dazza to help, I can make these boys better. It's early days, I know they can qualify when they put their game together. OK, I need more glue but I think they can get it together when it's needed. This team is better than it looks."

Group 3
Demot 5–0 The Pazhujeb Islands
Jeruselem 5–1 Blouman Empire
Magnus Valerius 2–2 Evil Polish Donors
Scotchpinestan 0–4 The Archregimancy

Group 4
Jeru FC 0–4 Novapsolu

"LIVE from St Samuel, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in St Samuel for Match 4 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. St Samuel, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "The St Samuel is rather unusual, in fact We don't even know who they are!"

RJ: "So you think you can one-handedly beat them?"

Coach: "Shut up RJ, I've learned my lesson."

<plays St Samuel's national anthem>

RJ: "St Samuel's crowd is very rowdy tonight, despite not knowing who the team is!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd boos .>

Coach: "That's more like it, us getting, booed, It fires them up!"

RJ: "Right it does, and they're ready to kickoff the match, St Samuel takes control..."

<cut to 28th minute>

RJ: " and Rick Bowley, scores on the Penalty and its 1-0 Prawns!!!"

Coach: "Damn right, after that blantant low-blow by the St Samuel player. I'm surprised only a yellow was given there! "

RJ: "I agree, if that were Michael Shawns or C.M. Junk, then they would've been sent off!!, St Samuel takes the kickoff..."

<cut to 35th minute>

RJ: "And St Samuel ties it at 1-1, as Norton wasn't paying attention!"

Coach: "That's why you complain to the ref after a stoppage, not during the course of play."

RJ: "Damn right, He was tripped going after the ball coming into the penalty area and instead of passing it off to a teammate, he just started jawing with the ref, and St Samuel took full advantage there."

<cut to 45th minute>

RJ: "Randy Norton's attempt at a diving elbow off the top of the net, back fired, leaving the net wide open, and it's now 2-1 St Samuel here late in the first half! "

Coach: "I think that Mr. Nicnann needs to get rid of Norton in net. He's cost us too many goals against"

RJ: "And Mr. Nicnann is sending in Craig Helms, but there's the whistle.. Dos that subsitution count? Yes it does, and Prux is down to only 2 subs left!"

<cut to 87th to 88th minutes>

RJ: "2-1 St samuel here late in the game, and Mr. Nicnann is sending in 2 subs??"

Coach: "This reaks of desperation, as both Hedge and Chris Jerusalem both are coming in and both Mikey James and Henry Marks are going out!"

RJ: "Will this desperate measure work? And Hedge got the ball, he takes it past a defender and, SPEAR!!!! It in the net! 2-2 we're tied again late here in St Samuel and the crowd is stunned silent!!!!"

<END of match>

RJ: "A 2-2 sister-kisser for the Prawns, as they rallied for a draw. Up next is Fujisawan Territories, in Pawtucket. For Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you in Pawtucket!"

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen- 3 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-2
Jason Brian Layden- 1
Rick Bowley- 1 (pk)
Hedge- 1

On a short visit away from the dealings in Modre, the Great and Illustrious Hergan decided it was finally time to pay attention to the going-ons in the small colony of Violitism. Without donning any attention-grabbing garb, Hergan snuck out of the capital city Herganville down to the harbor where a ship was waiting to take him to Violitism. The people would never know of his absence...

-----------

Inside the Modrian embassy, a small old man with glasses hanging off the end of his nose sat at a tiny desk, reading a single sheet of paper under an oil lamp. The embassy wasn't more than a tiny shack, and the wind that howled around it made it appear as if it wasn't really located in the capital of Violitism at all, but rather in some obscure area where people would stop throwing eggs at it. In fact, it had the smell as if that was exactly what people had been doing until just about two days ago. The man frowned as he read on:

Violitist Daily: The ONLY Acceptable News
Get caught reading anything else and

at this there was a picture of a man being pushed off a cliff on a television screen. The paper was dated 1/31/08.

DANGEROUS PRISONER SENT TO SOCCER CAMP
Infamous prisoner 1010110011 has finally reached the time for his sentence, in which he will play for his life in the World Cup Championship. To honor the Great Violets Above, we have decided it would be best if he were to bring our great nation glory by playing in this fantastical tournament.
Whether he wins or dies in the attempt, his efforts are sure to gain approval by the Great Violets, and cause the rain to flow on our nation for the years to come. If he dies, we shall sacrifice another 20 citizens to the Great Violets Above on national TV. Tuning in is mandatory and will cost 30 vranis.
In addition, the home games will take place in the Sacrificial Stadium, a great honor to our lovely contestant. To watch each mandatory game it will be 50 vrainis per TV and 75 vrainis to have the EXTRAORDINARY HONOR of watching it in person, so COME TO THE GAMES.

Gulping, the man wiped off his forehead and wondered what The Great and Illustrious Hergan would think when he found out about this new stunt.

Violitist Daily: The ONLY Acceptable News
Get caught reading anything else and...
2/1/08

PRISONER LOOSES MATCH: LITTLE BLOODSHED
After several hours of running around against a much too fair and therefore blasphemous opponent, which will remain unnamed for the Public's own spirituality, the Prisoner 1010110011 lost the first match 0-1. The crowd went away in much disappointment. There was definitely not enough gore to please the Great Violets Above.
Any rumors that magic was involved in the game are false. Anyone caught spreading these rumors will be given the honor of being sacrificed to the Great Violets Above on national TV.

Violitist Daily: The ONLY Acceptalbe News
Get caught reading anything else and...
2/2/08

SCORE AND GORE AT ST. SAMUEL
Despite the problematic game yesterday against Kura-Pelland, Prisoner 1010110011 was bloodied up for the first time while scoring. In a miraculous move after being hit several times in the nuts with the ball, 1010110011 managed to get the ball under his control and slide it past the opposing teams' goalie. The crowd watching at home were well pleased with the resulting bloodbath, in which 1010110011 fought the goalpost in utter confusion, eventually resulting in a broken arm, fractured middle finger, and a bloody nose.
The final score was 1-5.
For more excitement like this, tune into the World Cup at 10 PM and give us your Vrainis!

Violitist Daily: The ONLY Acceptalbe News
Get caught reading anything else and...
2/3/08

BLOODBATH CONTINUES!
After the apparent enjoyment by the Violitism crowd at yesterday's match against St. Samuel, it appears that Prux is more then happy to continue spreading the joy. In the 1-4 game, not only were the Violitism crowd forced to appear supportive of the opposite team at gunpoint, but one person was actually shot. (Any rumors that this was suicide are strictly false. Anyone caught spreading these rumors will be given the honor of being sacrificed to the Great Violets Above on national TV at 3 PM. Once again, this costs 30 Vranis and is MANDATORY.)
In addition to this beginning death, in the prisoner was severley harassed by the opposing team, much to the delight of the crowd. At one point he was even bleeding from the mouth. No more details will be given so that no one can cheat during quiz time. (At 2:30PM all citizens must check into their scheduled "Quiz Time Center" to see if you have been paying attention to the MANDATORY news times. No communications will be allowed until every citizen has reported.)

"Oh man," moaned the man as he heard a knock on the door. He wiped his brow as he opened the door to the Great and Illustrious Hergan.