NationStates Jolt Archive

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/unclepete.gif Uncle Pete - 0__________2 - Becquerelia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


SMOOTH SAILING
Becquerelia Wins Easy Game Against Weak Opponent


ROENTGEN, BECQUERELIA (JNS) - The Black Cats put on a defensive clinic, as they held the struggling Uncle Pete team to only two very-misplaced shots and crused to a easy 2-0 victory.

"We definitly shook off all the rust. True, Uncle Pete is not the world's strongest team, but this is still a very promising looking victory for the future," said Assisstant Coach David Deneen. "But we can hardly expect games like this well into the future."

The game featured Becquerelia controlling the ball nearly four-fifths of the time, and playing keep away style football nearly the entire second half.

"No need to embarass them, really." said Niceaus Annunziata, who scored the second, and final goal in the 29th minute. Zikan scored first in the 7th minute.

Becquerelia's next game is against winless The Weegies, at their home field. Despite The Weegies recent struggles, Becquerelia is trying to stay grounded.

"It looks easy on paper, I'll admit," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini. "But so did the first Intyny game last time out, and look what they did to us. We've got to remember that we all aren't that very good just yet."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at The Weegies (0-0-3)
MD05: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at Sativaville (2-0-1)
MD06: Squornshelous (3-0-0) at Becquerelia (3-0-0)
MD07: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at Vilita (3-0-0)
MD08: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at Kericia (1-0-2)
MD09: Sashonska (0-0-3) at Becquerelia (3-0-0)
MD10: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at Uncle Pete (0-0-3)
MD11: The Weegies (0-0-3) at Becquerelia (3-0-0)
MD12: Sativaville (2-0-1) at Becquerelia (3-0-0)
MD13: Becquerelia (3-0-0) at Squornshelous (3-0-0)
MD14: Vilita (3-0-0) at Becquerelia (3-0-0)

Goal Scorers

Zikan - 3
Gregory Conveniencia - 2
Niceaus Annunziata - 1

The final whistle blows and Andreas Pfefer realizes that there was a hole in his memory of the last 5 minutes. He remembers that the score was 0:0 about 5 minutes before the end. A result, which would be the best for the System Karelan national team. In System Karela, the 0:0 is seen as divine. The Capitalizt team, which came to Тадерегровская Краснозвездная Арена (Red Star Arena of Taderegrov) tried to attack fiercely for System Karelan standards, but the fact that they were allowed into the nation was a sign of respect towards their defensiveness in contrast to takilan nations. Andreas Pfeffer looks at the score-display and expects the worst. For someone, who is a devout Karelan, this is to have conceded, but for a devout Karelan, who is suffering from the after-effects of a magical ceremony, which causes him sometimes to attack and score as if he was one of the most skilled strikers, the idea of what is worst possible is a bit different. System Karela apparently won 2:0, even though he did not remember any goal scene. System Karelan scoreboards do not show the goalscorer, but he suddenly gets the well-known feeling he screw up.The strange looks, he gets from his teammates provide additional proof. He knows once again that he will never be accepted in System Karela after that magical ceremony went wrong and made him a monster. He tries not to notice the slight aggressiveness toowards him and how people seem to become defensive when he approches. Scoring both goals for the 2:0 is something which causes trouble.

The Isangrad Times
Boyars Are Kings of the Hill!

By Thomas Chechov and Elissa Bobunov

The Valerians are looking stronger than ever in their first three days in the "Dirty Thirty" World Cup xXx. With enough strongmen and veterans in their increasingly legendary World Cup performance, the Valerians are on their way to qualifying if their strong streak keeps up with the pace of Androssa Se Mitrin Vega and New Montreal States. In fact, considering that the top of the crop New Montreal States is doing mediocrely at the moment, it could be possible for the Boyars to edge out a draw with their Orthodox brothers to keep them in the running for going onto the next stage in the World Cup for the first time in the history of Magnus Valerius.

"This is the dream of all Valerian football fans," Boyars Coach Ilya Pavlov said with a smile as he posed for a picture with several young, bikini-wearing models. "We could be making history here..."

Although Magnus Valerius' national team is at the top of Group 12, they are by no means safe for qualifying (although they are going strong). They have only waltzed over the "rugs" that we have faced so far: Carvalo, Lexington SC, and Horgate. Tomorrow, we will face Green Wombat. Although they have upstarted New Montreal States, we Valerians expect that they will not stand up well to the pressures of George Illyanich, Kyrill Feodorov, and Jacques d'Anjou, our best forwards. On an interesting note, we shall eventually face another familiar rug: Harlesburg. It is about the second time we face them. The first time, we met them as a weak, inexperienced team in WC27, and now, we are much stronger. In fact, Harlesburg is now much weaker than before, and we expect a tidy win against our old adversary. The Boyars are also excited to finally play the respected teams from New Montreal States and the Sea Dragons of Androssa Se Mitrin Vega. Nothing but positive speak and the talk of an exciting series of games with them can be heard on the sports wires.

Speaking of games, today's game against Horgate was one of agony... at least for the Horgatians. For the Valerians, it was another clean win, a hat-trick shut-out of 3-0. George Illyanich made his "l33t skiLLz" known to the world as he started off with a humiliating goal, kicking and shooting beyond a bewildered Horgatian defense for a goal at the tenth minute. George Illyanich was showered with the praises of the Valerian football fans in the Tsar's Arena (the largest stadium in Magnus Valerius, located in the capital city of Isangrad).

The Horgatians found it impossible to make it past Gustav Sibel's hardened goalkeeping skills. The towering Sibel denied any goals in the game, with the defense keeping it up well. At the 34th minute, Stephen Bobrinsky caught a failed Horgatian attempt and passed it over to Mongke Urt-Urumqi. The Mongol passed it on to Yeufimei Bashkirsky and Bashkirsky gave it back to The Mongol. The two teamworked their way to the Horgatian goal, where at the 41st minute, Mongke Urt-Urumqi scored another goal for the Valerians.

In the second half, the Valerians decided to make it a quick death for the Horgatians and then keep on their lead. At the 55th minute, Jacques d'Anjou and Heinrich Zerbst made a daring move to the goal with the ball in tow. At the 59th, d'Anjou headbutted the ball into the net past the Horgatian goalkeep, who actually dodged the screaming rocket the hot-headed Jacques d'Anjou sent into the net. The Valerians laughed at the inexperienced Horgatian defense, and soon Ilya Pavlov made a sign to have the Boyars play defense for the rest of the game. Of course, the inexperienced Horgatians did not make it past the solid Valerian defense, and before anyone knew it, the Boyars had won with a shut-out, keeping up with their impressive performance for three days in a row.

Final Score

Magnus Valerius 3:0 Horgate

G. Illyanich - 1 (10)
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1 (41)
J. d'Anjou - 1 (59)


Boyar Top Scorers!
G. Illyanich - 4
J. d'Anjou - 1
K. Feodorov - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1


Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Magnus Valerius 3 3 0 0 8 1 9 +7
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 3 2 1 0 7 1 7 +6
Harlesburg 3 2 0 1 4 5 6 -1
Green wombat 3 2 0 1 3 4 6 -1
New Montreal States 3 1 1 1 7 3 4 +4
Carvalo 3 0 1 2 3 7 1 -4
Horgate 3 0 1 2 1 6 1 -5
Lexington SC 3 0 0 3 1 7 0 -6

MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat @ Alexandria's Seaside Stadium
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega @ von Bayreuth Stadium in Austaire
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius

MD7.5: Friendly games

MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC @ Tsar's Arena, Isangrad
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States @ Immortal City Field in Tabriz
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

Magnus Valerius Looking for a 7.5 Friendly!
Inquire Within...

(OOC: TG or post an IC response. The first to apply gets to play me. :p)

A lone guard noisily slurped on an orange soda at the back gate entrance. His name tag read "Mike". His G36 assault rifle was strepped to his chest. He had never used his weapon before, and didnt want to. He saw an 18-wheeler pull up. Then another, and another. Three of the monster trucks in all. He opened his moouth to tell teh trucks to halt, but a gunshot stopped him short.
Wide.
He ducked behind his SUV and returned fire. His opponet was out of the 18 wheeler now, but he was sheilded by the massive trucks door. The man had an AK 74 assault rifle, and new how to use it. In the last moments of his life, Mike realized true fear. There were now two additional gunmen, and he knew he stood no chance. Hopefully, he thought, another guard could come to his aid.
But no one came.
No one heard.
One bullet his Mike in the arm. He yelled out in pain. Another bullet grazed his neck. Mike panicked. He rose up and unleashed a barrage of gunfire on the terrorists.
He missed.
Two rounds hit Mike in the head, spewing brains and blood everywhere.
Dead.
The terrorists drove the trucks through the gate and parked them as close to the stadium as possible. They messed with some wires then ran shouting in another language.
Their red headbands read "Al Irmo." They were fanatics.
Less than a minute later the northside of Old Wildcat Hollow exploded in a massive fireball. Many people were still in the stadium and many people were on the direct sides of it, waiting in the stagnant traffic.
People screamed.
People cried.
People ran.
To be contunied...

The Valerians at the game were pretty much gone and away from the blast, but once it occured, many were in shock. A few hundred Valerians who were unfortunate to get caught in the traffic after Matchday 2 were caught in the blast or in the rubble of the Lexingtonian stadium's destruction. The team was luckily unscathed, but once the rubble cleared, 297 Valerians lie dead from the blast. This caused not grief from the Valerians, but immense anger (at least, anger to the Valerian emperor).

"LEXINGTONIANS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT OUR VISITING CITIZENS! Where was the extra security? After all, a nation just rising from a Nu-Clee-Har disaster should keep some extra security... like maybe 1000 troops and snipers to take out dissidents," shouted Tsar Alexander III in contempt as he issued a statement regarding Lexington's failure to protect against guerillas and all sorts of other undesirables. He immediately demanded to send aid to Lexington SC. "We offer Lexington small arms and training officers to train them to kill any dissidents in their empire. In fact, we may as well send a small army to decimate their internal foes!"

Magnus Valerius faced guerillas before during the reign of Alexander I. Alexander I was harsh after guerillas killed his wife and two of his four children. They were renegade Barons and other nobles who wanted to create their own duchy from the city of Orissa. Alexander I's actions led to the annihilation of the ancient city of Orissa and the majority of its 300,000 inhabitants. Afterwards, all the captured leaders and masterminds of the seperatists were all shot to death in the Royal Execution Ground (established in 122 AD, with an untold number of patrons). Thus, the upstarts and the seperatists were soundly defeated.

If such an incident were to happen in Magnus Valerius when Lexington SC are to play in Magnus Valerius, the same bloody actions may occur against everyone from Lexington SC. Apparently, this "Al Irmo" may be taking actions that could cause great harm to Lexington SC if Magnus Valerius and its vicious cossacks would have to deal with them. Valerians are fanatics in themselves; they are fanatical about football and jingoistic to boot.

Magnus Valerius may bar any Lexingtonians from the game in Magnus Valerius, although such a thing is uncertain at this point. In the meantime, Valerians mourn their losses and the more cool-headed Foreign Minister Feodor Gagarin wrote a diplomatic letter to Lexington.

Dear Leader of the Lexingtonians,

We at Magnus Valerius are shocked, alarmed, and pitiful of your great loss. Of course, 297 of our approximately 674 million citizens were lost on this day too. We cannot hope to understand your loss, seeing as your nation just emerged from a disastrous event of divine intervention where fire rained on your lands and scorched everything into a wasteland. We understand that your nation needs all the help it can get.

That is why, on the behalf of my emperor, who is currently on campaign in a war (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=476229), I shall have 20 million Valerian Crowns sent to your nation for reconstruction purposes. I shall also be able to pledge some foodstuffs, small arms, steel, and other construction materials, as well as civilian manpower, to help your nation rebuild what you have lost. You may also need help fighting your internal enemies. Although we are at war, we shall be able to send some agents to your nation at your wishes.

God Bless,
Feodor P. Gagarin
Valerian Minister of Foreign Relations and Diplomacy

OOC: On NS, my country has >4 billion people, but for RP purposes, I use a more realistic/playable number of ~674 million... it is a much more feasible number.

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Is the worst over?

Mateys worst start to a World cup qualifying tournament since we entered the dam thing but look at the teams we played, Caution away, Oliverry at Home and Milchama away, i suppose comming out from that with one point is respectable teams ranked 32, 19 and 34 respectivl. However a spot of concern in the Oliverry game where a Poor Mateys team started well scoring first with a good goal from Patton who seems to be playing well so far despite his penalty miss against Caution.
Irwin who comming from the man of the match against Caution to looking like a goat against Oliverry is being very inconsistant however regained form against Milchama.
Mc Cann was dropped from the team playing Milchama as he was very poor against Oliverry, being lazy and was never defending and constantly was caught high up pitch, Crewe player O'Flannery takes his place and well hoping to link up with fellow Crewe player Scott Mitchell as they should be fairly familar with each others game.

Next up is unranked Boxtopia where the Mateys need to get their WC started properly or they may as well give up.

Of course the Shaman watched the match. He saw how the Bazalonian team played as if their skill slowly drained away, as if they were becoming worse and worse as time passed. First, it only affected the Creek brother, but then it spread over the entire team. Their 1:4 loss against the rejistani national team was in the end only, because the Rejistanis did not decide not to trash the Bazalopes double-digit.

The slightly increased defensiveness was done by a va'karela, the shaman smuggled into the bag of one of the Bazalonian players. The magic, he used was however not Karelan - it was Abysmali.

The Shaman still was looking at the replays of the worst messups of the Bazalonians and more and more absurd explanations on what was the reason for their less-than-mediocre performance, the doorbell rang. To his utmost surprise, the entire bazalonian national team was standing there. Coach Neil Kabants explained that apparently a magical ceremony went wrong and the team needed help. The English of the Shaman was not good, he always fell into his takamujetian grammar, but he managed to explain to them, that they did not respect the karelan magic and insulted him personally. When the coach politely asked whether the shaman could possibly restore the skills of the team, the shaman hissed and demanded an excuse. Eventually, the Creek-brothers excused sufficiently humble. The shaman muttered a few words, a gust of wind blew (despite they were inside of the house) and the spell was lifted.

RP Cutoff for Matchday Four

Scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11579763#post11579763)

The Bazalopes faced the Champlaign national team at the TeleBaz Stadium in Fauxhan. The match saw the Bazalopes return to what was considered normal play. Last match saw the Bazalopes suffer from what seemed a virus out-break. An out-break that only affected the Bazalonians. First, Andrew Creek was seen to start to be affected first seemingly slowing down and becoming lethargic, then spread to his midfielder brother Anthony and by the end of the match it had affected the entire Bazalonian team

Neil Kabants had refused to comment on the performance and had declared that the performance was a one off. There are rumours of some kind of Magic involved but Rejistanian officials have declared that no Karelan Magic was detected.

Today's match saw a total reversal of this, with the Bazalopes showing at least a decent performance against the no-names of Champlaign. 3 goals and the team was back in form.

..........

Neil Kabants was yelling at Anthony and Andrew after the match.

"WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING? GOING KARELAN OR NOT IS MY JOB, NOT YOURS. AND FIDDLING WITH MAGIC? YOU'RE IDIOTS!"

"Yes, Coach." mumbled Anthony and Andrew dejectidly

"AND DIS-RESPECTING A SHAMAN, ANY SHAMAN, IS BAD NEWS. MAGIC IS MAGIC, HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID?"

"We did feel..." started Andrew before Neil's Firey eyes stopped Andrew in his Tracks.

"YES, AND HE USED A VA'KARELA TO ACHIEVE IT, YOU'RE BOTH RESTRICTED TO THE HOTEL FOR THE NEXT AWAY MATCH."

"will we play?" full of hope prompted Anthony

"YOU ARE RESTRICTED TO YOUR ROOMS WHEN NOT TRAINING OR PLAYING, NOW GET OUT!"

Anthony and Andrew left,

"Well, I'm glad we got out of that so easy." said Andrew

"I dunno, I think Neil has plans. I'm not sure what though." replied Anthony as the two brothers worked out of the Coaches office building.

Southport News
“We don’t need a slogan. We’re just boring like that.”

Raptors fall to defending champs Casari 1-0

ZENERI – As the end of the match approached it appeared that Team Aurendia might have pulled off a miraculous draw with a strong Casari squad. That feeling disappeared in the 85th minute when Casari scored the only goal they would need, securing the 1-0 victory.

The opening half saw each squad steadily alternate possessions and several shots on goal, but both goalies, Liza Kohl for the Raptors and Casari’s Mina Darcosi saved everything they faced.

Despite the best efforts of the home fans, most of the second half went the same way. The teams continued to trade shots with no result, until penalty trouble struck in with 5 minutes left. Raptor defender Rachel Brady was too aggressive taking down Casari’s Scott Edmonds, and the ref awarded Casari the penalty kick. Kyle Reimar was chosen to take the kick, and when Kohl dove to the wrong side the 1-0 lead was secure.

Team Aurendia next will play host to McPsychoville at Etoka City Stadium. McPsychoville are themselves coming off a 1-0 defeat to Czariums, but maintain a first-place spot in Group 3 off the strength of three opening wins.

Scoring:
1. C (K. Reimar) 85th PK

Virginia Nova 0 - 1 Rordia

Somewhere- The Eagles did it again,they lost. This one a 1-0 heart breaker at the hands of Rordia. The game was played in nice sunny conditions and warm ones too. It started off with Rordia getting a jump and scorring early By (Midfielder). The Eagles looked to even the score as Hellios missed one wide right,then left. Adam Neppi then missed one high. Harold freemnot botched a pass from Hellios and Missed a nother penelty kick.

The Second half wasn't any better with 3 missed penelty kicks,2 by Neppi and one by Ken Bolles,who had come in to replace Hellois who was suffering from dehydration. the Icing on the cake came when at 88:02 Bolles missed a second Goal to the left and thus denied the Eagles of Points.


RORDIA 1

Midfielder (3:09)

Virginia Nova 0


Win

Tie

Loss

MD0 Marion Oaks 24-0
MD1 Yafor 2 1-1
MD2 Ariddia 0-2
MD3 Spruitland 0-2
MD4 Rordia 0-2

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"Slow start, this World Cup, Fr. John."

"I agree, Fr. Nicholas. What with that early loss - but moral victory - over Hockey Canada, followed by our absence on our vigil, and the campaign's taken a while to get going."

"So what about Demot, Fr. John?"

"Alas, so far as I can tell, they are at the very least hell-bound heretics who have strayed from Orthodoxy and who compound their sinful error by permitting women to play on their team. Always assuming 'Samantha' and 'Sarah' aren't men's names in this far away land of which, quite frankly, I know very little indeed."

"You speak for both of us there, Fr. John"

"Yet it must be said that despite the theological error of their ways, they've proven to be the surprise of the group so far, and before last night's match sat top of the table and undefeated. A remarkable feat for a team in the mid-hundreds playing in a group featuring us, Hockey Canada, Giant Zucchini and the upstarts from Quakmybush."

"But can they stay there, Fr. John? Does heresy sometimes pay?"

"Straying from the one true path can sometimes bring temporary success to the demon-inspired, Fr. Nicholas. But such success is fleeting. Let's look at some highlights.....

