NationStates Jolt Archive

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Coverage

Anti-Archregimancy Protests Begin in Lisbon, Madeira

LISBON - Archbishop Paulo Justihno rebuked the Monastic Football Association today for their comments that he should 'mind his own business.' "You claim to act as the One True Church, yet all I see is suspicion and bitterness, perhaps because in the end, the True Church, Catholic and United against the heresy they speak, triumphed in the battle to represent the believers of the world." He did how ever urge calm in his Sunday Mass, where he declared that God would benefit the righteous, and that His Wisdom would prevail upon the situation. He also quipped, "Next time they wish to accuse me of corruption, they should hear my rebuttal, or perhaps all there time in the wilderness has dampened their wits." Protests began as people gathered to burn effigies of the head of the MFA, and chant anti-Orthodox slogans.

Chief of Lisbon Police Oliver Redondi declared that any violence would met with equal force. Many atheists from across the nation declared that this is exactly why people should refuse to believe in God, though most of their claims involved low-class internet blogs and incorrect grammar. With the Archregimancy team supposedly hiding out at an isolated monastery, Friar Polycarp has refused to comment to the media. However, native Serbian and Greek Orthodox partriachs have gathered at a conference in Belgrade to condemn the Catholic riots and beg the MFA to retract the statement. "They may be heretics, but we are called by Christ to love all people, freemasons and atheists too."

Vice President and member of the ViLC Organizing committee Gavin Doliaque also requested a meeting with the senior MFA officials to discuss the new draw formula. "I'm sure once we go over things with the MFA, this whole issue will be smoothed out, politically at least."

Galaxy Roster Released, Team Ready for Quakmybush
Rachel Masters

GRAHAM CITY - Daniel Davies, Casey Dellet, President-Elect John P. Kingsley was on hand for the unveiling of the lineup of the Galaxy for debut tomorrow in Graham City against Quakmybush. Wearing the new kits, they talked with the press before heading off to the practice grounds for a media demonstration. They appeared ready, a tight nit team ready for the challenges that the world stage bring. Dellet was upbeat, and speaking to the press for the first time, was captain Ryley Bloudin. "It's been a long great run, and I'm finally going to see the World Cup. I hope we do well, but it's been a good run. Dellet and Doig and Stjepan have all been wery good to me, and it's been nice being able to teach this youngsters a thing or two."

Boy is he right, this squad is looking ridiculously young. But this is classic Davies and Dellet, going with a young, unflashy yet technically solid team based around a few veterans who've cultivated a lot of influence. Both Santander and Bloudin will be looking to take this team far, and I'd peg them as their key to success. If they perform well, then the rest of the team will follow. They've also got a lot of young talent that could really help them do well. Iska Djukashenki has really matured into a great attacking midfielder and will be relied upon to provide the creative spark for this team. The defence looks fairly monolithic, and it looks like Dellet will use his mobile wingers in Deldier and former Vilitan Amalido Joeira to support the attack and defence.

There are some flaws, in that the team doesn't look terribly good on set pieces, both from the offensive and defensive sides of the ball. But with a disciplined team that has shown a lot of good heads stuck on their shoulders, the Group A should watch out, because this team is hungry and looking for a chance to succeed.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamsportsweekly.png

Waffles @ World Cup XXXI

Tamsyn Pengelley's Waffles have made it to their third straight World Cup,
this time without their star Crewenna Roskelly. In some ways, it was a
radically different team that qualified, with 57 goals scored in 18 games,
Tehta Trevelyan again leading the scoring effort. And like usual, it was up to
the end of the qualifying season before Spaam eventually clinched their World
Cup berth, thanks mainly to a suprising 5:1 win over the Archregimancy.
More telling, is that Spaam have their best chance of moving to the second
round in years, being drawn with a lacklustre Krytenia, fellow World Cup
ancients Ariddia, and underdog Aurendia. In any case, Spaam are once again
a World Cup regular, and that trophy may not be that far off after all.

Group B

Spaam have been drawn into an exciting Group B in the World Cup, where
virtually anything may happen, and no nation is certain of progressing. Here
is the run down of the teams...

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png Krytenia

The Aces, with their Blue or Orange kits, made it sixteen wins from eighteen
games, only dropping one in qualifying. Nevertheless, they didn't seem to
make such a big impact on the football world, and will need to perform at
their best to move forward. They aren't hosts, so no chance of reaching the
semis. Watch out for Barradez, one of the best keepers in the world.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia

The Rouge-et-Noirs, with their Black and Red colours, are a formidable team,
and with more football history than any other nation in the world. Coming
from the nation that introduced us to the single greatest sporting event, the
know how to play football, and managed to finish on top of their group, a big
effort in itself. They play similar attacking football to the Waffles, so this
match should be one of the most exciting in the group stage. All their players
are famous, but their captain Hanifah Kyaw will be the one to watch.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spaam.png Spaam

Most critics expect the Waffles to perform well, but as this is one of the
toughest groups, to fall just short of a much desired second round
appearance. If there is one thing Spaam knows how to do, it's score goals,
with one of the best forward lines in the world this year. If nothing, the
spectators will be pleased, though a couple of wins wouldn't go amiss. Watch
out for Tehta Trevelyan, in his fourth cup and still as dangerous as ever.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/aurendia.png Aurendia

The Raptors qualified only on goal difference, at the expense of Fmjphoenix,
who had a season to forget, with eight draws. The first time qualifiers will
struggle in this group, but the have shown the capability to pull an upset, and
it is a foolish team that underestimated Aurendia. Liza "The Lemur" Kohl is an
entertaining keeper, and will look to frustrate the heavy attack of their
groupmates.


Matchday One

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png VS http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/aurendia.png
Krytenia VS Aurendia

On paper it is a win to the Aces but the Raptors are a dark horse in this cup.
The punters will be putting their money on the favourite, but don't bet too
high cos you might find yourself penniless.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spaam.png VS http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png
Spaam VS Ariddia

The matchup between the two oldest teams in this Cup is going to be one of
the most televised games this matchday. With both teams renowned for their
heavy and effective attack, expect plenty of goals scored. The feeling is
that Ariddia will pull out winners, but it is by no means a sure thing.

Qualifying Goalscorers
1 T. Trevelyan 18
20 E. Retallack 12
2 G. Chegwidden 9
14 M. Menadue 6
19 H. Nepean 4
22 J. Hoover 3
12 M. Bice 2
4 E. Kent 1
21 S. Maddaford 1
9 M. Prisk 1

- ViLC World Cup 31 :: Matchday 1 RP Cutoff -

The Lowland Clans Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11922517&postcount=21)
Vilitan Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11922533&postcount=22)

Paladins Eliminated From Contention

Draw with Qazox leaves the side on the outside looking in

THE LOWLAND CLANS - A shock 2-2 draw against Qazox has left the Paladins in the dust looking up at both Jeruselem and the Oxen, with little to no chance of catching up. A disappointing performance offensively, with only one goal scored by the Paladins (the second was a Qazox own goal on a bobbled pass back to the keeper) has sent the States home to questions about their level of performance and motivation, after a qualification run in which they secured only four points against Cuation and Tadjikistan, the two biggest threats throughout qualifiers.

Two matchdays do remain to be played, but these seem to be mere formalities, as it is doubtful the Paladins are even capable of proving themselves worthy to be on the same field as the three other World Cup-caliber teams in their group. Qazox, and probably Jeruselem alongside them, will undoubtedly cut through the group like a scythe going through corn in the fields on the Savaron. They will smoke us like five desperate hippies passing a single blunt around. They will light us up like a pyromaniacs convention on a field trip to an oil refinery. They will pass us by like a drag racer blowing past a gimp. They will romp like ten thousand rhinos on a superhighway. They will roll over us like a steamroller taking on a Lego™ castle. They will waste us like a dumpster full of discarded plywood. They will bury us like Nikita Krushchev at the United Nations. They will smear us like Karl Rove did to John McCain back in 2000. They will shatter us like small children turned loose on the windows of Notre Dame. They will destroy us like the Juggernaut, only without the fake Aussie accent. They will discard us like last week's condoms. They will trash us worse than Keith Moon's drumset. They will beat us harder than that ex-congressman from Florida did to his Peruvian mistress. They will spank us like the only submissive at a bondage convention. They will kneecap us like Nancy Kerrigan. They will burn us like lithium dropped into water at room temperature. They will rock us like Freddie Mercury himself. They will...

ED: The metaphors got gradually worse and worse. I'm just putting them to a merciful end now.

PALADINS 2 - Darcy 45, (own goal) 67
QAZOX 2

QAZOXIAN TIMES

FIT TO BE TIED

Qazox did what few teams can ever do in their 1st appearance at the World Cup, and managed not to get blown out by the Paladins of NMS. Qazox had a chance at yet another huge upset, but a misplayed back pass from Ryan Holmes, hit a rock an bounced past Julia Kidd in the 67th minute, tying the match up at 2-2, where it finished.

The Black Oxen were big underdogs, but boosted by the 2 wins in qualifing over Starblaydia, Qazox felt little pressure, as they were not expected to contend. The Paladins, seemed a bit too confident of their ability, but that quickly went away in the 28th minute when Rene LaTreque, who's been light-out brilliant this cup, scored when Paladin Keeper, Vyacheslav Kamchatski, slipped on the shot and had no chance to deflect it.

With that 1st goal the pressure on NMS increased, and Qazox took advantage just 10 minutes later when Aki Fa'Mau-Tana took an errant pass and lodged it in the back of the net, giving the Black Oxen a surprising 2-0 lead 35 minutes into the match, sending the crowd at New Trafford Field, abosultly nuts.

But just before halftime, Andre Darcy scored for the Paladins, cutting the lead to 2-1, giving NMS back some momentum. After the tying goal mentioned above, neither side could sustain any lengthy attacks and at the end, Qazox had Stolen a point, many thought they would not get.

Up next is The Islands of Qutar, a team Qazox faced during qualifing for World Cup 28, 16 years ago. Qutar beat us 4-1 in Qutar, but Qazox held them to a 0-0 draw at home. Qazox is a lot better than the team of 16 years ago, but so is the Qutaris. Expect a very close match, that could be decided by which team makes fewer mistakes.

Pschychoes Show Up Pundits

In their predictions for the outcomes of the world cup, several groups of sports analysts have announced their belief that Squornshelous will fail to advance to the second round. Members of the press from Az-cz, Quakmybush and The Lowland Clans have all predicted Squornshelous will finish in third place in the group, an extremely disappointing outcome for the sixth ranked team in the world. Perhaps because of this Squornshelous came out swinging in their first group stage match against Geisenfried.

Admitedly, the Golden Eagles, who qualified on a technicality, are one of the weaker teams in this cup, but the Pschychoes 3-0 domination was impressive none the less. Igor Khabarov earned man-of-the-match honors for his two goals early in the match, and Oleg Petrov iced it with about 20 minutes left. Geisenfried never really had a real scoring chance, the defense played well, forcing them to take their shots from far outside the box, or from bad angles near the corners. Squornshelous maintained possession for much of the match, playing patiently and methodically, working their way through the defense.
Squornshelous now needs to win just one more match to secure a spot in the second round. Even if we draw both of our remaining matches, our 3-0 win provides a goal differential boost that should vault us past Commerce Heights and Vilita.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Geisenfried

Cas

Could you not post a match report until after I get a chance to post? Feel free to do various other RPs, but I have a specific direction I want to take the match itself. Thanks.

(This post is long. As such, I'm not proofreading it and do not need to be notified of misspelling of the names of various characters or words. :p )

The jail door clanged as David and Maria walked into the jail, streching. Stopping in front of one cell, they both looked inside and shook their head at once. "Damnit, you're making it a hard sell to keep you around as coach, Hillo." Maria said, looking through the bars.

Hill flipped her off and sat on the bench, staring at the floor. "I'm really not in the mood to deal with your bullshit, you know."

"We can't even pin down what the hell you did. Someone even said you stabbed someone." David said as he was trying to look at the coach sitting in the dark.

"Oh, I didn't stab anyone. Yet. I'm not even sure who's going to get stabbed, but I'd like to see a kidney spill on the floor before the end of the day."

David and Maria looked at each other. "Well, we bailed you out. Apparently we shouldn't have done so well in qualifying, eh?"

A blue streak of various multilingual swears caused them both to wince.

"I didn't know you knew Noterelenda." Maria said, stepping out of the way as a policeman opened the door to the cell and Hill walked out.

"Only the good parts." Hill mumbled, leaving the cell and walking directly through the police station and outside into the parking lot.

David and Maria walked after her, letting out a collective sigh. "You know, we don't even know what you did to get arrested."

"Well, as you know, we got boned, and I had some... minor differences of opinion... with the referee."

David blinked and unlocked the car, climbing into the driver's seat. "So, you bum-rushed the referee." He said, watching Hill climb in the passenger's seat.

"Oh hell no." Maria swore, standing outside the car.

"What is it now?" David asked.

"We just bailed you out of freaking jail. You do not get shotgun. Get in the back." Maria said, standing by the door. With a nonchalant shrug, Hill turned and climbed between the front seats to the back. "Ow, damnit." she mumbled as Maria climbed in and pushed her the rest of the way into the back seat.

"I don't see how that works." David said.

"What, bum-rushing the ref?" Hill asked, glancing out the window.

"No, why you gave up shotgun. You touched the car first, you get shotgun." David said.

Maria pffted. "That doesn't matter. Noone called it, we bailed her out of jail, I should just get shotgun out of thanks. Besides, we probably would have gotten arrested if it got challenged anyway."

"Challenged? How the hell do you challenge a shotgun call?" David asked, trying to back the car out of the parking spot.

"Someone calls shotgun, and if you challenge, you both drop your pants and the first one to make it to the car wins." Hill said, messing with the window. "If you've been on any trip for the CSA, you should know that."

"I wasn't exactly a high-ranking offical." David said, pulling onto the road. "Anyway, you bum-rushed the ref?"

"Yup. He charged me back, too. I tackled him, he tried to pin me, I bit him, and security broke up the fight."

"Holy crap, you bit the referee?" Maria said, turning in her seat.

"Hard, too. I think I drew blood."

"What happened to the ref?"

"Pfft, nothing. Bastard."

David laughed, trying to drive the car through a bit of road construction. "Damn, you'd think they'd have all this sorted out for the World Cup."

"I doubt we're supposed to visit the jail while we're here." Maria said, watching. "Hey, Hill?"

"What?"

"Lean out the window and grab one of those traffic cones."

"Why the hell would I want to do that?"

"Because, it would be awesome." Maria said, watching. "Your window's down, just lean out and grab it. David will get close."

"... You'll have to get really close." Hill said, looking at David through the rear view mirror. "I'll have to get a good look at the one I want to get."

David slowly moved the car towards the line of cones, trying to not act suspicious. "Want a count?"

"No, I just need to find one I like... Ooh, ok! get a little closer!"

David glanced over, trying to see the range to the cones as Hill took off her seat belt and rolled down the window all the way. "Ok, ok, that's good, hold it there. Slow down a bit when I tell you, though... alright... NOW!"

And in a show of skillful grace and artistry, Hill half-dived out of the window of the moving car, grabbed a bright orange traffic cone, and pulled herself back in the car window, holding the cone like she would the World Cup Trophy itself.

Maria couldn't stop laughing at this point, David took the next right and began cutting through town, and Hill let out a whoop of victory.

"Oooh, there's a bank. Wanna stick it up?" Hill said, shoving the cone in the footwell on the other side of the back seat.

David chuckled as Maria was gasping for breath, doubled over in the passengers seat. "So now that we've bailed Hill out of jail and promptly stolen some stuff again, what should we do now?"

"I dunno, I'm sick of dealing with racists." Hill said quietly.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Maria asked, sticking half her head out of the window to look at buildings.

"Why do you think Casarans always get arrested when they come to Vilita? People are racist against Casarans, clearly." Hill said, grabbing the traffic cone again. Pointing it out the window, she began using it as a megaphone to yell at someone in a Oliverry kit.

"Pfft. That's crazy talk."

"Oh please. You can't say you don't get weird looks on foriegn soil because of how you look." Hill said, rolling down the window on the other side of the car, looking for more opposing fans to berate.

"I don't know, maybe you're getting weird looks because you're an adult shouting at people on the street with a stolen traffic cone." Maria said, looking back into the back seat.

"Pfft. Any good fan would be doing the same."

"You're not a fan, you're the bloody coach."

"Even more a reason why I should be a fan." Hill said, keeping her focus out the window.

"Still, I wouldn't call it racist. I just think that Vilita brings out the best in comic mischief in all of us." David said, turning a corner.

"You know, the hotel isn't this way." Maria said, looking around.

"Hell, we're not looking for the hotel, I'm looking for more people to yell at." David said.

Hill shrugged. "Casarans get unruly in warm weather. Why do you think that is, we all have bizzare personalities-"

"Yes." Maria interjected.

"Fine, but why are we all bizzarely off our rockers? It's genetics." Hill said, yelling at a bike messenger.

"Why'd you yell at the bike messenger?" David asked, watching.

"He was totally smoking pot while on that bike." Hill said.

"How can you tell?" David asked.

"You could smell it."

"From a moving car."

"Hell yes. See? They're jealous of our sense of smell too."

"I am not hearing this right now." David said. "He was riding the opposite direction! That would have required the smell molecules to be moving faster than he was."

"I'm right and you know it."

David sighed. "My soul just died a little."

Maria, however, seemed to be tending a different direction. "Oooh, a fast food place!"

David, knowing better than to argue, pulled into the parking lot.

"No, no, go through the drive thru." Maria said.

"I'm not eating while driving. Come on." David said, walking into the fast food restaruant, followed by Maria and Hill, who was still cradling the traffic cone.

"Damn, Hill, ditch the cone!" Maria mumbled, as David stared at the menu, obviously confused.

"Hey, what kind of food is this?" David muttered, the person at the register looking at him oddly.

"Just order something, you're making us look like idiots." Hill whispered.

The process of ordering food was a bit slow and confusing, leaving the trio walking to a table, staring at their food. Their slow walk was distracted by several quiet blasphemies being uttered by a quartet of slightly dirty Casaran fans who had made the trip.

"Hey, fans!" David said, blinking. "You guys wouldn't know what we ordered, do you?"

While the other three stared, one just shrugged and went "Meh, it tastes good enough."

Shrugging, the three sat down and began eating, the slightly scruffy looking fans stared across the row in awe at the officals who were more or less their personal gods for the ten minutes they spent eating.

"Hey, where'd you get that traffic cone?" one said, blinking.

"We swiped it." Maria said. "What's your name, kid?"

"Mike Triari."

"So, Mike, do you have any idea where we could get a drink?"

"We have enough to drink back at where we're staying." Mike said, shrugging.

"Where is that?"

"Campground. Bunch of us staying there."

"Why?"

"Less things to arrest us for."

Hill looked at David and Maria and shrugged. "Meh, why not. Lead the way."

It was a good thirty minute trip out to the arbitrarily placed campground outside the city. Getting out of the car, the whole pace of the camp kicked down a few notches, as word spread quickly though the heavy Casaran majority of the temporary residents that for some ungodly reason, the coach and top officals of Casaran Soccer had showed up at a random campsite and were looking for a drink.

Thankfully, drinks were something in good supply.

Watching Hill walk off and proudly show off her traffic cone to the assembled hooligans, David and Maria stood next to each other, their mouths open as other fans stood in awe of them.

David leaned over, and while watching the fans kick each other in the shins in a pickup-soccer game, said quietly to Maria, "You know... maybe we are weird."

Maria turned, looked at him, and shrugged. "Meh... What the hell."

"You know what went wrong, don't you, Fil?"

"I built up our chances, didn't I?"

"You certainly did my friend. You should know by now that the weight of any expectation will be a burden upon our players."

"I know. But I really thought we could do it this time."

"You're a fool, you know that, Fil?"

"I know."

"So that's it then. It's going to take a pretty miraculous change in form to turn this around."

"Ah, come on! The Lowland Clans and Quakmybush, that's six easy points!"

"FIL!"

"I'm joking. We're going out, aren't we."

"Yup."

"Right, well we're back on air in ten seconds. And Lowe's ready to talk to us."

*We hear some rubbishy music in the background that accompanies the break intro music*

"Welcome back to Graham City, where Schiavonia have just been beaten 4-2 by Bazalonia in a game that saw our so far solid defence torn to shreds."

"Well, there's not much you can do when the midfield ball winner gets sent off with half an hour to go in such a close and important game. It meant that the team had to sacrifice one of their strikers, and without Seamus Bradley, the attack looked lightweight and easy to knock off the ball."

"We were already three-two down at the time of the sending off, Fil. So we can't blame that."

"I know, but Eric Berry looked like a shadow of his former self today. His tackles were regularly mistimed, and they were such hopeless attempts to win the ball that it wasn't much of a surprise to see him going off. It's just a shame he got a red card before he could get subbed off."

"Well talking to us from in the tunnel now is Rodney Lowe. Rodney, why didn't you bring Berry off before he was sent off?"

"Well I was going to give him fifteen minutes of the second half to see if my team talk would help him, but it clearly didn't. The sad thing for us is, if he hadn't made that last challenge on Anthony Creek, we would have replaced him with another player the next time the ball went out."

"So it was just a case of bad luck that we lost?"

"Far from it. The defence as a whole were dire, and up until the sending off, both teams were going for goals like crazy. It really could have gone either way, but Eric knows he's done wrong and that his performance wasn't good enough."

"So you'll have to make changes for the challenge of Quakmybush. What might they be?"

"Well, next game will see Andy McGee come in and be the experienced passer and Alan Tiss will drop back to his more usual position as ball winner. Why I didn't do that before is beyond me."

"And do you think that we still have a chance of qualifying?"

"We'll always have a chance until it becomes a mathematical impossibility. But in reality, no."

"Rodney Lowe, thank you."

"No problem, boys."

"So we've got no chance according to Rodney Lowe."

"Well, Mike, you have to admit that our chances of going through are now pretty slim. Winning two games on the bounce after such a devastating defeat is a very difficult thing to do. Hopefully, that is our bad performance out of the way, but you have to remember what Rodney Lowe said during qualifying. Those that do better than expected can often be over-confident of doing well in the finals. I think that was our downfall today, and if we're not careful, it will put paid to any chances we have against Quakmybush too."

"So we're screwed."

"Yep."

"Well, I'm glad we agree on something for once. I guess that's it from us for now, we'll be back later in the week when we will see Schiavonia get beaten by Quakmybush and be sent crashing out of the cup. From us for now, goodnight."

A red-headed girl in feminine Crusader chain mail suite

"Hi, this is Dazza reporting for JGN and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE - not another episode THE MEDIEVAL LIFE. Ricky's not here because he's got something to do, so it's Dazza the Crusader flying the flag and fighting the heathens."

<Dazza gets out a Jeruselem flag>

"Today, the Crusaders waged war on the heathens from the The Islands of Qutar. Queen Dazza and her charges waged a fair but battle against a worthy opponent. In the end, the knights won the battle and Qutarians were banished by the sword. In other words, Jeruselem won!"

"We won THREE TWo in battle of wills. Jeruselem and Qutar traded blows as each traded a goal in the first half. Neither side could assert itself as possession of the ball traded places each side of the field. Both sides didn't want to defend, they wanted to score the winning goal but wasted chances and things were hotting up."

"2nd half - Qutar struck what looked like the final blow with a well planned goal taking advantage of the short Jeruselem defenders who couldn't stop a super header. But when Qutar though the Crusaders had enough, they were wrong. We put in the final charge and started pounding the Qutar goal with long range shots. Still TWO ONE to Qutar, but then when the Qutar defense was all get up for handling incoming missiles - the Cavalry did the job. The midfiend started running the ball straight at down middle of the field. Corner after corner, Qutar resisted until Tunk put in a great header to level at 2 ALL. Jeruselem took the lead when Anna Goldstein put in a curling free kick to steal the game."

"In the other World Cup 21 Group C game, the Paladins from New Montreal State could not slay the Ox team from Qazox. A draw between the teams at 2 ALL. We expected the Paladins to win but the team who beat Starblaydia twice put up a real fight. So Jeruselem top the group with a win while the Ox and Paladins get a point, and Qutar are bottom with ZIP. Jeruselem need one more win to be secure while the others need wins especially Qutar. Dazza's Crusaders want the Holy Grail, we aren't stopping for no one."

"YAP YAP. This isn't real chain mail, it's actually light Aluminium - but for a little person like me it's still heavy. Many people question if one can play football and have kids at the same time in Jeruselem. Most of our team are Mums, but most of these families have only one footballer - in my case there's going to be two. People forget Jeruselem is about family - we have large families so there lots of relatives to take care of kids when you can't. You have grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts, and siblings to help you out as well as Mum and Dad. Sometimes, you have football family - which means there's no problems at all when one parent needs to go a world cup. See, in Jeruselem our big families make it easy to have kids and play football. My employers are good as they have childcare and I'll be using it when Dazza has kiddies. Jeruselem families aren't just Mum and Dad and kids - it's more than that. So don't worry, Dazza and Finn are going be fine, you have to worry about the kids we bring up."

"That's it from Dazza the Crusader, I'll be back next time in another costume. It's sweet dreams from soccer's foxiest Crusader! Now, Dazza's going out to slay some dragons."

Group C
New Montreal States [2] Qazox [2]
Jeruselem [3] The Islands of Qutar [2]


---Group C---- P W D L GF-GA GD Pts
[1] Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3-2 +1 3
[2] New Montreal States 1 0 1 0 2-2 +0 1
3- Qazox 1 0 1 0 2-2 +0 1
4- The Islands of Qutar 1 0 0 1 2-3 -1 0

The Akani Sands Eyestrain - wrecking eyesight and hurting since 1993

ARORASTRIUMPHINTAKILANTREAT

Bettia 5 (Ffagan 2, Rhydderch 14 88, Sabitha 57, Scott 85)
Milchama 2 (Joseph 5, Lonnen 13)

Well, the headline says it all. Bettia and Milchama, two nations reknowned for their attacking prowess and gung-ho attitude ensured that Group E started with a bang... and what a bang! The scene was set in an exilherating opening quarter of an hour which saw four rapid-fire goals.

Bettia were the quicker of the two out of the blocks, the boys in blue and white pouring forward straight from the kickoff and gaining an early corner after Kurniawan's ambitious narrow angle shot was deflected by the legs of defender Stockholm. A harmless-looking ball was floated into the goal area, where goalkeeper Clay Finton could only manage a weak punch to Eurys Ffagan lurking on the edge of the penalty area. Lurching past one tackle, he buried the ball into the bottom corner past an unsighted Finton.

For their credit, Milchama proved exactly why they're nicknamed the Warriors, bursting back on level terms thanks to a blistering run by Kilinin, who sprinted her way through Bettia's midfield before springing the offside trap, putting Joseph through on goal. One sidestep round Safwan Sulaiman later, and he was left with a tap-in into an empty net to haul Milchama back into the game.

Eight minutes of end-to-end football later, and it was Milchama who held the upper hand, courtesy of a freekick some five yards outside the penalty area after Kary was fouled by Hartiyanto. As midfield dynamo Barret M Lonnen eagerly eyed up the target, the Bettian defence knew what was coming but try as they might, the combined efforts of the six-man wall and Sulaiman were powerless to stop his thunderbolt from crashing into the net.

Now, after such a suckerpunch, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Bettian heads would drop, but the Aroras' response was immediate. The kickoff went straight to Harris at full-back, who hoofed the ball up the field to find the head of Barry Scott in the centre, who glanced the ball on to that master predator himself Gwarthen Rhydderch, who muscled his way past two defenders and dinked the ball over the advanced keeper to get Bettia back on level pegging.

The remainder of the first half was a tight tussle which saw a number of chances fall for both teams. Bettia in particular started to make headway on the wings thanks to the pacy pair of Kurniawan and Vaughan, but despite their many goalbound efforts, the two teams went into half-time on level terms, leaving fans and neutrals alike a wee bit breathless.

Whereas the opening half was an even, nip-and-tuck affair, Bettia slowly but surely began to turn the screws in the second half, and they took the lead 12 minutes in. A Barry Scott corner searching out the far post was cleared only as far as Sonny Sabitha on the corner of the penalty area. As cool as you like, the youngster announced his prescence on the world stage by calmly chesting the ball down before smacking an outswinging half-volley into the near corner to send the travelling hordes of Bettian supporters into delerium.

Milchama responded by creating a few chances of their own, KAry and Albentine both went close with good efforts, whilst Rhydderch kept the keeper busy at the other end. Whilst Bettia enjoyed the lion's share of possesion and goalscoring chances, they didn't wrap the game up until the final five minutes. A typically marauding run by Eri Kurniwan, cutting into the centre from the wing, was crudely ended by a scything challenge from Hansen, a foul which the Milchaman defender was lucky to escape with just a booking. As the Warriors busied themselves organising their defensive wall, Barry Scott was given the nod by the referee to take the kick quickly, an opportunity he took well by bending the ball past a stranded keeper.

Gwarthen Rhydderch wrapped the game up a couple of minutes later with a bullet header from Vaughan's pinpoint cross from the left flank, giving Bettia a handsome victory over their near-neighbours and a slight upper hand in the group. Next up for Bettia are Cuation, who we can be sure will be looking for a vast improvement after their 0-0 draw with hosts Vilita.

Bettia's quest to turn the island of Vilita blue has certainly gotten off to a good start - long may this form continue!!

"I'm so exicted... It's the first match. I hope the Bazalopes do well." Said John as he entered the City International Stadium in Graham City. The imposing structure awed the 15 year old winner of the DC Inc. John Michaels. His father and sister where accompanying him and the large stadium. Bazalonia and Schiavonia was on the cards today.

It was not hard for the 3 Michaels family members to find their seats. They where very good seats quite close to the action the game was only 20 minutes away and the stadium was bustling with electric excitement. The Bazalopes faced the on-paper toughtest opponent in their group the Schiavonian Sloths.

"The 'vonians should be east compared to the Bedistani's" commented the excited Bazalonia. "Now, John don't get too excited. You never know what might happen." said John's father Richard. While John got eager and excited his father remained level headed. And while he does enjoy his soccer he does not get all riled up and excited. John's sister Margaret was actually quite confident about the result. "Don't worry, I think I have a good feeling about this... I predict a 2 goal margin for the Bazalopes."

"Margaret, you always have these predictions and you are always wrong." retorted John. "Yeah, but never about soccer. I don't know why. I just have these feelings."

"So your feeling huh? I'll make you feel something!" he said to Margaret as he went and flicked his sister "Hey, stop it you two. The National anthems are coming on. Their announcing it... come on stand up." said Richard as both Margaret and John stood up to their feet their father in between them to try and keep the peace between the two siblings as well as to prevent anything untoward may happen.

The Bazalonian national anthem played over the speaker system in the City International Stadium as these three particular Bazalonians sung along with it

Bazalonia, Where the Bazalope runs free
There's a place that we call home
Our Wonderous Land

Bazalonia, where our hearts are set upon
There is nowhere else like you
our wonderous home

Bazalonia, our pride and joy you are
There you stand a shinning light
illuming our way

And as our nation grows
We'll build our nations might
Our Land, Our Home
Bazalonia, We love you
Bazalonia, We love you


And then it was the turn of the Schiavonian national anthem. It was actually quite hard for the three Bazalonians to hear the Schiavonian national anthem probably because it seemed that no one could actually find it. which resulted in quite the embarressed team players.

It was now time for the match, it got off to an amazingly quick start and nearly resulted in an immediate goal for the seemingly out of no where. It was caught by Jeffery Constantine, the Bazalope keeper but the Schiavonians certainly did not mess about. The Bazalonian countered and the match went to and fro between the two teams every person was on the edge of their seats as each time it looked like someone made a stride into their opponents territory it looked like they would score but it wasn't so. Our three Micheals family where dissappointed to find that the Schiavonians got the first goal.

However this seemed to only spur the team on. In a short 10 minutes the Bazalopes where up 2-1 and it was now finally time for half-time. The teams retreated into their areas to talk strategy and get a bid of water back into them. "Wow, what a great first half"... well if the second half is anything like this I won't care who wins."said John. "Oh, be assured, the Bazalopes will win." retorted Margaret.

"Anyway, who do you reckon was the best player there?" asked Richard trying to change to subject... "Definately 'Wolfie'. Though that Schiavonian whatshisface was good to. Yeah, good game so far. " replied John. "And you Margaret. Yeah, good Benny Boy and Andrew Creek combined fairly well together. not to shabby all round." replied Margaret. "But.." added John knowing Margaret well enough that there was a But coming... "But really the Schiavonians are nothing compared to Bedistan."

"That's quite tough on the poor Schiavonian, no they are not even in the top 10 but they are still a team to respected." commented Richard. "Anyway the half time is nearly over. They are coming back onto the field."

The 2nd half started slow but it was just 10 minutes before the Bazalopes once again found their rhythm and in 5 short minutes Peter Hobble scored a goal in the 56th and 59th minute the schiavonia took advantage of a lax Bazalope defence. The Bazalopes then started to withdraw back into their own have and in penalty time the Bazalopes relaxed to the point that the Schiavonians snuck an extra goal reserving some more dignity against the Bazalope dominance.

The match was over... John was pressing forward for an autograph, not from Peter Hobble, but in-fact from Benjamin 'Benny Boy' Peters "Hey, Benny." John said handing over the texta and the replica jersey for him to sign.. "Hey!" said Benny Boy recognising John. You're the kid that won the BC Inc. competition. Congrats. Infact, tell your dad to bring you and your sister to meet me in the Lobby. in 2 hours I want to show you something." And with that he disappeared. John was very excited and so was the other 2 members of the Michaels family.

"I told you they'd win by 2." added Margaret as they felt the press of leaving this large and magnificent stadium.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bazalonia.png 4 - 2 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Schiavonia.png

Az-cz Scroll
Seraai
Il-Lur

Az-czzers come celebrating wedding, leave celebrating win

In their first ever game in a world cup, the Gnomes proved that they were not just here to make numbers. From the incredible turnout from fans in tuxedos or wedding dresses, to the audacity to bench by far their best player, to the results on the pitch, the Gnomes made it clear that they are well involved in this cup.

In the stands it seemed that the Gnomes had out travelled the fans from Casari. There was plenty of Pink & Green to be found and the Gnomes were indeed in full force. However the crowd was stunned when the teams came out of the dressing rooms and onto the pitch. By far their best player, Pizelkaxrovsky had been left out of the starting lineup. Apparently the coaches were upset with some off-field antics and benched him.

Clearly there was apprehension amongst the fans. Starting in his place was Ip-Gp. Although he was on the original Baptism of Fire roster, he had recieved very little playing time up to this point, and hadn't started even a single qualifier.

However the team looked confident and calm, all things considered. Both teams came out firing full pace. Back and forth the two teams went early. Casari nearly took the lead twice in the middle of the first half. The first shot was a blistering freekick that just whipped past the post and the second was a beautiful shot in the flow of play that Gn-Lg made an incredible save to eliminate. It looked like the game would go into half even and the Casari defenders seemed to relax just before the half. Ml-Dni noticed this and cleverly snuck forward and made a pinpoint cross to Kn-Dg who blasted the Gnomes ahead in the first half stoppage time. The stadium went absolutely bonkers at that point. Of course the Az-cz fans, but also the neutral fans were going crazy that Az-cz could take the lead into halftime.

After the half you could see the Casari team come out incredibly focused. They seemed intent on not losing to the Robbers. They pressed incredibly well and only 8 minutes into the second half they found their equalizer.

However the Pink & Green didn't get rattled. Instead Zax-Im showed his incredible leadership skills in focusing his team and the two wing midfielders showed that Az-cz has more going for it than just Pizelkaxrovsky.

Zax-Im and Hubertino really started to vacuum up the balls in the back of the midfield. You could see the Casari team start to get frustrated as they couldn't progress into the Gnomes back third. And as they started to get frustrated they started to get chippy, and pick up silly fouls and silly yellows. However the Robbers refused to be baited and just continued to control the match. Finally in the 74th minute Levesque and Kn-Dg just put on a passing clinic. They swung the ball back and forth with occasional passes to Ip-Gp or Ml-Dni who had come forward, just disecting the Casari defense. Eventually Kn-Dg found just the opening he needed to sneak into the goal area and fire home what would stand up as the game winner. Amazingly the goal game a full two minutes after they started to pass the ball around.

At this point the Gnomes made two subs, bringing on Lo-Ro for Ip-Gp and Ox-Rx for some physical toughness up front. The Tigers were clearly upset that they couldn't penetrate the Gnomes defense, but their attack which looked good for the first 55 minutes really had come apart. The Gnomes stayed calm and succeeded in milking the clock out. Amazingly they pulled off a 2-1 victory without their best player stepping on the pitch.

The game was marred by Casari's coach Hill attacking the referee. Eventually she was taken off the field by security.

The Gnomes now face Oliverry, a winner 3-2 in their match. If either team can take the full three points there, they are all but qualified. Casari plays Northern Caesarea, with both teams fighting for their lives.

Stats
Score Az-cz 2 Casari 1
Az-cz Scorers 45, 76 Kn-Dg
Possession Az-cz 56% Casari 44%
Shots Az-cz 14 Casari 11
Corners Az-cz 2 Casari 1

Demot Daily ~ What In The World?

Tricksters! Cheats!!! HELLSPAWN~!!! Yes!!! that is what our competition was today. Those devilish bastards from Liverpool England were afraid that the Dynamo might come in on a roll and topple their mighty squad, and so they were forced to use the most dispecable tricks. They hired a warlock to turn the team into pixies for the match! As the players left the lockeroom and ventured towards the pitch for their warmups, the warlock sprung his trap and used his tyrannical powers to transfigure the team into 6 inch tall pixies. With his dirty deed done, the warlock fleed from the horrific scene as security raced down the corridor. Coach Dogood tried to persuade the officials to postpone the match until the evil incarntation wore off, but they refused his request, and the team had to play as they were.

Luckily for us, the squad managed to find out how to use the pixies' inate magical abilities to thwart the Liverpool attackers, but this wasn't until the blasted Englanders had already netted in four goals past the pintsize Dynamo. The warlock on the other hand was not as fortunate, as he was aprehended by the local authorities as he tried to flee the stadium. After the disastrous match, a handful of druids came down from the stadium seats, and were able to return our squad back to their human form, while the warlock confessed that he had been hired by the football association from Liverpool England. Once again Coach Dodoog pleaded with the officials, this time to have the result replaced with a LE forfeit for compromising his teams abiltiy to compete but to no avail.

The team's slim hopes of advancing were crushed by this loss, as the purple terrors from Starblaydia look to conqueor the Dynamo next, after properly thwarting the Monk attack. The squad hopes that the former champions and number one team in the world would be more respectable and face the team head to head on the pitch without interloopers, but after what this team has gone through, they will not be suprised by anything.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Jo-El: Welcome to today's post game press conference. Here to discuss this momentous occasion are coach Hawdon, Zax-Im and today's man of the match Kn-Dg.

Hawdon: I'm so proud of these guys. Casari rolled through qualifying, and basically nobody gave us a chance. Not even our own newspapers thought we could play with them, much less beat them. But here we are celebrating a 2-1 victory, so there you go.

Az-cz reporter 1: Why did you bench Pizelkaxrovsky today?

