NationStates Jolt Archive

A boy wearing an Assegai Developments Severus Snape jersey sits quietly in his room. A tear runs down his cheek and he sighs deeply. He takes his shirt off and places it gingerly in a corner in of his small room. He throws on Cathedral Spooks D.C. pajamas and turns out the lights. He sobs quietly in the dark.

=End=

Amda-Mo: Congratulations to the team on triumphing over Demot again. That 3-2 win sees them through to the second round.

Lur-Mn: But a bitter sweet victory at best. We had the top spot in the group in our grasp and one fell swoop things went to the crappers.

Amda-Mo: We'll get to that. But first take us through the match.

Lur-Mn: Well at the beginning of the match you could tell the Gnomes were determined to win. They especially didn't want their cup to end with a defeat to a team we've been ahead of since they both entered in world cup 30. Unfortunately we've granted them good position to be the first team from that world cup 30 baptism of fire to get to the quarterfinals, and seeing how Sel Appa was also a world cup 30 team, someone starting in that cup will definitely be breaking through.

Amda-Mo: So how exactly did we build the three goal lead?

Lur-Mn: Well it started with Pizelkaxrovsky, as it always does. Not only was he guiding the offense well, but he was making sharp tackles today as well. And he also was creating havoc in the box, as he scored a rare Az-cz header for the opening goal and made a beautiful small touch to Kn-Dg when everyone thought he was going to fire it on to get the second. And the third was pure Kn-Dg, weaving his way through the Demot defense to put us well up with 60 minutes to go.

Amda-Mo: Explain what happened in the last 10 minutes?

Lur-Mn: Well there's not a lot to explain. We all saw the way Nerazzurri's leg got caught in the turf as Demot was moving towards the goal. Allowing them to pull back the first goal. And the second one clearly happened because we were pushing forward trying to reestablish the three goal win we needed to top the group. Indeed, who knows. If we'd Nerazzurri plants safely we could be waiting for our perennial punching bags from Sel Appa.

Amda-Mo: What about Nerazzurri for next match?

Lur-Mn: It's hard to say. It's possible, but unlikely I'd say.

Amda-Mo: If he can't play, who get's the captains badge?

Lur-Mn: There's only two choices really. Hubertino or Kn-Dg. Kn-Dg has been given it more, so that's the most likely option. But Hubertino is the remaining elder statesmen in the lineup.

Amda-Mo: All in all your opinion of the match.

Lur-Mn: By far our best performance. We took it to Demot and the scoreline is decieving and painful, cause the match wasn't that close. The defense for the most part avoided mistakes which was good. And the offense seems to be locked in.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead at our next match, what should we expect?

Lur-Mn: That match will probably be the headline match of the second round. Last cup's runners up versus the hosts. Both teams will be facing their best match of the cup so far. The key to beating them will lie with the defense. Our offense seems to have clicked in and I expect we will score. But there are offense has been smoking good and our defense has struggled, so it will be tough, especially with Nerazzurri limited or out. It will be somewhere from a small win to us to a blowout for them.

Amda-Mo: If the match goes to extra time or penalty kicks what do you expect?

Lur-Mn: I think that favors us. Strong endurance is definitely a national trait and we'll have the home crowd behind us as well. And if it goes to PKs, I think we'll get through. Pizelkaxrovsky, as Az-cz fans clearly remember, is a PK master advancing to the finals of the legends Penalty Kick competition. And he's not even our best taker, Ip-Gp is.

Amda-Mo: Considering that, and Nerazzuri's injury, do you think any changes will be made by the coaching staff?

Lur-Mn: Could be, but I doubt it. His injury might indicate a change to a more defensive formation, but we really can't do that without sacrificing too much talent. Our best bench players, and our most experienced as well, are a striker and a midfielder, who can play defensive midfielder, but isn't a full on one. So, I expect the team to stick with the 3-6-1.

Amda-Mo: Any other thoughts for the team?

Lur-Mn: Just that I'm proud of them and what they've accomplished. I've been in touch with them and given them my regards, but I want to tell them that I'm impressed with the way they fought back after getting so thoroughly outclassed by the worst team in the group. As the years go by my contact with the team is decreasing, but I still have ties to this group of players, so I'm glad to see they salvaged national honor.

Az-cz Scroll
Fort Ben-Degly
Il-Lur

One eye forward, one eye back

The group stages in the Qu-ak world cup 33 have now come to an end. Here are brief summaries of each group as compared to pre-cup predictions and a look at the knockout rounds going forward, starting with our own group.

Group E Home cooking
Az-cz, Milchama, Demot, Northern Bettia

All in all a very balanced group. Every team one once, with Milchama taking down Northern Bettia while we lost the Baptism of Fire battle to Northern Bettia. Two late goals at the end of the final match propelled Demot to the top of the group after fine performances the first two match days. Switch Milchama and Demot and things went about as we'd have expected.

Group F Pieces of Cake
Jeruselem, Assegai Developments, Cafundeu, Sel Appa

Jeruselem dominating the group with three two-goal victories is no suprise. Sel Appa advancing to the knockouts in their first cup is. Some are saying they are the worst team ever to advance to the second round of a cup. Cafundeu has to be disappointed to go out when a draw would have seen them through. Assegai Developments at least earned a point although with this group that's not a huge accomplishment.

Group G #1s
Tynelia, Squornshelous, Krytenia, Spruitland

What a wild group. Tynelia beat Krytenia on the opening day but dropped their spot with a loss to the rabbits to end their cup. Krytenia came alive at just the right time to move to second behind Squornshelous. We nearly called the big suprise from this group, but Tynelia stumbled at the end to the disappointment of all the ferret fans out there.

Group H Group of Death Pt. 1
Schiavonia, The Archregimancy, Errinundera, Starblaydia

We mislabeled this group before the cup. It clearly should have been the group of the blind, as all matches were played blindfolded. The Schiavones showed their cleverness as they won all three matches in the group. The Starblaydians were big disappointments failing to earn a point. Errinundera advanced to the knockouts for the third time in a row by just pipping past the monks on goal differential. Now we can all forget about the blindfolds and get back to football.

Now over to Quakmybush

Group A Death to the hosts
Quakmybush, Ariddia, Bazalonia, Oliverry

This group was expected to be tough and indeed it was. Ariddia had the best goal differential but still went out because of tough losses to Quakmybush and Bazalonia. The hosts barely stayed alive, with a win against Ariddia and two draws in their other matches. And Bazalonia looked quite good in rolling up seven points in such a tough group.

Group B Luck of the Ox
Qazox, Wentland, Geisenfried, The Lowland Clans

Well, I called Wentland sneaking through, but they took snuck a little more literally than I expected. 1 minute of bad luck undid all the good luck Qazox had throughout the tournament as they crashed out with a 5-2 loss against Geisenfried putting them through. Geisenfried's win over Qazox put them through unexpectedly and The Lowland Clans just couldn't put together the one good game needed to get through this balanced group.

Group C Hard and Heavy
Commerce Heights, Casari, Alasdair I Frosticus, Elves Security Forces

We thought Casari's run of bad luck would come to an end here. Instead truly all of their luck was used up back in WC29. Amazingly Elves Security Forces vaulted to the top of group by pasting the Casarans 4-1 to end the round. The Frosticans eliminated Commerce Heights thanks to one extra goal.

Group D A wild mix
Bettia, Rejistania, Yafor 2, Turori

Bettia was expected to dominate this group, and while they did finish top, dominant they were not. They slipped past Turori with help from some major glare, struggled with the Golden Wolves and gave Rejistania their only point this cup. The eels took second like expected, with results like expected, so nothing really to be seen there. Yafor 2 did themselves proud with a win over Rejistania and a tough loss to Rejistania after the debacle against Turori. And Rejistanians can't be pleased about an altogether horrible cup.

So in Az-cz we correctly predicted four qualifiers, but we did put all of those teams in the correct spots. In Quakmybush we correctly predicted six qualifiers, with four of those in their actual spots.

Now looking ahead to the knockout rounds here are the matches for the second round:

Demot vs Sel Appa
Squornshelous vs Errinundera
Jeruselem vs Az-Cz
Schiavonia vs Krytenia
Bazalonia v Wentland
Elves Security Forces v Turori
Geisenfried v Quakmybush
Bettia v Alasdair I Frosticus

Demot versus Sel Appa is definitely going to be the least viewed match here. Not only are both teams fairly low ranked but Demot is expected to make Turtle Soup out of Sel Appa. Interestingly the only two remaining former champions meet here. And both come in having lost their last match. Expect Squornshelous to recover faster and send Errinundera home in the second round for the third straight cup. As expected we advance to face Jeruselem. While I will be rooting hard for the Robbers to steal victory, the fact is Jeruselem is playing better and our healthier, which means we're likely to go down. Krytenia advanced with a nice win over Squornshelous and seems to have discovered form just in time to take advantage of a team who will have to be readjusting to playing with their eyes, sending Schiavonia home despite a perfect group stage. In Quakmybush expect Bazalonia to build on their group stage and get past Wentland. Turori ought to have enough in them to end the fantastic run of Elves Security Forces. Quakmybush keeps one host alive with a win over Geisenfried and Bettia takes care of Alasdair I Frosticus just as imagined.

The quarterfinals are then:

Demot v Squornshelous
Jeruselem v Krytenia
Bazalonia v Turori
Quakmybush v Bettia

Squornshelous puts an end to Demot's fantastic run in a serious way. Jeruselem keeps Krytenia from returning to their stick point in the quarterfinals while Bazalonia sends the eels out in theirs. And Quakmybush finally sends Bettia home to advance to the semis.

The final four would be:

Squornshelous v Jeruselem
Bazalonia v Quakmybush

That final four would provide very interesting matches. Last time's runner up versus two cups ago's champion. And two teams from the same group. Not to mention a non-AO finals and an AO finals. Squornshelous finally puts an end to Jeruselem's perfect run, just keeping the Crusaders from consecutive finals. And Bazalonia once again finds a good result against the hosts, this time putting them in the finals while keeping the Quakmybushian's from Az-cz.

Third Place Playoff:

Jeruselem v Quakmybush

Jeruselem rebounds to add another nice finish to their resume as they send the hosts out in a disappointing fashion.

Finals:

Squornshelous v Bazalonia

Squornshelous tries to truly establish themselves as an elite team, making the jump from the big group of teams with one title, to the elite group of teams with two, while Bazalonia looks for a huge out of nowhere title. With the way this cup is going, expect the Bazalopes to find a title waiting for them in the nation where two of their former heroes are employed.

Sel Appa goes to Knockouts

It was chaos in The Square as Estevez scored the determining goal in the 86th minute that sent Sel Appa forward to the Knockout Rounds. A long and tiring match saw an early Estevez goal and an equalizer by Miquelinho in the 55th minute, after two Cafundéu goals from Abbade Heitor. The win was necessary for Sel Appa to win this match to see it through to the Knockouts. The Turtles boasted a 1-1-1 record in the group. After the match, there was much partying as things keep getting better. Some warned that ther was too much partying for every single step and officials said there won't be another party unless Sel Appa makes the Semifinals, which does seem possible.

Sel Appa will play Demot, which opinion polls say will be a win. Demot is ranked only one above Cafundéu. After that, the Turtles would have to play Squornshelous or Errinundera. Errinundera, ranked 20th, was a fellow groupmate from the qualifiers, who defeated Sel Appa twice: 2-3 and 3-5. Squornshelous is ranked fourth. Both are very tough sides that would probably cancel a Sel Appan bid for a Semifinal spot. But, an upset is not out of the question. Bookkeepers are reporting that significant amounts of people ar betting that Sel Appa will make it to the Semis. There are even some who think the Turtles will stun the world and take the title. However, even the always-optimistic coach Charles DuPont says "it is extremely unlikely" for Sel Appa to win the World Cup.

The advance to the Knockout Rounds brings enormous prestige to the Turtles and their coach, who was facing much skepticism from the FFSA after three failed qualification attempts. DuPont received "a significant bonus" in addition to the bonus for helping the team qualify after only four attempts. DuPont said "it was a great group, but it was our time to shine". Indeed, many balk at the Turtles, being new to international football. There have been allegations of match-fixing and fraud. Neither have been pursued by any federation and are most likely because of anger over Sel Appa's qualification.

XED CITY, Az-Cz. -Wentland's neanderthal centre-half Keith Bassett has recently been the subject of a cruel hoax. On webay.wl he bought what were described as one of Dazza Dallas' exploded breast implants for 365gns, only to find out that reports of the mammary catastrophe were taken from a satirical newspaper and they were not real, so to speak. "At least I've got my hands on someone's breast," commented Bassett, although manager Norman Hacker commented that Bassett was feeling a right tit.

Konigseifert Chronicle
After the Miraculous Minute
Another set of predictions, this time for knockouts.

Well, the dust has settled on the group stages of the World Cup, we are left with only 16, and a fairly different set of sixteen than usual. If you were to tell an 'expert' that Sel Appa and Elves Security Forces would be in the final 16 at the beginning of qualifying, they'd have looked at you funny and wondered what you were on. But nevertheless, they're in. Geisenfried managed to get in after stunning Qazox with a series of swift counters in the 88th minute to win 5-2 to knock Qazox out of the tournament, and knock Geisenfried into the next round. Here they'll have to take on the job of playing the hosts Quakmybush in the first round of the knockouts, never an enviable position. Can they manage to beat home field advantage? If they do, how far will they go? Who is left that has the ability to take it all? We'll tell you what we think.

Knockouts in Az-Cz
Demot--------------|
|Demot--------------|
Sel Appa-----------| |
|Squornshelous------|
Squornshelous------| | |
|Squornshelous------| |
Errinundera--------| |
|Schiavonia---------|
Jeruselem----------| |
|Jeruselem----------| |
Az-Cz--------------| | |
|Schiavonia---------|
Schiavonia---------| |
|Schiavonia---------|
Krytenia-----------|

In what's expected to be the least anticipated matchup, we see the slightly more World Cup experienced Demot taking out new team Sel Appa, while Squornshelous manages to fend out the ever tough Errinunderans. The powerful Jeruselem team will take on the hosts at Az-Cz, but Jeruselem looks strong enough to take them out. We think that Schiavonia can keep up their momentum to get past the top-ranked Krytenians. Squornshelous should roll over Demot in the quarterfinals, but we see Schiavonia managing to get through both Jeruselem and Squornshelous to procure an invitation to the World Cup 33 finals.

Knockouts in Quakmybush
Bazalonia----------|
|Bazalonia----------|
Wentland-----------| |
|Bazalonia----------|
E. Security Forces-| | |
|Turori-------------| |
Turori-------------| |
|Bettia------------|
Geisenfried--------| |
|Geisenfried--------| |
Quakmybush---------| | |
|Bettia-------------|
Bettia-------------| |
|Bettia-------------|
Alasdair I Frost.--|

Wentland's luck should catch up to them right about now, while Turori shouldn't have any problems showing the newbies in ESF the door. We see ourselves somehow knocking out Quakmybush (5 goals in stoppage time, perchance?), while Bettia will send Alasdair I Frosticus back to their dream world. Bazalonia will be able to celebrate making their first semifinals appearance with a win over Turori, while Bettia manages to keep us from advancing past the quarterfinals again. In the battle of the AO B-nations, we see the more experienced Bettia going on to face Schiavonia in the finals.

Finals and 3rd Place
Schiavonia---------|
|Schiavonia---------|
Bettia-------------|

Squornshelous------|
|Squornshelous------|
Bazalonia----------|

Yes, we're still keeping with our prior pick of Schiavonia. But let's face it... have they shown any reason why they couldn't do it? They took the golden spoon for best record in qualifying before following it up with a perfect record in the group stage in arguably the hardest group of the lot, with Errinundera, the Archregimancy and Starblaydia as their opponents. With all that, we can see them taking the cup without losing once during the World Cup 33 process. Meanwhile, Squornshelous shouldn't have any problem thrashing Bazalonia to take third place.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Important OOC: I've just noticed that Sel Appa had already RP the game between our teams while I was offline preparing this match report, so you can just ignore this match report and use his as the official one, as it was posted first. I apologize for the confusion)


CAFUNDÉU LOSES GAME AND QUALIFICATION

http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/5982/3803262977gacafth6.jpg
Falcus frustrated after another missed chance

In the last games of the first phase of the World Cup, Cafundéu needed a draw against Sel Appa to qualify. Being originally the favourites for the game, the players knew that this superiority didn’t exist, as Sel Appa is a dangerous and strong team. So, they concentrated themselves to do their best in this very important game, but unfortunately it went all wrong. A loss started in the first half.

After an incredible good start of Sel Appa, Cafundéu was losing the game by a difference of two goals in the end of the first half, and couldn’t react. In the second half, the team even scored twice, but it was already too late, and the qualification went to the Turtles. It was sad, but as Sel Appa is a friend nation of Cafundéu, the supporters could comfort themselves easier. Now the country will have to just watch the remaining games.

THE GAME
During the first minutes of the game, Cafundéu controlled the ball looking for the best moment to attack. But Sel Appa was playing very well, and could take the ball from the opponents, counterattacking with strength. Nart lost a good chance after dribbling Sávio Ferrari, sending the ball wide. Minutes later, Estevez received the ball inside the area and shot. The ball hit the post and later went wide.

Cafundéu had some chances too, but they were less dangerous than the turtles’ ones. In the fifteenth minute, Vandick crossed the ball to Heitor inside the area, who dribbled Apple and shot. Kashchenko made a fine save. Minutes later, Anormal missed a long range shot, and the supporters were very nervous. After the middle of the first half, Sel Appa scored. Miquelinho crossed the ball to the area and Patette shot after a confusion inside the area, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Counterrrrrattack of Sel Appa in the midfield. Nguyen is with the ball. He passes to Miquelinho in the left wing. He pauses for a moment, will prrrrrobably crrrrross the ball to the area. He crrrrrrrrrosses! Everrrrybody trrrrries to get the ball, the ball remains to Patette... and it’s a goal! Goal for Sel Appa! Patette! Sel Appa one, Cafundéu zero!”

The coach Franz Braddock asked the team to attack more, but the opponents continued better in the game. In a good play, Dubrov shot from outside the area and obligated Vargas to make a good save. Cafundéu replied with a fast counterattack started by Ray Kirs. The left-back passed the ball to Falcus, who shot, but the ball went wide. Minutes after, Sel Appa scored again. Esteves received a long range pass and shot. The ball hit Vandick and entered in the goal. The referee gave the goal to Estevez. Read Breno Gavião:

“Ganz Ijak lost the ball in the attack. Sel Appa gets it with Vasou, he makes a long pass to the attack, Estevez gets it. He trrrrries to invade the arrrrrea, but Becão marks him well. He decides to shoot... and it’s a goal! Goal for Sel Appa! Estevez! Sel Appa two, Cafundéu zero!”

In the last minutes of the first half, Cafundéu’s players were visibly without hopes. The team was losing the game with a bad performance, and the opponents were inspired. In a violent foul, Heitor left the game injured, and Renário entered in his place. Peech received a yellow card. The last chance of the first half was this free kick, but Kliek sent the ball wide. End of the first half.

http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/7995/4696570060gacafkl3.jpg
Heitor left the game injured before halftime

Braddock made another change before the start of the second half, putting Brahma in Vandick’s place. It was a risky choice, as with this change Cafundéu’s defense would be very unprotected. Taking advantage of the weakness of the opponent’s defense, Sel Appa made a good play in the seventh minute. Estevez and Dubrov changed passes. Dubrov invaded the area, and was fouled by Becão. Penalty and yellow card. The same Dubrov took the penalty kick and scored the goal.

It was a disaster for Cafundéu, as the team was hoping to improve its performance in the second half to try to draw the game. Now, having to score three goals, the players would have to work hard. And they tried. Cafundéu played better than Sel Appa in the second half, and had more chances than its opponent. In a play started by Anormal, Renário received the ball inside the area and dribbled Vasou. He was going to dribble the goalkeeper, but Kashchenko fouled him. Penalty and red card. Ganz Ijak took the penalty and defeated the reserve goalkeeper Pidon. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Anorrrrrmal attacks using the centrrrrre of the field. Sees Rrrrrrrrrrenário in a good position, passes the ball to him, the strrrrriker invades the arrrrea, drrrrribbles Vasou, will drrrrribble the goalkeeper! PENALTY! Penalty for Cafundéu! And Kashchenko is sent off! Pidon enters in Miquelinho’s place. Ganz Ijak will take it... look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Sel Appa three!”

Cafundéu continued with a better performance, but Sel Appa’s advantage was difficult to recover. The team tried, attacking many times with Ganz Ijak, Renário and Anormal, but had difficulties to invade the opponent’s area, who was defending to keep the good result, even with one player less. After the middle of the second half, Priotto complained with the referee and received the second yellow card, being sent off too.