Low-ranked they may be, but Demot's open and attacking style has won them several admirers. After a dispute over a kit clash - both of the visitor's kits clash with the Archregimancy's all-black home kit - the Demot squad were forced to take the pitch wearing all-demonic red. An omen? It seemed not. The Archregimancy central defence - with Fr. Constantine the First-Called and Fr. Nicholas the Unmercenary combining efficiently - were magnificent, and the scarlet-robed sinners Frontson, Black and Ysman were completely shut down. Just watch this inspiring montage of crunching tackles by our defence....

But if Demot's own attacking line were shut down, in truth our lads were finding it hard work penetrating the visitor's defence. In the second half, coach Fr. Polycarp instituted a tactical change to bring in his 'Breaching the Walls of Jericho' formation, designed to break down a stalwart opposing defence. The tactic worked, with Fr. Daniel the Confounder of Heretics and Fr. Fyodor the Wonder Worker bombarding Whitehurse' goal from long range. Eventually, in the 76th minute, the tactic paid off. A long shot from Fr. Fyodor hit the cross bar, bounced back, Fr. Brynach the Simple reacted first and had an easy tap in.

1-0, and at that point the squad closed up shop."

"An impressive victory then, Fr. John? Despite the opposition's ranking?"

"I'd say so, Fr. Nicholas - after all, we managed more against Demot than Hockey Canada did"

"And what of the militant atheist communistic Canucks?"

"God in his unknowable wisdom decided that they should draw lowly Palixia 0-0"

"Which, Fr. John, would put us in first, correct?"

"Depending on other results, Fr. Nicholas yes. But those other results did go as needed, and with Quakmybush beating the Zucchinis 2-0, we are indeed top of the group."

"So we're ripe for a soul-strengthening humiliation in our next match then?"

"Oh, I'd say so, Fr. Nicholas - we're very good at those."

The long, silent car ride with with no police chases or violent shootings. Jay was glad for both. However, the likelyhood of the second was inversely proportional to the likelyhood of the first- and the first was much more likely on an expressway at 70 miles an hour. The Second was more likely in the back parking lot of a deserted office park at about two in the morning.

A situation that they seemed to be rapidly approaching as the car neared an empty office park. On the radio, a DJ happily announced the time as 1:54 am.

"Um... you know, we're really not worth killing." Jay said, looking around. "I mean, you could just let us wander off. We wouldn't tell anyone."

"Shut up and get out of the car." the woman said, turning the gun on them. "I'm going to pop the trunk. Get the thing out. And if you try anything funny, I can blow you away long before you make it to any cover."

Rob and Jay glanced at each other before getting out of the car and opening the trunk. They were quickly joined by the gun-toting woman, who gestured them into a building. The door was quickly opened by some minion who whe woman didn't bother to acknowledge- she just directed them to a dull meeting room and told them to set it on the table.

"Now. Get in the closet." She said, staring.

"Oh shit, they're going to leave us to die in the closet." Rob said, blinking, as they were shoved through the door roughly and had it locked behind them.

"Well, this is a pretty fine mess." Jay said, sitting against the wall.

Rob didn't have time to say anything else before an extremely loud woman walked into the meeting room and began screaming about the ineptness of contractors, and then lead into various other things, all while the kidnapper gave quick answers in agreement of whatever rants the screaming woman managed.

"You know, I know that voice. Isn't that Coach Hill?" Jay said, looking across the closet.

"It kinda does. Who the hell are the Dutch?" Rob said, trying to peak out the crack of the door.

"Don't look at me." Jay said, just as the door swung open. He started laughing as Rob jumped backwards with a shout and fell backwards on his ass. "Way to go, buddy." He said, looking from Rob to the woman at the door. "Hey, you ARE Coach Hill."

Hill stared down at the two. "Which one of your houses did this thing smash into, again?"

Jay pointed at Rob. "His. Right through the kitchen."

Hill turned towards the woman. "The kitchen? Did you take pictures?"

"No, she didn't." Jay interjected, scratching behind an ear.

"What? I told you to take pictures." She said, turning back to Jay. "Did it look cool?"

"Oh, yeah. Blew a hole straight through the roof and the floor and went two and a half feet down into the concrete."

Hill shot a glare out at the woman. "Seriously, Sonya. No pictures?"

Sonya shook her head.

"Ugh. No-one around here can do anything right. Either way, you know why we had to kidnap you, right? Classified government stuff."

"Um... I suppose." Rob said, still looking up from the floor.

Vivica looked back at Jay and frowned. "Is he always such a tool?"

Jay nodded. "Yep, always. Out of curiosity, who are the Dutch?"

"Where did you hear about the Dutch?" Sonya said, looking back and forth between the two.

"From her, when she was ranting about how everyone was useless."

Hill sighed. "It really does seem that way sometimes."

Sharks Defeat Zucchinis

Today the Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run. They righted the ship with a 2-0 win over Giant Zucchini. The game started quickly with a goal in the 6th minute by Jorge Valez. Then in the 67th minute Jon Fields scored his fourth of the tournament. The possesion in the game was an unbelievable 89 to 11 percent for Quakmybush. This is quite amazing as Giant Zucchini is only 8 spots below them in the World Rankings. Other results in Group 10 were, Hockey Canada only managed a 0-0 draw with Palixia. The Archregimancy defeated 142nd ranked Demot. Finally, Ten Thousand Maggots won their first game with a 3-2 win over Bostopia.

Group 10 Table

GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy (25) 4 3 0 1 9 9 4 5
Quakmybush (46) 4 3 0 1 9 8 5 3
Hockey Canada (10) 4 2 2 0 8 8 2 6
Demot (142) 4 2 1 1 7 9 3 6
Giant Zucchini (54) 4 2 0 2 6 8 7 1
Bostopia (126) 4 1 0 3 3 6 11 -5
Ten Thousand Maggots (204) 4 1 0 3 3 5 13 -8
Palixia (UR) 4 0 1 3 1 2 10 -8


Quakmybush Scehdule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia
The Archregimancy
at Demot
at Bostopia
Ten Thousand Maggots
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregmancy
Demot

Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 4
Cory Sorley 1
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Chris Bricking 1

Az-cz Scroll
August 22, 2006
Az-cz City
Il-Lur

Pinkos finally find the switch for the offense

It looks like the switch of strikers energized the offense. Either that or the fact that they were playing against adult entertainment stars rather than professional footballers. Regardless Az-cz was able to turn on the engines and dominate Alasdair I Frosticus, winning 5-1.
Straight from the get go the mood in the stadium was bright and there was a feeling that it would be a good day for the robbers. And it didn't take long for that mood to be validated. In the sixth minute Pizelkaxrovsky found Uz-Gz in stride who made a nice dish to his club teammate Ox-Rx who blasted in the first goal of the game.
The second goal came in the 23rd minute when Pizelaxrovsky again set up the two man game for the Golems strikers. This time Ox-Rx directed it to Uz-Gz and Az-cz had a two goal lead.
The game cooled down a bit until just before the end of the half. In the 42nd minute Pizelkaxrovsky found Kn-Dg streaking down the left side of the pitch where he blasted in the third goal of the game.
However in the 45th minute Alasdair I Frosticus was able to pull one back. Andronicus Curcuaso showed his football skills by setting up "Hot" Totty for the goal. She lived up to her billing of always scoring in this game as well.
Suprisingly no changes were made at the half. Az-cz continued to be in control of the game and added to the scoreline in the 59th minute. Pizelkaxrovsky swung to Bn-Dg who found Uz-Gz in the middle of the area who blasted in goal number four.
Although no changes at the half was a little suprising, still leaving the regular squad on the pitch at 4-1 was a huge shock. But it worked out ok. In the 70th minute Uz-Gz finished off his hat trick on a nice cross into the box from Ml-Dni who had recieved service from Pizelkaxrovsky.
Up 5-1 Levesque finally put the game into lockdown mode. He took Uz-Gz off for At-Zm, Bn-Dg for If-Wt, and Kn-Dg for Lo-Ro. They then proceeded to kill off the clock and enjoy their 5-1 victory. With the struggles in the proceeding three games, the breakout victory was clearly well recieved by the team.
Next up for Az-cz is Nedalia. Their neighbors will be making a short trip into Mil-Bax to play at Burlock Castle. They're looking to repeat the results of the last game their, known as the "crushing at the castle". It will be a good test for Az-cz against the current group leader and only remaining undefeated team in the group.

Statistics
Goals Az-cz 5 Alasdair I Frosticus 1
Az-cz scorers 6 Ox-Rx 23, 59, 70 Uz-Gz 42 Kn-Dg
Possession Az-cz 62% Alasdair I Frosticus 38%
Shots Az-cz 13 Alasdair I Frosticus 9
Corners Az-cz 1 Alasdair I Frosticus 1

(ooc: Back from up north.. did ya miss me?? if not please slap self on head until you do.)

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Sorry about the last 4 days, but due to a gravimetric wormhole entering orbit around the sun, all broadcasts of the 1st Four Qualifiers were shunted off into space and lost. So for all of Qazox here's the Matchday 1 thru 4 recap.

MATCH DAY 1 vs. The Mice of Miceland

The Mice of Miceland, who are in fact regular-sized mice in their country, use a Biggulator or Hugematron or some device to make themselves human-sized, came into Qazox as bigundedogs, but showed the world that they can hang with the big boys, by scoring 3 goals against the Black Oxen, but Qazox scored 5 and won a tougher game than anticipated.

Goals: Qazox: Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (1,2,3: 34', 57' 84'), Marie Goya (1: 48'), 2nd Lt. Kelly Kinkade (1, 66'-PK)
TMoM: Fivel Churchmouse: (1,2,3: 13' 25' 76')

MATCH DAY 2 at Raging Penguins

Raging Penguins, scored a controversial goal in the 89th minute to take a 1-0 win over the Black Oxen as Fnab-Fnab scored after taking a grenade and sticking down the shorts of Loki . Loki, being the tricker god, survived and laughed his butt off at the poor attempt of humor, but the distraction was enough to allow Fnab-Fanb to score.

Goal: Raging Penguins: Fnab-Fnab: 89'


MATCH DAY 3 vs. Commerce Heights
The 3rd match was against Commerce Heights, the stronger one and Qazox overcame a 30th minute Red Card from Loki that allowed Dionúsios Khrousalá to score. But a furious counterattack in the waning minutes of the game, tied the match at 1-1 all on a goal by Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez, her 4th of this tourney and 13th overall, tying her for 2nd place all time on the International scoring for Qazox.

Goals: Qazox: Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (4: 88')
Capitalizt SLANI: Dionúsios Khrousalá (31'-PK)
Cards: Qazox: Loki: 30' (RED)


And now to today's match with the Tadjikistan Tigers, Qazox got an early goal from Kelly Kinkade, his 2nd of the tourney in the 35th minute to give the Black Oxen a 1-0 lead. But the lead was short lived as int he 41st minute, Tadjikistan's Zyrianov tied it at one-all and that's how it ended.

SO after 4 matches here's the Standings:

Code:
Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Tadjikistan 4 3 1 0 8 3 10 +5
The Mice of Miceland 4 3 0 1 14 7 9 +7
Commerce Heights 4 2 2 0 11 3 8 +8
Raging Penguins 4 2 0 2 4 4 6 0
Qazox 4 1 2 1 7 6 5 +1
Swilatia 4 1 1 2 5 7 4 -2
The Doja 4 0 1 2 2 7 2 -5
Toranat 4 0 0 4 3 17 0 -14

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Repetitious Sports Publication

Waffles Claim First Away Scalp

Spaam travelled to Tocapa to play a must-win game for the Waffles last
night, and were not disappointed. They Waffles dominated the game early
on, with seventy percent possession, though Tocapan keeper Roran Eldrop
was impressive in goal. The defense finally cracked just before the half-hour
mark though, with young midfielder Gorran Chegwidden claiming the first
qualifying goal of his career. Tocapa lifted after the goal, but Spaam still had
over sixty percent of possession at the break.

With the hosts desperate not to add another loss to their record, they went
all out, with striker Cler Bestov getting two clear shots on goal. However
Feoca Arthur was too good for them, and Trevelyan replied with a goal down
the other end to close off the game in the 64th. The Tocapans were tired,
but managed to hold off the Waffles, who were denied a third goal, but glad
to be back in the winners circle.

Tocapa 0 - 2 Spaam
(2 Chegwidden 29; 1 Trevelyan 64)

Results

Group Five
Eseck 2 - 4 Krytenia
Risa-Aramour 2 - 0 Peturbed Lepoard
Vuam and Isma 0 - 2 Rorysville

Krytenia got a scare when Eseck scored two early goals against them, and
were facing a shock away loss. They came back however, to eventually win
by four goals to two. Meanwhile Risa-Aramour stayed unbeaten when they
overcame Peturbed Lepoard by two, and Rorysville overcame hosts Vuam and
Isma also by two.

Krytenia is still on top with the full twelve points, with Risa-Aramour two
points behind, and Rorysville a further one point behind. Spaam is still in
fourth spot on seven, a full win ahead of Vuam and Isma, while Eseck and
Peturbed Lepoard are still languishing at the bottom.

Group One
Spaamanian Plijous 3 - 0 Winchestia
Errinundera 0 - 4 The Lowland Clans

Group Ten
Quakmybush 2 - 0 Giant Zucchini

In other matches, Spaamanian Plijous kept their unbeaten record and
qualifying spot intact when they hosted Winchestia. Alan Belmore scored a
hattrick for the Gulls, while keeper Pamela Anderson was too good for the
Winchestian forwards. Errinundera was embarassed at home, with the
Lowland Clans scoring four against them. And Quakmybush claimed a prize
scalp at home, downing Giant Zucchini by two, and putting themselves into
qualifying position.

Next Week

Next week sees Spaam hosting Eseck, in what should be an easy win for the
Waffles, while Krytenia should continue their winning run as they take on
Tocapa. Vuam and Isma will be looking to get back into winning form, as they
host the still goalless Peturbed Lepoard, and Rorysville and Risa-Aramour face
off in an important match-up, which should see Spaam overtake one of them.

Spaamanian Plijous will head to the Lowland Clans, desperate to keep their
unbeaten record, while Errinundera will be hosting the winless Winchestia, in
an exciting but low-ranked match. And the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks
looks to keep their top two position as they host the inexperienced Palixia.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 4 0 0 10 2 8 12 83
Risa-Aramour 3 1 0 9 2 7 10 81
Rorysville 3 0 1 7 4 3 9 63
Spaam 2 1 1 8 3 5 7 73
Eseck 1 1 2 4 9 -5 4 31
Vuam and Isma 1 0 3 2 7 -5 3 22
Tocapa 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1 22
Peturbed Lepoard 0 0 4 0 8 -8 0 0

Goal Scorers

3 Tehta Trevelyan (1)
2 Crewenna Roskelly (4)
1 Mar'h Menadue (14)
1 Jenifer Uren (7)
1 Gorran Chegwidden (2)

History

01 Spaam 4-0 Rorysville
02 Risa-Aramour 2-2 Spaam
03 Krytenia 1-0 Spaam
04 Tocapa 0-2 Spaam
05 Spaam vs Eseck
06 Spaam vs Peturbed Lepoard
07 Vuam and Isma vs Spaam
08 Rorysville vs Spaam
09 Spaam vs Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam vs Krytenia
11 Spaam vs Tocapa
12 Eseck vs Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard vs Spaam
14 Spaam vs Vuam and Isma

MC: Congratulations to the team today. There first performance at their Baptism of Fire level. Well done. Joining us today are coach Levesque, Man of the Match Pizelkaxrovsky and hat-trick earner Uz-Gz.

Levesque: Well we had a difficult opponent today but we got the job done. They play a suprisingly mean game of football for non professionals. Of course Curcuaso is a professional player of top level skill.

Az-cz reporter 1: Were you bothered by the unusual tactics of the Alasdair I Frosticus side?

Pizelkaxrovsky: No. I hate to break it to them, but the women on their team are ugly slags. Not to say that I find human women, unnatractive, just that these porn stars are grossly misshapen and abnormal. So that's not gonna do much to get us out of our rhythm.

Az-cz reporter 1: Ugly slags?!? All of them?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Well Totty's ok, but the rest of them, yeah. I feel sorry for the LaRue sisters. That body type is just unfortunate. Nobody needs breasts that big. I don't get why they don't get their regular movie stars, or people who look like that to do their porn. When I watch porn I want the really hot girl next door, not the silicon factory next door, or the tub of lard next door.

MC: Alright. Let's move away from the pornography discussions and back to the football.

Az-cz reporter 2: With the way Uz-Gz and Ox-Rx played today, do you think they will continue to start in upcoming matches?

Levesque: They will be starting against Nedalia. We will start the exact same lineup against them as we did today.

Az-cz reporter 3: Are you worried at all about the match because of Nedalia's recent war mongering?

Levesque: No. They're building up their military, a move we as Az-czzers disagree with, but I'm not worried about any international incidents. We have no beef with Nedalia and they oughtn't have any beef with us. We'll welcome any fans who want to drive, fly, boat, or train into Az-cz with open arms.

Az-cz reporter 4: Six points from four games. How do you feel about that?

Levesque: A little bit disappointed. Failing to get any points against Anathematics and Nebuleux hurts. Those are the two teams we most wanted to compete against and we failed against both. With both Nedalia and Bedistan coming up soon we've put ourselves in a tough position. If we want to make the top half, we'll have to do better against them both next time around.

Az-cz reporter 5: Uz-Gz, how do you think you were able to come by a hat-trick today when the offense had been struggling so much?

Uz-Gz: Alot of things really. Pizelkaxrovsky was brilliant once again today. Me and Ox-Rx were able to establish a connection like we do in the -League and the Alasdair I Frosticus defenders had a bit of a tough time. So it was a number of factors. Hopefully we'll be able to replicate some of it against Nedalia.

Az-cz reporter 6: You didn't go into lockdown at half or at 4-1 today. Why was that?

Levesque: I thought we were playing better and I wanted to develop the confidence that comes from scoring goals. I wasn't worried about Alasdair I Frosticus coming back on us and I think we'll be better off with those goals under our belt.

Az-cz reporter 7: Does that mean that we'll see less of the lockdown from here on out?

Levesque: Not necessarily. I evaluate each game as it comes. If it's necessary you'll see it. If I think we still need to attack I won't use it. It's situational.

MC: Alright. Last question.

Az-cz reporter 8: What are your goals for the next three games going into the break?

Levesque: I think we're trying for four points. We need to beat San Haven and then steal points against either Nedalia or Bedistan. Of course we'd like more than four, but that's really the number we're looking at. If we can get four we ought to still be in decent position for a top half spot.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you where the Doritos are!!

by: Monty Python
On the 1st day of Qualifing, Sativaville pounded newcomer Sashonska 4-0.

On the 2nd day of Qualifing, Sativaville was squished again by Squornshelous 0-3.

On the 3rd day of Qualifing, Sativaville whipped The Weegies 3-0.

On the 4th day of Qualifing, Sativaville beat Uncle Pete 3-1.