Hawdon: To establish some basic rules of decorum. We run a pretty loose ship around here, but he crossed the line. His comments about French food and Oliverry being arrogant weren't good. And choosing the woman who was a proud criminal in Casari was worse. But making fun of Northern Caesarea for their less than perfect command is just offensive.

Az-cz reporter 2: But don't you think there were other ways to deal with the situation.

Hawdon: No. What he did was out of line. We give the players plenty of rope, and for the most part they are free to do what they like. But if they really do cross the line, we're going to reel them in. It doesn't matter who they are. The team and the nation are more important than any player. Even one as talented as Pizelkaxrovsky.

Az-cz reporter 3: Does this mean he'll be missing the Oliverry game as well.

Hawdon: No. We were very upset with what he did. But we still are quite fond of Pizelkaxrovsky. He's a bit of a nut. And can get out of hand sometimes. But he's basically a good guy. So we're disciplining him to show him and the world that what he did was wrong. But it's over with and we're moving on.

Az-cz reporter 4: What do you think of coach Hill's actions at the end of the match?

Hawdon: I think she was probably just upset that we were controlling the match. Yes a bunch more fouls were called on them, but they were comitting more fouls. That's as simple as it gets. It's out of our hands now.

Az-cz reporter 5: What was said before the game about the Pizelkaxrovsky situation?

Zax-Im: Not much from the coaches. They told us a number of hours before the game that he wouldn't be playing. I gathered the team around and gave them a bit of a speech. Ip-Gp was the most nervous. For the rest of us, we just knew we needed to play better, but he was making his first start in what appeared to be walking into the Tiger's den. He wasn't brilliant, but he played very solidly and was critical in earning the three points.

Az-cz reporter 6: What were your thoughts when Casari equalized?

Zax-Im: Mostly I just felt determined to redouble my effort. I don't think anyone panicked. By that point in the match we had shown ourselves that we belonged on the pitch. So we weren't concerned.

Az-cz reporter 7: Were you suprised by the turnout of the fans?

Kn-Dg: Not really. I'm betting a good deal of those were Vilitans. The surfing gnomes are quite popular out here. It seems like nearly everywhere I go I see Z-Boy's smiling mug on a Meaty Joe's Seafood Shack.

Frank Dee: Coach Hawdon, do you have any thoughts on Bazalonia's victory?

Hawdon: I'm very happy for them. I'm still in contact with many of the players on the team. I still have a lot of national pride and of course I'm rooting for them.

Az-cz reporter 8: Kn-Dg, how did you feel when you found the second goal?

Kn-Dg: Happy. Very happy. But of course, Casari is a great team, so we celebrated, but got quickly back to work.

Az-cz reporter 9: How do you feel about your qualification chances now?

Zax-Im: Clearly the win helps. But we're a long way from the knockout rounds. We've got to stay focused and earn a result against Oliverry.

Az-cz reporter 10: What does being the only four seed to win mean to you?

Hawdon: Nothing. It means we've still got a lot of work to do because we're not a huge power in this sport. But it's definitely a sign that we're not here on a fluke. And that's definitely nice to know that and show everyone.

Az-cz reporter 11: There are reports that there will be a joint surfing-football party later in the tournament. Is that true?

Hawdon: Yes, something of the sort maybe in the works.

Voice of the fan: Today's question comes from Bru-No of Mil-Bax. She writes "What are your impressions of Vilita so far?"

Kn-Dg: It's very nice. The food is nice, the weather is nice, the women are off the charts. I now understand why Vilitan women are known worldwide for their good looks. I'm glad we didn't get sent to the Lowland Clans, no offense to their women of course.

Jo-El: Well that's all the time for tonight. See you after the Oliverry match.

Cats Fail Against Mice

If either side was to qualify, today was an ideal time to get points, the two weakest teams of the group lacked that edge needed to get a win. Bettia's 5-2 win isn't much help, Cuation have the tough task of containing the winners while Vilita face a Milchama that should bounce back.

It was a brilliant day to play football, the sun was out, the view was breathtaking, two sets of passionate fans singing their hearts out at the beautiful Shultis stadium. When Butcher's poor cushioned back-header left Jude stranded in no man's land, Tika Massa's exquisite chip just drifted the wrong side of the post to the groans of the Strike FC fans. With only a minute gone, it looked like the game could be as good as the atmosphere.

For the first ten minutes, the home side was putting Cuation under heavy pressure with Cuation often resorting to booting the ball away in desperation only for it to come back at them. Cuation's defence stood firm and the barrage dissipated without Jude having been made to work.

Vilita, for all their possession, lacked the cutting edge then and lacked it throughout the match, for all the credit that should go to the Cuation back line, Vilita really should have made better use of the ball. Cuation meanwhile made little ground, the brilliant work of Derek Valkanis meant Fallen could not get into the game.

With Cuation's supply line cut, it was not surprising during the boring first half that the closest thing we came to a goal after the first minute miss was an accident. Downing's early cross was met by the head of Vite Makose who had mistimed his jump. Fortunately for the defender, Jawz Oaker was quick footed to get into position to collect the back header.


At that point the half time whistle blew and the players went off with the fans still singing loudly. The second half was an improvement for the first ten minutes as both sides created chances.

Another Downing cross came in but this time it found its target, the lurking Lu Fei but the tall striker could not get it down under the pressure of Ricata Tivalan, the ball ending up high and wide. A long Scott pass found Lewish, the winger cutting inside before unleashing a 30 yard drive that Jawz Oaker did well to parry.

Sandwiched between those chances, Vilita had two of their own, Esorijan Marelja forcing Jude to save at full stretch after getting past Cole for the first time that game. Iñaki Soler whipped in one dangerous low cross that Tika Massa controlled well but fired wide.

The game after that seemed to drag out into a combined effort to send people to sleep. Cuation tried to win by taking off Downing and Irwin for Speedy and Rual. The change to 4-4-2 still didn't manage to produce a goal, unable to get the ball forward and with Rual in a sulk, Cuation where perhaps worse off offensively then before.

In the 80th minute, a long ball by Cheese was flicked on by Lu Fei, the loose ball picked up by Speedy who ran inside the penalty box. Not in a position to shoot well, it seemed he would cross but he attempted to dribble past Ricata Tivalan, going down as the ball went out for a goal kick.

Cuation players believed it was a penalty but the ball had escaped the winger and no contact was made. He was fortunate to escape without a booking for his dive and soon Cuation where lucky not to concede a goal in the last minute.

The Jungle Cats never gave up and on another day, would have scored when Iñaki Soler harried Butcher of the ball and attempted to catch Jude out of position with a snap shot. Jude managed to scramble across and push the ball onto the upright, the ball spiralling up into the air with Jude's dive haven taken him out of his goal.

Grenville Marai met the ball firmly with his head but James threw himself to block the ball with his outstretched leg, a great goal line clearance. The ball squirmed around the box, falling to Tika Massa in the end, the striker's powerful effort blocked by the keeper’s legs.

0-0 was the result nobody wanted, it was the result both sides deserved. On this evidence, neither side deserves to go further but the home fans deserved so much better.

Next Match VS On Fire Bettia

Playing in blue and white, Bettia rushed past Milchama with an amazing attacking performance. A win for them against us would knock us out and send them through, if Bettia lose then it leaves Cuation in the top two and puts Bettia under pressure. A draw leaves Bettia in prime position and gives Cuation a chance of going through.

It could be seen as a prime example of attack against defence but Cuation will not just sit back, they will take any chance to counter, encouraged by a weak display at the back by Bettia. If Cledwyn Foyle plays as well as Derek Valkanis did and shut out Fallen, nobody at the Cuation Novice Press can see Cuation getting a result.

Cuation's back line must keep the wingers quiet with Butcher and Cole needing to improve a lot to succeed in that unenviable task. Another thing Cuation will need to watch out for is set pieces. Avoid conceding stupid ones, clear the ball well away from the area and if Jude comes for the ball, he must either catch it or punch it well away. Any poor clearances and Bettia will score.

Predictions? 1-0 win with Cuation grabbing an early goal and soaking up the pressure. What? A journalist can dream can't he?

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/spaam.png Spaam 3-2 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

“Oh… damn.”

After much excitement and anticipation, there was disappointment in store for Ariddian supporters at New Trafford Field, the Lowland Clans. All the PDSRA’s matches in the group stages were obviously “must wins”, but it was seen as particularly vital for the group’s second-ranked team (Ariddia) to beat the third (Spaam).

After an energetic ulek, the Rouge-et-Noirs dived straight in, and went head to head against some equally attack-focused Spaamanians. Both sides were therefore quickly obliged to mind their defence as well.

After several close calls for each team, it was Nam Hyok-Jun who scored the first goal, in the sixteenth minute, sliding the ball in skillfully after a successful Senaya tackle on Spaamanian defender Perrin. The excitement of Ariddian fans did not last long, however. By half-time, the Waffles had pulled into the lead through Trevelyan and Bice. 2-1.

After three quarters of an hour the pace of the game had not lessened. Ariddian supporters had not lost hoped, and Spaamanians did not want to count their proverbial chickens just yet. It was a balanced match, which made it all the more tense and unpredictable.

Fifty-eighth minute. Cécile Granville saves a superb free kick by Trevelyan with her fingertips. Ariddians everywhere heave a huge sigh of relief.

Sixty-second minute. Senaya shoots on goal. Spaamanian goalie Arthur dives, and just manages to punch it aside. It hits the side post. . . and bounces off. Nathalie Simon rushes in to kick it back in, but she’s beaten to it by Spaamanian defender Perrin, who clears it safely. Spactators, on the edges of their seats, sit back again with mixed sighs of relief and disappointment.

Seventy-sixth minute. Eseld Retellack finally increases the Waffles’ lead, whereas the Ariddians’ repeated attempts yield nothing. Ariddian coach Evgheny Melenciuc continues swapping tired players for fresh ones, sending in Argentier, Zandberg and La to boost the team’s energy.

In the seventy-eighth minute Dave Rider narrowed the gap (2-3), but the Rouge-et-Noirs’ continuous efforts could not bridge it entirely. It was left to the Waffles to celebrate as the whistle blew, and the Ariddians began doing to math.

It was quite simple.

“We have to beat Krytenia. And we have to thrash Aurendia. It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it,” Melenciuc affirmed.

After such high hopes, the Rouge-et-Noirs are in real difficulty. Supporters will be waiting tensely for the second match.

Monks on the Run: Who Are Ya?
Names not needed as Archregimancy fail to score

Paola Mendez and Jaime Oberlander were as happy with this scoreline as the Clansmen who were running the scoreboard didn't have to figure out what they'd have to put up on the big screen in case of The Archregimancy scoring. Thankfully for both them and Starblaydia, the monks seemingly declined to score against the former World Champions, giving the three points up to the team in white and purple.

Starblaydia bounced back from their previous match, a Four-One qualifying defeat to Quakmybush, by both keeping a clean sheet and bagging two goals. Starblaydia managed to keep their opponents from scoring in just seven of their eighteen Qualification matches for World Cup Thirty-One, which doesn't seem such a poor achievement until compared against Starblaydia's World Cup Thirty record: ten clean sheets in fourteen games to round off a one-hundred percent record in the Qualifiers.

In taking three points yesterday, Starblaydia already have one foot in the Second Round, and require only a victory against Demot, tomorrow, to secure their progression from this so-called 'Group of Death', as it contains two of the top-three teams in the world. Starblaydia's goals were scored by Kaza Matranga and Donii, their tenth and fifth goals of this campaign respectively.

Final Score
The Archregimancy 0 - 2 Starblaydia
(None) - (Matranga 35, Donii 72)

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

Warriors start World Cup with "Terror Loss"

In one of the worst possible starts to a World Cup the Milchama Warriors were outplayed, outhustled and outscored in a terrible 5-2 loss to Bettia. Despite this worrying loss there has been some optimism in the Warrior camp because it just plays into the "we lose to teams with a higher record than us and beat those with a lower record" theme of this World Cup. This of course means we should our next two games and advance. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This was a terror loss. It was a terrible game, we couldn't hold a lead, we couldn't create, and we were outplayed from start to finish. At least now our toughest opponent is gone and we should be able to concentrate on beating the easier opponents like Cuation and Vilita."
Now, considering the enormous 7 goal haul, the report on how they scored as broadcast by TV 2: "If it's not TV 2 then its probably good TV"

2nd minute: Milchama not off to a good start. Kurniawan gets the ball at the edge of the area. He's looking to cross but gets charged down by Casey Stockholm. He can't get there quick enough and it deflects off him to the box. Rhydderch is there though and Finton is forced to knock the ball out. AND IT'S RIGHT TO EURYS FFAGAN!!! Mergle comes up but he's around Mergle and Shoots! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! 1-0 Bettia. Horror start for the Warriors as Eurys Ffagan who killed them in both qualifiers strikes again to draw first blood here. It's not looking good for Milchama.

5th minute: Mergle gets the steal and knocks it out to Elana Kilinin. Kilinin needs to do something with the ball and there she is! She's past one midfielder, two now. She's onto the defense as they set up the trap but it doesn't look like its going to work. Kilinin lays it off to Kelvin Joseph who comes running through the defense. No flag! He's onside! IT'S ONE ON ONE SHOT!! GOAL!!!!! 1-1 now. A wonderful run by Elana Kilinin before she passes it off to Kelvin Joseph who cleverly beat the offside trap and easily put it past the keeper to level the game.

12-13th minutes: It's Kilinin again. She's been unstoppable so far the Bettian defense has not been prepared for this kind of speedy onslaught, if only we had Flinters now. Whatever as Kilinin sidesteps another defender and is now about 35 yards out. The defenders stay back so she slows down and passes the ball to Kary. Aaron Kary looking to go to the wing. OUCH! A late tackle by the Brazilian inspired one named Hartiyanto and its a free kick for Milchama. Marin Keffer, Aaron Kary and Barrett M. Lonnen line up over the ball, Kary ducks out, Keffer runs up and fakes taps it, the Bettians look confused as Lonnen steps up and takes the shot. It's over the walllllllll, The keeper dives HE WON'T GET THERE! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Barrett M. Lonnen with a spectacular shot and its 2-1 Milchama. Just a minute after I say we should get Flinters back he comes back and proves me wrong with a shot that Darian couldn't hit in a thousand years. Brilliant shot and its 2-1 Milchama and looking good for the Warriors. Now they just need to defend.

14th minute: The Bettians to start from the center dot. They look a little disheartened but they have plenty of time to get back that one goal. The kick goes back to Harris. The forwards are going down the field as Stephen Harris hoofs it up to apparently nobody about 30 yards from goal. Clufor getting ready to clear but a big bad Bettian has come in, looks like Barry Scott and he wins the header. Stockholm there to clear, wait no! Gwarthen Rhydderch has come out of nowhere and has gotten past Stockholm AND Mergle. It's him against Finton now and that's not a good matchup as he shoots! and scores. What a terrible defensive display by the Warriors. They had just taken the lead and only one minute later they give it back after some terrible defending. There was simply not enough urgency in the that effort. After Scott won the header Stockholm didn't do enough to clear and it cost the Warriors. 2-2.

45th minute: The first half is done and its still 2-2. After an electrifying first 15 minutes in which 4 goals were scored the game settled down, a lot. The Warriors are getting the worse of the play though and are looking to change that in the second half to get the win and a nice start in the World Cup.

57th minute: ...because they just bend over the paige*!. Haha, that's great. meanwhile the Bettians gotten a corner kick. Barry Scott to take it as he swings in a howler, to the middle of nowhere, no wait a second it looks like Sabitha will be there and he'll get it. Nobody is marking him, oh dear. He chests the ball down and shoots from the volley! IT'S IN!!! WOW!!!! What a goal by Sonny Sabitha! A one time volley from a chester into the net to give Bettia the 3-2 lead and control over this game. There was some bad marking by the Warriors but there really was nothing they could do about that shot and goal. 3-2 Aroras.

84-85th minutes: The Warriors desperately trying to find the equalizer. Kilinin to Clufor. Del Clufor makes a run as everybody comes up, and he passes. Poor pass there and its stolen by Hartiyanto. He quickly mounts the counter attack to Kurniawan. Eli Kurniawan with just Hansen and the keeper to beat. He turns inside and OH NO! Hansen has been caught out of position and made a terrible tackle. Kurniawan is lying on the ground in obvious pain and here coems the ref, its a yellow card. That might have been lucky for Hansen, anyway no time for that now as the Warriors lineup for the kick. The wall is about to be in place and there's the kick?! THAT'S CHEATING! It looks like the ref gave the go ahead as nobody on either side except for Barry Scott seemed ready as the ball went in. I mean nobody was ready at all, just look Ffagan is offside, Vaughn looks like he's in Finton's line of vision. The Warriors are protesting but to no avail, a cheap goal and its 4-2 Bettia. I really thought the Aroras had more class than that but I guess not.

88th minute: The Warriors doing the typical Milchama thing when they feel that they have been wronged, namely "accidently" knock over/slide tackle/hurt the referee is as many ways as possible. It seems that they have given up on winning the game to hurt the referee and I commend them that was a terrible call on his part to let that last goal stand. All they need to do now is score one more goal and its all even for them. Anyway its Egyrn Vaughan, one of the perpretrators of that infamous goal, with the ball on the left blank. He's being shadow chased by Martin Hansen. Hansen comes forward but Vaughan crosses the ball into a wide open center box as Gwarthen Rhydderch easily gets the header past a charging Clay Finton. Oh no! Finton looks like he's going to go to blows with Rhydderch! but Mergle has restrained him, thank god and its 4-2 Bettia.

90th minute: Milchama fell asleep at the wheel the past 5 minutes of the game but part of it was not their fault in this 5-2 loss.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Joseph 5, Lonnen 13)
Bettia 4 (Ffagan 2, Rhydderch 14, 88, Sabitha 57)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Team actually qualified for the World Cup but decided to withdraw after being hit with napalm and a tactical nuclear explosion. So until next time we wish good luck to the Team.

Also to be reported by this paper the MFA has filed an official report to take the 85th minute "goal" by Barry Scott off the charts and make it a 4-2 defeat for the Warriors.

OOC: Vil/TLC You don't actually have to respond to this.

*The first part of the joke is Why don't Internationals use bookmarks?

Cervantes sat in his room. He had been at the Revena Research Facility for over 16 years. He was a different type of person, he was ageless. Cervantes had been born over 120 years ago, but he died 50 years ago, he is what most people would call a zombie. Most people think of a zombie as a slow, dumb guy, that can’t move. Well, Cervantes is different. He could run a mile in just under 10 minutes, and he had an IQ of 106. Not dumb or slow at all. Cervantes used to be a player on the Quakmybush National Soccer Team, way before it was recognized, or even that good. However, there are records of him scoring 6 goals in a single game, a single game. Tragically he had died from a metal post through the head. This injury was suffered in a terrible goal post moving accident. Well, Cervantes was just about ready to get out of the Research Facility. “Doc, when can I get outta here?” he asked.

“Well, you should be good by the end of the week.” his Doctor said. “Are you going to go back to the soccer team?” the Doctor asked.

“Your darn right I am, that soccer team was my life until I got the… you know, pole in the head.” He replied.

“Well, that’s good to hear, because they need and want you on the team. They aren’t doing as well as they used to.” the Doctor said.

“Well, I’m going to have a snooze, I’ll see ya later.” Cervantes said.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

"TAPEGATE" OVERSHADOWS LOSS TO STARBLAYDIA
Attempts to Calm Corruption Controversy Undermined by Casari Interview

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Talks attempting to calm the growing controversy over anti-Orthodox bias in the World Cup group draw threatened to collapse this morning following the discovery in a dumpster of a tape allegedly containing what have been characterised as 'intemperate remarks' by the notoriously theologically-confused, recently arrested, and possibly mentally-disturbed apostate Casaran coach Hill.

Following the outbreak of anti-Orthodox protests in the Lowland Clans, senior MFA officials were rumoured to be sitting down with representatives of the World Cup organising committee in order to calm the war of words that threatened to dominate Archregimancy media coverage of the tournament.

Sources close to the discussions have revealed that the meeting was surprisingly cordial, and that both sides agreed to a formulation where the MFA would accept the draw had not been rigged, and would apologise for the misunderstanding, in exchange for the Lowland Clans government emphasising that the nation's Catholic hierarchy did not speak for the World Cup co-hosts, and apologising for any offence caused by the Archbishop of Portugal. So positive was the atmosphere that MFA officials were even said to be willing to overlook the Lowland Clans error in referring to the Archregimancy's coach as 'Friar' Polycarp instead of 'Father' Polycarp as an 'innocent mistake'.

The meeting broke up, however, when rumours filtered through that a media interview with the Casaran coach, where Hill recognises that her remarks are so intemperate that the tape should be 'burned', had been discovered in a Vilitan dumpster. Sources close to the MFA refused to comment further upon or reveal what the Casaran coach had actually said, but were rumoured to be demanding that the World Cup co-hosts denounce Hill for what were described as 'unhelpful remarks in the current charged atmosphere'.

Fortunately, the controversy completely overshadowed the Archregimancy's limp 2-0 surrender to Starblaydia, which leaves the world's best squad of footballing Orthodox monks needing to beat Liverpool England to stand a realistic chance of advancing to the second round.

David sighed and rolled his eyes. Sitting in a restaurant that, to the horror of the staff, most of the Hardcore Casaran contingent had decended on in an attempt to get some kind of nourishment other than... well... the kind you knew that they had had more than enough of. But after ordering, there was much more serious business to deal with.

"Hill, what the hell did you say to get the monks so mad?"

"Nothing that wasn't true." Hill said, playing with a spoon.

"Well, that's a big help."

"Oh please. I merely invited them to quit throwing the fact that they're monks in our face, play the game, and quit complaining about some kind of bias."

"And you didn't know better than that?"

"Why, it's true. They've done tons of worse things than we have. Remember the wolfman from Elrich? They wanted to kill him. Out and out kill him."

Maria nodded. "Hey, I remember that."

"Of course you do. We took, what I like to term, the rational, sane position on the matter."

David shrugged. "Victory at any cost?"

"Exactly. So now they come after me for saying that they should quit trying to throw their holiness in our faces. They hide their players from the world, try to get an advantage from the supreme being, stir up controversy at every event they happen to be at, and have the sheer nerve to demand that I be denounced for saying they should stop making an issue out of a non-issue, but calling me 'possibly mentally-disturbed'?"

Maria frowned a bit. "Well, you are a bit nuts."

"How am I any more nuts than anyone else here? I mean, we stayed up all night playing soccer in a campground for shots." Various cheers from the other booths followed. Taking the encouragement in stride, Hill finally began hitting her stride. "In fact, those very same actions that we take part in are indicitive of the very ideals we choose to live our lifes by." More cheers ensued as the staff glanced at each other, debating a request for them to leave.

"Isn't it one of our deepest-held ideas that if something bothers you, you should stand up and make an ill-fated, hopeless attempt at change instead of being a whiny punk about it? Even this claim of me possessing a mental disturbance is just a declaration of the monastic hatred of our culture as a whole! And they don't even have the respect to even address me directly over the issue! That, my friends, is the true injustice occuring here. How many Casarans have been looked down upon merely because of our ideals, or our looks, or our passion about enjoying life just a bit more than the next guy, or anything else these people seem to have against us? I say, it's time to put up or shut up!" Hill said, standing in the aisle, the fans crowding the restaruant cheering loudly.

Quietly, Maria leaned over to David. "God help us if she ever gets into politics."

"But first, I want my freaking pancakes." Hill finished, sliding into the booth as the waitress quickly brought the food, looking to get the rowdies out in a hurry while still taking their money. Pushing the traffic cone (now sporting a face drawn on with magic marker and the name Julio) to the other side of the booth, she sat down and quickly began sawing into a large stack of pancakes.

"Why the hell did you bring the traffic cone?" Maria said, taking a bit of scrambled eggs. "It's freaking me out."

"Ohhhh, we have some big plans for Julio."

David looked a bit pale, mumbling to himself before falling sideways, slumping against Maria.

"What's wrong with him?"

Maria shrugged and smacked him in the back of the head. "Fainted."

---=--=---

The reporter was even more worried the second time Hill agreed to see him, particuarly with the officals with. But the comments were remarkably short. However, Hill just stood there as David stepped forward to make a statement.

"The Casaran Soccer Authority, with the full support of the team and it's players, the Casaran fans here in Vilita, at home, and around the rest of the world, has decided to stand behind the comments of Coach Hill which were made the other day. While the remarks were clearly made off the record, The Monastic Football Association decided, of their own initiative, to acquire recordings of these off-the-record conversations and use them not to merely raise greater controversy, but to launch personal attacks against Coach Hill. As such, hoping that we are capable of reasonable and rational actions in this regard, request an apology in regards to purposefully involving the coach, team, and nation of Casari in a dispute we had no interest being involved in. Thank you."

Hill grinned. "Hah, Davey! You're going to understand what fame is really like now." she said, slapping him on the back.

David shrugged. "Put up or shut up, eh?"

"That's the way to do it."

Location: Rejistania, time after the last match of the qualification, where the Orange-Blues won 2:0 in Sel Appa, more exactly the 'running spirit and fencing bear' a mythically themed bar in Na~ovi kali, nanti kansu. After the hard task of spreading lies, half-truths and sometimes even the truth, many reporters go there to chill out, drink beer or Venketanis and talk about their work and anything else that pops up. Menek and Kitu are getting drunk together, they both know that the management plans to downsize their department and so, they drink and get annoyed about the newspaper.

Menek tells Kitu that the management still wants him to follow the Orange-Blues to Vilita despite not even wanting to give him a guarantee that he will not be fired halfway there (if journalists really could mean trouble if fired, sending them to a third-world shithole for some reason and then firing them while there is a common technique in the National). He ponders quitting this <insert expletives here> company, which <insert comment about financial situation>, <insert comment about the managers and lemurs> and also produces so much dumbness in articles that it is considered a Weapon of Mass Destruction in 70 countries.
Kitu does not agree with the plans, being in Vilita as rejistanian journalist to follow the Orange-Blues can not be wrong and if the fire him, there are many newspapers who would pay for the articles. Why not starting for the National and if things will turn out too bad, jetesa to a better company?
The politician surely Syku Alea thought of situations like that when he said: "Alcohol is a danger to society because of all the crappy ideas, which suddenly appear good." But well, Menek Salimutene followed the Orange-Blues to Vilita despite his concerns about some of the methods the Na~ovi National normally requires.

Later:

The Oceanic Star is a small hotel, a bit hidden from the public view. It is a rejistanian-owned hotel and therefore the only hotel in Vilita where one can get a decent breakfast. It is the place, where the rejistanian national team stays. Menek Salimutene started to observe what was happening there. He followed the Lasane when they departed for training, actually made some photographs of Viskore making a rude gesture. and he realized this weird person often being near the team. There are many weird persons in Vilita but this one was special: he seemed to know soap but being sure the concept has no future. He wears clothes which look as if he was in a lab and he looks like a rejistanian. Some small things indicate that, like theportable Vajane computer, he is carrying with him. Either he is a journalist or a dangerous weirdo. He exchanged a few words with this person, who called himself Kansu Jenji. Kansu explains the reporter that that he is hjust a normal fan of the Orange-Blues. And that he would do anything to help the Orange-Blues win the World cup. His eyes glare fanatically at this.

News item and commentary from the Kanooka Creek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Kanooka_Creek) People’s Daily

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SUNSHINE + BEDISTAN = OUCH!

POTOROOS AFFLICTED BY ENFORCED ABSTINENCE
Jlinal, Vilita. In uncomfortable and embarrassing circumstances yesterday afternoon at the Jlinal Cove Complex in Vilita Errinundera went down to Bedistan 4-1 with hardly a whimper. The Bedistanis again showed their ability to assess an opponent’s weakness and exploit it to the full. In the previous encounter during qualifying they took advantage of Errinundera’s inability to match them in the air from corner kicks. This time they played a physical game with many collisions and borderline tackles. The thinking behind the ploy was quite simple: the potoroos were suffering from severe sunburn. Because of the Errinundrian customary nudity you could say there were red faces all round.

Errinundera is a rainforest nation – mists or clouds or rain may well hide the sun for weeks on end. It is also a landlocked nation (with the exception of the recently re-discovered Cuttlefish Island that none of the team have ever visited).

Vilita is a tropical nation – this being the dry season the sky is blue and the ocean is crystal clear. Errinundrians are mesmerised by oceans. So there you have it: an idyllic beachside location, a propensity for nudity, hot sun, a cultural ignorance of the properties of solar radiation and it all adds up to some very sensitive skin.

Unfortunately this could not be kept secret. After their assignations with the potoroos in the qualifying rounds the young men and women of the Bedistani team were looking forward to their encounters with the potoroos. Under ordinary circumstances the men, women and genderqueers of the potoroos would have felt the same way about their forthcoming opponents. To the surprise and consternation of the Bedis no pre-game encounters eventuated and the reason quickly became apparent. A hastily arranged team meeting of the Bedistanis just before the match established the game plan – slap the Errinundrians around a bit and they would quickly submit. “That sort of behaviour is fine in bed,” moaned captain silvu, “but on the football field it’s sadistic.” Unsurprisingly the potoroos quickly became ball-shy.

There was one bright spot (other than Errinundrian skin) and that was rookie lyseup’s second goal in as many international games. “This time she didn’t get any help from me,” says a proud and angelic genderqueer deputy vice captain, rosaniel. “She tackled a Bedistani, stole the ball, shot from a standstill and scored. By the way, could you try and cut down on the number of modifiers you use when mentioning me. Isn’t my name enough?”

GROUP G

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Bedistan 4

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Errinundera 1
(lyseup 61)


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Spruitland 0
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Rejistania.png
Rejistania 4

For the many Ariddia and Spaam fans in Errinundera here are the results of Group B

GROUP B

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Krytenia 2
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Aurendia 1


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Spaam 3
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Ariddia.png
Ariddia 2

The Schiavone Scribe
A Guide To Schiavonia

It seems, following reports of Schiavonia's game against Bazalonia from Bazalonian sources (or shall we call them Bazalone, seeing as they call us Schiavonian), that knowledge about Schiavonia internationally is obviously not good at all.

The report on the game was done as if Bazalonia were playing what is generally termed as a "non-RPing n00b", although what that means, I have no idea. Despite participating since World Cup 26, apparently nobody knows who we are. Indeed, it seems that the two teams played in two seperate games, although both ended up in four-two wins for the team on the scoreboard known as Bazalonia.

For starters, the Schiavone report included details of a sending off with thirty minutes remaining and the score at 3-2. However, in the Bazalone report, the score with half an hour left was 4-1, while no mention of Eric Berry's sending off was mantioned anywhere.

Then, most insulting of all was the fact that the Bazalone report refused to recognise the playing of Schiavonia's national anthem, claiming it was lost. Take it from us, the Schiavone team wouldn't have played if they considered such a bias towards one team. Even if it was their own.

So anyway, for those who know nothing about Schiavonia (that seems like almost all of you), here's a quick guide to who the bloody hell we are.

Schiavonia is a collection of forty-six islands in the North-East of region known as The League. Our neareset neighbours geographically are Anastasiania, Collonie, Rejistania and The Garbage Men.

Our flag contains three horizontal stripes of orange, dark red and orange again, and are in colours known as royal orange and Schiavone red. The stripes represent the colours of the royal family. In the top left of the flag are forty-six yellow crosses on a red background, representing the forty-six islands.

The word describing something or someone from Schiavonia is Schiavone, not Schiavonian, Schiavoni or anything else. The only acceptable shortened versions are the Schias or the 'Vones.

The current King of Schiavonia is King Francesco. He is most famous because it was under his reign that football became popular, and so the national stadium is named after him.

The Schiavone calendar has only existed since the formation of the nation under the monarch King James, and so the current year (as of World Cup 31) is 124. Before that, Schiavonia was a set of independent islands and collonies.

The Schiavone national anthem is entitled 'Viva Schiavonia', and is a mixture of calypso music featuring strings. The instrumental version is usually played at sporting events, although some Schiavone fans like to make their own words up.

Schivone people hold friendliness and honesty as very important characteristics of their personalities. Anyone found to be unfriendly or dishonest will become publicly outcast by the people.

Although Schiavonia's official religion is Catholicism, the government don't really care what religion people are, or even if they have one or not. The naturally relaxed nature of the people means that everyone gets on alright anyway.

Despite being a relatively well advanced nation technologically, there are two areas in which technology hasn't been developed, mainly because there is no need for them to be. Firstly, the only motorised transport in Schiavonia are boats. Travelling across the same island must be done on foot or by bicycle. Secondly, there are no technologically advanced weapons, so if we ever end up in a fight of sorts, it's spears, swords and pointy sticks for us.

Our capital city is Kingsbury. It is home to almost a quarter of all Schiavones.

Our economy is not the most developed in the world, with the majority of people not particularly well off. However, levels of poverty are low.

Despite being a member, the Schiavone government hold the UN in disregard as they do not trust them. As a result, they like to play tricks on UN officials visiting Schiavonia to confuse them. Hence why many people don't know as much as they might about our nation.

Despite having an elected government, the leader of the country is the king, who is given an annual vote of confidence.

Schiavonia has a tropical climate, with dry and rainy seasons. Sports are largely played in the dry season. In the rainy season, the most common sports in the country are foreign football and darts.

Despite travelling around the country in boats, most Schiavones can't swim.

Schiavonia is famous for it's music. It is amongst the worst in the world.

In rural areas of Schiavonia, many youngsters can often be seen travelling around on street luges and street bobsleigh. However, this is highly dangerous, and over 2,000 Schiavones are injured a year doing it.

Two percent of Schiavones are cross-eyed.

Schiavonia's population is a thousand times less than on the official national description. It is currently almost 24 million.

According to a popular rumour, Schiavonia is linked to the nation of Druida, who participated in some World Cups a while back. The truth is that we're not anything to do with them. Although a writer of The Schiavone Scribe once wrote for their publication The Daily Druid. However, that was twenty years ago. He's not here any more.

We do like a drink, though.

However, we are linked to the nation of Socialist Romanistan, who participated in this World Cup. They operated out of northern Kingsbury.

Schiavonia's main sporting rivals through history have been with Rejistania, The Islands of Qutar and Northern Caesarea. Two of them are friendly rivalries, but we can't stand the liars of Northern Caesarea as they never apologised and showed a similar ignorance of the Schiavone nation as Bazalonia seem to. We'd hate to see you in a similar light, because sales of those Super Dude comics would go through the floor.

Well, that should do it for now. We hope that you might know us a bit better. Maybe the Bazalonians could know more about teams they are playing before they go ahead and write about them as if they are one of these "non-RPing n00bs".

Sitting in his office with his morning tea and buscuit, Daniel Davies would normally enjoy his morning. However, on this morning, he had to deal with the Orthodox monks of the Archregimancy. The room had already been swept twice with bugs and his computer had been removed from the room. However, they didn't have enough money or time to sound proof the room before he came into the office this morning. After he arrived, there was a long stream of screams, cursing, and something breaking. Thankfully, it was just a stapler, though it was grotesquely distorted, so the staff was glad it wasn't the vase that his wife had gotten him for Christmas last year.

At the end of the tirade, he yelled through the door at his secretary Margaret to get him Gavin Doliaque half-an-hour ago. Chuckling to herself, she turned to the door as Doliaque walked in the office. "I heard him, don't worry about it, I got this covered." He said as he walked confidently into Davies' office. Margaret chuckled. These young 'uns, they've got no idea how things work around here. She went back to her computer and opened up the listings of the world press reports.

"Now lets see who will fail today..."

Doliaque walked into the office and greeted Daniel. "So what happened now? I thought the talks with the MFA officials went pretty well." Davies slid the paper across his desk. The Casaran coach Hill had decided to go mouth off and the Casaran Soccer Authority was going to back him in his complaints against the Monastic Football Association.

"So what in the name of all that is sacred and holy are we going to do?"

"Well," Davies said, "I'm half-inclined to support the CSA, but we just got over this thing with the MFA because of the Archbishop, but I think we should stay out of it. The last thing we need is more controversy in this cup. How the hell are the media supposed to cover the Galaxy?"

"Agreed. We issue a statement of neutrality, declaring that this is a dispute between the two associations. Behind the scenes, we support the Casarans. I'm really getting sick of all this complaining. I just don't want anybody to kill anybody here."

"Alright, so do you need help cleaning up this office?" asked Doliaque.

"Yeah probably."

The Daily Quak
Quakmybush's Longest Running Daily Newspaper
Insert Witty Title Here

Well, that title says it all about this match, dull and boring. The Sharks played co-host, The Lowland Clans to a 1-1 draw. This match saw little offense, and little action. The Galaxy came out flying in front of their home crows. Obviously this was an advantage for the club. In the 41st minute they struck gold. Silas Mcginney came streaking down the wing, he then let a shot go and it got passed Cam Carroll. This made it 1-0 The Lowland Clans. The Sharks went into the locker room down 1-0. Something Coach Greg Hughes said during the break must have sparked the team, they came out ready to play. The team had a few chances, but it was in the 63rd minutes when they finally capitalized. Cory Sorley came down the middle, he then fed a streaking Jon Fields, Fields made no mistake and made it a 1-1 game. Then for the last 27 minutes the game nothing happened. The game ended 1-1. This is a good start for the Sharks, they will take on Schiavonia, who got hammered at the hands of Bazalonia 4-2. The Sharks will hope to make it to four points and get closer to a spot in the final 16. The game will be played later tonight. Here is an interview with coach Greg Hughes. "How do you think you guys played?" a reporter asked.

"I think we played quite well, coming out against a team in their own stadium, going down a goal, and then coming back. This game shows that we have a ton of character." Hughes replied.

"How has Jon Fields been performing?" another reporter asked

"He is are best player, no questions asked, well accept that one, he will continue to help the team for years." Hughes replied.

"What is your strategy for Schiavonia?" a third reporter asked

"Well, we really don't use strategy, so I guess it would be go out and score more goals then they do." Hughes said.

"How about your chances for a birth into the round of 16?" a fourth reporter asked.

"Well, it's tough to say now, however, after tonight's game, the picture will become a bit more clear. Thank you for your time." Hughes replied as he left the podium.

Konigseifert Chronicle
Psychoes Go on Rampage
Squornshelous defeats Geisenfried handedly in first WC game

To put it simply: it wasn't the way they wanted to start off. Opening up in the Morata Valley, Geisenfried started off by crashing hard against a very strong Squornshelous team, who at the end of the match had the scoreboard lit up 3-0 in their favor. As the other two teams drew 4-4, Geisenfried now cannot afford to lose their next game to Commerce Heights, as that would knock Geisenfried from the World Cup. Two straight wins from Squornshelous would also benefit Geisenfried's now slim chances to continue on.

The game got off to a relatively bad start for the Golden Eagles. Squornshelous pressed hard quickly, and it paid off near the 15-minute mark when the Psychoes' Khabarov put where Karl Hettich couldn't reach, making it 1-0 Squornshelous. Another 15 minutes later and Squornshelous was breathing down Geisenfried's neck once again, and Khabarov put it in for his second to put the Psychoes up 2-0. The Psychoes then began to play a bit more defensively, and it showed with Geisenfried's inability to pull off any offensive opportunities. The match remained quiet until the 72nd minute, when Squornshelous' Petrov saw an opportunity and made it 3-0, sealing the coffin for the Golden Eagles.