After losing Priotto, the coach Franz Braddock gave up. There was nothing else that he could do. The players continued to attack, but Sel Appa was defending well, even having some counterattack changes. After pressing the opponents for a whole half, Cafundéu scored the second goal. Anormal was fouled at the entrance of the area. Kliek took it with perfection and scored the goal. It was too late. Sel Appa three, Cafundéu two.

The players, visibly shocked by the loss, talked with the press, although many decided to not comment. Priotto said: “We made a good campaign, we must be happy about this, not to cry because we lost the qualification. There’ll be lots of cups for us to get a better position.” Ray Kirs said: “Sel Appa could score in their best opportunities and we couldn’t. So they deserved the result.”

Heren Ijak talked too with the press: “It’s over. Now I’ll return to Lasft to play the National League. I heard that our teams bought some foreign players. It’ll be interesting.” Franz Braddock was the last to leave the stadium, saying: “I don’t know if I’ll continue, but I think that I made a good job, the best that I could. I have no regrets.”

http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/7531/3398886518gacafpy0.jpg
Sel Appa’s players commemorate the good victory

CAFUNDÉU 2x3 SEL APPA

Place: Shangri-La, in Az-Cz.
Attendance: 65,560 people.
Referee: Yussi Cantonin (Milchama).
MOTM: Alan Dubrov (Sel Appa).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Brahma 45’), Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs (Heren Ijak 76’); Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor (Renário 41’) and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel_appa.png SEL APPA: Kashchenko, Vasou, Apple and Peech; Nguyen, Patette and Mercator (Phil Lo 60’); Dubrov, Estevez, Nart (Steinberg 60’) and Miquelinho (Pidon 71’).
Coach: Charles DuPont.

Goals:CAF: Ganz Ijak 71’ , Kliek 89’.
SEA: Patette 24’ , Estevez 37’ , Dubrov 52’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

4- Ganz Ijak
2- Heitor
1- Falcus and Kliek

"Nooooooooo!"

The streets of Pifton, that well-loved suburb of Gabalfa, rang with the wailings of a single, solitary anguished soul. Groups of starlings, which up until then had be happily twittering away amoungst themselves in the treetops, suddenly took to the air in their dozens as they were disturbed. A cat could been seen darting through an alleyway as its daily routine of foraging in the neighbours' bins was rudely interrupted. And, all down the High Street, the people were briefly torn away from their shopping and directed their eyes towards the Pie and Pixie, the source of the scream.

Inside, old George was a picture of turmoil. He beat his fist on the tabletop where he had slumped his head, a thin trickle of tears forming a little stream leading away from him and collecting into a small crack in the veneer.

"Noooooooo!"

Ali, who had been taking a slash in the ladies toilets (but only because the gents was out of order), hurridly rushed out whilst busily trying to do his flies up when he heard the cries and moans.

"George? What the hell's going on?"

His old friend looked up, his face an image of pure agony.

"Oh Ali, it's terirble! It's so terrible?"

"What are you talking about? We won!" he replied, pointing at the live pictures of Bettia's players walking triumphantly off the pitch.

"No, it's not that. I've just heard some terrible, terrible news."

"What is it?"

"It's my darling Dazza."

"Dazza? Dazza Dallas?"

"Yes."

"What about her? No, wait, don't tell me - she's not into octogenarians."

"I've just heard some tragic news. It's her boobies. They've... they've... exploded!"

Ali smirked.

"They've what!?"

"They exploded!"

"Rubbish!"

"No, it's true."

"Well who told you that?"

"John, over there." he said, pointing at a thirty-something chap sitting at one of the P&P's new computers. "He found it on a Sel Appan news website, The Cabbage."

"The Cabbage?" Ali snorted, shaking his head. "George, you don't want to believe everything you see on the internet. Remember that Archregimancy stuff about the Fire Ants being bastions of all things fair and sporting?"

"But... the thought of Dazza... and her boobies... going kaboom!"

"Kaboobies!"

"Oh shut up, this ain't funny!"

"Oh, it is George. I mean, she's a world famous presenter / footballer / porn star / village bike... and you're, well, and 82-year-old man. Don't you think you're getting a bit old for, well, you know?"

"Mate, you're only as old as you feel, and right now I wouldn't mind feeling..."

"Oh stop it! Look, if you're going to lust after someone, why not lust after someone you might actually stand a chance with."

"Such as?"

"Such as..." Ali trailed off as he surveyed the café's regulars, which unfortunately were mostly men, except for...

"Doris. Yes, she's perfect for you. After all, she's sinlge, and she's only 66!"

"Doris?" George murmured as he looked over at the Pie and Pixie's owner serving another customer. All of a sudden, a romantic violin piece started playing in his head, and everything went soft-focus (which was nothing to do with the cateract in his left eye).

"Doris. Oh my. I never realised just how beautiful a woman in full bloom could be! The way she pours the tea! The way she butters those scones! The way the sunlight catches the blue rinse in her hair! She's... wonderful."

With that, he stood up and strode purposefully over to her. Doris smiled pleasantly at him.

"Hello George my dear, what do you fancy?"

"Your hand in marriage, my sweet, sweet Bettian rose."

"Oh, give over!"

"No, I'm serious. Up until now I've been blinded by football and floozies, but now I realised, it's you that I want. You, with your perfect teeth..."

"They're false."

"...you're fragrant perfume, your dazzling smile..."

"Ooh, you old flatterer!"

"You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. My dear sweet Doris..." George continued as he slowly got down onto one knee, then stood up again with a pained grunt before getting down onto his non-arthritic knee.

"My dear sweet Doris... will you marry me?"

Upon hearing this, the café went silent. All celebrations of Bettia's progress to the second round had been temporarily put on hold. In his seat, Ali could be seen holding his head in his heads, shaking it in dismay - when he said George should go for Doris, he didn't have something quite so dramatic in mind.

Meanwhile, Doris was positively gushing. She looked down at George, as he gazed up at her with his watery, world-weary grey eyes.

"Oh George, you daft'un... I will marry you!"

Cue the huge cheer from the café's customers as George, heartened by Doris' response, stiffly got back up and rubbed his painful old back. Ali, still numb with shock, went over and congratulated the happy couple.

"So George, you silly old bugger... what do you have in mind for the wedding?"

"Ooh, it depends on how far the Aroras get!"



Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
Knockout Stages

2R: Alasdair I Frosticus....Jink

First Round, Group D

01: Rejistania..............Quak....D 2-2
02: Turori..................Quak....W 2-1
03: Yafor 2.................Quak....W 4-3

Friendly

FR: Az-Cz...................Away....W 4-2

Qualifying Group 1

01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME....D 3-3
11: Bostopia................Away....W 5-0
12: Kelssek.................HOME....W 5-1
13: Marceau State...........Away....W 3-1
14: New Propagandia.........HOME....W 3-0
15: Collonie................Away....W 5-3
16: Lovisa..................HOME....W 1-0
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-0
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME....W 4-1

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/thecabbage.png

Az-cz Legalizes Three-Letter Words


AZ-CZ CITY, Az-cz—After decades of supressing any word with more than two letters, Az-cz's government has finally let up. Az-cz is well-known for having no words with more than two letters. Years of protests demanding at least a third letter in words has proved fruitful. Citizens revelled at the news and began making three-letter utterances, such as "azx" and "qso". Some began to faint at the overwhelming expansion of their vocabulary. Publishers struggled to keep up with the demand for three-letter-word books and there were threats that some might collapse from the demand. Authors and poets worked for hours, trying to churn out new three-letter literature.

http://re3.mm-a5.yimg.com/image/3106598289 _____ http://re3.mm-a4.yimg.com/image/2989933447 _____ http://re3.mm-a2.yimg.com/image/2425933004

Linguist Dr. Mel Paulman said it is "a great day for Az-cz" and wished them well. Dr. Paulman urged Az-cz citizens to be careful with their newfound spelling abilities. Many hope that people in Az-cz don't get too caught up in their celebrations. The government reported that "a pilot program was successful" and there appeared to be no reason for them to prevent the legalization of a third letter. There is widespread fear that the economy might suffer problems while Az-cz gets used to the usage of three letters. Government officials assure that there is "no reason for concern" and to "be vigilant". There are reports of some threatening to use four letters in words, if it is not legalized as well. Many cower in fear at the thought of a four-letter word.

The Daily Quak
Second Round, Here We Come

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team will be advancing to Second Round, for the second straight World Cup. Last time, the Sharks lost to Rejistania, this time it may be easier, as the Sharks are taking on region mates Geisenfried. But, we should tell you how the team got to this match. The Sharks were taking on Bazalonia, and they needed a win or a draw to clinch qualification. The Sharks were pumped, playing in front of a home crowd. The visiting Bazalopes struck first blood in the 38th minute to make it 1-0. The Sharks would be scoreboard watching if the game did finish this way. The score at half time was 1-0. When the Sharks went into the locker room, the score of the Ariddia vs Oliverry match was 3-1 Ariddia. Therefore, if the score was 1-0 at the end of the game, the Sharks would still advance. The Sharks wanted more, they came out in the second half ready to play. Jon Fields had the first good chance for the team, but he rang it off the bar. The rebound came out and Cory Sorley drove it at the net, but the keeper made a spectacular save, and tipped the ball out of bounds. Off the ensuing corner kick Cory Sorely knocked in a header. The score was now 1-1, and that is how it would finish.

Quakmybush - 1 Sorley 78'

Bazalonia - 1 Bazalope 38'

Jeruselem Government News

The Crusaders and some chick with nice boobies ...

Well, once again Jeruselem make the 2nd round of World Cup. Only with 3 draws and one loss, and they are facing a whole new set of opponents. The old order has crumbled with most of the top 16 seeds falling to new teams but the 3rd seed cruised into the 2nd round with 3 wins and easy ones most of the time. Group F had a shock with Sel Appa making the 2nd round at the expense of the other teams and they were helped by Jeruselem crushing their opponents. So it is big news the World Champs Ariddia are out, or most of the top seeds faile to perform? A few seeds like Jeruselem did make it but so far it's the newish teams including Sel Appa and Wentland having a good time. So it is news, err - no.

My co-host of THE FOOTBALL LIFE, Dazza Dallas has been doing Jeruselem a favour. She's been keeping the team out of the headlines by being Dazza! Stolen luggage with somehow made it's way to Az-cz and an article in the Sel Appan newspaper The Cabbage has been the recent headlines. Yes, the headlines are about Dazza's boobies and not the team. Is this good? Yes, it is. The team can train and work, without being distracted while ex-World Cup captain gets all the attention from her lack of clothing.

Well, first things first. Dazza's breasts have not exploded and they are real, or natural. How do I know? She sometimes answers the door at night when you visit wearing, well nothing. Call her a porn star, but she isn't. She's just an attentions seeker, while her friend known as Moaner - is a real porn star. Yes, both are really cute girls but not the sort you want to take home to Mum. If someone posts an article about your boobies exploding, most women would get upset - as well women like Dazza pride themselves on their looks.

The Jeruselem team find all this quite a laugh and well, they can just keep on winning until they make the final. Dazza isn't in the team since last world cup but she's still part of the management group. Oh, Dazza's sister Debbie Dallas is going declare her retirement from football officially. That's no coaching or management roles, she's going to become a full-time businesswoman running the Dallas empire. It's pretty clear who is slated as the replacement coach!

Yes, it's Dazza. Dazza if she is the new Jeruselem coach - will be probably the most popular, notorious and youngest coach Jeruselem will have. Dazza will have give up her position as team reporter and it's reported that Jewish Dinkie Dosha is the new Dazza. Good news about Dinkie, she's not quite the whore Dazza is - so don't expect the topless stuff going on. Rashina Dallas will available as well should Dinkie not be available for THE FOOTBALL LIFE, and even Dazza's XXX friend Monique Alexander can do the job too. Monique has done Dazza's job during the last Women's World cup before.

I'm not saying Dazza's recent actions are needed but if the Jeruselem are working away silently to win this cup, and they do - then Dazza's actually helped by distracting the international media away for their troubles. Oh, if anyone asks if I've touch Dazza's pair, yes. When we were dating once, and they haven't really changed much or exploded. Well, I think Dazza's fan base has just exploded. If schoolchildren in Turori want Dazza to help with research, she must be a popular girl. She is 34 but she looks so young!

The winners so far, Jeruselem and Dazza! The team is winning and Dazza is winning hearts. Let's hope this continues. Oh yes, if we win this World Cup I fully expect more nudity from Dazza.

Wayne Wastle
JGN Presenter and Sports Writer

Me-Adu and his friend Po-Ro were sitting in Me-Adu's dorm room. Me-Adu dialed up the cabbage to see what new headlines they'd come up.

"Az-cz allows three letter words? That passes for humor? We knew they weren't so bright, but that's a whole 'nother level."

"Word I know. Az-cz itself is four letters plus a character. And we speak English here. Maybe the joke was supposed to be that Sel Appans don't know what words are."

"Good one Po-Ro. That wouldn't be too suprising. It'll be too bad to see them leave." The sarcasm was dripping from Me-Adu's voice.

"Hahaha! Actually the Schiavones and the Errinunderans are the only ones I really like."

"Demotians are ok too. And their dragons are cool."

"Yeah maybe. I heard the Squornshelans, if that's the term, party hard but I haven't been able to find any."

"Yeah. That whole group was hard to find. Except for Spruitlanders, who are always a blast."

"Word up. I got a Spruitlander in my Fem. Stud. class. Named Barnard Jools. That guys a riot. And he has even better pot than what we standardly sell here."

"Yeah too bad there footballers aren't that dedicated. Still it's been quite fun having the teams in town. Of course good riddance to the tight-assed monks, but you know, other than that...."

"And the World Cup Capers rule. We should go hit that up again."

"Ok."

Elven Times
Brilliant

Not leaving their progression hopes to chance, the Marauders swept the former champions under the rug, blasting this lackluster image of a Casari squad to a final score of four to one. Not only did the Marauders seal their trip to the second round in their first trip, but they also did the unthinkable and won the group, thanks in part to the Slani defeat of the Holy Empire, with the Empire sneaking through to the next round thanks to a goal differential, their single goal against the Slanis. Very little was expected of the Marauders going into the group stage of the Proper, with nearly all of the foreign media predicting death blows for the squad, but they have risen above the speculation of their failure, and have claimed top spot. Now as they move forward, again the other media outlets are condemning the squad to an early exit, as meet up again against a budding rival of the Eels of Turori.

Knowing that their fate rested completely in their own hands, the Marauders came out ready to take the attack to the Casarians, blowing by their opposition and pinning them in for the majority of the opening fifteen minutes. Unable to get a goal, the squad began to revert into a quick strike mode rather than a methodic approach. This change of tactics saw the squad quickly convert, as Cuellar freed Raynor coming in from the wing, and the Great Leader collected in stride, took a few strides into the box, and delivered it with precision to the far corner, watching it just curl into the netting instead of smacking the post and out. A large contingent of the Navy Wave gave a loud roar of approval, and a small amount of Casari fans let out some boos and groans.

A deft little maneuver by Zacharius saw the squad go two nil up heading into the break. The emerging talent of the captain showed, as he went one on two, and split the defender by putting the ball through ones knees, and spinning around the other, collecting the ball, and placing it with superb power in the top corner, too hard for the keeper to get even close to it. Without any news on how the other match was fairing in the locker room during the break, the squad knew that they likely needed another goal in order to achieve the top spot if they could. Likely knowing that the squad was progressing however, Revtron took off his heroic captain in favor of Nikali Rikard, a move that left many scratching their heads as the teams came out from the break.

The Casarians refused to go down without a fight, as a weird penguin thing was able to waddle his way through the Marauder defense, and somehow put it by St. Louis. The theory is, that the keeper was soo surprised that a penguin was out on the pitch, that he forgot that it had the ball as it kicked it, and watched it go off the crossbar and in, to a chorus of boos coming down from the Marauders faithful. The Casari hope to equalize would be cut down swiftly, as the unwarranted substitute Rikard made a dashing run along the line, and delivered a high quality cross that Constant flew in with his head for, and delivered it bouncing by the keeper to solidify the lead heading into the last twenty minutes. A final goal by Stone would come, as Cuellar sent in a graceful inswinger in the eighty-sixth minute, that the lass collected after everyone in the box missed, and volleyed it home as the tune of "Fame, Glory, Honor, and Game" began it's mystic tune as the team and nation knew that they were going to advance.

Their opponents, the Turori side, is a familiar side to the Marauders, who faced them in the previous Cup of Harmony and Qualifiers beforehand, as well as the Qualifiers in World Cup 31. The Marauders went 1-3-1 in that stretch, the only points coming in a two all draw and a slim victory at home in the Hatire Memorial. Their last affair was a stunning display of football, as the squads were dead even throughout regulation, and only the slightest of chances saw the Marauders be defeated, and Turori on it's way to their eventual championship over Spaam. With the experience gained from that match, the Marauders should have a decent chance of pulling a cat out of the bag and steal itself a victory. It will not be an easy affair, as those dreaded creatures the Turorians employ are still around. Suffice to say, the squad does not believe such creatures should be allowed on the pitch, as they have an unfair advantage thanks to their physical make up. The squad will have to find their way around this if they hope to continue their incredible run. As for the other second round games, here is my full predictions:

In Quakmybush

Bazalonia v Wentland

The Bazalopes are a team that has quite a following here in the ESF, and millions of fans will be rooting them on as they move through the stages. Bazalonia showed their strength in the group stage, turning the tables on defending champions Arridia and those pesky frenchmen of Oliverry, before slipping up a tad in the last matchday against the co-hosts of Quakmybush in a one all draw. Wentland on the other hand needed a huge bundle of luck to progress out of the group stage, and looks severely outmatched here. Expect them to make of match of it during the first half, but the talent of the Bazalopes proves strong in the second half.

Bazalonia 4-2 Wentland

Elves Security Forces v Turori

As this rivalry starts to grow, these two squads are very familiar with each other. The Turorians were more than their groupmates could handle, apart from their regionmates and offensive juggernaught of Bettia, and plowed their way to the second place in the group. Meanwhile, our squad stumbled out with a case of nerves in the first matchday, only to regain their form by disposing of two former champions in style on the final two matchdays to take the crown of the group. An end to end affair that could go either way, but somehow the luck continues, and the Marauders make it to the Quarters.

ESF 3-2 Turori

Geisenfried v Quakmybush

An absolutely dreadful group is the only reason the Geisenfried squad was able to claim top honors, as they managed but one win and two draws. However, that lone win was an impressive five two smashing of the heathen Ox, and that will earn them some kudos here in the ESF. However, the power of the class of 29 will rise again, this time in front of their home fans, and give the Geis too much to handle.

Geisenfried 1-3 Quakmybush

Bettia v Alasdair I Frosticus

The Aoras were nigh unstoppable in the group stage, and finished in form with a 4-3 edging of Yafor 2. Their offensive power is undeniable, yet that game accounted for half of their goals. We expect their form to come back to them, as the reeling Holy Empire squad makes it two straight losses, and will give their federation an extra week to prepare their bid for hosting the next Cup. Ciao Holy Empire, hello Quarters for Bettia.

Bettia 4-1 AIF

In Az-cz

Demot vs Sel Appa

Our former colony is making quite a name for themselves, as they conquered Group E despite a last matchday loss to the co-hosts of Az-cz. Their last ditch efforts to nab a few goals enabled them to top the group, and get this very favorable match up. We don't know how the Turtles advanced out of their group, but we expect some sort of cheating had to be going on. Their run stops here as the Dynamo give them a much needed wake up call, and thrash the Turtles into a creamy green Turtle Soup.

Demot 5-1 Sel Appa

Squornshelous vs Errinundera

The Squorns are stumbling into the second round, coming off a close defeat to the number one ranked squad Krytenia, but still managed to hang on to the title of group winners. Their defense is playing sharp in the Proper, and we think that could be the key to victory, as their offence is averaging three goals a game. The tree huggers will try to make it a close affair, but in the end they will be overpowered by the offence and then stymied by the defense of the champions of two tournaments afor.

Squorneshelous 3-1 Errinundera

Jeruselem vs Az-Cz

The Crusaders are still in top form, collecting all nine possible points in the group stage, and topping it with little trouble. Their main headlines are coming from bogus tabloid papers in Sel Appa, claiming the famous figure of Dazza Dallas to have had her breasts explode, which has been proven false. It is amazing to see that their only defeat in this campaign has been against the Marauders. While we like the Gnomes, we just can't see how the hosts have too much a chance on a team that is in this kind of form.

