NationStates Jolt Archive

We'd like to welcome everyone assembled here to the Quakmybush National Amphitheatre for the opening draw of World Cup 33 Qu-ak

Let's get right down to business

Group 1:

Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295443&postcount=30)
Northern Caesarea
Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12306043&postcount=45)
Lovisa
New Propagandia
Elves Security Forces (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287009&postcount=3)
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295018&postcount=25)
Collonie
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287980&postcount=13)
Marceau State

Group 2:

Ariddia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287955&postcount=12)
Algal states
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287932&postcount=11)
Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12306477&postcount=46)
Tanah Burung
Dance 2 Revolution (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12372067&postcount=67)
Cafundeu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12300706&postcount=36)
Fmjphoenix
Houersteinzer
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12308086&postcount=49)

Group 3:

Alasdair I Frosticus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12304802&postcount=42)
Hockey Canada
Schiavonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12299275&postcount=35)
Fort Europe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295817&postcount=31)
Bartonstein
Harlesburg
The Lowland Clans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12311645&postcount=53)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287038&postcount=4)
Cookesland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12315573&postcount=57)
Druida (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12309390&postcount=50)

Group 4:

Lethislavania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12301020&postcount=38)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287044&postcount=6)
Cluichstan
Quintessence of Dust (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12293612&postcount=23)
Cuation
Assegai Developments (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12301338&postcount=39)
Commerce Heights JSY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12305405&postcount=43)
Vilita
Random Toast (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12316984&postcount=59)
Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12317717&postcount=60)

Group 5:

Swilatia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287713&postcount=10)
Kingsford (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12297395&postcount=33)
Errinundera (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287064&postcount=7)
Green wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287065&postcount=8)
The Islands of Qutar
The HURD (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12339476&postcount=65)
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12309522&postcount=52)
Philodox Weltscmerz
Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12315305&postcount=56)
Nebuleux

Group 6:

Bushes Been Quaked
Oliverry (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12339266&postcount=64)
Casari (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12307551&postcount=47)
Spruitland
Haraki
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295273&postcount=27)
Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Cesibia
Delesa
Turruth Gordur (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12301375&postcount=40)

Group 7:

The Great Monty Python
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12307748&postcount=48)
New Montreal States
Rorysville
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292097&postcount=17)
The Aqua Moose
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287040&postcount=5)
Croisland
Magnus Valerius
East Lithuania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292393&postcount=18)

Group 8:

Kulikovia
Etres Vais
Geisenfried (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12312282&postcount=54)
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12309455&postcount=51)
Tessan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12294953&postcount=24)
San Monticaz
Liverpool England
Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12320366&postcount=61)
Sativaville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12287074&postcount=9)
Estresse Intenso (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12300732&postcount=37)

Group 9:

Turori (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12288165&postcount=14)
Nedalia
Schorteskatascansolani (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12286973&postcount=2)
Commerce Heights (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12305405&postcount=43)
Kericia
Ropa-Topia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292838&postcount=20)
Coocoostan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12314357&postcount=55)
Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12315609&postcount=58)
Altanar
Atheistic Right (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12296556&postcount=32)

We wish everyone good look as they race to qualify for the world cup proper.

Important information about the qualifying format and other things special to this cup:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12294380&postcount=8

The list of officially submitted rosters can be found here:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=516844

The schedule and scores will all be archived for everyones convience at:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=517078

Here is the schedule arranged by group:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12305902&postcount=2

And here is the schedule by match day:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12306023&postcount=3

All notable events happening before the draw can be found here:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=517025

Please contact the offices of either the Quakmybush or Az-cz football associations with any questions you may have.

And remember the motto of this cup: Get Points!

QSPNFootball.net Report
Last updated 2/8/1921 @2:01am

The offical Qualifing Draw for World Cup 33 has just been released and here is The Black Oxen's Qualifing Group and Schedule:

Group 4:

Lethislavania
Qazox
Cluichstan
Quintessence of Dust
Cuation
Assegai Developments
Commerce Heights JSY
Vilita
Random Toast
Krytenia

MD 1
@ Lethislavania
MD 2
vs. Cuation
MD 3
@ Vilita
MD 4
vs. Random Toast
MD 5
@ Cluichstan
MD 6
vs. Assegai Developments
MD 7
@ Krytenia
MD 8
vs. Commerce Heights JSY
MD 9
@ Quintessence of Dust
MD 10
vs Lethislavania
MD 11
@ Cuation
MD 12
@ Commerce Heights JSY
MD 13
vs Vilita
MD 14
@ Assegai Developments
MD 15
vs Quintessence of Dust
MD 16
@ Random Toast
MD 17
vs Cluichstan
MD 18
vs Krytenia

An early look at the group sees that Qazox would have to beat Cuation, Krytenia and Vilita, 3 teams that made it into World Cup 32. And we once again have Assegai Developments, now for the 3rd straight qualifing group. It looks like it could be another 4 years before Qazox advances to the World Cup.

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.8

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Jolyon Snodry, Sir Duncan Short, Mr E Jeffries, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were approved.

The Financial Officer reported that there were no profits from the previous month as NH had used them up with a reverse-charge call from the World Cup draw.

JS reported that he had not received tax advice with regard to the proposed amendment to the pension scheme. EJ stated that such proposed change would indeed breach the tax provisions of the Pension Scheme (Capped Liabilities) Regulation 18(d) and therefore could not proceed. EJ suggested that the surplus in the Scheme be used to fund a contribution holiday for the WFA. The Chairman stated that there was no proposal for a vote and therefore it should be minuted that an agenda item along those lines would not be out of the question.

CJ stated that he had recorded a decibel reading on the church bells in Borrowbrook and that they were 101. The Shade asked 101 what and CJ stated decibels. His Grace asked whether a decibel was a tenth of a bell. CJ said he thought there were around four bells. The Financial Officer said that he thought CJ said there were 101 decibels in which case there would be 10 bells plus part of a bell rather than 4. CJ said that it was unclear how many bells there were as they remained in a tower and the vicar was most diffident when he approached him to inspect the bells. NH stated that the meeting was talking bells and the Chairman agreed on the basis that the agenda item was bells, so all was in Order. CJ expressed the urgency on the matter as there was a remark to one referee that he resembled Quasimodo and CJ stated his opinion that such a remark was to do with the proximity of the bells. NH asked if the bells were blue and CJ stated that he had already mentioned that the bells were in a tower. His Grace asked if that was the belltower and CJ concurred. NH made a remark about going like the clappers and CJ said the clappers were indeed the problem, or at least the way the clappers struck the bell housing. NH stated that everyone was a bunch of loonies and the Shade stated that he was indeed the Grand Loon of the Pimworth Pond and both he and JS repeated the Solemn Oath of the Sacred Order of Loons.

A request from the Marfield FA was considered for a new whistle as the current one had lost its pea. IT WAS RESOLVED (4-2, remainder abstaining) that a new pea be sent. (Action: EJ)

The World Cup Draw was considered. The Chairman declared that he had never heard of any of the countries concerned. NH said he must have heard of Casari who had won the World Cup and the Chairman said he had not. NH asked if he had heard of Wentland and the Chairman said the name was vaguely familiar.

There being no other business the meeting was closed.

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

No predictions

As our predictions are crap and as we are a newspaper representing the host nation we wouldn't want to make it seem like we are biasing results, so instead we'll just give a brief overview of each group, affixing it with a nickname and choose one match to watch for each match day.

Group 1: Religous battles.

The top two teams in the group Jeruselem and Bettia meet again. They are the defining teams of the group. Elves Security Forces and Northern Caesarea lead the challengers for the last spot and a run at the playoffs.

Group 2: Past Masters.

The defending champions and original hosts are here. Archregimancy another old nation is here. Two former second place teams are here in Dance 2 Revolution and Tanah Burung. Even Fmjphoenix has a decently long history.

Group 3: Stealth Group.

Looking at the group none of the names really jump out at you. Druida has a second to their credit but are an unknown, not having competed recently. The Lowland Clans have come back in a major way but spent a lot of time wandering through the wilderness of not qualifying. Schiavonia is the most consistently good of the group but isn't a superpower. Alasdair I Frosticus hosted the second cup, but just recently finally made it back. Hockey Canada and Demot also have some history to their credit. The group has a lot of moderately named teams, but no absolute giants.

Group 4: Aces away.

Krytenia is by the far the top team in their group. Cuation has improved greatly, but is still relatively new to the top ranks. Vilita is not the Vilita of old. Krytenia looks to be a leading candidate for the First Qualifier Award.

Group 5: Historic Champions

This group has three different teams who have won championships, but all are fairly driven back into the recesses of time. Rejistania's most recent title was WC23, Kingsford's one crown was WC14 and Errinundera's way back in WC7. However Rejistania and Errinundera have both found a much greater form recently and could add to that list soon.

Group 6: Group of Death.

My choice for toughest qualifying group. Oliverry had the best qualifiers in WC32 and finished third in WC31. Casari is of course the champ of WC29 and had the best qualifiers in WC31. Spruitland is a tough three and they drew one of the fours coming off of qualification, in Wentland. In other times Haraki or Delesa might be relevant, but this group should be oughly top heavy.

Group 7: Poor Tynelia.

Tynelia looks well set to finish fourth place again, behind three teams who would be stunned not to qualify in Bazalonia, Milchama and New Montreal States.

Group 8: The Big Two.

With Bedistan retiring from world cup football that left Starblaydia and Liverpool England as the big two from that run during the end of the WC20s. Therefore it's pretty amazing that they both are in the same group and in fact kickoff the tournament against each other in Starblaydia. The rest of the group is just chasing them, with Geisenfried leading the pack.

Group 9: Balance

This group has some powers in Squornshelous and Commerce Heights. Some consistently good sides in Nedalia and Turori, an always dangerous side in Ropa-Topia and some up and comers like Schorteskatascansolani. Should be fun to watch.

Games to watch

MD1: Clearly Liverpool England at Starblaydia is the highlight of the day, and probably of the tournament. If that doesn't get your juices flowing than you're probably not reading this. Casari at Spruitland is an excellent undercard.

MD2: While not Liverpool England travelling to Starblaydia, Vilita travelling to Krytenia will be a big match, especially if Krytenia is to be caught. Fmjphoenix opening up with their second straight WC32 qualifier in Archregimancy after opening up with Cafundeu at home. And Tynelia travels to Milchama where they will try to make a statement towards their first cup.

MD3: As far as big matches go they all happen in group 9 where Turori hosts Commerce Heights and Nedalia travels to Squornshelous.

MD4: This is going to be an absolute huge day as far as group champions are concerned. Jeruselem v Bettia, The Lowland Clans v Schiavonia, Rejistania v Errinundera, Bazalonia v New Montreal States, and Liverpool v Geisenfried are all big matches. But probably none is bigger than Squornshelous travelling to Commerce Heights.

MD5: Oliverry travelling to Casari is the best match of the day, with Milchama travelling to New Montreal States not far behind. Cuation travels to Vilita and Northern Caesarea to Bettia as those teams try to defend their qualifying spots.

MD6: MD6 is all about midlevel teams trying to step up or stay up. Elves Security Forces travel to Northern Caesarea, Cafundeu to Ariddia, Alasdair I Frosticus hosts The Lowland Clans, Qutar hosts Errinundera, Wentland travels to Oliverry and Tynelia has a huge opportunity match against the incoming New Montreal States.

MD7: More of the same, with Fmjphoenix hosting the champs the highlight. Elves Security Forces hosting Bettia. Wentland hosting Casari and Turori travelling to Squornshelous are big matches. And at a lower level Demot and Alasdair I Frosticus could be quite important.

MD8: Bazalonia looks for revenge in Milchama where they struggled mightily in WC32 and Wentland hosts Spruitland on probably the least exciting match day of the first half.

MD9: Ariddia travelling to visit the mad monks is quite a match as is Spruitland hosting Oliverry. And Tynelia's visit to Bazalonia should provide good football as well.

MD10: The second half gets off to a flying start with Commerce Heights travelling to Squornshelous as just one of many great matches. Amongst the others of interest are Liverpool England starting the second half like the first travelling to a top side, in Geisenfried and Bettia hosting Jeruselem, which will be even bigger if Bettia still hasn't found victory over the Crusaders at this point. A deeper examination of the schedule will reveal even more matches to watch.

MD11: There are only three matches involving two teams from last world cup and two involve suprise qualifiers in Cafundeu hosting Fmjphoenix and Alasdair I Frosticus hosting Schiavonia. Thankfully the return leg of Liverpool England v Starblaydia saves the day. Also Tynelia home to Milchama is of some note.

MD12: Bazalonia's second shot at revenge is a match of interest as Milchama plays a second difficult road match. Commerce Heights v Turori and Fmjphoenix v The Archregimancy also provide intrigue.

MD13: Wake me when it's over. The only match between two teams from last cup is Nedalia hosting Squornshelous. Perhaps the next most interesting game is Tynelia hosting Rorysville, a win they'll need to finally qualify. Basically this day has the bad luck of being unexciting.

MD14: Bounces back somewhat with a lot of fairly interesting matches like Ariddia hosting Fmjphoenix, but it is a day for teams in the 30s and 40s with matches like Elves Security Forces v Northern Caesarea, Cafundeu v The Archregimancy, and Wentland v Oliverry popping up, big matches for those teams qualifying hopes.

MD15: With time running out a match like Demot hosting Schiavonia might be bigger than one such as Oliverry hosting Spruitland as those teams are much more likely to be quallified or near qualified.

MD16: Ariddia v The Archregimancy and The Islands of Qutar v Rejistania are good matches, but Casari hosting Spruitland is the most interesting and Tynelia v Bazalonia could have the most impact on new qualifies.

MD17: Group 6 doubles upon big matches in Oliverry v Casari and Spruitland v Wentland. Milchama home to New Montreal States rivals Oliverry v Casari for quality of teams, but might not have much in the way of effect on qualifying on the next to last day. However, Cafundeu v Ariddia, The Lowland Clans v Alasdair I Frosticus, and Cuation v Vitla might.

MD18: The last day of qualification is always exciting for the teams living on the edge, which is good cause the schedule doesn't reveal many gems. Casari v Wentland is possibly the best, especially if one or both is fighting for their lives. Bettia v Elves Security Forces could see the same thing as the Elves would like to be qualified already but if they could upset Bettia to get through their would be mayhem. And as Fort Europe fell short on the last match day last time around a final day match at home versus The Lowland Clans could be very big.

So there you have it. Of course different matches will develop importance over the cup. But there's a good overview of what to look for as these teams try to GET POINTS to advance to either Quakmybush or Az-cz.

<Girl in a belly dancer suite and a tall good looking man>

Wayne: I'm Wayne Wastle, popular host of Sports Sunday. I'm replacing the popular Ricky Pointy Stick who's done a grand job on THE FOOTBALL LIFE for so long but he's working with the Jeruselem cycling team now. Oh this is Dazza Dallas, if you haven't worked out who she is by now.
Dazza: Hi everyone, it's World Cup 33 time. Please make Wayne here welcome to our team, he's a man who eats, drinks and sleeps sport.

Wayne: Thanks Dazza, I was picked because of my popular Sports Sunday programme. I may not have an army of female fans like rippersticku but it's not everyday you work with the Lolita of Jeruselem TV.
Dazza: That's a new one, Wayne but I've been there and done that. Just dont copy me, you get into trouble girls.

Wayne: Jeruselem, who made the final last world cup are back! We are in Group 1.
Dazza: The groups have been draw and we like our group.

Wayne: Group 1 features Bettia, the orthordox team. Our friends join us as the best teams in this group. More thrills and spills for our Nedalian friends.
Dazza: Yes, Bettia. Well, it's better than Starblaydia! If they can't make from this group, it's a travesty.

Wayne: The other teams are Bostopia, Northern Caesarea, Lovisa, New Propagandia, Elves Security Forces, Jeruselem, Collonie, Kelssek and Marceau State. Actually we know most of these teams except for Kelssek. The others are regulars or have been regulars.
Dazza: Of those teams only Northern Caesarea and Elves Security Forces seem to be big threat. Lovisa return to football again and it's interesting how they face the new generation.

Wayne: It's an interesting group but looking at it, Jeruselem and Bettia have record and team to make the finals again. Both did well last cup so there's not excuse for these teams not to qualify.
Dazza: Lovisa will have a hard time as things have changed with the new superpowers like Jeruselem taking over.

Wayne: Defending champs Arridia are in Group 2. Tanah Burung return to football but the big threat is from the Mad Monks from The Archregimancy and the Vikings from Fmjphoenix.
Dazza: Don't forget Dance 2 Revolution either, they can do amazing things too when they try.

Wayne: Nedalia! No Bedistan this time so only one Lions team. Had a great World Cup 32 but we had knock them out for our own survival and well, we made the final so it was worth it. Let's hope we don't have do the same this time.
Dazza: Turori, Commerce Heights and World Cup 31 winner Squornshelous are here. So the Lions cannot be complacent, as so many good teams in their group.

Wayne: So, it's here. The World Cup 33!
Dazza: Me and Wayne will make sure you find out what's happening unless I'm having a good cry somewhere.

Wayne: Ah yes, can Jeruselem make the final again? Only one way to find out, watch JGN.
Dazza: Can the Lions qualify again? Stay tuned on JGN.

Wayne: What's with the belly dancer thing Dazza?
Dazza: I was late from belly dancing class and didn't get time to change when I got here

Wayne: Oh, I thought it was one of those stunts you pull off
Dazza: That's OK, I look good in it?

Wayne: As my son says about you, yummy.
Dazza: Not bad for an over 30 mum, eh?

Wayne: You don't look over 30 at all.
Dazza: Everyone says that.

Wayne: That's it from the pre-cup FOOTBALL LIFE.
Dazza: Jeruselem is ready - it's time to family around the TV and watch football, and Dazza being an idiot.

Wayne: Well, that's why you're here.
Dazza: That's it.

"Welcome to World Cup Sloths, I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and... no you're not. You're Dana Lee!"

"I know, but isn't that always the opening line to this show?"

"Um... not if Mike's not here. Anyway, I'm Filipo Schiavone. And welcome to World Cup Sloths, where we are looking at Schiavonia's qualifying group for World Cup 33."

"We're here at the King Francesco Stadium, where people from all over the country have been paying respect to their recently deceased king. Obviously, being Tynelian, I wouldn't know too much about him, but apparently there'd be no football on these islands without him, Fil?"

"That's true, Dana. He brought competitive sport to Schiavonia, and we haven't looked back since. They loved him so much, they named this place after him!"

"And apparently, there's news about the KFS."

"Yes. As a tribute to the Schiavone people, the King left a substantial amount of money to make this stadium more modern and up to date, like the ones you see in places like the UCS and Qutar."

"OK, well we should have a quality stadium on our hands by the start of World Cup 34. And it shows why you guys loved him so much. But anyway, we're here to look at Schiavonia's opponents during qualifying."

*silence*

"What... is it me now?"

"Yes, Fil. Aren't you going to read out your opponents?"

"Well, you see, Mike usually does this bit."

"But didn't you do it last cup?"

"Did I?"

"Yes, you remember telling me? About when Mike got carried off by the Qutar fans?"

"Oh yes."

"So have you got the list of opponents?"

"No."

"Oh."

"But I have got a copy of The Schiavone Scribe. I'm sure the group listings are in there."

"OK. Not very professional, but..."

"Here we have them. OK, first team listed in Group 3 are Alasdair I Frosticus. Oooh, we're going to the Dreamed Realm for the first time ever!"

"You mean Schiavonia have never been there?"

"No."

"What about World Cup 28?"

"We failed to qualify."

"Cup of Harmony..."

"We qualified all the other times. And we've never played a team who play there."

"So a new experience against one of the oldest teams around. And a team who did very well last time."

"They did indeed, making it to the finals. Somehow. Probably in with a decent shout again this time, although with it being in the Dreamed Realm, we might see a different Sloths team out for that one."

"Second on the list, Fil?"

"Hockey Canada."

"They used to be good, but they disappeared of the scene for a bit. You'll probably beat them."

"Schiavonia."

"That's you guys, you fool!"

"And?"

"How can you rate your chances against yourself?"

"We usually manage it."

"What have I let myself in for coming here..."

"OK, then. Fort Europe. They're one of these up-and-coming sides we so often hear about."

"And in this company, I think they could do well. There are some poor looking teams in the lower part of this group, so don't be surprised if fourth is good enough for a pla-off. Expect them to be part of the race for third."

"OK, will do. Baronstein. Who are they?"

"They made the regional semi-final in the Bazalonian side of the Baptism of Fire. Shouldn't be too challenging for Schiavonia, though."

"Oh, OK. Well, Harlesburg. Perrenial also rans, no?"

"That's them. Far from their glory days, and even they weren't very glorious."

"The Lowland Clans."

"The second of the main two teams in the group, and they knocked you lot out of World Cup 31, didn't they Fil?"

"Um... I'd... er... oh, is that the time, we'd better wrap this thing up. Demot, Cookesland and Druida."

"Heh, OK. Well, Demot will definately be in the mix by the end of qualifying, Cookesland are new, Druida are old, both aren't looking like good prospects."

"And the final group prediction from Schiasport is up on your screen right now..."

Group 3 Prediction
1st Schiavonia
2nd The Lowland Clans
3rd Fort Europe
4th Demot
5th Alasdair I Frosticus
6th Harlesburg
7th Hockey Canada
8th Baronstein
9th Cookesland
10th Druida

"...OK, bye!"

"But we've still got fifteen minutes to fill?"

"Just smile and wave, Dana. Smile and wave."

[OOC note - correct form of address for monastic novices is 'brother', not 'father', hence the occasional use of 'Br.' here]

WORLD CUP TONIGHT - THE PREVIEW SHOW

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John, what do we have planned for tonight's special qualification preview edition of World Cup Tonight?"

"Ooooooh, it's a special treat, Fr. Nicholas... We have with us today the four young novices - well, three novices and a potential convert - who've joined the Archregimancy squad as part of our international recruitment drive."

"International recruitment drive, Fr. John?"

"Yes. The new leadership at the Monastic Football Association felt that the potential pool of existing Archregimancy monks willing to play international football was limited, and that this was holding us back. We keep reaching the knock-out stages of the finals, but can't quite make it past the quarter-finals."

"I see - and who do have with us today then, Fr. John? Who has been guided by the Lord towards the fullness of Orthodoxy?"

"We have.... right winger Br. Iosephus the Seeker After Relics, formerly of Wentland, and whom you may remember for his sterling services to the nation in the previous World Cup!"

"Of course! The Lesser Column of St. Symeon Stylites the Younger... Welcome Br. Iosephus! I didn't realise you played football too..."

"Yes"

"But wasn't there some minor dispute involving you and the last World Cup match? Something involving lonely scouring vigils in the desert?"

"Yes"

"But that's all sorted out now? Nothing getting in the way of your taking your place on the team?"

"That would be an ecumenical matter."

"Indeed it might, I suppose. Such interesting insight from one so young. Who's next, Fr. John?"

"From Bazalonia, central midfielders Brothers Barsanuphius the Strong and John the Maker of Jaffles - both previously members of the Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia, so no conversion necessary here."

"Aha! Named after the authors of GUIDANCE TOWARD SPIRITUAL LIFE: ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS OF DISCIPLES by the Holy Monastic Fathers Barsanuphius and John, no doubt"

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas. We hope that by taking these monastic names, we symbolise that our partnership in central midfield will be as strong as the monastic partnership of the Venerable Barsanuphius and the Venerable John."

"How commendable. But tell me, Br. John... what on earth is a 'jaffle'?"

"I'm glad you asked, Fr. Nicholas. There are those in ordinary reality who have much misunderstood, and believe a 'jaffle' to be a type of Australian toasted cheese sandwich. I categorically deny these unfounded heathen accusations. No, a jaffle is a new type of triangular icon support made out of sustainably-harvested Huon Pine, and which I designed myself; it merely looks vaguely like a toasted cheese sandwich. Outside of football, it is this work through which I hope to move closer to God."

"Excellent, Br. John. Excellent. And who's this last young man, Fr. John?"

"Ah. Perhaps the most interesting case of all.... This is Aew Oj... an indigenous Ariddian..."

"But I thought Ariddia was a nation of atheists, Fr. John."

"Indeed most Ariddians are unbelievers, Fr. Nicholas - much as it pains my soul to say so - but not all."

"And what has drawn you to Orthodoxy, my son?"

"Well, Father.... all my life I've been searching for deeper meaning in my life. I knew at heart I was a Christian; at first I investigated Catholicism, but the more I searched, the more I realised that Orthodoxy was for me. The sheer beauty of the services, the unbroken line of Apostolic succession, the majesty of Orthodox iconography.... And since I've been training with Fr. David the Water Drinker, I've discovered that I'm a mean centre forward, too - I was just played out of position by my secular coaches."

"Bless you my son. And you truly want to join us?"

"I do Fr. Nicholas. I have found such peace here in the Archregimancy - and St. Catherine's have already offered me a place on their Monastic League side. I have been inspired by the example of St. Innocent of Alaska mission to indigenous Alaskans, bringing them the message of Christianity in their native language - I'm considering taking Innocent as my monastic name should I be considered worthy of joining you."

"With an example of humility like that, I'm sure you will. And it doesn't bother you that we've been grouped with Ariddia in qualification?"

"No, Fr. Nicholas. I'll take each game as they come - and hope to glorify God by scoring as often as I can."

"What a fine young man, Fr. John!"

"I thought so, Fr. Nicholas - and will you be doing a team by team qualification preview this year?"

"Why bother? They all sound alike. I mean, Ariddia will be a challenge, I'm sure those of us who once lived in the Holy Empire are thrilled to see Tanah Burung back, and no one should underestimate Cafundeu after WC32, but otherwise, it is not for us to know what the Lord has planned for our team. We shall accept His judgement and mercy upon the squad as it is revealed to us.

Well, that about wraps it up for us
AP - Upon the release today of the World Cup 33 Qualifying groups and fixtures, Kingsforder National Team manager Ean Harthshaw Doogan was found in a local bar, "Tobias's Queen Mary," the only bar in the Arms of Nobles metropolitan area where he is not banned from for jukebox abuse.

With "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran blaring in the background, Doogan sat staring into the bottom of a pint at the counter.

"Yeah, I heard the groups. So what?" Was his initial response to reporters' inquiries. He then downed the remainder of his pint before returning to the jukebox to play the song "Girls on Film," which was the subject of Doogan controversy pre-cup.

"Ok, look. I'd be lying if I said we had a chance. I mean, look who we're up against! Errinundera! Rejistania! These are teams that either dealt us outrageous losses in our heyday, or are pissed at us for winning the world cup off of that Gonorrhea fellow."

In the World Cup 14 final, hosted in Oglethorpia, Kingsford secured a 1-0 victory over Rejistania off of a peculiar goal by a mildly retarded player named Jingus Gonorrhea, who was only on the roster to fill diversity quotas. The goal kick struck Gonorrhea in the back, sending him to the pitch, and while the players were attending his injury, the ball rolled into the Rejistani goal before play had been stopped.

"Anyway," Doogan continued, "I'm not sure about the rest of these teams, but I doubt we'll beat them either. We're starting back at zero, man! Zero! You know how hard that is?"

Other components of the team were less intoxicated and pessimistic. The Federated Football Associations of Kingsford Commissioner, Arthur Black, said the following:
"I think the Kingsforder team has prepared well, and with the brilliant and unique leadership of Doogan, I believe they will make an impressive stand, and possibly push through to the first round." Black was then seen entering a local pub, and did not emerge for eight hours, until he was banned from the establishment for excessive complaining and weeping, allegedly making statements such as "There's no way in hell we have a shot," and "We're completely screwed!"

National team star and francophone midfielder Olmo Gatreaux commented that "The Kingsford team would like very much to not be losing in this cup." He went on to say that "The World cup is very much like a little boy. At first, untrained, it is tender, but if it is treated right by you and the right modes of skill are being applied, then it will mature into a handsome and strong man."

The Federated Football Associations of Kingsford and Gatreaux's club team, Knightsworth, have both issued lengthy statements declaring that Gatreaux is not a pedophile, he just has trouble expressing himself in English. Gatreaux has since been warned by the Minister of Sport, Lisa Danwall, not to make any more comparisons or allusions to the youth development leagues in the RPL.

The Schedule for World Cup 33 Qualifying is as follows:

Swilatia v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. The Islands of Qutar
Philodox Weltschmerz v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Sel Appa
Errinundera v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. The Hurd
Nebuleux v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Rejistania
Green Wombat v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Swilatia
The Islands of Qutar v. Kingsford
Rejistania v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Phildox Weltschmerz
The Hurd v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Green Wombat
Sel Appa v. Kingsford
Kingsford v. Errinundera
Kingsford v. Nebuleux



The home matches will be held at Cilas Obregon Stadium in Arms of Nobles, named for the late former Minister of Sport and National Team star Cilas Obregon. The stadium, in desperate need of repair due to the lack of interest in Kingsford Football until recent, has been described in offhand remarks as "The Sinkhole from Hell," "Hell's Outhouse," "The swamp on Degobah where Luke lost his X-Wing," "The World's most expensive junkyard," and "A physical manifestation of the movie 'Stop! Or my mom will shoot!'"

Upon hearing that this would be the venue for the home games, manager Ean Harthshaw Doogan replied simply, "Oh, hell."

TONIGHT ON HOLY EMPIRE TV!

GRUMPY OLD FOGEYS
World Cup Draw Edition

With Theodore Phocaso
Imperial Senator and Member of the Provincial Council

"Aye, I remember the first World Cup, you know. Yup, the one back in Ariddia. Back in those days, football was played in driving snow in 52 degree heat in the desert - that's celsius, mind - and the players had both legs tied behind their backs. Yes they did. Players these days are soft. Soft I tell you! Soft and lazy.

Just look at some of teams we've been drawn against this world cup... Schiavonia - they're sloths! Literally! Soft, lazy sloths! Harlesburg - they can't even be bothered to enter the World Cup all of the time. Soft and Lazy. What's that sonny? We couldn't be bothered entering the World Cup consistently for a long time either? Didn't even enter at all between 7 and 25? Well, that just proves my point! Even our own team's soft and lazy! Juan Tzimisces in his prime, though - now, there was a player! Get on his wrong side, and he'd beat you to death with his fists and then pay for your funeral. That's a real man for you.

Get back on track? The other teams in the group? Hockey Canada - another team that hasn't been doing much recently. Soft and lazy. Despite playing in really, really, cold weather. They're commies, see - communism softens the mind. And makes you lazy. As for the Lowland Clans, well, I'll grudgingly admit that they had a decent world cup last time round, but only because they were less soft and lazy than the softer and lazier teams. Doesn't stop 'em from being soft. Or lazy, for that matter. Druida. They used to be quite good. Until they became soft and lazy, that is.

As for the other teams.... Fort Europe, Demot, Bartonstein and Cookesland... they're all either up-and-coming johnny-come-lately upstarts or never-going-anywhere no-hopers. And therefore by definition they're all soft and lazy. Back in my day, they wouldn't even let you enter the world cup unless your captain had torn a man to death with his teeth. These days they let vegetarians enter. Vegetarians! Pah. Unless you've tasted raw meat you've killed with your own bare hands, you shouldn't be allowed to play football, that's what I say....."

SyMji commints on the WC33 draw:

Swilatia: We have quite a history with the Swilatians, but no really remarkable incidents happened.
Kingsford: THEM? Oh no, we all remember World Cup 14, and we all know that they are cheaters.
Errinundera: These treehuggers again? Come on, this is fixed, 2 arch-enemies of Rejistania already? Well, at least the companies, which provide vaccines against malaria and other diseases, which the LDC suffers from will profit.
Green wombat: Green Wombat was in Rejistania for a Hello Newbie errr Baptism of fire cup. This should be fun to watch.
The Islands of Qutar: This should also be a fun match, the qutarese love the occasional incident as well as the fans of the Orange-Blues....
The HURD: Robotic HURDist players, substitutions in case of problems, bugs, no national media in our sense, this will become psychodelic!
Rejistania: Another nation, which is not really first world, even though Errinundera's Imploded economy is far worse than Rejistania's Very Strong one. In that nation, corruption (called ymeti), weird laws and absurd customs exist. Good thing, we do not have to play them!
Philodox Weltscmerz: Who?
Sel Appa: WHO?
Nebuleux: No matter how this match will end, the league will be victorious!

"Good evening and welcome to BazSports latest news Sports news update."

The World Cup Qualifiers are edging closer with the release of the Qualifying Group Draws the new look Bazalope team have found themselves in group 7 facing the Paladins of New Montreal States, the Milchamian Warriors as well as the team from Tynelia which will look like once again they will stay in 4th seed.

Other teams of interest in the group are The Great Monty Python which recently finished an international film festival with only part of the awards announced however of those announced Bazalonian films were awarded 5 included best comedy, best Sci-fi, best thriller and best Special Effects.

<Photo of the Piemon International Film Festival and Andrew Trendwood

Rorysville, another team that will struggle against the Bazalopes and will be expected lose to the Bazalopes in their matchups.

<Photo of the team>

And now to The Aqua Moose and Croisland, are two teams Bazalonians have some interest in as they were in the Baptism of fire but both teams are expected to perform extremely poorly in this group and may only get points against each other or the next team.

<Photo of the teams just before their Baptism of Fire game against each other>

East Lithuania, a new team to the world cup every little is known about them apart from being East Lithuania and being completely unranked in the World Cup Commitee rankings. The Bazalopes are certainly looking forward to learn more about this team as they beat them.
<No Photo>

Magnus Valerius, an orthodox nation that has been in the world cup but has seemingly struggled to make the inroads into the top 50. While we can expect alot of this nation the solid bet is on continued mediocrity. <Latest stock photo of team>

In other news, 2 individual members of the Iconodulistic Autocephalous Orthodox Church of Bazalonia, Brothers Barsanuphius the Strong and John the Maker of Jaffles, are to form the core of the Archregimancies midfield, This act has been both applauded and lampooned in many of the nations media publications. Applauded for the further ties it creates between Bazalonia and lampooned as it has been seen as an unpatriotic act. But let me ask you, what does a patriotic Bazalonian look like?

<Photo of the two in their Monk robes, with a soccer ball at their feet>

In further news it seems the Horse that caused so much controversy in the 18 AOCAF installment will be coming to the World Cup, Milchamian officials have yet to have made any statement about the inclusion of a Horse in the official substitution list but many will be wondering if this Gambit will pay off or will it result in Milchamian humiliation. One can only wait.

And we have a breaking news story, live from Starblaydia a press conference has revealed that Bazalonia will have it's very own World Cup President. James Gaines who has just recently retired from the position of President of the BFSA is the current front runner but Andrew Coulter who has the dubious position of selecting the person to act on behalf of the World Cup Commitee has yet to make an announcement. There is no doubt that JAmes is Qualified but the question remains, will he accept? Only time will tell.

And that is all we have for this Sports news update and now for half-time resumption of the game that was previously being shown. Good night this has been a BazSports news update.

Straddling his weakened arms against the cold steel bar, Thomas Boeing pulled himself out of the wheelchair, and leaned precariously over the edge of the upper balcony. Peering below, the formations of the robots swarmed back and forth, never forming a coherent message of attack. The movement, while graceful, was decidedly inhuman-like, and this bothered Boeing a great deal. Turning to the small man next to him, Thomas spoke in his gravely voice, questioning the motives of such a decision. "Are you sure this is proper? I don't feel right fielding such a crew."

"Thomas, if I-"

"That'd be Mr. Boeing to you. I expect formalities until you explain this nonsense to me. I am only managing this team because my contract dictated such."

"Mr. Boeing, I assure you, this is the only way that we can insure the competitiveness of the Lethislavanian team. Due to the fact that you withheld the team from the World Cup for far too many years, we are no longer ranked. I only wish to bring our country back to where we once stood."

"That is not the point. This is highly unethical." Slipping back into his chair, Boeing shuttled off, vigorously pushing towards the door. His gnarled hands gripped onto the bars, as he knocked open the steel doors. "I expect to have a real squad by the time our plane takes off tomorrow."

The man turned around, and looked down at the perfection within the robot's play. They were besting their human opponents by 10 points. "Nothing could be farther from the case, Thomas. Nothing at all."

Meanwhile, Mr. Boeing continued his travel outside the building, taking every chance to inconvenience the staff on his way. This included emptying his bladder all over the bathroom floor, knocking over chairs, and shouting obscenities at young children. (It, incidentally enough, has been Football Pride Day, and children were at work with their parents due to the school holiday.) As he exited the building, he wheeled around, and in a manner only suited for bitter old men, he made every crude gesture a pair of hands could make. Two burly security men promptly removed him from the facility, bemoaning the fact that euthanasia was not mandatory.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, at his home, Boeing sat down with his business partner, Albarn, over a large plate of Salmon and Asparagus. (Which, incidentally enough, is no longer sold in Lethislavania to the majority of people, having been deemed a luxury by the populace and no longer desired.)

"Albarn, do tell, how did you manage to find these robotics knuckleheads?"

"Thomas, I suggest that you let this one go. There is no way that you can possibly win this argument."

"He had the worst possible manners of any man I have ever had the displeasure of working with!"

"Poor grammar aside, Thomas, you are not in a position to discuss anyone's manners. Let it go. You are taking that team to the World Cup, and that is it. I'm leaving Thomas; finish your dinner and go to bed. We have a lot of work tomorrow." Albarn slid out from his chair, and headed out the front door of Boeing's small condo.

Reaching for his phone, Boeing dialed a friend, and waited.

"Hey, this is Thomas. I need a favour. You still working with those computer things?"

"Of course, my dear friend. What is it you need?"

"A little sabotage, my good ally. We've got a World Cup to fix." Grinning wildly, Thomas exposed the green residue on his teeth courtesy of the asparagus. He hung down the phone and clasped together his wiry fingers. "Finally, I'll bring some pride back to this country." Patting his pants pocket, another idea struck him. "And possibly my wallet." Grabbing his fork, he began to ate Albarn's left over meal. And Lethislavania's football pride.

"Fuck!" Damian Hill was not happy about the draw.

"New Montreal States and Bazalonia what the hell? These teams are good and no reprieve just put bloody Tynelia in would you? Fucking WCC they really do it have it in for Milchama" Realizing he had just validated all the things he hated about Milchama Hill tried to do a double turn.

"I didn't really say that"

"Oh you really just did and I'm about to use it no you"

"Fuck! no"

"Oh hell yes"

"Damnit" Hill knew he was going to lose this argument so he stopped it.

"Anyway we have more important issues to deal with, let's go"

"Yeh come on"

Yvonne Et Nioj Foreigners Paper

Sports Section

Hill insane

Milchama Coach Damian Hill was overheard quoting Douglas Jeffrey and other nutorious Milchamian conspiracy theorist by saying that the world has it in for Milchama. Clearly the new Milchama coach is a smart bugger and will fit in perfectly with the team. Also the groups were drawn here is Milchama's with customary crap analysis:

Group 7:

The Great Monty Python- Besides the fact that we will set the record for most obscure Monty Python references in one post this should be an easy win.
Milchama- Their fielding a horse!? What the hell? They have no chance to qualify.
New Montreal States- Our rivals. Recently the rivalry has died down again but it will be back in full force during these matches. Expect riots.
Rorysville- Win
Tynelia- They have no luck. Hopefully they can beat NMS or Bazalonia for that 3rd qual spot but it's unlikely.
The Aqua Moose- Win while breaking the most moose refrences in one post.
Bazalonia- The new WC Prez still is behind us in actual football. Thus a win.
Croisland- Win.
Magnus Valerius- We might have faced them in the CoH final once. That was a different time win.
East Lithuania- Inners and outers lose to us.

Elven Sports Network
Currently Airing: Football Central

"Welcome ladies and gents to another airing of Football Central. Tonights episode we will be reviewing the World Cup Qualifiers draw, and assessing the Marauders chances on moving to the Cup Proper. I'm your host Jason Klien, with my special guest of Dwier Titenburg Jr, the son of the Marauders assistant manager, and currently playing centerback with FC Capri.

We are glad to have you on the show Junior."

"Happy to be here Jason, let's get this show on the road shall we?"

"Indeed. Well the draw has been announced, and the Marauders are once again on the outside looking in for the qualfying spots, with Proper tested squads of Jeruselem, Bettia, and those bastards in Northern Caesarea. With only three squads advancing from each group, the Marauders have to pull at least one upset, possibily two, and hope for the tops seeds to beat up on each other. What are your thoughts Junior?"

"It is not the easiest of draws, much would of prefered to get a draw like our former colony of Demot, but I think it feasable. Those Caesareans recent streak of qualifying, which started back in World Cup 30 when they edged us out, is perplexing. They are not a good team talent wise, which shows when they get to the Proper and promptly get their butts handed to them. The way I see it, we take four points from them, and we're in. The squads behind us just are not expierenced enough or have the amount of talent we do to contend in this group."

"Perhaps so. It will prove interesting, as the Marauders don't host there Caesareans until around the midpoint of the stage. However, I don't think you should right off 45th ranked Marceau State soo quickly. They are bound to have earned that spot somehow.

Moving onto our regionmates, Assegai once again faces the Black Oxen of Qazox, Fort Europe gets to take on our former colony in Demot, Random Toast get a murderous draw, and Turruth Gordur has a decent draw that could see them make an immiedate splash."

"Speaking of Assegai, I was speaking to my dad earlier, and the Marauders and Assegai have agreed a friendly before the start of qualifiers. The Assegains will travel to the ESF before the start of group play, and will hope to start some momentum going intp the start of group play, as will our squad."

"That game will be interesting indeed, for if Assegai wins the match, they will bring their all time record with the ESF to a 7-3-6 mark, just shy of evening out the seris between us. Yet if the Marauders continue their dominance over their rivals, they will take back the Mythril Gauntlet, the trophy to whoever claimed the last victory in the seris, which Assegai currently has.

In other news, the Senate, with the blessing of Tobias, has created a new coat of arms for the ESF. It is sepculated that this sudden commishion is to inspire our players as they head into World Cup play, and hopefully lead them into glorious victory. Here is a look at the new coat of arms.

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e362/vexguy/mexicho/esfarmscopy.gif

Unfortunately that is all the time we have for tonight, we thank you for tuning into this broadcast, and we hope that you enjoyed it and the upcoming splendor of the start of World Cup play."

End Broadcast

"The Great Lion?! Pfft more like the great waste of space." commented AFA Chairman Leon Green in a meeting with the coach Roger Hammerstein as well as a number of the more important players Aidan Stewart, John Edwards and Matthew Wright.

"Anyway, yes were we. Oh, that's right going over the matchplay strategies." He pulled out a piece of paper that had everything listed on it what Games they were playing and where.

MD1: Altanar v Atheistic Right

"Matchday 1, we're traveling to Altanar. No idea about local laws or customs so we better make sure that we get as much information on their nude people policy and gun laws. The reason the old regime failed is that it wasn't suited to the international environment we are going to make sure we are ready. We can and need to get points in this match."

MD 2: Atheistic Right v Squornshelous

"Matchday 2, home against Squornshelous. In all truth they are going to flog us, we just don't have the skills to beat them. But I want you guys to use this as a training exercise. Learn from them, test them. make them work as hard as you can. That way next time you guys will be ready the next time hopefully."

MD 3: Schorteskatascansolani v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 3, Schort-esk-ata-scan-sola-ni. These guys are the 2nd placed team in the BoF. We need to do well against this team but 1 they did extremely well in the BoF and 2 they are at home. It's going to be hard but we can do it."

MD 4: Atheistic Right v Ropa-Topia
"Matchday 4, Home at Ropa-Topia, We'll be hosting these guys from Uhuhland, We had an oppurtunity under the old *spit* regime but yeah, just take it easy for the next matchup. This match is fairly hopeless."

MD 5: Atheistic Right v Coocoostan
"Matchday 5, Coocoostan. Quite frankly we need to win and we need to use everything at our disposal. We have the advantage of being at home and we know what it takes to come to the world cup. These guys are new. Let's give them the respect they deserve... none."

MD 6: Commerce Heights v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 6, Away in the Unified Capitalizt States, probably the closest idealogically to us though, they are going to wipe the floor. Just pick up what you can from them."

MD 7: Atheistic Right v Nedalia

"Matchday 7, Nedalia. Another good team from our region, was one of the nations that helped the Atheistic People by removing that leader. Expect another rout on the footbal field."

MD 8: Kericia v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 8 away at Kericia.. They've been around for a bit but I have no real solid opinion of them. Though they are still to highly ranked for us. Just do what you can. "

MD 9: Atheistic Right v Turori
"Matchday 9, Turori. The Turori Eels have been around for much longer than even the ... you know what. We won't have a chance against these guys."

MD 10: Ropa-Topia v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 10, Ropa-Topia. This time it is us that travel. This is purely a game for experience. No real interest, we'll be beaten and it's not like we're up against A high profile team like the Starblaydi's or Bazalonia now that they have the presidency."

MD 11: Atheistic Right v Commerce Heights
"Matchday 11, Unified Capitalizt States again, and another route despite being at home. Though I want you to play hard. Make sure they hear the voice that wer are not going down without battling for it."

MD 12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 12, Squornshelous again, away, Take it easy we need to be rested so we can play the next matchday properly. Be under no delusions we will lose this game."

MD 13: Atheistic Right v Schorteskatascansolani
"Matchday 13, Schorteskatascansolani. At home. Now the ball is in the other court. This will be easier to win but will still be a battle. We Should get over the line. I have been watching these guys over the BoF. This is critical win match.

MD 14: Coocoostan v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 14, Coocoostan. At this point I don't know much about these guys but the history of teams such these they will fizzle without even a sniff before this. Should be an easy win."

MD 15: Atheistic Right v Kericia
"Matchday 15, Kericia, I know I sound like a broken record, but sorry. We'll lose this one. No point in being un realistic about our chances here. We may get up to 3rd seed or even 4th... but out 10 teams... well you get the idea."

MD 16: Turori v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 16, I don't think I have anything to say for this one."

MD 17: Atheistic Right v Altanar
"Matchday 17, Altanar. These guys should be quite easy to handle. Once I again I saw them at the Baptism of Fire and they should be reasonably easy to handle at this stage."

MD 18: Nedalia v Atheistic Right
"Matchday 18, Nedalia, away... loss. Okay so that's it any questions?"

"Will the stadium be ready in time for our first home game in MD2?"

"Yes Darwin Dome will be ready. Natural Stadium was an affront, providing no facilities at all was no way to welcome people to our country and was probably part of the reason Atheistic Right was a laughing stock,,, that and you know who."

"Sorry, but how are we going to pay for this? We getting no money from the government, they are still working out policies for everyything it will be a while till they provide any funding to sports."

"Good, thing you noticed. The Private sector to the rescue.... Things are are going to be blasted with advertising from a large number of companies all around the stadium. Whatever you want, it will be there and the companies are paying through the nose to get their ad up there."

And with that the meeting was obviously over and everyone left

Ropa-Turori Round III

For the third consecutive World Cup Qualifying session the Turori Eels will find themselves squaring off with the Ropa-Topians of Uhuhland in what promises to be a hard fought battle for the third and final promotion place.

In a ridiculously difficult task, Turori and Ropa-Topia, two of the upper echelon of non-finalist nations will not be favored to advance from a tough Group 9 that includes World Cup 31 Champions Squornshelous.

The Eels will likely be shooting for one of the 6 playoff spots as the top finishing 4th place team, but will be gunning for more as they look to cause a few upsets and mimic their World Cup 31 run which saw them temporarily placed atop their qualifying group. Despite not qualifying for the World Cup 32 finals, the Eels made good on their Cup of Harmony campaign, through to the final and winning the event for the second time in history, joining a short list of nations who have managed to win the secondary tournament on more than one occasion.

The Turorian FA has still yet to name a head coach for the World Cup 32 squad which will follow up on the Cup of Harmony success by abandoning the tactic of using Cocoabo's.

WThe Eels will be meeting up with Ropa-Topia for the 3rd consecutive qualifying campaign, and Commerce Heights for the second campaign in a row, with all three teams sharing a place in Group 2 of the World Cup 32 Qualifications. Turori finished wit ha dissapointing 0 Wins, 3 Losses and 1 Draw record in the four matches against their repeat opposition and will be looking to reverse that trend if they want to improve on their 6th place standing in last cups qualifying groups.

However they are rather unfamiliar with the rest of their group, even long time veterans Nedalia, & Kericia who, despite having played alongside Turori off and on since World Cup 15, have never met in World Cup competition.

There is one more team other than Ropa-Topia & Commerce Heights that Turori is quite familiar with, and that is Squornshelous. While never previously meeting in the Qualifying stage, Turori and Squornshelous have met on many occasions in the World Cup Finals, most recently in the Finals for World Cup 31 where Squornshelous won 3-2 for the second consecutive meeting. Squornshelous has won the last three meetings between the two sides, with Turori recording their only point against the former World Champions in the opening match of the World Cup 18 Finals which ended in a 1-all draw.

A Complete Record of World Cup campaign results against Teams in Group 9:

Group 9:

Commerce Heights (0 W, 1 D, 1 L)
WC32Q: Commerce Heights [4] Turori [0]
WC32Q: Turori [2] Commerce Heights [2]


Ropa-Topia (2 W, 0 D, 2 L)
WC32Q: Ropa-Topia [1] Turori [0]
WC32Q: Turori [2] Ropa-Topia [3]
WC31Q: Turori [4] Ropa-Topia [1]
WC31Q: Ropa-Topia [1] Turori [4]


Squornshelous (0 W, 1 D, 3 L)
WC18 1R: Squornshelous [1] Turori [1]
WC18 QF: Squornshelous [3] Turori [1]
WC27 1R: Squornshelous [3] Turori [2]
WC31 1R: Turori [2] Squornshelous [3]

[We now turn and inspect a meeting of the Council of Ancients.]

Dr. Nikephorus. To other matters, now. I have with me here a list of the draw for the World Cup.

[there is a rumble of interest in the room.]

Dr. Nikephorus. We have been placed in the a group with Turori, Nedalia, Commerce Heights, Kericia, Ropa-Topia, Coocoostan, Squornshelous, Altanar, and Atheistic Right. May I offer some comments, or does anyone else have - yes, Rev. Iskander?

Rev. Iskander. Squornshelous is ranked...first in the world?

Dr. Nikephorus. Was ranked first, now ranked fourth. No, not the easiest competition there.

Prof. Kaspar. Very interesting that we have been drawn with Commerce Heights. You all know that there is a very ancient legend that Schorteskatascansolani was founded by three brothers, Lech, Cech, and Rus, who migrated out of Commerce Heights and settled here by the Vltava? We are practically cousin peoples, or at least, we and the Greekish ethnic group within the Commerce Heights.

Dr. Nikephorus. Yes, we will be playing them first in our group. They are currently ranked 13th in the world, which is very tough. We will be very fortunate to beat them.

Rev. Viktorin. Where are we ranked?

Dr. Nikephorus. My list here is a little dated, so we are not on it, but judging by the various calculations here, my adjutant has said that we would be ranked approximately 103.

Rev. Iskander. Not too bad, considering being runners-up in the Baptism of Fire cup.

Dr. Nikephorus. Yes, but that was a nasty crashout against Northern Bettia. Those guys play mean. Really, really mean. Which reminds me, there is precisely one nation here whom we have any experience against.

Dr. Kasimir. Altanar.

Dr. Nikephorus. Yes, Altanar; we played them in the semi-finals for the Baptism of Fire. There are a few other nations that appear to be not on the rankings list: Coocoostan and Atheistic Right.

Rev. Iskander. Atheistic Right? Is that a joke or a logic puzzle?

Dr. Kasimir. It appears to an oxymoron...

[there is a general rumble of confusion in the room]

Dr. Nikephorus. At any rate, we shall have to increase our theological counseling to the players when playing away there.

Rev. Prokop. Without objection, I'd like to make a motion to that effect.

Mr. Chairman. No objection; so ordered.

Dr. Nikephorus. Turori is a name I recognize from the history books; they have a long and legendary past with the Cup. They are currently ranked 30th, with Nedalia directly following them at 32nd.

Rev. Iskander. What is this nation Ropa-Topia? Sounds like a clothing store?

Dr. Nikephorus. They are ranked 42nd.

Rev. Iskander. A propitious number.

Dr. Nikephorus. We must all remember that we as a team know next to nothing about these other countries. There is what I have found in the history books, but the only experience we have is against other new nations. I would say to prepare for some embarrassing defeats like that against Northern Bettia.

[the discussion turns to other matters.]

The team was changing planes. Or something. The rapid-fire flights between Quakmybush and Zwangzug were disorienting, and Andrew's "wait it out and just read the draw online" logic was brilliant in hindsight.

"No, Steven and Andrew are not unaccompanied minors," Rube reiterated, "Hammers is a name, not a security threat, and-not again. Anatol-y!"

He was staring widemouthed like a child at a row of carts. "Look, they're called "Smarte Cartes". Sentient metal-creatures?" He smiled, serious in his proposition.

BOB spluttered at this threat to his dominance, then whirred in an error cycle. "Great," Andrew rolled his eyes. "You made him divide by zero again. Nice going."

"Seriously! Nice going!" Lawrence exulted, shooting a bewildered Anatoly a high-five.

Once the team's accompanying techie from the AIU had gotten BOB in a semblance of function, they boarded the plane. In the air things were calmer. Anatoly had a window seat, and doodled on the condensation. A square, or what came close enough for someone with fingers as clumsy as his. A line down the middle, a line across the middle. Four more, subdividing into sixteen squares. Halving those from both directions, and a makeshift chessboard came into view.

Thirty-two World Cups before this one, that's half the board. And now we're here. He traced the dividing line. And something will change...

“So who do we play this time?”

“Casari, Oliverry, and a bunch of crap teams. Well, even crappier teams, I mean.”

“No no, I mean THIS qualifying campaign.”

“I know. Like I said, Casari, Oliverry, and a bunch of crap teams.”

“Oh. Isn’t that the same as last time?”

“No, then it was Casari, Fmjphoenix, and a bunch of crap teams.”

“Ah, right. And the one before that?”

“That one was Oliverry, Fmjphoenix, and a bunch of crap teams.”

“Gotcha.” <brief pause for effect> “All these World Cups are starting to look alike…”

This story starts here (http://www.3wideracing.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1858).

Huw and Trefor are in front of the television watching Hockey Canadian television...

"...and with news of an old friend making an appearance in the World Cup Draw, here's Kyle Kishishev."

"Yes, and as Hockey Canada make their first attempt to qualify, the team that stands out most in the group isn't the highest seeds The Lowland Clans, but out former near neighbors Druida who, despite not existing for thirty years, have put forward a team. What's even more surprising is that when we talked to footballers in Hockey Canada's significant Druidan community, they seemed to know nothing about it."

*Caption - Frank Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, Druidan Football Association*

"This seems odd to us. We've kept our association going as a regional association within the Hockey Canadian FA structure, but this application has nothing to do with us. Indeed, we don't have a team as such."

"Indeed, it is expected that the Cannucks will have to go across the strongly guarded borders with the Druidish Lands for their game on Matchday 7. However, Harlesburg, Demot and The Lowland Clans must all go there first, so we shall see how those trips go first. As well as Druida, TLc, Harlesburg and Demot, Hockey Canada will face Schiavonia, Alasdair I Frosticus, Fort Europe, Bartonstein and Cookesland. Hockey Canada goalkeeping legend Kyle Thomas thinks that we've got a good chance, as all the other teams come across as being soft and lazy..."

Trefor turns the TV off.

"The Druida team... is coming here."

"That's what they said."

"And we're supposed to be going back to claim the land for ourselves?"

"This could get messy, couldn't it?"

"Very."

Three Weeks Ago, LIDYT Match, Ajer, Yafor 2

Prince Sebard spun with the ball, moving it between the legs of the player from Cardorel easily. This was the LIDYT, the internal Yaforite football/soccer league, the place where the stars met each other in play and beat each other at their own game. It had few international players, if any, and was reputed for its violence, its skill, speed of play, and players. Prince was the star of the show here. Ajer FC, the best player on the best team in the top league in a country that had proven its skills in the game on international stages repeatedly. He was the best and he knew it. He knew it.

Faking another move, he realized that the player guarding him, Dibo Giniv'red, was also on the national team, and he laughed in the middle of the play. It was odd, somehow, that they would meet now, just weeks before manager Lisa Simpson, the woman from Jeruselem who had been the only woman to lead the Yaforite team ever to a World Cup qualification announced the team. Prince had few doubts, if any, that he would make it. He had proved his worth internationally before and had been contacted to play in foreign leagues before. He had always turned such offers down. He loved the LIDYT and everything it was.

He wondered what the changes for the international team would be. Last time, Lisa had tried to inject new life into the Yaforite team by bringing out experienced LIDYT players to fight for the country. It was not that it had not worked. The Yaforite team had simply played the same as it always did - fast start, then fading away later in the qualification period. It had been interesting to play with new people but less so than it might have been. The Yaforites needed to do something revolutionary to regain the magic of World Cup 30. Something totally magical.

Prince had heard rumors that that the U21 players were going to be brought up to play. He understood it totally. Some of the U21 players were better than his teammates were - the Silver Wolves were not a great team because they rarely practiced not through lack of talent. In particular, he had seen a certain "Zyante Meleherat", a striker who was but a tender nineteen (though really Prince, who was in his twenties, should not have been talking of age like that), a player who was a star. This "Meleherat" had scored seven goals in eight minutes against the best college team in the nation - almost totally by himself, without outstanding help from his own team. It had been quite a feat and Prince had been glad to have seen it.

Prince moved his foot over the ball in a quick move and the vast screen directly above him reflected the move perfectly, showing exactly what he was doing. He moved his head up to glance at it, to see what was going one as he moved the ball with his left foot when it happened. Like a lightening bolt out of the blue, something - no someone - smashed into his back. He cursed and fell to the ground. Even the screen above him didn't tell him what it was, what was happening, why it was happening. It just...happened, and next thing he knew, he was hurtling towards the ground.

It took Prince an age to fall. He arced towards the ground, his left leg folding beneath him as he hit the ground. His eyes filled with water and he audibly heard something snap inside of him. A hush settled above the stadium. Players got injured all the time, but never weeks before the World Cup, never to the true stars. Prince was injured, he was broken, and the stadium of hundreds of thousands in the capital of Yafor 2 was suddenly silent.

The play who, but two cups ago, had frozen Arridians as he moved around them, who had reject offers to play internationally lay on the field limply. He looked half-dead as he lay there.

Kicking the ball over to one of his friends, Ke Sho walked to the small stack of water bottles dropped negligently by a tree. One of the most famous football players in Ariddia, he was at that moment enjoying a casual game with extended family and friends deep within the pristine forests of Wueliw island, amidst his native E’te community. In the warm, humid air, he was wearing nothing except patanja-leaf wrappers around his waist and thighs. An international star he might be, but home was home, and any lure urban life might hold for a while paled in comparison with that sense of home within his Indigenous community.

“Starting your own club?”

Ke turned, after a long drink of water, and smiled. He found several of his national team mates gathered round him – including their new captain, Chloé al Safi, as well as Sébastien Lescrit (who had just spoken), Sio Epa and “new girl” Raphaëlle du Valdor. Of the five of them, only al Safi and Epa were not Indigenous.

“Football is how I relax,” he said with a smile. “What brings you city people all this far into nowhere?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Chloé was a little surprised. She spoke to him in Wymgani. Ke now played for a club in Cafundéu, where he had picked up basic English and Portuguese out of necessity, but he was only really fluent in Wymgani. “Well, we thought you might not have. The group draw is out.”

“Oh?” Ke’s interest was sparked. “Any familiar countries? Where are we going to be travelling?”

“Some very interesting stuff.” Sébastien. “We’re in the same group as the Archregimancy.”

“Ooh! The Dreamed Realm.” Ke paused. “Haven’t they got an Ariddian playing for them now?”