Squornshelous: 3
Geisenfried: 0
Khabarov (SQN, 13'), Khabarov (SQN, 28'), Petrov (SQN, 72')

Geisenfried goes next to Lirai Asku Castle in Yeaddin to face Commerce Heights' Capitalizt SLANI team.

Schedule
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Squornshelous.png 3-0 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Geisenfried.png
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Commerce_Heights.png ?-? http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Geisenfried.png
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Geisenfried.png ?-? http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Turori.png

Tables
Nation W L D P GF GA GD
Squornshelous 1 0 0 3 3 0 +3
Commerce Heights 0 0 1 1 4 4 +0
Turori 0 0 1 1 4 4 +0
Geisenfried 0 1 0 0 0 3 -3

The Schiavone Scribe
A Guide To Schiavonia

*snip*



"Schiavone called Schiavonians?" by Nev Gould

In an a weird news story today apparently The Schiavone Scribe, the most prominent Internationally received newspaper from Schiavonia have accused us, the Fauxhan Daily of a number of things. Firstly calling the Schiavones, Schiavonians. Let me re-assure that no reporter from this paper had refered to Schiavonia as Schiavonians. However, it has been reported by a number of sources that John Michaels, winner of the BC Inc.'s SuperHero competition had made a number of references to Schiavones as Schiavonians. And we have had information that he is holding a press conference soon, in The Lowland Clans at which he will apologise to the Schiavone football team and all Schiavone spectators.

As for The 4-1 score incident, apparently a reporter got a fictional match report from a Schiavone-Based online game, Nationstates.scv, mixed up with our real match report. Only 100 copies of this false report had been printed and it had been thought that all the copies had been located and destroyed how ever it seems a copy had made it's way into the hands of The Schiavone Scribe. All previous papers printed had the correct match report printed, which included a brief mention about the sending off of Eric Berry. The previous fake report that had been printed did however not include Eric Berry.

As for the "losing" of the national anthem, I do not know what to say, the City International Stadium representatives have neither confirmed nor denied what had actually happened. All I know is that in one section of 110,000 stadium it could not be heard, incdently the same section that the Michaels family was in. Someone probably assuming that indeed the Schiavone National Anthem had been lost made an inappropriate statement at the wrong time and as such was made to represent the official position of this newspaper which under strict laws that ensure verification of any story printed in Bazalonia would assure that no such story be printed.

All possible measures had been made to publish and report correct details on the behalf of our newspaper. And on a side note, personally, not in anyway related to the view of this newspaper. I like the Schiavone anthem better than the Bazalonian one.

....

"Sorry, I didn't know. I'm just so used to saying Bazalonian that I automatically without thinking said 'Schiavonian' instead of the proper 'Schiavone'. I did not mean to offend but I am deeply sorry for all the hurt I caused. I hope we can get past this and focus back on the World Cup. Thank you."

OOC: I was typing up the report as you had posted. And so I didn't see it also it was from the point of view of the boy who probably would have easily made the mistake.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Capitalizt Weakness ensures Turori Draw

The people of Turori had waited long for this moment. Their beloved national team, the Eels, was back in the World Cup finals. It was Turori's first appearance in Nationstates premier sporting event since their quiet exit from the World Cup 28 finals, the last of which was participated in by regular Turorian citizens. Ever since that defeat, The Football Association of Turori began on a new path. A path which, after many many matches, has finally resulted in the return of Turori to the ultimate stage in competitive sporting. This new path replaced citizens with Cocoabo's, with so much effort going into the proper training of those Cocoabo's that Turori's opted out of World Cup 29 to focus on their World Cup 30 campaign. It did not go well for the Eels in World Cup 30, missing out on qualification and only advancing one knockout match into the Cup of Harmony. But, it appeared that practice makes perfect, and with one campaign behind them, the new-look Turori National Team romped through World Cup 31 qualification, clinching a spot with games to spare and finishing second amongst their 10-nation qualifying group. It is that performance which led the Eels to the Lirai Asku Castle, just a stones throw from the Turori shores in Yeaddin, Vilita. The opposition for the Eels: The Unifieid Capitalizt States, formerly known as Commerce Heights.

the Capitalizt SLANI, the largest capitalizt spoprts organization and a subsidiary of the CHEAT Alliance, is the body responsible for fielding a team for the World Cup 15 champions. But it didn't appear that much CHEATing was required for the Unified Capitalizt States to pull out a result on matchday 1. Turori, left to rely on a debutant player, Cocoabo number six hundred ninety three, in its defensive line, look disorganized and certainly not prepared for a match of this calibre, against such quality opposition. Unfortunately for the match commentators, the opening goal would come from a player who's name looked more like the bottom half of a character map on a shirt. During the post match interview, the player was referred to as "Demitris" when verbally addressed, so it is not currently known what the reason for the pictographs was, but either way, the player with the pictures and shapes on his kit netted the opener for the Capitalizt SLANI. It was relief for the commentators when this same player opted to play the unselfish pass to the more difficult to say, but actually legible Włodzimirz Tokay for the tap in goal that would put the SLANI 2-0 up with just 19 minutes gone. Turori's Cocoabo's, on the other hand, looked on pace to be more fried chicken then chocolate truffle on this day. Some cheers came from the Turori support when Cocoabo number 11 was able to strike an effort from 35 yards out, the most penetration any Cocoabo had achieved in space on the day, though the effort was well wide and the SLANI goalkeeper, Friedel Kuban-Schnellfrieder, mocked the Cocoabo by stick his hands down his pants, bending over and then knocking himself to the ground. Unfortunately for Kuban-Schnellfrieder, this act also resulted in the games first yellow card from Quakmybushian referee Viacheslov Kinauoskasytzsaykagasichev. It was at this point in the match that the commentators threw their their headsets to the ground and walked out of the booth, leaving the match commentaryless for Turorian's on the night.

The SLANI would make it 3-0 before half time, and thankfully the commentators had already left as the goal was scored by three hats and some sideways l's, a substitute striker who wore the shirt numbered 15 who remarkably netted on his first touch of the game after Alejandro Bolufero was removed, presumably because the crowd began taunting him, being the easy one to pick on as one of the few pronouncable names in the squad for the Capitalizts. Turorian coach Jualiar Vumaou did not appear to have much to say at the half, and no changes for the Eels indicated that Vumaou himself had given up on attempting to solve the SLANI side. Just for good measure, the side-ways L player with the hats scored a second goal, putting the Capitalizt SLANI up 4-0 and en route to an easy victory over their lowly Turorian counterparts. But thats when fate stepped in. Fate, in this case, being a checkbook. While they love their sport, the Capitalizt SLANI love their money just a little bit better. On his way out the door, a prominent Turorian businessman with interests all around Atlantian Oceania and beyond, decided to stop at the bathroom. As he relieved himself, a man in a suit stood next to him doing the same. After some awkward discussion, the Turorian business man, preparing the zip and turn, made one last passing comment.
"Well, If I could buy the Eels this win, I would, but I don't think even that could help them!"

Walking away, the man in the suit replied "Well, what if that could be arranged?"

The relationship between the two urinal buddies quickly intensified, and, as the game continued on just 35 yards from where they sat, the two men agreed on a deal. The suited man had turned out to be one of the top representatives for the Capitalizt SLANI. By nature, he didn't mind sacraficing a couple of meaningless points that weren't going to matter in the final standings anyway, when he could get cold hard cash instead. After dotting confirmation that the money had been transferred the two men shook hands. Then, the man in the suit walked to the side of the pitch and got the attention of SLANI Assistant Coach Tanya Martinez. With just 16 minutes left in the match, it was going to be tough to make it look believable, but they were going to try their best. As the match entered the 87th minute, Cocoabo Number 29 walked in all alone from the right hand side, and the weakly placed shot trickled past the keeper, who dramatically 'tripped' while positioning himself for the save, and the 4-4 goal was in the back of the net. The crowd, unawares of the circumstances, were notable ecstatic. Meanwhile, the Turorian businessman, satisfied with his purchase, removed himself from the stadium before any fingers could be pointed.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png Turori Eels 4
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png Unified Capitalizt States 4




http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story
The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43) :: [0] :: Vumaou's Flock Returns Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83) :: [0] :: Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94) :: [1] :: Flock downs Lexington Cats (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828693&postcount=141) :: [2] :: Checkpoint Karela: Achieved (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832859&postcount=177) :: [3] :: Checkpoint Karela: Failed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838009&postcount=219) :: [4] :: Topia Roped: Eels Breathe at Top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842118&postcount=255) :: [5] :: Lovisa Lose. Turori Win. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11846814&postcount=295) :: [6] :: Vumaou's Flock in Viking Raid (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11851620&postcount=334) :: [7] :: Point Taken, Death and the Dreams that follow. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11856310&postcount=375) :: [8] :: Disterfred Supports Ariddian Stance (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11861689&postcount=407) :: [9] :: Flock in Florida Falter (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11869660&postcount=444) :: [10] :: Flock Back on Top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11875294&postcount=485) :: [11] :: Six Returns as Flock net Four in BBQ Roast (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11879759&postcount=513) :: [12] :: Defense Collapses as Eels Fall to Second (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11882406&postcount=542) :: [13] :: Naked Topian's Left Limp (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11888865&postcount=580) :: [14] :: Vumaou no show Lovisa lose Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11893258&postcount=606) :: [15] :: Vikings Sunk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11896164&postcount=627) :: [16] :: Unbeaten No More (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11901186&postcount=654) :: [17] :: Flock Plijing to Vilita (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11906587&postcount=680) :: [18] :: We Present to thee, Cocoabo Six-Hundred Ninety Three! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11912165&postcount=711) :: [MD0] :: Flock Squorned in Group Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11921448&postcount=743) :: [MD1] :: Capitalizt Weakness ensures Turori Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11930958&postcount=780)

Attack scores again
The Liverpool England attack once again showed its prowess in the World Cup, thumping Demot 4-0 in its first match despite claims of illegal hiring of funny little warlocks to overcome the elves, a claim Marc Newells has strongly denied.

Regardless, a 4-0 win only served to reinforce that the Liverpool England attack is not one to be taken lightly - the team has now scored 82 goals in 19 games in both the World Cup Qualifiers and World Cup proper. In fact, we'll have a little competition. All our readers, from all over the NationStates world, are welcome to participate. How many goals will Liverpool England score, in how many games? And how many goals scored per game on average will the offence of Liverpool England accumulate?

Current tally
Goals: 82
Games: 19
GF/game: 4.32

The winning contestant, with the closest answer to the actual result, will win a year's free subscription to this newspaper, as well as a very rare signed World Cup ball, one of three used in the World Cup 22 final between Sarzonia and Oaker.

The Aeropag Tribune—Watch ATSN for superior video quality and high-endurance announcers!

Sports: Capitalizts blow four-goal lead to draw Turori
YEADDIN, VILITA—In their first match of World Cup 31 play, Capitalizt SLANI took the biggest lead in the World Cup proper for a Capitalizt team—and then threw it away. But what happened during the game has been overshadowed by a Turorian media report alleging that Mirco Rezler, vice-president of football operations for SLANI, accepted a bribe from an unidentified Turorian in exchange for having the Capitalizts throw the match. Apparently, this practice is frowned upon in many influential WCC member nations, and some sportswriters have called for the WCC to investigate the matter.
But anyway, there was a football game. For some reason, one of the cocoabos on the Turorian squad had the number 693 on its kit—some people suspect that 3wide Designs produces three-digit kits for every team, and that this practice is the cause of their current “teal shortage.” In the 11th minute, a poor clearance by this cocoabo resulted in a goal for Δημήτρης Σκαλκώτας (Dīmī́trīs Skalkṓtas), putting the Capitalizts up 1–0. Just eight minutes later, Włodzimirz Tokay managed to add to the lead, scoring the second goal of the match off of a pass by Σκαλκώτας. Later in the first half, cocoabo 11 struck the ball from over 30 meters out to try to put the Eels on the board, though the effort was well wide.
Capitalizt goalkeeper Friedel Kuban-Schnellfrieder then mocked the cocoabo for the miss, earning him a yellow card from referee Viacheslov Kinauoskasytzsaykagasichev. Apparently, the names of Capitalizt players had been causing some difficulty for the commentators from Turori, who left the press box in protest after the yellow card due to their inability to pronounce the name of either the referee or the keeper.
Alejandro Bolúfero, prolific goalscorer for both Sonoma Center and the Capitalizts, left the match goalless in the 38th minute after a pair of missed shots that caused the Turorian crowd to begin taunting him. Since Albin Krišanović had already missed four shots, one of which was far enough off to give the Eels a throw-in, it is unknown why they reacted so strongly to Bolúfero’s bad luck. He was replaced by 추손준 (Çu Son-jun), who was one of the UCS’s best pitchers in an obscure sport known as “baseball” before joining the Capitalizts. Though he appeared to be a bit fat for a football player, it was soon realized that he had smuggled some odd objects onto the field, colorfully described by one Turorian publication as “three hats and some sideways l’s.” When Tserkesidis passed the ball to him, he kicked it up into the air and threw the objects at it, knocking it into the goal for 3–0. Apparently, the fog was sufficiently thick or the referee was sufficiently bribed that the goal was allowed to stand. con’t on page 2a

Final score:
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/COM/ Unified Capitalizt States (SLANI) 4
Σκαλκώτας 11, Tokay 19, 추손준 41, 70
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/TUR/ Turori 4
cocoabo #19 79, #22 82, #11 84, #29 87

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World Cup XXXI Preview
The definative guide to the World Cup



Group B

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Krytenia.png - Krytenia
The Aces are looking as strong as ever, with a comfortable qualifying campaign and should look to go far, and should easily win the group, with Ariddia and Spaam not posing much of a problem. Definately a condender to reach at least the semi-finals and perhaps reach the final.

Player to watch out for: Samuel Duffy

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Ariddia.png - Ariddia
After topping their group in qualifying the founders of the World Cup look to be in great shape, however will face tough matches against Krytenia and Spaam and could fail to progress if they trip up against Spaam. But with Aurendia in the group perhaps Ariddia's offence may come in handy for goal difference.

Player to watch out for: Hanifah Kyaw

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Spaam.png - Spaam
After a reasonably successful qualification, definately better than in World Cup XXVIII, they are looking to progress something a fomer footballing power has yet to achive in a long while, however don't count this team out as some upsets in qualifying proved.

Player to watch out for: Tehta Trevelyan

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Aurendia.png - Aurendia
The relative unknowns of the group with this being their first ever time to make it past qualifying at the expense of the Tadjikistan Tigers. They have shown that they can score goals, and they aren't the most leaky at the back and may not be the drubbing boys of the group, keep an eye out for this team they'll do better than you think.

Player to watch out for: Bart Sheriff

Page 2

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Group C

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/New Montreal States.png - New Montreal States
Looking good in qualifying but a few upsets have shown that the Paladins have weaknesses that can be exploited. However they should proceed to the next phase without too much of a problem although might not make it past the Second Round. But when in form the team is a powerful force to be reckoned with.

Player to watch out for: Racker Barnslow

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The Islands of Qutar.png - The Islands of Qutar
Well we've had our most successful qualifying performace ever only marred by Davies' decision to rest the entire first team for a couple of matches, but other than that we're looking in fine shape. We should be looking to make it to the Second Round for the third consecutive time. But Jeruselem should be watched closely if we don't want them to snatch our place in the next round.

Player to watch out for: Stefanos Armaos

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Jeruselem.png - Jeruselem
Coming a clear second in the group, and not conceeding too many goals along the way, however a high number of draws many less goals shows that the Jeruselem offence may be lacking the teeth to finish the game off. But don't count them out, this isn't Jericho the walls come come tumbling down so easily.

Player to watch out for: Kate Bush

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Qazox.png - Qazox
I can sum up what we should go all gun blazing into this match in four simple words; They beat Starblayida, badly. Any team that does that to Starblaydia needs keeping both eyes on, they could be the dark horse of this World Cup perhaps going much further than anyone would have ever guessed at the start of qualifying.

Player to watch out for: Hugh Dansie

Page 3

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Abide by the Teal :: Part III - The Three Kits


Distracted by all the goings on with hosting the World Cup for the first time in 9 campaigns, Rory Issah and the Football Association of Vilita accidentally forgot to order the kits for the World Cup Finals. Having supplied everything in preparation for the world cup, 3wide Designs of Lonngeylin, Vilita's official supplier, did not have enough teal remaining to provide the National Team kits, leaving the Vilitan's to outsource to other kitmakers within the region. The task was left to an assistant in Rory Issah's office, and just hours before matchtime, Issah realized no kits had yet arrived.



Where the hell have you been! It's been days! We have a match in an hour and a half!

Don't worry, I come with kits!

Where'd you get them from?

Three places.

Three?

Yes, I figured I'd give us a choice just in case.

Okay, that's fair. But what did you go get them yourself or what? Did you walk there?!

Well, I got them from other nations in Atlantian Oceania. Oliverry, Krytenia and Casari.

Casari? Are you mad? They have the ugliest kits in the cup!

Well, They showed me a prototype, and I thought it looked nice enough.

Alright. Lets see it then.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/cas.gif


Are you mad? That is a blatant rip off of our real kits. What is that crap? And wheres the Orange on the white kit?

Well, it has Teal!

It needs Orange too! What unoriginality on this one. We are NOT wearing this. The quality of the kit is pathetic. We may as well wear T-shirts and boxers on this one.

Well, we've still got the Oliverrian and Krytenian kits.

Stop saying well. We'll use them both.

Both, sir?

Yes, use one in the match against Cuation and one in the match against Milchama. If we advance, whichever one we get the best result in, we'll use.

Sir, what about the Bettia game?

You 'ought to know about the Bettia game.

Red, Sir?

Yes, you can give 3wide Designs a call. Take these ugly Casarian things with you too, maybe they can scrap them up and use the teal in the trim for the red kits or something.

Alright sir, will do.

The assistant, having just got in on a flight from Krytenia, set off for the short trip accross to Lonngeylin where the Vilita National Team was preparing to square off for its opening match of the campaign against cuation, still unsure what they would be wearing for the event.

It's about time, geez, making us worry about something as meaningless as the damn kits just hours before the match.

Sorry Jimmy, we messed up, these are the kits for todays match, there is another kit on its way up, you will use that one against Milchama.

Different kits?

Yes, then We'll be getting Red kits for the Bettia match.

Of course, as expected.

Right, so all set then?

Sounds good, thanks.

Jimmy Kater, Vilitan Assistant Manager and Hall of Fame Goalkeeper opened up the first box.


What the...

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/otc.gif


Well, not exactly what I was expecting. Ah, theres a change kit in here too, thats nice. Hey Callum!

Yes?

Which one do you like better?

I kind of like the one with the little bit of white, don't you?

Yea has a bit more structure than the all teal one. Not my favorite kit to be honest with you, but we're supposed to be wearing it, and as long as it's got teal we'll know who we are.

Yup. Come on, leave it to the attendants to hang up for the players, lets go down to the fitness room.



It was a less than spectacular outing for the Oliverrian kits designed by supplier OTC. The 0-0 draw with Cuation left much to be desired, and, should Vilita advance to the next round of competition, it may require a victory against Milchama, in the JMC designed kits, to get there. The JMC kits, still sitting sealed in their box with a design unknown to anyone other than the lone assistant who ordered them, patiently awaited their chance to outshine their rival strip.



To be continued....


Abide by the Teal ::
Part I - The Teal Shortage (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11921868&postcount=745)
Part II - The Magic Map (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11922274&postcount=749)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Coverage

New-Look Galaxy Excel, Look for Upset Over Bazalopes
Julius Pavelovich

GRAHAM CITY - After playing beneath a full house yesterday, the Galaxy looked like a team that was ready to play on the big stage. The house was packed with the blue and white Galaxy supporters, and the sound of the national anthem being sung could be heard for about half a mile away from the stadium. They came out on fire. The pace of the game was outstanding, and the Galaxy used it to there advantage, using their highly attacking 4-4-2 and attacking fullbacks to pressure the constantly attack the goal. Elliot Deldier is still as fleet-footed as ever, and Amalido Joeira looked dangerous and composed despite his young age. The real man of the match though, was Silas McGinney.

His play was a real inspiration to the home crowd. He created several chances through sheer determination and his calming influence and excellent decision making was visible on the field quite easily. Casey Dellet was bubbling after the match about his play. "Silas is really looking up. His head is in the game all the time, even off the ball. He will definitely go far." While that is up in the air, there have been cries to get Silas to a competitive league system. With the uncertainty surrounding the Allied States domestic football, Silas, whose Grand Captiva squad have been languishing in the Premiership after a fine start to their careers, declared that he would play where he would play. "Nothing has been decided yet, but I would like to stay here if the Federation can keep the domestic league running, but I'm willing to go elsewhere."

His crowning achievement was his goal just prior to half-time, after receiving a cross from James Mackingley, he blew through the right side with a powerful sprint, and placed his goal perfectly into the top corner. Things however, wouldn't look up from there on. The Sharks, who had been timid up until this point, finally came out with some fire, balancing the game out with some attack on the other end. The Sharks had a couple of quality chances, but finally put it in after a defensive lapse by Jurgensen, who allowed Jon Fields to sneak in open and receive a pass from Sorley. Fields then placed it in the back of the net. The rest of the game settled down, though Ryley Bloudin rattled the crossbar on a shot from about twenty-five yards out.

"I was quite pleased with the way the boys handled themselves, like true professionals. I hope Bazalonia is ready for a challenge."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans ..:: 1-1 ::.. Quakmybush http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quakmybush.png

------------------------------------

"Julius, did you even read the QMB match report?" asked Rachel Masters.

"No, why?"

"Well, apparently they thought it was a boring one-one draw."

"Did they even watch the same game we did?"

"I dunno, maybe they are takilan."

"I doubt it, but oh well, they are Bushian, or Bushese, or whatever they call themselves?"

"Maybe Bushe?"

"You mean like the Schiavone?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think that the Schiavonians are a little weird for insisting on that odd name.

"Schiavone, Julius."

"Whatever."

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World Cup XXXI Preview
The definative guide to the World Cup



Group D

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Liverpool England.png - Liverpool England
They can certainly score goals, with an astounding 78 goals in qualifying averaging over four goals per game. Only dropping the ball on two games so far, they look to be in their best form ever. They should look to dominate the group and getting some sweet revenge by beating Starblaydia. Definately looking like possible World Champions at the moment.

Player to watch out for: Adam Carrero

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Starblaydia.png - Starblaydia
Seem to be proving the phrase; "The only way to go from the top is down". With a disappointing performance in qualifying, its a complete change from last World Cup's team. However they are still the World number ones, so don't think for a moment they can't turn back on the skill, but will they do it in time?

Player to watch out for: Lawrence Asante

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The Archregimancy.png - The Archregimancy
The intrepid bunch of monks try to get World Cup glory, or not, well not for themselves anyway. With Starblaydia in a bit of a slump could they take advantage and steal a place a place in the next round, it could happen....

Player to watch out for: We don't know his name, the tall one

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Demot.png - Demot
The massive underdogs of the group with the World number one and three in the group. Gaining qualification on the final day, this team will unfortuanatly be the whipping boy of the group, if you like to see goals scored come watch a game against these guys.

Player to watch out for: David Masteron

Page 3

- ViLC World Cup 31 :: Matchday 2 RP Cutoff -

The Lowland Clans Region[/COLOR] ("]Vilitan Region[/B] ("][COLOR="DarkOrange)

QAZOXIAN TIMES

PUSHED TO THE BRINK

The World Cup is only two games old, and Qazox is almost eliminated, following a 2-0 loss to The Islands of Qutar, earlier today. Stefanos Armaos, scored both of the goals, the 1st in the 34th minute, giving Qutar a 1-0 lead, and the 2nd in the 82nd minute, ending any chance for a last minute comeback by the Black Oxen. The Black Oxen did play a good match, but the experience of the others teams is starting to show, and Qazox' run maybe over.

While there is still hope for Qazox to advance, they do need some help in order to do so. First, they need to beat Jeruselem, which would eliminate them, and have the NMS-Qutar match NOT end in a tie. If NMS wins, then Qazox willadvance, but if Qutar wins, then Qazox would need to beat Jeruselem by more than 2 goals and have NMS lose by two or more goals.

In other action, congrats to Squornshelous, who have become the 1st team to clinch a berth into the Round of 16.

Up next as mentioned previously, is Jeruselem. This match could be the biggest match in Qazoxian history, depending once again on how the NMS-Qutar match end up. Both sides need to win to advance, so all the stops will be pulled out, both will give 110%, and other such cliches. In a match that will be decided by which team just wants it more, A good team finally with a chance to be great or a up-and-coming team, looking to shock the world one more time. Unfortunately, this reporter thinks the Black Oxen's run will end here, Jeruselem 2-1.

[ooc: I regret that for RL reasons, this is my last RP for this cup - just when things were getting interesting, too. But I'll be spending the next three weeks in a remote Australian grazing paddock with no internet access. Apologies. Hopefully the following RP will help settle a couple of outstanding plots - or at least allow the 'Clans and Casari to tidy up the plot if they want to]

<mad cheers from Orthodox supporters filter through to the dressing room and press conference rooms following the Archregimancy's dramatic 3-0 upset crushing of Liverpool England. The press descend on coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable>

"Coach! Coach!"

"Over here Coach!"

"Bless my question, Reverend Father!"

"No... bless my question, Reverend Father!"

"My children.... I realise you have many questions you wish to ask in the wake of this great victory, sanctified by God, and blessed by the Mother of God, Bringer of Victories. However, the squad have asked me to make a brief statement on their behalf.....

We, the assembled anonymous squad members of the Archregimancy's national football team wish to distance ourselves from recent remarks made, with the implication that these remarks were made on our behalf, by the Monastic Football Association. We fully recognise that the World Cup draw placed us in a difficult group, but this does not indicate 'anti-Orthodox bias' on the part of the organisers, merely that the Lord our God wishes remind us that there can be no great victory without the severest of tests. That which we achieve to easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value. By our actions today, by our glorious victory over Liverpool England, by our trinity of goals, by our keeping a clean sheet against the World Cup's most potent offence, we hope that we have proved that miracles still happen when trust is placed in the Lord. We regret that the MFA's comments have caused a negative reaction from the Lowland Clans Archbishop of Lisbon and the coach of the Casari national team, but we equally regret that these individuals have forgotten our Saviours admonition to 'turn the other cheek' and do unto others as they would have others do unto them. That the MFA has at times reacted intemperately is no excuse for others to also act intemperately. We ask the MFA, the Archbishop of Lisbon and Coach Hill to search their souls and ask themselves if they have acted in a truly Christian manner. Whether they do so or not, we shall pray most fervently that they shall all turn away from sin - and let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

In the meantime, here's looking forward to us defeating Demot, and Starblaydia getting at least a draw against Liverpool England..... because that would put our unworthy selves through to the second round.

I have nothing further to add except to say that I fully support my team in this matter."

<stunned silence>

"But coach!"

"Coach, are you saying you don't support the MFA?"

"Reverend Father, I accidentally kissed an icon incorrectly last week - am I going to Hell?"

"Coach!"

"Coach!"

"Don't go, Coach!"

<Fr. Polycarp majestically sweeps out of the press conference room>

Lunson blames Archregimancy anthem for loss
Thomas Lunson has incited an international incident following claims he made that the Archregimancy national anthem, which the stadium staff chose to play in full, was to blame for his side's shock 3-0 loss.

"It's ridiculous. Half of the anthem before the first half, and half of the anthem before the second? All our fans were asleep! None of them could cheer us on! Hell, it was so damn cold out there today that Adam Carrero fell asleep waiting for each half to start!"

It is expected that his use of the word "hell" in connotation with "cold" will incite yet another incident. He stood by his words in an exclusive interview for this newspaper.

"Damn right. They shouldn't be allowed to cheat like this. Why wasn't their anthem played in full before the Starblaydia match then? It probably won't be played in full against Demot, either. This is ridiculous."

Goal competition we're running:
Goals scored so far: 82
Games played so far: 20
Goals per game on average to date: 4.1

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 5-1 Aurendia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/aurendia.png

Still in with a chance

The match against Aurendia was as crucial as the other two for the Rouge-et-Noirs, in a difficult position after their narrow defeat against Spaam. It was here that the Ariddians’ focus on attack could prove useful. “We need to score, score, score,” coach Melenciuc told his players repeatedly.

Aurendia was known to play a very physical game, but with greater care given to defence. While the Ariddians’ aggressiveness was channelled into the ulek – “Silew wa oleh! Sah wa weheshisi!”, they chanted fiercely at their opponents (“Flee, and die! Stand, and be destroyed!”) – Aurendians Ken Weathers, Rachel Brady and Jeff Yaneohe were all shown a yellow card at some point during the match for a variety of fouls.

Some foreign media have questioned the Rouge-et-Noirs’ abilities, but those questions were (hopefully) silenced as the “red and blacks” gave their opponents a regular thumping. Up three-nil by half-time (with two goals from Dave Rider and one by Hanifah Kyaw), they did not lessen the pressure, and Rider – apparently to his own surprise – scored his third goal of the match in the fifty-eighth minute.

In the stadium (and at home), Ariddian supporters were enjoying a real treat. It was not often they had witnessed such results in the final stages of a World Cup.

Matt Sanchez finally gave Aurendia a goal in the seventieth minute, given Aurendians something to cheer about, but the Rouge-et-Noirs were having none of that, and Nathalie Simon re-established her side’s four goal lead six minutes later.

When the Ariddians finally left the field, they had no doubt received a welcome boost of self-confidence. They had eliminated the unfortunate Aurendians from the competition, and moved into second place, but remained extremely vulnerable nonetheless.

“It’s quite simple,” Melenciuc explained. “We have to assume Spaam will beat Aurendia, which will give them six points. So we absolutely need to beat Krytenia; a draw will mean we’re eliminated. If we do win, there’ll be three teams on six points, so it’ll be down to goal differential. We’d be ahead of Krytenia, of course, so we’d qualify.”

Nobody believes the match against Krytenia will be easy. But Ariddia has not failed at this stage of the competition since World Cup 28.

Elsewhere, Demot are eliminated from the deadly Group D, but the Archregimancy has impressively thrashed Liverpool England 3-0. Group G – Errinundera’s group – remains utterly unpredictable, with all four teams on three points.

A tall blonde girl and a short redhead

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas and with me is former Women's World Cup and World Cup captain, Debbie Dallas, and yes she's my sister. This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Ricky has the cold - so he's been quarantined.
Debbie: Nice to be back with Jeruselem team, even as a guest.

Dazza: Yes, it's the Dallas sisters day. Well almost ....
Debbie: Jeruselem took on the mighty Paladins and well, lost. TWO ONE to the Paladins. Dazza's team lost to a great team who should make the 2nd round. Not unexpected, we wanted at least a draw out of that game but not to be.

Dazza: Yeah, the Paladins were the better team but we could have done better. We were outclassed and there's not much we can say about that except it makes the next game more important.
Debbie: New Montreal States heads the group and Jeruselem fall back to 3rd on goal difference. Just the game on JGN and see what a classy team they are. We weren't disgraced but we weren't good enough on the day.

Dazza: Well, the attack is been a little inconsistent and we could have scored more than one goal. The defense did it's job but our offense it's sharp enough really.
Debbie: This team is different from the last one with many veterans retiring. Veterans like Dazza come out and shine in these games but we need more of them as some here are rookies who couldn't deliver today.

Dazza: In the other game, Qazox lost to the The Islands of Qutar. TWO NIL to the Islanders and the group is wide open. All teams can make it!
Debbie: Group stages are so stressful - every game is knockout really unless you have two wins already. The Islands of Qutar moved to 2nd on goal difference and Qazox are last.

Dazza: Qazox need to win - a draw or loss is curtains. It's simple for Qazox. They also need New Montreal States or The Islands of Qutar to win as a draw between these teams means they won the game and still get removed. To be safe, they need to win by FOUR GOALS.
Debbie: Jeruselem need a win to be totally safe - assured safe. If we draw, things get interesting - Qazox are out still. If the other two teams draw, a draw for Jeruselem is not enough due to goal difference. If the Paladins win, the Jeruselem's draw is enough. Simple really - Jeruselem to win and hope the Paladins win too.

Dazza: The Paladins can fall out if they lose. If they draw or win, they are safe. They have the simplest task - draw or win. They do not want to lose as Jeruselem win and Qutar win would knock them out.
Debbie: The Islands of Qutar really need to win to be assured. A draw with Paladins will enable Jeruselem to take top spot if Jeruselem win. If Jeruselem draw, Qutar only needs a draw.

Dazza: In summary, if any of the top 3 win - they make it. If Qazox wins, they need results to go their way.
Debbie: Well, when I was World Cup 29 captain we lost our 3rd group game - but your World Cup XXX pulled of some like of miracle win and made history - to quarterfinals. Not much between glory and loss around here.

Dazza: Don't worry sis, I'm Dazza and losing is not an option. Losing is not on my list of options at all.
Debbie: With your record in cups, losing is not something you do much either.

Dazza: Jeruselem vs Qazox. Will Dazza and her Crusaders charge into the 2nd round or will the Qazoz team hold their ground? Don't miss it.
Debbie: Remember World Cup XXX - our miracle win.

Dazza: It's YAP YAP time!
Debbie: Apparently, there's debate about who's the better sister - you or me.

Dazza: We both have great records as captains. You have two Women's World Cups, and me one but I do have the 3rd place as well In World Cup cups, I have made quarters while you didn't get out of the group stage. It's even!
Debbie: Between us two, three women's world cups. That's the Dallas legacy.

Dazza: Don't forget Rashina too, your daughter. She's here now, learning from Auntie Dazza and you.
Debbie: Yes, our family are making a difference. Leading the way for women of the future. But when it comes to getting girls into soccer, you're the one Dazza. You put yourself on the line and show even little short bimbos can make. Who would think, an ex-cheerleader could have a fabulous career.

Dazza: Not many ex-cheerleaders do so well, but I'm sure many go on to be models, actresses and dancers even well, you know.
Debbie: Dazza, you make adult actresses look meek. You're a natural for cameras.

Dazza: I'm not that naughty! (smiles)
Debbie: Because they love you because you don't care if you mess up on TV.

Dazza: Or I look good without clothes on. (smiles)
Debbie: That too.

Dazza: Hey, people - if you read The Jeruselem Geek, I've got a regular comment in it now. I'm their regular girl Geek.
Debbie: Dazza does not look like your regular female Geek either, but them Geeks really love Dazza.

Dazza: Well, that's it for THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Debbie: Jeruselem need to beat the Ox team and hope the Paladins win if we draw. Sweet dreams as Dazza says.

Dazza: Hey sis, let's harass my boyfriend.

Group C
Jeruselem [1] New Montreal States [2]
The Islands of Qutar [2] Qazox [0]


---Group C---- P W D L GF-GA GD Pts
[1] New Montreal States 2 1 1 0 4-3 +1 4
[2] The Islands of Qutar 2 1 0 1 4-3 +1 3
3- Jeruselem 2 1 0 1 4-4 +0 3
4- Qazox 2 0 1 1 2-4 -2 1


Next games
New Montreal States vs The Islands of Qutar
Jeruselem vs Qazox

The Akani Sands Eyestrain - wrecking eyesight and hurting since 1993

THEREMAYBETROUBLEAHEAD

Bettia 3 (Rhydderch 14, Scott 21 79)
Cuation 4 (Fei 37 pen 67, Lewish 45, Mendisez 89)

Bettia's management are a little bit worried. Why? Is it because of this heart-wrenching last minute defeat at the hands of Cuation? No dear readers, it's much more serious than that...

Spirits were certainly high as the tens of thousands of Bettians, all decked in blue and white, crowded into the Tivili Ring stadium. Despite their opponent's rather disheartening (and disgusting) defensive tendancies, games against Cuation have tended to be entertaining high-scoring affairs and in this respect the And it all started so well as the Aroras carried on where they left off from their thrilling opening day win, racing into a lightning 2-0 lead.

It was Gwarthen Rhydderch who opened the scoring after 14 minutes after a typically piercing run from Eri Kurniawan found him on the edge of the box. Ever the opportunist, he elected to take a hopeful looking shot from the corner of the penalty area which dipped wickedly, leaving Cuation goalie Jude Tanner grasping at thin air. Unfortunately for the Aroras, the ball struck the crossbar... but fortunately for the Aroras Rhydderch was on hand to mop up the rebound, getting to the ball first to claim the tap-in.

Six minutes later and Bettia had doubled their advantage thanks to young midfield maestro Barry Scott. The Aroras' fourth corner of the game was headed clear from the goal area only to find the Tiddles Park star lurking some 20 yards out. As he wound up to take the thunderbolt, everyone in the ground knew what was coming, and sure enough the net was bulging faster than you can say "BANG! And the dirt is gone!"

So there you have it. Two goals to the good, and playing some of the best attacking football the Realm has seen in a very long time. The boys in blue are on easy street, right? Alas no, for that was where things started to go pear-shaped...

Within eight minutes, Cuation had halved the deficit thanks to a forging run by Lu Fei. After racing past the Bettian back two, he seemed to be through on goal but was crudely upended by Steven Harris, a tackle which saw the centre-back receive a straight red card. As the Grappenhall man trudged off for an early bath, Fei placed the ball on the spot and prompted blasted it home, leaving Safwan Sulaiman no chance despite diving the right way.

That goal plus a man advantage certainly got Cuation's tails up and they pressed forward, and right on the stroke of halftime their efforts were rewarded as young Phil Lewish astounded his team-mates by heading the ball home from a corner. As he celebrated in the corner, the rest of the Cuation team were left in shock, clearly not believing what they had just seen. Then it hit home that they had in had pulled themselves level, and so toddled off to join him.

The second half was largly uneventful, although Cuation shaded it as Bettia toiled under the extra workload. It took twenty minutes before Cuation took a deserved lead though, as Lewish crossed the ball over from the wing for Fei to smash his second of the day.

However, Bettia weren't to be defeated quite so easily. To their credit, their attacking credentials shone through their disapointment and they continually pressed forward until eventually they won a freekick in a dangerous position, thanks to Swiss Charag's accidental handball just outside the area. Now, following on from the controversy surrounding Bettia's fourth against Milchama, you would've thought teams would've been wise to the quickly-taken kick, but no. For the second time in two games Barry Scott took full advantage of the defence's slow organisation to score a sneaky quick one to tie the score 3-3.

The final ten minutes was a period of Bettian dominance as they belied their disadvantage, pinning their opponents in their own final third for long periods. However, playing such a pressing game when you're a man down is a dangerous tactic, and on this occasion they were made to pay as a long clearance found substitute Medisez in space. His pace coupled with his fresh pair of legs was too much for the beleagured Bettian defence and he soon raced clear before slotting the ball past Sulaiman to win the game.

This result leave Cuation on top of the group on four points, one point ahead of Bettia who are ahead of Milchama on goal difference after their victory over Vilita.

Ah yes, Vilita... this writer almost forgot. The Akani Sands Eyestrain has heard disturbing evidence, very disturbing indeed that Vilita will be unveiling a hideous new kit especially for this last group match. Why hideous? Because it is in that most satanic of colours... red. Yes, as sickening and depraved as it seems, Vilita are electing to wear red, the colour of all things evil, in an obvious attempt to gain a psychological advantage - some might say it's because they fear the mighty Aroras, whilst others surmise it's simply to piss us off.