STANDINGS:

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Squornshelous 4 4 0 0 12 1 11 12
Becquerelia 4 4 0 0 9 2 7 12
Vilita 4 4 0 0 8 2 6 12
Sativaville 4 3 0 1 10 4 6 9
Kericia 4 1 0 3 7 10 -3 3
Uncle Pete 4 0 0 4 1 8 -7 0
The Weegies 4 0 0 4 2 12 -10 0
Sashonska 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0

Somehow we're in 4th place and doing better than fellow Continuum Members, Green wombat and Qazox. I think someone spiked my last batch of greens.

Daily Wombatian

This paper, has despite the gravimetric wormhole effecting the entire Continuum, has finally recieved the scores from the 1st four matches of green wombat:

MD1: Green Wombat 2- Lexington SC 1
MD2: Green Wombat 0- Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 3
MD3: Green Wombat 1- New Montreal States 0 (SHOCK OF THE MILLENIUM)
MD4: Green Wombat 3- Magnus Valerius 3

here are the updated standings:

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 4 3 1 0 10 1 9 10
Magnus Valerius 4 3 1 0 11 4 7 10
New Montreal States 4 2 1 1 8 3 5 7
Green wombat 4 2 1 1 6 7 -1 7
Harlesburg 4 2 0 2 4 8 -4 6
Lexington SC 4 1 0 3 7 7 0 3
Horgate 4 0 1 3 1 7 -6 1
Carvalo 4 0 1 3 3 13 -10 1

The main news so far: we beat NMS???? how the hell did that happen??

OOC: Ladies and Gentlemen let us welcome Douglas Jefferey to the World Cup.

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Sports Section

Douglas Jefferey rants

What a bunch of idiots! They should be winning these games like 5-0, look at Oliverry they have 19 goals scored we only have f---ing 8. That's terrible! That's just bloody terrible. This doesn't have anything to do with a conspiracy we just plain can't score. If it weren't for a lucky shot from Floren Albentine we would have nothing from this game. These guys are ranked 129 in the world, 129!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is just pathetic that we are not blowing teams like this out of the water. What will happen when we face Oliverry. You know what is going to happen, we're going to get crushed. Seriously they are going to slap us around and then crush us like bugs. We need our offense to step it up although I will admit (begrudgingly) that our defense is quite good.

Those shutouts have been awesome as we have only given up a goal in one game so maybe we do stand a chance against Oliverry espiecially because we are still undeafeated and are going on a 15 match unbeaten run streching back from last world cup. But screw all that, I just plain don't trust this group of guys, I mean I trust our kleptochase chasers to be better than them to beat Oliverry.

As long as we continue to win all will be well but if that doesn't happen then they all suck.

With that I'm Douglas Jefferey, ya'll suck.

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Albentine 34)
Sliponia 0 (kkkkareeelllllaaaa gggggoooodddd?)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Mice of Miceland came in and beat the Penguins in the other battle of the animals. The mice seemed to be too small to be effected by the tank strategy and were able to overcome the Penguins other tactics.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Floren Albentine gave a wonderful performance. After having his doubters after a lackluster display last World Cup and his under par play this world cup he answered all doubts today as he led the Milchamian offense and got what he deserved out of those efforts with a goal in the 40th minute. He continued to play well in the second half even as the strikers seemed to fade in and out of the game.

The Bartol Occassional
Bringing you the news... when we feel like it

The Tocapan national football team has returned home after playing its last two qualifying matches on the road, only to end up in disappointment as the opposing Spaam side trounced Tocapa 2-nil. The match started out promising for keeper Roran Eldrop as though Spaam maintained possession for most of the time, he managed to block every single shot the Waffles took. However, tragedy struck as Tocapan defender Blace Oraor was sidelined by an apparent knee injury. Not wanting to use a substitute this early, head coach Geraldo Ascou left the pitch with only ten men.

It was a mistake he soon regretted, as the 29th minute brought Spaam midfielder Gorran Chegwidden a spectacular goal. Not but immediately after Ascou succumbed and brought in veteran defender Olore Steva to replace the injured Oraor. The switch seemed to bring the defense back in line, as though the offense had little chance to move, Tocapa kept it one to nothing heading into halftime. During halftime, Oraor commented on the injury, "Oh yeah, it hurts, but not as much as being subbed out by a fogey like that."

The second half too, started out with a band, as forward Cler Bestov had two shots on goal in the early minutes, but were unable to pass the Spaam keeper Feoca Arthur. Seconds turned into minutes until the 64th, when Tehta Trevelyan snuck a second goal into the Tocapan net, bringing the score to 2-nil in favor of the Waffles. The rest of the match was one disappointing shot after another for both sides. A minor verbal spat almost led to a red for both sides, but was resolved quickly and the match ended without much fervor.

The Occassional caught up with Ascou following the match, who had the following comments: "Vell, iss bad." Keeper Eldrop seemed to echo the statements: "Yeah, I tried as hard as I could, but you know, all the other teams out there are just so good, and ve're so not good."

Standings

Nation | P | W | D | L | GF | GA | GD | Pts
--------------------------------------------------------
Krytenia | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 2 | +8 | 12
Risa-Aramour | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 2 | +7 | 10
Rorysville | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 7 | 4 | +3 | 9
Spaam | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 8 | 3 | +5 | 7
Eseck | 4 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 9 | -5 | 4
Vuam and Isma | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 7 | -5 | 3
Tocapa | 4 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 7 | -5 | 1
Perturbed Leopard | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 8 | -8 | 0


Schedule
MD0: <none scheduled>
MD1: Tocapa 1:2 Vuam and Isma [A]
MD2: Rorysville 2:0 Tocapa
MD3: Eseck 1:1 Tocapa
MD4: Tocapa 0:2 Spaam [1]
MD5: Tocapa v Krytenia [A]
MD6: Tocapa v Risa-Aramour [1]
MD7: Perturbed Leopard v Tocapa
MD7.5: Tocapa v Quakmybush (friendly) [A]
MD8: Vuam and Isma v Tocapa
MD9: Tocapa v Rorysville [1]
MD10: Tocapa v Eseck [A]
MD11: Spaam v Tocapa
MD12: Krytenia v Tocapa
MD13: Risa-Aramour v Tocapa
MD14: Tocapa v Perturbed Leopard [1]
[A] = The Bestiary, Onorka City; [1] = Castle Football, Bartol

Goals

Stowe Erroe
Jerro Smiss

So, What did happen to the Vilita Jungle Cats?




We are Vilita! We are Vilita!

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We are Vilita dammit. Former World Cup Champions? Yea. That was 10 cups ago. Formerly the #2 nation in the world. Yup, also 10 cups ago.

But, this is still Vilita. Unlike the players of the past, hounded by the media and on the cover of cereal boxes, this generation of Vilitan players plays in full face paint and without names on the back of their kit, to prevent being identified outside the playing surface. It was their celebrity status that eventually led to their downfall, with players missing practice sessions to attend sponsor signing sessions, and eventually missing qualification to the World Cup altogether. After forgoing the previous World Cup qualification campaign, it appears that the new-look Vilita, spearheaded by former defensive midfielder Jurgen Ramzi and goalkeeper Massimo Corsi in the backroom, is ready to contend once again, despite their lowly world ranking.

The new look Jungle Cats came tough out of the box in their first competitive match since their World Cup 28 campaign failure, travelling to long-time foe The Weegies and coming out with a close 2-1 victory. But returning home to the Tivali Ring Stadium, the Jungle Cats ran out comfortable 2-0 winners over newcomers Uncle Pete. A memorial moment of silence was held prior to the match for a Vilitan relative of the same likeness. The Jungle Cats entertained another World Cup newcomer at The Ring on matchday 3, with an identical result against Sashonska, before rapping up their three game homestand with an impressive 2-1 victory over favored Kericia, leaving the anonymous Vilita squad with a very un-anonymous four wins from four matches. The road only gets tougher for the squad now, however, on the road against the always formidible Squornshelous on Matchday five.

Additionally, the Vilitan Government would like to extend its sympathy to the natives of fellow Group 4 opponents Sativaville, who have along with the Green wombat nation been struck with that horrible disease that sometimes hits nations involved in the NS World Cup. Unimaginativity is a serious disease, and when coupled with Lakofeffort can really pose a disheartening situation for nations. While Lakofeffortitis is more widely found in such regions such as Liverpool England and Lovisa, it does sometime stretch it's evil reach outside those barriers, and we should all say a prayer for those in Sativaville and Green wombat, and hope they are able to regain their imaginativity back by fighting off the effects of lackofeffortitis.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
LLLLLLL
IIIIIIIIIIII
TTTTTTTTTT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

TWO IN A ROW
Steal Win in Montegrande
by Markinen Marketel

MONTEGRANDE(NP) - Nikea came from behind after a slow start in
Montegrande to take three points from the home team and carry momentum
into their next match.

After their previous three performances, many Nikean fans could be
forgiven in wondering which team would show up; the team that played a
solid match in a 2-1 win over AwalKB, the team that performed terribly
in Starblaydia, or the average side who predictably lost in Tynelia.
Today's match seemed to be a mix of the solid with the decidedly sub-
par.

It was a tale of two halves, as the home side took the game to the
116th ranked Pandas. The young defense tried to hold out, but were
broken in the 32nd minute with a smart shot past Keletel. Hikaren
Spriteithel looked decidedly sour in his walk to the room at half-time.

Things looked bleak for the visitors, but it was a different team that
came out for the second half. They suddenly seemed inspired, taking
play to the newcomers with quick pace and fluid movements. Nirstin
Somnatel played the ball through to Eskimitel, who laid it off to
Lemperetel. The Nikean midfielder powered a shot past the Montegrande
keeper, knotting the match up at 1-1 in the 61st minute. The 74th
minute proved equally fruitful, with Depayenestel sending the Pandas
into the lead with a superb solo effort. Nikea pushed for another goal,
but couldn't find the back of the net again; fortunately, they didn't
have to. The Pandas take some momentum into Spindomia, hoping to win
three straight and move their way up in the world rankings. The match
in Spindomia can be seen as always on NTV1.


Montegrande 1 (<player> 32)
v.
Nikea 2 (Lemperetel 61; Depayenestel 74)


Nikea v Tynelia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (L 1-2)
Starblaydia v Nikea (L 0-4)
Nikea v AwalKB - Interiu, Interirien Field (W 2-1)
Montegrande v Nikea (W 2-1)
Spindomia v Nikea
Nikea v Wrecker - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
Bettia v Nikea
Tynelia v Nikea
Nikea v Starblaydia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
AwalKB v Nikea
Nikea v Montegrande - Interiu, Interirien Field
Nikea v Spindomia - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
Wrecker v Nikea
Nikea v Bettia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

Big Mouse Surprise

After 4 matchdays the Mice of the Miceland National football team has shocked the established world of Football. Let's have a re-count of the 4 matchdays.

MD1, The team travelled to Qazox, the land of the Holy Oxen. In an amazingly high scoring match, totaling an amazing 8 goals. 5 of which where Qazoxian and the other 3 where the Mice took an early lead. Fievel scoring all three goals, The first 2 where in the 13th and 25th minutes. Taking the first opportunities and bringing the lead to 2-0 the Mice where celebrating en-mass. Alicia "Speedy" Gonzalez from Qazox managed to claw back a goal before half-time for a 1-2 half-time score. The second half was a much more Qazoxian Affair with Marie Goyar scoring almost straight away in the second half. What was a strong attack and defense wavered under this renewed Qazoxian assault, Compounded by 2 more goals from Alicia and a goal from 2nd Lt. Kelly Kincaid. Exactly why they have a member of the Qazoxian military in the national football team is unknown but Fievel showed the world that Mice are a species that cannot be taken for granted nor taken lightly. Fievel scored his first hattrick and earned te Man of the Match for the Qazoxian match.

MD2, Miceland faced Tonarat. A team that no respect was given nor earned. Fievel scored his second hattrick back up with 2 from Charity FieldMouse and one other from Computer InputMouse. The Tonarat team managed to score a consolation goal in the dying minutes of the match. The second matchday is another example of Miceland's football prowess. Once again Fievel ChurchMouse earned the Man of the Match award.

MD3, Saw the Mice face another team from the Baptism of Fire, The Doja. The Dojan team was more like The Dump team as it seemed that Th Doja team never managed to come to the level of Mice and never even came close to scoring a goal. MD3 was the only matchday in the world cup so far that saw Fievel not score a hattrick but Fievel scored 2 of the goals and Charity scored the 3rd. After this win the team decided to go a defense and withdrew to their own half.

MD4, saw the toughest win for the Mice ever in their football history. The Raging Penguins. A team that have been known for violence they focussed on the striking pwerhouse that is Fieval ChurchMouse but Charity was given the main role in this match and saw Charity score both goals. The Raging Pengiun team scored a goal in the 36th minute. There was a controversial goal for the Raging Penguins that would have made it a draw but it was dis-allowed due to the shooter being off-side.

This has been an official government release

........

In a Hall, somewhere deep in the bowls of the Miceland government. There was 10 mice at a table, this group was known as the Chamber. The group ultimately responsible for all decisions however the miceland government.

"Sports, this has so far certainly been a good idea so far." Mouse 1

"Those stupid Wichestian Human party have cut off their own head, What is Agent Alice upto now?" Mouse 2

"Agent Alice is keeping an eye on the Winchestian Defender, Taylor Tinley, he was the one that stole those fake Guide to Bigulation. Though we haven't heard much from him. Seems the Human Party has lost any support it has." Mouse 3

"Does that mean we should start involving ourselves with Winchestia?" Mouse 4

"We'll let's just say until we can be sure about Winchestian general views of Mice we can't be sure." Mouse 5

"So what about the Swilatian Team, we're up against them next. What does ESF say about them?" Mouse 6

"A Strong team somewhere in between Raging Penguins and Qazox. They have been liasing with Entertainment and Gaming Office and apparently the office feels that we could get away with a draw." Mouse 7

"So what about the AOKCC and the NSKCC...." and the conversation moved onto Miceland's entries in the Kleptochase competitions where it was certainly dominating in the AO championships, and the NationState KleptoChase comp was yet to start.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

Here We Go Again
OSers fail to impress, slowly slide out of contention

Eastentown - What's that, Chicanada made the last World Cup, you say? Then expect them to lose needed points the next time.

At least the CFA are bidding to host the damn thing come 31. Alone or with others, anyways. Maybe we can guarantee us a slot!

Chicanada's National Team continues it's own special streak of collapsing under expectations after making a Final, failing to capitalize on their slight 1-0 loss to Liverpool England at the National Square with a nil-all tie to Hiiraan. The Orange Stars are now sitting in 4th place, a customary position for the team after they make a final, and sit 5 points behind Spaamanian Plijous (who we BEAT! at HOME!) for the Qualifer Not Named Liverpool England position.

Coach Yerevan Malli was disappointed with the road tie, as the OSers begin a 3-game road swing that takes them to Benlandngdo and a major AO battle with The Lowland Clans (who everyone else expects to beat us out for the Not LE Qualifying Slot). Malli was quoted as saying the team is living up to proper expectations and are still getting the points against sides, but need to do what they accomplished in their breakout performance during last cup's qualifiers.

Malli might be daydreaming, with how tired the side looked against Hiiraan. Was it due to LE runing all over the field and controlling the ball and time over at the National Square? Is expectations of success for a damn change taking their toll? Is this side just utter shite? We'll have a better understanding of it after this road trip, we think.

In rather embarrasing news, the longhorns from Risa-Aramour are looking scary. After making Vuam and Isla cry with a 1-0 victory at the Eden Stadium in Rosa City the rather quiet side scored a 2-0 triumph against Peturbed Leopard over in the coastal Aramourian city of San Felipe. The side is now 2 points behind mighty Krytenia for the top spot in Group 5. Yes yes, we know. How are they doing so well while not talking! And what makes it better, they could spring the trap in their two road games and be even closer to Krytenia before their meeting in Game 7 at the original Governess Palace in Colombo.

The Wentland Congregational

And did those feet...in ancient time...

Ah, those feet indeed. The feet of Cosmo Kent in particular. Upon the path of righteousness did they tread, onwards towards the goal of very heaven itself.

Walk upon Wentland's mountains green?

There was indeed a mountain to climb. Against the 100% Group favourites. And coming off a loss to the United Island Empires.

And was the holy hand of God...

The controversy surrounding the winning goal wilt not evaporate like the sons of Japheth. A clearance struck Neil Collins on some part of his body and bounced to Barnes who didst finish with aplomb. The replays later suggestedeth that it struck Collins on the arm but of malice aforethought there was none.

On Warpstone's pleasant pastures seen?

And it came to pass that eleven men in blue didst enter the Warplands stadium with a crowd ready to bait and scourge.

And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?

Indeed the Swifts didst receive their fair share of luck. A penalty in the first few minutes that was dispatched with venom by Blake Wright. And a disallowed goal that had the visitors gnashing and wailing owing to a dispute about interference. Doth the Holy Book of Law not sayeth that impeding the goalkeeper's vision be interfering?

And was Jeruselem beaten here
Amongst the dark and frantic thrills?

Rejoice. Indeed it came to pass. 3-2 with an 88th minute winner.

The Swifts shall not cease from gruesome fight and the shooting boots shall not sleep until World Cup qualification is secure. But in a group where three points separate the first six teams and the might of Cataduanes await it shall be a dour struggle in this green and pleasant land.

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Unicorns Edge One Red Dot In Thriller

Queen Sonya Sabre was more than pleased to be home for a much needed three match rest from the constanst travel that she imposed on herself in support of the Sylvanaes Kingdom’s growing presence in the sporting world. Not to mention that the two matches with the top dogs of Group 11 were now out of the way as well.

That left One Red Dot as the main adversary in the big scheme of things. And after the great play of both sides in their CoH matchup, this was expected to be quite a wondrous match. And it more than lived up to the Queen’s expectations.

The first half saw solid defense rule the pitch at Elanesse Tulcokelume - home of the Mystical Unicorns. Both sides were playing conservatively in order to give no advantage to the other. Both sides were looking for that elusive weak spot on which they could base their attacks. But none could be found as the Unicorns and the Wolves played to a stagnate 0-0 halftime draw.

The first 20 minutes of the second half would see much of the same as the D&S defense, led by Tisa Laos, refused to show any more weakness than their Dottian counterparts. But in the 76th minute Laos would slip, allowing a scoring threat to break through and give One Red Dot the lead at 1-0. And it seemed as if that would be enough to beat the home squad at first.

It would be the 85th minute before the Unicorns could pull even. Nátulcien Eluch`div` made a beautiful cross to Avril Auserwald who’s spectacular bicycle kick found the back of the net. Score now knotted at 1-1.

Regulation was complete and a measly 2 minutes now stood between both sides and a win or loss. The conservative, defensive play of the first half resurfaced and looked to end things in a draw. But Altáriël Telperiën was tackled hard by Takahashi HANAGI and earned the penalty shot. But Telperiën couldn’t take the shot due to a slightly sprained ankle and reserve forward Neida Garrington - a Halfling that is perhaps the shortest non-mouse player in the qualifiers - stepped up for the biggest shot of her career. And as it sailed niftily into the upper left corner of the net, the stadium erupted with cheers. The Unicorns had beaten One Red Dot and avenged the CoH loss that sent them home.

