NationStates Jolt Archive

“So son who won the jousts? King John IV asked Prince Jeffery as he returned to the castle.

“Jousts father?” the prince replied confused.

“Yes, boy, you should pay attention more like your brother. It is well known here that I sent a challenge to the finest knights in Starblaydia for a jousting contest after the unimportant soccer preliminaries were done with.”

“But father, there were no knights, just the regular soccer team. They routed us 3-0 on the field. And father, we were at their stadium not here at the Imperium Stadium.”

“Ah that explains it then, they must not have had suitable jousting areas near their stadium. Very inefficient of them, no doubt they are declining to reply until they come here due to the fear their knights have at facing my own invincible knights.”

“So has this defeat cost us our lead in the group son?” the King asked oddly concerned.

“No father it hasn’t.”

“Ah excellent tell my black knights then I retain my confidence in their inevitable triumph. A mere pebble in out path to victory this is. Very well then son, off you go.”

“Yes father.” Prince Jeffery said with a sigh not wishing to bother his father and risk the king’s temper over the fact that the reason why this defeat did not cost them the lead was because the team wasn’t anywhere close to first place to begin with.

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.24

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Kevin Stump, Sir Utterly Butterly, Lieutenant Pigeon, Mr E Jeffries, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were approved.

The Financial Officer reported that there was a loss of two guineas from the previous activities. The Chairman was distraught and asked how this could have happened. The FO said that was due to extra international telephone calls with Turruth Gordur regarding their match and the fact that the Great Baloo or whatever he was called kept reversing the charges. The Chairman proposed that Turruth be hosted in the Stinkwater Hotel when they came for the reverse fixture. The FO suggested that someone make a reverse charge call to the Turruth speaking clock instead.

The Chairman reported back from the trial of Mr Jellicoe. Apparently there was a mistake in the drafting of the Campanology Prevention Act, which makes it compulsory to prevent campanology. Mr Jellicoe is now going to be awarded a knighthood for his public spirit and the vicar of St Aldhelm's is going to be carroted. However there is an appeal in the offing on the basis that a bug entered into the publishing process. NH asked whether a spider had got into the printing press. The Chairman said he was assured it was a bluebottle, but said insect had been fairly mangled by the lithographer.

A letter from the Glenmore FA stated that there was a problem with one of their pitches. Coastal erosion meant that corners at the Cliff end were now fatal for right-wingers and they sought an exemption from the rules to allow for corners to be taken from the other side. The Chairman asked the other side of what. No-one at the meeting was any the wiser so the Chairman dictated a telegraph to be transmitted to Glenmore (copy attached to the original of these minutes - DW).

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland defeated BBQ by two goals to nil. The Chairman asked why Wentland was playing a barbecue. NH said that that was a shortened version of the full country name of Bushes Been Quaked. The Shade asked which bushes. NH said that he would endeavour to discover this in the reverse fixture. NH stated that Wentland remained atop the relevant Group and were progressing towards qualification satisfactorily.

There being no other business the meeting was declared closed.[/QUOTE]



Miss W - I preffer my actual statement for the final para, that we are stomping on Johnny forriner like Godzilla on ants. Cld you please do your stuff. The Hacker



Dear Mr Hacker

As a secretary of many years' standing, I consider that your wording is inappropriate for inclusion in an official document of record. However if you wish to make comment you may do so at the next meeting.

Yours sincerely

Dorothea Widmore (Miss)

NUOR NATHA RRAUN ULU NEZ
ROLL A SIX TO WIN

Cookesland - 0 - V - 6 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/231133.jpg
Hat-trick hero Karl Isaak with a random corner flag

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

While most certainly a harsh result for the home side who defended bravely, the win for Fort Europe couldn't have come at a better time and boosts them back up into fifth place in group three just behind Cookesland though still some nine points short of the leaders Schiavonia. The game started with a goal, just three minutes in when Katherine Keller's cross was met by the head of Karl Isaak to subdue the home crowd, and resulted in a re-organisation of the Cookesland defense which was able to shut down most of the Fort Europe attacks for the rest of the first half and even managed to get some forward moves going themselves. The first half ended however the same way it started, this time it was Andy Fletcher's corner found Karl Isaak's head but the result was the same. Two goals up going into the break and the traveling supporters were already partying.

The second half started slowly with the ball staying in and around the center circle as Cookesland strengthened their play after what must have been a rather harsh half time team talk. They were not able to hold on for long though and the ball was rolled into the back of the net on the hour with a classic Michelle Bishop strike from the edge of the area which found the top corner with pin point precision. After that the Cookesland defense buckled, Tim Forrester put his name on the score sheet next placing a curling free kick past the hands of Cookesland keeper Daniel Campo with twenty minutes left on the clock. That left Isaak to collect a well deserved hat-trick this time striking with his right foot from just inside the area, and the sixth came from that wonderfully talented Michelle Bishop to tally her second of the game with just minutes to spare.

A confident all round performance which left goalkeeper James West extremely pleased to have kept a clean sheet, though he complained afterwards that he would have liked to have touched the ball at least once during the match. Next week will see Fort Europe host the unranked Druida at the Commonwealth Stadium and another chance for Fort Europe to move up the table and closer to qualification for the World Cup finals. Elsewhere there were wins for Demot in group three, Assegai Developments in group four and the controversial Turruth Gordur in group six, while those happy little Elves drew at home and the random extremity of Random Toast lost again.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

9 - James West
9 - Murphy Lee
10 - Tim Forrester (C) (70)
8 - Shaun Pearson
9 - Gemma Lloyd
8 - Katherine Keller
9 - Andy Fletcher
8 - Edowine Sanjuan
9 - Vicky Princess
10 - Michelle Bishop (69,89)
10 - Karl Isaak (3,45,82)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Floe Peltsten
9 - Aki Haddon (On for Pearson (45))
- - Chris Lessinger
8 - Ian Sikes (On for Sanjuan (63))

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/94144.jpg
Isaak heads for home

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/144555.jpg
Nick Salrisa vents his frustration

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/13941.jpg
The team celebrate a fine victory

As usual, Yul wanted to score a goal.

He gained possession of the ball in the eleventh minute, on a long pass from Lawrence, and tried to cross to the other side of the field as defenders cut him off. But Phillip was open, and Yul wasn't going to deny the uncomfortable realization anymore. He passed. Phillip, driving hard, put it in, and Zwangzug was up 1-0. It was that simple.

Yul flashed a thumbs up, mouthing "goal" as they trekked back to their own half. Simon Ryne would take the faceoff.

"Pass." Phillip signaled his approval in the same way.

Algal states equalized almost immediately once the second half began: Lawrence was too far over to the sidelines to stop what he should have, making it a clear breakaway.

There would be no shame in another draw...But. Always the but. Yul rather liked winning, and had gotten comfortable with the lead. In order to regain it, he'd have to work as a team member. Again.

He dropped back. His kicks were powerful and long, but it were Phillip's that had the precision to make it into the net. Another goal came in the eightieth minute. From there it was simplistic: Zwangzug had its first win of the World Cup qualifiers.

"Thanks 4 the passes," Phillip said awkwardly later. The Zwangzug forwards had rarely made it a point to acknowledge that they were even on the same team: Yul had started a slow process.

"Eh. Ur welcum."

Phillip shifted away uncomfortably.

"But if u hadn't scord, I'd'v set my dad^2 on u."

Phillip had no respect for the mayor of Bangkok, who in turn had no respect for the gangs that dominated the streets. "I thot he wuz ur-"

"That 2. And mab ur-"

"I don't wanna no."

"And Andrew's 1/2 uncle..."

A half-step back, perhaps. But one forward.

“Good evening, Assegai. This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cathedral Park in Leá Monde, where tonight, the Riskbreakers of Assegai Developments promptly defeated the robotic squad from Lethislavania 4-0. And, although Random Toast lost 0-2 and E.S.F. drew 1-1, we’re happy to report that other YoungWorld representatives Turruth Gordur defeated Acapais 4-1, while Fort Europe thrashed Cookesland 6-0.

“Lethislavania, making their first ever visit to Assegai in their first ever qualifying run, put up a decent fight, but Assegai’s experience was the difference in this one. It must be said that neither team showed lack of drive. However, Assegai scored their goals when the opportunities presented themselves, while Assegai keeper Akihiko Yoshida earned his first clean sheet of the tournament with several key saves, and even assisted on the last goal of the game.”

Before she can continue, a group of Assegai supporters behind her begin chanting.

“BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! LET ME HEAR YOU SAY…YOSHIDA! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! YOSHIDA!”

Mikaela giggles.

“Well, let’s get to the goals. Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot got things started in the 11th minute, scoring a superb goal off a free kick, 25 yards out from the goal. His twisting, bending shot curled over Lethislavania’s wall and swerved away from keeper KR-GK, who couldn’t stop it from crossing the line.

“It would be a while before Assegai scored again, during which time, Lethislavania made a few runs at the Assegai goal, but were denied either by well-timed defensive stops or by Yoshida’s acrobatic saves.

“Forward Severus Snape finally broke the drought in the 34th minute, chesting a pass down from midfielder Duane Grissom and dribbling between two defenders and beating KR-GK on a chip shot, to put Assegai up 2-0.

“It would be a good while before Assegai scored, though. However, by this time, Assegai’s midfield had complete control of the flow of the game, and if it weren’t for KR-GK making several impressive stops, the score would have much inflated.

“At halftime, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga took out forward Samantha Neesa, who seemed to be off her game tonight, and subbed in Stephen de Cobham. He would add to Assegai’s tally in the 71st minute, working well off a give-and-go with forward Sidney Losstarot, causing KR-GK to dive early and allowing de Cobham to simply tap in the goal, making it 3-0.

“Yoshida, maintained the sovereignty of his net, and after making a spectacular save less than two minutes later, cleared the ball to the center circle, finding Snape breaking past the Lethislavania defense. KR-GK came out to cut off Snape’s angles, but he dribbled around him and slammed in the final goal of the match.”

The supporters suddenly erupt into chant.

“HE IS UGLY, HE’S INSANE! WE LOVE SNAPE ALL THE SAME!”

“With the win, Assegai jumps to second place in the group and now prepares for a visit to Qazox, the Riskbreakers’ rival, which has trumped them in the past. Although Assegai has yet to defeat the Black Oxen in four encounters, the Riskbreakers are playing their best football at the moment and could humiliate Qazox in their own backyard.

The supporters waste no time.

“BUILD A BONFIRE, BUILD A BONFIRE! PUT QAZOX ON THE TOP! PUT E.S.F. IN THE MIDDLE AND WE’LL BURN THE FUCKIN’ LOT!”

Before Mikaela can continue, they erupt into another chant.

“MY BUDDY IS A QAZOX FAN AND I SAID, ‘DAMNIT, YOU’RE A ****! I’D RATHER FUCK A BUCKET WITH A BIG HOLE IN IT THAN BE A QAZOX FAN FOR ONLY JUST ONE MINUTE!”

Mikaela turns back to the camera, mouth agape.

“Uh, we have to cut this short,” she says. “That was too much. Uh… we’ll be back later on, with player interviews on the eve of this great game. Until then, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off. Assegai wins again! Have great night, Assegai!”

Match Summary

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 4
(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/lethislavania.png Lethislavania 0

[AD]
Ashley Riot (11’)
Severus Snape (34’, 73’)
Stephen de Cobham (71’)

[LET]
None

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

Upcoming Match

No. 35 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/qazox.png Qazox
vs.
No. 57 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

From the Desk of Draco Glaurung:

While we are still missing the presence of our formidable team manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad, we’re finally beginning to play like the team he has tried to mold us into. Tonight’s 4-1 win over Acapais serves as example of the potential of Turruth Gordur football. I must say that the delegation from Acapais was treated very well, and that security in and around the stadium was at an all-time high. Empire officers even apprehended a group of hooligans that are thought to have been involved in the disaster at Casari. Nonetheless, it felt good to finally notch two wins in a row. Now, we travel to Spruitland, with the hopes of an upset, because they are a very talented side.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spruitland.png Spruitland
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur

"...and after a very tough night, the final score here - Houersteinzer one, Northern Bettia one. We'll head back to the studio in a minute, but first we'll hear a few words of wisdom from team manager Iwan Obani with our pitchside reporter Bernie Ukyo... Bernie?"

"Thank you John. Yes, I am indeed here with Iwan Obani. Iwan - a disappointing result?"

"Yeah, considering some of our victories so far in this tournament, this is something of a disappointment. But then again, my squad was pretty badly depleted, what with all the suspensions and that."

"Yes, the suspensions. Now, some critics have said that your team's controversial tactics are proving to be somewhat detrimental to Northern Bettia's chances of doing well in our first World Cup - what do you say to that?"

"Our tactics? Well, I honestly can't understand why some people might be upset by our preferred style of trying to get as many opposition players removed the pitch as possible in order to give us the advantage, but it's worked well up until now."

"By 'preferred tactic', you mean playing dirty, right?"

"Some might call it that, but I prefer to refer to it as the thinking man's game - in fact, I've noticed the Anyuna Observer has already described our style as System Obani. I'm rather flattered, to be honest - hey, maybe our style will become as world-famous like System Karela and System Takil. And let's face it, if everyone knows that we'll be going all out to get the other side sent off the pitch one way or another, it's up to the other side not to get suckered into our trap and get themselves sent off or injured - it's as simple as that. And if it means we have to resort to bending the rules just a teensy weensy bit, then so be it."

"But surely it's this very approach that led to you being forced to field a second string team here today with just two substitutes on the bench. How can that be any good?"

"Look on the bright side Bernie - it just means my first team will be fit and well-rested for the next couple of games, and these will be very tough games indeed. We may have to go all out to apply our System Obani - heh, I'll never get tired of hearing that. We've been working hard on tactics in preparation for the Archregimancy game, in particular how to hide our little infringements from the match officials. If we can go a whole game without getting a man sent off whilst getting one or two of theirs, it'll be a sure sign our style is working."

"Of course, the Archregimancy is a whole different kettle of fish. Do you really think a team of Orthodox monks are going to fall for your tricks?"

"Oh yes, you've got a point there. If they've taken a vow of silence, they're hardly going to protest to the ref, and they're hardly going to lash out or attempt to send a few crunching tackles our way if they're provoked. Hmmmm... we're gonna have to be really sneaky here..."

"Iwan Obani, thank you. Back to you lads..."



Fixtures / Results


MD..OPPONENT.............VENUE...RESULT
01: Zwangzug.............HOME....W 2-1
02: Cafundéu.............Away....W 2-1
03: Ariddia..............Away....L 0-2
04: Fmjphoenix...........HOME....W 3-2
05: Houersteinzer........Away....D 1-1
06: The Archregimancy....HOME
07: Tanah Burung.........HOME
08: Dance 2 Revolution...Away
09: Algal States.........HOME
10: Fmjphoenix...........Away
11: The Archregimancy....Away
12: Ariddia..............HOME
13: Tanah Burung.........Away
14: Houersteinzer........HOME
15: Algal States.........Away
16: Zwangzug.............Away
17: Dance 2 Revolution...HOME
18: Cafundéu.............HOME

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/94144.jpg
Isaak heads for home

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/144555.jpg
Nick Salrisa vents his frustration

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/13941.jpg
The team celebrate a fine victory

ooc: Fort Europe these pics are awesome! how do you make them?

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/dance_2_revolution.png Dance 2 Revolution 1-3 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

No slip-up yet


Travelling to the oddly named country Dance 2 Revolution, the Rouge-et-Noirs secured a comfortable 3-1 win, consolidating their place at the top of group 2. Andrews scored twice and Zandberg once, whereas Raphaëlle du Valdor narrowly missed the goal cage in her first ever World Cup match. Xavier Xu, playing well as ever, conceded just one goal.

Asked whether qualification was a certainty, coach Yves al Jahdali was cautious.

“No. We have to continue taking every game very seriously. It would be not only arrogant but foolish to under-estimate our opponents. Like everyone else, we’ll fight to earn our place, the hard way.”

Ariddia will be hosting Cafundéu for the team’s next match. Xavier Xu, who plays for Dunboor FC in Cafundeu, said the encounter would be “interesting”.

“People who would normally be hoping I stop a lot of shots will now be hoping I concede,” he joked.

Another Ariddian star who plays in Cafundéu is Ke Sho.

“I’d have preferred not to have to face them, really,” he admitted. “It’s a little bit uncomfortable. Still, we can make them feel at home, and hopefully have a good time. And win, of course,” he added with a smile.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU USES ABILITY TO GET A POINT

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/2184/3708225047cmj6.jpg
Kliek worried in the last minutes of the game

Cafundéu went to The Archregimancy in The Dreamed Realm after a tiresome trip. After visiting the country for two days, watched by the local authorities, they played a difficult game against the home team. Our players played very well and got a good draw, finishing the game with a result of 3x3, staying in the second position in the Group 2 of the World Cup qualifiers.

The press of The Archregimancy announced that the team only drew because they thought that we were another team, because of our second kit, a yellow one. This is an unfair and unrealistic excuse, as our team played well and deserved to get the point playing away. They played well too, but our reaction power surprised them. Now Cafundéu’s players will travel to Ariddia to play against the champions. Five players of Ariddia’s National Team play in Cafundéu teams, and the most famous in Cafundéu are the goalkeeper Xavier Xu and the attacker Sebastien Lescrit.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game with an attacking formation, but the full-backs were more defensive than the usual, as the coach was warned that The Archregimancy creates good attacks using the wings. The balanced and patient style of play of the home team seemed better in the first minutes, as they could control the ball possession.

The Archregimancy was really better in the game and Cafundéu couldn’t create good plays, while the opponents had great chance in the first ten minutes. Br. Iosephus dribbled Priotto and passed the ball to Br. Innocent, who shot to the goal. Vargas made a good save. Some minutes later, Fr. Silouan received the ball from Fr. Pancratius and headed the ball, but Vargas saved another time.

But this strong pressure ended in a goal. In the eighteenth minute, Fr. Pancratius runned and could reach the right wing in the attack of his team. He controlled the ball and crossed to Fr. Silouan, who hit the ball with a perfect header to score the first goal of the game. Cafundéu realized that the game wasn’t favourable for the team and decided to react. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Herrrrre arrrrre the Arrrrrchregimancy attacking. Pancrrrrratius rrrrreach the rrrrright side of the attack, crrrrrrrrrrossed the ball and... it’s a goal! Goal for The Arrrrrchregimancy! Silouan! Arrrrrchregimancy one, Cafundéu zero!”

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/4748/3278362797gacpo7.jpg
Silouan scores the first goal of the game

But Cafundéu could react fast. In a fast play, Brahma found Ganz Ijak well positioned and passed the ball to him. The attacker dribbled Fr. Nicholas R.M. and shot, scoring the goal. The Cafundelense player commemorated the goal removing his shirt, and received a yellow card. Cafundéu could score, but wasn’t in top form in the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu is attacking, wants to scorrrrre at any prrrrrice. Brrrrrahma rrrrreceives the ball... what a beautiful pass, Ganz Ijak got it, drrrribles the opponent, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look at the replay! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, The Archregimancy one.”

Cafundéu could play better than in the first minutes, and could make the game equal. Both teams had some great chances, and the game was very exciting. But in another fast play The Archregimancy could score again. Fr. Pancratius reached the right-wing another time using his speed and crossed the ball again to Fr. Silouan, who headed it again to score another goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Look at Pancrrrrratius again, he’ll do the same play. He crrrrrosses... and it’s another goal! It’s a copy of the first one! Goal for The Arrrrrchregimancy! Silouan! The Arrrrrchregimancy two, Cafundéu one.”

Once again Cafundéu was losing, and had to recover again. The team had a good chance with Kliek, who dribbled an opponent and passed the ball to Heitor, inside the area, who shot and sent the ball over the bar. Finally, in the last minutes of the first half, Cafundéu could score again. The team could break the strong defense of The Archregimancy with Anormal, who invaded the area and crossed to Ganz Ijak, who headed to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“The giant comes, it’s Anorrrrrmal. He rrrrruns over the defenders, crrrrrrrrrrosses the ball... Ijak comes... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! Of Cafundéu! Look at the replay! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu two, The Archregimancy two!”

The first half ended, and the coach Franz Braddock decided to make some changes for the second half. Priotto left the game and let Kimball enter. The team became even more offensive, but the real reason of this change is because Priotto is a very violent player, and this could be a problem in a tough game like this one. The teams returned to play the second half.

In the first minutes of the second half, Cafundéu seemed better. Played an exciting and offensive style, and could create many good plays. In the first minute, after the kickoff Heitor noticed that the goalkeeper was praying and shot from the midfield, but missed the goal. Kimball shot inside the area, but the ball hit the post. In another one, Anormal shot from outside the area with strength and sent the ball over the bar. The Archregimancy replied with Br. Anjes, who received the ball from Fr. Pancratius and headed, sending the ball over the bar.

In the twentieth minute, The Archregimancy showed a very intelligent play and could score in a moment when they weren’t expected to score. Br. Barsanuphius sent the ball to Br. Innocent, who dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot to the goal, giving no chances to the goalkeeper Vargas and scoring the third goal of The Archregimancy in the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“We rrrrreally look better in the game. Oh, no, we lost the ball. Arrrrrchregimancy is counterrrrrattacking. Barrrrrsanuphius passes, Innocent got the ball, invades the arrrrrea, shoots and it’s a goal! Goal for The Arrrrrchregimancy! Innocent! The Arrrrrchregimancy three, Cafundéu two!”

But Cafundéu didn’t give up. They continued to try to score using the centre of the field. The Archregimancy replied with Br. Innocent, who received a ball from Br. Petroniu, but was fouled by Becão, who received a yellow card. Br. Innocent looked seriously injured, but surprisingly he got up like nothing has happened. Cafundéu had one good chance with Ganz Ijak, who received the ball from Kirs and shot, but wide.

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/8971/3278346134gacnx9.jpg
Silouan scores the second goal

Soon the coach Franz Braddock understood that the wingers weren’t performing well, so he decided to put one more attacker in the place of a full-back. Vandick left and Renário entered, and Cafundéu was hoping to score. Heren Ijak had a good chance, invading the area and shooting, but Fr. Constantine blocked his path.

When the referee announced that he would give only one minute of extra time, Cafundéu decided to make a last and powerful attack. Renário tried to invade the area, but was fouled by Fr. Nicholas Unm., who received a yellow card and apologized for the foul. Anormal took it and shot like a cannon, giving no chances to the poor goalkeeper. Goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Last chance for Cafundéu. The game is coming to the end. Frrrrree kick. Anorrrrrmal takes it. He shoots. A cannon! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look at the replay! Anormal, number five! Cafundéu three, The Arrrrrchregimancy three!”

The players talked with the Cafundelense press in the end of the game. The firs one was the captain Júlio Vargas, who said: “This game was very equal, and both teams deserved the draw. It’s a good result for us, and if we continue playing well, we will qualify.” Anormal talked too: “This place is completely different, but it’s familiar to me somehow, but I don’t know why. Anyway, a good game for us and we could win an important point.”

The coach replied to the opponent’s press comments: “Excuses. We played as well as them, and the draw was the fairer result. They didn’t let we score, all the goals were difficult to score and I’m sure that they have done their best. About our shirt, surely it is yellow. But it’’s very different from Alasdair’s one, as we have only small details in red. Our shorts are never red. They are blue or yellow, but NEVER red. But about the game, it was a good game, and we got a good point playing away.”

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/2966/2516011113chc3.jpg
Cafundéu held the draw in the first half

THE ARCHREGIMANCY 3x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown temple, in The Archregimancy.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Jeff Allan (Liverpool England).
MOTM: Ganz Ijak (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy.png THE ARCHREGIMANCY*: Fr. Justinian, Fr. Pancratius, Fr. Nicholas Unm., Fr. Constantine and Fr. Nicholas R.M.; Br. Iosephus, Br. John (Br. Anjes 50’), Br. Barsanuphius and Br. Petroniu; Br. Innocent (Fr. Marcus 80’) and Fr. Silouan.
Coach: Fr. David the Water Drinker.
*names abbreviated to save space

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Renário 85’), Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto (Kimball 45’), Brahma and Kliek; Heitor (Heren Ijak 70’) and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:ARC: Fr. Silouan 18’/36’ , Br. Innocent 65’.
CAF: Ganz Ijak 23’/44’ , Anormal 89’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Ariddia: Vargas, Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Wantuirso; Vandick, Anormal, Metir, Kliek and Kirs; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Jerome Sivasubramanian (Schiavonia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 5 games:

5- G. Ijak
3- Renário
2- Heitor and Anormal
1- R. Kliek

BE CALM TELEVISION: ESTRESSE INTENSO WINS IN A VIOLENT GAME
Commented by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Verônica Branus
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

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Dos Alpes commemorates good victory

DR. SAMPAIO: “Welcome, my crazy friends! I’m Santiago, commenting another game of out National Team, Estresse Intenso! Today we did something incredible. We defeated Liverpool England, by the result of one against zero! And the goal happened in the last minute of the game! So, we have to commemorate! And we have another new thing here: a new commentator. Her name is Verônica Branus. Welcome, Doctor Branus.”

DR. BRANUS: “Welcome. It’s very good to come here, and it’s also good to know that the first game that I’ll comment is a good victory of Landau Institute’s players. Our team played a very balanced game, attacking sometimes but defending well too. But this game wasn’t so exciting. It was very defensive and all the good goal chances happened after counterattacks. But we won, and that’s what matters.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “So let’s see the highlights of the game. Both teams had a balanced style of game, but a hundred million of supporters helped the players of the Landau Institute and motivated them, so we could face their superior ability with our will to fight. The first good chances were ours. One with Gabalán, who shot the ball over the bar, and another with Dos Alpes, but the defender tackled him.”

DR. BRANUS: “It really looked like a good start for Estresse Intenso, but they were all missed chances. Unfortunately for us, soon Liverpool England could stop our attacks and dominated the game. They started to make good attacks and scared the goalkeeper Prunella many times. But the supporters continued to help the team, so Estresse Intenso could hold the opponents during the first half.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Yes, Liverpool England surely grew in the game. They decided to show the home team why they are feared around the NS-world. But our team was able to stop their attacks and the first half finished in a goalless draw. Maybe Liverpool England was overconfident, but the fact is that surely they didn’t play an excellent game in the first half. The coach talked about this”:

“A poor first half. All the chances weren’t good and the zero against zero was the fairest result. Let’s see if we can return better in the second half.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “He said that he expected to see Estresse Intenso better in the second half. But he didn’t. Liverpool England returned better, and could start the pressure over Estresse Intenso. And, in the fifth minute, Dumitrache made a violent foul on Liverpool England’s midfielder inside the area and was sent off. The player left the game injured. An attacker took the penalty kick, but Prunella saved.”

DR. BRANUS: “The best chance of Liverpool England in the whole game. After that, they seemed to be discouraged and didn’t have good plays. Estresse Intenso took advantage of it, but the opponent’s quality was too high and they couldn’t score. About Dumitrache’s sent off, ir was well deserved. Five minutes later, a Liverpool England player would receive the second yellow card and then the red card.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “With ten minutes remaining for the end of the game, Bogdan was elbowed in the face by a midfieder of Liverpool England, who was sent off. The players start to fight against each other, but the referee could stop it before anything more serious happened. Another player of Liverpool England was sent off, and Bergue was too. The game remained violent but boring. And, in the last second, yes, I said second, of the injury time, Gabalán received the ball and shot to score the goal.”

DR. BRANUS: “An incredible goal. Nobody could expect that Gabalán would score in the last second of the game. The game was too violent and difficult. After the goal, the referee of Bettia ended the game and Estresse Intenso could commemorate the first victory of the team inside the Landau Institute. The coach Haroldo Sassarel, happy with the good result, said”:

“Wonderful! This game was so difficult that a draw would be a good result, but this victory is excellent. We defeated them, now we must continue winning! The only bad thing is that two players are suspended, but I’ll look for replacements.”

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Dumitrache fouls an opponent inside the area

ESTRESSE INTENSO 1x0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND

Place: Sector-Delta Sport Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 100,212,000 people (more than half of Landau Institute’s patients) – using a special room.
Referee: Astor Mehdia (Bettia).
MOTM: Carlos Alberto Gabalán (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Bergue, Manga and Flores; Sardinha (Ponte Pênsil 45’), Dumitrache, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo (Mendes 80’); Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/liverpool_england.png LIVERPOOL ENGLAND: no team released.

Goals:EIT: Gabalán 96’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIT – next game’s formation: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Flores; Sardinha, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Ponte Pênsil and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Hicto Sheb Drekar (Wentland).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 5 games:

6- C. Gabalán
1- V. Dos Alpes, F. Ponte Pênsil and Bogdan

well, after our absence Lovisa playing very bad, but I hope some every another match will be better and we come back for the same good condition before our absence. I hope so and our fans hope too.

good luck for Lovisa.

Turtles Massacre Green Wombat

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While hosting Green wombat, Sel Appa not only beat them for the first time, but by a large margin. The final scoreline of 5-1 amazed the 55,000 spectators of mostly Sel Appans. The first goal of the match was by Green wombat and kept the scorline a solid 1-0 for nearly 20 minutes. It was in the 31st minute when Miquelinho scored an impressive goal, with an assist from Arthur Mercator, and equalized the match. Estevez then brought the ball back to make the score 2-1. An amazed crowd cheered and roared. He made a second personal goal right before the Half Time whistle was blown.

With a deficit of two goals, Green wombat desperately tried to narrow it with a starting attack in the second half. They came quite close but the Turtles' keeper Vasily Kashchenko was able to glance it away with his fingertips. Green wombat received a corner, but it failed to materialize into a goal. As the ball travelled down the field, midfielder Arthur Mercator found himself with the ball and just running past the two defenders. He saw only one thing to do and sent the ball into the net. The crowd roared as the '4' appared under Sel Appa on the scoreboard. As the final minutes counted down, Miquelinho brought a second personal goal into the net. The final goal of the match set the scoreline at 5-1. A pumped crowd cheered and roared ecstatically as the Final whistle blew.

The result of this match is that Sel Appa is both 4th in group with 9 points and a +5 goal difference, almost entirely from this match. They also are fourth in the six-team playoff, which determines the three extra teams which qualify along with the 27 group qualifiers and the two hosts, who are given a direct bye to the Cup. Next, the Turtles will host Philodox Weltschmerz, a new team to international football. It is highly likely to be a win and pre-order tickets were so low that it will be played in the 25,200 seat Saturn Stadium in Pakout, Pukapuka. Pakout is the southernmost city in Sel Appa, and hardly could be called a city boasting a population of just over 5000.

Match Coverage is sponsored by United Petrol: Bringing clean, quality energy to Sel Appa.
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The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Quodites down a toast to victory

Quintessence of Dust's fairytale World Cup continued tonight as they surged to victory against Random Toast to remain atop Group 4. Dennis Young made a sensational return, playing perhaps the best ninety minutes of his career and scoring two well-taken goals, while the defence put in a resolute performance that foiled Random Toast's cheesy attack.

The teams appeared roughly matched in talent, with Random Toast certainly not being mugged and easily slowing their opponents' early attacks, but the biggest difference was probably in the pace of the game. There was notable improvement in the fitness levels among Quodite players. Theo Littlefellow played a frenetic game at left midfield, eventually wearing himself out and leaving the field to be replaced by Jessica Jensen, who provided half an hour of equally active play, while Peter Rogers seemed to be involved in every pass on the pitch.

But the star was Young, who entered the stadium with a hung head for the dismissal that had earned him the suspension. The next two hours saw that head winched up to stand higher than anyone's, as he battled away behind Roger Longhorn and then burst free to terrorise the defence, repeatedly besting Strawberry Switchblade and Spontaneous Violence.

The first goal took over half an hour to arrive, but when it did, it proved worth the wait. Excellent defending from Guilermo Azzinio saw Quintessence of Dust win the ball from a Toast corner, and burst into a rapid counterattack that saw them stream up the field in numbers through a succession of quick passes, the last of which found Young, who rounded his marker and fired off a terrific shot that Big Cheese could only watch. The second, a similar way into the second half, was also picture perfect, blossoming out of a seeming deadlock in midfield with Rogers lofting a pass to nowhere. Young suddenly appeared, timing his lunging volley beautifully, and crashed the ball home.

The only sour note came in the closing seconds of injury time, where Rogers picked up the only booking of the match, in what must rank as one of the most pointless incidents in football history. After an attack that started out lacklustre petered out into oblivion, he suddenly felled Jesus Crisp with a wild swing of the legs. Seemingly unprovoked and inducing no obvious advantage, it was a moment of breathtaking stupidity in an otherwise disciplined performance.

Ecstatic fans and home supporters have partied jubilantly this evening, deaf to the words of caution of coach Jeremy Dixon, who was keen to paint the early run of form as encouraging but nothing more. "We have a long way ahead of us," he said after the game, "And while I'm obviously proud of how we've been doing, we have to bear in mind our toughest games are still to come. There's no sense getting overexcited at this very early stage: it'll only to serve to build us up for a fall."

That fall is not likely to be long in common, many independent observers are suggesting, as Quintessence of Dust's impending schedule becomes considerably tougher. The next four matches will see them face the three best-regarded teams in the group, starting with a home game against world number ones Krytenia, for which Rogers has tellingly stated they are just 'looking forward to the experience'. But in Random Toast tonight, the thought of leaner times to come is probably not at the forefront of the players' minds as they celebrate a job well done.

HOLY EMPIRE TELEGRAPH OFFICE
"From Reality to Dreams Since a Very Long Time Ago"

FROM: ANNA COMNENO [Harlesburg]

TO: HOLY EMPIRE HERALD [Alasdairopolis]

HOLY EMPIRE DEFEAT HARLESBURG 5-0 STOP HATTRICK FOR CURCUASO PENALTY FOR TZIMISCES JR HEADER FROM TZETZES STOP REFUSE TO WRITE MATCH REPORT STOP LAST THING NEEDED IS TIRESOME RECAP OF ONESIDED MATCH STOP CATEGORICALLY DENY THIS MAKES ME LAZY STOP OR SOFT STOP ALSO DEMAND INCREASE IN SIZE OF ENTOURAGE STOP PERSONAL COOK PERSONAL SOMMELIER PERSONAL ASSISTANT PERSONAL MAKEUP ARTIST PERSONAL HAIRSTYLIST PERSONAL MASSEUR INADEQUATE STOP INSIST ON ADDITION OF PERSONAL SEX THERAPIST STOP AM VERY LONELY HERE IN HARLESBURG & REQUIRE GOOD LOVING STOP DOES NOT MAKE ME SOFT OR LAZY STOP YRS SINCERELY ANNA STOP

THE MONASTIC TIMES

CONFUSION REIGNS OVER CAFUNDEU MATCH REPORT
MFA Denies Pictures Represent Archregimancy Players

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Monastic Football Association professed itself 'bemused and perplexed' at certain images contained in reports originating from the Cafundeu media last night that purported to portray events in the recent match between that nation and the Archregimancy.

"I am bemused and perplexed" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "While the images of the Cafundeu players are clearly taken from last night's pulsating encounter, the pictures of Archregimancy players are clearly from a different match. In every single picture, the so-called Archregimancy team members are shown to be clean shaven, when surely no monk would take the field without a fetching and stylish full-flowing beard." Officials close to the MFA are said to believe that the images are a 'mere misunderstanding' caused by the 'difficulty of communicating between Ordinary Reality and the Dreamed Realm' rather than a heretical schismatic plot.

When questioned about other discrepancies between media reports on the match, with reports differing on the quality of Cafundeu's play versus Archregimancy claims that the home team could have won 6-0 but for confusion over the identity of their opponent, the anonymous senior archimandrite shuffled his feet nervously, admitted that the Cafundeu reports were 'perhaps not entirely without foundation' but also stressed that the visitor's change kit did look a lot like the Holy Empire's home kit.

OOC: Cookesland, I did answer this question earlier in the discussion thread but will repeat it for you here. I can't actually take credit for the pictures which are simply screen prints from a game (Pro Evolution Soccer 6) which you can by anywhere... I think it's called something else in the US... and just edited the kits to represent each nation I play against. I do agree they look good though and I'm glad you like them.

IC:
FORT EUROPE IGLATA ULU KUSTARTHE DRUIDA
FORT EUROPE PROMISE TO REPEL DRUIDA

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Ahead of todays match at the Commonwealth Stadium against a soft and lazy Druida team, team manager Stuart Moss declared that the Druida team would be repelled at every oportunity, refering to the oposition side as though they were barbarians attacking a mighty fortress. Unlike mindless barbarians however, the visiting players and supporters will of course be treated to the Commonwealth's full hospitality like any other team. In the interview earlier this morning Moss went onto say that while he and the players were extremely pleased to have done so well against Cookesland in their last match, it would be too easy to think that this match would also be a walk over, and that the team would have to stay focused in order to claim another win against Druida. The Fort Europe side line up much as they did against Cookesland last week, with the only change being the returning Ryan Holmes retaking is place and relegating Edowine Sanjuan back to the bench. Despite Holmes's return however, Tim Forrester will retain the captains armband having proved in the last match that he still has what it takes to compete on this level.

STARTING XI

GK - James West
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Tim Forrester (C)
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Andy Fletcher
MF - Ryan Holmes
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Aki Haddon
MF - Edowine Sanjuan
AF - Chris Lessinger

Good evening, everybody, this is Master Guillaume from Teleray 23. You might have heard me earlier this evening with my live broadcast of our 2-1 win over Nedalia. In that case you can switch the channel to 12 for an extralicious chocolate cream pie recipe, or to 2 for the news, or to 4 for the Slavonic Rhapsody #1 by Dvorak. Alternatively, you could stop watching the idiot box and take up jogging. For those of you who weren't at the Grostadion or who didn't hear me live, this is the recap of the game. All three goals were scored by Kapetanopoulos, playing with us in a 4-5-1 formation with Gilmore at the front for a change. He scored from the penalty zone in the 23rd minute and equalized with himself to the horror and chagrin of himself and his teammates two minutes later. There was a great to-do in the 58th minute and Schorteskatascansolani was awarded a penalty, which Kapetanopoulos took and made. All in all it turned out well, though it is reported that the Average Annual Fingernail Length Index is the lowest in recorded history. This is under scientific investigation. The Nedalian team was treated in a thoroughly civil manner by the Schorteskatascansolanian Committee of Hospitality (SCH - yes, the government likes to do things like that). However, we still won. Though the qualifiers have begun well, we can't bet on anything yet, as we still have several tough areas to go through. This is Master Guillaume, and we're now going to talk about the Croquet Interregionals still going on in Split....

The following article will appear in the next issue of Kick! magazine, to be released on Friday.

Player Profile
We meet up with one of the rising stars of Quintessential football, and ask him the twenty questions our readers most wanted to know. Speaking to Peter Rogers was Alex Nardeny.

Peter, great to meet you. Obviously, you must be excited with your team's - and your own - success so far. Thanks for agreeing to this interview.
My pleasure.

1. What is your earliest sporting memory?
Not really sure what would count as a 'sporting memory'...I guess it would be playing tag rugby in the street with the local kids. I always liked rugby more than football growing up - had got through an entire season ticket at my nearest club before I'd even seen a football match - but once I got to high school, I met a good coach who told me to concentrate on my football.

2. Who are your footballing idols?
I don't really have any. May sound like hubris, but if you try to base your career on what someone else has done, you're only ever going to play cheap imitations. The people I mostly look up to are those who've done inspiring things in other walks of life - politics, music, literature. On the football field, I have to concentrate on my own game.

3. Would you like to play professionally?
I'd like to experience professional football, sure. I think it'd be good to get involved to that extent, to play at a higher and more demanding level, and so on. But I don't see myself making a career out of football: I can't believe I'd get much out of more than two or three professional seasons. After that, I'd like to keep playing, but strictly for fun: business is where I'm headed, hopefully.

4. What is training like?
There's two separate parts there. Team training tends to start off physical, then lead up to increasingly game-based practice, with tactics in the evenings. My own personal training tends to be exclusively in the gym. When I was young I used to take penalties at chalk outlines on the wall; can't say I really do anything like that anymore.

5. What is like representing your country?
It's great. It's the most fantastic feeling to walk out, here everyone cheering you on, and put your hand on the badge as you sing the national anthem. I'm not really very nationalist, maybe, and so I wondered if it would be a bit anti-climatic, but I can assure you, it's the s***.

6. What is the squad like?
It's good: a good bunch of players. I've been training with them a few years now, know a lot of them pretty well. Obviously, Charlie, Den and I go way back, but we're all pretty friendly. Some of the older players have some great advice to give, and we all have fun together.

7. The World Cup: realistic predictions?
I'm not sure I could say. It's a hard group, we'll have to fight to keep our heads above the water...anything else, not sure. I honestly feel it'll be more important for us to get as much experience as possible, play every game with our eyes open, than to obsess over winning. If we lose 1-0 and really develop our game, I'd call it a victory.

8. That makes little sense
Yeah, well, I'm a footballer. If you want clever, try the philosophy department.

9. Do you have any particular goals for yourself?
If you mean 'score 100 goals' or whatever, no. I aim to play well, every match, for as long as possible. But I guess I'm quite short-sighted: I only really think about the next game ahead. Anything more is starting to get into distracting guesswork.

10. What is your footballing philosophy?
Again, I don't have one. Anything like that I think I'd find too constricting. Part of my role in the team is that I'm right at the centre, so I have to react to the shape of the game. I guess that's a kind of philosophy: I'm tempted to say 'be prepared', but that'd be intolerably asinine.

11. Do you have any advice for burgeoning Quodite footballers?
Concentration and determination. If you stick at it, you'll either get it right or die trying. No one, no matter how talented they are, gets anywhere without applying themselves. Which isn't maybe very romantic, so also make some time for fun outside football.

12. Who do you think is the best player in the squad?
Me. No, seriously, I don't think I can answer that. I respect all the players a lot: and someone like Dino has a very different job than Roger. If they swapped, they'd be rubbish; in position, they're great

13. Moving away from football...what do you do off the pitch?
I play quite a few other sports, and I try to keep fit. I follow sports too, particularly rugby and auto racing. I'm still at college, obviously, so that takes up a lot of the rest of the time. And I'm involved in a couple of small businesses. Then there's music - I play guitar. I don't read much, but I do like a good film. Other than that...well, that's already pretty busy.

14. What are your views on politics?
Uh...I'm not sure I have any. I'm quite apathetic. I guess I'd call myself libertarian: stay away from me, and I'll do the same. That's how I think things should work.

15. If you could visit any country in the world, which would it be?
Tricky. The one thing I really regret is that I haven't travelled much: I'd like to, though. I think I'd want to go somewhere hot. I'd also like to see some cultures totally different to ours, so in a sense, the country I'd most like to go has to be one I'm completely oblivious to. Failing all that, I hear you can get a good cheeseburger in Yelda.

16. Last season didn't go well for you: any particular reason for that?
I had one of those runs where I picked up an injury on an injury on an injury. I wasn't giving myself long enough to get fit. Because of that, I lost confidence, and then I started getting bad press, which in turn lowered my confidence...it was all one big vicious circle. If I'd given the initial knock time to heal properly, I think things would have gone a lot smoother.

17. What about other teams at the World Cup: any predictions?
At this stage, it's much too early to say. And anyway, I'm really not familiar enough with the teams. My guess would be that Krytenia - who are in our group - won't win, because I doubt it often works out as neatly as world number one = World Cup number one. But we'll see.

18. Will you stay on and watch the later rounds?
Thanks for the confidence that we won't still be playing. But no, I won't; I'll try to catch some of it on TV.

19. What does this mean for the next World Cup?
Definitely that we'll try to qualify for it; hopefully that we'll gain enough experience to put in an even better performance, and start working our way into recognition.

20. You possibly saw this one coming...what is it like playing with your ex?
Yeah, just possibly. No, it's fine. Jess and I get on fine, we're good mates now. And as I've said, it's the game that matters. I really wouldn't take anything like that into consideration when playing. Actually, I think that's good, about football: in a lot of situations, it obviously would be awkward, but where there's a team ethic, it's a lot less important.

David walked into the office, carrying a pet carrier and followed by a very confident looking coach, which naturally made everyone suspicious.

"What the hell are you grinning about?" Maria muttered, staring forlornly at an empty coffee can.

"We just found the future of our team."

"If there's no coffee, I'm not interested."

"Just look." David said, opening the pet carrier and sliding the contents out onto the table.

"... that's a penguin."

The penguin looked around, slightly confused.

"It is a penguin." David added. "Behold Flippy, the first penguin native-born in the Arcadia zoo and proud resident of Casari."

"... dear god, it's too early for me to have to listen to the crackpot details of this plan." Maria said, trying to pump quarters into the soda machine.

"There's no plan. This penguin is the newest member of the team."

"At what position?"

"All of them."

"... I told you, caffeine first, crackpot plans later."

"This isn't a crackpot plan."

"You're telling me that you're going to field a lone penguin. How on earth can I take that seriously?"

"Because you haven't seen it play. We even had a team shirt tailored to fit." David said.

"Dear god, I'm going to regret this."

------

"Holy crap." Maria said while standing on the edge of the field, watching the regular national team players leaning over and panting, the penguin standing opposite of them, cleaning itself.

"I know." David said knowingly.

"That penguin-"

"I know."

"This is the best idea ever."

"I know."

"If this doesn't work, you're going to be hung from the stop light out front."

"... I know."

----------

From this point forward until further notice, the only member of the Casaran National Team will be a two year old emperor penguin named Flippy, who will be wearing number 83, and miscellaneous others of no consequence to fill out the roster. All Casaran goals henceforth should be credited to the penguin, and if possible, he should also get credit for his own assists, take all spot kicks, and get credit for all saves as well. Thank you.

Commonwealth News Studio

"...Coming up on the Nation Today, from the Commonwealth News Service, we find out what the Great Leader's engagement means to the people of the Commonwealth, and fasion guru Laura Trehane looks at wedding fasions, but first we have the sport and go live to the Commonwealth Stadium where Fort Europe are about to take on Druida in their sixth World Cup qualification match."

The Commonwealth Stadium

"Yes Tony, this is Aby Watcher reporting live from inside one of the stadium's VIP boxes where we can see the players warming up out there on the pitch. With me once again are Daniel and Rachael Lakissa who you will remember we spoke to in a cafe in Cookesland just last week. Daniel, last week the team scored six against Cookesland who have done marvellously so far in this tournement, how do you think they'll do at home against what many are calling a soft and lazy Druida team?"

"I think it will be a tough match, Druida have their own unique style of play which the lads down there will have to adapt to playing against. Druida aren't your run of the mill team, but then neither are their people. I mean a nation who give their citizens numbers based on birth and rank instead of names are definatly one of the more bizare nations represented in this tournament."

"So what do you think the score will be today?"

"Well Rachael's going with a solid four - nil win, but I would be more inclined to go with a realistic three - one win as West has only kept one clean sheet so far and isn't looking quite such a solid brick wall between the sticks as he has done in the past."

"Thank you Daniel, I'll be back after the match with our reaction to this match, but for now it's back to Tony in the studio."

Commonwealth News Studio

"Also in today's football news, Mirage FC who were relegated from the Commonwealth Premier League last season have appointed former international striker Joshua Nohoper as manager. We bring you a round up of all the Premier League teams ahead of the new season and we have news just in that a tallent scout in Casaria has just uncovered the next big footballing superstar, apparently his name is Flippy and he's a two year old penguin..."

"Hello, and welcome to the FFLC Manager Announcement press conference here in London. My name is Gareth Newton, and I'm with Alliance SportSeven. This conference is one of the biggest news happenings in the Lowland Clans after the Galaxy traveled to neighbours Druida and promptly handed them their behinds on a silver platter with a five-nil victory. This was the Galaxy's first victory of the World Cup Qualifying campaign, and a much needed one at that. After surrendering two embarrassing losses to Fort Europe and Demot, drew with Harlesburg and lost again to Schiavonia, essentially ending any hope of a group win. Assistant Manager Alex Mengies was promptly fired, and his replacement and the new manager will be announced in a few moments. Rumors have it that two international managers, Andrew Creek of Bazalonia and Harry Hughes of Quakmybush. For assistant manager, most pundits have given the proverbial job to former midfielder Iska Djukashenki. Now, here comes Director of the FFLC Daniel Davies."

"Hello ladies and gentlemen of the press, supporters watching at home, and all those coming in from overseas. These have been trying times here at the FFLC, and our goal is still to duplicate our sucess of the last two cups and continue to drive towards winning our first ever World Cup. Our goal has been interrupted by some disastrous play and managerial choices, which we here at the FFLC take our fair share of the blame for. Now though, we are seeking to make amends for those mistakes. It is to this end that we have made a decision on the new manager, and assistant manager. Allow me to introduce you to the new manager, Andrew "The Bandit" Creek of Bazalonia and the new assistant manager, Gavin Doliaque, formerly director of football operations for the FFLC."

*Creek and Doliaque enter and sit down on each side of Davies, round of applause from the audience*

Andrew Creek cleared his throat and began a small prepared speech. "Thank you all for your kind gestures of support. It is with great pride that I accept this position, that you would be willing to entrust the management of one of the most storied teams in the footballing world. I can promise you that I will use every bit of my international experience with Bazalonia and my managerial experience to ensure that Clan football is at the highest possible level, and that starts with finishing second or even winning the group, which I will endeavor to do. I do not have time to take questions, but I will, together with Gavin here, begin to take a systematic looksy at all of the foundations of this system to see where we can improve it, whether the training methods or grounds or even the players themselves. It will take a little time, and we ask for patience as we begin this momentous task. I'd like to thank both Alex Mengies and Casey Dellet for giving me this opportunity by providing such a top notch team. Thank you." The reporters began to applaud and try to ask questions.

Davies interrupted, clearing his throat. "Before we begin questions, I'd like to make one more announcement that Iska Djukashenki will be taking the place of Gavin Doliaque as director of football operations at the FFLC. He is already on the job, and is currently looking at calling up all of the international quality players from the nation for an international training camp. Andrew will have more to say about that in a moment, but for now I'll think I'll let you ask questions."

"Mr. Creek, Mr. Creek!"

....

cutoff was before tlc's rp, however he sent it to me before scorination while waiting for jolt to come back

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS-0 QAZOX-3

A third of the way through qualifiers and Qazox is still unbeaten? True, after a 3-0 win over rivals Assegai Developments and a QoD loss. Now the Black Oxen find themselves in 2nd place.

Jonathon Sarafin continues to get better, as he scored to open the match in the 24th minute, with Regina Reginald adding 2 goals in the 39th and 80th to make it 3-0. After a few early rough games, Greg Wolfen has now posted back-to-back Shutouts, the 1st by a Qazoxian Keep since the late Reggie Hassok.

Up next is a trip to #1 Krytenia. The best in the world, and currently 1st in the group, the Black Oxen's unbeaten streak probably will come to an end, but the Aces have struggled to win most of their matches, so an upset is possible. However, the Aces are great at home, so the unbeaten streak will come to an end 1-3.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Sarafin (8)- 24', Reginald (2,3)- 39', 80'

CARDS: Assegai Developments: None
Qazox: None

Good evening, everybody, this is Master Guillaume from Teleray 23. You might have heard me earlier this evening with my live broadcast of our 0-0 draw with Kericia. In that case you can switch the channel to 12 for an extralicious cocoanut cream pie recipe, or to 2 for the news, or to 4 for the Slavonic Rhapsody #2 by Dvorak. Alternatively, you could stop watching the idiot box and take up jogging. For those of you who weren't in Kericia or who didn't hear me live, this is the recap of the game.

It was a hard fought match, playing away. Gilmore scored a goal, but it was called back due to offside. There were very many chances on both sides, but goalkeeping was spectacular for all; Bower saved very many well placed shots. He is showing himself to be a goalkeeper of excellent class. (Meaning we have not been defeated 7-0 yet under his watch. Of course there was that rather pitiful performance against Northern Bettia, but that is slowly being erased from the histo - what I mean to be saying is, we have never suffered any great defeats. None.)

We did unfortunately suffer the injury of Nathan Torpey who tried to tackle somebody a little hard and got injured for it. Alfie Tullie will be taking his place on the lineup.

And for the totally weird and oddballish, a faraway country full of quarreling people about which we know nothing has decided to replace its entire squad with a penguin. We will be following this outrageous story, including finding the name of the country which some lousy now-fired intern has misplaced, and get back to you about more of the details.

It appears that lousy intern also misplaced my sheet of notes detailing who we were going to play next and their relative strengths and weaknesses against us, so I'll just pull out my saxaphone here and fill up time till the next segment...

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY BAFFLED BY FIRE ANTS
"Why Do They Writhe on the Ground So?" Asks Coach

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


The Archregimancy national football squad returned to their monasteries in time for the beginning of Great Lent this morning, but only after a perplexing 3-1 away victory against the Fire Ants of Northern Bettia.

The squad were said to be initially bemused at the complete inability of the opposition to stay on their feet whenever an Archregimancy player came within fifty centimetres of a Fire Ant. More worringly, it seemed the entire Fire Ant squad was suffering from what appeared to be a rare form of epilepsy, which caused them to writhe on the ground in apparent agony almost as soon as they fell over. The visitors, concerned for the physical and spiritual well-being of their opponents, soon took to drenching the Northern Bettian players with large quantities of Holy Water whenever they fell over - an activity which a suprisingly supportive referee seemed to actively encourage. This seemed to do the trick, as within 20 minutes of the kick-off every Northern Bettian who had been given the Holy Water treatment seemed to go out of their way to ensure they stayed upright. Indeed, they seemed to spend the rest of the match inexplicably trying to avoid tackling any of the Archregimancy squad. The home team also expressed a heartwarming desire to not see the visiting bench waste their precious resources of Holy Water, with home coach Oban later seen to be begging visiting coach Fr. David the Water Drinker not to exhaust the supplies on his Fire Ants.

After this curious initial 20 minutes - proof indeed that even heretics and heathens are not immune to the blessed properties of Holy Water - a football match broke out, and inspired by the imminent arrival of Great Lent, the visitors soon overwhelmed their less-experienced opposition. Three first half goals from Br. Barsanuphius, Br. John and Fr. Silouan effectively ended the match, though a late second half consolation from Devanallt allowed the home side to salvage some pride.

There was also a most curious pre-match incident where home coach Oban personally delivered 8 pepperoni pizzas to the visitors' dressing room. Upon being informed that the monks had already begun their Lenten fast, Oban is recorded to have said "ohhhhhh, what a shame. I had no idea. I'll just these here, though, shall I..... just in case you're tempted.... or distracted.... or maybe both." The pizzas were later donated to a local orphanage - intact and untouched.

Wayne: I'm Wayne Wastle and well, you should know this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. This girl here dressed as a Bettian player is Dazza Dallas, not a Bettian number 13.
Dazza: Just doing the right thing by our friends Bettia. You have to support your friends.


Wayne: Man, the poor Lions - something is wrong. Jeruselem and Bettia are doing well, but Nedalia are falling into a hole of their own digging.
Dazza: SO SAD. Nedalia crashed and burned - losing FOUR NIL to the good and impressive Ropa-Topia. Oh dear, what can we do? It's only 6 games and they've lost 4 of them.

Wayne: Let's hope for last surge from the Lions but it maybe too late now.
Dazza: Let's pray for the Lions, all we can do save putting the Jeruselem to play for the Lions which isn't legal anyway.

Wayne: Cheer up Nedalia! Bettia won and beat New Propagandia to take 3rd spot! TWO NIL to Bettia and yes, they are back. Looking to claw back some form.
Dazza: Never dismiss Bettia - they make finals and sometimes even make into the big ones.

Wayne: Bostopia are good team but Jeruselem showed them why we haven't lost yet.
Dazza: A close game with Jeruselem scoring a close ONE NIL win. Bostopia be proud of the game as you did well!

Wayne: Bostopia really pushed the team but team Jeruselem are not just 3rd ranked for nothing. No longer the useless team which loses 2nd round games.
Dazza: Stand tall Bostopia. Cute little Dinkie scored the winner after doing the Dazza trick job passing the entire Bostopia defense who don't expect one player to take everyone on. She's a good player! Young and maybe, the new Dazza.

Wayne: She is a fan of yours. She studies all your football moves and tried to copy them.
Dazza: See, I'm a good influence on her.

Wayne: Elves Security Forces are making life for the Northern Caesarean team hard and harder. They beat the team from Northern Caesarea THREE ONE and well, did themselve a real favour. They are not in top 3 as Jeruselem lead and Bettia are 3rd.
Dazza: Yes, good team the Elves. Can't say they are bad because they can beat good teams in the day.

Wayne: Northern Caesarea need wins as well, lots of teams are really piling on wins.
Dazza: Losing is not an option for winners.

Wayne: Marceau State drew with Lovisa 1 ALL. Good for Lovisa but not the Frenchies. Lovisa are off the marl but the Marceau State need wins. If you don't beat Lovisa, something is wrong.
Dazza: And lots of much better performing teams ahead of them.

Wayne: Kelssek retained 2nd spot but Collonie shook them up. They had to fight to beat Collonie FOUR THREE. Quite a great game but defensively, a concern for Kelssek really.
Dazza: Look at the best teams, they don't concede excessive goals.

Wayne: Don't miss next game. We play Kelssek. It's going be good!
Dazza: Yes, both teams scoring goals. Kelssek have conceded 12 goals - 2 per game. Can Jeruselem stop this team and will Kelssek find out what a defense is all about. Who knows? Dinkie is nearby - grab her Wayne!

Dinkie: Hi, am I on TV?
Dazza: Yes you are Dinkie. You won the game for the team.
Wayne: You looked like Dazza in full flight

Dinkie: Oh it's nothing. I had to take them all on.
Dazza: Fearless indeed
Wayne: I think this girl is next Dazza. I'm saying that seriously.

Dazza: Well, she is very talented. Just give her more games I say.
Dinkie: Thanks for the support, Dazza. Putting a good word in for me!

Dazza: Even my sister thinks Dinkie has a future. She's not Tunk or Kate but someone who can make difference like today.
Wayne: Clubs, look at Dinkie. Think about her future.

Dinkie: I want show everyone my tattoo, please. It's not rude or in rude spot.
Dazza: Doesn't bother me.

<Shows tattoo near belly button with the words Dinkie Doll and an image of Dazza>
Dazza: Cute Dinkie.
Wayne: Dinkie is nice name too. Oh - SPORTS SUNDAY. I'm not there but my friend hosting the show is doing a special Dazza show. All Dazza's special moments in football including her streaking at the Women's World Cup final. We've been compiling this stuff.

Dazza: So sweet Wayne! That's it from us. We take on the team from Kelssek! It's a game not to miss. Sweet dreams!

Group 1:
Bostopia [0] Jeruselem [1]
Northern Caesarea [1] Elves Security Forces [3]
New Propagandia [0] Bettia [2]
Lovisa [1] Marceau State [1]
Kelssek [4] Collonie [3]

Group 9:
Nedalia [0] Ropa-Topia [4]

It's a great day in The Great Monty Python, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the temperature is just right and then we had to Spoil it all with a Soccer match. However before the game went underway some rather preculiar happenings went on.

A band K-nig-ehts from the land of Camelot arrived in The Great Monty Python. They're lead by by "Arthur, King of the Britons" He arrived at the stadium and announced. "I am Arthur, King of the Britons. I am on a quest to seek the Holy Grail."

"Sorry, but if you want the Cup you are going to have to enter a team just like everyone else." A random Bazalonian fan stated.

"But, but we have faced the nights who said until jus recently said Ni!, the Beastly Bunny Rabbit with nasty fangs like. " *Does a humgunous Fang gesture* "and could leap like THAT" *Wide arm gesture* and took down 5.." "3" interjected someone in the party "Yes, 3 of our top men died at the Cave of Caer Bannog. And then finally the Black Beast of Aarrrggghhhhh. Now if you be so kind as to direct us to the Bridge of Death. That would be great..."

"Well, I dunno about a bridge but I'm sure there's a morturary around here somewhere. Though I'm from Bazalonia and I don't know where you might find one in these parts."

"So this is not the way to Castle Aarrgghh? No bridge of Death where one would have to say answer three questions correctly or be cast into the gorge of eternal peril? No bridge like that around? Ye, no yes, no, yes, no?"

"Just make up three questions and be done with it and let these loonies go onto to whatever they do."

"Okay, you sir. What is your name?"

"Sir Lancelot of Camelot"

"What are you upto?"

"I seek the Holy Grail."

"What's your date of Birth?"

"The 24th of Auguest, 909 Anno Domini"

"Okay, You may pass." *Jots down details for perhaps usage later down the track*

This went on... and all the questions where answered. After the soccer game in which the Bazalonians won.

"The Castle of Argh is In Bazalonia, which is a really strange name for a region of England. We shall go to Bazalonia and find what God has directed us too."

OOC: The Archreg... I have sent you a TG and would like a reasonably quick response via TG.

At the HQ of Le Manchot Béton (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Le_Manchot_B%C3%A9ton) in Ropadam, Uhuh-Ropa.

"A football-playing penguin? That's bloody brilliant!" the CEO of Le Manchot said. "Why didn't anyone here think of that first? We should be sponsoring the Casaran team instead of the Ropa-Topian one! All they do is lose anyway."