Jeruselem 3-2 Az-cz

Schiavonia vs Krytenia

Two very talented teams, in what is the premier match up of the second round in this reporters eyes. The Schiavonias were near as perfect as you could be in the the group, toppling all three squads in very convincing fashion, allowing only three goals in the group. Meanwhile, the Aces are coming in hot, after clinching their progression with a highly contested affair with the World Cup 32 champions. This thing could go any way possible, and likely head to extra time and penalties where anything is possible. If that happens, the Schiavonia side is favored by me.

Schaivonia 3-3 Krytenia (3-3 after ET) Schaivonia wins 5-3 on PKs

Article by Luna Santapa

Slow to the Source, Elven "Behind The" Times


Turorian's both home and abroad have been widely anticipating the matchup between their side and Elves Security Forces in the Second Round of World Cup 33 Qu-ak, their nations first knockout style match since having been crowned Cup of Harmony champions for World Cup 32. To the disappointment of Turorians however, who have a reputation for always looking for new sources of information to read and understand, news out of the Elven lands has been terse at best. In fact, it was not until the morning of the match that the biggest news source in the foreign land recognized the match, as well as the other 7 second round ties, in their sports section.

Interestingly, the Elvish supporters did not seem to care too much about the fact that they did not even find out the result of their final Group Stage match until the second round was about to begin, though many rebels have been captured by the Elves rivals, colonial Demot, who already look assured a place in the Quarter Finals after a draw that even Ravea would struggle to screw up, as the lowly Dynamo were paired with one of the dumbest per capita nations in recent world cup history, Sel Appa. Whichever of the two sides advances from that matchup will surely get a rude awakening in the Quarter Finals, but will be more than happy to get that chance.

It is unknown whether this lack in media interest in the match will carry over into the match attendance, however one thing is certain, the Eel Brigade will be out in full force as thousands of Turorians are already in Quakmybush, making the short trip across Atlantian Oceania to support their club as they look to continue their fine run of form under new head coach Riailia Magic.

A dispatch is sent from the offices of the ESF to every nation in The Young World region.

From the ESC
To: TYW Region Nations

On the behalf of the the EFA and the entire nation of the ESF, we are inviting you to attend the Marauders upcoming match against the Eels of Turori. We are allocating 30% of the tickets made availble to us by the WC officials in Quakmybush to interested parties from citizens inside your countries as a show of good faith and respect to our regional brothers. If for some reason these tickets are not sold out, they will be made availble to the general public of the ESF at the gate, if they so desire to travel to the match. The ticket holders would be at the north end of the stadium, where the Navy Wave will be hosting a pre-game party, and cordially extends the invitation to anyone interested. We hope to see many of our regions fine citizens at the match, and expect a well fought match to be sure. However, we must give in to the regional bias, and say the Marauders will win. As the song goes, "For Fame, For Glory, For Honor, For the Game, ESF all the Way!!!".

RP Cutoff

The team dragged themselves back into the dressing room after the 2-1 loss against Wentland.

"You got complacent, you can never get complacent in a World Cup."

"Wentland played much better than expected." stated Ariana

"Yes, but that's no excuse. This is the World Cup for crying out loud, not some B-Amusement Park. We should have lifted with them, but no we didn't and for the second time in 4 World Cups we fell short at the Round of 16. Oh, well no point arguing about it now. You guys have a BazAir flight to catch. I'll see you guys in a few days." said Eric Frankton quite obviously disappointed but taking a pragmatic approach

"Well, it is the World Cup and it isn't like this is a major upset in the scheme of things, look at the Starblaydi squad." He added, however this did not distract one person from the realisation "few days", meaning he was going somewhere.

"Uh, Coach?" said Quentin "Does that mean you are going somewhere?"

"Yes, I'm going to Az-cz. I'm sure you heard the rumours about the World Cup Capers. I'm going there to sort everything out, and perhaps visit Peter and Caine while I'm there. You guys have worked hard you have a month off. but unfortunately my job still continues. Anyway let's have showers and get changed and ready to go. I want everyone on the bus in half an hour, chop chop."

And with that apart from one late straggler made it on the bus in time, though admitidly the late straggler was Eric Frankton and they couldn't leave without him. So while the Bazalopes got on a plane headed back to Bazalonia. Eric Frankton headed to Az-cz, it was a relatively short flight and he landed in Az-cz just before the others landed in Bazalonia.

Entering the Mil-Bax Emporium, he passed the Dazza Dallas stand and was down right embarrased, but then again in nation of gnomes where nudity is commonplace one might say he was embarrased alot and was nearly all embarrased out even before he got to the stand. The stand stood out, there was that Radio from Croisland and a number of other things that had recently "gone missing". Of course this was not Bazalonia, and there was no real evidence of anyone "breaking the law". So he made it clear to the exhibition organisers that he wanted everything to go back to their rightful owners and then left. Not wanting to endanger the good relationship that was strangely had by sporting agencies in both Bazalonia and Az-cz and cause a diplomatic incident.

Wayne: You ready for the game Dazza?
Dazza: Oh yeah, ready to get all jiggy!

Wayne: With the World cup's most famous tits, well yes.
Dazza: You live only once Wayne

Wayne: Are you sure you should be wearing that semi-transparent top?
Dazza: Why not? Everyone wants a peek.

Wayne: What does your husband say about all this?
Dazza: Bemused my tits get more attention than big teams not making the 2nd round.

Wayne: Oh well, here goes.
Dazza: Good for selling Virtual Strumpet anyway.

Wayne: I must say, you look - real in that.
Dazza: That's the idea, Dazza on you desktop.

Wayne: I like the Rachel Kool one better.
Dazza: She's hot but you know who's hotter.

Wayne: You're the talk of the World Cup, well for flashing tits and other private bits.
Dazza: Why not, Playboy is tame stuff!

Wayne: I hope you aren't going to anything stupid if we make the final again
Dazza: Like streaking? No, done that. Something differerent.

Wayne: Now I'm worried
Dazza: Don't, only I can embarass myself.

Wayne: How do you get all the confidence to do this stuff without shame?
Dazza: God gave the body of an angel, and well you have to use it.

Wayne: I suppose you have use it before you grow and crinkly.
Dazza: That's it. I will grow old one day but I think I might die young too - I have many people who hate me.

Wayne: Well, let's watch this game.
Dazza: And people watch me, of course.

"Boss. We've just been visited by the great Eric Frankton himself."

"Who, Vi-To? Is he the guy that makes his guitar talk? Or the one who's son fell off the balcony and died?"

"Neither boss. He's the head coach of the Bazalonian national squad."

"Pity that his team crashed out of the tournament like that. Bazalonians are a fine people. I was hoping they'd lift the cup if we couldn't."

"Yeah. They're nice folks."

"Anyways, what did he want."

"Apparently he got wind about the exhibition and wasn't too pleased. Apparently between the nudity, the Dazzaporn and the thievery he wasn't too pleased. Bazalonians are nice, but there still a bit too traditional and up tight. Have you heard of Peter Hobble?"

"This one I do know. The ex-werewolf strikers coach. What about him?"

"Well he's rather religious. There's been some strange interplay between him and the squad. He's done a good job, but still he rubs the team the wrong way."

"Well, it's not to suprising, theivery and nudity require a special brand of gnome, or person, to embrace. The Bazalonians heart's are in the right place, even if they have a bunch of misguided taboos. So he was upset. Anything else?"

"He demanded the items be returned to their rightful owners."

"That's been the plan the whole time. Did you explain to him that we were planning on doing that the whole time?"

"I was trying boss, but he just came in ranted for a few minutes then left immediately. I didn't have time. I think he was trying to get out of there as soon as possible. A number of local college boys were there in full nude glory and I think he wanted out as soon as possible."

"Well, let's get a letter sent off to him, explaining the situation. We clearly won't be returning the Bazalonian goods until after the cup. But it shouldn't be a big deal, I hope."

Just then Sh-Ark came running in.

"Boss, I've figured out who stole coach Tarmey's clipboard."

"Who?"

"Well you know old Snk-Ize? Apparently he's involved. He thought our plan was good so he's copying, but a bit late about it. And he's working with the only set of foreigners in this cup dastardly enough to do such a thing."

"Who is that?"

"It's......"

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths, live from the Mil-Bax emporium, Az-cz. I'm Dana Lee..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone...."

"...and we're here to preview Schiavonia's second round game at World Cup 33."

"But first, we're going to look back at the Sloths final group game, another one in blindfolds, this time againts the portaloos..."

"It's potoroos, Fil."

"Sorry, the potoroos of Errinundera."

*A clip of the two teams playing blindfolded is played on screen*

"Well, the game was another one where both teams seemed completely oblivious to what was going on."

*We see Colin Chester and denticulatae bumping into each other*

"But Schiavonia somehow came out on top, using their karelan tactic of nine players on the goalline to good effect."

*We see nine blindfold Schiavone players stood in a row in the goalmouth behind goalkeeper Chris Howard*

"They left COlin Chester up front alone, meaning that any instructions from the bench were for him. And the tactic worked well, as he scored twice!"

*We see Chester's two goals*

"Two-nil would have seen Errinundera go home, but they managed to get a late goal to see them through on goal difference. It happened when Schiavonia made a substitiution and a gap in the goalline wall was created. Captain rosaniel took full advantage and so both teams went through."

*We see the fans of both teams celebrating at the final whistle*

"And so Schiavonia are still unbeaten. Indeed, they are now on the longest unbeaten run in international football since Qazox lost in their final group game."

"So well done Schiavonia. Unfortunately, from my point of view, you won't be playing Tynelia this cup, as they also lost their final group game to Spruitland."

"So who do the Sloths play instead?"

"Krytenia."

"As in the world number ones?"

"Well, they were before the start of qualifying. Ariddia had overtaken them by the start of the finals. And Jeruselem have overtaken them both since then."

"Really? But they're still go, right?"

"Well, yes. They're a top team."

"And they won their last game against Squornshelous. So they're just getting into form at the right time. We're screwed, aren't we?"

"Well, apparently not. That fella from Geisenfried still thinks you can win!"

"There really are some fools out there. I tell you what, if Schiavonia reach the quarter finals, I will run naked through the streets of this country!"

"Um... you do realise that it is quite normal behaviour in Az-cz?"

"Don't tell the viewers that, Dana! I'm trying to make it sound outlandish!"

"Sorry."

"Well, anyway. The first four games of the second round have taken place already, and there's a very unfamiliar line-up for the Quarter Finals in Quakmybush. The only nation to have reached that stage who are still in there are Bettia, and that was a fair old while back too."

"Don't you think it's refreshing to see all these different teams doing well, though, Fil?"

"Of course I do. Just why can't it be in our half of the draw? I mean, Schiavonia are ranked better than any of the teams still playing in Quakmybush, yet are behind three of the teams still playing here!"

"Luck of the draw, I guess."

"Well, it's been an enjoyable stay here in Az-cz. But we've already booked our plane tickets back to Race Track for after the Krytenia game, from where we'll get the boat home. World Cup 33, it's been good to be here!"

"Look, why don't we make the most of our time at the Mil-Bax Emporium? The Schiavone team have come here to re-adjust their sight during the break between group stage and knockouts, although one member of the travelling party didn't seem to chuffed."

"Really? Who would that be?"

"That would be team manager Tony Tarmey."

"Oh. Why so?"

"Well, those boots of his that were reported missing during the qualifiers... well, he's found them."

"Oh, really. That's great news! Where were they?"

"Here."

"What?"

"Stolen by some cheeky gnomes."

"The bastards!"

"However, when the organisers told him that it was all for charity, to which his reply was simply, 'Well, why didn't you just ask?'"

"So... he let them off the hook?"

"Oh, no. He stole them back."

"Well, you can't go round trusting theives, can you? So impolite and disrespectful."

"Exactly."

"But we don't need to worry too much. We'll lose to Krytenia tomorrow and then we'll be off home, out of this renegade hellhole."

"Sounds like you can't wait to get out of here!"

"I can't! See you all tomorrow, folks!"

"For Schiaovnia versus Krytenia!"

"Actually, I meant when we get home after the game."

"Oh."

Wentland vs Elves Security Forces will be played in the Fort Erie Stadium

Geisenfried vs Bettia will be played at the Jinkton City Field

The Enlightener: resistance is quite handy, actually
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Progress Marred by Ref's Howler

Bettia..............................4 (A.Busilanta 13 15, P.Busilanta 77, B.Busilanta 81)
Alasdair I Frosticus......3 (Curcuaso 34 59, Logothetes 72)

"The referee's a wanker! The referee's a wanker!", repeated ad nauseum is a common chant heard around many football grounds around the world - well, perhaps not so common in the more religious nations such as the Holy Empire or indeed in Bettia itself, although it would be heard a lot in our rougher, rowdier puppet nation somewhere to the north. You know the ones. Anyway, this writer digresses.

Although this victory sees the Aroras edge into the quarter-finals, and maybe even one step closer to the hallowed ground of the World Cup final itself, this match will probably be remembered for a calamitous refereeing blunder that some pundits would say handed this game to Bettia when it seemed they could easily lose it.

The game started well enough for the Aroras. They were quickly into their stride, with the Busilanta triplets up front playing the sort of football that the Bettian hordes have grown to love, their intricate passing movements doing all sorts of mischief to the beleagured Frostican defenders. As is their want, they seem to take it in turns to do the goalscoring honours, and this time it was Andi Busilanta who was on the receiving end of one of these plays in the thirteenth minute to slot the ball home from just five yards out, with the goalkeeper helplessly stranded at the opposite corner of his goal area after being drawn out by Peri Busilanta. Two minutes later, and the on-form striker was on-target once again, defeating Prodomoso with a thunderbolt that the young keeper could only flap at.

Two-nil very nearly became three when Said bin Said Ismail launched a huge throw into the Frostican penalty area. Budi Busilanta's flick-on was met by Budi, but Prodomoso atoned for his earlier errors by expertly fingertipping the striker's firm top-corner-bound header around the post.

The Aroras continued to make the early running, but it was the Holy Empire who scored the next goal quite against the run of play. Comneno's long clearance from Bettia's fourth corner of the day was collected by Phocaso on the right wing, whose surging run was completed with a swinging cross which Curcuaso was only too happy to slam into the roof of the net to give his team a glimmer of hope.

That glimmer of hope turned into a blazing inferno fourteen minutes into the second half as the Holy Empire, who were visibly gaining in confidence after their goal, won their first corner thanks to a deflected shot. From the resulting set-piece, Curcuaso was on hand to snaffle the ball up after the Bettian defenders failed to clear it during a goalmouth scramble.

After taking their well-earned equaliser, the confidence of the Frosty ones grew even more, with Bettia's waning in contrast. Curcuaso in particular was looking extremely dangerous... until an inpromptu twinge in his hamstring saw him limp off the field to a standing ovation from his fans. If they feared that their side's attacking prowess would be lessened by his departure, they didn't worry for long thanks to his replacement, young Jesus Logothetes, who made an instant impact thanks to his stunning 30-yard shot which took a wicked deflection off Hartiyanto to put the Holy Empire in front for the first.

Was that the turning point? A bit of a pointless question, as those with a memory longer than that of a goldfish will probably know that wasn't the case. The turning point came just four minutes later as Bandasera took on Comneno and Choniates on the wing. As the three came together, Choniates crudely hacked the Bettian player down in full stride, but to everyone's amazement, the referee showed the yellow card to Comneno. To compound the error, that was the defender's second booking, resulting in an early bath for the unfortunate innocent party, and the Holy Empire being a man down when they should just have had an yellow card on their record.

After the howls of protest had died down, the game resumed and Bettia were quick to make the most of their advantage. Once again, it was the Busilanta triplets who did the damage, laying off short crisp passes just outside the penalty area before Peri gathered the ball and burst inside to fire the Aroras back on level terms. Four minutes later, and the comeback was complete after Kurniawan was tripped wide on the left. Now, after Andi and Peri had done so well to get onto the scoresheet, Budi wasn't going to let his brothers hog all the glory, and so it was no surprise that he was first to meet Barry Scott's cross to glance the ball past Prodomoso in the Frostican goal.

And so, with determination, grit, and more than a smidgeon of good fortune, the Aroras find themselves in the quarter-finals for the second time in their history. They remain at the Jinkton City Field, where their opponents will be Geisenfried, who stunned the hosts Quakmybush 3-0 in their second round matchup. When asked about their next opponents, team captain Mitchell Ellis told The Enlightener "Well, it looks like they're a good team - after all, you don't get to the quarts by being crap! It's a shame they wear so much red though. It's not as bad as Turori, but I reckon the Azurlens™ could be making another appearance!"


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

World Cup Knockout Stages

QF: Geisenfried.............Jink
2R: Alasdair I Frosticus....Jink....W 4-3

First Round, Group D

01: Rejistania..............Quak....D 2-2
02: Turori..................Quak....W 2-1
03: Yafor 2.................Quak....W 4-3

Friendly

FR: Az-Cz...................Away....W 4-2

Qualifying Group 1

01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME....D 3-3
11: Bostopia................Away....W 5-0
12: Kelssek.................HOME....W 5-1
13: Marceau State...........Away....W 3-1
14: New Propagandia.........HOME....W 3-0
15: Collonie................Away....W 5-3
16: Lovisa..................HOME....W 1-0
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-0
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME....W 4-1

Diary Entry 022

It has been a strange few days since last we played a match, and the complacency has been taking an a small root in the locker room. While everyone else has been hanging out and watching the other quarter final matches, I've been talking with the team psychiatrist, trying to sort out the motions that I've been going through. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with me, just the natural curiousity of the human spirit is driving these odd emotions. I think he might have a point, but I don't want to rush to conclusions. Suffice to say, I will be trying to put this behind me for the time being, as the team needs me to be at my fullest if we are to perform to our standards, and move forward in this grand event.

I feel honored honestly, to be captain of such a great squad that is performing quite well in the most prestigious tournament in the world. What kind of respect must Dogood and my squad must have for me if they annoint me with this title. I have to give credit to my stiking buddies however, for if they were not on the other end of my crosses and corners, my resume would not be as good as it is. These moments will trully be ones we will take with us for the rest of our life, and be able to tell our children and their children about how the Dynamo became national heros by merely playing a game. It might be folly for such fame, glory, and honor to come from merely an entertainment industry, but as those quirky elves in the ESF have proven, anything that strengthens the will of an indvidual is bound to have some good merit in it.

Lastly, the graceful and elegant Samantha Black has finally given me the sign I have been yearning for, and she has agreed to start dating me after the tournament. This trully warms my heart, as I will hopefully no longer be the lonely, philosophic bachelor searching for their soul mate. If Samantha proves to be the one, then it will strengthen my resolve that all things on this earth work out for a reason, be that a hand from fate or a god type entity having a hand in it. Perhaps it will also allow me to renew my faith that their is a higher purpose in this world for humanity, and that there may well be havens and hells awaiting our souls when they part the living plane.

~ David Masteron

Demot Daily ~ Into the Realm Eternal

The Dynamo are walking tall these days, as they not only moved on into the Round of 16, but also managed to take the group despite a final matchday loss against the Robbers. The squad was able to do so thanks to a couple of goals in the dying minutes of the affair with Az-cz and a Milchama smashing of Northern Bettia, four to nil. All in all, the squad performed quite admirably in the group stage, and were rewarded with a very winnable match against the Turtles of Sel Appa, which many of the outside media are predicting a complete domination by Dynamo over the Turtles. The crazy elves even have predicted an out of this world score line of five to one. I always knew those elves were off thier rocker, but that is just plain crazy talk. While I do expect the Dynamo to dispatch of the Turtles, I do not believe that it will be as easy as these media outlets are predicting, as I am giving those record changers a thirty-three percent chance to pull the upset.

"Well, they definately have got the detirmination and will power to pull the upset, but I do think that our talent and chemsity will be the tumph card when the dust settles. When you have a core group of players that have been playing together for almost sixteen years, they have the ability to predict each others moves and make passes that would otherwise seem improbable. With that much time together and playing also comes expierence that is vital at this stage on the grandest stage availble for the footballing communuity. Ultimately, if our midfield is up to par, and our strikers find their groove, this talk of an upset will be mute and the team will be discussing ways on how to overcome their next oppenent." said the steller manager of Dogood in a statement after the squad's training session this afternoon.

