World Cup 39—roleplay thread [Archive] - Page 2

Dancougar

05-02-2008, 07:03

(Suggestive music and title screen)
JACK: Aaaaah, sexy music! Means it's time for ROLE PLAY! Dial it up, Harbough. (The two take turns holding cardboard face cutouts in front of their own.) Let's begin, who am I?
BILL: Jack, you are Black Wings goalie Peter Hawkins. Just when people were starting to say that you guys might have something going, you gave up four last night in another thumping at the hands of a top team. What's the deal here?
JACK: Well, those Vephrall hotel soaps were something else, very smooth, nice scent, they moisturize like you wouldn't believe. Spend the night, next morning, hands are all slippy, I couldn't get a grip on the ball.
BILL: Gloves, Pete?
JACK: Let's just ignore that tiny detail.
BILL: Your play against the top teams in this group has left much to be desired. Are you really just an average goalkeeper that benefited from a tough defense in the run-up to your national team selection?
JACK: I've made big saves in big games, so I don't think there's a question of my capabilities. But did you see how many shots I faced? Just by the law of averages, three or four were going to go in.
BILL: Your position on that third goal was questionable, but we move on. (Takes a cardboard face.) Who am I?
JACK: You are Hideo Ikeda. You were mostly absent from last night's festivities, generating only two shots, both of them wide of the post. We can blame the defense for letting Vephrall get ahead, but shouldn't you shoulder some of that for not fighting back?
BILL: What I don't understand is why people keep criticizing me when I'm one of two forwards on a team that plays with a defensive bias. And when you have Vephrall holding the ball for almost sixty five percent of the game, I'm not going to get the touches I need. Now, I suppose I could've done better with my chances. I did balloon one over the bar, I definitely hurried that shot, but I had two defenders closing in and had to get something off.
JACK: Yes, but if you have support, shouldn't you use that instead of trying to do everything yourself?
BILL: What support? Akira's the only guy who routinely comes up from the middle, and he's way off on the right side somewhere. If I hit the ball back to Jere or Jon in the middle, it backs everything up and we get nowhere, and we probably lose the ball before anything develops, anyway.
JACK: Need to have a little more confidence in your captain, Leyton. (Takes cutout.) Who am I?
BILL: You're substitute midfielder Hikaru Waya. In the few games you've played, you've had an offensive impact. Now, obviously the game was too far gone by the time you'd normally come in, but now, with Bettia coming into your house, do you think Pat French should switch it up a bit and let you start?
JACK: I don't know that it's such a bad idea to try and get more attacking options on the field, we obviously need to keep it close and try and grab an early lead, because we haven't shown the ability to close the gap once teams start to score on us. And while we're at it, I think we need fresh legs at the back. Bring in Dominica or Allderdice on defense, maybe even swap in Anderson Price at goalie.
BILL: Woooo!! Don't let your teammates hear that, Hikaru, don't you think that's a bit much? Last time Pat switched up too much was Lake Arrowhead, a two-all draw for you guys in the Baptism of Fire.
JACK: Something needs to be done to deal with the teams at the head of the table. They're exploiting a tired defense, and we don't have enough weapons on the field to create trouble for opposing defenders.
BILL: But are you guys fit enough to come off the bench and start against a high octane team like Bettia?
JACK: Hey, it's our house, we'll do what it takes.
BILL: And with that... Role Play is over. When we come back, we're talking zombies. Bostopia digs deep!
ANNOUNCER: Pardon the Interruption, brought to you by Sir Alec Lite! That's no moon, it's great taste, fewer calories!

Acapais

05-02-2008, 07:52

World Cup Qualifying – MD4

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Casari http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/casari.png
1:2 (1:1)

Match Report:
Gaalsien Field, Ansonbrough, Acapais – The fifth match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against Casari last night and ended in a 2-1 loss for the home side.

Danialson struck first off a corner kick from Reoni. Acapais’s defensive midfielder, Zach McKellar hit an equalizer off a cross from Henry Paroe. Osman’s left-footed freekick in the 38th minute was brilliantly saved by Raymond Barisa. Later in the second half, a mirror image of that freekick taken by captain James Fronberry’s right foot was again saved by the Casari goalkeeper. Hill scored the game winner for Casari late into the second half when Lornair shot hit the far post and bounced to the striker’s feet. Acapan goalkeeper Paul Junxton almost scored a bizarre goal in the 89th minute off a goalkick that bounced near the Casari penalty spot, over Barisa’s head and landed on the top of the netting of the goal.

Castro’s injury status for the match against Yafor 2 is again listed as doubtful.

The loss leaves Acapais in sixth place in their group. Acapais is five points away from a qualification spot.

Scoring:
Casari – Danialson (Reoni) 23
Acapais – McKellar (Paroe) 28
Casari – Hill (Lornair) 85

Booking:
Acapais – B. Sample (caution; Reckless foul) 38
Casari – Wroni (caution; Reckless foul) 44
Acapais – Rummy (caution; Unsporting behavior) 56
Casari – Perrins (caution; Wasting Time) 89

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton
2 - Bradly Sample
3 - Derek Sample(Rex Agitril 62)
4 - Nick Daniels (Bobby Underland 87)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 - Pablo
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar
9 - Henry Paroe
11 - Al Vick Osman
12 - Dave Lugini

Casari Starting Lineup:
1 Peter Danialson
2 Silvia Hill
3 Michael Reoni
4 Rebecca Lornair
5 James Estanberg
6 David Tennar
7 Christopher Rollins
8 Mark Antari
9 Will Wroni
10 Lucia Perrins
11 Raymond Barisa

Next Match:

@ Yafor 2 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

Hopeless SC

05-02-2008, 08:20

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: This may have been on the road, but it's absolutely dispicable! Effectively an unranked team shutting us out?!

Grades for Kalmykstan match:
Effort: F
Control: F
Offense: N/A, still non-existant
Defense: D-
Overall: F

Lesson Your Team Learned: You can't sleepwalk through matches against the worst teams, because they can jump up and bite you.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderately High

Qazox

05-02-2008, 08:32

The lonely, well not so lonely now, man stopped and turned around, and the thousand or so people now following him stopped as well.

He searched the crowd for the young lady who replied to him a few days earlier and beckoned her to come near. As he waited for her to make her way through the crowd, he began to think about what he should say, but seemingly within seconds, she was standing a few feet in front of him.

"Lass, Why are you people following me still?" the man humbly asked.

The young woman thought about his question for a moment and quickly replied, "Because, we also believe that the end is coming to an end."

"Right. Does any of you truly know why it is coming to an end?" the man asked.

"No, but we believe that you do. You do know, right?" she asked.

Her answer stunned the man for a moment. Did he really know why the voice spoke to him, and for what purpose? Was it truly the voice of Joe or was it the last remaining tatters of his sanity washing away? After contemplating her question for what seemed to the crowd, an eternity, he slowly nodded assent and the pilgrims once again began the pilgrimage to the unknown.

Kura-Pelland

05-02-2008, 09:56

People are led to those who help them most to grow. That, at least, explains why Bo Phelps was so keen on a loan move out of Walton Park to join newly-promoted Candelariasian side Caires Sports, and Phelps has helped them in return with some fine performances at the back.

Now, suddenly, he seems an almost inevitable first choice at the back already - though quite where is anyone's guess - and he is still a teenager, turning 20 around the time of the finals. We think. Time dilation is a funny thing.

Anyway. He capped a fine performance against on-form Rugiero with the third goal in a 3-0 win, roaming out of his defensive lair as he often does to nod a looping header into the top corner. Really, against an anonymous (in every sense) but on-song opposition, this was a superb display, and five or six would have been a fairer scoreline - though as Phelps put it afterwards in an interview, 'we're saving those goals for the big guns'.

All three goals were a bit special anyway, partly a reflection on the solidity of the Rugiero goalkeeper who made plenty of solid stops and a couple of superb ones to keep the score down. The first one was an Iain Belling free-kick from 30 yards; it appeared to be drifting harmlessly wide for a moment, but then started swerving violently like a comet pulled from orbit, and the goalkeeper was motionless as it passed the inside of his far post. There's been no lack of stunning goals at Shanvley already - hosting a World Cup final between two ultra-attacking teams kinda helps with that - but that one was right up there.

The second was all about the build-up play, Belling and Le Monde exchanging passes before the latter's lobbed pass was flicked on by Andy Madden to Fedde Beattis, who toe-poked a deceptively difficult chance into the bottom corner. With Phelps adding a third, Kura-Pelland remain second in the group but critically with a five-point gap to Rugiero in fourth, and their status as non-qualifying nobodies appears to have been changed for good.

Alasdair I Frosticus

05-02-2008, 13:39

ON BEING ASKED FOR A POEM ON THE EMPIRE'S 2-2 DRAW WITH TAESHAN

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I THINK it better that in times like these
A poet's mouth be silent, for in truth
We have no gift to set a football team right;
They have had enough of meddling who can please
Some watching fans in the indolence of their youth,
Or some old men upon a Taeshan night.

A KIT

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

Our team now wears a kit
Covered with embroideries
Out of old mythologies
From heel to throat;
But some fools caught it,
Wore it in the world's eyes
As though they'd wrought it,
And could only draw 2-2.
Poet, let them take it,
For there's more enterprise
In walking naked.

Beer Served Here

05-02-2008, 14:13

Beer Served Here, Dino's Pizza play to a draw

BREW CITY - In front of a sold-out crowd of 83,051 in Hophead Stadium, Beer Served Here and Dino's Pizza played to a 2-2 draw in the latest match in qualifying for the World Cup of Football.

In a game that provided exciting twists and turns throughout, Beer Served Here scored the tying goal in the 81st minute of the contest when star striker Fabio Restivo shot the ball in from 23 meters away over the head of the goaltender. However, Beer Served Here team manager Bill Krabonchanski was not impressed with his team's efforts.

"We were fortunate to come out of tonight's contest with a point in the standings," said Krabonchanski. "We were very lackluster in our efforts in the beginning of the game and definitely did not play up to our full capabilities."

Restivo also recorded an assist in the contest on his pass to midfielder Ivan Nobokov who scored the goal on a spectacular bicycle kick in the 54th minute. Nobokov said that the goal was the result of a pep talk at halftime from Krabonchanski where he called several players out onto the carpet after giving up two quick goals in the contest.

"Coach really laid into us at halftime, and we deserved it," said Nobokov. "We were making dumb mistakes and not playing the way that we played to make the quarters of the Baptism of Fire tourney and in our two previous wins in group play here."

Among moves made at the half was Krabonchanski benching veteran goaltender Steve Beck in favor of the young Jose Alvarez, who stopped every shot that he faced in the second half. While both goaltenders say that there is no controversy over who should have the starting job, Beck feels that he still has the ability to put the team in the best position to win.

"Coach really sent a message to me when he pulled me out of the game," said Beck. "Things weren't working out tonight, but I still feel like I am a strong factor in how this team plays night in and night out and feel like I am the best option for our team at the goaltender position."

Beer Served Here will definitely need a better effort in its next contest, where the go on the road to face a Sel Appa team that is ranked third in the world. Sel Appa features a strong attacking front that will be a test for the Beer Served Here footballers who have the fourth best scoring defense in group 7 allowing seven goals in five contests.

"We will definitely have our hands full," said Krabonchanski. "Miquelinho and Karl Gepardo are tough physical strikers that can score at will if you're not careful. Our defense will have to be tough and try to frustrate those two. That will be the difference in us losing badly and having a chance in this match."

Beer Served Here currently sits at fifth in the group 7 standings, with a 2-1-2 record and a -1 goal differential. They are currently eight points behind Bazalonia who has an unblemished 5-0-0 record.

Jariss

05-02-2008, 15:46

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS“
No storm shall silence us!”

Gnomes Stomp Spiders

In a complete turnaround from the last match’s surprising win, the Spiders were squashed by the two time defending champs by the tune of a 5-0 margin. This sets the dubious record for most goals allowed and biggest loss in Jarissian international play history. Perhaps the team was suffering a bit from the high of the Northern Bettia win but this squad looked nothing like that team today. In fact Coach Banama realized this as the team went into halftime down 3-0 already as the Gnomes shreaded the webs of the Spider’s defensive styles and emptied the bench in the second half giving the reserves some much needed playing time. Still the benchwarmers could take home some satisfaction as they only allowed two goals in the second half, though it appears the two time champs also let up a bit in the second half.

Next up for the Spiders is the third seed Candelaria And Marquez ranked 27th in the world. The team hopes that the homefield advantage will continue as the Spiders remain undefeated at home while yet to gain a point on the road. With more road matches in the second half of the draw this could be a bad sign for things to come.

More promisingly, another 44,570 sindus were gained by the Jarissian Relief Association during the match. Ironically after an early burst of donors as the match grew more one sided donations trickled off before picking up near the end of the match which some sources indicate may have been as a result of pity for the poor manhandled Spider squad.

Tynelia

05-02-2008, 16:31

“Is this all of them?” Brother James asked Brother Henry as he looked out at the group of people kneeling in front of the net on Saint Michael’s Memorial Field.

“Yes Brother James, six new converts to the path of the Lord of Scores. Three times the usual number for our weekly conversion ceremonies.” Brother Henry added helpfully.

“Ah Brother Henry, the number of converts always rises during the Cup when the Lord of Scores blessings are most eagerly sought after. I suppose we shall begin now.” Brother James added as he looked down at the soon to be new members of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, four men and two women this time. He would have to ask Brother Sister Emily if that was a record for female converts in one session. Tucking that away in his mind to worry about later Brother James began the ceremony.

“My children. It has come to my attention that each of you have read the sacred texts of the Lord of Scores and have now both seen and embraced His light. Is this not true?” he asked.

“Yes, Brother James.” The six replied having been coached beforehand as to who would be performing the ceremony. Brother Harold liked things to to smoothly which was why he was always put in charge of these types of things.

“So are you ready to face ridicule from the blind and follow His ways? Are you ready to stand with your head held high knowing that in the end our truth will be proven to be a universal truth to all?”

“Yes Brother James.”

“Are you prepared to cast aside your ambitions that the Lord of Scores be served? Are you ready to help your fellow Tynelian even if they still remain blind to the truth?”

“Yes Brother James.”

“Do you see that the Lord of Scores is the one true path to victory and salvation? That only through His benevolence will success ever be achieved?”

“Yes Brother James.”

“Do you acknowledge that the Prophetess Margaret is the voice through which His truth was first revealed and that the sainted Michael now sits by his side in the loand of Penalty Kicks watching our faith in Him grow daily?”

“Yes Brother James.”

<monks approach each of the six with plain monkly robes like the rest are wearing>

“Then I welcome you all Brother Alan, Brother Timothy, Brother Sister Helga, Brother Julius, Brother Sister Andrea and Brother John into the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy. For three months you shall serve as initiates into the order after which time you shall be asked again if this is the path you wish to choose. Those whose faith may not be strong enough for this final step shall be free to step down as the Lord of Scores does not seek forced worship, He prefers to leave that sort of thing to other false religions as proof of their falsehoods. Don your robes my Brothers and Brother Sisters, and come join your brethren for our meal.”

The six obediently threw the offered robes over their clothing and followed Brother James inside. One of them Agent Halliway, knew that a big promotion was in the works if he could find and destroy the secrets of this cult. Agent Jones had promised him after all. A mission assigned by Agent Smith himself. No novice Agent ever had such an opportunity and Agent Halliway was not about to waste it.

Candelaria And Marquez

05-02-2008, 16:58

Later…

The vastness of the Millerman Sheppard Stadium stunned her into silence. Sukie had seen it on the telly, of course, and looming over Songstress whenever she’d had the need to enter that part of Albrecht. But now, sitting inside it, with more than forty thousand screaming fans… That by international standards this was a diddy little ground was an incredible thought; for the MSS alone provided as great a range of noises and colours – not to mention smells – that she felt she’d ever experienced in her life. And the scale of it all…

The Candelariasians and Wavispans looked so tiny. What was the point of all this when you could hardly see what was going on? Nobody else seemed to mind though. Some weren’t even paying attention, just jumping up and down and chanting and waving their banners. Most were seated though, and watching the little blue men intensely. This was obviously an important bit.

The Wavispans only had numbers on their backs, and it looked like they were right to remain anonymous. Every time any one of them had attempted to leave their own half they were being charged down by an eager C&M striker.

Oh! The number three had attempted to hoof – that was the word, wasn’t it? – the ball out of the area, but succeeded only in hitting Ramiro Novo in the face. The big forward looked surprised for a moment – and who could blame him? – but took control of the ball and pushed past the number five. Were you really supposed to use your arms like that? Novo hit the ball on and the goalkeeper dived forwards in attempt to gather it up. But Novo was too quick, and he was able to get a toe to the ball and roll it beyond the number one’s grasp.

Just as it looked like the ball would bounce off the upright, Novo got to it and pushed it into the opposite corner.

The man sitting next to her jumped to his feet. His speech was garbled, but she grasped that that had been his third goal – part of a hat-trick – and the score was three goals to one goal. It was his eighth goal in six international games. That was apparently very good indeed.

Novo picked up a cat and stroked it thoughtfully. And the final whistle blew.

And that was… odd. Was that how it had…? She couldn’t remember. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember much at all. She was in the Millerman Sheppard Stadium; she was watching a football match, but… Why?

She put the thought out of her mind as the next game started, and felt herself rise up with the bulk of the crowd to roar the Candelariasian and Nire and Nire players onto the pitch. Was that right? Yes, obviously it was. C&M played at the MSS. Everyone knew that. Matteo Corradini had the ball near the centre-circle – and didn’t the local Albrecht FC fans love it? – and slid a beautiful pass through to José Felipe Thingy Domingos. The extensively-named one found his way blocked by the number three, and elected to loft a kick across the pitch in the general direction of Ignacio Vélez.

Vélez took the ball down off his chest. Several thousand fans took the ball down off their chests. Sukie Rohaert took the ball down off her chest. So this was what it was like, watching your team? Forty thousand backseat drivers, living every moment, every pass… Vélez hit the ball into the crowd of players in front of goal.

Sukie muscled her way through the throng of Nire players and got her head to the ball.

Ramiro Novo muscled his way through the throng of Nire players and got his head to the ball.

She scored, he scored, they all scored and then they scored again. And again.

The goals were the thing, and Sukie knew she needed more of them. The players left the pitch and then came back on again and off again and on… The crowd changed, the players changed, millisecond after millisecond. Only Sukie remained in her seat as the faces and the seasons changed. Even now, they weren’t changing enough, but there was nothing she could do about that. Even here, there were some things than steadfastly refused to make sense.

And she saw the Candelariasians put five past Valanora. The saw them loose to the Holy Sultanate of East Kingdomshire 7-1. She saw players drop dead with exhaustion, but somehow it didn’t seem to matter. Barely within the perception of the human eye, the pitch spewed forth generation after generation of C&M internationals, fans, officials… She saw their greatest victories; the time when little Gabriel Kavanagh and Dominic Ball combined to score that goal in the 12th World Under-17 Cup final against the Neo-Conservative Republic of Ariddia. The saw the time when Annabel Farmer fumbled a late effort from Fionnaghuala Dhong and the much-hyped Candelariasian Ladies fell to defeat to Sorthern Northland in their first Olympic final on home turf.

Sukie saw John… Smith, or something, score the penalty against Joe… Smith, which took C&M to the finals once more after years in the wilderness. The players were becoming dimmer now, though. Whole seconds were going by without a game. Occasionally a striker would look up at her, appealing for instructions. She would look at him, or her, hopelessly, and the player would shrug before fading from existence. She… She struggled, she gasped for air, and forced her aching body out of the plastic seat it had been frozen in for decades.

She woke up, and blinked twice, and screamed.

Disappointingly, that didn’t make things a whole lot better...

Northern Bettia

05-02-2008, 17:51

Anyuna, capital of Northern Bettia, and a city of many contrasts. Some parts of it, and let's be blunt here, are a bit shit, run down through neglect ever since the Gogs rolled in to fill the void left by the departing Bedistanis. Mountains of litter and other unmentionable stuff is piled up on street corners, attracting rats, foxes and (for some reason) owls. Disease is rife amoungst the poor families forced to call this hellhole home, struggling to earn a living in desperate conditions. Life really is miserable for these poor souls...

But let's not depress ourselves by bothering about them. Instead, let's cheer ourselves up and turn our attention to the rather swish up market surroundings of the city's business district. Here, the rich elite rub shoulders, doing deals with dodgy sorts carrying large brown envelopes, and inviting sordid-looking ladies into their offices for a spot of lunch. In amoungst this wheeling and dealing, the Northern Bettian FA's brand spanking new offices take pride of place in a lavishly landscaped spot next to a small lake.

In his office, the Fire Ants manager Iwan Obani pours over his team roster, thanking his lucky stars that he picked such a large squad. Five games into the qualifying campaign, and so far ten of his players have picked up red cards.

"Bloody card-happy facist bastards," he muttered under his breath as he drew yet another red line through a name on his list. "It's a bloody conspiracy against us. They're scared of us. They'll do anything..."

His verging-on-the-paranoid rambling was swiftly interrupted by a loud knock on his door.

"Come in!"

The door opened, and in walked his assistant Baron Vendredi hauling a large suitcase with one hand and carrying a small gift-wrapped package in the other.

"Baron! Where the hell have you been?"

"Attending a voodoo witch doctor conference on an anonymous international supervillain's secret tropical island, of course. Why d'you ask?"

"I'm asking because we're almost halfway through qualifying and we're doing shit. Our players keep getting sent off!"

"Why are they getting sent off?"

"According to the media, it's for 'repeated violent conduct, simulation of injury and unsportsmanlike conduct'. Complete and utter bollocks if you ask me. Everyone knows we always play fair."

"Hmmmm. I may have the answer for that... but first, I have a little something for you." the Baron said, grinning and holding out the package. "Open it."

"What is it?"

"Just a little souvenir."

Curious, Obani opened it and pulled out a glass dome with a small plastic model of a hollowed-out volcano.

"It's a snow-dome," said the Baron.

"Yes, I can see that" Obani replied.

"Cool, huh?"

"Sure, whatever. So you spent your time off constructively then."

"Sure. I got a wicked tan!"

"A tan?! But your face is covered in make-up! Whaddya want a tan for?"

"Gotta look my best for the ladies, ain't I?"

"Right. Of course. Anything else?"

"Actually, I did learn one or two nifty little tricks. Call your secretary in and I'll show you."

Sighing and more than a little confused, Obani buzzed his intercom and a few seconds later, a rather buxom blond entered the room. The Baron beckoned her to walk to him, and as she did so he fixed her with a stare.

"You are feeling sleepy," he said in an unconvincing stage-hypnotist voice. "You are feeling veeery sleepy. You are falling under my power. You are now under my control."

The blond just stood there, not saying anything, barely moving, with a blank expression on her face (although that was nothing new for a Northern Bettian blond).

"When I click my fingers," the Baron continued, "You will believe you are a chicken for exactly one minute."

With that he clicked his fingers. At first nothing happened, but then the blond started to make a crowing sound and walked around the room, bobbing her head, flapping her arms and scratching at the floor with her foot. After the minute had passed, she suddenly stopped and looked around, confused.

"Thank you, that'll be all," Obani said, motioning her to leave. As she closed the door behind her he looked over at his assistant.

"There. What d'ya think?" the Baron asked.

"Hmmm, pretty good, but I'm not sure turning our oponents into chickens for a minute at a time when win us many games."

"I was thinking more along the lines of hypnotising referees into giving every decision our way. Every bone-crunching foul will go unpunished. Every blatant dive will be rewarded with a free-kick, or better. Every protest made by our players will result in a booking or a red card for the opposition."

Obani laughed heartily. "You sly old devil! You really think you can pull that off?"

"Yeah, why not? Might seem a little desperate, but hey, we've got a World Cup to win. We should've won it last time but we were cheated out of it - well it won't happen this time!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 4

01: Az-cz.....................HOME.......L 2-3
02: Candelaria And Marquez....Away.......L 0-4
03: Wavispa...................HOME.......W 6-1
04: Jariss....................Away.......L 0-3
05: Nire and Nire.............HOME.......W 4-1
06: Endmile...................Away.......
07: Gweridijongya.............HOME.......
08: Az-cz.....................Away.......
09: Candelaria And Marquez....HOME.......
10: Wavispa...................Away.......
11: Jariss....................HOME.......
12: Nire and Nire.............Away.......
13: Endmile...................HOME.......
14: Gweridijongya.............Away.......

Sorthern Northland

05-02-2008, 18:44

“To my fellow Bostopians – let's resume normal business. To my allies – thank you for helping my people through this tough stage. To my enemies. Hello. And to a certain nation we're at war with – name a stadium after those who killed me, would you?!? You would talk down my death, the death of my wife and the death of my child and memorialise those who killed us!

Sorthern Northland, prepare to feel Bostopian might in a form you could never have imagined."

A four nil victory for the national team -such as the one against Carcim earlier- would normally be the main news storey in Sorthern Northland.

But not today.

For today words, the words you see at the top of the page, were spoken, and shown again nearly every hour on the nations news channels. And each and every hour the words sounded worse and worse to the Sorthern citizens hearing them.

Would Sorthern Northland as we know it even be around come the Bazalonia game? Or perhaps more likly the end would come at the seventh match of World Cup qualifying. The match against Beer Served Here had been one everyone was looking forward to. Another beer loving nation and the first ever game at the White Cliff stadium in Snowspire.

Now though, people weren't so in love with the White Cliff. If only it had never been built, the people thought. If only it's original name hadn't glamourised the killing of the former Emperor of Bostopia. Then we woudn't be waiting for the inevitable start of the war Bostopia has declared and now Emperor Boston has been resurrected, Swindon (Hell) is likly to become a loveable place before we don't have to worry of a Bostopian attack.

The White Cliff, formaly the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium was fast being thought of as the biggest mistake in Sorthern Northland history.

-------------

*In the presidential office at the Houses of Parliment.

"Ah Ben O'Bagels, welcome. I'm sure you already know your way around this office better than me."

"I woudn't be so sure, President Sheridan. I never really liked working in here to be honest. So how are you finding the Presidency?"

"Well as proud as I am to be leading this fine land of ours, I sure as hell think you chose a great time to leave the office. This Bostopian matter sure isn't the easiest way to start the job."

"And I must apologise for that Jimmy. While the final decision of the stadiums name may have been with the FA, I really should have seen the problems that calling it Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium would have bought."

"That's okay Ben, I can't blame you at all. This nation would be nothing without the hard work you out in over the years."

"Well, thats nice to hear, but it's not the President that makes this country what it is, it's the people. So what plans do you have to deal with Bostopia?"

"What can we do? They have a far superior military, theres no way we can defeat them. I just have to make sure our citizens are prepared for the war and hope the military can hold out long enough to evacuate the cities."

"Evacuate a nation the size of Sorthern Northland? That'll never work."

"Well as the former leader may I ask what you think should be done?"

"Well I agree it will be hard for us to win. But it's possible look at how the Viet Cong and 26th of July Movement succed in the past. Our best chance in an invasion would be gurilla warfare."

"And what if there is no invasion? Bostopia has nuclear weapons I understand."

"Well in that case, I guess all we can do is to repel the attacks as best as we can, knock out as many of their rockets, weapons and planes or whatever heading our way as we can."

"If only their was something we could do to avert warfare."

"Maybe there is, Sheridan."

"What do you mean?"

"Well what if I offered myself as a prisoner of Bostopia in exchange for the withdrawral of their military threats?"

"What!? That'll never work. For a start I'm sure they won't withdraw the declaration of war just becuase you hand yourself over and..."

"Think about it, I'm a national hero here, anyone who is a national hero in a communist country is surely dispised in Bostopia. They'll see it as a huge victory if they have me as a prisonor."

Maybe so, but they'll still be hellbent on doing as much damage to Sorthern Northland as possible and they'll almost certainly kill you anyway."

"I coudn't care less. I'm prepared to die for the Sorthern Northland cause."

"What the hell are you trying to do? Become a communist martyr or something?"

------------------

Newspaper of the Univerity of the Bleeding Obvious
It's the UotBO's campus newspaper.

The University of the Bleeding Obvious has today announced a link with The Random Stuff department at the University of the United Islands, Ad'ihan's leading university.

Speaking about the historic link Professor Lerioulious said, "I am very excited about this partnership with the Random Stuff department at the University of the United Islands, it will really help us in our projects, I hear they have uncovered some significant results to do with the media of Taeshan, something we are very excited to hear."

In other university related news Professor McGregor, a failed chef has annouced that he is looking to start reserching whether undercooked and overcooked food is more likly to make a person ill than food that is cooked properly. Professor McGregor is looking for students to help with the project. Students will be doing tasks such as preparing the food used in the experiments as well as actually seeing whether undercooked and overcooked food do in fact cause illnesses.

Dancougar

05-02-2008, 18:52

"Ugh, so symbolic chickenry failed," muttered Peter, watching as a handful of chickens bounced about the dorm room in the makeshift pen he'd set up in the corner. "This makes things difficult."

"Speaking of difficult, have you called the plumber yet?" asked Russ.

"I'm getting to that, I still need to figure out what to do about Bettia," Peter replied, turning to his computer. "After that last game, everyone says we're going to get bushwhacked. What do they play again?"

"Oh geez, Spiceroad was talking about that last night," said Russ, leaning back in his chair trying to remember. "A 2-3-5 or something ridiculous. They shoot first, shoot later, and shoot some more while the goalie is trying to figure out which way is forward."

"That bodes well," frowned Peter, turning back to the chickens, one of which had managed to get its beak stuck in an empty soda bottle. "I'm forecasting doom, with lightly scattered pain in the second half."

"Well, you have all the chickens you want, do something about it," said Russ. "Even just to get them out of here. Eventually one of them will coincide with a decent result and lead to a faulty statistical analysis and corresponding white paper."

"Vay ahett of you!" exclaimed Professor von Steuben, handing Peter his latest publication.

"Niiiiice!" Peter said, high fiving von Steuben.

"How do you keep getting in here, are you a ninja or something?"

Meanwhile...

"I trust your highness is not going to enjoy the match against Bettia. They are, after all, the highest ranked team in the group. And they do quite enjoy attacking."

"Yes, so I've heard," said King Daniel, stroking his beard. "But these games against the leaders are really hurting us in the standings. I'm not sure if we'll be able to repeat against Taeshan, either, the way we've played on the road."

"Perhaps, your highness, if the stadium groundskeepers were to inadequately trim the grass, it might slow down the Bettian forwards a little and help steer the ball in our favor?"

The king smiled and walked down the hallway. "There are pitches in worse condition, to be sure," he said, winking at his aide, who bowed and slipped away to relay the order.

Az-cz

05-02-2008, 19:32

Amda-Mo: That's what we like to see, a complete domination, albeit of a bit undermanned Jariss squad, 5-0.

Lur-Mn: Indeed our first shutout of the competition was a welcome sight to see.

Amda-Mo: First lets talk about how we established control of the game.

Lur-Mn: Well Hu-35 really took control of the game. He put himself well on his way to the first full level international hat trick of his career early in the game scoring in the 17th and 26th minutes. With the back line having firmed up some that was a big blow for the Spiders.

Amda-Mo: How about the play of the defense today?

Lur-Mn: Well Jariss isn't Bettia, but they did just put in three goals in a thrashing of Northern Bettia, so it's definitely a performance that means somethng. A lot of it seemed to be comfort. The players have a better sense of where each other will be, which is really important. And they've also made some progress in figuring out how to stop the air plays, which was where a lot of the trouble was. The back line is incredibly short so that is causing some problems.

Amda-Mo: How about the balanced nature of this attack? Right now we've had a lot of different scorers, with 10 different players in the books. Is that better than having one or two players doing most of the work?

Lur-Mn: It can be. I think it's great news for us in particular because we know we have players like Seoula and El-Iot who can create plays on their own, so having a balanced attack will really cause problems for other teams. However for some squads who lack a true star striker it's not the best thing because then it becomes much more a matter of luck.

Amda-Mo: So how would you rate our progress at this point?

Lur-Mn: Right where we should be, which is to say better than I expected. As the two time defending champs, unless you get bad luck you should be much better than the rest of your group and should be fairly dominant. The main problem with that assumption, however, is that it assumes you play to your full potential. It would be very easy for a squad like ours to give up some points here and there by overlooking opponents. There are few teams in the tournament we can beat without effort. I think a lot of the credit for that has to be given to Kor-Lash. He's done a superb job so far in following in the footsteps of the two legendary coaches.

Amda-Mo: Alright, who else did well on the fifth day of play?

Lur-Mn: The biggest suprise would have to be Demot's thrashing of the Monks. Not cause they won, but how they did it. To put on that kind of performance is very impressive. It makes their draw at Magnus Valerius all the more perplexing. Other notable results include Taeshan earning what some are calling an undeserved tie with Alasdair I Frosticus, Squornshelous winning at Wentland and Bazalonia's huge win over Sel Appa.

Amda-Mo: Indeed, despite the replacement of our former coach and hero Caine Hawdon it's nice to see the Bazalopes doing so well.

Lur-Mn: Yeah. My friends who played under Caine think the world of him and were sad to see him pushed out like that, but he didn't seem to disturbed by it so we can forgive the Bazalopes for doing it.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the Bazalopes lets see where they rank on today's top six.

Lur-Mn: Well they're in some very rare company as most of the top six is still comprised of the recent champions.

6. Zwanzug

While Zwangzug has certainly vaulted themselves into very elite company they're probably the least famous of the six. Which says something considering their performances in recent cups. But the five ahead of them are the home of the WCC president and the past four different champions. They've been winning but not nearly with the ease as the rest of this list. But five-for-five is still nice.

5. Bazalonia

It's always hard when going on the road to beat a fine team like Sel Appa can't get you above fifth place, but alas they can't pass any of the teams ahead of them. Despite the coaching change things are going great in Bazalonia. Undefeated with a nice goal differential and their two toughest road games out of they way, no team has done more to aid their qualification hopes than the Bazalopes.

4. Bettia

Another day, another nice win. Any 3-0 road victory is nice, even against a lowly team like Komekong. Not alot else to be said here.

3. Ariddia

The Rouge Et Noirs may not be showing quite the same enthusiasm as in cups past but the skill is still their in abundance. Not much else needs to be said when you pants a former world #1 ranked team 5-0 on their homefield.

2. Squornshelous

While the way they beat Wentland might not have been the result certainly was. Beating a team as good as Wentland on the road is a big deal. The Psychoes are looking good. Still probably the most impressive team so far.

1. Az-cz

But we're still the number one team. Just keep rolling along. This is the only place our fans expect us so it's nice to stay here as long as we can.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. We've gotten used to our time at the top. The longer we stay there the better. Because who knows when a country will go the way of Bedistan.

Lur-Mn: Thankfully it's not a concern for now.

Amda-Mo: Indeed not. Our concern for now is what could be a tricky visit to Nire and Nire. Hope to see everyone then.

The Archregimancy

05-02-2008, 19:48

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Pazhujeb Islands Side Asked to Leave Archregimancy

Fellow nations: we rejoice that our anonymous national team have been given the opportunity to test themselves against a team as strong as Demot, and while the final score - a 4-0 home loss - may initially appear to reflect badly on our own team, truly we are thankful that we have been humbled, as we are unworthy sinners who take no victory for granted.

Contrary to reports that the Demot side are 'jammy bastards', we saw no evidence to suggest that the squad are either covered in fruit preserves or the product of an illegitimate union.

In other news, the Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod would like to clarify the events leading up to the Pazhujeb Islands national team being asked to leave the Archregimancy overnight. Regrettably, I can confirm that it would appear that not all of the Pazhujebi players converted to the One True Church out of sincere conviction. Indeed, it seems that several players only converted in an attempt to escape oppression in their homeland. Even so, we might have seen fit to let them remain in the Archregimancy in the hope that their conversion eventually became sincere, except that in the wake of the Pazhujeb Islands' 5-0 loss in Demot, it would appear that several Pazhujebi players made contact with members of their homeland's anti-dictatorship resistance in order to smuggle in what have been described as 'voodoo holy books'.

Let me assure all readers of this press release that, contrary to reports in some Ordinary Reality media, the Archregimancy has no plans to extend tolerance to any heretical sect or heathen religion, never mind a demonic necromantic rite like 'voodoo'. Naturally, any Pazhujebis dabbling with these Satanic forces had to leave the Archregimancy immediately.

However, it was not our desire to unreasonably punish those Pazhujebis whose conversion was sincere. Nor did we want to return the squad to their homeland where they faced forced conscription at the hands of a militaristic totalitarian regime. Nor did we want to force a potentially successful squad to break up by only deporting the necromantists. As a result, we have given the entire Pazhujeb Islands national team immediate free passage to the Capitalizt States (sometimes referred to as 'Commerce Heights'), which has already previously offered to grant the Pazhujeb Islands squad permission to use one of their stadia as a neutral venue for Pazhujebi home matches until such time as the political situation in the Islands stabilises.

Meanwhile, we have called back all missionaries from the Pazhujeb Islands, and sincerely seek forgiveness for making such fools of ourselves by believing the sincerety of the entire Pazhujebi squad. Truly, we have been humbled.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Daehanjeiguk

05-02-2008, 21:30

Sports Inquiry - "The Great Debate! - Part 3"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk --- Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Continuing the Great Debate, MBC International is returning the Great Debate to debate the continuing fine and weak points of the Imperial Team's qualification tour! With us today are three men off the street.

: What the %$#&? How am I supposed to have an intelligible debate with three idiots?

Man1: OOGLY BOOGLY!

: Great. Oogly Boogly guy is still here.

Man2: OOGLY POOGLY!

: And the difference between you and him is...?

Man3: TIMMY!

: Well, I have no clue what these people are saying, but I've got a show to do. So the Imperial Team drew away at Green Wombat. Our next match is against the giant tank-riding ... who wrote this %$#& script? *runs off-stage*

Producer: What's going on? Aren't you supposed to be on the set?

: Yes. But I've got three idiots and a %$#& script. What the %$#& is going on?

Producer: First of all, turn off your censor horn so we can hear what you're saying.

: Alright. So I'd like to note that you're the biggest...

*marching band rolls through*

: What the...

*turkey trots through*

: What? I can't even curse now?

Producer: Maybe you should turn on that censor horn. There's too many distractions here. So what's your problem then?

: I've got three idiots sitting on the stage, and a script that sucks %$#&. Is there any reason why?

Producer: The only reason there is. Ratings.

: Go figure?

Producer: MBC International realizes that Western people aren't interested in boring academic debates. They want action, charisma, and...

: Stupidity?

Producer: ...comedy! We've got those idiots on stage to foil your intellect and make our Western audiences laugh.

: Why? I'm not being paid for laughs. I'm paid for intelligence.

Producer: True. But if you've seen the pay budget for MBC International, it's costing us a lot to maintain international broadcasts of MBC to the world than it does for us to broadcast MBC domestically. Because there isn't a market for MBC International. So we've gotta create one.

: Why don't we just get back to broadcasting football matches like we used to?

Producer: Costs too much. Sports announcers are annoyingly picky fellows.

: So what am I going to do with three idiots and a shit %$#&?

Producer: Hm. You might want to get that checked out. You don't to be offending your Western audiences.

: Like I'm not already?

Producer: HEY! What's that camera doing back here? GET BACK ON STAGE!

Man1: OOGLY BOOGLY!

Man2: OOGLY POOGLY!

Man3: TIMMY!

: Oh no! They've got the camera! Run!

Tune in next time for the great zombie run!

Goal Scorers:
4 - Jeong Jihun
2 - Kim Daeeui
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk, Yi Yeongpyo

The Pazhujeb Islands

05-02-2008, 22:26

<Stepping out onto the ground in the Unified Capitalizt States.>

Pav Panithaj: What the HELL just happened?!

Herodotusam Guvidhipa: I don't know man, we just got kicked out of another country.

Panithaj: I didn't even get a chance to pack up my XBox! I had only just bought it a few days ago!

Guvidhipa: Don't get too addicted to modern technology, Pav, it won't go over well back home.

Panithaj: I know, it just sucks. I mean look at my turban! It's so out of whack that I look like a homeless person from Bazalonia!

Jaime Oberlander: Quiet down back there, it's going to be a long walk to Aeropag. I'm in a bad mood; so everyone shut up and walk!

Guvidhipa: <whispering> Way to go, you pissed off coach!

Nagendra Qaltaban: Hey guys, what's going on?

Panithaj: Oh, crap, it's that freshman midfielder. What do you want?

Qaltaban: Oh, you know, just hanging out. What are you guys talking about?

Guvidhipa: Striker stuff.

Qaltaban: Really? Can I join in?

Panithaj: Are you a striker?

Qaltaban: No, but I can make a high pitched noise with my eye that really annoys dogs!

<Qaltaban starts to blow really hard while plugging his nose, he really can make a high-pitched noise out of his eye>

Panithaj: All right, all right, if we tell you what we're talking about will you shut up and leave us alone?

Qaltaban: Sure!

Guvidhipa: We're wondering why we got evicted from the Archregimancy.

Panithaj: Now go away.

Qaltaban: You wondering why? I know.

Panithaj: Seriously?! What?!

Qaltaban: Sure I do. Uimar wrote a letter to Eenadu back home, you know, the newspaper? Well anyways he sent this letter asking for a bunch of copies of the Holy Tome.

Guvidhipa: The Voodoo Tome? No wonder the monks were so pissed at us. What an idiot. I should kick his-

Qaltaban: That's not the half of it. Uimar's an atheist. I know no one on the team really talks to him that much, since he has that speech defect and all, but yeah, he's an atheist. His parents are atheist, too.

Panithaj: Atheist? Then why did he-

Qaltaban: Ask for copies of the Holy Tome? Get this. He has this weird tick where he doesn't like to use toilet paper, like they do out here off-shore, and he doesn't like to use pretkarya leaves like we do back home, either. So any time he takes a dump he wipes with pages of the Holy Tome. Apparently the pages feel good on your bottom... I don't know, you'd have to ask him.

<pause>

Guvidhipa: Are you $#*king @#$ting me?

Qaltaban: Nope. Ask him.

<pause>

Panithaj: Uimar! Uimar Chussadir, where the hell are you?! I am going to kick your ass if this is true!

Uimar Chussadir: H-H-H-Hey guys-s-s-s-s. W-W-W-What's up?

Guvidhipa: Is it true that you don't like to wipe your behind with pretkarya leaves like NORMAL people?!

Chussadir: Th-th-they damage m-m-m-y rectum if I use them-m-m. I'm allerg-g-g-g-gic.

<pause>

Panithaj: Let's kick his ass.

Guvidhipa: Yeah!

Oberlander: Guys! I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF AND QUIT GRABASSING!!!

Dancougar

05-02-2008, 22:37

"Hey Russ, I remembered to punch holes in that box, right?"

"The what now?"

International Package Service
To: Thomas Larson, Hopeless SC National Team Coach
From: Peter Klingenschmidt, University of Helmut

Please open this package promptly. Enclosed is a live (hopefully) chicken, three hockey pucks, a bag of pencil toppers, and one of those little grippy things that make it easier to open jars.

You can do it!

Zwangzug

05-02-2008, 22:53

Belinda answered her office door and immediately stepped back. "Hello?"

"Ms. Littlewood?" The young man at the door extended a hand professionally.

Warily, she shook it. "Yes?"

"Hullo, I'm Lance Corporal Ted Wilson." At her uncomprehending stare he added, "From Bostopia?"

"Oh! Welcome, thank you very much for coming."

"You're welcome."

Ted wandered over to the window and peered down at the green square below. "There's never been a fence down there?"

"Not that I know of."

Sloopy, as he (so all involved presumed) had been dubbed by the various inhabitants, grazed happily, oblivious to the controversy he had created.

"Well, I think we should visit the police," Ted concluded, abruptly turning to face Belinda.

"What?! Am I under arrest?"

"Not at all," he laughed. "Lighten up, okay? Unless you've already asked them?"

"Asked them what?"

"If they have any surveillance footage?"

"They don't."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"How do you know?"

"There isn't any. Civil rights fans are paranoid."

"Won't hurt to ask."

"You're right." It was a better idea than she'd come up with, anyhow, and the last thing she wanted was to be offending the people that had come to help her.

As they walked towards the light-rail stop, she tried to make small talk. "So what's Lance Corporal, like a title?"

"Very much like. It's my rank."

"Ah."

The train came.

"In what?"

"The military."

"...Oh...May I ask why you were assigned here?"

He shrugged good-naturedly. "Order from the top levels."

"Of what?"

"Military. Government. I dunno."

"I was only talking to Center or whoever."

"Alan Sentor?"

"Yeah."

"...He's the Prime Minister."

"...Oh. Well then. Sorry to drag you into this."

"I said relax, okay? This'll be fine."

It was, overall, fine in that there were no negative effects. But Officer Cleary was as unhelpful as predicted. Belinda gained exactly two pieces of knowledge from the experience. The first is that the path of a police dog just learning what those invisible fence things were is generally not a good place to occupy. The second was that the Libertarians, like the Liberal Conservatives (notable for their extensive animal-rights programs) would not be getting her vote in the next election.

Minilla Island West 0
Zwangzug 2 (Maini 17, Vanderpent 53)

The Pazhujeb Islands

05-02-2008, 22:55

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

Get Your Traitorous Behinds Back Here!

WE, THE COMPLETELY-NON-MILITARY-RELATED-AND-ABSOLUTELY LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS OF THE PAZHUJEB ISLANDS, DEMAND THAT THE NATIONAL TEAM STOP TAKING REFUGE IN OTHER COUNTRIES AND COME BACK AT THIS INSTANT!!!

We have heard that you will now "seek refuge" from your patriotic duties in another nation, this time the Unified Capitalizt States. If it was possible for you Purple Pee Urchins (ha ha, it's still funny) to have found a nation more corrupt and vile than the Archregimancy, you have found it in the UCS!

Their capitalist ways are an unmitigated disgrace to the human rights of all in the world, and this is coming from a military general who has raised the minimum conscription time for Pazhujebi citizens to fifty years! On that note, if you traitors don't make like bunnies and get the HELL back here, I'll raise the mandatory conscription time to eighty years! We'll see how popular a team you'll be then!!!

We also have received news through the grapevine that striker Uimar Chussadir has sustained several facial lacerations and injuries during your traitorous journey to the UCS. As you may know, he is the only player of any real value for Akhekhur Island side Therakham ZL. Just to clarify, they are my favorite team, and if their ability to avoid regulation in Ivheshbu A is jeopardized, there will be even more hell to pay!!!

Signed, General Zahabul-Bashar, Executive Supreme Commander of the Pazhujebi Armed Forces

P.S. - If you qualify for the World Cup I'll forgive all of you and buy you packages of the delicious new Alligator-Jerky-Flavored Skittles!

Wentland

05-02-2008, 23:07

Norman Hacker came out of the court room surprisingly upbeat. "Norman, you are having to play the eleven girls in the next match...how do you feel?"

"I'm happy to do so, I was just fighting for the principle. Indeed I was going to pick the girls anyway. Let them show what they can do."

The Blue Tits were a bit less happy. "Great, we're out of practice, jet-lagged after OUR plane was delayed and now we play the top team in the group? Brilliant. How is that fair?"

Captain Rach Horne put the best face on it. "Well, we can't do much worse than the guys..."

***

"It's a strong tackle from Davies...but she's come off worse...she is looking at the bench, I think she wants to come off...Bert Bridges is gesturing that she needs to be substituted..."

Nipper Lawrence was bursting to get on, he had a point to prove from the last game. "Do you want me to replace her, boss?"

Norman Hacker sat back, arms folded, trying to hide a smug look from his face. "No. I can't, can I? That Court order says I must play the girls, it says I can't play you orrible lot. Brilliant, isn't it?"

Lawrence's face fell. "They're going to get slaughtered! Ten against the Pscychoes? For half-an-hour?"

Hacker looked grim. "Let them show what they can do..."

***

They nearly made it. With Davies hobbling around up front for nuisance value Katie Barnfield reluctantly dropped back to cover midfield, but it was not quite enough. There were three minutes left when the goal went in, and the Blue Tits' hearts sank. Squornshelous relaxed and played keepball for the remainder of the game, and Wentland's qualification hopes went up in smoke.

Crash Robinson was the most disappointed. He was going to get his leg pulled when he went back to his club something rotten...

Cafundeu

05-02-2008, 23:54

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DESTRUINDO TABUS COM RAÇA

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/3076/6894449603gavc4.jpg
Cafundéu fought well and won the game

Although the result in the game against Yafor 2 wasn’t so bad (a 0x0 draw under rain), it showed that Cafundéu is far from a perfect team, and has to work hard to win the games. The team has talent, the team has a good strategy, good players. So, if the team works well together, willing to win the games and giving a lot of effort, the Monopolists can surely win every game. The mission is that, work hard in every game and, in the first game after the draw against Yafor 2, the players understood that and got a nice win over Jasīʼyūn.

Changes and Absences: Souza and Neto returns; Lionel and Lobato go to the bench. Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: Jasīʼyūn, the second seed that had a perfect record of two wins against Cafundéu.

Everyone knew that the game against Jasīʼyūn was going to be difficult. Cafundéu faced them in World Cup 37 qualifiers, and lost both games, something that made the road to that World Cup extremely difficult for the Monopolists. So, the game involved much more than getting three points. Cafundéu wanted to defeat this opponent. The press was pressing (curious phrase, isn’t it?) the players to get the result, putting in the headlines phrases like “Win Needed” or “Failing for the 3rd time?” The players knew that a loss could be bad for the NT’s reputation.

THE FIRST HALF: the Monopolists continued having an offensive strategy, attacking with speed and with the use of good passes since the beginning of the game. But this time the team was a bit more cautious, the full-backs didn’t attack that much and Anormal took a much more defensive role. The team was worried with Jasīʼyūn’s counterattacks, as the red-black team was still fighting for its first win over the UCS team (Cafundéu defeated SLANI once, in WC37’s second round, but had never defeated Jasīʼyūn).

Cafundéu’s attacks were good, the ball hitting the post twice before the twentieth minute. First, Anormal crossed the ball to Flecha, who headed and sent the ball to the right post. Later, Marcelinho dribbled three defenders and shot, but the ball hit the left post. Jasīʼyūn replied well, with a long ranged shot by Zurita, but the ball went over the bar. Cafundéu dominated the ball possession, and was closer to score the goal than the opponents. And it finally came. Anormal passed the ball to Marcelinho, who dribbled Chroysalá and crossed the ball to Da Silva, who dominated the ball and shot to score the goal. The game continued good to watch, with both teams trying to score, and with some missed chances, but the result at the end of the first half was 1x0.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Da Silva’s goal): “Marrrrrcelinho rrrrreceives the ball in a good position frrrrrom Anorrrrrmal. Good ball contrrrrrol of the number seven, he faces a defender, nice drrrrribble over Chrrrrroysalá, to the crrrrrossing... Da Silva got it, the defender trrrrries to block him, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrreplay is being prrrrroduced! Da Silva, number eight! Cafundéu one, Jasīʼyūn zerrrrro! Invited for a costume parrrrrty in this year’s Carrrrrnival and is desperrrrrrate because haven’t decided what to wear? Come to Vinícius’s Costumes, the best costume shop in Lasft!”

http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/9012/6894384557gasg4.jpg
Players battle for the ball in Lasft

THE SECOND HALF: the team held the victory in the first half, but the team needed more. A simple win is a difficult result to hold, as one goal can entirely change the situation of the game. Thinking about it, Cafundéu continued attacking in the second half, wanting to score the second goal as soon as possible, to secure the win against a difficult opponent. Ferreira took care of it. With an intelligent pass from Neto, Ferreira found himself with only the keeper to beat, something that he did with style.

There was still game to be played, and Cafundéu needed to continue determinated and working hard to keep the good scoreline. With the entrance of Vergara, the team became more defensive, while Jasīʼyūn made the opposite, becoming more offensive with the entrance of Nerée. They tried to attack to score the first goal. In a good attack, Uölfa dribbled Eduardo Monte and shot to the goal. Lauro made a wonderful save, being praised by the whole team and even by the opponent attacker. And, after the thirtieth minute of the second half, Fabrício killed Jasīʼyūn’s hopes of the game, scoring after getting a rebound. 3x0 for Cafundéu.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Fabrício’s second goal): “Marrrrrcelinho holds the ball well, now with a good pass to Léo Mattos in the right side. The crrrrrossing... Verrrrrgarrrrra heads! Good save of Aggélopoulos! Fabrrrrrício took the rrrrrebound, the goalkeeper is on the grrrrround... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrreplay this one now! Fabrrrrrício, number eighteen! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Jasīʼyūn zerrrrro! It’s time for your childrrrrren to rrrrreturrrrrn to school, and you need to buy the uniforrrrrrm and materrrrrrial. So, come to Lápis e Papel, shop for students!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: it’s true that the media was ready to criticize the National Team in case of loss, but the fact is that the reporters didn’t want to see Cafundéu losing this game. To prove this, when Da Silva scored the first goal of the game, you could see one of the reporters that were standing behind Jasīʼyūn’s goal commemorating a lot. Jumping, shouting, and invading the field to hug Da Silva. Another interesting situation was when the midfielder Martínez, furious because his team mate Li-yun didn’t know what to do with the ball, tackled his own team mate!

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: the win over Jasīʼyūn was very important for the Monopolists. With the result, the team secured the first position in the group, showed that it deserves being the first seed and finally defeated this opponent after 3 games. The coach Franz Braddock said to the press: “At least today it didn’t rain. (laughs) About the game, the team’s performance was the expected one. I wanted to see them fighting for every play and using all their abilities to score. They learnt the lesson, let’s continue this way, I’m sure we can win much more games this way.”

After talking with the coach, I talked with some players who participated in this good result against Jasīʼyūn. The goalkeeper Lauro told me: “The result was very good for us, as the game was more difficult than the last ones, this including the game against Yafor two. But it’s sad to be suspended for the next game, I must give good luck to my substitute Moisés, the water-drinker.” The midfielder Anormal said: “A good performance, I must say that the team learnt how to play football well, you’ll see that this team has a lot to offer.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): for Jasīʼyūn, Chroysalá had a good game. Uölfa had some good chances in the attack, but the only player that really had a performance of the level of the Cafundelenses’ ones was Martínez. For Cafundéu, the two attackers, Da Silva and Anormal had excellent performances. But the best player of the game was surely Marcelinho, who was very good at creating plays.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Lauro save): “ Jasīʼyūn in the attack now, Cafundéu winning the game by two goals. Uölfa with the ball, good drrrrribble over Eduarrrrrdo. Prrrreparrrrres the shot, shoots... Laurrrrrro! Laurrrrro! Laurrrrro! Excellent save by the Cafundelense goalkeeper! The game continues Cafundéu two, Jasīʼyūn zerrrrro! The best prrrrrices you find in Gigantão superrrrrmarrrrrkets, therrrrre is surrrrrely one close to you!”

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/5210/6894416314gazp5.jpg
Marcelinho prepares to shoot against Aggelópoulos

CAFUNDÉU 3x0 UCS JSY

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 209,760 people.
Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair One (The Archregimancy).
MOTM: Marcelinho (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Leandro Cavalo (Augusto César 82’), Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva (Vergara 55’), Marcelinho and Neto; Flecha (Fabrício 67’) and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/1894/jsyax2.png JSY: Aggelópoulos; Li-yun (Britt 73’), Morse, Miller and Chroysalá; Martínez, Gi-gyo, Zurita and MacDonald (Nerée 61’); Uölfa and Hwaŋ-doŋ (Çā-ha 80’).
Coach: Sam Salazar.

Goals:CAF: Da Silva 25’ , Ferreira 53’ , Fabrício 79’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against The Supermarket: Moisés; Léo Mattos, Leandro Cavalo, Everaldo and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Ernest Redorf (Vephrall).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 5 games:

5- Flecha
4- Ferreira
2- Neto, Da Silva
1- Anormal, Marcelinho, Fabrício

Taeshan

06-02-2008, 00:41

" Welcome to insert name here stadium. The home of the hopeless sc wanderers," says maris law" The host of tommorows game against Taeshan. Well today Jack rios the taeshani manager said the team was looking for a win against the wanderers".
" Yes thats right half of the teams in the world cup think the Purple knights will pull this one out," said jake martin.
"we now go to are sports analist's joey and spencer niar," Maris.
"Hi i'm Joey Niar and during tommorows game expect the wanderers to attack our weak middes in the center,"joey.
I'm spencer,"spencer" I think Foalie can keep his own, but smyth and martin may not end it well. We have both predicted a 2-1 knights win and the friendly Ashlaen salamanders to get hkilled."
" In other sports news the other countries in this world cup have verbally attacked the taeshani press,' says Maris"We all have notice the bad writing in the news, but really with the times lack of money they don"t have the money to pay good writers. The world issues will now be handed over to the x island eagle from now on.'
Maris mutters under her breath and curses out those flamers.

Estresse Intenso

06-02-2008, 00:54

PROF. BANGU MELO - "So, will he survive?"

PASCAL - "I'm not sure. My son seems outdated, he is a very old machine. It's difficult to find the right pieces to fix him."

THE WANDERER - "Yes, and I'm not the one that built him. The gnome did that. My knowledge about The Machine is limited."

DR. LANDAU - "We cannot let him die, the Landau Institute team needs him!"

PASCAL - "I know, President."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Excuse me, I am the president, not Rogério."

PASCAL - "I'm sorry, doctor Jesus."

THE WANDERER - "One thing that I can't understand is why The Machine is sick... he's a robot."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "This must be because Pascal gave him human feelings... he is almost human. Only his body that is electronical."

DR. LANDAU - "The stove, you mean."

PASCAL - "Doctor Jesus is right. It is my fault. As a robot, he would never face this kind of problem. He could get broken, but not sick. And I'm sure that the problem here isn't a mechanical problem, is something medical."

THE WANDERER - "So, as he is almost human, he can die?"

PASCAL - "I think so. I put human feelings and made my son think like a person, and now he is paying the price. The situation is delicate. But I'll use my powers to try to save him."

THE WANDERER - "If you gave him all those things, surely you can save him. Use your powers from the Dreamed Realm!"

(knock at the door)

PROF. BANGU MELO - (opens the door) "Hello."

BIBAH - "We've come to talk to President-Professor Jesus Bangu Melo."

GUAXINIM - "We are players of the Terreiro de Ogum National Team."

DR. LANDAU - "Terreiro de Ogum? The independant territory inside Estresse Intenso? What do you want?"

MASTER KACET - "The Landau Institute is passing difficulties, and your president opened the possibility of giving space to Terreiro de Ogum in the World Cup."

THE WANDERER - "What?"

GUAXINIM - "That's right. We want to know if this will happen."

BIBAH - "We're anxious to play."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "This is at Pascal's hands... if The Machine dies..."

The Gupta Dynasty

06-02-2008, 01:11

OOC: Joint post between Sorthern Northland and myself, on IRC.

Raelin Corthar: "This program was aired thirty-three days ago on IYNS. Hello, I'm Raelin Corthar, and I'm with Yaforite national team owner Cinna the Poet, and Sorthern Northlander 'Dear Leader' Comrade Ben O'Bagels."
Ben O'Bagels: "Hello"
Corther: "Mr. O'Bagels, what motivated you to put up statues of Cinna the Poet in Sorthern Northland?"
Ben O'Bagels "Well, I met Cinna at the World Cup draw a couple of months ago and was fascinated by him. We in Sorthern Northland are always looking for role models for our people and I feel Cinna is an exemplary role model and well deserving of being immortalized in a statue alongside great such as James Connolly and myself."
Corthar: "And you, Mr. Cinna?"
Cinna the Poet: "Well, O'Bagels showed not only a keen wit, but also a clear alcohol tolerance level. I found myself joining with him immediately. He's a rather intelligent man. And that trick of downing three bottles at once is also rather impressive."
Corthar: "What particularly do you admire in Cinna the Poet, Mr. O'Bagels?"
Ben O'Bagels "He has a fine way with words and I have to say his stone tablet really interests me."
Cinna the Poet: "Ah, yes, the stone tablet. Always comes in handy, Mr. Corthar. <pulls out the stone tablet, grinning somewhat.> It's quite handy in a pinch, or to throw at an irritating person from Vephrall, I must say.
Corthar: "Where do you plan to go from here with the team, Cinna?"
Cinna the Poet: "I'd like to introduce a lot more discipline and understand of poetry. Beyond that, I really don't have an idea."
Corthar: "And you, Mr. O'Bagels? Where do you plan to go from here?"
Ben O'Bagels: "Well the reason I resigned the presidency of Sorthern Northland was to learn the ways of Cinna. I did consider retiring from football but myself and Cinna feel that we must get the other players into the fine art of poetry."
Cinna the Poet: "Ah, yes, the meters, from choliambic and iambic trimeter, to the glories of dactylic hexameter. Did you do your lessons on iambic trimeter, O'Bagels?"
Ben O'Bagels: "I haven't yet, I'm afraid. Unfortunately I've been helping our new president in his first days in charge with the Bostopia war amongst other things."
Cinna the Poet: "O'Bagels! How could you? Poetry is the highest art, even more so than war! Even though there are some very good poems about war. Hm... <muses>
Ben O'Bagels: "Yes I must say it has given me some great inspiration."
Cinna the Poet: "Your soldiers must be pleased with your new-found interests."
Ben O'Bagels: "Yeah, I've got some of them into poetry and morale amongst the troops in higher than ever."
Cinna the Poet: "They are lucky."
<Raelin Corthar tries to regain control of the interview>
Ben O'Bagels: "Anyone for a beer?"
Corthar: "But, Mr. O'Bagels, surely there are some who disagree with your moves to resign and support Cinna?" <takes a beer> These are very good - one of your good ideas, O'Bagels."
Ben O'Bagels: "I've yet to hear of any complaints."
Cinna the Poet: "Why would anyone complain?" <raises a pilum menecingly.>
Corthar: "No, I never meant anything of that sort, Cinna. I did not."
Ben O'Bagels: "There will always be people who disagree with something I do or say, you cannot keep 100% of the people happy 100% of the time."
Cinna the Poet: "Well put, O'Bagels! I must say, O'Bagels is quite an intelligent man." <continues drinking the beer.>
Ben O'Bagels: "Thank you." <takes a sip of beer, before downing it.>
Corthar: "And what do you plan to do to further your message, both of you?"
Cinna the Poet: "Use any means necessary, naturally." <waves the aforementioned pilum around.>
Ben O'Bagels: "Yeah just keep spreading the word and the drink, you drink?
Corthar: "No, I'm Jakallan. Goes against our religion. Thanks for offering."
Cinna the Poet: "Rather dumb religion, no, O'Bagels?"
Ben O'Bagels: "I would say Atheism is the strongest religion myself, with Cinnaology and Beer vying for second."
Cinna the Poet: "Bah, the gods can be a good source of poetry. Though I agree with the rest." <downs his beer.>
<Ben O'Bagels downs his beer.>
<Cinna the Poet wanders around, woozy>
<Raelin Corthar notes this>
Corthar: "And that's it from here! Former 'Dear Leader' of Sorthern Northland, Ben O'Bagels and owner of the Yaforite national team Cinna the Poet! Thank you for joining us!"
Ben O'Bagels: "Right now who's up for the pub?"
<Cinna the Poet follows Ben O'Bagels out the door>

Bazalonia

06-02-2008, 01:20

"Hey, Caine, I want to show you something..."

Peter Hobble was holding a piece of paper as Caine Hawdon came over to investigate.

"It's the WCQ Group Table, and..."

Group 7 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bazalonia 5 5 0 0 15 1 +14 15
2 Sorthern Northland 5 4 0 1 16 7 +9 12
3 Sel Appa 5 3 1 1 11 3 +8 10
4 Ad'ihan 5 3 0 2 9 4 +5 9
5 Beer Served Here 5 2 1 2 6 7 −1 7
6 Dinos Pizza 5 1 2 2 6 19 −13 5
7 Minilla Island 5 0 0 5 2 13 −11 0
8 Carcim 5 0 0 5 0 11 −11 0

"If you notice something... Look at the Goals Against..."

"Yeah, we only had that one goal scored against us by Ad'ihan all the others our defense has held up strong."

"Don't you think that's a little strange? I mean we're ranked 21st in the world we are an attacking team almost as with every other team in the world cup and our defense has only let in a single goal?"

"Sorry, I'm not getting your point."

"Squornshelous there the only other team to have 1 goal against there name, no one's defense is good enough to get 0. And they're basically all-out attack."

"You think there is a Karelan conspiracy with Squornshelous and us?"

"But who could slip a va'karela into the dressing room? or whatever?"

"Who knows, I'm going to ring Andrew Coulter and see what happens."

"But if there is a secret Karelan conspiracy, they're actually doing something good for the team."

"Yeah, but I don't know, either case I'm not turning a blind eye to the manipulation of our team just because 'we are doing well'. IF there is they are totally underminding the structure of football as it should be.

Casari

06-02-2008, 02:55

"Balls on a cross!" Muttered Raymond Barisa, Casaran goalkeeper.

"What is it?" Hill said, tilting her head and glancing into the keeper's locker.

"I don't have the bloody change kit." He said, sitting back and sighing.

"Just borrow one." Danialson said, shrugging.

"From who? William?" Raymond asked, turning to look at the reserve keeper- easily sixty pounds lighter than the first team keeper and looking slightly confused by the whole affair. "It won't matter, it's not my number anyway."

"Wait, that's what you're worried about? That your number will be wrong? You're such a tool."

"What?"

"I'll be back in five minutes." Hill said, sighing and walking out of the locker room.

"Where the hell is she going?"

---

The kit was a bit big, but the fan in the stands didn't seem to mind spending the entire match in his skivs, placated by the promise of the kit being returned autographed after the match (and then more than likely sold online, but hey, to each their own). It was about the right size, and performed admirably on the field. After Raymond let in an early goal, The replica kit (and his trademark newsboy cap, of course) gave him the power to resist further scoring chances, locking Casari in to a 2-1 victory.

---

As Raymond peeled off the jersey and tossed it back to the fan (to a number of cheers by the female travelling fans, of course), Hill trotted over. "So, are you going to thank me?"

"Huh? For what?"

"From saving yourself from drawing a number on your back and playing in your jock, of course."

"Pfft, that wouldn't have been that bad."

"Oh, it wouldn't? You wouldn't mind doing it next match then."

"... well..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Hill said, turning and strolling towards the tunnel.

Raymond swore under his breath. He was stuck in a bit of a corner now.

Bostopia

06-02-2008, 03:08

“And the plane carrying Ben O'Bagels is about to enter Bostopian airspace. You can of course track the aircraft using the map in the bottom left corner of the screen.”

Four fighter planes come into view, then began circling the plane.

“Looks like the Air Force is giving him a welcome of their own.”

The fighters then fell into formation, providing an armed escort into the country.

“From their flight path, it looks like they're planning to cross over as little as Bostopia as possible, though O'Bagels pilot appears to disagree.”

The lead pilot opened a channel.

“This is Marshal of the Bostopian Air Force Denfeld (it was a large family) of the Bostopian Air Force. Demand you change your flight route and follow my plane, over.”

“Cannot comply, the Bostopian Aviation Authority maps clearly state my course is a designated flight path.”

Denfeld let loose a burst of cannon, intentionally missing the plane but showing the pilot they meant business. Following that, his plane swooped up above the plane O'Bagels was in, and turned upside-down. Denfeld was looking down into the pilots eyes as he spoke.

“BAF overrules BAA, suggest you comply.”

Denfeld returned to his “up-right” position and throttled infront of O'Bagels plane, changing course to take the plane away from the west coast of West Isle.

The pilot of O'Bagels' plane wisely followed.