“Yeah. A guy called Oj. Giorgos has got to know him a bit, apparently.” Sébastien nodded towards Sio, the team’s second goalkeeper. “Sio’s been wondering whether hir cousin will be allowed in.”

“Oh, right. Your cousin is also fa’afafine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fa'afafine)?”

Sio nodded.

“So. . . Does that count as hir being a woman, or a man?”

“Neither. We’re a separate gender, remember. I have no idea what that makes us officially in the eyes of Orthodox monks. I’ll be allowed in since I’m a player, but s/he would be coming as a supporter. So… we don’t know.”

“There’s also Tanah Burung in the group.” Chloé grinned. “It’s going to be like a meeting of the ancients!”

“Hey!” Raphaëlle elbowed her with a mock hurt expression. “Speak for yourself.”

“I’ve always rather fancied going to Tanah Burung.” Ke smiled slightly. “It’s nice to see they’re back on the world stage.”

“We’re also off to Cafundeu,” Sébastien said. He and Ke both played in clubs in that country, as did three other members of the Ariddian national team.

“Oj in the Archregimancy, Tanah Burung, our own supporters in Cafundéu… We’re going to have a lot of friends hoping to see us lose.” Ke laughed. “Is Cassie going to be working on the plane as we fly around?”

Chloé nodded. “On some flights, yes.”

Cassie Lee was, in addition to being a football player, an air hostess, and she often chose (and was allowed) to work on the flights taking her and her team mates abroad for a match, and back again. They all made the most of it to poke fun at her. (“Miss, miss, could I have another glass of orange juice?”)

There was a moment of silence. It began to rain, very slightly.

“Well.” Ke smiled, closed his bottle of water and dropped it at the foot of the tree. “Who wants to play some football with my pals?”

((ooc- no time for anything fancy here. won't be able to post much if at all until wednesday so Tynelia and Tessan will be rather quiet til then))

Here We Go Again

Well its World Cup time again and Tynelia looks to break its six straight non qualifying campaigns under new player-coach Jay Masterson, veteran of the last six cups and Tynelia's all time leading scorer. He returns with the MacDougals in full force- Connor and Duncan joined with the veteran Bill Jakes . This trio looks to break the all time Tynelian scoring record set last cup with 31 goals. Masterson was always knownfor his attacking style but oddly kept the team's general defensive outlook.

"Its what we do best, its not like we've had lousy showings playing this way. Our luck has to change one of these Cups." Masterson was quoted recently.

However the draw looks like he's being proved wrong once again. Bazalonia, the nation which led to the firing of the entire Tynelian Soccer Weekly crew many years ago due to a slight error in pronounciation which the Bazalopes found offensive joins prennenial power NMS and former Cup hosts Milchama as the triop which looks fairly certain to leave Tynelia in yet another fourth at best showing.

Of course with class of 27 members Rorysville who have risen from a winless BoF to a rank not too far behind Tynelia look to leapfrog us at least. Magnus Valerius, who knocked us out of the CoH our first time around also looks to surprise Tynelia as well. East Lithuania returns after a long absence to the Cup as well. A press member form the Great Monty Python has informed us with many winks and nudges, that they will surprise some people this time around. So most cynics have them pegged as leader of the the team below Tynelia that they will be unable to beat this Cup award. The other two squads are new to the Cup and should be a source of poiints for Tynelia's already dim chances to advance.

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Six.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when, for the first time in our history, Acapais was placed in a World Cup Qualifying group.

More than 60% of the nation was said to have watched to WC Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the Acapans, Acapais avoided high ranked nations like Liverpool England, Starblaydia, and last defending WC Champions, Ariddia.

Although never competing, Acapais was placed in Group Six as the seventh seed for three other nations have also been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the six other nations seeded higher than Acapais, two did not qualify for WC32's tournament. The four nations that qualified for WC32's final tournament, all failed to make it to the next round.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Anil Keswani. "but we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games and traveling to Quakmybush and Az-cz this summer. We are going to start today getting ready for Cesibia."

90 nations entered this year’s World Cup and divided into nine groups of ten. The top three teams qualify for the final tournament and the six nations with the most points among the non-qualifiers will have a play-off for the final three spots. Quakmybush and Az-cz automatically qualify fir the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais Men’s National Team have high hopes for themselves too.

Oscar Van Savage says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer despite our inexperience. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Some people believe, however, that all the optimism in Acapais is just a false sense of hope.

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. These teams know how to win and they will not let an inexperienced nation like Acapais get in their way of glory. Acapais will probably end up in the bottom four nations in group qualifying."

Sally predicts that the three qualifying teams from group six will be Oliverry, Casari, and Spruitland. She says the fourth team forced into a playoff will be Wentland and that they will win the playoff.

Group 6:
1. Bushes Been Quaked
2. Oliverry
3. Casari
4. Spruitland
5. Haraki
6. Wentland
7. Acapais
8. Cesibia
9. Delesa
10. Turruth Gordur

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
Cesibia v Acapais
Acapais v Spruitland
Wentland v Acapais
Acapais v Casari
Turruth Gordur v Acapais
Bushes Been Quaked v Acapais
Acapais v Delesa
Oliverry v Acapais
Acapais v Haraki
Casari v Acapais
Acapais v Cesibia
Acapais v Oliverry
Delesa v Acapais
Acapais v Turruth Gordur
Acapais v Wentland
Haraki v Acapais
Acapais v Bushes Been Quaked
Spruitland v Acapais


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais PreWCQ Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais PostWCQ Draw Newspaper Article

http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Sbc8.png
World Cup Qualifications

So now, another version of the world cup has started, and the new Swilatian team's first. Well, actually the world cup has not started, just the qualifications. However, we here do consider that to be a stage of the world cup, and one worth following if you find it to be strange that there are only 32 nations in the tournament even though it is called the World Cup. After all, if you count the qualification stage, there are roughly 90 countries this time, and there have even been more in previous editions, with numbers sometimes reaching as high as 110.

Now where does Swilatia fall into this? Well, ths time we are in group 5 out of 9, and there are 10 nations in the group, being Swilatia, Kingsford, Errinundera, Green wombat, The Islands of Qutar, The HURD, Rejistania, Philodox Weltscmerz, Sel Appa, and Nebuleux. We're not exactly sure what order the nations running the cup this time have put the group in, but at least we have an idea of who's in it.

However, if the Swilatian team does qualify, who will they be up against? how will things go. If they don't qualify, the same can be asked, because there is always the cup of harmony, in which the Swilatian team can get more experience, and then do better in it's attempt to qualify for world cup 34. And hopefully not end up with a reccord as bad as that of the old team. After all, it's terrible when a team enters a cup 5 times in a row, and never qualifies.

A closer look at group 5:

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/swilatia.pngSwilatia
That's us! Anyway, we know the old team was terrible, never managing to qualify, no matter how many times they try. But this is the new team, which is well, we don't really know, because this is it's first attempt at getting into the cup. So, we will just have to wait and see to find out something about the team. Wait, we already know the players, and it's offensive style, but that's about it. Oh, and the fact that it's new, which can't be a good sign.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.pngKingsford
Well, these guys are playing with a neutral style. They are also new, so we can't be sure about their experience level. However it is likely that they do not have a solid offense or defense, and will be easy for any team, including our own, to beat them. Thus their chances of qualification are low, and we can at least win here.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/errinundera.pngErrinundera
Yeah, it's that nation of tree-huggers. They made it to the second stage in the last two cups, and thus will probably do well here, and be one of the two qualifying nations. Their playing style is remarkably similar to ours, but thay have more experience, and would win against us, with both teams having weak defense. Hopefully we will win enough other matches to counter this, but we never know.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/green%20wombat.pngGreen Wombat
Now, there's a team that, just like the old Swilatian team, is a complete failure. It keeps entering the world cup, yet never qualifies. NEVER. They have a style almost attack centred as Swilatia's team, but not quite. As for the experience level, well, let's just say that never qualified... Wait, they said that they actually werent able to find enough people who could actually play football, which means they will do poorly. Maybe the Swilatian team will win over these guys.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the%20islands%20of%20qutar.pngThe Islands of Qutar
Well, we don't know anything about their style, so we can forget about that, unless you want to do the seemingly impossible task of looking for information on it. So the Swilatian team does not know what they will be up against. As for their record, they did qualify for the last world cup, but did not get very far in it. So we mostly don't know what we can say about this team. So we will just have to wait and see...

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the%20hurd.pngThe HURD
Who exactly are these guys? They seemed to start the whole thing in the last world cup, which Swilatia missed out on, and not do too well. It should be an easy win, even for the Swilatian team. Then again, most teams, including Swilatia's, have no idea what it is like to play football against a team of robots. no idea at all. And they are probably robots specially designed to play football.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rejistania.pngRejistania
So we will be up against these guys? Yikes! They are one of the best teams ever. They used to play mostly defense, but they seemed to give up on the whole Karela thing, making them more dangerous then ever. We'll probably be lucky if we manage to have a draw with this team, or even not lose by too much.

Philodox Weltscmerz
We've never heard of such a country before. never. I guess that means they have never been in the world cup before, just like the new Swilatian team. This should mean a victory. Wait... this nation ceased to exist. They are obviously not qualifying then, and their team will never rise. Put this all together, and we have a team that will be easy for us to beat, even though we are new to this tourney.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel%20appa.pngSel Appa
Well, we're not really sure about the team's style or the team's players, but this team almost qualified last time, so they may very well qualify this time. The also means they may very well pose a threat to Swilatia's qualification attempt, but it's not too likely that Swilatia will qualify anyway. However, this team is a team to watch, because, as I said, maybe they will actually qualify for the world cup this time.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/nebuleux.pngNebuleux
Well, as much as we want to actually give a description, we have never heard of this team. Wait, they attempted to qualify last time, and the time before. And failed both times. We wonder what their record will be, If it will be as bad as the old Swilatian team's record, ehoch we difenately don't want happening to the new Swilatian team.

Young Kingsford side struggles to shed misconceptions of 'new team' and 'piss poor'
AP - Absent after several cups and completely disrobed or their ranking, the Lazarean Kingsforder side is having trouble distancing itself from the idea that it is a neophyte team.

"I don't understand it!" said National Team midfielder Roger Voultore, the captain of the squad. "Kingsford played in cups from World Cup 3 until somewhere in the 20's, and now we're a new team, a minnow to be dashed over by the others in the group? Kingsford is a nation with a long tradition of the sport, and a world cup win to boot."

The Kingsford National team, under the leadership of the legendary Saturn Calcete and the charmingly hilarious ineptitude of mildly retarded midfielder Jingus Gonorrhea, were able to take home the World Cup in the final, defeating Rejistania 1-0 in Oglethorpia, an event that many Rejistanians still have passionate feelings about. In addition, the World Cup has been held in Kingsford twice, in World Cup Six (sort of) and in World Cup Fourteen.

"Many of the older nations remember us, they know who we are," commented Commissioner of the FFAK, Arthur Black. "A lot of old, familiar names appear in the qualifying draw, nations we've met on the pitch and on the diplomatic field. Old friends and foes alike, they all remember playing us at some point. They're not the ones getting confused. It's all the teams that began playing in the cup after we had previously retired."

Another myth that the Kingsforder national team is trying to dispel is the notion that they suck. Manager Ean Harthshawe Doogan was not available for comment, but his secretary submitted the following quote:

"Look now, look all around, there's no sign of life
Voices, another sound, can you hear me now?
Is is planet earth, you're looking at planet earth"

This quote is not attributed to Doogan, but to Duran Duran lead singer Simon Le Bon, from the song "Planet Earth," on their self titled debut album in 1981. Doogan's response indicates that he has little to no confidence that the thought that Kingsford is a crappy team is false.

Hello, and welcome to Preview ’33, here on BSTV2! As you may have ascertained, we’ll be previewing the 33rd World Cup, and taking an inside look at the teams Bostopia’ll be facing in their quest to qualify for the tournament being held in Az-Cz and Quakmybush. Well first, let’s have a look at the history of Bostopia in the World Cup.

The first World Cup we entered was 29, hosted by Casari and Krytenia. However, this wasn’t out first venture onto the international sporting stage, after entries into the NSGP, set up by Casari. In World Cup 29, we were drawn against Liverpool England, Cataduanes, Qazox, Bazalonia, Tinsuvilia, Green Wombat and Benlandngdo. Debate still rises in Bostopia over whether Benlandngdo is harder to spell or pronounce. On the football side of things, Bostopia pulled off an upset in its first game, drawing two all with Liverpool England, on their turf. However, in the return leg we lost 4 – 1. Bostopia did manage to pull another cat of the bag though, winning 3 – 1 away at Qazox.

In World Cup 30, Bostopia finished 5th out of 8 in a group that included Demot, Giant Zucchini, Hockey Canada, Palaxia, Quakmybush, Ten Thousand Maggots and The Archregimancy.

When World Cup 31 rolled around, a war flared up in Chikoo between Vladmiristak and Outer Sygon, and Bostopia did not enter incase the war intensified to a region-wide scale. Some have said that this non-entry set back Bostopia greatly in its quest for World Cup qualification, setting back the development of the nation’s top stars.

In World Cup 32, Bostopia was back. Fielding a strong team, Bostopia set out to prove to teams worldwide that they were back, and serious about mounting a challenge. 98th ranked Bostopia did well in their first game, drawing against a 57th ranked Ropa-Topia, then a 3 – 1 win over 155th ranked Nomadasia. However, the next four matches did not go so well, with losses to the United Capitalizt States, Elves Security Forces, Krytenia and Alasdair I Frosticus, but a 1 – 0 win over Turori – ranked 27th followed. Bostopia went on to again beat Nomadasia and The HURD before finishing 7th in the group, 12 points off a qualification place.

Bostopia’s efforts in World Cup 32 paid off though, with an invitation to the Cup of Honour, being held in Bazalonia and Qutar. Bostopia was drawn in Group C, along with, Qazox, Demot, Ropa-Topia and The Great Monty Python. Qazox gained revenge for their 3 – 1 loss some 12 years earlier, but Bostopia went on to qualify for the knockout stages of the tournament, along with Ropa-Topia, Qazox and Demot. However, Bostopia was knocked out in the Millennium Stadium, Qutar in a thrilling 3 – 2 defeat to Spaam, who went on to lose 2 – 1 in the final to Tutori.

But now, the World Cup has again rolled round, this time being held in Az-Cz and Quakmybush. Bostopia’s group is as follows: Northern Caesarea (28), Bettia (18), Lovisa (164), New Propagandia (83), Elves Security Forces (39), Jeruselem (3), Collonie (NR), Kelssek (NR) and Marceau State (45).

Bostopia has so far played only Elves Security Forces before, so this will be a World Cup of new places, people and experiences, on both footballing and cultural terms. Let’s now take an in-depth look at each of the countries, in alphabetical order.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png The Blessed Realm of Bettia is a country of around 4 billion people, in the Atlantian Oceania region, with their capital at Gabalfa. This footballing nation won their first ever international tournament, the Baptism of Fire, in a massive 7 – 0 final win. The “Aroras” will be a tough competitor, being ranked the second highest in the group, and likely to take a playoff position. In their last outing, they were knocked out of the World Cup on penalties by eventual winners, Ariddia.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png The Empire of the Confederate States of the East & West Isles of Bostopia. We have a great side this time round, but not yet really as quality a side as we'd like to be.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/collonie.png The Colonialist Colonial Colony of Collonie is unranked at the moment, and is a puppet of Milchama, whose population stands at around 3.8 billion. We can’t find much about this team, but as a newcomer, we’re expecting easy pickings for a much more experienced Bostopian side.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png The Sporting Domain of the Elves Security Forces is a nation of 6.5 billion, with its capital in Raynor City, and is quickly becoming a Bostopian rival, after drawing against us twice in two successive World Cups, and with both nations entering their first World Cup in World Cup 29. Bostopia, however, lost both times. This could be the season Bostopia finally gets a favourable result, or the ESF qualify for the World Cup.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png The Holy Arc of Jeruselem has a population of some 7.8 billion, and is, frankly, in the top 3 teams in the whole of the World Cup. This means that the country – and some of its players – is well known in Bostopia, but we have yet to come up against them. Jeruselem is sure fire 1st place qualifiers, after making it to the final of World Cup 32, before losing 2 – 1 to Ariddia. We look forward to welcoming these truly World-Class athletes to the country.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kelssek.png The Official title-less nation of Kelssek is a nation of 6.3 billion people, with its capital at Neorvins. They won five out of their 6 group matches in the latest Baptism of Fire, before losing 3 – 0 to Zwangzug in the Regional Quarter finals. While a strong BoF team, they’re likely to be battling for 9th place with Collonie.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/lovisa.png The Kingdom of Lovisa has a population of 8.5 billion, and is a massively populated nation. However, they are only ranked 164th in the world, and in their last World Cup, 31, they qualified bottom of their group, drawing only 1 game and losing 17. Are most likely to be easy pickings for the Fighting Geesemonkies, and are also likely to be fighting for the last three places in the group.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/marceau_state.png The Colony of Marceau State is populated by 1.29 people, and in World Cup 32, qualified fourth in group 6, missing out on the World Cup proper. As a strong side, the fourth best in the group, we expect them to be battling hard for a qualifying spot.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_propagandia.png The Holy Empire of New Propagandia is a nation with a population of 354 million people, making them the minnows of the group. However, don’t be fooled by their small size, as they are ranked 83rd in the world, only 8 places behind Bostopia, and can pack a punch. We expect them to be involved in our most closely fought games in qualifying. Bostopia has never played against New Propagandia, but friendly talks were speculated around World Cup 32, which never bore any fruit.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_caesarea.png The Spanish Republic of Northern Caesarea is inhabited by some 6.4 billion people, and ranked 28th in the World. In their last World Cup outing, they finished third in the qualifiers, but finished bottom of Group C, with no points. We expect them to be in the running for a qualifying place.

Well, that’s the teams. Join us after the break, where we’ll be showing you around the stadiums Bostopia will be using this time round, and what features you’ll be getting in BTV coverage of World Cup qualifiers.

Black Wolves Drawn Into Group Seven.

Well, the groups have been drawn for this years World Cup qualifiers. And this years East Lithuania's national team has been announced to be in Group 7, along with: The Great Monty Python, Milchema, New Montreal States, Rorysville, Tynelia, The Aqua Moose, Bazalonia, Croisland, and Magnus Valerious. We wish the bes of luck to all teams.

Along with the group draws, the matchdays have been announced as well. According to recent reports, East Lithuania is scheduled to play Magnus Valerious first in the seventeen day scheduale.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/groupqualbanner.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/group.png

"Martin Ladoc here, of the Sel Appa Sports Network. As you now see on your screen, we hav the qualifiers group draw. A nice group placing us right in the upper part of the middle. A few familiar sides are here: Rejistania, Qutar, Green wombat, and Nebuleux. The Qutar matchups should prove most interesting, looking back at the last meet that was quite controversial. Overall, this matchup will prove most interesting. For qualification, the top three teams in each group at the end of qualifiers will qualify automatically. This leaves three spots, which will be decided in a playoff of the top six overall non-qualifiers. This is an interesting format and we may see the Turtles go on for their first World Cup proper.

Let's take a look at previous meetings with fellow groupmates. Rejistania easily dispatched us twice in the World Cup 31 Qualifiers 0-5 and 0-2. Qutar has a more interesting history with our team, meeting twice in World Cup 32 Qualifiers. The first meeting was a 1-1 draw, here in Sel Appa. The second match was a 0-2 loss at Qutar. This match was highly contrversial and nearly led to full-fledged riots over Nebuleux referee Pierre Martin, who gave many red and yellow cards to Sel Appa, forcing key players to sit out the remaining matches. This match was also said to be the deciding factor of the Qutar-Sel Appa fight over the third qualification spot in the group.

We now move on to Green wombat, who has met with us thrice. Twice in the qualifiers for World Cup 31, both losses, 0-2 and 2-3 respectively. Then in the 24th Cup of Harmony, we lost to them once 1-2. Finally, we come to Nebuleux, which provided the controversial referee Pierre Martin. We defeated them twice in the World Cup 31 Qualifiers 3-0 and 3-1. That sums it up for previous weetings. A look at the remaining teams shows some interesting sides.

Errinundera is a fairly good team with a rank of 20. Then, we have The HURD ranked 87, which should win a good bit of points. Swilatia, ranked 116th may have something good to show. Kingsford, a former team that took a hiatus, is expected to do good. However, no rank data is available for them. Finally, we come to Philodox Weltschmerz, an odd nation name. They competed in the Baptism of Fire, but no rank data is available. This group appears quite good and will have some interesting matches. And here are the matches:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/matches1.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/matches2.png

Predictions are sill floating around, but it may be possible for the Turtles to finally qualify. I'm Martin Ladoc, good night."

Swilatia
Kingsford
Errinundera
Green wombat
The Islands of Qutar
The HURD
Rejistania
Philodox Weltscmerz
Sel Appa
Nebuleux

The team looked at the list of the Group they were drawn into, and came to one conclusion:

"Well, at least we'll get some experience for World Cup 34...."

Offical Sativaville Sports Council Meeting, 9 Feb

Members Present:
Chuck Heisel, Chairman
Tolover Holmes, Vice-Chair
Eric Werth, Marketing Director
Colin DeFrost, Director of Stadia
Greg Sanders, Treasurer
Members Absent:
Mark Johansen, Vice Treasurer
Paul Running-Wolf, Secretary of College Athletics

Heisel: So I call this 23rd meeting of the SSC to order. Today's business, World Cup 33 and Women's World Cup 9.

DeFrost: Not the Women's Cup again. WOMEN should not compete in sports.

Holmes: I second that.

Heisel: You do know that according to law we have to have both a men's and a women's team right.

Sanders: Yeah, but I've been looking over the budget, and why are we spending 10,000,000 WeedSeeds on the Women's team and 10,000,000 WeedSeeds ont he National team. Granted the Women have actually made the quarterfinals the last two WWC's, but come on it's against what 20 or so teams? While the National team has to compete with 90 or so other countries to get into the World Cup. I say that we start spending a greater proportion of our funding on the National team. They use the stadiums more, and if they do ever qualify, think of the money that will bring into Sativaville, as people around the world will find out about us and they would take vacations.

Heisel: Why does the National team need more money? We make about 1.75 million WeedSeeds for every home game, and this time there is 9 so that means we're going to make about 6 million WeedSeeds of the team just in ticket sales alone. Not to mention about another 4-5 million in Parking, Hotel rooms and Concessions.

Werth: That all is true, but we lose about 4 million WeedSeeds every time the Women's team plays in their little Cup.

DeFrost: Yeah, having to withdraw our bid for that tourney cost us how much Sanders?

Sanders: Well we spent 600,000 WeedSeeds on marketing, 1 million WeedSeeds on stadium upgrades, and about 450,000 WeedSeeds on infrastructure. We lost just over 2,000,000 WeedSeeds on a tourney that could have brought in over 20,000,000 WeedSeeds.

Heisel: Hold on a second, (talks into intercom...Right.. It just came in?.. Ok I'll be there in about 5 minutes...) Gentlemen, we have to cut this meeting short. The Group Draw just came in and I have to go to the press conference. This meeting is adjourned.

Sativaville's Group and Schedule:
Group 8:

Kulikovia
Etres Vais
Geisenfried
Yafor 2
Tessan
San Monticaz
Liverpool England
Starblaydia
Sativaville
Estresse Intenso

Schedule:
Sativaville v Estresse Intenso
San Monticaz v Sativaville
Sativaville v Tessan
Etres Vais v Sativaville
Sativaville v Yafor 2
Sativaville v Starblaydia
Liverpool England v Sativaville
Kulikova v Sativaville
Sativaville v Geisenfried
Tessan v Sativaville
Sativaville v San Monticaz
Geisenfried v Sativaville
Sativaville v Liverpool England
Yafor 2 v Sativaville
Sativaville v Kulikova
Sativaville v Etres Vais
Estresse Intenso v Sativaville
Starblaydia v Sativaville

Demot Daily ~ Time To Go

Another two years has come and gone, and here we are at the start of another World Cup, with the qualifying round just days away. One wonders if the Dynamo can prove that their qualification from four years past was just a fluke, or if this FA has great things ahead in store for it. The upcoming weeks and months will tell the tale of this new crew, as some fresh faces take over for the retired veterans. Despite the new add ons, this core bit of squad is still up there age wise, and will likely only be together this Cup and maybe the next one. That said, this needs to be the tournament that they make their marks and take that leap from good squad to great squad.

The draw has taken place, with nine groups total, each group containing ten nations who will be vying for the places in the Cup Proper, with the top three teams from each group directly advancing. The last three qualifiers will be detirmined in an odd sort as the top six point getters who do not directly qualify will play in a play off type setting for the right to become qualifiers. With the groups announced, and the stage set to start any day now, we would like to review each group, and put forth our predictions, however reliable or not they will prove to be.

Group One
Bostopia
Northern Caesarea
Bettia
Lovisa
New Propagandia
Elves Security Forces
Jeruselem
Collonie
Kelssek
Marceau State

It's clear that the Jerus are the class of this group, making the semis of the last Proper. They should cruise right through this group with little ease, with the Bettia squad just a step behind them. The real story here will be the fight for third, as our former masters in the ESF are on the outside looking in with the squad from Northern Caesarea looking to keep the Marauders dissapointed for the fifth straight Cup. Yet something about the form of the Caesareans does not thrill me, and I see the Marauders slipping through with the help of the other top seeds keeping the Northerns at bay. Bostopia will be the suprise of the group, and pull of some nice wins to take a good fifth place finish.

Predicted Finish
Jeruselem
Bettia
Elves Security Forces
Northern Caesarea
Bostopia
Marceau State
Kelssek
Lovisa
New Propagandia
Collonie

Group Two
Ariddia
Algal states
Zwangzug
Northern Bettia
Tanah Burung
Dance 2 Revolution
Cafundeu
Fmjphoenix
Houersteinzer
The Archregimancy

This group looks to be interesting as several strong squads call this group home, with the founders of the Cup and last editions champions of Arridia. The champs might have some troubles with the tough sides from Fmjphoenix, Cafundea, and the Monks, but they will still prove their worth as they will top the group. Sadly, one of the other mentioned squads will not make the Proper directly, and will likely hope for a playoff birth to get in. Dance 2 Revolution will continue its' downward swing, and likely finish in the bottom half of the table.

Predicted Finish
Ariddia
The Archregimancy
Fmjphoenix
Cafundeu
Northern Bettia
Algal states
Tanah Burung
Dance 2 Revolution
Zwangzug
Houersteinzer

Group Three
Alasdair I Frosticus
Hockey Canada
Schiavonia
Fort Europe
Bartonstein
Harlesburg
The Lowland Clans
Demot
Cookesland
Druida

And here we are, looking in great shape to make the Proper directly. Schiavonia and The Lowland Clans will be fighting for first and second while we try to take down the Holy Empire for the final direct qualifying spot. Luck of the Dynamo says that they somehow do this, and make the Proper for the second time and in only their fourth tournament. Meanwhile, former regionmates of Fort Europe will continue to show why they nearly qualified last tournament and are considered to be one of the youngworlds region footballing powers with a great fifth place finish in this campaign.

Predicted Finish
The Lowland Clans
Schiavonia
Demot
Alasdair I Frosticus
Fort Europe
Hockey Canada
Bartonstein
Harlesburg
Cookesland
Druida

Group Four
Lethislavania
Qazox
Cluichstan
Quintessence of Dust
Cuation
Assegai Developments
Commerce Heights JSY
Vilita
Random Toast
Krytenia

Once again the heathen Black Oxen squad and the dynamic Assegai squads will be fighting for glory on the pitch. This growing rivalry will be the big news of this group, while other squads will scratch and claw their way to whatever positions they desire. The Aces of Krytenia should top the group, while Random Toast will pull of at least one big upset before all is said and done. Cuation also continues their recent string of qualifying, with another impressive defensive exhibition.

Predicted Finish
Krytenia
Cuation
Vilita
Assegai Developments
Qazox
Quintessence of Dust
Random Toast
Commerce Heights JSY
Cluichstan
Lethislavania

Group Five
Swilatia
Kingsford
Errinundera
Green wombat
The Islands of Qutar
The HURD
Rejistania
Philodox Weltscmerz
Sel Appa
Nebuleux

What a strange group, tree huggers, robots, former convicts, and record erasers all call this place home. The Errinunderans will do something quite impossible and win this group, making the Rejistanians flaming mad by group play end, while Sel Appa gets nipped in the butt as they so deserve. Qutar takes care of their business quietly and makes the Proper once again, beating out Green Wombat. Meanwhile, HURD robots drive the entire group temporarily insane.

Predicted Finish
Errinundera
Rejistania
The Islands of Qutar
Green wombat
Sel Appa
Nebuleux
The HURD
Swilatia
Kingsford
Philodox Weltscmerz

Group Six
Bushes Been Quaked
Oliverry
Casari
Spruitland
Haraki
Wentland
Acapais
Cesibia
Delesa
Turruth Gordur

This group should be dubbed "The Who?" as none of these teams really jump out at you. Sure the Casari and Oliverry squads made it to the Proper last time around, but this group really doesn't look all the dangerous. If one were to pick out a team to watch, it might may very well be the brutish squad of Turruth Gorder and their murderous style of play. Who knows, they could be the next Quakmybush and qualify in their first tournament with ease.

Predicted Finish
Casari
Oliverry
Spruitland
Wentland
Turruth Gordur
Haraki
Acapais
Bushes Been Quaked
Cesibia
Delesa

Group Seven
The Great Monty Python
Milchama
New Montreal States
Rorysville
Tynelia
The Aqua Moose
Bazalonia
Croisland
Magnus Valerius
East Lithuania

Alright, so last tournaments co-host, maybe the worst one in history, and the new World Cup commitee president both call this group theirs, as well as the underachievers of Tynelia. We say that this group plays out nearly as it should, but Tynelia finally get it done, and nip New Montreal States for the final direct qualifier, and make their long overdue trip to the promised land.

Predicted Finish
Bazalonia
Milchama
Tynelia
New Montreal States
Rorysville
Magnus Valerius
The Great Monty Python
Croisland
The Aqua Moose
East Lithuania

Group Eight
Kulikovia
Etres Vais
Geisenfried
Yafor 2
Tessan
San Monticaz
Liverpool England
Starblaydia
Sativaville
Estresse Intenso

This is easily the most predicable group thus far, with two former champs in the group as long as three constantly decent squads. The Purple Peril should get back in form this tournament and just bombard their oppisition with goals, while Liverpool England will be saddled with the England curse of qualifying for the big show and dissapointing when getting there. Geisenfried makes this group happy for the Atlantian Oceania region, as they swipe the final spot away from Yafor 2 and Sativaville on the final matchday. Tessan maintains a steady growth, and has several close calls with the top finishing sides.

Predicted Finish
Starblaydia
Liverpool England
Geisenfried
Sativaville
Yafor 2
Tessan
Estresse Intenso
Kulikovia
Etres Vais
San Monticaz

Group Nine
Turori
Nedalia
Schorteskatascansolani
Commerce Heights
Kericia
Ropa-Topia
Coocoostan
Squornshelous
Altanar
Atheistic Right

The last group has a few interesting characters in it, as well as those wacked out creatures from the ugly island of Turori. It should be an easy group for the Capitilzt Slani side to take, as the Eels and Squornshelous take the other two spots without much pressure from the other squads in the group. A warning to the group though to watch out for Atheistic Right, not for their play on the field, but for what some would call a shady past, with acts of terrorism called into question.

Predicted Finish
Commerce Heights
Squornshelous
Turori
Ropa-Topia
Nedalia
Schorteskatascansolani
Kericia
Coocoostan
Altanar
Atheistic Right

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

It was a wonderful sunny day in the colony of Northern Bettia. Mind you, after lifting the Baptism of Fire trophy, sunny days were in plentiful supply right now. In their barracks just outside the capital city of Anyuna, erstwhile bovver boys Hiro and Massa are pouring over the recently-published fixture list for the upcoming World Cup in their army newspaper.

"'Ere Massa, have you seen this? Have you seen what we've got to put up with in qualifying?"

"Let's see..." Massa says as he snatched the paper. "Ooh, we got Zwangzug again! Our first ever opponents in the Baptism of Fire are now our first ever opponents in the World Cup!"

"No, not that you twat! Look further down."

"Hmmmm.... Ariddia? That's chuffing great, that is - our first ever World Cup and we get drawn against the champions."

"No, try again...."

"What, you mean Fmjphoenix, the chaps that keep thrashing Bettia?"

"No. I'm talking about the Archregimancy."

"Ooh yes. That lot are a bit good, aren't they?"

"Yeah, but have you seen all these rules we've got to play by? Look, in the travel guide there."

1) Each home match is preceded by the complete Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. Rest assured that this should only require visiting teams, fans, and officials to stand for a mere 2 hours before kickoff. Consider yourselves lucky we don't use the Liturgy of St. Basil.

Massa sniggers. "What, their national anthem lasts for two hours? Blimey."

"Yeah mate, but that ain't all. Carry on."

2) We control the nature of reality in the Dreamed Realm (see NSwiki for more details on our region). This isn't used to cheat - all normal rules of football are strenuously followed - but it does have two major side effects:
A) Any injuries to either team in Archregimancy home matches are immediately healed.
B) No violent or riotous behaviour by visiting fans will be tolerated. Any such behaviour will find those responsible immediately transported back to ordinary physical reality.

Massa sniggers again. "They're gonna chuck us out if we try and rush the local crew? Yeah right, I'd love to see 'em try!"

"Uh-huh. But it gets better."

3) Direct travel from ordinary physical reality to the Dreamed Realm is impossible. Some 72 hours before your away qualifier in the Archregimancy, a team of monks shall arrive in your home stadium and construct a portal to the Dreamed Realm. You may then use this to travel to the Archregimancy at your leisure.

"Oh that's not so bad. We don't have to fork out for plane tickets, so that'll leave us more money to get tanked up on the local booze."

"Trouble is mate, the only local booze is red wine... or is that catholics?"

"Red wine? RED WINE?! That's a woman's drink, that is. Bunch of bloody pansies."

"But that's not the worst thing."

5) Women are not usually permitted into the Archregimancy. Exceptions will be made for visiting players and properly accredited officials - largely because we have to - but not for visiting supporters.

"WHAT?!? No women? Well that's no fun. How are we supposed to go on the pull after the game if there's no women?"

"Exactly. What are a bunch of beered-up red-blooded males supposed to do if there's no women? There's only one thing for it." Hiro said as he grabs his mobile phone. "Time to assemble the Yuna Crew, the most fearsome football crew in the NS-World. Matchday eleven, we're off to that there Archregimancy for an Arch-rumble!"


Fixtures / Results


MD..OPPONENT.............VENUE...RESULT
01: Zwangzug.............HOME
02: Cafundéu.............Away
03: Ariddia..............Away
04: Fmjphoenix...........HOME
05: Houersteinzer........Away
06: The Archregimancy....HOME
07: Tanah Burung.........HOME
08: Dance 2 Revolution...Away
09: Algal States.........HOME
10: Fmjphoenix...........Away
11: The Archregimancy....Away
12: Ariddia..............HOME
13: Tanah Burung.........Away
14: Houersteinzer........HOME
15: Algal States.........Away
16: Zwangzug.............Away
17: Dance 2 Revolution...HOME
18: Cafundéu.............HOME

The Enlightener: a new look for a new World (Cup)
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

The Dazza Doorstep Challenge

After a well-earned break from international football and the excitement of their puppet's sucessful Baptism of Fire, the Aroras have been drawn into what appears to be a tough group.

Surely the highlight of this stage will be exactly as it was in the last World Cup as Bettia must once again face Jerusalem, a team against whom they are still seeking their first victory. Their first ever meeting in the first round of World Cup 27 saw Jerusalem come out on top with a thrilling 3-2 win. Three world cups later saw the two teams come away honours even in a much tighter 1-1 draw, whilst the qualifying stages of World Cup 32 saw Jerusalem have a much easier time, bagging a brace of 4-1 wins home and away.

Now, when you mention Jerusalem to any football fan, what do they think of? The World Cup 32 runners-up? Nedalia's great friends (and therefore our friends)? A damn fine football team?

No - assuming the fan you just happen to ask is male, two words will be mentioned more often than not... Dazza Dallas. A woman of whom opinion is split - despite being derided by sports pundits for her apparent lack of real footballing knowledge, the more red-blooded of men see her as a much-needed breath of fresh air in the world of sports commentary, an opinion greatly helped by her being 'a cracking bit of skirt'. However, the more religious minded of us have described her as a shameless harlot, a brazen hussey, a succubus who gives out one-way tickets to hell to any man who looks upon her. Whatever your opinion, Sonastra Sports, part of Bettia's premier television network Sonastra TV, have graciously donated a baby arora to accompany her as she presents the build-up to their first match-up on matchday four.

The rest of the group sees a tough challenge for the Aroras, with Northern Caesarea, Elves Security Forces and Marceau State more than capable of handing out defeats to our boys in green and gold. Bettia's first game is against former giants Lovisa who make make their return to the world stage after an absence of many many years. Bettia and Lovisa first met way back in World Cup 23, with Lovisa winning 2-0 in their own backyard before coming to the Blessed Realm to earn a 1-1 draw. Newcomers Kelssek aren't to be underestimated neither, putting in a number of good performances in the Baptism of Fire before their eventual elimination in the knockout stages.

This world cup sees the Football Association of Bettia taking the decision of holding all of Bettia's home matches in Tiddles Park, the largest of our stadia - officially in an effort of generating consistantly powerful atmospheres in all home games, although some cynics have suggested this is purely for commercial purposes thanks to the larger gate incomes that would be generated.

Whatever their reasoning, Bettian football fans have a good reason to get behind their team, for they are crucial to the FAB's plans to build upon the successes of the past. A vociforous support is often said to be as good as an extra player, and being in a such a tough group, the Aroras will need all the support they can get.

COME ON YOU 'RORAS!

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
01: Lovisa..................Away
02: Bostopia................HOME
03: Marceau State...........HOME
04: Jeruselem...............Away
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME
06: New Propagandia.........Away
07: Elves Security Forces...Away
08: Collonie................HOME
09: Kelssek.................Away
10: Jeruselem...............HOME
11: Bostopia................Away
12: Kelssek.................HOME
13: Marceau State...........Away
14: New Propagandia.........HOME
15: Collonie................Away
16: Lovisa..................HOME
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME

"So herald" King John asked one of his many faceless royal heralds whom he promptly forgot bout the monet after being let out of his royal sight. "Have the invitations been sent?"

"Invitations sire?" the confused herald replied.

Silently making a mental note to have this one spend a few hours on the rack for incompetitence, the King repleid somewhat impatiently "The invitations to Liverpool England and Starblaydia for the post match jousts when they come here of course! Starblaydia no doubt by their name are well skilled in the arts of swordplay and everyone knows the English are well skilled at the knightly arts as well. No doubt they will be thrilled to test their mettle against my own mightiest knights in the land."

'But that was a long time ago i heard sire." the herald began before getting cut off.

"Nonsense, noble traditions such as this are certain to be maintained to this day. Now are there anyone else worthy to join in these knightly combats?" the king demanded

"Well there is Sativaville, we faced them years ago according to the royal records. Geisenfried, they supposedly hosted the last event of this type that you refused...er wisely declined to participate in." the herald began.

"Bah no one worthy there. Oh wait what of this place. Yafor II? No doubt they maintain a royal heritage. Send them an invite as well!" the king declared.

"But i don't think...yes sire." the herald replied with a sigh as the king's eyes narrowed at his first words. "A few other place, your heralds have yet to send emmisaries to, a few spanish sounding places."

"Spainards? Bah they shall fall to my black knights , spaniards are no match for a true and virtuous knight. Enough, begone anbd doi my bidding, its time for my tea." the king declared ending the audience.

MATCHDAY 1/17: MMM, TOAST!!!
Random Toast will be the first side to take on the newly-installed "World's Number One"; this will be a very tasty six points.
Chant of the day: "Mar-ma-lade, mar-ma-lade, naa naa!"

MATCHDAY 2/12: ALIKKI DEFENCE?
Vilita won the world cup once, you know. No, really. Hard to believe now, though, and the men from the Cove might have a hard time qualifying. Especially if the Aces pull out all the stops on Matchday Two.
Chant of the day: "You fill up my senses, like a packet of Tatas, like a night out in Yeaddin, at Nwoko's Bar..."

MATCHDAY 3/13: CLUICHLESS GEARBOX
Cluichistan, apparently. We'll take our six points and be on our way.
Chant of the day: "Who are ya?"

MATCHDAY 4/10: KISS MY ASSEGAI
Assegai Developments are a potential dark horse. We shoot horses, you know.
Chant of the day: "You're going home in a corporate ambulance!"

MATCHDAY 5/14: THE OTHER UCS
Ja Si Yun, the Koreocentric branch of the UCS, are the poor relations of their SLANI brethren. They could cause some surprises; the question, of course, is whether Ja Si Yun can cause a goalfest at the Uberdome like those we are used to from the main team.
Chant of the day: "You're just a small chunk of SLANI!"

MATCHDAY 6/11: DUST TO DUST
Quintessence of Dust, another debutant, could have asked for an easier group. This will be a learning experience - scoring against Krytenia would be an achievement, never mind winning.
Chant of the day: "Give us a Q..."

MATCHDAY 7/18: QAZ PROGRESSA?
Qazox make up the second part of the "Q2" portion of this group. They should qualify, and the matches against the Aces could win them some valuable points. Our big rivals.
Chant of the day: "Where's your Oxen gone?"

MATCHDAY 8/15: CUATION THEORY
Cuation were the surprise team of World Cup 32, but we can smell the distinct aroma of "flash in the pan". Will be fighting with Vilita for P3.
Chant of the day: "Cu are ya?"

MATCHDAY 9/16: IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LETH
Pack your bags, pack your shirts, and pack your inflatable pampas grazers, it's Lethislavania!
Chant of the day: "Llama Harmers!"

GHIL UDOS ALU 'SOHNA
HERE WE GO AGAIN

Report By Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

The Commonwealth Nation of Fort Europe is back for their second attempt at qualifying for the NationStates World Cup and the Commonwealth News team are back to keep you up to date with day by day events as the Commonwealth's top national team engages in open combat once again. After finishing 4th in Qualifying group 9 last time round, just failing to qualify by a single point, Team Manager Stuart Moss is confident that the team will play their hearts out and take the team through to their first ever NSWC Finals. It won't be easy for the hard working team from The YoungWorld region with some reasonable sides forming Group 3 including including Demot who also represent TYW once again.

I don't have much information on the other teams yet, but we will cirtainly be looking out for the likes of Alasdair I Frosticus and Schiavonia who are likely to be up there in the top half of the group. Druida lambasted teams earlier this week when they called their collective opposition weak and lazy, and will no doubt be proved wrong on many occasions during this tournement. Harlesburg has come up against the might of Fort Europe before when they met in the Baptism of Fire and will surely be welcomed back to the Commonwealth Stadium later in the tournement. TYW Derby team Demot will also be received well in Stape, the capital city of Fort Europe, if only until the referee starts the game. Fort Europe has never lost to Demot, having met the team only three times before in competition.

Group 3

Alasdair I Frosticus
Hockey Canada
Schiavonia
Fort Europe
Bartonstein
Harlesburg
The Lowland Clans
Demot
Cookesland
Druida

Fort Europe's team roster and kits can be found at the top of page 3 in the NSWC 33 roster thread, however there is no great changes from the last competition with team manager Stuart Moss feeling the side is at the strongest now that it has ever been.
"The team is fit, enthusiastic and ready to put their all into every game. They have the confidence of a team that performed well above expectations in the last NSWC, and the experience, teamwork and camaraderie that can only be found in a team that plays together week in and week out without major disruption. Now all we have to do is go out there and prove it where it counts." He said in an interview this morning.

The team's top goalscorer Michelle Bishop has also been on top form during the break and after scoring 12 goals in the NSWC 32, added to her score of 10 in the BoF 32, the highest in that tournement, she will be the player to watch once again. No one should rule out her strike partner Karl Isaak though and youngster Josephine Blanchard has also been playing well in domestic football recently. Moss changed the formation of the team at the start of the last NSWC to 5 - 3 - 2 to give extra strength to the defense and hasn't looked back believing the strengths of the team to be far more structured and has provided the team with a good run of clean sheets for which star goalkeeper James West has been most pleased with.

Fixtures:

Fort Europe v Schiavonia
The Lowland Clans v Fort Europe
Alasdair I Frosticus v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Demot
Cookesland v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Druida
Fort Europe v Bartonstein
Harlesburg v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Hockey Canada

Demot v Fort Europe
Druida v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Alasdair I Frosticus
Bartonstein v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Cookesland
Hockey Canada v Fort Europe
Schiavonia v Fort Europe
Fort Europe v Harlesburg
Fort Europe v The Lowland Clans

L'Quellarin d'lil E'et Ssussun orn dro pholor
The Castle of the Eternal Light will live on

CBC Sports News

Hello and Welcome to CBC Sports Show, I'm Milchama Banks reporting live from Coricas, where tonite we've just learned of the matchup up for the 33 NS International World Cup.
It seems we've been plaed in the 3rd group of nations with some tough competion.
I'm here in the studio with the head coach of the Blue Owls, John Andrews, Good Evening John.
Thank you Sirené, its looks like we're going to have a tough battle ahead of us. Well John, who do you think is our toughest competion?
So far it seems The Lowland Clans and Demot are riding as the favorites among the International Community, but we still have the element of stealth on our side.
Yes, well do you think the Owls are up to playing on the International level?
I feel like we have a shot do do really well in this.
We'll bring you the latest updates on the Qu-Ak 33 World Cup and standings, Im I'm Sirené Erised reporting for CBC Sports Hour, Good Night.
The match schedule by day:

Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home - Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away- Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

Group 9:
Turori
Nedalia
Schorteskatascansolani
Commerce Heights
Kericia
Ropa-Topia
Coocoostan
Squornshelous
Altanar
Atheistic Right

Squornshelous finds themselves in a group 9 populated with quite a few familiar faces, and a few newcomers as well. The first name that jumps out on the list aside from our own, is that of Commerce Heights, a name that makes even the most mild-mannered Squornshelan gnash their teeth. Although recently we have enjoyed fairly good results against the Capitalizts, we will never forget our first meeting with them, when our Pschychoes were beaten on penalties in the World Cup 15 final.
Then we have Turori, a team that has always been a threat to qualify, and even enjoyed a brief stint in the global top ten. Squornshelous, however, have never had trouble against the Eels, with three wins and one draw against them all time.
The next nation in our reckoning is Nedalia, who seem to be one of those nations caught in the limbo between 30th and 40th internationally. Always a threat that never seems to come through. We shouldn't have too much trouble with them, but they're not a team to let your guard down against.
Kericia is the next one down the list of Squornshelan reckoning, as we've played them once or twice over the years, followed by Ropa-Topia. They may prove to be stumbling blocks for the top teams, but probably won't manage to qualify themselves.
Atheistic Right are a wild card. They had some experience a few cups ago, and a rather nasty incident involving terrorist activities of some sort. We'll have to keep our eye on them.
The rest of the teams are total unknowns. Coocoostan, Altanar and Schorteskatascansolani (a name that makes pronouncing Squornshelous look easy, hereafter reffered to as the Schorts) are names we've never heard of before, although the Schorts apparantly were runners-up in the Baptism of Fire Cup.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous v Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right v Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous v Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights v Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous v Kericia
MD6: Altanar v Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Stars Reach Top Ten, Still Searching for Manager

GRAHAM CITY - After their brilliant fourth-place performance in World Cup XXXII, the Galaxy now have to move on from the honeymoon. Casey Dellet is gone, and they need a new manager. Rumors have it they would hire Ryley Bloudin, former Portugese captain of the Galaxy, however, those rumors were quickly squashed when he took a job as an assistant manager with Sheffield Arsenal. "I'd love to manage the Galaxy one day, but let me get my feet first. I've never really managed or even coached before. Working with Neil will be a good lesson. After that, we'll see." So after that, no one really knows who is going to manage the squad. It could be Manchester City manager James Collinford, or Chelsea-Battersea's Hunter Davids. No one really knows, but those two are the favorites.

Despite all of this, the Galaxy are now ranked effectively eighth (ninth, but Bedistan is gone) of the most recent KPB rankings, and you can't take that away from the squad. The squad will remain mostly the same this year, retaining all of the staff, and assistant manager Alex Mengies will maintain his position and be in charge of squad until a new manager is found. There is some speculation that Mengies will take over the squad but he's already denied that he's interested in the position. What the Galaxy will need to do to succeed in this group will be leadership from captain Silas McGinney and veterans from the back line. They will need to stick it together and should a new manager come in and change the set up to adapt to the new changes that he would bring in. But for now, blessed with a fairly easy group, should look to qualify, but this squad is still too young to take anything for granted.

Here is QSPNFootball.Net's predictions as to the results of each of the Black Oxen's matches:


MD 1 @ Lethislavania WIN
MD 2 vs. Cuation LOSS
MD 3 @ Vilita LOSS
MD 4 vs. Random Toast WIN
MD 5 @ Cluichstan WIN
MD 6 vs. Assegai Developments DRAW
MD 7 @ Krytenia LOSS
MD 8 vs. Commerce Heights JSY DRAW
MD 9 @ Quintessence of Dust WIN
MD 10 vs Lethislavania WIN
MD 11 @ Cuation LOSS
MD 12 @ Commerce Heights JSY WIN
MD 13 vs Vilita DRAW
MD 14 @ Assegai Developments WIN
MD 15 vs Quintessence of Dust WIN
MD 16 @ Random Toast WIN
MD 17 vs Cluichstan WIN
MD 18 vs Krytenia LOSS
Predicted Record: 10-3-5, 33 pts 4th place Qualify for Play-in

Here's our look at the groups:
Group 1:
Bostopia-4th
Northern Caesarea- 5th
Bettia- 1st
Lovisa- 7th
New Propagandia- 9th
Elves Security Forces- 3rd
Jeruselem- 2nd
Collonie- 8th
Kelssek-10th
Marceau State-6th

Group 2:
Ariddia- 3rd
Algal states- 6th
Zwangzug- 10th
Northern Bettia- 8th
Tanah Burung- 7th
Dance 2 Revolution- 5th
Cafundeu- 4th
Fmjphoenix- 2nd
Houersteinzer- 9th
The Archregimancy-1st

Group 3:
Alasdair I Frosticus- 4th
Hockey Canada- 6th
Schiavonia- 2nd
Fort Europe- 3rd
Bartonstein- 10th
Harlesburg- 7th
The Lowland Clans- 1st
Demot- 5th
Cookesland- 8th
Druida- 9th

Group 4:
Lethislavania- 9th
Qazox- 4th
Cluichstan- 8th
Quintessence of Dust- 7th
Cuation- 3rd
Assegai Developments- 5th
Commerce Heights JSY- 6th
Vilita- 2nd
Random Toast- 10th
Krytenia- 1st

Group 5:
Swilatia- 4th
Kingsford- 6th
Errinundera- 2nd
Green wombat- 5th
The Islands of Qutar- 2nd
The HURD- 7th
Rejistania- 1st
Philodox Weltscmerz- 10th
Sel Appa- 8th
Nebuleux- 9th

Group 6:
Bushes Been Quaked- 7th
Oliverry- 1st
Casari- 2nd
Spruitland- 4th
Haraki- 5th
Wentland- 3rd
Acapais- 10th
Cesibia- 9th
Delesa- 8th
Turruth Gordur 7th

Group 7:
The Great Monty Python- 6th
Milchama- 2nd
New Montreal States- 4th
Rorysville- 5th
Tynelia- 3rd
The Aqua Moose- 10th
Bazalonia- 1st
Croisland- 9th
Magnus Valerius- 7th
East Lithuania- 8th

Group 8:
Kulikovia- 8th
Etres Vais- 10th
Geisenfried- 2nd
Yafor 2- 4th
Tessan- 7th
San Monticaz- 6th
Liverpool England- 1st
Starblaydia- 2nd
Sativaville- 5th
Estresse Intenso- 9th

Group 9:
Turori- 1st
Nedalia- 2nd
Schorteskatascansolani- 6th
Commerce Heights- 3rd
Kericia- 5th
Ropa-Topia- 6th
Coocoostan- 8th
Squornshelous 4th
Altanar- 9th
Atheistic Right- 7th

The following letter was sent to every national football association represented in Group 9 plus the Demot national football association as well.


To Whom It may Concern;

Recent articles have queried Atheistic Right's chequered history from the higher than usual turnover of coaches (particularily during the Baptism of Fire) to incidents surrounding acts of terrorism and apparent acts of murder. We are under no false mis-apprehension that many are doubtful over our new found democracy. However it is clear, in part due to occurances in the old Atheistic Right territory under the control of a Jewish people and the other part recent occurances within the regions AOCAF, that the old regime headed by the insane madman that lead Atheistic Right down that path, The Great Lion, is still active in causing mischief, mayhem and destruction. However Athesitic Defense Force (ADF) personnel are on the case and we will not stop hunting down this madman until justice is served.

Should nations be concerned about the potential of attacks they are welcome to bring their own security personnel and weapons or hire world-class security professionals once here. We hope for a peaceful World Cup but with someone as crazy as The Great Lion still running around, We cannot gaurantee anyones safety.

Yours Truthfully, Leon Green
AFA Chairman

What a head rush. Being drawn into the same group as Jeruselem, Bettia, the Elves, and that Spanishy country. Not even the constant failures of the foreign press to realise that Kelssek's official name is just Kelssek and nothing else, and that if the population was over 6 billion there would be some very serious problems of people losing their balance and falling into the sea, could make dampen Mathieu de Jenken's high. The team could now be massacred by the very best. It was more problematic getting the players to share his enthusiasm at how cool it would be to face a 5-0 thumping against Jeruselem, or abject failure against Elves Security Forces. As he had reminded them conscientiously, this was not the Baptism of Fire anymore.

---
A dark alley in Kirkenes
---

Bob the Bookie inhaled the heady scent of frying garlic as the Italian restaurant next door kicked the kitchen into high gear for the lunch sitting.

"Well, if he isn't gonna pay... let's see. Five hundred twenty-two, was it?"

"And 44 cents, boss." said the henchman.

Bob the Bookie reached for notebook where he jotted down his ideas for punishments of recalcitrant bettors.

"Hmm, well I know you're itching to pose as an insurance salesman and harrass him, but you've been doing it a lot lately and I don't want to devalue it. Let's go for the fish guts treatment."

"Yes, boss." the henchman said, and left to get some fish.

Another henchman entered with a Bookworld shopping bag. "You asked for a football book, boss?" he said, producing a very thick The Incredibly Obtuse Guide to the Nationstates World Cup.

"Good man, Jackson." said Bob the Bookie. "Take it and go batter the guy who convinced me Ariddia was crap at football, then bring it back so I can read it."

"Ooooooooooh.... HELL NO!" Assegai Developments forward Severus Snape slammed down the NationStates World Cup Digest. "Those bastards from Krytenia are already claiming victory over us and have already dictated a chant? Don't they remember what we did to Ariddia in the previous qualifiers, when we were still ranked No. 102? Of course, not. When they're the No. 1 team in NationStates, they earn the right to make pig-headed remarks."

"Calm down, Severus. We're on the air," says Mikaela Eyre trying to assuage the angry young man.

"I don't give a damn if they or any of other opponents hear what I have to say," Snape spouts. "What is this faggotry? 'You're going home in a corporate ambulance!' Blah, blah, blah! I have a message for Krytenia... You're going home in a hearse! Your hubris will be your undoing!"

Mikaela looks at the camera frantically and tries to pat Severus to calm him down. "Severus, seriously... calm down."

"I'm not done yet, Mikaela," he says in a calmer but steely tone. "Don't think I've forgotten that we also have to face our good friends at Qazox... Oooooh yeaaaaaah, bitches. It's on!"

"SEVERUS! Watch what you say on camera!" Mikaela yells at him. Severus, tight-lipped, glares at the camera. He turns to Mikaela and relaxes.

"Sorry, Mikaela, it's just that I'm also pumped up for this friendly we have with Elves Security Forces coming up," he says, now earnestly calm.

"Well, that's what we're here to talk about," she says in a soft voice. "Okay?"

He nods.

"Okay, Severus, this next friendly against Elves Security Forces is more than just a 'friendly,' right?" she asks him.

"When it comes to E.S.F.--even if we're from the same region--there are no 'friendlies.' This is a rivalry that goes back many, many years and which has been celebrated by both sides with the coveted Mythryl Cup, which is currently in our possession."

"Assegai Developments may be the YoungWorld and BraveNewWorld Champions, but in NationStates, E.S.F. has risen to higher ground. How will you deal with their improved performance?" she asks.

"The same way we deal with them every time: we play them hard--tooth and nail from whistle to whistle," he says. "The funny thing is that so many of them are now our teammates on our club teams. But, when it comes to international fixtures, all club allegiance is put aside. I expect them to bring their best, but we won't back down an inch. If we win, we win. But if we lose, it won't be due to shortage of desire, passion or drive."

"What about Random Toast? You have to face another team from The YoungWorld region, how is that going to factor into qualifying?" she asks.

"We really respect Random Toast," he says. "They have always been a decent opponent in our region and we welcome them with open arms into the NationStates world. That doesn't mean we'll go easy on them we face them in qualifiers, but we know that they share the same measure of respect for us that we have for them."

"How do you feel about the chances of E.S.F., Fort Europe and Turruth Gordur, the other three YoungWorld nations in the qualifiers?" she asks, wiping a strand of her red hair from her eyes.

"E.S.F. has been steadily improving over the past decade, and I think they're due," Snape says. "Living in Capri, E.S.F., I've been noticing the increased excitement that the E.S.F. citizens have for their national team, and they expect to advance, but it won't be easy. Personally, I couldn't care less if they made or not. When it comes to Fort Europe, I see nothing but success. Now that is a well-managed, solid team from our region that has quickly made a name for itself. Turruth Gordur... They are our neighbors to the south of Assegai, and they have earned a reputation for a brutal, violent style of play in The YoungWorld region. I expect them to leave many bloody noses, cracked shins and hurt egos before they're eliminated from the qualifiers. Despite their raging fire, they're starting off as minnows on this stage."

"Anything else you want to add, Severus?" Mikaela asks him.

"Yeah," he says, raising a fist. "Assegai Rising!"

"Live from the Assegai National Team headquarters in Quakmybush, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off for now. Have a good night, Assegai!"

===
===

Upcoming Fixture

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png Elves Security Forces
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Group 4:

Lethislavania
Qazox
Cluichstan
Quintessence of Dust
Cuation
Assegai Developments
Commerce Heights JSY
Vilita
Random Toast
Krytenia




Liz Kitten: Hi, this is Liz Kitten reporting from the World Cup 33 draw. Random Toast have been given a tough draw. They are in group 4, which has already being dubbed 'The Group With Some Quite Good Team In It'. The only team that Toast FC have met previously is Assegai Delevopments, who of course they have played in the Brave New World Championships. Assegai, who of course, are very strong domestically have come out on top 3 times to the toasts 1, although Toast can take heart in the knowledge that the last two meetings have ended in draws. I managed to get a word with Toasts backup goalie, Ashley Munsen. So Vinegar Hands, what do you make of the draw?

Ashley 'Vinegar Hands' Munsen: Its a tough one. Assegai are more experienced than us at this level and should be pushing for qualification to the next stage. As for us, we will be taking each game as it comes and try to pick up as many points as possible.

Liz: Thanks Vinegar Hands, and good luck with your upcoming matches. And now back to the Toast TV studio for the Annual Worm-a-thon.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/Stadium16.jpg

Live from the Commonwealth Stadium

"This is Aby Watcher reporting live for the Commonwealth News Service from the Commonwealth Stadium in Fort Europe's capital city, where the national side are in training ahead of the qualifiers for the thirty third NationStates World Cup. Three seems to be a popular number this year with the team going into qualifying group three for their third official tournament on the NationStates stage after competing in the thirty second Baptism of Fire, and World Cup tournaments just last cycle. In a moment we will be talking to midfielder Gemma Lloyd and team manager Stuart Moss but first lets get a run down of the first two opposition teams to face Fort Europe in group three.