"Sir, the Ropa-Topian won their last three matches," his assistant said.

"They lost all the others," the CEO said.

"No, sir. Two draws, against Kericia and Altanar," the assistant said. "They only lost from Coocoostan, and that was with just a one goal difference."

"Oh. I'm sure their wins were like that too though."

The assistant shook his head. "Not at all. Atheistic Right: two nil; yesterday in Nedalia: four to nil, and last month, a home match on the Isle of Uhm against Turori, SIX to one."

"Alright, alright, we'll keep sponsoring our own national team for now then... but this Casaran penguin really would be a great way to boost our image, especially after that giant penguin incident four years ago. We really should have handled that better. Everyone in Uhuh-Ropa and Uhuh-Topia was talking about *that* penguin instead of us."

"Yes sir."

"Maybe we could kidnap that Casaran penguin?"

"No sir, I don't think that would be wise."

"Why not?"

"The people in Casari wouldn't like that," the assistant said.

"Then we really must find a way to make people talk about our penguin a lot more than their silly penguin... Send a ship to the Wafel Sea and catch one of those giant penguins. If we tame one..."

"Sir, I don't think that would be wise eith-"

"Nonsense," the CEO said with a dismissive gesture. "This can't possibly go wrong."

To Be Continued...

See also:
* The Giant Penguin incident during the WC32 qualifications (http://ropa-topia.blogspot.com/2007/01/giant-penguin-causes-chaos-during-wc.html)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-3 Cafundéu http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png

Winning streak shattered

“Well, that was disappointing.” Ahmed placed his empty bottle in the recycling bin as he left Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium with his friends. Walking past them, a group of Cafundéu supporters, wearing their team’s colours, looked remarkably more cheerful than the Ariddians.

Cynthia shook her head.
“I can’t believe Xu conceded three goals. He never does that!”

“Yeah. ‘Double X’ wasn’t at his best,” Jacques agreed, and sighed. “Then again, neither was defence. Mataitai, Sho. . . They made mistakes.”

“If Cohen hadn’t stopped the ball near the end, we’d actually have lost.”

“They bring this one game to our little city, and it has to end in a draw.” Ahmed smiled all the same. “Ah, well. Where to now? If you’re hungry, there’s a Santé! ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sant%C3%A9%21) nearby.”

“Sounds good.” Jacques nodded, and carefully folded up his Ariddian flag.

“What do you say we find some Cafundéu fans to come with us?” Cynthia suggested brightly. “They’re in a foreign country. A lot of them probably aren’t sure where to go, except back to their hotel. Let’s show them a bit of Ariddian hospitality. Invite them to Santé!.”

“Yes, but. . . no hablo Portugues,” Ahmed pointed out.

“We’ll find some way to communicate.” Cynthia smiled. “What say you?”

“OK then.” Ahmed looked around, then waved at three obvious Cafundéu supporters walking by. “Hey, you! Buenos tardes!”

Cynthia giggled.
“Don’t be silly. Come on; let’s go and say hello.”

It was an outrage. A disgrace. The biggest shame Hannah Angstrom had seen since the brilliant Tercer was stuck with those idiots in stripes.

The once-proud nation of Tanah Burung did not, by any standards, exist. Ariddians missed them. But it was part of the NationStates way: nations emerged and faded. She could have grieved with her Ariddian companions: well, maybe not the ones who called her "Hanifah" for no reason (where did they get that extra syllable?). She sternly told them the correct pronunciations, and their "yuk-yuk"s or "ha-ha"s dissolved into "kyaw-kyaw"s, and that only aggravated, well, whatever it was.

But one building in the dead country loomed. A football stadium, of all places, and a ghostly team haunted it. The only thing those poor people preserved was an...athletic complex?

And who was dominating it but those stripey morons? A man of...bulk passed to the wiry scorer she had seen, when the latter was not passing to him. One of those occasions resulted in the first goal conceded by Tanah Burung, just before the half. The third forward added two more in the second.

Then genius flashed. Racing on to the embassy website, she set up a simple HTML code. Contribute to the rebuilding of Tanah Burung: click here (http://gov.zz/embassy/ari/tbfund.html) to donate your checks.

The Ariddian teasers would mock her, of course...for some reason, they had the delusion that checks didn't go anywhere in the international economy. Well, they had a moneyless society, what did they know?

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”
<static>

“That’s right listeners its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth tellin’ it like it is once again. Just to get it out of the way tune into WSOC if you really want to hear in agonizingly boring detail about Jakes scoring the lone goal in a win against some frenchies. I mean really, I know our team is bad and all but really, i’m just shocked that they only surrendered one goal. Oops did I say surrender. Ha!

“Now lets get to my economic platform.”

<more static. Garbled voices before the signal clears>

“Yes indeed Milt, this was a great win for Tynelia, beating one of the top ten teams in the world at home. A huge boost for our qualification chances.”

“You know it Phil, a four point edge but a couple of tough ones coming up, on the road to Rorysville, home against a surprising East Lithuania before going on the road against the Bazalopes.”

“Hopefully today’s shutout will be a confidence boost to Gordman today, he has been very shaky early on…”

<more static and garbled voices before the signal clears again>

“… lower taxation for the poor people is so obvious its not even funny. If they can’t pay their rent how can they pay extra money? Let the guys making millions give back to the country that let them get so damned rich in the first place. Hell those overpayed soccer players would make a nice addition to the country’s funds. Let the poor pay less in taxes and they will be a fine boost to the economy as they have more to spend…”

<very bad static, for nearly a minute before voices can be understood>

“… showing these next matches, two of which will be on here at WSOC radio as the home blackout will be in effect for the East Lithuania match being shown on television, with the top two pulling so far ahead it is a good time to make a move on our closest competitors.

“Right Milt, the offense has been pretty good, not WC32 good but good enough that had Gordman played better we could have a significant edge on the teams behind us.”

“The Great Monty Python upset loss could come back to haunt us before things end though Phil.”

“Yes but…”

<more static, and the sounds of multiple voices talking over each other goes on for several minutes before it settles again>

“ Wow that was a big thunderclap there listeners, this is a pretty bad storm we’re having out there. I hope its not interfering with our broadcast. But enough about how under my leadership we can create a juggernaut of an economy, let’s head to the phones. Hello caller this is the Voice of Truth and you’re on the air!”

“Hey there Matt, do you really think sending extra funds to the army and air force is the best idea. I think our navy is a stringer front line of defense than the others.”

“Well caller its my belief…”

<static again>

“So with New Montreal States stumbling badly so far out of the gate you think this is our best chance ever to qualify Milt?”

“Yes Phil, this goes back a few cups to Praying2god’s horrible cup run, the spot was there for us to take but unfortunately we ran into Quakmybush’s shocking run as an unranked team to the Cup proper. Failing to take them out head to head cost us that year.”

“But what about…”

<more static before the signal finally is lost>

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/le-etoile-banner.gif

Kelssek survives scare as regulars rested for Jeruselem match
de Jenken: We need a consistent effort at both ends

Kelssek suffered a serious scare at the Stade Olympique but managed to claw their way out of it as manager Mathieu de Jenken rested several key players ahead of the crucial tie away to group leaders Jeruselem.

It was a skitterish performance which probably moved the coaching staff one step closer to gastric problems at the same time it thrilled the crowd of 61,447 at the Big O, another full stadium as interest in the national football team - who still have an unbeaten record, by the way - grows.

With Vincent Arsenault, Ian Colwyn, Dennis Hartraft and Henri Cournoyer sitting out, the alarm bells went off for Kelssek as Collonie got the first goal. Then things got very scrambly. Jolted by falling behind, Kelssek went on the attack with desperation, leaving manager Mathieu de Jenken shaking his head several times as they practically abandoned tactics and structure. But the pressure paid off in the 23rd minute as Tony Archer sent a wave of relief through the crowd, putting a bulge in the net after a goalmouth scramble.

Then the danger seemed to be over as Kenneth Regehr dribbled through a hole in the defence just five minutes later for the lead. But it didn't last long as a lone Collonie striker ran through on goal and beat Petr Zherdek one-on-one while Kelssek's players waved their arms in protest that it was offside.

And then Collonie took the lead again in the 52nd minute, stunning the crowd into silence. de Jenken, furiously chewing his gum, threw his stars on and they immediately got to work. Henri Cournoyer probably saved the game with a sublime strike from an acute angle on 72 minutes, energising the crowd who willed the team on as they applied the pressure for the winning goal.

It came off a corner in the 84th minute. Kyle Anderson went wide to Sean Birtles on the edge of the box, who fired in a shot which took a deflection off a Collonie defender and landed at the feet of Ian Sinclair, who made up for a lacklustre game by keeping his composure and slamming it hard and low into the net with the goalie stranded.

It wasn't the best way to go into a big away match against a stronger team, but at least they came away with the three points. Manager Mathieu de Jenken, looking understandably emotionally exhausted at the post-game press conference, cited the need for a consistent effort at both ends.

"We need both attack and defence to work well if we want to have a chance of taking on strong opposition, like we face in the next match."

No matter what, Jeruselem will be a stern test for Kelssek. After six games, the runners-up of the last World Cup haven't even dropped a point.

"What really matters isn't getting points, it's a good performance. If we hold our own and come out with our heads held high, that's the result we need keep our confidence throughout the competition." said de Jenken.

Lineup: Zherdek, Gobrynin, Hanson, St. Louis, Symonds, Birtles, Regehr (Hartraft 57), Anderson, Archer (Arsenault 57), Sinclair, Crawford (Cournoyer 57).

Kelssek goals: Archer 23', Regehr 28', Cournoyer 72', Sinclair 84'.

------

The telephone was riveted to Mathieu's ear, the voice dripping with menace. "Are you listening, Mathieu? You will not beat Jeruselem. You will not win, you will not draw, you will not give any surprises. If you do I will be very angry. And you will regret the day you crossed Bob the Bookie, hotshot football manager."

"Uh..."

"Don't talk. Just listen. I'm sure you would not like anything to happen to your dear little daughter. I'm sure she's very dear to you, and I'm sure you want to see her safe as she takes the subway to Dundas West for karate lessons Tuesdays and Fridays after school. I'm sure your family's proud of-"

"You've got the wrong number."

"your brother who- what?!"

"I'm Mathieu Devereaux, senior agent for Kestrel Insurance. You want the football team guy. That's not me."

"Oh."

"But it sounds like you are in a high-risk business. We have a plan that can provide comprehensive cover for loss due to fire, theft, natural disasters, you name it. Can I interest you in a policy that will ensure your business is prepared to survive the unforeseen?"

Bob the Bookie thought about this for a moment. "Will it pay out if a disgruntled ex-employee goes to work for a rival and then breaks into my office and steals a week's takings and my betting records?"

"Certainly, sir."

"Okay. Go on."

[Garrett] Next up on the Factor, we’ll be looking at the furore over the theft of the Bostopian team’s “Mono-kit” that was used in Bettia.

As you know, the kit was stolen from the kit room at Bostopia Stadium, and, somehow, despite all the surveillance, the police have NO leads whatsoever. Of course, the blame can be pointed at one group. The Movement for Laquari Independence. This group of terrorists have been planning and plotting for years, and all they can come up with is this? Of course, the Army has already started the crackdown, and we can speak to General Broagner, General, thanks for being with us.

Adam Collick, in the bowels of the Bostopia Stadium, switches the TV off.

[Collick] Humph, thank feck for the Bostopian media…our 5 games without a loss crashes to a one – nil defeat, and all they talk about is a theft.

Dan Marne, the assistant manager of Bostopia butts in.

[Marne] Way to take the emphasis off a one - nil defeat by a team ranked 3rd in the world.

[Collick] You’re right, we should really be celebrating the fact it was only one. However, I seriously think we need to work on the defense, you saw the way that Dinkie girl skipped through the defense.

[Marne] No, we should work on less eyeing up more marking up tactics.

[Collick] Haha that’s true. We should be able to claw some points back though in the next two games, Collonie away and then Kelssek here. It’s a crucial run now, ESF play Bettia when we play Collonie, then Jeruselem play Northern Caesarea when we play Kelssek. ESF versus Bettia though, that’s the crunch.

[Marne] We want a draw don’t we?

[Collick] You know it…if they draw, and we beat Collonie, then we can find ourselves back in 3rd spot, or second if Kelssek get well and truly thumped. Although, if Bettia AND ourselves win, we could be in third anyway. And if ESF win and we lose, then we could drop to 5th.

[Marne] Should we start being more realistic boss?

[Collick] The playoff places?

[Marne] Yep. Top 6 go through, and we’re in fourth in the playoff qualification places right now, but it’d be way too easy to slip.

[Collick]Never a truer word said...Hopefully, these next two games will push us away from that chasing pack, and pull us closer to first.

[Marne] Let’s hope so boss, but football’s a funny old game.

[Collick] You mean Bostopia winning three games on the trot and having a 5 game unbeaten run then to lose by only one goal to Jeruselem? Don’t you just know it!

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.26

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Utterly Butterly, Lieutenant Pigeon, Mr E Jeffries, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were considered. NH stated that he wanted the minutes to record what he stated in the last meeting, to wit Wentland was stomping all over "Johnny Foreigner" like Godzilla on ants. His Grace asked who Mr Foreigner was and for whom he played. NH said it was symbolic. His Lordship asked who this Sim Bolic was and whether he was Serbian. No-one knew what Serbian meant and His Lordship put it down to one of his heads. Lt Pigeon commented that Godzilla would not be very good on stamping on insects. NH said Godzilla was 15 storeys high and could stomp on insects whenever he wanted. Lt Pigeon said that was the point, from that far up a giga-lizard would not be able to see an ant and therefore any stomping would be entirely co-incidental. NH said that that was the point, Wentland was indiscriminately stomping without regard for safety or consideration. EJ said that that was still irrelevant, as Godzilla presumably had massive feet and therefore massive toe-prints, in the valleys of which an ant could presumably seek refuge and avoid stompage. NH said that EJ was talking symbolics and IT WAS RESOLVED without a vote that the minutes remain unchanged, on the basis that it was negatively irresolved as Miss Widmore expressed concern that her Empire Typograph would probably not cope with such ill-considered wording. Note to self - cut that last bit out before circulating

The Financial Officer reported that there was a profit of seven shillings from the previous activities. This was apparently a refund from a mistake by the General Televoicegraph Company on the basis of a misplaced lead in the operational system and one of the calls from the Grand Behemoth was not to be charged at such a level.

CJ reported from his trail. NH asked whether he meant "trial" and CJ apologized. The whole thing collapsed in a welter of confusion when the clappers were mysteriously returned by an anonymous benefactor. The vicar immediately replaced the clappers but on first ring they descended with force and laid him out. Consequently the Borrowbrook FA is satisfied that it can continue in bell-less calm for the foreseeable future. NH said he would note these happenings in his dairy.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland defeated Oliverry by two goals to nil away from home. Wentland's lead was two points ahead of Spruitland who had defeated Turruth Gordur and three ahead of Casari who had defeated Haraki. NH said that this vindicated his socialist approach to football and that he should be given extra resources for following matches. The Chairman went into a fit at the use of the word "socialist" and expostulated that he thought they had all been shot. NH said he did not mean "socialist" but "bocialist" which was something from The Great Monty Python and referred to the confusion he sowed. The Shade proposed a big hug and IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that there be a big hug.

There being no other business the meeting was declared closed.

"Damn that was a long time"

"I know, the flight got canceled the boat almost sank and we had to be on a deserted island for two days-"

"Then-"

"Hey I was speaking"

"But I want to tell the adventure"

"Fine"

"Then a plane spotted us and we were rescued but we had to go all the way back to Milchama. Finally, we got a plane to Cookesland to meet this Milchama Banks"

"You know with all that what happened to the Warriors?"

"Let me check"

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Summary Edition

Sports Section

Milchama doing well

Despite the crazy antics of Casaran Coach Damian Hill, including whacking an opposing player over the head with a hammer, whipping team members who do poorly, and saying sadistic things he has led the Warriors beautifully. Right now Milchama is in first place in their group with 6 wins and 1 draw.

The first game against The Great Monty Python...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh I don't care about the summaries of each game just give me the final scores"

Final Score:
Milchama 5

"No not scores we know, scores we don't know"

"From when then?"

"After Croisland"

"Ok"

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Belmowitz 3, 18, 21, Joseph 67)
Magnus Valerius 2 (Greek 5, 27)

"Oooh nice result"

"I don't know the defense in the first half seemed shaky"

"Whatever 4 goals can make up for that"

"True"

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Floren 34, 44, Faren 62, Copperlee 80)
New Montreal States 0 (Dude they used to be good)

"Wow! 4 goals from legends and we beat New Montreal States"

"What was the starting lineup?

"Ummm... let me see... it was Finton, Milckey, Pevington, Thompson, Kilinin, Rintell, Flinters, Copperlee, Floren, Nielson, Faren."

"That's our all time team"

"Yeh, it is, wow"

"That is crazy"

"Hmmm.... Hill is bonkers but I like it"

"Yes"

Final Score:
Milchama 6 (Joseph 21, Marchakov 34, Belmowitz 46, Flitty 62, Clufor 78)
The Aqua Moose 1 (Bulwinkle 2)

"That is a truly great performance"

"Agreed"

"So now how long until we fly to Cookesland"

"Flight 62486260987 to Cookesland is now boarding"

"Sweet!"

DRUIDA DOFITH 'ZIL QUELLARIN MIREM GARETH
DRUIDA FLEE AS THE FORTRESS HOLDS STRONG

Fort Europe - 5 - V - 0 - Druida

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/034.jpg
The victorious team salute fans

Eleven goals from their last two matches breaks a national record and boosts Fort Europe up into the top half of group three with bottom team Bartonsteinnext in line for the slaughter when they visit the Commonwealth Stadium next week. For the second match in a row Fort Europe dominated proceedings from the start and just got better and better, Druida having no reply for the onslaught they received. The Druida goal was pounded time and time again as the home side advanced on their prey for a spot of target practice. Michelle Bishop got the opener in the first half, a powerful strike from distance clipped the underside of the bar having left the Druidian keeper stranded several yards off his line. Karl Isaak then struck home before the end of the first half, his volley from Andy Fletcher's free kick struck low to the keepers left tucked into the back of the net.

In the second half Andy Fletcher was replaced by Chris Lessinger who moved up to make a three player strike force and things started to go down hill for the visitors who were clearly struggling to maintain a defensive line despite piling ever player they had between the ball and their own goal. The third goal will probably be claimed by substitute Chris Lessinger but was due largely to the ball deflecting off the defending player wearing the number 321093 shirt. As none of the opposition players appeared to have names on the back of their shirts many went under the impression that this team was just so soft and lazy that the couldn't be bothered to print names on their shirts after dishing out such large and utterly random numbers all of which for some reason only included positive odd integers. Anyway, Michelle Bishop put the ball in the back of the net again some time later, the diminutive young lady was left unmarked and allowed a clear header which she slotted between the legs of a rather embarrassed goal keeper.

The final goal was taken from the penalty spot after Karl Isaak was brought down in the eighteen yard box by the weird, goofy looking Druida defender wearing the number 7320001 shirt. Isaak stepped aside and allowed Michelle to blast the ball into the back of the net to collect a well deserved hat-trick, Karl Isaak of course having collected his first of the competition just the week before against Cookesland. Fort Europe stay fifth in the group despite the win but are now just two points behind Cookesland and three behind the Holy Empire who lie in in third. Therefore Bartonstein's visit next week will be a hightly anticipated match with the bottom side who have yet to collect a single point so far will leave fans placing their bets not on who wins, but on how many goals Fort Europe can score withing the ninety minutes.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

9 - James West
9 - Murphy Lee
9 - Tim Forrester (C)
8 - Shaun Pearson []
8 - Gemma Lloyd
9 - Katherine Keller
7 - Andy Fletcher []
9 - Ryan Holmes
9 - Vicky Princess
10 - Michelle Bishop (23,68, Pen 84)
10 - Karl Isaak (38)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
8 - Floe Peltsten (On for Lee (65))
- - Aki Haddon
7 - Edowine Sanjuan (On for Princess (80))
9 - Chris Lessinger (On for Fletcher (45)) (54)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0025.jpg
Shaun Pearson in trouble with the Ref

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0026.jpg
Fletcher lines up a free kick

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/019.jpg
Isaak scores again

Elghinn ulu l'O'dad

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV. I'm Dana Lee..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone."

"It's a show of reflection tonight, because the Schiavonia Sloths are reflecting in the glory of having the best World Cup Qualifying record so far! You guys must be really pleased with that, Fil!"

"Actually, Dana, Schiavonia have traditionally been strong starters in qualifying, and can often be seen in the top few qualifying records even towards the end of the campaign. It's probably to do with the Schiavone gung-ho approach to the game, throw everything at it and see how it goes. It works well for such a strong attacking team, but they grow tired just after half of the qualifying run, then get a second energy before stumbling into the finals."

"So you're saying that the reason Schiavonia never get very far in the World Cup Finals is because they're tired?"

"That's exactly true, Dana. Eleven goals in two games at such an early stage of qualifying tells its own story. If the World Cup was just a finals straight off, Schiavonia would reach the semis nine times out of ten."

"So you're saying that being one of only two 100% sides left, along with World Cup Finalists Jeruselem, having third best defensive record and the tied second highest goals scored is all to be expected?"

"At this stage, yes. But it will not last, Dana. OK, Harlesburg next up looks easy, but then it's Demot, the group's surprise outfit Cookesland, Lowland Clans, Fort Europe and Cookesland again. Druida are often at their worst in the middle of qualifying. This run of games, against all the groups best teams barring the Holy Empire, looks like it won't do much to stop that."

"OK, well later we'll be looking at some of Schiavonia's group rivals in detail. We'll be asking where Cookesland have emerged from, why are Baronstein even in this cup and what on earth is going on Druida. We'll see you shortly..."

OOC: Only short due to time right now. Should be normal service resumed from the next matchday.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Plain sailing runs aground

All good things must come to an end, but even the more pessimistic bar-dwellers of Quintessence of Dust could not have predicted how spectacularly their team's progress would be upended by the strong Krytenian side. Four goals shook the net as Winchester Furman was repeatedly bested by strikes Jermaine Orange and Liam Platt, who took two apiece. The Quodites did squeak one in return, but so dismal were they dissected by their opponents that to call it a consolation effort would be unforgivable fabrication.

Things started badly and went worse: although it took twenty minutes for the Aces to score, they had also earned four corners in that time, and established a near total hegemony over the Quodite defence. They rounded out the first half with another, and then scored a third immediately on resumption. Throughout, they retained a dominant share of possession, and inflicted ceaseless attacks on the defence.

Micky Marberger picked up a booking that will force him to sit out the next game, but several other fouls were thrown around in frustration, and Frederic Renard appeared extraordinarily fortunate not to earn at the very least twelve consecutive red cards for the sustained campaign of violence he waged on Varakhin and Duffy. Theo Littlefellow and Peter Rogers both left the field nursing injuries, but neither appeared serious, while Roger Longhorn was substituted off having barely touched the ball.

The one bright spot was David Yellowback, who was tireless on the right, in defence and very occasional attack, and his goal - an elaborate solo effort constructed from a dazzling run with a crisp angled finish - was richly deserved. Elsewhere, though, players appeared overwhelmed with the occasion of squaring up to the world number ones, and a few scatological chants from their dispirited supporters did little to rouse spirits.

Afterwards, players sought to cast reflective light on the drab performance, but in truth, the magnificence of their underperformance can only bode poorly well for the tough games still ahead of them.

Sub-editor required
We are now advertising for the position of Chief Sub after our last one was fired, and then shot, for his appalling punnery. The wanker. Applicants should demonstrate a good command of English, a sound knowledge of grammar and punctuation, the ability to work in a team environment, and be able to think up innenduous spoonerisms at the drop of a hat used for deviant purposes by a minor celebrity.

World Cup Qualifying – MD6

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bushes_been_quaked.png Bushes Been Quaked : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
0:0


Match Report:

Bushes Been Quaked – After the sixth World Cup Qualifying game in the group, Acapais and Bushes Been Quaked played to a 0-0 draw on Sunday. The draw leaves Acapais tied in 5th place in group 6 and Wentland is winning the group thus far with 15 points from six games.

The match started slowly as the competing nations took a good twenty minutes to get a feel for one another. Comfortable saves from both goalkeepers was the name of the game. Nobody on the field put a significant amount of power on their shots for it to account for anything. Zero goals for both teams were the result.

There was an odd incident in the second half where the linesmen had flagged for offside and the center official did not see him. Play was continued and Acapan forward, Jose, put the ball in the back of the net. The center official awarded the goal and then was forced to retract it after seeing the linesmen with the flag in the air.

Scoring:
None

Booking:
None

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 – Robert Hernandez) 54
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (15 – Graham Atwater) 71
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose (17 – Deshawn Jones) 77



-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais Starblaydia Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12322892&postcount=84)
Acapais MD1 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12321952&postcount=70)
Acapais MD2 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12325406&postcount=116)
Acapais MD3 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12331926&postcount=183)
Acapais MD4 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12335932&postcount=224 )
Acapais MD5 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12339249&postcount=245)
Acapais MD6 Report

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Sorry for not having an article about yesterday's match, against the HURD. There was not enough space. However, we can tell you that it wid not go well, as we lost the match, and not a single goal was scored by the Swilatian team. It was good that it did not happen here at home, as that would result in riots by the teams fans, who were upset about Swilatia not managing to win any matches at all so far.

Today's match, against Rejistania, was a loss as well, but we did score goals. While we had the home field, that seems to mean nothing for the Swilatian team, as we had lost at home. There were other reasons for the loss, and it was all events happening in the stadium, on the playing field. Nothing to do with accomodations, weather, or a cruel, cheating host nation, as this was a home match.

So, to give a basic description, Rejistania had an ezellent defense, mostly due to having used a defense centred "Karela" system for a long time. Our defense, on the other hand was pathetic. We had the better offense, but their defense was too strong for us, and our defense was too weak to stand in the way of a top team like them.

The match was very eventful, in both halves. Many times in the first half, we attempted to score past the rejistanian defense, but it never went well. We never got too close to the goal. However, even though they have shown better defense then offense in this match, their offense also was good, and they scored 3 goals past us in the first half, at 22 minutes, 37 minutes, and 44 minutes.

The second half was when our team started to rise up again. Romańska scored a goal for Swilatia at 52 minutes. Fans were thinking that the team could smash a lead, like they did in the match against Errinundera. Of course though, the fans are not a crystal ball. Our next goal attempt failed, and at 58 minutes, Rejstania scored their fourth goal, returning their lead up to 3 goals.

For the fans, this was a sign of doom for the team. The team itself disagreed though, and continued trying to get goals. finally at 74 minutes, Rycerski hit one in. However, this was far to late to get two goals in. Swilatia gave up, thinking that not even one goal could be kicked in in so little time. Unfortunately, the Rejistanians managed to do so, getting their full lead back at 87 minutes. While this did not mean that much for the match result, it just showed how terrible Swilatia's defense is. The team manager, Szary, said "The defense is what we have problems with here, and is something we will need to improve if we want to ever qualify".

However, tommorow's match, against Philodox Weltscmerz looks like an almost certain victory to most Swilatians, and may very well end this dark curse on our nation's team.

IT'S... THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo
Your World Cup Hall of Fame Broadcasters

"Basil!

"Theo!"

"A special occasion, this, Basil...."

"Absolutely, Theo - it's the first time we've broadcast live from our in-studio solid gold jacuzzis. Not that this makes us soft..."

"Or lazy, Basil. Not us."

"Absolutely not, Theo - we're still the raring-to-go tyros we've always been."

"Lovely jacuzzi this, incidentally."

"Very much so - just look at this detailing. I particularly like the diamond-encrusted tap heads. They sparkle so in the candlelight. Speaking of candlelight, where are the serving wenches?"

"Preparing this evening's gourmet repast - braised Bulgarian quail in a Penfold's Grange reduction."

"Hmmmmm..... Penfold's Grange. Why don't we have a glass right now, Theo?"

"Capital idea, Basil! Serving wenches - bring us a bottle of Penfold's Grange. Right now!"

"Anyway, where were we, Theo?"

"Ermmmm..... football. Something about football."

"Oh yes.... Erm, who were we playing?"

"Not sure, Basil - I couldn't be bothered to check. Too la...

"Not lazy, Theo. Not lazy. Remember we're not lazy. Or soft. Maybe the serving wenches will know. Serving wenches! Was there a Holy Empire football match last night? What was the score?"

".........................................................."

"Speak up! I can't hear you!"

"We played the Lowland Clans and lost. 3-1."

"Speak up, I said!

"We played the Lowland Clans and lost. 3-1."

"Not that loud. Honestly. Anyway. There you have it, Theo. We lost 3-1 to the Lowland Clans."

"Think that takes care of our contractual obligations, Basil. Now, let's get on to the important business.... like our pre-dinner erotic massage from a bevy of scantily-clad maidens of virtue not so true....."

"Ooooooh - you must have been reading my mind...."

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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TEAM USES KNOWLEDGE TO WIN AN IMPORTANT POINT

http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/1880/1001400045skf5.jpg
Players commemorate Kliek's goal

Cafundéu had a difficult game against last cup champions of Ariddia. The game was full of intelligent places and the game result changed many times. But, in the end, Cafundéu could use the advantage of the knowledge to win. As five players of the Ariddian National Team play in teams of Cafundéu, the coach already knew most of their strengths and weaknesses.

The draw can be considered a good result, but wasn`t so good because of The Archregimancy’s victory. Because of that, Cafundéu now is in a dangerous situation in the third position, and can have some problems in holding the position. In the next game, the team will play at home against Houersteinzer, and everybody expects a win.

THE GAME
Cafundéu’s formation was the most defensive that the team ever used, and in the first minutes the team couldn’t attack properly. Ariddia took advantage of this fact and attacked with full force. Du Valdor passed the ball to Lescrit, who invaded the area and shot, but Vargas made a good save. In another chance, Komu headed the ball but sent it over the bar.

But it was a trap. Cafundéu was just waiting for the right moment to start an outstanding counterattack using the wings. Zandberg lost the ball in the attack and Wantuirso passed to Kirs in the left wing. The winger ran to the attack and made a low crossing to the area. Heitor reached the ball before the goalkeeper and hit it to score the first goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Arrrrriddia is attacking many times, we prrrrrobably won’t hold them for much time. Look, Zandberrrrrg loses the ball, Wantuirrrrrso starrrrrts the counterrrrrattack, Kirrrrrs with the ball, attacking, he crrrrrrrrrrosses... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look again at the rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Arrrrriddia zero!”

After surprising the home team with an unexpected goal, Ariddia started to play with a more balanced style, and the good chances continued to happen, but this time for both sides, and both teams seemed ready to score. Ariddia had one chance with al Safi, who shot from outside the area, but Vargas saved. Cafundéu replied with Ganz Ijak, who received the ball from Metir and shot, but the ball hit the post.

And Ariddia scored in the twenty-fifth minute. Ke Sho reached the midfield and passed the ball to du Valdor. The midfielder crossed the ball to the area and Mataitai headed it to score a goal against Vargas, his team mate in his team. The supporters of both teams were excited with this good game. Both teams continued with the same style after the second goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Difficult game... was Ijak offside in that play, Coalho? Wait, herrrrre comes Arrrrriddia, du Valdor rrrrruns, crrrrrrrrrrosses the ball, Mataitai... it’s a goal. Goal for Arrrrriddia! Mataitai! Arrrrriddia one, Cafundéu one!”

http://img162.imageshack.us/img162/1842/aricafhm9.jpg
Ariddia returns for the second half

The game was incredible. Both teams were doing their best to try to win, and the supporters didn’t stop to sing. Cafundéu had a chance with Anormal, but Mataitai blocked his shot. In another play, Andrews shot and sent the ball over the bar. In the last minutes of the first half, Argentier made a play that he makes often with Lescrit in CR Submiria. He passed the ball to the attacker, received it back and shot in the left side of Vargas’s goal, scoring the second goal of Ariddia. The first half ended 2x1. Read Breno Gavião:

“The firrrrrst half is ending. You’ll see with us our halftime show! Back to the game, Arrrrriddia is attacking. Argentier... I know this play... he does this in Cafundéu. He’ll pass the ball to Lescrit... yes, he did it. Now he’ll rrrrreceive the ball back... yes, he rrrrreceived it. He shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Arrrrriddia! Argentier! Arrrrriddia two, Cafundéu zero!”

For the second half, the coach Franz Braddock abandoned the defensive style of game and decided to attack. He asked the players to remember the weaknesses of their opponents, and to attack using the centre. In the first minutes, Ariddia continued better. The first chance of the game was with Cohen, who received the ball from Charisteas and shot from outside the area. The ball hit the bar.

Cafundéu slowly won a good part of the ball possession and attacked with danger. First with Ganz Ijak, who received the ball from Anormal and shot, but wide. After some minutes, Kimball, who had just entered in the game, invaded the opponent’s area, dribbled his team mate of Atlético Jutense, Ke Sho, and shot with strength, scoring the second goal of Cafundéu in the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Another good attack for us. This time with Kimball. He drrrrribbles al Safi, invades the area. One on one against Ke Sho... he drrrrribbles him too, now it’s just him and the goalkeeper, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look this one at the replay! Kimball, number fifteen! Cafundéu two, Arrrrriddia two!”

http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/1408/cafey1.jpg
Kimball scored the second goal of Cafundéu

Cafundéu didn’t stop to attack and after ten minutes was able to score another goal. Heren Ijak received the ball from Heitor and tried to invade the area, but was fouled by Ke Sho. Kliek took the free kick. He hit the ball, it made a curve and he scored against the goalkeeper Xavier Xu, who plays in the same team as the Cafundelense midfielder. A beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Frrrrree kick for Cafundéu. Ke Sho rrrrreceives a yellow card. Kliek will take it. Good chance for scoring. He runs, shoots and... look at the goal, look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Please look at the rrrrreplay! Kliek, number seven! Cafundéu three, Arrrrriddia two!”

Cafundéu really looked in good form and was able to keep the victory, but Ariddia started to attack with much strength, and soon Cafundéu noticed that it would soon suffer a goal. The coach tried to reinforce the defense, but couldn’t. In the trirty-sixth minute, after a corner kick, du Valdor headed, the defense blocked and Dargeau took the rebound, shooting to score the last goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Our defense is trying to hold the prrrrressure, but it’s very difficult for them. Corrrrrner for Arrrrriddia. Lescrit takes it, du Valdor heads it, Becão saves, Dargeau takes the rebound and... it’s a goal. Goal for Arrrrriddia! Dargeau! Arrrrriddia three, Cafundéu three!”

After the game ended, the players talked with the media about the result: “Yes, it’s good to draw away against an excellent side as Ariddia. But we can’t draw everytime. We must return to win, so we can continue with good chances of qualification”, said Kliek. Metir talked with the media too: “A very good game, I’m sure that the supporters liked. We could score three goals in a difficult game, so we did a good job.”

Heren Ijak wasn’t too happy: “In the last minute, I stepped on a hole. I must see if I can play the next game. Now, I’m not very well. But about the game, was good for us, but we surely must return to win.” The coach Franz Braddock is still angry with the media, but said: “I’m proud of the team and looking for a victory in the next game against Houersteinzer.”

After the game, some Cafundéu supporters talked with Ariddian citizens, and talked with us: “It was a weird situation. We speak English, but they start to talk with us in Spanish, I didn’t understand! We speak Portuguese, not Spanish. They said “Buenas tardes!”, when they should say “Boa tarde!” But we accepted their invitation, although this surely was a strange situation.”

http://img162.imageshack.us/img162/8451/arina6.jpg
After a game with many good plays, the final result was 3x3

ARIDDIA 3x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Haven-Port-Noveau Stadium, in Ariddia.
Attendance: 80,000 people.
Referee: Jerome Sivasubramanian (Schiavonia).
MOTM: Ricardo Steppt Kliek (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png ARIDDIA: Xavier Xu, Mataitai, Cohen and Ke Sho; al Safi (Eo La 73’), Argentier, Zandberg (Charisteas 45’) and du Valdor; Komu, Andrews (Dargeau 64’) and Lescrit.
Coach: that one in the bench.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Becão, Sávio Ferrari (Manuel Padaria 45’) and Wantuirso; Vandick, Anormal, Metir (Heren Ijak 60’), Kliek and Kirs; Heitor and Ganz Ijak (Kimball 60’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:ARI: Mataitai 25’ , Argentier 41’ , Dargeau 81’.
CAF: Heitor 4’ , Kimball 63’ , Kliek 74’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Houersteinzer: Vargas, Vandick, Becão, Wantuirso and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Brahma and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Najor Livas (Yafor 2).

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Goalscorers after 6 games:

5- G. Ijak
3- Renário and Heitor
2- Anormal and R. Kliek
1- J. Kimball

The Sports Register
Captain ruled out for two games

Theo Littlefellow's dismal World Cup continues as news emerges from the Quintessential squad camp that he will be out for at least the next two matches. A bad tackle in the Krytenia game, that saw the team slide to a miserable 4-1 defeat, has proved more damaging to his left ankle than previously thought, and team medic Frank Ubermeier has recommended that he sit out the coming games.

This is just the latest in a string of disappointments for the young captain, who came to the qualifiers full of spirit after his excellent performance in the Baptism of Fire, where he took on new attacking responsibilities and scored four goals in the process. But his World Cup began with a red card, and he was booked on his return, since when he has not lasted the 90 minutes once.

The poor showing has provided an unexpected opportunity for female star Jessica Jensen, who has proved herself worthy of the place with some good individual skill, as well as fitting into the team set-up ably, but that cannot make up for the gap left by Littlefellow, whose crossing and tenacious defending proved invaluable in the Baptism of Fire.

Peter Rogers also left the field limping, but his injury - a blow to a knee that the referee failed to notice - was ruled non-serious, and he is expected to attend training as normal. The squad has overall been blessedly free of injury problems...so far, although Dennis Young's knee problem briefly threatened to upset attacking aspirations..

Meanwhile, coach Dixon's bizarre obsession with formation-switching continues. Midfielders Benvolio Azzinio and Jensen will start in place of defenders Littlefellow and Michel Marberger, out on suspension. Jensen will take up the troubled left midfield slot again, while Azzinio will play in the hole between midfield and attack. The defence will number just three, an interesting move given they have been breached ten times in just six games, including four in their most recent encouter.

The team faces Cuation, highly fancied but so far underperforming, at home at the very first match in the new Blofeld Road Stadium in Rochat. After that come difficult games with Assegai Developments and Qazox; Littlefellow's missing both would prove extremely disadvantageous to any lingering hope of shock success.

The Commonwealth News studio

"... The main news again; Fifteen year old comedy actress Illianna Xzopravia gave birth just a few hours ago to a baby girl. Illianna and her husband, twenty three year old musician Neil, have named their newborn daughter Sophia Edwina. Minor tectonic tremors recorded in northern Metasca have led Commonwealth geologists to fear a possible eruption of Mount Hannah, an active volcano which lies just three miles of the Metascan coastline which only broke the surface to create a new volcanic island just two hundred years ago and is no more than forty meters in diameter at present, another eruption however could cause a major shift in sea currents throughout the area and be extremely detrimental to wildlife in the vicinity. Still to come we have Timothy Deltarna's report from the Interahamwe's capital, Kigali. But first we go live to the Commonwealth Stadium where Aby Watcher has news on the Fort Europe national football team."

The Commonwealth Stadium

"Yes Tony, I'm back here once again to bring you a run down of the teams as Fort Europe take on group three's bottom side Bartonstein, and with eleven goals from just two games the Fort Europe players will be feeling extremely confident that there team can win once again against and inferior, some might go so far as to say 'soft and lazy' Bartonstein side who have been unable to collect a single point from their last six matches in group three and leaves the visiting side with a distinct disadvantage as the attacking side work their way further and further into the inner workings, and I'm taking about mental and psychological stuff, not the physical stuff most guys are interested in, of the female mind. The team for todays match against Bartonstein will remain the same with absolutely no changes to the starting line up announced by team manager Stuart Moss.


STARTING XI

GK - James West
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Tim Forrester (C)
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Andy Fletcher
MF - Ryan Holmes
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Aki Haddon
MF - Edowine Sanjuan
AF - Chris Lessinger

Sacking Brings Out the Goals

Squornshelan national team manager Pavel Andreev was sacked in the week following Matchday 5, amid considerable controversy. He is probably among the most successful managers in international history to ever be sacked. Just as Rejistania used to cut personell for conceding, Squornshelous has let Andreev go for failing to produce enough goals. His team was 4-1-0, and had outscored opponents 7-1 over that stretch, but 1.4 goals per match is a far cry from the numbers the Pschychoes used to put up. Failing to defeat rivals Commerce Heights probably didn't help his cause much either, despite it being an away match against a resurgent Capitalizt team.
However, no one can speak out against the job that Janne Aalto and Ivan Benelli, who are splitting managing duties between themselves now, have done. In the very first match following Andreev's sacking, the Pschychoes put up 4 goals against Altanar. Jaromil Ctibor continues to lead the team in scoring, but some of the other veterans, Knut Armin and Yuri Petchukov notched their first goals of qualifying this match. Arman Latvala added to his total as well.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
Altanar 1-4 Squornshelous


Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 4
Latvala: 3
Jalmari: 1
Armin: 1
Petchukov: 1
Hermanni: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD6: Altanar 4-1 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

[Narrator] Broadcasting LIVE from the Channel 9 Studios in Downtown Fort Boston, THIS is C9News24!

[Parriff] Hello and good evening from the midnight team. Later on today, the Bostopian team will be kicking off their game against Collonie, and we have Kelly Firth with all of the team news, so over to her, Kelly, take it away.

Kelly is sat in a sauna, and, as is traditional, totally undressed.

[Firth] Thanks Jamie. Yes, Bostopia are due to play Collonie later on, and Manager Adam Collick has said that the next two games are “crucial and vital” in our hopes for qualification, be it automatic or via the playoffs.

Collonie are currently sat near the bottom of the Group, and, while they should be considered a push-over, we have to remember that’s probably what Sel Appa, Northern Caesarea and Bettia thought. However, in what’s becoming regular, Adam Collick is fielding an unchanged side.

GK: Dave KRIPP (Fort Boston FC)

DR: Craig HART (Irringvale Borough) DC: Gary YOUNG (Osling United) DC: Manfred HARRICK (Fenton FC) DL: Neill FREAT (Bassingdale City)

MR: Dan REPPON (Fort Boston FC) MC: Steven SERRING (Fort Boston FC) MC: Andy PERRAR (Rolida FC) ML: Rob KRIPP (Port Flamerty FC)

SC: Jamie TRENT (Fenton FC) Ian KRAFT (Glenrock Athletic)

Subs: GK: Greg HEARN (Henrikstad FC) DC: Matt LAWFOLD (Prussingberg FC) DLRC: Nigel PEART (Riikenberg FC) MLRC: Gary MAFF SC: Brandon DINGAER (Monham United)

Next week, after Bostopia’s game against Kelssek, they travel to Marceau State and Northern Caesarea, meaning that if Bostopia get two wins now, they’ll be absolutely crucial to our hopes.

And now, one or two comments from fans.

Here’s the first letter – “Dear Ms.Firth. Won’t you put some clothes on and think of the children?”, and that’s from a “Mrs.Branning – Smith (pronounced Smythe)” in Little Innorington, Port Flamerty State.

Well, Mrs.Branning – Smith (pronounced Smythe) I am thinking of the children, and promoting a healthy lifestyle, hence, the sauna. Which I’ve been in nearly too long.

Kelly exits the sauna, and walks into the snow-room, filled, aptly, with snow.

[Firth] Colder in here, but we still do as the ancestors do, and roll in the stuff after a sauna. Next letter, from a Mr.Collick in Fort Boston. “Dear Kelly. On behalf of myself and the lads – more widely known as the Bostopian National Team, we thank you for your efforts in this qualification period, and you are an inspiration to the team, cheering us up no matter what the result. PS: Jamie Trent wants your phone number.”

O-kay, well, I’m slightly embarrassed, as you can probably see (her face was bright red), but Jamie, I’ll think about it.

A number flashed up at the bottom of the screen for Jamie to contact Kelly on.

[Firth] It’s a good thing that’s not my home number, or my mobile for that matter. Back to another Jamie, Mr.Parriff, in the studio, while I go and roll in the snow.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ARCHREGIMANCY BAFFLED BY FIRE ANTS
"Why Do They Writhe on the Ground So?" Asks Coach

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


The Archregimancy national football squad returned to their monasteries in time for the beginning of Great Lent this morning, but only after a perplexing 3-1 away victory against the Fire Ants of Northern Bettia.

The squad were said to be initially bemused at the complete inability of the opposition to stay on their feet whenever an Archregimancy player came within fifty centimetres of a Fire Ant. More worringly, it seemed the entire Fire Ant squad was suffering from what appeared to be a rare form of epilepsy, which caused them to writhe on the ground in apparent agony almost as soon as they fell over. The visitors, concerned for the physical and spiritual well-being of their opponents, soon took to drenching the Northern Bettian players with large quantities of Holy Water whenever they fell over - a ly encourage. This seemed to do the trick, as within 20 minutes of the kick-off every Northern Bettian who had been given the Holy Water treatment seemed to go out of their way to ensure they stayed upright. Indeed, they seemed to spend the rest of the match inexplicably trying to avoid tackling any of the Archregimancy squad. The home team also expressed a heartwarming desire to not see the visiting bench waste their precious resources of Holy Water, with home coach Oban later seen to be begging visiting coach Fr. David the Water Drinker not to exhaust the supplies on his Fire Ants.

After this curious initial 20 minutes - proof indeed that even heretics and heathens are not immune to the blessed properties of Holy Water - a football match broke out, and inspired by the imminent arrival of Great Lent, the visitors soon overwhelmed their less-experienced opposition. Three first half goals from Br. Barsanuphius, Br. John and Fr. Silouan effectively ended the match, though a late second half consolation from Devanallt allowed the home side to salvage some pride.

There was also a most curious pre-match incident where home coach Oban personally delivered 8 pepperoni pizzas to the visitors' dressing room. Upon being informed that the monks had already begun their Lenten fast, Oban is recorded to have said "ohhhhhh, what a shame. I had no idea. I'll just these here, though, shall I..... just in case you're tempted.... or distracted.... or maybe both." The pizzas were later donated to a local orphanage - intact and untouched.

Leon Green once again found himself in possetion of an Article from the Monastic Times. There was a time when such a newspaper would not even be available in Atheistic Right, but now he was reading their report of the match from the paper. However something caught their eye... "kinder an gentler monks?!" he exclaimed. "That's an Oxymoron, and those Monks must think the rest of the world is made up of Schorteskatascansolanians if they think that we beleive that."

He made an order to get all available video of the match, surprisingly it had a mysteriously disappeared, which all added to the controversy, however there was certainly some evidence that they were able to get that implicated the MFA in some under-handed dealings with the referee of that match.
Records showed that the referee, which was Son Sūg-saŋ from Commerce Heights had received an interesting amount of money from an organisation that doesn't exist the "Monastic Friends Society".

And with that and the lack of video they had more than enough ammunition to claim conspiracy.

The Following article was published in one of Atheistic Right's international media outlets.


Low Blows From Guys in Gowns

An investigative report on the perculiar happenings on the field in regards to the Northern Bettia vs. The Archregimancy has shown once again the hypocritical nature of religious nations, first the abhorrant attack on our atheistic beliefs by Schorteskatascansolani and now we have proof that the referee for The Archregimancy and Northern Bettia match , a person from the Unified Capitalizt States received a payment in Totally Inflated Yen from a Group calling themselves Monastic Friends Society, a group that we have yet to find any trace of anywhere, let alone in the UCS.

In addition to the lack of 'video evidence' which suddenly dissappeared once enquires had started to be made. AFA has approached the World Cup Committee President, James Gaines and has made it's view heard and has made a proposal, to Ban all theistic nations from the World Cup for good as it has become known that they cannot be trusted.

AFA or this paper have yet to hear any official response on this matter.

The only thing that all this evidence suggests is that the MFA bribed this UCS referee to allow the Monks to 'hit the Fire Ants below the belt' and then sprinkle holy water in attempt to ward of 'permanent' damage to the Fire Ants reproductive abilities. We are also surprised that we are the only ones concerned about it.

When the fog has been lifted

The Orange-Blues defeated Nebuleux by a 2:1 scoreline. The match in the fellow League nation was highly anticipated. The Orange-Blues started hetakious as always into the match. Nebuleux fell back into the defense zone. The match was not as exciting as earlier matches unless you are a karelan. Whenever the Orange-Blues came near the penalty area, they were unable to convert their chances. It was as if witchcraft was working in the match. Suddenly, Asaikivelemanakere Ralaseletikivenemaratede saw a sshade of yellow, he knew well from the history books. He realized that many reporters apparently wore clothes which were partly in this yellow. He shouted: "Nilhe veka alna SyLy! Hetaki tesha!" Suddenly the 'journalists' shhouted that this person was attacking them and one tried to karelize the coach by pointing the glowing 'camera' at him. Asaikivelemanakere Ralaseletikivenemaratede is basicly skilled in sikiren magic and his reaction was to shield himself. The stadium security realized something was not okay and before a full-scale fight could break out, attempted to arrest the Karelans. These atempts took until the end of the match because Karelan monks know how to protect themselves. In this time, the Karelans could not make sure no hetaki occurs and so the match saw 3 goals: 2 for the Orange-Blues and one for the home team.

Message to all members of the World Champions next WC project:

HURDists, this was an excellent work of all of you! I have not expected that the Nassi-Shneidermanns can that effectively handle a human national team and a former world champion. Well done all you tireless programmers! Thank you all you designers, you technicians and you engineers! The HURD experienced a great victory! \end{terriblepathos}

Special thanks to Hanna Lee for the improved tactics, to Boris Ematuela fpr the patch in the sensor code, which worked wonders against the shadows on the field, Thanks to Lilly for youknowwhat and thanks to Siki Rej for the strategicije* suggestions.

I hope we keep this up for the next matches!

Happy Hacking!


*OOC: -ije is HURDist english for '-related' or 'referring to - '. 'performancije tweaks' are tweaks related to the performance of a program.

RP Cutoff

"Six goals in two games." David said, watching team practice from the third row of the stands. "Fantastic. We couldn't have hoped for better. I have no idea how that little bird does it."

Reg nodded. "It's something, all right. I swear to god, last game I saw it split into two different birds to set itself up for it's own goal."

"It's great. Footballing talent like that only comes around once a generation."

"No kidding."

"And it's in a freaking penguin. I mean, I've drunk myself stupid plenty of times, but stealing that penguin from the zoo was the best thing I've ever had naked blackmail pictures of me taken while doing."

"... wuh... sp..."

"Anyway, moving on, we're working on changing the team nickname from the Tigers to the Penguins, but we're meeting a fair amount of resistance."

"... naked blackmail pictures?"

"Yeah, my friends are assholes." David said.

"I'd say so. Anyway, we can't change the team nickname, we've been the Tigers for years. That's why we have the purposely hideous tiger kits. It's tradition."

"It's also tradition to not play soulless animals in an organized sport."

"... Alright, I'll give you that, but our fans will be angry if all of a sudden they have to dress like penguins. At least with the Tigers, we can sell the matching stocking hats that have the pointy cat ears that match the kits and everything. Sixty thousand people buying those damn hats makes us a lot of money. Even more when someone scores a hat trick."

"... That's true. Nothing about penguins translates well to accessories. Did you ever understand what's with the motorcycle goggles, though?"

"Ooh. That's to protect their eyes from all the smoke from car fires and gas canisters and stuff like that when they pitch a riot. That and something about communism, I don't know, they're hooligans."

"True. Practice is going well, leave it to the assistants, let's go out for a drink." David said, standing up and streching.

"It's only three in the afternoon." Reg said, raising an eyebrow.

"But last time I was drunk, I brought back the greatest player in the history of the team. Imagine what happens this time."

"... I really wish I could argue with that... But I can't." Reg said, sighing.

"Good."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John..... Algal States...."

"A goal bonanza on the first Lenten match day - a five two-thrashing involving some surprisingly unorthodox tactics at times, but why worry about conceding two when you score five, Fr. Nicholas?"

"So no concerns over the two goals from the opposition?"

"Not really, Fr. Nicholas - both late consolation goals in the last 10 minutes, by which time the lads were coasting. Some possible loss of stamina towards the end there due to the Lenten fast, but no real cause for concern."

"And what about....."

"These ludicrous claims coming from Atheistic Right, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Yes - surely these slanderous lies are a cause of deep concern, Fr. John?"

"Not really, Fr. Nicholas. Realistically, there's little need to comment on such a fantastic tissue of falsehood. Call us intolerant, call us obsessed, call us weird - and many have - but if there's one thing we've all established, and which every nation we've played can attest, is that monks don't cheat. Occasional individual sinning in the tackle, perhaps - monks are only human, and therefore only too prone to sin, after all - but organised bribery? Laughable."

"And this Monastic Friends Society, Fr. John?"

"I'm as much in the dark as you are, but I can categorically deny anyone in the Archregimancy has anything to do with them. You know what really upsets me about this, Fr. Nicholas? It's really two things. First of all, we were playing a nation of notorious cheats - Northern Bettia - who freely admit to trying just about anything to get a win...."

"Including planting a meat and cheese pizza in our dressing room, Fr. John. During Lent."

"Absolutely. Anyway - a nation that freely admits that they cheat, and yet here we are being the ones accused of cheating. Worse than that, these atheists are running around implying their moral superiority over the more religious nations, yet there's only one nation that I can see spreading slander and lies about another football team around here, and that's the atheists. Perhaps they should consider giving more weight to the Our Saviour's words 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone' - or is that a little too religious for them, perhaps?"

"So what are you going to do about it, Fr. John?"

"Me? Nothing. And neither are the MFA. If Atheistic Right want to lie, let them lie. Their forked tongues of darkness will be found out soon enough. Either that, or they'll be afflicted with a mighty pox that will cause their lying tongues to fall out and writhe snake-like upon the ground. I'd prefer the latter, but in these more secular times, I'm afraid we may be forced to live with the former."

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

Don't KRY for us, We're in first place!

KRYTENIA-2 QAZOX-3

Qazox came into the #1 team in the world's stadium, gave up two early goals, and left in first place in Group 4. A comeback for the ages as Qazox scored 3 second half goals to remain the only unbeaten in Group 4, and they now control thier own destiny for qualifiaction.

Adolf Limburger, who's wife Eva gave birth to the couple's 1st child, Alexis Rose Limburger, early this morning, was replaced in lineup with Eric Resden. Resden factored into the both of the Aces' goals as first he was called for a handball in the penalty area in the 4th minute. Liam Platt stepped up and ended Greg Wolfen's 200 minute shut-out streak and the homeside was up 1-0. Jermaine Orange made it 2-nil just 10 minutes later when his shot was deflected off of Resden and Wolfen couldn't recover in time. With the momentum overwhelmingly in the Aces' favor, any chance at stealing a point looked grim.

But the Black Oxen defense wouldn't allow anotherdecent shot on net the rest of the game, and just minutes into the 2nd half, Jonathon Sarafin nudged a Kyle Horton pass into the back of the net cutting the lead to 2-1. Horton would provide the equalizer in the 73rd minute, and the momentum had shifted to Qazox.

But after a swarming attack by the Aces in the waning moments, a stolen pass by Ty Rant, who up to this point was nearly invisible it seemed, lead to the winning goal. Rant was swamped by the Ace's defence, and barely found a streaking Sonja Clay, who caught Aces' keeper Simon Barradez completely flat-footed and edged her shot just into the upper near post and somehow Qazox had defeated the #1 team in the world 3-2.

Up next for Qazox is Commerce Heights JSY at home. Commerce Heights JSY is the little brother of Commerce Heights Slani, whom we played about 20 years ago. But JSY is not Slani, and Qazox should win 4-1.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Sarafin (8)- 49', Horton (5)- 73'; Clay (3)- 88'
Krytenia: Platt- (pk) 5', Orange- 15'
CARDS: Assegai Developments: None
Qazox: Yellow: Redsen-4'

<Wayne Wastle and Monique Alexander on screen>

Wayne: Hi, I'm Wayne Wastle for JGN and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. No Dazza today, she's having a rest day but no resting from being hassled by attractive women for me. Monique Alexander is taking her place today on this show. Hey, stop that touching ...
Monique: Sorry, Wayne. Bad habits! I'm Dazza's buddy and she asked me to fill in today. Just call me Moni or Mona.

Wayne: We all know why you are called Mona, but I'm not going into details in family prime time.
Monique: Say, you want any of my videos?

Wayne: No need Monique, having Dazza videos is bad enough. And we don't need a Kelly Firth on JGN either, although Dazza does her best.
Monique: You need one, back to the football!

Wayne: It's a day for big scores today, a quite few of them.
Monique: And not just wimpy little ones, massive demolitions at that.

wayne: Geisenfried and The Lowland Clans, who we beat to make the World Cup 32 finals showed class. They hammed their opponents SEVEN NIL and well, it sets the tune for the day. There were more of these kind of scores too.
Monique: Class teams showing the world cup opposition they are here to play to win.

Wayne: First, the real shock - Lovisa won a game! Well, 3 points and they aren't going be last all the time after all. It was a ONE NIL win but then the opponent was unpredictable New Propagandia.
Monique: Well, they are building a new team and wins help team confidence.

Wayne: Our friends Bettia showed they are back, and beat not just any old opponent. Taking on Elves Security Forces, they cruised to a THREE NIL win. Bettia are well getting ...
Monique: Bettia as Dazza would say. The Aroras are back in form and kicking ass. I think their worst form is over, except when they play us. The Elves have to regroup but it's no shame losing to Bettia.

Wayne: Marceau State beat Northern Caesarea. Well, either Northern Caesarea are playing total crap at the moment or the Frenchies are actually getting better. I don't know.
Monique: Northern Caesarea and also the Elves Security Forces are not performing to their rank. Kelssek and Bostopia are exceeding their ranked ability, so either we are seeing new teams rising to the challenge or some teams on the downward spiral.

Wayne: Bostopia - played a Collonie team who won last game. Bostopia did well against Jeruselem but ran around like maniacs against the Collonie team. Yes the same team won SEVEN NIL. Collonie played badly and Bostopia showed why they can do against a lowly opponent.
Monique: The key to Jeruselem's win was defense, Collonie don't have one.

Wayne: Well, the big one!
Monique: Oh yes, we took on Kelssek team. Both teams with scoring ability but we had the best defense around. Hey, 3rd seeds don't have bad defenses otherwise we'd be seeded 30th. Yes, there were a lot of goals - from Jeruselem that it.

Wayne: Me and Dazza talked about their leaky defenses, and it flooded today. TWO ALL at half time with a hectic barrage of scoring shots keeping with keepers busy. But if you looked the teams walking off at half time, Jeruselem looked the fresher team.
Monique: Jeruselem are super fit team and we scored four goals against a tired defense. I even scored one myself.

Wayne: Moaner here scored in funniest way. She was going for a low header, and a few Kelssek feet trying clear the ball headed her way. She tried to avoid getting her head caved in and scored off her back.
Monique: And I got all dirty. Goal mouthes are always torn up and muddy at a end of a game.

Wayne: The other goal scorers were Dinkie, Tunk, Gay Al, Clarky and Miss Rashina Dallas herself.
Monique: Rashina is best Jeruselem defender and scores goals too. You must watch that temper of hers though, noisy girl.

Wayne: You were in defense?
Monique: Yes, not now.

Wayne: The Lions finally won again but against the hapless Atheistic Right. Not the best of wins, ONE NIL to the Lions who need a few more wins.
Monique: They don't draw much either. Neither do we, winning is the way.

Wayne: You're doing YAP YAP.
Monique: That poll is closed. We have the results about banning, well wanton single women like moi from the World Cup team. There were three options - Support, Don't support and Dazza it. Dazza it is for people who can't decide or are idiots. 60% don't support it, 25% support and we had 15% Dazza its. It's clear to say the proposal is now dead. Dazza it means sleep on it for those who are confused.

Wayne: Rather high uncertain votes
Monique: But the 60% says it all.

Wayne: Well, see you all later.
Monique: Sweet dreams as my friend Dazza says. And buy them DVDs with me it too!

Wayne: Adults only for Moniques video, not for kids.

Group 1:
Collonie [0] Bostopia [7]
Marceau State [2] Northern Caesarea [1]
Elves Security Forces [0] Bettia [3]
Lovisa [1] New Propagandia [0]
Jeruselem [6] Kelssek [2]

Group 9:
Atheistic Right [0] Nedalia [1]

Other total trashings
San Monticaz [0] Geisenfried [7]
The Lowland Clans [7] Cookesland [0]

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fmjphoenix.png Fmjphoenix 2-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Second consecutive draw “cause for concern”

Any self-confidence Ariddians may have felt was left badly shaken after a two-all draw against Fmjphoenix today. The Rouge-et-Noirs have won only two of six potential points in their past two matches. . . and have conceded an astonishing five goals.

“That’s more than in our five previous matches put together,” coach Yves al Jahdali said. He also noted that Ariddia is now only two points ahead of the Archregimancy – its main rival in group 2, which it has yet to face – but denied that the team were feeling particularly worried.

