NationStates Jolt Archive

Suspensions Ahoy... for NMS


Lexington Sports Sentinel

In the aftermath of the massive fight verses Magnus Valerius, a slew of LSC players have been handed 1 game suspensions for the New Montreal States match. Lee, Trudeau, Gillespie, Belue, Miles, Mitchell, Marinelli, and Bennett have all been suspended one game by the LSCSF. The rest of the team was put on probation by the LSCSF. Contrary to the Valerian report, Sir Mike Chaps did not receive a yellow card as he is dead, the only Wildcatd killed during the stadium bombing.

Breaking News: Vilitan Unveiled!
Jungle Cat to Appear on National Television Interview

The Vilita National is today reporting that they have secured a Television Interview with one of the members of the Vilitan National team currently competing in World Cup 30 qualifications. The Vilitan National team has been under a media blackout since a media influenced melt down saw them take a nosedive in the rankings and withdraw from the World Cup 29 qualification campaign. Recent reports have suggested that one of the current squad could be of the Oaker lineage, which first appeared in Vilita when Oaker national plyer Arthin Oaker arrived on Turoki Isle to play for Colonial Sile in the Vilitan Stellar Division. Jawz Oaker, son of Arthin and a Vilitan mother, has previously made appearances for the Vilitan national team though it is not believed he is one of the players in the current squad.

However, the news won't come swiftly for those looking to unmask the identities of their favorite Vilitan heroes. The story is supposed to aire on Vilita National programming "Sometime before the end of qualifications" which likely means that Vilita could well be eliminated from contention for a place in the World Cup Finals prior to the release of the interview.

It could, however, serve as an interest story and segway into any potential Cup of Harmony run that the Jungle Cats should attempt, if they are unable to match the goals set by the Vilitan backroom staff of winning 5 of their remaining six games, which would have to include an upset win over one of the two teams currently preceding the Jungle Cats in the Group 4 standings and standing in the way in the race to make the finals.

RP Cutoff for Matchday 10!

The scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11618455#post11618455).

Kenny Sanderson: "Where have you guys been?"

Mike Jones: "We, uh, we're at the Olympics. In Casari."

KS: "But the Olympics finished months ago. And you didn't actually do any work after the first week!"

MJ: "Well, it took too long explaining all the different sports to Filipo. By the time we'd done that, it was over."

KS: "So you're finally going to get this guide to Schiavonia done?"

MJ: "We are, yes. Although why you are here is another matter."

KS: "I told you before, work experience."

MJ: "Filipo always says that you're after our jobs."

KS: "Well he would say that, wouldn't he? Where the devil is he, anyway?"

MJ: "He's in make-up. He's the ultimate professional is our Filipo."

KS: "But we're due to start!"

MJ: "Well, I'll just have to start it on my own then."

KS: "Or you could get someone to help out..."

MJ: "So you ARE after our jobs!!!"

KS: "No, I was just saying..."

MJ: "I can handle it on my own, thank you very much."

- - - - -

"Hello, and welcome to the King Francesco Stadium in Kingsbury. I'm Mike Jones, former captain of the Schiavone National Football team, and I'm here to tell the world a few things about our country, along with my good friend Filipo Schiavone. Now, Schiavonia is a collection of forty-six islands in the region of FIFA, not too far from Rejistania. The people are known for their relaxed manner and their sometimes over-the-top niceness. Ah, Filipo, nice of you to join us!"

"Thank you, Mike. Schiavones are also sometimes noted for their lateness, although that probably comes from being so relaxed."

"And a better example of that you will not see than the one given by Filipo just then!"

"Indeed."

"Our country is very beautiful and scenic, with countryside, ports, beaches, just about everything you would expect to find on such a huge array of islands. The scenery is aided, though, by a complete lack of roads and railways. And, most surprisingly, airports!"

"We do have an airport in Kingsbury, Mike."

"We do?"

"Yes. It was part of the deal that if we held the World Cup, we had to have some way of getting people here en masse. And Elrichian Flying Bikes weren't classed as a viable solution, so a nice new airport it is."

"OK. So we're got one airport, and it is new, but it's international flights only!"

"Anyway, if you are travelling in Schiavonia, there are three main ways of getting about. First of all, there are bicycles. Hundreds of them. And they're governemnt subsidised, so anyone can just turn up and go where they want to. As long as it's on the same island."

"Secondly, there's street luge. You know the popular Winter Olympic sport known as luge, where competitors hurl themselves down an ice run facing upwards on a tray? Well, it's like that, only with wheels, and down the cycle tracks. Still, this is a minority method of travelling, as it is highly dangerous. Only those who have no fear use street luge."

"Then there is the main way of getting about, by speedboat. Without speedboats, nobody would get anywhere in Schiavonia. Indeed, very few people would be able to actually get to Schiavonia without them, as they are the main method of getting people in and out of the country. Every Schiavone island has an international speedboat port, although most voyages are for the other nations in FIFA, such as Rejistania or Dance 2 Revolution, where visitors to Schiavonia usually fly to before getting the boat in."

"Once you get to Schiavonia you will find that, technologically, we are amongst the most advanced nations in the world. Mainly because we steal most of their ideas. As a result, we have to pay huge copyright bills, thus meaning that Schiavone companies barely make a wield out of them."

"In case you didn't know, wields are our currency."

"However, while you can get the latest in the worlds of telecommunications and what have you, there are two areas in which Schiavonia isn't quite so modern. In our architecture, because the Schiavone relaxed nature means that if a building is still standing then, hey, that's fine, we'll leave it. No matter how shoddy it looks. You'll probably notice that if you come here for the World Cup Finals, as it can be seen in the stadia. Secondly, our army is somewhat lagging behind. Because Schiavones are so nice, they decided that they shouldn't bother making any technological advances in ammunitions. Therefore, if anyone ever ends up at war with Schiavonia, as unlikely as is it may be, we will have to fight them with swords, spears and shields. And communicate with mobile phones and microchips in our ears."

"Who are we going to war with?"

"We're not going to war, Filipo."

"But.. we..."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to do my bit for Schiavonia and for King Francesco!"

"But we're not at war! And we've got the Royal Family to tell them about."

"Not now, Mike! I've got a country to protect!"

*Filipo leaves the room*

"Idiot. Well, anyway, King Francesco is the current Monarch of Schiavonia. He has been King since the Schiavone year 94, which means he will have been on the throne for 26 years come the finals of World Cup 30, which will be held in the Schiavone year 120. Schiavone years date back to the founding of our nation by Francesco's ancestors. Our first monarch was King Winston, although he olny lasted six years in the job. Since then there has been King James (6-29), Queen Margaret (29-37), King Clyde (37-69) and King Fernando (69-94)."

"In line for the throne after Francesco's demise will be his son Prince Alfredo and then his grandson Prince Horatio. Although we hope that that will not happen for a long time."

"Indeed we don't... er... Kenny. What are you doing?"

"I'm just reading Filipo's lines for him now that he's gone to join the army."

"He hasn't joined the army, he's just over-reacted, that's all."

"Well, someone's got to do it."

"You're just after our jobs, Sanderson! That's what it is!"

"Nonsense, Mike. It's just that the show must go on."

"You want us out! Well, I won't let you! Not even over my dead body!"

"So why don't you get on with the show, then, Mike?"

"Because you're on it, and you're not a part of this show!"

"Ah, come on. Let's just finish this professionally. I've been Kenny Sanderson, he's been Mike Jones, and until the next part of our guide to Schiavonia, goodnight!"

(in the background as lights fade) "You'll ruin us, Sanderson! RUIN US!!!"

Eagles Loose to The Wabbit

The Virginia Nova Quest for World Cup glory took another turn for the worst as they lost to Spruitland 1-0. The Game was,like so many WCQ games have, played in tough Muddy conditions. This made foting a premium. and almost non-existant. after a scoreless half of misses A Spruit player finally did Score At 63:26 and that would be all it took for the Eagles to loose

Etoka Journal-Tribune
“Now with large print for those hung-over mornings”

Return to normalcy leads to 5-0 blanking of Czariums

THREE RIVERS – If only every game could be against Czariums. With the full roster back from suspensions, and the formation back to the regular 3-4-3, the Raptors earned their second 5-goal victory over Czariums of World Cup qualifying.

A mere seven minutes in, Ashley Campbell opened up the scoring, off a pass from Jessica Colenti at midfield. In the 21st an almost identical goal, this time Regina Dunlop scoring of a Cassandra Campbell pass, made the score 2-0. Nine minutes later, Ashley Campbell scored again, pouncing on the rebound of a Matt Sanchez shot. The score became 4-0 just before halftime, as Colenti headed in a Cassandra Campbell corner kick.

Secure with the 4-0 lead, the Raptors burned their subs, and held back on the attack. Nonetheless, a fifth goal came in the 68th minute, when a Dunlop shot off the crossbar rebounded to Denise Little. Unable to effectively penetrate the Raptors’ defense, Czariums failed to score, giving Liza Kohl her first shutout of qualifying.

Scoring:
1. A (A. Campbell 7) 7th (Assist: J. Colenti)
2. A (R. Dunlop 5) 21st (Assist: C. Campbell)
3. A (A. Campbell 8) 30th (Assist: M. Sanchez)
4. A (J. Colenti 2) 44th (Assist: C. Campbell)
5. A (D. Little 2) 68th (Assist: R. Dunlop)

[OOC disclaimers: 1) D&S have been discussing this RP via TG - she knows I mean no insult through it, but I thought I'd reiterate that for everyone else's sake. 2) While I am Orthodox, I'm no professional theologian. I've done my best here, but I apologise if I've accidentally slipped up somewhere with the theology. I had to write this in half an hour, so I can't absolutely vouch for the accuracy of all of my research]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP THEOLOGY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe, Fr. John the Golden-Throated and Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian


"Welcome to World Cup Tonight, Fr. Seraphim!"

"Thank you, Fr. Nicholas - Fr. John - nice to be here. What can I help you with?"

"It's the matter of Queen Sonya's recent reply to your recent letter trying to establish whether the Queen of the Sylvanaes Kingdom is Orthodox or heterodox..."

"Ah, I'm happy to help with that, Fr. John.... let's look at her replies one by one.... As you'll see, most of her answers aren't entirely incompatible with Orthodoxy - some of them are even encouraging. The real problem comes with her final answer.

Question #1 - Where do you stand on the double procession of the Holy Spirit? The Father is the beginning and end, but the Son is a part of His Trinity. The Holy Spirit is sent by the Father to guide those who have accepted the Son as their Savior.

There are encouraging signs in this reply. The most encouraging matter is that Her Majesty states that the Spirit proceeds from the Father, rather than the Catholic formulation of the Father and the Son. The potential problem arises in her perhaps unintentional suggestion that the Son and the Spirit are inferior to the Father, rather than of one essence and co-eternal; this may make her guilty of a modified form of Arianism, especially if she holds that the Father created the Son. But it could me that this a matter of a lack of clarity rather than active heresy.

Question #2 - How many Ecumenical Councils do you recognise? These Ecumenical Councils have not been a part of our teachings, therefore this question has no answer.

While Her Majesty's lack of knowledge of the Conciliar foundations of Orthodox theology is regrettable, this may simply be a matter of inadequate education, not active heresy - particularly given her remarkably Chalcedonian view of Christ's two natures. Note that she doesn't reject the seven Councils, merely professes a lack of knowledge of them.

Question #3 at this point. Is the Pope of Rome the Head of the Church or a heretical schismatic in league with Freemasons? I believe that the Catholic religion recognizes that the Pope is the Head of the Church. My personal opinion is that God is the Head of His Church and no man has the right to lay claim to what is expressly Divine. Any man claiming to be more than what he has been made by God is heretical. As for the whole “in league with Freemasons” issue, that is a conspiracy theory that has not yet been validated and I will not make such a claim.

Leaving aside the Freemasonry issue, the fact that Her Majesty rejects the claims of primacy of the schismatic Bishop of Rome is encouraging. As you know, in Orthodoxy, bishops are sacrementally equal, though there are differences in purely administrative rank.

Question #4 -How do you feel about monophysitism? Christ had both Divine and Human Nature. Divine nature from his being the Son of the Father. Human Nature that allowed him to serve as the sacrifice that would save us. The Divine did not absorb the Human. Each stood on its own to accomplish the gift of eternal life.

As far as I can tell, this is an essentially Orthodox Chalcedonian view of Christ's two natures, and requires little further comment on my part.

Question #5, Do you consider us to bear the guilt of Original Sin, or merely the consequence? This is yet another easily answered question for me. Original sin has removed the choice for us in whether or not we can find salvation on our own. Guilt? Consequence? They are very nearly one and the same. As the opportunity to achieve Godliness has been removed, we do bear the consequences. To bear the consequences one must also bear the guilt or the consequences would be unjustifiable.

Alas, this final answer is fully heretical. There is a world of difference between guilt, as espoused by St. Augustine, and consequence, as understood by Orthodox theologians. Even more problematically, when she writes the opportunity to achieve Godliness has been removed she seems to deny the possibility of Theosis - deification or divinization - the process of man becoming holy and being united with God, beginning in this life and later consummated in the resurrection. This is particularly regrettable given the central importance of Theosis to the Orthodox monastic life. Can you imagine my name saint St. Seraphim of Sarov without it? No. I thought not.

On the basis of this last answer, I must regrettably pronounce Queen Sonya a heretic. <sigh>"

"Oh, what a shame. She seemed like such a nice person...."

"I know, Fr. Nicholas, I know."

"And does this heresy have a name, Fr. Seraphim?"

"Well, that's the really exciting bit, Fr. John! It seems that this is an entirely new heresy without historical roots in the early development of the Church! I call it 'Sonyanism'."

"An entirely new heresy.... that is exciting, Fr. Seraphim!"

"Thanks, dear brothers. Incidentally, I thought this was a football show?"

"It is, Fr. Seraphim, it is...."

"Then why, Fr. Nicholas, are we discussing the nature of Queen Sonya's heresy instead of last night's result?"

"Because, Fr. Seraphim, you don't want to know last night's result. But for the benefit of those who would place more wordly matters above discussions of heresy, the final result was.....
<cough>Bostopia 3 - Archregimancy 0<cough>

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Its all over but the shouting and the finger-pointing. Qazox now sits in 6th place in Group 7, 9 points behind Tadjikistan, with only 4 matches left. Today's match against the Capitalizt SLANI part of Commerce Heights ended effectively after the 10th minute as Alejandro Bolúfero scored his 3rd goal of the match then. His 1st two goals came 35 seconds after kickoff, the fastest goal ever allowed by Qazox, and in the 4th minute off a midfield turnover. 10 minutes in and alreay down 3-nil, the Black Oxen seemed resigned to the loss as played the worst football this reporter has ever seen the rest of the match, earning 5 yellow cards, 2 reds and allowing 2 penalty kick goals (the 1st being Alejandro Bolúfero's 4th goal of the match in the 33rd minute and the latter in the 70th minute to Panagiṓtēs Papakharalampous). Qazox did score a late meaningless goal in the 78th minute as Rene LaTreque scored to deny the Capitalizt SLANI the shut-out.

This has been by far the worst qualifing run for the Black Oxen and there are rumors that Juanita Graziani may be relieved of her coaching duties before the end of qualifing. The leading canidates to take over the Black Oxen are: Former Head Coah Jason Bourne, a longshot at best; The Head coach of the Women's squad, Kylie Rena, who may not be able to coach due the the start of Women's World Cup 4 in Rorysville/Marceau State and Head Coach of Qazox City, Craig Grove.

Goals: Capitalizt SLANI: Bolúfero(4): 1', 4', 10', 33' (pk); Papakharalampous 70' (pk).
Qazox: LaTreque: 78'

OOC - Let me riterate what Arch just said. This RP is IC and has been discussed by us through TG. It is meant simply as "fun" RP between the two nations and we do not wish to cause any distress over the nature of the RP. More on the RP shortly :D

IC -
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSFemalesMedia.jpg

Unicorns Fall In Racehorse Match With Fmjphoenix 3-4

Queen Sonya Sabre was delighted. Today’s match against the Vikings of Fmjphoenix would be a tough test for the Mystical Unicorns - but a good result in this one would catapult the image of the Unicorns seriously upward as well as keep the D&S squad in control of the 3rd spot for Group 11.

The match started fast and furious as both sides were determined to take the advantage. And the scores definitely showed that as each squad put up 2 goals in the first half. Maurita Deni was involved in the action of both goals as she first set up Zana Jablon in the 19th minute and then Avril Auserwald in the 33rd. Viking players were left shaking their heads at the fact that the Unicorns were giving them all they could handle.

The second half started a bit slower, a good thing for the Queen’s blood pressure, with defense pushing itself to the limit and both keepers making unbelievable saves. Ok. So maybe it wasn’t quite so good for the Queen’s blood pressure as we had made it seem. But the defensive efforts would amount to little in the end as the Vikings reclaimed the lead in the 70th minute. But as always the Unicorn attack was ready and as the Vikings relaxed a bit too much, Altáriël Telperiën made them pay with the fancy footwork and marvelous shot she was known for all over the world. And it looked as if D&S would pull a miracle draw against the Vikings.

But Fmjphoenix still holds to the idea that they can overtake unbeaten TnUI for the group title, and they played like their lives depended on that fact as time began to slip away. The Unicorn defense rose to the challenge, thwarting all attempts. The Queen had even given up the idea of sitting at all - or keeping her blood pressure leveled off. But things just were not meant to be for the Unicorns. Nessa Elendil was beaten cleanly and instead of giving up the easy shot, grabbed a handful of jersey to slow the Viking attacker. The resulting penalty shot in the 88th minute would allow the Vikings to escape the Sylvanaes Kingdom with a very tough 4-3 victory over the Unicorns. I guess taking the number 11 side in the world to a 3-4 score wasn’t too bad.

The next match is against One Red Dot - damn we have seen these guys a lot lately - and is a very important match for D&S. A win solidifies our hold on the third spot. A loss gives it to the Dottians, and a draw could allow Delaware to sneak back into the picture. We need this win.

Archregimancy Watch:

On the previous match day, the Monks of the Archregimancy were recorded talking of their great play and actually having a match to lose and stay in the qualifying spots. Well they should have exerted more humility on the matter because today they were humiliated by Bostopia to the tune of an 0-3 scoreline. The loss drops the Monks to second in the group behind the ever-mouthy Quakmybush squad and just ahead of Hockey Canada. I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of better spots to be in right now. We do hope the Monks regain their form and finish this thing strong for a qualification spot. With religious debate raging back and forth between the Archregimancy and the Sylvanaes Kingdom, they have become a favorite of football fans here - right behind the Unicorns that is.

Sel Appa Slammed 3-1 by Haraki

Sel Appa was smashed of their strong hopes of victory by Haraki at home. The amtch started off with a strong Sel Appa drawing the first blood in the 18th minute with a goal by ESTEVEZ. This lasted the whole first half and Sel Appa appeared headed for a victory.

Not five minutes after the whistle blew for second half, Haraki brought an equalizer. They continued and sent their juggernaut forward and slammed another two goals in at the 55th and 88th minutes respectively. The Turtles went home dismayed. It seemed that their hopes of qualifying might be gone.

Sel Appa is now in sixth place after a loss to Haraki and a staggering -2 loss indeed. The Turtles face Iansisle at home again and hope to make another victory.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons Keep On Cruising - 3-0 Today

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea where today the Sea Dragons steamrolled Carvalo 3-0.

The Sea Dragons are cruising thus far with the only hang-ups being the opening day draw with Horgate (A problem solved by bringing new players in for practice and energizing the squad) and the MD 7 loss to NMS ( the one we knew was coming)

The veterans were in top form again and the newer players stepped up nicely again as ASMV looked the part of the 22nd ranked side in the world. Evan Evans in the midfield and Micah Swift on defense led the squad to the easy victory. But it was the reserve attackers that made the difference. Ali Devincenti scored twice (30’, 75’) and Leena Draghi once (59’). But that has been the case on numerous occasions over the last two cups and did not surprise anyone here.

The win gives ASMV 25 points with 4 matches to go. This could mean a new points record for qualification. In fact one more point will give us just that. NMS has crawled back into contention and second in the group with 21 points and it should be quite a race for the group title. Magnus Velarius, Harlesburg, and Green Wombat are all still in contention and could still prove to be a problem before this thing is over.

Friends Watch:
Cuation beat Toopoxia 2-0 despite the fact that they are now officially eliminated from qualifying.
Milcham beat Lisburn Mateys 2-0 and have qualified for the WC proper
Tadjikistan looked shaky in a 1-0 win over Toronat
Ariddia was dominant yet again as they crushed Nouvelle Angleterre 5-0
D&S came up just short in a 3-4 match with Fmjphoenix.

GREEN WOMBAT GLOBE TIMES DISPATCH
Vote for our new name!!! Ballot on Page 5.

REVENGE IS SWEET

Truly revenge is sweet, but not when it happens to us. NMS, shocking 1-0 losers at Our stadium, proved why they are amongst the best in the world by walking all over the Zombie Womabts, 4-0. The match could have had a worse differential in scoring, but was called with 15 minute left due to an incoming electrical storm.

The goals were scored by: Gilles Villeneuve, all four of them in the 12th, 24th, 35th and 49th minutes of the match as the walking dead seemed that way.

With their 3rd straight loss, Green Wombat fell into 5th place overall in the group, now 5 points from qualifing. It seems the dream will wait until the next Cup, but the team has performed above expectations.

Originally Posted by Seraphim
Dear Brother in Christ Tari Carnesir,

Here in the Archregimancy we rejoice that you have discovered the Christian allegory titled Ainulindalë and the other works contained in the compilation The Silmarillion. While it is somewhat unfortunate that the man you refer to as the 'prophet' Tolkein was a heretical schismatic Catholic, better that find the path to the One True Church via Catholics than fundamentalist Protestants, what with their insistence on a literal interpretation of every word in the Bible. And disapproval of alcohol. Not a fun bunch, let me tell you. Anyway, assuming you Elves appreciate beauty in all things, may I recommend that you investigate Orthodoxy forthwith as if there's one thing we appreciate more than those schismatics - even the Catholic ones - it's putting on a show. A tasteful one, I might add. We would be happy to assist you further on your now-inevitable journey to Orthodoxy, and please feel free to contact us accordingly.

Thank you,

Fr. Seraphim


Fr. Seraphim I have no choice but to decline your offer to investigate Orthodoxy. I have a couple of reasons for this declination. 1 - your own monks have just restored to us our lost histories and faith. And now you choose to denounce the Prophet Tolkein as a heretical Catholic who “created” these works. We find these statements to be the heretical ones. 2 - Your Orthodox religion has not even reached a decision on whether we, as Elves, even have souls - a fact that we know to be true. How are we supposed to believe in a religion that does not acknowledge that simple fact? And what good would it actually do us if, in fact, you decided that we did not have souls? Answer that one with your neat little answers. And this does not even begin to cover the fact that you addressed me as “Brother in Christ” when in fact I am a female discovering the religion you have restored to the Elven people.

Tarí Carnesîr, Lossëhelin of the Sylvanaes Church of Elven Truth

PS. Sonyanism. Good one. The Queen will have a field day with that one. Hehe. Or a heart attack.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
Alas poor Yorrick, I think you ate my Doritos

By Monty Python

Upset!!! Sativaville was upset earlier today by the weegies or Wheaties or some weird country. the Stoners held a 1-0 lead at the 56th minute on a goal by Timmerman in the 23rd, but somehow that lead ended up a 2-1 loss, dropping the Stoners 7 points out of a qualification spot. The next match vs. Uncle pete will basically determine if the stoners have any shot to qualify.

Friends Watch:
Cuation beat Toopoxia 2-0 despite the fact that they are now officially eliminated from qualifying.


To: The Sea Dragons

There are four games left and Cuation can still finish with twenty nine points if we win all our games, two points above the current top two so we still officially can qualify. Will we qualify? No but we had pretty much gone out by the half way stage but we are still, officially in the race.

Igor
Director of Football

Anderton Double Makes 5 Games Unbeaten

Fives games, four of them serious games, without defeat is a decent run but it will not be enough to drag Cuation into qualification. Lu Fei was given a rest to give Anderton a game and the second string target man performed well, grabbing two goals and linking up play pretty well.

The home side showed no adventure as they sat back, content to try and suffocate the game. In some ways it worked, Rual Mendiz still looked shaky from his recent illness, the midfielders could not find room and there is only so many times you can hit it long.

The first half was a scrappy affair that bored the punters, only Rio Samba's stray back pass providing any sort of excitement as Jude franticly slid in and cleared it off his line just before all of it could slip into the net. The bawling the holding player got from Jude was not for children's ears.

At the sixty minute mark, Pual Keane came on for Rual, the Neville brothers swapped places and Hargreves replaced the tired Samba. The fresh legs turned the game, Neville and Butcher bombing down the flanks and Keane's energy stretched the defence. Hargreves flitted between a third centre back and a holding role.

Butcher's overlap forced a corner, his attempted cross deflected behind by the home right back. Giovanni ran over to take it, delivering it to the centre where Anderton met the ball with his head, the power taking it above the defender on the line and in off the angle of the wood work. 1-0 up with twenty minutes left, the away fans where clearly relived.

Toopoxia did have one counter attack, a daring raid down the left resulting in a good crossing opportunity. It wasn't a bad ball but Yan was well positioned, his thumping header clear falling to Giovanni. The playmaker played it inside to Fallen, who looked up and chipped the ball into the box for Anderton to flick on.

The tall striker had other idea's, taking in on his chest and volleying it between the keeper and his near post. It was a clever thing to do, the defenders had all pulled away to cover Keane's run and the keeper seemed surprised at the shot.

2-0, job done but with goal difference so vital, it would be nice to inflict a heavier defeat on sides like this.


Shot of the Match

Anderton did well to control the ball on his chest and his volley was a surprise, powerful and accurate. Had the keeper been more alert, it would probably have been turned aside but instead, Anderton caught him out.

Save of the Match

Samba's back pass had too much power and too little thought behind it but Jude did well to recover and get the ball away with his leg. Against a better team, such a mistake by Samba could have proved costly but credit to Jude for his quick reactions.

Moan of the Match

Only two goals despite dominating against such a poor team, we need to get more heavy victories to gather momentum rather then the lingering feeling of not having that cutting edge.

Man of the Match

Anderton made the difference, as good as anyone for most of the match, working hard, winning balls in the air and linking up the play, in the last twenty minutes he turned the game around with two fine goals.

Next Game: Oliverry

The group leaders against a struggling third place team, it looks a forgone conclusion but we did beat the worlds best at home and lead Oliverry 2-0 at their place. With home advantage, we may just be able to sneak the win, Samba will need to concentrate as part of the back line and everybody to raise their game but it could be a win.

((TYnelia RP))

“Hello soccer fans. Welcome to the Tynelia Soccer Weekly post game show. In what may prove to be a fatal blow for Tynelia’s qualification chances, the team could only manage a 1-1 draw against the aptly named Wrecker squad. The only good news is that Starblaydia defeated Bettia 3-1 so Tynelia remains only two points out of second but with a much tougher path to the finish than Bettia starting with a match against…Bettia. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee. This is a major blow to the team’s chances now Dana. It seems next to impossible looking at the schedule for Tynelia to make up enough ground now.”

“Well let me say right off that its extremely difficult for a squad ranked where Tynelia is to completely run the table against teams ranked below them. Granted I would have expected the stumble to come against Nikea or Awal KB instead of Wrecker but I suppose this follows one Tynelian tradition at least. Scoring only two goals against a team ranked in the 200s for a 1-1-0 record is something we’re used to seeing from past teams. Actually usually Tynelia will go 0-1-1 so this is actually an improvement. Regardless the fact that the team is now 7-1-0 against the teams ranked below it is still a tremendous effort for Tynelia. If the team was in almost any other group they would be considered a major threat to move on but the draw wasn;t very kind to the team here.”

“Actually Dana, the team was also lucky as the one goal Tynelia scored was the result of an ‘own goal’ by Wrecker on a corner kick where one Wrecker defendered headed the ball in an attempt to clear only to have it bounce off his teammate’s back and shoot past the surprised keeper or this would have been a loss which would have certainly ruined the team’s chances.”

“It’s not quite a total loss though. Of course everything will be determined in this next match or most certainly after the Starblaydia one. If Tynelia can beat Bettia that puts the team ahead by one point with three matches yet to play. So all the team would have to do at that point is match Bettia the rest of the way and they’d be in. However Bettia plays no team higher than 5th seeded Nikea after our match while we face both Starblaydia and 4th seed Awal KB so clearly we have the tougher run. I would say the best to realisticly expect is to go 2-1-0 and pick up seven points but that still means someone would have to hold Bettia to a draw in order for us to move on. On the other hand a win by Bettia with Starblaydia next for us and barring a Qazox-like collapse in the last three matches Bettia will be in. Starblaydia is clearly not even worth considering as far as trying to catch up to.”

“That’s true Dana, but we’ve said all along that catching Bettia is Tynelia’s only realistic chance at moving on here which means this match coming up is basically a head to head elimination match for us. Bettia can survive a loss and still come back though while we can’t. We were going to talk to Coach Billington noiw but I’ve just received word that he’s busy yelling at the team for letting this one get away and making their road that much tougher.”

“He does have a bit of a point Mike, while the reserves on defense had trouble finding a rhythm early leading to the Wrecker goal they settled down by the halfway point of the first half and shut down the Wrecker offense. However, not scoring a single goal on their own with the starting offense has to upset Coach Billington not to mention how the offense will need to step up these next two matches if they plan to move on from here. This is not the offensive showing Billington wanted to bring home to face Bettia.But still it’s the only blemish so far and past Tynelia teams would die for a record like this against lower ranked teams.”

“That’s true, the team is just cursed with its group draw this time around. In fact I’ll even go out on a limb and say that the team will finish up with the highest point total of any team that fails to qualify this time. But now since we have some time, considering the huge match up ahead TSW has contacted Melodi Harris to explain the lastest computer simulations. Welcome back Melodi.”

< Melodi appears on a split screen>

“Thanks Mike. Now with everyone wondering about the ramifications of Tynelia’s huge match with Bettia computer, experts from around the country came together to design a simulation to run test matches for the Tynelia- Bettia match. After weeks of work the simulation was finally completed though the programmers had hoped to have it ready for the start of the tournament. However a test run showing Montegrande defeating Starblaydia 14- (-1) proved there were a few bugs yet to be fixed.

“But the program is ready and here are the results. In an intensive 20 match test sample the results gave Tynelia 6-5-9 won-draw-loss record against Bettia. In fact Tynelia even won three of the first four simulations. Tynelia’s biggest win was 3-1 while Bettia’s was 6-0. Tynelia was shutout eight times and Bettia shutout three. So based on the latest scores Tynelia has about a 30% chance of getting the win they need in their next match. If needed we will also run simulations for the Starblaydia match. Back to you Mike and Dana.”

<Melodi’s image is removed from the screen>

“OK Dana, does that sound right to you? Six wins in twenty tries?”

“That actually does sound about right Mike. Homefield would tilt the balance towards Tynelia slightly which probably explains why the team had more wins than draws. Still the team has over a 50% chance to get some points out of this. However it’s the win that they really need.”

“Well do you agree with the simulation then? Tynelia will not get the win they need here?”

“I’m going to go out on a limb here Mike and say no, Tynelia will pull off the upset. After the poor outing against Wrecker I can’t see Coach Billington not have the team extra fired up for this one. This is their WC right here for all intents and purposes. If Tynelia doesn’t show anything here its over and Billington will be quick to point out that this is exactly what all the experts said from day one about this group. Tynelia must win this match if they are to get any respect from the international press. Eeven if they fall short in the end, the fact that they could conceivably push Bettia to the final match before losing out will be a major statement and possibly have them among the favorites for the Cup of Harmony. But its not over yet and I think Tynelia will survive with a hard fought draining 2-1 win to at least for the moment move into second. A spot most experts no doubt feel Tynelia has no business even lurking around at this point of group play.”

“That’s a bold call Dana. I hope you’re right about this one. I should say that at least according to the latest press clippings Bettia is indeed aware that they can’t just mail in their WC invitations just yet. So at least they know they still have a bit of a fight ahead of them. That could all change after this next match but for the moment they are feeling some pressure. That might even help Tynelia in the match too. If Bettia is feeling pressure for not putting Tynelia away yet they may come out a bit tight and some aggressive play could net Tynelia an early goal or two. But we’ll find out soon enough when TSW covers in its entirety the Tynelia match at home vs. Bettia where Tynelian Towel waving fans will try to cheer the team into keeping their unlikely qualifying hopes alive with a critical win. Dana and I will both be here afterwards for the recap. Until then this is Mike McPhee for Dana Lee and Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good noght everyone.”

News item from the Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break) International Herald Tribune

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/InternationalHeraldTribuneMasthead.jpg
Your local newspaper with an expansive view.

Disaster at Frosty Hollow
Nation grieves for ubhashinim and sundry football spectators

Rooty Break. The long anticipated World Cup xXx qualifying match between Errinundera and Spaamanian Plijous ended in disaster and tragedy today. The confirmed death toll from the storm that struck Frosty Hollow is 26 including qualifying star and vice-captain, ubhashinim. Captain of the team, keok, is fighting for her life in hospital. Latest unconfirmed reports indicate that all Spaamanian players have escaped injury.

Officials have been roundly criticised for ignoring meteorological advice. Head of the weather bureau, haelstrom, says that warnings had been issued 48 hours in advance. “The organisers of the match should have called it off. They knew the storm was coming. And it’s not as if Frosty Hollow is in a protected spot. After Mount Ellery, it has the most evil reputation in the country for wintry weather. At least at Mount Ellery everybody lives and plays football underground. If anywhere was going to cop the brunt of this cold front, it was Frosty Hollow.”

The beleaguered head of the Errinundera Football Association has pleaded for understanding. “Do you know how much this contest meant to the average Errinundrian football fan?” he asked after the match. “Back in the classical era, Errinundera and Spaam staged some of the most epic and legendary games in the annals of the World Cup. Almost 92 years have passed since a potoroos team fought a Spaamian team – and that was the final of World Cup 7. For sure we are but a shadow of that team and, it could be argued, Plijous is only a shadow of Spaam, but this game had a special resonance for us all.”

With the score at 2-all at the half-time break no-one imagined the devastation that was about to be unleashed. “We had played well for the entire first half,” explains deputy vice-captain and goal-keeper, lúthien, who was standing out to give rising star, lotorous, an opportunity. “Local Rooty Break player, soflaw, had run up from the back line to score and ubhashinim, playing superbly, had also scored. On the resumption after the break Spaamanian Plijous scored 4 goals in the first 9 minutes. Suddenly the score was 2-6 and we had been blown away. It was if a blizzard had struck.”

That was only the start of the disaster. As the potoroos were about to kick off after that fourth goal of the half, the real blizzard struck even more suddenly. The force of the wind uprooted one of the many giant trees that surround the ground causing it to fall across the stadium. It snapped in two and the broken ends fell onto the pitch, killing ubhashinim instantly and injuring keok. The temperature plunged to –15º in under 5 minutes.

Rooty Break fan, hardyfo, explained how the tree managed to fall on the pitch. “Frosty Hollow is surrounded by some of the largest and tallest trees on the plateau. To show this to best advantage the stadium was dug into the ground rather than built above it. The roof is only a metre or so above ground. It’s about 70 metres down to the playing surface but the trees must be almost twice that height. When you’re inside the stadium, the forest towers all around. Watching that tree fall was the most amazing experience of my life.”

hardyfo is adamant that the tree did not injure anyone in the stands. “The ends are still leaning against the top of the stadium on either side. It broke clean in the middle. What got the fans were the blizzard and the sudden drop in the temperature. You will find that most of the deaths were from exposure. I hear lotorous got frostbite - not good for a goalkeeper!”

A check of historical records reveals that the major reason that the EFA stripped the ground of its status as national stadium 88 years ago was precisely because of the dreadful weather experienced there. “There are accounts of players being struck by lightning and others by hailstones the size of golf balls,” says local historian, jonahwha. “In one famous world cup qualifying match back then, the ground was so fogbound that not even the goalies knew how many goals were scored. Players suffering from frostbite are not uncommon. I mean, it is called Frosty Hollow, after all. This is why the National Downfall Stadium was built in the first place.”

We asked renowned social anthropologist, leakeyblad, what it said about the national character. “Errinundrians seem to have a blasé attitude toward death and suffering. Actually, it’s more than that. We have a sort of wry amusement about it. Just consider what your ealier interviewee, hardyfo, said. She noted that people had died of exposure but what was really notable to her was how awesome the falling tree was. Would you expect anything different from a nation that sanctified trees?”

The game was eventually restarted but snow drifts blocked any chance of scoring thereafter. We give the last word to the team bootstudder, eezthepresh. “The team is devastated. We have lost our ‘goddess’. Life is a curse.”

* Funky theme music *

Dazza: This is Dazza Dallas
Keanu: And I'm Reanu Reeves, not Rachel Kool.
Dazza: Rachel's in hospital due to some idiot throwing a bottle which hit her while she was doing some interviews. The idiot is in hospital because Jeruselem fans beat the crap out of him, in life support.
Keanu: And this is the FOOTBALL LIFE minus one blonde

Dazza: BIG GAMES in Group 8 today. The top 4 played each other and the bottom 4 did as well.
Keanu: These are the important ones as they will decide who the top 2 are in the end.

Dazza: Firstly, 1st vs 2nd. Cataduanes vs Jeruselem. This was the game to watch, with Jeruselem needing the win be more secure while the Cataduanes could extend their lead if they won.
Keanu: Well, none of that happened. Jeruselem's 2nd draw as both teams were unable break a stale-mate. Neither team could break each other down properly and we know. Me and Dazza were on field this game.
Dazza: One hard game with neither team having any real advantage in the end. They played a lot better than the last time we met when we beat them 4-1.
Keanu: 2 ALL and Cataduanes stay top while Jeruselem fall back to 3rd, one point behind Wentland.

Dazza: Wentland took on the Islanders and won. A really hard ONE NIL win which pushed Wentland into 2nd.
Keanu: That was one battle between two evenly matched teams and for us, it did help as the Islanders are now one win away.
Dazza: Not classic Wentland, but the gritty determined game from the folks who follow us around.
Keanu: Which also means, we can't afford to lose them again either.

Dazza: Delesa scored their 3rd win, which has long been overdue over the Oakies.
Keanu: Oakies chopped down 2-1 but the Delesans but they are gone now. Far too late for redemption
Dazza: If they win all their remaining games, they'd get 22 points. They are goners.
Keanu: The Oakies were gone a long time ago, like half-way

Dazza: The crap team are still crap. The Frenchies beat them TWO ONE, but the crap team did score a goal - their 3rd.
Keanu: Not much more we can say really
Dazza: OK, if Marceau State win all their remaining games - 24 points - same as Jeruselem. No chance.
Keanu: So, the top 4 are decided now - what order?

Dazza: As it stands, Cataduanes hang on top spot with Wentland and Jeruselem less a win away. The Islanders are 4 points away so it so tight, it's scary.
Keanu: That Delesa draw is hurting now, 2 less points and the Wentland loss was the one which did hurt badly.
Dazza: Meaning, losing to Wentland and the Islanders is not an option

Keanu: Speaking of bimbos
Dazza: Me?
Keanu: No no, not you. That team Alasdair I Frosticus
Dazza: Oh yes, they played our Nedalian lions and well, almost won
Keanu: Lions vs pornos - a draw. 3 ALL

Dazza: Interesting result indeed but the Lions aren't in much danger really,
Keanu: Actually, it was good game.
Dazza: Oi, you were looking at the girls!
Keanu: I don't need to, you're here

Dazza: (winks at Keanu) Hockey Canada took on 2nd placed Quak My Bush. Huge game was the Canucks were 3rd and needed the win to keep up the bushies
Keanu: Not bushies like this girl, but the bushies won ONE NIL to keep the Canucks 3rd. A huge blow to the Canucks
Dazza: Yes, looking shaky over there in the Canucks area but they have recovered before

Keanu: That Lisa is doing wonders for Yafor 2.
Dazza: She's a champ indeed. Yafor 2 won again against Los Mexico. We beat their womens' team 6 NIL last Women's World Cup
Keanu: Yafor 2 is 2nd and looking good to me
Dazza: But I look better, hehe.

Dazza: It's rant time. Where me and Rachel, err, Keanu, answer viewer questions
Keanu: Someone has asked if we do any speed training of any kind. Well, not training as such - more like tests for who is fastest in the team for the coach to work out who to put where. Anna Goldstein and Dazza Dallas are fastest in the team at the moment. Actually, the girls are faster overall but the men are have more endurance.
Dazza: You like fast women eh?
Keanu: And no one catches up to Dazza in the media stakes except Rachel as you can see.

Dazza: Well, a viewer asks what's this fad with female captains. It's so simple - we have won two women's world cups with female captains - nothing wrong with seeing if it will work in the World Cup. Heck, we haven't a World cup yet so males and females at ZERO percent to far.
Keanu: And women can shout louder than a man when required.

Dazza: That's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE
Keanu: 4 games left and it's still pretty undecided who will progress from Group 8
Dazza: Rachel will back from hospital
Keanu: A lesson to idiots, don't hurt Jeruselem celebs. Some idiot found out what happens today.

Dazza: And you just made the Jeruselem coach unhappy, which means he's grumpier in training so we'll beat the crap out of you if the fans don't
Keanu: See you all later
Dazza: And sweet dreams

Group 8
Wentland 1 - 0 United Island Empires
Jeruselem 2 - 2 Cataduanes
Marion Oaks 2 1 - 2 Delesa
Marceau State 2 - 1 The Greatest Crap



Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Cataduanes 10 8 1 1 25 12 13 25
Wentland 10 8 0 2 21 10 11 24
Jeruselem 10 7 2 1 23 7 16 23
United Island Empires 10 7 0 3 16 6 10 21
Marceau State 10 4 0 6 12 19 -7 12
Delesa 10 3 1 6 11 11 0 10
Marion Oaks 2 10 1 0 9 9 28 -19 3
The Greatest Crap 10 0 0 10 3 27 -24 0


Group 9
Yafor 2 2 - 0 Los Mexico

Group 10
Quakmybush 1 - 0 Hockey Canada

Group 13
Alasdair I Frosticus 3 - 3 Nedalia

Elven Times
Hold Your Breath

And keep holding it people. There are four games left and looky here, the Marauders still are in a spot to qualify. You never would of thought they would be the way the tournament started out for the squad, but the team has found their resolve and has started to pull off victories, one by one. In fact this is the teams' fourth win in a row, with the streak of luck the only thing that saved them from elimination before this last few matchdays. Indeed it will be a difficult road if we are to qualify, being six points out of second, and only four games left to go. However the team does have a chance to prove how much luck they do have going for them as they travel to Northern Caesarea who are third in the group with twenty points. The last time the teams played, it was a blown officiating call that lead to the Northerners converting a penalty that would allow them the victory. Now the team has a chance to break the heart of the Caesareans fans in their own stadium, much as they did to us.

Going back to todays result however, the team dominated for the majority of the game. Night recieved a searching ball from Tatum, and tucked it away nicely in the right corner for a one nil lead in the 18th minute. However things looked bad in the 32nd minute when Tatum went down after a hard sliding challenge, and appeared to have injured his hamstring. To the relief of many, he was able to get up and make it to the sidelines under his own power, while Nikali Rikard took his spot on the pitch. The sub had a dramatic effect on the game. The youngster was clearly the fastest man on the pitch, and this allowed him to sneak by the Allocer defence many times on route to some good scoring oppurtunites, in which he finished one in the 56th minute to give the team a controlling two nothing lead. The team only did manage to give up a goal in the 90th minute when St. Louis had cleared a ball and was walking back to his line. But an Allocer forward had taken down the clearing and fired a long range effort that St. Louis wouldn't of been able to do anything with even if he had seen the shot coming.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 6
Rick Cuellar - 5
Zacharius - 3
Nikali Rikard - 1
Samuel Tatum - 1
Liliam Kries - 1

Friend Watch
Cuation avoided elimination with a 2-0 victory over Toopoxia
Haraki dipsie doodled their way past Sel Appa on route to a 3-1 win
Becquerelia somehow only got a draw with the new comers of Uncle Pete 0-0

Article by Ron Santapa

Az-cz Scroll
August 31, 2006
Az-cz City
Il-Lur

Another poor performance eliminates Az-cz

Az-cz has now been oficially eliminated from world cup qualifying
following another disappointing loss, this one 3-1 to Nebuleux. Despite the
fact that the Az-cz players clearly put more effort in and in fact played
better, it seems as if some unseen force keeps the Gnomes from winning. One
theory is that it's a reincarnation of Sheltem out for revenge. Regardless
Az-cz has lost again.
The game started fairly slowly as Az-cz missed a number of good
chances and Nebuleux just didn't seem to care. Neither team bothered the
opposing keeper that much until the 33rd minute.
That's when the first Nebuleux goal came. You couldn't have asked for
worst luck. The ball was deflected by Gn-Lg onto the crossbar but somehow
instead of going over it bounced into play and came off of Ns-Ta's posterior
to bounce into the goal.
Az-cz recovered quickly with Pizelkaxrovsky setting up Uz-Gz
beautifully in the 44th minute to send the Gnomes into the half tied.
Az-cz was clearly the better team in the second half. They put 5
shots off the post and earned four corners, but just couldn't find the lead.
Then in the 89th minute disaster struck. A handball was called in the
box, which wasn't the problem. The problem was that the replay clearly showed that it was a Nebuleux player who used his hand, but they were awarded a penalty.
After that the Az-cz players lost their nerve and allowed Nebuleux to
score another goal, although even that goal was disputable as the striker
looked to be offsides.
So there you have it. 1 fluke own goal, 1 horrible PK,and 1 goal
scored from an offside position. That kills both the Az-cz dream of
qualifying. And most likely their dreams of a top four finish, improving
their KpB rank or beating any team ranked ahead of them. It really is
inexplicable.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 1 Nebuleux 3
Az-cz scorers 44 Uz-Gz
Possession Az-cz 61% Nebuleux 39%
Shots Az-cz 19 Nebuleux 5
Corners Az-cz 6 Nebuleux 0

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 0_________0 - Uncle Pete http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/unclepete.gif


WAINWRIGHT BLASTS COACHING
Says Ties Are A Sign Of "Major Problems"


ROENTGEN, BECQUERELIA (JNS) - After Becquerelia's second straight tie to a low-regarded footballing nation, Ambrose Wainwright decided he couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"I'd go to Coach Crescentini, but I don't think he cares enough to listen," he said.

In a very frank discussion with several reporters from Becquerelian news outlets, the 39-year-old Defender spoke of what he called "a possible disaster brewing in this team."

"How could we tie Sashonska? How could we tie, and not score against Uncle Pete? I'll tell you why, Coach Crescentini is afraid of losing so much he doesn't want to win. And that is a major problem."

"You get the feeling that the lesson he picked up from our first five wins was that if you do just enough to not lose, you'll win. He got help from Zikan, who actually gives us a scoring threat we lack, but apart from that we're the same team from last World Cup that had trouble scoring. If Zikan has a bad day, or the defense doesn't do well, we're in trouble, and Coach Crescentini doesn't seem to know how to adjust."

When contacted by reporters, the BNFF had no comment. However, one source close to the National Team said that the team would almost certainly suspend, or at the very least sit down Ambrose for the next game against The Weegies.

"The coaches are going to sit him down and read him the riot act. There will be no brooking of desent around here, and the Coach and the Federation has made that clear already."

Wainwright knew his remarks would be controversial, but chose to issue them anyway.

"The most important thing is winning. I want the team to go to the World Cup, and if it takes this to make the change to get us there, that's fine by me. I'll take my lumps."



Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia - 2 Sativaville - 1
MD06: Squornshelous - 3 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Vilita - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 2 Kericia - 0
MD09: Sashonska - 2 Becquerelia - 2
MD10: Becquerelia - 0 Uncle Pete - 0
MD11: The Weegies (3-1-6) at Becquerelia (7-2-1)
MD12: Sativaville (5-1-4) at Becquerelia (7-2-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (7-2-1) at Squornshelous (9-1-0)
MD14: Vilita (6-0-4) at Becquerelia (7-2-1)

Goal Scorers
Zikan - 6
Niceaus Annunziata - 3
Gregory Conveniencia - 3
Razak Khalef - 2
Paul Annunziata - 1
Leo De Grenier - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1
Thomas Strazzabosco - 1

Ariddians in best form ever

The Rouge-et-Noirs continued to play at the very best of their form, as the Anglo-French (and Wymgani) Ariddians welcomed the Anglo-French players of Nouvelle Angleterre to Stade National Rêvane Sud.

Awad al Maharmeh, the team’s main goalkeeper since Leduc’s resignation, was superb, blocking and controlling every Néo-Anglais shot which made it through the Rouge-et-Noirs’ defence. With a solid defence behind them, the team’s midfielders and attackers moved forward in repeated assaults upon the Néo-Anglais goal cage, and found the net five times. Nam, Dru and Simon scored once each, while Kyaw, true to her reputation as the team’s top goal scorer, put two into the net. The team was functioning better than ever as a group, and all in all it was a day for rejoicing.


Ariddia “grieves with Errinundera”

The Ariddian authorities and football association, and indeed the team itself through its spokeswoman and captain Hanifah Kyaw, expressed their deepest condoleances as soon as word reached them of the disaster in Errinundera.

“We understand that twenty-six people died in the storm,” Kyaw said. “This is a tragic event, and it seems so unfair that Errinunderans, who live in such sympathy with nature, should be the victims of an awful natural disaster. We all grieve with the families of those who were killed or injured, and of course the death of ubhashinim is a shock for the entire international football community. She wasn’t only a great footballer, she was also a great person, and won’t be forgotten.”

Ariddians have long felt a sense of closeness with Errinundera. Both countries are covered in pristine, unspoilt forests, even if Ariddians’ deep-held respect for their natural environment is secular, whereas Errinunderans’ springs in great part from their Dreamtime (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera#From_the_Errinundera_Dreamtime) beliefs. There is in fact a small expatriate Ariddian community in Errinundera, and some – mainly Indigenous Ariddians – have adopted the Errinunderan Dreamtime spirituality. In addition, both countries are vegetarian.

“The thoughts of all Ariddian people are with Errinundera today,” Ariddia’s ambassador (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_government_officials_and_diplomats) to Errinundera, Audrey Melei, said from her housetree ambassadorial residence.


Controversy around Spruitlander nude cheerleaders

There has been some debate over the presence of naked cheerleaders accompanying every Spruitland match, including those against Ariddia. During Ariddia’s home game in Darras Olympic Stadium, which ended in a three-all draw, the “Wabettes” were very active, and their presence was well received by Ariddian fans. “It made things even more festive,” as one supporter put in. “And who could possibly object to beautiful naked women pracing around?”

His question is now being answered. Not that Ariddians object to nudity; there is, in fact, no law in Ariddia which compels anyone to wear clothes if they don’t want to, and the quasi-absence of religion means few people frown upon “indecent” exposure. Add to that the fact that some Indigenous Ariddian communities in the country’s deep, semi-tropical forests still live naked or quasi-naked, and you will understand that the Ariddian attitude towards nudity id very relaxed. Most of the time.

The controversy, strangely enough, sprung up due to the fact the Wabettes perform a cheerleading dance just before the start of the match – that is, almost at the same time as the Ariddian players perform their ritual dance, the [url=http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek]ulek[/ulek]. Some Ariddians now feel uncomfortable at the sight of the ancient war dance, of great symbolic importance, being juxtaposed with the dancing of nude cheerleaders.

“I have to admit, I don’t really like it,” female Indigenous Ariddian player Uha Teh admitted. “It’s demeaning to our ulek. This is supposed to be a war dance, to intimidate our opponents. It’s difficult to intimidate them if they’ve just been watching the Wabettes, and it’ll be difficult for the Spruitlander public to take our ulek seriously.”

The Ariddian Football Assocation has promised to talk to the SFA to see whether the Wabette dance and the ulek can be spaced out a little rather than follow on from one another.

Sharks Upset Commies, Sit Atop Group 10, and Extend Unbeaten Streak

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run yesterday with a 1-0 upset over Hockey Canada. The game was very even until the 87th minute when Jon Fields took the ball at the top of the box and wired a shot home to make it 1-0 Quakmybush. That is how the game ended. Other scores in group 10 were, Giant Zucchini squeaked by Palixia 1-0, Bostopia surpirsed the Archregimancy 3-0, and Demot beat Ten Thousand Maggots 3-1. With the Quakmybush win and The Archregimancy loss Quakmybush now sits first in Group 10.

Group 10 Table
Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
Quakmybush 10 7 2 1 23 18 9 9
The Archregimancy 10 7 1 2 22 22 10 12
Hockey Canada 10 5 3 2 18 19 6 13
Giant Zucchini 10 5 1 4 16 18 15 3
Demot 10 4 2 4 14 20 15 5
Bostopia 10 3 2 5 11 18 22 -4
Ten Thousand Maggots 10 1 2 7 5 9 28 -19
Palixia 10 0 3 7 3 4 23 -19

Quakmybush Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia W 3-2
Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-0
Hockey Canada W 1-0
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot


Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 9
Cory Sorley 3
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Andrew Plett 1
Mike Martin 1
Chris Bricking 1
Darrel Ralegigh 1

D2R eye up replacements!

Information leak reveals some who the RFA are looking at

Following a leak of information from the Revolutionarian Football Association headquarters, the identification of 2 managers which are on the shortlist for Progressian-born Gavrj Taqin's replacement.

The first name on the partial list was Angel MacDonald, who in the past has taken Cere United through many glorious years. The RFA obviously feel that his success at club level can be carried on to the international stage.

The second name on the list was that of current Starblaydia manager, Khim Azanulbizarn. Although still employed, it is widely expected that Khim would be forced to step down as international manager if Starblaydia failed to reach the Semi-Finals.

Following the media leaking the information to the public, there has been a distinctly mixed reaction, with many people bemoaning the need for a non-foreign manager. However, others are applauding the RFAs choice in managers, believing that these targets show that D2R is looking for success-bringing managers and looking forward to a bright Revolutionary future.

In other news: Dance 2 Revolution may be controversially bidding for hostingg rights of the Cup of Harmony, despite being expected to play in the competition. Many people involved in the behind-the-scenes part of the football world have been heard explaining their belief of the Cup of Harmony's need to be harmonious in a neutral venue, and not having any particular team feel the advantage of being at home.

Haraki had taken the field versus Sel Appa coming off a large win over Aurendia and a badly-needed three points. Given the Hawks' awful luck throughout this entire qualifying run, every win was badly needed and they needed five straight wins to qualify, provided McPsychoville screwed up a lot.

The mood was grim, to say the least. And when Sel Appa went up one at eighteen minutes from Estevan, the Hawks looked to be in dire straights indeed. Chris O'Hara had been quite effectively blocked by an offside Sel Appan player and hadn't seen the shot coming until it was too late, it simply cruising by him into the back of the net.

The Hawks were also still without their captain and top scorer for the match, as he was still out with an injury, but his replacement, Charles Fense, performed quite well, equalizing the game at forty-eight minutes, slamming a goal into the top-left hand corner from the edge of the penalty box. The keeper, on the right side watching Fense come in from the diagonal, tried to stop it but was too late.

Matthew Thompson added the second at fifty-five minutes in, with attacking midfield Julie Vern taking a shot that bounced off the keeper's outstretched leg and Thompson rushing in to pick up the rebound and tip it in. Not five minutes later, off a Thomas Neils free kick taken from the far right side of the box, Thompson headed a goal into the net only to have it disqualified for offside.

By the end of the game Haraki was in a comfortable position, settled into their rhythms of attack and defence, the defenders blocking or forcing most Sel Appan shots, preventing them from any quality attempts. O'Hara's feet only needed to leave the ground twice through the entire second half. It looked to be a 2-1 victory, until Manuel Cortes, brought in at seventy minutes for Vern, decided to go on a walkabout.

Vern, the unchallenged champion dribbler of the Harakian team, had her position challenged by Cortes, originally a star attacking player for the team for two world cups before being suspended by the ARHF for an on-pitch fight and prevented from playing on the Hawks for all of the World Cup 29 year.

Sel Appa took a free kick near centre thanks to a particularly aggressive tackle by Cortes, and off the free kick he leapt in the way of the player the short pass was coming to, knocking the ball up with his foot and heading it up and over the player that took the free kick originally. With a slow, lazy arc developing, Cortes sprinted forward, leapt into the air and headed it down just as the Sel Appan player was about to retrieve it. Streaking forward, he retrieved the ball and began a merry dance forward, around two midfields and straight towards a defender, who he faked left and right enough times the man came straight for him and Cortes kicked it straight between his legs, hopped over the outstretched leg for a tackle, and continued his run into the penalty box. Left one on one with the keeper, he faked a kick to the right which sent the keeper diving off out of Cortes' path to the goal, and then dribbled it across the line for a third goal. This outstanding piece of play seemed to be Cortes' way of showing Lloyd Vargas, who put the team together, that he deserved a starting spot.

The Hawks now face a tough road. Ten points behind second place McPsychoville with four games left, they need to win every game and have McPsychoville lose every game in order to qualify. Ouch. Better luck next time.

Haraki 3 - Sel Appa 1
(18) Estevan
Fense (48)
Thompson (55)
Cortes (88)

http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/2189/slammrw29c8oq.gif
Marceau's Official Newsletter of The World Cup


Marceau Stays Alive by beating the Crap outta thier opponent

Marceau Won another one today this time staying off Elmination by Beating the Greatest Crap 2-1. The Win put Marceau at 4 Wins and 6 Losses with 12 points 9 back of United Island Empires.They are far back but games are played on a field and not on paper for a reason.On to the Game.

The Game started off With a Unfortunate turn of events for Marceau as Maxime Fréchette was taken down hard with a tackle and forced to leave the match at the 9th minute. In that ammount of time The Greatest Crap scored its lone goal of the Game at the 15th minute on a deflected shot the Goal would be credited as an own goal off of Jaques Mallar.With that happening Marceau Got a little angry and started playing with some determination and at the 45th minute Cousteau Netted a beauty of a shot that bent past an outstretched keeper.WIth that we went into the halfmark much like the start of the game tied.The second half Marceau turned on it's defense and shut down the Craps chances of thinking about a goal everything stayed with that stalemate until Marceau Went down on a betiful 2 on 1 with Lezclair and Peter-James Corsi(seeing his first International Action ever in a sub role for the Injured striker) Corsi sent it up to Lezclair on the cross and Lezclair fired a shot off the keeper the loose ball was picked up by Corsi and buried into the back of the net<audio clip from MBC's Broadcast-"Lezclair charging in on the net fires.... save but the ball is loose Corsi charging in for the rebound he gets it ,gets it.....GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Peter James corsi in his fiorst ever action nets what could be a huge goal for Marceau what effort what a play Marceau is up two one now with just a few minute remaining"-end MBC Clip> with that Marceau would go on to win 2-1.