The stakes couldn't be higher, for Bettia need to match Milchama's result in order to stand a chance of progressing to the second round for the first time since World Cup 25. The Blessed Realm, normally a bastion of green and gold, will be turned a distinct shade of royal blue for this game - let's hope and pray that it's a shade of victory!

News items from Deddick’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) major daily:

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

LONG DRY SHRIVELS SORREL

Connoisseurs of Errinundera’s national dish will be forced to cut back on their favourite indulgence as the big dry withers Deddick’s renowned sorrel harvest. “This is the worst dry period since the great drought of 1982-3,” says local farmer antonhil. “My sorrel production is down by 85%.”

The popular local Santé! outlet has already announced that due to the high cost of the hard-to-get ingredient they will be forced to withdraw sorrel soup from the menu. “Errinundera without sorrel soup is like Round 2 of the World Cup without Liverpool England,” says co-op manager, cutatu. “We expect this will only be a temporary problem – the lack of sorrel, that is. Round 2 of the World Cup without Liverpool England isn’t a problem.”

antonhil has his own remedy for the problem. “We should build the mother of all dams on the Deddick River. Who cares about the people downstream, especially those Snowy River types, when the national dish is at stake.” Fortunately no-one in any position of influence in Errinundera takes antonhil seriously.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/Flag/Flag-DeddickFr.jpg
The Deddick city flag displays the sorrel plant.

PROTECTOR SACKED – SACRED TREE REGISTRY TO BE RESTRUCTURED

The intransigent Protector of Sacred Trees, poplecti, has been dismissed from the position as part of a long expected and widely supported restructuring of the Sacred Tree Registry. Proof of the popularity of the decision was provided when the headquarters of the registry were burnt down within hours of the announcement, despite it being only four years since it was last burnt down. Magistrate snapisnapiestu, who has been appointed to head the review into the registry, points out that the torching is timely. “It will assist in the restructure.”

The former Protector had to be removed from his post using a cherry picker and grappling hooks. We were unable to get a comment from poplecti as he was staring at a fixed point in space and frothing from the sides of his mouth. His deputy, gabbler, spoke at length, with many diversions, on the matter. He admitted that the stances taken on the Rodger River and Cuttlefish Island sacred trees had probably been unwise even if technically sound.

POTOROOS LEARN LESSON AND AMUSE THEMSELVES IN THE SHADE

Following the sunburn debacle against Bedistan the national team amused themselves prior to their World Cup match against Rejistania by bushwalking in Vilita’s magnificent tropical rainforest surrounding Jlinal. “The sheer luxuriance of the forest and the abundance of wildlife is simply mind-blowing,” says owiavi, Deddick’s rookie keeper in the national squad. “Errinundrian forests are unruly but these are utterly impenetrable.”

owiavi was also impressed by the parrots in the jungle. “They aren’t as big as our yellow tailed black cockatoos but the colours have to be seen to be believed. I saw one bird that was iridescent green with a pink breast with black and blue stripes. I was assured the Bedistanis weren’t to blame – the stripes were natural. You know, the Vilitans are very lucky: rainforests AND beaches. I may be biased, but I do prefer our cool temperate rainforests”

WORLD CUP REPUTATIONS COUNT FOR LITTLE

Today at the Jlinal Cove Complex Errinundera defeated one of the World Cup fancies in a round of astounding upsets. Perhaps upset is not the right word – we suspect that the football world is overjoyed at the cutting of a few tall poppies. Not that we have anything against Rejistania personally except they could improve their democratic freedoms a tad. And they do tend to revere money just a little unhealthily. The final scoreline of 1-2 was an accurate reflection of the state of play. venu (10th) and rosaniel (55th) both managed to breach the Rejistanian defence. The Orange and Blues scored one of their own (43rd) but no-one is sure which Syku Lyku it was. Or maybe it was Lyku Syku?

That the opponents wore the loathed colours of the McKillops Bridge Kingfishers may have been a factor in the team’s fearless attack on the ball. It is notable that the selectors did not chose either of the McKillopians in the squad (evolu and thiend) for this game. Local star and reserve keeper, owiavi, thinks otherwise. “Our coach, withare, gave us the evil eye for three hours in total silence following our spineless effort against Bedistan. That is not an experience you would ever want to go through. For the match against Rejistania we would have eaten the goalposts if he had asked us to. And, besides, withare is a McKillopian.”

The situation in group G is extremely interesting. Bedistan and Rejistania are ranked 1 and 8 in the world respectively. They play each other in the 3rd match of round 1 and, because all four teams are on 3 points, the only way both of them can progress to round 2 would be if their match and the Errinundera – Spruitland match were both drawn. If Errinundera can defeat Spruitland it will continue in the cup. If it draws it will require a non-drawn result between Bedistan and Rejistania. If it loses it’s back home for the potoroos.

The final round in Group B will probably be disappointing for many Errinundrians. One or other of Ariddia or Spaam is likely to be eliminated. For both to progress would require Ariddia to defeat Krytenia and Spaam to defeat Aurendia by a combined margin of over 4 goals. If the margin is exactly 4 goals then Spaam must outscore Krytenia by 2 goals. A big ask.

GROUP G

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Spruitland.png
Spruitland 2
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bedistan.png
Bedistan 0


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Rejistania.png
Rejistania 1
(Syku Lyku 43)
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 2
(venu 10, rosaniel 55)


GROUP B

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Spaam.png
Spaam 0
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Krytenia.png
Krytenia 2


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Ariddia.png
Ariddia 5
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Aurendia.png
Aurendia 1

ooc: nothing is meant to offend

Two Quakmybushian teenagers were walking home from the teams 2-1 loss against Schiavonia. "Man, that game sucked." Kevin said.

"Ya, let's go back to the hotel and get drunk, we are gunna need alot of beer after that loss." Jordan said. The two got back to their hotel room and started to drink. The sports cast yhrn came on and went over all the teams in the tourny.

"You know, I'm either really drunk or..... who am I kiddding I am really drunk. But let's try to find out how to say the name of the people from each country, you know, like we're Quakmybushian." Kevin said

"ok, sounds like it could be interesting since we're both piss drunk." Jordan said. The sportscast came up and it started at group A which contained Bazalonia, Schiavonia, The Lownland Clans and Quakmybush.

"I'll take this one." Kevin said. "It's Bazaian, Schiavone, The Lowland Clanese, and Quakmybushian." he added. The two had a quick laugh when group B game up which contained Krytenia, Aurendia, Spaam, and Ariddia.

"My turn." Jordan said. "Krytenian, Aurendianese, Spaamers, and Ariddians." Group C then came up which had New Montreal States, Qazox, Jeruselem, and The Islands of Qutar.

"Here I go again." Kevin said "New Montreal Statis, Qazoxis, Jerus, and Qutarians". Group D popped up on the screen with Liverpool England, Demot, The Archregimancy, and Starblaydia.

"I got this one." Jordan said. "Whiners, Demotish, Archregimancianish, and Starblaydians." Then it was group E with Vilita, Cuation, Bettia, and Milchama.

"Mine again." Kevin said "Viliti, Cuationese, Bettian, Milchamitian." The two continued too crack up when group F popped up, with Squornshelous, Commerce Heights, Turori, and Geisenfried.

"This is a boring one, but I got it." Jordan said. "Squornese, Commerceians, Turorian, and Geisenfriedchicken." The two bursted out in laughter after the Geisenfried one was said. Group G came up with Rejistania, Bedistan, Errinundera, Spruitland.

"My turn" Kevin said. "Rejistanianisn, Bedistanese, Errinunderaese, Spruitlandianese. Wow, that one sucked." Fianally group H came up with Oliverry, Casari, Az-Cz, and Northen Caesarea.

"And last but not least." Jordan said. "Frenchies, Casarese, Az-Czianish, and Northen Caesareaish." The two then knocked back a few more drinks and then fell asleep.

"Damn, I feel kinda bad for the Schiavone."

"Why in the name of all that is sacred and holy do you feel sorry for them? We've got to play them two days from now, if anything we should be trying to sabotage them, dig up some dirt on them or what not. You know, what journalists do, ruin people's lives for a quick buck. Don't you remember journalism school?"

"Well, it's not that, though I did find something about that Simeon person who converted to Orthodoxy. It's about the adjective for their nation. I mean, everybody has been making fun of them for it. Heck, even the Graham City Sun's reporters made fun of it. Then there was the internet posting by those two Bushian teenagers? Man, they made fun of everybody."

"Well, let's hope the damn monks from the Archregimancy don't throw an aneyrism after that. The damn whiners."

"Well, they did get drawn with Starblaydia and the Manchester English. No wait, wrong English city. Liverpool English."

"But they utterly laid waste to Liverpool England."

"Sepaking of which, how exactly do you throw an aneyrism? Isn't that a little blood clot in your brain or something? A little hard to place in your hand and throw at the opposing teams' keeper when Bloudin is charging in for the goal."

"You idiot, it's a medical term. Forget it, your an idiot."

"Screw you."

"Screw your mom."

"Ow, that was uncalled for."

"You were uncalled for."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

"Speaking of which, what is our national adjective?"

"I don't know. That's a good question. WE don't even know what it is."

"Well, I've heard Clannic, Clanese, Clanian, Clan."

"But we call ourselves the Alliance."

"But that's a stupid adjective. Alliancian? Alliancese? Alliancee? God, you are an idiot."

"Shut up."

"Your mom shuts up."

"Oh quit the your mom jokes."

"You know got me thinking the other day?"

"No, was it your mom?"

"Oh give it a rest. No it was the fact that we are an Alliance of people who don't really like each other. The Orthodox and the Catholics, the Catholics and the Baptists, The English and the Scots, the English and the Irish, The Kosovans and the Serbians, hell, the Serbians and anybody from the Mediterranean. How the hell do we get along without tearing each other apart?"

"Well, I guess it's because we realize that we are better off not living anywhere near France."

"You mean Oliverry?"

"No, I mean France."

"What the hell is 'France?'"

"Well, back when we were in the Real World, we used to live next to this country called France. Real bastards."

"Eh, I guess your right. At least we don't live next to Oliverry as well."

"Or the Newcastle English. Sorry, Liverpool English, keep getting them mixed up. Damn whiners. But what the hell is Liverpool doing all the way in what ever region Glasgow Scotland is in?"

"Liverpool England you damnyankee fool."

"Now where the hell did you get that phrase?"

"I don't know, I think that's a good question. I think I heard it from around Bedistan, this mysterious Georgia place."

"But you've never even been to Bedistan."

"Shut up."

"And we havesome Canadians."

"What about Canadians?"

"Well, their wimps and pacifists, you can't hate them because that would be like kicking a puppy in the face."

"But you kick puppies in their faces regularly."

"I also hate Canadians."

"Well, you're a bloody monster."

"Tell me something I don't know. Now, we've got to dig up some mud on somebody from the Schiavonianese team. That Friar Symeon or whatever his name is looks like a prime candidate. Perhaps a naughty tryst with another woman?"

"Well, if your going for the jugular, might want to involve drugs and incest. Or maybe bestiality."

"Oh God no. That's just disgusting. I maybe a monster, but I still have some decency left in me. But I can do the incest."

"You're incestuous?"

"No you idiot, I think making up some incestuous romp with his sister would be good. If he even has a sister. By the way, pass me the Geisenfried Chicken. That's some damn good stuff. Now, don't we have some refrigerated Surrender Monkey around here from Oliverry?"

"Nope, apparently it's from this 'France' place as well. Damn, it's really white meat. A little clothy in texture, but good."

"Now, what about this Margaret person that we keep hearing about? Isn't she just a legend or what not?"

"Well, no one is for sure. A Druidan president once had to rename himself Margaret after a bet or something, and it brought them quite good luck as I understand it. But she's been spotted from time to time, I don't know her origin story, maybe we can wiki it."

"Alright, well, it says here that she used to work for Snub Nose 38, whoever they are. And she sacrifices rubber chickens to assuage the random number gods in order to bring good results for the team."

"Rubber chickens?"

"That's what it says here."

"Damn, that's vicious."

"No kidding."

"But the random number gods have to do with football? Doesn't she know that it's all about skill of the footballers and the coverage of the media? Random doesn't even enter into it. What an idiot."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME?"

"What the hell, who was that?"

"IT IS I MARGARET!"

"Bloody hell, Frank stop it, it's getting old these pranks."

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME BY CALLING ME THIS FRANK PERSON! I AM MARGARET!"

"Listen, Frank, just leave us alone, we are trying to work here, get some good dirt on that Monk Simon on the Schiavoneseian team!"

"HIS NAME IS FRIAR SYMEON!"

"Oh, thanks for correcting me Frank, now bugger off."

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME? DO YOU WISH THE GALAXY TO FAIL MISERABLY IN THERE GAME AGAINST THE SCHIAVONE?"

"First of all Frank, it's Schiavonian, didn't you know? And secondly, there haven't been any sacrifices to Margaret since the World Cup 15 or something like that."

"Yeah, Frank!"

"WHATEVER! I AM LEAVING!"

"Finally, what a ****."

"Totally."

"So, where were we incest with his sister Margaret?"

"Sounds good."

Wednesday, 2110-06-18

So the Lions had their first game today against Errinundera. I figured this was probably going to be one of toughest ones. Yeah, I know they're ranked...well, I don't know where now with the update and all, but I know they were in like the 80s going into qualifying, so it should be easy theoretically, but I just had this feeling that there was upset potential. But it seemed to me that they just weren't playing up to their usual standard today. Word on the street is they were all suffering from some nasty sunburn all over their bodies. I guess that would explain why they kept screaming every time our guys ran into 'em. At one point, their captain, silvu, got a yellow card after a particularly loud scream. I never knew that was a bookable offense. Actually I think they tried to justify it by calling it unsportsmanlike conduct or something, but come on!

So yeah, the Errinundrians were largely disappointing in the match. But I guess that's good for us, because we got a big win out of it. 4-1. Not good enough for 1st place, though, since the Orange-Blues spanked Spruit four-nil. Hopefully that'll sufficiently demoralize the Wabbits so they can keel over to us next Tuesday.

Of course, thanks to that whole sunburn thing, the great big Errinundrian beach party got canceled, so now I've gotta find something to do tonight. Meh, I'm in Vilita, I hear the night life here is pretty awesome. I'll find something.

----

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bedistan.png BEDISTAN 4
Sherman 12'; Salas 26', 38'; Wilson 75'
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png ERRINUNDERA 1
lyseup 61'

The Schiavone Scribe
Game Closed Down

After a number of instances of crossed lines involving Schiavonia based nationstates.scv, the website has been closed down by those running it for fear that it could cause a major international incident.

So far, crossed wires between the website and that of the WCC have ended up entering a young Kingsbury boy into not only the World Cup Qualifiers but also the Cup of Harmony, and have followed it up by almost causing great confusion between the national football associations of Schiavonia and Bazalonia following the enocounter between the two national football teams at the finals of World Cup 31 in The Lowland Clans.

On the General forums of a website, a report was made by some mischievous youngsters of unknown origin depicting the game in a different order as what actually happened.

Following on from this, a somewhat petty Schiavone poster on the forums took offence at not only the inaccuracies, but being called Schiavonian instead of Schiavone. In reply, he made a mocked-up edition of The Schiavone Scribe to make a point about what Schiavonia is.

Somehow, the whole debacle created confusion amongst both football associations, with the Bazalonians even going as far as issuing an official apology. In return, the Schiavones have told the Bazalonians not to worry, they're just as bemused as to what on earth's going on, too.

As a result, the website has been officially closed. The site, which has over 25 players in Schiavonia and more around the world, has officially recommended that users should use the much more effective nationstates.net, which is the same but more international. And obviously so much more fun.

Meanwhile, the Scribe are officially going ahead with legal action against the user who used the paper's layout. "Usually we wouldn't bother," said one of the chief editors, "But the fact that whoever it was was so uptight about being called Schiavonian really took the biscuit. We've been called Schiavonian many times, and while it might not be the proper word, nobody's ever made a big deal about it before."

"That and the one about one in fifty people being cross eyed. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life? I don't know if the person was trying to be funny or something, but they weren't. It means that they are just stupid."

The Columbia Times
Thursday, June 26, 2110

NATIONAL NEWS

Name 'Margaret' loses popularity overnight
Spruitland blamed

COLUMBIA, Fed. Dist. -- The Federal Citizens Registry has reported that no new children named Margaret have been born in Bedistan since 10:52 p.m. AOTC Tuesday evening. This happens to be the precise time of the end of the World Cup XXXI match between Bedistan and Spruitland, which the Bedistani team lost by a score of 0-2.

This is relevant because a great many sports fans in Bedistan believe in the existence of the so-called "Random Number Gods", to whom a person known only as Margaret was the most famous supplicant, often sacrificing rubber chickens to them in the hope of a favorable outcome. As a result, many baby girls are named Margaret in her honor. However, after Tuesday night's unlikely loss, Margaret has apparently fallen out of favor.

"Indeed," remarked one Registry official, "not only have there been no new children named Margaret since then, but over 94 percent of name change applications we've received since then have been for someone wanting to change their name from Margaret to something else."

Controversy surrounding the name Margaret is nothing new. Several decades ago, a large number of citizens of the former nation of Druida changed their names to Margaret, including Druidan president Trefor Smith.

(ooc: Quak that last post was funny as hell :) )

QAZOXIAN TIMES

SPECIAL EDITORIAL

Just where do these punk kids from Quakerbush or Quakmytree get off posting their inane ramblings?

As any person with at least 3 functioning brain cells knows, the proper team for a person from Qazox is Qazoxian, not this Qazoxis crap.

I hope that Shakemybooty's President does something about this. Hopefully spank both of them with a wooden spoon.

That it for my two cents... what about yours?

John Drui, Lake Porter-I hope Quake2shrub bans those idiots from ever using a computer. We've gone to war over sillier things than that. Like that 6- minute war with Insaneindahead over their president sneezing without covering her mouth. Kill all of those Quake2shrubbries!!!

Mary Littlelamb, Fromburg Truly a sad day when a fellow nation allows it citizenry to be so ignorant. I hope that Shakeandbake spend more money in the future so they don't turn out to be inbred morons, like Green Wombatians.

Joe Camel, Las Vitas What the hell kind of drugs were these Quakerdoodles smoking.. and when can I get some?

Holly Shitte, Iguana de Mia I hope that not all of the GeorgeBushians are like that, as i my have to cancel my vacation to GeorgeBush.

Please note that the above is not the Opinion of this newspaper, but of random inbred hicks that must have some Green Wombatian blood somewhere up the family tree. No offense to Inbred hicks in any other countries.

Casarans were rather easygoing about what they were called. (As long as it wasn't something that would start a fight, of course.)

So when Nina Leir and Kyle Reimar slowly and silently inched their way down the hall, what they were specifically being called by the rest of the World Cup Community. Oh no. Tonight was about nothing other than revenge.

With a room key provided by an unnamed accomplace, Leir and Reimar quietly unlocked the door to the room occupied by one Michael Arrali, who most definately deserved what he was about to get. Sneaking through the room, they quickly decended on the bed which Arrali was believed to have occupied. Carefully tearing a piece of duct tape from a roll which they brought with for that exact purpose, Kyle prepared to pin down the arms of the sleeping Arrali while Nina dived to tape his mouth shut.

The sleeping figure struggled against his attackers, letting out muffled crys for a second while Nina and Kyle looked at each other. "That doesn't sound like-" Kyle muttered, before another yelling figure dived out of the half-open closet and tackled him from behind and began applying a firm headlock. The figure on the bed threw Hill off of her and peeled the tape off her mouth before diving on Nina, using the duct tape to pin her arms behind her back while Michael had Kyle pinned against the bed. Then the light suddenly flicked on, and Nina and Kyle were forced to see the victorious Darcosi and Arrali duct tape their wrists and ankles together and leave them on the middle of the floor.

"How the hell did you know we were coming?" Nina said, staring.

"Whose key did you think that was?" Mina said, laughing.

"I am so shaving their eyebrows off." Michael said, running to the bathroom and coming back with an electric razor.

"What the hell? You can't do that!" Kyle said, struggling. "We have a match tomorrow!"

Michael stuck his tounge out a bit, looking intent on his work, shaving his attacker's eyebrows off with the utmost efficency and speed. Nina and Kyle by that point had stopped struggling and began sulking, accepting their inevitable fate.

"What should we do with them now?" Michael said, putting the razor away.

"Let's just drag them out into the hall." Darcosi answered, picking up Nina's feet and pulling her to the door as she made various struggling noises, opening it and laying her against the wall outside the room. Michael quickly followed with Kyle.

"Anything else?" Michael asked, prodding Kyle with his foot.

"Come on, let's go get a drink. It's not so often that your foes can be left in a hallway without any eyebrows." Mina said, leading the way to the elevator. "See you later, guys!" she shouted from the end of the hallway, waving until the elevator door closed.

Nina looked across the hall to where Kyle was laying against the wall opposite and scowled. "This is entirely your fault."

---=--=---

The city was a rather quiet place at that point in the night, with most of the populace either a bit cozy with their drinks or in their homes, but there were still a few cars on the streets. One in particular roared by and skidded to a stop in front of the hotel's lobby door. Climbing out were two disheveled looking people, who quickly pulled a third out of the backseat, who was too busy rambling drunkly to do things like walk or move under her own power.

And Mina and Michael KNEW that ramble.

Hurrying over, the sight of a pair of nineteen year old fans hauling their coach out of the back of a car was slightly less bizzare as the same fans nearly dropping their coach on the sidewalk when they went to pull out markers and ask to have their kits signed. After pointing out where to take the coach, snapping the fans out of their vague sense and appearance of awe, and delivering on a few promised autographs, the fans had hurried off to take the coach inside.

Halfway down the block they had found another pair of fans seemingly patrolling the streets. They happily pointed them to a local watering hole that the in-town fans had taken for their own. The sound of Casaran drinking songs coming from inside, the two looked at each other and shrugged before going inside.

The silence when they entered the bar made Michael and Mina almost decide to turn around. Then the fans began arguing over who would get to buy them the first drink. It almost went to blows until the players were able to assure the fans that yes, they could handle more than one drink.

And ooh boy, they proved that well.

When the players were slumped against the table and the fans were looking at their poor on-field representitives in pity, someone made the call. Two nineteen year old fans walked into the bar, proudly showing off their autographed jerseys and picked up the drunk autographees, dumping them in the backseat of the car and driving them back to the team hotel. And when they were there, they took them back up to their room, nodding attentively to the stories about how they shaved off the other players' eyebrows, dumped them on their beds, and left them to sleep, continuing their duties mandated by the elder fans who had to do the same thing

After all, someone had to look out for the players, didn't they?

"And now onto international news, The Schiavone political simulation online game Nationstates.scv was shut down today as the latest in a series of mix-ups nearly caused an international incident. Apparently a mock up of The Schiavone Scribe railing against comments made by John Michaels and other things caused an official apology to be issued by John as well as an article by famous Bazalonian newspaper journalist Nev Gould refuting the statements made in the article."

<video of an Interview of Nev Gould>

"When I was shown the print out of the post I immeadiately stared in dis-belief but it was just so life like that I had to take it seriously."

"This was just the latest in a long line of mix-ups related to the Nationstates.scv and an anonymous Schiavone Official had the following to say about this. Their voice has been changed to that of Peter Hobble for privacy"

<Video of a darkened room with a person sitting in a chair in the dark. Their features visible and a voice that sounds exactly like Peter Hobble talked>

"Never in Schiavone history had a website like this caused any near the trouble that Nationstates.scv did. I mean it made that Soccer World Online Cup look like a blip. Though I have to admit that game was fun."

"And now onto Sport. Raymond?"

"Well the Clansmen performed much better than expected and combined with a relatively lacklustre performance by the Bazalopes the Clansmen forced a 2 all draw against the Bazalopes who face the Quakmybushian Sharks in their final a lose against this team virtually garauntees that the Bazalopes will fail to get into the knock-out round as was widely expected. The Bazalopes are still on top of the group table but it is still literally anybodies game and the Bazalopes will have to lift their performance back up to the level that it was when the team faced Bedistan or even Schiavonia. Perhaps the teams only performs well when they are facing on paper tough opponents, the TLC had lacked recent international experience as they did not have to worry about the qualifiers but the home advantage in such an opposing stadium such as City International Stadium may have just taken them over the line. The Bazalopes next and final group match is against the Sharks from Quakmybush which I see as another draw unless the Bazalopes can get out of the current funk that they are in and win. This is against a harder opponent so hopefully their minds will have what happened today at the top of their minds."

"Thank you Raymond, I like the way you report the sports."

"Everybody likes me, that's why I do it."

"Well once again thanks Ray and now onto weather..."

....

John Michaels, "What was up with that whole nationstates.scv crap?" he asked "I don't know, probably some poor loser on the internet that doesn't have a normal life." replied his father as they headed once again into the stadium for the match against the home team. There where alot of Clansmen already in the stadium but there was a vocal Bazalonian section. Margaret and Richard where there with him... "The Clansmen will do better than the Bazalopes will think and it ends in a draw." said Margaret

"Anyway let's go into the stands and await the game that will surely lead to a Bazalonian victory."

The first half saw an amazing lead taken by the underdogs. The Lowland Clans had scored in the 23rd and 41st minutes there where some controversy with a third goal being disallowed but it was balanced out by another lot of controvesry at the other end when a Bazalonian goal was disallowed for being off-side. The thing was the Bazalonian player, James Kantwell, was indeed offside and as well as the instance that caused the TLC goal to be disallowed was also legitimate but that did not stop there being an upset crowd.

The half-time saw the Bazalopes down 2-0 and a very annoyed John. "Slani Bazalopes!" exclaimed John. "Hey, watch your language!" scolded Richard. "Don't worry John, They'll make up the 2 goal difference. As I said before the game. They'll draw." "I have to admit that the Bazalopes played like a B-league team today and the Clansmen played like their lives depended on it."

The second half saw the Bazalopes creep one goal up and then a second goal up. The Bazalopes had to wok extremely hard for these goals and they certainly did earn them. Though the Clansmen did on occasion come close to scoring a few goals Jeffery constantine managed to get into the way and caught those attempts stopping the Clansmen from scoring any more goals.

The Rejistanian Off-Topic

Lemekanil gets better internet connection
The citizens of the village Lemekanil can from today on enjoy internet in 33,4 kB/s. Mayor Tadeje Isiril announced that this day was a great day for the village. However resident Kama Dere worries about the quality of the soccer team: "Now they have this better access to the net. Can you expect them to train as hard as before or will they become mindless click-robots? This village has nothing of importance than its soccer team." The Lemekanil Veran 80'la once participated in the Takil cup and finished as second-team, however the Karelan government at that time imposed very hard punishments against them so they could never repeat the success in the league. Currently, the Lemekanilians hope that with Viskore Jha-Ne, the success and promotion out of the 11th league can be possible.

Professor Akidi'he disappeared
University professor Kansu Akidi disappeared without a trace. Last time, he was seen was before the start of the world Cup when he came to his office and locked himself in there. The University of Kalisimu is worried about his currentmental state, according to caretaker Navane Elit, who was the only one, who did not object being quoted, the professor of history has become obsessed with the fusion of technology and magic. Elit'he said: "I knew one of his experiments would go bad... now it did..."

Cuation Squeeze Into Top Spot

Cuation got a much needed win, despite conceding three goals for the first time this campaign, leaving our team in the driving seat going into the last game. It was not a good day for Jude Tanner, a poor performance under pressure raising old doubts about his ability, and defender Steven Harris who was sent off but for everyone else, it was a happy day.

It was a great day to go to a game, both sets of fans packing the Tivali stadium, 87,000 fans certainly make a lot of noise in a 4-3 thriller. Bettia have played before and started off brightly, playing an attacking game that was breathtaking to watch.

Cuation frustrated the Bettia fans with a defensive game plan but despite a series of last ditch tackles and desperate clearances, Cuation where 2-0 down with barely twenty minutes gone and looked like they where in for a stuffing.

In the 14th minute, Kurniawan tormented Butcher in a devastating run before laying the ball off to Gwarthen Rhydderch on the edge of the box with just enough room to try a shot. The forwards effort first seemed to be going over and Jude left it, only to be scrambling across as it suddenly dipped towards goal. The brilliant effort hit the bar but the forward had followed up, reacting quickest to open the scoring.

On the 21st minute mark, Cuation where forced to conceded yet another corner with the defenders making sure to get distance on their clearing headers. This time, Scott could only head it out as far as Barry Scott , lurking 20 yards out. His thunderbolt effort nearly broke the back of the net, sending Bettia fans into raptures and Cuation with a mountain to climb.

Cuation gained a better grip in midfield and started to turn the tide a little but Bettia where still able to cause all sorts of problems for the backline. One piece of fortune swung things in Cuation's favour, in the 37th minute; Fallen worked himself into space in the centre circle.

The Cuation playmaker had been quiet so far, forced to defend but now he showed what he could do. Playing a low through ball, the pass gave Lu Fei some space to power past Hartiyanto and just gain a yard on Stephen Harris. The veteran defender should have known the cost of sliding on so recklessly, he failed to get the ball and received a red card. The tall striker dusted himself off and powered the penalty beyond the credible efforts of Safwan Sulaiman.

Cuation now took advantage, pressing forward down the flanks and Lu Fei finding more room as Bettia seemed at a loss on how to cope with being down to ten men. Hartiyanto did a good job in keeping the many crosses from reaching Lu Fei and as the game reached first half injury time, it seemed Bettia would go in with a deserved lead.

A corner from the left was taken quickly by Downing towards the far post where Lewish out jumped his marker to glance the ball into the net. With the angle he was at and his lack of headed goals, his team mates seemed to think he had missed but on realising the good news, they celebrated in disbelief at their comeback.

In the second half, Cuation had a slight upper hand in a scrappy midfield battle but with Fallen unable to find that killer pass, Cuation took awhile to take advantage. A good passing move involving Fallen, Downing, Scott and James ended up with Lewish clear down the right. The winger may lack the accuracy of Downing's crosses but this time, his ball fell perfectly for Lu Fei to chest down and volley past the keeper with 67 minutes gone.

Bettia are the top ranked side for a reason and came back strongly, lacking the fluency of earlier perhaps but Cuation was once more forced to resort to desperate defending to keep the lead. When Cheese blocked a long shot, ref Sonia Sögard deemed it to be a handball and gave a free kick.

Throughout the match, Scott would stand in front of the ball till the wall was ready but the players where so incensed by the call that Scott was found leading the protests. Jude was making his feelings known when he should have been watching the cunning Barry Scott , the low shot finding its way into the net to hand him his second goal of the match.

Conceding the lead in the 79th minute due to indiscipline was clearly not what manager Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile wanted. He was seen on the touchline berating his team, whatever the validity of the ref’s decision, they should have been ready for that.

Bettia pushed forward for the winner that would hand them qualification with a game in hand. Cuation made one change, Downing subbed for Rual, Fallen moving to the left of midfield as Cuation played a 5-3-2 formation, Cuation's top goal scorer spending most of the ten minutes chasing lost causes.

In the last minute, Scott hacked away the ball from the edge of the box, his clearance this time didn't cost Cuation but benefited them. Rual Mendisez was first to the ball and ran at goal, his pace enough to see him clear. Safwan Sulaiman made himself big but was unable to reach the shot that went across his body and into the far corner.

A brilliant, if somewhat lucky, win and Cuation can now look to get the point needed against Milchama to qualify for the knock outs.

Az-cz Scroll
Crosaibi
Il-Lur

Oliverry gets lucky, Gnomes dealt major blow

After their stunning upset of Casari without Pizelkaxrovsky, the Gnomes fans and players seemed quite confident when the full starting eleven strode on to the pitch. All though their were moments to celebrate, a few lucky bounces in a very strange but relatively even game did the Gnomes in.

Pizelkaxrovsky looked very pleased to be back on the pitch and took early control of the match. Providing pass after pass to the front the Gnomes looked to be only a matter of moments to score. However all they were able to do was kick the ball into the posts. Four times in the first 18 minutes the Gnomes found the woodwork, but couldn't sneak one into the net.

Eventually it was Oliverry who found the back of the net first. An Oliverrian had snuck up field and curled one just past Gn-Lg in the 23rd minute.

The Gnomes then turned it up. They soon found the equalizer, with Pizelkaxrovsky doing most of the heavy lifting. He made a nice tackle near the halfway line than slid the ball to Kn-Dg. Kn-Dg popped it back to Pizelkaxrovsky who swung it into the box where Stanleyinho headed it home. The Gnomes found a way to even the game in just four minutes

The Gnomes weren't done however as they proceeded to take the lead. This time the goal came from an unexpected source. Like often was the case Pizelkaxrovsky was in the middle of the pitch trying to find an outlet for the ball when Ns-Ta came sprinting up the pitch. Pizelkaxrovsky hesitated till Ns-Ta was in just the right place for him to one time a shot in on the pass from Pizelkaxrovsky.

Following that goal the Gnomes looked to expand their lead but once again started getting stuck on the woodwork, finding it another two times in the last 9 minutes of the half.

At the start of the second half both teams had plenty of good chances but neither team was able to convert. Eventually in the 72nd minute the Pink & Green brought on Ox-Rx for Stanleyinho and Ip-Gp for Levesque, to slightly improve the defense.

Unfortunately for the Az-czzers, the bad luck quickly turned against them. The Oliverrians found their equalizer in the 75th minute on a goal scored by the sprinkler system, basically. Apparently the daily watering was scheduled for the middle of the match. Although they had shut down the system, one sprinkler head popped up. Unfortunately it popped up just as Gn-Lg went to corrale a low shot. It popped the ball up just enough to get over Gn-Lg and find it's way into the goal. The grounds crew quickly figured out what was wrong and the sprinkler receeded, but the damage had been done.

And that was just the beginning. The goal that ended up being the winner was scored in almost as strange of a way. One of the Oliverrian players shoes came off just outside of the penalty box. However the Gnomes made a defensive stop and everyone headed back down towards the Oliverrian goal. The Oliverrian player without a shoe was about halfway down the pitch before he realized he was missing his shoe. He turned around to go get it. Not shortly after he had turned around the Oliverrians won possession. He had gotten down the pitch and had put his shoe back on and just as we was standing up a shot came flying in. He deflected the ball with his back and left Gn-Lg well out of position and the Oliverrians now had taken the lead.

At that point the Gnomes sent on Bn-Dg for Hubertino and tried to push strongly for the goal. They very nearly found the equalizer, but went from near euphoria to certain defeat. Pizelkaxrovsky had found himself open at the 30 yard mark and whistled in a shot. Unfortunately once again they found the crossbar and the bar came rebounding back the other direction. The Oliverrians quickly set up field and had great numbers, which they used to find their fourth goal and leave the Az-czzers in defeat.

Az-cz now faces winless Northern Caesarea. A win there by four goals or more guarantees the team advancement. A win with a Casari loss or tie would send the Gnomes through, as would a tie with a Casari loss. They can also qualify with a win and a Casari win if they gain signifcant goal differential on Oliverry or with a loss and a Casari loss if they lose a close game to Northern Caesarea and Casari is slaughtered by Oliverry. However we advise Gnomes fans to prepare for the possibility of a second win and a failure to advance.

Stats

Score Az-cz 2 Oliverry 4
Scorers 27 Stanleyinho 36 Ns-Ta
Possession Az-cz 59% Oliverry 41%
Shots Az-cz 15 Oliverry 11
Corners Az-cz 0 Oliverry 0

Jo-El: After today's unfortunate loss joining us today will only be coach Hawdon and Zax-Im.

Hawdon: Let me just congratulate the Oliverrians. They earned the points today. We didn't. If we'd have finished better we'd have won, or earned points, but we didn't. So here we are. Nothing else to say.

Az-cz reporter 1: Do you plan on protesting the result of the game?

Hawdon: No. We're upset with the Vilitans for not doing a better job of making sure that the game was played under proper conditions, but it wouldn't be fair to the Oliverrians for their result to be stricken.

Az-cz reporter 2: What do you think of your chances to qualify?

Hawdon: I think they're still quite alive. We control our own fate. Yes to be 100% confident of advancing we'll need a big win. But you know what? If we get six points and don't advance, we'll just have been unlucky. It happens sometimes.

Frank Dee: If you fail to advance after beating Casari, do you think your job is in danger?

Hawdon: Are you insane, Frank? You think that the national football federation feels entitled to advance because of one win. Hardly. I'm quite confident that if I want the position I'll be allowed back. Same with coach Khim.

Az-cz reporter 3: Zax-Im, how did you feel when the sprinkler goal went in.

Zax-Im: It hurt clearly. But we had our chances and failed. Yes, Oliverry got lucky. Much luckier than they deserved, but we could have beaten them. And didn't. So what can you say?

Az-cz reporter 4: How do you feel going into the next match against Northern Caesarea?

Zax-Im: Confident and loose. We're still in with a reasonable chance to qualify and even if we fail we've still made a splash by beating Casari. We'll be back. We've got a pretty young team. So we have nothing to lose.

Az-cz reporter 5: In your honest opinion what result do you expect out of the Oliverry-Casari game?

Zax-Im: I'm going to be perfectly honest with you and say I don't think that game will go how we'd like it to. I think Casari will win 3-1. Oliverry isn't really that good. They took advantage of a ton of luck, and they're certainly a top flight team, but I think Casari will win and I think Casari will be a lot more dangerous if they make it to the next round.

Az-cz reporter 6: Will there be any lineup changes for the next match?

Hawdon: No. Today's lineup will be what we use. It's taken us far and it's a good lineup. There's no reason to doubt it now.

Az-cz reporter 7: Will you change tactics to try to get more goals?

Hawdon: We will. I want the team to slide forward some, but we can't be too agressive. Winning has to be the priority.

Jo-El: We now come to the voice of the fan. Tonight's question comes from Ray-Chl. She writes "what's been the most interesting thing to you in Vilita?"

Zax-Im: Well I'd say the women, but my wife would kill me.

<everyone laughs>

Ummm..... I guess the wildlife here. From the cuddly lobsters to the jungle cats to whatever those tripodal things whatever they are. So I guess to tie the two answers together I'd say: Legs.

<everyone laughs again>

Jo-El: I agree Zax-Im. Well goodnight everyone. Here's hoping for better luck against Northern Caesarea.

"You're listening to SportsRadio 1080, BRLG-Hampton. I'm Mike Walters, and here on the phone with me is Bedistan national football team manager Vanessa Carpenter. Thanks for taking the time to talk with us, Vanessa."

"The pleasure's all mine, Mike."

"So, the final match of the group stage of this World Cup is coming up soon. And of course, the question on everyone's mind is: can your team rebound from the Spruitland disaster?"

"Most assuredly we can. After all, we bounced back from the loss to Backwardistan in qualifying, as well as the draw against the team claiming to be from Risa-Aramour, which I still cannot find on a map to this day."

"But not nearly as much hung in the balance then. This time it's a showdown with four-time champions Rejistania to advance from the group. You have to admit, the pressure is on."

"It is, yes, but we've always been able to handle pressure well, and we then proceed to apply it ourselves. Like in the third Errinundera match."