Lets start with Schiavonia who are the first team of the qualifiers to travel here to the Commonwealth Stadium when the tournament kicks off. One of the more experienced teams in the group they will be a tough challenge. Schiavonia may have fielded a young side in the last World Cup, but four of their cycles later the side have gained both age and experience with an average age of 28. We expect them to struggle to find stamina in the later stages of their game. For their second match Fort Europe fans will have to travel to the Lowland Clans, probably the best of the competition in group three and the team everyone will want to beat. This nation it seems has taken influences from various Earth nations to develop their football which surprisingly includes the strange combination of both England, Scotland and Cyprus. The Lowland Clans have done well in this competition in the past and will be expected to ease through the qualifying stage.

Now we are joined by team manager Stuart Moss and Gemma Lloyd. Stuart what exactly are you doing to improve the team ahead of this tournement after doing so well last time?"

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't give you too many details on that at the moment Aby as I like to keep a firm lid on the tactics we'll be using out there, but let me assure the fans out there that we are training hard for the coming tournement as well as the forthcoming International League in the YoungWorld and are positive that we can do well against anyone we are drawn against. We still have a long way to go Aby and I don't think we will win the cup this time, but we will give it a damn good try."

"Er right, well that answers my next question as well... There has been a lot of speculation in the media from other teams about your chances of qualifying once again, are you willing to respond to some of those comments?"

"Well Aby, as you know I take a keen interest in what our opponents are saying about us, particularly those in our own group, and most seem to be saying very positive things about us. We have a strong squad again this cycle and they can see that, we may not be the best out there but we are certainly up there and we're only going to get better too. If I had to guess, I'd say that there are a lot of teams out there who are not looking forward to playing against us in this tournament and to be quite honest I don't blame them."

"Gemma, you've had a chance to see the teams you'll be playing against out there, can you tell us anything about how the team have reacted to the draw?"

"Not too well I'm afraid Gemma, it seems that there are very few teams with decent kits yet again. We spoke to a few of the teams that we played in the thirty second world cup, and some of them have taken our fashion criticism to heart in time for this tournament, so I guess we'll have to work our magic with these teams as well. I mean look at the Schiavonia home kit, it's disgustingly orange, it's worse that the Random Toast's kits and thats saying something... though Schiavonia's away kit isn't too bad I guess. We held a vote last night in the bar and general consensus is that The Holy Empire has the worst kits in our group so deserve to receive a thrashing, while the Lowland Clans kits rated the best amongst the team. I would comment on Demot's kits but I have some friends over there still and don't want to upset anyone."

"Erm, okay. That wasn't exactly what I meant Gemma but it will have to do as we are running out of time. I bid everyone a good evening and I'll will be back tomorrow with more news from the Fort Europe national football team as they build up to the thirty third NationStates World Cup. Bwael Tangisto."

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI • 0.10 g Au • 136–01–07
In Soviet Russia, hosts vote for YOU!

Sports: Rivalries abound in World Cup 33 draw
REVENA, QUAKMYBUSH—Today, at the Quakmybush National Ampitheatre in Revena (not Rêvane), World Cup Committee officials announced the groups for World Cup 33 qualification. The draw includes several notable rivalries for both Capitalizt teams, as well as some names that will look strangely familiar to SLANI fans.

Capitalizt SLANI’s opening competitive match is against a new team from Schorteskatascansolani, a nation which, according to legend, is descended from the people of Ακήλα (Akḗla). They then face back-to-back matches against Turori, whom they have met in the last two cups, and Squornshelous, who are seemingly still bitter about the penalty-kick ending to the World Cup 15 final. Another team who are familiar to the Capitalizts is Ropa-Topia, whom they also played in World Cups 31 and 32. The other notable team in the group is the Nedalia Lions, who played the Bedistan Lions in all of their last three qualification campaigns, and the two Bedistanis on the Capitalizts’ roster will continue that tradition in the absence of the BFA.

Another tradition that will be continued this Cup is the Battle of the Überdome, this time with the top-ranked Krytenia Aces taking on 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn). Though it seems likely that there will be the normal quantity of goals, they probably will not be spread as equally as in the past. Other tough teams in the group include Vilita and Cuation, who will likely be the main competitors for the qualification spot that the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) have their sights set on. This group also features the return of Lethislavania, who are remembered by some for hosting World Cup 21 along with Cockbill Street.
Full schedules on page 2

—————

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI Schedule
MD00: vs 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) (Unity Stadium, International City [75 000])
MD01: vs Schorteskatascansolani (Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt [127 202])
MD02: at Coocoostan
MD03: at Turori
MD04: vs Squronshelous (Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시 (Sokojito Dosi) [400 552])
MD05: at Altanar
MD06: vs Atheistic Right (Drakcorp Stadium, Querzakhi [84 067])
MD07: vs Kericia (Aeropag Olympic Stadium, Aeropag [107 596])
MD08: at Ropa-Topia
MD09: vs Nedalia (CDA Stadium, New Seoul [173 205])
MD10: at Squornshelous
MD11: at Atheistic Right
MD12: vs Turori (Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시 (Sokojito Dosi) [400 552])
MD13: at Kericia
MD14: vs Altanar (Anaphase Alchemy Stadium, Sonoma Center [81 067])
MD15: at Nedalia
MD16: at Schorteskatascansolani
MD17: vs Ropa-Topia (Capitalizm, 유포 (ʼYupo) [161 803])
MD18: vs Coocoostan (Keto Olympic Stadium, 케토 (Keto) [65 535])

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/JSY/ 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) Schedule
MD00: at Capitalizt SLANI (Unity Stadium, International City [75 000])
MD01: at Vilita
MD02: vs Quintessence of Dust (Keto Olympic Stadium, 케토 (Keto) [65 535])
MD03: at Assegai Developments
MD04: vs Cluichstan (JPL Paladin Stadium, Port Lusambo [128 400])
MD05: at Krytenia
MD06: at Lethislavania
MD07: vs Random Toast (Drakcorp Stadium, Querzakhi [84 067])
MD08: at Qazox
MD09: vs Cuation (Capitalizm, 유포 (ʼYupo) [161 803])
MD10: at Cluichstan
MD11: vs Vilita (Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시 (Sokojito Dosi) [400 552])
MD12: vs Qazox (CDA Stadium, New Seoul [173 205])
MD13: at Random Toast
MD14: vs Krytenia (Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시 (Sokojito Dosi) [400 552])
MD15: vs Assegai Developments (Aeropag Olympic Stadium, Aeropag [107 596])
MD16: at Cuation
MD17: vs Lethislavania (Auswärtssieg Arena, Natestadt [127 202])
MD18: at Quintessence of Dust

Feature interview from the McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) New Statesman.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/NewStatesmanMasthead.gif

THE ARCHANGEL SPREADS QUER WINGS

The stratospheric career of the angelic, genderqueer rosaniel continues to rise and rise. Quer achievements just keep piling up: three times winner of the filthyl medal for fairest and best in the Premier League; top scorer in the league on four occasions; the only player to win the leighm medal twice for fairest and best Errinundrian in world cup matches; and three times the top scoring Errinundrian in world cups. Que has been captain of the Milosis White Guard for a decade now and coach for half that time; and captain of the national team in the last world cup and re-appointed for the current series. Now que has just been named as coach for the World Cup 33 campaign, following the sudden illness of the highly respected withare.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Angel993.jpg

We managed to spend some time with rosaniel just before que flew out with the team for the opening game of the World Cup against Green Wombat.

MBNS: At last we can interview a coach of the national team. withare was notoriously difficult to interview.

rosaniel: That was his style. He was a fantastic coach. I only hope I can be half as good as him. We were derby rivals (withare with the Kingfishers and rosaniel with the White Guard – ed.) and he had, without doubt, the sharpest tactical mind of any coach in the Premier League. Replacing him as potoroo coach is a great honour but, really, the job belongs to him.

MBNS: Do you mean that?

rosaniel: When the EFA contacted me after withare’s brain haemorrhage I made it clear to them that I was only filling in for this cup. If he wants to coach the team in World Cup 34 the job is his as far I am concerned.

MBNS: What if the potoroos win World Cup 33?

rosaniel: Until 2 weeks ago the team was his. It is his baby. I’m just baby sitting. If we win it will be due to his preparation and to the performances of the team members.

MBNS: You join a very illustrious band: filthyl, fionar and withare. All have stellar records.

rosaniel: Don’t forget awb. He may have coached the ill-fated World Cup 26 side but the problems weren’t of his making. They were due to the corrupting tendency of private sponsorship and the fickle nature of business. He was actually a very astute coach. He now has a consultancy role at the National Football Academy. It’s good to see him honoured at last.

MBNS: He seems to have forgiven Errinundera for the treatment he received after that series.

rosaniel: keok (WC26 squad member and WC30 captain – ed) tracked him down and brokered a rapprochement. It was worth it. awb has brought new ideas to the Academy.

MBNS: Do you expect to depart from the trademark withare game plan with the midfield players given tremendous latitude in how they play the game?

rosaniel: I am endeavouring to add more defensive skills to our midfield game. It is one area where we could definitely improve. The second round game against Jeruselem last cup showed us up. We weren’t able to put scoreboard pressure on them and when they got on top of us we lacked the defensive skills to hold them back. It’s an underrated skill – the ability to stop your opponents from scoring when they are outplaying you.

MBNS: Any other worries about the team?

rosaniel: I wouldn’t call it a worry but, with the exceptions of denticulatae and ragle, none of the defenders in the squad have previous World Cup experience.

MBNS: The goalies – evolu and owiavi do.

rosaniel: For sure. We will be depending on whichever is playing to keep the defence working as a unit. They are both great on-field leaders.

MBNS: And strengths?

rosaniel: Our commitment. Our speed and stamina as well. But definitely our commitment. Until we played Jeruselem we hadn’t met a single team that played as maniacally as us. They also matched us in stamina and then blew us away with their skill. Since the last cup we have been working to bring up our skill levels. If can maintain our commitment and our madness we can go further then we managed in the last two cups.

MBNS: Do you think you will? How far do you think you can go?

rosaniel: Our ranking has gone up from 31 to 20. Whoever has designed the rankings thinks we should make it to the first round but proceed no further. With even lower rankings in the previous two cups we made it to the second round each time. To answer your question, we have set our goal to make it to the quarter finals.

MBNS: What do you think of the qualifying draw?

rosaniel: It suits us. We are ranked second in the group. The top team, Rejistania, don’t hold any fears for us. We have beaten them on all three occasions so far. They seemed to have developed a major antipathy towards us. I hope that means they are more competitive than their last effort. (Errinundera won 3-nil at Liberation Stadium in McKillops Bridge – ed.) The really curious team for me is Kingsford. I checked the records. Errinundera played them way, way back in its first ever qualifying series – World Cup 5 – and won 2-nil. Like us they dropped out of the World Cup after winning the trophy. I wish them all the best. It’s hard to come back and start as a minnow when you have such a proud history behind you.

MBNS: You are off to Green Wombat.

rosaniel: Yet another hellhole. Yet another military dictatorship. At least they have wombats. Green ones to boot. I imagine their wombats make more sense than their military commanders. They are ranked 38 in the world and, no doubt, are a real show to go to Quakmybush or Az-cz. Teams like Errinundera stand in their way and I’m sure they will be pumped up when they play us.

MBNS: Your own form?

rosaniel: Well, I’m not as fast – leg speed or reaction time – as I was back in World Cup 30 but I’ve got a lot more smarts. My personal goals are to be the leading scorer in the team again and to win the leighm medal again. I’d have to be very lucky, of course, but I always set the bar very high for myself.

MBNS: There are some very good players in the team who will give you a good run for your gumnuts.

rosaniel: For sure, we have 2 great strikers in adicksonia and lyseup. I think lyseup will shine in this cup – watch out for her. In the midfield matherosperma is a beautifully balanced player. He is very underrated. I’d put him on par with his great, great grandfather. (moschatuma, high praise indeed – ed.)

MBNS: What about the White Guard?

rosaniel: We’re very confident about the Premier League this year. Teams go through cycles and we now have the best team since I joined them. There’s some other very good teams who will be thinking the same about themselves: Monkeytop United, of course. Also Ootopia Forest and Bonang. The Premiership should be won by one of the four, including ourselves.

MBNS: You don’t include the Kingfishers.

rosaniel: The McKillops Bridge era of dominance is over. They are on the way down. I know they have won four of the last six titles but last season you could see they were falling back to the rest of the field. Since then more of their champions have retired. And, they will miss the coaching of withare, whether they admit it or not. Just as the potoroos will miss him.

MBNS: That takes us back to where we started so, on that note, thanks for your time, rosaniel.

rosaniel: You’re welcome.

Team for the next match (gender, club, age, position, WC experience):

rosaniel (gq, Milosis, 33, striker, WC30, 31 & 32, playing captain / coach)
adicksonia (m, Ellery Camp, 32, striker, WC30, 31 & 32)
lyseup (f, Bendoc, 29, striker, WC31 & 32)
matherosperma (m, Forest Shining, 31, midfielder, WC30, 31 & 32, deputy vice-captain)
zirza (f, Rodger River, 28, midfielder, WC31 & 32)
matthieug (f, Delegate, 25, midfielder, WC32)
nykeo (f, Mount Ellery, 24, midfielder)
denticulatae (m, Goongerah, 30, defender, WC30, 31 & 32)
ragle (f, First Creek Falls, 26, defender, WC32)
ininggu (f, Forest Shining, 24, defender)
evolu (f, McKillops Bridge, 33, goalkeeper, WC31 & 32, vice-captain)

Substitutes

carltu (f, Mount Ellery, 25, striker, WC32)
matthieug (f, Delegate, 25, midfielder, WC32)
urumi (f, Bola Mine, 24, defender)
uiliod (m, Milosis, 23, defender)
owiavi (gq, Deddick, 29, goalkeeper, WC31 & 32)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Green Wombat.png

Like the rest of the team, he was surprised to be there. They'd arrived a bit early in Yafor 2 in preparations for the first match of World Cup 33 qualifying. But then, they had unexpectedly been asked for an impromptu friendly by members of the Yafor 2's squad. They had accepted, for some reason that he'd forgotten thirty minutes afterwards. And so, they now found themselves in the Kiera Central Dome. The only crowd for the match was the stadium maintenance crew, as the game had never been announced to the public. They had been cleaning up the stadium on an off day, and had to unlock everything when they were asked to host the game. Both teams had agreed to use subs, so as to preserve the starters for the upcoming game.

The game started quietly enough. Eventually though, Geisenfried got its opportunity when Paul-Andre Ozdinc sent a cross to Erich Metzger, which he immediately sent rocketing past Fazini Nafizad to make it 1-0 for Geisenfried, eliciting boos from the parts of the maintenance crew who had bothered to watch. Another opportunity similar to the first one came up only slightly later in the game, but this time, one of the young Yaforite defenders, Klientar Loverado, tried to intervene. However, insteading of heading away the cross as he intended, the ball ended up deflecting off of his face and towards the goal, getting past Nafizad to make it 2-0 off the own goal. Later on, Ozdinc found one more opportunity to get it to Metzger. Loverado once again had to chance to intervene on the cross, but failed to, not wanting to have the intervention turn against him once more. But that allowed Metzger to blast it in once more for 3-0, where it stayed until the teams got tired of playing.

As the team was once more back in their hotel, the players talked among themselves for some time about the match, some who had played lamenting that it would have been more fun if the Yaforites had bothered to play their starters, as well as some other bits of bragging, while he, the new captain, Wolfgang Genz, had gone around reminding everyone not to be overconfident, reminding them that it was more or less a meaningless game, and that the Yaforites would try and play harder next time and be prepared for the game that counted. But all in all he was glad in what he had seen from his team.

And he couldn't help but think about how far he could go with this bunch.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png Geisenfried 3 - 0 Yafor 2 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png
Metzger 18', Loverado 42' (OG), Metzger 64'

The following is a tiny article in the Keiora Herald, the newspaper that runs for the suburb of Kiera.

What was that?

Welcome to Kiera. It is a small, rather unpleasant, barely populated piece of land that is, if the rumors are the to believed, to be bulldozed soon and turned into park, a place for the elderly, and a rehabilitation center for those who need it. The Kiera Central Dome is to be the heart of this new vision and after the performance yesterday, it is difficult to see why this idea is not a good one. Kiera, in a purely sporting sense, is a bad choice of dwelling, as well. The stadium in which the game was played hold a third division LIDYT team with declining numbers of supporters, a monetary base that is so far in the red that even drawing even seems like a dream, and management that plans to sell team, once a buyer is found. Idiocy seems to be the only requirement for an owner. Perhaps they should try Zyante Meleherat.

It was the mad idea of the teenage striker to have a "warm-up" game with the Geisenfried Golden Eagles in preparation for the regular game. He decided that this would be a "good way to include the substitutes" in what seems to be becoming "the most fearsome rivalry since Sarzonia and Krytenia". All that can be concluded from this is that either Mr. Meleherat has an overinflated sense of his own talent (which he does), an ego the size of the deficit that we lost by (which he does), and a brain that is lacking in brain cells (which he probably does as well). It is surprising that Lisa Simpson, the Jeruselem manager who has been a wonder for this team, or that the Geisenfried manager, Nicolas Hausen, accepted the deal. But maybe they wanted to prove the stupidity of the young striker?

The game was to be played in Kiera Central Dome, which was unfit for any sort of game. the LIDYT season is looking as bad as it usually does for the Kiera team, and the stadium maintenance crew were there - taking out seats to be sold on auction. They were intrigued to see a game go on and thus became the only fans to see what was one of the most ignominious defeats that the Golden Wolves have faced - the worst since the 6-1 thrashing by Schiavonia in the Cup of Harmony final, some time ago, some people are saying. Is it really surprising? This was a substitute team made up of older, more experienced, out-of-shape, players, along with several young hotheads like Mr. Meleherat. Hopefully, some of them learned their lessons.

The game began and it was almost like a scrimmage. Neither side was honestly exerting itself - except for Mr. Meleherat, who repeatedly took mad, out of range shots at the Geisenfried goalkeeper, Wilmar Hertzsch, over the constant admonishment of the other forward, Kimiran Yahakov, who was consistently open. It was in the eighteenth minute that the Golden Eagles struck, with an excellently placed cross and a skillful finish, past the third-string goalkeeper, Fazini Nafizad. The second goal was on a similar play, except with a different scorer. It was an own goal, by Klientar Loverado, another Under-21 player on the team. It bounced embarrassingly off of his face and thence into the goal. It was a display of the grace and skill of our newer players.

Mr. Loverado, fresh from his disgrace, then failed to act on another cross in the sixty-fourth minute. It, too, was put into the back of the net. In the end, the Golden Eagles walked off the field, chatting, joking, and taunting their beaten opposition. The Golden Wolves looked angrily at Mr. Meleherat. In the end, it was barely a game and more a humiliation. Vanity is a sin, it appears.

As we roll into this first match, which will be at home in Anila City Stadium. At last report tickets are still available and should be at the door. The match is against Nebuleux, who the Turtles played twice in the World Cup 31 Qualifiers. Both were wins for Sel Appa: 3-0 and 3-1, and we expect a similar scoreline for this match. Nebuleux is infamous for sending the controversial referee Pierre Martin to the previous set of qualifiers. He gave out many cards that sent off top players, such as Estevez and Arthur Mercator. Our prediction for this match is 3-0, two by Estevez and one by Mercator.

With 18 matches, there will be plenty of chances to rack up points. The motto of these Qualifiers happens to be "Get Points", an optimistic lookout. The Turtles are looking at a good host of groupmates to play, with some interesting matches. On the third matchday, we play Qutar at Turtle Stadium. Most tickets have already been sold because of the previous controversy, however it is expected some will be available at the door.

In other news, the Ministry of Sports has announced that a Minor League for Basketball will be created. Basketball enjoys mild popularity in northern cities and a similar sport is popular amongst the Natives. The Ministry has also created the Basketball Conference of Sel Appa, the lower level organization type. Other conferences are tennis and cricket, which also enjoy moderate popularity. Football and hockey are the only federations, which is the upper level organization type.

Elven Times
Mythril Stays in Assegai

Well it was just a friendly, but when the Marauders and Riskbreakers get together, it is not truly a friendly affair. The squad was confident that they would reclaim the Mythril Gauntlet from their hated rivals, and display it ever soo proudly in the Hatire Memorial for the duration of the qualifiers, but the Assegains would not let them have that enjoyment. Instead, the Marauders will have to endure the qualifying campaign without the trophy for the seris that they so magnificently made, which will stay in the ugly display that Assegai has it in.

The game had a surprise start, as Kiso Night made a start in place of Great Leader Tobias, making that the entire front line being a family. Zacharius and Kyla, the parents of Kiso, were obviously proud of this moment, and shed a few tears before the start of the match. With the stadium packed to capacity, the majority of it in navy and white, waving banners with the crossed swords or some even with the new coat of arms, the Marauders took the action and kept it in the Assegai half of the field. Constant and Cuellar worked the left side of the Assegai defence over several times in those opening minutes, with Constant finding Kiso as he broke free from Rosencrantz and gathered the ball. Having but seconds to make a choice, the youngster decided to test the keeper early with a hard, low shot to the corner. Yoshida read it well, and made a great dive and had gotten a touch to the ball, but the poor guy had Durai run in front of him as he tried to clear the ball. The ball went straight up into the air, and Kiso dove headfirst and connected deftly as it decended, sending it blistering by Yoshida.

The majority of the game was spent in the midfield, each one shading over the other, trying to find that advantage to get into the opposing third. Neither could find it for the rest of the half, despite the amazing energy the goal provided for the home side, and was looking like it wouldn't be found in the second either, as the score had remained one nile with only two minutes left and injury time. That's when the Assegains got a lucky break, Florez and Constant collided going up to head away a goal kick by Yoshida. As the fell to the groud, Samantha Neesa was able to get the ball in stride, leaving her one vee one with St. Louis. She used a spiffy little fake to the left to get Martin off his guard, and the broke hard right and slotted it past the diving keeper to equalise the affair, and keep the Gauntlet in Assegai for the time being.

The team now will travel to New Propagandia to start the qualfying campaign, and will look to show the sophmores just what this tournament is all about. This ough to be an easy match with lots of goals, so get your tickets now before they are sold out.

Article by Luna Santapa

L'DRAEVAL WHOL ULTRINNAN AUN
THE TIME FOR VICTORY APPROACHES

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

With the kick off to the thirty third NationStates World Cup qualifying phase lying just hours away Stuart Moss has publicly announced his team for Fort Europe's opening match against Schiavonia. We have yet to hear word from the Schiavonia camp so I won't speculate on what their line up will be but their aggressive attacking style could work against them as other teams have found to their detriment in the past. Schiavonia are ranked nineteenth going into this tournament and are no strangers to thrashing lesser teams. Fort Europe's fans however remain confident that their team will be able to hold out and drive the opposition back into their own net. The Fort European fans have come out in droves as expected with the 120,000 all seater stadium sold out as usual and only 20,000 tickets offered to the opposition's supporters. It should be no surprise to anyone that people from all over the Commonwealth are already turning up here in droves, camped outside the stadium including the traditional supporters band, and there are also no surprises in the team picked by Stuart Moss.


Squad:

GK - James West
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Aki Haddon
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Ryan Holmes (C)
MF - Mia Nevola
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Tim Forrester
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Andy Fletcher
AF - Josephine Blanchard

Globo Multimedia – Special Coverage of the Cafundelense NT in the World Cup Qualifiers

BRENO GAVIÃO – “Uaaaaarrrhhh! Welcome to our first program. You prrrrrobably don’t know me. I’m a football commentator called Brrrrreno Gavião, the most famous of Globo Multimedia’s channel. Many people don’t like me, they say that I shout everytime and like to expand all the rrrrr letters that I speak, but this is my style. Today I’ll interview the coach of the National Team, Franz Brrrrraddock. Good night, Mr. Brrrrraddock.”

FRANZ BRADDOCK – “Er... good night, Breno. I’m happy to be here to comment about the World Cup.”

GAVIÃO – “Thanks for coming. Let’s start talking about Cafundéu’s group in the qualifiers. After the incredible qualification in the last cup, when Cafundéu defeated the highly-rrrrranked Spaam, Andossa Se Mitrrrrrin Vega and The Mice of Miceland to secure a place in the World Cup, even being the number a hundred and four in the rankings that time. Now, with the thirrrrrty-seventh best team in the world, things can be easier? Before yourrrrr answer, let’s see the grrrrroup, in ranking order”

BRADDOCK – “Before showing, I would like to remind you that this ranking aren’t official, as the teams that participated in the Baptism of Fire doesn’t have any ranking, and because of other off-field problems.”

Ariddia (2)
The Archregimancy (16)
Fmjphoenix (25)
Cafundéu (37)
Dance 2 Revolution (41)
Algal States (69)
Northern Bettia (BoF)
Zwangzug (BoF)
Hoursteinzer (BoF)
Tanah Burung (NR)

GAVIÃO – “Make some comments about our opponents, Brrrrraddock.”

BRADDOCK – “Let’s start with the strongest ones. First is Ariddia, a country that has very good relationships with us. Many of their players play in our rich teams, and as starters. They are the champions, and surely it will be difficult to defeat them. The favourites of the group. Then, we see The Archregimancy, another country with good players, another team that we have to work hard to beat. Maybe we can took some points against them, who knows? Fmjphoenix is another strong opponent, but we played against them in the World Cup when we were a weaker team and got a point. Now we are able to take at least three points at home. Dance 2 Revolution and Algal States are teams that can take points from us, so we need to be cautious. Tanah Burung has some history, so we can have problems too, as with Northern Bettia. I don’t see difficulties in playing the other two teams.”

GAVIÃO – “You talked about Northerrrrrn Bettia. They are the Baptism of Firrrrre champions, that’s why you think that your team needs to be cautious?”

BRADDOCK – “No, it’s not because of the Baptism of Fire. They made a good campaign, but the champion isn’t ever the best team. Remember when we lost to Dumania? We finished in the second place, but we qualified to the World Cup, while they ended their National Team and aren’t participating now. I saw the Baptism of Fire and can tell you that they’re strong, but not because they won the Baptism of Fire.”

GAVIÃO – “What do you think about Estrrrrresse Intenso’s campaign in the Baptism of Firrrrre?”

BRADDOCK – “Impressive. They are our main rivals and I was happy when they lost. But I must admit that they have an impressive team.”

GAVIÃO – “And about Arrrrriddia and The Archrrrrregimancy, do you think that we can defeat them?”

BRADDOCK – “Ariddia is very difficult, so I’m not certain. The Archregimancy is a strong opponent too, but maybe we can win points against them.”

GAVIÃO – “And Fmjphoenix?”

BRADDOCK – “We can defeat them. I think that we can get the third place and they’ll finish in the fourth.”

GAVIÃO – “About the squad. You made few changes, but the return of Rrrrrrrrrrenário, my favourite player, and Metir are good signs.”

BRADDOCK – “Yes, it’s good to see them fit. All our players are ready to do their best and make Cafundéu qualify again.”

GAVIÃO – “Thanks, Frrrrranz. Soon we’ll release our prrrrredictions for all grrrrroups, so wait for us!”

CAFUNDÉU’S GAMES:

MD01 – Fmjphoenix – Cafundéu
MD02 – Cafundéu – Northern Bettia
MD03 – Dance 2 Revolution – Cafundéu
MD04 – Cafundéu – Zwangzug
MD05 – The Archregimancy – Cafundéu
MD06 – Ariddia – Cafundéu
MD07 – Cafundéu – Houersteinzer
MD08 – Algal States – Cafundéu
MD09 – Cafundéu – Tanah Burung
MD10 – Zwangzug – Cafundéu
MD11 – Cafundéu – Fmjphoenix
MD12 – Cafundéu – Algal States
MD13 – Houersteinzer – Cafundéu
MD14 – Cafundéu – The Archregimancy
MD15 – Cafundéu – Dance 2 Revolution
MD16 – Tanah Burung – Cafundéu
MD17 – Cafundéu – Ariddia
MD18 – Northern Bettia - Cafundéu

Home games stadiums:

MD02 – Terreno da Vitória, in Abadia (Cap. 80,000)
MD04 – C-Eletronics Stadium, in Astari (Cap. 80,000)
MD07 – Arena do Imperador, in Lux (Cap. 60,000)
MD09 – Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor (Cap. 76,000)
MD11 – Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (Cap. 100,000)
MD12 – Toca do Tatu, in Central City (Cap. 65,000)
MD14 – Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta (Cap.120,000)
MD15 – Presídio, in Carandirú City (Cap. 75,000)
MD17 – Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta (Cap. 120,000)

The CCFM also announced that the first kit will be changed. The vertical stripes will be substituted for horizontal stripes.

LANDAU INSTITUTE’S OFFICIAL NOTE

In a short note, the director of the Landau Institute, Doctor Rogério Landau, wrote some things about the groups and about Estresse Intenso’s games. Here is them:

Group 8:

Kulikovia – new team, we think that we can defeat them

Etres Vais – a Baptism of Fire team, we can defeat them too

Geisenfried – a strong opponent, we have few chances of winning points against them

Yafor 2 – another team that will give us lots of troubles

Tessan – complicated one, maybe we can get some points

San Monticaz – we destroyed them in the Baptism of Fire

Liverpool England – argh!

Starblaydia – argh twice!

Sativaville – we can try, but defeating them will be very difficult

Estresse Intenso – that’s us

So, we think that we can finish this group in the sixth position, depending on Gabalán’s form and our performance in the games.

All our home games will be played in Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis, the capital city of Estresse Intenso and Landau Institute’s headquarters.

Doctor Rogério Landau

Konigseifert Chronicle
The World Cup Calls Once More
Standard preview edition, this time for WC33

Just a couple years ago, people watched in celebration as red and black confetti rained down in Crown Stadium, as World Cup 32 came to a close with the final match decided and a new champion born. Mind you, the red and black was for Ariddia, not Geisenfried, but citizens felt ecstatic all the same. Now that the celebrations are long over and a new World Cup is ready to begin, this time held by the nearby nations of Az-Cz and Quakmybush. And being the hosts no longer means we don't just get a free ticket to the cup.

However, from what the groups have turned out, it looks like the tickets will be relatively cheap. Along with the nations of Starblaydia and Liverpool England, Geisenfried stands out in Group 8 as clearly a cut above the rest of the group. But regardless, we'll give you a quick overview of everybody anyway.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png
Yafor 2
MD1: @ Yafor 2
MD16: @ Brandt Valley Dome, Berens
These guys are the typical "stuck on the line" team, rarely ever managing to qualify (they managed it in WC30) but still always a threat. However, from the looks of things, the gap in strength will be a bit too much for them to overcome. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt though, and will say that they're probably the best other team in the group, and will probably end up in the playoffs for the last 3 World Cup spots.
Prediction: 4th, entrance into WC33 by playoff

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kulikovia.png
Kulikovia
MD2: @ Crown Stadium, Konigseifert
MD11: @ Kulikovia
The home opener is against your average unranked team that you see every World Cup. And while some unrankeds look special (like we were, once) they don't seem to have any big redeeming qualities. Battle for the cellar for them.
Prediction: 10th

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Estresse_Intenso.png
Estresse Intenso
MD3: @ Wilhelm Romm Memorial Stadium, Bischoff
MD13: @ Estresse Intenso
Another new, but much better team. Having impressed in the Baptism of Fire and taking third, they'll be ones to watch for. Hey, their neighbors Cafundeu managed to knock off Spaam to get in the World Cup last time after a second in the Baptism of Fire. We can't afford the same mistake. We think they'll impress, but need a bit more experience before they see the World Cup.
Prediction: 5th

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Liverpool_England.png
Liverpool England
MD4: @ Liverpool England
MD10: @ Haimuller Coastal Coliseum, Haimuller
Finally, we come to the big guns. Liverpool England was once part of the big three that dominated tournaments, along with Starblaydia (who also happens to be in this group) and the recently retired Bedistan. Though they've disappointed as of late, they're never one to underestimate, and are always a strong team to face.
Prediction: 3rd

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Etres_Vrais.png
Etres Vrais
MD5: @ Neumann City Stadium, Neumann
MD17: @ Etres Vais
Team that was so-so in the Baptism of Fire, not particularly bad, but didn't exactly accomplish anything either. Appears to have a near identical flag as Liverpool England for some reason. But they can't imitate their strength, and will likely fall near the bottom.
Prediction: 8th

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tessan.png
Tessan
MD6: @ Tessan
MD14: @ The Old Castle, Dohmen
A team that seems to be stuck in the lower side of the midranks, the only thing they've become particularly famous for was the authoring of an amazing literary peice by an Archregimancy monk describing Tessan nearly defeating The Archregimancy. Will probably underperform.
Prediction: 7th

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/san_monticaz.png
San Monticaz
MD7: @ San Monticaz
MD18: @ Crown Stadium, Konigseifert
Will be our opponents for the home finale. They were sloppy in the Baptism of Fire and will likely be one of the cellar dwellers. Can't say much else about them.
Position: 9th

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png
Starblaydia
MD8: @ Konigseifert Athletic Arena, Konigseifert
MD15: @ Starblaydia
The other big gun, Starblaydia is one that always seems to be on top of the crowd. Part of the Football Triumvirate of Starblaydia, Bedistan and Liverpool England of the late World Cup twenties mentioned earlier, they always seem to perform well and be a contender for the cup. Always a good match to watch.
Position: 1st

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sativaville.png
Sativaville
MD9: @ Sativaville
MD12: @ Mueller Football Stadium, Mueller
Another one of the perennial midrankers, they tend to underperform rather than make big upsets, and have failed all their attempts to get to the World Cup. Doesn't look to be much of a change this time.
Prediction: 6th

While we're at it, we'll show you our picks for the rest of the divisions to make it forward into the World Cup.

Group 1:
Bettia
Jeruselem
Elves Security Forces

Group 2:
Ariddia
The Archregimancy
Cafundeu
Fmjphoenix*

Group 3:
The Lowland Clans
Schiavonia
Alasdair I Frosticus

Group 4:
Krytenia
Vilita
Cuation

Group 5:
Rejistania
Errinundera
The Islands of Qutar

Group 6:
Casari
Oliverry
Spruitland
Wentland*

Group 7:
New Montreal States
Bazalonia
Milchama

Group 9:
Squornshelous
Commerce Heights
Turori

From the desk of Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad:

So... Our first match has us facing some whelps known as Delesa. It doesn't matter if they haven't submitted a roster or anything. We're going to punish them. I've instructed my players to physically batter them into submission. They will rue the day they had to face Turruth Gordur. In fact, we shall make an example of them--that the rest of the NationStates footballing world may see the brutality, the unabashed ferocity of our brand of football. And, oh yes, we will win!

The Crimson Blade

Riskbreakers Maintain Dominance Over Elves

Despite facing a stronger Elves Security Forces side on neutral ground, the Riskbreakers of Assegai Developments maintained their dominance over the Elves in a 1-1 draw that added yet another chapter in the illustrious rivalry that has become legendary in the BNW and YoungWorld region.

"It's always tough to face the Elves," admitted Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot. "They are are biggest rivals and having to play them is always a thrill. We know they'll never hit the field and offer a half-assed game. By the way, it was a bit of an honor to watch Kiso Night score his first international goal. He's going to be quite the superstar in years to come."

With the draw, Assegai retains possession of the Mythryl Gauntlet, symbol of the rivalry shared with E.S.F., which has now remained in Assegai for quite some time.

"The Mythryl Gauntlet isn't going anywhere for quite some time," chirped Assegai forward Samantha Neesa. "It's right where it belongs--with us!"

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png Elves Security Forces 1
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

[ESF]
Kiso Night (6')

[AD]
Samantha Neesa (82')

Assegai Prepares for Showdown with Cuation

Despite not knowing exactly what roster Cuation will field for in the first qualifying match against Assegai, the Riskbreakers are preparing for anything.

"We've had to face teams like that in the past, and its always very annoying for us to show up prepared with our rosters and our equipment and the other team doesn't even have the decency to provide a roster sheet or any word on whom will represent them," said Assegai forward Sidney Losstarot. "It's quite unprofessional if you ask me."

Having never faced Cuation before, but realizing what a threat they represent, the Assegai players conducted two-a-day practices in the days leading up to the big game.

"Win, lose or draw, nobody can say we weren't prepared for this match," Riot said. "We're going to take it Cuation and slam them hard."

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cuation.png Cuation
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Mikaela Eyre Reporting.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v465/mriggs17/CoocoostanskySport.jpg

Ibix fall to highly-polished Blueleafs in lopsided affair

Ibix fans couldn't help but leave Kirkenes' Skydome dissapointed, after the national football side fell to our Kelssekian neighbours 2-0. The loss isn't to be taken entirely at face value, as the Kelssek team got into the tournament early enough to play in the "Baptism of Fire", a tournament for first time nations. Ian Sinclair had himself a marquee day, putting a long shot that wouldn't stop bending at 26 minutes, a free kick at 40 minutes and then one off the bar at 63 minutes. Karim Ishmail saw 10 shots in goal and many others that just missed, as eventually, the Aubrey FC keeper had to leave the match 8 minutes from time, as he was clearly exhausted. After the long and dissapointing campaign he had with his club team, where he seemed to be the only one trying every match, he is almost absolved from blame.

Besides Ishmail and his substitute Ruslan Kolinko however, the Coocoostan side looked flat and disorganized, even considering it was their first time together compared to the BoF quarterfinals for Kelssek. With Squornshelous and the Capitalizt Slani of Commerce Heights awaiting in matches one and two, one can clearly see the need for sudden improvment. Viktor Ragudin quickly shuttered up his players, leaving only Striker Sergei Petrov to take the rap. "We didn't play well at all, that's true. But it is only our first match, so there's a bit of wiggle room. Still, we won't use that as an excuse and we'll definetely train harder for the next match."

The Ibix could probably use a reminder, that this is hardly the Wajax Wanderers or Aubrey FC, these are some of the world's best and as the saying goes, to beat the best, you have to be the best. If the Ibix don't make progress in that direction soon, this could become an embarassment.

Tickets for the match V. Commerce Heights are on sale through SuperTicket with the match scheduled for National Stadium in Coocoobad.

Demot Daily ~ Breaking the Clans

It's predicted to be a sunny day tommorow as the Dynamo prepare for their first big test, and indeed their first match in the qualifiers. The mighty squad of The Lowland Clans are coming to town, and the Dynamo are not intimitaded in the least. This confidence has come from the squad being able to knock off two number one ranked squads in the previous two tournaments they have entered, Qualifiers for World Cup 32 and the AOCAF that followed. Their victories over Starblaydia and Squornshelous have installed a great deal of pride and confidence in these lads and lasses, and they have that "can do" attitude that seperates the best from the rest.

"We are here for two things, and two things only. We are here to qualify for the Proper again, and we are here to earn the respect of the footballing world. These other media sources are having Demot finish as low as sixth, having the relatively newcomers of Fort Europe qualifying ahead of us. No disrespect to the Europers, having played them a few times and know how well organized and talented that association is, but they are not ahead of us on this stage. I do think they have a good chance of making the Proper, likely on the play in, but they will not finish ahead of us in the group. So those other media outlets can continue to crticize and downplay our previous successes, but we are here, and we are here to win." the spirited captain of David Masteron was quoted in an interview with Luna Santapa of the Elven Times over in the ESF earlier.

So let's be truthful here for a few minutes. Truthfully, the Dynamo will be lucky to keep it close or get a draw if the Clansmen are on their game. The Dynamo do have a tendancy at pulling upsets, but it is usually towards the middle and latter part of the play when they have gotten into their top form. Seeing this, I'm not one to say that on the return trip that the Dynamo can't topple the Galaxy at home, but let's be realistic here people. The Dynamo, while certainly a good team in their own right, can not simply defeat a top ten team in the world when the oppisition will likely be on their top game, we not. We didn't have a prolonged training camp before this campaign, and that will hurt us. So go on mighty Dynamo and take it to the Clansmen with all you have, disproving me and the many other media that predict a fall, showing your mettle when it matters the most.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

RP Cutoff for MD1

The Schiavone Scribe
Hard Fort Victory
Fort Europe 1-2 Schiavonia

Schiavonia unconvincingly edged past Fort Europe in their opening World Cup 33 match, with the ever-improving home team showing their worth for most of the game before eventually buckling under the Schiavone attacking force.

The game was remarkable for the surprisingly large amount of Schiavonia fans in the stadium, as twenty thousand Schiavones somehow managed to bring their party over to the game, compared with the usual small yet constantly celebratory group in orange and dark red that follow the Sloths around most of the time.

Most fans were expecting a close game, and that's exactly what we got. For the most time, the hosts were in the lead, after taking the lead on 27 minutes, as Tarquin Freud decided that, rather than passing to a player in an Orange and Dark Red shirt, he'd rather lay the ball off for Katherine Keller. Stupid thing to do, really, as she played the ball straight back past the confused Freud to an onrushing Karl Isaak, who slotted the ball past Chris Howard with ease.

Schiavonia continued to look unconvincing, especially Freud, who seemed to keep slipping over at inopportune moments and putting pressure on his team.

With fifteen minutes to go, Freud came off, to be replaced by Matthew Tilda, and suddenly, Schiavonia looked solid again. Firstly, an otherwise ineffective Will Caine whipped a free-kick in for Tilda to head home a debut goal. Then, with time running out, a scramble in the penalty area saw Colin Chester do his usual trick of being in the right place at the right time, and all the hard work that Fort Europe had put in was undone.

A somewhat harsh result on Fort Europe, although a Schiavone performance reminiscent of old, far too relaxed for their own good. I mean, there's taking it easy, then there's being disrespectful. As much as it hurts to say, but this performance was verging on that. Tony Tarmey will definately be looking to change that before the players from the Dreamed Realm come to the KFS on Matchday Two.

Final Score
Fort Europe 1 (Isaak 27)
Schiavonia 2 (Tilda 79, Chester 89)

USS UNBOI ALUST, DRAA UNBOIN RATH
ONE STEP FORWARDS, TWO STEPS BACK

Fort Europe - 1 - V - 2 - Schiavonia
@ The Commonwealth Stadium, Stape
Attendence: 119,987

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/016.jpg
Schiavonia players celebrate after the game.

Report By Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News

No one could complain with the outcome of this very even match though Fort Europe fans will go away disappointed that they didn't get more out of the game. The Schiavonia side impressed as they took control of the game early on and were unlucky not to score in the opening minutes, but it was the home side who opened the scoring just before the half hour with a Karl Isaak strike from just inside the eighteen yard box which tucked into the far corner just out of the outstretched Chris Howard's reach.

The second half saw an increase of tempo as Schiavonia tried desperately to claw their way back into the game and the introduction of fresh legs by both sides though seemed to change the course of the game in Schiavonia's favour. Unfortunately for the Fort Europe defense, Schiavonia pushed their players forwards late on and finished the game with not one but two wonderful goals. The first, headed home over the top of West's out flung arms from a free kick by Matthew Tilda in the seventy ninth minute, and the second came just five minutes later as a great move down the left wing produced a cross which caused a scramble in the penalty area somehow connected with the boot of Colin Chester who struck the ball into the top corner. Schiavonia collect all the points from the Commonwealth Stadium and Stuart Moss will be left wondering how his team could have done better against such strong opposition.

Elsewhere in the Qualifying stages, our YoungWorld allies and rivals also performed well with Demot giving the mighty Lowlands Clan a five goals to two thrashing that neither side will be forgetting in a hurry while both the Elves and Assegai doing well away from home. The surprise of the day however fell into the hands of those Burger Van boys, Random Toast who put three past Krytenia. As for Fort Europe, they'll be hoping to use this as a learning opportunity and no doubt aim to improve their play when they travel to the Lowlands Clan for their next qualifying game.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

7 - James West
6 - Floe Peltsten
6 - Murphy Lee []
7 - Aki Haddon
6 - Gemma Lloyd
7 - Katherine Keller
8 - Ryan Holmes (C) []
7 - Mia Nevola
6 - Vicky Princess
7 - Michelle Bishop
9 - Karl Isaak (27)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Tim Forrester
- - Shaun Pearson
6 - Andy Fletcher (On for Princess (60))
6 - Josephine Blanchard (On for Bishop (75))

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/020.jpg
Karl Isaak picks his target

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/021.jpg
Colin Chester in action

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/033.jpg
Ryan Holmes sees yellow

---

Congratulations Schiavonia, not only a good win, but you managed to post just before me too causing me to rewrite my post. Hope you like the pics.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-0 Algal States http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/stromboland.png

First match puts Ariddia temporarily on top

The Rouge-et-Noirs, the defending Champions in this competition, are off to a good start and at the top of group 2 at the close of the first day.

The “red and blacks” are lacking some of their best players from the last Cup, but goalkeeper Xavier Xu was as skilled as ever, helping Ariddia remain the only team in group 2 not to concede a goal on the opening day. The tall, thin Asian Ariddian – who plays for Dunboors FC in Cafundéu – is considered by many to be Ariddia’s best active football player.

Ariddia welcomed the Algal States to Darras Olympic Stadium, near Rêvane, and, in front of an excited home crowd, began their attempt to defend their World title. Algal States were by no means an inexperienced opponent, and it was not until the thirtieth minute that the opening goal was scored, by Sébastien Lescrit. The Algal States came close to equalising six minutes later, but Xu stopped the ball superbly, and the Ariddian counter-attack led to a 2-0 lead by half-time, with a goal by Keshet Zandberg.

Two more goals – by an already experienced Trevor Komu, now finally among the starting eleven, and by new team captain Chloé al Safi – cemented the Ariddian victory. When it was clear that the Rouge-et-Noirs were going to win, new coach (and former player) Yves al Jahdali switched in two brand new players, who were wearing the red and black suit for the first time. Thomas Dargeau and Myo Thet Myint thus obtained a fairly brief taste of what it is to take part in a World Cup match.

“It’s an encouraging start, of course,” al Jahdali said afterwards. “We’re going to keep on training hard, and never make the mistake of under-estimating any opponent.”

In the same group, Cafundéu defeated Fmjphoenix 3-1, and the Archregimancy beat Houersteinzer 2-0.

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.11

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Kevin Stump, Sir Duncan Short, Mr E Jeffries, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Mr L Vercotti (observer), Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were approved.

The Financial Officer reported that there were no profits from the previous month as NH had used them up with a reverse-charge call from Haraki.

EJ proposed the issue of a contributions holiday for the pension scheme, seconded by the Shade. His Lordship expressed the view that a pensions could not go on holiday as it was an abstract concept. EJ explained the issue of a contributions holiday as being a period of time whereby the FA could hold off payments whilst the Scheme had a surplus. DS asked if a recent actuarial valuation had taken place and whether there was indeed a surplus. EJ stated that only the recent triennial valuation had taken place. DS asked about the actuarial assumptions used to verify the mortality tables and EJ said that they were probably very good. DS suggested a pensions expert be invited to the next meeting. The Chairman asked whether this was a formal motion and should it wait for AOB. EJ said he was withdrawing his own motion and the withdrawal was seconded by the Shade. On a vote IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that the withdrawal be approved.

CJ stated that the Borrowbrook church bells had stopped ringing. On investigation it appeared that someone had taken the clappers without the vicar's permission. NH stated that he had seen some unusual wind chimes in CJ's garden and CJ said that they were his wife's idea. CJ stated that all further activities in relation to the church bells could therefore be stayed and IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that debate be adjourned sine die, pro tem.

A request from the Marfield FA was considered for a new whistle as the new pea that had been sent was the wrong size. IT WAS RESOLVED (4-2, remainder abstaining) that a letter be sent to the Marfield FA asking them about the size of the pea required. (Action: EJ)

KS proposed that a new card be introduced to go between the yellow and red. KS explained that a red card was a serious sanction that could affect the game and that there was room for a "halfway house" card for technical offences that were not directly harmful but which meant that a player would be on a really final warning. The Chairman asked what colour of card KS has in mind and he suggested green. The Shade said that green could lead to confusion as the player receiving the card might think he had what one might call a green light to commit the said offence again. The Shade proposed black. The Chairman thought that this might cause confusion with the black card procedure with the Financial Observation Office particularly in the Stock Exchange league. NH proposed an orange card and IT WAS RESOLVED (5-2) that this be adopted on a trial basis in a willing county FA. EJ is to write to the FAs seeking a volunteer (action: EJ)

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland beat Haraki by four goals to two. A vote of huzzahs was given for NH and IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that the FA huzzah NH. NH offered details of the match but the Chairman was asleep.

Miss Widmore looked at her typed minutes. She was quite pleased with them and resolved (1-0) that she would present them to the meeting straight away. Fortunately the board was still in session as no-one dared disturb the Chairman to see whether there was indeed AOB or to call the meeting to a halt. That Mr Hacker was a nightmare, though, he kept pinching all the biscuits, sending messages on his strawberry and guffawing.

“Good morning to everyone in the Armed Republic of Assegai Developments, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Cuation, where just moments ago, the Riskbreakers began their quest for NationStates World Cup XXXIII with a huge 2-1 upset over No. 15-ranked Cuation.

“However, YoungWorld brethren Random Toast, making their NSWC qualifying debut, pulled off the biggest upset in the history of NationStates, defeating No. 1-ranked Krytenia 3-1, sending their nation into mass hysteria. Their victory served as the icing on the cake for the huge celebration that has erupted all over Assegai in the wee hours of the morning.”

As she finishes, a group of Assegai supporters behind her begin chanting.

“A WORD OF CUATION! A WORD OF CUATION! WHEN YOU MESS WITH ASSEGAI, IT ONLY MEANS ONE THING FOR THEE! A CATASTROPHE! CATASTROPHE! CUATION CATASTROPHE!”

She turns to laugh.

“Assegai didn’t waste any time in getting on the scoreboard in this one, scoring in the 3rd minute, leaving the Cuation players stunned throughout most of the first half. Assegai team captain and midfielder Ashley Riot dragged the ball past two Cuation midfielders and chipped a shot behind a wall of Cuation defenders and in front of a streaking Severus Snape, who slammed the shot past the keeper low to his right for the goal.

“The Riskbreakers maintained this control over midfield, which belied Cuation’s high rank and expectations from their supporters and football pundits. Assegai kept applying pressure in the midfield, driving toward the goal several times without result, until forward Samantha Neesa dribbled through the legs of a Cuation defender on a one-on-one and danced around the charging keeper to tap in Assegai’s second goal in the 65th minute of play.

“Cuation came to life after this second goal, however, and began playing with more urgency. However, their goal in the 90th minute was too little too late and moments after the restart, the ref signaled the end of the match, setting off a huge celebration on the field with Assegai players rushing off the bench, and in the stands, where small pockets of Assegai supporters danced and chanted in their seats.”

She turns to her left, where Riot is standing with a towel over his head.

“Ashley, Assegai dominated Cuation—a very strong team—during most of this match. When did you sense you could exert your will on them?” she asks.

“In the first couple of minutes, to be honest,” he responds “I noticed they were taking a lackadaisical approach to the game, and I urged my teammates to push them a bit more. After that first goal, they just played into our hands. However, I did notice that after the second goal they became frantic. We wish we could have shut them out, but they’re pretty strong and it was only a matter of time before they broke through. Good thing for us it was in the 90th minute.”

“What’d you think of Random Toast’s upset over No. 1 Krytenia?” she asks him.

“My goodness…that was awesome, wasn’t it?” he gushes. “I mean, what a way to make your debut! That’ll put a dent into Krytenia’s ego. It also shows the quality of our football in The YoungWorld region.”

“Wow…and now you have to face Random Toast in your next game,” she says.

“Yep…that’s going to be an incredible game,” he says with a smile. “Nothing like a good ol’ intra-region game to get things cooking, but with these ingredients, it’s going to be a footballing feast!”

The fans behind them begin chanting again.

“RANDOM TOAST! RANDOM TOAST! RANDOM TOAST PROVED KRYTENIA IS OVERRATED! NOW IT’S OUR TURN TO SERVE RANDOM TOAST WITH KRYTENIA JELLY!”

“Those guys are nuts,” says Riot laughing.

“Well, fans, that’s all for now,” says Mikaela. “See you next week, when Random Toast pays a visit to refurbished Cathedral Park, which now seats 75,000 fans. Until then, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cuation.png Cuation 1
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

[CUA]
??? ???? (90’)

[AD]
Severus Snape (3’)
Samantha Neesa (65’)

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/random_toast.png Random Toast
@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai.

Trefor woke up. Another school day. The grey skies outside the window just made getting out of bed an even harder task than it already was.

Eventually, he struggled out of bed and went straight downstairs, still in his pyjamas. "Mam," he groaned, "Do I have to go to school today?"

"Of course you do, Trefor. You'll never learn anything if you don't."

Trefor's mother switched the radio on. However, all that came back was interference.

"That's funny. Usually the news at this time."

She flicked along the dial. Nothing.

"Trefor, put the TV on."

He did so. Nothing.

"Nothing's on, mam."

"I can see that. Try a foreign station. Like AONews."

Trefor flicked over.

"And the main news today, the government of Hockey Canada has collapsed. The nation is in turmoil, as those inhabiting it end up with nowhere to go. Reports are still sketchy at the moment, but it is reported that Druida is already offering itself as a safe haven for anyone who wants it. More if and when we get it."

"So what does this mean, mam?"

"It means... get packed, Trefor. We're going home."

OOC: Sorry about getting in with te Schia RP so quickly. Liking the graphics! :)

Cluichstani Fans Respond to Loss by Kicking Puppies

Following their national team's 2-0 loss to Quintessence of Dust during World Cup qualifying, fans of Cluichstan's Steamed Crabs stormed the streets of the Quintessential capital, showing their displeasure over the result by kicking every puppy in their path.

http://www.tombraider4u.com/puppy-pictures/puppy-picture01.jpg
A victim of the violence in the Quintessential capital following the match, Casper is recovering but still traumatised by his experience. When contacted for comment, he said, "Woof."

Cluichstani fans have long had a reputation for misbehaviour, especially following a friendly last year in Remba (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=88), after which Steamed Crab supporters torched the host stadium.

This latest incident comes despite assurances from the team's manager and Cluichstan's minister for sport, Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich, that the history of misbehaviour by both the team and its supporters were a thing of the past. In a statement following the incident, the sheik downplayed the incident, saying, "Look, at least this time it was just kicking puppies. It's not like the whole stadium got burned to the ground. Plus, my boys didn't impregnate any Quintessential women whatsoever!"

The Steamed Crabs' next match in the qualifying round will be against Lethislavania, to be held at Palpatine Road in Cluichabad, Cluichstan. Puppies are being told to stay indoors.

BZZZZZZZZZT...

“Are we on, yet?”

“Yeah... go go go!”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

An image flickers on screen, a bit fuzzy at first.

The young reporter flicks a strand of dark hair from his face.

“The Empire of Turruth Gordur got off to a disappointing start in their NationStates World Cup qualifying debut, losing 0-2 to Delesa, a team which hadn’t released a media guide, much less submitted a roster,” says the reporter. “As you can imagine, Turruth Gordur manager Gorgol ‘The Butcher’ Harad is livid at this moment. We managed to get a few of his comments before he tossed us from the Turruth Gordur dressing room, where he is currently reading his players the riot act. Roll the tape, please…”

The image flickers a bit. The Butcher, a massive bulk, sits behind his desk. He is practically smoldering.

“Let us look at what just happened...hmm...? We just faced the minnows of Delesa, which didn’t even care to release a roster sheet...AND WE LOST TO THEM! If it wasn’t for Gorbag’s timely saves, the team would be facing the gallows now! Losing like that… What is this mess? How can we lose 0-2 to those idiots from Delesa? Trust me... the team felt the sting of my whip for that loss—all of them. I won’t tolerate losing like that...EVER!”

He slams his fists onto the table several times, cracking it and sending stuff flying off the desk.

“Well, then. Next, we’re slated to face Cesibia, a nation which doesn’t even exist anymore! It doesn’t matter who they bring. We shall crush them as easily as a boot crushing an ant. I expect my team will win. Nothing else but victory will be acceptable. Now… GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE! GET OUT!”

The image flickers again and we see the reporter flicking a strand of hair from his face.

“This week, Turruth Gordur prepares for the supposed visit of Cesibia, a nation which, as you heard, doesn’t even exist anymore. It seems that Turruth Gordur will get the 3-0 win by forfeit. Nonetheless, all tickets have already sold out,” says the reporter. “We’ll be there to bring you the complete—“

BZZZZZZZZZZT

“...eems they have zeroed in to our signal...”

“end transmission...”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Game Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/delesa.png Delesa 2
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 1

[DEL]
??? ???? (23’)
??? ???? (77’)

[TG]
None

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur
vs.
???????????????????????????

World Cup Qualifying – MD1

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cesibia.png Cesibia : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
1:3 (1:1)


Match Report:

Cesibia – After a very disappointing 5-0 loss to Starblaydia in a friendly, Acapais defeated Cesibia 3-1 in Acapais's first World Cup Qualifying game in Acapan history. With stellar performances by Salazar and Van Savage, Acapais was able to fight off the Cesbian defense.

The match started slowly as the competing nations took a good twenty minutes to get a feel for one another. After some comfortable saves from Dickenson in the first half hour, Oscar Van Savage’s cross to Dom'onic Duke broke the dead lock with a near post header to beat the Cesbian keeper. The Cesbian keeper had his work cut out for him in the last 15mins of the first half with three brilliant saves. A bad pass from Nandy in the Acapan third led to an unassisted goal for Jones. Team went into the looker room with one goal a piece.

The second half started with a very quick pace and it did not take long for Van Savgae to volley Salvador Salazar’s cross for the game winner. Jose sealed the victory for Acapais with a close ragne, far post shot. Twelve thousand miles away in Acapais, Acapans rejoiced as their nation won it’s first World Cup Qualifying match in history.

Scoring:
Acapais – Duke (Van Savage) 31
Cesibia – Jones (unassisted) 43
Acapais – Van Savage (Salazar) 54
Acapais – Jose (Murphy) 86

Booking:
Acapais – Robicheaux (caution; Reckless foul) 15
Acapais – Nick Mckellar (caution; Reckless foul) 46+
Cesibia – Edwin (caution, Reckless foul) 53
Cesibia – Fu (caution, Reckless foul) 66

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 56
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (15 - Graham Atwater) 61
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose (12 - Samuel Haun) 87



-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais MD1 Report

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Recently, the qualifications for the 33rd world cup have started, and Swilatians were going wild as for the first ttime in a while, Swilatia has entered a team into this tournament, and everyone was hoping that the team will qualify, as the old Swilatian team never managed to something like that, always being a few places off from how high they needed to be if they were to qualify.

Unfortunately, it is not likely, as the team is not too experienced, and the Swilatian team is off to a bad start after losing their first match, against the team from Kingsford, 1-3 . Swilatian fans were angry, and after the match, there was violence around the Union Centre stadium, in which the match happened. The fans were particularily angry when Mikołaj Rycerski, who scored Swilatia's only goal in this match, was given a red card just 10 minutes into the second half, even though he deserved it, as he injured a Kingsford player, slide-tackling him from the back.

The fans were then thinking like it would make an automatic lose for the Swilatian team. One even complained "who's going to score the goals now??". Of course, fans are always going crazy when something bad happens for their team, such as how Cluichstan fans were out kicking puppies because their team lost. Kingsford was alrady winning 2 -1, and although this is unfortunate, Swilatia's defense is widely considered to be terrible. When we were watching this match, we thought that the best thing that could happen for the Swilatian Team is a draw.