Scorers
MR(OG)-J.Mallar(OG15min)
MR-J.S. Cousteau(45min)
MR-P.J. Corsi(83min)

Group 8 Standings
Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Cataduanes 10 8 1 1 25 12 13 25
Wentland 10 8 0 2 21 10 11 24
Jeruselem 10 7 2 1 23 7 16 23
United Island Empires 10 7 0 3 16 6 10 21
Marceau State 10 4 0 6 12 19 -7 12
Delesa 10 3 1 6 11 11 0 10
Marion Oaks 2 10 1 0 9 9 28 -19 3
The Greatest Crap 10 0 0 10 3 27 -24 0
red=Eliminated


Schedule
MD0 -Rorysville L 4-0
MD1 -Jeruselem L 4-0
MD2 -Wentland L 4-1
MD3 -The Greatest Crap W 3-1
MD4 -Marion Oaks 2 W 3-1
MD5 -Delesa W 3-0
MD6 -Cataduanes L 2-0
MD7 -United Island Empires L 1-0
MD7.5-Rorysville L 2-1
MD8 -Jeruselem L 3-0
MD9 -Wentland L 2-0
MD10 -The Greatest Crap W 2-1
MD11 -Marion Oaks2
MD12 -Delesa
MD13 -Cataduanes
MD14 -United Island Empires

Maxime Fréchette's Injury is not serious he will be back in action next game against Marion Oaks 2.

Sarzonia 2 Northern Caesarea 0

12. Salmón ****

17. Heredia ** =>2. Martínez (m. 76)
21. Perea ***
22. Ibañez ****

19. Gabi *
13. Vizcaíno **
16. De la Rosa *
18. Zeamendi ****

14. Istúriz ***
7. Maragall *** => 9. Álvarez (m.77)
20. Toledo ****
--------------------------------------------------------

1. Talbot 0

2. Wagoner *
3. Donovan 0
4. Yancy 0
5. Campo **

7. Tunstall **
8. Griego *****
10. Clausen 0
11. Purvis *****

20. Jacobson **
23. Cornwell *



The crack
Griego
A real powerhouse on the right wing. He was superior to both Ibañez and Zeamendi, who played at great level.


The dandy
Purvis
Mathematical passes, spectacular dribbling, a wall for Gabi and De la Rosa... He has the clue on his team victory.

Not his day
Clausen
The leader of the Sarzonian team was totally absent of the match. Perea and Ibañez did a great job stopping him.

The tough guy
Heredia
He tackled violently Purvis and spent almost all the match provocking both Sarzonian players and public. He saw a yellow carton. Pepu Hernández took him out of the pitch on m.76 to avoid worse consequences.

Woodstock-What can't be, can't and it's impossible, said a well-known bullfighter. That was the case yesterday in Woodstock. The Tricolores thought it was possible to win a top-class team like Sarzonia, and they played according to that objective, but the Sarzonians used all their technical superiority and their long WC experience to knock-out Northern Caesarea.
The forces were even until m.32, when Griego kicked a statospherical shot from the midfield to score the 1-0. Salmón should have been Superman to stop it.
And in m.37, Purvis made a milimetrical pass to Jacobson, who dribbled Perea, avoided a dangerous Heredia tackle and scored the definitive goal.

The Isangrad Times

Horgate Shutout!
Even with subs, Magnus Valerius takes an easy win!

With yesterday's game stirring up a riot and having numerous players from Magnus Valerius and Lexington SC suspended for a game, it was a little hard to know whether the Valerians will succeed well or not in the coming game. But then again, after we realized it was against "Whoregate", the second-to-last of the group, we breathed a sigh of relief. Nonetheless, it was a game of steamrolling a rug down and beating them into elimination from the qualifiers. In fact, the roster for today looked much different today for the Valerians:


Starters for MD 10

Goalkeeper:
Ferenc de Mazovy

Defenders:
Pierre-Francois de Villebleu
Gregorios Ylikov
Seymour Donnalson

Midfield:
Karl von Stoffel
Bela Ungvar
Luca Romanus
Heinrich Zerbst

Strikers:
George Illyanich
Gannibal Ioannidis
Ismail Mendeleev


With a different roster to account for the riot yesterday had Valerians asking, "Will today's win be a 0:1 or a 0:4?" It seems that, despite having the subs making the main game plays, that they are just as sharp as the starters. The subs did excellently today and perhaps they should see more game action in the future than what little they see already. Particularly, the three new players signed onto the Boyars, Ylikov, Villebleu, and von Stoffel, should possibly be made starters or even be made into subs in the main squad more often.

The game started off with a purr. George Illyanich, who emerged onto the field amongst the cheers of Valerians, was battered and bruised from the brawl yesterday, but he was ready to play. He did not do his best today, but that may be due to the fact that he wants the subs to have a little bit of the limelight too. "They don't get much love, and they really deserve more attention than they do," Illyanich said after the game. "Plus, my side aches from yesterday...those Lexingtonians need more experience in football, but apparently they are all professional brawlers."

At the 19th minute, the first goal was made for the Valerians after several goal attempts that harrassed the defense of the Whore... er, Horgatians. Ismail Mendeleev came in with a shocking play. George Illyanich set him up as he feinted a goal attempt and then passed it over to Mendeleev, who was open and had a clear shot at the net. And, apparently, the Horgatians have no sense of direction. The goalkeeper tried to block in the direction of Illyanich, thinking he still had possession of the football. Such is the woes of an inexperienced team.

As the game's first half was winding down, Bela Ungvar sent the Horgatians a half-time gift at the 44th minute with another goal for the Boyars. The Boyars did not let up, and the defense consisting of the subs made sure that any Horgatian would not make it far in Valerian turf. The Horgatians would, at the end of the first half, have only two goal opportunities, which they missed after one of their players tripped and fell and then at the second attempt was blocked by Ferenc de Mazovy with a mighty Magyar lunge.

After halftime, the Valerians decided to play defensive to try and see what the Horgatians could do, and apparently that was a big waste of time. They missed a big oppotunity to score, but as they switched over to offensive again, it seems that the Horgatians sucked up their losses prior and had created a moderate defense. The Valerians, however, tore it apart within minutes and had the "new guy" Karl von Stoffel sneak in past the Horgatians for a goal at the 81st minute. It was an excellent show of Valerian skill in football, and a sign of a comeback for the Boyars. Maybe within a cup or two, we may qualify and become reknowned as a force in NS Football (although even in this cup, we are strong).

What this game also demonstrated are the sharp skills of our subs and the eagerness of George Illyanich to let others score in his stead. It shows good sportsmanship of the Valerian football star, showing that he has little pride in being a star and more pride in being a team player. Being a team player counts over all.

Tomorrow is a road game for the Boyars in the Realms of the Dark Horse of Group 12, the Green Wombat. We hope to exact revenge for the draw they brought us to and earn a clean win against these damn upstarts.

Final Score

Horgate 0:3 Magnus Valerius

Scorers

Ismail Mendeleev - 1 (19)
Bela Ungvar - 1 (44)
Karl von Stoffel - 1 (81)

THE GROUP STANDINGS


Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 10 8 1 1 28 6 22 25
New Montreal States 10 6 3 1 24 7 17 21
Harlesburg 10 6 1 3 15 15 0 19
Magnus Valerius 10 5 3 2 23 13 10 18
Green wombat 10 5 1 4 15 18 -3 16
Lexington SC 10 3 0 7 13 24 -11 9
Horgate 10 1 1 8 2 17 -15 4
Carvalo 10 0 2 8 6 26 -20 2


Boyar Top Scorers!

G. Illyanich - 7
J. d'Anjou - 3
K. Feodorov - 3
K. von Stoffel - 3
Y. Bashkirsky - 1
G. Ioannidis - 1
I. Mendeleev - 1
J. Song - 1
B. Ungvar - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 0:0
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1
MD7.5: Friendly games
MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC --- W 4:0
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States @ Immortal City Field in Tabriz
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

Billy: ...what do you mean how do I know? I know.

Meg: Because they...

Billy: Yes, because they...

Meg: And how do you know that they really...

Billy: What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?

Meg: It's possible.

Billy: Get outta here!

Meg: Why? Most women at one time or another have faked it.

Billy: Well they haven't faked it with me.

Meg: How do you know?

Billy: Because I know.

Meg: Oh, right, that's right, I forgot, you're a man.

Billy: What is that supposed to mean?

Meg: Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them and
that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math.

Billy: You don't think that I could tell the difference?

Meg: No.

Billy: Get outta here.

Meg: Oh, oh, oh.

Director: Cut, cut, CUT! Sally, what do you think that was?

The shooting for the film "When Billy Met Meg", starring Harry Burns and Sally Albright, took place during qualifying for World Cup XXXIII. However it was not going well.

"t's quite difficult to do, Rainer...I've never needed to fake it before. Did my agent not tell you that?"

"Well," said Harry, "I could give her a hand..."

"You touch me and I sue. Like yesterday."

Director Rainer Roberts sighed. This was the key scene and he needed Sally Albright to fake it most convincingly...and it was not working.

However he had an idea. "Sally, remember that match you saw a few years back?"

"Which one? I've been to a few."

"The game against United Island Empires."

"Oh, yes...how could I forget that? What a finish!"

"Well, I want you to close your eyes...and think back to the 88th minute..."

Sally Albright did so and cast her mind back to the Kenneth Kendall stadium. It had been a hard-fought match that had left the fans just as breathless as the players. Fortunately Adey Loder was full of energy from the bench and flicked the ball over the defence and was galloping to pull it back from the by-line.

"Now imagine Loder's lifted it back..."

"Yes..."

"And Norman Cooper is rising to head it down..."

"Yes..."

"And it's half-cleared and Joey Weston is bombing in..."

"Yes...yes...oh, yes..."

"And about to hit it..."

"Yes...yes..."

"ROLL!!!!"

Billy: Are you OK?

Meg: Oh...Oh god...Ooo Oh God...Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh God...Oh yeah right there
Oh! Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh...Yes Yes Yes....Oh...Yes Yes Yes
Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh... Huh...

(Meg finishes, looks at Billy and smiles. Billy looks back, looking a
little uneasy.)

Lady from another table: Is she thinking about Joey Weston's goal against UIE?

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Sui Generis Sports Publication

Krytenia Cripple Waffles Chances

A solitary 80th minute Roskelly goal was all that came the Waffles way, as a
Samuel Duffy hattrick virtually sent the Aces to the World Cup. It was all
Krytenia as the dominated the match, with only three shots on goal coming
from Spaam. The defense was admirable under the circumstances, with
Krytenia racking up 65% possession, but they had no answer to Duffy, who
pierced the back line in the 25th, 47th, and 72nd minutes.

Spaam 1 - 3 Krytenia
(4 Roskelly 80) (7 Duffy 25, 47, 72)

Alan Belmore Claims Goal Scoring Record

Spaamanian Plijous' Alan Belmore has scored the World Cup goal scoring
record, bagging six goals in a single game. addicksonia and ubhashinim
managed to score for Errinundera, but it wasn't good enough as the Gulls
walked away four goal winners. Critics are now proclaiming Alan Belmore as
the greatest striker ever. That was Belmore's 20th goal for the season so
far.

Results

Group Five
Tocapa 4 - 1 Eseck
Vuam and Isma 3 - 0 Risa-Aramour
Rorysville 3 - 1 Peturbed Lepoard

In other matches, Tocapa had a big win, downing Eseck by four goals to one,
while Vuam and Isma showed some of their top form, defeating Risa-Aramour
by three goals. And Rorysville continues to win, beating Peturbed Lepoard by
three goals to one.

Krytenia would have to lose all their remaining games to not qualify, and
Rorysville just needs three more wins to be certain. Spaam is six points
behind but with an easy run to the end, while Risa-Aramour is a further point
behind but not looking convincing. Vuam and Isma is all but out, and
Peturbed Lepoard are looking good for the wooden spoon, last by three.

Group One
Errinundera 2 - 6 Spaamanian Plijous
Liverpool England 1 - 1 Chicanada

Group Ten
Quakmybush 1 - 0 Hockey Canadia

Spaamanian Plijous had a massive win, with Alan Belmore scoring a record six
goals to defeat Errinundera by four. But bad news for the Gulls as Liverpool
England had a surprise draw to Chicanada. The Gulls are now two points
behind qualifying, while Errinundera are looking dangers, three points from the
wooden spoon. And the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks jumped to the top of
the table, thanks to a one nil win over Hockey Canadia, and a suprise
Archregimancy loss.

Next Week

Next week sees the Waffles hosting Tocapa, in what fans are hoping will be a
big win. Krytenia should decimate Eseck, while Peturbed Lepoard will be
giving their all against Risa-Aramour. And everyone in Spaam will be hoping
the visitors win as Vuam and Isma head to Rorysville.

In other matches, the Spaam match will be preceded by Liverpool England
taking on Benlandngdo, while Winchestia will play host to the Gulls as they
attempt to qualify for the first time, and the Lowland Clans host a plucky
Errinundera. And Giant Zucchini will be looking to upset Quakmybush's party
in the Zucchini homeland.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 9 1 0 33 7 26 28 83
Rorysville 7 2 1 24 10 14 23 71
Spaam 5 2 3 23 12 11 17 66
Risa-Aramour 5 1 4 18 19 -1 16 49
Vuam and Isma 4 2 4 16 13 3 14 55
Eseck 2 1 7 9 30 -21 7 23
Tocapa 1 3 6 14 25 -11 6 36
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 9 4 26 -21 3 13

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 9
4 Crewenna Roskelly 6
14 Mar'h Menadue 3
20 Eseld Retallack 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
2 Gorran Chegwidden 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4:0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2:2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1:0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0:2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6:0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2:0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2:2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3:2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2:1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam 1:3 Krytenia
11 Spaam ?:? Tocapa
12 Eseck ?:? Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard ?:? Spaam
14 Spaam ?:? Vuam and Isma

"We have a problem." Wilson Graham said in his office inside the walls of Ylompic Stadium.

"What would that be?" Hill asked, leaning back in a chair.

"Well, everyone seems apathetic to the whole thing. Noone's interested in the matches. We don't even mention the match in all our thuroughly pointless Roleplays for this thing."

"Well, that's simple. It's just not worth the effort."

"Explain."

"Ok. We have a match. If noone bitches about the score, we have to go through, pick their scorers, we have to pick who to give cards to, what happened, who got shot down on the pitch... and then we make another dull match report. Why even bother with that, when we can just come up with pointless random crap that's either good or not, which noone bothers to read anyway, by the way, take the bonus, and walk?"

Graham considered this for a minute. "That's a good point. So we have pointless RPs because... it's easier?"

"Damn right. Why try to come up with some kind of artistic masterpiece for matches against teams with half a KPB point? I mean, I barely even remember the names of my own players for those match reports anyway. In fact, I bet you could steal match reports from others, change the names and the title, and use it over, and noone would care."

"Well, that's probably a bit extreme."

"Not a bit. I'm one hundred percent confident that it would work perfectly."

"Would you try it?"

Hill shook her head. "Hell no, you'd have to be a bit of a wank to do that. We'll just go, rant about supposed secret plans to kidnap people and stuff like that, put on a halfassed show, collect the points and move on."

"Well... I can't necessarily agree with your attitude... but you are right."

"Thank you. I'll see you later, Ghrammy, we need to go practice."

Albert Fish, Warpstone scout, had gone to Casari to check out possible new signings. Big match against Psychoville and he was looking forward to seeing the two teams in action.

He was however astonished at the crowd. They appeared to be taking no interest in the match at all. The match programme was very glossy but didn't mention football at all, not even the players' names. All he could work out was that the number 11 scored a goal and even then it created little excitement.

After the game as he left the stadium with the Casari supporters they barely even acknowledged that they were nearly qualified for the finals. Indeed, many of them were barely suppressing giggles, that they were top of their group through the very act of ignoring it and intimidating the opposition with all sorts of irrelevant tactics.

Rejistania for once did not care how the national team did and even though the match was not really a match which deserved being looked at, the fact that few people cared was strange. To explain the entire strangeness of this, here are some facts:
* During matches of the national team, TV stations not having broadcast rights often shut down.
* There were 2 revolutions in the rejistani history which were related to soccer tactics and religious questions.
* the Rejistani language is full of soccer related terms: things aren't done in the last minute but 'in additional time', something which is done with ease is a 'high victory', if someone made a fauxpas it is often called something which also means to mess up in a very decisive situation.
* Qualification is every time (an excuse for) a big celebration

And this nation suddenly did not care about a soccer match as much as it used to? Impossible? Not really: Nothing more than the future of Rejistania was at stake (and the match was boring as well as the Orange-Blues playing badly). The disputes between the first lentine Syku Kansu and the High Priest of Karela, Haxada, escalated so much that Kansu'he brought the affair to the supreme court. She stated that Haxada's constant attempts to have Frankton'he fired are unconstitutional. Haxada'he however states that the requirement to stay neutral is not compatible with the part of the constitution declaring Rejistania a nation based on the values of Democracy, Freedom and Karela. Kansu'he sees the mentioning of Karela only as reference to inikresaist religion, which, before the Vinali revolution was only called Karela (or "misguided Karela"). While the Orange-Blues struggled against Bazalonia and with some bad luck only drew 1:1, the majority of the Rejistanis watched another channel: The live-transmission from the supreme court hearing in Sike kali.

IT'S..... WORLD CUP TONIGHT


With Basil and Theo!



"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"What a stonking match against Nedalia last night, Basil... what thrills, what drama, what excitement...

"What knockers! The lion-shaped door knockers on the visitor's dressing room, that is."

"By the way, Basil....."

------------------------------------------------------------
A Message From the Holy Empire Football Association

We interrupt this broadcast of highlights from last night's exciting match against Nedalia with the following announcement:

It has recently come to our attention that we have misunderstood the nature of World Cup xXx. Instead of a tournament for figures from the world of adult entertainment, this is instead an international football tournament. In fact, it appears to be the 30th edition of the recurring tournament that we hosted all the way back in World Cup 2. Boy are our faces red. Bit of embarrassment here in HEFA HQ, let me tell you. And Basil and Theo's childish double entendres are hardly helping matters, are they?

Rather than subject the nations of the world to further coverage of tonight's exciting match against Nedalia, what with its six goals, jiggling breasts, half-time strip show, and post-match orgy, we instead bring you the first part of the Prince Imperial's riveting 52 part documentary "Important Imperial Bureaucrats and their Impact on History". We will return to tonight's regularly scheduled programming upon the conclusion of the opening episode.

Thank you.

That is all.

<two hours of 'Important Imperial Bureaucrats and their Impact on History' snipped>

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming

This has been a message from the Holy Empire Football Association.
-------------------------------------------------------

"....two nuns, a donkey, and a plate of spaghetti, Theo!"

"Not with Donny Osmond he won't, Basil!"

<mutual hysterical laughter>

"That concludes tonight's coverage of that dramatic and extraordinary match against Nedalia - we hope you've enjoyed it as much as we have. Good night, and sweet dreams"

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Qualification already!?

The Milchama Warriors retained their perfect record today after beating Lisburn Mateys 2-0. However, that was actually not the big story today as Milchama became one of the first two teams to qualify for World Cup XXX in Schiavonia and Qutar (the other one was TnUI). This great accomplishment is definitely pushing up the Warriors and making us feel very good. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This is brilliant. When they first started in the U21 we called it them the ones who will take us from very good to great and they have done just that. Before we would do quite well but now we are at bloody brilliant we are beating every team under the sun and we will not stop! Milchama L'Olam!"
Now for the report on how they scored:

31st minute: Chase Mergle with a nice steal and now the Warriors are running forward. It's Mergle to Kilinin. She goes quickly forward and is creating a good counter attack. Nielson making a run and the pass from Kilinin, hits him stride and Nielson is away! Spot Nielson around the keeper 1-0 Milchama! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!! Spot Nielson making a wonderful run into open space and scoring. His play has really stepped up since Coach Smith called him out. Considering this could very well be his last World Cup he would like to break 20 goals and with the way he's scoring it is definitely not out of the question.

73rd minute: Milchama nursing their 1-0 lead but they are looking for more. Nielson looking inside. He needs to get the ball out and passes over to Lonnen. 18 yards out now and Lonnen shoots! saved! by the keeper. Corner though. Kary lines up to take it and its quick Kilinin gathers it in and crosses FLOREN ALBENTINE IS WIDE OPEN! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!!!!! 2-0 Milchama! Albentine completely unmarked on the corner and makes one of the easiest goals of his young career. The game looks over now as the Warriors look to continue their unbeaten to 22 games and their winning streak to 14 games.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 31, Albentine 73)
Lisburn Mateys 0 (We win if they don't score, well we also win when they do score but that doesn't matter)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Penguins slaughtered Swilatia (both literally and figuratively we hear) 4-1 in a one sided match from the get go. The Team is looking alright as they still in with a chance with only 4 matches to go. We can only hope for better results from the Team right now.

Milchama Wo/Men of the Match:
Today we had co Men of the Match, of course one of the people was Elana Kilinin so it made it harder to do the whole Men of the match thing. Anyway, both Elana Kilinin and Spot Nielson did very well and helped in the scoring with both goals. Kilinin was really upped her game as she went beating people left and right. Nielson also did well, he was involved in a lot of offensive attacks and is making a decision that two Matchdays ago a no brainer a hard one. Should Kelvin Joseph start in the World Cup or not?

Only time will tell.

MC: Alright we're here tonight with just coach Levesque and captain Zax-Im

Levesque: What's there to say. Bad luck does us in again. I can't see any reason why we aren't winning these games. It certainly seems as if some higher power is out to get us.

Az-cz reporter 1: What does elimination mean to the team?

Levesque: What does it mean to us? It means we didn't get the job done. What kind of a stupid question is that?

Az-cz reporter 1: Alright, let me rephrase, how will elimination affect the lineups from here on out?

Levesque: Well I'll use the regular line up against Alasdair I Frosticus, but I'll use the last three games as experiments.

Az-cz reporter 2: What are your goals for the last four games?

Levesque: Realistically two wins repeating the wins we picked up last time. Optimistically those two wins plus taking points off of either of the other two.

Az-cz reporter 3: What do you think it will take to get into the Cup of Harmony?

Levesque: I don't really know. I think we blew it. We failed to beat any of the teams ahead of us, barring a huge upset against Nedalia or Bedistan. I'm not sure what it takes to get in, but our unimpressive performances probably won't do the trick.

Az-cz reporter 4: What players are you looking at capping in the later games?

Levesque: Well there's a bunch of them. Mostly the players I've capped against Miceland so far.

Az-cz reporter 5: After the last Alasdair I Frosticus match Pizelkaxrovsky created a bit of a controversy. Are you worried about a repeat incident?

Levesque: Not particularly. It wasn't a big deal. He just said what he thought. I'm not too worried about controlling what my players say.

MC: Alright, last question.

Az-cz reporter 6: Zax-Im, what's the mood amongst the players?

Zax-Im: Not good. This is the lowest it's been at any point. That second Nebuleux goal really took us out of it. It hurt bad, I'll admit.

PART THE 18TH

Latias: HOW??? HOW WHAT? HOW I RAISED YOUR CHILD ALONE?? SURVIVED THAT SHOT?? CAUSED QAZOX TO LOSE TO BOSTOPIA AT TEH LAST WORLD CUP??? HOW WHAT??

Kyle/Paul: How.... umm. How is she doing? Our daughter?

Latias: OUR DAUGHTER??? I raised her... fed her, clothed her without anyone's help and 16 years later you dare ask How she is doing? Fine. Ask her your self, she should be back any minute after disposing of those two idiots who brought you here.

Sure enough, Agent Orange walked right through the door at that moment.

Latias: Agent Orange, meet your "FATHER" Kyle Cartman.

Agent Orange stood there looking at the man her mother claimed was her father. The man looked older than dirt to her, but something is his eyes made her take a second look and despite never having seen him until 30 minutes ago, she knew he was her father.

Latias: Agent Orange, you are dismissed for now. If you do not hear from me within an hour, implement Operation Omega Pi.

Kyle: Omega Pi...Why does that sound so familar to me?

Latias: All in due time, Kyle, all in due time, but first, the real reason you're here, or so you think. The match-fixing scandal. It was easy of course, you sell weapons to any old country during a civil war and no-one's the wiser as they think the other side stole them. Then I used that money to bribe every offical on the World Cup Committee (ooc: I'm not saying that the WWC is corrupt.. just IC wise) to allow Qazox the glimmer of hope just to be crushed. Just like this year, Money does buy lots of things.

(to be continued....)

Another dream, another nights lost sleep for Stuart LittleMouse. The dream continued on and despite winning the fight against Viaj, knocking the man out. Still from the point-of-view of this Ila, knowing that it won't be long for the man to chase after her. She left the man and run into the nearby woods, she couldn't see anyone following her but she continued to run. Looking behind her the woods seemed like it was alive and that scared her even more. Eventually she tripped over, looking up she saw... and that was where the dream ended that night. Stuart was getting frustrated, "Oh please, this is just getting annoying" said stuart as he woke early in the morning. Getting up from his bed he went into the bathroom and splashed his face with some water.

........................

The Doja no match for The Mice

In another show of dominance against the poorer teams in the Baptism of Fire the Mice just showed why they are in the third place in group 7. Another win another three points. Despite the win however, Stuart LittleMouse seemed more sluggish than usual. We have been able to confim that he had not been sleeping well. Infact it was decided that Stuart would be replaced by another Mouse, Tea DrinkMouse. Charity and Fievel got the 3 goals between them. Fievel Scored in the 34th and Charity finished with the other 2 goals in the 56th and 78th minutes. The Doja team failed to mount any serious attack on the miceland goal.

Judas Alcácer: Hi, everyone. You can be lucky somedays, but you can't have all the luck all the time. That happened to the bunch of oldies leaded by a lunatic known as "The Tricolore Fury", which misrepresents our country and our football abroad. Sarzonia gave our boys and their coach what they deserved and they were looking for during all the qualification phase. Tonight, at Berenguer Nou Estadi, we can maybe see the end of Pepu Hernández Delirium Tremens with Elven Marauders thirsty of revenge after our unfair victory at their stadium. We wanted to speak with the national coach, but with a demostration of his totalitarian, dictatorial and antidemocratic ways, he has refused to talk with me. Our reporter Felipe Lotas is in the NCFL headquarters with the list of players who will play against Elven Security Forces.

Felipe Lotas: Hi, Judas. Here's the list:

12. Salmón

2. Martínez
21. Perea
22. Ibañez

8. Álava
6. Llano
10. Esquivel
18. Zeamendi

14. Istúriz
7. Maragall
20. Toledo

Called in:

25. Franco
3. Sergi
16. De la Rosa
19. Gabi
9. Álvarez
23. Salmerón

Judas Alcácer: Definitively, mediocrity rules. Let's talk of a more happy subject. The Tour of Northern Caesarea has been striken by two new doping scandals...

<RESERVED FOR RP>

*Have to dash problem with my student house I need to sort out

A link to MD11 scores. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11624298#post11624298) Ithankyou.

Qutar: Count your RP for tomorrow. As you don't have a game, it probably won't make too much difference. ;)

* Funky theme music *

A blonde 18 year old stands alone in a cheerleader uniform

"Hi, this is Dazzas Dallas once again. No Rachel today, err, doctor told her to stay in hospital to let the stiches in her head settle. She wanted to be here, but doctor's orders said no. So this is still the FOOTBALL LIFE, minus one blonde bimbo. And now, why am dressed up like cheerleader and turning viewers into perverts? Err, actually - couldn't find anything else to wear today apart from my Jeruselem team uniform, so err, yeah. Finns likes it anyway."

<winks at camera>

"Right Match day eleven, meaning 3 games left. As you all know by now, in Jeruselem's Group 8 - there's 4 good teams and 4 teams going home. The order of the four best teams will be determined in 3 games time. Now, we played the nice people from Wentland today. Last time we met, Wentland won signalling they will not be lying down and surrending to higher seeds. Dazza hates losing, and today we were playing for Rachel Kool who is still in hospital from that incident on match day 10. Well, Wentland was leading this Group 8 but no more. We had our revenge and spanked them FOUR NIL. Yes, I kid you not. First half - we had lotsa trouble with their stubborn defense, scoring 1 goal. Still, we needed more to be safe and the team delivered. A 2nd half blitz of three goals and we have our three points. Watch it on JGN and enjoy the moment although you might see me falling over a fair bit due to the pitch. Jeruselem back into 2nd, boys and girls!"

<rearranges hair>

"Sorry. Cataduanes took on the Islanders, who both needed the win take advantage of us playing Wentland. Well, Cataduanes sunk the Islanders TWO ONE. One tough tough game with lots of drama but once again Cataduanes grab the lead in Group 8 ahead of us. We actually wanted Cataduanes to win as it helps us put distance between us and the Islanders, although a draw would have helped us too. So, Cataduanes head the group with Jeruselem 2nd. Went fall back to 3rd and the Islanders stay 4th. Still it's tight but wentland have bounce back from this set-back. Happy joy joy for Cataduanes and us! If it does come down to goal difference, we will be the winners as our against is a paltry 7 goals. That's 7 goals in 12 games. The Islanders conceded 8 but scored only 17. Scoring wise, Cataduanes and Jeruselem are champs in this group, 27 goals each. Top 2 have numbers on their side."

"We found a team who played crappier than The Greatest Crap. It's Delesa. They lost 0-2 and the Crap team score 3 points! They also increased their goal tally from 3 to 5. They are still last and Delesa look lost now, gone. Marion Oaks 2 played crap too, losing to the Frencies 1-3. Frenchies won't qualify but they are 5th and have 5 wins which is pretty good if you look at teams above them. Oakies 2nd last still. The question is who is crappier, Oakies and the crap team?"

"A summary of what our friends did. Nedalia, the mighty Lions won again. Nebuleux got hammered into the field and buried with a bulldozer 6-3. Another six goals to Nedalia! I am sure they will make it. The Bedistan Lion won their game 5-0. Group 13 is being eaten alive by Lions! Two Lions teams crushing all their path. Hockey Canada gained 3 valuable points with a TWO ONE win over Palixia. They aren't giving up - they will fight all the way to 2nd or 1st."

"Oh, last but not least. Yafor 2! They took on the mighty Ariddia team. Now the Bunny team Spruitland are doing really really well, so this game was really important. Both teams got a point each leaving Yafor 2 in 3rd still but Ariddia are ahead of Spruitland. These three teams are like Group 8, any slip-ups will hurt and cost. Jeruselem folks, cheer on the Yaforites! Do it for Lisa, she's doing her best."

"Just a reminder, three more match days before we announce the winner of free wedding. Keep those applications coming in."

"I got this weird question from some wacko. He wants to know why we are in the World Cup triple ex. He thinks we should boycott all world cups with triple ex in it. Well, we can't. You skip any world cup, your ranking drops - you lose good players through retirement and then when you do return, you team has to rebuilt. It's stupid - like the person asking the question. Makes no commercial sense as well, world cup means money for Jeruselem and we don't want be missing out because there's XXX in the number. What a stupid way to sabotage Jeruselem football!"

"That's all from me. Sweet dreams, err, because I just realised my skirt is been flapping about. Hehe, good thing I wear underwear."

Group Eight
Cataduanes 2 - 1 United Island Empires
Jeruselem 4 - 0 Wentland
The Greatest Crap 2 - 0 Delesa
Marceau State 3 - 1 Marion Oaks 2


Group 8 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Cataduanes 11 9 1 1 27 13 28 +14
Jeruselem 11 8 2 1 27 7 26 +20
Wentland 11 8 0 3 21 14 24 +7
United Island Empires 11 7 0 4 17 8 21 +9
Marceau State 11 5 0 6 15 20 15 -5
Delesa 11 3 1 7 11 13 10 -2
Marion Oaks 2 11 1 0 10 10 31 3 -21
The Greatest Crap 11 1 0 10 5 27 3 -22


Group Nine
Ariddia 2 - 2 Yafor 2

Group Ten
Palixia 0 - 2 Hockey Canada

Group Thirteen
Bedistan 5 - 0 The Candrian Empire
Nedalia 6 - 3 Nebuleux

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/theweegies.gif The Weegies - 0__________5 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


FIVE TO NOTHING!
Record Setting Game Features Wainwright In Play


ROENTGEN, BECQUERELIA (JNS) - A surprisingly non-suspended Ambrose Wainwright scored the fifth and final goal in a record-setting Becquerelia victory over The Weegies.

Zikan scored twice, and Gregory Conveniencia and Paul Annunziata added a goal each. The five to nothing rout was the biggest victory in Becquerelian football history.

"It was a very good win. Every win's a good win, but this was ecspecially good. Especially to do this well at home," said Assistant Coach David Deneen after the match.

After Wainwright's surprising and scathing comments regarding the coaching of the team after the Uncle Pete game, it was widely expected that he would be sat down. But surprisingly, he was on the pitch at the start of the game, and walked off of the field at the end of it.

"We talked things over, the coaching staff and Ambrose," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini. "I don't think he criticism was necessary, and I told him that, but we talked strategy mostly, and he had some good ideas. Some of them were seen on the game today, actually."

"However," continuted Coach Crescentini, "talking to the press without permission from the football federation or myself from now on is very much forbidden, and anyone doing so will be sat down in the future."

With their victory over Sashonska, Squornshelous officially qualified for a spot in World Cup 30, leaving Becquerelia Sativaville and Vilita fighting for the second spot. Becquerelia currently has a five point lead over Vilita, with Sativaville two points behind Vilita. If Becquerelia defeats Sativaville and Vilita loses their next game, the Black Cats would be guaranteed a spot in the World Cup finals.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia - 2 Sativaville - 1
MD06: Squornshelous - 3 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Vilita - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 2 Kericia - 0
MD09: Sashonska - 2 Becquerelia - 2
MD10: Becquerelia - 0 Uncle Pete - 0
MD11: The Weegies - 0 Becquerelia - 5
MD12: Sativaville (6-1-4) at Becquerelia (8-2-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (8-2-1) at Squornshelous (10-1-0)
MD14: Vilita (7-0-4) at Becquerelia (8-2-1)


Goal Scorers
Zikan - 8
Gregory Conveniencia - 4
Niceaus Annunziata - 3
Paul Annunziata - 2
Razak Khalef - 2
Leo De Grenier - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1
Thomas Strazzabosco - 1
Ambrose Wainwright - 1

((Tynelia RP))

“Hello soccer fans, welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of Tynelais attempts to qualify for WC 30. Today was a good news/bad news sort of match. The good news is that Tynelia is still alive but the bad news is that they failed to get the win they needed. However holding the 18th ranked Bettia team to a 1-1 draw is certainly something to be proud of, as this is the first time Tynelia has gained a point in four matches off Bettia. This result keeps Tynelia two points behind Bettia as the last remaining squad to ruin the “automatic” qualification of Bettia and Starblaydia. On the positive side, Starblaydia’s 5-0 destruction of Wrecker means the top team in the world has officially qualified leading some to wonder if this means they will be resting their starters in their next match with Tynelia. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee, so Dana does this result end things for us?”

“Well Mike, obviously a win against Starblaydia is now a must as the team can’t allow themselves to drop any further behind than they are now where a single win/loss swap in these next three matches can put us ahead of Bettia. On the other hand this draw did keep Bettia from pulling out of reach of us so we’re still in this.”

“Yes a great defensive effort today as the extra rest for the starters in the Wrecker match seems to have paid off here as the defenders managed to keep pace with the relentless Bettia attack and Amy Whiteworth had perhaps her best match of the Cup allowing only a lone goal in the 31st minute. That edge was neutralized just before the second half when Jay Masterson fired in the equalizer in the extra time of the first half. The second half was back and forth but ion the end neither side could break through as the Tynelian fans celebrated the draw.”

“A fine effort but the offense again struggled some. Three straight matches with only one goal now could be big trouble when the match with Starblaydia begins.”

“Actually Dana, scoring one goal against Starblaydia would be a cause to celebrate seeing how they’ve only given up three goals all tournament. Still if they play their reserves Tynelia might be able to do some damage.”

“Possibly Mike, but the defense has to play just as good if not better than they did here. That might be a bit much to ask for in back to back matches. But at least we’re in a situation where we can still talk about it.”

“Speaking of talking about it, its time to have our chat with Coach Adam Billington. Hello Coach, the team had a great match out there today.”

<Billington appears on the screen>

“Hello Mike and Dana. Yes we didn’t quite pull off the win I would have liked but we’re still in this thing. Now we just have to do it again.”

“So do you think you can? The defense was great today but they have to be even better tomorrow.”

“Well Mike, this just shows how badly we needed that Wrecker win. That would have kept us tied with Bettia and any slip up could benefit us. But the team should be inspired by their match today and use that to keep momentum. Besides I heard Starblaydia clinched their spot so maybe they’ll take their foot off the accelerator and let us stay with them.”

“I don’t think that will happen though Coach. Starblaydia will probably want to run a perfect record all the way through. Not to mention they’re trying to win the keeper’s award for fewest goals allowed. At the moment they’re tied with Sarzonia and Liverpool England is only one behind. I don’t think they’ll lighten up much.”

“That may be true Dana but I’m sure its tougher to stay motivated when you’re safely in than it is when you’re fighting for your lives. It should still be an extremely difficult match for us but we absolutely have to win. Either way we have to win out and hope Bettia is upset by one of the three 100+ ranked teams left. That’s all there is to it.”

“OK Coach, our time’s up here, good luck against Starblaydia.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<Billington’s image fades>

“Well there you have it. The road is still a rough one and the toughest part is right here Dana.”

“Yes it is Mike, I don’t see how Tynelia can win this barring a total collapse of the Starblaydia defense. Starblaydia has only been held to one goal twice this tournament and I think that’s about the only way Tynelia’s offense will be able to keep pace. Having to score three goals is all but impossible I’d say so 2-1 or 1-0 is the team’s only reasonable hope.”

“I’m afraid I agree with you there Dana. This is almost a mission impossible for the team. And now to see just how tough it is here’s Melodi Harris with the latest computer sims. Welcome back Melodi.”

<Melodi appears on the split screen>

“Thank you Mike and I’m glad to be here because that means Tyenlia is still alive. As before our computers simulated a massive 20 matches between Starblaydia and Tynelia and here are the results. In results that were closer to the Bettia results than most of our computer experts predicted Tynelia’s record is 4 wins, 8 draws and 8 losses in these simulations. Tynelia’s largest margin of victory was 2-0 which they achieved once, a 2-1 and a pair of 1-0 wins were the other wins if anyone was interested. The largest margin of Starblaydia victory was 6-1. However it should also be noted that this was the only match where Starblaydia scored more than three goals. The mutual highest scoring match was a 3-2 Starblaydia victory, the only match Tynelia scored two goals and lost. So there you go Mike, things look pretty bad as far as a win goes though another draw definitely seems possible.”

<Melodi’s image fades>

“Well that was a bit of a surprise. I didn’t think Tynelia would have gained that many wins. And its also pretty interesting to see that somehow the team ended up with fewer losses in these sims than they did against Bettia Dana.”

“Yes and no Mike, people forget that Starblaydia’s attack is much closer to a balanced attack than Bettia’s all out assault method. So its not surprising that fewer goals were scored by them in this simulation and Tynelia can keep pace better with a team scoring one or two goals than one that could toss out a seven goal match against just about anyone. Still I think the computers are being too optimistic here.”

“So you expect a loss then Dana? You were wrong on the Bettia match after all.”

“Yes Mike I do think we’ll fall short this time. I think the team will play well at home but still come out on the short end of a 2-0 score. The offense, while not as horrid as the days of the shutout streaks of past Cups, has seemed to stagnate at a goal a match and more will be needed against the best team in the world. In fact this has been the only team to shut us out so far and I don’t really see why they can’t again. Unless they do put in a mostly reserve squad this time. That’s really Tynelia’s only chance I think.”

“Ok then Dana, we’ll just have to see. Tonight’s Starblaydia match will be covered not only on TSW but on all major networks as the biggest home match in Tynelian soccer history will take place at the historical Presidential Coliseum. The pre-game show here on TSW will be starting a half hour earlier than normal for this match up. And afterwards Dana and I will be here to see if Tynelia could accomplish the impossible and defeat the best team in the world. Until then I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee forTynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

Unbeaten Streak Extended

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run with a 0-0 draw with Giant Zucchini. The game was very even but neithert team was able to tickle the twine. Other scores in group 10 were, Hockey Canada shutout Palixia 2-0, The Archregimancy slide by Demot 2-1, and Ten Thousand Maggots got crushed by Bostopia 3-0. Quakmybush will next take on Palixia and hope to win to keep their lead on Hockey Canada for the 2nd qualifying place.

Group 10 Table

Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy 11 8 1 2 25 24 11 13
Quakmybush 11 7 3 1 24 18 9 9
Hockey Canada 11 6 3 2 21 21 6 15
Giant Zucchini 11 5 2 4 17 18 15 3
Demot 11 4 2 5 14 21 17 4
Bostopia 11 4 2 5 14 21 22 -1
Ten Thousand Maggots 11 1 2 8 5 9 31 -22
Palixia 11 0 3 8 3 4 25 -21

Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia W 3-2
Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-0
Hockey Canada W 1-0
at Giant Zucchini D 0-0
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot

Goal Scorers
Jon Fields 9
Cory Sorley 3
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Andrew Plett 1
Mike Martin 1
Chris Bricking 1
Darrel Ralegigh 1

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

Malli Army Acting Like Qualifiers
Tie, Win Gives Stars 4 point advantage with 3 games left

Eastentown - Oh, NOW they show up.

After looking like trash againstg The Lowland Clans, Chicanada gave up hope yet again on a qualification back tot the World Cup Finals and even began looking forward to how the CFA would be planning their solo bid for WC31.

And then, National Coach Yerevan Malli and leading striker Michael Klobee forced the Kodiak Nation to look back at the Stars.

The National Team added their fourth win since the collapse in the AO thanks to an impressive 2-0 victory over Hiiraan here at the sold out National Hall in downtown, increasing their momentum from their impressive 1-all tie against LE AT LE to keep the Stars four points ahead of their closest rivals with three games remaining. Klobee added two more goals - one a beautiful header off a corner in the 13th minute and the other being a penalty kick in the 45th - to give im a nice 12 goals for the tournament.

Malli, as expected, downplayed the 13-point-streak that has put the OSers in control and a possibility to clinch as early as their match against Benlandngdo on MD12. "I'm just pleased that we continue to show progress against strong opposition and we're playing to win rather than to try and get points."

The points problem has been the issue for most National Sides during Chicanada's World Cup history, but they seem to finally be getting the problem with penalties out of the way and seem aimed for a final run at qualification.

Groups News

We'd like to pat ourselves on the back for calling the Hockey Canada issue, as they look to miss qualifying for the Finals for the first time in many a cup. Otherwise, most groups are breaking as expected. LE, Oliverry, Milchama, Squornshelous, Krytenia, Starblaydia, Commerce Heights, TnUI and Fmjphoenix are already in to the Final 32 with strong final fights expected in all thr groups. Chicanada is hoping to join the first 9 teams into the finals tommorow in Star Point (of course, the need a tad amount of help, such as a couple losses, but who's counting).

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Ignomious Sports Publication

Still Behind But Looking Good

Tehta Trevelyan ensured that the Waffles still had a chance to qualify, as
they had an easy two goal win over Tocapa. Scoring in the 20th and 36th
minutes, Spaam never looked challenged by the world number 158s, letting
coach Tamsyn Pengelley give the rookies some more experience in the second
half. Though they didn't add to the score, the defense was perfect, with just
a solitary shot on goal coming from the visitors. The only con to the pro, was
captain Crewenna Roskelly being helped off with a hamstring strain, but she is
expected to be back for the next match.

Spaam 2 - 0 Tocapa
(1 Trevelyan 20, 36)

Results

Group Five
Krytenia 3 - 0 Eseck
Peturbed Lepoard 0 - 1 Risa-Aramour
Rorysville 0 - 2 Vuam and Isma

In other matches, Krytenia claimed a World Cup berth, all but claimed top
spot, when they cruised past Eseck three nil. Peturbed Lepoard put a brave
fight but went down by one to Risa-Aramour, and Vuam and Isma clung on to
qualification hopes, by denting Rorysville's, defeating the hosts by two.
Krytenia now has an eight point buffer, all but giving them first position, while
Rorysville's loss gave hope to the Waffles, who are now just a single win
behind.

Most noticable is that Rorysville will struggle to win their next two matches,
while Spaam should cruise. Risa-Aramour is still in the picture as well, just a
point behind in fourth, while luck could still conspire Vuam and Isma's way,
who are a further three points behind. Eseck, Tocapa, and Peturbed
Lepoards will now be fighting for sixth position, as they are ten points behind
V&I.

Group One
Winchestia 0 - 0 Spaamanian Plijous
The Lowland Clans 2 - 0 Errinundera
Liverpool England 4 - 0 Benlandngdo

Alan Belmore came down with food poisoning, preventing him from adding to
his twenty goals, and leaving the Gulls to a scoreless draw with Winchestia.
Errinundera fell out of the qualifying race with a two goal loss to the Lowland
Clans, while Spaam's two goal win was preceded by an even bigger four goal
win by Liverpool England over Benlangdo.

Liverpool England claimed a spot in the World Cup with that win, while
Spaamanian Plijous have a lot of work to do as they slipped to a four point
deficit to Chicanada who are second. The Lowland Clans are even with the
Gulls on points, and could end their run next week. Meanwhile, Errinundera is
still only three points ahead of the ignomious wooden spoon.

Group Ten
Giant Zucchini 0 - 0 Quakmybush

A scoreless draw was good enough for Quakmybush, who slipped back to
second position, but only one point behind the Archregimancy. The Sharks
now just need two more wins to assure qualification, and have a good chance
at top position, but Hockey Canadia and Giant Zucchini are still hot on their
tales and with a chance.

Next Week

Next week sees Spaam travelling to Eseck in what the Waffles hope to be an
easy match for the must-win game. Meawhile Tocapa hosts Krytenia who are
still without a loss, and unlikely to get one there, and Peturbed Lepoard host
a determined Vuam and Isma, who still have a slim chance of qualifiying. And
its a must-win game for both Risa-Aramour and Rorysville, with the
Spaamanians backing the home team.

In other matches, its sudden death for both Spaamanian Plijous and the
Lowland Clans, with the winner staying in the qualifying race, and the loser
most likely out. Errinundera will be heading to Winchestia in an attempt to
stave off the wooden spoon, and the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks will be
looking to claim a World Cup spot when they head to winless Palixia.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 10 1 0 36 7 29 31 84
Rorysville 7 2 2 24 12 12 23 67
Spaam 6 2 3 25 12 13 20 68
Risa-Aramour 6 1 4 19 19 0 19 50
Vuam and Isma 5 2 4 18 13 5 17 58
Eseck 2 1 8 9 33 -24 7 21
Tocapa 1 3 7 14 27 -13 6 34
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 10 4 27 -22 3 13

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 11
4 Crewenna Roskelly 6
14 Mar'h Menadue 3
20 Eseld Retallack 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
2 Gorran Chegwidden 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4:0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2:2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1:0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0:2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6:0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2:0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2:2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3:2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2:1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam 1:3 Krytenia
11 Spaam 2:0 Tocapa
12 Eseck ?:? Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard ?:? Spaam
14 Spaam ?:? Vuam and Isma

12. Salmón **

2. Martínez **
21. Perea * => 3. Sergi (m.69)
22. Ibañez ***

8. Álava 0
6. Llano ***
10. Esquivel ***
18. Zeamendi ****

14. Istúriz 0
7. Maragall *****
20. Toledo **

--------------------------------------------------------

0. Martin St. Louis *

12. Titenburg **
18 Kries **
17 Walker **
13 Hardsworth **

9 Stone 0
22 Cuellar *
24 Swent **
32 Tatum **

7 Night ***
8 Zacharius ****



The crack
Maragall
And the poet sung! The Liminiana balompié striker made an exhibition of his great accuracy and technique, scoring two wonderful goals and disarming the elven defenders.


The dandy
Zacharius
The marauders forward was a constant danger for Tricolores defense. Luckily, he wasn't very accurate at shooting.

Not his day
Istúriz
Where was the young but sure NFCL striker. Nervous, making childish mistakes... He was an easy victim of ESF defenders.

The tough guy
Álava
His fight with Tatum and Hardsworth was absurd an a shame for international football.

Losing ground

It was one of the big matches of the group: Ariddia hosted Yafor 2 at Darras Olympic Stadium, near Rêvane. Yafor 2 is ranked thirty-five places lower than the Rouge-et-Noirs, but have been playing remarkably well and providing a real challenge for the top spot in Group 9. There is little risk of Ariddia not qualifying, but for now the competition is all about staying in the lead, and Ariddians are following their team’s progress with some excitement.

It was the Rouge-et-Noirs who scored the opening goal, but not before the thirty-eighth minute – an indication of their opponents’ skill. The Yaforites soon delivered an equaliser to Senaya’s goal, however, and by half-time it was one-all. Anything could still happen.

Jeanne Finnan, brought in to revitalise the team’s midfield, took Ariddia back into the lead in the fifty-seventh minute – a lead which evaporated again in the sixty-third. The Yaforites reacted immediately to each goal, but did not appear able to pull into the lead by themselves, and the game ended on a slightly frustrating draw.

“It was a fair result,” team captain Kyaw said. “They played well, and did what it took to prevent us from holding on to the lead.”

Elsewhere, Spruitland edged back up by beating Lylybium four-nil, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega lost to Harlesburg nil-one, Ropa-Topia secured a two-nil win over Commerce Heights JSY, but were eliminated all the same, and Uncle Pete, having lost to Sativaville one-three, are well and truly out.

Meanwhile, the Ariddian Football Association announced that they had decided to name a new stadium in honour of Errinundrian player ubhashinim, tragically killed in the Frosty Hollow disaster. Henceforth, the stadium in the western island of Ahwa’u will be known as ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium).

WARPLAND PATRIOT Warps, the time has come to overthrow the tyranny of the self-proclaimed football genius Tommy Barnes. How this man can remain as national manager after the disgrace in Jeruselem is beyond me.

Undergrounders, the man has no concept of Warpland nationalism whatsoever and his refusal to take account of the expressed wishes of the Warpland nation (at least those of us suffering under the oppression of the Went) and even the playing units themselves is an affront to the pure blood of the Warp.

Having had successes with Warp players why did he drop most of them and replace them with a total bunch of Crow-nies? None of them have any interest in the Warplands movement and Collins has even indulged in a flirtation with the universalist theo-crazy peddled by the hirsute abstainers and his mind is not of sufficient intellectual strength to adopt to the Warp. His cluelessness up front is in Stark contrast (heh heh).

And as for the failure to include Dave Savage at centre-half...words fail me. Lane and Moon were most un-Warp by going AWOL throughout the second half in trying to poach a goal back at corners. What were they doing there?

The pattern in the second half was totally shambolic. Where was the national Warp spirit? Why were players moving from the wing to the middle? Why was Cosmo Kent allowed to even play instead of Nasty Nick Starkey? Incidentally, I have not had a response from the Wentland board yet as to why they still play in grey when there's a colour clash when they should obviously adopt the black of the Warp. I would sue for lack copyright infringement if the Court system were not merely a tool of the Went to oppress the Warp.

The Wentland "spirit" was shown to be a sham when Jeruselem scored four goals without reply. I applauded, Stoners, I applauded, but the citizens in the Dog and Ferret were not Sympathetic and derided my expression of free will. I continued the intellectual discussion with the revolutionary pugilism tactics and woke up after the fourth had gone in. I assume that it was a typical Went defensive cock-up for which we should have nothing but contempt.

No, Separatists, the time has come. Barnes must go. Failure to qualify is incompatible with the Went. Remember, if it's not Warp, it's woof.

Sel Appa Loses Qualification chances with 2-0 defeat.

It was a stunning loss that sent Sel Appa reeling. The two goals scored by Iansisle were both in the first half. WARD Phil and MADIGAN Spencer scored within 10 minutes of each other at the 22nd and 32nd minuted respectively. At this point, The Turtles were dismayed at the deep loss. It didn't seem possible they would recover until ESTEVEZ and NART Alexander charged down the pitch in their usual duo format and ESTEVEZ had got the ball in, but it was declared offside. Full time was called with a scoreline at 2-0. The Turtles went home, unhappy that they would not qualify. The rest of the matches will help determine place in group as well as who qualifies, as in the Sel Appa-Aurendia match.

Sel Appa plays Tessan, McPsychoville, and finally Aurendia. Two of these may determine the qualifiers.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section: World Cup Qualifying Coverage

Stars Have Qualifying Future In Their Hands

You know, it's not often that the national team of the Allied States of the Lowland Clans has their qualifying future in their hands. Once upon a time, the idea of qualifying was merely practice as a lead up to the real deal, the World Cup. Now however, the Allied States have yet to qualify since World Cup 22, but now have a serious chance to win a spot in qualification. With their next two games against the teams to beat, the pressure is really rampping up. Manager Casey Dellet said in an interview with the EBC, that, "This really is our time to shine. We've put up good numbers so far, but we have to be able to beat Chicanada and Spaamanian Plijous." After talking with Captain Bloudin and veteran striker Jonathan Kavanagh, who has announced that this will be his last World Cup, the feeling was the same. A loss and they were out. Both stressed the need to play as hard as they could and to put themselves up. Mathematically, only wins would do, and hoping for a pretty enourmous crash by Chicanada, but then again, these things have known to happen.

But this Stars team is a real inspiration, not only because of the qualification chances, but because of the adversity they have faced. After the retirement of the beloved Tom Hall, the FFLC and Interim Head Daniel Davies' announced that due to the chaos spread by the Quirrith plague and the anarchist insurrection in the Legal Republic, that all home matches were to be played in Casari. Despite all of this, and the unceremonious sacking of the previous manager Oliver Doig and the promotion of Dellet after his excellent run in the AOCAF, the new team and the large following of Stars fans who've traveled to the land of alcoholism to see their team play, it has been a rising run. Certainly the Stars can be counted as underdogs, but that will be a refreshing change of label from chronic underachievers. So tomorrow begins the quest, three wins and were in!

"So, why haven't we qualified?" Hill said, staring at the tables in the newspaper.

"Well, it seems that there's some remote chance that we'll lose three in a row, Iansisle will win three in a row, and above that, cover a goal difference of thirteen to put them ahead of us." a minion said.

"Oh please. We're as good as qualified as it is." Hill said.

"Wait, is that all our RP is going to be today?" the minion asked.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I suppose."

"Good, now, go watch something blow up or something."

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSFemalesMedia.jpg

Unicorns Draw With One Red Dot

Queen Sonya Sabre sat alone drinking her double-latte. Perhaps it was time to trade it in for something stronger. The Unicorns had traveled to their closest competition in Group 11 - One Red Dot. The Unicorns could not seem to escape having to play the Wolves.

Luckily for the Unicorns, the offense was completely in top form again. 3 goals was more than an acceptable amount on the road. Unfortunately it was the defense that failed to make the trip as ORD scored three of their own to preserve a draw.

The three-headed monster did the job again for the Unicorns with Zana Jablon (23’), Avril Austral (48’) and Altáriël Telperiën (85‘) all scored. It has become almost normal for all three to score in more matches than not. Now if the defense can just hold up for any length of time we might make some real progress.

The draw keeps the Mystical Unicorns in control of Group 11’s third spot despite the fact that the squad had officially been eliminated from contention. TnUI and Fmjphoenix have already punched their tickets. One Red Dot remains 2 points back while Delaware is now 4 back of the third spot.

It looks as if the Mystical Unicorns will be relegated to playing in the Cup of Harmony once again. But this time we are going to win the damned thing.

The next match is a trip to The Colony of Delaware. We owe these guys for the loss they handed us at our place. Revenge will be sweet. Count on it.

Archregimancy Watch: Yes we are still watching your every move, boys.

The Monks dropped Demot 2-1 and thanks to the Quackers draw with Giant Zucchini, the Monks have regained the top spot for group 10. Now hopefully they can hang on to it this time.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg


This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Harlesburg.

With three of the final four matches on the road and the final two matches being against Magnus Velarius and New Montreal States a loss was the last thing that the Sea Dragons needed today. And with the opponent being Harlesburg, it was not expected. But that was exactly what happened as ASMV dropped the match 0-1 on the road.

No member of the Sea Dragons squad or staff were available for comment. It is rumored that the squad is now holding a midnight practice in the parking garage of their hotel. The only reporter who managed to get close enough to verify this fact is now in a local hospital with a broken jaw and at least two ribs smashed. Rumor has it that “Kneebreaker” caught him sneaking around and took out his frustration on the reporter. This has not been confirmed as of yet.

The loss does not put ASMV in a great spot. Yes, the Sea Dragons still sit atop group 12 but the hard part of the schedule is still to come. But first ASMV heads to Lexington SC where they will be looking to punish the cats after the horrid result today. LSC had better hope Micah Swift let out all of his frustration on the reporter and doesn’t hold some over to unleash on them.

NMS now sits just a point behind ASMV for the group lead. So much for the Paladin’s struggles. And the Boyers are just four points back. And surprisingly, Harlesburg is just three points back. This should be one hell of a race for the two qualification spots. ASMV must beat LSC in order to control their own destiny against the two other real contenders on the final two days.

Friends Watch

Cuation fell to Oliverry 0-3
Milchama beat Sliponia 3-0
Tadjikistan dropped the Ox boys 3-1
Ariddia drew with the mighty Yafor 2 2-2
D&S drew 3-3 with One Red Dot.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Well at least this time we didn't crash out on the last day. That's right Qazox in the middle of its worst qualifing campaign yet for the World Cup lost 3-1 to Tadjikistan earlier today offically eliminating the Black Oxen. Now the only thing left to play for these last three games is respect and pride. The way the Black Oxen have played these last three games however, I think that their pride is gone.

Goals: Tadjikistan: Tulberdiev(2) 24', 58'; Kirponos 85'
Qazox: LaTreque: 15'

Head Coach Juanita Graziani will step down after the final qualification game against Swilatia. The new Coach has not yet been picked. In other news, the following players have declared that after the Cup of Harmony, they will be retiring from international competition: (number of WCQ apperances)

GK- Reggie Hassok (WC 28-30 Qual)

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice (WC 27-30)
Jarod Megia (WC 27-30)
Joanne ‘Square’ Root (WC 27-30)

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason (WC 27-30)
Anthony Mason (WC 27-30)

WINGERS
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (WC 27-30)
Marie Goya (WC 27-30)
Rene LaTreque, (WC 30)


With these nine key players gone, the next roster for the Black Oxen will contain more 1st timers than ever excepting the World Cup 27 Qualifiers. Hopefully this youth movement will help the Black Oxen.

GREEN WOMBAT WORLD NEWS REPORT
Gawd-Dang it help us already!!!