"Ha, yes, quite literally. I have here a copy of the current group table, which shows all four teams with one win and one loss and therefore three points each. Rejistania top the table on goal difference at plus three, followed by the Lions with plus one, and Errinundera and Spruitland lie at the bottom, each with minus two. A loss to the Orange-Blues therefore eliminates us, since at least one team will gain points from the Errinundera-Spruitland match. A win, on the other hand, would ensure that we go through, probably finishing first in the group. Obviously you'll be looking for the win today."

"Yes, that's right. A draw might be enough, but frankly I'd prefer to guarantee ourselves a spot in the second round."

"Yes, a draw would only be enough if Errinundera and Spruitland also draw, thanks to Rejistania's superior goal difference. Either team winning that match would take first place, the Rejis would be second, and we'd be left out in third."

"And we'll be doing our utmost to ensure that we're not left in that sticky situation."

"I'm sure you will. It's been a great pleasure to have you on the show."

"And the feeling is mutual."

"So there you have it, Lions coach Vanessa Carpenter apparently wants to win against Rejistania. Can't say that was really a surprise to be honest. We'll be back in just a couple minutes to discuss the possibility of professional hockey finally coming to Bedistan. Stay tuned to SportsRadio 1080!"

Vazaro Mealura and Tiaza Weaui were talking in the office of Mr. Mealura, the head of the marketing department for Meaty Joe's Seafood Shack.

Weaui: Are you kidding me? You want to give out free food and gift certificates to anyone who shows up at the Az-cz game wearing either Az-cz or Meaty Joe's gear? Are you nuts.

Mealura: No I've talked to Mr. Hoeimii about this. He's dead set on opening a Meaty Joe's in Az-cz and becoming a huge Atlantian Oceania wide chain.

Weaui: But you do know there's no profit to be made in Az-cz right? It's a country of communistic theives.

Mealura: Ahhh, expand your mind my dear. First off, there is money to be made. Yes, there's no profit to be made off Az-czzers in Az-cz, but there is money to be made. Basically the Az-czid business is break even, but any business off of tourists in Az-cz is profit. For example if a Vilitan on vacation in Az-cz wants some more familiar Vilitan food it'll be available. But that's not all. There's also the opposite flow. If it becomes popular in Az-cz, when they travel here, say for soccer matches against Vilita, or to watch their famous surfers or whatever, then we can make profit off them if they eat at a meaty joes.

Weaui: Man you serious marketing guys think wicked long term.

Mealura: Plus we can continue to cash in on the pheGnomenon. Plus following the labor policies of the Az-czzers will attract the liking of the hippy fringe here in Vilita. You see, there's no real danger in not making money in Az-cz. It doesn't hurt us. And the publicity is very valuable.

Weaui: Ok. So it makes sense to expand into the Az-czid market. But free food for everyone at that match wearing Az-czid colors. That could be 40,000 people.

Mealura: Trust me. It's worth it. We've looked into it and we're doing it. It's your job to figure out how to make it work. We don't have much time, so get it done.

Weaui: Ok. You're the boss.

The Daily Quak
Quakmybush's Longest Running Daily Newspaper
Down To The Last Day

The Quakmybush National Soccer team played their second game of the group stages of the World Cup Proper. The team came up short with a 2-1 loss against Schiavonia. The Sharks came out flying, Jon Fields hit the post in the 5th minute, and Cory Sorley decided to hit it again in the 7th. It was Schiavonia who stuck first though. Jermaine Edwards took a shot from the top of the box, this shot found its way into the top corner. 1-0 Schiavonia. The score stayed that way untill half time. The teams came out in the second half looking for more. In the 56th minute the Sharks finally scored. Ryan Fret came down the left side, lobbed a shot towards the net that went in. 1-1 score. That is how it stayed until the 85th minute when Jermaine Edwards put another one by Cam Carroll. This made it 2-1 Schiavonia, and this is how the game would end.

This results puts the Sharks qualifying chances in a very tough spot. Here are the situations for qualifying.

A Quakmybush Win: If it by at least three, with at least 4 goals scored we are in, if we win by any amount and Schiavonia and The Lowland Clans draw, we are in.

A Quakmybush Tie: Kiss it goodbye.

A Quakmybush Loss: See above

So it will take a win to get the Sharks through to the next round. Be sure to watch the match on QSN tonight.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

Close win keeps Milchama in the hunt

The Milchama Warriors did quite well in a close match against Vilita to pull out a 3-2 victory after two goals from Floren Albentine to get 3 points and move to third place, behind Bettia on goal difference. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We played well today, it was a tough game but that's what you expect at the World Cup, games like Commerce Height's 6-1 thrashing are rare indeed. All we need to do is keep any game close and we can win. We weren't able to do that agianst Bettia, some from bad luck and some from just poor play. We kept it close against Vilita and won. It's not a hard startegy and a strategy we can replicate against Cuation to get a win." Now, because quite frankly, more people seem to read the thing when it is a score report, a daily report of how they scored and more! brought to you by Milchama TV 2: "If it's not TV 2 then its probably good TV."

18th minute: It's been a good tussle so far but now Vilita is starting to get some good momentum. Theirry Columbo on the wing. He's trying to out maneuver Stockholm but he won't do it as he passes to the middle to Soler. Soler forward with a cheeky lob over a charging Mergle to create a one on one situation with Clay Finton and Kris Wrice. Wrice gets there first and shoots in around Finton, Stockholm slides but its not enough, GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! 1-0 Vilita. Kris Wrice being first to get the lob from Inaki Soler and scoring to give Vilita the lead.

28th minute: Still no response from the Warriors. They are getting caught up in midfield as the Jungle Cat midfield has made the game a real quagmire. Kilinin tries to get through by passing to Clufor. They need a creative spark and its just not coming right now. Clufor to drive forward but its taken by Columbo and still nothing from the Warriors.

45th minute: In a Vilitan dominated half the Warriors could never get the ball moving, the momentum was slowed and any semblance of a quick counter attack was never established. These thing need to change in the second half for Milchama to even have a chance at success.

46th minute: Antoine Sanchez in for Del Clufor.

47th minute: Sanchez with his first touch, he makes a move on Soler and passes the ball wide to Aaron Kary who get it back to Sanchez who goes forward and find a streaking Kelvin Josesph he finds Joseph, whose onside!, Albentine slowly trailing behind him as Joseph passes to a wide open Albentine across the box, its a tap in! 1-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Antoine Sanchez immediately making a difference as he finds Kelvin Joseph to start a quick break and put Milchama back on level terms.

50th minute: The Vilitans are now in a confusion as Sanchez again has the ball. He goes way out wide and far to Marin Keffer. Keffer, who has been silent throughout the World Cup comes to life now, he makes a move on Willie Fenn. Ricky Ezis comes up to challenge him but Keffer darts around him and passes to Sanchez who quickly moves it to Floren Albentine on the other side of the box. Albentine lines it up, shoots! 2-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Floren Albentine has the double and has given Milchama the lead after some great work from both Antoine Sanchez and Marin Keffer. Sanchez might not have gotten as mcuh playing time as he would have liked but boy is he making up for it now with two assists and is leading Milchama all over the field what a performance.

67th minute: Barrett M. Lonnen with the ball now. He looks central to Antoine Sanchez but won't find him so he goes forward to Marin Keffer. Keffer, who has looked dangerous the whole game, starts forward easily past Soker, now past Fenn he's still no the wing though. Fenn catches up, he's going to need to bring it central now but Keffer can do it. He again beats Fenn and is now against Makose, Makose tries to get Keffer but won't do it as he goes back jumps around him and shoots! GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Wonder goal for Marin Keffer. He played the Vilitan defense like an instrument and easily gave the Warriors a 3-1 lead. They should go back and play defense and win now.

82nd minute: Milchama on the attack they are going for it, OH NO! Eriz with the steal to Hulyer. Jonjo Hulyer up the field with only Chase Mergle and Clay Finton between him and a goal. Here comes Tika Massa, Mergle tries to get inbetween them but Hulyer waits and then pulls the trigger, Massa is onside. Finton staying calm in a rare literal shootout oppurtunity. Everybody else is coming back now but it will probably be too late as its Massa against Finton. Finton tries to dive on it but Massa gets away and easily tucks the ball away, 3-2. Vilita pulls one back in beautiful and excruciating fashion. Now Milchama fans have to sweat for the next 8 minutes to see if the Warriors can hold on and get a win.

90th minute: The answer is yes! Milchama holds on to get the 3-2 thanks to 3 second half goals. Thank god! what a game for the Warriors!.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Albentine 47, 50, Keffer 67)
Vilita 2 (Wrice 18, Massa 82)

Milchama Man of the Match:
Who else but Antoine Sanchez. After he came in the complexion of the game completely changed, he made his case for the starting and made it really well. We'll see who Smith chooses next game to start.

The setting for this post is a rather nice hotel in the Lowland Clans, in the middle of a major city that shall, for the purpose of maintaining what we're sure is a sterling reputation as an upstanding examplar of the modern body civic. The uppermost three floors have been booked in their entirety by the NMS national side, and came complete with no fewer than six spacious decks, decorated with a variety of native fauna, as well as stone-pit barbecues and extremely comfortable and tasteful deck furniture. It only took one decent-sized victory party, subsequent to a 3-2 upending of the Crusaders, to turn it all to pot.

Billy Corcoran and André Darcy, each with a goal against Jeruselem as a feather in their caps, are sitting in the rubble while housekeeping proceeds with the Herculean task of cleansing the aftermath. Each forward is holding a longneck of fine local brewing, containing not beer but actually some high-quality mead. Both are feeling rather sluggish, as everyone ought to after a really good party. Darcy is twiddling a one-page room service menu while Corcoran sips his mead and pages through various internet sites.

"Eh. I'm gonna order something from the menu, you want anything?"

"Yeah, some berries."

"Berries?"

"Yeah."

"They in season here?"

"Are they on the menu?"

"...yeah, looks like it. I'll phone down." Darcy picked up the cordless and started punching in a speeddail code. He put the phone back down after a few seconds. "Damn, wrong number."

"How do you fuck up calling down for some berries? And, for that matter, how do you know that wasn't really room service?"

"As for fucking up, I think I switched 37 and 73 around on the keypad. And unless Lowland Clans room service involves bored-sounding women discussing the various undergarment they're wearing, I'm fairly sure I screwed up."

Corcoran went back to his laptop. Darcy went back to his phone. Berries were procured, hangovers nursed, laptops perused. Quakmybush adolescents, as a group, were discarded as being hopeless idiots for not know that a resident of the New Montreal States was called a "Montréalais," or, if the resident was a member of the fairer sex, a "Montréalaise." Imagination and wit were at a premium, as they usually were on a morning after a gigantic party. This post, if anything, should bear witness to this fact.

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV,live from the King Francesco Stadium in Kingsbury. I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone."

"It's that time again, Fil."

"It certainly is, Mike. The day that has every Schiavone fan on the edge of their seats, the one that seems to mean more than any other... it's the last game of the World Cup Group Stage!"

"Yes, for some reason, this is the one that gets Schiavone fans most interested in the cup. The only way that we could top it is by getting to the semi-finals, but I don't think that'll be happening for a while, eh Fil?"

"No, Mike."

"You really did sound stupid when you said that we could get that far, you know?"

"I know."

"So we're here, and once again our destiny is in our own hands. An away win here in Graham City, and we go through. Draw and it's out of our hands, lose... well, the sloths will be back to sleep."

"Bad pun, Mike."

"Sorry. Well, Schiavonia have a good recent record at this stage, doing enough in their last two games at this stage against Nedalia and Total n Utter Insanity, but many back home believe that it will be another case of the steady progression of two steps forward, one step back that we saw during the Sloths' first three cups."

"Any idea who today's winners will be facing in the next stage?"

"No. The hosts still haven't released any further schedule."

"Oh."

"Is there anything else we can do to build the tension up at home?"

"You could read the team out."

"We're unchanged."

"You just want to get the first break out of the way, don't you?"

"Yes. I've drunk to much Pepsioli before we came on air and now I really need the toilet."

"Well join myself and Mike after the break for Schaivonia's biggest match for four years! Which we'll probably lose..."

"Probably."

A Bazalonian man, his figure and the details of his face are hiddenbehind a shroud of secrecy. A Hooded jacket, he was toiling away on something like a man possesed. "Call us Bazaians, will ya?" he said before trailing off into a long draft of maniacle laughter eminated from the hood and echoed down the large and practically empty warehouse.

The thing that he was working on was something that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and shiver. It was a radiological bomb, more commonly known as a dirty bomb. Never mind how he got the ingredients, the know how or even the safety equipment but he was building one to go and destroy those 2 Quakmybushian dingbats that had the tenacity to call him a Bazaian.

Well, that would actually what had happened in a roleplay on Nationstates.scv if it had not been shut down by the people running it. This guy, he went by the name of Androtonia, which just happened to be the name of his most prominent nation in the world. Totally disappointed that his favourite online game had been shut down but he had an idea, bring the Nationstates.scv concept to Bazalonia, tweak it to the extent that they could not file and civil suits and then Bwa... Start it up again.

Now the only thing is what to call it.. Simstate. nah... Simcountry... nah... Cybernation. perhaps... CyberStates!.. That's it exactly. Now he just needed to get some people on the ground floor with him. Some people to do graphics and some cool assigning territory and a whole raft of other systems. CyberStates is going to rock.

Meanwhile other people where getting antsy about the upcoming QuakMyBush match. This is a game that will determine Bazalonia's soccer pride forever, after a great start a practically dismal first half of the 2nd match. The third and final match will determine whether QuakMyBush the third timers or Bazalonia 2nd timers may somehow manage to get through. QuakMyBush some how got into the world cup in their first attempt. As a result you know they are a team to be worried about the only question is "can the Bazalopes do it". They are currently on top of the ladder and a win will guarantee a top ladder finish A draw will guarantee they make it into the an a lose could potential leave 3 teams on 4 points.

Pro-Orthodox Game Plan?
Liverpool England could go out

Amid all the controversy on the day of the draw for the World Cup Finals, an anti-Orthodoxy bias was espoused in the direction of anyone with the misfortune to be within earshot. With the Second- and Third-ranked teams in the world placed into Group D - Starblaydia and Liverpool England respectively - along with the 18th-ranked Archregimancy. They also got 64th-ranked uber-surprise qualifiers Demot, but they conveniently forgot about that minor point.

So when Matchday Three of the Group Stage comes around and The Archregimancy find themselves level on three points with Liverpool England, there is now the possibility of Starblaydia and The Archregimancy progressing, if only the Orthodox Monk-ee-boys can get more points against Demot than Liverpool England take from Starblaydia. Equal points, equal goal difference, but with Liverpool England ahead on goals scored, the thought of an Archregimancy victory over Demot is almost certain. The one question remains, can Starblaydia hold off Liverpool England's furious charge to keep the third-ranked side out of the last sixteen?

Oh, and one more thing. In response to the blatantly false allegation that The Lowland Clans Football Association weren't following their duties of playing national anthems in full ("Why wasn't [The Archregimancy] anthem played in full before the Starblaydia match then?"), we have only on thing to say: Bluetooth Mp3 players. Surely you don't think the Starblaydi players tapped their feet along to two hours of droning, do you?

Final Score
Starblaydia 4 - 1 Demot
(Karo 11, Asante 38, Donii 56 + 73) - (Ysman 81)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Coverage

Stars Nearly Upset Bazalopes, Look to Take Out Schiavone
Rachel Masters

GRAHAM CITY - It was nearly a match for the ages today as the Galaxy played group leaders Bazalonia. It was perhaps the biggest match ever in over three decades since Clan football has languished in mediocrity. Despite a good helping of talent, the former Stars had really been perhaps the most underachieving team ever in the World Cup, right up there with Hypocria. But now it seems, with the name change, a new manager, a young talented squad that is looking to really create a new culture of victory rather than the one of under-achievement that had been dominating Clan football recently. The City International Stadium was packed full once again as the Galaxy and Bazalopes took the field at 7:00 PM local time. The national anthem was sung with great heart and there we're huge banners and flags and navy and white everywhere in the stadium, and they easily drowned out the fairly large Bazalonian group. Casey Dellet refused to grant pre-game interviews, and spent it with his team talking over their strategy and getting them ready for the match.

There had been a lot of questioning in the local media, especially since the Bazalopes were favored to take the group handily and stroll into the knockout stages. "It was odd though, despite all the negativity, this is really the first international match I've gotten really excited for in ages!" said fan Greg Castello. The young Galaxy showed their heart and readiness to do anything to get this team into the knockout stages with their play, especially in the first half. After the game, Dellet declared that it had been almost impossible to keep them calmed down. "It was great to see, because I've been in football a long time, and I don't think I've seen such youthful energy ever. Even when I managed the U-21s and the StarsB, nothing like it. It made me feel about twenty years younger." Fans also remarked that the energy of the team was really transferring to the general populace. "Flags have been flying in windows, people were playing football in the streets, it's like nothing I've ever seen!" declared an excited merchandise vendor in the stadium.

With the match beginning, it was clear to see that the Bazalopes hadn't anticipated such a strong home presence. Cowed by the huge crowd, they made quite a few mistakes that had plagued Stars teams in the past. But the youthful energy of the Galaxy was only heightened by the loud support. Iska Djukashenki nearly put the Galaxy up early after a long ball rapped off the crossbar, and played an excellent game wreaking havoc up the middle of the pitch. The Bazalopes seemed unable to keep a hold of the ball and make a serious push forward, allowing the Galaxy to capitalize on almost sixty percent possession with a monster twelve shots on goal in the first half. The Galaxy also looked surprisingly good on set pieces as well, with Elliot Deldier taking several excellent corners and being a general nuisance on the left side, burst up and down and maneuver without impediment. After two near misses, Ryley Bloudin scored his first goal of the competition after taking a cross from Amalido Joeira and settling in the box, pivoting around the challenge from Kevin Balsom, and then roofing it past keeper Jeff Konstantine.

The Galaxy continued to press, hitting another post and having a goal stolen off on the line by Andrew Creek, who was unusually docile on defense and who looked lost at times on the field. Silas McGinney continued his fine play, looking like he could eventually lead the Galaxy to a World Cup. His passing ability really shone through as he threaded pass after pass into the middle of the field and through defenders and out to the wings. He scored his second goal in the forty-first minute, catching the rebound off of a errant Joeira cross and placed it into the back of the net, unmarked and unchallenged. It looked like the Galaxy could do no wrong. The Bazalopes nearly came with a quick fightback and put the scores at 2-1, but James Kantwell was clearly offside. Controversy came in extra time however, when the Galaxy looked to have take a three-nothing lead, but the officials declared it offside. The whistles from the fans could be heard all around. The ref had to be taken away by police helicopter, and several fans had to be taken out of the stadium. Upon further review, it appeared that Graham Innisworth, was indeed offside, but it wasn't terribly clear. After an amazing first half the Galaxy looked liked they were going to take a clear lead in the group.

However, the Bazalopes came up with some magic in the second half. They finally put together a period of sustained pressure and got a goal that was fairly controversial after it looked like Irchov handled it in the box, but after the game, Dellet conceded to let it go had been the correct decision. The Bazalopes continued their fight back, with the Galaxy continuing to apply pressure, making Jeff Konstantine make several beautiful saves to keep the Bazalopes in the game. They finally drew even after a brilliant move from Kantwell, who used some solid technique to get into the box, and then pass it to Peter Hobble, who put it top corner, past Darian Santander who had been going the other way. To the Galaxy's credit, they continued to put pressure on the Bazalopes, and infact looked as if they had put themselves ahead, but a beautiful reach back by defender Steven Conne saved the Bazalopes from embarrassment.

After the game, Dellet had nothing other than praise for his young team. "They showed significant maturity in continuing to fight back and not give up after Hobble drew even. They played brilliantly, and I am confident we can beat Schiavonia." The fans, despite the draw, still felt the energy of a potential second-round birth flow through their veins. A banner was up in a pub reading "It's About Time We Won!" The optimism is contagious. Let's hope Schiavonia gets a cold.

OOC: No hate OOCly, just a little joke.

IC:
Excelites suspect 'result switching'

The Excelite Temple of Rejistania has announced that they suspect a conspiracy in the results of the last matchday. High Priest Syku Lyku explained it like this: "All these oddball teams in our group defeated the clear favorites - highly. We believe that the seldom occasion of 'result switching' occured." According to Excelite faith, a result switching is one of the few occasions when a 'player' makes himself known to the mortals. Therefore, such an event needs to be 'worshiped even if we were on the receiving end'. The ooCalcite Temple, the worshipers of the Holy Java and the Cult of kSpread, whose essential beliefs are quite similar, but differ in some neuralgic points, also decided to go to their temples, akehele'ny or gurdwaras and worship the Holy Players (or in the case of the Javanites: the Divine Programmers). Those who do not believe in these religions (which is more than 95% of the population) are just annoyed about hte loss and hope the Orange-Blues improve against Bedistan.

This is your match report.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/COM/ Unified Capitalizt States (SLANI) 6
Bolúfero 9, 28, 62, Elliott 12, Krišanović 38, Σκαλκώτας 73
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/GEI/ Geisenfried 1
Wolfe 81

This is your match report on Ariddia.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png Commerce Heights 6-1 Geisenfried http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png

This is your match report on Az-cz.

Score Commerce Heights 6 Geisenfried 1
Scorers 9 Bolúfero 12 Elliott 28 Bolúfero 38 Krišanović 62 Bolúfero 73 Skalkṓtas
Possession Commerce Heights 68% Geisenfried 32%
Shots Commerce Heights 17 Geisenfried 3
Corners Commerce Heights 2 Geisenfried 4

This is your match report on Bedistan.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png COMMERCE HEIGHTS 6
Bolúfero 9', 28', 62'; Elliott 12'; Krišanović 38'; Skalkṓtas 73'
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png GEISENFRIED 1
Wolfe 81'

This is your match report on Bettia.

Commerce Heights 6 (Bolúfero 9 28 62, Elliott 12, Krišanovic 38, Skalkṓtas 73)
Geisenfried 1 (Wolfe 81)

This is your match report on Errinundera.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png
Commerce Heights 6
Bolúfero 9, 28, 62, Elliott 12, Krišanović 38, Skalkṓtas 73
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png
Geisenfried 1
Wolfe 81

This is your match report on Milchama.

Final Score:
Commerce Heights 6 (Bolúfero 9, 28, 62, Elliott 12, Krišanović 38, Skalkṓtas 73)
Geisenfried 1 (Wolfe 81)

This is your match report on Starblaydia.

Final Score
Commerce Heights 6 - 1 Geisenfried
(Bolúfero 9 + 28 + 62, Elliott 12, Krišanović 38, Skalkṓtas 73) - (Wolfe 81)

This is your match report on Aquilla.

UCS won over Geisenfried 6-1

Any questions?

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Oh Bloody Hell, We've lost.

It was World Cup 27 all over again. Turori vs. Squornshelous. Turori loses 2-3. The Eels ended that group on just 1 point, bottom of the table. Turori now sits on just one point, with one game left to play. The Eels will square off with Geisenfried with everything on the line. Geisenfried have looked less than worthy, having lost 6-1 against Commerce Heights on Matchday 2. If Turori is going to have any chance at qualifying, however, they are going to have to duplicate that feat, or hope for a Unified Capitalizt drubbing by the already-qualified Squornshelous.

Turori looked much more impressive in their match with Squornshelous then they did against Commerce Heights. Against the Capitalizt SLANI, The Eels required a late-match bribe to pull out just a draw. But, if results go properly, that bribe could save Turori's chance to qualify for the Round of 16. Despite the dissapointing loss to Squornshelous, the Eels can still advance with a win over Geisenfried, and a loss by the Unified Capitalizt States to Squornshelous. The real question is, will already-qualified Squornshelous put out a full squad against Commerce Heights, or will they already be looking ahead to the Round of 16? It's not looking great for Turori, as they would have to duplicate the Capitalizt SLANI's 6-1 result over Geisenfried just to be able to think about advancing, with a 6 goal differential to make up even if the points go in their favor. It is a tall order, but thankfully, Cocoabo's don't care. They just play football.

In a surprise move, Turorian coach Jualiar Vumaou has announced that he will be dressed for the match against Geisenfried. It appears that, in the absense of a full lineup of Cocoabo's, Vumaou has already added himself to the roster, despite not having suited for the opening two matches. Vumaoau, who has not been in competition for some time, is well past his playing prime, but perhaps rejuvinated after entering the World Cup 30 Penalty Shootout competiton. When interviewed, coach Vumaou indicated that, while he did not expect to play any part in the match, it was best to be prepared in such a vital match, especially as the Cocoabo's would not be terribly aware of the scenario taking place in Squornshelous vs. Commerce Heights, while Vumaou would be able to better grasp any late match urgency if needed.

It would have been Ideal for Turori to have at least drawn with Squornshelous. If they had, they would be just two points behind both Squornshelous and Commerce Heights, and favorites to advance with any result favoring the two sides in their matchup. But as it stands, the Eels go into the final matchday as underdogs, even if they do win the final match. It is, however, not as perilous as Group G, where Bedistan and Rejistania square off in a match that, should one team win, the other will go home early, opening the door for the winner of the Errinundera vs. Spruitland match to steal a surprise place in the final 16.

Accross the Cove, Vilita are in an equally disturbing position having taken just 1 point from their opening two games, and must now use the power of Red to defeat Bettia if they are to stand any chance of advancing in front of their home fans. The last time the World Cup was officially held in Vilita, the hosts were ousted by Liverpool England at the Quarter Final stage.

In the other group being played in Vilita, Az-Cz started sweetly by handing Casari it's first World Cup 31 defeat, finals or Qualifying, but faltered against Oliverry allowing the big dogs to reclaim the upper hand. However, Oliverry and Casari square off on the final matchday, allowing the possibility for the debutant Az-Cz to advance in their first attempt should they defeat Northern Caesaeria, the empire's nemesis in World Cup 30.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png - http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/geisenfried.png


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png Turori Eels 2
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png Squornshelous 3




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World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story
The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43) :: [0] :: Vumaou's Flock Returns Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83) :: [0] :: Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94) :: [1] :: Flock downs Lexington Cats (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828693&postcount=141) :: [2] :: Checkpoint Karela: Achieved (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832859&postcount=177) :: [3] :: Checkpoint Karela: Failed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838009&postcount=219) :: [4] :: Topia Roped: Eels Breathe at Top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842118&postcount=255) :: [5] :: Lovisa Lose. Turori Win. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11846814&postcount=295) :: [6] :: Vumaou's Flock in Viking Raid (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11851620&postcount=334) :: [7] :: Point Taken, Death and the Dreams that follow. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11856310&postcount=375) :: [8] :: Disterfred Supports Ariddian Stance (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11861689&postcount=407) :: [9] :: Flock in Florida Falter (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11869660&postcount=444) :: [10] :: Flock Back on Top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11875294&postcount=485) :: [11] :: Six Returns as Flock net Four in BBQ Roast (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11879759&postcount=513) :: [12] :: Defense Collapses as Eels Fall to Second (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11882406&postcount=542) :: [13] :: Naked Topian's Left Limp (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11888865&postcount=580) :: [14] :: Vumaou no show Lovisa lose Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11893258&postcount=606) :: [15] :: Vikings Sunk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11896164&postcount=627) :: [16] :: Unbeaten No More (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11901186&postcount=654) :: [17] :: Flock Plijing to Vilita (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11906587&postcount=680) :: [18] :: We Present to thee, Cocoabo Six-Hundred Ninety Three! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11912165&postcount=711) :: [MD0] :: Flock Squorned in Group Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11921448&postcount=743) :: [MD1] :: Capitalizt Weakness ensures Turori Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11930958&postcount=780)

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World Cup XXXI Preview
The definative guide to the World Cup



Group E

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Vilita.png - Vilita
The other hosts have an interesting group, with evenly matched teams and this is where the home advantage will come into help. Should progress to the Second Round, but not further. Tough games against Bettia and Milchama will test their resolve. Lack of game preparation could hamper their initial perfomances, but don't count the hosts out.

Player to watch out for: Kristofer Kilpter

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bettia.png - Bettia
The perennial underachievers of the World Cup, with a great offence often let down by a defensive lapse, but after a good solid performance in qualifying it looks like Bettia may this time get as far as the talent in the team should get them. Tough games against Vilita and Milchama, but should come out strong to perhaps top the group and make the quarter-finals at least.

Player to watch out for: Gwarthen Rhydderch

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Milchama.png - Milchama
Another offensive (footballing) team in the group however finished a point below fellow group team Bettia and may fall short again of Bettia with Vilita or even Cuation sneaking the place instead of them. Looking nothing like the team of old, they will have to play at thier best to progress to the next round, with that likely being the furthest they can go.

Player to watch out for: Barrett M. Lonnen

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Cuation.png - Cuation
The only real defensive team of the group but not shy of scoring a few goals either, an unexpectedly strong qualifying performance putting them into the World Cup. Perhaps they will do the unexpected in this stage as well, although if they make it the Second Round may be where the dream ends.

Player to watch out for: Jude Tanner

Page 5

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Abide by the Teal :: Part IV - No use for a Name


This is Callum Banda (head coach) and Jimmy Kater (Assistant) talking first before, then after the Milchama match.


Well, those damn Oliverrian kits didn't help much.

No, We couldn't put the damn ball in the net. I know they are karelan, but come on.

Yea, we've got to be able to score goals or we're never going to advance.

0-0, thats just boring as hell. I felt like running onto the field and putting the ball into the net. I didn't care if the ref ordered me to the stands. I just wanted to see a ball go into the net for crying out loud.

I hear ya.

Well, that Kits out of the question. What do we have on tap for next match? Against Milchama?

That would be the JMC kits from Krytenia. They are in the box downstairs.

Well lets have a look at them.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/jmc.gif

Yuck. What are we going backwards in time?

I think so.

Whatever, we'll have to deal!

Definately. Can't be worse than a 0-0 draw.

----

Well. It was worse. What the hell was that.

We should have been 3 goals to the good at the half. Who the hell was that bitch that came on at the half?

I don't know. Some Ufkcing Milchaman.

Well, yea I figured, we were playing Milchama.

Well, yea, but whatever. That leaves us up Turori's creek without a paddle.

Yes, one point from two. We better beat the Bettians.

I wonder if we got those red kits yet?

I don't know, I haven't seen them, they are suppoosed to arrive day of the match.

Well, at least we're playing at The Shultis, don't have far to go, the shop is just down the street.

3wide Designs?

Yea.

Yea.

Yea.

Okay then, so, We just have to beat Bettia.

Not as easy as it sounds.

True. But we beat them regionally and won that tournament.

Yea, they look like pansies in Blue, or Pink. They are all rejects from the red.

Damn straight. We've got them. So long as our red kits show up.

Hope those red kits show up.

Damn straight.



To be continued....


Abide by the Teal ::
Part I - The Teal Shortage (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11921868&postcount=745)
Part II - The Magic Map (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11922274&postcount=749)

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World Cup XXXI Preview
The definative guide to the World Cup



Group F

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Squornshelous.png - Squornshelous
A rising force in the footballing community, unlucky to be knocked out on penalties in the last World Cup, with a formidable attacking lineup fearing by defences across the world. Should definately be in the Quarter-finals and perhaps will manange to reach the Semi-Finals.

Player to watch out for: Jaromil Ctibor

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Commerce Heights.png - Commerce Heights
Yet another brave soldier in the fight for Takil against the magicians for Karela. Having amassed a massive 70 goals in qualifying missing out on the top spot by just one point, should secure the second spot in the group and re-light memories of the old Commerce Heights.

Player to watch out for: Albin Krišanović

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Turori.png - Turori
A strange sight in a World Cup thats seen human-sized mice among its many strange sights, this team appear to be a bunch of minor characters from an old popular game in The Islands of Qutar the Final Fantasy VII, however they have put up a good fight and may cause some upsets in the group but perhaps unlikely to progress.

Player to watch out for: Cocoabo #26

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Geisenfried.png - Geisenfried
Managing to get a place thanks to the disintagration of Chicanada. Not looking to be much of a threat and perhaps be the whipping boys of the group with the forwards of Squornshelous and Commerce Heights looking forward to facing them.

Player to watch out for: Max Sauber

Page 6

RP Cutoff for the Group Stage of the WC xXxI Finals.


The Lowland Clans Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11939927&postcount=25) -- Vilita Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11939929&postcount=26)

Liverpool England go out despite strong showing in win over Starblaydia

AKA

Dammit, goal difference!

So, while the Liverpool England attack delivered on the day, with three magnificent goals against Starblaydia, the defence failed, letting in two goals which ultimately sealed the elimination of the squad at just the group stage, the team's worse performance at a World Cup in recent history.

Both team manager Thomas Lunson and FALE Chairman Marc Newells resigned from their positions after the match, although it is widely believed that Lunson will be appointed to replace Newells, to lead the team forward.

Oh, and about our goal competition.

Goals scored: 85
Games played: 21
Goals scored per game: 4.04

The winners are, from Bazalonia, former Prime Minister Stephen Hawdon, who guessed 87 goals in 21 games (4.14), and from Az-cz, Tex-Mex, who guessed... exactly the same. Since there's only one World Cup Final ball on giveaway, the other will win L£730,000, which is the estimated value of the ball.

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Abide by the Teal :: Part V - The Horror at The Shultis


This is Callum Banda (head coach) and Rory Issah (FA President)


What the hell happened out there! 1-7?! That has to be the worst defeat on home soil in the history of the finals. Hell, its probably the worst defeat ever in the finals!

I'm sorry sir. But those kits, the players just couldn't play in them.

Why the hell were we wearing the Casarian kits? Where the hell were the red ones?

That assistant sir. He said he was coming back with the red kits. He showed up 20 minutes before the game with a box filled with the old Casari kits they made for us that we didn't want to use because they were a rip off of our old design and they felt worse than wearing a porcupine on our backs.

Why the hell didn't we have the red shirts!

He said something about them not having any red.

Not having any red! First they don't have red, then they don't have teal!

Well, sir, they never carry red. They have to order it. They ordered some, but it hasn't arrived yet.

Well what the hell good does that do us?

Well sir, I don't think the assistant told them we needed it by today I think they thought they were for next cup or something.

That little! If the Casari kits felt so horrible, why not just wear the damn JMC or OTC kits?

You had them auctioned off on iBay, sir.

Oh right. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

I'm sorry sir.

Callum, You and me go way back.

We do.

Stop calling me sir, I'm no longer your boss.

Come on, Rory, it was the kits!

What are the people going to think? Are they really going to care about the kits? I have to show them that this isn't going to happen next cup. Go back to Arcticala, win some titles, enjoy yourself. Let Jimmy take over the National Team. Maybe get back on his staff in the future.

Understandable.

Anyway, will you bring this down to Ialika in the main office and tell her to send it out to all nations applicable?

http://3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/bracket.gif

Yea, I've got it, speak with you tomorrow.





The End.

Az-cz Scroll
Crosaibi
Em-Nm

Gnomes struggle with Northern Caesarea, but advance anyways

Coming into the match against Northern Caesarea it seemd imperative that if the Gnomes were to advance they would have to prove they were the far better team than their opponents. However they failed to remotely do so.

The game started out with a bunch of pandemonium outside the stadium. Meaty Joe's had promised free food to everyone in the stadium who showed up in Pink & Green. However there were basically no Northern Caesarea fans to be found, and since the stadium was filled past capacity there was a shortage of food. So their were some angry Az-czid fans mixed in amongst the happy ones.

With the murmur amongst the crowd there was a lot of anxinousness amognst the crowd but the two teams did nothing to change that. Northern Caesarea was playing a very strong counterattacking system and their was very little offense to be spoken of.

At the half both teams were at even score and the fans mood was soon to worsen. The Northern Caesareans soon took the lead. With a well taken corner kick going high in the box they hooked up in the 55th minute to move ahead of the Gnomes. At that point it wasn't hard to find the 30 or so people in the stadium rooting for Northern Caesarea.

The Gnomes then went to the bench bringing on Bub-Rub for Hubertino, but with Northern Caesarea sitting back the Gnomes were having significant problems getting through their defense.

In the 80th minute the team through all caution to the wind taking off Haji-Me and Zax-Im and bringing on Ip-Gp and Uz-Gz. And they continued to press and struggled, but eventually Ip-Gp once again stepped up and pushed the Gnomes through to earn a point against Northern Caesarea. In the 88th minute he earned possession and cut through the Northern Caesarea defense then threaded the ball perfectly to Bub-Rub who blasted home the equalizer.

The Gnomes managed to earn a point, but that by itself wasn't enough to see the Robbers through. However Oli provided the necessary result, beating Casari 2-0 to see the Gnomes into the knockouts. Next up for Az-cz is the current number 1 team in the world and defending champions, Bedistan.

Stats
Score Az-cz 1 Northern Caesarea 1
Scorers 89 Bub-Rub
Possession Az-cz 40% Northern Caesarea 60%
Shots Az-cz 6 Northern Caesarea 9
Corners Az-cz 0 Northern Caesarea 1

Dazza kissing Ricky Pointy Stick

Ricky: Hi, I'm Ricky Pointy Stick and that's Dazza Dallas who's all over me. She's just happy ... really happy, I'm mean excited bimbo happy.
Dazza: Oh yeah! I'm happy alright!

Ricky: Oh, yes this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE and not some soap opera.
Dazza: Ricky, THE FOOTBALL LIFE is soap opera!

Ricky: Today, Jeruselem took on Qazox. We know that team - it was the Women's World Cup 5 champs against the champs from 4. A game people should not have missed! Dazza and team against the Ox team. One big rivalry.
Dazza: And once again, the Crusaders charge on! Dazza's troops slew the Ox - after one hell of a fight.

Ricky: Jeruselem did win THREE TWO and guaranteed their place in the 2nd round. The Qazox team have to go home but they did their best against the best like Jeruselem and New Montreal States.
Dazza: The scoreline did reflect the game with both teams putting in 110%. However, our team with veterans like me showed what experience gives you - the edge. The young Qazox team did their best to win and we salute them for that, but it's an evil cutthroat business. We think they might do better next World Cup.

Ricky: So Jeruselem make it to 2nd round once again, and Dallas sister from hell is making waves again. Oh yes, I met Debbie yesterday. This Dallas family is pretty good looking and heck, her daughter Rashina is looking like another super Dallas girl too.
Dazza: So I guess your sons are going to be visiting my place soon.

Ricky: Well, yeah. My son has you all over his wall including them naughty photos.
Dazza: I'll drop by and sign them when I have the chance.

Ricky: Back to football, the Paladins sunk the Islanders of Qutar with a nuclear bomb. It's over for The Islands of Qutar - they got smashed FIVE NIL. Makes Jeruselem's loss look good. So the Crusaders and Paladins slay the heretics and march on the soccer Holy Land. The Paladins did top the group with seven points and Jeruselem 2nd on six.
Dazza: Which means we have to review Group D - the group of Death.

Ricky: Well, funny thing happen. Liverpool England BEAT Starblaydia THREE TWO - yes, the Starblaydia team lost their third game. The Terminators did a Qazox again and did something people dream about. However, Starblaydia still progress due to their goal difference and Liverpool England did not despite this.
Dazza: Starblaydia are not GOD - as it proves for the third time.