---Fort Boston Plaza, Castle and Park Ward, Fort Boston, Fort Boston State, East Isle, Bostopia---

“And after the six hour flight – two longer than a straight path – O'Bagels plane landed at Fort Boston International. While we haven't seen him yet, a van pulled up to the cargo bay a while ago, and yes, we have had movement from the van, it's currently heading toward Fort Boston Plaza and is only about three minutes away.”

As Griffis finished his sentence, the Fanfare to Bostopia sounded, followed by the Empirical Anthem, signalling the arrival of Emperor Boston and the Empress, leading to a resounding cheer from the crowd, as they stepped up to the podium set up outside the Castle gates.

A white van pulled up beside the podium.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I am -”

“Like, not now! This isn't the time for your tag-team fantasies!”

“If I remember rightly it was a two-on-one handicap match, not a tag-team match.”

“Like, a two-on-one handicap tornado match or two-on-one handicap tag match?”

“A... it doesn't matter.”

“So totally right.”

“Yes. Anyway, those of you in the crowd will remember my comments regarding Sorthern Northland. Well, it would appear that someone from Sorthern Northland has some ill-placed courage. He's with us now.”

Emperor Boston walks to his left, opens the van's rear doors, and wheels out what appears to be a human-being sized cage surrounded by a black curtain.

“I present to you, Ladies and Gentlemen, the first member of the “Zoo of Communists”. We all know animals such as these belong only in zoos.”

Emperor Boston pulls the curtain off, revealing Ben O'Bagels, former President of Sorthern Northland trapped in the cage, looking worse for wear.

He whispered to his wife - “Wait for these pictures to get across.”

“Of course,” he said, now speaking to the crowd, “the more people who see a creature like this, the more people will be educated as the to nature of this particular red beast.”

And with that, the cage was hooked up to a golf cart, and O'Bagels journey around central Fort Boston began.

Blouman Empire

06-02-2008, 03:20

2-2 Draw Sees Empire's Hopes Fade
Injury Time Goal Sees Empire Stay in Qualifying contention

The empire could only manage a 2-2 draw against Magnus Valerius sending the empire down to 6th after Scotchpinestan won 5-2 against the Evil Polaks. The scoring started in the 25th minute when the Magnus slotted an easy goal past the defence and a penalty kick awarded to Magnus after a late tackle by defender William Walker gave the opposition the goal in the 35th minute. After the break the Empire with only managing 5 shots on goal in the first half picked up their pace but failed to place any balls in the back of the net. 62 minutes in the game changed direction with the Magnus have the run of play and taking many shots on goal but due to some excellent saves by Burner the Magnus failed to score. With only 6 minutes left, the empire broke through the defence and managed to get a goal with Speed managing to place the ball into the top right hand corner. In the 93rd minute the team managed from a corner an excellent kick by Lightfoot went to Filmar's head and he expertly put it between the posts. The result gave the empire an extra point but with Pazhujeb Islands managing a draw with Jerusalem and Scotchpinestan knocking up a result sees the empire drop to sixth on the table now three points from third place and 8 points from first placed Demot

Blouman Empire

06-02-2008, 03:50

Recording From Dressing Room

Manager Luke Danner: Alright boys listen up this is an important game for us here it is esstiantal that we win against Scotchpinestan otherwise we might as well go home because a loss tonight will mean that we will have no chance of qualifying, I don't need to stress the importance of this game but we must get a result today, Scotch has had two wins and three losses lets see if we can give them a 4th loss.

Team:Yeah lets do it

Captain Sam Kiamar: We must win now I know we can do it we have been practicing and going through set pieces and tactics. We all know that we are great players and I think we haven't played too well because this is our first time playing international we must get past this and play like we would always play. Now lets push ourselves and get the win today

Team: Alright

Danner: Ok now then we have someone just outside the change-rooms who wants to have a quick word with you

FFB President Johnathon Jollip: Hello boys good to see you again, now I know you have a big game to prepare for so I will keep this short, we still support you and believe that you can qualify we have seen you play and know what you are capable of that is why you have been selected for this team. We would like to see you qualify and we will therefore increase your qualifying bonus by 50% that is from the current 10000 Herzogs or equivalent to your individual home currency to 15000 Herzogs.

Mumer from the team

Jollip: Good luck for this game boys I will be watching and cheering you on and good luck for the rest of the qualifying round

Elves Security Forces

06-02-2008, 03:56

This is your Cut Off point

Taeshan

06-02-2008, 05:09

A minute with dave rather
You no i'm not one to brag or pick fights, but todays game against the hopeless sc wanderers was sopposed to be an easy win. The game was on a sunny afternoon, but stormclouds arrouse just as the purple knights arrived at the field. The star striker for th knights zeke was complaining of a stomach problem, and he was dismissed from the game. The knights would go scoreless the whole game with out h[I]m although Tad montague in goal played a fantastic game in goal. You look at the group to standings on any world cup sight and you will see us still ihird after the draw, but you will also see us 5 points out of a world cup bid. I'm no angel myself, but this cup has just been an awful one for the knights although better then the last. The knights play vephrall i belive in the next game and if we dont win this one the knights will have assured there demise.

Qazox

06-02-2008, 05:37

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 6: @ Estresse Intenso
Estresse Intenso 0
QAZOX 1

Sherlene Scheppe continues to set records, as she becomes the first Pheonix/Black Oxen keeper ever to record 3 straight shutouts. Her scoreless streak now sits at 351 minutes, also a new team record.

Kallie Jaus returned to the starting lineup and scored the game winning goal in the 72nd minute, off a crossing pass from Letta Smicht. A bit of controversy occured in the 86th minute when Jaus and a just subbed in Augusto Mirtilo almost came to blows over a hard tackle by Mirtilo. Both players received a yellow card, and the match ended with the 1-0 scoreline.

Up next for the Pheonix is a trip back home for Zwangzug, currently ranked 8th in the world. These two teams have had some history, as in WC 34, Zwangzug swept the then Black Oxen, leading to the last non-World Cup appearance, while in WC 36, the Pheonix got revenge, sweeping Zwangzug. This match is one of the most anticipated in the qualifers, as the Pheonix seek to insert themselves into the elite, while Zwangzug looks to remain perfect in the group.

Summary:
Qazox: Lara Rectenwald (Yellow Card- 68')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (GOAL- 72')
Estresse Intenso: Subsitutuion (Augusto Mirtilo in for Professor César Selic- 85')
Estresse Intenso: Augusto Mirtilo (Yellow Card- 86')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (Yellow Card- 86')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 3
Huhman- 2
Tarricone- 2
Valladores- 2
Farmwald- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-2 (will miss the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
RED:
none

Prux

06-02-2008, 05:52

"LIVE from Quakmybush, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Quakmybus for Match 6 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Quakmybush, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "Quakmybush currently lead our group and the Prawns are in fourth place, just points out of qualifying."

RJ: "Quakmybush has rather been quiet of late, sneaking past most teams radars and here they come."

<plays the Quakmybush national anthem>

RJ: "And I can't repeat what the crowd is chanting, but it rhymes with Prux!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts throwing bottles of beer>

Coach: "Come on now! At least throw empty bottle of beer!"

RJ: "We don't need a Hot Rock sighting here in Quakmybush.. even Mr. Nicnann could'nt afford the bail money.. and here we go..."

<cut to 11th minute>

RJ: " and Chris Jerusalem, starting instead of Mikey James, in order to improve the offense has scored to make it 1-0 Prawns!"

Coach: "A well-thought out plan by Mr. Nicnann, changing the normal formation into an attacking one. Brilliant!"

RJ: "I agree with you there Coach, this attacking form has thrown off Quakmybush and Jerusalem's speed could be the key..."

<cut to 90th minute>

RJ: "OH MY DOG!!!! I can't believe it! An own goal by Ray Mystery, as he tried a 916 to prevent the cornerkick from slipping past Norton, but instead knocked it in tying the match at 1-1!"

Coach: "Mr. Nicnann is furious and he's drug Mystery completely off the field and into the locker room!"

RJ: "Michael Cold quickly trotts onto the field to prevent the Prawns from being a man down, but the match is over!"

<END of match>

RJ: "A very dissapointing 1-1 draw for the Prawns in a macth they clearly dominated from the get go. Up next is a visit back home in Pruxton against Rugiero. For Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you in Pruxton!

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen- 4 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-3
Hedge- 2 (1- pk)
Jason Brian Layden- 1
Rick Bowley- 1 (pk)
James Nobel- 1

Green wombat

06-02-2008, 06:01

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS lose on 2 late goals to Ulzaxid.

William Diehl scored just 5 minutes into the match and for 80 minutes afterwards, the wombats lead held. But either due to lousy backfield play or the unwillingness to attempt to increase the lead earlier, the cautious play came back to bit the wombats in the proverbial butt. Ulzaxid managed to score win the 85th and 88th minutes, turning a possible victory into a crushing defeat.

Up next for the Wombats is a trip to Krytenia. A win could move the team up to 4th in the group, while a loss could drop them down to 7th.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Danica Howes- 1

Dancougar

06-02-2008, 06:02

ANNOUNCER: This... is Sportscenter!
SCOTTY: The Aroras of Bettia, roaring into Dancougar for a World Cup draw that could set the tone for the rest of the Wings' campaign. A hard fought match in Yuki City, with big shots and bigger saves. We'll bring you all the highlights, including the frantic final ten minutes you don't want to miss.
HIGHLIGHT: Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!

(Game clips, player close-ups, da na na, da na na!)
SCOTTY: Sportscenter, always fresh, always worth it. I'm Scotty Furr, with me as always, Kenneth Prime. Ranked thirteenth in the world and sitting atop Group B, Betta looking to extend its run to six wins in six matches against the Dancougar Black Wings, a combined two losses, no goals, eight goals against versus teams in the top thirty.
KENNETH: But with the home crowd behind them, the Wings hoped to get their qualifying campaign back on track, to the field we go!

(Highlights play as the voiceover continues.)
KENNETH: Red banners brought to the far end of the field, security actually had them removed at the request of the Bettian staff, showing some good sportsmanship there. We jump right into the action, eighth minute, Alun Morris takes a crack from twenty yards out, Hawkins is screened, but makes the save, punches it wide. Hawkins given the nod over Price, who some thought should get the start after his poor performance against Vephrall.
SCOTTY: Bettia coming with a pyramid formation, five attackers looking for space and forcing the Wings back into their own half. Llifon Rhys shoots wide in minute thirteen, and four minutes later, Yanara's header grazes the post on its way out. Half an hour in, surprisingly, Bettia held scoreless.
KENNETH: Minute thirty six, Dancougar still playing in its own half, and they finally give in. Nance misses his marking and Rhys gets an opening inside the eighteen, Hawkins has no chance, and it's one-nil. Take a look again, Nance drawn away by M'an Gwent making a run into space, and the ball comes in for Rhys, who's left unmarked in lethal range.
SCOTTY: Second half, now, and Betta looking to put the game away. Akim al-SI~ka~MI~ya, pounds it home, but wait, the flag is up! Look again, al-Sikamiya gets a little jump on the play, he beats Barclay by a step, and the ball, too.
KENNETH: Seventieth minute, Pat French looking to shore up the defense, or is he? Brings off Jon Holmes and sends on Hikaru Waya, an attacking midfielder, so perhaps we'll see more from him. Hideo Ikeda, kept quiet for most of the game, takes a shot here, Jaffar pushes it wide. But the Wings starting to creep up and take a few chances. Morimoto from twenty five, Jaffar the save, but the momentum clearly shifting. Dominica comes on for Travers, fresh legs at the back to keep that Betta attack at bay.
SCOTTY: Minute eighty one, Waya and Boskov make a run on the corner, Morimoto lifts it up, Boskov gets to it, and Jaffar is beat... but Whitecroft is not! The defender clearing it off the line with his head, but the crowd is getting into it, and the Wings feeding off that energy. Minute eighty three, Boskov again with the shot, Jaffar the save. Cale pounces and pushes it just wide! Might've scraped the post on the way out, he had a good look, but off the laces.
KENNETH: Moments later...
HIGHLIGHT: ... It's Ikeda with the ball, passes to Leyton. Leyton, wall pass, back to Ikeda, he's got an opening. Fires on goal, blocked by Whitecroft, WAYA, WAYA, WA~YAAAAAAAA! THE EQUILIZER, UNBELIEVABLE! Hikaru Waya, the substitute, the miracle goal off the deflection! Jaffar never budged! It's one to one in the National Stadium, which is bursting at the seams!!
KENNETH: Hikaru Waya gets a goal in his first appearance since the Baptism of Fire championship match, and now, French puts the game on the backs of his defense. Minute eighty seven, Rhys driving forward, goes down on the outside of the box... "no foul," says the ref! Dominica makes a great play on the ball, and what really made that possible was that Rhys had no options. We zoom out, look at the field, the Wings have all eleven back on defense! No open lanes!
SCOTTY: Last chance for Bettia, two minutes into injury time, corner kick. Agnall curls it in. Too far, Hawkins makes the catch, and Dancougar. STUNNER! One to one against Bettia, they're the first team to take points away from the Aroras.

(Locker room)
MORIMOTO: It was such an exhausting game, they really never let up. But we had the crowd behind us, and that meant a lot, we felt like we couldn't let them down. And I know I didn't have my best game, but together, as a team, we did what we needed to do.
WAYA: I don't know, I saw the ball come off the defender and thought I had a chance to get to it. I just went in, you know, and I had a good look, good hit. I think we all believed that we could get them at home, this team, we just need to figure out how to turn it on when we're not here!

(Studio)
KENNETH: Waya knows what he's talking about, and so do these guys. Using our incredible powers to bring you both the past and the future, in the present, here's the Gameday crew to break it down.

(Stadium)
JAKE: What a match here in the National Stadium, Dancougar getting a result, a one-all draw with thirteenth-ranked Bettia. Guys, what stood out for you about this performance?
DEE: Once again, the Wings bounce back from a bad road loss to stun a good team at home. I think the tenacity on defense that they've been lacking was back, and that's on Pat French, he prepared them, he made sure they were rested, and more importantly, he kept the lineup the same. Plenty of folks, us included, were thinking it was time to switch things up after a second 4-0 defeat. But he game his guys a vote of confidence, and that does a lot for morale, and it showed in the energy they brought to the game, especially at the end when they got the tie.
DIRK: Yeah, Dee, but I was still concerned that the big guns up front, Morimoto and Ikeda, pretty quiet for most of the game. The Wings only generated two shots in the first hour, while Bettia was pounding away. Thank goodness that French made some adjustments on defense, we saw a little more movement in the back to respond to that five man front of the Aroras, and the midfield helped a lot, too, which we didn't see much in the earlier matches. Sure, the Wings didn't have too much possession, but they closed down Bettia's passing lanes and forced them to play square.
JAKE: Let's look ahead very quickly to Kalmykstan, and then we reach the halfway point. What are the keys to this game?
DEE: Dancougar has not travelled well in this cup. They've got a tie and two losses to show for their trips, and here's a stat, ZERO goals scored outside of the National Stadium! I think Kalmykstan is a good chance for them to break in their road shoes, they should manage at least a tie, and more importantly, get that confidence higher and keep it up for when The Holy Empire returns on matchday eight.
DIRK: It's exactly like you say, Dee. Kalmykstan hasn't looked particularly threatening, but the way Dancougar has been playing on the road, this could still be a pretty close game. We'll be keeping our eyes on this one to see if they can go into the break with their heads up.
JAKE: Six matches down, eight to go. Dancougar is five points out of the qualification zone, and unless they start taking points away from those top three, it's going to be be a middle of the table finish for sure. Now back to Scott and Ken in the studio.

(Studio)
SCOTTY: Plenty more to come on Sportscenter, while the World Cup qualifiers rage worldwide, the regular season for Dancougar's college kids is nearing its close. We'll take a look at this weekend's key matchups and conference scenarios.
KENNETH: And then we'll head back to Yuki City for more on the Black Wings. We'll talk to Tony Travers, how did the defense firm up after that debacle in Vephrall?

Jeruselem

06-02-2008, 06:05

Jacinta Dallas and her cross-eyed relative Hikfie Dallas at Dazza Dallas stadium. Jacinta is wearing the latest dress from Razzle Dazzle (her mother's store) while Hikfie is dressed less extravagantly and more simply.

Jacinta:
Hello! This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE live at Dazza Dallas Stadium! Kara Kool isn't here but we have the super smart uber-intelligent Hikfie Dallas in her place. Poor Kara Kool has a broken foot and will not playing for quite a while. Apologies for those Jewish boys who think she's the hottest girl in Jeruselem.

Hifkie: Hello everyone! Err, I'm smart?
Jacinta: That was a little joke.
Hikfie: OK!
Jacinta: That's why we call her Dopey. Right it was big day today, wasn't it there Dopey.

Hikfie: Yes, yes. A big game. We played Detom!
Jacinta: No, that's Demot. D-E-M-O-T
Hikfie: Oops
Jacinta: Just stick to football Dopey.
Hikfie: I will, yeah!

Jacinta:
Don't worry about her kids, they are smarter than her. So is her dog. Yes, we played Demot at home. It was the 10th vs 14th seed. The game wasn't quite the sell-out the game against the Monks was but everyone had their fun. This game was quite important as both teams were undefeated as are the Monks - wait, the Monks aren't. Well, Demot and Jeruselem are still undefeated! It was a 1 ALL draw.

Hikfie: It was a hard game! Detom were a good team.

Jacinta:
Both teams struggle to score due to skill of defenses shutting down any real attacks. Jeruselem missed Kara Kool in attack with the Jewish boys taking over. It wasn't a pretty game with both teams determined not to lose. The Jeruselem attack didn't have same sting if we had Kara, but they put up a good effort. Oddly, a defender scored the only Jeruselem goal. Actually it was Pauline Boshoba, who isn't know to score any goals.

Hikfie: It was great goal.
Jacinta: It looked more like she fell over than intentionally heading it.
Hifkie: That's the new style
Jacinta: In fairyland that is ... but it was still a goal.

Hikfie: The coach was happy
Jacinta: We could have lost this game but we didn't. We would have preferred the win.
Hikfie: Your sister wasn't happy
Jacinta: Oh, the Queen wanted a win but ... draws are as bad as losses for Dallas girls.

Hifkie: I'm happy

Jacinta:
She's always happy, this one. OK, in other games The Pazhujeb Islands threw away three points after being held to a draw with Magnus Valerius. Wasted chance to get at the big 3 in Group 3!

Hifkie:
Scotch ... err

Jacinta:
Scotchpinestan beat Blouman Empire THREE TWO. Blouman Empire are having a miserable time while Scotchpinestan are doing quite well. OK, they are ranked 50 so they aren't a bad team at all.

Hifkie:
The Monks beat up some polish people!

Jacinta:
(bursts out laughing)

Hikfie:
Was that funny?

Jacinta:
Good one there Dopey. The Archregimancy had little trouble with Evil Polish Donors, winning THREE NIL. Oh dear, that will be picked up by some news network. Only Hikfie could say that.

Hifkie: And our poor army boys

Jacinta:
Wentland beat the crap out of Jeru FC FIVE ONE. Yes, Alfredo Neves must be wondering what's wrong with this team. They win and they lose next game. To be fair, they have three wins so far which is better than they did for the entire World Cup 38. Come on Jeru FC! String a few wins together.

Hikfie: They are beaten by girls?
Jacinta: I think so, but it doesn't matter who the opponent is - do your best on the day.
Hifkie: And now to our friends! A rider, Qasocks and Bostonia!

Jacinta:
Err, close but not quite. Ariddia smashed Bull_horns_rule, like into a billion little bits in a SEVEN ONE win. Qazox had a lucky win over Estresse Intenso, ONE NIL but poor old Bostopia crashed. Bostopia was taken out by Daehanjeiguk who won 3-2. Hifkie spends more of her time in Bostopia with hubby Peter Jeffers, who's the goal keeper.

Hifkie: He had a bad day
Jacinta: He's the one who was responsible for Jeruselem not making the 2nd round last cup.

Hifkie: I forgot about that.

Jacinta:
That's it from me and Dopey here. I'm going teach Dopey how to say nation names correctly so we don't offend anyone. Calling Qazox, Qasucks could be offensive.

Hifkie: I have trouble with funny names, Jasinner.
Jacinta: That's Jacinta
Hikfie: Dazza is easy
Jacinta: See you all later, and ON YA BIKE as Mum says.
Hifkie: Who's bike?
Jacinta: Never mind

Group 3
Demot 1–1 Jeruselem
Magnus Valerius 2–2 The Pazhujeb Islands
Scotchpinestan 3–2 Blouman Empire
The Archregimancy 3–0 Evil Polish Donors

Group 4
Jeru FC 1–5 Wentland

Fujisawan Territories

06-02-2008, 08:14

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Territories lose hard fought match in Pawtucket

The Shaojin Warriors were heckled during the playing of the Territories’ national anthem, Keba Chiohosho Osa, but they took it in stride and then took to the field. The Territories came out aggressive to start the match, and played surprisingly well until the 39th minute, when Hirotaka Shibukji was red carded for using brass knuckles to take down the Prawns' Craig Helms.

“Hirotaka’s behavior is unacceptable, and we don’t want to play dirty like that. Rest assured, measures will be taken to prevent something of this nature from occurring again,” Stephen Distefano, head coach of the Shaojin Warriors said in a post match press conference. Moments later, he announced that Shibukji would not play in any further matches for the Fujisawan Territories. “It’s a decision that I personally made for the best interests of this team,” Distefano continued. Naozane Watari of Sapsaki will take Shibukji’s place in the starting lineup from this point on.

Zenki Sakurai scored in the 55th minute for the Territories, providing the only goal for the Shaojin Warriors. Later in the game, the Prawns scored twice in two minutes to make it 2-1 Prux, with scores from James Nobel, and Matt Victor Paulsen. Hedge made it 3-1 Prux after Matt Victor Paulsen was kicked in the groin and had to leave the game in the 76th minute.

Next up is a road game in St Samuel.

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
St Samuel rolls over the Territories, Yoko rolls her ankle

More sloppy play from the Shaojin Warriors led to a loss, 2-0 to St Samuel. To add injury to insult, Izukoza Yoko hurt her right ankle in the 39th minute of play. Already down 1-0, Yoko tripped and fell to the ground in pain.

Territorial team doctor Oichi Kaoru confirmed this evening that Yoko had fractured her ankle. Although she was initially taken to a hospital and treated in St Samuel, Kaoru said Yoko will have her ankle examined at Hoji Metropolitan Hospital for Women, Children, and the Economically Disadvantaged when she returns. Takuji Motoyoshi of Okazaki Island will fill in at the forward position in place of Izukoza Yoko indefinitely.

The Territories had already barred Hirotaka Shibukji from playing in any further matches after he used brass knuckles against an opposing player during the road loss to Prux. Now the loss of Izukoza Yoko, who scored in the win over Violitism, severely cripples the Territories ability to even begin to remain competitive during further matches.

Next, the Territories host Quakmybush in Crosscom Global Arena.

Hopeless SC

06-02-2008, 09:43

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: We're still the laughingstock of the World Cup! Sure, Magnet Hands looks great in net, but we need to give him some support on the other end of the field. If we could put a ball a match in the net, we'd start winning some matches, the way Magnet Hands is playing. Your team needs to start scoring though...the fans are falling asleep in their seats, for crying out loud!

Grades for Taeshan match:
Effort: C-
Control: D
Offense: N/A, no shots in three matches is unacceptable
Defense: C+
Overall: D

Lesson Your Team Learned: Keeping the ball out of the net is great, because defense wins championships, but you need to score more than once in a blue moon to do well.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: HIGHEST PRIORITY!

Nire and Nire

06-02-2008, 10:19

Conspiracy Grows as Nire and Nire Seek Answers

Officials in the Disputed Territories are furious following reports that the national football side held reigning world champions Az-Cz 1-1 in Sentu. President Nire lauched a scathing attack on the world footballing community called them "bottom-feeding scumbags" who need to "take a large pole and shove it up their [censored]" More sedately, he hinted at a vast conspiracy against Nire and Nire: "It is laughable to think that Nire and Nire, a team with no World Cup experience, could ever match the world champions. No one in their right minds will not believe that Nire and Nire are actually playing in the qualifying tournament."

Sources close to President Nire have told us that large sums of money are being paid by former Nire and Nire manager Lexit Sohot to qualifying opponents to keep their silence while the results are fixed. Sohot, fired after the WC38 qualifying tournament, has been in exhile for over two years and is wanted on numerous charges of treason, public indecency, and tomfoolery. President Nire is now urging Group 9 opponents to come clean and reveal the whereabouts of Sohot. Any antion harbouring him will be considered a Nation Hostile to Nire and Nire

Kelssek

06-02-2008, 10:35

"I'm so mad at this I'm going stark raving Bonto," a voice came from somewhere, possibly from the sports bar he was walking past. Or it could have been the voices in his head as usual.

"You're to fill this out by today, sir. Chairman wants it." said a voice definitely not from inside his head. "He said something about not creating eddies in the fabric of space-time, or something."

The general manager of Kelssek's national football team scribbled his answers.

McPsychoville match report.

How will the match have gone?[/b]
Amazingly well, considering that the entire team will have been suffering from gastroenteritis as a result of them going to be about to eat some bad meat which will have been very tasty but make them all sick. I think the 2-0 victory will have been very deserved.

Who will have been the best player?
Probably Vincent Arsenault. He usually is.

Lesson Your Team Will Have Been Learning
Don't eat hamburger from a street hawker who has a hacking cough and something disgusting growing in his armpit.

Relevance of Lesson to Past Matches
We could possibly go back in time, that is, the present, to prevent the team from eating the hamburgers, but that will be too much trouble at that point. Oh god this is mad.

Beer Served Here

06-02-2008, 12:09

Beer Served Here Goes Flat
Loss is team's third in qualifiers

Beer Served Here's footballers are searching for answers again as they were shut out five-nil at the hands of world football superpower Sel Appa.

Beer Served Here's latest defeat was a humiliating affair in which Sel Appa's star striker Miquelinho recorded a hat trick with goals in the 11th, 42nd, and 65th minutes of the contest. Karl Gepardo and Dzheighcymn Ghotiolo also scored goals in the contest.

"We were outclassed in every facet of the match tonight," team manager Bill Krabonchanski said in his postgame press conference. "Sel Appa showed us what a world class football team looks like and obviously we are not even in their league if we keep playing the way we have in the last two matches."

Krabonchanski added that he has decided to make a switch at the goaltender position benching the veteran keeper Steve Beck in favor of Jose Alvarez. Beck has given up seven goals in his last two matches and was benched at halftime in the previous contest against Dino's Pizza, only to receive the start against Sel Appa.

"Steve has been very helpful in getting us as far as we have come but it seems that we have hit a wall in our qualifying matches," said Krabonchanski. "Alvarez played well in the second half against Dino's Pizza. Hopefully he can provide a spark for us in our next match."

Alvarez will be thrown into the fire early as Beer Served Here faces a Sorthern Northland squad that has been hot in recent matches and sits in a tie on top of the Group 7 points standings after defeating group leader Bazalonia 3-2. Bazalonia keeps the overall group lead with a goal differential of +13 compared to Sorthern Northland's +10 differential. Sorthern Northland has a high powered offense that has scored 19 goals in the six contests, five of which they have won.

"We will have our hands full again Sorthern Northland," said Krabonchanski. "They play a very tough style where they have a high powered attack. We will have to play tough defense and hard-nosed physical football if we are even to be competitive in the next match."

For their part, as tough as the offense is for Sorthern Northland, who has scored more goals than anyone in the group, they have a weak spot on defense allowing more goals than any other of the top four teams in the group with nine goals allowed. Striker Fabio Restivo says that Beer Served Here hopes to take out their frustration on offense and score a some goals against a top team in the group.

"We have to take this opportunity to gain some confidence in ourselves," said Restivo. "Scoring some goals against one of the top teams in the group will go a long way in helping us become competitive offensively in the qualifiers."

Alasdair I Frosticus

06-02-2008, 13:36

THE LEADERS OF THE CROWD

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

THEY must to keep their certainty accuse
All that are different of a base intent;
Pull down established honour; hawk for news
Whatever their loose fantasy invent
And sing along with obscene chants, as though
The abounding gutter had been Helicon
Or calumny a song. How can they know
Truth flourishes where the lesser team's play has shone,
Not with us alone, that have no Solitude?
So the crowd come; they care not about poor Komekong;
They have loud music, hope every day renewed...
While our abused opponents lose 4-1.

Bazalonia

06-02-2008, 14:11

Sometimes Soccer, is more than just something of interest for the more sporty, or athletic, even those that just like to sit down and watch a contest between 2 great teams. The Bazalonian - Sorthern Northland match provided such a specticle however it had an unusual result for the nations more artistic types.

The Bazalonian Society for the Reading, Writing and General Appreciation of Poetry (BSRWGAP) had sponsored a number of artists to write Haiku's in regards to group 7 matches, one of which was the previously mentioned match. The Haiku's where then collected, collated and published in a book available for sale within Bazalonia.

Here are just some of the Haiku's that where written...

Carcim to the isle
Minilla stayed at home
3 nil at their place

Bazalonia home
S and N away challenge
2 and 3 to away

With Beers Served Here there
Sel Appa went into fray
5 away goals came

Dino's Pizza went
Ad'ihan nation within
4 for home, nil away

However something else happened almost right as this book hit the shelves of local book-shops. Andrew Coulter with his quite exasperating mother flanking him, approached an assembled group of Bazalonian and perhaps a few international reporters.

"Thank you for coming..." Andrew started, almost immediately Mrs. Coulter whispered to her son "You didn't introduce yourself properly." "Mum, they know who I am, it saves time." an annoyed son returned "I'm trying to do a press conference, alright." "Ok, you don't have to get snippy with your mother, I'm only trying to..."

She was luckily drowned out as Andrew continued on, adressing the assembled media. "As you may know we are in the middle of a process of finding new sponsors for our team. After an international call had been made 6 organisations heeded the call.

Those 6 organistations are...

1. Verona Inc, maker of fine Bazalonian Automobiles....
2. Banco Econômico, one of Cafundeu's biggest banks
3. Globo Multimídia, an extremely large Cafundese media conglomerate
4. Bostopian Tourist Board, Well, their name says it all
5. Dallas International Enterprises, The corporation that runs all of the Dallas family... uh... enterprises., From Jeruselem.
6. And some team...
"

There was a bit of murmuring from the media at this point wondering just who this sixth mystery team would be, Andrew Coulter, however was soon to explain the situation...

"The problem we have here is that we had 6 organisations expressing interest however we managed to lose the paperwork for this unknown team, it's probably filed somewhere in our records but who knows where. We will ask that however this corporation was get in contact with us immediately." There was another pause as Mrs. Coulter spoke out loud "This wouldn't of happened if I'd been working here." ... "Mum, please you're embarrassing me!" "geting embarrased by your own mother?! Hogswash!!" She replied, and could only visibly sigh.

"Starting at the same time as our away match in Minilla Island, the tournament will be competed in Stadium Verona, George Town Nova Stadium and Trevton City Enclosed Field. The best 4 teams will progress to the semis and then to the final which will determine finally who will be the Bazalopes Sponsor."

After a few questions from the media, which Andrew did his best to answer without inter-jections from his mother, the press conference was finished and it was time to go home.

Candelaria And Marquez

06-02-2008, 14:20

asssssssssssassssssssasssssssssassssssssaaaaaaaassssq, Tracker Edwards typed absent-mindedly onto his laptop. What were you supposed to say? Big Blues snatch jammy win in Jariss? You could, but even with the time difference plenty of Candelariasian dole scroungers and stay-at-home mothers had been able to watch the game. You couldn’t fault the Big Blues, not really. They’d plenty very well, had the bulk of the opportunities and only some sparkling goalkeeping from Tali Vindu had kept the game alive. It was hard to tell from 1000000000000000 miles away, but the Jarissians (or whatever they were) seemed a rather sweet lot, and of course you had to feel for them. Their efforts to rebuild after the tsunami had been a major staple of the C&M press since the two national teams were drawn in the same group, coming so soon after the Candelarias’ own potentially devastating brush with the awesome power of the elements and so forth.

But god; they were a defensive side. C&M fans and regular watchers were used to that of course – their World Cup 38 qualification was attained having scored fewer goals than any of the other thirty qualifiers – but this was summin’ else. You couldn’t blame them, but it had been ten men behind the ball for ninety minutes and it had been a frustrating watch. But on this kind of defensive form, on home turf, few sides could have hoped to take more than a one-nil win as C&M had.

It was a right problem when you were under pressure to try and put a negative spin on things. Oh, there were plenty of other journalists in plenty of other countries who did so these days for a variety of reasons, but they were professional pravda-types most of the time. All “see how we work and prosper”. Or “see how we toil and fail to get a genuinely impressive result,” in this case. You could add in the usual bit about how a country as small as C&M could never hope to produce international-standard strikers, but it seemed a tad ridiculous when Ramiro Novo had scored eight goals in seven games and Ignacio Vélez was running at better than one in two.

He switched on the television in the hope of inspiration, but the usual exotic programming that coincided with C&M away games was conspicuous by its absence. The Albrecht Herald had decided against sending its number one sportswriter to the potentially difficult climes of Jariss. Instead of useful little foreign pop culture references it was just Jenny Koçgündüz on TTO’s Evening News.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/jennyjariss.png

“Just six years ago scenes of devastation such as this were omnipresent across the island, but efforts to rebuild this shattered society have been rapid and impressive. Paige Trotman, chairwoman of the Hurricane Neil Victims Association, believes that C&M authorities can learn a lot from the work of the Jarissian counterparts and I can speak to her live in Jariss City now; Paige when do–”

Tracker muted her irritably. The dead and their families aside; there were few ‘victims’ of Hurricane Neil any more. Houses had been repaired, thousands of those affected had received financial wotzit to help get themselves back on their feet. Why anyone still felt the need to piggyback of the genuine horrors of Jariss, beyond a desire for cheap publicity was beyond him.

He wrote as such, before getting into the actual events of the game. “But Lloyd Donnelly had surely prepared for the defensive set-up of the home side,” he muttered to himself as he wrote, “and the Big Blues adopted a patient outlook unfamiliar for a Donnelly C&M side. A breakthrough finally came shortly after half-time wh–”

*Pop*

Tracker blinked. He felt slightly wobbly, and was overcome with the sensation that something was very wrong indeed. He looked up at the television, but Joseph Thompson was still rabbiting on silently.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/joetho.png

He shrugged, glanced at an empty bottle on his desk reproachfully, and turned back to his typewriter.

en the young Latino half-back Billy Burgos crossed into the bye line unchallenged. His fellow gifted spig, José Domingos, moved in from his inside right position and ran apace at the elderly fullback T. Rashi. The Jariss back line opened up in front of him, and the Onwere Academicals player beat the goalkeeper with a sturdy shot remarkable for one of his race.

TOIL

Candelaria And Marquez was always on top in the second period after that, but struggled to create many attempts on Vindu’s goal to test the oddly effeminate goalkeeper. Jariss for their part defended manfully, with an unusual formation that featured over two players at the back.

Still, a victory of a goal to nil away from home, and against a country with a longer history in international sport than we, is impressive enough; even if it cannot be compared to the performance of the gnomes against the island nation. It will provide Mr. Donnelly and his men a boost ahead of a potentially politically charged game against Nire and Nire. President A…

Tracker paused with his finger on the ‘l’. President Allen didn’t sound quite right, somehow. Well, of course it didn’t, the ruddy liberal nitwit, but still… He shrugged again.

llen is expected to rebuff any attempts by his counterpart in the Nires to turn the match into a diplomatic football, arguing that any issue the Nire government has over the match concerns the Bazalonian, Valanoran and USC World Cup organisers, not the Candelarian authorities.

Tracker ripped the sheets from the typewriter and shoved them into the hands of his secretary. His wiped his hands over his forehead, and curled up on the Davenport.

Some hours later, the world *Pop*ed again and Jenny Koçgündüz returned to a suddenly more square television to introduce President Anderson’s statement on the Nire and Nire situation.

Tracker was unfortunately still asleep, so we can’t say anything more about it just now.

Sorthern Northland

06-02-2008, 14:54

Despite being the middle of summer it is once again a freezing evening in Snowspire in the far north of the country. A small town covered in snow some three hundred and two days a year. Until recently it was just that place up north. No one knew it's name, some called it Snowspear, some called it Snowspy, others just called it "that bloody frozen waste". Now though nearly everyone knew of Snowspire, the White Cliff stadium but may well be controversial, but it had put Snowspire on the map, and with the Beer Served Here match coming up the towns population had almost quadrupled overnight, with beer lovers from Sorthern Northland and Beer Served Here cramming themselves into the many pubs around the town to escape the bitter cold. Into one of them a mysterious hooded figure stepped.

"Evening, bartender, a pint of Guinness please."

"Certainly sir, that'll be twenty rubles."

The man handed over the twenty rubles, picked up his drink and sat at the nearest empty table taking off his hooded coat.

As he revealed himself, the crowd of people around him drew huge gasps. He looked over at the table next to him, where a man in his early thirties seemed to be having a panic attack.

"You alright there mate," the previously hooded figure said, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

"B-b-b-but y-y-y-you-your," he stammered back, "I-i-i-in F-f-f-fort B-b-boston?"

"Fort Boston? No this Snowspire. Fort Boston isn't in this country."

"B-b-but your Ben O'Bagels?"

"Yes, I am."

"I-I-I s-s-saw you on the n-n-news earlier," the nervous wreck whispered, "In Fort Boston, t-t-t-they captured y-y-y-you."

"Oh that. So that actually worked?"

"What do you mean worked? They captured you and put you in a cage. In Fort Boston. I saw it on the news five minutes ago. Live. It was you. How are you here?" the nervous wreck of a man's friend replied.

"It was part of a government plan to lower the tension between Bostopia and SN. Hand me over to the Bostopian authorities and that would relieve some of the tension."

"So why are you here if your supposed to be handed over?"

"Behind every leader is a number of doubles. It's a well know security trick. I must say Roy is an extremely brave man."

"Who's Roy?"

"Oh he's my body double in Fort Boston. The one you saw on the news. I'm still here in SN playing for the national team, well in home game to dangerous to travel abroad, and spreading poetry."

"And this was supposed to relieve the tension? When they find out that's not you they'll be pissed off!"

"Well of course it was never going to stop the war. We have to be crafty and gain small victories like this, damage they're morale. I really can't believe it worked. I've always admired Bostopia's secret service, they have some of the best agents and intelligence in the world. I really thought they could tell the difference between me and a body double."

"YOU BASTARD!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE YOU DICKHEAD!"

And with that polite end to the conversation the mate of the nervous man ran out the pub screaming about the need to build nuclear bunkers. O'Bagels just sat with his pint of Guinness, writing poetry and planning a repeat of the performance that saw Sorthern Northland win three two away to Bazalonia for the Beer Served Here game.

Bostopia

06-02-2008, 15:23

Across Sorthern Northland, Operation 0.1% was beginning.

Casari

06-02-2008, 19:05

"Balls and a half." Winter said, sitting back and sighing. "Not only are they the world leader in breeding crazies, they're now actively respawning them."

"Yes, Premier." Governor General Neuman. "The army's researching something along the lines of crushing things through a fine mesh screen- you know, just in case it's ever needed- but as they seemingly still like us, so there's nothing to worry about on that front just yet."

"Always good to hear. No requests for any assistance, come flying to the scene with some tanks and crap like that?"

"Not that we know of."

"Always good to hear." Winter said, spinning back and forth in her chair. "The CSA wasn't overly pissed that my dog got loose and ran on the field, were they?"

"Well... a bit."

"It's not like I lifted it over the rail or anything, it got loose!"

"Well, it was more of a 'why the hell is the Premier bringing dogs to bloody soccer games?' kind of thing."

"Because if I didn't, he'd pee on the carpet. And I'm not paying to have those damned carpets cleaned again. Damn dog."

"Well, what's stopping him from peeing at your place now?"

"He's sitting outside. He's not important enough to come in the office." She said, looking at a stack of paperwork on her desk. "Did that just move?"

"You're going mental. That's the only explanation for this."

"That's harsh and I don't appreciate it." Winter said, spinning back and forth in her chair again.

"Sorry, I know, but you do have a way with dodging from topic to topic with little or no warning." Neuman said.

"Some people find it endearing."

"Some find it insane, too."

"Pfft." Winter said, a yell coming from outside the office. looking up, Winter swore. "If that damn dog stole the secretary's lunch again, I'm going to lock it in the closet." Striding to the door, Winter swung it open to see her secretary and one of the interns in a bit of an intimate embrace.

"Um... hello, Premier..." the intern said, with the appearance that he was about to throw up from nerves.

Winter said nothing in reply, slowly raising an eyebrow and looking at the two. "This day just gets more interesting by the minute."

The Supermarket

06-02-2008, 19:55

We walk in through the front doors of the supermarket. We look over to the news stand, where a paper is lying on the floor. We pick it up...

JOKE NATION, JOKE TEAM

Four games in, and the most unlikely nation in the World Cup are performing just about to expectations.

The Supermarket, a nation of sentient groceries, might as well have played like inanimate ones so far. A well earned draw against a returning Acapais side in their opening game was seemingly more down to beginner's luck than anyhting else, and only a truly abysmal team from a little known swamp called Loutra oreas Elenis are preventing them from complete embarrasement so far.

However, their big game is approaching. The battle of the also rans, it could be said. LoE are the products' next opponents, and it could go a long way to deciding who finishes bottom of the group.

And the Supermarket are almost in form, too! The team actually managed a goal against group top seeds Cafundéu! Well, they managed to get an own goal, but we all have to start somewhere.

However, there are some injury problems for the Supermarket, as Johan Yogurt has a slight tear in his lid, while Dave Trolley has a wonky wheel. However, the squad are ready to roll! Or run or waddle or whatever else they may do...

The Archregimancy

06-02-2008, 20:55

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Jeruselem's Visit to the Archregimancy

Fellow nations: we rejoice that our national team of God-fearing Orthodox monks has put the recent controversy regarding the sincerity of the conversion of the Pazhujeb Islands players to Orthodoxy - not to mention the disappointment of the 4-0 home loss against Demot - behind them by sweeping the Evil Polish Donors (no doubt Catholic heretics, like most Poles) 3-0.

However, we would today prefer to draw attention towards the Jeruselem FA's recent response to our insistence that the women on their national team wear traditional 10th Byzantine royal veils during their visit to the Archregimancy, except for the 90 minutes of the match itself.

We would like to praise the Jeruselem FA - words that we never thought we would write when the Whore of Babylon herself (or 'Dazza Dallas') was in charge of a team of salacious wantons - for a constructive reply to our request that shows a commendable willingness to adapt to our unique cultural environment.

We happily agree to Jeruselem's request that their squad be exempt from wearing the Byzantine veil during training sessions as we fully recognise the unfair disadvantage this would cause to their players. We happily accept their generous offer to hold these training sessions behind closed doors in order to minimise the chance of accidental contact between their exposed women and any passing monks. Furthermore, as a sign of our own willingness to compromise, we will permit Princess Jacinta Dallas to sing the Jeruselem national anthem before the match provided that she remain suitably veiled.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Kura-Pelland

06-02-2008, 21:01

Kura-Pelland are on a bit of a roll lately, well on track for qualification out of a non-trivially difficult group, and genuinely feel they can win any game.

And even in this case - though it's the toughest case they've yet to face, and on paper their most difficult qualification match - the insistence from all was not to worry. This team were determined to succeed.

And sure enough, the home side were caught out on several counter-attacks, and while Florence Mendelbaum made two fine saves it was to be third time lucky for Kura-Pelland, Iain Belling finding acres of room down the right before cutting inside and tucking the ball into the bottom corner. The home crowd was stunned. The lead remained until three minutes before half-time, Milchama's desperate attacks being dealt with by superb defending.

But just for one moment, Kura-Pelland lost all resistance. Avi Belmowitz's superb lofted one-two with Narayan Evans left him one-on-one with Stephen Hill, and he simply smashed the ball past him with godmod power. Hill didn't even try and stop it. Maybe he was brainless... or maybe he was wise.

At the half-time break, the teams gathered in the dressing rooms like normal. But underneath the surface, behind the scenes, something bad was happening. A va'karela was being readied by Rejistanian refugees, and was activated soon after half-time. About twenty minutes too late for the visitors, frankly, but all creativity seemed to be drained from both sides. In the 67th minute, a Milchaman official tried to destroy the va'karela, but his road of good intentions led him merely to damaging his hand. The match finished 1-1, and Kura-Pelland remain ahead of Milchama in the group.

------------------------

This is your last chance to enter the International Challenge. What is the theme of my RPs? Five references in this one.

Daehanjeiguk

06-02-2008, 22:09

Sports Inquiry - "The Great Zombie Run!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk --- Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Today's Great Zombie Run!

We've got a fanatical showing here in Gwangju today, where the Imperial Team just won the war against Bostopia, 3-2! There were some tough shots made today, but in the end, valiant defending in the face of stiff adversity kept the Imperial Team on the front end of a great victory that keeps them in 3rd place, just enough to qualify.

But right now, we've got the zombies all lined up and ready to go for the race. What's today's venue, you might ask? Well, it's the train station, of course! Every year, around this time, people take a look at their other calendar and realize - " OMFG! It's the New Year!" literally - and they rush to the train station to go home and see their friends, family, and relatives. Everyone of them, including the annoying ones. And so now we've got people lined up at train stations, and the lines for go for miles. The Imperial Travel Advisory Board has come up with this ingenious solution to the congestion at the station by deciding to release horde of flesh-eating zombies at the train station, to keep people moving during this turbulent time. In this manner, everyone can go home and see their families!

And the Great Zombie Rush is about to begin! The Army is on the lookout for stray zombies, but none are found. It's begun! And the zombies are on the loose! And... they're walking. Walking still. One just tripped over a car in the parking lot. Walking still.

Hey, this isn't very exciting. They're supposed to run after people, not walk. Geez. What do these things do? Bore people to death? Where did we get these zombies? ... oh right, from Mexico. If these were Han zombies, they'd be running. A dog just shat on one of the zombie's feet, and they're stuck now. They're chasing the dog! But the dog is so far away. And the dog has slid into a sewer. They can't catch the dog there. But wait! They're heading for the sewer hole! They're trying to get in! Oh, yes! This is exciting again! Even though there's about 20,000 people stuck at the train station at this very moment, they're trying to get a little dog in the sewer. And they can't get in. I wonder why... They're nibbling off their arms! Oh ingenious! They're nibbling off their arms so they can fit into the sewer! And... they still can't get in.

Oh, just turn this %$#& off.

===

TO BE CONTINUED

Goal Scorers:
5 - Jeong Jihun
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk

Cafundeu

06-02-2008, 22:49

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DESTRUINDO O ESTOQUE DO SUPERMERCADO

http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/291/pic0018tc4.jpg
The bench of The Supermarket team: lots of options

Cafundéu continues its mission looking for an easy qualification, something that doesn’t seem very close to the team right now, as four countries are battling for three places, and the Monopolists are included in this. This game was a bit different from the others, due to the nature of the opponents. The team travelled to a distant but very complete supermarket, where it had to face the best footballers among the products being sold there. It wasn’t an easy game, as some players weren’t used in playing in a car park.

Changes and Absences: Moisés and Everaldo substitutes the suspended Lauro and Eduardo Monte.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: The Supermarket, a team that plays in a parking space.

The Supermarket was even able to score first, thanks to an own goal scored by Leandro Cavalo (who won’t start in the next game). But Cafundéu mantained the calmness and was able to win the game. And the players will return to their home country with more than three points. The products in The Supermarked are really cheap, and they could make a lot of economy buying things there. “It has a nice athmosphere and good prices,” said Serginho Mallandro, the entertainer of the National Team.

THE FIRST HALF: in the first minutes, the team was still adapting the strategy to the game. Although there was grass in the playing field (something required by the WCC), it wasn’t of good quality, and in some places the players were stepping in the car park’s asphalt. For some minutes, The Supermarket took advantage of it, and was close of scoring in one opportunity. Gazette got the ball in the left field and crossed it to Toothpaste, who jumped and headed the ball. Moisés made a good save.

But soon Cafundéu started to show its strength, attacking well and controlling the game. In a play, Neto sent the ball to Ferreira who, being marked by Pineapple, didn’t finish well and sent the ball over the bar. And, as Cafundéu didn’t score, The Supermarket could surprise. Rice (one of the Cafundelenses’ preferred products) took a corner kick and Leandro Cavalo headed the ball... to his own goal. Goal of The Supermarket. The Monopolists reacted one minute after, when Marcelinho sent the ball to Flecha, who shot and scored the goal. Cafundéu tried to score more, but The Supermarket’s defence held the result until the end of the first half.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Leandro Cavalo’s own goal): “Champagne’s attack is stopped by Léo Mattos, who sends the ball for a corrrrrner kick. Rrrrrice to take it, the ball goes to the arrrrrea, Leandrrrrro Cavalo disputes the ball with Trrrrrolley, heads the ball... and it’s a goal. Goal for The Superrrrrmarrrrrket! Leandrrrrro Cavalo, an own goal! The Superrrrrmarrrrrket one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! Rrrrrefinement, taste, arrrrrrt, these arrrrre qualities of the handmade wine Rrrrradicci, that comes dirrrrrectly frrrrrom the prrrrroducer! Visit our farrrrrms if you want to see how the wine is prrrrroduced!”

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/1453/estacionamentobe3.jpg
Supporter entering in the “stadium” using the ticket

THE SECOND HALF: finishing the first half with a draw wasn’t expected. The coach Franz Braddock was worried with the team, wanted to see it playing better. The Supermarket isn’t a strong opponent and, as the team is in a very balanced group, the points are very important. So, he decided to make changes in the full-backs, to prepare a different strategy. It took some time, but in the end it worked. Potato Sticks was attacking for The Supermarket, but Marcelo Rocha took the ball from him and passed to Anormal. The midfielder exchanged passes with Neto, and shoot from outside the area. The shot surprised Nappies, who wasn’t able to save and suffered the goal. Cafundéu was winning the game.

The result didn’t seem so good for Cafundéu. After all, the team defeated Casari in a war/game by five goals of difference. But the team wanted the three points, that was important. Marcelo Rocha even made a good pass for Ferreira to score in one opportunity, but the attacker lost the goal. The Supermarket attacked with its best offensive products, as the Marlboro Lights (which attack the lungs) and the Beer (which attacks the brain). But the Cafundelenses resisted their attacks well, and ended winning the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Anormal’s goal): “Marrrrrcelo Rrrrrocha can starrrrrt a counterrrrrattack for Cafundéu, and that’s what he does, with a nice pass to the giant Anorrrrrmal... good ball contrrrrrol, the ball now goes to Neto, who deliverrrrrrs the ball back to Anorrrrrmal. The midfielder prrrrreparrrrres the shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Come now, rrrrreplay, my frrrrriend! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu two, The Superrrrrmarrrrrket one! The perrrrrfect company for the night, for the day, for everrrry other time! Feijó Beer, the best beer! Do not drrrrrive after drrrrrinking!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: how to get into the place of the game? In Cafundéu, you buy a ticket and enter in the stadium, and in The Supermarket the situation isn’t different. You just have to buy a parking ticket, and enter in the car park using it! And you’ll hear a soft woman voice when entering in the car park, something that doesn’t happen in Cafundéu (you usually hear a policemen saying “Let me see your legs, I need to make sure that you aren’t carrying any knives!” Other curious thing is watching a baby nappies playing football as a keeper. And why Cafundéu has to wear the second kit? Just because The Supermarket uses red plastic bags as first kit? They’re plastic bags! We will complain to the WCC!

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: the score wasn’t the expected, but the result was. And the coach Franz Braddock, the first to talk in all the games, told me: “The first half wasn’t good. The team seemed nervous, made many mistakes, we had to correct many things to get the victory in the second half. And it worked. I’m very happy for this, as these three points are very important, we need them to qualify well. The pressure of the supporters is huge, we have to please them.”

The players talked with me too. After all, I’m the most famous field reporter of Cafundelense football. Moisés, the goalkeeper who loves drinking water, said: “We didn’t expect such a difficult game. These supermarket products know how to play football, and were playing at home, so the scoreline wasn’t unreal. They have many options of players to use.” The defender Souza said: “That attacker, Champagne, he had speed. I don’t face attackers with that speed in the Cafundelense league.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): The Supermarket really impressed in this game, and has some players among the best of it. Nappies and Baguette were good at defending, Rice was the brain of the team, Champagne attacked well. But, as Cafundéu was the winning team, deserves more recognition. Marcelo Rocha, Neto and Marcelinho were responsibles for the offense of the team. But Anormal was surely the best.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Marlboro Lights attacks): “The Superrrrrmarrrrrket trrrrries to scorrrrre in the last minutes of the game, attacking with full strrrrrength. Cucumber holds the ball in the midfield, a fast pass to Marrrrrlborrrrro Lights, he drrrrribbles Da Silva, shoots... Moisés! Good save of the keeper! Guarrrrrraná, one of the most delicious drinks of the worrrrrld. And the best Guarrrrraná is Tupivarrrrra!”

http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/6506/6862946120gayk4.jpg
Players thank Marcelinho for the assist

THE SUPERMARKET 1x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Car Park, in the Supermarket.
Attendance: 11,503 people/1,878,092 products.
Referee: Ernest Redorf (Vephrall).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Léo Mattos (Vergara 45’), Leandro Cavalo (Marcelo Rocha 45’), Everaldo and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira (Saulo 70’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_supermarket.png THE SUPERMARKET: Nappies; Pineapple, Beer and Baguette; Yogurt (Cucumber 62’), Coffee, Rice and Gazette (Marlboro Lights 62’); Trolley, Champagne and Toothpaste (Potato Sticks 45’).
Coach: Tommy Trolley.

Goals:CAF: Flecha 22’ , Anormal 60’.
SPM: Leandro Cavalo (own goal) 21’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Solenial: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Kim Jong-hwan (Daehanjeiguk).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 6 games:

6- Flecha
4- Ferreira
2- Neto, Da Silva, Anormal
1- Marcelinho, Fabrício

Leandro Cavalo scored an own goal

Starblaydia

06-02-2008, 22:57

Wing Wang Whacked
Starblaydia correct goal difference

Six-Two is one of the better scorelines in recent years for Betanii Marrones' team. In fact, it is the second-highest number of goals a side of hers has ever scored, and also equals the second-highest record winning margin, 4-0 in the Quarter-Final of the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 38 against Hopeless SC, who have recently been seen stinking up the general footballing world. The best match since Starblaydia's hiatus, of course, was the 'Shroud over Tuaim' match, in which Starblaydia won 7-0

It marked the second senior international hat-trick of Tarquin Fullbright's eight-year career - the first, of course, coming against Tuaim. He now has 23 goals in 52 games, and for this thirty-one year old striker of Nova Britannician descent, he will surely be targeting first 25, and then 30 goals before he finishes his international career. The Montepool Waves forward has been an excellent servant to Starblaydia since they have returned from their hiatus, and the quest is already on to fill his shoes for the next World Cup. A number of strikers are looking to take his number nine shirt, including twenty-eight year-old Stefan Hinkonnen, who surely can't be a long-term choice, and two young ladies by the names of Fenchurch Bentley and Lubii. Both are teenagers, and both are in the squad at numbers 22 and 23 respectively. Fenchurch, nicknamed 'Fenny', is multi-talented, much like her distant relative David, who first played for Starblaydia four years shy of a century ago. Fenny can play either up front or out wide on the right wing, while Lubii of Iskara Daii is straight out of the Kaza Matranga mould as an all-round forward player who can play wherever you put her up front, whether as main target or link-up player. Three gentlemen, however, are between the veteran big man Hinkonnen and the two young ladies: little poacher Lii Chong-sun, striker Raphael Torino & play-maker Nuno Quaresma. Between the six of them, the Starblaydi Manager will have to choose who goes in Fullbright's place to Starblaydia's centenary Cup.

In their current quest for qualification, however, Starblaydia currently lie fifth in the Group Six table, five points away from a qualification place. Both Cup of Harmony Champions Lovisa and Estresse Intenso, both of whom have defeated Starblaydia so far, need to be hauled in for Starblaydia to upset the odds and make it to the World Cup Finals.

In four years time, though, what will Starblaydia be doing for their centenary celebrations?

Something big, no doubt.

Estresse Intenso

06-02-2008, 23:14

PROF. BANGU MELO - "So, how's The Machine reacting to the surgery?"

THE WANDERER - "It isn't a common surgery. Pascal is still working on it, and he needs to do this alone. He is the only one who can do these kinds of things."

DR. LANDAU - "But how does this surgery work? He uses knives, other medical equipments? I can help, Jesus can help, Selic can help, we are experienced doctors, the best in the Institute, we can do any kind of surgery!"

THE WANDERER - "I'm sorry that this isn't the case. It isn't a medical surgery. It's some kind of mystic surgery, only Pascal knows it. He uses his Dreamed Realm powers to do that, as he did when he transformed The Machine in a special robot."

DR. LANDAU - "How impressive! We're in the most complex and equipped medical centre of the whole world and we can't do this surgery! I'm feeling useless."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Yes... a sickness that the Landau Institute can't cure with its doctors."

THE WANDERER - "I'm sure that Pascal can save his son."

BIBAH - "Well, I hope not."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "What are you talking about?"

GUAXINIM - "It's simple, Professor Jesus. As you said, if The Machine dies, Terreiro de Ogum will replace the Landau Institute in the World Cup."

MASTER KACET - "And that's what we want! The whole Terreiro de Ogum National Team is anxious to play in a big competition. If we could, we'd bring all the players to talk with you, but only we three could come."

BIBAH - "I'm ready to block Terreiro de Ogum's goal."

GUAXINIM - "I'll use my speed to score goals."

MASTER KACET - "I'll use my abilities to make impact plays."

PAI BERTO - "And I'll use my powers to strengthen my team."

TRAMÓIA - "I'll prepare traps to weaken our opponents."

GUAXINIM - "What are you doing here?"

PAI BERTO - "Tramóia helped us to arrive in the Institute. Oh... and the others are coming too... at least the starters. The team is: Bibah; Bicho Grillo, Toquinho, Infante and Preto Véio; Pai Berto, Coveiro, Pinguinha and Tramóia; Guaxinim and Master Kacet."

DR. LANDAU - "What a strange team... please survive, The Machine."

Jeruselem

07-02-2008, 00:12

TO: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy
From: Jacinta Dallas, Secretary to the Jeruselem FA President

RE: Veils

We thank the Archregimancy for their response to our request.

I would also like to thank the MFA to allow me to sing during the game.
Just one question, can I wear a pink veil. I don't like wearing dark colours. You have stand out from the crowd. Yes, I am attention whore like my sister and mother.

Princess Jacinta Dallas
Secretary to the Jeruselem FA President
Sister to Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem

Milchama

07-02-2008, 01:27

"You know this is boring?"

"What is?"

"Just sitting here talking, we do it after every match and there is never anything new to report, we don't even have a storyline to talk about we just sit here and rant about the game"

"I know there really isn't a point, we just blab and blab away we're worst than political commentators and NFL pregame shows"

"Yeh we really need to do something interesting or special"

"Hmmm.... What could we do?"

"Well let's look at past and current RP themes"

"Ok"

"We have Casari's secret FA meetings to win by any means necessary"

"Nah, we're not that crazy"

"Fine then we have a spy story that was acted out between us and Bazalonia a few cups back"

"Unoriginal"

"Then I suppose you won't like my next idea which is what we did when we got to the final in WC 34, Margaret every game"

"That wasn't until the Cup proper and we obviously SHOULD do that in the cup proper"

"Well then we could do a secret RP theme like Kaze Progressa is doing"

"Whose Kaze Progressa"

"Sorry Kura Pelland, old habits die hard"

"I have no idea what it would be, don't think it would work either"

"Well then why not Bedistan's old theme of trying to blow something up?"

"We just told everybody we were going to do that, that would end badly"

"Why?"

"No longer a secret"

"There was that Bazalonian themed comic book based on the World Cup"

"That's awesome! We should do that"

"What comic book?"

"God damnit, no idea"

"Well then there goes that idea"

"Yeh, hmmm... government agent being captured that's what Sorthern Northland and Bostopia are doing right now and what Cafundeu did in the past"

"Nah, don't want to risk the wrath of Gonnenberg"

"Ok then weird team like Alasdair I Frosticus' porn stars in World Cup 30"

"Too late now we already announced a squad and we save stupid stuff like that for AOCAF"

"Very true, crazy coach?"

"We went through that but nobody seemed to care"

"Too true, well then what are we going to do?"

"I have no idea"

"Let's figure this out together"

"That might just work"

"Speaking of which how did Milchama do today"

"1-1 draw against Kura Pelland, shoulda done better"

"Thanks"

Demot

07-02-2008, 02:19

To: WCC President
From: The Demot Footballing Association
RE: Julius Rotherwell

We agree to a meeting of the Associations to discusss the matter of Rotherwell's eligibility and how best to resolve the issue with the SLANI federation. We shall be sending David Masteron, former captain and coach of the national team, to be our representative. We feel confident that some sort of arrangement can be made between the parties and are looking forward to resolving this issue quickly.

Sincerely,
Wall Marcus ~ Preesident of the DFA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoril wondered if he should just make a trip to Valanora during the mid-qualifying break. The squad hadn't scheduled any friendly as far as he knew, and the squad was supposedly going to be given the week off. He doubted that this "High Priestess" would have much to offer him. Though he believed in Harthgate's gifts as a druid, as he had witnessed some of them with his own eyes, he was skeptical of these so called visions his friend was having. It sounded more like a delusional caused by dehydration and too much time in the sun. But alas, if they held any remote chance of being true, it would be best to see things out, if only to put his mind at ease. As he began the process to book his flight online, he phone rang.

"Hey Thoril, this is Lea, I've got some bad news."

"Well, might as well tell me now, I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle."

"Well, coach decided that we would get too rusty if we didn't have a friendly during the break and decided to schedule a friendly."

"Crap~!!... Who's it with and where?"

"Oh, it's with the Elves. Supposedly we're going to be going to one of Char Sara's stadiums instead of the Hatire Memorial in Capri. Something about rennovations for the World Cup. Anyways, just thought I'd let you know. See you at the practise later!"

How convienant. Perhaps there is some larger force at work here. Best just to play along and let what happens happen.

Blouman Empire

07-02-2008, 02:45

Team Continues To Struggle

Another game another loss this time to the hands of Scotchpinestan where the empire went down 3-2. It seemed like the team was on a perfect run scoring two goal in the first 40 minutes Speed and Junkson knocking up one each. However immediatley after the break Jamie Watson of Scotch went and scored a goal bringing the buffer to one goal. Watson managed to score another goal in the 63rd minute and placed every fan of the empire on to their seats as they hoped and prayed that the team would not lose again. But in the 85th minute against an obvisouly tired midfield and defence Scotch captain Paulo Salcedo ran down the left wing and placed the ball in the top right hand corner, ending the game 3-2. Fans are outraged at the team Danner as the team continues to struggle against their opponents and hopes of making making the top three slowly drop. The team is now 6 points short of 3rd place and 9 points short of 1st.

Blouman Empire

07-02-2008, 02:51

Empire Hosts The Archregimancy

The empire is about to host third placed team The Archregimancy to round out the first half of the qualifying round. The empire needs to win against The Archregimancy in order to have any chance of qual;ifying The Archregimancy are currently in third place six points ahead of the empire, who needs to win in order to shorten the gap a loss will result in being 9 points behind and make it to near impossible for the team to qualify.

The team has said that they will be gald to play in front of the fans again and have been busily preparing for the game ahead. The question is will the fans want to see them play due to their recent performance only 95% of tickets have been sold the FFB is hoping that Bloumans will come out and watch the team play.

Zwangzug

07-02-2008, 03:01

The Bassabook Baritone
The paper may be flat, but that doesn't make us left-of-center!

Snowy showdown

Samcoa finished fourth in the Baptism of Fire, playing in Liverpool England but haven't been able to match that sort of success in World Cup qualification. They wound up in Zwangzug for their most recent game, and...well, "showdown" implies some sort of drama, doesn't it? So much for that.

The most intense action came in the fifth minute, when Brendan Deguela collided with a Samcoa midfielder. Both left the game, with Evan Terwilliger coming in for Zwangzug in place of Claude Seu, who took Deguela's spot in the center.

Fortunately, it was one of the erratic Terwilliger's good days. Not only did he notch an assist on Gary Maini's forty-first minute goal, he scored one of his own. Both of Zwangzug's other forwards also scored.

As a match, then, it was not a particularly contested affair, 4-0 the final scoreline. The condition of the pitch at Wayr Stadium was probably more responsible for this sloppiness than the teams' performances, however. The snowfall, while not an extreme blizzard, was nevertheless not ideal for playing football.

Even without Terwilliger's entrance, the midfield had been adjusted slightly as Megan Kucinich was in for Eddie Barnes. "I want to keep mucking up the team," said coach Mcgimpy, probably looking for "mixing".

Zwangzug plays Qazox next, continuing an all-upset series that Zwangzug hopes to snap.

Sel Appa

07-02-2008, 03:20

Turtles Shocked by Loss
An 0-1 loss at home to the Bazalopes has stunned the team. They've been projected for a clear run through the qualifiers being ranked third in the world. However, Bazalonia was able to stop them short and hand them a shutout defeat. The loan goal embarrassed the team that thought it was destined to have a clean, undefeated streak continuing from the World Cup 38 Qualifiers.

However, this was not to be and their streak ended abruptly and somewhat unexpectedly. The last qualifier defeat for Sel Appa was a 1-2 loss at the hands of British Londinium, a then up-and-coming side, at the end of the World Cup 37 Qualifiers, ending an eight-match undefeated streak. The two defeats, then and now, show that even the toughest and strongest sides can be knocked down from their high post without warning. The Turtles should not get too cocky from their high rank and streaks, it will inevitably lead to a shocking disaster.

The loss was subdued by a fourth shutout 5-0 against Beer Served Here. Sel Appa's four shutouts--with good scoring too--show the team is strong against significantly weaker teams. They scored three goals at Minilla Island, four at Sorthern Northland, and two more at Carcim. This past match brings the total to 14 goals scored in four shutout matches. Only three goals have been scored against Sel Appa: two from Dinos Pizza and one from Bazalonia. The record provides a promising outlook for the Turtles despite the loss to Bazalonia and they will probably continue on their course of clearing many more victories as they advance to the 39th World Cup Finals.

Adihan

07-02-2008, 03:56

Dave Hollow seemed a strangely contented man. Never mind the fact that Ad'ihan were trailing in fourth in their group, a string of three wins on the trot – scoring ten goals and conceding just once in the process – meant that his appointment as the new manager of Ad'ihan, despite his relative inexperience, had gone down well.

As he wrapped up another session of training, Hollow let his mind wander. He thought about his former charges at Protectorate United, where he was assistant manager. Granted, a good number of them also played for the national team, of course. And then his thoughts changed to something bad, something he hadn't thought about in ages. Something that could lose him this wonderful, well-paying job, if the AFF found out. Something that could...

No, stop it. Stop it. He had to stop thinking about it. Fazed (and now dazed), he stumbled off the training pitch, almost tripping on a cone. Youngster Anthony Jones quickly caught his manager before he fell.

"You all right there coach? You don't look too good."

Jones was right. All those thoughts swimming about in his head had made Hollow go pale and weak. Regaining his composure somewhat, he gathered his senses back. "Yeah. Cheers lad."

He dashed back to the comfort of his office chair as fast as he could without falling over again. And his thoughts wandered. Again. He needed to get this under control, especially with such a crucial match against Sel Appa coming up. Turning his computer on, he decided that he needed to get in touch with certain people...

Elves Security Forces

07-02-2008, 04:14

MD7 RP Cutoff

Daehanjeiguk

07-02-2008, 04:16

The question on the block!

What are you?

1: What am I? I'm Han.