We still have a shot even after 4 straight losses, the Zombie Womabts have a shot at Wordl Cup 30, but a very small one as they are 8 points behind NMS with 3 matches to go. At the beginning of qualifaction if I told you that with three games to go we'd still have a shot I'd be sent to Asylum or some place worse. The good news is the next three games are winable and GW could finish witha winning record for the 1st time since BOF27.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
Of all the Doritos in the world to eat, you had to eat mine.

By Monty Python

Uncle Pete beat again this time 3-1 as the Stoners stay alive in qualifaction and have just about clincheda top 4 spot as well. Up next is Becquerelia, who only needs a draw and a Vilita loss to clinch. If the Stoners win they will be 4 points back with only 2 to play, but anything but a win will eliminate them.

Aurendia Today - Friday Sports Briefs

Raptors eliminated following shutout to Casari

A 3-0 loss in Casari officially eliminated Aurendia from qualifying for World Cup XXX finals, with three games remaining.

Casari took control of the game early, scoring their first two goals within 20 minutes of the opening whistle. Nina Leir interrupted a clearing attempt for an easy goal in the 8th minute, and Anna Eri scored off a penalty kick in the 19th. The third goal was scored in the 63rd minute as Cid Awisan found Scott Edmonds open just inside the box.

Casari maintains first place in Group 3, but needs one more point to clinch qualification. The loss drops Team Aurendia to fifth in the group, with three more games to play. Remaining opponents for the Raptors are Tessan, McPsychoville, and Sel Appa.

Matchday 10 BazSports Report,Delayed Broadcast.

Matchday 10 saw plenty of action in Bazalonia both in Cantinople and Fauxhan. Cantinople saw the Bazalopes host the Rejistanian Orange-Blues in the CBBC Dome and the other piece of action in Bazalonia is the Storm named Petros.

The SeaBazalope Arena in Cantinople hosted the big-name of group 14, Rejistania. A tight match that ended up with a draw between the two teams brought the Bazalopes the crucial point in the battle to keep the Geisenfried national team at bay for the 2nd qualification spot. Which the Royal eagles stole ahead with a win against Champlaign.

The end result was 1-all. The Rejistanians coached by ex-Drago FC coach, Eric Frankton, took the first goal in the 35th minute. The Rejistanians took an oppurtunity and managed to penetrate the Bazalonian defense in a world-class manouver. It was detected by the defense but too late and number 20 Syku Lyku Desnike'tes took the ball and hammered it through to the net. Getting past Jeffery Constantine and taking the Orange-Blues one up.

It was not until the second half, where Peter Hobble bouyed by the home crowd manage to set up his own bit of his own trickery. In an attack that saw almost every Bazalonian Midfielder and Forward touch the ball it was an understated "Benny Boy" Peters that took the possetion and made it a goal. The rest of the match saw the two teams to and fro neither gaining any real dominace over the other.

Now you might ask firstly why this broadcast was firstly delayed and why the match was held in SeaBazalope Arena. Well the Answer was the weather system known as Petros. When it was first detected by the Bureau of Meterology it was predicted to approach Fauxhan. Not only did it approach Fauxhan it landed dead on target. Emergency broadcasts kept the residents of Fauxhan up to date and we can be thankful. There have been no reported deaths that have been linked to the sustained 65km winds with gusts of up to 105km.The hospitals have had their handfuls with a number of injuries, most minor but some of a more serious nature. No one is listed as life-threatened.

While the structural damage was much more significant, TeleBaz Stadium had received significant Damage, the BFSA has yet to comment on what will happen to TeleBaz but has confirmed that for the rest of the qualifiers home matches will be held at SeaBazalope Arena in Cantinople?

This has been A match day 10 delayed broadcast

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-line

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RODGER RIVER MAYOR COMMENTS STUN NATION

Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River): The mayor of Rodger River, reeada, left jaws agape throughout Errinundera today with some intemperate comments at the funeral of former football star and national team vice-captain, ubhashinim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim), held at the site of the recent collapse of MONDA. Speaking via loudspeakers to an estimated 350,000 people she noted that only 250,000 had attended the last rites of the city’s sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree). “This just goes to show that football stars are far more important than f**king sacred trees.”

The outburst was greeted with a mixture of cheers and boos from the crowd. It is widely seen as referring to the recent decision of the Sacred Tree Registry in Goongerah (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Goongerah), and affirmed by the national parliament in First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls), not to allow the city to name its new sacred tree after another former football hero, longipesp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Longipesp).

Reaction to the statement in other parts of Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) has been condemnatory, however in Rodger River the general feeling is that the mayor, a close friend of ubhashinim’s, allowed her grief to cloud her judgement. “I think what she says is right,” says woman about the skywalk, realytrully, “it’s just not appropriate at a funeral.”

The Protector of Sacred Trees, poplecti, is not nearly as conciliatory. “That woman ought to be run out of the country. Not content to commit a sly travesty by trying to capitalise a human name, an honour only given to sacred trees, she now ranks these trees below humans.”

Magistrate here in Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo), snapisnapiestest, feels that poplecti is himself out of line. “Errinundera ([URL="http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) allows complete freedom of speech. reeada is completely within her rights to describe a sacred tree in whatever way she likes. In any case, using capital letters is only a written formality. MONDA is pronounced MONDA and longipesp is pronounced longipesp regardless of whether they are spelt with capitals or not.”

IT’S LEECH TIME AGAIN

Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo): It’s the best time of the year at our tree village on the plateau. The rain is getting heavier, the mud oozier and the forest steamier. Yes! The spring leech festival and blood sucking competition is here. Mayor globin is thrilled with the crowds for the three-day festival. “I think the new event has captured the nation’s imagination. Best Genetic Modification to a Leech has brought out some amazing entries.”

The mayor is correct. The crowd and judges were unanimous in their opinion that the inaugural award should go to the Goongerah (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Goongerah) Faunatech for their striped leech. It was white except for a single green stripe and a single brown stripe – the national colours. A representative from the Faunatech said they were hoping to develop the type further by having the southern sassafras seedling, as displayed on the national flag, also appearing.

Another favourite was the two-headed leech from the University of First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls). “Our intention was to enter this leech in the main competition,” says playgod, a scientist from the university. “Unfortunately, the two heads can suck blood quicker that its body can process it so they tend to explode which is strictly against the rules and in contravention of our vegetarian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Vegetarianism_in_Errinundera) principles.”

The main competition was won by 9-year-old frenzi from nearby Lilly Pilly Creek for the second year running, this time with a leech named Sooty. Unlike most competitors who attach the leech to their neck, frenzi prefers her lower lip. This unorthodox move certainly worked for her: Sooty achieved a diameter of 115 millimetres.

CULTURAL SHOCK IN THE LOWLAND CLANS

Graham City (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lowland_Clans#Major_Cities): The national football team, still reeling from the death of teammate ubhashinim, had further shocks in store when they visited The Lowland Clans (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lowland_Clans) for their latest World Cup xXx qualifying match.

Acting captain, lúthient, said the team found the society and its customs difficult to cope with, although their friendly hosts went out of their way to look after them. “We visited the capital, Graham City. Even though it has a population of 310 million the only green things we saw on the entire trip were the pictures of little running men that were used as decorations on poles all over the place. Every now and then the green men changed to little red men standing still. We never figured out what it all meant. Moving around the city was dangerous with all the weapons trying to run people down or attacking them with their poison gas tubes. I’ve never been in a war zone before. Our guides called them cars and tried to re-assure us they weren’t weapons. We weren’t convinced but were grateful for their instructions on when it was safe to move.”

The potoroos, wishing to sample the local cuisine, were taken to a restaurant called Fast Joe’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lowland_Clans#Key_Companies). There they were served large brown-black objects with what looked suspiciously like blood coming out of them. When told that these were 'T-bone steaks' and came from cows several members of the team were sick. The hosts were unfazed when advised that Errinundrians were strict vegetarians (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Vegetarianism_in_Errinundera) and replaced the steaks with more strange looking food announced as 'vegie burgers'. lúthient asked what they consisted of. “The waiter said bread, although we didn’t recognise it as such, lettuce, sauce and processed vegetable protein. We weren’t too sure about the 'processed' bit after our experience with the steaks but they were filling."

The team lost to The Lowland Clans (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lowland_Clans) 2-nil. The result means the potoroos cannot reach the first round of the Cup.

3 Goals Send Cuation Out


Once again, Cuation have not qualified, four defeats, one an upset and two draws against Lisburn seeing Cuation fall too far behind. The manager will no doubt refresh the squad with new faces for the next world cup and will hopefully manage to ensure less defeats though the win against the Stars showed great potential.

Here is the moment when Cuation went out:

Cuation are pushing forward, even Hargreves is over the half way line as Giovanni's stray pass sells Neville short to the advantage of Julien Dionne.

"Giovanni back to Neville... oh but it has fallen to Dionne who is bursting down the flank with Cuation caught out. Can Oliverry add the final nail in the coffin? Dionne is heading towards the by-line now."

Outnumbered 5-3, the centre backs stayed in the box to mark the three strikers. Dionne looked up and spotted Antoine Larocque unmarked.

"Dionne plays it into the box and plays it too the far post. Jude comes for it but it falls to the unmarked Larocque! It’s over the keeper and in! Fantastic header, Jude came and spread himself but the ball was flicked over his head and dropped in. It is all over now, Cuation are out!"


The unmarked Larocque would never have missed the header without pressure so Jude have advanced to put him off, making himself big in the hope that the striker would panic. The header was brilliant, just dipping under the bar.

In the end, Cuation where just not good enough and must now just try to get some momentum going to enter the Cup of Harmony. Dominated from start to finish, they seemed too paralysed to go forward but proved strong in the defence.

A five man defence held strong with Hargreves acting as a shield in the centre but if more then one Oliverry player went out wide then the Cuation full backs struggled a little as Milnar and Giovanni are not the best at defending.

Oliverry should have been ahead in the tenth minute when a free kick was given out on the right. Aiden Hunt played it early to send Tristan Cloutier clear on goal, his low shot produced an excellent one hand save by the advancing Jude, William Jones was first to the rebound but failed to get it under control properly, his shot too close to the recovering Jude, the keeper tipping it over the bar.

With the defence constantly repelling efforts, Cuation where clearly under siege and they could have gone in level at half time but one moment of brilliance ensured Oliverry got a deserved lead. In the 37th minute, Nathan Miller won the ball off Fallen and hit a sweet shot from 30 yards, right into the bottom corner, the keeper no chance to stop it.

Cuation, in the second half, started to push forward but never looked like getting the goal they needed and only the quick reactions of Jude prevented a miss-hit Julien Dionne cross from ending up as a goal. A good team like Oliverry know how to attack and play both pretty and ugly.

A long ball from Noah Hill was flicked on by Tristan Cloutier, his strike partner William Jones out muscling Cheese and driving the ball under the dive of young Jude Tanner to make it 2-0, a Cuation type goal that seemed to mock the home team.

Keane, Mendiz and Anderton came on but to no real effect, a 90th minute header by Larocque giving the game a fair result. Cuation will be so disappointed to have not come closer or to have a created a chance but Oliverry at such a good team.

Az-cz Scroll
Alasdair I Frosticus
Em-Nm

Pinkos continue to score on pornstars

Once again Az-cz found a way to victory when playing the team in their group closest to them in rank, Alasdair I Frosticus, this time with a 3-1 victory.
The game started out quickly as Andronicus Curcuaso put a goal home for the home team in the fifth minute. He was set up by a suprisingly good cross from Pussy Willow.
However that was all the action the home team was going to get on the night as the Az-cz team quickly put them in their chastity belt, so to speak.
Not suprisingly the players most involved in this were the key players on the team Zax-Im and Pizelkaxrovsky. Zax-Im locked down the back of the defense and Pizelkaxrovsky set up the goals.
The equalizer came in the thirty third minute with the most effective Az-cz tandem Pizelkaxrovsky to Kn-Dg slipping in again.
And they weren't done yet. They managed to penetrate a second time just before the end of the first half to give the Gnomes the lead. After recieving the ball from Hubertino, Pizelkaxrovsky wove through the ladies in the Alasdair I Frosticus midfield before slotting the ball to Kn-Dg to go ahead in the 44th minute.
In the second half Pizelkaxrovsky again contributed a beautiful pass to set up a goal, but this time it came in getting the other winger involved. Bn-Dg became the third body in the threesome in the 71st minute when he blasted the ball past Huang Hau Loh.
From there Levesque really tightened the screws by bringing in At-Zm for Uz-Gz and Lo-Ro for Bn-Dg. With the defense lined up Alasdair I Frosticus simply didn't have the potency to break through and find any more offense.
Az-cz now has their match against Nedalia. With things being in the state they are, the team is mostly hoping to avoid any more incidents.

Stats

Goals Az-cz 3 Alasdair I Frosticus 1
Az-cz scorers 33,44 Kn-Dg 71 Bn-Dg
Possession Az-cz 62% Alasdair I Frosticus 38%
Shots Az-cz 14 Alasdair I Frosticus 7
Corners Az-cz 0 Alasdair I Frosticus 0

MC: Here we are with the three people that come here most often. Coach Levesque, Captain Zax-Im and Man of the Match Pizelkaxrovsky. Hopefully I'll get to say those words a few more times.

Levesque: Well we held off AIF again. I guess we're a perfectly consistent team. Good enough to beat teams worse than us but not good enough to beat teams better than us. It could well be my fault. We'll find out soon enough.

<Hush through the crowd>

Az-cz Reporter 1: We'll find out soon enough? What does that mean?

Levesque: It obviously means that this isn't going to be a long time gig. When I came back I was pretty confident that I was going to go back to an advisory role after this round of qualifiers. After coming this far in qualifying, that's definitely the case.

Az-cz reporter 2: If the team earns a bid to the Cup of Harmony, will you continue on with the team?

Levesque: Yes, I will. That would be the last tournament I'd manage the Az-cz team.

Az-cz reporter 3: Pizelkaxrovsky, do you have any comments on Alasdair I Frosticus today?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Yeah. They're a lot more fun to play than those damned bastards from Anathematic Republics.

Az-cz reporters 4: Considering the events that happened the last time you played Nedalia what do you think is in store for next game.

Levesque: Well we've been promised a neutral venue so I'm expecting a regular game of football.

Az-cz reporter 5: You said you'd look into lineup changes after this game? What do you think you will do?

Levesque: I'm going to use the games against Nedalia and Bedistan to test out young players to try to set up the team for future cups. Against San Haven, I'm going to cap players who won't get another shot at this stuff. That's the plan at this point.

Az-cz reporter 6: If you won't be coaching next world cup, do you know who will?

Levesque: Nope. I'm going to be involved in the selection process but we don't have a coach selected yet. We do have some candidates in mind, both Az-czid and non Az-czid alike.

Az-cz reporter 7: Zax-Im, what's the mood of the team at this point?

Zax-Im: Well happy that we found a way to win again. At this point we're just enjoying these last games. Fortunately the last three games are set up nicely in that two are games we're expected to lose so there's no pressure and the third is against a far inferior opponent, so we ought to win. The sad part is that today's game was the last time the whole Baptism of Fire team was together, barring a Cup of Harmony invitation.

MC: Alright, last question

Az-cz reporter 8: What are your expectations for these last three games?

Levesque: My main expectation is effort. I'm hoping my old men can bring me home three points against San Haven. Other than that my expectations are to enjoy some football and see how the big dogs do it.

"We have a problem." Nick Reagan said in his office inside the walls of Fillmore National Stadium.

"What would that be?" Carpenter asked, leaning back in a chair.

"Well, everyone seems apathetic to the whole thing. Noone's interested in the matches. We don't even mention the match in all our thuroughly pointless Roleplays for this thing."

"Well, that's simple. It's just not worth the effort."

"Explain."

"Ok. We have a match. If noone bitches about the score, we have to go through, pick their scorers, we have to pick who to give cards to, what happened, who got shot down on the pitch... and then we make another dull match report. Why even bother with that, when we can just come up with pointless random crap that's either good or not, which noone bothers to read anyway, by the way, take the bonus, and walk?"

Reagan considered this for a minute. "That's a good point. So we have pointless RPs because... it's easier?"

"Damn right. Why try to come up with some kind of artistic masterpiece for matches against teams with half a KPB point? I mean, I barely even remember the names of my own players for those match reports anyway. In fact, I bet you could steal match reports from others, change the names and the title, and use it over, and noone would care."

"Well, that's probably a bit extreme."

"Not a bit. I'm one hundred percent confident that it would work perfectly."

"Would you try it?"

Carpenter shook her head. "Hell no, you'd have to be a bit of a wank to do that. We'll just go, rant about supposed secret plans to kidnap people and stuff like that, put on a halfassed show, collect the points and move on."

"Well... I can't necessarily agree with your attitude... but you are right."

"Thank you. I'll see you later, Nick, we need to go practice."

[OOC: Sorry, I just couldn't resist. :D]

(ooc: Best Rp Eva!)

OOC:

Sorry for the crappy post, but I'm going to a party. :P

IC:

The Isangrad Times

Green Wombat Trounced
Boyars Exact Revenge For MD4 Draw on MD12

Finally, the Boyars have triumphed over the blood-sucking beasts known as wombats! These evil players from the Green Wombat have stolen some key points from the Boyars and our Orthodox Brothers in the New Montreal States (although they suffered quite less from it). While the Boyars begin to go on a roll, somethings seem certain: Magnus Valerius will likely be in at least third place if things go well for the Boyars. And, Cup of Harmony will be no problem for the Boyars as well if they can't edge out New Montreal States from its comfortable position on the charts.

After easy wins in the previous two matchdays, Magnus Valerius was determined to make that a three-day winning streak as the Boyars shipped out to head over to the territory of the Green Wombats. The Wombats were on a decline from their previous high-and-mighty status as the second of the group, which is what people in Magnus Valerius and NMS are celebrating about so far. However, the road is not over yet, and Magnus Valerius needed this win to stay in serious competition.

As the game started, the Green Wombats came out aggressively, like those little blood-sucking buggers do, and made three goal attempts in the first 20 minutes. But they could not expect a charged Gustav Sibel after his one-day suspension, and the goalkeep knocked out hopes for the Green Wombat to gain an early lead on the Valerians. The rest of the game was histoty.

Final Score

Green Wombat 0:2 Magnus Valerius

Scorers


George Illyanich - 1 (36)
Gannibal Ioannidis - 1 (71)

THE GROUP STANDINGS


Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 11 8 1 2 28 7 25 +21
New Montreal States 11 7 3 1 27 7 24 +20
Harlesburg 11 7 1 3 16 15 22 +1
Magnus Valerius 11 6 3 2 25 13 21 +12
Green wombat 11 5 1 5 15 20 16 -5
Lexington SC 11 4 0 7 16 25 12 -9
Horgate 11 1 1 9 2 20 4 -18
Carvalo 11 0 2 9 7 29 2 -22


Boyar Top Scorers!

G. Illyanich - 8
J. d'Anjou - 3
K. Feodorov - 3
K. von Stoffel - 3
G. Ioannidis - 2
Y. Bashkirsky - 1
I. Mendeleev - 1
J. Song - 1
B. Ungvar - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 0:0
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1
MD7.5: Friendly games
MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC --- W 4:0
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:2
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States @ Immortal City Field in Tabriz
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

To xXx or not to xXx

With World Cup 30 Qualifying entering the deciding stage, the Spruitland Wabbits have finally managed to squirm into a top two position. They did that by doing what they had to do: win convincingly against one of the group’s bottom feeders, Lylybium. Both Dirk Jools and Chico Provoost netted two goals each, and both strikers were eagerly trying for a hattrick, but 4-0 remained the final score.

And that was all that was needed to move up a spot, because Ariddia and Yafor 2 were facing each other, ensuring one of them would lose points. As it turned out, they both did, coming away with a point each, and making the top three in Group 9 as tight as a camel’s ass in a sandstorm.

With three matches to play, against Rordia, Ariddia and Yafor 2, the Wabbits have by far the toughest schedule of the three teams still fighting for the top two spots, but at least they have their faith in their own hands. Coach Cor Bensen remains quietly confident of the outcome, but SFA President Martin Backer can already see dark clouds on the horizon.

“This is just silly,” a clearly frustrated Backer says. “We’ve been playing attractive football, we’re undefeated – only a handful of teams can claim the same. We should’ve been certain of qualification already by now. Yet there’s a good chance we won’t qualify and Yafor 2 will. That would be a national disaster.”

“I’m confident that we’ll make it,” says team captain and goalkeeper Simon Briers. “Not to put too fine a point on it, but… the referees of our remaining matches might want to keep in mind that if Spruitland fails to qualify for the World Cup, it won’t just affect our fans, it’ll affect everyone. Because that would mean that our nude chearleader squad will be out of work suddenly. And they could really brighten up the Finals. That trick they do with the horse will send the ratings through the roof, I swear.”

Somewhere in the world the former lead singer of Herman's Hermits was prowling through cyberspace. He was particularly keen on seeing how his favourite Wentland team was doing in the World Cup xXx. "They're into something good," he thought when they went into 2nd place but when they dropped to 3rd he sadly realized that the king had lost his crown.

He was going to write a really stiff letter, on cardboard, when the scorinator had Jeruselem win by four clear goals. But then he saw something that confused him.


"Well, everyone seems apathetic to the whole thing. Noone's interested in the matches. We don't even mention the match in all our thuroughly pointless Roleplays for this thing."

Well, that's confusing. I'm interested in the matches so they won't roleplay them?


"Ok. We have a match. If noone bitches about the score, we have to go through, pick their scorers, we have to pick who to give cards to, what happened, who got shot down on the pitch... and then we make another dull match report.
Oh, so I have to bitch about the score, do I?

Why even bother with that, when we can just come up with pointless random crap that's either good or not, which noone bothers to read anyway, by the way, take the bonus, and walk?"

Eh?

What was more, Peter Noone seemed to have the most appalling sense of deja vu.

The End of a Journey

KINGSTON, SCHIAVONIA - Here in Schiavonia, everything is quiet. A few cars travel up and down streets, and people eat in resteraunts. Everyone is preparing for the party that is about to descend upon the country - the joint hosting of the World Cup. It will be a great time to be in the country or its hosting partner the Isles of Qutar, and it will be packed full of enthusiasts. But for some, the party will not be so sweet. For some, they will miss out on enjoying the party from the perspective of a player by only a few points.

Group 9 is one of the groups that looks to be decided on the last day. Originally, everybody picked the top two ranked teams in the group to advance. These are the 16th ranked team in the world, Arridia, and the 20th, Spruitland. Both have a flourishing football/soccer tradition and both are very experienced in playing the sport. Most people discounted the perennial failiures, 55th ranked Yafor 2 and 68th ranked Rordia as out. However, it has not totally shaped itself out that was as we go into the final two matchdays.

As we advance further into the qualifing rounds, it becomes increasingly clear that everything all of the top teams do changes their hopes of qualification. In Group 9, Arridia lead, with 25 points. Spruitland close next, with 24, and Yafor 2 bring up the rear of competitors, with 23. Rordia are hanging on (though barely) with 18. Each win, each draw, looks to change the fate of billions. People crowd near their radios, televisions sets, and so forth, just to see who will qualify. And who will?

Arridia are an experienced, skilled, squad. One of the earlier participants in the World Cup, a few cups ago, they mounted a come-back and have been climbing ever since. Their culture is based around the culture of other perennial super-powers and they look upon the other teams as ones much better. Entering the group, they rode a wave of being the highest ranked team in the group, but they have handled it with skill and dexterity. Of all of the top three teams, they have the easiest schedule, face two exceptionally lowly-ranked teams, though they do face Spruitland as well.

Spruitland came about their country's name in a very amusing way. It is a story that is often recited all across the world in bars and night clubs, but may not be suitable for a family newspaper, or the sports page. Nonetheless, if the people in Spruitland are known for something, it is certainly soccer/football. Though they have never reached the final of the World Cup, they are often in the thick of things, ready to fight off anyone else with experience and skill. They have the thoughest schedule of the top three, facing Arridia, Yafor 2, and Rordia.

Yafor 2 were the Cup of Harmony 17 winners in Praying2God, but have not accomplished anything but a Cup of Harmony final defeat since then. Though not reknowned for their losing abilities, they have been voted the "New Hypocria" in the past, by a panel of experts from Milchama. Thus, they go into the final games with fate seemingly against them. Their toughest game is against Spruitland, but they most likely may mess up somewhere else in there as well.

It is not clear who will win the group, only that, in the end, it will certainly go down to the wire.

From a private blog

Haxada impeached - and what that means for me

The Supreme Court of Rejistania today declared that the attempts to replace Eric Frankton, the bazalonian coach of the rejistani national soccer team, and instead install Laksu Kynsu were unconstitutional. This of course led to karelan "counter-attacks". Keva was angry about "all that fuss about this little affair" and feared for the reputation of Rejistania abroad. Mava couldn't care less about what people think in a nation she would never go to but considered it good that the secularists cared so much for the democracy. Mava and Keva of course had a big discussion about that. I left the room and went to Kansu's. Unfortunately the Kansu's also had a discussion, but Hikim and her brother Lea had better things to do. Like to watch the match of the Orange-Blues. When Geisenfried took the lead, the curses were heard all over the ken-te and I guess even all over the nation. Fortunately, the two Syku Lyku's played together in the attack and their 3 goals meant the win for the Orange-Blues. No, I have no idea which Syku Lyku scored which goal. In halftime, they showed the rejistanian lentine'het meeting to elect a new High-Priest. The Karelans have of course good chances with Msena, but countless other candidates are running.

RP Cutoff for Matchday 12!

Scores for MD12 can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11631407#post11631407)

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/vn13.gif

Old Foe Held in first Draw
- Two Wins from Two Games needed now for Jungle Cats -

The Tropics of Vilita Jungle Cats; in what can almost assuredly be described as an encouraging statement in preparation for a run for the Triple-X of Harmony title with the monumental task ahead of them following the embarrassing two goal defeat to unranked Giant-Killers Sashonska have held old foe Squornshelous to a two-all draw at the Lirai Asku Castle in Yeaddin, Vilita tonight in front of a full capacity crowd and a closed-circuit broadcast back to the nation of Squornshelous.

The Vilitans looked bright from the start of the match, having a goal called back for offside and earning 6 corners in the opening half hour. However, it was Squornshelous who struck first, netting against the run of play through as a Vilitan defender clumsily conceded a penalty thinking the referees whistle had already been blown in an awkward situation that most of the attendees are not entirely certain to this moment how it actually occured. Regardless of the cause, the outcome was always certain as the highly experienced Goran Syvatov stepped up and made no mistake to the keepers left hand post and into the back of the net to give the visitors the one goal advantage.

Vilita would strike back however, just before the break a lovely ball over the top that the Vilitan striker was able to cut back into the middle, completely losing his lone marker and cooly rounding the keeper to the relief of the home support to send the scores level into the break. Vilita, whos all or nothing approach to the cup saw them without a single draw so far in the competition, came out flying again in the second half and took the lead just before the hour off a redirected corner kick that surprised the opposition keeper Purcell. But i was just minutes later that the match turned after a clumsy challenge in the center of the park saw a five-minute saga that will be long remembered by all those in attendance and on the pitch. The Vilitan midfielder, who had already been booked in the match, came in studs up bringing down substitute World Cup Qualifying debutant Haraldur Sanguine who rightfully riled in pain against the turf. The obvious free-kick had already been awarded before the Saga took a different twist. Referee Grm-Pol of Az-Cz failed to show the Vilitan a deserved second yellow card when conveniently situated Squornshelous, passionately irate, confronted the inexperienced referee with heated words which had to be cooled by goal scorer Syvatov, and then Grm-Pol inexplicitly called the Vilitan midfielder back over and showed him his second yellow card, but the expected red was no where to be found.

Seemingly unaware and extremely anxious to restart the match, Isha Bergen took the free kick which resulted in no more than a Vilitan goal kick. However, not five minutes later Squornshelous head coach Marko Antropov received word from his nations press box that the closed-circuit feed being broadcast back to Squornshelous was reporting that the Vilitan midfielder booked in the free-kick saga should have been sent off after being booked early in the first half, yet was never orderd off the pitch by Grm-Pol. Antropov quickly lept into action, unable to get the Az-Cz referees attention, instead began shouting at the Spruitish fourth official, Louis Krijt. A cold shoulder and two talk-to-the-hands later, Assistant Manager Andreev had had enough. Trailing by a goal with 20 minutes to play, an already Irate Andreev snatched the fourth officials board and began typing numbers into it randomly to get the referees attention. Andreev, being a heavily trained masculine Squornshelousian, was easily able to fend off the feeble attempts of the fruity Spruit trying to retake possession of his board, and finally, Grm-Pol realized what was happening and rushed over to the sidelines. Without hesitation, Grm-Pol flashed his red card, but not at the Vilitan Midfielder. It was Andreev who had his marching orders and the Spruitish linesman who had his board back.

Finally within shouting distance however, as things calmed (relatively) - Squornshelous' Marko Antropov was able to relay his concern to the Az-Cz referee, and ten minutes after the fact, the Vilitan midfielder was finally making his way down to the tunnel.

Switching to a defensive formation to preserve their one goal lead, the Vilitan held on strong for fifteen minutes before finally being cracked, and the all-or nothing Jungle Cats had to settle for a little bit of the middle, coming through with a strong, but oddly circumstanced 2-2 draw with group leaders Squornshelous.

As if the bottom half of the scheduled couldn't get any tougher, the Jungle Cats will close out their campaign with a winnable home match against Sativaville, before a winner take all brawl in Becquerelia with a place in the World Cup finals at stake, if Vilita can overcome lower ranked Sativaville on matchday 13, and Becquerelia be unable to crack group leaders Squornshelous on the same day.


Final Score: Vilita [ 2 - 2 ] Squornshelous

Wabbits cutting it close

Spruitland - Rordia: 1 - 1

It’s in the Spruitlander’s nature to do just enough to get the job done, and nothing more. Why waste countless hours studying for a test to get an A, if you can get a C by skimming through the material in the morning on the bus to school? Why work up an indigestion reading War and Peace, if you can find the cliff notes in any library or – better yet – watch the Audrey Hepburn movie? The Spruitlander does not wish to excel, he merely wishes to get by with as little effort as possible.

Perhaps that’s what happened Saturday night, in the Wabbits’ Qualifying match against Rordia. In football though, that’s a dangerous game to play.

With three matches to go, the Wabbits were looking at needing seven points from those matches to nail a top two spot. And with the first of those matches being the easiest, at home against Rordia, the logical thing to do would be to get the three points and keep a little margin of error for the later matches. But, no, who needs a margin of error, who needs breathing space? Not the Wabbits, surely.

Undoubtedly it wasn’t a conscious decision the players made. Not like they got up in the morning and collectively decided to play for a draw. But when Dirk Jools scored that early goal, you could just feel the entire team switch to their usual chill-mode. Stay cool, bro, just play the ball around and see what happens. No rush, we’re in the lead. A hasty man drinks his tea with a fork, dude.

But of course, as so often happens when you’re coasting on a one-nil lead and you get no lucky goal along the way, the hammer landed on the Wabbits foot three minutes before the end of the match. An opportunistic long ball was deflected by a random bodypart, found its way into the box, and the lone Rordian striker managed to get his foot against it before any of the Spruitland defenders could react. 1-1, and the Wabbits were no longer chillin’.

For the first time in this Qualifying campaign, the nude Wabettes skipped their post-match dance act, and the crowd silently left the stadium, realizing the road to World Cup Triple X just lost its pavement and gained a crapload of potholes, while the route to the Cup of Harmony suddenly became a seven lane highway. The Wabbits will need two wins now in their remaining matches, anything less will probably not suffice.

With Spruitland so close to failing to qualify for the first time since World Cup 23, their very first participation, the criticism of Cor Bensen’s choice of players is resurfacing. The average age of the players, some of which were actually a part of the team that won the Baptism of Fire, before World Cup 23, is thought to be way too high for modern day’s fast paced football.

“What a load of crap,” 36-year old Dirk Jools replies to that. “Sure, I may no longer be able to reach my toes with my fingertips, but I’m still young where it counts. During this qualifying campaign, I nailed every single one of those cheerleaders, all twelve of them. Four of them just last night. I can show you the video if you don’t believe me.”

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza's Yap Up - 3th of September, 2006

He ho, readers. You missed THE FOOTBALL LIFE because your kids wanted to go watch some movie? Don't worry, Dazza will fill in all the details right here.

Firstly, Jeruselem keep on winning boys and girls (men and women if you prefer). We just about ended the hopes of the Islanders today. We know United Island Empires are tough team to beat as they have been challenging for a while but they needed a win NOW. However, Jeruselem don't give away games like that - and not today either. We beat the Islanders TWO ONE and they are now 8 points behind us - yes 8 points, about three wins. Our win actually pushed us into TOP SPOT above Cataduanes on goal difference. For the record, Wentland are 4 points ahead of the Islanders.

Great game today - we played better against the Wentland team but 3 points is 3 points. And just look at our goals conceded, just eight. You can see why we are so good - you must score against us as we score goals.

BIG GAME, Wentland vs Cataduanes. Cataduanes needed a win to stay top while chasing Wentland needed the win to catch us. You wouldn't know it - it was draw! Oh yes, 2 ALL. Now, we wanted the Cataduanes to win as a Wentland win is not helpful for us. Actually, the draw really helped us into TOP SPOT and pushed Cataduanes to 2nd on goal difference. Actually, quality game from these teams and both teams played really well. The result as fitting and we are happy at the result anyway. Wentland 4 points behind us now, which is a big buffer for two game left - w00t!

Now the "crap teams". The Greatest Crap played like crap again. Rival crap team the Oakies beat them TWO NIL, and well - both teams are on four points. Yes, it looks like either the Oakies or Crap team will be going home with a wooden spoon! I think Oakies are trying harder to not the crappier team.

At least, they have points! Jeruselem scored one draw in World Cup XI - 1 point. The rest were losses - so the bottom aren't that bad but they aren't good either.

Delesa, the wheels have fallen off into the creek and the car exploded. They got HAMMERED into the field SIX ONE by the Women's World Cup IV hosts, the Frenchies. Yes, SIX ONE. I don't know but the Delesans should be watching Jeruselem team videos not the ones by the Greatest Crap. Heck, if we beat them by that score - it's OK, but losing to the Frenchies that way is disgraceful. Marceau State are still fifth but this should help them for their hosting of the Women's World Cup IV, but we'll be there to show how things should be done.

Yafor 2 took back 2nd spot from the Bunnies. Lisa's team had a narrow win over Nouvelle Angleterre, TWO ONE. Group 9 is really really tight with the top 3 one win from each other. Arridia, Yafor 2 and Spruitland fighting over two spots. Only two games to decide the unlucky loser - which is sad fact we have unlucky teams in the World Cup. Jeruselemites - cheer the Yaforites on.

Once again, if Jeruselem trash Giant Zucchini then so do Hockey Canada. The giant veges rarely beat us and they rarely beat the Canucks as well! The Canucks put the giant veges in the mixer on maximum speed and well, minced them so badly. Canucks win FIVE NIL but are still 3rd. We think they will their remaining two games but the other top 2 must trip over to surrender their positions. Cheers for the Canucks, Jeruselem fans - just do it.

Last we have the Lions! For the record, the Bedistan Lions won but it's the Nedalian Lions we want to see. A team called AZ-CZ (not a gun or bonb OK?) drew with our Lions but we're not worried. Yes, the two Lions teams lead the way and we totally expect Bedistan to be the TOP CAT and Nedalia 2nd. However, two games left and Nedalia might do it's tricky falling over at the wrong time thing. This time - we hope they don't. We want Nedalian Lions not Nedalian cats.

Oh, Rachel is out of hospital and looking well despite a patch in her hair from the stiches. That's why she wore a hat today, because girls don't like bald patches in their hair - the same applies to the guys - we understand the embarassment. She's OK otherwise and that patch will be gone - in a few weeks. Oddly she wore a Beret ... must be fond of Marceau state!

Looking at the table for Group 8 - Jeruselem and Cataduanes smiling as the top 2. Wentland 3rd and only real threat now and Islanders need God's help. Jeruselem last two games don't feature any of the top 4 (apart from ourselves). It's Wentland who need to go ALL OUT for big wins and hope the little fellas try to win a game.

Want to watch the THE FOOTBALL LIFE because you missed it. Get JGN cable and get it all. Discounted now. Do it, millions of Jeruselemites say JGN cable is so much better than free to air. If you're out in the desert, we have JGN Satellite. Yes, we try to cover all sorts for our soccer coverage or we try to anyway. Yo, two more match days for the free wedding competition. Stop slacking and get your partner into it - get married at our cost because we love our viewers and readers so you can love one another too.

Sweet dreams! Watch for our special outfits for the last two match days, because you want to.

Group 8
Cataduanes 2 - 2 Wentland
United Island Empires 1 - 2 Jeruselem
The Greatest Crap 0 - 0 Marion Oaks 2
Delesa 1 - 6 Marceau State


Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 12 9 2 1 29 8 21 29
Cataduanes 12 9 2 1 29 15 14 29
Wentland 12 8 1 3 23 16 7 25
United Island Empires 12 7 0 5 18 10 8 21
Marceau State 12 6 0 6 21 21 0 18
Delesa 12 3 1 8 12 19 -7 10
Marion Oaks 2 12 1 1 10 10 31 -21 4
The Greatest Crap 12 1 1 10 5 27 -22 4


Group 9
Nouvelle Angleterre 1 - 2 Yafor 2

Group 10
Hockey Canada 5 - 0 Giant Zucchini

Group 13
San Haven 1 - 2 Bedistan
Nedalia 2 - 2 Az-cz

"Have you ever noticed something?" stated Peter Hobble in his Geseinfried Hotel room after the match against Geisenfried
"What?" said his friend and fellow Bazalonian Striker Irchov Michael, before addinf "And don't say nothing either."

"I wasn't Mike, what I was going to say is you know all these people that commenting and complaining that it is too had to 'RP' matches and that people just don't care."

"I've heard some Bedistanis and Wentlanders comment on it."

"Yeah, well have you realised that our RP's are actually a day behind? Ever since that storm hit Fauxhan.. Petros. The RP in Matchday 11 was about matchday 10 and this Matchday 12 RP is about Matchday 11."

"Speaking of MD11, What was the result?"

"Uh, Michael, you where there you play, you got 2 of the 5 goals. Champlaign 0, Us 5. I got the other three. HATTRICK"

"Yeah, yeah we all know you're uber mr Wolfman."

"Hey, I'm not a wolf anymore. At least that my Wolfman RP arc had something to do with the matches. The Milchaman's RPs forced me to play in their match against Elrich. Hence being bitten by that loathsome creature number 666. I'm glad those days are behind me."

"Yes, yes. We've heard this story thousands of times before Getting bittenm by a wolf in the 2nd last match in the CoH, by the Elrichian Wolfman... Going into the DI tearing up the place, blah blah blah... Getting exercised by the Monks of the Archregimancy. Yadda Yadda."

"O poor Mr 'I haven't got my own RP arc yet'. Anyway it's spells exorcism and 2 At least I have a real name and not someone just making IRC into a russian name."

Neil Kabants walked in on the two and yelled at the players. "I didn't get this job to listen to you guys blather on. Have you forgotten we've just played a TEAM game against GESIENFRIED? In which the result was...."

.............

Meanwhile back over the straight in Bazalonia after the Sub Tropical Storm Petros had dissappated. The BFSA, primarily it's President JAmes Gaines had a press conference.

"Thank you all for coming, As you might guess I'm here to discuss the future of TeleBaz Stadium which along with many other structures and homes in Fauxhan is in significant need of repair as a result of that sub-tropical storm Petros. Taking into consideration our Bid for the 31st World Cup it has been decided that major upgrades will occur nation-wide through-out the 8 major soccer fields, including Trevton City Enclosed Field a combined effort of the BFSA and Trevton City Council. Every single field will be upgraded by the BFSA in the recent money that had come in from hosting the AOCAF, the BoF and the recent Semi-final acheivement in the Cup of Harmony. These expansions will help Bazalonia cement itself as a name in international soccer."

"What do you have to say to those that lost everything in Petros? What will soccwe do for them?"

"This is a time where I am glad that the government has welfare so those that don't have insurance are able to be supported until a time that they can go to work. And with inemployment at the current level it is. Well it should not be hard for those people to get back on their feet and off welfare soon. As for soccer, I believe that a terrible disaster such as what happened the other day needs to be balanced with at least a little but of joy and I hope that soccer can be that."

"Will these upgrades be done in time for the 31st World Cup? and what about Cantinople?"

"The upgrades and expansions will be completed in time for the 31st World Cup, and SeaBazalope Arena will start as soon as It has finished it's World Cup Qualfiying duties. Thank you. That is all that I have time for today."

From the desk of Noz-Tf

Apologies to Vilita and Squornshelous

We apologize for the incident that occured in today's match between Vilita and Squornshelous. Grm-Pol made a bad mistake that could have significantly altered the match.
However we must claim some level of innocence on this account. See Grm-Pol is not actually an officially sanctioned Az-cz referee. He doesn't referee in the -League. He is actually a fulltime Kleptoball referee who also refs high school football. He wasn't actually on the list of names we submitted to Qutar and Schiavonia as possible world cup referees, so we are uncertain how he ended up being chosen as the Az-cz reprensentative for world cup qualfiers. We encourage the next hosts to work much more closely with the nations of the world to ensure that such an event as this doesn't happen again.

Noz-Tf
President of Az-cz Football Federation

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Time-Wasting Sports Publication

Can We Do It? Yes We Can!

Tehta Trevelyan is continuing on a goal a game, scoring his twelfth in the
Waffles' away win against Eseck. The young footballing nation put up a
brave fight in the first half, with Adrich Richards impressing everyone as
Eseckian keeper. Meanwhile, midfielding captain Ragde Azhka, and strikers
Mas Sarus and Kivo Zojen made sure Feoca Arthur and the defense earned
their money, with a number of good shots on goal.

The first half looked like ending scoreless until the forty second minute, when
Crewenna Roskelly chipped a Gorran Chegwidden corner over Richards' head,
to put the Waffles in front. In the second half, Eseck looked like tiring early,
while Spaam kept up their pressure, with Trevelyan earning a penalty shot in
the fifty fourth minute that easily beat Richards. Eseck tried to regroup in
after about seventy minutes, producing three shots on goal in quick
succession, but it was a bit of luck by Chegwidden in the seventy fifth that
put it away.

The much needed win gave the Waffles a boost of confidence going into the
final two matches, but there was a standing ovation for the Eseck team who
gave the crowd a good show. Keeper Adrich Richards for Eseck won the
person of the match award.

Eseck 0 - 3 Spaam
(4 Roskelly 42'; 1 Trevelyan 54'; 2 Chegwidden 75')

Results

Krytenia 5 - 0 Tocapa
Peturbed Lepoard 0 - 3 Vuam and Isma
Risa-Aramour 4 - 4 Rorysville

Krytenia looks like going through the entire season unbeaten and with only
one draw, easily dominating Tocapa by five goals. Meanwhile Vuam and Isma
kept their chances alive, with a convincing three goal away win over
underachieving Peturbed Lepoard. And both Rorysville's and Risa-Aramour's
qualification chances took a hit after a high-scoring, excitement-filled match,
which ended in a four goal all draw.

Krytenia has already finished the season in top position, with the remaining
two matches merely a formality. However, the second qualifying spot is still
being contested by four teams. Rorysville is currently in second position on
24 points, but face a likely loss to Krytenia next week, while Spaam have a
slightly easier run and are only one point behind. Vuam and Isma are win
behind Spaam, but if luck goes their way, they could also make it through,
while Risa-Aramour, who are on the same number of points, have a bad goal
difference that will probably see them drop out.

Meanwhile, Peturbed Lepoard look like taking out the wooden spoon, a win
behind Tocapa, who are a point behind Eseck, but it all depends on the next
two weeks results.

World Cup XXX Quailifiers

Lets have a look around the groups to see who is in and out for the
Schiavonia/Qutar World Cup.

Group 1

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Liverpool England 12 10 2 0 28 4 24 32
Chicanada 12 8 2 2 24 10 14 26
The Lowland Clans 12 7 1 4 18 12 6 22


Liverpool England have already qualified, and would need to lose their next
two matches to not finish in first place, an unlikely situation as they are
unbeaten so far. The other qualifying spot is being contested by Chicanada
and the Lowland Clans, who face each other next week, but even in the
event of an unlikely Chicanada home loss, the Lowlanders are at very long
odds to overtake them. Prediction: Liverpool England and Chicanada.

Group 2

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Milchama 12 12 0 0 30 8 22 36
Oliverry 12 11 0 1 56 13 43 33

The two qualifiers have already been decided, with only the order being
contested. Milchama is currently in front, with a perfect record, but face
Cuation at home next week, and Oliverry away the next. With Oliverry still
favourites for that match, and having scored 56 goals this season so far at
almost five goals per match, it will be close. Prediction: Oliverry and
Milchama.

Group 3

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Casari 12 9 2 1 27 8 19 29
McPsychoville 12 9 1 2 33 9 24 28


Another group where the qualifiers are decided but the order is being
contested. Casari had shock draw this week, but as both teams have an
easy run to the end, the situation will prolly stay the same. Prediction:
Casari and McPsychoville.

Group 4

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Squornshelous 12 10 2 0 41 11 30 32
Becquerelia 12 8 3 1 23 9 14 27
Vilita 12 7 1 4 19 14 5 22


Squornshelous has already qualified on top, and would need to lose their
remaining matches to not finish on top, which is unlikely for the unbeaten
ninth seed. Becquerelia is currently in second by five points, but face the
unenviable task of facing Squornshelous and Vilita in their last two matches.
Losing their last two is not unlikely, and if Vilita can come up with the away
win, they could very well pip the second seeds to the post. Prediction:
Squornshelous and Becquerelia.

Group 5

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Krytenia 12 11 1 0 41 7 34 34
Rorysville 12 7 3 2 28 16 12 24
Spaam 12 7 2 3 28 12 16 23
Vuam and Isma 12 6 2 4 21 13 8 20
Risa-Aramour 12 6 2 4 23 23 0 20


Group 5 has turned into this qualifier's Group of Death™, with four teams
competing for one spot. Krytenia have top spot wrapped up, with only one
draw as a blemish. Rorysville are currently in second, but face Krytenia next
week, while second seed Spaam have a slightly easier run, with their home
game against Vuam and Isma the only one that could cause trouble. V&I and
Risa-Aramour are also still in the race, but with second and third likely to win
at least one more match each, should find themselves falling just short.
Prediction: Krytenia and Spaam (OOC: Yes, I know I've just jinxed myself :p)

Group 6

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Starblaydia 12 12 0 0 36 4 32 36
Bettia 12 8 2 2 27 12 15 26
Tynelia 12 7 2 3 17 14 3 23


A perfect record sees Starblaydia claim top spot, while Bettia and Tynelia are
fighting for the other qualifying place. Both teams face easy runs to the end
so will prolly stay in their respective positions. Prediction: Starblaydia and
Bettia.

Group 7

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Commerce Heights 12 9 3 0 41 10 31 30
Tadjikistan 12 8 2 2 22 10 12 26
The Mice of Miceland 12 6 2 4 24 14 10 20


Commerce Heights have already qualified unbeaten, while Tadjikistan would
have to lose their remaining matches for the Mice of Miceland to catch
them. It is an unlikely proposition, with the Mice facing Commerce Heights
next week, but kudos to the rodents for their impressive effort. Tadjikistan
have a chance of stealing top spot from the capitalizts, but their unbeaten
record is unlikely to end now. Prediction: Commerce Heights and Tadjikistan.

Group 8

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 12 9 2 1 29 8 21 29
Cataduanes 12 9 2 1 29 15 14 29
Wentland 12 8 1 3 23 16 7 25


Noone has qualified yet, but it looks like easy wins for everyone to the end.
Cataduanes is the only team that may drop one, facing an away match in
Marceau State, but that should merely keep them in second. Prediction:
Jeruselem and Cataduanes.

Group 9

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Ariddia 12 9 2 1 33 11 22 29
Yafor 2 12 8 3 1 26 15 11 27
Spruitland 12 7 5 0 29 10 19 26


It will be an exciting two matches for this group, with Ariddia and Yafor 2 in
first and second, but Spruitland is currently unbeaten. Ariddia has an easy
home match against Lylybium next week, but then travels to Spruitland the
week after. Yafor 2 hosts Spruitland this week, and then have an away
against Rordia. Ariddia would be incredibly unlucky not to qualify, and will
almost certainly qualify in first position. Yafor 2 looks more likely than
Spruitland, but Spruitland are the only ones that could reasonably take first
from Ariddia. Prediction: Ariddia and Yafor 2.

Group 10

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Quakmybush 12 8 3 1 21 9 12 27
The Archregimancy 12 8 2 2 24 11 13 26
Hockey Canada 12 7 3 2 26 6 20 24


Here is an exciting group. Most excitingly, the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks
go into the final two matches in top position, after a shock Archregimancy
draw. The Archregimancy host Quakmybush next week, but they both have
easy games the week after. Though Hockey Canadia have not impressed this
season, their remaining two matches should still be wins, especially after
their five goal thrashing of Giant Zucchini this week.

With Hockey Canadia likely to finish on 30 points, and with at least one of
the others likely to finish no higher than 30 and with a poorer goal difference,
the Canucks should squeeze through no matter what, though in second
position. The top qualifier will depend on next weeks top-of-the-table clash,
with the Archregimancy needing to win to move through, Quakmybush
otherwise. Prediction: Quakmybush and Hockey Canadia.

Group 11

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Total n Utter Insanity 12 12 0 0 33 8 25 36
Fmjphoenix 12 11 0 1 46 14 32 33


Total n Utter Insanity and Fmjphoenix wrapped up the group a while ago,
with just the order to be decided. TnUI are unbeaten, but they face an
away game against Fmj next week, who have scored on average almost four
goals per game. Prediction: Total n Utter Insanity and Fmjphoenix.

Group 12

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 12 9 1 2 33 7 26 28
New Montreal States 12 8 3 1 29 7 22 27
Harlesburg 12 8 1 3 18 15 3 25
Magnus Valerius 12 6 3 3 25 15 10 21


A tight group here, but with Magnus Valerius losing to New Montreal States
this week, they are all but mathematically out of the equation. MV can still
ruin the party, however, heading to ASMV next week, and hosting Harlesburg
the week after. NMS host ASMV in the final week, but should have an easy
win against Lexington SC next week. Harlesburg may also struggle when
they host Green Wombat next week, and their poor goal difference may let
them down. Prediction: New Montreal States and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

Group 13

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Bedistan 12 11 0 1 45 9 36 33
Nedalia 12 9 2 1 37 18 19 29
Anathematic Republics 12 8 1 3 29 12 17 25


Bedistan have already qualified, and would need Az-Cz to upset them at
home to no finish on top. Nedalia face Bedistan next week, but should have
an easy win in the final week, meaning the Anathematic Republics will proll
fall short. Prediction: Bedistan and Nedalia.

Group 14

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Rejistania 12 9 3 0 32 8 24 30
Bazalonia 12 6 5 1 29 15 14 23
Geisenfried 12 7 1 4 19 18 1 22
Dance 2 Revolution 12 5 4 3 14 11 3 19


Rejistania's unbeaten run have delivered them the top position, but there are
three teams battling for the other qualifying spot. Bazalonia have a relatively
easy final run, though System Karela could spoil their party. Geisenfried have
an even easier run though, so could overtake the world number 40s, while
Dance 2 Revolution's final week clash against Rejistania should demolish the
slim chances they already have. Prediction: Rejistania and Geisenfried.

Group 15

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Sarzonia 12 10 2 0 27 3 24 32
Northern Caesarea 12 8 2 2 20 8 12 26
Kaze Progressa 12 8 1 3 21 13 8 25


Lucky last! Sarzonia have all but mathematically qualified in top position, but
the second spot is a tight affair. Kaze Progressa host Northern Caesarea in
the final week, with Kaze Progressa likely needing to win to move on.
Prediction: Sarzonia and Northern Caesarea.

Must-Watch Matches

There are a number of crucial and exciting games next week, so don't miss
out. Here are our top five:

Squornshelous vs Becquerelia
Anything could happen in this match, and a Becquerelia loss could open the
door for Vilita to overtake them. Squornshelous are safe no matter what.

Rorysville vs Krytenia
If you're a fan of Spaam you'll be cheering on likely winners Krytenia. If you
hate Spaam then you'll be backing an upset of the world number sixes.

Yafor 2 vs Spruitland
Yafor 2 have performed better but Spruitland are unbeaten. A must win
game for both teams should ensure exciting football.

The Archregimancy vs Quakmybush
Last cup's dark horse in a sudden-death match for both teams. The Sharks
have the superior record but the Monks are at home. Cheer on the
underdogs!

Kaze Progressa vs Northern Caeserea
Another sudden-death match for both teams which will hopefully be a close
game.

Next Week

Peturbed Lepoard will host the Waffles, who are determined to keep their late
winning run intact. The Spaamanians won't be without a game however, as
Liverpool England will be taking on Winchestia at Artanis National Stadium.
Meanwhile, Vuam and Isma will be looking to keep their chances alive when
they host Eseck, while Waffles fans will be cheering on Krytenia when they
attempt to spoil Rorysville's home game and qualification chances. And Risa-
Aramour need a big win over Tocapa to stand any chance of qualifying.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 11 1 0 41 7 34 34 85
Rorysville 7 3 2 28 16 12 24 64
Spaam 7 2 3 28 12 16 23 70
Vuam and Isma 6 2 4 21 13 8 20 62
Risa-Aramour 6 2 4 23 23 0 20 50
Eseck 2 1 9 9 36 -27 7 20
Tocapa 1 3 8 14 32 -18 6 30
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 11 5 30 -25 3 14

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 12
4 Crewenna Roskelly 7
14 Mar'h Menadue 3
20 Eseld Retallack 2
2 Gorran Chegwidden 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4:0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2:2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1:0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0:2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6:0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2:0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2:2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3:2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2:1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam 1:3 Krytenia
11 Spaam 2:0 Tocapa
12 Eseck 0:3 Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard ?:? Spaam
14 Spaam ?:? Vuam and Isma

Az-cz Scroll
BENKONATE
Em-Nm

In the sandy dunes Gnomes and Lions sink together

After the troubles of the last game played in Az-cz, Nedalia and Az-cz eventually settled on playing their second leg in BENKONATE. This sandy barren wasteland reminded many Az-cz fans of Tat-Wn, from the famous Az-cz movie Star Robbers. It was certainly a creepy setting for a football game.
With the back drop of the dunes behind BENKONATE stadium the teams took a little while to find their footing. The interesting religious chants eminating from the stadiums speakers during the match also provided a discombobulating setting.
For this game Az-cz was playing a squad that looked like it might be the possible WC 31 squad. Stanleyinho and Uz-Gz up front. Kn-Dg and Levesque reprising their club team roles at the top of the midfield. Pizelkaxrovsky holding it down in the middle, with Lo-Ro and Hubertino in the defensive midfield. The three man defense was Nerazzuri, Kz-Kz and Kl-Mv. Gn-Lg was in goal. Suprisingly Kn-Dg was given the captains armband.
Nedalia was the first team to find their footing in this strange oasis of a stadium. They set up a nice set of passes to spring themselves for their first goal in the 29th minute.
Kn-Dg and Pizelkaxrovsky were able to rally the team to get their heads back in the game and it didn't take long for Az-cz to find the equalizer. A beautiful cross from Hubertino to Pizelkaxrovksky led to a one time pass to Stanleyinho to equalize the game in minute 37.
Both teams failed to score the rest of the half. The halftime show consisted of a video of some sort of traditional desert land speed competition. It was interesting, but not much is known about it.
At the half Levesque brought on Ck-Cl for Stanleyinho. He was thrilled to earn his first cap and his energy and exuberance both hurt and helped the team. They hurt in that a number of brilliant set ups got wasted on wild passes and shots, but they helped in that his running earned Az-cz the ball and and forced Nedalia to adjust, which eventually led to the second goal.
In the 63rd minute he was making a run and got fouled just outside the box. Pizelkaxrovsky stepped and swung the ball beautifully into the upper right hand corner of the net.
Az-cz continued to control the second half and in the 80th minute Levesque took of Uz-Gz to bring on Or-El in the defense. However Nedalia was able to break through in the 88th minute to snatch a point from the match when Or-El was a split second late getting to cross and left Gn-Lg with a tough shot to block. He got his fingers on it, but it spilled into the net and the game was tied.
Levesque brought on Ij-Ex for Lo-Ro but the Gnomes just couldn't find the winning goal as the game ended in a 2-2 draw.
Still against a power like Nedalia with a number of young players to earn a draw is a very positive sign. For the first time in the history of Az-cz international football, they earned points against a team ranked higher than them. Now they host San Haven in their last home match of qualifying.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 2 Nedalia 2
Az-cz scorers 37 Stanleyinho 63 Pizelkaxrovsky
Possession Az-cz 50% Nedalia 50%
Shots Az-cz 17 Nedalia 10
Corners Az-cz 0 Nedalia 0

Stuart LittleMouse had finally gotten sick and tired of these dreams. They disturbed him and he just wanted to get rid of them. First, he went to a psychiatrist who listened to what the dreams where about and agreed that his sub-concious was trying to communicate with his concious brain. However what it was trying to communicate was hindered by the brain trying to protect itself from.. well, itself. The only way to see the entire dream from start to finish was under hypnosis, and then maybe they'd be able to work out what it was. So Stuart approached the Hypnosis centre with his psychiatrist and went into a state of trance. He recounted everything under hypnosis from the begining of the dream until the point where he, sorry, Ila, ran away from that Vaij guy. What was interesting to the Psychiartrist and the Hypnotherapist was he was replying as if he was this Ila character and not Stuart LittleMouse at all.

".... I'm running through the woods, I don't know where I am. I am running, Vaij could still be right behind me. Oh, gods, I am so lost. Ughhh" said stuart recounting his dreams under his trance.

"What happened Stuart? what happened to Ila?" said the Psychiatrist

"I fell over, I'm looking up now and I see these two hunters. From the tribe of Hametura. I am frightened, they are envious of us Anik's we are wealthy and they are not. Oh, no they are pointing their hunting weapons at me and are saying to come with them. Viaj I could over power but these guys? No way I could do that and well. I can't run either, They've tied my hands and are dragging me along with them."

An undescript amount of time passed.. "What's happening now?"

"I'm being lead to their cheif, he's a magician. He'll probably use his magic to keep me trapped in there. And since I am a princess he'll try and use it over my people. probably demand some kind of payment for me. No, get away from me. Let me go!"

"what's going on now, I'm being forced into a hut, the chief is following me. He's casting a spell... I'm trapped in the hut, they don't even need guards to keep me in, the magic does it for them... Gah.. IF only I was a magic-weilder." and after some time he continued
"I'm hearing sounds outside, it sounds like my tribe has come to rescue me. They are attacking the Hametura. I"M IN HERE, THEY'RE USING MAGIC TO HOLD ME HERE!. CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?"
"Daddy? Your here! Dispel the magic and let me go home... Wha? what do you mean you can't."

