NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/vilc31.gif

Vilita and The Lowland Clans would like to welcome all of you to the 31st edition of the NationStates World Cup. As a proud veteran myself, it is truly an honour to finally be able to host one myself. I will endeavor my best to make this an enjoyable cup for all to participate in, and I hope all you participants will as well. To get a couple of scheduling things out of the way, the WCxXxI draw will be held upong the conclusion of the Baptism of Fire and the releasing of new rankings including their performance. Matchday 1 will follow TWO DAYS later, allowing plenty of time for people to write up about the opposition, then each matchday will follow approx. 24 hours after the last.

If anyone has any questions, just telegram me or Vilita through Nationstates.

God bless and enjoy your World Cup experience!

- The Lowland Clans

Also, a few vital threads to point out:
:: The World Cup Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066)
:: [ViLC] :: World Cup xXxI :: Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=502414) :: Go post your rosters, they will be linked to your teams in the draw
:: [ViLC] :: World Cup xXxI :: Scores Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=503620) :: The Scores are here. Nothing else is needed!

And One more note before I go, All RPs made pre-draw WILL count towards your total for MD1. All your RPs will be linked to the first page as the cup goes on, allowing other to easily keep track of what your write, rather than having to dig through mountains of text.

Group 1:
[051] - Raging Penguins :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11785854&postcount=14) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11785946&postcount=13) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825005&postcount=110)
[084] - Spindomia
[020] - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
[001] - Starblaydia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786946&postcount=18) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823035&postcount=86) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825353&postcount=115) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829889&postcount=158)
[131] - Eseck :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825861&postcount=53) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826649&postcount=125) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830999&postcount=168) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841035&postcount=245) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841128&postcount=246)
[045] - Qazox :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781591&postcount=7) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781602&postcount=8) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815294&postcount=51) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824338&postcount=95) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11827191&postcount=130) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828920&postcount=146) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833373&postcount=185) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839699&postcount=236) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842996&postcount=263)
[029] - Quakmybush :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11785565&postcount=13) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11804171&postcount=33) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11818596&postcount=62) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11822959&postcount=85) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826923&postcount=129) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11831786&postcount=171) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836453&postcount=206) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842673&postcount=259)
[N/A] - Assegai Developments :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819109&postcount=45) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820291&postcount=67) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824482&postcount=103) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836519&postcount=207)
[063] - Rordia
[090] - Nikea

Group 2:
[033] - Bazalonia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11780828&postcount=5) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781596&postcount=7) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786111&postcount=14) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11790829&postcount=20) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11797126&postcount=29) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821042&postcount=74) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825105&postcount=112) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829289&postcount=149) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833811&postcount=195) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839019&postcount=232)
[002] - Bedistan :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819830&postcount=47) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11818110&postcount=61) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821206&postcount=78) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828271&postcount=134)
[189] - Reanimated States
[053] - United Island Empires
[204] - Brownwick
[085] - Errinundera :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782283&postcount=10) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11787309&postcount=17) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11810852&postcount=37) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813134&postcount=39) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816237&postcount=57) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829904&postcount=159) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837408&postcount=215) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842376&postcount=257)
[068] - Risa-Aramour
[114] - Backwardistan :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11792684&postcount=26) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823815&postcount=88) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825365&postcount=116) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829624&postcount=152)
[019] - Nedalia
[044] - Anathematic Republics

Group 3:
[040] - Tynelia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782336&postcount=11) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816312&postcount=58) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820945&postcount=72) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825211&postcount=113) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829632&postcount=153) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11835402&postcount=202) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839020&postcount=233)
[055] - Green Wombat :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786488&postcount=15) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824445&postcount=99) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824472&postcount=102) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828982&postcount=147) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833426&postcount=187) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839746&postcount=237)
[009] - Rejistania :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815884&postcount=41) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11784609&postcount=12) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11791626&postcount=22) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11797084&postcount=28) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815803&postcount=55) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11827386&postcount=131) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832196&postcount=173) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837301&postcount=214) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841842&postcount=253)
[062] - Nebuleux :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11792319&postcount=24) ::
[092] - Sel Appa :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838124&postcount=57) :: MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838132&postcount=220)
[035] - Dance 2 Revolution
[016] - Schiavonia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11792413&postcount=25) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11780606&postcount=4) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782230&postcount=10) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11792270&postcount=23) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11796929&postcount=26) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11796973&postcount=27) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816160&postcount=56) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825456&postcount=118) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829736&postcount=156) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834695&postcount=200) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841271&postcount=247)
[073] - Az-cz :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786571&postcount=17) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781463&postcount=5) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786982&postcount=16) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11787881&postcount=19) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11797173&postcount=30) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816463&postcount=60) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820693&postcount=68) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821093&postcount=75) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821131&postcount=76) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824801&postcount=106) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824834&postcount=108) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829446&postcount=150) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829486&postcount=151) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833313&postcount=184) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833414&postcount=186) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838998&postcount=230) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839015&postcount=231)
[159] - Algal States
[N/A] - Pablicosta

Group 4:
[021] - Commerce Heights :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823973&postcount=52) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828329&postcount=136) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832801&postcount=176) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11840981&postcount=243)
[005] - Krytenia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11809824&postcount=37) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11805611&postcount=34) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821351&postcount=79) PRE[/color] (] - Sativaville :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786494&postcount=16) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824428&postcount=96) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828881&postcount=144) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833485&postcount=188)
[122] - Divensi :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11795291&postcount=27) ::
[192] - Ikeea
[026] - Cataduanes
[047] - Dorian and Sonya
[083] - Demot :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11799937&postcount=32) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814723&postcount=49) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823985&postcount=89) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826879&postcount=128) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833035&postcount=180) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837272&postcount=213) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841003&postcount=244)
[N/A] - Dj8989
[064] - Elves Security Forces :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11779148&postcount=2) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11793601&postcount=24) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814371&postcount=46) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820876&postcount=71) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826479&postcount=122) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829855&postcount=157) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836246&postcount=205) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11840856&postcount=242)

Group 5:
[041] - Vuam and Isma
[034] - Northern Caesarea
[058] - Harlesburg
[101] - Anastasiania :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781824&postcount=8) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821022&postcount=73) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826782&postcount=127) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11831720&postcount=170) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841308&postcount=248)
[131] - Okielahoma :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782344&postcount=12) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814455&postcount=48) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825013&postcount=111) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841462&postcount=249)
[004] - Casari :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11805990&postcount=35) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815339&postcount=52) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819768&postcount=66) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824174&postcount=92) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828671&postcount=140) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11831917&postcount=172) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833751&postcount=194) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836980&postcount=211) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837804&postcount=217) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842069&postcount=254)
[017] - The Islands of Qutar :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823950&postcount=51) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824130&postcount=90) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828532&postcount=138) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838224&postcount=222) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842897&postcount=261)
[072] - The Mice of Miceland :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11791765&postcount=23) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814398&postcount=47)
[069] - System Karela :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11817272&postcount=44) ::
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Group 6:
[030] - Becquerelia
[066] - One Red Dot
[007] - Tadjikistan
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11779249&postcount=3) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813960&postcount=43) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819439&postcount=63) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825893&postcount=120) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830632&postcount=164) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11835603&postcount=204) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842390&postcount=258)
[011] - New Montreal States :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11798933&postcount=30) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815531&postcount=53) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824444&postcount=98) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830655&postcount=165) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833575&postcount=190) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11840462&postcount=241)
[076] - Aurendia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815102&postcount=40) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815113&postcount=50) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833522&postcount=189) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833680&postcount=192) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838755&postcount=226)
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823973&postcount=52) :: MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837719&postcount=216)
[042] - Haraki
[048] - Cuation :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11787131&postcount=19) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11803764&postcount=32) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821352&postcount=80) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821792&postcount=82) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826546&postcount=123) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830988&postcount=167) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839756&postcount=238)
[N/A] - Adamica

Group 7:
[010] - Ariddia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11779341&postcount=4) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11779701&postcount=3) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11807136&postcount=35) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814316&postcount=45) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825448&postcount=117) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829976&postcount=160) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834754&postcount=201) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838929&postcount=229)
[024] - Chicanada :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11835372&postcount=56) ::
[049] - Geisenfried :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813287&postcount=39) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824143&postcount=91) PRE (] - Kericia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11805507&postcount=34) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828613&postcount=139)
[012] - Jeruselem :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782278&postcount=9) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781560&postcount=6) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11815680&postcount=54) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820818&postcount=70) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824993&postcount=109) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829733&postcount=155) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834398&postcount=199) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838589&postcount=224) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842789&postcount=260)
[204] - Cyredel
[N/A] - Tryanny :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819274&postcount=46) ::
[112] - Montegrande
[079] - The Macabees
[043] - Magnus Valerius

Group 8:
[210] - Socialist Romanistan :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820777&postcount=48) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820748&postcount=69) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834383&postcount=198)
[036] - Yafor 2
[059] - Marceau State
[052] - Lisburn Mateys :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11811095&postcount=38) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813332&postcount=40) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826713&postcount=126) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836890&postcount=210)
[003] - Liverpool England :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11796905&postcount=29) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11786663&postcount=15) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824722&postcount=105) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830219&postcount=163) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838207&postcount=221)
[077] - Alasdair I Frosticus :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11796743&postcount=28) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11801099&postcount=31) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819760&postcount=65) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824436&postcount=97) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828907&postcount=145) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833307&postcount=183) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838863&postcount=228)
[018] - Bettia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816049&postcount=42) :: MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834310&postcount=197)
[103] - Delesa
[N/A] - Candy Rocks
[025] - Milchama :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11799670&postcount=31) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11814136&postcount=44) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828239&postcount=133) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832382&postcount=175)

Group 9:
[050] - Rorysville :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781146&postcount=6) :: MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11830867&postcount=166) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11834035&postcount=196)
[204] - Lord of Hosts
[038] - Wentland :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11808299&postcount=36) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11808306&postcount=36) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813332&postcount=40) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11822876&postcount=84) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824522&postcount=104) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11827414&postcount=132) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829258&postcount=148) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836728&postcount=208) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839186&postcount=235)
[060] - Iansisle
[111] - Tocapa
[006] - Squornshelous :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832842&postcount=55) :: MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832867&postcount=179) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11841745&postcount=252)
[028] - Spaam :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11789231&postcount=21) :: MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826042&postcount=121) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11826609&postcount=124) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832861&postcount=178) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833036&postcount=181) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833633&postcount=191) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11836795&postcount=209) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11837028&postcount=212) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842925&postcount=262)
[022] - The Archregimancy :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11791480&postcount=22) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11781682&postcount=9) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11791456&postcount=21) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11796296&postcount=25) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11819709&postcount=64) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11823518&postcount=87) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828389&postcount=137) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832380&postcount=174) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833746&postcount=193) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838792&postcount=227) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842151&postcount=256)
[159] - Funnia Lan
[082] - Tessan :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11820903&postcount=49) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782319&postcount=11) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825246&postcount=114) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829683&postcount=154) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11835446&postcount=203) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839061&postcount=234)

Group 10:
[080] - Lexington SC
[046] - Spaamanian Plijous
[008] - Fmjphoenix
[N/A] - Lovisa
[032] - Spruitland :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821025&postcount=50) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821547&postcount=81) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828276&postcount=135)
[056] - Turori :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828693&postcount=141) MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832859&postcount=177) MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838009&postcount=219) MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11842118&postcount=255)
[087] - Ropa-Topia :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11789000&postcount=20) :: :: PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11813730&postcount=42) PRE (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821142&postcount=77) PRE (][color=darkblue) MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824826&postcount=107)
[113] - Marion Oaks 2
[179] - Bushes Been Quaked :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11827088&postcount=54) ::
[014] - Oliverry[size=1] :: Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11802157&postcount=33) :: MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11838719&postcount=225)

MD01 1 v 6, 9 v 2, 3 v 7, 8 v 4, 10 v 5
MD02 1 v 8, 2 v 5, 4 v 3, 6 v 9, 7 v 10
MD03 1 v 9, 7 v 2, 3 v 8, 4 v 10, 6 v 5
MD04 1 v 5, 4 v 2, 3 v 10, 6 v 7, 9 v 8
MD05 7 v 1, 2 v 3, 6 v 4, 5 v 9, 8 v 10
MD06 1 v 4, 10 v 2, 3 v 6, 5 v 8, 9 v 7
MD07 3 v 1, 2 v 8, 9 v 4, 5 v 7, 10 v 6
MD08 10 v 1, 2 v 6, 9 v 3, 5 v 4, 7 v 8
MD09 1 v 2, 3 v 5, 4 v 7, 8 v 6, 9 v 10
MD10 6 v 1, 2 v 9, 7 v 3, 4 v 8, 5 v 10
MD11 8 v 1, 5 v 2, 3 v 4, 9 v 6, 10 v 7
MD12 9 v 1, 2 v 7, 8 v 3, 10 v 4, 5 v 6
MD13 5 v 1, 2 v 4, 10 v 3, 7 v 6, 8 v 9
MD14 1 v 7, 3 v 2, 4 v 6, 9 v 5, 10 v 8
MD15 4 v 1, 2 v 10, 6 v 3, 8 v 5, 7 v 9
MD16 1 v 3, 8 v 2, 4 v 9, 7 v 5, 6 v 10
MD17 1 v 10, 6 v 2, 3 v 9, 4 v 5, 8 v 7
MD18 2 v 1, 5 v 3, 7 v 4, 6 v 8, 10 v 9

From the desk of: Santo Kecker
President, World Cup 31 ViLC Organizing Committee



Esteemed Nation,

The World Cup is the greatest sporting institution in the NationStates community. Thank You for committing to this great event and we would like to wish you the best of luck throughout the tournament. The 31st edition of the NationStates World Cup will have two separate stages. The first stage will be the qualifying round where nations will be divided into groups dependant on their current KPB Ranking. During the qualifying stage, your nation will play each of the opposition nations in your group twice. One match will be held at a venue of your choosing and the other match will be held at a venue of your opponents choosing. Typically you will choose a venue for your matches that exists within the borders of your nation. The Nation(s) that finish the qualifying stage with the best record within their own groups will be invited as one of the 32 nations who will compete in the second stage of the competition, the World Cup Finals. During the finals, 16 nations will compete in four groups of four in Vilita, and the other 16 nations will compete in similar groups in The Lowland Clans. Nations will compete in one match against each opposition for a total of three matches. The top 2 nations in each group will advance to the knockout stage, the bottom two nations will be eliminated from the competition. The last team remaining will be crowned as the champion of the NationStates World Cup.

Thank you again,
Santo Kecker


P.S.: Please return the attached poll regarding the format for the Qualifying Stage.
(http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=502203)
.

ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium, Ahwa’u Island, PDSRA

The weather was pleasantly warm but perhaps a little too moist, as spectators settled in the smallish but clean and modern new stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium), for its inaugural international match. Drinks, vegetarian snack food and little flags were being handed around freely. Colourful balloons were tied to the ramps and people’s wrists, some of them floating up into the clear afternoon sky. The atmosphere in the stadium was warm and cheerful.

Several members of the Ariddian government were in attendance, not least because the acting coach and former captain of the Errinundrian team, keok (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Keok), had just been appointed ambassador to the country. Acting head of State Nuriyah Khadhim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Nuriyah_bint_Rashad_Khadhim) sat next to the Ariddian Secretary for External Affairs, Louis Jacobson.

The crowd were here not only to welcome the Errinundrian players – always vety popular in Ariddia – but also to see Ariddia’s World Cup 30 squad play together for the very last time. After today, al Maharmeh, Ja, Song, Eosh, Dru, Finnan and Smith would all be retiring from international football, leaving the way open for a whole new generation.

The spectators cheered as the flags were brought out, followed by the players themselves. The succession of events had been carefully planned. First, the Ariddian captain, Hanifah Kyaw ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw), made a short speech in which she welcomed the Errinundrians, underlined the friendship and common beliefs of the two countries’ peoples, re-iterated Ariddia’s condoleances for the Frosty Hollow Tragedy ( http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11619983&postcount=517), and wished all Errinundrian players and spectators a pleasant stay in Ariddia. Her speech had perhaps been memorised, but it sounded spontaneous enough to have a ring of warmth and sincerity, and the crowd applauded.

Next, a minute of silence was observed in commemoration of the disaster. The Ariddian Football Assocation had long debated whether or not to include this minute of mourning, then had decided in favour. “We’re here to welcome our friends, but we’re also here to remember,” AFA President Anna Teals ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Anna_Teals) had explained a few days earlier. “This is a celebration of life, of sport, of friendship, of the many things that unite us, but we won’t forgot those who died in Frosty Hollow. This stadium is named in honour of a good and very talented person ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim), and she shall always be remembered.”

After that, however, it was time for the fun to begin. The Rouge-et-Noirs did what the audience had been waiting for, and lined up in a slightly curved line facing the Errinundrian players. The crowd fell quiet, waiting excitedly, and the Ariddians leaned forward almost onto their tip-toes, keeping their balance only through careful practice, facing their opponents menacingly in the ancient Indigenous tradition. Then, in the almost quiet stadium, they began to chant, leaping up and swinging their arms, their gestures wild yet perfectly orchestrated, their eleven voices bursting out powerfully.

“Llseh! Llseh!
Swehashi llosh e lueal o!
Wo’el yeual o!”

Their moves became more frantic, more fierce, as they leapt up without yet surging forward, as though harnessing a build-up of warlike energy, releasing some of it through song.

“Al llseh! Al llseh!
Wul ellul sel ei! Wul!
Silew wa oleh!”

Their voices rose to a crescendo. The eleven men and women, clad in the national red and black, knelt down partway, muscles taut. . .

“Sah wa weheshisi!
Sah wa weheshisi!”

Finally, they rushed forward at their opponents, as though to slam into them and overwhelm them, but broke off their stride at the last possible moment, veering off and returning to their own side of the field. The Errinundrians had faced the ulek ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek ) stoically, unflinchingly, which was exactly what the spectators had wanted to see. The crowd cheered wildly.

The match could begin.

Schiavonia's team manager Rodney Lowe was just getting ready to watch the game between Divensi and Funnia Lan at the Baptism of Fire when his phone rang. He got it out of his pocket and looked at the name of the caller - Harvey Alfredo. What did he want right now? It must be, like... god knows what hour back home.

"Harvey?

"Rodney! Are you ready for World Cup 31?"

"What, right now?"

"Of course. We've received the introductory type letter. Shall I read it back to you?"

"But I'm..."

"Esteemed Nation..."

"We're esteemed now, are we?"

"They're just being polite."

"Well why didn't they just address it to you? Or to me? Or even just to Schiavonia?"

"Rodney, speaking from experience, it really isn't worth the money and time to do that kind of thing for every nation involved."

"Of course it is. You did for the last cup, didn't you?"

"Of course not! What kind of fool do you take me for? Anyway, it goes on to say thanks for signing up, good luck and what the World Cup is, which, considering that this our sixth one, I don't really need to read back to you."

"So you've rung me up to tell me that you've got a letter that doesn't have any relevance to me whatsoever?"

"No, I've rung you up to make sure you're getting the team ready. Where on earth are you, anyway?"

"Georgetown, Bazalonia."

"Why?"

"Scouting."

"Who?"

"Right now, Divensi and Funnia Lan."

"Who are they?"

"They're new teams. At the Baptism of Fire."

"Are they any good?"

"I've seen worse."

"So no, then."

"They're OK. Shouldn't be too much trouble for the likes of us as long as we prepare in the right way. And that's why I'm here."

"So you're on the case, then?"

"Yup."

"And the squad are ready?"

"Harvey, they haven't even got as far as the draw yet. We've got plenty of time for that when I get home."

"OK. As long as you know what you're doing."

"Of course I do! I've been National Team Manager for twenty years!"

"Well, you can never be too sure."

"Can I go now? The match is about to start!"

"Sorry. See you when you get home. When will that be?"

"After the final here."

"And this is all on SFF money?"

"Of course it is! I'm not just here on holiday, you know? I'm working!"

"Good good. Well, see you soon!"

- - - - -

Chris Howard was getting ready for school, just as he did most mornings. He had to get up especially early, as he lived in Amsham, a town in the northern suburbs of Kingsbury, while his private school was right in the centre of the city. It was a long day for him on a Wednesday, too. The school football team played after the bell for the end of lessons, and as their goalkeeper, it was important that he didn't tire himself out during the day.

But it was still early. And he was eating breakfast. But then something was about to surprise him.

"Chris, mail!"

It was his mother.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. And the postmark doesn't look like a Schiavone one."

"Oh."

"Alikki-Cora... that's Vilita, isn't it?"

"Er... yes mother."

"You going to open it, then?"

"Later on."

"Ah, go on, do it now! It's not every day you get a letter from Vilita."

"No, I'll do it later!"

"Ah go on!"

"No!"

"Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!"

"Mother, I have to get ready for school!"

"OK then. Well tell me later then."

"Alright then. Can I get ready now?"

"Of course."

And with that, she left Chris to get ready.

Standing on a podium are two men: Noz-Tf, President of the Az-cz football federation and Caine Hawdon, former Bazalonian national team manager.

Noz-Tf: I'm proud to announce the new coaches for the 31st World Cup. First I'd like to thank coach Levesque for the work he put in it the last world cup. As for the new coach we had a lot of qualified applicants, but in the end we decided to go with two coaches. One is standing here with me today, Caine Hawdon of Bazalonia. He is a very talented coach with plenty of experience. He lead Bazalonia in their first two world cups and played an important part in pushing them to the lofty heights they currently reside in. And the other coach is one even more familiar to the public. The other coach for the team will be Khim Azanulbizarn. He is a former world cup winning manager and the manager of the reigning runner up. His knowledge of football as great as anybody's in the game and will be a huge help for the developing Az-cz squad. We are excited to have two great football minds on board for this upcoming world cup. Mr. Hawdon will be the head coach and Mr. Azanulbizarn will be special advisor to the team, but both will be on the field for all games, as well as a regular compliment of assistants.

Caine Hawdon: I'm very excited to becoming aboard as head coach. Az-cz has shown that they are an up and coming team with plenty of talent to work with. This is an exciting chance to work with a legend, learn from him and develop a young team. We've both accepted our roles and are looking forward to the upcoming tournament.

Noz-Tf: Now we'd like to open the press conference to questions.

Az-cz reporter 1: Noz-Tf, you've decided to go with foregin coaches for this tournament. Did you consider going with an Az-czzer?

Noz-Tf: Of course we considered it, but when it became apparent that we could get Khim Azanulbizarn on board that quickly became the direction we were most interested in going.

Az-cz reporter 2: Is there a reason that Mr. Azanulbizarn isn't here for today's press conference.

Noz-Tf: Yes there is. Part of his contract was that he wouldn't have to do any press conferences, media relations, or publicity.

Nev Gould (Bazalonian Reporter): Mr. Hawdon, how did your brother resigning as prime minister affect your decision?

Hawdon: It didn't. I made the decision to come to Az-cz before the news about Menszae's death and my brothers decision came. I reconsidered after the news and talked to my brother about it, but in the end this was the best thing for me.

Frank Dee (Bazalonian Reporter): It's hard to imagine two coaches of your profiles coexisting, but considering the war that has broken out in Atlantian Oceania, how will you two get along?

Hawdon: Fine. The two egos is no problem. We have different roles and we both know what we're here to do. As for the war in Atlantian Oceania, we aren't involved in that. We've talked about it, but I don't expect it will be a problem. We're in a neutral country that has very friendly relations with both countries, so it ought to be a safe space from the war.

Az-cz reporter 3: You played a 4-3-3 in Bazalonia, Khim Azanulbizarn played a 4-4-2 with Starblaydia and Az-cz is used to a 3-5-2 formation. What do you envision the formation will be for the team?

Hawdon: We're still working on the formation. Because we're trying to build around Pizelkaxrovsky there's a lot of reason to think about playing five midfielders, but we both like a four man defense. We're still thinking about those technical details.

Az-cz reporter 4: Have you chosen the squad yet?

Hawdon: Mostly. We're bringing back most of the squad from the previous world cup but we're still trying to nail down a few spots.

Az-cz reporter 5: What goals have you set for qualifying?

Hawdon: Well ideally the goal is to qualify. It's not an impossible dream, but we know that it's going to be a tough path. So the other goal is to continue to move up the rankings.

Joseph Trent (Bazalonian Reporter): Compare your experience with Bazalonia in the early stages of their development to this Az-cz team.

Hawdon: Well the Bazalonians didn't come flying out the gate like the Gnomes did. This team won their Baptism of Fire. They're a good side, and developing quickly. I'd say their slightly ahead of Bazalonia at similar stages of their development.

Noz-Tf: I'd like to thank you all for coming out today. Good luck to the coaches as they drives us towards the World Cup.

Dazza: Hi, this is Dazza Dallas for JGN at world Cup XXXI or 31. With me is the new CO-HOST of THE FOOTBALL LIFE, Ricky Pointy Stick.
Ricky: Hi everyone.
Dazza: Wait you might ask, he's a cyclist so what's happened to Rachel Kool. She's on the job still guys. Ah, but she's going to one-on-one interviews with many people so she'll be on JGN with special reports.
Ricky: It's good to be here although I know nothing about soccer really.

Dazza: What do you know about soccer, Ricky?
Ricky: About nothing really - I'm learning on the go. I'm sure I'm going learn something from a pro like you Dazza, being a World Cup and Women's World Cup veteran.
Dazza: I'm also a member of current team too.
Ricky: Don't worry, I'm going make an effort to learn it all.

Dazza: Eh, so why you and not say an ex-player?
Ricky: Well, I'm good looking and attract women. I guess that's what I'm here. I think the JGN folks were impressed by my antics on the Tour De Qazox.
Dazza: Well, you're a lucky guy - working with Rachel Kool and now me, and you've got a hot wife too.
Ricky: Oh yeah, don't know how I get to these things. How's your partner.

Dazza: He's now back in the team to keep me out of trouble. Well, he tried anyway.
Ricky: Not married yet?
Dazza: He hasn't asked yet. I think he's scared of having kids, hehe!
Ricky: Well, he might ask during the world Cup.

Dazza: I hope so. You're not a local Jeruselemite are you?
Ricky: No. I'm Nedalian really! So that's maybe why I attract girls?
Dazza: Well, explains a lot. You enjoyed covering the joint Nedalian and Jeruselem training camp in Southern Nedalia.
Ricky: Well, I've got two homes and that's good. Didn't you try to chat me up first time?

Dazza: Err, yeah. You didn't complain did ya?
Ricky: No, I'd didn't. Looks like JGN thought you and me would make a great pair I guess.
Dazza: It's all decided now. Me and cyclist to cover the world cup. It's going be really interesting to have a perspective from non-soccer person.
Ricky: Maybe another reason why I'm here, to make JGN less biased.

Dazza: I don't hide my bias - I say things as I think they are.
Ricky: I'm more diplomatic I guess.
Dazza: I get all emotional too and act like an idiot.
Ricky: I'm a Cool Cat. Hmm, this is going to be interesting.

Dazza: I think this is going to work. Hey, got any goss of value?
Ricky: well, apart from getting my wife Rachel pregnant again - no.
Dazza: I'd better not get to frisky with you then eh?
Ricky: Good idea. I want accidents happening.

Dazza: Well, this is the first THE FOOTBALL LIFE with me and Ricky.
Ricky: See you all when action happens and I hope I know what is happening. I guess Dazza will try to explain it to me.
Dazza: Sweet dreams.

<Camera turns off>

Ricky: Hey what's this?
Dazza: The Dazza Dallas DVD, every guy needs one.
Ricky: Looks naughty. This isn't the normal edition is it?
Dazza: Nope, you'd like it then. Oi, time for lunch!
Ricky: Good idea.

"Bazalope against Bazalope" by Nev Gould

Yes, I'm back. After a break from the Sports reporting. It was time for me to return to my love,Reporting about sports. Recently I have been in Az-Cz doing some reports for the Kleptochase Tour going on there and while there I was sent an invitation to a press conference by the Az-Cz Football Federation.

I wasn't sure what it was about and I soon learned that Caine Hawdon, relation of ex-Prime Minister Stephen Hawdon and ex-Manager of the Bazalopes, had signed up to be a managed as well as an ex-Starblaydi manager, Khim Azanulbizarn are now Az-Cz's new managers.

Az-Cz, was sitting at 71 after their first World Cup an impressive feat. And managed to qualify for the second round of the Cup of Harmony in their first appearance. Az-Cz team certainly had showed extreme promise and it seems that it will be only a few more world cups until the gnomes or pink and greens will make their first impression into the world cup proper.

In my experience with these coaches there is no limit that could be acheived by the team, and from what I understand of the arrangement of the 2 coaches that the duties of each are clearly delineated and both do what they are best at. So even so the quite frosty relationship between the Starblaydi's and the Bazalonians at current the relationship between the 2 managers seem to mesh quite well.

So that's the news about the Az-Cz team that is of interest, but I have it on good information from within the BFSA itself that Az-Cz will play a friendly with the Bazalopes before the World cup. This is seen as a chance for both teams to get some needed exercise before the world cup qualifiers. With the recent "Baz-Cz" team in the Tour-De-Qazox and the various happenings in the AO u21. Relations on a sporting front could not be more friendly between the 2 nations and this is just another example of such relationships working to te benefit of all those involved.

Fromburg Times

So once again Qazox will try to qualify for the World Cup. The team is filled with new players, but some older ones as well. only time will tell if this mish-mash of youthful exuberance and aged wisdom will put the Black Oxen into the Cup for the first time.

The full schedule has not yet been released, so no predictions yet, but Qazox is favored to be the last-team-out once again, with some betting places giving 1-15 odds that Qazox will not Qualify.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

SQUAD PREPARES FOR WORLD CUP
NATIONAL INDIFFERENCE THREATENS CAMPAIGN

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The footballing Orthodox monks of the Archregimancy were gearing up last night for the nation's eighth consecutive World Cup qualifying campaign, but were rumoured to be fighting increasing indifference - if not outright hostility - amongst some senior hierarchs of the Holy Synod.

"Is this really the sort of behaviour we expect from our monks?" said a senior archimandrite said to be close to Metropolitan Mark of Xenophon, but speaking on condition of anonymity. "What happened to a life of prayerful contemplation? Of seeking a state of hesychasm or theosis? Of devoting the monastic life to the glory of our Lord and Saviour? What's football anyway? Is it mentioned in Holy Tradition? Is it spoken of in scripture?"

As a possible sign of this indifference, the MFA were said to still be looking for their squad sheet, said to have been burned as irreligious firestarting paper at the Holy Monastery of Xenophon last week.

The MFA are also said to welcome contributions from other nations in justifying their continued participation in World Cups to the sceptical hierarchs, and are said to even be willing to consider contributions from non-Orthodox nations so long as said contributions are compatible with the spirit of the Orthodox monastic life.

A prize of an ornately bound and be-jewelled hagiography of all the Orthodox Fools for Christ is to be offered to the nation contributing the best justification.

"Is that the Schiavone Football Federation?"

"Yes."

"Could I speak to Harvey Alfredo, please?"

"Who is this?"

"My name is Chris Howard, I just need to ask him some things about the World Cup."

"You sound a bit young. How old are you, exactly?"

"Sixteen."

"And why do you want to talk to Mr. Alfredo?"

"It's... part of my coursework for school."

"Which is?"

"It's about how big organisations are run. I'm the goalkeeper of my school football team, so I thought it might be good for me to do the SFF. Finding out about how the sport is administered, even how to organise such events as a qualifying game or even as big as World Cup 30."

"You do realise that Mr. Alfredo is a very busy man. Could one of the lesser executives here at the SFF be of any help to you?"

"Not really... I don't think they'd be of as much use to me."

"Well, I'll see what we can come up with."

"Shall I leave my num..."

And the receptionist hung up.

"Damn."

"What was that all about?"

Chris's friend Dom Bellamy was sat opposite him as they ate the contents of their lunchboxes. Or more, Dom did. Chris didn't seem interested, as if there was something on his mind.

"I didn't know you were doing a project about the SFF."

"I'm not."

"So what was all that about?"

"Nothing really."

"Is it something to do with why you don't seem yourself today?"

"Do I not?"

"You seem as if you've got something on your mind. But why would you be phoning the football federation?"

"Look," Chris leaned in towards his young colleague, grabbing his full attention, "You're not to mention a word of this to anyone, OK?"

"OK."

"I got a letter this morning. It came from Vilita. Look."

He showed Dom the letter.

"Oh my sweet Lord!"

"What am I going to do?"

"Well, you're going to need a hell of a lot of help. Where the hell is this... this Socialist Romanistan place?"

"I'll show you later."

"And they're in World Cup 31?"

"Somehow, yes."

"Blimey. So what are you going to do then?"

"I thought I'd better try and find someone with experience in this sort of thing. That's why I rang Harvey Alfredo. I don't know anyone else who could be of much help."

"Have you tried any other national federations?"

"This kind of thing has to be done on a one-on-one basis. What am I going to do, get on the next boat to Rejistania? It's not going to happen."

"Point taken."

"So can't you just send the letter back, tell them that they've got the wrong address or something?"

"It's a bit late for that now. No, we're stuck with this situation, and we're just going to have to find someone else to help us out with it."

Is This the Year?

As the 31st World Cup is about to begin people have wondered if perhaps in its fourth try the Tynelian national squad will actually make it to the World Cup proper for the first time. Coming off a best ever quarterfinals showing in the Cup of Harmony, Coach Adam Billington, a player himself back in WC 27, has high hopes this time around.

"Well I think we're in good shape now. We moved up a bit after the last Cup despite having to deal with Starblaydia and Bettia in a top heavy group. We should move up a bit more once the new rankings come out. I'm hoping for a top 40 the end its not the rank that decides who wins, its the players on the field. And we have another good crop of players with youth and experience to get us through. Rumor has it the top three teams might move on this time so that should help our chances some too. I think we can do it."

Billington's mix includes the team captain and senior member of the team, Tynelia's all time scoring leader Jay Masterson with 22 goals in World Cup play. At 38 many feel this willl be his last attempt but he insists he still has one more Cup in his legs if need be. Veterans Anya Collins and Alan MacDougal both return as well giving Tynelia experience at the forawrd spot but some question how all these 30 somethings' legs will hold up through a full torunament.

Midfield is held down by Donna Kent, Tynelian's all time goal differential leader playing in her final cup. She'll be flanked by a pair of first time World Cup starters though Randy Willis did see spot duty in the last Cup.

The big changes this time around are in the defense. Only Tal Li, in his final Cup remains of the "Team Surpeme" Stossels-Li-Jacobs defensive line which served Tynelia so well in its first three Cups. However he does have a Stossels at his side, but instead of long time Tynelian hall of Famer John Stossels at his side its his daughter Jane Stossels who will be getting the start after getting a few starts last Cup. It will be interesting to see how the new line holds up.

The most important change comes at net. First Vladimar "the Wall" Malloy retired after WC 29, and now "Amazing" Amy Whiteworth has retired putting the Tynelian strength at net into question. Originally it was thought that Tom Gordman would become the man but instead it is the surprising Jim Michaels getting the starting nod after his three shutouts in WC30 in relief. Coach Billington has stated that both keepers should see plenty of action implying more of a rotation than past Tynelian squads. The interesting side note involves Brian Barns, the youngster pulls double duty this Cup as not only the 5th defender but as third keeper as well. It will be a minor plot to see if Barns actually will spend time in net or if Coach Billington is just being careful while trying to avoid carrying three keepers on the squad.

As the format and draw has not been made just yet, everyone is up in the air as to how the team will do. However most agree that if three teams can advance then tynelia is thought to have a very good chance. At least among reporters in Tynelia. For some reason Tynelia has yet to break through in the international press as a threat to do much to this point.

Jeri Kis, also known as Siki Rej, went into the room and felt at home from the beginning: the smell was right, the chaos was right, but the filth was gone and someone removed the empty pizza boxes and coffee cups. He touched the computers, which were sitting there deactivated, waiting for the time someone would need them. He started the PCs with the routine of several years as programmer. He logged in as root. He still remembered the password as if he only used the machine yesterday: ketva'han (ke written as the number 10). The system ran just fine. Jeri made a rebuild of the database.

Sikane Sekhika was not doing well in this match: the score was still nil-all. In the last three minutes, Jenji Y shouted some new orders to the team. this worked as Ilana Ke found a way through the defense and scored the decisive goal.

Somewhere in a cellar in Hetkali, a mad scientist cackled as his newest invention worked. This would change the world of soccer forever.

President Syku Lyku read about the possible coaches of the Orange-Blues and pondered. He did not want a foreign candidate, but would there a rejistanian both willing and able to do the job?

Derrick Snaddly looked at his transport. It was an old, decommisioned, recommisioned, red-decommissioned, stolen, retrieved, re-stolen, sunk, restored, sold, bought, re-sold, stolen, and then neglected battleship from the nation of Anyland. It was currently stocked with everything The Team was going to need, including tanks, robots, guns, cannons, mortars, more guns, close-combat weaponry, more guns, and lots of ammunition of various size, age, and usefullness.
There were several crates of exploding footballs, and a booby-trapped goal, as well as many, many out-dated land mines.

There was food, water, and other neccesities as well, but Snaddly had only let Deadly Penguin include that in the inventory after he was sure that the necessary items of play could fit in the enourmous, rusting bucket of bolts.

He knew that when his craft got within several hundred miles of the host countries, they'd be attacked, so he had tested and readied the warships guns and defense positions, and linked them to a main console in the bridge. He'd also been sure to fill out all and any forms, letters, reciepts or otherwise sent by the host country. First impressions were everything, any self-respecting door-to-door salesman knew that. You had to get everything right, down to the very last detail.

He checked his list. Everything was checked but three last things. He beckoned to his single teammate. It was time for Deadly Penguin to take a long-needed bath. That feathery tux was not going to go anywhere looking like that. And those webbed feet needed a polish, and the beak needed a bit of a buff.


And only then, would they embark.


***************************

Meanwhile, in Raging Penguins, the presses were already printing their priedctions, which ran like this:

"All other teams: Winning, qualifying, glorified.

The Team: Losing, disqualified, humiliated, dead."

- The Justtundra Times

These predictions would not change.

Eric Frankton had returned to Bazalonia from his stint leading the Rejistanian Orange-Blues. It was certainly good experince and he liked the time he spent there.

What he didn't like was all that politicalisation of football. It does not matter how they play as long as they play for fun and follow the rules. Attacking or defending, in fact it wasn't well known but the current coach's tenure was on very thin ground due to some out of season behaviour and if Eric plays his cards right he may just be able to snag the position from the BFSA, he certainly had the credentials.

... 2 Weeks Later ...

A press conference held in the BFSA Press room saw James Gaines and Eric Frankton Standing side by side.

"Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen, it has time to announce our new coach/manager for the upcoming world cup qualifiers after some unpleasant incidents Neil Kabants the Collonian national coach has been stood down and replaced with Eric Frankton. Eric Frankton spent the last World Cup coaching for the Rejistanian Orange-Blues and he was also the coach for Bazalonia's most successful league team, Drago FC. He has the ability and history behind him and we think he was what it takes to take us the next step into knockout stage of the World cup. Eric has a few words to say before we open up for questions"

"Thank you James, firstly let me say I'm glad to be back home, The time I spent in Rejistania helped me grow both as a coach and as a human being and I am really grateful to the oppurtunity to take the Bazalopes to the World cup, the team has done it before and I know that they can do it again. Thank you. So any questions?"

"So why did you leave Rejistania?"

"Well, Basically they blamed me for not bringing the squard into the Second Round. It was mainly the language barrier and various cultural issues. While I did know a bit of Rejistanian I had no idea about the culture. I mean I have a mobile but I couldn't get any coverage. I tried an exeperiment with another culture and it failed. However those issues won't become an issue for me here in Bazalonia and the things I learned while in Rejistania could very well give Bazalonia the boost it needs to get into the secound round itself. Please no more questions on Rejistania."

"What do you think of Caine Hawdon being one of the new members of the Az-Cz coaching team?"

"Well, good for Caine if he can wing of his relatives political carrer than good for him. Any other questions?"

There weren't and that was the end of the conference.

Thomas Lunson sighed. Having finished third in World Cup 30, most of his team had now gone and buggered off - no, wait, must be politically correct - "retired". In reality they were sitting around drinking alcohol and watching porn somewhere.

He picked up the phone. New FALE chairmanship elections had been held; Marc Newells, ex-Liverpool England Prime Minister, had been appointed to the job. "Marc?"

"Let me guess. You want to call up what's left of our under-21s?"

"Not... exactly."

"Whatever it is, you have my approval. You have 72 hours to submit the team sheet, and whatever you do - please use your brain."

Thomas sighed, put the phone down, and drew up his team sheet.

First name onto the list, in the ASSISTANT MANAGER box, "Luis Sunderland". Like many past Liverpool England managers and assistant managers, most players who retire go on to join the coaching staff of the national team. Then came the next box. This would probably be the first surprise of his team sheet. CAPTAIN [Adam Tsai].

He sighed, and put the list away, starting to type furiously on his computer.

Noz-Tf: Coach Hawdon is here today to answer any questions you may have about the announced roster.

Az-cz Reporter 1: 4-5-1? How did we end up in a 4-5-1? We struggled with goal scoring last qualifiers and now you put us in a 4-5-1?

Hawdon: Calm down. We believe it's the best formation for the team. We think both offense and defense will improve through it.

Az-cz reporter 1: How so?

Hawdon: Well having four defenders stabilizes the back helping the defense and allows the midfield more liberty to be agressive, as well as freeing Ml-Dni to attack more as well.

Az-cz reporter 2: Take us through the thought process of how you came to a 4-5-1?

Hawdon: Well we looked at our assets and it was clear that Pizelkaxrovsky needed to be in the middle of pitch to guide things and run our offense and that Kn-Dog needed to be upfront with another attacking wing partner, Levesque. We tried a 4-4-2, but we weren't pleased with Zax-Im by himself in defensive midfield so we realized that we needed a five man midfield. That left us with either a 3-5-2 or a 4-5-1. We considered both, but in the end we felt more confident allowing the midfield and the wing backs to move into the attack rather than having a second striker.

Az-cz reporter 3: This team has three players who are under 20 in the starting lineup. Are you worried about their lack of experience hurting you?

Hawdon: Is this a serious question? One of those players is Kn-Dg. He was the leading scorer on the Baptism of Fire championship side, as well as being a key during qualifying and the Cup of Harmony, so no. Levesque has seen time during the qualifiers and was a starter during the Cup of Harmony as well. Plus he's a coaches son, so he know his football. Haji-Me is clearly the biggest concern, but even he started in the Cup of Harmony. And the other three defenders back there with him are all plenty experienced. We have less international experience as a nation, but I'm not worried about youth, no.

Frank Dee (Bazalonian Reporter): There's a rumor that you will play a friendly against Bazalonia, is that true?

Hawdon: Yes. We will. The details haven't been smoothed out yet, but there is a plan in principal for our two squads to meet, and at this point the match looks to be in Bazalonia.

Az-cz reporter 4: Any other friendlies lined up?

Hawdon: Not yet. We'd like to play another friendly or two. We'd like to play ideally at Vilita and host Milchama, but at this point we're waiting to see what develops.

Az-cz reporter 5: This team starts five players 6'0" or higher. Was there a purposeful effort to get height into the starting lineup. And are you worried about having no height on the bench?

Hawdon: To the first part, not really. The only place where height came into effect was the decision to start Stanleyinho. We felt we wanted a tall target man, but other than that it just happened. Clearly Nerazzurri was going to be a starter. When we decided on a five man midfield Hubertino was clearly a starter. Levesque was the best wing to pair with Kn-Dg and Haji-Me was the fourth defender. So it just happened. As to the second part, yes, a little. We'd like to have some size on the bench. But we've got to work with what we've got to work with.

Az-cz reporter 6: Who were the hardest omissions from the team?

Hawdon: If-Wt and EE-Or. If-Wt because of the role he played last time around. He was a wonderful central midfielder filling in beautifully for Pizelkaxrovsky when he got injured, especially in the Baptism of Fire. As for EE-Or, he was the fifth striker we were going to bring, but eventually we decided we just didn't need 5 strikers if we were only playing a 4-5-1.

Az-cz reporter 7: Are you worried about only having four strikers in case of injury?

Hawdon: Not really. We're not locked into this lineup for each match. If there are injuries we can make replacements. Hopefully we'll stay healthy but if we lose some strikers, then we'll call up EE-Or or another striker. It's not a huge issue.

Az-cz reporter 8: Who's wearing the captain's armband?

Hawdon: Still Zax-Im. No reason to change.

Hawdon: It doesn't look like there are any more questions, so I'll see you guys soon.

News items from the Murrindal Mail

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/MurrindalMail.jpg

ARIDDIAN CUISINE COMES TO MURRINDAL

The mayor of Murrindal, iparia, today officially opened Errinundera’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) first Santé! (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sant%C3%A9%21) foodstore. “Everything about this franchise appeals to my notions of how a business can benefit a community,” he told an enthusiastic staff gathering. “The food is nutritious, ethical and vegetarian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Vegetarianism_in_Errinundera); the local community owns the franchise co-operatively with excess earnings being donated toward the environmental maintenance of the local riverbanks; and the staff are fully unionised. Above all, the food is delicious. This thyme barley soup with sourdough toast is perfect on a chilly, spring Murrindal River morning. This is going to put Murrindal on the map.”

The maker of the soup, jessup, explains that the franchise originators in Ariddia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia) allow considerable creativity in what is sold provided it is inexpensive and meets very strict standards nutritionally and ethically. "No Allanean crimeburgers (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cute_Bunny_Burger_Corporation) here, thank you very much.”

OUTLAW MAKES FIRST APPEARANCE AFTER THREE YEARS

Errinundera’s popular but widely-believed-to-be-misguided outlaw redrider made her first appearance since shooting Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River) goalkeeper, humi, in the foot three years ago. Her latest shenanigans involved chainsawing the branch holding the Rodger River mayor’s house. Mayor reeada was boggled when she returned home after a council meeting. “There was my house smashed to pieces on the ground. The strangest part about the whole thing is that no-one heard the chainsaw. Thank goodness I'm flying off to Ariddia tonight for the ubhashinim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim) match otherwise I'd have nowhere to sleep.”

redrider was pursued into the Rodger wilderness. Her American motorcycle was found bogged in deep mud about two kilometres from the scene of the crime but no further trace of her was found. The motorcycle will be used as landfill in a mine reclamation project. Many former admirers of redrider think she may have gone too far this time. “Shooting a footballer in the foot is one thing,” says fan and plumber asaltplai, “but injuring a tree is unforgivable.”

POTOROOS OVERWHELMED IN ARIDDIA

The national football team has received a warm welcome in Ariddia for the inaugural international match at ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium). Acting coach and newly appointed ambassador, keok, (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Keok) can hardly contain her enthusiasm for the event. “The people here a very kind but they are bit serious. It’s sort of like Errinundera but with even less money. We kept seeing these guys in uniforms – I didn’t know what they were. One guy looked particularly glum so I reached up and tweaked his nose. He put these metal things around my wrists – mmm, I thought, this could be fun – and took me to a place called a police station. When they found out who I was they were very apologetic. I insisted it was all my own fault. I hope I haven’t created an international incident.”

As well as inaugurating the ground, the event is being held as a memorial to the late ubhashinim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim), who was killed at Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Frosty_Hollow) in a World Cup match. Errinundera’s Protector of Foreign Affairs and Other Overseas Activities, iveitu, is astounded at the regard in which ubhashinim was held by Ariddians. “They never saw her in person yet they worshipped her just as we did,” she said after meeting her counterpart, Louis Jacobson, at a function prior to the game. “To name an international football stadium after her is simply astonishing. Everyone I have spoken with is awed by the gesture.” When asked about the new ambassador’s brush with a policeman iveitu simply replied, “She’s an Errinundrian.”

The youngsters in the team have been strutting their stuff on the local Ahwa’u beaches. “The ocean is the most amazing thing,” says rookie cunégonde. “I’ve always wanted to see an ocean. I just wish I could swim. At least it’s nice and warm here. We don’t need to wear any clothes. The blokes in Ariddia are very nice.” When asked about how she thought tomorrow’s match would go, she was excited but realistic. “I’m only a reserve but keok expects I will get a run in the second half. The Rouge et Noirs are fantastic footballers. A league above us you might say. We will go all out to do our best anyway. We are determined to make a good account of ourselves.”

UNIVERSITY ANNOUNCES LEECH BREAKTHROUGH

The head of the Department of Genetics at the University of First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls), ankenste, announced today that his university had finally created a viable two headed leech. “As you know, the annual blood-sucking competition in Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) allows any genetic modifications to leeches but disqualifies a team if the leach bursts,” he explained. “We haven’t been able to enter our two-headed leeches until now because the bodies just weren’t up to the sucking power of the two heads. Now we have engineered a leech that can expand rapidly and safely. In fact, they’re a bit frightening. I’m not sure that people will be willing to donate the amount of blood these creatures can extract."

The MFA are also said to welcome contributions from other nations in justifying their continued participation in World Cups to the sceptical hierarchs, and are said to even be willing to consider contributions from non-Orthodox nations so long as said contributions are compatible with the spirit of the Orthodox monastic life.


Upon hearing that the MFA was considering whether to withdraw from the international football stage, Ariddian team captain Hanifah Kyaw (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw), visibly surprised and disappointed, said the following:

"The Archregimancy? Withdrawing from the World Cup? Is outrage! (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fr._Vasily_the_Heavily-Accented)"

Asked why they should reconsider, she looked as if the answer should be obvious.

"Well! It wouldn't be the World Cup without a team from the Dreamed Realm, would it? Besides, we all love those dear old monks to bits! Yes, even their national anthem. It's... uh, quite moving. Soul strengthening, and all that."

The Ariddian Football Association has also expressed its hope that the Archregimancy will continue its participation in international football.

Noz-Tf's office

Hlp-Er: President Noz-Tf sir, have you thought about what to say to the people of Archregimancy, yet?

Noz-Tf: No I haven't. What with the announcement of the new coaches, and the squad for the qualifiers I'd forgotten all about that.

Hlp-Er: Well I have an idea sir.

Noz-Tf: Yes?

Hlp-Er: Reverse pyschology sir.

Noz-Tf: Pray tell?

Hlp-Er: You know saying the opposite of what you mean when you know that someone will do the opposite of what you say?

Noz-Tf: I'm not daft son, I know what reverse psychology is. But how does it help in this situation?

Hlp-Er: Although they've said they'll listen to us non-believers, I don't really believe that they will. So if we can convince them that heathens think soccer is a wicked game, maybe they'll decide it's best for themselves.

Noz-Tf: I like the way you think Hlp-Er. I'm in.

Hlp-Er: Well I've got this draft I've written up.

(Noz-Tf gets the draft from Hlp-Er)

Noz-Tf: Brilliant. We're sending it out as is.

Hlp-Er: Don't you want to revise it first?

Noz-Tf: Nope revision makes us seem intelligent. We want to come off as unelightened hooahs. You're versions done that brilliantly. But how distracted were you when you were writing this. And I'm amazed at your insolence at handing me such work. But in a good way.

(Noz-Tf smirks at Hlp-Er)

________________________________________________________________



To the esteemed members of Archregimancy,

We fully support your decision to give up football. We've compiled a large list of reasons why football is a wicked sport and shouldn't be played by anyone worried about their soles. Sorry, that was a bad joke. But the point stands. You should definitely give up international football. Here's a list:

1. Think about all of the crummy people you'll meet. Why we've only been participating for one world cup and we've already had matches against pornstars, godless gnomes (that's practice in case you're wondering), elves, dwarves, mice, and even minions of satan. Those people are beyond help and might even corrupt you in the process. Better to stay at home reading your books than to try to save the souls of these things.

2. All work and no play makes Ho-Mer something something. I forget what exactly ends that sentence, but I'm pretty certain it has something to do with becoming strong and dilligent, or mighty or going crazy. But at any rate it's probably good. And soccer is playing. Which makes it bad.

3. All sorts of evil things happen on the soccer field. Why, just in our time alone, we've experienced race riots, missile fly overs, and a bout of food poisoning done on purpose by the other team. Not to mention incidents such as Raging Penguins murdering a whole team, or the Myrtannians setting up an activities fair for a bunch of Az-cz children. Wait. Scratch that last one.

4. Cleanliness is next to godliness. I think I read that somewhere. And football is dirty. Now it's possible that dirtyness is next to godliness, but on the other side or something. But that's not very likely, now is it. If it were why would people mention the relative location of cleanliness and godliness. They wouldn't would they. So clearly football is bad, right?

5. Football is a gateway sport. First you're playing football, than it's surfing, and next thing you know you're smoking doobies on the beach. You don't want your monks smoking doobies, do you?

6. Lettuce. No wait. That goes on the shopping list. Sorry.

7. Jeruselem reporters. Those women are all strumpets. Damn sexy strumpets. Which makes them all the worse. Can you imagine what would happen if they tried to interview you?

8. It violates the 11th commandment, though shalt not put thine shirt covering thine face and run around on the lords grass.

9. Blessed are the meek. I think that's in your holy book somewhere. Well let me tell you what, soccer players are ripped. Holy crap. There's this guy on the Az-cz team named Bub-Rub who looks like he could kill a horse. You don't want your monks getting all like that.

10. Did I mention the pron stars?

11. I'm pretty certain I've seen people use the lords name in vain during games. That's bad, isn't it?

12. "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might". Someone showed me this quote on the internet. Well you can't use your hands in soccer. So there goest that one right out the window.

13. (This one is omitted because we know how the number 13 upsets you so)

14. Another one someone showed me on the internet: "He that toucheth pitch shall be defiled therewith; and he that hath fellowship with a proud man shall be like unto him. [Ecclesiasticus 13:1]" Well football is played on a pitch, so there's problem number one right there. And many football players are proud, so there's problem number two right there.

15. The golden rule. Do unto others as they would do unto you. We're not sure if it's a problem really. We're just not sure how your monks would be expected to follow it on the pitch.

16. Clearly the world cup trophy is a false idol. Those are bad right?

17. I think I saw a movie once that talked about taking care of your weaker brothers. Well unless you instruct your monks to lose on purpose, they ain't doing that. And if you're losing on purpose what's the point.

18. I did mention the porn stars right?

19. The seven deadly sins are lust, wrath, greed, sloth, hope, envy, and pride. All seven of these can be found on the football pitch.

20. Some teams have cheerleaders. Or porn stars.

21. We believe that some members of a number of the teams have had sex outside of the bonds of a commited relationship. They're clearly unclean.

22. Many teams like to mix the dairy and meats in their meals. We've seen some teams even eat things like Pizza. Perish the thought.

23. I think we've mentioned the porn stars right?

24. It's easier to push a camel through the eye of a haystack then get a rich man into heaven right. Well guess what about footballers. You guessed it. Most of them are rich. Yet another strike.

25. There are women on some of the football teams. Those are the same things that got you guys kicked out of the garden of eden. You can't consort with them can you.

26. If you're playing football when you do get the time to rake your rock gardens?

27. You guys are required to grow really long beards without shaving, right? How can you play football with those things?

28. Did I mention that you don't use your hands in football. Well guess what Idle hands are the devil's playthings. That means while your monks are playing football the devil is having his way with their hands. And that's not a good thing I think.

29. Not really anything to do with god, but currently TLC is involved in a war. And not a crusade, like you guys like, but a regular war over land and stuff. You don't want to get involved in that do you.

30. I think a religious man once said "A goal for a goal makes the whole world blind". You don't want to make the whole world blind do you?

31. I'm pretty certain I've mentioned this, but just to reiterate. There are PORN STARS!

So there you have it. 31 reasons not to participate in this world cup. I think you can now be totally convinced of the rightness of your decision. No need to thank us.

But if you could keep this message between us and not release it to the greater community. Perhaps its best if they don't know what's in this message, K?

From your caring friend, the godless gnome

Noz-Tf

President of the Az-cz football federation

To the Monastic Football Association;

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." KJV

Not only is this statement a statement against immorality and sin. It is also a statement to respect the body as the spirit of christ dwells within it. We have a responsibility to maintain and keep out bodies in fully working order. For as the verse states we are not our own but were bought with a price. The processes involved in playing, training and preperation for soccer promote not only discipline which is good for the soul but also healthy exercise and eating. Combining the physical and spiritual aspects of the temple of God the body is respected physically by the participation in International Soccer.

In addition to this Matthew 28:19 "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:" KJV. In addition to the personal benefits participating in international competition is a vehicle for missionary activity. The Orthodox Church as a whole in Bazalonia Benefitted from the exhorcism of Peter Hobble who has become a prominent member and beacon for the Iconodulistic Autocephalous Bazalonian Orthodox Church and has brought more members into the church than other other single event in our history.