2: What am I? I'm Han.

1: Cool! We're both Han!

2: I mean that's my name. I'm Han Jinsuk.

1: Whoa! I'm Han Jinwu! Brothers?

2: Yeah right.

3: What am I? I'm Han.

1: Cool! Another Han!

3: Actually, my name is Song Yukyang. But all of my friends call me Jerry.

1: You look cute, Jerry.

3: Thanks!

4: What am I? I'm gay.

2: WTF? You're my best friend! How could you!

4: What? The thing asked me what I was. How could I lie?

2: I know! You lied to me, but you couldn't lie to it! How could you! *runs away*

5: What am I? I'm not a dick, that's for sure. Get away from me. *goes away*

1: That person has an attitude problem.

6: What am I? I'm the 6th guy to answer this stupid questions, that's what I am.

4: What's your number?

6: Eww, freak. *leaves*

7: Wait. Didn't you just ask him?

3: Oh, you're cute. What's your name?

7: Hwang Jongdang. Who are you?

3: You can call me Jerry. Care for a date?

7: Sure! *leaves with Jerry*

1: I guess it's just us now.

4: Huh? I wasn't paying attention.

8: What am I? I'm running out of time!

1: What's your rush?

8: I've got a presentation in five minutes! And it takes ten minutes to run there! *runs away*

4: He dropped his wig.

9: What am I? I'm a police officer. What are you kids doing here?

*END*

Yafalonia and Bazor 2

07-02-2008, 05:10

"This is a crap Idea, only a Yafalonian would go along with it." mumbled Bob Tredgovsken as he and Narin Valandar wondered the streets of Urajbina.

"You're here going along with it, so what does that make you?" Narin countered.

"Oh, shut up will you and help me find the place."

The 2 managers of FAIL where in The Pazhujeb Islands, land of obnoxious mystery solving teenagers stuck back in the 50's and Turbans.

"You know we could be walking right past him, and we wouldn't even know, with all these damn Turbans"

"Yeah, that's why we gotta find his Catering Business..."

"Oh, the wonderful Irony..."

"What, Irony, what the heck are you going on about?!"

Narin sighed "oh, nevermind let's just back to looking for it alright?"

"Ok, What's it's name again?"

"Urajbina Catering Service"

"What a boring name, surely whoever came up with it could have done a much creative or inspiring name... It's just... dull."

Narin just shrugged, he wanted to get this over with and not hang out anymore with this Bozzo that was walking somewhat close to him.

"Here, we go... Urajbina Castering Service... No job too small..."

Narin chuckled to himself...

"What?!" queried Bob

"Nevermind, let's just go in shall we?"

And that is exactly what they did.

"What may I do for you gentlemen today? Would like to book something in?"

"No, thanks, we want to see the Boss."

"I'm sorry the Boss isn't available, if you would like..." They were interrupted before they could finish.

"Don't tell us that. We want to see the Boss, we want to see Edward."

A familiar voice was heard, they couldn't see where it came from but it was loud and clear. "It's alright, Yes, I'm here what do you want?" Eventually a cockroach crawled up on the counter, it was the person,well Cockroach, they were looking for.

"I'm Bob and this Narin were from FAIL."

"FAIL? Never heard of it."

"The Football Association of the International League of Yafalonia and Bazor 2." Narin explained.

"Oh, those idiots that don't know if they are Yafalonian, Bazorite, both or neither."

"Uhm, yeah... We need your help."

"I'm out of the footballing game guys, I'm running this catering business, keeping low-key. There's a reason I called it 'Urajbina Castering Service' It doesn't really jump out at you does it? "

"Look, the simple answer is, we need someone to coach the team, we can;t do it. We've lost 2 times in a row and the team, and infact us are at each othersd throats."

"It's true I can't stand him, but I'm here with him looking for you."

"Still but why me, you've got so many other to choose from..." stated Edward

"You know I heard that the Hardy's were on a case, something about Chet's iPhone?"

"So?"

"Well, we know that you hate them, your infamous 'god, I hate children' statement."

"See? That's why I'm not involved anymore. I don't want to deal with those obnoxious, sexist morons that somehow to trip over the answer."

"Well, what if we can ensure that the Hardy's never set foot in Yafalonia" Narin was temporarily interjected bob who added "and Bazor 2" before Narin continued.... and we can promise that there are no Media interviews either it'll just be you and the team... no one else..."

The cockroach seemed just to stare blankly for a moment, "Alright, but I'm leaving my business alone, if anything happens Urajbina Castering Service is my first priority, got it?"

"Glad to have you on board." excitedly exclaimed Bob "You won't be disappointed."

"I hope not" said Edward not quite sure what he had just gotten himself in for.

Dancougar

07-02-2008, 05:57

ANNOUNCER: Buy... or Sell!
ROBERT: Buy or Sell time, let's go to work. First up, the Black Wings finally got their first away goal of the tournament last night against Kalmykstan on Akira Morimoto's free kick. Which was great, except it came twenty minutes after Hawkins let Kalmykstan take the lead. Buy or sell Peter Hawkins as the starting goalkeeper in the second half of qualifiers.
JAY: Buy, Vincennes, look at what he's done this season at school. As it turns out, he was a good goalie with a great defense in front of him, because what happened when those guys went away? (+2) Pollock is not even going to finish in the top half of their conference this year, Hawkins has let too many easy shots go by, and it's carried over to the national team. (+1) Get him out of there.
DREW: No, Jay, you have to sell this. Price hasn't played competitive football for almost a year now, he graduated in the spring, so there's no way he's ready to come in against The Holy Empire. (+2) Brandenburg's only had an average season with Rizzi. I think unless they're going to bring in new players for the second half, Hawkins is the best option they have.
KENJI: I'm also selling. You can't blame Hawkins for bad losses when the offense isn't doing its job to keep it close and the midfield keeps giving up the ball. (+3) He's doing the best job with against a lot of shots, and all credit to Kalmykstan, they may be at the bottom of the world, but they defended their house. (+1) Wings too confident going in, blame that hubris, not the goalie.
BRADLEY: I'll also sell it. It's very difficult to play on the road, plenty of teams figure that out when they go up against someone they would otherwise destroy at home. (+2) Kenji's right, he needs more help up front, of course the results look bad when he's one guy out of eleven dealing with the opponents' attacks. (+1)
ROBERT: We move on. So the Wings reach the halfway point fourth in the group, five points out of the final qualifying spot. They have four games at home, which might be the boost they need to make some noise. Buy or sell the Wings making up those points.
KENJI: Sell. They're not going to make those points up unless they get wins against that top three, and it's not going to happen. (+2) Five points in seven games, that gap is a lot larger than it actually looks.
BRADLEY: I'm also selling, it's still too early for this team. Pat French is going to learn from this, the college board is going to learn from this, and they'll improve the quality of the game appropriately to turn out better players. (+1) But right now, they've still looked very shaky. They can't play on the road, and the offense has even had trouble at home. (+1)
JAY: Yeah, it's an easy sell, they have Taeshan, Bettia, and Komekong on the road this time around, and by all indications, they'll be lucky to get more than a point from those three games. (+3) That right there is going to destroy their chances.
DREW: I'll make it a clean sweep. They haven't played consistently throughout this campaign, they're always making adjustments, the inexperience is clearly showing. (+1) Five points is a lot, they're going to need a lot of help from the top teams in addition to getting their own work done. (+1)
ROBERT: Last on the agenda...

Qazox

07-02-2008, 06:07

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

GAME 7: vs. Zwangzug @ Qazian Memorial Stadium
QAZOX 1
Zwangzug 2

The shutout streak is over, and so is the unbeaten streak as Qazox lost to Zwangzug 2-1 earlier today in front of 99,628, the 2nd largest crowd ever in Qazox. Sherlene Scheppe's team record shutout steak of 379 minutes, ended in the 28th minute when Zwangzug's Simon Ryne Olson scored of a breakaway pass from the foot of Claude Seu.

Qazox' Anderson Tarricone managed to tie it up at 1-1 after a brillant set of passes from Letta Smicht, Stevie Spingler and Kallie Jaus. The two sides battled tooth and nail for the next 30 minutes, without either side gaining advantage, until Peter Vanderpent raced by Reid Vidaca, who slipped on the grass, and Vanderpent sliced home the winner in the 83rd minute.

It was a great match between these two teams, not a classic, but a great one, and the replay in Zwangzug on the final matchday should be just as great. Up next for the Pheonix is Lovisa in SaxerVilla at the SaxerDome. Qazox leads Lovisa by only a point in the standings, and a win should be enough to keep them in 2nd place.

Summary:
Zwangzug: Simon Ryne Olson (Goal- 28')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (Yellow Card- 45')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (GOAL- 52')
Zwangzug: Andrew Card (Yellow Card- 76')
Zwangzug: Peter Vanderpent (Goal- 83')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 3
Tarricone- 3
Huhman- 2
Valladores- 2
Farmwald- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-2 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
none

Prux

07-02-2008, 06:39

"LIVE from Pruxton, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Pruxton, Prux for Match 7 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Rugiero, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "Rugiero and Prux are both currnetly tied for 4th in the group. A win here by either team will keep them there."

RJ: "Rugiero, Rugiero, Rugiero... Can't find anything about them."

<plays the Rugiero national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, all 45,890 of them are throwing empty hotdog wrappers onto the field!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts Chanting M-V-P!!!>

Coach: "This crowd loves Matt Victor Paulsen, the local boy!"

RJ: "As well they should, He's been one of our better players so far! And the match begins with Rugerio taking the ball..."

<cut to 5th minute>

RJ: " Matt Victor Paulsen, in front of his hometown has made it 1-0 Prawns!"

Coach: "What a brilliant move there by MVP, as I like to call him, as he just blew past the defender and laced it right home for the goal."

RJ: "He beat that defender like a privately-owned donkey!"

<cut to 19th minute>

RJ: " Matt Victor Paulsen, has scored again and its now 2-0 Prawns!"

Coach: "There is no adjective that can describe how MVP got through that double-team there, RJ. He's just incredible!"

RJ: "The crowd here is going bananas for the local boy and he's feeding off of the energy!"

<cut to 40th minute>

RJ: " Matt Victor Paulsen, has a hat-trick, the 2nd ever for Prux and gives the prawns a 3-0 lead."

Coach: "What a day for MVP here, a hat-trick in front of his hometown and Prux is winning this match easily."

<cut to 45th minute>

RJ: "Not so fast, Rugerio has not made it 3-1 here, just before the end of the First half.

Coach: " Norton was just out of position and couldn't get back in time. He's getting better, but still is a liability I think."

RJ: "Well there goes the whistle, 3-1 Prux, at the Half."

<cut to 50th minute>

RJ: "I don't believe what I just saw! James Nobel just ncked the pass from Hedge into the net and its 4-1 Prux."

Coach: "The Prawns are just destroying this Rugerio team.. and The crowd is chanting for blood, literally and figuratively!

RJ: "Look at Mr. Nicnann. He's got that look on his face, the look of someone who wants to destroy his opposition"

<cut to 71st minute>

RJ: "And there it is, 4 Goals for Matt Victor Paulsen, tying 007's record and the crowd is showering him with chants of 'MVP!', as it's now 5-1 Prawns. "

Coach: "And a unusual move here by Mr. Nicnann, as MVP has been subbed out for Chris Jerusalem."

RJ: "OMY MY DOG! The crowd is booing Mr. Nicnann and he just flipped them off! I can't believe it!

<cut to 80th minute>

RJ: "And it's now 5-2 Prux as Rugerio slipped one by Norton. Norton was taken down by one of the Rugerio players and the ref didn't call it!!!"

Coach: "That was a bad call there, by that ref. He should be hit with a steel chair! "

RJ: "I don't condone violence upon referees, but in this case, I agree with you Coach, that was a horrid non-call!"

<cut to 91st minute>

RJ: "With about a minute left to go until injury time is over, Chris Jerusalem has just made it 6-2 Prux as Rugerio just go run out of the stadium on the wrong end of a arsestomping."

Coach: "I hope this match bodes well for the second half of qualifers. If the Prawns score like this every match, we'll win them all!"

RJ: "And there's the final whistle. 6-2 Prux wins and stays in 4th place in Group 1!"

<END of match>

RJ: "A very one-sided 6-2 win for the Prawns in a match they needed to keep pace atop the group. Up next is Milchama back here in Pruxton. For Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you next week!

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-8 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-4
Hedge-2 (1- pk)
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Green wombat

07-02-2008, 06:49

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS draw Krytenia in hard fought match.

In a bit of a change from the usual 4-4-2, the Wombats switched to a 3-4-3 in an effort to boost offensive play. It didn't really work as the Wombats nly managed 1 goal again in a 1-1 draw with Krytenia. Phillip Milligan, in a rare start, got his first goal in the 63rd minute, which tied the match. Krytenia's Mark Lucas opened the scoring in the 39th minute.

So far in 7 matches, the Wombats are 2-2-3. Miles better than what they were 4 years ago (0-2-5), but not quite back to World Cup 34 and 35 standards. But every bit helps. The team is 5 points out of qualification, and probably won't get in, but a 4th place finish is not out of the realm of possibility.

Up next is Bostopia, here in Green wombat. Last time Bostopia won 2-0, but i think that the score will be closer, as a 1-1 draw seems likely.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Danica Howes- 1
Phillip Milligan-1

Qazox

07-02-2008, 07:15

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 first half Awards

It's the Halfway point of the qualifers and it's time to hand out some awards.

BEST TEAM OF THE FIRST HALF

Based solely on records, this award should be shared by Squornshelous, Zwangzug and Arridia, all 7-0-0. But the best team of the First half goes to DEMOT for being unbeaten in the Group of Death (5-2-0) with the highest Goal differential to boot (+27). Runner-up: Squornshelous.

Worst team of the first half.

Once again, based solely on records, this award should be shared by Minilla Island West, Algal States, Loutra oreas Elenis, Carcim and Wavispa, all 0-0-7. But the worst team of the first half is Evil Polish Donors. EPD has the worst goal differential (-23) and has barely been in any of its matches. The five winless squads at least can keep it close, while EPD has lost by scores of 8-0, 4-0, 3-0, and 5-2. Runner-up: Minilla Island West.

BEST Q-CONTINUUM PLAYER

A rather easy choice here, but let's look at the canidates:
QAZOX: Sherlene Scheppe (4 shutouts in 7 matches, 0.57 GAA)
Green wombat: Claudia Bard (3 goals in 7 matches)
Prux: Matt Victor Paulsen (8 goals in 7 matches, 4 goals last game)
taeshan: Ryan williams (4 goals in 6 matches)
Ashalea: (Joe Bagel 4 goals in 7 matches)

Winner: Sherlene Scheppe . Not including the Zwangzug match, has allowed only 2 goals in about 427 minutes of play. 379 Minutes goal-less streak and 3 straight shutouts? While Prux's MVP has been impressive with his goal scoring, they've come against the weaker teams in that group, not the stronger ones.

(ooc: please note while the 'awards' are IC, the comments are OOC)
BEST RPing NATION

So far the best RPing nation has been: Sorthern Northland. Their RP's are good to read, and easy to understand and they don't waste space with pictures or long droning explainations that almost make me fall asleep. Runner-up: The Archregimancy. Poetry is a lost art nowadays.

WORST RPing NATION

The Worst so far: THOSE THAT HAVEN'T RP'ed ANYTHING!!!!- You all are just wasting my time here if you don't post anything. At least post a roster, I'm tired of using just a country and a time or trying to make up a name for your player(s) or just using a position. If you can't RP at least once (that includes posting a roster), then kindly let someone else who will take your place.
Runner-up: Prux, the wrestling thing is not really working it for me.

Hopeless SC

07-02-2008, 09:30

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Finally! Your team got its first win of World Cup 39, but it was in a match they should have dominated, even though it was on the road. Still, it’s a step in the right direction for your team, let’s see if they can keep it up.

Grades for Komekong match:
Effort: D-
Control: D
Offense: D+
Defense: D-
Overall: D

Lesson Your Team Learned: Even against inexperienced teams, you have to bring it on the road when you’re a middle of the pack team.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderate

LARSON ON HOT SEAT?

It is rumored that Wanderers Head Coach Thomas Larson may be on the proverbial hot seat. He’s had success in the Baptism of Fire and Cup of Harmony, but has had effectively no success in the World Cup, and ultimately that’s where it matters. Administrator Brian Peterson refused to comment on the situation when asked. Larson has only won three matches in World Cup play through the first half of qualifying for World Cup 39, and none of those wins have come at home. Yes, this may be a learning experience for the Wanderers, but the fans will start staying home if the team can’t find a way to win, or score for that matter, at home.

MID-QUALIFYING AWARDS

Best Team: Squornshelous (7-0-0, +22 GD)

Squorn is dominating the most competitive group at the midway point of qualifying, winning by better than three goals per match in a group where six teams are already in double-figures in points.

Other Nominees: Demot (5-0-2, +27 in a tough group), Cafendu (6-1-0, +22), Zwangzug (7-0-0, +13), Ariddia (7-0-0, +24), Az-cz (6-1-0, +16)

Worst Team: Carcim (0-0-7, -15 GD)

Sure, they’re only losing by a little over two goals per match, but take one look at their goals scored total and you can easily see why they won this award…a big, fat 0.

Other Nominees: Violitism (0-1-6, -14), Evil Polish Donors (0-1-6, -23), Algal States (0-0-7, -17), Loutra oreas Elenis (0-0-7, -19), Minilla Island West (0-0-7, -17), Wavispa (0-0-7, -15)

Surprise Team: Cafendu (6-1-0, +22 GD)

Admittedly, this may be a pick out of ignorance. I can’t remember hearing much about them recently in the World Cup, so for them to be undefeated and on top of their group is an accomplishment. However, Group 5 is far from the toughest group out there.

Other Nominees: Prux (3-2-2, +4), Vephrall (6-0-1, +13), Scotchpinestan (4-0-3, -3), Sorthern Northland (6-0-1, +14)

Biggest Disappointment: Hopeless SC (1-3-3, -4 GD)

Statistically, you have to wonder why the Wanderers are a disappointment, but if you look a little deeper it quickly becomes clear. Despite a tough schedule, to have only scored four goals is unacceptable, even for a team as defensive as the Wanderers. You also have to keep in mind that they’re fresh of a surprise semifinal appearance in Cup of Harmony 30, so expectations were high coming in.

Other Nominees: Magnus Valerius (0-4-3, -5), Sel Appa (4-1-2, +12), Nire and Nire (1-3-3, -7)

Golden Foot (most goals): Demot 32, Ariddia 28, Az-cz 26, Squornshelous 25

Lead Foot (fewest goals) Carcim 0, Minilla Island West 1, Gweridijongya 3, McPsychoville 3, 8-way tie at 4

Sieve-Sieve-Sieve (worst defense): Evil Polish Donors 28, Blouman Empire 26, Dinos Pizza 24, Loutra oreas Elenis 23

Stone Wall (best defense): Cafendu 2, Squornshelous 3, 5-way tie at 4

Kura-Pelland

07-02-2008, 12:42

St Samuel have been dreadful in this qualifying campaign; a lack of media coverage can't have helped, but there were still plenty willing to spend one short day in the capital city of Trilan hoping to see an upset, perhaps helped by Kura-Pelland-based players. Or perhaps they just wanted to see Shanvley Stadium; with its spectacular roof and imposing scale, it's the proudliest sight there is in this city.

One problem. One of those players based in Kura-Pelland was young striker Frankie di Coa, who has been in bad form at Murley City since being sold from AS Assiri to give the even younger Norbert Fiero his chance of emerging spectacularly.

And given a surprise first-team call-up despite recovering from a hamstring injury, ahead of the rested Jose Cazarez and Fedde Beattis - playing with big man Andy Madden - Fiero took his chance for his country quite brilliantly.

It was quite clear that St Samuel's defence couldn't cope with Fiero swinging and sweeping through the defence, and he was keeping cool in front of goal as well - giving Kura-Pelland an eighth-minute lead with a sidefooted shot from just left of the penalty spot right into the bottom-right corner. St Samuel were reeling, but these things are sent to try us.

St Samuel failed that challenge. And their views of Fiero swung to unadulterated loathing when he lobbed the goalkeeper from 35 yards on the half-hour. Just to top that, Fiero's lofted pass was headed in by Andy Madden to make it 3-0 in the 39th minute, and some away fans were already leaving the ground to sample the other delights of Trilan, as there was so much to visit before their day was through. Most of them were probably just going to settle for the bars, to be honest. And goodness knows, their lives must have been lonely at that point.

Fiero was substituted at half-time by the manager, who in the post-match interview likened helping his young charge with his ascent to bringing up a child (he has no children himself), and to protect the lead Bo Phelps was bought on. Phelps duly responded to his role as only he knows how, by bursting out of defence, playing a one-two with Iain Belling, then smashing a first-time shot into the top corner from 25 yards with his left foot. Truly outrageous.

The 4-0 score puts Kura-Pelland second in their group at halfway, one point off top spot and well clear of fourth. They also have an immense goal difference advantage over everyone, a full eight goals. Next up in qualifying, as we go round again, is Violitism, who have one player, and a rabid fanbase who actually want their opponents to go and hunt him and probably kill him. One thing's for sure, that 'team' is effectively eliminated.

Kura-Pelland will bring a full team to this match, after playing one-on-one at home against them in the home match (which was also moved to Eenigen).

--------------------------

The winner of the International Challenge, by means of smart use of a search engine provided by the advertising agency named after a very large number, is Zwangzug. The friendly will be arranged for the pre-finals period at Shanvley Stadium.

The hidden theme will be revealed in the next matchday. You can continue to guess, but don't start to wish you got it first. Wishing only wounds the heart.

Sorthern Northland

07-02-2008, 13:31

http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/104/800pxmorningstartitlewq8.gif (http://imageshack.us)

A professor from the University of the Not So Obvious (who keeps making these places!?) has today released a report on Taeshani media following the announcement a while back that the University of the Bleeding Obvious wetre studying the subject.

Speaking about why he was doing it he said, "To do reports like these you have to be looking at it from a neutral point of view. I'm ninety nine percent certain the University of the Bleeding Obvious wern't going to do that. They are going in with preconceptions they have of the media of Taeshan and I'm sure they won't of let anything change their minds. I wanted to do a report that looked upon the subject in a fair light."

Going on to reveal the results he found he said, "You can't expect every nation to have the best media service in the world and Taeshan doesn't have that but it is still very good. Yes a lot of their articles are a bit short but when I'm sitting on the train that's just what I want. Short articles that are quick to read and tell me the main points. I don't want to read a bloody essay like you get in the media in Sorthern Northland. And another thing it's not full of bloody Communist propaganda or praising that drunk idiot Ben O'Bagels. So overall I say all credit to Taeshan."

Asked what he thought of the University of the Bleeding Obvious he muttered, "I tell you what, you know what they should study next? Whether anyone cares about them or what they have to say and whether they should stay open. In fact they don't even need to study those subjects, I for one can tell you the answers to those questions right now."

Fujisawan Territories

07-02-2008, 13:42

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Territories Lose Again, But Show Signs of Improvement
Fans Bewildered by Bizarre ‘Halftime from Hell’

Hoji, Iwosaka- The Fujisawan Territories hosted Quakmybush at Crosscom Global Arena, losing, yet showing signs of improvement. Against the top ranked team in their group, the Territories scored more points in the game than during any other game thus far despite losing 4-2. Masumi Matsumara scored in the 39th minute and Takuji Motoyoshi scored in the 62nd minute for the Territories.

The game featured Naozane Watari filling in for Hirotaka Shibukji, who is barred from participating and Motoyoshi filling in for the injured Izukoza Yoko. “Even with a loss, we can appreciate the slight improvements we’ve made. It’s not nearly enough, but I think we’re headed in the right direction,” Coach Distefano said following the game.

If you were wondering what all the halftime cacophony at Crosscom Stadium was, you weren’t alone.
Just before halftime, Hoji Police Department cruisers swarmed the parking lots of Crosscom Global Arena, lit up like Christmas trees, sirens blaring. Almost as soon as halftime began, and moments after the Shaojin Warriors entered the locker room for a short halftime pep talk from coach Stephen Distefano, uniformed HPD officers rushed across the field and burst into the Shaojin Warriors’ locker room. There, they placed Hirotaka Shibukji, -who though barred from playing in any further matches, still travels with the team- under arrest on charges of conspiracy to commit homicide, concealment of a deadly weapon, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted homicide. A deadly weapon in the Territories is defined as any item which is used for the sole purpose of causing more bodily harm than a clenched fist.

However, before they could place Shibukji under arrest, he allegedly put up a struggle and was tazed at least three times. Shortly thereafter, Shibukji complained of chest pain, and paramedics from the Hoji Fire Department who were already covering the game responded. HPD officers handcuffed Shibukji and he was placed face down on a stretcher as he was taken to an ambulance waiting outside Crosscom Global Arena.

HPD had to leave the stadium the same way they came in, which meant bringing Shibukji out in the open across the field. Over twenty HPD officers escorted Shibukji from the stadium, surrounding him in case fans tried to storm the field. Instead, wild, deafening applause met the HPD officers as they made their way out of the stadium.

The charges stem from the Territories’ game against Prux in which Shibukji used brass knuckles to assault an opposing player. While Shibukji was being placed under arrest, plain clothes officers from the Warrants and Subpoenas Division served subpoenas to the remaining twenty-two members of the Shaojin Warriors and Coach Distefano as Witnesses of Territorial District 1, Island of Iwosaka in an upcoming preliminary hearing.

Shibukji was booked on all charges at Iwosaka Territorial Correctional Institution after being treated in the Emergency Room at Hoji Medical and Comprehensive Trauma Center, and is being held without bail pending the preliminary hearing and an arraignment. The lead prosecutor in the case, Nanako Sonoda, said she will push full charges even without the consent of Prux officials, and even though the offenses didn’t occur on Territorial soil. “I refuse to wait around for Mr. Helms to press charges, and we have every right to charge Mr. Shibukji ourselves since he was representing our country abroad,” Sonoda said in a statement released to the media following Shibukji’s arrest. Fujisawan Mainland and Territorial law allows crimes committed by Fujisawans abroad to be prosecuted on the Mainland and in the Territories.

Sonoda said the filing of an additional charge of resisting arrest is pending.

Meanwhile, Izukoza Yoko had her right ankle examined at Hoji Metropolitan Hospital for Women, Children, and the Economically Disadvantaged in Magiku this afternoon. Dr. Morouji Baisotei, an orthopedic surgeon at the sprawling inner-city hospital said late today that Yoko will need surgery to stabilize her ankle an insert a screw, and that the procedure is routine and should take about an hour and forty-five minutes. Dr. Baisotei said that there’s a good probability that Yoko could be scheduled by week’s end.

Next up for the Fujisawan Territories is Rugiero in the Crosscom Global Arena.

*A note to all fans attending the upcoming Rugiero game...HPD has announced they will introduce checkpoints at all the entrances to Crosscom Global Arena, as well as SkyTransit boarding and offloading stations, and intend to arrest any individual who is in possession of any of the following items:

Alcoholic Beverages
Narcotics
Firearms
Fireworks or Personal Pyrotechnical Items
Pepper Spray and Mace
Brass Knuckles
Display Swords to include Katanas
Knives of any blade length to include Pocket Knives
Chains, Ropes or any similar items which can be used to strangulate or swing with deadly force
Baseball Bats
Tire Irons
Scissors
Any sharp object which can be used to stab
Any object which can be used to club

An additional thirty HPD officers will be on hand to conduct pat down searches of every individual entering Crosscom Global Arena including participating teams. Be prepared to empty out your pockets. No bags or backpacks will be allowed inside Crosscom Global Arena and only one cooler per person is allowed, subject to inspection.

For the safety of everyone, twenty additional officers from the HPD Bicycle Patrol Division will be patrolling the parking lots outside of Crosscom Global Arena as well.

Alasdair I Frosticus

07-02-2008, 13:42

[OOC: For the record, I love the sheer ludicrous wonderful silliness of writing 'Tiddles Park' in this context!]

THE MATCH AGAINST BETTIA

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I CRIED when Bettia took a two-nil lead:
'Let Tzimisces call and supporters cry where they will,
I long for merry and tender and pitiful fields,
Where our wins are unending, and there is no doubt in my mind.'
The honey-pale floodlights loomed low on Tiddles Park,
And I fell asleep among the ground's supporting beams.
Our squad has withered before the Bettian wind
Our squad has withered because of Bettian dreams

I know of the grassy paths that our forwards take
Who come with their mighty shots against defenders fooled,
And their secret smile, out of the depths of our Realm;
I know where a dim moon drifts, where our squad's kind
Wind and unwind their tactics when the light grows cool
On the Bettian lawns, their feet where the sideline gleams.
Our squad no longer withered before the Bettian wind
Our squad no longer withered because of Bettian dreams

I know ours is a sleepy country, where swans fly round
Coupled with golden chains, and sing as they fly.
Our Emperor is wandering there, and the sound
Of our two goal comeback so happy and hopeless, so deaf and so blind
Cheers him, though he wanders till all the years have gone by;
I know, as the news wakes me 'midst the Tiddles Park beams.
The Bettians now withered before the Imperial wind
The Bettians now withered because of Imperial dreams

Candelaria And Marquez

07-02-2008, 14:18

The Gassett Candelariasian Online>Sports>Football>Newswires

Donnelly celebrates ‘superb result’ C&M manager Lloyd Donnelly, who usually can be counted upon to dampen enthusiasm after any positive performance, was all smiles this evening following the Big Blues four-nil victory over Nire and Nire in El din.

La Decimotercia was the smallest ground that the senior side had yet played a competitive home match, but the twenty-seven thousand locals were in fine voice. It was just a pity that there were no Nire and Nire officials or dignitaries to enjoy the unique hospitality offered by the Cathedral City fans; though the awkward faces of CAMAFA President Owen Jones and Minister for Sport Tatulya Samed as they squeezed in amongst the legions of deafening Hispanic fans was a joy to behold.

Donnelly had made the brave-verging-on-foolhardy decision to shake up his first XI; perhaps after accusations of recent staleness on his mind, perhaps simply mindful of a series of defining games to come including back-to-back matches with Northern Bettia and Az-cz. The Nires for their part were coming off the back of a one-all draw with the world champions, but that result appeared to have exhausted their supply of upsets. Who ‘they’ were, of course, remains an utter mystery; since their country’s national FA and government maintains that no national team was entered into this season’s qualifying campaign, and they remained anonymous throughout with TV1’s commentators forced to use shirt numbers. The away side’s players and management declined to talk to the Candelariasian media, though it is believed that Ms Samed may have spoken to the team manager and captain briefly following the game.

In truth; the thumping scoreline, though deserved, will do little to enhance the chances of the six newcomers to the first team with the away side all over the place – particularly in defence. More worrying was C&M’s continued holes left in their own defence; a natural outcome of Donnelly’s offensive formation but something which C&M senior team defenders have seldom had to deal with before. But for a last-ditch tackle from the retained captain Benji Fu, the Nires could have taken a shock early lead.

In the final examination, the relative assurity on and off the ball of Szczechowicz, Fu, Redway and Jordan compared to their opposite numbers did the damage. On fourteen minutes Ignacio Vélez caught the number five dithering and brushed past him to send a cross across goal for Holger Pi, the Turks’ Club striker scoring his first goal on his first start.

The presence of Ben Edwards and Jos Cornelisse on each flank gave the Big Blues some unaccustomed width and they soon punished the visitors for giving the ball away at the back. On the half hour Vélez fed Fred Ma who charged towards goal and set up the unmarked Cornelisse, the veteran FC Lasft star having a whale of a time getting in behind N&N’s back four. The left kept his composure and finished beautifully for only his third in forty-three caps.

The game was done and dusted early in the second half, following another goal from Pi from an Edwards corner and a simple solo effort from Vélez – his twenty-fifth for C&M. Sticking ten men behind the ball stopped chances of a late rout while Redway was fortunate not to concede a ninetieth-minute penalty, but the scratch side could feel happy with their day’s work.

Second Pop disrupts game The second half of the WC39 Qualifying match between Candelaria And Marquez and Nire and Nire was delayed by twenty minutes following a second Pop in recent weeks. Speaking on TTO’s Evening News last night, Professor Ciara Annicchero of the Korolyov University, Descartesland, described the two incidents as “weather-balloon related”, and as “freak occurrences caused by the unusual position of Venus in the night’s sky.” She confirmed press reports that Space Programme facilities in both the Candelarias and Gatesville had been monitoring the phenomena, but had not expected Candelariasian citizens to be affected. She and counterparts from Albrecht University and the Home Office maintained last night that “more occurrences of this admittedly disconcerting phenomenon are highly unlikely” but that they are in any case harmless.

Thousands of Candelariasians reported nausea, dizziness and in some cases briefly entering a delusional state in the minutes following the two Pops, aside from the unpleasant noise.

Annicchero went on to dismiss media reports from Bostopia claiming the ‘resurrection’ of their deceased Emperor, stating that C&M Universities and the Foreign Office would continue to monitor the situation given the current state of near-war between the Bostopians and Sorthern Northland, with whom C&M maintains positive diplomatic relations, but that there remained no evidence to support the UFR dictatorship’s science-defying claims.

Big Blues ready for Cafundéu Donnelly’s squad will remain in Marquez this week to prepare for the arrival of the Cafundelense team ahead of one of the most highly anticipated friendlies in C&M’s sporting history. The Estadio Arrigo Nacional will unsurprisingly host the Monopolists, with C&M’s second city home to almost the entirety of the Cafundelense community in the Candelarias; and the visitors are expected to put out a strong side, being comfortably in the lead of their group and coming off the back of a six-nil demolition of Solenial – a side that held C&M to a draw in the Cup of Harmony not so many years ago.

Donnelly is privately believed to be unhappy at the choice of opponents, with political pressure to include as many Hispanic players as possible. As it happens, all seven of the Marquez-born players in the squad are expected to start (with the only non Spanish-speaker among them, Mars Douyadari, in for the rested Benji Fu), but the home manager will likely attempt to give most if not all of the six a rest for much of the second half. The team is otherwise unchanged from the Jariss game and established XI, aside from the return of Özkan Yalçin as the left wing-back after injury in place of Doug Szczechowicz. Ben Head will take the captain’s armband.

Speaking on Cafundelense radio, América manager Javier Sanchez – one of only two Candelariasian managers working in overseas professional leagues – claimed that the pace of Douyadari and Lorenzo De Wilde may be enough to deal with star man Flecha but suggested that Franz Braddock Saulo a start with the equally instinctive Benji Fu rested. He added however that C&M will surely have to adopt less gung-ho tactics against Cafundéu or risk a bloodbath via their strikers; pointing out the incredible goal-scoring form of Gamboa FC’s Sargento Castelão and Parwood City’s Bilú, C&M- and Kura-Pelland-based players scorching league defences but considered nowhere near the Monopolists squad.

________________

[OOC: Hewwo. In this new era of transparency; I should probably mention that, although I haven’t employed family members to RP for me or owt (ooh, topical reference), the below (and indeed henceforth below for the next few days) was written over a couple of grim days over the festive period while nursing a broken toe. It therefore has little to do with the World Cup, at least on a match-by-match basis, and therefore probably shouldn’t be counted towards ye olde bonuse. Unless you’re feeling especially generous, ESF. Which, let’s be honest…

The bonus of knowing that it will send Qaz to sleep is more than enough for me.

Incidentally, studies have suggested that it takes approximately four scrolls of a mouse wheel to skip through one of my efforts. Feel free to experiment with five, or even three if you’re feeling particularly brave.

Thank you for your time.]

________________

Elsewhere…

Perhaps ironically, it was the copious amounts of H2O outside the flat that brought her back to Earth first. Summer rain battered the double-glazing and she listened to it for a while before the amount of sweat that had been pouring off her over the last few… whatevers became too obvious.

Sukie slipped out of bed and muttered “nothing to worry about, just a dream, can’t hurt you now…” a few times over as she flung on some clothes. It was ten to seven, according to the alarm clock; a good hour and a half before she needed to get into Albrecht Special Hospital. Still, it would give her time to savour her cornflakes before negotiating the city’s public transport system. She generally avoided taxis if she could, and the buses didn’t care for more than a millimetre of rain of a Friday morning.

She felt embarrassed, frankly, which for Sukie Rohaert was barely preferable to torture. On the plus side, no-one had been around to see her scared beyond belief by a dream she could barely remember now, but still… Sukie had taught herself at a young age what actual and potential experiences in life were worth being scared off, and had found ways of nullifying the effects of the rest. Usually the Rest involved other people, and the scariness of other people was soon eliminated when you sat down and analysed them for the weak little nothings they really were. But dreams… They were tricky.

Sukie pulled back the curtains. The shower had stopped, but the cityscape that greeted her was still masked in a dark cloak of heaving clouds. She let her eyes adjust, and watched vaguely as a satyr trotted down the street followed closely by a large tank.

She quietly dropped back down on the bed. It had been a dream. This however, in all probability, wasn’t. She sighed grimly and looked out of the window again. The creature and its pursuing vehicle had vanished up the road, but the harpy staring into the flat with interest appeared most tangible indeed. Sukie waved at it hesitantly, and it squawked off into the sky. It was at this point that Sukie noticed the two huge crains looming above the city, and at least one skyscraper she’d sworn she’d never noticed before.

A couple of teenagers wandered past her block, arm in arm. They didn’t seem especially perturbed by the day’s events. Perhaps they hadn’t noticed.

Sukie quietly pulled the curtains shut and switched on the radio.

“Mary’s Park,” a voice suggested.

“Ooh, I say.”

“You didn’t see that coming, did you!”

“No, I uh… Right; Capenton Street!”

“Heavens, man!”

“Hang on, hang on… Doesn’t that transfer inversely?”

“I think you’ll find it doesn’t…”

“I… No, because I was in spoon on that last round, wasn’t it? Oh, I’m a fool t’meself.”

“Impossible Bay East.”

“Pumphuttown.”

“Dale.”

“You’re coming from behind there.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. Henry!”

“Huh? Whu-whu?”

“We need a ruling.”

“Lesbian Wives versus the State, 1998.”

“My go then. Hanna’s Village.”

“Oh, you silly boy.”

“What?”

“Seymour Street!”

“Oh, well played!”

Sukie pulled herself together and changed the station. At least the radio thought everything was perfectly normal, although this was R-One. The sun could be eaten in broad daylight by a dragon of some sort, and they’d decline to mention it. Now there was a station who knew on what side their bread was buttered.

“¡Hacer el carro rueda con mis perros femeninos e instrumentos que cultivan un huerto a través de las calles de mi aleta de la piel detrás de la cabeza de una cobra que se enfría cada vez más con mis muchachos caseros! ¡¿Usted no confirmaría que éste es el caso?!*” another channel offered. She flicked the switch again.

“The angry god will brook no longer staaaay! Jove commands thee waste no m–”

*Click*

“I’m telling you, you recalcitrant lump; they’re here to stay! You need to – you need to – buh-buh-buh-buh! Listen to me, George. You need to get over it and start–”

*Click*

“Mire, no puedo hablar una palabra del español, aparte de macho y tortilla y materia, así que estoy confiando en los pescados de Babel. Justo acéptela y pare el ser tan picky.”

*Click*

“Being totally honest here, Joe, what chance do you think we really have in Caires tomorrow?” The voice this time was easily recognisable as belonging to Jenny Koçgündüz, a popular newsreader on TTO. What she was doing on the radio was anyone’s guess.

“Ah, well, look,” a male voice was replying, “I want to be positive, of course, we’ve got home advantage after all, but… Let’s be honest, we’re not the team we were in the mid-nineties, and the Pruxians are world champions for a reason. Defensively, if we keep the jam roly-poly on the left wing at bay I don’t reckon they’ll challenge ol’ Johnson in goal much, but they themselves have got those two brick outhouses and the girl with the seventeen arms at the back and what have we go to challenge them? Smith and Painajainen.”

“You think with Sophie Cabbage suspended for the first game…?”

“I really worry about our likelihood of finding the back of the net, Jen, aye.”

“Alright Joe, thanks for talking to us and we all hope everything goes to plan tomorrow. Joe Hoover, vice chair of the C&Mfans Unofficial Supporters Club, there. Alright, back to our main story tonight… (pauses for dramatic Bong!) … and Candelarias Armed Defence officials are still yet to confirm press reports that the Candelariasian-Bettian force dispatched to Lei-Laz has indeed managed to rout the Han force stationed in the city after a four day campaign. CBC’s Lorna Byrne has told us in the last few minutes that an operation has already been launched to mop-up the remaining stragglers, but Pacitalian state television is still reporting that the Humanitarian Alliance’s grip on Devonia remains as strong as ever. We can speak now to Minister for War, Walter Johann. Mr Johann, the question everyone’s been asking is wh–”

*CLICK*

Sukie opted against discovering the question everyone had been asking. The jam roly-poly had tipped her over the edge. She gave herself several more moments to compose her thoughts before tottering carefully into the next room, opening the chest of drawers by the telephone, taking out the weighty tome that was the national phone book, and flicking towards the Hs.

*Candelarias Spanish Hip Hop, originating in Arrigo and known as Oro oso. Rolling wiv ma bitches and hos thru ma hood an’ chillin’ wiv ma homies, innit? Probably.

Starblaydia

07-02-2008, 14:35

Hat Into The Ring
Starblaydia to co-host World Cup 40?

The very good performance by Starblaydia's national football team to defeat Minilla Island West has fallen completely by the wayside following the announcement of Starblaydia's bid to co-host World Cup 40 with Bekkside neighbours Krytenia.

The goals that came from Alfonso Di Angelo, Batou Nakamura, Lubii and Antonio Mora were totally overshadowed by what has been described by foreign commentators as 'the most ambitious and audacious hosting bid in history'. Starblaydia and Krytenia unveiled shock plans to play host to not only the World Cup Finals, but also the corresponding Baptism of Fire and Cup of Harmony. If they manage to pull it off when the votes go to the World Cup Committee, then the everlasting Lake Bekk will become the one beacon of football, an oasis of soccer in a comparative global desert. Three tournaments - four if you include the fourth Di Bradini Cup for Under-21s - all compacted into two nations for the most massive organisational challenge outside of the Olympic Games.

Betanii Marrones was besieged by questions surrounding the bid, asking the fifty year-old what her opinions were on the subject a thousand different ways. 'Very exciting', she said, 'a great opportunity', she said. Yes, she 'had been consulted', she said. The reasons why no-one wanted to talk about the staggering midfield performance of seventeen year old Batou Nakamura, or the goal he made for Lubii, her third international strike, were beyond the Starblaydi manager's comprehension. As ever, the press dictate what stories are written, and they seemed to think something possibly happening in four years time was more important than something that had happened moments ago.

For the record, Starblaydia gained all three points but remain fifth in Group Six after Estresse Intenso picked up a 1-0 win over Wing Wang Woo, who Starblaydia thrashed 6-2 on the previous Matchday. Lovisa also gained a victory, keeping Starblaydia five points from the Qualification spots, but Qazox lost to one hundred percenters Zwangzug, narrowing the pack to six points separating second to fifth. Starblaydia themselves are four points above Samcoa in sixth, and the race for Qualification is well and truly hotting up. A point here or there, perhaps even a win when required and Starblaydia could well find themselves in a Qualification position come the fourteenth Matchday. We all know how unlikely that is, however, but there is always room for hope.

Hope, it seems, was a major driving force behind the actions of Starblaydia and Krytenia in announcing their bid. Hope for the future, that the nations of the World will continue to come together in displays of sporting harmony, rather than simply fade out of existence. For all their reasons, empassioned appeals and the driving force of history behind them, Starblaydia and Krytenia may find it just as tough to win and host the 40th Cup as they will to qualify for the 39th.

Blouman Empire

07-02-2008, 15:37

SLIM LEAVES TOWN

As Gordon Shumway once said of chances "Slim to None, and slims out of town" and so too has the empires chances of qualifying for the World Cup. Although it was well known by many people around the world that group 3 in which the Empire had been drawn was considered to be the group of death with 5 of the 8 teams in the top 55 in the world with many years experience, it was hoped however that the Empire would be competitive and offer some of the mid ranked groups a challenge unfortunately this has failed to materialise with the empire only winning one game drawing two and losing 4, with a bad defence allowing 26 goals only half way through the qualifiers. While the team has the chance of making the qualifiers most betting agencies and bookies have payed out to those who bet that the empire would not qualify which started on average to be 1.5-1 and before the last game had fallen to 1.01-1, all bookies have closed bets to this result but they still are taking bets for the empire to make the Qualifiers currently at 175-1.

The seventh game of the season saw the Empire bow down to The Archregimancy 5-0. From the very beginning the team never looked like winning with a goal in the 10th minute by the strikers and then again in the 12th the Archregimancy who call themselves the Monks scored another goal in the 40th minute against a defence that looked downtrodden and had given up. After the break the team fared no better with the Monks scoring an easy goal from in the 70th minute and again in the 88th. After the final whistle as the team left the field the 58000 fans who had decided to show up booed the home side off the field.

Jariss

07-02-2008, 15:37

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

Halfway Home

With their 3-1 win over Wavispa, the Spiders have both ended their two match scoreless losing streak and got their first road points of the first half of qualifiers as we reach the halfway point. The team is currently at 10 points putting them tied with Endmile on points but down 1 in the goal differential. However this is still only 2 points behind the surging Fire Ants of Northern Bettia who took their defeat at the Spiders’ hands as a wakeup call as they’ve won their last three in a row.

While the top two teams, Az-cz and Candelaria And Marquez are well clear of the rest at 19 and 18 points respectively the final playoff spot looks to be up for grabs between these other three teams as the rest of the group has fallen off the pace. A significant obstacle for the Spiders is that this time they will be playing more road matches than home matches where seven of our ten points have been earned. The team will have to play better on the road if they wish to keep up. Also it is clear that they must get more than the three points in the first half they got in the Endmile, Northern Bettia, Az-cz, Candelaria And Marquez stretch if they want to advance.

This will be a tough task for the team but other than the Az-cz meltdown, the Spiders have been stiff competition to the other teams in the group allowing only other three goals and only allowing more than one goal in the Az-cz match only. Hopefully this will inspire the team for a better showing when the Gnomes visit the Jariss Arena in the second half. This effort if continued should propel the team to a better than expected finish even if they fall short of the playoffs.

Blouman Empire

07-02-2008, 16:00

Police Hunt For Streaker Who Offended The Archregimancy
Woman Who Kissed Monk On The Run
The Archregimancy Yet To Issue Statement

A woman who ran on to the field naked during the last home match against The Archregimancy where the empire went down 5-0 went one further then her performance at the first home qualifying game against The Pazhujeb Islands. When the woman ran up to one of the players/monk and kissed him before running off again with police and security in full pursuit. Like the last time she committed this crime and managed to slip away she is now on the hunt with police releasing images and wants anyone who has any information on the identity of this woman to please come forward. The distraction gave the home fans some much needed entertainment as the team was 4-0 down with only 10 minutes left in the game. The Archregimancy are yet to release a statement on this incident. But the President of the FFB wishes to apologise to the team for the incident as to does the Emperor who also wishes to express his regret to the entire nation for this unfortunate incident. The art of streaking was banned in Braxon one month ago after a number of streaking incidents at sporting events prompted the move by the executive council.

OOC: As I wont have access to a computer over the next few days this will be the last RP for a while it didn't really matter as the team is out of the cup I will be back for the last couple of games. Good luck for the rest of the Cup all other players

Tynelia

07-02-2008, 16:06

“Agent Smith, I have word from our inside man. He thinks he may have found something to cause something called a crisis of faith, I think its called.” Agent Jones said as he entered his superior’s office.

“I see and what might that be?” Agent Smith replied.

“This idea they have of the ‘Keeper’ is some sort of demonic force opposed to their glowing soccer ball god. My agent believes he can undermine the faith of the religious nuts by showing how they actually worship this ‘Keeper’ every time they have a match- or what they call their services.” Jones explained.

“Of course, as a soccer team has to have a keeper the fact they use one in every soccer match would prove that they don’t really wish to follow their lord otherwise they would just have an empty net to shoot at. That sounds stupid enough for some religious nutbag to have brain damage over. Excellent work. Keep me posted.” Smith said then added as Agent Jones turned to leave. “One moment, well done on the first half.”

“Sir?” Jones asked slightly confused.

“I see the team finally took back the top spot in the group. Those frenchies were getting me worried, I was expecting them to have surrendered the lead long before this. We do have a top seed spot to defend after all. Especially with all those foreigners whining about how ‘easy’ our group is. Speaking of which, has Agent Black been promoted to Adams rank for his successful tampering of the pre-cup draw lots?”

“Yes sir, he has, the paperwork finally went through yesterday. He’s a good man.” Jones replied.

“Getting Jeruselem as a second seed and Vephrall as a third would have been serious trouble for our taking the top spot. Good thing he managed the switch in time. Keep an eye on him, an up and coming agent I tell you.”

“yes sir I will.”

“Good, has Agent White discovered anything on interest yet on this team?”

“NO sir, she has regular reports but says nothing suspicious has been going on. No odd idols in her teammates lockers, except for Maximov but I he has permission to have one. As the religion most commoners get mixed up with the NOCCRO, he and the other Orthodox are probably our biggest unsuspecting allies in all this.” Jones reported.

“Hmm, allies eh? How does that saying go? Strange bedfellows? Still at least the Eastern Orthodox are harmless religious nuts. Not like those NOCCRO nutbags, they multiply like cockroaches.”

“I know sir, latest numbers claim they have reached .095% of the total population, only the Catholics and Jews outnumber them now among religiousists.”

“Dammit Jones stop them, they can’t be allowed to take control!” Smith said losing his calm for the first time Jones could remember.

“Yes sir we shall.”

Dancougar

07-02-2008, 18:28

"So, who did a good job?" asked Peter, grabbing his remote to turn off Sportscenter. "I send the rubber and the chicken to Hopeless, Hopeless get their first win of the tournament. We might have something here."

"You don't even know if they did anything with it," Russ responded, "or if they even got it in the first place."

"I don't know, we did get the Bettia draw, too, although that was admittedly a few weeks after the chicken plunger," Peter replied, furrowing his brow in thought. "Perhaps there's a characteristic latency for non-standard sacrifices?"

"Then how do you explain your Hopeless theory?" asked Russ.

"The latency was applied retroactively by Margaret to account for the travel time of the package!" said Peter.

"Of course, that makes complete sense," sighed Russ, rolling his eyes. There was a thump as a ladder landed against the wall outside their window. Von Steuben climbed in. "Hey, professor."

"Ve heff some time before ze gemm vis ze Holy Empire," von Steuben said. "Ve should mekk ready anusser expereement."

"Yeah, if there is a time delay, we'd better get cracking so the Empire doesn't whump us again," replied Peter. "Let's see what we have to work with."

(Na na na na... na na na na na na.)

"Still no ideas, man," said Russ. "We've pretty limited in what we can try."

"Well, I'm still testing the limits," replied Peter, handing Russ another shipping invoice. "Observe."

To: University of the Bleeding Obvious, Southern Northland
From: Peter Klingenschmidt, University of Helmut, Dancougar

It has come to my attention that your university has the ability to raise nontrivial amounts of funding for experiments that push the envelope of what is and isn't science. Among other things. Whatever. Anyway, my colleagues and I have desired to test the effectiveness of chicken sacrifice during World Cup play and are unfortunately unable to procure the necessary resources. We request that your university carry out the experiment described herein, bearing in mind that it could benefit your national team.

The chief question we are investigating is what truly makes a rubber chicken a rubber chicken, and the implications are that nations without a healthy novelty item industry could still compete for luck and circumstance. The scenario we wish to test is the use of an existing real chicken as a mold for molten rubber, which could be poured in, around, or on the chicken. We have taken into consideration your university's mission statement, and would like to point out that this is also an excellent opportunity to test whether or not pouring molten rubber in, around, or on a chicken is actually cruel to said chicken.

We eagerly await your reply.

"Um... yeah, that's not going to work, either," said Russ, handing the paper back. "And I'm having trouble believing you wrote that."

"I may heff helped a leetle," said von Steuben.

"In any case, we need to proceed on our end," Peter declared, rising to his feet. "The demolition derby is coming up, and this is a chance to literally burn rubber. CHICKEN rubber. Russ, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Pete," replied Russ in a light tone. "But do you realize how many chickens it will take to hit 30 PSI?"

"WHOA, dude, that's a much better idea than the one I had!" exclaimed Peter, as Professor von Steuben whipped out pencil and paper for a quick calculation. Russ threw his hand to his forehead. He should've seen that coming.

Cafundeu

07-02-2008, 20:08

(OOC: second short match report)

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 39 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TIME ARRASADOR FAZ NOVA VÍTIMA

http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/2729/maraca020mu6.jpg
Supporters were able to see another victory of the Monopolists

The campaign of Cafundéu in this World Cup qualifiers was the expected one. With solid and good wins, the team is now in the first position in the group after seven games. And the Monopolists ended the first half of this stage of the World Cup with a nice 6x0 victory over Solenial. Léo Mattos opened the scoreline with a good long ranged shot. Later, Flecha scored the second goal, Ferreira the third, and the number nine returned to score another goal before the end of the first half. The team seemed unbeatable.

Changes and Absences: team returns to be the main one, with the best players (but Marcelinho continues in Vergara’s place).
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: Solenial, a team that we expected to defeat easily.

In the second half, more goals. Cafundéu simply didn’t let Solenial attack, dominated the ball possession during the whole game, showed its superiority. Solenial’s players knew that Cafundéu would be a difficult team to play against, as the Monopolists are the first seeds of the group, but surely weren’t expecting such a loss. Flecha and Neto scored the second half goes. After this victory, Cafundéu will use a mixed team (but with more starters than substitutes) in the friendly against Candelaria And Marquez, a game that seems exciting.

Now a comment aside the game must be made. Cafundéu is known as an offensive nation, very tactical and fast. But, look, Cafundéu has the best defence of the qualifiers! Yes, the best defence! This is something very impressive, and something that makes the supporters believe that Cafundéu has quality to fight for a World Cup title! The coach said: “The team needs to work together, and the defence needs to perform well too, so this is good for the team.” Breno Gavião said: “What a strrrrrrrrrrong defence crrrrrrrrrreated by Brrrrrrrrrraddock!”

CAFUNDÉU 6x0 SOLENIAL

Place: Estádio Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, in Espinal.
Attendance: 56,901 people.
Referee: Kim Jong-hwan (Daehanjeiguk).
MOTM: Flecha (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Da Silva (Vergara 61’), Marcelinho (Carlos Magno 61’) and Neto; Flecha and Ferreira (Saulo 79’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/solenial.png SOLENIAL: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Léo Mattos 19’ , Flecha 23’/42’/72’ , Neto 87’ , Ferreira 40’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the friendly against Candelaria And Marquez: Moisés; Léo Mattos, Augusto César, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Vergara, Anormal, Éverton and Neto; Flecha and Saulo.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Braddock will probably use 5 to 7 substitutes, among these players: Marcelo Rocha, Lobato, Lionel, Da Silva, Marcelinho, Fabrício, Ferreira.

Match’s Referee: Cláudio Suárez (Kura-Pelland).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 games:

9- Flecha
5- Ferreira
3- Neto
2- Da Silva, Anormal
1- Marcelinho, Fabrício, Léo Mattos

Leandro Cavalo scored an own goal

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(OOC Note to Hopeless SC: please note that the RP below isn't to criticize. Far from it, as I liked to see my country among the award winners [although with the wrong spelling]. It's just that I had to make an IC comment about you spelling wrong the name of my country, due to the fact that it was very common in the past [I remember WC32/33 when Sel Appa and Squornshelous did that a lot, among many other countries].)

IC:

(the commentators Breno Gavião and Sílvio Ruiz started to talk inside the Globo Multimedia cabin in the stadium)

RUIZ - "Hey, Breno, have you seen the Hopeless SC awards?"

BRENO - "Yes, the O Jutense newspaper showed them. I like these awarrrrrds cerrrrremonies."

RUIZ - "Yes, Sel Appa's performance so far is really disappointing, it's sad, they have a good team."

BRENO - "Yes, and Prrrrrux is imprrrrressing a lot too. Squorrrrrnshelous strrrrrong as ever, Arrrrriddia wanting to rrrrretake the title, the qualifierrrrrs have been exciting so far."

RUIZ - "And have you seen Cafundéu winning two awards?"

BRENO - "Yes, two awarrrrrds! We'rrrrre good at it. Best defence."

RUIZ - "And then most surprising team, as we're in the first place of the group and undefeated."

BRENO - "Most surrrrrprising team? But we arrrrre a first seed countrrrrry, we had to be in the firrrrrst place! And, as our opponents arrrrren't the strrrrrongest ones, it's naturrrrral that we arrrrre in this position!"

RUIZ - "You talk this only looking at the rankings. We're twelfth, but we never had easy qualification stages. Many times we had to earn qualification in the last round, once in a playoff, and we even couldn't qualify once!"

BRENO - "Yes, that's rrrrright. So, it's rrrrreally surprrrrrising."

RUIZ - "And... have you seen this?" - (points at the word "Cafendu")

BRENO - (shocked) "Oh, no, what is this... NOOOOO... please, my God, don't do this to our nation again! They spelled wrrrrrong our countrrrrry name! What is Cafendu? Cafendu is nothing, our countrrrrry is called Cafundéu! You can even avoid the accent if you want! It is strrrrrange to look at the name of our countrrrrry this way."

RUIZ - "Remember when nearly all the countries did the same?"

BRENO - "Yes, Sel Appa used to call us Cafendu. And rrrrremember Cafendeu?"

RUIZ - "I'm not sure, but I think Squornshelous used to refer to us with this word."

BRENO - "Not only them, I suppose."

RUIZ - "Perhaps they'll return to do this."

BRENO - "Oh, please no. This can't happen again!"

Bostopia

07-02-2008, 20:35

“Our top story tonight. There is increasing supporter pressure on Kelly Firth following two straight defeats, to Daehanjeiguk and a heavy 4 – 0 loss away in Ariddia. Supporters are said to be unhappy despite Firth's overall record standing at 38 games won, 9 games drawn and 21 lost during her tenure as manager of Bostopia.

The Football Association have said they would not comment on Firth's position halfway through qualification, saying it would only be detrimental for the team.

And now onto other news. Bostopia have claimed success in an operation to change the alcohol volume of alcoholic beverages in Sorthern Northland to only 0.1% volume. This was done in response to the Sorthern Northlanders sending a body double of Ben O'Bagels.

Alan Sentor, in his first public statement since his relinquishment of his position as de facto Head of State, is about to speak at a press conference, and we can cross over to that now.

A podium is set up in the middle of the room, with the words “Alan Sentor. Prime Minister.” written on the front of it in large white text. After a few short moments, Sentor walked out onto the stage.

“Good evening, thank you for coming. I will be, of course, speaking to you regarding the situation with Sorthern Northland, which myself and the Emperor have had long discussions over. Sorthern Northland first insulted the honour of the Emperor and his family, and then attempted to humiliate us by sending a doppelganger of their former President. Do they really believe we hadn't known from the start? We did the various tests as soon as we laid our hands on that being.

It is well known that Bostopia has little regard for international bodies and laws that we have no control over, and we therefore ignored any protocols, we therefore ignored any international agreements over the treatment of a foreign citizens, be he a prisoner of war or be he a civilian.

The doppelganger in question, meanwhile, is currently parachuting down into deepest Casari.

But, tonight, our message to Sorthern Northland is that we are drawing nearer to our breaking point. We are drawing nearer to our targets, and you are drawing nearer to your end-day.”

Sentor walked off the stage and out of camera shot.

Qazox

07-02-2008, 20:38

As the not so lonely now man and his crowd of 1000 believers stopped to rest during their trek to wherever they wound up going, one of the followers slipped out of the group and took refuge in an old outhouse.

"Angel to Heaven, I repeat Angel to Heaven, Come in please, over." 'Angel' spoke into a transceiver.

"Heaven here, Angel. What's the status of the Flock?" 'Heaven' replied.

"Sir, the Flock is at 1000 persons, and holding. A few 'Sheep' leave now anf then, but the same amount replace them. I still have no idea where the Flock is going. It seems to me that we're just wondering in circles, at least that's what the GPS is telling me." 'Angel' answered.

"Hmmm. That's a bit unusal. Any reports from Demon, Devil or Saint yet?" 'Heaven' asked.

"We've been in contact, and they report the same thing. Other than 'Mary', no one else talking with 'Shepard'. To be honest here, Sir, there's something wierd going on with this 'Shepard', but we haven't found it out yet." 'Angel' replied. "The Flock is preparing to move again, 'Angel' out."

Back in Qazox City, Qazox...

The assistant Director of Internal Security turned off his transceiver and prepared his latest report on the activities of this cult. But something 'Angel' said to him struck the back of his mind, and he typed a few words into the database and waited for the results to come back. If he was right about this, then the Director would be pissed, though not at him.

The Archregimancy

07-02-2008, 20:43

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Blouman Streakers

Fellow nations: we rejoice that the Lord our God has seen fit in his unknowable wisdom and unfathomable wisdom to grant unto us a second easy victory, this time against the Blouman Empire. Though it is not for us to understand the Lord's motives in granting to us such a mighty win, truly we are grateful that our goal difference has of late increased in a bountiful manner.

Some attention has been paid to an incident towards the end of the match when a female streaker ran on to the pitch and accosted one of our players. We would like to reassure the authorities in the Blouman Empire that no offence has been taken by our squad, the Holy Synod, or the Monastic Football Association by this incident. We accept that this was the unofficial action of a single individual, and are pleased to note that streaking - a vile and sinful practice more usually associated with inhuman soulless gnomes - is, quite commendably, illegal within the Blouman Empire. The local authorities are clearly doing their utmost to track down the individual responsible, though we would ask them to show mercy towards this sinner.

Elsewhere, we are pleased to grant Princess Jacinta Dallas' request to wear a pink veil while singing the Jeruselem national anthem provided that it is a restrained, tasteful, and not overly pastel or neon shade of pink - though we concede that we would prefer her Royal Highness to wear a more traditional purple, or perhaps golden, veil.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Vephrall

07-02-2008, 20:49

Vephrall team a relative surprise, says Hopeless media
by Sanani Sads

In a recent article from a Hopeless SC media outlet, the Vephrall national team was listed as one of the nominees for the biggest surprise of the first half of qualifying. The white and gold have won six out of seven games so far, placing the third seed at the top of Group 2 and among the ten best-performing nations so far in the tournament.

Men and women on the street throughout Vephrall concurred. "I've gotta be honest, I wasn't expecting much," said a man in Flaarickug who declined to give his name. "Pentove has shown that he really means business this time around," he continued, referring to the national team's manager. The only match that the team has failed to win so far was an away fixture against top seed Bettia, which the home team won 3-1.

Cafundéu won the award for most surprising team, leading their group despite being known for sometimes less-than-spectacular qualifying performances. [for the last time, Sanani, it's Cafundéu, not Cafudeiu! -ed]

Vephrall's next match will be a friendly against Squornshelous, to be held at Ellime e Vephrall in Meice.

[OOC: sorry, I couldn't resist! :D]

Sorthern Northland

07-02-2008, 21:47

To: Peter Klingenschmidt, University of Helmut, Dancougar
From: Professor Lerioulious, University of the Bleeding Obvious, Sorthern Northland

Dear Sir/Madam (Although I assume you are a male? That would be the bleeding obvious sex for someone named Peter.)

We are excited and thrilled to hear that you are looking at developing research into rubber chickens and would like to announce that we here at the University of the Bleeding Obvious would be delighted to assist you in this noble cause.

However with our previous experience with Margaret not being so great, (stupid slut built us up and then destroyed our qualifying chances last World Cup.) we shall not be doing the experiment on behalf of Sorthern Northland. Should you be prepared to take the risk of the result that fell on us falling on you we are more than willing to do the experiment of behalf of the team representing Dancougar.

Of course you not having the necessary resources could be a rather significant obstacle in this experiment so I am pleased to provide you with an order of roughly one million rubber chickens produced in Sorthern Northland for the previous World Cup.

Finally we have made some preliminary experiments into the scenario of using an actual real chicken as a mould for pouring molten rubber over and seeing if that is cruel and judging by the angry mob from the Real Equality Today for Animals in Real Danger Society that are currently trying to break down the door to my office and castrate me I would say it is quite cruel.

We look forward to working with you and hope that our experiments go well.

Yours faithfully,

Professor Lerioulious

Wentland

07-02-2008, 23:01

"This is extraordinary...there are TWO Wentland teams on the pitch and the referee can't start the match!"

"Well, Geoff, this is a turn-up for the books. How has this happened?"

"I understand Norman Hacker has submitted a team-list to the referee of men, but WHINGE has obtained an injunction that the women must play. Novapsolu are somewhat aghast."

"No wonder, Geoff, they don't want to play 22 players. Especially given the women's success last time out."

"Indeed, Geoff...how does one break this particular impasse?"

"I don't know, Geoff...injunction versus football rules...this is rather interesting..."

"Well, Geoff, it looks as if the referee is ordering the women off the pitch, as they have not been nominated for the game..."

"That does at least mean the game can get started...the whistle goes...hold on, it's stopped..."

"Indeed, Geoff...there seems to be a pitch invasion, what's this? A policewoman appears to be arresting Mr Hacker for breaching an injunction..."

"And indeed there is a whole battalion of policewomen here to arrest all of the male players...technically, they are in breach too..."

"Well, this is preposterous, Geoff...there are no Wentland players on the pitch...the referee has sent all the women off, the men are all under arrest...what happens now?"

"Well, Geoff, the referee has called for a dropped ball, and Novaspolu have an empty pitch...they run up and score...but there's no-one to take the kick-off..."

"No wonder, Geoff, everyone's been arrested..."

"The referee has blown what must be the final whistle, Geoff...Novaspolu are celebrating...I think they've won this one..."

"Indeed, Geoff...1-0...and with the women under a one-match ban that means the men must play the next game..."

"Yes, Geoff..."

***

Hacker awoke with a start in a cold sweat. It couldn't happen, could it?

He logged on to his computer. Looked at the World Cup scores. He still couldn't believe it.

Krytenia

07-02-2008, 23:42

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Barcali, Duffy "On Brink"

ACES manager Samuel Duffy's job is said to be hanging on "by the slimmest of threads", it was reported yesterday. It is understood that there are moves to oust the former midfielder from his position as part of a management overhaul at the KFA.

Duffy was appointed to the job by the association's chairman, James Barcali, who himself has been embroiled in controversy and probes into his private life. In an infamous incident last December, Barcali was fined by the Valanoran courts after his drunken "antics" whilst representing the KFA at the World Cup Draw.

KFA Chief Executive, Alex Cunardo, is expected to take the reins of Barcali's position on an interim basis whilst Barcali is being investigated. Duffy's job, meanwhile, could depend on next week's friendly in Jhanna; defeat in that game could be the end, with Emberton Reds boss Tyler Sampson in pole position to take over should the worst happen.

Jeruselem

07-02-2008, 23:55

Fiskin Dallas was assigned to task to help her sister Hikfie spell nation nations without fouling them up. Jacinta didn't have the patience and neither did anyone else. Fiskin had to help her dopey sister.