Ricky: The mad monks - they displace the Terminators! Oh yes, they trashed Demot and take 2nd spot on goal difference. The Archregimancy proved god is on their side like God helped Jeruselem and New Montreal States.
Dazza: Well done mad monks! The group of Death was define by the The Archregimancy beating Liverpool England otherwise, the Terminators would have progressed.

Ricky: And this means?
Dazza: Well, guess who we play?

Ricky: The Archregimancy?
Dazza: That would be nice but no - it's Starblaydia.

Ricky: Oh ...
Dazza: But Dazza's ready! Qazox beat them twice and Liverpool England beat them - so it's now our turn. Yes, they have 100% record against us but our female team have beaten their female team, so it's time to change the balance. Dazza's team is ready to RUMBLE. Bring on Starblaydia, he have nothing to lose as we are expected to lose but we beat the team who beat Starblaydia twice.

Ricky: Oh yes, the Paladins play the mad monks! Now, this will be interesting. Two orthodox teams clashing, don't miss this one.
Dazza: The press should be interesting here, who will the orthordox people support the monks or Paladins?

Ricky: And it's YAP YAP where Dazza talks about, well football and then herself.
Dazza: A bunch of girls ask how they can become football cheerleaders for the big teams in Jeruselem. Dazza was a cheerleader.

Ricky: And still is (smiles)
Dazza: I'm beyond that now, I'm now a ... err

Ricky: Attention whore
Dazza: That's it, worse than a cheerleader.

Ricky: Back to the question!
Dazza: Hit Dazza's blog site and there are links to the Jerusalem United Cheerleaders Union as well as links to other cheerleader associations. On those sites, you can find membership information as well as forms to fill out. If you're really keen, go for the recruitment camps held once a year at various times of the year. Go for the camps - they are good way to find if you are cut out to be real cheerleader like I was. It's hard work girls, you have to be really really really fit and dedicated.

Ricky: Oh, you can't be afraid to wear skimpy clothing either.
Dazza: That too. If you don't want to be sexy, don't be cheerleader.

Ricky: That's it for the FOOTBALL LIFE - and from cheerleader Dazza here.
Dazza: Jeruselem take on Starblaydia again, this time we are going try to change history. Don't miss the orthodox clash as well, as thing hot up here at the World Cup 31.

<Stuff for benefit of everyone here>

Group C
New Montreal States [5] The Islands of Qutar [0]
Qazox [2] Jeruselem [3]


---Group C---- P W D L GF-GA GD Pts
[1] New Montreal States 3 2 1 0 9-3 +6 7
[2] Jeruselem 3 2 0 1 7-6 +1 6
3- The Islands of Qutar 3 1 0 2 4-8 -4 3
4- Qazox 3 0 1 2 4-7 -3 1


Group D
Liverpool England [3] Starblaydia [2]
Demot [0] The Archregimancy [3]


---Group D---- P W D L GF-GA GD Pts
[1] Starblaydia 3 2 0 1 8-4 +4 6
[2] The Archregimancy 3 2 0 1 6-2 +4 6
3- Liverpool England 3 2 0 1 7-5 +2 6
4- Demot 3 0 0 3 1-11 -10 0


Next game
Starblaydia v. Jeruselem
New Montreal States v. The Archregimancy

QAZOXIAN TIMES

DAZZA DALLAS DOES IN QAZOX...AGAIN!!!

The omnipresent attention-whore (her words not mine) is rapidly becoming a HUGE thorn in the sides of Qazox, whether its the Women's team or the National team, as Dazza scored the winning goal, in the 88th minute, sending the Black Oxen home a bit earlier than they wanted.

In the match between Women's football powers, Qazox looked to avenge the WWC 5 loss, and to advance, after the earlier match was a 5-0 butt kicking by NMS over The Islands of Qutar, which meant who ever won this match would advance to the next round.

Jeruselem came out hot and fast, rather like their tart Dazza, and scored when Chuck Bombit, bombed one right into the net in the 23rd minute. Qazox quickly answered with a goal from Rene LaTreque in the 34th.

Both sides were running up and down the pitch, but both keepers played brilliantly, until the 56th minute when Jeruselem's Anna Goldstein, surprised everyone with a goal from 35 yds. out. The ball took a weird twist just before deflecting past Juila Kidd, and Jeruselem lead 2-1. But in the 70th minute Rene LaTreque, in what would be her last game, scored again, tying it back up at 2-2, and Zizzi Zidane, who received a yellow card for Head-butting earlier, almost got red carded when she argued with the referee that Rene was offsides. The momentum had slightly shifted to Qazox over the next 15 minutes and the crowd anticipated the goal that would shock the world (again) , but Dazza was just being Dazza, and somehow a strong Black Oxen offensive turned into the winning goal for Jeruselem.

Overall this Cup, Qazox did very well, tying New Montreal States, and losing two close games that could have easily gone Qazox' way. This is a young team, and in 4 years, look out world, the Black Oxen are hungry, and you do not get in the way of a hungry Ox.

(ooc to Jeruselem: GL... and I'll get you back in the Women's world CUp!!)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krytenia.png Krytenia 1-1 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Draws all round see Ariddia through

When they took to the field to face the Krytenia Aces, the Rouge-et-Noirs knew they had to win to remain in the competition. The Krytenians, on the other hand, would be content with a draw. This made the game all the more difficult, according to Ariddian coach Evgheny Melenciuc.

“The Aces may try to block everything if they establish a lead. If they score first, they may decide there’s no reason to take further risks, and go into full defensive. Their players are adaptable, and good enough to switch strategies part-way. That would be a problem.”

Hence his decision to gamble, and throw the Rouge-et-Noirs forward in early attacks, hoping to score the first goal. This Tadjou Senaya ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tadjou_Sheyi_Senaya) achieved in the eighteenth minute, and the Krytenians began a methodic, well organised counter-attack. Ariddian goalkeeper Cécile Granville lived up to her newborn reputation, coping well, with the help of an equally well structured Ariddian defence.

Nonetheless, the Aces lived up to their own reputation, and in the thirty-eigth minute Josh Quinnell finally scored, giving his team the equaliser they needed to qualify.

The match was far from over, however, as the Ariddians now had to regain the lead, and made every effort to do so. The second half provided many “edge of your seat” narrowly missed opportunities. . . but ultimately the scoreline remained as it was. Once the whistle had blown, and the players of both sides had shaken hands and exchanged words of congratulations, the Rouge-et-Noirs milled about for a few moments on the field, looking disappointed and, for some, uncertain.

Then the news finally reached them. It was, at first, difficult to believe. Incredibly, little Aurendia had held Spaam to a heroic one-all draw, knocking the Waffles out of the Cup. And allowing the Rouge-et-Noirs through to the next round. On the field and the stadium, not to mention back home, Ariddians spontaneously began to celebrate.

“I feel really sorry for the Spaamanians,” team captain Hanifah Kyaw said later. “They were worthy opponents. But. . . We’re through! Yay!”

She added: “I’m also very happy that Errinundera is through too. Perhaps we’ll meet them at a later stage – who knows?”

Bedistan, not surprisingly, is in, as are Jeruselem and Starblyadia. They’re joined by the Archregimancy from Group D. But Geisenfried, who were so impressive during qualifying yet only entered the top 32 through a twist of luck, are out.

Ariddia’s next match is against Bazalonia. On paper the Rouge-et-Noirs are clear favourites, but, Melenciuc insists, that means nothing.

“Bazalonia is in the second round because they’ve earned a place here,” he said. “They’re good enough to be here, and we would be foolish not to respect their abilities.”

Jo-El: We welcome coach Hawdon, captain Zax-Im, and the player who carried Az-cz through to this round, a second time man of the match Ip-Gp to talk to us about the most important draw in Az-cz history.

Hawdon: I'm suprised we advanced. As I'm sure many other people are. The fact that Casari only managed three points in group after picking up 17 wins and a draw in qualifying is clearly a suprise to everyone. But I'll take advancing even as a suprise.

Az-cz reporter 1: Ip-Gp, how did you come off the bench and make such a quick impact?

Ip-Gp: It was just a nice run. Really there were so many other players for them to focus on that I just saw a gap and went for it. The option was just there.

Az-cz reporter 2: Tell us how you feel after being a very bit player in qualifying to step up and be so important here in the world cup.

Ip-Gp: Fantastic. It's just an absolute honor. I know I'm talented but the lineup looked pretty set. I'm just glad the coaches gave me the chance.

Az-cz reporter 3: With Ip-Gp earning both man of the match awards will you find a place for him on the pitch?

Hawdon: Well it's certainly something to be thought about. We'll see. Honestly we haven't decided yet. Most of the players are pretty safe. We'll talk to the players who might lose their spots after the press conference, but to be clear we're not displeased with any of the starting 11. We just need to do what's best for the team.

Az-cz reporter 4: Zax-Im, what were your thoughts when Northern Caesarea took the lead, and what did you try to do to rally the team?

Zax-Im: My thoughts were that we could still rally. As for getting the team back in focus I just huddled them together and pointed out all the times we've rallied. We've been through tough situations before and rallied. This teams got an incredible fighting spirit.

Az-cz reporter 5: Next up is the best team in the world in Bedistan. How do you feel about that matchup?

Zax-Im: Of course it's a difficult matchup, but they're not invincible. We also have the bonus of having a fair amount of knowledge on them. The players faced them twice last cup and Khim coached against them many times, including the finals of the last cup. And while they're basically the same team, they might be expecting us to be the same foe we were last time around, but this team has advanced by leaps and bounds since last cup.

Frank Dee: Coach Hawdon, do you honestly believe that Az-cz deserves to be in the last 16 of the world cup?

Hawdon: What are you implying Frank? Of course we deserve to be there. In terms of hard work, desire, and determination I think Az-cz is unmatched. Now you might argue that in terms of what they put out on the pitch a team like Liverpool England deserves our spot, but I don't think our players should feel like they just got lucky to be here. In fact a few breaks our way against Oliverry and we're top of the group. No, they've worked their asses off to get to where they are and deserve all the success they get.

Az-cz reporter 6: Did any of the fan stuff affect you at all?

Zax-Im: No. We struggled cause Northern Caesarea played strong defense. They're a good side. But the Meaty Joe's business doesn't make any difference.

Az-cz reporter 7: Any plans to celebrate?

Zax-Im: Well we have the party with the surfers, but after that it's back to training. If we spend too much time celebrating this accheivment Bedistan will quickly put us back in our place. For a team like them the second round means nothing.

Jo-El: Alright we've come to the voice of the fan section of the evening. Tonights question comes from Ju-Moz of Mil-Bax. She writes "if you could change one rule in soccer, what would it be?"

Hawdon: The offsides rule. I just don't think you should be able to lure teams offsides. The idea to ban cherry picking is good, I just don't like the execution.

Zax-Im: The three sub rule. Especially in the case of injured players I think it's a bit punative. I say allow more subs and extras in case of injury. To prevent people from faking injuries, after five each player that comes out is out for the next match. If he's really injured than missing the next match won't matter, but if he's faking it will.

Ip-Gp: I'm not a huge fan of continuous play. I don't like that matches can fluctuate so wildly in how much actual game time there is.

Jo-El: Interesting question Ju-Moz. Thanks for writing. Congratulations to the team on their advancement and good luck against Bedistan.

Az-cz Scroll
Crosaibi
Il-Lur

I have no idea what I'm talking about, but that's a good thing

The group stage of World Cup 31 has now ended. Since the Gnomes are still alive, I've been asked to look at my predictions for the group stage and to make some more predictions going forward.

Let's start with our look back at group H. Here I predicted Casari and Oliverry to advance with our Gnomes in third. I correctly called Northern Caesarea, but like everyone else I failed to predict Casari's struggles.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not great

A little better here, where I correctly identified Bedistan as coming out on top, but Rejistania falling to fourth was definitely a shock. At least I correctly identified Errinundera moving past Spruitland.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not great.

Now some progress. I correctly identified both the top and bottom teams here. Guessing Geisenfried would struggle was like stealing a CD from a Wal-Mart. I just expected more out of those crazy cocobos.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 2/4 exact finish. Better.

Group E was definitely a disappointment for the hosts. Not only did they fail to advance they were summarily dispatched, including a 7-1 beating on final match day. I correctly called Bettia to top the group, but Vilita's struggles doomed me.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not Good.

The group of death had the single easiest team to predict in Demot. But other than that I was fooled. I didn't expect Archregimancy to be as good as they were, and I thought if one of the big two went out it we be Starblaydia, but alas LE underperformed and was sent packing.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not Good.

Now group C, which many thought would be totally up for grabs, including me, was the only one where I correctly guessed both qualifiers, although in the wrong order. I also called Qutar and Qazox in the correct order on the bottom. Just one more goal from Jeruselem and it would've been a perfect group.
Final tally: 2/2 qualifiers, 2/4 exact finish.

Group B was my own fault for underestimating the top seeded Krytenia. They played well in a tough group and sent Spaam packin as a suprise to me. While Aurendia struggled with their group, they did come up with a suprise point, which was a nice result for them.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not good.

And Group A was done in by Schiavonia's underperformance. After looking quite strong in qualifying group play I expected them to continue on but our friends the Bazalopes were strong and The Lowland Clans, unlike Vilita took advantage of homefield advantage. Quakmybush, like Geisenfried, played like a team who slipped in on a technicality.
Final tally: 1/2 qualifiers, 1/4 exact finish. Not good.

Total: 9/16 qualifiers, 10/32 exact finish. All in all a pretty mediocre job. Basically very slightly better than chance. And that's with a bunch of automatics like Demot, Aurendia, Geisenfried, and Quak finishing on bottom. Which is to say take these upcoming predictions with a grain of salt. A big one.

Knockout round:

Bazalonia v. Ariddia
New Montreal States v. The Archregimancy
Starblaydia v. Jeruselem
Krytenia v. The Lowland Clans
Bettia v. Squornshelous
Bedistan v. Az-cz
Oliverry v. Errinundera
Commerce Heights v. Milchama

Look for the Bazalopes confidence to be enough to overcome the creators of the tournament. With confidence from wiping out Liverpool England the mad monks ought to find their way through another round. I thought Jeruselem would have enough to get past Starblaydia the first time I analyzed things and I still think that. And my apologies to Krytenia for overlooking them before. They ought to end the run of The Lowland Clans.

As for matches in Vilita. I say Squornshelous knocks out Bettia. Every bone in my body says that we'll lose to Bedistan. Of course I thought for certain Casari would crush and we'd beat Northern Caesarea. And after the Casari win I expected to beat Oliverry. So clearly I can't predict Az-cz games at all, so they must find a way to win. I still can't believe Oliverry won three straight matches in the group stage and their luck runs out here. And I think Commerce Heights is simply too good for Milchama.

Quarterfinals:

Bazalonia v. The Archregimancy
Jeruselem v. Krytenia
Squornshelous v. Az-cz
Errinundera v. Commerce Heights

I think the Bazalopes run of good form comes to an end against the Archregimancy as they proudly represent the group of death. I still don't see Jeruselem being knocked out this early. After a suprising win against Bedistan the Gnomes would seem to have a more winnable match, so of course will lose. And the other cinderella story of a resurgent Errinundera also ends in the quarterfinals.

Semifinals:

The Archregimancy v. Jeruselem
Squornshelous v. Commerce Heights

Jeruselem finally ends the monks hopes and gives them some much needed suffering in a close game of distinctly different sides. In the rematch from group F expect Commerce Heights to come out victorious again.

That leaves a 3rd place playoff of the Archregimancy and Squornshelous. With their momentum stopped the Archregimancy will fall to Squornshelous. And despite my complete lack of predictive ability I still think that rampant hormones will power Jeruselem to a world championship, finally preventing Commerce Heights from extending the Atlantian Oceania reign of domination.

"...and welcome to Theology Today. I'm Isidore Sumus, and today I'm going to do something I haven't done in well over five years: host the show. Now what, pray tell, would prompt me to displace a starving theology grad student who needs the money and attention way more than I do? The chance to finally sit down with Fr. Seraphim to Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian, straight from the Archregimancy. Also on the show with us today is Jean-Marcel Laviolette, who after the slight incident entailing his near-revelation of the Archregimancy's roster has been studying there for his doctoral thesis. Gentlemen, brothers in Christ, it's good to have the both of you on the show."

FR. SERAPHIM: Thank you, Isidore. It's nice to finally appear here, and to be able to bring my views on St. Gregory Palamas and his teachings to the billions of the New Montreal States.

JEAN-MARCEL: It's been nice seeing my family again, as well.

ISIDORE: How's your doctoral thesis progressing?

JM: Swimmingly. What better place to study and research applications of biblical theory to the needs of government than in a nation governed by monastics?

I: No doubt. Father Seraphim, after going through so much trouble to finally get the blessing of the Archregimand to appear on this show, we'll be spending more or less the entire hour discussing Palamitism, and the differences between your views and the official stances espoused by Archregimancy officials. But first, we'd like to take a quick glance at the upcoming NMS-Archregimancy match in the round of 16. What are the theological implication of such an early matchup between the two leading Orthodox football powers?

FS: None whatsoever.

I: None?

FS: Not a bit of it. The placement was merely the luck of the draw. More to the point, I think, is the advancement of the Archregimancy from the so-called "group of death." The obvious resurrection metaphor having been beaten to death, I'd like to point out that I was part of a small, but vocal minority - alright, I was the small, but vocal minority - that expounded the view that we were drawn into Group D not as penace for any supposed sins, but rather that the glory of God may shine forth on the football pitch as it has since World Cup 24, and that, as the troparion of the Elevation of the Holy Cross states, victory was indeed "granted to Orthodox Christians over their adversaries."

I: And what are the implications for the winning side?

FS: Again, the improbable elimination of Liverpool England was a sign that all Orthodox sides are marching forth to glory in this tournament, and whichever side comes out on top could well go all the way.

I: Should be a great match.

FS: Indeed. I've got tickets for it.

JM: Lucky.

I: Indeed. Now the moment we've all been waiting for!

JM: *drum roll on table*

FS: *somewhat pedantic* Before we can fully consider the teachings of St. Gregory Palamas, we need to consider the timeframe and the historic events taking place around him as he...(etc. for about two hours)

"See if the TV comes out."

"I told you, to get the TV out we'll have to pull the dresser back."

"Hell, who cares about that. If we can get the TV, that'll make it all the better."

Nina Leir and Kyle Reimar stood in front of the TV in Kyle's room, analyzing where and how exactly force would need to be applied to remove it from it's protective cabinet and lead it back to the free soil of Casari.

"Alright, we'll get a look at the back before coming to any conclusions." Nina said, bracing herself as she and Kyle spun the piece of furniture slightly.

"Ok, ok. Try to get a good look behind." Nina said as Kyle sandwiched his head between the dresser and the wall.

"There's a freaking lock!" he said, pulling his head back out. "There's a padlock on the back of the cabinet, around like... a two by four or something. It's gotta be holding the TV in."

"Well, don't you think we could just smash it out?"

"How would that work?"

"Well, what about getting a pair of bolt cutters and cutting the lock off?"

Kyle looked at Nina and blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the kinds of words that he was hearing. "Where the hell are we going to get bolt cutters?"

"It's easier if you pick the lock." Michael said from the doorway, watching them. Nina and Kyle both gave him identical dirty looks.

"How would you know?" Nina said, glancing to see if anyone was behind Michael in the hallway.

"We stole ours already." He said. "Shipped it out this morning."

Kyle smiled and began laughing. "Awww! The little rookie's grown up."

"Yeah, yeah. Nice to see your eyebrows are growing back in." Michael said, giving the doorframe a good swift kick. "Anyway, Mina and I have one hundred balloons and twelve bottles of mustard. Wanna throw them out the window?"

"That'd just be cruel, you know."

Nina snorted and smacked Kyle in the back of the head as she walked past. Following Michael down the hall, they entered the room he shared with Mina to confront an unforseen problem.

"We can't fill the balloons with mustard." Mina said, a defeated look on her face.

"Why is that?"

"There's not enough force to actually inflate the balloon with the mustard."

Kyle snorted. "Your solution is simple. Inflate them first."

"How are they supposed to stay inflated while we add the mustard?"

Nina scratched her head. "Does mustard and water mix?"

"I don't know, that's not something you usually try." Mina said, thinking. "Try it in the sink."

Grabbing a bottle, Michael sprayed some in the bathroom sink, before closing the drain and turning on the water. "Not very well."

"Well, agitate it!"

"I'm not putting my hand in a sinkful of mustard!"

"Don't be such a pansy!" Mina said, throwing another bottle at Michael.

"Ouch, damnit! Fine!" he said, stirring it together. "They mix better."

Nina nodded. "Alright then. Mustard first."

"Yes."

The next ten minutes became an assembly line, as the four began working on building a considerable arsenal of chemical weapons. The screen came out of the window easily enough, leaving nothing else left but for targets to be chosen.

"I bet I can hit that car coming down the road." Kyle said, hunched down in front of the window.

"Fine, then do it." Nina said, watching from two steps behind.

With a heavy throw, Kyle let the balloon fly in a graceful arc, smashing on the hood of a passing car. The four dropped to the ground, snickering and trying to not laugh, when a voice came from behind them.

"I hope you're not doing anything you could get arrested for." Hill said, leaning against the doorframe, looking at her fingernails.

"Um... no coach, nothing at all." Kyle said, jumping to his feet.

"I'd hope not. After all, mustard doesn't come out well, and if it's not washed off right away, will do horrible things to a car finish." She said, looking at her players. "And I wouldn't want any of you to get arrested."

"Don't worry, we're more than capable of intimidating a few cops." Mina said, taking aim with another balloon.

"I'd like to think my team was intimidating to more than just a few cops." Hill said. "I want you guys to be careful anyways, though."

"We will, don't worry." Michael said. "Want a throw?"

"Naa. I'm going to step out for a bit."

"See you tomorrow, Coach." Mina said, throwing the balloon out the window and ducking behind a curtain again.

Hill watched for a second. "See ya, guys." she said, turning and walking down the hall.

Each got a few more throws in before David stopped in front of the door, panting. "Did any of you see Hill?"

Mina nodded. "Yeah, we saw her just a few minutes ago. Why?"

"Because, she just retired."

David ran off again as the players stared at the doorway for a while.

"... Well, I suppose she knows how to make an exit." Mina said, turning to look out the window.

---=--=---

David dived out the door of the hotel to see Hill standing there, a taxi pulling over to the side of the road. They looked at each other for a minute, before David sighed and shook his head. "I figured your exit would have a bit more drama around it."

"Nope. That's it." Hill said.

"You're just going to wander off into the night? A bit anticlimatic, don't you think?"

"Making a entrance is easy. It's making an exit that's the hard part." Hill said, shrugging. "Besides, I still have to clean out my office back home." She said, nodding. "It's been fun."

"Yup. See you around, Coach."

"You know, I'm not the coach anymore."

"I remember watching you on TV when I was six. Just you wait, You're going to be the Coach until the day you die."

Hill let out a small laugh. "I've been called worse things." Reaching out, she shook the head of the President of the CSA. "When you see my replacement, you'll know it."

David nodded, watching the former coach get in the taxi and stick her head out the window.

"I'll let you have one retirement party for me. Just because I'm nice."

---=--=---

Hill mumbled and swore in the team locker room. "Ugh, you bastards." she muttered, looking around at the team she used to coach. "When I said party, this wasn't the kind of thing I ment."

A chorus of pffts dismissed any complaints the coach attempted to bring up. Staring at the uniform hanging at the end locker, she mumbled and changed, occasionally attempting to come up with another complaint about how she hadn't played in an actual match in over a decade, or how her ankle could give out, or something else of that nature. And every time, her complaints fell on deaf ears.

"We're not going to let you coach in your Testimonial game." Nina said, putting on a mock scowl. "Now stand your ass up and start walking out the damn tunnel, before we have to tie you and carry you."

Hill looked at the force arrayed against her and sighed. "You know this isn't a good idea."

"Of course we do. You'll get so caught up in it that you'll probably tackle us from behind and one of us will snap an ankle."

Deo nodded. "Plus, we all know you're complaining because you don't want to let on that you really love the spotlight."

Hill sighed. "See, when you coach for this long, people start to figure you out. A coach needs to be an Enigma." Tired of the stalling, two players started to grab the coach by her arms and pull her out the door. "Okay, damnit, sheesh." Hill said, shaking her arms free. "I hate you guys." She said over her shoulder as she walked out the locker room door.

"What else is new?"

---=--=---

There were more than a few sad Casarans in the stands to watch the longtime coach of the national team nearly pick up a red card in her testimonial match. Afterward, there were a few speeches painting images of her as a national hero as she sat there, happily accepting all the praise everyone was willing to give. She gave a speech thanking the fans, accepted the title of Hero of the Confederation and the fancy medal that came with, gave one last wave, dissappeared into the tunnel, and the era of Hill being in charge of the national team was over.

---=--=---

The next day, the headquarters of the CSA were a bit quiet, even taking into consideration that they were still had about half the staff they used to. But that was mostly because everyone was either in or crowding around the enterances of the main conference room. Inside, the new executive committee sat down and looked at each other for a second.

"Well... who's going to be the new coach?"

Letter to the editor of the Rejistanian Off-Topic

The Rejistanian Off-Topic

Dear Madam / Genderqueer / Sir,

I wish to complain about a couple of items in relation to your publication.

1) The title of your publication is misleading. I purchased a subscription on the mistaken belief that it would specialize in off topics. You know, like crocodiles biting children in two, sadistic serial killers, or dwarf thowing contests in Elven nations, etc etc. How disappointed I was to find that mostly it contains quotidian news items. It occured to me that the title was satirical, however the articles themselves don't flag themselves as being so and, accordingly, the joke in the title wears off very quickly, ie after one issue. It is quite difficult to find newspapers in Errinundera that are "extreme tabloid". I had hoped your publication could have filled this gap but am now disabused of this illusion.

2) As a keen football fan I was looking forward to your description of the current World Cup matches, particularly as Errinundera and Rejistania were scheduled to meet in the 2nd match of the 1st round. Again, how disappointed I was to find nary a mention of that game. Are you bad losers or is your sense of perspective askew? I had so hoped to read a report from the Rejistani point of view.

In view of these significant shortcomings in your publication I wish to terminate my subscription and would like the balance refunded to me.

Yours sincerely

obbleco
2nd lowest branch
AMATHIR Tree
Constituency # 46
First Creek Falls
Errinundera

PS: Errinundera has progressed to the 2nd round of World Cup 31 by drawing 1-all with Spruitland (rosaniel ERR 64, Jools SPR 73). Are you going to make any mention of it? Surely the result is important to your Rejistani readers. It means the orange and blues have not made it to the second round.

Vazaro Mealura and Tiaza Weaui were talking in the office of Mr. Mealura are talking in their office after the match.

Mealura: Well that was a bit of a boondoggle.

Weaui: Indeed. We weren't that short of food and gift certificates.

Mealura: We planned for capacity. How in the world did the number of Az-cz fans exceed capacity.

Weaui: I know we didn't even publicize it ahead of time.

Mealura: Well, it might have had something to do with the fact that there were almost no Northern Caesarean's in the stadium.

Weaui: Which was odd.

Mealura: Truly. What kind of country makes it to the world cup finals and doesn't bring any support. I mean seriously.

Weaui: Well Az-cz is a region mate, with a developing presence here. I mean they've already taken over the surfing tour, so we can't be too suprised that they were out in force.

Mealura: But a certain section of the tickets were designated for them.

Weaui: Az-czzers must have bought them second hand. Maybe Northern Caesareans are struggling economically.

Mealura: The Gnomes are a bunch of freaking hippy socialists.

Weaui: Well who knows how they do it. They do seem to be hard working. And they're thieves. Maybe they stole the tickets. Who knows. But it's done and I think it was good for our reputation. Do you want to do anything for the Bedistan game?

Mealura: Yes, but no free food this time. Although the Bedistani's will definitely have fan support, here's what I say we do. We run some ads before the match saying that if the Gnomes win anyone who comes to Meaty Joe's in Az-cz colors will get a discount on their meals and a free non-alcoholic drink.

Weaui: Alright. I'll get on that. I'll get the ad copy out as soon as possible.

Mealura: Great.

The Az-cz football team, the three Az-czid surfers, Taihenna Eromi, the football players wives and girlfriends, and a few Vilitan models had gathered in a rented out hotel ball room where they were having a big party to celebrate the triumphant surfing season and their were various conversations going on around the room.

Z-Boy was talking to Pizelkaxrovsky and Ip-Gp. Ip-Gp also had one of the models draped off his arm?

Pizelkaxrovsky: So what's it like living here full time?

Z-Boy: Well clearly it's different than it is back home, but the Vilitans are pretty accepting people. It's not too hard to get back home if you'd like. Really it's not that hard to adjust?

Ip-Gp: You think so? You haven't felt different here being among all these taller people?

Z-Boy: Nah. You get used it to it after a while. They're not that much taller. They aren't giants. Just taller.

Ip-Gp: Speciesism?

Z-Boy: Nah man. This isn't Winchestia. Vilita's been dealing with all kinds of people for ages now. They're totally used to it. Gnomes don't make one lick of difference to 'em. Well now we do, but it's cause they respect our skills and the fans love our style, but there's no real racism man. That's cool.

Pizelkaxrovsky: Are you really gonna stay here long term?

Z-Boy: Yeah. Why not. The people are nice, I'm a hero here. I've got big money rolling in. My soon to be wife is settled here. No reason to head back.
Some of you guys should think about joining us here.

In another part of the room Kz-Kz and Al-Va were catching up.

Kz-Kz: Bro, how long has it been?

Al-Va: Too long man too long.

Kz-Kz: Who knew you'd end up being a famous surfer man. I thought you were allergic to water.

Al-Va: I'm not the suprise. You're playing in the knockout rounds of the world freaking cup. I remember watching this as a kid and wondering why if we had a soccer league why didn't we have a team in the world cup. And now you're in it. Incredible.

Kz-Kz: I wish I got to play more.

Al-Va: But still. It's awesome. Just awesome.

Kz-Kz: Yeah well we've really come together this time. How's things out here.

Al-Va: The surfing's great. The weather's good. We've bonded pretty well, although Kl-Slt needs to get that stick out of his ass.

Kz-Kz: I know what you mean. Zax-Im can be the same way.

Just then one of the models let out a scream. A guy wearing a Casari soccer jersey had broken into the dining hall.

Al-Va: Dude. What are you doing here? This is a private party.

Casari Guy: I know what this is. I've been following you for your days. I've been waiting for my perfect opportunity to get revenge on you little bastards.

Al-Va: What for knocking Casari out of the tournament?

The man thought to himslef "No this is just a cover. I hate you for entirely different reasons. But now I'll get my revenge."

Casari guy: Yes. We should've beaten you fucking midgets. Now you pay."

The man pulled out a gun. As soon as he saw it Zax-Im, who was the nearest person to the guy charged him. The guy fired off a shot as Zax-Im was charging but Zax-Im was able to dislodge the gun from the guys hand."

As the men all rushed to tackle the guy, Z-Boy yelled out, "Taihenna, call the police and someone get an ambulance on its way."

Although they were able to subdue the attacker, they all wondered why he would do such a thing because Casari was eliminated from the tournament and worried about their fallen friend.

Tuesday, 2110-07-01

Happy Independence Day! The Grand Dominion turns one hundred and seven today. And what better way to celebrate it than with last night's HUGE win over Rejistania? It seemed like the Orange-Blues were just never even in the game, to tell you the truth. Well, no, I lie, at first they were. Syku Lyku scored the first goal of the match. Can't remember which one it was, though. But then I guess they thought that one goal was enough. Seems weird to me, I thought the Rejis finally abandoned their Karelan ways about a decade ago. Somehow the offense just never really got going again, and it was our turn to step up to the plate. Er, wait, wrong sport. Anyway, Felicity Wilson came up with the equalizer in the 20th minute. She must've been feeling REALLY patriotic, 'cause she wound up with a hattrick before it was all over. A natural one at that, one of what we call a "Rejistanian hattrick". See, back in the days before the great karelization, Rejistania actually tended to score a lot of goals. So a hattrick wasn't a particularly odd thing. But a true "hetrika" (that's the word they use for it) only counted if all three goals were scored in the same half. And so we have that term.

Anyway, I digress. The final score was 4-1, with Parker Law throwing in another goal in the second half. And oh, the celebration! We were through, the other four-time champs were out, and our friends in Errinundera managed to get into the last sixteen as well. Good on 'em - for being barely even ranked in the top 60, they sure seem to be pretty good, don't they?

So now we go up against Az-cz. A lot of people think there's gonna be trouble there. I say, come on. They're certainly no pushovers, I'll grant, but the sheer ability of our team just has to win out here. But I guess we'll see what happens. Off to Lonngeylin I go!

Oh, before I wrap this up, my guesses at what'll happen this next round:

Bazalonia 0-2 Ariddia
NMS 3-1 Archregimancy
Starblaydia 2-1 Jeruselem (AET)
Krytenia 3-0 TLC
Bettia 1-4 Squornshelous
Az-cz 0-2 Bedistan
Oliverry 1-1 Errinundera, Errinundera win on penalties
Capitalizt SLANI 3-2 Milchama

Aeropag Tribune Corporate Headquarters, Aeropag, Jativa

Alan Gómez: What the slani hell is this?

Karimo Borjo: It’s the World Cup bracket.

Gómez: Well, yes, but what are all the numbers?

Borjo: Our predictions, of course.

Gómez: This isn’t some slani Az-czian paper! We’re a high-quality publication. We don’t need no slani predictions!

Borjo: But everyone else has them!

Gómez: Let’s say we do need predictions. Even so, we can’t print this!

Borjo: Why not?

Gómez: Well…uh…it’s all shiny and modern-looking and horrendous!

Borjo: Then it fits perfectly with the rest of our graphics. This isn’t some slani Elves Security Forces paper!

Gómez: Fine, we’ll print it. But you’re responsible for it!

Borjo: Thank you.

Gómez: Don’t thank me. Get out.

—————

The Aeropag Tribune—Don’t blame us for the predictions, blame Karimo Borjo!

Sports: Capitalizts reach second round for first time since World Cup 23
MORATA VALLEY, VILITA—Capitalizt SLANI secured its place in the second round of World Cup 31 with its decisive 3–1 win over Squornshelous, only the sixth time that a Capitalizt team has made it that far in twenty-two qualifications. After making it to the second round, the Capitalizts have historically done well, being stopped only once in the second round (World Cup 23, with an extra-time loss to Crystilakere), twice in the quarterfinals (World Cups 16 and 22, losing 0–3 to Bedistan), and winning both of their final-round matches (World Cup 12, 2–0 over the Lowland Clans in the third-place playoff; World Cup 15, penalty-kick win over Squornshelous in the final). The draw for the second round took place immediately following the final group matches, and much of the nation was shocked when Bedistan were drawn into a separate bracket from the Capitalizts, making it impossible for the two teams to meet before the semifinals. But before that semifinal meeting can happen, the Capitalizts must defeat Milchama, their second-round opponent. The Warriors are ranked only two places below SLANI, and the match is expected to be very close. Should SLANI advance to the quarterfinals, they will play either Oliverry or Errinundera. Though Errinundera would most likely be an easy win, it would be a very difficult match should Oliverry win their match.
Should the Capitalizts be fortunate enough to reach the semifinals, they would most likely face either Bedistan or Squornshelous, though Bettia also has a shot at the semis. Forty-fifth–ranked Az-cz have been known to upset high-ranked teams, though they would have to get through the top-ranked team in the world in order to play SLANI.
The teams in the final match are anyone’s guess. Some have predicted yet another Bedistan–Starblaydia final (though Liverpool England, having already been eliminated, will not be able to finish third). Some have even predicted SLANI to reach the final, though the extreme inaccuracy of their previous predictions should keep anyone from getting false hopes. However, if you ask us, at least one of the top two will certainly make it.

Predictions by Karimo Borjo are shown below:
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/wc31-knockout-2r/

"And now onto Sports, Bazalonia once again underperformed, well in the eyes of the fans, they failed to shut out QuakMyBush after going up 2-0 in the 34th and 42nd minutes. The first goal, assisted by Peter Hobble but actually scored by James Kantwell and the second goal was by Peter Hobble himself. The goal seemed to start the Bazalope off in good stead. A very well laid out and executed plan caught the Sharks off guard. The team lured defensive players away from James Kantwell and then quickly struck giving him the ball, he was still on-side but due to the distance and the momentum the Quakmybushian squad just could not get back in time. The rest of the half showed that the Bazalopes defense was solid as the Quakmybush probed it and failed to get through. However the forwards failed to puncture the Quakmybushian defense either.

The second half saw a comeback by the Quakmybushian forwards and defense. It seemed the Bazalopes had been thrown totally off-balance by something that happened at half-time. Allowing the Quakmybushian team to rake back some goals of their own. Exactly what happened at half-time is uncertain as the entire team including Eric Frankton has been quiet about it.

...........

At Half-time, the Bazalonians entered their dressing room in the City International Stadium, the coach, Eric Frankton, had the sat down for his report on the first half and plans for the 2nd.

"You guys are going well, we are still however missing opportunities, in the 23rd minute there was an opening on the far side of the field, If we are to be respected as a force in international soccer then we cannot let things like missed oppurtunities occur for we all know that Starblaydia, Bedistan and Liverpool England, the top three, they never let opportunities go past. But yes quite a good performance so far."

"Now for the second half I plan to.... Do I smell something?" Eric's face screwed up in reaction to whatever he had smelled.

Not only did did Eric react but the players also moments later reacted the same way... Some funk had eminated from what seemed to be inside the dressing room. It was not long until Peter Hobble lifted up a towel that was drapped over something, he saw it and then immediately found a sink and spewed... "That's just..... wrong" said Benny Boy in shock who also decided to find a sink and spewed.

I quick call to maintaince got people in there and clean it up but it was too late it was time to go out onto the field again and the Bazalopes where neither feeling too well nor in the right frame of mind. An investigation found that there was no evidence nor any real idea of who made what happened but there was rampant speculation from the Clansmen themselves to QuakMyBush and last but not least Ariddia who the Bazalopes face next. Arridia are quite friendly with Errindurra whom the Bazalopes thrashed twice. Group 2 of the World Cup Qualifiers the only group to have all 3 qualifiers reach the round of 16 However it seemed certain end for the Errindurra team and perhaps even the Bazalopes.

There has been a Media restriction no one is allowed to watch TV or newspapers for the entire time, but in an effort to elp motivate Eric Frankton pushed the angle "They don't think we can do this, let's prove them wrong." Perhaps this is the reason why the Rejistanians did not go through to the Ro16 last time, simply because they did not react culturally the same way that the Bazalonians would do. Some of the newspapers and reports they where shown included The Aeropag Tribune and BSD Online infact the only newspaper that showed them winning was the newspaper from Az-Cz. Though some how that did not get through the 'screening' process and none of the team knew about it.

In a press conference Eric Frankton did manage to say a few things however.

"Thanks for coming.. I beleive you have some questions."

"What happened at half-time you where doing famously in the first half then something shocking in the 2nd?"

"I won't discuss that, any other questions?"

"What about your up coming game with Ariddia?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"Does the team have a chance?"

"Of course they have the chance, I think certain events, which I won't go into. Have given the team a big jolt of motivation and I think we can knock down the team that many are predicting to go into the finals. Does that mean we will get into the finals? Don't know and I'm not going to speculate but the Bazalopes are by no means down and out."