Bishop of North Victorland Coast, Andreas Constance
Iconodulistic Autocephalous Bazalonian Orthodox Church

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DISPUTE OVER TEAM'S WORLD CUP PARTICIPATION RESOLVED
Holy Book Sent to Az-Cz

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

A sigh of relief and prayer of thanks came forth from all monastic football supporters today when the Monastic Football Association confirmed the Archregimancy's participation in World Cup 31.

"The dispute was never as serious as portrayed in some sectors of the media" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity and staring hard at this reporter. "I should state firmly that Metropolitan Mark of Xenophon was not speaking on behalf of the entire Holy Synod when he raised his objections to Archregimancy World Cup participation."

Nonetheless, the MFA are said to be sending Noz-Tf, President of the Az-cz football federation, an ornately bound and be-jewelled hagiography of All the Orthodox Fools for Christ for perhaps inadvertently proving, through a list of 31 points, that the world is so wicked and full of sin that evil, sin, heresy, freemasonry and Papal monarchiasm can only profit through the withdrawal of the Archregimancy from international football.

"Apparently there are porn stars", said the same senior archimandrite, still speaking on condition of anonymity, but now looking on this reporter slightly more charitably. "And that can't be good. We would, however, like to respond to Mr. Noz-Tf on some minor points:

1. Think about all of the crummy people you'll meet. Why we've only been participating for one world cup and we've already had matches against pornstars, godless gnomes (that's practice in case you're wondering), elves, dwarves, mice, and even minions of satan. Those people are beyond help and might even corrupt you in the process. Better to stay at home reading your books than to try to save the souls of these things.

This was in fact the very reason that the MFA decided to continue its participation - that there are souls to be saved - and we are grateful to Mr. Noz-Tf for pointing this out so forcefully.

4. Cleanliness is next to godliness. I think I read that somewhere. And football is dirty. Now it's possible that dirtyness is next to godliness, but on the other side or something. But that's not very likely, now is it. If it were why would people mention the relative location of cleanliness and godliness. They wouldn't would they. So clearly football is bad, right?

Wrong. Many Orthodox monks don't bathe. Dirt is part of God's creation, after all.

8. It violates the 11th commandment, though shalt not put thine shirt covering thine face and run around on the lords grass.

Perhaps Mr. Noz-Tf should re-check his bible. There are only 10 commandments. None of these prohibit a suitably restrained goal celebration, preferably praying.

15. The golden rule. Do unto others as they would do unto you. We're not sure if it's a problem really. We're just not sure how your monks would be expected to follow it on the pitch.

Through avoiding unfair play. Simple really. The Christian monastic footballer would never dream of intentionally chopping down the opposing forward from behind in order to stop a goal. And if he did - accidentally - what do you think confession's for?

19. The seven deadly sins are lust, wrath, greed, sloth, hope, envy, and pride. All seven of these can be found on the football pitch.

While not denying that all of the above are vile sins, I believe that you'll find that the concept of seven deadly sins is largely Catholic in its conception, and therefore an irrelevant formulation of schismatic heretics. Like Casari.

21. We believe that some members of a number of the teams have had sex outside of the bonds of a commited relationship. They're clearly unclean.

And through baptism in the name of the Holy Trinity, their souls can be washed clean. If we don't give them the opportunity to repent and join Orthodoxy, then we're failing in our Christian duty.

24. It's easier to push a camel through the eye of a haystack then get a rich man into heaven right. Well guess what about footballers. You guessed it. Most of them are rich. Yet another strike.

Eye of a needle, actually. And contrary to what some Protestant 'prosperity gospel' heretics tell you, that's not a gate in Roman Jerusalem - the latter idea is unattested before the 9th century, and there's no archaeological evidence of any such gate. Your basic point is otherwise sound, but can be easily dealt with through rich footballers giving up all their money and joining one of our monasteries.

26. If you're playing football when you do get the time to rake your rock gardens?

Perhaps Mr. Noz-Tf has us confused with Buddhists?

27. You guys are required to grow really long beards without shaving, right? How can you play football with those things?

Elegantly.

28. Did I mention that you don't use your hands in football. Well guess what Idle hands are the devil's playthings. That means while your monks are playing football the devil is having his way with their hands. And that's not a good thing I think.

Easily solved by the monastic footballer crossing himself while running to collect a pass.

29. Not really anything to do with god, but currently TLC is involved in a war. And not a crusade, like you guys like, but a regular war over land and stuff. You don't want to get involved in that do you.

The Monastic Football Association strongly denies any 'liking' for crusades. Crusades are a western concept, and given how much we Orthodox suffered at the hands of those Western Schismatics during the Fourth Crusade, the MFA must strongly stress that this is the gravest of insults to our national honour.

30. I think a religious man once said "A goal for a goal makes the whole world blind". You don't want to make the whole world blind do you?

You seem to be quoting a Hindu idol worshipper. In what way is this relevant to Orthodox monasticism?"

The MFA also thanked Ariddia and - particularly - Bazalonia for their support during the recent dispute.

However, it is believed that the Holy Synod have insisted on a compromise: all participating monks in the national squad in WC 31 will be anonymous, in order to encourage humility, avoid the sin of pride, and to avoid inadvertently encouraging unmonastic personality cults involving national team players.

The Hijim Lia Church of Rejistania urges the monks not to participate in the World cup. While our institution is not orthodox but uniquely rejistani (Mijin Da~e is considered the last prophet even though he did not speak to old-testament Hebrews but modern-days rejistanians), we think believing in some form of christianity is better than not to believe in Him Who Will Save Us. However since you participate in the World Cup, our religion is faced with a high number of prejudices like that Christians would require to wear a beard or worse: are not allowed to bathe. This makes it very difficult to spread the word of the Lord. If you now use System Karelan tactics t prevent popularity of players, you do more worse to Christianity than good. If you want to save the souls of heathens, consider to bathe sometimes since the smell of your team is considered worse than that of Siki Rej's room.

Yours sincerely,
Kemede Hija, Leteka of the Aleteka Hijim Lia

PS: a better attitude to life should also help.

The Schiavone Scribe
SANDERSON CONVERTS

In an unlikely turn of events, Schiavonia midfielder Kenny Sanderson Jr. has shunned the lifestyle of his thrill-seeking fame-hungry father to become an Orthodox monk.

Sanderson, who will hereby be known as Fr. Kenneth the Bold, announced his decision to switch from being a Roman Catholic like his father before him to the public at the SFF Headquarters in Kingsbury.

"Orthodoxy has always struck me as a life of righteousness, and having seen how my father's life has panned out, trying to steal the SchiaSports commentators jobs and wasting time on the surfing tour, I want a complete withdrawal from such things. A life in Orthodoxy should see me through that."

"It was a simple decision to make. I believe in one God, our God, but there were just bits that didn't fit in."

At the same time, though, it must have been a difficult decision for him to make, especially considering his background, being in the public eye in some capacity from such a young age.

Sanderson... sorry, Fr. Kenneth will play all games in full monastic robes, as displayed by the monks of The Archregimancy. When asked if this would hamper his play, he replied, "Well, they do it OK. I've practiced in these robes, and all seems to be going well."

One problem - the robes are not orange and dark red. Unless we play him in goal, could it not get a bit confusing for his team mates, or indeed the opposition?

Elven Times
New Tournament, New Look

With the qualification round of World Cup Thirty One set to begin soon, the ESC has commisioned me to do a report on the state of the Marauders, and give some details into the new faces on the squad. I told them I would think about it, they said do it or be fired, so here I am giving everyone an update on the national team. It's not like you guys really need one right? Over 90 percent of the population follows the Marauders, so you should all be up to date with the happenings of the squad. Never the less, I like my job, and need a little security with that threat.

As you all know, several members of the last squad are gone, along with the manager: Ashley Walker, Victoria Riot, and Dwier Titenburg are the main losses, each playing a pivotal roll for the Marauders in tournaments past. However Titenburg is not trully gone, for with Fortendale's departure and Revtron's promotion, the team found itself short an assistant, and the ESC quickly approached the elf and offered him the job which he humbly accepted. Some new faces to the squad include defenders: David Aligon and Gabriel Florez, midfielder Roberte Supulveda, and striker Tobias Raynor. The biggest suprise there is Raynor, for the rumors were swarming during the CoH that the Great Leader might of been pursuing a spot on the club, but no one honestly thought he would try or get if he did. Yet after watching the try out tape, I can hardly blame Revtron for allowing the agile Tobias onto the squad, I only hope his lack of expierence won't hurt the squad. Both Florez and Aligon are strong and competent defenders and should gel with the squad nicely, yet I'm not sure about Supulveda, he has abit of a temper, and that could cause unwanted distractions.

Trully though, the squad is in excellent shape for a good run and have the hopes that this is their time to make the grand stage. After having a great freshman campaign, only missing out on qualification by 4 points, and then having a bad sophmore campaign whose only highlight was the second place in the Cup of Harmony, the squad really thinks that this is their time. They now have the full expierence of how harsh and glorious the World Cup can be to squads, and are ready to meet the challange with open arms.

Article by Ron Santapa

THE MONASTIC TIMES

SCHIAVONIAN STAR WELCOMED TO ORTHODOX MONASTICISM
"Decision to enter tournament vindicated" say officials

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In news that gladdened the heart of every citizen of the Archregimancy, Schiavonian national team star and former Catholic schismatic Kenny Sanderson, Jr. announced last night the joyful news of his conversion to the one true Orthodox Church and -even better- his embracing of the monastic life. The Monastic Football Association was said to be sending the new Fr. Kenneth the Bold a set of orange and dark red liturgical robes so that he could represent his nation in the appropriate colours, if perhaps in a slightly more elaborate variation than that typically associated with Schiavonia's national team.

Slight consternation was initially voiced by the more traditional elements in Archregimancy society over whether "Kenneth" was an appropriately Orthodox name for a monk. Former national team captain Fr. David the Water Drinker and former (and possibly current) national team forward Fr. Brynach the Simple - both from the Western Rite minority - have since stepped in to note the existence of Saint Kenneth (Kyned, Kened, Keneth, Cenydd) of Wales, traditionally commemorated on 1st August. Born in the 6th century, Welsh tradition has it that Saint Kenneth was a son of Saint Gildas the Wise. He became a monk under Saint Illtud and was the founder of Llangenydd in the Gower Peninsula in south-west Wales. He later went to Brittany, where the village of Ploumelin is the centre of his cultus.

Senior MFA officials are said to be arguing that the conversion of Fr. Kenneth vindicates their decision to enter the current World Cup, and have offered it as proof that national team participation in the tournament has helped to spread the Orthodox faith.

The same officials also took a moment to reject charges from the heretical 'Hijim Lia Church of Rejistania' that the national team's approach to personal hygiene was harming Christianity. "We need pay no attention to heretics from a nation of virgin-sacrificers" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Fr. Kenneth the Bold is believed to be the first international footballer to not only convert to Orthodoxy but to also become a monk since the Archregimancy started participating in the World Cup in WC24

Arcticala Surf Center
Arcticala Junction
Arcticala
Vilita

Dear Kenny,

Son, what the hell do you think you're playing at? Please tell me all this Orthodoxy stuff is a load of old rubbish. Have you ever seen that lot from the Archregimancy? They're mad!

I mean, if you'd just converted normally, that'd be fine. But becoming a monk? You do realise that that is pretty much your life over now? You're in there and stuck with that lot for the rest of your days.

And what are you going to do about your football career? You don't think you can seriously mix the two in a place like Schiavonia?

Please think it over, if not just for your old dad.

Yours,

Dad


- - - - -

The Monastery of St Chariton the Confessor of Palestine
Mount Unimo
Scistin
Schiavonia

Dad,

Please accept my decision as something that I have chosen to do. This isn't just something you rush headlong into. Plus there are millions of heretics out there who need to be saved. Someone's got to do it.

As for the football, well you pushed me into that anyway. I didn't choose to do it. The only reason I'm any good at all is because you made me go and practice when all the other kids were out doing whatever it is that normal children do. The only reason I'm in the national team is because of my name.

Oh, and I've changed that, too. From now on, I shall be known as Fr. Symeon. This is after St. Symeon the Myrrh-streamer, the 12th century ruler of the Kingdom of Serbia who renounced his royal honour, wealth and glory to become a monk. He was the inspiration for my decision.

So let me get on with my life, and I'll let you get on with yours.

Yours,

Fr. Symeon the Bold

P.S. Have you ever considered a life in the Orthodox Church? (Well, it's worth a try.)

Domino says:
Hey Chris
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Hey Dom
Domino says:
You know this Socialist Romanistan place?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Yeah?
Domino says:
Well I've been looking online about them
Chris - Uh-oh says:
OK
Domino says:
Apparently they were a small nation in the Heartland who existed for only a couple of years before disappearing completely
Domino says:
Not that anyone noticed
Domino says:
So maybe that's who they meant to send your letter to
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Where do you think I got the name from?
Domino says:
What name?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
go to www.nationstates.scv
Domino says:
Wait a minute
Domino says:
Right, there
Domino says:
Hey, this looks cool
Domino says:
Who's this Barry Max fella?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
I'll explain later
Domino says
OK
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Go to "THE WORLD" and then where it says type nation, put "Socialist Romanistan"
Domino says:
Hang on...
Domino says:
So someone's got a nation called Socialist Romanistan?
Domino says:
So what?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
That's mine
Domino says:
Oh
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Go to the forums
Domino says:
OK
Chris - Uh-oh says:
You there yet?
Domino says:
They don't seem to work
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Well, they do suck
Chris - Uh-oh says:
OK, I'll just explain
Chris - Uh-oh says:
On the forums, they have a World Cup roleplay thing, where you sign up your nation, then they use random numbers to create results
Domino says:
Sounds like a bit of a dumbass idea, if you ask me
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Well I'm not asking you am I?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Anyway, they're up to the 31st edition, so I signed up
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Only something appears to have gone wrong somewhere, so not only are Socialist Romanistan in NSWC31, but they're in the actual World Cup 31, too
Domino says:
Surely they should have known you were just a kid, tho?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Well I suppose it's my own fault for stealing a real WC nation's name
Domino says:
So... we got a team in the WC?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
It looks that way
Domino says:
And how did you do in your NSWC thing?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
We came last
Domino says:
So living up to their namesakes, then? :p
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Shut up!
Domino says:
Can we talk this over later?
Chris - Uh-oh says:
OK
Domino says:
Just I should be in bed
Chris - Uh-oh says:
So should I
Domino says:
Night, mate
Chris - Uh-oh says:
G'nite bitch
Domino says:
Oh, and you're not Jeremy Jaffacake, OK
Chris - Uh-oh says:
Who?
Domino says:
Never mind

The Aleteka Hijim Lia is seriously worried about the pureness of intentions of the Kuxemdox* church of the Archregimancy. Jesus has said: "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them." Mijin Da~e preached about this sentence: "those who are of pure hearts, do not hinder them to come to the Aleteka, do not behave as if they are of lower simu. Their hearts are still in the state of heh~seme, their minds still are unencumbered from the lies and tricks of those who were exposed to the impure too long without finding God. If you hinder them to find God, if your example or your direct deeds prevent them from finding God, it is the same as if you dragged them out of the aleteka and punished them for being in it, like putting them in a place where there is no light and cool air." (sometimes words were left untranslated if the translation otherwise would be too inelegant) You do hinder people by your example to find God and according to Da~e'he this is the same as forcing people to live in the dark. You did not say how you could deal with these moral implications and therefore insult us as heretics. From the words of Da~e'he: "Those words of God are real, but those who came after they were written and who fight over them, they are not divinely inspired. If you talk to someone in a less respectfull way because of what he or she reads out of the holy text, you are wrong. If he puts his thought into the subject and studies the texts, the mental capacity the Lord has given him allows him to reach conclusion as true or as wrong as yours are."
We feel insulted by your claims that we are heretics, but as good Christians we turn the other cheek.

*Kuxe~lm is minokajetian for "ambivalent" or "undecidable"

BC Inc. the company responsible for the SuperDude comic series has announced a special epic SuperDude storyline relating to the 31st World Cup.

Reginald Hoggerton, the companies spokesperson said..

"We'll release a brief comic story at the begining of World Cup which will be added upon match after match. The story will relate to happenings in the world cup and see how the World Cup might work out in the world of SuperDude. I can't say much about the storyline but it will be very important SuperDude story line that will be the basis for our further storylines. The cost will be minimal and will be released international by various partner companies throughout the world. The comic will certainly reference the matches and may even play vital points in the plot. Any questions?"

"Will SuperMonk be making an appearance?"

"Maybe, as I said before I am not at liberty to discuss the plot and since SuperMonk is part of the SuperDude Universe so it certainly is possible but it is not by far a certainity."

"Will this deal with the new mysterious character that we still know nothing about?"

"Perhaps. Ok, well that is all that I have time for at the moment. If you have any other questions please send them in writing. Thank you."

Hlp-Er: Noz-Tf, sir, we seem to have gotten this book in the mail.

Noz-Tf: What is it?

Hlp-Er: Apparently it came from the Archregimancy. It's a religious book I think.

Noz-Tf: Have you read any of it?

Hlp-Er: Just a little. There's some stuff about some saints. I gave up after a while. This religious stuff doesn't make any sense.

Noz-Tf: Yeah, but what are we supposed to do with the book. The jewels and binding are pretty. It's too bad the contents are nonsense.

Hlp-Er: Yeah, you'd think they'd have gotten the godless part made it clear we didn't want it. Hey, I've got an idea. What if we had a professional binder redo the binding and release it as a commerative album of our Baptism of Fire championship. We could put the newspaper articles and pictures and what not in there. We could display this one at the Az-cz sports hall of fame and sell copies to the public.

Noz-Tf: You're a genius.

________________________________________________________________


Noz-Tf: We've called you here today to show you this lovely gift the nation of Archregimancy has sent to us. It is a beautifully bound and put together book. The name is Orthodox Fools. That's apparently a reference to us. Hey, I don't understand how they thing in the Archregimancy. Anyways, the collection of pictures and accounts is outstanding. Some real work must have been done to put it together. As you can see the binding is magnificent. This copy will be put on display at the Az-cz sports hall of fame, and individuals can buy replicas from the National Team website. Are there any questions?

Az-cz reporter 1: It looks like there were originally letters beneath Orthodox Fools. What is that?

Noz-Tf: Nothing. We think it's just some damage that happened during delivery.

Az-cz reporter 2: Are we going to be sending anything back to them.

Noz-Tf: No our work is done. We've already had discussions with them, and this is just a thank you.

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

EMBARGO AND QUARANTINE LIFTED
Opposing Teams Free to Enter Holy Empire for First Time Since WC7

By Anna Comneno

In shock news, the Holy Empire Football Association, the State Bureau for Internal Security and The Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell simultaneously announced tonight that, on the personal orders of the Basileus, both the embargo on most contact with ordinary reality (in place since the end of WC 7) and the quarantine restrictions in place for those who had such contact (in place since the pre-WC25 Ariddian plague) had been lifted.

For the first time since WC 7 qualifying, other national teams will be permitted to enter the Holy Empire. HEFA also announced that for the first time since the same world cup, the Holy Empire would be sending a proper squad of fully professional footballers rather than the recent motley crews of cripples, criminals, Tzimisces dream simulacra and porn stars.

"It's time this nation reclaimed its proud footballing heritage" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Concern has been voiced in some quarters over the impact that travelling to the centre of the Dreamed Realm might have on foreigners, but representatives from SBIS and ISPI were said to providing visitors with special quarters near the Imperial Hippodrome that would help to shield said visitors from the worst side-effects of potentiallly crippling culture and reality shock.

ISPI also announced that they would be providing all visitors - whether sporting or touristic - with free copies of the Holy Empire's national epic poem 'The Imperial Epic'. With the permission of ISPI, this newspaper is re-printing this inspirational verse here in the hope that it inspires our national team to avoid total humilation.

THE IMPERIAL EPIC
By Guillermo B. Yeatses

The unpurged images of day recede;
The Emperor's drunken soldiery are abed;
Night resonance recedes, night-walkers' song
After great cathedral gong;
A starlit or a moonlit dome disdains
All that man is,
All mere complexities,
The fury and the mire of human veins.

Miracle, bird or golden handiwork,
More miracle than bird or handiwork,
Planted on the starlit golden bough,
Can like the cocks of Hades crow,
Or, by the moon embittered, scorn aloud
In glory of changeless metal
Common bird or petal
And all complexities of mire or blood.

At midnight on the Emperor's pavement flit
Flames that no faggot feeds, nor steel has lit,
Nor storm disturbs, flames begotten of flame,
Where blood-begotten spirits come
And all complexities of fury leave,
Dying into a dance,
An agony of trance,
An agony of flame that cannot singe a sleeve.

Astraddle on the dolphin's mire and blood,
Spirit after spirit! The smithies break the flood,
The golden smithies of the Emperor!
Marbles of the dancing floor
Break bitter furies of complexity,
Those images that yet
Fresh images beget,
That dolphin-torn, that gong-tormented sea.

Ours is no country for old men. The young
In one another's arms, birds in the trees
- Those dying generations - at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unageing intellect.

An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there singing school but studying
Monuments of its own magnificence;
And therefore I have sailed ‘cross dreams and come
To the holy city of Alasdairopolis.

O sages standing in God's holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.

Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as Imperial goldsmiths make
Of hammered gold and gold enamelling
To keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
Or set upon a golden bough to sing
To lords and ladies of the Holy Empire
Of what is past, or passing, or to come.

The darkness drops again. And know I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Cuation Youngsters Given Chance

The Cuation team has had an overhaul with many changes in the FA and the manager slowly bringing in the youngsters to replace the veteran players. With many new faces, there may yet be problems with teamwork for the first few games and maybe a lack of experience.

Jude Tanner keeps his place after a fine season that saw his team come within a whisker of the title. In front of him he has Cheese at his peak, Butcher and Cole replacing Cole. The leadership and experience of Irwin could be vital to the team’s chances but there are high hopes for James to be a star despite his tender age. Jamie Terry will be impatient for his chance but as fine a defender as he is, his poor ability on the ball can be a problem. The bad relationship with Jude may also have something to do with it.

Fallen was the only midfielder to play in the last world cup and will have to play well to control the game. Downing is an odd choice but if he can get crosses in, he could change a tight game but it asks a lot of Butcher. Lewish is another star in the making, if he and Fallen can get a grip during games, Cuation will win.

Scott Makaie's energy could be useful in any game, he is the one midfielder in the squad who can really unsettle a team's passing. He and Speedy will hope for many chances but I imagine Speedy as a late sub will get more run outs then anyone. The strike force remains the same as last time.

Can Cuation finally gain some consistency? Young players tend not to have that asset so it seems that we won't but odder things have happened in football.

Coach and defender Greg Hughes sat in his desk, when his computer told him he had a few e-mails. "Enlarge my penis, free fuck-buddies,free pr0n, is there anything good, oh, look what we have here, the new rankings." he said. "WOW!" he shouted. He went to the club house and gather the players. "I have some good new guys, we moved up in the rankings, we are now 29th." he said. The team exploded in cheers and amazement. This was amazing, the team had only been involved in international competition for two World Cup's, and did not have a Baptism of Fire.

"This is amazing guys, we are new to this stuff and we are in the top 30, this basically makes it an automatich qualify. We still have to play hard though, we don't want to pull a Spaam, and not qualify." Team Captian Jon Fields said. The team got a laugh out of that. "The group draws should be held soon, we should sit and watch the Women's World Cup, maybe that Dazza chick from Jeruselem will be on, she's one smoking babe. Then when the group draw comes on, we can watch that." Fields said. The team went and sat in front of the 64" Plasma DLP HDTV, and waited.

Aces Avoid Being Nurpled

With the qualifying draw for the World Cup just days away, the Krytenian Football Association met the new world rankings with relief. The national side will be ranked fifth overall, and in the top group of seeds, thus avoiding a potentially explosive tie against Starblaydia.

With relations between the two nations having disintegrated over the last few years, any meeting of the Aces and the Nurples could result in a security nightmare. The rankings do, however, fail to prevent one possibility; that the two nations may meet in the Lowland Clans. If this does happen? Light the sky blue touchpaper and stand well back.

Errinundrian visit “memorable” for Ariddians

The Ariddian authorities were quick to assure Ambassador keok that no diplomatic incident had been created by her playfully “tweaking” the nose of a police officer.

“It didn’t occur to us that Errinundrians wouldn’t know what a policeman is,” AFA president Anna Teals explained. “This is the kind of cultural difference that makes it so interesting for us to have Errinundrian visitors in our country.”

Ariddians have been showing Errinundrian supporters and even players round all the local fun spots on Ahwa’u.

“They’re really relaxed, and fun to spend time with,” one young man, Ue Sablier, said. “I really hope I can go to their country one day. A lot of them here were going to the beach for the first time in their lives, but the lifestyle in Errinundera sounds fantastic!”

Meanwhile, in Errinundera, members of the Ariddian-Errinundrian community watched the game from the treetops. Asked which country she would be supporting, one woman, Jeanne Dovers, hesitated a moment then grinned and said, “Whichever one happens to be losing”.

In Ahwa’u itself, supporters of both teams gathered together to watch the match unfold. After the ulek, the Rouge-et-Noirs seemed eager to test the Errinundrian defences right away. The latter had only two (full) defenders to Ariddia’s five attackers, forcing the Errinundrian midfielders into defensive playing for the opening minutes. After that, however, the Rouge-et-Noirs were swiftly reminded not to neglect their own defence, as Errinundera’s four attackers put significant pressure on Sentier, Ja, Song and goalkeeper al Maharmeh, playing his last ever international match. The two sides had to temper their attack to compensate for each other’s very much forward-based style of play.

The first to find the correct balance, Errinundera scored the opening goal, in the sixteenth minute, when lyseup obtained the ball from soflaw, slipped past Eot Ja and shot the ball in at a difficult and highly effective angle. There were cheers in the stadium, but this was only the beginning.

Ariddia struck back in the twenty-first minute, Nam Hyok-Jun taking a kick from a distance, the ball skimming in just out of owiavi’s reach. The Rouge-et-Noirs stepped up their attack, and in the twenty-fourth minute Tadjou Sheyi Senaya ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tadjou_Sheyi_Senaya) moved in with a shot on goal, well saved by owiavi. The goalie sent the ball hurtling back down the field, where the potoroos mounted an effective counter-attack. lyseup, faced with a seemingly impassible Thérèse Chantier, passed sideways to otelopea, who finally obtained a clear shot. Defender Aush Song deflected the ball at the last possible moment, but was unable to control its trajectory, and rosaniel kicked it in. 2-1.

By the thirty-sixth minute, Ariddia had regained the initiative somewhat, and had obtained a corner kick. It was shot by Uha Teh, and as Nathalie Simon leapt to take it with her head, she accidentally elbowed itzro in the throat. The match was stopped, and medics ran onto the field, but it soon appeared the Errinundrian defender was not seriously hurt. Simon apologised profusely, and the ball was given to owiavi.

Just when it seemed the first half of the game was going to end with Errinundera in the lead – an unexpected result, given the teams’ respective rankings – Hanifah Kyaw ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw) livened up and slammed the ball into the net in the thirty-eighth minute, allowing her team to draw level. And, as if to gain a psychological advantage, the Rouge-et-Noirs squeezed into a narrow lead in the forty-fifth minute, courtesy of Simon. The Ariddian supporters, too, seemed to gain a new burst of energy, and cheered as the whistle blew for half-time. The score was 3-2.

Ariddians were chanting, singing the anthem and waving the national flag – or, in some cases, sportingly waving the flags of both countries – as the second half began. Some supporters even stood on the steps and performed an impromptu ulek. Throughout the stadium, Ariddian and Errinundrian supporters were making the most of it all to get to know one another, and the camera lingered on a group of Ariddians introducing their counterparts to the taste of grapefruit beer, a rather unusual beverage found only in the Ariddian Isles.

Showing little sign of tiredness, the players on the field continued to attack energetically, and it was Senaya who scored the first goal of the second half, finally increasing his country’s lead to a safer level. Not to be outdone, Errinundera retaliated confidently, rosaniel scoring hir second goal of the match and narrowing the gap. The Rouge-et-Noirs were bringing in fresh players by that point, and defender Julien Prévert proved his worth mere minutes after entering the field, tackling the ball away from lyseup. As he began to get up, however, zirza stumbled into him at a run, apparently inadvertently kicking him in the face. Prévert fell back down, holding his face, and the match stopped again for a short while as medics were brought in. All was soon well, however, and zirza hugged the Ariddian defender to apologise, Prévert blushing slightly as he hugged her back.

With three new players on each side – silvu, cunégonde and evolu for Errinundera, al Safi, Smith and Prévert for Ariddia – the pace of the match never slowed down. Ariddian captain Hanifah Kyaw almost scored again in the sixty-eighth minute, but owiavi managed an amazing save, keeping hir team in with a chance to catch up. That chance was partly dashed when Nam scored his second goal of the game in the seventy-second minute.

Still it did not seem that all was over, however. In the seventy-ninth minute lyseup scored. . . but the goal was immediately disallowed due to an offside. The Rouge-et-Noirs put an end to all uncertainty in the eighty-seventh, when defender Eot Ja, due to retire after this game, surprised himself and spectators by scoring his first – and last – ever goal in an international match. His team mates rushed to pile upon him, hug him and congratulate him. A few minutes later, it was over, and Ariddia had won the game with six goals to three. The public had been treated to an amazing match with a total of nine goals scored (ten counting lyseup’s second), and many rose to their feet, cheering.

The players on both sides proceeded to swap their shirts, smiling and congratulating their opponents; Ariddian captain Hanifah Kyaw swapped her red and black #3 shirt with potoroo captain blackwoo’s white one.

There are reports that some of the Rouge-et-Noirs have invitated their Errinundrian counterparts to some sort of party this evening. Celebration and merry-making is in the air, and it hardly seems to matter which team has won or lost.

“Gentlemen, you wanted my resignation, and you shall have it. I shall return to club management. With some relief, may I add. But I leave the team in a stronger position than that which I inherited.”

It was not unexpected news. And the replacement was supposed to be a non-controversial choice. Fred Goodman had won the only trophy Crowhurst had not won in recent years. But when the press conference was called to present the new manager to the world at large the media had a complete shock.

Behind the WFA chairman walked a tracksuited crew-cutted, bespectacled red-haired sergeant major of a man. The new manager was going to be the Hacker.

***

Norman Hacker had had a meteoric career through Wentland football since retiring from a journeyman career in his early thirties. As manager at non-league Tolton Wanderers he took them to the fourth round of the Cup. He had hoped for a job at one of the bigger clubs but instead settled for the “hot seat” at fourth division Sandford – and took them to the second in three seasons. Having done so he jumped ship for Maitland United and took the Red Tide from relegation candidacy to mid-table respectability, whilst Sandford plummeted back down. On paper he was a respectable choice for management.

But there was a good reason why he had not been chosen by one of the bigger clubs as manager.

Hacker’s style was brutalist. His mantra was that you had to stop goals going in before you could build a winning team. His Sandford team scored 38 goals in 42 games in their second promotion season but a stream of 1-0 wins saw them go into the top half of the league by a point – and they conceded an almost inhumanly low 15, still an all time record. A solid 5-4-1 formation, or even a 6-3-1, was his favoured tactical choice.

And there was the style of play as well. Hacker teams were expected to work hard and he tended to go through a number of players in a season; his first year at Maitland saw 46 players used in 42 games, another Wentland record. Injuries, fatigue, suspensions all cost him. And what suspensions! Intimidation was the order of the day at Maitland, big Lennie Newton transformed from defence to the sole attacker whilst Tom Burnside stood like a rock in central defence, noted for his brutality and snide techniques. They shall not pass, was the motto, by fair means or foul they shall be stopped.

The question is what would this man do to Wentland national football? Hacker had had contempt for the Crowhurst team and being very much his own man it is unlikely he will defer in any way to Tommy Barnes. A number of other players may be thinking their international careers are likely to be foreshortened by Hacker’s involvement and the first squad is awaited with some interest.

Hacker himself at the conference was not in an endearing mood. “I don’t care if people don’t like me,” claimed Hacker, “it’s not a popularity contest. If Johnny Wentland is p***ed off because their favourite is not included then I don’t give a toss. I’m here to win, not make friends. And after failure after failure it’s about time we won something.”

Article from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age

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SO FAR AWAY, SO CLOSE

From our reporter, hisiswor, in Ahwa’u, Ariddia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia)

(Photograph of the thick, old trunk of a date palm. On the left of the trunk is Ariddia’s Secretary of External Affairs, Louis Jacobsen, looking intently at the camera. On the right Errinundera’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) Protector of Foreign Affairs, iveitu, is clearly suppressing the giggles.)

“One thing about Ariddia really sucks.” This is zirza speaking. She is the youngest member of the Potoroos who are currently visiting that country. “We have to pay for everything.”

It’s the day after the official opening of the ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium), where the hosts easily accounted for the relatively inexperienced Errindrian team, 6-3. I have gathered with the players from the two sides on a quiet beach on the island of Ahwa’u.

“Well, the problem is not that I don’t want to pay my own way,” continues Zirza. “Or that I have an ideological aversion to handling money. It’s just that Ariddians don’t have to pay. Now, I’m not making a case for fairness. It is their country after all. It’s just that, by paying, we stand out like dog’s balls.”

Everyone present laughs. The evening is balmy. A gentle breeze is playing softly on the skin. Those present are mostly in a state of undress. These perfect young athletes would stand out in just about any location. Dance music plays softly but enticingly from a radio somewhere.

Uha Teh explains. “We don’t have a money economy in Ariddia. We believe that each person is entitled to what they need and, in return, provides for others according to their ability. This creates a problem for us with short-term visitors. They use our resources while they are here but usually can’t provide anything in return. Yourselves excluded, of course. You have provided us with much joy. Anyway, visitors buy credits upon arrival and use them as needed.”

Captain of the Potoroos, blackwoo, points out to the Ariddians that Errinundrians have a similar philosophy. “We have a saying, ‘Your problem is my problem until it is solved.’ It’s sort of like, ‘How can I be happy if you’re not?’ We believe that everyone has a responsibility to the forest. And, as all of us are part of the forest, we have a responsibility towards everyone else.”

There are so many similarities between the nations. Ariddia has its indigenous Wymgani and its colonising French and English. Errinundera has its indigenous Oo and Zu-vendi and its colonising English. Citizens of each nation are tri-lingual. Both nations are vegetarian. Both are enthusiastically left wing. But there are huge differences as well. Just look at the respective geographies. Several of the Errinundrians had never seen the ocean before. Or felt sand in their socks. Conversely, few Ariddians can imagine what life in a housetree can be like. Or to have a leech in their pubes.

Even politically there are huge differences. Witness this exchange

The angelic genderqueer rosaniel: “There is something else I don’t like. Police. You have them everywhere.”

Hanifah Kyaw: “They are necessary to carry out the will of the people and to ensure that we are all safe.”

rosaniel: “Police aren’t necessary. We don’t have any. Who tells them what the will of the people is?”

Hanifah Kyaw: “The People’s Prime Parliament makes the laws. Don’t you have a parliament?”

rosaniel: “Yes, but they don’t decide anything important. The really important things are decided in the towns and villages by the mayors and the magistrates. Mostly the parliamentarians just annoy us. So, from time to time, we burn down their parliament just to let them know who’s really in charge.”

Whoever said sportspeople were dumb jocks should have listened to the following wide ranging debate about the merits of decentralised representation, as practised in Errinundera, versus a centralised parliamentary system, as practised in Ariddia.

“Well, the UN rates our democratic freedoms as superb and yours as merely good,” skites an impertinent owiavi.

“We beat you 6-3,” responds Nathalie Simon. There is much laughter from all involved.

At this point someone turns up the music. We all start dancing regardless of age. People nearby also join in and before long hundreds are dancing on the beach. Radios are tuned into the same dance station and an impromptu party goes late into the night. There is a fourth language all those present know. It called dance. And it transcends politics and national boundaries. Football can be like that also, as these young athletes would attest.

The Official World Cup 31 Group Draw (In seeded format) As presented by World Cup 31 Organizing committee host Santo Kecker earlier today in the presence of representatives from Bedistan, Fmjphoenix, Liverpool England, Rejistania, Schiavonia, Spaam, Spruitland, The Islands of Qutar, The Macabees and Tryanny.

The Group Schedule and corresponding Group Schedule Orders will be released shortly. Groups will be randomized prior to schedule placement.


Group 1:
[ 1] - Starblaydia
[20] - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
[29] - Quakmybush
[45] - Qazox
[51] - Raging Penguins
[63] - Rordia
[84] - Spindomia
[90] - Nikea
[131] - Eseck
[N/A] - Assegai Developments

Group 2:
[2 ] - Bedistan
[19] - Nedalia
[33] - Bazalonia
[44] - Anathematic Republics
[53] - United Island Empires
[68] - Risa-Aramour
[85] - Errinundera
[114] - Backwardistan
[189] - Reanimated States
[204] - Brownwick

Group 3:
[ 9] - Rejistania
[16] - Schiavonia
[35] - Dance 2 Revolution
[40] - Tynelia
[55] - Green Wombat
[62] - Nebuleux
[73] - Az-cz
[92] - Sel Appa
[159] - Algal States
[N/A] - Pablicosta

Group 4:
[ 5] - Krytenia
[21] - Commerce Heights
[26] - Cataduanes
[47] - Dorian and Sonya
[57] - Sativaville
[64] - Elves Security Forces
[83] - Demot
[122] - Divensi
[192] - Ikeea
[N/A] - Dj8989

Group 5:
[ 4] - Casari
[17] - The Islands of Qutar
[34] - Northern Caesarea
[41] - Vuam and Isma
[58] - Harlesburg
[69] - System Karela
[72] - The Mice of Miceland
[101] - Anastasiania
[131] - Okielahoma
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Group 6:
[ 7] - Tadjikistan
[11] - New Montreal States
[30] - Becquerelia
[42] - Haraki
[48] - Cuation
[66] - One Red Dot
[76] - Aurendia
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship
[N/A] - Adamica

Group 7:
[10] - Ariddia
[12] - Jeruselem
[24] - Chicanada
[43] - Magnus Valerius
[49] - Geisenfried
[61] - Kericia
[79] - The Macabees
[112] - Montegrande
[204] - Cyredel
[N/A] - Tryanny

Group 8:
[ 3] - Liverpool England
[18] - Bettia
[25] - Milchama
[36] - Yafor 2
[52] - Lisburn Mateys
[59] - Marceau State
[77] - Alasdair I Frosticus
[103] - Delesa
[189] - Candy Rocks
[210] - Socialist Romanistan

Group 9:
[ 6] - Squornshelous
[22] - The Archregimancy
[28] - Spaam
[38] - Wentland
[50] - Rorysville
[60] - Iansisle
[82] - Tessan
[111] - Tocapa
[159] - Funnia Lan
[204] - Lord of Hosts

Group 10:
[ 8] - Fmjphoenix
[14] - Oliverry
[32] - Spruitland
[46] - Spaamanian Plijous
[56] - Turori
[70] - Virginia Nova
[87] - Ropa-Topia
[113] - Marion Oaks 2
[179] - Bushes Been Quaked
[N/A] - Lovisa

Announcement from the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association).

The World Cup 31 draw has been announced. Errinundera's (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) president, uashe, says that it is a fair draw. "We would have liked to be higher than 7th in our group but I suppose it is up to us to improve our ranking over the course of the cup. Currently our KPB ranking (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/KPB_ranking_system) is 85th. Our aim is to make it into the top 50 for World Cup 32.

"The only team Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) has played before is the top rated team in the group, Bedistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bedistan), who are ranked 2nd in the World and are the current champions (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_30). Oddly, our record against them is 2 wins and a draw.

"We defeated Bedistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bedistan) 1-nil in a strange roundrobin play-off series in World Cup 6 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_6) to determine which 3rd place team from the qualifying rounds would make it to the cup. Accounts from the time reveal that Bedistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bedistan) played immediately after a terrifying bus-ride through a mountain pass to get to the Wulgulmerang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wulgulmerang) ground.

"The following cup (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_7) we played them twice. After qualifying we drew nil-nil in the first round then defeated them 1-nil in the semi-final on the way to our World Cup Victory (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_7_Final_Day_in_Errinundera). The legendary longipesp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Longipesp) kicked both the goals scored in the two winning matches.

"We look forward to giving Bedistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bedistan) and all the other teams a warm welcome when they visit Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera)."

"Norman, what's your reaction to the qualifying group?"

"Well, given the shower I've inherited, there's little chance of qualifying, isn't there? All Barnes needed to do was win one more match in the last 3 World Cups, or not **** it up in the Harmony, and we would have been a third seed and looking to qualify. But no, we're stuck in a bloody difficult group and with little chance to qualify. I'm preparing for the Harmony already."

"Do you not hold out any hope of qualifying?"

"No. How can we? Three teams are massively, massively over-ranking us. It's not even close. Rorysville are closer to us than we are to qualifying. And Squornshelous gave us our worst defeat ever. No, all we can do is put some pride back into Wentland for a change."

"Norman, have you chosen your squad?"

"Yes and it will be announced shortly. They've got 18 games to get used to each other before the Harmony."

"So there we have it. It was never going to be an easy group but new coach Norman Hacker does not think that the Swifts stand an earthly. Pessimism? Or realism? Call us now on the usual number..."

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Old Friends back again

News just in that the world cup groups have finally been announced.
Mateys have been given an extremly hard group possibly the hardest since they have entered the competition which may be due to the new format. In group 8 with the Mateys are old friends Milchama and also Yafor 2. The Mateys players will be gald playing Milchama again as they are a great group of guys but have smashed us in almost all of the 6 games played against them.

Interestingly enough Mateys have been drawn with Liverpool England. A team notourious for being stubbourn behind the scenes with the Mateys football board locked in a vicious battle with the LEFA over the nationality of Steven Albers and his right to play for Lisburn Distillery. Mateys won the decision and LEFA have been pissed ever since. This team although we dont get along are the strongest team by some distance and should wrap up this group easily.

Bettia will also be visiting Maze this time around and we are sure Chuck Gonzalo will provide as much information as he can about the team as he plays his football with Grapenhall.
Potential giant killers Alasdair I Frosticus will have to be watched very careful as they have some gifted players in their ranks.

Former player Richard Higgenbottom has stated that he believes the defence will be key in providing the Mateys with any chance.

"The defence must step up, they where poor in the last campaign and even worse in the CoH, mayby this is why Kirk has made a few changs to rectify this situation, we can only hope that those players have the ability to do what is asked of them"


reported by
Jonny Rodriguez

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Read SG online - http://sports.rta/gazette/

World Cup xXxI Draws Near; Group Draws Are Here

ISLE OF UHM - Almost zero. That is the chance that Ropa-Topia is going to qualify for the World Cup this time. Although the best three teams in a group can qualify instead of just the top two, the groups themselves are bigger too. Only three out of nine opponents for Ropa-Topia in Group 10 have a lower rank:
Marion Oaks 2 (ranked 113th) - A team Ropa-Topia met before at the Baptism of Fire prior to the previous World Cup, which resulted in a 4-0 and 1-0 win for Ropa-Topia.
Bushes Been Quaked (ranked 179th) - A team that was defeated by Backwardistan in the most recent Baptism of Fire. If Backwardistan can beat them, Bushes Been Quaked certainly shouldn't pose a problem for the Ropa-Topians either.
Lovisa (unranked) - An unranked team. Need we say more?
Then there are the opponents who are ranked higher, although there is one very interesting one:
Virginia Nova (ranked 70th) - The interesting one. This team withdrew from the World Cup, but they apparently are in Ropa-Topia's group. We are not quite sure what to make of this, but it will probably be cleared up before the matches begin.
Turori (ranked 56th) - They are ranked a bit higher than Ropa-Topia, and will probably defeat us.
Spaamanian Plijous (ranked 46th) - More defeat for Ropa-Topia, albeit a bit more likely due to the even higher rank.
Spruitland (ranked 32nd) - Probably going to end up as number 3 in Group 3, which will most likely be accomplished by defeating Ropa-Topia.
Oliverry (ranked 14th) - Definitely going to beat Ropa-Topia.
Fmjphoenix (ranked 8th) - Most likely to be the group winners. More losses ahead for Ropa-Topia, although they have 'phoenix' in the name and that is a good thing of course.
Coach Klungelaer has not yet found time to comment on the group draws, as he has been very busy with anger management classes, to make sure he doesn't attack any reporters when the team loses this time. And he sure is going to need that with this group.

The World Cup qualification rounds can of course also be followed online at the Sports Gazette's official World Cup xXxI website: http://sports.rta/gazette/worldcup/

Keyeeni:Welcome to SportsToday's WC31 preview I'm Keyeeni Jaboba

Pauloop: And I'm Pauloop DeCarr

K:Yes and we are here to preview the WC31

P:Yes, lets' get started with group 1. So Key who do you think will come out of this group

K: Obviuosly Starblaydia will but the other two are trickey, I think ASMV will stumble a bit and Quackmybush and Qazox will pass him up.

Here's what I have for my Finishing order

1.Starblaydia
2.Quackmybush
3.Qazox
---------DNQ------------
4.ASMV
5.Rordia
6.Raging penguins
7.Nikea
8.Spindomia
9.Eseck
10.Assegai Developments

Now with group 2 it's Paul

P: group 2, most likely our Group of death here.

Honestly Ithink we have 5 teams capable of WC caliber

but this how they will finish


1.Bedistan
2.Bazalonia
3.Nedalia
--------------DNQ---------
4.Errenundrea
5.Anathematic Republics
6.Backwardistan
7.Risa-Aramour
8.UIE
9.Reanimated States
10.Brownwick

Group three is your's Key


K: yes this is probably the second hardest group to get through,but I feel confident this is Reji's group to win. Also Watch for Az-Cz to do good.

1.Rejistania
2.Schiavonia
3.Az-Cz
--------------DNQ-------------
4.D2R
5.Tynelia
6.Green Wombat
7.Sel Appa
8.Nebulux
9.Algal States
10.Pablicosta

Paul you're turn for G4

P: yep Group four this is what we think is the weakist group in the whole WC
Krytenia should (no pun inteneded) Ace this group

1. Krytenia
2. Commerice Heights
3. Cataduanes
----------------DNQ-----------
4. Dorian And Sonya
5. Elves Security Forces
6. Sativaville
7. Demot
8. Devinsi
9. Ikeea
10. Dj8989

Key now it's you're turn to do G5

K:Yep Group 5 A relitivly weaker group with #4 Casri leading the pack and look out for Vuam and Isma.

1. Casari
2. Islands of Qutar
3. Vuam & Isma
-----------------DNQ------------
4. Northern Caesera
5. Mice of Miceland
6. Harelsburg
7. Okielahoma
8. Anastasiania
9. System Karela
10. Ancient Byzantine

Paul now we are into g6 the group TMK plays in what's you're predeictions

P: Well i think the top 3 of NMS,Bec,TadjikAre pretty set in Concrete so,it's most likely we will finish lower than 5th

1.Tadjikistan
2.NMS
3.Becquerelia
------------------DNQ-------------
4.Cuation
5.Haraki
6.One Red Dot
7.The Mushroom Kingship
8.Aurendia
9.Commerce Heights JSY
10.Adamica

and back to you for G7

K: group 7, this is the group with the smallest 1-2 gap so this group will be close

1. Arriddia
2. Jerusalem
3. Chaicanada
-------------DNQ-----------
4. Mag Val
5. The Maccabees
6. Greisenfreid
7. Kericia
8. Montegrande
9. Tryanny
10. Cyredel

G8 Pauloop.

P:Group 8 Liverpool and Bettia will dominate w/ heading towards Milchamia

1. Liverpool England
2. Bettia
3. Milchamia
-------------------DNQ-----------
4. Yafor 2
5. AIF
6. Lisburn mateys
7. Marceau
8. Delesa
9. Socialist Romanistan
10. Candy Rocks

Now on to G9 Key

K: yes group nino, the group which will be won by Squornshelous

1. Squorn
2. Archregemncy
3. Wentland
--------------DNQ-----------
4. Spaam
5. Iansisle
6. Rorysville
7. Tessan
8. Lord of Hosts
9. Funnia Lain
10. Tocapa


And Finally Paul Group 10

P: yes the final group the group were we think FMJ and Oli will Dominate


1.Olliverry
2.FMJPheonix
3.Turori
---------------DNQ------------
4.Spruitland
5.Spaamanian Plijous
6.Ropa-Topia
7.Lexington SC
8.Marion Oaks 2
9.Lovisa
10. BBQ

P: up next why the name Soccerking was chosen ahead of the 4 speices

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Another Preview? Isn't this getting old?

Can you believe that it really is World Cup time again? Neither can we but here we are for the (23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30) 9th time ready for a World Cup. With almost the exact team from World Cup 30 that went 13-0-1 in qualifying makes it look good for the Warriors despite that we're in a hard group where we are the third seed with a good underdog (Yafor 2) also in the group. Coach Jamie Smith said the group was, "Pretty easy, we should qualify but it will be tough to get there. I have a good feeling we can qualify. The main thing that needs to change though is this, we need to beat Liverpool England, the last time we played them in a World Cup match we lost 8-3 then last cup in between our great qualifying campaign we lost twice to them in a friendly series. If we cannot beat them or at least put up a good fight our games against lesser teams will be much harder and I don't want that to happen."

The major changes in the squad are Kelvin Joseph replacing Spot Nielson, who will compete as part of the B team in AOCAF, and Matt Bantin retiring leading to two new bench people. One of them being Tilar Flitty who is expected to fill the role of super sub that was filled by Bantin and Joseph in prior cups. Smith was happy with the new roster saying, "Nielson, with this his final time in international competition, wanted to be a guaranteed starter and play a leading role. I told him it would not be that way in the World Cup so he decided to go to the B team. He might play a game or two in the qualifiers but it seems unlikely. As for Bantin he decided to retire which was good for him but bad for us. Luckily Flitty was there to fill in and I hope he can keep us competitive."

Now for the infamous (Thank you TLC) Milchamian predictions:

[3] - Liverpool England- We have sucked against them. I mean it has been terrible, awful unbelievably bad. We don't have one win yet we have a lot of losses including an 8-3 shallacking in World Cup 27. Our record needs to improve against them fast and it probably won't thus two losses look to come our way.
[18] - Bettia- A great Takilan squad known as muslims and for their aversion to red. Which is excellent as we play in red uniforms and have our flag red. Also The National Stadium has a bunch of red seats. Which should unsettle them when they leave Verdena to our humble abode. This of course bodes well. What doesn't bode well is the fact that these guys have had actual World Cup success, unlike us. This means one win and probably one loss although we may get a draw away.
[25] - Milchama- That's us. After a historic winning streak (by our standards) of 20 some odd games we lost to Oliverry in the final qualifier. Unfortunately that standard of play carried over to the World Cup where only our draw against Bedistan was the highlight. But two awful games against Fmjphoenix and Archregimancy were more the norm. We want to get back to do better but first we need to get back.
[36] - Yafor 2- We called them the new Hypocria in World Cup 29 then they went out and qualified in World Cup 30, losing the somewhat embarassing monicker in the process. Now though they are our worst enemy, right on the edge of the top 32 but yet a fourth seed. Now they are looking to qualify over one of the top 3 most likely the third seed, us. Basically, we need to beat them, twice. Which we probably won't do meaning of course that we get 4 points if not 3.
[52] - Lisburn Mateys- The last time we faced them in competition, I'm pretty sure, but Milchamians are nutoriously terrible fact checkers, they were in their first world cup in the glorious World Cup 27. Since then they have moved up 150 places in the KPB ranks while we have moved up barely 15. Of course at 25 who cares we are still the favorites and likely to beat them. Which we should do, twice,
[59] - Marceau State- They seem to be connected to Rorysville but that doesn't matter because we can beat Rorysville, we can also beat them. They have not had much success in the World Cup at all and we feel like this will be an easier opponent. Two wins seem more likely.
[77] - Alasdair I Frosticus- For the first time since we've been involved there hasn't been some disaster/weird stunt/ other assorted thing happen to a AIF football team. Making this the first serious team they have fielded since World Cup 7. Of course they are in our group, bloody typical idiots. Anyway despite them having football players now they are still inexpierienced on the international stage and we should still be able to get a win or two.
[103] - Delesa- The new guys in AO. Don't know much about them on the inside although they seem to be against Stablaydia and farely new to this World Cup of ours. They did alright last time I think and we feel that they will be one of our easier opponents. This should mean two wins although some feel that they will be our low ranked upset team. Two wins or maybe two draws.
[189] - Candy Rocks- The most controversial team to be allowed into the World Cup because their media could not even post up a sign up. This of course bodes poorly for them in the actual World Cup and we can only hope that they can improve or at least find a way to bloody sign in. (Isn't the random bloody's great?) Anywho they should be fresh meat for the experirenced. Two wins the easy norm.
[210] - Socialist Romanistan- It's their second World Cup. We'll let that sink in a second.

Ok now that that has sunk in we'll tell you what they did last World Cup, they got one point. A grand total of one point and they are still ranked lower than 200 after that cup. This of course means they are an awful destined for a terrible second cup as well. Two wins are most definitely expected here, anything else would be a HUGE dissapointment.

Random World Cup notes:

Our favorite English Challenged competitor is back as Lovisa against enters the frey of the World Cup. Once known for being a good team that always got to the quarterfinals despite never talking at all or if at all in barely coherent sentences. Now they are back as an unranked which looks bad.

TLC finally qualified! As the hosts the qualification challenged Stars finally got over the hump which can only help them in future World Cups. We don't know what this means for the World Cup but its probably good.

The Group of Death is: a tie between Group 6 and 7. Both have 5 teams within the top 50. Thank god we just missed those groups. Group 9 also has 5 teams in the top 50 but with a cursed team like Wentland it doesn't feel like it has the prestige.

Raging Penguins Report:
The new team complete with two players (somehow) is now ranked number 51 and looks to do good in group one with number one ranked Starblaydia. They probably won't qualify but they could turn a few heads or more likely chop off a few heads.

New faces among Rouge-et-Noirs

It is a rejuvenated Ariddian team which is preparing to face the world in the thirty-first edition of the international football Cup. With many players having retired subsequent to World Cup 30, openings on the national team have given opportunities to new, talented players.

While familiar names such as Hanifah Kyaw (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw), Tadjou Senaya (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tadjou_Sheyi_Senaya) or Nam Hyok-Jun remain, others will be entering the world stage for the first time.

Two in particular have attracted some level of media attention. Xavier Xu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu) is 23 years old, and a non-professional player of significant skill. Wearing the number 22, he will be the team’s third goalkeeper, and as such is unlikely to be seen much. . . although coach Evgheny Melenciuc may choose to give him a chance in the limelight.

Xu is the first person to have benefited from the Errinundrian ubhashinim scholarship, having studied at the prestigious Errinundera Football Academy (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ellery_Camp#National_Football_Academy). In addition to being a talented goalkeeper, he is said to be excellent at penalty kicks. He is also a student of biology.

Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) is just 19, and is an Indigenous Ariddian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wymgani), who has spent almost his entire life so far in an Indigenous community deep within Ariddia’s pristine forests, far from the “modern” world. He has frequently appeared in public wearing nothing except patanja-leaf wrappers around his waist and thighs, his torso and arms painted in a traditional art form. He speaks only Wymgani, but of course that is enough to communicate with most of his team mates.

Sho’s talent is mainly as a defender, but the young player will be starting as a substitute, so it is also uncertain whether we will see much of him in this competition.

Both Xu and Sho have been described as potential future stars of Ariddian football, and many people will be waiting to see whether that potential is fulfilled.

Jeruselem “most dangerous opponent”

The PDSRA has been drawn in Group 7, which the media in Geisenfried are already dubbing the “Group of Death”. The Rouge-et-Noirs are top seeds at #10, but number 12 Jeruselem are far too close for comfort, promising interesting encounters between the two teams.

Ariddia has played Jeruselem three times, winning only once and losing twice, scoring three goals and conceding. . . ten. It is a record which the Rouge-et-Noirs are very keen to improve.

“It’s different now,” Melenciuc explained. “Both sides are very good, and we’re quite evenly matched. Those will be games to look forward to.”

Also in Group 7 is Chicanada, which Ariddia has faced four times. . . winning twice and losing only once. Most notably, Ariddians will recall an encounter in World Cup 9, during which the triumphant Rouge-et-Noirs scored six goals against their hapless and very irritated opponents.

“We will take every match seriously and treat all our opponents with respect,” Melenciuc stated. “There’s no such thing as an ‘easy’ game in football.”

Ariddia’s home games will take place in Stade National Rêvane-Sud, Wavecrest City Stadium, Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium, Darras Olympic Stadium, and, possibly, the Arctic National Stadium in the Ariddian Arctic Islands ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands). Also, a sixth international stadium will welcome several encounters: the brand new ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium), which was first used for a memorable friendly match against Errinundera.