Fiskin: Right, say ... Ariddia
Hikfie: Ar-rider
Fiskin: No no, say a-rid-de-er
Hikfie: A-riddener

Fiskin: That's worse! Slowly, a-rid-de-er
Hikfie: Ariddia
Fiskin: Good good! Say it again.
Hikfie: Ariddia

Fiskin: You got it, let's move on then.
Hikfie: Yay!
Fiskin: Right, say ... Qazox
Hikfie: Qasucks

Fiskin: That's all wrong, slowly ...Qa-zzz-ocks
Hifkie: Qosonks
Fiskin: Err, no no ... try again
Hikfie: Qazonks

Fiskin: Almost! Get the OX right - Ox as in Oxen
Hifkie: Qazox ...
Fiskin: Say it again, concentrate
Hikfie: Qazox

Fiskin: Now, say Ariddia played Qazox today
Hifkie: Ar-rider played Qasucks todye
Fiskin: Come on sis! Think, try harder
Hikfie: Ariddia played Qazox today

Fiskin: Good, time for another word ... Bostopia
Hikfie: Bostonia
Fiskin: No, it's not a N ... it's a P. Do it again
Hikfie: Bostonpia

Fiskin: No, don't say the N
Hikfie: Bostopia
Fiskin: See, it's easy ... say it again.
Hifkie: Bostopia

Fiskin: How come you live in Bostopia and can't even say it?
Hifkie: Everyone accepts I'm stupid
Fiskin: Well, now you know how say it
Hifkie: I think so, if I remember!

Fiskin: OK, say ... Jeruselem. I know it's not an easy one.
Hikfie: Jeruland
Fiskin: No no, it's not Jeru-land. Say Jer-roo-ser-lem
Hikfie: Jerulandium

Fiskin: Come on, use that brain ... again
Hikfie: Jeruseland
Fiskin: There's no land in Jeruselem ... again
Hikfie: Jeruselem

Fiskin: Bloody hell, this is hard work!
Hikfie: I'm a bit slow
Fiskin: No wonder Kate and Jacinta get frustrated
Hikfie: What a frus-rate?

Fiskin: This is going be hard work. You're weird, you can actually hold a conversation and yet you can't say names right.
Hifkie: I know Fishy!
Fiskin: Fisk-kin, they call me fishy because you call me fishy
Hikfie: I didn't know that.

Fiskin: Right, say your own name.
Hifkie: Hikfie
Fiskin: OK, at least you know that one.
Hikfie: Took a while, I used to call myself Hippie Dallas.

Fiskin: Hikfie, I think you just let Jacinta do all the talking.
Hikfie: Jasinner
Fiskin: Jar-sin-ter
Hikfie: Jasinter

Fiskin: Close, try again
Hikfie: Jacintar
Fiskin: Good good! That's close enough. She hates it when you missay her name.
Fiskin: How do you manage at home if you can't say peoples names right?
Hikfie: I don't know! The kids call me Dummy instead of Mummy.

Sel Appa

08-02-2008, 00:40

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/coh31banner.png

Sel Appa Announces Bid for
31st Cup of Harmony

NEMNENAIT--Football Federation of Sel Appa president Sharon Eiboln unveiled Sel Appa's surprise bid for the 31st Cup of Harmony in a press conference. "It is time for us to move forward from the Hatchling Cup and host a bigger, more prestigious tournament in our quest for greater World Cup status. This bid, if successful, will give us more credibility for a future World Cup bid." Mrs. Eiboln did not elaborate on the specifics of what the bid would involve, but said the FFSA Board wanted to get it out there early and then fill in what was needed later. The tagline was revealed to be: "Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice".

The bid builds on the highly successful and acclaimed Hatchling Cup (aka Baptism of Fire 24). [1] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=537109) [2] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=537281) Twenty teams vied for the pre-World Cup bonus tournament for new nations. Prux defeated Tremarendakia 2-nil in the Final and went on to do well in World Cup 37. Sel Appa then provided a unique addition by pitting their national team against the carefully selected "Hatchling Cup All-Stars" in a friendly. The Turtles won 4-1 in an exciting match that gave the new sides practice against a strong World Cup team.

Furthermore, the first ever World Ultimate Championship hosted in Sel Appa boosts the bid further. [3] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=539874) [4] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=540972) [5] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=541204) The first, and currently only, edition pitted sixteen national Ultimate Frisbee teams against each other. Bazalonia trumped Mallatarsland 6-1 in the Final to take the first World Ultimate Championship title. The tournament was well-hosted by Sel Appa and adds to their growing resume in time for their first Cup of Harmony bid.

There was no information about whether Sel Appa would accept a co-host offer, but commentators speculate that most offers would be accepted. One stated that "Sel Appa could pull it off well alone, but would be better off with a co-host." Commentators laud the bid and say it is bound for success. "The FFSA allowed enough time after the Hatchling Cup for another tournament bid." The bid helps the nation work its way up to a potential World Cup bid in the near future. The FFSA has refused to comment on such speculation, but many say they may put forth a bid after World Cup 40. For now, the FFSA is concerned with running their Cup of Harmony bid through the bureaucracy.

Sel Appa Travel Guide (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/travel_in_sel_appa.html)

Taeshan

08-02-2008, 00:47

I'd like to state a fact in today's article, the Taeshani soccer team is so not the team of tommorow. The awful Purple Knights lost yet again against vephrall and they face the han's team in a friendly on saturday. The knights game was so horrible this writer had to be gaged before writing this.:mp5:. Anyways the rock wall of Tad Montague went rocky in the game and the knights horrible O couldn't score.

Dancougar

08-02-2008, 01:10

Of course you not having the necessary resources could be a rather significant obstacle in this experiment so I am pleased to provide you with an order of roughly one million rubber chickens produced in Sorthern Northland for the previous World Cup.

Peter stared blankly at the letter, and then at the mountain of crates out on the quad, which onlookers were passing by with facial expressions ranging from amusement to downright confusion. He turned back to the letter and a huge grin broke out on his face. "Oh man. Freaking win," he said. "Look all this! Change of plans for the derby, guys."

"I concur!" said von Steuben. "Rasser zan feelink ze tires vith ze livink cheekins..."

"We outfit all the cars and monster trucks with RUBBER CHICKEN TIRES!" exclaimed Peter.

"Well, I suppose that's better than the original plan," Russ said, reading through the reply. "And I have to say that the experimental results on animal cruelty were, indeed, bleeding obvious."

"We're making the world a better place, my friend."

Bazalonia

08-02-2008, 01:11

*snip*

OOC: It's 31st, Krytie and Star where also wrong in their selection of the number of the CoH for WC40. But I presume your bid is for the upcoming CoH.

Sel Appa

08-02-2008, 01:19

OOC: It's 31st, Krytie and Star where also wrong in their selection of the number of the CoH for WC40. But I presume your bid is for the upcoming CoH.

OOC: Actually I think their mistake caused my mistake. >_<

Daehanjeiguk

08-02-2008, 01:20

Sports Inquiry - "The Great Zombie Run - Part 2!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk --- Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Today's Great Zombie Run!

Well we're back at the train station, and the zombies are finally at the lines! They're tearing through people left and right! This is so much more interesting than the show they put up last night. Say, did they ever catch that dog? No, you say?... Pity. That was a cute dog. Anyway, they've got people left and right. You know, with how slow these things are, you'd expect that people could run away from them with ease, but the Army is watching this as much as we are in awe. The zombies have apparently surrounded the train station and are slowly eating everyone inside.

... What do you mean we're on the inside of the station? We've got to get out! To the roof! We'll get a helicopter! What do you mean there's no helicopter? So you mean we're stuck here until the Army clears out the zombies? You mean the Army's not even going to do that? Oh, we're doomed! But I guess if we're doomed, we'll tell you how other people are doing. There's a man climbing the stairs, and he's got 16 zombies on his trail. Oh no! There's a blockade on the 8th floor, he'll never get through! Correction, the man just fell down at the 6th floor and has collapsed onto the floor. Yep, he's dead.

Speaking of dead, the Imperial Team just played today, and they lost amazingly 2-1 against Ulzaxid. I guess now is a great time to think about football, right when death is knocking at the door! %$#&! They're at the door! God, barricade it! Barricade it! Now! I don't care if they can't open doors! Barricade it! Barricade it! And so these are the last few words by the radio man whose voice you are hearing right now! And they're at the door! They're at the door! They're in the walls! They're climbing the windows! Gah! They're climbing the windows! Gah! They're trying to break the windows! They're trying to break the windows! They can't break the windows according to my esteemed colleague because the window is bulletproof, soundproof, and shatterproof, but they're still trying to break the glass! These zombies are so ugly and yet they're so close and so horrifying! Get the Army here now!!!!!!!!

Oh no! They've broken through the wall! They're coming! Coming!!!!!!!! They're so slow, but when you're stuck up in a corner, there's no where else to run. Hey, you! Go slow them down some more! Feed them your skin! That's right! Oh no! They're ripping him to shreds! Is there no humanity? This is going to be a horrible way to die! I'm too scared to run up and end it now, but they take forever to walk here! Let's sing songs while we wait, so we won't be that afraid!

*END*

Goal Scorers:
5 - Jeong Jihun
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Jeruselem

08-02-2008, 02:13

Jeruselem Government News

Blouman Empire streaker not a Dallas says Dazza

With some accusing a "Dallas girl" of being the streaker during the Monks win 5-0 against the Blouman Empire in the Blouman Empire, Dazza Dallas came out and denied the rumour.

"Why would we travel to a foreign nation to do that against the Monks? If any Dallas girl were to streak, it would be at home. We respect the God fearing Monks and would not interfere in the game like that at all. Anyway, I looked the footage of incident and it's not one of us anyway. I'd rather do a Naked News thing than streak as streaking is for wimps. If you're going to do nudity, do properly. Look, no Dallas has every streaked anyway. It's not our style, making indecent webcam videos is more productive."

Zwangzug

08-02-2008, 02:15

Two wins and two losses when the two teams had met so far. Fifteen minutes to go, and maybe it would be a draw.

There was a brief pause as Andrew apathetically glanced at the yellow card he was being shown. The stadium announcer...announced...that the overflow attendance was a record.

For a moment Peter was amazed, deeply proud to have been part of the inspiration. People like to watch winners. People like to play for winners-an upset here, a moral victory there, and he'd joined a growing consciousness and a growing team.

And then play restarted, and he was reminded that it was a record for Qazox. Stupid place, couldn't even spell their team's name right, the country itself had all those weird letters...All right, so that wasn't a problem.

Still, he felt vaguely miffed, like he was just recognizing an immaturity, having gotten excited about something worthless.

The game progressed for a few minutes as even that drained from his mind and he focused on the field. Steven had the ball now, and he should pass, so Peter should get over-

But as he tried to get into position, Reid Vidaca slipped up, and Peter seized his chance, unleashing a shot that sailed true. The late-minute winners: those were the goals of a Scorpion.

And if his club was so meaningful to him, shouldn't his national teammates have that same chance? As it turned out, they would get it. Coach Mcgimpy had seen a talented connection between Ian and Evan, and the striker would follow the midfielder to Chelmar, while Phillip brought experience to Uharan. Meanwhile, Brendan and Steven could spark the midfield of the defending Yaforite cup winners-at that rate, there were more of the Zwangzug team playing in Yafor 2 than Candelaria And Marquez.

He didn't really care, though sometimes when he'd had a few too many kabobs he thought there was something his CMSC compatriots and himself had in common. Probably the kabobs.

Vephrall

08-02-2008, 02:15

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/BCN.png
BCN: The Magazine

Mid-Qualifying Recap

"Boring? Nah, I wouldn't call it that. Refreshing is more the term I would use."

Ocilla Shuke, goalkeeper for Oillid CE and the Vephrall national team, seems to be rather enjoying the fact that his services haven't been needed quite so much on the national team lately. Indeed, the white and gold have now broken their previous record by playing four consecutive matches without conceding a goal. The previous record was three, at the conclusion of World Cup 36 qualifying and extending into the start of the associated Cup of Harmony, where Vephrall picked up consecutive wins over Niosis, New Montreal States, and Lovisa, by scorelines of 2-0, 4-0, and 1-0 respectively. That was part of a run where the team recorded five clean sheets in a six-game stretch, broken only by a 0-2 loss in Ariddia on qualifying matchday twelve.

The team also broke its previous record for longest winning streak after the 3-0 win over Kalmykstan on matchday six. And they haven't stopped there, bringing home three more points from a comfortable 2-0 victory against Taeshan to extend the streak to five games. As such, despite being merely a third seed in its group, the team has recently taken over the lead in Group 2, pulling ahead of teams such as the Holy Empire and Bettia. The latter has given the white and gold their only loss so far, by a 3-1 scoreline. Note that in the other six matches, which have all been wins, Shuke has allowed just two goals. Two.

But will the team be able to carry this momentum into the second half? We worry that next week's friendly against Squornshelous may be biting off more than the team can chew and that it could potentially hurt us. And there are still three tricky matches - even at home, playing Bettia won't be easy, and we have the Holy Empire and Dancougar away. But with the form the team has shown so far, a 4-2-1 second half seems perfectly reasonable, and there should be no issues finding a qualification slot.

But just how good is this Vephrall team compared with everyone else? BCN: The Magazine takes a look at the ten group leaders and compares what they've shown the world so far.

Group 1 - #16 Quakmybush (5-2-0, 13-7)
Average scoreline: 1.86-0.86
Signature win: 3-1 over #32 Kura-Pelland
Result they'd like to forget: 1-1 against #69 Prux

Group 2 - #28 Vephrall (6-0-1, 18-5)
Average scoreline: 2.57-0.71
Signature win: 4-1 over #17 The Holy Empire
Result they'd like to forget: 2-1 over #135 Komekong

Group 3 - #10 Demot (5-2-0, 32-5)
Average scoreline: 4.57-0.71
Signature win: 4-0 over #34 The Archregimancy
Result they'd like to forget: 2-2 against #73 Magnus Valerius

Group 4 - #5 Squornshelous (7-0-0, 25-3)
Average scoreline: 3.57-0.43
Signature win: Lots of candidates, but we'll say 5-0 over #60 Rejistania
Result they'd like to forget: 3-1 over #135 Naboombu Umbongo. It's a stretch, we know.

Group 5 - #12 Cafundéu (6-1-0, 24-2)
Average scoreline: 3.43-0.29
Signature win: 3-0 over #23 Jasīʼyūn
Result they'd like to forget: 2-1 over The Supermarket (unranked)

Group 6 - #8 Zwangzug (7-0-0, 18-5)
Average scoreline: 2.57-0.71
Signature win: 3-1 over #36 Lovisa
Result they'd like to forget: 2-0 over Minilla Island West (unranked)

Group 7 - #41 Sorthern Northland (6-0-1, 24-10)
Average scoreline: 3.43-1.43
Signature win: 3-2 over #21 Bazalonia
Result they'd like to forget: 0-4 against #3 Sel Appa

Group 8 - #6 Ariddia (7-0-0, 28-4)
Average scoreline: 4.00-0.57
Signature win: 4-0 over #20 Bostopia
Result they'd like to forget: 2-0 over #176 Cadarnia

Group 9 - #1 Az-cz (6-1-0, 26-10)
Average scoreline: 3.71-1.43
Signature win: 6-3 over #27 Candelaria And Marquez
Result they'd like to forget: 1-1 against #59 Nire and Nire

Group 10 - #7 Tynelia (5-2-0, 15-4)
Average scoreline: 2.14-0.57
Signature win: 3-0 over #51 The Islands of Qutar
Result they'd like to forget: 1-1 against #101 Bonto

Our conclusion: Well, it seems obvious that either Squornshelous or Ariddia is the best team in qualifying right now. If pressed, we'd go with Ariddia based on their obliteration of a top-20 team (Bostopia).

After that, Vephrall has the single most prestigious win among the group leaders, but we simply can't overlook Az-cz's 6-3 blowout of C&M. So Az-cz comes in at number three on our list, followed by Vephrall. Zwangzug has won every match, but nothing really stands out, hence our placing them merely fifth. And two of the group leaders, Sorthern Northland and Tynelia, are not in our opinion among the ten best-performing teams of the moment. Bazalonia and C&M, currently second in group 7 and 9, respectively, take their places.

BCN: The Magazine's TOP TEN:
#6 Ariddia (1st, Group 8)
#5 Squornshelous (1st, Group 4)
#1 Az-cz (1st, Group 9)
#28 Vephrall (1st, Group 2)
#8 Zwangzug (1st, Group 6)
#10 Demot (1st, Group 3)
#12 Cafundéu (1st, Group 5)
#27 Candelaria And Marquez (2nd, Group 9)
#21 Bazalonia (2nd, Group 7)
#16 Quakmybush (1st, Group 1)

Sel Appa

08-02-2008, 02:56

Turtles Shelled in Ad'ihan Loss

Sel Appans were stunned to see the whistle blow to a 3-4 loss to Ad'ihan. The match saw a high number of goals, but Sel Appa was not able to keep up with Ad'ihan. They played well, but ultimately ran out of time despite several good plays. A late-game shot appeared to go in, but bounced off the post and back out. The referee confirmed it wouldn't count leading to loud boos from the crowd. The match ended just minutes later.

The loss deals a crippling blow to a powerful team that is staggering this Qualification round. With a previous loss to Bazalonia and a draw, the team has dropped below the qualification threshold to fourth place. We're at the mid-point intermission of the Qualifiers and the team will have a chance to rest and practice against friend-nation Bostopia. A loss there would deal a huge blow to morale. A win would pick the team back up and give them confidence as they host Dinos Pizza at home.

The team needs to pick up their game if they hope to qualify in a good position. It is still pretty certain they will qualify, but it may be in third. They need to hope for seven wins or five wins and two draws, coupled with losses for Sorthern Northland and Bazalonia. There is certainly the possibility that the team continues to decline and does not qualify. That would be a huge blow to the well-established side that Sel Appa is, ranked third. They would be one of the highest ranked to not qualify in World Cup history.

Coach Charles DuPont has said that the team is just in "a small trough" and will be back up and running for the second half. The team and its fans certainly hope so. Football has surged in popularity--going far above and beyond its existing status as the national sport. The team was reshuffled recently after the election of FFSA president Sharon Eiboln. For the first time, females were allowed on the team, which appeared to break through a "glass ceiling" above the World Cup Finals Group Stage. Only time will tell what is in store for our Turtles.

Casari

08-02-2008, 03:50

Hill looked around a bit in the locker room, a small TV tuned to 4sport, commenting on the various coaches of World Cup who were already on thin ice halfway through qualifying.

"How the hell can you fire that many coaches in a season? You think with some of these jobs, at some point someone just wouldn't want them anymore." Hill said, sitting and waiting for the rest of the team to prepare for practice.

"You know... I was wondering about that... you see some staff around and everything..." Reoni said, looking around the locker room.

"Yes?"

"Who's OUR coach?"

"Well... it's complicated."

Reoni blinked. "How is it complicated? Who's the coach?"

Danialson glanced over and shrugged. "Hill is."

"Wait, how am I the coach?" Hill said, frowning. "I never agreed to something as stupid sounding as that."

"Well, who yells at us to do everything?"

"Mike." Hill said, not taking the bait.

"Well, who tells us when to show up?"

"The Committee. MacDonald, usually." Hill said, crossing her arms. "Does this have a point?"

"See, you're even acting like the coach now!" Danialson said, shaking his head. "It's not like being the coach is a bad thing, we need a coach."

"I don't care, I'm not the coach."

"So you fulfill all the duties of the coach... but yet remain not being the coach?"

"No, I just tell everyone when they act like idiots." Hill replied.

"So... you're the coach."

Hill sighed. "Damnit, I don't want to be the coach."

"Well, there's always one solution."

"What's that?"

"Punish anyone who calls you coach."

Hill stood up and nodded. "Peter, you're a special kind of crazy."

"I know."

"Go run laps."

"Damn, you suck as a coach. I hope you get fired."

New Manhattan

08-02-2008, 03:55

Mid-qualifying friendly results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13431511&postcount=9) now up.

Sorthern Northland

08-02-2008, 05:33

Although the crowd were strangely sober in The Cat & Goose in Snowspire, they were in there usual singing voice following a hugely enjoyed four one victory over Bostopia.

"Jing puts one goal in, two more in,
And a Sage free kick,
One goal in, two more in
A Sage free kick
You put four past Bostopia and win the game
That's what SN are all about."

"Ha ha, brilliant song. Oh what a day."

Again the pub bursts into song.

"Who the fuck are Bostopia?
Who the fuck are Bostopia?
Who the fuck are Bostopia?
And the Sortherners go marching on ON ON."

"Four one? Ha ha! Can you believe it?"

Once again the pub bursts into song.

"You'll never beat the Sortherners,
You'll never beat the Sortherners,
You'll never beat the Sortherners."

"Hey you know what I've noticed?"

"What?"

"I dunno if it's just Snowspire, but every since we've been up here, I think nearly every beer I've had has tasted very week."

"Yeah I've noticed that as well. And you know what? When I woke up this morning I had a really bad headache."

"Oh yeah? That must be that hangover thing then."

"A hangover?"

"Yeah. I've often heard foreigners complain about it. It seems to be something you get after you stop drinking."

"Oh right, hey you know anything about this Operation 0.1% by the Bostopians?"

"No idea, is it the level of effort we needed to beat their football team."

"Hey you know anything about the Taeshan match?"

"Yep two nil win, with Hernandez and Tomsk scoring. Don't know what the game was like that, I missed that one unfortunately."

-----------------

"The following SNTV broadcast is a Sorthern Northland security announcement. We know head over to a live announcement from the President of Sorthern Northland, er oh bollocks I forgot his name. What is it again? Jimmy Sherbert? Sheridan? Jimmy Sheridan then live at the Workers' Palace in Beningrad."

"Citizens of Sorthern Northland, it is with great shame that I inform you that we have been the victim of a cowardly terrorist attack. We believe nay know the attack is the result of those pigdog capitalist pig dogs Bostopia.

Details of the attack are still sketchy but we believe they have someone reduced the alcohol content of alcoholic drinks to zero point one percent. We have no idea how they managed this, but rest assured we will not rest until normal alcohol content is restored in this great land.

We have looked into a number of ways of how to do this and our research has found that due to a process called endogenous alcohol production there is always alcohol in the human body. Our top scientists are currently working on how to extract this alcohol.

Before I finish this broadcast I'd just like to quote the famous Sorthern rebel and father of Sorthern Socialism Theo Wolfe;

You'll never beat the Sortherners,
No matter what you do,
You can put us down,
And try to keep us down,
But we'll come back again,
You know we are the fighting Sortherners,
And we fight until the end,
You know you should know,
You'll never beat the Sortherners."

Qazox

08-02-2008, 05:35

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Friendly: @ Capitalizt SLANI in Bætica Stadium, Cordubovica, Bætica, UCS.
Capitalizt SLANI 3
QAZOX 1

Thankfully this one doesn't count. The Pheonix, after a 16-hour flight, played one of the Co-hosts of the World Cup and for 79 minutes were run ragged over the pitch. Only a 79th minute goal by Renna Valladores kept the team from being shut-out. The hosts newest stadium was filled to capacity with 109,300 crazy Slani fans banging and cheering the home side to victory.

Qazox now faces another 16-hour flight back home, but luckily they have 3 days to recover before the Lovisa match.

SUMMARY:
UCS: Goal 14'
UCS: Goal 38'
UCS: Goal 56'
Qazox: Renna Valladores (Goal- 79')

Jeruselem

08-02-2008, 15:36

On an episode of Top Gear Jeruselem ...

Dazza:
"The boys have given me the task of testing SUVs because I'm apparently the expert because I'm Jeruselem's premier soccer Mum. I suppose I am! Right, why are we even talking about SUVs? You know those, oversized gas-guzzling road hogs driven by footall mothers with ten kids in tow, like me except I've only got four kids. I am only Top Gear host who has actually driven a SUV being a mother and all. I actually don't like them being big horrible slow lumbering things but then I'm a speed freak. Right, before we test these things - we need some kids! I've got some girls from the St Marys Catholic Girls to help me here. They are here to pretend to be my kids."

Girls: ON YA BIKE!

Dazza
"As you know it's World Cup 39 time, and all over the world - Mums are driving their kids to training in their SUVs. So it's important you get the right SUV! So, what does one look for in an SUV? That's what I'm here to find out."

<Four SUVs appear ... with mothers behind the wheel>

Dazza:
"Here are our four contenders. This greenish looking thing is Daewoo Weasel, a popular SUV for cheap skates who only buy cheap cars. It's main selling point is ... it's price and not much else. I overtake these things all the time, in first gear."

"Next to it is the Chrysler Carnival. It's a newcomer but already become the new thing. It's a grunty engine compared to the rest and I think lead-foot Mums like that."

"No, that's not bus ... it is an SUV. It is bigger than the rest and I think I could even fit the World Cup 39 squad in that one. That's the Ford TeamSport, designed for moving around large groups of kids."

"Least but not last, our favourite. The Mazda Folklore, a zippy little SUV with bit of grunt and even a bit of style as it doesn't look like a brick with wheels."

<Later>

Dazza is driving a SUV full of schoolgirls

Dazza:
"Well, the Ford TeamSpot is the biggest and I could even put all the girls in here! Unfortunately, the engine is underpowered. It's not going fall apart like the Daewoo Weasel but you're not going win any races it either. It has a 300 HP engine but I'm not seeing much power out of this thing. The steering is bit stiff and the Mum driving needs to be a bit fitter than normal. Unlike the Chryler Carnival which sometimes feels like it's going to tip over around corners, this is not going to tip over. You just do corners at a slower pace and you get yelled at when the kids arrive late for training."

<Later>

Dazza:
"So which is the best SUV? The Daewoo Weasel is good value for your money but you feel it might fall to bits at wrong moment. It's not solid enough for protect the kiddies and needs a little more engineering."

"The new Chrysler Carnival certainly is the fastest and most powerful but fells unstable with full load of kids. I think it's centre of gravity is wrong but it's a performer for smaller loads. It'd be more of winner if the price wasn't so high as well."

"The Ford TeamSport is big and bold but slow and cumbersome. Great capacity to carry a football team but you need to leave early to get to training. It'd be a good buy for those with more kids than I if you can cope with it's slowness."

"Leaving the Mazda Folklore! It's small compared to the others but it has the best balance still. Enough power in the engine and it's a solid vehicle with no handling vices. The price is a little high. It's still the winner for me. It's not perfect though."

"If we had a SUV with engineering of the Folklore, the engine of the Carnival and price of Weasel - that'd a real winner. OK, to be honest I prefer to drive my kids around in my Ferraris but most Mums must use the bricks on wheels."

Candelaria And Marquez

08-02-2008, 17:51

The Albrecht Herald
Spoils shared in ‘Latin Challenge’
By Tracker Edwards

They lined up to sing or grudgingly respect the national anthems, captain-for-the-day Ben Head and his golgate* mascot taking their places at the end of the line of Candelariasians. As CAMAFA President Owen Jones and his guest, Selmir Araújo, shook hands with the rest of the XI, one couldn’t help but notice the distinctly brown hue that for once challenged the Monopolists’ own collective tinge. This could not merely be put down to too many sessions in Clotaire tanning salons.

For the first time in the C&M senior national football team’s seventyish games, no fewer than seven of the starting XI were born in Marquez. As befits a game in Arrigo it was a diverse crowd, but the six Hispanic and one half-Syrian stars they had come to see presented a sight that would have been dismissed as impossible mere decades ago.

It is a measure of the social development of recent years that the current young generation of footballers, journalists and fans barely thought twice about the fact that there were more Spanish-speakers than native Anglophones in Donnelly’s preferred eleven. Even in the Marquez press it was barely considered noteworthy. The idea that less than a decade ago, when the idea of bringing a C&M national team to the world stage was first mooted in earnest, there were solemn discussions over the introduction of quotas for non-Candelarians would be today seen as laughable by anyone aged under thirty.

Of course, there remains anti-Hispanic sentiment and active discrimination on both sides of the Estrecho Innomado in politics, business and education. The sins of the past will surely linger on for many years yet, but in football at least true equality has long since been achieved. Today, Anglo C&M fans in Albrecht or Caires will think nothing of cheering for those brought up in different tongues to their own, and young fans of Albrecht Turkish or KT Hotspur are happy to have posters of Oberon Martinez or Juan Carlos Revault in their bedrooms and consider them one of their own.

Cynics have been out of force, pointing out that fans of club teams will happily take any manner of foreigner to heart if they do well on the pitch – and certainly one need only look at the affection of Albrecht FC fans towards Peter Vanderpent, Spur supporters for Wally Milton, Gamboa’s haughty enthusiasts towards Sargento Castelão and countless others. Others will claim the Marquez domination as a statistical anomaly; pointing out that beyond these seven there are no others in the squad, and as such they make up a demographically spot-on 30% of the twenty-three representatives of the Candelarias.

Yet one cannot ignore the rapid rise of Marquez Hispanics in C&M football at all levels. Once upon a time, the squads of Marquez-Onwere, Arrigo Portuguese, Castillo FC, Melin & Nader and the El din giants would be full of Candelarians and Anglo Marquezians. Today, the naranja sport a Cassumba Domingos, Vélez and Sosa, Portuguese put out a Burgos and Carocha and are currently managed by a Ferraro, Cathedral have Carlos Yaqué, Demario Ortiz, Enrique Silva de Aviz, Emiliano Taffarel, Kurt Folgueira… The list goes on. And there will be many more or years to come, with most Candelarian clubs having teenage names of their book that, Spanish-speaking or otherwise, speak of a south-west European ancestry.

The game itself was inevitably hindered by its status as a friendly, and by often exhausted players keen not to pick up injuries. It was still a decent watch however, and an excellent warm-up for the more competitive fish both sides have to fry in the coming weeks. Javier Sanchez picked Franz Braddock’s team almost exactly, but despite the absence of several preferred first-teamers the early stages belonged to Cafundéu. Head, William Burgos and Özkan Yalçin were increasingly forced back to create a deep back five, and the Monopolists twice went close to continuing their goalscoring form when star man Flecha hit the post and the bar in quick succession, while Oberon Martinez was forced into action to turn over a Neto free-kick after O’Sullivan Caras messily brought down Saulo.

First blood was to the home side however, after a lovely team move on one of their few early forays forward. Head sent a pass from his deep-lying position up to Ramiro Novo, who fed Caras. The Central United man exchanged passes with Novo out on the right, stretching Cafundéu and leaving Ignacio Vélez in a good position. With Eduardo Monte rapidly baring down on him however, C&M’s record striker found his MarquezOW team-mate in space instead, who turned on a tree shrew** and struck instantly to leave Moisés still diving to his left after the ball had nestled in the corner. The thirty-nine thousand Candelariasian fans jumped to their feet, and those watching on Cafundelense television had the consolation of hearing the legendary Breno Gavião attempt the name of José Felipe Cassumba Domingos. Impressive though that was, it paled it comparison compared to his version of Candelaria And Marquez, by all accounts.

Cafundéu were not behind for too long however, though they had to rely on a set-piece to beat an in-form Martinez. Neto both won and took the corner that Éverton headed powerfully towards goal. Martinez succeeded in punching away his effort, but Flecha was left free to finish with ease. The cheers from the small red-shirted section of the ground was clearly audible, but there was the odd whoop and polite clapping from elsewhere around the Estadio Nacional from over-excited Cafundó do Juta fans among the Candelariasians. The occasional shirt of Central United, FC Lasft, São José and other popular CCFC teams were also visible, but their wearers wisely kept their heads down when one of their guys touched the ball.

Both Donnelly and Braddock welcomed the coming of half-time as an excuse to whip off two or three of the tireder players and the game became scrappier as a result. Once again however it was Cafundéu with the early possession but C&M with the killer touch, and the Big Blues took the lead again when Cassumba Domingos ran into Souza. C&M national sides have had a bit of luck with Kura-Pellandi officials over recent months and so it was again here when Señor Suárez (it had to be something like that, really) gave a soft penalty. Joe Cunningham, on for Ignacio Vélez, put it away past Moisés with ease.

Donnelly almost immediately brought off Caras and Novo for Jos Cornelisse and Connor Mengucci, and with three defensive midfielders C&M set about trying to defend their lead – a tactic Donnelly’s predecessors have used as a matter of course but which has seemed alien to the new man thus far. It almost worked, and Cafundéu’s Marcelinho and Ferreira struggled to work their way through the Corradini-Head-Mengucci triad. Finally however Saulo earned another corner off Yalçin, which Neto floated to the far post. Anormal rose highest and nodded the ball down for Ferreira, who would have struggled to miss from two yards out.

It was a mildly deflating end, but never the less provided further proof that the Big Blues can mix it at the highest level – as well as providing proof were it still needed that Candelariasian players ending in a vowel or a lisp are well and truly among the best these islands can provide.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 2
Cassumba Domingos 25, Cunningham pen 63

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png Cafundéu 2
Fletcha 33, Ferreira 81

__________________

*Grossly Overweight Little Girl At The End. A mainstay of international football matches.
**A tree shrew features of C&M 10p pieces minted in even-numbered years.

Candelaria And Marquez

08-02-2008, 18:06

Somewhere...

Sukie Rohaert’s Weird Weekend took a turn for the worst when she encountered the breasts.

Saturday hadn’t started particularly well all round, after she’d shut the front door of the flat. She’d turn round to lock it, found that they key wouldn’t fit, and noticed simultaneously that the edges of the door were shimmering. Not quite as much as a portal into Another Realm should probably do, but rather more than if she’d just left the living room light on. Equally disconcerting was that the wall that run at ninety degree angles to her flat was hovering about a centimetre wider than it had any right to. Depending on from what angle you viewed it, you could clearly see the blue morning sky outside, like when the skin on a video game didn’t fit together quite right.*

She’d marched out into a city that seemed to be bubbling along as normal. True, Albrecht didn’t seem anywhere near as full as it should do of a Saturday, but it was still early. She’d tried to sleep, hoping that this time she’d wake up and the Candelariasian capital would provide a distinct absence of half-men-half-horses and on-air discussions on the sporting merits of suit puddings spread with fruit preserves. So far, door-related oddness aside, it had gone quite well; but the incongruous skyscrapers, cranes and the occasional overly large, woman-faced birds in the sky had put pay to her hopes. The fact that Bill, the Afghan fella who supplied her early-morning croissant every day, had completely ignored her when she walked past the shop perturbed her even further. The woman manning the ticket office for the A-A Integral had been happy to take her money though – confirming to Sukie that at the very least, she hadn’t gone all Bruce Willis.** Although she couldn’t help noticing that the coinage she took out of her purse, while distinctively Candelariasian, bore images of a collection of animals rather stranger than the usual Peterson’s sea eagles, white-headed swamp mice, mediocre fish and tree shrews. The seaweed-covered horse with the enormous testicles on the C&MR£1 coin drew her attention in particular.

Her current heady mixture of fear and bafflement had finally relented to the pangs of sleep once she was on the expressway and zooming under the estrecho innomado towards Arrigo. Her carriage had been quiet inside and out, and she awoke hours later having gone to the second city and back twice. The connecting trip from there up the coast to El din was another hour, and Sukie was made to wish she’d invested in a deluxe carriage. Those had foot rests and actual trolley dollies, at least they had before yesterday, whereas you couldn’t even look out of the window in these. And it was bloody hot.

For reasons she couldn’t even begin to guess at her Arrigo-El din train was rather busier than the A-A-I, but try and she might she didn’t have the heart to talk to anyone. Conversing with people who weren’t already dead wasn’t one of her strong suits anyhow. Not that merely listening in on everyone else’s conversations really helped much either. It was all pretty banal stuff – the occasional reference towards ‘the War’, yes; but a distinct absence of mentions of left-footed dead man’s legs or well-proportioned specimens of equinity.

Which was why Sukie found herself on the Camino de la Carretilla, the main street of the city of El din, feeling utterly bemused and unprepared for the breasts.

Because here was the thing. Prior to yesterday, her experience of non-humans sentience had consisted of:

1. Having mucked about in the innards of a couple of dead gnomes.
2. Having had a rather uncomfortable and continually confusing encounter with an unnamed elf and a large, orange Ifewa who just happened to be a former C&M international footballer.
3. Then, in her new and rather undefined role as Chief Pathologist to Lyndon Hernández, the Vice-Chair of the House of Representatives Social Affairs Select Committee and Minister for Rational Thought, she’d briefly met;
a. The two Valanorans ‘plying their trade’, as it was invariably put, in the CMSC.
b. Althinn Grimbeard-Bugman and Gotrek Bugman-Grimbeard, a lovable pair of old queens from the Songstress district of Albrecht who also happened to be dwarves of some sort.
c. A rather nervous young menninkäinen called Philip who worked at a curry house in a small town in Greater Arrigo.
d. Gn-Pg, an elderly and in all probability senile gnome from Clotaire.

All of which was most intrestin’ an’ all, but Sukie had wondered on more than one occasion why Hernández had been so willing to integrate here into the day-to-day running of the MoRT but so recalcitrant to introduce her to any more of the hundred-or-so non-humans (not counting the Svarts, obviously) running about the Candelarias at any one time. Indeed, he’d kept pretty shtum about the identity of the others and their place in society all round. It wasn’t as though it was dark, eldritch knowledge or anything either; thousands of Candelariasians in government and elsewhere were well aware of what the rest of their countrymen had had systematically kept quiet from them for decades. The piecemeal fashion of her newfound understanding of the world annoyed Sukie no end.

Not that C&M seemed to have much call for the MoRT any more. The street was certainly quiet but far from deserted, with the ubiquitous Morales JCN pootling down the road in significant numbers and a mixture of suited youngish men and rotund female shoppers respectively striding and wobbling about the place.

Few were giving any particular attention to the woman seated outside a boarded-up restaurant, who was engaged in the act of breastfeeding. This in itself was slightly disconcerting to Sukie. The practise of publicly doing… that had been decriminalised several years ago but few new mothers in Albrecht at least were in any hurry to whip their tops off and on this matter at least few Candelariasians were willing to argue with that. In so many ways this was still a prudish little country, even if you couldn’t open the Mercury, or similar publication, without being confronted by some teenager with her norks out.

What was of particular interest here however was that the baby was sitting in an elaborate baskety thing and sucking on a breast that had been thrown over the woman’s back. The other dangled in a lonely fashion over the other shoulder. The woman herself was hunched over a table, doing a Su Doku or something and apparently oblivious to the furious suckage going on behind her.

Apparently sensing Sukie gawping behind her, the woman turned dramatically and looked the pathologist square in the eye. Sukie waved awkwardly and found herself walking towards the woman’s table, while she removed the infant from her back and entered into a complicated procedure that after about twenty seconds of frenzied twanging ended with the offending breasts back in their rightly place – somewhere slightly higher than her knees – and the baby on her lap. She turned her pale face to Sukie’s and smiled.

“Arta-noon, luv,” the woman said to her, a typical Candelariasian greeting supplied with a vaguely Italian accent and a face apparently long-sinced drained of blood.

“Hi. There…” Sukie looked about, simultaneously desperate to avoid and desperate to be drawn into a conversation about the obvious. “Um, isn’t it rather… quiet? Um.”

“Ooh!” The woman exclaimed. “Sorry, you must be a foreigner. We’ve all been prepared for this. Ah… Podes euo spatem Ievian?”

“Probably, but I…”

“The South Marienburgers speak English, I think… Um, the Nord-Brutlandese aren’t due here until next week, but I could try, um…”

“Please don’t,” Sukie interjected hurriedly. “I am Candelariasian, I just haven’t been out much lately… Mad scientists, y’see… Bit surprised to find everywhere so empty.” And women with foot-long breasts and men with horses’ hooves, she neglected to add.

“They’re all in the bladdy pub, neh? Or up in Caires for the game. We’re playing Prux this afternoon, so no men to be found…” she added forlornly, playing with her son’s hair.

“His dad out boozing as well?” Sukie asked, feeling that going this long without acknowledging the presence of a new-looking child was bad form. She regarded it as warmly as she could manage. Sukie wasn’t, by her own admission, considered great maternal material.

“Well, no…” the seated woman grinned. “You know how it is for us…”

“Uh… Yes,” said Sukie, who didn’t.

“It is all quite exciting though, isn’t it?” the mother said conspiratorially. “Having the World Cup right on our doorstep after all these years. And then it’s Jey versus South Marienburg in La Decimotercia next week. An actual World Cup game in El din, watched by trillions. Given everything else, y’know… Well, I think it’s a good advertisement for the country, what anyone says. And of course, all the men, well… I don’t know about you, but that jam roly-poly… mm-mm. Almost enough to make one actually sit through a while match, I don’t mind telling you…”

Sukie smiled weekly. “Um,” she ventured, “I don’t suppose you know the way to the City Council offices, do you?”

The woman frowned before pointing down the street. “Down there, there’s a little crossroads, fourth and fifth building on the right. You can’t miss it. Had to go there the other week about my drains. I wonder about this place sometimes, I really do…”

“Thank you!” Sukie called out, already making her way down the road. She doubled back briefly. “Sorry, your name was..?”

“Giovanna Conti.”

“Sukie Rohaert. A before E. Don’t bother looking in the phone book…”

With that, she was legging it again down the road. Giovanna watched her go, before looking down at her child and reaching again up her jumper for a tapering bosom. “Strange girl…” she muttered.

__________________

*Sukie only had her experience of her two young cousins to go on in this department.

**Unless you haven’t see it. HE’S DEAD.

Elves Security Forces

08-02-2008, 18:28

Valanora Express
Give us Zeta-Back!

Fan and critic outcry alike are bothering the folks up in their comfy offices of the VSC, as the public starts to wonder why expert attacking midfielder Roger Zetaback continues to be denied a place on a the national team. When you look at the roster we have now, it makes you question the intelegance of Webber as to why he would leave one of the best talents that Valanora has produced not to get his due. Webber is supposed to be an offensive minded coach, so why wouldn't he take the what many believe to be the second best attacking midfielder the country currently has availble to it, it just makes now sence. Let's review those players who might of taken his spot on this roster.

Ashley Riot - Okay, he's been a great servant of Valanora, Assegai before them, and to his domestic club of Rinaldi, but please. He is far too old to keep up the attacking pace the squad is going to be using this tournament. Great guy, but he does not deserve to be here.

Laborious Hawk - Yeah, nothing to say here. Laborious deserves his spot after the last three tournaments' performances.

Scott Soldarian - Now here is a place where I must protest. I love Scott, he's a great player with a great future ahead of him, but he's too young to be starting. Everyone else, save Kiso, earned their starting spots by dedicating hundreds of years to refining their game. Even Laborious had to wait past his 600th birthday before he was allowed to start. While Scott might be great, he does not have the time behind him to have the starting spot ahead of Roger.

Carl Underdark - This one is hard for me to call. Carl has shown glimpses of being the next big thing in the middle for the national team, but at other times he's looked average. Yet he is in Cafundeu, and we have all seen how great that domestic league is in grooming average players into superstars. The fact that David Aligon was looked at again after his time in Cafundeu is proof enough. Still, that inconsistancy is not somethin Roger shows, which could be reason enough to have him here instead of Carl.

Roger Zensan - Zensan has earned his spot here through a variety of challanges, and in no way would I replace Roger with him despite my admiration for the great Zetaback.

Ali Alidare - Like Zensan and Hawk, Ali belongs here.

Rose Diamond Santapa - This may surprise a few people, putting my own daughter on the list, but as it stands, she does not belong here in front of Roger. She doesn't even start on her domestic club, so why is she here in the first place? She's young enough, and is half elven, so she still has time to develop and earn her way here if it is meant to be.

Will the VSC listen and call up Roger before it's too late, or will the great AMC have to hope and pray that he'll get called next time? I don't know the answer, I wish I did, but like you I'll have to wait and hope the VSC is smart enough to bring this great talent into the fold.

Article by Ron Santapa

Dancougar

08-02-2008, 19:01

ANNOUNCER: College Gameday, built by Construction Hut. When it needs to get done right, hit the hut!
JAKE: And welcome back to this special World Cup edition of College Gameday. Guys, now that the regular season (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13431493&postcount=1566) is over, there's been a lot of talk about refactoring the roster for the second half of qualification, especially since there were quite a few breakout players this season, and the performance of some of the players currently on the Wings squad, and of their colleges, slipped from last season. Now, certainly there are plenty of arguments for bringing in new guys, but Pat French has said he's recommending that the committee keep things as they are. What do you think of that?
DEE: Well, he still got Hazuki State to win their conference despite missing games, so he knows what he's doing. At this point, swapping players is going to hamper the team's ability to play together as a unit. They've been together for half a year now, fifteen international matches, and they know what to expect from each other. They've grown accustomed to each others' play, and new players are going to interfere with that.
DIRK: I agree. It's an unfortunate fact that the seniors who performed well this year will not get a chance to play for the national team. But for juniors on down, they're the ones competing for the next one. There's going to be another season before the next qualifiers, and if they really are deserving of a spot, they will keep their performance up and catch the eye of the committee.
JAKE: It's very strange to bring up the issue of stability when one considers that the Black Wings will almost certainly be a team in flux for the foreseeable future. There's no professional league for current college players to continue developing their talents and keep fit, so really, no player can really count on making more than two teams unless they wind up overseas or a league starts here.
DEE: I don't see a league starting soon, there's no money for it. They tried this with baseball several times, the "Batter Up" leagues, and that got shot down every time. It's going to take a major shift in the way capital congregates and gets used in Dancougar, and that will require the king to amend policy. So when you take all that into consideration, regardless of how Dancougar performs in this tournament, or any other, the strength of its team will always depend on the strength of the college game at that point in time. Now, there are several things being considered at the conference and national level to improve quality, but I'm not sure how strong it can get.
DIRK: Yeah, and Pat French may not even be the coach next time around. A bad run that questions his abilities, or the arrival of new teams and coaches at the top of the national rankings, that might lead to a lot of coaching changes. Remember, the Wings are not operated by any permanent body. They're really at the mercy of the college conferences, acting together, with recommendations by the coach, but at the end of the day, he has to do what they want him to, and if they change it up, that makes it even more difficult for Dancougar to maintain its identity and skills from cup to cup.
JAKE: After a quick break for friendlies, qualifying resumes tonight, and The Holy Empire will travel to Yuki City looking to repeat their 4-0 win. Guys, what are the keys for the Wings tonight?
DIRK: They've gotten very good results at home, and against Bettia, they were able to withstand an attack that is just as lethal as the one that tore them apart in that first game. If the defense is able to hold, the key is going to be what happens in the midfield. Boskov has been trying to compliment Akira Morimoto on the left side, and if those two can create a few chances, we might see them steal a goal.
DEE: Yeah, the key here is to try and stay calm. That first match was a long time ago, the Wings have come far since then. It is still going to be incredibly difficult to get a point out of this game. Hawkins is going to have to assert himself early and give the defense some confidence. And in the midfield, like you say, the Wings will need to do much better at maintaining possession and finding the open man.
JAKE: That'll about do it for us. College Gameday is online at dspn.dan, keyword search College Gameday. Jake Matthews, Dee Torso, Dirk Spiceroad, goodnight everyone.

Dancougar

08-02-2008, 19:16

A cheer went up from the crowd as another car bit the dust. The windows were blown out as the monster truck performed the vehicle-scale equivalent of crushing a soda can. Rubber waddles and wings also flew in multiple directions as they occasionally got caught in debris.

"Aaaaaaand the Poultrinator takes to the air for the kill!" The truck's engine roared, although the driver had to put up with the bumpy ride that came from having hundreds, potentially thousands, of rubber chickens as tires. He gunned it and the truck careened off the dirt ramp and onto another row of cars, which likewise buckled under the weight. "Who's at the top of the pecking order noooooooowwwwwww?!?!"

From the cheap seats, Peter and Professor von Steuben jumped excitedly with each mashing. "Oh man, this is so awesome!" Peter yelled above the roar of the crowd. "Best sacrifice ever!"

"Are you sure this will really work?" asked Russ, who was struggling to hear himself think. Not that he really needed to in this environment.

"Zey are rilly rubber cheekins zees time," said von Steuben, "so ze chance ees better."

"Fair enough, but what if it doesn't work?" asked Russ. "Where do we go from here?"

"Don't worry dude, we've still got options," replied Peter, who fist pumped as another row of cars found itself underneath the truck's chickeny tires. "Although there might not be enough time left... if only there were more Universities of the Bleeding Obvious in the world..."

Fujisawan Territories

08-02-2008, 21:39

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Shaojin Warriors in Court, Shibukji Arraigned on Charges

The Fujisawan Territories spent an off day mid qualifying in the Territorial Court of the First District in downtown Hoji yesterday for a preliminary hearing. One by one, each member of the team and head coach Stephen Distefano testified with varying levels of cooperation as witnesses of the Island of Iwosaka. They were testifying against former teammate Hirotaka Shibukji, who is accused of concealment of a deadly weapon, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted homicide.

A fourth charge of conspiracy to commit homicide was dropped and a charge of resisting arrest is pending in the lower courts. Because the offenses happened abroad, and they involve a deadly weapon, the charges were brought straight to Territorial Court, shortening the process.

Most testified matter-of-factly, some with a tinge of anger. It took almost four hours for the entire team and Distefano to testify. After the team’s testimony, the prosecution presented evidence to support the charges. Following the preliminary hearing, Shibukji was taken to the fourth floor for arraignment before Territorial Judge Miya Kahaya.

In a shocking development, Shibukji pleaded guilty to attempted homicide, something that nobody expected.

Immediately after the arraignment proceedings, Distefano announced that Shibukji would be removed from the Shaojin Warriors' roster and Junji Haruguchi of the University of Tijuku would be added to the roster at the forward position.

The following is a partial transcript from Shibukji’s arraignment proceedings, slightly edited for space concerns:

Court Officer: All rise for The Honorable Miya A. Kahaya, Territorial Judge of the First District, Iwosaka Island.

Court Officer: You may be seated...May the individual facing The Honorable Miya Kahaya please state his full name?

Mr. Shibukji: Hirotaka Gonshiro Shibukji.

The Honorable Miya Kahaya: Let the record reflect that Mr. Hirotaka Gonshiro Shibukji is present at this arraignment hearing in the Territorial Court of the First District, on the Island of Iwosaka. Mr. Shibukji, turn and face the court officer and raise your right hand.

[Mr. Shibukji does as instructed]

Court Officer: Mr. Shibukji, do you agree that you stand before The Honorable Miya A. Kahaya in the Territorial court of the First District on the Island of Iwosaka?

Mr Shibukji: Yes.

Court Officer: Do you agree that you are here this afternoon to answer to charges brought against you and to enter a plea for each charge?

Mr. Shibukji: Yes.

Court Officer: And in doing so, do you agree to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Mr. Shibukji: Yes.

Court Officer: Thank you Mr. Shibukji, you may be seated.

The Honorable Miya Kahaya: Mr. Shibukji, the court reporter will now read all charges that have been filed against you, and you will enter a plea of guilty, not guilty, or no contest.

Court Officer: Mr. Shibukji, the court hereby officially informs you that the charge of conspiracy to commit homicide has been dropped.

Court Officer: Mr. Shibukji, it is alleged that you had concealed in your possession a set of brass knuckles, which were subsequently used in an assault. This constitutes concealment of a deadly weapon. What is your plea, guilty, not guilty, or no contest?

Mr. Shibukji: Not guilty.

Court Officer: Let the record reflect that Mr. Shibukji has pleaded not guilty to the charge of concealment of a deadly weapon. Mr. Shibukji, it is alleged that you assaulted an individual using a set of brass knuckles. For this you have been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. How do you plea, guilty, not guilty or no contest?

Mr. Shibukji: Not guilty.

Court Officer: Let the record reflect that Mr. Shibukji has pleaded not guilty to the charge of assault with a deadly weapon. Mr. Shibukji, it is alleged that you kept assaulting said individual with the set of brass knuckles even after one Mrs. Izukoza Yoko, one Mr. Zenki Sakurai, and one Mr. Stephen Distefano tried to prevent you from further assaulting this individual, and the manner in which you were assaulting this individual by punching the individual in the face and head repeatedly constitutes attempted homicide. How do you plea, guilty, not guilty or no contest?

Mr. Shibukji: [slight pause] Guilty.

Court Officer: Let the record reflect that Mr. Shibukji has pleaded guilty to the charge of attempted homicide. Your Honor, all charges have been read to Mr. Shibukji at this time, and all pleas have ben entered in his name.

The Honorable Miya Kahaya: Thank you Mr. Shibukji. The court has nothing further at this time.

Bostopia

08-02-2008, 22:34

Three men, dressed in football kits dating back to the 1880's ran out onto the pitch at the Fort Boston Arena.

“This park has changed a fair bit, wouldn't you say old chum?”

“I jolly agree with you old boy, though the goals have stayed in the same place.”

“That is quite correct, sir, I was most pleased to see that the original North Entrance to this old stadium is exactly how it was in our day.”

“They tell me it's a 'protected building.'”

“What a good idea that was. Keeping the past in the present so that younger generations may enjoy it.”

“Much like ourselves.”

“Very true. Well, let's see if one's legs can still kick.”

Mr. G. H. Wills hit a shot toward the goals, and watched it go into the bottom right corner of the net.

“Good shot!”

“Thank you!”

Mr. G. H. Wills shook hands with Mr. J. Price and Mr. F. Hughes, and then got on with training.

Meanwhile, some 50 yards away, the Emperor was stood with Friemarn and Sanders, two of the other members of the defensive quartet.

“What are these kits?” Friemarn asked, “In my playing days in the '60's our shorts weren't three-quarter-length trousers!”

“Look,” Sanders began, “In my prime, the shorts may as well have been halfway up me thigh. At least we don't have to wear the boots they're wearing.”

The three men looked over at the boots, which were more like military boots than football boots.

“Actually,” the Emperor started. “I kinda like these old school uniforms.”

“They're heavy!” Sanders protested.

“And they've got buttons on for crying out loud!” Friemarn added.

“True. But it gives the wife something to undo doesn't it?”

And that, was the end of that conversation.

Taeshan

08-02-2008, 22:41

Well in some sad news th taeshani starters soccer team lost in sorthern northland today 2-0 nil. It was a horrible game, but some good news is that the under 21 team went to daehanjeiguk and beat one of the best teams in the world. The taeshaeni goal was scored by Zeke Jr.

Acapais

08-02-2008, 23:15

World Cup Qualifying – Friendly

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Jeruselem http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png
0:1 (0:0)

Match Report:
S'jet Stadium, Hearn, Acapais – The eighth match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was a friendly against Jeruselem and ended in a 1-0 loss for the home side on Thursday night courtesy of a late penalty kick. Acapais are now winless in their last five matches and goalless in their last two.

Only six minutes into the match, Paroe made a counterattack run down the left flank and crossed it to the center. Castro laid it down for Fronberry whose, low shot to the right of the keeper hit the post and went out for a goal kick. Jeruselem responded with many chances one of which should probably have led to a penalty kick and Red Card for Acapan Goalkeeper Paul Junxton, however neither was given. Jeruselem had other chances that Junxton easily dealt with towards the end of the first half. The score at halftime was an exciting 0-0.

Pablo’s rash tackle from behind led to his second caution in the 60th minute that reduced Acapais’s numbers to ten. Later on, the replay showed a Jeruselem defender spitting on midfielder Benjamin Nelson who retaliated by swinging an elbow and missing. Though the referee did not see the spitting incident, he did send off Nelson in the 81st minute reducing ten men to nine.

Struggling to salvage a draw, with two field players in the locker room, Acapais abandon their offensive tactics which proved ineffective, for in the 86th minute, the referee called a penalty kick for Jeruselem. Midfield and Captain, Scarlet Ferris, made no mistake finishing the goal and the match itself.

Scoring:
Jeruselem – Scarlet Ferris (pen) 87

Booking:
Acapais – Pablo (Caution; Reckless foul) 33
Acapais – Pablo (Sendoff; Subsequent Caution) 60
Acapais – B. Sample (Caution; wasting time) 72
Acapais – Benjamin Nelson (Sendoff; Violent Conduct) 81

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Paul Junxton (O'Hare 37)
2 - Bradly Sample (Billy Lunder 68)
3 - Derek Sample
4 - Nick Daniels (Danny Cole 55)
5 - Kyle Rummy
6 - Pablo (Benjamin Nelson 74)
7 - James Fronberry (C)
8 - Zachary McKellar (Dave Lugini 79)
9 - Henry Paroe (Jason Wellington 84)
11 - Al Vick Osman
10 - Jose Castro

Next Match:
vs. The Supermarket

Acapais Starters: Paul Junxton (GK); Bradly Sample, Nick Daniels, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Jason Wellington, Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, James Fronberry (C), Al Vick Osman; Jose Castro
Available Subs: Hunchman O'Hare, Rex Agitril, Matthew Amad, Danny Cole, Dave Lugini

Injuries/Supensions:
Bradly Sample – Hamstring (Probable)
Pablo (Suspended for MD8)
Benjamin Nelson (Suspended for MD8)

Acapais Goal Scorers:
3 - Jose Castro
2 – Dave Lugini
1 – Pablo
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – James Fronberry
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Henry Paroe
1 – Al Vick Osman

Acapais Assists Leaders:
3 – James Fronberry
2 – Pablo
2 – Al Vick Osman
1 – Derek Sample
1 – Dave Lugini
1 – Henry Paroe
1 - Jose Castro

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Nick Daniels
2 – Bradly Sample
1 – Derek Sample
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Pablo
1 – Jose Castro
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Pablo
1 – Benjamin Nelson

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

Acapais

08-02-2008, 23:48

Dear FFSA president, Sharon Eiboln,
The Acapais Football Association has shown interest in co-hosting a Cup of Harmony tournament with the FFSA. More details will follow.
Sincerely,
William Edwards
President of the Acapais Football Association

(OOC: I got to go; more later)

Wentland

09-02-2008, 00:23

"So what caused all this controversy?"

"The match in Jeru. Wentland's women basically picked themselves, after the coach debacle earlier in the group they camped out on Jeru's pitch overnight. And a quick telephone call, plus some rather interesting offers, meant that the men's team were not brought to the stadium until it was too late...Anne Foy, stepping in Hacker's shoes, handed over the teamsheet and the women had their revenge."

"It was an uncharacteristically attacking performance from a Wentland team as a result?"

"Indeed...three up in the first half, with Sema Trevisan bagging a brace and a magnificent Rose Dougall free-kick..."

"Even Imelda Davies got in on the act..."

"Yes, a rocket from 35 yards to make it four with half-an-hour remaining, even the comeback from Jeru was abortive and the astonishing finish from Holly Oakley, the dual goalkeeper/attacker, made it a nap hand."

"But Hacker did not forgive them..."

"No, and he insisted on picking the men's team for the Nova match...unfortunately WHINGE had injuncted him and everything got a bit confused..."

"We know who is going to start the next match?"

"Yes - it HAS to be the men, all the girls are suspended...but that leaves precious little spare players in case anything goes wrong..."

"Certainly it is a chaotic campaign, Wentland are mired in mid-table but just off the qualification points total..."

"So it's up to the men for the next game..."

"Yes, we wish them the best of luck - they'll need it..."

Sorthern Northland

09-02-2008, 01:07

"Hello and welcome to this late night news update on SNTV, I hear we have breaking news from Jason Slanihead so let's head over to him now."

"The Foreign Office has just announced that they have rejected a Bostopian request for the extradition of thousands of Sorthern citizens following our famous four one victory over them.

The capitalist propaganda machine has tried to cover up this defeat, claiming it was not the Bostopian team playing but rest assured the world does know of this fantastic victory or socialism.

As for the extradition issue though, the request comes following a turn of events which saw the White Cliff being temporarily ceded to Bostopia. It is believed that the Bostopians objected to playing in a nation they are at war with and were unprepared to try the "undeclare war, play game, win game, leave country, redeclare war" trick once again.

The Sorthern government then decided to temporarily cede sovereignty of the airport the Bostopian plane landed at, the teams route to the stadium and the stadium itself for the duration of the Bostopians stay in the country. The land fell back into Sorthern sovereignty after the match.

Following the return of sovereignty the Bostopian government in an attempt at undermining Sorthern Northland then applied to Sorthern courts for the extradition of "people who crossed into our land without showing passports and visas".

The courts have rejected this saying something about "they can feck right off" and in a more official statement "As Bostopian soil it was their responsibility to set up check points."

More news on this story when we get it. Now back to the studio."

Krytenia

09-02-2008, 03:30

[OOC: Please feel free to offer candidates for the Krytenian manager, asst. manager, and coaching positions.]

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Aces And Eights: Purple People Eaters Devour Latest Victim
by Rami Niblick in Jhanna

VENGEANCE is a word not often used in footballing circles. This, however, was pure revenge, undistilled, undiluted, and crisp as a shot of Orcinus for Betanii Marrones' side. It was also the last stand of Samuel Duffy and his entire coaching team, sacked after this shocking non-performance. For those of you who have been on another planet (or in Sorthern Northland, which is practically the same thing), the score of yesterdays game was Starblaydia eight, Krytenia nil.

It was a far cry from forty-one years ago. Back then, Krytenia were on top of the world, and after knocking the Men in Mauve out of the competition, were one game from the final. Starblaydi fans have not been allowed to forget this fact since. The backlash has already begun from certain wags among the violet-clad fanbase - among them "You can't spell Duffy without Duff", and the equally painful "What's the time? Eight past Ibanez.". This game will stick long in the craw of Krytenian fans, as their side simply collapsed like a house of wet cards under the weight of a Starblaydi performance worthy of their former RAWRCRUSH tag.

Justice for the Aces faithful has come, and come swiftly. The complete sacking of the bootroom team came barely three minutes after the final whistle, giving fans barely enough time to spraypaint "Duffy Out" on their bedsheets, let alone lobby the KFA. With qualification looking about as likely as encountering a sane Bostopian, it's believed the national sport's governing body are in no rush to appoint a replacement; however, with their next match being on Wednesday, they have installed an emergency caretaker in the form of reserve goalkeeper Adam Toivonen. At 32, Toivonen becomes the youngest man to manage the Aces, and the second goalkeeper. If he has even a tenth of the impact of the great Alan Munitis as a coach, we will be truly grateful.

Starblaydia - 8
Fullbright 9, 31, 46, 51
Mora 22
Bravo 60
Hinkonnen 76, 81

Krytenia - 0

Ratings: Ibanez 0 (Toivonen 1), Gibernau 0, Worvell 0 (Mpenza 0), Sparrow 0, Pojencic 0 (Svalberg 0), Taylor 0, Asquith 0, McDonald 0 (Isserson 0), Obadele 0, Kennedy 0, Lucas 0 (Lismond 0).

New Manhattan

09-02-2008, 03:52

Matchday 8 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13434540&postcount=10) are now up.

Qazox

09-02-2008, 04:26

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 8: vs Lovisa @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla.
QAZOX 2
Lovisa 2

Even with three days off after the long flight back from UCS, the Pheonix struggled to manage a 2-2 draw with Lovisa earlier tonight. StartingKeeper Sherlene Scheppe missed the match due to a case of Influenza, which took its toll on a few other players as well. Erin Goolden, making her debut, performed rather well, only allowing 2 goals, despite facing 14 shots on net.

Lovisa jumped out to leads of 1-0 and 2-0 in the first 30 minutes, but Qazox' young legs withstood the relentless attacks and in the 56th minute, Maria Cruz-Preli scored her first goal off a corner kick. Just minutes later, Renna Valladores tied it at 2-2. But the news wasn't all good for the Phoenix as in the final minutes, Reid Vidaca got whistled for a red card for intent to injure. He will miss the next match.

Speaking of which, the next match is at Minilla Island West, one of the worst teams competing. The Pheonix should win, but anything can happen on the road.

SUMMARY:
Lovisa: Goal- 21'
Lovisa: Goal- 30'
Qazox: Maria Cruz-Preli (GOAL- 56')
Qazox: Renna Valladores (GOAL- 59')
Qazox: RED CARD (Reid Vidaca- 88')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 3
Tarricone- 3
Valladores- 3
Huhman- 2
Farmwald- 1
Cruz-Preli- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-2 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Will miss the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

Sorthern Northland

09-02-2008, 04:45

Idiot from "another planet" to apply for Krytenia job.

The former Sorthern Northland manager, Kevin Hugh has today expressed an interest in the recently vacated Krytenia hotseat. The Krytenians, currently seating in sixth place in Group 8 sacked Samuel Duffy following an eight nil defeat against Starblaydia.

Speaking about the job Hugh said, "I heard somewhere that Krytenia is on a different planet so I'd love to travel through space, that'd be quite an experience. I must admit that I have yet to hear anything from Krytenia, but if they are on another planet I suppose it'll take a while, but I have some great footballing ideas should I get the job such as well erm I dunno really, play eleven players or something?"

Any chances of him getting the job have been laughed off by football commentators in Sorthern Northland and the same reaction should be expected when the news manages to cross roughly half way across Atlantian Oceania to Krytenia.

A quick look back at Kevin Hugh's managerial reign of Sorthern Northland's national team doesn't really bring up anything notable apart from an attempted suicide following Sorthern Northland's exit from the pre-WC36 Baptism of Fire.

Dazza Dallas also once notably rejected advances from Hugh. The Pazhujebs Islands have also rejected a job application from Hugh.

Kevin Hugh's carer in quotes

"A wanker trying to commit suicide" - How local police described his suicide attempt.

"I simply got lost on the way to the supermarket." - Hugh explains how he ended up on top of a tall building where it is believed he tried to commit suicide.

"just a shopping list" - Explains the mysterious note he left before being found on top of a tall building. Police thought it to be a suicide note.

"I did not have sexual relations with that man." Dazza Dallas following reports she had rejected advances from Hugh.

"I struggle to believe that a sane person can believe such a crap player is good enough for the national team" A top SN psychiatrist following reports that Hugh was told to pick Waylan Bootle by oices in his head.

"Yes but there are some positives to talk from this game." Hugh after a 6-1 defeat to Qazox.

"Probably the worst manager I have ever worked with."
Just about every player to have played under Kevin Hugh.

Prux

09-02-2008, 04:57

"LIVE from Pruxton, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Pruxton, Prux for Match 8 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Milchama, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "Milchama just edged us out 2-1 in the opener, Hopefully we can do the same tonight."

RJ: "Milchama is a team that isn't afraid of playing on the road."

<plays the Milchama national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, all 45,890 of them are chanting: LUCKY BASTARDS!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts Chanting M-V-P!!!>

Coach: "Matt Victor Paulsen, the local boy, 4 goals last time out, looks to repeat his performance tonight!"

RJ: "Milchama opens by taking the ball..."

<cut to 23rd minute>

RJ: "Avi Belmowitz makes it 1-0 Warriors.!"

Coach: "What crappy defending there by the defense. They are acting like they took a chair-shot to the head!"

RJ: "Maybe the extended time off has lead to a little bit of pitch-rust."

<cut to 29th minute>

RJ: "Avi Belmowitz, has scored again and its now 2-0 Milchama!"

Coach: "WHAT is that referee doing?!?! He just handed out a yellow card to Juan Senna, and he was nowhere near the play!"

RJ: "Let me check the referee list.. OH MY DOG!!! We accidently got a Milchaman referee! Mr. Nicnann needs to protest this game!"

<cut to 38th minute>

RJ: " Kenji Miller, after 2 yellow cards given One to Andy Norton and the other to Rey Mystery has scored on a penalty kick!

Coach: "I'm protesting the rest of this match. I'm not calling this debacle."

<cut to 51st minute>

RJ: "THERE'S 13 men on the pitch, and the referee doesn't call it!!! And now it's 4-0 Milchama after that blatantly illegal subsitution, allowing 2 extra men on the field! Andy Holmes and Barrett Olimayu SHOULDN'T BE OUT THERE! But the DAMN ref is allowing Barrett Olimayu's goal!"

Coach: "I'm still not saying anything."

<cut to 89th minute>

RJ: "And it's now 4-1 as finally Prux scores, thanks to Hedge's goal."

Coach: "I'm still not saying anything. This match was a travesty! A biased referee, illegal subsitutions and they had 13 players on the field on that 4th goal!"

<END of match>

RJ: "A very one-sided 4-1 loss for the Prawns in a match they needed to win. Mr. Nicnann has imformed us that he has filed a protest with the NSWCC. But I'll be dammed if they'll listen to us! Up next is Kura-Pelland who beat us 5-1 last time out. For Coach Johnathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, we'll see you next week in Kura-Pelland!