"Stuart, what's happening now?"

"Daddy's killed the Chief and now because of that he cannot get rid of the spell. I'm going to be stuck here forever.. Wait, no, Daddy's got a plan. Me go into a mice body? No way. Daddy, What's the matter, you are injured. Your Bleeding. Noooo, don't die on my Daddy. Noooo."

"Stuart, what happened to Ila's father?"

"The Hametura chief and him where in battle, The Hameturan Chief, who he killed severly injured him and the Shaman says he is on the virge of death. There is nothing more that could be done from him now but I can't get out of this stupid room. *sob*"

"okay stuart calm down, tell me about the Shaman's plan."

"Well, the plan was to transfer me into a mices body, he had just found one, and then put me back into a human body after I am out. He's hesitant to do it, particularily with daddies injuries. But it's the only way I can ever get out of this gods-forsaken hut. Do it."

"What's happening, Stuart?"

"The shaman is casting the spell to move me into the body of the mice... where's daddy?"

"Where is daddy, he's somewhere outside, the Shaman is finishing the spell now. Suddenly I;m feeling different, it wasn't the spell, it wasn't finished that means... Dad's dead. I am now the representative for all Aniki and I have the life-force for all my people." Sudden silence enveloped the room. "Oh, no what happened? this feels strange, I'm scared."

"Stuart what happened now?"

"I'm a mouse, I'm scared I feel so much and I am scared I am running. Running away. There's a sea-shore, maybe I can finally get away from all this feeling. A log, that will take me to a place far away. Far away from this scary feeling. I'm on it now and takes it takes me over the sea."

"Okay, skip ahead to when you find a place to land." said the Hypno-therapist

"There's sand, the feeling hasn't gone but I am now comfortable with it. I don't even really notice it that much. I'm in on the sand. I'm searching for food. It has been sometime since I ate anything. OO, there's this male mouse, I like him......"

Well, that's as much as I'm willing to go without the rating on the RP going any higher than PG-13. Needless to say the story was the story of the first sentient mouse and how they started a family which wouls spread around the world and then come back to form the nation of Miceland.

Meanwhile on the football field Stuart Littlemouse was the captain and he lead them into a really defensive mode. The Swilatians who by all rights should have clobbeded the relatively unknown team failed to score a point, while any forays by the mice into the Swilatian half where quickly shut down themselves. The match was boring and no real further comment on it was necessary.

Coach DuPont unhappy with another loss...

"Hi! I'm Barry Maxwell. The Turtles recent 5-2 loss to Tessan that put them 7th in group has stunned and saddened the nation. Despite some early victories and draws, Sel Appa has had a three-match losing streak after their 2-0 win over Czariums, which is in 8th. I'm here with the team's coach Charles DuPont. Mr. DuPont, what is your opinion on the current losing streak and loss to Tessan?"

DuPont: "Well, it surprised me. I expected this match and the one against Haraki to be draws or a victory for us, but I predicted wrong. I think we could have done better, but the team is not used to this kind of pressure."

Barry: "How is their outlook in the last two matches?"

DuPont: "Not quite that good. We face teams that both beat us before. I could see a draw or even a victory possible, but I'm not counting on any victories anymore. I would like us to win both so we can place higher in the group however."

Barry: "What do you think the team was lacking?"

DuPont: "Well, this is only our first try and we're planning to try for the next one as well. We expect it to go much better next time. The team was lacking motivation. They just couldn't conceive the idea of how much laid on their shoulders. I have high prospects for the next Cup."

Barry: "And also the Cup of Harmony is for the teams that do not qualify? How do you expect The Turtles to fare there?"

DuPont: "I think we could see them do pretty good. I expect them to do pretty good there. The teams that will be in it will be much weaker than what we've faced. It's also a fresh start for some glory."

Barry: "Do you plan to continue coaching?"

DuPont: "Yes, my contract continues into the 32nd World Cup, should Sel Appa try for it. I will have to get it renewed, but I will likely stay for another few cups after that."

Barry: "Any other thoughts or comments?"

DuPont: "Yes, actually I do Barry. After the qualifiers are over, there is a penalty shootout from several nation's legends. Our own Estevez will be participating. I think he'll do pretty good there. Also, I'm really proud of the team and think they've put on quite a good show for our first try. I originally expected a lot more losses and when I saw the first matches, I began thinking we had a shot. MY hope soon began crumbling with the losses piling up."

Barry: "Well thank you very much for the interview."

DuPont: "Not a problem. Anytime.

Barry: "Ok, that's about it for this edition of SportsNet. The Turtles are placed 7th in group. The last match at Tessan was a 5-2 defeat. The finall two matches are at McPsychoville and here at home versus Aurendia. The current record is 3-2-7, as well as an additional friendly against Alif Laam Miim which was a 2-1 victory. I'm Barry Maxwell, goodnight."

Ariddians sunbathe

The Rouge-et-Noirs travelled from sunny, semi-tropical Ariddia to the equally sunny lands of Los Mexico, there to sightsee, make the most of the weather – oh, and hopefully win a football match.

The Los Mexicans were keen for payback after their previous encounter, but the odds were heavily in Ariddia’s favour. An early goal by Michelle Dru set the tone in the fourteenth minute, although an equaliser in the thirty-third had supporters momentarily alarmed. Kyaw soon set that right, scoring after a corner kick taken by Uha Teh in the thirty-ninth.

After that, in the second half, the Rouge-et-Noirs merely did what they had to in order to stay in the lead, and nudge themselves up one extra goal (courtesy of Wol Eosh) for comfort’s sake. This ninth win gave the team the twenty-nine points necessary to stay at the top of Group 9 – for now.

Also in their group, Rordia was eliminated after a useful one-all draw against Spruitland, but Yafor 2 were still going strong with a two-one win over Nouvelle Angleterre. The uncertainty will remain until the very last match.

Elsewhere, Quakmybush are in good shape again as they top Group 10, having defeated Palixia three-nil. Total n Utter Insanity are the first Uhuhland team to have qualified, and beat KCToker today by four goals to one. And Andossa Se Mitrin Vega stay in the lead of their group with a five-nil win over Lexington SC

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"It's happening again, Fr. John...."

"What, our ongoing occasional inability to contact ordinary reality? Our having to broadcast via a link in the Islands of Qutar?"

"That too, Fr. John.... It's so irritating I suspect a schismatic Catholic plot - but no, what I was actually referring to wasn't yet another communcation breakdown, but the squad putting qualification in danger through our inability to put away low-ranked opposition."

"Oh.... that....."

"Yes, fair enough that we defeated Demot - a tougher than expected squad who've run us close in both matches.... but 0-0? Against Ten Thousand Maggots? Is this some sort of sick Heretical joke? Surely failing to beat maggots was pronounced uncanonical at the Quinisext Council of Justinian II?"

"Erm... maybe not; I think you might just possibly be mistaken on that one. So where are we in the table right now, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Second, just behind those upstarts from Quakmybush, and only two points ahead of Hockey Canada."

"Ah."

"'Ah' precisely, Fr. John."

"I know just what's going to happen, Fr. Nicholas. And I think you do too...."

"We're going to fail to qualify on the very last matchday, Fr. John. Again."

"Well, you can't say were not consistent, Fr. Nicholas...."

"Perhaps the Lord is testing us, Fr. John. Perhaps this is his means of imbuing us with the necessary amount of humility. Perhaps the Lord is concerned that if we were to qualify with ease, it would go to our heads, and we would become arrogant, pedantic, and intolerant...."

"Those are certainly adjectives no one could possibly ever think of directing at us, Fr. Nicholas - so perhaps this is a means of keeping us humble. Though I remind you that everything hinges on the return match against Quakmybush. Win that, and I'd still give us a good chance."

"Perhaps, Fr. John - but I have a feeling that this is going down to the last matchday. Again. Incidentally, how are the Sonyanite heretics?"

"I don't know Fr. Nicholas - we'll have to wait until we regain access to ordinary reality communications before we know how Her Majesty is reacting to her slide towards anathema. But she should rest assured that historically the Orthodox Church has rarely reacted towards heresy with the fatal aggressive violence of Catholicism. I believe that the death penalty's historically reserved solely for Manicheanism. 'Though Shalt Not Kill', after all. We only sternly wag fingers at Sonyanites who believe that the guilt and consequence of Original Sin are not only identical, but which deny the possibility of theosis."

OOC: The Archregimancy having the same problem again

"God, I hate maths."

"How can we get out of it?"

"I've got an idea. Sir! Sir!"

"What is it, Maudling?"

"You know that thing about probability you taught us, sir?"

"The Bell curve? What of it?"

"How can we use it to see if Wentland's gonna qualify for the World Cup, sir?"

"I don't think we need that...let's look at the situation.

"Jeruselem and Cataduanes are on 29 points. Let's call that J(29) and C(29).

"Wentland is on 25 points. Let's call that W(25).

"The goal difference shall be termed gd and if P(gd) > Q(gd) where P(p) = Q(p) then gd = P(p+1).

"The maximum potentiality of W is 31; we term that pW. Whereas pJ and pC are both 35.

"Given that the final games are W v D and TGC, the probability of W(31) is near 75%, with the probability of W(29) being 20% and the remaining scores

"The other games are MS v C and C v D, and TGC v J and J v MO2. The probability of J(>W(x)) is about 99%, given that J(35) is near 100% and J(<30) is near 0.005%.

"The probability of C(<W(x)) is also remote. One can assign the probability of C(29) as near zero because of C v D, which has a likelihood of C > D of around 75%. That immediately gives a 75% chance of C(>W(x)) because if C > D then C(>W(x)) as a logical corollary.

"However, if C = D, to which I assign a 20% likelihood, then C must > MS which is not easy and I assign that a 50% likelihood.

"Consequently, the overall chance of W(>(C(x)) is...let me add these up...multiply..."

TRRRIINGGG!!!

"End of period, boys...we'll revisit this when we're out of the Cup. When the likelihood of qualifying depends on C or J = 0."

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

Our description of "The Streak"

Throughout our coverage of the Milchamian World Cup we have been constantly mentioning something we call the streak. This streak has been one of the best streaks in recent memory as it has emcompassed two World Cups and one Cup of Harmony. It started rather innocently in our failed World Cup 29 qualifying campaign when our old and sluggish team tied Kaze Progressa 2-2. Then, in their final two games ever on the Milchamian A team, they won both games to put the streak at 3 games.

Then came the Cup of Harmony. Whenever a team that has recently qualified for the World Cup gets into the CoH there is an expectation that they will do well. With a new look team, Milchama did not dissapoint winning their first 4 matches then tying Iansisle (Our only draw in "The Streak" other than KP). Then we won the last 4 matches to win the whole Cup of Harmony. After that our streak was at 15 games total with 4 wins.

Now we are in World Cup qualifying, where we are shocking the world as we are still undeafeated and are allowed to be mentioned in the same sentence as nations like Total n Utter Insanity and Starblaydia (Other than of course, Milchama get crushed by TnUI or Starblaydia). We are 12-0-0 thanks to our two latest wins, one over Sliponia 3-0 and one over BENKONATE 3-1. This has put our winning streak at 16 games and our total streak at 27 games which is just ridicoulous. However, that is not the craziest thing about it, since our "second generation" started playing for the A team we have not lost a match. The kids have gone 23-1-0 since they started playing for Milchama.

Some, of course, do not count the Cup of Harmony in the streak as it is a unimportant tournament for losers. But even those people should be impressed by these numbers, in World Cup qualifying we have had 15 straight unbeaten games and 14 straight wins.

And here are the scores of the past two games:

Final Scores:
Milchama 3 (Albentine 28, 44, 79)
Sliponia 0 (Woot! Shutout!)

Milchama 3 (Bantin 28, Nielson 62, 89)
BENKONATE 1 (ABSOLUT LUNATIC)

Raging Penguins Report:
After a good tie against Miceland the Penguins took about 3 steps back in losing to The Doja.

Milchama Man of the Matches:
Del Clufor gets our vote. He is such a consistent without much flashiness so that he never really gets the credit he deserves. He gives you a solid performance every game, he is always in the action and trying to help us win in some way or another. He plays the game very well.

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Unicorns Sputter in 1-1 Draw with The Colony of Delaware

Queen Sonya Sabre was furious. Two draws in a row. The first had been against One Red Dot. The first had been acceptable. But now against The Colony of Delaware? This was preposterous! Completely Unacceptable!

The Mystical Unicorns just didn’t seem to be themselves after the delayed flight to TCD. They never seemed to get into any sort of rhythm on the pitch. But the short version is that they completely sucked today. In fact, if Maurita Deni had not scored on a corner late in the match, the Unicorns would have dropped a second match to the infernal Delaware squad. Uhhhgggg. Perhaps it was time to reintroduce the Mystical Unicorns to the guillotine that had been missing from the sidelines thus far in the qualifiers………No. She would save that for the powers that be in this tourney.

But there is still a bright side to things. The Unicorns still hold on to the third spot they were seeded in - something that hasn’t happened in the previous two cup attempts. With Khenas and One Red Dot just three points behind us, and Delaware one more than that, the match against Khenas next will determine a lot as far as our ability to keep 3rd goes. It should be a great match.

Archregimancy Watch
The Lord surely wishes to keep these guys praying in top form. The draw with Ten Thousand Maggots was surely akin to the struggles that the Lord placed on Job. There is no possible way that this score should have happened. Perhaps the squad should pray more during practice. Or is that practice more during prayer? You know how us Sonyanites are. Cant keep things like that straight. But we do wish them all of God’s blessing in their match against Quakmybush. Surely God cant test them that much……………..maybe.

((TYnelia RP))

“Hello soccer fans and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of Tynelia’s efforts in the group play of World Cup 30 qualification. Today the team faced SAtarblaydia, the top team in the world and put out a great effort before falling in a tight 2-1 match. However thanks to Bettia’s shocking 1-1 draw with Wrecker, Tynelia still finds itself only three points back with two matches to play. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee. Well Dana they almost pulled off the shocker.”

“Yes they did Mike, this was an effort they shouldn’t be ashamed of despite the loss. They managed to take the first lead anyone has off Starblaydia in this round of group play when Anya Collins fired a blast into the net at the 23rd minute of play. The fans went wild as dreams of the upset began to form. However Starblaydia proved why they were number one after withstanding a furious attack by Tynelia over the next ten minutes of play they finally reasserted themselves and Jacqueline Maitland put in the equalizer at the 40th minute, leading the teams to a even match after the first half. Starblaydia put in the go ahead goal at the 68th minute in the second half from Johann Keifner. Try as they might, Tynelia couldn’t put in the equalizer but also managed to keep the match within the one goal the rest of the way.”

“In fact Dana, I think this second time around really showed Tynelia’s improvement from the first half. The first time around we were pounded by a 7-1 goals disadvantage while being swept on the road. However at home we played Bettia and Starblaydia almost dead even with a 3-2 goal disadvantage and stealing a point off Bettia. I almost wonder how things would have gone if there was a third match against these two.”

“Yes the team is getting much closer to the top teams than most thought they would going into the Cup. It does appear the team will fall short however, as Bettia realistically only needs to win one of their last two matches to clinch given their 12 goal differential edge on us. Still if the team can bounce back to beat Awal KB at the Sun Stadia this next match then beat Spindomia on the road the team will set a record best 29 points for themselves which could put teams on notice in the Cup of Harmony.”
“Well Dana its time to hear what Coach Billington has to say about the match today as he joins us live via satellite. Hello Coach.”

<Billington appears on a split screen>

“Hello Mike and Dana.”

“That was a real close one out there today against the best team in the world.”

“Yes the team played extremely well, holding a team like Starblaydia to only two goals while beating their incredible defense is a great effort. I thought we almost had the draw when Jay’s shot in the 81st minute hit the crossbar and bounced over the net. I guess it wasn;t meant to be this time. But I don’t think they’ll be asking who we are next time they see us around after today.”

“So the team is still alive thanks to Wrecker coach, can you catch Bettia?”

“It will be very tough Dana, we need to win out and I think hope Bettia finds a way to get a pair of draws to catch them if I recall the standings right. Either way at least we’ve made them work for it. This Cup has been something we can build on for next time. Its just too bad most of my old teammates won’t be around next time because I think next Cup we will qualify.”

“About Awal KB next. Will the team be suffering a letdown after these last two close efforts?”

“Actually Mike I think this will have inspired the team. Playing so strongly against the teams that the experts thought would waltz through this group should give us some momentum against a team that isn’t quite playing as well as expected. Of course Wrecker’s shown people these past few matches anything can happen but I think we’ll be fine. The veterans know this is probably their last run and want to go out on top.”

“OK thanbks coach, our time is up now. Good luck in the next match.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<Billington’s image fades from the screen>

“So Dana what do you think? Will the team finish on a high note?”

“I think so Mike, remember as difficult as it is for the team to advance they are still alive. The ‘who’s that’ group as the experts proclaimed it before play began is still in the top half of the tightest races. Tynelia has had to play almost perfectly to keep it this close and I think they will want to have a first ever undefeated finish against the teams below them. So I think the team will come out on top with a 2-0 score. Awal KB has been pretty inconsistent so far so I think our more steadier play will be the difference here. Bettia however should have little trouble with Spindomia, especially after a far more embarrassing draw to Wrecker than ours was. I think Spindomia will be made to suffer in a 4-0 shutout win for Bettia which should lock it up for them unoffcially.”

“OK then Dana, I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be even though they sweated a little before getting to this point. The Tynelian match will be shown live at its regular time from the newly minted Sun Stadia for only the second time. Dana and I will be back after the match for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly postgame show. Have a good night everyone.”

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Sea Dragons Skin 'Cats 5-0

This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Lexington SC where the Sea Dragons showed some offensive power today in a 5-0 win. Not that we actually mind scoring a lot of goals, but it is strange for us.

The party got started very early as Evan Evans received the ball about thirty seconds into the match and found Porche Alexander streaking to the goal. Her shot gave ASMV the lead before the clock had even reached 1 minute. After that it was cruise control for the Sea Dragons. Arobi Khazir-Zarazoroba would find Pablo Iglesias in the 13th minute to move the score to 2-0. And that is the way halftime would see things.

The reserves saw a ton of second half action as the veterans rested for the match against the Boyers. And they even seemed to pick up the pace a bit. Kendrick Pu would find Leena Draghi for the score in the 60th minute and Kasey Kurzinski’s long pass to Ali Devincenti in the 71st helped move it to 4-0. And it was teenager Khyber Allosindir who put on the icing in the 84th minute with yet another goal.

5-0 is a very solid result on the road for the Sea Dragons and hope is that we can take that momentum home to face Magnus Valerius. The Boyers have struggled of late and we hope we can take the three points in this one and earn a definite qualifying spot before we travel to NMS on the final day. NMS is still just a point back after dropping MV 2-0 today. Harlesburg is just three points back, but face the Boyers on the final day.

A win over MV solidifies things for the Sea Dragons as Harlesburg is unlikely to outscore us by 23 goals over the final two matches. But should we lose both matches…………..let’s not go there just yet.

Friends Watch
Cuation dumped on Alif LAam Miim 3-0
Milchama dropped Benkonate 4-0
Tadjikistan earned a 2-2 draw with Commerce Heights
Ariddia downed Los Mexico 3-1
And D&S struggled in a 1-1 draw with The Colony of Delaware - the same squad that beat them during the whole locker room scandal.

Spaamanian Plijous Herald

Gulls Eliminated

A home ground advantage was not enough as the Gulls lost by two to the
Lowland Clans. Alan Belmore was marked heavily, and the rest of the team
was just not good enough to prevent the two second half goals. The win
means TLC have a chance at qualifying, but will probably fall short to
Chicanada next week. Now the rest of the season will be spent trying to get
Alan Belmore the Golden Boot award.

Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Liverpool England 12 10 2 0 28 4 24 32
Chicanada 12 8 2 2 24 10 14 26
The Lowland Clans 12 7 1 4 18 12 6 22
Spaamanian Plijous 12 6 1 5 20 15 5 19
Winchestia 12 1 8 3 12 17 -5 11
Errinundera 12 3 2 7 15 28 -13 11
Benlandngdo 12 1 4 7 13 28 -15 7
Hiiraan 12 1 2 9 5 21 -16 5

Belmore On Track

Alan Belmore now has 20 goals to his name, one more than last cup which
saw him finish second. With two more games in hand, he can add to that
total and may win the golden boot for the first time. Belmore already has the
world record for number of goals scored in a match, six, which they scored
against Errinundera. However, he hasn't scored any goals in the past two
matches, which is worrying fans.

MC: Congratulations to the team on their fine effort against Nedalia today. Taking a point off of them is definitely an accomplishment. Here to talk about it our coach Levesque, today's captain Kn-Dg and man of the match, Pizelkaxrovsky.

Levesque: Thanks. I'm very proud of the team and our fans today. This match was a very strange one but we found an acceptable result.

Az-cz reporter 1: What were your thoughts on BENKONATE as an alternate site?

Pizelkaxrovsky: It was a bit weird. There desert vibe was certainly strange. We didn't get out to see much of the country, so who knows if the rest is like this, but this place is different. Still the BENKONATIONS were friendly.

Az-cz reporter 2: Kn-Dg, how did it feel to wear the armband?

Kn-Dg: It was amazing. To wear the armband and exchange badges with the captain of a team like Nedalia in a world cup qualifier was exciting beyond words. Despite the fact that I don't think I'll be captain on a permanent basis anytime soon, it was still quite an honor.

Az-cz reporter 3: Was it weird competing without the full Baptism of Fire team?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Sort of. We'd definitely gotten used to playing together, but we adapted fine. It's not the first change we've had so it's not that big of a deal.

Az-cz reporter 4: What do you think of your odds of moving up to fourth at this point?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Clearly we need help and need not to mess up. Less than 3 and we won't do it. And probably we need 4 points or more. To do that we'll need to take at least one of Bedistan, and that just isn't very likely. So we've just got to hope they choke.

Az-cz reporter 5: Who will we see in the game against San Haven?

Levesque: I've decided but I don't want to announce the lineup just yet. But I'll tell you that it will be veteran players. It will be a tribute to players who have been around since the early days of the -League.

Az-cz reporter 6: Do you have any opinion on the Grm-Pol incident?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Yeah. He's a wanker. He's not a football referee. He's not even a good Kleptoball referee. He brutally cost the Shangri-La Demons a victory last year. What were the hosts thinking in calling him up? It boggles the mind.

MC: Alright, time for one last question.

Az-cz reporter 7: What do you think the prospects are for the Cup of Harmony after this match?

Levesque: I think taking points off of Nedalia really helped. We just need to keep fighting hard. Hopefully our improvement has been seen by the people who choose the Cup of Harmony participants.

Sharks Win, Take Lead in Group.

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team defeated Palixia 3-0 in their World Cup 30 qualifying run. Jon Fields scored all 3 goals for the sharks. With the win and a shock Archregimancy draw, the sharks have re-taken the group lead with 27 points, it is down to them, Hockey Canada and The Archregimancy to see who will qualify for the World Cup. Quakmybush leads with 27 points, The Archregimancy has 26 and Hockey Canada are not that far behind with 24.




ooc: sorry bout a crappy rp, but i gotta run to work.

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-line

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RODGER RIVER SACRED TREE NAMED

Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River): The mayor of Rodger River, reeada, yesterday announced the name of the city’s new sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree): OALUSH’N. It is an Indigenous Ariddian (Wymgani) (”http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wymgani”) name for a species of tree which is considered by some indigenous communities there as a symbol of wisdom, and a gathering place for important community decisions and ceremonies. The name was chosen to reciprocate the generous gesture by Ariddia (”http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia”) to name their new stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium) in honour of ubhashinim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim). Audrey Melei (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Audrey_Melei), Ariddia’s ambassador to Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera), will be guest of honour at the naming ceremony.

The Protector of Sacred Trees, poplecti, is relieved that the mayor has come to her senses. “They were also considering OVAFELLATE as a name. Strictly speaking that would have been legal but would have been almost as tasteless as CUNNUSVACCAE.” (And what’s wrong with that? – Ed.)

In what is seen as perhaps a related development, recent newborn children in Rodger River have been named after sacred trees: monda, pellocar, egna, iten and aladrie have been recorded so far. There has been no instance of cunnusvaccae. poplecti is indignant: “I can’t stop it but it is most disrespectful.”

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CAPTAIN ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery): Captain of the national football team, keok, recently injured in the disaster at Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Frosty_Hollow) has announced from her hospital bed that she was retiring from the game. “My injuries are such that I won’t be able to play again for several months, if at all. This announcement should help the team put the recent terrible events behind them. I was so thrilled to see that the potoroos defeated Winchestia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Winchestia) 4-3. It is good to see them moving on.”

keok said that the support she had received from her new partner and from all her supporters had helped her get through this difficult period in her life. “Errinundrians have this wonderful attitude that your problem is my problem. Sometimes you just have to let other people look after you.”

Errinundrians have taken keok to their heart. A poll of people about the caves in Mount Ellery brought the following responses.
ejec (unsuccessful saboteur): She has been a credit to the game – always positive about her players regardless of how well they have been doing.
elebra (major events organiser, Mount Ellery): We are so proud of our local girl. She mightn’t have been the most skilful player in the side but she sure had the biggest heart.
ighin (member, Mount Ellery Erotic Dance Company): I think people fell in love with her smile. It was wickedly lopsided but also had a hint of doubt at the edges, as if to say “How are the bastards in the world going to rip me off now?” Luckily, there aren’t too many bastards in Errinundera.
illia (political adviser): She is so passionate about everything she does. It gets her into bother sometimes but that’s the nature of Errinundrians.

POTOROOS RETURN TO WINNING WAYS IN WINCHESTIA

Wendle (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Winchestia): Errinundera put recent events behind them yesterday by defeating Winchestia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Winchestia) 3-4 in a see-sawing game. The home team scored 2 goals early in the second half to take a 3-2 lead but 2 late goals to the angelic qenderqueer rosaniel sealed the game for the potoroos. soflaw and otelopea, who each scored goals in the first half, also played well.

soflaw was ecstatic about the win. “Events at Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Frosty_Hollow) really knocked us about – our confidence was at rock bottom. What with ubhashinim’s death and not knowing what would happen to keok. This win might help us to turn the corner.” With goals against Spaamanian Plijous (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Spaam) and Winchestia under her belt was she happy with her own form? “Actually that goal at Frosty Hollow has been credited to addicksonia. He deflected it – I think it would have missed otherwise. But yes, I am pleased with my form but, really, what has happened to the team is far more important."

Starblaydia: Qualified With Perfection
Bazalonian friendly announced, Jackie keeps scoring

After twelve long games, Starblaydia have got themselves twelve victories and have conceeded only one goal for every four and a half hours of football. This is shaping up to be Starblaydia's best ever defensive record over a Qualifying Campaign and proves that when you're at the top, you have to have a rock-solid defence. Either that or have a forward players that are so good, they never give the ball away.

Starblaydia appear to have a combination of both, and it's that which makes them the number-one ranked team in the world. That doesn't stop bad things going wrong, however, as Tynelia scored the opening goal of the Matchday 12 game; Collins the scorer.

Yet again, however, it was Jackie Maitland who got her name in lights on the stadium's scoreboard as she netted her twelfth goal of twelve games. As per usual, an astonishing statistic only rivalled by assorted goobers like Alan Belmore of Spaamian Wherever-the-hell-it-is and the usual one-man-shows like Fmjphoenix and Oliverry. Johan Keifner hit his fifth goal of the campaign to land himself equal-third with Simeone Di Bradini and Zhorin Tumunzahar on the wonder of forty-four goals that is becoming less of a wonder as this campagin goals along. Dasha Tolkacheva broke it with a bang last time out, while its happened twice this campaign.

With just two matches to go, Starblaydia are ten points clear of Bettia, who lie just three above Tynelia. There is just the one other place to be decided, and most of the clever money is going on Bettia. Expect Tynelia to go well in the Cup of Harmony, though.

Starblaydia confirmed themselves a Matchday 'fifteen' friendly as they will host Bazalonia. More details on that to come, including stadium information, soon.

After the training:

"Mister Frankton, do you have any favorites in the lentinic election?" Goalkeeper Jeri Kis asked his coach.

"Ah Jeri... you shouldn't ask such questions... I am no inikresaist, neither Hanta nor Sene nor Rahika and how the countless other denominations are called."

"And you manage to stay perfectly neutral? Even towards Haxada?"

"I don't like how he treats me, but I do not want to be dragged in this. You are blogging this or why do you ask?"

"I have no idea who I should prefer... and in contrast to you, I will need to vote."

"So why do you ask me of all persons?"

"I know that I can trust your judgments and your interpretations."

"Jeri..." Frankton looks at him closely "it's a purely ceremonial title... I do not see how it should affect Rejistania that much."

"We talked about lentine'tan?"

"This weird magic, which appears in your myths?"

"Exactly that. The Head of State will have no real functions, but he has kentine'tan, which means his actions affect all rejistanians and harm against him is harm against the rejistanian people."

"You believe in that?"

"A majority does. This is why the hanta-inikresaists were content with High-Priest Haxada as head of state. Even if lentine'tan is not existing in a scientific sense, it works just as a placebo also cures diseases..."

"And you wonder under whose representative influence you'd most likely want to be?"

"Yes"

"Promise me not to tell a word of what I say now."

"In the name of the Sky above me and the Ground below me, in the name of Fall and Rise, in the name of Kansu and Simu, I promise not to tell!"

Frankton was slightly amused by the ceremonial way of swearing, but didn't show it. He know that for the Rejistanians this wasn't even slightly strange. "I do prefer the Jandi-inikresaists. High-Priest Xaharil impressed me much when I heard him on Radijo Saliril."

A reporter from the Na~ovi National switched off his precision microphone and takes out his cell phone. People always think there is no cell phone-service in Rejistania, which is not true. the only problem is that Exema is the only provider with a decent infrastructure. This means nearly the same as ' no cell phone-service' only with higher costs and annoying advertising in Free TV. This person however was lucky to be in the few areas with reception. "Hejida. Asuril'namin!" (Hello. Asuril here) He waited a bit. "mi'halen mer'temen!" (it's fucking urgent!) again the person on the other end said something "xe'la'visko: mi'halen mer'temen! ... il'dimil su? ... il'hadada xe su? ILID'IL! MER'SLANI SELME!!" (I said: it is fucking urgent! You hear? You understand me? WAIT! FUCKING SHIT!) with that he beat on the phone and ran off to the nearest telephone booth to tell what he just heard. I did not say he was in an area with decent reception, did I?

Only hours later, the newspaper spread the news about the preference of Frankton'he in the election into every city and every village. There was no point in lieing. Frankton'he did not sue for spreading false information in order to destroy the reputation but for invasion of privacy and disrespect of private communication.

Despite the 2:1 against Champlaign, the Orange-Blues are well-respected and Frankton'he was swimming on the wave of sympathy and respect after reaching the vinali tikira in the last world cup. This meant, the formerly-obscure candidate Xaharil of the Jandi-inikresaists suddenly was among the favorites.

And... It's Over.
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Atherlon. Better luck next time, Hawks. As usual. Odd that a team consistently ranked just outside the top 32 should have such extraordinary trouble getting into the World Cup. Odd that the team fails every time Lloyd Vargas is in the driver's seat. Odd that he was replaced and then they put him back in charge. A whole lot of odd things.

Even though Haraki beat Tessan 4-3 in a spectacular show of football, McPsychoville won and got the three points they needed to get ahead of Haraki. The Hawks played well, but it wasn't up to them in the end. They can still fight for a better place and a slightly less embarassing run overall, but the World Cup is gone once again. And what a pity.

This was the last chance for some of Haraki's veterans to make World Cup (and Hawks') history with something spectacular. The team is losing Mike Zendar, Thomas Neils and Mark Stone, as well as reserve midfield Luke Ford and forward Alicia Ribald, all of whom are retiring, at least from international football. On the bright side, a good pool of talent will be coming into their own just in time for World Cup 31.

First of all there's Charles Fense. Reservist forward, you all know him as Mike Zendar's replacement these past games thanks to a sprained ankle. He's been responsible for several of our victories, and has probably clinched the spot that Zendar's vacating for the next two years at least. Christopher O'Hara will remain the keeper - though once hailed as the new Mark Stone, we've recently seen some dismal performances that throw that into doubt. Maybe he hit his prime at seventeen - and Theo Angelica will probably take Neils' spot at defensive midfield.

In coming years we will probably see the retirement of some more of the Hawks' talent. Julie Vern, Samantha Ribald, Jonah Menike, Werner Vittenbach - They're all aging, and I'd say they've each got no more than four years left. We'll probably see them phased out of the team over the next two World Cups, for younger, brighter talent. Hopefully it will bring out some of the stars that Haraki has waiting in high schools, universities and club teams, to take their place on the field and make us back at home proud. The players are not a problem. The age will no longer limit the Hawks on the field. The coaching, however...

Lloyd Vargas needs to be removed, today. Although he has been responsible for some success over the past few years (Little enough of it) - he brought us second place in the Baptism of Fire and qualified us for World Cup 28, in which we had one win over Praying2God. That about sums up the Hawks' accomplishments under Vargas. Of course, his successor did no better. A meek weasel of a man, he brought us nothing but failure in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega's invitational tournament, and Vargas got his comfortable seat back. But his style does not work for the Hawks. We consistently lose and lose, break late and never make it far enough. In this run we only found our stride after six games. Six games! Six games into a fourteen-game qualification series, we became the Haraki Hawks. And it had already cost us dearly, as now we will not be heading to the monumental World Cup Thirty.

The Hawks need a complete overhaul. Losing the captain and some of the best players to be replaced by younger ones means nothing if we do not replace the coaching staff as well. If the Hawks undertook a complete overhaul of the team from the neck down, replacing everyone to do with coaching, some of the players, and bringing on the best new ones, we could have a shot at World Cup Thirty-One. As is, under Vargas, my hopes could well be dashed once again.

I want Haraki to succeed! Really, I do! I would like nothing more in the world than for Haraki to win the World Cup! But it's just not going to happen. Not in the near future, at least. Maybe not in my lifetime. Maybe never. But I'll keep hoping. And my hopes will keep being dashed.

Until next time, dear readers. Until next time.

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

A LOSS AND A DRAW
Porn Stars Probe and Thrust, But Just Can't Penetrate

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent


Rumours that HEFA, who have recently realised their mistake in entering porn stars into World Cup xXx, would withdraw the adult entertainers and enter real football players over the final few matches proved unfounded over the last two matchdays as the Imperials were soundly beaten by Az-Cz before earning a draw against Nebuleux.

"When we're on the attack, we probe and thrust, but just can't penetrate" said team coach Dirk Slaughter, apparently unaware that millions of 14 year old boys were breaking out in giggles at his unintentionally suggestive interview.

Possibly the only highlight of either match was a surprisingly good cross from Pussy Willow to supply Curcuaso for the only goal against the gnomes. The lesbian superheroine porn star later revealed the cross was an accident as she was in fact attempting to pass the ball backwards to Huang Hau Loh in goal, but miskicked so badly it turned into a real cross.

Having embarrassed themselves by entering a team of criminals and rejects in World Cup 25, a squad of imagined Dream Simulacra in World Cup 28, and a squad of porn stars in World Cup 30, HEFA are believed to be petitioning the Basileus to be permitted to enter a team of real football players in World Cup 31. "This is a nation with a proud and ancient footballing history reaching back to World Cup 1" said an anonymous source "we shouldn't be allowing ourselves to be a laughing stock".

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

One More Point?
Tie against Lowlands seal qualification...loss means trouble on final day

Eastentown - Down to the nitty gritty, Malli's Army is looking to scare the bejebus out of us.

Thanks to a 3-0 victory over Benlandngdo at the Strikers Fieldhouse, led by Malaki Uroals with his own hatrick in the 12th, 32nd and 39th minutes, the Orange Stars Continue to hold the runner-up slot in Group 1 qualifiers at 26 points.

And thanks to The Lowland Clans and Spaamanian Plijous playing essentially a knockout game, the National Team has only a need for a tie against The Lowland Clans, who we loss to in an ungly final 10 minutes there, to score consecutive qualifications to the Finals. Malli wisely avoided discussing the possibility of qualifying after their 3-0 victory in Star Point, rather focusing on how his subs faired in the second half against Benlandngdo.

"Mill Aroyai is rather exciting, isn't he," Malli asked the press after the sub from City missed on two attempts to add another goal, but considering his speed against a weakened Benlandngdo defense may just make him look better than he normally is. Aroyai has scored only 3 goals in City's runner-up slot in the 1940 SuperCup and pretty much useless in Astur's cup runs. He also praised Ashley Rjial, the keeper who subbed for normal striker Niome Washington. With Malli linked with a coaching job in the Striker territory, many think his interest in the sub is more due to showing his interest in running Star Point during their return to the top flight.

The National team heads up the M12 to Douala Grand Palace for the return match against The Lowland Clans. Expectations are high on the side, as they can clinch the Finals with at least a tie (provided Plijous lose or tie just to ice it). A loss means the club must win over Errinundera or luck out with another tie and some help to make their fourth ever run for the cup.

Which hopefully will result in two points or more in the Group Stage.

Three Rivers Times
“Voted ‘Best Crossword Puzzle’ five years running”

Losing streak continues with 5-1 drubbing by McPsychoville

MCPSYCHOVILLE – No epic upsets for the Aurendia Raptors this time. McPsychoville played like the 24th ranked team in the world should play when facing the 135th team, securing qualification with a 5-1 victory.

The onslaught began in the fifth minute, and when the whistle sounded for halftime the score stood at 4-0 McPsychoville. Reserve forward Tom Lamorieaux managed a lone goal for the Raptors midway through the second, but it was too little too late. McPsychoville responded with another goal of their own, finishing with the 5-1 score.

With Casari and McPsychoville locking up the qualifying spots from the group, all that’s left to determine is positioning. With two matches left, the Raptors sit in fifth place, four points behind Haraki and five back of third place Iansisle. To finish better than fifth, the Raptors need to win their last two games. With some help from the rest of the group, a third or fourth-place finish is still possible. Two points for either Haraki or Iansisle would almost guarantee that they finish ahead of the Raptors.

The Isangrad Times

Well, At Least Orthodoxy Triumphed Today...
Magnus Valerius loses to NMS after a three-game winning streak

It was a pressure game today for the Boyars, who had to keep up their mighty and strong three-matchday run against the bottom of the list. Just because they came away with three wins did not mean that the Boyars could not rest on their laurels. The tough competition started on today's matchday with New Montreal States. Next on the list comes ASMV and Harlesburg, the latter which the Boyars want to burn so badly for an embarrassing 4:1 loss. However, as today's game would show today, the Boyars are now out of the running for qualifying, but that doesn't mean that they could aspire to third place (a respectable position, garnered by the Boyars in the last World Cup). Third rank in the Group would mean that we actually tried to qualify...

The game started off with the Valerian defense trying to hold off the pressure from NMS's National Can of Whoopass. While Bobrinsky, Lucinius, and de la Ronge struggled, Sibel was doing good and helped deny early NMS goal attempts. With the defense trying to hold their ground, the offense, however, found the NMS defense so tight that they were kept running in circles from NMS turf back to Valerian turf to retrieve rejected goals. George Illyanich dived in, only to be refused by Paul Chasson five times.

Well, I guess NMS doesn't triumph Petr Hunyadi as the master of counterattack for nothing. After George Illyanich, Jonathon Song, and Kyrill Feodorov played an offensive that turned up nothing, Hunyadi snatched the ball and took advantage of the Valerian midfield (which had spread out on the offensive taken by the three aforementioned Valerian players). Hunyadi breezed through the midfield and then managed to push through and disarray the Boyar defense before making in a shot over Sibel's extended arms. Hunyadi cheered, "GOAAAAAAAL!"

The Valerians were not too shocked. New Montreal States is a World Cup "Super Vet" and is undoubtedly more able than Magnus Valerius. After NMS tied to a nil-all draw with Magnus Valerius in The Paladin Dome, New Montreal, it makes sense that they have come to the Immortal's Field in Tabriz, Magnus Valerius to exact revenge. However, "revenge" is a harsh word for Orthodox brothers. Perhaps "collection on a debt or interest" is better.

As the first half ended, the Valerians managed to keep NMS away from the goal for now. However, the game was far from over, and NMS will keep its lead on the Boyars for the rest of the game, to the dismay of people wanting the Boyars to do well. (Well, they have been doing well, with a really good GD for the national team, but they are stuck in 4th).

The second half began with a quickly demoralized Boyars trying to desperately equalize the gap between them and New Montreal States but with little luck. Even the Tower of Power George Illyanich could not make it past the NMS goalkeeper, who made up for the somewhat lacking NMS defense (in terms of capability). After a sixth daring run by George Illyanich turned up nothing, the NMS took and held the ball from the Boyars and decided to make things much worse for the Boyars.

Gilles Villeneuve decided to try and make the NMS lead over the Boyars a 2-point lead to help cement their game hegemony and to keep the aggressive Boyars from trying to win the game. At the 67th minute, Villeneuve came in from behind Bobrinsky, who attempted a steal, and knocked in the ball between Sibel's legs; it was a bit of an embarrassment for the big, bad star goalkeeper of the Boyars. And after that goal, the Boyars were left in frustration as they could not get a goal past the NMS goalkeeper, Paul Chasson.

The game ended 0:2, with the Boyars on the losing end; after today, the Boyars are all but mathematically eliminated from the World Cup Qualifiers. Better luck next cup.

Final Score

Magnus Valerius 0:2 New Montreal States

Scorers

New Montreal States

Petr Hunyadi - 1 (34)
Gilles Villeneuve - 1 (67)

THE GROUP STANDINGS


Pl W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 12 9 1 2 33 7 26 28
New Montreal States 12 8 3 1 29 7 22 27
Harlesburg 12 8 1 3 18 15 3 25
Magnus Valerius 12 6 3 3 25 15 10 21
Green wombat 12 6 1 5 18 20 -2 19
Lexington SC 12 4 0 8 16 30 -14 12
Horgate 12 1 1 10 2 23 -21 4
Carvalo 12 0 2 10 7 31 -24 2

Boyar Top Scorers!

G. Illyanich - 8
J. d'Anjou - 3
K. Feodorov - 3
K. von Stoffel - 3
G. Ioannidis - 2
Y. Bashkirsky - 1
I. Mendeleev - 1
J. Song - 1
B. Ungvar - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1

Orthodoxy Watch

Our Holy and Most Respected Brethren in The Archregimancy are still having communication issues, much like Magnus Valerius did when an electromagnetic storm hit the nation and knocked out communications for a while. The Archregimandrites believe that schismatics (Catholics) are the main problem behind their issues, for which Valerian Catholics denounced; followers of the Valerian Orthodox Church shrugged.

"Maybe their issue comes from those heathen Muslims of Bettia and Alif Laam Miim. Heathens such as them have tried to stamp out Orthodoxy (and Zoroastrianism too) with the destruction of the Sassanids and Medean Culture and the weakening (and eventual destruction) of the Byzantine Empire, so why not mess with the Holiest of Orthodox Nations?" mused Patriarch Feodor III. "After all, their atrocities against Orthodoxy brought those ill-mannered and avaricious Catholics into the picture..."

Other than that, The Archregimancy struggles with a 0-0 draw with Ten Thousand Maggots! They be the spawn of the devil, those damnable larvae! The Archregimancy sits in 2nd in its group, with Quakmybushsomethingother at the top and Hockey Canuckia... er, Canada, trailing a little ways below.


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 0:0
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1
MD7.5: Friendly games
MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC --- W 4:0
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:2
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States --- L 0:2
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

No more RP before MD13 (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11635990#post11635990) comes out, thank you very much...

KA: "Gimma One More Win"
Starblaydia aim for 100% perfection

With Starblaydia having just one more match to go, they can, for the first time, earn themselves a 100% winning record throughout a Qualifying Campaign. Revious campaigns have never seen a zero in both the 'Draws' and 'Losses' columns and Azanulbizarn can be the first Starblaydi coach to acheive that if his team take three points against AwalKB when they travel there for the final Matchday.

Though this will undoubtedly be an excellent acheivement, one must really consider the opposition before patting Azanulbizarn so wholeheartedly on the back. Montegrande? AwalKB? Nikea? Spindomia? Oh please, gimme a break, more like.

The good part about this win is that it was perpetrated by a second-string side, young and inexperienced with few caps to their collective names. Perhaps the most well-known of the starters, Donii, was as-ever at the heart of the creativity of the Starblaydi attack, linking up well with Rajko Dakic and Lawrence Asante, who bagged two second-half goals to seal an excellent scoreline.

Also noteable was Christian Averette, who's role at right-back does constrain his attacking attentions, but without an equally-excellent left wing-back Starblaydia will remain as a flat-backed four. Don't forget to mention Luis Jover Navarro Ruiz, who netted his first goal in only his fourth international appearance. This classy young sweeper did well after Asante's header from a corner was blocked, and young Luis stuck out his boot and Starblaydia were 2-0 up.

All in all, this match showed much promise for Starblaydia's future, with formidable young players all ready to take the step up to full international competition. The future's bright, the future's purple.

Final score:
Starblaydia 5 - 0 Montegrande
(Donii 23, Navarro Ruiz 27, Averette 51, Asante 53 & 76) - (None)

Holding on to the lead

On paper, it was going to be a rather easy match, but Ariddia was not prepared to underestimate their opponents. A large crowd of spectators welcomed the team from Lylybium to Haven-Port-Nouvea Stadium, and, after the ritual ulek, the match was underway.

Perhaps disheartened at being eliminated, Lylybium did not put up all that much of a fight, defending as best they could but making only temporary incursions into the Ariddian side. Goalkeeper Awad al Maharmeh handled those skillfully, and Lylybium were unable to find the Ariddian net. Which left the Rouge-et-Noirs free to try and score as many as they could.

For the first time in a World Cup match, team captain Hanifah Kyaw scored all three of her side’s goals, receiving loud cheers as she netted a third in the seventy-seventh minute.

“With her on the team, we’ll win the World Cup!” one excited fan exclaimed. Ariddians have been waiting a hundred and fifteen years to win the tournament their ancestors founded. The Ariddian Football Association has admitted that its target, for now, is to reach the quarter-finals.

“And then win the quarter-final match and reach the semis, of course,” one AFA spokesman added with a grin.

The big match of Group 9, however, pitted Yafor 2 against Spruitland, and saw the former consolidate their lead with a two-one win. Which means the top spot in the group is still very much within the Yaforites’ reach.

In other news, 19 year-old Xavier Xu ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu) of Ariddia has accepted an invitation to spend a year at the Erriundera Football Academy, and has expressed his gratitude at what he calls “a unique and very exciting opportunity”.

* Funky theme music *

Dazza: He ho, Jeruselem fans. It's party time!
Rachel: Yes, it's party time at THE FOOTBALL LIFE

Dazza: Never mind about Rachel's minor problem, never mind about life's worries.
Rachel: It's official, Jeruselem have qualified for the World Cup triple ex
Dazza: Yes, for Jeruselem it's official. But for the other two, maybe not
Rachel: We'll tell you right now why

Dazza: 2nd last game of qualification games and Harry Kool puts of the teen brigade
Rachel: Sounds like the dumbest thing a coach could do at this time of a World Cup
Dazza: But but, guess who we played?
Rachel: Hint - they are a crap team!

Dazza: Yes, it was The Greatest Crap. The teen brigade including myself and my reluctant partner Finn, didn't disappoint. We beat them FOUR ONE and we have a top 2 spot cemented.
Rachel: On the table, we move from 29 to 32 points.
Dazza: You say, wait there's one game left? But look again.
Rachel: The best Wentland can do is 31 points! On goal difference, they will fall short too. Say they win their next two game - 25 + 6 = 31. We cannot drop out of the top 3. And we will probably win our last game as well guys.

Dazza: Now, the question is - did Wentland win their game? Actually, they did. Delesa who just can't win because they watch the videos of the wrong football team lost to Wentland. Wentland did have a fight but prevailed TWO ONE. Now, on match day 12 they were on 25 points but move to 28. Yes, they can make the top 2 because of an upset. One we never expected.
Rachel: Wentland must be happy with the upset, but what was it?

Dazza: You know the team called Marceau State? We call the Frenchies. Surrendering Frenchies? NO, not today. Cataduanes got hammered FOUR ONE by the Frenchies! Yes, it's like Napolean all over again. Cataduanes needed the win and they would have qualified with ease as they would have 32 points too. A draw for the Cataduanes would give them 30 points - a 2 point buffer over Wentland, but the Frenchies WANTED MORE.
Rachel: Massive upset and the Cataduanes team are watching their back. Wentland on 28 points, and they are on 29.

Dazza: What does this mean? If Wentland win, then the Cataduanes need a draw or a win. A draw is enough due to goal difference unless Wentland beat someone TEN NIL. Wentland MUST win and Cataduanes cannot afford to lose. Jeruselem can sit down and say, we are here to stay.
Rachel: Match day 13, lucky for us.

Dazza: Oh the other games! The Islanders beat the Oakies TWO ONE. Dead rubbers but Oakies proving as bad the Crap team.
Rachel: Our friends are doing well too.

Dazza: On match day 12, Nedalia has the record as Jeruselem. 9 wins, 2 draws and a loss. They had to play Bedistan - the Lions we all fear. TWO LIONS teams in a titanic battle!
Rachel: And our LIONS won. Nedalia BEAT Bedistan FOUR THREE. Game of the round! The best game of this round, no joking.
Dazza: Both teams were Lions, but Nedalia had the bigger teeth today.
Rachel: Nedalia move to 32 points and have qualified with no doubt. In fact they can steal top spot from the Bedistan team.

Dazza: Our friend Hockey Canada are hanging on, just.
Rachel: They wasted a fantastic chance with a wasteful draw with Bostopia, 1 ALL. ONLY 1 point. It moves them to 25 points and still 3rd.
Dazza: BUT the mighty Monks beat Quak-My-Bush TWO NIL. The Monks move to 29 points and cannot drop out of the top 2. They have qualified. The Bushies are stuck on 27 points.
Rachel: So, Monks need not pray to God anymore. Canucks must win and get 28 points. The Bushies cannot lose if Canucks win due to their goal difference, so they must win or draw.

Dazza: Oh, good news for Yaforites. Many were thinking taking on a Jeruselem coach to push Yafor 2 into the World Cup qualifiers was a stupid idea. Now, eat those words critics. Yafor 2 have done it.
Rachel: Lisa's team beat the Bunnies or Spruitland TWO ONE. Yes, these two teams were fighting for one of two spots in Group 9. The Bunnies lost and Yafor 2 are through.
Dazza: Actually Arridia won too but we kinda expected that. Arridia on 32 points like Jeruselem and Yafor 2 on 30 points. The Bunnies are on 26 and cannot make it now.

Dazza: Speaking of Bunnies!
Rachel: I bet some of you have not been listening. You're just staring at our outfits? Looking at pointy bits and curvy bits through the top and shorts ..
Dazza: We're wearing prototype Jeruselem cheerleader outfits
Rachel: There are tight but they once you get them on, no problems!

Dazza: Cheerleaders you ask, Jeruselem don't use them at the World Cup - ever!
Rachel: JGN though we look like cheerleaders so err, yeah. But, girls these are now on sale. Wear them when you man is on the pitch and be the cheerleader. Shake it all around too.
Dazza: And they are waterproof, because I spilled energy drink on myself by accident. Easy cleaned off.
Rachel: And no, they aren't transparent when wet.

Dazza: One more match for the wedding contest, you'd forget. Do it now, or it will be all over.
Rachel: Be brave, commit I did - and I did it on TV. Do it people!

Dazza: Just a short rant! Some folks think my point bits are silicon.
Rachel: She'd show you, but it's not allowed on Jeruselem TV. Otherwise she would
Dazza: Anyway, they are real - no silicon in this babe.
Rachel: Well that's it for the FOOTBALL LIFE today. Jeruselem have qualified while Wentland and Cataduanes fight for the last spot. Just party folks, because Nedalia and Yafor 2 qualified too.

Dazza: Sweet dreams <dances>
Rachel: Don't excite the viewers too much Dazza!
Dazza: You're talking to former cheerleader

Group 8
Marion Oaks 2 1 - 2 United Island Empires
Marceau State 4 - 1 Cataduanes
Delesa 1 - 2 Wentland
The Greatest Crap 1 - 4 Jeruselem

Group 9
Yafor 2 2 - 1 Spruitland

Group 10
Bostopia 1 - 1 Hockey Canada
The Archregimancy 2 - 0 Quakmybush

Group 13
Nedalia 4 - 3 Bedistan

"I can't beleive it. Neil's getting us to go up against the purple force, we're on the cusp of national soccer history and we are going to ****ing Starblaydia to compete against the number one team ON THEIR HOME TURF." Said Andrew Creek to his Brother Anthony in a bar in Cantinople after their match with System Karela.

"Well, we still are a good chance at qualification with the *unexpected loud noise* of a match against System Karela here in Cantinople and Gesienfried just had a much of a *a different loud noise* against Ropa-Topia. Speaking of Geseinfried, what about the away match we had with them?" Anthony

"I'm still fuming about the Starblaydi friendly and having found out about it through the media, but not any media but Starblaydi media anyway yes the Geisenfried draw, 2-all. It was hard fought match. Admittidly I didn't think the ASPIREants would put up such a fight. The home crowd just put the team into overdrive."

"Yeah, though Peter Hobble and Michael Irchov did do a good job getting the goals. I think we just underestimated them on their home soil. and that was that. Actually I think I have a reason. Do you know way back somewhere in the first leg of the qualifier? I think we lost or drew a team we should have one against. Maybe it was a punishment for that, either that or just a way to say that Starblaydia is the style of country we'll be facing during the World Cup and just because we have gotten to the world cup for the first time does not mean that we'll do anything that could be considered 'well'" Anthony

"Maybe but I'm hungry and foods just arrived so be quiet." said Andrew as he dug into a juicy Bazalope steak

........

Meanwhile at a press conference at the BFSA HQ

"Thank you everyone for coming and I am happy to confirm reports of an away friendly for the Bazalopes against the purple powerhouse that is the Starblaydian national team. The match will be home and will be used for preperation for the World Cup, should we qualify with the results of the last matchday determining this or should we approach the cup of harmony, should we not qualify. Either way the match will be seen as vital reality check We have been improving so much that we need to put us against the best in the world so we know where we truly stand in the world of soccer."

A reporter stood up and asked "Why in Starblaydia and not at a neutral venue or here in Bazalonia?"

"Well the answer is simple, this match is going to be very hard and the Bazalopes are certainly are battling up a steep hill, but I will not go into reasons why, but this is apart of our preperation strategy for whatever tournament we end up in. If we are put into the cup of Harmony I'll be looking forward to winning it. Okay thank you."

((Tynelia RP))

Tynelia Wins But End Near

Tynelia continued its strong World Cup run with a high scoring 4-2 win over Awal KB. Jay Masterson began the scoring with a pair of goals at the 25th and 43rd minutes sandwiched around an Awal KB goal. Alan MacDougal then added the third goal at the 65th minute giving the team a 3-1 lead. Late in the game veteran Troy Wallace came off the bench and added his first goal in this cup at the 85th minute before Awal KB added the final tally of the day in extra time.

However when coupled with Bettia's 3-0 shutout of Spindomia, Tynelia's cahcnes to move are are all but nil. Tynelia must make up a 13 goal difference on Bettia with one match to play as well as trialing by three points. While not officially eliminated Tynelian Coach Adam Billington admits all that's left for the team is to finish on a winning note and add to their already record setting performance in World Cup play. As it stands Tynelia has already broken their all time points record of 24. A win would no doubt further help an expected large move up the rankings when group play ends.

Quakmybush Loss, Win Needed against Demot

The Quakmybush National Soccer team continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run. The team lost 2-0 to The Archregimancy. In what was a very good game for both teams, The Archregimancy just got a few more bounces. With the Quakmybush loss and the Archregimancy win, along with the Hockey Canada win, the table of teams that can still qualify looks like this.

Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy 13 9 2 2 29 26 11 15
Quakmybush 13 8 3 2 27 21 11 10
Hockey Canada 13 7 4 2 25 27 7 20

The Archregimancy is locked in to qualify, and they will take on Palixia to see if they can lock up first place. So it's Quakmybush and Hockey Canada battling for the last spot. Quakmybush takes on Demot, who they defeated 3-1 earlier in the qualifying. Hockey Canada takes on Ten Thousand Maggots, who they crushed 4-0 earlier in the qualifiers. However, Ten Thousand Maggots has improved as a squad and could maybe pull an upset. So here are the scenarios.

Quakmybush win: Quakmybush in.
Quakmybush draw: need a Hockey Canada draw or loss to advance
Quakmybush loss: need a Hockey Canada draw or loss to advance

Hockey Canada win: need a Quakmybush loss or draw to advance
Hockey Canada draw: Quakmybush advances
Hockey Canada loss: Quakmybush advances

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greg Hughes sat their, he had been in this position before, last World Cup, it came down to the last day, last time they drew Tynelia and snuck in by 2 points. This time they had to beat Demot, which they should be able to do, it was just the pressure, there was so much. The team needed to porve that they were more than a "upstart" or that they are better then a "lucky team" they needed to make a statement, they needed to get in. He sat and looked over Demot's roster, and then his, and then he penciled in the same starting eleven that he had always used, he hoped they could win. All they needed was a win, thats it.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Irrelevant Sports Publication

Waffles Just A Point Away

The Waffles nearly choked against a Peturbed Lepoard team intent on giving
away the wodden spoon last night. A highly defensive outfit managed to
keep the game scoreless, and Spaam's top goal-scorers at bay, for almost
and hour and a half, before late piece of brilliance from Mar'h Menadue. A
well execute steal on the left flank in the 87th minute, gave the forward an
opportunity to shoot for goal, and looked like it might miss until it went in
square in the upper right corner of goal.

The win means that the Waffles need just one more point to qualify for the
World Cup, and face a good chance when they host Vuam and Isma at
Artanis National Stadium next Saturday night. If Spaam lose, they will have
to hope that Eseck can hold on against an impressive Rorysville outfit.

Peturbed Lepoard 0 - 1 Spaam
(14 Menadue 87')

Results

Vuam and Isma 5 - 0 Eseck
Rorysville 0 - 2 Krytenia
Risa-Aramour 4 - 0 Tocapa

Vuam and Isma flexed their goal scoring muscles ahead of their crucial away
game against the Waffles, putting in five against Eseck. Rorysville tried but
had no answer to the unbeaten Krytenia, falling by two to the delight of the
Spaam fans. And Risa-Aramour kept their one-in-a-million chances alive,
downing Tocapa by four.

Krytenia finishes on top, while Spaam is now back in second place and two
ahead of Rorysville. The Waffles now just need a draw (unless Rorysville win
by seven) to qualify. Vuam and Isma and Risa-Aramour are mathematically
still in the race, but V&I would have to pull an upset and hope Rorysville don't
win, while Risa-Aramour would have to score a world record eleven goals
against Krytenia. Eseck are safe from the wooden spoon and will finish no
lower than seventh, while Peturbed Lepoard still has a chance of giving the
wooden spoon to Tocapa if they win by enough.