In the likely scenario of a Dynamo victory, they would most likely get to vie with the Squornshelous squad, whom the Dynamo toppled on the final matchday last tournament when they were defending champions and the world's number one. In the unlikely event of an Errinundera upset of the Squorns, the squad would have to be wary. Their record against the Erris is zero wins, one draw, and one loss. While the draw does give spme hope to that scenario, the Dynamo would prefer to play against a squad they have a .500+ record against. In other action to come, the Crusaders of Jeruselem look to have an easy set up against the Gnomes, as the co hosts will be hoping that playing in thier home will be enough to tackle the form the Crusaders are in. However, I think that the Jerus continue on in impressive style as both cohosts will be gone in the round of sixteen. Finally the Schaivonia side gets to tackle the Aces of Krytenia, the number one ranked squad in the world at the moment. The Schaivonia side is more in form than the number one squad, and that little bit of edge sees them through, leaving the Quarter match ups to be this.

Wentland v Elves Security Forces
Geisenfried v Bettia
Demot v Squornshelous
Jeruselem v Schaivonia

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Before the Swifts took the pitch for their historic second round match
Norman Hacker had a few words to say.

"You've not seen these...look how the rest of the world thinks of us..."

The players watched as Hacker pinned up various newspapers on the
dressing-room wall.

Then we have Wentland, who managed to break their curse last time at
World Cup 32, and have returned once again...they aren't exactly
outstanding...one win, zero draws, and two losses for third place...
"That's from Geisenfried. What did they say when we won?"

Wentland's luck should catch up to them right about now...

The players scoffed. Hacker pinned another one on the wall.

perennial underachieving whipping boys Wentland... "The Holy Empire.
Dream on, lads. Sel Appa also had us out early doors...as did most of the
others...but these ones are quite interesting:"

We don't see how Qazox cannot make the knockouts...The Lowland Clans also
seem destined for the knockouts...

"That's from the pointy-ears...we'll have them if we win today,
probably...and once we went through what did they say?

Wentland on the other hand needed a huge bundle of luck to progress out
of the group stage, and looks severely outmatched here. Expect them to make
of match of it during the first half, but the talent of the Bazalopes proves
strong in the second half.

"Prove them wrong, boys...prove them wrong."

***

The start could have been better. Wentland were somewhat unnerved by the
lack of corner-flags and the game was delayed whilst these were found - and
none were planted in the Wentland royal blue. The Bazalopes won the toss
and kicked off. It was passed deep to Assington who picked up the ball,
ambled forward with it as Wentland retreated, then suddenly accelerated into
the area where he was felled by a retreating Clay. Fifty-three seconds from
kick-off, the first Wentland player to touch the ball was Crash Robinson -
picking it out of the net, he had gone to the right whereas Ricky Yunn went
down the middle.

Fortunately Bazalonia spent most of the first half poncing around and
passing it amongst themselves. The statistics showed 88% possession for the
Bazalopes after a quarter of the match minutes and that was not flattering.
Clay had been booked for repeated lunges at the admirable Assington and when
Wentland did get the ball the tackles from Swift, Chia and Myfanwy kept the
hapless Swifts at bay.

But there was always hope and this was provided by the even more hapless
Fjord, who seemed intent on playing the ball out of defence in his own
idiosyncratic way. And this gave Wentland the unexpected break they
needed. Fjord passed it to an inattentive Chia, who had just instructed him
to belt it upfield, and the ball bounced back of Chia's ankles. The only
alert player was lumbering Lennie Newton, who intercepted and suddenly found
himself being brought down by the recovering Fjord. Inside or outside the
area? The referee Mr Ron thought it was inside - and Joe Weston made it one
apiece.

And suddenly it was all Wentland. Bazalonia tried to ease the ball past the
Wentland defence, but there was a new bite from the Swifts and sudden doubts
in the Bazalopes. Maybe they would sort something out at half-time? Well,
maybe, but they would have to do so when behind, as right on the break a
shot from Weston deflected off Georsophalus into the path of Newton who
toe-poked it past an off-balance Kanga. And it was 2-1.

Ricky Yunn got booked for dissent at the break, perhaps because a distraught
Myfanwy had hurled the ball at Mr Ron as the whistle went, but it was now
Bazalonia chasing the game.

Finally the Swifts' defence could prove how they managed the best defensive
record in qualifying. And in a resolute rearguard action meant that
Bazalonia's attack resembled a tidal wave against an impermeable cliff.
Savage was magnificent despite treading a discriplinary tightrope and the
much-maligned Bassett imperious in his domination. Assington went down in
the area seeking another penalty after a bump with Jarvis, and Wentland
hearts were in mouths as the Bazalope fans cheered when the whistle blew,
but the referee pointed the other way and booked an incandescent Assington
for diving.

In the final few minutes both Richards and Smith were on as substitutes as
Bazalonia threw everyone forward but the area was too crowded and no
clear-cut chances were created. In the fourth minute of injury-time a
corner was given, but it was too easy for Crash Robinson to pluck out of the
air to the relieved cheers of the Swifts - followed by an earth-shattering
roar when the final whistle blew. Wentland in the last eight? Was it All
Fools' Day?

RP cutoff

Demoted

After an intense game, the Turtles were sent home by Demot. Miquelinho's lone goal was insufficient against the Dynamo, who scored two against. The Turtles did not play up to par and were a bit tired and overwhelmed by qualifying and then going through. They mostly held a defensive position for most of the match. Demot scored first in the 15th minute and held it for the rest of the half. Miquelinho was able to sneak in at the 50th minute. Demot quickly brought back their lead not five minutes later. Demot refused to let any more goals get past, despite many Sel Appan attempts. Sel Appan captain Estevez remarked that he hoped they would get to a shootout, confident they were good at penalties. However, this would not happen. Demot won and tried to rub it in, but the Sel Appan players were content with making it this far and looked to the next Cup.

After the match, most players were positive about the outcome. Estevez said: "It was much-needed experience and gave us a look at the Final 32. I think next time we'll do better." Coach Charles DuPont noted that Demot was not an easy team and "we played well". He seemed optimistic about the next Cup as well and said this provides experience for the Cup of Harmony if Sel Appa doesn't qualify. Miquelinho, the rookiee addition to the team seemed quite positive. He scored the final goal for Sel Appa in its World Cup debut. He also seems optimistic about future World Cups.

Retirement is on the minds of some. Estevez hinted before the Cup that he might retire, but may have changed his mind by looking forward to the next Cup. There are rumors of Alan Dubrov being sold to a club in Cafendeu. He currently plays for Eniarku Dynamo. He would still remain on the national team. The FFSA Board is meeting on President Henri LePoivre's tenure and there are rumors he might be fired. Both sides have no comment. In other news, the Bostopia-Sel Appa bid to host the 21st Baptism of Fire has failed in favor of the Cafendeu bid. President Henri LePoivre said that Cafendeu is too inexperienced to host yet.

<A tearful Dazza Dallas and Wayne Wayne>

Wayne: This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Well, the dream is over. There's no World Cup for Jeruselem.
Dazza: Yes, the dream is over. Jeruselem join Ariddia, Starblaydia and other big seeds to fail.

Wayne: We have an official announcement. Debbie Dallas has retired from football and her official replacement is her sister.
Dazza: Yes, Dazza is now the new Jeruselem coach. I'm going make sure we will win the next cup.

Wayne: Put it this way, Dazza will be the World Cup's sexiest coach ever, tits and all.
Dazza: Yes, and next World Cup. I have quit my job as team reporter. Monique Alexander and Dinkie Dosha will take over as the team reporters.

Wayne: Today, we lost to Az-cz, in a penalty shoot-out after scores were locked at 1 ALL.
Dazza: Dinkie scored Jeruselem's only goal in the 2nd half and it wasn't enough.

Wayne: Dinkie's did a Dazza emo today. I think we have new Dazza, she's doing all the Dazza things so far.
Dazza: Now, it's that a good sign?

Wayne: Poor Dinkie. She actually scored three times but got called off-side twice.
Dazza: I think Rashina looked like she was going punch out the ref twice too.

Wayne: We had a closer look at one of goals, Dinkie was on-side.
Dazza: God I hate penalties.

Wayne: Dazza's upset as always when we lose.
Dazza: Blind ref ... the Az-cz play was off-line when they scored.

Wayne: A summary of the 2nd round games. Wentland upset Bazalonia TWO ONE, and well Wentland are making waves. The Elves smashed Turori FOUR TWO to keep on rolling! Geisenfried stopped the hosts QuakMyBush THREE ONE to keep the higher seeds in the race. Bettia did Nedalians and Jeruselemites proud by putting down Alasdair I Frosticus FOUR THREE. Demot ended the dream run for Sel Appa winning TWO ONE. Squornshelous flew the flag for the old generation removing Errinundera from the equation, THREE ONE. Az-cz, hosts, upset 3rd seed Jeruselem. Schiavonia upset Krytenia ONE NIL but I wouldn't call it a real upset.

Dazza: I'm going to be covering Bettian games and cheering on the Aroras, well tits and all as they say.
Wayne: So Nedalians and Jeruselemites - get your Bettian gear from JGN and get to the Bettian games.

Dazza: Anyway, I'm going get my stuff back now. I know where it is. If they want to keep on using it, I'm going to get cut of money at least.
Wayne: Don't get in way of Dazza, she's goes all they way in terms of action. No half-way house.

Dazza: The quarter finals! Wentland take on the Elves. I think Elves will win that. Bettia and Geisenfried lock horns, and we are supporting Bettia all the way. Demot run into Squornshelous, Squornshelous should win unless they implode again. Schiavonia play the remaining host Az-cz, but Schiavonia should win this after taking out Krytenia.
Wayne: I'm going home but Dazza will be at the Bettian game.

Dazza: I just have find that Bettian cheerleader dress again.
Wayne: I think it's in Az-cz.

Dazza: They'd better give it back or Dazza's going be real unhappy.
Wayne: That's it from me. Dazza will back when Bettia take on Geisenfried. GO ARORAS

Dazza: Now I have get my stuff back Wayne. See you later.

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

DEFEAT WITH HONOUR
Imperial Squad Excused From Ritual Suicide

By Anna Comneno

After narrowly failing to reach the quarterfinals of the World Cup for the first time since World Cup 2, the Imperial Squad were last night relieved to discover that they would be excused from committing the ritual suicide required by their contracts. Holy Empire Football Association officials were quick to announce that since the loss resulted from a calamitous refereeing error when the match official mistakenly sent off Comneno for a second yellow instead of showing a first yellow to the richly-deserving Choniates.

HEFA later clarified that the clause requiring ritual suicide following a humiliating knock-out stage loss was buried in an endnote to a footnote to a subparagraph on page 659 of the players' contracts. "Looked dicey when Bettia went 2-0 up" said a senior official, speaking on condition of anonymity "and we had the Mystical Sabres of Self-Annihilation ready and polished - but the lads pulled through. Shocking decision by the ref - but the Bettia boys can hardly be blamed for that, and we wish them well."

Players vying for a spot on the Imperial squad for World Cup 34 are said to be consulting their lawyers closely before signing a contract.

In other news, HEFA officials also revealed that the flaw in the Zwangzug World Cup Organisational Software that caused a scandal that had threatened to derail the Holy Empire's WC34 co-host bid with Ariddia had been resolved, and that an announcement on the improved version of the software was expected shortly.

Amda-Mo: Wow. Just wow. Knocking off last cup's runners up in penalties.

Lur-Mn: Just as I said the team held on in regular time and pulled it out in extra time.

Amda-Mo: Take us through the key points of the match, starting in the first half.

Lur-Mn: Well the first piece of big news was that Nerazzurri was on the bench not in the starting lineup. The coaches played it close to the bench and no one knew till the players came out for introductions. There was a definite murmur in the crowd when the fans realized that. And the Crusaders took advantage, dominating the first half.

Amda-Mo: How did they do it?

Lur-Mn: Well Du-Tre clearly wasn't ready for the speed and ability of the Jeruselem strikers. The only reason we took an even score into half was Gn-Lg was on top of his game and the Jeruselem strikers seem to have forgot the offsides rule.

Amda-Mo: The Jeruselem players were saying they were robbed and they should've had more goals.

Lur-Mn: I'm very suprised by that. I thought of Jeruselem as being good sports. Watching those calls they were miles offsides. Just because a call goes the way of the home team doesn't make it bias. They weren't following the rules. Similarly our goal was most certainly onsides. We pride ourselves on playing within the rules. It's not our fault Jeruselem doesn't. That being said, they were the better team for most of the match, so it's understandable that they'd vent in such a situation.

Amda-Mo: How were they the better team?

Lur-Mn: Look at the number of shots in the first half: 12 for Jeruselem and only 3 for us. We had one player who was SuperGnome out there and he saved the whole team.

Amda-Mo: So we went to the half down. What changed at the half?

Lur-Mn: Not much they were still in control and finally snuck the ball past Gn-Lg in the 4th minute after the break.

Amda-Mo: How did the team finally flip the switch.

Lur-Mn: It's hard to say really. I the three main midfielders just made a great combination play and stole the goal in the 78th minute. Hubertino's dispossesion of Dinkie Dallas, his pass to Pizelkaxrovsky and P-Rov's beautiful through ball to Kn-Dg for the equalizer was magic. After that both teams were both just trying to hold on for dear life.

Amda-Mo: How about the extra period?

Lur-Mn: It seemed as if both teams were trying to play for PKs. The Crusaders probably thought that we'd fold under the pressure and their experience would carry us through and we felt confident with two amazing kickers and a on form keeper supported by the home crowd that we'd get by. So there were few chances, with us coming closest as a shot by Stanleyinho just slid by the post. The coaches had cleverly saved a sub so that Uz-Gz could come in fresh for the penalties. Thankfully he wasn't needed, but having another good taker could have been important.

Amda-Mo: Take us through the PKs, starting with the selection order.

Lur-Mn: Beautiful choices by the coaches. They like to play "hide the piggy", that is put the weakest takers in the middle spots of 2 and 4. So open with Ip-Gp, the best, then Levesque, then Kn-Dg in the middle, then Stanleyinho, and then Pizelkaxrovsky fifth.

Amda-Mo: What's the logic behind that? I think most teams like to put all their best takers first.

Lur-Mn: The idea, and it's one that I agree with, is that if you don't think you can make it to the last kickers with any setup you're probably gonna lose anyways, so you should put the best kickers in the pressure spots. Clearly fifth is the biggest pressure if you're taking it. You're either kicking to stay alive or to win. And going first is so important so as not to give the other team an early advantage. I personally think fourth is more important than third, but some people view the third spot as a momentum spot.

Amda-Mo: I see. How did the team recover from Levesque missing the second shot?

Lur-Mn: It hurt. And with Jeruselem following it up with an easy tap in to move ahead things looked bleak. I give Hubertino a ton of credit to keeping the team focused there. And of course Kn-Dg, Pizelkaxrovsky and most of all Gn-Lg were extremely confident. Gn-Lg has made a number of huge PK saves in his career so he was confident he could get at least one.

Amda-Mo: Indeed he did, getting Jeruselem's third after Kn-Dg's goal to tie things up again. Explain the pressure and your feelings going into kick five.

Lur-Mn: Well we were clearly in better shape at this point with a hot keeper and both Pizelkaxrovsky, and if necessary Uz-Gz ready to go whereas Jeruselem had already burnt through all of their best shots. Pizelkaxrovsky's goal was amazing. I don't think there was a person in the stadium other than him who knew where that shot was going. And when Gn-Lg tipped the ball over the post, the stadium went understandably nuts.

Amda-Mo: Overall thoughts on the game.

Lur-Mn: Gn-Lg saved us today. He deserved that Man of the Match award. If he keeps playing like that we'll be nearly impossible to beat, but it would be foolish to expect another performance like that.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead our next match is against Schiavonia. How do we match up with them?

Lur-Mn: Well both teams look much improved from when we met in World Cup 31. Although there ranking hasn't gone up much, they've been absolutely awesome this cup. And a lot of their players are still around from the squad that clocked us twice back then in 4-2 and 3-0 losses. And our own personal tormentor, Colin Chester is now the full on star of that team.

Amda-Mo: How can we slow Chester down?

Lur-Mn: It will be tough, especially if Nerazzurri isn't ready to go. My guess is that Hubertino will spend the WHOLE GAME marking Chester. Considering he's gone for hat tricks against us twice, in just two matches, he's the key to the match. We just need to play well and hope he has some struggles.

Amda-Mo: What about the offense?

Lur-Mn: I think we'll be able to find goals. It ought to be an excellent game and could go either way. I think it really will come down to which of the stars has the better game, Pizelkaxrovsky or Chester. I don't think either team will be much suprised by the other.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the other matches. First let's check out the other match in Az-cz, Demot and Squornshelous.

Lur-Mn: Clearly on paper this is the biggest mismatch. Squornshelous is just one cup removed from a title where as Demot is only in their second cup ever. However the Demotians have played well against tough competition all cup. Topping our group in group play and qualifying from a very difficult qualifying group. Squornshelous ought to win, but if they get caught looking ahead to the semis they'll be in trouble.

Amda-Mo: How about the matchups in Quakmybush? Let's look first at Geisenfried and Bettia.

Lur-Mn: Other than Squornshelous these are the only other two teams remaining with trips to the quarterfinals, and Geisenfried's other trip came last cup on home soil. Bettia's came way back in world cup 25. So while these are the next most decorated teams, neither is a world power. Geisenfried's looked awesome since the 88th minute against Qazox, and Bettia just keeps on getting it done. When the matchup is burst of brilliance versus lots of good, take the lots of good in most situations. So I think Bettia is the call here.

Amda-Mo: That leaves Wentland versus Elves Security Forces. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Well not many people thought either team would be here. In fact many doubted if they'd even make the cup much less qualify for the knockouts and win a game there. But one of them will go from can't make the world cup straggler to semifinalist this cup. Elves Security Forces have definitely been in better form really turning it on since their struggles at the start of qualifying. Clearly it will be about who stamps their will on the match. If it's defensive Wentland will triumph and if not the elves will advance to the semis. I think it's very up in the air, so I'll say that it gets decided on penalties. The winner is anybody's guess.

Amda-Mo: Interesting predictions. Thanks for your thoughts. Good luck to the team against Schiavonia. Good night.

It was a superb spring morning in the Blessed Realm, the sort of spring morning that makes you feel glad to be alive. The sun is shining, the air is clear (as it always is in Bettia, even in the big cities), and the birds are chirruping away merrily as they crap on people's heads without a care in the world. Even the comedy tumbleweed seems to have a spring in its step as it bounces happily down the deserted Pifton High Street.

A similar scene of happiness and joy can be seen in the Pie and Pixie, everyone's favourite sports café, where Bettia's progress to the World Cup quarter-finals is saluted by the drinking of copious amounts of celebratory tea and the scoffing of dozens of scones (some with jam). Yes, everyone's in attendance, all present and correct - but George isn't in his usual spot, at his table near the front with his best friend Ali. No - today, he's been watching the game from behind the counter with his new fiancée, the café owner Doris.

Indeed, old George is madly in love. So much in fact that his shrine to Dazza has been replaced to his shrine to Doris. Very charming I'm sure you'll agree, but not nearly as pleasing to the eye.

As the P&P's big screen relays live pictures of the Aroras players leaving the field in triumph, George halts the celebrations by tapping on his teacup with a spoon.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?"

"What?! There are gentlemen here? No way!" Ali joked.

"Yes, very funny. Now, me and Doris have an announcement to make. We had a little talk the other night and, well, it's obvious that neither of us are getting any younger..."

"What gave you that idea?" a cheeky voice piped up from the back.

"Oh give over you lippy young ragamuffin. Anyway, me and Doris aren't getting any younger, so we've decided to make plans for our wedding day a bit early."

"How early?"

"Well, hopefully before the Bettia-Geisenfried match... about half an hour before kickoff, to be exact."

"Blimey George, that's, like tomorrow! Where are you going to have it?"

"That's just it. With any luck, it'll actually be at the Bettia-Geisenfried match. Look - we've just sent a fax to the Quakmybush FA..." George said proudly as he handed a piece of paper to Ali.



TO: Jinkton City Field / Quakmybush Football Association
FROM: George Hassan Baghni, c/o The Pie & Pixie, 37 High Street, Pifton, Gabalfa, Bettia

Dear Sir / Madam

Forgive the short notice, but I am writing to request permission to have the wedding of myself and my good lady friend Doris conducted on the Jinkton City Field pitch before the quarter-final match between Bettia and Geisenfried.

Please?

Pretty please?

Oh go on. I'll be your bestest friend in the whole wide world ever. We love Bettia, and this World Cup is great.

Please? I am 82, you know.


Best Regards
George



Ali's face drew a 'nobody home' expression as he read the fax.

"Well Ali? What do you think? Too formal?"

"Erm... no, not at all. They'd be fools not to allow this request."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, of course. They probably get requests like this all the time."

"Really?"

"Really. Just one thing though - who's coming?"

"Everyone here. We leave in an hour, so you'd better get your passports!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! George, are you out of your mind? Not all of us can afford to just go swanning off all over the world at the drop of a hat!"