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-8 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-4
Hedge-3 (1- pk)
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Green wombat

09-02-2008, 05:09

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS draw Bull_horns_rule.

We apologize for the mistake in the last edition of the Blather. We meant to write that the next match was against Bull_horns_rule NOT Bostopia, as was written in last Tuesday's edition. We will try to better in the future.

As for the match, nothing happened really, as it wound up in a 0-0 draw.

Now the next game is Bostopia, here in Green wombat. Last time Bostopia won 2-0, but i think that the score will be closer, as a 1-1 draw seems likely.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Danica Howes- 1
Phillip Milligan-1

Casari

09-02-2008, 06:16

In a vague attempt to cash in on the recent success of the National team- as well as increase the number of fixtures for said team, which struggles to keep fit in between matches- the Casaran First Division has committed to an around-the-league series with the National Team, showing off the team around the country to fans that might not make the long trip to Tyrellia.

The creation of a full time NT program was criticized by some fans, although the recent 1-0 victory over JSY has shown that the program has kicked the team in the arse just a bit. However, the next proposal is much more controversial.

The statement by the First Division that matches against the National Team will count for points in the league has caused everything from understanding, to raised eyebrows, to bloodthirsty calls for the heads of team managers.

Michael Maclusky, head of the National Team program, was optimistic about the tour. "Along with keeping the team fit for international competition, playing for points guarantees that we face motivated, tough competition that are looking to win, as opposed to lame duck second team competition, like we usually do during domestic friendlies, which is better for both the fans, who get to see a true tough match, and the team, which will have to learn to truly compete."

Greg Reinholdt, President of the Tyrellia City Football Club, also was favorable to the idea. "It gives our fans another chance to see our team at it's best- which is what they really want to see. Fans don't want to see CSA Cup matches against a 4th or 5th Division team, where we run out the reserves and the other team is playing with 5 defenders, 4 defenders pretending to be midfielders, and a lone striker whose job it is to shag goal kicks and dance with the ball to kill the clock."

The fan response is heavily mixed. Terrence Larson, from Shelby, was a typical representative of the Pro argument:

"It's one more game and one more change to see Shelby play- particularly the first team, which doesn't always show on a week-to-week basis. It's not like it's only affecting one team, too, everyone has to play this extra game."

At the same time, vocal Tyrellian International fan Roger Warrens voiced the negative arguments.

"It's another fixture in a schedule already congested with them. It's random points being thrown into the schedule, and isn't fair at all. It'll destroy the integrity of the league, and there's nobody saying that the national team will be the same week to week either! What if the first teamers show up against us and the second against City? We're put at a disadvantage by a team that's not even playing for the league title, and that's just wrong. At the same time, it could wear out the national team, which already has a full schedule to be played. This is just a money grab to stuff the CSA's bank account. They took money from he Bostopians, and now they want money from us."

Arguments continue, and although the CSA is keen on seeing the plan go forward, a number of team presidents- particularly ones of smaller teams, who feel that an extra game will strech out the table, hurting their chances of reaching higher on the table. However, Kyle Jenkins voiced a popular fan sentiment on that particular issue.

"If they can't win, maybe they shouldn't be in the league. It's as simple as that."

Magnus Valerius

09-02-2008, 10:10

OOC: Tag

Jeruselem

09-02-2008, 11:50

Queen Skate's Blog

Hello subjects, err people!

My sister is doing a great job as my replacement on THE FOOTBALL LIFE. She's making a fantastic Princess so far and even those Monks like her. I find that strange since most people find me, Mum and Jacinta behave very similarly.

Poor Kara Kool. Having to watch the games with a broken foot as Hikfie Dallas bumbles her way around on the football life. We needed her during the game against the Monks next game but I'm sure our boys and girls can do the job without her.

Hifkie isn't suited to being on THE FOOTBALL LIFE as it requires a quick talking and quick witted person. Mind you she says some strange things too but then at least she's trying. She isn't good with names. At school, people called her Hippie Dallas and it took her a while to work out her real name was Hikfie. I've been to Bostopia and seen her kids, they are a bit slow but not stupid.

That Alfredo Neves fellow who coaches our Jeru FC is doing a great job! Yes, we had three rather bad losses but five wins too. Actually, same number of wins as Jeruselem but Jeruselem have three draws instead of losses.

I think those boys have a chance of being top 3. I fully expect a few more losses coming up seeing how up and down they are but as long as the wins roll in - wow.

Jane Sanderson is doing good job too. Apart from the draws, we look solid and firm. The draws were against good teams like Demot, Monks and them islanders who haven't been doing so well lately.

People want know what happened between Mum and that Kevin Hugh character? Not much, Kevin hit on Mum but he didn't meet her standards of a man. Nothing personal towards Kevin there but even Mum has her standards. Mind you if she was totally drunk then there aren't any standards ... err yeah.

Kevin Hugh and Alfredo Neves went for the Jeru FC coaching job. We went for experience and Alfredo is the man now ... he's going a great job with our boys. Five wins, more than last two cups combined.

Must talk about Ariddia! They are running hot, and well we're jealous. We've got their Jane and their Dazza ... but Ariddia are just the team now. Being quarter-Ariddian, I'm proud to be that too.

I noticed my friend Scarlet Ferris who's actually from Oliverry is proving a bit of a hottie in her homeland.

That's it from me. I need to go drive my new Bugati Veron that arrived yesterday. You'll be seeing it on Top Gear Jeruselem too, I think Mum wants to drive it.

Love
XXX

The Official blog of Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem

Fujisawan Territories

09-02-2008, 12:59

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Shaojin Warriors Draw 3-3, Keep Improving Little By Little

Hoji, Iwosaka - Security was tight in the Crosscom Global Arena for a match that was delayed two and a half hours due to a steady downpour. The palm trees outside the area swayed in an early evening tropical breeze and a light drizzle fell upon the field as the game finally got underway.

The Territories wasted no time getting down to business with an explosive start. Takuji Motoyoshi filling in at forward for the injured Izukoza Yoko scored in the tenth minute, and Nobomitsu Sataka scored in the sixteenth minute to put the Territories up 2-0. Rugiero came back, scoring in the twenty-eighth and forty-first minutes to make it 2-2. Rugiero scored again in the seventy third minute to make it 3-2 Rugiero, but the Fujisawan Territories tied it up again off a score by Masumi Matsumara in the seventy-ninth minute.

“It was a marked improvement, and we had a good start. We need to work on finishing our matches on a stronger note, but we aren’t losing in shutouts like we were before,” coach Stephen
Distefano remarked in a post match interview. “And for as much off field drama as we’ve been having, I think it’s remarkable that we’ve been able to stay as focused as we have,” he added.

Two Arrested at Crosscom Checkpoints
Hoji, Iwosaka - Hoji police chief Mitsuhida Nishimuraya reported that only two people were arrested at Crosscom Global Arena as a result of the checkpoints now in place. Maemi Narahashi,19, of Magiku, was arrested on a public intoxication charge. Her blood alcohol level was double the legal limit. Masujiro Tommi, 43, of Hoji, was arrested on a concealed weapon charge. Tommi was found to have a screwdriver in his possession. When asked by HPD officers why he had the screwdriver, he replied that he did not know. Both Narahashi and Tommi were booked at the Japantown substation.

“We had satisfactory results. Most everybody complied with our requests and we had a safe zeokit match as a result. I’m proud of the men and women of HPD keeping Crosscom safe,” Nishimuraya said following the match.

Yoko in Good Spirits After Undergoing Operation
Magiku, Iwosaka - This morning, Izukoza Yoko underwent surgery on her right ankle to stabilize the fracture and insert a screw. The procedure was performed by Dr. Morouji Baisotei at Hoji Metropolitan Hospital for Women, Children, and the Economically Disadvantaged, in the troubled Hoji suburb of Magiku.

Fujisawan Territories head coach Stephen Distefano visited Yoko in her hospital room after the match at Crosscom Global Arena, noting that she had watched the match on TV, and that she was in good spirits with some minor pain. “I think the painkillers were making her a little kooky, but overall I’m happy to say she’s going to be okay,” said Distefano. The rest of her teammates stopped by soon after Distefano to show their support and sign her bright blue cast.

Yoko will stay on the women’s orthopedic floor overnight and will be discharged in the morning.

Letters to the Editor
‘Unsportsmanlike Conduct’
Not only do I blame Hirotaka Shibukji for the assault that happened in Prux, I also blame Coach Distefano. There’s no way in hell that you wouldn’t know one of your own players is sneaking weapons into the matches. For a country fresh from the experience of martial law that prevented us from following our progress in the Baptism of Fire, we don’t need our qualifying matches ruined as well with this unsportsmanlike conduct on our part. We’re lucky to even be in the World Cup Qualifiers in the first place. Stephen Distefano should step down for not keeping close tabs on his team and jeopardizing our international image.
Razan Sugiyama
Tijuku, Narasaka

Distefano not at Fault
I can’t see why so many people are blaming Coach Distefano when Hirotaka Shibukji is the one who snuck brass knuckles into the game and assaulted that Prux player. If a kid goes and shoots up his high school are we going to blame all the teachers and the principal automatically? No. The same logic applies here. So we owe Coach Distefano some respect and the benefit of the doubt. To everyone blaming the coach, I say lay off!
Yoriko Mitsuya
Hoji

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record online poll results
Q: Should Stephen Distefano resign as a result of the fallout from the Hirotaka Shibukji assault scandal?
Yes: 36%
No: 64%

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-02-2008, 13:56

IN PRAISE OF DANCOUGAR

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

Come praise Dancougar's squad, and come praise
Their black-dark kit of woven intricacies,
The horizontal white stripe of daylight there,
If daylight ever visits where,
Unvisited by tempest or by sun,
Imperial visitors tread the ground
Dizzy with their 3-0 victory's sound,
Against the brave home losers.

And yonder in the Black Wing's stadium thrives
The self-sown, self-begotten shape that gives
The Imperial squad its mastery:
Their coach the grey-haired Juan Tzimisces
Miracle-bred out of the living stone;
Nor accident of peace nor war
Shall wither this old marvel, for
A great grey-eyed Athenian stares therefrom,

Who comes into this country, and has come
Where golden crocus and narcissus bloom,
Where Dancougar fans, mourning for their lost team
And beauty-drunken by concession beer
Ignore the grey-haired Juan Tzimisces,
Who plucked a flower and sung of victory;
Who finds abounding Stylites
Has found the loveliest spectacle there is.

Because Dancougar had a pious mind
And sacrifices rubber chickens when all mankind
But treads the road, or splashes 'bout the shore,
And worshipped Margaret through Milchaman lore,
Every local lad and lass realises
That all this lore of fabelled Margaret
Summer and winter, day and night,
Is worthless 'fore this new Imperial might.

The Archregimancy

09-02-2008, 14:27

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: The Pazhujeb Islands. Again.

Fellow nations: we rejoice that the Lord our God has seen fit in his unknowable wisdom and unfathomable mercy to grant unto a position on the qualifying table whereby, more than halfway through the qualifiers, we're only three points from first in the table, and five points away from fourth. While we take nothing for granted, and recognise that the Lord may yet choose to punish us for our hubris in pointing this out, compared to the last two campaigns our nation has suffered through to soul-strengthening effect, this really isn't too bad. Perhaps this success has come about through Fr. Alexey the Hegumen's insistence that the squad not spend the halftime break engaging in earnest disputes over subtle distinctions in post-Palamite sermons on the relationship between God's energies and essence; or maybe it's simply improved squad cohesion - the two are not entirely mutually exclusive.

No doubt many media associations will be expecting a comment from the Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod regarding our recent match against the Pazhujeb Islands in the UCS following the well-known controversies surrounding the coup in the Islands and the refuge granted to their national squad in the Archregimancy in the first half of the qualifying tournament. While some of the squad freely and sincerely converted to Orthodoxy, others merely converted out of convenience in order to avoid being sent back to their homeland.

After inviting the entire squad to celebrate the Divine Liturgy prior to the match in the UCS, and then secretly spraying them with Holy Water as they entered our dressing room, we have established that the following players are true converts to the Orthodox church:

Amutarrad
Tushambanda
Rha
Parokshara
Quridheru
Vuhumkara

The rest of the squad are welcome to repent and truly convert to Orthodoxy at the time of their choosing, but otherwise risk finding themselves answerable for their sins to our Saviour on the Day of Judgement.

The match itself ended in a 2-0 victory for our God-fearing lads.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Bazalonia

09-02-2008, 16:38

OOC: Sorry for the delay in posting this... This should have been earlier

IC:

Verona Inc. vs. Dallas International Enterprises @ Georgetown Nova Stadium
Banco Econômico vs. Bostopian Tourist Board @ Trevton City Enclosed Field

Banco Econômico vs. Globo Multimídia @ Stadium Verona
Bostopian Tourist Board vs. Verona Inc. @ Georgetown Nova Stadium

Verona Inc. vs. Banco Econômico @ Trevton City Enclosed Field
Dallas International Enterprises vs. Globo Multimídia @ Stadium Verona

Dallas International Enterprises vs. Banco Econômico @ Georgetown Nova Stadium
Globo Multimídia vs. Bostopian Tourist Board @ Trevton City Enclosed Field

Verona Inc. vs. Globo Multimídia @ Stadium Verona
Bostopian Tourist Board vs. Dallas International Enterprises @ Georgetown Nova Stadium

And so the fixtures been announced, the teams had arrived and it was time for the first 2 matches of the tournament to get underway...

The first results are...

Verona Inc 1-0 Dallas International Enterprises
Banco Econômico 2-3 Bostopian Tourist Board

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bostopian Tourist Board 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
2 Verona Inc 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
3 Globo Multimídia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
4 Banco Econômico 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0
5 Dallas International Enterprises 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

Yafalonia and Bazor 2

09-02-2008, 17:02

And so the first match back with Edward the Cockroach as the coach...

"You see these are military men, so they are going to be drilled and rigid, It's going to be our flexibility... and no whacking people over head with a shoe is not flexible Umar."

A very visible and audible sigh came from Umar... "Alright boss." he said "but I'm still going to bash them up!"

And so the last minute strategy meeting was over, and it was only moments before the team was to head out onto the pitch... for the rather confused jumble that was the Yafalonian and Bazorite 'national' anthem.

"I suppose there will be a throng of media." Edward sighed... as he exited expecting almost to get trampled on by them, wanting to ask questions about why Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and why not for the current military Junta?
But there was none.

"Oh, obviously hadn't heard." Bob Tresgovsken commented as he walked behind.

"Heard what?"

"Oh, we've banned media from all home games, and banned publishing of all news articles related to you. See, no media, no media wanting to get you to talk afterwards, complete obscurity. That's what you wanted right? and was part of our deal?"

"Yes, and yes.. but what about the team?"

"Oh, don't worry, we;ll think of something to keep their spirits up... Ph, you;ve just given me a great idea."

"I don't want to know." Edward commented... he could only shudder at what it was... and then something else dawned on him...

"Ugh, what about the Hardy's and Chet?"

"Oh, those three have been labeled as 'Enemies of the State' and are to be shot on sight by any military or police member."

"WHAT?!"

"Yes, they won't be comming here any time soon."

"Yes, well, they probably won't luckily you don't havce to big an army or police force."

"What?! They make up 37% of the nations budget alone."

"Oh dear..."

Daehanjeiguk

09-02-2008, 17:44

Sports Inquiry - "The Second Half!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

And so, we begin the second half of yet another whimsical chance to qualify, and I maintain my pre-Qualifier chant that to win is nigh. So what that the Imperial Team is currently ranked third in the group? We've still got 7 more matches to go and we've only gotten 13 points in our first 7. What makes the second set of 7 any better? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

See, all of those teams that we beat are now playing at their home, so we'll have the great luxury of trying to beat them at their home, where they will have the great advantage of playing behind a shiny white-stained glass wall of semi-real fame and fortune. Of course, the Imperial players don't have a wall, so they have no real advantage when playing at home. I do suppose those thousands of fans shouting senseless obscenities at the referee and the opposing players might make a difference, but we're all adults here. Who'd do such a thing in our day and age?

Just for proof. The Han took Taeshan at home - lost. The Han took Ariddia at home - couldn't even score a single shot. We have no hope against the likes of Krytenia, Cadarnia, BHR, Green Wombat, Bostopia, and Ulzaxid. So if you're playing the whimsical hope game that you'll have the chance of a lifetime to get on a plane to Valanora or to Capitalizm, you're deluded beyond all help and need to see a doctor (I happen to be such a fine doctor and can get prescribe all sorts of medication for your sorry case). If this doesn't cave your hopes, then my friend, I suppose you'll have to wait and find out for yourself on the pitch come the time.

I'll make some predictions, since it's that easy!

@ Krytenia - We lose: 1-2.
v Cadarnia - They'll fight, and we'll draw: 1-1.
@ BHR - With a name like theirs, we'll have to lose: 1-5.
v Green Wombat - We drew them once, and we'll draw them again: 2-2.
@ Bostopia - We beat them the first time around, but that's because we had some stupid anti-tank guns. Yeah, I'll bet it's easier trying to smuggle those things into customs on the way to Bostopia this time around, so we'll definitely lose this match: 0-5.
v Ulzaxid - We lost to them last time, and there's no real reason to suggest that we'll beat them this time around: 1-3.

And there is the end of hope, as you should know it. No way we'll ever qualify with such a gloomy prospect as this. And you know what will make it all right? IF WE GET RID OF THAT %$#& HEAD COACH, LIKE I SAID IN THE FIRST MATCH. But of course, the IFA won't listen to the likes of people who care and know how to win. They'll stick with Cha Beomgeun and lose yet again. Nothing else to say here.

Goal Scorers:
5 - Jeong Jihun
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Taeshan

09-02-2008, 18:05

" I see agent deria. You have uncovered my plot to kidnap the taeshan team" says bill slayer.
"Yes i have and you shall die for this", says agent unrighteous as he shoots at slayer.:sniper:
Anyways the taeshan team practically hilled kalmykakstan in todays game in taeshan. Taeshans scorers were zeke, Brian ying uing and DefenderJayly Riae.

Zwangzug

09-02-2008, 18:17

"Why do you think it's wearing a collar?" pondered Ted.

"I have no idea," Belinda bluntly replied.

"It's not tied to anything."

Belinda caught herself before snapping "I know", instead glancing out the window to corroborate.

"So what's the point?" he pressed on.

"There's probably a secret message," she retorted. "If found, please return to Yafalonia and Bazor 2. P. S. The Baptism of Fire was clearly a conspiracy."

"That would make our job easier," Ted replied brightly.

Assuming he had caught her sarcasm, she nevertheless descended the stairs (she had to get some exercise, after all, this was the athletic organization). By the time she'd got to the second flight, Ted had caught up, and he was out the door while she was still on the fourth floor. She shrugged-snooker players didn't train for leg endurance-and followed him out.

"It looks familiar," he said, spinning the collar around, "but I don't know where it's from."

Belinda nodded as she inspected it. "We can take it off, I think." She fumbled with the latch for several moments (her younger brother had several allergies, and her family had never owned a pet) before Ted volunteered to do so and deftly removing it.

Able to turn it over from all angles, Belinda toyed with it until something went click in her mind. "The dogs at the police station."

"I told you we should have gone there. What about them?"

"They had invisible fences that kept them at the station. There had to be something on them that links with the fence."

"So now we can get him off?"

"Doesn't hurt to try." Drastically reenergized, Belinda dragged Sloopy forward to the edge of the property where he stood, recalcitrant. "He's still conditioned to not cross over. Push from behind-"

With the effort from both of them, Sloopy broke through the no-longer-relevant barrier. Thus free, he immediately took off as fast as he could run.

Belinda smiled, almost wistfully. "You were right all along."

Ted laughed. "Glad to be of service."

"I'll walk you back to the train station, if you like." Now that it was gone, she wanted the situation over with as quickly as possible.

"You still want to find out who did it, don't you?"

"I don't think we really have a chance."

"We have the collar. It probably has the name of the group that made it. And let's face it, there's not going to be too many different companies selling these. You're...no offense..." Ted seemed a little nervous that he was going to insult her. "Commies?"

Belinda laughed. "I'm not really sure myself. But there are probably just as many customer privacy regulations to go through."

Ted smiled. "Leave that to me."

Wing Wang Woo 0
Zwangzug 1 (Terwilliger 29)

Bostopia

09-02-2008, 18:23

“And here come the Bostopia Tourist Board squad.

In goal, Dave Kripp, of Fort Boston FC 1997 - 2017 and Bostopia 1999 - 2014, World Cups 29 through to halfway through World Cup 33.

Defenders. Left back Peter Ward, Malcington Telecoms 1954 to 1969, Bostopia 1953 – 1960.

Central defender Daniel Friemarn, Monham United 1942 – 1955, Bostopia 1945 – 1955.

Central defender Craig Sanders, Hilltop FC 1973 – 1975, Bostopia 1974 – 1975, a career cut short by a terrible injury suffered playing against Prussingberg Town.

Your right back, Emperor Boston. With absolutely no playing career he's thrown into the squad based on the fact this is his best position.

Left midfielder, Luke Dranfield, Glenrock FC 1921 – 1929, Bostopia 1919 – 1923.

Central midfielder, Frank Hughes, The Fort Boston Football Club, 1876 – 1887, East Isle 1876 – 1880, Bostopia 1880 – 1887. Hughes has the honour of being the first goalscorer for the unified Bostopian team.

Right midfielder, Jack Rowen, Courtallington Rovers, 1963 – 1969, Bostopia 1965 – 1967.

Central attacking midfielder and captain, Steven Serring, Fort Boston FC 1998 – 2014, Bostopia 1999 – 2014. Retiring only a few years ago, Serring was Bostopia's first captain in the World Cup, and the wonderkid of the Bostopia team.

Striker, John Price, Writers Sports Club 1879 – 1883, Bostopia 1880 – 1891. Scored the third goal in the first game the unified Bostopian team ever played.

Striker, Gregory Henry Wills, Fort Boston Ranton FC 1880 – 1903, Bostopia 1880 – 1901. G. H. Wills scored the second goal in Bostopia's 3 – 0 win over Outer Sygon in their first unified match.

They are managed by the legendary Adam Collick, the first manager to take Bostopia into the World Cup, and the only manager to win non-regional honours with Bostopia, winning the Cup of Harmony in Turori in his final game in charge.

The Bostopian Tourist Board are playing in their 1880 kit, consisting of red and blue halves.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/btbproper1.png

---89 minutes in---

“The Bostopian Tourist Board squad have it tied at two goals a piece at they win this late corner, with Dranfield taking it from the left hand side.

He floats the ball in, G. H. Wills looks to get his head on it but the ball is much lighter than he expected, it's not one of the leather types he's used to back from the 1880's, and it's smacked off the bar, the ball's semi-cleared by one of the Banco Economico players but it falls only to BOSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! GOAL! THREE! TWO! TOURIST BOARD! EMPEROR BOSTON DOES IT!

He's belted a volley in from the edge of the area, it's managed fly past most of the players in the area, and he's sealed the win! Not much of a celebration, but it'll do.”

Boston had been immediately approached by G. H. Wills, who gave him a few congratulatory words before offering a firm handshake, and was quickly followed by the rest of the squad, who went around shaking hands with each other, leading to a queue of players forming round Kripp in goal to shake his hand once they'd realised he'd been left out.

Following the match, the team were settling into the hotel's bar in Bazalonia, with the three oldest players smoking pipes on what they referred to as the “veranda”, with the rest of the team sat inside by the bar.

“Those balls are jolly light aren't they?”

“Yes they are old chap, I cut one open after the match and discovered it didn't have a proper bladder inside.”

“Egads. What have they done to our game? I got a 'yellow card' for pulling a fellow's shirt. In my day he'd have apologised to me for being too quick for me and we'd have got on with it.”

“Our game has turned soft, wouldn't you say?”

“Indubitably. Now, what say we head inside for a scotch?”

“Splendid idea. I hear there's 'World Cup Qualification Action' showing on the 'tele' as the Emperor put it, perhaps we could see how badly our game is faring now?”

“Badly, I presume.”

Dancougar

09-02-2008, 18:34

(Bad 70s porn music!)
JACK: Name that tune, Bill, it's time for Role Play. Nothing like a good round of heads on sticks. (Takes one) Who am I?
BILL: Jack, you're Hideo Ikeda. You put up another goose egg last night against the Holy Empire, which seems to have your team's number. The team is averaging under a goal a game, and has been shut out in four of eight. What are you doing up there?
JACK: Well, if you had been paying attention last night, you would know. I did an awful lot of running, Jeff too, and the ball hardly ever came my way. The midfield was overmatched yet again, so they couldn't serve anything up.
BILL: Well maybe you should've pulled back and helped them out, then create something. That's an adjustment you need to know to make.
JACK: You know, you'd think that, but it wears you out very quickly to try and compete with that Empire midfield. It has a lot of speed; if I get tired out chasing them around, I don't have any legs left when it's go time.
BILL: Only three shots last night for the whole team, go time doesn't happen until you actually go! (Takes a cardboard face) Who am I?
JACK: You are Alejandro Stylites. You terrorized the Wing defense again last night, picking up a goal in the twentieth minute, and your relentless assault kept the Wings and the fans out of the game. What is is about this team that brings out your best?
BILL: So, the Wings do try to play strong at the back, Nance and Travers are big in the middle, but they just can't keep up with me. I move around a lot, catch them out of position. That's the way you beat this team. Direct runs are usually going to get cut out, but anyone with a good awareness is going to find openings.
JACK: It looked like they were trying to make adjustments for you, especially by starting Dominica over Saegusa to try and get some more speed in the back.
BILL: That was a bit different, but we planned for that. We scout the whole team before a game, so we know what the bench has to offer. And while he's certainly more mobile, he wasn't as loose as some of the other guys who have been starting regularly, so it took him awhile to really adjust to the flow we brought. When I see that, makes me lick my chops.
JACK: You certainly pounced on your opportunities. (Takes a head) Who's next?
BILL: You're Pat French. People have been telling you that your defensive style of play is not good enough to make up the deficit that you need to. Why do you persist?
JACK: We don't have enough attacking players, plain and simple. We only brought three forwards, and most of the midfielders we have play with a defensive bias. Realistically, we could possibly switch to the 3-5-2 and start Waya. Then he and Akira can push up and make it a 3-3-4, similar to what the Empire likes to play. But I'm not convinced yet that we can deal with top teams with only three at the back, especially considering how much they like to attack.
BILL: If the roster is really a problem, you have two hundred and sixteen college rosters you can pick from at any time. Why not dip into that and build up for a second half run?
JACK: Because I don't want to disrupt what rapport the current players have built up with each other. Granted, you can't really tell that there is any when you get a result like that, but I can't imagine what would happen if I make too many changes and face a top twenty team with what is essentially a brand new team.
BILL: Something has to happen, eight points off the pace.
JACK: Anyone who thought we'd qualify this year is out of their mind!
BILL: (Takes a head) Last one, Jack, who am I?
JACK: You are Guillermo Yeatses. I always look forward to your post-match poetry slam, and the ones you put out for the games with us tend to be of the highest quality. Break it down for us, G-man!
BILL:

Should ever they rise and play like men
The college boys of the Beast God's realm
And get good cover at the back
Against majestic Stylites' runs
And Mike Ducaso's hidden guns
Then confidence they bring won't crack
As Nance and Travers take the helm
And get results inside their den

For should the proud Empire cease
Their unstemmed streak of shoot and score
A chance for Black Wing points appears
Yet we hear not from Ikeda's boot
Without the ball, Akira's moot
And so Comneno cries no tears
As the match confirms Tzimisces lore
In a lofty win, their golden fleece

JACK: And that's it, Role Play is over. When we come back, Bettia is in a funk, three straight draws after five straight wins. And Hopeless SC is storming back, quietly on a four game unbeaten streak!

Candelaria And Marquez

09-02-2008, 18:42

Beep Beep! Beep Beep!

Beep.

FT: C&M 1 Endmile 1

Caras 37'
Burgos og 72'

Beep.

Beep.

Lyndon Hernández, the Candelaria And Marquez Minister for Rational Thought, and the other stuff, grinned as he slipped his mobile back into a pocket. Quite how they’d managed to draw at home to a side they’d beaten five-one in Bloedmeer was anyone’s guess, though a series of tough CMSC fixtures and the unfamiliar surroundings of the Kaleta Online Dome had probably contributed.

It was pleasing none the less. It was just the sort of result he needed, though it was starting to seem like it would amount to naught. The expected challenges of the Nires and Jariss had fallen away, and Endmile themselves were eight points behind the Candelariasians. There remained a decent chance that a portion of that gap could be made up over the next couple of games, with the press expecting little from the trip to Northern Bettia or the visit of the Az-czzers. But, to put it nicely, the Endmile national football team were a steaming pile of crap; and any hopes that Lloyd Donnelly would be able to bugger things up for C&M seemed to be pipe dreams.

Which was why Hernández was here, on a surprisingly warm winter’s morning, amongst the rolling hills of West Candelaria. The unquestionable beauty of the place was marred by its complete lack of random gates, tiny farmsteads or yokels yan tan tethering their cattle. The place was devoid of human involvement for miles in every direction; a clear sign for those who knew what they were looking for that this was Government Land.

Usually, the capital letters were rather superfluous; since most Candelariasian governments lacked the imagination and propensity for hand-rubbing malevolence to know what to do with green expanses. Today however it was teeming with life, albeit of a sort that the Minister had little interest in spending too much time in the company of.

He watched as a number of distressingly large hobbits crept around a suspiciously polystyreney rock and came face to face with a tall, hooded figure. The lead hobbit gulped.

“Are you… Are you her?” it asked breathlessly. “The one we have been sent to meet? The High Lady of Elune? The bearer of the warp stone?”

The figure shook its head solemnly and pushed back its hood to reveal a flowing mass of russet hair. Unfortunately this act also dislodged a pointy ear, which fell to the ground and nestled playfully amongst the forget-me-nots.

“CUT! FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!”

Hernández put a hand over his eyes. “Oliver,” he calmly asked the director, “Just to clarify, are you sure this is going to be ready before the World Cup?”

Oliver Corallino sighed. “Really, Minister, there’s nothing to worry about. It’ll take a little longer to WHIP THIS BUNCH OF AMATEURS INTO SHAPE, but have no fears. Land Beyond Rethshaar: Shrine of the Warp Stone will be gracing every cinema in the country before a single Candelariasian has stepped in Valanora!”

“I do hope not, Oliver. I’m counting on it going straight to DVD.”

The director huffed. “We will have to see, Minister. We’re filming the segments in Valanora itself next week. I trust you will be coming to watch our progress for yourself?”

“Yes. Possibly. Probably. I’m not really sure I want to leave the Candelarias while she’s sti… Um.” Hernández pulled himself together. “No. I’m sure I can trust you to do a fine job.”

He winced as the Ruins of Forbidden Hondo broke free from their moorings and rolled down a hill before coming to rest in an astonished tarn, which hadn’t accounted for collapsing scenery disrupting its glacial existence that morning.

Looking at it reasonably, you’d never believe that any of the supposedly intelligent population of the Candelarias – or for that matter anyone who’d had more than two oily fish-based dinners at some point in their lives – would possible swallow the idea that anyone would spend time and money on that which would become Land Beyond Rethshaar: Shrine of the Warp Stone. Much less that the rest of the world would fall head over heels for it, and that the country of its supposed origin – Valanora – would become Land-Beyond-Rethshaar World in a bid to attract tourists. But you could do remarkable things with CGI, and some of the hobbits really were rather cute, even if they were frequently approaching six foot.

But it explained the elves, and Hernández had found over the years that Candelariasians could be convinced that foreigners were into anything. Secretly, he was rather pleased with his little plot. He knew deep down he’d be rather upset if C&M got dumped in the UCS.

He turned away as the Swamp Horror of Aboleth sneezed mid-secretion, and once again laboriously punched the number of the hospital into his phone.

________________

Somewhere else…

Sukie Rohaert had a feeling that her laminated Ministry of Rational Thought pass meant for little here. What did the government of this Candelaria And Marquez have to keep from their public, after all? The country was crawling with behoofed men, pale women with several feet-long breasts, harpies and heaven knows what else, and nobody seemed to bat and eyelid. Still, a laminated pass was a laminated pass, and Hernández had taken special care on day two to show her how to waggle it to maximum effect, without actually letting anyone see it.

She waggled it with as much confidence she could muster at the bored young receptionist. “Lyndon’s expecting me. I’ll go straight on in.”

She went straight on in before the girl had any time to formulate a response, and shut the door quickly. She’d correctly guessed that the Minis– that Hernández would be in his office during a football match. He was sitting at his desk; papers sprawled out in front of him. Even from the distance Sukie was standing, they had a distinctly drainagey feel to them.

He looked up. “Hi? Uh… Sorry, Katie must’ve let you in… I don’t think I’ve got any meetings scheduled until the early evening, and that’s just Mzz Conti again…”

“No. I’m unscheduled. Very much so actually, by the looks of it.” She took a seat. “My name’s Sukie Rohaert. I don’t suppose that means anything to you, does it?”

“Sorry, no… Um, Did Katie just let you in, or..?”

“Right, here’s the thing. Where I come from, you’re the Minister for Rational Thought; that’s the guy responsible for making sure that the normal bulk of the Candelariasian populus doesn’t get wind that not only are we harbouring several hundred non-human beings including elves, dwarves, aliens and various variations on a theme of ‘faeri’, but that there’s a whole world out there – a great many worlds in fact – absolutely bubbling with that sort of thing. For the last few months, or… weeks, that’s a complicated point, best not to go there just yet, I’ve been… Hired help, I suppose. All this is pretty new to me. What’s particularly new to me is waking up on a bog-standard Friday to find myself in some sort of alternate universe where these weird things appear to walk among us where nobody seems to care, where we’re at war with half of the Atlantian Oceananiania, and where we appear to be hosting a World Cup in a sport we’ve been playing internationally for several decades at least when I know for a fact it’s only about six years, and even that’s a slightly dodgy area, again, best not to mention that… Anyway, I look in the phonebook and, funnily enough, I don’t appear to be listed. You do; although you’re really not where you’re supposed to be. But I figured, in my girlish panic, you’d still be the fella to go to with this kind of problem, although from your expression I’m starting to doubt that really quite strongly…”

Hernández looked at her with interest. “Right…” he ventured after a bit. “You make some interesting points. Um… Sorry, can I just clarify, did Katie say you could come in, or –”

“Would you SHUT UP and concentrate! Damnit Lyndon!” Sukie stood up and slammed her fists against the desk. It hurt, but Hernández was the only one to flinch.

“That’s, uh, that’s quite expensive Shining Gum wood, there…”

“Look, this isn’t NORMAL! I mean, I know we’ve got elves wandering about, but they can have fancy hairdos, and the dwarfs are easy enough to pass off as just small humans, but just about everybody else we have to keep in the sewers or whatever. We don’t have Satyrs wandering about willy-nilly.”

“No. We don’t.”

“We don’t?” asked Sukie, caught momentarily off balance. “I think you’ll find w… you do. I saw one out of m’window yesterday.”

“Was it trotting or gambolling?”

“Trotting. Most particular.”

“Horse’s legs, hindquarters, tail and ears?”

“Yes! Look –”

“That’ll be an ipotane, then. Satyrs’re part goat, and we don’t have any of them. We let in most sorts here, but levels of rape’d just skyrocket the second we started letting satyrs come over. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.”

“There was a tank after it…”

“Hm? Oh, nah. Tanks roll through the streets to make sure everyone’s observing the curfew. The ipotane’s there to make sure some of the shapeshifting or more ethereal non-humans are taking note too.”

“Look…” Sukie muttered exasperatedly. “None of this matters…”

“You’re telling me. I’ve got Mzz Conti’s drains to worry about, I’m really not sure I can deal with this right now.” He shuffled about amongst his papers. “Look, I could give you the number of a Doctor Levitt, she’s supposed to be very good at your sort of difficulty…”

“No! Look, Lyndon… I know you, okay? I know you don’t know me, but…”

“I do know I’m not the Minister for… whatever it was you said, though. Sorry. Perhaps you have me confused for someone else? There’s a Lyndon Hernandez who’s an American gastroenterologist of some repute, I believe. Perhaps –”

“I don’t need a gastroenterologist,” Sukie muttered tersely. “And I don’t need a psychiatrist either, so don’t say it. Look… I may not know… you… that well, and I don’t agree with everything you’ve told me you’ve done, an–”

“I haven’t told you anything!”

“The other you, then. My you. The proper you,” she added, and wondered why. “I don’t like everything you’ve done, and I don’t like all your reasoning, and I don’t agree with everything you believe in… Frankly, I don’t know quite what you believe in. I’m not sure you do either. But… You’d be interested in this, I know you would. I don’t care if you’re a cabinet-level minister, or… or…”

“Chair of the El din City Council Drainage Committee.”

“Or… yes. Look, you can be a right smarmy get sometimes, but I’d never have you down for a petty bureaucrat more interested in bloody drains than…”

“Than mad women who reckon they’re from a parallel reality?”

“I never used the term parallel, to be fair… Look, is it so unreasonable to consider that I might be telling the truth? You’ve got ipotanes and harpies and bleedin’ ethereal dudes here… Could you at least countenance the notion that I’ve woken up where I shouldn’t be.”

“Oh, I’ve often done that…”

“No you haven’t, you live with your sister. You’re as dull as I am beneath that self-important veneer. Look… Your father was a major name in the National Eugenics Council, did some appalling stuff and then got himself exiled for the trouble.” She looked him square in the eye. “I know you, Hernández. I –”

“How did you know that?” Hernández asked coolly.

“Because you told me! The other week. Said it was important there were as a few secrets between us as possible… For some reason…”

“Miss… Sorry, Miss Roheart, was it?”

“Rohaert. A before E.”

“Miss Rohaert, all that is common knowledge. Do you think I would’ve been able to keep all that quiet after I became a councillor? I’ve lived with what my father did for years. I’d probably be Shadow Social Affairs Secretary or something if it wasn’t for my ancestral past…”

She gaped at him. Hernández shifted his eyes to her right hand. “What’s that?” he asked quietly.

Sukie hadn’t noticed that she was still holding her MoRT pass, fiddling with it like a replacement cigarette. She showed it to him.

“Ministry for Rational Thought,” Hernández read. “Gosh, that’s… self-indulgently sinister, isn’t it?”

“That’s what I said…” Sukie muttered quietly.

“You could’ve knocked this up in photoshop in twenty minutes…”

“But I didn’t! God, it’s got shiny bits’n everything…”

“It does look fairly authentic,” Hernández conceded. “But, I mean… We don’t have a Ministry for Rational Thought, surely.”

“We do, Lyndon. That’s my point. Besides, you may have done once. My you told me it’d been about in one form or another since the thirties.”

“Since the Svartálfar first arrived, you mean? I suppose it’s plausible. The government did a pretty decent job of keeping things quiet until ’68 when it all went off…”

“Precisely! Except in my… World, for want of a better word, they’ve managed to keep it more or less quiet ever since. No elves, no androids, no aliens… and definitely no svarts. Look, I don’t need your help, but it would be extremely useful to have a politician about to help me in there, laminated pass or no laminated pass.”

“In where, precisely?”

“The Ministry. I know you say you don’t have one, but the place is huge, Lyndon. There’s enough office space to house several small countries. If there’s anything weird… extra-specially weird, going on – and I’m testament to the fact that there is – it’s going to be going on in there. Whether it’s the Ministry of Rational Thought or not.”

“If you’re wrong about all this…”

“Just say you were doing your civic duty in humouring a mad woman. I’m going. Follow me or don’t.”

Hernández took his coat off a hook and hurriedly followed her out of the office, gave Katie a despairing look, and walked out into the street.

“It’s so quiet…” Sukie whispered. She hated it. Sukie’s world consisted of the thumping noise or endless chattering of central Albrecht, and the deadened stillness of the mortuary or her flat. This in betweeness was utterly unnerving.

“There’s certainly nothing sinister about that,” Hernández told her calmly, slipping in to his new role as helper for the mentally disturbed. “Everyone’s in the pub watching the game, I shouldn’t wonder. Those that aren’t… overseas.”

Sukie noticed Hernández biting his lip at that, and left the euphemism hanging.

Prux

09-02-2008, 20:02

RJ: "Our home studios have been overwhelmed by E-mails in Support of Hirotaka Shibukji, a Fujisawan Territories player that was red-carded for use of brass-knuckles during a match with our Prawns, earlier in these qualifers. While I don't condone the use of illegal weapons, I think, and most of Prux agrees, that the actions taken by the Fujisawan Territories Soccer Federation have been too harsh. The referee in who carded Mr. Shibukji, was not appearently aware of the stipulations of the match between the two teams. The stipulation was a HardCore match, in which weapons were legal. The referee was not fully informed of the stipulations and that is why Mr. Shibukji was carded. I have been authorized by Mr. Nicnann to formally invite Hirotaka Shibukji to Prux for an interview. It maybe to late for him to play for our national team, but his story and personality maybe a perfect fit for the PWF."

Acapais

09-02-2008, 20:14

World Cup Qualifying – MD8

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : The Supermarket http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_supermarket.png
5:0 (3:0)

Match Report:
Acapais – The ninth match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against The Supermarket and ended in a 5-0 win for the home side on Friday night. The win set a record for best win, in terms of goal difference, in team history.

From the moment of the first kick-off to the whistle at full-time, Acapais came gunning. It was a ruthless battery. Castro started the scoring run with an impressive bicycle kick from an Osman cross. Al Vick netted his own, twelve minutes later, off a header from winger Henry Paroe. Another cross from Paroe meant a blast from the Acapais captain James Fronberry. The captain hit his second off a bending free kick in the 66th minute. “Super-Sub” Dave Lugini, hit third of the campaign from a through ball from Fronberry.

The win leaves Acapais in fifth place in group five and seven points from a qualification spot.

Scoring:
Acapais – Jose Castro (Al Vick Osman) 12
Acapais – Al Vick Osman (Henry Paroe) 24
Acapais – James Fronberry (Henry Paroe) 32
Acapais – James Fronberry (unassisted) 66
Acapais – Dave Lugini (James Fronberry) 82

Booking:
The Supermarket – Pete Pineapple (Caution; Reckless foul) 33
The Supermarket – Alex Beer (Caution; Reckless foul) 41
The Supermarket – Fred Trout (Caution; Reckless foul) 54
Acapais – Derek Sample (Caution; Reckless foul) 72

Acapais Starting Lineup:
Paul Junxton (GK); Bradly Sample, Nick Daniels (Rex Agitril 75), Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Jason Wellington, Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, James Fronberry (C), Al Vick Osman; Jose Castro (Dave Lugini 61)

Next Match:
@ Cafundéu

Acapais Starters: Paul Junxton (GK); Bradly Sample, Nick Daniels, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Pablo, Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, James Fronberry (C), Al Vick Osman; Jose Castro
Available Subs: Hunchman O'Hare, Rex Agitril, Jason Wellington, Benjamin Nelson, Dave Lugini

Injuries/Supensions:

Acapais Goal Scorers:
4 - Jose Castro
3 – Dave Lugini
3 – James Fronberry
2 – Al Vick Osman
1 – Pablo
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Henry Paroe

Acapais Assists Leaders:
4 – James Fronberry
3 – Henry Paroe
3 – Al Vick Osman
2 – Pablo
1 – Derek Sample
1 – Dave Lugini
1 - Jose Castro

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Nick Daniels
2 – Bradly Sample
2 – Derek Sample
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Pablo
1 – Jose Castro
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Pablo
1 – Benjamin Nelson

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

Sorthern Northland

09-02-2008, 21:07

"Hey you seen this?"

"Well I duuno what your talking about."

"The Bostopian Tourist Board are playing in some competition to find new sponsors for the Bazalonia team, and Emperor Boston scored the winning goal in their first match."

"Emperor Boston? Never knew he was a footballer as well."

"That's the thing, he isn't."

"Sheesh, honestly some nations these days, putting their Head of State's into the squad even if they aren't footballers."

"I know I just don't understand it."

"So this Operation 0.1%, you got over this thing they called being sober yet?"

"Yeah, I have. Thank Ben O'Bagels, it was bloody horrible."

"Ah you lucky bastard, I've still got it."

"Oh slani, here I've got a few spare bottles of vodka in my bag, have them."

"Ah cheers mate, ah yeah, that feels so much better. Those bloody Bostopians."

"Oh I know, I mean sure this is a war and everything, but reducing the alcohol content of every drink in the country is simply not playing fair."

"Defiantly, that and the qualifying break have really changed things I feel."

"How do you mean?"

"Well in the first half of qualifying there was loads of exciting stuff going on. The war, The University of the Bleeding Obvious, threatening The Pazhujebs and those religious nutters by accident."

"Oh yeah I see what you mean. Actually speaking of the World Cup, the qualifiers have started again haven't they? You know the scores."

"Yeah we lost two one to Ad'ihan, Ben O'Bagels got our goal."

"Ah ok then. What a guy his is though."

"Tell me about it. Who'd of thought that he'd be so good? Especially when he was President."

Dancougar

09-02-2008, 21:29

The student union was mostly empty now. Janitors swept the floors clean. There were only three people left in the assembly hall with the postgame show playing. "Ugh," Peter sighed. "Three. They got three at home after all that."

"Maybe that guy from Bleeding Obvious was right," Russ said. "Maybe we're toying with a power that is far too great to handle."

"The internets were quite clear!" Peter replied, digging up the printouts from something called NSwiki. "Whoever pays her well, right? We've tried real chickens, rubber chickens, real chickens covered in rubber, and even rubber covered in chickens!"

"Ve deet?" asked von Steuben, who skimmed through the logbook.

"Think about it, though," began Russ. "If there is a Margaret..."

"BITE YOUR TONGUE, SIR!"

"Sorry. Somewhere out there, Margaret is watching all of this, and do you think she appreciates you just trying stuff half-assedly trying to find out what she likes?" asked Russ. "To her, it probably seems like you don't mean it."

"You heff ze goot point, Russ," said von Steuben. "Indit, ve heff been guessink a lot."

"Then we'll just have to do something bigger and better than any sacrifice ever attempted," said Peter. "We've only got one shot to get this right."

"Is there enough time though?" asked Russ. "Before Taeshan? That's away, and the way we've been playing..."

"I know..." sighed Peter. "But if we pull this off, it might last us the rest of the way."

"Eet ees all or nussing!" exclaimed von Steuben. "Vat ees ze plen?"

In the back of the hall, there was actually a fourth person. But he was watching the guys, not the projector screen. Obviously, he was in the shadows, because no one can truly claim to be a mysterious onlooker if they're in plain sight. "Aye... they don't know what they'r~re doon!"

Wentland

09-02-2008, 23:11

"The whistle goes...and a chorus of boos fills King's Reach Tower...half-time and Hacker leaves grim-faced...a dreadful defensive performance from Wentland and it's still goalless against the whipping boys of Algal States...the crowd is BAYING for substitutes..."

Hacker was indeed grim-faced. "You're letting me down! You're letting your SEX down!! They want those bloody birds playing...for God's sake you've got to score ONE...these people are RABBITS..."

Keith Bassett for one was nonplussed. "They should try to be in our shoes...it's crazy, those feminazis trying to get us dropped...we're doing our job and we don't know what's happening..."

Hacker was forced (not unwillingly) to agree. "I can't help that, Killer...just go out there and score..."

****

Hacker had his head in his hands. Eighty minutes and nothing. The crowd's anger and derision was tangible. The Algals hadn't a single point, was this going to be their first?

Then a cross came in. Lennie Newton rose high to meet it. He headed...Keith Basset and both men were laid out cold.

"Oh, God...OK, get on there...for Keith's sake, get SOMETHING..."

A joyous Sema Trevisan and Katie Barnfield bounced onto the field to the biggest cheer of the afternoon. The cheers had hardly died down when a Trevisan snapshot brought a great save and a corner. Weston whipped it in low, Trevisan ducked to flick on from the near post and Barnfield at the far post glanced it home.

The Algal States heads dropped. They were minutes away from their first point. They tried to get back into the game, but if there's anything a Norman Hacker side can do it's defend.

****

Norman Hacker was exultant in the press conference. "See, a genius substitution...you don't need the WHINGErs to tell me to do my job...I can pick the women's team as appropriate..."

"So you're going to start with them next time?"

"Of course I'm not going to tell you in advance..."

Casari

10-02-2008, 00:02

National Team @ Astra Royal Soccer Club

"Crys for a foul go up from the home fans as Ryans rolls around on the dirt, holding onto his ankle, but the referee wants none of it as Hill pushes forward with the ball, hesitating and scanning the team's positions as they come up towards the box, hits to Epidan on the far side of the box, but the ball is rejected by Astra's Goriana, and it's going back to Rollins, who's spearheading the Tiger's press once again. He boots it up to Bruski, quickly passed over to Danialson, lobs it across the box, off the head of Epidan and in! That's a National Team Goal, Sixty-third minute, and the national team leads once again, 2-1. They're certainly not afraid to show off their acrobatic skills out there tonight, that's for sure."

National Team @ Tyir Football Club

"The National Team continuing to lag behind here in the mountains, 3-2, Tyir smelling the three-point reward for sending the National Team home without a victory. Tyir's fans making just a few obscene gestures at the NT fans sitting across from them, who are sure to return in kind, more of the "Casari V Rejects" banners apparent here than there were in Astra a week ago. Reoni about to take a free kick here, sitting back and scanning the field slowly, he better hurry or else he'll get called for a delay. He runs up, kicks... curves through the air outwards towards the edge of the box, seemingly not what they wanted, but falls at the feet of Bruski, who kicks it off the legs of one of the Tyir defensemen, skids off to the side, Reoni sprinting into the box towards it, nobody has it yet, he's going to get the ball, one-timer shot... and into the corner! A highly improbably play, more than likely due to the inability of the Tyir Defense to clear the ball, a problem they've been showing thought the early season and one that they have yet to fix. Seven Minutes from time, it's tied 3-3 here, Tyir to kick off."

National Team @ Casaran Army Athletic Club

"It's been a long, brutal game against Army, the National Team clinging to their lone goal of the game as the Army tries to muscle past the defense and put the ball in the net to tie. Another cross into the box, headed out by Perrins, and Tapperossi pushes it up towards midfield. The pass up to Scorrin intercepted, and Army attacks again. Antari running for the ball as Army continues to push, and oh! A badly judged slide tackle there, and now Army's going to have a free kick from just outside the box. The national team forming up the wall, Barisa squatting in goal, watching as Army prepares to take the kick. Here's the runup, the kick, curving towards the top left corner and blocked! I don't know how, Barisa somehow got a hand on it and pushed it away, and the National Team continues it's spirited defense of the goal with little more than ten minutes to go."

---

Well, if nothing else, they were definitely in match form. The real question was are they too warn out and beaten up from playing hacks out looking to show up the National Team to return to international competition? Well, less than a stellar performance against The Supermarket would more than likely prompt a variety of riots- then again, the fact that riots would happen at all instead of varying levels of apathy was a good sign for the CSA- but property damage might not be the best thing to continue forcing soccer down the throats of fans.

Squornshelous

10-02-2008, 01:29

It's Good to be in Red and Black
(or Rouge et Noir)

Just after the halfway point of qualifying, Squornshelous fended off an upset-minded Rejistanian team 4-3 to keep their perfect record. Arridia, another fashion-forward side, have also remained flawless along with Zwangzug, who haven't quite got their colors together yet, close, but not quite. Along with Demot, who have gone 6-2-0 with a superb +29 goal differential, these three sides are recognized as the best in qualifying so far.

This has been the result of a team effort by Squornshelous, with many different players stepping forward to provide goals. Vlastislav Prpic and Jzeovak Tkermec especially have performed well, recording five goals each. Caj Ilmari has put up good numbers as usual, but the real surprise has been at striker, where Tomas Kurka has been out as a result of an ankle injury. Markku Sykko has scored four goals and Peter Volodov and Djabgor Cvecej two each. Erkki Aatunen has added three of his own to round out the scoring.

This past match, a Rejistanian team that was shamed on the first day of qualifying put the pressure on the Pschychoes, who squeaked out a one goal win on the strength of goals from all three attacking midfielders. Rejistania kept pace with the Pschychoes until three minutes before stoppage time, when Erkki Aatunen put in his third goal of qualifying to clinch the win.

Final Score:
Rejistania 3-4 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ilmari: 6
Prpic: 5
Tkermec: 5
Sykko: 4
Aatunen: 3
Cvecej: 2
Haakana: 2
Volodov: 2

New Manhattan

10-02-2008, 03:51

Matchday 9 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13436970&postcount=11) are now up.

Hopeless SC

10-02-2008, 04:08

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Not bad. Your team played well on the road against the top ranked team in the group.

Grades for Bettia match:
Effort: C
Control: D
Offense: D
Defense: B-
Overall: C+

Lesson Your Team Learned: Hard work is rewarded with good results.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: High

Sel Appa

10-02-2008, 04:30

Turtles Defeat Bostopia
Sel Appa defeated friend nation Bostopia away at a friendly 4-2. The match provided a much-needed morale boost to the team that was in a slump, losing to Bazalonia and Ad'ihan. The two losses dropped the team below the qualification threshold and put in danger their hopes for qualification. The team hoped for a morale-boosting friendly, which also offered practice and time to relax. A win in Bostopia, although meaningless, would give the team confidence for the next games.

Sel Appa did win in a high-scoring match by two goals. The qualification matches have either been high-scoring shutouts or low-scoring narrow losses and draws. This friendly turned things around for the team and many said they were ready to go into the second round of qualification. Team captain Colin Patette said "We put on a good show today and it helped restore our morale. The last few games have been quite disappointing for such a high-ranked side like we are."

The team hosts Dinos Pizza next. They drew against them last time, but hope to make better this time with a win. A draw would still give them a point to try and keep up. A loss would be devastating to the team and might cause them to seriously lose hope for qualification after six straight qualifications. The Turtles need to start racking up wins and hope Bazalonia, Ad'ihan, and Sorthern Northland get a few losses.

Hopeless SC

10-02-2008, 04:34

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: This is disappointing after the Bettia match. Your team didn't show up to play against a very good team and deserved to get smashed the way they did.

Grades for The Holy Empire match:
Effort: F-
Control: F
Offense: F
Defense: F
Overall: F

Lesson Your Team Learned: You can't let down after a big result against a good team.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderate

OOC: Of note for The Holy Empire, Arthur Park was in goal instead of Radar "Magnet Hands" Green because Magnet Hands came down with a 24-hour bug.

Vephrall

10-02-2008, 04:41

Bettia can't stop us now!
by Sanani Sads

As the Squornshelan papers say, "It's good to be in red and black."

The Vephrall national team can confirm that this is true.

The team played yesterday's game in their red and black away uniforms just to spite the visiting Bettians. The team was forced to play in its blue and white third strip in the away fixture on matchday two due to Bettian regulations banning the team from wearing red there. But quite unlike waving the proverbial red cape in front of a bull (an arora?), the home team instead managed to stifle the Bettian attack. Ocilla Shuke was once again superb, turning away numerous Bettian shots in the first half and converting one of them into a counterattack. His goal throw went 45 yards upfield to Jehoepe Pasarap on the right side, and the Cafundéu-based winger (did I spell that right this time?) turned out to be just too talented for 16-year-old Hassan bin Jaffar to handle. Goal to Vephrall, 1-0.

Shuke wouldn't be able to keep his run of five consecutive clean sheets (ignoring the Squornshelous friendly) going, however. A late goal by A.Turks' Samuel Taha ruined that, but didn't really change much else. Wilopteere Hetag had given Vephrall a second goal earlier, and the home team would not lose the lead.

With the win, an astonishing eighth straight, Vephrall extend their lead to four points while sending Bettia down to third place. The Holy Empire is currently second, and if Vephrall can get another upset next month in the Dreamed Realm (entirely possible; remember Vephrall spanked them 4-1 last time), this qualification race will pretty much be over.

So yes, it's good to be in red and black.

final score
VEPHRALL 2 (Pasarap 37', Hetag 61')
Bettia 1 (Taha 82')

Sel Appa

10-02-2008, 05:26

Second Draw with Dinos Pizza
Sel Appa hosted Dinos Pizza for their second qualification match together, but still weren't able to beat the little-known side. They managed to keep from losing, but could not best their opponents, settling for a 1-1 draw. In a somewhat disappointing match, the Turtles were not able to build on the momentum from the friendly win over Bostopia that rebuilt their confidence and boosted much-needed morale.

The match was low-scoring, compared to the 2-2 draw the first time around. The team had hoped for a win, but did not receive and had to keep defensive to ensure they did not lose. A loss would severely set back hopes to qualify for a team that now is below the qualification threshold in fourth place. They need to win the remaining matches and hope the three teams ahead of them lose: Bazalonia, Sorthern Northland, and Ad'ihan. Any more losses would effectively weaken the team beyond the point of qualification, even if they did have plenty of wins. They need to rack up points in lots of 3 if they have any hope to qualify.

The team is hoping for upcoming wins, especially against their next match hosting Minilla Island. A win would rekindle hopes and boost morale. Coach Charles DuPont said "We look forward to a win and many more after that. We've made a few bad moves, but we'll come out on top in the end." Sel Appa will probably qualify, but may not make it back to the top. They just need to be in the top 3 to qualify. However, they would prefer if they came out in first or second place.

Dancougar

10-02-2008, 05:27

JAKE: Well, there you have it, the Black Wings coming up with a 1-1 draw away to Taeshan, Boris Boskov with the seventy fifth minute equilizer. Guys, quick thoughts before we sign off for the night.
DEE: This team really confuses me, because I never know which one is going to show up. I'm sure opponents find it to be annoying as well, they never seem to be able to carry over their confidence from one game to the next. They needed this point to keep pace with Taeshan and keep the group leaders in reach, but it's still all but impossible at this point. Six games left.
DIRK: Yeah, the forwards, Ikeda and Cale, have really been struggling the last few games. And it was fitting, I thought, that the midfielder Boskov was the one who got the goal. He was a workhorse on that left side of the field, challenging the ball, trying to create. Taeshan never really came up with an answer for that, and just like in the Bettia game, Wings get the late goal.
DEE: Now they really need to win at home against Hopeless SC, though. They just got thrashed tonight by the Empire five-nil, that ended a four game points streak, so they'll be looking to bounce back from that. They'll want revenge for the home match they had with us, that nil-nil draw, so definitely keep your eyes on that. I think they'll bring a little more fury, a little more passion.
JAKE: The question we need to ask guys, is it time for a real shake-up on offense? Either something needs to get done to get those forwards more in the game, or maybe it's time to give Wiseman a shot.
DEE: Well, one of the big problems is that the midfield hasn't been feeding them the ball. They did a bit more of that tonight, and from the last few games, they were really out of their rhythm and needed more time than they got to get back into the flow. Ikeda had a few shots, none of them particularly threatening. Cale at that screamer in the first half that went a few feet wide, so I think they just need to get a few more touches.
DIRK: You might think that, Dee, but look at what they've done over the course of the entire competition so far. Only eight goals from nine matches, you can't say that they're on the verge of succeeding when they've already demonstrated, quite painfully, that something is very wrong. To get a goal on the road against Taeshan was a good thing, we didn't think they'd pull it off, but that was Boskov. That was Boskov and Leyton working magic out of the midfield. Ikeda and Cale are still non-factors, and if that continues, this team will not threaten the group leaders.
DEE: I'm not so sure that's the goal anymore. At this point, you're trying to just make life difficult for them, but no one's expecting that they'll make up eight points in just six games. Just find the rhythm that's been missing, and maybe you scrape into the Cup of Harmony. At the very least, you teach the coaching staff something important they can carry over into the next tournament.
JAKE: How about the defense, they're playing very shaky ball as well.
DIRK: We were expecting them to cave after yielding three at home, but the guys showed good poise back there. Taeshan, as you know, plays very defensive football, so they were able to deal with the attacks, same as they were in the first game. But it seems to me like they tire themselves out playing so well in one game, that in the next, they're completely beat and get stomped on. I'm not sure if they've figured out the right pace to play at yet, knowing that what you do in one game will affect what follows.
DEE: Yeah, that's a good point there, but let's not leave Hawkins out of the discussion. People were calling for his head after the last game, but he made some big saves tonight to keep them in it. A lot of balls sneak through the back line there, and he had the time and the reflexes to get it done. He's not as bad as people make him out to be, he has off days just like everyone else. The problem is that those tend to happen when they need him the most.
JAKE: Good stuff from you guys, but that's all the time we have for this College Gameday Postgame Report, built by Construction Hut. Sportscenter is next. For all of us, I'm Jake Matthews saying good night.

Qazox

10-02-2008, 05:34

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 9: @ Minilla Island West.
Minilla Island West 1
QAZOX 0

Every qualification Qazox has participated in, there has always been that one game. You know, that one game in which the Pheonix (or Black Oxen back in the day) just plain don't show up or get beaten by a poor team, or get slaughtered by a favorite? Guess what? That game happened today as Qazox struggled against Minilla Island West. The lone goal was scored in the 89th minute, as Back-up keeper Erin Goolden, was fooled by a double move by a MIW player. The good news is that Sherlene Scheppe is finally over her Flu, and should be back in net for the next match against Samcoa, back in Qazox at Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg.

SUMMARY:
Minilla Island West- Goal 89'

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 3
Tarricone- 3
Valladores- 3
Huhman- 2
Farmwald- 1
Cruz-Preli- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-2 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

And for those of you who are either historians of the game or just like to endure Qazox' torture here's a list of THOSE GAMES over the years.

BoF: MD5- Lost to Tynelia (Loss prevented Qazox from winning Group)
WC27: A pair of 0-1 losses to Hiiraan, who ceased to exist during the qualifiers.
WC28: Lost to The Islands of Qutar 1-4 on MD13. (Eliminated Qazox from World Cup contention.)
WC29: Lost to Bostopia on MD14 1-3 (AKA in Qazox as the Fromburg Screw-job...Cost Qazox World Cup Berth)
WC30: Lost to Raging Penguins 0-1 on MD2, lead to worst finish in qualifying for Qazox.
WC31: Lost twice to unranked Spindomia, only 2 losses during qualifying for the team.
WC32: MD13 a 2-2 draw with The Mushroom Kingship, put the team too far back to qualify.
WC33: World Cup Group Match 3- Lost to Geisenfried 2-5, when a draw would have sent the team into the Round of 16.
WC34: MD11 Lost to Zwangzug at home, 1-2, basically eliminating the team.
WC35: MD10 Lost to Delsea 0-1, forcing team to have to play in a playoff to qualify for the World Cup.
WC36: MD 12 1-1 Draw with Collonie, allowed Az-cz to clinch group.
WC37: World Cup Group match 3- Drew with Oickoidia 0-0, A win would have sent team into Round of 16.
WC38: MD11 A 1-2 loss at Endmile, which allowed Az-cz to win the group.
WC39 (SO FAR):MD9 0-1 loss to Minilla Island West, which dropped team into 3rd place.

Jeruselem

10-02-2008, 05:45

Scarlet Ferris was a little out of ideas. The Monks were 2-0 up and there wasn't much time left in the game. The young strikers weren't having much effect and with Kara Kool missing, it was proving hard to score against the Monks. 5 minutes left and it looked like the Monks were going win well here at home.

She grabbed Flak Sho and told him go forward, fast. The Jeruselem defense cleared another Monks attack and Scarlet Ferris scurried past some Monks, and saw Flak running up the field. She pumped in a long Dazza Dallas aerial pass towards Flak. Getting a bit of attention from some Monk defender, he headed the ball but it was straight up and landed somewhere where Coss Cohen was loitering. Monks rushed to fix the breach and Coss decide to fire a goal shot. He scored, Monks lead 2-1.

The last few minutes was furious with Jeruselem hitting crossbar twice. As the whistle blew, the Jeruselem team were disappointed. A grumpy Scarlet Ferris looked the scoreboard saying Blouman Empire 3 - 2 Demot. Well, Jeruselem didn't have such a bad game after all with Demot conceding three goals.

On THE FOOTBALL LIFE, Hifkie Dallas decided to make some weird religious jokes as the normally cheerful Jacinta Dallas was in no mood for being funny today. It helped curb the sharp tongue of Jacinta who held back making some nasty comments about the refereeing during the show. The Dazza Dallas side of Dallas family hated losing.

<Later in Jeruselem>

Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas was a foul mood after her team's close loss to the Monks. She had a meeting later with some Apple Corporation salespeople to renew their contract for laptops in the Palace. Along for the ride was their competion from ASUS Jeruselem who had a fancy new laptop to show off.

The ASUS people pleased the moody Queen with the new gadget. They even installed Virtual Strumpet - Queen Skate Edition to get Skate onside. She was pleased with sexy pink looks and slick styling as well as speedy performance running her favourite OS Latin OS x64 Mobile Edition. The Apple salepeople weren't worried. They showed off their new MacBook which was going quite well. The looks and features seem right.

Skate: This looks pretty good! I think this new MacBook is a winner.
Apple person: Yes, we make sure our products meet demand.
Skate: Can you wait here? I want to get something.
Apple person: Err, you're the boss here.

<Skate runs off>

ASUS person: I bet it's Virtual Sprumpet (smiling)
Apple person: We've got the contract now.
ASUS person: Don't be so sure
Apple person: We'll win

Skate: Here, load this! It's the new beta of Virtual Sprumpet: Princess Jacinta for the Mac.
Apple person: Sure, that'll run fine.
Skate: I want to see it run.
Apple person: I'll load it now.

<Apple person puts disc in Apple laptop>

Laptop spits out message "Adult material found, disc being erased"

Skate: What is bloody going on! Explain! That's the only disc I have of that.
Apple person: Oh crap ...
ASUS: Forgot to turn off the parent protection in your BIOS eh?
Skate: What's this with erasing discs!

Apple person: Oh, new feature ... I forgot about it.
Skate: OK, Apple you've lost the contract. I can't have my laptops erasing discs!
Apple person: Look we can remove it from your laptops
Skate: Too late, I'm using those now.

ASUS person: We won't let you down your Majesty
Queen: Can I borrow this laptop?
ASUS person: You can keep it, these are the go.
Queen: As for these Macs, you can have them all back! I cannot have my laptops erasing things without asking.
Apple person: Oh crap ...

Sel Appa

10-02-2008, 05:49

Sel Appa Sports Network Predictions and Analysis

"Well we're one match over the halfway point in what has been a mediocre Qualification campaign for the Turtles. The team was ranked third and had expected to do well, but opened with a draw against Dinos Pizza. The next three matches were distinctive shutouts over Minilla Island, Sorthern Northland, and Carcim that set the team forward for what seemed like a great start to the qualifiers. This all changed when the Bazalonian Bazalopes visited and shutout Sel Appa in a one-goal match. The Turtles pulled together to defeat Beer Served Here in yet another shutout, but then were sent reeling in dismay as Ad'ihan slapped them with a 3-4 loss at home. The two losses combined to knock Sel Appa out of the qualification threshold.

A mid-qualification friendly against our favorite foreign team, Bostopia, resulted in a nice win of 4-2. The team gravely needed the morale boost and the time to relax and practice. They hoped to continue with a win against Dinos Pizza, but this was not to be. Another draw between the two nations gave a worried prediction of what was to come. They hope for a win against Minilla Island to rack up three points, along with losses for those above them. They are beginning to get desperate for Bazalonia, Ad'ihan, and Sorthern Northland to lose, allowing them to catch up. The teams have 21, 18, and 18 respectively, while Sel Appa has 14. The Turtles can't really afford to lose any more matches and draws don't help much either. Now let's look at the overall group:

Bazalonia can be projected to qualify, being seven points ahead of Sel Appa. That leaves Ad'ihan, Sorthern Northland, and Sel Appa in a three-way race for the remaining two qualification spots. The former two hope Sel Appa continues with another loss or two, but our Turtles hope for them to lose. It's a tough fight for the home team here, but they should come out successful in the end. Beer Served Here faces a narrow prospect of qualifying, with only 10 points to the group leader's 21. They do still have a chance, but will need luck and some upsets. Minilla Island and Dinos Pizza have very little chance of qualifying at all and can be safely projected to not qualify. Finally, we round off with Carcim who we can safely project will not qualify no matter what.