World Cup XXX Qualifiers

Group 1
Joy for the Heartland, with Liverpool England first, Chicanada second.

Group 2
Milchama and Oliverry qualified a long time ago, but the order is still yet to be
decided, with just one point between them. They face each other next
week, and a heavily favoured home Oliverry win will give them first, Milchama
otherwise.

Group 3
Casari and McPsychoville have qualified, but again, only one point between
them. Casari would need to no more than draw against 102nd ranked Tessan
for McPsychoville to steal top spot, and as they face Iansisle next week, we
think that unlikely.

Group 4
Squornshelous first, Becquerelia second.

Group 5
Krytenia first, and either Spaam, Rorysville, Vuam and Isma, or Risa-Aramour
second. Spaam are favourites, but Rorysville stand a good chance. Vuam
and Isma could pull an upset, while its 1000000-1 for Risa-Aramour.

Group 6
Starblaydia first with a perfect record, Bettia almost certainly second, with
Tynelia only mathematically in with a chance.

Group 7
Commerce Height first, Tadjikistan second.

Group 8
Jeruselem almost certainly first, with Cataduanes only mathematically possible
of taking it away. Cataduanes is now only one point ahead of Wentland, who
face the Greatest Crap next week. Unless Cataduanes win, Wentland can
steal second away.

Group 9
Ariddia and Yafor 2 have qualified, with just the order to be decided. There
are just two points between them, so if Yafor 2 beat Rordia, and Ariddia lose
to their hosts, Spruitland, then Yafor 2 can take first place away from the
World Cup founders. Spruitland finish in third, thanks to their loss to Yafor 2.

Group 10
The Archregimancy have qualified, and will finish in first unless they lose to
hosts Palixia, or draw and Quakmybush have a big win. Quakmybush will
qualify unless they don't beat Demot at home, and Hockey Canadia beat Ten
Thousand Maggots at home.

Group 11
Total n Utter Insanity first with a perfect record, Fmjphoenix second.

Group 12
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega have qualified in first. Harlesburg and New Montreal
States are fighting for second with just a point between them, and face an
away game against Magnus Valerius, and a home game against ASMV
respectively. If Harlesburg win and NMS fail to beat ASMV, then Harlesburg
will snatch second away from the world number sevens.

Group 13
Bedistan and Nedalia have qualified, but the order is yet to be decided, with
just one point between them. If Nedalia beat the Candrian Empire and
Bedistan fail to beat Az-Cz at home, the Nedalia can steal first away from the
world's second best team.

Group 14
Rejistania have qualified on top. Bazalonia and Geisenfried are fighting for
second spot with just a point separating them. If Bazalonia fail to beat
Ropa-Topia and Geisenfried defeat Commerce Heights JSY, then Geisenfried
will qualify ahead of Bazalonia. Dance 2 Revolution will finish in fourth, unless
the beat Rejistania at home and Geisenfried lose to Commerce Heights JSY.

Group 15
Sarzonia have qualified in first. Northern Caesarea and Kaze Progressa are
against fighting for second with just a point separating them. Kaze Progressa
host Northern Caesarea next week, and will qualify if they win.

Must-Watch Matches

Here are our picks for the top five games you must see next week!

Spaam vs Vuam and Isma
The must-see game of the week. Spaam will qualify if they win, and all but if
they draw. Vuam and Isma can steal the second spot away if they can beat
the Waffles by at least three, pending other results. Expect a record crowd
at Artanis National Stadium.

Kaze Progressa vs Northern Caesarea
The match to decide second in Group 15. Definitely a must-see. Can the
team ranked 74th in the world qualify for their first world cup against a
veteran nation?

New Montreal States vs Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
The world number seven team need to beat their group's top performing team
in order to qualify. If they don't, they could very well face an surprise early
exit.

Oliverry vs Milchama
They've both qualified, but this is the match to decide top spot.

Cataduanes vs Delesa
What looks like an ordinary match to most is actually Wentland's best chance
at qualifying. If Cataduanes fail to win, the world's biggest complainer will
probably qualify.

Next Week

Spaam need just a draw to ensure they qualify for the World Cup, and will be
favourites at home against Vuam and Isma, who are intent on spoiling the
party since they still have a slim chance. Risa-Aramour would have to cause
the upset of the century when they head to Krytenia next week to qualify.
More likely is that they'll stay in fifth position. Tocapa and Peturbed Lepoard
face off in the wooden spoon match, with the visitors needing a convincing
win to avoid last place. And Eseck would love to take Rorysville down, who
need a win to have any chance of qualifying for their first World Cup.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 12 1 0 43 7 36 37 86
Spaam 8 2 3 29 12 17 26 71
Rorysville 7 3 3 28 18 10 24 61
Vuam and Isma 7 2 4 26 13 13 23 67
Risa-Aramour 7 2 4 27 23 4 23 54
Eseck 2 1 10 9 41 -32 7 18
Tocapa 1 3 9 14 36 -22 6 28
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 12 5 31 -26 3 14

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 12
4 Crewenna Roskelly 7
14 Mar'h Menadue 4
20 Eseld Retallack 2
2 Gorran Chegwidden 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4:0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2:2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1:0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0:2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6:0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2:0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2:2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3:2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2:1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam 1:3 Krytenia
11 Spaam 2:0 Tocapa
12 Eseck 0:3 Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard 0:1 Spaam
14 Spaam ?:? Vuam and Isma

The Nedalia Lions

My Lion Can Beat Up Your Lion!

Kafra, Nedalia – When the Nedalia Lions traveled northeast to the Grand Dominion of Bedistan to face their Lions on MD6, they were taught a rough lesson not soon to be forgotten. Sam Dilford commented after the match that a World Cup contender, which Nedalia hopes to be, would get itself back on its feet, put the 5-0 loss behind them, and continue their impressive campaign thus far.

Fast forward to MD13, where the Bedistan Lions traveled southwest to Nedalia in order to book their spot as No.1 in Group 13 and further enhance their reputation as potential World Cup winners. Widely acclaimed to be the best team in world football today in Nedalia, the B.Lions had confidence and momentum on their side. What they were not expecting, however, was the sheer determination and fight that Nedalia delivered infront of 100,000 people in its home stadium, finally emerging victors in one of the most vicious battles to be seen this qualifying campaign in any group. As our counterparts, and very good friends, in Jeruselem said, “The match of the round.”

With the record between the two teams tied at 1-1 overall (Nedalia defeated Bedistan 1-0 in the AOCAF IX 2nd round), it was to be a battle for the rights to become the AO’s “Strongest Lion”, a fight to become leader of the pride. The stadium could be felt vibrating when the Nedalian national anthem played out, and the team responded accordingly. However, it was the Bedistanis who took the lead in the 9th minute, after Nedalia Premier League player Anthony Hall delivered a magnificent free-kick that beat GK Henry Tillment. The goal seemed to deflate Nedalia, and in the 23rd minute, Bedistan struck again through a 25 yard strike into the top left corner by Monty Salas, putting the visiting team up 2-0. Bedistan came into the match ranked #2 in the world, and they were showing why.

As the game went into the 2nd half, it was looking like a repeat of the game that took place in the Grand Dominion. The attacking football Nedalia was famous for was being neutralized and muted, and the difference between the two teams was apparently becoming obvious. However, unlike the MD6, the Nedalians came out ready to justify their national reputation as gritty, hard, and passionate people. It took only 3 minutes into the 2nd half for Tim James to score, tapping the ball past Bedistani GK Vailatai Issah to make the score 2-1. The Nedalians, already playing aggressive, immediately became further lifted by the goal, and captain Constantine socre in the 53rd minute, just 4 minutes after the 1st goal, after a wonderful display of dribbling ability. The goal sent the stadium into complete rapture, and it took a full 10 minutes to get the game to resume again.

The Nedalians, tied at 2-2, showed no signs of letting, constantly bombarding a seemingly overwhelmed Bedistani midfield and defense with a barrage of tricks and goal attempts, but Issah continued to make fantastic saves, keeping the B.Lions in the game. At the 77th minute mark, Houdini lost possession the middle of the pitch, which quickly led to a Bedistani counter attack, and Parker Law finished the attack successfully after scoring with his head off of a cross from Felipa Alansa. The stadium noise went from ear-popping to silent in a second, and eyes started looking to the floor beneath them.

However, the N.Lions on the pitch refused to give in, fighting back with a tenacious intensity that saw the Bedistanis struggling to keep up once again. In the 86th minute, it was 19 year old Marcus Iopa who delivered the equalizing goal with a thunderous 30 yard strike the sent the entire country in jubilation. However, the best was yet to come. Jesmin il-Mohafet picked up the ball just before the halfway line in injury-time and dribbled past 4 Bedistani players before chipping the ball over Issah to give the N.Lions the lead and the victory, one of the most famous in their entire history. The entire country burst into one collective roar which was rumored to be heard in Az-cz, who thought another Zimorodok was being sent towards them. It was 4-3, Nedalia, booking themselves to their 3rd successive World Cup.


Jeruselem Craps on Greatest Crap

Nevermind JGN’s announcer Rachel’s crush on several of our boys, our friends over in Jeruselem also booked their way to WC xXx tonight after showing The Greatest Crap that it really might be “all in the name” with a 4-1 victory. An impressive performance from an impressive side, one that surely will be seeing the Quarter-Finals of WC xXx, atleast.

Sam Dilford also went on the air after MD13, stating he would love to “have a collaboration between Jeruselem and our Lions before the World Cup started.” He was quoted as mentioning a two-part training camp, one to talk place in Jeruselem, and the other in Dalutha, in southern Nedalia. He also opened the invitation up to Bettia, stating confidently that “They WILL qualify.”

The Bartol Occasional
Bringing you the news... when we feel like it

Another loss added to the Tocapa national football team's record as the team fell to Risa-Aramour 4-0 in World Cup 30 qualification. Tocapa has only one game left, against last-place Perturbed Leopard on their home turf. Tocapa themselves are in second-to-last place, meaning a loss by four or more goals will net Tocapa the Wooden Spoon award in Group 5, for the lowest point total. Tocapan forward Trolo Culur had this to say: "Hey, I've been out of vork since this thing started, so I'll take any spoon I can get. Sample spoons only get you so far."

The string of losses has left many of the Tocapans who actually are paying attention in doubt of the team's chances in the Cup of Harmony, and in the future of Geraldo Ascou as head coach. One Tocapan bystander said to the Occasional, "Yeah, I've heard of this thing called football." An analrapist for the Tocapa Sports Channel stated, "Vell, it's bad, yes? Have they tried my anti-depressant pills? They really just need someone to talk to." Ascou himself declared that he was not worried, and that, "I know this guy in, um, some other country and he says I can stay there for a vhile."

The Football Division today issued a statement regarding Ascou and the Cup of Harmony: "Geraldo Ascou vill be the head coach of the team for the Cup of Harmony, 'cause everyone knows it doesn't matter," later adding, "Ve're tired and ve just vant to go home, now." Tocapan forward Stowe Erroe seemed to echo the statements, saying, "Ve are one-hundredth of a percent committed to going out there and playing, and I am one-hundred percent committed to killing my mother."

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Moose Droppings

The Moose have Gone From Second to Thiord now and Trail Spaam by 2 points with one to go. This all from the Moose Struggle and thier Slump here in the Cup of Sin.The Loss to First Place Krytenia really hurts our chances at making Rorysville Soccer history as the men have never advanced past Qualifiers.In his first full Tournament Coach Merriles has taken this team from it's worst performance to one of memeory and would love to get them into the next stages.Let's take a look at the Game

Krytenia really took advantage of Rorysville by making sure Naguanne never got free to get a chance and thus the Rorysville Offense never got going till it was too late with Goals at the 55th and 78th Minutes by Krytenian Strikers Rorysvilles hopes of a draw at the least fell short.
"welll we are in a tough spot now but I'd Rather use the climb as a test for who's got what it takes to win when we need it it's time for players who have been showing up to step up and prove to me,themselves,and all of Rorysville they have what it takes to be on the national squad."--Coach Merriles
"well this is one of the toughest losses I've ever experienced in the Moose Colours.I'm frustrated that I couldn't ever get free of the Krytenian Defenders they were clutching and grabbing at me all game everytime I thought I was free I felt a tug and there was a Defeneder maybe if I get played that tightly next match the refs will finnally call something"--Neguanne on the Loss

Group 5 Standings with 1 game to go
Group 5 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Krytenia 13 12 1 0 43 7 37 +36
Spaam 13 8 2 3 29 12 26 +17
Rorysville 13 7 3 3 28 18 24 +10
Vuam and Isma 13 7 2 4 26 13 23 +13
Risa-Aramour 13 7 2 4 27 23 23 +4
Eseck 13 2 1 10 9 41 7 -32
Tocapa 13 1 3 9 14 36 6 -22
Peturbed Lepoard 13 1 0 12 5 31 3 -26

Qualified in Green
Eliminated in Red

Rorysville's WCXXX Schedule
MD0-Wed,Aug16(Schia) @Marceau(Freindly) W 4-0
MD1-Thur,Aug17(Schia) @Spaam L 4-0
MD2-Fri,Aug18(Qutar) Tocapa W 2-0
MD3-Sun,Aug20(Schia) @Peturbed Lepoard W 3-0
MD4-Mon,Aug21(Qutar) @Vuam and Isma W 2-0
MD5-Wed,Aug23(Schia) Risa-Aramour W 4-0
MD6-Thur,Aug24(Qutar) @Krytenia D 1-1
MD7-Fri,Aug25(Qutar) Eseck W 4-0
MD7.5-Sat,Aug26(Qutar) Marceau(Freindly) W 2-1
MD8-Sun,Aug27(Qutar) Spaam W 3-2
MD9-Tue,Aug29(Schia) @Tocapa D 2-2
MD10-Wed,Aug30(Qutar) Peturbed Lepoard W 3-1
MD11-Fri,Sept1(Schia) Vuam and Isma L 2-0
MD12-Sat,Sept2(Qutar) @Risa-Armour D 4-4
MD13-Mon,Sept4(Schia) Krytenia L 2-0
MD14-Tue,Sept5(Schia) @Eseck

Now in order for Rorysville to Qualify Multiple things must happen
A win over Eseck with a Spaam Loss gaurentes Rorysville in
A win over Eseck with a Spaam Draw Rorysville has to outscore Spaam by 7
so all in all Rorysville Must win and Spaam Must lose And we go on GO MOOSE GO

Northern Caesarea 1 Farstra 0

12. Salmón ***

2. Martínez ****
4. Capdevilla 0 =>22. Ibañez (m.73)
3. Sergi *

8. Álava *** => 19. Gabi (m. 81)
6. Llano ****
10. Esquivel ***
24. Cafranga **

20. Toledo 0
7. Maragall **** => 14. Istúriz (m.69)
23. Salmerón *

--------------------------------------------------------


13. Schnieder **

2. Cooper 0
4. Roadley-Battin *
21. Godfrey **
19. Bruce 0

7. Coombes **
18. Nugent *
20. Hance *
17. Robert 0

9. Chard *
10. Coghill 0

The crack
Martínez
As solid as Gibraltar in defense. As lethal as a cobra in his attack participations

The dandy
Maragall
The Liminiana Balompié forward is one the best Tricolore player in this qualification phase. His technique and concentration led the team to victory and, perhaps, to the final phase.

Not his day
Cooper
Too fault-prone, very slow, ill-placed... A real disaster.

The tough guy
Bruce
Used unnecesary violence trying to stop Northern Caesarea forwards.

Azahara-Tricolores players didn't had much interest in plyaing yesterday match against Farstra. Their minds and souls were very far, in Kaze Progreesa, where they must win or tie one the most powerful teams in the WC to pass to the final phase. The dream can very well come true, but only if they show more concentration than in their last match at home.

Only Maragall and Martínez showed interest in winning the match. The striker scored the single goal in m.14, after taking the ball in NC territory, dribbbling 4 Farstra players and tricking a reliable Schneider.

The rest of the match was a boring show of both primitive football and defensive play, worth of a primary school court.

The Akbaria Statistician

In coming from behind to defeat Delesa Wentland gained only their 5th ever win after being behind and never has it come with two goals in the last ten minutes. Frank Treves increased his lead as Wentland’s top goalscorer with his brace and for the first time in 4 World Cups Wentland has a chance of qualification.

Looking at qualifying in general, after the surprises last time out, this qualifying has gone to form. Top 2 seeds through in groups 1-4, probably top 2 in group 5 and 6, top 2 in group 7, probably top 2 in group 8, top 2 in group 11, probably 12 and definitely 13. The only outsiders likely to make it are all third seeds, unless Harlesburg (unlikely with no RP bonus) or Geisenfried pull something off and with the sole exception of Spruitland the only top 2 seeds that might not get through have not released team information.

Biggest team definitely out is Spruitland, but if Quakmybush defeat a 100+ ranked team Hockey Canada misses out from 10th.

Yafor 2 in 51st is the lowest team definitely through, though Harlesburg can make it from 77th (by beating Magnus Valerius and hoping and Rorysville from 70th (Risa-Aramour is not mathematically likely from 83rd, they need about 14 goals to get above both Spaam and Vuam & Isma). A draw should be enough for Spaam to keep Rorysville out but if Spaam loses a win puts Rorysville through.

100% records belong to Starblaydia and TnUI, although Oliverry, who have had the one defeat (to Milchama) are easily the biggest scorers with 59. Starblaydia, Sarzonia and Liverpool England have all conceded a measly 4 goals.

At the other end of the scale, BENKONATE and Socialist Romanistan have scored one single, solitary point, at matchday 2 (1-1 against Toopoxia) and matchday 8 (1-1 against One Red Dot) respectively . Ironically perhaps Romanistan held TnUI to their closest match (2-1). The Candrian Empire has scored 3 goals (although that was enough for 4 points) and Los Mexicos’ three gained them three points.

Meanwhile, for qualification Wentland need a win against TGC, with Cataduanes failing to break down Delesa. Alternatively a draw is enough if Delesa win by four goals. It has to be said that that is unlikely. But if Delesa do manage to hold the Cataduanos to a draw Wentland should be through and the world's greatest and most erudite critics will be there. At the end of the road.

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Unicorns Struggles Continue

Queen Sonya Sabre was completely confused by the recent turn of events. The Mystical Unicorns were not supposed to have a chance at all in Group 11 - that fact was a given from the beginning. But surely the Unicorns should have been much better than the rest of the group besides One Red Dot. Now the squad was looking back at three consecutive draws. ORD was acceptable. The first against The Colony of Delaware and this latest one against Khenas were not. The Mystical Unicorns were becoming one of the nations that would seriously contend for the title of “The New Hypocria”. Cuation would have the legal right to it now though - especially since Yafor 2 actually qualified for the WC proper this time around - kind of shocking to see, but it’s true.

The loss did not drop D&S from the third spot in Group 11 but did allow One Red Dot to pull within a single point. The Colony of Delaware sits just two points back and Khenas is just three back of the third spot. The final match against KCToker should be the three points that keeps the Unicorns in third, but the way things have been going…………………..


Archregimancy Watch
The Monks have done it. Qualification is guaranteed. And given the opponents on the final day, should win the group. Let’s give a big cheer to the guys who play in robes.

We set our scene on the vast terraces of Gabalfa's Gasworks Stadium, and what a scene of jubilation it is too, for with just five minutes to go, the Aroras have all but booked their place in the World Cup finals barring a total catastrophe in their last match, thanks to a comfortable showing against Spindomia which in turn was thanks to a spectacular hat-trick by Gwrlais Devanallt.

Little did he know that he was about to get more attention than he bargained for...




The final whistle was fast approaching, the fans were singing their hearts out for the lads, and the Bettian players were playing some cheeky olé football when all of a sudden, an ominously familiar rumbling sound could be heard, emanating from round about the centre circle. Knowing what was about to happen, team boss Stuart Abdul-Rahim quickly ushered both sets of players off the pitch, and sure enough, what he feared what about to happen happened.

Frightened screams filled the stadium as hordes of giant ants burst forth from the ground, but as Abdul-Rahim went to blow his trusty arora-whistle, something, or rather someone, stopped him - it was Devanallt.

"I'm sick to death of this." he complained. "I'm gonna find out what the fuck these things actually want."

Stuart looked more than a little bit confused.

"Just what do you mean?"

"Well, we know this ain't some random occurance - those PISS fellas are behind this. I don't what it is exactly they have over these ants, but one thing's for sure - they ain't being complete bastards on their own accord."

"How do you know that?"

"They're just animals, and animals ain't evil. I'm gonna find out what they want."

"And how exactly do you propose to do that? You gonna go up and ask them nicely?"

"Yup."

By now, the boss was getting a wee bit flabergasted - it was obvious the young striker had taken leave of his senses.

"You're going to... TALK to them?!?"

"Yes."

"I knew you could speak arora, but since when do you speak ant?"

"I took an evening class in Dumb Animal Communications at Grappenhall University - got an honours degree and everything!" he said proudly. "Mind you, my antsy's a little rusty to say the least, but hopefully they'll understand. Just stay there, okay?"

Devanallt bravely strode back out onto the pitch, to the astonishment of the Bettian and Spindomian players who had crowded into the player's tunnel, as well as the fans who had remained on the terraces, and the trio of ants who immediately confronted him. An eerie hush fell upon the stadium as Gwrlais prepared to speak.

"Cliccck-cllk-clk-clkkkkkk-clk-clclkkclck."
(Apologise, I rust your tongue)

The three ants looked at each other with confused looks on their faces (well, they would have confused looks on their faces if indeed they were in possession of any facial muscles).

"Cllk-clllllk-clk?"
(What did it say?)

"Cccccccllk-clk-clllkkkklkclk."
(I think it wants us to say sorry for having rusty tongues.)

"Clllk-cllllkkkkk-click! Cllk-clkklck-clllklkck?"
(Eeeh, the cheeky bastard! What do you suppose it means?)

"Klklkck-clcik-cllllk-clkklck?"
(More to the point, what the hell's a tongue?)

"Cllkck. Clicccklck-clk-clk-clk."
(Dunno. Must be a mammal thing.)

"Clk. Cccccclllk-clklkkck-clk?"
(Hmph. So what do we do now?)

"Cllkck! Clk-cllkck-clllllk!"
(Ooh, I know! Let's take it to the Queen!)

"Cllllkck. Clklclk-clickk-clcllck-clkk-clccck! Clk-clik-ccclk!"
(Good idea. Even if She doesn't get any sense out of this thing, at least it'll make a nice change from the garbage those other fleshy-things give us! Let's blow this dump!)

Without warning, the lead ant grabbed Devanallt in its huge jaws, and they disappeared back into the earth as quickly as they had emerged from it, as the players, staff and fans looked on helplessly.

Gwrlais Devanallt's fearless actions may have saved many lives, but was it at the cost of his own?


Fixtures & Results

MD1: Montegrande 1-3 BETTIA
MD2: BETTIA 2-1 AwalKB (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD3: BETTIA 0-2 Starblaydia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD4: BETTIA 3-1 Tynelia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD5: Wrecker 0-4 BETTIA
MD6: Spindomia 0-3 BETTIA
MD7: BETTIA 5-1 Nikea (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD8: BETTIA 3-1 Montegrande (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD9: AwalKB 0-1 BETTIA
MD10: Starblaydia 3-1 BETTIA
MD11: Tynelia 1-1 BETTIA
MD12: BETTIA 1-1 Wrecker (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD13: BETTIA 3-0 Spindomia (The Gasworks, Gabalfa)
MD14: Nikea vs. BETTIA

Bettia's Goalscorers

10 - Devanallt
7 - Hutton
7 - Rhydderch
5 - Al-Jahani
1 - Warlow

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons Qualify Again - Face NMS On Final Day

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Areca where today the Sea Dragons wrapped up the Group 12 title with a 2-0 win over Magnus Valerius. And while this is the fourth consecutive qualification for our squad, this is the first time that ASMV has captured a group title in the process. Could this be a sign pointing to ASMV actually reaching the second round? Nope. We’ll get Star and Rejis in the group stage again.

The match was another defensive masterpiece for the Sea Dragons who live by limiting the opportunities of their opponents. The Boyers were no different as they struggled throughout the match to put pressure on keeper Shaun Conarky. But in the end, it came out to another clean sheet for the Sea Dragons. The scoring chances for ASMV were no better as the Boyers were bound and determined to keep things close. Pablo Iglesias’ goal in the 35th minute would be the only score until Khyber Allosindir scored on a corner kick in the 85th. 2-0 would be the final score in this one, as the celebrations began. Vegan fans would once again be a part of the World Cup.

NMS’s struggles continued as the lost to a surprisingly aggressive Lexington SC squad bound to make life miserable for the #7 side in the world. Add to that a Harlesburg draw with Green Wombat and things get very dicey for the Paladins. Just a single point separates NMS and Harlesburg. Harlesburg must travel to the Group 12 #3 seeds, Magnus Valerius. This will be a tough match between to very tough sides. NMS has an even tougher assignment. They play host to our own Sea Dragons on the final day. But it is rumored that the Sea Dragons will be resting the key aging stars and playing the reserves a lot of minutes. While we wish the Paladins luck in gaining a qualification spot, we do hope they get it after we beat them by way of a Harlesburg loss.

Friends Watch
Cuation and Milchama fought to a 0-0 draw.
Tadjikistan dropped Swilatia 3-1
Ariddia hammered Lylybium of recent BoF obscurity 3-0
D&S struggled again in a 0-0 draw with Khenas

자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) Headquarters, 소코지토 도시 , 소코 (Sokojito Dosi, SK)

Donald Harmon: What the slani hell are you doing with this team? They just have one slani win, and SLANI don’t have a single loss.

Kreed Kafer: It’s like as if, talk about the plague, talk about the plague!

Harmon: You think we’re playing bad because of a plague?

Kafer: No, it’s not the plague, this misery, it’s caused by people, it’s not sickness.

Harmon: So what are we going to do about it? Obviously we can’t let Geisenfreid beat us 4–0 again.

Kafer: I’m picking up a—thank you, Sam—a young man, a soldier, in visitation, and I feel, it’s like as if, he’s in another land, another land—can you give it to me, Sam?—it sound like geezenfraid, geezenfraid—

Harmon: Geisenfreid?

Kafer: Yes, Geisenfrayed, and I feel, it’s like as if he’s in opposition, and he spends a lot of time in cover-up—he’s covering up, he’s covering up! He’s killed…his uniform…he’s killed a man.

Harmon: Some sort of criminal? Or rebel?

Kafer: Yes, a rebel, a rebel. Can you give me a name, Sam? His first name, I feel, is Jack…Jack…Can you give me a surname? Thank you. Sam says, he’s not a finery, he doesn’t have a surname.

Harmon: So what does this guy have to do with anything?

Kafer: Well, he’s in opposition, and it’s like as if he’s a murderer, he could murder.

Harmon: You want us to murder the opposing team?

Kafer: Yes, I feel, he could do it, if we give pay, if we pay him.

Harmon: Forget it. We’re not killing anyone, whether they’re in the States or not. You’re not to speak of this matter again.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"God be praised, Fr. John!"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. Let us bow our heads in a prayer of thanksgiving..."

O Lord our Saviour and our Master, we, Thine unprofitable servants, with fear and trembling give thanks unto Thy loving goodness for the win over Quakmybush through which we have qualified for the World Cup proper. We fall down in adoration before Thee and offer Thee, O God, our praises; with fervour We cry to Thee: O God, deliver our squad henceforth from defeat in the World Cup finals and mercifully fulfill for us such of our desires for good results as may be expedient for us. Hear us, we entreat Thee, and have mercy, for Thou art the Hope of all the ends of the earth, and unto Thee, with the Father, and the Holy Spirit, be ascribed glory, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen."

"Amen, Fr. John. And I too have a prayer of thanksgiving....

We praise Thee, O God of our Fathers, we hymn Thee, we bless Thee, we give thanks unto thee for Thy great and tender mercy in permitting us to smite the heathens on the field of play. To Thee we flee, O merciful and mighty God. Shine into our heart with the True Sun of Thy righteousness that eclipses even the light of the floodlights during a night match. Enlighten the squad's minds and keep all their senses, that henceforth they may walk uprightly, keep Thy commandments, perform with honour in the Finals, and may finally attain unto eternal life, even to Thee, Who art the source of life, and be admitted to the glorious fruition of Thy inaccessible Light. For Thou art my God, and unto Thee, O Father, Son and Holy Spirit, be ascribed glory, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. "

"Amen, Fr. Nicholas. And realistically, there's little more to add. Quakmybush were a solid team, and were by no means disgraced, but Fr. Constantine and Fr. Nicholas were magnificent in the centre of defence, Fr. Arsenius was as solid as a rock in goal, Fr. Daniel regularly confounded the heretics in the Quakthingy midfield, and Fr. Theophilus had the match of his life on the right wing. A 38th minute goal for Fr. Seraphim off a Fr. Theophilus cross, and a 67th minute goal for Fr. Fyodor off a trademark freekick, and qualification was secure."

"Congratulations are rolling in from Orthodox nations, Fr. John. The Patriarch of the Valerian Empire has personally sent congratulations - and encouragement in our theological battle against Catholics and, erm, Zoroastians."

"Not much of a threat, those Zoroastians, not since the 7th century. And just as well too since they probably inspired those corrupting heretical Manicheans - and Bogomils. And Cathars, come to think of it, though Cathars are more of a Catholic problem."

"Meanwhile, the Sonyanite heretics of the Sylvanaes kingdom are also pleased on our behalf, which shows that even heretics sometimes have taste and discretion. Spaam - who predicted we'd lose out to the Quakkers and Canucks are presumably less pleased."

"In fairness, Fr. Nicholas, Spaam only predicted what we were also predicting after that draw against the maggots....."

"Let us close today's broadcast, Fr. John, with a prayer for our opponents in this qualifying tournament....

Lord Jesus Christ, Who didst command us to love our enemies, and those who defame and injure us, and to pray for them and forgive them; Who Thyself didst pray for Thine enemies, who crucified thee: grant us, we pray, the spirit of Christian reconciliation and meekness, that we may heartily forgive every injury and be reconciled with the nations we faced this qualification campaign. Grant us to overcome the malevolent mis-timed tackles and other offences of their players with Christian meekness and true love of our neighbour. We further beseech Thee, O Lord, to grant to our enemies true peace and forgiveness of sins; and do not allow them to leave this life without true faith and sincere conversion. And help us repay evil with goodness, and to remain safe from the temptations of the devil and from all the perils which threaten us, in the form of visible and invisible enemies. Amen. "

In the room deep inside the bowls of the Miceland government the Chamber and the ten mice met up to discuss a most disturbing developement, though for the first time not everyone was sure exactly what the topic of discussion actually was.

"We are here to discuss what could be a national tragedy. Something that could tear apart the Miceland we know, that could break down the structure and foundation of what we know as miceland today."

"Are we talking about the home loss to Commerce Heights?"

"No, the Office of Entertainment and Gaming have reported that was a quite an impressive performance of our mice against that incredibly higher ranked team. PArticularily that goal Charity scored in the 35th minute of the match. Anyway we are not here to talk about Football."

"So what's the matter and why haven't we been told about it before?"

"We have just had some disturbing reports from a hypnotherapist in the ISF (Internal Security Force, internal informants for the government within miceland)." And with that the mouse re-counted the story about Stuart Littlemouse. "Firstly, we need to find out more about this Anik people and Hametura. We can task an ESF agent to do that secondly we need to watch stuart and determine later what to do."

"I have the perfect agent in mind, Agent Chase, better known as Peter SneakyMouse. His position in the KleptoChase community has put him in a great position to find out information. I'm not sure how he'll do it but if any mouse can dop it he can."

"Okay, instruct Peter to do that and get back ASAP."

......

Peter was confused when he got the directive while in Az-Cz for the NSKCC, they wanted to find out about a people called Anik and Hametura. Having no idea where the people belong or even if they exist, Peter resorted to using Yacy. A search engine that he had heard about, and while it was based in Rejistania it actually seemed to function quite well. It was soon that he found the information that he required. Anik's, or Aniki as they where known and the Hametura people or Hameturans are infact rejistanians.

Aniki where a wealthy tribe and then suddenly they dis-appeared, many people assumed that the Hametura, which where neighbours and fierce rivals engaged in an epic war and wiped out the entire tribe. However he also found a number of conspiracy theories, some where disturbing, such as they sacrificing themselves to their gods, others involving aliens, and some sort of accident that wiped them out. He was not sure exactly what it meant but compiled a report and passed it on to his ESF contact which de-bigulated it and took it back to the Chamber.

Elven Times
Down Down Down

With three straight defeats and but one matchday left, the team has officially been eliminated from qualifying. Some might say the team had even degressed from the last Cup, but those must also take into account that the world didn't know about us then. The team had even been sure not to participate in the BoF prior to qualifying to keep thier tatics secret, and now teams have heard of us, and tape to scout our play. They must also take into account that this time we were also facing quite better competion as a whole. Last competition there was Audioslavia, and then the rest of the teams where all medicore and the second spot was up for grabs for the duration of the tournament. However this time there was Sarzonia and then Northern C. who showed that they were the dominant teams of the group followed by the odd Turori and seasoned Kaze Progressa sides. This left our squad fighting for points in every game. This is no excuse I know, for our team should of had the nerves of being on such a grand stage dealt behind them after coming oh so close to qualifying last Cup. Still we find ourselves trying to pick up the pieces. Perhaps one last game in the Cup and then hopefully a run in the CoH will right the ship before the team is dismantled and made anew.

Article by Ron Santapa

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Qazox won its last to matches 6-0 and 3-0 but who cares we're stuck in the CoH. Well and that our new head coach is : Buck Aman-Hotek. that's right some one most of Qazox has never heard of, but he did lead North Qazox City High School to 4 straight Class A championships? Just who the **** is running things over there at QFC HQ a dead fish?

OUR NEW NAME IS FOUND AT LAST!!!
GREEN WOMBAT DAILY DIRT!!!

Now on to more important news: Green WOmbat, although now eliminated from contention, has clinched at least a winning record with a 3-0 win at horgate and a 1-1 draw with Harlesburg that knocked them out of the Ccup. While not as successful in the 2nd half as the first, GW will finish in the top 5 in the group and may still get 4th place with a win and a MV loss. for the 2nd year in a row GW will participate in the CoH as its seen that doing well there will help in the next round of qualifiers.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
"Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a Damn about Doritos.

by Monty Python The last 2 matches for the Stoners went like this: Drew 0-0 with Becquerelia, allowing Sqournshelous to win the group, and a 1-1 draw with Vilita that put Becquerelia intot eh Cup. so thanks should be given to us by those 2 countries for helping them

sedn all thanks to: WWW.SATIVAVILLE STONER.COM C/O: Monty Python. thanks

SFA Press Release

Squornshelous resents and rebuffs any sentiment that the Pschychoes required any assistance to win the group, as they have clinched that result playing quite a few backup players in recent matches, often subbing out some starters after the first half. The day when Squornshelous acknowledges the necessity of help from an nation of potheads will be a sad day for the red-and-black indeed.

ooc: :P so there nyah!

Paladins Face Something They Haven't Seen In A While

Life-or-death situation in match against ASMV

NEW MONTREAL - With qualifiers down to the final matchday, the Paladins face something they haven't seen hide nor hair of for a long while: a do-or-die match on the final day.

Not since the final day of World Cup 25 have the Paladins had their backs to the wall in this manner. However, there are several key differences between the two situations:

Opponent Caliber - Instead of facing paltry newcomers Newcommunist Republics, which were going to be pushovers from the start, the Paladins have to play the mighty Sea Dragons of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Yep, they've turned the tables on us since the end of World Cup 29 qualifiers, having locked up the top spot while we fight for our lives in second place.

The Paladins themselves - Back in World Cup 25, the Paladins were in their second tournament of their comeback, and were expected to do nothing besides curl up and die. They had absolutely no pressure on them. Now they're ranked number 7 in the world, and will no doubt be universal laughingstocks should they falter in their qualification effort.

So will we make it? Nope. You heard it here first, we're screwed. We'd love to think that we've got a chance, but hey, we've probably had our run. We'll see for sure tomorrow.

Spaamanian Plijous Herald

Belmore on 21

Alan Belmore is on track for the Golden Boot award, after scoring his 21st goal
in the Gulls draw against Benlangdo. Though it was a disappointing results for
Spaamanian Plijous, they can still steal third place from the Lowland Clans if
they can manage to beat Liverpool England at home tomorrow night. Though
we are unsure how many goals Belmore's rivals have scored, we are sure that
he is currently the top goal scorer in the world.

Benlandngdo 1 - 1 Spaamanian Plijous

Group 1 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Liverpool England 13 11 2 0 29 4 35 +25
Chicanada 13 9 2 2 27 10 29 +17
The Lowland Clans 13 7 1 5 18 15 22 +3
Spaamanian Plijous 13 6 2 5 21 16 20 +5
Errinundera 13 3 3 7 16 29 12 -13
Winchestia 13 1 8 4 12 18 11 -6
Benlandngdo 13 1 5 7 14 29 8 -15
Hiiraan 13 1 3 9 6 22 6 -16

"La Gran Final"

12. Salmón

2. Martínez
4. Capdevilla
22. Ibañez

8. Álava
6. Llano
10. Esquivel
18. Zeamendi

14. Istúriz
7. Maragall
15. Javi

Called in:

1. Manolo
3. Sergi
16. De la Rosa
24. Cafranga
20. Toledo
23. Salmerón

Sel Appa Knocked Lower with Loss to McPsychoville

The 2-0 loss to McPsychoville sent The Turtles barrelling ever lower from their high start in the beginning of these qualifiers. There is only one match left against Aurendis, who beat Sel Appa in their last meet. It is unlikely for a Sel Appan win, but many hope for something that will put The Turtles a little higher in the group. A high win would put Sel Appa above Aurendia, who is in 6th place.

Despite the lacking performance in Sel Appa's first attempt, many look forward to the Cup of Harmony, where it is hoped that Sel Appa will do better. Some also look to World Cup 31 as a chance for a good show. In football, anything can happen.

The Isangrad Times

The Boyars Are Finally DQ'ed!
...But that doesn't mean we can't have fun with Harlesburg!

It was going to be a game of games in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, where one will come out qualifying and the other one will come out empty-handed. Well, since the Boyars stumbled in this World Cup, you already know who qualified and who lost out. Today was the last game that the Boyars will play against the really good Sea Dragrons from ASMV. And frankly, despite the gap in experience, the Boyars managed to prevent a super-humilating loss and settled for a close game and a modest loss.

The game was going to be tight as the Valerians did all that they could to stave off the goal-hungry Sea Dragons. The scoreboards were blank for a good part of the first half, thanks to the good defensive play of Bobrinsky and Sibel's up-to-par goalkeeping this game around. However, at the 35th minute, Pablo Iglesias snuck in a goal against Sibel and the Valerian defense. The Valerians had no choice but go on the offensive to try and get an equalizing point. The Valerian pressure prevented any ASMV goals for a while, but the Valerians could not get the equalizer they wanted, and the game slipped into a 1:0 game, with ASMV taking the lead into the second half.

The Valerians were relentless in their efforts to try and draw the game down between them and ASMV. In the second half, George Illyanich made eight attempts, but to no avail. The game was seemingly locked as the Boyars and Sea Dragons played on and exchanged attacks on each other's turf. The Valerian defense could not last to the Sea Dragon's attacks, and at the 85th minute, at the end of the game, Khyber Allosindir smashed through the Bobrinsky-Lucinius-de la Ronge defensive formation to send a rocket past Gustav Sibel's head. The Sea Dragons well earned their 2:0 win today; the Boyars are doing great, and were it not for their ever-improving performance throughout the World Cups, they could have lost much worse that their modest loss today! The Boyars offered the Sea Dragons champagne and some Valerian cuisine as a sort of a congratulatory gift for ASMV's qualification for the World Cup xXx. The win over the Boyars sealed the Sea Dragons for qualifications, and the Boyars thought that they could liven up the after-game by celebrating the exploits of the Sea Dragons together. It's all part of Valerian hospitality.

Magnus Valerius salutes Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, and will be seeing them with interest in future cups; the Boyars and the Sea Dragons had some tense games that have many Valerian football fanatics buying out Sea Dragon merchandise to hang on their walls with their collection of paraphenalia covering the Boyars, Jeruselem's national team, and The Archregimancy's team of football-playing monks.

Although the Valerians are out of the running, that doesn't mean that they can't have a party with Harlesburg, who they play on the final game day. We host them, and the Boyars are itching for revenge after the surprise defeat Harlesburg treated them to.

Final Score

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 2:0 Magnus Valerius

Scorers

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Pablo Iglesias - 1 (35)
Khyber Allosindir - 1 (85)

THE GROUP STANDINGS


Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 13 10 1 2 35 7 31 +28
New Montreal States 13 8 3 2 30 9 27 +21
Harlesburg 13 8 2 3 19 16 26 +3
Magnus Valerius 13 6 3 4 25 17 21 +8
Green wombat 13 6 2 5 19 21 20 -2
Lexington SC 13 5 0 8 18 31 15 -13
Carvalo 13 1 2 10 11 32 5 -21
Horgate 13 1 1 11 3 27 4 -24

Boyar Top Scorers!

G. Illyanich - 8
J. d'Anjou - 3
K. Feodorov - 3
K. von Stoffel - 3
G. Ioannidis - 2
Y. Bashkirsky - 1
I. Mendeleev - 1
J. Song - 1
B. Ungvar - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1


Orthodoxy Watch


Today, Our Orthodox Brothers in the Archregimancy did well, shadowing our own bad performance. The Archregimancy battled and defeated the upstarts of Quakmybush (to which many Valerians exclaim, "HUH? Who's Quakmykibosh?!" The Archregimancy silenced their opposition with a 2:0 win and carried the torch of triumph for Orthodox nations in the NS World Cup! We surely are glad to see them doing well again, and if they qualify, Valerians will be offering their full support.

The New Montreal States lost to Lexington SC, 2:1, which shows that the NMS Paladins need to exercise more and get into better shape if the Lexington 'Cats showed them a thing or two about football. The Paladins will need the work-out and burnt calories to secure a win against the stellar Sea Dragons... In other words, we congratulate the 'Cats for doing quite well for a new team.


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 0:0
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1
MD7.5: Friendly games
MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC --- W 4:0
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:2
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States --- L 0:2
MD13: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius --- L 2:0
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

Feature article from the Ellery Camp Pravda

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/PravdaMasthead.gif

A QUIET ARIDDIAN ASSUMES A NEW LIFE

(Photo of the young Ariddian man, Xavier Xu, beside the sacred tree, PELLOCAR, looking skywards in wonder.)

After a busy schedule Xavier Xu can finally put his feet up on a branch. The inaugural recipient of the ubhashinim scholarship is looking forward to spending twelve months here with us in Ellery Camp. The scholarship has been set up by the Errinundera Football Association to honour the potoroo’s vice-captain who died in the recent accident at Frosty Hollow. “I never saw ubhashinim play but the reverence with which she is held by everyone I have met shows that she must have been special,” explains the quietly spoken and thoughtful young man.

Xavier travelled to Errinundera via Hiiraan where he joined the national team’s entourage and sat on the bench with the coaching staff for the recent World Cup xXx qualifying match. “It was so exciting to be so close to the action,” says Xavier. “The team was subdued, though. I think they miss ubhashinim and keok terribly. They did get excited for soflaw, however, when she scored a goal. The potoroos looked good in patches and only managed to draw 1-all. The team thinks they should have done better.”

Then it was off to Rodger River where he was guest of honour, along with the Ariddian ambassador Audrey Melei, at the official naming of the city’s new sacred tree, OALUSH’N. The name is from Ariddia's native Wymgani and refers to the Meeting Tree or Wisdom Tree, a type of tree that is often used in Ariddia as a place to conduct important community business, much like here in Errinundera. Comrades Melei and Wu brought with them three oalush’n seedlings that they planted by the sacred tree as part of the naming ceremony. “I had the wrong impression of Errinundrians,” says the young man. “I thought, having a ‘sacred tree’ you would by mystical and religious. In Ariddia we are atheists. But it turns out that you are mostly atheists here as well. But you do have a tremendous respect for life – like us, you are vegetarian. We have much in common.”

From Rodger River Xavier travelled to the nation’s capital, First Creek Falls. “It is a special place. I was taken on a tour: the upper part of the city seems to float on water and the buildings are old and quaint. When you look at them closely it is clear they have been repaired and rebuilt many times. I was told that Errinundrians can be volatile and periodically burn the capital down.”

But things got even more surprising, according to Xavier. “The upper part of the city ends in a sudden drop. The river goes over the edge and disappears into the forest below. I was taken in a glass lift behind the waterfall. The lift doors opened onto a misty, forest skywalk with giant trees as far as the eye could see. Each of the trees had one or more houses in them and there were skywalks and monorails everywhere. I was told that over 10 million people live in these trees here.”

Finally a weary Xavier arrived in his new home, Ellery Camp, to study at the National Football Academy. “The curriculum is not just sport, you know. I have been studying for a degree in biology at the University of Haven back home. My university has liaised with the Goongerah Floratech and the Goongerah Faunatech and established appropriate coursework for me while I am here. It is so exciting to have this honour. I will be visiting Goongerah next week. It is famous in Ariddia for the The Green Think Tank, the UN organisation that has its headquarters there. Dr Fabien Armand, our ambassador to the Green Think Tank, has promised to help me any way he can. I think it won’t be necessary. Errinundrians have been helpful wherever I go.”

Eight year old signorinip speaks for all Errinundrians when he told Xavier, “I hope you like our forest and our trees. You can be friends with all of us. I know PELLOCAR likes you.”

(Picture of signorinip pulling a face at the camera and pointing at Xavier Wu.)

We will enter Trevor Griggs (8 goals) to the PK competition.

We will enter Trevor Griggs (8 goals) to the PK competition.

OOC:
Which reminds me, Xavier Xu hasn't been added to the list for Ariddia yet.

Also, Erri, nice post but Xu isn't Wymgani (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wymgani). Wymgani are Indigenous Ariddians; Xu is not Indigenous. He does speak Wymgani, though.

Apologia from the Ellery Camp Pravda

We Were Wrong

In our recent feature article "A Quiet Arridian Assumes a New Life'' we described Xavier Xu, the recipient of the inaugural ubhashini scholarship, as being Wymgani. This is incorrect. We apologise for any upset this may have caused. The error was made by a researcher.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/PravdaMasthead.gif

I'll get the penalty takers list done in time before the competition starts. Just rushed off my feet right now (I'm writing this on my lunchdreak from work, during which I've driven home). Anyway, the first lot of MD14 scores will be up soon.

Ariddia qualified, but disappointed by loss
Controversy around Wabettes and ulek not fully resolved

As Ariddians settled at home, in pubs, at their work place or in the stadium in Spruitland to watch the match between the two countries, they still were not certain whether the Wabettes’ nude dance and the ulek would both feature before kick-off. Opinions over this matter were divided.

“Having naked women prancing around while our lads and girls perform the ulek is disrespectul,” one supporter said firmly. “Ours is an ancient tradition; theirs isn’t. I know we’re playing in their country, but that should mean they show some courtesy to their guests. Besides, we allowed their Wabettes to perform in Ariddia.”

“There’s no harm in it,” another disagreed. “It all adds to the festivity. And it’s good too see the Spruitlander version of a tradition. Besides, who could object to nude ladies dancing?”

In the end, the Wabettes did perform, but sufficiently in advance of the start of the game for the Rouge-et-Noirs to perform their ulek without distractions. The Spruitland team faced the war chant respectfully, and all was well.

Once the match began, it soon appeared that it was going to be close, and supporters grew excited. Cheers went up when Nam Hyok-Jun scored the opening goal in the thirty-fifth minute, breaking what had seemed like a deadlock in which both sides narrowly missed out on several good opportunities. The crowd noisily shouted its support for its choosen team, with Spruitlander fans naturally outnumbering their Ariddian counterparts. Lee Beck equalised for Spruitland nine minutes later, actually scoring with his knee after a corner kick taken by Gary Mariano. It was one-all at half-time, and the uncertainty was strong as ever.

Then the tension rose in the Ariddian side when a skilled pass from Beck gave Chico Provoost a clear shot on goal, and the ball narrowly whizzed past al Maharmeh’s fingers, putting Spruitland in the lead. The Rouge-et-Noirs snatched ball possession over the next quarter of an hour, redoubling their efforts until Nico Van Dyck fouled Hanifah Kyaw in the penalty area. There were boos from the Ariddian supporters, along with excited cheers as the fans knew exactly what that meant: a penalty kick, and a possible equaliser.

Kyaw took it calmly, slamming the ball into the net past Simon Briers, and the Rouge-et-Noirs were back in with a chance. For a while it seemed the match might end on a draw, but then Aush Song fumbled a late tackle on Provoost in the opposite penalty area, and the game’s second penalty kick saw Spruitland move permanently back into the lead.

Even the sight of naked Wabettes enticing them with suggestive dancing after the match was not quite enough to lift the mood of disappointment which had settled over the Ariddian supporters. They had thought their team invincible, and had been faced with an unexpected loss.

To make matters worse, Yafor 2 defeated Rordia two-nil. Not that it mattered too much, supporters consoled themselves, since Ariddia had qualified all the same, but it did mean they had lost the top spot in Group 9.

“Ah, well, never mind,” one fan said. “It would have been nice to finish first, but the main thing is to have qualified. Now we just have to win the Cup to make up for it!”

Lapierre Gardening Services, 태풍 도시, 소코지토 (Tāpuŋ Dosi, SK)

Étienne Lapierre: What can I do for you today?

Kreed Kafer: I have a small…uh…garden, and I’d like it…er… weeded and what have you.

Lapierre: And this garden…where might it be?

Kafer: Can you give me the name, Sam? In Geisenfrayed.

Lapierre: Geisenfried.

Kafer: Yes.

Lapierre: How big is it?

Kafer: *pause* It’s a vortex, it’s the vortex of the garden, and it’s a very large vortex; ten, twelve, maybe fifteen plants?

Lapierre: Uh…I see. Well, that might cost a bit extra.

Kafer: I’m pickin up on something…shiny…like gold pieces. And there’s a lot of them, a lot of them, a group of them! And the total—thank you, Sam—SIX ZERO ZERO—six hundred—what does that mean?

Lapierre: It’ll be six hundred grams of gold.

Kafer: Ah, yes, thank you. How soon do you think you could come by?

Lapierre: Well, it’d depend on where this garden is, but maybe in a few days?

Kafer: A few days? I need, I feel six, six hours before it needs to be done.

Lapierre: Do I look like the kind of person that has money to burn on a transporter? It’ll take three days.

Kafer: I’m picking up on several spirits, using their collective energies, they’re angry—

Lapierre: If you don’t want my help, just leave!

Kafer: Alright. But I feel, an investigation here, the locality, local, here, outside, would be able to pick up several phenomena.

Kafer walks out the door of the shop, noting the large orange, blue, and red circle on the door with a white “:p” on it.

It was election day in Rejistania. The first rejistanian election day to be exact, despite the 80 years of democracy. Okay, 20 years of that, there was just one eligable party and all you could do was to elect different members of it, but most of the time, the rejistanian nation even was a democracy, which happily existed without the need for central elections. However, since the new head of state is an issue, the entire nation needs to have their say about. So instead of the normal regional (kalesic) elections, the entire nation went to the voting booths. The media tried to be very patriotic by showing different important rejistanis leaving the voting booth and put the envelope into the ballot boxes. There were however minor problems like folding the A3 sheet to fit into the envelope. Since this election happened in Rejistania, the sheet was full of candidate names and the runoff method, which was used meant that the candidates had to be ordered by preference. Fifteen minutes after the voting booths closed, the match of the national team versus the capitalizts took place.

Normally, Frankton'he had problems to make the Orange-Blues not fall back into the well known defensive patterns. Especially after they took the lead. this time however, the Orange-Blues attacked as if the devil was after them The defensive capitalizts were outclassed and only emphasized on making the defeat less high. The 4:0 victory was only justified since the capitalzts played like System Karela during most of the match. Believe in lentine'tan or not: This happened after the 'takilan' candidate High Priest Xaharil won the election (even though at that time, it was not announced yet)

and the rest of the qualifiers... see who they are here! (http://forums3.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11643033#post11643033)

James Gaines in his office with Neil Kabants discussing a number of matters.

"Okay, so the team are ready for their trip to Starblaydia to face the dreaded Purples, and the team have qualified for the with last 2 matches being a draw and a win against System Karela and Ropa-Topia respectively." said Neil Kabants updating the BFSA president like he did not know.

"Okay, so what about the RP's are we still a matchday behind?" asked JAmes Gaines

"uh.. I think so." said neil as he fumbled through some documentation... "Yep, yeah no System Karela RP. It's what this one is meant to be about." replied Neil

"Okay, I'm sick of it, go back to one RP on the matchday for that matchday." commanded James "And yes before you ask there must be a joint System Karela and Ropa-topia RP too. Speaking of SysKa. What did you think of that strange goal by Andreas. He was in an ultra defensive mode until just kicked into what was a takil-mode. Pity we didn't score our goal before that." Said James

"Pity we didn't score the goal earlier?" scoffed Neil "Pity no one on the team actually scored a goal, we where terrible conceeding to SysKa of all nations and then requiring that incident with you falling out of the SeaBazalope Arena?" said Neil as he snickered at the President

Behind his desk it is obvious that the BFSA president has seriously injured his legs and there is a wheelchair in the corner of the office.

"Yeah I fell out of the stadium the ball bounced off me and went into the SysKa goal. Okay, laugh and get it out of your system."

"The Ropa-Topian match was by far better for the Bazalopes, Three goals, the team was performing as a team and that is pretty much all I can add, no goals conceeded , the goals came from alll over the place. Anthony Creek, James Kantwell and Michael Irchov. All scored their goals. Though Peter Hobble had his hand in all of those goals and was given the man of the match for just being everywhere man."

"Okay, So the flight to Starblaydia all booked?"

"Yep, The team are leaving tomorrow and when are you going to head off?"

"I've got final preperations to do for the WC group stage, I won't be able to make it. But still I can't quite get over the fact that we qualified it was a cliff hanger, Gesienfried on our heels all the way through. Anyway with the win we are guaranteed the qual spot. I wonder who willl be in our group? Anyway. You've got preperations to make."

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

Elven Times
Off to the Cup... of Harmony

After accepting the invitation, the team took the field in Ishtar and battled their way to a 2 all draw. The team was sullen and completely depressed after the match, and all media outlets were turned away. Although it has been a poor run for the squad, their is hope for the future as the team will take the lessons learned from this run and apply them to a more successful run next go round. Until then, here are the final goal scorers list.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 7
Rick Cuellar - 5
Zacharius - 4
Nikali Rikard - 1
Samuel Tatum - 1
Liliam Kries - 1

Article by Ron Santapa

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It's over

ISLE OF UHM - World Cup xXx ended for Ropa-Topia in the qualification rounds, but the team did almost qualify. There were only four nations between us and qualification. This of course also means we ended third from the bottom of our group, but that's not so bad. At least we weren't last, like Uncle Pete.

The other two nations from Uhuhland did a bit better. Ariddia was second in their group, and Total n Utter Insanity seems to have won all their matches so far and ended up at the top of their group, meaning that these two nations did qualify, and hope remains an Uhuhland nation will win the World Cup.

Top scorers (in fact, all five of them):
1. Anky Huybrechts - 6
2. Bas Zadelhoff - 3
3. Laurinda Baldwin - 1
Kate PoorBaugh - 1
Yvon Hendrix - 1

Total Sportzine - Bringing you the news no one cares about.

In what is the Insanicians last World Cup Qualifying campaign it was only fitting that they dominated their group, not dropping a single point on their way to 14 straight wins, a feat only matched by underachievers Starblaydia. Some are questioning whether the Insanicians should retire, with such a strong team the World Cup may be within their grasp for the first time in over 100 years of competitive football. Others say Dorian and Sonya deserve a World Cup Debut as they have more chance of lifting the Cup than the cursed Insanicians. Support for the Insanicians has been steadily declining over the last 50 years, with only a few thousand people turning up to support them at the Insane Dome, home of the World Cup 3 Final and World Cup 11 3rd place playoff. Planned renovations had been put off repeatedly and finally it was announced last year that the Insane Dome would be demolished after Qualifying. Die hard fans had lobbied the IFA to keep the Insane Dome alive, but demolition work has already started. Pieces of the stadium are being sold on iBay.

Planet Purple Perfection!
Starblaydia go 14-0-0 in Qualifying

Ok, ok, Starblaydia weren't the only team to earn a 100% record from the Qualifying stages; Total n Utter Insanity did too. And yes, despie only conceeding four goals in their fourteen matches, Liverpool England matched their defensive feat of arms with only four in the against column too. This still doesn't take anything away from Khim Azanulbizarn's acheivements.

The World Cup 28-winning Manager becomes the first of Starblaydia's coaches to see his team win every Qualifying game. Previously Starblaydia have gone undefeated - witness last Cup's 13-1-0 record - but never before has every result been etched in green for Starblaydia. But now it is on to Schiavonia and The Islands of Qutar, to see if Starblaydia can get their Cup back after Casaran and Krytenian shenannigans took it so cruelly four years ago. Will a 14-0-0 mean a 0-0-3 in the Group Stage? Or will Jacqueline Maitland smash the record of 52 goals (she has 50 already) as Starblaydia go all the way to the top once more?

Starblaydi Goalscoring Chart
Jacqueline Maitland 14
Johan Keifner 6
Durum Rage (C) 6
Lawrence Asante 3
Christian Averette 2
Durin Bazrimar 2
Marissa Cortez 2
Herge Costa 2
Rajko Dakic 2
Donii 2
Matteo Prizzoni 2
Magdalena Ruiz 2
Charles Barron 1
Tabitha Di Bradini 1
Talenii Karo 1
Keztarr Mahezihim 1
Luis Jover Navarro Ruiz 1
Pedro Rujano 1

Errinundera weblog

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My friends, come with me to First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) where there is to be a party to be remembered. From the moment that Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) learned they would be hosts for their last qualifying match, against Chicanada, (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Chicanada) everybody just knew it would be held at the National Downfall Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#National_Downfall_Stadium)and that the Falls folk would party as if there were no next year. All over the Water Quarter (Upfalls) (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls#Upper_City:_The_Water_Quarter) businesses have been boarding up their premises – a sure sign that the people are about to get feisty.

If McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) is quintessentially Zu-vendi in nature and customs then the nation’s capital, located deep in the forest of the central plateau, is every bit as quintessentially U. It is the most loved and most hated city in the nation.