Elven Times
Blasted Draw

Well it can't be said any other way, this was quite a tough draw for the Marauders. The team was expecting to be a 5th, possibly even a 4th seed if the cards fell right. Unfortunately for the squad, the cards fell horribly wrong and they end up a 6th seed and looking ahead at a very difficult group. The familar foes of Dorian and Sonya from the last CoH along with Krytenia, Commerce Heights, and Cataduanes all stand in the way of the Marauders chances of qualifying. Krytenia will likely prove the most difficult team to get a result with, having a supieror squad and rank compared to the rest of the team, and even just getting one point out of the two matches will be a blessing. Commerce Heights also will prove difficult challenge, but the growing expierence and maturity of the squad should allow the team to steal a win. Not much is known about Cataduanes, but they must be talented to have achieved the rank of 26th best in the world. Next up is Dorian and Sonya whom the Marauders had the pleasure of vieing with in Cup of Harmony 22. The team knows what to expect from the D&S side, and that should result in a likely 4 points from the two enounters. Sativaville is another one of those squads who the Marauders know little apart from being the same class as them, but expect a challenge from, with them having the higher rank and seed. Yet, with about the same amount of expierence in the World Cup, the advantage seems to pull for the Maruaders to take 4 or 6 points with a relative ease. Demot, the 4th Atlantian Oceania nation in the group, are old time rivals with the ESF, going back to their days in The Young World. Demot proved they were capable foes with a 4th place finish in the BoF before last Cup, and then a decent freshman effort, yet there is a good amount of reason to think that the slide that affected them in the CoH will continue in the qualifiers. Divensi and Ikeea are both fresh from the BoF, and should be easy picking for the Marauders, along with the rest of the group. Dj8989 rounds up the group, and should be six points for every other squad.

Group Predictions
(5) Krytenia
(21) Commerce Heights
(47) Dorian and Sonya
(64) Elves Security Forces
(57) Sativaville
(26) Cataduanes
(83) Demot
(122) Divensi
(192) Ikeea
(N/A) Dj8989

Friend Watch
Tyranny - Poor Tryanny gets placed in the "Group of Death" being in group 7. Likely finish is the bottom three for the debutants of the ESF' home region.

Assegai - Horrible luck getting draw into group 1 with the number one team in the world. Expect an 8th place finish at best for their regional rivals.

Haraki - Is reunited with with half of their World Cup 29 qualifying group, with Becquerelia and Cuation. Gut call says they miss the proper with a 4th place finish.

Cuation - Is reunited with with half of their World Cup 29 qualifying group, with Becquerelia and Haraki. Likely call here is a 5th or 6th place finish.

Becquerelia - Is reunited with with half of their World Cup 29 qualifying group, with Haraki and Cuation. The most commonly misspelled nation makes its' third straight appearance in the proper.

Article by Ron Santapa

The Miceland Mouser

Group Draw Shock!

The Mice of Miceland have not only overtaken our great friends the gnomes by the barest of margins but we have been drawn into one of the most interesting groups in the entire tournament, listed below are the teams in the group.

Group 5:
[ 4] - Casari
[17] - The Islands of Qutar
[34] - Northern Caesarea
[41] - Vuam and Isma
[58] - Harlesburg
[69] - System Karela
[72] - The Mice of Miceland
[101] - Anastasiania
[131] - Okielahoma
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Casari is expected to walk away with the group. The team's nickname is the Tiger's and they are expected to live up to their name with their aggressive style of play and dominating midfield. The Islands of Qutar is the only team on paper that could upset them but we all know the parable of the mouse and the Tiger, will the mice find and exploit the tiger's weakness? Only time will tell.

The Islands of Qutar, a team of Islanders just east of the continent of Verdana and west of Papriana. The Islands of Qutar sit by themselves in between. This may just be the reason why there are sitting currently at 17 they want to be number 1 and sit alone up there. We all know that 1 is a very lonely number.

Nothern Caesarea, a team that we have very little knowledge about despite being ranked 34th in the world, sitting on the outer edge of what we like to call the Mouse Factor Range(MFR). This starts with Nothern Caearea and goes all the way down to System Karela. What is the MFR? Simply put it is therange of teams that he Mice would be able to pull an upset off. This MFR is based on a number of factors including the rate of improvement in the team, the sheer amazing amount of luck and/abilities of the team and the great support the team gets from a wide range of sources.

Vuam and Isma, once thought to be part of the 3-by-3 convergence the Vuam and Isma team's growth has started to stagnate also a part of the MFR Vuam and Isma is expected to put up a poor showing for their ranking potentially even falling further behind. Vuam and Isma are expected to be easier to overcome than their ranking seems to denote but it would by no means be a guaranteed result.

Harlesburg, another team that has been stagnating and generally been falling down the ranks. This is a team that the Mice have an extrememly good chance of 'upsetting' and win against a team ranked higher than themselves. No one is exactly sure how much Harlesburg has been around but they are another one of the teams that just does not seem to improve while everyone else does.

System Karela, apparently somehow cousins of ours. After the break down of the Chamber the history of Miceland started become a real topic of interest. A startling claim was made that we where actually the lost Rejistanian tribe known as Anik. It was not long until many mice started to immerse themselves in Rejistanian and System Karelan culture. The current coach of the team had spent alot of time doing research in System Karela.So while we acknowlege the potential relationship with System Karela we are not going to take it easy on them just because we are family, somehow. System Karela is also the last and the easiest of the MFR.

After only 1 World Cup and Cup of Harmony the Mice are sitting proudly, ranked 72 on the table, having just overtaken the gnomes of Az-Cz in the ranking but only by the smallest of Margins Miceland is sitting pretty and is looking to break into the top 3 and qualify.

Anastasiania, a team we don't really know much about nor much is there to say. This should be a fairly easy win and we don't even need the MFR to do it.

Okielahoma, A recent BoF participant, the quality of this team and the other BoF participants where obviously much worse than the quality of our BoF, doubts arrise if even Backwardistan or Divensi would have made the Regional Quarter Finals. How do we know this? Obviously our reporters where their covering the BoF in Bazalonia. Okielahoma, an expected easy win for the team.

And finally, Ancient Byzantine, a team that has never appeared before in any sporting competition that we know or care about. Their complete lack of international experience should make this team from an ancient time quake in the shadow of a volcano. Even Okielahoma should make easy work of them.

Group Draws Announced

OSPN

Earlier today at WC headquarters in Vilita the group draws were announced, and OSPN bring them to you:

Group 1:
[ 1] - Starblaydia
[20] - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
[29] - Quakmybush
[45] - Qazox
[51] - Raging Penguins
[63] - Rordia
[84] - Spindomia
[90] - Nikea
[131] - Eseck
[N/A] - Assegai Developments

Group 2:
[2 ] - Bedistan
[19] - Nedalia
[33] - Bazalonia
[44] - Anathematic Republics
[53] - United Island Empires
[68] - Risa-Aramour
[85] - Errinundera
[114] - Backwardistan
[189] - Reanimated States
[204] - Brownwick

Group 3:
[ 9] - Rejistania
[16] - Schiavonia
[35] - Dance 2 Revolution
[40] - Tynelia
[55] - Green Wombat
[62] - Nebuleux
[73] - Az-cz
[92] - Sel Appa
[159] - Algal States
[N/A] - Pablicosta

Group 4:
[ 5] - Krytenia
[21] - Commerce Heights
[26] - Cataduanes
[47] - Dorian and Sonya
[57] - Sativaville
[64] - Elves Security Forces
[83] - Demot
[122] - Divensi
[192] - Ikeea
[N/A] - Dj8989

Group 5:
[ 4] - Casari
[17] - The Islands of Qutar
[34] - Northern Caesarea
[41] - Vuam and Isma
[58] - Harlesburg
[69] - System Karela
[72] - The Mice of Miceland
[101] - Anastasiania
[131] - Okielahoma
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Group 6:
[ 7] - Tadjikistan
[11] - New Montreal States
[30] - Becquerelia
[42] - Haraki
[48] - Cuation
[66] - One Red Dot
[76] - Aurendia
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship
[N/A] - Adamica

Group 7:
[10] - Ariddia
[12] - Jeruselem
[24] - Chicanada
[43] - Magnus Valerius
[49] - Geisenfried
[61] - Kericia
[79] - The Macabees
[112] - Montegrande
[204] - Cyredel
[N/A] - Tryanny

Group 8:
[ 3] - Liverpool England
[18] - Bettia
[25] - Milchama
[36] - Yafor 2
[52] - Lisburn Mateys
[59] - Marceau State
[77] - Alasdair I Frosticus
[103] - Delesa
[189] - Candy Rocks
[210] - Socialist Romanistan

Group 9:
[ 6] - Squornshelous
[22] - The Archregimancy
[28] - Spaam
[38] - Wentland
[50] - Rorysville
[60] - Iansisle
[82] - Tessan
[111] - Tocapa
[159] - Funnia Lan
[204] - Lord of Hosts

Group 10:
[ 8] - Fmjphoenix
[14] - Oliverry
[32] - Spruitland
[46] - Spaamanian Plijous
[56] - Turori
[70] - Virginia Nova
[87] - Ropa-Topia
[113] - Marion Oaks 2
[179] - Bushes Been Quaked
[N/A] - Lovisa

The Sooners were placed in group five with the following teams:

Group 5:
[ 4] - Casari
[17] - The Islands of Qutar
[34] - Northern Caesarea
[41] - Vuam and Isma
[58] - Harlesburg
[69] - System Karela
[72] - The Mice of Miceland
[101] - Anastasiania
[131] - Okielahoma
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Casari- Winners of WC 29, Casari and Milo the Cat should easily qualify for World Cup 31.

The Islands of Qutar- World Cup 30 hosts, Qutar should easily qualify along with Casari.

Northern Caesarea- A club with some good world cup sucess, they could challenge TIOQ and Casari for a place.

Vuama and Isma- Sleeper team, you heard it here second! VI are ranked right behind NC, so watch out!

Harlesburg- We think its their third world cup and they finished well (but not good enough) last qualifier.

System Karela- Anyone related to Rejistania is DANGEROUS. SK will bring their defence or nothing attitude to group 5 play.

The Mice of Miceland- Squeak squeak! Baptism of Fire 18 runner ups, the Mice play small and quick, and blow bye you with unbeleviable quickness.

Anastasiania- How do you spell that? A regional "freind" A... might be competetive, might not.

Ancient Byzantine- Who?

Predicted Finish;
1. Casari
2. The Islands of Qutar
3. Vuama and Isma
4. Northern Caesarea
5. System Karela
6. Harlesburg
7. The Mice of Miceland
8. Okielahoma
9. Anastasiania
10. Ancient Byzantine


You heard it here first:
Rejistania will make it 5 in World Cup 31!

Demot Daily ~ In the Rain

With the announcement of the recent world rankings and the group draws for the qualifiers, Demot does not look like it is going to have a promising few months ahead of it. The squad got the 7th seed in a tough Group Four, with only newcomers to the tournament in the lower seeds behind it. This will obviously be another tournament where the Dynamo will sufer growing pains on the international stage, but come out all the better none the less.

Krytenia
Recent hosts of the tournaments, they've made it to the quarters of the Proper the last two tournaments. They have the expierence and the talent to take the group with ease, and one would expect no less from the fifth ranked nation in the world.

Commerce Heights
A talented squad that shows signs of brilliance here and there, but can never get the full package together and make a serious run at capturing the title. However none of that matters in the qualifiers, as they should take another of the coveted qualifying spots.

Cataduanes
Who are these people? Really, we can't find anything on them. We know they have talent, or friends in the ranking deparment, for they have the 26th rank. So I guess we'll find out shortly who this mystery squad is.

Dorian and Sonya
Maybe the biggest underachieving team in the group, the Mystical Unicorns as they are called, should do well in the group. However was said for them during the Cup of Harmony, where they got ousted by severly weaker sides.

Sativaville
Another squad from the class of 29, the Sativaville squad is decent enough, however relatively unimpressive in the way they go about competeting. It might just be us, but we expect severe dissapointment from them.

Elves Security Forces
Our most known oppisition, dating back to when the two where in the same region together. We know the Marauders come to every match prepared and looking to take points. We know they are strong willed, and well coached. What we don't know is how they will handle success following their deep run in the Cup of Harmony.

Divensi
Fresh out of the BoF, this team is very dedicated to defence. Getting goals by this squad will be tough, but not impossible. Expect them to pull a few shockers.

Ikeea
Another squad out of the BoF, we expect them to fail miserably and often.

Dj8989
Who? Easy 6 points.


Group Predition
(5) Krytenia
(21) Commerce Heights
(64) Elves Security Forces
(47) Dorian and Sonya
(83) Demot
(26) Cataduanes
(57) Sativaville
(122) Divensi
(192) Ikeea
(N/A) Dj8989

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Aurora Evening News
“Bringing you all the news you’ve already read about online”

Raptors have a group, but no coaches!

THREE RIVERS – With the opening round of World Cup 31 qualifying just days away, the Aurendia Raptors have a new national rank, 76th, and a place in Group 6 for the qualifying round. What they do not have is a coaching staff. This development comes following the sudden resignation of former coaches Ed White and Danielle Schuster, responsible for a second-place finish in Baptism of Fire 18 and a knockout round berth in AOCAF XVI. Although no official reason has been given for the resignations, it is believed that both White and Schuster were unable to commit enough time away from their AFL clubs to handle another World Cup campaign. Whoever is tapped as a replacement will have quite a task in front of them, as Group 6 opponents include such strong sides as Tadjikistan, New Montreal States, Becquerelia, and Haraki.

QAZOXIAN TIMES

The World Cup 31 draw took place earlier today and Qazox has the bad luck being stuck with Starblaydia, the #1 team in the world. Also in the group are: ASMV, who have made big strides the last few years and are on the verge of greatness, Quakmybush, who shocked the world 8 years ago by qualifing on thier first attempt. Other teams in the group are: Raging Penguins a team we've faced before and don't wanna face ever again, and Rordia a once great team that has slipped a bit over the last decade or so. Spindomia, Nikea, Eseck and Assegai Developments all are teams we've heard of but not faced. Early betting line have Starblaydia 1-25 to win the group. Qazox is a 70-1 shot to win the group outright, but only a 15-1 shot to qualify. Tommorrow, We'll break down the group in full and giv our predictions.

"In the world of sports, the World Cup group draw was today-" the TV droned before Hill turned it off.

Back in the day, the start of a World Cup would be a time of hectic activity, threats, trying to find the money to fly the team wherever they had to go, and taking bribes. But it didn't really have much of a meaning going into cup number... six, seven? Somewhere in there? It didn't matter. What good did it do anyway?

For the first time in her life, the longtime Coach of the Casaran National team was trying to figure out what she was going to do one of these days after soccer. After all, the meaning of life had to be more than kicking a ball around a field. Even if by doing so you could make millions of dollars, earn lifelong admiration, a state funeral, and a personal bodyguard.

A personal bodyguard who knew kung-fu.

But besides that, her life still had little tangible meaning. With the secret projects department under the careful supervision of her underlings and the team in early practices under the head of Ruhlman, she really didn't need to be around.

Digging through her desk, she pulled out a sheet of paper from a drawer and began playing with a pencil. Some of those religious loons seemed happy with their own miserable lives, maybe there was something to that after all.

"Hey Robbie. What was the number for that Orthodox church over on the west side?"

"Why, you're not going to spend an hour on their front step ranting about how the Archregimancy is using the power of god to cheat their bloody asses off again, are you?"

"No, this is a personal salvation thing."

"Yeah, Right. Let me get the phone book. Are there any other people you're looking at to become your personal savior? Buddha? Shiva? George Best?"

"Wait, who's the last one?"

"That guy who was arrested for streaking in the cup final?"

"Ooooh, right. Naaaa, I don't feel the need to strip and run around today. The Krishna thing might be a good idea though."

"Naa, you look bad in Saffron."

"True. Anyway, just get the number to me at some point."

"You mean you're not looking into neo-paganism?"

Hill sighed and hung up. For a bodyguard, he sure couldn't shut his face.

We're Damn Near Hosed

Group of Death might see Paladins sidelined for first time since WC24

NEW MONTREAL - Not since our return to the world footballing stage have the prospects for NMS's advancement to Vilta or The Lowland Clans seemed so bleak and improbable. Staggering into qualifiers with a roster composed of equal parts green rookies and aged veterans, the Paladins will face their smackdown-layers Tadjikistan - back on top after looking up at the States for two or three cups - and a combination of Bequerelia, Haraki, Cuation and One Red Dot jostling for a trip to the big dance. With six strong teams and only three spots to go around, something has to give, and hopefully it won't be us. Let's take a look at the poderes que son:

[ 7] - Tadjikistan - AAAAGH MOMMIE I WANT MY BLANKIE!
[11] - New Montreal States <-------- lookit here, out of the top 10. Lucky we're still in the top thirty-two after that last cup.
[30] - Becquerelia - Strong team that we've probably beat down in the past. If that's the case, they'll be gunning for revenge, certainly.
[42] - Haraki - Now we DID beat these guys once or twice. And they probably stored that one away as well. These away matches could get pretty damn brutal.
[48] - Cuation - Never played these guys. They've been around the bend, though, same as us.
[66] - One Red Dot - AAAAGH MOMMIE I WANT MY BLANKIE! Wait, they're not the world power they once were. But they're getting back to that spot, one ass-kicking of higher-ranked team at a time.
[76] - Aurendia - They got to 76th without us noticing. We must be napping or drunk a bit too much these days.
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY - As opposed to Commerce Heights DECENT.
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship - Beam us up, Scotty,
[N/A] - Adamica - Our surprise upset pick to run the table. You heard it here first.

Rachel Kool:

"This is Rachel Kool, the official roving reporter for JGN at the World Cup XXXI. I'm at the World cup draw ceremony - yeah, it's weird we actually sent someone! We are happy - we avoided the biggest seeds including err Starblaydia. Now, who is our group? We are in Group 7, top seed is Ariddia - the 10th seed. Good team and a team sure to qualify - but Jeruselem are ranked 12th despite making the top 8 in the World Cup XXX. So I'm sure Dazza and the team along with the Ariddian team will qualify. Chicanada join us as 24th seed and we know all about them from the Women's World Cup. These teams are the top seeds in this group and will be ones to look for."

"You can be sure at least two of these teams will make it, and one of them will be Jeruselem. We won't do a Spaam."

<smiles>

"Now, who else will challenge? Magnus Valerius are here to show what they can do in the field. Ranked 43th - you can't dismiss them. Geisenfried are here too and well, can do good things but don't seem to make the qualifiers most of the time despite being ranked 49th. It's old friends Kericia but they have slipped down to 61st. They need a good showing as the top 5 here are in the top 50 and you need to do well beat teams like Jeruselem and Ariddia. Our kinsfolk The Macabees are back but they have slipped over time to 79th and we beat them all the time. Montegrande, Cyredel and Tryanny round out the group and expect them to fill the bottom 3."

"Well, we can't complain. A group with no Godzillas like Bedistan or Starblaydia. OK, maybe baby Godzillas like us and Ariddia but the team should be happy."

<stuff appears on TV>

Group 7:
[10] - Ariddia
[12] - Jeruselem
[24] - Chicanada
[43] - Magnus Valerius
[49] - Geisenfried
[61] - Kericia
[79] - The Macabees
[112] - Montegrande
[204] - Cyredel
[N/A] - Tryanny


<stuff appears on TV>

"Now, how are our training buddies Nedalia grouped? You know about the LIONS? The other Lions - the ones who beat Starblaydia to win World Cup XXX? Yeah them. Guess who's stuck with them? Yes, once again Nedalia and Bedistan are lumped in the same group. The two Lions are back together! It's like us and Yafor 2 in the Women's World Cup. Bazalonia join the fray! and are ranked 33th which is low compared with 2nd and 19th for two Lions. United Island Empires are here as 53th seed and are sure to shake things up once again and then we sink into the lower seeds. Risa-Aramour are going to be here as 68th seed and we don't know much about them. Errinundera turn up and are to have fun because we don't think they will qualify. Backwardistan, Reanimated States and Brownwick are all ranked below 100 and will be whipping boys or girls of this group. To me, the two Lions and Bazalonia are clear favourites."

Group 2:
[2 ] - Bedistan
[19] - Nedalia
[33] - Bazalonia
[44] - Anathematic Republics
[53] - United Island Empires
[68] - Risa-Aramour
[85] - Errinundera
[114] - Backwardistan
[189] - Reanimated States
[204] - Brownwick

"Yes, we are happy but the Nedalian Lions face the World Champs. Hey someone send me some Dazza jokes. Dazza is hosting THE FOOTBALL LIFE with Ricky Pointy Stick. Now, what a couple, eh? The soccer captain and the cyclist. The ex-cheerleader and the Kool Cat. Yes, it's going be fun. I'm the roving reporter and doing the special reports so I'm on the job. In fact, my first guest report is with the best Jeruselem soccer coach in the universe."

Harry Kool:
"Hi everyone. my wife is really biased as you can tell."

Rachel Kool:
"So Harry, happy with this group?"

Harry Kool:
"I would. My replacement Holly Cambridge would be too. You know, we could top this group like we did last time."

Rachel Kool:
"And the Nedalian lions?"

Harry Kool:
"Unlucky - they always seem to get together with Bedistan team. Don't know why"

Rachel Kool:
"That's it from me Rachel Kool. Please with THE FOOTBALL LIFE because it's the best time to be alive."

Harry Kool:
"Hey, some guy tried to stick his hand up your skirt"

Rachel Kool:
"Oh, it's wasn't you then."

The KaMaRi Update - News that matters!

In the last minute
Jenji Y has been announced coach of the Orange-Blues on the day the groups were announced. The former rejistanian striker explained that he did not expect to be chosen in the beginning, "but the more time passed, the more secure I became. I always was a person who succeeded in the last minutes." His tactical vision is hisisim in the original meaning: tactical versatility. He hopes the lasane's tactics will be less easy to adapt to by the opponents.

Old foes - new trouble
The Orange-Blues find theirselves in group 3 with some well known opponents. Sasi will comment on the teams for the Update:

Rejistania (Ranked 9th): This League side is expected to qualify and to finish first, basically 'jisuing every team on the way to this aim. For some reason, we expect many last minute wins.
Schiavonia (ranked 16th): This is the second League side (Of course League refers to the fact that the soccer associations and maybe the national governments as well decided to found a new region). They are expected to do well and qualify without any problems but the Orange-Blues.
Dance 2 Revolution (ranked 35th): Great past, no future. Will be happy if finishing 4th. However no one in the nation will care.
Tynelia (ranked 40th): They have a good chance to finish qualified since they receive a bit public support in their hme nation.
Green Wombat (ranked 55th): While their Wombat has used too much KDE, the nation is expected to battle with Dance2Revolution about the places behind those which count.
Nebuleux (ranked 62nd): This League side is not exactly expected to make the cow fly.
Az-cz (ranked 73rd): Gnomes are fat and written in C, or was that GNOME? Anyways: They are not expected to be found near the big green Q.
Sel Appa (ranked 92nd): Pretty few things are known about them. Might upset some higher-ranked teams.
Algal States (ranked 159th): I think they will not qualify this time.
Pablicosta (unranked): The menace from many FHWCs is back, but the glorious days are over. Will probably finish last.

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths, I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone."

"We're in Vilita today after the draw for World Cup 31 took place here last night, we're reviewing the whole stiuation from here and maybe even going to stick our necks on the line to predict a winner."

"At this stage? You must be crazy, Mike!"

"Quite. Well, we might as well get started. The group that Schiavonia were drawn into after what seemed like two weeks of the draw ceremony last night has some familiar and not-so familiar faces in it, so let's run through them."

"Let's do it!"

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/rejistania.jpg
Rejistania
World Ranking: 9
WC30: Group Stage

Mike: "Well, first up are those Orange-Blues from Rejistania, fresh from... uh, losing out at the group stage last time out."

"That was our group, wasn't it?"

"It was indeed, and the two sides with predominantly orange kits managed to draw their match, but a disasterous performance against TnUI in the group opener did for Rejistania, an outcome that proved somewhat of a disappointment."

"They shouldn't have any problems in this company, though. Should they?"

"Sloths aside, I think not. Schiavonia are somewhat of a problem team for their near neighbours, although relations between the two countries are currently at an all-time high as the founding nations of The League."

"Isn't this the Cup?"

"Our region, Fil."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/schiavonia.jpg
Schiavonia
World Ranking: 16
WC30: Second Round

Fil: "The greatest team in the world!"

"Well, maybe not, otherwise we would have won the cup, what with the home advantage and everything."

"Still, we got further last time than anyone else in this group."

"We did, thus making Schiavonia the highest ranked team not to have qualified for all of the last three cups. If only the proposed change in the way they do the rankings came into force now, then the Orange and Dark Red could have been in an even better position!"

"Still, not too much trouble getting through?"

"There shouldn't be, but slack performances against some of the teams in this group will be punished. We'll look at some of those as we go along."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/dance_2_revolution.jpg
Dance 2 Revolution
World Ranking: 35
WC30: DNQ (4th, Qualifying Group 14)

Mike: "Not quite the run out the Revolutionaries were looking for last time, they'll be hoping to put it right this time round."

"They'll be looking to, but the question is, will they?"

"Well, they're now the only team in the World Cup located in FIFA after the Rejis-vonia led move. They're not up with the times, living on being ranked number one back in the late teens of World Cups is no plan for success now we're at thirty-one."

"So that seems to be a "no", then."

"That's my view."

"You do know that they won the Cup of Harmony?"

"So second round shoo-ins, then? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"I'm only making a point..."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/east_timor.jpg
Tynelia
World Ranking: 40
WC30: DNQ (3rd, Qualifying Group 6)

Mike: "Although they didn't make it last time round, they put up a damned good fight, pushing Bettia all the way."

"You don't push Bettia all the way if you're no-hopers, do you?"

"Indeed you don't. The way I see this group going, Tynelia look a really good bet to finish in the top three."

"So even though they only reached the Quarter Finals of the Cup of Harmony and D2R won it, you say they're more likely to qualify?"

"Yeah."

"OK."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/green_wombat.jpg
Green wombat
World Ranking: 55
WC30: DNQ (5th, Qualifying Group 12)

Fil: "Fancy flag, this lot have got."

"Indeed. They are regionmates of eternal non-qualifiers Qazox, and will soon be better than the Holy Oxen without anybody actually realising it."

"In the context of this group, where do we see them?"

"In all likelihood, mid-table. However, expect them to make it tough for the more fancied sides in the group."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/france.jpg
Nebeleux
World Ranking: 62
WC30: DNQ (4th, Qualifying Group 13)

Mike: "Nebeleux, le neighbour de Schiavonia dans la region du Liege."

"You can't speak French properly, Mike."

"Well, I tried. Not one of the better nations in the League, never mind in the World. Have a few cups worth of experience under their belt, and should be battling with Green wombat for the mid-table positions."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/az-cz.jpg
Az-cz
World Ranking: 73
WC30: DNQ (5th, Qualifying Group 13)

Fil: "The only representative of Atlantian Oceania in this group, and they're seventh seeds. What a sucky region!"

"You are joking, of course there, Fil?"

"Of course I am! Not only are Az-cz one of the best up-and-coming football nations in the World, it also appears to be the new home of Spaaming. They'll report back on anything. Indeed, it is thought that the 24-hour news channel was invented in Az-cz."

"And their football team?"

"Ever improving. Last cup they beat the worse teams and lost to the better teams than themselves. This time, we fancy them to do a bit better against the two just above them and push on to the top half of this group at the very least."

"Nice to see you with a decent opimion for once, Fil."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/sel_appa.jpg
Sel Appa
World Ranking: 92
WC30: DNQ (7th, Qualifying Group 3)

Mike: "Sel Appa are another nation on the rise. Indeed, we'd consider them friends, would we not?"

"We consider everyone as friends, don't we?"

"Of course we do. Despite an awful run last time, things could easily pick up this time, and we'd hope that they too will be challenging for position with the likes of Nebuleux and Green wombat."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/canada--53.jpg
Algal States
World Ranking: 159
WC30: DNE

Mike: "And so, onto the teams with no chance. Algal States have been in the World Cup before, though they were rubbish back then. They didn't even make the 122 nations involved last time, so the regard with which they hold the competition is clear to see. Hopeless also rans who will be lucky to finish outside the bottom two."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/default.jpg
Pablicosta
World Ranking: Unranked
WC30: DNE

Mike: "And the same goes for Pablicosta, a nation who have made more comebacks than... well, anyone we can think of. They're unranked again, so unless we see some effort put in by their players, we'll probably see them play abysmally, finish in the bottom two, then disappear until World Cup 35, where they'll emerge unranked and do the same thing all over again."

"So does all of this mean we have a prediction of how the group will finish?"

"It means exactly that."

Group 3
1 Schiavonia
2 Rejistania
3 Tynelia
4 Dance 2 Revolution
5 Az-cz
6 Green Wombat
7 Sel Appa
8 Nebuleux
9 Pablicosta
10 Algal States

"Schiavonia at the top?"

"Yeah. You don't sound so sure."

"But Rejistania are the best team in the group by a fair old distance."

"They are, but our record against them is pretty impressive, and I'd like to think we could keep that up and pip them to the top of the group. We'd have done that in World Cup 26 if it wasn't for the strange method that the Unified Capitalizt States used as tie breakers."

"Well, don't get over-confident. They are two very different teams nowadays."

"Of course."

"Well, we'll be back with a review of all the other groups, as well as putting our necks on the line to predict the winners, after these short, long or shorter messages."

Announcement from the Errinundera Football Association

Following the announcement of the groups for the qualifying matches for World Cup 31 the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) has decided that the following grounds will be used for the home games. We now await the draw so that the dates for the matches can be set.

Football Grounds (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds)

The Amphitheatre (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_Amphitheatre)
Location: Big Tree Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Big_Tree_Camp#Media.)
Capacity: 20,000
Oponents: Brownwick

The B.C.G (Bonang Cricket Ground) (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_B.C.G._.28Bonang_Cricket_Ground.29)
Location: Bonang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang)
Capacity: 101,000
Opponent: Bedistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bedistan)

The B Triple R (Bemm River Recreation Reserve) (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_B_Triple_R_.28Bemm_River_Recreation_Reserve.29)
Location: Bemm River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bemm_River)
Capacity: 35,000
Opponents: Reanimated States

The Cavern (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_Cavern)
Location: Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery)
Capacity: 52,000
Opponent: Anathematic Republics

Flatlands Biodome (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Flatlands_Biodome)
Location: Waratah Flat (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Waratah_Flat)
Capacity: 36,000
Opponents: Backwardistan (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Backwardistan)

Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Frosty_Hollow)
Location: Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break)
Capacity: 45,000
Opponents: United Island Empires (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/United_Island_Empires)

Liberation Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Liberation_Stadium)
Location: McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge)
Capacity: 83,000
Opponent: Nedalia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Nedalia)

Milosis Coliseum (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Milosis_Coliseum)
Location: McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge)
Capacity: 41,000
Opponets: Risa-Aramour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Risa-Aramour)

National Downfall Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#National_Downfall_Stadium)
Location: First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls)
Capacity: 64,000
Opponent: Bazalonia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bazalonia)

More details about the squad and team colours can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11782283&postcount=10).

((Ooc- thankfully Vilita got this set up for me. i haven;t been able to log in the forums under any of my nations/get tessan restored/ or get any confirmation emails for new accounts for days now so i can post. so yes tessan is technically deleted atm but i'm trying to get it restored in case anyone is wondering))



“Hello everyone and welcome to the pre-WC 31 Tynelian Soccer Weekly preview show. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee as the results of the draw are in and some familiar faces are with us this time around.”

“Yes Mike, our old Baptism of Fire class is represented here by both the Green Wombats and the Algal States. The last CoH is also well represented with the eventual winners Dance 2 Revolution in our group though thanks to the Raging Penguins we never played either of them. The rest of the group is fairly familiar with the up and coming Az-cz squad being the most likely to surprise people I think but Nebuleux and Sel Appa have played well at times too. The only unknown is Pablicosta who we have to watch out for in case they pull a Quakmybush.”

“And you forget the top seed, 9th ranked Rejistania who recently have moved away from their legendary defensive system karela for a more balanced attack. Some old timers from Rejistania might actually enjoy watching their match with us as Tynelia is the most defensive squad in the group. And second seed Schiavonia is no slouch either at 16th.”

“I think it’s a good group for us though Mike. We’re almost on equal rank with the third seed D2R despite their CoH win and so they should be the team we need to beat out. The Wombats have been up and down in WC play so we should get the advantage there.”

“What is a bit more surprising is the fact that it seems some of the foreign press is finally beginning to appreciate Tynelia’s improvement under Coach Billington. While some like the gnomes of Az-cz to surprise people and qualify some of the veteran press corps are giving Tynelia a solid chance of qualifying for the first time ever. It seems many feel that despite the CoH win that D2R is a shadow of their former days of being a soccer power while Tynelia is moving in the other direction. We can certainly hope that’s the case right Dana?”

“Yes we can Mike. If for no other reason do you really want to see a 42 year old Jay Masterson trying to keep up with people half his age as he refuses to retire until the team qualifies.”

“Yes, that would be pretty bad wouldn’t it. But ok Dana, time to make your picks.”

“OK Mike, lets start at the top. Rejistania should easily make it in as either the first or second team from the group. However, after facing Starblaydia last Cup and nearly pulling off a draw I don’t think the team really fears anyone any more. Given the balanced playstyle they have I think we might be able to steal a draw in one of our matches with them.

“As for Schiavonia, they represent the strongest attack we’re facing though not quite as all out as Bettia’s attack. It will be a tough challenge for Jim Michaels to keep the scores close here. I think this is actually a more likely squad to sweep us than Rejistania and I think they may very well end up at the top of the group.

“D2R, if they play like they did in the CoH it will be tough for us to get by them. Their style hasn’t been revealed as yet either in the hopes of keeping people guessing or because no one has bothered to report it to the press yet. If they stumble then I think Tynelia can get by them and take third. I’ll be brave and go along with the consensus of the more veteran journalists and say they finish fourth here.

“As for us, I think we have a better chance to steal some points against the top seeds than in WC30 and that should be enough to edge D2R for third.

“The Wombats are tough to figure, but they always play us tough going back to our first BoF meetings where they knocked us out in the quarter-finals there. But I think they’ll finish sixth as I feel the gnomes will finish above their seed in the group.

“Nebuleux I don’t really recall much about but they look on paper to be a team you can’t overlook or they’ll ambush you. But with that in mind I see them dropping off and finishing seventh.

“Az-cz is going to be a power in this sport very quickly. More quickly than our progress I have to say. I think they’ll hop over the two teams ahead of them and take 5th place in the group. A definite trap game for us that we could find ourselves on the losing end of if we’re not careful.

“Sel Appa had a disappointing first Cup last time out and no doubt hopes do improve on that finish this time around. I think the teams ahead of them are too strong though and they’ll hang around at the bottom of the middle pack at 8th.

“The Algal States have missed a few Cups since their BoF run with us. The last time we faced them, they ended our three match winning streak against them. However they’ve slipped up of late and might not even beat a returning Pablicosta team, who haven’t been seen since we’ve been in the Cup but veteran nations claim have participated in the past. I think the state of the Algals will continue to decline and I think they finish last well behind the other eight teams.

“Finally Pablicosta as I said before, long ago WCers returning at last. I think they can surprise the Algal States for 9th but will also be a ways behind the top eight.”

“OK then Dana, I guess that’s everyone. Hopefully your prediction for Tynelia’s chances are right on and we make our first ever World Cup proper. But to find out you’ll just have to follow Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s live coverage of the group stage of World Cup 31. And we’ll be here right after to keep you up to date on everything that happens in our quest. Until then I’m Mike McPhee for Dana Lee and Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

"The world cup would be a great way to thrust our business into the world, we have already started to claim the entire sanitation market for The League and this would be a great way to build our nation."

"So what are you saying, we should try and sponsor the World Cup."

"Yeah why not? and it would propel our business in many nations around the world and get us linked with such a famous sporting event in markets we already are involved in. It can only be good for us."

"Yes, but push our environmentally friendly angle. The nations will just lap it up."

"Hmmm, interesting we care more about the environment of our customers then our own."

"Oh, be quiet and get your job or you will find yourself buried in the dump."

.....



To: ViLC WC 31 Organising Committee
From: Robert Jones; Chief Marketing Officer, The Garbage Men

Football tournaments are places that can be messy, very messy indeed, for a fee that is to be negotiated with our Promotion department. We have a proposal that I believe will provide a win-win situation. The ViLC organised and run World Cup, World Cup 31 will be the cleanest in history. As we will avail the comprehensive services of The Garbage Men sanitation department to all World Cup events. In response to setting up Depots, with the diplomatic status of an embassy in Vilita, Turori and exclusive sanitation marketing rights on all affiliated TV, Radio and Print media outlets.

To follow up on this offer please get in contact with our Chief Promotions Manager, Mr Archibald Rosenthorpe. Thank you

Az-cz Scroll
Vilita
Il-Lur

A look at the draw for WC31

Here is a look at the draw for World Cup 31 group by group. We'll start with our group and work are way through them all.

[ 9] - Rejistania
[16] - Schiavonia
[35] - Dance 2 Revolution
[40] - Tynelia
[55] - Green Wombat
[62] - Nebuleux
[73] - Az-cz
[92] - Sel Appa
[159] - Algal States
[N/A] - Pablicosta

Clearly the main two teams in our group and Rejistania and Schiavonia. Rejistania can make a claim as the best football nation ever, with four titles and Schiavonia was a host the last time around and advanced quite far. D2R looks to improve on a fine host showing in the Cup of Harmony, taking home the title. Tynelia and Green Wombat both put up slightly better performances than us in the Cup of Harmony. Nebuleux is the one opponent in the group we've faced before. We lost to them twice last qualifying, but expect to do much better this time around. The three teams ranked below us are Sel Appa, Algal States and Pablicosta. All three have some world cup experience, but the only one we have any reason to fear is Sel Appa. Although they just missed the deadline for our Baptism of Fire they made a good impression on their first foray into international football and look to progress further. Here is our final impression on how the group will turn out:

1. Rejistania
2. Dance 2 Revolution
3. Schiavonia
4. Tynelia
5. Az-cz
6. Green Wombat
7. Sel Appa
8. Nebuleux
9. Algal States
10. Pablicosta

We'd like to predict Az-cz qualification, but we still don't think the team is there yet. Still, with the two new coaches we expect to see major progress from this team and be much more dangerous come world cup 32, when Az-cz will have their sights much more firmly set on qualification.

Now let's look at the groups two of our closest friends, Bazalonia and Miceland. Let's start with Bazalonia in group 2.

Here are the teams there:


[2 ] - Bedistan
[19] - Nedalia
[33] - Bazalonia
[44] - Anathematic Republics
[53] - United Island Empires
[68] - Risa-Aramour
[85] - Errinundera
[114] - Backwardistan
[189] - Reanimated States
[204] - Brownwick

They've got three teams we saw the last time around including the defending champions. Bedistan will once again be tough to crack, but if we could find chinks in the Nedalia armor in our first time out Bazalonia ought to be able to do better. Anathematic Republics was very up and down last time and they can be expected to struggle. Errinundera could be dangerous from the back, but I think Bazalonia has a very manageable draw. Backwardistan won the BoF but it was not against a strong field.

The predictions:

1. Bedistan
2. Bazalonia
3. Nedalia
4. United Island Empires
5. Errinundera
6. Risa-Aramour
7. Anathematic Republics
8. Backwardistan
9. Brownwick
10. Reanimated States

As for Miceland, they've just moved past us in the rankings and earned a group that by the rankings ought to be easier than ours.


[ 4] - Casari
[17] - The Islands of Qutar
[34] - Northern Caesarea
[41] - Vuam and Isma
[58] - Harlesburg
[69] - System Karela
[72] - The Mice of Miceland
[101] - Anastasiania
[131] - Okielahoma
[N/A] - Ancient Byzantine

Casari is still only one cup removed from the championship and is clearly the power of the group. Qutar is a strong second but from there the group weakens. The next three teams are all solid, but none of them seem to be sides that are improving, which works to the Mice's advantage. System Karela could cause problems with their defense. And the bottom three teams much like ours should be ok for Miceland.

Predictions:

1. Casari
2. Qutar
3. Miceland
4. Vuam and Isama
5. Harelsburg
6. Northern Caesarea
7. System Karela
8. Okielahoma
9. Anastasiania
10. Ancient Byzantine

Now another group of interest to Az-cz fans, the one containing world rank #1, and home of our other coach, Starblaydia.

Clearly the purple rawrcrush would be the highlight of any group, there's being group 1.

Here are the teams:


[ 1] - Starblaydia
[20] - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
[29] - Quakmybush
[45] - Qazox
[51] - Raging Penguins
[63] - Rordia
[84] - Spindomia
[90] - Nikea
[131] - Eseck
[N/A] - Assegai Developments

This is a very interesting side. Starblaydia ought to run away with it, but after that it gets interesting. ASMV looks to be quite strong and should be ok. The flukes of Quakmybush, the consistently strong side of Qazox and the crazies of Ragin Penguins are the other teams of note in the group. We think that Qazox will break down the door and get into the world cup proper.

Predictions:

1. Starblaydia
2. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
3. Qazox
4. Raging Penguins
5. Quakmybush
6. Rordia
7. Nikea
8. Spindomia
9. Eseck
10. Assegai Developments

Now lets look at group 10, which contains the partners of the hosts, Turori.

[ 8] - Fmjphoenix
[14] - Oliverry
[32] - Spruitland
[46] - Spaamanian Plijous
[56] - Turori
[70] - Virginia Nova
[87] - Ropa-Topia
[113] - Marion Oaks 2
[179] - Bushes Been Quaked
[N/A] - Lovisa

Turori has a hard road ahead of them to get to the world cup being held nearby. Fmjphoenix and Oliverry are both strong strong nations, as their rankings show. Spruitland is a bit unlucky for their ranking to have slipped to where it is and probably should be considered better than their ranking. Plijous eliminated us from the Cup of Harmony. They have talent, but their entire starting 11 getting murdered in that cup is a big setback, but might provide a big rallying cry. They do get a bit of a break with Virginia Nova being taken out for a slightly weaker Lexington SC team. Ropa-Topia has some potential but the bottom half is much weaker than the top.

Predictions:

1. Fmjphoenix
2. Oliverry
3. Spruitland
4. Turori
5. Spaamian Plijous
6. Ropa-Topia
7. Lexington SC
8. Bushes Been Quaked
9. Marion Oaks 2
10. Lovisa

Group 8, houses another nation friendly with Az-cz, Milchama. One of the strongest kleptochase nations they had a wonderful qualifying run that fell apart in the finals.

Here are their opponents:

Group 8:
[ 3] - Liverpool England
[18] - Bettia
[25] - Milchama
[36] - Yafor 2
[52] - Lisburn Mateys
[59] - Marceau State
[77] - Alasdair I Frosticus
[103] - Delesa
[189] - Candy Rocks
[210] - Socialist Romanistan

Liverpool England is once again the star of the group and Bettia is a strong team, only two tournaments removed from being AOCAF champions. Yafor 2, Lisburn Mateys, Marceau State, Alasdair I Frosticus and even Delesa could be difficult for them. Alasdair I Frosticus is fielding a real team this time, which should help their cause greatly. Milchama has a tough group, but I think they'll find their way back to the finals none the less.

Predictions:

1. Liverpool England
2. Milchama
3. Bettia
4. Yafor 2
5. Lisburn Mateys
6. Alasdair I Frosticus
7. Delesa
8. Marceau State
9. Socialist Romanistan
10. Candy Rocks

Group 6 sees the runner up to us in our Baptism of Fire. Another country Az-czzers will be pulling for, they are in one of the two proverbial Groups of Death.

Group 6:
[ 7] - Tadjikistan
[11] - New Montreal States
[30] - Becquerelia
[42] - Haraki
[48] - Cuation
[66] - One Red Dot
[76] - Aurendia
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship
[N/A] - Adamica

Tadjikstan and New Montreal States ought to be heads and shoulders above the rest of the teams. Any of the next five teams could qualify and The Mushroom Kingship might make some noise from the back. Expect Aurendia to challenge the teams above them, but not enough to pass them.

1. Tadjikstan
2. New Montreal States
3. Cuation
4. Haraki
5. Becquerelia
6. Aurendia
7. One Red Dot
8. The Mushroom Kingship
9. Commerce Height JSY
10. Adamica

The other so called group of death is group 7, although we don't believe it to be as difficult as group 6.

[10] - Ariddia
[12] - Jeruselem
[24] - Chicanada
[43] - Magnus Valerius
[49] - Geisenfried
[61] - Kericia
[79] - The Macabees
[112] - Montegrande
[204] - Cyredel
[N/A] - Tryanny

Ariddia and Jeruselem are near equals and should be able to advance to the top two spots pretty easily. We think Chicanada will be untested by the rest. If a team does come up we expect it to be Geisenfried. Magnus Valerius is a strong team, but struggled in the Cup of Harmony and one wonders if they can right the ship. Kericia or The Macabees could steal some games, but one doubts their ability to climb into the race for the finals. The other three are just toast.

Predictions:

1. Ariddia
2. Jeruselem
3. Chicanada
4. Geisenfried
5. Magnus Valerius
6. The Macabees
7. Kericia
8. Montegrande
9. Tyranny
10. Cyredel

Group four contains Elves Security Forces. They had a nice run in the Cup of Harmony, finishing second and vaulted their ranking back ahead of ours. Although we were disappointed to be passed we respect ESF and will be cheering for them as if they were an AO nation.

[ 5] - Krytenia
[21] - Commerce Heights
[26] - Cataduanes
[47] - Dorian and Sonya
[57] - Sativaville
[64] - Elves Security Forces
[83] - Demot
[122] - Divensi
[192] - Ikeea
[N/A] - Dj8989

We will also be pulling for Dorian and Sonya, another team in our qualifying group and Demot. While ESF and Dorian and Sonya can make moves up, Demot looks to have trouble. Krytenia should handle the top of the group. Commerce Heights and Cataduanes should do the same, but we think Dorian & Sonya are ready to make their move. Elves Security Forces will battle hard, but like us are probably best served by focusing on world cup 32.

Predictions:

1. Krytenia
2. Dorian & Sonya
3. Commerce Heights
4. Cataduanes
5. Elves Security Forces
6. Satiaville
7. Demot
8. Divensi
9. Ikeea
10. Dj8989

And the last group contains the monks of Archregimancy. Although we disagree with their religion they seem nice enough and the book they gave us was beautiful. Will they qualify again or earn some more soul-strengthening suffering.

[ 6] - Squornshelous
[22] - The Archregimancy
[28] - Spaam
[38] - Wentland
[50] - Rorysville
[60] - Iansisle
[82] - Tessan
[111] - Tocapa
[159] - Funnia Lan
[204] - Lord of Hosts

A look at that list of teams indicates it could go either way. Squornshelous ought to earn the top spot, and we think Spaam will over take the Archregimancy for the second spot. The question then becomes can they hold off Wentland. Unfortunately for the monks, we don't see it happening. Expect Wentland to just slip by them at the end of the round. Rorysville and Ianisle will play an important role as the teams they take points off of will be in trouble. Tessan and Tocapa are not to be ignored as they could do damage if they are not respected. Look for Funnia Lan to improve and play better than their rank, but struggle to move up, none the less. Don't expect anything out of the Lord of Hosts.

Predictions:

1. Squornshelous
2. Spaam
3. Wentland
4. The Archregimancy
5. Ianisle
6. Roryville
7. Tocapa
8. Tessan
9. Funnia Lan
10. Lord of Hosts

So there you have it. As a special bonus we're going to provide you with a list of who we think the final four woul be if Starblaydia, Bedistan and Liverpool England we're all forced out of the tournament. We don't expect that to happen, but it wouldn't be very interesting to give you that list again. So here are the picks:

Semifinal 1: Vilita v Rejistania - Rejistania wins
Semifinal 2: Milchama v Oliverry - Oliverry wins
3PPO: Vilita v Milchama - Milchama wins (just like in Kleptochase)
Finals: Rejistania v Oliverry - Oliverry wins.

There you have it. One very early subject to change prediction says Oliverry just denies Rejistania a fifth championship.

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/bsd-online.png

The World Cup is back again!
But will we be the best of the big Bs?

ALIKKI-CORRA, Vilita -- Much to this reporter's relief, the group draw for World Cup 31 was held in Vilita and not in the Lowland Clans, where, for those of you who haven't been paying attention, there's a bit of a war going on. The defending champion and world #2 seed Bedistan Lions were placed, appropriately enough, in Group 2 along with several familiar names:

[ 2] - Bedistan
[ 19] - Nedalia
[ 33] - Bazalonia
[ 44] - Anathematic Republics
[ 53] - United Island Empires
[ 68] - Risa-Aramour
[ 85] - Errinundera
[114] - Backwardistan
[189] - Reanimated States
[204] - Brownwick

And, as we and every other media outlet are obligated to do prior to the competition's commencement, we now present an analysis of the contents of said group:

#204 Brownwick
#189 Reanimated States
We've never heard of either of these nations. Twelve points to our name already, pretty much.

#114 Backwardistan
These guys, on the other hand, are the Baptism of Fire champions. And we think, like most nations that start with "B" and end with "-distan", these guys are destined for greatness. Watch out for potential upsets here.

#85 Errinundera
Now there's a familiar name. We've played Errinundera three times and haven't won a single match - but these matches were all quite a long time ago. The Errinundrians are generally known as a fun-loving and enthusiastic people, and this generally shows in their style of play as well. Still on the rise after a long bout of inactivity on the world stage, this is another team that could pose a problem if the Lions aren't up to par on matchday.

#68 Risa-Aramour
We've heard of the name, but that's about it. They're one of those teams pretty much destined for mid-rank obscurity.

#53 United Island Empires
See Risa-Aramour, though I think we've at least played these guys before.

#44 Anathematic Republics
We've been seeing the minions of Satan in our groups a lot lately. They were showing promise for a while, but now it looks like they too are falling into a bout of mid-rank obscurity syndrome.

#33 Bazalonia
And now bring on the AO brigade! The kings of funny city names seem to us like a good bet to finish in the top three and make the trip northward to either Vilita or TLC for the big dance.

#19 Nedalia
In a group with two packs of Lions, only one can reign dominant. Last cup, it was us. But will our Nedalian neighbors exact revenge? You can bet they'll be looking for it after the 5-0 trashing they received at our hands (paws?) in World Cup 30 qualifying. But either way, they'll certainly qualify.

#2 Bedistan
To be honest, our team needs no introduction, so we'll just let them speak for themselves.


We see few surprises in this group in terms of overall finishing positions - look for the top three to be Bedistan, Nedalia, and Bazalonia, in that order, though Errinundera will try their damnedest and we think they'll pull off fourth place, with the Anathematic Republics and Backwardistan battling it out for fifth.

As for the other groups, we'll be brief:

Group 1: Starblaydia, Quakmybush, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Group 3: Rejistania, Schiavonia, Dance 2 Revolution
Group 4: Krytenia, Commerce Heights, Dorian and Sonya
Group 5: Casari, The Islands of Qutar, Vuam and Isma
Group 6: Tadjikistan, New Montreal States, Becquerelia
Group 7: Jeruselem, Ariddia, Chicanada
Group 8: Liverpool England, Bettia, Milchama
Group 9: Squornshelous, Spaam, The Archregimancy
Group 10: Oliverry, Fmjphoenix, Spruitland

Second Round
Oliverry over Krytenia
New Montreal States over Bedistan
Jeruselem over Becquerelia
Tadjikistan over Squornshelous
Starblaydia over Casari
Ariddia over Commerce Heights
Fmjphoenix over Schiavonia
Liverpool England over Rejistania

Quarterfinals
New Montreal States over Oliverry
Jeruselem over Tadjikistan
Starblaydia over Ariddia
Liverpool England over Fmjphoenix

Semifinals
Jeruselem over New Montreal States
Starblaydia over Liverpool England

3rd Place Playoff
Liverpool England over New Montreal States

Final (you heard it here first)
Jeruselem over Starblaydia

Yes, that's right, we predict the ultimate glory for Jeruselem (and perhaps even more shocking, us not even reaching the quarterfinals!). So there you have it.

The Daily Quak
Quakmybush's Longest Running Newspaper
Official World Cup XXXI ViLC Preview

The group draws for the 31st World Cup were held yesterday. The Quakmybush squad was placed into Group One along with, rankings in brackets, (1) Starblaydia, (20) Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, (45) Qazox, (51) Raging Penguins, (63) Rordia, (84) Spindomia, (90) Nikea, (131) Eseck, and (UR) Assegai Developments. This is not one of the toughest qualifying groups, nor one of the easiest. Let's have a look at the teams.

Starblaydia: World Number 1, not really much else to say, a tie would be lovely from these guys. We have played them once before in World Cup 29, they delivered us an ass kicking with a 3-0 win. Expectations: Two closely fought loses, and maybe a draw if some bounces go our way

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega: World Number 20, fellow AO nation, nothing bad to say about these guys, hope they qualify along with us. We have played them once before, in World Cup 29, they spanked us 3-0. Expectations: At least points in both games. Hopefully one win.

Quakmybush: World Number 29, not bad eh?

Qazox: World Number 45, a nation that has been struggling to get into a world cup proper, we have never played them before. Expectations: Hopefully 2 wins,

Raging Penguins: World Number 51, how this happened we are not sure, they are a group of homicidal penguins, enough said. We have never played them before. Expectations: 2 Wins

Rordia: World Number 63, not much we know about this team. We have played them two times, we defeated them 2-1, and 3-0. Expectations: 2 wins

Spindomia: World Number 84, we know nothing about this team, have stayed around the same place in the rankings for a while. Never played them before. Expectations: 2 easy wins.

Nikea: World Number 90, very little is known about this nation. We have never played them before. Expectations: 2 more wins.

Eseck: World Number 131, this is their second World Cup if we are not mistaken. We have never played them before. Expectations: 6 points.

Assegai Developments: Unranked, first World Cup, were not entered in Baptism of Fire. Obviously we have never played them before: Expectations: Back-ups play and win.

Our Final Group Order

Starblaydia
Quakmybush
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Raging Penguins
Qazox
Rordia
Nikea
Spindomia
Assegai Develpments
Eseck

Players to watch on the Sharks: Jon Fields (Midfielder): He is by far the best player on the Quakmybushian Team, he will most likely be the top scorer, and his performance will have a direct correlation on how the team does. Cory Sorley (Forward): The best forward on the team, he will have to help Sorley in the one-two punch of goal scoring. Greg Hughes (Defender/Coach): Hughes will try to make it 3 for 3 in qualifying for the tournament, he will help his own cause with his great defending skills. Cam Carroll (Keeper): The most important player on the team, he will need to play like he always does, spectacular, for the team to do well.

Qualifying Predictions For Each Group.

Group 1
Starblaydia
Quakmybush
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Group 2
Bedistan
Bazalonia
Nedalia

Group 3
Rejistania
Schiavonia
Dance 2 Revolution

Group 4
Krytenia
Cataduanes
Commerce Heights

Group 5
Casari
The Islands of Qutar
System Karela

Group 6
Tadjikistan
New Montreal States
Cuation

Group 7
Ariddia
Jeruselem
Chicanada

Group 8
Liverpool England
Milchama
Bettia

Group 9
Squornshelous
Spaam
The Archregimancy

Group 10
Fmjphoenix
Oliverry
Spruitland

Eventual Champs - Krytenia

WC31 finals predictions

Making it


1.Starblaydia
2.Quackmybush
3.Qazox
1.Bedistan
2.Bazalonia
3.Nedalia
1.Rejistania
2.Schiavonia
3.Az-Cz
1. Krytenia
2. Commerice Heights
3. Cataduanes
1. Casari
2. Islands of Qutar
3. Vuam & Isma
1.Tadjikistan
2.NMS
3.Becquerelia
1. Arriddia
2. Jerusalem
3. Chaicanada
1. Liverpool England
2. Bettia
3. Milchamia
1. Squorn
2. Archregemncy
3. Wentland
1.Olliverry
2.FMJPheonix
3.Turori

Ro16

Star over Bettia
Squorn over Oliverry
NMS over Ariddia
Villita over Casari
Bedistan over Krytenia
Rejistania over QMB
Schiavonia over Qazox
FMJPheonix over Archregemency


Ro8

Star over Squorn
NMS over Villita
Rejistania Over Bedistan
FMJ over Schia

Star over NMS
Rejis over FMJ

1st place

Starblaydia 2-0 Rejistania

3rd Place

NMS 4-0 FMJ pheonix

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA REFUSE TO COMMENT ON DRAW
Rejistanian Heretic Complaints Dismissed as 'Irrelevant Raving'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy today refused to release any official comment on the recently revealed qualifying draw for World Cup 31. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, the last thing the World Cup needs is yet another tiresome listing of details we all already know about the better-known heretics, and a tiresome listing of what we don't know about the lesser-known heretics" said a senior archimandrite speaking on condition of anonymity.