"Not to worry, it's all taken care of." George replied grinning as he produced a thick envelope from his pocket and emptied the contents onto the countertop. "We bought everyone plane tickets, plus some choice seats for the game itself."

A huge collective gasp rose - it was so huge, it semed as though the café itself was gasping.

"You... bought everyone tickets... to go to Quakmybush and see the game?"

"Uh-huh!"

A short pause... followed by a "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!"

As the even huger roar rang out across the streets of Pifton, two old ladies who were over the road walking their aroras stopped and looked at each other.

"That's odd - I thought the match had already finished."

The Schiavone Scribe
Berry Trumps Aces
Schiavonia 1-0 Krytenia

It was the game that a number of Schiavones thought, nay hoped, we would lose.

The pre-cup world number one team against a scattering of forty-six islands from the north west of The League. That region of fallen powers and never weres. The only decent teams that had ever come from there were from Rejistania.

Now the Sloths seem to be changing that. Another game without defeat, taking their run to... absolutely bloody ages since they last lost. And this is probably the most significant one of the lot. Against a team that are supposedly the best, just off the back of a win against a fellow top four team.

To be quite honest, both teams were bloody awful. The sloths took a lot of time to adjust to playing without their blindfolds on, while Krytenia just didn't seem up for it. Apart from beating Squornshelous, they've not exactly set the world alight this cup. Not that we're suggesting that Krytenians are arsonists or anything. Althought that could be one for the Mammoth Compendium of World Cup lies World Cup 34 edition.

And so the game looked to be fading out into a boring goalless draw. That was, until Tony Tarmey decided to do what most Schiavone fans never thought they'd see happen.

Colin Chester came off.

Jerry Berry was his replacement. And the change sparked the game into life.

Berry didn't look as dazed as some of his team mates. And it was just what the sloths needed. First of all, a foul on him led to a free kick on the edge of the penalty area, from which Will Caine hit the bar. Then, with time running short, Isla Blige went on a mazy run through the Krytenian midfield, played a one-two with her sister and slotted the ball through the Aces defence for Berry, who slotted home.

Cue a bemused look from the Schiavone fans, who had been expecting to be going home after this game. And, after the spate of thefts that have occured since their arrival in this country, some of them were wanting to go home, too.

And who do they get in the next stage? The thieving hosts. After some unpleasant experiences here, it would be quite fitting that they stole the Sloths unbeaten record, too.

Final Score
Schiavonia 1 (Berry 87)
Krytenia 0


Isla Obliges

With the release of Virtual Strumpet in Jeruselem, allowing fans to have a pretty young female footballer on their own computers. It was given a big marketing drive across the World Cup, with Dazza Dallas seemingly everywhere at the moment.

However, what they don't tell you is who's Virtual Strumpet is selling the most copies.

Quite predictably, the two top sellers are the Dazza Dallas and deluxe Dazza Dallas. However, there's a new face on the block at number three. And she's not even from Jeruselem.

Step forward Schiavonia's own Isla Blige.

Young Isla is outselling everyone else, including the make-your-own pack. And it's no wonder.

"It's taken me completely by surprise!" Isla told us. "I thought it would be a fun thing to do, but I didn't think I'd make so much out of it!"

Of course, with the Schiavone team in Az-cz currently, Isla has been walking around in traditional local dress lately. Absolutely nothing. And it's been turning heads.

We tried to interview some fans about Isla, but they were drooling too much to understand.

And will there be an XXX version of Isla?

"Probably not. Well, not unless Dazza wants to join me."

Now that really would sell!


Tactics Board Found

Meanwhile, Schiavonia team manager Tony Tarmey has found his lost tactics board.

The board is thought to have been stolen by locals during Schaivonia's opening group game against The Archregimancy, but dumped nearby after the culprits couldn't figure out what exactly it was they had stolen.

"To be fair, we were playing a blindfolded game," Tarmey commented, "So there wasn't really much use for a tactics board. So they must have taken it and then realised that it was pretty useless, and so dumped it."

Indeed, Tarmey attributed his teams poor performance against Krytenia to the lack of his tactics board instead of the players adjusting to the light.

"We've been training in normal conditions since after the Starblaydia game," he continued, "So that was no excuse for our lacklustre performance."

Fortunately, The tactics board will be back in time for the quarter-final against Az-cz. And security has been upped since the board was stolen. So we shouldn't be seeing a repeat of that incident.


Sloths Not Among Favourites

Schiavone Betsmen have announced that, despite their win over Krytenia and long unbeaten run, and also being the second highest ranked team left in the cup, Schiavonia are not amongst the favourites to win World Cup 33.

After the elimination of Jeruselem, Squornshelous are now heavy favourites to go all the way, being the only team in the top four still in. Following them are the most fancied team in the other half of the draw, Bettia, and hosts Az-cz.

"The draw has not been kind to the Sloths." said Winston Victory, a betsman in Kinsbury, "The chances are, they'll have to play two of the top four sides in the world, plus one of the hosts, just to get to the final. And considering that those self same hosts have just beaten a much fancied and in-form Jeruselem team, well... it doesn't bode well, does it?"

Indeed, the sloths are currently tied fourth favourites with Geisenfried and Wentland. The full odds on offer in Schiavonia are as follows...

9/4 Squornshelous
4/1 Bettia
5/1 Az-cz
15/2 Geisenfried, Schiavonia, Wentland
10/1 Elves Security Forces
14/1 Demot

<Somewhere in Az-cz>

Dazza Dallas dressed as a nun was walking around a certain place where football goods were being exhibited called Mil-Bax Emporium. She was looking for her own exhibit and well, it wasn't hard to find at all. After looking at all the other stolen or donated stuff, she approached the organisers at the Mil-Bax Emporium.

"Excuse me, that Dazza Dallas exhibit over their. It's pornographic, indecent and corrupting the children of this nation. You should return the stuff to the owner who probably wants it back. I think that's God's will and the decent Catholic thing to do" she started acting like any nun.

Dazza then threw the hood back and showed her face to reveal herself as Dazza Dallas. "OK, can I have my stuff back. Or, you want to cut some sort of deal with me?" in a more business like tone and it was not friendly. With Jeruselem losing to Az-cz, she wasn't in the mood to be nice.

"I tell you what you can do. You can keep that until the end of this World Cup 33 and then return it. BUT in return, you have become licensed seller of Dazza Dallas merchandise and pay me my royalties as any other reseller. Is that a reasonable deal?"

She pulled out some DVDs including Virtual Strumpet - Dazza Dallas original, the deluxe Dazza Dallas add-on and the recently hot Isla Blige add-on. "You can sell stuff like this and make money and be legal. We both win out of this." she said.

Sh-Ark knew something bad was about to go down when he saw Dazza Dallas walk in the door. She thought a hood would keep her secret until she revealed herself. Of course Az-czzers being thieves by nature and upbringing most of them knew who she was immediately. While most of them were starstruck with her presence they figured that if she came in hooded cloak she clearly wanted to be left alone. So they did, being friendly peaceful people. Sh-Ark however knew it would be best to get the boss here as quickly as possible.

He showed up just in time to catch Dazza's little rant.

He then approached her and said, "Mrs. Dallas. So happy for you to join us. Excellent football match out there today. Too bad someone had to lose. As for your demands on becoming a seller of licensed Dazza goods, we simply can't make that deal. You see every Ex-Gx, and I do mean EVERY Ex-Gx is going to charity. Now as these are your things if you insist we will return them now. But if you do so you will be taking a lot of money from poor innocent children. Is that really what you want, the reputation of a woman who cares nothing about others and thinks only of accumulating as much money as possible for herself. I believe you are a better person than that. And of course in any situation we will return all of your things after the cup. But this exhibition simply can't be done for profit. So the question you must ask is, is money more important to you than your reputation and your values?"

All Set For A Letdown

Squornshelous have come this far looking pretty good, but as the highest ranked team remaining in the cup, we've become a target for everyone else. The Pschychoes are currently favored to win the cup, given 9:4 odds by Schiavonian bookies with Bettia and Az-Cz the top two teams after us at 4:1 and 5:1 respectively. A 3-1 win over Errinundera was vitally important to our drive, obviously because a loss would have sent us home, but also because we needed to rebound from our tough 3-2 loss to Krytenia. We've done that, but must now face Demot, who are the long shots for the title, but certainly shouldn't be overlooked.

The good news is that while Squornshelous may not be the most experienced team as far as players go, our coaches have lots of time logged late in the cup. Janne Aalto and Ivan Benelli both played midfield for the Pschychoes from starting in World Cup 29, and ending as important starters on the Championship Team of World Cup 31. In short, they've been here before. Only two other teams left in the cup have reached the quarterfinals before, and they're on the other side of the bracket from the Pschychoes. We have an overwhelming advantage in experience and class over the other teams on our side, and while some have had better form recently, especially Schiavonia, none of them have ever faced the pressure of being this deep in the cup before.

With that said, Squornshelous can't take this match for granted. Demot have been one of this cup's top teams as far as form goes, and they'd love nothing more than to upset the Pschychoes. We'll have to reamin focused and play mistake free football, while still sticking to our attacking gameplan. If we can put one or two goals in early, this inexperienced team will probably lose heart. However, if we let them make a close one of it, this match could easily turn against us.

Sh-Ark knew something bad was about to go down when he saw Dazza Dallas walk in the door ... So the question you must ask is, is money more important to you than your reputation and your values?"

Dazza wasn't too impressed
"Look, if you want to use Dazza Dallas name for real charity, please ask first. Stealing my luggage is not the way, I have my intellectual property to protect. What's wrong with just asking for donation? My Mum had be a prostitute just to feed the kids and I'm doing it build business empire so my family don't need to be on streets on survive. I'm also a business woman too and I need make money while I'm still good looking. So don't go lecturing me about accumulating wealth - unless you've lived on the streets too.Anyway, that display is a mess! I'm taking my Bettian stuff because I need it but I'm going to rearrange this messy display. I'll show you how it's done. And all this money better be going to charity or else I'll really be upset if I do find out it's going into your pockets."

<later>

"There you go. That's how you arrange a Dazza Dallas porn display. This should really pull in the crowd. You have to get focus right. Don't put in irrelevant stuff, and put the main thing in focus. The videos should be central to the display and the big focus." she said after totally rearranging everything. She took a small bag of Bettian themed clothes and left.

Elven Times
That tastes Good

Normally here, you would see a description of how the match played out, and the way each of the scorers achieved their goal, and how the squad gave up theirs, but the staff wanted to do something different today. So instead of the normal bull crap that we feed you after every match, we're letting the players send in ther comments about the game, and what they expect up next in their quaterfinal with the Wentland squad.

"Well, Turori is obviously a great squad, but they seemed lethargic today, and just a little loose in the ways of cohesivenss. All in all, it was a fair result for us, as me and the rest of the guys went out there and took destiny by reigns and rode it for all it was worth. Now we are just one win away from claiming no worse than fourth in our first ever Proper. It has been a wild ride, but one I am quite proud to be proud of and I'll be able to retire happily on." from stalwart defender Placibus Hardsworth.

"Those crazy cocoabos were all out of sorts out their on the pitch, but I guess that is the risk you run when you use crazy critters instead of a full human(or humananoid) squad. It was a scrappy match, and due has to be given to St. Louis for making some stellar saves while we struggled during the first half. However, when me and Tobias got it going in the second, it all turned out greeat. Now comes Wentland, who continue to defy the odds just like us. I expect them to come out swinging, espcially after our press has given them some piss poor chances of advancing from each round, but I know that we will be ready for them. If St. Louis and the bakcline played today, it just might be enough to tip the scales in this evenly looking match in our favor." were the comments from sassy striker Kyla Night.

"These Turori squads are nothing, I want a real challange. They call this seris a budding rivalry, but I would rather play Assegai, Demot, Fort Europe, or even those stinking Makaar squads than Turori, at least they have some class. Using those stupid cocoabos is clearly an unfair advantage and I would urge the World Cup Commitee to ban the use of them. Now these Wentland fellows, this is going to be a good match. Everyone disrespected their squad when making the group predictions, and then in the round of sixteen, yet they broke through the odds and are close to a coveted spot in the semis. However, I am not ready to let my squad roll over a play dead for the Cinderellas, for we are in the same boat. Prepare yourselves Wentland, I'm comoing with all my stregnth." and thus the challange is made from captain Zacharius.

Elves Security Forces 4
Kyla Night (51)
Zacharius (69)
Tobias Raynor (72)
Kyla Night (78)

Turori 2
Cocoabo #25 (11)
Cocoabo #29 (43)

Article by Luna Santapa

RP Cutoff

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths, live from Es-Ef, Az-cz. I'm Dana Lee..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone...."

"...and we're here to preview Schiavonia's quarter final game against their host nation. And Schiavone fans must be starting to fancy their chances now, Fil?"

"Actually, no."

"Really?"

"Really! We're playing what is essentially an away game against a team who have just beaten supposedly the best in the world."

"I thought you'd just done that?"

"No, we beat the team that were officially the best in the world at the beginning of qualifying. Truth be told, they were rubbish."

"Ah."

"Whereas Jeruselem had the players, the form and the recent history in their favour. Not just one or two of those like, say, Krytenia, Ariddia or Schiavonia have."

"So you don't rate the sloths' chances, then?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Against a team you've beaten well twice before..."

"They were different teams then."

"...and who have found Colin Chester to be one of the hardest players they've ever come up against."

"Well they're going to mark him out of the game, then. Obviously."

"But... is that possible?"

"Well, that's their tactic, isn't it? Hubertino will most likely be man marking Chestr throughout the game."

"IS that a wise idea though? I mean, it's not as if he does much other than shoot, is it?"

"It's not. And he only needs to get the better of you for one moment, and it's a goal. But I think the theory is, if they stop Colin Chester, they stop Schiavonia."

"Isn't that a flawed theory, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, surely if they're too busy concentrating on one player, the others can punish them?"

"Well, now you say that, I suppose it is possible. Arran Di Chula is a very big man, much bigger all the Az-cz defenders except Mario Nerazzuri. He's very strong, too, so he could very easily cause them some problems. And then there's Shiela Blige."

"What about her?"

"Well, the last time Schiavonia faced Az-cz, the Sloths running forward was Jermaine Edwards. Edwards main weapon was his pace, something that the gnomes could deal with easily. Shiela is different. She relies much more heavily on her skills, and that could be a very significant difference on the day."

"Does the fact that she's so small play in her advantage, too?"

"Normally, yes. And, indeed, if she can get herself in a one-on-one situation against Nerazzurri, then there will only likely be one winner. However, against some of the smaller players in the Az-cz team, the difference in height will be less significant."

"So, prediction time."

"Well, it's quite obvious we're going to lose. We're against the host nation, and as they're dirty thieves, it wouldn't be able to get us out of here quick enough."

"You heard it here off Fil first. Finally, a look at how the other half of the draw is progressing. And, would you believe it, there were no surprise results!"

"WHAT?"

"Yes, you heard it here first, both of the quarter finals in Quakmybush went pretty much as expected. Wentland beat the Elves two-one, while two reasonably evenly matched teams in Bettia and Geisenfried played out a draw, before Bettia went through on penalty kicks."

"Stop it! You're stating to make this cup sound boring and predictable!"

"Yeah, right! As if that's going to happen! So, join us for the next edition of World Cup Sloths. But from us, for now, goodnight!"

Elven Times
Recycle

Well, despite playing one of their better games in the tournament, the squads miracle run in the knockouts has finally came to a halt. The team was unable to get their offensive mojo working against the brutal defensive tactics of the Wentland oppisiton, and were felled two one in the quarters, leaving behind a challange for future Marauder squads to take up, and try to improve on. While this squad has put forth the best performance ever by a national team from the ESF in the most prestegious tournament in the footballing world, it's end marks the end for many common faces in the navy and black, as well as a managerial change. Following the dramatic loss to the Wentland side, the squad's manager, Michael Revtron, had a psychotic break, and has since been placed in a mental institution. The doctors describing his symptoms are implying that the mass amount of pressure the elf was under to win in it all caused this episode, and upon their order, he is to never manage high level football again. This leaves a vacancy for the Marauders top jop, and for the first time in history, they will be interviewing foriegners as well as elves from within their system. Deciding to retire from international fixtures are as follows:

CB #23 Clint Centron
RB #13 Placibus Hardsworth
CB #40 Kris Consmith
MF #32 Samuel Tatum
ST #24 Harden Swent
and the biggest suprise of them all
ST #8 Zacharius

We wish them well in the rest of their careers, whatever that may end up to, and look forward to a new wave of Marauder stars, lest this run be just a fluke in the eyes of the world.

Elves Security Forces 1
Zacharius (54)

Wentland 2
Francis "Frankie" Treves (42)
Andrew "The Sinner" Saint (79)

Article by Luna Santapa

OCC: I'm fielding requests for possible replacements, tg me with any you might have.

Diary Entry 023

This shall be the final entry in you, my World Cup diary I'm afraid. Not only am I finally finding some stability and peace in this turbalent times, but the squad also finds itself on a tetorious edge of the swords that is Squornshelous. Though I did lead the squad to frution against them last we met, both of us have drastically changed since that encounter. While I carry some weight of confidence from that victory, I know I have to walk that line carefully. Too much confidence will lead to a half baked effort on our side, and that will likely see us crushed under the heel of that mighty boot. On the other hand, if we go in with little confidence, we will be rolled over for the underpowered squad most of the media thinks us to be. This is a difficult line to walk, but being the captain, it is my responcibility to make sure that the squad performs to its capabilities. With that said, I plan to go in with a head full of confidence, and a soul full of energy.

I recieved an interesting e-mail the other day from a fan in Bostopia. This struck me as quite strange, as we have never played in or against that nation, and wasn't expecting to have fans there. Never the less, Kyle Denning, age 13, sent me an email asking how I was able to send in such superb free kicks and corners. While I thought it odd, since I just did free kicks the way my junior league coach taught me oh those twenty years ago, I still replied to the inqustition with the answer and thought it nothing. However, when I learned the next day, that young Kyle had won a game for the Bostopia U-15 squad with a free kick, I felt quite accomplished that I was able to help a future footballing progress. With that feeling, I decided to get the approval from the DFA for establishing the first footy academy here in Demot after the tournament, with me at the head. Hopefully this will lead to a new generation of Dynamo footballers who can lead the squad to future greatness.

~ David Masteron

Demot Daily ~ Give Your Guts

So who are these people, really? Never before has a Demot squad been able to throttle oppenets in any competiton, apart from maybe that one and only AO U-21 tournament many years back. These players are playing as a squad possessed, and just mowing through their oppenents with an ease that is clearly a sign of how confident the bunch is, and how well constructed Dogood's game plans are. Their latest victims, Sel Appa, finally had their run derailed, and it was rightly deserved. The Sel Appa squad was the most hated squad going into the knockouts, like the third bastard child of a monarch that is not trying to get a connection with their father, just take thier wealthy estate and put it in the gutter for cheap thrills. As so it was more of a favor to the reputation to the tournament and the favor of the other squads that the Dynamo dispatched the Turtles. The Sel Appas were not even creative when their press released news of the Turtle defeat, using the vastly overused Demoted headline. The Dynamo are tired of seeing this headline after nearly every one of their wins or losses, as Demot and Demoted do not even sound similar.

Up next for the Dynamo is the somewhat familar squad of Squornshelous, of whom the Dynamo have seen some success. With the luck that the Squornos get around this time of the tournament, there might just be an upset in the making. A win here could do wonders for the Dynamo when the rankings following the tournament are released. Based on our experts, a win would see the Dynamo no worse than seventh in the upcoming rankings, where as a loss would have them saddled with a twenty ranking. Given this type of incentive, a trip to the semis, and a finish no worse than fouth, the Dynamo are bound to be pumped up and ready to leave their souls out there on that pitch. It also got me thinking on what it takes to create an upset, and these are the things that I've come up with:

A) Chemisty is key. Without your core group of players having played together for some good amount of time, either at the domestic or interational level, your squad won't have a hades chance of getting snow of pulling an upset.

B) Talent is important. Sure you can predict each others moves with excellent chemsitry, but without the skill to do so, you are going to be stuck with nothing.

C) Luck is the wildcard. Champions have been crowned on this basis, with lady luck favoring them on any matchday over the over. her grace is the difference between the ball striking the post and going out, or striking and trickling in.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

The Enlightener: Lloegr am byth!
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

A Marriage Made In Heaven

Bettia..............................3 (Scott 43, P.Busilanta 82, Morris 98)
Geisenfried..................3 (Fleischer 6, Tonsheim 44, Metzger 117)
(AET. Score after 90 minutes: 2-2. Bettia win 3-2 on penalties)

The tens of thousands of Bettian fans who made the journey to Jinkton City were treated to a rare sight. No, it wasn't that they beat a team wearing red (although that does tend to be a rare sight). No, it wasn't that they won their first ever penalty shoot-out... okay, so those ARE both rare sights.