Some fans have already gotten over this event, but the nation is still worried about their team's qualifying attempt, as the next match is against Errinundera. A win against this team is even less likely. It is possible, though. Philodox Weltschmerz, which is also new to the tournament, just beat the Rejistanian team, one of the best in the world, 3 - 1. Swilatia's fans are hoping something like that will happen in the match against Errinundera.

Final Score: 1-3

Elven Times
Propagandia is Everywhere!

Well, this certainly is a surprise, but when compared to the other upsets of the round, we should be fortunate that the Marauders were not another side to be toppled by a weaker side. In all truth though, the Propagandia squad did play decent enough for the result given, but the referee ultimately cost the Marauders the additional two points they were striving for in this match, that have many of their supporters simply scratching their heads, wondering if this is a sign of things to come. The nation will hold its breath hoping not, at least until the conclusion of the next match.

The match was entertaining to say the least, each side making some nice runs in the begining of play that really opened up things abit for the scoring that would come later. One particularly nice run was made by Cuellar as he had stripped his mark near the half way line and was able to get through a diving defender for a clear break away on goal. The Propagandia keeper was ready for the task, and made a great stop on the hard shot to the corner, doing well to hold it.

In the thirty-thrid minute, the squad was able to string some passes together to infilitrate the back line, leaving Zacharius unmarked in front of goal. All Tobias had to do was lob it to him, and the captain would put the squad up, but his mark got a leg on the ball as he hit the cross, and sent the ball curling towards the net. The keeper was in horrible position for the deflected shot, and could only hope his dive got their in time, but the sudden rush of air out of the stadium knew that he had been too slow to react, as the Marauders did a jig in the corner, inticing the booing from the hostile crowd.

The squad had thought they had gone up by a duce before the half, but the fourth official had called the play offside. When looked at during half time, it was clear that Cuellar had been onside when Constant sent the through ball to him. After which, he was able to out run his defenders, and put a soft but efficient strike in the low corner, leaving the keeper helpless. Luckily for the Propagandia squad, the referee crew once again got the wrong call against the Marauders, which is becoming a growing trend in the qualifiers.

However, the squad didn't let that error blow the wind out of their sails, as they came out of the locker room refreshed and ready to strike at the hearts of their foes. And strike they did, with Kyla capitalizing off a beautiful cross from Tobias, that just seemed to float to her, with the lass knocking it in with a beautiful siccor kick. That strike is one you will be seeing time and time again on highlight reels for years to come, and might be the pose in which she will be enshrined to the Hall of Fame in.

Things seemed to point to a Marauders victory, and the squad began to let off the gas in the final fifteen, this would prove to be their downfall. One of their strikers had put a hard shot that St. Louis was able to handle with little fuss, and had sent the throw to Florez. However, as she turned to push the ball further up field, when their striker came rushing out of nowhere, and shot the ball before Florez could swing her leg, and the shot went sailing into the top corner, outside the reach of the nimble Martin. The squad still felt confident despite the goal, with only a few minutes left to go in the match. The Propagandia squad sent everything at the backline and the line seemed to hold. However that is when the ridiculous of most ridculous calls came from the ref. St. Louis had made a spectacular save a minute into the two minutes of injury time, when the ref called it a goal. The call absolutely stunned the crowd and squad, as it was clear that the ball never even touched the line, much less crossed it. Then the corrupted ref called the match as Cuellar was preparing to launch a shot on an open net. The Elven Footballing Association has already stated that they will be filing a complaint against this referee, in hopes that he be banned from officiating in future qualifying matches.

Fortunately for the Marauders, they get to host the fresh from the Baptism of Fire squad from Kelssek in their upcoming match. The Kelssekians are getting ready to be honored by a agitated Marauder squad that will be looking to take out their mighty frustrations after the improbably draw and screwing by the refereeing crew on the new squad. Expect no mercy from the squad, as they clobber the Kelssekians from start to finish.

Elves Security Forces 2
Tobias Raynor (33)
Kyla Night (47)

New Propagandia 2
??? (78)
??? (90+)

Article by Luna Santapa

East Lithuania Draws In First Match 0-0.

Today, the East Lithuania national team played Magnus Valerius and drew 0-0. The Keepers on both teams did a great job handleing the preassure coming from the forwards and keeping their repective shutouts.

The first half saw East Lithuania starting off in control. A couple shots came from the young Sabastion Torres, yet the keeper from Magnus Valerius stopped them all. Once MV got control of the ball, they attacked hard. Luckily, Jibreel Weaver's experiance was able to help him stop the shot attempts.

The second half was differant whereas midfielder Jonah Scharff was challenged hard and twisted his ankle. He tried to continue, but with the match being at it's 85th minute, Couch Discolo decided to substitute him for Mark Sell. Scharff is expected to start for the next match.

"We're hoping that the next match will be more goal filled." exclaimed Couch Discolo. "I'm happy with Weaver and his efforts today. Hopefully he'll keep this effort up for the rest of the series. If he can do that, and our forwards can have better oppertunities... we can win a lot of matches."

East Lithuania is schedualed against Croisland, who lost to Bazalonia 1-4.

[Lyle] Hello! And welcome to Matchnight Bostopia, I’m Brian Lyle! Tonight, we’ll be bringing you extended highlights from Bostopia’s match tonight against Northern Caesarea; along with highlights from last weeks Two Nil win over Sel Appa. We’ll then be bringing you highlights from other games within Group 1, then taking a look at some of the bigger games from other groups, including Liverpool England’s visit to Starblaydia.

But first, to Ty Avery and Byron Conway in the commentary booth, in the Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png versus http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_caesarea.png
BOSTOPIA NORTHERN CAESAREA

[Avery] Here we are again, another World Cup Qualification, another packed Bostopia Stadium! 105,000 fans, 85,000 of which are Bostopian, ready and waiting to get today’s game kicked off. I’m Ty Avery, and next to me, is Byron Conway.
[Conway] Thanks Ty, well, first, let’s take a look at Bostopia’s formation for today’s game.

As usual, Bostopia is playing the 4 – 4 – 2.

Dave Kripp in goal, with Neill Freat on the left of defense, Gary Young and Manfred Harrick across the centre with Irringvale Borough’s Craig Hart at right back.

On the left of midfield is Rob Kripp, with Andy Perrar and Captain Steven Serring in the centre, and Dan Reppon starts as our right winger.

Upfront is Glenrock Athletic’s Ian Kraft, scorer of the first goal against Sel Appa last week, and Jamie Trent, Fenton FC’s star striker.

The TV cameras show the players in the tunnel

[Serring] Come on lads! First chance for glory!

The players exit the tunnel, and the TV footage skips forward to the kickoff.

[Conway] And it’s Bostopia to kickoff, Trent to Kraft…who shoots from kickoff! And it’s been easily caught by the goalkeeper.
[Avery] Well why not, Byron, I mean, he did score against Sel Appa that way.
[Conway] That he did, and that’ll be the last time the Sel Appan keeper will decide to salute the crowd while kick-off is taking place.
[Avery] The look on his face though…
[Conway] That was a marvel. Anyway, back to today’s action, Serring, passes the ball back to Young in defence…

--- 16th Minute ---

[Avery] And another Northern Caesarea attack breaks down. Bostopia’s defence is playing superbly against a side ranked way higher than them in the world.
[Conway] I’d say so, you know, Bostopia are ranked only 75th, and while we may be arguably the best team in the UFR, we’re nowhere near the top on the international scale.
[Avery] Does your heart say different?
[Conway] As does yours.

--- 23rd Minute ---

[Conway] And the defender’s cleared that one, and it’s picked up by Freat on the left side halfway inside Bostopia’s half. He comes forward with the ball, and passes the ball past an opposition player to Perrar, who passes it back to Freat who’s now in the N.C. half, plays the ball forward to Kripp, Freat’s tearing down the left flank and has a high through-ball played just infront of him, Freat crosses to TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT! ONE NIL BOSTOPIA! JAMIE TRENT WITH A MARVELLOUS HEADED GOAL INTO THE TOP-LEFT CORNER!
[Avery] Oh that’s exactly how you do it; power the ball back from the way it came, the goalkeeper had NO chance whatsoever! None!
[Conway] The noise level is absolutely deafening in here, that goal was well worth the price of attendance.

--- 93rd Minute ---

[Avery] And there’s the final whistle! Bostopia’s won the game 1 – 0, a perfect start to their qualifying campaign!
[Conway] Absolutely Ty, awesome start, great for the fans, there’ll be parties in Fort Boston Castle Plaza tonight!



[Lyle] There you go, a one nil win for Bostopia. After the break, we’ll be showing you Rekeseski’s stunning strike for Starblaydia over Liverpool England, along with highlights of last week’s 2 – 0 win over Sel Appa, and the match between Krytenia and Random Toast.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/345/blobohk5.jpg

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EXCELLENT VICTORY AGAINST THE MAIN RIVALS IN THE GROUP

http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/3362/4578214141gasyd5.jpg
Cafundéu played well and deserved the victory

Cafundéu couldn’t expect a better start in the World Cup qualifiers. The team went to Fmjphoenix knowing that it would be a very difficult game. And it was. But, after exciting ninety minutes of football, Cafundéu defeated their main opponents in Group 2 away, and starts very well the campaign in the qualifiers. The goals were scored by famous players, but all the players had a good game.

Now, Cafundéu will go to Northern Bettia to play against the Baptism of Fire champions. The coach and the players said that this won’t be an easy game, and that they will have to be cautious, and play their best to win. The CCFM also released a note declaring that the National Team won’t use its red kit in the game, using the white kit instead of it. They respect the other countries’ traditions and doesn’t want to get involved in confusions.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game with an offensive style, but not too offensive, as they feared Fmjphoenix’s counterattacks. But the first good goal chances were for Cafundéu. In the fourth minute, Heitor received the ball from Kliek, dribbled an opponent and shot to the goal. The goalkeeper made a good save and tried to start a counterattack, but they soon lost the ball and couldn’t attack.

After this first good chance, Cafundéu started to control the ball possession and dominated the match for some minutes. Had another chance in the 12th minute, when Brahma invaded the area and passed the ball to Ganz Ijak, who shot and sent the ball over the bar. But Fmjphoenix started to prepare its reply to Cafundéu’s attacks. The first one was in the 15th minute, when an attacker dribbled Vandick and Becão and shot. Vargas made a wonderful save.

Cafundéu started to lose control of the game and Fmjphoenix grew in the game with the support of the fans. In the 19th minute, a midfielder took a free kick and the ball hit the post. Some minutes after, in the 23rd minute, an attacker shot from outside the area and the ball passed near Vargas’s goal. Cafundéu even tried to reply with a simple attack started by Priotto, who shot to the goal. The ball hit a ball boy who was next to the playing field.

But Fmjphoenix continued better, and with better chances to score. In the 28th minute, a winger was near to invade the area when Sávio Ferrari fouled him. Yellow card to the Cafundelense defender. The free kick was wasted. Cafundéu attacked again with Priotto, who received the ball after Anormal was able to dribble two players. He crossed the ball and Becão headed it, but the goalkeeper saved easily.

Fmjphoenix attacked again in the 35th minute, after a huge mistake of Sávio Ferrari. The attacker was invading the area, but shot the grass instead the ball and missed the chance. Three minutes later, they scored. A midfielder made a long pass to an attacker, who invaded the area and shot, giving no chances to the goalkeeper Julio Vargas. Read the description of the goal moment in the words of the famous commentator Breno Gavião, of Globo Multimedia:

“The number seven of Fmjphoenix takes the ball, a long pass to the number nine, he is a dangerous strrrrriker! He invades the area, look at the goal... look at the goal... goal. Goal of Fmjphoenix. The defense slept and he could easily score. Fmjphoenix one, Cafundéu zerrrro!”

The coach Franz Braddock was furious with his team, which had one last chance to score. Kirs ran to the attack and passed the ball to Ganz Ijak, but the attacker was blocked by the opponent defense. The first half ended. For the second half, the coach decided to put the experienced striker Renário in Brahma’s place. The commentator Breno Gavião shouted excited when Renário entered: “Rrrrrrrrrrenário entered! Show them who is betterrrrr!”

http://img382.imageshack.us/img382/1426/4578220973gasaz5.jpg
Cafundéu suffered the first goal of the game

The second half started with a more intelligent and accurate Cafundéu. The team was impressive, extremely fast and passing the ball wanting to score soon. Surprised by the style change of the opponent team, Fmjphoenix couldn’t hold Cafundéu, and suffered a goal. Anormal recevied the ball from Vandick and headed to the goal, scoring. After the first goal, Fmjphoenix realized that the game wasn’t easy, and tried to adapt themselves to Cafundéu’s new style. Read Breno Gavião:

“Vandick cames rrrrrunning from the rrrrright side. He reaches the end and crrrosses, the ball goes to the area... Anorrrrrmal heads it! Look at the goal, look at the goal, look at the goooal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! Of Cafundéu! Look at the replay again! Anorrrrrmal scored, the number five of Cafundéu!”

But Cafundéu continued attacking. In the 9th minute, Ganz Ijak received the ball from Kliek inside the area and shot. The ball hit the post. Priotto took the rebound and shot too, but he sent the ball over the bar. Fmjphoenix only could have a good opportunity five minutes later, when an attacker dribbled Becão and shot, sending the ball over the bar. After that, one of the reflectors faded, and the referee had to stop the game for some minutes. When the light returned, Braddock put Manuel Padaria in Sávio Ferrari’s place.

In the twentieth minute, Anormal ran over two players and passed the ball to Heitor, who invaded the area and crossed the ball to Renário. The attacker tried to head the ball, but the goalkeeper came first and saved. Some minutes later, Heitor received the ball in the entrance of the area and passed the ball to Ganz Ijak, who got the ball in front of the goalkeeper and defeated the goalkeeper with a chip shot, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Heitor is with the ball, he has a grrrreat vision of the game. He finds Ganz Ijak alone inside the arrrrea, he rrrrreceives, shots and... it’s a goal! Look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! Of Cafundéu! Look this wonderful goal in the replay! Ganz Ijak, the lethal strrrrriker! The number nine of Cafundéu! Fjmphoenix one, Cafundéu two!”

After the second goal of Cafundéu, Braddock made the last change in the team, substituting Kliek for Metir. Cafundéu tried to do everything to control the ball possession, but they couldn’t and had to continue attacking and receiving attacks. Metir received the ball and passed it to Renário, but a defender tackled him. Fjmphoenix replied with an attacker, who was fouled by Priotto. The midfielder received a yellow card. A midfielder took the free kick and Vargas made a great save.

In the last minutes of the game, Fjmphoenix had a good chance in a corner kick. The ball was in the air and a player headed it to the goal, but he missed. In the injury time, Cafundéu started a counterattack with Ray Kirs. The ball reached Renário, who dribbled two players and shot to score the last goal of the game. After that, the game ended. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“The game is ending, go Cafundéu, let’s win this one, to start well the rrrrroad to the Worrrrrld Cup! Kirs get it, goes to the attack. Rrrrrrrrrremário gets, it, let’s go! He drrrrribbles one, drrrrribbles two, shots... and look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! GOOOOAL! Of Cafundéu! Look at the replay, who is the scorer? It’s him, Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrenário! It’s him! Fmjphoenix one, Cafundéu three!”

After the end of the game, the media searched for comments of the players. First, Ganz Ijak talked with the press: “It was a wonderful game for us, now we can surely qualify. Maybe we can even be considered favourites to get the third position, so let’s continue with the good work.” The defensive midfielder Manuel Padaria said: “We did our best, and could win this game. This victory is of all of us and we are sure that we can continue winning!”

The attacker Renário talked too: “I can’t even believe that I scored. This is a magical moment of my career and I would like to continue playing well. Let’s continue our ward work to go to the World Cup!” The coach Franz Braddock didn’t talk very much: “We played well, the sufficient to win. Our opponent has a formidable squad, so this was a world class game. We could win and it’s all that matters.”

http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/287/4591923637gasiu2.jpg
Fmjphoenix's coach was very worried

FMJPHOENIX 1x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown stadium, in Fmjphoeinx.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Roy Donahuc (Bedistan).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fmjphoenix.png FMJPHOENIX: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Manuel Padaria 60’); Anormal, Priotto, Brahma (Renário 45’) and Kliek (Metir 75’); Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:FMJ: Attacker 38’.
CAF: Anormal 49’ , Ganz Ijak 73’ , Renário 91’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Northern Bettia: Vargas, Vandick, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Metir and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Yaniv Tonin (Milchama).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 1 game:

1- G. Ijak, Anormal and Renário

New World Cup President Finally Announced

After an unexpectidly long time to announce something that almost everyone in the BFSA, Bazalonia and indeed the whole world thought would happen. Andrew Coulter the President of the BFSA had finally announced the day before the first matchday that James Gaines would indeed become the World Cup President. And that a ceremony swearing James Gaines into the presidency and it would be held mid after Friday next week.

The Ceremony went smooth James Gaines oathed to do the various things whatever the president actually does and that was it. Outside was a press conference, the first one officially as the World Cup Committee President and his first since leaving the BFSA.

"Thank you to everyone. It is with great pleasure that I stand here before you, no longer representing Bazalonia but the entire World Cup Commitee. I never thought I'd be standing here in the capacity assembled infront of the worlds media as anything other than the president of the BFSA, which is now in the capable hands of Andrew Coulter. I'd like to thank everyone that voted and to everyone that had supported me to become the president of the BFSA. Ill now open up the floor to questions. Yes, you over there." said James pointing to someone who obviously had a question.

"It is an open secret that there will be another Bazaar hosting bid, not for the Cup of Harmony but for the World Cup. As president you will be handling the votes for the World Cup bids. How are you going to avoid the perception of favouritism?"

"Good question, while I can longer comment or discuss anything in regards to a potential Bazalonian-Qutari hosting bid for the 34th World Cup, I will say that should the BFSA wish to host or co-host anything that requires vote, responsibility for that will be delegated to our new Ariddian Vice-President. That way it is quite practical way to remove the perception of abuse of presidential power. Any other questions? Yeah you over there."

"My question is about the re-emergence of Atheistic Right into the international soccer stage, what are your thoughts on the matter?"

"As president my view of the situation is they have just as much right as anyone else to participate in the world cup. Personnally, I dunno yet; I've had a look and while their society is totally based off different premises, I think that dispite the history with the Great Lion there could very well be great potential for the nation as it is at least now a democracy instead of being Ruled by a crackpot Tyrant. Any other questions?"

"How do you feel about your new position?"

"I'm greatful for the faith shown in me by the BFSA but also all those that voted for me. I suppose I should emphasise that your vote for WCC President counts so next time, use it. And thank you for your time." and with that James steped down and started his new well publicised life.

---

On the day of the Criosland match, in a nation they have never been in before in a stadium they have never been in before about to play a team they have never played before was causing some nervous stomachs. However the team had certainly been watching Croisland's efforts during the Baptism of Fire. It now was almost like they knew the team really well. Anyway they didn't expect anything but a white wash by the Bazalopes over the Croisland national team.

Things seemed to go terrible for the first 14 minutes of the game, it was in the 12th minute where Croisland scored the first goal of the match. The defense employed was absolutely terrible. However after the 14th minute and the goal the Bazalopes seemed to go from first gear into 5th gear. 3 goals were scored in the first half for the Bazalopes in the 16th, 29th and 41st minutes.

Another goal was scored in the 53rd minute taking the score to 1-4 3 goals up for the visiting Bazalopes. As a result they just sat back and started defending. The Croisland team had one really good opportunity to crawl back a goal in the 92nd minute of the match but the full-time whistle beat them.

---

After the match.

"Good game guys, it went as planned. But remember we have Milchama and New Montreal States to deal with... those teams are going to be hard. And Tynelia we've got to be on top of our game to deal with Tynelia." said the Coach, Eric Frankton

"Yes we know," said Thomas Yunn, "Not every game will be as easy as this one. We know. We have been struggling in the AOCAF for ages you know."

"Where's the radio, I wanted to try and see if I could find the results from the other matches?" asked Everret Kang. As he stood by a table where a radio once stood.

"Has anyone moved it?" Asked Eric, the coach

All he got was blank stares with a shake of the head. No one had no idea what happened to the radio. After a quick Audit they also noticed a towel missing, which was weird. After informing the Croislandish authorities that items had gone missing from their dressing room and left it up to them to deal with. It was puzzling but no thought anything more of it as the team started to prepare for their next match.

BE CALM TELEVISION: INCREDIBLE WIN IN FIRST GAME
Commentated by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Cecília Zemek
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/1111/nigxitassa6.jpg
Tough and difficult game

DR. SAMPAIO: “Hahaha! Wecome my patients. This is a really happy day for the great country of Estresse Intenso! Today we defeated Sativaville away by the result of four against three, and our players showed will to fight for our nation! This result gives us confidence to make a good World Cup qualifiying campaign, and to destroy that idiots of Cafundéu, our main rivals!”

DR. ZEMEK: “Surely it was a great game. All our players showed a marvelous ability, and proved that we aren’t just a team of stressed people. We started the game defending, but soon noticed that Sativaville was better than us, but not as we thought. So, we attacked and could defeat them today.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Yes, so let’s go to the goals. The first one happened in the eighteenth minute of the first half. Sativaville was attacking using the wings. Elvers received the ball and crossed it to Timmermann inside the area, who dribbled the goalkeeper Prunella and shot to score.”

DR. ZEMEK: “Yes, but we could reply with style in the twenty-fifth minute. Bogdan was fouled near the area. Dos Alpes took the free kick and scored, giving no chances to the goalkeeper. A good set piece. At that time, we weren’t playing better, but we started to show our strength.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Sativaville scored again in the end of the first half. Adelman received the ball in the entrance of the area and passed it to Goodier, who shot with strength to score the second goal of Sativaville in the last minutes of the first half. Changes were made in both teams for the second half, and Sassarel talked to us”:

“We can win. Their team can be better, but I noticed that we are more than prepared to win this game. We just need a more offensive formation and more will to score, and the differences will be visible. Just wait and see!”

DR. SAMPAIO: “And Landau Institute’s players scored another goal after the tenth minute. Bogdan dribbled a player and passed the ball to Gabalán, who dribbled an opponent, the goalkeeper and hit the ball to score the goal. Few minutes after, Timmerman took the ball from Pindaré, invaded the area and shot to score another goal for Sativaville, taking advantage of Pindaré’s mistake.”

DR. ZEMEK: “But Estresse Intenso replied again eight minutes after. Ponte Pênsil was with the ball in the left wing. He sent it to the area and Gabalán jumped more than the defenders to score another goal for Estresse Intenso, his second in the game. The coach made more changes to try to win.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “And finally, these changes had a positive effect. César Nobre shot the ball from outside the area. The ball hit the bar, but Gabalán took the rebound and shot to score the last goal of the game, securing the win of Estresse Intenso and giving three points to Landau Institute’s National Team. The coach commented the victory”:

“Now I see that our team is special. They played against the supporters, against the opponent players, who were superior, against the grass, against their own minds, against the sun that was blinding them, against everything. And they won. I have no words to thank them, so let’s continue with the good work!”

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/2255/englandplattsnr8.jpg
Ponte commemorates Gabalán's last goal

DR. SAMPAIO: “See the stats”:

SATIVAVILLE 3x4 ESTRESSE INTENSO

Place: unknown stadium, in Sativaville.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Arjen Kalssar (Green Wombat).
MOTM: Carlos Alberto Gabalán (Estresse Intenso).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sativaville.png SATIVAVILLE: Estorga, Allah, Oharra, Froats, Non-macher (Dalba 60’) and Loogie; Goodier, Heavin (Fuda 71’) and Elvers (Muecke 71’); Timmermann and Adelman.
Coach: that one in the bench.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Godói (Eriksson 60’), Manga and Flores; Sardinha, Dumitrache (César Nobre 80’), Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo (Ponte Pênsil 45’); Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

Goals:SAT: Timmermann 18’/62’ , Goodier 44’.
EIT: Dos Alpes 25’ , Gabalán 58’/70’/82’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Estresse Intenso’s next game formation: Prunella, Pindaré, Manga and Flores; Sardinha, Dumitrache, Dos Alpes and Bogdan; Mendes, Ponte Pênsil and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Merlin Plissar (Qazox).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 1 game:

3- C. Gabalán
1- V. Dos Alpes

Cafundéu’s predictions for the World Cup 33 Qualifiers – made by Breno Gavião: The commentator of Globo Multimedia decided to only list the four first placed of each group, so his predictions are the following:

Group 1:

Jeruselem
Bettia
Elves Security Forces
Northern Caesarea

Group 2:

Ariddia
The Archregimancy
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix

Group 3:

Schiavonia
The Lowland Clans
Demot
Fort Europe

Group 4:

Krytenia
Cuation
Qazox
Vilita

Group 5:

Rejistania
Errinundera
Sel Appa
The Islands of Qutar

Group 6:

Casari
Oliverry
Wentland
Spruitland

Group 7:

New Montreal States
Bazalonia
Milchama
Tynelia

Group 8:

Starblaydia
Geisenfried
Liverpool England
Yafor 2

Group 9:

Squornshelous
Commerce Heights
Nedalia
Turori

Play-offs:

Fmjphoenix x Vilita
Spruitland x Fort Europe
Tynelia x Turori

Qualified:

Vilita, Spruitland and Tynelia

Demot Daily ~ Scattered Clans

Oh my freaking gosh, what the hell was that my friends, what the bloody hell was that?! I have never in my life seen such wonderful and blissfully aesthetic pleasing football in my life. That was the epitomy of luck and skill and just a bit of craziness all jumbled up and sent to slap the skin of the members of The Lowland Clans. This win will go down in the record books, perhaps as the win that puts Demot on the map, and should give the squad a little bit of that respect that they were seeking. I take back all what I said yesterday negative of this squad, they are indeed mighty and worth of the name Dynamo. Let us not soon forget how good this feels, and know that we will likely be tasting this many times over in the future.

The Clans, to their credit, came out of the gate swinging, with Taitum Jopolik knocking in a rebound in the seventh minute, and then Cristiano Toldo getting an assist on a long shot from the post as it rattled in past Orien in the sixteenth minute. With Gooden being beaten soo badly and consistantly, Dogood made a move and sent D.J. “Cool” Mercedes in for the veteran. The flameboyant defenders flipped off his shades, and began to break down the Clansmen attacks like it was going out of style.

With their backline now sured up, the Dynamo began to assert themselves in the midfield, with Ben and Ysman coming back to help out the thinned out midfield. This lead to quite a few oppurtunities for the Dynamo on the counter attack, with Ysman and Black both netting on breathtaking runs, just seven minutes apart. Ysman was on another run in the forty-third minute, when Kevin Jurgensen took her down from behind at the twenty-five yard mark, and the ref showed no hesistation in awarding the free kick and Jurgensen the yellow. Masteron made the center back pay for his foolishness by slotting the free kick to the far post, with Liptings coming nowhere near to it.

Up at the half, the team had a tough decision to make. Either they could bring in a few defensive subs and try and defend the lead, or they could continue with the squad and go for the juggular. With the name like the Dynamo, the choice became rather simple, and the squad was ready to get a cushion. They would soon it get it, when Mercedes headed home a great inswinger from Masteron off a corner in the fifty-fourth minute. Six minutes later, Ben managed to strip Henry Delvin after he had been stripped himself, and went in free on goal. The youngster calmly lofted it past Liptings and secured the result for the home squad.

The attacks began to come few and far between for both squads, as each were not able to crack the others backline. The crowd went into hysteria with the final whistle, and the Dynamo now find themselves in control of their own destiny. Already toppling one of the top sides in the group, Demot really are in charge of where they will end up in the table. Still, it is a very long process, and we must not be soo quick to overlook Druida in the upcoming match.

Demot 5
Ysman (28)
Black (35)
Masteron (44)
Mercedes 54)
Ben (60)

The Lowland Clans 2
Taitum Jopolik (7)
Cristiano Toldo (16)

Article Jasmine Olvyander

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIAL SQUAD DEFEATS HOCKEY CANADA
Performance Derided as 'Soft and Lazy'

By Anna Comneno

A first half brace by captain Andronicus Curcuaso was enough to ease the Holy Empire to a surprisingly easy win against former World Cup power Hockey Canada overnight, but not before at least one leading political figure had derided the performance as 'soft and lazy'.

"Back in my day we would have score 26 goals against a bunch of weak-minded commies like Hockey Canada; that's what communism does - it makes the mind soft. Soft and lazy" said Imperial Senator and Provincial Assembly Member Theodore Phocaso. "Why, back when I was playing, we ate commies for breakfast. Literally" added the star of Imperial TV's hit show 'Grumpy Old Fogeys' before concluding his tiresome rant by observing that "the fact that they scored less than 10 proves just how soft and lazy the young whippersnappers on this current team are."

Slightly less senile sources close to the team declared themselves pleased with the result. "It's important to ease your way into qualification" said central defender Juan Tzimisces, Jr. "but a win is a win - and we're more than happy to take it."

Elsewhere in Group 2, the shock overnight result is surely Demot's classy 5-2 demolition of the Lowland Clans, suggesting that some teams may not be quite as soft or lazy as some sources are suggesting.


ANNA'S WORLD CUP SKETCH
Serious reporting aside, the snoozer story of the week has to be group rivals Fort Europe's criticism of the Holy Empire's kit as the 'ugliest' in the group. The Fort Europe FA perhaps doesn't appreciate the history behind the gold, red and black, one of the two oldest kits in the World Cup, matched only by the red and black of Ariddia (red and black obviously being a classic historical combination). Nonetheless, I asked this year's kit designers Maurice and Andre from "M&A's In No-Way Insultingly Stereotypically Camp House of Fashion" what they thought of the controversy. "Well, Anna, I have only one thing to say to that, darling" said Maurice, "and that's 'green and yellow stripes?' I mean, helloooooo. That's sooooooo not this season." And so there you have it - according to a top Imperial fashion designer, yellow with red and black highlights is far more attractive than green and yellow stripes. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in either.

Wayne: Hi, I'm Wayne Wastle. This is the World Cup 33 - first game had been completed. Yes, the action is back and of course, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. And with me is of course some hussey I picked up along the way, well you should know who it is by now.
Dazza: (In a Russian accent) Hello, me Dazza Dallas.

Wayne: Yes, that's Dazza well being Dazza. Looking good Dazza!
Dazza: That's my job, eye candy for my fans. My dress too tight for you Wayne?

Wayne: Well, it does cover more than that belly dancer thing.
Dazza: I've worn less before.

Wayne: Back to the football, and away from Dazza's wardrobe.
Dazza: 10 teams in Group 1 including us and Bettia.

Wayne: Jeruselem lead by that man known as Tunkerhunker started the campaign well. An easy win. Not convincing but 3 points for our team.
Dazza: We played Collonie, and beat them THREE NIL. Tunk lead by example with a typical thumping goal. My niece Rashina Dallas scored the next goal sliding home low goal and getting a little dirty, she had to change her clothes later. Big Gay Al finished off the team from Collonie with slinky move.

Wayne: So the 3rd seed start in style and weren't even pushed.
Dazza: Bettia showed the returning Lovisa who was the boss. Lovisa scored two goals but Bettia who like to attack - scored four. Bettia win FOUR TWO and keep pace with us. Good new for the Nedalians, with their friends on song!

Wayne: Well, Nedalia in Group 9. They had a tough game against Turori and well, looked like Dazza after a big party. Wasted.
Dazza: You forgot the spread-eagled and nudey bit but we are talking about a football team not Dazza's social life. The Lions failed badly - losing three one. Not good - with the ex-world champs in their group. Come on Lions! Be the next super Lions from Bedistan.

Wayne: Bostopia - upset over Northern Caesarea ONE NIL. Now, that's going upset a few people over there in Northern Caesarea.
Dazza: Looks like 3rd spot is not going be just for two teams.

Wayne: Elves Security Forces - they were forced to hold off the team from New Propagandia. 2 ALL and it seems this group is well and alive. The rookies are firing up to take on the big boys!
Dazza: Don't worry Wayne, the big boys fire up and then get going. Or maybe the little ladies too.

Wayne: Kelssek smashed Marceau State FIVE TWo. Well well, not good for the Frenchies as Dazza calls them.
Dazza: Lately, Marceau State have underachieved and well, looks like they will be lucky to make the top 5 at all.

Wayne: In summary, upsets but Nedalia's buddies - us and Bettia won. Nedalia did not.
Dazza: I'll be Nedalia's cheerleader if they need one.

Wayne: We all know it's YAP YAP time now. Dazza's time waster.
Dazza: Well, Dazza's done it. An official Playboy photoshoot.

Wayne: When's it go in sale?
Dazza: In a week

Wayne: You got one here?
Dazza: Not yet, but it's good! It's worth the money.

Wayne: Err, it's pretty sorta wild then
Dazza: Dazza goes wild! Indeed

Wayne: Well, that's one way to get attention - interesting timing! More coindental Dazza?
Dazza: (winks) Why would you think that Wayne?

Wayne: THE FOOTBALL LIFE for now is finished. First game - and well, a few upsets. And Dazza gets naked.
Dazza: See you all later - and you'll be seeing me - all of me.

Wayne: Collectors item!
Dazza: Oh yes, we play Lovisa next. Should be great game.


Bostopia 1 Northern Caesarea 0
Lovisa 2 Bettia 4
New Propagandia 2 Elves Security Forces 2
Collonie 0 Jeruselem 3
Kelssek 5 Marceau State 2

Turori 3 Nedalia 1

---
A day ago, Skydome, Kirkenes
---

"See? I told you it would work!" the pleased assistant coach beamed as the Kelssek and Coocoostan players shook hands and exchanged jerseys.

"John," sighed Mathieu de Jenken, "What works in Championship Manager might be useful in a friendly against Coocoostan, but it won't work in the real qualifiers."

"You promised, if we won..."

I shouldn't have, thought Mathieu, but he bit his lip and said, "Mmmh."

--
http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/national-independent.gif

Stunning start for Kelssek in World Cup qualifying

Kelssek has officially made its World Cup debut and in scintillating fashion, defeating the Marceau State, ranked 45th in the world, 5-2 in a thrilling game at the Canada Stadium in Neorvins.

Manager Mathieu de Jenken deployed a somewhat unusual formation which looked like a very loose 3-1-3-3, which seemed almost disorganised but produced a free-flowing game where Vincent Arsenault again was the key piece of the puzzle, threading passes with clinical precision to the three-man strikeforce of Cournoyer, Sinclair and Crawford who each got onto the scoresheet thanks mainly to Arsenault's efforts.

It was a very big win for a team making its debut, acknowledged de Jenken after the game.

"I'm thrilled, we pulled off a big win over a much stronger team. I'm very happy with how we played and the attacking especially. We'll have to keep this up against tougher competition and maybe we can win a few more and shake things up a little."

Kelssek are travelling to Elves Security Forces for their next game.

Kelssek: Zherdek, Gobrynin, P. Dubois, Symonds, Colwyn, Despatie (Hartraft 65), Regehr, Arsenault (Archer 81), Cournoyer (L. Dubois 77), Sinclair, Crawford.

"I can't feel my fingers!!" Drunkard coach celebrates, gets even drunker
AP - The parties are rampant in the streets of Kingsford's capital, Arms of Nobles, after the 'Krewe du Kingsford' National Team notched its first win in international play in half a century. This "Happy Rioting" has caused the nation to be sent into chaos, or as some would call it, total 'n utter insanity, and reserve police units have been called up in eight of Kingsford's major cities.

The match took place in the 120,000 seat Union-Centre Stadium in the city of Vilvek, Swilatia. This was the first international match that any of the players on the national squad had ever played, and by far the nicest stadium that any of them had ever set foot in. Commented Defender Ozymandias Swain, "Wow, our home pitch really is a hell hole."

The game was a sellout crowd, however only a handful of Kingsforders made the trip, as most maintain a typically apathetic stance towards just about anything. As the kickoff took place, the noise of the devoted home fans was deafening, and it spurred Swilatian forward Mikołaj Rycerski on an exciting breakaway past the shellshocked Kingsforder defense to draw first blood, skillfully putting the ball in the upper 90 past Michael Styel in the fourth minute.

As the crowd settled somewhat, the Krewe du Kingsford regained their composure and began putting together strings of passes, advancing the ball up the field well. One of these series ended with a brilliant and entirely accidental cross by francophone midfielder Olmo Gatreaux, who later stated "The ball was just so nice and big that when I tried to get a hold of it, I could not grasp it all and it bounced lightly off of my toe." Thinking that Gatreaux had screwed up the cross, striker Orion Lees began to run back downfield when the well arced ball deflected off of his fleeting heel, surprising the Swilatian keeper and evening the score.

The game was a midfield battle for the remainder of the first half, until just before stoppage time ensued, team captain Roger Voultore found himself on a breakaway, sliding the ball on the ground into the right corner of the goal, giving Kingsford the lead just before the half.

At the start of the next half, Kingsford kicked off and began playing a very conservative possession game. Vexed at the time-killing antics of his opponent, Mikołaj Rycerski tackled midfielder Brian Arougela from behind while he was in possession. Rycerski received a red card, and Arougela came off the pitch injured, allowing son of former international prodigy Saturn Calcete Marcos to take the field. The extent of Arougela's injury is not yet known, and it is unknown when, or if, he will return.

After Rycerski's ejection, the undermanned Swilatian side allowed the Krewe du Kingsford to play its possession game with more ease. The Swilatians managed a few good shots, but the keeper Styel showed impressive form and measured up to any challenges put to him.

In the seventy-first minute, Gatreaux connected with Lees again, but this time purposefully, pushing Kingsford ahead by two goals. The match finished in good form.

After the match, Kingsforder Manager Ean Harthshawe Doogan, who had killed a handle after Swilatia scored a goal, was not available for comment, as he was staggering towards the nearest bar to celebrate his surprise victory.

The Krewe de Kingsford will face off against the Islands of Qutar at home in the next match. Qutar is favored in some circles to qualify, and most people make only the general comment "wtf?" about Kingsford. Qutar is heavily favored to win, and most fans will most likely not bother to show up.




Matchday I - Kingsford at Swilatia
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.png @ http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/swilatia.png

Match Facts
71' - Lees (KN)
55' - sub (Arougela off, Calcete on) (KN)
55' - Rycerski
44' - Voultore (KN)
21' - Lees (KN)
4' - Rycerski (SW)

World Cup Qualifying – Friendly

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
5:0 (3:0)


Match Report:

Starblaydia – A very one sided matchup between a very experienced nation and one that has never competed in any World Cup competition before. Starblaydia blitzed Acapais 5-0 on Sunday night.

Coalville started off the scoring by a glancing header to the far post. Matranga’s 30 yard blast in the 20th minute proved the inexperience off the Acapan defense. Jeremy Davis of Acapais pulled a hamstring and had to leave the game early which did not improved Acapais dire state. Volaré caught goalkeeper Dickenson off his line and chipped a graceful ball into the back of the net. Life had been shot out of Acapais before the whistle blew for halftime.

Volaré scored his second of the night off a corner kick from Cravex. Matranga earned his second goal after putting a stunning nutmeg on defender Hernandez. Acapais showed some sign of life in the 84th minute when Jose hit the crossbar.

All in all Starblaydia had 11 shots on target to Acapais’s 4, and Starblaydia nearly doubled Acapais’s time of possession.

After the match was over the two nations traded jerseys just like good sportsmen should.

Scoring:
Starblaydia – Coalville (dos Santos) 7
Starblaydia – Matranga (Volaré) 20
Starblaydia – Volaré (Mahezihim) 38
Starblaydia – Volaré (Cravex) 62
Starblaydia – Matranga (Diaz) 70

Booking:
Acapais – Murphy (caution; Reckless foul) 36
Acapais – Jose (caution; Reckless foul) 55

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 34
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (15 - Graham Atwater) 61
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose (12 - Samuel Haun) 87

Starblaydia Starting Lineup:
1 - Jiino Graikalonii
2 - Aleksandr Rekeseski
3 - Claudio González
5 - Betanii Marrones (13 - Tiberius Costello) 57
6 - Darijo Cravex
4 - Carlos dos Santos
7 - Keztarr Mahezihim
8 - Nuno Volaré
11 - Lori Alvarez
9 - Tommas Coalville (21 - Rafael Diaz) 67
10 - Kaza Matranga (15 - Deigo Ramirez) 71





-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais Starblaydia Friendly
Acapais MD1 Report (”http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12321952&postcount=70")

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Bright start gives early hope

After losing 2-1 in the 3rd place play-off to Estresso Intenso, the Quintessential squad's spirits remained high. Coach Jeremy Dixon said that the experience was useful preparation, and was happy to see his team playing as many minutes of football as possible. Going into the World Cup with two successive defeats in memory may not have been ideal, but today's performance demonstrated that the team has not been overly troubled by early predictions of limited chances of success, as they beat Cluichstan's Steamed Crabs 2-0.

Quintessence of Dust remain unfancied for progression to the next round, given the presence of several highly ranked and experienced teams in their group. Nonetheless, it is vital that they take as many points as possible from initial encounters, making today's result a crucial start. It was not a wholly rosy picture, however, as four yellow cards were handed out - two of them to captain Theodore Littlefellow, who will miss next match. Further, there were signs that forward Dennis Young has not recovered from an ankle injury picked up in the Baptism of Fire regional final against Northern Bettia, when he limped off after only 56 minutes, to be replaced by Benvolio Azzinio.

Goals came from Roger Longhorn and Micky Marberger. Longhorn scored after some excellent individual skill from central midfielder Peter Rogers turned an unremarkable long ball from Guilermo Azzinio into a scoring opportunity, playing Longhorn into space in the penalty area, where he slammed home his shot. The second goal came shortly after, in the dying minutes of the first half, with Dennis Young setting up Dino Achten, whose shot was narrowly parried wide. Frederic Renard produced a wickedly curling corner that Marberger was able to head in.

The second half saw few scoring opportunities, although both Longhorn and Rogers had good shots saved. There was some criticism of the excessive resort to the long ball instead of playing through the midfield. Once Littlefellow had been sent off, the team adopted a somewhat lopsided formation, although Achten put in superb effort throughout the game, from scraping a spinning ball off his own goalline in a last-ditch slide to producing several attacking crosses from the left. When awarded with his Man of the Match award, he said, "What the fuck is this shit? I run my legs off for a colouring book?" Pointing out that it was signed by that guy off that sitcom with the fat woman did little to allay his irritation.

The performance was by no means perfect, but in general the defending was solid, with some chances to attack carelessly wasted. Work will be needed against stiffer opposition, but there was equally much to take forward for the next game. Dixon has indicated that Jessica Jensen will start in Littlefellow's place, so as to retain the 3-2-3-2 formation currently being employed. Dennis Young is expected to start, pending medical advice. Dino Achten will take the captain's armband.

Probable team for next match
1
Furman

3 5 4
Yellowback Williams Azzinio

8 11
Marberger Achten (c)

2 7 12
Renard Rogers Jensen

9 10
Longhorn Young

Sel Appa stunned by loss

The Turtles were stunned by an opening loss against a weaker team, but attributed it to over-practice. Coach Charles DuPont admitted they were "a bit overworked". The HURD is next up and a win is expected of 2-1. Meanwhile, at home, a scandal has erupted over alleged bribery of referees by the Anvorbuod Rebels, who still claim independence from Sel Appa, but remain united for football. Anvorbuod and FFSA officials are looking into the situation.

In a recent poll, Sel Appans overwelmingly viewed host nations Az-cz and Quakmybush as great nations and many are interested in visiting them. In other news, the Qutari promotion booth wa closed down after protestors got unruly. They were still irked about the WC32Qual match.

No one was quite sure exactly how Atheistic Right, an unranked team that had caused a large amount of stir in it's previous foorballing agents was able to decimate the Altanar squad who had at least participated in the BoF.

Many rumours abounded from the shock of playing a barely clothed player, being scared of Ryan Mitchell or having artificially enhanced functions thanks to Cameron Miller, however a brief investigation revealed no overt action and with the score 2-5 there was only rumours for any real reason and it seemed only one man actually had the knowledge of what happened.

"Despite being in the Baptism of Fire Altanar sucked. The only reason they managed to get 10 points was that their entire group sucked and they were only slightly better. That is the real reason we were able to so comprehinsively wipe the floor. Underhanded measures and tricks were apart of the old regime, the insane madman that held Atheistic Right in his grip and twisted a previous ideal society into his demented image. We have had alot of footballing experience and it showed itself on the field with 5 goals scored by the Darwinists."

Whatever happened this matchday, the world is put on notice once more, Athesitic Right, who instigated the Carrington Hotel bombing in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, went through coaches like nobodies business and almost entered in nuclear annihilation of the entire Atlantian Oceania region are once again on the internation scene. The question on everybodies lips and minds... Will there be repeats?

"...fortunately, the Congressman suffered only mild burns, and the hamster was retrieved safely. Now sport, and as the people of Quintessence of Dust rejoice in the wake of their team's first World Cup victory tonight..."

Footage of crowds waving small flags with drunken enthusiasism. Cut to footage of young twats riding round on mopeds beeping obnoxiously. Cut to footage of different but equally drunk crowd waving. As the camera pans to one man holding a big "Fuck The Towelheads!" sign, there is a hurried cut to stock footage of a random crowd cheering.

"...we have an exclusive interview with squadmember Jessica Jensen, one of the few women competing in this World Cup. Jessica, can you hear me?"

Newsreader turns to big screen on which grinning blonde woman's face is projected in slightly blurry focus. A caption saying 'Jessica Jenson' pops up. As the interview progresses, it changes with various attempts to spell the surname correctly; none succeed, but some get pretty damn close, bless them. After a brief satellite delay,

"Yes, hi Alyssa. It's great to be here. Can I say hi to my mum?"

Waves.

"No I'm sorry, your mother died of cancer today. Jessica, what is the mood in the camp tonight?"

"Oh, we're really all excited, obviously. It was great to get a victory under our belts, and we're all pleased with how it went."

"Were you disappointed not to play yourself?"

"No, especially as I'll be starting tomorrow. Jerry said I should rest against Cluichstan: they'd only try to proposition me."

"You'll be playing in Theo Littlefellow's place: your reaction to his dismissal?"

"Well, I think he's a whiny little brat who had it coming, but obviously we'll be appealling the decision anyway. Lawyers don't pay themselves!"

"Quite. Are there are any special plans for tomorrow's game?"

"Oh, we'll definitely be trying to work on our passing game, and trying to get more crosses in. If Dennis's ankle isn't strong enough to play - which we all hope it will be, and he seems to be doing really well - that it'll have to be a bit different, but we're still confident that we can adapt as needed. And our defence looked really good today, so we'll be hoping for more of the same tomorrow."

"A train is travelling north at 80 miles per hour. There is a cross-wind from the south-east of 12 miles per hour. Who is John Galt?"

"The fat guy from Fight Club?"

"Jessica, what is it like being the only woman in the squad?"

"It's not a thing, really. We all play the same sport, for the same country. And I'm friends with a few of the guys outside the squad. I guess I have to use a different changing room - but that's about it."

"Do you think you're being a role model for Quodite girls?"

"No, not really. Unless they want to play football. I don't think the ones who want to be doctors or teachers will get a lot out of watching me kick a ball."

"And what about those who say a woman's place is in the kitchen, not on the sports field?"

"They can go fu-"

"Today, conservative group Quintessential Families For A Safer Tomorrow issued a statement in which they said you were setting a poor example."

"I don't see why: unless they want women locked inside, which isn't out of the question for these nutjobs, though knowing the kind of women they marry, not so unreasonable. I'm representing my country, getting exercise, playing a team sport: none of that strikes me as a bad example to be setting. But I guess when you have that much sand in your vagina, the tiniest thing can really set you off."

"Absolutely. Jessica, you're obviously also an attractive young woman - indeed, the QFA initially opposed your membership in the squad on grounds that 'you weren't flat enough to play proper sports' - and have become something of a sex symbol back home. Is that a status you're pleased with?"

"Well, it's very flattering, obviously. But I try to keep my mind on the game: that's all that really matters now. Unless Jake Gyllenhaal shows up, in which case this tournament can kiss me."

"Final question: your realistic assessment of Quodite chances this Cup."

"We may not win. We may in fact get royally shat on. But we'll certainly put in all the effort we can. Like I said to my last boyfriend: 'If I'm going down, then expect to find some bitemarks'."

"With that image, Jessica Jensen, thank you very much."

"Next, we move to our cookery feature, where we show you how to get that extra tang to your marinated fetus..."

[Parriff] For more on that story, over to Rachel Hanning in Sygon City.

[Hanning] Thanks Jamie. Yes, Outer Sygon's government today dissolved itself and ceded all their land to either Bostopia or Vladmiristak. Emperor Boston flew in today after celebrating Bostopia's win over Northern Caesarea, to prepare the borders, and hand over power of the motorways from Sygon City to New London to the Bostopian border to the Sygon City - New London - New Fort Boston Motorway Transport Administration body. Also...sorry, back to Jamie in the studio for some breaking news.

[Parriff] Indeed, we have some breaking news coming in. The Bostopian National Team's lineup has been released for tomorrow's game against Bettia. Over to Kelly Firth who's outside the BFA headquarters in Heartwick House, Fort Boston.

The cameras cut to a shot of an obviously naked Kelly.

[Firth] Thanks, Jamie.

[Parriff] Hang on, Kelly, what are you doing, it's one in the morning, and you're stark naked! You know what, Mark, why don't you tell us what the temperature is in downtown Fort Boston right now?

[Janning] Right now? It's 6 degrees celcius, Jamie...which is 43 Fahrenheit, with a 12 mph westerly wind. Cloud cover is mode...

[Parriff] That'll do, Mark will be back with the weather in half an hour. Back to Kelly, see, it's 6 degrees, how can you be naked in that weather, let alone WANT to be?

[Firth] For one thing, Jamie, if Kayleigh Lorfale can, I can too. Plus, I'm stood on a subway grate.

The camera switches to a stunned looking Jamie, and then quickly switches back to Kelly.

[Firth] Anyway, back to the story. You heard Jamie correct, the team has been announced for tomorrow's game. As you'll know, Bettia is ahead of Bostopia timewise, so the Bostopian team has by now been in Bettia about 5 days, with about 8 hours to go before the game kicks off. The team is unchanged from the one - nil win over Northern Caesarea, and is as follows.

An on-screen graphic flashed up

GK: Dave KRIPP (Fort Boston FC)

DR: Craig HART (Irringvale Borough) DC: Gary YOUNG (Osling United) DC: Manfred HARRICK (Fenton FC) DL: Neill FREAT (Bassingdale City)

MR: Dan REPPON (Fort Boston FC) MC: Steven SERRING (Fort Boston FC) MC: Andy PERRAR (Rolida FC) ML: Rob KRIPP (Port Flamerty FC)

SC: Jamie TRENT (Fenton FC) Ian KRAFT (Glenrock Athletic)

Subs: GK: Greg HEARN (Henrikstad FC) DC: Matt LAWFOLD (Prussingberg FC) DLRC: Nigel PEART (Riikenberg FC) MLRC: Gary MAFF SC: Brandon DINGAER (Monham United)

[Firth] There we have it. Also, there's been talk of switching the home game against Jeruselem to Fenton's Copsequay Stadium, but BFA officials have slammed it as ridiculous, stating in a press release that "The moving of the home fixture against the biggest team in the group is a ridiculous idea, as playing Jeruselem means that the ground with the biggest capacity in Bostopia is required, to get as many people who want to see the game that access. Also, moving the game to Fenton is symbolic of the 'Dazza Craze' currently sweeping the nation, and many are trying to take advantage of Fenton State's mandatory nudity laws. This could also lead to a lawsuit against us by Playboy Magazine, as less people may buy the Magazine for the chance to see Ms.Dallas naked. If Ms.Dallas wishes to stroll around naked - as she can do anywhere in Fort Boston except obvious locations like smelters and abattoirs and the link - then she can do so of her own will, without it being imposed on her by state law." And with that - and the sudden cooling of air coming out of the subway grate - back to the studio.

[Parriff] Thank you Kelly. Next, we'll be bringing you the weather situation nationwide, then the news and weather from where you, from your local partner stadium. I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome Western Outer Bostopia, Bostopian Adoros and the 26 Former new Regions of Rental Save - the former Outer Sygonian Deweyland - to Channel 9 broadcasting, and hope you are all having a good night, and now, over to Mark with the weather.

Phillip woke up to blazing sunlight. Coming from a city where jagged roofs and perpetual smog interfered, this was a rather pleasant surprise, but distracting as he played. Zwangzug began the game facing the sun. His eyes narrower than usual, he drove forward.

It was Yul who got Zwangzug's first goal of the cup, however. Phillip took it in stride, but wasn't able to get anything done in the first half. It was Northern Bettia's Dan Kyubo with a blast in the forty-fourth minute that ricocheted off Anatoly in a way inconducive for future goaltending, right where Paul Iyopa was able to put it in. As they prepared for the kickoff, Yul whispered something to Kyubo that left Phillip overwhelmed as play began. Only the halftime whistle saved Zwangzug from allowing another goal. Yul and Kyubo continued whatever it was they were doing through the break.

Simon Ryne dominated the second half for Zwangzug's offense, with Yul tied down back in midfield and Phillip accustoming to facing away from the sun-as per normal? So this was what it was like, having to adapt to light and darkness. Having to let Yoiko past him (well, that was more self-defense than anything else: Phillip knew when he couldn't win) to pass all the way up to Devanallt, who made it 2-1.

Having to go beyond himself, beyond his city, and play for a nation. Zwangzug's first World Cup game was a loss, and Yul was still muttering, but Phillip fell asleep with the sun still shining.

An Inauspicious Win

Jaromil Ctibor tallied the only goal for either side in a surprisingly monotonous match. Squornshelan crowds are certainly unaccustomed to watching 1-0 victories, and there was quite a bit of grumbling among the fans despite the score favring their Pschychoes. Ensio Varg put in a solid performance at goalkeeper, not facing many shots, but looking very good on those that did come his way. It was a match of missed shots and opportunities for Squornshelous, whose inexperienced attack took a lot of shots in the general direction of the net, but only had 6 of them close enough to worry Coocoostan netminder Karim Ishmail. Coocoostan's strikers, Sergey Petrov and Frankie Obispo, were frustrated all match long by very carefully organized defense. Squornshelan defenders Sten Mortenson, Rudolf Emmerich and Hrolf Roope played a game of containment, while Yuri Petchukov and Knut Armin dropped back from their defensive midfield position to help out. This was very unusual for a Squornshelan team that usually plays an all out attack, hoping to score more goals than the opposition can to make up for weakened defense. Unfortunately, the crowds don't particularly like this style of play, and if manager Pavel Andreev doesn't find goals, and soon, he may not see the end of qualifying.

However, in Andreev's defense, Squornshelous's lone goal came on a beautiful, obviously practiced set play. Mikhail Kaladze commited a foul on Emil Jalmari a few feet outside of the corner of the box. While he wasn't booked for the incident, it gave the Pschychoes a free kick in prime real estate. Arman Latvala lined up and took the kick, which started in toward Ishamil and the net, but curved away towards a crowd of players. Ctibor, who stands a full six feet, three inches, rose above the rest to head the ball back across into the far corner of the net.

Final Score:
Squornshleous 1-0 Coocoostan

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right v Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous v Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights v Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous v Kericia
MD6: Altanar v Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

"Black plague shot across Lethislavania, killing countless rodents, who had been congregating in small corridors to watch the national football team." The screen panned to a picture of dead mice, huddled around a small t.v. Miniature beers had been removed, as to remove suspicion as to cause of death.

"Meanwhile, in other news, Thomas Boeing was found passed out in a trash can in an alley outside of the Terra Restaurant, well-known gambling outlet. Cluthced between his fingers were 2 betting slips (incidentally, against Lethislavania), as well as three unidentified sex toys." The picture then zoomed into the tickets, showing off the bets made. "Apparently, Boeing lost 300,000 Junta, as well as 5 bananas, a pink-lace thong, and a small cat named Mr. Timothy. The score in the match was 2-2, after Lethislavania scored two own's against herself."

"This is all we have for today, as we are cutting back to the jello-wrestling match between our two presidential contenders. We will have more in-depth foot ball coverage TOOOOOOMOOOORRROOOOOW!"

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

LETHISLAVANIA-2 QAZOX-2

Up against one of the Ancient Powers of Football, Qazox held its own and came away with a very sloppy point from Lethislavania. A total of 3 own goals were scored, quite possibly tying an international record. Greg Wolfen, who was starting his 1st ever Qualifier, looked lost and may be replaced before the next match against Cuation at home.


The scoring, if you can call it that began in the 38th minute when KR-GK, the robotic keeper of the Fighting Green malfunctioned and kicked the ball into his own net, giving Qazox a 1-0 lead. But Wolfen did KR-GK one better, by misplaying a back-pass from Juan Won One and it bounced into the net just before half to tie it up at 1-1.

KR-36 managed to break the tie in the 67th minute with a shot that may have gone through the net, the stands, the outer wall of the stadium, and through 4 or 5 buildings before landing somewhere in the ocean. Down 1-2, Qazox kept attacking, with little success, unto KR-GK made another mistake, accidently kicking the ball off of KR-X13's back and it was deflected back into the goal tying it back up at 2-2 in the 88th minute.

All in all a very piss-poor start for the Black Oxen, despite the fact they were playing robots created to play Football. It only gets tougher as Cuation, shocking 1-2 losers to our rivals Assegai, come to our place. It will be a good match, but Cuation is a bit better so they walk away with a 2-1 win.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: OG (38', 88')
Lethislavania: OG- (45'), KR-36 (67')
CARDS: NONE

Odd brush with history! The Schorteskatascansolanian team travelled to the Unified Capitalizt States which all good Schorteskatascansolanian schoolchildren know of as the ancestral home of all Schorteskatascansolanians. The team members were very eager to see some sights but were informed that the actual ancestral home of all Schorteskatascansolanians, though under Capitalizt control, was half a galaxy away. The team lost 2-0 because we were simply outclassed by the much superior Capitalizt team. However, though the football team has returned home, scores of academics are now poring over the libraries in Capitalizt universities trying to find as much as they can as fast as they can so they can be the first to write a new history book and make a lot of money. Some adventuresome souls have already decided to build rocket ships and fly to "Greater Schortland" even though they have little to no idea of where it might be. The Aeronautical Subcommittee has reported seven deaths due to home-made rocket crashes during the past 24 hours. We will continue to follow this story and might have even more for you when the Unified Capitalizt States come to play in Schorteskatascansolani itself. We will next be playing at home in the Byoskopija-Grostadion, against a strong team known as Turori. This has been Master Guillaume Kasimir Pbufanda, wishing you all a good night.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS EASE TO OPENING WIN
Victory Overshadowed by Ulek 'Misunderstanding'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

As expected, the Archregimancy eased to a simple 2-0 away win against the unheralded side from Houersteinzer following goals either side of half time from Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves and Br. Innocent of Ariddia.

Br. Innocent's contribution was overshadowed, however, by news of an internal dispute within the Monastic Football Association over whether his native country would be allowed to perform their traditional ulek in the Archregimancy before the forthcoming eagerly anticipated Ariddia-Archregimancy clash.

"Despite accusations in some more conservative quarters that the Ariddian chant is little more than a 'pagan war dance', I can assure you that the Rouges-et-Noirs will be permitted to perform the Ulek prior to the match" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "However, the Ariddian team will be asked to perform their chant prior to the Divine Liturgy rather than between the liturgy and the match. This strikes us as an eminently sensible compromise that should keep everyone happy. Any news to the contrary is a simple misunderstanding."

Sources close to the MFA are said to taking this decision as proof of just how liberal the organisation has become since former team coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable took control of the MFA following WC31. "In the old days, this wouldn't have happened" said Archregimancy media personality Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian. "Back then the MFA would have denounced the Ulek, banned it, and then oxymoronically accused the entire Ariddian nation of being pagan atheists. These days only part of the MFA denounces the Ulek, it's not fully banned, and we simply sadly - but privately - shake our heads about Ariddian atheism without making a big fuss about it. Isn't it amazing how liberal we've become in just a couple of World Cups!"