Good luck to the Turtles next when they host Minilla Island and after that they visit Sorthern Northland and hope to win there. A win would put the team back on track for success and qualification."

Prux

10-02-2008, 05:53

"LIVE from Kura-Pelland, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Kura-Pelland for Match 9 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Kura-Pelland, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "Kura-Pelland whooped our asses last time by the score of 5-1, hopefully we can make it a bit closer this time around. "

RJ: "Kura-Pelland is a great team at home, but this persistant rain may even things out a bit."

<plays the Kura-Pelland national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, is somewhat subdued due to the downpour, and here come the Prawns!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts Chanting "WE EAT PRAWNS!>

Coach: "That's not a nice thing to say. We're proud of our heritage, unlike these buffoons! "

RJ: "Kura-Pelland opens by taking the ball..."

<cut to 45th minute>

RJ: "This match as been a drool-kicker through the first half, as both sides have sloshed it out in the deepening mire!"

Coach: "If anybody scores, it'll be pure luck as the rain is really coming down in buckets now. I can hardly see the field!"

RJ: "I'm just glad there hasn't been any lightning yet, or else they'll have to call the match!"

<cut to 54th minute>

RJ: "Jose Cazarez with the long pass to Fedde Beattis, and Beattis scores! It's now 1-0 Kura-Pelland and the few fans left in attendance are going wild!"

Coach: "Tough break there for Andy Norton, with the ball so wet and slippery. If it were dry, I'd bet 100% of the time he would have caught such a weakened shot."

RJ: "The referee slowly makes his way through the muck and we're ready to go here, with the Prawns only down a goal....

<cut to 71st minute>

RJ: "Oh MY DOG! There's a bolt of lightning that struck near the Kura-Pelland bench. the referee is whistling the players off the field!"

Coach: "Even though there is about 20 minutes left, and Prux was finally moving the ball well in this quagmire, The referee has made the right decision. Don't risk the players lives."

RJ: "I'm getting confrimation from the WCC observer here....Ok...This match has been declared offical and it's over, with the score of 1-0 Kura-Pelland."

<END of match>

RJ: "A tough match all-around for both teams in the horrible weather. But 1-0, in any case against suck a team as Kura-Pelland is a moral victory. Up next for Prux is Violitism, 4-1 losers last time around. I'm betting that Coach doesn't try to single-handedly play again. For Coach Jonathonman, I'm Good Ol' RJ, see you next week in Pawtucket.

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-8 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-4
Hedge-3 (1- pk)
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Green wombat

10-02-2008, 06:01

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS blooded by Bostopia.

Bostopia came into Green wombat 7 points ahead of us and the Wombats in 5th place only 4 points out of a qualifying berth. They left Green wombat 10 points head, the Wombats in 6th place and now 6 points out with 5 matches left. The chances are slipping away now for the Wombats as they must probably win 4 of the last 5 matches to have any chance tomake the 39th world Cup. For the 2nd straight match, the teams' pedestrian offense was shut down and answers are in shortcoming. Up next is a trip to Ariddia, who leads the group with 25 of a possible 27 points. A loss here and the chances are almost nil for advancement.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Danica Howes- 1
Phillip Milligan-1

Casari

10-02-2008, 06:30

Hill stood in the parking lot slightly confused. "Well... are we supposed to start?" she said, staring across at the... team... from The Supermarket.

Danialson shrugged. "Well, I suppose we should, I mean, the referee's blown his whistle."

The match started (and was very well played, we're sure), but it was far more interesting when Ari Lewison showed up with a sixer.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Daniel Potts yelled as Ari sat back on the bench and cracked open a can.

"Inside the store."

"You know the store is the bloody country, right?" Potts said, tilting his head. "Didn't you read the primer?"

"No, the loo was out of TP." Ari said, taking a drink. "It's not bad, actually, it's like the match is catered." Looking up, Ari sighed. "Damnit, Hill, it's a pack of diapers, just kick the ball around it!"

"You're drinking a citizen of the country, you know."

"Wait, um, this?"

"Aye, you're screwed."

"What, it's just beer. It's not even like... talking beer."

"How do you know, it might just not want to talk to you."

"It's just beer, Danny!"

"Oh, you're going to be locked in the janitor's closet for the rest of your life."

"Oh please. I'll bring them another sixer if it bugs them that badly."

"What does it taste like?"

"Beer."

"Maybe like... blood?"

"Oh, shove it, Danny!" Ari said, getting up and running into the game as Mark Antari came hobbling off.

"Where the hell is he going?" Daniel yelled.

"Mark tripped over that bastard of a shopping cart, he's getting subbed out." Andrea Winter said, holding a bag of ice and a roll of tape.

"... wait, that's our ice, right?"

Andrea shook her head. "You're a prick, Danny."

"Oh, I know."

Nire and Nire

10-02-2008, 11:56

Sohot and the Shadows

Nine matches into the world cup 39 qualification and Nire and Nire is only 4 points adrift of an historic appearance at football's showpiece, the grammy's of the sporting world! Yet behind the iron curtain a story of deep intrigue is developing for all is not well in the Disputed Territories and we sent report John Mackrewrs to the capital Sentu to unlock the secrets of this once great nation. Sadly, John did not return. What we can go on is rumours and innuendo. But the rumour mill is running strong that former manager Lexit Sohot is leading a group of rebels - known as the shadows - through world cup qualifying. Sohot and the shadows are skirting from nation to nation playing world cup qualifiers, bringing hope to a besieged nation. While away matches are no problem for the shadows, of most intrigue is where N&N's home matches are being played. Some suggest that Calanderia and Maraquez, a long time ally of N&N is secretly staging the home matches, there are even some who believe that Sohot has audaciously been playing the matches in the opposing capitals of Sentu and Efet, right under the very nose of El Presidente Nire. Whatever the case, very little is known about the activities of Sohot and the Shadows and we here at the Sentu Times implores any foreign country with information to come forth and tell us who these heros are and how they are succeeding. We here are hoping for a better world for N&N. Forced to publish in exile we await the day when we will be free to return to a unified Nire and restore her to her former glory.

Candelaria And Marquez

10-02-2008, 13:07

[OOC: N&N and Jariss, ignore this if you’d rather…]

Somewhere...

Although not the same sort of Somewhere as the last few Somewheres, I should probably point that out. It’s a different plot altogether. Well. More of an interlude, really. It depends.

Zeke Najdoski and Tony the Ferritt, who was a ferret, shared an awkward look. Zeke glanced back at the hole in the barn door. And listened.

That wasn’t right. No. Definitely not. Because, yeah, okay, they were playing football. Of course they were. Everyone had been very clear about that. It had been in the paper an’ everything. They were going to um, to um, to um. Uh, uh, southern. Northern. Bettia. Northern Bettia, the place with the big ants. Not veeeery big ants, no. Chap in the paper had been most particular about that. Big ants, but no bigger than what you’d expect big ants to be. Like, this big, but not like, this big, no. That’d be daft.

Mm, yes.

But. Yeah. No. They were playing in Northern Bettia, which was miles away.

So these weren’t they. Of course not. Why would Candelaria And Marquez play in Southerntown, West Candelaria, anyway? What a strange thought.

But. Southerntown Black Cubes played in the Sunday league, didn’t they. This wasn’t Sunday. Not sure. Not sure what. But. No, it wasn’t Sunday because Zeke had seen the Reverend Ashley in ol’ Williamson’s barn with young Sarah Kenworthy. And he never did that on a Sunday, no. That’d be daft.

Plus. Plus. Also. It was midnight. Probably. The Black Cubes wouldn’t be playing at midnight.

Taking great care, Zeke put Tony back in his box and inched towards the door. He pushed it ajar with a tiny creek.

“J…! Fe… …all to m… … hi… …ong!”

The wind was taking the words away from him. Zeke frowned and wobbled unsteadily across the dirt track and clambered up the hill to the field that constituted the village’s football pitch.

“G…fer! L… it! Surry’s going t’have t… …m off!”

Zeke picked his nose. The pitch was barely illuminated by torchlight, but he could make out more or less twenty players on the pitch, and a similar number of people placed at random intervals where the spectator and his dog usually stood. One was hobbling off, clutching his thigh.

The player hobbled. And continued hobbling. Zeke became dimly aware that a significant degree of this hobblement was in his general direction.

“Oi,” the player began. “You don’t look like one of those Jarissians…”

His comments attracted more turned heads. Zeke couldn’t make out the face, but it was sighing.

“Oh. Mr. Najdoski. Again. You’re a remarkable man, you really are.”

Zeke beamed. The man turned away from him briefly.

“Lex. Sorry, I better just nip out and… Yeah.”

He stepped out of the darkness and put an arm around Zeke. “You don’t want to be watching a football match at this time of night, Ezekiel. Do you?”

“Naaa.”

“Good man. Shall we… Take a walk?”

Candelaria And Marquez

10-02-2008, 14:09

The Gassett Candelariasian Online>Sport>Football>Newswires

Ref concerns overshadow incredible win Lloyd Donnelly has admitted that the mood in the C&M dressing room following the sensational four-two away victory in Anyuna is ‘not what it could have been’ in the aftermath of a bad-tempered clash with Northern Bettia in which several players were injured, Ben Head picked up a red card and the match referee collapsed.

Alan Rauch was a controversial appointment to what was always expected to be a full-bodied encounter; the Zwangzugian having only recently been appointed to the WCC’s elite list and refereeing in only his third World Cup Qualifying encounter. Rauch appeared stiff and robotic in both his movement and decisions, allowing little leeway to Matteo Corradini when he yellow carded him after just two minutes for a heavy but fair challenge on Dan Shinobu. He seemed unduly influenced by the howls of protest from home supporters and players alike, and granted the Gogs a tenth-minute penalty when Lorenzo De Wilde clattered Jeff Sienko – a correct decision, undoubtedly, had the challenge not occurred over a yard outside the area.

The Northern Bettian players had spotted the suggestibility of Rauch from almost the first minute, and at times seemed more interested in attempting to con him than play football. On the half hour O’Sullivan Caras got on the ball and was able to speed past Dawn Blakey without being chopped and crossed into the box. Ramiro Novo forced his way through Ryan Kemys and Jamie Noto to head home, but Rauch immediately whistled for an offside. His claim was denied by the linesman; the two officials then appearing to get into a protracted argument in which Rauch suggested that Novo was guilty of pushing. Despite being vociferously backed up by the home crowd and several Northern Bettian players, Rauch was eventually forced to concede the validity of his assistant’s argument and gave the goal.

The rest of the first half was an even affair, though on forty minutes Ignacio Vélez was caught knee-high by Barry Fukui on a run into the box. The Big Blues’ highest-ever scorer was stretchered off, but no penalty was given and the departing Vélez was yellow carded for diving. Happily his injury does not appear as severe as first feared, but at the very least he will miss the Az-cz game.

The game took its defining twist in the second half, when Anya Wilton crashed into Ben Head. As the big Green Island man scrambled back onto his feet he was faced with a red card, prompting howls on protest from the away bench. Big Blues assistant manager Adam Williamson jumped out of his technical area and stormed across to the fourth official, ploughing into his opposite number, Baron Vendredi, in the process. The Northern Bettian number two fell onto the ground, appearing to snap a mascot of some sort in two in the process.

At that moment, Rauch keeled over and lay twitching as the unnervingly unhygienic-looking home medical team stubbed out their fags and wandered onto the pitch to drag the stricken ref off the field of play.

His replacement was an altogether different matter, though his first act was to oversee the free kick Wilton had earned fired into the net by Stu Kaolla. From then on out however, the home side appeared utterly non-plussed as to how to proceed without a referee on their side. Harry Nino soon made a tackle on Caras, which put the Central United star out of the game put also saw the Raging Bulls defender receive his marching orders much to the open-mouthed surprise of the home players.

Back on equal terms in regards to men on the pitch, C&M soon levelled up the score from a free-kick of their own; Jos Cornelisse finding the back of the net with his first act of the game. Not long after, the turnaround was completed when José Felipe Cassumba Domingos ran unopposed through a sea of nervy Northern Bettians to score a gorgeous solo effort. Shortly before the ninety, C&M’s dominance was rewarded with a fourth goal nodded in by another substitute, Joe Cunningham.

The Big Blues left the pitch rapidly after the 100th minute final whistle, keen to avoid the anger of the Anyuna locals and to discover the status of their fallen comrades. Only later did they discover that Rauch remained in a serious condition in hospital suffering from a serious, but unspecified, condition.

“Naturally our minds and thoughts and with Alan and his family at this time,” Donnelly told TV1 after the game. “Clearly there were something wrong with him from the very start, and I’m surprised he was allowed to officiate, really. It’s certainly put a dampener on our result, fantastic though it was.”

_______________

“Someday My Plinth Will Come”

Or

“I really hope nobody ploughing through these things expects them to actually go anywhere. I was on pretty heavy pain medication at the time.”

And so it was that Lyndon Hernández, Chair of the El din City Council Drainage Committee and male human, and Sukie Rohaert, part-time pathologist, part-time government agent and currently full-time person who should not, by any rights, exist; found themselves walking in a businesslike fashion through the almost endless corridors that made up the Candelaria And Marquez Home Office, in search of a minor Ministry (viz. the Ministry of Rational Thought), that may or may not still exist and may (or may not) have ever done so.

Whatever name it used in this particular version of C&M (Sukie was a tad unsure as to the specifics of all this cross-dimensional… stuff), the Ministry clearly existed in some form or another. The same old corridors she had got to know and love over the last few wee… months, whatever, were here in the same old layout with the same old cream wallpaper. She ambled through them like she owned the place, flashing her laminated pass at every possible moment and dragging an increasingly baffled Hernández along behind her.

“I really can’t believe you’re getting away with this, I must say…”

“I’ve got a badge on a piece of string. That’s enough for most people. Plus, I expect they vaguely recognise you. Now sshhh…”

“Sshhh?”

“Up that way’s your office, and then to the right-and-along-a-bit we’ve got the room where Sam and Mark edit out mentions of gnomes and stuff from the PINA feeds…”

“Peena?”

“Ariddian international news broadcaster… You don’t have it here?”

“Ariddia doesn’t exist as a united entity these days. And most of the main island was levelled during the Jinn Wars, anyway.”

“What, like the Opium Wars for juniper berries? Blimey, the last forty years have really screwed around with your universe… Now sshhh again… No, it’ll be this little one on your left… That’s where w… they keep… kept, whatever, all the interesting stuff…”

Hernández sighed and reluctantly followed her down the thin corridor and into a thin, dark entrance room. He heard her gasp.

“What?”

“Svart. Ooh, and a corpse.”

Hernández met her gaze and looked down. Sukie was already crouched over the still, cold figure sprawled out on the floor with a panicked expression on his face.

“You’re sure he’s dead?”

“It’d be a poor tale if I couldn’t tell a dead bloke when I saw one.” She performed a few arcane tests that meant little to the councillor. “Pretty recently dead, mind… Did you happen to see which direction the svart buggered off to? Lyndon?”

Hernández’s hesitant voice came from around a corner. “You should probably see this yourself…”

Sukie conscientiously shut the dead man’s eyes and took a sharp left, and a sharp breath. If she’d been expected anything very much, which in truth she hadn’t, this wasn’t it.

It was a massive, circular room quite unlike any she’d seen in the Ministry before. In the centre, a large green sphere – or at least a lumpy, blotchy attempt at a green sphere – span gently atop a plasticy-looking plinth. Rather more concerning were the dozen or so – or more, Sukie noticed, as she began to clock the full scale of the place – men and women lying about the room. There’d been some attempt at uniformity, with neat little teletubby-style alcoves apparently installed for the purpose, but anarchy had long since taken hold. Now, the bulk of the people were prostrate on random locations across the room. And each and every one of them had a svart kneeling on top of them; in some cases rather more than one.

A few seemed to be sleeping quite peacefully, but none looked dead. That wasn’t particularly comforting. The rest were groaning and moaning, some clearly trying to scream but failing to escape the svarts’ control. Most were twitching; a few of the stronger ones managing the occasional flailed limb, and many were gnashing their teeth impotently. Nearly all were sobbing uncontrollably.

“This isn’t good,” Hernández whispered flatly.

“It’s hard to see how it could be seen as a positive development, aye. Seems your government aren’t as do-goodingly wonderful as they look.”

“They’re not my government,” Hernández hissed. “Look, are we just going to stand here gawping, or shall we help them?”

“How? We’ll just get leapt upon. We’re playing with fire just staying here and hoping they’re too busy with all their mental torturing to notice us.”

“I’m not that familiar with the Álfar, but… I thought they were supposed to be nice, as a rule.”

“They are,” Sukie whispered, but sounded less than convinced. She’d heard plenty about the Svartálfar from her Hernández, and he’d always been nothing but complimentary. Even affectionate. ‘Jolly little fellas’ he’d said, rather sadly since they’d gone awol. Sukie was well aware of just how important they were, how the Candelariasian government had done a deal with the elves to keep the svarts safe from the tridential threats of slighted gnomes, angry big hairy Ifewa and ignorant, scared humans. How President Clarke had accepted the deaths of thousands at Gordon Bay City, when the Ifewa finally came a’ knocking, just so that a few hundred svarts could remain undetected long enough for the elves to come to the country’s rescue.

She’d never actually seen one however, not in the flesh, since all seven hundred of ‘em had vanished from GBC’s sewer system months ago and only just begun to return, mostly from a jaunt to the Heartland. She… She had never seen one, hadn’t she? Amidst her horror at what the nasty little blighters were doing, there were vague and uncomfortable pangs of recollection.

She and Hernández cringed simultaneously in their dark corner as a nearby svart repeatedly banged its steed’s head against the floor, muttering to itself and the man. “Hawa! Hawa, yee faggit! Dream! Dream iv fyeutbaaal an’ dream iv the War. Dream iv yersel’! D’ya understand wor?”

“I can’t just stand here…” Hernández whispered tersely at her.

Sukie growled at nothing in particular. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do, I –”

At that moment the svart let the human’s head slump to the floor and turned sharply to look straight at Sukie and the councillor. It frowned with amethyst forehead ridges. “Whe the feck are yee?” it demanded.

“Um…”

The svart rolled off the unconscious man and jumped to its feet. “Miss Nyauton! Miss Nyauton! Thor are intrauders heor!” it screamed.

“It’s alright, Bobby,” another new voice behind them said soothingly. “I’ve been watching them.”

Said intrauders turned round reluctantly.

“Lyndon Hernández…” the woman mused. “I did think it was your voice, but…”

“Why do I know you?” Sukie muttered, as much to herself as the newcomer.

“Mckenna Newton, Minister for Homeland Security,” Mckenna Newton, the Minister for Homeland Security, informed her briskly. “And I wouldn’t try and blow yourself up, if I were you. In fact, if you could put your hands where I can see them… You’ve no idea how many guns are pointing at you two right now, so…” She was forced to raise her voice over a desperate scream from the other side of the room. The three all turned, they couldn’t help it, to see a man try and crawl away from his rider. A small svart gave them an embarrassed grin and jumped back onto him.

“Please…” he begged as the svart crawled back on top and pinned him down.

Hernández made to move but was grabbed by Newton. “Don’t try and act the hero, councillor. It’s not becoming. I always knew you weren’t a patriot, ever since the Eugenics Trials but…” She motioned towards two burly gentlemen that had seemingly popped out of thin air. Perhaps they had, Sukie thought bitterly. “Take him to the holding cells.” She turned towards Sukie as Hernández was muscled away. “Now… Whoever you may be. Just how long shall I let you live?

Kura-Pelland

10-02-2008, 14:57

The PWF went on tour to their biggest ever stadium, with a near-capacity 94,525 arriving to see their big show in Trilan, Kura-Pelland...

...oh. Most were there for a football game.

A good one, too, if you like defensive struggles. Both sides were tough tackling, mostly fair perhaps surprisingly, but in the end Kura-Pelland found the way through the almost inevitable source of a free-kick, the scorer being Fedde Beattis.

The result, combined with a 3-1 win against Violitism - whose one-man team were given a goal at the end of the game by Stephen Hill in the hope it might allow him to be freed - means Kura-Pelland look sure-fire qualifiers. There is now an eight-point gap between them and fourth-place Prux, and it is hard to see them slip up now.

Maybe, just maybe, they can beat Quakmybush at Shanvley soon as well. Revenge for WC38, much? Before then, they travel to face an improving Fujisawan Territories side who have just picked up an excellent 3-3 draw against Rugiero.

In other news, the KPFA are being pressured to either support or oppose the 'triple threat' bid, as Pruxian media really should have called it, by Starblaydia and Krytenia to host all three WCC-sanctioned tournaments in the next cycle. Ad'ihan/Liverpool England are believed to oppose the bid as a threat to their position of co-hosting the Baptism of Fire with a nation hosting their first WCC-sanctioned tournament. Some fear the cost of hosting the WC and CoH simultaneously will be crippling, especially with infrastructure concerns, raised further with the current news stories of numerous fatal accidents on motorways built for World Cup 38. Ten people have died in the last month alone in five accidents on the M60 orbital motorway around Trilan, and there have been four other fatal accidents on newly-built Kura-Pellandi motorways in that time killing nine. The issue is looking like a potential clincher for the Workers' Party in the impending election; the left-leaning party claim that private companies sacrificed safety for speed and profit in the construction of new roads. They are supported by the Greens, who wanted a new high-speed Maglev network built instead.

----------------------------

The International Challenge was won by ZWANGZUG. The friendly will be arranged for pre-WC40 qualification.

The hidden theme; each RP contained references to song lyrics from the musical Wicked. There were multiple references in most of them, but here's a selection from the campaign:

'some away fans were already leaving the ground to sample the other delights of Trilan, as there was so much to visit before their day was through... and goodness knows, their lives must have been lonely at that point.' - first part indirectly referring to One Short Day ('There's so much to visit / before the day's through'), second part to No One Mourns The Wicked ('And goodness knows / the wicked's lives are lonely')
'Violitism, who have one player, and a rabid fanbase who actually want their opponents to go and hunt him and probably kill him.' - reference to March of the Witch Hunters ('Go! And hunt her! And kill her!')
'People are led to those who help them most to grow. That, at least, explains why Bo Phelps was so keen on a loan move out of Walton Park to join newly-promoted Candelariasian side Caires Sports, and Phelps has helped them in return' - an extended reference to For Good ('And we are led to those / who help us most to grow / if we let them / and we help them in return')
'But this criminal had a talent, that he'd tried to suppress or hide from the authorities chasing him.' - reference to The Wizard and I ('This weird quirk I'd tried to suppress or hide / is a talent / that could help me meet the wizard...'). That said talent was magical should have been your clue.
'predictions of the final score were pretty much unlimited, and it was quite possible to get carried away and assert this Kura-Pelland XI were the greatest team there's ever been.' - reference to Defying Gravity ('Unlimited / together we're unlimited / together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been...')
'But their good players, who had been lurking surreptitiously (sic) in midfield and looked like your dime-a-dozen mediocrities until that point, burst from concealment to dominate the rest of the game' - three quotes in one, two from consecutive lines in Thank Goodness ('Then with a jealous squeal / The wicked witch burst from concealment / Where she had been lurking / Surreptitiously') and the other from Wonderful ('I knew who I was / One of your dime-a-dozen / Mediocrities...')

There's a bunch more. In fact I quoted from every single song in the musical. All seventeen. (And made a point of quoting from the one reprise in the final OOC bit - 'The hidden theme will be revealed in the next matchday. You can continue to guess, but don't start to wish you got it first. Wishing only wounds the heart.' - a quote from the reprise of I'm Not That Girl ('Don't wish / don't start / Wishing only wounds the heart').

Beer Served Here

10-02-2008, 15:46

Beer Served Here Falls Flat to Bazalonia
Footballers cling to slim hope in qualifiers

Beer Served Here's footballers are trying to look positively at their play clinging to a very slim hope of qualifying for the World Cup after falling one-nil to Bazalonia.

"We are definitely showing that we are not going to back down to anyone and that we are still going to compete no matter what," said team manager Bill Krabonchanski in his post-game press conference. "We are not mathematically eliminated yet so that means we still have a chance to qualify."

While the squad definitely did show signs of improvement compared to their first match against Bazalonia, Beer Served Here will likely have to sweep the rest of their matches to have a remote chance of qualifying for the World Cup. Nevertheless goaltender Steve Beck, who was nearly flawless in the match withstanding a barrage at one point of 5 shots in the span of three minutes, said that until the team is officially eliminated the remainder of the schedule is not a farewell tour.

"We are going to bust our asses every night because until we are eliminated we are playing for a spot in the cup," Beck said.

The Group 7 points standings has Bazalonia at the top with 24, followed by Ad'ihan and Sorthern Northland with 21 each. Sel Appa is in fourth with 17, followed by Beer Served Here with 10. Manilla Island and Dino's Pizza each have 6 points and Carcim has none.

In its next match, Beer Served Here takes on Manilla Island, a squad that Beer Served Here defeated 1-nil in their previous meeting.

Taeshan

10-02-2008, 15:55

Well after a first round qualifying loss to Dancougar, Taeshans Purple knights were ahead of those very same Black Wings in yesterdays game.Though it seems something always has to go wrong for the knights. Boris Boskow a wings player broke through the knights Defense and scored. The knights manager was frustrated and was escorted of the pitch. Th rest of the game was a see who could do the nicest tricks with the ball and of course Zeke the fan favorite drew a standing O for his moves.

Sorthern Northland

10-02-2008, 17:40

"Hello, hello, hello and welcome to Good Evening Sorthern Northland."

"The most watched evening show of SNTV, the nations only television network."

"Well two qualifiers this week, let's have a look at the first one."

"The Sortherners travelled to Dinos Pizza, and with an eight one home win in the first leg I'm sure the team will have been looking for another comfortable win and a large pepperoni."

"But they came home with neither as Dinos Pizza had run out of pepperoni so they had to make do with a large Hawaiian instead. As for the match they did get the win that nearly everyone expected but it was nowhere near as comfortable as would have been expected."

"No defiantly not, last time round the Pizza Boys seemed a bit disorganised and very lost but in front of a partisan home crowd they put a much better fight."

"Yes the team have indisputably improved since that second game of the tournament. But let's be honest scoring six seven or eight in very rare so I'm not too surprised we didn't get another massive win."

"A very fair point. The gaffer also decided to experiment a bit putting in a number of inexperienced players such as Gregory Pinoc, John Hernandez and Adam Federluchi for Tomsk, Kim and Huntley respectively and Kang Kan-Kang also came in for Jing Mao. And then the Sortherners didn't score until seventy five minutes do you feel this made a difference to the team?"

"Well, like you say around the seventy minute mark with the game goalless I was beginning to wonder whether making so many changes was a good idea, but I think up till that point it had been a case of when rather than will we score."

"Yes, for as much as Dinos Pizza had improved they didn't really offer much threat to Federluchi's goal did they?"

"No, he had just one or two saves to make all game, comfortable save at that as well, but a clean sheet on his competitive début will do him the world of good."

"And bringing in Hernandez and Kang? Maybe should he have played just one of them and left in one of the experienced strikers?"

"No not at all. Although I was getting a bit nervous about leaving it late to score I was sure they would come up with the good and sure enough with fifteen minutes left Hernandez scores and then five minutes later Kang gets one as well. You have to remember as well that Kang is a very experienced player. Maybe not as much as he should be at full international level but he has tons of goals for his club and was first choice ahead of Jing and Kim at the last Oriental Cup and he thoroughly deserved that role. I'm surprised he's had to wait so long for a start in the World Cup."

"So two nil a good win or not?"

"Every win is good, but although I was expecting a three or maybe four goal victory I'm very happy with just two. The performance was excellent even if the finishing wasn't."

"So Sel Appa in Castrograd next. Your thoughts?"

"This game is massively important. They win and they are one point behind us, we win and we are seven ahead and have to play only one of the higher ranked teams. Basically if they win I expect them to qualify, if we win I think we'll qualify."

"We have the home advantage as well of course."

"And I am so glad of that, the Sorthern fans are fantastic and they could well make the difference. I think it's fair to say the team missed them in Sel Appa."

"Sel Appa are allies of Bostopia as well."

"Yes so that'll add a bit more needle, a bit more edge to the game. I expect it to be a very blood and thunder game to be honest. There is so much at stake."

"Actually speaking of Bostopia what's the current threat level?"

"Huh? We're still at war with them?"

"Yes."

"Oh, ok then, let me just check. Looks like it's back to normal."

"Oh right, that's good then, well that's all for tonight."

"Good night and Come on you Sortherners."

Alasdair I Frosticus

10-02-2008, 18:14

REMORSE FOR THRASHING HOPELESS SC

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I RANTED to the squad post-game,
They should show some shame,
Though they'd done their part,
'Twas done too well, and they had shown
A fanatic's heart.

We were the better squad in each
Fine manners, liberal speech,
And especially sport,
Nothing said or done can reach
A fanatic's hearts.

Out of the Empire we have we come.
Hopeless SC's useless team,
Were maimed right from the start.
We carried into their home ground
A fanatic's heart.

Adihan

10-02-2008, 18:44

Dave Hollow was a sick man. Literally. He'd just recovered from a serious nervous system illness, but did not disclose this on his job application to the Ad'ihani Football Federation. He was fine if he didn't think about it, but the moment he let his mind wander to it he couldn't help but think the illness might return...

But he couldn't possibly disclose this now. His team were on a six-match winning run, with their last loss ages ago at the Protectorate Stadium against Bazalonia, the same team his team would face next. When this problem first resurfaced shortly before the match against Sel Appa (which Ad'ihan surprisingly won 4-3), Hollow shrugged it off after contacting his doctors and physiotherapist, but it had resurfaced and was now worse than ever.

He had harboured thoughts of quitting, but would that be too much? After all, his team were on their best-ever run, scoring 21 goals in their six wins on the trot (and conceding just six). Second in the group after a poor start, Ad'ihan were now in prime position to qualify for their third cup out of four. So he decided to come clean. And hope for the best.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Pierre-André Kavan, by now the full (and no longer acting) director of Hollow's employers at the AFF, was taken aback by the new entry in his inbox. Marked top priority, the subject line simply said "My job". Surprisingly, it was from Dave Hollow. So what was this about then?

The Archregimancy

10-02-2008, 18:47

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Pornography in the Archregimancy

Fellow nations: we rejoice that the Lord our God has continued to bless our campaign on this, the pre-Lenten Sunday of Zaccheus (though let us not forget the Synaxis of the Hierarchs of Novgorod, or the Hieromartyr Charalampus the Bishop of Magnesia in Thessaly and his Companions, whose memories we also commemorate this day), by seeing fit to grant unto us second place on the qualifying table following last night's victory over Jeruselem. Second place! What dizzying heights we have reached! We await the dramatic decline that inevitably waits over the last five matches with some impatience.

We further rejoice that last night's match against Jeruselem was played in a spirit of respect, with the visiting team making every effort to accommodate our nation's and squad's very different cultural traditions; their coach no doubt feels that they were a little too respectful given the final result, but we still extend our sincere thanks to our visitors for doing their best to restrain their baser urges during their visit to our nation.

However, we regret that we must protest against the discovery that our visitors seem to have accidentally left in their dressing room a series of what are apparently, according to the only five monks at the Grand Lavra who know about these things, termed 'cd-roms'. After loading these on to the only computer in the Archregimancy in order to see whether we should attempt to send them back to Jeruselem or merely discard them, we have discovered that they appear to consist of a series of vile and sinful pornographic films entitled 'The Dallases do Dallas', 'Anal Ariddians', 'Bike Riding for Fun and Orgasm', and 'Do it for Jeruselem!'.

The offending items have been immolated on a pyre following a ceremony of exorcism.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Starblaydia

11-02-2008, 00:23

-
Eights Over Aces
Starblaydia RAWRCRUSH gains momentum

Only very rarely does a game like this come along, the type of game where every shot you take seems to go in. In club football, you will be lucky to have one such game every other season, but in international football, such games come along perhaps once a decade, if that. Even in a friendly match such as this such luck in front of goal is highly uncommon.

Starblaydia equalled their highest-ever victory in this match, though when compared to the previous 8-0 victory, in World Cup 27's qualifiers, this can be seen as by far a better achievement. Back then Starblaydia were recent World Champions and in the top ten in the world. They would, four years later, take a second World Championship against two-time World Champions Bedistan. Starblaydia were in the top ten in the world and they were playing Obsidianus ('Who?' you ask. Exactly). Eight-nil, thank-you very much and goodnight. This time, however, Starblaydia are just in the fifies, with Krytenia not far behind, being in the seventies in terms of world rank.

Both teams have long histories, though one would say Starblaydia's is by far the greatest to live up to. Either way, the two nations have been friends, allies, rivals and even enemies over the last one hundred years. Though Starblaydia have the more glittering history, many is the time they have been knocked out of crucial World Cup matches by their cyan-clad regionmates. The two nations have been in the most powerful regional alliance Atlantian Oceania had ever seen, but soon were at war in the region's fiercest combat. The history and rivalry between Starblaydia and Krytenia is long and chequered, but the one thing that has always united them has been football.

It was a match played in good spirits all around, with little of the bitter partisan chanting seen so regularly in past matches between these formerly great nations. That, however, was it for an all-round love-in as Starblaydia were ahead within ten minutes, thanks to Tarquin Fullbright. The thirty-one year old would then go on to score three more goals, to equal the Starblaydi record - held jointly by Simeone Di Bradini and Jacqueline Maitland - of four goals in a single international match. Fullbright's tally was wrapped up within the hour, at which point he was substituted to a standing ovation from everyone with purple in their hearts. It was already five-nil at that point, thanks to a free kick from Antonio Mora. Within moments of the replacement, Lubii, coming on, a Starblaydi corner resulted in a goal for the captain Roque Bravo. Six-nil, and half an hour to go. It didn't get any better for Krytenia as a second subsitute, the big man Stefan Hinkonnen, came on to prove his point as to why he shouldn't be left kicking his mighty heels on the bench.

Two goals was his contribution in the last fifteen minutes, putting the sword well and truly into Krytenia and their manager, Samuel Duffy. It was only a friendly, but it had proved to be the last eight straws that broke the camel's back, as the KFA summarily sacked Duffy and the entire back room staff, citing an atrocious qualification attempt so far.

Speaking of qualification attempts, Starblaydia's began to look a whole lot rosier as their fourth Group Six victory in a row took them to within just a point of the qualification zone behind third-place Qazox, who sit two behind Lovisa. Zwangzug, barring some sort of nation-wide outbreak of footballing ineptitude, have certainly qualified, being eleven points ahead of Starblaydia with just fifteen available. Three points separate Lovisa, Qazox and the underdogs in white and purple, and Starblaydia have to play them both. Oh, but that's after they face the undefeated, unstoppable Zwangzug. Hopefully Betanii Marrones' side will not drop too many points in the next three games, but thankfully they have two easy games against Wing Wang Woo and a home match versus Minilla Island West. The combined score of the two games already played against the two whipping boys was 10-2, so expect nothing less form a resurgent Starblaydi side.

If they can take a few points off the top three sides, who knows where Starblaydia could be in five games time? In the top three? Let's hope so. Does anyone know what time it is?

Eight past Ibanez!

Jeruselem

11-02-2008, 00:25

On the plane to Jeruselem

Jacinta: Oi, Hikfie!
Hikfie: Yes, Jacinta ...
Jacinta: Where's my DVD collection? You had it last.
Hikfie: I left them somewhere

Jacinta: Where! Where!
Hikfie: Oh yes, they are still in Monkland!
Jacinta: Oh bloody hell, I've lost them now. They'll be destroyed by now.
Hikfie: Oops ...

Jacinta: Can you be a little less absent-minded with other people's stuff next time.
Hikfie: Oh sorry ...
Flak: I've got your Virtual Strumpet DVD here.
Jacinta: Thanks Flak, that's one I haven't lost. Say, why have you go it?

Flak: Oh, I wanted to see how real it was.
Jacinta: Flak, keep it! Just in case, I'm away!
Flak: Err, I can't - this isn't allowed in the house.
Jacinta: Poor Flak.

Pacitalia

11-02-2008, 01:11

OOC: ... but Pacitalian state television ...

No such thing exists. Did you mean the PBC (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/pacitalian_broadcasting_corporation.html)?

Zwangzug

11-02-2008, 01:50

The Bassabook Baritone
Lost within everyone else's mind

Fiery finish

Remember that snowstorm a couple of matchdays ago? So does the football team, evidently, and nostalgically.

The game didn't go poorly for Zwangzug or anything: they scored four goals, equaling their scoreline against Samcoa. This time around, Brendan Deguela started the job after a long pass from Mal Faustino, Gary Maini notched a brace [we've got to be the only newspaper in the country that says stuff like "notched a brace", and we don't mean the grand staff thingy -ed], and Simon Ryne Olson scored the final goal. But that came against substitute goalkeeper Octávio Sérvulo, a doctor in the Landau Institute, the home of the entire Estresse Intenso team. The starter, Benjamin Toledo Durão, was sent off for a violent foul on Peter Vanderpent.

The Landau team scored two goals, through Carlos Alberto Gabalán and Professor César Selic. 4-2, a comfortable victory, sees Zwangzug stay far on top of Group 6: the team has won every match.

The drama of the day, then, came at halftime when the visitors' dressing room was set on fire. In contrast to stadium torchings by rowdy fans, this is believed to have been the accidental doings of a substitute defender. Fortunately, the many staff members on hand were able to quickly extinguish it, and no one was injured.

Zwangzug will next travel to Starblaydia, a former footballing powerhouse. In its rebuilding era, it has bid to cohost the next World Cup along with affiliated tournaments. Past and present-or present and future-should play an intriguing match.

Demot

11-02-2008, 02:26

Thoril's eyes were blurred, his mouth dry, and his mind numbed. As he began to regain conciousnous, his hand went straight for his temple, where a small trail of blood continue to drip from a quartersized gash. He tried to remember how he obtained the injury, but his mind just would not focus. He went to push himself off the ground and noticed that he wasn't wearing the outfit he had on from the last thing he remembered. He remembered arriving in Valanora with the rest of the squad, going to the hotel, and getting ready for the "friendly". He remembered the squad getting on the the bus and arriving at the stadium and the gaffer giving his pre game instructions. As the rest of the squad filtered out of the locker room and into the tunnel, he remebered a young girl asking him for some help, then everything was black.
He wasn't in his proud red Demot kit, but instead was in a silk violet robe, along with what appeared to be sandals. A small knock came from the white painted door and a second later, a short elf with shoulder length auburn hair dressed in a similar outfit to his entered with a bottle with a liquid he couldn't identify and two small glasses.

"Good morning Thoril. We were wondering when you would wake back up. How are you feeling?"

"Umm... where am I? Why am I bleeding?"

"Oh, I guess you don't remember then. Well, when you were at The Tar Pit, and that girl asked you for help, you fainted and hit your head on her ring. Your team was already out on the pitch and no one was around to assist you. So you were there on the ground bleeding and passed out for some time before young Jazil was able to bring me to you. I brought you here and tended to your wound, which I'm sad to see it reopened. You've been out cold for three weeks."

"THREE WEEKS?!!... Wait, where is here? and why didn't you leave me in the dressing room."

"Ah, you're more clever than we anticipated. Trust that all things will be revealed in time. For now being content in knowing that you are in the High Priestess Temple inside Mount Sumarja. The High Priestess is waiting for you in the dining hall. Go left in the hall, take a right at the first interesection, and it will be the first door on the left. Be quick, the High Priestess is not one to keep waiting, espicially with matters such as this.

Oh but first I must insist that you have some of this elixer. It will speed up the recovery process."

As she poured Thoril and herself a glass, little did Thoril know that the elixer would indeed help him recover, but it's powers did much much more. But with his confusion at a maximium, his usual skeptism was pushed to the side with survival insticts directing his moves.

Milchama

11-02-2008, 02:38

"So we've wasted 3 days have you been thinking?"

"Yeh and I've realized themes suck, waaaaaaaay too hard to do anything"

"Why?"

"You end up making everything to some theme and in the end it's usually stupid or irrelevant"

"What do you mean? Don't you remember Helmut Vilakaous and Audioslavia"

"Yeh we tried that with Damien Hill remember? He might have been nuts but that got old really quickly"

"Yeh it's true, the MFA doesn't do anything really ridiculous. The best we ever had was that Margaret theme which led to us getting to the final"

"Hmmmm.... then we really do need a theme"

"Damn it man, what should it be? WHAT SHOULD IT BE?!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I have no idea man, I'm at a complete loss. We can't use crazy rosters, crazy coaches and we're not crazy enough or clever enough to do something like Kura Pelland"

"Which means that we're screwed into doing stupid things like this"

"Agreed"

"Damn"

"Agreed as well"

"Well then let us find a theme for next cup this cup"

"Sounds good"

Daehanjeiguk

11-02-2008, 02:43

Sports Inquiry - "Dumplings!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Owing to the unenviable accuracy of the previous speaker's predictions, the IFA of the Han Empire wishes to present to you a cooking show on how to make dumplings to celebrate the New Year in style!

Cook: Okay, so we're going to dumplings today, and to start things out, we're going to need a few key ingredients. The first is a fresh stock of wine. Because you can never be too drunk when you're making these things! So take out your first bottle of wine. And start chugging! Don't start making your batch until you've finished the bottle, preferably in one hour's time. Otherwise, you might need another bottle to help you out. For the sake of time, I'm going to finish my bottle in the next 15 seconds.

*glug glug*

Okay, that was pretty dry stuff, but we're ready to start making our dumplings! Now, the key to any dumpling is the stuffing, so you're going to need a huge vat of meat. Now, I've got this coup of stray cats and dogs, because I get sick and tired of them making a mess all over my lawn. If you'd like, you can use stray rats too, but you have make sure you have enough meat. And as with any meat with fur on it, you have to steam the animals live so the fur peels off easily. The animals might shriek a little, but trust me it's humane. If you're too impatient, you can visit your nearest college laboratory and autoclave the darlings. If you're lucky, the autoclave will peel the fur off automatically. Luckily for us, we've gotten dog meat prepared by the local butcher's market, so no need to worry about the cutting, the grinding, the filleting, and the bleeding.

Now, you want to bash that meat really nicely. Bash it to a mush. This is where drunkness gets to be handy, because you can use a lot more force by being drunk than by being careful. Bash it really hard, and you'll have really tender meat. Fortunately for us, we have an automatic basher that does this at 1000 RPM, so we'll slip it into the machine and have another drink. Once the meat is tender, you'll want to cut it up into a fine mush. Luckily for us, that same bashing machine also grinds the meat into a puree, removing all of the bones from the dog and cats automatically by diffusion. If you like the bones, make sure you grind it up really nicely.

Now comes the time for your vegetables. Be sure to use fresh vegetables, as canned vegetables will be too wet to use, and it won't match your meat puree well. We've got here potatoes, carrots, onions, and spinach to start us off, but you can of course use Brussels sprouts, broccoli, mustard gas, phenylephrine, hydroxycortisone, asparatame, ethylamine-glucosate, or a pack of finely chopped celery. If you're feeling really lucky, you can add a dash of wine to the mix for flavor. Now that you've gotten this all mixed up, it time to stick them in the wrappers.

Now, we get our wrappers pre-made, and you'll be stupid if you get them raw, because they're just too hard to make. But we have a whole assortment of shapes and sizes. Remember, the most important thing about dumplings is the mix though, so if you can't wrap the mix, then it's not a dumpling. So we'll take our dumpling and fill it with about half a spoon of mix and cover the mix with the wrapper. Now, you can do one of many sorts of things with this sticker. You can boil it in water. You can fry it in oil. You can boil it in water then fry it in oil. You can fry it in oil then boil it in water. You can stick it into a cannon and use the stickers as fodder. You can lace them with cyanide and make suicide stickers. You can of course microwave them and watch them explode. You can teleport them via photonic relay, but you have to remember to wrap them tightly or else the stuffing will splatter all over the spacetime pathway. You can give the sticker to your best friend as a hurling experiment. I generally recommend frying in oil then boiling because your dumplings will have a fine wet texture to them. Now, you'll want to fry them on high for about 5 minutes before boiling. Otherwise, your dumplings will disintegrate into the water and you'll have dumpling soup.

Now there's a prime example of a fine dumpling! You can of course serve as it is, but I like to add a little sparkler and put it on a plate with a assortment of electric eels, so my customers can have a slimy feel that's also enlighteningly shocking. And that's a dumpling! Don't forget to save some for cannon fodder! They also make great bombs, but you have to substitute the stuffing with plastics. Otherwise, the explosion won't be so fascinating. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make some food.

The IFA wishes to apologize for a lack of coverage over the match in Krytenia today. MBC International reserves the right not to broadcast any of the events it pleases not to show, so for your information, the Imperial Team has been substituted with a plague of fleshing-eating zombies (since we don't know what else to do with our zombies after the New Years festivities are over).

Goal Scorers:
6 - Jeong Jihun
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Baek Jihun, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

New Manhattan

11-02-2008, 03:57

Matchday 10 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13439900&postcount=12) are now up.

Jeruselem

11-02-2008, 04:38

Jeruselem Government News

Polish get slaughtered in Jeruselem

Err, before you people get worked up about Jeruselem police shooting Polish people for fun - it's not. It's football! We know some of you don't care if Polish people do get shot. We will refrain from making jokes about Teutonic Knight invading Poland and starting one of those nice Baltic Crusades.

Evil Polish Donors came to Jeruselem to play football and left looking like idiots. Jeruselem who were smarting from their loss to the Monks 1-2, were determined to make up for their first loss. A home game for Jeruselem was just the tonic and the Polish team felt the wrath of the Princesses.

Still missing Kara Kool who sat in the bench with a broken foot, the team fired up. They hammered Evil Polish Donors SIX NIL and proved they can score goals. Admitted, the Polish were never in the match and got stuck defending all game. Again and again, the ball ended up in the back of the net. The Jeruselem keeper was rather bored and spent most of the time doing dancing with the defense to keep active.

The Pazhujeb Island sent Blouman Empire crashing back to earth after their win over Demot. Blouman Empire was on the wrong end 2-3, with the islanders scoring a much needed win.

Demot recovered with scrappy 2-0 win over Scotchpinestan. Demot are top team in group 3 due to their win 4-0 over the monks with Jeruselem a close 3rd. The top 3 in Group 3 are looking quite settled.

The Archregimancy kept up the pressure with a 3-0 win over Magnus Valerius, keeping them 2nd in the group. The Monks look like a real team now which don't turn to mud.

So Group 3 is much the same with best teams being much better than the pretenders so far.

Jeru FC got it's first draw after playing Rejistania ending 1 ALL. They are 4th due to their loss on head-2-head to Wentland but Wentland lost their game so our boys had a great chance to grab 3rd spot outright but did not. Naboombu Umbongo - who are rather lowly ranked knocked over Hacker's team 2-1.

Arridia won ... again but Qazox buried Samcoa 7–0 in the biggest blowout of this round. There were two other games like that with winners scoring 6 goals not including Jeruselem's win.

Kara Kool is still out but Jane Sanderson says she should be back in a few games.

Fans of Princess Jacinta Dallas can download a beta of Virtual Strumpet: Princess Jacinta now. It's a beta so it's not totally stable or complete yet. Software expires 30 days after installation or when the final release is done. Please note, this is not for kids! It is not compatible with people who are very sensitive like moral crusaders and Orthodox monks.

Group 3
Demot 2–0 Scotchpinestan
Magnus Valerius 0–3 The Archregimancy
Jeruselem 6–0 Evil Polish Donors
The Pazhujeb Islands 3–2 Blouman Empire

Group 4
Rejistania 1–1 Jeru FC

Fujisawan Territories

11-02-2008, 04:47

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Shaojin Warriors Shut Out 4-0, Continue Bipolar Journey in Milchama

The Territories went back to poor play and mental errors that were characteristic for the Shaojin Warriors in the earlier portion of qualifying. Fresh off a 3-3 draw with Rugiero at Crosscom, the Territories seemed to have a bit too much confidence for their own good going into the match against Milchama. The always humble head coach of the Territories, Stephen Distefano was there after the game for a reality check. “We knew Milchama was going to win but we didn’t know by how much. I thought we could keep a competitive game. It feels to me like we take one step forward, and end up taking two steps back,” said Distefano.

A new starting lineup has been released by Distefano for the match against Kura-Pelland in Crosscom Global Arena:

GK Noko Fujimaki
D Keiko Shi
D Kiyotada Satoh
D Motonobu Mizutani
M Masumi Matsumara
M Yasutsugi Takikawa
M Shinkichi Karasuma
F Nobomitsu Sataka
F Takuji Motoyoshi
F Naozane Watari
F Zenki Sakurai

“We’re hoping that with the changes we’ve made we can make inroads toward more production and more progress,” Distefano said. A change at goalkeeper appears to signal a lack of confidence in Azumomo Tsukenn, and injecting Motonobu Mizutani into the starting lineup should help, even if only slightly when the Fujisawan Territories host Kura-Pelland in Crosscom Global Arena.

Sunday Edition Commentary
by Staff Writer Heizo Ui

Even on crutches, her broken ankle in a bright blue cast, Izukoza Yoko maintains an imposing, commanding presence as she waits outside the main entrance of Hoji Metropolitan Hospital for Women, Children, and the Economically Disadvantaged. The messages scribbled on her cast by friends, family, and teammates seem to compliment the graffiti sprawled across the wall behind her.

Her younger sister Namiko lights up a cigarette, squinting her eyes in the late morning sun. Izukoza and Namiko don’t appear the least bit worried or uncomfortable as they wait for a taxi. Yet, just a week before, in the same exact spot where the two young women are standing, twenty-one year old Keitaro Katsura was gunned down, the victim of mistaken identity and a drive by shooting.

Hoji Metropolitan Hospital for Women, Children, and the Economically Disadvantaged is flanked by the troubled neighborhoods of West Atlantis to the west, and Magiku to the east, respectively. Both are prone to violence, which in the last few weeks has seen a deadly increase. In fact, the prior night, a drug deal gone bad claimed the life of eighteen year old Yasotaro Hanabusa just two blocks from the hospital down West Atlantis Road.

Izukoza just laughs it off when I bring up the topic. “It’s part of being Fujisawan. It’s not guaranteed you’ll be here tomorrow...it’s very violent in the Territories but you can’t let that stop you from living your life,” she tells me.

“But it seems like it’s a free for all. It’s like it’s everybody for themselves. That’s the way of life in the Territories,” Namiko tells me. She points at a junkie digging through a rubbish bin just outside the ambulance bay. “Just like him. Who the (expletive) gives a (expletive) about him? Nobody really. And if you don’t do anything with your life, everyone expects you to end up just like him.”

When I bring out the subject of Hirotaka Shibukji, Izukoa’s mood sours. I ask her why Hirotaka did what he did. “I don’t know...I’m searching, I really am. I lost a friend, and...I wish I had the answer, and I wish everyone would stop asking me...maybe there is no answer,” is her reply. She’s clearly upset, and I probe just a bit to ask her if perhaps all the violence in the Territories influenced him to act the way he did. “I don’t know...” Her voice trails off into undecipherable mumbling, at a loss of words. It is then that she tells me about a cousin.

“The streets of Magiku and meth took her away,” Izukoza reflected softly. Only seventeen, addicted to crystal methamphetamine, and homeless when she died, Emi Toyoda was one of many young souls caught up in the fast life of sex, drugs, and gangs in Magiku. “Those were her only two real friends; the streets and meth...it’s been a hard year.”

Every day, another family learns the news that their son or daughter has died on the streets of Magiku or West Atlantis.

“But it’s like I said, the only one who gives a (expletive) about you are your friends and maybe family and that’s it. It’s rough out here. Sometimes I just want to stand in the street and yell ‘HELP!’ because I see people I’ve known, friends, dying in the streets. People I care about,” Namiko interjects.

A perfect stranger approaches us, shy at first, then engages Izukoza. She’s maybe sixteen, an obvious product of the housing projects across the street from the hospital. She asks to sign Izukoza’s cast and tells her she’s proud of Izukoza.

It brings a smile back to Izukoza’s face and she obliges, handing a marker to the teen. “I’m glad I can be a positive role model, because that’s what these neighborhoods need. They need someone to aspire to be like or a goal to work toward. It’s almost like you’ll never see someone from Magiku or even West Atlantis on a Territories World Cup roster,” Izukoza says. “It’s Hoji this, Hoji that...”

Izukoza turns toward the girl with words of encouragement. “If you stick it out, if you make it out of the projects, if you put your heart into zeokit, you can be where I am right now,” Izukoza told her. The girl smiles back at Izukoza, and for once, even for a fleeting moment, it didn’t matter that we were standing in the middle of a war zone, because now there seemed to be the promise of hope, if only for one person. “You do something for someone, and they do something for someone, and next thing you know, things start to get better,” Izukoza remarks after the visitor had left. “They start to improve.”

Namiko lights up another cigarette after letting out a sigh. She asks me if I knew anybody from Magiku that has died, and regrettably I told her I have. My own brother and his wife were stabbed to death at a street corner on Ocean View Drive. They were walking to a friend’s apartment for a visit, but never made it. Namiko nods her head as if she understands, and I know she does.

Though the bastard that killed my brother is locked away serving his time, so many families of the victims of the violent streets never get that kind of closure. Namiko is right. It is a free for all.

Izukoza rejoins the conversation, changing the topic. “It makes me feel good to represent my country internationally and I’m hoping I really am making a difference. That’s why this whole World Cup is so important to us as players, but also as Fujisawans.”

Just then, the Yoko’s taxi comes. Namiko kills her cigarette with another sigh. Izukoza crutches to the taxi a bit clumsily and her sister helps her inside the front passenger’s seat.

Izukoza closes the door and Namiko give me a reassuring glance before she herself gets in the back of the taxi. And then they’re off, back to Namiko’s apartment in Hoji. I’m left in this dangerous place to ponder what lies ahead in the future for Magiku, for Hoji, for Izukoza and the rest of the World Cup 39 qualifying team, and especially for my country. I can’t help but feel inspired by Izukoza’s hope.

Bazalonia

11-02-2008, 05:01

Banco Econômico 1-1 Globo Multimídia
Bostopian Tourist Board 1-2 Verona Inc

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Verona Inc 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
2 Bostopian Tourist Board 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
3 Globo Multimídia 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
4 Banco Econômico 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
5 Dallas International Enterprises 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

OOC: Scorination of MD3 will be in around 8-10 hours

IC:

There was a knock on the door, it was at 2 am in the morning such a knock could only mean one thing to Caine Hawdon one of the blokes looking after the Bazalonian Bazalopes. Caine stumbled out of bed, his pyjama's where cotton. The bleary eyed Bazalonian opened the door. There was a man with a suitcase who barged his way in...

"Good, your awake, I need to speak with you." the man said heading straight for the lounge room.

"Who, are you and what are you doing in my house?!"

"Oh, sorry, I'm a middle-man... We want you to .."

"Hang on, who's 'we'?"

"Us, my compatriots and I, we..."

"That didn't answer my question..."

".. throw the game."

"WHAT?!"

"you heard me, throw the game against Sel Appa."

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WE WILL NOT THROW THIS NOR ANY OTHER GAME!"

"You'll be sorry..."

"Yeah, that's what they all say NOW GET OUT!"

"Alright, but you were warned."

"yeah. blah, blah, blah , Get out"

Qazox

11-02-2008, 05:06

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 10: vs Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg.
QAZOX 7
Samcoa 0

Usually after Qazox' THAT GAME, they follow it up with a game like this. A 7-0 plastering of Samcoa, moves the Pheonix back into 2nd place, thanks to Estresse Intenso's win over Lovisa. There was too many plays to be named here, but the stand out play of Renna Valladores, stood out as she had 2 goals and 4 assists on the day. The lone low spot for Qazox was a yellow card given to Cyrus Stasinos in the 33rd minute.

Up next for the Pheonix is Starblaydia at Qazian Memorial Stadium in Qazox City. This match is a re-match of a 0-0 draw earlier in qualifying. The winner of this match, if there is one, should be in a great position to qualify for the World Cup.

SUMMARY:
Qazox: Renna Valladores (GOAL- 11')
Qazox: Renna Valladores (GOAL- 23')
Qazox: Cyrus Stasinos (YELLOW CARD- 33')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (GOAL- 37')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (GOAL- 44')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (GOAL- 61')
Qazox: Subsitution (Chadwick Jethva for Anderson Tarricone- 63')
Qazox: Subsitution (Willow Farmwald for Kallie Jaus- 63')
Qazox: Willow Farmwald (GOAL- 72')
Qazox: Subsitution (Jeffie Huhman for Renna Valladores- 78')
Qazox: Chadwick Jethva (GOAL- 80')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 5
Valladores- 5
Tarricone- 4
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-3 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

Green wombat

11-02-2008, 05:13

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS allow Ariddia to Qualify.

Ariddia qualified for the World Cup, no thanks to the inept offense of Green wombat. Ariddia scored all four of its goals in the first half and just cruised to a 4-1 win. The goalless streak finally end on a 67th minute goal from William Diehl. The loss keeps Green wombat 7 points out with only 4 games left. Up next is Cadarnia, back home. Either we win or we are eliminated.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 3
William Diehl- 3
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Danica Howes- 1
Phillip Milligan-1

Dancougar

11-02-2008, 05:33

(Old west whistling theme. Gunshot. Huuah!)
ROBERT: Showdown time between Adonis and Nakahara. We start with the results of last night's association football match, Hopeless SC wandering into the National Stadium, and leaving just as confused as they did before after another scoreless draw. Neither team can figure the other one out. What did you see out there, guys?
JAY: I saw a Dancougar team that doesn't really know how urgently they need points! At home against a team they showed they could match up with, they can't score any goals? The entire offense has been stale since the break, just three goals in the last six games. And five out of ten, they've been shut out. It's pathetic, Vincennes! Yes, they tend to lean more towards the defensive side of the ball, but that's only going to get you so far.
KENJI: That's true, Jay, although we've seen that if the defense caves early, it's far worse than if they try to get that right at the expense of a few attacks. But you're right, I saw a team that isn't pushing with all they've got. They needed to get the midfield more involved when it became clear that the Hopeless SC offense was even slower to develop anything. Morimoto only had one good crack, Leyton wasn't effectively distributing the ball. This team should be hungrier than this.
ROBERT: That's certainly true, Nakahara, but I heard the argument from Adonis first. He gets the point. (+1) We move onto the big picture. Five games remaining and ten points back now, it will take more than a miracle to resurrect the Wings now. The question on my mind is whether or now they can leapfrog Taeshan for fourth. What do you guys think?
KENJI: Yeah, formal elimination is really just a matter of time, and I think Vephrall will take care of that in the National Stadium in two games' time, which is a sad way to go. Looking at Taeshan now, I don't think the Wings have any steam in the engine to drive them over that hump. Taeshan's been playing pretty well, two wins and a draw in their last three. Their experience is starting to show, the stamina to make it through qualifying.
JAY: In all fairness, those two wins have been against the two bottom teams in the table, Komekong and Kalmykstan, but you're right, Taeshan are playing better football right now. And realistically, the Wings are going to have to win on the road against Komekong to stay alive, and they're not even going to do that. And it would not surprise me to see Hopeless SC take over fifth place over the next few weeks.
ROBERT: Hopeless did take a four game unbeaten streak into that thrashing against The Holy Empire. This tie means they've taken points from five of six, which does command some respect. And the lack of goals lately will make the Komekong game closer than the other two. Point to Adonis, (+1), game to Adonis, you have thirty seconds, go!
JAY: I've learned of some rather bizarre goings-on across the late in Helmut, a couple of university students have apparently been sacrificing chickens of all kinds, real and rubber, in an attempt to pacify some goddess of footballing luck known as Margaret. While it makes for an interesting color piece in the middle of the sports section, my advice to these young men is that if you really want to help the team, learn how to kick a football and please share with Ikeda and Cale. That's the best thing anyone can do for us right now.
ROBERT: And that's the horn, we're going on a twenty three and a half hour break. PTI is next.

Fujisawan Territories

11-02-2008, 05:33

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Territories Lose 4-2 in Crosscom

Hoji, Iwosaka - Adjustments made after the shutout loss to Milchama seemed to have made a difference despite the Shaojin Warriors losing 4-2, even if it is only a slight one. The Territories got of to a slow start however, with both goals for the Territories coming later in the match, by Zenki Sakurai in the sixty-seventh minute and Takuji Motoyoshi in the seventy-seventh minute.

Injured Izukoza Yoko was back on the sidelines supporting her team, and for once it seemed the focus was back on the field instead of on the off field drama that has plagued the team as of late.

In an unexpected twist in the Hirotaka Shibukji case, prosecutors have announced that they are willing to drop all charges if Shibukji relinquishes his Territorial citizenship and seeks asylum in Prux. Shibukji has told prosecutors that he agrees to the terms, and now it is up to officials in Prux. Shibukji also intends to take up Prux’s Mr. Nicnann on his offer for an interview in Prux. “I think we’re all ready to put the drama with Hirotaka behind us,” Coach Stephen Distefano told reporters.

Prux

11-02-2008, 05:39

"LIVE from Pawtucket, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Pawtucket for Match 10 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Violitism, Live here tonight!"

Coach Jonathonman: "Violitism.. OH god I don't wanns think about them."

RJ: "Still mad their lone player scored on you?"

Coach: "What do you think?"

<plays the Violitism national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, is jeering the Prisoner and here come the Prawns!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts Chanting Kick his A$$!" >

Coach: "I hope they do. "

RJ: "Violitism opens by taking the ball..."

<cut to 5th minute>

RJ: "Henry Marks, the World's Strongest albino has scored his first ever goal!"

Coach: "GOOD! That should beat down that jailbird and he should just roll-over and die now!"

RJ: "Boy, you have some issues with Violitism, don't ya?"

<cut to 24th minute>

RJ: "OH MY DOG!!!! Somehow the Prisoner managed to score through the entire Prawns defense and it's now 1-1."

Coach: "What the Hell!!! That guy clearly used his hands to throw the ball into the net!!!

RJ: "Coach, why don't you just go away for a while? You're clearly not right in the head."

<Coach leaves the broadcast booth>

<cut to 31st minute>

RJ: "Henry Marks has now made it 2-1 here, with a nice 35 yard blast. I dunno what Coach is doing, but he's sitting on the bench, and I'm guessing that he's trying to convince Mr. Nicnann to let him play again."

<cut to 35th minute>

RJ: "Henry Marks has a Hat-trick and now it's 3-1 Prawns! Coach is still trying to get on teh pitch, but Mr. Nicnann isn't allowing him."

<cut to 62nd minute>

RJ: "Matt Victor Paulsen, scores his 9th goal of the qualifers and it's now 4-1, and Mr. Nicnann and Coach are still arguing over Coach being allowed on the field.

<cut to 87th minute>

RJ: "Chris Jerusalem has made it 5-1 here and Coach, OH MY DOG!!, He just slugged Mr. Nicnann and is running on the field, right towards the prisoner.. and Coach is beating him with a Malaysian Cane!!! The police are coming onto the field and are dragging him away.. What a bad day for sports."

<END of match>

RJ: "Other than Coach losing his mind, the match was rather good for Prux as they get a big win over Violitism. The next match is against St Samuel, back here in Pawtucket. I'm good ol' RJ and we'll see you next week!"

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-9 (1-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-5
Hedge-3 (1- pk)
Henry Marks- 3
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Casari

11-02-2008, 05:56

"What?" Hill said, glancing around.

"We didn't get a script today." whispered Reoni, glancing nervously at the camera.

"... wait, does this have something to do with that strike BS?"

"I dunno, what do we do?"

"Damnit, you're on the air, wing it!" Danialson growled, glancing at them.

"Shit. Do one of those line things, quick!"

---

"Um... so... Michael... that certainly was... um... some match, huh?"

Reoni nodded quickly. "Oh yes, it was. Quite a match against... that other team we played."

"Indeed!" Danialson interjected.

"Um... hey, let's go drink some beers!" Reoni said, staring at the camera.

"Yes, we do enjoy drinking beers, don't we?"

"And how!" Hill added.

"Um... don't you think we should take off our hideous kits first?" Reoni continued.

"Oh yes, those sure are hideous, we wouldn't want to be seen in those!"

"Not at all."

"Um... wait, has anyone seen my pet hamster?" Danialson asked.

"What the hell are you on about? Hamsters and crap like that." Hill said.

"I'm just trying to make conversation." Danialson replied dejectedly. "I think I really do need a drink."

"No kidding."

---

"Silvia, here!" a trainer said, quickly tossing Hill a stack of paper.

"Damn, finally." she said, looking at the first page. "Wait, we lose? And what's this shit, I'm injured?"

"That's all we have, you have to go with it!"

"This is worse than the catapult episode we always do!"

"Come on, just do the damn script!"

"No, this is bullshit. I refuse."

"Damnit, Hill, it's in your contract!"

"Wait, wait, when did I sign a contract, was I drunk?" Hill said, looking at Reoni and Danialson, confused. "When did I sign a contract?"

"No, we're on a purely episode-by-episode deal. You'll have to find something better." Reoni said, crossing his arms.

---

Reoni was curled in a small ball, wearing a harness and hanging from the very business end of a very large trebuchet, aimed towards an uncomfortably distant landing net. "I better to god make this net."

Hill laughed. "I'm just happy I didn't end up in the harness. Now, what was the bet?"

"If you hit him in midair with this soccer ball, I owe you twenty."

"Sounds fair." Hill said, taking the soccer ball in her hands and turning it slowly. "Okay, throw him."

"Nonononowaitwaitwait, I'll do the losing script!" Reoni pleaded, dangling and looking slightly green."

"Too late for that. Try not to bite your tongue."

"Oh ball-" was all Reoni had time to say before he was flung through the air, Hill throwing a ball and hitting him in the leg as he flipped and landed in the net, cursing.

"Haha, twenty!" Hill said. "Easiest money ever."

"I'm never doing this kind of shit again, you hear me?"

Danialson nodded. "This did end up being a good episode, we should complain more often."

"As long as I don't have to wear some kind of costume. That kind of crap is right out." Hill said, walking away. "Pub?"

"Sounds good."

"Damnit, you guys!" Reoni said, struggling out of the landing net and falling. "Ow, damnit. You're not hitting the pub without me, damnit, I'm the one who got flung through the air!"

"I didn't hit you in the balls, just be happy about that."

Hopeless SC

11-02-2008, 05:57

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Very disappointing World Cup for your team. Another scoreless draw, their 4th of qualifying saw them eliminated from the World Cup. It looks like your team will be making another Cup of Harmony appearance, where we can only hope that they'll play better than they did in the World Cup.

Grades for Dancougar match:
Effort: D-
Control: F
Offense: F
Defense: D+
Overall: D-

Lesson Your Team Learned: You have to win your matches against teams ranked below you if you want to get close to qualification, draws won't do.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderate

Starblaydia

11-02-2008, 11:16

-
Five Of A Kind
Zwangzug run brought to an end

Starblaydia moved up to be level on points with Lovisa after an exciting match against table-toppers Zwangzug. The top-ten team came to Starblaydia in their black away kits, which turned out to be in mourning for the loss of their 100% record.