“It’s cause for concern, yes, but this will just encourage us to pull ourselves together.”

Any match involving Ariddians usually means a fair number of goals, and goals by Trevor Komu and Ie O prevented the Rouge-et-Noirs from facing their first defeat in this competition. But the players were given a sharp reminder of their opponents’ skill, as Fmjphoenix found the net twice as well.

“Just because we’re the defending champions doesn’t mean we don’t have to make a big effort not to slip back down,” Ariddian captain Chloé al Safi said. Most concerned of all, however, are the team’s supporters.

“Every match counts,” a young fan said, looking worried. “They have to right the course, and fast. Next time they concede this many goals, they could lose the match.”

“Just a few years ago,” al Safi commented, “two consecutive draws with five goals conceded would have been quite acceptable. Times change, don’t they?”

Where is Fr. Vasily?

Meanwhile, voices have been speaking up in Ariddia asking – surprisingly enough – about the fate of the Archregimancy’s Fr. Vasily the Heavily-Accented, former spokesman of the monastic nation on all things sports-related.

Fr. Vasily enjoys a large fan base in the PDSRA, and now an organisation – the Outraged Association – wants to find out what has become of that “nice, grumpy old monk,” as one female member puts it, speaking on condition of anonymity.

“Is outrage!” she stated. “The monastic football authorities have become pleasant, almost tolerant. What place is there now for Fr. Vasily? And more importantly. . . What’s happened to him? Has he been forgotten?”

Another organisation, the AAAAAAAM (Association of Atheist Ariddians Alarmed About Admirable Archregimancy Monk) has expressed similar concerns.

Az-cz Scroll
Il-Lur

Atheistic Right makes strange bedfellows

Amazingly for the second time this cup the insanely orthodox religious nation of The Archregimancy and the enlightened free thinking wonder that is our nation of Az-cz have been united on the same side of a controversy revolving around the nation of Atheistic Right.

First there was the hubbub about the Schorteskatascansolani treatment of Atheistic Right players that both nations objected to. And now there is both nations standing together against attacks of corruption about the Archregimancy Football association leveled by Atheistic Right.

Noz-Tf, president of the Az-cz football federation, and joint chair of WC33 Qu-ak stated that he would need to see overwhelming evidence to conclude that the Archregimancy was involved in match fixing. "Sure," he began "they're obnoxious as all get up. They believe in things that don't exist and follow all sorts of brain dead dogma. But that's their own personal shortcomings. However their morals are beyond reproach." He continued to state that the Az-cz federation would be strongly working against the Atheistic Right proposal to ban theist nations. Even if allegations were proven against The Archregimancy, which he believed unlikely, he reiterated that it would be a single nation being punished. "How Atheistic Right extends the actions of Schorteskatascansolani and possible action of Atheistic Right to all 'theist' nations is absurd." He then continued to reject the idea in general. "What's a theist nation anyways? Would it have to be nation where every citizen is a beliver. Would a fairly religious nation like Bazalonia be considered theist? How about us, a nation of atheists but a few believer sprinkled about?"

The Az-cz fan on the street shared the same opinion. No-God from Mil-Bax said "Why would we want to ban religious nations. They already live miserable lives of soul strengthening suffering. That's punishment enough. Even if they did cheat, let them, to have something in their life worth living for." Most other opinions were similar in pitying the lives of religious fools and thinking they shouldn't be denied a joyful outlet of sport.

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/natl-telegraph.jpg
Sporting efforts always end in losering. We told you not to bother.

Loss in 5th- or 6th-most popular sport to World Cup runners-up an absolute national disgrace

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/henricournoyer.jpg
Henri Cournoyer proves himself completely unworthy of the brainless hero-worship our society persists in foisting on sports personalities who in reality contribute nothing useful and leech on our resources.

The government's wasteful expenditures on sporting activity yielded a manifestly shameful defeat in a total 6-2 collapse to Jeruselem of which the entire nation should be ashamed.

The defense was completely in shambles, as the conceding of four goals in the last half of the game testifies, and the hero-worship of overpaid and unproductive professional sportsmen like Vincent Arsenault was shown to be as ridiculous as religion. It makes one wonder why it was worth the $30,000 of taxpayer money spent on transportation and accomodation to allow some pampered, non-working young men to fly to Jeruselem, spewing greenhouse gases directly into the atmosphere, and shame the nation in the eyes of the watching world.

Few redeeming qualities were to be found in the complete debacle as the national football team failed miserably to even remotely match the quality of Jeruselem's players. It was just another episode in our nation's continually dismal sporting performance which just begs the question of why the government must spend our tax money on such abjectly useless and expensive items like ice rinks, stadiums, fields, swimming pools, and even giving tax discounts to parents to bribe them into allowing their children to play sports, a most heinous attempt at social engineering and complete raping of the principle of the free market if ever there was one. We will never be free while tyrannical leftists tax and steal from the people.

It was even more galling to see the state of denial "manager" Mathieu de Jenken was in. He went so far as to call the 2-2 score after the first half "heartening and exciting", but even he had to admit that "we were simply outclassed". Sadly, his delusion was clear as the said the team "has nothing to be ashamed of". Perhaps Mr. de Jenken should, if he is a real "manager", get a proper job in a productive occupation and stop leeching off the hardworking Kelssekian taxpayer. But of course, as long as we have communists and quasi-communists are in power, the taxpayer will be forced to pay for all this appalling waste.

Needless to say, enough of these completely despicable stealing of the people's property to fund ridiculous sporting activities which only create worthless and even more expensive teams which compete and consistently lose at international events. Sports are an utterly wasteful endeavour and the sooner our society is free of frivolous, aggression-promoting physical activity, the better.

FORT EUROPE SZITHRAUN, OGGLINN NAUST
FORT EUROPE SIXTEEN, OPPOSITION NIL

Fort Europe - 5 - V - 0 - Bartonstein
@ The Commonwealth Stadium, Stape
Attendence: 118,118

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Genie, Genie on the ball, which is the best team of them all?

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Fort Europe played this game with confidence and poise, passing the ball neatly between them and maintaining possession for most of the match allowing Bartonstein little chance to make an impact on the game. Bartonstein did have one break through on goal which afforded keeper James West to get his first touch of the ball from open play in just over two hundred minutes. Michelle opened the scoring with two goals that were practically identical, both set up by Karl Isaak and both involved Michelle taking the ball around the keeper before slotting the ball into the net with grace. Isaak naturally put his own name on the score sheet before half time by running all the way around the outside of the statuesque Bartonstein defense and cutting inside to strike the ball in off the far post beyond the reach of the exposed keeper.

Michelle Bishop scored her third in the second half to complete her second hat-trick in as many games, her header however was under pressure from an opposition defender who was cautioned for the use of his elbow which connected with the starlet's face and sent her falling to the deck hard clutching her head. She was stretchered off moments later with a suspected concussion and wouldn't play any further part in the match, it's doubtful that she even noticed the ball lying in the back of the net. Chris Lessinger came off the bench to fill the gap and play continued with Lessinger making an almost immediate impact when he set substitute Aki Haddon through on goal just three minutes later who struck the ball low and hard at the Bartonstein keeper who couldn't keep hold of the ball as he was knocked backwards, quick to jump at the chance Chris Lessinger slid in to tap the loose ball home.

Five goals, no reply and Fort Europe sail into fourth place in group three, just two points behind Demot in third. Their sixteen goals from the last three games will leave the team feeling practically invincible and the fans wondering why they hadn't played so well in the opening games of group three like Schiavonia who remain unbeaten at the top and only needing three more wins from the remaining nine matches to be assured of an automatic qualification. Hockey Canada will be the next victims as the disappointingly underachieving side host Fort Europe next week at a randomly selected field in what is left of their nation after it's political infrastructure collapsed into anarchy just before the start of this tournament and their stadium was demolished. Disappointment elsewhere also as those plucky little elves lost to Bettia and the likes of Random Toast and Turruth Gordur also lost. Demot and Assegai Develoments did pick up all three points though, both with clean wins over inferior opposition.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

10 - James West
9 - Murphy Lee
9 - Tim Forrester (C)
8 - Shaun Pearson
8 - Gemma Lloyd
8 - Katherine Keller
9 - Andy Fletcher
9 - Ryan Holmes
8 - Vicky Princess
10 - Michelle Bishop (30,37,58)
10 - Karl Isaak (43)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Floe Peltsten
9 - Aki Haddon (On for Pearson (45)) (61)
- - Edowine Sanjuan
8 - Chris Lessinger (On for Bishop (58))

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Improvised circus tricks entertain the traveling supporters

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Karl Isaak takes the scenic route around the outside.

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Chris Lessinger slides onto the score sheet

NB: I improvised for the Bartonstein kit as they failed to post a roster.

You're watching World Cup Tonight, only on
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Jawalski: Wow, Swilatia's record has been terrible so far. Three draws, three losses, no wins, and we are sitting at the bottom of our group, with almost no hope of getting into a quaifying spot. AS a surroprter of the Swilatian team, I am absolutely disgusted by this turn of events. Can't Szary find some actual defenders, rather then just the incompetents we have now?

Wiadzase: No wins? what are you talking about? Of course we have wins. We won today's match against Philodox Weltscmerz, 3-1.

Jawalski: Yes, but first off, they are the weakest team in the group. A victory was almost 100% guaranteed here. Secondly, that's only one win, up against 3 draws and 3 losses. We will need more then one win to qualify. Finally, we are still at the bottom spots of our group, which is not exactly a good place to be if we want to qualify.

Wiadzase: Sure, but there are still some matches left. We still have a chance to qualify. After all, we havent played every country in the group yet, once we have done so, it will be done again, except with teams we played at their stadiums, we will play right here in Vilvek, and the teams that we played at home will be played at their stadium, which may not be as good as the one in Vilvek.

Jawalski: Okay, so from what I just heard you say, you know quite a lot about the world cup and how its qualification stage works. However, I would like to see how much you know about today's match. After all, that's what we should be talking about on this show.

Wiadzase: Okay, so here it is. Even though both teams are new to the tournament, the teams were not equal. Philodox Weltscmerz did not stand a chance against us. Their defense was poor, allowing us to score goals past them easily, and their offense was also quite poor, allowing our defense to actually stop goals from being kicked into our goal.

Jawalski: Okay, so we have a basic summary. Now how did the first half look like?

Wiadzase: Well, in the first minutes, Philodox Weltscmerz kept trying to score a goal, so our show somehow went to the defense, who acrually managed to hold out against the other team. However, at 17 minutes, Philodox Weltscemerz tried to score a goal. However, Swilatia's team, going by their beliefs that it is only important that you have more goals then the other team, went on with goal attempts.

Jawalski: Okay, but I could say Philodox Weltscmerz's defense is not as bad as you said it to be, as they were then holding out well wnough against us. However, it's still bad. Mikołaj Rycerski knocked in our first goal at 30 minutes, tying up the score. So this half ends in a draw, but thankfully the match did not. I'm taking this over to you, since you're the one who should be giving the report on this match.

Wiadzase: Yes. In the second half, Weltscmerz was doing even worse. They scored no goals there what-so-ever, and were helpless when the strikers came up to score both of Swilatia's goal in this half. At 58 minutes and 76 minutes, Dąbrowski shot goals past Weltscmerz's defense, which was very much helpless to stop Swilatia's team. I'm telling you, they did not stand a chance in the second half. They got OWNED.

Jawalski: I would not go that far. It's not a 7-0, like at least four of today's matches.

Wiadzase: Whatever. I just hope we win the next two matches, against Sel Appa and Nebuleux, because neither will be against particularily good teams, and it would suck to go halfway through with only one win.

CBC International News

Coricas, Cookesland Hello and welcome to CBC world news, im Milchama Banks where lately no ones' been quite happy. The Owls suffered yet another massive defeat....

...to be continue

Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov was in the Hockey Canada changing room for the game against Druida. All a bit confusing, really, as every single member of the Hockey Canada team was from Druida. And every single one of the Druidan team was from... well, no-one really knows where they've come from.

As chief of both the HCFA and the official DFA, not the one that had entered a team into the World Cup, this seemed like an odd situation to outsiders. But trust os on this one, it makes perfect sense if you're Druidan.

"Right lads, this is it. HC-Druidans against Druida. And we're going to show them what's what, yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"We're going to show them what real Druidans are made of, yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"We're going to show the grit, the determination, the midfield domination that made Druida one of the best teams in the world all those years ago, yeah?"

"YEAH!!!"

"COME ON! LET'S SHOW THEM!!!"

The HC-Druidans and the mystery Druidans lined up alongside each other. The Hockey Canadian team looked pumped up and ready to take down their opponents, while the Druida team looked... well, they looked relaxed. Far too relaxed. As if they were barely moving. Then over the PA system...

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Hockey Canada and DRUUUUUIDAAA!"

The players strolled onto the pitch side by side, followed by the managers and officials. "This is going to be odd," thought Elmo. "Very weird indeed."

- - - - - - - -

On the Hockey Canadian bench were all the top officials of the DFA. Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov was sat alongside Frank Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Dai, Liam and Trefor Jones and Hockey Canada's usual caretaker manager Kyle Thomas.

Thomas was critical of the players the DFA had found. "That guy in midfield. What is he supposed to do?"

Elmo defended him. "He's supposed to play football. And he looks to be doing OK to us."

"But why do you need seven of them?"

"Look, they're Druidan. That's how Druidans play, OK?"

"OK, that goalkeeper you've got us. Not very strong, is he?"

"What do you mean, not very strong? He's supposed to keep the ball out of the net, not floor the opposition team!"

"Yeah, but what goalkeeper worth his salt doesn't knock a player out every now and again?"

"I didn't."

"And like you'd know about goalkeeping! I was Hockey Canada goalkeeper from the age of 14!"

"And how many times did you play in the World Cup final?"

"What? Oh, and I suppose you have, then?"

"Actually, yes, I have. World Cup 23. I've got the medal to prove it."

Elmo got his medal out.

"Well... um..."

That seemed to put Thomas in his place.

"Come on, get it cleared! Oh, it's another corner."

"See, if he just came out and flattened him..."

"Shut up!"

"I'm telling you, it's..."

"OUCHIE!"

"TOLD YOU!"

"There's three players down!"

The physios from each team ran onto the pitch as two players in Druida colours and one in Hockey Canada were laid on the ground. The Hockey Canada player, Evans, was first to his feet, but only when the physio turned to the bench to signal that a substitute would be needed.

Then the physio moved on to treat the other Druida player that was down.

"Are you OK?"

"I've... got a... hole!"

"A hole? Surely you mean a cut or a wound?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Let me have a look."

The physio took a look at the Druida player where he said the hole was, and, sure enough, there was a hole in the player's chest. Not a cut or a broken bone or anything, but an actual hole. With... wires... coming out...

"Um... I think I should leave your team's medical staff to see to that." he said in shock as he ran from the field of play.

- - - - - - - -

The clock was ticking down to the last few minutes of the game...

"There's no way we're going to hang on. They're not human! They don't even look tired!"

"Well, why don't we take young Trefor Tyler off. I've been telling you all game how much of a waste of space he is."

"He's staying on, OK!?!?!"

"Why."

"Because... wait, go on Mike!"

Hockey Canada's Mike Lloyd was through on goal.

"Go on... FOUL! SEND HIM OFF REFEREE!"

Druida's last defender had mis-timed the tackle on Lloyd, bringing him crashing to the ground. The referree sent the Druidan defender off.

"Right, now you're going to see why Tyler's in the team."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Watch this!"

The fuss around the edge of the penalty area started to settle, the Druida wall lined up and Tyler lined up the free-kick.






"YEEEEESSSSS!"

"ONE-NIL!"

"Come on Druida!!!"

Thomas looked up at Elmo.

"Sorry... Hockey Canada!"

"That's better!"

"Look, we are not Hockey Canadian. We just have to play for you so that we can get our homeland back. I'm sure you you wouldn't begrudge us that."

"If it means you won't get involved in my team's affairs any more, I'm all for it."

"Well, nice to have your support!"

"Welcome to Tynelian Morning News with Steven Bancroft. I'm your host Jim Adams and today we have Tynelian soccer player-coach Jay Masterson with us. Welcome to the show Jay."

"Thanks Jim, great to be here."

"Its very nice of you to take time from your busy schedule as you try to push Tynelia into the World Cup as a coach this time not a player Jay. If you don't make it this time will you try atgain at 50?"

"Well Jim, hopefully it won't come to that, we are four points clear of fourth right now after yesterday's big win on the road. With NMS stumbling and none of the other teams in the group really stepping up this looks like it might be our year."

"We can certainly hope so there Jay. Though it would be kind of ironic that the year you've had the least input on the field may be the one where you qualify."

"Yeah, the kids are already talking about the pace of things picking up without my wheelchair out there. Course they only say that because they don't want me adding to my all time scoring lead."

"But you haven't stepped onto the field yet this Cup why is that?"

"Well as much as i hate to say it i know i lost a step or two at my age. I can't keep running up and down trhe field and keep up with the kids out there for any long periods of time. All our matches have been decided by a goal at most. No time for the 'Old Man' to get out there."

"How do you feel about the team's responce to the upset loss to the Great Monty Python? That really seemed to hurt at the time."

"Yeah that was a tough one for us. But we've bounced back nicely with a couple of wins to take over third. Not sure how GMP will be able to sustain their run but i think if we paly the way we can we'll be there this time."

"And what then Jay?"

"Well Jim if that happens i will guarentee you that one of our starters is going to be sitting when the first match takes place and the Old Man is going to start. Of course by the ten minute mark i might be calling for the oxygen mask on the sidelines and sending them back in but dammit Jim i'm a soccer player not a wallflower. There's not a person in Tynelia that's going to be upset with my getting a few minutes on the field in the cup proper."

"Well i think i can agree with that Jay. Its been said that after this cup you'll be the first Tynelian nominated to the World Cup hall of fame."

"Really, i hadn't heard that Jim. That would be a huge honor if that's true. To see that my efforts for our international soccer team means that much to my countrymen and women. Its a heady experience i have to tell you if it works out like that. But that can't be my concern right now. For now i have to worry about getting this team to our first World Cup, and so far we're doing pretty well."

"Ok Jay that's all the time we have. Thanks for joining us here Coach and good luck to you and the team and hopefully we'll all get to see Jay Masterson stepping onto a World Cup match field very soon."

"I'd like that too Jim. Thanks for letting me stop by."

"Anytime Jay."

It was at halftime when Andrew asked himself an obvious question. What was he doing as a defender? He'd gotten more action than he had for a while, but nobody had scored on either team. And that was rather boring.

Not that he needed to be a forward: the examples his teammates had set made him glad to be anything but. He didn't need individual recognition, but didn't exactly crave success for the team. Maybe he was like Roger, just an apathetic middler.

Secure in his cynicism, he took the field for the second half, playing more offensively. Lawrence joined him, and Rube dropped back.

Twelve minutes in, he had an opportunity. It was an angled shot, but he put all he had into it. Blazing past a dodging Steven, it surprised Simon Ryne, who tried to deflect it and take the credit, but that didn't happen. Bouncing off the goalpost diagonally opposite where Andrew had shot from, it turned in past the keeper for the only goal of the game.

e-Lipogram Layout Room
"Carol On, isn't it?"

"No, that's what Christians do on Boxing Day."

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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EASY VICTORY FOR CAFUNDÉU AT HOME

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Becão scored the second goal of the team

After two very difficult games against The Archregimancy and Ariddia, when Cafundéu got two points, the Monopolists could return to the path of victories defeating the weak team of Houersteinzer by the result of 3x0. The team dominated the whole match and could put the ball where it wanted. A confusion happened during the last minutes of the game and three players were arrested after the game, but later they were freed.

With this result, Cafundéu remains in the third position with one loss and two draws, but still in a difficult situation, needing to continue winning to keep the position. So, the team is expecting another victory in the next game against Algal States, away. After that, they’ll play the last game of the first games in the qualifiers, against Tanah Burung.

THE GAME
The only result that interested the home team was the victory, so Franz Braddock decided to make the team very offensive for that. Houersteinzer’s players didn’t work hard in the game, and they didn’t stop most of Cafundéu plays. Cafundéu had good goal chances, but start to miss too many of them. In the tenth minute, Heitor appeared alone in the area, received a pass from Brahma and shot, but over the bar.

Cafundéu continued attacking, and reaching the opponent’s area easily. Ray Kirs ran to the left wing, dribbled and opponent and crossed to the area. Anormal headed, but the ball hit the post and went wide. After twenty minutes of game, the only things that stopped Cafundéu from scoring a goal were the missed chances and the goalkeeper of Houersteinzer, who stopped three great chances of goal.

After that, the visitors finally started to create chances for them. The first one was with an attacker, who dribbled Wantuirso and invaded the area. He shot, the ball hit Vandick and Vargas saved. Cafundéu replied with Priotto, who shot from outside the area. The goalkeeper of Houersteinzer made a good save. Clearly the game wasn’t so easy for Cafundéu as it was in the first minutes.

But, in the end of the first half, Cafundéu scored the goal. Anormal took the ball from an opponent in the midfield and ran to the entrance of the area. Ganz Ijak received a perfect pass inside the area and shot to the goal. The goalkeeper hit the ball, but couldn’t avoid the goal. The first half ended and the result was 1x0 for Cafundéu. Read Breno Gavião:

“Why we have so many difficulties to score? Look, one more chance, let’s see if we can scorrrrre in this one. Anorrrrrmal, grrrrreat pass to Ganz Ijak, look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! This one you must see in the rrrrreplay! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Houersteinzer zero!”

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Cafundéu had many goal chances

For the second half, no changes were made, and both teams returned to play with the same style. In the first minutes, Cafundéu controlled the ball, waiting for the right moment to attack, as Houersteinzer had some chances on counterattacks in the last minutes of the first half. The first chance was for the visitors, when a midfielder shot from outside the area, but the ball went over the bar.

But soon Cafundéu could use all the ability of its players to score the second goal. Kliek took a corner kick and Becão jumped and headed the ball to score the goal. After the goal, Kliek left the game and Kimball entered in his place. More chances were seen, one good with Priotto, who shot from outside the area, but sent the ball for the supporters in the stadium. Read Breno Gavião’s comments about the goal:

“Corrrrrnerrrrr kick! Kliek takes it, the ball flies through the arrrrrea, who will head it! Look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! There is the replay! Becão, number four! Cafundéu two, Houersteinzer zero!”

After the goal, Cafundéu could relax and just control the ball to avoid suffering a goal. The coach made changes to reinforce the defense, and the team started to attack less, or using the wings, or in counterattacks. Houersteinzer was lost in the game and couldn’t create anymore. In this situation, Cafundéu scored the goal. Heitor received the ball and shot. The goalkeeper saved, but Ganz Ijak took the rebound and shot to score the last goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“We are rrrrreaching the last minutes of the game, and Cafundéu will prrrrrobably win. Houersteinzer loses the ball, Cocada starts the counterrrrrattack. Heitor, he drrrrribbles and opponent, shoots... look at the goal! No, the goalkeeper saved! Now Ganz will take the rrrrrebound.... look at the goal, look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Where is the replay? Ah, herrrrre he is! Cafundéu three, Houersteinzer zero!”

In the last minutes, confusion. A defender of Houersteinzer discussed with Heitor. Both received yellow cards. After that, the same defender punched Heitor, who fell unconscious on the ground. Cafézinho immediately ran to the defender and punched him too. Other players were involved in the confusion, and the police had to stop the confusion. In the end, Heitor left the game and Cafundéu couldn’t substitute him, as the team had already done the three changes, and four red cards were shown. After the game, two defenders of Houersteinzer and the right-back Cafézinho were arrested.

After the game, Cafézinho commented about the confusion: “I saw everything. That idiot punched Heitor when he turned his back to him. Coward. I came to defend my friend, and got involved in the confusion. But I think that I did the right thing. Heitor probably won’t play the next game because of that.” Priotto talked with the media too: “It’s a sad thing. Many reporters say that I’m a violent person, but I never did something like that. That coward attacked Heitor while he wasn’t expecting this. This is absurd.”

The attacker Ganz Ijak, who scored two goals in the game, talked with us too: “I thought that I would comment about the performance of the team, and mine, as I scored twice. But then this situation happened... I don’t know what to say, I’m still shocked. I hope Heitor is okay.” The coach, who still is angry with the media, said: “No comments. I’ll only say things related to the goals and plays.”

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Cafézinho was arrested after the game

CAFUNDÉU 3X0 HOUERSTEINZER

Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux.
Attendance: 60,000 people (full).
Referee: Najor Livas (Yafor 2).
MOTM: Ganz Ijak (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Cafézinho 72’), Becão, Wantuirso and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto (Cocada 80’), Brahma and Kliek (Kimball 60’); Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/houersteinzer.png HOUERSTEINZER: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Ganz Ijak 39’/82’ , Becão 57’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Algal States: Vargas, Vandick, Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Brahma and Kimball; Heren Ijak and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Goran Jolly (Spaam).

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Goalscorers after 7 games:

7- G. Ijak
3- Renário and Heitor
2- Anormal and R. Kliek
1- J. Kimball and Becão

BE CALM TELEVISION: COMMENTS ABOUT THE LAST TWO GAMES
Commentated by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Verônica Branus
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

DR. SAMPAIO: “Once again we’ll talk about two games in only one program. This time, Estresse Intenso played against Yafor two and Etres Vrais and got three points. So, we’ll make small comments about these games. And with me, the commentator, Doctor Verônica Branus!”

DR. BRANUS: “Thanks, Santiago. We have two interesting games, and we did well in take three points. But I’m worried with just one thing: our team is too irregular. In one game we are impressive, but in another we are very poor. But, anyway, we are doing a good campaign until now.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Thanks. So let’s start with the first game, against Yafor two. Playing away, our attackers didn’t perform well and the home team could win the game by the result of two against zero. Their defense was well built and they could stop most of our attacks. What do you say, Verônica?”

DR. ZEMEK: “A expected result. Yafor two is a better team and they deserved the three points. We even played well, but we weren’t able to change the result. Unfortunately, but it was a fair game. Our defense had a good game, but our attackers didn’t, even Gabalán wasn’t playing well. The coach commented”:

“It was a very difficult game, and in the end we couldn’t get a point against the strong team of Yafor two. But it wasn’t a bad game for us in terms of performance, as the defense played well.”

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Ponte tries to score

YAFOR 2 2x0 ESTRESSE INTENSO

Place: unknown stadium, in Yafor 2.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Hicto Sheb Drekar (Wentland).
MOTM: Viriatlo Manga (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png YAFOR 2: Juile, Nivor, Dalermo, N’ver (Federof 55’) and Riegan; Nuverlu (Boley 91’), Klienta, Fraten and Juhan; Velastros and Obakale (Listhis 45’).
Coach: Lisa Simpson.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Flores; Sardinha (Monteiro 45’), Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo (Mendes 66’); Ponte Pênsil and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

Goals:YAF: Velastros 64’ , Juhan 87’.

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DR. SAMPAIO: “Now we’ll talk about the game against Etres Vrais. A good performance of our team, who could defeat the opponent team by the result of four against one. It was a very offensive game, and a game where Gabalán didn’t play very well too. Scored only a goal after a penalty kick. What are your thoughts?”

DR. BRANUS: “Indeed a very offensive game, with both teams trying to win anyway. But with the help of the supporters we could defeat them. Once again Gabalán wasn’t well, but he can return to a good form soon, I hope. Another interesting fact is that we started the game losing, so we had a good reaction power. See the comments of the coach”:

“Our supporters really made the difference. Start a game losing isn’t a good thing, but we were able to win this one. Now we are in the fifth place, and maybe we can finish the group in a very good position.”

http://img473.imageshack.us/img473/7906/wc94016einy1.jpg
Bogdan before scoring his goal

ESTRESSE INTENSO 4x1 ETRES VRAIS

Place: Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 48,998,210 people (less than half of Landau Institute patients) – using a special room.
Referee: Eugène Desnoyer (Commerce Heights).
MOTM: Bogdan Nejmanovski (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré (Antunes 80’), Manga, Godói and Flores (Bergue 68’); Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes and Bogdan; Gabalán (Ponte Pênsil 55’).
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/etres_vrais.png ETRES VRAIS: no team released.

Goals:EIT: Dumitrache 30’ , Dos Alpes 32’ , Bogdan 51’ , Gabalán 54’.
ETV: Attacker 16’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIT – next game’s formation: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Bergue; Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Michael Barney (Nedalia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 games:

7- C. Gabalán
2- Bogdan and V. Dos Alpes
1- A. Dumitrache and F. Ponte Pênsil

Elven Times
Oops

Soo, power outage knocks out our coverage for two weeks, and what a strange two weeks it was. Coming off an unimpressive one all draw, where Justinian Constant had to play hero in injury time, the squad packed their bags, and headed to the heathen nation of bastards, otherwise known as Northern Caesera. If Elune be strong, then the teams were supposed to come home extremely pleased, and stun the Bettia side with a draw, or perhaps even an impressive win. It seems, Elune has her strength, just not enough to hold back the radiative decaying blasphomey evil powers of Meliki. Yeah, the Marauders did pillage the backwards vermin of the Caeserans, but were fell in one clean swoop by Bettia at home to the call of three to one.

The Bettians clear overpowered the Marauders in every facet of the game, and it might be that the squad had too much to drink after their glorious triumph over the filth of the Northers. Whatever it be, the squad is in dire straights as it closes down the first half of qualifying. Yet due to the quacky schedule set up, the squad will get to feast on the dying squads of Lovisa and Collonie, likely putting them tied for fourth with Kelssek heading into the second leg. The squad needs a turn around desperately, and will need some other squads to falter, namely Bettia, Bostopia, and/or Kelssek in order to achieve their hopes of qualifying. It is rumored that if the squad does not make it, that the ESC plans to make a bid on hosting the following Cup of Harmony, perhaps with hopes of getting a track record in case of making a bid for future Cups.

Article by Luna Santapa

[Lyle] Hello, and welcome, to Matchnight Bostopia! Well, let’s get straight to the action, there’s a lot to show! We join Ty Avery and Byron Conway, for Collonie’s home game, against Bostopia!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/collonie.png versus http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png
COLLONIE VERSUS BOSTOPIA

[Avery] Hello! We're in Collonie for Bostopia's game here, and here we come with the line-up.

GK: Dave KRIPP (Fort Boston FC)

DR: Craig HART (Irringvale Borough) DC: Gary YOUNG (Osling United) DC: Manfred HARRICK (Fenton FC) DL: Neill FREAT (Bassingdale City)

MR: Dan REPPON (Fort Boston FC) MC: Steven SERRING (Fort Boston FC) MC: Andy PERRAR (Rolida FC) ML: Rob KRIPP (Port Flamerty FC)

SC: Jamie TRENT (Fenton FC) Ian KRAFT (Glenrock Athletic)

Subs: GK: Greg HEARN (Henrikstad FC) DC: Matt LAWFOLD (Prussingberg FC) DLRC: Nigel PEART (Riikenberg FC) MLRC: Gary MAFF SC: Brandon DINGAER (Monham United)

[Avery] It looks like Collonie are ready to kick off, so here we go for what should be an entertaining game.

11th Minute

[Avery] Hearn passes the ball out of the box to Young. He dribbles the ball forward, plays it right to Reppon. Reppon feeds the ball inside and finds Serring from thirty yards OUUUUUUUUUUUUT! ONE NIL BOSTOPIA! HE’S PELTED THAT BALL INTO THE BOTTOM – LEFT CORNER WITH A LOW, FIRECRACKER OF A DRIVE!

[Conway] Great buildup play, passing the ball in a 3 pass counter attack, the goal’s been a while coming, we’ve looked strong from the outset, but there we are.

[Avery] Better late than never, eh?

[Conway] Ja for sure.

17th Minute

[Avery] Serring dispossesses the midfielder halfway inside Collonie’s half, comes forward, and he plays a high ball over the Collonie defense for TREEEEEEEEENT! YES! A RIGHT FOOT VOLLEY INTO THE TOP-LEFT CORNER! TWO! NIL! BOSTOPIA!

[Conway] Great, great goal! The keeper made a big mistake in not coming for it though; he could have, and should have collected that.

42nd Minute

[Avery] Corner comes in from Serring, Young looks to get his head up amid the jostling…Oh he’s gone down! PENALTY! The referee is quite rightly saying he got pushed in the back…and it’s a yellow card for the player in question.

[Conway] Certain penalty, it wasn’t right under the refs nose but it might as well have been, right in the referees field of view.

[Avery] And up steps Jamie Trent to take the penalty, the first in any of Bostopia’s qualification matches…and it’s in! Three nil!

[Conway] Well taken penalty, always rising to the top-right corner. The keeper went the right way, but gravity got the better of him.

47th Minute

[Conway] And at half time, the score is Collonie 0 – 3 Bostopia

54th Minute

[Avery] Harrick passes the ball left to Neill Freat, who plays the ball square to Serring. Serring left to Rob Kripp of Port Flamerty FC…Kripp plays a ball to the feet of Kraft, who weaves past two defenders, one on the keeper and SCORES! The keeper came out, and Kraft chipped the ball delightfully into the net! Wonderful goal, wonderful play, wonderful scoreline, this could be a record folks, as long as Bostopia don’t concede, the score is four – nil Bostopia!

[Conway] Oh no complaints there with the goal…the away fans are loving this, it’s Bostopia at it’s perfection. And here come three subs…Maff on for Serring, Lawfold for Harrick, and Peart on for Craig Hart.

71st Minute

[Avery] We’re into the last twenty minutes of the game. Maff cuts out the pass in midfield, comes forward, plays it right to the advancing Peart who’s come up from right-back, charging down the right flank, puts a cross in to TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT! GOAL! FIVE NIL BOSTOPIA! A WICKED BICYCLE KICK AND A HATTRICK!

[Conway] Perfection against belief for the Fighting Geesemonkies! The record has grown now!

74th Minute

[Avery] TRENT! Oh! Great save by the ‘keeper, and he’s tipped it round the post, corner to Bostopia.

[Conway] And over comes Maff to take it left footed from the right hand side…he crosses the curling ball away from and then towards goAAAAAAAAL! IT’S IN! GOAL! IN! MAFF SCORES DIRECT FROM THE CORNER! Well, that was something new! A penalty, AND a goal direct from a corner for Bostopia! Glory!

92nd Minute

[Avery] Another corner to Bostopia late in the game, Maff to take again, this time from the left. He swings the ball out away from goal to be met by YOUUUUUUUNG! SEVEN TO BOSTOPIA! This is totally unprecedented but a marvel, a display of power and prowess!

[Conway] The fans are loving this, absolutely loving it! Wonderful header by Young into the top-right corner!

93rd Minute

[Avery] That’s it, that’s the game, it’s all over. Bostopia have won and set a new record, with a final score of Collonie Nil, Bostopia Seven!

[Lyle] Well, well, what a game for the Fighting Geesemonkies, and parties are still going on now we’re told. We’ll be back with more football action right after the break.

“Good afternoon, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the lobby of the Great Cathedral. On behalf of the Assegai Developments Sports Network, I extend an apology for our lack of coverage of the Qazox match. Whether it was intentional or not, Qazox authorities did not allow us to transmit anything over the air from their nation, and, subsequently we were blacked out. We weren’t even allowed to transmit email with the match report.

“Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to report anyhow, as the Riskbreakers were promptly put in their place 0-3, suffering their worst loss of this qualifying run. As much as this rivalry has been pumped up, it must be said that for a true rivalry to exist, it must go both ways. Until now, Qazox has dominated this so-called ‘rivalry,’ which has time and time again just proven to showcase the most embarrassing aspects of Assegai football.

“Nonetheless, Assegai bounced back by pounding out their frustrations on an unfortunate Cluichstan squad, whose supporters were monitored by a massive display of the Valendia Knights of the Peace, Assegai’s military/police force, which brought out armored personnel carriers and attack copters to patrol a one-mile radius of Cathedral Park.

“On the field, it was all Assegai, as the Riskbreakers completely dominated the flow of the match, massing 24 shots on goal by the end. Four of those found their mark, however, and that unleashed loud celebrations that reverberated throughout renovated Cathedral Park.

“Assegai fans didn’t have to wait long at all, with Severus Snape slicing up the field, right after the kick off, and surprised the Cluichstan keeper with a shot drilled by him for the very early 1-0 lead in the first minute.

“12 minutes later, forward Samantha Neesa scored the first of her two goals after taking two defenders to the touch line, dribbling between them, faking a centering pass and shooting to the near post for the 2-0 lead.

“Sidney Losstarot put the game out of reach in the 59th minute, scoring off a penalty kick after he was brought down on a corner kick attempt. Neesa added the final nail in the coffin 20 minutes later, receiving a neat throughball from midfielder Alys Spicer. Although the Steamed Crabs claimed she was offside, the ref let the play go and Neesa chipped a shot over the charging keeper, for the fourth and final goal of the game.”

“As the game drew closer to the final whistle, the Cluichstan supporters became increasingly rowdy and raucous. However, before the VKP had to step in, Assegai supporters converged on their area and quelled their attempts to riot. The VKP just watched in anticipation of anything that might get out of hand, but at the end, the Cluichstan supporters were escorted off the field surrounded by the VKP and a huge mob of Assegai supporters making threatening chants.

“Hours later, the VKP reported only a few isolated incidents of puppies kicked in the head or of Assegai women being groped—and liking it.”

As she finishes, we see Alys and Samantha next to her.

“After the disappointment at Qazox, it must’ve been refreshing to come back so strongly,” Mikaela tells them.

“Mos def,” says Alys. “However, it still doesn’t remove the stink of our loss to Qazox. Still, four goals are four goals, and with Akihiko getting the clean sheet, it made for a good night for our supporters, who helped us control the crazy Cluichstan crowd.”

“I’m just glad we didn’t lose at home and that our supporters were so tolerant of theirs,” says Samantha. “Despite the score, I’m still a bit frustrated. I think we could have put 10 goals past the Steamed Crabs!”

“By the way, we’d like to say that we’re very proud of the progress of the Fort Europe squad,” says Alys. “As a member of Matata Wanderers of Fort Europe’s Commonwealth League, I know a lot of the people on that team. They’re all quality players.”

“Yeah,” chirps Samantha. “We know them very well from our region, The YoungWorld. They’re good players who’re very honest. We’re also cheering for our neighbors to the south, Turruth Gordur, our good buddies at Random Toast—except when they play us—and, yes, even those crazy elves from E.S.F. We’d like to send a shoutout to them from everyone on the Assegai Developments squad!”

The girls wave and blow kisses at the camera.

“Well, ladies, thanks for your time,” says Mikaela as they walk off. “Fans, we’ll be back later with a pre-game report of Assegai’s next match, versus surprising newcomers Quintessence of Dust. Until then, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

Match Summary

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 4
(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cluichstan.png Cluichstan 0

[AD]
Severus Snape (1’)
Samantha Neesa (13’, 79’)
Sidney Losstarot (59’ PK)

[CLU]
None

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

The Goals Keep Coming

Squornshelous has now scored as many goals in their last two matches as they did in the first five. The Pschychoes seem to have been shaken into wakefulness by the firing of manager pavel Andreev and are producing the kind of numbers we're used to seeing. They've risen to a more respectable two goals per match, and have still only allowed two, tied with the very surprising team from Bostopia for best defense in qualifying at this point. The Pschychoes recorded their fourth win all-time against the Turori Eels, and did so in style. Turori, who are having some trouble finding points, looked off balance and unfocused, against a Pschychoes team who finally found their rhythm last match. Squornshelous controlled the pace and held the ball for about 65% of the match. Jaromil Ctibor and Patrik Hermanni scored for the Pschychoes, with Hermanni notching two. Patrik is one of the players who was not producing earlier for Squornshelous, but he's back with a veangance, with 3 goals in two matches.
Next up are the apparantly radically religious Schorteskatascansolanis. We're unsure exactly what to expet from them. We're not worried about the sort of religious torture they subjected the team from Atheistic Right to. The Squornshelan government takes no stance on religion, and allows its citizens to do whatever they please in that respect. Still, we of the Squornshelan FA want to make it absolutely clear that anyone not directly associated with the Pschychoes or the SFA will not be permitted into the team's locker room, with the exception of liscensed and pre-approved members of the press.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Turori

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 5
Latvala: 3
Hermanni: 3
Jalmari: 1
Armin: 1
Petchukov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD6: Altanar 4-1 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous 3-0 Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

World Cup Qualifying – MD7

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Delesa http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/delesa.png
1:2 (1:1)


Match Report:

Elkheart, Acapais – After the seventh World Cup Qualifying game in the group, Acapais was defeated by Delesa 1-2 on Monday. The loss leaves Acapais in 7th place in group 6 and Casari is winning the group thus far with 15 points from seven games.

The match started at a quickened pace and Acapan captain Shane Murphy scored off a corner kick from Van Savage. Delesa scored less than 10 minutes later by passing it through Dickenson’s legs. The first half ended at an even 1-1.

There was an incident in the second half where the Delesa forward had an obvious goal scoring opportunity and was brought down just outside the Acapan 18. Nick McKellar was sent-off in the 52nd minute. The Delesa advantage proved worth while because they were rewarded the game winner in the 81st minute. A well deserved victory for Delesa

Scoring:
Acapais – Murphy (Van Savage) 25
Delesa – ? 34
Delesa – ? 81

Booking:
Acapais – Nick McKellar (Send-off; Serious foul play) 52

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 – Robert Hernandez) 56
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (16 – Jacob Peyton) 63
8 - Alex McKellar (15 – Graham Atwater) 71
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose



-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais Starblaydia Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12322892&postcount=84)
Acapais MD1 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12321952&postcount=70)
Acapais MD2 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12325406&postcount=116)
Acapais MD3 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12331926&postcount=183)
Acapais MD4 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12335932&postcount=224 )
Acapais MD5 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12339249&postcount=245)
Acapais MD6 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12343800&postcount=290)
Acapais MD7 Report

“Good afternoon, Assegai football fans. This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cathedral Park to give you the pre-game report of the Assegai Developments vs. Quintessence of Dust match.

“Despite being newcomers on the international scene, Quintessence of Dust has quickly notched several upsets and looms as a viable threat to Assegai’s World Cup qualifying chances. However, if you ask any player on the Assegai squad, they make no distinction between the weak and strong teams of NationStates football.

“Nonetheless, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga will be fielding a modified squad for this match, as evidenced by the starting lineup he released today:

Goaltender
#3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Forwards
#9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
#18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms FC)

“Making their first starts of this qualifying phase are: Merlose at keeper, Guildenstern and Rowe at defense, Denys at midfield, and Saint-Émilion, de Cobham and Ursula Goode on attack.

“Zúniga stated that he feels some of his starters need a rest, and that some of those on the bench also earned their starts, adding that anybody on his team could be in the starting 11 on any given day, and he feels that this squad will prove that.

“If Assegai defeats Quintessence of Dust, it will place the team in a good position for their next two matches against No. 26 Vilita and the rematch with No. 1 Krytenia.

“For now, however, the focus is on the task at hand, and getting past this test. For now, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off. We’ll see you again after the game!”

Upcoming Match

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quintessence_of_dust.png Quintessence of Dust

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Coach laments 'frustrating' performance

Missing their captain, Theodore Littlefellow, with an ankle injury from their battering at the hands of Krytenia, and low on collective morale, the Quodites faced Cuation, tipped as one to watch prior to the performance but thus far having registered only the most tepid of presences, in full knowledge that a second consecutive defeat could prove disastrous. They avoided that ignominy thanks to Jessica Jensen's first international goal, but the draw they scratched out was of only the barest consolation.

Afterwards, coach Jeremy Dixon admitted it was not good enough. "We were lacklustre: there were three points for the taking, if only we'd showed up. Obviously, it was good to get something out of it, but it's still disappointing, and certainly not ideal for the tribulations to come. Very frustrating."

The game itself was played in the most drab of spirits, with few chances at either ends, and a visibly disinterested crowd resorting to ritual sacrifice to keep themselves entertained. Quintessence of Dust were shocked by an early goal and two bookings, one for stand-in captain Dino Achten and one for keeper Winchester Furman, but recovered to round out the half with the lion's share of possession.

It still took them a further twenty minutes to equalise, with one of the few series of passes they managed to string together culminating in a neat one-two between Jensen and Rogers, the former blasting home the return ball. It was her most promising performance in a Quodite jersey, and she produced the only really noteworthy performance of the match, coloured by a needless booking for a shove. Freddy Renard picked up the fourth yellow card, earning him a suspension for the next match, no doubt further cause for fret for Dixon.

Other players put in notably underpar showings. Neither Roger Longhorn nor Dennis Young appeared especially interested in getting any attacks going, and Benvolio Azzinio did not make the most of his opportunity to start; he will probably play in Renard's place on the right next game. Rogers played determinedly but succumbed to several critical lapses of judgment. The defence was more solid, but still allowed too many dangerous balls to be played around in front of them, although Charles Williams did not look overworked in the solo centreback position.

Meanwhile, the news on Littlefellow's recovery does not look good. At the least, he will be sitting out a further two games, and there has been some suggestion he will need surgery, in which case it seems implausible he will feature much at all in the coming qualifying games. The QFA has been curiously reticent to describe the exact nature of the injury. The blow is pronounced not only as he is the captain, but also that he had seemed to have at last risen to the challenge of filling in the left midfield spot, traditionally something of a hot seat.

With Assegai Developments beating Cluichstan comfortably, former group leaders Quintessence of Dust slid to fourth place, falling out of the automatic qualifying zone, although they are currently ranked joint top in the play-off pool with Kelssek. Gaining a point in either of the coming matches would be a major result, but defeats do seem to beckon, particularly against Qazox, whose superlative unbeaten record continues.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Bandit Vandalizes Holy Empire, Cookesland

GRAHAM CITY - Two months into The Bandit's tenure as manager of the Galaxy, he has produced two amazing victories, one of which ranks as perhaps the single most emphatic victory ever recorded by the national team of The Lowland Clans. The first victory, over the Holy Empire, was done just two weeks after taking over the Galaxy with a new look squad including six new callups and the dropping of keeper Jensen Liptings and Deca Joao Deninho, no one is really sure what the squad would look like or how it would do. But the Galaxy surprised everyone by coming out on fire, scoring two goals within ten minutes. While new keeper Julian Edgar couldn't stop a rifling shot from Nicholas Pselluso, captain Silas McGinney finished off the Empire in the sixtieth minute. Four days later, the Galaxy came confident into Cookesland and proceeded to stack up the heads of the defenders and keeper on the metaphorical pikes, with only just two goals in the first half, the Galaxy exploded with four goals in twenty minutes two coming from Cristiano Toldo and another two from Amalido Jeoira. The domination was so thorough that Henry Delvin came on as a keeper after Edgar was fouled and could not continue. The game finished with confidence once again high in the Galaxy camp that they might actually be able to qualify for the World Cup.

The Bandit though, has done more than produce results. He's already streamlined the selection and scouting process, begun organizing a series of youth camps and clubs that will serve as a scouting ground for new talent that would feed into the Galaxy' U19 and U21 squads. He's also begun to work with assistant manager Gavin Doliaque and Iska Djukashenki to promote a strong domestic football league and increasing the competition with foreign leagues. Creek has begun liasing with the Bazalonian FA, and other squads within Bazalonia to bring top Bazalonian players and coaches to train with the Allied States. He's also deftly handled some of the internal crises. He convinced Silas McGinney to accept the captains armband back again, and display skill and diplomacy when dealing with some of the players and their horrible performances recently. "He's done an amazing job bringing this team back together again," said Daniel Davies in a recent interview. "We have shown that we have made the correct choice in bringing him in."

So now with the Galaxy only five points back of the Holy Empire and coming on with such force that teams beware, it's entirely possible that they could reach second place in the group, salvaging what has been a disastrous qualifying campaign. Still though, much work needs to be done, both domestically and internationally before the Galaxy can once again truly be called one of the most dangerous squads in the world.

From the desk of Draco Glaurung:

Nothing much to report on the last two matches, although I must admit that after the loss to Spruitland, I fell asleep on the team charter back to Ered Lithui and forgot to post a match report. By the way, in case anybody is wondering, the reporter who follows our team recently declared that our disappointing play has prompted him to only report our victories and not our losses. Considering that, as newcomers to NationStates football, we’re currently being hazed by the tougher squads, we won’t be seeing much of him. I did score a superb goal in the 59th minute against Oliverry. I wish he could have reported on that. Oh, well. Up next for us is Haraki, a team ranked No. 65 in NationStates. Maybe we can pull off an upset. It still isn’t the same without our manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad. I hope he’s doing well in his Casari prison. Well, since I’m in charge, I’m releasing the roster that will face Haraki.

GK: Gorbag Madril –– Assegai Developments F.C. (Assegai Developments)

DF: Boldog Gothmog –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
DF: Varg Vikernes –– TBA
DF: Huldah Sangria –– TBA
DF: Ash Nazg –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)

MF: Uglúk Dramborleg –– TBA
MF: Shagrat Grishnákh –– TBA
MF: Magda the Forsaken –– TBA

AF: Gromper Grîpper –– TBA
AF: Draco Glaurung –– Cathedral Spooks D.C. (Assegai Developments) Captain
AF: Dagor Bragollach –– F.C. Capri (Elves Security Forces)

There are two changes I will note. Due to the lack of goals, I have switched a formation from a 4-4-2 to a 4-3-3. I put Snagda Laduf on the bench for this one and I’m giving forward Gromper Grîpper, his first international cap. We expect great things from Grîpper, who is sure to be the No. 1 pick in the Assegai Professional League draft.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/haraki.png Haraki =VS= Turruth Gordur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png

Interview of the Sikenian Daily with Asaikivelemanakere Ralaseletikivenemaratede

Reporter: Hejida tahoj! Was this night a short one?
Asaikivelemanakere Ralaseletikivenemaratede: Hejida. No, I think the time between dusk and dawn was rather normal.
Reporter: In terms of sleep, I mean... there are rumours that the team and you let the sloth fly till the morning.
AR: And these are just rumours. We all were in bed at 4 am.
Reporter: What would you think about the match against Swilatia?
AR: If it's a victory all is great! I would not like to spoil that for my team. I know some things need to be improved, but this is something I will not discuss in public.
Reporter: There was an attempt to karelize the team in the match against Nebuleux, were you scared this time?
AR: I had a va'takil with me, I would not want to say that I was scared, I was cautious. The karelan monks are worse than Christian missionaries.
Reporter: How so?
AR: Christians don't use magic. I think Christianity is a conspiracy to remove magic from this world.
Reporter: This is an interesting viewpoint...
AR: Most monotheistic religions have a hard stance against magic. I can not understand how people fail to see the power, the science of magic has on us.
Reporter: yet you call yourself an atheist...
AR: I think these powers are like natural laws. And I belive in those.
Reporter: I see, back to soccer, do you think goalie Hara Utiu has chances to come with the team to Quakmybush or Az-Cz?
AR: this is highly doubtable, especially after this match, I mean, look how he failed to save that shot of Rycerski'he... I normally don't wash dirty laundry in public, but utiu'he hardly justifies the confidence I have in him.
Reporter: talking about the tradition to test some players in the qualification, which analysts just shake their heads about... Who are you planning to promote to nationalteam honors?
AR: I think Sjene Hamiu or Natin Y have a good chance to appear in at least one match.
Reporter: Which Sjene Hamiu?
AR: There is just one worth mentioning. Everyone with knowledge of soccer should know him. smiles
Reporter: Now, what is your prediction in the match against Sel Appa?
AR: I predict a solid 3:1 victory for us.

The Daily Pinko
Beating them at their own game

The attempts of the Ornan government to leach political capital from the World Cup of football in which Quintessence of Dust is currently playing have been widely documented and even more widely mocked, but it appears they're not the only ones out to build new pulpits in stadia: and this effort is a lot less brazenly cynical.

The leading Quodite human rights advocacy group, Citizen Rights International (CRI), has kicked off a campaign to bring awareness to domestic violence issue, using the media attention on the football tournament. Called 'Give Domestic Violence The Red Card', the campaign will highlight the key parts of their ongoing efforts to tackle the problem, as well as collecting money for shelters, legal advice centres and other related organizations.

Feminist organizations have unexpectedly rallied behind football, traditionally seen as a male preserve, perhaps spurred on by Jessica Jensen's place in the national squad. And as they line up to support the campaign, they are making it clear that their issue is not with the sport. "It's not football that's the problem. Although there is circumstantial evidence of increased rates of domestic violence after football games, we're not complaining about football specifically. In fact, we're hoping footballers from around the world will support the campaign."

There are plans for the Quodite team to read a statement of support before their next home match, playing Qazox at the Surly Bison Stadium. Jensen herself has also appeared on promotional literature, literally kicking domestic violence out of the park, while other team members have spoken up. "We spend so much money on 'national defence', but what use is that if people aren't safe in their own homes?" said striker Dennis Young.

The main criticism of the campaign is likely to be from those sceptical of the ethics or value of mixing sports and political issues so blatantly. Fringe group The Masculinist Society has also announced its intention to boycott any protests, arguing the campaign is unfairly biased towards female victims, and makes too little mention of domestic violence suffered by men.

Fans of the BC Inc. comic books have been disheartened that there has yet been no official statement regarding a World Cup SuperDude Special Story, perhaps they have something secret up their hands or a just didn't have the creative needed. Either way this caused number of Fan Fiction Comics to start appearing on the internet.

The favourite topic of these fanfics was Andrew "The Bandit" Creek.



Panel 1: Andrew Creek, quite a good likeness of him actually, was sitting at his desk looking at a previous reports, he was obviously not happy as there was a frown and in large print it had The Lowland Clans Worst loss so far in the tournament.

Panel 2: The apparently new Assistant Manager (you didn't see his face) entered the room and stated with alarm and stated "The players are revolting". Where Andrew Creek replied "I know, leave it to 'The Bandit'

On the next line...

Panel 3: He quickly took off his business shirt to reveal a badly coloured but in the end apropriate super hero costume

Panel 4: The Bandit was racing down the stairs towards where the players were. Someone was passing with a pile of papers stacked to the extreme. While what happened to the pile was not shown it was certainly hinted at that it would all collapse. There was an infobox at the bottom "The Bandit raced with his extreme speed down to the revolting players."

Panel 5: Having Arrived he said "So, I hear that there is some discontent." a general murmer of "Aye" generated from the assembled mass, some of the players where actually recognisable.

Another line...

Panel 6: An info box containing the words "20 minutes later..." Everyone was shaking hands and smiles. " I'm glad we could get those problems sorted out." "So are we." said the crowd of Assembled players. "Well, I do believe it's time for training."

Panel 7: "A month later..." as in an InfoBox, Andrew Creek was once again sitting in his office, the latest report was a good one "AIF 1 - TLC 3" said the large print of a piece of paper. He had a smile and things obviously seemed to go well. and at the bottom another info box "The End"


This comic was obviously pro-Andrew Creek in the FFLC, however with some of his new initiatives involving the 'stealing' of Bazalonian players and coaches for the FFLC's domestic league, this obviously did not go down fully well with a number of people and so this next comic was about The Bandit, a supervillian.



Panel 1: This panel was set outside one of Bazalonia's most well known soccer Stadium, TeleBaz Stadium in Fauxhan. A Bus load of players and coach had pulled up on the side of the Bus you could make out a bit of "Drago FC". An info box was down the bottom. "The sun was shining and it was a perfect day for a soccer game."

Panel 2: The players started to enter TeleBaz however one player in particular looked up into the sky, A look of shock and slight horror was depicted on this generic player's face as he said "What, for the love of God, is that?" he said also point up into the sky

Panel 3: Others also looked up into the sky and shielded their eyes trying to see what it was "It's probably just a bird." said one player "No, it's a plane." "It can't be... Yes, it is. It's... It's...." said a third causing dramatic effect by making the reader go down to the next line to find out who it is.

A new line

Panel 4: "The Bandit. He's coming to steal us for FFLC! Flee!" everyone had had a look of horror as all the players, coaches and anyone even remotely connected to the team started to flee in horror.

Panel 5: "Haha, I'll get you." The Bandit said as he swooped down and picked up someone who looked like a medic " and you too as he continued to chase someone with a limp.

Another new line

Panel 6: The medic and the injured soccer player where now in The Bandit's grasp as he flew away presumably towards the lowland clans. As he left he said "I'll be back for more.. Bwhahahahaha"

Panel 7: Team had assembled back together an looked at a dot that was disappearing (presumably The Bandit) in the sky. "What are we going to do now? Who is going to save us from the Bandit?" There was no answer. an Infobox was listed at the bottom it said "The End??"

"Damnit, how come this flight is so long?"

"Well we're going to another region, not to mention a region that is quite far away from ours"

"So?"

"All that equals long plane flight"

"Ok, so what do we do when we get there"

"First we find the TV studios, then we get in"

"How?"

"Get in or find the studios?"

"Both"

"Ask people/look on a computer for finding and for getting in we're Milchamians I'm sure we can find someway around or through the security systems"

"Ok, then what?"

"We talk to and understand Milchama Banks"

"Sounds like a plan"

"Excellent, Go Cubs!"

"Oh shut up the Trolleys are much better"

Final Score:
Milchama 5 (Belmowitz 14, 55 Stockholm 26, Hansen 67)
East Lithuania 0 (We like Casari)

Demot Daily ~ Finding Your Footing

Three weeks of vacationing, and those silly editors forgot to assign another journalist to the coverage of the qualifiers. Thankfully I'm back, so fear not Demot, you shall not go without the coverage of the Dynamo any longer. I have to say that Fort Europe does not get the respect they deserve for such wonderful enviroments, and nice citizens, as I was treated as a VIP for my entire stay. I'll be rooting for those lads to qualify, that is if it doesn't force our own squad into the uncomfortable play off position that is. They are really great and nice folk, and they deserve all the best that can happen to a team on this long journey.

Soo, while I was gone, the Dynamo played some matches, three in fact, one each week while I was away. For the most part, the national team flexed their mighty muscle and showed why they believe they are on the road to the Proper once more, but the last match against The Holy Empire saw the Dynamo slip up and lose their undefeated record. The squad isn't alowed a repreive though, for the Schiavonia side is up on the agenda, who are clinging to their perfect record as it was made of gold. The squad is going have to fight desperately in the middle of the pitch if they are going to have a chance to knock off the Schias, with Masteron directing the control of pace. Get this done, and the Dynamo should have the offensive ability to spoil the Schiavonia undefeated season, and keep them above water in the hunt for direct qualifying.

When the Dynamo hosted Bartonstein, they dictacted the pace of play, and Masteron showed why Dogood trusts him as the captain of the squad, getting two of the three goals, and assisting on Ben's goal in injury time that clinched the result. The Bartons were ability to take one back in the seventy-third minute, and made it interesting, but the squad held up, and was ability to convert on the counter when Bartonstein had sent nine of the ten field players on the attack. Then the squad traveled to some unknown country called Cookesland, where the Dynamo just destroyed their national side. Masteron, Ben, Ysman, and Black all netted goals in the first half, and the squad just played keep away for the rest of the match. Then finally, the squad came back home to host the Holy Empire. It was imperitive that the Dynamo put out a decent result, seeing as how the Empire were just above them in the table and rank. The Dynamo got off to a great start, with Sans putting on a dribbling clinic, and nabbed herself a goal in the 31st minute, and then provided a star spectacular cross to starlet Ysman, who volleyed it by slumped AIF keeper. The second half started off on the wrong foot, with Nicholas Pselluso able to take the restart all the way and pushed one by a exapersted Orien. Things didn't get much better when Ysman came off the pitch holding her ankle after a collision with Manuel Comneno, Dogood putting in Maryweather in the lass' place. Andronicus Curcuaso was able to expose the misttimed offsides trap the backline tried to play, and deftly slotted one hard and low, too much for Orien to handle. Then as the injury time began to dwindle, poor Thorax muffed a clearing attempt, and Orien could only look in despair as the own goal secured the Holy Empire's victory.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Somewhere in tani Ly, a person gains consciousness. The hospital first does not even realized this happened, but then the beeping of the medical devices, linked to him can not be ignored. He tries to utter words, but it does not sound like human speech.

The doctor on this segment of the hospital is a rather young woman named Lie~l Hii. Despite her age, her hair seems to that of an old person, despite the fact it is dyed dark red. Her eyes are curious and sleep-deprived at the same time. "Can you hear me?"

The person attempts to say something but again it sounds horribly distorted. he tries to nod and the doctor understands.

"You were severly injured by a plane crash about one year ago. We had no hope that you'd make it, but the player was on your side." she makes an kisvedite* guesture to ban evil.

The person looked confused. Eventually, he wrote symbols into the air, apparently rejistanian standard alphabet. It took him 3 tries to make himself understood: "Who am I?"

The doctor smiled at him empathically: "We do not know, but we are sure your memory will return. Some information indicated that you had the pseudonym sekhikablogger."

The person winced since this meant nothing to him.

In other news:

Rejistania won over Sel Appa 3:1

*OOC: kisved == kSpread so kisverites are a denomination of excelitism.

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE IN DEMOT THRILLER
Last Gasp 'Soft' Own Goal Seals Unlazy Win

By Anna Comneno

The Holy Empire consolidated second place in the qualifying table behind Schiavonia last night after narrowly defeating Demot in a five goal thriller. In a sign that the Imperial squad may not be quite as soft and lazy as some old farts have been claiming recently, the visitors came back from two goals down against the home side in the process.