In the Upfalls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls#Upper_City:_The_Water_Quarter) portion the nation’s largest viewing screen has been erected on barges floating in the Greer Channel. Many thousands will gather in Red Marx Square opposite to watch the game live. Champagne has been flowing all day, Snowy River mudcake has been likewise oozing, the best golden tops have been saved for the occasion: yes, there’ll be some ripper headaches tomorrow. In surrounding squares, fetes and amusement rides are doing a roaring trade. Hundreds of hot-air balloons float high above. Vast quantities of fireworks are being prepared.

In Downfalls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls#Lower_City:_Downfalls), the housetrees (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Housetrees) are a-buzz. Viewing screens have been set up all over the forest. The folk are sitting on the skywalks to watch the game. Like the Upfalls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls#Upper_City:_The_Water_Quarter) fans they have copious supplies of champagne, mudcake and hallucinogens. Hey, man, it’s all so cosmic, this football scene. Down on the forest floor the potoroos look, sigh and mutter to themselves, “They’re a weird mob.”

Many folk fortunate enough to have a ticket will take part in the great First Creek Falls tradition: to walk on mass from the edge of the city, via the skywalks and tracks, to the National Downfall Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#National_Downfall_Stadium) about 5 km away. On any match day at least half the fans join in the pilgrimage, singing together “We Won’t Cry for You, Errinundera” as they walk. It is a rowdy, joyful celebration. Even the supporters of opposition teams get caught up in the festive spirit. Erotic Dance Mimes demonstrate their charms all along the way, adding to the excitement that is growing.

The paths and skywalks rapidly descend the plateau escarpment, then suddenly plunge down broad stairs in spacious, well-lit tunnels that open 2/3rds the way down the Hairy Man Falls. The stairs continue into the stadium. Wherever you sit, the falls dominate the northern end of the ground, falling directly behind the goals. Goalies at that end have to wear earplugs. The other end of the pitch is also open, providing a view down the Errinundera River Valley towards the city of Bemm River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bemm_River). Not as spectacular as the Amphitheatre (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_Amphitheatre) at Big Tree Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Big_Tree_Camp) but pretty just the same.

As the players enter the arena, led by keok in a wheelchair, they sense that the crowd is in a marvellous mood and are themselves infected. They become football dance mimes demonstrating all the charms of the beautiful game. Today the players remember one of the most fundamental things about football: it is fun. There is nothing at stake in this game: Chicanada (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Chicanada) have already qualified, Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#National_Downfall_Stadium) cannot. Everyone throws caution to the wind. A fast, furious, skilful game erupts: passes perfectly executed but, somehow, miraculously intercepted; displays of courage that leave the crowd gasping; and ball-handling skills that coaches can only dream of. Maybe, along with the rest of the crowd, I’ve taken too many psychotropic drugs.

The game opens with the visitors kicking to the Falls end. By half-time the Chicanadas have shown why they have qualified: the score is nil-2. In the 55th minute they score another and the dream appears to have faded, the party pooped. The crowd chants “We Won’t Cry for You, Errinundera” mournfully. Angelic genderqueer, rosaniel, is still in party-mode, however, and, when addicksonia kicks in from a corner at the 62nd minute, she seems to hang horizontally in the air for several seconds before driving the ball past the keeper. The crowd chant changes. Now it is ubh-a-shi-nim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim) sung to the Volga Boatmen. Inspired, otelopea, accepts a pass from addicksonia in the 69th minute, outruns the Chicanada defence and scores. The thundering waterfall is drowned out (so to speak) by the swelling chants. At the 84th minute the two young Ellery Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ellery_Camp) players team up again for otelopea to level the scores.

Could Errinundera really do it?

No. This is the real world, after all. Chicanada (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Chicanada) closes the game down. There are no more goals. The game ends 3-all.

The potoroo fans are ecstatic. The run onto the pitch and chair both teams from the ground. As the sun sets fireworks erupt from the Upfalls section of the city and continue all the way down the valley to Bemm River many miles to the south, exploding one after the other in a sequence. (It is discovered next morning that many potoroos on the forest floor have died of fright, thus ending this particular style of fireworks display for the future.) Fans return to their housetrees in fine spirits and if it weren’t for the overindulgence in alcohol, chocolate and hallucinogens, many children would have been begotten that night.

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((Tynelia RP))

Tynelia Falls Short

Despite a record best 29 points,after a 2-1 win over Spindomia, Tyenlia will move on to the Cup of hamrony and hope foir some better luck. Despite playing as close to perfect as we've seen in the past, absolute perfection was needed as Bettia held on to the second spot by three points after their win against Nikea.

Coach Adam Billington however thought that the margin was far closer than people realized for Tynelia to move on.

"Two goals, that's what kept us out of the Cup this time. One against Wrecker in the second half to get a win instead of a draw and one against Bettia the following match for the same result. That would have given us four extra points and Bettia would have lost one and we'd be in our first WC. Now we need to keep our level of play up for the CoH and a strong showing there should put us in excellent shape to advance in WC31."

Seeveral veteran players from the days of WC27 are expected to retire after the CoH and will no doubt do their best to ensure they go out on a high note.

Despite playing with a consistency not seen before Cataduanes left it till the nailbiting last fixture to secure qualifacation, this was in due part to the failure to beat rivals Wentland and the 4-1 hammering away to Marceau State which also allowed Jerusalem to retake the top slot in the group which Cataduanes had held for some weeks, MD 14 saw the now hapless Delesa visiting Cataduanes and as expected failed to dent the determined home side who ran out 4-0 winners with a hattrick for striker Butch Sacario securing second place in the group despite Wentlands victory over The Greatest Crap. As expected group faves Jerusalem dispatched Marion Oaks 2 scoring six goals and sealing top spot with a 3 point lead over Cataduanes. The UIE also secured a victory brushing aside Marceau State 3-1.

So the Cataduanes Islanders are on their way to WC30 and many are hoping that this will be the first Cataduanes side to make it past the first round, the qualifacation was especially sweet due to edging out rivals Wentland ''its a karmic reward for Wentland knocking us out of the COH a couple of tournaments back'' was Captain Toni Souletano's response ''its always good to get one over your rivals!''.

Penny: Great game Finn. No fumbles today
Finn: Thanks Penny, but I didn't have any work to do! The Oakies didn't get much ball to threaten us

Dazza: There you are Finn! Chatting up older women, eh?
Finn: Me? No, not me. I've got enough problems with one girlfriend.
Penny: Not Finn, he's just being ... Finn. Hear no evil, see no evil and do no evil.

Dazza: Don't forget our shopping trip, tomorrow.
Finn: Oh that, didn't forget. But got no money, it all goes to my parents.
Penny: You're 21 and don't have private wealth? That's mean, it's financial abuse.

Dazza: Don't worry Finn. Dazza's uber credit card will have to do.
Penny: That's right, Dazza's dual income as footballer and reporter.
Finn: I'm used to living on shoestring budget

Dazza: Anyway, Keanu's hold a party for making the finals again and our mighty SIX NIL win.
Finn: I'm no good at parties
Penny: Dazza will teach you how to party, or if that fails we'll recruit Rachel

Finn: No need, no need.
Dazza: Keanu wants everyone there and that includes you.
Penny: Sorry, I'm the captain and you have to go.

Finn: Err, umm
<Two girls drag Finn into the party>

Keanu: Hey, Finn why I have get girls to drag you into parties. It's time to party and celebrate your first final experiences.
Finn: I usually banned for parties by my parents.
Keanu: God, 21 and can't go to parties. You're welcome here

Dazza: I have to talk Keanu, hehe, just talk to Anna over here.
Keanu: Enjoy yourself

<pair walk off>

Anna: Hey Finn! How's your new girlfriend? <giggles>
Finn: Dazza? Over the top. Does nothing in half measures!
Anna: Say, why's your surname Fumbles?

Finn: Err, it should be Fimbles but my parents come from the lower class - so low - we are Fumble instead of Fimbles
Anna: I see, I related to Rachel but not as good looking.
Finn: Aren't all the Jews in this team related
Anna: Actually yeah

Chelsea: Hey Finn, there you are.
Finn: Hi Chelsea
Chelsea: Why are you always chatting to girls?
Finn: Err, don't know.

Able "Stumpy": If it isn't the chick magnet here
Finn: Just because I'm dating Jeruselem's favourite teen reporter doesn't mean I'm chick magnet
Able "Stumpy": Look at your self, girls chatting to you for no reason. Where's Dazza?
Finn: Chatting up Keanu as usual.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Arcane Sports Publication

"We Did It"

It could've been World Cup IX all over again. Though very few people
remember it, Spaam were prevented from qualifying on their goal difference,
leading to Spaamgate. A win would see Spaam through; anything less and
they would have to wait. And that was where things went wrong. Spaam
came out firing in front of an excited home crowd against Vuam and Isma, but
nothing seemed to work. Shot after shot was saved or went wide, and the
two that did go in, were ruled offside. The Waffles' defense stayed strong,
but so did Vuam and Isma's, and what no fan wanted came true: a scoreless
draw.

After the match, everyone went to watch the Eseck vs Rorysville match on
television. Rorysville needed to beat Eseck by seven to eliminate Spaam from
the World Cup, and they were on track. The first half saw them up by 3-0,
and shortly after the break, they were up by four. Every Waffles fan was
watching with baited breath, praying that Rorysville would not reach that
magic seven. And in the end, they breathed a sigh of relief, as Eseck rallied
and kept the visitors at four goals.

There were celebrations in the streets of every city in Spaam last night, with
the Waffles qualifying for their 13th World Cup, and their first consecutive in
sixty years. Most relieved was captain Crewenna Roskelly, the veteran of
four campaigns, who would be retiring after this one. This would be her third
World Cup, and her last chance to get that coveted trophy. She summed up
everyone's feelings well in the end.

"We've always been win or lose, we did our best. And 8 years ago, we were
at our lowest point, because we felt we didn't. 4 years ago we had an easy
run and weren't really challenged in qualifying. This time it is sweet, because
we had real competition, and we gave it 100% every time. And we did it."

Spaam 0 - 0 Vuam and Isma

Results

Krytenia 1 - 0 Risa-Aramour
Tocapa 0 - 0 Peturbed Lepoard
Eseck 0 - 4 Rorysville

Krytenia keeped their unbeaten season intact and kept Risa-Aramour to fifth
position with a tight one nil home crowd victory. Meanwhile, Peturbed
Lepoard won the wooden spoon, but prevented Tocapa from getting a home
win thanks to a scoreless draw. And Rorysville hit Eseck with all they had,
but just couldn't score seven goals; they had to make do with four.

Krytenia qualified a long time ago, but Spaam managed to do enough to
qualify for their thirteenth cup. Rorysville had an equal record, but their
defense let them down, failing to qualify by just three goals. Vuam and Isma
were just three points behind in fourth, and Risa-Aramour a further point
behind. An incredibly sixteen points back, indicating clearly the gap between
the teams, Tocapa and Eseck finished equal sixth on just seven points, and
Peturbed Lepoard a lonely last on just four.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 13 1 0 44 7 37 40 86
Spaam 8 3 3 29 12 17 27 71
Rorysville 8 3 3 32 18 14 27 64
Vuam and Isma 7 3 4 26 13 13 24 67
Risa-Aramour 7 2 5 27 24 3 23 53
Eseck 2 1 11 9 45 -36 7 17
Tocapa 1 4 9 14 36 -22 7 28
Peturbed Lepoard 1 1 12 5 31 -26 4 14

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 12
4 Crewenna Roskelly 7
14 Mar'h Menadue 4
20 Eseld Retallack 2
2 Gorran Chegwidden 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4:0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2:2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1:0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0:2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6:0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2:0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2:2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3:2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2:1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam 1:3 Krytenia
11 Spaam 2:0 Tocapa
12 Eseck 0:3 Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard 0:1 Spaam
14 Spaam 0:0 Vuam and Isma

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MOOSE VICTORIOUS BUT FALL SHORT

The Moose did all they could to advance to the next round of the World Cup they beat Eseck 4-0 and Vuam and Isma held Spaam to no goals but unfortunatly for us Spaam also held Vuam and Isma to no goals as well thus Spaam recived a point for the draw and bot Rorysville and Spaam were tied in points at 27.Rorysville Had scored more goals in the Tournamenet(32) than Spaam(29) but Spaam gave up less goals(12)than Rorysville(18) giving Spaam a Differential of +17 and Rorysville +14. 3 goals short of the World Cup Birthin the Cup of Sin the Closeest the Men have ever come to qualifing. with this I guess the Cup of Harmony will be calling us if not the team will have some reflected to do and figure out what they'll have to do to crack the Qualifier Bug.Now let's look at the Game
With all the Pressure in the world hanging on Rorysville they came out and showed Eseck just who was the better team with a goal at the 10th minute by Neguanne then another one as Neguanne broke the Eseck line and netted on top corner over an outstreched keeper at the 27th minute. Things would Contiune this way as the Moose pushed the coreline to 3-0 with a goal by Neguanne here is the Audio off of RVAC's Broadcast<Neguanne has been playing like a man possed lat...speak of the devil here he goes again Neguanne steals the ball off Cunco ...fights through the tackle by Larsence...in alone.....wait wait GOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a GOAL BY ADAM NEGUANNE THE HAT TRICK MAN HAS PUT THE MOOSE IN GREAT SHAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> With that goal at the 40th minute Rorysville would go into the half up 3-0.To start the Second half TWo substitutions were made as Brian Solltanner came in to replace Miller and Doug Jacobs came in to replace Decost and add a defenseive look to the team as they shifted from the 3-4-3 to a 1-4-5 Alignment meant to choke Eseck's chances at even notching a goal and with that it would work the only Offense in the Second halff came off a Rorysville boot as Jaun Pérez Fired a shot from the top of the box beating Richards at the 78th minute to put the Moose up 4-0 the game would end with that score and Rorysville would head into the Lockerroom to watch the Spaam v Vuam and Isma game to see if they would Qualify.
"well they showed us what they had left in the tanks I'm proud of these boys . All the way to the end we still had a chance and did everything we could and when it's on other teams to get you in thats the worst feeling but we'll look at the mistakes we made to put us in this position and build on the good and qualify for World Cup 31 that much I can tell you either we qualify or I Will resign my Post"--Coach Merriles
"I never thought that a nill nill draw by other teams would hurt so much but it did and I took all I could to make this team qualify the Boys and I worked hard and put all we had from the reserves to the Starters we Worked hard twentyfour seven to make this team that much better I'm sorry to all the moose fans I truly understand if your angry at us for failing"--Adam Neguanne

Now what the Team didn;t know is that theyre home comming is going to be celebrated as the Moose Boosters have planed a Welcome Home RAlly/Party at Rorysville International Airport when the Team Arrives.
"They Showed what Rorysville is about a Never say Die attitude and an Endless Fight in thier Spirits they are truly a great Representation of Rorysville"--Mike McCaulley Head of the RVSGA(Rorysville Sports Governing Administration)

Now for the Final Look at the Schedule that was World Cup XXX(The Cup of Sin)
MD0-Wed,Aug16(Schia) @Marceau(Freindly) W 4-0
MD1-Thur,Aug17(Schia) @Spaam L 4-0
MD2-Fri,Aug18(Qutar) Tocapa W 2-0
MD3-Sun,Aug20(Schia) @Peturbed Lepoard W 3-0
MD4-Mon,Aug21(Qutar) @Vuam and Isma W 2-0
MD5-Wed,Aug23(Schia) Risa-Aramour W 4-0
MD6-Thur,Aug24(Qutar) @Krytenia D 1-1
MD7-Fri,Aug25(Qutar) Eseck W 4-0
MD7.5-Sat,Aug26(Qutar) Marceau(Freindly) W 2-1
MD8-Sun,Aug27(Qutar) Spaam W 3-2
MD9-Tue,Aug29(Schia) @Tocapa D 2-2
MD10-Wed,Aug30(Qutar) Peturbed Lepoard W 3-1
MD11-Fri,Sept1(Schia) Vuam and Isma L 2-0
MD12-Sat,Sept2(Qutar) @Risa-Armour D 4-4
MD13-Mon,Sept4(Schia) Krytenia L 2-0
MD14-Tue,Sept5(Schia) @Eseck W 4-0

and the Final Group 5 Tables
Group 5 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Krytenia 14 13 1 0 44 7 40 +37
Spaam 14 8 3 3 29 12 27 +17
Rorysville 14 8 3 3 32 18 27 +14
Vuam and Isma 14 7 3 4 26 13 24 +13
Risa-Aramour 14 7 2 5 27 24 23 +3
Tocapa 14 1 4 9 14 36 7 -22
Eseck 14 2 1 11 9 45 7 -36
Peturbed Lepoard 14 1 1 12 5 31 4 -26
Green=Qualified
Red=Eliminated
Blue=Rorysville(Eliminated)

Thank you for Suscribing to SportsnetRV's World Cup XXX

and thanks to our Great Hosts Schiavonia and Qutar for a great Tournament see you all in WCXXXI

Turtles Rally for 2-0 victory at home!

In the final match of the NS World Cup Qualifiers, Sel Appa's team rallied together to go home with a bang. This final game at Nemnenait Stadium started off with The Turtles pounding down the pitch, not wanting to go home without a good final match. In the 25th minute, ESTEVEZ slipped past the Aurendian defense and sent a hard shot straight at a nearly impossible angle. The team cheered happily for this and CHANG Fo accidentally handled the ball while celebrating and was dealt a yellow card. The rest of the half was largely uneventful and saw a mostly back-and-forth across the pitch.

The second half started as in a normal match and went on with both sides gleefully advancing and making shots on goal, but failing. Your offside here and there and your corner kick this way and that. No one foresaw what would happen in the 68th minute when a large mouse ran out of the tunnel and onto the pitch. It was followed by two cats, two dogs, a raccoon, a porcupine, and soon after a horse, a mule, and an elk followed. This was not the end even as the animals charged down the field, dodging both teams' players. A group of yelling bandits tore through on horseback after the animals hollering "Hyah! Hyah!" and whupping loudly while blasting off guns in the air. The animals continued around the pitch, the match had been stopped for the time being, and went back out the tunnel they came in through and the entire chase followed. Everyone in the stadium was gripped with laughter and could not stop. The referree tried to blow his whistle repeatedly for order, but failed. Eventually, after half and hour of riff-raff, including the chase, everything died down and the match was restarted. Nothing happened until the 88th minute when MATOU Theo sent Sel Appa's second goal into the net, assuring victory. Full Time was called, leaving the scoreline at 2-0, Sel Appa.

The Turtles leave these World Cup Qualifiers with 4-2-8 record, and one win in a friendly against Alif Laam Miim. In addition, 16 goals were fielded and 23 conceded. A total of 14 points were earned, placing Sel Appa 7th in group, 5th in non-qualifiers.

2 For 2

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team made it two for two in attempts to qualify for the World Cup. The team destroyed Demot 5-0 to clinch a berth. The team played very well and you could tell they were going for it all. Cory Sorley scored in the 7th and 27th minutes, then Jon Fields scored in the 29th and 37th minute, then in the 67th minute Mike Martin scored. This win clinched a spot for the Sharks in to World Cup Proper.

Final Group 10 Table


Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy 14 10 2 2 32 28 11 17
Quakmybush 14 9 3 2 30 26 11 15
Hockey Canada 14 8 4 2 28 30 8 22
Giant Zucchini 14 7 2 5 23 24 21 3
Bostopia 14 4 4 6 16 25 29 -4
Demot 14 4 3 7 15 25 28 -3
Ten Thousand Maggots 14 1 4 9 7 10 34 -24
Palixia 14 0 4 10 4 4 30 -26


Finished Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia W 3-2
Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-0
Hockey Canada W 1-0
at Giant Zucchini D 0-0
at Palixia W 3-0
at The Archregimancy L 2-0
Demot W 5-0

Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 14
Cory Sorley 5
Andrew Plett 2
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Mike Martin 1
Chris Bricking 1
Darrel Ralegigh 1

Here we have the list of enterants for the Legends Shootout that will take place after the WCxXx Finals Draw takes place. 36 hours until entries close, if I've missed you off the list, you've got that long to give me (or the discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066&page=343)) a message/kick up the backside to make sure of your player's place.

Juan Tzimisces (Alasdair I Frosticus)
Xavier Xu (Ariddia)
Pizelkaxrovsky (Az-cz)
Peter Hobble (Bazalonia)
Peter Constantine (Becquerelia)
Vanessa Carpenter (Bedistan)
Stuart Abdul-Rahim (Bettia)
Clyde Misterson (Collonie)
Rual Mindiz (Cuation)
Micheal McShane (Delesa)
David Masterson (Demot)
Altáriël Telperiën (Dorian and Sonya)
Kyla night (Elves Security Forces)
Daniel Cunco (Eseck)
Jorge Mendel (Fmjphoenix)
mike Zendar (Haraki)
Debbie Dallas (Jeruselem)
Gabriel Kennedy (Krytenia)
Trevor Griggs (Lexington SC)
Matthew Force (Marion Oaks 2)
George Illyanich (Magnus Valerius)
Marc J. Floren (Milchama)
Nene (Nedalia)
Gilles Villeneuve (New Montreal States)
Pablo de la Rosa (Northern Caesarea)
Jon Fields (Quakmybush)
Jenji Y (Rejistania)
Tim Brick (Rordia)
Mike Jasper (Rorysville)
Tony Tarmey (Schiavonia)
Estavez (Sel Appa)
Crewenna Roskelly (Spaam)
Dirk Jools (Spruitland)
Mostafa Ogbadan (Squornshelous)
Simeone Di Bradini (Starblaydia)
Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves (The Archregimancy)
Ali (The Islands of Qutar)
Jualiar Vumaou (Turori)
Jay Masterson (Tynelia)
Callum Banda (Vilita)
Harold Freemont (Virginia Nova)

Finals draw will take place within the next 24 hours (but we're not telling you when!)

IT'S..... WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Basil and Theo!


"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Another World Cup qualification campaign over....."

"And another not nearly as hilarious as we probably thought it was abject failure, Theo...."

"Not least because so few teams in our qualification group seemed to care, Basil. Those entertaining little gnomes...."

"Cute, weren't they?"

"....were the only other team in the group that seemed to give a damn, Basil. Even Satan couldn't shift his big fat red arse long enough to comment much."

"That's a little unfair, Theo. Bedistan did take action over "Hot" Totty's dalliance with their team."

"I know, Basil, I know.... but I was hoping for a bit more of, well, I dunno, oomph."

"But look on the bright side, Theo... It was a quiet tournament for us! We didn't get thrown out of any countries, we didn't suffer any mental breakdowns causing us to smear our excrement over our bodies, and we only mentioned a nun, two donkeys, and a plate of spaghetti once - by our standards, that's calm."

"I know, Basil, I know..... but I just have this vague feeling of malaise, ennui, and other French words appropriated into English to describe existential angst."

"Angst is German, Theo...."

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz City
Il-Lur

Az-cz finshes qualifying campaign in fifth place

Az-cz showed good skills in this tournament, earning 19 points and finishing in fifth place. Although they struggled against top sides, they did win all six games against teams ranked below them. They finished their qualifcation with a home win over San Haven and a loss at Bedistan.
In the match against San Haven, a veteran team was sent out to take the pitch. Dn-Zf was starting in goal, Lur-Mn was up front, If-Wt was in for Pizelkaxrovsky, and they were the key players. If-Wt hooked up with Lur-Mn on two of the goals, If-Wt set up J-Nash for the third and Lur-Mn passed to Sim-Blr, who came on as a sub for the fourth.
In the game against Bedistan a team of youth played. Although they didn't have the abiity to take any points off Bedistan, they gave the Bedistani a hard match and showed that Az-cz will definitely be a country to reckon with in future world cups.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: It's finally over. a 5-4-5 record just doesn't cut it as Qazox finishes a very dissapointing 6th in group 7. although 3rd thru 5th were only a point ahead, Qazox just could not string back-to-back good games until the 6-0 and 3-0 wins over The Doja and Toranat on MDs 12 and 13. With a new coach and basically a new roster, Qazox may be further from the cup in 4 years than they were this time around. Hopefully a desent showing at the upcoming CoH will boost the ranks, but for now the nation's attentions are on the Women's team and their run at the 4th Women's World Cup.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Is 4th Time Charm or Another Disappointment?

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from New Montreal States where the showdown in Group 12 has just been completed. The match has been highly anticipated since the schedule was announces - Paladins vs. Sea Dragons - it just doesn’t get much better than that.

But the match had lost some of its hype as the Sea Dragons clinched their qualification spot and the Group 12 title on the previous match day. But it was still extremely important for the Paladins who desperately needed the win to assure the #8 side in the world of a berth in the WC proper. And the Paladins got that win with a hard fought 2-1 score at home. But it means little to the Sea Dragons who saw their reserves play NMS to a very, very close match.

Now for our chances in the WC itself. Hmmm…….. This should be the cup where we finally make it to the second round after three consecutive early exits. But we did win our group for the first time ever and everyone in the WC knows the ASMV defense will limit the opportunities. But we have a surprise for everyone - we can score. Believe it or not the defensive minded Sea Dragons actually boasted a +27 goal differential in the qualifiers - Also a first for the Sea Dragons. 31 points is also a new high as well as the 36 goals for. 9 points allowed is a bit higher than we would like but 5 of those were at the hands of NMS.

All in all, our chances look better than ever before. But we still are awaiting the group draw where we will likely see a third seed behind the likes of TnUI, Starblaydia, or someone like that. And Rejistania have become a normal fixture for us at this stage. So maybe we will be seeing them again this time.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
Finally the DORITOS have come back to Sativaville!!!

By Monty Python

Despite Squornshelous and Becquerelia denying that Sativaville's help allowed them to qualify for the 30th World Cup, Sativavillw went out and beat Kercia and finished 3rd in Group 4, only finishing 4 points behind the aforementioned Becquerelia. Now if only Sativaville had beaten them in the 1st meeting, Sativaville would have gone to the Cup instead. SEE OUR LOSS TO Becquerelia, ALLOWED THEM INTO THE CUP!!! anyway. the Stoners will now head to Dance2Revolution or Spaam to participate in the 22nd Cup of Harmony. We'll just win there and laugh while Squornshelous and Becquerelia don't even get a sniff at a trophy.

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY DIRT!!!

Despit not qualifing, the Zombiw Womabts finished off the best qualifing effort put forth by GW with a 3-1 win over Carvalo. GW finished 5th overall in Group 12 with a winning record of 7-2-5 for 23pts. Those Ox-worshiping freaks to our east couldn't even finish better than us as they finished with a 5-4-5 record 6th in thier group. For now it looks like the balnace of Football power in the Continuum has slightly shifted away from Qazox and toawrds us and to a lesser extent Sativaville who finished 3rd in thier group.

PART THE 18TH

Latias: HOW??? HOW WHAT? HOW I RAISED YOUR CHILD ALONE?? SURVIVED THAT SHOT?? CAUSED QAZOX TO LOSE TO BOSTOPIA AT TEH LAST WORLD CUP??? HOW WHAT??

Kyle/Paul: How.... umm. How is she doing? Our daughter?

Latias: OUR DAUGHTER??? I raised her... fed her, clothed her without anyone's help and 16 years later you dare ask How she is doing? Fine. Ask her your self, she should be back any minute after disposing of those two idiots who brought you here.

Sure enough, Agent Orange walked right through the door at that moment.

Latias: Agent Orange, meet your "FATHER" Kyle Cartman.

Agent Orange stood there looking at the man her mother claimed was her father. The man looked older than dirt to her, but something is his eyes made her take a second look and despite never having seen him until 30 minutes ago, she knew he was her father.

Latias: Agent Orange, you are dismissed for now. If you do not hear from me within an hour, implement Operation Omega Pi.

Kyle: Omega Pi...Why does that sound so familar to me?

Latias: All in due time, Kyle, all in due time, but first, the real reason you're here, or so you think. The match-fixing scandal. It was easy of course, you sell weapons to any old country during a civil war and no-one's the wiser as they think the other side stole them. Then I used that money to bribe every offical on the World Cup Committee (ooc: I'm not saying that the WWC is corrupt.. just IC wise) to allow Qazox the glimmer of hope just to be crushed. Just like this year, Money does buy lots of things.

(to be continued....)


(ooc: for anyone who may be intersested in the conclusion to this.. read about it during the 22nd CoH hosted by D2R AND SPAAM!!!. also I'm sad I didn;t qualify, but with RL stuff popping up I kinda knew I wouldn't. hopefully in WC31 I'llmake it!! see you in the CoH!!)

Azaña-Almost every citizen of Azaña was in the streets yesterday to welcome their heroes: the Tricolor Fury, after its heroic qualification for WC30 Finals. The players and technical staff arrived to the capital's airport and took a two-storey bus without roof, from where they applauded all the crowd.

In downtown Plaza de los Comuneros, the players made stirring speeches and the coach, Pepu Hernández, praised his boys for "do their duty and bring Northern Caesarea to the top-class of world football. I was always sure, because of your attitude, that we were going to qualify. We are a real team!"

President Teresa Fernández, who conceded to all the team the Honor Legion Cross (Northern Caesarea top distinction), siad that "The Nation is proud to greet its best ambassadors, who had extended the good name of the country across its borders".

Here we have what all those who have been waiting for it have been waiting for... the World Cup xXx Finals Draw!

In Schiavonia, scorinated by The Islands of Qutar...

Group A
Schiavonia (hosts, 17)
Rejistania (8)
Total n Utter Insanity (19)
Yafor 2 (51)

Group B
Starblaydia (1)
Tadjikistan (12)
Commerce Heights (23)
Spaam (29)

Group C
Krytenia (6)
Sarzonia (15)
Nedalia (27)
Becquerelia (33)

Group D
Casari (4)
Jeruselem (13)
Bettia (18)
Quakmybush (46)

In The Islands of Qutar, scorinated by Schiavonia...

Group E
Bedistan (2)
Fmjphoenix (11)
The Archregimancy (25)
Milchama (30)

Group F
Liverpool England (5)
Oliverry (14)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (22)
Bazalonia (40)

Group G
New Montreal States (7)
Ariddia (16)
McPsychoville (24)
Northern Caesarea (74)

Group H
The Islands Of Qutar (21, hosts)
Squornshelous (9)
Chicanada (28)
Cataduanes (31)

MD1: 1v4, 2v3.
MD2: 1v2, 3v4.
MD3: 1v3, 2v4.

Venues to follow.

* Funky theme music *

Two girls in bikinis on the beach.

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas
Rachel: And I'm Rachel Kool.
Dazza: AND this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE from Jeruselem's beach training facility.
Rachel: And I'm sure guys are just looking at us now, really hard.

Dazza: They just want to know who's the most top heavy.
Rachel: You're winning it seems

Dazza: The group draw has been done, with some interesting results.
Rachel: Jeruselem have been drawn in Group D but with some interesting company
Dazza: Like the World Champs Casari, 4th seed. Now, this will be interesting.
Rachel: Oh yes, playing the World Champs is definitely something we wanted to avoid but we'd rather play Casari than Starblaydia.

Dazza: 18h seed Bettia and 46th seed Quakmybush join us. Now, Quakmybush qualified instead of Hockey Canada from their qualifying group - so no Hockey Canada this World Cup finals. Bettia are Nedalia's buddies and yes, we have to play them again.
Rachel: No easy games here at all. All teams here are here by merit - all can win. Even the World Champ has to keep an eye on these other teams.

Dazza: Let's have a look at the stats from the qualifiers


Group 3
Casari 11 wins, 2 draws, 1 loss, 34 GF, 8 GA, +26 (1st)

Group 6
Bettia 10 wins, 2 draws, 2 loss 32 GF, 12 GA +20 (2nd)

Group 8
Jeruselem 11 wins, 2 draws, 1 loss , 39 GF, 9 GA, +30 (1st)

Group 10
Quakmybush 9 wins, 3 draws, 2 loss, 26 GF, 11 GA, +15 (2nd)


Rachel: As you can see from the stats provided, it's quite even. On paper, QuakMyBush is the weakest team with least wins and lowest goal difference. The other three are pretty close with Casari and Jeruselem being the best.
Dazza: The stats are clear, all teams here can score goals and don't concede too many either.
Rachel: So, it's going be really tough for us but we are determined to overcome the obstacles

Dazza: Nedalia have tough one too.
Rachel: Oh yes, any group with Krytenia and Sarzonia is not fun. Becquerelia aren't push-overs either!
Dazza: For those inclines to look at number, this group is pretty even too - but we have seen a problem for our Lions.
Rachel: Nedalia conceded 21 goals compared to 11 for Becquerelia. Krytenia and Sarzonia conceded even less goals

Dazza: It's all about attack the Lions but you can't concede that many goals for too long before being knocked out, especially with the attacks of Krytenia and Sarzonia being so good.
Rachel: Yes, winning about shutting out the opponent and scoring more goals than them. I hope the Lions don't leak too many goals in this group stage.
Dazza: The top 3 in Group can score lots of goals, so it's sure to be really exciting.
Rachel: And we want the Lions in the 2nd round. We didn't make to 2nd round last time so we have business to finish too.

Dazza: I feel so sorry for Yafor 2 - look at Group A
Rachel: The hosts Schiavonia, Rejistania and then Total n Utter Insanity. All ranked top 20!
Dazza: Yaforites did well but they have been thrown into the fire in Group A
Rachel: At least they don't play Starblaydia!

Dazza: That's it from some bikini clad chicks on TV
Rachel: The finals will sort out the chickens from the chicken hawks
Dazza: We'll see you at the World Cup triple ex finals
Rachel: Because you want to - even if you only look at our wobbly bits and don't listen to word we say.

Dazza: I'm going say this now - we don't do predictions. Why? Because we get it wrong like everyone else
Rachel: If you want predictions, read the foreign press. Anyway our predictions will so biased, no one will believe us.

Group A
Schiavonia (hosts, 17)
Rejistania (8)
Total n Utter Insanity (19)
Yafor 2 (51)

Group C
Krytenia (6)
Sarzonia (15)
Nedalia (27)
Becquerelia (33)

Group D
Casari (4)
Jeruselem (13)
Bettia (18)
Quakmybush (46)

Reading the group draw for the first stage of the World Cup James Gaines, still injured and in casts from his apparent, but accidental, shot on the Rejistanian goal.

The Starblaydi friendly still on the BFSA presidents mind and now the groups for the World Cup have been released he's got more to worry about. The other nations in the Bazalopes Qutari World Cup group.

The biggest worry is the Liverpool England team, the groups top seed being ranked 5th in the nation. The KPB ranking suggests that the Bazalopes match against this team will be a big can of whoop-ass being laid on the Bazalopes.

The next seed, Oliverry ranked 14th in the World, is probably one of the best nations that the Bazalopes could face as the 2nd seed but still the world cup is another beast altogether. Differing from the qualifiers dramatically as only the worlds best make it. This was looking to be a shut out for the World Cup debutants but then James was proud that the team had made it in 5 qualifiers. Granted it could have been argued that they where robbed in the last WC but James was a man of praticalities there where nothing untoward in the matches and it was to be all wiped away in the 30th incarnation of the World cup

And finally there was Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. The Sea Dragons, maybe the Bazalopes could be steal a draw from the Sea Dragons, but the World cup particularily for a nation ranked 40th in the world is a nasty place all he hoped is that the results of the group stage don't turn the jubilation in the streets of into riots. But generally Bazalonian crowds are well behaved, either way he hoped that the friendly against Starblaydia was a good idea. Would it take too much out of the team and cause the team to peak too early? or would it work out as intended. These where questions that only time would tell.

He sat at his desk and waited for the Starblaydi match to star, he was going to have a live feed of the match piped directly into his office.

Group Draws Completed
PINA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Public_International_News_Ariddia) talks to Ariddia coach

With Ariddia having qualified for the final stages of the World Cup, and having been drawn in Group G, we’ve talked to the Rouge-et-Noirs’ coach, Evgheny Melenciuc, about what lies ahead.

MELENCIUC: “There’s no such thing as an easy group, of course, and every match will be a challenge. We’ve done very well in the qualifying stages, but then so have most of our opponents, and this is a whole new level. At this stage, the slightest slip-up can be disastrous. But I’m very confident in our team.”

PINA: “Ariddia is ranked sixteenth in the world, and on paper should qualify to the next round.”

MELENCIUC: “Well, we all know that ‘on paper’ doesn’t mean all that much, but yes, the team are in very good shape, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t advance from this group.”

PINA: “Take us through the other teams drawn in Group G.”

MELENCIUC: “New Montreal States are the only one we’ve faced before, and that was only once. The teams from McPsychoville and Northern Caesarea are completely unknown to us, which means they can surprise us, but we’ll be studying their strategy, their strengths and weaknesses, very carefully.”

PINA: “What about New Montreal States?”

MELENCIUC: “We’ve played them once, during the first Draggonni Inviyatii. We lost by two goals to seven. In all of the team’s recent history, it was the match in which we conceded the most goals.”

PINA: “Yes, a lot of people remember Sandrine Leduc leaving the field in tears and resigning from the team.”

MELENCIUC: “And then joining again because she really was a very good goalkeeper.”

PINA: “Indeed. Should we be worried, though?”

MELENCIUC: “The first Draggonni Cup was a long time ago; we’ve improved a lot since then. New Montreal States are still ranked above us, but they’re not unbeatable.”

PINA: “So will that be the crucial match in this group?”

MELENCIUC: “Well, all three matches will be very important. And the idea, obviously, is to win them all. But the crucial match is probably the one against McPsychoville. If we want to have any hopes of advancing, that’s a match we absolutely must win.”

PINA: “The team remains unchanged, I suppose?”

MELENCIUC: “Of course. On ne change pas une équipe qui gagne.”

PINA: “What about the other groups?”

MELENCIUC: “Well, Group B is probably the Group of Death. It’s one of the only two in which all four teams are within the world’s top 32. Spaam faces an uphill struggle, but they’re in with a real chance of advancing. Group H is the other, and that will be interesting as well.”

PINA: “Anyway. . . You’re off to the Islands of Qutar!”

MELENCIUC: “Yes. I’ve never been there, nor have most of the team, so we’re all looking forward to that. At lot of people speak English and French there, they’ve got a genuinely socialist government, and I’ve been told the climate is quite good.”

PINA: “Well, enjoy your stay. Good luck, and don’t forget to bring us back the World Cup!”

MELENCIUC: *laughs* “We’ll give it our best try. Thanks!”

"Jeri, I thought I could trust you! you utterly disappointed me!"

"Frankton'he. My lips were sealed! I have no idea how this could have happened!"

"You surely sold this info to the National!"

"If I can do anything to prove my innocence, I will! The sky should come upon me if I was telling it to the National, Nenrivakansa should remove me from the surface of the earth if I would have broken my promise!"

"How else can the National get its information?"

"I can only suspect we were eavesdropped... if that was the case, it would be my fault for asking you..."

"Yes, that might have been the case, how do you say about the National and the worms?"

"The reporters for the National are in this position because they lacked the good karma to become worms!"

"It is true seeing how much rumour they already spread and how often they did work illegally!"

"And immorally!"

"Right, Jeri. but still, it seems so... so improbable!"

"This is Rejistania. We all were crazy about this and the National did apparently try to get political statements from many VIPs. I want to excuse for getting you into such a situation. despite me not having said anything, apparently I was responsible for the situation."

"Jeri... you could not predict it."

"I should have at least asked you elsewhere!"

"Jeri, it happened! mi'halen'ta! I do not blame you if it is like that."

"I am glad, that you do!"

"However, please do not take it personal that you will not play in the match in Dance2Revolution."

"Why?"

"Ila I Les needs a chance... and this match matters not at all so some players will get a chance to gain experience."

"I understand your reasoning, but it makes me feel disappointed."

"I fully understand that, Siki, but I think it is important that I Les needs experience."

New Montreal States (7)
Ariddia (16)
McPsychoville (24)
Northern Caesarea (74)

"...and now it's time for People Who Like Sports Way Too Much. I'm Thrice Nightly, your host, and we've got the results of the group-stage draw in. But before we go picking motes out of other nation's eyes, let's take a good look at the giant sequoia in our own eyeballs. Bill, what do you think of the Paladins performance so far?"

"We sucked, Thrice."

"Really?"

"Yep. We sucked it up like Paris Hilton on camera. Although so far nobody's answered their cellphone mid-game."

"So there's hope, then?"

"No."

"Thank you, Bill. Now we'll take a look at the other sides in our group. Top of the list is Ariddia. Bill?"

"The key to our success against them will be our ability to correctly spell their names. We've struggled with that in the past, but I think we've turned the corner. It's A-R-R-I-D-A, right?"

"No, I think it's A-R-R-I-D-I-A."

"So we're hosed."

"What about McPsychoville?"

"Well, what ABOUT McPsychoville?"

"They're in our group, and I'd like your opinion on them."

"Alright, Thrice. They'll qualify."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah."

"So you think they'll edge out Ariddia, then?"

"No, I think they'll edge our sorry asses out, and those other French People will also get by."

"Do you have any rational grounds for your prediction?"

"No."

"Irrational grounds?"

"Gilles Villeneuve looks like a queer with that ridiculous new haircut. Also Billy Corcoran backed his SUV over my foot in the parking garage after the ASMV game."

"Alright, time for the final team in the group, Northern Caesarea. They've taken their lumps, and slowly risen through the system to finally qualify for the first time. What can we expect from them?"

"..."

"Bill?"

"I'm trying to find Northern Caesarea on this map."

"So why does your 'map' hsay Big and Raunchy on the cover, and a picture of a girl doing..."

"It's got a map in here somewhere. Or at least some geography. Take a look at these mountains!"

"Alright, since my co-host is too far gone in sick, twisted fantasy to comment, I'll just say that Northern Caesarea is my upset pick of the show."

"It's also the only pick you've made this show."

"Just rain on my parade some more, why don't you. Coming up after the break: my co-host demonstrates how to hide embarassing stains while broadcasting live on cable TV! Stay tuned for more People Who Like Sports Way Too Much.

Second Round Here We Come
Starblaydia should cruise through Group B

Yes, we know it's a very cocky headline but hey, Starblaydia is the number-one team in the world; described previously as the best team in the Universe. We think we can make this sort of prediction with confidence. Based on Starblaydia's performances against these teams in the past, as well as Starblaydia's performances in the Qualifiers, we feel confident that the Second Round will see Starblaydia in it.

Group B in Schiavonia
Starblaydia (1)
Tadjikistan (12)
Commerce Heights (23)
Spaam (29)

So there we have it. Tadjiks, CapitaliZts and whatever it is you call people from Spaam. Spaamananaananianiaians? However it goes, Starblaydia should really be expected to go three for three in this Group. Here's how Starblaydia have shaped up, all-time, against their three opponents.

Starblaydia record versus Tadjikistan:
World Cup 23 Finals
Starblaydia 1-0 Tadjikistan

World Cup 25 Qualifiers
Tadjikistan 3-1 Starblaydia
Starblaydia 0-1 Tadjikistan

Draggonnii Inviyatii 1
Tadjikistan 4-0 Starblaydia

Draggonnii Inviyatii 2
Tadjikistan 2-4 Starblaydia

World Cup 28 Finals
Starblaydia 1-0 Tadjikistan

The two teams took a while to meet each other in international competition,
with the first fixture coming some twenty-eight years ago, where Starblaydia won courtesy of Zhorin Tumunzahar. Since then it has been mostly Tadjik victories: along with Starblaydi neighbours Nova Britannicus they were the only teams to beat Starblaydia in that glorious World Cup 25 championship-winning campaign. Two episodes in Andossa Se Mitrin Vega set up a Draggonnii Riivallryii between the two nations, but Starblaydia also faced, and this time defeated, the Tigers on the way to their second even more glorious World Cup 28 championship.

So, unless the Tigers can find that bit of magic that will unlock Starblaydia's impressive defence, we expect a Starblaydi victory by two or maybe even three goals.

Prediction: 2-0 win for Starblaydia


Starblaydia record versus Commerce Heights:
World Cup 16 Qualifiers
Starblaydia 0-1 Commerce Heights
Commerce Heights 1-1 Starblaydia

World Cup 17 Qualifiers
Starblaydia 3-3 Commerce Heights
Commerce Heights 1-1 Starblaydia

World Cup 27 Finals
Commerce Heights 0-3 Starblaydia

Starblaydia and Commerce Heights met twice in two cup Qualifiers back in the old days - even Simeone Di Bradini was around in his prime to score on two occasions against the green and yellow menace. Here they developed a reputation for score-draws, with their being two 1-1s and even a crazy 3-3 draw way back over fifty years ago. It took forty years for the two teams to meet up again, but by then Starblaydia had conquered the world and suitably conquered the CapitaliZts. Once again expect Starblaydia to do the same.

Prediction: Starblaydia to take it 3-1, unless its a crazy 4-4.


Starblaydia record versus Spaam:
World Cup 27 Qualifiers
Starblaydia 0-1 Spaam
Spaam 0-5 Starblaydia

And lo, Starblaydia meet Spaam for only the third time ever in their histories. They stretch back quite a long way, but a 1-0 loss and a resounding 5-0 vicotory. Starblaydia, by all rights, should walk away from this match with a resounding victory.

Prediction: Starblaydia getting 3- or 4-1 win to see them through to the next round.

"Sir, sir, your group draw is here" Greg Hughes's secratary said.

"Thank you, Robin" he replied. He took the piece of paper and looked over it as he added notes.

Casari (3) - played them once before an lost only 2-0, could contend. Prediction, a close loss.
Jeruselem (13) - never played them before, very good and powerfull team, attractive reporters. Prediction, close loss or maybe a tie.
Bettia (18) - our best chance for points. Prediction, hopefully a win, or tie.
Quakmybush (35th) we moved up 11 spots.

He thought that 3 points would be nice but 1 was more likely. He said that hopefully 3rd place in the group was not out of sight.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Struggling Milchama get poorish draw

The Milchama Warriors after failing in their last two games, a draw against Cuation and then the backups barely losing to Oliverry 3-2, to ruin the 29 game unbeaten run, now are ready for the real show: Their third World Cup appearance. However, its not looking good for the Warriors as they are in a tough Group E against a bunch of other experienced and probably better competitors. Actually Milchama is ranked 4th in the group, but Jamie Smith seems confident he said, "We might be in last now, but I think we can advance. We weren't really thinking in our final two games and those were our only losses of the campaign. Anyway, even with our loss 29 of our last 30 games we have gotten points in and 26 of those were wins so we're definitely the team with the most form right now."

With his confidence we now look to Group E:

Bedistan (2)- Believe it or not this is actually the first time we have faced Bedistan in any World Cup sanctioned event. We might not want to be facingt them right now as they have won 3 World Cups in the 20s and have been in the semis or quarters of many others. This is the only game that we're not confident about.
Fmjphoenix (11)- The Phoenixes are another very good team. We played them both in World Cup 23 and World Cup 25. They have been to every World Cup since WC 23 and are slowly moving up the rankings. Just on the verge of the top 10 they will be really hard to beat but it could happen and we think we can do it. They've never advanced past the quarters in the WC so one never knows.
The Archregimancy (25)- The Monks again. We seem to have a similar history to them. We both started caring in World Cup 24 and since then have both qualified for every World Cup together and missed the same World Cup (29) together, in the same group. Our record against the Monks is littered with some succeses but mostly failures. But right now we are on a hot streak and we think we can win.
Milchama (30)- That's us the lowest ranked team in the group, but like that matters because we're over confident. And the last time we were overconfident we ate our predictions, the time before that we ate our words but the time before that we were successful. So maybe there's hope.

Now for our predictions of the rest of the groups as predicted by Douglas Jefferey.

Group A
Schiavonia (hosts, 17)- Third. The hosts aren't as good as their two main competitors. It will be tough though.
Rejistania (8)- First. The former karelans romp.
Total n Utter Insanity (19)- With an undeafeated qualifying the Insanians do quite well to advance.
Yafor 2 (51) Fourth.- Hey they made it.

Group B
Starblaydia (1)- Easy throughness for the Starblaydis.
Tadjikistan (12)- They usually make it through the group stages but they can actually stop being the Spain of NS? We'll see.
Commerce Heights (23)- SLANI is too busy attacking JSY to do well. Fourth.
Spaam (29)- Third. We have no idea why Spaam finishes third but they do.

Group C
Krytenia (6)- They made the semis last time and with godmod player Sam Duffy can only build on that momentum. First.
Sarzonia (15)- The great nation of Sarzonia no loner seems to care about NS, which is unfortunate but means failure for the Star here. Third.
Nedalia (27)- This opens the door for the Lions of Nedalia to go through and they will. Second.
Becquerelia (33)- Might pull off one upset but probably not. Fourth.

Group D
Casari (4)- Did they really win a World Cup? We still don't beleive it. Of course World Cup 29 really did not take place so not like it matters anyway. Oh yeah ummm Third.
Jeruselem (13)- With Casari going on a terrible failing Jeruselem pick up the slack and go and finish First.
Bettia (18)- HANIL TAKIL! The Takilan Bettians with their red ants of doom manage to sneak in front of Casari and finish second.
Quakmybush (46)- Hey, you know what? They qualified again.

Group E- Look up. Idiots.
Bedistan (2)
Fmjphoenix (11)
The Archregimancy (25)
Milchama (30)

Group F
Liverpool England (5)- LE seems to do very good every cup. Heck they even beat us in the middle of our hot streak (not competitive doesn't count). First.
Oliverry (14)- The Frenchies are going to have trouble with the Tidal Surge. Plus we think they're overated. Third.
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (22)- With the HUGE upset of Oliverry ASMV gets a gift from their first generation. ADVANCEMENT! Second.
Bazalonia (40)- More whipping boyness! Go Bazalonia. Wait they Neil Kabants. How the hell did they qualify? How the hell did he get another job? Seriously we got a total of 4 goals under him. FOUR!!!

Group G
New Montreal States (7)- They're ranked 7. No way No way No way. Oh yeah First.
Ariddia (16)- McP does not seem to care about this cup so therefore the Frogs? get in and advance. Second.
McPsychoville (24)- The Psychos are still good enough to get third though. Third.
Northern Caesarea (74)- The lowest ranked team in the cup gets crushed. Let's hope its worse than our throttling in WC 27.

Group H
The Islands Of Qutar (21, hosts)- The hosts get an easy group. (BIAS! BIAS!). However that will be enough for them as they still lose to Chicanada and Cataduanes. Fourth.
Squornshelous (9)- The Psychoes played very well during qualification and probably did not lose a game. This bodes well. First.
Chicanada (28)- The Kodiaks getting in with their wonderful rambling. Second.
Cataduanes (31)- The Islanders get lucky and are able to secure third place after a shocking draw with Qutar. Third.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Joseph 72, Albentine 80)
Oliverry 3 (Jones 12, 21, 53)

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS TO FACE BEDISTAN
"Knock-out Stages Reachable" Says Coach

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


The footballing monks of the Archregimancy have drawn one of the toughest assignments in international football after being placed in the same group as World Cup powerhouse, and three-time World Cup winners, Bedistan.

"They may be a nation of sinners, heathens, and heretics, but they certainly know how to play football" said team captain Fr. Constantine the First-Called.

Other sources close to the team have questioned Fr. Constantine's judgement, noting that the presence of a Greek minority may mean that not all citizens of the Grand Dominion are blind to the truth of Orthodoxy.

Other teams in the group include 11th-ranked Fmjphoenix and perennial Archregimancy opponents Milchama.

Team coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable is said to be "quietly confident" that the team can progress to the group stages provided the squad can get a result in the crucial first match against Fmjphoenix. A win against the Hebrews of Milchama would then, with God's help, send the team through. "It's not out of the question" said the coach "we reached the quarterfinals of World Cup 28, after all. Through God, all things are possible. Except perhaps winning the tournament - No reason why we can't be practical about the level of miracles we can expect" he added, laughing.

Group E
Bedistan (2)
Fmjphoenix (11)
The Archregimancy (25)
Milchama (30)

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons Dodge Rejistania in Group.
Miracles do happen

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from FNN Headquarters in the heart of Errion Vega.

The group draw for WC30 was announced earlier today and as expected ASMV has received quite a task to handle if they are to finally move forward from this stage. Let’s take a look at things and evaluate our chances.

Group F of the Qutar side of things is where we have been placed. But it is not as bad as it could have been.

Liverpool England is the top dog of the group. And if things play out as expected, they should easily walk away with the group title. So the real battle seems to be for the second spot.

Oliverry. This is the side that we are looking to overtake. And it can be done. Oliverry looked very, very solid in qualification as they racked up a ton of points and won the group on the final day. But the Sea Dragons and their “Tidal Surge” style (hey! Someone actually knew and remembered it! Thanks Milchama) are known for the defensive nature they produce. So now the question simply becomes “Will Oliverry be able to crank out the goals or will ASMV’s defense shut them down?” And “if things don’t go according to plan, can ASMV continue to score goals like they did in qualification?” Big questions. And we will find that out on MD1. This match could decide who will move on to the second round.

Bazalonia. These guys are glad to be here. That should be enough. But the Bazalopes are capable of a big upset. We will have to stay sharp to make sure we are not the victim.

And for the other groups.

Group A
Rejistania is quite simply brutal. And after facing them in this stage the past two times we are more than happy to let them be someone else’s problem. 1st. TnUI should be the other side that slides through, perhaps even stealing the top spot in their final WC appearance. Schaivonia will battle Yafor 2 for the third spot but don’t be surprised to see Yafor 2 slip past and drop them to 4th.

Group B
Starblaydia should win a tight match with Tadjikistan to win the group and the Tadjiks will be left in second. Commerce Heights could be trouble but then again so could Spaam. The bottom two could be the ones to advance, but we feel it wont happen that way.

Group C
Krytennia should win the group, but it will be a dogfight for the other spot and we predict Bequerelia will hide in the shadows and slip into the next round unseen. Sarzonia and Nedalia are both very solid but will likely beat each other up badly on MD1.

Group D
Jeruselem will be solid enough to take the group and Bettia will ruin the hopes for a repeat from Casari. Quakmybush will finish last and be lucky to get a point - again.

Group E
Ouch. Bedistan is a pure machine that will be hard to beat, but Fmjphoenix can do just that. Unfortunately The Archregimancy can beat the Vikings and Milchama can beat both of them if they continue the great qualification form. We say Bedi pulls Milchama along for the ride to the second round.

Group F
Already covered that

Group G
NMS looked abysmal in qualifying. That means they will romp through the group and take the top spot. Ariddia will easily outclass McPsychoville. Northern Caesarea will be looking to keep the goal differential in single digits.

Group H
Squornshelous will trash this group and whoever can gain something besides this ass-kicking will move on. Qutar was gifted the easiest of the groups but Chicanada will take their glory anyway. Cataduanes seems to be outclassed but is still dangerous.

More to follow after the MD1 war with Oliverry.

In other News Pao St Martinique will be competing in the penalty competition for ASMV.

Many of you know Pao simply as the manager of the Sea Dragons, but his is really quite a story.

When ASMV hit the WC scene way back in the BoF preceding WC25, Pao was a starting forward that helped ASMV easily cruise into the finals undefeated before losing a heart-breaking final to friends Cuation.

Then the WC was set to begin and ASMV was scheduled to make the trip to Spaam. Pao would injure his left ACL in that match and effectively his career as a player was over before it began. To make matters worse, the match was declared a friendly due to a scheduling error by the WC hosts and the injury seemed to have had no meaning.

But Pao gained new life when he was handed the managers job midway through qualification and has held the job ever since - taking the Sea Dragons to their 4th consecutive WC proper.

The injury may have ended his playing days, but the leg is strong enough for him to compete in this competition. Hopefully he will perform well enough to prove he was the right choice for ASMV to send.

The building of the Na~ovi National didn't look like the fortress of pure evil, it somehow was. It was a building from the thirties, which looked not suspicious at all, except that there was a statue of Kedeme Rani in front of it. Kedeme Rani was something of a freedom fighter from the first revolution, however he was notorious for his lax moral standands and his cruel treatment of victims. The Na~ovi National executives liked him for exactly these qualities. Currently there was a meeting of the sports-reporters. about 12 persons were in the conference room. The editor in chief explained them that the World Cup would be an important event for them since then scandals, which are uncoverred spark much.
"What if he don't find out anything?" asked a person new to this job and still having high ideals about journalism.
"Oh, we will find something" and he glares at her indicating a clear: "or else...". He explained that the presentation of the group also would be very important. The Orange-Blues of course were the highest-ranked team in the group, but this means, it is not really interesting. To make it more interesting how about making it appear the orange-Blues are the clear oddballs in Group A.
"Total n Utter Insanity on matchday 1, they did neither lose nor draw! They surely will defeat us! Schiavonia on matchday 2 has the home-crowd on their side! On matchday 3, we have..."

The new one from before replied: "Yafor 2"

"Okay this is a challenge to you all! why will we lose against them?"

ideas flew through the room: "bad luck" "They beat us in WC10 qualifiers" "that was another team" "We misunderestimate* the team!" "They have Alan Belmore!" "We will play far too defensively against them!" "Ila I Les!" The room went silent. Ila I les was one of their favorite victims after he won a lawsuit against one reporter, who decided that sneaking into his ken-te and making pictures through his windows was not bad. The National had a fieldday when he couldn't save Fredrik Van Hujkdul's shot. "You have sources that Ila I Les will play in goal again?" the reporter pointed to his head, meaning: I am making this up. "mi'halen'ta, we say 'rumour goes'!"


*OOC: In rejistanian and isesi this can be expressed like that.

Starblaydia Fully Prepared For Cup
Asante and Rage both score two in Bazalope friendly

Before jetting off to the Kingdom of Forty-Six Islands of Schiavonia, Starblaydia played host to Bazalonia, oh they from the far side of Atlantian Oceania, in a friendly match in Tabeck. Politically, Tabeck is the home of the Atlantian Oceania Regional Defence Organisation, a facility that the new United Nations Delegate for AO, John McKay, would like moved to somewhere 'neutral'. Whatever the talking heads in suits say about the politics (oh why is it always political when Starblaydia play... anyone), this match was the team ranked at number forty versus the team ranked at number one.

Starblaydia, as usual, opened the scoring thanks to Lawrence Asante. The centre-forward has found a new lease of life since moving from Legalese and travelling across the water to Fareham FC of The Islands of Qutar. He was Johnny on the Spot when a Jackie Maitland shot cannoned back down off the bar. With Jeffery Constantine floundering of the floor, unable to stop the initial shot, Asante burst past Fjord Perts to simply leap and nod the ball over the line from a round a yard out. Both he and Perts ended up in the net, and the two untangled themselves, with Perts sportingly offering Asante a hand up to celebrate with his teammates. Durum Rage put Starblaydia two-up before half time, firing low and hard past Constantine from the edge of the area.

Bazalonia came out in the second half fired up and eager to get back into the match. They did that from an early corner, Benny Peters heading in with a flourish just two minutes into the half. Captain Rage, however, wasn't having any of that and promptly put Starblaydia two goals up again fifteen minutes later. All that was left was for Asante to get a second goal of his own and put Starblaydia 4-1 up before the end of the match.