The first half was an open affair, with Zwangzug passing the ball around as befitted a team nearly fifty places ahead of Starblaydia in the world ranks. Ursula Lauren and Eddie Barnes played the ball around very neatly, with Starblaydia forced to chase the game for long periods in the first half. The game turned when Zwangzug scored the opener, carving up the space left by Kwame Jabir surging forward. On the counter, Starblaydia couldn't muster a defence to meet Zwangzug's swift attack and Peter Vanderpent stole in and, in acres of space, met a great pass from Steven Ruck to score.

Betanii Marrones, never one to be stuck in a rut, changed things up almost immediately, taking off Kalia Canildo and bringing Stefan Hinkonnen into the attack to give Starblaydia a three-man defensive midfield consisting of Di Angelo, Kabir and Oscar. Antonio Mora push on as the link between midfield and the two front men, with Alfonso Di Angelo given a free reign to roam forward when Starblaydia held the ball and were in the ascendancy. Gradually the three midfield men began to break up the Zwangzug play, and a real meatgrinder developed in the centre of the pitch with foul after foul occurring, so much so that Jack Stafador was brought on in the second half to keep Kwame Jabir from receiving a second yellow card.

By that point, though, Starblaydia's re-jigged game plan was working, notably because of Antonio Mora's strike just before half time. Starblaydia were gaining momentum, and even though Zwangzug had got used to winning their last nine matches, Starblaydia's record of four consecutive wins - enchanced, of course, by their 8-0 exhibition match victory - was not something they wished to throw away either. The play was tight and the challenges were tough, but neither side was ready to give an inch, which made chances few and far between.

When such scenarios come along, however, you need someone who can put away a half-chance. Nineteen year-old striker Lubii appears to be that someone. She came on for an injured, dead-legged Fullbright - who should be back in time for the crucial Qazox and Lovisa matches - with a roar of applause behind her: the match was taking place at Foundation Road, after all, and, as the only Iskara Daii player in the squad, was bound to be hom favourite. She'd already scored the first senior goal of her international career during these qualifiers (she has five in nine at Under-21 Level), and it took until the eighty-eighth minute for the second. It ultimately proved to be Starblaydia's winner, a low shot that went in off the post, just inches away from the fingertips of a non-existant goalkeeper; Zwangzug, of course, play with eleven outfield players.

Lubii was buried under a pile of players as they celebrated the biggest upset of this qualification group so far. One feared for her safety as, though she's taller than average for a female footballer, being crushed by the combined bulk of Stefan Hinkonnen, Leandro Perheira and a host of other players is not something one would wish on anybody.

Starblaydia are still fourth in Group Six, behind Lovisa purely on their head-to-head result, a 2-1 victory for the Cup of Harmony Champions (Lovisa win). "We need eight points from the twelve available if we even want a hope of qualifying," Betanii Marrones said, "Draws or better against the ones above us, and two victories against those below us." Of the remaining matches, one would think that the Lovisa game is the most important - if Starblaydia can level up or even overturn the head-to-head result against Lovisa then their superior goal difference can come into play. Starblaydia have scored the the third-highest amount of goals, and conceded the third-lowest. Surely third place can be their reward for a hard-fought Qualification campaign?

Final Score from Foundation Road:
Starblaydia 2 - 1 Zwangzug
(Mora 41, Lubii 88) - (Vanderpent 17)

Bazalonia

11-02-2008, 14:04

Banco Econômico 0-3 Verona Inc
Dallas International Enterprises 0-3 Globo Multimídia

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Verona Inc 3 3 0 0 6 1 5 9
2 Globo Multimídia 2 1 1 0 4 1 3 4
3 Bostopian Tourist Board 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
4 Banco Econômico 3 0 1 2 3 7 -4 1
5 Dallas International Enterprises 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0

With the 3rd matchday it was clear Verona Inc. was going to be the favourite.

Ariddia

11-02-2008, 15:38

Ariddia qualifies

The Rouge-et-Noirs have cruised through the qualifying stages, in spite of initial concerns regarding the compatibility of the team with a coach from the Archregimancy. Fr. Innocent was born and raised in Ariddia, converted to the Christian Orthodox faith, and moved to the Dreamed Realm for a career as a monk and footballer. He played for the Archregimancy’s national side, then returned home to coach the Rouge-et-Noirs. He replaced Jane Sanderson, who retired and went on to coach Jeruselem. The friendly encounter between the Ariddian Isles and Jeruselem prior to the Cup was therefore much anticipated for a number of reasons. It was the first test for a predominantly (albeit not exclusively) atheist and agnostic team working with a monk as coach; it was also the first time Sanderson coached a team playing against the Rouge-et-Noirs. And then there was the fact that Ariddian-born Flak Sho (no relation to former Rouge-et-Noir star Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/ke_sho.html), nor to former West Ariddian president Banita Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/banita_sho.html)) was playing for Jeruselem.

The result was a convincing 4-0 win on home ground for the Ariddians.

“I have to say, working with Fr. Innocent is very interesting,” Ariddian captain Jeremy Isaacs said. “He’s an Ariddian, so he understands us and the way we think, but he’s also a monk, and that makes him a bit mysterious to most of us. We’ve got a good working relation going. And clearly it’s working. He seems to think that faith and prayer could help us, but he’s also pragmatic.”

At the issue of its matchday 10 encounter with Green wombat, Ariddia has now qualified, alongside Az-cz. Jamilah Shahrour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/jamilah_shahrour.html) scored twice in the first seventeen minutes, followed by Jean-Charles Thomas and Wendy Wu to give the Rouge-et-Noirs an indomitable 4-0 lead by half-time. The wombats fought back and narrowed the gap through William Diehl in the 67th minute, but to the Ariddians that was ultimately immaterial. They were through to the final stages of the World Cup, for the twelth consecutive time. They had scored 37 goals in ten games, and conceded only 7.

The match was held in SportOn! Stadium in Aqeyr (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/aqeyr.html), West Ariddia – the first time a Rouge-et-Noirs match has been held in that State. It gave the PDSRA players an opportunity to experience the differences in their neighbouring land’s society.

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/1028/aqeyrnightsmmf7.jpg
Aqeyr. Capital of one of the richest countries on the planet. A sprawling metropolis, and a vibrant centre of world commerce.

http://img82.imageshack.us/img82/1430/citycanalsmbv0.jpg
Aqeyr is a city unlike any in the PDSRA.

“They have these amazing shopping centres,” Ariddian captain Jeremy Isaacs said. “Whole streets of huge hypermarkets and busy shops. You can really feel you’re in a consumer society. It’s a bit dizzying. And advertisements, everywhere, flashing at you! They’ve even got adverts on TV, and in the newspapers. And on the radio.”

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/9596/escalatorssmpp6.jpg
Inside one of Aqeyr’s busiest hypermarkets.

Most impressive, Isaacs said, was the West Ariddian people’s attitude towards the team.
“They get a lot more excited about celebrities here than we do in the PDSRA,” he said. “We’ve got some really excited fans here! Especially Simon [Brine], since he’s actually West Ariddian. He’s their national sports hero. They have his portrait on advertisement boards.”

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/5541/supporters2tbdda4.jpg
West Ariddian fans waited to meet Simon Brine and the Rouge-et-Noirs.

The Rouge-et-Noirs are now preparing to complete the qualifying stages.

“It’s not something we’ll be taking lightly,” Isaacs said. “We respect our opponents, even if these matches aren’t going to change the outcome for us. We’ll put every effort into playing them. We’re not going to insult our opponents by not taking our final games seriously.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 4-1 Green wombat http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/green_wombat.png

Sorthern Northland

11-02-2008, 16:05

Host: "Well the final whistle just gone here in Castrograd, a Kang Kan-Kang goal in the last minute getting a three all draw for the Sortherners. Miquelinho scored twice early in the first half to put Sel Appa in the lead at half-time, but the Sortherners came out stronger with two quick fire goals at the start of the second half from Ben O'Bagels and Jing Mao bringing the scores level. But with five minutes to go Nikole Barr scored from the penalty spot following a bad tackle in the box from Ivar Wrighton that lead to a mass brawl which sure SN subs Gregory Pinoc and Diago Maran sent off along with Colin Patette for the Sel Appans and then Kang of course getting a late late equaliser to share the points. Today we have three religious figures with me for some reason to discuss the game. First up is Father Jack from the Saggy Island Catholic Church."

Fr. Jack: "ARSE!"

Host: "Erm welcome to the show Father. Second up we have Bob Rodney from the Rastafari movement."

Bob: "Aight man, you want some of da ganja and ting to relax man?"

Host: "Er no, no thanks Bob and welcome to the show. Finally we have Pastor Felts from the Swinedon Baptist Church, welcome to the show Pastor."

Felts: "God hates Sorthern Northland."

Host: "Er right so let's have a lot of the game a three three draw, a good result or not?"

Fr. Jack: "DRINK!"

Host: "Yeah I agree, I think the players deserve a drink after that performance. Pastor what are your thoughts on the result."

Felts: "God hates football."

Host: "And why do you say that?"

Felts: "Football is a fag enabling game."

Host: "What the fuck? How do you light a cigarette from football."

Felts: "Not a cigarette, you fag. Gays, God hates gays."

Host: "Erm I'm going to have to warm you that we don't accept homophobia here at SNTV."

Felts: "God hates the fag enablers SNTV."

Host: "Right your an idiot, Bob Rodney, you've not spoken yet, why do you think we didn't win today's game?"

Bob: "The players, you could see it in their eyes, they weren't relaxed enough."

Host: "Ok and why was that?"

Felts: "God hates Rastas."

Host: "I was asking Bob, not you Mr Felts."

Bob: "Well it was obvious to me that they hadn't prayed to Jah before the game or taken a puff of the ganja."

Host: "Erm ok, and the Sel Appans were maybe not as good as expected Father?"

Fr. Jack: "ARSE!"

Host: "Well unfortunately the producers want me to ask you another question Pastor so what did you think of the Sel Appans?"

Felts: "God hates Sel Appans."

Host: "Is there anything God doesn't hate?"

Felts: "Me and the Swinedon Baptist Church and our followers."

Hosts: "Anything else?"

Felts: "No, God hates all the non-believers and sinners and fags and fag enablers, they will all go to Hell when judgement day comes."

Host: "Say anything homophobic or offensive to anyone again Pastor and I'm going to have to ask you to leave. So what about Ben O'Bagels performance?"

Felts: "God hates Ben O'Bagels."

Host: "Let me guess, he's a fag enabler?"

Felts: "Yes, during his presidency, the dirty fags received more rights than ever before, he will rot in Hell for his support of anal sex."

Host: "Right your a prick, fuck off."

Felts: "No problem, everyone here will go to Hell and I woudn't want to be in such fag enabling company. God hates Catholics, God hates Rastas, God hates fags, God hates SNTV, God hates Sorthern Northland and Mr. Host God hates you."

Host: "Fuck off before I do something I'll regret."

*Pastor Felts is dragged off stage by security.

Bob: "Man that fool is trippin, he need to have a puff of the green, calm his nerves down."

Fr. Jack: "FECK!"

Host: "You know what? I can't do this any more, this isn't even a religious country so why have we got three religious guests on instead of people who know something about football."

Bob: "Hey, hey, hey man, here take a puff on this. It'll calm you down, take you to the Zion of Jah."

*The host takes of a puff of the joint offered to him.

Host: "Woo man, I never noticed how corrupt this world is before, screw Babylon."

Bob: "Yeah, see now you getting it man."

Host: "Well that's all for this show, thanks for watching, hey Bob man this ganja is some Irie stuff man, you get anymore."

Bob: "Yeah I think I got some somewhere, I'll just have a look."

Host: "Irie man, irie. Oh and before I go, thanks to Bob Rodney and Father Jack for not being absolute dickheads like that wasteman Pastor Felts. Thanks guys."

Fr. Jack: "GIRLS!"

Beer Served Here

11-02-2008, 16:07

Beer Served Here Shuts Out Manilla Island
Win Eliminates Manilla Island From Contention

Beer Served Here kept its slim hopes of qualifying for the World Cup by defeating Manilla Island 2-0 in matchday 10 of the World Cup Qualifiers.

Powered by two second half goals by striker Fabio Restivo, Beer Served Here gained on all the squads ahead of them in the points standings as the top four teams in the group all played to draws.

"The win is a real shot in the arm for our qualifying hopes," said team manager Bill Krabonchanski. "A win tomorrow over Ad'ihan and we are sitting at five points out of third place with three matches to play."

Beer Served Here still most likely needs to sweep the final four matches of qualifying to have a prayer at sniffing the World Cup, but with the close result in the last meeting between Beer Served Here and Ad'ihan, the squad feels good about their chances in the immediate future.

For his part, Restivo feels good about helping Beer Served Here get back in the win collumn. With his goals at the 55th and 73rd minutes, he buried Manilla Island's hopes at qualifying in the back of the net.

"I wasn't thinking about eliminating Manilla Island, just about helping us get closer to the World Cup," said Restivo after the game.

As far as the Group 7 points standings go, five squads remain in contention for qualifying for the World Cup. Bazalonia remains at the top with 25 points, followed by Sorthern Northland and Ad'ihan with 22 each. Sel Appa is in fourth with 18 and Beer Served Here in fifth with 13. Eliminated are Dino's Pizza with 9 points, Manilla Island with 6 and Carcim with 0.

The Archregimancy

11-02-2008, 16:55

OOC - D'oh; wrong nation. This is, of course, an Alasdair I Frosticus RP, and should count as such in all bonuses, please. Thanks, and apologies for the error.

THE SUPPORTER ASKS FORGIVENESS BECAUSE OF HIS MANY MOODS

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

IF this importunate heart trouble your peace
With words lighter than air,
Or hopes that in mere hoping flicker and cease;
Crumple your chants through despair;
And cover your lips with odorous twilight and say,
'O supporters of white or gold teams!
Supporters, watching through the change of night and day,
Your murmuring and longing came
In this gold-marked city loud with singing of old
In dove-grey Dreamed lands;
From supporters' banners, fold upon white or gold fold,
Supporters wrought with glimmering hands;
That saw young Cilleng hover with hope-torn face
Above the Imperial defence;
And shot from the hidden desolate place
Where Comneno dived and died,
And watched the net signal Vephrall take a 2-1 lead;
And still murmur and long:
O piteous Hearts, changing till change be dead
In a tumultuous song:
And cover the pale blossoms of your breast
With your dim heavy hair,
For troubled with a sigh for all things longing for rest
Ducaso's goal ends the twilight there
And earns the 2-2 draw.

Az-cz

11-02-2008, 17:00

Juxt-Pat was not happy. He had just gotten in the TV ratings for the Candelaria and Marquez match and they were outwatched by Survidol. For the first time in the history of Az-czid football a football game had fewer viewers than anything other than a traditional Az-czid sporting event. He couldn't believe it. So he called in one of his assistants to discuss it.

"Have you seen these ratings reports? Horrible."

"Yes, I've seen them. What seems to be the problem sir?"

This only incensed Juxt-Pat further. "What seems to be the problem?" he shouted back. "The problem is that we were out drawn by Survidol. You've seen these reports and you don't see the problem?"

"Well, sir," the assistant began trying to calm down Juxt-Pat "we were talking about a very special episode of Survidol. It was the striptease challenge, sir. And there are some good looking contestants on that show."

"We don't wear clothes. Yes I'm aware there were some kind of sex act prize, but it's not like pornography is a big deal around here. I don't see why that would be enough to outdraw us."

"Well, they did have to do the stripteases while navigating their self-built wooden rafts down class a stretch of river that included some class four rapids. You do have to admit that's pretty damned impressive."

Juxt-Pat's rage continued to grow. "Are you honestly defending this? You're not telling me you watched it too?"

"No sir. I watched the game. I knew I'd like to watch that episode of Survidol more than once, so I recorded it."

"Alright, enough already. Let's get to what's important. How can we get back our top spot?"

"I've got an idea sir, but I don't think you're going to like it."

"What's that?"

"Advertising."

Juxt-Pat looked at him confused. "But we already advertise. I don't know why that would be a problem."

"No, sir, what we do are announcements and public service advertisements. What I'm talking about is actual advertisements."

"I'm still not following you."

"Commercials and things with the purpose of getting people to come to and watch the soccer games."

Juxt-Pat thought that idea over, but he wasn't really pleased with it. "But that's so low and crass. It's really unbecoming of an entity that is as direct a reprensentation of Az-cz as there is."

"But Survidol does it."

"We are not Survidol."

"No, but we are in the same business of providing entertainment for the citizenry of Az-cz. Yes, we're a more dignified form of entertainment, but we're entertainment just the same."

"Still if we start advertising won't that lower us in the eyes of the public?"

"Maybe in the eyes of a few, but they'll understand I think. And if it works to keep the seats filled and gets us back to the most viewed product in the land, isn't it worth it?"

"I guess you're right. Get some people together on coming up with some advertisements, but let's try to keep them tasteful, ok?"

Candelaria And Marquez

11-02-2008, 18:11

Tom Redway, the occasional Candelaria And Marquez defender, sucked thoughtfully on his orange.

The term ‘Christing arseholes’ isn’t found outside the Candelarias (I checked on google. That was a mistake), which is a pity because it is eminently suitable for occasions such as this, when you find yourself three-one down at half-time to a bunch of gn… guh-nuh…. nnnn…

Gnomes. There. He’d said it. He was twenty-six, and all grown up now, and Father Christmas had long since been sacrificed on the funeral pyre of Reason alongside the Easter Bunny, Yule Goat, Tooth Fairy and the National Tortini Day Hamster. He’d never needed to grow out of gnomes and elves and other assorted fair folk, on account of having been born with male genitalia; but believing in all those things for the first time had taken a bit of work.

He yawned. It was gone midnight; the CAMAFA having decided under no pressure at all whatsoever from any outside sources that the biggest game for years – against the back-to-back world champions – would be an ‘evening’ game under the Millerman Sheppard Stadium’s suspiciously poor floodlights. There’d also been two very early goals, which admittedly hadn’t been planned but had at least convinced a sizeable chunk of the viewing audience not only at home but in the stadium as well to call it a day. All the kids had to get up bright and early for a day spent doing quadratic equations in preparation for a life spent screwing the caps onto tubes of toothpaste, while Candelariasian adults don’t on the whole like to be awake much beyond quarter to one or so if they can help it.

That meant that the only other problem was making sure the gn…. n… the fans of Az-cz didn’t mingle too much with the locals and start telling them things, but this had been pretty much avoided by the simple expedient of directing them towards the Prince Albert; the extensive if unfortunately named pub used on Holy Road. If they got them bladdered quickly enough the gno… n… Az-czzers wouldn’t notice that they had been mingling with a bunch of actors until gone eleven, by which time they’d all be safely tucked away in the stadium.

Tom looked upon this, and saw that it was good. He wasn’t entirely sure why just yet, but clearly it was important. As Benji and the others had explained; normal Candelariasians would never be able to cope with the truth. He could, more or less, but then he was a footballer. You could hardly call him normal.

(Most Candelariasians like italics. Tom thought in them.)

But three-one. At half time. Champions or no champions, that wasn’t great. Donners (manager Lloyd Donnelly) wasn’t throwing teacups this time though, not like after the Endmile game. They were playing against Az-cz after all, without Headers (Ben Head, the suspended holding midfielder), Ozzy (O’Sullivan Caras, the injured veteran midfielder), Iggy (Ignacio Vélez, the injured top scorer) and Wildey (Lorenzo De Wilde, the suspended central defender. Candelariasian footballers came very much from the British school of nicknames), and being three-one down was no shame, he insisted. They’d done pretty well just to score a goal in fact with the Gno… the Robbers on this form; Pio (Holger Pi, the diminutive forward) having found the back of the net on a breakaway on his first start in ages.

Instead, the old manager clasped his hands together as if in prayer and nodded at nothing in particular. “Boys… I’m not going to say that was brilliant, because you know it wasn’t. We let them play. We didn’t get at ‘em. The e… the tall one up front? Redders, Benj, you allowed him too much space. And that’s the same with all of you. You’re giving them room to play, you’re not closing them down. Harrying them. Drawing them into fowls. Don’t be too tentative. They’re stocky little buggers, so put your foot in if you need to. Connor, yeah? It takes a lot to bring one of ‘em down. If you need to give Bn-Ct or whoever the chop, just do it. Now… Just hang on a minute.” Donnelly turned away and brought out a ghetto blaster, shoved a cassette inside and pressed play. The squad was treated to a deafening, orchestral version of O, Sweet Nation.

Candelariasians not being an especially patriotic people, this had all the socio-political resonance of Remember You’re a Womble. But that was Donnelly all over, as far as Tom was concerned. William and Ozzy – not that Ozzy, the other Ozzy, but not that other Ozzy, the other one – and Matt and Goocho and the other veterans of his 2nd Di Bradini Cup-winning team hung on his every word still but…

Well, they were the problem. Words. Tom couldn’t help but respect everything that the manager had done in the past, of course, but these days Donnelly reminded the defender of a C&M Idol contestant. The sort that clearly had great voices, that undoubtedly sounded the part; but what they were singing was sounds. Very pretty sounds, sure, but they might as well have been singing in Swahili or Russian or Nord-Brutlandese for all it made any difference. They weren’t singing words. That was what Donnelly seemed like these days. He had the sheepskin and he talked a good game, but it didn’t really seem to mean anything.

Tom didn’t try and think on it too hard. No-one else seemed to see it, and they were getting results even so. Az-cz would qualify if they held on to the win, but it surely wouldn’t be long before C&M did they same; not when their remaining games were against a country that barely still existed after the tsunami, a country that maintained its football team didn’t exist, and a country that, actually, didn’t exist itself any more. And Wavispa, whoever the fuck they were.

Donnelly had paced round to the corner of the dressing room where the strikers congregated. Tom quietly took his vibrating mobile out of a bag. “hA Tom, U wer amazn lst nyt. Do I git a repEt sessN b4 I hav 2 go bak 2 Mil-bax? luv Ma-Gl xxx” he muttered to himself as he read tentatively. He shrugged and deleted the message before any of his team-mates could see.

Yeah, they were gn…gn…n… small people. Gn… Gnomes. He got that. He knew that.

But he didn’t have to accept it. Not just yet.

__________________

Its… Uh. Just gone about… ooh, it’s about half four, I suppose. You’re watching TTO. Coming up next, the tangential* subplot continues its merry way towards the now-traditional unsatisfying ending.

*Like the Lady Boys of Bangkok, possibly.

The answer to ‘Just how long shall I let you live?’ turned out to be ‘at least three hours, after we’ve got some amusingly invasive frisking out the way’. Sukie had been stripped, had every orifice checked to make sure she wasn’t hiding a bomb of some sort, and had several teeth extracted for reasons she never quite got clear*. Bedecked in a suitably orange boiler suit, she was left in a cell to chew on the bloody lumps of cotton wool where her wisdom teeth should have been. Since Sukie shared with the author quite severe Bambakomallophobia she wasn’t feeling especially happy about it all.

The final indignity was being forced to share a room with Mckenna Newton, a fate that no sentient life-form deserves. The ghastly woman had attempted to prod her for information, on the basis that she was a Pacitalian spy or assassin or something. She’d protested her innocence as best she could, but what could she say? The truth, she suspected, wouldn’t fit in with Newton’s world view. She recognised the woman now as the Modern Liberal’s flog-em-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives-they-don’t-know-they’re-born Shadow Education Spokesperson in her world; a slightly plump but disconcertingly attractive young woman who was seemingly destined to take another step up the command ladder once Robyn Morton won the election in May, and a nailed-on future President some time after that. Sukie couldn’t see it, but the country’s political commentators had long been all over her like a rash.

After an interval of time long enough for Sukie to stop counting how long it had been – not that time meant much to her these days anyway – the same two guards/agents/security bods removed her from the cold cell and frogmarched her down another utterly unremarkable corridor.

They reached a door, and one of the men knocked politely. Sukie could hear annoyed, squeaky whisperings coming from the other room, most along the lines of ‘Do you think this is wise, sir?’ and ‘Do you really think this is wise, sir?’.

‘Sir’ apparently thought ‘it’ was, for Sukie was soon pushed into the room. There were another three figures there, one being Mckenna Newton. On the far right stood a man whose extensive red beard would have been the most remarkable thing about him were he not barely two feet tall. They flanked a snappily-dressed and vaguely oriental-looking man who was evidently Sir, judging by the way he was scowling at kneeling-Warwick-Davies.

“I’ve been the subject of four assassination attempts already,” Sir remarked to the room in general. He turned to Sukie. “So I can assure you I’m not even remotely jumpy. More flattered that the Pacitalians consider me so vital to the war effort. Or are you after Walter here? Or Mckenna? Or just gathering intel? I heard you met our svarts…”

“Yegth,” Sukie ventured. “Bud um nut Pasthidadidan!”

“What then? Lamoni? Hamptonshire? Kingdom of England? I’m sure the special forces of the Alliance have a book going on who gets me first.”

“I can assure you I’m ad Candederiadian ath thoo…” Much to the horror of the assembled, she carefully removed the lumps of cotton wool and dropped them to the floor. “I’m as Candelariasian as you are… It’s just a little complicated… Sir? Forgive me, I don’t know who you are…”

The little man scoffed shrilly. “The woman’s mocking you, sir. Does it matter where she’s from? I’ll have her rem–”

“No thank you, Walter. Let’s hear her out. I’m President Samuel Fu, Miss…?”

“Rohaert. It… probably doesn’t matter how it’s spelt, actually. Um, look. The thing is, I’m really not supposed to be here.”

“Besides the obvious, would you like to clarify that?”

“I’m from an alternate reality. Or something. I think. Two days ago the overwhelming bulk of the Candelariasian people had no idea that elves or gnomes or… or whatever you are, Mr…?”

“Minister for War Walter Johann,” the little man told her stoutly. “I’m a Hütchen.”

“Right, or them. I mean, we had some living here, and a few hundred svarts, but nothing like this number. And certainly not in positions of power. And we weren’t at war with anyone, hadn’t been since 1918 I don’t think. And you certainly weren’t President, I’m afraid. And I existed, which is more than can be said for here. I can’t find my name in the phone book, certainly. And I don’t know why I’m here or how but… I know something’s wrong. I can’t shake the feeling I’m here for a reason.”

The customary awkward pause followed. Being an English-speaking people however, the Candelariasians can’t bear silences of more than fifteen seconds and rely on someone to mutter ‘Here we all are then, like birds in the wilderness’ or casually remark on the weather less they start to dig their fingernails into the backs of their hands.

“This is piffle,” Newton said flatly after seventeen seconds.

“Perhaps,” Fu agreed. “Are there a great many other things different, would you say, Miss Roheart?”

“Rohaert. Um, well… The Unionists are currently in power where I’m from. You’re a member of the opposition,” she said, grinning almost imperceptibly at a put-out looking Mckenna. “Lyndon Hernández is an important minister… That’s why I came to him, you see. None of this is his fault, he was just being pleasant… And to be honest there’s not much else, I mean even new buildings and train lines and stuff have been built… correctly, if you see what I mean, which is just weird… Oh, there is one other thing…”

“Hm?”

“The football’s all wrong.”

“Are they square where you come from?” Newton asked snidely.

“No. I mean international football. Where I come from, we’d only been playing for six years and that was with time dilation technology. In real-time it’s apparently been just a matter of months. I guess you use it here to, but if I’ve done my maths right you’ve been playing since the sixties. And… Well, I’ve had cause to have to pay attention to international football lately, and I haven’t heard of any of these players. Or a whole load of the countries, for that matter. And we’re certainly not hosting the bloody thing… Which, by the way, is that a great idea to do in the middle of a war? And. Um. You’re doing a lot of looking without actually saying anything… Could someone interrupt, please, my mouth hurts.”

The three politicians were exchanging nervous glances. The President coughed. “So… Uh, when do you think our two… timelines, if you will, diverged?”

“Based on what Hernández told me earlier, I’d suggest about 1968, although why so many other things have worked out normally is beyond me…”

“The start of the Gnomic wars. I wonder what went different in your timeline?”

“Well, that, actually. We never had any ‘Gnomic Wars’. There was an attack on Gordon Bay by the Ifewa – although most people didn’t know that at the time, and still don’t. Or didn’t. We had to hold them off long enough for the elves to arrive and save our fats. There were no gnomes involved. I don’t think so, anyway…”

“Well, there we are then. Here, we were hosting a football match against Az-cz at the precise time the attack occurred. We, well my father actually, was able to convince the Az-cz players to convince their government to attempt to, as you say, save our fats. I suppose they were a little more obvious about it than your elves, and it just became impossible for the Clarke government to keep it all hushed up any more…”

“Fu…” muttered Sukie, rolling the name around her mouth like so much blood-socked cotton wool “Is that as in Benji?!”

“Yes, of course. It was his impassioned speech to the Az-czzers that convinced them to assist us. He went down as a true Candelariasian hero then, long before he got the captain’s arm-band…”

From their vastly different heights, Newton and Johann were exchanging rolled eyes.

Fu continued: “I can’t stress just how important that day was for this country and her people. For the sworld, in fact. Rebuilding wasn’t easy, but from that day on Candelaria And Marquez were able to take their rightful place among the pre-eminent nations of the sworld.” An orchestral variation on a theme of O, Sweet Nation seemed to well up all around them, and Sukie swore for years later** that she could see the two-circle-and-an-ovular-thing emerging out of thin air and fluttering behind the President. “Thanks to the work of our great Liberal leaders we became a multicultural, multiracial and multispeciesial beacon for the sworlds. A model for a thousand and one nations the length and breadth of the galaxy. We –”

Johann, who had clearly been ignoring much of this and thinking very deeply. “You did say ‘time dilation technology’, didn’t you?” he interrupted.

Sukie blinked. “Uh, yeah. The ‘Devices’.” She made air quotes. “I’ve never seen any as it goes… I don’t think, but we’ve used them for a good few months now. I think it’s really… weird, personally, but even the proles seem pretty comfortable with it. I’m guessing you must’ve used them for a lot longer here, to have somehow forced Benji Fu and co back that far in time… Please, you’re doing it again, someone interrupt me for heaven’s sake.”

“As it happens, we’ve only recently started using a Device,” Fu told her.

“Why? If you don’t need it for football?”

“War. The military capabilities are immense… We, um…”

“Um?”

The President glanced at his associates. “We’re slightly concerned that we may have done something wrong… I, um, don’t really want to unnecessarily worry anyone at this stage, least of all me, but I rather think we might have torn a massive hole through the fabric of space and time, thus rendering a distinct possibility that our universe might be about to implode.”

“Oh. Right. That’s probably not a positive development, is it?”

Johann looked at her sadly. “I feel like my house has been burned down and a wagon wheel left in front of it,” he explained.

Fu put a sympathetic hand on the crestfallen sprite’s shoulder. “We’re all pretty upset about it,” he translated.

*This is a literary device to assure the reader that the lead character will eventually emerge from this mess fine and dandy.

**Whoop, there it is again. Really annoying, don’t you think?

Daehanjeiguk

11-02-2008, 18:11

Sports Inquiry - "Sports Review! Finally!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) 4-0 (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

Televised Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Ze9ZyeMOU&feature=related)

MBC apologizes to our non-Korean speaking crowd. We also apologize to any reference to another country known in fictitious cults as "The Great Han Republic", the "Premier League", "Turkmenistan", or anyone named "Gwak Taeheui", "Seol Gihyeon", or "Pak Jiseong".

Goal Scorers:
8 - Jeong Jihun
4 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Baek Jihun, Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Taeshan

11-02-2008, 21:36

You know those days were you go against a less strong team. Well today was one of them for th Purple Knights. They played komekong for the second time in qualifying. The knights would leave Komekong victourious, but it was with vain. The team in front of the knights also won so the knights need to win probally three of the next 4 games to qualify. Those games aginst bettia, vephrall and the Holy Empireand the lackluster Hopeless wanderers teams are unlikely for the taes to win.(cept Hope)So don't expect your knights in a meaningful game in a couple weeks.

Acapais

11-02-2008, 22:59

World Cup Qualifying – MD10

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Loutra oreas Elenis http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/loutra_oreas_elenis.png
2:0 (2:0)

Match Report:
Soban Lane, Holliday, Acapais – The twelth match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against Loutra oreas Elenis and ended in a 2-0 win for the home side on Friday night. The win marks the third clean sheet for keeper Paul Junxton in four matches.

Two goals in three minutes was all Acapais needed to secure a win against bottom ranked Loutra oreas Elenis. Subbed in early, Rex Agitail connected with a header off a set-piece from Osman. The captain hit a blaster free kick tapped by Paroe in the 25th.

The Acapan media now claim that they are improving there set-piece plays. The AFA responded by saying, “Yes they would say that after they saw two set-piece goals in tonight’s match. We earned goals when we needed to earn them and we got the win; it is as simple as that.”

Nick Daniels was injured early on in the first half and replaced by Rex Agitril who scored the match’s first goal.

The win leaves Acapais in fifth place in group five and eight points from a qualification spot.

Scoring:
Acapais – Rex Agitril (Al Vick Osman) 22
Acapais – James Fronberry (Henry Paroe) 25

Booking:

Acapais Starting Lineup:
Paul Junxton (GK); Bradly Sample, Nick Daniels (Rex Agitril 15), Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Jason Wellington, Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, James Fronberry (C), Al Vick Osman; Jose Castro (Dave Lugini 71)

Next Match:
vs Solenial

Acapais Starters: Paul Junxton (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Pablo, Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, James Fronberry (C), Al Vick Osman; Jose Castro
Available Subs: Hunchman O'Hare, Tyler Martin, Jason Wellington, Benjamin Nelson, Dave Lugini

Injuries/Supensions:
Nick Daniels – Bruised Shoulder (Doubtful)

Acapais Goal Scorers:
4 - Jose Castro
4 – James Fronberry
3 – Dave Lugini
2 – Al Vick Osman
2 – Henry Paroe
1 – Pablo
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Rex Agitril

Acapais Assists Leaders:
4 – James Fronberry
4 – Henry Paroe
4 – Al Vick Osman
2 – Pablo
1 – Derek Sample
1 – Dave Lugini
1 - Jose Castro

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Nick Daniels
2 – Bradly Sample
2 – Derek Sample
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zachary McKellar
1 – Pablo
1 – Jose Castro
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Pablo
1 – Benjamin Nelson

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

Dancougar

12-02-2008, 03:27

The field was quiet. But it wouldn't be for long. In a few days time, people from all over the country were coming to see this. Word had spread outside of Helmut about what these crazy kids and their do... er, professor were up to. They too had learned of the strange world of international football, and of its patron saints. And while Dancougar was not a religious country by any means, there were very few shindigs quite like this one.

"We have a shiteload of rubber chickens left," Russ said, looking over a clipboard. He surveyed the field and handed the board off to the professor for a quick calculation.

"Ze volume ees goot," he said. "Ve heff all ve nid."

"Let's not forget the fire, dude," Peter said, flipping to the next page of the board. "We're going to need to wire this all up before we bring in the cluckers. And the ramps are going to get built next week..."

"How the hell did we get all this, anyway?" asked Russ. "I thought the whole reason we wrote to Bleeding Obvious was because we couldn't put this stuff together ourselves."

"I heff... ze connections," von Steuben said with a smile.

"He's a professor," Peter translated. "Half of his job is finding free money to play with."

"Fair enough, but I'm sure we're going to violate a few thousand local safety ordnances," Russ continued, glancing at the pad, then at the field. "I mean, it will be totally cool when it happens."

"It'll be more than cool," said Peter, eyes twinkling. "It'll be a complete show of admiration and respect. A message to Margaret telling her, 'Hello, we're Dancougar. We're new, but we're bringing it.' And hey, I bet it'll get a lot of positive Youtube reviews."

"Valient as always," Russ sighed. This was their ultimate gamble for the Vephrall game and beyond. It would probably be too late by then. But everything was proceeding smoothly. Almost TOO smoothly...

Up in the bleachers, the solitary man from before kept watch with keen interest. "Thayll rilly doo aht?" he said. "I kinna balieve it... Sharly shill ignar aht. Parhaps we should stop 'em new?"

Elsewhere

"Your majesty, remember the man you sent to investigate those strange reports out of Helmut? He's reported back." The aide handed King Daniel an envelope.

King Daniel opened it, removed a telegram, and glanced over it. "Oh, the boys who came up with the Horrible Hand-Towels. I think they honestly believe it can help us."

"But sire, don't you think it's going too far?"

"And who might say that? It's just a couple of chickens," replied the king.

"Some groups have petitioned that you..."

King Daniel's eyes narrowed and his mood changed completely. "Interest groups? In Dancougar? Not on my watch." He walked towards the hall's exit and his aide followed for his orders. "Tell Rod just to observe them, and I might even join the festivities if time permits. For now, though, I have other matters to attend to..."

New Manhattan

12-02-2008, 03:52

In Socialist Ariddia, Matchday 11 scorinates you. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13443072&postcount=13) (scores are up)

Jeruselem

12-02-2008, 04:09

Dear Peter Jeffers

Hi, it's been real busy. You know being a host on THE FOOTBALL LIFE is hard work. When I was weather girl, they just put stuff on screen and I read it. This live stuff is so different! This thinking on spot stuff is really hard. I don't how my relatives do it. They just grab a microphone and start talking like it's easy. For me, I get headaches thinking too much.

Princess Jacinta can talk talk talk and talk. It's so hard to catch up with her. I don't understand how Dazza's half of the family produces so many talky people. My half of the family don't like to talk a lot, only when needed.

Princess Jacinta isn't as grumpy as Princess Kate err Queen Kate. When the team lose, she gets grumpy but I think that's just the Dazza part of our family. Can't work out why Jacinta can sing and others can't. Scooter told me, Jacinta has a different father. Means Dazza isn't fussy about who fathers her kids.

I see Bostopia are doing alright. It's a bit hard to watch the Bostopia games when you're playing too and don't have time to watch replays.

Kara Kool doesn't like Polish people! I don't know why. To think of it, neither does Princess Jacinta.

I feel kinda old with all these kids in the team. The Jeruselem team is funny ... everyone is either French, Jewish or related to the Dallas family!

The assistant coach Rocky Pointy Stick is nice to me, he doesn't call me Dopey like all my other relatives. It's funny he's my dead sister Rashina husband and brother of Queen Kate at the same time.

That's it ... I can't think of much else. Oh yes, I lost Princess Jacinta's DVD collection in Monkland. She wasn't very happy about it all as it has some funny stuff! Err, dirty stuff with naked people. I don't she's going lend me her stuff anymore. Pity, she's got a lot of good stuff you'd like.

Oh, I had someone spellcheck this for me. I keep on misspelling the Princess's name.

Love
XXX

Hifkie Dallas

Taeshan

12-02-2008, 04:40

In yet another unsuprising game in taeshan todat th purple knights failed in there attempts to conquer the bettian team. Zeke scored th only knights goal in the 34th minute. Next weeks games pits th knights against teams such as the veprallians the holy empireans and the wanderers of hopeless sc. The unglorious knights will have to win all 3 games to qualify.

Hopeless SC

12-02-2008, 05:14

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Your team's string of points in 6 of their last 7 matches would be impressive for a team in its 2nd World Cup except for one tiny, yet ever so important detail...5 of those matches were draws, including the most recent match your team played. Your team will need to find some offense to ever have any hope of having any success in the World Cup.

Grades for Vephrall match:
Effort: C
Control: D
Offense: N/A
Defense: B
Overall: C-

Lesson Your Team Learned: A solid effort against a good team results in being more competitive than you maybe should have been.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: Moderate

Sel Appa

12-02-2008, 05:29

Despite Big Win, Turtles Still Worried
A huge 6-1 win over Carcim at home gave a much-needed 3 points and a boost in goal difference. However, Sel Appa still remains in fourth place. They are only two points behind Ad'ihan and well ahead of their nearest competitor: Beer Served Here. The Turtles remain seven points behind first place Bazalonia, but still have three matches left to make up this gap. They'd need to win all three or win two and draw one--and then best Bazalonia on tiebreakers--as long as Bazalonia loses all three matches. Also, no other team can go above 28 points.

A jump from fourth to first would be a great boost for Sel Appa. Their focus, however, should be on qualifying. Second place is probably the best they can realistically do, but place is only for bragging rights. As long as the team qualifies, that is all that matters. In the World Cup Finals, the Turtles will have a fresh start to turn things around and can cruise on through the Group Stage and then the Knockouts--hopefully all the way to the Finals and then the Title. It has been speculated that a World Cup win is the only prerequisite remaining for Sel Appa to put up a bid for the World Cup itself.

The Turtles should focus on their next game against Bazalonia. This match is similar in importance to the second World Cup 32 Qualification match against Qutar. It was widely cited to be the determiner in a qualification deadlock between the two nations. This match will make or nearly break Sel Appa's hopes of qualifying in its tenth World Cup. A win would be an enormous boost that has the double effect of giving Sel Appa 3 points and a loss for a nation tabled above it. A draw would lock Sel Appa out of first place, but would not dash hopes of qualifying. A loss would greatly diminish hopes in this tense qualification stage for our team to qualify. Good luck to the Turtles!

Dancougar

12-02-2008, 05:35

ANNOUNCER: This... is Sportscenter!
KENNETH: Dancougar has been a feeble opponent on the road, but against familiar foes Komekong, can the Wings scrape together a win and stay alive in Group B? With teams falling left and right, see if the group leaders could punch their ticket in games against the rest of the pack. It's Sportscenter, now!
(Two second highlight clips all strung together! Da na na, da na na.)
SCOTTY: Sportscenter, keeping it real and bringing you all the latest scores and highlights. I'm Scotty Furr, along Kenneth Prime.
KENNETH: World Cup qualifiers, things are winding down and teams are clinging to life. Dancougar... one of them. To Komekong we go.

(Highlights roll as they voice over.)
KENNETH: Komekong no stranger to the Black Wings, who have a pair of 2-0 wins against their fellow first-timers. Pat French saying before the game, "Our goal right now is to finish on a high note. We will not take our opponents lightly, since we know how important it is to be confident going into our matches against the group leaders." A concession of sorts, not exactly the right frame of mind to be in, although in truth, an impossible streak of four wins would probably STILL not be enough.
SCOTTY: Dancougar bringing the heat at the beginning, minute six, Hideo Ikeda. He's heard a lot of criticism, sweeps it aside... and the ball wide. Hits the post with this effort, tried to curl it around the defender. Nice action early on, get the traveling fans into it.
KENNETH: Minute fourteen, Komekong trying to get back into it. Corner kick, and Hawkins punches it out, rebound, and Hawkins! Big ups to keep the ball out of the net. Good thing, too, Saegusa was beat, take a look at the late run that only Hawkins picked up.
SCOTTY: Fast forward to minute twenty one. Cale working on the left. Fake, pulls it back to Leyton. Leyton leaves it off for Akira Morimoto, and Morrrr~rrr~rrr~rrimoto! The LASER! Road goals in two consecutive games, something is up with the Black Wings, and they lead one-nil.
KENNETH: Wings keeping up the pressure, minute thirty nine now, Morimoto lines up over the dead ball...
ANNOUNCER: Morimoto, sizes up the wall. Twenty three yards out. The run, the curl, and the keeper DIIIIIIIIVES.... GOAL! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!! Morimoto, a pair for the winger, for the first time in a long time, the Wing offense is clicking!
KENNETH: Two-nil on Akira Morimoto's second goal, the away fans love it.

(Screen inset - Morimoto after the game)
MORIMOTO: It just felt like we had a little more time on the ball, a little more freedom to move around. And you know, I thought I had a chance, I felt like I could hit it.

(Back to full screen highlights)
SCOTTY: Second half, now, Komekong with one more quality chance, minute sixty one. Bringing on some fresh legs on offense, shot on goal, and Hawkins with the diving save, punches it wide. You know, when he isn't facing a shot every three minutes, he does all right. Sixty eighth, clear run down the side for Komekong, the cross, dangerous... not. Hawkins snags it. And they don't get through. It ends two-nil, first road win of the tournament for the Wings.

(Locker room)
TRAVERS: We just had to suck it up and play hard. It's getting really hard to keep up, the pace of the game is unreal. We got to play at our speed tonight, which helped, but we have to turn it around the try to stay alive next game.

(Studio)
KENNETH: So the Black Wings took care of their business, picking up three points, but what about the guys they're chasing? Holy Empire with a chance to put the Wings away, and to do it, they have to get past Kalmykstan...

Casari

12-02-2008, 06:05

"Okay, gentlemen. Today, our duty is to do something cruel to the visitor's locker room. Maybe with paint." Hill said, walking into the Local Home Improvement Superstore (tm) with some various assembled workers who were unable to resist her orders.

"Just paint? We could do something really mean, like add a few extra heaters, or take out the hot water heater, or-"

"No, they're onto us like that after the last time. What if we did something to the floor?"

"But what? It's hard to mess with a floor." one of the lackeys said, looking around as they began wandering up and down the aisle.

"That and if we do to much to it, we'll have to pay for new carpet to cover what we did."

"We do have spare carpet from the time we tried to grow mice in there, so that's no concern. The real question is what can we do that we haven't done before?"

"Hmmmm... wire in a switch to turn the sprinkler system on and off?"

"Good, but impractical, particularly because it'd ruin the room."

"I still think we could do something with the floor." One said, promptly running into Hill, who had frozen while looking down one aisle.

"Idea."

---

The Visitors' locker room looked a bit different without carpet, but work was progressing steadily. One was mixing the concrete, while others were slowly forming bumps on the floor, letting the concrete dry. "I hope this works."

"Me too, it'll be a bastard to come back and scrape all of this off." Hill said, finishing the last bump and standing up. "How long does it take to set? Can we put the carpet back in?"

"A few hours, it'll take a while longer to cure, though."

"Well, we have to get the carpet in at some point, or else we'll be rather screwed. And I don't want to have to fix this later."

"Well, how much later?"

"Next RP, probably."

---

In a few days, the carpet was properly replaced and it was hard to tell that there was anything wrong with the floor- until you hit a low spot and jammed your leg a bit.

"Aye, this is rather good." Hill said. "Just enough to piss you off."

"Indeed that."

"We're sure it's not going to do anything like melt, are we?"

"Nope, it'll stay."

Hill looked around and slowly started to frown. "It's not that much, is it?"

"Well, it's something."

Hill sighed. "We better put a valve on the fire sprinklers, just to be sure."

Dancougar

12-02-2008, 06:44

Flashbulbs went off throughout the stands. Four walls had gone up on the field, creating a giant pool. It was filled with rubber chickens. Feet deep. Every last one they could get out of those Bleeding Obvious crates. A pair of ramps flanked the chicken pool, creating a massive 120 yard jump. On the far end of the field was a badass-looking motorcycle with all the fixins. And, of course, strapped to the seat was an actual chicken in a rubber suit.

Peter looked at the control panel. There were two Shiny Red Buttons. The first one would activate the cycle's engine, and it would careen down a track they had constructed. At full speed, it would jump the vat of chickens. As soon as it hit the air, he had to hit the next button to trigger the pyrotechnics. Chickens would explode row after row, all around as the motorcycle careened through the air. The timing had to be perfect so every last chicken was blown sky high when the cycle hit the dirt and completed the highly choreographed sacrifice.

King Daniel, in plain clothes, watched from the sidelines with Roddy and a few other aides. "This certainly is a bit much, and I'm not quite sure what it has to do with football," he said.

"Aye, yer~rr majesty, tis a strrr~rrange warrr~rrld, this," Roddy replied.

"Ladies...dies..dies... and...and...and gentlemen...men...men..." The loudspeaker came to life. There was a loud squeak as the audio crew made some on the fly adjustments. "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are proud to present the wildest pep rally in Dancougar history." A cheer went up from the assembled. "We will also attempt to set world records for longest motorcycle jump by a chicken, and most chickens jumped by another chicken." A cheer. Flashbulbs.

"You ready, boys?" asked Peter, his open palms suspended over the two buttons.

"Ve vere born ready!" declared Professor von Steuben.

"And I've got the fire department on speed dial!" responded Russ.

"Let's do this thing!" cried Peter. He pounded the first button. The motorcycle's engine roared to life. The crowd cheered as the bike shot forward, and chicken let out a terrified cluck. One hundred, one twenty, one forty... it began the ascend. Peter leaned forward, ready with the second button. "THREE... TWO... ONE... IGNITION!!!"

A thousand jaws hung limp as the bike took to the sky and the first series of explosions went off. Rubber chicken parts went flying in all directions. A wall of fire erupted and followed the bike through the air. Foot by foot, the explosions got higher, tracing the arc of the bike. It hit the apex of the jump. Then the bike descended as a roar erupted from the crowd. It was ready to land. The last explosion finished off the rubber chickens, the remnants of which now lay burning in the pool. The bike hit the second ramp and bounced violently into the air, flipping as pieces flew in all directions. A hush from the crowd.

The chicken hit the ground with what was left of the bike. Peter held his breath as a crew ran over. A few moments passed. And then... a wing in the air. A feathers up. "Aaaaaaand he's oooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaay!"

"DAMN IT! WE FAIL!"

Qazox

12-02-2008, 06:46

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 11: vs Starblaydia at Qazian Memorial Stadium in Qazox City. (102,007 a New record, breaking the one set against Az-cz during World Cup 36 qualifiers of 100,567).
QAZOX 2
Starblaydia 1

For the 4th time Starblaydia and Qazox met, and for the 4th time, it wasn't decided until the final whistle. In a technically sound match between the two teams, only 3 fouls were called and only 3 goals scored. The final goal, scored by Kallie Jaus in the 84th minute, decided it, in favor of the Pheonix. A 2-1 win and Qazox now leads Starblaydia by 4 points, with 3 matches left. Not a sure thing to clinch a World Cup berth, but the win gave the team some much needed breathing room.

Up next for the Phoenix is a trip to Wing Wang Woo. A win there along with a couple other results going the team's way, and the World Cup awaits.

SUMMARY:
Qazox: Renna Valladores (GOAL- 42')
Starblaydia: Tarquin Fullbright (Goal- 59')
Qazox: Kallie Jaus (GOAL- 84')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Tarricone- 4
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-3 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

Green wombat

12-02-2008, 06:52

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS barely stay alive with a 4-1 win over Cadarnia.

Thanks to a pair of draws involving teams in front of the Wombats, Green wombat stays alive, now only 5 points out of 3rd place, with 3 matches to go. Granted the chances are very remote, but 3 more wins, coupled with a few more draws and losses by the teams ahead, could see the wombats back in the World Cup. Claudia Bard had a good match, scoring twice.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 5
William Diehl- 4
Danica Howes- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Phillip Milligan-1

Prux

12-02-2008, 07:01

"LIVE from Pawtucket, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Pawtucket for Match 11 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. St Samuel, Live here tonight! and Coach Jonathonman has been suspended for this match, due to his violent attack on the Violitism player last week. He'll rejoin me next week."

<plays the St Samuel national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, only 5700, mostly St Samuel fans, cheers loudly for their squad!"

<Prux's national anthem plays and the crowd starts booing!">

RJ: "Not a good sign when you're booed at home"

RJ: "Prux opens by taking the ball..."

<cut to 88th minute>

RJ: "A very technically match here, as its 0-0 late in the match. Matt Victor Paulsen has it and tries to dropkick it past the St. Samuel defender.. He's taken down... MVP is down and the referee signals a penalty kick.. and OH MY DOG!!! MVP, despite a heavy limp is going to take the shot and... GOAAAAL! 1-0 Prux here late in the match! MVP, scores his 10th of the tourney, and is only 3 off 007's record!"

<END of match>

RJ: "MVP showed true guts out there! and Prux is still alive for the World Cup, and has set a new team record with its 5th qualifying victory! Up next is a trip to Fujisawan Territories, in a re-match marred by controversy over illegal weapons. See you here live next week from Fujisawan Territories."

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-10 (2-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-5
Hedge-3 (1- pk)
Henry Marks- 3
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Fujisawan Territories

12-02-2008, 07:32

Territorial Metropolitan Daily Record
Shaojin Warriors win 4-0, play smarter this time against Violitism

Key mistakes the Fujisawan Territories made in their last bout against one man Violitism were avoided this time around, and the Territories achieved total domination. Seven minutes in, fan favorite Zenki Sakurai, also the Territories’ top scorer added another to his total, putting the Territories up 1-0. A little further down the road, even the thus far ineffective Naozane Watari got a piece of the pie, scoring ion the twenty-second minute. Takuji Motoyoshi added to the lead in the fifty-sixth minute and Zenki Sakurai iced the cake in the seventy-second.

“It’s hard to be impressed winning like this against a team of one, but last time we played them, we only scored once, so we’re satisfied with the improvement. Noko [Fujimaki] played well,” Coach Distefano said after the match.

It was the biggest win for the Fujisawan Territories since beating Cadarnia 3-0 in the Baptism of Fire. Coach Distefano wasn’t impressed with that win either, citing the fact that the Territories scored more in that match than Cadarnia did in the entire Baptism of Fire and the Territories had been thrashed by Dancougar 6-1 just two games prior.

Up next, the Fujisawan Territories face Prux in Crosscom Global Arena. Prosecutors in the Hirotaki Shibukji case have said that they are giving Shibukji a chance to board the plane back to Prux along with the Prux team following the Territories’ match at Crosscom, and if he doesn’t, they will stick with the charges.

Bostopia

12-02-2008, 12:49

“Since when has a foul in that 'box' lead to a penalty kick?”

“The referee told you, Mr. G. H. Wills, that it has been that was for as long as the World Cup has been around at least.”

“Could we not ask for the match to be re-played on the fact that we were not given the opportunity to appoint an umpire? And secondly, the umpires were running up and down the side of the field with flags! Most distracting.”

“They call them 'linesman' or 'assistant referees', sir, so there is no way of us winning an appeal.”

“Blast to it! Things were much simpler in our time!”

“That they were. In-fact, while in Bostopia, I had a street urchin research on the 'inter-net'”

“Some sort of railway network, Mr. J. Price?”

“No my dear fellow, it is like a series of large books containing data and scandalous pictures of women all in one place.”

“Scandalous?”

“Yes old boy, there are pictures of women on the internet...showing their ankles...”

“By God! Has the country gone to pot?”

“It would appear so. But yes, the young urchin found the rules of the inaugural Association Football League season in the archives. He gave me a print of them. Now, where are they?”

Mr. J. Price opened his briefcase, taking out his pipe, smoking tobacco, and a box of matches, before finding a sheet of paper.

“Association Football Members' Handbook

Page 7 - 1880/1881 Official Rules and Regulations

Agreed by the secretaries of the member clubs of the Association Football Body on the 24th January 1880, at 76 Heartwick Road, Fort Boston.

1. The maximum length of the ground shall be 200 yards, the maximum breadth shall be 100 yards, the length and breadth shall be marked off with flags; and the goal shall be defined by two upright posts, eight yards apart, without any tape or bar across them.

2. A toss for goals shall take place, and the game shall be commenced by a place kick from the centre of the ground by the side losing the toss for goals; the other side shall not approach within 10 yards of the ball until it is kicked off.

3. After a goal is won, the losing side shall be entitled to kick off.

4. No player may stand within six paces of the kicker when he is kicking off.

5. No player may stand within six paces of the ball when a free-kick is being taken.

6. A goal shall be won when the ball passes between the goal-posts and under the crossbar.

7. When the ball is in touch, an opposite player will throw the ball back into the field of play using a throw in which the ball has travelled from behind the thrower's head. The thrower must keep both feet on the ground, and throw the ball in with two hands.

8. In the case of the ball going behind the goals but not between the goal-posts and under the crossbar, either a goal-kick is awarded if an attacking player touched the ball last, or a corner if a defending player touched the ball last.

9. No player shall run with the ball in his hands.

10. A player shall not throw the ball nor pass it to another except in the case of the goalkeeper, who shall be allowed to use his hands for the protection of his goal.

11. No player shall carry or knock on the ball; nor shall any player spare the goalkeeper handle the ball under any pretence whatever.

12. The goalkeeper may only handle the ball in his own half of the pitch, though he may not run with it.

13. Neither tripping nor hacking shall be allowed, and no player shall use his hands to hold or push his adversary.

14. A player shall not be allowed to throw the ball or pass it to another with his hands.

15. No player shall be allowed to take the ball from the ground with his hands under any pretence whatever while it is in play.

16. No player shall be allowed to wear projecting nails, iron plates, or gutta-percha on the soles or heels of his boots. "Studs" may be used as a means of providing grip.

17. Nets shall be strung up behind the goal-posts so that it can be made clear whether or not the ball has passed between the goal-posts and under the crossbar.

18. A player shall be on-side when three members of the opposing team are nearer to their own-goal line than him. If there are not three players and the player touches the ball, he shall be deemed off-side, and a free kick awarded from the spot where the player touched the ball. A player cannot be offside in his own half, or at goal-kicks or corner kicks. A player cannot be offside from a throw-in.

19. Play is to commence at 3 p.m. on a Saturday, then at 3:45 p.m. there will be a break of 15 minutes, with the match re-commencing at 4 p.m. then continuing until 4:45 p.m.

20. Each side is to consist of 11 players, one of whom is the goalkeeper.

21. Substitutes may only be made when a player is injured and a replacement needed. If a replacement is not available, the opposition team is obliged to withdraw a player from their side to equalise the numbers.

22. The kits of the two teams playing must differentiate in colour so it is clear for which side a player is representing. The goalkeepers kit colour(s) must also differentiate from that of their own team, so it is clear they are the goalkeepers.

23. The players shorts must cover the knees.

24. There will be one referee on the field of play, and two umpires - one appointed by each team - outside of the playing area to officiate the game. These may decide whether to dismiss a player from the game for persistent fouling, or other offences such as dangerous play and unsportsmanlike conduct.

25. In a league game, the team with the majority of the goals at 4:45 p.m. wins, and is awarded 2 points. In the case of a tie, each team receives 1 point. In a cup-tie, the team with the majority of the goals at 4:45 p.m. wins. In the event of a tied-game at 4:45 p.m., the game is continued, until a goal is scored, and the team now with the majority of the goals, is declared the winner.”

“We each played each other twice over the season, and then there was the Association Challenge Cup.”

“Apparently called the Football Association Cup now, according to the same lad. Kept blathering on about how Fort Boston F.C. won the first league but lost in the final to Ranton Rovers, who were his favourite team.”

“Did you put him right?”

“Indeed I did, Mr. G. H. Wills, I told him it was The Fort Boston Football Club who won the first league, and then subsequently lost to the Fort Boston Ranton Football Club in the Association Challenge Cup final after you scored at twenty-five minutes past four. He gave me a rather odd look, called me a 'strangely dressed pea-dough' and then ran off.”

“No respect, these youngsters. If only there were a way to bring things back to how they were.”

Mr. G. H. Wills and Mr. J. Price sighed, though Mr. F. Hughes remained relatively upbeat.

“Mr. F. Hughes, you look relatively upbeat, sir.”

“Why yes I am, Mr. G. H. Wills, for I have an idea.”

“Do tell us as soon as Mr. J. Price has gotten some paper and his ink and quill out of his briefcase.”

“Of course, sir.”

Mr. J. Price was now primed for writing.

“Well, I thought to myself, 'If we were brought here, could we not bring everyone here that we need to?'”

“Good gracious! That's an impeccably brilliant idea! But what about the equipment?”

“We could bring the equipment makers too. The modern world still used the same materials as us.”

“Sir, we need to plan our escapades. May I suggest a smoke on the verandah during discussions?”

“Yes you may sir, what a jolly good idea.”

Beer Served Here

12-02-2008, 13:00

Beer Served Here, Ad'ihan Fit to be Tied
Draw Helps Beer Served Here to Fight Another Day in Qualifiers

Beer Served Here and Ad'ihan played to a 2-2 draw in Matchday 11 of World Cup qualifying, causing Beer Served Here's slim hopes to qualify for the World Cup to hang by a thread.

To qualify, Beer Served Here must win out in the remaining three matches. Beer Served Here also must hope that Ad'ihan loses out, Sel Appa loses or draws at least one match and Beer Served Here bests Ad'ihan on goal differential. The final task may be the toughest as Ad'ihan has a +15 differential to Beer Served Here's -8.

"Right now we are only thinking about what we can control," said team manager Bill Krabonchanski. "What we can control is our play on the field. We've been improving by leaps and bounds in the last few matches. While we were hoping for a better result tonight, we'll take the point and fight another day against Dino's Pizza."

Tonight's match is definitely winnable for Beer Served Here, but they are not forgetting the last meeting between the two squads, a 2-2 draw that started a slump where Beer Served Here lost three of their next four matches.

"We have some unfinished business to take care of," said defender Oden Samuelsen. "We didn't play to our capabilities the first time against Dino's Pizza and we hope to get a better result in the next meeting."

In the match, Beer Served Here was once again led by striker Fabio Restivo who had a goal in the 21st minute and an assist in the 63rd minute. Rico Hernandez scored the second goal for Beer Served Here. Goaltender Steve Beck recorded 14 saves in the match.

For Ad'ihan, goals were scored by midfielder Jake Holmes in the 17th minute and Julian D'Abbo in the 49th minute.

Kura-Pelland

12-02-2008, 13:28

Kura-Pelland have secured qualification - their first successful passage through the qualification groups - with no fewer than three games to spare, and gained revenge for World Cup 38 to boot, as they defeated Quakmybush 2-1 in an enthralling game at Shanvley Stadium.

Quakmybush took the lead in the tenth minute when a speculative free-kick deflected off James Williams and looped away from Stephen Hill's flailing left hand, but that merely served to galvanise the home side, Jose Cazarez clipping the outside of the post with a thumping 25-yard drive three minutes later and forcing a point-blank save from a header soon after that.

The equaliser was almost inevitable, and came in the 32nd minute following neat link-up play between Iain Belling and Xavier Le Monde. The two C&M-based midfielders played a fine one-two that took a defender out of play, leaving Fedde Beattis alone in the box to turn in a Belling low cross.

Both sides created chances late in the first half, but the scores remained level until four minutes into the second, when Le Monde danced past two defenders before easing the ball into the path of Cazarez, who kept his cool and slotted the ball into the bottom corner.

From then on, Kura-Pelland were dominant, but two late counter-attacks forced excellent saves out of Stephen Hill, and the full-time whistle was a welcome sound for most of the 95,000-strong crowd. The result leaves Kura-Pelland top of the group and in an unassailable position with three games to go. Quakmybush and Milchama also seem sure to qualify, and only Prux from this group seem likely to receive a Cup of Harmony invite.

'Ultimately, it is RP-inin that determines the difficulty of the group,' mused sports reporter Michael Bartlett. 'All the groups are of approximately equal difficulty on paper, but if you're facing teams without RP-inin - an entirely legal and positively welcome drug which increases team chemistry, creativity and energy - you soon notice the difference. We cannot be complacent though. Almost every team at the World Cup will have taken RP-inin, some in extremely high doses. We are particularly concerned about Candelaria And Marquez - not only do they have a real desire to beat us, but they are taking a heady mixture of RP-inin and Verbosita, which is believed to be an excellent supplement to RP-inin.'

Bartlett refused to comment on plans to ease the restrictions on RP-inin doses in Taeshan.

Starblaydia

12-02-2008, 14:04

-
Lovisa Must Lose
Starblaydia looking for maximum points

A lot of things are taken for granted in the footballing world - for instance Starblaydia are taking for granted the fact that they will gain six points from their last two matches against Minilla Island West and Wing Wang Woo, the two teams that have already been eliminated from the chance of progression to the World Cup proper. Ignoring the fact that Starblaydia might not win both matches, they simply have one aim to qualify: beat Lovisa.

The Cup of Harmony champions are the speedbump to Starblaydia's entry in World Cup 39's Finals. Currently in fourth place, just a single point behind the Lovisans, Starblaydia can leapfrog into the Qualification zone with a win. With two further, already assumed, wins, they will be unstoppable on their qualification drive. Should they draw or, at worst, lose the next match, then they would require Lovisa to slip up in one of their final two matches - it's possible, but unlikely considering they have to play Samcoa and Minilla Island West.

Three wins and they're in - anything else and it may well be a second successive trip to the Cup of Harmony for the white and purples.

Had Starblaydia beaten Qazox, of course, this picture would be looking a lot rosier. Unfortunately, Tarquin Fullbright's fifth goal of the qualifiers - his ninth if you include the friendly match against Krytenia - was not enough to secure even a point, as a Qazoxian winner from Kallie Jaus with around five minutes to go sealed Starblaydia's fate, and kept them in fourth place in the Group.

Finishing one place outside the qualification zone would be agony for Starblaydia, as the cliche 'so near, yet so far' comes easily to mind.

Candelaria And Marquez

12-02-2008, 17:47

The Gassett Candelariasian Online>Sport>Football>Newswires

C&M ease to routine win Lloyd Donnelly’s Big Blues took another major step towards assuring a second World Cup qualification last night with a four-nil drubbing of Gweridijongya at the Estadio Arrigo Nacional.

The away side were clearly distracting by events outside of football, but put up an impressive show in the first half in which C&M struggled to create chances. Crowd, players and management alike were becoming slightly impatient with the home side’s failure to break down poor opposition, but a breakthrough finally came on the half hour in a move that said much for Donnelly’s flowing style. Right-back Walter Jordan, in his first start under the current manager, began it, passing inside to Matteo Corradini who played the ball forward to Ignacio Vélez. The MarquezOW star making his fortieth start for his country timed his run to perfection to avoid the lunge of the Gweridijongya left-back and slip the ball across goal for the waiting Ramiro Novo to turn home.

C&M initially took things easy in the second half, keen to preserve energy against a side intently on avoiding embarrassment and ahead of a potentially difficult trip to Wavispa, but the goals soon started flowing as the Gweridijongya heads dropped. Corradini scored a rare goal with a snap shot, before Jos Cornelisse was clipped in the area and Vélez stepped up to take the penalty.

In the dying seconds, substitute Joe Cunningham went on a solo run and tucked the ball around the ‘keeper for his fourth senior goal and C&M’s fourth of the game, once again equalling the Big Blues’ best ever scoreline following 4-0 wins against Northern Bettia and Nire and Nire in this group, and Sorthern Northland several years ago.

C&M rely on poor results for Endmile over the next couple of games to be assured of early qualification, but a trip to the UCS or the Eesseff remains in their own hands. They would follow the lead of other teams to qualify thus far, including former champions Ariddia, Az-cz and Squornshelous, Cup dark horses Tynelia and impressively easy qualifications from thee Vircais duo.

Gov faces Gweridijongya dilemma The Unionists face “the last great immigration crises of the Anderson presidency”, according to the Modern Liberal’s Asylum & Immigration spokesman Union Fairfax MP. Speaking on TTO’s Evening News last night he condemned as “typically barmy” the government’s decision to grant asylum as environmental refugees to an estimated five and a half thousand Gweridijongyans who were able to travel to the Candelarias on temporary visas granted to allow their attendance at the international football match between their home country and C&M in Arrigo. Nothing has been heard from internal Gweridijongyan sources for some hours, leading first to widespread speculation and then to internationally-agreed confirmation that the country had ‘ceased’; a phenomenon that does not necessarily imply its destruction but would never the less make returning to the nation effectively impossible.

Fairfax however shrugged off their assertions stating that, “there is no reason at this stage to suppose that Gweridijongya won’t re-emerge at some point in the near future – after the points when these six thousand have been granted rights to indefinitely remain in the Candelarias.” He added that C&M had no responsibility towards Atlantian Oceanian refugees, complaining that, “there are at least twenty-five countries in that region that would open their arms to these people.” He later defended the MLP against accusations of cold-heartedness arguing that, “governments in this country, of any party, have always opened their arms to individuals from across the world who arrive in these islands with no place else to go. Likewise, citizens of fellow Rushmori nations fleeing genuine persecution are welcome here, as are anyone else who has no series criminal and who is guaranteed paid work by a Candelariasian citizen or registered company. The Gweridijongyans do not fit into those categories. The government simply has to accept that it’s made a mistake, hold its collective nose, and deport these people one by one.”