New recruit Br. Innocent the Ariddian refused to comment in detail on the 'misunderstanding', noting simply that he felt the MFA could be trusted to make a decision that respected the unique cultural traditions of both nations without adversely impacting the sanctity of the Divine Liturgy.

The Enlightener: there be monsters here
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Nice One, Sonny

Lovisa..........2 (Player#9 14, Player #7 37)
Bettia...........4 (P.Busilanta 35, Scott 44, Sabitha 78 89)

The Aroras got their World Cup campaign off to a winning start, but they left it late to grab all three points after twice falling behind. Despite being absent from the world football scene for many years, it was the home side who started off looking much sharper and, after creating a number of early half-chances, soon went ahead thanks to a well-struck effort from just inside the area.

After that rude awakening, Bettia slowly got back into the game and the fast flowing Takilan stylings that their fans have grown to know and love soon came into the picture. The Busilanta brothers began to cause all sorts of havoc in the Lovisan back line thats to their incisive passing movements, and so it was no surprise when one of them got on the scoresheet shortly after the half-hour mark. This time it was the eldest of the three triplets, Peri, who scored the equaliser after being put through on goal by the youngest brother Budi.

Unfortunately for Bettia, parity lasted for less than two minutes after their defence was dissected by a cross-field ball which the Lovisan centre-midfielder was able to head in ahead of Ellis in the Bettian goal. To their credit, after receiving such a setback the Bettian squad never let their heads drop, and shortly before half-time they were level once more, thanks to a quickly taken Barry Scott free-kick that left the home goalkeeper rooted to the spot.

So, after an eventful first half, both team went into the break on equal terms, and that's very much how the second half continued, with both teams creating chances but failing to convert them, either through great goalkeeping, bad finishing or sheer rotten luck. But all things changed thanks to what turned out to be an inspired substitution after 75 minutes, when Peri Busilanta (who appeared to be struggling after taking a knock to the knee) was taken off in favour of Sonny Sabitha, and the diminutive Gabalfa Rovers striker immediately made an impact, thumping the ball home in emphatic fashion less than three minutes after making his entrance.

After taking the lead for the first time, Bettian tails were well and truly up and they continued to press home. Their efforts did not go unrewarded as once again Sabitha broke through a demoralised defence and slid the ball home through the goalkeepers legs to make the game safe.

The Aroras' next game is the first of a home double header against Bostopia, who started their World Cup challenge well with a hard-fought win over much-fancied Northern Caesaria.


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME
03: Marceau State...........HOME
04: Jeruselem...............Away
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME
06: New Propagandia.........Away
07: Elves Security Forces...Away
08: Collonie................HOME
09: Kelssek.................Away
10: Jeruselem...............HOME
11: Bostopia................Away
12: Kelssek.................HOME
13: Marceau State...........Away
14: New Propagandia.........HOME
15: Collonie................Away
16: Lovisa..................HOME
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME

Dear Diary,

I have decided to commit unspeakable acts.

That is why I am going to record them here, with you, Dear Diary. What I do and what happens to me will be written here and read by me alone.

There are too many things that cannot be done in Errinundera. The United Nations reports that my nation is a left wing utopia with “superb” personal freedoms. Superb? This is a nation that bans things left, right and centre. Life is short. There is so much to do.

I want to know what it’s like to eat freshly cooked meat.

I want to shoot something.

I want to feel the wind on my face as I ride a motorcycle on a bitumen road.

I want to inhale upon a cigarette.

I want to sniff real leather.

I want to feel it against my skin.

I want to wear real leather football boots and kick the shit out of a real leather football.

I want to set to against a healthy tree with an axe.

I want to kill a potoroo. (Gosh, did I really write that?)

I want to be a policeman.

These things can be done. In other countries but not my own. Ah, but I have the opportunity. As part of the Errinundera World Cup team entourage I travel the world. I am going to liberate myself. I am going to sample those things my nation denies me. Life is sweet for some. Life can be sweet for me.

**************************

The first chance came yesterday when the potoroos visited Green Wombat: they sell hamburgers at their games.

Now, it's amazing how hard it is for a team official to buy something at an international football match. For starters I have to be available at all times in case a player has problem with their boots – especially during the 90 minutes of play. On top of that all our meals are provided by either the host nation or, where they can’t or won’t meet our dietary requirements, by our own team management. You wouldn’t believe the kerfuffle I created when I declined lunch. Even rosaniel asked me if I was feeling okay.

As it turned out, I didn’t get a chance to dash out until the game had ended and all the players had their boots packed safely away. By that time all the vendors had closed down. Convincing myself that I should be able to buy a hamburger somewhere in the stadium I went searching.

Now, in Errinundera we don’t allocate seats at football matches – it’s first in, best undressed. As a result no sections of our stadiums are “members only” or off-limits. It seems I ended up somewhere where I shouldn’t have and some blokes in uniforms demanded to know who I was. They didn’t believe my story about being the foot masseur for the potoroos and marched me away and shoved me into the back of a white vehicle with blue lights and bars on the windows and a large, loose lump of concrete. They went very fast, especially when changing direction.

So instead of getting a hamburger I got my first ever car ride. Problem was, though, I had to hold onto to concrete block very tightly – it might’ve killed me. In any case, I couldn’t see out the windows.

When we finally stopped they pushed me roughly into a small building which looked a bit like a shop except some of the walls and doors were made out of iron bars. I tried to convince them that I really was with the Errinundrian team but they thought this was very funny. They reckoned that my accent didn’t sound foreign. I have to admit that the Green Wombat and the Errinundrian accents are very similar.

Eventually one of the men in uniform suggested that he and a mate go and get some dinner for the “station”. Someone suggested burgers. I asked if I could have one. They thought this was hilarious. “Yeah, get him a fat mac,” said another. And so I finally got to try a real fair-dinkum hamburger.

When it arrived, I disassembled it so I could see how it was constructed. Around the outside was some grey, semi-translucent papery substance. Was this edible? The rest of the hamburger consisted of various unidentifiable things sloshed together between two semi spherical yellowy – browny coloured things. The translucent material seemed to be some sort of wrapping. Given that hamburger already came in a box made of some white material that I had never seen the likes of before, it seemed to me to be very wasteful.

Anyway, I nibbled on the translucent stuff and, seeing as it tasted a bit like paper, I assumed it must be paper made from some strange semi-transparent tree. The hamburger proper was equally strange and daunting. The things on the outside were very soft and charred on the surface facing the interior. When I pulled away the charred section it was snowy white underneath. I tried it but it tasted the same as the “paper” so I figured that this must be more wrapping and put them aside with the other wrapping.

I recognised some of the other materials. There was some fried onions and some lettuce. That was very re-assuring. There was also some red stuff spread over the materials. It tasted like sugar. Under the onion and lettuce was a square of pale yellow material. When I tried to pull a bit off it just stretched into a long string. I must admit it tasted not too bad even if sort of slightly off.

The major item was a circular object about 10 cm across and 1 cm thick. It was lumpy and oily to touch. It had a very strong, unpleasant smell. When I broke a bit off, it was a sort of greyish colour inside.

Not sure how to eat the thing I just put the circular bit, the yellow square, the onions and lettuce all together, and bit into it as best I could. I hadn’t eaten for over 12 hours so I was very hungry. I can’t honestly say I enjoyed myself but I was able to swallow it.

As I finished the iron-barred door was opened and, to my joy, there was my darling zenoida and jeruddia. I heard one of the men in uniform say, “The way he ate that hamburger, I knew he must be an Errinundrian." Fortunately, zenoida didn’t hear him. I gave her and a our daughter a big, big hug each.

I tell you what though. The next 24 hours I had the worst constipation in my entire life. Anyway, for the record, Green Wombat 2 (Erba 36; Derusha 82) lost to Errinundera 3 (rosaniel 13, 61; carltu 50). The leighm medal votes were rosaniel 3, matherosperma 2, carltu 1.

Yours faithfully

mckennap
Foot masseur and bootstudder to the potoroos

NEXT MATCH

Opponent
Swilatia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Swilatia)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Swilatia.png

Starting Team (gender, club, age, position, WC experience)
rosaniel (gq, Milosis, 33, striker, WC30, 31 & 32)
lyseup (f, Bendoc, 29, striker, WC31 & 32)
carltu (f, Mount Ellery, 25, striker, WC32)
matherosperma (m, Forest Shining, 31, midfielder, WC30, 31 & 32)
zirza (f, Rodger River, 28, midfielder, WC31 & 32)
ysteri (f, Bonang, 26, midfielder, WC32)
nykeo (f, Mount Ellery, 24, midfielder)
denticulatae (m, Goongerah, 30, defender, WC30, 31 & 32)
urumi (f, Bola Mine, 24, defender)
uiliod (m, Milosis, 23, defender)
owiavi (gq, Deddick, 29, goalkeeper, WC31 & 32)

Substitutes
adicksonia (m, Ellery Camp, 32, striker, WC30, 31 & 32)
matthieug (f, Delegate, 25, midfielder, WC32)
ragle (f, First Creek Falls, 26, defender, WC32)
haimaidu (f, First Creek Falls, 19, defender)
evolu (f, McKillops Bridge, 33, goalkeeper, WC31 & 32)

Ground
Ootopia Forest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Ootopia_Forest)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png

NUOR PHOLOR L'LOWLAND CLANS
ROLL ON THE LOWLAND CLANS

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News

First off the Commonwealth News team would like to reiterate that while we are able to edit written comments before our newspapers are printed, comments spoken live over various audio visual forms of technology can not be edited and therefore all comments made are the views of the individual and may not represent the views of the Commonwealth as a whole. We do however send our apologies to The Holy Empire for Gemma Lloyd's derision of their kits as we actually think they look very nice.

Now thats over with, on to the football. Fort Europe travel to the Lowland Clans later today where they will again be looking for a victory on foreign soil, and a chance at a major upset as the Lowland Clans lay as high as ninth in the NS world rankings. The Clansmen played away in their first match against Demot who concocted a stunning five goals to send the Clans packing but Stuart Moss isn't so confident of a turn over today and has been taking the cautious route in training to make sure the defense stays tight together and their shots on goal remain on target, something that was severely lacking in their last game.

So the team for today stays more or less the same, with West in goal and Ryan Holmes holding onto the captains armband with Tim Forrester resigned to bench. The only change in the line up is Shaun Pearson's return to the start sheet in place of Aki Haddon who broke a nail in training yesterday. Michelle Bishop and Karl Isaak retain their ever popular partnership up front as Michelle will be looking to put her name on the score sheet this time round after failing to do so in the last match. Here's the full team sheet:

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

GK - James West
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Ryan Holmes (C)
MF - Mia Nevola
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Tim Forrester
DF - Mike Young
MF - Andy Fletcher
AF - Josephine Blanchard

Elghinn ulu l'Ugulthac'zilen

"Hello, and welcome to the NSN's coverage of Kelssek playing football. We're just minutes away from kickoff of the match against Elves Security Forces, a qualifier for the 33rd World Cup. Well, we thought we'd send our correspondent-at-large Timothy McDonald to see some of Kelssek's own elves. He joins us from Alavaria. the provincial capital of Eryn Firith. Tim, how- holy crap, what happened to you?"

A disheveled-looking man with mud-encrusted clothing and scrapes on his face appeared on screen. "It's in the video..."

---

"The forest is quite nice, reminds me of the time I was in school and we had a camp in Algonquin Provincial Park, and beavers stole our food and a helicopter had to pick us up. Anyway, they say you're not supposed to enter Elvardein on your own, you have to wait for them to come and guide you in. We're getting near the boundary I thin--YAAUGH!!"

(cut)

"Okay, this is like some tiger trap or something, it's been... what, 10 minutes now? Someone's coming. Oh, it's elves. Hi guys! Timothy McDonald from NSN!"

---

"Okay we met there and I had to interview them upside down hanging from the trap... I'm... just going to take... a shower... and lie down..."

---

"Are you cheering for Kelssek or ESF today?"

"Uh, I guess we're neutral on this. Are you sure you're okay?"

"No, I'm fine! Thanks... Er, are you big fans of football?"

"We watch it now and then..."

"So this is it, then?"

"The Druidish Lands."

"Indeed. What's that sign over there?"

"Welcome to Thackworth. It looks a lot less rubbley than when we were last here, Bethan. "

"It is. There's people and everything."

"These are the people who Trefor and Huw must've seen. Obviously they weren't prepared for this influx of Druidans."

"To be honest, neither were we."

"Well, no. But you can't move in this place. It's just one massive car park."

"Well, there's more cars than there is road, here. So wveryone's just got up, left their cars and walked to Llllllllllcwllllllll."

"Thackworth, Bethan."

"Yeah. Whatever it's called."

"Isn't it weird, though. It's almost as if we've never been away, never mind as if it's never been flattened by giant dodgeballs."

"Maybe we should ask one of the locals."

"But we're the locals!"

"OK, these... other locals."

"Mam! Dad!" Trefor interrupted his parents chattering.

"What now? We've told you, we're all out of drink for now."

"No, I don't want a drink. You know what that gin does to my head."

"So what then."

"Come and have a look at this."

Trefor's parents, Bethan and Rhys, went over to him. He was stood by a newspaper stand.

"You know the paper we got in HC?"

"The Communist Times?"

"No, the one we actually bought. The Druidan one."

"The Daily Druid?"

"That's the one!"

"Yeah?"

"Well, look!"

And, sure enough, on the newspaper stand...

The Daily Druid
Reporting to the parts nobody else cares about.

COOKING ON GAS
290541 reports on Cookesland 2-2 Druida

Druida managed to open their World Cup qualifying campaign solidly yesterday by securing a point in their opener against Cookesland...


"But... that's not our version. We haven't even entered the World Cup!"

"I know."

"This is weird!"

"You're telling me!"

"Maybe we could start talking to them?"

"But... they could be crazy!"

"Look, there's two and a half million Druidans making their way into this city today. It's not as if they're going to outnumber us, is it?"

"Well..."

"And if we're going to stay, then surely we're going to have to live side by side with them?"

"Well..."

"Look, my boy, you just stay here. We'll buy the paper first. Read up on them. Then we'll see where we can go from there."

Rhys picked up a paper and went to the counter.

"I'd like to buy this please."

"What is your number?"

"What?"

"Your number. What is your number?"

"My... you mean my phone number? No, we had to leave our phones in Hockey Cana..."

"Your... number..."

"What... look, can't I just pay for this newspaper?"

"Pay? What do you mean, pay? You can have the newspaper when you give me your number!"

"Number?" Rhys tried to think fast. Age, perhaps? "Uh... 42?"

"You're not 42! You can't be 42!"

"What?"

"There is no 42! What are you?"

"What am I? I'm a Druidan man!"

"Then what is your number?!?!?"

"I don't... oh, I'm not standing for this," and handing a small handful of Hockey Canadian coins over, he left the shop.

Or, at least, he tried. "What is this?"

"What is what?"

"This. These small metal discs."

"They're... coins..."

"What is coins?"

"I'm sure someone else will probably explain it to you at some point today."

And he walked out, back to his family.

"This place is odd, Bethan. They don't have coins!"

"Well, maybe they just use notes."

"Maybe so."

"So, what's the news around this place?"

"Well, Hockey Canada's vanished, and lots of people are expected to come to Druida."

"I think we knew that already."

"And President 3 wants us all to try and get on with each other."

"President 3? What kind of a name for a president is that?"

"It beats President Unnamed Helper."

"He was called President Idder. It was just that that Margaret fella wouldn't disclose his name."

"Oh yeah."

"So anyway. Is there a picture of this President 3?"

"Yes. And he looks... familiar."

"He looks a bit like... Trevor Chem."

"Wasn't he that businessman from Graymouth?"

"Apparently. Thought he could travel in time but only ended up electricuting himself."

"Idiot."

"But it can't be him. Because he's dead."

"Maybe... a son..."

"Maybe. Where does he live?"

"He lives in... Chemindus Tower!"

"Bit of a giveaway, then."

"We've got to spread the news." Rhys turned to the crowds and started shouting. "EVERYONE TO CHEMINDUS TOWER! PASS IT ON!"

The cries started to go up amongst the crowd. Then Bethan pointed something out.

"Um, where is Chemindus Tower?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure someone'll find it soon enough. I mean, how hard can it be to miss a tower?"

RP Cutoff for MD2

< a radio voice announces> “welcome to WTRU’s latest program, the Voice of Truth with your host Mike McPhee>”


“That’s right its me, your future president and known everywhere as the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee. This is my show where I talk about what I want to and ain’t no one gonna stop me!

“Sure some of the bleedin’ hearts out there want to talk about the military, foreign relations, jobs and stuff like that but first I want to get something off my chest. Long time readers of my columns know what I’m going to say. That’s right soccer. Sorriest excuse for a sport I’ve seen. And it’s that time every four years or so where two or three people get all excited because a host of scoreless draws are coming their way. And hey if both of you are listening go to our sister station WSOC to hear about how Jakes and the older MacDougal scored to barely escape with a win against some sorry excuse for a squad.

“I mean look at the team, bunch of losers now led by the biggest loser of all. Hey Masterson, maybe if you didn’t keep putting your over the hill carcass on of the field maybe the team might win. Not that anyone cares about that garbage. I mean look at all the money we waste on this stuff.

“Today was who Aqua Moose? What kind of country is Aqua Moose? Do they live in this big domed city under the ocean somewhere and Aquaman is their king and the Justice League hangs out? Think about the costs. Renting a sub. Scuba gear, breathing equipment not to mention trying to play under tons of sea pressure. I swear the TSF is trying to kill these people, your fellow Tynelians!! Sure this match might have been at home for us, and us only in that we’re all Tynelians- don’t think I’ve gone soft on ya- but my comments still stand. Think about how many poor starving Tynelians that could be fed with the money used to send a team down there whenever they have to go there if it wasn't today!

“I mean sure maybe these players on our team couldn’t cut it in any real sports that they had to settle for this sissy sport but hey, it’s not like I want anything bad to happen to them or any other Tynelians. Just that the wasted money go to more important things. I know my listeners out there agree with me. A couple dozen people flying all over the world just so they can lose again and again? There’s stubbornness and then there’s just plain stupidity. You tell me where we’re at right now?

“I say if people want to play football then play football not some foreign wannabe sport that makes a mockery of the real game!”

“Bah , they’re telling me I’m out of time. Didn’t even get a chance to hear what my peeps out there have to say this program. Didn’t even get to go over my more environmentally sound and safe Tynelia plan. Have to take care of that next time. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not!”

“So son, have we taken care of those Spaniards on the field of battle today?” King John IV asked his eldest son as the two relaxed on the palace terrace enjoying the comfortable summer air.

“Afraid not father, it seems your plan to mask everyone confused some of the players. We were defeated 1-0.” The crown prince John replied.

“What!?! Are they fools? The idea was to confuse the foe not themselves. How could they have ruined my brilliant plan?”

“They also claim that the heavy woolen uniforms you provided to disguise their build as well seems to have exhausted several players by the end of the match, that was how the Spaniards prevailed at the end of the match.” The prince continued.

“Weaklings! Weaklings and fools, no true knight would succumb to such petty deprivations, I knew I should have sent better troopers to defend my honour on the field of battle. Did any of them show any signs of life at least? A pity about the disguises, makes it more difficult to know who to behead.”

“Well father, Miller Wallace did well but his legend proceeded him and he was well covered the whole time. Of the rest Black Knights #1 seemed unbothered by the warmth and Black Knight #3 had a couple of scoring changes. Other than those three no one stood out. Black Knight #4 did get a yellow card for tackling someone from behind however.”

“Bah, that foolish Knight, him getting a yellow card is like ME getting a yellow card. And that is unacceptable boy! Have the fool benched immediately!”

“Yes father.”

No Violence Following Steamed Crabs Draw Against Lethislavania

CLUICHABAD, CLUICHSTAN -- Unlike the kicking of puppies (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=100) that followed Cluichstan's loss to Quintessence of Dust in its first qualifying match, there was no violence after the Steamed Crabs' draw with Lethislavania. Officials attribute the lack of violence to new security measures put in place for the match at Palpatine Road in Cluichabad.

http://www.hairyfishnuts.com/images/stormtroopers.jpg
Cluichstani security forces subdue a would-be hooligan after the match at Palpatine Road.

Cluichabad Police Commissioner Nodrog bin Cluich hailed the event as a total success. "Our men kept the peace. That's their job, and they did it splendidly," he said. "Of course, it probably helped that we didn't lose the match. Thank the Great Cluich for Azzag's brilliant equaliser in the 88th minute! What a crackerjack shot!"

The Steamed Crabs will host Krytenia at Palpatine Road for its next match. The same security measures are expected to be in place.

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths In Dreamland
Schiavonia 4-0 The Holy Empire of Alasdair I Frosticus

The King Francesco Stadium played host to it's first game since the death of the great man against the "soft and lazy" dreamers from the Holy Empire.

Apparently, according to our last opponents Fort Europe, we were expecting a team in hideously coloured kits. But they wore a reasonably stylish gold, red and black uniform. And here was us thinking that they were going to turn up in something like the Druidan third kit (http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/NEWI/home.gif), which was so hideous that it didn't even get mentioned in the teams roster.

Anyway, the match was played in a nice friendly atmosphere, with righteousness seemingly the order of the day for everyone other than Shiela Blige. She felt it was more of an opportunity to actually show off. So that's what she did. Scoring four goals that seemed to go heavily against the spirit of the game, as they were all past the Holy Empire's goalkeeper Michael Prodomoso.

I mean, surely the friendly thing to do would have been for both teams to just let each other score rather than score themselves, but hey. They probably deserved to edge it by the odd goal anyway. Or maybe four. Nobody's actually counting, are they?

Anyway, the result means that Schiavonia are the only team in Group 3 with a 100% record. And, quite significantly, they have a six point advantage against the team thought of as their main rivals, The Lowland Clans. After two games! Pretty impressive, eh?

Final Score
Schiavonia 4 (S. Blige 28, 49, 53, 66)
Alasdair I Frosticus 0

- - - - -

"Mr. Lowe?"

"Yes."

"I wondered if you could be of assistance."

"Um... of course."

"I'm Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov."

"Who?"

"Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov."

"Um.. OK. What can I do for you Mr Hels... Mr Hiltzen... Mr Hasselhoff."

"Well, you might well have hear of me. I played in goal for Druida in the World Cup 23 final."

"Sorry. That'll have been in the year 92. Competitive sport was banned in Schiavonia until a year after that."

"Oh."

"Druida, you say. Aren't they a new team in our qualifying group?"

"Well, yes. Except it's not us."

"What d'you mean, it's not you?"

"Well, I work as part of the Druidan Football Association, and I can categorically deny that they have anything to do with us."

"So who are they, then?"

"Well, that's what we're trying to figure out. The team play here next game. Is there any chance you could get a few of our officials in for the game to see what's going on?"

"Not a problem, Mr... Elmo. How many of you?"

"Just five. Myself, Frank Gessemschmitthaagen-Po..."

"Do you come from a nation of people with stupidly unpronouncable names?"

"What?"

"Well, you and this Frank guy. Who else, John Hurgenflurgenschlurgenmeier?"

"No. The three Jones brothers."

"Oh. Well, it'll be a pleasure to have you here."

"...and well, the score is 4-4 and they seem to be debating if they should score the extra goal for the win."

"Ah'd say taek thee win. Yer not gonna always be havin' a black hole sucking up thee opposition into another dimension or summink!"

"Would it be bad sportsmanship, you think?"

"Aaaahhhh wail, yer gotta taek thee points, yer know? Kelssek wont be winnin' a 'hole lot of offen, I theink, just get it intae thee net 'cause there's other gaems we're gonna lose!"

"And yes, it looks like Vincent Arsenault has indeed side-footed it calmly into the net and the crowd is looking more than a little fustrated here. In fact they appear to be rioting in some places."

"An whoo ken blame dem, reely? Should launch a complaint 'gainst the quantum mechanics union or sommthin'!"

"Where's Mr. Chem?"

"What?"

"Mr. Chem. The guy who runs this place!"

"I do not know a Mr. Chem."

One of the mob of Druidans at the foot of Chemindus tower got out a copy of The Daily Druid with his picture on it. "This man. President 3!"

"He is not here."

"Then where is he?"

"Why do you want to see him?"

"We want answers!"

"Well, maybe I can answer for you."

"The receptionist?"

"63422, actually."

"What?"

"63442. Now, if you each give me your numbers, I'll deal with you all in turn."

"Don't give us any of this 'give me your numbers' rubbish! We have names! Not numbers!"

"But what if two of you get the same name?"

"So what?"

"So. Numbers are better. Plus you can't ask anything without your numbers."

"What kind of place is this?"

"It's a perfect direct democracy, sir."

"A what?"

"A perfect direct democracy."

"Direct? What does that mean?"

"It means we all get a say in how our people are run."

"What? How?"

"The President takes all of our opinions, puts them in a computer, then he lets us live how we want to accordingly."

"How does he do that?"

"You'd have to ask him that."

"Well where is he?"

"He's not here right now. Now, if you give me your numb..."

"Well, if he's IS NOT here, then where IS he?!?!?"

"At the football."

"Football?"

"At the Sedgefield Park."

"The... what?"

"Can't you see the crowds going there? It's our first home game of the campaign today. Demot are coming to play."

"And he's there?"

"Of course he is! What kind of leader doesn't go to his team's home games?"

"OK then. Everyone, to Sedgefield Park!"

"SEDGEFIELD PARK!!! Wait... where's Sedgefield Park?"

"I'm sure someone'll find it..."

Elven Times
Black and Blue

What has just transpired has to be one of the most bizarre and unexplainable things to ever happen on a football pitch. A black hole came down out of the sky, and literally sucked away the entire Marauders squad after a goal by Kiso Night had put the elves up comfortably at four to nil. This act of nature is trying to be explained, but such occurrences are usually the stuff of lore and not in the realm of reality. Thankfully, the squad reappeared somewhere in Demot, and will be back in the ESF tomorrow, after which they will receive the week off from training to see a few doctors and psychiatrists, to make sure they suffered no ill effect from their journey through the nethers of time and space.

Well before this act of nature stunned the entire country, there was indeed a football match going on. In said match, the Marauders were completing dominating their oppenents in every facet of the game, clearly taking out their frustrations from the previous weeks draw. The squad dominated the possession in the first half a whooping 75% to 25%, outplaying and outsmarting the Kelssekians at every turn and tackle. The Great Leader was the first to actually crack the purity of the Kelssek net, after he delivered off a great feed from the growing star of Constant.

Of course the starlet of Kyla Night would let even her own teammates and national leader upstage her. With the play being dictacted by the elves, the talented beauty was able to put the most grand of strikes in. She had gotten a pretty pass from Cuellar, and had spun by Pierre-Luc Dubois on her way to goal. When Richard Davis closed off the angle, the lass then put on a clinic of how to use your feet, as she lifted the ball onto her right foot, spun her foot around giving the ball some lift, and then smacked it home off of Davis' face and into the netting.

It was more of the same in the second half, just complete domination and humilation for the Kelssekians, which was saddening at the moment, considering the new found friendship amongst the nations. But it's like Jas Hatire used to say, "You can be the best of friends elsewhere, but when you step into the realm of competition, there are no friends apart from your team mates. You take no prisoners, and you do what you must to continue on." The legendary war hero would of been proud of the Marauders squad then on this day. They were taking it to the Kelssek squad with everything they could muster, even when Zacharius was clipped in the 67th minute and had to be replaced by his son Kiso, things still went well for the Marauders, as Cuellar sent in a brilliant free kick that Davis had no business even tipping off the crossbar as it flew in.

Things were quieting down, and the fans began to look forward to their dinner and the mass amounts of wine they would be drinking in glorious celebration of their squad's day when Kiso struck. The yuongster had gone the legnth of the pitch after Florez stripped Francois St. Louis out on the wing in the Marauders end of the pitch. He had turned many defenders, and went inside out on Jonathan Hanson, and then put away the goal in the corner past Davis as if he was a seasoned veteran. The blood of his parents clearly runs strong in the lad, for his talent, skill, and professionalism are all profound for a elf of his age.

That's when the disaster struck. The Kelssekians wasted no time, and put home four empty netters quickly to ensure the draw. That's when they stalled for a moment, trying to decide if getting the winning goal after all that would be a move of good sportmanship. However Vincent Arsenault was not going to wait for his squad to make up their mind, and sent in the winning shot from forty yards out. Despite this crazy ordeal, the elves did show their skill in this match, and it is hoped that it can continue on as they play the dreaded Jerus next, in a match that suddenly looks like a must win for the Marauders.

Elves Security Forces 4
Raynor (27)
Kyla Night (38)
Cuellar (64)
Kiso Night (86)

Kelssek 5
Henri Cournoyer (87,87,88)
Laurent Dubois (89)
Vincent Arsenault (89)

Article by Luna Santapa

Eels Shocked in loss to Long-Winded Nation

The Turori Eels have dropped their first result of a young qualifying campaign to debutant nation Schorteskatascansolani by a 1-2 scoreline in Schorteskatascansolani. The loss is an embarrasment to the entire nation of turori, despite the fact that neighbors Vilita are off to an even worse start with two defeats. After the match, Interim Turori coach Antamila Veruuen was critical of the referreeing throughout the course of the mathc.

This is the third straight cup where we've had Atlantian Oceanian referees at the matches. In World Cup 31, we had the Vilitan referees who were superb. They had a great handle on what was going on in the match and how to interpret all of the different situations. there were also the Lowland clans referees who were a little out of it, but always had the Vilita referees to thelp them get the decisions right.

Then World Cup 32 came and Geisenfried and Milchaman referees looked to adapt the same style as the Vilitans and Lowland Clanners the cup before, but the Milchamans were completely incompetent and didn't even show up for a match until halfway through qualification. Unfortunately, in that time the Geisenfried referees had developed their own form of the Vilitan system, grabbing hold of some of the key ideas but leaving out little details along the way evident in the decisions making on the pitch and the results that followed.

Then, when it was announced that World Cup 33 was once again being awarded to Atlantian Oceania, Az-Cz and Quakmybushan referees were quick to look towards te Vilitan referring system that shone in world Cup 31. However, instead of getting assistance directly from our former colonial rulers, the World Cup 33 referees trained alongside those referees fro mWorld Cup 32 and Geisenfried, acquiring the same mutated style that began appearing throughtut the course of that cups qualification campaign. It's only two matches in, but already there have been more than a few questionable decisions, not only by the referees on the pitch but also by the tournament organizers who have arranged matches for nations that no longer exist, leaving many qualifying groups up in the air as to whether all of their matches will be played and whether some nations will have an advantage over others.

Will the Atlantian Oceania style mutate further from the glory that was World Cup 31, or will the first two matchdays of World Cup 33 turn out to be no more than a footnote in a World Cup for the ages?

Only time will tell...

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png Zwangzug 3-4 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Ariddians not at their best

In their first away match of the competition, the Rouge-et-Noirs struggled to snatch three points from fellow socialist nation Zwangzug. An injury in the twenty-first minute meant that star goalkeeper Xavier Xu had to limp off the field, thrusting Sio Epa into hir first proper international match, with little time to warm up.

The game started well enough, with Trevor Komu scoring the first goal in the thirteenth minute, and John Andrews scoring another in the seventeenth. At that point, the Ariddians looked in superb form, and supporters were cheering happily. But in football, things can change very quickly.

A rare mistake by Ke Sho gave Phillip Stings an opening for Zwangzug. Xu lurched in to intervene, but somehow tripped himself up and went sprawling, just as Stings passed to Yul Maughum. With an open goal cage in front of him, Maughum scored, the ball slamming past Selan Mataitai who had rushed in as a last line of defence.

But now players and spectators realised that Xu was not getting up again. Clutching his ankle, the tall, thin goalie was grimacing in pain. Some spectators apparently believed Stings had tripped him up, but Xu himself was able to confirm he had fallen on his own. Eventually, the goalkeeper was helped off the field, and Sio Epa was sent in to replace him.

The fa’afafine player had not been expecting to be called upon so soon, and indeed conceded a goal to Stings in the twenty-seventh minute. 2-2.

The rest of the first half seemed very balanced – which, many Ariddians would argue, it should not have, given that the Rouge-et-Noirs were supposed to be the superior team. Zwangzug played an excellent game, defending well and attacking regularly.

Komu brought Ariddia back into the lead early in the second half, but Zwangzug, refusing to be impressed, equalised yet again. It is rare for the Rouge-et-Noirs to concede three goals in one match, and supporters were looking distinctly worried.

In the seventy-sixth minute, a free kick by Chloé al Safi led, after some confusion, to a goal by Ie O, a substitute midfielder brought in to freshen up the team and give them new impetus. Now the Rouge-et-Noirs had to hold on to their narrow lead. That they would was far from obvious.

A mistake by Mataitai gave Zwangzug a dangerous penalty kick. . . but Epa saved it, and Ariddians gave cheers of relief. After that, all went well, relatively speaking. The Rouge-et-Noirs kept their opponents away from their goal cage, and won the match with a very narrow margin.

“We’re going to have to do a lot better than this,” coach (and former player) Yves al Jahdali said bluntly. “Of course the main reason why we struggled is because Zwangzug has a very good team. But we should have done much better all the same.”

It is not yet certain whether Xu will be able to take part in the next match.

USS, DRAA, LLAR, QUEN, NIN LEST KYORL L'LOWLAND CLANS NEZ!
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, NOW LETS WATCH THE LOWLAND CLANS SCORE!

The Lowland Clans - 1 - V - 4 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/009.jpg
The Fort Europe Girls celebrate Michelle's first goal

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

It almost seems impossible when looking at this result to think that Fort Europe was the underdogs going into this match. However the out come speaks for it's self, an overwhelming upset created by our own Fort Europe side. It all started with a great move through the middle spurred on by the roaring sound of the Fort Europe Traveling Supporters Club band after just ten minutes of play which ended with the ball at the feet of, you guessed it, Michelle Bishop. One second the ball was there just outside the eighteen yard box, and the next it was bouncing up and down in the back of the net. Jensen Liptings in the Clans' goal could only scratch his head in amazement, an action that seemed to have been duplicated around the entire stadium.

That girl scored again just twenty minutes later after a through ball from Vicky Princess cut through the defense and sent the starlet striker clean through on goal, leaving her to tap the ball under Liptings and into the waiting net. Karl Isaak slotted home the just before the break to give the traveling supporters their moneys worth before both teams headed for the changing rooms. The second half was played at a slower pace with Stuart Moss telling his players to take it easy topped of by two defensive substitutions. Katherine Keller's response to this however was to charge down the right side and place a cross onto the head of Karl Isaak who's shot was blocked by the legs of the keeper who could only watch as the ball fell to Andy Fletcher who had the simple task of putting it into the open net.

The Lowland Clans did however get one back before the end when Christiano Toldo was brought down on the edge of the Fort Europe area by Ryan Holmes. Toldo squared the freekick short to Taitum Jopolik who fired the ball into the top corner from distance. The Clansmen will be rightly upset to have received a second thrashing from a lower rated side but for Fort Europe there will only be jubilation on the flight back home. Elsewhere the Elves lost in a nine goal shooting fest, while Assegai scored three while the lads from Random Toast were chatting up a couple of girls outside Mr Vanstone's burger van. In group three, Schiavonia collected three more points, and Demot could only manage a draw at Druida.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

8 - James West
8 - Floe Peltsten
7 - Murphy Lee
7 - Shaun Pearson
7 - Gemma Lloyd
8 - Katherine Keller
9 - Ryan Holmes (C)(58) []
8 - Mia Nevola
9 - Vicky Princess
10 - Michelle Bishop (11, 31)
9 - Karl Isaak (44)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Tim Forrester
7 - Mike Young (On for Lee (45))
8 - Andy Fletcher (On for Lloyd (45))
- - Josephine Blanchard

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/014.jpg
Andy Fletcher scores Fort Europe's fourth

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0030.jpg
A yellow for James Mackingley

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0031.jpg
Taitum Jopolik takes aim


Z'hin pholor xuil kestal wun dosst xukuth

"Welcome everyone to tonight's coverage of World Cup 33 on Quod FM, brought to you in association with Silverlight Razors: the finer blade, for the discerning emo. I'm Brian Gobbleson. With me tonight is Rodney McMarsh."

"Good evening everyone."

"The ground here at Keto Olympic Stadium is packed full, with a strong showing for the nominal home side, Commerce Heights JSY. But there's plenty of black, gold and green mixed in there too, as loyal Quodites turn out to cheer on their team for about twenty minutes before getting bored and ripping the chairs out. As the teams prepare to kick-off beneath, your prediction, Rodney."

"In the Castle of Figueras on a misty day a sovereign prince will be born of an infamous woman: surname of breeches on the ground will make him posthumous, never was there a King so very bad in his province."

"Thanks Rodney, you useless sack of crap. Much of the early betting has favoured the locals, but both sides stand a good chance tonight, and we're hoping for an exciting game for all involved. Ok, it's Bolúfero who kicks off, opening up this Matchday 2 Qualifying Round for World Cup 33, brought to you live and exclusive on Quod FM, in association with Silverlight Razors: it's down the street, not over the road..."

"...well this game has been pretty fucking boring so far, and none of these little turds has looked like doing anything much, and oh my they've scored. Yes, JSY have gone one-nil up, and that goal really came out of nowhere. I mean, there was a massive goalline scramble, but like I was saying, that girl in the orange top really does have huge knockers. Anyway, I think the scorer was...yes, it was No. 6, Brandon Richardson, successfully sliding his shot, oh how embarrassing, right between Winchester Furman's legs. What a pity. Ron."

"Well I especially liked the bit about the llamas."

"Thank you Ron, you stinking pile of monkey droppings. Some battered spirits here at Keto Olympic Stadium as our boys - and girl, sorry Jessica - in black have gone one goal down on the cusp of the eleventh minute, that the first real scoring opportunity this match has seen, except for that other one, with the pelican. But now, the Quodites launching a sturdy counter-offensive."

"Sturdy, yes. Sturdy and strong, firmly wrought, sculpted in solid man-rock."

"Fascinating Ron, you gigantic queefmonger. It's Rogers, with the pass away to Renard. Taking it on it's Renard, and he's beaten Daniels well there, flicking the ball on, is it into empty space, no, it's a great run by Yellowback, who's come right around, and he's crossing, and this is exciting now, and he whips the ball across to Jensen, who shooooots...stunning save! Great reactions there from Petersdorf, turning the ball over the ball, a good rising shot from Jensen. Corner to Quintessence of Dust, and bodies crowding the box now. They're being swept up off the field now, good, not a pretty sight. Marberger seems to be trying to tear off his marker's shirt. And the corner is...rolled back to Achten, charging in, booming cross - and it's a goal! Great goal by Dennis Young, leaning in, and beating Mantesanso to the ball, heading firmly down, and the scores are levelled within ninety seconds: we really have a game on our hands now, Ron."

"Sometimes when I think about gerbils I rub myself in the bad place."

"I quite agree Ron, you fetid hunk of garbage..."

"...another engrossing battle down on the right flank, as we look at it, where a lot of the action has been focussed tonight. Renard and Yellowback have been linking up well, and now it's Yellowback on the ball, with Marberger in space, but he's turned and passed inside, a difficult angle, Rogers running onto the ball, and a terrible foul! Oh, quite dreadful, from Troy Daniels, the midfielder. Not sure what he was doing there, but Rogers looks to be in some pain. No, he's up, hopping a little, but it looks to just be shock. Not much of a shock there, though: yellow card, and the first of the night. A clean game so far, but that was a bad challenge, and now Renard setting up the free-kick in potential scoring range. Thirty-two minutes elapsed, the stakes level at one apiece. In he comes, Longhorn and Young running in, but he doesn't need them! Straight in, great goal from Renard, curling it up over the wall and down into the far corner. Perhaps the goalkeeper could have done more, but an excellent shot nonetheless, and it puts Quintessence of Dust into the lead."

"I -"

"I don't even want to hear it, you perverted sicko-freak..."

"...launching another attack, with Grabmann in dangerous territory, and oh! Oh no, that is not cool. Not cool at all, Dennis Young, and he knows it, trudging away sheepishly. And it's a red! Red card for the Quodite striker, they're down to ten men with five minutes left to play this half. Dreadful lunge in from behind, spraying into Grabmann's legs, no attempt to play the ball. Poor from Young, and he looks downtrodden as he goes into the tunnel."

"So he should, that useless fuck! That useless, useless fuck!"

"Damn straight Ron. But Quintessence of Dust have to regroup now, for the free-kick. Definite scoring opportunity here...but oh, it careers straight into the wall, and an excellent shot snatched up by Richardson from the deflection well saved at the near post by Furman, and Azzinio sends it into orbit, clearing the lines for now..."

"...and there goes the half-time whistle. We've seen plenty of action, including three goals and a sending off. But rather than analyse that, we're going to straight into commercials..."

"...welcome back listeners, and we're about to restart the second half here at Keto Olympic Stadium, with Quintessence of Dust leading Commerce Heights JSY two goals to one. I hope you enjoyed those commercials. Now the second half begins, with live coverage continuing here on Quod FM, in association with Silverlight Razors: cut deeper than ever before in one smooth action."

"I think that's pretty sick, Brian."

"Well I think your face is pretty sick Ron, but I don't go around - oh wait, yes I do, you sick-faced asshole cockmuncher bitch. Anyway, Longhorn, now playing alone up front in the wake of Young's dismissal, passes to Rogers, with both teams coming out unchanged. Rogers on the ball, beats the tackle, good turn, wonderful vision to pick out Jensen's run on the left. Jensen, holding the ball, tries a chip, but it's blocked, but wins it back, and the cross skids across the six yard box, and off the post! Sliding in, Renard got a toe on it, but only for the ball to fly right back at him off the woodwork. Still a chance, with Longhorn in possession at the edge of the box, great turn inside, can he shoot?"

"No."

"We were looking for 'not if his crappy life depended on it', but close enough Ron. The ball sails into the crowd, and the attack retreats..."

"...Bolúfero in possession, hemmed in by two markers, but he slips it past Marberber, and a turn to deceive Williams, leaves them in his wake, and fires from twenty-five yards: and it's a scorcher of a goal! Wonderful play from the JSY striker, taking the ball from an innocuous position, good positional awareness, and a fantastic strike that would have left Furman diving in vain if he'd actually seen the damn thing in the first place. Scores are level again, with just under half an hour left to play."

"If I squeeze it real hard, the discharge is more creamy than sticky."

"Dammit you suck Ron..."

"...you piece of poo, you pile of, and now there's going to be substitutions. Two for Quintessence of Dust, one for JSY. Coming on in Quodite colours, Wilhelm Biber and, my word, Alfred Cynus is indeed going to make a remarkable return to top-level football. Jensen and Longhorn coming off, Longhorn will be disappointed not to have scored, but he's played well tonight, and Jensen, well, she's awful pretty. Though you got nothing on orange top girl, bitch. So it'll be Cynus to play up front for the last twenty minutes, and can this old timer inject some late inspiration into the young side?"

"I used to inject ketamine into my scrotum, but then it fell off."

"Interesting analysis, Ron, you turdburgling sonofabitch...

"...and it's Richardson, trying to break away to the left, Biber marking him tightly, and ouch, a nasty fall there, Biber tapping Richardson's ankle, but a sharp blow. And it appears that Biber has picked up a yellow card for that, harsh by the referee I do feel, but perhaps keen to keep tempers in check late in the game..."

"...now hurling everyone they have forward, desperately seeking a goal to break this tie, and risking conceding it perhaps, though Azzinio is lingering twenty yards behind anyone else...Rogers twisting and turning, but he can't get the ball into the crowded area, lays it back into space, Achten knocks it sideways, Williams charges on, and it's a wonder-goal! What a strike! From thirty yards, Williams positively hoofed it -"

"Positively sositively dositively"

"Shut up Ron, you still molest children. But yes, an amazing shot from central defender Charlie Williams has possibly decided this game, in its eighty-fourth minute. Still being mobbed by his teammates, he can't quite believe it, and nor can the JSY players, who look devastated..."

"...Cynus played at the national level for close to twenty years before moving into a retirement, but the confidence of his stride now belays that, as he runs an arc into the area, no one in support, he can't shoot, he's looking to play it inside, but Rogers is lost back in defence, and he's tripped! Cynus tried to stay up, slamming away a shot into the sidenetting, but the referee has awarded a penalty. The defenders are screaming with wrath, but there are no complaints from the Quintessential camp. And as the referee tries to calm them down, it'll be Rogers to step up to take it; he calmly converted one of these in the Baptism of Fire. Just off two steps...and it's into the post! It crashes back across goal, and defence clears, and there goes the final whistle. A disconsolate ending, but Quintessence of Dust will just be happy to have won. A dramatic match, replete with incident and interest...but we can't stay around to analyse it, because we need to go straight to commercials again. Good night everone."

"Night folks."

"Shut up Ron, you big bloody twat."

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.14

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Kevin Stump, Sir Colin Sandwich, Mr E Jeffries, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were approved.

The Financial Officer reported that there were profits of twelve guineas from the previous activities. These are to be retained in the carried forward fund and the manager at Floyds Bank is to be contacted in this regard (action: FO).

EJ said he had a good idea for the pensions scheme but had forgotten what it was. His Grace asked if it was about enhancements and EJ said no. CS asked whether it was to expand membership and EJ said no. NH asked if it was about investing in the favourite in the National and EJ said no. On EJ's motion (seconded by His Grace) IT WAS RESOLVED nem con sed unus that discussion on the pension scheme be deferred.

The Chairman revealed that he had received a peremptory letter from the Vicar of St Aldhelm's in Borrowbrook. The letter complained that some scullion had appropriated the clappers of the church bells. CJ responded that it was probably just bad luck that all of the clappers had been fished down with a magnet. The Chairman agreed but stated that the letter did not mention magnets. CJ said he was merely guessing how one would remove clappers as he had no idea how else it could be done. NH said that he saw someone remove clappers with a surgical knife but that was on Vet Watch. CJ said that it was a matter for the ecclesiastical authorities and as a matter spiritual rather than footballal it was inappropriate to continue discussion. The Chairman agreed on a point of order that a holding response should be considered and requested Miss Widmore to draft one up.

A request from the Marfield FA stated that the pea for their whistle should be size 4. IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that a the relevant sized pea be sourced from the Acme factory and passed on to the Marfield FA (action: EJ). NH proposed a motion that a pod be sent with the whistle but the motion was not seconded and therefore withdrawn.

EJ reported that the Foldwater FA had agreed to host a tournament with the use of the orange card as previously proposed. The tournament was being sponsored by Sejuice Oranges. The Chairman expressed concern that the number of orange cards might be influenced by the sponsor but EJ said that top referee Mr Bastard was going to be in charge. IT WAS RESOLVED (5-2) that the Foldwater FA be entitled to host the tournament. NH asked who was going to make the orange card. EJ said that Mr Bastard had a fluorescent pen with which he planned to colour in a small white card which should suffice for present purposes.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland beat Delesa by one goal to nil and NH stated that Wentland had the only 100% record in the group. His Grace expressed concern that when leaving the match he was accosted by a working class rapscallion who suggested he might "stick" his ducal ermine "where the sun don't shine". The Chairman asked whether this meant Donington as it was often cloudy there. His Grace was unsure as the match was being held under floodlights. His Grace expressed a wish that the working classes be excluded from matches in future. NH stated that he was working class and proud of it and he was not happy with "stuck up sticky beaks". His Grace agreed that a lark's tongue aperitif was not palatable if the beak were sticky. The Chairman asked whether a definition of working class were available and the Shade stated that there seemed to be all these letters nowadays. His Grace suggested writing a stiff letter to the chairman of Warpstone to ask him to ensure that communists were not allowed to attend matches in future. NH asked how His Grace knew that the person who insulted him was a communist and His Grace said that he found a communist badge in his wallet when he ran him over leaving the ground. The Shade proposed an attaboy for NH and IT WAS RESOLVED 7-1 that NH be attaboyed.

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth back again. Seems like it was only a few hours ago when I made my inaugural address here on this station and here its show-time once again.

“I can’t believe people are still tuning into WSOC, our sister station to hear about another boring draw for the team. Unless you’re one of the MacDougal family- I think they’re about 10% of our population here- as their boys scored. In further proof that this soccer thing needs to be gotten rid of Tynelia had a tie, in a group full of nothing but ties and find themselves tied for first. See a pattern here? Ties equal boredom, even hockey finally figured that out, you think a sport with so many good physical brawling would take so long to realize that having things end like kissing your sister is not the way to go.

“But let’s talk about the enviorment for a second, people think I’m anti-enviorment because I hate soccer. Its not true at all. I believe every home should take in a ferret- which I might point out people didn’t even want to have attached to our O so wonderful soccer team and went with the fat, bloated, slothlike hippo as the team’s mascot. But ferrets need places to roam free. That’s why if elected I vow to turn every useless, space taking soccer field and convert it into a miniature park where ferrets can frolic freely and children can play real sports. Oh and don’t worry real sports fans, for schools with tight budgets that use the same field for both soccer and football, they will remain, I mean after all kids need to learn how to play real sports after all.

“By my count removing all the Tynelian soccer fields could free up thousands upon thousands of acres of land which could be made into an envior-friendly place where people could have fun again and children can learn the important lessons of how to be good winners and losers and bring about standards of decency and sportsmanship into the next generation. Instead of having to go through all their effort for nothing as they finish with their 154th straight draw. What does that teach children? Mediocrity is acceptable? The Voice of Truth says otherwise!

“looks like we have a caller on line one, let’s hear what my supporters have to say. This is the Voice of Truth you’re on the air!”

“Yeah, hi. I heard your show the other day and you were like, all foreigners are bad. Isn’t that you know like, prejudiced and stuff?”

“Well caller you don’t have the facts quite right. I welcome all foreigners to come to Tynelia and help our economy. I support the Olympic committee and their efforts. But I draw the line at spending huge amounts of money to send a bunch of losers that the rest of the world openly mocks for their incompetence to lose again and again to prove that the rest of the world is right. Enough is enough I say. Next caller.”

“Yeah man, could I get a large pizza with mushrooms?”

“Sorry sir, you have the wrong number this is a talk show not a pizza parlor. Next caller, this is the Voice of Truth, you’re on the air!”

“OH MY GOD I’M ON THE AIR!!!! I’m you’re biggest fan Mr. McPhee, I went to your seminar last year ‘Soccer sucks, we shouldn’t!’ and because you inspired me so much I wrote to my congresswoman and now she’s pushing for a bill to convert the local soccer field into a community skating center.”

“That’s great work, what was your name caller?”

“Sherry.”

“That’s great work Sherry, an ice skating rink will provide fun for everyone and keep people cool on those warm days. I hope I have your vote come election time.”

“You know it Mr. McPhee. Can I join your campaign team? I want you to be our next president!”

“Well Sherry it seems we’re out of time here but let me connect you so you can give your number to the director and I’ll call you back in a few minutes once this show is done. Welcome aboard Sherry.

“That’s the kind of dedicated Tynelians I like to see, young and active in the community. That’s what a Mike McPhee presidency means to Tynelia, a place where the youth wants to be a part of the community rather than turn against it. But that’s all the time I have for tonight’s show but I’ll be back again soon enough. Remember to get out there like Sherry and help your community, give and it will give back to you. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”

[Lyle] This is Matchnight Bostopia, and I’m Brian Lyle, welcome to the show. Coming up for you tonight, we’ve got highlights of Bostopia’s match against Bettia, and footage of Elves Security Forces versus Kelssek.

Due to Bettian law, Bostopia will be playing in a specially-commissioned fourth kit, which should be on-screen now.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/bos334.gif

The kit is available in all good sports stores.

And now, we hand over to your commentators in Bettia, Byron Conway, and Ty Avery!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png versus http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png
BETTIA versus BOSTOPIA

[Conway] Welcome to Bettia, home of the Aroras, for today’s qualifying game. Bettia are in Green and Yellow quarters, with green shorts, and Bostopia will be playing in their fourth kit of black with white sides, due to anti-colour red laws in effect.. Ty, how do you think the game will go?
[Avery] Well, with Bettia being ranked much higher than us, you’d say a defeat for Bostopia, but last week we proved we can beat the bigger teams, but I think Bettia will be able to hold us to a draw.
[Conway] Any scores?
[Avery] One – all. We’ll probably snatch an equaliser from somewhere.
[Conway] And, as announced last night by Kelly Firth, here’s the squad, in our usual 4 – 4 – 2.

Dave Kripp in goal, with Neill Freat on the left of defense, Gary Young and Manfred Harrick across the centre with Irringvale Borough’s Craig Hart at right back.

On the left of midfield is Rob Kripp, with Andy Perrar and Captain Steven Serring in the centre, and Dan Reppon starts as our right winger.

Upfront is Ian Kraft and Jamie Trent, scorer of last week’s goal against Northern Caesarea.

[Conway] Alright, well, we’re ready to go, and it’s Bettia to kickoff.

--- 5th Minute ---

[Avery] Corner for Bostopia, this could be an early chance. Serring to take it from the right, sweeps the ball in toward HARRICK! Ooh no, he’s headed the ball just wide…but, the referee has given another corner, to the annoyance of the home crowd.
[Conway] What was he thinking? It was clear that came off Harricks head, though Hartiyanto was nearby, and DID jump, but got absolutely nothing on the ball.
[Avery] Absolutely correct, but here’s Serring with corner…HARRICK AGAIN! NO! Cleared off the line and away for a throw-in!
[Conway] It’s a good thing that didn’t go in, let me tell you.

--- 19th Minute ---

[Avery] And Bettia launch a counter attack, Azmi passes forward to Scott, right to Myfanwy, forward again to Busilanta, he’s got Busilanta and Busilanta ahead of him, but elects to shoOOOT! OH! Well saved by Kripp in goal! But it looks like he’s injured himself in the process of making the save…

--- 21st Minute ---

[Avery] Well, Kripp’s been down for two minutes now, and…yes, they’re bringing him off, Dave Kripp coming off for Henrikstad FC’s Greg Hearn. That’s a like-for-like swap.
[Conway] I’d hope it was Ty, considering they’re both goalkeepers.

--- 24th Minute ---

[Avery] Word coming up to us from the Bostopian changing room now, it turns out Dave’s got a severe twisted ankle and should be out for a week or two.
[Conway] Well that’s a blow, but next weeks game means he won’t be too much bigger a loss than he already is.

--- 37th Minute ---

[Conway] Let’s look at that replay, Trent’s hit it from 30 yards out, and it’s hit the joint of the crossbar and the post! A bit lower and to the right and my god that would have been a marvel of a goal!
[Avery] Definitely, we’re building on the pressure now.

---47th Minute ---

[Avery] The dying moments of the first half now…Hearn plays the ball out with a belting kick to the right flank, which Dan Reppon collects, and is charging down the right flank, plays it inside to SERRIIIIIIIIIING! GOAL! ONE NIL BOSTOPIA! Serring’s hit that from 25 yards out into the bottom-left corner of the net, unstoppable drive! And Bostopia go one-nil up!
[Conway] Oh he’s hit that perfectly, and Michael Ellis had NO chance.

--- 52nd Minute ---

[Conway] Well, Bettia really piling on the pressure and here they come again with a shot from Andi BUSILANTAAAAAAA! CLEARED OFF THE LINE! WOW! That had the beating of Hearn but Young’s managed to get his foot in the way, and the ball, which could have bounced anywhere, went out for a corner.
[Avery] Heavy, heavy pressure from Bettia, can Bostopia survive?

--- 60th Minute ---

[Avery] And Bostopia are making two subs…Kraft off for Dingaer and Peart coming on for Hart.
[Conway] Definitely tactical switches, can’t see any injuries.

--- 61st Minute ---

[Avery] Serring collects the ball on the halfway line, plays it forward to Trent, who knocks the ball over the defenders for Dingaer to run ontoooooo! Saved! And now there’s a counter, Azmi, to Scott, to Bandasera, crosses the ball in looking for BUSILANTAAAAAAA! Well held by Hearn!

--- 77th Minute ---

[Conway] Busilanta comes forward, and oh! He’s been brought down by Young! Who’s been yellow carded, and Bettia win the free-kick 20 yards out.
[Avery] This is goalscoring range, well and truly.
[Conway] Budi Busilanta to take it right footed…and he’s put it wide.

--- 90th Minute ---

[Conway] A late corner for Bettia…they’re piling everyone forward now…the ball’s been swept in, met by the head of KURNIAWAN!! OH! Somehow, somehow saved by Hearn! But it’s still in play! ANDI BUSILANTAAAA! SAVED AGAIN! A fantastic double save by Greg Hearn!
[Avery] That should have been one all, how on each he made a double save I don’t know!

--- 91st Minute ---

[Conway] That’s it, it’s all over. Bostopia win again, that’s two on the trot, and their best ever start to qualifying.

The TV cameras cut back to the studio.

[Lyle] Yes, another win for Bostopia, 6 points, and 2 goals, and third in the group. Next week, we’ll be playing Lovisa at home, but now, after the break, we’ll be showing you Elves Security Forces at home to Kelssek. And watch out for any black holes while you’re making a cup of tea, eh?

World Cup Qualifying – MD2

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Spruitland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spruitland.png
1:1 (0:0)


Match Report:

Port Maypearl, Acapais – After their first home World Cup Qualifying game, Acapais rallied from one goal down to end the match in a 1-1 draw. The draw left Spruitland and Acapais tied for 2nd place in group 6. Wentland tops the group thus far with 6 points.

The match started slowly as the competing nations took about twenty minutes to get a feel for one another. The first half was a story for both teams about earning set pieces and failing to take advantage of them. In the first half alone their were 14 corner kicks and 12 free kicks, 30 yards or closer, for the two nations. Zero goals a piece in the first half was the reward.

The second half started with a very quick pace and finally after one hour Spruitland scored directly from corner kick. Acapais looked beaten until a double give and go between Salazar and Jose produced a spectacular goal from inside the 18. Not the best of games for either nation but both come away with a point.

Scoring:
Spruitland – Jones (unassisted) 61
Acapais – Salazar (Jose) 83

Booking:
Acapais – Jackson (caution; Reckless foul) 83

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar (14 - Jackson, Bradly) 77
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 74
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (15 - Graham Atwater) 71
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose



-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais Starblaydia Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12322892&postcount=84)
Acapais MD1 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12321952&postcount=70)
Acapais MD2 Report

A small group of miserable-looking reporters waited outside Turruth Gordur’s dressing room. They exchanged nervous glances back and forth. One of them clutched a recorder to his chest, shivering.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash and the door blew off its hinges and crashed into the hallway near the reporters. As they shrieked and scrambled out of the way, they heard Turruth Gordur manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad screaming at his players.

“HOW THE HELL CAN YOU IDIOTS DRAW WITH A TEAM WHOSE NATION DOESN’T EVEN EXIST? THAT IS BULLSHIT! I TOLD YOU I WOULDN’T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN VICTORY AGAINST THEM! NO ONE LEAVES THIS STADIUM! FOR THE NEXT WEEK, YOU WILL EAT, SLEEP AND SHIT FOOTBALL!”

He turns and walks out of the door. His imposing 8-foot frame completely eclipses everything in sight. Almost immediately he makes the reporters, who are now shaking with fear in his presence.

“You wanted a quote?” he asks quietly. “You’ve already heard enough.”
He approaches them and sits down between them. “Come to me… Come’on… don’t fear The Butcher,” he says with a wide grin.

The reporters’ eyes grow wide as they exchange looks of disbelief. One of them approaches The Butcher.

“Good,” he says with a sneer. “See? I won’t hurt you.”

The other reporters sit around him in a circle.

“I have no explanation for you,” he says in a steely tone. “I have no idea how we ended up drawing 2-2. Can you explain to me how this happened?”

One of the reporters raises his hand. The Butcher nods at him.