Next, the Unicorns will welcome The Colony of Delaware to the Sylvanaes Kingdom for what will hopefully be another win for the Unicorns.

Elsewhere around Group 11
Fmjphoenix destroyed The Colony of Delaware6-0
Khenas dropped KCToker 3-0
TnUI looked shaky in a 2-1 win over Socialist Romanistan.

That means that the Vikings are in firm control over Group 11 as they remain undefeated. TnUI is also undefeated but has been pushed hard in three of the four matches thus far. Ourselves and One Red Dot look to be ready to fight it out for third place in the group. But we expected that from the very beginning.

Archregimancy Watch:
1-0 over a squad like Demot is hardly what the Monks should be happy about. But after WC29 I believe they will enjoy every point they can get this time around.

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Sea Dragons Continue Solid Play Against Harlesburg

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea where earlier today the Sea Dragons rolled up a nice 3-0 win over Harlesburg and claimed the top spot in Group 12 in the process.

The match was yet another success for the aging Sea Dragons who desperately would love to see more than just the first round of the World Cup proper this time around. And has become the norm for ASMV, the defense led the way. With new superstar Genesis Galluccio combined with the ever-feared Micah Swift, the vaunted defense again rose to the occasion and helped keeper Shaun Conarky preserve the third clean sheet thus far for the Sea Dragons.

Evan Evans, Porche Alexander, and Pablo Iglesias all played like they were supposed to be the stars they are but Jenni Ulrich gave way early to Khyber Allosindir who played very well in her first extended action with the national side.

Evan Evans would score a rare goal in the 18th minute as Alexander’s shot careened off the top bar and found him in full stride. The Harlesburg keeper had no chance at the save and the score was quickly 1-0. Allosindir would make her presence known in the 60th minute as her long pass to Iglesias set up the second ASMV score of the day. And it would be Leena Draghi who capped things off in the 87th minute of play to give ASMV its 3-0 win.

That means the Sea Dragons now have 10 points on the table and thanks to Green Wombat earning a draw with Magnus Velarius, we are ahead on goal differential. NMS also remembered how to win today with a less than stellar 1-0 victory over unranked Horgate. But a win is a win and NMS will take it as such - and the third spot on the table over Green Wombat by goal differential. Lexington SC pulled the biggest surprise today as they hammered Carvalo 6-0. But as the Cats have just 7 goals in 4 matches even with the 6 today, we do not expect them to keep scoring at that rate.

And speaking of that, Lexington SC is the next opponent for the Sea Dragons. They come calling with that blistering win fresh on their minds. Time to completely erase it and replace it with horrid memories of facing our defense.

Friends Watch
Cuation fell asleep as Olivery crushed them 5-2. Ouch.
Milchama downed Sliponia 1-0
Tadjikistan lost focus and allowed some crazy ox dudes to earn a draw with them 1-1
Ariddia dropped a match to CoH specialist Yafor 2 0-2
D&S earned a tough 2-1 win over One Red Dot.

IT’S…. WORLD CUP TONIGHT
With Basil and Theo

“Basil!”

“Theo!”

“So, who are we playing tonight? Az…. Kaz?”

“No, I believe they’re called Az… erm…. Kiz. Or something like that. Who stole all of the vowels anyway?”

“Say, Basil, what do you call two Az-Czzrs in a bar?”

“I don’t know Theo - what do you call two Az-Czzrs in a bar?”

“Short!”

<two minutes of uproarious laughter follow>

“Anyway, Theo, this should be an easy one. I know our team of porn stars aren’t up to much, but look at the opposition…. Dwarves. Or Gnomes. Or…. Well…. Let’s face it, they’re not UP to much are they!”

<more hilarious laughter>

“You could even say that they’re facing a TALL task”

<and again>

“So let’s go straight to the match…..”

90 MINUTES LATER

“Erm, Basil…. What happened.”

“I think they beat us, Theo.”

“Badly, Basil”

“You can say that again, Theo.”

“Badly, Basil”

“You just said that.”

“But you told me to say it again.”

“Yes, but I didn’t mean for you to actually say it again.”

“Then why did you say it?”

“Say what?”

“The thing that you just said”

“What?”

“No, that other thing....."

<Imperial TV Interrupts this moment of post-modern surrealism to bring you the Az-Cz post-game press conference>



Post Game Press Conference
________________________________________
MC: Congratulations to the team today. There first performance at their Baptism of Fire level. Well done. Joining us today are coach Levesque, Man of the Match Pizelkaxrovsky and hat-trick earner Uz-Gz.

Levesque: Well we had a difficult opponent today but we got the job done. They play a suprisingly mean game of football for non professionals. Of course Curcuaso is a professional player of top level skill.

Az-cz reporter 1: Were you bothered by the unusual tactics of the Alasdair I Frosticus side?

Pizelkaxrovsky: No. I hate to break it to them, but the women on their team are ugly slags. Not to say that I find human women, unnatractive, just that these porn stars are grossly misshapen and abnormal. So that's not gonna do much to get us out of our rhythm.

Az-cz reporter 1: Ugly slags?!? All of them?

Pizelkaxrovsky: Well Totty's ok, but the rest of them, yeah. I feel sorry for the LaRue sisters. That body type is just unfortunate. Nobody needs breasts that big. I don't get why they don't get their regular movie stars, or people who look like that to do their porn. When I watch porn I want the really hot girl next door, not the silicon factory next door, or the tub of lard next door.

MC: Alright. Let's move away from the pornography discussions and back to the football.



<We now return to our regularly scheduled programming>

“’Ugly Slags’? Can you believe it, Basil?”

“Well, Theo, you have to admit that the La Rues are a little, well, top-heavy”

“Yes, maybe, but ‘Ugly’? I’d do ‘em”

“I suppose you’re right. I’d do ‘em too.”

“Preferably both at the same time”

“Erm, maybe we should change the topic, Theo. Before we get banned from the air again.”

“I suppose so, Basil – let’s go straight to our follow-up show Imperial Panorama Tonight, where Professor John Paphalogiano and Jorge Vatatzes will be discussing Discrimination in Az-Cz society – Can Minority Sentient Humanoids Themselves be Speciesist”

“A fascinating topic, Theo.”

“And Pizelkaxrovsky’s comments will be exhibit A for the prosecution, no doubt….”

Pizelkaxrovsky: I've heard comments that a television program from Alasdair I Frosticus has accused me of being speciest. That is blatantly untrue. I fine plenty of human women attractive and have many non-gnomish friends. I just find the huge breast fake women brand of women gross. A fit athletic woman like Ashley Campbell of Aurendia is a beautiful human woman. If you want to accuse me of valuing physical characteristics in women, go ahead. I do. I like my women to be pretty, but healthy looking. I'm sorry giant breasts do not fit the bill. However this has nothing to do with speciesism and is clearly not an attack on human women in general. It is very specifically an opinion about one very kind of style, which I find to be gross.

Humiliated

<snip>

Dance 2 Revolution

<snip>

System Karela

<snip>

how & wtf?!



OOC: This is how the papers actually printed the article and it is NOT BY ANY MEANS a complaint

First stumble

After winning their first three matches, often by narrow margins, the Rouge-et-Noirs encountered their first stumbling block today, abroad in Yafor 2.

How exactly the Rouge-et-Noirs, renowned for their attacking style of play, had failed to score a single goal against a team ranked fifty-first, was the cause of some embarassment in the Ariddian side. Supporters mentioned the fact this was, in many ways, a new Ariddian team, and stressed that attackers Nam, Dru and Simon had little experience working together. But Ariddian coach Evgheny Melenciuc was not looking for excuses.

“The way we performed today is not acceptable at this level, and won’t happen again,” he stated simply.

Supporters were also displeased when midfielder Wol Eosh was shown a yellow card for taking a free kick too soon. The experienced, West Ariddian-born player looked annoyed, though whether at herself, the referee or both is not known. Nonetheless, the Rouge-et-Noirs congratulated their opponents at the end of the match, maintaining a friendly atmosphere of fair play despite their disappointment.

((OOC-Another cleverly disguised Tynelia RP as i hope to one day be able to sign in again))

((OOC- add Jay Masterson to the penalty kick shootout for Tynelia))

“Hello soccer fans. As you’ve probably just seen Tynelia’s undefeated run in group play has come to an end as Bettia performed just as our resident psychic Dana Lee so accurately predicted and came out on top in a 3-1 victory. This is Tyneliamn Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of World Cup 30 qualifiers and I’m Mike McPhee along with the aforementioned Dana Lee. This loss coupled with another Starblaydia dominating effort drops Tynelia to third with nine points, trailing Bettia on goal differential and three points behind the number one team in the world going into our head to head battle.”

“I don’t know if I’d call myself psychic Mike. It just looked like the signs were in favor of another Bettia win, especially at home. On the positive side though Tynelia finally broke into the scoring column against Bettia and this might help the team’s confidence when they come to Tynelia in the second half. This loss does put a bit more pressure on getting points somehow against Starblaydia next to make sure the team does drop any further behind and to keep ahead of Nikea and Awal KB who lurk only three points behind us now.”

“A good point Dana, this might very well be the first time in Tynelia’s history where they have scored in four straight matches. Of course with Starblaydia up this scoring run could very well come to an end as Starblaydia has yet to allow a goal yet in group play. Well, I many never get to use a line like this again but I just have to say it. Can Starblaydia’s defense shut down the Tynelia attack?”

“You’re right Mike, I don’t think you’ll ever be using that one again. And I also don’t think Starblaydia is overly worried about our offense. I wouldn’t be surprised if some Starblaydian experts are advocating sending out the second string for this match given the chances their media gave us before this thing started. The real question is how well Amy Whiteworth can bounce back after another average performance. If she doesn’t raise her game to the A level against the number one team in the world this won’t be pretty. As it stands I think Tynelia will have to play the perfect match to have any chance of taking points out of this match.”

“You’re probably right about that Dana, but who would have thought we’d be talking about a Tynelia offense that hasn’t been shut out yet after four matches. If you were a gambler you’d probably be a rich woman right now playing that one. As for the Bettia match. The home team started out strong with a quick goal 18 minutes into the match before jay Masterson managed to tie things up t the 41 minute mark sending the teams to the locker room all even at 1-1 at the half. Unfortunately it seems Masterson’s goal gave the Bettia coach something to yell at his team about or worse, woke up the home squad who certainly didn’t want to leave any points at the table at home. By the 65th minute Bettia had scored twice and the rest was history completing Tynelia’s 3-1 defeat.”

“It was still a promising sign that the team managed to stay even through halftime though Mike. Hopefully they will take that positive to Starblaydia next.”

“Well we can hope so and for someone who has a better idea than we do here’s Coach Billington via satellite. Hello Coach today was a tough one for you wasn’t it?”

<Billington appears on screen>

“Sure looked that way Mike. First half was solid after we settled down once that early goal was knocked in. We pushed the pace the rest of the half from that point. I was getting a bit excited when Jay tied things up for us but Bettia came out in another gear the first twenty minutes of the second half and put this thing out of reach. At least we finally knocked one past their keeper. Would have started to get embarrassing if we were shut out three times in a row against these guys.”

“So what are you taking from the match when you face the top team in the world next Coach?”

“Well we’re talking two different styles here Dana, Bettia is attack first, second, third and last so it’s like going up against a tornado of offense. Starblaydia however pays more attention on defense even though they like to attack too. Of course being number one in the world they’re running like a fine oiled machine now after their matchday one blip. I expect this one to be a bit closer than people think it will but it will be a huge challenge for us no matter what.”

“Is this a must win match to keep the team’s qualification chances alive?”

“As far as I’m concerned every match is a must win Mike, because if you keep winning you advance. So far we’ve done well winning the matches we’re supposed to but now we need to try to steal something in the three remaining matches with Starblaydia and Bettia or we’ll at best be sitting at home watching the Cup again after finishing third. Either that or hope one of them stumbles against the bottom teams and lets us catch back up. A loss would certainly be a big blow but remember Bettia would only be at most three points ahead at this point so we’re not done for by any means.”

“OK Coach that’s all the time we have right now. Thanks for joining us.”

“No problem Mike.”

<Billington’s image fades but before Mike can speak Dana pre-empts him>

“I think Coach Billington is downplaying this one Mike. Sure there is a lot of time to go win or lose here but most if not all of the experts feel that Bettia and Starblaydia are locks in this group meaning it is highly unlikely that any team ranked below us has a serious chance of knocking either one of them off. Tynelia must do something here or their chances of moving on will really be hurting. Just look at the numbers. The difference between Tynelia and Starblaydia the third and first seeds is a whopping 49 ranks. Only in group 13 at 41 is there another group that even breaks a 40 rank difference. Clearly this is the most top friendly group in qualification so Tynelia is probably the only team that will be able to help themselves move on here.”

“I didn’t notice that but you’re right Dana. It will be extremely tough to break into the big two despite our fast start before running into Bettia. Of course had the team not started out 3-0-0 we’d be talking about our CoH chances already instead of hanging on to World Cup hopes. So what do you think Dana, can Tynelia get the job done here? And before you pick based on your accuracy last time try to pick a Tynelia win here.”

<Dana chuckles>

“I’m afraid I can’t see that happening Mike, especially on the road. I think the team’s best chance will be in the second half playing at home when teams are a bit more tired and banged up than at this point that upsets are a bit more likely. I think Starblaydia will have a comfortable win here but I’ll be bold and say that we will end their shutout run. Like the Bettia match I’ll call a 3-1 Starblaydia win here Mike. Not what any of us want but you can’t bet against #1 at this point.”

“I suppose you have a good point. You can predict one team to beat another until they step up and show everyone that they can first stay with them and keep things close. Tynelia has however managed to score against Starblaydia in the DI five years ago by the same 3-1 score Dana predicted but that wasn’t the World Cup championship team playing for Starblaydia that day.”

“But it is a bit of a springboard that may help the team get past the Starblaydia shutout streak so far knowing they’ve scored against them in the past.”

“We’ll find out soon enough Dana. Tynelia v. Starblaydia on TSW live and we’ll of course be here afterwards to go over the match and its ramifications. Until then I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

Feature interview from the Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery) Evening Gazette.

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ERRINUNDERA CAPTAIN INSPIRES CELEBRATIONS AT THE CAVERN

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Mount Ellery’s keok: confident of the future

There is a buzz in the great halls and caverns of Mount Ellery. The Errinundrian national football team is coming back for the first time in 84 years. Yes, comrades, you read correctly. 84 years. Few of us now alive had been born when a potoroo team last flitted across the field here.

Sadly, the classical age of Errinundrian football now resides in the dimly remembered past. But there are some who wish to re-kindle the flame. Among them is our very own keok (pictured above) who is captain of the national side. By the time this edition goes to press* she will have led the team against the visiting Lowland Clans onto our very own arena – The Cavern. The whole nation, and this underground city in particular, will be wishing them all the best.

In a hectic schedule, keok has managed to give us a few moments of her time so we got straight to the point.

MEEG: Are you any good?

keok: We’re talking football here? (Laughs.) I’m ok. There’s some real potential in the younger members of the side, though. Players like denticulatae, matherosperma, addicksonia, rosaniel and lovef are young but immensely gifted. If the EFA’s commitment to a national side is maintained then the future is rosy. Although we have only won 1 out of 3 so far we have been competitive in every game, even against the world number 5 side.

MEEG: Rivals from the classical era, Liverpool England. What is the team aiming for in this World Cup?

keok: To break into the top 100 in the rankings. That sound’s easy but it’s devilishly hard. The current ranking system heavily favours the current highly ranked sides. (Laughs.) I know that sounds a bit Irish but the World Cup Committee has designed a competition that might be discouraging for new or weaker teams. Not for us though.

MEEG: You mention the Irish there? I can hear a trace of brogue in your voice.

keok: To be sure. Mount Ellery was supposedly settled by the Irish. That was hundreds of years ago. There are one or two other places in Errinundera where an Irish lilt can be heard. Anyway, why are you asking me? Your name is colmbrereton.

MEEG: Anyway, tomorrow’s big match and the ongoing celebrations. You’ve been involved in the planning committee.

keok: A sort of roaming ambassador and MC. Since returning from the Heartland I’ve been helping out with the events associated with the return of international football to Mount Ellery. There's opera – “The Defenestration of Milosis”; the Mount Ellery Erotic Dance Company; and the Classical Music season featuring the music of Johann Sebastian Bach; Dmitri Shostakovich, King Crimson, Velvet Underground and the Flaming Lips – all these have been performed to sell-out crowds in the nights leading up to the match. Tonight it’s the play, “Who killed Joe McCarthy?” To top it off I’ve been involved with the welcoming committee for the visiting team – The Lowland Clans.

MEEG: You look tired.

keok: I am tired. I am weary. I could sleep for a thousand years. But for all tomorrow's parties I'll be fit and ready to play.

MEEG: You are the only player from the WC26 qualifiers still in the team. How bad was that campaign?

keok: No. That’s not quite true. lúthient also played in those qualifiers as a substitute goalie. I think she had 2 games from memory. The campaign… Well, we won three matches – which may be more than we manage this time around. But the atmosphere was poisonous. It was a privately run campaign. I think the owners of the franchise were called Immenosion Ltd or something like that. They thought they could make a profit from product endorsements and television rights. Errinundrians couldn’t identify with that sort of philosophy and refused to buy the toys or the televisions. By the halfway mark of the series the franchisees had lost interest themselves. The company headquarters were torched. (Laughs.) We ended up having to pay our own way. I recall that our current coach, withare, refused to sign up for the series even though he was the number one player in Errinundera at the time. He ended up with a lot of credibility, unlike some others of us.

MEEG: And the atmosphere this time around?

keok: Sensational. Tomorrow’s going to be a celebration of football in Errinundera.

MEEG: Finally, what do you think of the furore over Rodger River naming it’s sacred tree after longipesp – your predecessor as captain of the potoroos many years ago?

keok: The name still has to be approved by the Sacred Tree Registry in Goongerah and even then the result could be appealed to the national parliament but, hey, I’d be tinkled pink to have a Mount Ellery rock** named after me.

MEEG: Thanks for your time and patience.

keok: For you almost anything.


*As we go to print we have learnt that Errinundera went down 4-nil to The Lowland Clans in a very uncompetitive display. keok had a lacklustre game and was substituted shortly after the break. During the second half she was photographed asleep in the players’ dugout.

**The city of Mount Ellery is entirely underground, including its stadium, The Cavern.

"Welcome viewers, to Sportsweekend, your weekly update on Tadjik football and other sportsnew, I am your host Simon Orlitsa and I have not one but two guests today. Saidomir Saradov, assistent coach of the national team and our first citizens, President Alxander Kolchak."
"Welcome to the studio Mi President, Thank you for accepting our invitation."

Kolchak: "I know what this will be about and I wouldnt want miss it. I cant have this kind of fun at work."

Orlista: "Fun? The Raging Penguin government took our petition very serious."

Saradov: "Their citizens laugh at it."

Kolchak: " Offcourse they laugh at it, You never asked my support and the TNFF still has to make its stance on the matter public. But its fun to see how their weak government got caught up in the situation and is about to be removed from office by one of the raghead-rebelgroups that control that chaotic nation. And all that with a petition to get their criminals back into prison? Hilarious!"