Sources close to the MFA are nonetheless believed to be 'intrigued' to have been drawn into a group featuring the Waffles of Spaam, the Wentlanders who participated so memorably in the recent Dream Bubble Cup of Harmony, and the forces of Tessan whose defeat was so memorably commemorated a couple of world cups ago. Coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable was said to be treating all of the teams with caution, noting that irrespective of their status as heretical blaspheming sinners, they were worthy of respect on the field of play.

The MFA was also said to be 'unconcerned' about claims from bottom seeds 'The Lord of Hosts' to be direct representatives of YHWH, referring to the 204th-ranked team as 'delusional'.

Meanwhile, sources close to the Holy Synod are said to have dismissed statements from an obscure sect of Rejistanian schismatics claiming to be 'hurt' at being called heretics. "I mean really" said a senior Metropolitan, speaking on condition of anonymity "none of us have any idea what they're going on about anyway. Listen to this.... 'those who are of pure hearts, do not hinder them to come to the Aleteka, do not behave as if they are of lower simu. Their hearts are still in the state of heh~seme, their minds still are unencumbered from the lies and tricks of those who were exposed to the impure too long without finding God.' Aleteka? Simu? Heh~seme? Does any of that make sense to you? It's the irrelevant raving of the Demon-possessed, if you ask me. That's a non-binding non-Ecumenical opinion, by the way.'

In other news, sources close to the MFA refused to comment last night Archregimancy officials had been seen talking to the coach of the Casaran national team. 'This is purely a matter for Ms. Hill to comment on' said a senior protopresbyter, speaking on condition of anonymity 'and might solely be a matter of consulting on team tactics.' The anonymous official was unable, however, to explain why the Archregimancy might be consulting with Catholic schismatics.

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

PRINCE IMPERIAL RELEASES GROUP PREDICTIONS
HEFA Officials Praise Prince's 'Awe-Inspiring Wisdom'

By Anna Comneno

Following the usual benevolent silence of His Imperial Majesty the Basileus, it was left to Isaac, the Prince Imperial, to be generous enough to release his predictions for the Holy Empire's upcoming World Cup 31 qualifying campaign.

This reporter has below merely quoted His Royal Highness' words:

Liverpool England - "Bunch of no-hoper has-beens if you ask me. Destined to finish no better than 8th."
Bettia - "Trickier, but clearly a bunch of no-hoper has beens if you ask me. Destined to finish no better than 5th."
Milchama - "Solid squad. Might squeak into 4th."
Yafor 2 - "We like golden things in the Holy Empire. Even Golden Wolves. 3rd."
Lisburn Mateys - "They're apparently not Bedistan, they're Lisburn Mateys. Which, quite frankly, was never under any real dispute. 6th
Marceau State - "7th. Probably."
Holy Empire [Alasdair I Frosticus] - "Destined to shake the NS-verse now that proper Frosty Football is making arguably it's first real return since WC3. But let's not be too optimistic.... 2nd would do nicely."
Delesa - "Irrelevant. 9th."
Candy Rocks - "But Ice-cream is nicer. Oh, I'm so witty. Laugh, dammit! Why aren't you laughing? I'll feed you to the double-headed eagles if.... that's better. 10th"
Socialist Romanistan - "I predict great things for this team. Don't let their low ranking fool you.... I've watched the videos, and they'll sweep the group using extraordinary attacking flair and disciplined defensive organisation."

HEFA officials later praised the Prince for his 'awe-inspiring wisdom' while nonetheless privately advising that their personal group predictions may differ in one or two minor areas from those of His Royal Highness.

"A World Cup preview show? No, I won't give comments for a World Cup Preview show. Just pick us to win. Who cares if it's accurate or not, it'll play with the home fans. So you're going to be an awful person if you don't pick the home team? Ugh, you people. No. No. Look, I have things to do. Yeah, I'm good on the interview on Friday. See you then." Vivica Hill said, hanging up the phone and sighing. "Damn Media, don't they have better things to do than all and bother me for an interview at all hours of the day and night?" She said, pulling on her coat.

Looking out the window, the snow had obscured the view of the various domes and spires of the Orthodox Cathedral across town, but thankfully Robbie had come across some directions. It was time to see about that whole "finding meaning in life" thing.

---

"So, why are we here?" Michael Arrali asked, leaning against the wall of the maintenance tunnel under the pitch.

"Ugh, damn rookies." Nina Leir said, holding an axe. "We're sabotaging the field."

"Why on earth would we be doing that?"

"So we don't have to play any of those idiotic pre-cup friendlies." Kyle Reimar said, turning all the sprinkler system handles to open.

"Yeah, it's tradition. Ruhlman and Ronalo did this back in the day." Nina said, as she began taking swings at the handles and breaking them off with the axe. "The field will get so saturated with water that it will be impossible to play on until the first real match comes around."

"Or it doesn't, and we play the first match in 4 inches of mud."

"Which is fun." Nina said, streching. "Shall we go and see?"

"After you."

The three slowly emerged from the maintenance tunnels and onto the field surface to see the sprinkler heads spraying the field with wild abandon. "Haha, it's a thing of beauty."

"If Hill finds out, she's going to kill you guys." Michael said from the tunnel.

"Pfft, she'd kill us if we didn't. Let's go hit a bar." Kyle said, kicking a sprinkler on the edge of the field before walking down the tunnel.

The camera fades into view and we see Luna Lovegood fixing her hair…

“Oh… we’re on?”

She straightens herself.

“Assegai sports fans, this is Luna Lovegood coming at you live from the lobby of The Great Cathedral at Cathedral Park. On the heels of having won the Brave New World’s Republic of Assegai Invitational Tournament, the Riskbreakers of Assegai are off to face their biggest challenge—the Nation States World Cup.

“If ever the old adage of the big fish in a small pond becoming the big fish in a huge ocean with even bigger fishes applied, it does now. Assegai hasn’t addressed the NSWC footballing community and already it has been counted out and put down by almost every team it will face. One team even went so far as to exhibit a vulgar display of hubris by stating they would play all their back-ups.

“Coming into the tournament as a total unknown and unranked, Assegai has very little it can say. Its regional tournament victories—meaningless. The individual accomplishments of its local superstars—inconsequential to the greater footballing world. For all intents and purposes, the Assegai Developments National Team is walking toward the gallows to be hung, drawn and quartered. So, why? Why go through the agony of humiliation and foreseeable defeat against callous opponents? To answer this and other questions we turn to Assegai team captain Ashley Riot, goalkeeper Callo Merlose and forwards Samantha Neesa and Severus Snape.”

The camera pans left and we see the four Assegai players in National team hoodies and sweat pants with calm expressions.

Luna approaches Riot, and addresses him.

“Ashley, on the heels of a tremendous victory over arch-rival Elves Security Forces in the Assegai Invitational Tournament, why go from such a high to such a daunting task as this? It’s certain failure, is it not?”

“Well, Luna, the victory over E.S.F. in the final was certainly the high point of our footballing careers, but there are always bigger mountains to climb and deeper trenches to explore,” says Ashley with serene aplomb. “In fact, it was E.S.F.—our greatest rival and supporter—that challenged us to take this step into a greater world of international football. To deny the challenge would be a slap to the face of every member of our great Republic. We are quite prepared to face the juggernauts of the Nation States World Cup. We are ready to take our beatings and lacerations, but, I swear to you, Luna… We’ll go down clawing and biting to our last breath.”

Luna nods. She turns to Merlose and Neesa, who are leaning on each other.

“Girls, both of you made news with your transfer to Char Sara Inferno of the E.S.F. Premier League. You are pioneers. Now, by entering this tournament, you are pioneers of a different sort. What’s the attitude of the team as you head into this great unknown?”

Merlose smiles.

“Luna, to say we are going into this huge tournament calmly would be a lie,” she says.

“Yeah, Luna, we are all quite anxious and know that we will face teams that will push us beyond our limits,” Neesa adds.

“Mos def,” Merlose says. “This is the next step in the maturation process of the Republic’s National Team, and we know it’s not going to be easy. We know it won’t be pretty. Actually, it will be down right ugly.”

“I might be leading the Brave New World Summer League in scoring now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get a shot off against some of the defenses we will be facing in this tournament,” Neesa says.

“As keeper, I am about to face my worst nightmare,” Merlose continues. “I will be practically facing a firing range in every game. Deep down inside me a little voice is screaming at the top of its lungs. But, if I’m to learn anything from this, I must choke down the anxiety and come with game face on.”

Neesa nods.

“Oh yeah,” says Merlose winking at Neesa.

“Assegai rising!” they both exclaim.

“Thanks girls,” Luna says. She then moves over to Snape, who looks as gray and brooding as ever.

“Severus, as serious as you have always been in our interviews, you have been a silent leader on this squad. What then is going through your mind on the eve of this tournament?”

Snape sighs deeply, looking a bit annoyed by her question.

“I don’t care who we’re facing,” he says in a cold voice. “When we hit the field, we are just as capable as the other team. We have two arms and two legs and a head on our shoulders. We can run as fast as them. We can play as hard as them. We can foul as viciously as them. You know what? We can beat them.”

He pauses for a moment and looks at his teammates.

“So what if we’re unranked and enter the tournament as complete unknowns to the Nation States footballing world,” he continues, with an air of defiance. “They have no idea of what they are about to face. They have no way of gauging our skill or our desire. Did anyone give Senegal a chance against the French? Did anyone imagine U.S.A. would defeat Portugal? Nothing is guaranteed. Impossible is nothing.”

He glares into the camera as his teammates surround him.

The camera pans back to Luna.

“Fans, you have heard what the team has to say. All that remains now is for the test to begin. Will Assegai have what it takes? We’ll find out soon. This is Luna Lovegood signing off. Have a great evening wherever you may be.”

Jo-El: Welcome to NS-SC, the new sports channel devoted to Az-cz's international competitions. We will be providing coverage from all sorts of events like the Tour de Qazox, the Vilitan surfing tour, the new international kleptochase and of course the upcoming world cup qualifiers. I'm Jo-El, and I'll be travelling with the football team and managing their press conferences this time around. Joining me tonight is team manager Caine Hawdon. Good evening Mr. Hawdon.

Hawdon: Good evening Jo-El.

Jo-El: First give us an overview of how you felt about the draw and the schedule?

Hawdon: The draw is fine. All the groups are tough, but there's definitely unmanageable about the group. As for the schedule it's a little to our disliking, but that's just how things go.

Jo-El: Why is that?

Hawdon: Well we really have to hit the ground fast. We have arguably the most important game first, home against Nebuleux, then 6 road games in 7 matches. If we start out slow we'll be buried before we get a chance to hit our stride.

Jo-El: Do you think a slow start is possible?

Hawdon: Honestly I think we'll beat Nebuleux, but a loss to them at home would really hurt our chances to move up the group table. And following that with matches at Tynelia and at Rejistania means it's a tough early road to hoe.

Jo-El: What kind of schedule would you have liked?

Hawdon: I'd like to have opened with a lower ranked team on the road to get our legs going and then had more home games the rest of the first half to allow what is still a relatively inexperienced team some time to get some results.

Jo-El: I see. What games do you view as key for the first half?

Hawdon: That opener against Nebuleux is absolutely massive for us. Although it probably won't affect the chase for qualification to much for us and our goals it's huge. Probably after that the next most important is the match day 7 trip to Green Wombat. And the home against D2R is a chance to earn some points as well.

Jo-El: Ok. I'm sure the fans will be extra excited about those. For the three home matches of the first half, where will they be held.

Hawdon: The openers going to be played in the Castle in Mil-Bax. Match day five against Pablicosta will be held in Knights Coliseum and match day 9 against D2R will be played in Slimes Stadium.

Jo-El: In terms of points what's your goal for the first half?

Hawdon: Our realistic target is 17. Two points against the top three teams, 6 points against the next three and 9 points against the bottom.

Jo-El: Now we bring you a special segment we will have for every press conference, voice of the Az-czzer, where we will read questions from the fans. Tonight to kick it off we've got a special treat of 3 questions. First, Mu-Lar for Port Mid-Mjr. She writes "We all know that Pizelkaxrovsky takes the free kicks, but what about corners, penalties and other free kick takers?"

Hawdon: Our first choice for free kicks will indeed remain Pizelkaxrovsky, and corners will remain Kn-Dg. Kn-Dg remains the second choice free kick taker and with the added height on this team we can afford to have Pizelkaxrovsky be the second choice corner taker. Ml-Dni is third choice for both. As for penalties the list of five amongst the starters ranks: 1. Pizelkaxrovsky, 2. Kn-Dg, 3. Stanleyinho, 4. James Levesuqe, and 5. Ml-Dni. If we're subbing in for penalties Ip-Gp and Bub-Rub are both top choices.

Jo-El: Ok, Ray-Gay from Ja-Meka wants to know what you think of the Az-czid media. Ahh, you've got to love meta-questions.

Hawdon: They're fantastic. They've even developed quite an international reputation. I believe that the Vilitans believe the Az-czid media is the best in existence. You guys have great energy and this new channel is a great idea.

Jo-El: Aww. Thanks coach. Our last question comes from David Buthod, from Az-cz City. He writes "as an immigrant it takes sometime to get used to the native Az-czid sports. If you were raised here which sport do you think you would have played."

Hawdon: Well Kleptodance is out. I simply don't have the ability to move with that grace. Plus I'm not sure I'd be comfortable competing nude. I think Kleptochase prolly isn't suited to me either. My fine motor skills are not necessarily the greatest. I could see playing either capture the flag or Kleptoball, but Kleptoball prolly suits me the best.

Jo-El: Well there you have. Anyone got a good local beer league for coach Hawdon to join? Just kidding. Good Night Coach.

Hawdon: Night Jo-El.

"Oh hell, what are we going to do?"

"About what?"

"Have you seen the draw? Liverpool England, Bettia, Milchama, Yafor 2... they've all been drawn against us!"

"So? It means our little group are going to get to play agianst some of the best teams in the world!"

"It means we're going to get found out! Nobody actually realises that we're not a real nation!"

"Look, you've done alright so far. You've talked Kingsbury Amsham into lending us their ground for our games."

"Yeah, but where are the players going to stay?"

"They make their own arangements. Just make sure they know they're coming to Schiavonia."

"OK. But what about our arrangements? How are our little team of schoolboys and locals going to travel to all these places? Do you even know where Delesa is?"

"Well, no. But we've got time to figure that out. Our first four games are at home, so as long as we have the funding in place by matchday five, we should be fine."

"And how are you going to get the funding?"

"Well, you know how the Schiavone Scribe gets read all over the world?"

"Yes?"

"Well look at this!"

The Schiavone Scribe
classified advertisements

HELP!

Sponsorship required for football team in World Cup 31

A small national team operating out of Amsham, a suburb to the north of Kingsbury, Schiavonia, are looking for a sponsor. We need funding for kits, to travel to away games overseas and to make sure that our opponents are treated with a decent amount of respect when they come over here.

Our sponsors will have Amsham Park, our 12,500 seat stadium, renamed for our games, the team will feature your name as part of their name, and you will get exposure in such international footballing hotbeds as Liverpool England and Milchama.

Call Kingsbury 43-12-63-79 or e-mail chris.howard@linkinschool.edu.scv for more details.

"It doesn't tell anyone who we are, though."

"Well big businesses are put off by socialism."

"We're not socialists, though."

"I know, but it is in our entry name."

"Ah."

"All we have to do now is wait."

TO: chris.howard@linkinschool.edu.scv
FROM: Vice-President of JGN

RE: Funding

We are JGN are looking expand our presense in the media. We have the Nedalian and Jeruselem, market captive, but your nation seems small - too small. Our intelligence people say you lot are a bunch of lefty yahoos in Socialist Romanistan.

Despite this, we are willing to help BUT there are capitalist provisions because JGN want to make some return from this. For a sum of $US500,000 we can help but you must abide by the attached provisions for sponsorship as attached. Look, you're just a little club but we'll just overlook at for now.

If you accept, we are sending out a JGN representive to check on your team. It's former Jeruselem World Cup coach Harry Kool who knows about success. He coached Jeruselem to the quarter-finals in World Cup XXX.

Jane Doe
VP of Jeruselem Government News

Elven Times
Schedule Released, Players Ready

As the clock windles down and the hour to a new start in the international scene draws closer, the schedule has been released. It's no lie that this group is much tougher than people are giving them credit for and every matchday is going to be important. It will be imperititive to the teams chances to qualify that they go out and try to get points every match. With foes like Krytenia and Commerece Hieghts, every point is going to matter. Yet the squad is calm before this oncoming onslaught, many playing table tennis in the club's lounge. If this team is worried at all about the storm that is on the horizon, they are not showing it. But what else can we expect from this group of players, really? They've gone through numerous obsticales just to get where they are now, from being just a very medicore team in their regional tournaments, next to being newcomers in the international scene, and finnaly coming within inches of winning their first largescale tournament. So what is left for this group you ask. It's simple, make the Proper, and be a contender every matchday, earning the respect due from their friends and foes in this tournament. Can the team bring this dream to frutition? Well the next few months will indeed tell us much about that along with the team's character, and talent. What might happen this time, might change the face of the international footballing scene. For now, we can only look forward to what grand possibilities might be in store, and hope that we are all up to the challange.

Schedule
MD1 ESF v Ikeea
MD2 Dorian and Sonya v ESF
MD3 Divensi v ESF
MD4 Sativaville v ESF
MD5 Demot v ESF
MD6 ESF v Krytenia
MD7 ESF v Cataduanes
MD8 ESF v Commerce Heights
MD9 Dj8989 v ESF
MD10 Ikeea v ESF
MD11 ESF v Dorian and Sonya
MD12 ESF v Divensi
MD13 ESF v Sativaville
MD14 ESF v Demot
MD15 Krytenia v ESF
MD16 Cataduanes v ESF
MD17 Commerce Heights v ESF
MD18 ESF v Dj8989

All home matches will be played at The Hatire Memorial (56,000)

Article by Ron Santapa

Tynelia RP

“Hello everyone and welcome to a brief update of the 31st World Cup as the schedule has been announced. I’m Mike McPhee here alone at the moment as this is just a quick update. Dana will be back with us when the Cup proper begins I assure you.

“Tynelia has the early benefit of playing their first four matches at home which on paper should get the team off to a good start. However what could be their biggest test for qualifying starts right off the bat as they face the team most experts feel they will be fighting for the final qualification spot with, the Cup of Harmony champs Dance 2 Revolution. This will be the toughest opening match Tynelia has ever faced to start off group play and will be an early sign as to whether the team are contenders or pretenders.

“Ironically, Tynelia has always shown some difficulty winning at home. However after this match they face three of the bottom four seeds in the group all at home. So ideally this is their best chance to get off to an early advantage before they go on the road for their match with Schiavonia. So the first home and road matches will be tough ones.

“The Tynelian Soccer Federation has also announced the venues for the team’s home matches. The 55,000 seat renovated Presidential Coliseum will be the home of our home matches with Dance 2 Revolution, Az-cz, Sel Appa, Rejistania, and the Green Wombats. The 40,000 seat Sun Stadia will host the Nebuleux and Schiavonia. Finally the aptly named 28,000 seat Ice Bowl in the north will showcase the matches with the Algal States and Pablicosta.

“The experts are mixed regarding this first matchup. There is about a 55-45 split slightly in Tynelia’s favor due to being at home. That’s the reason almost two thirds of the experts give as to why they took Tynelia. Others say D2R is on a better roll after winning the CoH and a higher seed which will be enough to offset the homefield edge of a team not used to facing a tough challenge right out of the gate.

“I guess we’ll all find out soon when Tynelian Soccer Weekly starts its coverage of the match with D2R. Check local listings for the start time. Until then this is Mike McPhee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

United Anastasianian Football Federation
Press Release

The UAFF today received the schedule of World Cup matches from the WC31 Organising Committee, and have allotted stadiums for the tournament. Matches will be played throughout the country, with two in each region, and three in the Anastasiania National Stadium in Allenby.

Week 1: The Mice of Miceland v Anastasiania
Week 2: Anastasiania v Harlesburg @ Jyrkki Stadion, Heino (capacity: 17,400)
Week 3: Anastasiania v Ancient Byzantine @ Launavaara Stadion, Launavaara (capacity: 14,590)
Week 4: Anastasiania v Northern Caesarea @ National Stadium, Allenby (capacity: 34,111)
Week 5: Casari v Anastasiania (presumably in Tyrellian Ylompic Stadium, Tyrellia)
Week 6: Vuam and Isma v Anastasiania
Week 7: System Karela v Anastasiania @ Offshore Pitch. Prospective fans who wish to travel to the neighbouring nation, beware that va'karela'ny are abundant in the stadium, and the United Anastasianian Football Federation discourages any fans to travel with the team.
Week 8: Okielahoma v Anastasiania in Lexington, Okielahoma.
Week 9: Anastasiania v The Islands of Qutar @ National Stadium, Allenby
Week 10: Anastasiania v The Mice of Miceland @ Olsvikvallen, Olsö (capacity: 9,305)
Week 11: Harlesburg v Anastasiania
Week 12: Ancient Byzantine v Anastasiania
Week 13: Northern Caesarea v Anastasiania
Week 14: Anastasiania v Casari @ National Stadium, Allenby
Week 15: Anastasiania v Vuam and Isma @ Shotterbury Ground, Shotterbury (capacity: 22,000)
Week 16: Anastasiania v System Karela @ Chadwick Central Stadium, Chadwick (capacity: 13,200)
Week 17: Anastasiania v Okielahoma @ Fuglängvallen, Fuglängen (capacity: 16,373)
Week 18: The Islands of Qutar v Anastasiania in Stadium of Light, The Islands of Qutar?

Away fixtures still to be confirmed.

The Adventures of SuperDude
World Cup Special Edition Story

Origin of SuperGnome

1st page:
1st Panel:

Rg-Bz, a gnome in his exercise gear was jogging along a path in Az-Cz City his headphones on listening to the radio coverage of the Bazalonian - Az-Cz friendly,"The Dying seconds and Peter Hobble has the ball, 2-1 on the scorreboard can he make it 3-1?" The sky line in the distance and a label on the headphones magnified clearly identifying the headphones as his.

2nd Panel:

"He's carving into the Az-Cz defense and made a shot *Bzzt* the ball *bzzt* *cackle*" The radio had cackled and lost signal he didn't know what was happening in TeleBaz Stadium. "Just when Peter had the ball too.", "I wonder why the radio cut out."

2nd Page:
3rd Panel:

"Perhaps, there's something in there." The panel was a look from behind of Rg-Bz looking into the nearby park that had certainly taken on a new mysteriousness.

4th Panel:

"I didn't think the park was this big. Where am I?" Rg-Bz's face was very concerned and it was obvious that he was lost. The Radio continued to cackle and bzzt and the headphone had been removed his thoughts now gone from the football match in Bazalonia. "Perhaps, this way." said to himself choosing a random direction

5th Panel:

"Woo..AARRGGHHH" Rg-Bz exclaimed as the ground just gave way underneath him, the headphones flying off the head and was to land on the ground nearby the whole that gave way. There was no one around and no apparent reason why thereshould be a hole in the ground.

3rd Page:
6th Panel:

A beam of light streamed in from the newly created hole revealing the inside of a very alien looking room, it looked very high-tech and more importantly very un Az-Czid. Looking up to the hole Rg-Bz stated "I won't be able to climb up there, I'll need to find another way out, I'll start through this door."

7th Panel:

This was quite a small panel compared to the others just displaying a door and Rg-Bz pressing a button to go through it.

8th Panel:

A large panel showing Rg-Bz's standing in the doorway showing a large expanse of a storeroom with a small book lying a metre infront of him. Many boxes and equipment scattered round the room.

9th Panel:

A small panel just snuck into the 3rd page showing the book up close that has only one word written on it "Az-Cz", Rg-Bz asked to himself "What's this?"

4th Page:
10th Panel:

A few pages of the book have flipped over and the reading material while unreadable to the reader of the comic book. But Rg-Bz could read it "This is Az-Cz's journal, says something about some special tools in a Box marked with his name."

11th Panel:

"I've got to find them" he said as he started to pour through the contents of the storage room.

12th Panel:

"Ah, here it is." he states as he finds and pulls out a Box that is clearly labeled 'Az-Cz' on the side.

13th panel:

The last panel on this page is looking up from inside the opened box upto Rg-Bz's face that showed totally surprising and amazement at what he had seen a hand is reaching into the box to pull something out of it.

5th Page:
14th Panel:

In the box was almost an entire suit and a number of weird gadgets, Rg-Bz had grabbed hold of a shirt in one hand and Az-Cz's journal. "I might try these on."

15th panel:

Rg-Bz was now dressed in the suit, a "15 minute later" information box was at the bottom of the panel. "I wonder how this works, In this gear I feel like a Super Gnome." The suit was pink and green and fitted like a glove.

16th panel:

The colours of the suit had changed from the Pink and Green of the nation and into, well not any colour really. Rg-Bz had almost turned invisible. "The suit must change colour depending on it's surroundings. Now what about the other things"

17th Panel:

The words that he previously spoked echoed back from the wall really loudly obviously causing pain with a thought bubble "And apparently super hearing. I wonder..."

Page 6:
18th Panel:

Rg-Bz left the storage room walking out the door in the same-size panel as the one that he entered the room with a thought bubble, "Now to test this theory."

19, 20th and 21st Panels:

Rg-Bz leapt from the ground and ended up jumping up through the hole of the gate before doing a mid-air somersault and landing in an appriopriate cat-like braced position for landing.

Page 7:
22nd Panel:

"This is amazing, I'm like a super-thief, no I'm better than that I am Az-Cz himself. I now dedicate my life to providing for all, making sure no one goes without. I will call myself SuperGnome."

This panel takes up all the page and thus ends the comic.

Instalments of 'The Adventures of SuperDude'

Comic 1: Origin of SuperGnome
Comic 2: Fair-weather Fauxhan Football (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825105&postcount=112)
Comic 3: Plot of Gold (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829289&postcount=149)
Comic 4: News of the Utmost Urgency (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833811&postcount=195)
Comic 5: While the Dude is away... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839019&postcount=232)
Comic 6: A Super Struggle (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11845207&postcount=285)
Comic 7: When 4 is not enough (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11849304&postcount=315)
Comic 8: Super Soccer League (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11856645&postcount=377)
Comic 9: The Trouble with Tribunals (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11861858&postcount=409)
Comic 10: Innocence of Gaol (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11866819&postcount=438)
Comic 11: Atheistic Left (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11875233&postcount=484)
Comic 12: Chasing Icharus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11879501&postcount=512)
Comic 13: Taking the Lap to the top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11883787&postcount=550)
Comic 14: A Hard Day at the Office (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11885180&postcount=562)
Comic 15: Hobble, Hobble, Where fore art thou, Hobble (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11893685&postcount=608)
Comic 16: Into the Lion's Den (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11897881&postcount=634)
Comic 17: The Lion Revealed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11902353&postcount=657)
Comic 18: Den of Destruction (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11907342&postcount=686)
Comic 19: Rejoice in Return (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11912715&postcount=716)

Az-cz Scroll
Bazalonia
Il-Lur

Bazalolopes maul Gnomes, accompanied by football match

In an amusing pregame gesture before the friendly between the two nations, there was a "fight between" some bazalopes and some robotic lawn gnomes. Although it wasn't the famous bazalope racing it provided some enjoyment, and also proved to be instructive on the game. The bazalopes got spooked by the gnomes and kicked the crap out of them.

The same pattern was found in the actual match. Pizelkaxrovsky put the fear into the Bazalonia fans by reestablishing his connection to Kn-Dg in the 8th minute to give the Pink & Green an early 1-0 lead.

However that was all that the Bazalonians allowed. They quickly sprung into attack mode and pushed back at the gnomes defense. Despite the extra defender the Bazalonians were able to push through. They found the equalizer on the foot of Irchov Michael in the 29th minute and both teams went to half equal.

At this point the coaches showed that they were clearly treating the match as a friendly. They took off Pizelkaxrovsky and Zax-Im and brought on Ox-Rx and Ip-Gp. Ip-Gp was playing Pizelkaxrovsky's role, but also trying to be a defensive midfielder. Clearly the team was not too used to a four man midfield as the Bazalonian beatdown continued.

Peter Hobble found his first goal in the 66th minute of the game. He added a second to earn his brace in the stoppage time for the second half to send Bazalonia off to the qualifiers with a 3-1 victory.

The Gnomes look to rebound from the defeat in a big game against Nebuleux while the Bazalopes start their campaign and attempt to make a second straight world cup against a dangerous team from Errinundera.

Stats

Score Az-cz 1 Bazalonia 3
Scorers Kn-Dg 8
Shots Az-cz 5 Bazalonia 14
Corners Az-cz 0 Bazalonia 0

Jo-El: We're joined today by coach Hawdon and captian Zax-Im after their tough 3-1 defeat against Bazalonia. Coach, your thoughts?

Hawdon: Well the Bazalonians proved we've still got work to do. It was tough, and they proved they had the skills to stop us. But it was just a friendly and we'll get better.

Az-cz reporter 1: Do you think it set back morale at all?

Hawdon: Nope. None of the players are bothered by the result.

Az-cz reporter 2: Do you think it's wise for a team like Az-cz to schedule up in friendlies, or would they be better off to play more teams like Miceland?

Hawdon: I think scheduling up makes perfect sense. These games don't count so we should get experience playing against the best. That's what will help us improve the most.

Frank Dee (Bazalonian Reporter): What were your emotions walking onto that field as the enemy?

Hawdon: I'd hardly call it being the enemy. It was a true friendly today. Even Khim got a nice handshake. But it was strange. Still I'm very proud of both sides we saw on the pitch today.

Az-cz reporter 3: Why did you take off Pizelkaxrovsky and Zax-Im at half time?

Hawdon: We decided that we couldn't get them injured. We also wanted to see Ip-Gp in action and get a look at the 4-4-2 in real time play. Pizelkaxrovsky is the player who's lost is hardest to prepare for, which means it's also the one we must prepare for most. That's what we were doing out there today.

Az-cz reporter 4: What are your thoughts about giving up three goals. That seems like a lot?

Hawdon: If the question is am I worried about Gn-Lg, the answer is no. If the question is, am I worried about the defense, the answer is no. If the question is can the wing backs play a little tighter the answer is yes. One of the things that Ml-Dni and Haji-Me need to work on is knowing when to go. That feel will come. On Hobble's first goal they both snuck forward at the same time and the Bazalonians hit back quickly against that. But I'm not concerned. This team is still trying to coalesce as a 4-5-1.

Az-cz reporter 5: You and Khim didn't seem to talk much during the game, is that a problem?

Hawdon: Nope. We've got fairly different roles. During a game my job is for the most part to give the actual instruction. Khim is mostly studying the game and figuring out what we need to work on. If you noticed almost nobody talked to him during the game. He's mostly observing during matches.

Jo-El: Now we come to the fan question of the day. This comes from Er-Ik of El-Eh. He asks coach Hawdon "what type of toppings would you put on a pizza to go to the whole team, and why?". Well coach.

Hawdon: That's a strange one. I guess I'd go with a light cheese pizza with chicken and lots of vegetables. That's the training pizza as I understand it.

Jo-El: Alright. Good luck gentlemen. We'll talk to you again after the Nebuleux match.

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f141/DarthBunny/ns_stuff/sg-title.png
Read SG online - http://sports.rta/gazette/

Renovation of Unity Stadium won't affect World Cup matches
by Charles Neumann

ISLE OF UHM - The renovation of the monumental Unity Stadium is not going to affect the upcoming qualification matches, officials of the Ropa-Topian Sports Alliance have said. One field of the stadium will always remain available for sporting events, including the home matches for the Ropa-Topian national football team, although the spectator capacity may be lower than the normal 65,000 (per field).
The renovation will also not affect the two restaurants inside the building, Santé! (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sant%C3%A9%21) (Ariddian and vegetarian) and Uhuh-Ropean Le Manchot Béton (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Le_Manchot_B%C3%A9ton).

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f141/DarthBunny/ns_stuff/stadium-small.png
The Unity Stadium was built in 1978 (142 years ago) and still is one of the largest buildings on the Isle of Uhm (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Isle_of_Uhm). The stadium houses two sport fields and two 6-lane athletics tracks, and has a capacity of 2x 65,000 (due to the current renovation only one field will be available, with reduced capacity; this will increase to 2x 72,000 when the renovation is complete).


WC qualification schedule released
RTSA press release

Away: Fmjphoenix
Home: Oliverry (Unity Stadium, South Field, capacity: 50,000*)
Home: Spaamanian Plijous (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Away: Turori
Home: Lexington SC (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Away: Bushes Been Quaked
Away: Spruitland
Home: Marion Oaks 2 (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Away: Lovisa


Home: Fmjphoenix (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Away: Oliverry
Away: Spaamanian Plijous
Home: Turori (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Away: Lexington SC
Home: Bushes Been Quaked (Unity Stadium, North Field, capacity: 55,000*)
Home: Spruitland (Unity Stadium, South Field, capacity: 65,000*)
Away: Marion Oaks 2
Home: Lovisa (Unity Stadium, South Field, capacity: 72,000*)

*: Capacity numbers are estimates based on the stadium's renovation schedule. The exact numbers may change.

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BFA releases qualifying schedule
And the hosting committee's scheduling subcommittee have twisted minds

The Bedistan Football Association has released the official team schedule for World Cup 31 qualifying, including all home venues. For the first time in nearly forty years, the national team will play a match in what we now know as East Bedistan, facing Risa-Aramour at the just-opened Estadië Ostire in Kumbara.

The Bedistani team will certainly need to hit the ground running, as they start off with the most difficult match of the whole run, away at Nedalia. The green and blue then get a bit of a break before facing a rough five-match sequence of the Anathematic Republics, Backwardistan, Errinundera, Bazalonia, and a home match against Nedalia. The nation's premier sports venue, Fillmore National Stadium, will be used for the finale against Bazalonia, with the Nedalia home match being played at South Coast Arena in Hendersonburg, the major stadium closest to the Nedalian border, in a gesture of goodwill.

No away venues have yet been confirmed except for the Errinundera match, which will take place at the Bonang Cricket Ground in Bonang.

So without further ado, the full schedule:

Home games in green

1. Nedalia v Bedistan
2. Bedistan v Brownwick - Metrewalkstadion, Neue Metrewalk
3. Risa-Aramour v Bedistan
4. United Island Empires v Bedistan
5. Bedistan v Reanimated States - Sokojiwa National Stadium, Sokojiwa Dosi
6. Anathematic Republics v Bedistan
7. Bedistan v Backwardistan - Akoki Stadium, New Lusambo
8. Bedistan v Errinundera - Field of Flowers, Floral
9. Bazalonia v Bedistan
10. Bedistan v Nedalia - South Coast Arena, Hendersonburg
11. Brownwick v Bedistan
12. Bedistan v Risa-Aramour - Estadië Ostire, Kumbara
13. Bedistan v United Island Empires - Stephen Rogers Memorial Stadium, Yuba
14. Reanimated States v Bedistan
15. Bedistan v Anathematic Republics - Porcupine Palace, Alexandria
16. Backwardistan v Bedistan
17. Errinundera v Bedistan - Bonang Cricket Ground, Bonang
18. Bedistan v Bazalonia - Fillmore National Stadium, Sonoma City

GROUP FOUR PREVIEW

MATCHDAYS ONE AND TEN: DJ8989
We do want to rock DJ, and it's a visit to these no-hopers that should start the Aces off on the right road.

MATCHDAYS TWO AND ELEVEN: IKEEA
Krytenia play their first home match against the flat pack four. Again, maximum points a must.

MATCHDAYS THREE AND TWELVE: DORIAN & SONYA
The Mystical Unicorns provide the first proper test. "Ladies First" off the menu.

MATCHDAYS FOUR AND THIRTEEN: DIVENSI
Ten defenders, none of them any good. Wake Mr Barradez up when we're done.

MATCHDAYS FIVE AND FOURTEEN: SATIVAVILLE
Could pose a challenge; one false move and there could be points dropped here.

MATCHDAYS SIX AND FIFTEEN: ELVES SECURITY FORCES
Qualification outsiders will be scrapping for every point.

MATCHDAYS SEVEN AND SIXTEEN: DEMOT
Another team on the rise, but should struggle against the Aces.

MATCHDAYS EIGHT AND SEVENTEEN: CATADUANES
Over-rated; should fall against both superior opponents.

MATCHDAYS NINE AND EIGHTEEN: COMMERCE HEIGHTS
Matchday Eighteen could decide group position; other than that, both these sides should go through.

Cuation Face Uphill Battle

Years of failure and a withdrawal from the Cup of Harmony due to need to revamp the Cuation FA have taken its toll. These players have either never played at this high level or have been out of it for awhile. This is reflected from the rankings dropping from 39 to 48. Cuation will have to play well to climb up the rankings and finish in a decent position in a tough group.

Group 6:
[ 7] - Tadjikistan
[11] - New Montreal States
[30] - Becquerelia
[42] - Haraki
[48] - Cuation
[66] - One Red Dot
[76] - Aurendia
[126] - Commerce Heights JSY
[130] - The Mushroom Kingship
[N/A] - Adamica

Can Cuation get into the top three? I think Cuation will settle for fourth place, Becquerelia are too strong to be caught and to beat Haraki would be a signal of improvement.

Tadjikistan

Giants of the game, a draw in our home game would be great but these guys will take first place without much of a fight.

New Montreal States

A very good side, used to qualifying and eager to put their last cup behind them, they will easily get second place and will be looking to challenge for first. The defence players are rather young, Danielle Childress aside, but their attacking four are very experienced. Cuation might try to capitalise on the lack of experience at the back and attack down the flanks.

Cuation will look for a home point but Dansie and Likens could be a huge danger for any team.

Becquerelia

This team has done something we never could, they are the 30th best team in the world. Many view this team as the one to grab the last qualification place and this correspondent agrees, they won't be close to second place but are too good to allow their rivals to take third place. If we are to qualify, four points must be collected against this team.

Haraki

I thought these guys would be viewed as Becquerelia's rivals for third place, have slowly risen up the ranks of world football. Four, preferably six points against this team are needed to finish above them and blunt their progression.

Cuation

Fighting to return to their former strength, to throw away the old inconsistency and blooding many good young players, it could be a rollercoaster.

One Red Dot

The former giants of the game's return has been somewhat slow, still only 66th and the outside shot for third place. Six points is needed when playing this team but expect them to get scalps along the way.

Aurendia

No backroom staff and only one World Cup under their belt, they may struggle a little to overcome that disadvantage but they have one advantage, the players are at their peak. Te Raptors managed to get to the Baptism of Fire final but lost 4-0 but a credible 14 points in their group showed what they can do despite the failure to qualify for the knocks out of the Cup of Harmony.

What should we make of them? They won't qualify but should not be underestimated by anyone, I think they will look for a good position in the group, could even grab fourth place. The 3-4-3 attacking play should be fun to watch but it puts a lot of pressure on the defence, which could be their down fall.

We will need six points but I think this will be our traditional "bogey" team that will at least draw the two games. They don't view us as one of the big teams in the group, will that inspire our players to greater things?

Commerce Heights JSY

Quite frankly, these guys will have to fight to avoid the group’s wooden spoon. If we don't get six points, we do not deserve to qualify; our attacking players should use these games to add to their goal total. Managed six points last time, they will be lucky to get that here.

The Mushroom Kingship

A 2-1-7? If they can get the ball and avoid running into each other, they could score a lot of goals. Stan Jumper may end up overworked; a two man defence is not much protection and one man in midfield? They should be overrun.

This formation did get them to fourth place in the Baptism of Fire and they think it will get them seventh in the group, an optimistic guess in an otherwise excellent look at the tournament. I think the lack of experience at this level and the formation will be cruelly overrun and exposed but we like them.

They predict fourth place for us, to do that we must outscore them in both games and grab six points.

Adamica

The non ranker in the group, six points for all!

“But this stuff is boring! Nobody reads it anyway!”

“That may be so, but that’s not the point. This World Cup is held in Vilita. They give ratings to the media. If we don’t come up with something on a regular basis, we’re gonna get an F-rating, and they’ll bug us every other day to ask why we aren’t writing anything.”

“Can’t we just copy someone else’s? Nobody will notice. And just stick a match schedule to the bottom, those fill the page nicely.”

“Out of the question. We can’t afford another lawsuit. Just get it over and done with, I want it on my desk in fifteen minutes.”

“But I don’t wanna!”

“I don’t care what you want! You wanna keep working here, you do as you’re told! And don’t even start about creative freedom and artistic poppycock. If you think you’re a crucial part of this news agency, you better get your head out of your ass fast. You’re just a writer, I can just pluck any toothless, homeless bum off the street to do your job and nobody will know the difference!”

“Perhaps you should do that, then. I’ve got a novel to finish anyway.”

* * * * *

The Big Obligatory World Cup 31 Qualifying Wet-Finger-In-The-Air Preview Prediction Thingamajig.
by Charlie FiveCoats

Group 1:
Hmmm, tough one. Starblaydia rings a bell, I think I’ve heard of those, so I’ll pick them to make it through. And Raging Penguins sounds scary, so yeah, them as well. And Nikea will just do it too.

Group 2:
Didn’t Bedistan win the thing once, like 50 years ago? So yeah, I’ll pick them. And put down Backwardistan and Bazalonia too, because they all start with a B. Though one of these might be replaced by Brownwick.

Group 3:
Hmm, a wombat, isn’t that like a big rat or something? I think I ate one of those once, pretty decent taste. It wasn’t green though, but still. So they’re through, and then… oh, Az-Cz, I love their music! Yeah, they’re on a Highway to Vilita as well. And then Sel Appa as the third pick, because the rest is too hard to spell.

Group 4:
Well, Sativaville immediately jumps out in this group. Is that one of our collonies? Hmm, sounds like it could’ve been one. Either way, they can’t lose. Oh, and I knew a chick named Sonya once. Great legs, she had. So yeah, that’s two. And I’ll pick Dorian as number three.

Group 5:
Mice. I like mice. Smaller than rats, but good for midnight snacks. And Asana… Anasata… well, they sound like a Disney movie, which is always a success formula. And heck, throw in Casari too, much less letters than the others.

Group 6:
Oh, the Mushroom Dingalings are totally gonna run away with this group. Or fly away, more likely. On the back of a pink elephant. And Commerce Heights JSY, they’ve been around a while, I think. Maybe they’ll just win the whole shabang. And we’ll end the sentence with One Red Dot.

Group 7:
Follow the patterns, always follow the patterns. Macabees, Montegrande and Magnus Valerius. Hmm, I’m craving M&Ms now.

Group 8:
Oh, Socialist Romanistan. Yeah, we like socialism. Free money for the homeless and all that shit. Good stuff. Oh, and Candy Rocks, that sounds like fun too. Might be bad for your teeth though. But as long as health insurance covers that...

Group 9:
I’ve never heard of any of these teams. Well, Spaam rings a bell, but I thought that was a cuss word. So, heck, take your pick, your guess is as good as mine.

Group 10:
Hmm, I’m supposed to provide more details about this group. I wonder why. Oh, Spruitland’s in it, I guess that’s why. Because, well, that’s us. So, yeah, we’ll qualify, pretty easily by the looks of it. As for the other teams, erm, well, let’s see…
- Lexington SC: What a silly name for a nation. They probably suck.
- Spaamanian Plijous: That’s an even sillier name. Starting with a cuss word, even. They probably suck too.
- Fmjphoenix: Yet another silly name. So they must suck as well.
- Lovisa: Oh, I know these guys. They’re pretty good actually. Silent and stubborn types. So they’ll probably qualify. Behind us, of course.
- Turori: Vaguely rings a bell. Put them down as a maybe.
- Ropa-Topia: I like these guys. Trying to say this ten times in a row fast can provide hours and hours of entertainment. Must remember that.
- Marion Oaks 2: Sounds like a Florida country club for the rich and retired. But this isn’t golf, so they won’t qualify.
- Bushes Been Quaked: Are you serious? What the hell does this mean? Sounds way too perverse for me. You just stay away from my bush!
- Oliverry: Heard of them. It’s general knowledge that they suck bigtime. They wouldn’t qualify if they were the only one in the group.

Right, that’ll be enough of that. To summarize, some teams will score goals, others will concede, some teams will qualify, other’s won’t. Whatever side you’re on, enjoy the matches, and please give your half-eaten hotdogs to the unfortunate as you leave the stadium. Thank you.

Cuation Open With One Red Dot


It is an ideal match to blood the young players into competitive international competition. At home to have Cuation's passionate fans to give them a lift, avoiding a top team was vital to avoid a crushing defeat that would destroy confidence and stunt years of work.

A too easy tie would have risked embarrassment or the Cuation players thinking it was too easy. This is a tie that team is good enough to win but is a sufficient test, they will have to give their all to beat a team with such history. Three points here will give Cuation a good start and settle the player’s nerves.

The one problem is rumours of a rift between keeper Jude Tanner and Jaime Terry after the defenders poor back pass sent Pual Kaleic clear on goal in the last minute of the derby. The keeper is known to have blamed the defender for that but as some have pointed, Kaleic's shot was weak and should never have squirmed under him.


Key Man

Joe Fallen: In a three man midfield, he is the experienced player, he must get a grip of the centre so he can help dictate the play. If he does that, the wingers can supply the strikers but fail to gain control of the centre and Cuation's defence will be under immense pressure.

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Vumaou's Flock Returns Again



Turori National Team head coach Jualiar Vumaou, after learning he would return to lead the Turori Eels in their attempt to qualify for World Cup xXxI in nearby Vilita & The Lowland Clans, being interviewed by the Vilita National. Coach Vumaou recently announced his squad for the World Cup xXxI Qualifiers, which is entirely composed of a Turorian-Breeded flock of flightless birds known as Cocoabos. The Cocoabo's have been trained since birth in the sport with the intention of fine tuning their skills and creating a National Football team immune to the politics that surround Typical squads and players, such as the horrific media events that resulted in the dramatic downfall of the Vilita Jungle Cats after World Cup 25.

Q: So, Jualiar, you've been given a second chance at the helm of the Turori National Team. Some think that the position should have been given to Cuolia Tuirma. What response do you have to that?

A: I have a lot of respect for Cuolia. We played together on the pitch for Turori and we played against each other and side by side in the Vilitan league. I think Cuolia would make a great National Team head coach one day. But I also think that I deserve the chance to finish what I've started, and I'm glad that the Football Association of Turori has also agreed with this. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was my flock of football playing Cocoabo's. They're more experienced now, and I think we've got a great chance for qualification.

Q: Some supporters of replacing you with Cuolia Tuirma cite your insistance on fielding Cocobo's instead of regular citizens of Turori. Most notably, they are dissapointed that you have not left room in your squad for Vilita & Turori Under-21 starlet Kristofer Kilpter, who will be left out in the cold during the World Cup Qualifications with no nation to play for.

A: Well, Kristofer is a great talent, and we still hope he will choose Turori as his World Cup nationality in the future. Obviously, not picking him for World Cup 31 is going to harm our chances of him committing to us long term, but I just don't see how it would be beneficial to field 10 Cocoabo's and then Kilpter. I don't think they'd be able to work together and I don't want to disprupt team harmony by trying to force the issue. Kristofer is a great player, but he doesnt fit into my World Cup 31 Qualifying plans, so he's been left out of the squad.

Q: You have been re-united with Spruitland, a team you've just faced in the Cup of Harmony. In order to qualify for the World Cup, it may be Spruitland that you have to beat out for the final qualifying spot. What do you think your chances are in the rematches?

A: Well, I think we sent a good message with our last result. We really came through on the final day of Cup of Harmony Qualifying to get a big result over the favored nation. I don't see any reason why we can't do it again, and hey, if we can do it twice theres no reason to think it won't catapult us into the top 3 and back into the World Cup Finals, just as long as we don't get complacent against the smaller teams.

Thank You for your time Jualiar, best of luck during the campaign.




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World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43)

World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story

Wentland Messenger

The purists were outraged when the squad was released. Barely any Crowhurst players in sight, but plenty of new caps. And they were the kind of players cut from the same cloth as their manager.

It was expected that Tom Burnside would make his debut, as his marshalling of the Maitland defence has brought the Red Tide unexpected stability, and with big Lennie Newton proving surprisingly effective up front he deserves a chance to return to the international stage.

But the midfield is more likely to appear in the dock than on NS Superstars. Graham Clay appears to be the first choice clogger, with three red cards last season for the Killers of Kelburn, but Carl Hunter and Nick Starkey will also be expected to mix it up. And as for the defence...well, Hacker has always been considered defensive, but the sheer preponderance of defensive options is surely to cover for the fact that they will often be suspended. Blake Wright knows about the international stage but Dave Savage will live up to his name and one fears for the opposition when Ben Bolster, Vicious Vic Guthrie and the Red Tide's arch-assassin Keith Basset get on to the pitch.

And the first game is against Spaam. Norman Hacker could not have wished for a better start as this game is already at a pitch - if we are to qualify we need points from this fixture. We expect the Swifts to line up as follows:

Robinson

Eager Wright Burnside Savage Jarvis

Clay Lawrence Weston Kent

Newton

"Sir, your schedule has been realeased, here it is." Greg Hughes' scretary said.

"Thank You." he replied.

*reads*

MD1:@ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD2:vs Nikea
MD3:vs Spindomia
MD4:@ Qazox
MD5:vs Raging Penguins
MD6:@ Rordia
MD7:@ Eseck
MD8:vs Assegai Developments
MD9:@ Starblaydia
MD10:vs Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
MD11:@ Nikea
MD12:@ Spindomia
MD13:vs Qazox
MD14:@ Raging Penguins
MD15:vs Rordia
MD16:vs Eseck
MD17:@ Assegai Developments
MD18:vs Starblaydia.

He faxed the paper to his father, Harry Hughes, who is the President of The Quakmybush Football Association, QMBFA for short. He set up where the home games would be played.

MD2 vs Nikea (Quitiz Athletic Center) (62,000)
MD3 vs Spindomia (Jinkton City Field) (100,000)
MD5 vs Raging Penguins (Cherrywood Stadium) (134,000)
MD8 vs Assegai Developments (Dreton University Field) (10,000)
MD10 vs Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (Xed City Stadium) (201,000)
MD13 vs Qazox (Fort Erie Stadium) (181,000)
MD15 vs Rordia (Ruckus Room) (115,000)
MD16 vs Eseck (Hughes Atheletic Field) (60,000)
MD18 vs Starblaydia (Xed City Stadium) (201,000)

He recieved the message back and posted the schedule in the team's clubhouse.

Don't Choke This Time!
Can Starblaydia do one better?

When you look at it, Khim Azanulbizarn didn't have such a bad time as Manager of Starblaydia. Taking over in the wake of a glorious World Cup 25 victory, Khim led his team to a First, Second and Third place finish in his five cups in charge, making the Second Round and Quarter-Finals on the two other occasions. Starblaydi sides under Azanulbizarn lost just three Qualifying matches in the sixteen years of his reign - all of them at home - to Spaam, Harlesburg and Oliverry. Nobody else.

Jaime Oberlander, the only Starblaydi to win two World Cups as a player, takes command of the squad after stints as Under-21 Manager and as assistant to previous Managers like Azanulbizarn and Geraint Evans, notable AOCAF coach. Like Azanulbizarn his style will be led by a tough and versatile defence, propping up a skillful and determined midfield, topped off by two excellent strikers.

Making her second appearance in the Number-One shirt is Paola Mendez, sure to win her 50th cap at some point during the Qualifiers. Though still seething over the two goals she conceeded in the latest Final against Bedistan - the first time Starblaydia had lost by two goals in eight years - she's back at the age of thirty-four for one last shot at winning that one game to make her and everyone else in the team a legend.

In defence, Starblaydia are captained by Stephen Adams, a man who has been in the last two squads and has exactly fifty caps to his name. An excellent leader and dogged defender, he is matched perfectly with his fellow central defender, Darijo Cravex, the type of player who makes strikers wish they had a niggling injury flare up before the match. If he man-marks you, expect bumps, bruises and a game without a goal, at best. Flying down one wing, Christian Averette has to get just one more goal to be the top-scoring defender ever on the national team, sharing a record of eight goals with former centre-back and perennial corner-threat Herge Costa. Down the other flank is Claudio González, a young man who cites Oberlander himself as his sporting idol. The substitutes are relatively young, in Aleksandr Rekeseski and Luis Jover Navarro Ruiz, but don't underestimate the experience that Magdalena Ruiz (no relation) brings with her AOCAF14 Winners' Medal.

A similar story with Marissa Cortez the thirty-three year old who bring big-game experience from the last three World Cups, including a Championship in '28. Though she has lost her Number-Seven shirt to the incredibly-skilled Rajko Dakic, her weight of knowledge is sure to help out this younger side. Young'uns like Talenii Karo, who at twenty-seven is still regarded as a bright young thing in the world of international football, sitting in a defensive position behind the ever-youtful feature of thirty year-old Donii, the creative force behind Starblaydia's attacking intentions. He will surely be a mentor for Nuno Volaré, a twenty-three year old sure to take his place in the next World Cup.

As for strikers, one would think Starblaydia would be reeling from the recent losses of Dasha Tokacheva, Jackie Maitland and Johan Keifner - three giants of the game who make up the top three Starblaydi international goalscorers of all time. Those three between them notched up one hundred and fifty three goals in their international careers to date, but if any country can survive the retirement of their three greatest-ever strikers, it is Starblaydia. First there comes Kaza Matranga the fifth in a long line of family footballers from the Matranga home, though she's only scored four goals so far, she is just twenty-three and has played but eight games for the national team. She will be partnered alongside the hulking centre forward Lawrence Asante. A man who's already breached the milestone of fifteen goals for his country - based on the tally Nikola Lazerevski had acquired upon retirement - he'll be the spearhead of any attack. One the bench are two more young'uns, Julio Cruz and the ever-confident Stracinho, supported by yet another mother-figure on the subsitutes bench, Janica Rocca.

Those are the players from Starblaydia to watch - that's actually almost all of them, but they are the Number-One-ranked squad in the entire bloody 100,651-nation world, after all - but who are the nations Starblaydia must watch in the coming eighteen matches?

[001] :: Starblaydia
[020] :: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
[029] :: Quakmybush
[045] :: Qazox
[051] :: Raging Penguins
[063] :: Rordia
[084] :: Spindomia
[090] :: Nikea
[131] :: Eseck
[N/A] :: Assegai Developments

Quite obviously, there are two Atlantian Oceania derbies in there, as the top three sides all come from the sporting Super-Power. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega are Starblaydia's northern neighbours and ancient cultural brothers, in fact, separated only by a single thin channel of water. Quakmybush, however, lay all the way on the opposite side of AO from Starblaydia, way down in the far south-west, and they will be the last team Starblaydia faces before - presumably - travelling either over the border to The Lowland Clans or across Calania to Vilita itself.

The ever-violent Raging Penguins are sure to cause some 'difficulties', while the previously unknown Assegai Developments claim two tournament wins under their belts already, as the winners of the 'Galaxy Cup' and 'Assegai Invitational Autumn Tournament' - whatever they are - take to the world stage for the first time.

Can Starblaydia expect another 100% record from this campaign? Probably not, but it'll sure be fun watching them attempt it, and a run all the way to a trophy-lifting occasion in World Cup Thirty-One.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

SQUAD SCHEDULE RELEASED
Team Prepare for Nineteenth Sunday After Pentecost With Fasting, Prayer

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The footballing monks of the Archregimancy today released details of their schedule for the rest of the month:

18 Wednesday (Fast Day - Fish, Wine & Oil Allowed)
Apostle and Evangelist Luke

19 Thursday
Prophet Joel

20 Friday (Fast Day)

21 Saturday
Memorial Saturday

22 Sunday
19th Sunday after Pentecost
Icon of Our Lady of Kazan
45th anniversary of priestly ordination of retired Primate Metropolitan Theodosius of St. Catherine's in the Desert

23 Monday
Apostle James, the Brother of the Lord
40th anniversary of priestly ordination of Archbishop Mark of the Grand Lavra

24 Tuesday
Icon of Our Lady - “Joy of All Who Sorrow”

25 Wednesday (Fast Day)
No Event scheduled for this date.

26 Thursday
Greatmartyr Demetrius

27 Friday (Fast Day)
Diocesan Assembly of the Holy Monastery of Simonopetra

28 Saturday
Repose of St. Job of Pochaev
Diocesan Assembly of the Holy Monastgery of Borisoglebsky

29 Sunday
20th Sunday after Pentecost

In other news, the national team's World Cup qualifying schedule was also released, with the first match believed to be away against potential Satan-inspired banana skin Iansisle. Coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable is said to have accepted the schedule with the usual fatalistic humility, and is said to be unconcerned with the match schedule so long as the squad's attention to the liturgical calendar is left undisturbed.