The government’s position was defending by the Social Democratic & Green Party, for whom Christi Morgan-Spencer MP condemned the stance of the SD&GP’s opposition partners. “The Gweridijongyans are not seeking a hand-out,” she argued on this morning’s ¡Buenos Dias! show on TV1. “Some clearly wish to remain and become loyal, hard-working Candelariasian citizens, others merely need our help until such times as they can return home. In the spirit of international solidarity, we have no choice but to help them. And if we were to deport them, I’d have to ask Mr. Fairfax exactly where he supposes we’re supposed to deport them to.”

The Office of Asylum & Immigration however issued a statement in the last few hours denying that any decision had yet been made. The Home Office’s website added that the government nor the Asylum & Immigration Tribunal could not comment on individual cases, but that any “recent, high-profile arrivals” would be treated in the same manner as any other claimants.

A further complication is that the Gweridijongya national football team have left without a home base from where to play their matches. Should the members of their playing squad and travelling fans choose to leave C&M they may give up any opportunity to return, thus throwing into doubt the forthcoming trip to Wavispa, as well as ‘home’ games with Endmile and Northern Bettia.

Williamson released As has been widely anticipated for some weeks, C&M national team assistant manager Adam Williamson has left his role by mutual consent after an official approach from the United Trilan Football Club. Williamson had been a protégé of current Big Blues manager Lloyd Donnelly during the latter stages of his playing career at Albrecht FC, before becoming a coach and later manager at Candelaria Arsenal, guiding the Lavange club to the second division title. After narrowly maintaining the C.A.L’s top-flight status, Williamson left the club early last season to join Turks’ Club; but suffered a difficult season and departed some weeks before the Khatib-Gassett outfit had been assured of staying up.

He is widely credited however with building the C.A.L team which went on to be unlikely title contenders last year, and his reputation has been done no damage at all by the poor form of the team so far this season under his successor Trev George. Williamson went on to coach the C&M under-21 side to a second successive Di Bradini Cup win, but has also left this role to return to club management with the Kura-Pellandi giants.

Another of Donnelly’s favourites, former Cathedral City striker Mick Lugo, has been promoted to the senior set-up while Rod Orión has been appointed national team assistant boss.

CMJ warns over youth SED use A shocking report in this week’s edition of the Candelarias Medical Journal, issued this morning, claims that thousands of Candelariasian youths, some as young as thirteen, are regularly using dangerously high amounts of Score Enhancing Drugs in a bid to emulate their sporting heroes.

The year-long study from a team at the AU’s Mathieu’s College has revealed that the substances known as RP-inin and Verbosita, the use of which is prohibited in the Candelarias without a prescription from a senior medical practitioner, have become readily available on Candelariasian streets, and their main purchasers are teenagers from relatively well-healed backgrounds. The study claims that adolescents are injecting quantities of both drugs far beyond the recommended dosage, and could be risking their health, education and long-term job prospects.

Of particular concern is the use of Verbosita, a more controversial drug that the common RP-inin that remains banned in many countries – indeed, the possession of even the smallest quantity is believed to be illegal across the Q Continuum with lengthy prison sentences for those found guilty of its use or dealing.

The CMJ implored the government to begin an immediate investigation into how the two drugs have been made available on the black market so rapidly, and called upon parents and teachers to pay extra attention to suspicious behaviour among adolescents in their care. Tell-tale signs include hyperactivity, uncharacteristic wholesomeness, a pallid complexion and loss of appetite. Regular use of high-strength Verbosita has been associated in the past with inhibiting bone development and leading to premature aging.

_____________________

Somewhere…

“She could murder every man, woman, child and faerie in the country, sir! We haven’t got the faintest clue who she really is, we can’t just let her do what she wants!”

No, you haven’t missed anything. I took the liberty of cutting out a chunk of conversation and a couple of bathroom breaks. It helps to keep everything flowing along nicely.

“I am here, you know,” Sukie Rohaert (A before E) muttered in Minister for Homeland Security Mckenna Newton’s general direction.

“To be fair, Mckenna, I can’t see how whatever she could do to the Device would result in anything but the destruction of the entire universe,” Minister for War Walter Johann squeaked. “Or something like that, anyway. At the very least, if she takes out the Candelarias she’ll take out the rest of the AO too. Pacitalia very much included.”

“The rest of the AO…” Sukie muttered. “Incidentally, does Pacitalia have a state broadcaster?”

“No.” Newton told her.

“Really? Not even in this freaky alternate universe forward slash future?”

“No!”

“Right. Glad we’ve cleared that up.” She shrugged and turned to face President Fu who had kept his cards close to his chest these last few minutes. “I still don’t understand how you can be sure about the whole ‘tearing a hole in the fabric of space and time’ thingy.”

“The holes that are currently appearing in the fabric of space and time are a bit of a giveaway, Miss Rohaert. One was reported in Liverpool England just yesterday. Wiped out half of Orean. And there’s been some strange reports coming in from across the sworlds lately.”

“What, rains of frogs, that sort of thing?”

“Rains of nuclear missiles, mostly. Bearing C&M flags on them. We don’t even have nukes. And whole nations who’ve never even heard of us dropping to their feet and worshipping at the alter of Fu. It’s quite embarrassing, really,” Fu told her, sounding not especially embarrassed at all.

“Can you be sure it’s your fault, though?”

“Most things seem to be, these days,” Newton muttered morosely. “The UN still won’t shut up about the Sherbrooke massacres, and that was as much the Valanorans’ fault as ours. And it was, like, months ago.”

“The problem is, Miss Rohaert, I rather feel we got greedy these last few weeks. Expanding Time to allow troops to deploy that much faster, that kind of thing… We had to start… bending reality as well…”

“Is that where the svarts come in?”

“Yes. I’m afraid so. From what we know of them, you see, Devices aren’t that smart. Immensely powerful of course, I mean they can control Reality without a second thought. Once you start moving events backwards through time, anything that ceases to make sense they just… sort out. TV listing magazines, people’s memories…”

“I know, sir…”

“Well, anyway. It’s stunning. But the thing is you see, they seem to get their understanding of the worlds through the eyes of sentient beings all around them. So we thought, if we could alter their perceptions…”

“Dreams…”

“Precisely. Which didn’t work, obviously, until we had the bright idea of getting the svarts on board. With enough svarts, and enough people, and enough dreams… And the right sort of dreams, as helpfully directed by our svart community… It was enough to fool It, but… Maybe It’s not as dumb as we thought. It realised that the reality we presented didn’t stand up to too much poking. Or something… This really isn’t my forte.”

“And now you’re using all these poor people to try and, what, fool It back to normal?”

The politicians exchanged nervous glances. “Something like that, yes,” Fu admitted. “It’s not very scientific, I’ll grant you, but we’re desperate.”

“It’s not very pleasant, either. Are they volunteers?”

“No… Look, we tried using convicted criminals at first but their dreams proved pretty hard for the svarts to control… Truly, Ms. Rohaert, if you think you can have more luck with them… I’m open to all suggestions.”

“This is inane,” Newton hissed. “We don’t know her from Adam, she’ll –”

“I’ve made my call, Mckenna,” Fu snapped.

Self-important twit, Sukie thought to herself. Why would you trust me to pop out of nowhere and sort things out? I’d bet anything he got to be President by clinging to the coattails of his famous dad… Cute, though.

She emerged from her thoughts and nodded vaguely as the three led her into the oval room. The ridden humans had been removed, and the svarts waited patiently in a corner. The green Thing – Sukie felt the word ‘orb’ pop into her head – span gently on its plinth.

Not having the faintest clue why, she walked up to it. “Um… Hello,” she offered. The sound of Mckenna Newton rolling her eyes was clearly audible over the Device’s plinth spinnings.

Much to everyone’s surprise and Newton’s clear annoyance, the Device stopped spinning and a mouth appeared. Thoughts of Cherie Blair wafted through everyone’s mind briefly.

“I take it nobody thought of doing that?” Sukie grinned.

“No-o-o-o-t-t…. Ri-i-i-i-ght-t…” the Device said in a suitably wizened voice.

“What isn’t?”

“E-e-e-e-very-thi-i-i-ng. ”

“Right. Could you be a tad more specific?”

“Y-o-o-u. Yo-u-u-u ar-r-e wr-r-o-o-ng.”

“Ah. That was a lot more specific, thank you.”

“My-y Br-r-o-o-o-the-e-e-r-r… Coul-l-dn’t pla-a-a-ce y-o-ou… He ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a–”

“Had?”

“Thank you. He had to-o-o-o-o di-i-i-i-e…”

“What – did it… He, commit suicide or something, or…?”

“He no-o lo-o-o-nge-e-e-r-r exi-i-ste-e-e-d…”

“Because of me?”

“I-i-it is wr-r-o-o-o-ng! A-and I h-a-a-te i-i-t! ”

“Well, what can we do to help, I –”

But the mouth had already closed, and the Device had resumed its spinning. Johann, Newton and the President were looking at her desperately as she turned around.

“What?” she demanded of them, whilst knowing perfectly well what she had to do.

Az-cz

12-02-2008, 18:16

Juxt-Pat came into his office in a very good mood. The robbers had played wonderfully the night before, pulling off a 6-0 win despite resting most of the starters. With each of the three forward and midfield bench superkids putting in a brace he was quite pleased with the game the night before. However he was in for a bit of a suprise at the office.

When he got to his secretary's desk she handed him a large packet along with his regular mail.

"What's this?" he inquired of her.

"It's a preview of the planned magazine ad campaign."

"Thanks."

He took his mail and headed in to his office to take a look at the ads. While he was opposed to the idea in general he was excited to get a first look at the ads. Inside the pouch was a picture of the waving Az-czid flag superimposed on an Az-czid landscape scene with the text "As goes the football team so goes the nation" with a picture of the squad at the bottom.

Juxt-Pat called his secretary on the intercom. "Can you get the person in charge of this project in my office please."

_____________________________________________________________

<About an hour later>

A gnome in his mid-30s walked into Juxt-Pat's office.

"I've been told you wanted to see me Mr. Juxt-Pat."

"Yes Maddy-Sunahv. I've been told you're the person in charge of the advertising for the football team."

"That I am. What did you think of my work?"

"Well it's really a beautifully designed advertisement."

"Thanks, I did the graphics myself."

"And it is tasteful and respectable which I like."

"Glad to hear that."

"And it certainly makes me proud of the football team."

"That's just the image we were going for."

"There's just one problem: ARE YOU A FREAKING MORON?!?!"

"What? I thought you liked it."

"I do like it. But how do you think the average Az-czzer's going to feel about it?"

"I imagine they'll feel pride in their country and want to support the team."

"You must not know your countrymen very well. This is Az-cz not Bostopia. We don't do flag waving jingoism around here."

"What do you mean? Az-czzers love their country as much as anyone."

"We sure do. But we also love Ariddia and Bazalonia and Bettia and any number of other countries. We root for our team, but we're not mindless drones who believe any rubbish the government feeds them like those fools from Candelaria And Marquez who deny the very existence of our species. This won't fly here at all. I expect a much better product the next time around. I think you should be getting back to work."

"Understood, we'll try to come up with something better."

Juxt-Pat wondered what they'd come up with next. He wasn't optimistic.

Sorthern Northland

12-02-2008, 18:36

"Hurry up, will you? What the hell are you doing on that computer anyway?"

"Just booking some flights to Sel Appa, Acapais, Cafundéu and Daehanjiguk. Shouldn't be too long."

"Ok then and why would you want to go to any of those places?"

"The Cup of Harmony those four nations are bidding for it."

"Right two problems with that, not all four nations are going to host it and in the event we are in it, we're probably only play in one of those nations."

"Well obviously, but it's good to get the tickets while they're cheap."

"Yes and what are you going to do with the three tickets you don't need?"

"Return them and get a refund."

"You do know, you can only get twenty-five percent of the price back?"

"Oh shit, oh well I just hope we do well in the Cup of Harmony then."

"Er have you actually been following the qualifying?"

"Not much, why?"

"Well today we beat Minilla Island five two whilst Ad'ihan drew which mean we go up into second with three games left. The next round, we play Carcim in a game we should win whilst Sel Appa play Bazalonia. Now Bazalonia are three points ahead of us so if they lose and we win we draw level with them, if Sel Appa lose and we win then we go seven points ahead of them which means they won't be able to catch us up in the remaining two games."

"Right so?"

"So we're in a good position to qualify for the World Cup which mean we won't be in the Cup of Harmony."

"Oh shite, how do I cancel these bookings?"

"Too late, you've already booked them, now then let me use the computer."

"Why are you so desperate to use the computer anyway?"

"Book some flights to Valanora and the UCS for the World Cup."

"Right but if we do qualify, we're likely to go out in the first round?"

"Yeah, but it's just being there for our first finals."

"Which means we'll only be going to one of the countries the finals are being held in so why do you want tickets to both nations?"

"Oh the ticket for the nation we don't play in is for you."

Cafundeu

12-02-2008, 18:56

Alasdair I Frosticus

12-02-2008, 20:20

OOC - have only just taken my medication, so should have about 20 minutes before I'm no longer coherent enough to type... Let's see what I can fit in.

KALMYKSTAN

By
Guillermo B. Yeatses

I SAY those cheats from Kalmykstan
Did all that they could do.
They fought us to a draw,
And that was something new.

Afraid they might be beaten
Before our Emperor's fame,
They turned a trick by diving
And blackened their good name.

The perjurer stood ready
To prove their forgery true;
And scored from the white penalty spot,
And that was something new;

Bulgaroctino had to whisper it,
Being our captain true,
That the referee was full of sh*t
For allowing the Kalmyk score.

Come Alejandro, come all the troop
And cry out far and wide,
Run to the forger and his squad,
And hack their cheating hide;

Come play your bit in public
That some amends be made
By scoring one more goal for us
So that the draw is saved.

Vephrall

12-02-2008, 20:24

from today's edition of the Flaarickugger Helephon (translated from the original Vephra)

Liirosma!*

Any insomniacs in Gloem surely found a cure for their condition yesterday at Ellime Neoss. The usually vibrant Vephrall attack was nowhere to be found, and their opponents from Hopeless SC...well, they never had an attack to begin with. Ninety minutes of boredom produced a 0-0 final score, marking the first time Vephrall has failed to score since the pre-qualifying friendly against Bazalonia. But it still wasn't a loss, and so the unbeaten run now extends to an incredible ten games.

And perhaps more importantly, the team secured qualification. This marks the first time Vephrall has qualified for the World Cup without hosting it, and they have done so in style, with three matches to spare.

Match statistics:
VEPHRALL HOPELESS SC
7 Shots 4
2 On Target 1
5 Off Target 3
43% Possession 57%
5 Corners 4
15 Free Kicks 14
29 Throw-Ins 24
13 Fouls 11
6 Offsides 12
49% Pass Comp 53%
26% Cross Comp 21%
77% Tackles Won 84%
61% Headers Won 39%
1 Yellow Cards 0
0 Red Cards 0

Next is a tricky away fixture in Dancougar. All Vephrese fans planning to travel to Dancougar for the match are asked to minimize the quantity of rubber objects they may be bringing with them due to the material's use in religious ceremonies there that could possibly impact the outcome of the match. Vephrese who wish to partake in their own version of these ceremonies in order to counter the effects of the Dancougarrer** equivalent are asked to perform all such ceremonies in Vephrall in order to prevent divine confusion.

MATCH RESULT
Vephrall 0
Hopeless SC 0

* liirosma - "qualification"
** That's the Vephra adjective form of the nation's name, which I've conveniently left untranslated purely because I really don't know what the correct word in English is. :p

Cafundeu

12-02-2008, 20:55

Kura-Pelland

12-02-2008, 21:13

Kura-Pelland have offered the team from the now-nonexistent state of Gweridijongya the opportunity to base themselves on a semi-inhabited island to the west of Yarzoya, with the prospect of rehousing some of their fans elsewhere in Kura-Pelland.

It is believed that the country's skilled workers may be in demand, particularly in the high-tech centres of Fariynuff and Mambaro close to the Vephrall border.

The team's 'home' matches would take place at the Gerham Park ground in Port Yarzoya, home to Soccer League Three (OOC: fourth division) team PYFC Gerham. The ground has a capacity of 8,337. An approach for the games to be held at the home of top-of-the-Championship Yarzoya FC was rejected by the club.

Visiting fans will mostly fly into Trilan Airport, though some flights - including team flights - are set to be diverted to Yarzoya Airport.

The Archregimancy

12-02-2008, 21:16

MONASTIC PRESS RELEASE

From: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

To: Nations Participating in WC 39

Regarding: Qualification

Fellow nations: we rejoice that our long drought is over; our forty days and forty night exiled from the World Cup, our period of wandering Israelite-like in the footballing wilderness - for following our 10 victory over Scotchpinestan, BEHOLD!!!!, we have qualified.

So, on this the day where we commemorate St Meletius the Archbishop of Antioch, St Alexis the Metropolitan of Moscow and Wonderworker of All Russia, St Meletius the Archbishop of Kharkov (not to be confused with Meletius of Antioch), Venerable Mary (who was called Marinus), and her father Eugene at Alexandria, St Anthony the Patriarch of Constantinople, St Kristo the Gardener of Albania, the 9th-century Holy Icon of the Mother of God "Iveron", St Prochorus of Georgia, St Bassian of Uglich, and the Fathers and Martyrs of the Georgian Monasteries in Jerusalem (including the Martyrs Luke and Nicholas Dvali), let us give thanks for this might achievement, and prostrate ourselves before the Lord that we have avoided a third successive Cup of Harmony (fine though that tournament no doubt is).

We look forward to facing many of you in the coming tournament, where we hope to at least reach the second round. Anything beyond that will be a God-granted miracle indeed.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association +

Daehanjeiguk

12-02-2008, 21:29

Sports Inquiry - "World Cup Update!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) 4-0 (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) 0-0 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

MBC International presents this English version of Football News around the world, in lieu of the recent tirade that the previous edition was not in English.

Well, it's World Cup fever time, and people are now glued to their television sets, wondering who will make the remaining 30 spots for the World Cup. So far, a tangible list of some 8 of countries joins the crowd: Kura-Pelland from Group 1, Vephrall from Group 2, Demot and the Archregimancy from Group 3, Squornshelous from Group 4, Ariddia from Group 8, Az-cz from Group 9, and Tynelia from Group 10. In the less glamourous and impressive grouping, we've got a whole bunch of other countries that have been otherwise eliminated from any chance to compete in the World Cup: St. Samuel, Rugiero, Fujisawan Territories, and Violitism from Group 1; Hopeless SC, Kalmykstan, and Komekong from Group 2; The Pazhujeb Islands, Blouman Empire, Magnus Valerius, and Evil Polish Donors from Group 3; Algal States from Group 4; Solenial, the Supermarket, and Loutra oreas Elenis from Group 5; Wing Wang Woo and Minilla Island West from Group 6; Dinos Pizza, Minilla Island, and Carcim from Group 7; Bull_horns_rule and Cadarnia from Group 8; Jariss, Gweridijongya, and Wavispa from Group 9; and McPsychoville from Group 10.

Indeed, the majority of those teams not making qualification focused too much attention on trying to play football and not as much time trying to make their fans happy. For that they will be waiting to play football next season and their fans will still be unhappy.

We turn our attention to Group 8, where the Imperial Team visited the eliminated Bull_horns_rule team and played for 90 minutes doing nothing. The referee blew the whistle but apparently someone lost the game ball, so the players were stuck playing with a wad of paper that blew in the wind every so often. Surprisingly, the Han players demonstrated good paper control and came close to scoring a couple of times. However, the wind played a critical factor, either blowing the ball away from the goal or out of play. No cards today, as the Imperial Team racks another draw away.

In other group play, Ariddia managed to play football with Ulzaxid, scoring 5 times in as many games. Despite lackluster publications about their lustery performances, Ariddia has a great renown for excellent broadcasts that don't necessarily cater to international audiences, like the producers at MBC want us to do. Bostopia were also held to a draw away at Krytenia. However, they had a ball and managed to play on their tanks. By the way, does anyone know if Bostopia really plays football from atop tanks? Because I really don't believe these reports that I get and I'm just told to say whatever the screen tells me to say - except for now, which is all me speaking - but I'm just curious. I don't actually watch football matches, and it's just curious to me how any team that plays on tanks can play with a ball that will pop under enough pressure. If you've got the information, please call me at 72-31-45-440. If you're calling internationally, pleases use the international hotline at 52-31-43-440, extension 5559.

Anyway, back to news. In Group 9, there are reports that the Candelarian players have been fitted with uncomfortable retro style football garb, which is unsettlingly hot for any girls and unsettlingly disturbing for any guys. In Group 5, there are sparse reports of vandalism in Casari, mostly from the opposing teams who have claims of jammed feet and stubbed toes. These reports remain unsubstantiated in the Empire, owing to the fact that no teams have publicly complained of these rumors. In Group 7, alcohol was rampant at the Adihan-Beer Served Here, as incidentally the visiting team brought 4 kegs of beer with them. These reports remain unsubstantiated as this is merely conjecture by the staff at MBC International. It remained unknown whether any of the beer was consumed during the match, but with 23 young men sitting in that locker room, you've got to assume that something happened. Additionally, there are some reports that the devout and monastic monks of the Archregimancy are currently under investigation for drug abuse, as some of the letters from the Dreamed Realm have had hints of such abuse. Incidentally, the poets of the Holy Empire are under similar suspicion. Whether any of these drugs are linked to the phenomenal performance of the respective teams remains to be elucidated, but the implications are that every other team in the world will try to get their own drug stocks, if they don't already have some. Speaking of which, does the Imperial Team have their stock? I'm just curious, and again as I don't watch the matches, I wouldn't know.

Oh, and by the way, if you're wondering how a sports announcer has the liberty to say whatever he wants to say on a taped international broadcast, the editors at MBC International don't speak or understand any English, so I could call them all bastards and they wouldn't know for the life of their sons of whores what I'm saying. Although if they ever figured out what I was saying, they wouldn't fire me or anything like that because I'm the only sports announcer in 500 kilometers who can speak English.

In other news, a fire at the Gwangju train station following New Year's festivities has finally been linked to the fact that a bunch of MBC officials tried to start a fire in the train station to escape the agonizingly slow zombie horde that the Imperial Army used to force people onto trains. Defense Ministry officials have called the incident 'regrettable but a huge success nonetheless'. And that's all for your news reports!

Goal Scorers:
8 - Jeong Jihun
4 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Baek Jihun, Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Elves Security Forces

12-02-2008, 21:57

From the Valanora Express Website

Just Reward

After months of being assaulted with letters, phone calls, and e-mails from fans, the Valanora Sports Committee has given into the demands of the fans, and have called up attacking midfielder Roger Zetaback in preparation for the World Cup Proper. Zetaback, who plyes his trade in the exotic Canderlaria and Marquez, comes into the squad with the young Rose Diamond Santapa being released from the squad. Despite the budding amount of talent the young striker possesses, the upcoming tournament is one where expierence will be more important than just raw talent.

The question now becomes how does the midfielder work into the squad. Despite using three center midfielders, all those higher in the pecking order have earned their right their. So does Roger come off the bench as some fresh legs late in matches? Or is he a person you would put out there to create some favorable matchups once the draw is announced? It's going to put Webber's task at creating the right symetry and chemistry in the line up to a prime test, but if he is able to do so, this squad very well could be one of the greatest the nation has ever had. For now, we wait and speculate.

On another front, following the temporary fall of both the Assegai and Turruth Gordur governments, the VSC has deemed those territories as not up to the standards of being hosts to a WCC sanctioned event. With the safety of their guests in mind, the VSC has moved the fixtures that were supposed to take place in those countries to the more secure locations in the ESF. As a result the VSC has finalized the venues to be used for the matches that will be played within the Grand Commonwealth.

All Group E matches will be played at the Hatire Memorial (60,000) in Capri
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/chellote/ESF%20Stadiums/Capri.jpg

All Group F matches will be played at the Turmondale Grounds (43,000) in Raynor City
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/chellote/ESF%20Stadiums/RaynorCity2.jpg

All Group H matches will be played at the Angelotic Temple (71,000) in Longview
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/chellote/ESF%20Stadiums/Longview.jpg

All Group G matches will be played at the White Fortress (70,000) in Gladerial
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/chellote/ESF%20Stadiums/Gladerial.jpg

The knockout venues stadium information is listed below, unless the stadium has been used in the group stage. Please follow this Link (http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/esfmapsuburbs.pdf) for a map of the ESF.

Raynor Memorial (45,000) in Hondo
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/asia/india/chennai_nehru2.jpg

Hellgate (54,000) in Raynor City
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/south_america/brazil/goias/goiania_dourada1.jpg

Donna Cathedral (50,000) in Mar Sara
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v637/chellote/ESF%20Stadiums/MarSara.jpg

Article by Luna Santapa

Bostopia

12-02-2008, 22:35

ooc: Han, hope you don't mind this.

IC:

Kelly Firth picked up the telephone in her hotel room, dialing 001 to reach Bostopia's main switchboard.

"Hello, operator."

"Hi, I'd like to put a call through to Daehanjeiguk."

"Ok, what's the internal number you wish to call."

"52-31-43-440"

"Ok..." after a few moments, the operator came back on the line. "The number's asking for an extension, do you have one?"

"Yes, it's 5559."

"Ok, putting you through now.

"Than-"

Kelly was cut off before she got a chance to fully thank the operator, and a new voice appeared.

"You've reached MBC International. Unfortunately, a plague of zombies - "

"Zombies?" Kelly thought

"- has stopped me coming to the phone right now, please leave a message... um... after the tone. Thank you."

*beep*

"Hi, this is Kelly Firth, manager of the Bostopian National Team. Just ringing to say that we don't actually play on tanks. The only people who play on tanks are the Emperor's Own Regiment. Who... you probably know about. Just thought I'd clear that up! Love the show! Bye!"

Wentland

12-02-2008, 23:45

The Judge was getting terribly confused. "Er...let me see...YOU injuncted HIM, which means HE injuncted YOU? But you injuncted him from proceeding with the injunction which in turn was in breach of an earlier injunction against him?"

WHINGE lawyer Portia Probert confirmed the position. "The Plaintiff injuncted the Defendant and Counterplaintiff, the Plaintiff and Counterplaintiff injuncted the Plaintiff. In rem memini, as I recall."

"Err...this is terribly confusing..."

"My lord, in my submission it is simple. The Wentland team is obliged to field equal numbers of men and women. Thus far in the group it has not."

Hacker leapt to his feet. "They've had equal games."

"My lord, in the last game where the women started - against Naboobu Umbongo..."

"A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango!!!" screamed Hacker joyously.

"What?" said the Judge.

"That was not a legal comment, my lord..."

"He stuck it with the others and he danced a dainty tango!"

"Eh?"

"The rhino said I know, we'll call it Um Bongo!!"

The entire court barring two now joined in.

"Um Bongo! Um Bongo! They drink it in the Congo!!!"

The judge was totally confused by now. "What's a Congo?"

Hacker was on his feet. "Some kind of eel, your worship."

"Eel?"

"...meet again, don't know where..."

"Shut up, Mr Hacker...now, my lord..."

The judge was away. "Don't know when..."

Portia Probert thumped her legal file on the bench. "That reminds me," said the Judge, "why ARE we hearing this at a football match?"

"Because we need to decide who plays the next game!! It kicks off in half-an-hour!!"

"Oh, who are we playing?"

"Yafalonia and Bazor 2."

"Which one?"

"Eh?"

"Yafalonia, or Bazor 2?"

"They're the same one."

"Really? Oh, well, that doesn't sound fair. My order is both teams will play against both teams. That was jolly good fun."

Just then another judge stormed through the tunnel. "Stop the proceedings! That man is not a judge, but a judge imposter..."

"Oh oh, rumbled..."

The new judge grabbed the gavel as the impostor fled, leaving his wig behind, and banged it. "Get the birds out, they'll do the biz. Order, order."

And they did.

Just.

Zwangzug

13-02-2008, 00:11

Of all Zwangzug's many postsecondary institutes, the University of 102d traditionally had the second-highest levels of footballing insanity. That, however, is due fully to Professor Art Pend's position on the faculty.

Office hours saw him answer the phone. "Hello?" he greeted with artificially added comprehensibility.

"Hey," responded Kay Rigney in kind. "I need your help."

"What now?" Art groaned. "Not the football team again."

"Yes, the football team again."

"Don't you still have that template?"

"Yeah. It would be:
Lovisa 1 (Franke 58)
Zwangzug 1 (Maini 47)
for today."

"So why do you need my help?"

"I need ideas for the article."

"Why are you asking me?"

"The editors said my normal style wasn't good enough anymore."

"Do I want to know what your normal style is?"

"Defining every aspect of football jargon that might be unfamiliar to the average reader."

"So stuff like "Gary Maini's goal (the result of kicking the ball into a specific area, the point of the game being to do so more often than the opposition) came in the forty-seventh minute"?

"Yeah."

"...I don't think I can help you."

"Just give me some sort of idea."

"Let's see, what happened in the game before this?"

"Starblaydia, we lost 2-1. Well, the team did anyhow."

"So Zwangzug arguably underperformed against the older nations in the group...Something about the arrogant new team biting off more than it can chew?"

"Nah, we're not Bassabook."

"Updates on Violitism's progress?"

"There's not much."

"Something about the other games?"

"That's not bad, actually. Group Six is tied for first in most teams that haven't clinched or been eliminated: keeps things open, mathematical possibilities and all, hope remaining alive..." Kay trailed off.

Art took advantage of the pause to hang up. He glanced down at the essay he was grading, marked off a point for being overly legible, and turned the page.

Estresse Intenso

13-02-2008, 00:33

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - LATEST NEWS
The Machine in difficult situation - Pascal worried
NT still with good qualifying chances

The Landau Institute is passing by a difficult moment. The National Team has to play in the World Cup qualifiers, but without who they consider the key man (machine) of the team: the coach The Machine. After adquiring a disease which affected his mechanical parts (his body) that was caused by his human part (nobody knows what "part" is this - they just know that The Machine has human feelings thanks to his father Pascal), The Machine passed by many surgeries, and is still alive.

But the one that is trying to save him, who is also his father, is worried. "I used all my talents to try to save The Machine, but his human part is harming his mechanical parts. I don't know if he can survive in this situation. I'm trying, I swear. He can hear us, he can even speak, but is too weak to do any kind of activity. It must be painful for him, but let's have faith, (Pascal has converted to Orthodoxy thanks to the thousands of monks that live in the Institute) and he'll be back."

In related news, the Landau Institute National Team, after playing many difficult games in this World Cup qualifiers, is going to play its final games. The supporters are confident that the Institute can reach qualification, as it's only 2 points away from the 3rd place. The supporters and players are anxious to see if the Institute can qualify for another World Cup.

Krytenia

13-02-2008, 01:31

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Player, Manager, Saviour
by Rami Niblick in Emberton

ADAM Toivonen, newly-installed caretaker manager of Krytenia, has performed a miracle. A team which could only manage five points from seven games, a team beaten five-nil, five-nil and eight-nil in the last twelve months, have been turned into a crew of potential world-beaters unbeaten in four and with eight points from four games.

The secret, Toivonen says, is simple. It's a case of motivating the squad, getting them to play to the best of their abilities. But it seems more than that. Toivonen has breathed new air into the side, with himself in the driving seat. He's put Ibanez and Lucas out of the first eleven, and the side now looks like a winning team. So much so, in fact, that the thirty-one year old has been installed as the youngest ever permanent manager of the Krytenian national team.

Next up for the Aces, and for Toivinen's brave new world, are their biggest test. Ariddia have already qualified for the tournament, but they are a team of fantastic skill and ability, and Krytenia will be hard pressed to win all three points. One thing's for sure though; this does not look like the side that lost five-nil in the reverse fixture, and the Ariddians would be well-advised to avoid complacency.

-RN3

Adihan

13-02-2008, 03:54

Hollow keeps job despite stunner

Director of the AFF Pierre-André Kavan has stunned the nation in a press release by announcing that Ad'ihan national manager Dave Hollow suffered from chronic nervous problems, and that he had lied on his job application.

"The Ad'ihan Football Federation were sorely disappointed to learn of this news from Dave, but would like to give him our full backing during this crucial time of our qualification campaign and thank him for owning up to it. We have no intentions of removing Dave as manager despite this incident and we are sure that all the fans give this brilliant manager, who has led us on an eight match unbeaten run, also support him to the fullest."

Ad'ihan are currently third in Group 7, two points ahead of Sel Appa and two behind Sorthern Northland. However, of their three remaining matches two are against teams that have already been eliminated, whilst Sel Appa still have to play group leaders Bazalonia. This group will likely go down to the final matchday without any of the four teams having secured a qualification spot yet.

Hollow, who has not yet made a statement about today's revelations, is expected to named an unchanged side for the match against Minilla Island.

New Manhattan

13-02-2008, 03:54

Matchday 12 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13445950&postcount=14) are now up.

Qazox

13-02-2008, 05:09

QSPN.com WORLD CUP 39 COVERAGE

Game 12: @ Wing Wang Woo
Wing Wang Woo 1
QAZOX 1

Not the best result Qazox needed, but they still control their destiny. A 1-1 draw with Wing Wang Woo, leaves the Pheonix only 2 points ahead of 3rd place Starblaydia, and 3 points ahead of the team's next opponent Estresse Intenso. Wing Wang Woo actually controled the pacing of the match but Qazox managed to gain a much needed point anyway. Perhaps the team was looking past WWW towards the final two matches against Estresse Intenso and Zwangzug. Now the Pheonix have to win either one of those two matches, or hope the teams behind them lose.

The Estresse Intenso match, orginally scheduled for Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg, will now be held in Qazian Memorial Stadium. Tickets for the orginal venue will be honored at the gate, and the 6000 remaining tickets will go on sale at 7am the day of the match.

SUMMARY:
Wing Wang Woo: (Goal- 19')
Qazox: Anderson Tarricone (GOAL- 63')

PHEONIX GOALS
Jaus- 6
Valladores- 6
Tarricone- 5
Farmwald- 3
Huhman- 2
Cruz-Preli- 1
Jethva- 1

PHEONIX CARDS
YELLOW:
Stasinos-3 (missed the 1st E.I. Game)
Smicht-1
Shillingford-1
Merli-1
Spingler-1
Rectenwald-1
Jaus- 1
Tarricone-1
RED:
Reid Vidaca-1 (Missed the 2nd Minilla Island West Game)

Qazox

13-02-2008, 05:19

"We are here" the not-so-lonely man proclaimed, after leading his 1000 followers through a 17-day pilgrimage through the Qazoxian countryside.

"People of Qazox who truly believe, Now is the time that I can speak to you of our quest. 30 days ago, I had a vision of the future, and that future saw Qazox in utter ruins and the populace scattered to the ends of the Earth. This vision was given to me by the most Holy and Serene Joe our Holy Ox." The man said.

A murmur swelled up through the crowd and eventually they began to cry out: "Save us Joe, Joe be Praised!"

The man held up his hands for silence and after a few moments, the crowd re-quieted themselves.
He spoke again, "During this vision, the most Holy and Serene Joe told me how to save us from this future. He told me that for far too long, the Qazoxian people have abandoned his teachings, given to Hoofaran, the prophet. The only way to save our nation is to revert our ways back to the pastoral ways of our more faithful ancestors. We rely on too much technology and not on Joe. Abandon technology and Qazox will be saved!"

The crowd as one shouted "Joe be Praised!"

The man held his hands once more, and when the crowd had fallen silent, said: "This will not be an easy task for all of us. We must, through non-violence show others the errors of their technological ways. The path ahead is not an easy one, but as it says in the Holy Book of Hoofaran, Chapter 7 Verses 26 and 27: "Anything that is difficult to accompish, is made easier if one gives of one's self to Joe. His burden shall be made as light as a feather of a dove and the yoke be made lightened as of paper." I humbly request that each of you go back to your homes and preach the word of Joe. Together, our burdens will be lightened and our hopes soar as a dove!"

Bazalonia

13-02-2008, 05:23

Dallas International Enterprises 0-0 Banco Econômico
Globo Multimídia 2-3 Bostopian Tourist Board

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Verona Inc 3 3 0 0 6 1 5 9
2 Bostopian Tourist Board 3 2 0 1 7 6 1 6
3 Globo Multimídia 3 1 1 1 6 4 2 4
4 Banco Econômico 4 0 2 2 3 7 -4 2
5 Dallas International Enterprises 3 0 1 2 0 4 -4 1

Jeruselem

13-02-2008, 05:34

Flak Sho was leaving home for training when the car refused to start. He didn't have a particularly good car and today was one of those days. The old bomb was second hand and compared to the cars his girlfriend Princess Jacinta drove, not worth much.

After attempting to start it a few times , he gave up and was resigned to the fact he needed a lift to training today. He also worked out he needed a new car. He couldn't use parents car as they needed it for the business. No time to fix the car today.

A small pink convertible appeared with a number plate "BIKE 3", a sure sign his ride was here. A small brunette girl was the wheel, Jacinta Dallas. She tooted her horn which sounded more like a bike bell, and he hopped in with his training bag. The convertible speed off.

Later after training, Jacinta drove her man to car yard instead of home. He was a bit puzzled what was going on.

Flak: Say, why are we here?
Jacinta: You need some wheels, my man can't been driving around town in a pile of rusty metal. Even if you are a Jew.
Flak: You don't have to do this.
Jacinta: Relax! Remember, I've got money to burn.

The couple went shopping and Flak looked at all the fancy cars. He had rather simple taste compared to the Princess, choosing a rather boring car.

Jacinta: A budget Renault, how about something better.
Flak: No no, I'am a simple guy. I don't need to show off.
Jacinta: This one isn't very fast.
Flak: I'm not speed freak like you.

Salesman: Hello Princess, you seem to like this place. This car isn't your style!
Flak: Oh, it's for me.
Saleman: That one, I wouldn't buy it myself.
Flak: So which one?

Salesman: I think this Toyota is one. It's a faster car, and more reliable too. More stylish and good on the fuel.
Flak: Sounds good.
Salesman: I think you need a test drive to be sure.
Flak: Good idea, but anything is better than the old bomb.

<Later>

Flak turns up at home in his new car.

Mum: Nice car son! How did you pay for it?
Flak: I didn't, girlfriend did.
Mum: Hey, you're the man in the relationship. Aren't you supposed to be one in charge?
Flak: Well, yes but she had all money.

Dad: What about the old car?
Flak: It's going to the scrapyard, I'd had enough fixing it. I don't want someone to suffer with it as well.
Mum: It's nice of your girlfriend there.
Dad: You can tell she's not a Jewish girl.

Mum: That was a strange car she was driving. Very fast and very noisy.
Flak: Yes, that ... actually, it's a convertible.
Dad: Expensive?
Flak: Well, a convertible Bugati Veron ... it's not actually hers, it belongs to the Queen.

Mum: And ... wait, don't those cost a lot?
Flak: 5 million Shekels.
Mum: Five ... (faints)
Dad: Don't worry, she faints like that when we mention money.

Milchama

13-02-2008, 05:40

"So we qualified"

"That's good to hear but why does that matter?"

"Because upsets could happen, remember World Cup 29"

"That was different, Casari was hosting"

"Good point but the first step to doing well in the World Cup is to actually qualify"

"Hmmm... good point but wasn't qualification pretty much assumed?"

"Yes but it's still nice to just say we didn't fail, just look at that English team from our video game when they tried to qualify for Euro 2008."

"That was harsh."

"Yep, good thing we didn't end up like them"

"That could have led to riots"

"Weren't we supposed to start a theme by now?"

"I thought we gave up on that idea"

"Ok then nevermind"

"Thank you"

"But we should think of one for the actual World Cup"

"Fine"

"Excellent"

Prux

13-02-2008, 05:44

"LIVE from Fujisawan Territories, it's the WORLD CUP 39 Qualifiers!"

<WORLD CUP 39 theme music and video plays>

RJ: "We're here live in Fujisawan Territories for Match 12 of the qualifers for World Cup 39. It's the Prawns vs. Fujisawan Territories Live here tonight! and Coach Jonathonman has declined to join me for this match, and instead I most wholeheartedly welcome the newest member of the PWF, Hirotaka Shibukji, a Fujisawan Territories player who was brought up on attempted murder charges here for his actions in a match between these same two team, in Prux. Mr. Shibukji, welcome to Prux, and the PWF."

Hirotaka Shibukji (through a translator): "You grace me too much. I am ashamed of my actions earlier and despite my apologies to Mr. Craig Helms, he has denied me an oppertunity to atone for my actions."

RJ: "Well, Hirotaka, the PWF wrestlers don't mind the attack, they just mind apologies. Mr. Helms has told me personally, that he bares you no ill will for what happened, and in fact has offered to help train you."

HS: "I misunderstood his intent then. I graciously accept to be trained by Mr. Helms and hope to prove myself worthy in his eyes."

<plays the Prux national anthem>

RJ: "And the crowd here, of 54,059 in Olympic Park Stadium, politely claps for the Prawns!"

HS: "We respect all who do battle on the field of sport, that's why they clap, even for teams they might not like.

<Fujisawan Territories' national anthem plays and the crowd starts to bang drums and ring bells.">

RJ: "This should be a good match between these two sides, desparately trying to get into the World Cup..."

<cut to 18th to 20th minutes>

RJ: "Izukoza Yoko has made it 1-0 Fujisawan, and the crowd keeps banging away at those drums.. Hirotaka, a quick question, doesn't the drum banging get annoying after a while?"

HS: "No not really, It's a sign of pride, the louder they beat the drums, the more it seems to energize us as players, and it keeps the evil spirits away, at least they say it does."

RJ: "Neve knew that, and OH MY DOG.. it's now tied up at 1-1 as Matt Victor Paulsen just blasted a goal home from 27 yards out. It just glanced off the keeper's gloves and we're tied!"

HS: "That was a most powerful shot. I don't think that I have ever kicked one that hard. Mr. Paulsen is a force on the field. He showed it last match as well."

<END of match>

RJ: "The 1-1 draw didn't do the Prawns any favors, as Quakmybush won its match, and Prux will not qualify for the World Cup. But with only two matches left, they have a 5 point lead over St Samuel for 4th place, which will be the highest finish for the team. I'm glad we had Hirotaka Shibukji to help call this match, and he will be joining the team although he is not eligible to play, as we head back home for the home finale in Pruxton against Quakmybush. I'm Good Ol' RJ, see you next week in Pruxton!"

PRUX Goalscorers:
Matt Victor Paulsen-11 (2-pk)
Chris Jerusalem-5
Hedge-3 (1- pk)
Henry Marks- 3
James Nobel- 2
Jason Brian Layden-1
Rick Bowley-1 (pk)

Daehanjeiguk

13-02-2008, 05:47

Sports Inquiry - "足球世界高頗新闻!"

F: Demot 3-2 Daehanjeiguk
MD1: Ariddia (6) 5-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (70) Krytenia (@ Munhwa Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD3: Cadarnia (176) 0-2 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD4: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-1 (135) Bull_horns_rule (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD5: Green Wombat (64) 1-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD6: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (20) Bostopia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD7: Ulzaxid (30) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
F: Daehanjeiguk 0-1 Taeshan
MD8: Daehanjeiguk (40) 0-3 (6) Ariddia (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD9: Krytenia (70) 2-1 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD10: Daehanjeiguk (40) 4-0 (176) Cadarnia (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD11: Bull_horns_rule (135) 0-0 (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD12: Daehanjeiguk (40) 3-2 (64) Green Wombat (Seonggyeong Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 65,000)
MD13: Bostopia (20) --- (40) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Daehanjeiguk (40) --- (30) Ulzaxid (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)

MBC International reports that because of an accident to the previous speaker, we have hired a new news anchor to give all of the reports and news on football from the Han Empire. We apologize for any inconvenience brought by this change.

Announcer: *reads screen*
[今天晚上比赛以后，有很多民人在大路大喊打声。]

Uhm. Today this evening, after tournament, lot of people in streets stripping naked and crying "bloody murder" at top of lungs.

[帝国足球会跟綠袋熊衡，赢取了三比二。]

Uhm. Imperial Football Meeting with green rodent bears played match, won 3 better than 2.

[这个结果把帝国足球会放在团体队中在三地，还在对资格的争论。]

This result... uhm ... does for Imperial Football Meeting puts at rank 3 place, also for team puts contention for bigger argument.

[有很多民人想要帝国足球会不要使具有资格所以对今年的平和高頗的争论将更好地被放置。]

Uhm... (*shouts in Haneo*) Lots of people want really badly for Imperial Football Meeting to not want to do well and to get into bigger argument for this year's Peaceful Tallness because it will be better for the place to be a good host. I think.

[有谁说：]

Someone says.

[平和高頗对大韩帝国最好，因为高頗生意最好，有很多钱没有那么多的意思要是帝国足球会不在这里。]

Peaceful Tallness ... for Great Han Empire really best, because really big and tall does best business... uhm... lots of money not any more business if Empire football meeting not there.

[要不然，为什么有比赛不用国家足球会？]

Otherwise, why have tournament without National Football Meeting?

[大韓蹴球協會没说话，但是有很多民人想要别的足球会在平和高頗比赛。]

Great Han Football Organization has said nothing, but lots of people want another football meeting at Peaceful Tallness Tournament. (*yells a lot at producer, presumably curse words*)

Goal Scorers:
9 - Jeong Jihun
5 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Baek Jihun, Yi Yeongpyo
1 – Kim Donghyeon, Son Daeho, Song Jongguk, Yi Dongguk

Dancougar

13-02-2008, 05:48

ANNOUNCER: The College Gameday Postgame Show... built by Construction Hut. When it needs to get done right, hit the hut!

JAKE: And we welcome those of you who just finished watching bonus coverage of The Holy Empire's one-nil victory over Taeshan, and with that result, the three qualification spots for Group B are spoken for. Bettia, Vephrall, and The Holy Empire each getting big wins today to clinch their berths. Earlier tonight you saw the Wings fall three-nil to Vephrall, third game in a row they've been shut out at home.

DEE: And that... that I can't understand. They came into the second half of qualifying with four home games, and we thought that it would be a big help for them. They played Bettia well at home, and had been getting goals... and a complete turnaround. Now, they can only score on the road, and can't win at home. That's not a formula for success, doesn't matter who you are.

DIRK: Well, Vephrall were going to be tough no matter where the game was, and they brought pressure early. Hetag, on the wing, caused a lot of problems, feeding the ball up Sorrah and Spelaad for early goals before creating one himself after the restart. And it really comes down to the pace of the game. Against defensive teams, Taeshan and Hopeless SC, Dancougar's offense was just fast enough to be problematic. Kalmykstan and Komekong, teams with less experience, also playing at about the same speed. But when you go up against guys in the top thirty, maybe forty, and you're the new guy, completely different ballgame. We've been saying it all tournament long - these were always mismatches.

DEE: Yeah, but you still expect a little more composure in your home stadium, with the crowd behind you, and with a three game unbeaten streak. It seemed to us like the team understood the urgency, and that even if qualification was a million to one, the real challenge was to get out there and at least play solid ball and just try and win some respect. But if you're going to give up three at home against anybody, it's going to be awhile before teams take you seriously.

DIRK: That's true, Dee, but just about everyone has this happen their first time out, and understandably, since it takes some time to adjust your game to the rest of the world. Other sides out of the Baptism of Fire sides have also struggled in the middle of the pack, some with more success than others. Runers-up Bonto right around where we are right now, three wins and five draws in their group, sixth place. Yafalonia and Bazor 2, third place team, doing very well with six wins, and still very much alive for a spot in Group D. So while we certainly wish that the Wings were up there with them, Yafa have really come alive, they hadn't peaked yet when they lost to the Wings in the semifinals, and Dancougar hasn't been able to keep up.

JAKE: Well, it's still hard to call their inaugural foray into World Cup football a complete disaster. The losses have been bad, yes, but looking at who they were against, you can say that the team performed as expected there. And with a win against Taeshan, the Wings have a result against a top fifty side, which no one predicted coming in.

DEE: That's true, they have shown sparks of danger in matches, so the real test for Pat French is going to be finding guys who can keep that up throughout a campaign. It's going to take work from the ground up, better quality ball back home for everyone playing the college game, so that the talent is there.

DIRK: Yeah, and the Cup of Harmony is coming up, the Wings have a shot to get into that. It's a chance to get more reps against top teams, I don't foresee too much success there either if they get in, but in these early stages, it's just playing that counts the most. Experience is the great tiebreaker in competitions of skill, because it ultimately comes down to who can handle the pressure, who has the will to keep the motor running, and who has the confidence to play with adversity.

JAKE: Other scores coming out of Group B, as we alluded to earlier, the group leaders all getting wins. Vephrall top the table with twenty nine points. Two behind them are Bettia, who walloped Komekong five to one, now leading the group with thirty eight goals scored. And two points behind them, clinching the final spot one-nil over Taeshan, The Holy Empire, and you saw the end of that game here on DSPN. That's all the time we have, Sportscenter is next, they'll break down all the group action tonight and what it means for the upcoming tournaments. For all of us here at Gameday, I'm Jake Matthews saying good night.

Green wombat

13-02-2008, 05:53

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY BLATHER

WOMBATS Eliminated by Daehanjeiguk.

Not much more to say than that.

But I will. The team had a chance , two chances, but the Hans pressured this team too much in the end and now Green wombat will have to wait 4 more years for another chance. Diehl and Bard each had a goal, while Daehanjeiguk put in the dagger in the 87th minute.

Up next is basically 2 meaningless matches, as the team prepares to hopefully play in the 31st Cup of Harmony.

Goal Scorers:
Claudia Bard- 6
William Diehl- 5
Danica Howes- 2
Mike Sink- 1
Eva Ibrahim- 1 (pk)
Phillip Milligan-1

(OOC: Dangit Daehan, ya just beat me in. :p)

Casari

13-02-2008, 06:21

"Damnit, where's my office!" Yelled the once-again-returned-for-a-future-role Vivica Hill. She had a bit more gray hair than she did back in the day, but she was still quite mad (insane) and in this case, also mad (angry).

Michael Maclusky, on the other hand, had no time for that kind of madness in his headquarters building, which led him to block the way down the hall outside his office, Hill stopping right in front of him, seemingly in a much better mood. "Michael, great to see you- where's my office?"

"Well, you're going to be the WCC Vice President, that's not one of our offices."

"But where the hell am I supposed to work out of?"

"I'd assume you'd have an office at the WCC headquarters."

Hill shook her head. "But nobody knows where the hell those are!"

"What do you mean... they'd be in Vephrall, wouldn't they?" Maclusky said, following the logic that the offices would be wherever the President was.

"Nobody knows where the offices are, so I figured I'd just work from my old office here."

"... That office doesn't exist anymore, you know."

"Damn, you didn't remodel, did you?"

"They tore that whole stadium down and built a new one."

"Well... then any nice big one will do."

"I don't know if you should be in the building, won't it be some kind of conflict of interest?" Maclusky said, hoping that he would come up with some way to keep her out of the building.

"No, it just means I can ignore your complaints without you guys needing to seem like fools to the world."

"We're already fools, it's a good place for us."

"Shutup. I'm just going to go find a place to set up my office." She said, pushing around Maclusky and looking into random rooms.

"Just make sure it's not someone's office already!" He yelled after her, sighing and watching her walk around the corner. "Damnit."

"Hmm?" she said, peaking back around.

"Nothing."

"Good." She said. Michael waiting until she was a ways down the hall before his next comment.

"You're as daft as your daughter."

---

"Okay, we wait till Reoni comes around the corner, then I need you to turn on the water, and we hit him with the fire hose." Silvia Hill said, peeking around the corner.

"Where the hell did you get a fire hose?!?" Bruski hissed, but was silenced with a glare as Reoni turned the corner and started walking down the hallway away from them."

"Okay, now!"

---

The three players stood in Maclusky's office, a large puddle around their feet as they dripped on the carpet. "You people are daft, you know that?"

The three sheepishly nodded. "Yes, sir."

"If I see something like this again, you're all going to be resodding the field by hand, now get out."

The three sighed and filed out of the office, only to be stopped by the sound of the elder Hill stomping down the wall. "SILVIA!"

"Oh, shit!" Silvia said, turning and recoiling.

"What kind of crap IS this! I taught you better! You know it takes at least 5 turns to properly secure a fire hose!"

"Wha-"

"Now you're going to go down there and take out and attach that hose properly!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

Hopeless SC

13-02-2008, 08:34

Hopeless SC Wanderers World Cup 39 Progress Report:

Comments: Did your team even show up to play today? A 2nd draw against a team ranked 176th is completely unacceptable, especially at home, even if a number of your team's back-ups play instead of the regulars.

Grades for Kalmykstan match:
Effort: F
Control: F
Offense: F
Defense: F
Overall: F

Lesson Your Team Learned: You aren't allowed to sleepwalk through your match.

Relevance of Lesson to Future Matches: High

LARSON GIVEN VOTE OF CONFIDENCE

Administrator Brian Peterson announced today that despite the Wanderers' poor play in World Cup 39, Thomas Larson would remain the team's Head Coach at least through the upcoming Cup of Harmony 31, which the Wanderers hope to take part in and reprise their surprise run deep into the tournament. If the team fares poorly in the Cup of Harmony, Peterson acknowledged that they might re-address the issue at that point.

CORNER BENCHED BY LARSON

Wanderers' starting forward, Paul Corner, is being replaced in the starting line-up by reserve Burt Larkin, Head Coach Thomas Larson revealed in the press conference following the Kalmykstan match. Corner has not recorded a point in World Cup 39, and his roster spot beyond this World Cup is in jeopardy.

Starblaydia

13-02-2008, 09:56

-
Six More Points, Please!
Starblaydia in driving seat for 3rd qualification spot

Starblaydia have got their groove back. They're now able to say 'Look at us, we're not 57th in the world, we're better than that'. Throughout their nearly hundred year history, Starblaydia have perennially been waiting for the rankings to catch up with them, and show how good they really are compared to the rest of the world. In World Cup Thirty-Eight, the ranking did really reflect where they were in the international pecking order. Four years later, however, and Starblaydia's improvement is plain to see. This team, this squad, are better than the KPBs give them credit for, and Starblaydia are in with a chance of qualifying for a World Cup for the first time since World Cup Thirty-Four, sixteen years ago. Of course they've only attempted to qualify for one other World Cup in that time, but for many of the young fans who turned out at the 99,000-seater Stadii di Quercus, World Cup Thirty-Four was a lifetime ago.

With teenage players like Lubii, Batou Nakamura and Fenchurch Bentley in the side, Starblaydi kids are into their football as much as ever. The feeling is back, they're in the groove and they should be heading to the World Cup Finals. Don't count your chickens, as they say, as there is still the matter of three hours of football to be played before qualification is secured.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max
1 Zwangzug 12 10 1 1 29 10 +19 31 37
2 Qazox 12 7 3 2 23 9 +14 24 30
3 Starblaydia 12 7 1 4 23 13 +10 22 28
- -------------- -- - - - -- -- -- -- --
4 Estresse Intenso 12 7 0 5 28 13 +15 21 27
5 Lovisa 12 6 2 4 20 16 +4 20 26
6 Samcoa 12 4 0 8 18 33 −15 12 18
7 Wing Wang Woo 12 2 1 9 13 29 −16 7 13
8 Minilla Island West 12 1 0 11 3 34 −31 3 9

Estresse Intenso and Lovisa could still overtake Starblaydia but, then again, Starblaydia could still overtake Qazox to steal an unlikely second. Two points separate the three teams going for the last qualification spot, so anything could happen. Starblaydia have to face the two bottom teams in the group, with just ten points between them, Starblaydia having a combined 10-2 goal difference in their two matches against Wing Wang Woo and Minilla Island West in the first half of qualifying.

They're only in this situation, of course, thanks to a 1-0 win over Lovisa. Leandro Perheira's header on the stroke of the hour mark put the ball beyond Fritjof Sievers. Starblaydia had, up until that point, played much of the game with only ten men after Juan Oscar had been given a straight red card for a late challenge on Tomasz Zienczuk, which appeared to leave the player injured on the ground for some time, however the Iagga Kicks player was able to continue before being substituted at half time. Betanii Marrones shuffled her cards and continued with ten players, limiting both their possession and chances on goal in order to close the game down. "It was tough, it was hard, but they came through it," Marrones said afterwards, "and they're better players for it."

Better, certainly, but good enough to go to the World Cup?

Adihan

13-02-2008, 10:50

POINT OF VIEW
Got your groove back? Try our group on for size

By DAVEY THOMSON
Football Columnist

I've been asked by the Islands Daily to write this column. So this is the first installment of hopefully a long line of columns to come in this newspaper from me.

I'm sure we all know where we stand. Nine matches unbeaten, two matches left to play, and third in our group on 26 points, just two behind joint-leaders Sorthern Northland and Bazalonia. Normally, I'd say we're in a good spot. But not when we have world number 3 Sel Appa two points back, breathing down our necks for the final qualification spot.

We've still got to play Sel Appa in our final match, but before that we have what should be an easy win over Dinos Pizza. Even better, Sorthern Northland have to play Bazalonia, which means that barring any unlikely result we will be in second place come next matchday. Sel Appa will face a tricky task against Beer Served Here, although they should win comfortably.

This will no doubt go down to the wire. Therefore it irked me greatly to read a recent Starblaydi newspaper article that boasted the men in mauve, ranked 57th in the world, had "got their groove back".

"We're not 57th in the world," exclaimed this article, "we're better than that!" The crux of the article was that Starblaydia were, like Ad'ihan, third in their group, and thus in the final qualification spot. This in a group that includes world number 8 Zwangzug, world number 22 Qazox, and two teams ranked in the lower 30s whose media have not been greatly active this cup (or at all, in the case of one). Compare this to Ad'ihan's: #3 Sel Appa, #21 Bazalonia, #41 Sorthern Northland, and surprise package #125 Beer Served Here (now eliminated from qualification).

It might just be me, but I think Starblaydia have gotten a really lucky group to be in. While I don't doubt that in our group they'd be challenging for that final qualification spot I highly doubt they would be able to claim they had their groove back, or that Starblaydia are better than 57th in the world.

And likewise were we in their group I don't think we'd find ourselves in this real tricky situation to get out of with just two matchdays remaining; we'd probably have second place comfortably secured.

Whether Starblaydia truly are better than 57th in the world... we'll see. It's my hope they'll make the finals – as do we – and we'll be drawn together. Now wouldn't that be a spectacle?

Davey Thomson has been Radio Ad'ihan International's Chief Football Correspondent for the last 14 years and has covered the entirety of Ad'ihan's football history. He will be writing a column after every two international matches for the Islands Daily.

Candelaria And Marquez

13-02-2008, 14:25

What the Papers Say

Lloyd Donnelly and his squad can expect a hero’s welcome when they return from Wavispa tomorrow, with an open-top bus ride through the capital’s streets planned before the second of the pair of World Cup Qualifying double-headers, against Jariss at the Millerman Sheppard Stadium.

Though the vain hopes of years ago have been replaced with a general mood of expectancy when it comes to the Big Blues’ presence among the final thirty-two, most papers reflect a real mood of joy among the Candelariasian population that once again their small group of islands have proven worthy of a place amongst the world’s footballing elite. “It’s a tremendous tribute to Candelariasian society at almost every level,” coos the Albrecht Herald. “There are plenty of other countries in this draw who have pushed their players far beyond their natural limits, used all measure of physical enhancements and unsporting tactics in an attempt to snatch a place. Some have managed it, many haven’t; and it’s a wonderful example to the sporting world that good, honest grit and no little skill can ferry a tiny, average country to the greatest show on earth twice in a row.”

El periodico del Arrigo celebrates a ‘golden generation’ of Marquezian footballers; featuring interviews with residents of the small village of Calamocha nr Onwere that managed to produce both Ignacio Vélez and José Felipe Cassumba Domingos. The paper’s only regret is that Donnelly has recently been favouring right-back Walter Jordan over Arrigo native William Burgos, though the Bass-based Noticias de las Islas points out the pleasing symmetry provided in the expected World Cup line-up of five Candelarians, five Marquezians and Green Island’s Ben Head.

“We got a point away from home to secure World Cup qualification, for heaven’s sake!” the Gassett Candelariasian exclaims meanwhile “And some critics still aren’t happy. What is wrong with these people?” Certainly there were a few complaints at the manner of the draw in Wavispa, in which C&M were frequently out-played and looked anxious in the face of a hostile crowd. Indeed, the home side went one-nil up after their frontman proved quick-thinking enough to capitalise on a Lorenzo De Wilde miss-kick, and it took a second half substitution to turn things around as Joe Cunningham’s head connected with an Özkan Yalçin cross to continue the striker’s impressive international form. But most pundits were happy that the Big Blues had done ‘just enough’ to secure their place in the UCS or Eesseff.

As such, though two games of qualifying still remain, papers in the Candelarias have already begun looking towards that tournament and engaging in full-blooded discussions over the choice of C&M’s World Cup song and the other minutiae of involvement in the world’s premier sporting competition. A major subject of debate has been the bottle green kit, unveiled during the half-time interval of the Cafundéu friendly. “What?!” is the Albrecht Mercury’s considered opinion. “Are we supposed to call them the Giant Greens now, or what?” The CAMAFA has defended the choice, arguing that there is no reason why C&M kits need to be predominately blue, though they have admitted that they may ‘look again’ at the design of the lower garments.

“Who wears short shorts?” the Herald, Mercury, Republican and National Reporter all ask. Certainly, the image of a moustachioed Ramiro Novo with shorts riding high has rapidly become the Athena poster of its day among the Candelarias’ homosexual fraternity.

The CMSC, C&M’s domestic league, has also come in for some needless tributes, with the Herald arguing that it would have been impossible for C&M to make a World Cup without the presence of top-class foreigners in the league. The Allemali Star claims that the unlikely success of Endmile – who have recovered from an opening day, five-one, defeat to C&M and now sit in pole position for a qualifying spot – would “surely not have been possible” with the Candelaria-Allemali right-back Thjis Tullier, and also stress that Jeruselem’s struggles this time around may have been somewhat worse without Gime Thadope on board. The Albrecht papers also comment on the late bid of Francois St. Louis and his Kelssek team to make it from group ten.

“What about the experience Jack Stafador has gained at the naranja?” asks the Onwere Times Free Press rhetorically with Starblaydia having edged into third in group six, while everyone points out that four of Zwangzug’s key players are C&M based. Yet even Zwangzug’s tally can be bested, by the six Kura-Pellandi players selected from the CMSC. “For many fans of Caires Sports, El din Marbles, Arrigo Portuguese and especially Turks’ Club,” the Herald asserts, “Kura-Pelland will be their second team. And one only need look at the international form of Parwood City’s Ramiro Novo to see that the benefit of this cosy little footballing arrangement isn’t all one way.”

The National Reporter isn’t so sure, however. “Their bloody Collagen Championship has taken many of our better players away from their clubs, while our own sides have been filled up with dozens of Kura-Pellanders whose spaces could have been filled by young Candelariasian talent. And if that wasn’t bad enough, now they’re stealing our Gweridijongyans. They’re our Gweridijongyans, and we want them back!”

From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

__________________

Somewhere dot dot dot

The decision hadn’t been anywhere near as agonising as she’d hoped. There’d been one awful moment when President Fu’s two young children had appeared; bouncing, happy adverts for multicultural C&M. Knowing that if she pulled this off they’d not only cease to exist but cease to have ever existed, strictly speaking, wasn’t an especially heart-warming notion.

But then, who didn't exist, and had now never done, because of all this? Sukie knew she didn’t, for one thing. Why would she? Her parents had met at a Melin & Nader game, where her father was a once promising player. How long ago was that now? The fifties? Earlier? Either way that would be comfortably before her mother was born. Just how many other people in the Candelarias, or abroad even, had been affected by this? Hernández was still here, and Newton and Afghan Bill from the croissant place, but how many weren’t? How many had been killed in the endless series of wars, for one thing?

It really was heartening to see so many species getting along so well in the Candelarias; aside from the occasional intercultural differences (Hernández had filled her in on the man-eating nature of Giovanna Conti’s people). But you couldn’t escape the fact that it wasn’t right. Sukie wasn’t sure whose fault this all was – though she suspected that somewhere down the line it was hers – but she knew that it was her job to put this right. Besides, what was it Fu had said? That C&M had taken its place amongst the pre-eminent nations of the world?

Elves and goblins or no elves and goblins, Sukie knew in her heart of haerts that that wasn’t right.

She brushed her hair back over her ears and turned to face the waiting President Samuel Fu.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“No,” Sukie told him honestly. “But it’s worth a go. Nothing awful can happen, at any rate,” she lied.

She lay down on the nearest alcove and shut her eyes as half a dozen svarts clambered on top of her. A knee forced its way into an armpit, cold fingers grabbed at her chin for support. She felt the horribly blackness wash over her…

***

She couldn’t let him see! Sukie was adamant about that. This had to be done, but the thought of him noticing what she was doing gripped her heart and tugged at her kidneys.

“Sukie!” Lyndon Hernández shouted. “What are you doing?!”

Sukie swallowed. “Forging eggs, sir.”

She saw Mckenna Newton’s smirk, and red hot heat oozed through her body. If she’d had a sword she’d have cut her feet off, such were they burning. The eyes of the class were upon her, and she could say nothing. God damn Hernández! He just stood and watched her dispassionately. Sukie stared down into her batch of eggs and willed them to hatch into black holes.

“Well I think I’d best be taking those, don’t you?” Hernández said stickily, grabbing the eggs and marching back to his desk. Afghan Bill and Benji Fu and the Prime Minister of Pacitalia giggled behind their hands. “Freak!” Mckenna Newton hissed, and –

No. Black.

She couldn’t stop the wolves. And even worse was that they weren’t interested in her any more. She’d run a thousand miles through deserts and wildernesses she didn’t even know that Candelaria And Marquez had; only to lead them straight into the school. The Vephrese exchange students had got it first, then the netball team. Which in and of itself wasn’t a bad thing, but…

“What are you doing to help, anyway?” she asked a pathetically grinning Afghan Bill.

He leant in conspiratorially. “I’m starting a new women’s magazine with C&M Idol winner Rhosyn al-Wadi,” he explained.

That seemed reasonable, she –

No! Black.

Purple. It was like drowning in Cadbury’s wrappers, but that paled in comparison to the white horses. They fluttered their wings and shook their manes, and Sukie crept into the first corner she could find and hugged her knees. Her socks were becoming uncomfortably dampened with tears. The horses trotted and preened and she cried and dug her fingernails into her thighs until her eyes bled and –

No! Not this, not…

Black.

The Wavispans only had numbers on their backs. It didn’t matter, because you didn’t need to know which one was on the ball at any one time. They were being forced back deeper and deeper with every passing moment.

The Millerman Sheppard Stadium’s big scoreboards showed that the home side were a goal to the good at two-one.

Yes…

The Wavispan left-back tried to knock the ball upfield, but Ramiro Novo stood in the way. He controlled the ball, dribbling past the number five, holding off his challenge with a shirt pull that went unnoticed. The goalkeeper came out of his box. For a moment it looked as though they were going to collide, but a sudden change of pace allowed the striker to swerve to the left, and get enough on the ball to hit it clear of the ‘keeper’s fingers.

Novo wheeled away joyfully and Sukie bounded to her feet alongside forty-thousand of her countrymen and women to celebrate.

And that was it.

“A-a-a-nd tha-a-a-a-t i-is i-i-t…?”

“Yes!”

“Yo-o-o-u a-r-r-e ce-e-r-rta-a-ain? I re-e-me-e-e-mb-e-e-e-e-r so-o mu-uch mo-o-o-o-o-ore!”

“That’s it! We play Wavispa and Ramiro Novo gets a hat-trick that’s it! Nothing else has happened!”

“P-e-r-rha-a-a-aps yo-o-u-u a-a-a-r-r-e r-i-i-ght…”

Black.

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