Orlista: " Their press has used the petition to throw some trash at us, calling us 'garlic eating freaks' or 'pesky towel-heads'."

Kolchak: "Where do they get all that crap from? We dont were towels on our heads, even that minority of muslims doesnt do that. We dont eat much garlic either and the only camels in Tadjikistan can be found in the zoo and even those were imported from other zoo's. But what else should you expect from birds that cant even fly?"

Orlitsa: "In the meantime, we have yet to succeed in resolving this issue."

Kolchak: "Actually its simple, we'll look up a list of players who have also served during the civil war, I know there are a couple who have participated in the Khujand massacre. massmurderers and criminals with a military background formed into a team, thats'll teach them to fool around on a World Cup."

Saradov: "But thats exactly the kind of misbehaviour that we're are fighting."

Kolchak: "Fight the enemy with his own weapons, thats the only option. And the only thing we can lose are qualification points. What are we waiting for?"

Saradov: And what if our coach refuses to cooperate?"

Kolchak: "I'm the fuçking president, He'll do exactly what I tell him too."

Orlitsa: "Should we arm our players?"

Kolchak: "What kind of question is that? Offcourse we're gonna arm them, we have enough weaponry stocked up to fight a world war."

Orlista: "That will get bloody, not my style. Luckily, we have good games such as Qazox - Tadjikistan, played yesterday. The Tigers came home from Qazox with only one point from a 1-1 tie. Both goals were scored in a sensational first half. Neither team could finish it of in the second half."
"Saidomir, are you dissapointed."

Saradov: "Offcourse, we wanted to win, but we faced one of the stronger sides in group 7 on their soil. It wasnt easy."

Orlitsa: "I had the impression that the Tigers werent playing at 100%."

Saradov: "True and that with one of the most expensive forward lines in the World Cup. As usual, its the defense thats the weak spot."

Orlitsa: "Maybe its time to shift to a new style, 4-4-2 maybe?"

Saradov: "We've discussed it, it would require extra training to get the team function in this new style. 3-4-3 is a Tadjik tradition, you know"

Kolchak: "Fuçk traditions, you need to modernize. In fact, I'll use my power as president to make you modernize!"

Orlitsa: "clear language"
"But we'll need more than a new style to win in Commerce Heights."

Saradov: "Its an away game and always difficult to win, but we'll do our best to bring the full three points back to Dushanbe. Though in this case, we should not be ashame to tie to them as we did in Qazox."

Orlitsa: "We did not lose, thats true and I hope we dont lose in Commerce Heights. Would you like to make a prediction?"

Saradov: "1-1"

Kolchak: "We are the best team in group 7, so we'll win, but nice as we are we'll do it with the smallest possible difference 0-1 for the Tadjiks."

Orlitsa: "We'll write them down and see after the game who was right."
"Thats it for tonight, I thank my guests for being here, especially our president, Was it fun?"

Kolchak: "Offcourse it was, I got to swear on TV and laugh at an underdeveloped dumpster that some call a nation."

MD1: Tadjikistan - Raging Pengiuns W 2-1
MD2: The Doja - Tadjikistan W 0-2
MD3: Tadjikistan - Toranat W 3-1
MD4: Qazox - Tadjikistan T 1-1
MD5: Commerce Heights - Tadjikistan
MD6: Tadjikistan - Swilatia
MD7: The Mice of Miceland - Tadjikistan
MD8: Raging Pengiuns - Tadjikistan
MD9: Tadjikistan - The Doja
MD10: Toranat - Tadjikistan
MD11: Tadjikistan _ Qazox
MD12: Tadjikistan - Commerce Heights
MD13: Swilatia - Tadjikistan
MD14: Tadjikistan - The Mice of Miceland

Tadjik Topscorers
Tulberdiev - 3
Zyrianov - 3
Chernoburov - 1
Elisarov - 1

If you find them offensive, I offer my apologies for the f**ks. They're part of the 'President Kolchak character'.

Manager Jody Shawl relaxed in his office. Unlike the BoF, he was able to concentrate soley on the football this time, and was grateful. Despite their last 3-0 loss, Winchestia were still a respectable 5th in the table. The team seemed to be getting along like a normal team should. The Human Party has disappeared, and the image of Winchestia seemed to be growing around the world. Shawl, for the first time as Manager, was happy. He started reviewing game tapes of the latest WPL action as well as the opponents the next day Errinundera. He decided then to fill out the team sheet:

Seruss -- Cam, Pop, Tinely, Billoit -- Bodle, Hartney, Pavin (c, fk), Melland -- Duman, Marayan (pen)

At that moment there was a knock on the door:

"Letter for you Manager"

"Many thanks, here's a tip."

Shawl sat down to read the registered letter from the chairmen of the WPL clubs.

Manager Shawl,

We are writing to inform you that your current contract with us is up. While you hhave overseen some great results, 2nd in the BoF qualifying group, and a run to the quarter finals, we here are not impressed. It is, therefore, our duty to inform you that should we not have 8 points by the time of the System Karela friendly, you will be sacked.

Have a nice day,

The Chairmen of the WPL


Jody Shawl's day just got a whole lot worse.....

I'm Barry Wentworth here with FFSA Coach Charles DuPont, interviewing him about the match against Iansisle. Mr DuPont, what do you think enabled Sel Appa to scrape out a win?

DuPont: I really think we have what we need to go far. We put together a great team that works together very well.

Barry: And what of ESTEVEZ's two goals?

DuPont: Well, yes ESTEVEZ is a superb scorer. He did manage to send in two goals during the match that enabled an equalizer and a win, all in the second half. He truly has magic feet.

Barry: How about Iansisle's first draw of blood?

DuPont: That did put a little fear in us, but the team rallied together by second half and put a huge attack down the pitch. You might recall the defender APPLE Bernard even taking part.

Barry: Yes, well thanks for the interview.

DuPont: No problem.

Elven Times
Marauders Fall Again

Another dissapointing result for the navy and black, but at least this time the loss could be forseen. Playing a team with a higher rankings, and who had been doing quite well in the tournament thus far. Yet for all the excuses we have to lose, our team was in the game for the duration of it, and could of easily won had the ball bounced their way.

Cuellar put the team ahead in the 37th minute off a sweet pass from Zacharius. The keep was screened, and never saw the ball come flying from the corner and into the back of the netting. However the Caesareans would answer right back with a goal by Toledo in the 44th minute. Then in the 68th minute the ref awarded a penalty to the Caesarea side when Titenburg and Salmerón both went up for a cross, but the ref said Dwier elbowed Salmerón. The forward lined up the penalty and just did beat St. Louis in the right corner.

Now the team has to somehow bring their morale up. It's easier to say than do, espicially with loss after loss after loss. But if the team has any hope of not just making the CoH, they will find their resolve and take the fight to their oppenents, and prove that four years ago was no fluke.

Article by Ron Santapa

Elven Security Forces 1 Northern Caesarea 2

25. Franco ****

2. Martínez ***
21. Perea *****
3. Sergi ***

8. Álava ****
19. Gabi * => 16. De la Rosa (m.66)
6. Llano *****
24. Cafranga *****

7. Maragall * =>23. Salmerón (m.60)
20. Toledo *
9. Álvarez *


0 St. Louis ***

12 Titenburg 0
18 Kries 0
17 Walker *
13 Hardsworth *

9 Stone 0
22 Cuellar **
24 Swent *
32 Tatum ***

7 Night **
8 Zacharius ****

The crack
Llano
He made an impressive match, leading the offensive game of the team and, after the entry of De la Rosa, the defensive one, with the same level of excellence.

The dandy
Perea
A wall for both Night and Zacharius. He controlled both players perfectly, without commiting a single fault.

The tough guy
Álvarez
The Dinamo Sanjuan top striker is not distinguishing himself for his spectacular goals in WC30. In this match, he has hidden his technical defaults by a symphony or kicks and bad tackles.

Not his day
Titenburg
Unable to stop Álava, Llano and Cafranga lethal attacks, he signed his team defeat with a penalty over Salmerón, who scored the definitive 1-2.

Mar Sara-The Tricolores had proved that they have the right attitude to join the world football elite. After tying a difficult match against Sarzonia, Northern Caesarea managed to win an important match against Elves Security Forces, a direct rival for qualification, as a visitor.

The match didn't begun well for the Tricolor Fury, as Cuellar put ahead the "Navy and Black" after a wonderful pass by Zacharius, by far the best man of his team (m.37).

Seven minutes later, Toledo took a ball from Kries and scored the 1-1. After the halftime, the Tricolores played with ambition and had scores of opportunities, but the decisive one came at m.68, after Titenburg elbowed Salmerón in a jump. The referee had no doubt: penalty, scored by Salmerón himself.

Cuation Slumbers To Defeat

How much difference a half can make, at half time Cuation had cruised to a two goal lead and his changes in the starting line up looked brilliant, Cuation taking second place in the group as the fans sang themselves horse. At the end of the game, Cuation where 5-2 down, struggling in third place, team weakened by the changes and the fans sobbing.

The surprise 2-0 lead away against the Oliverry was good to see, we countered well and defended, for the most part, well but where facing such a skilled attack. It is hardly a shame to lose to such a great team and Milchama will lose points somewhere down the line.

A 5-4-1 formation consisted of Gary Jens: Neville, Neville, Yan, Cheese, Hargreves: Giovanni, Anderton, Milnar, Fallen: Lu Fei.

Gary Jens vs. Jude.

Jude will no doubt get his place back, Gary Jens looked like he lacked match fitness but produced three world class saves when Jérôme Larocque then William Jones and lastly Julien Dionne got clear. His experience was vital at times, reassuring the defence and certainly quicker off the marker then Jude.

However he was responsible for the first goal and third goal, Nathan Miller's hard low shot was straight at him but Jens spilled it at the feet of Jérôme Larocque in the 46th minute to give the home team the scent of a wounded team.

In the 50th minute, he showed his inability with crosses, coming for Hunt's cross but missing it, allowing William Jones to head into the empty net despite the presence of Cheese.

Butcher vs. Neville

Butcher is a quality left back, he is good at defending and going forward but can be rash, still he will get his first team place back after Neville was tormented throughout. Gary Neville was unlucky to be on the wrong flank and facing such a skilled winger but it does reinforce the idea of getting a more versatile defender into the squad.

For the equaliser, it was humiliating to see Neville nut mugged, shimmied and all sorts by Antoine Larocque, who cut inside a little more, burst past Yan and rising shot beat the helpless Gary Jens in the 48th minute.

Hargreves vs. Samba

Hargreves was more energetic then Samba has ever been but was he was a liability as always, it may have been better to have Hargreves in that holding role and instructed to stay there. In defence, he can get in the way and be exposed without anyone to cover so Samba will get his place back.

Hargeves was unlucky for the fourth goal, doing brilliantly at a corner to block Noah Hill's 67th minute header on the line but the rebound fell kindly to Tristan Cloutier . In the 70th minute, the game was over when Hargreves over hit his back pass to score an own goal.

Midfield Changes

Too attacking, when the first half was going Cuation's way, they all flourished but when needed to defend, only Anderton put in a decent performance, helping out G.Neville as best as he could. A holding player is needed to give Fallen freedom to get forward but still they should be praised for the two goals they scored.

In the 15th minute, a fine passing move found Anderton on the left, his cross evaded both Lu Fei and the defenders, the ball falling to Giovanni, flicking the ball over his marker, he volleyed the ball over L’Heureux to give his side a shock lead.

Cuation scored against in the 30th minute, Giovanni having too much room to pick out a player, finding the unlucky Lu Fei, his header hitting the inside of the post and rolling out to Anderton, the striker turned winger slipping as he shot, the ball thudding in off the bar.

Alif Laam Miim Too Feel Wrath?

A potential upset as the dropped Cuation players return to the line up, point made to all. They face struggling Alif Laam Miim, only a point so far which leaves them just off the bottom, Cuation must not only win but win well to show everyone that they can claw back the five point gap.

Samba will act as the holding player in a 4-4-2 to counter Al Mansur while Cuation will have to get past Al Baqir so they may try the wings. It will be important to keep a clean sheet and hopefully Lu Fei can break his current drought of goals.

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 3__________0 - The Weegies http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/theweegies.gif


ANOTHER WIN MAKES FOUR
Khalef And Metallarius Pile On Points


THE WEEGIES (JNS) - Razak Khalef scored twice in five minutes, and Cyrinus Metellarius scored his first career international goal to power the Black Cats to their fourth straight victory in World Cup qualifying.

The Becquerelian defense played another solid game, holding The Weegies to only seven shots, but they did lose Ambrose Wainwright to a red card.

"He plays rough football. These things happen," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini after the game. "I'm more happy about the result than unhappy about Wainwright. I'm sure the forward he took down is just fine."

The big surprise was Cyrinus Metellarius, who was only seeing action is his second game of qualifying. He would have his first goal earlier, but it was negated by a offsides call in the 82nd minute.

"That was an annoyance, I'll tell you that," said Metallarius after the game. "I thought it was a clean goal. But if I didn't get the first one, I was determined to get the second one, and I got that one clean."

Becquerelia will play Sativaville next. The former Baptism of Fire winners are
currently a surprising fourth place in Group Four.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia (4-0-0) at Sativaville (3-0-1)
MD06: Squornshelous (4-0-0) at Becquerelia (4-0-0)
MD07: Becquerelia (4-0-0) at Vilita (4-0-0)
MD08: Becquerelia (4-0-0) at Kericia (1-0-3)
MD09: Sashonska (0-0-4) at Becquerelia (4-0-0)
MD10: Becquerelia (4-0-0) at Uncle Pete (0-0-4)
MD11: The Weegies (0-0-4) at Becquerelia (4-0-0)
MD12: Sativaville (3-0-1) at Becquerelia (4-0-0)
MD13: Becquerelia (4-0-0) at Squornshelous (4-0-0)
MD14: Vilita (4-0-0) at Becquerelia (4-0-0)

Goal Scorers

Zikan - 3
Gregory Conveniencia - 2
Razak Khalef - 2
Niceaus Annunziata - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1

OOC - Some idiot contractor cut my phone lines so posting at work ...

* Funky theme song *

Rachel: I'm Paris Hilton
Dazza: I'm Nichol Richie
Rachel: Actually I'm Rachel Kool
Dazza: And I'm Dazza Dallas
BOTH: This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE

Rachel: You're wondering why Dazza doesn't look terribly happy. Well, there's always a reason.
Dazza: Something to with today's game (grumble)
Rachel: OK, Wentland beat Jeruselem 3-2. Dazza hates losing - that's why she's a little grumpy. So I'm have to cover the result. The Wentland team bounced back from their loss back to their 4 goal best form of before. They quadripled Jeruselem's against record adding three goals to show they have a lot of improvement to show from last game. Jeruselem didn't exactly lie down and give up either, scoring two goals but that wasn't enough to get any points of Wentland. An upset, not really as Wentland have beaten top 15 teams before in the past. It's what happens towards the end of qualifying which is their main issue here.

Rachel: Don't panic. Jeruselem have played the best teams in this group now. Haven't played some of weaker teams yet. We may only have 7 points but it's still less than half-way. Moving on then! Oh yes, I didn't mention Dazza's goal in the game but we still lost despite that.
Dazza: And the goal called off-side but never mind ... I'll be back as those Liverpool Englanders say

Dazza: Delesa trampled on some, you know
Rachel: Yes. the team The Greatest Crap
Dazza: Delesa just flattened them FOUR NIL
Rachel: Delesa roll on while the crap team sinks to the bottom
Dazza: Bad joke!
Rachel: I know

Dazza: The French team won once again
Rachel: They did play Marion Oaks 2, who still haven't got a point like that other team
Dazza: Oakies did score a goal, but still lost to Marceau State 1-3
Rachel: The rank of those low teams reflect on their current form and ability, can't buy a point
Dazza: Exactly, you have to earn it

Rachel: Cataduanes had a tricky game and got all the points
Dazza: The Islanders from United Island Empires out up one big fight before going down 1-2
Rachel: Islands showed some fight and the Cataduanes had to earn the points the old fashioned way
Dazza: That's why we watch football! Excitement, competition and random thrashings of teams by Jeruselem
Rachel: Wentland are good at that too, with a speed bumps added for fun

Dazza: I gotta get me Lion man!
Rachel: Of course, she's talking about those super Nedalian Lions
Dazza: Nebuleux lost to Lions 1-3. GO LIONS
Rachel: Another win for the Lions, yes, no longer pussy cats - they are big tough Lions with two foot teeth
Dazza: Sabre-tooths Lions that is

Rachel: We do get carried away
Dazza: That's our job to entertain the people! Or we talk far too much crap!

Rachel: And now the team with big hockey sticks.
Dazza: They had a day off, with a rather dul NIL ALL draw with Palixia
Rachel: They are on and off lately, a bit like us and even Wentland
Dazza: Only 4 games in, it's what you do at the end that matters.

Rachel: And the mighty Yaforites! OK, not real affilities but he have one of our ex-Coaches running the show over there in Yafor 2
Dazza: Undefeated actually and another win
Rachel: Not just any old team, the group leader Arridia!
Dazza: Yes, Arridia got beat 2-0
Rachel: They look like they can maybe just do it
Dazza: Oh yeah if they keep at it. Now it's my favourite time

Rachel: Yes, it's when we talk more crap. Rant time
Dazza: Now, I get of these emails. How does one like cover up all those soccer bruises and still look good on TV?
Rachel: I don't have that problem
Dazza: Well, apart from having a fantastic make-up artist like Emmanuel around but most can't afford one. Hehe
Rachel: Simple - keep up the clean organic good and additional vitamins to keep the skin healthy
Dazza: And natural skin care products too

Rachel: Thats it
Dazza: See you all tomorrow when Jeruselem get back on track with a win, that's my spin on things
Rachel: You gotta give a win to someone, what better than Wentland. Good people they are
Dazza: And take one back the 2nd time

Group 8
United Island Empires 1 - 2 Cataduanes
Wentland 3 - 2 Jeruselem
Delesa 4 - 0 The Greatest Crap
Marion Oaks 2 1 - 3 Marceau State

Group 9
Yafor 2 2 - 0 Ariddia

Group 10
Hockey Canada 0 - 0 Palixia

Group 13
Nebuleux 1 - 3 Nedalia

Demot Daily ~ Small Slip

Well it was bound to happen, and sure enough it did. The squad actually lost a match, but to worthy oppenents in The Archregimancy at their stadium. The team played well and the game surely should of ended in a scoreless draw, but for some divine intervention, it did not. In an even cookier twist, the team was forced to play in an uniform that was supposed to be a joke exchange. Frontson will explain.

"Well you see, when we got wind we would be playing those crazy Orthodox monks, the team was all, "Lets do something crazy for the match." So we all got these dark red uniforms that we were going to give them after the match. It was supposed to be a joke you know, with red being the sign of demons and the devil. But due to kit clashings we ended up having to actually wear the uniforms."