Early goals from Sans and Ysman - the latter off a spectacular cross and volley combination - had the Holy Empire on the back foot, but Pselluso shook off the increasingly bizarre claims about his allegedly obsence sexual preferences by dribbling the ball all the way into the home goal straight off the second half kick-off. With Demot disrupted following an injury to star Ysman, Curcuaso continued his fine campaign by springing the off-side trap to score yet another goal for the Imperial squad. A last-gasp injury time soft own-goal from Thorax was perhaps harsh on the home team, but it capped a remarkable comeback from a Holy Empire squad that was, not so long ago, being derided as almost terminally soft and lazy. This is turning out to be a roller-coaster qualifying campaign.

ANNA'S WORLD CUP DIARY
There's something I think I need to address here. The highly unethical leaking of my recent private telegramme to this newspaper requesting that a private sex therapist be added to my personal entourage has, apparently, caused a storm of protest from some quarters and opened me up to accusations that I've become, well, soft and lazy. I deplore this sexist double standard. Just look at Basil and Theo on the World Cup show... they get solid gold jacuzzis with diamond-encrusted tap heads, a bevy of scantily-clad serving wenches, and roast panda for dinner, and does anyone have a go at them? I ask for one sex therapist, and suddenly you'd think the Imperial monks had stopped dreaming our reality into existence. Look... my personal life is none of your concern, but for what it's worth, a girl gets lonely on these long trips to Ordinary Reality, and there are certain times of the month when a little good loving goes a long way. Good loving and chocolate. If I could find myself a decent man in the Holy Empire, maybe I wouldn't need a personal sex therapist. It's not my fault all the straight single men in Alasdairopolis are soft and lazy, is it? Either that or bastard lying pigs. My ex-boyfriend was both. So next time you feel like having a go at me, why don't you have a good long look at yourselves, hmmmm?

The Turtles have had a good run so far and are 4th in group and 7th on the playoffs. This means at this point, they cannot possibly qualify. However, there are many more matches ahead to pull up the ranks. This upcoming match against Swilatia should be interesting. Sel Appa is expected to win by one, according to most. I predict a 2-1 win for Sel Appa. Swilatia could pull off a draw, however. After this match, which is away, the Turtles host Errinundera. A good team who has seen quite a bit of time in international football.

Coach Charles DuPont has said the Turtles are doing "very well" and "have a very good chance of qualifying for this World Cup. Even if they don't make top three in group, they can still make it through the playoffs. Making it to the playoffs would be interesting in its own right and may be counted by the FFSA as part of the World Cup proper. There are still many matches to go before the lower sides are unable to make it. With 11 matches left, anything can happen.

A grand halloa from Ropa-Topia, folks. Apparently the people here are insane over clothing, or such is my interpretation of the name. This is Master Guillaume on Teleray 21, summing up for you the sports news this evening. As I mentioned, I'm in Ropa-Topia, where the team has been playing Futbal. Unfortunately, we came to a loss by 2-1. Following the other loss, it might seem that our country is in trouble for the evanescent dream of World Cup qualification. However, let it be noted that there is STILL an error in the cup tables for group 9; our hard fought draw against Kericia is attributed to us as a LOSS. If this goes on I shall have to consider it a conspiracy. Thank you. I hope one of the Statisticians In Charge Of Such Things will correct the error! And now a brief summation of our action in Ropa-Topia. Schorteskatascansolani scored in the third minute by Alexander, but the referee, considering various trigonometric calculations based on the Clausius-Clayperon Equation and the Ampullae of Lorenzini, and seeing a bit of skywriting reading "HE!", decided to rule the goal offside, to which Master Wenzel was very much put out. After that he gave Vishnevskij a yellow card, which, being his second, he will be unavailable for play against Squornshelous. Ropa-Topia then scored in the 29th minute by an odd ricochet off of their defender de Groot who had to be taken out of the game. Schorteskatascansolani struck back in the 49th minute when Lee Bush headed the ball into the goal; he was given a red card in the very next minute for an alleged stamp, making him unavailable for the critical game against Squornshelous. Ropa-Topia, taking advantage of our lack of striking capability and weak-hearted defense, shot the ball into the air where it appeared certain to fly over the crossbar except that it happened to hit a random pelican and drop down and roll just inside the line. Master Wenzel was greatly peeved to this regard. Thus we have been defeated and it seems unlikely that we will defeat Squornshelous without three of our most important players, considering Squornshelous already outclasses us greatly.

RP Cutoff

The Isangrad Times
SPORTSfeed

Shout If You Like Mediocrity!!!
Valerian Boyars Fall to Bazalonia

Magnus Valerius, after a hiatus from the World Cup, has shown that upon its return, it is bound for nothing more than mediocre games and a rather shabby performance. The new players in the team need the experience of a world cup to get into shape, but with many draws and little action beyond that other than a miraculous win against Croisland, has been doomed to the fate of being a mediocre team in its Group through and through. Today's game against Bazalonia is no different from the story. The Valerian Boyars simply weren't up to snuff against the Bazalonians.

The game started off with little action on either sides. The Valerian defense held in the early Bazalonian shots by Everrett Kang and Frederick Hampstead. Jacques de Tadoussac and Andronikos Kastamonios kept a solid line in keeping the Bazalonians at bay. However, when the Valerians tried to shoot for the first time at the 7th minute, things began to go downhill. Vladimir "Vova" Dariyanov lined up to make a clear shot for the goal, but at the same time, a passing bird (perhaps employed by the Bazalonian government) decided to relieve its load in his eye. Vova shot the ball way off, and it was caught by Kang, who weaved through a rather confused Valerian defense into the Valerian goal at the 10th minute. He isn't known for accuracy for no reason.

With Vova a little 'distracted', he was subbed out for a while; George Illyanich sent in Dimitrios Basileonos to cover for him. Basileonos was a fresh breath of air for the team, which rallied with him when he took to the offensive and set up a shot for Karl von Hohenstauffen. von Hohenstauffen nudged in a ball, scoring the Valerians their first goal (and what would be the only one) in the game at the 31st minute. Things played defensively on both sides up until the second half.

The second half begins with Vova back in and Basileonos back on the bench. The Valerians tried to play it a little on the offensive again, but the defense organized by Xia Chia denied von Hohenstauffen, Dariyanov, Ardeshir Kemerhadi, and Alexander Putneyev all of their chances of getting through the tough Bazalonian defense. Just as the Valerians were trying to scrap something together in the form of offense, they neglected setting up a solid defense and let Kang sneak in another goal for Bazalonia at the 67th minute. The Valerians tried to keep things from getting worse, but did not stem the tide of a unified Bazalonian offensive. The pressure was on, and the Valerian team with so many new players could not keep the pace of the game. Things went down the drain once Ricky Yunn sent in a screaming rocket beyond Ivan Yaroslavlov's reach into the goal net. It was over! Yunn made the last point at the 88th minute, and by then, all hopes for a miraculous Valerian comeback were moot.

And thus another chapter of Valerian mediocrity is written.

Final Score

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png Bazalonia 3::1 Magnus Valerius http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png

Scorers

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png
Kang - 2 (10, 67)
Yunn - 1 (88)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png
von Hohenstauffen - 1 (31)


The Group 7 Scoreboard


Team W D L PTS GF GA GD
Milchama 6 1 0 19 29 7 22
Bazalonia 6 1 0 19 25 8 17
Tynelia 4 2 1 14 11 8 3
Monty Python 3 1 3 10 11 16 -5
Magnus Valerius 1 4 2 7 10 10 0
Rorysville 1 4 2 7 5 6 -1
NMS 2 1 4 7 9 14 -5
East Lithuania 1 4 2 7 5 12 -7
The Aqua Moose 0 3 4 3 10 21 -11
Croisland 0 1 6 1 5 18 -13

“This is ridiculous!” King John IV bellowed as the results of the latest failures trickled in. “Why are my black knights refusing to score like the well oiled machine that they are. Is it not so that we chopose the most awesomely attacking formation to inflict maximum damage on the foe? Do we not start six knights to lead the assault certain to overwhelm the defenses of our foes? Yet here we are barely doing better than a goal a match. Unacceptable! Is the Miller ill or something? Last Cup he had that many himself by this point!”

“Well sire, as the only person unmasked, the foes know where he is at all times and react accordingly. He did score today though.” A royal herald replied.

“What!?! Are you saying that MY idea to leave his identity known is the cause for their failure?” the king asked dangerously.

“No sire not at all, just that maybe the rest of the team feels slighted being forced to wear masks while he does not. You know sire, teamwork and all that.” The herald bravely continued.

“Bah, the rest of those fools should be grateful I’ve allowed them to participate. Perhaps if I have these grumbling knights spend some time on the rack it will teach them proper respect.” The king went on.

“Its been said as well that players have been passing out because their heavy woolen uniforms are much too hot for them to play in.” the herald also pointed out.

“So,” the king began in a cold voice “First it is my keeping Wallace out of a mask that fails us, then it is the uniforms I myself designed specifically to confuse the foe that is your other excuse.”

“No sire not that its…” the herald stammered

“GUARDS!” the king boomed to be greeted shortly by a pair of armored guardsmen from their posts just outside the royal audience chamber. Gesturing to the herald the king declared “This fool dares to question my judgments and has been found a traitor by his words. To the dungeons with him and have the royal interrogator sent to find out what other treacheries he may be hatching as well.”

As the guards took the struggling, screaming herald away the king was convulsed with a sudden coughing fit that went on for several minutes before it stopped.

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/neorvinsherald.gif

Critical win for Kelssek in World Cup qualifiers

"The first real step towards qualification," is what team manager Mathieu de Jenken said of Kelssek's 4-2 away victory over Bostopia.

Bouncing back from a 6-2 whomping at the hands of Jeruselem, who were runners-up at the last World Cup, captain Dennis Hartraft lifted the team with the game's first goal after half an hour, a half-volley from the edge of the box which eluded Dave Kripp. But then his opposite number Steven Serring got it right back four minutes later, setting the stage for an exciting and even contest.

Jamie Trent proceeded to put Bostopia ahead shortly after half-time, and again it fell to Vincent Arsenault, who has produced sublime performances in this qualifying series, to rescue Kelssek and spark a fightback.

Arsenault richly deserved the man-of-the-match (similar to first star, except there aren't second or third stars) award for the match. Besides his two goals he was the architect of the victory which was all won in the last 30 minutes as Kelssek, accumulating some momentum, turned up the heat.

Douglas Crawford turned a broken play into the equaliser after Henri Cournoyer's shot from 20 meters out was denied by Dave Kripp. Intercepting a bad clearance, he traded passes with Kyle Anderson on the left before streaking in past Craig Hart and hammering it home into the top corner. Vincent Arsenault took it from there, scoring the go-ahead goal on 71 minutes with one of his brilliant dribbling runs and heading it in off a corner seven minutes later to seal the win.

It was the second of three tough matches for the football team against other teams in the running for qualification. They will return to Kelssek today to prepare for their next match against Bettia at Canada Stadium.

"It was important to get our confidence back and we have a long way to go before we can reach the next stage, but I'm happy we won tonight and now we can really say we have a shot," said Hartraft after the game.

Kelssek lineup: Feeley, Gobrynin, Avant, Symonds, P. Dubois, Colwyn, Anderson (Hanson 72), Hartraft (Regehr 80), Arsenault, Cournoyer (Sinclair 65), Crawford.

Goals:
Kelssek: Hartraft 30', Crawford 65', Arsenault 71', 78'.
Bostopia: Serring 34', Trent 51'.

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right listeners its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth tellin’ it like it is once again. To get my contractual obligations out of the way tune into WSOC to cure your insomnia as they go on about Tynelia’s extremely boring 1-1 draw today with the older Macdougal brother getting the lone goal as they stumble and bumble their way through their group. Somehow this year's group is so horrible that Tynelia’s lousy showing actually puts them in a good spot before they choke as usual that is.

“Now with that out of the way I’m thrilled to see the latest polls today from TNN where the Voice of Truth is starting to become a real factor in this race. Of course all the credit for that goes out there to my listeners and visitors to Voiceoftruth.com who are starting to rally the country behind me. Unlike other politicians I know that people want to hear the truth and I’m the only one tellin’ it like it is. Does it come back to bite me sometimes. Sure but that’s what happens when you speak your mind.

“Now to the numbers. Mallack is still in first with 38% of the vote but he’s slipped a couple points since the last poll. Probably one of those margin of error deals. VP Sallas is hot on his heels at 36% which means its pretty much a dead heat there with the 3% margin of error in the polls. He’s actually up a few points from last poll.But right behind them and closing ground fast is yours truly with 16% of the vote, that’s a 5% rise from the last numbers. A few more points listeners and the Voice of Truth will have gained enough support to be invited to the debates with the so-called main political parties. Mallack’s Dominionans and the veeps’ Socialists really don’t want to go head to head with me and the People’s Party. As far as Douglas, Syler, Donalds and Tinks go they combine for the other 10% or so and only Syler is as high as 4% for the Green Party. Non contenders all at this point.

“Fact of the matter I think Donalds might throw in the towel soon. His Bigtopian citizenship platform is failing fast and he’s probably out of cash by now. That’s very important I have to stress to all my supporters. Sure having a message people want to hear is key but in the end it comes down to who has the money to get their word out to the masses so they can be given a better idea of who stands for what. Everyone who doesn’t hear about me is one less potential voter for me. You’re all doing great so far so please keep your contributions coming so the Voice of Truth can be heard from the presidency.

“ Now one quick comment to answer this email from vspey@tyhoo.com ((ooc- depsite everything trying to convert this into a valid email link its not)) who asks ‘How do you feel about the space program. An exciting frontier to explore or a waste of vinlis?’ Well vspey with resources, despite my conservation ideas, will be growing more and more stressed as the Tynelian population goes so I think space should be looked into as a source of metals for future generations. Whether that means setting up mining colonies on the moon- which would thankfully be free of soccer, or even mining some of these nearby asteroids that pass by from time to time I believe that’s something we need to look into.

“I’d take a caller now but it seems our phone lines are out again, lingering side effects from that stom when I gave my best speech ever if I do say so myself as I’m sure you all heard. So that means no callers from my people this time. Hopefully the lines will be straightened out next show. But you can still visit Voiceoftruth.com and email me your thoughts and comments. I’m always happy to hear from my supporters and we’ve just added a paybuddy account there so you can donate to my campaign from the comforts of your own home. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”

Amda-Mo: In their first international since the tournament opening loss at Quakmybush the Gnomes wiped the floor with visiting Acapais, 4-0.

Lur-Mn: A good sign for the team, but not that indiciative will learn much more after the Bazalonian friendly, and possibly another friendly against another power.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. What were the high points in tonights game?

Lur-Mn: The key was the play of the new starters, who all looked much more comfortable than they did against Quakmybush. Ip-Gp really clicked with Pizelkaxrovsky in midfield and their work together was magical. And EE-Or's hat trick was magnificent.

Amda-Mo: How about at the back?

Lur-Mn: The defenders looked much than they did against Quakmybush. Kz-Kz was much better and seemed to have got past his jitters. But we were playing Acapais, so let's see how they do against Bazalonia.

Amda-Mo: Thanks for the thoughts. We now turn to president of the Az-cz Football Federation Noz-Tf. Welcome tonight Mr. Noz-Tf.

Noz-Tf: Thanks for having me.

Amda-Mo: First question, what is your role in dealing with the controversies that come up during the cup.

Noz-Tf: My role is as a member of the World Cup Commitee and Emergency World Cup Commitee. Mostly I just state my opinion and support whatever decisions President Gaines and the commitee decide. It's not my place to hand down decisions about things like the riots in Casari or Schorteskatascansolani's treatment of atheists.

Lur-Mn: Dealing with a more football question, do you think the playoffs are working and will work as you had hoped?

Noz-Tf: Yes, definitely. Northern Bettia is exactly the representation of why the playoffs are advantageous. Under the old system they could easily be in rough shape as far as qualification goes. Whoever finishes fourth in that group will definitely be deserving of a spot.

Amda-Mo: How are preperations going for the World Cup.

Noz-Tf: Fantastic. We didn't need to build any new stadiums for our hosting duties, so it's just preparing support infrastructure like improving the rail systems in some cities and things like that.

Lur-Mn: What are your thoughts on the Az-cz team at this point?

Noz-Tf: I've got faith in our coaching staff, and I think we've got the best player in the world in Pizelkaxrovsky, so I think we're right on schedule. The coaches made a bold move, but I think it should be fine.

Amda-Mo: One last question. What are your hopes for the remainder of qualifying?

Noz-Tf: More good football. Less controversies, tight races down to the end. The regular stuff.

Amda-Mo: Alright, thanks for that presdient Noz-Tf. Now onto a look at the race for first qualification and with it, choice of nation.

Lur-Mn: Well right now the teams with most points are Jeruselem and Schiavonia, the only remaining unbeaten teams. However Milchama is actually in better shape, due to the poor play of their group. They have opened up a 12 point gap on fourth place. And while Bostopia and Elves Security Forces can push Jeruselem and TLC, Demot and Fort Europe can push Schiavonia, no one is stepping up from group 7. Right now Magnus Valerius, with two wins, is sitting in fourth place.

Amda-Mo: Assuming you're correct, where do you think the Milchamians would pick?

Lur-Mn: They'd come here for sure. They'd have to fancy their chances against us better than against Quakmybush. Plus there's a great Milchamian population here due to the Kleptochase. So I'd definitely think they'd come here. If Jeruselem ends up on top though I bet they'd head to Quakmybush. The people there are so sexed up that seeing naked people walking around would be a big problem for their team and they'd lose focus.

Amda-Mo: This just in. We've recieved confirmation of the fourth Az-cz friendly. The Gnomes will be hosting the Aroras of Bettia, a friend from Atlantian Oceania the Gnomes have yet to face on the pitch. That'll be a great test for our defense.

Lur-Mn: Bazalonia and Bettia. With Bedistan gone, those are the Killer Bs. Great tuneups.

Amda-Mo: Join us back here for those matches. Good night.

Lur-Mn: Night.

"This is Aby Watcher reporting live for the Commonwealth News Service from the front entrance to the Commonwealth Sports Council's headquarters where in the last few minutes we've been informed that the Council have forwarded an appeal to the Football Association in charge of the NationStates World Cup for footage of played earlier today to be reviewed after several controversial decisions made by the referee and his assistants were completely wrong and as a consequence Fort Europe lost the match. The first incident in question was twenty minutes into the first half when Harlesburg's striker appeared to have been tripped on the edge of the area. The replay clearly showed however that the striker dived and was not in fact touched by defender Murphy Lee, the replay also showed it to have been outside the area, however to the amazement of the players from both sides, the Referee indicated for a penalty, and then for some unknown reason proceeded to show a red card to the Fort Europe captain Tim Forrester who wasn't remotely involved in the incident. This mistake was pointed out and Murphy Lee left the pitch under heavy protest. Harlesburg scored to make it one nil.

Most would have thought that would be the only major mistake made by the referee, but just before the end of the half Karl Isaak was brought down inside the Harlesburg penalty area, the referee who was some way from the incident waved play on, and when the ball next went dead he booked Isaak for diving. Stuart Moss standing on the touchline at this point was livid and had to be calmed down and given a warning by the fourth official. In the second half this didn't improve, Harlesburg scored again when their striker who was still walking back from their previous attack received the ball in from his team mate while in an off side position, the linesman raised his flag to which James West in goal and the Fort Europe defense stopped expecting to hear the referee's whistle but it never came. The striker tapped the ball into the net and the Fort Europe players surrounded the referee in protest. For his part Stuart Moss was out of his dugout and on the pitch protesting as well, for which he received a red card and was banished to watch the match from the stands by the referee who also awarded two further yellow cards to Gemma Lloyd and Tim Forrester for their language while protesting.

With ten men on the pitch, and two goals down, Fort Europe did battle back as hard as they could but were only able to pull one goal back before the end through a Karl Isaak goal. We will be posting the photographic evidence that has been sent to the NSWC's Football Association in this evening's newspapers for anyone who missed the match today. This is Aby Watcher handing back to the studio."

From the desk of Noz-Tf

While we sympathize with the disappointment of Fort Europe and we know how difficult it is to lose on what seem to be blatantly blown calls, we remind them of standing policy not to overturn match results except in the case of match fixing. If Fort Europe has credible proof that the refs were purposefully aiding Harelsburg than that is one thing. But we'd like to remind all nations not to protest towards the hosting commitee or the World Cup Commitee over things they know will be ignored and waste our time. As Harelsburg's FA is not even together enough to submit a roster we doubt that they were able to arrange match fixing of this sort.

Dazza: Heya, Dazza's back. I hope Monique did a great job last episode Wayne.
Wayne: Yes she did despite being too touchy. And this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE, the touchy feely show for nation. I'm Wayne Wastle. Hey, what did you on your rest day at home?

Dazza: Spent some time with the kids and my man. Quality family time!
Wayne: Come on Dazza, you did more than that.

Dazza: OK, Dazza did more than that.
Wayne: Sex maniacs, but it's Dazza. Can't keep the legs closed.

Dazza: That's right! It's Dazza.
Wayne: Back to football, not what Dazza does in the bedroom.

Dazza: What can we do help Nedalia! They lost again! This time to Coocoostan who won TWO ONE.
Wayne: I don't know. Maybe you should go over to the Lions and do some of that Dazza magic psychology

Dazza: Don't think scantily dressed women like me will fix their problem.
Wayne: Works for the Jeruselem team.

Dazza: Yeah, but they are used to me.
Wayne: They have On-field problems but maybe too many off-field distractions?

Dazza: At the moment, too many losses for the Lions and they are sinking like the Titanic.
Wayne: Come on Lions, we want a surge of form or it's going to be too late.

Dazza: Group 1 - no shocks really, but two great high scoring games.
Wayne: Group 1 is good for entertainment, with the top 4 scoring goals at will.

Dazza: Marceau State roll on beating the crappy New Propagandia TWO ONE. They have been good lately but then they have no beated the good teams only the crap teams.
Wayne: A few wins under the belt help a lot and maybe they might finish in the top 5 with luck.

Dazza: Elves Security Forces scored a win they needed, but it was against the lowly Lovisa. TWO ONE again with Lovisa sinking into the mud while the Elves hang on.
Wayne: I'm sure the Elves will get some form run but when it is the question. Will it be too late?

Dazza: Bettia gave the Nedalians something to cheer about - they beat the lousy Collonie THREE ONE. Bettia are sure to make the top 3 after a bad start. Bettia are too good unless they stumble again.
Wayne: Only two losses, one to us. They should be alright.

Dazza: The big games - the ones that count.
Wayne: Two games - both the best matches of this group.

Dazza: Jeruselem took on the team from Northern Caesarea who are in need of many many wins to dig themselves of a hole, of their own making. It was an eight goal thriller but once again the Jeruselem attack proved the difference.
Wayne: We can't say Northern Caesarea did not try - they scored three goals against us. Tunkerhunker as Dazza calls him lead the charge with our team scoring a FIVE THREE game.

Dazza: Jeruselem undefeated! But being 3rd seed, expect no less.
Wayne: Northern Caesarea did well but they played the Crusaders.

Dazza: Bostopia vs Kelssek - HUGE GAME. It was a great game between the rookies are shaking up this group. The goal scoring Kelssek vs the best defense in Group 1 in Bostopia. Attack vs defense - who would win?
Wayne: Attack won again. Kelssek smashed their way to FOUR TWO win over Bostopia. Now, think about it if Jeruselem beat Kelssek SIX TWO, how good are we really?

Dazza: Well done to Kelssek and Bostopia too.
Wayne: Now to the table.

Dazza: Jeruselem with a perfect record lead Bettia in 2nd. Kelssek is one point behind Bettia while Bostopia are one win behind them. So, Kelssek 3rd and Bostopia 4th. Not the table we expected to see with these teams doing well.
Wayne: The Elves are in 5th and the Frenchies moved upto 6th. Caesar's men are 7th and looking like failing their leader. New Propagandia, Lovisa and Collonie sit on the bottom.

Dazza: 8 games - Jeruselem are doing well but it's the Kelssek and Bostopian team who are surprising everyone.
Wayne: Well, they deserve to be where they are.

Dazza: Oh the Lions, they are 7th in Group 9. Squornshelous lead that group, without a loss.
Wayne: Pray for the Lions, all we can do. Well, do it one an hour ... Dazza, have you ever done a Kelly Firth?

Dazza: No, not yet. Closest is in bikini and a bathrobe.
Wayne: Err, don't do it here then?

Dazza: Why's that?
Wayne: It's against the broadcasting rules.

Dazza: I break those all the time
Wayne: I know that, but keep your clothes on Dazza.

Dazza: Maybe
Wayne: On that note, see you all later.

Dazza: For those who missed out on my Playboy mag, another run is being printed. Don't worry. Hey, drinkies Wayne!
Wayne: She's in good mood.

Group 1
Bostopia [2] Kelssek [4]
Northern Caesarea [3] Jeruselem [5]
Bettia [3] Collonie [1]
Elves Security Forces [2] Lovisa [1]
New Propagandia [1] Marceau State [2]

Group 9
Nedalia [1] Coocoostan [2]

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 2-1 Houersteinzer http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/houersteinzer.png

Concerns remain after narrow victory

A home match against Houersteinzer? Anxious Ariddian supporters were hoping this would be an opportunity for the Rouge-et-Noirs to deliver a crushing victory against their allegedly hapless opponents.

Al Jahdali, for one, seemed confident in his team. Instead of fielding such players as Ke Sho or Sébastien Lescrit, he had decided to give “newcomers” an opportunity to play a full match, and included Raphaëlle du Valdor, Myo Thet Myint and Thomas Dargeau among the starting eleven.

Houersteinzer were, of course, determined to show they had not travelled all the way to Ariddia just to give the Rouge-et-Noirs some easy points. Nonetheless, the first half went well for the Ariddians. With almost 68% ball possession, they kept their opponents on the defensive. Chloé al Safi and John Andrews both scored, while Xu defended his goal cage flawlessly any time a Houersteinzerian player came near it. A shot by Komu skimmed past the bar, while Zandberg also came close to scoring. She had defeated Houersteinzer’s goalkeeoper, but one of the team’s defenders made a spectacular save, denying Ariddia a 3-0 lead.

By half-time, it looked as if Ariddia would continue to dominate in the second part of the match, and mighr score another two or three goals.

But no.

During half-time, al Jahdali decided to rest the team’s star goalkeeper Xavier Xu ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu ), and sent in Cassie Lee ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee ) for her first ever international match. Meanwhile, Houersteinzer was pulling together. And, for once, it seemed the Ariddians had been too optimistic.

The second half was far more balanced – a lot more balanced than it should have been between the defending Champions and a team of novices. The Houersteinzerians held their own with courage, determination and skill, preventing – incredibly – any further Ariddian goals, and rubbing the salt in by scoring a goal of their own. Lee was, however, able to block a crucial attempt at an equaliser close to the end of the match.

Coach Yves al Jahdali was, for once, not willing to comment.

Today’s result has led some to question whether Ariddia is ready to face the Archregimancy, a far more experienced opponent than Houersteinzer.

Adam Collick, the manager of Bostopia, is sitting in the locker room. There are still 10 minutes of the game to go, not withstanding injury time.

[Collick] DAMNIT!

Another angry outburst as yet another Bostopian attack fails, this time, a skewed shot from Dingaer, who had been brought on at the expense of Gary Maff to turn into a 4 – 3 – 3 formation.

The assistant manager, Dan Marne, looked on concerned.

[Marne] Boss, you alright?

Adam flashed Dan a look which spelled out that fire and brimstone was running through his veins rather than the usual red, white and blue.

[Marne] Alright. I’ll just be over here.

The final whistle blew, and the Bostopia Stadium resounded with a chorus of boos. Adam Collick, rather than destroying the changing room, retreated to his office with Dan Marne following.

[Marne] Adam, seriously, calm down, this isn’t good for your blood pressure!

[Collick] Neither’s a fucking loss to Kelssek! Christ! They played us off the bloody park!

[Marne] You have to give them credit for that, and at least we went ahead at one stage!

[Collick] Oh, that’s right, we went ahead, and I suppose that makes everything better BUT IT BLOODY WELL DOESN’T!

Adam and Dan reached Adam’s office, and went in. Adam immediately went over to the punching bag, ripped it from it’s hanging point on the ceiling and promptly threw it against a wall, leaving a sizeable dent, before kicking it a couple times.

[Marne] Christ all-bloody-mighty!

[Collick] I’d say…that’s the third one this run of fixtures.

[Marne] Then…when didn’t you do that?

[Collick] The draw with ESF.

Adam smiled at happier memories.

[Marne] Ah, ok. That was a good result wasn’t it?

[Collick] Yes. Yes it was. UNLIKE THIS ONE!

Adam picked up a paperweight off his desk and was about to throw it out the open window to the left of his desk, but then noticed what was on the paper it was holding down.

[Collick] Hmm…

[Marne] Your complimentary copy of the Channel 9 Calendar, boss?

[Collick] What? No. Though this month IS Kelly Firth.

[Marne] Yep.

Both men signed and looked peaceful for a moment, before Dan was snapped out of his relaxation by hearing someone shout “OW! Who threw that paperweight?!?”

[Collick] I’ve got it!

[Marne] What, battery charges due to the unreasonable use of force against the person under the Offenses Against the Person Act 1871?

[Collick] Hey, I never hit him, the paperweight did.

[Marne] It’s indirect battery, boss.

[Collick] Oh. No, anyway…where’s HE?

Adam pointed in the direction of Dan.

[Marne] Me, boss?

[Collick] No, HIM!

Dan turned round to see a picture of the Emperor on the wall.

[Marne] Oh god. Don’t tell me you’re going to get him in again. The marching band cost a fortune.

[Collick] You claimed it back out the petty cash didn’t you?

[Marne] Yes, but, still.

[Collick] Then stop complaining. Right, to the Castle!

Adam jumped up from his desk and walked out his office toward the carpark under the stadium, followed by Dan.

After a short journey, due to the underground roadways linking Fort Boston Castle to major destinations in the capital, the two men stepped out of Adam’s car.

[Marne] Didn’t know you knew the passcodes for these, boss.

[Collick] I had to give the Emperor a lift to the FBA once, he said I could use it. Anyway, let’s go find him.

After a short elevator ride, the two arrived on the fifth, and highest, floor of the castle.

[Marne] I’ve never been up here…wait, where’s the security?

[Collick] We already went through it.

[Marne] What, when? I never saw any!

Adam smiled at Dan. He’d have much to learn when, rather than if; he took over the reins as manager.

As the door opened into the Emperor’s office, Dan stood in amazing at the splendour of it, then noticing the “Do not disturb” sign on a door to the right.

[Marne] Urr…Adam…what’s that room?

[Collick] That’s the Emperor and Empress’ room.

[Marne] Then why…oh.

The Emperor stepped out the room wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

[Boston] Evening chaps. How’s tricks?

Adam exploded again.

[Collick] TRICKS?!? TRICKS?!? WE PLAYED AWFULLY TONIGHT! AHH!

[Boston] YOU DON’T NEED TO BLOODY TELL ME THAT!

Boston shouted back, slamming his fist on the desk.

[Boston] Oh-oh.

Boston lifted his fist, and a red-button popped back up.

[Collick] You haven’t!

[Boston] It appears that I have.

[Marne] What just happened?

A screen slided up out of the conference table, showing the trajectory of the missile, which had just launched.

[Boston] Go south, go south, go south…phew…Hailstonia it is.

[Marne] You just launched a nuke?!?

[Boston] Oh it’s alright, we do it all the time. It’s just nobody knows about it.

[Marne] What?!? But Hailstonia’s got blossoming communities! The capital city’s one of the finest in the region!

[Boston] Yeah right. Us and Boreb completely destroyed it years ago, just after it had been rebuilt following Adoros and the Whittle Isles invaded.

[Marne] But…but the tv pictures from yesterday?

[Collick] Dan, that was all done inside a studio.

[Marne] Then…

[Boston] The country is one big lie? Yes. Yes it is.

Dan looked shell-shocked.

[Marne] It…it can’t be.

[Boston] Dan, listen to me. We have the second-biggest military in the region. Gated communities, armed police, the biggest intelligence network, everything. Hell, even Channel 9 is owned and controlled by the Government.

[Marne] I…I need to go and get a drink.

[Boston] Sure. Out the door you came in, take a right, take a left before you walk into the security room, then take your first left, and the banqueting hall is on the right. The bar’s always open.

[Marne] Right, left, first left, right…ok…

Dan walked out the room.

[Collick] Poor guy.

[Boston] He’ll be fine. It’ll toughen him up.

[Collick] Yeah. Look, anyway, what I came to see you for. I need you to write a letter to the organisers.

[Boston] Oh?

[Collick] Yeah. I want to see if I can replace the whole squad.

[Boston] That bad, huh?

[Collick] You know it.

[Boston] Alright. Let’s start.

Dear Organisers. On behalf of the Bostopian Football Association, we are wishing to know whether it would be allowed if we could replace our whole squad, complying with our manager’s wishes. Of course, it would be filled with Bostopian Nationals.

A prompt response would be appreciated.

Emperor Boston
Emperor of the Empire of the Confederate States of the East & West Isles Bostopia
Grand Fireward of Fort Boston
President, Bostopian Football Association.

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.33

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Utterly Butterly, Lieutenant Pigeon, Mr E Jeffries, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were agreed. NH asked what the bit crossed out was from the last meeting he attended and IT WAS RESOLVED that it was not important.

The Financial Officer reported that there was a profit of eight guineas from the previous activities. This was partly due to a fee received for the provision of a referee for a Yafor 2 v Cafundeu match. Miss Widmore made the point that she could not type the proper name of Cafundeu because her Empire Typograph could not type letters with "bits" on them. NH asked whether that meant the little Is would not have dots on them and Miss Widmore nearly burst into tears. The Chairman asked whether there was a Yafor 1. NH said logically Yafor 1 would just be Yafor, unless a series of Yafors were planned "abbey nishin", which the Chairman took to mean "ab initio". NH conjectured that Yafor 3 would be subtitled "The Revenge". The Chairman stated that that was strictly obiter.

The Chairman read out a letter he had received from a company called Gleaner's Summary. Apparently the Wentland FA had been specially selected out of thousands for the change to win a quarter of a million guineas in the next prize draw. All they needed to do was purchase a tome entitled "Great Wents Of The Past" for eighteen guineas nineteen shillings and eleven and three quarters pence on approval and they would be given the chance. NH asked where they could find great Wents in the past and the Chairman said that if they bought the book they could find out. The Chairman also revealed that a special gilt envelope had been included with the prize invitation that if one responded within seven working days a free gift would be received. The Shade suggested it might be an alarm clock. Lt Pigeon thought it might be a silver-effect pen. NH said it might be a speedboat as no-one ever won it on the darts programme unless they came from Warpstone which was nowhere near the sea. In a frenzy of excitement IT WAS RESOLVED (8-1) that an order be placed. CJ was tasked with the purchase of a postage-paid stamp and four shillings were RELEASED from petty cash to this end.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland defeated Spruitland by two goals to one. EJ asked whether there had been a game missed and NH said it was not important. The Chairman asked what was a Spruit. NH expressed ignorance, unless it meant "team that lost to Wentland by two goals to one". His Grace stated that this was a remarkably prescient naming of country.

There being no other business the meeting was declared closed.

The Enlightener: tuned like a poet, designed like a sculpture
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Que Sera Sera...

Bettia...............3 (Abdul-Nur 16 42, Abramson 55)
Collonie..........1 (Player#14 91)

...whatever will be will be, We're going to Az-Cz, Que Sera Sera...

No dear readers, The Enlightener isn't getting ahead of itself. Despite this rather comfortable win over Collonie, the Aroras are still a country mile from qualifying from this tough group. Rather, this is a rather cryptic reference to the newly-arranged friendly that the FAB have arranged with the Az-Czid Football Association, and one which it's fair to say that the Bettian public will be taking a keen interest in.

But first, rather important matter of another World Cup qualifyier. Team boss Stuart Abdul-Rahim took the opportunity to rest a few of his first teamers, including all three of the deadly Busilanta brothers, and to be honest, you wouldn't really have guessed as Bettia almost overwhelmed a team who seemed to be in awe at the wondrous, and somewhat intimidating, surroundings of Tiddles Park here in Gabalfa.

Malik Abdul-Nur, who has made it his goal to break the magical 50-goal barrier for reigning champions Butetown Dragons in the season due to kick off any day now, didn't take long to open the scoring - and this was after he missed a sitter just three minutes into the game after slicing a low cross from Kurniawan way over the bar when it seemed easier to score. However, he made amends after 16 minutes, making no mistake with a fifteen yard piledriver that the goalkeeper had no chance of stopping.

Abdul-Nur made it two shortly before the break, powering a header from Bettia's sixth corner of the day, despite a defender's best attempts to clear it from over the line. Luckily for Bettia, the linesman was in a good position to view the ball and, after a brief consultation with his assistant, the referee awarded the goal.

The half-time cup of tea offered no respite for the away team as Bettia continued where they left off, their Takilan stylings making short work of their opponents' defence, and so it was inevitable that the Aroras would increase their lead before long. Ten minutes to be exact, thanks to some sterling play on the wing from young Jon Deverill who whipped in a curling cross that his equally young club team-mate Abel Abramson was only too glad to sidefoot into the net.

And so, despite the minor blip of conceding a late consolation, Bettia ran out worthy winners - and a very welcome three points they are too, for they enabled Bettia to scramble up to second in the table ahead of their next opponents Kelssek. With a dangerous-looking Bostopia snapping close at their heels, this next game will be vital for the Aroras.

Elsewhere in the wide wide world of football, puppets extraordinaire Northern Bettia continued their fine run with a hard-fought win away to Dance 2 Revolution - another higher-placed scalp to add to the collection, and it's a win that sees them stay in touch with the top teams in their group, and also sees them go top of the play-off table. Here in Group 1, Jerusalem continued their relentless march with an exiting 5-3 win at Northern Caesaria, whilst things continue to go pear-shaped for our dear neighbours Nedalia as they slumped to a shock 2-1 defeat at home to Coocoostan.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away
10: Jeruselem...............HOME
11: Bostopia................Away
12: Kelssek.................HOME
13: Marceau State...........Away
14: New Propagandia.........HOME
15: Collonie................Away
16: Lovisa..................HOME
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


GOOD VICTORY IN CARNIVAL NIGHT

http://img355.imageshack.us/img355/5112/3913877398gacafah4.jpg
Anormal commemorates his goal

Cafundéu travelled to Algal States, and could get the three points after a slow and calm game, although the first ten minutes were extremely exciting. The players of Cafundéu controlled the game and seemed that wanted the game to end soon. It was probably because of the Carnival, as the parties that happen in Cafundéu in the Carnival nights are usually very big. The team could score two goals in the first ten minutes, and could stay in the third position in the table.

But the situation still isn’t easy. Northern Bettia continues winning, and the Cafundéu supporters are starting to make strange rituals, hoping to see they lose in the next game. The difference is still of one point, but the supporters think that the monopolists can soon get some points of advantage. Maybe in the next game against Tanah Burung?

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game with a suicide strategy, attacking with eight players. Algal States could stop the first goal chance with Ganz Ijak, but Cafundéu scored in the second. Kimball crossed the ball to the area, Anormal headed, the goalkeeper saved and Heren Ijak shot the rebound to score the first goal, in the second minute of the game. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Another mass attack of Cafundéu, this time the Algal States defense is very unprrrrrotected. Kimball crrrrrrrrrrosses, Anorrrrrmal heads! Magnificent save! Herrrrren took the rrrrrebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look again in the replay! Herrrrren Ijak, number nineteen! Cafundéu one, Algal States zero!”

Even after the first goal, Cafundéu continued with the powerful attacks. And the second goal came fast. Brahma controlled the ball in the midfield and passed it to Ganz Ijak, who was invading the area. The attacker tried to shot, but was blocked by a defender. The ball went to the entrance of the area, and Anormal shot it with strength, giving no chances to the goalkeeper. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Another strrrrrong attack for the visitors. This time is Brrrrrahma with the ball. Beautiful pass to Ganz, he will scorrrre... no, the defender blocked! Anorrrrrmal took the rrrrrebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look at this powerful shot in the rrrrreplay! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu two, Algal States zero!”

Nobody could expect two goals in the first ten minutes, and the supporters started to think that Cafundéu would destroy Algal States. But this didn’t happen. After the two goals, Cafundéu’s attacks were reduced, and few players participied in them. Algal States tried to recover, and had a good chance in the middle of the half. An attacker shot, but Vargas saved easily. Cafundéu replied with Kirs, who received the ball from Vandick and shot, but wide.

The game became very slow, as Cafundéu started to defend much more and Algal States couldn’t make good plays. Many mistakes of the home team helped Cafundéu, who didn’t have difficulties to keep the result until the end of the first half. The visitors even had a good chance to score the third goal, when Priotto saw Ganz Ijak alone inside the area and passed the ball to him. The attacker shot, but the goalkeeper made a good save. The first half ended with the result of 0x2.

http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/8664/3913887869gacafoo2.jpg
Cafundéu scored two goals in the first minutes of the game

Braddock only made one change, putting Agrião in the place of the tired Vandick. In the second half, Cafundéu continued with its defensive strategy, but started to explore more the counterattacks, so had more goal chances. Algal States continued missing many goal chances and passes. In the fifth minute, Sávio Ferrari started a good counterattack, passing the ball to Brahma who passed the ball to Heren Ijak, who shot and scored the goal. Unfortunately, he was offsided and the goal was disallowed.

During more than thirty minutes, all that the supporters saw were bad passes and horrible mistakes, all made by the Algal States team, and a good defensive formation and simple counterattacks, made by the Cafundéu team. Algal States tried to score in the twentieth minute with an attacker, but Becão blocked his path. Cafundéu counterattacked with Falcus, who shot from outside the area, but the ball hit the post and went wide.

In this situation, the game was ending and many supporters already started to left the stadium. But, with five minutes remaining for the end of the game, Algal States scored a goal. A midfielder tried to cross the ball to the area, but he made a mistake and the ball hit Agrião. A defender got the rebound and shot from outside the area, scoring a beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Don’t forget to continue watching this channel. After the game between Cafundéu and Algal States, one more chapter of our soap operrrrra, “The False Vintém”! An after that, a exclusive coverrrrrage of our carrrrnival! Now to the game, the midfielder missed the pass, the ball hit Agrrrrião, the defender got the rrrrrebound... and it’s a goal! Goal for Algal States! Algal States one, Cafundéu two!”

After the goal, some Algal States supporters, who were leaving the stadium, returned to see if the team would draw the game. But, after one minute, they discovered that it wasn’t impossible. Cafundéu started another mass attack after the kickoff and scored with Priotto, who dribbled a player and shot to the goal when the goalkeeper tried to take the ball from him. Read Breno Gavião:

“Now Cafundéu must be cautious. Kickoff. Brrrrrahma takes the ball, passes it to Falcus. Prrrriotto rrrrreceives the ball, drrrrribbles, will shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! One minute after their goal! Prrrriotto, number eight! Cafundéu three, Algal States one!”

After the game, most of the Cafundelense players ran to the team bus, which was going to the airport. The players were anxious to return to Cafundéu, maybe in time to see the carnival there, either in Lasft, Astari or Espinal. Only Vargas stopped to talk with the media: “We did our best to win, attacking since the first minute. So, this victory was more than deserved and we are sure that we can continue winning the games, to qualify for the World Cup.” Then, he ran to the bus too.

The coach Franz Braddock talked a bit more than usual: “All who watched today’s game saw our offensive power, and why we need to be feared. We’ll continue with this offensive style, with this positive attitude, looking for positive results. Now, excuse me, I need to go to the bus. You know, I need to return to Cafundéu to see the nearly-naked wom... I say, the beautiful parties.” That’s what he said before going to the bus too.

http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/4868/3913890012gacafui5.jpg
After two goals in the last minutes, the game ended 1x3

ALGAL STATES 1x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown stadium, in Algal States.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Goran Jolly (Spaam).
MOTM: José Bebum Brahma (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/algal_states.png ALGAL STATES: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Agrião 45’), Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs (Manuel Padaria 78’); Anormal, Priotto, Brahma and Kimball (Falcus 55’); Heren Ijak and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:CAF: Heren Ijak 2’ , Anormal 7’ , Priotto 86’.
ALG: A defender 85’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Tanah Burung: Vargas, Agrião, Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Brahma and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Anton Kepmanschaapt (Starblaydia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 8 games:

7- G. Ijak
3- Renário, Anormal and Heitor
2- R. Kliek
1- J. Kimball, H. Ijak, J. Priotto and Becão

FAO Noz-Tf,

With regard to our protests regarding our last result, we would like to clarify that our anger is not directed at the other team, nor either the hosting committee or the World Cup Committee. We were simply complaining at the complete incompetence of the referee and request that he not be allowed to referee in a match involving Fort Europe again at this level. We do not expect the result to be over turned, we did read the rules and regs before we entered and would not presume to tell the hosting committee or the World Cup Committee what to do. As for the media report shown earlier today, please understand that their words do not directly represent the Commonwealth Sports Council and are prone to exaggeration of facts should a story not be 'interesting' enough. I'm sure they will keep their word and post pictures of the events as usual in their daily newspapers.

Regards

Rijel Salnir
Chair
Commonwealth Sports Council

SQUORNSHELOUS DEFEATS SCHORTESKATASCANSOLANI
WHO WERE WE KIDDING?

The Squornshelan team was met at the airport by two groups of Polizses. They came with some apprehension, somewhat understandable because of what had happened to Atheistic Right. However, their worries were misplaced, for the team was brought to a special banquet in their honour, attended by Queen Theophano XII herself and all the highest officials of government.

"It is an honour," said the Queen, "to host such a renowned team. It was agreed by the Council of Ancients--" she indicated a row of white-bearded and bald-pated men, seated in high honour on the left side of the Queen -- "that we should not allow this opportunity of Hospitality to go by. Thus we are entertaining you with the finest our kingdom has to offer." The tables were laden with the best of beers and the tastiest of breads and fishes caught from the innermost streams of the Thirteenth River. The chocolates were handcrafted from seven months in the Queen's own galley. The Squornshelan team appeared to enjoy themselves, and there was great amounts of friendly banter with the Schorteskatascansolanian team, which was present as well.

Perhaps because of this friendliness, or perhaps because of the large chocolates, everybody moved a little slowly on the pitch the next day. The tackles were not as hard, the running not as fast, the players not as driven. The goal-keepers in particular seemed affected; Squornshelous opened in the 18th minute with goal from Mortenson; the home team kept stead in the 27th minute from header by Gilmore (who was playing in place of Bush, who had the red card from last match.) Squornshelous again scored in the 40th minute from the penalty area, the goal being from Varg, and Schorteskatascansolani equalized again just before halftime by a direct free-kick taken by Edward Platt. The match stood tied at halftime, and stayed like that until the 79th minute, when Varg dashed hopes of the home crowd with another goal, and then scored again to make the matter 4-2 in the 92nd minute. Despite the loss Schorteskatascansolani is happy with their performance, for it is not every day you can play against such a high quality team as Squornshelous. "Squornshelous scored on me four times!" said goalkeeper Duke in awe.

It is hoped that some Squornshelan tactics learnt in the game will aid the team in their game against Altanar, which they have already defeated in the Baptism of Fire.

Bangkok Scoresheet newsroom
"Now that wuz a gam!"

"Yup." The poetic sportswriter sat down. "Lese...Zwangzug 3, Dans2revolu10 2."

"Nis nam. The 2s alrede thar, rit?"

"Yep. Almost algebraic."

"Futur alis?"

"In wut?"

"Revolut10?"

"Just bcuz wer the nuspaper dusnt men we haf to overthrow things."

"Its fun tho."

"Mab, but huevers bot us out that da mit not find it fun."

"O wel. So, Olson scors 2 gols, Stings 1, Tercer injurd and mit miss next gam..."

e-Lipogram newsroom

"Takil is a way of playing football, to kill is what lots of folks in Bangkok want."

"Okay."

"You don't know what I'm talking about, do you."

Adam Collick, now much calmer, was watching Matchnight Bostopia – well, he was calmer now the Bostopian match had finished.

[Lyle] And now, Casari’s game against Cesibia.

[Fegg] Again, Casari were playing their star penguin in every position, after removing the team and replacing them with the one penguin.

Adam switched the TV off.

[Collick] Replacing players with a penguin? What’s that all about?...wait. Dan! Dan! Come here!

[Marne] I already WAS here, Boss.

[Collick] That was quick. Anyway, look, Casari is playing a penguin instead of humans right.

[Marne] Yes…oh no. You’re not replacing the whole team with a Llama are you?

[Collick] Llama…eh? Nice capitalisation of Llama you had too.

[Marne] What, how’d you know?

[Collick] This is Bostopia. Anyway, no, no Llamas. The good news is, World Cups every four years right? These players will probably be playing international-class football for another 25 years, barring serious injury. That’s another 6 world cups worth of experience for these guys! So, we’re going to replace the team with THESE!

Adam pulled a velvet sheet, revealing the new team.

[Marne] Cardboard cut outs?

[Collick] Kinda; we’re going to be playing the players ON the cardboard cut out.

[Marne] But…this is the team we fielded in the first half against Sel Appa!

[Collick] Congratulations on not having the memory of a goldfish.

[Marne] BUT THEY’RE ALL 5!

[Collick] Not all of them. Peter in goal is nearly 6.

[Marne] He’s still five.

[Collick] If you want to argue with a five year old, go ahead.

-- OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE BOSTOPIAN FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION --

Following the team’s performance in the World Cup Qualifiers, the Bostopian Football Association has took the decision to replace the squad with players pulled from the best under-6 teams in the country, and the new squad is as follows.

Number, Name, Position, Age

Goalkeepers - 3

1 - Peter Jeffers - GK - 5 (Nearly 6)
12 - Barry Daffling - GK - 5
13 - Mark Simons - GK - 5

Defenders - 7

2 - Francis Vale - DL - 5
3 - Gerry Landor - DC - 5
4 - Karl Matthews - DC - 5
5 - Adam Craiff - DR - 5
14 - Simon - DC - 5
15 - Brian - DLRC - 5
16 - David - DR - 5


Midfielders - 8

6 - Michael Wake - ML - 5
7 - Stuart Flambriff- MC - 5
8 - Freddie Marsh - MC - 5
9 - Luke Barle - MR - 5
17 - James Harriff - MC - 5
18 - Nick Orring - ML - 5
19 - Terry Sarring - MC - 5
20 - Richard Ampling - MR - 5


Strikers - 5

10 - Harry Auderrie - SC - 5
11 - Aleksander Cripps - SC - 5
21 - Robert Karr- SC - 5
22 - Kyle Jonners - SC - 5
23 - Ian Tanraer - SC – 5

The players numbered from 1 – 11 will be our starting line up.

Thank you.

The BFA.

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:


Commerce Heights JSY-1 QAZOX-5

Qazox's offence this qualifing run has been frightening, the good kind. 30 goals in 8 matches, and only 2 teams so far have topped that. And the defense has performed well only allowing 10 goals. So just before the half way point The Black Oxen are 5-2-0 and lead Group 4 by 2 points.

As for today's match vs. Commerce Heights JSY? An easy 5-1 victory, and Jonathon Sarafin didn't play. Sarafin, who is Catholic, took the day off for Ash Wednesday. But Ione Nemetz, who started for him, took up the slack scoring 2 goals, and assisting on 2 others. Nemetz got the ball rolling in the 15th minute, and added her second in the 29th, while Kyle Horton added another goal in the 43rd to make it 3-0. Sonja Clay continued her hot run adding a goal in the 51st to make it 4-nil. JSY's Ha Sūŋ-yun scored his team's lone goal in the 56th and Wendy Richie finished it off in the 70th.

Up next to conclude the 1st half of qualifying is a trip to Quintessence of Dust, who started well, but has fallen on hard time the past few games. Should be a good game, Qazox 3-2.



Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Nemetz (2,3)- 15', 29', Horton (6)- 43'; Clay (4)- 51', Richie (1)- 70'
Commerce Heights JSY: Ha Sūŋ-yun- 56'
CARDS: Commerce Hieghts JSY: Yellow: Davido Matesanso- 14'
Qazox: Yellow: Won One- 14'

“Good evening, Assegai Developments, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cathedral Park, where today, the Riskbreakers of Assegai defeated the feisty squad from Quintessence of Dust 3-1, strengthening their chances of advancing to the Proper.

“After leading Group 4 early on, the Q.O.D. squad has fallen on hard times, but their performances still belie their unranked status and they’re always a threat to pull of an upset.

“Nonetheless, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga rested some of his starters, giving some of his bench players their first ever international starts. There was no drop in production, and keeper Callo Merlose was superb in goal, stopping several sharp shots from Q.O.D. players. Midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot nailed two impressive, long-distance goals at the 31st and 62nd minutes, with both blistering shots curving wickedly around Q.O.D. defenders to beat goalie Winchester Furman to the corners.

“Assegai defender A.J. Durai scored a very rare goal in the 56th, knocking in a header off a corner kick from midfielder Agatha Denys. However, it was Q.O.D.’s lone goal in the 80th minute that sparked a furious discussion. Although replays showed that Q.O.D. forward Roger Longhorn was clearly offsides when he received a pass from midfielder Peter Rogers, the referee let play go on, and Longhorn beat Callo with a shot to the far post as he approached from her left flank.

“The crowd booed and hissed loudly in protest and Riot became embroiled in a furious argument with the refereeing crew, eventually receiving a red card ejection. Riot left the field to a raucous applause from the more than 75,000 fans in attendance. Conversely, at the end of the game, the Valendia Knights of the Peace had to provide an escort for the refereeing crew as other Assegai players complained loudly and fans began to get rowdy in the stands.”

As she finishes, Riot is there with Sir Knight Zúniga.

“Sir Knight Zúniga, Assegai won comfortably tonight, but was Ashley’s ardent protest and subsequent red card really necessary?” she asks him.

“Obviously nobody wanted to see Ashley get ejected,” he says in a calm voice. “I already spoke to him about this and we both agreed that he could have handled the situation a lot better. However, we were appalled at the ref’s quick reaction to eject Riot, although he hadn’t used any obscenities in his argument, and how he let that goal stand. All the replays show that Longhorn was at least 5 feet offsides. It’s a disgrace.”

“I rarely get this worked up over anything,” Riot says. “I thought I had a good reason to get in the ref’s face about this. However, it seems he wasn’t about to admit he made a mistake and he didn’t like me pointing that out.”

“Hey, we got the win,” Zúniga says. “It got ugly at the end, and I guess that goal will stand, but we still won. Still, losing Ashley for the next match against Vilita is a big deal to us.”

“Well, that is all for now from Leá Monde,” says Mikaela. “We’ll be back later this week with a preview of Assegai’s next match, a huge showdown with No. 26 Vilita. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

Match Summary

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3
(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quintessence_of_dust.png Quintessence of Dust 1

[AD]
Ashley Riot (31’, 62’)
A.J. Durai (56’)

[QOD]
Roger Longhorn (80’)

Red Cards:
AD- Ashley Riot (80’)

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

From the desk of Magda the Forsaken:

Greatness is coming form stream of thought of great Magda speech. Much sadness fills eyes of Magda for great captain Draco Glaurung must be taken off field with bad injury at halftime of game. Magda sad. But Draco tough. Draco returns next week. Draco only suffer concussion and sprained ankle. Good thing Gromper Grîpper play tonight. Gromper Grîpper much sexiness come from him when ball he hit hard. Magda likes. Gromper Grîpper score good, hard goal in minute 79, hard shot bounce of face of Haraki goalie face. Much laughter. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Gromper Grîpper slam ball off Haraki goalie again in 85 minute. We losing, but Gromper Grîpper, great sexiness he is, save us. Magda likes.

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/haraki.png Haraki 2
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 2

[HAR]
Magda not remember… (who care?)

[TG]
Gromper Grîpper (79’, 85’)*

*Very much sexiness. Magda likes.

At cathedral park:

"oh shit! a streaker, with nevillonian flags on his back. OOOOOh, he is down, he is definitely down."

The crowd at Cathedral Park erupts into loud cheers for the streaker and boo when the VKP take him down with a crunching tackle and dog pile him.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Offside row overshadows improved performance

As was widely predicted, Quintessence of Dust's World Cup woes continued today as they fell to Assegai Developments, 3-1. Even so, it was a greatly improved performance on their previous two limp showings, with a few good chances created and much greater fluency in passing; but for some clumsy slips in defence and a touch more luck, the result could have been much closer. But all of that was overshadowed by an eightieth minute stand-off that nearly dissolved into a brawl and led to the dismissal of Assegai captain Ashley Riot.

Riot, who played a sublime role in central midfield, had conjured up two perfect strikes earlier in the game, with defender A.J. Durai scoring the third, presented with a gift of header after Micky Marberger completely misread his run. But where he should have led his team off in triumph, he departed with head sunk ten minutes early, after vigorously protesting the decision to award Roger Longhorn's goal, despite his being clearly offside.

Longhorn straddled the fence when fielding questions after the game. "I thought I was onside, but you always play margins, and it's difficult to tell. Given the situation we were in, I certainly was trying to get onside. I looked at the replay, and it seems I was a yard off, which is obviously a shame." Asked whether he thought the dismissal was deserved, he commented, "I think it's tough to lose a player like that, but I think he'd admit he overreacted: I'm sure I'd be angry in his situation. It's the referee's call, and it's over now. I can't say anything more."

The incident ensured the game ended drenched in boos from the disgusted home crowd, and is sure to reignite debate on the use of video replays by referees, as well as the issue of player conduct. While other Quodite players were similarly reticent, Peter Rogers did comment that "I don't care how bad the call is, in rugby or cricket, you'd walk away". Rogers for his part came under some fire for seeming to provoke Riot, and has been referred to the authorities after replays showed him casting an obscene gesture when Riot began to complain.

The ensuing furore is sure to cloud out the fact that the Quintessential team put together a much better performance, avoiding any bookings and even threatening to take the lead early on as Dennis Young and Longhorn just failed to convert some promising chances. The best fell to Rogers, who hit a stinging volley to be brilliantly saved by keeper Merlose, who also managed to tip a clever lob by David Yellowback over the bar.

There was a much better pass completion ratio, and good challenging for the ball. The game featured less crossing, with both Theo Littlefellow and Frederic Renard sidelined, but they defended the cross reasonably well, until Marberger's critical slip from a corner. Coach Jeremy Dixon said the showing was "encouraging" and intimated that with work, they could be challenging teams of this stature for draws or even victories, although he remained coldly realistic about chances against Qazox in the coming match.

The defeat sees Quintessence of Dust slip from the top of the qualifying table and a clear divide is opening up between the top three teams in Group 4, meaning the most realistic Quodite chance for qualification will be a play-off battle. Dixon may have taken heart from today's performance, but will still realize that his team will need to improve substantially to gain the necessary ground.

REFEREE LOOSES PLOT, FORT EUROPE LOOSES MATCH

Harlesburg - 2 - V - 1 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/00014454.jpg
Offside by a mile but Ref sees nothing wrong

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

A miserable day for Fort Europe, to loose to an side ranked over fifty places lower in the standings is bad enough for a team chasing for qualification, but the manor of the defeat was inexcusable. The Referee made one mistake after another which awarded Harlesburg the win when the result should have in fact been the opposite. Fort Europe battled bravely but were reduced to ten men early when an opposition player dived blatantly, and then to go two goals down through an attack that was clearly off side, as pictured above. Luck clearly not on their side, Fort Europe were able to pull one back in the second half, but to no avail as two other goals were disallowed amongst a number of other controversial decisions which even had the normally passive Stuart Moss off the bench and protesting to the referee, for which he also received a red card for his troubles and spent the rest of the match in the stands.

The Commonwealth Sports Council did lodge an appeal against the referee's decisions, but only succeeded in convincing the World Cups organising committee to remove the referee in question from all future fixtures involving Fort Europe. Supporters, disgusted by the referee's ineptitude were seen to hurl various objects at the referee in the later stages of the match and the Supporter's Club have also collected a signed petition from fans who were unhappy with the referee. Fort Europe return home to play Hockey Canada next week where they will hope to put this incident behind them and through their all into the match in order to earn back the points they feel they should have had at Harlesburg today.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

5 - James West
3 – Murphy Lee []
5 – Tim Forrester (C) []
4 - Shaun Pearson
4 - Gemma Lloyd []
5 - Katherine Keller
5 – Andy Fletcher
4 - Ryan Holmes []
5 - Vicky Princess
4 - Chris Lessinger
6 - Karl Isaak (63) []

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Mike Young
5 - Aki Haddon (On for Pearson (58))
- - Edowine Sanjuan
5 - Ian Sikes (On for Lessinger (58))

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/001344.jpg
Harlesburg's striker dives towards the penalty area

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/144515555.jpg
Murphy Lee receives an unwanted gift

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/31414.jpg
Isaak finally gets one in the net

[ooc - whoops, wrong nation. Please count as an Archregimancy RP]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

EASY VICTORY OVER TANAH BURUNG WHETS APPETITE FOR ARIDDIA
Reporter Told Off For Making 'Appetite' Reference During Lent

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

An easy 4-0 victory over old-timers Tanah Burung left the Archregimancy as one of only seven undefeated teams in World Cup qualifying, as attention turned to the impending top of the table clash between the footballing monks and defending World Cup champions Ariddia. Both Ariddia and the Archregimancy have been in fine form this qualifying campaign, with mostly solid victories against many opponents interspersed with occasional frustrating draws. Arridia's form has been slightly patchier of late, with a narrow win over Houersteinzer following two perhaps disappointing draws, but no one at the MFA is underestimating the World Cup founders. "Atheists most of them may be, but like many heathens they present a formidable obstacle" said coach Fr. David the Water Drinker. "We certainly respect the Ariddians' footballing skills, whatever our concerns about their immortal souls."