"What do you think of All group 2 qualifiers making it into the Round of 16?"

"That shows how good those guys were, obviously Bedistan isn't a surprise but I don't think either were we but congratulations have to go out to Errindurra who have made it this far."

"And what about Az-Cz, the gnomes lead by a human and a dwarf?"

"I'll admit it, Az-Cz are certainly the surprise team of the tournament but it is obvious they have worked their butts off and with the combined team of Khim and Caine Hawdon well, anything can be possible. Can I see them progress further? No not really. They are too inexperienced in international soccer and World Cup finals to go really anywhere."

"Does that apply to the Bazalopes too?"

"No, the Bazalopes first have experience in the world cup where we nearly qualified ourselves for the Ro16 and we have had alot more experience in international football to. The Az-Cz team has great potential but they are not quite there yet."

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Fuck! We're out.

There has been an overarching theme to the Milchama qualification/world cup campaign right now has to be rankings. As in the rankings that are arbitrarily selected (for the most part) on teams based on things like experience, and past performances in the world cup. Anyway, however they are created or updated Milchama seems to be looking at them as the way to know whether they won or lost the match. The Warriors went 14-4 in qualifying, with no draws, their only defeats, to Liverpool England and Bettia who were both ranked higher than them. Then in the group stages the Warriors went 2-0-1, with their one loss coming to higher ranked Bettia.

Now who is the Warriors opponent for octofinals? None other than 17th ranked Commerce Heights, (SLANI of course) who are above the Milchama's current rank of 19. This bodes trouble for the Warriors who now need to beat their first higher ranked opponent since Oliverry back on MD7 of World Cup 30 during their improbable 20 match unbeaten run. Since that time the Warriors only result against a higher rank squad was against Bedistan back on MD1 of World Cup 30 when they drew the Lions, unluckily, in Schiavonia (I think) 1-1. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Yeh so what? We haven't beaten a higher ranked opponent, Liverpool England are still one of the best teams on the planet who cares that they beat us, then the only team that we have lost to recently was Bettia. Both of those teams are quality and I believe are of a significantly higher quality than Commerce Heights. Therefore I believe that we can pull out a victory..."

As for MD3 of the group stage the Warriors trounced on a good Cuation 4-0. In the best performance so far in the World Cup they played very well barely allowing any offence from Cuation and getting their shooting boots on to make 4 wonder goals. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Everybody doubted us after Bettia but I told ya'll that we would advance. Who was right? Who was right? That's right <expletive removed> I was! Why would you doubt me? I am always right! I am god!" We at the Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer believe that Smith might need a little coming back to earth party but we'll let him celebrate for now. Anyway the report on how they scored brought to you again by Milchama TV2, "If it's not TV2 it's probably good TV."

9th minute: Del Clufor who had an ineffective game against Vilita is now coming forward. He needs to beat his man if he hopes to get anywhere and here he comes! It looks like he has a chance! He beats the defender inside a pass to Kelvin Joseph GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Kelvin Joseph after a wonderful run by Del Clufor makes a perfect 16 yard shot from just inside the penalty box. What a perfect start for the Warriors. 1-0 Milchama.

32nd minute: Barett M. Lonnen. Now there is a player not known for his skill on the ball but he's going forward and he's past one man, holy <expletive removed!> he's past two men. Your kidding me! No apparently not as he passes outside to Aaron Kary. Kary looks in and can't find any- WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR KIDDING ME!!!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! From the side of the box! Kary bends the ball around and in to make it 2-0 Milchama! Aaron Kary with a brilliant shot! That's better than Steven Gerrard. Wow!

45th minute: Brilliant job so far by Milchama.

50th minute: Floren Albentine with another brilliant goal! This time he came in from the right got the ball behind him from a rare poor cross by Kary but he bicycled and happened to hit the ball perfectly into the top left corner to make it 3-0 Milchama.

67th minute: 4-0! Casey Stockholm joining the fray among Milchamian goal scorers with his strike from 20 yards out. 4 goals and all really good ones by the Milchamians today.

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Joseph 9, Kary 32, Albentine 50, Stockholm 67)
Cuation 0 (Hehe shut out)

Milchama Men of the Match:
We give the man of the match award to the entired team who deserved it after this dazzaling performance.

we return to Rami Niblick, already in progress.

So, the first round out of the way, and a few surprise names in the last sixteen. So, where do we go from here? As you'd expect, onto the knockouts, and some interesting draws in store. Let's have a look at the second round in more detail, starting over in Vilita.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bettia.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Squornshelous.png
On the one hand, the "Stupidheads", as ol' JJ used to call them, are a big team, on the other hand...RAWRCRUSHing the hosts on their own turf. Class may be permanent, but we feel that form could be the decider here.
PREDICTION: Bettia 3-1 Squornshelous

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bedistan.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Az-cz.png
This looks like a huge mis-match on paper. Then you look at the recent results, and it looks an even huger one. Yes, Az-cz may have beaten the Casarans, but let's face it, a draw against Northern Caesarea isn't exactly awe-inspiring. Expect the neighbours to cause a racket - and a rout.
PREDICTION: Bedistan 6-0 Az-cz

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Oliverry.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Bedistan may have given them a proper tonking, but Errinundera have come a long way, and anyone who beats Rejistania in the finals has to be approached with caution - especially when it means the Orange-Blues stay the wrong side of the top half of the group. A soft group may mean the Frenchies are caught napping.
PREDICTION: Oliverry 0-1 Errinundera

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Milchama.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Commerce_Heights.png
Milchamans, be afeared. Be greatly afeared. Even though they've lost the Jastiyan element from their side, the UCS have gone through their group like a Category Four hurricane. Only Turori could keep up with the scoring - and they don't count because they're man-sized mutant birds. Put simply, there will only be one winner in this match - and they won't be wearing red and white stripes.
PREDICTION: Milchama 0-4 UCS (SLANI)

So, that's the "other half" of the draw, but what about here in the Lowland Clans? Let's start with our last opponents, Ariddia.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bazalonia.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Ariddia.png
Ariddia, of course, are well liked amongst the neutral fans, and battled hard in their group. Their reward is a tricky tie against the Bazalopes. This one is real flip-a-coin stuff, with both sides having grit and flair in equal measure; who wants it more, or even who gets the lucky break, could be the decider. But it'll probably be penalties.
PREDICTION: Ariddia 2-2 Bazalonia (Ariddia to win on pens)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/New_Montreal_States.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The_Archregimancy.png
Orthodoxy collides in this clash of the religious titans. Maybe the monks will get the answer to their prayers; maybe the States will finally show some of that long-promised potential. Our money is on New Montreal by a short head in the cleanest game of the round, and a feast of good football.
PREDICTION: New Montreal States 3-2 The Archregimancy

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Starblaydia.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Jeruselem.png
Krytenians will be watching this match with much interest, as the winner of the Aces' game gets to face the winner of this one in the next round. And considering the two sides in the other game, the twists and turns of that lovely lady, Miss Margaret Fate, destine Starblaydia to win this one. Which is a shame really, because Jeruselem aren't a bad side; it's just everything screams for Goliath winning this particular bout. Expect them to make a game of this one before their inevitable defeat.
PREDICTION: Starblaydia 2-0 Jeruselem

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Krytenia.png v http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The_Lowland_Clans.png
Both sides will be up for this one, as the smell of mauve-tinted blood is in the air. For each side, this is the mouthwatering appetiser to the main course, and, like lions fighting for the honour of pride alpha, only one will get to lead the charge against the pack of wildebeest that is the Starblaydi side. Whoever wins will be almost disappointed if Jeruselem pull off a shock; if it's the Kryties, however, expect the Lowland fans to exchange navy for sky blue for the last eight.
PREDICTION: Krytenia 2-1 The Lowland Clans

So there you have it! We'll be back for coverage of all the second round games, and especially the Aces taking on the Clans. See you there!

Starblaydia Lose But Eject Englanders
Guess what? LE Manager and FALE Chairman sacked

Thanks to the combined efforts of Starblaydia and The Archregimancy, the third-ranked team in the world, Liverpool England, have failed to make it through to the Second Round of the World Cup Finals. The Terminators, who even managed to beat Starblaydia, were denied progression from the Group Stage by the simple matter of goal difference: The Archregimancy overcame the one goal lead the Englanders had by thrashing Demot Three-Nil, while Liverpool England managed victory by a single goal's margin. The Terminators were out, and the monks were through in their place.

Liverpool England had scored, on average, four goals per game coming into their match against Starblaydia, and their uber-attacking formation of Fair and Carson up front, ably supported by Damion and Toulmin, had yielded many a goal in their run-up to Qualification. Their was no drought in this match. A little over ten minutes into the match, Seth Fair held off the challenge of Stephen Adams and knocked the ball back to the onrushing Giovanni Toulmin. He'd slipped away from Talenii Karo and blasted the ball low, skimming across the grassy surface and into the bottom-left corner of the net.

Jeff Houser made it two-nil just before the half-hour mark, snatching his shot into the top-left corner of the net after a goal-mouth scramble. Starblaydia needed a response and managed one before half time from Darijo Cravex. With Starblaydia's third corner of the match, the big man came up from the back and powered home a header into the back of the net, and though replays suggest he was guilty of a push on Larry McCray, the referee adjudged it to be all well and good, and Starblaydia had some hope before the break.

That hope was shattered some twenty minutes later, however, as once the second half had resumed, Liverpool England resumed their two-goal lead over the white-and-purples with a stunner from Cory Carson. On the half-volley, the Schimpol striker completely fooled Paola Mendez with a dipping shot that gave the Terminators the goal they needed. Two goals they had, but two goals were their downfall. The first was over in the Demot/Archregimancy match, the monks of the Orthodoxy grabbing a third against the no-hopers from Demot and putting themselves ahead in the Qualification stakes on goals scored.

The second of the two goals that saw the death of Liverpool England's Qualification hopes was scored by Kaza Matranga, grabbing a goal back for Starblaydia once again. Taking the ball from Donii, she sprinted past Rolano Husek and fired past the fingertips of Jake Wilkinson to make Matchday Three's game a Pyhrric victory for Liverpool England. They went out on Goal Difference. Starblaydia, however, progress to the knock-out stage and the challenge of Jeruselem - ranked eleventh in the world.

Starblaydia defeated Jeruselem in the Quarter-Finals of World Cup Thirty on the way to a second place finish at the hands of Bedistan. The entire sqaud will be aiming to repeat that victory, a 2-1 scoreline with goals from Johan Keifner and Jackie Maitland, and see Starblaydia through to play either bitter rivals Krytenia or neighbours and hosts The Lowland Clans in the Quarter-Finals.

Final Score
Liverpool England 3 - 2 Starblaydia
(Toulmin 11, Houser 27, Carson 49) - (Cravex 43, Matranga 74)

Ariddia surprised by predictions, denies allegations

If there was displeasure when the Az-cz Scroll predicted an Ariddian defeat against Bazalonia, there was excitement and downright astonishment at the predictions (http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/wc31-knockout-2r/) coming from the Aeropag Tribune. The media asked Ariddian coach Evgheny Melenciuc all about it.

Q: In Az-Cz they’re saying we can’t make it to the quarter-finals; in Commerce Heights they think we can actually win the Cup! Will either of these be right?

A: Of course our aim is to win the Cup. We’ve come a long way over the past two decades, and we’re in with a very real chance. First things first, we’ll handle each match as it comes. We’re going to have very tough opponents for every game. Opponents who have good reason to believe they can go a long way, too. If we can get to the semis, and I really think we can, that’ll be great. After that, we’ll be going for the Cup itself. I think we can be confident, and believe in our abilities, without underestimating those great, very talented teams we’ll be facing.

Q: Of course Bazalonia is your main concern right now. But if Ariddia wins that match, it’ll be either the Archregimancy or New Montreal States in the quarter-final.

A: We’ve never beaten either of those teams, but then we’ve only rarely played them. Going up against the Archregimancy would be interesting, and I’d look forward to the challenge. Despite their national anthem. But I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves.

Q: The Tribune says the Rouge-et-Noirs should be able to beat Starblaydia two-nil in the semis.

A: *smiles* I’m very glad our reputation is such that those predictions sound credible. But, again, I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves. The match against Bazalonia isn’t going to be just a formality. . . far from it.

Q: Speaking of which, you know of course there are rumours going around in Bazalonia that the AFA tried to poison their team? Mr. Frankton even hinted at it in a press conference.

A: *face darkens* And if he does anything more than hint at it, we’ll take him to court. Such filthy slandering has no place in the World Cup. Ariddia has a very strong, well earned reputation for fair play. Perhaps Mr. Frankton doesn’t understand the concept of fair play well enough to realise that.

Q: A lot of Ariddian fans are rather angry. Others are just laughing at it all. One fan told us he was amused to see those spreading these rumours make such fools of themselves.

A: Of course. And I’ve heard Westville News (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Westville_News) may be creating a caricature of Mr. Frankton to comment on the. . . incident. If you can even call it that.

Q: Can you tell us yet whether any Ariddian players will be retiring after this Cup?

A: No. They’ll tell you themselves when they decide to.

Q: Is it true Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) is looking for a foreign club to play for?

A: If it is, you’ll know when there’s something to know. *smiles* We’ve got lots of talented players that foreign clubs may be keen to snatch up. But for now we’ve got a World Cup to try and win, and all the players are focused on that.

Q: Good luck, then!

A: Thank you.

"Everyone keeps saying we're gonna win this match easily," said Felicity Wilson as the players made their way down the tunnel toward the pitch.

"Yeah, I saw where that Niblick guy from Krytenia said we'd win like six-nil or something," added her strike partner, Monty Salas. "He seems to be pretty confident."

Midfielder Bekk Sherman seemed to have something different in mind. "It kinda worries me, to be honest," she opined. "Nobody's giving Az-cz a chance. So they're gonna feel like they have nothing to lose, which means they'll probably be playing their absolute best. We've gotta be careful out there."

"They're just trying to scare us," added team captain Parker Law. "It'll be fine."

The rest of the team looked mildly uncertain as they all lined up to prepare for the playing of Bedistan's national anthem, their Az-czid counterparts having done the same several yards down the line. Which supporters would be the ones cheering at the end, the ones wearing blue or the ones wearing pink? Two 45-minute halves awaited.

The Aeropag Tribune—Ranked #1 in the UCS in mid-length standard RPs for the last century

Sports: Tribune announces “Sword of Takil” award
AEROPAG, JI—The Aeropag Tribune announced today the creation of its first international sporting award, the Sword of Takil. The award, intended to recognize the achievements of the greatest Takilan teams in the world, will be awarded to the team scoring the most goals in each World Cup, including qualification games. The first award will be to the team scoring the most goals in the current Cup, though at the conclusion of World Cup 31, the award will be retroactively be given to the top goal-scoring teams in the previous thirty Cups (see below).
The award itself is a three meter long gold-plated sword, with the Tribune logo engraved on the hilt along with the name of the team that it is awarded to. The blade will have the names of the previous winners engraved. There is also work on a trophy to be held by the team with the record for the most goals in a single Cup, which is currently Liverpool England (with 85 goals in World Cup 31).
The award has been met with some skepticism from other media organizations, citing the fact that the likely winner of the World Cup 31 Sword is Capitalizt SLANI, who are just two goals short of equalling Liverpool England’s record. There are also complaints that there is no equivalent award for the team conceding the fewest goals, which some believe to be a far greater achievement.

WC01: 20 goals (Crosshill)
WC02: 17 goals (Ariddia)
WC03: 23 goals (Giant Zucchini)
WC04: 34 goals (Jurassica)
WC05: 32 goals (Svecia)
WC06: 53 goals (Quohog)
WC07: 53 goals (Ariddia)
WC08: 36 goals (Timway)
WC09: 40 goals (Oglethorpia)
WC10: 45 goals (Europa Brittania, Oglethorpia)
WC11: 39 goals (New Montreal States)
WC12: 43 goals (Audioslavia)
WC13: 45 goals (Eauz, Spaam)
WC14: 49 goals (Snub Nose 38)
WC15: 46 goals (Tadjikistan)
WC16: 39 goals (NEWI Cefn Druids)
WC17: 60 goals (Rejistania)
WC18: 73 goals (Rejistania)
WC19: 46 goals (Squornshelous)
WC20: 49 goals (Vilita)
WC21: 41 goals (Sarzonia, Vilita)
WC22: 37 goals (Bedistan)
WC23: 49 goals (Sarzonia)
WC24: 49 goals (Turori)
WC25: 72 goals (Bedistan)
WC26: 52 goals (Bedistan)
WC27: 80 goals (Liverpool England)
WC28: 39 goals (Starblaydia)
WC29: 61 goals (Audioslavia)
WC30: 66 goals (Bedistan)

GRAHAM CITY SUN - World Cup Coverage

Galaxy Victory Over Schiavonia Instant Classic; Draw Krytenia
Julius Pavelovich

GRAHAM CITY - In front of a crowd that was wall-to-wall navy and white, the Galaxy looked ready for a triumph. To advanced beyond the group stage for the first time in about a half-century would be a victory beyond all recognition for the young Galaxy squad whose manager at one point was working as an architectural design consultant before going into the football world as manager for Grand Captiva. The Galaxy had already come up with a huge draw against Bazalonia and were now looking to beat Schiavonia. Nothing else would do. Manager Casey Dellet declared his squad the ones with the best form so far in this cup. "We certainly have the best form. No one else can match what we've achieved in their nation compared to what we have here. We can beat Schiavonia, and I expect we will."

The Galaxy came out with fire in their hearts, and they played like Starblaydia and Bedistan. Their dribbling technique and skill were at the forefront of the game, not a part of the game that Galaxy managers like to emphasize. But they strung together some beautiful solo performances in the first ten minutes. Creative heart Iska Djukashenki had a huge day, and his form was certainly at it's best. As he slid through Schiavone defence with ease, he was able to penetrate deep and then dish off to the unguarded wingers as the defenders collapsed around him. The Galaxy's first goal came off such a play, with Amalido Joeira taking a pass and able to blow his shot past Jack Holmes. City International Stadium went berserk and the confidence was just flowing off of the Galaxy like water in a river.

Even after Schiavonia tied it up as Jermaine Edwards placed a beautiful free kick just over the hands of the outstretched Darian Santander, the Galaxy never let the pressure down on the Schiavonia defence. Veteran captain Ryley Bloudin blasted two shots off the posted, and looked like he would score on a third, but Holmes managed to punch it out to Tarquin Freud, who cleared from the Schiavonia half. The Galaxy went into the half tied one-all. But they came out firing again in the second half, but were unable to get anything past Jack Holmes. As the clock began to tick down, the pressure mounted on the Schiavonia defence and the Galaxy strikers. Graham Innigsworth came off for Cristiano Toldo and Deca Joao Doninho for Taitum Jopolik as the Galaxy put increasing pressure on the Schiavone defenders.

In the eightieth minute, the Schiavone defence cracked. Ryley Bloudin took a blistering shot that curved in on goal, and Holmes only was able to punch it out, and punched it right to Silas McGinney, who chipped it into the goal putting the Galaxy up two-one. Five minutes later, the Galaxy put the final nail in the coffin. Ryley Bloudin, long-suffering striker whose talents have been seen as going to waste on the international scale, screamed down the middle and took a cross from Elliot Deldier, dribbled around the charging Holmes, and placed it in an open net in what was sure to be one of the prettiest goals of the World Cup. As the whistle sounded, fans rejoiced in the streets. Fireworks and flares went off in the crowd, and the Stars were going to advance.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans ..:: 3 - 1 ::.. Schiavonia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/schiavonia.png

Galaxy Draw Krytenia; Could Face Starblaydia

LONDON - Here at FFLC headquarters, the mood was ecstatic after the 3-1 victory over Schiavonia and their advancement into the round of sixteen. Drawing one of the highest ranked teams in the world, Krytenia, has done nothing to dampen the spirit around the office. When asked about what the foreign media was saying about the Galaxy's chances to get to the quarter finals, secretary Margaret declared that, "What they day doesn't matter. I think Starblaydia had better watch out." Head of the Football Federation Daniel Davies also agreed with the sentiment. "I believe we can beat Krytenia, and I think we can also beat Starblaydia. Is the final too much to reach for? I don't think so."

GRAHAM CITY SUN Knockout Round Projections

Bazalonia over Ariddia
New Montreal States loses to The Archregimancy
Starblaydia over Jeruselem
Krytenia falls to The Lowland Clans
Bettia is defeated by Squornshelous
Az-cz falls to Bedistan
Oliverry is upset by Errinundera
Capitalist SLANI defeats Milchama

Quarter-Finals

Bazalonia defeats the Archregimancy
Starblaydia is upset by The Lowland Clans
Bedistan defeats Sqourshelous
Capitalist SLANI defeats Errinundera

Semi-Finals

Bazalonia is felled by group stage foe The Lowland Clans
Bedistan defeats Capitalist SLANI

Final

The Lowland Clans completes the defeats of the giants by defeating Bedistan to win their first World Cup

Third-Place Playoff

Bazalonia defeats Capitalist SLANI for their first podium finish

I Get No Respect

Once again, international pundits are divided in opinion as to the fate of the Pschychoes. This time, Az-Cz, who predicted us to fall in the group stage, have Squornshelous going all the way to another third place finish. Bedistani sportscasters also predict that we will advance, while those from Capitalizt Slani and Krytenia, who mistakenly credited the invention of the Stupidheads nickname to Audioslavian great Jeremy Jaffacake, both foretold a victory for Bettia. As a bit of a history lesson, it was, in fact, the Kingsford press who first tagged the Pschychoes with the Stupidheads epithet, following a 4-0 defeat at Squornshelan hands.

So once again, Squornshelous is going out with something to prove: that they are still among the elite of international football, and that their opponents are not. Bettia may be a good team, and a match for most sides out there, but if both teams play their best, Squornshelous outclasses them. It should be a simple matter to just buckle down and play solid football for 90 minutes.

It is our belief that sportscasters really haven't done their research on the Squornshelan side for this cup, leading to these misconceptions of vulnerability. For example, press from The Islands of Qutar recommended that other teams in group F keep an eye out for forward Jaromil Ctibor, who has only appeared in matches where Squornshelous had already secured advancement, and even then, he hasn't started. Perhaps this works out for the best for Squornshelous though. If teams don't fully know the details on the Pschycho team they're facing, it will be that much easier for out attack to pick them apart.

RP Cutoff for the Round of 16 of the WC xXxI Finals.


The Lowland Clans Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11949108&postcount=28) -- Vilita Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11949091&postcount=27)

[ooooh.... 30 mins of internet access after all...]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

COACH ORDERS TEAM TO LOSE
Orthodox Brothers Advance to Quarterfinals

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Having declared that he had achieved everything he wanted for the squad by dramatically qualifying for the second round and knocking one of the top three teams in the world out of the competition in the process, Coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable today ordered his team to lose to fellow Orthodox nation New Montreal States.

Paraphrasing John 15:12-13, Coach Polycarp declared "'This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends' Or throw the football match so that the better Orthodox team wins through, therefore increasing the chances of an Orthodox World Cup champion. But make it look good - no more than a 2 goal margin, alright?"

Sources close to the team are said to be concerned that Fr. Polycarp will not return as coach in World Cup 32 following rumours that the veteran hermit was disgusted by the attitude taken by the Monastic Football Association in their reaction to the World Cup draw. An anonymous source said to be close to the coach reports Fr. Polycarp as saying 'a little bit more Christian love and humility, and a little less un-Christian whingeing wouldn't do them any harm, you know'.

"This game is so going to be exciting, Bazalonia - Ariddia, Ariddia - Bazalonia. What was that thing that happened in the QuakMyBush match anyway?" asked John Michaels as they entered the stadium that the upcoming match is being held in. "It's not the CIS but still quite good lookin'" said his father. They made their way into the section of the stadium and waited for the match to start. "Now this match will be exciting, said Margaret eagely awaiting

As usual the national anthems played the Ariddian and the Bazalonian which everyone despite the team they barrack for stood up and respected. At least one thing could be said for the stadium the PA system was quite good, and then down to business.

The first half saw both teams make forays into enemy territory but was stopped before any real chances where given. In fact it was quite a stalement until in the dieing minutes the Bazalopes scored the first goal of the match. Getting up 1-0 at half-time.

A magnificent header from Peter Hobble sealed the goal tearing past the Ariddian keeper. The Ariddians did not really have enough time to make a counter-attack but they tried anyway, they had made some progress into the defense until the whistle blew.

There was no incident unlike last time during half time and the team managed to come out in a mood that saw the team fired up. The second half was unfortunately for the observers much like the 1st how this time in the 71st minute an Ariddian foray into the Bazalonian defense paid off resulting in tieing the match up 1-all.

The rest of the match the ball too and froed between the teams neither could get a decent chance at scoring and those that where at somewhat decent were really hard. But it was somewhat of an enjoyable fruitless struggle as the quality of the football shown by both sides where top class and it was not for lack of trying that the score remained 1-all to the full-time whistle.

The extra-time was much similiar both sides worked hard and played some really great and enjoyable football, however neither could score. At the end of the extra-time both sides where still 1-1.

So it went on to Penalty kicks...

John and Richard could nor believe it Margaret was having a whale of a time she just kept chanting "Penalty Kicks" like it was he Mantra... "Penalty Kicks"

The first kick missed from the Bazalonians' the next four however made it on the Ariddian side the 1st and 2nd balls went through the 3rd didn't but the 4th and 5th did. Leaving 4-4 penalty kicks. Another kick after kick after kick the balls went into the nets... 6-6, 9-9, 12-12... and then something happened Peter Hobble who was up kicked the ball again the ball sailing through the air hit the underside of the rail and bounced to the ground in front of the net. The Ball landed and spun back towards the net... however the ball went over the top of the net and no PK was scored. The Ariddians made their shot... and where Jubilent in a tough hadr fought and epic match.

The Ariddians where going to the quarters to face someone, it didn't matter the road for the Bazalopes had ended very quite uncerimoniously.

John and Richard Michaels were up in arms over the PK loss. Come on 12-13 penalty kicks that's got to be a re-sim. I demand a re-sim." said Richard.

"Re-sim?! Don't you mean a re-match?" asked John puzzled he had no idea what a re-sim was "Richard, Re-sim?? Yes, sorry, re-match We demand a re-match..." Their calls landed on deaf ears. There is not to be any re-match between the Bazalope and the Roige-Et-Noirs(OOC: Aplogies for the spelling) and the Ariddians where to progress in an amazing result.

In the after game press conference.

"I'm quite proud of the waythe boys have handled themselve. Our minds where back on game after the incident at half-time in the Quakmybush game. My hat goes off to the Ariddians who where an excellent opponent and I just want to say that I'm seriously at a loss to say who or what was behind the incident and I personally don't think that any of the nations that rumours say where involved where involved. I did not mean to hint at any sort of link between the sickly occurance in the change rooms and Ariddia at all and I wish them all the best in the upcoming match."

A very grumpy Dazza Dallas and an always happy Ricky Pointy Stick

Ricky: I'm Ricky Pointy Stick, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. My co-host Dazza Dallas is not happy camper.
Dazza: You can that again.

Ricky: Dazza doesn't want to talk about it so I'm going to explain. We lost to Starblaydia again, but not just any old loss. We lost FIVE ONE, but then we also lost TWO ONE in World Cup XXX. So when Jeruselem play Starblaydia anytime in the World Cup, you know who is going to win.
Dazza: At least we beat in the Women's World Cup (sighs) but nowhere else

Ricky: Yeah, we have a terrible record against Starblaydia - but then most teams do, except ours is like 0%. Qazox must have been doing something right.
Dazza: They had the gameplay to beat Starblaydia but it didn't work against the Paladins or us. Oh well ...

Ricky: Once again, Starblaydia win and well, we go home.
Dazza: If it was anyone else, we probably could have won. One day, when no one expects it - we will win.

Ricky: Let's get on the other games. Now, three hundred billion cheers for poor old - Bazalonia.
Dazza: Bazalonia took on Ariddia and lost in very sad circumstances. Both teams were tied at ONE ALL after two halves extra time. And down to the best penalty shoot-out of all world cup time!

Ricky: Arridia won the shootout THIRTEEN TWELVE! Yes, TWENTY FIVE KICKS later, the issue was resolved.
Dazza: Poor old Bazalonia, even SuperDude must be crying right now. It's cruel game, these finals. I think some people may have died during the shoot-out.

Ricky: Battle of Orthordox teams! The Paladins took on the Monks, sword vs prayer, armour vs fervour, honour vs sancity. Who prevailed?
Dazza: The Monks lucky run crashed at end of Paladin sword. New Montreal States stopped the monks run with shuddering halt, winning THREE ONE.

Ricky: Those monks did their best but the Paladins were too good on the day.
Dazza: Orthordox team won either way!

Ricky: One of the hosts - the remaining one as Vilita did not escape the group stage fell out. No host will win.
Dazza: Krytenia shows the hosts their impression of gratitude and dumped The Lowland Clans out ythe cup with TWO ONE win. Well, it's better than losing 1-5.

Ricky: Bettia's run into the final was stopped by a Squornshelous team. Squornshelous won on penalties but only FOUR TWO which is not as dramatic as the Ariddia vs Bazalonia game.
Dazza: I thought Bettia, Nedalia's mates would win but this football. Hey, at least Jeruselem and Bettia made to the 2nd round even if Nedalia did not.

Ricky: Speaking of Lions, the real Lions and current champs had no trouble at all.
Dazza: How to do say that team's name?

Ricky: A-ZED, SEE-ZED I think. Anyway they got mauled FIVE ONE like Jeruselem by Bedistan.
Dazza: Well, I'm putting money on Bedistan vs Starblaydia final again.

Ricky: Oliverry, the quiet achiever crushed the hopes of the Errinundera team with a FOUR ONE scoreline.
Dazza: You know, we must see if Oliverry makes to the semis - they could win.

Ricky: Milchama may not win any women's world cup but look the World Cup team - they march into the quarters after disposing of the veteran Commerce Heights.
Dazza: Interesting, Oliverry or Milchama could just upset the balance if Bedistan or Starblaydia stumble. Saying that, the Paladins and Ariddia aren't out of the equation either.

Ricky: There you have it, we lost to Starblaydia again. You alright Dazza?
Dazza: No ... not really.

Ricky: OK, I say a New Montreal States upset against Bedistan in the final.
Dazza: Starblaydia to beat Bedistan in the final for me, pains me to say.

Ricky: I think Dazza's having one of those moments.
Dazza: (starts crying)

Ricky: Here, here. It's alright Dazza (lets Dazza cry on his shoulder)

Ricky: It's the end of the line for Jeruselem and we all know it. Dazza's going be back, in the Women's World Cup were Jeruselem are champs. Oh and I'm back on the Tour de qazox. It's end of THE FOOTBALL LIFE from me and poor old Dazza here. Rachel Kool will be covering the quarter, semi and grand final. Hey, she's still a babe guys but you all know that. Come on Dazza, short trip to the bar from here, my shout.
Dazza: Thanks.

<Stuff appears on screen>

The Lowland Clans Region
Bazalonia [1] Ariddia [1] Ariddia advances (12-13) on penalty kicks.
New Montreal States [3] The Archregimancy [1]
Starblaydia [5] Jeruselem [1]
Krytenia [2] The Lowland Clans [1]

Vilitan Region
Bettia [2] Squornshelous [2] Squornshelous advances (2-4) on penalty kicks.
Bedistan [5] Az-cz [1]
Oliverry [4] Errinundera [1]
Milchama [4] Commerce Heights [0]

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png Bazalonia 1-1 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

PEN: Bazalonia 12-13 Ariddia

Closest match ever?

They say being the favourite “on paper” is never a good omen, and the Rouge-et-Noirs were no doubt well aware of it as they lined up on the field to play against Bazalonia. Recent controversies appeared forgotten, as spectators stood respectfully for both anthems, and the Ariddians performed the fearsome ulek without any unusual signs of animosity.

Melenciuc had called upon the usual starting eleven, and it looked like the usual tactics too. The Rouge-et-Noirs were trying for an early goal, but had to contend with an equally forward-playing Bazalonian side. Both teams’ defences were solid, and goalkeepers Granville and Constantine performed admirable. Spectators held their breath anxiously as they waited to see who would score the opening goal.

It was the Bazalopes. Finally breaching Ariddia’s defences, Hobble powered through, sending the ball hurtling into Granville’s net. Ariddian fans were left worriedly waiting for the second half, holding on to the hope of an equaliser. . . and more.

Although both team’s opportunities were repeatedly frustrated, no-one could have claimed it was a boring match. The Rouge-et-Noirs held their opponents away while trying again and again to score the goal that would keep them in the competition. Melenciuc brought in Trevor Komu and Ke Sho to freshen up both attack and defence.

Whether or not Bazalope fans believed their team could contain the Rouge-et-Noirs for a full ninety minutes, they were proved wrong at last in the seventy-first. Ariddia had scored goals in twenty of its twenty-one matches in this Cup so far, and had no intention of letting that change. It was Nathalie Simon who brought them deliverance, slipping the ball neatly past Constantine and prolonging the match.

Prolonging it, in fact, for another nail-biting half an hour, and all the way into a penalty shoot-out – Ariddia’s first in a long, long time.

The tired players gathered round their coach to confer, and the penalty shooters were soon decided on. The entire stadium watched tensely.

The Bazalopes took the first kick. James Kantwell faced a serious-looking, focused Cécile Granville. As Bazalonian fans chanted in support of their player, Kantwell ran forward, kicked it. . . Granville dived to the left, and slammed the ball to a stop. Ariddians everywhere leapt to their feet and cheered. It was a superb start, and quite unexpected.

Kyaw was the first in line on the Ariddian side, walking up to face Jeffery Constantine. She grinned at the Bazalonian keeper cheekily, then turned serious, took a deep breath. . . and sent the ball hurtling past him.

One-nil for the Rouge-et-Noirs. Supporters applauded wildly.

Colin Neil and Nam Hyok-Jun went next, each scoring for their team. Then Peter Hobble, successfully scoring for Bazalonia. . . and Trevor Komu, whose shot on goal was saved by Constantine. Worried expressions returned to Ariddian faces around the planet. It was back to square one. Komu tilted his head back, lifting closed fists over his eyes, no doubt cursing himself for the lost opportunity.

Bazalonia’s Benny Peters and Anthony Creek both scored after that, as did Ariddia’s Nathalie Simon – the player whose earlier goal had kept her country in the game. Last up was Xavier Xu.

Melenciuc had specifically brought Xu in right at the end of extra time, keeping him for the penalty shoot-out. The team’s third goalie, inexperienced but highly skilled, was reputed to be one of Ariddia’s best penalty shooters, and he had the advantage of not being in the least bit tired.

In his hands – or foot – was the team’s future for this competition. If he missed, Ariddia would be eliminated.

Xu faced Constantine calmly, two goalkeepers playing a single penalty kick, and just as calmly shot the ball into the net, before walking back to his team players with a large smile on his face. Four goals apiece; the interminable match continued.

All ten players went in for a second round, and all ten of them scored. Granville was looking slightly frustrated, despite her vital save against Kantwell earlier. Nine goals apiece. The game continued.

Kantwell scored for the second time as Granville dived too low. Kyaw, still manging to look cheerful, stuck her tongue out playfully at Constantine, and scored her third penalty kick. This was sudden death at its most tense. Eventually, one of the ten players would make a mistake, and the hopes of an entire nation would be dashed. The mistake would not be Kyaw’s, though. She pumped her fists eagerly into the air, grinning as she walked away once more.

Colin Neil and Nam Hyok-Jun both scored yet again for their respective teams, making it eleven goals for each side. Benny Peters and Nathalie Simon scored. . . Twelve all. The tension for spectators was close to unbearable. Every new goal scored by their side caused cheers; every goal by their opponents kept alive the possibility of failure.

Peter Hobble walked into position opposite Granville, and kicked the ball a third time. This time, however, it sailed too high, bouncing off the bar. There was a moment of stunned silence. Then Ariddian fans leapt up, shouting enthusiastically. Victory was within their grasp!

Horns were tooted, flags waved wildly, and part of the stadium began singing the Ariddian national anthem with loud, hopeful confidence. Amidst all the noise, Trevor Komu, the man who had missed his first shot, walked up to face Constantine with a chance to redeem himself.

To miss a second penalty kick would be unthinkable. The pressure was enormous.

Komu kicked the ball, then actually closed his eyes as it rushed past Constantine and into the net. . . only opening them again when the stadium erupted with thunderous cheers.

The entire team rushed to join him while, in Ariddia, the celebrations began. For the second time running, the country was through to the quarter-finals.

“The Bazalopes were very good,” Melenciuc said minutes later. “They put their heart and their tremendous skill into this match, and I can safely say we’ve never beaten a more difficult opponent.

There are now only eight teams left in contention. Jeruselem, Ariddia’s main opponent in the qualifying stages, is out, as is, unfortunately, Errinundera. Giorgos Charisteas, Ariddia’s only Orthodox player, had been looking forward to a quarter-final match against the Archregimancy, but New Montreal States’ win over the monks makes them the Rouge-et-Noirs’ next opponent.

“We’re going to rest and recuperate a bit, then we’re going to train hard for the next big challenge,” team captain Hanifah Kyaw said.

It’s been eight decades since an Ariddian team made it to the semi-finals of a World Cup, but the country’s hopes are up. The Aeropag Tribune’s recent announcement that it was conferring the “Sword of Takil” award upon Ariddia for most goals scored in World Cups Two and Seven has reminded the country of its past glory.

“In World Cup 7 our predecessors scored 53 goals,” Kyaw said. “This time around we’ve already scored 59, not counting this game’s penalty shoot-out of course. There’s no reason why we can’t go all the way.”

Five-Star-Blaydia Performance
Jeruselem thrashed in 2nd Round demolition

As the Jhanna Chronicle finally jumps on the graphical Spaamanian bandwagon [like the new look? Ed.] Starblaydia's national football team gave us an exhilarating match against Jeruselem to celebrate the (slightly) new format. Jaime Oberlander's side hit top gear against 11th-ranked Jeruselem and ran out victors by four clear goals. The only blot on their copybook was Abrams Tunk's goal just before the hour mark, but by then Starblaydia were already 4-1 up and cruising.

Donii was once again the main man in midfield, and this 4-1-3-2 definitely suits him as the middle man in that three. He pulls the strings on both attack and defence and always seems to be in space when required. This penchant for losing his marker was present throughout the match, as he consistently evaded McCormack's attentions, most notably for his first goal. With a great presence of mind he bamboozled the Jeruselem player and ghosted into the penalty box to slot the ball past Snaz Simpson for the first time. Fifteen minutes later he found space again and raced behind the defence. Simpson rushed out, eager to smother his shot, but Donii disguised his intentions perfectly and used his excellent awareness to slide the ball laterally to Rajko Dakic, giving the winger the simplest of finishes.

At half-time Starblaydia were justifiably 2-0 up, Paola Mendez having only to deal with a Chuck Bombit effort and watch a Dazza Dallas shot fly well clear of her goal. The second half saw four more goals, and showed why Starblaydia are one of the top teams in the world [I loved being able to say 'best in the world' every time *sob* - Ed.]. That ever-attacking full-back, Christian Averette, scored the tenth goal of his international career (a tally larger than quite a few fully-fledged strikers) in the fifty-first minute. The twenty-eight year old netted for the first time since Matchday One of the Qualifiers, when he scored the fifth of a 7-0 victory over Assegai Developments. Averette burst through the Jeruselem defence and put the ball cleverly past Simpson with a chip that bounced into the goal from the back post.