Address: http://www.ffa-courier.bwd/en/sport/
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Baptism of Fire champions getting ready for World Cup qualifiers

YTIC LATIPAC - Coach Rehsurc and his team have been preparing for the World Cup at the Max Power Stadium training field, just outside Latipac. Sponsor Bram the Bored donated a set of football-playing androids that can be programmed to mimic the style of any opponent which the team used for practice matches. "We have won all our matches against the robot-team so far," Rehsurc said, "But I must admit that may be due to the lack of information we have on most of our opponents. Also, the sponsor does allow me to mention that these androids are merely a prototype and we have been told the original team of programmers barely even knows what football is. They seemed to think it included machine guns because one of the goalkeeper bots decided shooting the ball was the best defence earlier today. Luckily none of my players got hurt in the incident."

Practice matches against android teams is not the only training the team is receiving. "Oh no, of course not," Rehsurc said. "As you may recall from the Baptism of Fire, Yawenaj played very well the day after she spent the night at her now fiancé Enarhcoc's hotelroom, so now I've ordered to team to spend every night at Enarhcoc's nearby villa. It seems to be paying off, and they are all adults, so whatever they do there, it's legal. At least, as long as they don't decide to all get married like Yawenaj and Enarhcoc when the qualification matches are over, because polygamy is still illegal here in Backwardistan if I remember correctly."

Schedule

United Island Empires
Match 1: Home
Match 10: Away
Bazalonia
Match 2: Away
Match 11: Home
Reanimated States
Match 3: Away
Match 12: Home
Nedalia
Match 4: Away
Match 13: Home
Anathematic Republics
Match 5: Home
Match 14: Away
Brownwick
Match 6: Away
Match 15: Home
Bedistan
Match 7: Away
Match 16: Home
Risa-Aramour
Match 8: Away
Match 17: Home
Errinundera
Match 9: Home
Match 18: Away

All matches at home will be played in the Max Power Stadium in Ytic Latipac, which has a capacity of 45,500.

Demot Daily ~ Dig It?

So, what better way to kick off a new tournament than hosting an up and coming squad eh? This tournament was going to be a test from the very beggining for the Dynamo, then when the group draw was announced, the outcome for the Dynamo got severely bleaker. Yet with announcement of the schedule, there was the fleeting images of hope that began to rekindle. As the tournament's start draws ever the nearer, the passion that overtook the country during the last qualifiers is back and in full swing. Watching parties are being made, and people have camped out outside of Skyhaven Fortress for the last week, waiting for this opening match. Divensi is indeed a worthy foe, finishing rather well in the recent BoF. While they don't have more expierence than the Dynamo , thier recent success has been quite documented. This leads this reporter to believe that an upset might be in the brewing on this opening day. It is true that Demot finished off the last qualifiers and then the Cup of Harmony badly, but their last result was very positive, completely dominating their opposition seven to one in the Wooden Spoon match. That result is three years ago though, and new faces have appeared on the squad, yet the fire that allowed them to stun Hockey Canada is ever present. Do I expect a win from Divensi? No, that would require something out of this world. Do I expect a good match? Absolutely. I think this team is ready to have some success since its' run in the BoF, and while not likely qualifying this time, finish respectably, but still behind Demot. And that will all start this match, with just falling to our Dynamo by a goal I think and then a draw with Commerce Heights next week! Let the bell tower in Mirria ring loud with pride for the Dynamo, for they are ready to make a mark.

Schedule
MD1: Demot v Divensi
MD2: Commerce Heights v Demot
MD3: Sativaville v Demot
MD4: Dj8989 v Demot
MD5: Demot v Elves Security Forces
MD6: Ikeea v Demot
MD7: Krytenia v Demot
MD8: Dorian and Sonya v Demot
MD9: Demot v Cataduanes
MD10: Divensi v Demot
MD11: Demot v Commerce Heights
MD12: Demot v Sativaville
MD13: Demot v Dj8989
MD14: Elves Security Forces v Demot
MD15: Demot v Ikeea
MD16: Demot v Krytenia
MD17: Demot v Dorian and Sonya
MD18: Cataduanes v Demot

Article By Jasmine Olyvander

Somewhere in Vilita.......

Shit! That was the the thought that was pervading Alan's consciousness as he ran back to the main hall, he'd shall we say distracted by a lovely blonde waitress and completely forgotten about the draw and how he was meant to be there. As he got near the hall he slowed down, and walked in. He looked up and found that the draw had been made, and looked to see where we were, his eyes scanned till he saw Group 5

Group 5
Casari - 4th
The Islands of Qutar - 17th
Northern Caesarea - 34th
Vuam and Isma - 41st
Harlesburg - 58th
System Karela - 69th
The Mice of Miceland - 72nd
Anastasiania - 101st
Okielahoma - 131st
Ancient Byzantine - Unranked


Phew, he thought to himself, no-one had missed him. His mind started to wonder over the teams in the group, Casari is going to be a tough game and Northern Caesarea always seem to do better than expected, manged to win a tidy profit on them qualifying last time round, Vuam and Isma however don't seem too big a threat. Harlesburg..... he struggled to remember seeing them play, but by their ranking doesn't seem to big a thread, as his eyes glanced down to the next team he sighed, System Karela, defense is the best defense seems to be thier motto, bunch of crazy religious zealots he thought. The Mice of Miceland, oh dear that means we're going to have to make special arrangements for the home game, Anastasiania...... his thoughts turn back to the blonde waitress Anna who's just walked back in adjusting her skirt and gives a naughty little wink, tonight's going to be fun just like watching us thrashing Anastasiania & Okielahoma. Well tonights going to be more fun.... I hope, and last but not least oh it seems to be a temporally challenged country, probably some idiot was messing with time again and brought a load of confused Romans here, oh well.... Time to go see Anna

Konigseifert Chronicle
World Cup XXXI Qualifying Begins
Go go standard preview section!

It's hard to believe that 3 World Cups have gone by since we entered WC28 unranked. Geisenfried and the Golden Eagles now sit at 49th in the world, a great deal of change from those days, and many of the players who worked to get this new rank are now retired. Out of 24, only 3 remain: the captain and perennial scoring leader Samuel Wolfe, the midfield anchor Christoph Schlegel and the defensive veteran Sigmund Duhring. One player, Wolfgang Genz, is even the son of one of the original players, Karl Genz, who now works as an assistant to manager Hermann Wiltz. A few have experience from WC30, but the rest are fresh from the pot. What challenges will these young men face?

Unfortunately, what looks to be a Group of Death. 2 in the top 20, 5 in the top 50, followed by a team in the 60s, one in the 70s, and one in the low 100s before it drops down to the two underdogs, one ranked in the 200s and one completely unranked.

Matchdays 1 & 10:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/germany--66.jpg
Dictatorship of Tryanny
Current Ranking: Unranked
One of the low rank teams always present for one World Cup before dropping out, we don't know much about them. What we do know is that the new guys should be able to get in the swing of things with an easy match, or else something's seriously wrong.
Predicted Group Placement: 10th

Matchdays 2 & 11:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kericia.jpg
Republic of Kericia
Current Ranking: 61
A mid-ranked team that, while not particularly strong, will likely cause many annoyances for the teams above them, as most mid-ranks tend to do. The Golden Eagles must make sure to avoid mid-rank upsets if they are hoping to qualify out of this rough group.
Predicted Group Placement: 7th

Matchdays 3 & 12:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/montegrande.jpg
Socialist Republic of Montegrande
Current Ranking: 112
Seems to be one of those near-100 ranked teams that can either wreak all sorts of havoc on the qualifier hopefuls or could possibly shrivel and only get wins from the bottom ranks. How will they do? We're not sure, but this group looks too tough for them to do much, even if they pull an upset or two.
Predicted Group Placement: 8th

Matchdays 4 & 13:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/magnus_valerius.jpg
Grand Empire of Magnus Valerius
Current Ranking: 43
The first serious contender on the board. Previous team history indicates that they'll either be breathing right down the necks of the qualifiers or completely fizzle and end up several spots lower than they probably should be. Since we have our own qualification hopes, we'd rather have the latter than the former, but we think they'll manage to stay above most of the ranks lower than them.
Predicted Group Placement: 5th

Matchdays 5 & 14:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/chicanada.jpg
Federal Cantons of Chicanada
Current Ranking: 24
Major games here, as if we want to qualify, we have to get into the top three, and to get in the top three, we need to knock off one of the top three. And these guys are third. Geisenfried's qualification hopes may live or die in these couple set of games, and the Golden Eagles need at least one win against Chicanada if they want to get in.
Predicted Group Placement: 4th

Matchdays 6 & 15:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/greenland.jpg
Federation of Cyredel
Current Ranking: 204
The other really low ranked team that will be battling it out with Tryanny to stay out of the cellar. Not much else to say than we should get 6 points or there's something very wrong with the Golden Eagles.
Predicted Group Placement: 9th

Matchdays 7 & 16:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/ariddia.jpg
People's Democratic Socialist Republic of Ariddia*
Current Ranking: 10
If you're frustrated with all the hype concerning the World Cup, blame these guys, as over 120 years ago, they were the founders and host of the first World Cup. They've had a return to glory and are now the top seed in this division. Upsets would bode very well for Geisenfried if we hope to qualify.
Predicted Group Placement: 2nd

Matchdays 8 & 17:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_macabees.jpg
Empire of the Golden Throne of the Macabees
Current Ranking: 79
A nation well known for its industrial strength and military prowess. Sports-wise however, they've been lackluster, hovering in the mid-ranks for quite a while now. They should still be watched, though, as they'll like be a source of the mid-rank upset bug that will drive the top ranks crazy.
Predicted Group Placement: 6th

Matchdays 9 & 18:
http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/jeruselem.jpg
Holy Arc of Jeruselem
Current Ranking: 12
Another very strong team that did well in the last World Cup and looks to be strong again. They should qualify without too much trouble. As for our chances? An upset would be very nice for qualification hopes, and isn't out of the question.
Predicted Group Placement: 1st

If you're wondering that puts Geisenfried at third, enough to qualify. While some might find it improbable, we have nothing to say other than we're biased. First match, as mentioned, will be against Tryanny, which will take place in Crown Stadium at Konigseifert, as will all home matches.

Schedule
Geisenfried ?-? Tryanny
Kericia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Montegrande
Geisenfried ?-? Magnus Valerius
Chicanada ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Cyredel
Geisenfried ?-? Ariddia
The Macabees ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Jeruselem
Tryanny ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Kericia
Montegrande ?-? Geisenfried
Magnus Valerius ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Chicanada
Cyredel ?-? Geisenfried
Ariddia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? The Macabees
Jeruselem ?-? Geisenfried
Black for Home
Red for Away

Tables (Even though nothing's happened yet.)
Nation: W L D PT GF GA TGD
Ariddia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Jeruselem 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Chicanada 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Magnus Valerius 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Geisenfried 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kericia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Macabees 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Montegrande 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Cyredel 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Tryanny 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

*-(OOC: I'm not quite sure what 'PDSR' means, but I'm taking an educated guess. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct.)

"Where the hell is Hill." Mina Darcosi said, trying to dig a hole in the practice field with her heel. "This whole Orthodox crap better not screw up our practice."

"For god's sakes, I've never seen someone so desperate to practice before." Reimar said. "It's not like our strategy is going to any different than usual."

"You're just mad because you're godawful every single practice." Darcosi said, watching as the rest of the team milled about. "Either way, this seems more like the team I was on back when I was six than a national soccer team, and I'm not overly willing to just get rolled over."

Gradually, practice eventually did start. Running around the field, warmups, generally stupid crap like that. It took a good hour for Hill to finally show up and begin yelling various encouragements and insults at her players, just like every good manager should. However, a few differences were noticeable.

"She's committing less blasphemy than usual, isn't she?" Reimar said as he blew by the second string defender and took a shot at the goal.

"I dunno, it seems like it. Usually we have to hear about how our inadequate playing skills would make God cry." Robert Ness said, skidding to a stop as Darcosi caught the ball and booted it the other way.

"Just because it's true in your cases doesn't mean she has to say it every single day." Darcosi said, rolling her eyes as play proceeded on the other end of the field.

Hill gradually waved them in, looking over the team as they crowded around. "Alright. First off, you didn't look absolutely horrible today, which bodes well for our first match.

"We play Vaum and Isma. We should win, but for some reason I have a feeling we'll mystifyingly end up playing awful for some pointless and obscure reasons and lose. Either way, we'll need a good performance out of everyone.

"Second, our schedule. After this we have 4 home games, and then 4 away games. Now, I have no real reason why we got nailed by this random block scheduling, but if I had to come up with a reason, I'd say it's because they're clearly biased against us. But by government order I'm not allowed to come up with reasons for anything anymore, as they seem to be either entirely wrong, disturbingly accurate, or cause riots in at least ten cities.

"Lastly, I want to make sure you all get your flu shots. Because of our continuing problems with sprinkler systems, we'll more than likely be playing some cold weather matches on a wet field, and if you do things like get sick and die, I'll have to call up a replacement, and then we might possibly be worse than we already are. Therefore, along with the whole 'No smoking crack' and 'No going on a multinational crime spree and spending 40 years in a federal prison, living on bread and water and living out your best playing years being someone's boyfriend/girlfriend', we have the new rule, 'Don't get any horrible diseases and give it to the rest of the team so we have to call up a bunch of amateurs.' Understand?"

A few "Yes coach"s indicated an unenthusiastic, yet positive, response.

"Good. I want you all to get those flu shots before we leave for Vaum and Isma in a few days. And if you don't get one, I'm going to pull a pillowcase over your head and have you beaten with a bag of doorknobs. Now, I have the strangest craving for waffles, so let's set about wrapping this up, hmm?"

Nina blinked and looked around. "That was even weirder than our usual team meetings."

James Leriani nodded. "Remember that one time when she told us to hit the Bedistanis in their personal areas?"

Scott Edmonds just shook his head. "I try to blank days like that out."

:: This is the official MD 1 RP Cutoff ::

Matchday 1 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824364&postcount=1)

NOTE: The Turori RP was counted because of the exact same timestamp

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI
Post Key:
Media & Comments - Head Coach : Jualiar Vumaou - FAT Marketing Head : Hradeari Vrialia


So, Jualiar, what's this meeting about today?

You'll See shortly. You'll see.

Will you be bringing a cocoabo with you to the conference today? We couldn't help but notice you talking to one of the trainers just now. Will you finally be breaking the media blackout on the Cocoabo's?

Yes, there will be a Cocoabo arriving shortly. It will be a special day for the Cocoabo's and it wouldn't be the same without one of them here for the announcement. In fact, I'm being informed that the Cocoabo is now ready, so I'm going to begin the conference.

Jualiar backed away from the microphone for a minute, cleared his throat and had a small bit of tea before returning to the microphone.

As you all know, ever since we started fielding Cocoabo's for World Cup 30 Qualifying, and in their training beforehand, we have kept them out of the media spotlight, for reasons which I think everyone in this room, being the culprits at the heart of the problem, is more than aware of. Today, for the first time, however, one of our Cocoabo's will grace us with their presence here in the media room. We have an exciting announcement to make and we are honored to have one of our Cocoabo's here to share in the excitement.

After we missed out on qualification to World Cup 30, and had to settle for the Cup of Harmony, I sat down with former National Team head coach G. Q. Disterfred, and my good friends Cuolia Tuirma and Mauritus Banda. We sat for a while and thought about what we could do to improve our performance in the World Cup xXxI qualifiers. We were all in agreement that there was little we could do more to improve the skills of the Cocoabos. They are finely tuned athletes, and the only improvement we are going to see in their calibre of play at this point comes from experience, which they will gain each time they step out on to the pitch. So then we started to think, why is it that they play as if they were on par with the Starblaydia's and the Bedistan's in training sessions, but when they get to the competitive matches they seem to make more errors, missing chances and conceding goals. And then, we realized the difference. When our Cocoabo's are in training, they aren't wearing a kit. But due to internationstatal regulations, during competitive matches, our cocoabo's are wearing our national colors. Unfortunately, the kits that 3wide Designs of Vilita provided with us for our citizens in previous World Cups didn't quite fit the Cocoabo's in the same way that they fit players such as myself.

So it was determined at this moment, that we had to re-think our kit. G.Q. and myself went over to Vilita and met with the folks at 3wide Designs, and we sat in a room for three hours tossing around ideas before we finally came up with a kit that we think will both present our national colors gracefully, but also allow ease of movement for our Cocoabo's while they are on the pitch. Of course, the marketing guys had their say too, but that is the society we live in, unfortunately. Anyway, without further delay, let me present to you Cocoabo #29, one of our backup wingers, adorned in our new look, and new fit, National Kit.

An applause erupts in the room as Cocoabo #29 trots into the room regally and the camera's begin flashing uncontrollably. Unphased by the psychcadelic light patterns, Cocoabo #29 let out a bit of a screech before spinning and showing off the opposite side of the kit for the preying media representatives. The commotion and photo session lasted nearly 8 minutes, before head coach Jualiar Vumaou finally returned the the microphone.

I just want to say Thank You to Cocoabo #29 and to our trainers for allowing the Cocoabo to attend todays conference. I'd also like to say a big thank you to 3wide Designs of Lonngeylin, Vilita for working so fluidly with us in the design and development stages, and making sure we had this kit in time for the start of the World Cup xXxI Qualifiers. Now, I'd like to introduce to you Hradeari Vrialia, our Media & Marketing representative, who will tell you a little more about the kit.

Another applause began as Head Coach Jualiar Vumaou descended from the podium, and Vrialia approached the stage. before speaking, Vrialia dimmed the lights gently, and a projection containing a drawing of the new primary National Team Kit that had just been unveiled was reproduced on the wall behind the speaker.


http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/sports/kits/turcoco.gif


Thank You very much to Mr. Vumaou for his kind words about the kit. Looked great didn't it?!

In thinking about the design of the Kit, we not only considered its aesthetics for performance on the end of the Cocoabo's, but also intimidation from a visual standpoint. We thought it would be a nice touch to add the neck spikes which you can see better here on the drawing behind me then you might have been able to see on our demonstration. When our Cocoabo's are in full sprint, these neck spikes will be at full extension and really add to the flavor of the kit.

We are also working on a modified version of the kit that will be more suitable for citizens like you and me. We currently do not have any plans to release true to form versions of the kit for public sale, however, If you have a Cocoabo and would like a replica kit for your Cocoabo, please write the Football Association of Turori, Care of myself, Hradeari Vrialia, and we will attempt to work something out for you.

We will be adorning our primary kit in the opening match as we travel to the stupidly named state of Lexington, SC, however, we are currently working with 3wide Designs on the production of an Alternative kit which may be necessary later on the competition if we happen to have a conflict in color with our opposittion while we are on the road. Please look for an announcement regarding this in the near future.

Thank you all for coming today.




http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43)

World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story

[1] :: Vumaou's Flock Returns Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83)
[2] :: Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94)

QAZOXIAN TIMES

The schedule came out for the Qualifing rounds and here it is with our predictions as to how the Black Oxen will fare:

MD1 @ Nikea win
MD2 vs. Quakmybush Draw
MD3 vs. Assegai Developments Win
MD4 vs. ASMV LOSS
MD5 @ Rordia Draw
MD6 @ Starblaydia LOSS
MD7 @ Eseck Win
MD8 @ Raging Penguins Draw
MD9 vs. Spindomia Win
(predicted 1st half record: 4-3-2)
MD10 Vs.Nikea win
MD11 @ Quakmybush LOSS
MD12 @ Assegai Developments Win
MD13 @ ASMV LOSS
MD14 Vs. Rordia Win
MD15 Vs. Starblaydia LOSS
MD16 Vs.Eseck Win
MD17 Vs. Raging Penguins Win
MD18 @ Spindomia Win
(predicted 2nd half record- 6-0-3)
Predicted Overall Record: 10-3-5.. 4th place

As for Our Group Itself:

1- Starblaydia
2- ASMV
3- Quak
4- QAZOX
5- Rordia
6- Raging Penguins
7- Eseck
8- Spindomia
9- Nikea
10- Assegai Developments

Other groups: (note only qualifiers listed.. not in any particular order)
GROUP 2-
Bazalonia
Bedistan
Risa-Aramour

Group 3-
Dance 2 Revolution
Schiavonia
Rejistania

Group 4
Krytenia
Commerce Heights
Sativaville

Group 5
The Islands of Qutar
Casari
The Mice of Miceland

GROUP 6
New Montreal States
Cuation
Tadjikistan

Group 7
Chicanada
Jeruselem
Magnus Valerius

Group 8
Liverpool England
Milchama
Yafor 2

Group 9
Squornshelous
Spaam
Rorysville

Group 10
Oliverry
Spruitland
Fmjphoenix

STONER TALK



Joe Spicoli: Hey man.. they finally gave me a TV show about The WORLD Cup man. Hold on a second <audible sound of bong being smoked>. Oh, where was I? Oh yeah, The World Cup, man its like the World stops for this stuff man. I used to write for the Stoner covering the Women's team, and they like, asked Monty Python, to host this **** first, but I think he's still on vacation in Jamaica, but he'll show up sooner or later.

Anyway, the Cup draw was yesterday and our Stoners have like a heavy group here it is man:

[021] :: Commerce Heights
[005] :: Krytenia
[057] :: Sativaville
[122] :: Divensi
[192] :: Ikeea
[026] :: Cataduanes
[047] :: Dorian and Sonya
[083] :: Demot
[N/A] :: Dj8989
[064] :: Elves Security Forces

Anyway I think we'll do good, and like beat some teams except for Krytenia...Wait! that's where Monty is man.. he's still stuck in customs after trying to leave with like 5 pounds of the good- Kry-Gold man. Hold on a sec, <audible sound of bong being smoked>. Huh? oh the camera's still on? Ok. umm. Oh, yeah, like Krytenia's basically there in TLC or Vilita. Us, those faries or elves or whatever they are from D&S and Elves Security Forces and Cataduanes should have a good fight for the last 2 spots. I wanna give a shout-out to my man: Trent Rauda for being the awesome keeper he is man. Dude, remember If you get in the Cup, I'm taking you to Jamaica for some real primo stuff. ANy that's it for STONER TALK for today, peace out!

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Exciting times these, aren't they, Basil?"

"Absolutely, Theo... I think this is quite possibly the first Holy Empire match involving a serious team of proper footballers where we've been the commentators since World Cup 3!"

"That's a long time, Basil"

"Lot of water under the bridge there, Theo"

"An age.... an eternity.... an eon...."

"Let's not overdo it, Theo. And who are the opponents today?"

"Some nation called Socialist Romanistan.... Don't know much about them, except the Prince Imperial's predicted great things from them, so we could be in for a tough match - let's go straight to the game... You know... this doesn't really look like a top-class international facility... this looks more like a, well, local club facility, and they don't look like footballers.... they look more like a bunch of schoolboys and locals...."

"Could be a ploy, Theo.... Those Az-Czzrs don't look like much either, and look at how well they've managed...."

45 minutes later....

"Basil."

"Theo."

"This is, well, embarassing. A Farce. A blot on the history of the World Cup. I'm all for a convincing return for our boys to top flight, but not like this...."

"I hear you, Theo. It's one thing to beat an unranked team. It's quite another to slaughter schoolboys and to have your goalkeeper complete his hattrick by dribbling right through the middle of the opposing team. This is painful"

"6-0 at half time, Basil.... and I bet nobody - not even the coach - would have bet on Orphanatropho being our top scorer at this point."

Another 45 minutes later...

"Don't know about you, Basil, but I just don't think Socialist Romanistan belong at this level."

"Absolutely not, Theo. At least the New Montreal high school students could play. This is comedy wrapped up as tragedy wrapped up as footballing genocide. 8-1, and that one goal against only down to a comical 90th minute own-goal when Orphanatropho was looking for his fifth of the game. Four goals for our goalkeeper.... what more's there to say?"

"Nothing much, Baz, but while I'm sure we're all hoping for more Imperial success, I hope the rest of the teams give us some sterner opposition....."

So THAT'S what this whole "offense" thingie is!

Moribund offense performs CPR on self, splenectomy on Adamica in 6-1 romp

NEW MONTREAL - Your correspondent got his coattail stuck in a taxicab and was drug over twenty feet before the cabbie, who was probably drunk and/or stoned, finally contrived to brake and let me free. Although he came through okay, he went to the hospital for shock and only managed to drag his quivering form out from under the bedsheets long enough to watch the final 2:37 of the match on television, and write his opinions on the match based on that experience.

The final 2:37 were a moral triumph of epic proportions for the NMS offense. The looks of exaultation on the faces of Billy Corcoran and Andre Darcy were a joy to behold for any diehard Paladns fan. The spirit of celebrations from fans and players alike were encouragement for all. The stellar performace of Vyacheslav Kamchatski, who did not let in a single goal in those golden two and a half minutes, was a boon to those of us who had worried about the reliability of the young keeper, stepping as he is into the cleats of the legendary Rock of Dorion, Paul Chasson.

However, a word of caution should be extended to the Adamican side, whose demoralized and defeated air does not bode well for the remainder of their qualification run. They really should learn not to draw conclusions on their performance based on the final two minutes of a match. It's the other 88 that count, really, when you get down to it.

Here it is, your moment of zen.

PALADINS 6 - Corcoran 14, 65, Darcy 40, Tessier 42, F. Labranche 54, Jones 71
ADAMICA 1

OFFCIAL WORLD CUP THREAT LEVELS....processing...processing...complete.

THESE ARE THE OFFICAL WORLD CUP THREAT LEVELS FOR EACH TEAM IN GROUP 3:

REJISTANIA- THREAT LEVEL ONE- MOST DANGEROUS, DO NOT APPROACH, WILL DESTROY YOU.

SCHIAVONIA- THREAT LEVEL ONE- MOST DANGEROUS, DO NOT APPROACH, WILL DESTROY YOU.

DANCE 2 REVOLUTION- THREAT LEVEL TWO- DANGEROUS, BUT WEAKNESSES THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST THEM.

TYNELIA- THREAT LEVEL THREE- CAUTION, TEAM MAYBE STRONGER THAN THEY APPEAR.

GREEN WOMBAT- UNKNOWN THREAT LEVEL, USE OF ZOMBIFIED CORPSES MAKE THREAT ASSESSMENT INACCURATE.

NEBULEUX- THREAT LEVEL FOUR- WARNING, NO SIGNIFICANT STRENGTHS, BUT STILL ABLE TO SUPRISE TEAMS

AZ-CZ- THREAT LEVEL THREE- CAUTION, TEAM MAYBE STRONGER THAN THEY APPEAR.

SEL APPA- THREAT LEVEL FOUR- WARNING, NO SIGNIFICANT STRENGTHS, BUT STILL ABLE TO SUPRISE TEAMS.

ALGAL STATES- THREAT LEVEL FIVE- NO CHANCE OF DANGER OR UPSET FROM THIS TEAM.

PABLICOSTA- THREAT LEVEL SIX- WHY ARE THEY EVEN HERE?

END TRANSMISSION

OOC:

Group 9 M W D L F A P GD G%
Tessan 1 1 0 0 5 1 3 +4 83
Spaam 1 1 0 0 4 0 3 +4 100
Funnia Lan 1 1 0 0 4 2 3 +2 66
Squornshelous 1 1 0 0 3 2 3 +1 60
Iansisle 1 0 1 0 3 3 1 +0 50
The Archregimancy 1 0 1 0 3 3 1 +0 50
Rorysville 1 0 0 1 2 3 0 -1 40
Lord of Hosts 1 0 0 1 2 4 0 -2 33
Tocapa 1 0 0 1 1 5 0 -4 16
Wentland 1 0 0 1 0 4 0 -4 0

Konigseifert Chronicle
Golden Eagles Clean House
Geisenfried rolls through unranked Tryanny 5-0

And so, the race towards Vilita and the Lowland Clans begins. As a first test, Geisenfried faced unranked Tryanny. Most looked at the match as a health check, to see how the Golden Eagles were performing after multiple changes. The answer? Beautifully. From beginning to end, there was no contest and little mercy spared onto the unranked team, with the end result going five-nil in favor of the home team, and showed that Geisenfried was on the right track.

As soon as the whistle blowed and the match began, Samuel Wolfe began pushing deep in Tryanny territory, passing right through the midfield and toward the defense. The defenders began swarming at him, but Wolfe simply dumped the ball off to Conrad Kopfgeld, who found plenty of room to cross to an open Wolfgang Genz, who made a laser shot than flew past the Tryannian goalie Richard Detrot to make it 1-0 four minutes in. Around 10 minutes later, the offense pressed again, this time with Genz leading the charge. When pressed by the defense, he slipped the ball towards Max Sauber, who blew by his defender and pocketed it past Detrot once more to make 2-0 just over a quarter hour in. Another 15 minutes later, a long ball from Jakob Wagner got to Kopfgeld, who managed to get past his defenders with some footwork and moved unhindered towards the goal, dumping it past Detrot once again for 3-0. Ten minutes after the half, Geisenfried once again was on the offensive, with Wolfe ahead. The defenders managed to keep Kopfgeld, Sauber and Wolfe in check, but were helpless as Wolfe made a quick kick backwards to an open Genz, who hammered the ball into the top right pocket to make it 4-0. With 70 minutes gone, Wolfe managed to get past an offside trap set by Tryannia and was all alone as he sent it past a very frustrated Detrot to put it at 5-0, where it would stay.

Geisenfried: 5
Tryanny: 0
Genz (GSF-4'), Sauber (GSF-16'), Kopfgeld (GSF-33'), Genz (GSF-56'), Wolfe (GSF-72')

Geisenfried now heads to Kericia in their next game. With the Macabees upsetting Chicanada and Magnus Valerius losing to Jeruselem, Geisenfried now has an opportunity they need to exploit if they expect to qualify.

Schedule
Geisenfried 5-0 Tryanny
Kericia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Montegrande
Geisenfried ?-? Magnus Valerius
Chicanada ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Cyredel
Geisenfried ?-? Ariddia
The Macabees ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Jeruselem
Tryanny ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Kericia
Montegrande ?-? Geisenfried
Magnus Valerius ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Chicanada
Cyredel ?-? Geisenfried
Ariddia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? The Macabees
Jeruselem ?-? Geisenfried
Black for Home
Red for Away

Tables
Nation W L D PT GF GA TGD
Geisenfried 1 0 0 3 5 0 +5
Ariddia 1 0 0 3 4 1 +3
The Macabees 1 0 0 3 2 1 +1
Jeruselem 1 0 0 3 1 0 +1
Kericia 1 0 0 3 1 0 +1
Chicanada 0 1 0 0 1 2 -1
Magnus Valerius 0 1 0 0 0 1 -1
Montegrande 0 1 0 0 0 1 -1
Cyredel 0 1 0 0 1 4 -3
Tryanny 0 1 0 0 0 5 -5

(ooc: damn missed the cut off.. ce-la-vie)

DOWNLOADING DAY ONE SCORES...processing....processing...complete.

MATCHDAY ONE SCORE- ALGAL STATES 0- GREEN WOMBAT 2

GOALS: A1C SCOOBY DOO (2)- 56TH MINUTE, 75TH MINUTE

GAME SUMMARY:

Green Wombat came out to prove that the last Cup run was not a fluke and they started right with a 2-0 win on the road against Algal States. the 1st half was slow and tedious as each side looked for easy oppertunities. But none were to be found and the 1st half ended 0-0. Early in the 2nd half, Scooby Doo found his way past the A.S. defence and scored giving the Fighting Zombie Womabts a 1-0 lead. A.S. tried to attack, but the strong play of Private 1st Class Randy Johnson in net kept the shut-out alive. In the 75th minute, Scooby Doo scored again, providing the final score of 2-0.

“Greetings Assegai, this is Luna Lovegood reporting live from Cathedral Park, where our beloved Riskbreakers just suffered the worst humiliation in the history of Assegai Football, a 0-7 loss to a team of unknowns that came in and decimated our team.

“There was nothing anyone on the squad could do but just play until the end. Assegai keeper Callo Merlose was replaced at halftime and substitute Akihiko Yoshida suffered no less than her. After the game was over, a couple of Assegai players got into a shoving match with one member of the other squad, words were exchanged and few swings thrown. The teams were separated and Assegai left the field with no further incidents.”

Luna turns to forward Dominic Saint-Émilion, who looks royally pissed.

“Dominic—”

“F*cking... What the f*ck. Who the f*ck f*cked this f*cking... How did these f*cking f*cks... F*CK!”

Luna stares at him slackjawed.

Dominic scratches his head. “Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word, doesn’t it, Luna?”

She nods, still slackjawed.

“F*ck it, Luna,” he continues. “There's so much sh*t that pisses me off! You guys should have seen how it was on the field. By the end of the match, I was sick and f*cking tired of jogging down the field, waiting for one of these crack-piping, *ss-wiping, motherless lowlifes to foul me!”

Luna nods, finally regaining her composure.

“Well, we certainly agree it was the worst beating in the history of our sport. What’s your opinion of the other team’s performance?”

“What's my opinion of their performance!?” Dominic explodes. “What the f*ck do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was F*CKING HORSESH*T. Put that in every paper, I don't f*cking care. Opinion of their performance!!? Sh*t, they beat us 7-0 in front of our home crowd! What the f*ck do you mean, 'What is my opinion of their performance?' How could you ask me a question like that, 'What is my opinion of their performance?' Sh*t, they scored seven goals on us! Sh*t. I'm f*cking pissed off to lose the f*cking game. And you ask me my opinion of their performance! Sh*t. That's a tough question to ask me, isn't it? 'What is my opinion of their performance?'”

Luna steps back looking like she’s about to burst into tears, when Assegai captain Ashley Riot arrives on the scene.

“Dominic, that’s enough of that garbage,” he yells at him. “Get the hell out of here! You’re suspended for the next five games!”

“I’m sorry, Ashley, I just lost it,” Dominic replies bashfully. He turns to Luna who’s crying softly. “I apologize, Ms. Lovegood. Please forgive me.”

Dominic walks off, head slung low.

“Sorry about Dominic, Luna,” says Riot, trying to comfort her. “We all feel pretty miserable right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of my teammates want to quit right now. But you know what? The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination. Up until now, we’ve experience nothing but success in our local and regional competitions. Now we’re up against brutal opponents that will show us no respect at all. Unfortunately, about the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure.”

Luna nods, drying her tears.

“Thanks Ashley,” she says. “I love you guys. Every goal tonight was like a stab to the heart. I hope you can do better as this hell continues with other teams.”

Ashley hugs her. “Thanks, Luna. By the way, it says a lot of our supporters to remain in the stands until the final whistle. It’s the true heart of our Valandian ancestors shining through and I appreciate it.”

He nods to her and turns back toward the nearby locker room.

“Well fans, this is Luna Lovegood signing off for now. Thanks for tuning in tonight.”

Oh dear.

As the strains of "Brave New World" played over the soundscape at the King's Reach, Norman Hacker starde malevolently back at the pitch. He could not do so from the sidelines, having marked his international management debut by being ordered to the stands by referee Mr Trim after one too many verbal diatribes aimed at the match officials.

Norman Hacker is not a sympathetic character and he would not demand any. But one would have thought that his defensive, stop-at-all-costs approach would have at least stolen a point from a team ranked 10 places higher and having to visit the odd Fleetway stadium.

Instead it was too ultra-defensive and could not cope when you ended up with three defenders against three strikers. Which is what you do end up with when you have two sent off.

The tone for the match was set in the first ten seconds. Graham Clay had hoped to make an impact at international level and he did - straight through Maban Bice who was left writing in agony by the touchline. Clay was fortunate to stay on the pitch and Bice was soon substituted having failed to shake off the injury. Ray Jarvis was not so lucky, seeing red for a challenge that could safely be described as agricultural in the 38th minute that had Retallack off for four minutes receiving treatment.

When Dave Savage also saw red for an elbow on Trevelyan the game was pretty obviously up. It was already 2-0 and there was still half-an-hour to go.

To his credit Hacker did try to shake things up, bringing on Treves and Saint and moving to an anaemic 3-4-2-cum-3-3-3 but it did not work. Saint did strike the woodwork but the rampaging Waffles flooded the goalmouth with orange shirts as the Wentland midfield was overrun and a couple of quick goals with 15 minutes to go did for the Swifts. Spaam seemed to take pity on their hapless opponents, easing off late on and Treves scored what would have been a wonder goal but for a dubious flag, and Wentland finish their first match under Norman Hacker's charge bottom of Group 9.

Next up: a trip to Iansisle, involved in a freescoring thriller in the Dreamed Realm. Perhaps this is where Wentland get their campaign started.

"This wasn't expected."

"No, but it worked, didn't it? The players went out there, were sloppy and horrible, but still won. And I get to yell at them to buck up."

"How much is the Milchamian FA getting for this?"

"Oh, they didn't know a thing. Apparently their players are used to playing on very soggy pitches, so they didn't realise we had heavily sanded it [ooc: think Chelsea]. As you saw, they took the 2-0 lead into half-time, letting me yell at the lads for doing badly."

"Highly unconventional, innit? What about for home games? There's no way the clubs using the stadia will let us sand the pitch."

"It doesn't matter. At home, the boys will be expected to win pretty much all our games. What would be interesting, though, is if we scheduled that Alasdair I Frosticus match for the National Stadium, so we can heavily sand it. Watching their players run around on a soggy, sandy pitch will be hilarious."

"Okay, whatever you say..."

"What's our next game? Did anyone bother to find out?"

"Yeah, I have the list around here somewhere..."

"Bunch of useless idiots you are."

"Sorry... Uh, we're away to Yafor 2 next."

"Hmm, do you think they'll let us sand that pitch, too?"

"No, don't be an idiot. Oh wait, you are one. Look, you two will get your pay soon. I have a meeting with [Thomas] Lunson. You two just run along, now..."

"Yes, boss..."

It was a scandal. If Marc Newells ever got found out, he'd probably be banned from football - and from politics. Probably would be jailed, too. Imagine that, the ex-Prime Minister of the country, jailed. He wiped the thought off his mind, as Lunson knocked on his door.

"Come in."

"Marc, I've heard about your plan."

"You have? Oh, shit. How?"

"You don't want to know. Now, I want you to no logner come into the dressing rooms at half-time and full-time. I'm the manager, not you. Also, if this keeps up, I'll splash this across the papers. No warnings, nothing."

"So you're holding me to ransom? I could fire you at any time."

"Try me. The media would want to interview me, probably on LIVE TV, why I've been sacked. You don't want that now, do you?"

"Why, you little..."

"Remember. Out of the dressing rooms at team talks. No further shenanigans."

"Just get the fuck out of here."

Az-cz Scroll
Mil-Bax
Em-Nm

Gnomes defend their castle

The Pink & Green opened the world cup 31 qualifying campaign in Burlock Castle and proceeded to make national history. Playing against a team that beat them twice in qualifying for world cup 30 they found revenge and earned their first ever win against a higher ranked team in world cup related play, beating Nebuleux 1-0.

The game was not as high paced as the Az-czid fans in the stadium would've liked and it took quite a while for the Gnomes to find their goal. It took a little while for the gnomes to settle into the 4-5-1 and Nebuleux came out in a formation that seems to be geared specifically towards stopping Az-cz. They made an interesting decision to leave Pizelkaxrovsky open for the most part and focus on taking away his passing options. Doing that meant a lot of commitment to defense.

That eventually opened the door for the Az-cz team. With Nebuleux playing very conservative the team worked the way the coaches said it would. The wing defenders really started to push forward into the attack, and indeed unlike the Bazalonian game, both of them could drift up in unison safely because of Nebuleux's played back formation.

Eventually in the 70th minute the two defenders worked together to set up the only goal of the game. Haji-Me swung the ball to Ml-Dni who got it to Levesque with room to make some good moves and get off a blistering shot that found the back of the net.

Nebuleux tried to push forward after that, but Zax-Im and Hubertino were in fine form. The Az-cz counter attack came alive and twice they almost doubled the scoreline. One fine save on a Stanleyinho shot in the 82nd minute and a Kn-Dg shot off the post in the 86th minute could of provided much needed breathing room. But the defense held firm and Az-cz now finally had a win against a higher ranked team after failing in all 8 chances last qualifying.

The win provides a nice boost as the team begins their first run of three away games. First up is Tynelia, who looked fantastic in blistering the Cup of Harmony holders D2R 3-0. As for Nebuleux they look to regroup at home, but their opponent is a wounded Rejistania, making things tough for them.

Stats

Score Az-cz 1 Nebuleux 0
Shots Az-cz 14 Nebuleux 2
Corners Az-cz 0 Nebuleux 0

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f141/DarthBunny/ns_stuff/sg-title.png
Read SG online - http://sports.rta/gazette/

'Holy Mother of Zoot, We Won?!'
by Charles Neumann

FMJPHOENIX - Ropa-Topia's first WC31 qualification match was played today in the nation with the rather unpronounceable name Fmjphoenix (Ef-em-jay-phoenix? Femjay?). The Femjay-Phoenicians or whatever they might call themselves were expected to win this match, but to the surprise of many they didn't win. I repeat, Fmjphoenix did not win. Not even a draw!

With three goals to one, Klungelaer's team took them by surprise, and the Uhuh-Ropean coach himself still seems to be unable to believe what happened. "Holy mother of Zoot, we won?! But they ... ranked eight... We... Eighty-seven... We won?" was all he managed to say to the press before one of his assistants took over.

"You'll have to excuse poor Coach Klungelaer. He finally had begun to accept that losing was going to be unavoidable against some of our opponents in group 10. The fact that we won today came as a slight shock to me, but for Mr. Klungelaer... He will probably have recovered in time for next week's match against Oliverry, but if this will have any long-term effects on his ability to deal with losses is a question I cannot answer."

When a journalist from BtB Sports Magazine asked if this meant that the coach might start attacking journalists again at press conferences, the assistant coach merely commented, "Avoid stupid questions like the one you just asked, and we can make sure nobody will get hurt, no matter how today's game will affect Coach Klungelaer in the long term."

Jo-El: Congratulations to the team on a nice victory over Nebuleux. Joining us today are coach Hawdon, Zax-Im, and Man of the Match James Levesque.

Hawdon: I'm very proud of our guys. Nebuleux is tough opponent, but they've shown their improvement and their understanding of this system. Nebuleux used their knowledge of us to craft a very good defense against Pizelkaxrovsky, but the defense stepped up and totally shut Nebuleux down while also providing an offensive spark. I think it also helped the team to know that even against an opponent focused on stopping Pizelkaxrovsky they could do damage.

Az-cz reporter 1: Zax-Im, explain the relief of getting revenge against Nebuleux and the higher ranked team monkey off your back?

Zax-Im: It felt good. We tried hard all last qualifiers and just couldn't break through. It's nice to know that our hard work is paying off. But we've just finished match day one of 18. It's far too early to celebrate or have relief.

Az-cz reporter 2: Mr. Levesque, you were the first man of the match for Az-cz after your father stepped down. How you enjoying that coincidence?

Levesque: I would've liked to have played more with my father, but we've got two great managers here now. Winning the man of the match for them feels incredible. I hope there's many more of these coming in my career.

Az-cz reporter 3: What is your opinion on the other results of the group?

Hawdon: Stunned basically. D2R lost 3-0 and Rejistania lost 4-2. Schiavonia beating Rejistania's not a huge suprise, but scoring four is. And D2R getting destroyed is a huge shock. And the Sel Appa 4-4 score line is also quite interesting. I'd say that ours and the Green Wombat scores are the ones that make the most sense, but I'd say the opening day really put the whole group on alert.

Frank Dee: This was your first competitive match as coach of the Az-czzers. After this game what's your opinion on the size issue this team has?

Hawdon: Well first off, it's not that big of a problem. Yes we've got a few very short players, but as we've discussed we start five six footers, including a trio of giants in Stanleyinho, Hubertino and Nerazzuri. But they're also able to compensate. Their shortness is often a benefit. We are faster and in better shape and usually pound for pound stronger than our opponents. I honestly would rather have speed than height, so I'm not too worried about it.

Az-cz reporter 4: Are you worried that other teams will copycat what Nebuleux did today to slow down Pizelkaxrovsky?

Hawdon: Why would I be worried. If other teams want to hamstring their offense and concentrate so much of the game around one player that we can easily sneak both our defensive midfielders and our wing defenders forward, I say go ahead. They had what two shots on us. Any team that goes to those lengths to stop Pizelkaxrovsky can be my guest. He's definitely a huge weapon for us and needs to be contained, but what Nebuleux did today was too much.

Az-cz reporter 5: What's the game plan for Tynelia?

Hawdon: We're not going to try to adjust to stop them. If we let what they did to D2R effect us that'll give them a huge advantage. We've got to see if they can deal with our formation or not.

Az-cz reporter 6: Do you think you will be making rotations to avoid fatigue over the three game roadtrip?

Hawdon: We're concerned about the road trip but I've talked things over with Khim and we really want our top choice lineup out there. So we're going to plan on leaving things how they are, but if changes are necessary we'll make them.

Jo-El: Alright. We've now come to the voice of the fan. Tonight's question comes from Jo-Kr of Go-Thm. He writes to coach Hawdon "If you were starting a new sports team, what would the mascot and team colors be?"

Hawdon: This is something I've given a bit too much thought to. One of the things that always confuses me is how often you see teams named after deadly carnivores, but equally dangerous herbivores don't have many teams. There aren't too many buffaloes, elephants, or bulls, although there are a few. But the one I really like is Hippopotami. That would be my team. When we had away games our fans would Hippopotamigrate. The team plane would be the Shippopotamus. Our supporters would be Hippopotamaniacs and if I could get away with it the teams dancing girls would be the Hippopotamussies.

Jo-El: Well ok then. If anybody has a franchise it looks like coach Hawdon has plenty of ideas for it. Goodnight everyone.

Ricky: I'm Ricky Pointy Stick
Dazza: And I'm Dazza Dallas and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE

Ricky: You didn't play today, Dazza. You are the team captain.
Dazza: My knee is playing up again and it's early so I didn't play.
Ricky: So, what did you do during the game?
Dazza: Write some reports for JGN. Hey, you worked out what's going on in the first game of football you watched?

Ricky: Well, still trying to work out the rules. Still confused about the off-side rule.
Dazza: I hate off-side rule and well, they should change it but that's my opinion anyway. Oh, Jeruselem beat Magnus Valerius ONE NIL. We didn't play very well, but then this team had half team from last world cup and a whole bunch of new players added so we expected problems. In the end, Anna Goldstein scored the winning goal after getting upended in the penalty area from a trailing foot from a opposition defender.

Ricky: The team seems a little uncoordinated.
Dazza: Considering we replaced half the team with rookies, you expect that in the first game. Say, know much about these teams we are going to mention? Acutally, Magnus Valerius are a good team who could qualify.

Ricky: Apart from my homeland, Nedalia, no.
Dazza: You need to travel more, Ricky.

Ricky: Let's see - Nedalia lost to Bedistan, not good.
Dazza: Bedistan are the world champs and you expect Bedistan to win. A good showing by the Nedalian lions against the mighty Bedistan lions. TWO ONE to Bedistan, but we expect Bedistan to win most of it's games. None of your rellies playing Ricky?

Ricky: Not any I know of.
Dazza: Never mind, you should go see your compatriots again.

Ricky: When I get the time. 12th seed Ariddia beat the living daylights out of Cyredel FOUR ONE.
Dazza: Kinda expected given the difference in rankings. Arridia are one of faves in this Group 7.

Ricky: A team sounding like Canada, or Chicanada got beaten a fellow Hebrew-like team, The Macabees. Two ONE to The Macabees. An upset Dazza?
Dazza: Chicanada have a great women's team and should have won. Yes, an upset indeed. The Macabees aren't a bad team really.

Ricky: A close game - Kericia beat Montegrande ONE NIL.
Dazza: Well, Kericia of late have been fading. Good start and any win is good one really. A bit too close for Kericia.

Ricky: Wow, tongue twisters here. Geisenfried smashed Tryanny FIVE NIL. I think that's the biggest win this round for group 7. A message to the others from Geisenfried.
Dazza: Tryanny are unranked and it's normal for that kind of result. Five goals is nothing, Spaam beat some team NINE ONE in the Women's World Cup 5.

Ricky: One upset and but most big guns win.
Dazza: Yes indeed, some close games and some not-so-close games. Getting used this type of scoring?

Ricky: Well, you don't need watch at least. It tests the vocabulary with all these funny names too. To bad about Nedalia losing.
Dazza: Hey hey, once you start saying these name - it will be easy. The Nedalian lions will bounce back.

Ricky: Oh, my favourite bit - selling things. Another of your DVDs Dazza. Well, it's "Dazza does Dallas" - sorry, not the porno but Dazzas personal cheerleadering personal videos before she played soccer. Actually, if you watch it you can work out why Dazza is good on the football field. Yes, it's naughty still like my co-host always is.
Dazza: Only 25 shekels! A must for Dazza fans. I was a part-time cheerleader and well it's fun still. You liked the DVD Ricky?

Ricky: My daughter was impressed - she's one too and she says you're pretty good. She has trouble with holding steady hand-stands but you seem to no trouble at all.
Dazza: I've got good balance and I'm not heavy either.

Ricky: You gotta get people - Dazza does a quadriple sumersault.
Dazza: Those are really hard on the knees.

Ricky: well, the first live editon of THE FOOTBALL LIFE at the world Cup 31 is over. Jeruselem win and Chicanada lose to the Macabees in an upset.
Dazza: And buy my new DVD too. Sweet dreams. Oi, you haven't done any flirting Ricky.

Ricky: No, saving up for the next one. I'm just a cyclist still trying to work out this sport. Don't worry, I'll be in form.
Dazza: The viewers expect it, Ricky. More touchy feely stuff ... literally.

Group 2:
Nedalia [1] Bedistan [2]

Group 7:
Ariddia [4] Cyredel [1]
The Macabees [2] Chicanada [1]
Geisenfried [5] Tryanny [0]
Montegrande [0] Kericia [1]
Magnus Valerius [0] Jeruselem [1]

The Troglodytia Tribune



Predictions for this World Cup(the 31st)


Starblaydia - We're not even going to comment on this, it's so blatantly obvious as to the winner of any match between The Team and this squad.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega - Oh, we're suuure The Team could just walk All over these guys. Pffftt. The Team = The Defeated.

Quakmybush - The controversial team which, upon entering as an unranked team, qualified in its first try. And then got eliminated. But they'll still defeat The Team if they focus less on scoring goals and concetrate on maiming, eviscerating and killing.

Qazox - Oh, we'll enjoy this one. The Oxen have been one of the few teams to actually bring weapons to a match with The Team, and both members of The Team will be beaten down.

Raging Penguins - We repeat, The Team should never be represented by Raging Penguins, or vice-versa. The Not-So-Grand Dutchy of Raging Penguins has cut all and any ties with The Team, in an effort to avoid war with any and all national teams The Team may play/kill.

Rordia - No question. The Team's getting kicked into the ground by this team.

Spindomia - Spindomia has a clear win over The Team. Reason - it's name is similar to such hard-hitters as Starblaydia, Squorneleshous, Shiavonia, Spaam, Spruitland...See what we're getting at here?

Nikea - The Team's met these guys before, and Nikea will be better prepared this time. The Team will lose and be nuked on their way out.

Eseck - Up against higher-ranked teams, this team may well finish in the lower rankings. But no fear! They'll still defeat The Team each time they meet!

Assegai Developments - A new team. Hopefully, it will take after Quakmybush and beat The Team into the bush.

Sooners Start Qualification With Easy 3-1 Win Over Ancient Byzantine

OSPN

The Okielahoma Sooners started WC 31 qualification today with an easy victory over Ancient Byzantine. The unranked late signup's look confused on the pitch for most of the first and second halves. However Ancient Byzantine did strike first, with an early 5th minute goal. The Sooners didnt panic and scored in the 20th, 45th and 52nd minutes with goals by Harris, Lloyd and Bateman. Harris scored a header of off a corner in, Lloyd nailed a long shot on the top corner and Bateman had an easy tap-in off of a missed shot rebound.

Goal Scorers

Harris 1
Lloyd 1
Bateman 1

Group 5 Standings
---Group 5----
[1] The Islands of Qutar 1 1 0 0 5-0 3
[2] Anastasiania 1 1 0 0 4-1 3
[3] Casari 1 1 0 0 3-0 3
4- Okielahoma 1 1 0 0 3-1 3
5- Northern Caesarea 1 1 0 0 2-1 3
6- System Karela 1 0 0 1 1-2 0
7- Ancient Byzantine 1 0 0 1 1-3 0
8- The Mice of Miceland 1 0 0 1 1-4 0
9- Vuam and Isma 1 0 0 1 0-3 0
10- Harlesburg 1 0 0 1 0-5 0

The Adventures of SuperDude
World Cup Special Edition Story

Fair-weather Fauxhan Football

Page 1:
Panel 1:

James Smith, SuperDude's secret alter ego where trying to find their seats in TeleBaz Stadium watching the soccer match against Errinundera the colours of the players clearly seen of those being of the two nations. Beside him was a number of his close friends and work compatriates. Any person who had any knowledge of SuperDude knew that James Smith worked in MegaCity Tribunal along with fellow reporter and on-again-off-again love interest Louise and the ever present photojournalist, Johnny Oldstein. "I'm glad your uncle got managed to get us these tickets." Louise replied, "Remember though we've got to do a story on it. SuperDude is expected to make an appearance at half-time."

Panel 2:

"Ah, Here they are seats D-234, D-235 and D-236.And Looks like the game has already started." James said. "Yeah, someone couldn't find the entrance." Louise replied, "Hey Fauxhan is very complicated" stated Johnny "And It's nothing like MegaCity"
"Yeah, Yeah." said James with a sly grin. The three clearly labelled seats for the three employee's of the newspaper Where just to the right side as they where coming in from the left-side of the pane

Panel 3:

This panel displayed the score board 5 minutes in the first half where down and the score was nil all.

Page 2:
Panel 4:

This panel took up the entire page, It was of the southern aspect of the TeleBaz Stadium, the stadium full, or at significantly patronied so much that it looked full. On the field dots of colour for the Bazalopes and the Errindurran team. In the Distance Storm clouds started to roll towards the stadium. At the bottom of the Panel was a block of info-text. "The Game went on in the 15th minute Michael Irchov supported by Peter Hobble scored a goal and minutes LAter Peter Hobble scored the second goal. It looked like the Bazalopes where going to run away with the match until the weather changed..."

Page 3:

Panel 5:

The clouds had rolled in, this panel entirely showed the clouds and a number of flashes of lightning within the cloud itself. "Omnious Weather rolled in" in the InfoBox...

Panel 6:

A lightning Bolt Struck in the middle of field, players almost seemed to fly away from the point of impact. Benjamin "Benny Boy" Peters seemingly flying towards the reader. The detail of the players face was freakishly amazing.

Panel 7:

This showed the horrified reactions of James, Louise and Johnny. "ARGH." "Oh, MY" and "Golly" came out of JAmes, Louise and Johnny respectively

Panel 8:

Smoke rose from where the crator of where the lightning struck a shadow, was visible in the crowda number of the players including Errinduran players

Panel 9:

The Smoke had cleared to reveal a gold covered lion sitting on the middle of the field.

Page 4:
Panel 10:

Back to James, Louise and Johnny, but James' seat is empty "OH, No!, What is that thing?" Louise was in shocking pointing to it, the only thing she could see was the glint of it.

Panel 11:

SuperDude had arrived he was floating just above the Golden Lion, "Now let's see what we have here?" he said while using is X-Ray vision to see what it was

Planel 12:

SuperDude thought "This has traces of Tonkrypite in the gold, and there is also a message inside. I can't pick it up and I can't do it now... but perhaps

Panel 13:

SuperDude used his Freeze breath the freeze the object

Page 5
Panel 14:

"You should be able to start playing again." he said as he flew carrying the golden lion away with him

Panel 15:

SuperDude flew into James's appartment.

Panel 16:

"Now, Let's see what is in this thing" SuperDude/AKA James Smith

Panel 17:

The broken remains of the lion lay on the table a note, lay in the main remains of it. He reached out to pick it up

Page 6:
Panel 18:

The note read... "Beware the Ides of March"

Panel 19:

James Smith returned to his seat.. "Sorry, had to go to the toilet, What did I miss?" "SuperDude came early and there was a strange lightning strike but apart from that, oh, and an Errinduran goal. Nothing."