As for the game itself. It seemed to be a match up of two staunch defences who refused to yield to the attackers. Try as they might, the attacking trio of Frontson, Black, and Ysman could not shake their defenders. In the end, only taking three shots on goal does do some justice to the 1-0 scoreline. Constantine and Nicholas both shut down our forwards quite well, and are likely the reason why our aggressive attack was denied. Hostra, Lucas, and Gooden however were anchors on the back line for us, and it looked as if they were going to be an inprentrable steel wall. Yet the monks began long range attacks that began to wear down the aging Whitehurse. This allowed the fluke goal in the 76th minute and downed the hopes of stealing a point on the visit.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Humiliated

<snip>

Dance 2 Revolution

<snip>

System Karela

<snip>

how & wtf?!


Dear reporter,

we at the temple of Karela want to explain to you what happened. Since we read your detailled article about the match, we will try to remain in the same style:

System Karela did play Dance2Revolution @Offshore Arena. D2R had no defense, System Karela had. D2R conceded, System Karela didn't. D2R had attack, System Karela had no attack but scored. We learn: attack: inferior, defense supreme!

or for those, able to read entire sentences:
The System Karela National team played against the Dance 2 Revolution national team at the Offshore Arena which is far enough from the shore of System Karela so the takilans enery of the Dance 2 Revolution team could not affect mainland System Karela. The Karelans started defending from the beginning, the match started and they never left their half in the first half of the match. Foreign fans who were unenlightened booed until va'karela'ny ended this insult on defense. The Dance 2 Revolution team was unable to cope with the 10 defenders. This clearly shows that attack is inferior. In the middle of the second half, Andreas Pfeffer suddenly did the unthinkable: When he had the ball, he just kept going, skillfully outplaying the D2R "defenders" and lifted the ball over the D2R goalie, who fell asleep inside his goal.The coach did the only possible thing and substituted him out. Misha Filimonov replaced the misled takilan before he could do any more damage. From then on, the Karelans defended the lead fiercely. Dance 2 Revolution could not handle this fearsome defense and goalie Teke Veran never really was challenged.

System Karela 1 (Pfeffer 66th) - Dance2Revolution 0

Konigseifert Chronicle
Brutal Game Ends in Brutal Defeat
Captain injured, and 3 sent off in 5-0 romp by Rejistania

In what can be considered an all around ugly game for the Golden Eagles, Geisenfried lost handedly to Rejistania. And when we say lost handedly, we mean they got crushed. 5-0, to be exact. How? The stunning 3 red cards earned by Geisenfried players is probably the best explanation, as playing down 8-11 isn't the most enviable position. And with two of the red cards being in the box and thus set up penalty kicks, you can only imagine how painful it was for the team.

The game began rather tepidly, until around a quarter hour in, the Rejistanian offense made a break, and Syku Lyku managed to send a ball past Ackermann to make the score 1-0 in favor of Rejistania. After that, it began getting much uglier. Towards the 30th minute, Lyku I Sil of Rejistania made a break, with only sweeper Sigmund Duhring in between him and Ackermann. A horribly timed tackle in the box by Duhring landed him a red and Lyku I Sil a penalty kick, that got sent in to make it 2-0. Around 10 minutes later, when Rejistania had a corner kick, Syku Lyku battled with Steinhager for position, which ended when Steinhager elbowed Syku in the gut. Syku Lyku left the game clutching his abdomen, Steinhager left with Geisenfried's second red. Syku Lyku's replacement, also conviently named Syku Lyku, took the penalty kick and made it 3-0 in Rejistania's favor. When the second half began, the Geisenfried team added in a defender in order to make up for the two who had already been kicked out. But two men down proved too tough for Geisenfried, and Lyku I Sil put in another one to make it 4-0. Around the 70th minute, Samuel Wolfe of Geisenfried looked to change Geisenfried's fortune at least slightly, but was taken by the Rejistanian defender Mesit Inkil. Wolfe went down, but Inkil only got a foul. Georg Canitz protested, with some obviously choice words, as he got the third red only moments later. The team managed to fight it out down three people for a while, but Lyku I Sil managed to complete a hat trick with a third goal in the 84th, completing the 5-0 rout.

Geisenfried 0
Rejistania 5
Syku Lyku (7) 13' (REJ), Lyku I Sil 27' (PK) (REJ), Syku Lyku (20) 39' (PK) (REJ), Lyku I Sil 52' (REJ), Lyku I Sil 84' (REJ)
Duhring (Red) 27', Steinhager (Red) 39', Canitz (Red) 67'
Wagner (MF) -> Fraas (DF) 45', Wolfe (ST) -> Kleihm (ST) 67', Baehr (MF) -> Kander (ST) 67'
Formation change from 4-5-1 to 3-5-1 in 27th minute
Formation change from 3-5-1 to 2-5-1 in 39th minute
Formation change from 2-5-1 to 3-4-1 in 45th minute
Formation change from 3-4-1 to 3-2-2 in 67th minute

Team doctors say Wolfe should be fine, but Hancock is taking precautions and has announced Wolfe will be benched for Bazalonia but will be back for Ropa-Topia. Also, all three players who were sent off will be suspended for the game as per team policy, meaning 4 different starters will suit up for Geisenfried in their next game against Bazalonia. We can only hope that it won't affect the team's performance too horribly much.

Starters against Bazalonia:
GK Kurt Ackermann
SW Walter Fraas
LD Johann Klintzsch
RD Matthias Klintzsch
CDM Jakob Wagner
LWM Tomas Graf
CM Conrad Kopfgeld
RWM Christoph Schlegel
CAM Leonard Baehr (C)
LF Leon Kander
RF Luis Kleihm

Schedule:
Dance 2 Revolution 1-0 Geisenfried
Geisenfried 1-0 System Karela
Geisenfried 2-0 Champlaign
Rejistania 5-0 Geisenfried
Bazalonia ?-? Geisenfried
Ropa-Topia ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Commerce Heights JSY
Geisenfried ?-? Dance 2 Revolution
System Karela ?-? Geisenfried
Champlaign ?-? Geisenfried
Geisenfried ?-? Rejistania
Geisenfried ?-? Bazalonia
Geisenfried ?-? Ropa-Topia
Commerce Heights JSY ?-? Geisenfried
Home games in Red, Away in Black

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Rejistania 4 4 0 0 13 1 12 12
Bazalonia 4 2 1 1 9 7 2 7
System Karela 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
Geisenfried 4 2 0 2 3 6 -3 6
Ropa-Topia 4 1 2 1 3 2 1 5
Dance 2 Revolution 4 1 2 1 3 3 0 5
Champlaign 4 1 0 3 1 7 -6 3
Commerce Heights JSY 4 0 1 3 2 7 -5 1

FALE make decision known - unprecedented self-suspension announced
The FALE have released a statement that has shocked the nation and the footballing world, announcing a ban on the national team from playing games within Liverpool England for the remainder of the World Cup qualifying campaign. This follows the mayhem that occurred against Errinundera. The Waterway Arena in Schimpol has also been suspended from hosting international club- and nation-level games for two years.

Liverpool England managed to defeat Chicanada and Benlandngo away from home 1-0 and 3-0 to record a 4-0-0 record so far, but this will surely have an impact on the team, who are now expected to play their remaining "home" games in either Spaamanian Plijous, who are also in Group 1, in Spaam, or a neutral country not involved in the World Cup.

The FALE are also reportedly considering playing the team's home matches in the finals host nations of Schiavonia and Qutar, although no approach has been made to either footballing authority, this newspaper understands.

PART THE 14TH


"Freeze right there... If you are who I think you are, then you are not allowed on Krytenian soil." Said the man holding the gun.

"Just who do you think I am?" Replied Paul Mall.

"I think that you're a certain Mr. Mall, who has been sticking his nose into business that is none of his." replied the voice. "My partner and I have no idea how you escaped out of Cuation, but now we've got you and our Boss would like a few words with you before you die."

Paul then drove his fist right into the man's face, who had leaned forwards enough to see it. The man fell to the ground and Paul started to run away, but a blinding flash from in from front of him stopped him in his tracks.

"Stop now or else I'll shoot" yelled a second voice from the darkness. "I have a bead on your head and I'll shoot if I have to."

Paul hesitated for a moment and threw his hands up into the air.

"Good choice, Mr. Mall. " said the second voice. "Wesson, are you allright?" he asked into his communicator.

"Dammit Smith, I got clocked in the jaw with what feels like a 20 pound bag of lead. Just how do you think I feel?" replied Wesson.

Wesson rejoined Smith holding his jaw with his left hand and a clenched right fist. Paul didn't stand a chance as Wesson punched him in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.

"I feel a bit better now..." said Wesson as the two men began to take Paul Mall out of the warehouse.


PART THE 15TH

Great.. Just freaking great. I finally made it to one of the hosts of World Cup 29 and now once agian I'm sitting in the back of a car going who-knows-where, and with a gun at my head. All of this crap I've gone through better be worth it or else I'm gonna punch God right in his face when I die.

{Back In Qazox.... a person is watching video of Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson driving back towards Qazox City with Mr. Mall....}

FINALLY. MR MALL IS CONTAINED. BUT MISTERS SMITH AND WESSON KNOW TOO MUCH OF MY PLAN. THEY MUST BE ELIMNATED AS WELL. AGENT ORANGE. PROCEED WITH PLAN DELTA.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Confusion Reigns Supreme!

The Hell?
Chicanada scores win?

Eastentown - Apparently Yerevan Malli thought it was all done. The NSFA apparently disagreed.

While the OSers were reeling from a agravating nil-all tie in Hiiraan, the NSFA reviewed the match at the behest of someone - not the CFA, since they are too busy fighting with the 4-a-siders over sanctioning the sport - and discovered a rather botched call that denied the away side a goal.

Chicanada had an appaent goal in the 17th minute disallowed due to offsides violations, but the referee team were in disagreement over the call and apparently a linesman filed a protest on the score. The NSFA agreed with the linesman and gave the goal back to Chicanada, resulting in a 1-0 victory that is sure to be controversal for years to come.

Malli, off with the team heading to Benlandngo, was unable to comment but CFA officials were most certainly taken off guard by the change in results but were happy regardless. The new victory moves the OSers into a tie with The Lowland Clans at 7 points in Group 1.

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section: World Cup Qualifying Campaign

Manager Defies Logic, Says Absolutely Nothing, Silence Ensues

ERRINUNDERA - For those not familiar with the Alliance and the political climate around here, to call it conservative would be like calling this rumored 'real life' nation of North Korea to be vaguely socialistic. For first time travelers to Errinundera from the very conservative and capitalistic Alliance, to call it culture shock would be so severe an understatement it's suspected that John Cleese would ask you to repeat it as you have managed to so completely understate the situation, that you actually managed to defy logic and by opening your mouth and making a complete sentence, without actually saying anything. Now before you go yell and scream at us for ignoring all the politicians in the world, we must remind you that in an extremely roundabout way, that they are acutally saying that they take no stand on the issue. Apparently, after about three days of intense study by logicians at universities around the Allied States, it was determed that the phrase, muttered by manager Casey Dellet, was so completely understated, he said absolutely nothing. Logician Damian Alexander was speechless, and his partner Julia Jennings started to say something, but then decided it was wholly inadequate, and then closed her mouth, only to have an introspective look on her face.

When asked about his momentus occation, manager Casey Dellet merely looked at the reporters in surprise. He tried speaking, but then could not. It appears that his statement so completely defied logic it cause a momentary conflagration in the fabric of spacetime, not allowing anyone to speak. But the match had to go on. Using a whiteboard and a blue magic marker, Dellet was able to communicate with his players and the referees, who were also similarly equipped. With crowd at the Cavern completely full, and also completely silent, it was a very strange game. The Stars came out, and though clearly bewildered with the silent nature of the game, were able to use this to there advantage. The Errinundera team clearly was disorganized and unable to contain the Stars attack, which ended up scoring four goals, two in each half.

After the game, the statement appeared to have worn off of it's collective effect on logic, and everyone could speak once more. After a period of deep thought, striker and captain Ryley Bloudin said, "It was quite strange not being able to speak." His phrase is being heralded by logicians as the thought that broke the chain, and with such deep meaning broke the chain, and while many are wondering why exactly it took aproximately 25 hours and 30 minutes for someone to think that, the logicians put the entire nation to sleep with their description.

The Lowland Clans 4-0 Errinundera

Istúriz: What an impressive match you did against Elven Security Forces! Leading the attack and, at the second half, the defenssive game!

Llano: I only had a bit of luck. And gabi was very well covered by Marauders midfielders.

Istúriz: You can't talk about luck! You're a star and I'm a youngster who doesn't even count for the coach.

Llano: Don't worry. I know Pepu Hernández very well and he lover to give chances to all the roster. He wants to try new alternatives for the attack, as we are scoring very poorly.

Pepu Hernández: Hi, boys. These are the lucky ones who are going to play against Allocer. I hope you're going to do your best, as I think we can't fell asleep with them!

25. Franco

2. Martínez
21. Perea
3. Sergi

8. Álava
6. Llano
16. De la Rosa
24. Cafranga

15. Javi
23. Salmerón
14. Istúriz

Called in:

12. Salmón
17. Heredia
18. Zeamendi
19. Gabi
7. Maragall

Istúriz: Wow! I'm in the team!

Here ends the MD4 RP. MD5 scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11585969&postcount=6).

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'World Cup is a hoax'

ISLE OF UHM - This may be shocking news for all the football fans in the Allied States of Ropa-Topia, but the Football World Cup is a hoax. At least, that is the opinion of conspiracy theory expert and former hot dog vendor Gregory Slartibartfast. "Remember that night when that mysterious lever appeared in the middle of the park? When nobody was looking, I pulled that lever," Slartibartfast claims.

"It didn't cause the world to end, but I had a vision of what the world is really like. None of this is real. You, me, we're all figments of someone's imagination. The World Cup isn't real either. It is a hoax; nothing but random numbers." He then proceeded with a demonstration that pigs can indeed fly, but it turned out they were just being flung into the air by a catapult.

Whether Mr. Slartibartfast (who was arrested for cruelty against animals soon after the interview) wants to believe it or not, the Ropa-Topian team did play their fifth match today in the Unity Stadium against System Karela. System Karela scored three times, making this the worst defeat of Ropa-Topia in this tournament so far.

A 0-0 Draw!!

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run. In what was probably the worst game in the history of Quakmybush soccer, the team drew unranked Palixia. The game was very boring with very little action the best chance for Quakmybush coming in the 58th minute when Jon Fields hit the crossbar. Other results in Group 10 were, Hockey Canada 2, Giant Zucchini 1, Bostopia 2, Demot 2, and Ten Thousand Maggots 1, The Archregimancy 4. This draw made Quakmybush slip into 3rd place in their group. The team needs a win in their next game. They will be facing a tough opponent in The Archregimancy.

Group 10 Table

GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy (25) 5 4 0 1 12 13 5 8
Hockey Canada (10) 5 3 2 0 11 10 3 7
Quakmybush (46) 5 3 1 1 10 8 5 3
Demot (142) 5 2 2 1 8 11 5 6
Giant Zucchini (54) 5 2 0 3 6 9 9 0
Bostopia (126) 5 1 1 3 4 8 13 -5
Ten Thousand Maggots (204) 5 1 0 4 3 6 17 -11
Palixia (UR) 5 0 2 3 2 2 10 -8

Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy
at Demot
at Bostopia
Ten Thousand Maggots
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot


Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 4
Cory Sorley 1
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Chris Bricking 1

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Execrable Sports Publication

Waffles Record Record Win

A century-old record came tumbling down at Artanis National Stadium last
night, when Spaam took on the inexperienced nation of Eseck in the fifth
round of qualifiers. Coach Tamsyn Pengelley put together a full strength
team for the start of the match, and it was obvious that the visitors had no
answers to the Waffles' offense. Tehta Trevelyan opened up scoring in the
seventh minute, easily beating Eseck keeper Adrich Richards, and captain
Crewenna Roskelly scored from the same place seven minutes later. The
defense regrouped a bit, but Trevelyan got through against in the 32nd, with
Roskelly doing the same in the fortieth.

With a four goal lead at half time, Pengelley took off some of the most used
players, including Trevelyan, Roskelly, and keeper Feoca Arthur, to give the
rookies some playing time. Seventeen year old Massen Pascoe impressed in
the keeper position, while nineteen year old Jenifer Hoover created some
chances up front. But it was 21 year old Eseld Retallack who made an impact
in the 59th minute, scoring from a Gorran Chegwidden corner. With such
domination, it looked like the Waffles could beat their world cup scoring
record, but Eseck managed to fend off everything that was thrown at them.

With time running out, Eseck finally looked like collapsing on tired legs, and it
was in the final minute that striker Mar'h Menadue finally got the last goal,
when keeper completely missed the ball coming straight towards him. With
six goals, the team beat the century old record for number of goals scored in
a top level international.

Spaam 6 - 0 Eseck
(1 Trevelyan 7, 32; 4 Roskelly 14, 40; 20 Retallack 59; 14 Menadue 92)

Results

Group Five
Tocapa 1 - 7 Krytenia
Vuam and Isma 4 - 0 Peturbed Lepoard
Rorysville 4 - 0 Risa-Aramour

In other matches, the visiting Krytenia decimated Tocapa with a seven goal
haul, with the home team scoring a consolation goal in the last five minutes.
Vuam and Isma came back into form when they continue Peturbed Lepoard's
goal curse, beating them by four goals to none. And Rorysville jumped into
second position when they ended Risa-Aramour's unbeaten run in spectacular
fashion, again by four goals to one

Group One
Errinundera 1 - 1 Winchestia
The Lowland Clans 1 - 0 Spaamanian Plijous

Group Ten
Quakmybush 0 - 0 Palixia

Errinundera and Winchestia came to a one-all draw, while the Lowland Clans
successfully defended against the Gulls, beating them by a solitary first-half
goal. And Quakmybush and Palixia just couldn't convert against each other,
leading the game to a scoreless draw.

Next Week

Next week sees Spaam hosting a team that is yet to score a goal in this
competition, Peturbed Lepoard. With any luck, the Waffles' offense will
ensure that it doesn't end in a nil-all draw. The unranked Eseck will play
Vuam and Isma in match that could go either way with V&I's current
performance, while Krytenia and Rorysville play in a top-of-the-table clash,
that will probably see the home team continue its perfect run. And Tocapa
and Risa-Aramour will play in an important match for the visiting team.

Spaamanian Plijous will be back at home, taking on the winless Benlangngdo,
while Errinundera will take on the winless Hiiraan, with most critics backing
the former world champs. And the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks will be
hosting the Archregimancy, in an exciting match-up, and an important game
for both teams.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 5 0 0 17 3 14 15 85
Rorysville 4 0 1 11 4 7 12 73
Spaam 3 1 1 14 3 11 10 82
Risa-Aramour 3 1 1 9 6 3 10 60
Vuam and Isma 2 0 3 6 7 -1 6 46
Eseck 1 1 3 4 15 -11 4 21
Tocapa 0 1 4 3 14 -11 1 18
Peturbed Lepoard 0 0 5 0 12 -12 0 0

Goal Scorers

5 Tehta Trevelyan (1)
4 Crewenna Roskelly (4)
2 Mar'h Menadue (14)
1 Jenifer Uren (7)
1 Gorran Chegwidden (2)
1 Eseld Retallack (20)

History

01 Spaam 4-0 Rorysville
02 Risa-Aramour 2-2 Spaam
03 Krytenia 1-0 Spaam
04 Tocapa 0-2 Spaam
05 Spaam 6-0 Eseck
06 Spaam vs Peturbed Lepoard
07 Vuam and Isma vs Spaam
08 Rorysville vs Spaam
09 Spaam vs Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam vs Krytenia
11 Spaam vs Tocapa
12 Eseck vs Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard vs Spaam
14 Spaam vs Vuam and Isma

((OOC- look ma i can sign in today!))