“Uh…uh… There was that raccoon wearing a dirty Cesibia scarf,” he chattered with trepidation. “It-t-t… t-t-took the ball and ran toward the goal t-t-t-twice… in the second half.”

The Butcher slams his fist hard on the ground. One of the reporters passes out.

“Yes… I know,” The Butcher says. “It was quite strange. What happened to that raccoon? Where did it come from? And why… why the hell did we find the Elves Security Forces squad in our showers the moment we came in at the end of the game?”

As he says this, E.S.F.’s Kyla Night, Zacharius and Kiso Night walk out of the Turruth Gordur locker room looking around with bewilderment.

The Butcher covers his face with his hands.

“This is pure madness,” he says in a whisper. “I’m going to kill someone.”

The reporters shriek and get up, running off as The Butcher jumps to his feet and starts smashing his fists into the walls.

“MADNESS! MADNESS! MADNESS!!!!!” he screams with reckless abandon.

More E.S.F. players scurry out of the Turruth Gordur locker room as he thrashes in the hallway.

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 2
??????????????????????????? 2

[TG]
Draco Glaurung (12’, 33’)

[???]
Some dirty raccoon (66’, 90’)

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/casari.png Casari
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur

Kingsford wins again, General consensus: "What the hell?"

AP - The Krewe du Kingsford National Team played their first home match in over fifty years today. The match comes off of the heels of their first victory in international play in the same timespan against heavily favored and generally more well-liked Swilatia.

The match was held in Cilas Obregon Stadium, the national grounds in the capital, Arms of Nobles. It was designed by the famous architect Christopher Wren when he was notably young. When it was built, Obregon had a seating capacity of 65,000. It was regularly packed and Kingsford played a plethora of international fixtures. After the temporary retirement of the national team, the stadium was abandoned and fell into ruin and disarray. The lack of maintenance and poor upkeep caused the stadium to become structurally unsound and was declared a public hazard. Shortly after this declaration, a large portion of the south stand collapsed under its own wear. This was followed by collapses to the northeast corner and the west side, both later in the same month. The number of seats had been reduced from 65,000 to 24,157.

The most recent problem with the stadium came the night following Kingsford's 3-1 victory over Swilatia. During the "Happy Riot" that followed the news of the victory, a reveler hurled a molotov cocktail towards the stadium, catching the stands on fire. Nearly all of the north stands and about half of the east stands had burned beyond recovery before the fire was put out, as most of the firemen were out in the streets, celebrating the victory. At the time of the match, the capacity of the stadium was estimated to be around 15,981.

The Krewe du Kingsford took the field to a most likely disinterested crowd of 1,314. Around a third of the home fans were the extended family of the players and managerial staff, and another third was comprised of the employees of the FFAK and the Ministry of Sport. Not many Qutarese fans made the journey, and most Kingsforders, according to a local poll, decided to stay in and watch the match on television, because you got a better view and you didn't "have to go into the hellhole that the Ministry of Sport calls a stadium."

The pitch was excessively muddy for the match. During its disuse, Cilas Obregon stadium was home to what is estimated to be the largest colony of gophers in the nation for around twenty five years. The stadium was even protected as a national wildlife preserve, however when the team was reorganized, the Ministry of Sport overrode the protection and killed a good percentage of the gophers, with the remaining fleeing into Arms of Nobles. The hole network that was left behind was filled in with mud dredged from the bottom of the Arms of Nobles Harbor, and paperwork was filed for it to be reseeded, but nobody at the Ministry of Sport could be bothered to do so. The gophers meanwhile became the dominant rodents in Urban Arms of Nobles, causing rats and mice previously in the city to be extinct. The gopher infestation of the capital is considered to a national crisis and many top experts are theorizing the best possible methods to eradicate the problem.

The line-up was typical, except for the absence of injured midfielder Brian Arougela (who was replaced by Marcos Calcete) as well as forward Peter Teldernem, who was replaced by Gabriel Markmohain when his wife wouldn't let him play on account of thinking that the stadium was too dangerous.

The match was tedious, slow, and dull, partly due to the ungodly awful pitch and partly due to the neutral possession tactics of the Kingsforder squad. The first goal came in the twenty first minute from midfielder Steven Veot. However, Veot was substituted out of the game in the thirty fourth minute when he lost a cleat to the mud and could not retrieve it. Midfielder Simien Watts from the club side Elders took his place. The half was played out rather dully, finishing 1-0.

The second half saw much more resignation and much less effort by both sides. Defender John Waldernosse received a yellow card for trying to light up a cigarette when the ball was in the Qutarese half, as he was "bored out of his mind." The remaining two goals did not come until the last two minutes, when it seemed like the opposition had resigned themselves entirely, scored by Lees in the eighty fourth and Markmohain in stoppage time.

The Ministry of Sport has refiled the paperwork for the reseeding of the field, but it is unknown whether or not it will be ready before the next home match vs. Sel Appa.

The Krewe de Kingsford is excited to be playing their next match not at home, however they are weary of their next opponents, Philodox Weltschmerz, who defeated Rejistania in the opener, but lost 2-1 to Nebuleux in the second match. As it currently stands, Kingsford is on top of the group five table by goal differential over Nebuleux, leaving experts and pretty much everybody everywhere extremely puzzled.

Matchday I - Kingsford at Swilatia: W
Matchday II - Kingsford v. Islands of Qutar
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.png v. http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_islands_of_qutar.png

Match Facts
90' - Markmohain (KN)
84' - Lees (KN)
57' - Waldernosse (KN)
34' - sub (Veot off, Watts on) (KN)
21' - Veot (KN)

Hannah Angstrom was at her most productive, zooming through bureaucratic paperwork with no external distraction. The silence grew to unease, until she was unable to ignore it. Rêvane was rarely as quiet.

Wandering outside her small embassy, she looked around. "What's going on?"

"Xu went down," a concerned voice waved her over.

"X-Zh-" She stumbled over the foreign name. "Who?"

"Hue's long retired," someone laughed.

"What?" Worried that someone was injured, she looked around.

"It's the World Cup."

"Oh. That." Hannah had never understood the logic of professional athletics.

"And the goalie, Xavier Xu, is injured...You're an ambassador, aren't you?"

"Yeah...Goalie?"

They indicated the replay. Xu, whose function seemed to be interfering with flying projectiles, had been tripped. The offender was a wiry man wearing a jersey similar to his teammates (with the exception of their own goalie) and the officials.

Joining Ariddians and those from her homeland, Hannah watched the rest of the match. The objective, getting the ball past the opposition more often than they got it past you, was accomplished by the Rouge-et-Noirs, though with difficulty. To whoever they were playing's credit, the captain seemed decent enough. Interviewed at halftime by the broadcasters, an almost-familiar pair of collegiate boys, he spoke with unfeigned pleasantness about his excitement to be in the football haven and exposure to the new culture.

The rest of the game proceeded smoothly: Ariddia won, as expected. Hannah was relieved to get back to her work, but her total output was only mediocre. The earlier surge was countered by the break and her wandering thoughts after the game. Why did she recognize those boys?

And what country could produce both such competitive jocks and the eloquent Rube Tercer?

CBC International News


Hello and Welcome again to CBC Sports News, I'm Milchama Banks reporting live from Coricas bringing you the latest updates in the 2nd day of the 33 Qu-ak International World Cup. Here's the recap.


On the first ever Cookeslandic football team appearance, the Owls were matched up with Druida. in a hard fought out match which ended in a 2-2 tie.
Goals were scored by strikers, Patrick Andolor and Colin Short. John Andrews was only quoted with saying "We can do better".


In Today's match the team held up to there promise winning a 0-2 victory over Harlesburg. Both goals were scored by Patrick Andolor, who had this to say: "This just shows how great a team we can be when we go all out". The mood all around Cookesland was quite estatic with crowds around the country celebrating. This win has also placed Cookesland in 3rd place of the third group.

I'll be back tommorrow giving you the Latest updates on World Cup 33, I'm Milchama Banks good night.


Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home - Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away- Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

OOC: Fort Europe those pics are incredible. How did you do them?

IC:
"What an awful performance, you guys looked like the Long John Silver Impersinators out there."

"Coach, I think we did quite well, considering we won 5-1. I mean always look on the bright side of life."

"Blah it wasn't like we were playing the town council rugby team. We were the playing The Great Monty Python, they have to be better than a bunch of philosophers"

"No no no no no no. They played decently but we were just much better, we were like Mr. Fusion, nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean, know what I mean?"

"No! now shut up! Your annoying the fuck out of me, I do not know what you mean!"

"Sheesh I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition"

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

"Where did he come from?"

"I have no idea"

"Our chief weapon is suprise, suprise and fear, our TWO! chief weapons are suprise, fear, and a fanatical devotion to the pope, our THREE! chief weapons are suprise, fear, a fanatical devotion to the pope BANG!"

"You shot him"

"Yes, that was getting annoying"

"It's not like he was the owner of a cheese shop without any cheese, a very annoying man trying to buy a book, or a video of how to be annoying"

"How many Monty Python refrences have we managed in this RP"

"Too many."

"Ok let's stop now"

"Good idea"

Final Score:
Milchama 5 (Belmowitz 13, 31, Joseph 43, Flitty 72, Dalton 88)
The Great Monty Python 1 (Praline 7)

East Lithuania Draws Again.

In the second match of the qualifying rounds, East Lithuania takes to the pitch against Croisland and, once again, ended it with a draw, this time with a 1-1 tally. While Jibreel Weaver is under criticisem for "losing the win" for East Lithuania, Coach Discolo recommands the reporters "shut the f*** up before he tears them a new one." So we're only going to give you the facts.

The first half started off evenly. Both teams attacked hard and presented a firing squad against both keepers. Sabastion Torress had a couple shots that fans swore went in, but didn't count it. The defenders had a handful keeping the Croisland forwards at bay, helping Jibreel Weaver whenever possible. At halftime the score was nil-nil, and many fans thought this would be a repeat of the previous match.

The second half ended those thoughts. By the 56th minute, the forwards started a passing weave mostly seen in warm-ups. It somehow skirted through the defenders untill the ball was crossed to captain Mettaliar Yanto who shot into the back of the net. For the rest of the mach, many thought East Lithuania would come away with a win. Until the 90th minute. While the Croisland forwards came in to try to tie it all up, midfielder Mike Mongioj came in from the side in an untimed tackle in the penalty box. This ended up with a penalty kick. That kick went in and in the literal last seconds of the match, Croisland pulled away tieing it all.

"I feel bad about screwing it all up." claimed Weaver after the match. "I've pulled off blocking those before my whole career. Unfortunatly, I couldn't do it when it counts."

East Lithuania's next match will take place against New Montreal States.

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

CUATION-1 QAZOX-3

Maybe this time we won't flame out. After taking on Cuation in our 1st home match since the civil war ended 18 months ago, the loud crowd of 87,000 in Estadia Pika when bat-shite-crazy after the final whistle blew.

Jonathon Sarafin, the youngest player ever to start a match for the Black Oxen got the scoring started in the 17th minute, giving Qazox a 1-0 lead. but the experience of Cuation came through and in the 34th minute tied it up as Greg Wolfen was just a bit out of position.

The second half saw temperatures climb into the high 80's and the Cuation team wilted under the opressing heat. But the Black Oxen thrived, and after a couple of subs for Adolf Limburger and Alexrandra Hotep, Sarafin knocked home the winner in the 69th minute. Kyle Horton got a goal late in the match to provide the winning margin of 3-1. Up next for Qazox is a trip to Vilita, who so far have looked a bit overwhelmed in losses to Krytenia and Commerce Heights JSY. The match will be Vilita's home opener so the emotion of the match should carry them 3-1.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Sarafin (1,2)- 17', 69'; Horton (1)- 82'
Cuation: Unknown player: 34'
CARDS: Cuation: None
Qazox: Yellow: Hotep 62', Clay 85'.

IT'S.... THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo
Your World Cup Hall of Fame Commentary Team


"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Another World Cup.... What's this.... the 33rd edition?"

"Think so, Theo. Do you remember World Cup 1?"

"Indeed I do, Basil.... the fresh air, the singing birds, the skillful play, the gentle breeze of the Ariddian evening, the extraordinary facial hair, the scandal involving the nuns, the donkey, and the plate of spaghetti, the young women in tight-fitting whalebone corsets...."

"You don't think that, after all this time, we might be getting, well, soft and lazy?"

"Soft and lazy, Basil? What, like that senile old Theodore Phocaso loon keeps claiming? How could...? How utterly..... What idiotic...."

"Sorry to interrupt, Theo, but could you pass the caviar?"

"What? Oh, of course. The sevruga or beluga?"

"The beluga, please, Theo."

"And do you have the truffled fois gras, Basil?"

"Nah. Couldn't be bothered walking down the corridor. Just ring the bell and ask our in-studio bikini-clad serving wenches to bring it into the broadcast booth...."

<bell rings>

"How may we serve you, oh great ones, who speak together with honeyed tongues, and are hung like..."

"Never mind that last bit, love. We're live on air right now. Could you just bring us the truffled fois gras. Oh, and some champagne too, please. And could you put the roast panda in the oven - I'd just love something critically endangered for dinner tonight...."

"Of course, oh great ones!"

"Anyway, Basil, where were we?"

"Something about being soft and lazy, I think, Theo."

"That's right. Absolute nonsense. We 'ave it 'ard here, as anyone can see."

"What about the football match, Theo? You know, the one we're paid to talk about?"

"Oh that. Can't really be bothered, Basil. Can you? 4-0 loss to Schiavonia, some Blige lass scores 4. Blah, blah, blah."

"Yeah. I can't be bothered either. Oh look! Here comes the champagne and truffled fois gras... come to think of it, I rather think I'd prefer a sauterne with my fois gras. Must do something about that. Maybe right after I've had my nightly bath in teenagers' breast milk this evening.... If I can be bothered...."

Commonwealth News Studio, Stape.

"... and the main stories again, Great Leader Rigolo has surprised the nation by announcing her engagement, the Minister of Transport declares that flying is the safest way to travel, and botanists in Fort Lakaria have descovered a new species of Dragon. Coming up we have footage of a Raccoon playing Football and search for the truth behind group one's disappearing Football team, but first I think we can go live to the Fort Europe football squad, Aby...

The screen cuts to an attractive young reporter wearing a Holy Empire home shirt.

"Yes, this is Aby Watcher reporting live from an A380 somewhere over the Lasting Sea where the Fort Europe squad have finally arrived back in the YoungWorld and should be landing in just a few hours. I'm here with the team to get there response to the match against The Lowland Clans, and also find out just what goes on behind the scenes in the Fort Europe camp. Gemma Llo..."

"I'm not speaking to you while you're wearing that shirt Aby, I'm sorry." Gemma Lloyd said dismissively from the other side of the aircraft's bar area on the upper floor.

"Okay, I'll take it off." This gets the attention of several of the male players instantly as Aby takes off the shirt to reveal a plain blue shirt below.

"I have promised however Gemma to get an apology from you for your comments about that very shirt last time I spoke to you. There are a lot of unhappy viewers who have a different opinion of the Holy Empire's kits."

"Okay, I'm sorry for what I said... not that it matters, they still got stuffed by Schiavonia!"

"Thats really going to appease them isn't it? Just remember you're playing them next and away from home too." Stuart Moss scolded, to which Gemma sat back down without comment, an embarrassed look on her face.

"Stuart, getting back to the match earlier today, what were you're thoughts as you sat on the bench?"

"Thoughts... hmm, I honestly can't remember exactly what I was thinking, but I can tell you this Aby, I was damn proud of my guys out there today, all of them played so well against a superior team and as a result we came out on top. Of course there is still a lot we have to work on, and a lot of lessons we can take from this game, such as not being caught on the attack. We've got to get back to keeping clean sheets again if we're ever going to win the World Cup."

"Right well I'm just about out of time here, so I'm going to hand back to the studio and let these lads and lasses get back to their beer. This is Aby Watcher reporting live for the Commonwealth News."

Wayne: Welcome back, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE with Wayne Wastle and Playboy Miss February on Jeruselem Government News.
Dazza: (smiles cheekily)

Wayne: Otherwise known as Dazza Dallas or "that bimbo on TV". Yes, Dazza Dallas has done the dirty deed. She's gone into full exposure mode in current edition of Playboy.
Dazza: (waving a magazine) It's all here. Available now! Featuring me, well naked. Doing for the fans!

Wayne: Dazza gave a copy and well, if someone said Dazza was over 30 mum with kids and played football - you wouldn't believe it. She looks mid 20's
Dazza: Thanks Wayne, you like it then?

Wayne: Tunk almost fainted when I showed it to him. Now, that's making grown men cry. I think you look like his wife a bit - well naked anyway.
Dazza: Wasn't my idea originally, my fans wanted more and they got it all.

Wayne: To the football! Group 9 first - the Nedalian Lions who lost their last game. Yes, they were back to their best today - against the highly rated Kericia. This time no wasting the chance, they roared like the Lions should.
Dazza: Oh yes, Nedalia trounced Kericia FOUR NIL. Now, that's what Lions fans pay money to see. Let's hope the Nedalia Lions can do what the Bedistan Lions could - make the finals. But they must progress from a nasty group 9 with the World Cup 31 winner and two contenders.

Wayne: Oh guess who Nedalia play next?
Dazza: It's the world Cup 31 champion. Don't miss this game - it's huge. If the Lions win, it's a great sign.

Wayne: Well, Group 1 was almost back to normality. I say almost.
Dazza: That's right. Results were almost all as expected except one.

Wayne: Jeruselem scraped past former super-power Lovisa TWO ONE. Jeruselem played well, crap but even a good team playing crap beats crap teams playing good. The coach was fiddling with combinations which was a little unsettling and well, Jeruselem didn't play their best at all.
Dazza: My sister will sort it all out. If you have veterans like me, Kate Bush and others retiring finding the right replacements is hard. Then you have put them in the right place and get then used to our system. Takes time and it works - look at world cup 32. Slowish start but look what we did.

Wayne: We play Elves Security Forces next - a real test of how team is going. Now with two wins, we are not 1st - we'll tell you later why.
Dazza: The pressure is on us, being 3rd seed. How will Tunk and his team respond? I'm going to talk to him next episode.

Wayne: Bettia crashed to Bostopia. What an upset! The Aroras were knocked over by this inexperienced team - ONE NIL. Now, that's a result we did not expect. Actually, Bostopia seem to have a lot of Dazza fans lately due to Dazza going all naked on us. So maybe that's the reason, hey Dazza?
Dazza: Scary, naked Dazza inspiring a team to beat Bettia. But it's early days - Bettia will and can recover. Bettia having an off-game or hormonally charged Bostopian players - well, it was still an upset.

wayne: Marceau State picked themselves up and dumped Collonie THREE ONE. Collonie have never really done too well but the Frenchies put away the white flag for now.
Dazza: The former Womens World cup hosts get the points and they need the all points they can get.

Wayne: Northern Caesarea shook off the slow start and beat the New Propagandia team who's propaganda failed to sway them. The Caesareas back on track.
Dazza: A handy TWO NIL win and well, they are a good team on their day. New Propagandia failed to reproduced the last game form and paid for it. Now, for the biggie!

Wayne: Kelssek played Elves Security Forces - and this was some cracker of a game. A Dazza cracker if you really want to know.
Dazza: Sneaky one Wayne! I like it. 9 goals were scored and the Elves were on the losing side. No defense in this game - all out attack and Kelssek scored a thrilling FIVE FOUR win. Actually Kelssek have scored 10 goals in two games although conceding six - but they lead Group 1 because of the number of goal scored. Jeruselem have conceded less goals. Well well, we better watch this Kelssek team. And a Dazza Cracker is more fun than this game was.

Wayne: This group isn't looking easy at all now.
Dazza: Only two games though, because the top teams rise when the challenge is there. Weak teams falter.

Wayne: YAP YAP, and we continue to talk about Dazza's current project.
Dazza: Sex sells goes the old saying.

Wayne: Newsagents say fans have cleaned out their current stocks. Publishers are doing reprints to keep up with the demand. All because Dazza can't keep her clothes on.
Dazza: Apparently Bostopians have a liking for nudity I've heard.

Wayne: Actually yes, and it's called "Dazza Craze". Their female reporters are doing a Dazza.
Dazza: Speaking of nudity, wasn't your wife a bikini model?

Wayne: Yes, she was. And she's still hot - just a little older.
Dazza: You sports people always get the nice girls!

Wayne: That's why I'm working with you.
Dazza: Lucky fella, Miss February right here. That's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Oh, buy that magazine!

Wayne: Good night everyone especially those with new magazines.

Group 1
Bettia [0] Bostopia [1]
Northern Caesarea [2] New Propagandia [0]
Jeruselem [2] Lovisa [1]
Elves Security Forces [4] Kelssek [5]
Marceau State [3] Collonie [1]

Group 9
Nedalia [4] Kericia [0]

You're Watching World Cup tonight, Only on
http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/5122/sbc11nm1.png

Jawalski: Welcome to world cup tonight. Now before we start off, we should tell you that this is essentially a commentary on the match. If you want a proper report, you should have watched the match on SBC Dwa. However, you can expect to find some things about the match if you watch this.

Wiadzase: Can't we just get onto the match?? It's not like we have all day to do this. We really only have 30 minutes, to give our thing, and then the next program will start.

Jawalski: That's plenty of time. Anyway, today's match was agains Errinundera, and it was a draw, 3-3. At least we did not lose like we did to Kingsford, although we are still pretty low in our group, and Kingsford's team is supposed to be worse then Errinundera's.

Wiadzase: We should forget about that. That was yesterday's match, which we talked about in yesterday's episode. Since this is today's episode, we should focus on today's match. Maybe some coverage on the other matches which happened today, but forget yesterday.

Jawalski: Well, I suppose you're right even though it was a bad start for Swilatia. After all, today obviously went much better, as we did not lose. Anyway, I'm sure you could tell everyone watching this programme a bit about the match.

Wiadzase: Sure, we scored a goal, and then they scored a goal. Then we scored a goal, then they score one. Then they scored another goal, but we tied it up again. Then the end of the match came, and draws are allowed at this stage, so that's how the match ended.

Jawalski: You will need to describe it a bit better then that. Everyone knows the scores, what we need to say is how the match went, and what our country's reaction was.

Wiadzase: Isn't that what is done on SBC Dwa?

Jawalski: Not exactly.

Wiadzase: Fine. Anyway, If you don't mind, i'm skipping the first ten minutes of this match. Very littled happened then, except for the two teams trying to get the ball from each other, probably so they could try to slip it into the goal.

Jawalski: No, I don't mind.

Wiadzase: Okay. So our team scored it's first goal at the 13th minute, with Romańska being the player who kicked the goal into the net, giving our the lead for a while.

Jawalski: But the lead was short-lived. Errinundera, who was clearly the better team, scored their goal at the 19th minute tying up the score again. Too bad our team's lead was so short. If only our team had a better defense.

Wiadzase: Well, our goalkeeper did hold up well enough against Errinundera. It's part of the reason our team did not lose. But only part of it.

Jawalski: So then as we continue into first half. Mostly it's just teams trying to take the ball from each other. A few failed goal shots by both teams, until when the half is almost over, Errinundera's team scores a goal, giving them a lead.

Wiadzase: Well, so the end of the first half come, Swilatia's team and it's fans are all thinkining that it will be a loss for their team. We already told you how it really ends, and you will hear it again near the end of this episode.

Jawalski: Yeah, I was watching the match then, thinking of what to say about it when we have sto start on today's episode. I truly thought the team would lose on this one again, and even hit a losing streak, and the qualification attempt would be a failiure.

Wiadzase: So, go into the second half. Errinunderia scores a third goal at 52 minutes, knocking Swilatia's team further into the dark. For the fans all hope was lost.

Jawalski: Well, go onto the 63rd minute, Romańska scores another goal for Swilatia, but this does little to cheer Swilatia's fans up, as the team is still losing, even if it is only by one point.

Wiadzase: Yes, it seemed like no matter what anyone on the team did, it would not go well for Swilatia. However, that goal turned the match in our direction again, as at 69 minutes, our defense actually stopped the Errinunderans. Now that's a miracle.

Jawalski: Yes, and at 76 minutes, Dąbrowski scored Swilatia's 3rd goal, tying up the score again. At first we would see this as a sign of Swilatia winning, sinc ethey were getting all these goals, and if Swilatia got another Errinundera would have little time to catch up.

Wiadzase: Yes, and it would be great if we beat this team. Sadly, we failed to score another goal, but we could hold Errinundera off, ending the match in a draw. and we were so close to winning. so close!

Jawalski: Well, that's too bad that we failed with the upset, but at least we did not lose. So what else happened today beside our 3-3 draw?

Wiadzase: Not much worth talking about. What would you say about tommorow's match, against green wombat?

Jawalski: It will be easy. Green wombat's team never qualified, and has won no mathc so far in these qualifications.

Wiadzase: That's good to hear. hopefully we will win, and climb up this group, which would be good, as we want the new team to look much better then the old one, which was an international embarrasement for our country.

"Group 7.... What's going on?" asked Andrew Coulter

"What do you mean?!" said Everret Kang on a teleconference with Andrew Coulter

"I mean why did we draw with Rorysville?" - Andrew

"We had a slight on field problem, and why are we talking via Teleconference, we're not that far away." - Everret

"Well, we you are in Drago, I'm in Fauxhan. Anyway what was the slight problem. on Field?"

"Uh, didn't you see the broadcasts? There was no one there. Everyone's talking about the potential World Cup bid, people are saving their money for that ... even though it's 4 years away"

"That's not really an on field problem isn't it." - Andrew

"It is when the Rorysville supporters out number the Bazalope Supporters. Well, we're fine only New Montreal States managed to win a game today, everyone else drew including Milchama the top 4 teams are all on 4 points. We only missed out on top spot because of 1 Goal Difference." - Everret

"Okay, so we are going to have to hype up this world cup, if we want any attendance. I'll get onto BazSports and see what I can arrange." - Everret.

"Don't Worry, turn over to BazSports now and you'll see what is happening..."

"Okay..." said Andrew who was a bit puzzled as he reached for the remote control and turned the TV on in his office. It was already on BazSports.

An announcer spoke on the TV, the scene on it was just outside the Drago Soccer Field.

"Just Outside Drago Soccer Field a group of dedicated Bazalope fans are staging a vigil outside the gates to the Stadium, the assembled fans number in the hundreds as an apparently appauling turnout at the Bazalopes latest match against Rorysville which resulted in a 1-all draw against which was generally attributed to the lack of attendence has seemingly solidified a number of die-hard Bazalope fans. And now to talk with the leader of this rally the Managing Director of Drago FC, Hector Davids. Hector, thanks to talking with us today."

"It's great to be here."

"So what are you actually staging this vigil for?"

"Basically today we are here to highlight without the fans that Bazalonian soccer is dead, no matter what may or may not happen with hosting in the 34th World Cup nor even what achievements the soccer team acheive, if the fans stop caring or watching then I'd have to ask. What is the point. This Vigil is here to highlight the .... "

And with that the TV was turned off..

"It's a pity he was not ready for the match but Barry the Bazalope is ready. We've got the costume and the actor and everything's set. I'll send him down to show the BFSA support Hector. But really I know you guys, you performed really well when no one was watching nor caring. What was the real reason?"

"We, uh, had a big night the night before the match..."

"Well, I'm disappointed you all should have known better, but as long as you guys learn from it.. okay anyway. We are going to The Aqua Moose next time and should be an easy win. But we can't afford to be lax, we need to give Milchama, NMS and Tynelia a good run.

Broadcasting LIVE from the Channel 9 Studios in Downtown Fort Boston, THIS is Channel 9 Griffwitness News! And now, to Jamie Parriff in the studio.

[Parriff] The time is midnight Bostopian East Standard Time, and twenty-three-hundred-hours Bostopia West Standard Time. Our top story tonight: Channel 9’s very own Kelly Firth has gained international recognition after reporting naked, on what would have otherwise been a slow news day.

Kelly was indirectly mentioned on “The Football Life” a program broadcast on the Jeruselem Government News channel, which is not available in Bostopia. Kelly was mentioned by one of the presenters as “Doing a Dazza”, a reference to Dazza Dallas’ recent Playboy shoot. However, as we all know, the nakedness of Bostopians is nothing to do with Dazza, and is not at all a recent craze, though the frenzy over Ms.Dallas herself, is.

Viewers will remember last year’s World Cup Qualifying game where Kayleigh Lorfale presented nude from Fenton, and had herself painted with a Bostopian football shirt. However, publicity for the station is nearly always good. But on a downside, Vladmiristak has imposed sanctions on cheese due to nakedness broadcast around the Region, which, of course, included Vladmiristaki homes.

But now, over to your favourite C9News24 sports presenter, it’s Kelly Firth, with news on the Bostopian squad to face Lovisa tomorrow, in the Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston.

The TV cuts to a shot of Kelly – again naked – standing by the lake in the middle of Fort Boston Park. The lake, and most of the ground around it, is frozen. The faint sound of a heat generator can be heard humming in the background.

[Firth] Thanks, Jamie. Well, only two changes from last week’s squad, as Dave Kripp was injured with a sprained ankle, and misses this game, but should be back for next week’s tie against New Propagandia. This means that Greg Hearn starts in goal, and Harrison Ragg is substitute keeper. Here’s how they should line up.

An on-screen graphic shows.

GK: Greg HEARN (Henrikstad FC)

DR: Craig HART (Irringvale Borough) DC: Gary YOUNG (Osling United) DC: Manfred HARRICK (Fenton FC) DL: Neill FREAT (Bassingdale City)

MR: Dan REPPON (Fort Boston FC) MC: Steven SERRING (Fort Boston FC) MC: Andy PERRAR (Rolida FC) ML: Rob KRIPP (Port Flamerty FC)

SC: Jamie TRENT (Fenton FC) Ian KRAFT (Glenrock Athletic)

Subs: GK: Harrison RAGG (Riikenberg FC) DC: Matt LAWFOLD (Prussingberg FC) DLRC: Nigel PEART (Riikenberg FC) MLRC: Gary MAFF SC: Brandon DINGAER (Monham United)

While the graphic is on-screen, the sound of ice cracking, and then a splash can be heard.

[Firth] Urr, breaking news, it appears that someone’s fell through the ice here…they look like they’re having trouble getting out thought.

[Parriff] Then why not go rescue them, Kelly?

[Firth] Oh! Good plan!

Kelly turns round, and runs toward the ice, only to jump back when her first foot lands on the ice.

[Firth] Cold! Cold, cold, cold!

[Parriff] No snowboots?

[Firth] No! Wouldn’t be naked with footwear on would I? Oh! It sounds like the rescue helicopter’s on the way anyway…yes, there it is. Urr, this is Kelly Firth live at the scene of a rescue attempt, after someone fell through the ice on Braniff Lake, in the middle of Fort Boston. Yes, there’s the rope…and the man’s caught onto it, and away they go.

Anyway, back to tomorrow’s game. We can already tell you that the Bostopia Stadium is a sell-out for home fans, and a fairly large proportion of the away tickets have been bought. Poor transfer links have been put down to those tickets selling out, with only the most hardcore fans making the journey. Of course, you can see all the action on BTV1, with a 7:30 kickoff, and then highlights at 11:30 on Matchnight Bostopia, also on BTV1. Kayleigh Lorfale will be bringing you all the news relating to the team up until kickoff on your regular Channel 9 Broadcasts, which will be shown on C9News24 during the day, and I’ll be back from 11, right the way through ‘til 6. And now, back to Jamie in the studio.

[Parriff] Thanks Kelly. And now, after news and weather from where you are, at 12:30 B.E.S.T., we’ll be showing you tonight’s documentary “The History of Bostopian Nudity”, from the first settlements to present-day Fenton State, the first compulsory-nudity area in Bostopia outside of private clubs and residences. See you again at 1AM B.E.S.T., Midnight B.W.S.T.

The Atheistic Right national stadium was absolutely plastered with Advertising, Many of the Advertistments would make many blush, however inside was free of naked people advertising products however the stadium itself had people that were naked as well as the naked Atheistic Right player.

The game started after the appropriate ceremonial happenings, and the match who many predicted to be a Squornshelous white wash actually started with Atheistic Right managing to get a few good opportunities however the Squornian experience was just far too good and they shut down those attempts with apparently little effort.

The Game continued, the Psychoes were unable to score a goal in the first half, apparently the Atheistic Right defense had a real kick to it, and at the end of full time the score was nil-all. For the first time people thought that Atheistic Right had a chance to come away with some points from this match but it was not to be. The Psychoes scored a goal in the 67th and 81st minutes after they somehow got themselves back into form. There was almost another goal but it seemed that the keeper made a miraculous save. Either way it didn't matter as Squornshelous beat Atheistic Right at home.

---

Leon Green was reading up on events happening in Yihsrael, Atheistic Right's old Haunt. "We've got to do something about this. This ARHLL and all those other splinter groups are making us look like the old regime. If we are going to reform our International image we've got to stop these idiots."

He said speaking to no one in particular, a person entered his office a large trenchcoat. "Oh, you again. I'm busy." he said.. "I couldn't help over hear what you just said, alright I was eaves dropping, but still, I know a way we can deal with these guys. It's our business after all, clearing out this slime that calls themselves patriots and Atheists. We need to clear the gene pool of these wastes of space and then finally then can we receive the international respect that we deserve. Free spectre of The Great Lion and his goons. If we do this we'd finally rid the world of that spec of dirt once and for all."

"But... the ADF. It's their job. Exactly and this is what I want you to do."

The man in the trenchcoat whispered something to Leon....

"Okay then. I'll try. Come back next matchday and I'll tell you what will happen.

Sel Appa plays Qutar next at home. All we have to say is...Y'all ready for this?! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBF3GdImr4U) Security will be very tight at the match and it is suggested that you leave any bags at home because of checkpoints at every entrance. Everyone who bought a ticket received or will receive a coupon for a free meal and drink to make up for any inconvenience. Customer service booths will be set up and a hotline has been temporarily established. Please call 111 QUTAR11 (111 7882711) with questions. Operators are standing by 24/7.
http://molepro.com/support/images/pic_customer_service_girl.jpg

Discoveries by Schorteskatascansolanian archaeologists in Commerce Heights have captured the imagination of the populace. There was significant pressure from the people to create a press release that ran "Schorteskatascansolani won over Turori by 2-1" thereby evoking our glorious ancestors. However, the Subcommittee refused, saying, "We need to provide all particular data upon the game we have played to everybody who has an interest." Therefore they have released this press release instead.

SPECTACULAR WIN

In the first game of our international squad at the Grostadion, all the seats were sold out. It seems that international fever has finally caught in Schortland. The crowd was cheering and the players were hyped and Master Wenzel was as excited as his seventy-two years of age could get him. Of course Gregor Spidkula was looking sharp and ready to begin in his referee's uniform.

Schorteskatascansolani came tearing onto the field. Their energy knew no bounds. It was as if they were all playing like Kapetanopoulos, typically referred to jokingly as the Locomotive. They kept going after the ball, kept the pressure up. This is a highly ranked team, called Turori! But the Schor played on and on, with the crowd shouting encouragements to their favourite players.

The Schor played beautifully and were rewarded in the fifteenth minute by a goal from Elliot. Vishnevskij had taken a corner and everybody was up around the area. Elliot was the tallest; his head connected with the ball and it went in. The crowd went wild. "SCHOOOOORRRRRRR!!!!!" was the shout; the national anthem was struck up, though they prudently shut up after the seventh verse, not wishing to go on and sing all two hundred and eighty nine.

The joyous mood was dampened with the injury of Priest who took a bad fall and will be out for a game or two. Gilmore was brought in as substitute. Manager Wenzel Jahn Strichedonija has said that Vyborny will appear on the substitute's bench until Priest is strong enough to reenter the game.

Just before halftime Turori struck back with a goal from one of their forwards. As their names are quite terribly unpronouncable we will not try to repeat it for you.

The Schor were determined to win the game, however, and scored a goal in the sixty-eighth minute; Platt shot from the penalty area with such force that the ball ricocheted off the goalkeeper; Gilmore was nearby and knocked it in. The question was taken to the Council of Ancients as to who the assist should be attributed to; after a deliberation of two minutes and fifty-six seconds, their standard operating time for simple questions, they decided that it should be attributed to Platt.

Thus was the schorline at the end of the game; 2-1 in our favour. It is apparent that home games go fairly well for the team. We of course have no hopes of qualifying, but we think there may be many glorious defeats in store for our nation's future. We will next host the nation Atheistic Right. From all appearances it is a most ungodly country and therefore we have determined that their lodging shall be at the National Penitentiary and that before the game the Atheistic Right team shall be subjected to five hours of sermons and prayers given by the most skillful of our chaplains. OOC: Take note if you want to use this in your RPs.

This is Master Guillaume Kasimir Pbufanda, broadcasting to your home from Teleray 23. If you wish to receive a copy of the game video including my live match commentary do not hesitate to contact your local Teleray bureau. Good night!

From the Desk of Ug-Mt

We strongly object to the announced punishment of the "ungodly" Atheistic Right from Schorteskatascansolani. As a godless nation ourself we find such persecution reprehensible. If you insist on believing in foolish fairy tales yourself, be our guests. But attempting to force others to buy into your group insanity is despicable.

Ug-Mt
Robber Captian
Az-cz (WC33 Qu-ak co-hosts)

Thus was the schorline at the end of the game; 2-1 in our favour. It is apparent that home games go fairly well for the team. We of course have no hopes of qualifying, but we think there may be many glorious defeats in store for our nation's future. We will next host the nation Atheistic Right. From all appearances it is a most ungodly country and therefore we have determined that their lodging shall be at the National Penitentiary and that before the game the Atheistic Right team shall be subjected to five hours of sermons and prayers given by the most skillful of our chaplains.

It was not long till an official protest was laid with the Az-cz hosting committee however it seemed that the gnomes where already onto the issue having made a statement of their own. The only thing that was left was for AFA to make their own statement.

"I fully condemn the Schorteskatascansolani Officials for their pretension snobbery. If anyone should be treated in the way you have described it should be the Great Lion and followers, We'd be more comfortable living out on the street. One more thing, we do not take kindly others trying to force their beliefs on us and neither do I suspect do Schorteskatascansolani. The team will be accompanied by Atheistic Right's best brightest Atheologians as well as a number of the foulest beings we know. Lawyers, should anything physical happen to your squad then your government and national football association will be so tied up in beauraucratic red-tape. That it won't know where to start." Leon Green

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/footballkelssekletterhead.gif

Football Kelssek is extremely alarmed at the outrageous and discriminatory treatment religious nations are inflicting onto visiting nations, which is so totally unfair and not cool, dudes. We look with particular concern at the recent announcement of what Schorteskatascansolani plans to inflict on the team from Atheistic Right.

We urge the Atheistic Right team to hold firm to their unbeliefs and to be strong in their non-faith. Perhaps retaliatory actions are in order, or they could simply ease the situation by making fun of the clothing being worn by the preacher or preachers, which will of course contribute greatly to peace and understanding.

Should Schorteskatascansolani pursue this course they should be rest assured that should they visit Kelssek in the future, they will likewise be subject to strident conversion attempts by adherents of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

David Monahan
Director of Outraged Statements

[OOC- this presumes, from a previous post in a different thread, that the Schorteskatascansolani version of Christianity is largely Presbyterian. If not, I can edit accordingly]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA PROTESTS AGAINST TREATMENT OF ATHEISTIC RIGHT
'Atheists Must be Saved from Protestants', Says Official

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In proof that politics - and religion - can indeed sometimes make strange bedfellows, the Godless nation of Atheistic Right received unlikely help overnight when the Monastic Football Association supported its protest against the heretical Schorteskatascansolani FA's plans to keep the atheists in the national penitentiary and subject them to 'five hours of sermons and prayers'.

"Outraged religious intolerance is arguably our speciality" claimed a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "but leaving aside whether the heretical schismatics of Schorteskatascansolani are in a position to lecture anyone on religious belief, even we wouldn't lock up a bunch of atheists in a prison and subject them to five hours of Presbyterianism. That isn't holy - that's torture. It's the sort of behaviour that's surely illegal under any number of international human rights agreements." added the Archimandrite, before excusing himself to sit down as he'd been on his feet for liturgy for the last three hours or so.

A source close to the Holy Synod demanded that the 'atheists be saved from the Protestants', and offered to shelter the entire Atheistic Right football team in an Archregimancy monastery, though subject to pre-Lenten rations, until the controversy blew over.

In other news, the Archregimancy's national team easily defeated traditional World Cup powers Fmjphoenix 3-1 at home, with a brace from Br. Innocent and a first goal for Br. Barsanuphius quickly cancelling out an early fifth-minute goal from the visiting Vikings.

Leon Green had a copy of the Monastic times article sent to him. "Stupid Monks, why don't they do something useful, like pro-create." However that was before he actually read the article. The MFA and infact the entire Archregimancy was up for the Darwin awards. For stupid ways of taking themselves out of the Gene pool.

However he begrudgingly read it, as if there was anything even remotely sensible coming from The Archregimancy. After he finished he stood there frozen, he was shocked. He had to read it again and yep. The Monastic Football Association was backing the people of Atheistic Right. Had he actually gone crazy and seeing things? or did indeed The Archregimancy hated "schismatic protestants" more than Atheists.

Whatever happen The Archregimancy was on their side, and Kelssek, which was nice to have their support but the impact of Kelssek supporting Atheistic Right as compared to The Archregimancy was like a single grain of sand compared to an oncoming frieght train.

Of course letters of thanks and appreciation for their support were sent to both Kelssek, The Archregimancy and Az-cz.

“Greetings, Assegai! This is Mikaela Eyre, reporting live from Cathedral Park, where tonight, the Riskbreakers of Assegai Developments defeated regional colleagues Random Toast by a convincing score of 3-1. The win, catapults Assegai Developments into first place of Group 6, by virtue of having scored more goals than Quintessence of Dust, who also won tonight.”

As she finishes, a huge crowd of Assegai supporters begin chanting loudly behind her.

“WE ARE ASSEGAI SUPPORTERS, LOYAL THROUGH AND THROUGH! OVER AND OVER, WE WILL FOLLOW YOU!”

Mikaela turns back to the camera and makes a funny face. “They’re so nutty,” she says laughing. “Well, then, let’s recap the goals quickly. Assegai opened up scoring in the 5th minute of play, when Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot filtered a pass through the Random Toast defense that found the feet of a streaking Samantha Neesa. The rest was automatic, as Neesa faked once, twice, before nailing a shot away from the flailing arms of Toast keeper Big Cheese.

“However, Toast fought back valiantly, with forwards Cheesy Cheese and Cheese Junior burning the Assegai back line on a give-and-go that left Junior on a one-on-one with Assegai keeper Akihiko Yoshida, beating him low and toward the near post, tying matters 1-1 in the 30th minute.

“Both teams reached the halfway point tied 1-1, with neither team showing any sort of dominance. Things didn’t seem to change during the early part of the second half, but after subbing out forward Sidney Losstarot for young Stephen de Cobham, Assegai seemed to gain an advantage. De Cobham combined with Neesa and forward Severus Snape on several runs to Big Cheese’s net, finally fooling him on a run. Snape chipped the ball away from him, finding a diving de Cobham, who drove the ball deep into the net in the 70th minute.

“Neesa left the game in the 80th minute after tweaking her ankle on a run and was replaced by Ursula Goode, who made her international debut on the National Team. Goode made good minutes later, stealing the ball from Toast midfielder Peter Salmons and cutting through a crowd of defenders before beating Big Cheese high and away with a blistering shot to put the score at 3-1 in the 85th minute.

“Toast attempted to mount a comeback in the waning moments of the game, but, spurred on by the raucous crowd of 75,000, Assegai defended their goal well, with Yoshida making several incredible saves that could have changed the course of the game. In the end, Random Toast and Assegai players exchanged hand shakes and jerseys, and posed for a photo at the center circle in an honorable show of mutual respect.”

Suddenly, the crowd behind her erupts into chant.

“RANDOM TOAST, RANDOM TOAST, RAH, RAH, RAH! E.S.F., E.S.F., HA, HA, HA! QAZOX, QAZOX, BAA, BAA, BAA! KRYTENIA, KRYTENIA, LOCK YOUR CAR!”

Mikaela and de Cobham, who has joined her, both shake their heads, laughing.

“You guys are weird, but we love you!” shouts de Cobham at them. The crowd responds immediately.

“HE’S HERE, HE’S THERE! HE’S EVERY FUCKING WHERE! DE COBHAM! DE COBHAM! YEAAAAAAAAAAH!”

He turns laughing to Mikaela. “My goodness, they are pumped up tonight,” he says laughing.

“Great game tonight against a worthy regional foe, wouldn’t you say, Stephen?” she asks.

“Mos def. Random Toast have quickly proven that they are a threat to any team that should ever take them lightly,” he says. “We know them well, however, and I think that really made the difference tonight.”

“Great show of respect at the end,” she says.

“Oh… Oh yeah, we love those guys, they’re a hoot!” he exclaims. “In fact, we’re all heading down to Riot’s new Pub in the Leá Monde Underground after this. It’s always nice to see another team from The YoungWorld, unless it’s down blighted elves from E.S.F.”

The crowd hears him and erupts into another loud chant; louder than any chant before.

“IF I HAD THE WINGS OF A SPARROW, IF I HAD THE ARSE OF A CROW, I’D FLY OVER E.S.F. TOMORROW AND SHIT ON THE BASTARDS BELOW! SHIT ON! SHIT ON! SHIT ON THE BASTARDS BELOW!”

“Wow, oh, wow, that’s kinda harsh, some of my best friends are elves,” says de Cobham, shaking his head.

“Uh, well, what are we to expect in the next match, when Commerce Heights JSY pays Assegai a visit?” she asks him.

“Well, they’re a newcomer to the international scene, but, as always, we won’t take anyone lightly,” he responds. “We’re going to go at them with the same ferocity we’d display if we were facing Krytenia. We’re playing to win, no matter what!”

“Well, thanks for your time, tonight, Stephen,” she says, patting his back as he waves to the crowd and walks off. “And, thank you to all the fans who tuned in tonight for our live coverage. Assegai wins again! See you again next week! This is Mikaela Eyre, signing off from Cathedral Park!”

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/random_toast.png Random Toast 1
@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

[AD]
Samantha Neesa (5’)
Stephen de Cobham (70’)
Ursula Goode (85’)

[RT]
Cheese Junior (30’)

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights_jsy.png Commerce Heights JSY
@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai

Winning a New Way

After matchday two, Squornshelous is one of only two teams in the world not to have allowed a goal. The other team is Bostopia, a middle-of-the-road side who play a neutral strategy. These certainly aren't the two teams anyone would pick out as the last two to allow goals. The irony of the situation is that while Squornshelous has won two matches 1-0 and 2-0, the team's performance is unsatisfactory to the fans and SFA head honchos.

The most recent match highlighted the difficulty our young team is having in the goal scoring area, with the completely unranked side from Atheistic Right holding their own in a scoreless draw until well into the second half. Jaromil Ctibor and Arman Latvala scored in the 67th and 81st respectively, meaning that no new starter has scored a goal yet. Look for some changes in the lineup in upcoming matches as Andreev tries to find the best combination of players.

We certainly hope he can find some way to improve the team's play, since our next match is against a much better team than the two we've played: the Lions of Nedalia.

Final Score:
Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ctibor: 2
Latvala: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 1-0 Coocoostan
MD2: Atheistic Right 0-2 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous v Nedalia
MD4: Commerce Heights v Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous v Kericia
MD6: Altanar v Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v Turori
MD8: Schorteskatascansolani v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Ropa-Topia
MD10: Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
MD11: Coocoostan v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD14: Turori v Squornshelous
MD15: Squornshelous v Schorteskatascansolani
MD16: Ropa-Topia v Squornshelous
MD17: Kericia v Squornshelous
MD18: Squornshelous v Altanar

Demot Daily ~ We Don't Do Snow

So, it was supposed to be a nice, fun trip over to our regionmates in Druida, and have a good little footy match, in which the Dynamo would ultimately come out on top. Little did the squad know that the Druida football stadium had been hit by a freak blizzard and they would have to be in the evil snow! The squad doesn't mind playing in rain, high winds, mudslides, next to volcanoes, or even in jungle, but they absolutely hate the cold and the snow. This unexpected turn of events is likely the cause of the suprise draw the squad had with the team with the ugly kits and flag, which they might of lost had Masteron decided to retire after the last Cup of Harmony, as he had planned to.

The squad was let in an early goal to one of the Druidian forwards, yet they remained relatively poised given the conditions they were being forced to play in. The Druidians managed a few more dangerous attacks in the half, but Orien was sure handed on all his saves, not letting a single ball to rebound off of him. Dogood gave a long inspiring speech, trying to raise their spirits dispite the blisttering cold and the hated snow. Some of the percipitation had melted during the halftime break, and that made for a messy second half, with players slipping and sliding everywhere. Ben was another vicitim of the cruddy conditions, as he slipped outside the penalty area, but the ref called a foul on his marker. Masteron, who is deadly from the spot and anywhere around the box easily converted the free kick.

The game began to degrade shortly there after, as the conditions worsened, with more of the snow melting with the players running around in it, and the sun peeking through the clouds. The game finished with muddy,wet jerseys, and a few too many yellow cards for supposed tackles that were really players just losing their footing in the muddy conditions. However, the squad need not fret too much after this match, as they have the non-existant nation of Hockey Canada's squad up next, and should have a fairly easy time with the former power.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

FROM THE DESK OF THE MINISTER OF HOSPITALITY

We resent our plans for the hosting of the team from the country of Atheistic Right being portrayed as punishment or as religious hostility. In fact, this is solely to stress out the Atheistic Right team before their match. If we win we will begin thinking of doing this to everybody. However, our Council of Ancients is currently in session trying to think of something which will be more annoying which we can do to future visiting teams. Things like playing audio tapes of Frostican friars very softly in the shower. Rest assured that Schorteskatascansolani hates religious imposition just as much as the rest of you. This is why we only do it to our citizens, who are converted already.

"Have you seen this thing with the Atheists and that other country? It's hillarious!"

"Yeah, aren't we in the same group as them?"


"......."


"....Balls."

From the desk of Noz-Tf

If Schorteskatascansolani is such a pathetic nation that they must result to religious harassment to win football matches we pity them and their nation of losers. Real sporting champions ought to be able to win in any conditions and not resort to those kinds of appalling measures to win their matches. However dispicable we find those actions however, the proposed measures are still allowable and will not be sanctioned by the hosts.

Noz-Tf
President, Az-cz Football Federation

The Anyuna Observer: creeping up the backstairs, mother's nightmares...
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If At First You Don't Succeed... Cheat

Cafundéu.....................1 (Ijak 24)
Northern Bettia..........2 (Hiyashibara 67, Devanallt 82)

The Fire Ants always knew this would a tough game. Just two matches into their first ever World Cup, and already they were faced with a daunting trip to the surprise package of World Cup 32, Cafundéu. So what do you do when you're the underdogs? That's right - you cheat your socks off.

With this in mind, the Fire Ants started out on this tactic right from the off, collapsing on the ground whenever a home team player got anywhere near them. Say what you like about cheating, Northern Bettia have turned diving into a fine art and today was an exhibition. But for all their sneakiness, they were powerless to stop Cafundéu going ahead after twenty-four minutes when a precision pass by Kliek sprung the Northerners' offside trap, leaving Ijak with an easy one-on-one with Ozeki to make it one-nil to the home side.

With the home team ahead and seemingly in control, Northern Bettia kicked their dirty play up a gear, taking every opportunity to knobble their opponents whenever possible. Priotto was forced to leave the field early after a sly elbow in the chest from Megumi left him with a broken rib. The yellow cards also started to pile up thanks to some wonderful dramatics that wouldn't have been out of place on stage.

The dirty tactics continued into the second half, and it wasn't long before Ijak, Cafundéu's goalscorer and their most potent threat up until then, received his marching orders after picking up his second yellow card. Savio and Brahma appeared to be struggling after being on the receiving end of some hefty challenges, but they struggled gamely on.

However, the pressure and numerical advantage told and Northern Bettia equalised, courtesy of a thumping Hiyashibara header from Koizumi's lofted cross. Shortly afterwards, Cafundéu were reduced to nine players. Gwrlais Devanallt forced his way through the back line, but was crudely upended by Vargas just outside the area... well, that's how the referee saw it anyway. Television replays showed that no contact was made between the two players - however, the referee didn't have the benefit of modern technology, and so the home goalkeeper was given a straight red card, to a crescendo of boos from the aggreived home fans.

With a two-man advantage and the wind at their backs, Northern Bettia continued to push their beleagured opponents as hard as they could, eager to make their extra men count. After a period of constant pressure in which a succession of corners were forced, the Fire Ants finally went ahead as Gwrlais Devanallt, already unpopular with the home crowd, rubbed salt into their wounds by driving a stinging shot home after some neat play from Sakasayou found him in space at the top of the penalty area.

With two wins from two, Northern Bettia have already surpassed their expectations, but their sternest test now awaits them, in the shape of an away trip to reigning champions Ariddia. Will the same tricks serve as well as they did today? Or will the Rouge-et-Noirs teach them a footballing lesson?



Fixtures / Results


MD..OPPONENT.............VENUE...RESULT
01: Zwangzug.............HOME....W 2-1
02: Cafundéu.............Away....W 2-1
03: Ariddia..............Away
04: Fmjphoenix...........HOME
05: Houersteinzer........Away
06: The Archregimancy....HOME
07: Tanah Burung.........HOME
08: Dance 2 Revolution...Away
09: Algal States.........HOME
10: Fmjphoenix...........Away
11: The Archregimancy....Away
12: Ariddia..............HOME
13: Tanah Burung.........Away
14: Houersteinzer........HOME
15: Algal States.........Away
16: Zwangzug.............Away
17: Dance 2 Revolution...HOME
18: Cafundéu.............HOME

The fall out from Hockey Canada's demise was starting to hit the Druidish Lands more than it should. The usual dull overcast weather with occassional heavy rain showers was replaced by an unlikely blizzard that had obviously missed it's original target due to it not existing any more.

The Druidan masses were making their approach on Sedgefield Park, the 40,000 seat stadium in which Druida play their home games. The snow, they thought, would play to their advantage, what with living in a place as cold as Hockey Canada for so long. Those imitation Druidans wouldn't be used to this, surely.

However, it was hard going. The snow was falling so heavily, that the people could barely see the ends of their arms for the falling whiteness. However, the sounds of chanting fans was a bit of a give away as to where the stadium was. The only problem was how to get in.

After some frantinc searching, they stormed the stadium through a kicked down gate.

The place was empty. Then someone under the shelter of the stand looked down at their newspaper.

"Aw, crap. It was a morning kick-off!"

"Morning kick-off?"

"Yes. Apparently they played at half past nine in the morning."

"In the morning? But... how?"

"Well... I don't know. All I know is that Chem isn't here."

"Oh cock."

"Still, we could use the stadium as a plae to hold a rally. What with it being empty and everything."

"We... I guess... why not?"

"I'll speak first!"

"Why... it's..."

"Frank Gessemschmitthaagen-Po. Grandson of that legendary Druid striker Liam Gessemschmitthaagen-Po."

"Yes, that's you!"

"I know it's me! Now, let's have someone wire up the PA system and we'll get the show on the road."

"But aren't you in charge of the DFA?"

"Well, yes. But not the one that seems to be playing in this cup."

"So... who is playing for Druida in this cup?"

"We don't know. However, Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov has gone to Schiavonia, where they'll be playing their next game. Apparently, they're a friendly bunch, so hopefully they'll be able to help us out."

"Mr G-Po!" A young voice shouted out from the crowd.

"Yes, my boy."

"Isn't your DFA part of the Hockey Canada FA?"

"Well... yes."

"And haven't all the other parts of the Hockey Canada FA been destroyed?"

"Well... I guess..."

"So the Druidans with Hockey Canadian passports are currently the only people left who can represent Hockey Canada?"

"Well, they'll probably be the largest group, yes."

"So... why don't we play as Hockey Canada?"

"Because we're Druida!"

"But... we're not Druida... as in the team."

"But we should be!"

"So... why don't we start proving it? Because, by default, you are actually now in charge of the Hockey Canada FA."

"Really?"

"So you'll have to get a team together."

"OK then."

Just then, a bespecled gentleman comes up to Frank. "Your mic, Mr G-Po."

"No, I'm Frank, but thanks for wiring up the PA system. Now..."

"HELLO DRUIDANS!"

The crowd cheered.

"I know it's muddy and snowy out there, but living in Hockey Canada for thirty years, I'm sure we're used to it by now!"

A small titter is heard.

"Speaking of which, I've just heard that while we are the real Druidans, we are also the main Hockey Canadian group since their demise. And, as a result, we reckon that we're going to need a team to represent Hockey Canada. Any takers should meet here at this time tomorrow, and we'll find ourselves somewhere to have trials. Anyway..."

"So who's representing Hockey Canada now?"

"Um... that's a good question..."

"Surely their players won't be too happy."

"Well, I seem to be head of their FA, so..."

"Jobless and homeless. What kind of man are you?"

"Look, we'll talk to them. They'll probably be best for the job most of the time. But at least when we play Dru... when we play Hock... how would you put it... when Druida and Hockey Canada meet, we should be able to play against them and prove just who is best!"

"And will we play seven midfielders?"

"Of course we will!"

"Then I'm all for it!"

"YEAH!"

The crowd cheers as we head off into the distance. And so, when the 'Druida' team are playing Schiavonia, the real Druidans will be having trials to play for Hockey Canada. Get your head around that one if you can!

The Blessed Realm was in a sombre mood. After the first matchday's excitement, they could've been forgiven for thinking that their home game against Bostopia would be a forgone conclusion. But alas, when you've carved out a niche in the world top twenty, you're open for a good old-fashioned cup shock. As with the rest of the country, the Pie and Pixie was similarly downbeat...

"Three cheers for Bostopia!!"

Ahem... I said the Pie and Pixie was DOWNbeat...

"Come on guys - three cheers for Bostopia!"

Dozens of pairs of eyes were firmly fixed on George, that old Gabalfan denizen who was normally so proud of his nation.

"George - what the hell are you on?" his best mate Ali asks, looking just as perplexed as everyone else.

"Oh come, Bostopia deserve a lot of respect."

"Why, 'cos they beat us? I'm sorry, but I don't buy this losing-gracefully crap."

"No no, not that. They'll go to hell for pulling one over on us like that... but at least they didn't wear red."

A look of realisation slowly drifts onto Ali's face as he finally figures out just what the hell George is raving about.

"Oh yes... fair play to 'em. I mean, not many nations would actually respect our customs and change their kits just for us, now would they? Top blokes."

"Speaking of which Ali - what the hell are you wearing?"

Ali looks down at his chest - he's still wearing one of his cheap Northern Bettia Baptism of Fire T-shirts.

"Well, you know - I thought it might bring us a bit of luck."

"It brought NORTHERN Bettia luck. Look at the way they spawned a win just now. Perhaps now you could try following the RIGHT team."

"You're absolutely right - let's burn this pile of crap."

Before anyone could react, Ali whipped off his T-shirt to reveal his strong muscular physique - well, it was strong and muscular in his army days 50 years ago. Now, it was more of a sickly-white blancmange. Taking a lighter from his pocket - although why he kept a lighter in his pocket this writer will never now, as he has never smoked in his life - a held the flame up to the fabric and with a mighty WOOOMPH, it erupted into a fiercely blazing mass.

"Argh! My café!" Doris yelled as she leapt forth clutching her trusty and rusty fire extinguisher, which she hadn't used in almost twenty years (and that was only after she after she tried yanking it up when she accidently mistook it for a tree sprouting through her kitchen floor).

"Oh yes. Fire. Not good. Sorry."

"Come on George, off home with you... and cover yerself up, will you?"