Starblaydia fly off to Schiavonia having bid their fans a fond farewell with an emphatic victory. Let's se if that brings them extra fortune in the, hopefully, seven matches to come.

Final score from Tabeck Arena:
Starblaydia 4 - 1 Bazalonia
(Asante 15 & 77, Rage 36 & 61) - (Peters 47)

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/vilita.gif Vilita - 0__________1 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


SCHIAVONIA BOUND
STRONG QUALIFICATION GIVES BECQUERELIA MOMENTUM


ROENTGEN, BECQUERELIA (JNS) - It was a forgone conclusion going into the match: Becquerelia had earned the second qualification spot in group 4, Vilita and their team of mystery players were in the cold.

Regardless, Head Coach Mark Crescentini decided to keep his starters on the field. "Got to keep us on the march. If we rest them, we might lose our strength," was Crescentini's reasoning behind his choice.

So the starters were on the field at the beginning of the game, and Razak Khalef scored the only goal of the match in the 22nd minute, and Becquerelia finished the second half of qualifying with a 3-4-0 record.

"We got alot more ties there at the end than we wanted, that's for sure," said Assistant Coach Peter Constantine, "but you can't argue with the results. Only one loss, a plus-15 goal differential. The last time we had a goal differential that good, we were playing Haraki in the Baptism of Fire."

Overall, nine players scored goals for the Black Cats, with Zikan accounting for 10 of them. "I still could have done better, though," said Zikan. "There were several scoring chances that I wasn't able to capitalize on completly. We've got to take advantage of them all if we want to do well in the World Cup.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia - 2 Sativaville - 1
MD06: Squornshelous - 3 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Vilita - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 2 Kericia - 0
MD09: Sashonska - 2 Becquerelia - 2
MD10: Becquerelia - 0 Uncle Pete - 0
MD11: The Weegies - 0 Becquerelia - 5
MD12: Sativaville - 0 Becquerelia - 0
MD13: Becquerelia - 2 Squornshelous - 2
MD14: Vilita - 0 Becquerelia - 1


Goal Scorers
Zikan - 10
Gregory Conveniencia - 4
Niceaus Annunziata - 3
Razak Khalef - 3
Paul Annunziata - 2
Leo De Grenier - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1
Thomas Strazzabosco - 1
Ambrose Wainwright - 1

Starblaydia 4 - Bazalonia 1... the scoreline echoed in the minds of the Bazalonians as they returned to the dressing room dejectidly. "I still don't see why we had to play the world's number one." commented Andrew "The Bandit" Creek. "Oh, yeah and you reckon we have a chance at getting through to the knockout stage?" commented Neil Kabants

"Oh, yeah great pep talk there coach." scoffed Andrew.

"I'd whack you over the head if I was allowed." calmly stated Neil "but you know everyone wrote us off in this match. All the media, all those Starblaydi out there and even James Gaines back in Bazalonia. They all wrote us off, but you know what I saw out there? I saw a team that penetrated the Starblaydi defense a team that had only conceeded 4 goals though all the 14 qualification matches that they had. Don't worry about the scoreline. I see a team that took it to world number 1's and made them work. I see a team that despite being 2 goals down in the first half formed together, worked as a team a socked it too these Starblaydi and hit them where it hurts. On the scoreboard. And guess what? We won't be facing number 1 in the group stage, we won't be facing number's 2 ,3 OR 4. All matches in our World Cup group are against teams that are worse than those that we have faced. We have taken it to the Starblaydi's and we can also take it to Liverpool England, Oliverry and the Vegans, The only loss is a match that we don't go to the dying second fighting, no matter what the scoreboard says. Fight to the end and this group of Bazalopes, who have given Bazalonia their first world cup appearance can bring it and win against the best 31 nations in the world. The world, the bookies and even some Bazalonians may right us off but let me tell you. They are the ones that don't know how much heart and how much fight you guys have, they don't know you as much as I do. You went out there today and showed just why we have become one of the 30 nations to earn our spot here and we are going to god damn show everyone the reason why we got this far. I know what you are capabile of now you just need to show it to the rest of the world."

And with that the team started to prepare to head from Starblaydia over to the isolated islands of Qutar. Where they will do combact against the worlds best footballers and finally, Bazalonia is there.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

Rabblin on to the Knockouts?
Apparent Easy Group Could Finally Break our Way

Eastentown - Yes, we've all heard it before.

"This time we'll make it!" "We'll get a win!" "No more single points!"

And then we tie our opener, get a weird loss secondly and collapse in the finale.

But, for a change, it might just break that way.

Chicanada will be heading (after mandatory penalties practice) off to The Islands of Qutar to compete in their fourth ever Finals - and their second in a row - in group H, against the current co-hosts, Squornshelous and Cataduanes.

Yes, we all know this, based on ranks (which must not be updated, cuz we should not still be #28) this is the easiest group in the field and clearly set for The Islands to advance. But the Rabbler, along with most international publications, suspect that the co-hosts may be facing an early exit.

It does help the Orange Stars that they get their "easy" game against Cataduances second, meaning a win their and the customary tie in the opener against Squornshelous might give the side enough before their final match to make the Knockout rounds.

Yes yes, we're going out on a major limb to say that we, the Malli Army, the Orange Stars, will somehow make our way into the Knockout Stage for thei first time. As will Squornshelous atop the group. We'd go as far as saying The Islands will bottom the group, but we're a tad unsure about Cataduances (although we sorta fancied them in qualifying) being able to snatch a win or tie against them.

In the other groups, we're not quite sure how any will really break.

Group A have the hosts, the scary side, the typical team in and the surprise. Schiavonia should have an easier time making it to the Knockouts, but will be second to Rejistania. If Yafor 2 continues their streak from Quals expect them to be a very dark horse.

Group B have the #1 side already, so I think we can move them on. As for the other three sides, really any of them can make the Knockouts, and if any catch Starblaydia off guard it's on. We'll take Commerce Heights as the other side, but just barely.

Group C should break easy for Krytenia but we're not so convinced. If any of the top seeds look like a possible out it's them, especially with Sarzonia, Nedalia and Becquerelia all talented enough to stop them. We'll go on a limb and move the Stars along, with the Lions and Krytenia in a dead heat fort he second slot.

Group D has the rather surprising defending champs and all would expect them to move on. We'll do so for now, but we look at Jeruselem or Bettia to pip them for the top slot in the group. Quakmybush could sneak in, but would need two major upsets to make it.

Group E should be tougher than the seeds say, especially with The Archregimancy and Milchama making it back in. One of them will get past Fmjphoenix and head to the Knockouts with Bedistan, but we're not sure which one. We'll take the orthodox for the moment.

Group F presents us with a want and expected finalists. Personally, the Rabblere wants ASMV and Bazonia to advance. But we'll be disappointed, since LE and Oliverry will yet again make the Knockouts.

Group G has New Montreal, which should advance but will run into trouble with the evil evil Ariddia and McPsychoville. Could they not make the Knockouts? We think they'll tie for the second slot with McP and just barely edge them while the Evil will advance with flying colors.

Group H is ours, and as we said, we see Squornshelous and Chicanada making it just ahead of the Islands with Cataduanes right on their heels.

Expect us to be wrong later!

Pschychoes Looking Ahead

Group H looks to be easy pickings
To be perfectly honest, our headline is not precisely accurate. The Pschychoes themselves are most certainly not looking ahead. Rather, they are focusing on their matches against three teams they should beat, hoping to avoid the disappointment of their last two cups. However, we, the press corps and fans, can't help but look forward from this very easy looking group. With Squornshelous at 9th in the world and the other three teams 21st, 28th and 31st, the Pschychoes look to have been given a free ride to the second round. The Islands of Qutar will be a bit of a challenge, owing to their massive home field advantage, but surprisingly, most predictions have them failing to advance, taking instead, the Kodiaks of Chicanada. Regardless of who takes second, the fact remains that every prediction released to this point has picked the Pschychoes to dominate. We will look to continue our unbeaten record here, and hopefully, all the way to the final.

Group H
The Islands Of Qutar (21, hosts)
Squornshelous (9)
Chicanada (28)
Cataduanes (31)
MD1: The Islands of Qutar v Cataduanes, Squornshelous v Chicanada
MD2: The Islands of Qutar v Squornshelous, Chicanada v Cataduanes
MD3: The Islands of Qutar v Chicanada, Squornshelous v Cataduanes

And here are our predictions for the rest of the groups.

Group A
Schiavonia (hosts, 17)
Rejistania (8)
Total n Utter Insanity (19)
Yafor 2 (51)
A close fight here, perennial powerhouse Rejistania should go through, and Total n Utter Insanity are rolling right now after a perfect qualifying campaign. Schiavonia will fight hard, but crowd support can only get you so far.
Prediction: Total n Utter Insanity and Rejistania

Group B
Starblaydia (1)
Tadjikistan (12)
Commerce Heights (23)
Spaam (29)
Starblaydia, full of themselves as they may be, are justified in that sentiment. They'll have as easy a time with this group as we hope to have with ours. Tadjikistan should be able to fend off Commerce Heights and Spaam for second place.
Prediction: Starblaydia and Tadjikistan

Group C
Krytenia (6)
Sarzonia (15)
Nedalia (27)
Becquerelia (33)
An interesting group. Krytenia have been resurgent of late, but how good are they really? A group full of solid teams will test them here. Nedalia will continue their trend of underachieving and Becquerealia may scare a few teams with close scores.
Prediction: Sarzonia and Krytenia

Group D
Casari (4)
Jeruselem (13)
Bettia (18)
Quakmybush (46)
Casari are probably one of the most discredited teams in football. no one seems to give them and respect at all, and that's why they'll come out swinging, taking 9 points fro this group. Jeruselem may have the hottest reporting duo on the planet, but how good are they're actually players? Quakmybush is an interesting story, going two for two on qualification, but don't expect them to challenge Bettia.
Prediction: Casari and Bettia

Group E
Bedistan (2)
Fmjphoenix (11)
The Archregimancy (25)
Milchama (30)
Bedistan may not be the uberteam of recent years, but they can still handle a group like this. Fmjphoenix may have trouble dealing with The Archregimancy's monks.
Prediction: Bedistan and The Archregimancy

Group F
Liverpool England (5)
Oliverry (14)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (22)
Bazalonia (40)
For our own sake, we really hope Liverpool England doesn't make it. As if that'll happen. The froggies should be able to follow them through. Bazalonia will probably go pointless.
Prediction: Liverpool England and Oliverry

Group G
New Montreal States (7)
Ariddia (16)
McPsychoville (24)
Northern Caesarea (74)
New Montreal States can't possibly be ranked that high! It's true? Wow. I guess they'll go through, but the story of this group will be Arridia returning from obscurity to the second round again. McPsychoville better have fun running up the score against Northern Caesarea, because that's the only fun they'll have.
Prediction: New Montreal States and Ariddia

First, Second, and Verd
Neighbours, Rivals in Group C

The draw for the Finals has been made, and Krytenia find themselved in what is likely to be their last meeting for a while with their fiercest rivals, Sarzonia. Southern neighbours Nedalia could be the new "Big Bad Derby", especially if the Lions nick three points, and Becquerelia close out Group C.

As for the rest of the groups...

Group A
Schiavonia (hosts, 17)
Rejistania (8)
Insanicia (19)
Yafor II (51)
Home advantage always seems to lift a side above what is expected of them. To this end, Schiavonia should make it through from this group, while a 100% qualifying record does not guarantee success in the finals, especially if you're Insanicia. Meanwhile, the poor Yaforites will be cursing their lick to get a group this heinous.
Prediction: Rejistania & Schiavonia

Group B
Starblaydia (1)
Tadjikistan (12)
Commerce Heights (23)
Spaam (29)
The Men In Mauve may have gotten themselves in a harder group than they imagine. It's by no means a walkover, but Starblaydia should get the two wins that will almost certainly be enough to get through. Behind them, it's anyone's guess, but we're picking a resurgent Spaamanian side to cause some ructions.
Prediction: Starblaydia and Spaam

Group D
Casari (4)
Jeruselem (13)
Bettia (18)
Quakmybush (46)
Welcome to the title defence of doom, Casari. This is one of the trickiest groups to call; Casari may have the silverware, but Jeruselem are no pushovers, and Bettia have a highly promising team. Even Quakmybush cannot be ruled out; they are one of the rising stars of the circuit. Expect a shock here.
Prediction: Bettia and Jeruselem

Group E
Bedistan (2)
FMJPhoenix (11)
The Archregimancy (25)
Milchama (30)
There will be no Orthodox quaification from this group; the Archregimancy quite simply have bitten off more than they can chew. This will be a Lion/Phoenix top two.
Prediction: Bedistan and FMJPhoenix

Group F
Liverpool England (5)
Oliverry (14)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (22)
Bazalonia (40)
Two of the most respected sides in the WCC are in this group; however we can't se either of them qualifying. Instead, Liverpool England and Oliverry should make it through.
Prediction: Liverpool England and Oliverry

Group G
New Montreal States (7)
Ariddia (16)
McPsychoville (24)
Northern Caesarea (74)
Another high ranked team ripe for the picking. Ariddia and McPsychoville have both been on the rise of late; the States could make it an Orthodox washout.
Prediction: Ariddia and McPsychoville

Group H
Qutar (21, hosts)
Squornshelous (9)
Chicanada (28)
Cataduanes (31)
The hosts always do well. the "Stupidheads" always do well. These things shall come to pass once more, much to the chagrin of Chicanada and Cataduanes.
Prediction: Squornshelous and Qutar

Errinundera World Cup 30 summary

Qualifying Results

Q1: Errinundera 4 Benlandngdo 3 (ubhashinim 3, otelopea )
leighm medal: ubhashinim 3, otelopea 2, keok 1
gk: lúthient

Q2: Liverpool England 1 Errinundera 0
leighm medal: blackwoo 3, phazel 2, keok 1
gk: lúthient

Q3: Spaamanian Plijous 1 Errinundera 0
leighm medal: phazel 3, ubhashinim 2, blackwoo 1
gk: lotorous

Q4: Errinundera 0 The Lowland Clans 4
leighm medal: no votes awarded
gk: lúthient

Q5: Errinundera 1 Winchestia 1 (rosaniel)
leighm medal: keok 3, soflaw 2, rosaniel 1
gk: lotorous

Q6: Errinundera 1 Hiiraan 0 (rosaniel)
leighm medal: itzro 3, lotorous 2, rosaniel 1
gk: lotorous

Q7: Chicanada 3 Errinundera 0
leighm medal: no votes awarded
gk: lúthient

Q8: Benlandngdo 2 Errinundera 2 (uhbashinim , rosaniel )
leighm medal: atherosperma 3, ubhashinim 2, rosaniel 1)
gk: lúthient

Q9: Errinundera 1 Liverpool England 2 (otelopea)
leighm medal: otelopea 3, atherosperma 2, keok 1
gk: lotorous

Q10: Errinundera 2 Spaamanian Plijous 6 (addicksonia, ubhashinim)
leighm medal: no votes awarded; medal suspended
gk: lotorous

Q11: The Lowland Clans 2 Errinundera 0
gk: lúthient

Q12: Winchestia 3 Errinundera 4 (rosaniel 2, soflaw, otelopea)
gk: lúthient

Q13: Hiiraan 1 Errinundera 1 (addicksonia)
gk: lúthient

Q14: Errinundera 3 Chicanada 3 (otelopea 2, rosaniel)
gk: lotorous

Team result
Win: 3
Draw: 4
Lose: 7
Goals for: 19
Goals against: 32

Goalscorers
6 rosaniel
5 otelopea
5 ubhashinim
2 addicksonia
1 soflaw

Death toll
MONDA, former sacred tree of Rodger River
25,000+ from terrorist attack during match between Lexington and Magnus Valerius
Many potoroos from fright after huge firework display after last qualifying match
Unknown number of cows in The Lowland Clans for processing as T-bone steaks
25 fans from exposure and frostbite after a severe storm struck Frosty Hollow
3 executives during an on-pitch riot in Liverpool England
2 fans from complications arising from the collapse of a temporary stand in a domestic match
Potoroo vice-captain ubhashinim when a tree fell on her at Frosty Hollow
1 member of Corporate Torchers Inc when the society’s headquarters were burnt down
1 journalist for failing to take medication

Errinundera failed to qualify.

"Welcome to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV, live from the King Francesco Stadium. I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and we're here today to look at Schiavonia's chances in the World Cup that they will be hosting for the first, and probably last, time."

"Why do you say that, Filipo?"

"Have you seen some of our stadiums? We might as well just play the games on random patches of grass!"

"You've obviously never heard of Roegrow Grass Patch, have you?"

"I can honestly say that I have never heard of such a place in my entire life."

"Well, it was a football pitch used in World cups hosted by Cockbill Street that was, quite simply, a patch of grass. It'd make the Herculean Stadium in Cartfield look Spaamanian!"

"Really? No! That can't be possible!"

"It really happened, Fil. It's there in the history books!"

"So where did all the fans watch from?"

"Just around the sides of the pitch. Just like they would do in the lower village leagues in this country, but with loads more people."

"WOW!"

"But we're not here to talk about the lack of quality in Schiavone Stadia, but the hopeful presence of quality in the Schiavone team. Of course, there are a lot of changes to that team, so it's definately a case of youthful exuberence taking over from experience. Will it be good for us?"

"No."

*silence*

"You not going to expand on that?"

"Well it's obvious, isn't it?"

"Is it?"

"Of course. The new guys won't have played together as much, so they won't be as fluent with each other, and so we won't be as good."

"OK. Well that answers that one, I guess. Although I did say it as more of a rhetorical question. But never mind. Shall we look at Schiavonia's opponents?"

"Righto."

"Well, our first game will be against Yafor 2, who have made it to the World Cup finals for the first time."

"Indeed they have, Mike. And they just so happen to be one of our favourite opponents, mainly for that game in the Cup of Harmony that just so happened to be the final, and the that the Sloths won narrowly by four goals to one."

"You fancy our chances, don't you?"

"Well, to be honest, I'd probably be a fool not to!"

"You've got to remember that they've improved a lot since then. And twenty seconds ago, you didn't seem all that convinced that we were any good."

"And your point is?"

"That it won't be as easy as you're making out?"

"Pah!"

"Filipo, you really can be quite patronising sometimes! The Yaforites overcame Ariddia and Spruitland in their qualifying group, they finished first ahead of those two. And you say it'll be easy?"

"Of course. Since when has anyone who overperforms in qulifying done well in the finals?"

"It does happen from time to time."

"Not really much, though. Their luck will have run out, and they'll leave the opening game empty handed."

"Well, I think that we should win the game, too, but it won't be the walkover you make it out to be. Moving on, our second game is against an old foe from Schiavonia's days, the formerly ultra-defensive but now decidedly moderate orange-blues of Rejistania. Can you see us getting anything here?"

"Possibly. but they are a much better team than we are, and not even our home crowd cheering on our boys will change that fact. I'd say a draw at best, although I'm not too hopeful."

"I'd go along with that view, Fil. And finally, in what could be yet another all-important decider, Total n Utter Insanity will play us in Welkay."

"Another win. What did I just say about teams over-achieving in qualifying?"

"I guess so. Still, I think it could go either way, so let's hope we don't have to do too much when it comes down to it. Finally, how far do you think we'll get?"

"Looking at the draw and how it'd work out... we sould make the quater finals if luck runs with us. That's my prediction."

"You've changed your attitude from ten minutes ago! Well, I'll say second round again, although at the World Cup, you've gotto remember that absolutely anything can happen!"

"Of course."

"A winner, Fil?"

"Krytenia. Using the old over-slash-under-achieving in qualifying method."

"Well, I'm going to say Bedistan. Didn't have it completely their own way on the way here, but looked assured enough even in getting to this stage to say that they probably haven't peaked yet. Anyway, we'll be back tomorrow night with the highlights of the legends penalty shootout from the KFS. A quick run-through of the concept, first round is three kicks at former Druida keeper Elastic Edwards. He's in his seventies, now, but he's still as athletic as ever. Score those three and they're through to the next stage, with is automatic knockout upon a miss against Schiavonia's Ben Kershaw. After losing the sixth from last legend, we will have the final round, before the rest take kicks in front of an international audience of trillions at the World Cup 30 opening ceremony. So we'll see you tomorrow night. Goodnight from me, Mike Jones..."

"...and me, Filipo Schiavone. Goodnight!"

"Welcome to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV, live from the King Francesco Stadium. I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and tonight we've got something special from a sell-out KFS, and that is a legends penalty shootout featuring some of the most famous players from 45 nations taking part in World Cup 30."

"Actually, it's 43."

"No, it's World Cup 30. What are you on?"

"I mean, 43 nations that are in World Cup 30. Collonie and Druida aren't in it."

"Oh, well, there's still 45 nations represented."

"...and Druida isn't even a nation any more. They just got Elastic Edwards to keep goal because he moved to Kingsbury in his old age. And he was cheap."

"OK, well besides, it should be a fun day. Tony Tarmey, though not officially retired, will be using the event as a bit of a swansong, as will ben Kershaw, Schiavonia's goalkeeper from World Cups 26, 27 and 28."

"So who's going to win?"

"It's penalties, Mike. Even you should know that you can't predict the winners when it comes to penalties. But the last five should be going throughto a final at the opening ceremony of World Cup 30. And for updates on how it goes, keep your eyes on the scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11664381#post11664381). For now, though, enjoy your afternoon..."

Sel Appa's Top Player fails to Best Keeper in Shootout

The Turtles' widely regarded best play Estevez was unable to defeat the keeper in the first round of the penalty shootout for the 30th World Cup. He did manage to slip two past the old, but strong goalie. However, the keeper soon caught on and was able to block the last one from entering, eliminating Estevez from the shootout. Asked about any regrets the striker replied: "Not really, this guy was real good and almost caught my first two. I thought I had him, but he could really see where I was going. I suspect that when you get that much experience, you just know where to go by looking at a player."

Still The Best
SDB down to final five

If you pay very close attention to current footballing matters, you may be aware of who four out of the five 'legends' are will be in the World Cup 30 Penalty Shootout competition. Pizelkaxrovsky from reigning Baptism of Fire Champions Az-cz, who are only in their first World Cup, some guy who used to played for Rorysville, Tynelia's aging striker current Jay Masterson and even Crewenna Roskelly of Spaam the thirty-three year old 'greatest Spaamanian midfielder' since someone else we've never heard of.

Its a pity, isn't it. Where are the names we do know of? The great Vanessa Carpenter of Bedistan was the very last player to be knocked out of this tournament at the third kick of round three. The most godmoded Rejistanian ever, Jenji Y, couldn't sustain more than 5 minutes of goalscoring - as per usual. Dirk Jools, Callum Banda, Juan Tzimisces, Nene and the over-hyped Gabe Kennedy (who used to play up his hole? I can never remember - Ed.) - they all fell by the wayside along with a host of other strikers who never made an impact anywhere other than their own countries - if that.

Yet look at the final five, besides those four players, and we have one name that stands out as one of the greatest ever. The terror of defences for five World Cups - 16 through to 20 - the World Cup President for three World Cups - 25 to 27 - the one, the only: Simeone Di Bradini.

Yes, folks, the man who's only joint-third on Starblaydia's all-time goal-scoring list, with a record of 44 goals from 84 matches. He cost £40M when he was transferred from future Champions' League winners Iskara Daii to previous Champions' League winners Alan City, where he took over the #10 shirt from the original Alan Belmore.

He took nine penalties in the qualifying rounds for this little side-show before the Finals kick off, and he scored all nine. With all of his four opponents a good half of his age, at best, at least SDB has the experience. Can he show all these upstart nations (and one chick from Spaam) what experience can do?

Fields Fails in Shootout Bid

Jon Fields was in the Legends Penalty shootout today at World Cup XXX, he got passed the first round perfect but then in the next round on his first shot he shot and hit the post. He finished tied for 19th with a host of others. Now Fields has to concentrate on the World Cup Finals, which start tommorrow.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png

Carpenter bows out of legends competition

SCHIAVONIA -- Temporarily leaving her team in the hands of her assistant as they traveled to the Islands of Qutar for the World Cup xXx group stage, Bedistan Lions manager Vanessa Carpenter took a detour to Schiavonia to participate in the Legends Penalty Shootout competition.

The 69-year-old Carpenter seemed confident as she prepared to take the pitch against fellow legend Trefor 'Elastic' Edwards. "My foot isn't going to win Bedistan a World Cup anymore, but I think I still have a little life in me," she opined with a wink.

And indeed she does. Carpenter was drawn to kick 14th of the 44 competitors, and she did not disappoint, going three for three against Edwards. 23 other competitors did likewise, advancing to the second round against a younger opponent in the form of Ben Kershaw. Once again, three kicks and three goals for Carpenter, as she became one of ten to proceed to the third round.

In the third round, kicks were taken one at a time rather than three. Carpenter survived the first phase, though Adam Carrero and Daniel Cunco of Liverpool England and Eseck, respectively, did not, narrowing the field to eight. Two more were eliminated on the second kick - Ali from Qutar and Rejistanian über-substitute Jenji Y. But the third kick spelled the end of the line for the Bedistani manager, as Kershaw managed to get a fingertip to the ball to send it just off target.

"You know, I'm proud of myself," she said after that kick. "My legs are not what they used to be, but I guess they haven't completely rotted away." In a lower voice, she continued: "And now I know who to sub in if I'm really desperate and we're going to penalties."

The final five will participate in the final round of the competition at the World Cup's opening ceremony in Schiavonia. But for Carpenter, it's back to Qutar to help her team through what looks to be a potentially tricky Group E.

finalscore
Vanessa Carpenter: 8 (eliminated in 3rd Round, 3rd Kick)
Ben Kershaw: 1
Trefor 'Elastic' Edwards: 0

Masterson Makes Shootout Finals

In a major surprise Tynelia's own Jay Masterson has reached the final five in the penalty kick shootout. To the surprise of many the legendary Alan Belmore is not one of the other four who made the finals. To the surprise of many it was a host of relative newcomers who made the finals as Masterson joins as legends from Az-cz and Rorysville joined Masterson in the final five. The only two players from teams present before Tynelia's entry into international competition come from Spaam and Starblaydia. While some find it odd so many newcomers are in the final five its not really.

Most of the legends from the teams who have been around much longer are also much older than the entrants from the newer nations. In the latter rounds it was clear that the more youthful players had the advantage and the only oldtimer of the group is Starblaydia's Simeone di Bradini the former WC president. Of courtse if any legend of his age would make it this far naturally it would be the Starblaydia rep.

Now we shall see if Masterson can give Tynelia its first ever victory over Starblaydia in anything or if the legendary old timer can pull one over the whippersnappers he's up against.

Peter Hobble in the Schiavonia Penalty Kickoff before the World Cup group stage. Had a press conference

"So, I'm here what quesions do you want to ask me?" Said Peter Opening up the floor to questions

Schiavone Reporter: "<name removed>, from Schiavonia Scribe. So what did you think yo your performance in the PK Competition?"

Peter Hobble: "Pretty shockin'. I can't believe I missed the 2nd shot, but, yeah, I'd like to congratulate all that made it to the final 5. Pizelkaxrovsky, Mike Jasper, Jay Masterson, Simeone Di Bradini and Crewenna Roskelly, and special commiserations to Vanessa Carpenter from Bedistan. Who only falled at the final hurdle. I would like to say that there was some special occurance that prevented me from scoring but the fact is that I missed."

Bazalonian Reporter: "So how do you reckon you will do during the World Cup?"

Peter Hobble: "Well, It will be tough, it will require alot of work and luck but I do believe that we can make it to the knockouts. Whether we will get there is another matter all together. Our opponents are tough, but so are we."

Bazalonian Reporter: "This is Bazalonia's first World cup that we have qualified for, will this be the first of many?"

Peter Hobble: "Well, this will be the first of many, whether WC31 will be the next time we'll be in the proper world cup, I'm not sure when but the Bazalopes aren't going anywhere and it is just a matter of time that we become a World Cup regular and become a real threat to teams like Starblaydia, Bedistan and FmjPheonix. Well thank you, I've got to go and get a bit more practice. Thank you."

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Incomprehensible Sports Publication

Waffles Aim For Greatness

Tomorrow sees the opening ceremony of the thirtieth football World Cup in
Schiavonia, and for the second time in a row, the great nation of Spaam will
be represented by our finest and best. The team will be captained, for the
last time, by the great Crewenna Roskelly, the greatest Spaamanian midfielder
since Lehua Hoopai. [ed: see my comment below] Tehta Trevelyan,
the young wonder-striker, will no doubt lead the goal-scoring, as he has done
for the past eight years.

Keeper Feoca Arthur will actually be playing his first cup, after being injured
last time. And the rest of our squad will be playing their best, attempting to
beat the world's best teams. They will all be coached by Tamsyn Pengelley,
who has helped Spaam turn around from finishing last in their qualifying group,
to a third place in the Cup of Harmony, and two consecutive World Cups. It
is with her help that the Waffles are making their way back to being one of
the best footballing nations in the world.

[ed: Starblaydis know nothing about football history. Lehua Hoopai was
Spaam's top midfielder, captain, goal-scorer from World Cup IV to VI, leading
the Waffles to third place in World Cup VI over Errinundera. She was also
assistant coach for World Cup VII, doing most of the work to lead the Waffles
to the finals, and head coach until World Cup XI. She is one of the most
famous Spaamanian footballers, and the first great female player. Of course,
Starblaydis think that the World Cup didn't start until World Cup XII, which
may explain their ignorance.]

The Waffles have a tough group in the group stage. Top seed and our first
opponents are the world's number one side, Starblaydia. A truly formidable
team to go up against, but certainly not unbeatable, as they will surely
remember. We will also want revenge on them, for dealing us our single
biggest loss. [ed: 5:0, World Cup XXVII qualifiers] This match will be
held at Sedgebury, the largest stadium outside Kingsbury.

Next up is our easiest game, if one could call it that. We will be facing old
rivals Commerce Heights, who will be looking to get past the group stage for
the first time in almost thirty years. Critics actually have us as favourites for
this game, but most die-hard fans take that to mean favourites to not lose by
more than two. That match will take us to Shamrock Park in Threlo, the
heart of the Schivaonian Celtic community.

Finally is a match we are all dreading as much as the Starblaydi game, that
against Tadjikistan. They can still not forget the time over fifty years ago
when we beat them in the playoff to qualify ahead of them in World Cup XVII.
We will be heading to Kingsbury for that match, to play at The Throne, the
biggest club stadium in Schiavonia, and the second largest overall.

So, what are our chances? Though we had an easier qualifying run four years
ago, most critics rate this team as better, and we are more likely to grab a
point than the dismal World Cup performance last time. We always have a
good chance of making the Round of 16, having done it nine times out of our
fourteen World Cup appearances, and it will make a good send-off for retiring
great Roskelly. We will just have to wait and see, but expect some fantastic
football!

World Cup XXX

Here are our predictions for the World Cup!

Group A

Rejistania
Schiavonia
Total n Utter Insanity
Yafor II

Yafor II has been drawn into a bad group, and noone gives them much of a
chance. Perennial losers Total n Utter Insanity will do what they do best,
lose. Schiavonia should go through easily with the home advantage, but
Rejistania will have a perfect run, as the Rejistanians usually do.

Group B

Starblaydia
Tadjikistan
Spaam
Commerce Heights

Everyone backs Starblaydia to go through on top, and noone blames them;
they are the number one side in the world for a reason. They also pick
Spaam to do well for some reason, but we doubt that we'll make it past the
group stage, and maybe only finish better than the capitalizts.

Group C

Krytenia
Sarzonia
Nedalia
Becquerelia

Krytenia are good, and better than the one really good Sarzonia. Nedalia and
Becquerelia don't really stand a chance in our eyes.

Group D

Jeruselem
Bettia
Casari
Quakmybush

We're pretty sure Casari are a one-hit-wonder, only winning the last cup
because of the intimidating home crowd. The Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks
still impress everyone, but we doubt that they'll gain more than a point; this
is still the big league. Jeruselem should go through easily, and everyone, like
us, predicts good things for Bettia.

Group E

Bedistan
Fmjphoenix
Milchama
The Archregimancy

Bedistan are the most successful footballing side in history, and their number
two ranking does not mean they are second best. Fmjphoenix will do well,
while we just don't rate the Archregimancy.

Group F

Liverpool England
Oliverry
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Bazalonia

Our Heartland neighbours dropped a couple of places in the rankings, but had
a perfect run in the qualifiers, and shouldn't look like stopping any time soon.
We think Oliverry had an easy qualifying group, but should still make it
through, as ASMV and Bazalonia are just in a lower league.

Group G

McPsychoville
Ariddia
New Montreal States
Northern Caesarea

A tough group here, though Northern Caesarea will feel the brunt of the other
teams. We think McPsychoville can only improve, while the World Cup
founders should move ahead of NMS, who we think were lucky to even
qualify.

Group H

Squornshelous
The Islands of Qutar
Cataduanes
Chicanada

The Islands of Qutar have a home advantage, and that does well for teams,
but they just aren't as good as Squornshelous. Cataduanes and Chicanada
should be competitive, but we pick Chicanada for last.

Roskelly Down To Final Five

The Legends penalty competition have seen past and present greats from
around the world compete in a penalty kicking competition. After three
rounds, there were only five players left: three unknowns, former World Cup
egomaniacal president Simeone Di Bradini, and our very own Crewenna
Roskelly. They all kicked nine straight goals, and will compete in the final
showdown at the Opening Ceremony.

World Writes Us Off For Dead

Villeneuve eliminated in penalty contest

SCHIAVONIA - Gilles Villeneuve came up short of the final round of the Legends penalty-shooting contest, missing a shot before the eliminatory round. Villeneuve was nonplussed by the defeat, saying: "It didn't count for squat in the group stage. Did it? It didn't? Good."

Meanwhile, the world (including our own bunch of local turncoat radio personalities) have written us off as another Total n' Utter Insanity, who always gets to the group stage but never seems to do much afterwards. Although we didn't do that well in qualifiers, it's a blank slate ahead of us, and anything can happen. We'll just take it one day at a time, giving it 110%, and...

Alright, we blew it earlier, we admit it. But we aren't dead yet. And don't think we don't see you sneaking up behind us with that mallet, either.

Somewhere in the MFA football offices:

"Wasn't that penalty kick shoot out thing today?"

"Yeh it was"

"Who did we send again?"

"Floren, who else?"

"Umm people who could actually take PKs like Copperlee or Faren."

"Nah, he's the all time leading goal scorer, we couldn't send anybody else."

"Well then, how did he do?"

"He lost in the second round."

"You've got to be kidding me, no way."

"I'm serious."

"THAT'S TERRIBLE! Unacceptable. I told you that we should have sent Copperlee or Faren or anybody else."

"No you didn't sir"

"Shut up you."

"Yes sir.

Az-cz Scroll
Schiavonia
Il-Lur

Pizelkaxrovsky gives Gnome fans a big reward

Pizelkaxrovsky showed a great ability to control his kicks to place the ball over the net to make all nine penalty kicks taken in the competition. Joining him in the finals are Mike Jasper of Rorysville, Jay Masterson of Tynelia, Simeone Di Bradini of Starblaydia, and Crewenna Roskelly of Spaam.
We contact Pizelkaxrovsky after the match and he said "I'm proving that I'm a real star. As soon as the rest of the Gnomes catch up with me we'll be a qualifying worthy side."
As for the predictions, here's my predictions for the finals. I think Mike Jasper of Rorysville will be the first out. Then our Pizelkaxrovsky in fourth. Crewennna Roskelly of Spaam will finish in third, and then Di Bradini will come up just short, leaving Jay Masterson as the master of penalties.

The Islanders have been drawn into the same group as co-hosts Qutar, however the real threat to Cataduaño chances remains Squornshelous who must surely be favourites to top group H, Chicanada are the remaining side and only ranked 3 places ahead of the islanders, none of these teams have ever faced Cataduanes and bookies do not seem to favour the Islanders chances. However as has been seen in the qualifiers this time round Cataduanes have a good balanced squad that will work hard and hopefully show a good account of themselves, with some hard fought points and a bit of luck the Islanders may have a chance albeit a slim one.

Group H
Qutar (21, hosts)
Squornshelous (9)
Chicanada (28)
Cataduanes (31)

"Welcome to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV, live from the King Francesco Stadium. I'm Mike Jones..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone, and we're here for the opening ceremony of World Cup 43, whe..."

"It's World Cup 30, Fil."

"You told me it was World Cup 43 yesterday."

"I didn't but never mind."

*Filipo tuts and shakes his head* "Ok, so here we are for the opening ceremony of World Cup 30 and, later on, Schiavonia's opening match against Yafor 2."

"For those of you at home, you should be able to see a sequence of events on the screen at home now. That's what's supposed to happen, but considering they hired Kenny Sanderson to plan the whole thing, I'm sure it will all go down the pan."

"Kenny Sanderson? Jeez, they get him to do everything, don't they?"

"Well, he had to do something with his time since he retired and our series of "Around Schiavonia" was cancelled."

"Hey, why was that cancelled?"

"Because we took a three-month holiday in Casari. That and the fact that the scriptwriters were too busy making the scores look all fancy for people around the World."

"Scriptwriters? Since when have we used scriptwriters?"

"I don't think we have. But that's the excuse SchiaTV gave."

"Fools."

"Well, anyway, what matters is that we're here now, and the opening ceremony is about to get under way. Starting off the ceremony will be Schiavone band The Usual Suspects, who will be performing their NSVision song about cheese, only changing the words so it's about football instead."

"Didn't they come last at NSVision, Mike?"

"They did. Indeed, they were almost beaten by the Oliverrian entrant who didn't even show up."

"So why are they on?"

"Close friend of Kenny Sanderson."

"Oh."

"Well, the party atmosphere and the seas of orange and dark red is about to be shattered. Everyone at home, block your ears NOW!"

*Mike and Filipo's voices make way for that of the Master of Ceremonies, Kenny Sanderson.*

"Ladies and Gentlemen, The Usual Suspects!"

*They start playing a really out of tune acoustic guitar really badly. Then the words start.* "Football, Football, we love football..."

"It's atrocious, Fil. Fil? Where've you gone, Fil?"

*The song continues in the same awful manner, until, about a minute in, the 'music' stops on the stadium speaker system.*

"Thank the lord for that. Oh, look at them, they're still playing, but nobody can hear them! And some of the more volatile members of the crowd are throwing bottles at them! And... oooh, that didn't look like water that that one was full of. Someone really should tell them that we can't hear them and that's why the crowd are cheering. Poor deluded souls. Oh, there you are, Fil."

"Indeed I am. Sorry, viewers, but I really had to do something about that. It was horrendous."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I just popped downstairs and cut a few wires. I think I got away with it, but I'm sorry if I spoilt it for anyone."

"Spoilt it? I think you could go down as a bit of a hero, Fil. Saving trillions of ears around the world from such a horrendous racket."

"Why thank you. Anywy, what's next?"

"Next is, I'm being informed, a slight delay while they mop up the contents of the bottles that the band were pelted wtih."

"Oh. You do know that they were bottles filled with urine?"

"I suspected as much. And hoped so, too. Hopefully it will teach those boys a lesson. I mean, why couldn't they get KC and the World Cup band back so we could start this cup how the last one finished?"

"Because they're not Sanderson's mates. And they're not from Schiavonia or Qutar."

"Well, during this break in proceedings, here's an interview with Schiavone Legend Tony Tarmey, after the Legends Shoot-Out that took place here last night."

- - - - -

"Tony, what happened?"

"I missed."

"Silly question, really. But how the devil did you miss? You're Schiavonia's record goalscorer, and by a considerable distance, too!"

"Yeah, but none of those were penalties. I always let Kenny Sanderson take them because he was so much better than I was at them."

"So, in an odd way, inexperience made you miss."

"You could say that. But then, that's not what today is about."

"What is it about?"

"It's about the charity money being raised from the tickets."

"Of course. Before you go, how do you rate our chances this cup?"

"Well, anything less than the last sixteen again will be disappointing after last time. Hopefully I'll get a little run out in front of the home crowd, but if not, I'm sure the lads who do play will do us proud."

"TOny, thanks very much."

- - - - -

"So, Kenny Sanderson to blame again. At this rate, he'll bever get our jobs!"

"Especially after the opening to this ceremony. Anyway. Back over to our favourite person in the world to carry on with the show."

*cut to the pitch*

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Pizelkaxrovsky..."

*applause*

"...Mike Jasper..."

*further applause*

"...Jay Masterson..."

*applause continues*

"...Simeone di Bradini..."

*some cheers to join the applause*

"...and Crewenna Roskelly!"

*crowd cheers as the five enter the arena*

"Well, here we are then, for the last five legends. They'll take it in turns to shoot at Ben Kershaw. Filipo, why didn't you enter this?"

"Because I'm not really a legend. And we had Tony Tarmey, who is."

"But really, is Mike Jasper?"

"Who?"

"He's the guy from Rorysville who is here today."

"Well, I guess. But we were in Casari when the applications went in."

"Of course we were. Anyway, while we were discussing that, Pizelkaxrovsky missed, so now we are down to four. Some guy that myself and Filipo have never heard of is next, so no doubt he'll probably score."

"That's always the way with these things."

"Indeed it is. And indeed he has. Sent Kershaw the wrong way."

"Well done, Rory!"

"His name is Mike."

"Whatever."

"Anyway, aren't you glad that that first guy from Az-cz missed?"

"Of course I am. How do you pronounce it again?"

"Pizelkaxrovsky."

"Pizzle-carks-os-of-key."

"You'll get it one day. Jay Masterson just missed for Tynelia, by the way, so we're down to three. That nobody fella could win this!"

"He can't."

"Why not?"

"I won't let him!"

"What do you mean, you won't let him?"

"If he's going to win, I'm gonna steal the ball!"

"Steal the ball?"

"Yeah."

"Fil, I know you've already stopped the worst band in history from performing, but you can't steal the ball!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's obvious that it'd be you doing it!"

"It is?"

"Yes! Anyway, I'm sure SDB or Crewenna will have a say in things."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Becuase they've both just scored. Look will you stop bickering and have faith! I know you don't want Mike Jasper to win, but that's no need to act like this. It's almost as bad as the time when you thought you were going to war!"

"I did go to war!"

"No you didn't! Schiavonia have never been in any war ever!"

"No, but I have!"

"Fil, you didn't go to war. You went to Lazer Quest. War has people getting shot dead and blown up and what have you. Lazer Quest is a game with lazer guns where the worst injury you're gonna get is from stubbing your toe against a wall."

"OK, so I didn't go to war. But I did join the army!"

"We don't have an army, either."

"We did!"

"No. We don't have an army, we never had an army. End of."

"We so did!"

"And how big was this army?"

"There were two of us!"

"You and who, exactly?"

"Some preacher guy I met in the city. Told me the world was going to end and that we needed to fight to save it!"

"Riiiiight..."

"But then he decided it would be a much better idea to jump of Kingsbury Rock, so that kinda put paid to that."

"You didn't join the army, did you?"

"No."

"Good. Well, while we were talking there, you'll have seen all three penalties were scored in round two, but Filipo's favourite player Mike Jasper of Rorysville missed in round three, so it's down to Simeone di Bradini and Crewenna Roskelly, who anyone with any football knowledge at home will know are representing Starblaydia and Spaam, respectively. Quite ironic, really, as theose to countries play each other in their opening Group B game later."

"Indeed, though I don't think SDB's actually involved in that one."

"I don't think so either. Anyway, he takes a short run up... and scores. So the pressure's on Roskelly. The only female in the final five is still here in the final two. But she'll have to settle for second! Tipped onto the post by Kershaw, and Simeone Di Bradini is the winner!"

"And, to be fair, there probably wouldn't have been a more popular winner amongst the Schiavone fans. At least, not unless Tony Tarmey had actually taken the whole thing a bit more seriously."

"So, for you all at home, here are the results of the final shoot-out..."

Pizelkaxrovsky (Az-cz) 0
Mike Jasper (Rorysville) 1 1 0
Jay Masterson (Tynelia) 0
Simeone Di Bradini (Starblaydia) 1 1 1 1
Crewenna Roskelly (Spaam) 1 1 1 0

"...and SDB wins a million weilds to give away. Or maybe keep. I don't know, it's up to him, I guess. Personally, I'd go halves, but then I don't have a million weilds."

"You do realise that SDB's appearance fee was three million weilds, Mike."

"Really? Oh, well. I suppose some people get paid that much for a reason."

"Well, there you have it. Simeone Di Bradini, once a winner, always a winner!"

"Well, that ended up quite fun. What's up next?"

"Next we have the big finale, were they get loads of kids from the 32 participating nations to run around a lot before Giovanni Lopez comes in and says we can get on with the whole thing."

"Great!"

"But that'd be after these important announcements..."

- - - - -

"...Welcome back to the KFS for the conclusion of the opening ceremony of World Cup 30 with myself and Filipo. We're about to watch the finale, which will involve lots of little kids running around the place. This is going to go wrong, isn't it?"

"They do say never work with kids, Mike."

"They do indeed. And it isn't children from each of the countries participating, as I said earlier. That's the mascots at the games. No, this is 100 children from a local school and 100 from a school in Qutar."

"A recipe for disaster if you ask me."

"First up, a history lesson from some of the kids."

"World Cup 1. Held in Ariddia. Won by Crosshill."

*At this point, two children, one with each of the flags of the two nations, appear by the players tunnel. The move around, to be followed by two more children.*

"World Cup 2. Held in Alasdair I Frosticus, won by Al Quds."

"This could get boring, Mike."

"You should think yourself lucky, Fil. If they try this in a couple of hundred years, we could end up being for hours."

"You really think there'll be a World Cup in a couple of hundred years?"

"Why not? It's already lasted A hundred and twenty. And there's more entries nowadays than ever before! Once something gets on a roll, it can be hard to stop it!"

"I suppose it can. So if Schiavonia hosts, say, World Cup 108, you think we'll probably have the same display for that?"

"Depends if they have Kenny Sanderson the fifth in charge or not, I guess,"

"You really have it in for Kenny Sanderson, don't you?"

"Of course I do! He does everything, and usually he's bloody hopeless, but they keep asking him back to do more! He's just publicity hungry, and he wants our jobs!"

"Whatevr you say, Mike."

"It's true! He'll never get it, of course. Nobody wants to see him that much. And, apparently, people don't mind listening to us rambling on. So we're quite safe for now."

"Oh. Well, that's nice."

"It is. So anyway, as the kids wander around... look at those two fighting over the Bedistani and Liverpool English flags for World Cup 8. I knew there'd be trouble."

"And this is only the beginning! There's still most of the kids to come out yet!"

"And... oh, this is embarrasing. They've not actually gotten enough Rejistanian flags. Apparently, counting up to seven for three hostings and four wins was too much for the organisers, and one of the stewards is running towards a small cluster of Orange-Blues fans who've come to see the ceremony and is asking to borrow their flag."

"So if one of the flags for World Cup 23 doesn't quite seem correct, now you know why!"

"Well, this is taking a ridiculous amount of time, but we have to sit through it all. We're still only up to World Cup 15, and the crowd are starting to get bored of it all and start their own party amongst themselves."

"How very Schiavone!"

"Indeed it is, Fil. The goings on on the pitch are really dull at the moment. Just a whole load of kids walking around the athletics track that runs around the edge of the pitch with a load of flags. But the fans don't care."

"I think they're speeding it up a bit now. Just to get it out of the way."

"I don't know. The boy with the World Cup 21 Lethislavaia flag appears to be in desperate need for a trip to the toilet."

"If only The Usual Suspects were still on!"

"Why?"

"Then he could fill a bottle up and chuck it at them.

"Shut up, Fil."

"Sorry, everyone."

"Indeed, well, here come the last few kids..."

"World Cup 29, hosted by Krytenia and Casari, won by Casari.

"...and I think Lethislavania has, indeed, wet himself! Oh dear."

"WORLD CUP 30! HOSTED BY SCHIAVONIA AND THE ISLANDS OF QUTAR!"

*To this announcement, Tony Tarmey and Ali, the great goalscorers of both nations, appear from the players tunnel and make their way to the centre of the pitch.*

"As hosts, Schaivonia and The Islands of Qutar were auto-qualifiers for World Cup 30. But One hundred and twenty other nations competed for the right to join them in the World's biggest celebration of football!"

*Upon this announcement, 120 children, each wearing t-shirts depictingte flags of all the nations that entered start to run all over the rest of the pitch.*

"That's got to cut up the surface for later!"

"Shut up, Fil!"

"One by one, the nations fell by the wayside, until only thirty remained."

"It's all starting to go wrong. What's supposed to happen is that the kids in the shirts of nations that have been eliminated fall to the ground and the remaining ones form a circle around Ali and Tarmey. What seems to be happening is that all the children are going off to natter with their mates. Oh, some of them are falling down now. But not the right ones! Oh dear, the two little girls in the Starblaydi and Nedalian shirts have gone. So has the Krytenian. And there goes the Bazalonian too. It really is a shambles. By the looks of it, the only qualifiers are Bedistan, Fmjphoenix, Marceau State and BENKONATE!"

"It's all gone wrong, hasn't it?"

"Yes. Some of the officials seem to be running on to try and sort them out, but it really isn't happening."

"Ah, this is good! Well, it's entertaining, at least. Although not why it should be."

"I think the officials are getting the right children in the circle, although they don't seem to have realised the kid from Northern Caesarea in there."

"Northern Caesarea qualified, you divvy."

"Oh yes. Sorry."

"Although the BENKONATE boy is still in there. And he's refusing to go."

"Have you seen the size of him? He's bigger than most of the officials! They're probably scared of him!"

"Well, now we have all thirty-two qualifiers together. And BENKONATE, but let's not worry too much about that."

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the president of the WCC, Giovanni Lopez!"

"I don't think Lopez is going to be happy, here. He's got to walk between all the kids who are laid out across the pitch."

"Oh hell!"

"And one of the little boys has just attempted to trip the WCC President up as he makes his way to the podium. Fortunately, Lopez has shrugged him off, and embarrasement averted, there."

"That's a relief, although after all that's gone on today, nothing would really surpirise us."

"Anyway, here's Lopez."

"Ladies, gentlemen and other beings, I hereby declare the Thirtieth World Cup Finals Open!"

*The crowd cheer as fireworks shoot up from behind the stands. However, as the ceremony is taking place in the middle of the afternoon, they don't quite have the same effect.*

"Well, here we are, and we're only an hour or so away from the first game of World Cup 30, Schiavonia against Yafor 2!"

"After the groundstaff repair the pitch from all the little brats running across it."

"Oh, of course, Fil. After that. But for now, it's time for some more important messages."

OOC: results will be posted in the SCORES THREAD within the next three hours, so still time to RP if needed.

OOC: Schia, that was funny as hell :D

IC:

"Somebody get that kid's name!" Giovanni Lopez yelled at the nearest Schiavonian official, who was more than a little shocked at the World Cup Committee President's reaction to a small Rejistanian boy attempting to trip him up. "I'll make sure he never plays professional football for any team this side of Liverpool England! His dreams of football superstardom are over, dammit!"

Most of the onlookers merely looked schocked and blinked a little. All except Simeone Di Bradini, who raised his glass to the room in a silent toast and took a sip.

"Gio," he said to his successor, "chill out."

"That little shit made a fool of me live on world television! I'm a World Cup Winner, dammit, I scored the winning goal in the World Cup twenty-five that won the World Cup for Starblaydia, I-"

"Take life waaaay too seriously." Simeone finished his sentence for him.

"Oh it's alright for you, Mister 'I-beat-a-bunch-of-nobodies at kicking-a-ball-past some-old-Schiavonian' Di Bra-chuffing-dini, you've got three hundred thousand credits in your pocket thanks to those four penalities."

"A million, actually, and that was just for turning up," Simeone said, "but that three-hundred thousand is going to go to some charity or other, I'm sure I'm a patron of something football-related that needs it."

"Oh, how very noble of you," Giovanni sneered, "I'm sure the orphans will be so grateful. When's the Starblaydia match coming on?"

"In a few hours," Simeone replied, "have a drink and forget about that Rejistanian kid."

"That kid! I'll get him for this, that'll be the greatest mistake of his short life, I'll avenge that humiliation, as sure as my name is Giovanni Lopez, President of the World Cup Committee, World Cup Winner and scorer of the winning..."

"Oh, brother." Simeone refilled his glass and tried to tune Gio out. It didn't work, as per usual. Maybe he wouldn't get re-elected as President, though if he did lose Simeone and anyone else within earshot would never hear the end of it. Those friars are quieter, at least.

- Foreign media are saying that we are going to have a ridiculous role in the World Cup. What do youn think about it?

- The only answer to that opinion must be given on the pitch. We have proven, in the Qualification Round, that we are a team difficult to be beaten. I think it will not be so easy for our rivals, and we're not here for holidays: we want the Cup!.

-What do you think about our rivals?

-New Montreal States is a strong team, but it tends to do better in the Qualifications that in the final phase. Ariddia and McPsychoville are two eternal aspirants to do someting great in the World Cup. We are in a hard group, but I think that We have the potential to qualify to second round, whatever our rivals or the foreign press thinks.

- Will you bet on a more defensive tactic on this phase?

-No. As I always say, I believe in offensive football and the 3-4-3 tactic gives us a lot of attacking possibilities and obliges us to dominate the midfield and concentrate on defense. It's a very nasty tactic for our rivals. It's not a gift for them.

- What do you expect from our first participation on WC finals?

- Our first match will be played in the "Stadium of Dreams". To be here is a dream in I hope not to be awaken soon!

- Do you have a list for the first match

-Yes, of course:

12. Salmón

2. Martínez
4. Capdevilla
3. Sergi

19. Gabi
13. Vizcaíno
16. De la Rosa
18. Zeamendi

14. Istúriz
7. Maragall
15. Javi

Called in:

25. Franco
22. Ibañez
8. Álava
10. Esquivel
20. Toledo
23. Salmerón

Minutes after the Opening Ceremony, and Jamie Jaffacake-Phillips, aged nine, ran over to see his brother and their au pair. Father Jerome, of course, had more pressing things to worry about (read: not being castigated by the gaffer for missing training), but Jamie was smiling anyway.

"I was on TV! I was on TV!"

Shaun, Jamie's older brother, looked at him and laughed. "Yeah, you was on TV, falling on your arse! Thought that Sciavone boarding school would have taught you balance!"

Jamie looked sullen for a moment, then beamed. "Took the Starblaydia girl down with me as well though!"

The three of them laughed. Jerome would be so proud...

After the ceremony, Tanri Estenja had to hear hell btreaking lose. At this moment he would have preferred Nenerivakansa taking his soul away to the confrontation with his parents, who both were angry. "mer'Tanri! I can not believe how much shame you put to our nation! if they find out you were Rejistanian... Have you ever thought about that? ANSWER ME!"
Tanri felt very uncomfortable: "It felt like the right thing to do, Keva'tahoj*. And so I did it."
"You don't use your brain for anything but having mer'ideas! You will not leave your house for the next 3 whole years for anything else but school and soccer training! This will teach you always following your current impulses! 3 years from today!"
Tanri decided that being polite and swallowing all he wanted to say was the best thing to do: "I obey, Keva'tahoj"

*OOC: I think about how things would sound like in Rejistania and found no way to describe both the insulting tone of the father and the almost satirical politeness ("Master Father") of Tanri.

IC: At a totally different place:
Jenji Y felt bad about how he lost in the penalty competition, but he knew he had no chance of winning when he heard of the format. coming in late and bringing the game home was how he could succeed, however this competition took so long (and he had less skill in remaining on a skill level) that at the end, he could not anyhow succeed. The fans however did not care too much. The real competition would matter and they did have the chance to see Jenji Y's remarkable penalty kicks once again.

Maria Peterson, was the Bazalonian representative, holding on high the flag of her nation.

"The stuffy people at the stupid Schav... schiv.. those stupid es's. Stupidly said that she could not stupid fall down. Those Stupid-head es's from the stupid soccer association said 'I need to go run around' while all these other... hundreds of kids get to fall down. Falling down is fun. Surely me falling down is not going to matter. Oooo. It's time to go. Run out the tunnel. Ooo I like that flag... Well, time for me to fall down... Ooommmpff. Stupidhead ran into me. Haha, that girl got tripped ov..." *thud*.

"Stupidhead tripped me over.... I'm running to mummy."
and with that she rgot up and ran back into the tunnel and into the WCC Pres, Giovanni Lopez accidentaly hitting him with the Bazalonian flag before Maria found her mother.

[OOC - great opening ceremony - hope you won't mind some IC bitching... Those monks - they're never happy]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA SLAMS OPENING CEREMONY ORGANISERS
Innocent Children Representing Archregimancy 'Not Orthodox'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy today slammed the organisers of the World Cup 30 opening ceremony after revelations that the two children representing the Archregimancy in the ceremony - one a world cup 28 flag-bearer, the other representing the WC30 qualifiers - were the children of heretics or heathens.

"The Archregimancy should only be represented by members of the One True Church" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "While we do not wish to imply these innocent children, led astray by sinful parents, are in any way to blame for this fiasco, the organisers from Schiavonia and the Islands of Qutar should have realised what a grave insult this would cause to the citizens of our Holy Monastic Republic. Just as well they weren't girls too - can you imagine the scandal that would have caused?"

This morning Metropolitan Kyrill of Solvetsky, former national team coach and Archregimancy delegate to the Standing Conference of Canonical Orthodox Bishops in NationStates [SCOBINS], was said to be attempting to defuse the situation by offering to personally baptise the two young boys into Orthodoxy and offer them positions as neophytes within his home monastery. Meanwhile, MFA officials were said to be 'relieved' not to be playing matches at Albatross Stadium after hearing that the Qutar ground had had its capacity increased in an 'unorthodox' manner.

In other opening ceremony-related news, officials from the Holy Empire Football Association [Alasdair I Frosticus] were said to be curious as to whether the organisers had used the nation's World Cup 2 flag or the nation's current post-revived contact flag.

Xu out of penalty competition

Young Xavier Xu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu), chosen to represent his country at the international penalty competition, had reportedly been feeling very nervous at facing such responsability this early in his career, but had seemed confident enough as he faced goalkeeper Edwards. Ariddians everywhere held their breath, waiting for the early confirmation of a predicted football giant.

It was all over in a few seconds. Xu’s shot was magnificent, going straight for the upper corner of the goalcage to Edwards’ left, but the goalkeeper astounded spectators by pulling off what was probably his best save of the entire competition. Xu’s face hinted at some bitterness, but was otherwise calm as he left the field.

“He can still be proud; he couldn’t possibly have done any better,” national coach Evgheny Melenciuc commented soon afterwards. “He’s proved his raw talent is unquestionably there, and he’d never faced a goalie with Edwards’ skill before today. If Edwards could save a shot like that, he might have saved. . . I don’t know, Di Bradini’s first as well. Which I honestly didn’t think was as good as Xavier’s. Anyway,” he added, clearly annoyed, “this whole ‘one strike and you’re out’ business is just ridiculous. He could easily have made it to the next round with slightly different rules.”