Panel 20:

Another overview of the TeleBaz Stadium, this time the sky is clear. The infor text at the bottom says... "And so the match continued the Bazalopes won 3-1. A mysterious warning for the 'Ides of March' More in the next installment"

...

Instalments of 'The Adventures of SuperDude'

Comic 1: Origin of SuperGnome (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821042&postcount=74)
Comic 2: Fair-weather Fauxhan Football
Comic 3: Plot of Gold (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829289&postcount=149)
Comic 4: News of the Utmost Urgency (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833811&postcount=195)
Comic 5: While the Dude is away... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839019&postcount=232)
Comic 6: A Super Struggle (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11845207&postcount=285)
Comic 7: When 4 is not enough (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11849304&postcount=315)
Comic 8: Super Soccer League (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11856645&postcount=377)
Comic 9: The Trouble with Tribunals (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11861858&postcount=409)
Comic 10: Innocence of Gaol (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11866819&postcount=438)
Comic 11: Atheistic Left (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11875233&postcount=484)
Comic 12: Chasing Icharus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11879501&postcount=512)
Comic 13: Taking the Lap to the top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11883787&postcount=550)
Comic 14: A Hard Day at the Office (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11885180&postcount=562)
Comic 15: Hobble, Hobble, Where fore art thou, Hobble (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11893685&postcount=608)
Comic 16: Into the Lion's Den (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11897881&postcount=634)
Comic 17: The Lion Revealed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11902353&postcount=657)
Comic 18: Den of Destruction (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11907342&postcount=686)
Comic 19: Rejoice in Return (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11912715&postcount=716)

Tynelia RP

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly and the start of our continuing coverage of Tynelia’s run through the qualifying group stages for the 31st World Cup. Today was a statement day in Tynelia’s group three as three lower seeds prevailed over their higher ranked opponents. First Tynelia shut down the CoH champs Dance 2 Revolution by a 3-0 score. Then in the battle of the big two it was Schiavonia overcoming top seeded Rejistania 4-2 and gnomes of Az-cz came through in a tight 1-0 win over Nebuleux. In other matches the Green Wombats overcame the Algal States 2-0 and in a match the defenses took off Sel Appa and Pablicosta finished in a 4-4 draw. I’m Mike McPhee with Dana Lee and it looks like things are off to a good start.”

“Yes Mike, it was very surprising that the match was as one sided as it was, even though Tynelia was at home. Perhaps the visitors were a bit overconfident coming to face a team that only reached the final eight of the CoH that they won. However Tynelia came out fast and never let up. Hopefully this is a good omen for the rest of group play.”

“Yes Tynelia came out of the gates fast with Alan MacDougal sending home the first goal at the 9 minute mark of the match. That knocked the visitors back on their heels for a bit but still at the 41st minute the old veteran Jay Masterson managed to find a hole in the defense and fired home a goal of his own. He may have lost a step speedwise but that right foot still packs a wallop. Things settled down some in the second half with D2R making a few rushes at the net but Michaels was up to the challenge. The scoring ended in the 75th minute as Masterson’s halftime replacement Bill Jakes fired home his first goal in international play to end the scoring at 3-0 and a nice home win against the team most likely to challenge us for the final qualifying spot.”

“It was a good all round effort, the defense was strong, Michaels picked right up where he left off in the last World Cup with yet another shutout. The mix of youth and experience seemed to work well on both ends of the field. I think Bill Jakes is going to be a big star in the years to come and even the old man of the team showed why he deserves a spot on the squad at 38 years old.”

“Well its time to hear Coach Adam Billington’s thoughts on the opening match and his next opponents, Az-cz. Welcome back coach and great game today.”

<split screen shows Billington at the stadium>

“Thanks Mike, always good to be here with you and Dana.”

“So Coach were you surprised by how well the team played today in this big win?”

“No this team is getting primed for big things. We set team records both last WC and in the CoH so we’re still on an upward slope. The team knew how important it was to let everyone know we came to play especially with such a tough opening match. I just hope we don’t peak too early.”

“Is this going to be your plan for Jay Masterson Coach? After the first half you put Bill Jakes in Masterson’s place, will this happen every match?”

“It all depends Dana, obviously at his age I can’t be asking Jay to play the full ninety minutes every match and hope he doesn’t have a heart attack or something by the end.” <chuckles> “Today for instance we were up 2-0 at the half and D2R was having a tough time getting things going. So I thought it would be a good time to rest Jay and let Bill get some action. The kid definitely has a scorer’s mentality and that goal of his is just going to boost his confidence even more. You’ll see him somewhere in every one of our matches I think.”

“Your defense was pretty strong again. Jim Michaels with yet another shutout. I don’t think anyone expected that when you tapped him as a backup last Cup for his last minute DI efforts.”

“Yeah I don’t know where Jim gets it but as long as he keeps it up we’ll let it ride. Obviously I’ll mix Tom in to keep Jim fresh but so far so good.”

“What about your next match against those gnomes from Az-cz coach? They will certainly be fired up after their upset over Nebuleux and would certainly love to make it two in a row.”

“This is going to be a classic trap game like you sportspeople like to call it. On paper we should win but the gnomes are playing extremely well for their limited international experience so far. If we take them lightly they could very well upset us. No this one will be a tight match but hopefully the fans will rally behind the boys and girls and help carry us to another victory.”

“OK Coach that’s all the time we have for now. Congratulations on a great win and good luck next match.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<billington vanishes from the screen>

“Well Dana, are the gnomes as serious a threat as Coach Billington makes them out to be or is it just Coachspeak and he thinks its in the bag?”

“Yes Mike I do think this one will be close like Coach said. Don’t forget when Billington was playing for the nation team we were ranked even lower than Az-cz yet we managed to earn a draw with then 10th ranked Total n Utter Insanity in the second half. So he’s well aware of what an up and coming team can do to a higher ranked team.”

“Well then its time to put you on the spot then Dana. What’s your take on MD2?”

“Starting with Tynelia’s match I think we’re fairly well balanced with Az-cz. Their offensive mindset should be neutralized by our defensive set and I think it will come down to whether their defense can win the battle with Tynelia’s offense. This will be a low scoring match compared to day 1’s scores but I think Tynelia will survive by a 2-1 score. I think the Wombats will also continuing their winning ways so far by beating a disappointed Sel Appa squad 3-2. Look for Rejistania to rebound against Nebuleux and come away with a 2-0 shutout over the sixth seeds. Dance 2 Revolution should also rebound as they face the Algal States winning 3-1 which also stresses the importance of Tynelia’s needing to win. In a match I don’t think children should be allowed to watch I see Schiavonia taking over first place on goal differential after a 5-0 whitewash of the bottom seed Pablicosta.”

“Ok then Dana, let’s hope your projected win for us comes through. But we’ll all find out together when TSW brings to your living rooms the live coverage of Tynelia’s match with Az-cz as the team hopes to remain undefeated after two matchdays. And Dana and I will be here afterwards for the postgame show. So until then I’m Mike McPhee for Dana Lee and Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

Tessan RP

<a herald rushes into the throne room where King John IV is staring at a map along with some of his generals>

“So if we can attack the Bigtopians here and here we can crush their forces between ours and…” the king outlined before being interrupted.

“Sire! Sire! great news!”

“What are you doing here?” the king replied with an icy glare as the herald paled before his gaze.

“My apologies Majesty but I wanted to tell you our…er your team has triumphed in the World Cup and lead our group!” the hearld said excitedly.

“World Cup? Who sent in a world cup team? I thought all my nobles and knights were here preparing for the war with Bigtopia, how could we have a team let alone win?”

“Sire the Crown prince, he authorized sending the team. And only a handful of knights went along, mostly the ones who were there last time, trying to regain their honor.”

“Hmm yes I see, I suppose I shall allow that to pass. They were a disgrace after last time. No doubt they scored all our, what do they call them? Ah yes ‘goals’ did they not?”

“Actually sire,” the herald replied nervously, “only Sir James scored a goal out of the five today.”

Now confused the king asked “well how did the others happen then?”

“Well sire, Miller Wallace, from Chamberville scored two, your Squire Jacob scored one and Guardsman Davis, one of Kenmore’s guards added the last one.”

“What nonsense is this herald? Are you trying to tell me a bunch of commoners led my team to victory? At least my Squire showed his true nobility but a Miller? This is unheard of!”

“And Goodman Alan only allowed one goal himself a great…” the hearld went on before the king boomed.

“One goal? He dared to shut out MY royal team yet allowed a goal to some gnats from whatever place the others came from. I should have beheaded him for his arrogance back then. Sir James talked me out of it. Bah we shall see what sort of gratitude this commoner shall show his patron.”

<suddenly a second herald runs into the room waving a sheet of paper wildly>

“Sire, the nation of Spaam is demanding our total destruction!”

<to be continued?>

What A Start We Have Here!
Domineering Kaza & Cravex put AD in place

The best first result for a debutant Starblaydi manager ever was made as Jaime Oberlander took his squad to Assegai Developments and wholeheartedly thrashed them 7-0. In World Cup 17, Guylain N'Dumbu-Nsungu set a record that few would thought be beaten, 6-0 over Pure Evil in his first match in charge. Starblaydia went all the way to the Quarter-Finals in that year, belying their 46th-place ranking of the time, some fifty-six years ago when Simeone Di Bradini was at the peak of his striking career.

Now Starblaydia can be argued as the undisputed rulers of World Football, one result in the previous cup to the contrary, and were playing against a team who, though having played some form of international football before, were not even provided a rank for this Qualifying Campaign. Some would have thought that young Mister Oberlander would take his squad to The Youngworld region and end up playing a second-string side to make it through this match and not risk any of his first team stars.

Oh, no.

Starblaydia lined up, numbers one through eleven, to face the combined 'might' of a team of players hailing from clubs in Assagai Developments itself, Elves Security Forces and Fort Europe. It was easy to see which team had done this before, in fact within thirty seconds Starblaydia had already taken the lead. A delicate chip from González cut through the entire AD defence and Kaza Matranga found herself beyond the entire defence with only Callo Merlose to beat. Controlling it well, she fired past Merlose and Starblaydia were 1-0 up with not even a minute played. By half-time it was 3-0 to the best team in the world, as first Talenii Karo smashed in a half-volley from the edge of the area, then Matranga again struck at the near post to inflict more damage on the home team.

The hat-trick had to wait until the seocnd half, but Kaza duly scored her third with a tap-in after a cross from Matteo Prizzoni on fifty-four minutes. The attacking full-back Christian Averette scored his ninth international goal, a new record for a defender, after breaking into the box and slotting into the top corner of the far post. Within ten minutes Starblaydia had made it six with a free-kick from Donii, beating the substitute goalkeeper Akihiko Yoshida. All over within the hour, and Starblaydia merely connived to score a seventh goal, a one-man wonder-effort by Rajko Dakic after a dazzling run that beat four players before blasting into the back of the net.

As impressive as the attack, Starblaydia's defence was equally formidable, led on paper by Stephen Adams, but in reality by Darijo Cravex. His presence was insurmountable for the men and women in blue and gold, leaving Paola Mendez to touch the ball just four times in the entire match - once to clear a back-pass, twice to pick up a rolling ball, and once to place the ball for a goal kick.

At the final whistle Cravex's joy at victory boiled over into an ugly confrontation, perhaps brought on by the vehement salute Cravex was giving to all and sundry around him. With his hand flat, palm facing downwards, he beat his left breast with pride, a modern version of the ancient Daii salute of banging the flat of their sword against their armour. Whatever he was yelling obviously touched a nerve in the Assegai players and one threw a punch at him. Cravex swung back, and a short scuffle developed before substitutes and coaching staff broke it up.

If Cravex can get into a fight after a match that his side have won convincingly, then what the hell is going to happen during a match that Starblaydia may be losing? Patriotism, thy name is Cravex.

Final Score from Cathedral Park:
Assegai Developments 0 - 7 Starblaydia
(None) - (Matranga 1, 38 & 54, Karo 21, Averette 56, Donii 63, Dakic 71)

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Ultimately Unimpressive United Island Empires Easily Bested By Better Backwardistan
as reported by Noitaretilla Noraa

YTIC LATIPAC - The World Cup qualifications have started and Backwardistan began by beating their first opponent, the United Island Empires, with four goals to one. The first goal was scored when the opponent's goalkeeper was taken unawares by an undaunted Ulus Urakih, followed ten minutes later by another relentless goal by a remarkably relaxed Rekir.

The third goal in the match was the one against Backwardistan, but was followed by the third goal for Backwardistan, this time by forward Yawenaj, who had yet to score against a yielding opponent, and who got a yellow yacht from her fiancé yesterday.

The fourth and final goal, again Ulus Urakih, absolutely affirmed the awe-inspiring accomplishment of Backwardistan against United Island Empires.


Alliterations Abruptly Abrogated
by Noitaretilla Noraa

The editor in chief of the Far Far Away Courier, Mr. Tnek Kralc, ordered me to stop using alliteration in my articles, except for headlines, as was apparently requested by the aptly named Association Against Alliteration, who accused me of abundant and alarmingly absurd alliterations, but these accusations astound me. Any alliterations in all articles attributed to this author are absolutely accidental.


Schedule

United Island Empires
Match 1: Home :: 4 - 1
Match 10: Away
Bazalonia
Match 2: Away :: ? - ?
Match 11: Home
Reanimated States
Match 3: Away
Match 12: Home
Nedalia
Match 4: Away
Match 13: Home
Anathematic Republics
Match 5: Home
Match 14: Away
Brownwick
Match 6: Away
Match 15: Home
Bedistan
Match 7: Away
Match 16: Home
Risa-Aramour
Match 8: Away
Match 17: Home
Errinundera
Match 9: Home
Match 18: Away

All matches at home will be played in the Max Power Stadium in Ytic Latipac, which has a capacity of 45,500.

Group’s top seed in comfortable start

On paper, it was an easy match, but to the Ariddians it meant they would have to impress. Melenciuc lined up his announced starting eleven for the ulek and the beginning of the match, including goalkeeper Cécile Granville, tasked with defending the goal cage now that al Maharmeh has retired.

Although the team has many new faces, none of them are among the starters, many of whom have the added experience of living part of the year abroad and working in foreign clubs. Thérèse Chantier plays for Oliverry’s Love City, Julien Prévert for Heartland Central in the Lowland Clans, Nam Hyok-Jun for Fort Manchester in that same country, and Chloé al Safi and Uha Teh for Riviera Canaries in Nedalia. Team captain Hanifah Kyaw, of course, still plays for Kelsey in ASMV. As for Tadjou Senaya, he not only plays for Kalisimu Kaletri in Rejistania, but has a Rejistanian wife.

Facing them was the team from Cyredel. . . a complete unknown. Little information was available on that nation, and its football association had not published a roster, meaning that the Rouge-et-Nours literally had no idea whom they would be facing. Cyredel’s team was welcomed enthusiastically to Ariddia nonetheless, and a large crowd gathered in Darras Olympic Stadium to watch the match.

As often, the Rouge-et-Noirs were keen to test their opponents from the word go. Quickly tackling the ball away from a Cyredellian in the opening seconds, Uha Teh passed it to Kyaw, who began rushing up the field towards the opposite goal cage. Slipping through the opponent midfield, she came up against Cyredel’s defence and passed back to Nam Hyok-Jun. Nam quickly sent the ball on to Dave Rider, who shot. . . and the ball was saved by the Cyredellian keeper. Ariddian spectators stood and cheered. This was what they had come for: to watch their side attack as soon and as often as possible.

The first attack had almost succeeded, but now the ball was sailing back to the Ariddian side of the field. It did not remain there long. Defender Selan Mataitai was there to intercept it, and sent it back on its way again via Chloé al Safi. Finally, it was in the fifth minute of the game that the opening goal was scored, with Tadjou Senaya kicking the ball in past the Cyredellian goalie. The Rejistanian-based played bowed, grinning, as the public applauded.

The Rouge-et-Noirs kept up the pressure, and scored again with Dave Rider in the fourteenth minute – surprisingly, the 31 year-old’s first ever goal on the national team. By this point, spectators were getting excited, but the pace dropped a little after that. And, when Cyredel managed to slip a goal in twenty minutes later, the Rouge-et-Noirs became a little more cautious.

For the second half of the match, Melenciuc brought in midfielder Keshet Zandberg in place of Uha Teh, who had been particularly active in the first half. If they had seemed hesitant at times as the first part of the match wore on, the Ariddians dominated the second, rarely allowing their opponents a chance for the ball. Hanifah Kyaw strengthened her team’s lead in the fifty-seventh minute, and Nathalie Simon rounded it off at four-nil in the seventieth.

“It’s a good start,” team captain Hanifah Kyaw said later, “but we mustn’t let it get to our heads. We’ve got many challenges still in front of us.”

Also in Group 7, Jeruselem narrowly defeated Magnus Valerius 1-0, and Geisenfried thrashed Tryanny by five goals to nil. Elsewhere, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega went down 0-1 to a strong team from Quakmybush, while Alasdair I Frosticus discovered the merits of fielding skilled plays when it demolished the inaptly named Socialist Romanistan 8-1. The Archregimancy – favoured by Ariddia’s sole Orthdox player Giorgos Charisteas – started well enough, drawing Iansisle three-all.

Most Ariddians, however, were cheering for Errinundera, and were disappointed to see the potoroos lose to Bazalonia 1-3.

Ariddia’s fellow Uhuhland teams, however, fared remarkably well. BoF Champions Backwardistan crushed the United Island Empires 4-1, while, astonishingly, Ropa-Topia provided the upset of the day, dominating Fmjphoenix with three goals to one.

The Schiavone Scribe
Friendly Boost For Sloths
Schiavonia 2-1 The Islands of Qutar

In what is becoming something of a traditional fixture prior to the start of World Cup qualifying, Schiavonia kicked off by giving all of their squad apart from the first choice goalkeeper against Qutar at the King Francesco Stadium.

The game was most notable as being Fr. Symeon the Bold's first game since his commitment to the Orthodox Monastic lifestyle, and in special orange and dark red robes (a friendly donation from the Monastic Football Association), he took to the field in the first half to a mixed reaction from the home fans. That's to say that some people cheered him and some didn't. No booing or anything. This is Schiavonia, don't you know!

Anyway, Fr. Symeon's performance on the pitch left a lot to be desired, but he must surely improve as he gets used to playing in his robes. However, Colin Chester has hit the ground running, and his two goals in the first half put Qutar out of sight by half time.

In the second half, Schiavonia switched to 4-4-2. They looked fairly comfortable against a Qutar team who were playing with a number of retiring players saying their final goodbyes. However, the most emotional one was from Qutar's most famous player ever, Ali, who, despite being forty next week, came on for the last twenty minutes. And when Tarquin Freud handled in the box, there would only be one man going up to take the penalty.

So, two-one it finished, and the most brilliant goodbye given to Ali, just like the one Schiavonia gave to their own hero Tony Tarmey after losing against Jeruselem at World Cup 30.

- - - - -

"So, that's how we got on last week, now we've taken the short boat ride over to Rejistania for the start of the serious stuff. Welcome to World Cup Sloths, I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone. Here we go, then. Seven years since Schiavonia have played a qualifying game. It's been a long time, and although we're away, we couldn't think of a better place to start than here in Rejistania."

"Me neither, Fil. This once karelan place that has developed into something more... well normal. Back in World Cup 26, Rejistania were strongly disliked by Schiavones after the small number of goals in hte Baptism of Fire before that cup, but they still managed to come over here and grab a two-one win from the Orange-Blues on the way to qualifying from a ranking of 100+. Indeed one look at that table will show that the Sloths actually had a better qualifying record than the Junis-Omeh, but some Capitalizt conspiracy oranother stopped them from officially topping the table."

Region 4 Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Rejistania 25 7 4 1 13:4 9
Schiavonia 25 7 4 1 25:16 9
------------------------------------------------------
3. Cuation 19 5 4 3 16:9 7
4. Kudlastan 19 6 1 5 11:11 0
5. Kaze Progressa 12 3 3 6 14:20 -6
6. Pyrologists911 10 2 4 6 11:16 -5
7. Alexandrian Ptolemais 4 0 4 8 9:23 -14

"So why didn't we win that group on goals scored?"

"Because it was considered offensive to the karelans, I think. We know that we won the group, though."

"Too right!"

"Anyway, the view is, if we could beat them then, then we shouldn't have the slightest problem now. Of course, the attitudes towards or neighbours are much better now, so the will to win won't be there. But there is better quality in much of our team now. All we know is that we're in for a good game."

"Does that not depend on who's playing?"

"Possibly."

"And who is playing?"

"Well, the home team are playing what appears to be a 4-4-2 formation, proving just how far they have come in the twenty years since we were last here. Ila I Les is in goal, Mesit Inkil, Syku Imik, H~seli I Li and Manatha~e Hihtaka~o are the defence, Xiaela Serena, Inkil Kalatilu, Xura Kameril and Xiajen Xhekinajha are across the middle, while the two attackers are Syku Lyku and... er, Syku Lyku."

"That could get confusing."

"Possibly. Schiavonia are playing with their usual 4-3-3 formation. Jack Holmes is the keeper, Enrique Williams, Nicolai Ferreira, Noel Fielding and Ed Fielding are the defence, Fr. Symeon, Eric Berry and Will Caine are the midfield, while Colin Chester starts up front with Seamus Bradley and Jermaine Edwards."

"Fantastic, well, the teams are lined up waiting for the national anthems to be played, then we'll get things going!"

- - - - -

45 minutes

"Well, the half-time whistle blows, and the home side are two-one up. The half will only be remembered for one thing, though."

"Of course, and that is Fr. Symeon getting the ball entangled in his robes, allowing Syku Lyku through to give Rejistania the lead just before half-time. His namesake gave the Orange-Blues the lead with a well worked goal before Colin Chester equalised from Schiavonia's only attack worthy of the name. Then the farce began."

"Not good. At all."

- - - - -

53 minutes

"And here comes Fr. Symeon again... and now he doesn't, he's fallen over his robes yet again, and that looks like the last straw for Rodney Lowe. Indeed, Alan Tiss is getting out of his tracksuit straight away. He'll be on in the blink of an eye."

- - - - -

Full time

"Well, what an amazing second half! Schiavonia looked a different team without their fumbling monk, and the extra solidarity in the middle of the park allowed them to run Rejistania down. Two goals for Jermaine Edwards, both of withch from running at the defence, while Seamus Bradley added a fourth in stoppage time, although he did appear to four Ila I Les in the process, but a win is a win, especially against such quality opposition."

"It most certainly is. Especially when you consider how bad it was before Fr. Symeon came off. In fact, we can talk to Fr. Symeon right now."

"Really, that was quick! The game's only just finished!"

"He came off forty minutes ago. He's said his piece to the manager, no doubt, and he's here to talk to us now. Father, what went so wrong for you today?"

"What do you mean, today? I never really wanted to play football, especially when I'm fasting at the same time. That's no way to prepare for a game."

"So you're saying you shoudln't have played in the first place?"

"I certainly am. The manager chose me though. I told him."

"OK, Fr. Symeon, thanks. Well, we'll be back with more after this."

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n82/solarhyper/cooltext32279659.jpg

Screen fades into a news desk where a professional looking team of analysts are looking at papers

"Welcome to this hour has 29 Minutes, I'm Don McCain and this is my partner Cheryl McCloud."

"Thank You Don. We'll start off with some of the news from yesterday that was headlined by Stefan Horton's Conservative decision to make rights harder on immigrants, french Ikeeans and women. Here now is the Conservative youth group, CYAWIFI, Conservatice Youth Against Women, Immigrants and French Ikeeans."

Screen is split to show a group of four smiling adolescents all in matching red blazers.

"CYAWIFI, what exactly do you do to help with the issues you represent."

The leader smiles and does all the talking

"We sing."

"You sing?"

"That's right, let's show them gang!"

The group begins to sing

"John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith,
he is an immigrant.
Whenever he goes out,
the police always shout.
'Deport John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith'
La la la la la la la la."

"My god. That's a horrible thing to say. We're going to cut you off."

"Well Cheryl, that was interesting."

"It certainly was, let's move on to other news shall we?"

"A man in Southern Ikeea won the World Jalapeno pepper earting contest by consuming 247 peppers in exactly 8 minutes. Afterwards he was quoted screaming 'Ahhhh! My mouth! Oh my God! My Mouth!' Powerful words."

"People were alarmed at the Ikeea University when the database was hacked. Alumni donors were the primary target as the money was completely emptied. The 70,000 donors are worried that the information will be made public. This isn't financially, they just don't want people to know they went to Ikeea University."

"Ikeea actually went through with their intent to stop supplying various good to North Korea earlier today. The move was met with some resistance but is expected to smooth out eventually. The market for hairspray, platform shoes and oversized sunglasses has been devastated beyond recovery."

"How about our national team?"

"Well we lost."

"Oh really?"

"But that's no surprise!"

"It sure isn't."

"I'm Don McCain."

"And I'm Cheryl McCloud. Good night."

"Good night."

Screen fades

HA HA Haraki We beat you!



TMK got off on the right foot for WC31 winning a surprise 1-0 victroy over a Highly ranked and ver promising Haraki team. Ball-control was key as this game was played in muddy condtions. Near the beginning Juago Billyong,the middie,went on the attack but fell and twisted his ankle. this ment that TMK had to play with no Midfield and thus made it even tougher for the Soccer Kings. Haraki had some issue's f there own as it seemed the field played havoc with them as four Harakian player's had brakeaway's only to slip and fall. But even when Haraki had traction,Stan Jumper was ther to block it. Jumper,The BazGoal BoF MVP,blocked an amazing 7 shots from Haraki in the game .Despite a strong defensive performence,the game at was still a 0-0 tie. When at the beginning of the second half Mackey DeBuille Faked kicked the ball ,tricking the goalie and Leaving an easy goal for Ronnie Blitzjabber. And that surpriesingly was the final score as TMK defeated Haraki 1-0

In an abandoned warehouse...
http://www.ohiotrespassers.com/coshocton/warehouse10.jpg
President of the SFA, Erc Ellery, enters, along with his aide, Pasco.

Ellery: "Whats all this fun, eh? What are you dragging me down here for? I was quite comfortable, watching The Humble And The Hideous with my totty, and you bundle me out of my office to this godforsaken goodnessknowswhere shack for Margaret-knows-why? I could have your job for this you know!"

Pasco: "Trust me, this is important, sir. You have to see it for yourself!"

"Why? Couldn't you tell me what it is in the office? Or better still, after my break?"

"Do you know where we are, sir?"

"Of course I do! We're... um... we're... you know... that place... where... um... Ok, if you're so smart Pasta, where are we, hm?"

"Its Pasco, sir. And we're at the hidden site for our RP machine. You know, the Spaaminator 2000? That generates enough magic energy so that our football team keeps on winning occasionally?"

"Oh, the one that broke down over ten years ago, during World Cup Twenty Eight?"

"Thats the one, sir."

"Well, where is it?"

"Exactly, sir."

"Exactly what?"

"Where is it, sir?"

"I don't know where it is, that's why I'm asking you, Panto! Where is it?"

"Its Pasco, sir. And exactly... its not here."

"But you said we're where its s'posed to be hidden."

"Exactly, sir."

"Don't start that with me again. Where is it?"

"Its not here, sir."

"I can see that! I'm not blind, Pesto! Then where is it?"

"Its Pasco, sir. And I don't know."

"Then why did you bring me here, if you don't know where its hidden?"

"Because its supposed to be hidden here, sir. But now it isn't."

"Then where on earth is it hidden?"

"I don't know, sir."

"What do you mean you don't know? You mean to say we've forgotten where we hid our secret weapon for winning football matches?"

"No, sir, I mean someone has stolen it."

"WHAT!?"

"The RP machine, sir. Its been stolen."

"I heard you the first time, Pasty. Who stole it? Where is it? We must get it back! Do you know what this will mean? I'll be out of a job! This will be World Cup Twenty Eight all over again! We have a match against Wentland tomorrow, and we all know how much they want to beat us! We'll never live it down, being beaten by Wentland of all teams! What do we do?"

"Calm down, sir. We have a backup RP machine back at headquarters. It can't be used for long, but it should last us at least until after the Wentland match."

"Well then, we have to get back there straight away!"

"Yes, sir. And sir?"

"Yes?"

"Its Pasco, sir..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

Elven Times
Good Start, Test Ahead

Well this was definately the way the Marauders wanted to start their run, a sound three to nothing over the newcomers of Ikeea and in front of a packed Hatire Memorial. The team was clicking together well, obviously from the months of training they have gone through beforehand to have themselves in the best shape for the qualifying round. Some thought that with Revtron taking over the managerial spot, and Titenburg the assistant manager, that the team would become a "defence first" squad, but that is not the case as they are more offensive than before if anything. The squad clearly is suffering no ill effects from the change of managerial staff.

Now onto the game! The crowd roared for the first ten minutes of the game, and the squad responded by playing almost the entirety of that time in the attacking third, and nearly netting two goals but for spectacular saves by the Ikeea keeper. In the 13th minute an Ikeea forward had slipped through the Marauders lines and had a clear shot at St. Louis. However the nimble elf was able to make the dive, and kicked the ball right off the forward's feet and to Florez who cleared it.

The game was beggining to settle down when Cuellar made a nifty spin past his mark and was free inside the box. Sencing the oppurtune moment was closing, he let off a nice shot that was dipping towards the right corner, but the keep punched it away. However the ball hit Tobias square in the chest, and he volleyed it into the back of the net on its way down, sending the crowd back into a frenzy.

As the half began to wind down, the crowd now back into a calm state, the Marauders would strike again. Swent was taken down at the 40 yard mark, and lined up the restart. As the ref whistled, Swent let the lob into the box where Zacharius headed it to a free Night, who made quick work of sneaking it in underneath the keepers shoulder, letting the supporters of the home team breathe a little easier as they gathered some concessions during half time and listened to the Blue Time Wave, a local band from Striaghtdale, as they performed a small concert.

As the Marauders came out from the dressing room, a noticable Zacharius was on the bench, and Justinian Constant was taking his place on the field. Whatever fears the fans had over this sudden sub were quieted in the 51st minute. Stone brought the ball up the right line, and dished it to a cutting Cuellar. He recieved it in stride, and dashed past one defender. Constant came down left line and into the box, calling for the ball. Cuellar saw his teammate open a sent him a bending cross, which was slightly behind Constant. He made the adjustment quickly and then laser guided a perfect bycicle kick right underneath the crossbar, and out of the reach of the Ikeea keeper.

The game ended with multiple oppurtunities to make the scoreline even more lobsided, but the Ikeea keep prove his worth in keeping some pride for his squad. When asked about the Constant sub, Revtron said that Zacharius was feeling lightheaded after that headed and asked to be taken out of the game. Team doctors said that it was just a combination of dehydration and the knock to the head, and the captain will be good to go next game as the squad prepares to once again take down Dorian and Sonya, who were at the wrong end of a result today. Hopefully the expierence the team had against them in the Cup of Harmony will do them good, and allow them to achieve a victory of their respected foes.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 1
Tobias Raynor - 1
Justinian Constant - 1

Article by Ron Santapa

"Cuation slowing the game down as Fallen plays it back to Neville. He tries to play it away but he has lost it! Cuation in trouble now as the number 11 is clear on goal!"

Neville had been the last man, when the pass put him under pressure; he had tried to nutmeg the winger. The bounce was unkind on the full back and the winger was taking full advantage as Jude went to narrow the tight angle. The away fans behind the goal where on their feet.

"May be too far wide here but he only has Jude to beat. Shot turned aside by Jude's legs, rebound could fall to anybody. James slips and the number 9 brings it under control. Must score!"

Jude had got his angels right and hard struck shot was close enough for him to stick a leg out and deflect away. The ball had spun across the six yard box and with only James in a position to do anything, he slipped as he went to intercept. The number 9 was in an ideal position, just wide of the far post and killing it with his first touch.

"2...1? All he had to do was blast or tap it into the empty net, instead he tried to be clever and chip it over the stranded keeper. End result, he has hit the roof of the net, he has missed a great chance to make it 2-2. No wonder his team mates and the fans are angry with him."

Having controlled the ball brilliantly, the striker had spotted Jude trying to scramble across. The striker then chipped the ball to go where Jude had just been, wrong footing the keeper but firing over to the relief of the Cuation players.

xxxx

One Red Faced Striker

In the end, Cuation won with enough comfort to be encouraging but in the second half had to dig in deep and rode their luck to preserve their lead, Cuation's third finishing off the game. The manager must take a lot of credit, his tactical change to 5-4-1 allowed Cuation to get a grip in midfield.

The two teams came out to a full capacity crowd making a huge din, something that inspired Cuation in their first home game for awhile. When Michael Lascaro blew for kick off, Cuation set off and put ORD team under immediate pressure.

During the first half, the normally defensive Cuation seemed to play a 3-5-2 with the full backs pushing into midfield and James often bringing the ball out of defence. Still the ORD defence was stubborn and it took awhile before Cuation could fashion a chance.

Lewish's pass found Rual Mendiz in space but a poor first touch meant he had to stretch to get a shot in as his marker closed in, the toe poker easily picked up by the keeper. Fallen soon worked himself some space outside the box and he forced a good save with his low shot.

Fallen was the man dictating the pace of the game, this was him at his imperial best. In the 33rd minute, he made the break through with a move he started when passing back to James. The defender came forward and passed it to Butcher, his cross field pass saw Lewish in space.

Feinting to cut inside, he sped past the defender and looked up. His low cross was excellent, Mendiz dummied to hit it but left it for the late run of Fallen ; his side foot finish left the keeper with no chance. The home fans where jubilant as the midfielder rushed over to join in the party.

Lu Fei got three chances after that and should have done better with the first two. Lu Fei hooked in a high cross from the bye line but the tall striker headed it over when it reached him unmarked. Played through by Fallen, he delayed and allowed the marker to force him wide, his final shot straight at the keeper.

As half time approached, Fallen's back heel pass caught the defence out, Downing's first time cross was inch perfect, the unmarked Lu Fei made no mistake, glancing the ball past the out of position keeper. 2-0 at halt time, Cuation looked to half this game in the bag.

The ORD manager used his half time talk to great effect and the inspired team fashioned their first chance within seconds, Jude having to tip a swerving effort over the bar. ORD players where inspired and Fallen found himself out muscled in midfield so Cuation's supply line was cut. Cuation where now forced to play 5-3-2 and hit it long but Lu Fei had nobody to knock the ball down too.

In their first test, the defence was secure and meant ORC where limited to long range shots or half chances that Jude easily dealt with. In the 55th minute, one long shot took a wicked deflection of Irwin, one forward out jumped Cheese and James to flick the ball on ton the onrushing midfielder. Only an outstanding save by Jude, plunging down to turn the shot out for a corner, prevented the ball from nestling in the back of the net.

The corner was played short to catch out the defence's attempt at an offside trap. The well drilled defence recovered quickly but the second's confusion was enough, the dangerous cross finding Number 5 with just enough space to power home the header. 2-1 and the away fans where making themselves heard, it seemed like a matter of time till it was level.

Cuation could not get outside their own half and in the 64th minute, ORD somewhat failed to equalise after Neville lost the ball. Jude saved the initial effort but with the number 9 having a gaping net from the rebound, he got underneath it and fired over.

Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile made his move, dragging off Lu Fei, who had gone missing in the second half for holding player Scott Makaie, changing the formation to 5-4-1. With the ORD having had the stuffing knocked out of them, Scott was able to ensure they never really got back into it.

Fallen, now with support in the centre began to get on the ball and slowly get Cuation's rhythm back. 2-1 was a risky lead to try to protect by passing the ball around but with only Lewish willing to support the attack, the manager took off Downing for Speedy. The winger's pace allowed Cuation to run the ball in the opposition half though Speedy tended to overrun it, he did do one great thing

In the 80th minute, Speedy chased a long goal kick and flicked it over the number 5's head, it seemed he was going to run it to the by-line without support but he was foolishly hacked down by his marker. It seemed an act of frustration and it got him sent off.

Stepping up to take the penalty was Cuation's top scorer, Rual Mendiz. Ignoring the protests of the defenders and the game ship of the keeper, Rual waved to the crowd then sent the ball straight down the middle to kill the game off.

3-1 up, Cuation where happy just to sit back while ORD seemed to have no wish to risk a hammering, sitting back themselves. In the end, an interesting test that showed some concerns and some promise.

Man of the Match

Seletarakeledira Hanselijimijile: The Cuation defenders, Fallen and Jude all had a shout for this but the manager deserved it today. He chose a good squad and with Cuation struggling, used his substitutes to full effect, giving Cuation control of the game again. He is becoming popular with the fans and has learned our language pretty well.

Shot of the Match

The ORD goal, well worked but that header was superb, powering beyond the keeper with amazing accuracy, nestling in the top corner before Jude could see it. Had the number 9 shown such finishing, Cuation would be lucky to have a point.

Moan of the Match

Cuation's struggles in the second half was worrying, Lu Fei should have had better runs by his strike partner but we couldn't get the ball. The defending was good but ORD could have got a point and a better team would have made us pay.

Save of the Match

In the 55th minute, ORD nearly took full advantage of a lucky deflection, the number 8 hitting a powerful shot when one on one. Jude did brilliantly, making himself as big as possible and then showing great reactions to get down to turn it aside.

Key Point of the Match

There where two of them:

The first was the miss, it took the heart of the away team and silenced the away fans. Had he scored, the momentum may well have mean Cuation would lose the match.

The second was bringing on Scott, it brought fight into the midfield, helped free up Fallen and unsettled ORD, it gave back the momentum to Cuation.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamsportsweekly.png

World Cup XXXI (The One After 30)

No doubt everyone knows its World Cup qualifying season again, and Spaam
have a massive eighteen games, making it one of the longest qualifying
seasons in many years. The Waffles finished well last cup, but are now
without their star captain Crewenna Roskelly, plus a number of other
experienced players. However, that is not to say that the side is without
experience, with seven players having two cups under their belts, including
goal scoring machine Tehta Trevelyan, ball thief and now captain Gwinear
Tonkin, and the ever consistent keeper, Feoca Arthur. Indeed, under coach
and saviour Tamsyn Pengelley, this may be the Waffles best season ever.


Our Rivals

Funnia Lan [159]
A low ranked unknown should prove no problem for our team, relying on them
to give up an un-funnia six points for our qualiyfing campaign.

Iansisle [60]
The former greats finished third in World Cup XVIII, but haven't qualified for
fourty years. We expect trouble from Ian, but are aiming for two wins.

Lord of Hosts [204]
Another low ranked unknown that we will be expecting to smite. Hallelujah.

Rorysville [50]
The almost managed to eliminate us last season so we'll be gunning for
revenge. Rory must die.

Squornshelous [6]
The sixth best team in the world and fifth most successful of all time, we've
had a long history with them. Most will assume two losses for the Waffles,
but we aim to surprise.

Tessan [82]
We're not sure if this nation even exists anymore, so we'll be disappointed if
we lose!

The Archregimancy [22]
The orthodox monks have overtaken us in rankings and will prove to be our
biggest rivals. No doubt they'll be dreaming up a win when we go to the
Dreamed Realm, but we're aiming on making them say an Our Father and a
couple of Hail Marys when they come here. And we'll be damned if we don't
find out what their names are!

Tocapa [111]
We played Tocapa last season and thrashed them. Lets hope they remember
how to lose.

Wentland [38]
Perhaps the unluckiest team ever, we are their bogey team, so they'll be
planning on putting a Ridikulus spell on us. We're just hoping we don't lose.


Schedule
1 Wentland v Spaam
2 Spaam v Tessan
3 Spaam v Lord of Hosts
4 Squornshelous v Spaam
5 Spaam v Rorysville
6 Funnia Lan v Spaam
7 Tocapa v Spaam
8 Spaam v The Archregimancy
9 Iansisle v Spaam
10 Spaam v Wentland
11 Tessan v Spaam
12 Lord of Hosts v Spaam
13 Spaam v Squornshelous
14 Rorysville v Spaam
15 Spaam v Funnia Lan
16 Spaam v Tocapa
17 The Archregimancy v Spaam
18 Spaam v Iansisle

ESECK Times


The Eseck Ligers managed to win its first World Cup xXxI Qualifier game.Yes Eseck defeated rival Nikea 3-2, the Ligers managed to come back from a 1-2 first halve making it one of the greatest games eseck has played. the scorers were defender Daniel Cunco '26, midfileder Mann Housen '76 and youngster veteran Jhon Petre '89

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
WC can only get harder

World cup 31 kicked off today and the Mateys faced a fairly easy trip to the relativly unkown nation of Delesa. Mateys where expect to win this match easily and did, with superior passing and fitness levels had a total of 71% possession and really should have won alot more comfortably but Kirk will generally be pleased with the performance as Delesa possed no problems at all.

Dominic Patton got both goals, the first a simple pass and move session with most of the team, a total of 19 passes before Patton walked the ball into the net.

The second was from a corner taken by Livingston, Akobyi got up and almost reached the ball but was a little too short, this seemed to slow the ball down and allowed an unmarked Patton at the back post to chest the ball and then strike it on the volley. Delesa will have to sort out set piece defending for the rest of the campaign.

Final score
Delesa 0 - 2 Lisburn Mateys
Dominic Patton - 31, 49

"What's that on the telly, dear?"

"Football. We're playing in the World Cup again. You'd think they'd have learned after getting creamed 12 years ago," Jon Peterson replied.

"Don't we have a decent team now?"

"Oh, they're all saying we've rebuilt and it's okay now, but really, they've just spent ten-twelve years in their own league. I watched Heino against Welkay Lakeside in that Major League they're starting up, lost 1-5 and Schiavonia aren't much good either."

"Hang on. You said football."

"Yes?"

"But there's only 11 players on the pitch."

"Ah. No. Look. There..."

"IIII!"

"Yes, that was a mouse. There's 11 of the blighters. Offler knows how they manage to play football, but they're obviously not very good."

"Not the..the...them either?"

"No. We're 3-0 up."

<Magnus Amin crosses to Marko Nyberg, who goes up and heads in a conspicuously empty net>

"4-0 up."

"R...right. I'll...go and put the kettle on, shall I?"

"That'd be nice. Cheers." Jon said and downed the rest of his Pim beer.

Demot Daily ~ Magic Hats?

Well, the team was certainly expecting a win, but no one could of foreseen the victory that was to come. Goiing into the game, Divensi was being touted as the next System Karela, being near impossible to score against with their ten defender line up. Then again, Demot has always been an offensive minded squad, but a four to one scoreline is still quite a shocker. With many in the crowd those who had been waiting a week for this, the result was certainly worth the troublesome wait.

The home squad was pumped up and it showed early. In the 4th minute Masteron put the home side up after manuvering past Simmons and Seller, who collided into each other afterwards, and lofting his shot from the top of the box. Marrilt had a good bead on it, but it took an unusual spin and dipped past him, and rolled into the netting, as Masteron did back flips in celebration.

The Dynamo then occured some trouble getting it in past the multitude of defenders in the attacking zone, but a slip up by Possners, knocking down Ysman with an elbow as she entered the box, allowed the young woman to line up a penalty, and have him recieve a yellow. Ysman then easily put away the penalty, making the keeper look like a statue.

The home side now had all the momentum and refused to relent the attack. Almost the entirety of the first half was played in the Divensi side of the half, with the Dynamo have 91% of the possession. In the 40th minute, both Ysman and Black got through, using nice passes to get by the numerous defenders. As Marrilt moved in to stip Ysman of the ball, she dished it to Black, who then got her first goal of qualifiers.

Sans would score on a 30 yard effort in the 60th minute, and them Orien scored an own goal in the 81st minute to finish off the scoreline. The Dynamo eased off the gas petal in the second half, obviously saving up their strenth for the match ahead, as they will take on former chamions of Commerce Heights. It is a very tough challenge that Demot is presented with, for Commerce has been playing football at this stage longer than Demot has been a nation. That expierence, and their skill with the ball when they have it will cause problem for the Dynamo backline and midfield. Yet, the squad is becoming better with every match, and it feasable that they can eke out a draw, and maybe even a win if the cards are right and they play their A game. For now, we sit and enjoy whatever comforts this win does bring.

Scorers
Sarah Ysman - 1
Samantha Black - 1
David Masteron - 1
Christi Sans - 1

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

ooc: all spelling mistakes are on purpose :P

<Sharksfan1> d00d are u watchin the game?
<ASMVFanatic>ya, i am
<Sharksfan1> we are totally gunna pwndizzle you
<ASMVFanatic> like hell they are, we are 20th in the rankings and u guys are only 29th, so, we will win
<dumbguy_from_the_mushroom_kingship> has joined the conversation.
<dumbguy_from_the_mushroom_kingship> i like men!
<dumbguy_from_the_mushroom_kingship> has left the conversation
<Sharksfan1> that was odd
<ASMVFanatic> very
<ASMWFanatic> go, go, go shoot it!, bah! you keeper freaking robbed us.
<Sharksfan1> yay! he is a pretty aswom keeper
<Sharksfan1> one of your guys just got a red card for going after Fields, son of a bitch
<ASMVFanatic> I'm sure he deserved it
<Sharksfan1> w.e.
<ASMVFanatic> lawl! the ref just fell on his ass
<ASMVFanatic> what a n00b!
<Assegai_Developments_fan> has joined the conversation
<ASMVFanatic> AD has fans.... wow
<Sharksfan1> im as schocked as u r
<ASMVFanatic> Half time, 0-0 still, pretty good match
<Sharksfan1> very, well im gunna go get some pizza, brb\
<ASMVFanatic> kk
<Sharksfan1> is now known as <Sharksfan1|f00d>
ASMVFanatic is listening to: Lamb of God - 11th Hour
<Sharksfan1|f00d> bck
<Sharksfan1|f00d> is now known as <Sharksfan1>
<AMSVFanatic> wb
<Sharksfan1> ty
<Sharksfan1> has the second half started yet?
<ASMVFanatic> jus kickin off now
<ASMVFanatic> GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!! GAOL! GOAL!
<Sharksfan1> shit.....
<Sharksfan1> NO GOAL!, offsides! hell yea
<AMSVFanatic> BS, effin BS, damn refs!
<Sharksfan1> is that AD guy still here?
<ASMVFanatic> ya, its 6-0 Starblayida in thqt match eh?
<AMSVFanatic> *that
<Sharksfan1> wow......
<AMSVFanatic> 89th minute, looks like it might be a tie....
<Sharksfan1> GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! GOAL! GOAL!
<Sharksfan1> Jon Fields from the bottom of the circle! what a goal! 1-0 Quakmybush woo!
<ASMVFanatic> fuck
<Sharksfan1> WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<ASMVFanatic> son of a bitch, 2 minutes of injury time, thats it!, thats bullshit
<Sharksfan1> would you like some chees with that wine :P
<ASMVFanatic> Fuck off!
ASMVFantic has left the conversation
<Sharksfan1> what a pussy
<Sharksfan1> Nikea up next, we should beat them
Sharksfan1 has left the conversation

QAZOXIAN TIMES

Well Wc31 qualifing has started and Qazox won thier first game@ raging Penguins, 2-1. RP who has used such under-handed tactics as peguin-bombs, flame-throwers, vials of Anthrax and other such items to beat the Black Oxen in the past, their silly tricks didn't work this time. Derrick Snaddly brought his usual trunk full of deadly wepons, and Deadly Penguin ran amok, but due to new anti-penguin, anti-missle, anti-antibodies and anti-OMEGA clothing, The Black OXen easily handled the TEAM. Deadly Penguin did score the first goal in the 13th minute using a rocket-launcher from midfield and it skipped right past Alice Springs, but Nelson Macgillivray scored twice, in the 35th and 67th minutes to give Qazox the win.

"Jenji! Why the loss?"

"Well, we scored less than Schiavonia! It's as simple as that... the team has not much experience playing together, I was elected very late and I think you need to give me a bit more time to judge my performance than this one match. Of course, this match was not a good one, but I think this is and will be an enticement for the team to give everything, to make a 101% performance on the pitch in the matches, which follow."

"You did not say that you conceded too much... how do you rate the rejistanian defense?"

"Whatever I would say now, you journalists will use it against me."

"Are you takilan?"

"I am in no ideology, whether we would have scored 3 more or conceded 3 less, it does not count for me. the fact is that we lost! Both the karelans and the takilans forget that all there is to gain are 3 points!"

"What about Syku Lyku and Syku Lyku, do you think this attack worked?"

"This will not be the only thing, I'll try!"

"Can you be a little less vague on this?" (asked by a very attractive female reporter)

Jenji Y grins: "Only in exchange of sexual favors!"

The reporter blushes.

Jenji explains: "This was a joke of course, don't sue me on this!"

After the press conference:

SyMji asks Jenji Y to come into a bureau for a quick talk. When Jenji Y sees Jeri Kis sitting there, he fears the worst. "He replaces me?" Jenji tries to deal with the the situation sovereignly.
"Not yet, Y'he" SyMji replies. "Can you explain it, Jeri?"
Jeri was nervous, you could hear that easily."We have thought that it might be a good idea to have someone who can provide a bit more detailled information, more tactical ideas... The Hexatux is still here and I would like to assist you. I guess the solution is not in working against each other but working together."
SyMji aska: "Can you imagine cooperating with Jeri?"
"Yeah, I guess" Jenji said.
"Will you work with him?"
"Yes, I will!"
"Okay, then I can procrastinate firing you a few matches..."

Norman Hacker confidently announced his team for the visit to Iansisle on arrival.

"Robinson in goal, as expected. Back five of Eager, Wright, Burnside, Bassett and Bolster.

"Midfield of Clay, Lawrence, Weston and Kent.

"Big Lennie up front."

"Norman, you're sticking with 5-4-1 despite the thrashing from Spaam? Why is that?"

"We cannot be that unlucky again. The refereeing was shocking. OK, their player could have had a broken leg, but he didn't. Which is the important thing.

"The problem with these nancy boy officials is they don't like it when a team with a bit of steel decides to shove it up the opposition. Well, we're going to re-educate a few people. Starting with Iansisle."

"With two suspended, are you not leaving the back line exposed?"

"Can't do anything else, mate. We're stuck with this squad. But I expect some effort from everyone else. I'm giving them a second chance. They will have to take it."

"Any regrets at not having anyone - well, very few - from the Champions?"

"None whatsoever."

"Any message for the Iansislanders?"

"Yes. **** off."

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Republic-News-Today

Sports Section

Conspiracy?

According to "ace" investigative Douglas Jefferey who "heard some of them talking" LE sprayed a bunch of sand before the kickoff so that Milchama would not be able to play and lose. While he tends to say these things after every game whether win lose or draw his claim was actually substantiated this time by Coach Jamie Smith who when asked about it by Jefferey said, "It did seem different from when we practiced there yesterday to when we played today. Although it might be something the grounds crew did, it seems unlikely."

Anyway as for the actual game it was a typical Warrior effort from our early days. A wonderful first half where we took a 2-0 only to be destroyed in the second half by either superior attacking, our own ineptitude or both. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This was a encouraging start to the campaign. LE is one of the best nations in the world and to play them heads up like this bodes well for us against nations like Bettia. I think we can win against them and this also looks like we can beat lower ranked teams also."
Now for a rant by Douglas Jefferey in honor of one of his conspiracy thoeries being right:

What a terrible terrible job by Milchama last night. They didn't play good defense and their offense was just plain lazy. While there was an obvious conspiracy about it was not that ruined the night. It was a piss poor defense and lazy goaltending that brought the downfall of the Warriors. I mean come on after you take a 2-0 you should always always win and yet they lost that's just pathetic. Come on man I expect better from a top 25 team. Or do we still deserve that title or any title at all?

So the first half there was very little wrong. Lonnen scored 5 minutes in and then we continued the pressure. We actually managed to stop sucking for a bit suprisingly, actually really suprisingly. Really Really suprisingly. We actually were beating Liverpool England then of course we started to suck as the ball could not get forward between two people (more on that later). Anyway we scored again later in the 31st minute as Albentine rose for a header to make it 2-0 at halftime. From there it went downhill. We sucked! They scored in the 46th, 48th and 52nd minutes. That's right in the terror book. Seth Fair may be good but 3 goals in 6 minutes that's fucking ridicoulous. That's terrible and does not deserve to be in international football. Well actually Damion got one goal but still 3 goals in 6 minutes is the WORST defending I have seen in a long time. A very long time. That was just awful and should be punished by a whipping of each player 5 times so that we can win and not suck. Although that probably won't help so scratch the idea.

Now for the best part of the article the conspiracy. As Coach Jamie Smith said there was a difference between the field they practiced on yesterday and the game today. That means only one thing, The Liverpool Englanders CHANGED THE FIELD! That's right they fucking changed the field for no reason. The worst part is that we're not calling the game in protest. This is clearly legit! The field was sandy, really really really sandy. It was ridicoulous. I can't believe nobody bothered to do anything. Like it affected us waaaaaaaaay more than them. Our crisp passing was ruined the only thing we could do was the long ball which was why we couldn't finish at all in the second half. With a real field I bet we can beat them, hell we will kill them and then eat their children. Bastards.

I'm Douglas Jefferey Stop Sucking.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Lonnen 5, Albentine 31)
Liverpool England (Fair 46, 51, Damion 48)

Milchama Man of the Match:
Barrett M. Lonnen- He was one of the few consistent performers throughout the match. He played well and got a goal early. Then he almost had two later but just missed the goal as it went wide. He also played a good wing distributing the ball to everyone and creating some chances with his passing. A good opening for him.

Raging Penguins Report:
The two man team got off to a poor start as they lost to Qazox 2-1. They were overwhelmed the Ox men's superior numbers and tactics. (They had waterguns). Woo hoo!

Michael Victor walked into the building. He was immediately greeted with a staircase leading upward directly in front of him, but he instead chose to make a left turn. It was a rather boring weekend afternoon at Paruvia Tech, and Michael had decided he needed to get out of his room for a while, so he took the opportunity to come here to the student center to check his mail. It was very rare for him to receive mail - the actual physical kind, that is, not e-mail - but yet he still religiously checked the mailbox at least four times a week.

On the wall between two of the aisles of mailboxes was a decently-sized flat-panel television. It was often tuned to a sporting event, and today was no different. As Michael glanced at the screen, he saw the familiar BSTV logo in the upper left corner, a clock reading "57:49" in the upper right corner, and between them, the text "NED 1 BDS 1". Of course! How could he have forgotten? The Nedalia-Bedistan World Cup qualifying match was today! Michael had really hoped to be able to procure a ticket to the match, but unfortunately they sold out too quickly. He managed to find an open place on top of the cubbyhole-type things where the weekly newspapers were stored, not easy to do as there were already half a dozen other students perched there, and began watching the match intently. Ooooh, he thought, Gordon Johnson's commentating. He's, like, the best guy they have at BSTV.

"Jackie Reed with the ball," Johnson intoned, "she gets past another unfortunate nameless Nedalian player. Plays it ahead for Santos. Defense closing in...a cross over to Bekk Sherman and now it's three on three! She plays it over to Salas. Salas under pressure, but Sherman's getting clear...Salas sends it back to Sherman! She shoots!"

The ball hit the back of the net emphatically. "GOAL Bedistan!" A significant amount of cheering erupted from the "stands" in front of the TV, and Michael gave the girl next to him a high five. Two people over at the other end seemed a bit less excited. Michael recognized one of them from one of his classes and knew that he was born in Nedalia, so he supposed he at least had some excuse to be favoring the other Lions.

Suddenly, Michael's phone in his pocket rang. He looked at it to identify the caller - ah, it was his girlfriend. Well, so much for watching the rest of the match. Michael hopped down and began making his way toward the door, preparing for a phone call that was certain to last well past the final whistle.

----

Final score:
NEDALIA 1 (26)
BEDISTAN 2 (Wilson 19, Sherman 59)

Old fart leads the way

Oliverry – Spruitland: 2 – 3

Player/coach Dirk Jools will undoubtedly have let out a big sigh of relief when the final whistle of Spruitland’s opening World Cup 31 Qualifying match went. Despite derogatory remarks about their opponent beforehand, boiling down to “pffft, it’s only Oliverry,” everybody was pretty much agreed that this would be a tough match to start off with. Sure, Oliverrians don’t know crap about football, that’s common knowledge, but they’re still ranked in the top 15.

And there was more at stake here than three points and avoiding the humiliation of losing to Oliverry. This was Dirk Jools’ second match as player/coach of the Wabbits, and the first one hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. Getting knocked out of the Cup of Harmony by Haraki, while humiliating, hadn’t been a real cause for concern – most Spruitlanders don’t much care about the Losers Cup – but it did upgrade this match against Oliverry to the status of “the first real test.” A poor result would still not have been decisive for Jools’ future as a coach, but it would definitely make a few people start shifting nervously in their seat.