“Hello soccer fans. Today concluded a two game run for Tynelia that seems to have justified the expert’s claims that Starblaydia and Bettia will be running away with the group. The number one team in the world demolished Tynelia 4-0 quite easily as nothing could be done offensively for the visitors. Bettia pulled into second alone with a 4-0 dismantling of Wrecker and now Tynelia finds itself tied with both Nikea and our next opponent Awal KB at nine points. I’m Mike McPhee and with me is Dana Lee. This was pretty bad out there today.”

“They are the number one team in the world Mike. While it’s disappointing that Tynelia was so outplayed on the field today they have to remember who it is they were facing. And on their home field no less.”

“Well now the team has to find a way to bounce back against Awal KB and get back on the winning track. After this match Tynelia should find some time to right itself with four straight matches against teams ranked lower than 100th. Hopefully they can build some momentum before Bettia and Starblaydia come to Tynelia for the second half of play.”

“Yes on paper that looks to be the case and the seedings have held up for the most part so far but anything can happen. Just like for instance after five matches so far there has not been one draw in the group, especially one with a team like Tynelia that seems to average a half dozen draws every time out. One thing fans may be worried about though. Tynelia was shut out for the first time and this is the time of group play where the run of four straight shutouts usually occurs. Hopefully the team will not dwell on this as they prepare for Awal KB.”

“Very true and something we should ask our next guest who is here via satellite. Hello Coach Billington.”

<Billington appears on screen>

“Hello Mike and Dana.”

“A real tough one today wasn’t it Coach?”

“Oh certainly this was a disappointing performance today but hey that’s why Starblaydia is number one on the world. We’ll just have to try to put this behind us and move on. No one is going to feel sorry for us that we lost our last two matches by a combined 7-1. We just have to get things going again.”

“Are you worried this shutout will get the team into a scoring funk like has happened in the past Coach?”

“No Dana I don’t, sure many of the players on the team have hit this wall in past Cups but getting shutout by the best team in the world isn’t exactly a shocker. Heck, Bettia’s ranked a lot higher than we are and play much more aggressively and they couldn’t score anything on them either. Still I think Amy needs a break after these facing these two attacks so Jim will be getting the nod in the Awal KB match. He earned the chance to start again after his last outing.”

“So you think the team will be able to recover then?”
“Yes Mike I think we’re not too bad off. We’ve lost against the teams that are way ahead of us but got the job done against the ones below us. We have a few of those lined up next and hopefully the team will feel it has to prove to everyone they aren’t going to roll over and play dead after two tough losses. Who knows, if we take care of things with the lower ranked teams we might still be in contention when these guys come home to play us again.”

“Will the team be relieved to finally have this road trip over with after the next match?”

“You know it Dana, its tough being on the road to begin with and then finding out you’re facing the top three teams besides us all in one trip. This is definitely a killer schedule. Fortunately we’ll get a nice homestand in the second half because of it. This is our hardest stretch of the whole run. If we can finish off with a win then I don’t think the team will be too disappointed.”

“OK Coach, thanks for your time with us today and good luck against Awal KB.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<Billington’s image fades>

“Well hopefully Awal KB doesn’t have a Jacqueline Maitland on their team. Finishing off the hattrick in the 75th minute to close out the scoring was a real exclamation point on Tynelia’s overwhelming loss today.”

“I don’t think that will be the case Mike. Awal KB has a decent attack but Tynelia’s actually outscored them even with the shutout today though their defense is playing a bit better right now.”

“Is this the right play though in starting Jim Michaels over Amy Whiteworth at this point?”

“I think it is, these last two matches have been very difficult and emotionally draining for everyone on the team, especially the keeper knowing that nothing short of perfection was needed out there. With all the pressure Whiteworth had on her from the constant attacks she will need a breather. Skipping this next match will give her one match before the halfway break so she’ll actually only be playing one match in the next three matchdays. That should have her recovered in time for the second half.”

“You bring up a good point there Dana. There is a built in off day already and while other teams have scheduled matches for this day by not playing in one Tynelia will give all its players some extra rest these other squads will not have. In a long group stage like this one fatigue is a major issue when we reach the end matches of the second half.”

“We’ll also have an extra home match in the second half as well and so far we’re undefeated at home to date though two matches. Less wear and tear will also be beneficial for the team.”

“Very true as well, now time to make your pick Dana. Will Tynelia end its losing streak?”

“I believe so Mike, knowing they’ll be going home after this match should inspire the team a bit to do so on a winning note. Awal KB has been averaging pretty much a goal a match except for their first game with Wrecker and has already been upset by Nikea. They will be tough at home but I think we’ll be able to bounce back and come away with a 2-1 win here. After these last two losses, Tynelia needs to start getting its goal differential back into the positive again.”

“Yeah, Tynelia’s GD really took a beating these last two matches. A -6 drop after starting the first three matches at +3. That isn’t going to win many tiebreakers. Well we’ll all see if Tynelia can bounce back from this one when Tynelian Soccer Weekly covers Tynelia’s final match on the road trip as they visit Awal KB. Afterwards we’ll be here with the postgame show which will hopefully be a more positive show than our last two reports. Until then I’m Mike McPhee with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

Bob: What an action-filled match that was Dave.

Dave: Most certainly Bob. This draw against Tessan continues Sel Appa's good showing in these qualifications.

Bob: Indeed, and we saw a rare goal from Lee Rehsom.

Dave: Yes, and then there was that unfortunate yellow card on Estevez.

Bob: Yes, I heard he might not play next match so he doesn't get another.

Dave: I doubt he would though. Estevez is a very careful player.

Bob: True and there was that moment when I swore a red card would be shown for Tessan. But apparently, I saw it wrong.

Dave: Oh, that kick in the face of Matou?

Bob: Yeah.

Dave: It just appeared that way from our point of view.

Bob: True. I wish the ref had seen it from our side.

Dave: That's not really fair though. Well it was a nice action-packed match as we've said and saw a yellow card and a rare goal. Shame it was a draw, I would've liked a win for The Turtles.

Bob: Don't we all? Oh look, here is the current group standings:

Group 3 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Casari 5 4 0 1 11 4 12 +7
McPsychoville 5 3 0 2 10 5 9 +5
Iansisle 5 3 0 2 10 9 9 +1
Sel Appa 5 2 2 1 7 5 8 +2
Aurendia 5 2 1 2 13 9 7 +4
Czariums 5 1 1 3 4 13 4 -9
Haraki 5 0 3 2 6 10 3 -4
Tessan 5 0 3 2 6 12 3 -6

Bob: Sel Appa is down to fourth place.

Dave: And tomorrow, we play second place McPsychoville.

Bob: Who are 3-2-0 and with a point over us.

Dave: A victory by a few goals would be great.

Bob: Yes, well I have to go now.

Dave: Ok, seeya later.

Bob: Bye.

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My friends, come with me on a journey through the heart of Errinundera, from the cool rainforest to warmer climes; come with me on a journey that starts at Goonmirk Rocks and ends at Bemm River. Our guide? The Be, of course – the river children of Errinu and Undra.

Here is Goonmirk Rocks, a tree village at the highest point of the great plateau. It is home to the mysterious plumpine and the renowned botanical college, the Podocarp Institute. But, above all, it is famous for the best mud in all of Errinundera. It is the ooziest, wettest, sexiest, most pure mud in the land. Like all other towns and villages on the plateau the folk here live in housetrees – majestic, giant shining gum and mountain ash 100 metres tall – perhaps to keep well clear of the mud. As we start down the gentle slope we pass ARNERSAW, surely the most beautiful, most graceful sacred tree in the whole nation.

The incline becomes a gully as we slowly descend. Flowing down the centre is a trickle of water that grows steadily. It is First Creek and we have entered the mythical cool temperate rainforest. There is a scent of nutmeg all about from the Enid Blyton toytown shaped southern sassafras that forms a dense canopy beneath the shining gum. Yet, the leaves of the trees are strangely translucent and everything about is awash in a golden watercolour. Vines and ferns and epiphytes cover the trees but the forest floor is surprising easy to walk through. This is a friendly forest. Even though it is late winter there hasn’t been a snowfall for a week or more. There are traces of snow dotted here and there.

The creek becomes a river and meanders its way through the cool jungle of ferns and sassafras then, without notice, a city appears before us. It is built on the river, which divides into numerous canals, large and small. The buildings here are grand: here are domes and there are arches and over there towers. Gondolas move back and forward between the buildings bearing people on their daily business. As we enter the canals of the upfalls quarter of First Creek Falls we realise that the buildings are not what they first seemed. Most bear the scars of fire and destruction. You might say Errinundrians follow their politics very actively. The nation’s capital bears the brunt of this activism.

The canals re-unite and pick up speed. Suddenly, we drop over the edge of the great Southern Escarpment. It is as if the waterfall disappears into a dark chasm. As our eyes become accustomed to the gloom we discover that we have entered another forest of giant trees, the downfalls section of First Creek Falls. Here is the greatest tree city of the world. 11 million live in this enormous forest yet, from the ground, you would hardly know anyone was there.

The river continues to drop hundreds of metres down a succession of waterfalls and cascades. As we drop over one such waterfall (Hairy Man Falls) there is a football ground directly below us – the National Downfall Stadium. At first you might think we are going to land on top of the goal at this end but your fears are ungrounded. The river flows under the pitch and continues to the south. There is no match today: a far more important event is calling us.

The river now roars down a sharply descending chasm before meeting first the Errinundera River West Branch and, shortly afterward, the East Branch. The river slows, as the descent becomes more gradual and the rainforest gives way to more open forest. After a time the Combienbar River, born also on the plateau, joins and now we enter the warm temperate rainforest of the Bemm River. Even though we have moved away from the equator we have also dropped 1000 metres. The river flows through a riotous, tangled jungle.

The first hint that we are approaching our destination is the appearance of statues along the banks of the river. We round a bend and before us is one of the ugliest structures in all of Errinundera – The Bemm River Recreation Reserve or the B Triple R as it is affectionately called. The home of Bemm River football seems to float in the middle of the river. Water laps against it on every side. Stains on the walls are a history of the ebb and flow of the river. Today Errinundera is playing against Winchestia. Yes, it's NSWC xXx qualifying.

You cannot enter the B Triple R from the river. Let us go ashore, climb one of the trees on the banks of the river and cross into the stadium via one of the many arcing skywalks that enter through the roof. Even though it is still winter and we saw remnants of snow up on the plateau, down here it is warm enough for nudity. The stadium holds 35,000 fans and hardly any Winchestians have travelled here for the match. This is a partisan crowd. Can you possibly begin to imagine what it is like to be at a football match with 35,000 naked, excited fans? And each has a plentiful supply of champagne and Snowy River mud cake.

Winchestia score an early goal that subdues the crowd. But as the game wears on it is clear, even to a neophyte such as myself, that the potoroos are in control of the match. Eventually the angelic genderqueer, rosaniel, equalises. But that is all. Despite their best efforts the home side cannot translate control into victory. The midfielders (captain keok, soflaw, silvu and blackwoo and even the substitute atherosperma) show exquisite skills but the only forward to capitalise on this dominance is rosaniel. After the 4-nil trouncing last week, is it any wonder that the Bemmers go home in a trance of euphoria? Perhaps it is simply the effect the beautiful game has on average people living in paradise.

May your forests be lush and your wildlife frolicsome.

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Virginia Nova 3 - 1 Lylybium


Nova Gatlinburg-The Eagles are back to points scoreing as they have defeated Lylybium 3-1 in First Tennesee Stadium.

The Eagles got off to a sluggish start still realing from that 1-0 blooper-fest against Rordia no goal were scored by an Eagles in the first half. on the other hand Lylybium did get a goal when ther star Forward scored.

In the second half things got better whn Harold Freemont took a pass from Jimmy Hellios and turn it into a goal. Then after a Lylybium Miss,Adam Neppi scored. and to finish it off Freemont got a second one by the goalie.

Next week is gonn a be a nother easy game as VN will play Los Mexco.

Virginia Nova 3
Freemont (56:19,81:03)
Neppi (62:19)

Lylybium 1
Forward (22:54)

Leading Scorers

Freemont 3
Neppi 1

Win TIE Stupid Loss

MD0 VN 4 Marion Oaks 2 1
MD1 VN 1 Yafor 2 1
MD2 VN 0 Ariddia 2
MD3 VN 0 Spruitland 2
MD4 VN 0 Rordia 1
MD5 VN 3 Lylybium 1

Az-cz Scroll
August 22, 2006
Mil-Bax
Il-Lur

Game disturbed my mysterious military maneuvers

In a game very important for any chance Az-cz had of qualifying the team came up short 2-0. However the game was disturbed by a number of unethical instances of Nedalia using their military might to disrupt the game.
In the first half Az-cz seemed to be in control. The gnomes earned more chances than Nedalia and had one of their shots bounce just short of going in and another goal nullified by a blatantly wrong offsides call. Kn-Dg had recieved a great pass from Pizelkaxrovsky but the flag went up and the goal was stricken. However replays clearly showed that Kn-Dg was offside.
The first Nedalia goal came with 33 minutes gone by in the first half. This coincided with the first strange incident. A recently acquired Zimorodok missile could be seen from the stadium, when the screams of panic went up Nedalia players quickly capitalized on the confusion. Although play was halted shortly thereafter the goal was allowed to stand.
Eventually once things calmed down play was restarted. Once again Az-cz took control of play and had the better chances but just couldn't quite punch in a goal.
The second half opened the same way. Once again Az-cz was the better team and once again Az-cz had a goal taken away by bad refereeing. This time a foul was called just before Uz-Gz swung the ball into the back of the net. Although there was a bit of off the ball contact between Bn-Dg and a Nedalian player to call a foul there seemed highly dubious.
In the 78th minute the second strange incident and the second Nedalia goal occurred. This time four F-4 Bird of Prey flew directly over Burlock Castle. Similar to the first half Nedalia players took advantage of the suprise in the stadium and found a goal.
Coach Levesque was furious at this point. He rightly believed that Nedalia had been granted an unfair four goal advantage and that Az-cz rather than Nedalia should have been up two to zero. However in his screaming he was sent off. Assistant coach Chad Marshall then took over the reigns and made two subs, bringing on Az-If for Hubertino and If-Wt for Zax-Im. Although Az-cz continued to be the better team they just couldn't find the goal.
After the game it was announced that Az-cz would be appealing the results of the game. There was also rumor in the stadium that the players had been told that at the thirty third minute mark of both halves Nedalia would do something to distract the stadium and were prepared for it, which allowed them to get the goals. One wonders what kind of country would use a display of their military might to win a football game against their neighbors and region mates. Indeed one thinks that the main point my have been to intimidate another country, possibly the friendly hosts in Starblaydia, as well as affect the football match.

Statistics
Goals Az-cz 0 Nedalia 2
Az-cz scorers
Possession Az-cz 72% Nedalia 28%
Shots Az-cz 19 Nedalia 5
Corners Az-cz 3 Nedalia 0

MC: Due to the strange events of today's match it has been decided that today's press conference should not be held. Instead I have been asked to read a prepared statement from coach Levesque and also one from Robber Captain Ug-Mt.

First I will read the one from Robber Captain Ug-Mt:

To citizens of Az-cz and other concered peoples,

We in the Az-cz government do believe that the nation is in any danger. Although there was a missile fired, it landed safely in the ocean. No other missiles have been fired and we do believe it to have been a test only. As for the flyover we also believe that was just a test. Although we are very upset with these incursions into our air space, we don't believe they indicate any danger. We think our neighbors in Nedalia are far to sensible for these to be any more than tests. We will be in communication with the Nedalia government to figure out exactly what the point of these events were. Do not panic. It is safe to remain in Az-cz.

Now the letter from coach Levesque:

To our fans,

We thank you for your support at today's game and your continued support. We will be appealing the results and requesting a replay in a venue removed from Nedalia and also asking that the return leg be moved from Nedalia to a neutral venue, possibly one outside of Atlantian Oceania. Although our record may not indicate such our team is playing well and we ask for your continued support. Thank you.

That is all for today. We hope to come to you under better circumstances after our match against San Haven.

Allocer 0 Northern Caesarea 3

25. Franco *

2. Martínez *
21. Perea **
3. Sergi ****

8. Álava * => 19. Gabi (m.66)
6. Llano ****
16. De la Rosa **
24. Cafranga ****

15. Javi 0
23. Salmerón ***
14. Istúriz ****

The crack
Istúriz
The youngest player of the Tricolor Fury has proved maturity and good vibrations in his debut with the national team. Always generous and helpful, he brought the fresh wind that our attack game needed. And he scored the first goal.

The dandy
Llano
The Atlético Azaña midfielder gave another sensational exhibition in this World Cup. The reference of the team, with impossible passes and controls. Made Allocer midfielders irrelevant.

The tough guy
Álava
The right winger deserved his yellow carton after an inhumane tackle over a rival player. Pepu Hernández had to replace him, due to his dangerous behaviour.

Not THEIR day
Allocer National Team
The Tricolores played a mediocre match and finished with a 0-3 in their favour. The Allocer team was overwhelmed by the Norther Caesarean strength and technique. They only shot twice against Franco's goal.


Allocer-This was a World Cup match, but it would well have been a practice match with a sparrow junior team. Allocer players started with courage and stamina, but their good attitude vanishes at m.18, when Istúriz intercepted a lethal Cafranga pass and scored the 0-1 fo the Triclores.

This goal had a dramatic impact on Allocer psyche, which had another wound when Llano headed a corner kick just at the end of the first half and scored the 0-2.

The second half of the match was a Northern Caesarea monologue, but with little results. Salmerón, at m.73, put the final score at the electronic scoreboard.

And The Streak Goes On
Starblaydia only clean sheet team remaining

Tynelia will have just single consolation from their four-nil drubbing at Starblaydi hands: they got to play at one of the most famous stadiums in the world. Foundation Road, home of former NSCL Winners Iskara Daii, was the venue for this Matchday Five encounter.

In Jhanna's scenic captial at the 75,000 seater stadium, Starblaydia's toughest team took to the turf and totally trashed the Tynelian t... t... er, tarts? The highlight of the show was, of course, the breathtaking hat-trick by Jacqueline Maitland, her second career haul of three in a single international match. The tough little cookie now has fourty-two goals to her name, never mind six in the last four games. As she's only won 45 caps, this record is verging (Ed: verging? hell, it's so far past verging that verging is just a spot in the distance) on the godmode.

Five games, five wins, fifteen points and fifteen goals, Starblaydia are still three points clear of Bettia in second while Tynelia were leapfrogged into fifth by AwalKB and Nikea, who both won today.

Final Score from Foundation Road:
Starblayda 4 - 0 Tynelia
(Maitland 22, 43 & 75, Prizzoni 71) - (None)

BLACKPORT STORMER Aryans, the time has come to praise the tyranny of the self-proclaimed football genius Tommy Barnes. How this man can be criticized as national manager after the collapse to the admittedly otherwise undermen of Cataduanes is beyond me.