Indeed, many Archregimancy monks, the vast majority of whom are originally from the Holy Empire, have mixed feelings about Ariddia, their concern for Ariddian atheism often being tempered by the long-standing respect and ties of friendship that exist between the Empire and Ariddia - ties that date back to the very first two World Cups, and which have been consolidated by the recent announcement that the Holy Empire and Ariddia will be bidding to co-host WC34. Perhaps as a result, the Monastic Football Association has been noticeably more forgiving of Ariddian atheism than might otherwise have been the case, even in these kinder, gentler times.

Further piquancy is added to the upcoming match by the recent addition of Br. Innocent of Ariddia, an indigenous Ariddian, to the Archregimancy's national team. Br. Innocent was unavailable for comment as it is believed that he is finding the combination of football training and his first Lenten fast to be somewhat tiring, but sources close to the team say that the Ariddia native is looking forward to facing his nation of birth.

“Good afternoon fans of Riskbreaker football, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cathedral Park, where the Assegai Developments football team is preparing to depart for Vilita.

“While Vilita, ranked No. 26 in NationStates, never released a media guide or rosters, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga announced the roster that would be taking the field this weekend.”

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#11 Sidney Losstarot (C) – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
#18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

“As you can see, as in previous situations where captain Assegai hasn’t been anchoring the midfield, forward Sidney Losstarot dropped back to Ashley Riot’s spot. Forward Samantha Neesa moves into Losstarot’s spot at center forward and speedy forward Stephen de Cobham comes off the bench to take Neesa’s spot at right wing.

“The only other change is that defender Romeo Guildenstern, who made his first national team start in a year, remains at defense alongside his longtime Ascama United (Fort Europe) teammate Jan Rosencrantz.

“Despite the shuffle in the starting 11 and missing midfield maestro Riot, Sir Knight Zúniga was adamant in declaring that any of his national team players was a potential starter, and that he had full faith in Losstarot running the midfield.

“Although Vilita started off badly, they have picked up steam in recent games and are beginning to play like the No. 26-ranked team in NationStates. Although Assegai has yet to win a game on the road during this qualifying phase, suffice to say that a victory by over Vilita would be huge.

“With your Assegai pre-match report, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off from Cathedral Park. We’ll see you again after the match!”

Upcoming Match

(26) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/vilita.png Vilita

VS
(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

@ Vilita

The match against Kingsford was all but well. The Lasane was apparently still suffering from the collective trauma that was World Cup 14 and its final. There are personal traumas and there are national traumas and the latter are far worse to defeat. At least the Orange-Blues did not lose. Whenever Kingsford scored, the Orange-blues managed to come back. Especially Na~eta Kii was effective today in this regard. He equalized the score twice. At the 83th minute, the score was 3:3. To make things worse, Asaikivelemanakere Ralaseletikivenemaratede only had one substitution left and his previous 2 were rather detrimental. The seleken suddenly had an idea, which sounded wird to say the best. Kemi Leveku. The Sikenian was in this team despite any qualification. He was in this team because he won some weird ASR contest. "Kemek, get ready to 'han!" The Sikenian first looked as if the moon just fell from the sky and dropped on his feet, then he nodded and did what Ralaseletikivenemaratede'he said (get ready to play). The Sikenian was crappy, surely worse than Jiira Invatasele, whom he replaced. In the last minute, the Orange-Blues tried a desperate last attack. Taka Sala's shot hit the woodwork, the ball reflected, hit Kemi Leveku on the head and reflected back towards the goal. Kingsford's goalkeeper Styel'he did not react adequately and could only collect the ball from the net. The Orange-Blues won 4:3 and today Lady Luck (or Lady Weird) was on their side.

From the desk of Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad:

HA! I am back where I belong! Now, I will take the reigns of my team at a time when they need it most. Although our monster forward Draco Glaurung will sit this out as he is still recovering from a concussion—we had to subdue him or else he’d be on the field today—I know I can count on our rookie sensation, Gromper Grîpper, who is fast and strong like a bull. Even if we lose tonight, I promise our supporters that they won’t suffer the shame of another loss like the one in Casari. Bushes Been Quaked, eh? What a stupid name for a nation! We will quake their bushes, rip them to shreds and send them home whimpering like scolded dogs with a bad case of the liver tail. They will rue the day they face Turruth Gordur! Oh yes, here is my roster for the game:

GK: Gorbag Madril –– Assegai Developments F.C. (Assegai Developments)

DF: Boldog Gothmog –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
DF: Varg Vikernes –– TBA
DF: Huldah Sangria –– TBA
DF: Ash Nazg –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)

MF: Uglúk Dramborleg –– TBA
MF: Shagrat Grishnákh –– TBA
MF: Magda the Forsaken –– TBA

AF: Gromper Grîpper –– TBA
AF: Dagor Bragollach –– F.C. Capri (Elves Security Forces) Captain
AF: Enid Bloodcrow –– TBA

As you can see, I maintained the 4-3-3 formation that Draco selected in our last match, and which yielded positive results for us against a much higher-ranked opponent. Gromper is back, Dagor Bragollach will be captain, and I have decided to start Enid Bloodcrow. This will be Enid’s first ever National Team start and we’re expecting good things from her as well. If Bushes Been Quaked thinks we’re going to show them any respect, they’ll be sorely surprised. We’ll bruise them from start to finish! FEAR TURRUTH GORDUR!

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur =VS= Bushes Been Quaked http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bushes_been_quaked.png

Milchamians Ruin a Perfect Run

It seemed to be that a Bazalope unbeaten run was on the cards, at least until they faced the Milchamian Warriors. The warriors were one of the teams that ruined the Bazalopes chances in the World Cup 33 which saw the Bazalopes in the Group of Death with the Robbers of Az-cz, managing only a draw against the gnomes.

The Milchamians over the strait have caused many problems soccer-wise for the Bazalopes, the AOCAF being the only exception. In this case the 34th World Cup. However the 5-3 score did not accurately portray what happened on the field. The Bazalopes had a total of 63% of the possetion but could not make the most of it, the previously good forwards of the Bazalope team failed to do their job with sloppy ball control which is an embarrasment to a team that is as highly ranked as the Bazalopes. The had 3 perhaps 4 decent opportunities to score but where let down by their sloppy play. It was amazing that they scored 3 goals, whatever happens now the Bazalopes have one more match to face before the half way mark for the tournament... The Bazalopes are currently 3 points behind Milchama on the table and 4 points ahead of Tynelia, though this is hope to be extended to 7 points on MD9.

---

"James, James!" excalimed a reporter as they harrased James Gaines just trying to get into his office "Atheistic Right have called for all religious nations to be banned from the World Cup, What's your response?"

"Firstly, Atheistic Right is not currently a World Cup Commitee member so it cannot make such suggestions and even if it was blanket banning religious nations from the World Cup would be stupid. Atheistic Right has failed to come up with any real backing to their claims, despite rhetoric and I will not do anything unless evidence is presented."

"Another thing, World Cup 34 signups? When are they going to be up?"

"As soon I'm able to get into my office, thank you and goodbye."

The Isangrad Times
SPORTSfeed

Let's Say It's Just A Flesh Wound
A Tough Win For Boyars

Well, it seems that after a rather poor game yesterday, the Boyars really are shrugging it off as a flesh wound. They played away again today against a team of nobodies. All they had to rely on was that their country's namesake is based on a popular comedic variety show, popular in Magnus Valerius and numerous other places like The British Empire... but anyways, the Valerians managed to pull through being awestruck by such a cool country name to make this a win for Magnus Valerius.

The game started off well. The Valerians got first ball and began working through a well-planned array of offensive moves. Vova explored the Pythonian defense, weaving through their line with the ball in tow. It seems that these players do not respond to the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch that Magnus Valerius launched at their net, thanks to Vova's fine playing. With Dariyanov and the first goal down at the 16th minute, the Pythian players lined themselves up to counterattack. They managed to squeak in two goals, closing the second half with 2 - 1, Valerians losing by one.

But the second half was a half of comeback play for the Valerians, who came out unexpectedly like the Spanish Inquisition or the Swiss Navy. It was no holds barred when Ardeshir Kemerhadi pulled through and launched a clean shot into the Pythonian net. Kemerhadi kneeled in excitement at his first international goal, praying to Ahura Mazda for his success today. George Illyanich called a time out in order to congratulate Kemerhadi on his goal point that tied the game at the 61st minute. The game continued on, with the Valerian defensive line holding well to Pythonian pressure. Jacques de Tadoussac spat at a player, earning him a yellow card, but other than that, there were no real screw-ups by the defense players today.

When the Valerians got a good possession again, it was Vova who shot out of nowhere with support from the team star von Hohenstauffen (von Hohenstauffen is a team player, who likes to let his fellow forwards score; his skill comes in setting up his teammates for great shots). With a sweaty mop of hair flailing over his eyes, Vova slid and nudged in another goal for the Valerians at the 79th minute. That was it! The Valerians finally were winning after a rather tough battle earlier on. The Valerians held in their formation, and while the Pythonians tried for an equalizer, they were denied twice by GK Yaroslavov and Gottliev's defensive rebuttals. The game ended with the Boyars in high spirits, and the Pythonians wondering why they would even think about marching in with their Flying Circus paraphernalia to try and beguile the Valerians.


Final Score

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_great_monty_python.png The Great Monty Python 2::3 Magnus Valerius http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png

Scorers

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_great_monty_python.png
Unknown Player (Let's say... The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog) - 2 (29, 41)


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png
Dariyanov - 2 (16, 79)
Kemerhadi - 1 (61)


The Group 7 Scoreboard

Milchama 7 1 0 22 34 10 24
Bazalonia 6 1 1 19 28 13 15
Tynelia 4 3 1 15 12 9 3
Magnus Valerius 2 4 2 10 13 12 1
Monty Python 3 1 4 10 13 19 -6
NMS 2 2 4 8 9 14 -5
East Lithuania 1 5 2 8 6 13 -7
Rorysville 1 4 3 7 5 9 -4
The Aqua Moose 1 3 4 6 13 21 -8
Croisland 0 2 6 2 5 18 -13

"Are you sure coming back to the world cup was a good Idea?"

"I am sure, the only way the world will know how we despise the old regime and what it had done was if we show them how we have changed."

"Well, have done so far?"

"So far only, accused the existance of a religious conspiracy against teams like Schort and The Archregimany. Something everyone knows happens but does not want to admit it."

"And under the old scheme we had done what at this stage, killed off a number of coaches, as well as a number of other dastardly insanities. Don't get me started on the old regime they were crazy."

"Okay good.... Well, I won't raise the latest results with you..."

"No, we should of done better against the Schort team and Coocoo-land place, whatever they are named but no, did you see anything that happened like in the BoF or in any of the other World Cups or soccer events? NO!"

"Well, I gotta go and see what I can do about the current situation."

"Good, I'm still planing something for the Schort's when they come here. bye"

Joseph Paleaologo sat at home on the couch, wondering how best to find out the result of last night's Holy Empire football match.

But he couldn't really be bothered.

Of course, there are those who would argue that this was a sign that Joe had become soft and lazy - that softness and laziness were rife in the Holy Empire....

But wasn't the national team doing rather well in qualification. Weren't they second in their qualifying group? Or something like that? Didn't this mean that the Imperial squad wasn't really that soft. Or lazy

Joe had a vague memory of a roller-coaster campaign involving lots of one-sided wins, and a couple of even more one-sided losses.

But he wasn't sure.

If only he could be bothered to renew his subscription to the Holy Empire Herald, or maybe put new batteries in the TV remote....

Maybe tomorrow.

In the meantime, he decided an advanced bout of idle thumb twiddling on a soft and comfy sofa was a more immediately enticing proposition. And after that, there was always the excitement of picking the lint out of his belly button....

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Stick That One In Your Pipe and Smoke It

THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - We're not entirely sure where we are, but we know one thing: we can sure kick some former nation rear end. This match took place in a dusty field in the middle of a dusty plain somewhere in Atlantian Oceania, but were not entirely sure where, we guess SOMEWHERE near where Hockey Canada used to be. But there were two goals at the opposite ends of a pitch, and well, we can score apparently. Since Andrew Creek has taken over management of the squad, he's scored fifteen goals in three games, and surrendered only one. That's right, a positive goal differential of fourteen. As the headline says, stick that one in your pipe and smoke it. Anyways, back to the game. The strikers scored. Alot. Many times against some generic socialist attention-whores. Not much to tell.

So things are looking up. One point behind Demot, five behind The Holy Empire and things are looking we will actually qualify. Well, for right now, that is all. It's kind of hard to write about a game against a side that doesn't really exist. We played in the middle of a @#$!%*^ dusty FIELD for $%!@# sakes. What do you want us to say? It's like the real life match of Andorra vs Germany or Italy. Not England though, because they find someway of botching it. Or like AFC Wimbledon vs Manchester United. No contest. What do you want me to say? *!@# I need to drink less.

Demot Daily ~ Erie Schiade

Strange things have been happening this Cup, very strange things, but nothing has happened to the happy go lucky Demotians, yet. However, that title officially flew by the wayside as they traveled to Schiavonia. With the nethers already toying with the former colony masters in the ESF, the Demotians should of known it was just a matter of time before the Dynamo were struck down by mother Earth and the odd ways of the cosmos. Sometime after the squad arrived for pre-game warm ups and heading out to start the match, the entire squad was made miniature! Each and every one of the Dynamo players went from the average size of 5'9" and 140 pounds to 3'0" and 70 pounds. It's hard enough to play Schiavonia with a normal and healthy squad, but when they get turned to midgets, it really is not fair in the least.

It's pretty much a given, but the Dynamo were totally crushed by the Schias, and have lost their treasured undefeated record. The squad should be able to rebound nicely though, as the wacky nation of Harelsburg comes to Skyhaven. The Dynamo do have a pause when considering their chances against the Harelsburg squad, and that is a right they deserve seeing as how Fort Europe were just upset by the upstarts.

"You just don't beat Fort Europe by luck, not with the kind of talent that nation produces for the football squads. You have got to have a lot of heart, grit, and skill in order to beat those fellows, so we're definitely not taking the Harelsburg squad lightly. We're going to go out there, and going to execute our game plan as best as possible. If we do it, then this game should be a piece of cake, yeah. But if we don't, I wouldn't be surprised if we lost or drew with them." were the words of the outspoken captain in Masteron.

Let them then practice and plan well. Finishing the first leg of qualifying with a leg up on squads like The Lowland Clans and Fort Europe would be a big boost to the growing fanaticism growing around the Dynamo. If it reaches anything like the magnitude of the ESF follower’s devotion, beware my friends, for anything might happen after a national team match. Regardless, the squad needs to focus on the now, and get ready for what could be a decent test in the final game of the first half of qualifying.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Elven Times
Dandy Kid

The Marauders are making their way back into contention, slowly but surely their talent is bringing in the results that they so deserve, but were being robbed of early in this tournament. Cocky perhaps was the name of the day as the Marauders played host to the relatively unknown nation of Lovisa, and thinking that the small known squad posed no feasible challenge to their might, Revtron decided to let most of the starting eleven take this game off, and used a starting line up of:

GK:#1 Jacob St. Louis

DF:#3 David Aligon
DF:#38 Manuel Lopez
DF:#23 Clint Centron
DF:#13 Placibus Hardsworth

RM:#2 Xanxz
LM:#16 Dorian Sonja

CAM:#34 Jere Jannian

RF:#21 Nikali Rikard
CF:#9 Kiso Night
LF:#11 Renai Adai

Most of these players have seen the national stage before, but with Lopez, Xanxz and Sonja all getting their first caps, the inexperience could of cost them. The Lovisans were quick to pick up on the lack of cohesiveness in the middle, and were able to pressure the backline into many mistakes while the midfield were too tentative to assist their besieged mates. This lead directly to the Lovisan goal in the eleventh minute when Aligon shanked his clearing attempt right off of the opposing strikers' head and straight back into the netting behind the younger of the St. Louis brothers.

The half brought with it the refreshment of the spirit for the starters, who were totally beset by the surprise challenge the unknowns were giving them. In spite of their poor play, Revtron decided not to criticize or belittle his players, but instead turned to a dusty copy of The Book of Elune II, The Redemption, and flipped through its' pages until he found the excerpt he was looking for, and began to speak to his team as an elf possessed.

Fear not the darkness thy brothers
The darkness is not your enemy
Though it may conceal your enemies
Disrupt and trouble your vision
The darkness is thou everlasting friend
Casting shadow upon which to cool
Being a beacon for creativity
Giver of cover when your enemies press
Go on my brothers of the faith
Reach out and accept the darkness of the unknown
Let it not trouble your thoughts anymore
As you make what would be your weakness
And strive it through your enemies
As it becomes your greatest strength.

With the inspirational preaching from their manager ringing loud in their ears, the inexperienced elves felt a surge of electricity flow from them, as they began the second half. It seemed as if the tables had turned, and it was the Lovisans who were the ones having problems communicating, with their strikers and midfield refusing to make it back to cover. The Marauders pressed and pressed, until Rikard found the prodigal son, Kiso Night, free and gave him a solid feed that begged to be sent into the netting, which the youngster obliged. He would do so again in the next minute, taking the ball clean off the Lovisan midfielder who had pushed it too far ahead of him in his attempt at a quick restrike, made down the length of the pitch, and had the energy and guts to put a hard shot between the keepers knees. The fans cheered and gasped at how calmly the youngster performed such an elegant maneuver, and how badly the keeper had just been embarrassed. The squad pushed the attack again, determined to make up some of their devastating goal differential in the injury time. Kiso had found Renai unmarked at the top of the box, and had sent her a decent lob which got volleyed on target, however the Lovisan keeper was in a great position, and calmly saved the shot and dribbled the ball around until the ref called the match

Elves Security Forces 2
Kiso Night (58,59)

Lovisa 1
??? (23)

Article by Luna Santapa

RP Cutoff for MD9

Jeruselem Government News

Details of "Project Bimbo" made public

A secret covert project by the Jeruselem Government News marketing has been revealed. It was Women's World Cup 5, and the management of the time weren't too bothered about attempting to raise the ratings. It was only world cup for women so the all male management at the time were not interested in any proposal to raise the ratings. Still marketing wanted to do it's job but it decided to it by stealth.

Rachel Kool was have to covered the event but disaster! She was pregnant and there were no other football reporters available who knew about football who could go. The last four Women's world cups did not have a reporter at the event and once again it looked like, some faceless journalist in a office would be writing coverage for the event again. Marketing at JGN had found out one of the footballers at the event wanted to be a journalist and somehow convinced the football management to use her as a reporter. The deal fell though because it wouldn't cost any more money and the footballer was already being paid to be there.

You all know who is football player is - the teenage Dazza Dallas at the time. Marketing has researched her background - being a cheerleader and weird character, and camera friendly. And also being a sister of Debbie Dallas, football legend. They had dug around for her real character and well she was not much of an angel, prone to misbehaving at school. Just the person they were looking for. A schoolgirly approach to reporting was just tonic for flagging ratings - and well, Dazza has not changed much at all. She's over 30 and still, she's the Dazza of her first media appearance. The only thing changed it she is older, married and has kids of her own. Oh yes, she's rather wealthy from bouncing around the small screen too.

Dazza didn't play a lot at the Women's world Cup 5, but when she finally played - it was a sensation. She played in the finals, helping the team beat Qazox to help the team win it's 2nd cup. Marketing wise, Project Bimbo worked. The marketing folks were happy, got their raise and Dazza Dallas made her debut. She appeared later in the World Cup XXX, yes XXX. Since then she's been reporting on any World cup since and well, cycling now.

Dazza's a nice girl really. OK, she's not a quiet Catholic girl but she's devoted Mum and someone who has passion for the whatever she does. She's my number one rival on TV but we are friends. Sometimes my wife and I go over to her place for parties. She even lends me one of her numerous sports cars when mine breaks down. Thank God for Project Bimbo. Otherwise, Jeruselem's football coverage would be like boring as hell because most Jeruselem journalists apart from Ricky Pointy Stick and Rachel Kool (not retired) - are just not the people you want covering the world cup. OK, I'm here but I'm not super exciting either. Just a big mouth with looks. If you want character, look at Dazza.

People may wish Dazza to change, but I think it's wrong. Once upon a time, people regard Jeruselem women as just obedient housewives at home with the kids. Dazza showed Jeruselem women can be Mums and have a career too - and be sexy.

Think about it, the illegimate daughter of an immigrant street-walker whore is now a international superstar. If Dazza can do doings, so can we. Nothing is impossible, you just need luck.

You know why Dazza's where she is? She's not afraid of risking something to make more. Take your chances, and make them pay well.

Wayne Wastle, Sports Presenter and Writer

OOC: this is an MD8 RP. I could not do one yesterday because of problems with my computer.

What's this? We lose again? I never knew we would do this badly, having gone so far in the qualification round, and only winning once, against one of the worst teams in the championshp. Really, I don't get why it was so hard to find a decent defense side. We have one of the worst defenses, and even a team like Sel appa, which we faced today, could get goals past us easily. Yes, in fact today we had a match against them, and they slipped 4 goals right past us. We only scored one, in the first half, with Rycerski knocking it in. Then it was just the Sel Appa team overwhelming our defense through the rest of the game. Hopefully by the next world cup i'll find better defenders, but for now, I can only hope things will improve.

- Aleksander Szary

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths, live from the KFS. I'm Dana Lee..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone."

"Well, it's the half way stage of qualifying, so it most be time for the WCS Halfway Review!"

"And this time, instead of just going through Schiavonia's group, we're going to do all of the groups. All nine of them!"

"Indeed we are. Fil's going to concentrate on Schiavonia, because that's where he's from, and I'm going to concentrate on the rest of the world, because that's where I'm from. Kind of."

"Tynelia is part of the rest of the world that isn't Schiavonia."

"Did you write this script, Fil?"

"No. So anyway, we're going to start, of course, with probably the best team in the world right now. Sch..."

"Jeruselem!"

"Jeruselem?"

"Yes, Jeruselem. World Cup finalists last time and a qualifying record spoilt only by a three-all home draw against New Propagandia. Jeruselem are not only one of the form teams in world football right now, but have been doing it for a few years, now. At this moment in time, you'd have to say they're the team that everyone will have to beat!"

"But.. what about us?"

"Fil, we're starting with Group One. Surely the most logical place to start, no?"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"So anyway, Jeruselem are looking strong, Kelssek look the most exciting team to watch in qualifying, while Northern Caesarea have been a major disappointment so far."

"Serves them right!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, they're a nation of liars and cheats."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Probably the only nation in the entire competition that we don't get on with."

"Oh."

"So a prediction, then?"

"Well Jeruselem and Bettia are looking safe bets, so the other place should end up with those little Elves Security Forces. Don't be surprised to see Bostopia in the play-offs, either. Moving on, Group Two has just one point covering the top four positions! And even more unusual, former power Fmjphoenix aren't one of them, sitting down in a measly sixth!"

"So who are they, then?"

"Well, cup holders Ariddia are in there in third place, one point behind the ever-so-sligtly more moderate, but still pretty extreme, monks from The Archregimancy, level on points with the very photogenic Cafundéu and one ahead of Northern Bettia."

"Not even normal Bettia? Just the bit in the North?"

"You got that just from the name, Fil? Well done..."

"What? What did I do?"

"Anyway, Expect the current top three to go though to the finals here."

"Onto Group Three!"

"Actually, we'll save that for the end, Fil. Don't want to spoil your big finish now, do we?"

"Oh, OK. Group Four then, Dana."

"And Krytenia, who were expected to be first team through in some quarters, are struggling by their standards in third place."

"Really?"

"Yes, behind Qazox and Assegai."

"WOW!"

"But that's not the worst of it. Cuation, who made the quarter-finals of World Cup 32, are miles away from making it to 33, nine points off Krytenia in seventh place. Level on points with another fallen giant, Vilita."

"That's really not what both of those nations would be evpecting."

"And, looking at the nations who are at the top, you can't see them slipping up now."

"Group Five isn't that clean cut, though."

"You can say that again, Fil. Four time winners Rejistania are as good as through, which will please our regionmates, but the rest is very much up for grabs. The biggest surprise so far is Nebuleux, who are a French-speaking League outpost of Qutar, currently sitting four points ahead of the World Cup 30 co-hosts."

"They'll still make it, though. Won't they?"

"Well, it will be very tough indeed. Nebuleux will be expected to fade away, leaving Errinundera, Sel Appa and Qutar to fight it out for two places. Qutar might have to settle for fourth, and in a group like this one, that won't be good enough for a play-off."

"Blimey. It'll be odd not having them around. Group Six, then."

"Casari and Wentland look safe bets, Oliverry will probably overcome Spruitland for third. Spruitland into the play-offs. But it's not a group that's given us many surprises. In footballing terms, anyway. The behaviour of some of the fans, however, has left a lot to be desired for."

"But not a subject for now. A better one will be Group Seven."

"And fans of New Montreal States, of which we have some here in Schiavonia, I believe, will think that the table is upside down! A top ten team looking to push on not that long ago, they're currently below the football powerhouse that is The Aqua Moose. In ninth place! NINTH! All that means is that the top three get an easy route to the finals, which includes... you're not going to believe this... TYNELIA!"

"Really? Your guys aren't going to screw up this time?"

"In that company, no way! Now, Liverpool England, on the other hand, already seem to have screwed up. Big time! The former champs are sixth in Group Eight, as another current top three look like certainties for the finals."

"These are all quite boring predictions, Dana."

"They wouldn't have been at the begining of the campaign, Fil. You wouldn't have had LE and NMS doing that badly, would you?"

"I suppose..."

"Anyway, onto my last group, and here end with the team that are probably Jeruselem's main threat to the crown of top team in the world right now..."

"Dana, can I stop you there. Schiavonia are in Group Three. The one we're doing after the break."

"I was going to say Squornshelous."

"Oh."

"They're not running away with the group, but that's only because they've got a decent rival in Capitalizt SLANI. The rest of the group look keen not to make it to the finals, which has allowed surprise package Schorteskatascansolani into third place."

"Well done with saying that, Dana."

"Thanks. Still, in the end, the experience of Turori's Cocobos, Eels, Browns or whatever else you want to call thems will probably edge through. Though more by default than any kind of ability."

"So, there you have it. Eight groups down, one to go. Expect Betsmen all over Schiavonia to have queues out the door now that Dana's made her predictions. But, of course, the most important group to all you Sloths fans is still to come. Join us after the break when I will be casting my eye over the teams in Group Three, and will try to predict how long Schiavonia will take to make it through to the finals. See you in a couple of minutes!"

The Nation of Casari is proud to bring you

A Short, Nonsensical Quasi-World-Cup Related discussion

----------

"I wonder what penguin tastes like." David wondered aloud.

"Ugh, I don't." Maria replied, looking down on practice from the president's box. "They're all fat, it probably tastes really oily."

"Have you eaten penguin?"

"No, but how could something with that much fat taste good?"

"Mmm, that's what's holds in the flavor."

"... alright, put down your crack pipe before you jump out of the freaking box."

"I bet it'd be best roasted. Skin it, take out the guts, and roast it."

"... Damn you. I need chicken now."

"But we were talking about penguin. You should keep up."

"..."

"I wonder if there's a restaruant that serves penguin. They serve all sorts of nasty stuff, penguin should be no problem."

"What is wrong with you."

"What?"

"You have an unhealthy fixation. I could get you thrown into a nuthouse and get your job. It's the law."

"It is not the law. Don't be a dink."

"It's not like your job is hard. We spend most of the time drinking on the CSA's expense account."

"Yeah, it is a sweet job. How did we get it again?"

"Don't you remember? There was a horrible matchfixing scandal?"

"... not really, no."

"Ugh."

"So anyway, I'm thinking we should get a zebra."

"To play on the team?"

"No, it'd just be cool to have one."

"... Maybe there's something in the building, like the insulation, that makes people completely mad." Maria said, shaking her head and climbing the steps out of the box.

"Probably." David said as she left.

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right listeners its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth tellin’ it like it is once again. And good news listeners the world cup has finally reached the halfway point so its only a matter of time before our sister station WSOC doesn’t have to worry about dealing with any soccer for four more years. Oh sure some deluded people might say that after Jakes got a pair of goals to upset Bazalonia that the team is in the clear for its first world cup. All I know in most sports if you go 2-1-0 against the top three teams in the group you usually find yourself near the top. Tynelia? Nope barely hanging on to third because they put up even more of a snooze fest against the lousy teams they should beat. And that’s why you’ll never see Tynelia in the World Cup. End it now, for the children at least!

“Quick polling note. Seems the bandwagon jumpers are trying to get back into this soccer team. Been getting a few emails lately attacking my truths about soccer. Last polls show me losing a few points but that’s still a margin of error thing. My advisors say I should say something nice about soccer to turn things around. But that’s not how Mike McPhee works. I don’t bend, I don’t break. However I will say this about soccer. Even though its as exciting as watching two ninety year olds playing checkers and the matches are as decisively finished as an internet argument, all that running around for ninety minutes is good exercise I suppose. Scenery doesn’t change but hey some people like looking at the same thing. And that’s probably the last good thing you’ll hear from the Voice of Truth about soccer.

“Now people have been asking. ‘Mike why do you think you can win this election. You’re nothing more than an ex-sports commentator who wrote a few newspaper articles. What experience do you have?’ Well let me say this. When most people try to coddle these multi-millionaires just because they’re good at a sport. I’ve always said if they stink then I’ll say they stink and I don’t care who they are or what they make. Government has gone too long listening to the art of talking without saying anything or lying through their teeth when you do get a straight answer out of them. You’ll get none of that with me and that’s how we’ll get things done. Cut right through the bureaucracy with some straight shootin’. If those bigwigs in Tyr don’t like that well that’s too bad. I’m a man who believes in getting things done and won’t sit for the usual games they play in the government. No sirree listeners. I’ll be there just like I am here, tellin’ it like it is whether they like it or not. Experience you say? I say experience at doubles-peak, experience at lying and experience at doing nothing. That’s what experience gives you politically.

“Good news listeners the phone lines are open this week so guess what caller, this is the Voice of Truth and you’re on the air!”

“Wow that’s great, I always try to get on these shows and this is like the first time ever!”

“Well congratulations caller. What’s your question?”

“Well I just wanted to know if you’re going to save the beaches. I mean the surf’s just tearin’ up the beachfront properties outside of Varrik.”

“Well, saving the beaches is just part of what my enviormentally friendly presidency is about. Why build soccer fields when you can help the economy by preserving our beaches for Tynelians from all over the country to enjoy and to attract visitors from beyond our borders. Volleyball is a much better watch than soccer I have to say.”

“You know it man!”

“Thanks for calling Have a great night. Now here’s an email from Josey who doesn’t want her address mentioned over the air. Josey writes. ‘How do you respond to Vice President Sallas’ remarks that you’re nothing more than a rabble rouser with no real agenda except to bash soccer?’

“Well Josey, sounds like our illustrious vice president is hearing from footsteps creeping up behind him. Before the last polls neither he or Mallack even bothered directing any comments towards the ‘pack’ as they called it. Now all of a sudden he feels he needs to take a shot at the Voice of Truth. Well Josey, this is clearly a tactic of a scared man. Despite the last polls, the VP knows I’m here for the long run and wants to cut me off at the legs before I get too strong. Is tellin’ the truth rabble rousing? Then I guess I’m guilty of it. They want to keep my voice silent because I see through all their games to the hypocrites they really are. Not so with Mike McPhee, what you see is what you get and they can’t handle it.

“Well the station manager is signaling to me that I’m almost out of time so I just want to again thank my supporters for their help in making the Voice of Truth something to be heard this election. And as always you can still visit Voiceoftruth.com and email me your thoughts and comments. I’m always happy to hear from my supporters and we’ve just added a paybuddy account there so you can donate to my campaign from the comforts of your own home. We’ve already raised 173,000 vinlis in just one week keep the contributions coming and let your voices be joined with mine. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy.png The Archregimancy 3-0 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Trip to the Dreamed Realm, and all goes wrong

This was not at all how it was supposed to happen.

Ariddia’s first defeat in this competition. And the first time it failed to score a goal.

Before the match, the atmosphere was one of excitement and anticipation. The Rouge-et-Noirs had stated they were looking forward to visiting the Archregimancy, and Ariddia’s five female players (al Safi, Zandberg, Lee, Ley and du Valdor) were reportedly honoured to be among the few women ever allowed into the monastic nation. Likewise, Sio Epa is perhaps the first and only fa’afafine ever to have visited the Archregimancy.

Meanwhile, the Outraged Association and the Association of Atheist Ariddians Alarmed About Admirable Archregimancy Monk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12345417&postcount=306) continued to press the Monastic authorities for news of everyone’s favourite Fr. Vasily. Their concern was greeted with friendly amusement by most Ariddians.

Most interesting, perhaps, was the fact the Ariddians would be facing one of their own –Br. Innocent of Ariddia. There was some talk – perhaps not entirely serious – that Br. Innocent would not only face the Rouge-et-Noirs’ ulek, but would perform it right back at them.

“That would be an interesting situation,” team captain Chloé al Safi admitted, “but I don’t think it’s likely. Br. Innocent is, after all, an Orthodox monk-in-training. His team mates might not view it as entirely appropriate.”

The meeting between Ariddia and the Archregimancy was also a meeting between two pre-match cultural traditions: the ulek and the Divine Liturgy. In theory, tradition demanded that the ulek be performed after the national anthems, and just prior to kick-off. In practice, however, the AFA accepted to perform the fearsome war chant before the Divine Liturgy.

“It will lose some of its impact,” al Safi pointed out regretfully. “You’re supposed to impress and frighten your opponents, then go straight into the match before the effect can wear off. With the Divine Liturgy between the two, the effect will, unfortunately, have had more than enough time to wear off. Way more than enough time.”

This was followed by a discreet but heart-felt sigh. Rumour has it the Rouge-et-Noirs had been training harder for the “ordeal” of standing through the Liturgy than for the match itself.

“Of course, we respect the Archregimancy’s cultural traditions,” al Safi was quick to add.

But, when the time came, the twelve Ariddians on the bench looked suspiciously pleased that they were not among the starting eleven standing through the anthems.

The match itself. . . Well, “disastrous” would probably be putting it mildly. Although the Archregimancy is anything but a weak team, few would have expected the Rouge-et-Noirs to go down by nil goals to three. . . thus slipping from first to third place in group 2.

At the end of the game, Xavier Xu left the field without a word, looking tense and distinctly unhappy with himself.

Coach Yves al Jahdali has promised the team would “review its strategy”, without further detail.

As per usual, we join our aged heroes George and Ali as they settle themselves down to watch a spot of quality footy... but not in their usual place in the nice and cosy Pie and Pixie. Oh no dear readers, thanks to George's good fortune, we find them in Tiddles Park, the creme de la creme of Bettian football stadiums (or is it stadia? And more importantly, who gives a toss?). VIP box number 1 - that's their location, sat halfway up the main stand in line with the middle of the pitch. A perfect vantage point for any game, but for this vital top-of-the-table match, it's absolutely priceless. And when that's coupled with an all-you-can-eat buffet of tea and scones - luxury tea and luxury scones, mind - well, it's a dream come true for our octogenarian 'Rora Boys and their pals.

So, the players are just marching onto the pitch, the atmosphere is pretty damn near explosive, and all eyes are firmly fixed onto the turfed stage below, right? Wrong, for George has spotted something far more interesting. He can't be take the odd sneaky glance over to the VIP box next to them, and who just happens to be sat right there? Why, it's Jerusalem's very own slapper extraordinaire Dazza Dallas, who seems to be engrossed in a small book. George, being the sexist old bugger that he is, supposes she's trying to understand the offside rule.

Who knows.

Who cares.

All he cares about is the football shirt she's wearing - it seems to be one size too small and it's hugging her ample figure a little too tightly, showing off her pert...

"George! GEORGE! Eyes front, you old pervert!" Ali yells, trying hard to make himself heard above the rising din of the 102-thousand capacity crowd as they welcome their players, who are lining up ready for their national anthems.

"Eh? Oh, sorry Ali. I was - ahem - distracted."

"Yeah, I can see that. What would our Doris say if she could see you now?"

"Heh. What would the stadium stewards say if they could see you smuggled Bapty and her litter into the ground?" George replies in a very 'touché' manner, pointing to the group of aroras huddled around Ali's feet.

"Yeah, yeah, alright." said Ali as he carefully put down his bone china teacup emblazoned with the FAB logo and stood up, ready to belt out 'Brothers of Bettia' as loud as his lungs could manage.

So far so good - the first eight lines out of the way, and his throat's holding up well, even though he can barely hear himself. And the noise only gets louder as the anthem enters it's jauntier second bit, reaching a deafening crescendo at the last three lines:

♪ Our enemies may scorn us ♪
♪ So rise up and join us ♪
♪ Cry out as one! BETTIA! BETTIA! ♪

With a deafening cheer, the formalities are complete and the crowd settle down to enjoy the match...

...but not old George. He just can't keep his eyes off the harlot in the neighbouring VIP box...


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME....W 4-2
04: Jeruselem...............Away....L 2-6
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-1
06: New Propagandia.........Away....W 2-0
07: Elves Security Forces...Away....W 3-0
08: Collonie................HOME....W 3-1
09: Kelssek.................Away....W 4-3
10: Jeruselem...............HOME
11: Bostopia................Away
12: Kelssek.................HOME
13: Marceau State...........Away
14: New Propagandia.........HOME
15: Collonie................Away
16: Lovisa..................HOME
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME

The Anyuna Observer: demon rhymes like a theme from fight night
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
It's Tight At The Top

Northern Bettia..........5 (Devanallt 9, Hiyashibara 17 78 88, Sakasayou 45+3)
Algal States..................3 (Player #9 36 47, Player #8 52)

As the World Cup qualification trails reaches its halfway, how many Northerners would have expected their boys to be keeping pace at the top of the table? How many football experts wold have expected to see the Fire Ants just two points away from the leaders, and one from the reigning champs? No, many in the colony would have expected to be mid-table at best, but it seems that the Fire Ants have managed to carry their Baptism of Fire form through the first half.

The Algal States were the latest visitors to Sakura Park, where they faced a Northern Bettian squad who, for the first time since the first couple of games, were able to field a full-strength first XI. A fired-up Gwrlais Devanallt leading the charge soon put the Ants ahead with a viciously dipping half-volley. Eight minutes later, Hiyashibara followed suit, catching an Algal defender on the ball then nutmegging the goalkeeper to put the home team two-up after less than twenty minutes.

The away team pulled a goal back after 36 minutes, their star striker rising up in the area to beat the Fire Ants defence to a corner... but Northern Bettia re-established their two-goal cushion deep into injury time, thanks to an incisive run from Sakasayou, cutting in from the wing and electing to go it alone in favour of setting up his team-mates. Thankfully for the Minini winger, he wasn't left with egg on his face, lashing the ball past the keeper to score the Fire Ants' third.

Three-one up and seemingly cruising, Northern bettia appeared to let their guard down and they were punished as the Algal States somehow pulled themselves level after a crazy purple patch in which they scored twice in the space of five minutes. That was the cue for some frantic attacking in all senses of the word, with any away player who lingered on the ball finding themselves on the receiving end of a hefty tackle.

Thankfully, Northern Bettia also did some attacking of the good kind, and it was man-of-the-match Old Hiyashibara who spares the Ants' blushes with a late double to secure his hat-trick and another vital three points for the home team.

Northern Bettia will certainly need to have their shooting boots on them as they face a terribly tough trio of matches, starting with two away trips to Fmjphoenix and The Archregimancy before hosting Ariddia. These next three matches could literally make or break the Fire Ants' outside chances of qualifying.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT.............VENUE...RESULT
01: Zwangzug.............HOME....W 2-1
02: Cafundéu.............Away....W 2-1
03: Ariddia..............Away....L 0-2
04: Fmjphoenix...........HOME....W 3-2
05: Houersteinzer........Away....D 1-1
06: The Archregimancy....HOME....L 1-3
07: Tanah Burung.........HOME....W 3-1
08: Dance 2 Revolution...Away....W 1-0
09: Algal States.........HOME....W 5-3
10: Fmjphoenix...........Away
11: The Archregimancy....Away
12: Ariddia..............HOME
13: Tanah Burung.........Away
14: Houersteinzer........HOME
15: Algal States.........Away
16: Zwangzug.............Away
17: Dance 2 Revolution...HOME
18: Cafundéu.............HOME

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.34

Present: The Chairman, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and then noticed that the only other person present was Miss Widmore. He read the apologies again and concluded that the apologies were actually from the previous meeting.

The Chairman asked Miss Widmore whether the meeting had been arranged and she said yes, she was sure she had, the letters had all gone out the previous week. The Chairman demanded proof and Miss Widmore found page 427 of the Letter Ledger which duly stated that forty-seven letters giving notice of the latest meeting had been sent to members of the Wentland FA.

The Chairman asked for what date the meeting had been set and Miss Widmore stated that the meeting was to take place tomorrow.

The Chairman asked why Miss Widmore had been wasting his time and Miss Widmore said that the Chairman had called her into the boardroom and she did not like to disobey. The Chairman approved of such obeisance.

The Chairman then decided whilst they were in the boardroom to turn on the televisual signal projector. The Chairman noticed that a football match was taking place in an unknown venue where he recognized the face in the red tracksuit. The Chairman stated that it was a good job the meeting was tomorrow as they could not obtain a World Cup report. Miss Widmore asked why the Chairman was not at the match and he stated that someone - possibly Bert the Spiv - had told him that Wentland's opponents, whom he called "Cesibia", no longer existed. Miss Widmore noted that Cesibia seemed to be present on screen and the Chairman agreed, subject to ruminations on the nature of existence.

The Chairman asked for tea and biscuits and Miss Widmore brought in some Earl Green and a Richly Digesting. The Chairman passed a vote of thanks to Miss Widmore and invited her to watch the match. Miss Widmore agreed and the Chairman and Miss Widmore concurred that it was a splendid spectacle, with Wentland winning by two late goals to one against a feisty, if marginally existing, opposition.

There being no quorum the meeting was declared aborted.

Miss Widmore let out an anguished expostulation as she typed the last sentence. "If there be no meeting, there is no need for these minutes...what am I wasting my life for?"

The Crimson Blade

The Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in the woods, and for the first time the Assegai Developments National Team took the one less traveled by…And that made all the difference.

While apologies are in order for Robert Frost, the Riskbreakers of Assegai don’t have to offer any more apologies to their supporters, thanks to a very impressive 2-0 victory at Vilita (the No. 26-ranked team in NationStates).

The win away from the friendly confines of Cathedral Park was only the second for Assegai, and their first since opening up the NSWC XXXIII qualifying campaign on the road with a huge win over No. 15 Cuation.

The man of the match was clearly Assegai goalkeeper Akihiko Yoshida, who made several acrobatic saves en route to earning his second clean sheet of the tournament. In fact, the Vilitans responded with oohs and aahs and respectful applause for Yoshida, especially toward the end of the game.

With Yoshida solid in goal, the absence of Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot (serving a one-game red card suspension) didn’t hang as heavily as it could have been against such a quality opponent like Vilita. In fact, forward-converted-midfielder (and captain for this match) Sidney Losstarot filled in respectively, pulling the strings at midfield and orchestrating the first goal of the game after drawing three defenders on a run and filtering a pass to streaking midfielder Duane Grissom, who nailed a vicious shot past the Vilitan keeper in the 72nd minute.

The goal broke the scoreless deadlock and both teams were suddenly charged with a sense of urgency. However, it was Assegai who took advantage of the sudden rush of attacks from both sides when forward Stephen de Cobham combined with forward Samantha Neesa to beat the Vilita backline and curl a shot past the diving Vilitan keeper for the 2-0 lead.

The final minutes of the match were spent in a furious battle for control of midfield, with Vilita breaking on a few runs that were either cleared by the Assegai defense or killed by one of Yoshida’s 12 superb saves.

As the ref whistled the end of the match, Assegai players dog-piled Yoshida and carried him to the center circle, where they exchanged handshakes and jerseys with the Vilitan players. Both teams left the field to the mild applause of Vilitan fans and the scattered cheers from Assegai supporters who made the trip to Vilita.

With the win, Assegai leapfrogs No. 1 Krytenia, who was held to a surprising 2-2 draw at home by a weak Lethislavania side. Assegai hopes to add to Krytenia’s woes and avenge the 3-1 thrashing they received in Krytenia, when both teams square off next week in the rematch at Cathedral Park.

-----

Elsewhere, in YoungWorld region action, Elves Security Forces is finally playing like the team everyone expected, beating Group 1 bottom feeders Collonie 3-0. In Group 3, Fort Europe beat Hockey Canada 1-0, preserving their chances of advancing the Proper. Meanwhile, Random Toast suffered a crushing 0-4 loss to last place Cluichstan in Group 4 and don’t seem very likely to advance. However, despite looking terrible at times, Turruth Gordur has managed to put together a few modest results, the latest being a 3-3 draw with Bushes Been Quaked.

Match Summary

(26) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/vilita.png Vilita 0
(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

[VIL]
None

[AD]
Duane Grissom (72’)
Stephen de Cobham (81’)

@ Vilita

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU WINS AND IS IN THE SECOND PLACE AFTER THE FIRST NINE GAMES

http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/1711/3085148610gacafqp9.jpg
Ray Kirs scores the first goal for Cafundéu

The first half of the World Cup qualifiers is over. After nine games, Cafundéu was able to get twenty points, finishing in the second position. But, unfortunately, Northern Bettia is still only with one point less, and the supporters are worried, hoping to see the Fire Ants losing their games. But Cafundéu continues in good form, and could show that defeating Tanah Burung by the result of 4x1.

Once again, Ganz Ijak didn’t play well and was substituted. But the team used well the midfield and could score in the first minutes after a strong attack. The coach will probably use the same strategy for the last games, trying to score a goal in the first minutes and then retreating to hold the good result. Cafundéu hopes to finish at least in the third position, and qualify for the World Cup.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game trying to defeat Tanah Burung in the first minutes. A missed chance of Ganz Ijak in the first minute happened, but soon Cafundéu scored. Priotto was with the ball in the midfield and saw Kirs in a good position. He passed the ball and Kirs tried to cross the ball, but it went directly to the goal. Ray Kirs, surprised, just commemorated. Read Breno Gavião:

“Another fast attack of Cafundéu. Prrrrriotto passes the ball to Kirs, the winger crrrrrrrrrrosses it... WHAT? Is a goal! Look at it, incrrrrredible! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! An unintentional goal for Cafundéu! Ray Kirs, number thrrrrree! Cafundéu one, Tanah Burrrrrung zero!”

Cafundéu continued to attack with full strength, trying to score the second goal soon. But this didn’t happen. Tanah Burung made an intelligent strategy and stopped Cafundéu’s attacks. After the tenth minute, a defender took the ball from Kliek and started a counterattack. The ball reached a winger, who dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Oh, no! Kliek lost the ball, herrrrre comes Tanah Burrrrrung! A fast counterrrrrattack, a winger got the ball, Sávio tries to tackle him, he was drrrrribbled, the opponent shot! It’s a goal! Goal for Tanah Burrrrrung! Tanah Burrrrrung one, Cafundéu one!”

After suffering a goal, the monopolists decided to attack using less players, but still with strength. The wings were explored by both teams, and some chances were saw. Cafundéu attacked with Anormal, who received the ball from Agrião and shot, but the ball went over the bar. Tanah Burung replied with an attacker, who invaded the area and shot, but it was weak and Vargas saved. The attacker asked for a penalty, but the referee ignored him. Cafundéu had another chance with Ganz Ijak, but the goalkeeper saved.

The first half was ending in a draw, and the supporters started to complain, as they thought that this would be an easy game. So, the team returned to attack in numbers, but the results just appeared in the last minutes of the game. Ray Kirs reached the attack and crossed the ball to the area. The ball passed through the area and Heitor hit it to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Final minutes of the first half. Don’t forget to watch our halftime show! Kirs with the ball, he crrrrrrrrrrosses, everrrrrybody trrrrries to hit the ball, it’s leaving the arrrrrea. No, Heitor hits it! Look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see the rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu two, Tanah Burrrrrung one!”

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/7034/4044079314gacafnz4.jpg
Heitor commemorates his second goal in the game

And, in the injury time, Cafundéu scored again. In another attack, Anormal passed the ball to Ganz Ijak. The attacker shot, the keeper saved. Kliek took the rebound and shot, but the ball hit the post. Heitor took the rebound, shot, but the defender blocked the ball. Heitor shot again, and this time scored the goal, two minutes after the beginning of the injury time. Read Breno Gavião:

“The rrrrreferrrrree is looking at his clock, last chance of the half. Anormal passes, Ijak shots... look at the goal! No, the keeper saves, now Kliek will shoot... look at the goal! No, the ball hit the post, this time is Heitor who will shoot... look at the goal! No, the defender blocked, Heitor again... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! What a difficult goal to scorrrre! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu three, Tanah Burrrrrung one!”

For the second half, the coach Franz Braddock made some changes in the team, and prepared Renário to enter during the second half. With a good result in hands, Cafundéu controlled the ball possession. After ten minutes, the second half was very boring, as Cafundéu was just doing short passes in the midfield while Tanah Burung couldn’t react.

After that, Renário entered in Ganz Ijak’s place, and Tanah Burung made two changes aiming the draw or the victory. And had some good chances before the middle of the second half. In the first one, an attacker invaded the area and shot, Vargas saved, but gave the rebound. Another attacker headed the ball, but sent it wide. In another chance, Becão fouled an opponent and received the yellow card, and is suspended for the next match.

Cafundéu started to reply. In one good opportunity, Heitor was near to score his hattrick, receiving the ball from Priotto and dribbling two players. He shot, but the ball hit a defender and went wide. Sávio Ferrari headed the ball after the corner, but sent it over the bar. Before the twentieth minute, Kliek was fouled inside the area. Penalty kick. Renário took it and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Kliek invades the area, drrrrribbles an opponent. PENALTY! Penalty kick for Cafundéu! Who will take it? Kliek or Rrrrrenário? It’ll be Rrrrrenário. He prrrrepares, shoots... and it’s a goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look to the replay! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrenário, number twenty-one! Cafundéu four, Tanah Burrrung one!”

Cafundéu considered the game “killed”, as Tanah Burung didn’t have enough power to react and score at least three goals. So, Cafundéu could control the game easily, and even tried to score more goals in the last minutes of the game, but missed too many chances. Braddock also put Manuel Padaria in Agrião’s place, to reinforce the defensive midfield sector of the team.

Chances were still seen, but they weren’t too good. In one of them, Renário invaded the area and shot, but the goalkeeper saved easily. The game was reaching its end and the supporters already started to commemorate the good result.

After the game, some players commented the game with the media. Heitor was the first: “It’s good to return scoring two goals, after a bad experience in the game against Houersteinzer. I hope that I continue scoring and playing well.” Ray Kirs talked too: “Another good game for us. Our campaign is very good and I’m sure that we can go to the World Cup if we continue with the hard work.”

Ganz Ijak talked too: “These last games weren’t too good for me, but they were good for the team, and is this what matters. If I score and the team loses, my goal wasn’t so important, so it’s better to win playing badly than to lose playing a good game.” The coach Franz Braddock said: “Another victory of the strategy. I’m doing the possible to help the team and I’m sure that I’m one of the main responsible for these victories.”

The team’s next nine games will be, in this order: Zwangzug(away), Fmjphoenix(home), Algal States(home), Houersteinzer(away), The Archregimancy(home), Dance 2 Revolution(home), Tanah Burung(away), Ariddia(home) and Northern Bettia(away).

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/3908/4044048007gacafdm4.jpg
Cafundéu could get a good result in Dunboor

CAFUNDÉU 4x1 TANAH BURUNG

Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor.
Attendance: 77,000 people (more than full capacity).
Referee: Anton Kepmanschaapt (Starblaydia).
MOTM: Ray Kirs (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Agrião (Manuel Padaria 65’), Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Brahma (Falcus 45’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak (Renário 55’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

TANAH BURUNG: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Kirs 5’ , Heitor 44’/45’+ , Renário 64’.
TAB: A winger 13’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Zwangzug: Vargas, Vandick, Wantuirso, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto and Kliek; Heitor, Renário and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Seth Jap (Atheistic Right).

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Goalscorers after 9 games:

7- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
4- Renário
3- Anormal
2- R. Kliek
1- J. Kimball, H. Ijak, J. Priotto, R. Kirs and Becão

BE CALM TELEVISION: COMMENTS ABOUT THE LAST TWO GAMES
Commentated by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Verônica Branus
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

DR. SAMPAIO: “One more special program about our last two games for you, patients of Landau Institute. Estresse Intenso played against Tessan and Kulikovia, winning four points in two good game for us. I and Verônica will make some comments about both games, right Verônica?”

DR. BRANUS: “Of course, Santiago. Our team, with this games, reached the fourth position in the tables, passing Sativaville. But we didn’t get a playoff spot. Maybe we can, if we continue playing well. Another interesting fact of these games is that Gabalán returned to play well, scoring all the four goals of these games. That’s all I have to say.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Okay, so we’ll talk first about the game against Tessan. It’s strange to play against a bunch of masked knights. And this look dangerous too, but nothing serious happened. Our goal was scored by Gabalán, while they scored with the only unmasked player, called Miller Wallace of Chamberville. So, Verônica?”

DR. ZEMEK: “Good result, as we were playing away. Tessan isn’t a bad team and we could get a point. Surely it was strange to play against knights, but we could get some advantage because their clothes are really hot and because their best player can be easily found in the field. Let’s see the coach’s comments”:

“A point away against a better team is always good. So, I must admit that I’m happy with this result against Tessan. The midfield worked well and we could score because of that.”

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/1382/wc8640seihn5.jpg
Dumitrache runs with the ball

TESSAN 1x1 ESTRESSE INTENSO

Place: unknown place, in Tessan.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Michael Barney (Nedalia).
MOTM: Anton Dumitrache (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tessan.png TESSAN: BK #10, BK #8 (BK #15), BK #9 and BK#6; BK #7, BK #13, BK #1 and BK #2 (BK #3); BK #4, BK #5 and Miller Wallace of Chamberville.
Coach: Sir James Kenmore.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói (Antunes 80’), Manga and Bergue; Sardinha (César Nobre 50’), Dumitrache, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

Goals:TES: Miller Wallace of Chamberville 28’.
EIT: Gabalán 62’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DR. SAMPAIO: “About the game against Kulikovia now. A good win, by the result of three against one. The team played well, scoring three goals in the first half. They only scored in the last minutes of the game. So, Verônica, what are your comments about this game?”

DR. BRANUS: “A great first half of our players, playing in front of millions of supporters. In the second half the team just controlled the result, although made some mistakes and suffered a goal. But, in general, it was a good game and we deserved the victory. The coach commented”:

“Is good to play at home. Today we had a good game and defeated our opponent. Maybe we can get a better position if we continue to play well, but who knows?”

http://img409.imageshack.us/img409/8725/imagemeies5.jpg
Estresse Intenso attacked a lot in the first half

ESTRESSE INTENSO 3x1 KULIKOVIA

Place: Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 51,417,881 people (half of Landau Institute patients) – using a special room.
Referee: La-Shk (Az-Cz).
MOTM: Carlos Alberto Gabalán (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Flores; Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes (Araújo 71’) and Bogdan; Ponte Pênsil (Mendes 67’) and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kulikovia.png KULIKOVIA: no team released.

Goals:EIT: Gabalán 29’/33’/40’.
KUL: Attacker 87’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIT – next game’s formation: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Bergue; Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Michael Lascaro (Alasdair I Frosticus).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 9 games:

11- C. Gabalán
2- Bogdan and V. Dos Alpes
1- A. Dumitrache and F. Ponte Pênsil

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

Halfway Home and Looking good.
Quintessence of Dust -2 QAZOX-4

After 9 games, nobody in the universe would have though that Qazox would have 7 wins and be in 1st place in Group 4, four points ahead of #1 Krytenia and 9 points ahead of the play-in spot. But they are and so far only a few teams have better records, more goals and better goal differentials.

Today Qazox travelled to Quintessence of Dust, who were the early rabbits out of the gate, but after today's match, QoD finds itself in 4th place.

Ione Nemetz got a 2nd straight start, and Kyle Horton took a day off, but that mattered little to the new offensive power that Qazox has become. Nemetz scored in the 11th to open up the match, and Jonathon Sarafin became the youngest and quickest Qazoxian player to score 10 goals in qualifing as he scored twice in the 27th and 34th to make it 3-0. But QoD's offensive threats Longhorn and Young answered in the 43rd and 52nd minutes to cut the lead down to 3-2. But Sonja Clay managed to slip by the defense and in the 72nd added the final margin of victory 4-2.

A quick look at other Q Continuum teams finds Sativaville at 4-1-4 in the thick of the play-in race; while Green Wombat has just hit the skids with their amateur players at 2-2-5.

Up next for the Black Oxen is a trip back home for Lethislavania, whom we Drew 2-2 to start qualifing. 2 months later, Qazox looks like they should win in a walk, 4-1.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Nemetz (4)- 11', Sarafin (9,10), 27', 34'; Clay (5)- 72'
Quintessence of Dust: Roger Longhorn- 43'; Dennis Young-52'
CARDS: Quintessence of Dust: None
Qazox: None

CBC International News

Coricas, Cookesland - Hello and welcome to CBC world news, I'm Milchma Banks reporting.

In the sports world it was crushing day for Soccer fans. The Blue Owls have sunk into quite a hard losing streak, but many fans are hoping for a revival. It's not over till it's over they say.

Domestic events
Today the President of Aunesia came............




Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home - Tie 2-2Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away- Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home defeat
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home defeat
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away defeat
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away defeat
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home defeat
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Halfway with only 1 win

We're talking about the world cup here, or to be more specific, it's qualification stage. Swilatia has played every team in their group, and only won against the worst one, Philodox Weltscmerz. All the other matches were eiter losses or draws. Thankfully today's match, against Nebuleux, was just a draw, not a loss. This is because then our team actually gets some points.

It was still sad that we did not win today. While an obvious reason was that we had only one win so far, there is another reason that stands out. This is that we were so close to winning. This is because as early as 14 minutes, Rycerski had scored a goal for Swilatia, putting them in the lead. That was the only goal in the first half. With Swilatia's defense actually working for once, it would seem that it was going to be the only goal.

Then in the second half, the lack of goals continued, raising the Swilatian fans' hope even higher. However, soon came the time when this was all broken. At 63 minutes, Nebuleux scored a goal. This tied up the score again. However, Swilatia still had time to regain their lead. They even got quite close to it a few times, but if Nebuleux's defensdid not stop it, then their goalkeeper did. And we were so close to winning this match, and maybe if we did, then against all odds we might even qualify.

Qualification was said to be highly unlikely anyway, so we still should not hope too much for it. Even if we did poorly here, we might do well in the cup of harmony, which is something many Swilatia fans are really hoping for. However, until the qualifications are over, what we will be hoping for will still be making it to the world cup. There is still half of the qualifying round left, and if we do well enough, we might have a chance at qualifying.

"Hello Zwangzug football fans-all none of you."

"People might become fans after this season."

"They're bandwagon-hoppers, they don't count. I'm Alan Babbage and this is Charles Turing, alive in beautiful-er-picturesque-er-"

"Nonexistent-"

"Houersteinzer. Now you have to pronounce the rest of their names."

"But they don't have any names."

"Should be easy for you, then. Here's the Zwangzug saxophonist performing Anthem..." The microphone swivels towards the high notes. "And...that'll be the Houersteinzer anthem."

"That was a moment of silence, followed by the kickoff whistle."

"And a moment of silence is exactly what they'll be needing, after...GOOOOAL! Olson wastes no time in blasting it in. One-nil Zwangzug..."

Charles opened up untitledspreadsheet.xls as the game continued.

"...And that'll be the half, Olson kicks again but-nope, too late. One-nothing at the half. Charles, why aren't you helping me?"

"Nobody's scored after that first thing, and there aren't any names to pronounce."

"No names to mispronounce either, think about it!"

"I'll stick with ours, thanks."

True to his word, Charles was able to announce a goal from Phillip and a second from Simon Ryne, coming at sixteen and forty-seven minutes in respectively. Alan had bigger things on his mind. "So this is the halfway point of the qualifying matches."

"So what?"

"So we have to decide if we want to do this next time around."

"Will we have graduated by then?"