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
01: Lovisa..................Away....W 4-2
02: Bostopia................HOME....L 0-1
03: Marceau State...........HOME
04: Jeruselem...............Away
05: Northern Caesarea.......HOME
06: New Propagandia.........Away
07: Elves Security Forces...Away
08: Collonie................HOME
09: Kelssek.................Away
10: Jeruselem...............HOME
11: Bostopia................Away
12: Kelssek.................HOME
13: Marceau State...........Away
14: New Propagandia.........HOME
15: Collonie................Away
16: Lovisa..................HOME
17: Northern Caesarea.......Away
18: Elves Security Forces...HOME

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-line.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner.gif

TREE TENANTS RIOT – START FOREST FIRE

Elderly tenants living in sub-standard public house-trees in an outer suburb of the capital First Creek Falls took matters into their own hands when they set fire to several trees in the wealthier areas closer to the falls. Leader of the octogenarian gang, ohroga, said that the tree houses, provided by the Office of Housing, were a hazard. “The trees are rotten and could fall down any moment. The one room bedsitters are tiny and inhuman. They wouldn’t meet current arboreal building standards. To top it off the Office doesn’t maintain them so they are in a state of extreme decrepitude.”

With the dry conditions persisting throughout the summer, the fires rapidly combined and broke control lines. Many of the protesters were, sadly, burnt to death in the resulting conflagration. Large sections of the city had to be evacuated and the current death toll stands at seventeen.

CALLS FOR RELIGIOUS TORTURE TO CEASE

Errinundrian diplomats have sent protest notes to the nation of Schorteskatascansolani. Protector of Foreign Affairs and Other Overseas Activities, iveitu, decried the terrifying techniques that the Schorts had devised. “To be locked up and then subjected to continuous religious haranguing is definitely cruel and unusual punishment. We urge all Errinundrians to boycott Schorteskatascansolani and any of their products that make their way into our nation.”

Social commentator, lowy, claims that the activity has some notable precedents. “The Archregimancy comes to mind immediately,” she told our reporter. “They also harangue visiting footballers for hours on end. To be fair in their case the footballers aren’t incarcerated but we have known of cases where trauma counselling was required.”

There are no calls to boycott Archregimancy at this stage. In any case, no-one knows how to get there and, furthermore, it is unlikely they produce anything for export other than religious pomposity and pedantry.

POTOROOS THROW AWAY WINNING LEAD

All credit must go to the visiting Swilatian team. Against a highly rated Errinundera here at the Ootopia Forest ground in Fanny Moo they pulled an unlikely draw out of the hat. The potoroos, in contrast, must be ruing the way they threw away a 3-1 lead. But goals in the 63rd and 76th minutes against a half-throttle potoroo defence ensured the Swilatis could go home with their heads held high.

Star for the visitors was Romańska who scored the first 2 goals for the visitors. He was modest about his achievements. “I didn’t play well for most of the game,” he said at his aftermatch press conference. “The potoroos were the better side. I just had two lucky chances.”

Angelic genderqueer captain coach, rosaniel, clearly disagrees. “Romańska is sensational,” que said at the same press conference. “He may not have had many opportunities but he made the most of the ones that came his way. That is the sign of a great striker.”

Norman Hacker watched AirSport News with interest. "So the Shortcakes are giving boring sermons to their opposition, eh? That sounds interesting..."

He picked up the phone. "Sarah, get me the Bishop of Northmere...hey, hi, Your Reverence, how are you?...yeah...yeah...yeah...Job, yeah...yeah...look...er...yeah...yeah...Ezra...yeah...yeah...yeah...hang...yeah...yeah...

"Yeah...yeah...er...let...er...yeah...yeah..."

*half an hour later*

"yeah...er...yeah...yeah..."

*click*

"Oh, for God's sake...I can't inflict that on anyone...let's launch a protest instead..."

JALBYR USS WHOL L'KATRILL
ANOTHER ONE FOR THE SLAUGHTER

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Fort Europe's national football team made the transition safely into the realm where the Holy Empire are located earlier this morning ahead of todays match, and we have just been informed of the team sheet. The team are also followed by a large number of traveling supporters keen to see their team cause further upset in group three after the stunning win last week against the Lowland Clans. Stuart Moss once again makes little change to the side he says can beat anyone if they put their minds to it. Fans may not be quite so confident but they will be willing their team on and expecting a decent result at the end of the day. The Commonwealth News team will of course be bringing you a full match report later this evening as well as more of those outstanding pictures people have been commenting on.

STARTING XI

GK - James West
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Ryan Holmes (C)
MF - Mia Nevola
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Tim Forrester
DF - Aki Haddon
MF - Andy Fletcher
AF - Josephine Blanchard

OOC: Milchama, and anyone else interested, the pictures are simply screen prints from a computer game (Pro Evolution Soccer 6) which can be found in any good PC store... I believe it has a different name in the US and Japan. All I've done is edited the kits to represent my team and each of my opponents. So basically cheating I'm afraid, but they still look good.

MD3 RP Cutoff

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Swilatia Disgusted by Schorteskatascansolanian Religious Torture

After a world cup qualification, Schorteskatascansolani has decided that the next country they will have a match against, Atheistic Right, is a godless nation, and they have decided to punish their team by subjecting them to "five hours of religion".

We find this disgusting, and since most Swilatians are atheists, many of them are protesting, and at half a million Swilatians have gathered in the Park Dwóch Rzek in Vilvek to protest this descision. Schorteskatascansolani should be thankful that most of Swilatia's terrorists are Frinastism revivalists, disgusted with their own country's atheism. However since they are promoting a religion other then the half-dead religion of Frinastism, an attack on Schorteskatascansolani might be waiting to happen.

As well as the Vilvek Protests, many Swilatians are boycotting products from Schorteskatascansolani. And we happen to be only one of the countries going against this, as even the Archregimancy is disgusted with this. Who knew they would go against this, as to many Swilatians, they appear to be one of the few nations who would actually puish some-one for atheism. Other nations protesting this are Az - Cz and Errinundera.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Quodites sharply divided as football meets politics

An emerging issue at World Cup 33 has caught the attention of citizens across Quintessence of Dust, but it may well go well beyond football. It has transpired that Schorteskatascansolani will be subjecting players from Atheistic Right to extensive sermonising before their match, given their perception of the avowedly secular nation as 'ungodly'. The move has sparked condemnation from various other national football associations, media commentators and even governments, and so the question now burning in the mind of every Quodite is: should we jump on the bandwagon?

A prelimary poll commissioned by the Ministry of Tolerance suggested that 2% of Quodites believe we should jump on the bandwagon and yammer on, blowing the whole thing grossly out of proportion in a desperate attempt to cloud out the possibility of having to think up anything original to say, while 2% believe we just forget about it and move on. 96% say they can't imagine anything else in the world they could possibly give less of a shit about (though this statistical data has been called into question by academics who cite the response 'I could care less' as misleading).

Given Quintessence of Dust's strong separation of church and state, and history of liberty, tolerance and freedom, except when it comes to religion, where they can pretty much go shaft themselves, national sympathies naturally lie strongly with the players of Atheistic Right. Nonetheless, this has not translated into wholesale support for a statement of support, chiefly because so few people really give a rat's ass about it, but also because some feel the issue to have already been done to death.

Joachim Van Mullet, leader of the civil liberties group Fuck Religion, said that, "Well, I must note that there is definitely no god, and anyone who believes in such should, in the interests of freedom of conscience, be summarily executed. Nonetheless, I find it really hard to believe that adding another 'me too' to the pile is going to contribute anything much to international discourse on the matter. We should be spending our time more productively, setting Buddhists on fire." Disagreement came from Ezekiel Transpiration, who spoke to The New Cleethorpes Enquirer yesterday, while standing over a dead horse and mercilessly flogging it. "It's important that we strongly condemn this kind of indoctrination, because if we do so we might get an RP bonus without having to actually use our brains."

The government has confirmed it will not be hiring Schorteskatascansolanian contractors to rebuild the fourth wall, but that that will not form part of any wider embargo.

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right its time for your future president to tell it like is. I’m Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth here at WTRU. Today people have asked about my foreign policy plans and I’m happy to tell you the voters more about it.

“While I believe we need a Tynelia First policy where we need to take care of things at home before we look outside our borders, I don’t dismiss the rest of the world. I mean someone needs to take all the useless soccer equipment off our hands and people out there actually enjoy this so-called sport. Speakin’ of which did anyone watch the exciting draw the national team had? Yup another great moment in soccer history. Go tune into WSOC if you want to hear how Jakes saved another embarrassing loss and team the barely escaped with their dignity. I’m done with it here.

“I think we need to get our heads together. All of the other nations in our region have degenerated to barbarians more or less. Their governments imploded , their people wandered off- probably to become soccer players- and nothing is left of these lands. Tynelia can not follow in this same path I say. Sure things look good now but they can be better. Under a McPhee presidency I will look to find us a regional alliance where we can find allies to protect ourselves from outside aggression and bolster the Tynelian economy.

“Once we’re there we can show the joys of real athletic competitions like football- the real kind, and hockey. Things that many of these lands may not have even experienced in their lives forcing them to settle for so-called sports like soccer for their enjoyment. Tynelia has a duty to right these wrongs and give the people something that they may actually enjoy.

“ Naturally Tynelia will not look to these places empty handed. Not at all, with military funding bolstered by new revenue in our sports establishments overseas and without the drain of a soccer federation to waste precious money, Tynelia will boast a strong military arm to show we will not be walked over, unlike on the soccer field, and prove ourselves to be a nation that other alliances will come to blows trying to get us to join. That is the Tynelia I want to have the world see. Not a bunch of soccer wimps. Ok let’s see what my callers have to say this show. This is the Voice of Truth and you’re on the air.”

“Why all the hating on soccer, its good exercise and anyone can play?”

“Well that’s my point- soccer is the means to mediocrity, any no talent schmuck can play it. That’s why our teams are so horrible all the time. Its disgraceful, at least in real football you know only the best of the best will be out there, not some fast food worker who kicks a ball around for ten minutes a day and calls himself an athlete! Next caller.”

“Do you think just by canceling soccer funding you can free up enough money for the military?”

“Good question and no other so-called sports need to be looked at and have their funding cut as well. As horrible as soccer is, its not worth what it used to a few years back so we’ll get less out of them. But don’t worry there are more than enough so-called sports out there that we won’t have to raise any taxes to cover it. Next caller, the is the Voice of Truth you’re on the air.”

“Yeah do you even think you have a chance here. I mean we have seven candidates and you’re not even in double digits yet in the polls.”

“Well caller, a lot of people haven’t heard of me yet but that’s why I’m on this show, to let the people know who I am and what I stand for. Our numbers have been rising, slower than I’d like maybe but still on the upswing. Don’t count me out yet caller. There’s still a long time to go.

“And that’s all the time I have for today’s show. But don’t worry, the staff here tells me this is their highest rated program so I won’t be leaving anytime soon. Next show I’ll try to touch on domestic policy a bit more to make this a cleaner Tynelia. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”

“So herald, have you seen my daughter around?” King John IV asked in a pleasant manner-for him.

“Which one sire?” the servant questioned replied.

“Princess Donna of course, she was bothering me for money for a world tour, as if she or any of my precious daughters would ever leave the safety of Tessan. I love that girl dearly but sometimes she seems a bit headstrong, a flaw on her mother’s side no doubt. You know how it is, late teens, fearing she’ll end up as a spinster.”

“Oh yes of course sire. I believe I heard your sons saying she decided to travel the country instead sire.” The servant answered

“Ah good girl, letting the common riff raff adore her as she graces them with her presence. Too bad she wasn;t a son, she’d make a fine Duke I’d wager. Where are the boys anyway?”

“I think they heard a royal herald returned with the latest results of that contest. He arrived an hour ago I think.”

“WHAT!?! Why was I not told of this sooner!” the king thundered his temper kindled.

“You were in your study sire. You know only your family is allowed to disturb you when you are in there your majesty.” The servant replied fearfully.

“Of course I know that! Who are you to lecture me about my own procedures. Away with you before I find someone who knows your name so I can have you whipped for your insolence.” The king demanded as the servant fled.

Making his way to the royal chambers the king found Crown Prince John and his second son the Royal Prince Jeffery talking together in the hall.

“So boys we triumphed again didn’t we?”

“Afraid not father, we did win one match but this time we drew with those Sativaville people- remember from the inaugural event we first entered a long time ago.” Prince Jeffery answered

“Doesn’t ring a bell. Are you sure son?”

“Yes father we did, we were both on the team then. They were defeated the same round we were I think.” Prince John agreed with his brother. “They are supposedly ranked above us so this is a good showing for the knights.”

“Bah no one outranks us boys. Did that Miller fellow save the day again? I really should have him knighted one of these days. Be good for the riff-raffs morale raising one of their own.”

“Yes father, he got our lone goal and two of our three the other match. Black Knight #3 got the third.” Jeffery went on.

“I see, well send word I expect more victories. Draws are unacceptable though better than failure I suppose.”

“Yes father”

Teams Forget to Show Up, Match Ends in Goalless Draw

AP - The match between Philodox Weltschmerz and Kingsford today was out of the three matches that Kingsford has thus played at an international level by far the dullest. If you had a ticket to the game, you would have been severely disappointed, as neither team showed up to play, and the match ended in a goalless draw.

And not even figuratively, like, they were there, they just didn't put their hearts into it. Neither team showed up to play at the stadium. It was 90 minutes of a ball sitting at midfield. Seriously.

An anonymous Kingsforder player commented: "Look, I don't want to say we were hungover or anything, but man! I was completely hammered."

The celebrations after the 3-0 victory against The Islands of Qutar were even more widespread than after the ones against Swilatia, as the match was at home. Country-wide full scale Bacchanalia ensued, engulfing the country in a whirlpool of debauchery and hedonism.

The Kingsforder team was largely unaccounted for after the victory, though there were several reported sightings.

Defender William Disnes was reported seen at eleven total bars before heading into a gentlemen's club, and he has allegedly yet to emerge. Details are still unclear about his whereabouts.

Fellow Defender John Waldernosse was reported in a car crash after drunkenly driving into a local clowning school. Waldernosse blamed the clowns for starting all of the world's major wars, and then tried to reach the shore of nearby Byran Bay to "swim to the fatherland." Waldernosse received minor injuries, but has been placed on the injured list for one match as a precaution.

Goalkeeper Michael Styel was seen playing in a Styx tribute band in the middle of the street during the ensuing riot after the win. His current location is unknown.

Forward and absentee from the Qutar match Peter Teldernem could be seen at his house on West Yeoton Street in the Upper North District looking sadly out the window. Teldernem has been put on espousal hiatus from the team, and will not be returning until his wife deems international play, his teammates, the stadium, and "that drunkard of a coach" safe for him to be around. It is not expected that he will return. He has been placed on the "injured" list, and his position will be fielded by Gabriel Markmohain, whose substitute position will be fielded by Golion striker Tom Guest.

Goalscorer and shoeless midfielder Steven Veot was seen at 1:14 AM climbing to the top of Cilas Obregon Stadium just as another section of the stands collapsed. Veot is alive and seems to have only suffered a broken arm and other minor injuries. He has been placed on the injured list until further notice. The current capacity of the stadium stands at 8,401.

Kingsford's next match is upcoming against Sel Appa at home. Sel Appa notched a 3-0 victory over the HURD, however has two losses, including a 3-1 loss against The Islands of Qutar and a 3-2 loss against Nebuleux. The general consensus of journalists, sports commentators, and 14 year old kids everywhere is that Kingsford will get stomped. Kingsford is definitely playing without four of their starters, and two are still unaccounted for. The match should be interesting. When asked about the upcoming fixture, Commissioner of the FFAK Arthur Black said "I just hope the stadium doesn't collapse any more while the game is going on.




Matchday I - Kingsford at Swilatia: W
Matchday II - Kingsford v. Islands of Qutar: W
Matchiday III - Kingsford at Philodox Weltschmerz
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.png @ http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Philodox_Weltschmerz.png

Match Facts
none

Steamed Crabs Spanked by Krytenia

Cluichabad Surprisingly Quiet Afterwards

CLUICHABAD, CLUICHSTAN -- The streets of Cluichabad were oddly quiet following Cluichstan's 4-1 loss to Krytenia. Heightened security for the match appears to have worked.

Despite being visibly drunk throughout the match, Azzag struck early for Cluichstan, scoring on a header in just the third minute of the match on a cross from his partner in central midfield and team captain, Drarreg. Azzag found himself on the end of the cross after stumbling into the penalty area and tripping over his own feet, luckily sending him flying right into the outswinging ball, which then bounced off his head and wound up in the back of the net.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40167000/jpg/_40167784_gascoigne203.jpg
Cluichstani midfielder Azzag may have been tanked during the match, but he did manage to get the ball into the back of the net.

However, that was all the scoring the Steamed Crabs would muster in the match. Krytenia then rattled off four goals before the end of the first half, all the scoring they would need, so at the start of the second half, Krytenia used all three of its substitutions, letting two of their lesser players take the pitch, as well as a wombat named Norman, who replaced the Krytenia goalkepper. They then proceeded to run field drills around the Cluichstani squad for 45 minutes.

Cluichstani skipper and the country's minister for sport, Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich, considered protesting the entry of Norman into the match, as the wombat wasn't listed on the Krytenian roster, but quickly changed his mind. "They were kicking our asses anyway," the sheik said. "They spanked us like cheap whores. It's not like it made a lick of difference either way. The could've had a gnat in net, and they'd still have won."

When asked about his squad's performance, the sheik stormed out of the press romm, but not before throwing an obscene gesture at reporters and shouting, "Sod off, you knobjockeys!"

The reaction from Cluichstaqni supporters was surprisingly quiet -- some might say non-existent. Despite a packed house at Palpatine Road, heightened security measures seem once again to have quashed any potential violence that may have come about following the Steamed Crabs' loss.

http://www.boreme.com/oboreme/media-pictures/stormtroopers.jpg
Cluichstani security forces set up a perimeter around Palpatine Road.

Cluichabad Police Commissioner Sheik Nodrog bin Cluich hailed the work of his security forces. "They did an excellent job," he said. "Luckily, since our team's next match is away, my guys'll get a little breather."

The Steamed Crabs play next at Commerce Heights JSY and then host Qazox back in Cluichabad. "We'll be ready for that match," Sheik Nodrog said. "We're even working on some new security vehicles that might help my guys out."

Dazza: Hi all, it's Dazza "get naked" Dallas here. Wayne is busy with some business so I doing all the business on THE FOOTBALL LIFE today. The highest rating 15 minutes on Jeruselem television, only on Jeruselem Government News. I'm with the Jeruselem team captain, known as TunkerHunker in some nations. This is the World Cup 33.
Tunk: Good to be here

Dazza: Doing a great job there Tunk, three wins in row although the defense looks a bit leaky.
Tunk: Well, yes a little leaky by World Cup 32 standards but we have new players who are still getting used to playing with the team.

Dazza: Not scoring as many goals as last world cup either
Tunk: I think our opponents are much better this cup so it's going to be harder to score goals.

Dazza: You and Rashina sorted out your differences over team tactics?
Tunk: Sort of, Rashina can be pain as vice captain sometimes. She's nowhere is easy going as you when you were captain.

Dazza: 10th wedding anniversary coming up! How are you going to celebrated it with your wife when you are at the World CUp?
Tunk: We'll just delay the celebrations until it's all over.

Dazza: What do think of Playboy Miss February? (smiling)
Tunk: You remind of my wife. Not many small women like my wife around. She likes to have fun like you and do silly things for her man. She will do anything for me.

Dazza: What's this big man obsession with small women?
Tunk: I don't know. Maybe it's the opposites thing - I like small women, they are cute like you for example.

Dazza: Today's game - TWO ONE win against the Elves Security Forces. A good test for the after playing two weaker teams,
Tunk: We need to play better, Bettia are up next and well - we can't expect them to give up points.

Dazza: Well, we need to score more goals if we are to beat Bettia.
Tunk: Yes, we have only scored seven goals so far. Bettia's attack are good but our defense is the key.

Dazza: In other games, frontrunner Kelssek's streak halted when they were held to a draw by the impressive New Propagandia 2 ALL. Jeruselem claim to top spot now because Kelssek drew. Looks like Kelssek's impressive run was streaky but they have not lost a game yet.
Tunk: Their defense is the problem - if they don't score - they still leak the two goals per game. They are like Bettia, all out attack I guess.

Dazza: Bettia bounced back from the recent loss and beat the Frenchies or Marceau State, FOUR TWO. Back to what Bettia do best - score goals but they did conceded two goals again.
Tunk: It's no secret Bettia's form of defense is attack. They attack well but sometimes scoring can be hard against some opponents.

Dazza: Bostopia roll on! Lovisa got smacked THREE NIL and yes another win to the Bostopians. Doing well Bostopia, you might even qualify.
Tunk: I'm impressed by Bostopia. Good defense and they are seem to be enjoying themselves too. Lovisa are definitely not having their own way on their return.

Dazza: Northern Caesarea handed out a thrashing to Collonie, FOUR ONE. They look good while the team from Collonie just keep on losing games. Caesar will be pleased!
Tunk: Northern Caesarea and Elves Security Forces should be the teams to grab third spot but with Bostopia and Kelssek winning games, it's going be tight. I still think Northern Caesarea is the main contenter assuming Bettia make the top 2.

Dazza: Oh the poor Lions! Squornshelous beat them ONE NIL, to inflict the 2nd loss for the Nedalians.
Tunk: I'm worried about Nedalia. Losing to Turori and Squornshelous - teams which they must beat later. It's a worry, I hope the Lions get the wins they need in a tough group.

Dazza: Oh, and the game between Schorteskatascansolani and Atheistic Right. Atheistic Right lost to the Protestants NIL TWO. It's easy to see why - after getting hours of some idiot raving on about why they should not be athiests, you will get weary and not play at your best. I feel sorry for Atheistic Right. Jeruselem wouldn't do that do them at all, it's sick.
Tunk: Yes I agree. It's only football, leave the team alone.

Dazza: YAP YAP, I have to ask how does a man become so big and strong? I'm a little woman, so I curious.
Tunk: Genetics and then training. Someone like you will never grow big like me - short Mum and short Dad. I'm just lucky but I work hard on my body like any athelete does.

Dazza: They say you pick up women - literally!
Tunk: Depends on the woman, someone like you is easy to lift. If they are fat, too hard.

Dazza: Let's see a demonstration, use me.
Tunk: OK Dazza.

<Tunk picks up Dazza with one arm and lifts her above his shoulders>

Dazza: Tunk's the man, look at this.
Tunk: You are quite light Dazza.

Dazza: Easy to pick up as they say!
Tunk: <puts Dazza down> And you are quite a character.

Dazza: That's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Jeruselem take on Bettia next, don't miss it.

Bostopia [3] Lovisa [0]
Collonie [1] Northern Caesarea [4]
Bettia [4] Marceau State [2]
Kelssek [2] New Propagandia [2]
Elves Security Forces [1] Jeruselem [2]

Group 9

Squornshelous [1] Nedalia [0]
Schorteskatascansolani [2] Atheistic Right [0]

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 2-0 Northern Bettia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_bettia.png

Epa stands his (frozen) ground

Forewarned of Northern Bettia’s propensity for cheating, Ariddia had decided to spring a little surprise of its own, hosting the match at the Arctic National Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands), with sub-zero temperatures. The Ariddian players spent several days getting used to the cold, although they were still shivering as the national anthems were played. The Northern Bettians, on the other hand, looked frozen.

With the team doctor having ordered Xavier Xu not to play, Sio Epa was the Rouge-et-Noirs’ starting goalkeeper. S/he looked more confident this time – albeit cold, despite a flask of hot cocoa accessible near hir goal cage. S/he was able to block every shot on goal that came hir way from the Northern Bettian players, leaving hir team mates free to focus their efforts on attack.

Goals by Sébastien Lescrit and Giorgos Charisteas, both in the first half, were enough to earn the Ariddians an extra three points.

Meanwhile, the Ariddian Football Association joined in the chorus of international condemnation heaped onto Schorteskatascansolani. An AFA spokesman suggested that, should instances of ill-treatment against visiting players be repeated, Schorteskatascansolani’s matches should be forfeited, or held on neutral third ground.

“I’d also like to make the most of this press conference,” Jean-François Châlet added, “to invite nations participating in the World Cup to send blind football and amputee football teams to the upcoming Arcadian Ylompics ( http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=516589 ). If enough teams are present, these events will be included by the organising committee, enabling players with disabilities to take part for the first time.”

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.16

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Earl Marjoribanks, Sir Kevin Stump, Sir Colin Sandwich, Mr E Jeffries, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies and the minutes of the last meeting were approved.

The Financial Officer reported that there were profits of four guineas from the previous activities. Unfortunately the FO announced he had a hole in his pocket and the guineas are now somewhere in Warpstone's sewage system. The Chairman deprecated the news and asked whether such a loss was insured. The FO responded in the negative. NH asked whether he had embezzled it. The FO fainted. NH said he was only joking. The Chairman said that there was a time and a place and this was neither. The FO recovered.

EJ announced that he no longer cared about the pension scheme as everyone seemed to pooh pooh his ideas. The Shade said it was not a question of pooh poohing but ensuring that all facts were known. KS agreed that he was not interested in pooh pooh and that the scheme was of major importance. NH said they were all talking pooh pooh which KS denied.

The Chairman revealed that he wanted to write a very stiff letter to the Police over the arrest of Mr Jellicoe over the theft of the Borrowbrook church bells. NH said he had some cardboard if he needed it. The Chairman said he did not see the relevance. His Grace expressed confidence that the discussion between Mr Jellicoe and the Police would result in the total exoneration of Mr Jellicoe. NH asked whether it was true that when Mr Jellicoe said he had nothing to do with things the arresting officer said "pull the other one, sir, it has bells on it." The Chairman commented that whether it had bells on it was precisely the point that the Police had to investigate.

A letter from the Marfield FA expressed thanks for the pea that fitted the refereeing whistle perfectly and the Marfield matches could now continue. However they were running short of whitewash for the line. NH suggested they use tipp ex. IT WAS RESOLVED that whitewash be purchased for the Marfield FA.

EJ provided a report from the Foldwater FA regarding the orange card trial. There appeared to be some confusion between the players and officials as to which card was being shown. Two players had walked off the pitch in one match thinking they had been sent off when they were merely being given final warnings. Another match had to be abandoned after a player refused to leave the pitch, arguing that he was not being shown a red card but instead the second card which was described as a shade of Winton Orange. NH suggested writing "orange" on the orange card. The Shade said that this would cause problems for the colour blind. IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that the experiment be dropped.

NH reported on the World Cup. Wentland beat Acapais by one goal to nil and NH stated that Wentland still had the only 100% record in the group. His Grace expressed concern that the match was dreadfully dull as neither team seemed that interested in trying to score. NH said that so long as they shalt not pass all that was needed was one chance, which is what happened. A defensive game was one for purists, which only those uninterested in football could understand. His Grace conceded the point. NH said that is what Acapais did. KS proposed a hoo-rah for NH and IT WAS RESOLVED nem con that NH be hoo-rahed.

There being no other business the meeting was closed.

http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Sbc8.png

Yet another draw in the world cup

So today the Swilatian team had a home match, and it was a draw. The stadium was almost empty, as many of Swilatia's fans, were out in the park dwóch rzek protesting Schorteskatascansolani's plans to punish the visiting the team for being from a "godless country". Kind of sounds like something the Archregimancy would do, but it turns out that they are against this act as well. Then again, many countries are protesting against Schorteskatascansolani.

However, let's get oto the match, since so many people were unable to see it. To start this off, it was a 2-2 draw with Green Wombat. I find it quite surprising we did not win, since that team is a failure, but a draw is good enough. After all, it at least gives us some points, yet a loss gives none at all.

So, this match was pretty eventless in the first half, mostly offense sides of the two teams trying to get the ball from each other. Some shots were made, but no goals were scored for either team. Not one for Swilatia, not one for Green Wombat. Maybe the protestors in the park did not really need to see this match anyway, they would have been disappointed by how this half ends, because no-one likes 0-0 draws.

Now step into the second half, thongs are different. At 52 minutes Rycerski scores the first goal, putting the Swilatian team in the lead. However, this is rather short-lived as at 60 minutes, Green Wombat scored their first goal. If Swilatian fans saw this, they would have complained loudly about how the Swilatian team can never hold a lead for a good amount of time. In fact, that's what the few Swilatia fans in the stadium did.

Putting Swilatia's rowdy fans aside, Dąbrowski scored Swilatia's second goal, at 71 minutes, starting Swilatia's second lead. This one did not last long either, with Green Wombat scoring a goal at 77 minutes. More complains about the team's poor defense followed, and that while the match against Errinundera showed that Swilatia has a great offensive side, we all knoe the defense needs improvent.

After this, Swilatian fans were hoping for another Swilatian goal, since it would win the game as there would be not much time for Green Wombat to tie up the scores again, but no goal came the game ended in a draw.

The next match will be against the islands of Qutar. It won't be an easy match, but as it was shown in the Errinundera match, we should be able to win this one. And a win might actually get us out of our low position in our group.

[Narrator] And now on BTV1, with highlights of tonight’s Qualifying action for World Cup 33, and extended highlights of the Bostopia -v- Lovisa game, it’s Matchnight Bostopia!

The theme music for Matchnight Bostopia kicks off (pun intended) with a shrill blow of a whistle, before launching into a catchy theme that was probably being downloaded by TV Themeaddicts worldwide.

[Lyle] Hello! I’m Brian Lyle, this is Matchnight Bostopia! Welcome to the show, but now, let’s take a look at what we’ll be showing you tonight. In a few minutes time, we’ll be showing you extended highlights of Bostopia versus Lovisa at the Bostopia Stadium, and then after the break, highlights of Dance 2 Revolution at home against Cafendéu, Vilita versus Qazox, the HURD’s matchup with Rejistania, Wentland’s home fixture against Acapais, the Aqua Moose at home to Bazalonia, Kulikova’s game with Yafor 2 and Turori’s game with Commerce Heights.

But first, as promised and expected after every game, time to hand over to our commentators in the Bostopia Stadium, Ty Avery, and Byron Conway!

The TV footage cuts to the scene of the stadium just after the playing of the national anthems.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png versus http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/lovisa.png
BOSTOPIA versus LOVISA


[Avery] Hello, I’m Ty Avery, and alongside me, is Byron Conway.

[Conway] Hi folks. Back to the routine following last week’s “mono-kit”, with Bostopia playing in all red, and they start off attacking right – to – left, as is tradition in Bostopia. Let’s have a look at that all-important starting 4 – 4 – 2 lineup.

Greg Hearn in goal, with Neill Freat on the left of defense, Gary Young and Manfred Harrick across the centre with Irringvale Borough’s Craig Hart at right back.

On the left of midfield is Rob Kripp, with Andy Perrar and Captain Steven Serring in the centre, and Dan Reppon starts as our right winger.

Upfront is Ian Kraft and Jamie Trent, scorer of last week’s goal against Northern Caesarea.

And it looks like we’re set to go, Lovisa to kickoff.

[Avery] The striker plays the ball back…but it’s been intercepted by Jamie Trent! He’s charging down the middle of the pitch now, skips past one midfielder, nutmegs the defender, last man to beat now, he slows the ball down, almost jogging toward him but knocks the ball past him, the keeper’s coming to meet it but Trent’s going to get their FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST! ONE NIL! WITHIN THE OPENING SECONDS OF THE GAME! TRENT’S FLICKED THE BALL OVER THE ADVANCING ‘KEEPER INTO THE BACK OF THE NET!

[Conway] Look at the disquiet in the Lovisan ranks already!

[Avery] Well, Bostopia are by far the better team on paper, but this is totally unexpected!

--- 14th Minute ---

[Conway] As you were saying Ty, the game’s been relatively quiet since that opening goal. Lovisa did try and snatch an immediate equaliser, but were stopped from breaking through the defense. And that’s really all that’s happened, rarely any fouls, the occasional offside. Looks like it could be a dull one.

[Avery] That it could be, but the Bostopian fans are trying to start a party atmosphere. Well, it’s not a good sign when the commentators are commentating on the wave, but here goes. Here’s another one, started in Home Section C on the East side of the stadium, working it’s way down the seats, C4, C5, C6 and so on…into Section D now…nice technique they have there, ok into the main north stand Sections E and F, the nudists sections next, yep…look at them rise! Section G, still going H, ooh, poor showing!

The crowd boos.

[Conway] Well, that IS where the dignitaries sit.

[Avery] That’s true, but at least we know where Emperor Boston is, he’s usually the one out of the 150 odd people standing up for the wave…and it’s picked up again in J…ok going good…K, L, still strong…section M, the away section, doing well, the Lovisan fans are passing up that opportunity…N still going, O doing well staunchest Lovisans there apparently, ok section P we’re back with Bostopian fans, section Q and R going well, ok, back into the East stand, A, B, and back with C, and they’re going round again.

[Conway] And we’ll stop there, else we may get fired.

--- 29th Minute ---

[Avery] A rare Bostopian attack from this most midfield of games, Serring passes the ball right to Hart who’s darted from the right back position down the flank, and continues to do so, he looks up, Trent, Reppon and Kraft in the box, he crosses the ball in, controlled by Kraft on his chest and HIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! TWO! NIL! BOSTOPIA!

[Conway] What a goal by Kraft! Absolutely stunning! He took it so well on his chest then curled his left foot round to practically volley it in on the drop down, but it wasn’t coming, let me tell you.

[Avery] You’re right, the game’s been played basically in the midfield, not that Kraft minds, that’s his third ever international goal.

--- 37th Minute ---

[Conway] GOAL! Lovisa pull one back! No! It’s been disallowed, offside.

[Avery] Definitely offside, but the Lovisan fans don’t appear to think so.

---46th Minute ---

[Conway] And at half time, the score is Bostopia 2 – 0 Lovisa.

---51st Minute ---

[Conway] Hearn throws the ball out to Young. Young plays the ball forward, finds Serring in midfield. Serring comes forward, passes it left to Perrar. Perrar floats a long ball over to the left wing, finds Kripp, sprints forward with the ball, crosses the ball in…and it’s been caught by Lovisa’s goalkeeper.

[Avery] Another attack breaks down, we should be well ahead by now.

--63rd Minute ---

[Avery] Alright, Trent coming off for Dingaer, Lawfold for Young and Peart for Perrar.

--- 77th Minute ---

[Conway] Corner for Bostopia, to be taken by Serring from the right…he floats it in, met by the head of LAWFOOOOOOOOOOOLD! THREE NIL! HIS FIRST EVER GOAL FOR BOSTOPIA!

[Avery] That’s it, game, set and match – Bostopia! I don’t see Lovisa coming back from this.

--- 93rd Minute ---

[Avery] And that’s it, it’s all over, Bostopia Three, Lovisa One.

Coverage goes back to the studio.

[Lyle] There you are, a three nil win. But, after the game, a theft was reported from the Bostopian changing room, and the Fort Boston Police Force are currently looking into it. If you have any information, call Crimestoppers from anywhere in Bostopia for free on 0800 NOCRIME, that’s 0800 6627463.

If you’re a Lovisan fan who may have seen something, or are otherwise outside the Twin Isles of Bostopia, ring +267-001-84338. All calls are confidential, and they’ve pledged to reimburse all callers.

Next, after the break, we’ll have more football action.

"Peter Rogers, we're here tonight with you in Lethislavania, after an exciting match that saw you draw two-all with the Fighting Green. Your initial reactions?"

A young man with blonde hair, shirt stuck to his skin with perspiration and breathing heavily, stands in front of the camera.

"Yeah, Alyssa. Well, it was a bit odd, I gotta say...playing...robots...I mean, I'm not a bigot or anything, robots absolutely have rights and everything...and uh...they play a mean game of football...but a little weird walking out and facing up, all the same. But once things get started, yeah, it's all the same really: doesn't matter who you're playing."

"Tonight's game was end-to-end stuff: Lethislavania played some very attacking football throughout, and you did too."

"Yeah, it was attacking. Four goals is a lot, but there could have easily been more: maybe we could have taken a few more chances, maybe they could have, but I think a draw reflected things reasonably well. And although it was attacking, it was all in good spirit...uh, do robots have spirits? Well, what I mean is: no bookings, and very few fouls. I thought that was good: we needed that."

"The absence of Dennis Young on suspension didn't limit your attacking options too much, seemingly."

"Not having Dennis was obviously a blow: not only is he a great striker, but he's a great team player and he was missed on the pitch. But I think it shows the resilience of the squad that we put together a good attacking game without him. Jess played well, and Benvolio when he came on. Of course, Roger still had to work his ass off: he really deserved his goal."

"Starting Jessica Jensen and Robert Robson was taken by some in the press to indicate you'd take a more defensive approach, but instead you came out with all guns blazing, scoring in the first five minutes. Was that your intention?"

"Well, we did kind of plan on scoring, yeah, heh. But no, we didn't specifically aim to get an early lead: we just wanted to apply as much early pressure as possible to test them, and see how we'd fare. It was only when we let up a bit that they began counter-attacking, and slipping from a lead to a goal behind probably reflects that we let the game go a bit in the middle. We'll have to work on that."

"In the last game you missed a penalty: you must have been extra pleased to score tonight, then. What was going through your head as you took it?"

"I wasn't really thinking about the last one: we won that match anyway, and of all the penalties you take, you're bound to miss a few. Roger said he was happy for me to take it, and I felt pretty confident. The tricky thing was reading the keeper: or rather, not."

"Because he was a robot?"

"Yeah..."

"Many were surprised to see Alfred Cynus make an appearance as substitute against JSY: not tonight?"

"Alf was on the bench, and if things had gone differently maybe he would have a run: he seems like he's still in shape, and he beat every one of us in the training run yesterday. It's inspirational having such a veteran round."

Viewers may detect a slight rolling of the eyes as the final sentence is uttered.

"Obviously. Your next match sees you face up to Vilita, another experienced World Cup side. Will the home advantage be enough?"

"The home advantage...well, obviously, it'll be good to get back to Quintessence, and I'm sure the crowd will support us, but to be honest, the travelling fans have done a great job too. I really want to thank them: there's nothing more rejuvenating for tired legs than hearing a bunch of drunken tourists trying to remember the words to our national anthem. So I'm not sure playing at home will be overwhelmingly important, but we can hope."

"Theo Littlefellow will be returning from suspension: that's obviously a plus."

"Yeah, absolutely. Bob put in a good game in the centre today, but it'll be good to get the whole back line back in action, and give us more attacking options on the left."

"And to get your captain too."

"Uh, yeah...to be honest, he can wear all the armbands he wants, he's still a crying little pussy."

"Peter, it's been charming talking to you.

"Thank you very much."

"Good luck against Vilita: you'll need it."

"Fuck you Alyssa, fuck you."

[i]Peter remains in front of the camera for a few moments."

"...yes?"

"We, uh...did just play a bunch of robots, right?"

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT…

“—at? What? Are we on the air yet? We are? Oh…”

The reporter wipes a strand of dark hair from his face.

“Turruth Gordur has just suffered the worst loss in the history of the Empire’s football program, a 1-7 slaughter compliments of Casari,” he says. “But, although they got beat on the scoreboard, Turruth Gordur beat Casari’s players mercilessly, especially after it became apparent that things were going heavily in Casari’s way.

“Turruth Gordur built a reputation for leaving other teams beaten and bruised in The YoungWorld region, and, thus far, they have maintained the same level of brutality in NationStates. Throughout the second half, members of Casari’s team were removed on stretchers, and, at least a couple, were taken to the emergency room due to blunt force trauma injuries.

“Two Turruth Gordur players—defenders Huldah Sangria and Varg Vikernes—received red cards for brutal fouls that left several Casari players bleeding on the pitch. Immediately after the ref whistled the end of the game, several Turruth Gordur players even started a scuffle with other Casari players who were trying to limp off the field. As he strode off the field to loud boos from the crowd, Turruth Gordur manager Gorgol ‘The Butcher’ Harad raised his fist and turned to our cameras…”

The image flickers and we see footage of The Butcher, looking extremely livid, screaming at the camera.

“They said I wouldn’t do it! They said that our team was too weak! I think after tonight they will respect us! If not for our footballing skills, for our viciousness! We have a couple thousand supporters in the stands…I call up on them now! BURN THIS PLACE DOWN! BURN IT! BURN IT NOW!”

The camera turns toward the stands, where Turruth Gordur supporters waving flags, begin hurtling flares and gas bombs all over the field and the stands. Casari fans run screaming and the players hobble off the field. In all the chaos, the Turruth Gordur players slowly stride off the field, defiantly.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/escape/images/piofirerages.jpeg

“In case you’re wondering, yes…a riot erupted in the stadium and it caught fire,” says the reporter with complete lack of emotion. “In fact, the stadium is currently on fire, and Casari firefighters are having a difficult time trying to put out the flames, mostly because Turruth Gordur supporters are attacking them outside the stadium. It is complete bedlam in Casari tonight. We will have to come back with an update once we leave the danger zone ourselves. Until then…once again, Casari wins 7-1, but it is Turruth Gordur who leaves the field walking.”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT…

Match Summary

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/casari.png Casari 7
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur 1

[CAS]
Lee Deo (34’, 37’, 62’)
Anna Eri (56’)
Kristen Welsani (58’, 66’)
Arthur Tory (70’)

[TG]
Draco Glaurung (45’)

Red Cards:
TG- Huldah Sangria (72’), Varg Vikernes (75’)

Yellow Cards:
Boldog Gothmog (81’), Ash Nazg (82’), Magda the Forsaken (85’), Snagda Lagduf (88’)

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur
vs.
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png Wentland
@ Gorgol Harad Memorial Park, Ered Lithui, Turruth Gordur
Capacity: 51,082

East Lithuania Gets 2-0 Victory!

After two straight draws with a total of one goal, East Lithuania has scored two goals in todays match and pulled out a well earned victory against New Montreal States. Not only that, but star keeper Jibreel Weaver pulled a shutout in the match keeping his honour strong by showing that he can be a world-class keeper. Now, the details of the match:

The teams came out of the pitch ready to play. Hard tackles, great passing, both teams really started out well. One drive by the New Montreal States almost got them a goal, but Weaver's quick hands knocked it away. In the 43rd minute, midfielder Mike Mongioj made a long pass in the box in the right position for captain Mettaliar Yanto to head it in for the first goal of the match, and second for him in the series. The New Montreal State's defense stepped up big time after that and tackled forward Andrew Mitchell hard in the box, giving him a penelty kick. Mitchell shot, but shot high and hit the cross-bar. At halftime, the score was 1-0.

The second half was a bit tuned down, mostly since both teams turned to the defense for their own reasons. In the 86th minute however, forward Sabastion Torres, the young gun and the "prodigy" of the East Lithuania soccer club, recieved the ball and rushed forward with lightning speed. He overstepped, he faked out, he was on fire, untill he eventually got a shot and scored, making it 2-0. The team then went defensive from that moment on, keeping the shutout. The end came, with East Lithuania recieving it's first win.

"We played hard." Coach Discolo claimed after the match. "Jibreel helped keep the balls out of the net, our forwards kept preassure on their defense. We played the way we came into this cup wanting to play; hard ,quick, and beautiful. We play like this all the time, we're going to that cup, no doubt."

East Lithuania's next match will be The Aqua Moose, who lost to 2nd place Bazalonia today.

Thomas Boeing sat back in his chair, a small ice pack position strategically between his decrepit hand and forehead. "I see that I'm doing rather well after that first... tragic loss."

A dead body lay on the floor, the rug having soaked up the blood days ago. The stain had long turned to rust from crimson, and Thomas seemed not to mind that he was talking to a dead body. "If only you had given me the proper bet I asked for: I told you that I could deliver three ties in a row, yet you couldn't even trust me for the first match. I am disappointed." He chuckled a bit, repositioned the ice pack, and took a sip of grappa. As he set the crystal tumbler down, a rapacious knocking came to the door. Slowly, Boeing ascended. "I'm coming."

"This is the Lethislavanian Police, sir!"

Walking confidently, Boeing moved slowly towards the door. "Ah. As I said, I am coming." He reached for the brass doorknob, and twisted it slowly. Pulling the door slightly ajar, he smiled at the young officer. Judging by his fair complexion and thick hair, he must have been no older than 25.

"Sir, we have reason to believe that you have been involved in a murder case. May I come in?"

Boeing smiled, showing two immaculate rows of glistening teeth. "Of course, come on in." As the officer came inside, the open wall to the living room closed, giving no indication to the small room on the other side. "I could give you a look around, officer, if that would appease you."

"No, I'll do it on my own. Protocol." While the officer began to wander, Boeing walked out the front door, and sat down on the concrete steps. He pulled out a small, golden phone and called his friend.

"Thomas, I noticed you have some visitors."

"Well, at this point, that would be the least of our worries."

"Your worries. No one can trace me."

"Michael, watch your tone. You're just as involved as I am. I have a dead, underground roller in my living room, and you want to tell me you have no worries? You were the handler, my god."

"I am not a person in the traditional sense, and you'd be wise to remember that. I suggest that you do the following: dispose of the body in the lake, call the cleaners I suggested, and give the officer some cookies. They always seem to like those. I'll call back in 2 hours, and I suspect you shall be finished."

"Of course. I look forward to hearing from you." The phone shuddered as the call ended, and Boeing leaned back slightly. A sigh escaped from his mouth, and he glanced back. The officer was on his way out. "Would you like some cookies?"

OOC: I'm going to go blind if I try to read that.

The Bangkok Scoresheet Newsroom

"Ty? Boring."

"Yup."

"Criteek of bishops?"

"It wuz a hom gam."

"Say wut?

The writer pointed. Zwangzug v. The Archregimancy

"Hom tem 2nd."

"No, 1st."

"We can still criteek bishops."

"Tru."

One rhetorical ramble later:

"Nobodez gonna be abel 2 red this."

"So what? We sum poets?"

"Yeah thairs somthing abowt Alasdare and sonets."

"This is Archregimancy ¬Alasdare."

"Same thing."

"We'll be steling reders from the Regenc."

"That's gud."

"Oh yah. How's this:"

11 oppose bishops to a draw
World Cup n00bs, their baptism no success
Young and inexperienced, rather raw
They quickly learn that sports are more than chess.

"Tha r?"

"Shut up & red."

Three arrogant forwards dive for the ball
Embarrassing their team and their position
Two midfield brothers similarly call
Their own teammates their truest opposition.

Another midfielder's a boring chap
The final's the closest to being holy
A defender is Zwangzug's team's tin cap
Another is more sievey than a goalie.

"I don't get it."

"They're puns."

The last doesn't believe in playing nice
But who's left to make endgame's sacrifice?

"I still don't get it."

"It's a quasi-prophetic pom, it's supposed 2 b cryptic..."

“A good evening to you and yours, wherever you may be, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the lobby of The Great Cathedral at Cathedral Park, where tonight, Assegai Developments picked up another hard-fought, well-deserved victory in the NationStates World Cup XXXIII qualifiers, 3-2, over the Jasī’yūn of Commerce Heights.

“Once again, Assegai struck early, with a goal on a run by forward Sidney Losstarot in the 2nd minute of play, and led the rest of the way. Assegai dominated the midfield throughout most of the game, with the midfield trio of team captain Ashley Riot, Alys Spicer and Duane Grissom filtering passes to the front line.

“While the Jasī’yūn defense was able to withstand most of the attacks, Assegai forward Samantha Neesa managed to elude her defender in the 25th minute and fired long, curving shot from 20 yards out that beat Jasī’yūn keeper Leon Peterdsdorf to far post upper corner. It was truly an incredible goal that had Cathedral Park rocking in celebration.

“The Jasī’yūn got on the board in the 31st minute of play, with a neat throughball from midfielder Brian Gragmann that was redirected by forward Rodolf Bolúfero to하성윤, who juked out Assegai Keeper Akihiko Yoshida and tapped in the goal.

“Both teams hit the dresser with Assegai up 2-1. The second half remained pretty much the same, until the 77th minute, when Ashley Riot faked a pass to Neesa and took the ball himself, spun around Jasī’yūn defender 황현나 and unleashed a laser beam of a shot that deflected off the hands of a flying Petersdorf and into the ceiling of the net, giving Assegai a 3-1 lead.

“The Jasī’yūn scored their second goal in injury time, off a free kick from midfielder Troy Daniels that fooled Yoshida. Moments later, the ref whistled the end of the game and both teams exchanged handshakes and jerseys.”

It is quiet around Mikaela and she turns to her left to face Riot, who is there with a towel over his head.

“So far, so good. What was it like facing the Jasī’yūn tonight?” she asks him.

Riot nods. “The Jasī’yūn are a good, strong team that is working their way up the ranks,” he says. “Hungry teams like them that can beat the best teams in the world on any given day and we approached them with the same measure of respect we’d give Krytenia or Cuation. They came to play hard today, but you know what? We came to win. Much respect to the Jasī’yūn.”

“What is up with this recent trend of scoring early?” she asks. “Do you think you can keep up against No. 1-ranked Krytenia?”

“Well, in the past, we’ve usually waited to feel out other teams, see what they have to offer,” he says. “Are they going to hold back? Or will they build attacks from the midfield? Sometimes, by the time we figured it out, it was already too late, and we’ve been staring up at a one- or two-goal deficit. We figured that if we drew first blood before they could get comfortable, we’d knock them off balance throughout the rest of the match. So far, it’s been working for us.

“With Krytenia, we’re going to come at them full blast and then some. If we can score early, we certainly will. However, a team like Krytenia must be approached with more caution and that might not prove to be the best strategy. But, trust me, if they take us lightly, we will punish them,” he adds.

“Thanks for your comments tonight, Ashley,” she says as he nods at the camera and waves goodbye. She turns to the camera. “Thanks for tuning in tonight. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off from Cathedral Park. See you next week in Krytenia.”

Match Summary

No. 57 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3
No. 67 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights_jsy.png Commerce Heights JSY 2
@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

[AD]
Sidney Losstarot (2’)
Samantha Neesa (25’)
Ashley Riot (77’)

[JSY]
하성윤 (31’)
Troy Daniels (90’+)

Upcoming Match

No. 1 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png Krytenia
vs.
No. 57 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

NAU DRAEVAL WHOL NATHA V'DRE
NO TIME FOR A REST

The Holy Empire (AIF) – 2 – v – 1 - Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0110.jpg
Two proud teams walk onto the pitch

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

On a day that was destined to start badly and go down hill from there, the Fort Europe national side could probably have done a lot worse, but even playing in a different realm the curse of the Bovingtonian Gods still lay over the team and they come away with a second defeat in three games. From the kickoff it was clear Fort Europe were going to have nothing go their way and the fans who were silent for most of the match could feel the effects of the curse hanging over the stadium. It started with an injury to young winger Mia Nevola who pulled up short after breaking clean through on goal in the opening ten minutes. She had to be stretchered off and will likely be kept out of training for a couple of weeks. She was replaced by Andy Fletcher who not fifteen minutes after joining the game was dismissed for an early shower, red carded for a professional foul on Frostican striker Andronicus Curcuaso.

The team from The Holy Empire then went a goal up, the ball fumbled by James West from an in swinging corner landed at the feet of Andronicus Curcuaso, West scrambled after the ball, but Curcuaso took his revenge and found the net with ease. In the second half the course of the game changed. Michelle Bishop's driving run broke into the box, and a sly pass across the face of goal was collected by an unmarked Karl Isaak who took no chances in securing the equaliser. Fate however was inescapable and soon played it's part once again, as Vincente Choniates struck the back of the goal net for a just three minutes later. The referee's whistle could not have come soon enough for either team after that and a disheartened Fort Europe side left the pitch wondering why the Bovingtonian Gods hated them so much.

"For those who don't know..." Alysa Tiana, the team's Publicity manager who was born in the Bovingtonian capital, "the ancient legends of Bovingtonian history tell of a great God who's daughter fell in love with a Fort European, who are of course an atheist people. Suffice to say they were soon married, but the Fort European could not resist temptation and was caught cheating on his new wife, who placed a dagger through her broken heart. Angered by this the Bovingtonian Gods lay on this day, all those centuries ago, a curse upon all Fort Europeans as a reminder of this mans sins."

The response of team manager Stuart Moss unfortunately can not be repeated in print, however he did say after the match that the team will have to put this result behind them and move forwards if they are to qualify for the World Cup finals. Elsewhere riots have broken out in Casari after they gave Turruth Gordur a hiding with the final score a massive seven goals to one in the home side's favour. Demot drew while Schiavonia extended their unbeaten run to take them three points clear at the top of group three.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

4 - James West
6 - Floe Peltsten
5 - Murphy Lee
4 - Shaun Pearson []
5 - Gemma Lloyd
5 - Katherine Keller []
5 - Ryan Holmes (C)
6 - Mia Nevola (Inj. 8)
5 - Vicky Princess
5 - Michelle Bishop
6 - Karl Isaak (62)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
4 - Tim Forrester (On for Lee (79))
5 - Aki Haddon (On for Pearson (45))
3 - Andy Fletcher (On for Nevola (8)) []
- - Josephine Blanchard

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0116.jpg
Fletcher brings down Curcuaso

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0117.jpg
Curcuaso scores from close range

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0118.jpg
Vincente Choniates celebrates after scoring the winning goal


Ol's jal bauth inbaln l'ditronw velvel
It's all about having the right kit

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE – LAST 2 GAMES REVIEW
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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GAME 2:

DIRTY GAME AND CAFUNDÉU LOST

http://img236.imageshack.us/img236/1338/cafnbe1ci4.jpg
Cafundéu scored the first goal, but lost

Cafundéu went to the city of Abadia to play at home the second game in the World Cup qualifiers, against the Fire Ants of Northern Bettia. The monopolists were waiting for a balanced game, but a good game, and were expecting to take advantage of the supporters. But the referee of Milchama wasn’t in his best days and helped Northern Bettia, who used many dirty and illegal tricks to win the game.

Before the game Cafundéu even decided to use a white-black kit to respect the opponent’s tradition. But, in the game, tried to attack to score as soon as possible. The opponent wasn’t a bad team, but started to cheat. The referee didn’t notice and they could win, after two Cafundelense players were sent off. The players and the coach left the game angry and didn’t talk with the media or the press.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game using all its offensive force with Metir, Kliek, Heitor and Ganz Ijak. In the first ten minutes, they had some good chances, two with Heitor, who shot and hit the post in the first. In the second, the goalkeeper saved. But soon Northern Bettia started to cheat. Everytime that Anormal tried to tackle an opponent, the opponent player fell. The referee considered more than twenty fouls made only by the giant, who luckily wasn’t booked.

Bettia had a good chance after an attacker knocked Betão and shot to the goal, but the goalkeeper Julio Vargas saved. In the middle of the first half, Cafundéu could score the first goal of the game. Kliek dribbled an opponent who was trying to take his shorts off and made a perfect pass to Ganz Ijak, who could defeat the goalkeeper easily with a good shot to make the supporters happy. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Here comes Kliek, he dribbles an opponent, look at the pass, look at the pass, Ijak will score! Look at the goal, look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look at the rrrrreplay again! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Northern Bettia zerrrro!”

Cafundéu started to control the game, and Northern Bettia’s dirty game seemed to have no effect in the home team. Noticing this, the coach Iwan Oban asked his players to cheat even more, and things started to get worse. In the fortieth minute, Megumi elbowed Priotto in the chest, and the defensive midfielder had to leave the game with a broken rib. Manuel Padaria entered in his place. The first half ended in a complicated situation, as Cafundéu’s players were very angry.

After the first, the doctors said that Priotto’s injury can be easily recovered and that he’ll miss only two games. In the halftime, the coach Franz Braddock decide to make another change in the team, putting Brahma, a more resistant player, in Kliek’s place. Cafundéu returned to the second half knowing that they would have to hold the opponent’s dirty game and the mistakes of the referee.

Northern Bettia started better the second half, probably because Cafundéu was worried about its players’ situation. But, in the tenth minute, Ganz Ijak was sent off after being fouled. Yes, he was fouled, but the referee thought that Ganz fouled his opponent, and showed him the second yellow card. With one player less and four players with yellow cards, things were difficult for Cafundéu. An interesting fact is that Northern Bettia also had many players with yellow cards, but they were alternating who was going to cheat.

Finally, in the middle of the second half, Northern Bettia scored. Koizumi crossed the ball to the area and Hiyashi headed to score the goal. The home team’s situation became worse when Vargas left the area to get the ball, but the referee marked a foul that he didn’t make. He was sent off. Braddock had to put the reserve goalkeeper Durepox in Vandick’s place. The fans were furious with the quality of the game. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu loses the ball again in the midfield. Koizumi got it, he goes to the wing. Crrrrrosses! Goal, for Norrrrtherrrrrn Bettia! Hiyashibara!”

And the second goal came. Devanallt received the ball from Sakasayou and shot. Durepox couldn’t save. Winning the game, Northern Bettia continued to cheat, and, in the hundreth minute(the referee gave twelve minutes of injury time), a Northern Bettia player was sent off. This was only because all the players were with a yellow card and they couldn’t alternate anymore. But after that, the game ended, and Cafundéu lost.

“Devanallt gets the ball, shoots! Goal, for Norrrrtherrrrn Bettia! How sad, it isn’t fair, it isn’t fair. They arrrre cheaterrrrs. How sad.”

Many media sources tried to interview Cafundéu’s coach or the players, but they, furious about the result, decided to not comment anything. They went immediately to the airport to travel to Dance 2 Revolution, and abandoned their fans in Abadia. The fans tried to invade the field to fight against the Northern Bettia players, but the security worked well and didn’t let them enter.

http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/4522/cafnbe2iv1.jpg
An incredible game with 20 cards, including reds

CAFUNDÉU 1x2 NORTHERN BETTIA

Place: Terreno da Vitória, in Abadia.
Attendance: 80,000 people (full).
Referee: Yaniv Tonin (Milchama).
MOTM: Jon Ozeki (Northern Bettia).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Vargas, Vandick (Durepox 72’) , Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto (Manuel Padaria 40’), Metir (Brahma 45’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_bettia.png NORTHERN BETTIA: Ozeki, Idasenai (Noboshine 80’), Yoiko and Megumi; Kyobu (Sanac 45’), Saotama, Koizumi and Sakasayou; Hiyashibara, Devanallt and Iyopa (Hanahairo 72’).
Coach: Iwan Oban.

Goals:CAF: Ganz Ijak 24’.
NBE: Hiyashibara 67’ , Devanallt 82’.

[Griffis] Emperor Boston, last seen dancing naked on the streets celebrating Bostopia’s three nil win, was wearing nothing but a smile and a crown. If you should see him, please return him to his owner, Empress Christine, at Fort Boston Castle.

And for footballing news, we now cross over to Kayleigh Larfale.

The camera cuts to a clothed and sombre looking Kayleigh Larfale, sports presenter for Channel 9 Griffwitness News’ late broadcast on BTV1, at 10 East Isle, 9 West Isle.

[Larfale] Thanks Greg. Following today’s events following the Casari versus Turruth – Gordor match, where a Casaran football stadium was damaged, and fire-fighters were attacked by supporters of Turruth – Gordor, the Bostopian Football Association has published an open letter to the World Cup Committee, which is as follows.

“Following the events of tonight’s fixture between Casari and Turruth – Gordor, in which a Casaran football stadium was set alight during a riot by away fans, and Casaran fire-fighters were subsequently attacked while trying to put out the blaze by the away fans, the Bostopian Football Association is petitioning the World Cup Committee to take strong action against Turruth – Gordor. While it cannot be said Bostopia never had hooliganism problems, as did most nations, we dealt with these issues strongly, forcing teams to play in empty-stadium matches, imposing fines, and even issuing automatic relegations for teams with the worst offenders.

The Bostopian FA implores the Governing body of world football, or the hosts of World Cup 33 to take strong action, as we fear that in any further riots, fans, players, or other persons, may get seriously hurt or killed.