“Is outrage!” national team captain Hanifah Kyaw agreed, nodding and parodying the much-loved Vasily the Heavily-Accented of the Archregimancy – a popular catchprase amongst Ariddians ever since the last Olympics. “Xavier did great. And we all hope he’ll be with us on the national team for the next World Cup!”

Meanwhile, the thirtieth edition of the World Cup is underway, after a somewhat chaotic – but memorable – opening ceremony. Ariddia faces McPsychoville in a crucial first match in Dove Memorial Stadium, in the Islands of Qutar. Not having made it past the first round since World Cup 10, the Rouge-et-Noirs will be keen to show how much they have progressed over the past four years.

Jeruselem Government News

We love the 2nd round at the World Cup ...

The World Cup is funny game. It's the only competition where Jeruselem never makes it past the 2nd round. Our favourite Debbie Dallas entered the penalty shootout competition for the World Cup XXX - and got stopped in the 2nd round.

Actually, Jeruselem aren't known for their penalty kicks. We frankly admit the Jeruselem teams aren't good at penalty kicking with the exception the Women's team. Well, Debbie Dallas is a woman and played for the Women's World cup three times. So, in perspective making the 2nd round is good as you'd expect Jeruselem to crash on the first hurdle.

Debbie Dallas aka Dazza Dalla's sister, is probably our best penalty kicker. Oddly, the only person in the current team who could rival her ability is her sister Dazza Dallas. Dazza kinds of stands there and looks dumb, while the keeper is guessing what the hell she will do. This is what Debbie does too. Dazza looks the keeper, smiles and rolls it into the goal while the keeper dives. It's obvious the sisters come from a super-talented family of soccer players. The Dallas father still plays senior soccer.

I hope no one missed the opening ceremony of the World Cup XXX. Come on guys, support the team and have some fun along the way. Simeone Di Bradini of Starblaydia won the shoot-out competition. Yes, Starblaydia won another competition!

OK, remember the HOT Rachel Kool calendar? We've got something hotter, the DAZZA DALLAS DVD. Yes, it's all about Dazza from Women's World Cup 3 to her career until now. For those smitten by our World Cup XXX player and reporter, it's a must. Hey it's got a personal message too. Available now in Jeruselem and Nedalia and from the JGN web site. Yes, it does have the "Dazza sitting around in skimpy bathroom talking rubbish report"

Speaking of people falling over, some kids during the opening ceremony fell over and embarassed themselves. They must learn the "Dazza Dallas" method of falling over - fall over, look bad and but not get hurt.

Rivalry gets best of opening ceremony

During the World Cup 30 opening ceremony in Schiavonia, a scuffle broke out between two children, one each from Bedistan and Liverpool England. Kyle McDonald, who was holding a large Bedistani flag in representation of the nation's hosting of World Cup 8, claimed afterward that the other child, holding an LE flag to represent the winners of that same cup, "just started punching [him] over and over." The other child, whose name has not been released to us, denies this, claiming that McDonald started the fight. No charges have been filed against either participant, but it was "very poor sport", in the words of Bedistan Football Association president and former Liverpool England national team manager Nick Reagan.

Carpenter claims lack of leadership at BFA

With the results of the initial World Cup Committee presidential vote in, Bedistan national football team manager Vanessa Carpenter made known her opinion that a "lack of leadership" at the Bedistan Football Association was to blame for the Bedistani candidate's abysmal performance. Erik Ploten, manager of FC Glückstadt, was the Bedistani candidate, but alas unknown to the world at large.

"Surely we could have found a much more suitable candidate," Carpenter says. "I mean, no offense to him, but nobody knows who he is, and that was definitely shown in the voting. He got fewer votes than the candidate from Quakmybush, for crying out loud! The BFA definitely dropped the ball on this one."

Carpenter is not alone in thinking the results were strange, and many believe bribery and other pressure from the World Cup Committee may have been involved. BFA president Nick Reagan refused to comment on any specifics, but did say, "this is a sad day for our organization."

MD1 for Groups E-H (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11674121#post11674121)

Qutar Sports News Network

The camera pans down onto a newly revamped studio, the lights fade up as the camera focuses onto the panel.

Seth Harrison: Hello there and welcome to the new special World Cup edition of Match of the Day, tonight I'm delighted to have on our panel the man who captained Qutar to their first World Cup in our first qualifying campaign and held the Baptism of Fire trophy aloft above his head it is of course................ Chris Saunders!

Applause

Seth Harrison: Also with me tonight is another legend more well known for his exploits off the pitch than off it, it's Fareham manager Michael Ellis! After taking over from Philip Davies who stepped down to accept the national job. He's kept up the success of the club and many would say strengthened the club.

Slightly less applause

Seth Harrison: And finally all the way from Starblaydia I'm delighted to introduce Markko Rakkinen! World Cup winner eight years ago and has a third place medal in his collection as well. On the club level he's captained Tabeck FC sucessfully by all accounts.

Loud applause

Seth Harrison: Well welcome to the show, we'll be covering all the aspects of the World Cup both on and off the pitch. Well if you haven't seen it yet the draw for the group stages has been made and is as follows:

Group A Group B
Schiavonia Starblaydia
Rejistania Tadjikistan
Total n Utter Insanity Commerce Heights
Yafor 2 Spaam

Group C Group D
Krytenia Casari
Sarzonia Jeruselem
Nedalia Bettia
Becquerelia Quakmybush

Group E Group F
Bedistan Liverpool England
Fmjphoenix Oliverry
The Archregimancy Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Milchama Bazalonia

Group G Group H
New Montreal States The Islands of Qutar
Ariddia Squornshelous
McPsychoville Chicanada
Northern Caesarea Cataduanes

Seth Harrison: Well those are the groups, what do you lot make of this all, and care to give us some predictions?

Markko Rakkinen: Well of course I can see that Starblaydia are going to make it through quite easyly.

Chris Saunders: Well of course you're going to say that, but to be fair you're perfectly right, getting through qualifying without breaking a sweat, and not conceeding many goals at the back either.

Markko Rakkinen: Ok anyway as I was saying, I think you've got a great group draw for yourselves looking like with the home advantage you should qualify with ease and even perhaps trouble Squornshelous. But I reckon that New Montreal States might not make it to the next stage after a very poor qualifying campaign by thier standards.

Michael Ellis: I reckon that Becquerelia will get through to the next round if you look at qualifying they had an outstanding record, and I would suggest putting a little money on them as at the moment the bookies don't seem to be favouring them. But I reckon that New Montreal States after a shaky start should do well this World Cup.

Seth Harrison: We're getting to the end of our slot so could I press you for your final predictions?

Chris Saunders: Schiavonia, Rejistania, Starblaydia, Tadjikistan, Krytenia, Becquerelia, Casari, Jeruselem, Bedistan, Fmjphoenix, Liverpool England, Oliverry, Ariddia, McPsychoville, The Islands of Qutar and Squornshelous to progress to the next round. And Starblaydia to win the thing overall.

Michael Ellis: I'd agree with Chris except for Group G. I think that New Montreal States and Ariddia will qualify. Also I reckon that Bedistan will win it overall.

Markko Rakkinen: I'd have to go for Total n Utter Insanity, Rejistania, Starblaydia, Commerce Heights, Krytenia, Nedalia, Casari, Jeruselem, Bedistan, Fmjphoenix, Liverpool England, Oliverry, Ariddia, McPsychoville, The Islands of Qutar and Squornshelous to get to the next round with of course Starblaydia to win our third title.

Seth Harrison: Well thats all we have time for I'll see you all for our first game against Cataduanes. Goodnight!

The camera pans away from the panel, the lights fade down as the screen goes to the logo.

Matchday One for Groups A-D (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11674278#post11674278)

"Wow, I can't believe it. They actually drew against Liverpool England, I can't believe it." stated Frank Upperton, a wealthy industrialist in Bazalonia who had recently taken interest in the Bazalopes. The team had a decent chance of making it to the world cup and actually made it.

Despite being new to the world of international soccer it didn't take long for him to know that Liverpool England was expected. And the first half of the match the Liverpool England team showed why they where ranked as high as they where.

They scored a goal in the 20th minute, the Liverpool England Terminators where certainly dominating but appart from that 20th minute hick up the Bazalopes Defense managed to hold firm. The Bazalopes where almost kept in their half the entire half and it is almost a surprise that only one goal had been conceeded.

The second half was more of an even affiar. The Bazalopes managed to equalised in the dying seconds of the match, Peter Hobble showing why he was the Bazalonian in the Penalty kck competition. With help from the Midfield and his other fellow strikers managed to lance his way through the Terminator Defense and get the ball into the back of the Liverpool England net.

"Hmmm... Contact the BFSA, See If we can't work out a sponsorship deal for the Bazalopes. I'm surprised no one has tried to do it before. You know what I want out from a sponsorship like this."

"Yes, sir."

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-Moon-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

See! Look what our A team can do

The doubters were silenced (somewhat) after a dominant first half as the Milchama Warriors were welcomed back into the World Cup with a 1-1 draw against Bedistan. This was the Warriors first ever meeting against the Lions in World Cup play and was a successful one by all standards. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We had a dissapointing end to the qualification campaign but I was never worried. This team is still undeafeated in international play. Heck we might have lost one unbeaten streak against Oliverry but we just started a new one today against Bedistan. I'm sure that this one will be just as long as our last one." Now for a summary of the match by Milchama TV 2 "If it's not TV 2 then its probably good TV."

1st minute: Both teams coming out on the pitch now to begin the game. The Warriors look confident like they know exactly who their opposition is and how they can beat them. Lions looking confident as well but that's what you would from the number 2 team in the world. This match will also be interesting for the Parker Law factor, as most of the Warriors team has played against him as a member of FC Doom.

4th minute: They're taking advantage of Law's weakness in defense as Clufor comes in and sweeps the ball past him. Now it looks to be a run as he's past the midfielders and now its on to the defenders. Clufor with a pop ball, this looks like a kick and chase in rugby and as usual the defense gets it as Issah gets the ball clears.

10th minute: The Warriors continuing to be the more threatening of the two sides. Clufor out to Lonnen. Lonnen forward to the winger, Kary. Aaron Kary with a cross GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! 1-0 Milchama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breathless panting* Floren Abentine *breathless panting* rising above the defenders *breathless panting* and giving Milchama the 1-0 lead they needed. Well now we need to at least defend this lead for 80 minutes or try to score more and make it bigger.

25th minute: Marin Keffer on the ball. And he's about to godmod, past one Bedistani midfielder, two, now onto the defense. Beats Crowley one way and does a kick back to beat Endruweit now its him against Issah. The shot! high. Oh dear it looks like this godmod did not end in a goal after a poor shot from Keffer. Milchama are continuing to look dangerous however.

40th minute: Wow! Look at that possesion 58% for Milchama. And it certainly looks like it, Lonnen over to Keffer to Neilson. Neilson looking for a running Aaron Kary and the pass received by Kary, And He's Been Pulled Down! The ref points to the spot, PENALTY! Marin Keffer to take it. He already had one chance foiled by a poor shot but here we go. He fakes left and goes right and ISSAH'S GONE LEFT! BUT THE SHOT IS OFF THE POST! Oh no! Keffer with a golden oppurtunity to give Milchama a 2-0 lead but a poor kick and its still only 1-0.

45th minute: Wow! Milchama dominated every bit of that half and if this can continue into the second half then the Warriors will take the shocking W against Bedistan.

48th minute: Milchama on the attack now. Clufor over to, no wait intercepted by Law. Parker Law going forward as he passes over to Leonard Hollins. Hollins beats Mergle and now its him against Finton shot! SAVE! by Finton but the rebound goes to Salas who shoots SAVED AGAIN! by Finton but he's given up another rebound and Parker Law comes in and shoots! GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLL!! 1-1! Parker Law scoring on the third rebound. So much for that first half. Those missed oppurtunities by Keffer are looming large now.

52nd minute: Nice buildup here from the Lions. The midfielders have really gotten a good pep talk from the coach and have come out in a big way. jackson to Alansa to Law. He takes his time and passes to the wing for Felicity Wilson. She crosses in and Law comes in UNMARKED! the shot! Saved by Finton! and over the bar so no rebound this time.

53rd minute: Corner kick in the box. It's a mad scramble in there and Law has found it. He shoots! Cleared off the line by Stockholm! But right to Felicity Wilson. Shot! SAVED! by Clay Finton. He scrambles and holds onto the ball. Still 1-1, somehow.

71st minute: The game has really quited down now as both sides have not been able to significantly win the the midfield battle. Now Bedistan has broken out through Parker Law. He comes up to Mergle and shoots from 18 it's bending and moving but Finton catches it. No harm there.

90th minute: And there's the whistle! The Milchama Warriors are able to survive and get a shock draw against Bedistan. While the team maybe dissapointed the fans certainly are not as this was definitely more than we could hope for going in. Bedistan definitely dominated the second half and had many oppurtunities, more than we could get in these segments of our broadcasts. At one point it looks like we were lucky but at another it looks like they were lucky. It's all how you look at it. We had the more quality chances but they had more chances.

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Albentine 10)
Bedistan 1 (Law 48)

Raging Penguins Report:
So? they might not be in the world cup but they still are playing in the CoH. And in the CoH they just upset Haraki 2-0. It's looking very good for the team.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Clay Finton for his faboulous play between the posts. He made a total of 15 saves which is just ridicoulous. If it weren't for his faboulous shot stopping then maybe Milchama might not have gotten the draw but instead would have gotten a loss and a bad loss at that. Thank god for our goalie.

TnUI upset pundits.

Proving just about everyone wrong the Insanicians continued their undefeated run with a comfortable 2-0 win over Rejistania. The Rejistanian goalkeeper tried to commit seppuku, but missed twice before he was stopped. Hosts Schiavonia managed a narrow victory over Yafor jr, placing TnUI at the top of the table. A win over Yafor squared on Monday should guarantee a place in the second round.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Group F All Even After 1st Day
1-1 Draws for Everyone!

This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN with all your Sea Dragon World Cup xXx news.

What happens when a top notch attacking squad faces off against a top notch defensive side? That was the question on everyone’s mind as Oliverry brought their high-powered scoring machine to the pitch to test it against the defensive machinations of ASMV. Ninety minutes. That was what would decide the answer the question.

The match started off just as the Sea Dragons had hoped with Micah Swift and Genesis Galluccio making their presences felt early as the stifled the attack everyone knew was coming. In fact the offense that had put up nearly five goals per match during qualification didn’t even get a clean look at keeper Shaun Conarky until the 27th minute. But that look paid off as Oliverry took the 1-0 lead and held it for the remainder of the first half.

The second half was much the same, with the Sea Dragons defense doing everything in its power to shut down Oliverry. And this time it worked. The defensive pressure was too much for Oliverry and gradually things began to move toward the Oliverran (hope that’s right) goal. Evan Evans was instrumental in the change as he made play after play, keeping the ball where ASMV could legitimately have a shot at scoring.

That shot came in the 78th minute when Evans found Porche Alexander open in the box, just barely onside. The shot hit the bar but Pablo Iglesias was there to make sure the opportunity wasn’t squandered. 1-1 would be the final score in this one. So the answer is that the defense proved tougher - just not tough enough to get the win.

Group F has now become a crap shoot. That is because Bazalonia accomplished the unthinkable today. The held the mighty Liverpool England to a 1-1 draw. That means all 4 sides have 1 draw, 1point, 1goal for, and 1 goal against. Whew!. That means the results of Oliverry and ASMV against LE should determine who moves on - provided of course that the Bazalopes already have their upset and will roll over like they are supposed to.

Next up for ASMV are those pesky Bazalopes. This should be an easy win for the Sea Dragons, but I bet anything LE thought the same thing. We need a very solid result in this one. Liverpool England awaits us on MD3 and that could get ugly.

[OOC - This RP is partially designed to cover the fact that I may be without computer access until the 18th as I'm going to be at a conference in Darwin. Lucky me. I'll let you know if I get eaten by a crocodile]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS CRASH TO VIKINGS
Team Takes Vow of Silence

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The God-fearing footballing monks of the Archregimancy were in danger of having their tournament end almost before it began following a poor 2-0 loss to the Vikings of Fmjphoenix overnight. The team's dispiriting surrender to superior opposition bodes ill for the rest of the tournament.

"Most past interactions between vikings and the Orthodox have been positive" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Think of the Byzantine emperor's Varangian Guard, or the early contributions to the foundation of the early medieval Rus states. So we thought we'd at least come away from this one with a draw."

The only positive news for the squad overnight was that Bedistan and Milchama played to a 1-1 draw, meaning that a win over the Hebrews and at least a draw with the world's number 2 ranked team could still send the team through. An imminent bout of soul-strengthening suffering does, however, appear more likely.

In an attempt to boost the team's performance, team coach Fr. Polycarp the Venerable was said to have ordered the entire squad to take a vow of silence, banning them - and anyone associated with the team - from making any further comment on the team's performance unless they at least reach the semi-finals.

On current performances, this is likely to be this correspondent's last report from the Islands of Qutar.

Still Going Strong

Squornshelous keep it going against Chicanada
Chicanada, who many pundits have picked to upstage hosts The Islands of Qutar in moving ahead from Group H, got off to a fairly unauspicious start to their group stage against the Pschychoes. It just goes to show that mere bears, kodiaks though they may be, are no match for loonies too crazed to even spell correctly. While the scorline stayed close, it was Squornshelous who dominated most of the match, and but for a brief lapse coming out after halftime, they probably would have held on for the shutout. Iannis Xenakis was the man of the match, scoring both Squornshelan goals, and firing several other good shots on and near the goal, moving around the Chicanadian defense with ease. Vasili Petrov was unusually quiet, probably because his very strong performance in qualifying attracted quite a bit of attention from opposing defenses. A defender marked Vasili for the entire match, which meant that there was often an extra defender on the right half of the field where Vasili and brother Oleg customarily work their magic. Instead, it was Goran Syvatov and Igor Khabarov on the other side of the field stepping up with the strong passing attack, feeding the ball to Xenakis in the middle. When interviewed after the match, manager Marko Antropov said, "It's such a luxury to have such a deep field of strikers, where they can mark our go to guy and someone else can step up and make something happen." Indeed, Squornshelous has probably never had a striker corps this talented, with Petrov, Xenakis and Khabarov starting, and the experienced Israel Kamaka playing from the bench. The lone Chicanadian goal came in the 47th minute. Squornshelous came out a bit flat-footed in the second half, and allowed Michael Klobee a bit too much space near the top of the box. He fired for the corner and made us pay.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-1 Chicanada

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza's Yap Up at the World Cup XXX

Summary - World Champs lose, Bettia grab point from Jeruselem

He ho, this is Dazza again. Yeah, I know some of you missed THE FOOTBALL LIFE again because of various reasons. Some of you guys probably don't have a TV.

Now, Jeruselem played Nedalia's buddies Bettia. A win here was Jeruselem's plan and probably Bettia's too. In the end, both teams could grab the 3 golden points going home with 1 point. Bettia had the better of the first half scoring their only goal for the game. Jeruselem responded in the 2nd half with a reply and tried to storm the Bettian defense.

Gwarthen Rhydderch for the Bettians gave them the dream start with a really smart shot on goal in the 30th minute, leaving the Jeruselem defense scratching their heads. The 18th seed had a really important goal but Jeruselem aren't a team to sit and Karelanize around when things go bad. Bettia love to attack so Jeruselem fixed up the back and tagged all the Bettian players to frustate them. Bettian's don't like defending much and Crusaders went forward when the Bettians over-committed in attack.

Anna Goldstein and moi belted down the field in one such instance and it looked like the Bettian's tried the old off-side trap to stop them due to lack of numbers. I decoyed drawing some defenders and Anna Goldstein took advantage skipping past some of the slower players and scoring the equalizer. After that, Bettia decided to lock up the defense and Jeruselem stormed the walls of the Bettia defense with no success.

So the 13th seed and 18 seed could not land a killer blow in an even game. It was fair and clean game but in the end both teams got something but not the Holy Grail of 3 points. It didn't help both teams that much.

We could have played better today but Bettia are a goal scoring team. We have to defend a fair bit to make sure they don't get through. Yes, the defense is suspect but who needs to defend if you can score more goals.

Quakmybush, the 46th seed was expected to lose to the World Champs Casari. Didn't happen that way - Casari LOST. Yes, Casari got nothing and underdogs Quakmybush took all the points. So Group A is Quakmybush as the shock leader with Bettia and Jeruselem on the same points (1). Casari is dead last and haven't played the top 20 seeds yet. Casari could just win it's next two game and if Quakmybush wins another, Jeruselem and Bettia go home.

For Jeruselem, beating either Casari or Quakmybush is essential now. From the looks of it, Casari are ones looking shaky and Quakmybush look dangerous.

The Lions (no not Bedistan, Nedalia!) drew with Sarzonia 1 ALL just like Bettia and Jeruselem did. For the Lions we think it is an excellent result because Sarzonia are not any old World Cup team. Actually we think the Lions could have won but 1 point is better than nothing.

Hey guys, buy the DAZZA DALLAS DVD to add to your Rachel Kool calendar. The DVD is better guys, it's interactive - tells you lots of useless information about myself and some nice pictures. Some are little risque but I'm Dazza Dallas not the Virgin Mary. Just buy it, it's good for you.

Ooi, there's a little penalty shootout game on the DVD. Now, why is it there? Because if you get perfect result, you get some goodies. It's worth it.

Someone asked me if I've done anything stupid. Hey look, I'm still a teenager! Of course I do stupid things like getting drunk at parties and waking up at someone else's place. I try to not do that kind of thing these days. There's probably some videos of me out these somewhere but that's life.

So, we got 1 point. All we need is a win and another draw or win. Don't miss the next game or I'll send around pink elephants to ruin your sleep. Sweet dreams.

http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/4975/dazzawc3ck8.th.png (http://img213.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dazzawc3ck8.png)

Group C
Sarzonia 1 - 1 Nedalia

Group D
Casari 0 - 1 Quakmybush
Jeruselem 1 - 1 Bettia

First hurdle is “crucial match”

It was, in the words of Ariddian coach Evgheny Melenciuc, “possibly [the team’s] most crucial match”, and a definite must-win before encounters with (much lower ranked) Northern Caesarea and (higher ranked) New Montreal States. Statistically, as the sixteenth best team in the world on paper, the Rouge-et-Noirs should be able to squeeze through to the next round, but Ariddians aren’t taking anything for granted.

Ariddia took on McPsychoville, an encounter the latter no doubt also deemed vital to win. Ariddian supporters cheered as Nam Hyok-Jun snapped off a shot right from the seventh minute, but it skimmed past the goalcage – a narrow miss. Eleven minutes later, a McPsychoville midfielder broke through the Rouge-et-Noirs’ defences, and Eot Ja only just managed to snatch the ball away on a tackle, fellow defender Thérèse Chantier deflecting it over the horizontal bar.

The first goal came when, in the thirtieth minute, Michelle Dru outran two defenders and kicked a powerful shot past the McPsychoville keeper. There the score remained for the remainder of the first half, a precarious lead for the Ariddians, with McPsychoville beginning to take greater risks to level the score.

The Rouge-et-Noirs made the most of their opponents now playing a less defensive style. Close to the McPsychoville goalcage, Nam passed the ball back to Hanifah Kyaw, who kicked it between two defenders and into the net. 2-0. By the seventy-seventh minute it was 3-0, as Nam scored a goal of his own, and Ariddian supporters finally began to relax. Surely McPsychoville were not going to score three goals in quarter of an hour?

They didn’t. Ariddia conceded just one in the closing minutes, and completed the “crucial match” with a precious three points.

Also in Group G, New Montreal States dominated its encounter with Northern Caesarea, as expected. Their 4-1 victory puts them in first place so far in the group, one goal ahead of Ariddia in goal differential.

Group F saw Liverpool England, Bazalonia, Oliverry and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega all score a single point each, effectively meaning that the group rankings will now be decided in two games instead of three. The major surprise was no doubt Quakmybush’s 1-0 victory over Casari in Group D, putting the latter in a very tricky position for the rest of the competition. As successful underdogs, Quakmybush no doubt have a fair amount of supporters wishing them well.

Meanwhile, the latest episode in Ariddian children’s television series The Snurfs ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Les_Schloumpf) saw the snurfs playing what looked like a football match within the forest village – to the delight of self-confessed snurf fan Hanifah Kyaw.

“I wasn’t able to watch the episode, but I taped it,” the Rouge-et-Noirs captain admitted. “Now I wonder which side of the snurf village won? What?” she added with a laugh. “What’s wrong with watching a kid’s programme if you’re young at heart?”

"Good morning, and welcome to World Cup Today, the most unimaginatively named show on BSTV. We're coming to you live from Cëre in the Islands of Qutar, here at the Stadium of Light where Bedistan and Milchama played to a 1-1 draw yesterday evening."

"That we are, Jonas, and we have a special guest on the show today to talk about that match - none other than team manager Vanessa Carpenter. Welcome to the show, Vanessa."

"Thanks. I'd say 'it's good to be here, Maria', but that's such an overused cliché, so I'll spare you."

"Heh, fair enough. So, one point from the Lions' first ever meeting with Milchama. How do you feel the game went?"

"Well, I'll be honest with you, Maria, it could have been significantly better. I'm really not quite sure what was going on in the first half, but it wasn't Bedistani football, that's for damn sure. If it weren't for that Keffer guy missing a shot every time he made it into our half, we could be seeing ourselves at the bottom of the table right now."

"The team's performance did improve greatly in the second half, though."

"That it did, Jonas - I guess you could say I have the 'magic touch'."

"What was your strategy in the locker room at halftime?"

"I've found that threats of murder usually do the trick."

The studio goes silent for several seconds.

"Well, on that note, it's time for a commercial break. When we return, we'll have a look ahead to the much-anticipated match against Fmjphoenix. Don't go away."

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

And Now, Chaos
Chicanada 0-2-2 in Openers, Must Win Against Already Winner

Eastentown - So we were kidding on how we always tie. Since in our second World Cup Final appearance, we lost 2-1 to Sarzonia and THEN tied Audioslavia (who beat Sarzonia).

So, following this trend, we'll be stuck with 1 point for yet another final and Malli will be running the hell away.

Chicanada, which apparently some in the internatiuonal press think are STILL the Kodiaks although we have been the Orange Stars for two who successful cups, got a goal from Michael Klobee in the 47th but Yerevan Malli's emphasis on the right side made the defense supseptible, the marginal diamond collapse and let Squornshelous score an easier-than-the-score-says 2-1 victory.

Coach Malli, who is linked with a move to Star Point after the cup, did not speak to the press but the CFA did, noting there is an offer on the table for the biggest winning coach in National history to stay on board for another three cup runs. But many privately say that Malli will only return if the OSers make the Knockouts in their fourth attempt, and his decision to not speak to the press is a sign he's prepared to accept the Strike's offer and bolt to the Midlands.

Klobee said the team was disapointed to not get a point in the match, and it puts more pressure on the side going into their second match against Cataduanes, who scored a rather easy 2-1 victory of their own over the host nation Islands of Qutar, who looked more like a bottom dweller than the Stars did in their own match. A win or tie will keep the national side hypothetically within a shot since Cataduanes do get the top side last while we score the hosts, but a win makes things a little easier for us to make the Knockouts, working on the assumption Squornshelous eliminates the hosts in match 2.

But 0-2-2 still grates the nerves of the nation. A quick turnaround is needed or the team will be done for yet again.

tshd:NEWS goes all Liamist!

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BECQUER
Four-nil thumping raises Aces

QUAK TO REALITY
Champs beaten in shocker

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT WONDERFUL DUFF
Midfield ace: "We can go all the way!"

THREE-STAR PERFORMANCE
Spaam sliced apart by Men In Mauve

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamsportsweekly.jpg

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamvsstarblaydia.jpg

Simeone Di Bradini had his second win over Crewenna Roskelly is as many days, when the Waffles took on the Blades last night at Sedgefield Park in Schiavonia. Almost twenty thousand Spaamanian fans were packing the stadium, waving the orange, black, and white of the Spaam flag, but there were almost as many Starblaydi fans there, decked out in their purple, black, and white regalia. Fans were pouring in as two teams of Schiavonian children, one decked in orange and the other in purple, played a demonstration game of under-8 football for the crowd. Perhaps as a sign of things to come, the kids in purple won by ten goals to nil. There were chants of "Tehta! Tehta!", "you're a winner, our Crewenna!", and "purple is for pansies!" coming from the Spaamanian side of the stadium as the ever-growing crowd waited for the two teams to take the field.

The world's number one ranked team took the field first, amid the cheers of the Starblaydi fans, and the boos of the Spaamanians, who had not forgotten the record 5:0 defeat they had suffered over a decade ago in qualifying. They were led on by Durum Rage, the dwarf captain, who glared up at the stands when a particularly loud voice yelled out "get the children off, the game's about to start!". Not long after, the underdogs of the game, but still one of the most successful ever teams in history, ran onto the field to a defeaning ruckus. The Waffles were led out by Crewenna Roskelly, a veteran of four qualifying campaigns and now three World Cups, the most experienced Spaamanian player in over fifty years, and perhaps the best midfielder Spaam had seen since the great Lehua Hoopai. There were even talks that she would be the next player to be inducted into the Spaamanian Football Hall of Fame.

The crowd quietened down as the two captains took the middle of the crowd, with Rejistanian referee Tenekeremala Nedesalatekemirivenateri between them for the coin toss. Rage called heads, won, and chose to run to the North. Nedesalatekemirivenateri blew the whistle, and the game was on. It was a slow affair at first with both teams carefully holding the ball, and quickly moving back to defense whenever there was a handover. The two coaches, Jaime Oberlander for the Blades, and Tamsyn Pengelley for the Waffles, were in their respective boxes, so far calm in the face of the action on the field. Sometime in the fifteenth minute, there was the usual cheer as Roskelly took the ball in the Starblaydi half, and then a bigger one when she sent a long pass forward and to the left, straight to a charging Tehta Trevelyan. The Spaamanian top scorer wasted no time in shooting, and it was spot on, but it was saved by Starblaydi number one Paola Mendez, with a brilliant dive.

That first real shot of the match turned the tide, and both sides started attacking the ball more. What started off as a dead-even match started to favour the Starblaydis slightly as they made four of the next five shots on goal, the lone Spaamanian one again coming from Trevelyan. Both coaches could be seen standing, talking into their microphones as the crowd witnessed a great game of football. Despite the increase in intensity, though, both defences stood strong. The closest anyone came to goal was around ten minutes before the break, when Starblaydi striker Jacqueline Maitland (who Starblaydis claim is the greatest striker in the world today, despite Tehta Trevelyan having a better record) launched the ball into the top left corner. Waffles keeper Feoca Arthur was lucky to get a finger on it, which was enough to deflect it to the post, and yet another save.

Fans were anticipating a scoreless half with just two minutes to go, when Starblaydi striker Johan Keifner had the ball in the square, and Spaamanian defender Massen Gurvey went to tackle him. Spectators thought Keifner merely jumped over Gurvey and then fell to the ground for some reason, but the referee Nedesalatekemirivenateri ruled that Gurvey had tripped him and produced the yellow card. The Spaamanian crowd was furious as Keifner was awarded a penalty kick, yelling out "slani! slani!" Keifner lined up, and fooled Arthur completely, who dived the wrong way. The Spaamanians were furious as Starblaydia took the lead just before the whistle, one goal to nil, on what could've been a flop by the star forward.

[ooc: Starblaydia can RP the second half]
STARBLAYDIA 3:0 SPAAM

World Cup Round-up

In the other Group B game, qualifying rivals Tajikistan and Commerce Heights met again at Stonyshore, near Welkay. A first half goal by Capitalizt striker Παναγιώτης Παπαχαραλαμπους was not enough, with Tigers forward Tulberdiev's two goals winning the match for the number fourteen seed. The result was good news for the Waffles, as they face the Capitalizts next week, and need to win to have any chance of making it past the group stage. Next week will probably also see Starblaydia walk over Tadjikistan, with the world number ones overwhelming favourites.
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Tadjikistan 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Commerce Heights 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Spaam 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0

In other results, Total n Utter Insanity stayed unbeaten this year, with a surprise victory over world number sixes and four time world champions Rejistania. Dark horses Quakmybush showed that they are the real deal, and last years world champions Casari showed that they aren't, when they defeated the world's third best team, one nil. Milchama managed to hold the world's second best team, and three times world champions, Bedistan to a one all draw, thanks to a tenth minute goal by Aaron Kary. Bazalonia continued the top seed's woes when they kept the number five seeds and two time world champions Liverpool England to another one all draw, thanks to a Peter Hobble goal. Oliverry also drew with ASMV one all, meaning that Group F is all tied up, a rare occurence in the World Cup.

Suicide Concerns For Jeri Kis

Rejistani keeper Jeri Kis is under doubt for the rest of the World Cup, after he reportedly twice tried to commit suicide after their shock loss to Total n Utter Insanity. Kis, who is a devout Karelan, was apparently so upset after his poor performance in the net, that he tried to commit seppuku with a broken goalpost in his hotel room. Luckily he missed, twice, but rumour has it that he is being kept under twenty-four hour watch in the Rejistani World Cup camp. Coach Eric Frankton, however, denies these claims. "Jeri was upset after the loss, true, but he never tried to kill himself. That is totally un-Karelan!" However a maid in the hotel claims differently. "Yeah I sees him, with the white stick, trying to stab himself. He obviously needs glasses cos he missed twice though."

Legend Roskelly Second Best

In front of tens of thousands of football fans, Crewenna Roskelly matched it goal by goal with Starblaydi great Simeone Di Bradini, as the other competitors were eliminated. The legends penalty competition saw the best past and present greats in the world compete in a much publicised World Cup event. Roskelly was the only female left after three rounds, with just five greats managing to score nine times in a row. The final shootout took place at the opening ceremony of the World Cup in Schiavonia. After three attempts, it was only Roskelly and Bradini left, to the delight of both Spaamanian and Starblaydi fans, who would be meeting the following night. Bradini got his fourth attempt in, but Roskelly's was tipped onto the post by keeper Ben Kershaw, giving Bradini the win. However, second best was good enough, for what is probably one of Spaam's greatest ever players.

Next Week

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamvscommerceheights.jpg

An emphatic statement, possibly

Paladins make what you could call "a little noise" in the Islands of Qutar

THE ISLANDS OF QUTAR - As the world wrote off the Paladins heading into the group stage of World Cup XXX, the team acquired a newfound "us against the majority of the universe" mentality that lit a fire under them heading into their first match against Northern Caesarea. Certainly, the uncertain, slipshod play that was the hallmark of the qualification campaign seemed to have been put behind as the States romped to a 4-1 victory.

Gilles Villeneuve re-emerged from whatever rock he had been hiding under during qualifiers, spearheading the attack with a pair of first-half goals before getting yanked in favor of André Darcy midway through the second half.

"I'm just trying to rest up everyone," said head coach Armand St-Gilbert, who also removed Paul Chasson and four of the six starting midfielders after Charles Pilon put the Paladins up 4-0 as the clock hit the hour mark. Jacques Toussaint had the other goal as the first half wound down. The midfield duo that has been the backbone of the Paladins since the first Draggonni Inviyyattii have announced that they will be retiring after the World Cup is over.

"We're getting damn old," said Pilon at their joint press conference before the match. "We're going to give this our all, and then retire with nothing left. Except a sizeable fortune, large houses, and beautiful families."

In the meanwhile, we need to step it up going into our matches against prohibitive favorites Ariddia and McPsychoville. Hopefully, the 7th-ranked nation in the world can scrape through somehow.

Tv Reporter:The Quakmybush Sharks started their World Cup 30 Group Stage play yesterday with a shocking 1-0 win over World number 3 seed and, last World Cup champions Casari. The teams played very evenily in the first half with a 54 to 46 possession to Casari. Then in the second half the game was very back and forth, and finally in the 76th minute the Sharks scored *goes to clip* "Fields comes down the left side, he passes of the Sorley, and back to Fields and a shot..... ET LA BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Sharks have a one to nil lead." The Sharks managed to hold on for the one-nil win and now sit atop their qualifying group which shocks many people. For QSN im Harry Horton.

Spaam Vs Starblaydia

also known, man, as

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/worldcup/spaamvsstarblaydia.jpg

like, totally groovy

Proceedings in the World Cup took a funky turn today as the Spaam Sports Weekly gave itself a much-needed re-vamp. Handing out cool-looking sunglasses, tie-dye shirts, afro wigs and medallions in the respective national team colours of the two nations has surely raised their international profile here in Schiavonia, never mind in Starblaydia.

Though the first half of Spaam versus Starblaydia was notable only really for the disputed penalty when Massen Gurvey felled JK the Giant, Johan Keifner, in the box. Though Keifner is a big strong boy, that massive frame of his does come crashing down on the ground more often than is strictly necessary. On this occasion the meeting of Keifner's backside with the grass produced a penalty kick from the referee, which Keifner duly dispatched with aplomb, sending Feoca Arthur falling helplessly the wrong way.

The second half produced a further two goals, both for the Starblaydi cause, the first coming after a break by Tabitha Di Bradini. laying the ball down the line for Prizzoni to burst onto, the Vecchio midfielder whipped in a bullet of a cross that not even Keifner could get a firm header on. His touch glanced the ball out wide to Marissa Cortez, who cut inside Kea Chenhalls and hit a stinging half-volley that flew past Arthur and rippled the net to the joys of watching Starblaydis everywhere. Jenifer Uren, however, came close to pulling one back for Spaam but her piledriver of a shot - after good work from, you guessed it, Roskelly - scraped just wide, though it had truly beaten the gloved hand of Mendez on its way flashing past the goal.

Finally Rajko Dakic, the brilliant young winger playing for Internashionale, showed his trademark skills as he breezed seemingly unhindered past a succession of Spaamanian challenges. Pinch, Tonkin and Gurvey all managed to get nowhere near Dakic as his mazy run dazzled all watching. A snapshot once he got to the six yard box was thought by all to be going straight in but, somehow, Feoca Arthur impersonated Stretch Armstrong and scooped the ball away from his goal-line. This ended up in the path of the onrushing Jackie Maitland, but instead of trying to go through Meraud Perrin she simply side footed it back to Dakic who slammed the ball into the back of the net.

Three-nil Starblaydia, three points for Starblaydia and perhaps a third title for Starblaydia to come in Schiavonia.

Final Score from Sedgefield Park:
Spaam 0 - 3 Starblaydia
(None) - (Keifner 44, Cortez 62, Dakic 81)

12. Salmón * => 25. Franco (m.79)

2. Martínez 0
4. Capdevilla *
3. Sergi ****

19. Gabi *
13. Vizcaíno ****
16. De la Rosa ***
18. Zeamendi **** => 10. Esquivel (m.87)

14. Istúriz **
7. Maragall **
15. Javi **** => 20. Toledo (m.77)
--------------------------------------------------------
11. Paul Chasson ****

2. Laurier **
51. Broughton ***

6. Pilon 0
7. Labranche ****
8. Hunyadi **
39. Tessier ****
40. Toussaint **
87. Plattsburgh *****

1. Villeneuve ***
69. Corcoran ***



The crack
Plattsburg
Stopped all the tricolores midfield game and started striking attacks which finished in the two first goals. Could we give him Northern Caesarea citizenship?

The dandy
Chasson
A rock for Northern Caesarea shots. Stopped even impossible ones. Always spectacular

Not his day
St-Gilbert
The NMS head coach made an illegal change during the match (4 changes instead of the maximun 3). NCFL is considering to make a reclamation to the WC Organizing Comitee.

The tough guy
Martínez
Used unnecesary violence when he was awaken.

Sofia-Tricolores players and technical staff had learned that they are still far of being a first-class team in the World Cup. The NMS strategy, founded on putting players in the midfield to strangle the rivals circulation and create attacking opportunities worked well against our 3-4-3 tactic. And if we add that our attackers, defenders and goalkeeper were not in their lucky day, the disaster is served. Only the midfield made a great match, but it was overwhelmed by 6 players who were better in quality and motivation.
Quitting the pitch at the half of the match with a 2-0 against, receiving two other goals before minute 60 and score a solitary goal in the injury time is not an appaling record for our WC debut.

Bazalonian players repeatedly jeered
The Liverpool England-Bazalonia World Cup match was marred by every single Bazalonian touch being heavily booed by Liverpool England fans. Still unhappy at the way the Bazalonian Football Association conducted themselves, the fans took their anger out on the players. The Liverpool England management were also ordered to play a second-string team against Bazalonia in further protest, having done the same during qualifying against Spaamanian Plijous, played on neutral ground in Bazalonia.

The team still managed to eke out a 1-1 draw, and are currently tied for first in the group - all four teams drew 1-1.

In a seperate incident, three players of the squad were detained by local police shortly after the match. It is alleged that they had made inappropriate comments to some Bazalonian fans; however, no action was taken. The three players have reportedly been talked to by manager Thomas Lunson, who has reportedly voiced his discontent at being forced by the FALE to select a team against his will.

The FALE will undergo a change in chairmanship later this season when Syku Lyku steps down, having been in charge since World Cup 22.

A Transcript of a Baz-FM Interview with James Gaines, President of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations

Interviewer: "I am glad to have in the studio with me, a Mister James Gaines, President of the BFSA, Welcome to the Studio, James."

James Gaines: "Glad to be here."

Interviewer: "Our first world cup match, A one all draw with Liverpool England. What is your take on it?"

James Gaines: "Well, the Bazalopes certainly did prove themselves against the Liverpool England squad, In my opinion even if it was a second-rate side."

Interviewer: "That leads onto my next question, With FALE sending what is effectively a 'B' team and the jeers of Liverpool England supporters was the decision to dump a potential bid with FALE a good one?"

James Gaines: "We had that option of a FALE co-bid, I'm not going to go into the details now and then we received an invititation by the Turorian FA, FAT. We had to choose between the two. Nothing concrete had been been decided and agreed upon by BFSA and FALE so as far as we where concerned we are still free to go with either option. And in the end it was a matter of logistics, Turori and us are in the same region, it is much easier co-ordinating a World cup within a region than it is without. And so we decided to go with the Turorian option over the Liverpool England option.

Interviewer: "Is this still the right decision knowing FALE's and Liverpool England fans reaction?"

James Gaines: "If you mean the B-team and the jeers at the Bazalonian players. Well, personally I don't understand why they went with the B-Squad. If I was upset with a nation I'd hit them where it hurts, on the soccer field make them bleed with 5-1 or such-like losses, not attempt to play silly buggers and put on a B-Squad. But that was the decision of FALE and it has nothing to do with me as the president, whatever point they where trying to make I think it acheived the opposite effect than it intended.

Interviewer: "And what about the Liverpool England fans booing everytime the Bazalopes touched the ball?"

James Gaines: "I have two words for those fans, grow up. The decision was a BFSA decision it had nothing to do with the players, they where not involved at any point of the decision making and jeering at them is totally unwarrented behaviour. I, through the BFSA of course, would prefer recieving messages about what Liverpool England fans think that having the players subjected to anything. They did not do anything and should not be subjected to things such as that."

Interviewer: "We'll now open the boards up for questions from around Bazalonia....."

Interviewer: "We also have reports of three players being arrested after unsavourry comments to Bazalonian fans. What do you have to say to those players?"

James Gaines:" Well, what can I say? Is it unsportsman-like? Yes. Is it appalling yes? What can I do? Bloody nothing. All I can do is beg that the people of Liverpool England find a better way to channel their frustration. Will they listen to me? Probably not."

Interviewer: "Okay, before we said we'd be opening up the lines for people to ask questions of James Gaines, those lines are stil open and if you call us on ...... you may still be able to get your question answered. We'll now switch to our first caller, Janelle from Wollera. Janelle?"......

Total n Utter insanity never had any skill whatsoever. They lost 1:5 to Lanky Dude and it was in their best time. The insanicans however compensate by their lack of anything even barely resembling skill by luck - by dumb luck. So Jeri Kis had to get the ball out of the net, after a dove directed it into the goal and after a sudden and really harsh gust of wind transported the ball over the entire pitch. Also, all different sorts of freak accidents happened when the Orange-Blues tries to score against the Insanicans. In the end, Total n Utter Insanity won totally undeservedly 2:0. Jeri Kis was desperate. He did not want to live anymore. He decided to kill himself in order not to cope with this loss. His first attempts were with a makeshift tekava, however, the tekava seemed to miss him with utmost accuracy. it appeared that the tekava seemed to morph so it missed him, however when he looked at it from a different angle, it seemeed to be perfectly straight and he seemed to be morphed. After two attempts, he gave up and chose something differently: he opened the window,. climbed through it, closed his eyes and jumped. He realized that he heard weird music. Then he realized, he was still alive. He opened his eyes. the room he was in was mostly dark with the exception of a computer screen and a lamp, which was a long orange column, the room was pretty chaotic and it smelled like ramen and pizza and not opening the windows for days. Looking around, he saw a person furiously typing into the computer, he only saw his or her outline and she did not seem to notice him. two chairs and a desk were full of stuff, he could not really determine. clothes are among them and books in this weird ambiguous latin alphabet. "Hello Jeri", the person suddenly said (in rejistanian however) without looking away from the screen. Jeri seemed to remember the voice from somewhere, but could not recall where from. "Or should I say Siki?"

Jeri rememberred suddenly. He did already see her, he was Siki Rej, she gave him a new chance. "Why?" Jeri/Siki asked.

The person turned away from the PC and towards him. "I did not want my favorite character to die. Not due to silly insanicans."

"But my life makes no sense, I am a karelan and conceding these dumb goals... This means seppuku!"

"Jeri...it's TnUI, they are far too successful for their own good. You know, luck is on the side of the dumb ones."

"I know that... However it hurts..."

"Jeri... life will go on...you will get over it, no one in Rejistania holds you solely responsible for the loss. They could have scored thrice, right?"

"yes... but it would be unkarelan!"

"Well, the karelan government has lost its power... mainly because the scorinators in the world cups were too unkarelan."

"You are an Excelite?"

"Is Relekhakansa a inikresaist?"

"But... I thought the Karelan religion was true..."

"The Excelites have a slightly better view of the immediate reality, but the inikresaist Gods, I believe they are guarding the excelite players! But please keep quiet about that, okay?"

"okay!"

"And now that you remember that you were Siki Rej, you must admit that you have survived other forms of humiliation already and it shouldn't really matter, su?"

"You are right... where would Rejistania have been if Siki Rej... if I did not work constantly on the Hexatux?"

"not qualified several times! I guess!"

"Well, then do me the favor and not do something bad! I hate it to godmod things like change the spacetime or open a gate to this world!"

"Yes..."

"Good luck!"

Jeri wanted to say "thanks" but he realized that he fell and then landed on the street. He was not injured, only horribly confused until after a few seconds, everything fell into place.

The NCFL will ask the World Cup Comitee to revoke the match and consider that Northern Caesarea has won it 3-0.

Azaña-The NCFL Governing Board has approved, by unanimity, to sue New Montreal States for their illegal changes in the match Northern Caesarea played against that nation on the first matchday of WC30 finals. Paladins coach, St. Gilbert, replaced 4 players in the pìtch, when the maximum is 3. The referee didn't protest nor did the players or technical staff of the Tricolores, who were too depressed after receiving 4 goals.

"There are only a word to define that attitude: ¡cheat!", declared NCFL president and Culture minister Pedro Chacón. "World football cannot tolerate this behaviour in its top competition".

12. Salmón

2. Martínez
21. Perea
3. Sergi

8. Álava
13. Vizcaíno
16. De la Rosa
18. Zeamendi

20. Toledo
7. Maragall
15. Javi

Called in:

25. Franco
4. Capdevilla
6. Llano
10. Esquivel
14. Istúriz
23. Salmerón

Ministry of Morale to throw St-Gilbert to wolves

Disputed substitutions might lead to firing

NEW MONTREAL - After Northern Caesarea announced the filing of a complaint that demanded the invalidation of the 4-1 shellacking of the their side at the hands of the Paladins on the grounds of illegal substitutions in the second half, the Ministry of Morale seems poised to offer head coach Armand St-Gilbert as a sacrifice, announcing that they would propose a temporary ban and a fine as a compromise punishment for the illegal substitution, noting that the referees did not take any action against St-Gilbert or the team at the time, despite being informed of the replacements at the time they were made. It might be worth noting that St-Gilbert is actually a baseball coach by trade, who took the job when nobody else would.

"In light of the failure of the referees to take action at the time, despite being plainly and clearly informed of the substitutions by both St-Gilbert and the players being sent in, a forfeiture of the match would be uncalled for. We are looking to come to some kind of agreement with the WCC on this matter," said spokesman Norman Bute.

Coach St-Gilbert, meanwhile, has accused Northern Caesarea of "trying to steal via a technicality that which they had no hope in hell of earning on the pitch" and announced that he would fight any sanctions imposed on him or his team "until hell froze over."

One More Win, and In

The Quakmybush Sharks are enjoying their off day for the World Cup today. The team was looking at the standings and realised with a victory over either their next opponents Bettia or their final opponents Jeruselem would advance them to the Round of 16. We interviewed player/coach Greg Hughes and this is what he had to say. "We have a really big chance here, we have already defeated the World #3, so we can contend with the World's #18, and #13. We just have to go out there and play as best as we can. Jon Fields has been playing amazingly for us, and if he can keep his good work up, you never know what could happen." The team will take on World #18 Bettia, who are coming off a 1-1 draw with Jeruselem.

Group D Table

Team GP W D L PTS GF GA GD
Quakmybush(35) 1 1 0 0 3 1 0 1
Jeruselem(13) 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 0
Bettia(18) 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 0
Casari(3) 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 -1

Schedule
Casari W 1-0
Bettia
Jeruselem

Goal Scorers
Jon Fields - 1

RP Cutoff for Matchday 2 (Groups A-D)

Scores Matchday 2 (Groups A-D) here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11683032#post11683032)

Sorry for the delay, stupid computer

Qutar Sports News Network

The camera pans down onto a newly revamped studio, the lights fade up as the camera focuses onto the panel.

Seth Harrison: Hello there and welcome again to this World Cup edition of Match of the Day. Tonight as ever we have Chris Saunders, Michael Ellis and Markko Rakkinen. Tonight is our first match in the World Cup, we're up against bottomed seeded Cataduanes. Last time we met up against these foes we beat them in a vital game four goals to one. But an impressive qualifying campaign in a very tight group has shown us that the Cataduanes this time around has vastly improved and should be taken as a real threat. Well it looks like the game is about to get underway so we'll take you live to the Albatross Stadium in Newport were as expected we have a capacity crowd, our commentator tonight is our much loved Geriant Jones.

Screen goes to a live feed of the match

Geriant Jones: Well thanks for the introduction Seth, and Scott Walsh should be at home tonight if he's used tonight as you all know this is his home stadium and the first Newport FC player to play for his country. Well the teams have come out interestingly tonight no mascots after the, shall we say hiccup at the opening ceremony, no wait! Some kid is running onto the pitch security are chasing after him, as he dashes towards Ali, who he hides behind and yes Ali has picked him up and put him on his shoulders. After some words with the security men it seems Ali has persuaded them to let the boy stay. Well the anthems have been sung, all kids are off the pitch and its time to start the football! Its our boys in blue to start the game off, wow its simply deafening in the stadium tonight. They seem to have made a confident start stringing passes together comfortably, hang on Zamboanga has dispossessed Wildgoose he's pacing towards goal, he lays it off to Sacario who is being closed down fast by Lemkes, as Sacario slips the ball to Arambari who has a blast at goal, but it goes wide. A bright start by Cataduanes here, the Qutari defence is going to have to be on its toes. Stone starts the game on again as he hoofs the ball far up the pitch, Ali collects the ball on his chest and turns past Souletano, and heads up the pitch towards goal, Echevarria is closing down for the tackle, oh my lord! He's completly mis-timed the tackle, Ali seems to be in real agony out there as the medics run out onto the pitch, Echevarria is by Ali seeing of he's alright, he obviously didn't mean that to happen, lets have a look at the replay. Oh! That looks really bad, Ali's foot was in the ground as the tackle went in and the leg looks like its bending, oh I can't watch. The crowd is in a stunned silence, and you can hear in the distance an ambulance siren. As Ali is taken off the pitch he hands the captain's armband to Stone, and the referee puts Echevarria in the book, I think thats fair he didn't mean that horror tackle. Siese is coming on for Ali it seems in the commotion Davies forgot to send him on. Ok the game starts off again with a free kick just outside the box with Wildgoose to take it, he whips in a cross which Armaos rises to head, oh he heads it resoundingly into the crossbar and Boqueron manages to clear the ball away.

OOC: Very tired will finish tommorow when I get up



The Islands of Qutar 1 - 2 Cataduanes
Armaos, 34 Sacario, 17
Arambari, 87

The camera pans away from the panel, the lights fade down as the screen goes to the logo

Matchday 2 for Groups E-H (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11684121#post11684121) will follow eventually.

* Funky theme music *

Two girls, one with a strapped knee

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas
Rachel: And I'm Rachel Kool
Dazza: And this is the FOOTBALL LIFE

Rachel: Well, Jeruselem played the World Champs Casari - and well lost, badly
Dazza: Definitely not the same team that lost to Quakmybush
Rachel: Maybe the same personnel with a different attitude
Dazza: Anyway, we lost to them FOUR NIL. Not good.

Rachel: Can't really say much except Casari did deserve to win. The World Champs looked like World Champs today.
Dazza: And I got injured, ba humbug (starts crying)
Rachel: Dazza's got twisted knee and will be out next game
Dazza: Doctor says it's 1 to 4 weeks. No soccer for me in that period. Just rest and no stress on it.

Rachel: In the other game, Quakmybush and Bettia fought out a draw. 2 ALL
Dazza: Another draw for Bettia, and Quakmybush earn a valuable point. Quakmybush still lead but only by 1 point.
Rachel: We would have preferred that Quakmybush had one to make things easier but that didn't happen
Dazza: The group is still undecided after all this.

Rachel: we play Quakmybush next. If Quakmybush win or draw, they make the 2nd round. They can still make it if they lose depending on the other game.
Dazza: Well, due to our screwy goal difference - we have to win and not just TWO NIL. It must be something like SIX NIL, but we don't see that happening against Quakmybush. A draw or loss will send us home.
Rachel: Casari take on Bettia. If any of these teams win, then they make the 2nd round. The loser will not make it as Quakmybush have the advantage. In summary for these teams, a win seals 2nd round, and loss drops them out.
Dazza: However, if we beat Quakmybush and these teams draw - things are complicated. A draw would put Bettia out but Casari will be on 4 points with Jeruselem and Quakmybush. On goal difference, Casari should make it. So Casari really just need the draw.

Rachel: Quakmybush go through on a win or draw, but if we beat them SIX NIL we make it. Casari should make it unless it loses.
Dazza: So the chances of Jeruselem making the 2nd round are pretty slim and today's game stuffed us up. We'll need to borrow the Starblaydia team to win SIX NIL.
Rachel: Doesn't look good
Dazza: And I'm be there to help! (starts sobbing)

Rachel: Apologies to the viewers. Dazza loves her football and gets really passionate about it.
Dazza: Why me! (sobbing)

Rachel:
Dazza's quite upset folks. In the other group of interest, our Nedalian lions did much better. They drew with Becquerelia 2 ALL. Now a win would have almost ensured a spot in the 2nd round for the Lions, but Becquerelia had different ideas. This leaves Nedalia with two draws and two points. 3rd and 4th are on one point, and they can still steal Nedalia's spot. Krytenia won their game and have 6 points - they have made the 2nd round. Now, last two games in Group C! Nedalia take on Krytenia. Krytenia are expected to win but if the Lions win they guarantee their 2nd round spot. If these teams draw, this will give the Lions 3 points which is not enough. Sarzonia play Becquerelia - the winner of this game makes the 2nd round if Nedalia don't win. If these teams draw, Nedalia can make it with draw.

Finn: Hi girls, what's with Dazza?
Rachel: I think you'd better take her away. She's upset she can't play the next group game.
Finn: OK
Dazza: <limps off crying with Finn>

Rachel:
As you see, our players love their soccer. It's like religion you see. Dazza's knee is pretty bad and playing any further will make it worse. Now, the wedding competition. Dazza and Finn can't enter it but most Jeruselem people can. Now, it's time to declare a winner. Oh wait, commercial first!

<Ice cream commercial featuring Rachel Kool>

Rachel:
I'm back, well - I was on the ad but I was on that ad, hehe. The winner is Jenna Mazuri and Thomas Chrozani from lower Beersheba. Some officials from JGN will visit the couple or couple to be and confirm they are real people. And they will be on TV, during probably the last FOOTBALL LIFE featuring Jeruselem. Now, lots of other people entered and not everyone will be empty-handed. TEN other couples will be given 20,000 shekels towards their own wedding and another ONE HUNDRED will be given 5,000 shekels for theirs. JGN will call these people. Oi, weddings in Jeruselem cost money - mine cost a lot.

Dazza: Sorry folks, I had to come back, I love my job too much. Where are we upto? <holds her knee>
Rachel: Yap yap Daz.

Dazza:
Ouch, yes it's Yap Yap. Some people ask if football is becoming too serious. Guys, it's serious. Footballers might get paid a lot but our lives are ruled by results. The ecstasy of winning, and the pain of failure. There's money, pride, reputation and other things are at stake. I've been at Women's World Cup 3, and we won. It looks like we'll crash out of this one at the group stage after making the 2nd round during World Cup 27 and 28. But we can still do it with some luck.

Rachel: In short, summary - winning the World Cup is liking getting the Holy Grail for a Christian
Dazza: Long hard campaigns and planning, and for most they fall short except the elite.

Rachel:
And our Lions have a better chance, but playing Krytenia is not simple. Let's hope the other teams draw. That's it from THE FOOTBALL LIFE for now. We want you to pray for Jeruselem and Nedalia. OK, we need Jesus to save us but the Lions need our helo too.

Dazza: Oh, and Yafor 2 lost their 2nd game so Lisa's team don't make it. Well, Yafor 2 to qualify still.
Rachel: Good night
Dazza: And sweet dreams (starts crying again)
Rachel: Poor Dazza. Guys, buy her DVD and make her feel better. She loves winning but hates losing.

<Rachel walks off with Dazza and trying to cheer her up>
<Stuff appears on TV>

Group C

Krytenia 2 - 0 Sarzonia
Nedalia 2 - 2 Becquerelia


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Krytenia 2 2 0 0 6 0 4 6
Nedalia 1 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Sarzonia 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
Becquerelia 1 0 1 1 2 6 -4 1


Last games - Nedalia vs Krytenia, Sarzonia vs Becquerelia

Group D
Casari 4 - 0 Jeruselem
Bettia 2 - 2 Quakmybush


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Quakmybush 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Casari 2 1 0 1 4 1 3 3
Bettia 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Jeruselem 2 0 1 1 1 5 -4 1


Last games - Casari vs Bettia, Quakmybush vs Jeruselem