Right, let's start again.

The tens of thousands of Bettian fans who made the journey to Jinkton City were treated to THREE rare sights - the Aroras defeating a team in red, the Aroras winning their first ever penalty shootout AND the first ever wedding to be conducted at a Bettian football match. Thanks to permission given by the Quakmybush FA, the wedding of George Hassan Baghni, 82, and Doris Humphries, 69, of Pifton, Gabalfa took place on the pitch as a departure from the normal pre-match build-up.

After a spikey moment when the bride-to-be landed her intended's face with a hefty slap that could probably be heard halfway across the city after she spotted him eyeing up Jerusalem's very own footballing bit of fluff Dazza Dallas, who was in attendance kitted out in a skimpy green and gold cheerleader's costume, the couple eventually gave their vows to the imam of Gabalfa Central Mosque, who was specially jetted in for the occasion. As the happy couple made their way to their seats through a guard of honour formed by the two sets of players, the game got underway.

As is what has become something of a tradition (and, rumour has it, could soon be announced by the FAB as an official custom), the Bettian team took to the pitch wearing their second-choice strip of blue and white quarters, complete with blue-tinted Azurlens™ sunglasses, to counter the effects of that most evil of colours, red. However, unlike the Turori game where the effect on the opposition was instant and dramatic, the Geisenfried team didn't seem quite so bothered, a point proved most emphatically by scoring as early as the sixth minute. A straight ball from captain Wolfgang Genz somehow found its way through the Bettian back-two, and gratefully latched onto by Klaus Fleischer, who made no mistake by blasting the ball past Ellis in the Bettian goal.

Stung by this early setback, Bettia started to string some passes together of their own, with Barry Scott and Peri Busilanta both going close. In reply, Tonsheim had a shot well stopped and Fleischer was just beaten to the rebound.

That missed chance was to prove costly, as Adi Bandasera's cross was handled just outside the area. As Barry Scott placed the ball and eyed up his target, the trepidation amoungst the defensive wall could be felt a mile off, and with good reason as the Tiddles Park midfield general blasted the ball underneath the wall as they all jumped, leaving the goalkeeper completely unsighted. As the net rippled, the Bettian players celebrated at an equaliser well-earned.

However, a team is always at its most vulnerable when they've just scored, and that was proved right yet again as a charging run from Baermann was ended by a niggly foul from Dewi Morris. The Eagles' midfielder quickly took the kick, finding Josef Tonsheim sprinting into space past a static Bettian defence. A little sidestep soon saw him regain his team's advantage going into the break.

The second half was noticably short on goalscoring chances as Geisenfried started to stifle the Aroras attack, with Andi Busilanta going closest from the Aroras, slicing the ball wide from a corner. A double substitution by Eagles coach Nicolas Hausen saw Fleischer and Baermann replaced by defenders Timm Klingen and Miroslav Seling as they sought to hold on to the slender lead. Bettia's coach Stuart Abdul-Rahim responded as oly a Takilan should, by replacing centre-back Said Bin Said Ismail for striker Malik Abdul-Nur, leaving the Aroras with what was effectively an ultra-offensive 1-3-6 formation.

Fortune favours the brave, and it certainly favoured Bettia as they stared to carve out some openings despite the Geisenfried half being packed with players. Finally, the breakthrough came in the 82nd minute, as the Eagle's back line was carved wide open by a sly one-two between Abdul-Nur and Budi Busilanta, who then found his brother free in the penalty area to sidefoot home, sending the game into extra time.

Bettia were geed-up by their late goal, and it showed as they took the lead eight minutes into the added half-hour. After one of his typical galloping runs on the wing, Eri Kurniawan sent in a looping high ball into the penalty area, and it was Dewi Morris who rose the highest, being in the right place at the right time to head in his first ever goal in the green and gold. Nicolas Hausen brought on striker Eric Metzger for sweeper Oliver Hirsch at half time, and the fresh pair of legs certainly did the trick, bursting through the defence (all one of them) and rounding the keeper with just two minutes left.

And so into the lottery of the penalty shootout. Bettia's captin Mitchel Ellis won the toss and elected for this team to begin. First up was Peri Busilanta, and despite showing some nerves he sent the keeper the wrong way. Tonsheim wasn't so fortunate as Ellis guessed right to easily smother the ball. Andi Busilanta followed his brother's lead to put the Aroras 2-0, before Metzger pulled one back. Budi Busilanta then somehow skied his shot well over the crossbar, but thankfully for him Wolfgang Genz fared no better, scuffing his kick onto the post.

It was then the turn of Eri Kurniawan. A regular penalty taker for his club, he decided to try and deceive the goalkeeper, and instead ended up chipping it harmlessly into his waiting arms. Brenner Fuchs made him pay for that mistake, blasting the ball into the bottom corner to send the teams level again.

And so to the final penalties. Malik Abdul-Nur, the Apex League's top striker, versus Frank Kurtz. As he laid the ball down onto the spot, a hush fell across the entire stadium... then promptly disappeared with a roar as he buried his spot kick straight into the roof of the net. Now it was up to Hans Amsel. His team's fate was on his shoulders. He had to score this to keep his team in with a chance. However, the burden provied to be too much and his shot cannoned off the crossbar, sending him to his knees in utter despair and the many many Bettians in the stadium into utter ecstacy.

After a nail-biting match the like of which has never been seen in the Blessed Realm, the Aroras now march into the semi-finals for the first time in their history where they will face Wentland, conquerors of fellow Group One qualifiers Elves Security Forces in what is certain to be a highly charged affair.

And speaking of highly charged affairs, let us wish our newly-married couple every happiness in the future.


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

World Cup Knockout Stages

SF: Wentland................Fort
QF: Geisenfried.............Jink....D 2-2
.............(Bettia win 3-2 on penalties)
2R: Alasdair I Frosticus....Jink....W 4-3

First Round, Group D

01: Rejistania..............Quak....D 2-2
02: Turori..................Quak....W 2-1
03: Yafor 2.................Quak....W 4-3

Friendly

FR: Az-Cz...................Away....W 4-2

Qualifying Group 1

01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME....D 3-3
11: Bostopia................Away....W 5-0
12: Kelssek.................HOME....W 5-1
13: Marceau State...........Away....W 3-1
14: New Propagandia.........HOME....W 3-0
15: Collonie................Away....W 5-3
16: Lovisa..................HOME....W 1-0
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-0
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME....W 4-1

The boss of the World Cup Capers sat down to right a letter to Dazza Dallas.



Dear Mrs. Dallas,

We appreciate your response to our request to leave most of your items in the store, and we further appreciate the help you gave us with the display. We understand that there are many things about the situation that don't make sense to you, so allow me to explain.

First and foremost, you need to know the founding principles of our country. We are a nation named after a single individual, Az-cz. He was a thief. But more than just a thief, he was a legendary hero. He certainly did many things that might be viewed as "illegal" but he did them all for the good of his world. In this tradition, all Az-czzers are raised.

You asked why we stole your goods rather than ask for them. The first reason, is simply that that is what we do. We are a nation of thieves. Our national sports of Kleptochase, Kleptoball and Kleptodance are all adaptions of thievery to sport. Every Az-czid child is taught how to use a lock pick or crack a safe. Thievery is even our replacement for a military. So doing such a thing, especially for a good cause, is just natural to us.

Secondly, it adds intrigue to the display. The purpose of the thievery wasn't just to enjoyment, but to raise money for Az-czid children. Goods stolen through skill add a level of respect from Az-czzers and a level of danger from foreigners. In this way goods stolen generate more interest than goods borrowed.

Thirdly, by stealing the goods it prevents the leak of information about the display, hence causing it to lose interest well before the cup. No offense to you or the other people involved, but expert theives are very good at keeping secrets, where as professional entertainers, are maybe not. If we had asked to borrow the items it would have been much harder to keep the display a secret until the cup.

And of course the fourth reason is that there is a possibility you or others will say no. By stealing them, it doesn't give people a chance to reject our action for the good of others.

So for those reasons we decided to steal the items. You probably still can't understand why we did it and probably are still angry about our actions, but that at least gives you a better idea of why we did that.

Another thing I'd like you to know about our society is that it is indeed a society based on mutual support. We don't know about living on the street because Az-czzers don't live in such conditions. Our social support system is quite strong so there is no poverty of the kind you described. So we can't understand your desire for profit nor your tough upbringing.

We hope this letter better explains our society and our thinking. We understand that our culture is quite different from yours and most others. We appreciate your understanding. Your decision to help with the booth has gained you many fans in Az-cz. We enjoyed our match on the pitch and we wish you best of luck as you take over as coach of the Jeruselem national team.

So-Na
Captain of World Cup Capers

The Semi Final will take place at Fort Erie Stadium

"We'll be there...
WHERE?
At the end...of the road!!
WENTLAND! WENTLAND!"

The Wentland team had a deserved reputation for dourness and brutality. Yet surprisingly they had not had a red card in the finals and had scored an unexpected amount of goals. The team belted out their national anthem with gusto but none more so than Frankie Treves.

Treves was an unexpected starter, preferred to the more basoc Lennie Newton for the quarter-final against ESF. None was more surprised than Treves himself.

The veteran forward smiled to himself as he prepared to take the kick off. He had seen a lot in his career, the boy wonder at inner city Alumgreen, and he refused to leave them until he had taken them almost single handedly to the top flight and a memorable Cup win.

Of course the Orphans could not retain one of such talents and they were forced to cash in. But the denizens of Rock Road always remembered what their favourite son had done for them and were eternally grateful that he refused to join deadly rivals Great Bellstead.

It was near the end of his career now, he had barely played in the World Cup as the boisterous Newton and Saint alternated as target man and the Hacker had no need for Treves' guile. But he had scored with his first touch in the emotional victory against the Lowland Clans and Hacker preferred his composure in the tight confines of the last eight.

And what better way to repay such faith than to score the opener? Chances would be at a premium and when a Weston tackle sent the ball into a defensive gap Treves knew this could be the only opportunity. A burst of speed saw him onto the ball first and a snapshot put the Swifts into the lead.

Andy Saint was an uncomplicated man. And a hard man. It was a dangerous combination for most opponents. The unsubtle Royal Heath fans fell in love with "the Sinner" when he marked his debut with both a broken nose (thanks to a stray elbow) and a red card (thanks to a premeditated fist). No-one messed with Saint. He was known for trampling over defences and once finished a match with a broken leg.

But you could normally trust Saint. He reacted rather than instigated. And against the ethereal Elves Norman Hacker thought he might prove an interesting choice.

Frankie Treves was shattered and subtlety was not working. So time to try more brute force. Long ball it to Sainty. And defenders pinged off him. His knockdowns were not being picked up by midfield - exhaustion was setting in - so he decided to go for goal.

The chance came with twenty or so to go. Jarvis. To Kent. To the penalty area D. Instead of heading down Saint jumped and chested it at a slight angle. The defence was wrongfooted and Saint had a free tenth of a second or so to pick his spot.

Top corner.

Semi-final.

Dazza Dallas woke up the morning after covering the Bettian game in her hotel room. She stretched out and had a shower to wake up. Sitting down with fresh cup of coffee in her bathroom, she took out her laptop and read her emails including one from World Cup Capers. After dealing with some business, she filmed another personal video message to her family and packed up her stuff for the next Bettian game,

She looked out the window to see two Window cleaners looking in. Window cleaners were always look into her room to see if she is in. She smiled and waved at them, and they smiled back. The reporter and new Jeruselem national coach, wearing only a bathrobe, dropped the bathrobe to reward the window cleaners. They smiled and gave her the thumbs up. She was always popular with window cleaners because of this.

She got dressed, cleaned up and took her bags leaving for another football game like she always did like a thousand times before.

<Somewhere in Jeruselem>

The two Dazza Dallas kids were sitting at computer waiting for an email from their mother. Their grandfather John Jerk was making breakfast for the family while his young wife, same age as Dazza, was doing the washing. Finn Fumbles, Dazza's other half, had left for work.

The two kids cheered as an email appeared and they watched the message from Mum.

John said "OK kids, what's Mum been up to? No good as always?".

Kate, the Dazza daughter said
"Just meeting her fans and selling more stuff like Mum sells more stuff!"

John "Oh, those DVDs. And Kate can you please stop teasing the neighbour's son by flashing. No need to behave like your mother."

Michael, the son said
"Sis is very naughty!"

John sighed "Like your Mum"

RP Cutoff

The Schiavone Scribe
Schiavonia Vanishes

Upon their return to The League following their four-nil defeat to hosts Az-cz yesterday, there was a shock in store for the Schiavonia team, officials, press and supporters.

It had been a day of mixed emotions. The team had lost convincingly against their hosts earlier in the day, looking like a team that didn't really want to be there. Indeed, the official word from manager Tony Tarmey was that they really didn't want to be there.

"We're fed up of this place!" he said after the game, "Stealing is one of the most disrespectful things you can do, and it's rife in this place. We've wanted to get out of here ever since I found my boots at that exhibition. It probably should have been Krytenia playing here today, but they were really bad. Ashamedly so, in fact."

So, all in all, not such a bad day for the Sloths. They'd gotten out of the hellhole they were in, and boarded the flight back to Race Track. All going well.

The flight back to the smallest island in The League was fine too. Nothing seemed too suspicious. Landing, fine. Then it was off to catch a boat back to Schiavonia.

That's when things went wrong. Rodney Lowe, Chief of the SFF, takes up the story.

"We'd been going for maybe a couple of hours, when one of the players... Isla Blige, I think it was... anyway, she wanted to know how long it would be until we'd get back to Kingsbury. The captain of the boat look at his navigation system, and said that we should be about twnety minutes away. However, it was also pointed out that, by his system, we should have been in the middle of the city of Threlo at that very moment."

Indeed, the boat carried on until it reached Anastasiania. "That's when we knew something was wrong," Lowe continued, "Because at this point, we should definately have seen Schiavonia somewhere. But we didn't. It just wasn't there. It had vanished. Completely."

So where exactly could forty-six islands have disappeared to?

Early rumours that it had been stolen by gnomes from Az-cz proved to be unfounded. As it is, no-one seems to have any idea where the islands have gone.

It also means that the Schiavone national team are all now homeless. Anyone wishing to take them in should contact the SFF headquarters in Kingsb... wait, it's not there any more.

In fact, why exactly am I writing this? I've been to the World Cup with all these guys (and a few girls). They're just about the only people left, and the only people who are going to read this.

Amda-Mo: Wow. Four-nil over a team that throttled us the last two times we met.

Lur-Mn: Sweet revenge indeed. By far the best performance of the team this cup.

Amda-Mo: First things first. How did we stop Schiavonia? We hadn't pitched a shutout yet this cup.

Lur-Mn: Well Hubertino was huge. He was locked on Chester. There was absolutely no space for Chester. The rest of their team we were able to deal with. The coaches did a much better job of dissecting the Schiavone team this cup.

Amda-Mo: How about the offensive end?

Lur-Mn: Alot of that was pure determination from Stanleyinho. And of course good set ups from the midfield. But earning a hat trick to push us through was incredible.

Amda-Mo: There were some reports that Schiavonia was playing to lose on purpose to get out of the country. What do you think about that?

Lur-Mn: You're telling me that they'd throw a game in the quarterfinals in a wide open field because they don't like Az-cz. Are you insane? Nobody would do that when a title is so close.

Amda-Mo: Once again Nerazzurri was only a spectator. What's his status for the next match?

Lur-Mn: I can't imagine he'd still be out. He has to be healthy.

Amda-Mo: But even if he is healthy, do you really mess with something that's worked the last two matches.

Lur-Mn: I still think you do. Du-Tre has played well, but if Nerazzurri's ready to go he's still the starter and the captain.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's get on to looking at our next match. It's against our friends from Demot, fresh off a 1-0 stunner of former champions Squornshelous. First let's show the graphics of our history


Baptism of Fire (didn't play) Az-cz 1st Demot 4th
AOCAF 18 2nd Round Demot 3-2 Az-cz
World Cup 33 Group Stage Az-cz 3 Demot 2

Amda-Mo: So we actually have less history with Demot than it feels like we do. Coming in in the same Baptism of Fire, World Cup, and AOCAF makes them feel part of our linked teams, with Aurendia and Miceland, who have disappeared from the scene.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, those four and Winchestia were all teams we thought of as friends and rivals. So yes we do feel connected to Demot.

Amda-Mo: Alright. After we faced them in the group stage what will be necessary to beat them again.

Lur-Mn: Clearly defense is key. If we can hold them down like we did at the start of the game then we ought to be alright. Since that Northern Bettia game the offense has found much better form. Stanleyinho's experience has really helped.

Amda-Mo: What about intangibles. How do you think the two teams will react to the spotlight?

Lur-Mn: I think we'll have the edge. We've got the home crowd behind us, which has helped alot. Plus we've won a knockout tournament, while Demot has not. And we want to prove that we were truly the best team in that group. So the team ought to be determined.

Amda-Mo: Any prediction.

Lur-Mn: Oh no. You're not baiting me into something like that.

Amda-Mo: Ok, how about on the other side of the bracket. What do you think of the match between Wentland and Bettia.

Lur-Mn: It's a classic matchup between offense and defense. The Bettians put the pedal to the medal while Wentland likes to grind it out. I think in this situation you favor whichever team can impress their will.

Amda-Mo: And who do you think that will be?

Lur-Mn: I think that it will be Bettia. They've got an experience edge. Of the four remaining teams Bettia is by far the biggest name. They even have an AOCAF title to their credit. I think they'll find some offense, even against the strong swift defense and power to the finals.

Amda-Mo: So you think the cup will be finally coming back to Atlantian Oceania?

Lur-Mn: Yes. I think it will be returning to it's rightful home, the best footballing region in the world.

Amda-Mo: Well, three out of four teams are from Atlantian Oceania so those are the odds. Hopefully for Wentland they won't feel the pressure to represent the rest of the world.

Lur-Mn: They probably don't care, but it is interesting none the less.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Well, that's all the time we have. Joining us back here again after the semifinal match to be played in Shangri-La Stadium.

"I'm here in Es-Ef, with one Elza-Fly, the only person who correctly guessed these four finalists in the Az-cz Scroll world cup pick em. Please tell us Elza-Fly, how did you pick each team. Let's start with the hosts."

"Well that was easy. I am an Az-czzer. The tournament is here in Az-cz so clearly I had to pick Az-cz to win."

"Fair enough. Alright how about Demot?"

"Well Demot has a good relationship with the Gnomes. Plus there dragons are so cool. Basically it was the dragons that lead me to the choice."

"Ok. Not so suprising a lot of Az-czzers do have positive feelings towards Demot."

"How about on the other side, why did you choose Bettia?"

"Have you seen their aroras. They're just about the cutest things in the world. How could you pick against those cute little things."

"I hear they're actually an unruly bunch, not as domestic as you might think."

"I don't believe it. They're so cute."

"Ok. Those are the three more common ones. But explain how you picked Wentland to make it to the final four."

"Oh that's easy. My favorite cousing married a Wentlander. So I picked it in her honor."

"Did anyone else in your family enter the competition?"

"Yeah my husband did. But he predicted Commerce Heights over The Archregimancy for the finals. That was a bit off."

"Are you a big football fan, then?"

"No. I only like kleptodance. But my husband insisted."

"Really? That's quite interesting. So you don't know much about football?"

"Not really, no."

"Well there you have it. It pays not to know anything about football if you want to make predictions."

To the Schiavone Football Team

We are saddened to hear about the disappearance of your nation. While we have no information about it's whereabouts, we are more than willing to grant you asylum here in Az-cz until such a time as it can be found. In this time of need we are more than willing to lend a hand to such worthy and friendly sporting comrades. We hope you can find your homeland and will provide materials in the search. Best wishes from all of Az-cz

Ug-Mt, Robber Captain

<Dazza Dallas in Bettian no 13 strip in a stadium. In background, Bettians are cheering and waving flags!>

Dazza:
"Hi this is Dazza Dallas on THE FOOTBALL LIFE at the World Cup 33 semi-final between Bettia and Wentland. As you all know Jeruselem are fully behind Bettia in it's quest to win a cup. Jeruselem just failed last cup and Nedalia, well have to cheer on someone else like Bettia. Good news for Nedalians, Bettians and Jeruselemites - Bettia won. A stylish TWO ONE win over the fairytale team Wentland. Dazza is going to speak to some happy Bettians. Wentland met the Aroras and the Aroras deliverd the Holy Land today, but they still have the Holy Grail to win - the World Cup. One more game! Let's hope Bettia can do what Jeruselem could not. They face either Az-cz or Demot, from the other semi-final. This means Dazza is going to report on the final again and well, I might go all emo if Bettia lose but in this case Jeruselem isn't there so I probably won't. I will still be quite upset in some manner. I've been talking to Bettians around here and they are really confident, they will go home with the World Cup."