Abrams Tunk, known as the 'Tank' for his brutish strength, lived up to his billing and gave Jeruselem a tiny ray of hope from the position of being 3-0 down. A long-ball from Jackie Jones gave Averette some trouble by the corner flag, and Tunk steamed in to take the ball off him and leave the Hersch Albion defender on the deck. Tunk raced towards the net, evaded a deadly-looking, penalty-threatening sliding tackle from Darijo Cravex and squeezed the ball in at the near post for 3-1 with thirty minutes to play. Could Jeruselem turn it around?

No, they couldn't.

Kaza Matranga's great play set up Donii for his second and Starblaydia's fourth, and a cross from Dakic found the boot of Stracinho on the volley and Starblaydia had their fifth in the final ten minutes. Krytenia, the Cyan Avengers, are Starblaydia's Quarter-Final opponents for the second time in three cups. Last time Starblaydia lost 2-1 in Extra Time, much to their consternation, as Casari and Krytenia schemed to provide their teams with 1st- and 3rd-Place finishes respectively, robbing the defending champions of, at the very least, a Semi-Final place.

With no co-hosting shenanigan possibilities to give Krytenia an undeserved win, this match should be about 2nd-rank versus 5th. For the football neutrals it will surely be yet another match to remember, but for those in Purple and those in Cyan, it's payback time.


Final Score from Nicosia City Square:
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia 5 - 1 Jeruselem http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png
(Donii 15 & 64, Dakic 31, Averette 51, Stracinho 83) - (Tunk 57)
Next Match: Starblaydia v Krytenia

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/bsd-online.png

Az a dream ends
Gnomes finally bow out

LONNGEYLIN, Vilita -- The Shultis was jam-packed with people wearing one of two shades of green (Az-czid green is lighter than the Bedistani version) and either blue or pink, as #45 Az-cz hoped to pull off an upset of the defending world champion Bedistan Lions.

Those wearing blue quickly began looking happier than those wearing pink, as team captain Parker Law opened the scoring with a ferocious 12th-minute long shot that caught goalkeeper Gn-Lg wrong-footed. And it was only shortly afterward that Felicity Wilson made it two. The Gnomes were determined not to just lie down, though. They caught a break when Bedistan keeper Vailatai Issah slipped on the slightly damp pitch. Pizelkaxrovsky wasted no time in exploiting the opposition's temporary weakness. Issah could only watch as the ball sailed past him on the right and into the goal to reduce the lead to 2-1.

At halftime, the Az-cz fans seemed upbeat, and with good reason. They were only down by one, and surely with enough effort they'd be able to come up with an equalizer. But these dreams were very quickly dashed. Straight from the second-half kickoff, the Lions mobilized an attack, and mere seconds later left winger Brittany Santos had her first goal of the finals. Except for Law's opening goal, it was to be an all-girl party for Bedistan as second-half substitute Krista Maralesa provided the 4-1 goal, and to add insult to injury for the Az-czzers in the crowd, the referee awarded Bedistan a late free kick at the edge of the area, which Jacqueline Reed sent home for 5-1. There was no doubt about it, Bedistan was through and Az-cz was out.

"They were just out of their league," commented a random Bedistan fan, who spoke with what sounded to this reporter like a strong Nedalian accent. "The Lions will roar their way to the Cup again, mark my words!"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bedistan.png BEDISTAN 5
Law 12'; Wilson 17'; Santos 46'; Maralesa 69'; Reed 83'
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Az-cz.png AZ-CZ 1
Pizelkaxrovsky 28'

Bedistan now go on to face old foes Squornshelous in the quarterfinals. Right up there with Liverpool England and Capitalizt SLANI on the rivalry meter, expect the Pschychoes to give Bedistan a run for their money in the chase for the semis.

Also, BSD's predictions for the other three quarterfinal matches:

Ariddia 3-2 New Montreal States
Starblaydia 1-2 Krytenia
Oliverry 1-3 Milchama

And now we also unveil the latest BSD Unofficial Rankings. They use the same formula as the KPBs, but as we all know, nothing's official until the fat lady sings. The changes shown are compared with our last compiled Unofficial Rankings, which were from immediately after the group stage.

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/wc31/RankingsQF.png

Bonjour le Scandale!

Reportages d'une fixe contre L'Archregimance ont effect spectaculaires au Ministre, équipe

LES CLANS DU BAS-PAIS - Depuis une reportage par le Monastic Times que le match Paladins-Archregimance n'était pas contesté par les moines avant le troisème but de André Darcy dans le 66ieme minute, le Ministre du Morale et André Darcy ont pris exception a ces révélations.

"Nous croyons que le match était honeste et bien joué par les deux équipes nationales," a dit Michelle Foutoit, réprésentive du Ministre. "Il est extremement invraisemblable de croire que une équipe du calibre de L'Archregimance et un entraineur du calibre du Père Polycarpe le Vénérable ferait une chose comme ça, surtout aprés avoir renvoyé Liverpool England dans le premier stage."

Cependent, les accusations avancées par le Times ont eu un effect tonnerant sur André Darcy, qui a marqué tous les trois buts pour les Paladins. "Crisse, vous allez me dire que tout ça m'était donnée?" a dit M. Darcy a une conférence speciale appelée aprés la publication des nouvelles de la fixe. "La meilleur performance de ma petite vie puis maintenant je ne l'ai même pas fait contre de l'opposition actuelle? Caulisse!"

En attendant le match contre les Rouges-et-Noirs de l'Ariddia, le fixe apparant a détruit tout confiance dans les capabilités de l'equipe de gagner le match, ou même perder par moins de trois buts. Trois buts (bof, deux et démi, mais les démis sont par les bars) est la ligne pour le match contre Arridia qui déterminera l'avancement au démi-finale qui aurait lieu demain soir ici dans les Clans. Cette manque de foi existe aussi dans les journaux internationales. Pas une editeur des sports a eu le courage sufficement fort, ou un colis sufficement grand, pour choisir les Paladins pour l'avancement a les rangs de les quatre meilleur pais au monde, territoire étrangère a les États pour plus de quatre-vingt ans.

Avec une scandale de cette grandeur, ça sera une autre quatre-vingt avant qu'on y retourne. Notre prediction: ARRIDIA 3, PALADINS 1.

PALADINS 3 - Darcy 15, 33, 66
THE ARCHREGIMANCY 1 - 78

News item from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Agemasthead.gif

POTOROOS RECEIVE WARM WELCOME HOME

After bowing out to Oliverry 4-1 (silvu 18) the national team returned to a rapturous welcome in Errinundera. With the nation in the middle of the waratah festival fans were already in a party mood. The return home of the potoroos made this a festival like no other. As each potoroo arrived home their city or town greeted them in various celebratory ways.

McKillops Bridge: The entire team arrived in the usual way – by riverboat. For the last 20 km before arriving at the docks thrash metal bands played along the river banks to greet the team. At times up to 4 bands could be heard at once although it didn’t seem to make any difference to the sound. After the rest of the team went their various ways the local players were guests of honour at a reception at the former palace.
rosaniel – winner of the leighm medal for the Errinundrian player of the cup – top scorer in the team with 16 goals
evolu – potoroos #2 keeper – serviceable series
thiend – young defender mainly used as a substitute
withare – the national coach slipped off the river boat 30 kms from McKillops Bridge and bushwalked home refusing to attend any functions.
bernadetten (botanist): “rosaniel is so angelic and so genderqueer. I want to bear quer love child.”

First Creek Falls: #1 keeper, lotorous, was thrown into the Grand Canal watched by 216,000 fans in Red Marx Square. Giant effigies of well-known politicians were burnt to the great satisfaction of the crowd. In the cup lotorous played well overall but had a few bad matches
eithmoo (part-time corporate torcher): “The team isn’t really all that talented. I suppose the coach should take much of the credit.”

Goonmirk Rocks: A special mud-wrestling contest was organised to coincide with the homecoming of silvu, the team captain who had a great series showing skill and leadership. Due to the lack of rain recently, the plateau treetown had to use artificial mud. Players and spectators alike said the artificial mud felt much nicer on the skin than the real thing.
ickmaso (wannabe racing car driver): “It was so good beating Rejistania.”

Goongerah: It seems that a particularly wild depa gas rave left the entire tree city catatonic for 3 days. Local potoroo venu, who had a quiet World Cup, was hospitalised after overdosing on the gas. The other potoroo, denticulatae, made several critical errors during the cup but is young and will improve.
lanwhit (political hack): “We made it to the second round. Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Rooty Break: Despite near drought conditions throughout the rest of Errinundera, heavy rain washed out the celebrations. Rooty Break midfielder soflaw probably didn’t deserve special treatment on the form she showed in the World Cup.
illbrufor (sex worker): “If soflaw is the best player the Rooties have then the team is f***ed.”

Bonang: A mock ceremony was held at the mock “sacred tree” FINGER in honour of itzro who, as a defender, played well at times. She was an enthusiastic contributor to the naked dancing around the pole.
onha (gravedigger): “We’ve got the best Gonads in Errinundera.”

Fanny Moo: Local Ootopian stars, phazel and the rookie zenoida were guests of honour at a golden top party. The share price for headache tablet manufacturers rose on news of the event. phazel was the potoroos’ best defender at the cup; zenoida managed one goal, despite limited opportunities.
nagaddadavid: “My head feels like there is an endless drum solo going on inside.”

Seldom Seen: We have yet to ascertain what form of celebration took place here or obtain a quote from a local. There was nothing memorable about the performance of lovef.

Ellery Camp: addicksonia and otelopea led a tree branch gymnastics display. Both players showed glimpses of form during the cup.
olli (actor/musician): Why do we always produce charlatans and prima donnas in this treetown?”

Big Tree Camp: A sudden cold snap derailed plans for an all-out orgy. Instead local Monkeytop star arpentek who had an undistinguished world cup led community singing at the Amphitheatre. Rookie cunégonde showed that she will be future star (football rather than singing).
tarkdi: (narrator of children’s stories): “I would’ve preferred the orgy.”

Wulgulmerang: An old bus was filled with fireworks and pushed over the edge of the precipice along the dirt road between Wulgulmerang and McKillops Bridge. The detonation was heard in both cities. Local footballing star motucku was solid in defence throughout the cup.
emmefata (mother of 8): “motucku needs to improve her defensive play at corner kicks to become one of the best defenders in the world.”

Bola Mine: Celebrations were abandoned when 33 people where seriously injured falling into an abandoned mineshaft. hornbur’s form in the World Cup also fell into a hole after a promising start.
arlpalme (railway yard worker): “I have golden memories of this World Cup.”

Sassafras Basin: A bush dance was held under the trees with matherosperma the lead singer of the band “The Bunyip Aristocracy”. The stylish midfielder was one of the stars of World Cup 31.
niquu (magistrate): “We don’t produce all that many great footballers but the ones we do are extraordinarily skilful.

Bendoc: The town presented young lyseup with a carved wooden cup as a reward for her great performances from limited opportunities in the national team.
Timothy No (holidaying Ariddian author): “I’m so disappointed that our teams didn’t play each other in the cup.”

Deddick: Although que only played as a substitute, #3 keeper owiavi, showed enough that que is likely to be the principle goalie one day. A statue was erected in quer honour in the city’s botanical gardens.
onmooeller (gardener): Que’s come a long way in such a short time. I suppose the same could be said for the whole team.”

Rodger River: A hummathon is still in progress. The city is trying to break its own world record of 373 days. Why bother? Who cares? Potoroo zirza advised organisers that a distant relative in Bendoc had died preventing her from attending the event. The rookie player was seen just as often in the World Cup matches. We didn’t bother visiting Rodger River for a quote from a local, what with the hummathon and all.

Az-cz Scroll
Lonngeylin
Il-Lur

Gnomes unable to regroup, pasted by Bedistan

After an incredible run towards the knockout round of the cup things took a downward spiral and flew quickly out of control. Just two days before the match against Bedistan team captain Zax-Im was shot. By match day his condition had stabilized somewhat but he was still in serious condition at the hospital. Not only was he their emotional leader and one of their best defenders, but their mines were clearly other places than on the football pitch. On the best of days against Bedistan you have problems, on an off day things can get ugly quickly. And they did.

Bedistan struck in the 12th and 17th minutes to put the gnomes in an early hole. On the first shot Gn-Lg had no chance as he seemed to be looking for a pass when a suprise shot got fired in. The second one was just pure goal poaching. Wilson made a nice run on a back pass and went in alone to put Bedistan up.

Nerazzurri got the team together and rallied the team and they immediately improved their form. For the last 30 minutes of the half they were the better team, with Pizelkaxrovsky even showing his brilliance by curling in a beautiful shot when the Bedistani keeper had fell over.

But at halftime you could tell that the rush of adrenaline had worn off and their minds had drifted back to their fallen friend. And the Bedistanis took advantage. Scoring almost immediately after the kickoff demoralized the Pink & Green. For the first time the entire cup or qualifiers they just gave up. They clearly didn't have anything left in their tanks.

Bedistan added a goal in the 69th and took their foot of the gas but still earned a free kick late in the match and fired the Gnomes down.

Although they went down in an disappointing manner, the Gnomes definitely acquitted themselves well this world cup. With almost the entire team scheduled to be back they will be a force to reckon with next world cup.

Stats
Score Az-cz 1 Bedistan 5
Az-cz Scorers 28 Pizelkaxrovsky
Possession Az-cz 35% Bedistan 65%
Shots Az-cz 6 Bedistan 17
Corners Az-cz 0 Bedistan 3

Jo-El: Joining us to recap the tournament for us is coach Hawdon. No players will be joining us tonight.

Az-cz reporter 1: Coach, how is Zax-Im?

Hawdon: He's getting better. He should make a full recovery. The shot missed his organs so he should get better. But still he's been shot from close range, which is bad news.

Az-cz reporter 2: How much effect do you think that had on the game?

Hawdon: Well anytime your captain and your key defensive midfielder gets injured it's clearly going to hurt your team significantly. But Bedistan deserves some credit. They didn't ascend to the top spot in the world on luck. They played great today. You can't blame them for what happened to Zax-Im.

Frank Dee: Will you be back next cup?

Hawdon: Yes, both me and coach Khim will be back.

Az-cz reporter 3: How bout the AOCAF?

Hawdon: Considering the late start of the AOCAF this time, we will be coaching in it.

Az-cz reporter 4: How about the roster for the AOCAF and World Cup 32?

Hawdon: Both currently undecided. Probably we'll let the main players rest and use the young back ups and other young players.

Az-cz reporter 5: There are rumors that Az-cz might be bidding to host World Cup 32. Any truth to that? If so who might the co-host be?

Hawdon: I don't know. I just coach the team. I'm not the football federation. If they bid, they bid.

Jo-El: Well we want to let the coach get out of here. Congratulations on a fine campaign. We'll see you again for the AOCAF.

(OOC: All this is non-canon to the current AO situation, of course.)

A short time ago, in a country not far away...

KRY-STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK IN THE CLANS

There is unrest in the AO Council; the Starblaydi nation has declared its intentions to rule the continent.

This separatist movement, under the leadership of Count Viannor, has made it difficult for the limited number of Kryti Knights to maintain peace and order in Calania.

President Domasca, the President of Krytenia, is returning to the Strategic Defence League to vote on the critical issue of creating an Army of the Republics to assist the overwhelmed Kryti.

Meanwhile, in the tumultuous nation of The Lowland Clans, a sinister man greets his foe, with a sinister purpose...

DARTH BLAYDER: I've been waiting for you, Gabi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.

Gabi-Wan Kenedi moves with elegant ease into a classical offensive position. The fearsome Purple Knight takes a defensive stance.

BLAYDER: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.

KENEDI: Only a master of evil, Simeone.

The two warriors stand perfectly still for a few moments, sizing each other up and waiting for the right moment. Gabi-Wan seems to be under increasing pressure and strain, as if an invisible weight were being placed upon him. He
shakes his head and, blinking, tries to clear his eyes. Ben makes a sudden lunge at the huge warrior but is checked by a lightning movement of the Starth Lord. A masterful slash stroke by Blayder is blocked by the old Kryti. Another of the Kryti's blows is blocked, then countered. Ben moves around the Starth Lord and starts backing into the massive starship hangar. The two powerful warriors stand motionless for a few moments with laser swords locked in mid-air, creating a low buzzing sound.

BLAYDER: Your powers are weak, old man.

KENEDI: You can't win, Simeone. If you strike me down, I shall become more
powerful than you can possibly imagine.

As they hit their lightsabers together, cyan and violet lightning flashes on impact. A set of Venator Stormtroopers close in on Gabi-Wan's position; Gabi-Wan sees the troops charging toward him and realizes that he is trapped. Blayder takes advantage of Gabi-Wan's momentary distraction and brings his mighty lightsaber down on the old man. Gabi-Wan manages to deflect the blow and swiftly turns around. The old Kryti Knight looks over his shoulder at his apprentice, Rick Krywalker, lifts his sword from Blayder's then watches his opponent with a serene look on his face. Vader brings his sword down, cutting the old man in half. Gabi-Wan's cloak falls to the floor in two parts, but Gabi-Wan is not in it. Blayder is puzzled at Gabi-Wan's disappearance and pokes at the empty cloak. Rick sees Gabi-Wan cut in two and starts for him. Aghast, he yells out.

RICK: Nooooooooooooo!

Blayder, hearing the scream, turns his body towards Rick's hiding place.

BLAYDER: You cannot hide forever, Rick.

RICK: I will not fight you.

BLAYDER: Give yourself to the purple side. It is the only way you can save your team. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for...

Blayder stops and senses something. Rick shuts his eyes tightly, in anguish.

BLAYDER: Duffy! So...you have a godmod. Your feelings have now betrayed him, too. Gabi-Wan was wise to hide him from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the purple side, then perhaps he will.

RICK: Never-r-r!

Rick ignites his lightsaber and screams in anger, rushing at his foe with a frenzy he has not felt before. Sparks fly as Rick and Blayder fight in the cramped area. Rick's hatred forces Blayder to retreat out of the low area and across a bridge overlooking a vast elevator shaft. Each stroke of Rick's sword drives the Starth Lord further toward defeat. Blayder is knocked to his knees, and as he raises his sword to block another onslaught, Rick slashes Blayder's right hand off at the wrist, causing metal and electronic parts to fly from the mechanical stump. Blayder's sword clatters uselessly away, over the edge of the platform and into the bottomless shaft below. Rick moves over Blayder and holds the blade of his sword to the Purple Lord's throat.

BLAYDER: (rasping) Shenaniganssss.....

RP Cutoff for the Quarter Final Round of the WC xXxI Finals.


The Lowland Clans Region -- Vilita Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11958726&postcount=29)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 1-2 New Montreal States http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png

Just short of history

The Rouge-et-Noirs narrowly failed to make history by defeating New Montreal States for a place in the semi-finals, instead bowing out to their fellow francophone nation.

“I’m disappointed, obviously,” team captain Hanifah Kyaw said. “It would have been great to be in the semis.”

Within the long span of its World Cup history, Ariddia has reached the semi-finals only once (in World Cup 10), and the team had hoped to equal that achievement today.

“It’s a matter of time,” coach Evgheny Melenciuc said confidently. “We have one of the best teams in the world, and we’re growing stronger all the time.”

A goal by Dave Rider ensured that the Ariddians would not walk away from the match goalless, but New Montreal States’ Billy Corcoran scored two, nudging his country into the world’s top four.

Shortly after the match, Ariddia’s goalkeeper Cécile Granville, aged 34, announced that she would probably be retiring from international football. Granville earned the admiration of her compatriots for her skill during the competition, conceeding far fewer goals than most of her predecessors. She will undoubtedly not be the only player to leave, suggesting that there will be new faces in two years’ time. Among them, perhaps, John Cohen, a defender who has received training in Errinundera.

“I wish the best of luck to the teams still in the competition,” Kyaw said. “It’ll be interesting to see who wins it.”

we now return you to KBS One's Big Match Live. Simon Prutton is your commentator; Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips is providing the analysis.

SP: So, it all boils down to this. Krytenia, in their home colours of sky blue, will line up in that classic "System Munitis" 4-3-1-2; their opponents will be kicking off towards the goal to our right; Oberlander's men, in their change strip of purple, will be playing the famous diamond formation.

JJP: You can practically taste the tension in the stands; it's as if every fan has bet their house, car, spouse and soul on this game. Gonna be a cracker, Simon.

19 minutes

SP: Bit of a giveaway there, Matranga recovers, in some space now...[TINK]...off the post! - and Di Vaio scrambles it behind! What a let-off for the Aces!

JJP: Yep, Penniton fell asleep there, cracking shot from Kaza Matranga, but the swerve just coasted it onto the framework. Barradez had no chance on that one and it should be one-nil to the Starblaydis right now.

27 minutes

SP: Another promising run from Tejai, but Avarette's doing a good job of chasing him down...oh! Scything tackle there from the right-back!

JJP: Could be in trouble here - ref's calling him over and...yellow.

SP: The Schiavone official showing a little leniency there, but it's going to be Thomas Cooper with the inswinging free-kick. Steps into it, loops in a cross - Adams away, but still danger - Friday shoots - deflection - and poked in! Chaos in the goalmouth, Starblaydi defenders surrounding the referee, but the goal counts! Any ideas just what happened there, Jerome?

JJP: It's a great ball from Cooper, and Adams does well to get anything on it under pressure from Gryce. Ball falls to Friday and as he shoots, the Starblaydi 'keeper dives, and she's so unlucky that it hits Cravex and falls to Isserson - he's just about onside and all he needs to do is poke the ball home. Terrible luck for the former champions, but a goal's a goal, Simon.

SP: One-nil, and the Krytenian fans are in dreamland! Can their heroes keep hold of the lead?

43 minutes

SP: Here come the Starblaydis again, Prizzoni, searching for Matranga - well read by Penniton who gets it away, and there could be a break on! Quinnell forward now. Spots the run of Duffy - goalie's off her line - DUFFY!!!!!!!!!! Two-nil! Two-nil to the Krytenians! OH MY WORD!

JJP: Ref's not given it. Flag's up.

SP: Let's have another look - yes, he's just played offside, and Adams read that well to step forward there. This game's still got plenty of life in it yet! Furious tempo here!

45 minutes

SP: And that's it! Half-time and a chance for everyone to catch their breath. Predictions on the second half, Jerome?

JJP: It's still there for either side to win. Both sides have ridden their luck, and Starblaydia won't just lie down - even a second may not be enough. Both managers will be forcing the point in the dressing rooms - keep sharp, keep focused, don't give it away. Should be a cracker.

Second half - 61 minutes

SP: Krytenia still can't clear it. Dakic now. In for Karo. Good ball forward, Asante shoots - good parry! Matranga...NO! Another good save! Volare - oh! Penniton's palmed that away, and it's a penalty to Starblaydia!

JJP: He's got to go now. Must be red.

SP: Here comes the referee - red card! Penniton is off and Krytenia are down to ten! Gryce is really giving the ref some - and the yellow comes out for him!
Things simmering down now as Kaza Matranga places the ball. It's Matranga versus Barradez from twelve yards. Matranga....SAAAAAAAAAAVE! Barradez guesses right and scrambles onto the rebound as well!

JJP: Matranga struck with some force, but not quite in the corner; Barradez saves with his stomach and reacts quickly enough to grab the loose ball before Asante, and somehow, the lead is kept.

84 minutes

SP: Duffy now in the centre circle. Knows he can take his time. Out to Walters, the substitute. Nice one-two with Friday. Gets to the byline, pulls back and floats it - and QUINNELL!!!! Nodded home at the back post and Krytenia are surely home and dry now! Two-nil!

JJP: Oh dear, oh dear. Where was the marking? Mendez dithers over whether to come out, and by the time she spots Quinnell's run it's too late and the striker nods home with ease!

90 minutes

SP: And there it is! It's all over, and the two Qs have put Krytenia past the quarters! Two-nil, a game that will live long in the memory of these players - but for Jamie Oberlander and his team, bred on success, this is a result that will stick in the craw for an awful long time. Final score here then, Krytenia two, Starblaydia nil!

Oliverrians going to the Semi-finals of a World Cup? Comment cela a pu arriver?

Eh oui! During the news breakout that surrounded World Cup 31 (the ASO forced the medias to reveal absolutely nothing about what happent so that people could buy tickets to go to games), Les Français were able to win all their matches, from Az-Cz, which were thinking they could beat the Oliverrian squad, to Casari, one of the favourites. They also survived 2 lower teams that still managed to get to the playoffs, AKA Errinundera and Milchama. The last one was a bit lowish score, but the team managed to win anyway.

When we interviewed Jonathan Fairbanks about it, he told us, in an excellent French: "Je suis très surpris de ces résultats. Je savais que mon équipe était excellente, mais pas à ce point." About last game, many people were surprized about the win, when it came out at SportsChannel. Once it came out, every media had no choice but to break the ban and show that Oliverry was a semi-finalist. Let's now describe what happent on the last game.

On first half, merely nothing happent. The only major thing was the fact that Fairbanks somehow made a disrespectful thing implying his hand being closed excepted the major digit of the hand being up to the other coach, some referees and some journalists as well. He was expelled from the game and Jean-Alan Bellemort took his place. 0-0 was the Half-time score.

On second half, Les Français scored 2 quick goals. Both by Antoine Larocque. After 60 minutes, it was 2-0. Some Oliverrians started playing roughly after that, so Wyan Youban and William Jones were kicked out of the game by the referee after they got red carded. This made it possible for Milchama to score at the 84th minute. They then took control of the game, but Marcel L'Heureux was able to stop every other shot and at the final whistle, it was 2-1 for Oliverry.

Les Français sont semi-finalistes!! It is a great day for Oliverrian soccer as the national team is finally able to win something. The team has a chance to win the world cup and it's not a bad thing. We, at Journal de Perpignant, would like to wish good luck to our national team as they're going to fight Squornshelous for the Semi-Final of World Cup 31. Please note that this game will be presented on SportsChannel in English and on CSF in French, starting 7:30 PM

A Changing of the Guard

The Quarterfinals of World Cup 31 marked what may turn out to be the end of an era. Liverpool England had already fallen early in the first round, unfortunate to be drawn into an exceptionally difficult group, but for the first time since World Cup 29, we will have two semifinal matches, niether of which features any team from Bedistan, Starblaydia or Liverpool England (and to find the next time that happened we must go all the way back to WC23). What remains are the top four teams* in the world aside from those who have ruled this stage of the cup of late: Krytenia, Squornshelous, Oliverry and New Montreal States. This quartet of teams is also remarkable in that none of them have ever hoisted the cup before.

The Pschychoes defeated old foes Bedistan for the first time in quite a while by a fairly impressive score of 2-0, breathing much easier than during our PK victory over Bettia in the second round. Squornshelous will now face Les Francais d'Oliverry, hoping to reach their second World Cup final. On the other side of the bracket, Krytenia faces New Montreal States in another very tight match. It's impossible to predict who will win with four teams so closely matched, but we certainly hope it's us, we've been chasing that trophy longer than just about anyone, and this looks like the best chance to snag it we'll ever get.

*based on Bedistani press release of projected rankings as of the quarterfinals

RP Cutoff for the Semi-Final Round of the WC xXxI Finals.

The Lowland Clans Region -- Vilita Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11967497&postcount=30)

Oliverry loses because of officials coming from countries hating Oliverry!!

The main referee was from Liverpool England, 1 linesman came from Bedistan and the other from Quakmybush. A 4th referee was from the Unified Capitalizt States.

After 10 minutes, Antoine Larocque scored a goal, but it got disallowed after the Liverpool Englander referee declared that one of the keeper's shoes was untied. This caused many Oliverrian fans to throw untied shoes to the Liverpool Englander referee, that received one right in the face. The Capitalizt referee then bribed Larocque so that he continues to score. At the 16th minute, a Squornshelan guy scored and it was 1-0 Squornshelous. At the 25th minute, Nathan Miller got red carded for supposedly kneeing someone, while he was 25 metres away from the one he supposedly kneed. When he left, the Capitalizt referee gave him 2 trillion TIY. At the 36th minute, Tristan Cloutier scored, but the Bedistani referee called the play offside, even though no passes were done on the play. Jonathan Fairbanks was very frustrated and kicked the Pepsioli Sportsade bottle on the field. After 45 minutes, score was Squornshelous 1-0 Oliverry, despite Oliverry dominating the half with 75% of possession.

At the 50th minute, Noah Hill was red carded after the Liverpool Englander referee supposedly heard him say that some other nationalty suck. After inquiry, it happens that it was a Squornshelan player that said that. At the 63rd minute, Julien Dionne scored, but the Quakmubushian referee disallowed it again as Dionne had elbowed someone else. The review made it clear that he didn't. At the 71st minute, Squornshelous scored to put the score to 2-0. At the 75th minute, Aiden Hunt was red carded as well, as he kicked the Bedistani referee. That one was for real though, so Fairbanks only yelled at his players, as they were now 8 players. But Oliverry managed to score again, at the 81st minute. Again, the goal was disallowed, as Jérôme Larocque was offside again. This event led to the 3rd Squornshelan goal, at the 84th minute. At the end of the game, Oliverrian players were frustrated. Two of them even headbutted some referees, which had to get hospitalised because of this. Those Oliverrian players will be banned for the next year (these are Julien Dionne and Nathan Miller) and Fairbanks condemned his players' actions, as they were not very respectful. "This could put Oliverry into big troubles and I'm not proud of these players right now. They will be banned from Oliverrian squad for life... well, as long as I'm the manager. Anyway, I wish good luck to Squornshelous to win the cup." said Fairbanks.

Corcoran!

Three goals in two games carry Paladins through to first-even finals

THE LOWLAND CLANS - The flag of the States carries a thistle, rose, shamrock and fleur-de-lys. You'd never know from looking at a copy of the Paladins roster, however: it seemed that what part of the team that wasn't covered by the fleur-de-lys seemed to be drawn from the rose.

The shamrock, however, has finally begun pulling its weight in this whole "World Cup" thingummy. Billy Corcoran, all his 6'5", 190 lbs, red hair and freckles, has more or less carted the States up past those unspellables at Ariddia and upset special Krytenia, fresh from offing the Men in Mauve Shorts, scoring all three goals in these matches.

With André Darcy enmeshed in allegation, rumor and distracting side stories galore after a report in the Monastic Times that the NMS-Archregimancy match was a fix, which, if proven, would render Darcy's hat-trick as valid as a TI¥2000000000 note five minutes after it's issue, Corcoran needed to step up the pace significantly to fill the gap left by his teammate's distraction. Indeed, with Darcy only checking in from Mars every once in a while to mosey offsides or to bung a pass, Corcoran was the sole front-end offensive threat wielded by the Paladins against the Rouge-et-Noirs. He more than stepped up to the plate (if we may mix our sports metaphors for a moment) [I don't see why not - ED], opening strong off a Fabrice Labranche cross in the 7th minute to give the States an early edge. Ariddia's Dave Rider mustered a solid counterpunch in first-half injury time, sending the teams to the locker room at 1-all, with momentum firmly in Arridia's corner to boot.

Corcoran, however, was having none of it. With the Rouge-et-Noirs driving hard in the early going of the second half, Corcoran got deep downfield along the left side as Vyacheslav Kamchatski got his gloves on a dangerous loose ball in the box. A key mental mistake by the Arridian right back left Corcoran the beneficiary of a misfired offsides trap with a one-on-one on keeper Cécile Granville. As Granville charged the ball, Corcoran feinted left, juked right and curved a beauty into the net for the goal that would put the States up for keeps.

With the Paladins returned to the semifinals for the first time in eighty-four years, the team was keen to finish somewhat better than the fourth-place showing of World Cup 11. Standing in their path was the sky blue of Krytenia, redolent from their victory over heavy favorites Starblaydia and poised to make a move on their first-ever Cup. The match itself was a 0-0 draw for 94 minutes, which meant that it was a standard of football that would have lead all but the most die-hard of fans to switch over to wife-carrying races if it weren't for the fact that it was a World Cup semifinal. That said, although there was enough tension and drama in the air to be cut with a cliché, the football was horrendous on both sides.

In second-half injury time, with extra time beckoning, Corcoran finally showed a little brilliance, breaking with the general trend that had been displayed on the field to that point. Taking a chest-height pass from Petr Hunyadi, Corcoran spun around the Krytie defender and launched a veritable cruise missle into the upper-right corner of the net past a diving keeper to send the Paladins over 1-0. A final clearance by Albany Plattsburgh after a desperation deep pass by the Aces was all it took for the final whistle to sound and the Paladins to romp through to the finals. We're sure this must have rankled some people over in Krytenia; so in the interest of sportsmanship, gentlemanly conduct and internation friendship, we'd like to acknowledge that we are, in fact, a pack of right jammy bastards, but we'd rather get lucky than good.

So what awaits the Blue and Silver in the final duel for the summit? A Psychoes team poised to lay claim to their own first-ever trophy. To the best of our knowledge, the sides have, in fact, met beforehand, with Squornshelous romping home. However, the past is past, we guess, and it's now time to go play a little footie and see what develops.

Squornshelan Victory Despite Bad Officiating

The Pschychoes were very lucky to come away with a win after some absolutely horrendous calls in their semifinal match with Oliverry. Featuring officials from Liverpool England , Bedistan (whom Squornshelous just defeated in the quarterfinals), Quakmybush and The Unified Capitalizt States. While the Quakmybush linesman was fairly benign in his calls, the other three are from countries with sizeable rivalries with Squornshelous, and seemed to call the match with that in mind.

Squornshelous appeared to have scored in the fifth minute, but it was called back because the Liverpool English head referee ruled that Iannis Xenakis had made an obscene gesture just before receiving the pass that broke him loose. Replay clearly showed he was waving to Oleg Petrov to request a pass. He kept his hands down on a similar play in the 16th, and this time the goal was allowed, although Xenakis looked somewhat silly with both hands held firmly at his sides.

Throughout the first half, the Oliverrian players were continually pushing off of or pulling on the shirts of the Pschychoes; a practice that went completely ignored by the officiating staff. As a result, they were able to maintain possession 75% of the half, and Squronshelous was denied any further scoring chances. In the second half, there was a nasty play that involved Oliverrian Noah Hill throwing his voice, a talent not noted in him previously, to make it seem like Ivan Benelli had made a rascist comment. Luckily, the head official saw his lips moving and red carded him, one of very few examples of good officiating in the entire match.

After Squornshelous was able to struggle through several disallowed goals, and they finally scored in the 75th off a corner kick. A heated discussion was necessary to even get the corner, as only the Quakmybush referee made the right call, that the ball had gone out off of un des Francais. Following that goal, the Oliverrian stopped playing football, and began playing something that more closely resembled gang warfare, kicking and headbutting everything in their path. Unfortunately, only those assaults directly against referees were punished, and several potentially injuring blows to Squornshelous's forwards were completely overlooked, to the point where manager Marko Antropov was red carded for dissent.

Squornshelous scored once more late to ice the match, with a grand total of 8 Oliverrians left on the field, the scoring threat they posed was much less than the threat of bodily harm to Pschychoes, who spent much of the rest of the match running away from their attackers, with the ball often totally ignored, while three of the officials gathered at midfield for a chat and cup of tea, while the Quakmybush linesman franticly waved his flag. As the match ended, two of the chatting officials were headbutted by Oliverrians and had to be hospitalized.

Altogether, a narrow escape for the Pschychoes, who were nearly done in by bad calls, and were amazingly lucky to have none of their players injured in blatantly violent "play" by Les Francais.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-0 Oliverry

RP Cutoff for the Finals and 3PPO of World Cup xXxI in Vilita and The Lowland Clans

The Lowland Clans Region -- Vilita Region (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11977456&postcount=31)

William looked at page D12 of his copy of the Sunday morning Hudson Chronicle:

Monday's Scores

High School Baseball
Ludlow 7, Olson 4
Wilson Corner 9, North Augusta 2
Bosque 3, Peralta 4 (10 innings)
East Thetford 12, West Thetford 8
Brantley 0, Odessa 6

Gridiron
Graceville 12, Griffin 15
Hampton 23, Sokojiwa Dosi 6

High School Football
Ludlow 1-0 Odessa
North Augusta 3-1 East Thetford
Olson 1-1 Brantley
Wilson Corner 0-5 Peralta
West Thetford 3-2 Bosque

World Cup
3rd Place Playoff: Krytenia 0-5 Oliverry
Final: New Montreal States 1-3 Squornshelous


"Oh, so Squornshelous won," William said, apparently having just found this out six days after the fact.

"Was the game even televised?" asked his brother, Kyle.

"I think it was on BSTV3 or something. But yeah, apparently nobody cared, even outside Bedistan."

"How'd they get away with relegating a World Cup final to the third channel?"

"You really think anyone in Bedistan wants to see NMS or Squorn win something?"

"Good point."

William folded up the newspaper and walked to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee.

Hilforshire Small City Newspaper With a Really Long After Name That We Will Eventually Get To, So Don't Worry As It Is Coming...Now! Times-Plain-Dealer-Gazette-Thingy-Post-Tribune-Sun-Daily-Mail-Picayune- Herald-Pink-Floyd-Haaretz-International-Domestic-Newspaper-Doom!-!-National- Enquirer-Spelled-Wrong-Right?

Sports Section

Milchama to Quarters

After humiliating Commerce Heights (SLANI) in a brilliant maneuvered 4-0 victory the Milchama Warriors finally lost, this time to bloody Jonathan Fairbanks and Oliverry 2-1. Bloody Idiots.

Final Score from the game we won:
Milchama 4 (Albentine 21, 44, 67, Flitty 82)
Commerce Heights (SLANI) 0 (Shutout bitches!)

Milchama City Advance-Advertiser-Advocate -Beacon-Bee-Bulletin -Chronicle-Citizen-Clarion-Colonna-Commoner-Courier -Daily-Democrat-Dispatch -Eagle-Enterprise-Enquirer-Examiner -Free-Press-Frontier -Gazette-Gleam-Gleaner-Graphic-Guardian -Harbinger-Herald -Independent-Informer-Inquirer-Inquisitor -Journal-Ledger-Life -Messenger-Mirror-Monitor-News -Observer-Outlook -Pioneer-Plain Talk or Plain Dealer-Planet-Post-Press -Voice-Weekly-World -Record-Recorder-Register-Report-Reporter-Republic-Republican-Review -Sentinel-Standard-Star-Sun -Telegram-Telegraph-Times-Tribune

Sports Section

Fairbanks again beats us

Wow were we dumb. Sure Jamie Smith had led us to more successes than any other coach in Milchamian history but in head to head matchups FORMER Milchama coach Jonathan Fairbanks with Oliverry as he has beat them twice in their last 3 meetings. Including most recently in the World Cup Quarterfinals, the most important meeting between the two squads. Jamie Smith said, "First coaches don't win games, players win games but even if you don't buy that, Fairbanks got kicked out of this game early so I didn't lose to him. He's a bumbling fool, not smart at all."

Final Score from the failure:
Milchama 1 (Joseph 84)
Oliverry 2 (Larocque 46, 60)

Damnit. Next time to the semis!