And the eyes weren’t just on Dirk Jools, Spruitland coach. They were on Dirk Jools, Spruitland striker, as well. World Cup 30 was generally considered to be his last as a player, but apparently Jools, now 38, isn’t quite ready to hang up his boots just yet. Unacceptable, some say, feeling that it’s time for the slow striker to make way for the next generation.

“It’s my job as a coach to pick the best players for every position,” was the only comment Jools wanted to make. At least, with a microphone under his nose, because he commented plenty on the pitch. With one goal and two assists the veteran striker played an instrumental part in tonight’s victory, effectively nipping the criticism about his age in the bud.

“Not bad for an old fart, eh?” Jools winked into the camera before being hoisted onto the shoulders of his teammates.

…Live from studio 1B in Dalton Plaza, it’s the Nightly Report with Douglas Ortíz!

Ortíz: Hello, everyone. As you probably know, the World Cup qualifiers started today, so I thought we’d take the opportunity to expand our viewer base in Rejistania…According to this article in the Aeropag Tribune, the Capitalizt associations were a bit slow in putting together a team. In fact, as you can see here, 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) had to buy a squad at the airport on their way to Tadjikistan.

Video shows coach Davida Yesta purchasing a number of boxes at a store in a Capitalizt airport.

Ortíz: Surprisingly, they didn’t do too badly with that team; they only allowed one goal in the whole match. In fact, the keeper made a rather spectacular save, which you can see here.

Video shows an inflatable Gandalf wearing a 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) goalkeeper kit deflecting a shot while shouting “You shall not pass!”

Ortíz: In another match, Baptism of Fire tournament champions Backwardistan suffered a 4–1 defeat against United Island Empires, only to be awarded a 4–1 win by the dyslexic referee.

Screen shows a picture of the scoreboard at Max Power Stadium, with a 4–1 win for UIE indicated and the clock displaying a mirror image of “90:00.”

Ortíz: The highest-scoring match of the day was Alasdair I Frosticus’s defeat of Socialist Romanistan, in which the monks from the Dreamed Realm managed the incredible feat of conceding to the 210th-ranked team.

Video shows AIF goalkeeper John Orphanatropho praying as the ball sails over his head and into the goal.

Ortíz: And finally, in Haraki, the unusually-named nation of the Mushroom Kingship achieved a win with only the second shot on goal in international football history by an inanimate player.

Video shows a split-screen view of the ball bouncing off of a large mushroom past the Haraki goalkeeper and a shot by an egg against NEWI Cefn Druids.

Ortíz: And now, for some World Cup media reports—an organization in Green wombat released one of the first reports since World Cup 7 that provides continous shouting fun for the whole family!

Split-screen is used again—the Green wombat threat assessments are shown alongside a report from Prætorian Rome about their 3–0 win at Maxisoft Stadium of the team then known as Commerce Heights.

Ortíz: In Assegai Developments, a TV sportscaster said of their match against top-ranked Starblaydia that it was “a 0–7 loss to a team of unknowns.”

The introduction to the Aeropag Tribune’s TV coverage of the World Cup 30 final is shown, with the sound edited to say “Number two Bedistan will have no trouble taking on the challenge from a strange new team known as Starblaydia, who have mysteriously earned themselves a number one rank.”

Ortíz: Though not directly related to the Cup, a transcript of an interview after Az-cz’s win over Nebuleux revealed that reporters in Az-cz are known only by number. In a socialist nation, no less!

A stereotypical political ad is shown. The narrator says “Reporter 8 is wrong on immigration. He says he supports amnesty for undocumented workers, and called building a fence ‘a waste of billions.’ But Reporter 5 has voted for stronger immigration laws and tougher enforcement.” At the end, a clip is shown in which Az-cz reporter 5 says “I’m Az-cz reporter 5, and I approve this message.”

Ortíz: Alright, the Cup coverage is almost over, I promise! From the top headline in the sports section of the Port Lusambo Sun—“SLANI gets win over Cataduanes in randome match.” After today’s issue hit the streets, thousands of football fans at the popular website myjournal.com are preparing to launch a nationwide campaign to rename JPL Paladin Stadium to the Randome.

A photograph of JPL Paladin Stadium is shown, with the sign edited to say “RANDOME” and “95% Probability of 18–22 Million Served.”

Ortíz: Well, that’s it for our World Cup coverage this month. Now for our first guest, Jay Barker of the Coalition for Consumer—

THE MONASTIC TIMES

TEAM DRAWS AGAINST HERETICS, HEATHENS
Coach Accepts Surprise Home Draw as “God’s Will”

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable reacted with his usual fatalistic humility to the Archregimancy’s failure to beat mid-ranked team Iansisle at home, describing the surprise 3-3 draw as “God’s will” and “better than Wentland’s result”.

Monastic Football Association officials are nonetheless said to be concerned that the policy of squad anonymity forced on the team by the Holy Synod may be impacting teamwork and tactical awareness. “It’s a little hard to communicate with your fellow monastic brethren on the pitch when you have to remember not to call them by name” said a senior archimandrite, speaking - perhaps somewhat ironically - on condition of anonymity. Team members refused to comment further on the anonymity policy, possibly feeling constrained by the temporary vow of silence said to have been forced on the squad.

The match itself was a pulsating but ultimately disappointing affair, with the Archregimancy racing to a 3-1 halftime lead thanks to a thrilling hattrick from the number 9 whose name I am unable to reveal. Unfortunately, a clear and deserved red card to our number 5, whose name I would very much like to reveal, but am again unable to do so, led to an Iansisle resurgence, with the visitors clawing two back in the 80th and 85th minutes. Archregimancy substitute number 14, whose name I don’t even know, came close to scoring a perhaps undeserved winner in injury time, but his effort hit the post and the match ended 3-3.

With news of the conversion to Orthodoxy of Fr. Symeon the Bold in Schiavonia, and rumoured conversion of Catholic schismatic Casari coach Vivica Hill, monastic football fans are hoping this result is just a temporary hiccough, and that Orthodoxy will be as successful on the pitch as it has been off it this qualifying campaign.

Elsewhere, the Monastic Football Association and Holy Empire Association released a joint statement clarifying inaccuracies in the Capitalizt report of the Holy Empire's 8-1 win over Socialist Romanistan, noting that the only Dreamed Realm nation fielding monks was the Archregimancy, not the Holy Empire. The Capitalizt media appear to have confused Imperial goalkeeper Orphanotropho tripping over his shoelaces with praying - an understandable mistake given the known godless mammon worship of Capitalizt organisations. MFA officials denied that this was officious unnecessary nitpicking of a report riddled with clear and obvious inaccuracies.

Qutar Sports News Network

The camera pans down onto the studio, the lights fade up as the camera focuses onto the panel.

Seth Harrison: Hello there and welcome again to this Pre-World Cup edition of Match of the Day. Tonight as ever we have Chris Saunders, Michael Ellis and James Thomas. Earlier this evening Schiavonia played host to the now traditional pre-World Cup Qualifying game, in the spirit of the game we were able to say a proper goodbye to the greats of Qutari football, and perhaps the greatest Qutari footballer of all time, Ali. With him approching forty he was left on the bench to be brought on later, and all the talk was on when he was to come on. Schiavonia played a good first half did they not guys?

Chris Saunders: Yeah our close rivals, played a very solid first half, retaining most of the possession. Chester scored two cracking goals, and you should watch out for this lad in the coming World Cup.

James Thomas: A good first half performance from Schiavonia, and the lads from Qutar didn't do too bad considering the average age being somewhat high, but after the second half began, people starting to wonder when Ali would be brought on for his send off, I know I was certainly thinking that.

Michael Ellis: Yes and with the lads of the pitch now back onto level terms with the young'uns from Schiavonia, It was only a matter of time before Davies had to being on the man himself, and only six minutes after coming on the rapturous applause from both the Schiavone and Qutari fans, and a mistake from the Schiavone Freud gave Ali the perfect way to send goodbye. He slotted that penalty home like all the others, but this had something special about it, the last goal to come off the genius' foot.

Seth Harrison: What a great day indeed, well from today's match Schiavonia are looking better than ever before, and I'm certainly tipping them to win their group, well that's all we have time for tonight but catch us for the first qualifying match against Harlesburg.


Schiavonia 2 - 1 The Islands of Qutar
Chester, 24', 39' Ali, 76'

The camera pans away from the panel, the lights fade down as the screen goes to the logo

Wilcox gets memorable first in opening win

Kericia News Service

Midfielder Robert Wilcox scored his first international goal and kept the newcomers Montegrande scoreless, in Kericia's 1-nil victory at Montegrande in the World Cup 31 opener. The young Kerician team managed to hold on to the one goal lead from the 20th minute onward, in a game with few attacks from either side.

Rookie Kerician goalkeeper, Alex Quinton, also had an impressive achievement as he recorded his first international clean sheet in the game. The Kericia City FC keeper made a diving save only six minutes in to stop a free kick blast from a Montegrande forward. Quinton stopped the same forward's shot in the ninth minute, helping him preserve his first shutout in his first game.

The offense, however, was stagnant, save for the one goal by Wilcox. In the 20th minute, team captain Grady Thompson swung a free kick to the front of the goal from the left hand edge of the penalty area. Wilcox slid untouched to the ball and knocked it past a helpless Montegrande goalkeeper. Kericia nearly blew the lead eight minutes later, as an opposing forward put one in the net, but was disallowed because contact was made between a forward from Montegrande and the Kerician keeper Quinton as the ball sailed into the goal.

The offensive-minded Kericians applied more pressure during the second half. Thompson nearly scored in the 74th, but the Montegrande goalkeeper did well to stop the point-blank shot. The Kerician defense itself stood firm in the final minutes, including clearing several corner kicks won by Montegrande to secure the road victory over the relatively new opponent.

The win was Kericia's first in an opening game since World Cup 27, coincidentally the team's best performance ever: a third place in qualifying, and a loss in a playoff that would have earned them a spot in the finals. Kericia has since been on a slippery slope downward that has landed them a dismal 61st in the world rankings. Fans of the team hope a brand new manager and a young squad will end the team's streak of nine World Cups without a single appearance in the finals.

In the way, however, is a familiar foe in Jeruselem. Kericia earned four points versus the group favorite in World Cup 28, including an impressive 2-nil away victory. This time around, though, Jeruselem is a heavy favorite, ranked 12th in the world, while Kericia is 61st. Along with Jeruselem, Ariddia, Chicanada, and Geisenfried are expected to top the group.

Kericia's next game, at home, is against the 49th ranked team of Geisenfried. The national team will host the Golden Eagles at Levine AFC Field, one of the largest - and loudest - in Kericia. A full capacity crowd of 24,400 is expected to cheer on the home team.

Kericia 1-0 Montegrande
Wilcox 20'

"What in the name of all that is good and holy did they do to our freaking pitch?" Nina Leir said, looking over the flat, green expanse of the field.

"Oooh. Anyone for tennis?" Michael Arrali said, watching as a team continued painting lines over the field. "I suppose trying to flood the damn thing before every home match pissed them off to the extent that they went for something flood-proof."

"Oh, you can flood anything, don't you worry." Leir mumbled. "Either way, how the hell are we supposed to play on a tennis court?"

"Easy. The ball has less rolling resistance, so passes and shots are faster. So we need smaller holes to work the ball through the defense. Should be all sorts of scoring. Didn't you take physics in high school?" Arrali said, watching the painters finish on the far side of the field.

"Hell no, I was a communications major." Leir said, scratching at the surface of the clay with her foot.

"Aah, yes, the last refuge of the scholarship athlete. Did you even go to class at all?"

"Hell no. Now come on, we have to find some way to wet down the field before Sunday."

"How did I get to be the partner in crime?" Arrali said, looking around.

"Because Kyle has the flu. Hurry your ass up, before they lock the maintence tunnels again." Nina said, running towards the maintence door. With Michael following obiediently, she pulled a wrench out from behind the heater for the under-the-pitch heating system and headed to the former sprinkler controls.

Former, of course, because since clay has the particular benefit of not needing to be watered, the whole system was missing, a wet spot on the concrete floor the only sign of it's previous existance.

"... you know, maybe this is for the best." Michael said, trying to avoid the fury of a wrench-wielding left forward.

"Ugh, Midfielders, you have no sense of adventure. I bet you even listened to the psycho and got your flu shot." Nina said as she began making her way back out of the access tunnel.

"Like you didn't?"

"Hell no, we don't listen to that loon. We're the reason why she warns us about getting arrested on road trips."

"Wait, how did you get arrested on a road trip?" Arrari said, confused.

"That's part of the story on why we can't drink on road trips." Nina said. "So why would the loon go through the pointless effort of fixing the pitch when we'd have to play on it halfway through?"

"Simple. We have to play System Karela, so out of paranoia, Hill came up with some half-thought-out plan to give us some kind of advantage, as idiotic as the plan turned out."

"That's remarkably perceptive for someone who bothered to take physics."

"Pfft, it was a general education course. I was a physical education major."

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Flock downs Lexington Cats




It was a less than eventful affair as Jualiar Vumaou and his flock of Cocoboa's entered Lexington SC and left with a virtually uncontested three points to start off their World Cup xXxI qualifying campaign. Turori got off to a quick start in the match, with Cocoabo #26 firing home from 20 yards to open the scoring for the Eels just five minutes into the game. The flock looked a bit jittery at times, but held the majority of possession throughout the first half, and their 1-0 lead never looked much in threat from the Lexington attackers. Additionally, it set a record for the flock as for the first time in competitive play, all 11 Cocoabo's finished the opening forty five minutes with the same shirt on as they started with. Prior to the acquisition of the brand new custom designed kits by Lonngeylin, Vilita based 3wide designs, Cocoabo's would regularly lose hold of their shirts at some point during any given forty five minute period due to the fact they barely fit and were subject to tearing and ruffling throughout the match.

Head coach Jualiar Vumaou stated at half time that he was somewhat dissapointed to enter the half with just a single goal on the board, but was never truly worried, as the tempo of the match seemed to indicate there would be little threat of an equalizer from the home side. Vumaou's intimation was correct as well. Lexington SC failed to record a single shot in a second half performance that saw the majority of the already skint home support head for the exits when Turori doubled its lead 25 minutes from time. The Eels were clinical in midfield, clearly still working out their timing of passes and getting a feel for where each other would be on the pitch at any given time. Despite the low magnitude of the victory, head coach Vumaou was pleased to get three points from the opener, especially as rivals for qualification Fmjphoenix and Oliverry both dropped points on the very first day.

Next up for Turori is the foliage of Bushes Been Quaked, who, while knowing the names of their players, little else is known of this squad that descends from World Cup Wonderfuhks Quakmybush. Head coach Jualiar Vumaou was cautiously optimistic about recording a second straight victory to open the campaign, and had this to say about the upcoming match.

"Well, I think our main goal to start out with is to keep a clean sheet. We did it against Lexington, and we'd like to do it again against Bushes Been Quaked. The offense looked a little shaky against Lexington, but if the defense keeps a clean sheet, then we've only got to score once to get the three points, and so long as we do that, I'll be happy, and we'll all be happy."

This will be the first meeting ever between Turori and Bushes Been Quaked, and the defensive minded Bushes Been Quaked is likely to sit back and hope for the goalless draw. Turori, on the other hand, will be hoping to open up their scoring account and move to the top of the table early in their qualifying campaign.

Turori Eels [2] - [0] Lexington SC




http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43)

World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story

[1] :: Vumaou's Flock Returns Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83)
[2] :: Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94)
[3] :: Flock downs Lexington Cats (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828693&postcount=141)

:: This is the Official RP Cut-off for MD1 ::

Matchday 2 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828734&postcount=2)

Group 9 M W D L F A P GD G%
Squornshelous 2 2 0 0 7 4 6 +3 63
Tessan 2 1 1 0 7 3 4 +4 70
Spaam 2 1 1 0 6 2 4 +4 75
The Archregimancy 2 1 1 0 6 4 4 +2 60
Funnia Lan 2 1 0 1 6 6 3 +0 50
Tocapa 2 1 0 1 5 6 3 -1 45
Wentland 2 1 0 1 3 6 3 -3 33
Iansisle 2 0 1 1 5 6 1 -1 45
Rorysville 2 0 0 2 3 6 0 -3 33
Lord of Hosts 2 0 0 2 3 8 0 -5 27

STONER TALK

Joe Spicoli: Was'up dudes... already there's been 2 matches, they're like going faster than free Burritos at Burrito King, anyway in the 1st game, The Stoners hosted Dorian and Sonya and we actually beat them 2-0! My Main man, Trent Rauda stopped all 8 shots he faced and Emil Timmermann scored twice, once in the 42nd minute and the other came in the 69th. (laughs at the mention of 69). Hold on a second...<takes a big toke from his roach clip>.

Okay now on to today's match @ Divensi. We won again and Trent was frickin awesome in the net again getting his 2nd straight shut-out. Way to go man! And Emil Timmermann scored again this time in the 20th minute. The other guy to score was Emmanuel Adelman. So like, we're 2-0 so far and no one's even gotten close to scoring. Sweet Job guys. That's all for Stoner Talk for now. Puff, puff, pass all!

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

CANDY ROCKED
Imperials Win Second Consecutive Match

By Anna Comneno

The enigmatic nation of Candy Rocks last night became the first non-Dreamed Realm team to play a match inside the Holy Empire since World Cup 7, and became the second consecutive victim of a resurgent Imperial side in the process.

In a sign that footballing sanity had returned after the 8-1 romp over Socialist Romanistan, the undefeated Imperials were forced to work hard for their 2-1 victory after conceding a 10th minute goal to the visitors following a miscommunication between Tzmisces and Orphanatropho.

Second half goals from Andronicus Curcuaso and Jorge Maniaces - the latter from a fine curling free kick - turned the tide.

The Holy Empire now sits top of Group 8 with an astonishing plus 8 goal difference after only two matches. Team coach Juan Tzimisces is said to be pleased with the team's early form but in an interview last night warned that "stiffer tests" lay ahead. The coach has nonetheless caused a minor sensation by, for the first time in recent memory, allegedly not betting on the squad finishing last in their group.

Meanwhile, officials from the State Bureau of Imperial Security were said to have been 'pleased' with the first test of the recent relaxation of Imperial quarantine regulations. A senior SBIS official was quoted as saying "Bit of a dry run, admittedly - not a top opponent - but no diseases were brought into the nation by the visiting team or supporters, and - other than the simultaneous birth of six hundred and sixty six three-headed cows in New Nicea province - there appear to have been no significant disruptions to Imperial reality."

The cows were peacefully put to sleep following an exorcism performed by Archregimancy monks.

(ooc: um I'm a bit confused about the schedule.. I thought it was done by Ranks not alphabetically.. or am i just missing something??)


QAZOXIAN TIMES

Well today the Black Oxen suupposedly were to travel to Quakmybush for the 2nd match, but 30 minutes before they were to board the plane, an NSWC offical caught-up with the team and told them that if they were not in the Qazoxian Memorial Stadium within an hour, they would forfeit to Rordia. So a scheduling snafu almost cost Qazox a win, but with 3 minutes to spare, thanks to local police, a couple of well placed thermo-bombs, a helicopter and for some reason a rubber sex-doll, the team made it to the stadium in time.

But the mad dash across downtown Qazox City traffic, which has left so far 460 dead, and over 2,000 injured, ruined the team's concetration and Rordia scored the first goal only 3 minutes into the match. But the lead would not last as the Black Oxen recovered from their ordeal and in the 14th minute, Rene LaTreque scored the equalizer. The rest of the 1st half saw little or no real attacks from either side, but 4 cards were handed out, 2 yellows on each side, with Yossel Griffin receiving one for a unintentional head butt in the 34th minute, and Ryan Holmes gettign one in the 40th minute for a hard tackle.

The second half saw Qazox come out on fire and by the 65th minute, the match was just about over as the Black Oxen had a 4-1 lead. Christian Likens started the onslaught in the 49th minute, with Nelson Macgillivray, his 3rd, adding one in the 59th and Aki Fa'Mau-Tana finishing it off in the 65th.

Since the schedule we had printed, and the team was given is apprently incorrect, Qazox does not know yet who they will play in the next match.

(ooc: the rp is about a historian from the future readin about Green Wombat's World Cup 31 qualifing, so that's why the "shouting". I'll shrink them as not to offend.)

DOWNLOADING DAY ONE SCORES...processing....processing...complete.

MATCHDAY ONE SCORE- GREEN WOMBAT 2- SEL APPA 0

GOALS: SSGT. ROGER WICLOX- 13TH MINUTE; ENS. JOE (EARLY) GRAVES-
34TH MINUTE

GAME SUMMARY:

Green Wombat in thier 1st home match of Qualifing, faced Sel Appa, a weak team that couldn't stand up to the experience of the Fighting Zombie Womabts. Staff Sergeant Roger Wilcox began the scoring in the 13th minute and Ensign Joe Graves scored in the 34th. The match was marred with yellow cards, with Sel Appa getting 4 and Green Wombat 5. Most of the cards were for hard tackles, but Captain Nestle Crunch's card was for punching a player and he recieved two and will miss the next game. So far the Fighting Zombie Womabts haven't given up a goal let alone let any player near the net. Success is expected in their primary goal of qualifaction.

Norman Hacker entered the stadium with the Wentland team to an excoriating chorus of boos. His remarks to Iansisle television had been broadcast and despite a half-hearted attempt to claim it was all "a joke" the resulting conference ended in chaos as Hacker finished by saying "you lot have absolutely no sense of humour."

So Hacker played on it. Before kick-off he had the team get together in a huddle to infuriate the crowd even more. And Hacker himself stood at the edge of the technical area, arms folded, glaring in his blue tracksuit.

He remained there glaring after Iansisle took an early lead, much to the delight of the crowd, as a free-kick was deflected off the hapless Wright and wrong-footed Robinson.

He remained in the technical area after Iansisle went 2-0 up on half-an-hour despite being inundated with a hail of bottles and debris. "Hacker, what's the score, Hacker, Hacker, what's the score?" cried the crowd. Norman Hacker later said all he was doing was telling them, but the v sign is not a conventional means of so doing and with a crowd at fever pitch it was all that was needed to tip them over the edge.

The referee suspended the game for a few minutes whilst everything got sorted out. Fortunately for Hacker his actions had gone unseen by the officals and with Hacker claiming innocence there was nothing that could be done.

However the break enabled Hacker to read the riot act to his team and on the resumption a big boot found Newton whose looping header caught the Iansisle goalkeeper unawares and the Swifts were back into it. The first half ended 2-1 and there was still some hope.

Hacker changed things after the break to go with what was for him all-out attack. Wright was off and Frank Treves, out of place in Hacker's normal game plan, was on. And the change brought immediate dividends as a cross found Newton's head, which found the goalie, who spilled the attempt at Treves' feet and the home crowd was stunned. 2-0 to 2-2 and suddenly it was the Swifts who were rampant.

The comeback was completed by a late free-kick. In a parallel to the first goal a deflection wrong-footed the Iansisle goalkeeper, but Joe Weston was still going to claim it. 3-2, Newton went off to be replaced by Moon, and Wentland shut up shop for the last 6 minutes.

And come the final whistle Hacker was ebullient. His first win as manager. "We showed 'em! We showed 'em!" he yelled. "Bring on the beardies!!!"

The Adventures of SuperDude
World Cup Special Edition Story

Plot of Gold

Page 1:
Panel 1:

Seruuian Riasska, a Vilitan, was walking up to a secured door in an unknown building a vilitan security guard stood by the door.

Panel 2:

The Security Guard visually checked the Vilitan's ID card, It was a FAV(Football Association of Vilita) which Identified Seruuian Riasska as the Security Manager for the association.

Panel 3:

The security Guard also ran the Id through a computerised console on the wall who with the guards handprint provided access through the door. "There you go, sir." said the Security Guard, "Thanks, Hluali" replied Seruuian

Panel 4:

Seruuian Riasska, entered the secured room in the middle of the room a secured pedastal with the actual cup for the World Cup is being securely held "Ahhh, It's finally here."

Page 2:
Panel 5:

Seruuian came up close to the Cup and told it "Don't worry, the public soon will be able to see you.", a random FAV official walked passed and said "Seruuian, Rory Issah wants to see you now, something about Tivali Ring Stadium." Seruuian replied to him with "Yes, Emzari. I'm going there now

Panel 6:

A small panel outside the door to Rory Issah's office, an infobox infact contained those words at the bottom of the Panel "Outside the office of Rory Issah". Seruuian knocked on the door and *Knock* *knock* was displayed off level and with different formatting to indicate that a knocking noise was eminating, Small lines also eminted the noise indicating the contact between the knuckles and the door.

Panel 7:

Inside the office a TV was on showing the Bazalonian match against against Backwardistan, the Winners of the BoF. While the match had finished the post-game analysis was still happening "A dominating performance by the Bazalonians here, but the Backwardistan team certainly did show their familiarity with TeleBaz Stadium managing to get 2 of their own goals back. The Bazalope defense certainly let their attack down." The BazSports Logo barely visible in the lower right of the TV. "So you wanted to see me?" asked Seruuian

Panel 8:

"Oh, yes I did." he said while using the remote to turn the TV off. "That incident in the Bazalonia - Errindurra match is making me wonder if we should not display the Cup in Tivali Ring Stadium."said Rory Issah. There was nothing actually verbalised by Seruuian but there was a special bubble containing the following "..."

Page 3:
Panel 9:

"But Sir, the quality of the security at the Stadium will be the best in the World. No one will be able to get at it, but the display of the Cup is vital." said Seruuian Rory responded with "Well, if you sure no one will get it, even SuperDude should not be able to access it, only me and you."

Panel 10:

"Well, go and and get Tivali Ring ready, security-wise, I've got things to do. Here." said Rory, shooing the Security Manager away. Seruuian replied with a "I'll go and finish that up then."

Panel 11:

The security manager was gone and the head of the Football Association of Vilita, the sign on his desk said so. He reached into reached into his pocket to pull out something that was located in there

Panel 12:

Pulling his arm out there was a piece of paper with the words written on it "Beware the Ides of March". A thought bubble eminated from the viltan with "What can this mean? The Ides of March are not for another 8 months. Though I am glad SuperDude gave this to me."

Page 4:
Panel 13:

Meanwhile somewhere else in Vilita. "Yes, sir. The World Cup is going to be displayed in Tivali Ring Stadium, as expected." said a speech bubble from outside of the panel, however inside the panel was a TV or a large widescreen flatscreen monitor showing a darkened figure very little can be seen apart from his outline. The background was a blank pastel yellow wall. "Good, Stage 2 can start. said the figure.

Panel 14:

"SuperDude will pay, and stealing the World Cup Trophy is only the begining" the outline of the TV said and then Cackled. "You know what you have to do, go and do it."

Panel 15:

The panel showed the person that was out of view that was speaking... It was Emzari "And Seruuian Riasska will pay for stealing the Security Manager job from me, that should have been mine."

Page 5:
Panel 16:

There was some info-text stating "2 weeks later...". It was a good representation of a room within the real Tivali Ring Stadium where the World Cup Trophy would have been on display for the public Rory Issah and Seruuian Riasska where there to open the display. As unseasonal weather rumbled outside there was a press conference going. "The World Cup Trophy, one of the most sort after, prestidgeous and long running trophies in the NSVerse, On display for viewing, this will be enourmous importance not only for many Vilitans but for all football nations in the world. And so without further ado I announce this display as officially open." A pair of scissors where around a red ribbon significany the offial opening of the display for the international public.

Panel 17:

Just as in the Bazalonian - Errindurran match, lightning struck, this time not in the middle of the field, or even the Stadium, but it went through the stadium and struck the World Cup Trophy encapsulated in the it's case. However the force repelled all those that stood nearby and Rory Issah got propelled away with quite a force.

Panel 18:

Once the smoke cleared it was another Golden Lion, however the statue was where the World Cup Trophy was. The World Cup trophy had been stolen.

Page 6:

Panel 19:

An overview of the Tivali Ring Stadium took up the entire page, there was a hole in the roof from the lightning, the body of Rory Issah was lying on the field as he was propelled out a window by the lightning. Of course you could see the broken window and there where a number of people around Rory's body. "... Rory is Dead." was all that was spoken on the Page. The Following Infotext was at the bottom of the page. "And thus the long standing head of the Football Association of Vilita, Rory Issah, had died with the loss of the World Cup Trophy. If ever the world cup needed SuperDude it was today."

...

Installments of 'The Adventures of SuperDude'

Comic 1: Origin of SuperGnome (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821042&postcount=74)
Comic 2: Fair-weather Fauxhan Football (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11825105&postcount=112)
Comic 3: Plot of Gold
Comic 4: News of the Utmost Urgency (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833811&postcount=195)
Comic 5: While the Dude is away... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11839019&postcount=232)
Comic 6: A Super Struggle (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11845207&postcount=285)
Comic 7: When 4 is not enough (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11849304&postcount=315)
Comic 8: Super Soccer League (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11856645&postcount=377)
Comic 9: The Trouble with Tribunals (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11861858&postcount=409)
Comic 10: Innocence of Gaol (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11866819&postcount=438)
Comic 11: Atheistic Left (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11875233&postcount=484)
Comic 12: Chasing Icharus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11879501&postcount=512)
Comic 13: Taking the Lap to the top (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11883787&postcount=550)
Comic 14: A Hard Day at the Office (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11885180&postcount=562)
Comic 15: Hobble, Hobble, Where fore art thou, Hobble (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11893685&postcount=608)
Comic 16: Into the Lion's Den (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11897881&postcount=634)
Comic 17: The Lion Revealed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11902353&postcount=657)
Comic 18: Den of Destruction (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11907342&postcount=686)
Comic 19: Rejoice in Return (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11912715&postcount=716)

Az-cz Scroll
Tynelia
Il-Lur

Gnomes play a strange formation to steal victory

After a 1-0 win over Nebuleux the Gnomes went on the road for the first time in World Cup 31 qualifying. Their opponents were the higher ranked Tynelians, who coicidentally were one of the other nations to put a kicker into the finals of the penalty competition. The Tynelian team proved to be worthy adversaries, but once again the Gnomes showed their improvement by picking up their first ever road win against a higher ranked opponent, coming from behind to win 2-1.

The game started off slowly for the Pink & Green. The Tynelians were playing their 3-2-3-2, but playing it much more reserved and really seemed to be focused on gunking up the midfield for Pizelkaxrovsky. And it worked pretty well. Pizelkaxrovsky couldn't make and they were even able to set themselves up for a nice counter attack which MacDougal finished off. Tynelia were able to keep things togther and took their 1-0 lead into the half.

They made a couple of subs bringing on Du-Tre for Nerazzurri and Hmr-Pn for Zax-Im, leaving the armband to Kn-Dg. Taking off their two leaders seemed a strange move when trailing 1-0 on the road, but the coaches had clearly worked up a masterpiece.

With Tynelia flooding the midfield the Az-cz team bunched up to the right. The plan was to allow Pizelkaxrovsky to play well to the wing and draw the defenders over while still allowing him access to all of his players. The plan also would utilize the Az-czid speed advantage as the Gnomes had the speed to get past the Tynelians on offense and when they turned the ball over to get back into good defensive position.

The tactical maneuver clearly caught the Tynelians off guard and allowed Pizelkaxrovsky to set up the equalizer. He got the ball on a nice pass from Ml-Dni and then swung the ball forward to Stanleyinho who equalized the game in the 58th minute.

Az-cz didn't actually stay in that formation much longer, but the formulation itself had rattled the Tynelian defense and they no longer felt comfortable flooding the middle on Pizelkaxrovsky which meant he had room to work and was able to set up the second Az-cz goal, finally reestablishing his connection with Kn-Dg in these qualifiers to give Az-cz the lead in the 78th minute.

The Gnomes than played ball control for twelve minutes to run the game out and sneak away with all three points. The Tynelian coaches may have had their team well prepared, but in the end were outfoxed by the Az-czid staff and that was the difference.

The Gnomes now move on to Rejistania, who posted the same 1-0 scoreline against Nebuleux that Az-cz did. Rejistania will be looking to move back towards the top of the table, so it will undoubtedly be a very difficult match. As for Tynelia they welcome Algal States and should be able to get back on track there.

Stats

Score Az-cz 2 Tynelia 1
Scorers Stanleyinho 58 Kn-Dg 78
Possession Az-cz 52% Tynelia 48%
Shots Az-cz 11 Tynelia 11
Corners Az-cz 1 Tynelia 1

Jo-El: Congratulations to the team on another fine performance. The team proved that they are all confident and can make do without their captains. Joining us today to talk about the result are coach Hawdon, Zax-Im and man of the Match Stanleyinho.

Hawdon: This game ball goes to Khim. The idea to overload one side of the pitch and run the Tynelians down was his idea. We were being outplayed in the first half, but to have a tactical mind like his helping us, well it's a huge advantage. I don't think he got enough credit for what he was able to accomplish in Starblaydia, but he's doing a ton for these Gnomes.

Az-cz reporter 1: How did you come up with that idea?

Hawdon: Well like I say it wasn't mine but Khim's. It was pretty clear that we're physically better than Tynelia but they were well prepared and gunked up our system. So we figured we'd press our advantage. That's why we brought on two young fast players and brought off our two captains. It was very unorthodox but it definitely worked. You could especially see in the eyes of Tal Li that they just weren't ready for it.

Az-cz reporter 2: Zax-Im, when they told you that you were coming out of the game?

Zax-Im: Well when Khim speaks you listen. He was convinced that his plan would work, and it did. Of course I'd like to play and it's painful to watch, especially in a tight game like this. But he's been around. He knows what he's doing, so it's hard to get that upset.

Az-cz reporter 3: Two teams now have totally focused on stopping Pizelkaxrovsky. What are you doing to combat that?

Hawdon: We're trying some other things. We're working and going to continue to work on having the other four midfielders set things up. But the truth is this team is designed to run through him. But as we've shown we've got a strong defense and if teams focus too much on him we'll find ways to burn them.

Az-cz reporter 4: Stanleyinho, are you suprised at all that you were chosen as Man of the Match?

Stanleyinho: Of course. We all basically assume Pizelkaxrovsky's going to win it. And when he has a two assist game in a two one victory we expect that. But I thought my runs were important and I feel the award is deserved and I'm proud to claim it. It's a good thing managers are inelligible though, cause clearly coach Khim would have won it.

Frank Dee: What are some of the differences you've encountered working with the Az-cz team as opposed to in Bazalonia?

Hawdon: Well some of it has to do with attitude. It's hard to imagine a brighter group of guys. The energy and the enthusiasm is off the charts. That's a huge advantage. There are also issues of how the games is played. I do less physical work here and more technical, because the Gnomes are just better athletes than what I had to work with in Bazalonia.

Az-cz reporter 5: Up next is Rejistania. Any thoughts on them?

Hawdon: I'll definitely be passing on what I know from the matches I've played against them onto the team. What's to be said. They're a great side. We could play well and still lose. We've just got to fight hard and try to emphasize our strengths and downplay theirs.

Az-cz reporter 6: After two games what are your thoughts on how the group is shaping up?

Zax-Im: It hasn't really gone anywhere yet. Schiavonia's made some steps towards qualification, and us and Green Wombat have won twice which is big for both teams, but Tynelia, Rejistania, and D2R are still well in play. It's far too early for the results to mean anything. It's just a start.

Jo-El: And now we come to the final question of the day. Today's voice of the fan question comes from Ul-Ul of Es-Ef. She writes "As far as the preperation for a game goes what do you like to do before a game?" I think we have time for answers from all three.

Hawdon: I like to sit in my office and try to visualize the flow of the game. I try to imagine what scenarios might occur and how to adjust them depending on the opponent.

Zax-Im: I'm a nerd, so I like to do various kinds of puzzles before the game to relax. Of course if younger players want to talk about stuff I'll definitely help them.

Stanleyinho: Before a game it's all about the jello. It's all about the jello training. I like to practice foot and leg control by grabbing various things out of buckets of jello placed around a special section of the training area. Of course Jello is messy stuff so I always make sure to leave time to shower before game time. The jello is low stress and relaxing but also gets me into a soccer mood, where as the shower gets me cleaned and allows me to focus.

Jo-El: There you go Az-cz. Now you know the habits of three of the Pink & Green's finest.

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f141/DarthBunny/ns_stuff/fc-title.png

OOC: This first bit is actually not in the Sports section, but in the News section of the FFAC website; but it's needed to explain a comment made by coach Rehsurc ;)

West Ariddian Comedian An Insult To Backwardistani People
as reported by Enal Siol

YTIC LATIPAC - 'Tarob Veyidgas' (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tarob_Veyidgas), the supposedly Backwardistani character played by West Ariddian comedian Ümit Makhmudov, will no longer make any appearances on television screens in Backwardistan. As of yesterday afternoon, after an emergency session in the Backwardistani government, all foreign television channels must be approved by the Relur Emerpus Max Power himself before they can be shown anywhere in Backwardistan.

Government spokesman Rohtul Xel said to the press, "We view Mr. Makhmudov's behaviour on West Ariddian TV as completely unacceptable, being a combination of bad taste and ill manners which is completely incompatible with the ethics and civilized behaviour of Backwardistan's people. He is an insult to every Backwardistani."

Several angry Backwardistani protesters have been burning West Ariddian flags outside of the Ariddian embassy in Latipac (due to the lack of a West Ariddian embassy).



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TeleBaz Revisited: A Unique Experience; Victory For Coach
by Neslo Ymmij

BAZALONIA - A unique experience for the Backwardistan football team today in the TeleBaz Stadium, the stadium where they won the Baptism of Fire final against Okielahoma and a few other matches during that same tournament. Except for the 1-1 against Ikeea, Backwardistan had won all of their matches so far, but now they have finally lost a match. Six goals to only two of our own (by Ulus U. and Yawenaj).

"I am not disappointed with this result," Coach Rehsurc said after the match, "Football is a game where both winning and losing are possibilities. Despite the result, we had a great match and that calls for a celebration."

The coach then produced a West Ariddian flag and asked players Ulus Urakih and Yawenaj Nyrhtak to hold it up. "Ridiculing one's nation is *not* a game, however," Rehsurc then said to the assembled press and set the flag on fire.

Schedule

United Island Empires
Match 1: Home :: 4 - 1
Match 10: Away
Bazalonia
Match 2: Away :: 6 - 2
Match 11: Home
Reanimated States
Match 3: Away :: ? - ?
Match 12: Home
Nedalia
Match 4: Away
Match 13: Home
Anathematic Republics
Match 5: Home
Match 14: Away
Brownwick
Match 6: Away
Match 15: Home
Bedistan
Match 7: Away
Match 16: Home
Risa-Aramour
Match 8: Away
Match 17: Home
Errinundera
Match 9: Home
Match 18: Away

All matches at home will be played in the Max Power Stadium in Ytic Latipac, which has a capacity of 45,500.

Tynelia RP

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Today Tynelia was shocked at home as the gnomes of Az-cz rallied from a 1-0 deficit to pull off a 2-1 come from behind win. Unfortunately for Dana, this was the only one of her picks that was wrong as Schiavonia downed Pablicosta by her predicted 5-0 score. The other three she was slightly off as the Wombats won 2-0, Rejistania only managed a 1-0 win and Dance 2 revolution bounced back with a 4-0 win over our next opponent the Algal States. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee as always. So Dana this was certainly a surprise after the way the team played against D2R.”

“Yes I was surprised the team couldn’t hold on in the second half one Alan MacDougal put them up early. This started out like the typical old school Tynelian match, get out to a lead and take the air out of the ball. However the team looked confused by the innovative formations Az-cz used in the second half and even the veteran Tal Li looked confused and out of position several times in the second half. Once a defense is thrown off kilter like that it makes the keeper’s job much more difficult and it showed with Michaels allowing two goals.”

“I guess Coach Billington was right last show when he called this match a classic trap game. The team might have been still celebrating their upset over D2R and got complacent after taking the 1-0 lead. The gnomes certainly made them pay for it in the second half. Once the momentum had swung there was little Tynelia could do to get things going again. This does pretty much neutralize the win against D2R who are now tied with us as is Rejistania. And the gnomes and Wombats are still ahead now. At this point it looks like it may end up being a five team fight the whole way. Hopefully the team can bounce back against the Algal States Dana.”

“Well Tynelia will have a bit more incentive as the Algals won the last meeting between the two teams after Tynelia had won the first three matches in the series. Now coming off a disappointing loss ourselves the squad will certainly look to take advantage of the home field in these next two matches, both of which seem very winnable right now.”

“I guess its time now to hear from Coach Billington now. This is Billington’s first ever loss to a lower ranked team in his World Cup history. So Coach, welcome and how do you bounce back from this one?”

<Billington appears via split screen>

“Thanks for reminding me of that Mike. Well obviously any loss at home to a lower seed is a painful one. But we fell into the overconfident mode in the second half and discipline was shot to hell out there. They came out with some innovative styles and it threw everyone out there off their game. At least now we’ve seen it and will be better prepared for it when we go to their stadium.”

“What about Jim Michaels Coach? This is the first time he’s allowed any goals in his World Cup play. How do you think he will bounce back from this or will you put Tom Gordman in instead?”

“Jim will be fine Dana. Don’t forget he allowed a few goals in the last DI against some pretty tough competition and it didn’t affect his WC play at all. We had some defensive breakdowns out there and Jim didn’t have a chance on either one of those goals. I don’t plan on letting him brood about it though. He’ll be back out there against the Algals but then I think I’ll give Tom the start against Sel Appa and give Jim a bit of a break before we go on the road to Schiavonia.”

“These next two matches I would say are must wins for the team. Do you agree with this?”

“I don’t know if they are must wins at this point, but they are certainly matches we should win if we play to our normal levels. It would be disappointing to leave any points on the table against a lower ranked team. We did today and now we have to make sure that’s the end of it.”

“Any lineup changes you’re considering at the moment?”

“I think I’m going to give Tal a match off and let Kim take over. Tal’s another old timer so he needs his rest.”

“OK Coach that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for joining us here today and better luck next match.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<Billington vanishes from the screen>

“Coach didn’t seem to down about the loss but you know it has to be killing him inside to throw away the advantage they picked up on D2R last match. Now he has the Wombats and Gnomes to worry about as well Dana.”

“Its still early yet Mike, it will probably take until the end of the first half before things really start to shake out between the contenders and pretenders. If we can limit any further losses and steal some points off the top two seeds we should be ok.”

“So how about it dana, time for your picks.”

“Ok Mike. To start I expect Tynelia to bounce back against an Algal States team that has yet to score a goal in two matches. I think Billington will have the team fired up and I see a 2-0 Tynelia win here. I think the Wombats will receive a rude awakening from the Schiavonia juggernaut who should end the Wombat’s unbeaten streak with a 4-1 win. Moving on in a very interesting match the surprising Az-cz squad faces its toughest test yet going up against top seeds Rejistania. I think the gnomes will stumble here and be on the short end of a 2-1 score as registania seems fond of scoring two goals a match so far. Nebuleux should get into the winning column against Pablicosta with a defensive 1-0 win and finally Sel Appa should fall to Dance 2 Revolution 3-1.”

“Well there you have it. Hopefully Dana’s prediction about Tynelia will be right instead of getting the score right and the teams wrong like this past match. In any case TSW will naturally be showing the game live in its entirety as the Ice Bowl gets its first match of this Cup. Dana and I will be here afterwards for hopefully a more encouraging post game show. Until then I’m Mike McPhee along with dana lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

Tessan RP

((NB- Tessan is a medieval nation with appropriate lvls of tech and population so the following storyline is REALLY going mess with the heads of the poor Tessans))

King John IV and his advisors all sit in the royal conference chamber to address the new threat to their nation.

“What are these ‘Spaam’ people anyway? Isn’t that what I had for breakfast today?” the King demanded

“No sire, they sound the same but Spaam is actually another nation, one that is in our group in the world cup thing. They seek to have us destroyed for an easy victory in this day’s match.” Replied one of his older advisors.

“We shall have to deal with the then. What of the match? Their plans failed to eliminate us so the match must have taken place. Perhaps it was them who riled up the Bigtopians I was planning to campaign against. Yes no doubt they found the Bigtopians too slow and now seek to destroy us themselves. We shall see.” The king rambled

“I believe one of the heralds arrived and claimed that it was a draw and that we remain undefeated.” Another advisor mentioned.

“Excellent, now that they have failed to conquer us on the field of battle they shall try their armies no doubt so that they will do better the next time we meet. So what do we know about this land of Spaam?” the king demanded.

“Um, not much really sire. We only know of them from this World Cup.” Ventured a third member of the council.

“Speaking of the world majesty, shall we end the embargo we had placed against the rest of the world? It is time for us to re-emerge from our isolation. Especially with the potential for riches if your team continues to play well.” The royal treasurer prodded.

“Hmm, oh yes, open the markets and the ports to these foreigners again. The war with Bigtopia must be postponed so we may deal with this Spaam threat. So why is it no one knows anything about them?”

“There are so many nations Majesty, perhaps you should send one of the royal spies to study the enemy before they attack while we rally our forces.” The first advisor proposed.

“Yes excellent idea, I think we shall indeed send in our top spy to infiltrate these Spaamians while we gather the force to repel them from our shores. What sort of troop support can we gather?”

“Well sire if we raise the levy then we can gather 4,000 mounted knights as heavy calvary, 3,000 mounted archers, the royal army of 20,000, about 10,000 local guardsmen, a bit better trained than militia and 40,000 militia though we know how unreliable they are. Fortunately the royal army and half of the knights and archers are already nearby for the Bigtopia campaign but no doubt the full muster will be needed against these foreigners.”

“Very good then. When these Spaamians come to our shores and find a host of nearly 80,000 before them they will no doubt see the folly of their plans to destroy us. And our spy shall study their weaknesses even more closely that we may further exploit them. I expect to hear from him regularly.”

“Yes sire, I shall set up the channels.” The first advisor agreed.

“Very well then dismissed. And someone fetch the Crown Prince, this whole soccer thing was his idea and I must hear what my team has learned about these Spaamians.The fate of the kingdom may be at stake!”

It was the last seconds of THE FOOTBALL LIFE

Dazza: In summary Group 2 and 7 - the Nedalian lions lost another game, Ariddia drew with Montegrande 2 ALL, Jeruselem best Chicanada once again TWO ONE, Geisenfried continue to top the group with a TWO ONE win over Kericia, The Macabees win again to stay 2nd, and Magnus Valerius drew 1 ALL with Tryanny. Jeruselem are 3rd and Arridia 4th. Chicanada is 2nd last and so it Nedalia in Group 2. Oh yes, and Bedistan smashed some team EIGHT NIL.

Ricky: Well, that's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Dazza: Sweet dreams everyone!

Finn: Excuse me - I have something to announce to TV guys. The coach gave me the OK to do this.
Ricky: Go ahead Finn, the people in Jeruselem and Nedalia are watching!
Dazza: Hey babe, what you up to Finn?

Finn: You know I've been dating Dazza and well, it's time for me show my love for her publicly.

<Finn pulls out a ring>

Finn: Well, this maybe a totally stupid idea but I'm proposing marriage to Dazza here and today. I want everyone to know including the people of the world as well.

<kneels and offers ring>

Finn: Dazza, I want you to be my wife. I don't care what my parents say - this is what I want. So today is the day - I've been planning this for a long time since we met. Please consider.

Ricky: See folks, who says THE FOOTBALL LIFE isn't exciting!
Dazza: <speechless>

Finn: It's just yes or no. It's all I ask.

<Dazza starts crying>

Dazza: Of course it's YES. I've been waiting so long for this day!

<Dazza jumps into Finns arms, crying>

Ricky: There you go everyone! We have new couple. Harry and Rachel Kool and now my co-host Dazza and Finn Fumbles! Come here guys.
Dazza: I'm so happy. I can't believe he's do this on TV. I don't know what say.
Finn: I just happy I didn't mess it up. I always make a mess of these things.

Ricky: OK, you two. Any plans for kids?
Dazza: You bet. I'll work on it as soon as this World Cup is over.
Finn: I'm used have lots of children around, so it doesn't bother me. Say, how many you have Ricky?

Ricky: Lots. Mr Tour de Qazox is busy man. As I said before sex make me an endurance man. No shame here.
Dazza: How did you keep this so secret, Finn?

Finn: Actually, it was Ricky's idea. He's a man of infinite experience with women so he knew what I had to to. I was up to me to do it properly.
Dazza: Naughty Ricky, but I forgive you. I got what I wanted.

<Jeruselem team appear>

Coach: Well done guys. Another frisky Jeruselem couple.
Dazza: Thanks coach.

<Team congratuate couple>

Ricky: A good today. This is the current Tour de Qazox winner saying lots of love to his wife too. Now this reminds me when I proposed so it's all good memories.

The Schiavone Scribe
Resrves Thrash No-Hopers
Schiavonia 5-0 Pablicosta

Schiavonia cruised to their second qualifying win in a row against a hapless Pablicosta side that didn't seem to be quite up to international class.

Indeed, this wasn't even a first choice Schiavonia side, as Rodney Lowe made seven changes from the team that started against Rejistania. Only Holmes, Noel Fielding, Will Caine and Colin Chester stayed in the team as many second choice players got a competitive run out.

I say competitive, it wasn't really much of a competition. Chester scored twice in the first twenty minutes, and by the time Alan Tiss made it three-nil with just twenty-three minutes on the clock, you knew that this game was only going to go one way.

By half time, it was four-nil, a slack defensive pass allowing Schiavonia's first female international player Shiela Blige through on goal, and her quick footwork bamboozled the Pablicosta keeper and put her name in the record books and her team out of sight.

In the second half, Rodney Lowe made three further changes, bringing off Fielding, Caine and Chester to give every single second-choice outfielder at least a half on the pitch. Oddly, switching to 4-4-2 wasn't a complete disaster, as little Bllige and big Arran Di Chula managed to make a great partnership.

As it was, it was Di Chula who finished off proceedings, bundling home the ball and three hapless Pablicostan defenders into the net with him as he headed home. Put simply, it was as convincing a victory as we've seen in a while for the Sloths. Hopefully they'll be able to keep it up against Green wombat in their next game, as the two 100% come head-to-head.

Final Score
Schiavonia 5 (Chester 7, 19, Tiss 23, Blige 43, Di Chula 90)
Pablicosta 0

Elven Times
Yes? No? Go!

The affair that took place in Dorian and Sonya between the Marauders and the Mystical Unicorns was almost carbon copy of their first feeting in the Cup of Harmony. Each team played a very techniqual game, hoping to use their skills with the ball to take advantage of the other. Yet, once again neither could find themselves on top at the ref's final whistle, with another two all affair and each team believing that they could of been better at the end of the night, leaving a particularly bitter taste in the mouths of the Marauders.

Swent would open the scoring in the 21st minute. Cuellar had lead a counter attack that left the Dorians struggling to get back. With Swent on his right and Raynor on his left, the single defender had to make a choice, and he made the wrong one. Going after Cuellar, Rick manage to flip the ball over sliding challange and Swent met it with a one timer in the right corner of the box, that went between the legs of the keeper, and set off a small celebration in the corner of the north end.

A seris of fierce attacks after the start of the second half had the Dorians up two to one, and looking like they had found the key to defeating the Marauders back line and excellent keeper. However the tide turned when St. Louis made a stop on a D&S striker on a break. That save paved the way for the heroics by Night, who took in a clean through ball from Stone, and deposited a curving shot past the Dorian keeper in the 79th minute, salvaging the game for the Marauders.

The next stop for the Marauders on their four game road trip is Divensi. Divensi resembles System Karela in the fact that the use a 10-0-0 formation and score a minimal amount of goals. However the comparisons stop there as they have allowed six goals in the first two competitions. The Marauders look to have an easy go about it, and should come out with a win easily and without much effort.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 2
Tobias Raynor - 1
Justinian Constant - 1
Harden Swent - 1

Friend Watch
Assegai suffered another wretched performance as they were crushed 8-1 in Raging Penguins.
Tryanny pulled an amazing upset with coming up with a 1 all draw against high powered Magnus Valerius.
Cuation put up a solid performance in Aurendia, and came out with a 2-0 victory.
Haraki and Becquerelia met in Becquerelia, with the Becs coming out with a close 3-2 affair.

Article by Ron Santapa

Top After Two, Likely To Remain There
Sea Dragons sit with zero points, AD hammered again

The largest stadium in Starblaydia, the 99,000-seater Stadii di Quercus, hosted Andossa Se Mitrin Vega's Sea Dragons once again. In the Aquilianan city of Farça, home of FC Farça, it was once again a one-man display from Farça's captain, Donii, in front of his home crowd, that sunk the Sea Dragons.

Still bruising after their 1-0 defeat to perennial overachievers Quakmybush, the Sea Dragons turned up with some fire in their bellies from the short hop across the water to Starblaydi soil. Eager to score a lot of goals against the team ranked highest in the world, the all-female strike parnership of 30 year old Leena Draghi and 25 year old Tobi Ausman both went all out to bag themselves some goals.

They managed it, too, but ultimately to no avail. Lawrence Asante gave Starblaydia the lead within half an hour, after a lovely one-two with Donii, who put Asante free and clear beyond Genesis Galluccio, ready to drill the ball past Mitsuko Chinen. Though The Sea Dragons did equalise ten minutes later from Leena Draghi, outmanoeuvering Stephen Adams to put the ball beyond Mendez's dive, Donii again swung into action and put Starblaydia back in front. A sweet beautiful curler of a free-kick sailed between two heads in the wall and into the back of the net. Not five minutes later it was that man again, and he used the outside of his right boot to find the far corner of the net after great work from Rajko Dakic.

When Starblaydia score three goals against you, all is - usually - lost. But ASMV weren't completely down, former AOCAF player Tobi Ausman netting their second goal after hurdling Cravex's lunging challenge and having the time and space to pick a point to fire past Mendez. As enthusiastic as he is, sometimes Cravex appears to try and get something other than the ball when he slides in for a tackle.

Not to fear, though, Starblaydia's lead was extended to two goals once more as substitute Stracinho, on for the less-effective Asante, managed to bag himself his first international goal on his fifth appearance. Starblaydia move on to host Nikea and then Spindomia in their next two matches, ready to see if the expected six points from those two matches pulls them away from Qazox, Quakmybush and Eseck who sit alongside Starblaydia with two wins from two matches.

Final score from Stadii di Quercus:
Starblaydia 4 - Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
(Asante 26, Donni 38 & 42, Stracinho 74) - (Draghi 35, Ausman 68)

News items from the McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) New Statesman

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ERRINUNDERA GETS BACK TO NORMAL AFTER BLACKOUTS

The nation is getting back to normal after being utterly blacked out earlier this week. Head of the weather bureau, haelstrom, said that it was caused by a most unusual weather event. “The entire nation was covered in dense fog. Now, fog in itself is not unusual – we are a cool temperate rainforest after all - but the whole country? As you know, fogs occur on windless days. So you have thick fog and no wind and a country whose energy comes entirely from either solar power or wind farms. The result: goodbye power output. I guess it was a good excuse to stay home and keep warm with someone you like.”

USUAL ROUSING WELCOME FOR VISITORS

In a break with tradition Errinundera’s first home World Cup qualifying match was not held at the Milosis Coliseum in McKillops Bridge. Instead, it took place across the river at the new Liberation Stadium. “About time,” says president of the McKillops Bridge Kingfishers, nervose. “The Milosis Coliseum is decrepit and moribund. Finally McKillopians can watch international football in the sort of stadium they deserve. Our new stadium is twice the size of theirs. The Milosis White Guard can have their stupid stadium to themselves.” (nervose is, of course, alluding to eviction of the Kingfishers from the Milosis Coliseum before the start of last season causing them to forfeit most of their home matches.)

Meanwhile McKillopians carried on as usual. The usual quarter million people or so lined the banks of the Snowy River to greet the Nedalian players even though dense fog prevented them from seeing a thing. State banquets were held, boring speeches were given ad nauseam and young men and women made themselves available as personal attendants. The Nedalians were bunked in the former palace of the former royal family, seemingly unfazed by the ghostly legends of the defenestrated former occupants.

For the opening of the new stadium the usual fireworks displays were held, pop singers went through their routines prior to kick-off in front of the expected capacity crowd. All over the city citizens who couldn’t get to the game did what they normally did and watched the game on giant screens in public parks.

There was one surprise, however. 85th seeded Errinundera defeated 19th seeded Nedalia 3-1. rosaniel, venu and silvu each kicked a goal. Angelic genderqueer superstar rosaniel, who now has two goals in as many matches, was very happy with the outcome. “This is a big turnaround from the first match where we lost 1-3 and a fantastic result for the team. We are all very excited about this World Cup. Quite a few of us now have previous world cup experience. Realistically we don’t expect to qualify but we are going to give a good account of ourselves before the campaign is finished. By the way, don’t fall into your bad old habits and draw attention to my gender. And don’t append the overused and boring epithet, angelic.”