<pulls out some HD-DVDs>

"I'd like to thank the folks out there buying the Virtual Strumpet software. And it seems I'm very popular. You all seem to like the Isla Blige girl too, but sadly she can't play in the final because her team lost to Az-cz. I think she's a cutie too. You people do have good taste. I've got some stats who's buying what. They are very interesting reading!"

"There's many add-ons to Virtual Strumpet. In the nice category - we have Rachel Kool, Rashina Dallas, Debbie Dallas and Kate Bush. In the naughty category, we have me, my friend Monique Alexander, and Isla Blige. The deluxe XX editions have me and my friend Monique again. More are coming on-line soon with more nice and naughty women available. Some folks want this product banned! They are probably the ones who's sex lives are as barren as Jeruselem's deserts! Older men buy tend to buy the nice categories while hot-blooded young men buy the racy naughty ones and the XXX ones too. But single older men are very keen on the XXX editions! Yes, dirty old men looking at Dazza being, well Dazza. Women buy this product too! Dazza female fans tend to buy Dazza add-ons while older females prefer my sister or Rachel. Isla Blige is fave for young single men, well 2nd to Dazza."

"So thanks again. We have Virtual Hunker coming out but it isn't finished yet. Yes girls, you favourite MAN is going be there. No Manfred Mann the Man, he's far too gay. Men like Ricky Pointy Stick, real men. That's it from me and the victorious Bettians. Sweet dreams ... hey guys, let's have cheer!"

Crowd
"We love you Dazza!"

Small parts of the crowd
"Get naked Dazza!"

Dazza
"Gee, I'm popular."

The Enlightener: Lloegr am byth!
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

The Final Countdown Begins

Bettia..........................2 (Abdul-Nur 3, B.Busilanta 35)
Wentland..................1 (Newton 74)

Pinch yourselves dear readers - you are NOT dreaming! The scoreline is most definately correct - Bettia are going to the World Cup final!

The venue - Fort Erie, so far a happy stamping ground for Bettian teams.

The opponents - Wentland, a team who, just like Bettia, were enjoying their best ever run in the finals. But there was where the similarity ends, for Wentland, unlike Bettia, are a much more defensive team, one of the few Karelan sides in the world. So, the scene was set for Takilan vs Karelan battle, all-out attack versus (almost)all-out defence, the irresistible force meeting the unmoveable object.

Unfortunately for Wentland, it took Bettia a mere three minutes to budge the not-so-immoveable object ever-so-slightly to one side. Having so far been thwarted by the packed midfield, Barry Scott hoofed an audacious long ball over the top to find Malik Abdul-Nur, a late replacement for Peri Busilanta who was nursing a slight twinge from the pre-match warm-up. Abdul-Nur galloped past a static defence, then slid the ball underneath the advancing Crash Robinson to sned the Aroras into the lead with a hugely satisfying ripple of the net.

The differences in the style of play was more and more evident as the game wore on, with Bettia enjoying the lion's share of possession and territory, and Wentland happy to absorb the pressure in the hope of hitting Bettia on the counter-attack. Both Andi and Budi Busilanta had excellent chances, with Andi's being cleared off the line and Budi's shot taking a lick of pain off the crossbar.

But a team can only take so much pressure before breaking, and in this case it was broken in spectucular style. A long diagonal ball from defence found Eri Kurniawan, who made one of his typically foraging runs down the wing, with defender Ray Jarvis in hot pursuit. After cutting into the centre and spotting the kepper slightly off his line anticpating a cross into the goal area, Kurniawan instead elected to shoot from a narrow angle. Robinson was caught off-guard, as was his defence, but Kurniawan's shot cannoned off the corner of the goal and straight to the lurking Budi Busilanta, whose excellently executed scissor-kick saw the ball almost bursting through the back of the net. That was the cue for some wild celebrations from the players and fans, who turned vast swathes of the terraces into a sea of green and gold.

The second half saw Wentland come out with more purpose, knowing that they only had 45 minutes to turn their World Cup around. Burnside was replaced by Francis Treves as they converted to a more orthodox 4-4-2 formation. The new style of play semeed to work for short periods, as having an extra target man increased their attacking options. Their new approach paid dividends after 74 minutes as 'Lethal' Lennie Newton lived up to his name, raising up to thump a header home from only their third corner of the day.

That was the cue for a frenetic last quarter of an hour, as Wentland poured forward in search of an equaliser, and Bettia defending their lead in the only way they know - attacking. Budi Busilanta came close to adding to his goal tally, as did substitute Abel Abramson. But in the end, the Aroras were able to cling onto their lead to spark another round of wild celebrations in the stadium, and indeed throughout the Blessed Realm.

Here in Bettia, people have already got into the spirit of things. The streets have suddenly exploded into a myriad of colourful bunting and banners. Schools and offices throughout the nation have declared final day to be an unofficial holiday, with millions expected to flock to town squares and open areas all across the country to watch the big game on an even bigger screen.

And in Kirkwood, plucky baker John Margetson has taken the opportunity to release a commemorative cake, just for this occasion.

http://212.77.178.138/2006//user/72316/vorschau/72316_163594.jpg

Not surprisingly, these are selling like, umm, hot cakes?

So, this message goes out to all Bettians, wherever you may be. Your team needs you to gt behind them, just as many other nations such as Jerusalem (including everyone's favourite bit of crumpet Dazza Dallas) and Nedalia are.

This is it.

This is our big moment.

Can the Aroras make it past the final hurdle???



Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

World Cup Knockout Stages

FN: ????
SF: Wentland................Fort....W 2-1
QF: Geisenfried.............Jink....D 2-2
.............(Bettia win 3-2 on penalties)
2R: Alasdair I Frosticus....Jink....W 4-3

First Round, Group D

01: Rejistania..............Quak....D 2-2
02: Turori..................Quak....W 2-1
03: Yafor 2.................Quak....W 4-3

Friendly

FR: Az-Cz...................Away....W 4-2

Qualifying Group 1

01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME....D 3-3
11: Bostopia................Away....W 5-0
12: Kelssek.................HOME....W 5-1
13: Marceau State...........Away....W 3-1
14: New Propagandia.........HOME....W 3-0
15: Collonie................Away....W 5-3
16: Lovisa..................HOME....W 1-0
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-0
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME....W 4-1

Just when you thought things couldn't get more joyous than they already were in the Blessed Realm, the Aroras had to go and make life for Bettians everywhere just that little bit sweeter. In a nation already mad about its sports, for them to reach THE major final was nothing short of paradise on NS-Earth.

And yet amongst all the excitement of the upcoming World Cup final, there is one little corner of Gabalfa where a profound feeling of sorrow is being felt.

That little corner is the Pifton Garden of Peace, a small pristine cemetery in Pifton, where the grounds are immaculately kept, the graves are kept bird-dropping-free, the flowers are fresh and fragrant, and vandals are shot on sight. Here, a teary-eyed old man stands over two freshly-filled graves, cradling an arora in his arms with six little baby aroras scuttling around him, one of which is disrespectfully pissing up a nearby tombstone. The old man is approached by a well-wisher, who places a hand on his shoulder.

"I can't believe they've gone." Ali murmurs.

"I know, I know." his son says, shaking his head. "Poor George and Doris. Who'd thought their hearts would both pack in at the exact same time... and on their wedding night too. The randy old buggers."

"Jamil!" Ali snapped angrily, shooting him a dirty look, before dropping his head down and sighing.

"Sorry Dad, couldn't resist it."

"Still, at least they had a good innings. And we had some good times too."

"Yeah."

"I remember how I always used to pull his leg about Bettia never losing whenever he turned up late for a match... which was nearly always."

"Heh. You used to rib him something rotten about that."

The two of them stood silently for a moment as Ali reminisced about the good old days. Eventually, that silence was broken by Jamil.

"I feel sorry for them."

"Yeah, I know. Just a few hours into their marriage, and they both died in such a sudden - and amourous - fashion."

"No, I didn't mean George and Doris."

"Hmmm? Oh, you mean their families? I know - their brothers and sisters and children and grandchildren. Those two'll be sorely missed."

"No, I didn't mean them neither."

"Well who did you mean then?"

Jamil smirked.

"The poor bastards who had to prise the two of them apart!"

A massive throng of Assegai Developments supporters, 5,000 strong, arrive wearing Demot scarves. They mingle with Demot fans and begin learning all the cool Demot chants. Also in attendance is the entire Assegai Developments National Team, which will be sitting in the Demot section of the stands, along with the 2,000 other Assegai Developments supporters.

Outside, another mass of 500 Turruth Gordur supporters wearing Demot gear, are running around acting loud and causing a ruckus.

Diary Entry 024

So my diary, we meet again, it is quite unepexted, but not unwelcomed that is for sure. Indeed, by my writing this entry, it means that we overcame the extravagent odds and defeated the Sqournos. However, our victory has caused a major outcry amognst the World Cup commitee, as to how three typically weak nations made the semi finals, with Wentland, the Gnomes of Az-cz, and us making it through, while only Bettia to represent the elite squads of World Cups of old. I say to them, shit happens, live with it. If you are such a great squad, then why didn't you perform on the field and knock off us lowly relatively new squads? Why do our results not warrant the merit that you earned back in your early days? Just because we are not familars to the scene does not mean that we have not earned out trip through, be it through luck or skill.

I am pleased that we are playing the cohosts of Az, as we have developed a semi rivalry since our inception into the footballing community. If you recall, the Gnomes and us entered in the same World Cup, and participated in the Baptism of Fire prior to qualifying for World Cup 30, with Az proving champions and us fourth. Then we met last AOCAF, where we were just able to edge out the oppisition before falling to the hosts in Myrtannia next match. If we are able to play a match like that one, then the punters should indeed have a spectacle to behold. These types of matches are ones that make the blood run warm, as you know you are on the steps of something great, and if you continue on through that door, you may make yourself a hero of lore that shall never be forgotten.

So I say to you, whoever may be the reader of this crazy blog, why not us? Why can me, my lovely girlfriend Samantha Black, and our mates on the Dynamo squad not make the trip forward? Does our merit not warrant a place in history where we can be called great? Have we not proven ourselves time and time again that we are a group of skilled individuals, who play as a unit, and deserve the respect of the World? If our feats on the pitch and the results on the field do not bestow upon us the rights of success, then I shall cast down my captaincy and become a wanderer, and let the winds tell what is left of my tale to the dying blue moon.

~ David Masteron

RP Cutoff

Amda-Mo: In their first ever match in their new Shangri-La stadium the Gnomes picked up a win that will be remembered for ages. How did they do it?

Lur-Mn: Defense. Defense. Defense. We're not one of those so called "system Karela" teams but our smothering of Demot today was absolutely incredible. Despite playing clean football, earning no cards and Demot only being called offside once on a play that didn't have much effect, they never really looked getting into the attack.

Amda-Mo: And how did the defense shut them down so much?

Lur-Mn: I think that Nerazzurri's return was just a huge boost to the team. They played incredibly well with Du-Tre in the lineup, but you could see the whole team was ecstatic to have their captain back. And Hubertino turned in another beautiful performance just hounding Masterson clear out of the game.

Amda-Mo: How about on the offensive side of the pitch?

Lur-Mn: You have to give Demot credit. They fought hard and except for one moment of Pizelkaxrovsky magic they basically held us in check as well. People might say they are an unworthy semifinalists but I say bupkus to that. They're a quality side. They made the 31st world cup and put up a fine performance in the second, just had the misfortune of being in a killer hard group.

Amda-Mo: So for those in the audience who missed it, takes us through the Pizelkaxrovsky magic.

<A clip goes up on the screen of Pizelkaxrovsky dribbling with his right foot then when a defender comes looping the ball over to his left foot and then putting on a shot with incredible spin that curls around one defender and past the goal keeper straight into the net from 25 yards>

Lur-Mn: I don't know how to explain what he did there. He's right footed so I don't think anyone expected him to put a shot on goal there, much less one with as much speed and curve as that one. I think everyone was expecting a pass there. Once again he proved his ability to do things most other players could never even dream of.

Amda-Mo: How about the play of the keepers?

Lur-Mn: Well Gn-Lg wasn't tested too many times and easily handled all of the shots he did face. Orien did well with a number of difficult shots. Their defense in general, and Orien in particular certainly stepped up a lot from the match earlier in the cup.

Amda-Mo: Any other thoughts on that match?

Lur-Mn: Yes. First I'd once again like to congratulate Demot on making it here and a tough performance. Secondly to point out the amazing fan support. Shangri-La was absolutely paradise for the home team. That place is loud and scary and the support was incredible. From the people who all dressed up as the Demons of Shangri-La to the full on medieval style band the place was a madhouse.

Amda-Mo: Ok, now that the matches are set for the third place playoff and the finals, let's take a look at them. First let's take a look at Wentland versus Demot for third place.

Lur-Mn: Both teams were huge suprises in the semifinals. However both teams are much better than they've been given credit for. They've played hard and even in defeat in the semifinals both put scares into their opponents. Demot clearly played better to get here, overcoming a stronger group and not lucking through. Plus they took down Squornshelous in the quarterfinals, where as Wentland beat Elves Security Forces.

Amda-Mo: What type of styles do these two teams play?

Lur-Mn: Wentland is one of the most defensive teams in the world, and Demot is fairly attacking. It won't be quite the clash of styles that the Bettia-Wentland match was, but it's still opposing styles. Suprisingly though, the two teams haven't lived up to their reputations. Wentland has scored five, while allowing four where as Demot's scored three while allowing only two.

Amda-Mo: What do you think that means?

Lur-Mn: I think it's a good sign for Demot. Their defense has played well against strong attacking teams. Shutting out Squornshelous is amazing. In their 18 qualifiers and four other world cup matches, nobody else kept Squornshelous off the scoreboard. So that means that Wentland will have a hard time scoring. But I don't think Demot's struggles to score against us should be as big of a concern. Our defense has just been firing at full power in the knockouts. Jeruselem only scored once in 120 minutes and Schiavonia couldn't find a goal either. So I think Demot's offense will get back in form.

Amda-Mo: So you're saying Demot is your pick for third place?

Lur-Mn: Yes. I'm not sure who the better team is of the two, but I think Demot is in better form right now and with the advantage of more crowd asupport from their Atlantian Oceania region mates, plus travelling fans from former allies from YoungWorld they'll get by the Swifts.

Amda-Mo: Alright, let's turn our attention to the finals. In a beautiful piece of symmetry we end the cup against Bettia.

Lur-Mn: Symmetry?

Amda-Mo: Yes, we started the cup by playing their neighbors to the north, and now we close it with the nation itself.

Lur-Mn: I hadn't put that together yet, actually. Very interesting.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. So a bit of revenge will indeed be on the minds of the team. Let's take a look at our history against Bettia.


Word Cup 33 Friendly Bettia 4 Az-cz 2

Amda-Mo: That's it just the friendly towards the end of qualifiers. We've never met in an official world cup game, nor in an AOCAF.

Lur-Mn: Well, we've certainly seen plenty of Bettian matches, even if we haven't played. They're a big name in our region, so there won't be any suprises on the pitch.

Amda-Mo: How much do you think the result of that friendly reflects what will happen in this game?

Lur-Mn: Not much. We were hardly in full form at that point. We hadn't played a match in quite a while, and none at full speed. Now we're in fine form, having only allowed one goal in these three knockout matches to tough opponents.

Amda-Mo: So you're not worried about that result?

Lur-Mn: No, I don't think we should be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to ignore it, just that the team is at a different point than we were then. We've really turned it up since the loss to Northern Bettia.

Amda-Mo: How about home advantage?

Lur-Mn: While it will certainly be nice, the advantage might be less than you'd think.

Amda-Mo: Why is that?

Lur-Mn: I think this is going to be a full on Atlantian Oceania party. Of course there will be tons of Az-czzers headed over to the castle. And no doubt Bettians will find their way here as well. But look at our neighboring countries, Bazalonia and Nedalia. Us and Bazalonia our fast friends, and a Bazalonian is coaching our team, so a win for us is sort of like a win for them, so we'll get their support. However Nedalians and Bettians are quite close, so there will be Nedalians pouring over the border as well. And so on, as various teams from Atlantain Oceania, and even around the world, such as Jeruselem for the Bettians. It should be an absolutely wild setting.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. After two cups away the title will be coming back to Atlantian Oceania. Should be quite interesting.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, the expected street parties and events are expected to be just crazy.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the matchup itself, how do we slow the Bettian attack?

Lur-Mn: I'm trusting coach Khim and coach Hawdon to find that out for us. We've seen what they can do when they throttled us earlier. And that was without their full set of strikers. I'm not sure that there's a way to stop the Bettian attack per se. But I'm sure the coaches are devouring film of teams who've done a good job, like Bostopia early on or Lovisa on match day 16. But I think most of it comes down to Hubertino and company maintaining their fine form. Certainly Bettia's offense is awesome, but Jeruselem scored as many goals in qualifying and Schiavonia scored more, and we held both of them in check, so we can do it.

Amda-Mo: And as far as our offense is concerned?

Lur-Mn: The question is how do the midfields match up. With the talent, skill and sheer numbers in midfield for us, we will have plenty of counter attacking chances to take advantage of that. Clearly Pizelkaxrovsky will be important. And we're hoping to hear more from the two wingers who have been somewhat quiet this cup, especially Levesque. Again it comes down to making the plays. The talent is there, the formation will provide us chances. The question is simply who steps up and gets it done.

Amda-Mo: How about coaching?

Lur-Mn: We have the clear advantage there. Coach Khim will be the only person in the stadium relevant to the results not overly impressed by the setting, having been here multiple times. If coaching swings it we ought to come out on top.

Amda-Mo: Any other intangibles?

Lur-Mn: I like our odds if the match goes to extra time. Not only do we have the coaching advantage, we also have the stamina advantage as endurance is something in our favor compensating for our small stature, but we'll also have the home crowd cheering us on. So I think that all works in our favor. But really I think things like that won't come into play. Both of these squads are great teams and it's simply a question of who plays the best.

Amda-Mo: Any predictions.

Lur-Mn: A tight match with a fair number of goals.

Amda-Mo: Winner?

Lur-Mn: The team who plays best. Not necessarily the better team, just the one who plays best on that day.

Amda-Mo: That's a no then?

Lur-Mn: Indeed it is.

Amda-Mo: Well good night everyone. Enjoy the celebrations, but remember to save your voice for the finals.

Lur-Mn: Night.

As the final whistle went the Wentland players would have liked to have slumped to the ground, distraught that their big chance had come and gone. But Norman Hacker would not let them.

"Come on," he yelled, dragging Ray Jarvis from all fours. "You're going to stand up, you're going to applaud Bettia, and you're going to go over to that half of the ground...you didn't let them down, they didn't let you down, you're going to thank them for their support..."

And so a weary Wentland team trudged off to salute their supporters as Bettia cavorted in wild delight. The Aroras in the World Cup Final? Unlikely. But the Swifts in a World Cup Final would have been more unlikely.

Norman Hacker was asked in an interview on the pitch how come he was taking defeat so calmly, given his general irascibility. "Because we have won. We have our victory. We weren't even expected to qualify. Everyone wrote us off at every stage. Wentland? Underachievers. A joke. Pathetic. But now we've reached to within 90 minutes of the final itself. They can't treat us as a joke any more. Why should we be downhearted? We've gone over and beyond what we should have done. Outside the top 30? Now one of the final four? Unprecedented. Good luck to Bettia in the final, we'll get 'em next time. Swifts of the world unite!"

Dazza Dallas was back in Az-cz and turned up at local 5 star hotel. All the staff were pretty happy to keep Mrs Dallas happy as mistreating the next Jeruselem national coach wasn't really a good idea for football relations between Jeruselem and Az-cz. She got a nice room fit for a princess.

She unpacked including her Bettian support gear. As she left her room, a mob of local Az-cz guys worked out who she was and got some signatures. It wasn't every day Dazza Dallas turned up in Az-cz they figured.

She had some breakfast and went back to her room to prepare for the big game, Bettia vs Az-cz. After dealing with the usual business she packed her reporter's bag and Bettian support gear and moved to the stadium.

"Vi-To, get in here."

"Yes, boss? What is it?"