In regards to this, the Bostopian FA will refuse to play any matches in Turruth – Gordor, and will refuse to accept any fans from Turruth – Gordor into Bostopian stadiums.”

However, whether the Bostopian FA can act this way, or are even acting out of their jurisdiction is yet to be seen. But, nonetheless, it is a strong statement of intent from a Football Association who are not even playing Turruth – Gordor at any foreseeable point in the future. And with that, it’s back to Greg.

[Griffis] Alright, thanks Kayleigh. And that should wrap things up for the late broadcast of Channel 9 Griffwitness News. See you tomorrow, at 1, 6 and 10 Eastern. Of course, you can catch Channel 9 Griffwitness News at any time of the day on C9News24, which is Channel 9 on BostopiaDigital. Take care, and goodnight.

BE CALM TELEVISION: COMMENTS ABOUT THE LAST TWO GAMES
Commentated by Doctor Santiago Sampaio
With comments of Doctor Cecília Zemek
- with in-game comments of Doctor Haroldo Sassarel -

DR. SAMPAIO: “Hello, patients. Today we’ll talk about Estresse Intenso’s games in the second and third rounds of the World Cup qualifiers. Estresse Intenso faced the two best teams of the group, and was able to get a point playing home, against the powerful squad of Starblaydia. We’ll share small comments about these games with my partner, Doctor Cecília Zemek.”

DR. ZEMEK: “Yes. These two games were good for Estresse Intenso, as we played against powerful opponents and got a point. Let’s see if we can continue with the good form.”

DR. SAMPAIO: “Let’s start with the first game, then, against Starblaydia. A superb performance of our players who were able to draw a lost game against them. Two against two was the final result. They scored first with Marrones and Matranga, and we scored with Gabalán twice. What do you have to say?”

DR. ZEMEK: “We surely were great. They scored two goals first and the game was nearly lost, but our team was able to recover with the help of the supporters. It was great. An excellent job made by our players. The coach, Doctor Haroldo Sassarel, commented about the game”:

“Our reaction power was shown today. Gabalán showed ability with the ball and scored twice, so I’m really happy with the result, as we were playing against Starblaydia. So, congratulations for Estresse Intenso and for the supporters, that helped us very much.”

http://img240.imageshack.us/img240/7233/francesoq9.jpg
Good result against Starblaydia

ESTRESSE INTENSO 2x2 STARBLAYDIA

Place: Sector-Delta Sport Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 55,494,320 people (half of Landau Institute’s patients) – using a special room.
Referee: Merlin Plissar (Qazox).
MOTM: Julien Prunella (E.I.).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Manga and Flores; Sardinha (Lacerda 45’), Dumitrache, Dos Alpes and Bogdan; Mendes (Eriksson 45’), Ponte Pênsil (Marinho 45’) and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png STARBLAYDIA: Graikalonii, Rekeseski, Marrones, Cravez and Gonzalez (Navarro Ruiz 45’); dos Santos (Costello 80’), Mahezihim, Alvarez and Volare (Ramirez 40’); Coalville and K.Matranga.
Coach: Jaime Oberlander.

Goals:EIT: Gabalán 50’/78’.
STA: Marrones 2’ , Matranga 26’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DR. SAMPAIO: “Cecília, let’s talk now about the third round game, against Geisenfried, away. The former World Cup hosts played well and we too, and the final result was three against one for them. The goals were scored by Fuchs, Bogdan, then Fuchs again and Metzger. Give your opinions.”

DR. ZEMEK: “They were superior and deserved the victory. But, once again, we proved that we are strong, as we could hold a draw until the twentieth minute of the second half, and this isn’t easy. Another good game. Although we lost, I’m happy with the team. A curious fact is that Geisenfried’s player that scored two goals has the same surname of a Cafundéu player who played World Cup 32. Maybe they’re relatives? Anyway, let’s see the coach’s comments”:

“We had a good game here in Geisenfried, but unfortunately they had too. Anyway, this wasn’t a bad game, but a loss is a bad result and we have to work hard to recover these points.”

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/4154/2999444015see8.jpg
Geinsenfried defeated Estresse Intenso

GEISENFRIED 3x1 ESTRESSE INTENSO

Place: previously told in Geisenfried’s news before the start of the qualifiers.
Attendance: 78,500 people.
Referee: Pierre Martin (Nebuleux).
MOTM: Brennes Fuchs (Geisenfried).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png GEISENFRIED: Kurtz, Hirsch, Adabold, Beike and Reingier; Baermann (Lippe 60’), Fuchs, Genz and Amsel (Petersdorf 77’); Tonsheim (Metzger 45’) and Fleischer.
Coach: Nicolas Hausen.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png ESTRESSE INTENSO: Prunella, Pindaré, Manga, Godói, Marinho (Ponte Pênsil 70’) and Flores; Sardinha (Monteiro 45’), Dumitrache, Dos Alpes and Bogdan; Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.

Goals:GEI: Fuchs 21’/61’ , Metzger 81’.
EIT: Bogdan 38’.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIT – next game’s formation: Prunella, Bergue, Manga and Marinho; Sardinha, Dos Alpes, Bogdan and Araújo; Mendes, Ponte Pênsil and Gabalán.
Coach: Doctor Haroldo Sassarel.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Tulip Vazzos (The Lowland Clans).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 3 games:

5- C. Gabalán
1- V. Dos Alpes and Bogdan

"Leaving the field walking" could probably be considered the brightest spot of the afternoon for the Turruth Gordur players that day.

The attempt to retire to their locker room was prevented by the very well dressed and somewhat out-of-place (for a stadium locker room, anyway) Tyrellian Police Riot Team Eight, who, following the due process of law, served a warrant on all involved in such a considerably marginal display of soccer ability and hooliganism, beginning with their coach. Among much complaints and gnashing of teeth, the team was loaded into vehicles and driven away.

For the hooligan fans in the stands, justice was served with a much more frontier attitude. For Police who had been dealing with riots on the scale of thousands twice a year during the city derby, however, there was a certain level of professionalism as fans were dispatched with clubbings and removed from the premises under arrest.

Of course, there were few places to hold such massive numbers of hooligans. Some were taken to local jails until it was decided to hold criminals at the Fort Lawrence Army Base thirty miles out of town, which had a considerable fenced in area. Not necessarily enough to hold thousands of people, but they could get crammed in tightly enough and managed to spend the night under the watchful eye of the 17th Colonial Rifle Regiment.

The District courts were busy the next day. Public defenders and prosecutors were taking shifts in court as the offenders were dragged off and tried by seat number, most of the testimony for the prosecution being done by a single security guard named Lewis Griffith and security camera footage of the away end of the stadium. The defendant was allowed to make a statement, before invariably being found guilty, Trials lasted about 15 minutes, and the crimes pretty much the same across the board. Carrying a concealed weapon, eighteen months, construction of an explosive device, nine months, attacking an emergency responder in the process of giving aid, forty-two months, first degree assault, sixty months, attempted arson, sixty months. Offering half-time for a guilty plea managed to speed the process up even faster, but a number of convicts decided to be stubborn and get themselves sentenced for the full fifteen years and nine months and a deportation at the end of their sentence. Not to mention each fan's share of the seat replacement, emergency response, and medical costs, to be taken from the sale of any personal effects in the country.

The trial for the team was a bit less. A number of assault charges and hefty fines, combined with deportation. The coach also had a considerable felony charge of inciting a riot to deal with, and was charged with thirty-six months in prison combined with a number of accessory charges, but those got tied up in courts. You know how they are.

A week later, repairs in the stadium started. Despite some erroneous thoughts that steel, concrete, marble, and granite was flammable, the repair crews had an easy time, unbolting some melted seats and putting in replacements, sweeping up small amounts of debris, and generally getting paid for some very easy work.

So, that was the "Great WC33 Riot." Some melted seats, a bit of money and cheap shopping, and some overcrowded prisons. Reg Loriyu summed it up best:

"They proved they had some pretty poor judgment and decided to throw a riot. I'd demand that they forfeit the match, but to be frank, they were so godawful at soccer that we might as well let the result stand."

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 33 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE – LAST 2 GAMES REVIEW
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GAME 3:

TEAM RECOVERS AND WIN IMPORTANT POINTS

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/6716/cafd2r1cx8.jpg
Game was boring with many mistakes made by the defenses

After losing the game against Northern Bettia, the monopolists travelled to Dance 2 Revolution to play against their National Team. It was a good game, but not very exciting, and Cafundéu could left the game with a good three-two win, in a game were the defenses didn’t play very well. With this victory, Cafundéu can continues in its road to the World Cup, still with good chances to qualify.

Cafundéu’s team was very different from the main one, due to the sent offs and injuries that happened during the game against Northern Bettia. But the substitutes made a great job and could help the team to win. Next game will be against Zwangzug at home, and Cafundéu expects to win. An interesting fact is that it was in a game against Zwangzug that the goalkeeper Xavier Xu got injured. The player is famous in Cafundéu as the goalkeeper of Dunboor FC, state champions that will play the State Champions Cup Final against Petardos S/A next week.

The coach returned to talk with the press, although only during a small time.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game cautious, trying to find breaches in Dance 2 Revolution’s defense. The first ten minutes of the game were very boring, as none of both teams really tried to attack with strength. After the tenth minute, both teams started to try to take the control of the game at all costs. The first good chance was for the home team, but the attacker shot and sent the ball over the bar.

Cafundéu started to use the offensive style of its midfielders, and scored the first goal before the twentieth minute. Falcus dribbled a player and passed the ball to Metir, who invaded the area and passed the ball to Renário, who just hit the ball to score the goal. After the goal, Cafundéu had another chance, when Metir passed the ball to Kliek. Unfortunately, the midfielder sent the ball wide. Listen to the goal comment of Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu is attacking with full force. Now the ball is with Falcus, he drrrrribbles a player, Metir gets it, invades the area, passes it... and it’s a goal. Look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu. Guess who? It’s him, Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrenário, our striker! Cafundéu one, Dance Two Revolution zero!”

Cafundéu continued with the strong attacks, missing some good chances. Two with Anormal, who tried to use all his strength shooting from outside the area. Dance 2 Revolution only had few chances after mistakes of Cafundéu’s defense. Soon the second goal was scored. Anormal knocked two players and passed the ball to Heitor, who shot as soon as he received the ball to score his goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Our team is much better in the game, with good attacks, while our opponent isn’t playing verrrrry well. Herrrrre comes Anorrrrrmal, he drrrrribbles one, two, passes the ball to Heitor who shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu two, Dance Two Revolution zero!”

After the second goal, Cafundéu seemed in a very comfortable situation, just waiting for the time to pass, with the control of the game. Sometimes the team attacked well, but didn’t have any other good change. Dance 2 Revolution tried to score from the counterattacks, and many times they were stopped by Cafundéu’s defense. But they scored in the end of the first half. The right-back received the ball in the air from a midfielder and headed to score. Read Breno Gavião:

“We arrrre contrrrrrolling the game and.... they scorrrred! Goal for Dance Two Rrrrrevolution! We werrrrre contrrrrrolling the game....”

For the second half, the coach of Cafundéu Franz Braddock decided to put the offensive midfielder Kimball in Falcus’s place. But things remained the same. The second half started and once again Cafundéu had the control, while Dance 2 Revolution tried to surprise in the counterattacks. They tried. In the second minute, an attacker was nearly to score, but his shot was saved by Durepox.

The second half was even more boring than the first one, as the goals only happened because of mistakes made by the defenders. In the first twenty minutes, both teams fought for the ball in the midfield, and few times they reached the opponent’s area to try to score. Long ranged shots were common, but they were all unsucessful. Anormal had some good chances, but he wasn’t in a good day.

The missed chances and defensives mistakes continued until the third goal of Cafundéu was scored. Heren Ijak, who entered in Renário’s place, received the ball from Ray Kirs and passed it to Heitor. The attacker shot, the defenders didn’t block the ball and it went easily to the goal. Even Heitor was surprised to score such an easy goal. The players commemorated. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Zzzzzzz... oh, sorrrrrrrrry. Who’s with the ball? Ah, him. Let’s go, then. Herrrrren is with the ball, he passes to Heitor who shoots, they’ll block it. No, they didn’t! Look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! Heitor again, for Cafundéu! The number eleven leaves his mark in the game! Cafundéu three, Dance Two Revolution one.”

The game was reaching its end, and Cafundéu was easily controlling the ball in the midfield waiting for the end of the game. The coach put Brahma in Cafézinho’s place, and asked the team to defend. They defended, and were able to stop many opponents attacks, but couldn’t do it in the eighty-eighth minute.

In their best play in the whole game, Dance 2 Revolution scored. A winger received the ball in the defense and ran to the attack, passing the ball to an attacker, who retrieved the pass. Then, the winger shot to score the last goal of the game. After that, the game ended.

The only player who commented about the game was Heitor, who said: “We played well today and did the necessary to leave the game with the three points. I’m satisfied with my performance and I’m sure that the supporters are too.” The coach Franz Braddock said: “These three points will be very important for our team, you’ll see.” Some reporters tried to talk more with him, but he refused.

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/6899/cafd2e2gn6.jpg
In the end, Cafundéu defeated Dance 2 Revolution

DANCE 2 REVOLUTION 2x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown stadium, in Dance 2 Revoltution.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Ian Hall (Elves Security Forces).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/dance_2_revolution.png DANCE 2 REVOLUTION: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Cafézinho (Brahma 85’), Kirs, Becão and Wantuirso; Anormal, Falcus (Kimball 45’), Metir and Kliek; Heitor and Renário (Heren Ijak 62’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals: D2R: A right-back 42’ , A winger 88’.
CAF: Renário 19’ , Heitor 34’/73’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – team formation for game against Zwangzug: Vargas, Vandick, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Falcus, Metir and Kliek; Heitor and Ganz Ijak.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Diego Parker (Oliverry).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 3 games:

2- G. Ijak, Heitor and Renário
1- Anormal

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So, Fr. John, what's with this Schorteskatascansolani controversy? Why is the MFA denouncing heretics in another country? I thought this was a 'kinder, gentler' Monastic Football Association that was going to reach out with loving understanding unto ye heathen nations."

"And so it is, Fr. Nicholas, but Schorteskatascansolani need to learn that there's only room for one master of what Errinundera have rather flatteringly referred to as 'religious pomposity and pedantry' in the World Cup - and it ain't them. Besides, a little bit of heretic denouncing for the greater good rather stirs the blood with nostalgia for those fire-breathing denunciations of the past. A bit like the good old days...."

"Even if it means defending atheists, Fr. John?"

"We're not defending atheists, Fr. Nicholas - we're merely defending atheists from predestinarian Calvinists. Surely you can appreciate the distinction?"

"Indeed I can, Fr. John. That whole doctrine of 'unconditional election' gives me the heebee-jeebees. Anyway, what about football? Aren't we here to talk about football?"

"Football and theology. When the mood so takes us."

"Who were we playing? Some country called Zugzwang?"

"Erm, no, Fr. Nicholas - that would be Zwangzug. And alas, it pains me to say that we didn't do particularly well after taking an early lead through Fr. Silouan. It was almost as if we were compelled to make mistakes - by the end of the game, every move we made was a bad one - and somehow we went from what seemed to be a winning position to a draw. A dreadfully sloppy performance, and 1-1 against one of the more unheralded teams in the group..."

"Ah yes, the mandatory soul-strengthening suffering...."

"But I wouldn't worry too much, Fr. Nicholas. Three games in, we're undefeateed, we've only conceded two goals, and we're second on the table behind only Ariddia. So a little bit of suffering will probably do us some good at this early stage...."

CBC International News

Coricas, Cookesland-Hello and welcome to CBC World News, I'm Milchama Banks bringing you today's top stories.
Well, it seems the Owls have been playing magnificently of late with their recent 2-0 victory over Baronstein. Fans around the country are exstatic. Cookesland is now in 2rd place in the third group.

Im here in the studio with Blues Owls Assistant Coach, George Steinburner.

M: "Hello,George and welcome."

G: "Thank You Milchama it great to be here."

M: "So, how are the players reacting to these recent wins?"

G: "Well, they're really feeling confident but, i don't think its going to their heads."

M: "Good to hear that."

G: "We are only three days into the World Cup so we still have a long way to go."

"Well we'll be back tommorrow when Cookesland faces an away game against Hockey Canada, I'm Milchama Banks Good night.

Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home -Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away -Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home -Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

Random Toast FC Results so far from group 4:

Random Toast.............. 3 Krytenia..........1
Assegai Developments... 3 Random Toast...1
Random Toast...............1 Cuation...........0

Goalscorers:
2 Cheesy Cheese
1 Cheese Junior
1 Chegwin Potato
1 Jesus Crisp

Liz Kitten reports for Toast TV from World Cup 33:

Liz Kitten: Hi, this is Liz Kitten reporting from the Qu-ak World Cup 33. Our very own Random Toast team have sent shock waves through the whole country here, with an astonishing opening victory over much fancied Krytenia! The next match was a keenly fought battle against rivals Assegai Developments, who very impressively came away with a 3 -1 victory. In Toasts third match, they got back to winning ways by beating Cuation by a single goal. This victory has kept Toast very much in contention for the qualifying places and left the squad in a buoyant mood before their next match against Qazok. I have with me now midfield maestro and goal scorer against Cuation, Jesus Crisp. So Jesus, a good start to the tournament."

Jesus Crisp: Yes, we are very pleased with the start we've made, we have surprised a few people, but there is a long way to go so we are not counting our horses before the straw has left the camels back.

Liz: Good. And we have heard reports of a party after the A.D. game? Is that true?

Jesus: Well yes, obviously, we know the A.D. lads and we all went down the pub after the game. I have to say it was a good night, everyone seemed to be there and Chegwin Potato was great on the Karaoke. I'm surprised at the high level of performance in todays match against Cuation, as a lot of the lads were completely wasted the night before."

Liz: Cool, Well, Jesus I hope you have a good game against Qazok and good luck for the rest of the tournament. And now back to the studio for the Annual Dolphin Throwing Championships.

Ooc: If anyone wants to integrate RP’s with me, namely, talk about the same stuff, I’d be happy to co-operate, whether this is interviewing a Bostopian player or whatever, just get in touch.

[Narrator] And now, broadcasting live from the Channel 9 Studios in Downtown Fort Boston…THIS is C9News24!

[Parriff] I’m Jamie Parriff, welcome to 24 + Midnight. Myself, our weather presenter Mark Janning, sports reporter Kelly Firth and our roving reporter on the ground, Claire Affael will be with you right the way through to 6AM Eastern, when we hand over to our morning crew.

Our top story tonight: Large-scale rioting has broken out in Sygon City, capital of West Outer Bostopia, and Vladmiristaki Outer Sygon. The rioting appears to have started following Vladmiristak’s imposing of its Socialist practices on the nation, and quickly spread to the Bostopian side of the Sygon River. Rioters there were joined by Ian, former Leader of Outer Sygon, in calling for Bostopia to step in on the issue. We can go live to the scene now with Claire Affael, Claire.

[Affael] Thanks Jamie. I managed to speak with Ian, former Leader of Outer Sygon, and this is what he had to say.

[Ian] This is despicable! Not only did I have to swim across the Sygon River, leaving my beloved Palace behind - and it’s lesser spotted antilopes - to escape the Socialist horde known as Vladmiristak, now Boston says he won’t step in and stop Vladmiristak! It’s a disgrace! It’s a good thing I’m on this side of the border where Vlad can’t touch me, ‘cause if I was on the other side, I’d give him a piece of my mind!

[Affael] Although I am now getting word through from Emperor Boston that if Vladmiristak can find any war crimes committed by Outer Sygonian troops, or any incitements to illegal uses of force, Ian will be able to be prosecuted under an international court. Perhaps Ian’s threat of war on Bostopia after her invasion of Hailstonia will be taken into consideration. Claire Affael, Channel 9 Griffwitness News, in Outer Bostopia.

[Parriff] Thanks Claire. And now, get prepared for viewing figures world-wide to go up, I can hand over to sports reporter Kelly Firth, for a report on tomorrow’s game in New Propagandia, Kelly, over to you.

The TV cuts to a shot of Kelly, again naked, for the 27th day in a row (ooc: on the match every week basis). This time, she’s stood on the balcony of the 5th floor of Fort Boston Castle, with her back facing the Bostopia Stadium – which is south-east of Fort Boston Castle for anyone interested.

[Firth] Thanks Jamie. Here I am on the balcony of the 5th floor of Fort Boston Castle, otherwise known as the Royal Residence of Bostopia. I was originally here returning Emperor Boston two weeks ago, who I’d found passed out in Fort Boston Castle Plaza. Empress Christine was most pleased and said “Thanks for bringing him back soooo out of it, I’ll be going handbag shopping tomorrow, like I totally owe you one!”. And I thought, well, this may be my only chance, so I asked Christine if I could broadcast here before the next game, announcing the squad and anything else, and she was only too happy to oblige.

Anyway, back to the football. Dave Kripp is back from injury, so it’s back to the usual lineup and formation for Bostopia.

An on-screen graphic flashed up.

GK: Dave KRIPP (Fort Boston FC)

DR: Craig HART (Irringvale Borough) DC: Gary YOUNG (Osling United) DC: Manfred HARRICK (Fenton FC) DL: Neill FREAT (Bassingdale City)

MR: Dan REPPON (Fort Boston FC) MC: Steven SERRING (Fort Boston FC) MC: Andy PERRAR (Rolida FC) ML: Rob KRIPP (Port Flamerty FC)

SC: Jamie TRENT (Fenton FC) Ian KRAFT (Glenrock Athletic)

Subs: GK: Greg HEARN (Henrikstad FC) DC: Matt LAWFOLD (Prussingberg FC) DLRC: Nigel PEART (Riikenberg FC) MLRC: Gary MAFF SC: Brandon DINGAER (Monham United)

[Firth] And now, onto more serious issues…

Emperor Boston happens to walk across the camera, appearing rather naked.

[Firth] Urr…anyway…more serious issues now regarding the theft of Bostopian equipment following last week’s game. The Fort Boston Police Force had been investigating the issue, but have yet to have come up with any leads, and as such, the Bostopian Central Police Force are taking a more active role in the issue. They were involved from the start due to the issue affecting the national team, but now, at the request of the FBPF, they’re the leading force in the investigation. This is Kelly Firth, reporting for Channel 9 Griffwitness News, back to Jamie in the studio.

[Parriff] Hold on Kelly. What’s it like being nude in Fort Boston Castle?

[Firth] Well, when I was growing up in Fenton, I could never have imagined being nude here, I know the Emperor and I are about the same age, and he’s had the same tendencies, but at the end of the day I’m still a subject of Bostopia, and it’s an absolutely fabulous thing to happen to me.

[Parriff] What was your favourite experience from the day?

[Firth] Probably touring the gardens at the rear, they feel so cut-off from what you usually see. Emperor Boston was out there playing with his model CSBS Geesemonkey on the swimming pool so that was something I didn’t expect to see. The Empress says it happens all the time, except when he went into mourning following it being hit by his model VS Tresigrad, resulting in a small nuclear explosion and the loss of both ships.

[Parriff] Alright Kelly, keep it natural for us out there on the sports front. We’ll be back after the news and weather where you are.

[OOC - International Celery Day? See the banner on the upper right hand side of the stadium in Fort Europe's first picture from the match. And let me be the latest to express admiration for Fort Europe's pictures {even if he did leave the black trim off our shorts - picky, picky}]


HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIAL SQUAD CELEBRATES INTERNATIONAL CELERY DAY WITH A WIN
Opposition Declared 'Soft and Lazy' by Fringe Loon

By Anna Comneno

With the crowd waving banners to celebrate the nutritional and health benefits of a celery based diet, the Holy Empire shook off the impact of their 4-0 loss to Schiavonia by celebrating International Celery Day with a 2-1 home win over rapidly rising newcomers Fort Europe.

Following the recent minor controversy over a Fort Europe media figure's criticism of the Holy Empire's rather fetching kit, Imperial fans gave a roar of approval to see so many of the visiting fans wearing Imperial colours in support of one of the two oldest kits in the World Cup. This rather sporting gesture on the part of the away fans did nothing to help their team, who were apparently distracted by some sort of curse. Imperial Senator, prominent television personality and notorious fringe loon Theodore Phocaso later stated that this proved the visitors were 'soft and lazy'. "Back in my day we wouldn't have allowed some namby-pamby curse to get in our way" said the increasingly tiresome Provincial Council member. "We would have hunted down the gods responsible, skinned then alive, and then used their guts for fish bait. And we wouldn't have allowed some sort of minor detail like omniscient omnipotence stop us, let me tell you." Fortunately, Senator Phocaso quietly shuffled back into his nursing home once he realised no one was listening.

The match itself was a relatively lively affair, though not necessarily for its football, with Fort Europe's Fletcher being sent off for a cynical tackle on Curcuaso only minutes after being brought on to replace the injured Nevola. Goals from Curcuaso (of course) and Choniates (slightly more surprisingly) bookended a fine team goal from the visitor's Isaak. The home fans celebrated by throwing bunches of celery in the air to celebrate the win on one of the Holy Empire's favourite food festival celebrations.

Anna's World Cup Diary
Nothing to do with the team's kit this week, and I can't bring myself to comment on that increasingly silly dispute involving Schorteskatascansolani and Atheistic Right. No. Today is all about celery. Celery, celery, celery. Where would we be without celery? I even love to type the word celery. Here you go, I'll type it again: celery. I can even type 'celery' in celery green! Look! Celery. No, that's not lime green. That's celery green. Honest it is. My favourite drink is freshly squeezed celery juice (particularly when I have a urinary tract infection), preferably stirred with a freshly plucked stalk of celery. Mmm, that's good. I then eat the celery stalk afterwards. Oh yes I do. Celery - Apium graveolens dulce - why, it's practically the only thing I eat these days. On the other hand, I can't stand celeriac - yuck. So let's join the home supporters from last night in celebrating International Celery Day. Hurrah! Go on... you know you want to....

"Hey have you heard of Cookesland?"

"No why?"

"Because they have a commentator named Milchama Banks"

"Now how did he/she get the name?"

"That is a good question"

"We should do research"

"Sounds good, now where is Cookesland, let's check!"

"They're a new nation in The South Pacific"

"Uck, I don't want to go there"

"Do you want to figure out who Milchama Banks is?"

"Yes, of course but-"

"Well then come on"

"But-"

"Shut up pansy!"

"Fine we'll go"

Meanwhile...

Coach Hill was pissed

"Ya'll suck you tied with Tynelia"

"Sorry coach"

"STOP IT NO EXCUSES WORK HARDER"

"For now the whippings will continue, man I love Milchama legal whippings, good drink, and nice proper discipline for once. Great Country"

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Mergle 21, Hansen 42)
Tynelia 2 (Masterson 1, 88)

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Marchakov 34, 55, Lonnen 43)
Croisland 1 (Thompson's Gazelle 22)

Elven Times
Drop the Bomb

Another match, another odd twist in this latest campaign for the Marauders as they hosted the squad from Jeruselem. The supporters had prepared and hung up many "crusading" banners in the stadium, trying to intimidate and poke fun at the oppisition. It was effective for the most of the match, until the mass hysteria that occured in the dying moments of injury time. More on that unexcusable event later in the article.

The Marauders were able to dictate the pace of the game, with Stone and Constant dominating the midfield along side Cuellar, who was putting in many good passes to the attacking trio. Unfortunately the three headed monster couldn't strike through the heart of the Jeruselem defence and keeper, with both teams heading to the dressing rooms with a nil nil scoreline. Zacharius was still suffering some ill effects from being clipped in the previous match with Kelssek, and Revtron decided to put in Kiso at the half, letting the veteran captain get some due rest.

The prodige lived up to his bloodline and his hype netting in a highlight reel goal minutes into the second half, sending the capcity crowd into a frenzy. Jeruselem would strike back at the sixty-first minute when Abrams Tunk found a hole in the backline, and was able to put one past St. Louis. While dissapointed that the squad had let one in, the crowd continued to pummel the Jeruselem squad with taunts and insults while singing the rraises of the Marauders, confident that they would still manage a draw with the top seed.

It did seem as if their would be nothing between the two sides as the seconds counted down to the end of the match, Jeruselem throwing one last run at goal and had managed to get a throw in deep in the navy territory. It seemed innocent enough when Dosha sent in to the Tunk, however when another ball was thrown onto the pitch from the side, the Marauders got very confused. This confusion allowed Tunk to get a great shot in, that St. Louis had caught, but was in his netting, givng the Jeruselem squad the victory with the final whistle coming but three seconds after the goal.

Pressure is being put on Revtron to win this next game by the Elven Sports Commitee, or else he will be handed his walking papers. Thankfully the squad will be traveling to Marceu State, and should have the edge on the weaker side. Yet, they need to err on the side of caution as overconfidence could be their undoing, espically given the unexpected turn of things thus far into the tounament.

Article by Luna Santapa

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Don't Ask...

@#$^@#$@#%&@! @#$!@#$ Harlesburg....! @#$!#%!%!(& Fort Europe! !$%!@$^#!$% GALAXY! They're ranked !@#%!@#$% 8th in the world, and they are @!#%@$%! second last in the group, they got killed by teams that shouldn't even be challenging us! Where's Casey DEllet? That man shouldnt have rtired, #$T%!#^% idit. we shuld hav MADEE hm stay! ASGerhsag! Whay? OH !$#^#$^, there goes my keyboard. I knw tha was toooooooo mch alcoool. Well, what do you want me to do you @#%$@!%#%&JN%&U&%YH @#$^@#%^ of a !@$^#^%$&? I say we go to WARR! Wemcant WIN because they r CHETTING! YOU HERE ME? CHETTING! F$^$%&#^$& CHETTERS! HANG UM RUM DARAFTARS! Q#@%#$^@%Y! Is that even a world? Look at that goral! So prutty! SHES A BETTER FOOTIE THAT PUCK MENGUYS!

THIS IS ()@#*&@$!% rdcls. U knew that this was going to hppe, No Way Succcess come too much. LEEM whype this STUFF OFF my screen, pieces of some FORT EUROPE play I had for radio. NO SEMSE! WHYS? WE GOOD $#^@#%^&@%^ TEAMS! BEtTer hs head than mine. So wht we do? WE go and winner the rest of the squadra! you shear that MENUGYS!!! !#$^(%@^#& WIN! You'd ber or I find you and give you new mind! NEED NEW BOTTLE...@^@%&@$&!

ERROR: SwearBreaker 2.5 has detected that your document has broken the acceptable level of curses for this online blog as allowed by your editor. You will be allowed to post this blog, but no more curse words will be allowed.

Well...!

World Cup Qualifying – MD3

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png Wentland : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
1:0 (0:0)


Match Report:

Wentland – After their first home World Cup Qualifying game, Wentland defeated Acapais with one set piece goal 1-0 on Tuesday. The defeat left Acapais tied for 6th place in group 6 and Wentland is winning the group thus far with 9 points from three games.

The match started slowly as the competing nations took about twenty minutes to get a feel for one another. The first half was a story about failing to get shots on target. Two shots from both teams hit the post and many other chances were wasted by blasting the ball 20 yards or more wide of the target.

The second half started with a very quick pace and after a hard challenge, worthy of caution, by Nandy, led to a free kick that provided the only goal of the match. Wentland had three shots on target to Acapais’s two and only 8 total shots a piece.

Scoring:
Wentland – Newton (unassisted) 47

Booking:
Acapais – Nandy (caution; Reckless foul) 46
Wentland – Jarvis (caution; Reckless foul) 77
Wentland – Wright (caution; Reckless foul) 81

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar (15 - Graham Atwater) 71
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 62
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar (12 - Samuel Haun) 79
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 - Ricardo Jose

Wentland Starting Lineup:
1 - Tim "Crash" Robinson (GK)
2 - David "Davo" Eager
3 - Ray "Jaws" Jarvis
4 - Blake "The Butcher" Wright
5 - Tommy "Gun" Burnside (14 - Dom "Mauler" Katz) 65
6 - Dave "Savo" Savage
7 - Graham "The Animal" Clay
8 - Billy "Nipper" Lawrence
9 - "Lethal" Lennie Newton
10 - Joe "Legend" Weston
11 - Cosmo "Magic" Kent



-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads:
Acapais Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais Pre-WC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12295281&postcount=12)
Acapais WCQ Draw Newspaper Article (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12310191&postcount=24)
Acapais Starblaydia Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12322892&postcount=84)
Acapais MD1 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12321952&postcount=70)
Acapais MD2 Report (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12325406&postcount=116)
Acapais MD3 Report

QSPNFootball.Net Match Report:

VILITA-3 QAZOX-3

A good sign that a team has the potential to make the World Cup is they don't lose to the teams they are supposed to, and they beat the teams they are supposed to. Well so far, the Black Oxen have done that and are 1-2-0 a third of they through the 1st half of qualifing. Granted we still haven't seen the #1 team in the world, Krytenia yet, but to be undefeated through 3 matches, with this schedule is something to be proud of.

Well as for the match, it was rather boring as each side couldn't sustain a lead and it ended in a 3-3 draw. Vilita scored first when a forward lifted a nice shot over the head of Greg Wolfen, who has looked very sub-par so far, in the 29th minute to give the home side an early 1-0 lead. But young Jonathon Sarafin, answered in the 38th minute to tie it up at 1-1. Kyle Horton added a goal just into injury time in the end of the 1st half, and Qazox lead 2-1.

But the home side was not going to lose at home, and in the 56th minute, the same forward who scored the 1st goal, scored again to re-tie the match now at 2-2. Regina Reginald broke through the solid defence in the 72nd to but the Black Oxen up 3-2, but the Vilitan center answered just 6 minutes later to finish off the scoring. A good clean game as well as there was just 5 fouls called, and one yellow given for an apparent intentional handball.

Up next for Qazox is a trip back home for Random Toast., who has knocked off both Cuation and Krytenia so far. Little is known about the team, but if they can beat the #1 team in the world, then they probably are a decent squad. But Qazox is very tough at home and will win a possible match of the Year 2-1.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Sarafin (3)- 38', Horton (2)- 45+', Reginald (1)- 72'
Vilita: Forward 29', 56', Center: 78'
CARDS: Vilita: Sweeper- 13'
Qazox: None

HARASSMENT OF ATHEISTIC RIGHT WORKS ON THE PITCH; BACKLASH FROM INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY

An exhausted Atheistic Right squad took the pitch in the Byoskopija-Grostadion and lost 2-0, with the strong midfield grinding them down piece by piece. The goals were scored by Alexander and Giddins.

Due to the strong reaction from the international community on the proposed treatment of the Atheistic Right team, the visitors were only subjected to a recording of Chaplain John Burton praying in the stadium's dressing rooms. Contrary to what had been formerly assumed, the Atheistic Right team was lodged in a local motel. (Said the government: We wanted to cut costs; therefore they did not receive a five star motel. Also, the prison worker's union was going on strike because there are only enough prisoners for 2% of the cells, leading to layoffs. Therefore it was impossible to lodge the team in the National Penitentiary.) However, this is not to say that the godless heathen were not harassed. The radios in each room had been unfortunately stuck in the on position with the volume controls stuck at the highest possible volume and the tuner stuck at the classical station. Therefore it was impossible for some of their players to get enough sleep, which showed on the pitch. (In addition, public nudity laws were temporarily changed to require all foreigners who are deemed improprietous in public property to wear a tuxedo for twenty-four hours. Jacob Hunt therefore had to wear a tuxedo onto the pitch because he was deemed improprietous after his second minute off the plane, which is when the police officers first saw him.)

Despite the success of this strategy, the Schorteskatascansolanian government is not planning on repeating it, mainly upon pressure from team captain Jalen Giddins. "It was a mean trick," he summarized to the press, while in the meantime on the other side of the room the defender Torpey was expostulating to the media how the godless heathen should have been harassed some more.

"We will find another way to lose with honour," the Council of Ancients decided.

"They did WHAT?!" exclaimed Leon Green

"Yep they Jacob wear a Tuxedo, the team brought ear protection but still could not get to sleep. That radio was loud."

"What about power, couldn't get the power off?"

"Nope, we couldn't break the radios they were too resilliant. We could not turn it off, we could unplug it, we couldn't turn it off at the switch. We could not even take the fuses out. They just replaced them and set a guard outside the fuse box."

"I don't suppose they managed to get back at the hosts anytime?" nope.

"Well. I've already got plans drawn up for those wacko's when they come here, no wonder we didn't get any goals. Jacob would have been so uncomfortable in that and the entire team was lacklustre."

"You know it does say something about our team?"

"What ever after all the torture that Schorteskatascansolani idjiots put us through we stoped them from getting more than 2 goals. Even in the state we where in. So that really is a wonderful PR coup."

"PR Coup, Religious nation engaged in underhanded methods of winning a game. It's just as juicey tabloid story as 'My baby's an Alien'. But this happens to be true."

"Go for it, you have my permission to do an international tabloid blitz . In every nation in the world cup, we want to make these guys the international laughing stock that they are."

"So the team is back now and from what I know Jason is going to counselling. Apparently being in a Tuxedo for so long made him crack up or something. And apparently some of the others in the team are parroting some of the stuff they heard. I've got them listening to Neithze for the next 3 days. That should sort them out."

"Okay, good. Next time we meet it will be an Atheist win."

And with that the telephone call ended

The team was very concerned after their match with The Aqua Moose, the team from the Baptism of Fire started the scoring and was at the end within 1 point of the Bazalopes at the end. Which should just not happen, just like second violins getting a lovely tune.

....

World Cup Shocker. BoF Team Challenge the Bazalopes!

The national enquirer has recently uncovered fractures in the Bazalonain Federation of Soccer Associations with the recent struggles against Rorysville and The Aqua Moose. From sources close to both Andrew Coulter and the Ex-President of the BFSA and current President of the World Cup Committee. James Gaines has apparently told Andrew Coulter to "Shape up or ship out".

The source then goes on to describe exactly what James Gaines thinks of his successor to the BFSA presidency. "Andrew is hopeless under his leadership the BFSA has gone from one of the greatly improving nations in the World to one of those most laughed at, even with that proposterous Schorteskatascansolani - Atheistic Right incident.

Both James Gaines and Andrew Coulter declined to comment to the National Enquirer and so tensions must still be running high between the two sporting leaders, more information as we get it.


Terrible Torture!

In what can only be called torture the government of Schorteskatascansolani submited the Atheisitic Right Darwinists to harrowing experience involving noise blaring 24-hours a day, being confined to prison cells and a number of other shocking abuses of human rights. This so called "Christian" nation has given the rest of us that actually do live in Christian nations like Bazalonia a black eye.

According to an anonymous source in the Department of Foreign Affairs and trade the Bazalonian government is reportedly considering a number of sanctions included refusal to allow visa's as well as a full trade embargo forbidding top quality Bazalonian goods such as the top quality Verona automobiles manufactured right here in Bazalonia. Whatever the response the Schorteskatascansolani's will think twice before they inhumanely torture the recently reformed Atheistic Rightists.
---

"Does anyone actually believe this clap trap?" said Andrew Coulter as he read the articles in the national enquirer.

"You'd be surprised how many people get it." stated the secretary. As she was having a break herself drinking a can of BazaCola.

"Does James really think that?" Andrew asked

"No, way. You know these Tabloids. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

"But what about truth in the media legislation?"

"They get around it by claiming it's a work of fiction. Which it by far is."

"Better talk with James and get this sorted out."

The next day Andrew Coulter and James Gaines had a joint press conference in which they denounced all claims in the national enquirer. DFAT also denounced the claim that they would not issue Schorteskatascansolanis with Visas.

News items from the Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery) Evening Gazette:

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/EveningGazetteMasthead.jpg

ERRINUNDERA RE-INTRODUCES INCOME TAX

In a surprise announcement, the Parliament in First Creek Falls has imposed income taxes on Errinundrians after an absence four years. Protector of Public Movements, arpenci, argued that the tax was needed to fund the nation’s moribund rail network, especially its vast monorail system. “Frankly, the whole system was so run-down it was thoroughly constipated. It could have been worse. We might have been forced to privatise it.”

Re-action to the tax has been swift. Although the Monorail Users Group (M.U.G.) is ecstatic, anti-government feeling has swept through the nation. Protesters have dynamited monorail pylons between Goolengook and Bola Mine leading to mass workplace absenteeism along with a delay in gold shipments from the mine. The transnational rail has also been cut south of Fanny Moo.

In response to the protests, the Protector of Historical Artefacts, nigle, has cancelled leave for all firefighters in the vicinity of Parliament House. In an emergency session the parliament has promised to cut social welfare in an attempt to reduce pressure on the budget. “Look, the tax was only 3% but, obviously, people have come to really appreciate the abolition of income tax. But, you have to realise, if you want a decent public transport system it has to be paid for. I’ve ordered big cuts to welfare. Don’t blame me if suicide rates go up.”

LIGHTNING STRIKES PEDESTRIAN IN MOUNT ELLERY

In truly bizarre circumstances today a pedestrian here in the underground city of Mount Ellery was struck by lightning. It isn’t uncommon for thunderstorms to hammer the summit and slopes of the mountain but the city itself would normally expect to be immune to such events. The mayor, appo, explains what happened. “It appears the lightning bolt entered an air vent directly above one of the popular co-operative malls in the city. The unfortunate victim, hathe, was chatting with her friend outside her local organic vegetable co-operative when the discharge came through the vent. The friend, ogismo, suffered extensive burns and is recovering in hospital. Our hearts go out to the families of the two victims. We also wish ogismo a speedy recovery.”

RELIGIOUS NATION CHEATS AT FOOTBALL

Confirmation has been received that religious people are immoral, unethical, treacherous, underhand, violent and sadistic. This is in addition to the previously known propensity towards pomposity and pedantry. Our person in The Atheistic Right, snackalopoulos, reports that members of their football team required counselling after being subjected to torture methods previously thought to be only used by the North Koreans but now confirmed as an integral part of Schorteskatascansolanian sporting and judicial procedures.

Protector of Foreign Affairs and Other Overseas Activities, iveitu, expressed her disappointment. “What can we do? We have carpetted the Schorteskatascansolanian ambassador and encouraged a boycott of their products, services and tourism. If we were part of the World Cup Committee we would vote for their suspension, but we’re not, so we can’t.”

POTOROOS HAVEN’T LOST YET BUT NOT WINNING MUCH EITHER

After three rounds of World Cup qualifying the national team is yet to be beaten. You would expect this from a nation that is ranked #20 in the world. Problem is, the potoroos have only managed one win in three lacklustre games. The latest surprise result was against the #76 ranked side, Nebuleux, here at the Cavern in Mount Ellery. The game ended in a 1-all draw.

The match proceed at a sedate pace until it exploded in the 58th minute Angelic, genderqueer, captain-coach rosaniel received a long-distance, pin-point pass from carltu and slotted it past the Nebuleucti keeper. From the kick-off the visitors ran down the field and equalised. “Hey, that’s our lurk,” complained rosaniel at a press conference after the match. “It’s the potoroos who are supposed to score goals from kick-offs. Perhaps it’s a sign we are no longer the underdogs in matches.” Commentators were left wondering about the connection between being an underdog and the ability to score goals from kick-offs.

rosaniel got stuck into both sides. “It surprises me that a lowly ranked side such as Nebuleux - a nation that doesn’t even publish its team or provide match reports in its local papers – can be second placed in our qualifying group with a 2-1-0 record. To manage only draw a 1-all against them is also an indictment of the potoroos. We are resting on our laurels. Just because we are ranked #20 in the world and just because we have enthusiastic and dedicated supporters doesn’t mean we will automatically qualify. We must lift our game.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 1
(rosaniel 58)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Nebuleux.png
Nebuleux 1
(someone 59)

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/etnierfp.png

Strong run continues for Kelssek

Kelssek's strong form in its World Cup qualifying debut has held, more or less, as the team gave up its first points in a 2-2 draw against New Propagandia yesterday in Neorvins.

Manager Mathieu de Jenken found some cause for concern, however. Tony Adams and Henri Cournoyer scored before the break for a 2-0 lead, but it all slipped away as the defensive slips began to show in the second half.

"We got lazy with the two-goal lead," de Jenken said, "we need to be tougher and stronger at defending it."

He would not, however, be too pleased with the lead-defending tactics of goalkeeper Petr Zherdek, who got himself booked for blatant time-wasting with a goal kick in the 87th minute. After examining the ball and claiming to find a leak, he received a new ball from the ballboys and proceeded to dither over the correct spot to take the goal kick from.

"Zherdek knows it was a stupid thing to do and I know he won't do that sort of thing again." said de Jenken. "If he does... I will think of something to do to him."

Kelssek keep an unbeaten record, however, and travel to Northern Caesarea for their next match. And given what's gone on already, all bets are off.

---

Dark alley in Kirkenes

Screaming, yelling, a thud on the floor, as the henchman doused the flames which his clothing had caught from the burning copy of The Incredibly Obtuse Guide to the Nationstates World Cup his boss, Bob the Bookie, had hurled at him.

"One hundred thousand stinkin' dollars!" he yelled. "I wanted a book and you got me a stinkin', steamin' pile of crap! Wormholes and goddamn upsets, what's going to happen now?"

"Don't take it out on him, boss, it's the IBQM you should be pissed at."

"The what?"

"International Brotherhood of Quantum Mechanics. Went on strike, and the management employees they got to fill in got no idea how to work the Infinite Improbability Drive. That's why crazy stuff happening."

Bob the Bookie grimaced and poured himself a scotch.

The Schiavone Scribe
JUST WHAT ARE THEY?
Schiavonia 1-0 Druida

Another game, another win for the Sloths, as their winning run goes to three games. However, it was the visiting team that were the big story at the KFS yesterday.

The controversy started when SFF Chief Rodney Lowe introduced his counterparts from Druida to the crowd. Lowe rather foolishly made a hash of pronouncing the names of DFA representatives Elmo van der Hesselvenatchov and Frank Gessemschmitthaagen-Po, but that was laughed off in friendly jest.

The real problems started when they were introduced to the players of their own team. After going along the line of Schiavone players, shaking the hands of each one in turn, guest of honour Mr. van der Hesselvenatchov was supposed to be introducced to the Druidans. However, it could be seen that something wasn't right when he was introduced to their goalkeeper, 432975.

The goalie appeared not to recognise Mr. van der Hesselvenatchov, despite him playing in the same position in the same nation's team in the World Cup final 40 years ago. Definately a very strange turn of events. Indeed, none of the Druida team seemed to even acknowledge their FA's representative.

The match itself was fairly uneventful, with the only goal of the game coming in the first five minutes, when Will Caine hit an unstoppable long range shot into the top corner of the net. The rest of the game was fairly uneventful, mainly because of the Druida team's refusal to play properly. However, the main event of the day had already taken place.

Speaking to gathered reporters afterwards, Mr. van der Hesselvenatchov told how something odd was going on in his homeland.

"The thing is, I work for the DFA," he explained, "Yet we didn't send a team to this World Cup because we were still part of Hockey Canada at the time when applications were being taken."

So who are this team that Schiavonia have just played?

"Well, due to Hockey Canada's recent demise, the Druidans who lived there have moved back to their former homeland, only to find it inhibited by these people with numbers and no names. Which is odd."

Very odd. And so off he went, stick of celery in hand. International Celery Day had been a very odd one in Kingsbury. But for one of the Sloths' Group 3 rivals, it seems like a dailly occurance.

The oddness, that is. Not the celery.

Final Score
Schiavonia 1 (Caine 5)
Druida 0

RP Cutoff for MD4

KA ER'GRIFF DARTHIEN GUMASH TIU...
IF ONLY ELVES COULD FLY...

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

The Commonwealth News team are back home with the Fort Europe national football side ahead of todays clash against the familiar foe known as Demot. These two teams have met before, though never in a NationStates tournement, on two occasions last year, which ended up providing a score draw and a one goal to nil victory for Fort Europe towards the end of the YoungWorld's own International Football league last season. They also met again in the group stages of the league cup, which also resulted in a score draw. It is no wonder then that Stuart Moss, Fort Europe's team manager, is confident of a victory on their home soil.

In other related news, we have heard reports that Fort Europe fans who purchased kits and merchandise from the Holy Empire, a common tradition for the fans when traveling away as a show of sportsmanship and good will, were instructed to leave the items in the Empire's realm before making the transition back through the portal home as scientists feared the possibility of contamination as it was believed the items may have come in contact with celery juice. Commonwealth law prevents the import of unlicensed import of organic material including liquids.

Moving on to the match ahead, Fort Europe supporters have been turning out in their thousands again for this group three qualifying match which many believe will provide three more points for the home side. A giant screen has been set up in Stape city center outside the Tower of Eternal Light for anyone who wasn't able to get tickets when the sold out two weeks ago. As for today's team, it's all change with Mia Nevola out injured and Andy Fletcher suspended after his red card last week. Here is the team sheet as it stands:

STARTING XI

GK - James West
DF - Floe Peltsten
DF - Murphy Lee
DF - Shaun Pearson
MF - Gemma Lloyd
MF - Katherine Keller
MF - Ryan Holmes (C)
MF - Edowine Sanjuan
MF - Vicky Princess
AF - Michelle Bishop
AF - Karl Isaak

SUBS

GK - Tom Reas
DF - Mike Young
DF - Aki Haddon
AF - Ian Sikes
AF - Josephine Blanchard

World Cup Report started on a sombre note.

"The game between Turruth-Gordor and Wentland did not take place. The Wentland team refused to participate and manager Norman Hacker stated that he had no interest in sending his team to a country with little regard for human safety, dignity and decency.

"Hacker went on to endorse the Bostopian FA's call for Turruth-Gordor to be expelled for the sake of humanity.

"Some sort of game did take place, with members of the Wentland armed forces who were participating in a war games exercise taking the pitch in borrowed blue shirts. However Hacker has announced that Wentland will not consider it to be an official match and are calling for a replay on the basis that conditions were not fair for football."

“And now your host for the Voice of Truth here on WTRU, Mike McPhee!”

“That’s right its your future president Mike McPhee, the Voice of Truth with a slightly different agenda than planned today. Oh don’t worry long time listeners will know that I’ll still be taking my shots at the drains of our society, but instead of looking at domestic things an international brouhaha on the religious front will take top staging today.

“And as usual, if anyone gives a damn see how your wonderfully pathetic soccer team managed to lose to some place named after a bunch of comedians on WSOC. Way to go Masterson on setting things up early for the usual chokejob. If you didn’t have MacDougal doing all the work with another goal you wouldn’t have a point to date.

“But enough of that. This religious issue was born in some never heard of before nation with a really long and hard to pronounce name trying to convert members of the Atheistic Right’s soccer team by locking them in a room having to listen to religious drivel. Now I’ve vaguely heard of the AR before but if they’re 1) Atheists and 2) on the right then they must be some pretty good people. Oh I know the bleedin’ hearts will be all up in arms about that comment but hey this is Tynelia. We have no official religion, in fact more than half of us don’t even bother with worrying about if some magic pixie sprinkled pixie dust somewhere and made the world. We worry about the here and now. But despite this we let the people who do worry about that sort of thing do their own thing. Its not illegal, its called tolerance.
“Yes that’s right, Tynelia let people make up their own minds without any sort of pressure to do things one way or the other. Forcing someone to convert against their will reminds me of those old jihads and crusades of history where convert or die was the battle cry. I’m shocked that such a mentality still exists in today’s world.

“And how did this outrageous behavior become known to us here or in fact get started to begin with? You know why. That’s right, soccer. Without soccer the entire situation would have been avoided. No atheists visiting to get long named countries all upset and use their brainwashing techniques. No international outrage as the entire incident would have never come into play. Just two countries living their own lives in their own way to their own individual satisfaction. But because of soccer we have the two cultures clashing and slowly the entire world is getting drawn into it. Get rid of soccer and the world would be a better place

“Now to the phones, hello caller I’m the Voice of Truth and you’re on the air.”

“Hello Mike, my name’s Jim and I just want to say I’m with you 100% on this whole soccer thing. Can something that’s a sport be any more boring to watch. ‘Look they kicked the ball. Now the other guys are, oops now its out of bounds, let’s stop now’ But I think there is a use for it Mike.”

“What’s that Jim? I can’t for the life of me see any use for soccer.”

“A cure for insomnia, anyone who can’t sleep should just watch soccer. I haven’t managed to stay awake past the ten minute mark yet.”

“Ah very smart idea there Jim, taking a positive out of something as negative as soccer. I wouldn’t have thought of that myself. But that’s the kind of enterprising ideas I like to hear from my supporters, always trying to find ways to make a better Tynelia. Thanks for your call. Next caller, this is the Voice of Truth and you’re on the air.”

“Ya know sonny, when I was a wee child meself soccer really was a sport. We’d use cannonballs for a ball and the fields were filled with snow three feet and was uphill both ways. There was none of this ‘yellow cards’ or ‘red cards’ for a cheap shot. Nope in my day we just got up, dusted ourselves off and made that sucker pay! That was a real sport fer ya. None of this mamby-pamby girly sport ya see today.”

“Hmm that might have actually been interesting to watch. Imagine soccer as somewhat interesting. You callers are full of interesting ideas today. Maybe we should try bringing that version of the game back gramps. Thanks for your call.

“And that’s all the time we have for today. Tune in tomorrow for more shots at the worst excuse for a sport there is, no offense gramps if your still listening and pending any new developments a look at my domestic agenda. Til then this is the Voice of Truth Mike McPhee tellin’ it like it is whether you like it or not.”


((OOC- the macdougal boys each got a goal in our match Milchama- it was briefly mentioned by the soccer hater so it was easy enough to miss. old man masterson would be dead by the 77th minute playing from the start :) ))

CBC International News

Hello and Welcome to CBC Morning News, I'm Milchama Banks, where besides Cookesland's third victory in the World Cup we have something interesting to report. It seems i share my first name with another nation in the World Cup, not in our grouping, but i wonder how that came to be. (ooc: @ Milchama, lmao this is a huge coincidence. I wanted a Japanese sounding name so i dreged Milchama out my sub-concious :p . I want to continue to RP with her but if you have a problem with it just ask me to change it.)

In another spectacular game the Blue Owls defeated Hockey Canada in a 2 to nothing victory. Goals were scored by strikers Colin Short and Patrick Andolor. Cookesland is still in 2nd place in the third grouping behind Schiavonia. Our Next Match is a home game Against Fort Europe *loud cheering from the tech crew* yes, so come out and support the team.



The Blue Owls progress so far:

Day 1 : Cookesland vs. Druida - Home -Tie 2-2
Day 2 : Harleburg vs. Cookesland - Away -Win 0-2
Day 3 : Cookesland vs. Bartonstein - Home -Win 2-0
Day 4 : Hockey Canada vs. Cookesland - Away - Win 0-2
Day 5 : Cookeland vs. Fort Europe - Home
Day 6 : Cookesland vs. Demot - Home
Day 7 : The Lowland Clans vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 8 : Alasdair I Frosticus vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 9 : Cookesland vs. Schiavonia - Home
Day 10 : Bartonstein vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 11 : Cookesland vs. Harlesburg - Home
Day 12 : Schiavonia vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 13 : Cookesland vs. The Lowland Clans - Home
Day 14 : Fort Europe vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 15 : Cookesland vs. Alasdair I Frosticus - Home
Day 16 : Cookesland vs. Hockey Canada - Home
Day 17 : Druida vs. Cookesland - Away
Day 18 : Demot vs. Cookelsand - Away

OOC - Wow, SIX TWO?

Wayne: I'm Wayne Wastle - and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE on the one and only Jeruselem Government News. With me is the one and only Dazza Dallas, Miss February.
Dazza: Thanks Wayne, there's only one Dazza Dallas.

Wayne: Today we took on Bettia today. We maybe friends but on the football field when we play, that's a luxury so we have to play win still. Our fans expect it. 3rd vs 18th seed. Last two World Cup games, we beat them FOUR ONE but you think Bettia can get the Bettia of Jeruselem. Our Nedalian fans were watching with interest indeed.
Dazza: Hey, that's a Dazza joke Wayne! Sneaky man, stealing Dazza's thunder. Well, a lot of goals were scored this game. Like 8 goals. Don't complain we don't entertain the masses!

wayne: The good news is Jeruselem scored 6 of the 8 goals winning SIX TWO. Yes, an absolute trashing of Bettia. Jeruselem scored 7 goals in 3 games and now six against Bettia.
Dazza: Tunk and the team did the job with Rashina marshalling the defense effectively. The Bettian defense got destroyed.

Wayne: Strong man Tunk, Gay guy Al and even Sammie Smith scored goals. Little Dinkie Dosha got a goal too, her first ever as a substitute. As usual Tunk, the man, lead the team his two goals demonstrated he is as good at Kate Bush is.
Dazza: We did concede two goals but both teams attacked from the outset. Jeruselem were more effective and Rashina chased the Bettians around, spoiling their attacks time and time again.

Wayne: Great result for us, but not for Bettia who could have played better.
Dazza: We played the Bettia game!

Wayne: Good one, got me back. Other games - less exciting ones that is.
Dazza: Bostopia's good run was halted by sloppy draw against New Propagandia. No one scored, and I don't think there were really trying either. Bostopia could have made a big move by winning. It's a let down.

Wayne: Kelssek's scoring spree seems to have stopped dead. Northern Caesarea held them to a 1 ALL draw and it seems a good defense from any team makes life hard for teams who need to score goals because they don't like defending.
Dazza: Northern Caesarea keep on fighting on and Kelssek found them hard to break down. The Caesareans are back and looking good in face of the challenge from rookie teams.

Wayne: Collonie finally got something right beating Lovisa ONE NIL. Lovisa are already falling into that coffin called relegation so far.
Dazza: No wins and even teams off form beating them. It's hard road to world Cup glory for this former superteam.

Wayne: Elves Security Forces recovered from the Jeruselem experience and beat the Frenchies THREE TWO. They aren't giving up and will make waves when they have to.
Dazza: The Elves are here to qualify, not make up numbers. I don't know about the Frenchies though, inconsistent so far. Oh yes, we play the Frenchies next.

Wayne: After four games, Jeruselem lead with all wins in Group 1. Well, we are the 3rd seed.
Dazza: Followed by Bostopia and Kelssek, no I am not joking. These teams are 2nd and 3rd.

Wayne: Northern Caesarea are 4th and Bettia 5th with the Elves 6th. Never mind the others. Lovisa have no points.
Dazza: Well, looking at the table - two rookie teams doing well. Apart from Jeruselem, the others are struggling.

Wayne: And to the Lions! Nedalian Lions, not Bedistan Lions.
Dazza: A rather scrappy TWO ONE win over Altanar but it's a win. Two losses so far to Bettia and Nedalia, but Bettia did play us and Nedalia did play the World Cup 31 champs already. So our friends should do well next few games.

Wayne: Prize giving time ... a Dazza pack, Dazza?
Dazza: Ah yes, people demanded it so JGN are providing. 100 lucky viewers will win a Dazza pack. A pack with Dazza DVDs, Dazza posters and Dazza computer software as well as the Playboy issue. A letter from me and one of winners gets to shop with Dazza for a day.

Wayne: Who's paying?
Dazza: Me, I'm not some low down stouge. It is a real prize, not some con job.

Wayne: To win, go to the JGN web site and click on the competition link. Rather hard to miss with Dazza in a bikini as the image - and answer the question. Who is Dazza's father? Simple one.
Dazza: Just a clue - real Dazza fans know the answer, he's an ex-coach.

Wayne: Well, what a game Bettia smashed by Jeruselem SIX TWO.
Dazza: Oh just found out Yafor 2 beat Starblaydia TWO ONE. Well, well - that's some result!

Wayne: Sure is. From me, good night.
Dazza: Sweet dreams especially my fans who will have better dreams if they win a Dazza pack.


Group 1
New Propagandia [0] Bostopia [0]
Northern Caesarea [1] Kelssek [1]
Jeruselem [6] Bettia [2]
Lovisa [0] Collonie [1]
Marceau State [2] Elves Security Forces [3]

Group 9
Nedalia [2] Altanar [1]