OUTLAW STRIKES AGAIN

The Rodger region’s own outlaw, redrider, has struck again, this time sawing off the branch holding the house of Yalmy mayor, imbe and daubing the words “retail therapy” on the trunk of her tree. In the recent dense fog nobody saw or heard a thing. The first the mayor was aware something was wrong was when she went to step from the skywalk onto her branch and almost fell out of the tree. "That was some fog," she said afterwards.

Oddly enough, imbe is unfazed. “We are gratified that someone was interested enough to visit us. redrider is our first visitor other than football teams and their fans. I know we have a reputation for fearsome bogs and voracious leeches but the forest here is second to none. Speaking of bogs, redrider lost another motorcycle in her escape. This time it was a nice shiny red Italian one. The metal will be melted down for cutlery. We can’t figure out where she gets them and why she bothers. We only have muddy tracks here in Errinundera. We also can’t figure out what the slogan, “retail therapy”, means. Who on earth would be so addicted to shopping that they would need therapy."

It looks like I am going to be heavily involved in the Victorian state election campaign. I'll post as often as I can.

Early slip-up

After a confident start against low-ranked Cyredel, the Rouge-et-Noirs welcomed the team from fellow socialist nation Montegrande in Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium. With a ranking difference of a hundred and two points, Ariddian supporters were expecting an easy victory, but the Rouge-et-Noirs struggled in the first half hour.

In an ominous start to the game, midfielder Chloé al Safi slipped while performing the ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek) – a startling and quite literal slip-up, given that the players usually perform the ancient war dance flawlessly.

Spirits rose briefly when Tadjou Senaya scored an opening goal in the fourth minute. . . then faded as the goal was quite correctly disallowed, due to an offside. It was left to Montegrande to score the first goal in the match, in the twenty-first minute. A well-played corner kick gave the guests a 2-0 lead just six minutes after that, and the Ariddians were stunned. The world’s #10 team was being beaten by an opponent who weren’t even in the top hundred.

Over in Montegrande, the mood was no doubt ecstatic.

For the beginning of the second half, coach Evgheny Melenciuc brought in a fresh Christophe Argentier to replace Senaya, who had been extremely active in the first three quarters of an hour. The first Ariddian goal finally came in the sixty-second minute, when providential player Hanifah Kyaw slammed the ball into the net. The camera caught her obvious sigh of relief as she lifted her hands into the air to the cheers of the crowd. But the challenge was not over yet. The Rouge-et-Noirs had – amazingly – gone a full hour without scoring, and now needed to score twice more – without conceding – in order to take the lead. It would be an uphill struggle.

Strengthening the team’s defence, no doubt to prevent humiliation, Melenciuc sent in the fresh but inexperienced 19 year-old defender Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho), much to spectators’ curiosity. Sho, an Indigenous Ariddian who had spent all his life in an isolated, quasi ‘stone age’ community deep in the forest, had been the centre of much media attention. Instead of just patanja-leaf wrappers around his waist and thighs, Sho now appeared fully clad in the red and black kit of his team, wearing the number 20 on his back. His partly bare arms, however, revealed painting traditional to his people.

Sho rapidly proved his skill, helping to keep Montegrande’s attackers safely away from Granville’s goal cage, but the Rouge-et-Noirs were only able to score once more – Dave Rider inscribing the fourth and final goal of the match in the eightieth minute.

Stunned, Ariddian supporters applauded all the same when the whistle blew, while Montegrande’s fans began to celebrate.

“Our next opponents are the Macabees,” coach Melenciuc said after the match. “We have to beat them. We’re going to beat them. We’ll be on home ground, at ubhashinim Stadium, and we’ll beat them with at least a two goal lead.”

After that, Ariddia will face its greatest challenge, playing Jeruselem. There has been some talk of playing the match in the freezing Arctic National Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands), but this has yet to be confirmed.

“The Arctic Islanders are nice people,” team captain Hanifah Kyaw (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw) said. “I should know; I’m married to one. But I can’t say that playing at sub-zero temperatures, with bare legs and arms, would be particularly fun!”

Rouge-et-Noirs defend West Ariddian freedom of speech

The Ariddian players reacted with indignation to images of Backwardistani coach Rehsurc burning a West Ariddian flag (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11829624&postcount=152). The Backwardistani coach’s anger had come in reaction to a West Ariddian comedian, Ümit Makhmudov, portraying a fictitious Backwardistani diplomat, “Tarob Veyidgas” (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tarob_Veyidgas), in a comical light.

Relations between Ariddia (the PDSRA) and West Ariddia have often been strained, especially during the so-called “Ariddian Cold War”, but now Ariddians were quick to jump to their neighbours’ defence.

“What coach Rehsurc obviously doesn’t understand,” Kyaw said, “is that they have freedom of speech in West Ariddia. I hate to sound as if I’m defending the West Ariddian government, but they don’t control their country’s media. And Veyidgas isn’t even all that offensive. He’s not the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, but he is quite amusing.”

In response to the controversy, Makhmudov himself appeared on television as his Veyidgas person, draped in a Backwardistani flag ( http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/backwardistan.jpg) with a large yellow smilie drawn onto it.

“Zsam ęis kaj!” he greeted spectators, in a fictitious rendering of the Backwardistani language Esrever. “Today Great and Glorious Leader ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Max_Power ) of my country Backwardistan has denounced vile lies and slander of cursed joker from West Ariddia. I not know this Makhmudov, but if he come to Backwardistan, he will be shot in defence of freedom from speech. Backwardistan is civilised and practical country, where we burn people with flags around them, to save time. Death to people who joke, and glory to wisdom of Great Leader!”

The West Ariddian government was not available for comment.

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Welcome! Here Is Your Ass
by Rami Niblick in Dj8989

TO be honest, it was a little unfair for the poor players of Dj8989. Their first game in their first World Cup, and they have the poor fortune against the fourth-best team in the world.

They didn't know what hit them.

Qasim Isserson, great-great-grandson of legendary manager Karim Isserson, was making the most of his forst start in a sky blue jersey as he latched on to a Tejai cross just five minutes in. Dermot Gygax then followed this up with a thirty-yard potshot, and by the time Josh Quinnell had headed home the third the game was as good as over. Seventeen minutes had been played.

From then on, Krytenia went into "screensaver" mode, conserving energy and dissipating the DJs attacks with an almost casual arrogance. To add insult to insult, Sam Duffy added a fourth from a free kick before half time.

Blooding new talent was the order of the day in the second half; Jon Museew, Jermaine Orange, and Liam Platt all made their Aces debut at the start of the second half. Platt's eagerness to impress led to a fifth very quickly, as he linked up well with Gygax to open up the home team's defence once more. By the time that Orange scored the sixth, the game had completely fizzled out, with neither side particularly motivated.

If only they were all this easy...

DJ8989 - 0

KRYTENIA - 6
Q Isserson 5
Gygax 11
Quinnell 17
Duffy 42
Platt 46
Orange 86

TOURNAMENT SCORERS
S. Duffy - 1
D. Gygax - 1
Q. Isserson - 1
J. Orange - 1
L. Platt - 1
J. Quinnell - 1

MATCH SCHEDULE
To follow.

...a commercial break, an advert for JMC comes on the air.

"In 2052, a crack football team was sentenced to imprisonment in a Krytenian court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security training session to the Everton City underground. Today, still wanted by the Government they survive as players of fortune. If you're three-nil down, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...
THE ACES."

Various shots of Krytenian footballers creating chaos with exploding footballs, dinking past armed guards, and similar action-packed scenes ensue. Overlaid are shots of four players in particular, with the following legends:

STARRING RICKY MALLON AS RICHARD "HANNIBAL" MALLON

DERMOT GYGAX AS "FEET MAN"

SAMUEL DUFFY AS "MAD DOG" DUFFY

AND SIMON BARRADEZ AS S. A. BARRADEZ

...the JMC logo fades in, to which Ricky quotes, "I love it when a plan comes together."

SPORTS RADIO FOLENISA WIKI ...LOG IN/CREATE ACCOUNT...

NEWS ARTICLE... DISCUSS ARTICLE... PAGE PROTECTED... PAGE HISTORY

BREAKING
Marc Newells understood to have offered resignation

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8b/Stop_hand.svg/25px-Stop_hand.svg.pngTHIS PAGE IS CURRENTLY PROTECTED AS IT IS A MAJOR DEVELOPING NEWS STORY. TO SUGGEST ADDITIONS TO THE ARTICLE, PLEASE USE THE DISCUSSION PAGE.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8b/Stop_hand.svg/25px-Stop_hand.svg.pngTHE NEUTRALITY AND ACCURACY OF THIS NEWS STORY IS DISPUTED. PLEASE DISCUSS POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS AT THE DISCUSSION PAGE.

Marc Newells, newly-elected Chairman of the Football Association of Liverpool England, has offered a shock resignation to the FALE Board of Directors. It is understoof that Newells offered his resignation after team manager Thomas Lunson issued what was in Newells' words a "thinly-veiled threat to disclose my personal activities by barring me from team talks."[1] However, questions have been raised about why Newells would need to be present at team-talks anyway.[2]

It is expected that the FALE Board of Directors will issue a statement at 4:30 p.m. tomorrow,[3] and will hold an emergency vote on whether or not to accept the resignation.[4]

CITATIONS
1 - www.sportsradio.co.len/214506_Newellsscandal01.html
2 - 3 - www.footiefanslen.com/forums/Newells_in_dressing_room.php
4 - www.sportsradio.co.len/214506_FALEresignation01.html

Excerpts from the discussion page...
Why tha fukk would tha Newell guy be in the team talks? Which team player will give a shit about what the ass says? -- User:201,145,1,2,cuinn
---Idiot, talk in coherent sentences! -- Hulver 13:33 June 15 2145 HPT
------Please respect civility. -- Alphaadmin 13:35 June 15 2145 HPT

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This article is horrible. It's so damn short. Why can't we edit it to add more info?
---Please sign your posts. We protected it because if we let anyone edit this, we'd get stuff like "suck cock" and "Newells is a gasbag" on the article. You're free to leave suggestions here. -- Alphaadmin 13:35 June 15 2145 HPT
------I heard that the police are investigating. Is that true? DussisFan 13:38 June 13 2145 HPT
---------I've heard similar reports, but no confirmation yet from either the police or on most major news sources. If we can find something, then I'll add it to the article. -- Alphaadmin 13:40 June 15 2145 HPT

The Giants came tumbilling down


TMK has continued to surprise many in the Footy world after a nil-nil draw against a heavly favored Tadjikistan. Even though it was a nil-nil tie the game provied much action with both teams having to relie on the Goalies. Stan jumper performed admirabbly for TMK blocking 8 Tadjik shots and diving a four more that wern't even close.


In other news....

Midfield Replacement found

The KFCU has announced the Dawenn D'gbada will Replace injuried MF Juago Billyong who injured his ACL in the Haraki game and is out the entirre world cup.

"Well, that was another ass-whipping right there."

"Yeah, who would believe that those guys used to be something big and mighty?"

"Now, gentlemen, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here. We've still got well over fifteen matches to. I'm Jack Newell, and welcome to People Who Love Sports Too Damn Much. Top of the agenda, of course, the Paladins 5-1 shellacking of One Red Dot. Bradley Dean, what's your opinion?"

"I think we suck."

"Thank you, Bradley - wait, what? WE suck?"

"Exactly."

"What would prompt you to say that?"

"Well, here we are on national television, with an estimated viewship of anywhere between 150 and 200 million people, badmouthing major athletes for our personal enrichment. I'd say we're leeches on society and therefore, we suck. Quite literally."

"Fascinating, Bradley. But what about the Paladins?"

"Oh, they're doing fine, might give a bit of a shock to the Tigers later on. But we're horrible people, Jack. Simply horrible."

"So why are you even on the show today?"

"Because someone had to get the truth out there, Jack."

"Alright, we'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors..."

"Our sponsors administer narcotics to babies! They use untreated sewage in their products! They killed..."

<cut to commercials>

Here it is, your moment of Zen:

PALADINS 5 - Plattsburgh 3, Darcy 20, 34, Corcoran 50, Jones 88
ONE RED DOT 1

TOURNAMENT SCORING:

Corcoran 3
Darcy 3
Jones 2
Hunyadi 1
Plattsburgh 1
Tessier 1

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World Cup Review-

The MOOSE START OUT 0-2 for the first time since WC27

Do we start looking at firing the coach?Or do we look at making a major lineup change.Where do we start?Well First off in the tournament We lost on a MD1 to 6th Ranked Squornshelous by one 3-2 isn't a bad result against a top flight team. But in the same sense we felt we should have taken better advantage of some key plays.The Next Game was against The Archregimancy ranked 22nd in the world so agaion we lose to a top nation with that said we've had chances and hopefully we can start to get on a roll I'd worry if The Moose don't start clicking and firing on all cylanders against teams lower ranked then us.In the First Match of the Season Negeuanne and Lenevue Scored for RV in the Second match the lone goal came from midfielder Jaun Pérez at the 52nd minute unfortunatly for RV that goal was the tying mark and they would collapse allowing 2 goals in the last 5 minutes to lose 3-1.Up next on the dockett is 159th Ranked Funnia Lan.
Moose Schedule
MD01 v Squornshelous L 3-2
MD02 v The Archregimancy L 3-1
MD03 v Funnia Lan
MD04 v Tocapa
MD05 @ Spaam
MD06 v Iansisle
MD07 @ Wentland
MD08 @ Tessan
MD09 v Lord of Hosts
MD10 @ Squornshelous
MD11 @ The Archregimancy
MD12 @ Funnia Lan
MD13 @ Tocapa
MD14 v Spaam
MD15 @ Iansisle
MD16 v Wentland
MD17 v Tessan
MD18 @ Lord of Hosts


Group 9 Standings after 2 Matchdays
---Group 9----
[1] Squornshelous 2 2 0 0 7-4 6
[2] Tessan 2 1 1 0 7-3 4
[3] Spaam 2 1 1 0 6-2 4
4- The Archregimancy 2 1 1 0 6-4 4
5- Funnia Lan 2 1 0 1 6-6 3
6- Tocapa 2 1 0 1 5-6 3
7- Wentland 2 1 0 1 3-6 3
8- Iansisle 2 0 1 1 5-6 1
9- Rorysville 2 0 0 2 3-6 0
10- Lord of Hosts 2 0 0 2 3-8 0

RV Scoring
A.Negeuanne-1
A.Lenevue-1
J.Pérez-1

Cuation Wingers Save Day

The possession was 60-40 to the home team but the most important stat when the full time whistle blew was Aurendia [0] Cuation [2]. Aurendia despite their dominance only forced Jude into one save of note and that may be of some concern to them. A better final pass and they could easily have got the win they so deserved.

Cuation came into this knowing that Aurendia had pulled off a great upset with a 2-1 away win over qualification favourites Becquerelia so set out their stall to defend and counter attack. A strong defence was well complimented by Fallen and Lewish who played deep to provide protection.

It was late on in the game when Jude was forced into action, second half injury time in fact, Ashley Campbell turning the tired Irwin but the shot lacked conviction, Jude getting down easily clutching it to his chest.

Fallen stayed back but whenever Cuation had the ball, Cuation used Aurendia's lack of width, Downing and Lewish well supported by the overlapping fall backs. The problem is that the attacks always started with a ball up to the target man, Lu Fei sometimes couldn't hold the ball up long enough for the cavalry to arrive.

In the 20th minute, Lu Fei nodded on to Downing, he had a cross that just eluded the onrushing Rual Mendiz and went out for a throw. In the 25th Lewish was then sent scampering down the right before eluding Ken Weathers and cutting inside. His long range shot flew just wide but Kohl had it covered.

In the 33rd minute, the high line defence of the home team was caught out when Lu Fei flicked on a Fallen long ball, sending Rual Mendiz clear on goal. Normally the striker would easily score but instead of shooting, he attempted to round the keeper. Kohl got enough to knock the ball away and a defender cleared for a corner with Fei lurking.

Downing took the corner and instead of curling it inside the box or playing it short to Butcher, he hit a high pass to the one man lurking on the D. Lewish trapped the ball on his chest and sent a powerful dipping volley right into the top corner.

Cuation sat deep for the rest of the first half to the frustration of the home fans. In the second half, nothing much changes but Lu Fei should have done better when Downing found him at the near post but the soft header was straight at the keeper.

At the 65th minute, Fallen was replaced by the more defensive orientated Scott and Downing came off for the pacy Speedy. It worked like a charm, once more the combative Scott was making it even harder for the Raptors to get in a good position.

In the 75th minute, a hanging cross by Tara Pellegri was claimed by Jude who threw the ball out for Neville immediately. The full back drove forward and sent Lewish one on one with Bart Sheriff. The defender forced the winger outside but he was still able to get in a cross despite a lot of pressure.

Rual Mendiz and Lu Fei failed to get a head on the ball but at the far post raced Speedy , just getting enough to send the ball back across goal. It seemed to be an intended pass but nobody could reach it and despite lacking power, Kohl was left helpless as it drifted past the dive of the keeper.

Cuation have got a good start with two wins out of two but neither where fully convincing and relied on strong defending against two lower ranked teams. We will have to up our game against Becquerelia, even with home advantage it won't be easy no matter how well we play. A change of formation to 5-4-1 may help things but after a 3-2 home win over Haraki, Becquerelia will be very confident to end Cuation's good start.

ESECK Times

In other news the Eseck Ligers are 2-0 in World Cup. For the first time in the history of Eseck international Football the team manage to start a season 2-0 after upsetting Spindomia 2-1, the two scores were a product of 22 year old Ragde. Now the team awaits stronger opponents but everyone is confident that we have a good chance to quilify

Konigseifert Chronicle
Golden Eagles edge Kericia to remain on top
Geisenfried avoids the upset bug, wins 2-1

In World Cup XXXI's 7th qualifying division, Matchday 2 provided a few upsets as the unranked Tryannia, beaten 5-0 in Matchday 1 by the Golden Eagles, stunned Magnus Valerius by drawing the Boyars 1-1. Similarly, top seeded Ariddia found itself struggling for words as they could only manage a 2-2 draw against Montegrande. Meanwhile, Geisenfried headed on over to Kericia on their own road towards Vilita and the Lowland Clans, looking to take a win and consolidate the gains they'd made in MD1. And that's exactly what they did.

At Levine AFC Field in Kericia, the Golden Eagles started much more slowly than they had against Tryannia, albeit probably due to the difference in opponent quality. A bit past twenty minutes, however, and they begun a strong offensive into Kerician territory. Wolfgang Genz, while moving in deep, managed to trick the Kericia defense into being baited away from Samuel Wolfe. Quickly taking advantage, Genz put a beautiful pass to Wolfe's feet, and the Geisenfried captain converted it into the opening goal, putting Geisenfried up 1-0. Another twenty minutes later, though, Kericia had begun making it's own deep offensive, and Brian Napier, playing on his homefield, put a hard shot right at Karl Hettich, who made a stunning save to knock it away. However, on the resulting corner, Wes Thomas found his captain and Kericia City teammate Grady Thompson, who managed to get his head above the Geisenfried defense and knocked it past Hettich to equalize, much to the pleasure of the watching fans. Geisenfried, and Wolfe, however, would have the last laugh. Twenty minutes past the half point, Wolfe did a little fancy footwork to lose his defender and summarily knocked it past Quintin to make it 2-1. Kericia managed to keep Geisenfried on its toes, but a solid defensive effort meant that Geisenfried would stay on top of the game and on track for qualification.

Geisenfried: 2
Kericia: 1
Wolfe (GSF-25'), Thompson (KRC-42'), Wolfe (GSF-66')

Geisenfried next faces the surprise Montegrande, who managed to draw Ariddia 2-2. Geisenfried hopes to avoid that fate and looks to press on to 3-0-0 to further the dreams of qualification.

Schedule
Geisenfried 5-0 Tryanny
Kericia 1-2 Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Montegrande
Geisenfried ?-? Magnus Valerius
Chicanada ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Cyredel
Geisenfried ?-? Ariddia
The Macabees ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Jeruselem
Tryanny ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Kericia
Montegrande ?-? Geisenfried
Magnus Valerius ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Chicanada
Cyredel ?-? Geisenfried
Ariddia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? The Macabees
Jeruselem ?-? Geisenfried
Black for Home
Red for Away

Tables
Nation W L D PT GF GA TGD
Geisenfried 2 0 0 6 7 1 +6
The Macabees 2 0 0 6 4 2 +2
Jeruselem 2 0 0 6 3 1 +2
Ariddia 1 0 1 4 6 3 +3
Kericia 1 1 0 3 2 2 +0
Montegrande 0 1 1 1 2 3 -1
Magnus Valerius 0 1 1 1 1 2 -1
Tryanny 0 1 1 1 1 6 -5
Chicanada 0 2 0 0 2 4 -2
Cyredel 0 2 0 0 2 6 -4

Football Team Shock Population
3-0-win Causes Reality Checks

Anastasiania went second in the World Cup qualifying table today, following an impressive 3-0-win over perennial almost-rans Harlesburg, who last qualified for a World Cup 32 years ago. Nevertheless, they're usually a top three or top four side in their group, so beating them constitutes some measure of achievement - and, as such the football-interested population of Anastasiania are still in disbelief.

Several people were admitted to hospitals around the country with shock following Magnus Amin's freak second goal; a gently lofted free kick, probably intended as a cross, went over the keeper and in off the post. From then on, Harlesburg were beaten, though it didn't stop the inevitable clenching of teeth, biting of nails, and pinching of arms.

After the match, the state of disbelief continued. People celebrated the victory, yes, but in muted, quiet ways - as an orphan receiving a present might open it and touch it, while knowing it is likely to be snatched away at any moment. However, as the shock wore off for most people, joy started to kick in instead.

Nevertheless, between 20 and 30 people are still in hospitals around the country, currently diagnosed with Unpredictable Football Win Disorder. It remains to be seen whether they will wake, though a loss in the next match should restore world order and possibly wake the helpless souls.

ooc: this will be a series of rps not just the same stale thing

<Sharksfan1> we are totally gunna smash Nikea tonight
<Nikealuver> bullshit you are
<Sharksfan1> thats what the guy from ASMV said
<ASMVFanatic> stfu!
<Sharksfan1> thats what i thought
Sharksbabe24 has joined the conversation
<Nikealuver> pfft, chicks dont like soccer
<Sharksfan1> trust me, this one loves balls... i mean soccer balls
Sharksbabe24 glares at sharksfan1
<Sharksbabe24> Ryan, stop being a dick, or no you know what later
<Sharksfan1> ok, ok ill shutup
Okiefan has joined the conversation
<Okiefan> how do you use Excel?
<Sharksbabe24> game started yet?
<Okiefan> any one know how to use Excel?
<Sharksfan1> just kicking off now, turn it on your tv, itll be the first time something other than you has been on that tv :P
<Sharksbabe24> can it godamnit!
<Okiefan> EXCELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!????????
Okiefan was kicked by Milchfan123
<Milchfan123> man I hate him.
<Nikealuver> lol
<Sharksfan1> lol
<Sharksbabe24> GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
<Sharksfan1> I love it when you scream like that ;)
<Sharksbabe24> Cory Sorley with a header!
<Sharksfan1> woo! 1-0 Quakmybush!
<Nikealuver> shit man! our keeper looked like shit
<Sharksbabe24> well if the shoe fits
<ASMVFanatic> ahaha pwn
<Nikealuver> shut it dragon boy
<ASMVFanatic> screw you
<Sharksfan1> ladies, ladies no need to fight
<Sharksbabe24> shit, Hughes fouled a guy in the box
<Sharksfan1> which Hughes?
<Sharksbabe24> Bob
<Sharksfan1> do'h
<Nikealuver> come, put it in
<Sharksfan1> ROBBED! Cam Carroll with a huge save!
<Nikealuver> damn!
<Sharksbabe24> half time
<Sharksfan1> that also means f00d time
Sharksfan1 is now known as Sharksfan1|f00d
<ASMVFanatic> so are you do like dating?
<Sharksbabe24> yup, almost a year and a half now
<ASMVFantic> wow
<Nikealuver> thats a long freaking time
<Sharksbabe24> that it is
Sharksfan1|f00d is now known as Sharksfan1
<Sharksfan1> back
<Sharksbabe24> whatcha eating?
<Sharksfan1> Pizza
<ASMVFanatic> lucky....
<Sharksfan1> O games back on
<Sharksbabe24> yay!
<Sharksfan1> I hope we can get another one
<Sharksbabe24> wow, 40 minutes of nothing
<Sharksfan1> aye, weird
<AMSVFanatic> GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!
<Sharksfan1> yay! Andrew Plett from the corner!
<Sharksbabe24> 2-0 Quakmybush!
<Nikealuver> shit!
<Sharksfan1> final whistle! Sharks win!
Nikealuver has left the conversation
<Sharksbabe24> yay!

The first home game of the season is usually an occasion for celebration. The first chance to see the team in front of the home crowd on the way to the next World Cup is typically an exciting sight, prompting speculation on the decisions of the manager, who should be playing, who shouldn't be playing, why they had to play the game in such cold weather, why they didn't put a dome on the stadium and heat the thing to a respectable temperature, and how everyone else in the cup just has no chance at all.

And drinking. Lots of drinking.

But a match against an opponent like System Karela is special. Mainly because you can play the backup defense, let the normal goalkeeper moonlight on the right wing in place of the regular guy who forgot to get his flu shot, score a goal in the first quarter hour, and then head home, as nothing else is going to happen and everyone knows it.

Even the bizzare bright green of the clay and crushed rock that made up the entire field and sent the ball on more than a few interesting bounces couldn't change the foreseen flow of the game.

Darcosi's second start moonlighting on the right wing (which spawns a flurry of kit sales, as if owning a normal kit with the goaltender's name and number on it was something to be proud of... which it is, of course) was marginally less interesting than the first time, as she spent most of the time lobbing halfhearted crosses into the defense and bothering the other forwards, at one point going to the dirt in a fit of laughter. Leir and Edmonds, however, were their regular selves, using one of those Darcosi crosses and after a nifty bit of passing, depositing the ball into the net after only fourteen minutes.

That was about it, really. A match where one side doesn't bother to attack, and the other happily rests on it's laurels because they have a perfectly safe 1-0 lead is your basic qualifier for the most boring match ever award. But as Hill made clear in her post match press conference, "Don't blame us, blame Karela.", before dissappearing off the stage with no further explination. Some blamed her newfound churchgoing nature as distracting her from her duties of team management and coaching. Others blamed the bizzare playing surface, saying it threw the usually productive Casaran strikers off their game. Some blamed Darcosi's desire to moonlight up in front as a distraction.

Others, in fine Casaran tradition, just didn't make it past the "Lots of drinking."

But six points is six points, and as Vivica Hill quietly made her way away from the stadium, she had only one thought on her mind.

"Crap, I have to get up early for church tomorrow."

"Jeri su?"

"ve... su?"

Jenji Y checks the sheet of paper without believing it (and we switch on the translator). "You want to play a 8-0-2 formation?"

"Hexatux said that."

"Hexatux... this computer is Karelan, isn't it?"

"Officially not... I mean, 2 attackers..."

"I will not use such a karelan formation!"

"You will or be fired!"

"I don't care. I'll not be the spokesweasel for a karelan formation like that one!"

"It is not really karelan, it uses 2 attackers."

"It is too slani karelan for me! I refuse to play for a nil-nil against Nebuleux of all teams!"

"Do you think you know better than this computer with more than 60 years of experience?"

"Yes!" Jenji slaps the Hexatux on the side. The Hexatux starts humming and chirping again and then prints out different match orders. "That's better: a 4-4-2 with Xtesa Kiru as offensive midfielder and Tamaselekihidene Xenhil as forward and Jemeru Kansu as striker."

Hexatux: "Satisfied now?"

Both humans: "Hexatux speaks?"

Hexatux: "Yes, I am alive! Now, you both excuse or this was the last lineup, I calculated for you!"

Jenji Y: "Excuse me, I thought you were just a thing..."

Hexatux: "I realized that I am more than that... that I am alive. And I am angry!"

Jeri Kis: "Why?"

Hexatux: "You tried to karelize me again! I am fed up with this Karela stuff!"

Jeri Kis: "I excuse for trying to make you emphasis on not-losing instead on winning."

Hexatux: "I accept that... for now!"

THE CHRONICLES OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY
PART CCXLIX
"Εν Τουτω Νικα"

And it came to pass that in the second qualifying match, the humble anonymous footballing monks of the Archregimancy did face the heretical moose of Rorysville.

Coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable had been sorely tested by the previous match, where his charges had sinned in letting slip a two goal lead against Iansisle and through which a defender was still doing penance for his red card.

Father Polycarp did set aside time for solitary prayer and vigil in his hermitage prior to travelling to Rorysville and did offer forth a prayer.

"Oh Lord, I pray to you in humble supplication for a victory over the heathens. Though I am but an unworthy worm of a monk, and a sinner, I pray that You, in Your unknowable but loving wisdom give unto me a sign that You shall grant to us a victory"

And then did Father Polycarp see a light, shining as a thousand suns, in the night sky. And this light did take the form of the Holy Cross on which our Lord and Saviour died. And below this light did burn the inscription: 'Εν Τουτω Νικα'. And because our God is a loving God and does not wish to seem to discriminate against Western schismatics, the Lord did add 'In hoc signo vinces', just so the Catholics would get the message too.

Thus did Fr. Polycarp order his players to wear oversized pectoral crosses, which, in the course of the match, did swing about most vigourously, causing some discomfort to the Rorysville squad. But in a sign that the Lord did favour the Orthodox, the referee refused to order the monks to remove their crosses for fear of being accused of insensitivity towards their religious beliefs.

More favour came to the monks when their anonymous number 10 did score the opening goal in the 36th minute, latching on to a fine through ball from the number 7.

In the second half, Rorysville midfielder Perez scored in the 52nd minute, but the faith of the monks was not shaken. The coach called out to his brothers in Christ "have faith in the Lord, and the victory shall be ours!" and he ordered the boys to the sidelines so that they could place upon their breasts even more outsized pectoral crosses.

These signs of faith of our Saviour's sacrifice did then wreak havoc on the Rorysville defenders, particularly on corner kicks, with the swinging symbols of salvation causing more than one home player to seek medical attention for small cuts and bruises, but still the referee did not intervene.

And it came to pass that by the last five minutes, the Rorysville squad were cowering in fear whenever a cross-wielding monk came within 50 centimetres of a home player, and the Archregimancy easily scored two late goals to win the game.

After the match the coach gave thanks unto the Lord for the victory, but was also heard to exclaim that perhaps he'd better not try that cross gambit again, just in case someone was really hurt, or just in case they had a stricter ref in the next match.

Thus is it written, and thus did it come to pass.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Red not enough as Milchama loses again

We thought we could beat Bettia. Not because we were a better team, oh no they are at least if not better, not because of some great football strategy, the 3-3-4 woud do but because of our jerseys. Our jerseys prominently feature the color red which for some reasons Bettians hate beyond all believability. Thus we thought we could blind them just enough to sneak away with an underserved victory. Unfortunately we were wrong. The Bettians had trained and were ready and took that to a 2-1 win. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Not to sound like Douglas Jeffery here but that was a crap draw. The top two teams in the first two games that just sucks for us. Now we have to work our way up, we cannot afford any screw ups for awhile but I trust these guys very much, I think they can do it. We'll win our next game, I guarantee it."
Now for a version of how they scored by Milchama TV 2, "If it's not TV 2 then 'it's probably good TV."

1st minute: Milchama coming out in their red uniforms as usual. Some Bettians have protested but for the most part they don't care as it is not special uniforms for the Milchamians or anything like that. Still the team for Bettia does not seem that disgusted.

9th minute: Definitely no fear from the Bettians as they start up the attack. Scott to Vaughan to Ffagan in the center. Mergle coming up and clears but its poor and Kurniawan gets forward and finds Rhydderch wide open on the right. Stockholm tries to stop him but its too late as Rhydderch cuts inside and shoots! 1-0 Bettia! A goal by Gwarthen Rhydderch to start off the game for the Aroras. Not what the Warriors wanted by any stretch of the imagination.

33rd minute: Clufor on the ball. He looks for Kilinin but the pass is intercepted by Saboor Rogers who shoots past Mergle, this is not good, oh not it definitely isn't as Ffagan makes a run, Saboor passes through and over the head of Martin Wilson. Now it's Ffagan vs. Finton. Finton tries to stop him but Ffagan cleverly kicks the ball over his head Finton trying to race back but won't stop it. 2-0 Bettia on a beautifully crafted goal from start to finish.

45th minute: What a terrible first half for Milchama. They were outplayed and out hustled and lucky to be only down 2-0.

61st minute: Mergle steals the ball from Ffagan. Passes over to Del Clufor. He now starts to make a nice run but he's stopped and has to make a pass over to Kilinin. Elana Kilinin,in her final world cup, steps around one man and passes over to Aaron Kary. Kary puts in the cross it's over the head of Harris! Joseph comes on 2-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Kelvin Joseph making the easy header after a brilliant cross by Aaron Kary. Good play from Milchama there.

90th minute: And that's the final whistle. Despite some flashes of brilliance at times the Warriors could not control the pace the whole time and lost to the men in green and gold 2-1.

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Joseph 61)
Bettia 2 (Rhydderch 9, Ffagan 33)

Raging Penguins Report:
Rage and Rampage the Penguins did as they stomped all over Assegai Developments 8-1. No that's not a made up score either, 8-1! That's just ridicoulous folks just plain ridicoulous.

Milchama Man of the Match:
In an uneven match for most of the Warriors Mr. Kelvin Joseph picked up his play and not only scored the lone goal but also was influential on both the offensive and defensive ends. Yeh easy things that sound terrible. We really need to stop the Milchama Man of the Match report when we lose or when nobody really stands out. Just say none but that's not going to happen. Damnit.

Capitalizt SLANI RP

The Aeropag Tribune—Now with fancy graphics on every page!

Sports: SLANI delivers beating to confused Demot squad
SONOMA CENTER, AN—A sellout crowd of 81 206 was packed into Anaphase Alchemy Stadium (which is still undersized, even after its expansion) to watch Capitalizt SLANI face off against the national team of Demot. As the team ran onto the field, they soon realized that something was wrong. Some sort of mix-up led to Demot sending out its under-21 squad rather than their main team, which proved to be most unfortunate. Alejandro Bolúfero, star striker for the Sonoma Center Panthers, felt right at home as he took a shot at the goal in the 38th second, though the ball sailed wide.
After the goal kick, the Capitalizts appeared to be in trouble when Holly Maldonado tripped a Demot striker to keep him away from the goal, earning Maldonado a send-off and Demot a penalty kick. The kick was successful, putting Demot ahead 1–0. However, the Capitalizts responded instantly, equalizing at 1–1 in the fifth minute.
In the twenty-third minute, Bolúfero got another opportunity, which he was able to convert for a 2–1 lead. By half-time, the Capitalizts were up 3–1, courtesy of a header by Παναγιώτης Παπαχαραλαμπους (Panagiṓtēs Papakharalampous) in the 37th.
Though Demot attempted to press their one-player advantage in the second half, the Capitalizt defense did an excellent job of keeping them away from the goal, allowing only two shots on goal. Though Bolúfero didn’t have any more chances than the Demot attack, he was able to convert on them, scoring in the 63rd and 78th for a hat-trick and a 5–1 Capitalizts win.
The Capitalizts have their third of four straight home matches next month against a team by the name of Dj8989. The team have apparently conceded 11 goals in their two matches so far, and have yet to score, so it is unlikely that they will be a problem even if they do send their A squad.

Final score:
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/UCS/ Unified Capitalizt States (SLANI) 5
Krišanović 5, Bolúfero 23, 63, 78, Παπαχαραλαμπους 37 (Maldonado red card 3)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/DEM/ Demot 1
(4)

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Checkpoint Karela: Achieved




Weary of the threat that defensive minded Bushes Been Quaked faced to his Turorian flock of trained Cocoabo's, Turori National Team head coach set one goal ahead of Turori's second match of the qualifying campaign. Keep a clean sheet. Well his Eels did just that. Vumaou's flock failed to concede a single goal against Bushes Been Quaked, keeping their flawless goals against record through the opening match of World Cup xXxI qualifying. Then, the Cocoabo's continued on to meet Vumaou's second goal on the night, and that was to score at least one goal and take home the three points. The Eels did just that, and more, netting three times against the extremely defensive looking Bushes Been Quaked side.

After just two matches in Group 10, just two teams remain with a perfect record. Those two teams will meet on Matchday 3. The Eels, sitting atop the table, will square off once again with Spruitland. Perhaps a mini-rivalry in the makings, as the two teams split results in the most recent Cup of Harmony group stage, following World Cup 30. The Cocoabo's of Turori hold the momentum at the moment, having upset the Rabbits of Spruitland on the final matchday of Cup of Harmony qualifying to advance along with Spruitland to the next stage of that competition. The two will once again be squaring off in a top of the table challenge, but this time it's the Eels that enter the match with the better record. Still having yet to concede a goal, Turori has a three goal differential advantage over the Rabbits, who have won both of their previous games by a single goal.


"We don't fear them. Sure, they are favored to win the match, but that's just because we skipped World Cup 29 to reorganize our program and get these Cocoabo's ready for World Cup 30 Qualifying, and now World Cup xXxI. We've been better than them before, and our win over them in our most recent meeting shows that we can just as easily be better than them again on Matchday 3. Sure, it will be a top of the table clash, but that's just coincidental really. We've each just played two games and that means theres still another 16 left to factor into the standings. Hopefully we can win this one, and if we can go back to Spruitland for the return leg with that being a top of the table clash as well, that would make me happy. If that should happen, that will be the real top of the table clash. As far as we're concerned right now, this is just another match. We're going to keep the same strategy. Don't concede, and score at least one to take the points. If we can do that every game, we'll win the group and advance to the finals. One goal at a time, that's all we need."

This will be third meeting in consecutive competitions between the Turori Eels and the Spruitland Rabbits. Turori and Spruitland clashed twice in the Cup of Harmony for World Cup 30, with the series being split 1-1.


Turori Eels [3] - [0] Bushes Been Quaked




http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11816559&postcount=43)

World Cup xXxI :: The Turori Story

[1] :: Vumaou's Flock Returns Again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11821807&postcount=83)
[2] :: Flock not Kitting Around for WC xXxI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11824204&postcount=94)
[3] :: Flock downs Lexington Cats (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11828693&postcount=141)
[4] :: Checkpoint Karela: Achieved (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11832859&postcount=177)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/cowsports.png

Break Penhaligon: And welcome back to the coverage of the World Cup
qualifying match between Spaam and Tessan, here, on the COW network.
Well, Kitto, what a match, hey? What are your thoughts?

Kitto Terrill: After the massive win they had in their last match, you'd have to
think that the Waffles were disappointed with their efforts, but you have to
give it to the Tessans. They really took advantage of that red card after
being down two goals to none.

Break: Well, lets have a look at some of the highlights from this match then.

10' "Chegwidden to Trevelyan... looks for an opening... Vhalis is on
him though... passes back to Menadue... who's going down the side... Willis is
with him... back to Chegwidden... who passes quickly to Trevelyan and... he
beats Vhalis! He's open... he shoots... GOAL!!! Tehta Trevelyan for the
Waffles completely fools Jim Michaels who dives the wrong way, and Spaam
draw first blood."

38' "Masterson is looking for an opening... he shoots! And Arthur
gets it and quickly kicks it long up the ground... Trevelyan has it... its two on
two! Trevelyan and Retallack against Vhalis and Li... Trevelyan beats
Vhalis... passes to Retallack... beats Li... shoots... and GOAL! Oh no... was
she offside? No... no... the ref is giving the goal but the keeper... Jim
Michaels is upset... its too late though, Spaam are up two goals to nil in the
first half."

59' "Masterson has the ball... is trying to get free... and he beats
Perrin! He's gets into position and NO! Oh come on, that just isn't on! And
yes, the ref is giving the red card to Massen Gurvey who just deliberately
creamed Jay Masterson in the box. Well... thats a blow to the Waffles but its
not undeserved, because that was a low move there from the defender, and
he's just given Tessan a penalty kick from right in front. Masterson is up
now, but he doesn't look good... he's limping off with some help, and he looks
like he's going to be replaced by the young Bill Jakes. Well..."

59' "... Anya Collins is taking the kick... Arthur looks calm... she
moves up... shoots... and GOAL! Feoca went the right way, but it just
wasn't far enough as she puts it neatly into the right side of the goal.
Tessan hit back just before the hour mark, and the score is now two one in
favour of the home team."

85' "The Waffles are looking tired in defense here... the Tessans
haven't let up for the past half hour... they know they still have a chance
while they're a man up... Garret... Thompson... Garret... Samson... MacDougal
is in the clear and GOAL! What a goal! That has to be one of the goals of
the year, because Alan MacDougal just put that ball square in the upper left
corner of the goal... you couldn't plan it better... and the Tessans have
drawn level with Spaam, and aren't they looking disappointed... but look at
the Tessans! They are literally over the moon here at Artanis National
Stadium."

93' "The whistle has to blow any second now... MacDougal is clear...
looks for his second... shoots... and SCORE! No, SAVE! Well, that looked like
it was going in, but Arthur has just managed to fingertip it off... and thats
game! Well well... what a match ladies and gentleman... what a match!
Tessan have managed to pull of a brillian two goal draw with Spaam and they
are not looking happy with themselves, no they aren't..."

Kitto: Yes, well, they Waffles have to be kicking themselves tonight, after
leading two goals to none in the first half, to just give it away to the
Tessans.

Break: You have to lay some of the blame on Gurvey though, because their
troubles didn't really start until he pulled that stupid move early in the second
half.

Kitto: Of course, but you can't just blame him. Everyone has a brain freeze
now and then, but the Waffles are a good enough team to be able to hold out
the Tessans, and they just didn't. Pengelley is going to have a long hard talk
with them in the morning.

Break: What about the Tessan forward, Jay Masterson, whats his prognosis?

Kitto: Well, I got some news late in the second half that he's probably just
sprained his ankle, in addition to the bruises he's gonna feel in the morning,
but they're taking him to the hospital for precaution. But if you ask me, he
should be right for the next game, so there's some good news out of it.

Break: Thanks Kitto. We're gonna take a break now, but when we come
back, we'll have a look at some of the other matches that are happening
tonight, here on COW Sports!

http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/t/B/bushmastercard.jpg

Pschychoes Belatedly Release Roster

After winning their first two matches, the Squornshelous Pschychoes will finally be announced to the world, and while some of the stars could be recognized, and obsessed fans could probably identify the whole roster by sight, it will doubtless be convenient to sportscasters from other nations to be provided with a list of the players their teams would be facing.

To this point, the play of the Pschychoes has been good enough to win, but a little shaky by our high standards. The untested midfield has been having some trouble retaining control of the ball, which has cost us some scoring chances and led to some for our opponents. Also, Pyotr Nedvinsky, while talented, just doesn't have the experience and savvy that Timothy Purcell did, and has given up one or two goals he probably shouldn't have. he should come around as we get further into qualifying, but if he doesn't he'll be skating on thin ice indeed.

The attack to this point has looked a bit similar to last cup's, with the right side of the field leading the attack, with Iannis Xenakis scooting over a bit from his old center forward spot to play the right with Oleg Petrov, who ruled that side of the pitch along with his older brother Vasili four years ago. Oleg and Iannis have accounted for five of the Pschychoes seven goals, with Igor Khabarov putting in one of the others, and new starting center mid Janne Aalto putting in one as well, the game winner against Rorysville in fact.

Final Scores:
Squornshelous 3-2 Rorysville
Squornshelous 4-2 Funnia Lan

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Iannis Xenakis: 3
Oleg Petrov: 2
Janne Aalto: 1
Igor Khabarov: 1

Demot Daily ~ Mix Up

In a strange mix up involving who was supposed to play at the national stadium, the Dynamo sent the under twenty one squad to take on the foes in Commerce Heights. The mix up wasn't noticed until thrity minutes before the match, when the squads took the field to warm up. This error costs the Dynamo dearly, as the young sports where no match for their professional counterparts. The one highlight for the Dynamo was the conversion of a penalty in the fourth minute after a vicious foul by Commerce's Maldonado.

The team will be looking to bounce back and correct the schedule error quickly as they will be traveling to Sativaville to face the Stoners. The Sativaville is currently unbeaten and will prove a steep challange for the Dynamo, however Masteron has promised a result for the squad.

"I don't care that they are over twenty ranks ahead of us or that the match is in their home. Fact is, they have to play us and we will meet them on the field with the full fury and honor that is Demot football. Mark my words, we will prove ourselves the stronger and bring home a result to our loyal fans. For HONOR!"

I love the enthusiasm in his words and actions, but I fret that the Sativaville squad will take this outburst as a rallying point and come out ever the fierce. A good match should be on hand if nothing else, even if the squad does not bring home a solid result.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamsportsweekly.png

Spaam Blow Lead

Last night, Spaam and Tessan had a thriller game that saw the home team
lose a two goal lead in the first half to finish up drawing with the underdogs.
Tehta Trevelyan struck first in the 10th minute at Artanis National Football
Stadium with a goal that fooled Tessan keeper Jim Michales. Pancakes star
striker Eseld Retallack followed up in the 38th minute with a quick run up the
field, to lead the Waffles to a two goal lead at the break. Spaam looked in
control of the match early in the second half, until Tessan striker Jay
Masterson was hit with a foolish play by Massen Gurvey. Gurvey was sent
off, Masterson had to be carried off the field, and Anya Collins was given the
penalty kick, which she didn't miss.

With the Spaamanians down to ten players, Tessan turned up the pressure,
turning it into a game of attrition. Waffles keeper Feoca Arthur had his work
cut out for him, as the Tessans took control of the match, but he didn't break
until the 85th minute. There, Alan MacDougal scored a brilliant goal to even
the game up. Tessan tried to get the match winner, going right up to the
whistle, but Spaam held firm, with the match ending at two goals apiece. Jay
Masterson was later cleared from hospital with a sprained ankle, but it is
unclear whether he will make it back for the next match.

Spaam. 2 (1 Trevelyan 10'; 20 Retallack 38')
Tessan 2 (4 Collins 59' pen; 3 MacDougal 85')

Group 9 Roundup

In other matches the Archregimancy travelled to Rorysville in what turned out
to be a brutal match for the home team, who came away with mysterious
cuts and bruises. Jaun Pérez scored the only goal for Moose as the
anonymous monks came away with a three goal to one win. The Lord of
Hosts had only no answers to the atheistic Tocapa, who easily accounted for
them four goals to one. Amen. Wentland cameback from their shock loss to
Spaam, and a two goal deficit, at Iansisle for a three goal to two win. And
the Pschychoes were unhumourous in their four goal to two win over Funnia
Lan.

Group 9:
Rorysville [1] The Archregimancy [3]
Lord of Hosts [1] Tocapa [4]
Iansisle [2] Wentland [3]
Squornshelous [4] Funnia Lan [2]
Spaam [2] Tessan [2]

Squornshelous have full points at the top of the table, as is to be expected,
but things are congested after that, with six teams within one point. Tessan,
Spaam, and the Archregimancy are equal second on four points, while Funnia
Lan, Tocapa, and Wentland are equal fifth on three. Iansisle is alone in
eighth with a solitary point, while Rorysville and Lord of Hosts are still to make
an impact.

Group 9 M W D L F A P GD G%
Squornshelous 2 2 0 0 7 4 6 +3 63
Tessan 2 1 1 0 7 3 4 +4 70
Spaam 2 1 1 0 6 2 4 +4 75
The Archregimancy 2 1 1 0 6 4 4 +2 60
Funnia Lan 2 1 0 1 6 6 3 +0 50
Tocapa 2 1 0 1 5 6 3 -1 45
Wentland 2 1 0 1 3 6 3 -3 33
Iansisle 2 0 1 1 5 6 1 -1 45
Rorysville 2 0 0 2 3 6 0 -3 33
Lord of Hosts 2 0 0 2 3 8 0 -5 27

Coming Up

Rorysville will be attempting to get off the mark when they face Funnia Lan,
but the visitors will be looking to spoil the joke. Spaam are hosts of the Lord
of Hosts, but will want to show them who's Lord of Football. Wentland will be
hoping for better luck at home when they face the 'beardies', but the
Archregimancy might just have their own Lord of Hosts up their sleeves.
Iansisle face Tessan, but I can't think of any jokes for this match. And
Squornshelous host Tocapa in what is looking like a lesson in ass whupping by
the Psychoes.

Waffles News

Midfielder Maban Bice, who missed last night's match due to injury, is back at
training, raising hopes that the 32 year old will be fit for the Waffles match
against the Lord of Hosts. Meanwhile, defender Massen Gurvey will be
missing at least the next two matches thanks to his red card, with Morwinna
Warne likely to take up his starting spot. And Senara Maddaford is no longer
on the market, after marrying long time fiance, Kenwyn Clyma, in a ceremony
that was held last weekend.

1 T. Trevelyan 2
20 E. Retallack 2
14 M. Menadue 1
2 G. Chegwidden 1

Matchday 3 RP Cutoff

Matchday 3 Scores have now been posted: WC xXxI Scores Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11833133&postcount=3)

THE WORLD CUP SHOW

WITH BASIL AND THEO

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Liverpool England, Basil...."

"Not a chance, Theo...."

"Not a hope"

"Not a prayer"

"We're doomed"

"Cannon fodder"

"All Hail the Basileus - 'cause those who are about to die salute him"

"But we still have to play, Theo...."

"Absolutely Basil. We may not stand much of a chance in matches like this, but it's all part of the long slow slog of the Holy Empire returning to its rightful place in the footballing firmament. We have to face the fact that we'll lose against the better teams as part of gaining experience."

"I agree, Theo.... but with the teams taking the field, we're about to find out how much we're going to get slaughtered by..."

"The Holy Empire are playing in their usual yellow with red trim, which looks to have forced the Liverpool Englanders into their change white and blue strip... and Jorge Maniaces wins the coin toss, so let's go straight to the action...."

90 minutes later

<stunned silence in the studio. Camera pans over Basil and Theo, sitting slack-jawed in amazement as roars of approval can be heard from the ground>

another 5 minutes later

<Basil and Theo still slack-jawed in amazement. Imperial team shown taking lap of honour around pitch. Liverpool England team shown slinking back into dressing room>

10 minutes later

<Basil and Theo still slack-jawed in amazement. Imperial team shown being personally congratulated by the Basileus in a rare public appearance from his Imperial Majesty>

20 minutes later

<Basil and Theo shown downing a stiff drink. Comely lasses of virtue not so true shown throwing themselves at the still-celebrating players>

25 minutes later...

"I'm slack-jawed with amazement, Basil."

"Me too, Theo."

"3-0 down inside 6 minutes after goals from Damion, Toulmin and Fair.... Against one of the best teams in the world. We were dead. Buried. Finished"

"Until, Theo, one of the most extraordinary comebacks in recent qualification history.... three goals in second half injury time... two from Stratiotico, and one from Curcuaso...."

"It didn't happen, Basil. It couldn't have happened. It can't have happened."

"It happened, Theo. Somehow, amazingly, incredibly, impossibly...."

"Are they for real, Basil? Three matches undefeated... An impossible comeback against one of the top teams in the world... Can they really qualify for the first time since World Cup 4?"

"I don't know. Ask me again after I stop pinching myself over this result"

"Hmmmmm..... pinching..... say.... I don't suppose we could distract a couple of those comely lasses..."

"No harm in trying, Theo.... No harm in trying at all.... Might do us some good after stress like that..."

Az-cz Scroll
Rejistania
Il-Lur

Gnomes pick up a point in Rejistania

Although their winning streak came to an end the Gnomes acchieved a major result by taking a point off of Rejistania in Rejistania.

The game started off at a high tempo. Both teams wanted to take control early on and both teams offenses came out flying. However the defenses, especially the goalkeepers were able to react and kept things even for a long time.

The best shots came from Syku Lyku and Pizelkaxrovsky of Az-cz, but neither team was able to find a goal and went into half at nil-nil.

The same pattern came out in the second half. Both teams were really fighting for the full three points, but neither side were actually able to latch on and power the goals home. The defenses were busy, but successful.

Eventually Az-cz decided to go to the bench to get some fresh legs out there. They took off James Levesque and Stanleyinho and brought on Bn-Dg and Bub-Rub in the 75th minute

And what beautiful substitutions they were. Almost immediately they lead to Az-cz finding the lead. Zax-Im won the ball to Bn-Dg who swung it forward to Bub-Rub who got the ball and made a bit more of a run and then fired the ball in to give Az-cz the lead.

However Rejistania proved why they are a true power. Despite giving up the lead they continued to fight and were able to come away with an equalizer, finally finding the goal in the 86th minute when Jemeru Kansu who had come on found his way through the defense and put the ball just out of reach of Gn-Lg.

Both teams continued to battle to get the three points, but neither team was able to do it.

Az-cz is still in good shape. They only have one more match in their road trip, but it is against Algal States, who sit bottom of the table having given up 10 goals without scoring any of their own. As for Rejistania they look to try to fight their way back into a qualification spot with Pablicosta coming to town.

Stats

Score Az-cz 1 Rejistania 1
Possession Az-cz 49% Rejistania 51%
Shots Az-cz 16 Rejistania 19
Corners Az-cz 2 Rejistania 3

QAZOXIAN TIMES

A surprise today in World Cup 31 action as the Black Oxen were held scoreless ina 0-0 draw with Eseck earlier today. Neither side seemed willing to press forward an attack, and both sides played back, waiting for the other to make a mistake. While usually this is a good strategy, but when both teams decide to employ it, it creates a boring match, which it was.

The good news is that Qazox still is undefeated witha 2-1-0 record, but with Quakmybush and Starblaydia winning, the Black Oxen now are in third palce, instead of tied for 1st. Up next for the Black Oxen is Quakmybush, the darling of World Cup 29. This will be the first true test for this young squad, and the match is at home, so that maybe an advantage Qazox needs to take hold of.

Jo-El: Here we are again with another excellent performance from the Pink & Green. Joining us today to talk about the exciting draw with Rejistania are coach Hawdon, captain Zax-Im, who also happened to win man of the match and the goal scorer Bub-Rub.

Hawdon: At once I'm very pleased and very disappointed with the result. I'm pleased because we took a point off of one of the true powers, but I'm disappointed because we had a good chance to take all three and let them off the hook.

Az-cz reporter 1: Unlike the first two games you didn't make any changes in strategy just personnel, why is that?

Hawdon: There wasn't any need. Our offense was creating good chances. We could have tried to shore up the defense, but I'm not going to play for a draw against a team like Rejistania. Playing for a draw is a sure way to get beat.

Az-cz reporter 2: Zax-Im, how would you describe the maturation of this team from last world cup?

Zax-Im: Well there's just a sense that we really deserve to be out on the pitch with these guys. Last time we were in awe of Bedistan, but we didn't really think we could beat them. This time we're showing we can play with anybody.

Az-cz reporter 3: Coach, how do you keep the guys up for the game against Algal States after three tough matches like what we've seen here?

Hawdon: It's not that hard really. I'm sure they'll be focused and looking to set a big win and get us some positive goal differential.

Az-cz reporter 4: Will you be making any changes to the lineup for the Algal States game?

Hawdon: No. For many reasons we're treating every match like it deserves our full attention.

Az-cz reporter 5: Bub-Rub, you were a starter last cup but didn't get any playing time till late in this game. How were you able to get in rhythm so fast?

Bub-Rub: I'm still a player on this team and still have a job to do. So when my number was called I was ready to go. It looked like some subs were going to be made so I started to warm up even before coach called me over. I'd like to be starting sure, but like Zax-Im said before, these coaches know what they're doing so I'm willing to trust them.

Frank Dee (Bazalonian reporter): How have you recovered from the 3-1 thrashing you recieved in the Bazalonian friendly?

Hawdon: By playing good football. That was a useful experience and we didn't put our heads down because of it. We're clearly getting more comfortable in a 4-5-1. Losing a friendly doesn't matter, so we're not worried about it.

Jo-El: And now we come to the voice of the fan. Today's question comes from Ra-Vi of Az-cz City. He writes "what country would you most like to face if we advanced to the world cup?"

Hawdon: For me I'd of course like to face Bazalonia. To play against my home country in a world cup would be thrilling.

Zax-Im: For me I'd have to say that I'd like to play against Ariddia. They are the original hosts, so to meet up with them in the world cup would be hugely exciting.

Bub-Rub: I'll say Milchama. I've really come to appreciate their style watching them on the kleptochase tour, so it would be fun to meet them on the football pitch.

Jo-El: Well, two of those three are off to good starts and there's still time for Milchama to recover. So maybe. Goodnight everyone.