"I want to double check some things with you? First off have you finished the preperations to get the things returned to their original owners? We want to get them back in their proper hands as soon as possible."

"Yes boss. The things that can be shipped have boxes lined up for them. And the things that need to be hand delivered we've found people to take. That's good to go except for the Schiavone stuff."

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of that myself. I'm sure I'll be able to track down coach Tarmey to get him his stuff. Now I want to talk you about the final blowout."

"What final blowout?"

"Well you see, I wasn't expecting to have to come up with a final blowout. But if we didn't commemorate the Robbers making it to the finals of the cup on our soil we'd be down lousy capers wouldn't we?"

"No. But where are you going with this?"

"Well you see, I did steal one thing that we can't return."

"Which is?"

"Well, you see there's this company in Vilita that's figured out how to make incredible fireworks, such that there quite easy to configure to spell out messages and things. We got our hands on some of those."

"How'd you pull that off?"

"It was freaking difficult I'll tell you, cause we had to replace them with a "dud" batch. Not an easy task. But we're excellent thieves, as you know. We're going to set them off from the Red Dwarf Mines. The thing is that I need the keys to the mines. You've got to get them for me."

"Alright. I can handle that. What will the message spell out?"

"Like everyone else, you'll just have to wait and see."

A small group of Assegai Developments supporters gathers outside the stadium to discuss Demot's loss. One of them suddenly points and starts laughing out loud.

Surrounded by other Assegai and Turruth Gordur supporters, five members of the Assegai Developments National Team (Duane Grissom as The Bear, Ashley Riot as The Tiger, Dominic Saint-Émilion as The Gator, Severus Snape as The Shark and Samantha Neesa as The Turtle) don costumes and begin dancing to their delight and of passersby.

The Assegai Sports Network offers a live feed...

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a371/DUBKansas/fo3m7d.gif

RP Cutoff for 3PPO

Me-Adu had manged to get his hands on two tickets for the finals, and was taking his good friend Po-Ro. They couldn't believe the feel of the city as they walked from their dorm in Mil-Bax university to Burlock Castle. Although it was a bit of a ways they wanted to take up the sights and sounds of the city as they made their way over so they left early and enjoyed the proceedings.

There were people from all over Az-cz. Some dressed in Gnomish Pink, some in Bettian yellow, MANY in green for both teams. And of course there were even some people decked out in Red, to annoy the Bettians. Unlike many nations however, the Gnomes would in fact be using their standard Pink & Green uniforms.

As they were walking along they were looking at the apartments and houses. "I don't think anyone is at home right now. Basically everyone is out in the streets enjoying the party," Me-Adu commented.

"Indeed. I feel sorry for the Constables who have to stay on duty to prevent crime during the cup."

"Yeah sucks for them. Watching your favorite nation play in the finals on home turf is almost certainly a once in a lifetime chance. But considering all of the people here it is absolutely necessary."

"Yeah, still glad that's not me."

"Word. Getting tickets is absolutely incredible. Just amazing."

The two boys continued to make their way through the sitting, stopping off for some Zp-Da Pizza on the way. As they were walking along they could hear people discussing all manner of things about the game. They'd catch a "Bettia will roll up a ton of goals, just like in the friendly" from one conversation or a "Pizelkaxrovsky is god" in another conversation.

The feeling they gathered as they walked along was the feeling they themselves also had, nervous. Excited, but nervous. Cup Finals in general, are a rare and valuable thing, but cup finals played in one's own nation are even rarer. Az-cz would be only the sixth team to play in their own stadium in a finals. And no one has played in a finals they've hosted twice. So it was a chance Gnomes fans didn't want to let slip by.

As they got closer to the stadium they couldn't believe the decorations to the stadium. Their pet dragon from Demot was circling the stadium. Every surrounding building had been draped in medieval looking drapery, there were bugle boys blasting out notes at decided intervals. There were guards positioned in the look towers. Even a moat had been built for the occasion and a drawbridge lowered at each of the fan entrances to the stadium. As they entered the stadium their nerves were heightening. Before the match there would be 2 hours of festivities inside the stadium, which they hoped would calm them down, but probably just make them more nervous. Just before the festivities were to begin the crowd all screamed in shock. Po-Ro shouted to Me-Adu "Look up in the sky. There's just been an explosion." No one knew what was going on. But quickly the scary thoughts had been replaced with celebatory ones and a huge roar from the crowd as the message came to be deciphered.

Steal from those with

Give to those without

Good luck to the Robbers!
-

The players were going through their preperations for the finals when Zax-Im came up to the players and told them that they needed to go to the meeting room, coach Hawdon and coach Khim had a special announcement for them.

Hawdon: You have no idea how proud of you we are. This has been a very special run and we've enjoyed it immensely. Our relationship with you has been incredible and it means the world to us. But we have to tell some news that might be suprising to you. Me and Coach Khim have both decided it's time to move on.

Khim:Three cups is a long time to stay with one foreign national team. We came here to make Az-cz into a world power, and here we are in the dressing room for the finals looking to defend Burlock Castle. We've done it.

Hawdon: Indeed. Regardless of what happens out their today, you guys have proven to the world that you are an amazing team and that Az-cz is a nation that we'll have to be considered a threat every cup now.

Khim: Indeed. I can remember when I first saw you guys up close in a friendly before world cup 30. Clearly there were signs of talent there, but still a lot of progress to be made. Now you could go out there by yourselves and give any team in the world a tough match.

Hawdon: To the younger players on the squad, we'd like to get to know you better, but we've enjoyed this cup none the less, and to the older players, especially our captains, Nerazzurri, Kn-Dg and Hubertino, you guys have been just incredible.

Khim: I can't believe that we've come together like this. A Starblaydian, a SAAS nation, A Bazalonian, an SDL nation, and a whole bunch of unaligned Az-czzers coming together into such a fierce squad. Go out there and make us proud.

Nerazzurri was the first to speak up.

Nerazzurri: When did you come to this decision?

Khim: We started to talk about it after the pounding you guys delivered to Schiavonia. The composure you showed in taking down Demot convinced us that you had arrived as a true world power and that we didn't need to guide you anymore.

Kn-Dg: We may not need you, but you're great coaches and we want you to stick around.

Khim: Sorry. There comes a time when we have to go. We've both been away from our homes for a long time. When I came to Az-cz it was to mold a young squad and I didn't expect to be here even as long as I have been.

Hawdon: Indeed, even though it isn't far, I'd like to get back to living in Bazalonia full time. Az-cz is a wonderful country, but it's time for me to head home as well.

Stanleyinho: What about the assistant coaches.

Hawdon: Well Hobble's never really felt comfortable here in Az-cz, so he's also leaving. As for Zax-Im I would imagine he'll be staying on. Any other questions?

The room was silent.

Hawdon: Guess not. Well go get ready. You've got a world cup finals to play.

The team reassembled in their locker room, a little bit shocked. The FA was in talks to renew the contracts with both coaches. No one really knew what to say.

Once again Nerazzurri was the first to speak up.

Nerazzurri: Well this is it then guys. The last match of our cup. The last match with our coaches. Let's get it done.

Levesque: Coach Khim's tenure in Starblaydia ended with a finals loss. Let's make sure he doesn't end his time here the same way.

Pizelkaxrovsky: For us, for the coaches, for Az-cz, let's win this baby.

"Welcome back to Sonastra Sports, where our live coverage of the World Cup final is just minutes away. So, this is it. Bettia's big day has finally arrived. The only thing that stands between them now and World Cup glory are eleven guys in pink and green. Just to confirm that the Aroras will be playing in their blue and white 2nd-choice strip - now, the rumours surrounding this saying that they're doing this because the Az-Czid pink is a little too close to red for the team's liking have been officially denied by the FAB. They've taken this decision simply to avoid any possible colour-clashes, seeing as both team's kits contain green. John - what are your thoughts about how this game might go?"

"Well, this is arguably the biggest match that any of these teams will have ever played, and possibly will ever play, in their entire lives. Although both teams enjoy to attack, especially Bettia, I think we can expect to see some nerves early on before they settle down."

"Yes, and this is unexplored territory in every sense of the word, isn't it? The two teams have only ever met once, and that was the friendly just before the finals got underway. Bettia came away with a 4-2 win that day, and an impressive display it was too, but as we all know, friendlies mean naff all, especially in this context."

"So, any predictions on the result?"

"Not really. You know I don't do predictions for religious reasons."

"Ummm, right. So how about some analysis on the two teams?"

"Well, Bettia are the higher ranked team and have slowly built up a reputation as an attacking force in world football, but Az-Cz will probably be on much better form, seeing as they've had a much harder run-in to this game. The way I see it, there really is nothing to divide these two."

"Now, some commentators are saying that due to both Bettia's and Az-Cz's relatively low ranking that neither team should even be here today. What do you say to that?"

"That's absolute poppycock. The Aroras and the Gnomes have made it here through sheer hard graft, and in our case a smidgeon of good fortune. I've said it before and I'll say it again - teams don't make it to the World Cup Final by being crap!"

"So, who is the one dangerman that Bettia needs to look out for?"

"Well, Pizelkaxrovsky seems to really stand out - he's the archtypical midfield dynamo, who's built up a reputation as one of the world's leading free-kick takers."

"And on the Bettian team?"

"Well, I don't know about one dangerman, but the three dangermen will most certainly be the Busilanta brothers - they have been absolutely lethal on occasions, carving up defences like nobody's business! And with players like Malik Abdul-Nur, the Apex League's leading goalscorer, and Abel Abramson, a really exciting young talent, waiting on the wings, Stuart Abdul-Rahim has realy built himself a team to be feared."

"Alright, we're just minutes away from kickoff, and the teams are lining up in the tunnel, so it's over to our commentary team of Amir Bettison and Malik Jacobs. Malik?"

"Thank you John! You do indeed see the teams there, both looking well-psyched up for this game as they prepare for the final push. Mitchell Ellis, the team captain there chatting with the match officials as they wait for the go-ahead. As our colleagues in the studio mentioned, Bettia will be playing in blue and white, but they we also hear they'll be wearing black armbands in memory of George and Doris Baghni, that lovely old couple from Pifton who got married just before the Aroras' quarter-final before tragically dying on their wedding night. A touching gesture there from the players, I'm sure you'll agree."

"And they players certainly won't be short of support, both here in the stadium and abroad. Although the home fans hold sway in numbers, there are tens of thousands of Bettians here, turning pockets of this delightful ground blue. And there have been messages of support coming in from across the world, from as far afield as Jerusalem and Qazox. And... yes, they're starting to come out - expect an explosion of noise here!"




As the players strode out onto the pitch, they were indeed met with a wall of noise - the home fans screaming their heads off, and the Bettians filling the skies above the stands with their own unique brand of chanting. And as the teams lined up for their national anthems, the tension on the players' faces was clearly visible, their thoughts plain to see by every viewer around the world.

This is it.

This is the big one.

Don't cock it up now.

<Dazza Dallas in Bettian cheerleader dress in sea of Bettians>

Dazza
"Hi, this is Dazza Dallas for JGN at the World Cup 33 final. It's Bettia vs Az-cz in Az-cz, and Bettians are here in force. It's sure to to be big event for Bettia and the locals too. The stadium is full and it's sure to be final not to forget. The Bettians here are cheering on their team as are fans from Jeruselem, Nedalia, and Qazox. There's one thing we all love about footnall, it's bring together the peoples of the world in one sport! See you later when the game starts. OK guys, let's get a big cheer to test your voices."

Crowd
"GO BETTIA! VICTORY"

Dazza
"Good stuff! The Bettians are on song."

<Camera goes off>

Dazza sits down next to a lucky Bettian man "Spare seat here?" she asks.
He smiles "You can sit on my lap if you want? Oh, nice dress.".
Dazza sat down "Makes me look younger. Now, let's watch a football game. No hanky panky, you'll get in trouble with your wife."

RP cutoff

The Enlightener: World Cup final special, pages 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9........
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Champions!!!!

Bettia..............................3 (P.Busilanta 24, B.Busilanta 35, Ellis 90+2)
Az-Cz.............................1 (Ee-Or 34)


The Blessed Realm of Bettia is in a state of near-delerium as fans throughout the country celebrate the Aroras coming away with a dramatic victory to claim the World Cup. The Aroras came into this, the biggest game in the nation's history fully aware that this would be a very tough game indeed as history has tradionally favoured the hosts - only twice has the hosts lost in the World Cup final, and the last time was way back in World Cup 10 when Bettia wasn't even a twinkle in the president's eye.

And so, they came to a Burlock Castle packed to the rafters with Az-Czid locals doing everything they could to become their team's twelth man, and travelling Bettians responding in kind with long renditions of 'Bettia Boleh!'. It truly was an atmosphere fit for a final.

As it turned out, the opening stages of the game were very even with the home team perhaps shading things, and it was they who had the first goalscoring opportunity after 16 minutes after a corner found star striker Ee-Or in space - however, his volley flew just inches wide of the post.

Bettia's much-needed breakthough came just eight minutes later after Dewi Morris' charge through the centre was cut short by a slightly late tackle from Hubertino. As per usual, it was Barry Scott who placed the ball down, and unleashed a wickedly dipping shot over the defensive wall. Unfortunately it didn't dip quite enough and the ball crashed down off the crossbar thanks to an acrobatic fingertip save from Gn-Lg. Luckily for the Bettian faithful, Peri Busilanta was on hand, being first to the rebound to head into the empty net as the goalkeeper lay stranded after his exertions.

To their credit, Az-Cz weren't in the least bit put off by this misfortune and they continued to create chances, with their extra man in midfield tipping the scales in their favour. Their efforts paid off as the Barry Scott was robbed of the ball just inside his own half by Pizelkaxrovsky, who found Ee-Or with a delightful through ball who managed to squeeze his shot past Bettian goalkeeper Mitchell Ellis despite the close attentions of Said bin Said Ismail.

That was the cue for wild celebrations in the home sections of the ground, but those celebrations were quickly and cruelly cut short in little less than 50 seconds. From the kick off, the ball was cut back to Dewi Morris, who picked out Said bin Said Ismail making a run down the wing, who soon had the ball taken off him. However, his quickly-taken long throw found Budi Busilanta many yards behind the Az-Czid back three, and he gleefully smashed the volley home as the defenders howled for an offside flag that never came.

And so half-time came, with Bettia keeping hold of their slender hard-fought lead. They almost increased that within a minute of the restart as they once again caught the home team napping. A long ball over the top found Peri Busilanta sprinting into space, but unfortunately his shot was rather wayward, flying harmlessly into the advertising hoardings behind the goal.

As the half wore on, goalscoring chances galore came and went for both sides. Pizelkaxrovsky and Hubertino shot narrowly wide within a couple of minutes of each other and Ee-Or had a shot well-saved by Ellis, whilst at the other end, all three of the Busilanta brothers wasted clear chances to make the game slightly more comfortable.

Perhaps the turning point came after 76 minutes when Az-Cz had their best opportunity to level the score. After a period of pressure which saw Az-Cz more or less camped around the Bettian penalty area, Ip-Gp took a shot from outside the area which substitute Hisham Azmi blocked. However, the referee adjudged that he had handled the ball and awarded the penalty, much to the dismay to the boys in blue. And so it was up to Ee-Or to take responsibility for this vital kick, but luckily for Bettia, Mitchell Ellis was equal to the task and dived well to his right to parry the ball before scrambling forwards to smother the rebound.

Az-Czid heads dropped after this, as though they realised that this wasn't going to be their day. They poured forwards in a desperate attempt to claw their way back, but the Bettian defence, and in particular Ellis, all held firm, and it was the goalkeeper who was involved in the final twist in this tale.

As the clock ticked into injury time and the stadium began to ring with the whistles from the Bettia supporters, all urging the referee to blow the final whistle. A premature cheer went up as his whistle did indeed sound out two minutes into injury time - unfortunately it was simply to award a free-kick some twenty yards into the Bettian half for offside. Desperate to see the clock wind down even further, Mitchell Ellis simply hoofed the ball into the home half as far as he could, then looked on as Gn-Lg yelled at his defenders to leave the ball, which they duly did. However, he had horribly misjudged the flight of the ball and could only watch on in despair as it bounced high over his head and trickled into the goal to make the game safe.

That was the cue for near-pandemonium on the Bettian bench, which only grew as the referee finally blew for full time.

That was it! The dreams of the team, the staff, and every one of Bettia's supporters had come true!

http://212.77.178.138/2006//user/72316/vorschau/72316_164449.jpg
A jubilant Peri Busilanta celebrates the final whistle

For what seemed like an eternity, the Bettian players shook hands and consoled their opponents before embarking on a lap of honour to salute their fans, all while the stadium staff hurridly erected a stage on the halfway line. Finally their time came, and one by one, each one of the squad walked onto the stage to claim their winner's medal before the team's captain and hero of the day Mitchell Ellis took his place. After a few words of congratulation, he hoisted the trophy triumphantly above his head to announce to the world that the Aroras had finally come of age.

And so marks the end of a truly thrilling World Cup campaign for Bettia. Never mind the fact that they had gone 23 games unbeaten. Never mind the fact that they had netted 82 goals at an average of over three a game. Never mind the fact that they only failed to score once.

Bettia are the World Cup winners, and that's the only statistic that matters!


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

World Cup Knockout Stages

FN: Az-Cz...................Burl....W 3-1
SF: Wentland................Fort....W 2-1
QF: Geisenfried.............Jink....D 3-3
.............(Bettia win 3-2 on penalties)
2R: Alasdair I Frosticus....Jink....W 4-3

First Round, Group D

01: Rejistania..............Quak....D 2-2
02: Turori..................Quak....W 2-1
03: Yafor 2.................Quak....W 4-3

Friendly

FR: Az-Cz...................Away....W 4-2

Qualifying Group 1

01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME....D 3-3
11: Bostopia................Away....W 5-0
12: Kelssek.................HOME....W 5-1
13: Marceau State...........Away....W 3-1
14: New Propagandia.........HOME....W 3-0
15: Collonie................Away....W 5-3
16: Lovisa..................HOME....W 1-0
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-0
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME....W 4-1

OOC: Bettia, EE-Or hadn't played since the loss to Northern Bettia.

Az-cz Scroll
Mil-Bax
Il-Lur

Gnomes outdone by Bettia and bad luck

Somedays you can tell things just aren't meant to be. Today was such a day for the Gnomes. Spirits were high heading into the match. The team was excited. There was a brillaint fireworks display. And then disaster struck.

Imagine the worst possible time to lose three starting players to injury. The walk out on to the pitch is exactly such a time, but that's what happened to the Robbers right before the match. As they were coming out of the tunnel for introductions Stanleyinho slipped, and took Kn-Dg and Levesque out with him. All three players were injured enough that they couldn't compete in the match. All of a sudden the match went from excitement to horror. The coaches juggled the lineup as best they could, with EE-Or, Hmr-Pn, and Hu-35 all earning suprise starts.

Despite the shock the gnomes came out swinging as well as they could putting early pressure on the Bettian defense with EE-Or looking in good form and showing the skill that had originally made him the top choice striker. Nearly going ahead in the 16th minute.

The Bettians took the lead on the 24th minute on a beautiful piece of goal poaching with brother Peri popping the Aroras ahead on a nice rebound from a well taken free kick.

The gnomes didn't panic striking back ten minutes later from the foot of EE-Or from a beautiful play by Pizelkaxrovsky. With all of their other main offensive players being taken to the hospital in the pregame accident any chance the gnomes would have would rest on those two taking control.

Unfortunately the tie lasted less than a minute as the Bettians took advantage of poor awareness by the Az-czid midfielders and the Aroras were back in front.

In the second half the gnomes continued to press forward but more bad luck struck when Pizelkaxrovsky had to come off for cramps in the 68th minute and Ip-Gp got his foot caught up in the pitch and twisted his ankle on a play that earned the home team a penalty. It took the gnomes quite a bit of time to figure out where to go to. Ip-Gp and Pizelkaxrovsky had both recently come out, which meant the first two choices gone. Kn-Dg and Levesque were both out as well. It left EE-Or, Uz-Gz, Hmr-Pn and Hu-35 as the choice. EE-Or stepped up, but the moment overwhelmed him and his shot was handled rather comfortably by the Bettian keeper Ellis who quickly corraled the rebound as well.

Even then the gnomes continued to pressure, but one more cruel twist of luck finished off their day as the keeper for Bettia scored on a fluke play when Gn-Lg misjudged a flying ball and let it go in over his head.

Despite all of the bad luck for the Robbers, it's fair to say that Bettia are worthy champions. It's just a shame that such a glorious event ended in such a way for the home team. Still the team fought hard throughout adversity and let the world know that they are truly a team to be reckoned with.