"I mean whether the team wants to come back."

"Ask them."

From the AIU switchboard to the techie to BOB, the message came to the team, victorious 3-0. "10 4 0 against," it was relayed back.

"Only two support it?" Alan asked critically.

"Decimal notation for our decision-making pleasure."

"One abstention, then?"

"Apparently."

One half of one half of the Zwangzug Football Association looked at the other half and the data from the other other half. "Okay. Then we're in."

continued in the WC34 signups thread

From the desk of Draco Glaurung:

Well, that didn’t last very long. After Bushes Been Quaked tied the game at 2-2 in the 80th minute on a play where our keeper got trucked by the BBQ forward, our esteemed manager, Gorgol “The Butcher’ Harad, was livid and raised such a ruckus that he was red-carded and had to be forced off the field by security personnel. Our keeper, Gorbag Madril, suffered a slight concussion, and was replaced by Bartholomew Dalison. Although the game ended in a brawl in the stands between BBQ and several of our supporters, we are satisfied with the results since I was unable to help my teammates today. Gromper Grîpper is an animal! He’s getting better and better with every passing minute. His goal in the 34th minute, beating the keeper low while two defenders were trying to drag him down, was a thing of pure ferocity and vicious beauty. Dagor Bragollach’s goal off a pass from Magda the Forsaken in the 78th minute looked like the game-winner. Then, BBQ tied two minutes later. Well, at least we didn’t lose. I hope the fans from both sides didn’t get too crazy outside Butcher Park. Up next, we head to Wentland. Maybe we can beat them again. We really need a win at this stage.

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 2
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bushes_been_quaked.png Bushes Been Quaked 2

[TG]
Gromper Grîpper (34’)
Dagor Bragollach (78’)

[BBQ]
??? ???? (12’)
??? ???? (80’)

Red Cards:
TG- Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad

@ Gorgol Harad Memorial Park (“Butcher Park”) – Ered Lithui, Turruth Gordur
Attendance: 51,082

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Coach remains upbeat despite yet another defeat

Quintessence of Dust have not registered a victory in their last four games, sliding from the top of their group to several points adrift of the qualification zone, while conceding twelve goals and scoring just five. And there is still no sign of injured captain Theodore Littlefellow. Yet manager Jeremy Dixon insists he is "pleased" with the team's progress.

One must admire Dixon's resolute upbeatness in the face of a 4-2 drubbing at the hands of likely group winners Qazox, though one also presumes his stash of glue must be sweet. For sure, there were positives to be taken from the day's game, chiefly the two excellent goals either side of half-time to claw back into fleeting contention. Roger Longhorn has now scored five and Dennis Young, with the midfield proving rather drier than in the Baptism of Fire.

Longhorn's came as a result of a good passing move, but he was left with ground to cover and no one in support, demonstrating upper body strength in shrugging off his marker to gain enough space to drive in a low shot that narrowly eluded the keeper's grasp. Young's was a more conventional goal, though also well taken: David Yellowback took the ball in possession from a corner, and chipped in a left-footed cross that Young climbed to head in.

But there remain major problems within the squad that weigh heavily against competing at the top level. For a start, there is Peter Rogers, the mercurial playmaker, who has worked hard all tournament, but lacked the spark that he can bring to the game. And given his tendency to temperamentalism, they have lacked a strong central presence that Dino Achten's resolute work in defensive midfield, today partnered alongside Micky Marberger, can only partially atone for.

Frederic Renard, when he's not busy taking a chainsaw to his opposite number, is capable of some brilliant crosses, but seems to forsake his own ability to cut infield too often. Today was no exception, often breaking onto his weaker left foot when he easily could have run on and got in a good angle behind the Qazox defence. Similarly, Jessica Jensen tended to hold onto the ball too long, and the left midfield slot is by no means slot, with vast maws regularly opening up as she drifts into attack in front of the avowedly defensive Guilermo Azzinio.

Charlie Williams had a poor game by his own standards. Although he put in some sharp tackles, he exhibited the same lack of tactical awareness that has hampered him in previous showings, sometimes drifting out of position and often failing to link effectively with those around him. And Winchester Furman continues to play a frustrating role, occasionally pulling off some improbable acrobatics but all too often standing by as crosses are played around in front of his nose. Not all the four goals were attributable to defensive flaws, but with greater sharpness the attack might easily have had a more realistic target to chase down.

In any case, Quintessence of Dust find themselves in something of a limbo at the halfway point. No amount of awkward smiling will cover up the pain if they continue to lose, but equally, they can proud of their early going and should not overinflate their chances at this stage. Next up are two difficult away games against Vilita and Krytenia; no doubt they will hope for a repeat of the shock success against the former, but it seems unlikely Krytenia, world No. 1, will yield to the rank outsiders.

"Welcome back to World Cup Sloths Midway Report, sponsored by Casari Fried Penguin, Kingsbury's number one fried penguin restaurant. Probably the only one, too, I'd have thought. Anyways, I've been through the other teams in the cup, so now it's Fil's turn. He's looking at Schiavonia's group. And he's even learnt the flags!"

"What.. oh, yes. And instead of just running down the group from top to bottom, we're going to go in reverse order. otherwise you'd probably lose interest by the time we get to the likes of Bartonstein..."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bartonstein.png

"...Who are first up, with a perfect record. Played nine, lost nine."

"Still, it's about the taking part, isn't it?"

"So that's what you Tynelians keep telling yourselves! No wonder you never make the finals! Actually, it's about winning, but not losing the respect of your opponents. Still, at least they've scored a goal. So not a complete disaster, then."

"You can be so sarcastic sometimes, Fil."

"What have I done now?"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/druida.png

"Anyway, just above them, by six points, are Druida. Now Druida have caused a bit of controversy so far. After their home game against Hockey Canada, members of the visiting team's FA claimed that the Druidan team was made up with some kind of android. All a bit far flund, if you ask me. Surely if they made a robot or something to play football, they'd give it some kind of skill."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/harlesburg.png

"Unless, of course, they'd used Harlesburg players as the prototype. Another mediocre showing from one of the World Cup's most consistantly hopeless teams. Still, at least they're persistant."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cookesland.png

"Moving on, and on to one of the most out of form teams in the cup. Unbeaten after four games, Cookesland have now lost five on the bounce. However, there were defintely signs in their last match against the Sloths that the potential is there to turn it around."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/default.png

"It doesn't look so hopeful for Hockey Canada's long term future, though. Their players have no homeland and, for their game against Druida, they also had their team taken away. Kind of. Still, not boding well for them."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fort_europe.png

"And now, on to the serious challengers, starting with Fort Europe. They've been consistantly inconsistant so far, but they'll definately be looking to improve that. The waythis group is going, they could well finish fifth and still be in a play-off place."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png

"Meanwhile, after an absolutely abysmal start, a change in management has given The Lowland Clans the boost they've needed. That Bandit fella seems to have gotten them into shape quickly, and they should push on to qualify and do well in the finals too..."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/demot.png

"...which is bad news for Demot, as they look the most vulnerable ofthe top three right now, what with them being closest to the rest of the teams in the group. And if their team is as small as the one they put out against Schiavonia, then... hey, dwafves have done OK in the World Cup before. I'm sure these guys can bounce back and win in the play-offs!"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png

"Which jsut leaves us with the top two. In second place are The Holy Empire, who have looked anything but the soft and lazy old farts that they've been portrayed as in some parts of the media. Not by myself and Dana mind you. No, we're above that kind of thing."

"So there's just one team left."

"Of course, and we've saved the best for last!"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/schiavonia.png

"YES! IT'S SCHIAVONIA!"

"Calm down, Fil!"

"Hey, you got carried away that Tynelia look good to qualify, so surely I can get carried away that us, the Kingdom of Forty-Six Islands that is Schiavonia, not even in the World's top fifteen, but we have the best record in qualifying out of absolutely everyone! At this moment in tim, we're the best!"

"But you struggled to get past Cookesland!"

"Dana, we always suck during the middle period of qualifying. Expect a bit of a dip in results now. Then we'll struggle to within about three points of qualifying, take our foot off the gas and win the group. It's the Schiavone way."

"So, here's the group table at this moment in time..."

Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Schiavonia 9 9 0 0 33 6 27 +27
Alasdair I Frosticus 9 7 0 2 20 12 21 +8
Demot 9 5 2 2 20 13 17 +7
-------------------------------------------------------
The Lowland Clans 9 5 1 3 27 15 16 +12
Fort Europe 9 5 0 4 25 10 15 +15
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hockey Canada 9 3 1 5 7 17 10 -10
Cookesland 9 3 1 5 10 25 10 -15
Harlesburg 9 2 2 5 8 19 8 -11
Druida 9 1 3 5 9 20 6 -11
Bartonstein 9 0 0 9 1 23 0 -22

"...what's your predictions for the final positions?"

"This...

1. Schiavonia
2. Alasdair I Frosticus
3. The Lowland Clans
4. Demot
5. Fort Europe
6. Cookesland
7. Druida
8. Harlesburg
9. Hockey Canada
10. Bartonstein

"Which means, between the two of us, we've picked the thirty qualifiers. We'd list them, but where's the entertainment in that?"

"Usually it's in me saying them really quickly and making a complete hash of it."

"Oh."

"But still, thanks for letting me of with it."

"That's fine."

"Well, that's it from us for tonight. We'll just say that we hope to see you next time on World Cup Sloths, but from us, goodnight!"

Dan Marne was walking through a corridor in Hartwick House, home of the BFA, toward his office, when he heard the sounds of children playing, which generally meant screaming, kicking and biting.

He opened the door to his office to find it had been refurbished with padded walls and floor, with twenty-three 5 year olds kids playing – though one looked like he was nearly 6.

Dan closed the door in a state of shock, and opened it again. Yep, same scene, though the nearly-6-yr-old had just plucked a ball-pool ball out of the air which had been kicked by another child.

Marne then walked down the corridor a bit further and opened the door of manager, Adam Collick, who greeted him.

[Collick] Hello Dan, good to see you!

[Marne] Likewise. Urm, what’s happened to my office?

[Collick] Ah, well, we needed to build a crèche.

[Marne] What?!? For who?

[Collick] The children of the national squad’s players.

[Marne] Children? But our squad is made up of five year olds!

[Collick] Then who do you think the crèche is for?

[Marne] Alright, alright, fairly obvious I suppose.

[Collick] Quite. They played well against Marceau State though.

[Marne] Oh for sure, yes. Aleksander Cripps goal was a marvellous strike for a 5 yr old.

[Collick] Well, he did basically just run under the legs of defenders and put the ball in – the opposition will be too afraid to tackle them til they reach 17 anyway, which is in 4 World Cups time anyway.

[Marne] Sorted?

[Collick] I’d say so.

[Marne] Right…oh, do I get a new office?

[Collick] You do if you can clean out the stock cupboard.

[Marne] It’s already empty.

[Collick] Then you win! Huzzah!

"In our latest news tonight, the Commonwealth Great Leader, Elizebeth Rigolo was filmed this morning at a preliminary fitting session for her wedding dress ahead of the big day which is just a couple of months away and we will be bringing you exclusive footage from that film later. Meanwhile in sport, discussions between the Commonwealth Sports Council and the Commonwealth Football League's Referee's Association over pay have apparently broken down within the last few hours resulting in a one hundred percent strike which has resulted in all of today's domestic matches being postponed. The Fort Europe International team beat fledgling nation Hockey Canada by a single goal to nil with a Karl Isaak goal assisted by Mia Nevola who returned from injury in time to start the match. But first..."

"Just no luck for you, it seems. Bettia had to win, huh? Pity about that last goal."

"Please, Bob! I..."

"...have no money to pay you, right? Well, you know what, Edward? I understand. I know you don't have any cash stashed away somewhere." Bob the Bookie gave them impression that didn't believe what he himself was saying, just in case he actually was right.

"So I'll be charitable. Get his clothes off."

Bob the Bookie's goons complied, leaving Edward shivering on the cold concrete floor of the warehouse.

"Wax." Bob the Bookie intoned, like a bored surgeon.

Edward started yelling as the hot wax hit his skin, and screaming when one of the goons produced a spatula and spread it over his intimates.

One of the goons kicked him. "Oh, be quiet. My girl does this shit every week." They turned him onto his back and continued coating his whole body with it while Edward emitted whimpering noises.

"Same stuff women use for hair removal, Edward." said Bob the Bookie when it was done. "Have fun getting it off. Now get out of here."

Edward went to pick up his clothes, but the henchman put his foot on top and said, "Wrong answer, buddy."

"I'm sure that wax will keep you warm. It's only -4, -11 with the windchill, after all. Toodles. And don't forget MY MONEY!" Bob the Bookie yelled as he walked towards his car.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS, HERE IS THY VICTORY
Ariddia, Where is Thy Sting?

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy's World Cup qualification campaign reached a new plane of Lenten devotion last night as defending World Cup champions Ariddia were crushed 3-0 by the home team. A first-half hattrick for the Archregimancy's indigenous Ariddian Br. Innocent of Ariddia added an ironic touch to the surprisingly easy demolition of the predominantly atheistic visiting team.

Despite the potential for strong disagreement over religious and cultural matters, the match - and particularly the pre-match build-up - passed off surprisingly easily. The Ariddian Ulek was performed in front of respectful, if mildly disapproving, silence from the home supporters, while the Divine Liturgy took place in front of respectful, if mildly baffled, silence from the visiting team.

From there, there was only one team in it, as probing through passes from Brothers Barsanaphius and John to Fr. Silouan and Br. Innocent parted the Ariddian defence more easily than Moses parted the Red Sea [ed - must encourage Fr. Nicholas to find a new metaphor there], while Fathers Constantine and Nicholas the Unmercenary repelled what few Ariddian attacks came their way with the strength of Samson.

In truth, the World Champions were a shadow of their usual selves, and the Ariddian squad have earned considerable additional respect from their hosts for refusing - unlike many visiting losers - to place the entirety of the blame for their unusually limp performance on the pre-match liturgy.

In other news, former Monastic Olympic Committee chairman Fr. Vasily the Heavily Accented was said to be outraged at the media attention recently forced upon him by certain pressure groups in Ariddia. "Is outrage!" said Fr. Vasily. "Is monk in need of atheists to say he is 'admirable'? He is not. Is monk in need of quiet retirement without heathens? He is." Since his retirement from Monastic Olympic Committee responsibilities, Fr. Vasily has been spending his time in the scriptorium of the Holy Monastery of Solovetsky, which perhaps goes some way to explaining why that particular monastery has been recently expressing its outrage over just about every minor change in Holy Synod policy over the last year.

Scoring From Everyone

Fans who attended, or tuned in to watch the Pschychoes match against Schorteskatascansolani were in for the surprise of their lives. Squornshelous got their first goal from an unlikely enough source: rookie left back Sten Mortenson. Their other goals scored in that match were even more shocking. Ensio Varg inexplicably came forward from his position guarding the net to record a hat trick. Other players allowed him through out of sheer bewilderment. While this certainly isn't the kind of thing we'd like our team to be doing on a regular basis, you do have to credit them with a wholehearted return to attacking, Squornshelan style football. Varg is unofficially the first goaltender to ever record a hat trick in international history. We're delving into old statistics to ascertain that. To their credit, Schorteskatascansolani managed to score two goals, although that wasn't terribly difficult considering all the time Varg spent out of the net.

Squornshelous continued to run up the score in their next match, a 6-3 barn burner at home against Ropa-Topia. Jaromil Ctibor resumed his scoring spree with two goals, and Patrik Hermanni, Emil Jalmari and Per Korov added goals of their own. Ropa-Topia put up three goals of their own, and Squornshelous has fallen from their former position tied for best defense in qualifying to third, behind Schiavonia and Bostopia. We are also third in overall standings at 8-1-0 with 25 out of 27 points. We lag behind Schiavonia, who have a perfect record thus far, and Jeruselem who are ahead of us by virtue of 6 more goals scored.

Our Next match starts the second half of qualifying with a home match against hated rivals Commerce Heights. Our matchday 4 meeting in Commerce Heights ended as a dissatisfying 1-1 draw. We certainly hope to do better on our home turf.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 4-2 Schorteskatascansolani
Squornshelous 6-3 Ropa-Topia

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 7
Latvala: 3
Hermanni: 5
Varg: 3
Jalmari: 2
Armin: 1
Korov: 1
Mortenson: 1
Petchukov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD6: Altanar 4-1 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous 3-0 Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani 2-4 Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous 6-3 Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

Quak and Az are the best hosts ever!!!

Turtles head off to Qutar next and expectations are mixed. Win? Draw? Loss? Some say win, others draw, and yet more say it will be a loss. Team captain Estevez said: "Qutar is a pretty good team who has beaten us twice and drew once, but we've improved a good bit." In other news, Coach Charles DuPont has been rushed to the hospital after complaints of stomach pains. Doctors have ruled out appendicitis, but are awaiting further tests. Mr. DuPont is reported "in stable condition and doing well" and also may be released soon if it turns out to be a simple virus. There is no word on what would happen if he couldn't attend the game. There is no assisstant coach and FFSA President Henri LePoivre has said: "several options are being reviewed".

The Isangrad Times
SPORTSfeed

And We Thought NMS Was Supposed to Be Good
Another Boyar Victory

New Montreal States, our brothers in Orthodoxy and with whom we face off before, were expected to do well in this world cup by all Valerian accounts. Apparently, the Valerian officials might have had their glasses off - NMS just lost today to the Valerian Boyars, which kind of was a wake-up call to Magnus Valerius. The old order has simply vanished and many of the once great teams a couple of cups ago now seem to be doing rather poorly. Some wonder if it is bad management or if the team members came down with a rash of leprosy. Old stars like NMS, Vilita, and D2R are apparently in the gutter.

The game started with a Valerian possession. George Illyanich had told his team to try and attack at all opportunities possible, considering that the best offense is good to counter a good (or perhaps, what had been good) team. Valerian forwards von Hohenstauffen and Putneyev kept the pressure on, sending waves of attacks with some support from "Vova" Dariyanov and Kemerhadi. The Valerians made in the first goal at the 22nd minute after some tough defensive resistance from NMS. von Hohenstauffen carried the day and then Illyanich ordered the Valerians into defense. The game carried on, with both sides playing defensively. However, seeing as the Valerians were not aiming at goaling and keeping their one point lead, NMS tried to go on the offensive, but the Valerians kept steady.

In the second half, NMS started off with a blitz towards the Valerian net, nudging in a goal after the 56th minute. Even though the Valerians might have been outmaneuvered, they fought on and von Hohenstauffen came up through the defense, slithering his way past some NMS defense line to earn another goal at the 65th minute. The Valerians cheered and roared as they believe they could win the game - and they did. The Valerians, although not able to get in more goals, nevertheless did not relieve NMS of any pressure and Yaroslavov made sure that their shots never got past him and the Boyar goal. The game ended with a Valerian win. It was a modest win by one point, but a win nonetheless.


Final Score

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png Magnus Valerius 2::1 New Montreal States http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png

Scorers

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png
von Hohenstauffen - 2 (22, 65)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png
Unreleased name - 1 (56)

The Group 7 Scoreboard

Milchama 7 1 1 22 36 13 23
Bazalonia 6 1 2 19 29 15 14
Tynelia 5 3 1 18 14 10 4
Magnus Valerius 3 4 2 13 15 13 2
East Lithuania 2 5 2 11 8 14 -6
Rorysville 2 4 3 10 8 11 -3
Monty Python 3 1 5 10 14 21 -7
The Aqua Moose 2 3 4 9 15 21 -6
NMS 2 2 5 8 10 16 -6
Croisland 0 2 7 2 5 20 -15

Patriarch Feodor III Visits the Dreamed Realm to Watch the Archregimancy-Ariddia Game

Patriarch Feodor III is probably Magnus Valerius's holiest football fan, and is an avid fan of The Archregimancy and The Holy Empire (of course, the Boyars as well). With the big game between a mighty Ariddian team and the old trustworthy monks of The Archregimancy, Feodor III decided to make a trip to the Dreamed Realm to watch this great monastic game. Accompanying him were various bishops and metropolitans from Magnus Valerius. What was thought to be an intense game led to a rather exciting victory by the monastic order.

"Our Brothers In Orthodoxy, our friendly monastics from The Dreamed Realm have pulled off a heroic victory against Ariddia. Given that Ariddia has been on a roll, it is a feat worthy of applause," Feodor said in an interview shortly after the game.

During the game, Feodor was seen in his patriarchal regalia, raising his hands, shouting, and clapping along to the contingent of chanting monks that he brought from one of Magnus Valerius's far-flung monasteries. Fr. Tikhon of Lalayenets, who led the choir, smuggled in some wine and soon became drunk. It was extremely shocking to hear his mouth run off as he shouted some slurs at the Ariddians such as "atheistic bastards" and "govyoni aridiyansi". To stop the embarrassment, the Patriarch had him removed and forced him to do penance by cleaning the bathroom stalls in the stadium. "After that he will fast for a week, and of course abstain from his monastery's wine during that time," murmured the Patriarch to one of our reporters.

The Patriarch took time to say a blessing for each and every one of the monks during half-time. He also anathemized the Ariddians as 'atheist evildoers, but nonetheless great footballers'.

The Archregimancy won 3 to 0 against Ariddia, which is indeed quite a spectacular accomplishment for our brothers in Orthodoxy.

Demot Daily ~ Promised Land

It was not an easy win, but a win it was, and that is all that is needed to move on. It's not about how flashy or how great you are in victory, but rather to get the three points and keeping your head afloat in this crazy table. Afterall, the motto of this tournament is "Get Points" and with their narrow victory over Harelsburg, that is exactly what the Dynamo did. However, with such a close affair, you can be sure that the squad won't be getting much rest in their training, as those type of wins are dangerous. However, the squad might of just of been suffering after effects of being midgeted and then having druids return them to their normal state once they arrive back in Skyhaven.

The Dynamo played quite lethargically despite playing at home, and had a hard time controlling the possession and pace of the game for the first half of the match. Thankfully, one person was performing up to their potential, and that was unsung hero of Alexander Orien, the star keeper who helped lead the Demot U-21s to a second place finish in the inagural AO-U21 competition a few years back. He was in top form this night, making save after save after spectacular save. Obviously flustered by his mates bad form, he threw a fire of a speech at them during the break, heavily critiquing Masteron and the entire backline on their dismal performance. While not normally the outspoken one, his words seemed to give the squad a little bit of life, and they came out of the locker room with a pep in their step.

The squad began to disect the Harlesburg method of attacking, and started to use their aggression against them, which resulted in some breath taking counter attacks that were met by just as glorious saves. It finally broke in the 79th minute, when Ysman made a great long ball to a dashing Black, who one touched it just past the keeper, off the post, and into the netting, to give the home crowd a reason to be happy as they headed home to their dinners. While it certainly was an ugly win for the Dynamo, they can learn from this expierence, and know that their keeper always has their back should they falter.

As it is the halfway stage of the tournament, the squad knows exactly what is needs to do in order to make the Proper. After a dismal start, the Lowland Clans are looking more like themselves in the last few matches, and are on the heels of the Dynamo for the last direct spot into the Finals. A win or draw against them, or one of the other two top seeds, and then not being upset should be enough to keep the Dynamo secure in the third spot in. However, Fort Europe is lurking also, and have shown that they are dangerous and a force to be reckoned with. Schiavonia and the Holy Empire are proving to be the great squads that made the finals last tournament, and will likely do so again, so getting a point from either match would be a blessing. Cookesland could prove dangerous if the squad doesn't take them seriously, while the rest of the group are not too terribly dangerous, and should easily fall victim to the attack of the Dynamo. These scenarios all point to the Dynamo making another appearance in the Finals, so let it ring true Demot, let it ring true.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Hello, this is Master Guillaume Kasimir Pbufanda on Teleray 21, with the latest news for you on the World Cup. Schorteskatascansolani travelled to Altanar to play this team that we had also played in the Baptism of Fire. Rest assured dear countreymen that we despatched this team with the same relative ease that you saw during the Baptism of Fire. We won 2-0. In fact, we scored three goals, but the referee was too short-sighted or mean-spirited or whatever -- in any case, one was called offside. It was a really beautiful goal, too, a long range shot from Edward Platt. The other two goals were scored by Bush, who is racking up quite a number of goals this cup. T

his has made us #3 in our table at the half-way mark in the cup, superseded only by Squornshelous and Commerce Heights; however, it should be noted that in terms of points we are the only team in the automatic qualifying zone that is not in the top thirty. The product of a weak group, I do suppose. And things can change. I understand that Tongatupou FK last season was #2 at the halfway mark and finished #7 out of eight. So, we're definitely not certain of anything here. Torpey is recovering from his injury but won't be back on the field for another few games; meantime, Priest is feeling some stress and will likely bench in favour of Gilmore for a game or two. Perhaps we'll also move to a 4-5-1 formation.

Now here's something that will interest you all. FK Zizkaberg defender Valerij Vishnevskij will be transferred to the Cafundeu club Cafundó do Juta, and will move to that country immediately after the World Cup. This is a great surprise to everybody, as Vishnevskij was a key part of Zizkaberg's defense. I have it from a trustworthy source that the manager, Jahn Troxnov, wants to develop some youth talent, such as the very promising van Rijswijk. We'll have to see about this! We expect that the number of Zizkaberg fans watching the World Cup will dramatically increase as this will be their last chance to see the player unless they pull in international television.

Also in related news, the search for Greater Schorteskatascansolania continues, with Professor Iskander leading archaeological teams in Commerce Heights, and a team of scientists departed several weeks ago for a distant planet due to send a report soon. We will follow this story and keep you informed. Up the Schor! This is Master Guillaume giving place in the Studio to Master Antonin who will be delivering to you a solemn disquisition about the Proper Ingestion of Beer. And now a message from our sponsors...

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

DRUIDA DEFEATED
Opponents Too Soft And Lazy to Give Players Proper Names

By Anna Comneno

The Holy Empire's remarkable comeback to the top levels of international football continued last night with a pulsating 3-2 victory over Druida coming hot on the heels that the World Cup 2 hosts were to enter a joint bid with World Cup founders Ariddia to host World Cup 34.

In game featuring a rare case of the home team being forced to wear its away strip, as its first strip clashed with both of the Imperial kits, Druida took an early lead through 98342177, before a rare brace from Botaniates gave the Imperial squad the edge going into the second half. A 47th minute goal from Curcuaso seemed to give the Holy Empire the edge, but a 79th minute goal from 523812389 seemed to revive the home team, and only some acrobatic goalkeeping from Prodomoso preserved the win.

Controversial coach Juan Tzimisces later slammed the home team, referring to them as 'too soft and lazy to give their players proper names', though his main complaint seems to be that the second Druida goal was scored by a player wearing what are rumoured to be Tzimisces' usual lottery numbers.

ANNA'S WORLD CUP DIARY
Gosh - a World Cup co-hosting bid. I can barely contain the excitement. Like many Imperial citizens, I was born after World Cup 2, but that legendary event remains the proudest moment in our sporting history. I wonder where they'll hold the matches? Will top class football return to Philadelphia and St. Mary's City? How will we stop Johnny Foreigner from attempting to steal the gems on the Imperial Hippodrome? And just why hasn't HEFA sent me my personal sex therapist yet? In any case, I'm sure when it comes to voting, the World Cup committee will vote for age and experience over some of those young whippersnapper nations who weren't even wearing nationstate nappies when we last hosted the tournament. I hope so, anyway. Oh won't it be fun? Oh won't it be lovely? And besides, some of those Ordinary Reality foreigners are really, really hot. Bit like me, really.

Elven Times
Halfway Fun

It was a relatively easy and fun final match for the Marauders in this half of the qaulifying stage. The Collonie squad, though full of heart, are not full of talented footballers, and proved no contest to the overpowering elves, who made sure not to humilate their foes too much. In fact, it was kinda funny for those who did score, as Placibus Hardsworth was able to put home an early corner in the eighth minute. The game progressed on, with several chances going off the posts, crossbar, and then barely sailing wide. However, Harden Swent would put one home late in the second half that had both benches laughing their bums off. Kyla Night had sent in a hard shot from corner of the box, however just prior to that, Swent had tried to streak in front of the keeper, but had fell flat on his bum, his legs flaiing into the air. Well the shot went in, and deflected off of Harden's left leg, and past the keepers left leg, splat into the back of the old onion bag. Finally, the prodigal son proved his worth again, taking a rebound from a Cuellar shot, and sliced it in with just four seconds left before injury time. With the win, and the Kelssek loss, the Marauders find themselves right back in the thick of things for the final qualifying spot. The schedule sets up nicely for the Marauders, as they have three struggling sides, including the Frenchies at home in their next match, to start the second half. However, they are followed by three matches that will make or break the campaign, with matches at home against Northern Caesera, away in Bostopia and Jeruselem. Get four to seven points out of that strech, and the Marauders will likely be making their preparatios for their first ever trip to the Proper.

As for the other groups and their squads curent forms, it becomes slightly sticky, as new nations rise to challange stagnet veterans. Group two sees the steady power of the Archregimancy on top of the group, followed by last tournaments darlings in Cafundeu, followed up by defending champions Ariddia. The champions need to watch their backs, as the Northern Bettia squad is merely a point behind them despite this being their first tournament. Fmjphoenix is the real dud of the group, easily not rising to expectactions with only eleven out of a possible twenty-seven points.

Group three looks to be about as steady as a group as there is, with the top sides performing like top sides. However, our former colony of Demot do have the edge on the Lowland Clans currently, and our overperforming regionmates of Fort Europe. If they continue on their current form, don't be suprised to see this group produce five squads into the proper. As for the direct qualifiers, expect the Holy Empire to falter, and the Clansmen regain their form and slide into the vacated slot.

Group four is a complete topsy turvy table, with the number one ranked squad in the world barely scraping third place in the group. Assegai and the heathen Oxen are atop the table, while Vilita and Cuation are falling by the wayside. The feel good story has to be random toast, who have pulled out some nice upsets in their first go in the big dance.

Moving onto group five, Rejistania and Errinundera have taken care of business, and as such, are the top two on top of this table, but the crazy sqaud of Nebuleux lays claim to the third spot, edging out the cheaters and record changers Sel Appa, with Qutar in striking distance. All in all, the Nebs are going to lose form eventually, and one of those two more expierenced sides will claw their way in. I only hope it is Qutar, and not the dirty Sel Appa squad.

Six for the sticks? All the teams who should be at the top are, with Oliverry being the odd man out. Wentland is doing remarkably well considering their history, and I have a hunch it will continue. Make sure to tune into the match where Casari returns to Turruth Gordur, it could prove to be a fireworks show after what the Gordurians did to the Casari stadium in thier part of the leg.

Seven is the lucky number some say, and it seems to be for the perrinal underachievers in Tynelia. They are in third place, and five points clear of the fourth placed Magnus Valerius. This might be very well the tournament where the luck turns, and they make the Proper, alongside Bazalonia and Milchama in all likelyhood. Group eight and nine are about the same, and should see these squads through; Yafor 2, Geisenfried, Starblaydia, Squornshelous, Capitalizt Slani, and Ropa-Topia.

Article by Luna Santapa

“Good evening, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cathedral Park, where the Assegai Developments National Team is putting the finishing touches on their practice session for today, in preparation for the huge rematch against top-seeded Krytenia.

“In both teams’ first match-up, Krytenia imposed their status as the No. 1 team in NationStates, taking the Riskbreakers to task and beating them 3-1. Despite the loss, Assegai put up a good fight. Now, Krytenia pays a visit to Cathedral Park—which is completely sold out—and Assegai has a great opportunity to avenge their loss and further solidify their chances at making the Proper.

“Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot will be back for this match after serving a one-game suspension for a red card he received in the game against Quintessence of Dust. So, with all his players in top form, Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga is bringing out his big guns. Here is the roster he announced…”

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

“As you can see, Assegai’s A-squad will be on the field for this one. Now, all that’s left is to play the game.

“Reporting live from Cathedral Park, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off. See you after the game!”

Upcoming Match

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(1) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png Krytenia

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

From the desk of Magda the Forsaken:

Much madness comes of this mind. Magda tells the truth. Rematch with Wentland heavy on our minds. We thinks we can defeat them again, but would be very difficult. Good thing we have sexy Gromper Grîpper in the starting lineup again. And, yes, very much, we have fearless leader Draco Glaurung back! Here is roster Draco is releasing for this match:

GK: Gorbag Madril –– Assegai Developments F.C. (Assegai Developments)

DF: Boldog Gothmog –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
DF: Varg Vikernes –– TBA
DF: Huldah Sangria –– TBA
DF: Ash Nazg –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)

MF: Uglúk Dramborleg –– TBA
MF: Shagrat Grishnákh –– TBA
MF: Magda the Forsaken –– TBA

AF: Dagor Bragollach –– F.C. Capri (Elves Security Forces)
AF: Draco Glaurung –– Cathedral Spooks D.C. (Assegai Developments) Captain
AF: Gromper Grîpper –– TBA

Good chances we have many. Magda likes very much chances.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png Wentland =VS= Turruth Gordur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png

RP Cutoff for MD10

ALUIN NAU VEL'KLAR QEE
GOING NOWHERE FAST

Fort Europe - 1 - V - 0 - Hockey Canada

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/01451515.jpg
Celebrating good times
Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

The Commonwealth News Service wishes to apologise for the lateness of this report which should have been in yesterdays paper, however due to unforeseen circumstances we were unable to publish it on time. Fort Europe were always favorites to win at home against Hockey Canada who lie bottom of group three, and didn't fail to disappoint even though they were expected to score more than just one. Young keeper Tom Reas kept a clean sheet in a match that saw Mia Nevola return from injury and set up another Karl Isaak goal in the second half of the match. The majority of the team was made up with reserve players however, with Michelle Bishop injured and both Murphy Lee and Gemma Lloyd suspended Stuart Moss felt the rest of the first team players needed a rest. Fort Europe remain fifth in group three and just two points behind Demot who lie third and will host Fort Europe next week in a game that will likely decide the fight for the third automatic qualification place.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

9 - Tom Reas
7 – Mike Young
8 – Tim Forrester (C)
7 - Laura Harris
9 - Mia Nevola
7 - Katherine Keller
7 – Andy Fletcher
6 - Edowine Sanjuan
7 - Vicky Princess
7 - Ian Sikes
10 - Josephine Blanchard

SUBS

- - Ed Russell
- - Shaun Pearson
8 - Aki Haddon (On for Harris (45))
8 - Del Jenkins (On for Sikes (69))
10 - Karl Isaak (On for Blanchard (45)) (63)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/Bartonstein002.jpg
Isaak comes on for the second half

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/004.jpg
Another corner

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version
Back to Kingsford

Well, we are past the halfway poing in the world cup qualifying. This means we have faced every team in the world cup, and now we will face them all again. Today, we played against kingsford. However, it was not at our home in Vilvek, like last time, but in some rotting stadium in kingsford that looked like it was just waiting to collapse on both the teams.

As for the match, it was rather quiet, but in the end it was a victory this time. Also, another good thing is that no Swilatian players recieved cards this time. Only one goal was scored in this entire match, and since we said Swilatia won, it should be obvious that they were the ones scoring this one goal.

Now for the match. In the first half, we had the Swilatian team constantly tying to score a goal. On the other side, we have the Kingsford team, which was concentrating on neither, because their 3-1 victory in the previous Swilatia-Kingsford match had made them very confident that they will win against Swilatia. It looked like it would be easy for us to score a goal, but by the end of the half, neither team had scored any goals.

In the second half, things changed. Sure, Swilatia was still determined, and Kingsford was still overconfident. However, the change was that it was not devoid of goals. At 54 minutes, Rycerski had scored Swilatia's goal in this match. After that, Swilatia was still trying to get goals past the Kingsford, who were confident that by the end of the match, they could destroy our lead and replace it with their own. They were wrong about this though.

So this win shows that there is still some hope left for the Swilatia team. However, it still does not look like tommorow's match, against Errinundera, will be easy, as they suurely look as if they want to get revenge on us for when we threw away their 3-1 lead. It was not easy going around the first time, and it won't be easy this time.

<Dazza Dallas in bikini near a swimming pool with a laptop>

"Hey, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. I'm Dazza Dallas in Bettia! So you're asking where's Wayne? Err, he got accosted by group of fans and hasn't come back yet so, Dazza's flying solo. Bettia's such a nice place, with lots of nice people too. Oh, why isn't Dazza at some gi-normous football stadium? Err, well it was impossible to find a place where one could hear one's self, so I'm at the hotel pool to do the job. Wayne would be here but a bunch of female fans got to him."

"OK, this was funny day - two teams won, the rest were all draws! Kelssek beat New Propagandia 3 NIL, as expected but New Propagandia managed to draw with Jeruselem two games ago. Go figure that out, but New Propagandia are not going be make the finals but they can still make an impact. Kelssek are a great team - and they have another win under their belt."

"Bostopia took on Northern Caesarea in a very important game. Northern Caesarea need the win just to keep out of the bottom half while Bostopia needed a win keep up the top 3. Both team played crap football today! NIL ALL I don't know what was going on but these teams need that win and just weren't trying hard enough. Maybe both teams just wanted the draw."

"The other win of the day, Collonie beat Lovisa but then Lovisa weren't expected to really threaten anyone. Collonie downed Lovisa TWO NIL and well, make themselves look better than Lovisa. Both teams are still bottom 2. At least Collonie are trying to win games even if they aren't succeeding. Oh yes, Collonie play us next."

"Elves Security Forces played the improving Marceau State but the Frenchies proved too hard to push away. Elves Security Forces had a chance to grab points against a weaker but it proved to hard as they ground out a 2 ALL draw. Tough game where two teams had trouble finishing off each other. This was time to strike, when the top teams played each other but only Collonie and Kelssek did the job. The Elves, Bostopia, Caesar's men and the Frenchies could not."

"The big game, Bettia vs Jeruselem. Aroras vs Crusaders. Orthodoxy vs Catholism, etc. Yes it was a draw but a 3 ALL draw. Not the "sit around and watch people" defend draw, no no - we are talking ATTACK. Like warring armies, attack was the day's tactic. Both teams launched raid after raid, this time the Bettian defense was a lot better than last time when we trashed them SIX TWO. Keeper were exhausted after the game as they were never left alone. Someone was always trying to score. In the end, the score was right as both teams did not any reall ascendency. Kids, that's why we watch football!"

"Folks? Hey, like my new bikini?"

Wayne
"Sorry I'm late, oh looks like it's almost finished."

Dazza
"That's alright! You're here. Like my new bikini?"

Wayne
"Sure thing Dazza, looking good as always."

Dazza
"This reminds me when we first met. You were looking for the teenage footballer called Dazza and she was around a swimming pool. In fact, you were the first JGN man to interview me"

Wayne
"Oh yes, quite an entertaining interview. Lots of giggling and carrying on."

Dazza
"Nedalia, they lost last time but well got a draw with Turori who beat them last time. So, Nedalia still in the hole"

Wayne
"Yes, much to do the Lions. 8 games left to turn it around but they need to win most of those due to the shocking run of losses."

Dazza
"I'm sure all the Bettians and Jeruselem fans here want the best for our Lions. They have to get moving now or else they will be left behind."

wayne
"Any losses will hit hard with no buffer built up like Jeruselem has done. We can lose a few games but they can't afford one."

Dazza
"That's it from Bettia, watch the highlights at 9 PM after the usual programs. Of course, if you are on JGN Cable - you could have watched the game live without ads. Free TV needs ads - but it's still live on JGN."

Wayne
"See you all later."

Dazza
"Sweet dreams." (wiggles and winks)

Wayne
"You had to do that didn't you"

Dazza
"It's for the fans Wayne. They need the thrills. That's why I'm here. Good thing it's not Naked News!"

Wayne
"You'd fit in there really well, Dazza"

Group 1
Northern Caesarea [0] Bostopia [0]
Bettia [3] Jeruselem [3]
Collonie [2] Lovisa [0]
New Propagandia [0] Kelssek [3]
Elves Security Forces [2] Marceau State [2]

Group 9
Nedalia [1] Turori [1]

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/kirkenescourier.gif

All eyes on Kirkenes for Elven visit

It's Skydome's turn to generate a cauldron of excitement for Kelssek's national football team and it's a highly-anticipated one. Elves Security Forces are coming to town and they're nursing a grudge after the bizarre events in the away leg which Kelssek won 5-4.

Tonight's match will also be important to keep the qualification dream alive. The 3-0 win against New Propagandia was expected and necessary as well as a good confidence booster. After the fizzle of the stunning unbeaten streak into mixed results against the top teams, Kelssek need to build some momentum again with more tough matches upcoming.

"This is where we will earn or lose our chance," said manager Mathieu de Jenken. "It's critical we get firing on all cylinders and it's fantastic, the great support we've had. If we make it, it'll be because of the fans."

Football has always been huge, yet under-the-radar in Kirkenes, with our immigrants having brought their loyalties to Kelssek, but many of them are getting behind Team Kelssek as well. A big screen is also being set up on the Islands where the public can join in the excitement for free.

"It's nice to see Kelssek can put on a decent team too, it's nice." commented the Ariddian bartender and proprietor of the Slicers bar on St. Clair West, "and we're getting the crowds in to watch the matches, it's great the excitement."

Underground bookmakers have reportedly also been making a lot of money, according to one unnamed source, and their activities have been increasing. Police said they are investigating several people who are thought to have been victims of humiliation tactics.

"Gagging people, dressing them up as mimes and making them perform in public while covertly aiming a handgun at them is just not on and probably illegal. I urge all bookies to exercise restraint; we don't want to have to crack down on this kind of thing," said a police spokesperson.

Lineup vs. New Propagandia: Feeley, L. Dubois, Hanson, Avant, Symonds, Colwyn (Despatie 78), Regehr, Hartraft (Birtles 66), Anderson, Sinclair, Crawford.

Scorers: Sinclair 22', 63', Anderson 48'.

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.38

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Ethelred Unready, Lieutenant Pigeon, Mr E Jeffries, Mr M Innem, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were agreed.

The Financial Officer reported that there was a profit of two guineas from the previous activities. The Chairman noted that there were no proposals as to how to deal with this sum and it was added to the general surplus. NH suggested a week's holiday in Crowhurst. His Grace asked whether two guineas would be sufficient and NH stated that there would be change.

The Chairman asked CJ whether he had dealt with the purchase of a postal stamp for the Gleaner's Summary competition. CJ stated that the envelope provided was already embossed with notification that postage had been paid in advance so there was no need. NH asked what had happened to the four shillings and CJ said it was part of the two guinea surplus. The Chairman expressed a view that it was most considerate of Gleaner's Summary to provide postage-paid services and proposed sending them a letter of thanks for saving the FA four shillings. NH asked how much it would cost to send such a letter and the FO said four shillings for the stamp, a couple of farthings for the paper and a farthing for the envelope, plus a half-farthing for the wear and tear on Miss Widmore's ribbon. NH expressed a view that Miss Widmore's ribbon had not had much wear and tear. Note to self: what does this mean??? IT WAS RESOLVED that the issue of a letter of thanks await receipt of the book on approval.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland defeated Turruth Gordur by six goals to nil. Lt Pigeon commented that when the score came through on the regimental wire he thought it was a misprint. NH confirmed that it was Wentland's biggest ever win. NH stated that this was entirely due to his defensive tactics and incisive counter-attacking. EJ asked whether it was anything to do with the two sendings-off early "doors" ??? Must check with Mr Jeffries, this makes no sense and NH said no, it would have been a bigger win otherwise as the Gordur players would have over-compensated. EJ said that that was not what the Gordur press was saying and NH said that their media was in a world of their own. Miss Widmore tutted at the grammatical errors of NH's speech.Note to self: take this out. EU asked whether it was anything to do with the mysterious brass band practice that went on throughout the night outside the Gordur hotel. NH said that that was news to him. EU said that the brass bands all appeared to come from Maitland. The Chairman asked the significance. EU said NH was from Maitland. NH said it was a coincidence. EU asked whether NH knew anything about the fire alarm that also went off in the hotel at 1.44am the night before the match. NH said no. EU asked whether he knew about the fire alarm that went off at 2.16am the same night. NH said no and he knew nothing about the one that went off at 3.22am or 4.47am either. NH also said he knew nothing about the mysterious flood at 5.01am or the rogue elephant that rampaged through reception at 5.32am.

There being no other business the meeting was declared closed.

The Orgins of the Hatire Memorial Stadium

The Hatire Memorial Stadium was built in honor of the nations' greatest hero, Jas Hatire, as well as his families contributitions to Elven Society. Here is but a small part of Jas' tale.

In the year 828 A.E. (After Elune) in a small hut inside Trinidad forest lived Haramos Hatire, a professional soldier, and his wife Sylvia Hatire, a sorceress by nature. They lived happily here, each tending to each others needs and their own when the situation arose. It was a cloudy day in August when Sylvia gave birth to a bristling young elf. Taking the boy in his arms, Haramos announced to the world,
"This is Jas Hatire, my son. All shall treat him with dignity and respect, and he will treat you equally well."
From this day, Haramos decided that his son would follow in his footsteps and lead soldiers into battle. He only hoped that the clans would be unified by then, or at least not at constant conflict with each other. Years went by and Jas started growing and maturing quickly. He was constantly asking questions of his family, trying to figure out the world he lived in. At 10, he proved to his father he was ready for combat training when he wrestled his father and won. Accepting that his son was growing abnormally strong, even for an elf of his heritage, he sends him off to the best Fighting Academy in the safe areas of the outer kingdom, Calpsyos Fighting Doju. Haramos and Calpsyo had grown up together in that academy when it was run by Fortendal Firewind, who was slain by the source on their graduation day from the academy. They had vowed to hunt down the Source and take revenge for their master, but no matter where they hunted for him, they could never find him. They then became professional soldiers, until Calpyso took over the academy and Haramos found Sylvia. Haramos knew Jas would do well with such a trusted and skilled tutor.

As Jas packed his things to go, he kissed his mother goodbye, and gave his dad a hug. As he got onto his solid white horse, and rode off with an escort from the academy, he wondered if he would ever see them again. After about an hour of riding, Jas asked the escort how much longer it would be.
"Oh, not so long now. It’s just up over that ridge there. If you’re as talented as your father suggested in the letter, you will have a great time here and perhaps become a warrior for one of the clans."
Jas nodded and remained quiet the rest of the trip. As he was getting of the horse and gathering his things, he asked the guide just one more question.
"What are the odds of me seeing my parents again?"
"Well provided they survive, which with your dad being your dad, and the rumors behind your mom's powers, I reckon they will. You'll see them in 20 years, when you finish your training."
"Thanks for everything." Jas said as he walked into the pearly white gates of the castle/academy.

Jas was amazed at the size of the place. Everywhere he looked there were doors leading to rooms with more doors, or staircases leading to who knows what. After walking around a bit in the main hall, a towering figure stood before Jas. He was wearing purple armor with black symbols on the shoulders, that read "Death is not the end, the end is when the soul gives way" in the forbidden language of the Drow elf. This impressive figure of an elf looked at Jas and stuck out his hand.
"Hello there Jas. I've heard a lot about your potential from your father in his letter. I'm Calpyso Calright; I'll be your personal tutor for the next few years you stay at the academy. You are lucky I was able to secure the job of headmaster of the academy, or else you might have wound up with a scrawny instructor like Pwint Halfdwight. Though he lacks physical strength, which is what you will be needing training in, he does posses a great deal of power with many of the elements. Now I'm sure you have many questions, and I'll be happy to answer a few."
Jas gulped as he met the person whom his father had shared many stories of adventures with to him. He looked around and said,
"First off, I would like to know what my training incorporates. Second, what am I to do once I'm finished with it? Finally, why are there so many guards?"
Calpyso nodded, "I see your father was not kidding when he said you wish to know the whole truth. Very well, I shall answer your questions. Your training will be composed of morning drills, which are running, archery, and scouting. Then you will have lunch and an hour to read books in the library. Your afternoon is composed of hunting, hand to hand combat, and swimming. Then you’re granted 2 hours off to have supper and rest if you need to. After that, you will be tested for any magical abilities, and if you have some, you will then have a 2 hour class with a teacher who specializes in your type of power, before either going to sleep and being woken up for sentry practice, or going straight to sentry practice. After your sentry shift is up, you will be allowed to bath and go about your business for the remainder of the night. Then we repeat the process the next morning. Secondly, once you’re finished, you will have your graduation ceremony, and depending on how well you did in your time here, you will either be given armor and weapons and a mission, or be released to fend for yourself. Lastly, there has to be a significant amount of guards in case we ever come under attack by one of the reckless clans, demons, or some other danger. I hope these answers will suffice you. Now you have the rest of the day to explore the academy and find out where everything is. If you need anything, just give a whistle and one of our magical dwarves will assist you."
Calpyso gave a bow and headed for what seemed to be a combat training are. Jas looked around. He couldn't believe he was going to spend the next 20 years of his life here. He eventually found his room, where collapsed and went to sleep almost the exact second his head hit the pillow.

The next 20 years flew by for the young elf. He was constantly training in all different areas of battle and life. The magics test showed he held moderate power with fire and electric elementals, and also conjuring and healing. The training in all these different fields left Jas worn out every day. If he was not training or ready on the brief history of the united kingdoms of the ESF, he was sleeping, trying to rest up for the next day. As the day drew closer to his graduation, his teachers knew he was going to graduate at the top of his class in all fields. His parents were notified and were brought to the castle a week before for protection and so they could see their son on his graduation day. It would most likely be the last day they would ever see him again, unless the fate sisters choose other wise.

The day had come and the celebrations began in the morning. Jas woke up to his mother and father sitting across from his bed. He immediately hugged them both and told them about the growth he had undergone while under the careful hand of Calpyso. Then they headed down to the main hall and had some breakfast before heading out to the lake for the graduation ceremony. Being the top student of the class, Jas would have a mock battle with Calpyso, and he became a victor, he would soon start his life's journey. As the students and parents there began to fill the area, Jas was given light armor, regular's gold plate armor, a gold helm, and a wooden stick. Calpyso was outfitted in the same attire. They bowed to each other and even before everyone had arrived, Jas had already delivered the blow that gave him victory. He had pivoted right and faked a jump before lunging forward and delivering the blow to the neck. The crowd cheered as the 2 warriors removed their helms and bowed to each other. Calpyso then raised Jas' left arm high in the air,
"My brothers and sisters, I give you one of the most talented and honorable elves ever to pass through the gates of this academy. Through all my 7000 years, I had not seen such diligence, honor, kindness, or power in one so young. I give you Jas Hatire, a true son of the warrior caste."
Jas bowed and behind the bow he was blushing hard, and the crowd gave another roar of approval. The rest of the ceremony went quickly and the crowd started to disperse before it was just Jas, his parents and Calpyso. His father approached him and gave his a handshake.
"You have done me proud so far son. I hope you continue to do so for many centuries on. Know though, that if you ever run into trouble, your mother and I will be there for you to fall back on. Now, go chase your destiny." Jas gave him a bear hug before his mom came in and hugged and kissed him through her tears. He gave both of them a hug and then they started back on their journey home. Finally Calpyso comes to him,
"You have done me, this academy, and your family very proud so far with your success. Now you must take what you learned here and start your own life out in the world. Here is your armor." He points to a light orange chest plate and helm with Pure Elf Symbols that translate to * Honor yourself, Honor your Foe, Honor Life*
"Now your mission is to fulfill your fathers and I vow to take revenge for our slain master. You must hunt down The Source of all Evil and destroy him. To aid you, you will be given these two swords, Hanswa and Night. Though they are not enchanted weapons, they are some of the most powerful this academy has. Use them well young one."
Calpyso then bows and leaves Jas to himself and his new things and mission in life. Jas looked at his armor, and then put it on slowly over his customary robes. He then hooked up the swords in their sheaths to the belt attachments, turned to the castle and said his last goodbye to it.

For the next few thousand years, Jas tracked The Source as best he could with the limited knowledge of it he had. He was beginning to despair when he met a young female Drow Elf outside of the outer kingdom. Her name was Serenity Raynor. Her family had vast knowledge of the demon world and was willing to help Jas if he promised to help unify the remaining clans and races to the Raynor cause. Jas reluctantly agreed. Serenity informed Raynor that the Source had gone into hiding back in the 7 Elvish Hells after it had slain Fortendal Firewind. The demon knew it was more than a match for any lone warrior, but the 2 elves that had sworn vengeance had worked together and he knew he would most likely not survive a conflict with both of them. Serenity would travel with Jas in the Hells and guide him to where the Source dwelled but not assist him in the fight. As they made their way through the many different layers of Hell, Jas received grimacing glares from many a demon. But since he was with Serenity, they left him be, for now. Finally Serenity stopped,
"This is it, this cave is where he hides now. Though it has been ages since he has fought, he is still very powerful. Not is he strong with powers, he is also a class 8 demon, a god to them, so you must be careful. No one has even harmed a demon of that class, much less kill one. I wish you luck noble Jas. Perhaps if you live, your influence might sway the tidings of our house."
With that Serenity vanished and it was Jas alone outside the Source's cave. He gathered his wits and prepared his blades, before he rushed into the cave. He could not have expected what he would see inside.
There stood an 8 ft tall form. It had arms and legs, but its skin was black, and where its head should have been, there were instead two floating red lidless eyes. It was wearing read heavy battle armor, made of mithril. Jas started try to run away when several upper class demons blocked his path. He noticed one in particular and thought he heard another demon call it Bobbage. Jas turned back to the Source. And realizing he had no other choice but to fight or die, he lunged out at the demon. The demon let Jas swing freely at his armor. Each strike made a clanking sound, but didn’t even put a dint in the armor. Becoming frustrated, Jas laid down Hanswa and began to chant while doing what looked like a dance with Night. The Source looked on curiously, and it wasn't until it was too late that it realized what Jas was doing. The Source cried out in anguish as wisps of red light began to go from it to Night. Soon the Source was no more than the 2 eyes. Jas had encompassed the Source's essence into Night. With a defiant grin, Jas broke Night over his leg. Now the Source would never have the ability to regain his power or form again. The yes began to dart away when Jas sliced them into several pieces with Hanswa. Inside the room a vortex began to form and Jas was pulled through it. When he came to, he realized he was outside where he had met Serenity, when she showed up.
"I have told my father of your exploits, and he has changed somehow. Now he is talking of the good we can do. He has also agreed to pledge him and the clans loyal to him to the fledgling national government. You have my eternal thanks for this change in my father. May Elune bless every breath you take." She gave a smile and a curtsey before disappearing again. Jas decided that he should go to the recently constructed capital. When he got there, he was told that the government had been dissolved into three separate groups. The Elders, the scouting clans, and the warrior clans. He was to see the Elders immediately. He approached the Elders village cautiously. He had heard strange tells of the Elders and their powers, but he did not know exactly what to expect. When he was allowed to enter his hut he was surprised to see they were blind. The one in the middle of the group began to speak to him.
"Behold Jas Hatire; we are the very beings who know all. And we know of your recent exploits in the Hells and unifying the clans. You have forever changed the history of our nation, and have started a new tradition. From now on, those pupils who have graduated in to top 10% of their class will be given a demon lord to slay in the hells. And those that succeed will be bestowed with several blessings of thanks from us. First, you may choose master training in any of the powers you already possess."
Jas thought about it for awhile before saying, "Healing and healing enchantments."
The elders chanted for a minute and then the leader began to talk again,
"You now can heal every wound, magic and physical, with just a press of your hand against the beings chest. Now you will be given this armor to symbolize your new status in Elven society. And the choice of two enchanted weapons." He first pointed to a navy chest plate with gauntlets and anklets. Surprisingly there was no helm. Then he pointed to a chest. Jas quickly removed his current armor and replaced it with his new. Its symbols read *Life in every breath*. He then moved over to the chest and pulled out a strange looking bow and a gold sword.
Once again the leader of the Elders spoke to Jas,
"You have chosen Larta and Phoenix. Larta draws upon a person ability to conjure to constantly arm itself with enchanted arrows with just the pull of the draw string. Phoenix on the other hand is enchanted with electricity and some fire weapons. Use these weapons wisely. For your services, you will also be made First General of the Soldarian clan, the clan in charge of the all the warrior clans in the ESF. Now all our soldiers will obey your command without question. Once again, thank you for your services so far, though you still have a grander part to play."
With that Jas was sent off to guard the East forest from invaders. For several thousand years he watched sentry apart for a month each year he went to the academy to meet the new recruits and then visit wit his parents. All this changed the day a large undead force arrived at the gate of TYW. Jas would go on to become great friends with their leader, and would accompany him on many journeys afterwards, each saving each others lives many times, before Jas would meet his death by the demon seductress Lolth.

The Schiavone Scribe
SPORT BANNED!

In a sensational turn of events last night, King Alfredo of Schiavonia banned competitive sports across the Forty-Six Islands.

The quite extraordinary decision was made after Schiavonia's three-one victory over World Cup 32 semi-finalists The Lowland Clans at the King Francesco Stadium in Kingsbury.

"We can't keep on doing this, inviting people to our country," King Alfredo explained, "Then beating them all at these games. It's just not very Schiavone, is it?"

"We should be friendly to everyone coming to our country, as well as to other people when overseas. A one hundred percent record in qualifiers doesn't suggest that we're being very friendly, does it?"

The decision has caused uproar across the nation, as hundreds of thousands of people have taken to the streets in protest. The most noteable gathering is outside the Royal Residence in Kinsbury, where over a million people from all over Schiavonia have gathered to show their disgust.

"How can he do something like this?" said one particularly angry football fan. "Sport has strengthened the relationships of people all over Schiavonia. With the national teams, it lets us all unite behind a single cause, then with our domestic clubs we get to go around the country and meet people we otherwise would never meet."

"Sport brings our communities together. Banning it just because we're getting a ridiculously good run of results to give everyone else a chance is the most dumbass idea I've ever heard!"

The SFF are now looking at alternative venues for their games, with venues within The League currently favoured.

"We are as outraged as everyone else is at this decision," SFF Chief Rodney Lowe fumed, "It's not going to stop us playing. We'll just look to play somewhere nearby, like Anastasiania, Collonie or Rejistania. If we play close enough, enough people would come on their boats to see us play."

Another possible location being touted is the former nation of Race Track (http://theleagueregion.proboards107.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1162409005), which consists of only a race circuit, an airfield and a football field. However, Rejistania looks like being the preferred loaction at the moment, with cricket moving to Anastasiania.

Lowe finished by saying, "Whatever happens, we will contest the decision until it is overturned. Schiavones are united in favour of sport."


Tarmey In Boots Mystery

Schiavonia's manager had further reason to be annoyed last night, as his prized boots that he used in his final appearance for Schiavonia at World Cup 30, mysteriously vanished from his Kingsbury home.

Tarmey, who is also Schiavonia's record goalscorer, told us, "It's got us absolutely puzzled. Who would do anything like this in Schiavonia?"

When asked if he thought it was part of a royal anti-sport conspiracy, Tarmey said that he didn't believe it was.

"It wouldn't make sense," he said, "To take a prized possession of the national team manager would just stoke up the anger of the people even more. They wouldn't want to risk somehting like that."

Police investigations are ongoing.


Penguin Sales Booming

Sales of Casari Fried Penguin, a new restaurant in Kingsbury serving deep fried portions of penguin, have seen sales go through the roof recently.

The company only opened their first shop three weeks ago in the city centre, yet sales have been so high that there is already talk of expanding the business.

"Penguin is definately proving popular here in Schiavonia," said spokesman Winston Riley, "If we carry on at this rate, we could have a CFP in every major city in Schiavonia within the next year!"

The pilot of a small cargo plane was listening to the live broadcast of Ropa-Topia's match against Atheistic Right on the radio. He had been listening to the match since he had picked up a large wooden crate at the Isle of Uhm, and because Ropa-Topia was winning (it was 4-0 now, and the match would soon be over) he hadn't noticed a warning light had been trying to alert him that he had left the door of the cargohold open. Even if he would notice now, it would be too late: the crate had already fallen out of the plane when he flew above the swamps of the Gnatanamo peninsula.

* * *

"How could you lose that cargo?" the man from Le Manchot Béton shouted at the pilot after he landed on Latipac Airport in Backwardistan. "Have you any idea how important that was?"

"Uh, no sir, I don't," the pilot said. "I was told I didn't have to know what was in that crate."

"Sir," a man shouted who came running toward them, "We have a signal from the tracking device. It seems the crate survived the fall, it's somewhere in south Uhuh-Topia."

"Send someone to retrieve it immediately," the Le Manchot-man said. He then looked at the pilot. "For your sake I hope the goods inside that crate survived as well."


Pre-cup Chapter 1 - An unexpected visitor (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12294678&postcount=11)
Chapter 2 - Penguins and plans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12342477&postcount=279)
Chapter 3 - Lost cargo

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

Lethislavania-0 QAZOX-5

7 that's how many matches in a row Qazox has won now, and no surprise it's a team record. After the 5-0 demolishing of Lethislavania, Qazox is now 7 points clear of Krytenia and 9 points above the play-in spot. With 8 fixtures left, it is still a bit early to book rips to either Az-Cz or Quakmybush, but it looks like the Black Oxen are probably going there.

Regina Reginald scored a first half hat-trick, the first of her carrer, after sitting out the last couple of games due to a sore knee. The rest seemed to ignite a spark in the young woman, who scored in the 20th, 35th and 42nd minutes to give Qazox a 3-nil lead at the half. Jonathon Sarafin added his 11th goal in the 59th minute, and Kyle Horton knocked home the final goal in the 64th. Greg Wolfen looked sharp in net earning his 3rd shut-out these qualifiers.

Up next for the Black Oxen is a trip to Cuation, whom we beat at home 3-1. Cuation has struggled these qualifers, but Cuation is a tough place to play for any squad and Qazox' winning streak may be in jeopardy. A 2-2 draw is what I see here.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Reginald (4,5,6)- 20', 35', 42'; Sarafin (11), 59'; Horton (7)- 64'
Lethislavania: none
CARDS: Lethislavania: None
Qazox: yellow: Limburger- 80'

It was the eve of matchday eleven, and huddled around Sakura Park, the national stadium of Northern Bettia, stood thousands of hardy supporters - ten thousand to be exact... no more, no less.

And spirits were high. Oh yes, the Fire Ants were riding on the crest of a wave after cheating, hacking, conning and playing - yes, playing - their way to an impressive four-one win away from home... but now ahead of them lay an even bigger test - a trip to an alternate reality.

In amoungst those supporters stood a burly bunch of fellows with NO GOOD written all over them (literally on some of them). They were the Yuna Crew, the self-styled bovver boys of the NS-World... and they were mightily pissed off.

And why were they pissed off?

Were their team playing badly? No, not particularly.

Had they ran out of beer? Far from it - in fact, they were probably all a little bit drunk.

Had they been on the receiving end of a humiliating thrashing by a rival crew of hooligans? No, in fact they had swept all who stood against them with inpunity... and that was what pissed them off. Not the fact that they were able to kick seven shades of brown out of any foreigner who looked at them funny, but the fact that their exploits were getting the recognition they deserved. Not one newspaper article, not one mention on the national news - things were so bad, the hit counter on their own Yuna Crew blog seemed to be going backwards.

But this was their opportunity. Once they wreak a bit of havoc in The Archregimancy, they'll be world famous. You know, vandalise a few shrines, duff up a monk or two, smash an icon here and there - and they'd be no police to stop them.

"I tell ya lads, I can't wait for this! We're gonna kick arse, big time! We'll show'em - Yuna Crew Rules!" Hiro gloated, punching the open palm of one hand with his fist.

As he said that, they all became aware of a bright flash from across the street. From out of nowhere, a pair of monks had appeared, clad all in black with hoods pulled over their heads. Silently, they walked through the thousand of fans as they approached the Northern Bettian players and staff who were stood outside the main entrance to the stadium reception. All was silent, save for the studs of the monks' football foots clacking against the car park tarmac. They stopped in front of Iwan Obani, paused for a while, then nodded before turning around and quietly uttering an incantation in some unintelligible language (well, unintelligible to the average Northern Bettia anyway).

With a flash, a swirling vortex opened up in front of them - it was the gateway to their realm. The two monks stood aside, and the players disappeared into the portal. Shortly afterwards, the assembled fans slowly followed suit, walking somewhat nervously - it wasn't their fault... swirling purple thingys tend to put one on edge. And enar the back, the Yuna Crew impatiently waiting until finally it was their turn.

They emerged on the other side, blinking. Their destination stood in stark contrast to the typical urban surroundings of Anyuna - a collection of old stone buildings lie dotted about the place, some of which were precariously perched on the edges of cliffs and on top of nearby mountains. The air here was noticably cleaner too - no cars, no fumes... just the faint whiff of insence.

But that mattered not one bit to our 'friends'. The only thing they cared about was causing mischief, and Hiro spotted the perfect opportunity - a wall that was simply begging to be tagged. Chuckled, he pulled out a can of spraypaint as he marched over, gave it a little shake then, along with his mates, started to write all sorts of vulgar obscenities.

A half a minute or so of frantic graffitti-ing, they stood back and admired their work... but something was wrong with the wall. It wasn't the wall of a monastry... it was their beloved Sakura Park. They were back in Northern Bettia.

"What the fuck? What's going on here?"

"You don't suppose it was that thing they have about transporting troublemakers, do you?"

Hiro growled. "Why those bloody self-righteous... come on, that portal thing's still open. Let's go!"

They ran as fast as they could, frantically trying to catch it before it closed. Luckily for them, it didn't, and they soon arrived back in The Archregimancy. Eager to make up for lost time, Hiro clenched his fist and started sprinting toward a pair of monks who just happened to walking down the street towards them.

"Chew on this, you fuckers!" he yelled as he swung as hard as he could. An enormous sense of self-satisfaction quickly washed over him as he felt his fist connect with a jaw... but before he could react, someone behind him as pushed him up against a wall and quickly slapped a pair of handcuffs on him.

"That's it sunshine, you're coming with us."

"What? What's going on?" Hiro looked around, confused. He was back in Anyuna, but this time accompanied by two swarthy policemen.

"You're under arrest for assaulting a police officer, that's what's going on."

Hiro cursed in rage - so much for his planned rampage across the dreamed realm.



Fixtures / Results


MD..OPPONENT.............VENUE...RESULT
01: Zwangzug.............HOME....W 2-1
02: Cafundéu.............Away....W 2-1
03: Ariddia..............Away....L 0-2
04: Fmjphoenix...........HOME....W 3-2
05: Houersteinzer........Away....D 1-1
06: The Archregimancy....HOME....L 1-3
07: Tanah Burung.........HOME....W 3-1
08: Dance 2 Revolution...Away....W 1-0
09: Algal States.........HOME....W 5-3
10: Fmjphoenix...........Away....W 4-1
11: The Archregimancy....Away
12: Ariddia..............HOME
13: Tanah Burung.........Away
14: Houersteinzer........HOME
15: Algal States.........Away
16: Zwangzug.............Away
17: Dance 2 Revolution...HOME
18: Cafundéu.............HOME

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/algal_states.png Algal States 0-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Stumble, and straighten up

Going into the second half of the qualifying round, the Rouge-et-Noirs had some lost ground to make up for. They had been in first place within Group 2 until their crushing 0-3 defeat to the Archregimancy’s team of football-playing monks, and are currently in third place.

No changes to the starting eleven were made as the Ariddians headed for the Algal States, although the Rouge-et-Noirs’ coach Yves al Jahdali, who is just beginning his coaching career after having been a Rouge-et-Noirs defender himself, knows he is on shaky ground. Much better had been expected of the defending Champions.

And, although Ariddia conceded no goals against the Algal States, the Rouge-et-Noirs scored only two. . . just half as many as during their home match against the same opponent. Trevor Komu scored one goal, with the other being scored on penalty kick by Xavier Xu.

Team captain Chloé al Safi, however, appeared more optimistic than previously.

“It’s a clear victory, we scored enough goals to get those three points without being worried, and we didn’t concede any. Our record against the Algal States in this competition is an average of three goals per match, with none conceded. I’d say that’s not too bad. Of course, we want to improve. . . But the situation is far from disastrous, whatever some may be saying.”

Impossible Dream? Maybe.

After today's 2-1 victory over their then closest competitior Magnus Valerius- a team which did knock Tynelia out of its first Cup of Harmony many years back, Tynelia finds itself in strange territory. Up seven points on fourth place East Lithuania and only four behind their next opponnent Milchama who seeks to avenge their lone draw to this point.

That's right, barring a sudden collapse, Tynelia in its seventh try could actually qualify for its first ever World Cup. No doubt that would ease the mind of the Masterson family as Coach Jay Masterson would finally retire from active compeititon having achieved his oft-stated goal. Though to be honest it must also be said that all matches to date have been so close that Coach masterson has yet to actually set foot on the field as a player.

In today's matchup Magnus Valerius struck first on a nice header from Karl von Hohenstauffen at the 31st minute to go up 1-0. However Connor MacDougal tied things up just before extra time began late in the 44th minute of the half. The second half was well played on both sides when the game breaker came from an expected source as Tina Conroy, after replacing Mia Thompson in minute 71, scored her first international goal off a Bill Jakes' shot rebound in minute 79 for the winner.

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Woaimbei!!!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village sung...

Uma feittttttttaaaaaaaaaaa weiiiiiiiia!!!!!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village danced...

Iiiiiiiiiialaaa vavvvvvvva duiiiiiiiiiiiiiaeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village sung & danced...

Weiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiialiiiiiiiiiiii! um vet!

...The people of Riailia Village stopped... ... A tall man stepped into the middle of an attentive circle with two women on each side holding large Cocoabo feathers masking the identify of the man. The man stopped. There was a long pause.















Then, with timing that greenwich would be proud of, the feathers fell to the floor and the young women to their knees in respect for the man who now stood central to the onlookers. Another pause.










The man then slowly began raising his hands in the air. The people of Riailia Village obliged, in soft voices and slow tempo...

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Woaimbei!!!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village began moving their heads...

Uma feittttttttaaaaaaaaaaa weiiiiiiiia!!!!!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village began moving their arms...

Iiiiiiiiiialaaa vavvvvvvva duiiiiiiiiiiiiiaeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

...The people of Riailia Village moved their arms and their heads...

Weiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiialiiiiiiiiiiii! um vet!

... The people of Riailia Village stopped once again. This time however, everyone stared straight up at the sky. And there was another pause.





This pause was not quite so long, as a man painted to resemble an Aye-Aye approached the center of the circle. He paced around the other man several times, mummering to himself, before he stopped, back to back with the man in the center, and then there was a very long pause.
























The Aye-Aye man then raised his arms into the air.

Yiiiiiiiiiiaklaaaaiiiama! Niialia viia lu Riailia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuuuuuuuutiiiiiiiballllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Ciiiiiiiialiaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Already anxious, the entire crowd burst into cheers, and the song and dance resumed, accompanied this time by the makaiko drums and the vilivala sticks in the background. After a mediocre opening half of World Cup 33 Qualifying, One of Riailia Village's own had been chosen as the new national football coach of the Island Emirate of Turori, the greatest honor ever bestowed on a member of the Village.

NSWC 33 RP post No. 27

TANGIS' MIRSHANNen REI DAL ELAMSHINAE
EVEN ANGELS FALL FROM GRACE

Demot - 2 - V - 0 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/2121111.jpg
Is this the future of Football in The YoungWorld?

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Clearly when that wise old man said football was a game of two halves he was spot on, and this match was a prime example as Fort Europe who dominated the opening half of the game, failed to make certain of the result in the second. Fort Europe started confidently, pushing Demot back at every opportunity and taking the game to the small nation who beat them three one at the Commonwealth Stadium in the first leg. Seemingly however Fort Europe were never destined to win this match as no matter how many chances they had, they couldn't find the mark, Karl Isaak coming closest when he struck the crossbar from eighteen yards out on the half hour. The second half was a different story though as Demot brought on fresh legs and started to push back, the opening goal scored by David Masteron from Justin Frontson's sixty eighth minute cross to take the lead for the home side. Fifteen minutes later they were two up when a Jason Alvarez corner connected with the head of substitute defender Mike Young who took his eye off the ball under pressure from Samantha Black and the ball ended up in the back of his own net.

An otherwise clean and friendly match with no cards being drawn, and a friendly atmosphere enjoyed by the traveling supporters both inside and outside the stadium made the match enjoyable to watch even it the result wasn't so pleasent. Fort Europe will of course be expected to get back to winning ways as the visit Druida next on their tour of group three's national stadiums. Elsewhere the Riskbreakers own risk payed off as they beat the tournament's number one seed at home in group four by two goals to one. Toast randomly got 'eaten and the Elves continue to prove they don't have what it takes as they drew at home with Marceau State. Oh, and there was a six goal to nil stuffing for Turruth Gordur.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

5 - James West
6 – Murphy Lee
7 – Tim Forrester
5 - Shaun Pearson
5 - Gemma Lloyd
6 - Katherine Keller
5 – Andy Fletcher
6 - Mia Nevola
5 - Ryan Holmes (C)
5 - Michelle Bishop
7 - Karl Isaak

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
3 - Mike Young (On for Pearson (45))
- - Aki Haddon
- - Edowine Sanjuan
5 - Josephine Blanchard (On for Fletcher (70))


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/001111.jpg
Karl Isaak strikes again

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/5222.jpg
David Masterson celebrates with Justin Frontson

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/44222.jpg
Isaak consoles a disappointed Mike Young.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Vilitan victory: but is it false hope?

As the second half of qualifying for World Cup 33 begins, Quintessence of Dust travelled to Vilita for their first rematch. After going a goal down, they snatched back an equaliser, and went on to win 3-1, meaning they completed a double set against the oddly out of form Vilitans. But while there was much celebration around the country and satisfied comments from players and staff, some have warned that this single instance does not signify a wholesale reversal of fortunes from the inglorious slide they seemed to be stuck on.

The Quodites are clear of most of the challengers to fourth place, thanks in part to main rival JSY's drawing against Cluichstan, but are someway off third, only likely to be exacerbated when they play Krytenia. It would seem unlikely they would be able to gain six points on the Aces over the final few matches, meaning the only realistic chance of qualification is in the non-automatic pool, where they currently linger at the fringes of inclusion. Still, the prospect of an admittedly slim chance remaining might be enough to spur on a team that could otherwise have given up hope.

Another problem is the ugle spectre bookings, of which they have managed to rack up 18 in just 10 matches, including two today. First, goalkeeper Winchester Furman was ingloriously booked for timewasting, despite his protestations that he had merely been investigating the pie stall behind his goal. Then, Peter Rogers picked up a yellow for a more straightforward foul. Both will miss the next game, with Benny Chang playing for Furman and Benvolio Azzinio for Rogers, while Frederic Renard will make an ill-advised move to centre midfield.

But there were no problems with Renard's performance today, as he scored two goals and created the third to propel his team to a badly-needed victory. Vilita's opener was unfortunate, with Micky Marberger unknowingly walking into a cross, which was spiralling into oblivion. The deflection fell at the feet of an onrushing striker who converted it all too easily, leaving Marberger to pick the ball out of the net with vengeance in his eyes.

This was inflicted on the half hour mark, when he found Jessica Jensen with an excellent long ball. Jensen took the ball down the left and hit a clinical cross that dissected the Vilitan defence, Renard dashing in to put in a fine finishing volley that left the keeper standing. From that point on, Quintessence of Dust always looked the more assured team, controlling the majority of the possession and winning the midfield battles on a regular basis.

The second goal came after half time, in mirror image format to the first: Dino Achten spread the ball across field to Renard, who hit a first time cross that practically landed on Dennis Young's nose. The header was struck powerfully enough to find its way in through a couple of deflections. Moments later, a virtual replay was acted out, this time Young trying to volley and embarrassingly missing the ball entirely.

The final goal was in the 90th minute (though with a few minutes injury time ahead), and involved a good passing move from Guilermo Azzinio through Rogers to David Yellowback, who then found Renard, putting in another powerful strike on target. The game finished with Quintessence of Dust emphatically rampant, spraying in a series of shots from all angles and ranges.

The performance gives hope, but should not be mistaken for anything more than transitional relief before the next set of testing encounters. If the national squad is to retain any hope of advancement at this level, it will have to eke out every possible point, a task that will prove daunting, but not impossible. A dash of luck at this stage would no doubt also be looked upon most favourably.

"Finally its about time we're off the plane"

"I know, it's Americas pasttime"'

"What's America? Is that like Amerigo? and shut up now"

"Ok"

"Yeh now we just need to find her, taking our name that b-"

"I told you to shut up!"

"Sorry"

"Anyway what happened while we were on that plane"

"Apparently it's been days the first game was against East Lithuania"

"Damn"

"Whatever, let's get a taxi"

"Ok"

"Taxi! Taxi!"

"Here's one, let's go!"

"Take us to the Cookesland Broadcasting Corporation"

"Sure, what are you doing there?"

"We have an appointment with Milchama Banks"

"You're not from around here are you?"

"No we're Milchamians"

"Ahhh, I knew it, I've heard those accents on TV before"

"Can we have a paper? The flight apparently took a couple of days"

"Sure, here you go"

"Aw fuck! The Warriors lost"

"To who? Bazalonia"

"No they beat the Bazalopes but lost to Rorysville"

"Well let's revive the positive spirit and get Banks"

"Yeh!"

Final Score:
Milchama 5 (Belmowitz 21, 25, 90, Marchakov 46, 64)
Bazalonia 3 (Hobble 12, 45, 76)

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Keffer 67, 80)
Rorysville 3 (Hockey 1, 11, French 20)

Milchama Banks unsuspectingly walked into the studio right before the broadcast and talked to the studio chief. "Hi, Harry did you watch the game today?" Harry replied "No i missed it, i was pretty busy today". "Thats a shame", Milchama said and added, "We finally are starting to rally back i hope". "Yeah, hey want to come over my house and watch the next match?" Harry asked her. Milchama liked Harry and gratefully accepted. "Oh, i'm on!" she quickly said and scrambled to her place.


CBC International News

Coricas, Cookesland -Hello all and welcome to CBC World News, I'm Milchama Banks, and you're not. First for today's news we have had the best game anyone seen in week. Today the Owls faced Schiavonia and loss at the last moments. The game was 3-2 Schiavonia and has given fans the hope that this streak may very well soon be over. Both Goals today were scored by Striker Colin Short. The Team faces Baronstein tommorrow in an away game so come out and support the team.

In other news....



Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home - Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away- Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home- Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away - Loss 0-6
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home - Loss
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home - Loss
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away - Loss
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away - Loss
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home - Loss 2-3
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU CONTINUES WINNING, BUT STILL ISN’T IN A COMFORTABLE SITUATION

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/2470/4607584937gacafys3.jpg
Players reach Zwangzug to play the game

Another good victory for Cafundéu again, which kept the team in the second position, with the same number of points of Ariddia and one behind The Archregimancy. This would be a good situation, but Northern Bettia continues being a problem for the team, as Cafundéu is only one point in front of them. The rituals didn’t work yet and many supporters are worried, and started to think why they had to be in the most disputed group in the qualifiers.

In this game, Cafundéu wasn’t able to use the strategy of massive attacks, and, even with a formation with three attackers, only scored in the second half, after the coach made changes in the team. But, in general, the victory against Zwangzug was a good result, and the team is confident that can beat Fmjphoenix in the next game, playing at home.

THE GAME
With a very offensive formation, Cafundéu started the game looking to score away, but the field wasn’t in good conditions. This was a problem for both teams. In the first minutes, Cafundéu used its massive attacks, but it didn’t work. In the first chance, Renário dribbled a player and passed the ball to Heitor, who shot. The ball hit the bar and went wide. In another, Anormal’s shot was blocked by the defense.

The time was passing, and Cafundéu continued trying to score using the same strategy. Zwangzug’s defense was well prepared, and stop most of the monopolists’ attacks. Ganz Ijak had a chance, receiving the ball from Kirs and shooting, but the goalkeeper save. Zwangzug started the counterattack and was near to score. Barons dribbled Sávio Ferrari, invaded the area and shot, but Vargas was able to hit the ball before it hit the post.

After the middle of the first half, Cafundéu abandoned the initial strategy, and decided to hold more the ball counting with the ability of its midfielders, who could create a good chance anytime. Zwangzug left the defense and created more. In a good attack. Hammers passed the ball to Stings, who shot from outside the area. The ball went wide. Cafundéu replied with Heitor, who got the ball after a free kick taken by Kliek hit the wall. He shot, a defender blocked the ball and Priotto got the rebound, sending the ball to the supporters.

In the last minutes of the first half, when both teams were playing a exciting and equal game, a important event happened. Barons made a violent foul on Kliek when the midfielder was going to start a counterattack and was sent off. Zwangzug’s players complained, but the referee ignored them. Before the end of the half, Renário fouled Sevvy and received a yellow card. He was very nervous. The first half ended with a goallesss draw.

Cafundéu made an “all or nothing” change, putting the offensive midfielder Metir in Wantuirso’s place. The second half started and both teams continued playing well, although Zwangzug suffered after Barons was sent off. Soon Renário was involved in another confusion. A supporter started to shout with him and discussed with him. The referee was going to show the red card to Renário, but Braddock substituted him before it. Later it was discovered that Renário owed money to that man.

Knowing that the draw wasn’t a good result for Cafundéu, as Northern Bettia was winning the game, the players showed great will to win and much dedication, wanting to score. Cafundéu started to grow even more, and Zwangzug wasn’t too well anymore. After some missed chances, by Kliek and Heitor, Ganz Ijak received the ball from Anormal, dribbled Sevvy and Tercer and shot in the right side of the goal to score. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/1048/4168138077gacafeo5.jpg
Ganz Ijak commemorates his goal

“We arrrrre starrrrrting to imprrrrrove. Our players arrrrre attacing better. Look at Anorrrrrmal, he passes the ball to Ganz Ijak... he invades the arrrrrea drrrrribbling two players, shoots to the goal... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look it again in the replay! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Zwangzug zero!”

It was clear that Zwangzug wasn’t playing very well after the goal because they had one player less. And Cafundéu continued taking advantage of this situation, attacking more and more. In one chance, Priotto found Anormal, who shot from outside the area. The ball hit Hammers, who fell on the ground with a strong headache, and had to leave the game. At least he saved his team. Zwangzug tried to reply with Ryne Olson, who dribbled Vandick, and shot, but sent the ball wide.

With less then fifteen minutes remaining, Cafundéu was in search of the second goal to avoid the chances of losing the victory. The first chance came with Metir, who received the ball from Heren Ijak and headed to the goal, but Trumper made a good save. In the second chance, Heren Ijak recieved the ball from Metir and headed. Trumper saved again, but this time Ijak took the rebound and hit the ball with his knee, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Thirty-three minutes of the second half. This time is Metir who reaches the ending line, crrrrrossing the ball to the arrrrrea. Herrrrren heads it! TRUMPER! Herrrren gets the rebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see it again in the replay! Herrrrren Ijak, number nineteen! Cafundéu two, Zwangzug zero!”

With the victory very near, Braddock put Cocada to guarantee the result, and let the time pass. Zwangzug tried to score in the last minutes with Onymous, but the shot went wide. The game ended and Cafundéu could rest after a good game and good result, which the players fought hard to get. This World Cup qualifiers are more difficult than last one until now.

After the game, Renário talked with the media about his incident with the angry supporter: “He was my agent when I was eighteen and playing for Vascus, an amateur team. Then I got some money from him and never paid him. But I’ll pay him, I promise.” Heren Ijak talked with the media too: “They played the whole second half with just ten players and because of that we could score twice. It was a good game and we got a good result.”

Vandick talked with the press too: “The field wasn’t in good conditions, and the first half was extremely difficult for us, so it’s a very good result. In the second half we adapted ourselves to the field and could get the victory.” The coach Franz Braddock said: “As a football admirer, I must say that I liked this game, especially the first half. As the coach of Cafundéu, I liked especially the second half. These three points will keep us on top and this is good.” Many reporters didn’t understand exactly what he said.

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/6177/3016479992gacafhq3.jpg
Card has to get the ball from his team's goal

ZWANGZUG 0x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown stadium, in Zwangzug.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Seth Jap (Atheistic Right).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png ZWANGZUG: Trumper, Card, Tercer and Sevvy; Ruck, Stael, Hammers (Onymous 72’) and Barons; Ryne Olson, Stings and Maughum (Onymous 60’).
Coach: that one in the bench.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick, Wantuirso (Metir 45’), Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto and Kliek (Cocada 80’); Heitor, Renário (Heren Ijak 55’) and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:CAF: Ganz Ijak 66’ , Heren Ijak 78’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Fmjphoenix: Vargas, Vandick, Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Brahma and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: James Hundley (Legalese).

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Goalscorers after 10 games:

8- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
4- Renário
3- Anormal
2- R. Kliek and H. Ijak
1- J. Kimball, J. Priotto, R. Kirs and Becão

Paladins Suffer 2nd Defeat to Bazalopes

Yes, I know the headline is round the wrong way but this article is not about the Bazalopes, this is about New Montreal States, The Paladins, a team that is in the top 10 soccer nations in the world and yet they have only managed a total of 8 points . New Montreal States are currently sitting 2nd last in the table with will be a major blow. Only Croisland a new nation that had entered the Baptism of Fire is lower than them. So let's have a look at just exactly how they got there.

Rorysville 1 New Montreal States 1

A lacklustre performance that lacked the elecriticty needed for this level of soccer, A 1 all draw against Rorysville would have normally been written off as a fluke, however this was just the start of things to come.


New Montreal States [2] The Great Monty Python [0]

Not much of a better performance, the Paladins should have scored at least double this, but a win was a win... This game saw the Paladins in the two games got the same number of points as in their next 8.

New Montreal States [0] East Lithuania [2]
This is were New Montreal States just fell apart failing to make a single goal against East Lithuania, a relative new comer to the World Cup. This should have been an easy win, but even East Lithuania pulled 2 goals on the Paladins.

Bazalonia [5] New Montreal States [1]
The Bazalopes first encounter with the Paladins this world cup Qualifying, a dominating performance by the Bazalopes as the Paladins slip further and further down the table.

New Montreal States [0] Milchama [4]
While the Bazalopes and the Warriors battle it out for the top of the table the Paladins seemed to be sinking further into mediocrity and despondancy. A nation that was before this World Cup an international power had only gained 4 points in 5 games, something was not right.

Tynelia [1] New Montreal States [0]

Most probably the Paladins best effort for the tournament so far, restricting the Tynelians to only one goal, however it was their forwards who let them down by failing to score a single goal. A sad thing when their best performance was in a game that they lost.

The Aqua Moose [1] New Montreal States [5]

Now this was the New Montreal States that we all knew and love. The forwards from New Montreal States must have been boosted by the somewhat effective defense and this time it resulted in a 5-1 Paladin thrashing of Baptism of Fire New comers The Aqua Moose. However this was to bo short-lived

New Montreal States [0] Croisland [0]

And then suddenly it collapsed, no one knows how, why or what happened to the team before this world Cup but the Paladin's defense barely managed to keep away the inexperienced Croisland team, once again it was the forwards who let the Paladins down. This was the last point that has been scored. For the New Montreal States Paladins.

Magnus Valerius [2] New Montreal States [1]

Maybe it was the friendship that both these teams shared, I dunno, but it certainly seemed that the Boyars took it easy on the visiting Paladins, though still 3 points was 3 points and was needed.

New Montreal States [1] Bazalonia [2]

The Last match that had been played up to this day. The New Montreal States team continued to play bad while so did the Bazalopes though the Paladins just played that much worse to give the Bazalopes a win.

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/saintremytribune.jpg

Cafundéu team signs Sinclair for $6 million

A stunning amount of money is involved in the transfer of Kelssek international Ian Sinclair to Abbade Family Football in Cafundéu, agreed today - approximately $6 million is the transfer fee. Sinclair will also be paid $4.8 million per year, putting him on par with some of the top-liners of the Kelssek Hockey League. It will also make him the richest Kelssekian footballer, earning a whopping four times what star playmaker Vincent Arsenault, who drops to second place, is paid by the Ulyanov Wolves.

It's the first international valuation of Kelssekian footballing talent, and the bar is being set high. The question is being asked now, if Sinclair can make that much, and attract that kind of money, what of talents like Arsenault and Cournoyer?

But some are also worried that the Kelssek Football League will be hollowed out with all the best Kelssekian talent plying their trade abroad. But even with the surge inspired by the national team's performance on the world stage, football never will be popular enough for Kelssekian clubs to be able to shell out the cash that clubs in places where it is a national obsession can.

"It's inevitable," says one analyst, "our clubs just can't compete on that level. But it will be good for the national team. Our players playing at a higher level can only help the development of the sport here."

$4.86 million per year is...

1/3 the salary of Thomas Jerchek, the KHL's 2005-06 Player of the Year and currently the highest-paid athlete in Kelssek.
2.5 times the average salary of a KHL player.
3 times the average salary of a Rugby Superleague player.
4 times the average salary of a private-sector chief executive (including Soviet corporations).
9 times the salary of Prime Minister Alan Kerk.
37 times the average salary of a Kelssek Football League player.
55 times the income of the average Kelssekian household.

So that was how the game worked. Ulysses would have understood earlier, he believed. If there had been a football team longer, he would have been young enough, good enough...and seen enough to understand.

Jacob's foul surprised him. His fellow midfielder was odd, sure, but not very violent: then again, the referee in that first game against Northern Bettia might have cut him some slack. Rube, ever the progressive, defended Jacob, religion or not.

Then there was that incident with the guy in the bleachers. Apparently a debtor had escaped to Zwangzug. That was their nation: debt haven, socialist paradise, geek refuge, home of a religious sect whose preeminent delegate was glaring suspiciously from the bench...Anything but the home of a football team on a miraculous run.

Near the end of the game, Ulysses noted that Anne had come in. They all blended together: Jacob gone, Roger injured...

And a third midfielder who, in spite of the team's ineptitude, would play to outshine his brother, Ulysses acknowledged ruefully. Just like the forwards, they could not compete against Cafundéu if they were competing against themselves.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Outside Looking In

LONDON - So once again, here we are with the Lowland Clans Galaxy sitting on the outside looking in against Demot, the team that the Galaxy are chasing by four points and need a victory to even think about obtaining an automatic qualification spot. What will it take for the Galaxy to get it moving? Well, The Bandit said it best: "We need a high level of consistent performances, enough to move us forward. This team came into the tournament in the top 10 for the first time in nearly a century, and they should be able to stay there. We are a team that has been around long enough to deserve a World Cup. We are the oldest active team in the World Cup outside of Squornshelous, who won ironically enough in the Lowland Clans. So what is my game plan? Stick to what has succeeded. Use a midfield anchored by Silas to push forward and absorb attacks, and then attack from outside of the box. It has worked and it will continue to work. Of course, we'll throw in some surprises just to keep Demot on their toes and honest."

But this is becoming a chronic problem for Galaxy supporters in their quest for the first World Cup and bringing it to the Lowland Clans. Perpetually on the outside looking in, and after two very good performances in the World Cup, all of the sudden things are starting to look a little crazy. So after the purge of the FFLC, the installation of Andrew Creek and his development programs, what do we have to show for it? Potential success in the future. POTENTIAL success, nothing confirmed or even guaranteed. Merely a measure of potential success. Something tells me that this is going to be a rough Cup for Galaxy fans. Of course, who knows, I could be wrong and the Galaxy could pull it out, win every game from now till kingdom comes, and win their first ever cup, and then bring it back and defend it on home soil. But that's probably not going to happen. But then again, this is the domain of Margaret, no one ever knows, not even probabilities, of what could or could not happen.

And for tomorrow, let's go Galaxy!

Rollin On

Squornshelous steamrolled over Commerce Heights to begin the second half of qualifying, cruising to a 3-1 victory. Squornshelous controlled just about every aspect of the match, and but for a short lapse coming out after the half, they were perfect. The passing in the Squornshelan midfield was intricate and exsquisite. This young group has really "clicked". They play togather like old pros. The Pschychoes were able to move the ball at will, and only the brilliance of Capitalizt keeper 박영성 kept Squornshelous from running away with the match completely.

As it was, Arman Latvala scored the opening goal at 24 minutes, and Per Korov followed up just before the whistle. Latvala's goal came on a relatively simple first touch shot following a fantastic pass across the top of the box from Jaromil Ctibor. Ctibor also set up Korov's goal, leading him with a good ball down the wing. Korov then cut inside across 왕고소 and fired the ball into the top of the net.
The Capitalizts' Nicole Bell pulled her team within one in the 47th, with a quick move around rookie defender Sten Mortenson and an even quicker shot to beat Varg in the bottom corner. Squornshelous buckled down and resumed their control of the ball afterward, and Emil Jalmari netted an insurance goal with about 15 minutes remaining. Saturio Luguëo slipped and went down on the play, leaving Jalmari one on one against 박영성. The Capitalizts made a few desperate attacks in the match's waning moments, but co-managers Aalto and Benelli dropped their midfielders back to help out and Squornshelous easily fended them off.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-1 Commerce Heights

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 7
Hermanni: 5
Latvala: 4
Jalmari: 3
Varg: 3
Korov: 2
Armin: 1
Mortenson: 1
Petchukov: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD6: Altanar 4-1 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous 3-0 Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani 2-4 Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous 6-3 Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous 3-1 Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

THE MONASTIC TIMES

FR. SILOUAN SCORES A DOUBLE TRINITY
Revolution Fended Off By Orthodox

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In one of the most remarkable feats in the history of monastic sport, Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves - who only recently returned to football after an extended period of hermitic contemplation - scored all six of his team's goals against a lackluster Dance 2 Revolution, consolidating his position as the Archregimancy's all-time leading scorer in the process.

Fr. Silouan's double trinity of goals consisted of a 33rd minute header off a corner, a 43rd minute volley off a sublime cross from Br. Iosephus, a 53rd minute toepoke past the home keeper following a botched clearance, a 63rd minute freekick, a 66th minute halfvolley off the outside of the foot following some lovely approach work by Br. Innocent, and - to cap off a remarkable night - a 93rd minute injury time penalty. Somewhere in there, the home side squeezed in a consolation of their own, but it hardly seemed to matter as the Orthodox monks ran rampant over a nation whose name, in the wake of the events in the wake of October 1917, has always been the cause of some suspicion.

Fr. Silouan later proclaimed that he'd "been in the zone of prayerful Lenten reflection" during the match, and that he dedicated his goalscoring double trinity as "a footballing icon of humility before the awesome majesty of God". Sources close to the team also revealed that the recent visit of Patriarch Feodor III of Magnus Valerius to watch the Archregimancy's 3-0 victory over World Cup champions Ariddia had also been a source of inspiration.

Despite the Archregimancy's remarkable Lenten form this footballing season, they are by no means sure of qualification for the World Cup proper, with the top four teams in Group 2 still only separated by two points. Last night's crushing victory did nonetheless give the Orthodox a healthy goal difference cushion.

Elsewhere, monastic football fans have been assured that no trouble is expected from Northern Bettia fans during the latter nation's visit to the Archregimancy. "The usual precautions are in place" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, "and indeed appropriate action has already been taken with some visiting troublemakers. Nonetheless, we stress that the law-abiding minority of Fire Ants fans are welcome to the Holy Monastic Republic."

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE AWARDED 5-0 WIN IN WALKOVER
"Soft and Lazy" Route to Victory Celebrated

By Anna Comneno

Following the Holy Empire's inability to transport their team to Ordinary Reality to a nation that no longer exists, World Cup organisers today awarded the Imperial Squad a 5-0 victory over the suddenly-vanished Hockey Canada.

This led to immediate confusion among the other Group 3 teams, who immediately demanded to know just who they'd been facing over the preceding nine matches, and how a team from a non-existent nation had managed to win three of its ten matches.

"Not our problem" said Holy Empire coach Juan Tzimisces, while sources close to the Holy Empire Football Association merely noted that "perhaps they do things differently in Ordinary Reality, but it's patently impossible for us to travel from the Dreamed Realm to a nation that no longer exists. End of story as far as we're concerned."

The team were said to be quietly celebrating a soft and lazy victory that consolidated second place in the group, with several members of the squad asking if HEFA couldn't simply arrange for the team to win all of its remaining matches - including the World Cup final - by asking the other team to just not show up.

A person went through the streets of the seleken capital. He fled from hospital after he had the feeling something was not kosher about it. He did not know his name nor most other things about him. but he knew he was in this city before. He let his gut lead him to a building, which's function he could not understand. There were signs in front of the building, but they were written in this alphabet... seleken. Two letters made sense to him as 'Ni~n' and 'E~l' which confused him. He was standing there, pondering when suddenly a bell rang inside the building and a group of children left the building while chatting, followed by another one, and by a some students, who left on their own... 'This is a school' his gut protested this perfectly logical explanation. He had no idea what to feel or to think, so he decided to keep on wandering through the city to search for places, which sparked relevance. After several hours he found something: A place where people go into to drink, a pub, for some reason sparked relevancy. It had a wild boar as logo and a name in seleken. He went there and he saw that a soccer game was underway and everyone was looking at the screen. Slowly he started remembering things. This was a match of the national team, a qualification match. He slowly ignored his situation and just started getting more and more interested in the match. When, just minutes before the end, Linux Aseru scored the 2:0 against the qutaris, he was simply and unconditionally happy. Until he realized that the guards from the hospital managed to grab his right arm and forced him to follow them.

MASTER GUILLAUME. So, not much success at the Grostadion today?

MASTER WENZEL. No, I am afraid that the team did not do their best today. This is not a good thing. I am very much distressed hereby.

MASTER GUILLAUME. An indeed unfortunate turn of events, drawing Coocoostan, a no good team who we defeated while playing in their stadium.

MASTER WENZEL. The score was one to one. And I know that this is the time in the RP when you begin grousing about how your team was actually the better one and the referee was evidently no good and why we should have had seven or eight more goals had it not been for the flock of hummingbirds in front of the opposing teams goal, but really we can't say this. We were fairly drawn.

MASTER GUILLAUME. It is hard to believe that we could be that bad!

MASTER WENZEL. Nevertheless it is so. Of course it did not help matters that Vishnevskij got sent off for a dive in the 13th minute, and Bush sent off for brutal play in the 27th minute, and Bower injured when diving for a ball in the 41st minute. Nevertheless these are all our fault. Bower should have been more careful, and Gregor Spidkula is a very fair referee. He is very strict, but nothing can be said against his fairness. Vishnevskij should have known better than to dive at the home stadium.

MASTER GUILLAUME. Tell us about the goals.

MASTER WENZEL. Coocoostan actually scored the first goal in the 60th minute. It was a well directed kick from the penalty zone that made it past Duke. This of course should have shocked our team into action, and it did somewhat. It wasn't enough; we equalized in the 83rd minute on a goal from Giddins, but the player's heart wasn't in the game.

MASTER GUILLAUME. I wonder why?

MASTER WENZEL. It very possibly might have something to do with the Decoction of Beer they ingested the night previously. At any rate, we will have to work much harder in training to alleviate these situations.

MASTER GUILLAUME. What are our prospects now?

MASTER WENZEL. We will be playing several players down, and will probably have to bring Vyborny or even MacNaughton in as forwards. In defense, Rory Elmes will probably replace Vishnevskij for the next game, and Alfie Tullie will sit as a substitute. Our midfield is more or less intact but we may need to play Zakopal or Cameron in a few games. We will next play Turori away, not exactly the best thing to do with a depleted squad. We will have to see about things like this!

MASTER GUILLAUME. Well, God's blessings on you and the team, Wenzel. Thanks for taking the time for us. Up next we have a segment about the Diamond-Plated Chocolate Shirtwaist being exhibited downtown in the Schortislaniscandersburg Museum...

“Greetings, Assegai!” yells Mikaela Eyre. “The scene at Cathedral Park is that of ordered chaos. Assegai fans are so overcome by tonight’s landmark victory over top-ranked Krytenia that they have forgotten all their chants and are just reveling in the streets, waving Assegai Developments flags and just screaming their heads off. All over Assegai Developments, the scene is the same, in cities and towns and all villages in between.”

A group of young women in Assegai tops run behind her and flash the camera before running off again.

“Wo!” yells Mikaela. “This is getting out of hand! In case you’re wondering, the team was escorted out of Cathedral Park and is en route to Random Toast, where they will train for the next week in preparation for next week’s match with the Toast squad.

“Nonetheless, let’s cut to the goals! Assegai was in superb form tonight, and they didn’t waste any time getting on the board,” she says. “Forward Sidney Losstarot got things started, ripping a shot past Krytenia keeper Simon Barradez from about 25 yards out that was totally unexpected. The crowd reacted with a roar that shook every corner of Cathedral Park.

“Krytenia pulled even just after the halfway mark with a goal scored by Krytenia midfielder Leon Kolszyck off a corner kick. But, Cathedral Park was rocking just a couple of minutes later, when forward Samantha Neesa took a pass from midfielder Alys Spicer and beat two Krytenia defenders to slam home the goal.

“The celebration by the Assegai faithful shook the foundations of Cathedral Park. Although there were more tense moments before the end of the game, as the 90th minute drew nearer, the fans became louder and louder, until they erupted in a huge roar with the final whistle. Tens of thousands of fans flooded the field and carried the players around the infield.

“Not only did Assegai just beat the No. 1-ranked team in NationStates, they also took a huge step toward qualifying for the Proper, which can now be seen on the distant horizon, beckoning the Riskbreakers to keep playing harder and harder with every coming game.

“That is all for now. Personally, I’m about to join the celebration. Reporting live from Cathedral Park, this is Mikaela Eyre. Assegai wins again!”

Match Report

(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2
(1) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png Krytenia 1

[AD]
Sidney Losstarot (3’)
Samantha Neesa (51’)

[KRY]
Leon Kolszyck (47’)

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

From the desk of Magda The Forsaken

Uhhhhhhhhh… Yeah… Uhhhhhh… Losing 0-6… not good. Team taking time off to visit Severus Snape’s Snapelicious Pizza in Capri, Elves Security Forces… need rest much of it… you know? Pizza is good. Magda is mad sexy, yo.

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png Wentland 6
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 0

Leon Green was hitting his head against the table... Only 3 lousey points.

The team needed to improve and do so against the 3 remaining matches against teams they still had a chance of beating, Hosting the Schorts was going to be fun, but there was still Altanar and Coocoostan that they needed to face. As well as Kericia. The Atheistic Right team is treading water barely staying alive, calls were coming in from all over the place saying how the Darwinists needed to "Lift their game."

However Leon Green was thinking, perhaps he had a way to legally improve the teams performance and still be able to claim the moral high ground. He had been thinking and there was this supplement that was available. He didn't know what it contained nor much about it apart from that it was improve performance in more areas than one, It was called Thor's Hammer.

Okay, it was a drug, but Moral high ground is a relative thing, as long as they had some religious nutters to make look worse that was fine. And then he had another idea... what if the team performed absolutely shockingly because of Thor's Hammer? He smiled he had an Answer, his job was to help rehabilitate the international image of Atheistic Right particularily after the nuclear testing.

Which reminded him, wasn't there like 5 players that went missing? One thing the old regime was good on was records... He needed to find them.

Diary Entry 10

To where does the wind turn when the whisper calls
How far does the cry travel before it will be heard
Can the silence suffocate the message
Or can the rumblings of rebellion spark the flame?

The spoken word draws attention
While the written can stir the motions
How do we combine the forces harmonically
To bring forth the waiting thunder?

I call to the lost to find your way
Follow the wavering light in the dark
Let the lighthouse of hope beckon your safe passage
And prepare the blades of change.

The time is upon us to strike at the darkness
To sweep through the decaying valley with the raging flood
Throw down the burdens we long have carried
To unmask the treacherous among us
And to begin anew.

We who have seen a better light in the prism
Who know the fortune of following the pleasing rainbow
United in our common goal
Never to be left throwing our darts of hope at the blank board again.

This is the time where we move in triumph like the ocean
To show the wisdom of the owl in our philosophies
Strike the sturdy foundation as the oak
And finally live in light
Born again like the phoenix.

~ David Masteron

The Crimson Blade

A Toast to Random Toast

The evening before the match against Random Toast, the Assegai Developments National Team got together with players from the Toast squad for a dinner and celebration in one of Random Toast’s five-star hotels.

The event, which is the brainchild of Assegai coach Joel Monroy, was named “A Toast to Toast,” and allowed player from both teams, representatives of the YoungWorld region, to spend free time in a stress-free environment.

Players chatted, played card games and mingled all night long. Toasts were the order of the night, as well as gourmet toasted treats, which were available in various shapes, tastes and sizes.

Before the event, though, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga released his roster for the game against Random Toast:

Goaltender
#3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Sir Knight Zúniga gave starting keeper Akihiko Yoshida and defenders Barnard Mallowburne and John Müllenkamp the week off, stating that he wanted to give some of his other players a bit of playing time to keep them in match form.

Back in goal will be veteran Assegai keeper Callo Merlose, who was sharp against Quintessence of Dust. Defenders Romeo Guildenstern and Francis Rowe will also be back in the lineup after having played well earlier.

Upcoming Match

(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/random_toast.png Random Toast

VS
(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

From the desk of Dagor Bragollach:

Gawdon Bennet! Seems things aren’t ge’in’ any be’er fer us. Nonetheless, we’re gon’a keep playin’ wiv da same feroci’y what aaahr great manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad instilled in us. Up next is da squad from Spruitland. We’ll be sure ter make ‘em feel at ‘ome in Turruth Gordur. Here is aaahr roster, as chosen by Draco Glaurung, fer dis match, OK?

GK: Bartholomew Dalison –– TBA

DF: Boldog Gothmog –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
DF: Ash Nazg –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)[/b]
DF: Durbah Tulúk –– TBA
DF: Bruna Garvel –– TBA

MF: Magda the Forsaken –– TBA
MF: Artok Brocas –– TBA
MF: Ivo Compton –– TBA

AF: Gromper Grîpper –– TBA
AF: Draco Glaurung –– Cathedral Spooks D.C. (Assegai Developments) Captain
AF: Dagor Bragollach –– F.C. Capri (Elves Security Forces)

Gawdon Bennet! As yew can see, Draco shuffled da lineup, especially in da backline, where we ‘ave Bartholomew Dalison makin’ ‘is first ever in’ernashunal start at goalie. In fact, wiv da excepshun ov da fron’ line, there are players makin’ their first in’ernashunal starts up an’ down da lineup. Well, even if we don’t win, we’re gon’a batter da uvver team in’er a bloody mess! OK?

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur =VS= Spruitland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spruitland.png

@ Gorgol Harad Memorial Park (“Butcher Park”) – Ered Lithui, Turruth Gordur
Capacity: 51,082

RP Cutoff

pain...

One hotel room to the next.

pulse

"Roger..."

That was him.

He stumbled out into the hallway, where Andrew was ranting. "...got hit in the head with the ball. That was a fluke, as was the fact that the ball proceeded to go away from our goal. Now, he is in pain. This is bad, detrimental to the overall outlook of the team, and not to be emulated. Do you understand me?"

"Um, no," Roger admitted groggily. It wasn't a good start to the day.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Oh."

"I was talking to Mr. Thick-Skulled here-no, that is not meant to be taken literally. Do not use your head to interfere with the flight of the ball, unless you are objectively likely to knock yourself sane."

...perplexion...

Andrew's monologue almost covered for Jacob's silence. Aloof since the previous game, he was not expected to play in the next one, and had no explanation why. Rube's view of the play implied significant provocation on Kliek's part, but that was Rube...

plane

The airport misadventures that had become the norm continued. Still dazed, Roger missed the security checkpoint and almost tripped over a scanner. BOB's memory was scattered going after him. As the techie worked feverishly to repair it, they stumbled towards Ariddia.

people

From the ambassadors in Rêvane to Gnantanamo, Ariddians felt a passion about their players, and it paid off. Xavier Xu, injured in the previous matchup against the peons, had returned and was piercing the limits of his potential, though he hardly had any shots to block.

puzzlement

When he was able to focus, Roger knew which way he was going, but it was hard to make any progress. Jacob came back in for Anne after the fourth Ariddian goal, twenty-six minutes into the second half.

The defense was a laugh. Rube was photogenic with a Santé! product, but he quickly found that Ariddians had more than health food (and the terrorizing ulek) on their side. Pathetic play...

and yet, Phillip, pass...

The time could have gone out by the time Phillip poked the projectile into the net. Roger couldn't tell, but they'd give him the assist. It would have to be enough.

The peons had been pwned.

Dazza:
Hi, it's Dazza Dallas and Wayne Wastle at home in Jeruselem. You should know this THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Match day 11 is done and dusted.

Wayne:
No, Group 1 was not a draw-fest. It was a GOAL-FEST! Just the way Bettians like it, right Dazza?

Dazza:
Yes Wayne, for many teams it was just a great day. For other, they can go home and cry. Collonie decided to visit Jeruselem and take on the 3rd seed at home. Not something for the weak or meek. They sent some kind of team because it was terrible team, just shocking.

Wayne:
You know why? They got hammered TEN ONE! Yes, Jeruselem scored 1 goal per 9 minutes vs the Collonie 1 per 90 minutes. The local fans were happy but what a total trashing. Jeruselem like to attac, but Bettia would shocked by the scoreline too.

Dazza:
I'm not going into the scorers - everyone in the Jeruselem team had a go at scoring. God it was like some training run for strikers. Collonie sent a team, a team of well I don't know, little girls dressed like men?

Wayne:
So Jeruselem win, by a large margin like 9 goals.

Dazza:
Bettia are back! They can score goals but they managed a measly 5 against Bostopia. Bostopia's defense just played crap as Bettia tore them to little pieces. They didn't play as badly as Collonie but heck, they got destroyed.

Wayne:
FIVE NIL to Bettia - the top 2 are looking better and better or a lot Bettia as Dazza would say.

Dazza:
Rest assured if Jeruselem and Bettia keep on going like this, the others need to pray for mercy. 15 goals scored by two teams - excluding the one scored by Collonie.

Wayne:
Lovisa did the impossible - they beat well someone! Marceau State really should be Lovisa but the Frenchies waved the white flag and surrendered TWO NIL to Lovisa. A write-off for Marceau State and Lovisa get some points for once.

Dazza:
Shock of the group but both aren't going make the finals anyway.

Wayne:
Northern Caesarea better get their act together! They drew with New Propagandia 2 ALL. Both needed the win and both didn't get it. Guess who they play next?

Dazza:
New Propagandia are playing to rank while Northern Caesarea are playing below rank. Northern Caesarea were expected to challenge for the 3rd spot but look at them now. Near the bottom and well, if you look the what Jeruselem and Bettia are doing other teams, what hope?

Wayne:
The big game - Kelssek vs the team from Elves Security Forces. What a great game!

Dazza:
Result was FOUR ALL but both teams just attacked from the outset. Oh yes, worth the money as everyone at the game must have got their monies worth. No win for each but you could not say they did not try. Game of the group! Only bettered by Jeruselem trashing Collonie.

wayne:
So what does this mean? Jeruselem and Bettia march on. 3rd spot will be decide on the last game due to many goods teams not giving up.

Dazza: The Lions are back on track! Well, on the way. Long way to go really. They beat Kericia TWO ONE but a few more wins needed still. They are two wins away from 3rd spot in Group 9 so it's going be tough.

Wayne:
One more loss and well, a few nails on the coffin for Nedalia

Dazza:
Oh and the World Cup 31 champ Squornshelous smashed Coocoostan up real bad. Only EIGHT ONE.

Wayne:
Only eight goals.

Dazza:
There's going to be a new TV series on JGN called The New Jeruselem Woman. All about the most powerful women in Jeruselem - hosted by well me! Why me, because JGN are having troubling find female interviewers for this show. They didn't want send to do host this one because it was about well women.

Wayne:
Ricky Pointy Stick would a great job Dazza.

Dazza:
He's busy with his cycling coaching these days. No rest for coaches compared to riders. Rachel Kool was to have hosted but she's now permanently retired and all the other men don't like powerful women. So it' more Dazza on TV.

Wayne:
How are you going interview yourself?

Dazza:
Yeah, I was going be one of the women so a local reporter will ask me the questions. Interviewing one's self doesn't work.

Wayne:
Well, interesting series it will be Dazza.

Dazza:
Rachel Kool is also one of the people too so me and Rachel will be chatting too.

Wayne: That's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE. Jeruselem win TEN ONE at home - 10 of 10 for our team. What a hammering.
Dazza: Sweet dreams

Group 1:
Bostopia [0] Bettia [5]
New Propagandia [2] Northern Caesarea [2]
Marceau State [0] Lovisa [2]
Kelssek [4] Elves Security Forces [4]
Jeruselem [10] Collonie [1]

Group 9:
Kericia [1] Nedalia [2]
Coocoostan [1] Squornshelous [8]

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/themercury.png

Sinclair salvages a critical point

He's not letting his new status as Kelssek's highest-paid footballer go to his head and Ian Sinclair sought to demonstrate why he's worth $6 million as he scored two goals, one of them tying the game on 78 minutes and winning one point in the standings which could be critical for Kelssek's qualification hopes, in a 4-4 draw with Elves Security Forces at the Kirkenes Skydome.

The capacity crowd of over 50,000 witnessed a veritable shootout as both teams tossed defence to the wind and went right at each others' throats (mostly figuratively). Henri Cournoyer and Tony Archer were the other scorers, with Archer's the subject of some controversy over an alleged handball off Kyle Anderson's corner.

Manager Mathieu de Jenken was pleased with the result. "Obviously the ESF are a tough team and their rank in the standings doesn't reflect the quality of the squad they have. They made us earn it today, and they nearly made us lose it."

Meanwhile, Jeruselem stamped dominance on Collonie with a 10-1 victory, and Bettia took down Bostopia 5-0, allowing Kelssek to take 3rd place with a three-point advantage over Bostopia.

"We need to maintain our focus, and we need a lot of mental toughness for the next two games." said de Jenken. Team Kelssek have a tough upcoming schedule; they are away to Bettia and then home to Jeruselem at the Canada Stadium in Neorvins before playing Lovisa.

Kelssek lineup: Zherdek, Gobrynin, Avant, Symonds, L. Dubois, Hartraft (Colwyn 69), Arsenault (Regehr 64), Anderson, Archer, Cournoyer (Crawford 75), Sinclair.

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

T-MINUS 10
Cuation-1 QAZOX-3

The streak is up to 11 in row now without tasting defeat, and now Qazox is only 10 points away from clinching a berth in World Cup 33.

Greg Wolfen's chance at back-to-back shutouts was spoiled in the 1st minute of extra time, but Wolfen has only allowed 1 goal or less in seven of the eleven matches and has a GAA of 1.15 so far, tops in the group. Jonathon Sarfin continues his assult on the Qazoxian record books, as he has become the first 'rookie' to score 12 goals in team history, as he scored in the 33rd minute. He added a second goal in the 61st minute, while Paulina Sardina scored her first goal on a corner kick in the 78th minute to make it 3-nil. Cuation's lone goal came when Wolfen came out a bit too far to challenge the forward, who slipped it through his legs for an easy goal.

Up next for the Black Oxen is a trip to Commerce Heights JSY, whom we beat at home a couple of weeks ago 5-1. Should see a similar result here 4-1 Qazox.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Sarafin (12,13) 33', 61'; Sardina (1), 78'
Cuation: 91'
CARDS: Cuation: None
Qazox: Red: Juan Won One 25'; Yellow: Alene Mcdivitt- 56'

Blown Away

Squornshelous showed their class, albeit in a somewhat un-classy way, against Coocoostanfor their tenth win of qualifying. The Pschychoes put up an incredible eight goals to Coocoostan's one. What's even more amazing is that to other teams reached that level of attacking proficiency. Rejistania powered to an 8-0 victory at home against Philodox Weltscmerz, and Jeruselem massacred Collonie 10-1.

As has been the case in most of their matches, Squornshelous dominated almost every aspect of the match, with the exception of one brief lapse, in which they gave up a goal. As successful as the team has been, co-managers Aalto and Benelli are frustrated by this tendancy, knowing that it may cost them points later on, when they matter more.

Jaromil Ctibor recorded his first career hat trick, bringing his tally to ten goals. Hrolf Roope put his first international goal in, playing up the wing from his right back position. Patrik Hermanni put in two goals, and Arman Latvala scored one. The last goal was scored by Yuri Petchukov. The Coocoostan defense and midfield were completely unable to contain the Pschychoes in any way. They fired shot after shot on net, eventually racking up 15 shots on target out of 24 total. A glance at the scorers chart shows that the Squornshelan tradition of attacking strikers and midfielders with very conservative defenders is being upheld almost to the letter, and what more would one expect with two former players in the tried and true system at the helm.

Final Score:
Coocoostan 1-8 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 10
Hermanni: 7
Latvala: 5
Jalmari: 3
Varg: 3
Korov: 2
Petchukov: 2
Armin: 1
Mortenson: 1
Roope: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 1-0 Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights 1-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous 2-0 Kericia
MD6: Altanar 4-1 Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous 3-0 Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani 2-4 Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous 6-3 Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous 3-1 Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan 1-8 Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

Good evening everybody, this is Master Guillaume on Teleray 16. Tonight we have a special guest on SchorFutbal - everybody please welcome JENGHIS KHAN and his personal advisor YELIU CHU-TSAI!

JENGHIS KHAN. DYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRR!!!!!

MASTER GUILLAUME. As we have just discovered, Jenghis Khan is the biggest fan of the Schor! We saw his famous face in the crowd today in our match against Turori, and we just had to ask him why he was there.

JENGHIS KHAN. Doq^tba'hinkta %(+)tpoh the inllkkesh sh9ppbliidder?~the lingest drop of cling peaches

MASTER GUILLAUME. As Jenghis Khan has just explained to us, he has come to every game that Schorteskatascansolani has played since our first game in the Baptism of Fire. It is a wonder we never noticed him or his venerable adviser Yeliu Chu-Tsai before, considering the poor attendance at some of our earlier matches. Now, Mr. Khan, why do you like Schorteskatascansolani so much?

JENGHIS KHAN. >>QUIZONOS THE PURPLE HEARTEd zmAY is purple!!!1 ppppffft the n77700 l'vivastat oui oink oink>?

MASTER GUILLAUME. Since some of our listeners don't know Mongolian (but I happen to possess a degree in it) I will translate: He is a big fan of us because we -- ehh, I can't translate this, it is rather unedifying -- and the other reason is that we play in a very -- ehh, I can't translate this either because it is very unflattering.

YELIU CHU-TSAI. I rejoice to explain to the general populace of humanity that may be viewing us in the global regions that it has been my splendiferous experience to objurgate the crass play of the unworthy opponents of this glorious country and (if your kind spirit will excuse the rodomontade) your players are qualitatively the most infinitely superiour of any it has been my good grace to observe.

MASTER GUILLAUME. Mr. Chu-Tsai, maybe you can explain for us why we lost to Turori then?

JENGHIS KHAN. TURORI!!!!!!!!!!!! TURORI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bibbble babbble dishyerat'hinktonk the the the

YELIU CHU-TSAI. Jenghis, conceivably is very displeased against Turori. It was all my limited faculties could handle to restrain him from destroying something. Not that I lay any blame upon him; the Turorians are vituperative, medacious, oleaginous, grotesque, chitinous, arabesque, chimerical, phantasmagoric, multitudinous, multifarious, leviathanesque, brobdingnagian, pertinacious, pervicacious, obstreporous, contumacious --

MASTER GUILLAUME. (who has been growing paler with each new adjective) For the benefit of our listeners, there was a highly controversial call by the referee --

JENGHIS KHAN. REFEREE!!! snansa Blood Beer Blood Beer referee blood 6x$#* {}==~tramshipment of varibl

MASTER GUILLAUME. What Mr. Khan is saying is that he is very displeased with the actions of the referee who --

JENGHIS KHAN. REFEREE!!! the the the the (he rants on in Mongolian while the following exchange takes place)

MASTER GUILLAUME. (in whisper) Is there any way that he can be quiet for a little bit while I say what exactly happened?

YELIU CHU-TSAI. Inconceivable, for the ordinary means of consumption render the third derivative of the various and sundry lugubrious epithalamiums to be subjugated to the depreciating eleemosynary lacuna which are inimicable to the duodenum.

MASTER GUILLAUME. thoroughly puzzled Could you --

JENGHIS KHAN. YELIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SWORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MASTER GUILLAUME. The sword?!? I was never told about --

(Yeliu Chu-Tsai draws a gleaming five foot blade and hands it to Jenghis Khan.)

MASTER GUILLAUME. Oh--!

JENGHIS KHAN. SO TO DO TO THE REFEREE!! (he waves the sword and obliterates a potted plant.)

MASTER GUILLAUME. Be caref--

JENGHIS KHAN. SO TO DO TO TURORI!!!!! (he waves the sword madly about, causing the flight of all the camera crew.

MASTER GUILLAUME. Help! Security! The -

JENGHIS KHAN. HYEAHARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Jenghis Khan begins breaking windows with his bare fist and obliterating cameras with his sword.)

YELIU CHU-TSAI. (looking at the one camera remaining) It was necessitate for the relievance of the pseudonumerary coronal texture that the eight hundred and ninty-first cozening of pendulous hustingal remedies containing the procedures of antiquity and the periplous tactical maneuvers of a phalangiarchal format.

MASTER GUILLAUME. (beating a hasty path to the exit) This has been Master Guillaume on Teleray 21, with --

(the microphones go dead)


fzzzzzzzzzzzzzztt.....

ppzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttt.....

*Tweet tweet chirp chirp*

Hello, we are sorry for the disturbance. Teleray 21 will resume normal broadcasting as soon as possible. We recommend that the listener change the channel to Teleray 8, airing the new special The History of Central Asia.

Loss To Rorysville Sets East Lithuania Back A Few

A few days the Black Wolves of East Lithuania was sitting in third place, fighting for a chance to get into the playoff picture. Now, a lose to Rorysville has put them down two spots in Group 7, at this point leaving them completely out of sight of any hope of making the World Cup proper. Recently Coach Discolo and a few player held a press conferance to discuss the state of the East Lithuania team at this time.

Discolo: "Before we start with the questioning, I want to just say for the record that we still have a long road ahead of us, so don't count us out yet. Two of our three losses came to Bazalonia and Milchama, the top teams and we were expected to lose. So, may we start with the questions."

Press: "Yes, um, how do you feel the midfielders are preforming right now, considering they were the key to the set-up?"

Discolo: "They have not stepped up like I have expected, true. Yet they are showing signs of improvement."

Press: "Yes, I have a question for your captain, Yanto. Uh, are the rumors true that you believe that you are carrying this team?"

Yanto: "What? No, I have never said anything like that and I'm not sure who did. Torress had contributed a lot, our defense has held strong, Weaver has kept the ball out of the net a lot. We are a team. Just cause I'm captain doesn't mean I carry anyone."

Press: "Coach, do you think Wagner will ever get a chance to play, or will Weaver do a solo job?"

Discolo: "Wagner will play, when I don't know, but trust me before the series ends he will be out there. Now, we must leave. Thank you all for coming."

East Lithuania's next match will be against Croisland.

The Isangrad Times
SPORTSfeed

Blue Meese
Boyars shutout Aqua Moose

Doesn't it seem that a couple of the greenhorn teams in Group 7 have rather wacky names for nations? The Grand Empire of Magnus Valerius thinks so. With names such as The Great Monty Python and The Aqua Moose, they try to sound and act cool, as if they're destined to do great in this world cup, but the Boyars and the other veteran teams are here to show them who's boss. That was what Magnus Valerius did today, when the Boyars destroyed The Aqua Moose with a 0:3 shutout in an away game. George Illyanich was praised for his coaching so far, which has kept the Valerians at least lingering in the playoff charts and after scoring a win against NMS, a team which is doing terribly this cup around.

The game started off with a rockin' performance by a Valerian thrash metal band (Na Pol, they were called), who was brought on stage as a pre-game Valerian treat to the crowd waiting in the stalls. Karl von Hohenstauffen came out on the turf with a Valerian flag on his shoulders before two female attendants took it away and the game began. The Valerians played no holds barred, and soon stole the ball from the bewildered Aqua Moose players. They seemed to put little resistance at all as von Hohenstauffen marched towards their goal and kicked in a screamer at the 22nd minute. The profound chanting of Valerians in the stands kept morale up, and the Valerians continued to dominate the game.

The Aqua Moose could not counter well to score an equalizer and began trying to pass through the Valerian defense line to no avail. von Hohenstauffen got a hold of the ball again and with Kemerhadi and Vova at his side, he created a three-pronged offensive. Putneyev stayed as the trump card of this offensive maneuver. von Hohenstauffen tricked the AM goalie in making him think that Kemerhadi was going to take the shot, but Karl swept in and took the ball quickly, kicking it between the legs of the goalie before he could react at the 41st minute. It was indeed a spectacular sight.

In the second half, the Valerians kept pressing on the offense. The Aqua Moose goalie was a little wiser after von Hohenstauffen's move, and kept on denying the Valerians another easy goal. The Valerians kept on attacking and taking shots, trying to tire out the goalie before von Hohenstauffen comes in with a shot that flies over the right side of the goalie, making it in for a von Hohenstauffen hat trick (it is his first international hat trick). Karl von Hohenstauffen leaped into the air, almost falling back unto Kemerhadi and Putneyev. The Valerians cheered, shouting "HOHENSTAUFFEN, HOHENSTAUFFEN, HOHENSTAUFFEN!" This shot came at the 76th minute, and the game ended with the Aqua Moose being shutout from any goals. It was indeed a well-played game and will live on in von Hohenstauffen's heart as his first hat-trick, and as the beginning of his international recognition as a football power to be reckoned with.



Final Score

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_aqua_moose.png The Aqua Moose 0 ::3 Magnus Valerius http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png

Scorers

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png
von Hohenstauffen - 3 (22, 41, 76)


The Group 7 Scoreboard

Team W D L PTS GF GA GD
Milchama 8 1 2 25 43 15 28
Bazalonia 8 1 2 25 33 16 17
Tynelia 7 3 1 24 18 12 6
Magnus Valerius 4 4 3 16 19 15 4
Rorysville 4 4 3 16 11 11 0
East Lithuania 3 5 3 14 12 17 -5
NMS 3 2 6 11 13 18 -5
Monty Python 3 1 7 10 14 29 -15
The Aqua Moose 2 3 6 9 16 28 -12
Croisland 0 2 9 2 5 23 -18

Playoff Table


Team W D L PTS GF GA GD
Northern Bettia 7 2 2 23 24 17 7
Sativaville 6 1 4 19 35 23 12
Sel Appa 6 1 4 19 31 23 8
Fort Europe 6 0 5 18 27 12 15
Estresse Intenso5 3 3 18 21 16 5
Spruitland 5 3 3 18 21 16 5
Bostopia 5 3 3 18 16 11 5
TLC 5 2 4 17 29 19 10
Schor 5 2 4 17 16 13 3
QOD 5 2 4 17 21 21 0
Turori 5 2 4 17 18 19 -1
CH JSY 5 1 5 16 26 22 4
Magnus Valerius 4 4 3 16 19 15 4
ESF 4 4 3 16 25 23 2
Rorysville 4 4 3 16 11 11 0
Zwangzug 5 1 5 16 19 21 -2
Cookesland 5 1 5 16 16 27 -11



In other Group 7 news...
New Montreal States sharpened up and gave The Great Monty Python a 0-2 loss on their turf... but that was kinda expected even if NMS is doing bad. Monty Python just sucks more. (EDITOR'S NOTE: The footie team, not the show, dear Valerian readers!)
The Great Monty Python [0] New Montreal States [2]

Tynelia pulls off a nice game and picks up a win on their territory against group leader Milchama.
Tynelia [2] Milchama [1]

East Lithuania's team do their country an injustice by losing to Rorysville 0-2 in their homeland.
East Lithuania [0] Rorysville [2]

Bazalonia takes a good win against Group 7's carpet team Croisland. It is surprising that they couldn't score more than two goals.
Bazalonia [2] Croisland [0]

In other selected coverage,

Errinundera spanked Swilatia in an away game, 2-5.
Swilatia [2] Errinundera [5]

The Holy Empire falters against Schiavonia in a home game, 2-3.
Alasdair I Frosticus [2] Schiavonia [3]

The Archregimancy ties with Northern Bettia in a hard-fought home game.
The Archregimancy [2] Northern Bettia [2]

Jeruselem destroys Collonie, 10-1 in a home game, earning Collonie the title "Suckiest Team This Matchday".
Jeruselem [10] Collonie [1]

“Good evening fans of Assegai Developments football, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Random Toast, where tonight the Riskbreakers of Assegai defeated the local team by the amazing score of 5-4.

“These are two teams that are no strangers to each other, and as you can imagine, it was a crazy, fun-filled contest that was a lot closer than the score reflected. After the final whistle, both teams exchanged handshakes and jerseys at the center circle and posed for photos. Both teams then left the field to a rousing ovation from the supporters.

“If you look at the score, it’s hard to believe that at one point, Assegai was up 5-1, before Random Toast scored three goals in the last 30 minutes of the game, including a fourth goal the 90th minute.

“Assegai forward Severus Snape got this goalfest started in the 4th minute, when he fired a shot off a pass from midfielder Alys Spicer that beat Toast keeper Big Cheese. Toast forward Cheese Junior tied the game in the 12th minute, scoring off a free kick that beat Assegai keeper Callo Merlose high and away. For a few minutes, it seemed Toast would score again, but Assegai took complete control of the midfield and midfielder Duane Grissom faked a pass, took the ball to the edge of the box and fired a low, hard shot that caught Cheese flat-footed in the 17th minute.

“With the score 2-1 in favor of Assegai, the Riskbreakers unleashed three consecutive goals by forward Sidney Losstarot, who scored off passes from midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot, in the 20th minute, Spicer, in the 25th minute, and forward Samantha Neesa, in the 36th minute.

“Up 5-1 at the half, Assegai eased up in the second half, and Toast began chipping at the large lead, with goals from forward Cheese Junior in the 59th minute, midfielder Peter Salmons in the 72nd minute, and defender Spontaneous Violence, in the 90th minute, off a corner kick.

“What a crazy game,” says Mikaela as she is joined by Assegai keeper Callo Merlose. “Callo, you let in four goals. That doesn’t happen very often. What happened?”

Callo nods and smiles tight-lipped. “Well…they scored some good goals, Mikaela,” she says. “Don’t forget that this is the same team that rocked the world of NationStates football when they beat No. 1 Krytenia 3-1 in the first game of qualifying. Since we’re both from the same region, we know Toast is very tough, methodical team that never says die.”

“It almost seemed you guys let them back in the game,” says Mikaela.

“Oh, come off it, Mikaela,” says Callo with a slight frown. “You have to give Random Toast some credit. They’re not a bad team. I see a bright future ahead for them in NationStates football.”

“Well…okay, Callo. Thanks for stopping by,” says Mikaela.

“Nah, girl, thank you,” responds Callo hugging her. “You’re doing a great job with the coverage. Keep it up, girl. Hopefully, we can get you some NationStates World Cup credentials by the end of qualifying.”

Mikaela laughs. “Oh that’d be awesome, but keep it chill. Don’t want to get ahead of yourselves now.” She turns back to the camera. “Well, there’s a huge, huge party in a local pub right now. Players from both teams are there with supporters, and the party has spilled out in the nearby streets. It’s a carnival atmosphere here.

“In other The YoungWorld regional action, Elves Security Forces’s chances at advancing to the Proper took a hit when they only managed a 4-4 draw with Kelssek. However, Fort Europe defeated Druida 2-0, strengthening their opportunities, while unranked Turruth Gordur upset No. 24 Spruitland 3-2 in Group 6.

“We’re signing off now. This is Mikaela Eyre wishing you a good night from Random Toast. Assegai wins again!”

Match Summary

(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/random_toast.png Random Toast 4
(57) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 5

[RT]
Cheese Junior (12’, 59’)
Peter Salmons (72’)
Spontaneous Violence (90’)

[AD]
Severus Snape (4’)
Duane Grissom (17’)
Sidney Losstarot (20’, 25’, 36’)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v465/mriggs17/CoocoostanskySport.jpg

One step forward, two steps back, as Ibix lose hard in Ulgava

ULGAVA- Intel Stadium was the site of the 11th match of the Ibix's bid to qualify for the 33rd World cup and as the 8-1 scoreline for the visitors as evidence, it did not go well. The scoreline was already 4-0 for the visitors when Frankie Obispo put in his second of the tournament. He was shocked and visibly angry when his well thought-out celebration and posturing was met with mock cheers from the crowd. Still, Squornshelous ran up the score, leading to a few rough tackles and some pushing and shoving. Still, with Altanar, Atheistic Right and Nedalia the next three matches, things could rebound nicely, as now the Ibix have been shown that their effort and skills need considerable work.

Next Home Match: MD12 V. Nedalia, Mondo Burger Stadium, Starlight City

Also in other news, scouts from Cafundeu have been soliciting both Vladimir Zyuzin of Anadahl United and one other unnamed player.

NINDYN VEL'USS KUUV ULU WUSSRUN'WA...
THOSE WHO DARE TO DREAM...

Druida - 0 - V - 2 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/001411.jpg
"Guess what I did to you sister last night Tim..."

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Somewhere out beyond our own lands the Fort Europe national football team today fought against the minnows of Druida, a team they beat at home by five goals to nil earlier in the tournament, and anticipation of another easy win was high and Fort Europe didn't disappoint. Four times the ball landed in the back of the net, the first after just six minutes was unfortunately judged to have been marginally off side. The second however counted, Karl Isaak running through on goal with a wonderful individual effort that finished with the desired result for which he pealed away for his trademark dance with a random corner flag.

The second half was almost an exact duplicate of the first, fifty three minutes in Michelle Bishop's direct free kick found the net, but Gemma Lloyd was judged to have impeded the keeper and the goal was revoked. Then as the game drew to a close, Michelle broke free leaving the defense standing, took the ball round the keeper and buried the ball in the back of the open net. Fort Europe take all three points and move satisfyingly up to forth in group three, just three points behind Demot in third who drew with the Lowland Clans this morning. Fort Europe will now host tough opposition in their next match as the Holy Empire come to town with those wonderful red, yellow and black kit's that the players seem to dislike so much. Elsewhere the random lucklessness of Random Toast continued as the lost by five goals to four against rivals Assegai Developments.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

8 - James West
8 – Murphy Lee
8 – Tim Forrester (C)
7 – Floe Peltsten
6 - Gemma Lloyd []
7 - Katherine Keller
8 – Andy Fletcher
9 – Ryan Holmes
7 - Vicky Princess
9 - Michelle Bishop (85)
10 - Karl Isaak (36)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Mike Young
8 - Aki Haddon (On for Peltsten (45))
- - Edowine Sanjuan
7 - Josephine Blanchard (On for Isaak (75))


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/000014.jpg
Fort Europe players focus on the match ahead

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/000221.jpg
Fletcher confused over off side decision

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/231133.jpg
Isaak poses with his new corner flag

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 6-1 Zwangzug http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png

“Well, that’s a little better”

A 6-1 home victory over Zwangzug may prove to be the boost the Rouge-et-Noirs needed to regain confidence in themselves, and has pushed them back up to the top of Group 2.

The Ariddian team surprised even their own supporters by thrashing their guests, as al Safi (twice), Komu, Argentier, Dargeau and even defender Ke Sho all scored before Phillip Stings slipped a first and only goal into the net for Zwangzug. Not willing to let their opponents go home with bitter memories – especially after Andrew Card had been knocked groggy by the ball hitting him in the head – the Rouge-et-Noirs invited their counterparts out for a bit of fun in-town before they left Ariddia.

Supporters, meanwhile, had enjoyed the somewhat unexpected performance. Channel Three News spoke to some in a pub in Rêvane.

“They’ve woken up at last!” Cédric, 26, said. “I was starting to get worried. But that was incredible!”

“I never doubted our Rouge-et-Noirs,” Annabelle, 17, states firmly. “They’re the Champions, and they’ll be the Champions again! One or two little slip-ups mean nothing. As they proved today.”

“Let’s see how far they can go this time,” Ej, 46, said, more cautiously. Before adding: “But I have full confidence in them.”

“My husband is half-Zwangzugian,” Laetitia, 39, says. “So he wouldn’t have minded if Zwangzug won. . . the traitor!” They both laugh. “Matches like this, when we can sort of support both sides, are always interesting.”

Among a group of youths, Miguel, 21, had only one criticism to express.
“We don’t see Cassie Lee often enough. She’s only played once!” Having had quite a bit to drink during and after the match, he added: “Cassie, we all love you! Will you marry me?”

The Rouge-et-Noirs themselves will need to remain sober and focused. The qualifying stages are far from over.

On the field of play, Tessan leads 2-1 and is pushing the pace down the field. Black Knight #2 has Black Knight #3 and Miller Wallace on either side in the break. Black Knight #2 fires a high lead pass towards black knight #2 and the net. The keeper comes out but its by him and heading out of bounds. Suddenly Black Knight #3 dives head first towards the ball and deflects it into the net for a goal! However Black Knight #3 unable to control his path slams into the goal post and crumples to the ground.

In the royal Box King John IV and his sons look on, the king applauding the goal while the Crown Prince John suddenly leaves the royal box and Prince Jeffery seems concerned. Medics come onto the field to check on Black Knight #3 who is semi-conscious on the field. The royal healer carefully removes Black Knight #3’s mask to check for a head injury when suddenly he gasps in shock and steps back looking back towards the royal box fearfully.

“THE PRINCESS!” the healer yelled out in shock as laying before him with blood trickling from the top of her head was the 18 year old Princess Donna, favorite child of the His Majesty her slender figure disguised by the heavy woolen uniform and the mask under which she kept her long brown hair balled up and hidden. Fortunately the hair did seem to cushion the blow somewhat as the Princess remained conscious.

However the healer’s shout stirred up the crowd as word spread like wildfire through the stands. The Princess had said for years that she would play on the national team one day despite her father forbidding any woman to step onto the field as unsuitable behavior for a proper Tessan lady. Yet here she was and arguably after Miller Wallace she had in fact been the best player on the team.

Then just as Prince John arrived a thunderous roar could be heard from the royal box “PRINCESS DONNA!!?! OUT THERE!!!! GUARDS!!!!!!!” the king boomed pointing to the field as his face turned a deep shade of purple. In the box Prince Jeffery seemed concerned as shock and rage warred on the king’s face. “My baby, my precious little baby, out there consorting with those ruffians on the field. My little angel, how could she. It was for her safety I knew this would happen.” The king muttered silently. “How could she betray me like this and expose herself to the unwashed masses like this?” Suddenly the king clutched at his head and collapsed himself.

Servants and healers rushed to the box as the Princess was carried off the field escorted by a ring of royal guardsmen unaware of the latest development in the royal box. The match continued with a Tessan victory but this time the win came with a price.

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right listeners its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth tellin’ it like it is once again. A sign of the apocalypse has taken place today as Tynelia beat Milchama who are supposed to be good if you can believe that. Turn to WSOC and hear about how Jakes scored a pair for the win. But even more unthinkably, the team may not actually choke this time. Unreal, and we were so close to getting rid of soccer for good but all the bandwagonners will be back declaring their lifelong support for the alleged sport. Watch you all know its true you fair weather wannabe fans. Pick a real sport to get worried about will ya?

“But now for the good news, the people want to hear the Truth. That’s right its official. The last polls have me at 15% and according to Tynelian election laws that means I’m automatically allowed to participate in the televised debates with Sallas and Mallack because I’m over the 10% mark in the polls. Because of people like you my listeners keeping the faith these two are going to have to do the last thing they wanted to do this election. That’s listen to the Truth and who’s better to tell it than Mike McPhee? Sallas tried to block it and raise the bar to 15% but sorry Mr. veep, I’d still be in even if your notion wasn;’t shot down by the election committee. They want to hear the truth too.

“ Now what are my plans for the debate, well I have to say I knew my supporters wouldn’t let me down so I started planning a couple weeks ago before this became official because I had faith in my fellow Tynelians to keep me in the picture. Let’s just say Mallack and Sallas have so many contradictions and holes in their records over their years in government that I’m going to drive a bus right through each and every one of them. Like the old saying goes, the truth shall set you free and I’ll be there to free the viewers from their misconceptions and expose the others for the hypocrites that they are.

“Once they see how twisted the other candidates are then they will flock to my message of making Tynelia a better place for Tynelians, cutting useless activities and reinvesting in ourselves for a better Tynelia and putting the breaks on the rampart profitless free trade that is hurting our economy. Tynelia need to be true to itself first and foremost and that’s what I have in store if elected, a message these others refuse to accept. Now I hate to cut this short today but there’s a press conference for me shortly and I need to tell these journalists how glad I am that the Truth will be out there for all Tynelia to hear. And as always you can still visit Voiceoftruth.com and email me your thoughts and comments about the show or my campaign. Our paybuddy site is still open for contributions and we’ve reached over 300,000 vinlis on that site alone since it openned. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”

CBC International News

Hello and welcome to CBC News, I'm Milchama Banks and you're not. Today was a wondrous day in Cookesland where the Blue. Owls finally have broken out of their funk. The Owls were up against the Harlesburg team today and flattened them. Both scores were done by Colin Short. Come out and support the team as they face Schiavonia in an away game next.






Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home - Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away- Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home- Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away - Win 0-2
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home - Loss 0-6
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home - Loss 4-0
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away - Loss 7-0
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away - Loss 3-0
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home - Loss 2-3
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home -Win 2-1
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
The beginning of the end for Quodite qualification

With their first double-victory fresh in mind, Quintessence of Dust travelled to Krytenia today, and left with their first double-defeat stinging their memories. Goals from Samuel Duffy and Jermaine Orange - and a significant lack of response - saw the Aces acquire an easy three points, while Quodite progress, that had earlier burned across the sky of Group 4, continued to shudderingly stall.

Losing means the gap between the now presumptive qualifiers and fourth place opens up even more chasmically, while no one's regarding their position in the play-off standings orgasmically, and indeed on realizing that for the first time they are directly out of contention for qualification one's tempted to react spasmically: they would need an unlikely set of results to grasp their way back in, which really exists only phantasmically.

Coach Dixon insisted they were remaining "realistic, but not pessimistic", but the thought that a similar rhyming pattern might develop this paragraph prohibits us from quoting him more extensively. Instead, I shall drone on and on, because I'm quite narcissistic. Oh bollocks.

Today's performance was hampered by the absence of two regular starters, Furman and Rogers, both suspended. Benny Chang was not accomplished in goal, though he made no especially glaring errors, and the two goals were in truth not his fault, but the defence did seem to lack coordination without Furman's good-natured assertiveness.

Frederic Renard played well in central midfield, but he is best on the right where his crossing can be utilised. Playing in the centre demanded too much of him while not using his talents to the full; odd, then, that that's where he prefers to play his club football. In any case, however well he coped, it was not enough to make up for the loss of the stylish playmaker, and the attack visibly struggled to create opportunities, frequently resorting to long balls and hopeless crosses.

Fortunately, there were no bookings, although Dino Achten certainly never shied from the tackle. That means a full-strength side will meet Lethislavania, although of course captain Theo Littlefellow remains lost in the ether of injury, with no timeline for his return yet announced. Coming encounters will include previous conquerors Qazox and Assegai Developments.

In the jungle

Matches in Errinundera are always something special: 50 suspected hooligans were not allowed to travel to the game. Piles of equipment for 'torching' were confiscated at the rejistani customs. Endele JSK sold record quantities of bug-spray.

The match took place in a stadium which seemed to be in the middle of a forest, at least it seemed like that for Rejistanis who do not [size=1]have the misfortune to[/font] live in the capital. The national team was told not to comment on anything they considered backwards in order not to heat up the rivalry even more. The ASR used a very effective method to ensure this: If anyone disobeyed the discipline, his ration of alcohol would be poured into the toilet. This worked for some strange reason and the rejistani national team did not make itself unpopular by defeating the Errinunderans by a sound 3:1. When Rosaniel scored in the 15th minute, the Errinunderans started celebrating, but only 3 minutes later, Ka~nsu Kansu caused the Errinunderans to fall silent when his free kick sailed past Evolu. Heje Kija in the 36th minute increased the score when the errinunderan defense failed to predict his action. From then on, the Orange-Blues played more defensively, but not Karelan, of course. Aia Kansu rescued the honor of the forwards when he casued Evolu once again to reach behind himself.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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TENSION BETWEEN STAFF AND MEDIA INCREASES AFTER LOSS AT HOME IN A POOR PERFORMANCE

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/8574/4507413461gacafsj2.jpg
The supporters complained after another loss at home

Cafundéu continues in the qualification zone, but sure it’ll be much difficult to keep this position after this bad game. The team didn’t play well in front of its supporters in Lasft and suffered a goal that costed the game. After the game, the coach was clearly nervous and discussed with the media. The team lost two games at home, but is still undefeated in away games.

The next game will be at home, against Algal States, so the supporters expect a win, as a loss can result in the loss of the third position, which would seriously endanger the qualification. The team has no major problems for the next game, maybe only the pressure of the supporters and of the media for good results. Another thing that worries the supporters is the fact that Estresse Intenso is in the playoff zone. They are the main rivals of Cafundéu.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game passing the ball and having some good attacks, while Fmjphoenix was studying the opponent. The first chances were for the home team. In the first, Kliek found Ganz Ijak in a good position and passed the ball to him. The attacker dribbled an opponent and shot, but the goalkeeper made a good save. Minutes after, Priotto received the ball from Anormal and shot from outside the area. The ball went over the bar.

After the first minutes of pressure, Cafundéu started to lose the dominance, Fmjphoenix created some intelligent plays, and caught the home team defense unprotected. In the first chances, an attacker dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot. Vargas saved. In another opportunity, the attacker did the same thing, but this time the ball went wide.

Cafundéu tried to reply with Heitor, who headed the ball after Kirs crossed it from the left side of the field. But his heading was poor and the goalkeeper saved. Then, Fmjphoenix scored. The same attacker of the early opportunities was able to dribble Sávio again and shot. Vargas saved, but another attacker reached the ball before Becão and Vargas and hit it to score the goal. The defense was considered the main responsible for the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Long pass to the attacker of Fmjphoenix. He drrrrribbles Sávio, shoots! VARGAS! The rrrrrebound goes to another attacker... it’s a goal! Goal for Fmjphoenix! After a huge mistake of Sávio Ferrrrrrrrrrarrrrri! Fmjphoenix one, Cafundéu zero!”

One minute after suffering the goal, Cafundéu attacked in numbers, trying to score. Ganz Ijak received the ball and shot, but it hit the post. Then, Fmjphoenix started a fast counterattack. A midfielder received the ball, with only the keeper to beat, and tried to shot, but Vargas tackled him. After that, Cafundéu couldn’t attack with the same strength, fearing a counterattack which would cost another goal.

The first half was ending, and the visitors were with more ball possession, attacking with danger and stopping easily the monopolists’ attacks. Their team was a bit better, but Cafundéu was playing at home, so it wasn’t a good result. In the last minutes, Cafundéu tried to score with Brahma, who shot. A defender blocked him and the ball remained with Kliek, who lost the ball. Fmjphoenix replied in a corner, when a defender headed, but sent the ball over the bar. The first half ended.

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/2046/4560206082gacafvw9.jpg
Cafundéu had some chances, but missed them

Braddock tried to fix the team, putting Metir in Priotto’s place, giving a more offensive style to the team. In the first minute, it looked like the change was good for the team, as Metir passed the ball to Heitor in front of the goal, but the attacker sent it over the bar. But, after the first minutes, Cafundéu started to lost ball possession in the midfield, because of the ultra offensive style of play.

Braddock tried to hold the situation for some minutes, to see if the team would score with the more offensive formation. But the team that attacked more was Fmjphoenix. In one play, Vandick was humiliated by an attacker, who easily dribbled him. The attacked made a low cross to the area, and a midfielder hit the ball. Vargas could just look to the ball hitting the bar and going wide. Cafundéu replied with Anormal, who shot from outside the area, but the goalkeeper made a great save.

The coach of Cafundéu understood that his change wasn’t so good, and returned to the original formation putting Manuel Padaria in Brahma’s place. The supporters and the media complained about this decision. But the team improved a bit after the change, mainly because it recovered some of the ball possession in the midfield, and could create more. Metir received the ball from Kliek and shot. The ball hit a defender and Ganz Ijak didn’t reach the rebound.

After the middle of the second half, Fmjphoenix’s strategy was still working well, and they continued having good chances to score. Their defense continued well-prepared. They had one good chance with a winger, who received the ball and headed to the goal. Vargas saved the ball inside the goal, and shot it to the attack. The referee and the linesman didn’t notice that it was a goal, and thought that the ball didn’t pass the line. Fmjphoenix’s players complained.

Cafundéu tried to score too, and even scored in the fortieth minute. Heitor received the ball and shot. The goalkeeper gave the rebound and Heren Ijak scored. But Heren was in an offside position, and the referee did the right thing disallowing the goal. Braddock invaded the field to complain and received a warning from the referee. Cão invaded the field too and was sent off. The game ended with a negative result and many critics started to appear to the coach and its players.

The media started to find the guilty ones. The first one was the defender Sávio Ferrari, who made a mistake in the play of Fmjphoenix’s first goal. He tried to explain: “The attacker was very fast and I wasn’t able to tackle him. It wasn’t a mistake, but I know that we lost because of that. I’m sorry.” Anormal commented about his poor performance too: “It wasn’t a good game for all of us, and they played well. We need to respect them and understand that they deserved the three points.”

Ganz Ijak was frustrated and didn’t want to comment: “Sorry, no comments”, he said. The coach received many critics from the media because of the bad substitutions and became furious: “Look, I made bad changes, but when we win, you never say that I did good changes. Now that we lost, you try to find the responsible ones, and I’m criticized everytime. I’m tired of it. You just want to go after us in the bad times, never in the good ones. You just want to destroy our careers. I respect your work, but if you all of the press and media continue with this attitude, I won’t say nothing more. We lost, we all are responsible. End of the story. Now let me go!”

Nobody knows if Braddock’s relationship with the media and with the fans(who criticized him too, as the team plays better away than at home) will continue complicated.

http://img301.imageshack.us/img301/4779/4507425653gacafoa1.jpg
Cafundéu suffered to invade the opponent’s area

CAFUNDÉU 0x1 FMJPHOENIX

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 100,000 people.
Referee: James Hundley (Legalese).
MOTM: The offensive midfielder (Fmjphoenix).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Heren Ijak 80’), Becão, Sávio Ferrari and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto (Metir 45’), Brahma(Manuel Padaria 60’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fmjphoenix.png FMJPHOENIX: no team released.

Goals:FMJ: An attacker 21’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Algal States: Vargas, Vandick, Becão and Kirs; Anormal, Priotto, Metir and Kliek; Heitor, Renário and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Dário Moura (Northern Caesarea).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 11 games:

8- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
4- Renário
3- Anormal
2- R. Kliek and H. Ijak
1- J. Kimball, J. Priotto, R. Kirs and Becão

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.42

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Montgomery Adder, Lieutenant Pigeon, Mr E Jeffries, Mr M Innem, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were agreed.

The Financial Officer reported that there was a profit of one guinea from the previous activities. The extra sum was due to the return of a bottle of Tizer found at the Kenneth Kendall Stadium and the reclamation of the deposit.

The Chairman presented the Gleaner's book on Great Wents and the surprise gift of a gilt shilling commemorating the women's World Cup victory. The book itself appeared to be a marvel of technology as the Chairman pointed out it had a hard-bound front cover, double-stitch binding and was presented in Palatino with Helvetica headlines. NH asked if he was in there. Following a check of the index IT WAS DISCOVERED that he was not.

The Chairman reported on the progress in the prize draw. A number of tickets bedecked with embossed digits had been returned and the Gleaner had stated that the FA had proceeded into the second round. NH remarked that it was not just the FA progressing but no-one understood what he meant.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland defeated Delesa by two goals to one. His Grace said that he thought Wentland had already played Delesa a number of times. NH confirmed that they had played precisely once. The Shade suggested that His Grace was confusing things with Shortcakesland, but NH said that (a) Wentland had not played them and (b) no such country existed. NH said that there may be confusion with Cesibia. His Grace said he was just confused generally and IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that His Grace was confused.

There being no other business the meeting was declared closed.

BE CALM TELEVISION: COMMENTS ABOUT THE LAST TWO GAMES
Commentated by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Verônica Branus
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

DR. SAMPAIO: “Here is the Be Calm Television Sport Program! Today we’ll talk again about two more games of our National Team, against San Monticaz and Yafor two. We got more three points and are in the playoff zone. Another good news is that our rivals lost, and can soon fall to the playoff zone too. And, to talk about our games in this qualifiers, my partner, Doctor Verônica Branus!”

DR. BRANUS: “Thanks. We had two average games, one which we were the favourites and the other which our opponents were the favourites. And the predictable happened, as we won three points, defeating the weaker team. Also, in the first time in the qualifiers, a player of our team had to left the game due to mental problems. It happened twice in the game against Yafor two.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Yes, but first we need to talk about the game against San Monticaz. We could just score in the second half, after our coach made many changes in the team. The scorers were Dos Alpes, Ponte Pênsil and Bogdan. A good victory, and necessary for us, as we must defeat the weaker teams if we want to finish the group in a respectable position.”

DR. ZEMEK: “More than correct, Santiago. We had a horrible first half, when we couldn’t score. But in the second half, we were great. Four goals and a good performance of our midfielders, who are very important for the team. Gabalán wasn’t fine, maybe it’s because he’ll leave the Institute soon to play abroad. Summarizing, a good and deserving victory thanks to our midfielders. The coach commented”:

“We got prepared for this game to win, and we could get our objective, so it’s good. I had to make some changes after the first half, trying to attack more. Hopefully, these changes were sucessful. More three points for Estresse Intenso! I’m anxious to return to the Landau Institute to play in front of our supporters again, I know that they’ll help us.”

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/4170/engxitagf5.jpg
San Monticaz's goalkeeper frustrated with the result

SAN MONTICAZ 0x4 ESTRESSE INTENSO

Place: unknown place, in San Monticaz.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Michael Lascaro (Alasadair I Frosticus).
MOTM: Vândison Dos Alpes (E.I.)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/san_monticaz.png SAN MONTICAZ: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré (César Nobre 45’), Godói, Manga and Bergue (Ponte Pênsil 45’); Sardinha, Dumitrache (Marinho 73’), Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

Goals:EIT: Dos Alpes 51’/91’ , Ponte Pênsil 57’ , Bogdan 58’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DR. SAMPAIO: “Now we’ll talk about the loss in the game against Yafor two. It wasn’t a awful game for our team, but it wasn’t good. Of course the opponent was stronger, but the team didn’t performed well even in front of its supporters, nearly all the Landau Institute patients. The result could be even better for Yafor two, but our goalkeeper, Prunella, saved the team many times.”

DR. BRANUS: “Yes, and in this game two players of our team had to be substituted due to mental problems. Dumitrache started to see unreal things and tried to catch a ghost during the game, and had to leave the game. After that, Sardinha started to shout without reason and acted like a caveman, and had to left the game too. Overall, not a good game for us, and the result couldn’t be other. See the coach’s comments”:

“We didn’t perform well, and we lost in front of our supporters. It was deserved, and we can’t complain. So let’s think about our next games and hope for a playoff spot.”

http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/8835/scoxsweeikn8.jpg
Pindaré is fouled by Velastros

ESTRESSE INTENSO 0x2 YAFOR 2

Place: Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 167,249,239 people (nearly all Landau Institute patients) – using a special room.
Referee: Keyla Hauss (Ariddia).
MOTM: Klienta (Yafor 2).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Flores; Sardinha (Eriksson 62’), Dumitrache (Monteiro 60’), Dos Alpes and Bogdan; Ponte Pênsil (Mendes 65’) and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png YAFOR 2: Julie, Nivor, Dalermo, N’ver and Riegan (Federof 32’); Nuverlu, Klienta, Fraten and Juhan; Velastros (Listhis 81’) and Oblakale.
Coach: Lisa Simpson.

Goals:YAF: Klienta 10’ , Oblakale 69’.

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EIT – next game’s formation: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói, Manga and Flores; Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Nathan Mastroyani (Demot).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 11 games:

11- C. Gabalán
4- V. Dos Alpes
3- Bogdan
2- F. Ponte Pênsil
1- A. Dumitrache

Haxada no nore, Karela no more

Well, what can I say? I am writing despite being drunk and I guess no one is reading this anyways. The Orange-Blues have done it! The Orange-Blues have defeated Philodox Weltscmerz 8:0. The match in the Estadije Sen-La-Sa~owas a simple merciless jisu of the opponent. Maybe Goalie Heke I Liju illustrated that best by scoring herself from a penalty kick. I would add a detailled description,. but since this article is surely only for the archives, why?

Penguin Sales Booming

Sales of Casari Fried Penguin, a new restaurant in Kingsbury serving deep fried portions of penguin, have seen sales go through the roof recently.

The company only opened their first shop three weeks ago in the city centre, yet sales have been so high that there is already talk of expanding the business.

"Penguin is definately proving popular here in Schiavonia," said spokesman Winston Riley, "If we carry on at this rate, we could have a CFP in every major city in Schiavonia within the next year!"

The first one finding out about this was the Gentoowatchblog. Other blogs spread the news quickly and swiftly. The Gentoowatchblog was slashdotted for almost one entire week. The HURDists were angry. Penguins are the national animal of the HURD and the love for the penguins goes so far that many HURDists kill more cats, dogs and rats than required by law. The crackers, crashers and skriptkiddies of the HURD declared war on Casari Fried Penguin. It's site was hacked and DDoSed at once. Mapsites were hacked and all CFP 'restaurants' removed. The Casari government sites came under heavy DDoS. HURDist hackers sent mails containing nagware and disinformation and made it appear they were sent by CFP. The HURDists might lack a currency, a government (they are a wikiocracy) but they did not lack determination to stop this cruelty.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MASS DEPORTATIONS MAR DRAW
Six Visiting Fans Watch Match

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In one of the most bizarre events in the history of Ordinary Reality visits to the Dreamed Realm, thousands of Northern Bettian fans were deported for various hooligan- and graffiti-related offences overnight, leaving fully six visiting fans to watch the match after the Monastic Football Association had welcomed the 'law-abiding minority' of Fire Ants supporters to the Archregimancy.

With so many of the home fans staying away due to Great Lent, the match was played out in a virtually empty Dreamed Stadium, with only a few monastic security officials and secular workers from the Archregimand's personal staff joining the six visiting fans.

The ghostly atmosphere clearly impacted the home team, with the previously-rampant Archregimancy squad failing to put away their more humble opponents, who twice came from behind to eventually claw their way to a 2-2 draw.

The Northern Bettia tactics were quite novel given the team's fearsome reputation. Perhaps influenced by what had happened to their visiting support, the Fire Ants attempted to not cheat, and - it must be said - were largely successful. This rather curious - for Northern Bettia - attempt to play hard but fair revealed, to the dismay of many, that the Fire Ants are in fact a rather handy and hard to break down side when they do attempt to play football rather than hack their opponents down or writhe in mock agony whenever an opponent so much as breathes on them.

[ooc - dammit, second time this world cup I've posted with the wrong nation - must remember to log out. Please count as an AIF RP, of course]

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HOLY EMPIRE IN SCHIAVONIA LOSS
Match Watched by Fried Penguins

By Anna Comneno

Throughout this World Cup, Imperial oneirologists have been largely successful in minimising the impact of thousands of visiting insiders on the fabric of Imperial reality.

Last night was a spectacular exception.

For reasons that remain obscure, the crucial top of the qualifying table clash between the Holy Empire and Schiavonia was watched by 100,000 fried birds, later revealed to be Casaran penguins. To further confuse matters, the flightless fried fowl would regularly beseech the 22 players to feast upon their moist, tasty flesh.

Holy Empire Football Association officials refused to comment on the incident, though anonymous sources close to HEFA have firmly placed the blame on certain recent unspecified events in the visiting nation. HEFA were also quick to point out that all home and visiting fans temporarily transformed into fried penguin were unharmed, with no legs or breasts accidentally eaten by either officials or team members.

The match ended in a 3-2 victory for Schiavonia.

RP Cutoff

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

T-MINUS 4
Commerce Heights JSY-0 QAZOX-1

The unbeaten streak is up to 12 in row, the winning streak is at 9, and now Qazox is only 4 points away from clinching a berth in World Cup 33, after Lethislavania's upset win over Quintessence of Dust.

Greg Wolfen's tied Reggie Hassok's record with his 4th shut-out, but Qazox struggled all matchlong to score until Kyle Horton scored late in the match to seal the 1-0 victory. Both sides played sloppy and each side was whistled for 11 fouls, but the Qazoxian defense held firm and Wolfen stopped all 6 shot he faced. Jonathon Sarafin was held without a goal, and was kept in check for most of the match by the supurb play of Hwaŋ Hyūn-na and Davido Matesanso.

Up next for the Black Oxen is a home match against Vilita, which may be a trap game despite the 3-3 draw at Vilita earlier in qualifing. A match at Assegai Developments, who are currently in 2nd place only 2 points behind Qazox, follows this crucial home match. Qazox' win streak comes to an end, but the unbeaten streak continues with a 2-2 draw.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Horton (8)- 83'
Commerce Heights JSY: none
CARDS: Cuation: None
Qazox: yellow: Dara Dreisbach 52', Ryan Holmes 63'

Match report, filed by Master Wenzel.

SCH 5-3 ALT

Minute the 01: Some random trout from Altanar scores.

Minute the 05: Darius Gilmore scores on an assist from Billy-Bob Elliot.

Minute the 09: Phil Stott scores on an assist from Radek Vyborny.

Minute the 11: Goalkeeper Duke receives a yellow card for diving.

Minute the 12: A shot from Darius Gilmore goes over.

Minute the 15: A shot from Jalen Giddins hits the left post.

Minute the 17: Some random trout from Altanar tries a shot, but it is caught by Goalkeeper Duke.

Minute the 20: Edward Platt shoots a direct free-kick.

Minute the 26: Some random trout from Altanar shoots a direct free-kick.

Minute the 38: Some random trout from Altanar punctures the ball. Game is delayed for a two minute period.

Minute the 45+: Marcus Alexander tries a shot, but it is saved by the Altanar goalkeeper.

==HALFTIME==

Minute the 50: A random trout from Altanar is given a yellow card.

Minute the 51: This same random trout is sent off for arguing.

Minute the 55: Another random trout from Altanar scores a header.

Minute the 66: Eight hundred and twelve fans from Altanar spontaneously develop thundering apoplexy as Edward Platt scores a goal from halfway, on an assist from Jalen Giddins.

Minute the 70: The celebrations being over, play resumes.

Minute the 79: Darius Gilmore tries a shot, but it hits the crossbar.

Minute the 81: Altanar is awarded a penalty, but the penalty taker hits the ball with so little force that it stops two feet short of the goal line.

Minute the 85: Edward Platt takes a freekick, passes to Radek Vyborny who strikes it with a half-volley and scores.

Minute the 89: A shot from Evstathios Nioplias is caught by the goalkeeper.

Minute the 96: End of game. SCH 5-3 ALT

==FULL TIME==

Wayne: This is Wayne Wastle, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Jeruselem's most popular TV show, and this is Dazza Dallas who's not very happy today.
Dazza: Yes, this is Dazza Dallas - and not happy.

Wayne: You'd better tell the viewers Dazza. Get the problem, well of the chest as they say.
Dazza: My luggage is gone missing! I'm wearing borrowed clothes.

Wayne: So what do you own at the moment?
Dazza: A laptop, a phone phone and one set of clothes. That's it. I'm borrowing clothes from my friends in the team.

Wayne: Err, so no wardrobe?
Dazza: No, 5000 dollars of my wardrobe gone. All my best clothes, gone! Somehow, between Jeruselem and Northern Caesarea - by bags went missing. I called everyone who could track it down and no one knows! Dazza's not a happy camper.

Wayne: Well, strange no one else lost luggage.
Dazza: Yeah, I think some scum stole my stuff. The customs people in Jeruselem say my stuff left Jeruselem - so I don't know. My bags are microchipped so they can track it.

Wayne: What did you lose?
Dazza: All my best reporter clothes, all good stuff. And all my best underwear! If anyone has it, please return it. I Will pay a good reward.

Wayne: Well, if anyone picked up Dazza's gear - please tell her.
Dazza: Please! A girl losing her best wardrobe is not good. Most of the stuff is branded Razza Dazza - and it has some of my family photos too. Please return it.

Wayne: Let's get back to the football.
Dazza: Northern Caesarea lost to Jeruselem, only losing FOUR ONE. Northern Caesarea are sinking like the Titanic and going down fast - like Dazza when she's in the mood.

Wayne: Yes, Jeruselem still not beaten. Now, we are marching to the Holy Land.
Dazza: Or Northern Caesarea are digging their own grave on purpose.

Wayne: Bettia, our buddies are marching with us, Side by side. Kelssek tried to stop them but they got destroyed by the Aroras. FIVE ONE to our friends and it proves Jeruselem and Bettia are best teams in Group 1.
Dazza: Us and Bettia, marching on - our opponents slaughtered like lambs along the way.

Wayne: Bostopia bounced back from Bettian defeat to put away a crap Lovisa. FOUR ONE. Another large in Group 1.
Dazza: Lovisa are lost like my luggage! Good analogy I say. Going nowhere and no one know where there going.

Wayne: Elves Security Forces kept their hopes alive, beating New Propagandia TWO ONE. Yes, they aren't giving up with Kelssek and Bostopia in the way. Northern Caesarea are not a problem it seems for the elves now.
Dazza: Yes, a lot of work to do! But they can make it still.

Wayne: Collonie are bad - they are really bad - they are so bad, they well ... suck.
Dazza: Losing 1-10 to Jeruselem and then team Frenchie! FIVE NIL. What a crap performance by Collonie.

Wayne: Summary of Group 1? Well, no change really. Best teams won, crap teams played crap.
Dazza: Nedalia, are they coming back? A ONE NIL win over Coocoostan is not going get the rivals panicked but still the Lions are winning. Come on Lions!

Wayne: Yes, a win and can they make good the rest of the games. Maybe they can?
Dazza: Atheistic Right - they beat a world cup champ? Never! Well, yes.

Wayne: Yes, the Atheistic Right beat Squornshelous TWO ONE. The same Squornshelous who scored eight goals last game.
Dazza: My god, that's football. Can Nedalia take advantage of these kind of results. They could.

Wayne: Group 1 - who's going make the 3rd spot? What do you think Dazza?
Dazza: It's left to the elves, Bostopia and Kelssek. You know I can't pick it - too hard. All deserve it too if they make it.

Wayne: Back the YAP YAP time - topic is luggage! As you would have guessed by now.
Dazza: I know I'm not the first person to lose luggage, but in my case - my stuff is worth a fortune.

Wayne: Put it this way, put that stuff on auction and people will buy it. Clothes worn by Dazza herself.
Dazza: It's just one suitcase, but it's full - packed full. Crap, there's some personal DVDs in there - the sort not for kids with me in it. Oh dear.

Wayne: So even international journalistsget their luggage lost, it happens to everyone. I do a lot of travel myself and I've had a few bad experiences. Dazza - not the first time?
Dazza: No, but this time I've lost good stuff - when I was poor all the stuff I lost was replacable. Some of this stuff is not. Not happy.

Wayne: Not good, but let's hope someone returns it.
Dazza: Well, let's hope they do. That's it from me and THE FOOTBALL LIFE.

Wayne: People, help Dazza out.

Group 1:
Lovisa [1] Bostopia [4]
Jeruselem [4] Northern Caesarea [1]
Bettia [5] Kelssek [1]
Elves Security Forces [2] New Propagandia [1]
Collonie [0] Marceau State [5]

Group 9
Coocoostan [0] Nedalia [1]
Squornshelous [1] Atheistic Right [2]

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Another disappointing setback

In a dismal evening of driving rain and cold, gusting winds, Quintessence of Dust's national side served up a performance to match: hobbling around seemingly dispossessed of any interest in the game, they produced one of their most limpid displays to date, succumbing 3-1 to Lethislavania, against whom they had previously managed a reasonably positive draw. The defeat means they slip out of qualifying rankings, and served only to underline the writing on the wall of a World Cup that started so brightly.

That was much the shape of the game. The Quodites began with a spark, with Frederic Renard setting up Peter Rogers, whose volley was well saved, and then Jessica Jensen landing on a cross on Dennis Young's head, that he could only direct onto the post. But the Lethislavanian robots were having none of it and proceeded to inflict a trifecta of injuries from which their opponents could never recover.

The first caught them on the break, and not one of the defensive line could get back to the ensuing cross - but the Lethislavanians were there in number, with KR-00 making the most of the opportunity. This one blow seemed to zap all the life from the Quintessential side, but there was worse to come. Micky Marberger continued his rotten luck as he brought down KR-TB for a penalty, duly converted, and then Guilermo Azzinio botched a routine clearance to leave KR-36 with the easiest chance of "his" "life".

Within 28 minutes, Quintessence of Dust had spiralled to a three-goal deficit, and after that, nothing seemed to go their way. A couple of dubious calls went against them, with one particularly blatant foul being overlooked while Rogers was carded after making the flimsiest of contacts, and with Marberber and Roger Longhorn also picking up bookings, the game represented a severe step back in disciplinary terms.

Longhorn eventually stumbled off the pitch in agony after appearing to twist his angle when chasing down a stray ball from Jensen. To the surprise of everyone, Alfred Cynus was chosen to replace him; his performance was some way of above anyone else's, inasmuch as he seemed to put in some genuine effort, frankly embarrassing the several players literally half his age, and he was instrumental in setting up the token goal, hitting a weighted cross that Dennis Young seized on and slid past the keeper at his second attempt.

Longhorn will miss the next game, against Cuation, though his injury has been ruled non-severe, and Cynus will start in his place. An unexpected move, and one that possibly does an injustice to Benvolio Azzinio, who has put in reliable performances throughout the tournament - including as a substitute tonight - it marks a change of plans for Jeremy Dixon. At this stage, though, it's clear that something different needs to be tried.

Traitors to the Cause: Zyuzin, Zewlakov, to play in Cafundeu

Coocoobad-CAP

As the Ibix dropped yet another World Cup qualifier 1-0 to Nedalia and watched their chances take another blow, it was still a big day for two players. Free Agent Vladimir Zyuzin, formerly of Anadahl United signed a contract worth 300,000 US Dollars a month, laden with bonuses with Petardos S/A, Cafundeu's most storied team in any sport. Zyuzin was excited about the opportunity but said there was no animosity with champions Anadahl United. "It was the right move for me. It's an exciting challenge with a storied side. Even with the fantastic fans in Anadahl, it's still going to be unbelievable, in a nation where football is the only sport anyone watches." Anadahl were said to be somewhat shocked and are now scrambling to replace a Midfielder, who only had one goal in 44 matches, but set up at least 10 and played solid on defence. The other major move today saw Spades FC transfer Left Back Nikolay Zevlakov to Penders for a 20 million vintem transfer fee, plus 2.4 million dollars in salary. Zevlakov refused comment on the advice of his agent, but sources close to Spades decided that after the team's close shave with relegation, changes needed to be made. With Zevlakov's salary and the way other players saw the ball, he became expenable and presented with the option to keep him from going to another CSF side, they made their move. Spades will be using the money in the next few days to land what one source called, "the biggest signing of the offseason."

Reminder Announcement

We'd like to remind all nations that the first qualifier will get to choose which nation they will be visiting for the world cup. As some teams are on the verge of qualification we'd like to congratulate those teams and explain the procedure. Only ONE team will be awarded the prize for first qualification. That means if two teams qualify on the same match day the team with the most points will be awarded the prize. If they are tied there the same tiebreakers will be used that are standardly used. Currently there are four teams who could clinch on MD13.

The leader and the team with the best chance at winning the first qualification prize is Schiavonia. If they win they are qualified and win the award. If they draw and The Lowland Clans doesn't win, they are qualified and win the award. If they lose and The Lowland Clans loses and Fort Europe doesn't win, they are qualified, and there results depend on the next team in line, Rejistania.

If Rejistania can win and Qutar doesn't they are qualified. If Schiavonia doesn't clinch qualification, or they clinch with a loss and Rejistania passes Schiavonia in goal differential than they win the award. Otherwise even if they qualify they won't win the award. Amazing that after an opening day loss to Philodox Weltschmerz they've recovered to put themselves in such a strong position.

The third team with a chance at qualification is Qazox. If they win and Quintessence of Dust doesn't they are qualified. Or if they draw, Quintessence of Dust loses and Commerce Heights JSY doesn't win, they are qualified. To win the award they need to have both teams that are ahead of them not qualify.

The fourth team that is capable of qualifying is from Qazox's group, Assegai Developments. If they win, Quintessence of Dust loses and Commerce Heights JSY doesn't win then they are qualified. To win the qualification award however, they must have all three other teams fail to qualify. It is mathematically possible that they could pass Qazox if Qazox qualified with a draw, but it would require them to win by 14 goals or more.

Good luck to the four teams trying to qualify tomorrow. It will be exciting seeing who comes out with the coveted award, or if it will be left open for another day.

The Isangrad Times
SPORTSfeed

Well at Least We Do Good Against the Bad Teams...
Boyars Tie With The Paladins

After winning a game hosting the Paladins, the Boyars are in high spirits in this game against the Paladins, our brothers in Orthodoxy. Karl von Hohenstauffen gave a toast to everyone before hand with ValorAde. George Illyanich eyed the team carefully to make sure that the drink wasn't spiked with vodka before the team went on the field. The Boyars in the past have been known to recklessly drink before a match when they feel confident to win... only to lose afterwards. Luckily for George Illyanich, the old Boyar tradition did not occur today. Even though the Paladins were not doing too well, they have been improving, and to have the Boyars let their guards down will invite a major comeback for NMS.

The game started off tensely as the two Orthodox nations traded shots without avail. Karl von Hohenstauffen swept in but was denied three times in twelve minutes. Ardeshir Kemerhadi and Alexander Putneyev tried their best at an offensive but without much luck. At least the Valerian defense held intact, but they were often subbed out thanks to the pressure the desperate Paladins were putting on them. Marc'antonio Memmo and Afanasiy Kreml'ov put up a solid line while midfielders Aristotle Koyabayashi and Antoine de Nouville kept setting up the Valerian forwards for more attacks. The first half saw no goals.

In the second half, the goals finally came. But they were not in favor of a Boyar win. At the start of the second half, the Valerians were caught off-guard as a winger of a shot made its way unexpectedly in the Boyar goal at the 53rd minute. "OUTRAGEOUS!" shouted George Illyanich to GK Ivan Yaroslavov. "You should have seen that coming!" Yaroslavov was subbed out for Domenico al-Nizari, who hasn't seen much play. Even though that may be the case, he was eager to prove himself on the field and no more Paladin shots made it past him into the Valerian net. But the 1-0 game was a threat to the Valerians. If they don't get an equalizer in, they will be set back a long way and may have to kiss the playoffs goodbye this World Cup again. Luckily, Karl von Hohenstauffen came in with a life-saving goal at the 78th minute. The Valerians tried to make it a win, but the score remained drawn 1-1 for the rest of the game. This draw knocks Magnus Valerius off the playoff charts yet again, and only a few more wins will make the chances of qualifying return to the Boyars.

Tomorrow, the Boyars host the Bazalopes at Tsar's Arena in Isangrad, the capital of The Grand Empire. If we win, we might still have a chance to enter into the playoffs for qualification.

Final Score

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png New Montreal States 1::1 Magnus Valerius http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png

Scorers

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png
Unreleased Player - 1 (53)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png
K. von Hohenstauffen - 1 (78)


The Group 7 Scoreboard

Team W D L PTS GF GA GD
Milchama 9 1 2 28 47 16 31
Tynelia 8 3 1 27 23 12 11
Bazalonia 8 1 3 25 34 20 14
Rorysville 5 4 3 19 13 12 1
Magnus Valerius 4 5 3 17 20 16 4
East Lithuania 3 5 4 14 12 18 -6
NMS 3 3 6 12 14 19 -5
Monty Python 3 1 8 10 15 31 -16
The Aqua Moose 2 3 7 9 16 33 -17
Croisland 1 2 9 5 6 23 -17



In other Group 7 news...

Rorysville makes a fool out of The Great Monty Python... but barely.
Rorysville [2] The Great Monty Python [1]

Bazalonia were no match for Milchama, who won a staunch victory in an away game.
Bazalonia [1] Milchama [4]

Tynelia blasts The Aqua Moose, doing much better than the Valerians in humiliating one of the hopeless teams in the group.
The Aqua Moose [0] Tynelia [5]

Croisland startles East Lithuanian players with a 1-0 win, despite Croisland's record of losing in the group.
Croisland [1] East Lithuania [0]

In other selected coverage,

Starblaydia and Estresse Intenso fight to a nil-all draw, showing that the Portuguese-speaking nation has spirit to draw against former masters of football.
Starblaydia [0] Estresse Intenso [0]

The Archregimancy nudges in a single goal against Fmjphoenix in an away game.
Fmjphoenix [0] The Archregimancy [1]

The Holy Empire beats Fort Europe in a close away game.
Fort Europe [2] Alasdair I Frosticus [3]

"Hello folks, this is Alan Babbage..."

Alan waited, and finally poked his broadcast partner. "Say what?"

"Say your name."

"Charles Turing."

"Too right, and we're live in Zwangzug as the football team takes on-oh, give it a try, Charles, who's going to correct you?"

"How-er-stine-zer," he attempted cautiously.

"As right as anything else! And here we go, that'll be their...lack of an anthem. Game on!"

The game went on, fairly defensively. Houersteinzer didn't mount much of a threat, but Zwangzug's offense seemed lethargic through the first half. The defense was almost as lethargic, but Andrew seemed charged with some dangerous emotion that would not have seemed out of place in the Dodgeball World Cup, evading shots as a curious Rube covered for him. The half ended in a scoreless tie.

"Any insightful commentary you'd like to add, Charles?"

"These numbers that are less than one really annoy me."

"So add one to them."

As Charles' eyes widened at the genius displayed, Zwangzug "added one" to the score, as #1 Simon Ryne began the second half with a thunderous goal. The Houersteinzer side seemed even less capable afterwards, and surrendered a second goal from Yul sixteen minutes before the final whistle blew.

"So it's two-nil Zwangzug, as they struggle to climb up the standings. Alan Turing, and..."

Charles saved untitledspreadsheet.xls.

"erm, a victorious team, signing off."

He blinks, but his headache's been gone: the screen says what he thought it said. "Fourteen goals or more?"

"Mathematical possibility, Andrew, it's beautiful..."

This is sad. We tried to get our nation in with a new team, which is intended to be better then the old one, and we lose most matches, draw some, and only win 2. Every win seems to be followed by a losing streak for our team, and now we are very low in the group, with no chance of qualifying. Yes, I know there technically is a chance, but we woukd have to win all remaining matches, and get a GD which would not give us the wooden net. I truly hope we do better in world cup 34, which I just signed the team up for. The cup of harmony is all thats left, and no matter how ell we do there, we will still be a team that fails to qualify. There is no hope for us in this tournament.

- Aleksander Szary

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/neorvinsherald.gif

Nine-man Kelssek implode against Bettia

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/redcard.jpg
Kyle Anderson protests as Kenneth Regehr gets his marching orders


It was in all respects a complete implosion as Team Kelssek fell 5-1 against Bettia, getting two players sent off in the process. But it would not have made any difference anyway, as who the better team was was a clear fact to all in attendance.

Kenneth Regehr got sent off in the 54th minute for a desperate two-footed tackle as Adi Bandasera flew down the wing. The score was a misleadingly close 2-1, and how misleading was to become evident shortly after. Kelssek had been in retreat and managed by a combination of luck and desperation to keep Bettia's potent offence under wraps, but the red card seemed to take the wind out of their sails and the next two went in with little resistance.

Finally, the coup de grace was delivered as Petr Zherdek brought down Budi Busilanta in the box with four minutes left. It was ruled a professional foul, and Kelssek had already used all three substitutions. Press-ganged into goal, Ian Colwyn could do little to stop the ensuing penalty and it was just as well he didn't have much else to do before the whistle blew on easily Kelssek's most disastrous game so far in these qualifiers.

And with a match against Jeruselem next, the team are looking forward with a keen sense of dread.

Kelssek line-up: Zherdek, Gobrynin (St. Louis 69), Avant, Symonds, P. Dubois, Colwyn, Hartraft, Arsenault (Archer 54), Regehr, Sinclair (L. Dubois 72), Crawford.

“…so let’s take a look at soccer now Milt.”

“Hey Phil I bet on WTRU, McPhee’s explaining how soccer is the cause of the rise in teenage pregnancies or something crazy like that.”

“May be Milt but WSOC fortunately just worries about things that happen on the field. And today Tynelia finally had the offensive explosion that they were due for in a 5-0 rout of Aqua Moose.”

“Yes, for the first time the reserves got some serious playing time as this one was over at the half with Tynelia up 3-0 on goals from Bill Jakes, Connor and Duncan MacDougal. And with the starters out that meant Coach Masterson got his first playing time of the tournament as he put himself in at the 73rd minute. By that time Tina Conroy got her second of group play. And anyone still watching this one got a tree as the ‘Old Man’ himself finished the scoring at the 85th minute of play making this the seventh straight Cup where he has scored a goal which has to be some kind of record.”

“Well Milt, it just goes to show that its certain to be a no brainer when it comes time for Tynelia to name their first nominations into the World Cup hall of fame. No offense to Amy Whiteworth, Alan MacDougal , Vladimar Malloy or John Stossels but clearly when you think Tynelian soccer you think of Jay Masterson.”

“And that just shows how dominant Masterson has been for us as longtime fans know that Tynelia is a defense first team yet their most famous player is a striker.”

“Hey don’t forget a few years back he made the final five in the legends penalty kick shootout as well.”

“Now let’s talk about something even more unheard of. When will Tynelia clinch its berth to the first ever world cup proper Phil?”

“Don’t get too far ahead here, we’re only eight points up on 4th still even if we’ve moved into second right now, which I think is another record for the team.”

“You know Phil, it really gets me hearing all these teams calling us underachievers after all this time. The last three cups we’ve put up at least 30 points each time and actually outscored some teams that did qualify, not to mention being one of the top five scoring teams to not qualify. Had the current system used this year had been in effect we would have at least gone to the sudden death head to head elimination match all three times.”

“That’s a good point Milt. Its not like the team has done badly, just bad luck as far as the groups they were in. And to answer your question, eight points with six matches to go is a solid spot to be in. Actually if we beat Rorysville this next match we get a double digit lead over 4th. I would say we officially clinch with three matches to go. And even if we don’t we’re facing Croisland and Monty Python to finish up so we should be able to clinch things then.”

“How about winning the group? We’re looking good so far there too I think.”

“Maybe, we still face an always dangerous NMS even if they’re underachieving and Bazalonia- two top twenty teams there. At best I think we’d split the two but I don’t see Milchama dropping back any further seeing how they already beat Bazalonia leaving NMS as the main threat left on their schedule. I don’t really see them losing anywhere else so I think they’re a lock for the top spot.”

“Alright then, big match coming with Rorysville as it means either a 11 point advantage for us or see it cut to five.”

“That about sums it up Milt. Now lets move on to the latest news from spring training where…”