Cadets, the man has the purest concept of aryanism and the superior nature of the Went and his refusal to take account of the expressed wishes of the Wentland nation (at least those of us with sense) and even the playing units themselves is a direct approval of fascist sensibilities of the football team.

Having gone top of the group why should he not have removed those of the unsoundest genetic constitution and replace them with those of 100% Went blood? Collins has already deviated from the Broken Cross with the obvious opiate peddled by the hirsute horrors and his mind is not of sufficient intellectual strength to adopt to the purity demanded. His removal after the win over Jeruselem was surely demanded.

And as for the inclusion of Johnny Lane at centre-half...quite right too. Barnes should have gone further and placed a Blackport player there. It was sheer malfortune that the Communist official should send him off for handball on the goal-line. WE give the orders around here, masters.

The pattern in the second half was ideologically pure. Refuse to accept the decisions of the subordinate. Treat the Cataduanes as the subhuman scum they are. Why not kick them? Why not refuse to leave the field when the red card was shown? I appreciate one of their players nearly had his leg broken but when in Wentland you do what is necessary to survive. If you can't put in a brutal tackle you should not be allowed to put on the hideous blue shirt. Incidentally, I have not had a response from the Warpstone board yet as to why they still play in black when it is evident that the one team that should be playing in read are the Blackport Blackshirts. I would sue for copyright infringement if the Court system were not merely a tool of the masses to oppress the oligarchs.

The Cataduanes "spirit" was shown to be a sham when they scored the most incorrect goal of the match. Fifteen passes, a dribble and a top corner finish. I booed, fellow-nationalists, I booed, but the citizens in the Dog and Ferret were not Pure and derided my expression of national superiority. I continued the intellectual discussion with the revolutionary pugilism tactics and woke up after the fourth had gone in. I assume that it was a typical Communist and team-spirited effort for which we should have nothing but contempt.

No, compadres, the time has come. Barnes must stay. Four fluke goals against at home demonstrates the moral superiority. One Kingdom, one Wentland, one Barnes.

All Hail The Prince!
Sebard dominates proceedings in last two games.

Game 4
Yafor 2 2 - Arridia 0
Game 5
Yafor 2 4 - Nouvelle Angleterre

THE ZYDRAKOS DOME, AJER, YAFOR 2 - Over the past two days, the main story has been Prince Sebard and his domination of two French teams. The atmosphere in the streets has been tremendous, engulfing everyone in its path. The Golden Wolves of Yafor 2 are finally winning. Fans who have nothing to lose (judging by the fact that most take the cynical view that the Golden Wolves can never qualify) are dancing in the streets, surprised by the fact that they are actually in second. It all happened over the last few days.

First came the game against the sixteenth ranked team in the world, Arridia. Despite the fact that it was to take place in Yafor 2, the Golden Wolves were not expected to do anything large. The Arridians played a fairly attacking style of play, as all around knew, and thus, the mildly-defendsive Golden Wolves were either to be overrun or, well, crushed. The Rouge-et-Noirs took the field enthusiastically and so the Golden Wolves, cheering to their home crowd, raising their hands into to the air, and trying to get the atmosphere going, all so that maybe, just maybe, they could have a chance agains the Arridian team.

The game began in a rather disappointing fashion. For the first twenty minutes or so, no one team controlled the possession in any way, nor controlled the flow of the game in any form. Both teams seemed to be trying to find their feet in the game. Prior to the confrentation, the night before, that is, it had rained, thus slightly impairing play. Neither team seemed to want to take any risks, for, despite the fact that it was not totally soaked, it was just too wet to be ignored. Arridia had a few shots in, but for the first twenty minutes of play, it was a quiet game.

That was until Prince Sebard stepped in. The center midfielder had been establishing himself in his position in the heart of the team in the weeks before, but no one expected a performance like this. Sebard is a young player and the only center midfielder on the Golden Wolves' squad. So, he is charged with often guarding the most experienced and most dangerous players in the opposing squads. But against Arridia, he proved he belonged there, proved that he really was the Prince, stepping into the shoes of superstar Gerod Flamer with ease.

He dominated proceedings in the center of play, giving hard tackles and strong passes to his outside mids. He dribbled in and around. The great majority of the game was understandably dominated by the Arridians who probably deserved to win, but when the ball came to Sebard, the Golden Wolves and their fans knew that they had a chance. Sebard finished the game picking up two goals, the first on a strong shot from just outside the box, where an Arridian defender gave him space, by mistake. The other was on a dribbling play with Iktam Velastros in the middle where he ended by placing a goal into the corner. The Arridians ended the game sportingly, congratulating the extatic Yaforite players, but they were disappointed in a game they probably should have won.

It was a similar story against Nouvelle Angleterre, though not the same. Once again it was all Sebard, but the Golden Wolve really showed their skill in the game. Sebard picked up two goals once again, both on powerful shots from just outside the 18 yard box. A goal from each of the forwards complemented a performance that was good from all around. Idurv Odakale played as a "tough boy" up front and Velastros played some nifty plays with Sebard and outside winger Damiel Fraten. All in all, the young Yaforite squad thoroughly deserved a victory that was capped by four goals.

The Golden Wolves go into the next game riding a high. They are second in the group, unbeaten, and have scored the most goals of anyone in their group. Whether they can keep up this form is another story.

-Excerpt from The Ajerite Sun.

Elven Times
Begin Planning

For the CoH people. Another heartreaking loss for the Marauders, this time 3-2 in Sarzonia. Despite playing their best so far in the tournament, and finnaly clicking on offence, it still wasn't enough to push the squad over the edge and get a desperately needed point on the road. Even goals by Night and Zacharius could not give us a win. Now the team needs nothing short of a miracle to qualify.

It just seems as if luck is not our sqaud's side. First the loss to Demot in the friendly, then losing to newcomers Farstra, next a phantom elbowing call in the last game, and now a dissalowed goal when Night was clearly onsides. Perhaps Elune is trying to test our resolve, and that by tournament's end, we will be hardened and strenthed as a group. This reporter can do little to explain why this run of bad luck has happened, but it does seem as if there are greater things at work here than just unhappy coincedences.

Once again it was the Marauders who struck first. Kries and Ceullar were moving the ball up the pitch using a nifty give and go, while Wagoner was trying his hardest to stall the attack. Using nifty footwork, Ceullar danced around him and got the ball to Zacharius, who was completely unmarked. All the seasoned elf had to do was turn and fire an accurate shot, which he did to perfection. The keep dove but the ball was already past him, and the team off celebrating on the sidelines. The rest of the half played out with tackles galore, and several players being warned not to do any reckless again.

The second half started with a bang, as the home side came out energized and refreshed. The attacking duo of Jacobson and Cornwell worked their wall through the defence with pinpoint passing. Jacobson fired a shot just inside the box, but St Louis punched it away. Unfortunately, it was Purvis who came from midfield to get the ball instead of Hardsworth, and headed past the diving keep. However, the team would not stay down long, with Night stripping Yancy of the ball and then lobbing the ball to herself, going into a twirl, and meeting the ball with a perfectly placed shot into the bottom right corner that Talbot could only dream of saving.

Knowing they needed the win badly, the team was not going to rest idly on the one goal lead. Just three minutes after Night's goal, Zacharius had stripped the ball from Clausen at the halfway line and was leading the counter attack. Dribbling by his defender, he turned and delivered a neat through ball to Night who was coming to support. She took it in stride, and flipped it past an oncoming Talbot, and watched the ball dip under the crossbar and softly roll into the netting. However the linesman had lifted his flag calling Night offsides, but when reviewed on replay, she was a clear step behind Campo when Zacharius passed her the ball. It was a bad omen of things to come.

Taking advantage of the blown call and now the sunken feeling of their opposition, the Sarzonian side began to press the attack hard in the 73rd minute. Pin point pass and dribbling that could only be dreamed of by many let the team mow through the midfield and back line like a hot knife through butter. St Louis made one save, then other, and another, but then on t he 3rd rebound, he was caught out of place, and Jacobson easily deposited the ball into the onion bag. Two minutes later, Jacobson scored once more for the home side off a breakaway, and now the team watched as the minutes ticked away to their victory.

Their morale clearly broken, the squad will hope to to find their spirits soon, for they face a daunting task in trying to steal a point in Kaze Progressa next. Perhaps Fortendale will make some line up changes to try and get this thing turned around. One can only hope that the team will have more than just three points going into the second leg of the tournament after their friendly with a Cuation's Legends side.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 2
Rick Cuellar - 2
Zacharius - 1
Liliam Kries - 1

Article by Ron Santapa

'Cats Massacre Carvalo, then Swatted by Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

Lexington Sports Sentinel

Late Result Lexington SC 6 Carvalo 0
Today Andossa Se Mitirn Vega 6 Lexington SC 1

On MD five the 'Cats let out all of their frustration and pain after learning of the death of player Mike Chaps in the hospital after the horrendous MD2 bombing, on Carvalo, laying 'em low with a 6-0 massacre. The two Trevor's scored fast and often as the pair made up all the goals of the team vs Carvalo. It wasnt even close and the Carvalo players were no match for a Lexington team that played like this was their last match. Fighting viciously and raking up quuite a few cards, the 'Cats could have played with any team in the world yesterdady.

Game Sumary:
Minute Player Team Event

03 Griggs LEX Goal
05 Belue LEX Yellow
12 Trudeau LEX Goal
27 Griggs LEX Goal
27 Griggs LEX Yellow
47 Griggs LEX Goal
51 Bennett LEX Red
57 Holthausen LEX Red
69 Trudeau LEX Goal
72 TEAM BENCH CAR Yellow
80 Griggs LEX Goal
87 Marinelli LEX Yellow


Then the next day, a ragged Wildcat team simply was sleepwaling verses Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, definately the wrong team to do that with. The gropu leaders just ran the cats around over and down. The 'Cats were started off witha Belue goal in the 12th minute, but didnt score again as they were plastered by ASMV 6-1! The team simply limped to the lockeroom after the match and were not avaliable for comment.

Game Summary

Minute Player Team Event

12 Belue LEX Goal
21 Iglesias ASMV Goal
33 Belue LEX Yellow
47 Griggs LEX Yellow
47 Trudeau LEX Yellow
47 Swift ASMV Yellow
47 Vianal ASMV Yellow
51 Iglesias ASMV Goal
62 Milosavic ASMV GOal
63 Swift ASMV GOal
72 Iglesias ASMV GOal
80 Milosavic ASMV Goal

Goal Scorers Current Total: 8

T. Griggs 5
T. Trudeau 2
W. Belue 1

Nedalian Military Denies Involvement in Lions Victory

Ac-cz, Atlantian Oceania - Commander Horacio, leader of the Nedalian military, furiously denied reports coming out of Az-cz about a Zimorodok missile being fired over the stadium, as well as the reports of violation of Az-cz airspace by a military aircraft.

"These reports are, ofcourse, ludicrious," stated the Commander. "These type of actions could be very well associated with countries such as Starblaydia or Milchama, but I do believe our friends over in Az-cz are mistaken. And they are sore losers."

While it may never be known exactly what happened last night in Az-cz, manager Sam Dilford took it upon himself to accept their proposal to have Nedalia's home game against played at a neutral venue.

"Maybe then we can show them exactly how much they suck," said an infuriated Dilford.

In seperate reports, witness did claim to have seen an object flying over the stadium in the first half, as well as a fighter jet in the 2nd half, which just leaves this specific reporter confused. Commander Horacio did have one more thing to say, albeit without him knowing we were right behind him:

"Mission Accomplished."

Questions, questions.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

SAYINGS OF THE FOOTBALLING FATHERS

Book XCIV - Fr. Polycarp and Fr. Constantine confront 10,000 maggots

(the events described here may or may not match actual events on the field, and should in some circumstances be considered somewhat allegorical)

1 - And it came to pass that Fr. Polycarp the Venerable, coach of the national football team, did lead the Archregimancy onto the pitch as they did venerate the Holy Icon of the Mother of God Bringer of Victories.

2 - And by his side was the team captain Fr. Constantine the First-Called, who was filled with joy and faithfullness in the Lord due to the squad's recent form.

3 - Yet when the squad had lined up for kick-off, they soon came to realise that the Adversary - not content with fielding his own team under the name 'Anathematic Republics' - had deviously caused that day's opponent to be Ten Thousand Maggots.

4 - The squad's faith in their footballing ability was sorely tested by this fearsome sight, and they did recoil from the writhing larvae that did oppose them.

5 - Indeed so deep was their disgust that the thousands of unclean grubs did score a goal, though the precise mechanics of how maggots play football is perhaps best left to the imagination.

6 - Never mind that the officials allowed the opponents 9,989 extra players on the pitch at the very least suggests a certain level of corruption on someone's part.

7 - Seeing his side most sorely tested, Coach Polycarp called out to his squad "Fear not these creatures! Through trust in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, all obstacles may be overcome, however vile and disgusting"

8 - Hearing these words, the squad were filled with renewed purpose, and Fr. Constantine the First-Called led by example, scoring in the 25th minute with a header off a corner, though it may be surmised that maggots are not particularly good in the air.

9 - Fr. Constantine proclaimed "Let this equaliser be a sign of my faith! Truly we can overcome these suppurating grubs through the power of faith and prayer!"

10 - With these words, the footballing floodgates were opened, and goals for Fr. Petroniu, Fr. Fyodor, and Fr. Seraphim completed the 4-1 rout.

11 - Many other monks did observe these events, and were inspired by the faithful example of Fathers Polycarp and Constantine, and their resolution to follow a true monastic life was thereby renewed.

Our Neighbours, More like soap opera than football

With the confusion over the Az-Cz claim of a missile flying over the stadium, followed later in the game by a jet flying over it by their neighbours Nedalia, The game between our neighbour Geseinfried has been another chapter in what has been what seemed a soap opera plot.

Before the match Geisenfried suffered a serious blow by having three of it's players sent off, this lead the Geseinfried team to be under-powered however almost in the first 10 minutes Andrew Creek agressively tackled a Gesenfried forward. This lead to a yellow card and for the first time, Andrew just went off at the referee. And was given a red card for unsportsman like behaviour. Bazalonia was down it's best defender and was 10 men to 11.

The goal was put through net and it was not looking good for the Bazalopes 1 man down and with the Gesienfried looking for blood. However no one is quite sure what happened but some how the Bazalonian team suddenly sprung into action totally dominating the Geseinfried team and scoring 6 goals while while not conceeding any more. Andrew Creek will be out for the next match and a substitute defender will be put in his place.

No one is sure exactly how this occured and the BFSA has started an internal investigation, one of the braches of this investigation is the potential drug use, the team is under strict curfews until the investigation has been completed.

Aurendia Sports Network presents: World Cup xXx Qualifiers!!!

JM: “Hello there sports fans! A bit hot tonight, but otherwise a great night for some football here in Etoka. I’m Jeff Michaels, and with me as always is Michelle Jefferson.”

MJ: “Thanks Jeff, and thank you folks joining us tonight. As you can see, a very enthusiastic full house here at Etoka City Stadium to watch your Aurendia Raptors take on a strong McPsychoville squad.

JM: “That’s right Michelle. Right now McPsychoville hold the top spot in group 3, while the Raptors are still alive in fifth place, with both teams coming off 1-0 defeats last game.”

MJ: “Expect both teams to want to undo those results here tonight. Your thoughts before we get to the national anthems, Jeff?”

JM: “Well, you do have to look at the rankings. McPsychoville came into these qualifiers ranked 24th. With the Raptors back at 135, expect McPsychoville to control the game tonight.”

MJ: “That may be true, but don’t count out the Raptors here. After all, we’re in Etoka, home stadium of the Campbell sisters. They’ve been key to the Raptors offensive play so far, and they will turn it up a few notches in front of the home fans here. And now its time for the national anthems.”

<><><><><><><>
30th minute:

JM: “…and there’s the shot from McPsychoville, and the save by Kohl.”

MJ: “McPsychoville’s been shooting a lot tonight, but so far Kohl’s stopped everything she’s faced.”

JM: “And Kohl sets up to clear it out, and it’s a long kick, to the midfield.”

MJ: “Right to Campbell, and she outmaneuvers the McPsychoville midfielder”

JM: “And Campbell passes it up to her sister Ashley, Ashley shoots from just inside the box, and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!”

MJ: “Goal for Ashley Campbell! Her fifth goal of qualifying put the Raptors up 1-0 in the 30th.”

<><><><><><><>
43rd

MJ: “…the Raptors so far holding on to the 1-0 lead heading into halftime.”

JM: “That’s right Michelle, and if can do that, it would go a long way to getting some much-needed points out of this game.”

MJ: “Here comes McPsychoville on the attack, and the shot is saved by Kohl.”

JM: “Kohl passes it forward to Sheriff, and OH NO! Sheriff loses the ball to a McPsychoville player. Kohl can’t get there in time, and its in! McPsychoville has just tied it up 1-1 just before halftime.”

<><><><><><><>
Halftime:

MJ: “The teams are about to come out of the locker rooms Jeff, and I must say, its getting hard to hear this stadium has gotten so loud.”

JM: “That’s for sure Michelle. Wait, it just got much, much louder, because here come the streakers!”

MJ: “Sure are a lot tonight. What do you think, seventy? Eighty?”

JM: “Probably more than a hundred Michelle; and now flares going off all around this stadium.”

MJ: “They’ve been going off all night, but never this many, or this colorful…I’ll tell you, whatever happens on the field, these fans have lived up to their reputation tonight.”

JM: “Right you are, and let’s hope the team can use some of that energy in the second half.”

<><><><><><><>
60th

JM: “…Raptors continue to pressure this McPsychoville defense, and looks like it’s going to be a corner kick.”

MJ: “So here comes Campbell to take the corner, the ball’s up, looks like she sent it well…right to Sanchez, and HE HEADS IT IN! GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!”

JM: “GOOOOAAAAALLLLLL! 2-1 Raptors! Matt Sanchez just headed in a beautiful corner from Cassandra Campbell, and this crowd is going wild!”

<><><><><><><>
90th:

MJ: “…Brady clears it up to Colenti, and there’s the final whistle. This one’s in the books folks. One for the ages I’d say. The Raptors have just pulled off an amazing 2-1 victory over McPsychoville.”

JM: “That’s for damn sure Michelle. Pulling out a victory over a team ranked that high…just a great game all around for the Raptors.”

MJ: “Just in time too. These three points keep them in fifth place in Group 3 with seven points.”

JM: “That may not seem like much, but remember that group leader Casari is only five points ahead, and there are a lot of games left in this qualifying round.”

MJ: “Right you are Jeff. Anyways, that’s all for tonight. Join us next time from Tessan as the Raptors take on a team that hasn’t had a win yet.”

JM: “Don’t expect that to change either. For Michelle Jefferson, and all of us at ASN, I’m Jeff Michaels. Thanks for watching, and ‘May your drinks always be cold’.”

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Qazox recovered its winning ways earlier today with a 2-0 win at lowly Toranat, whose women's side proved capable during the last Women's World Cup; however, their men's side is seemingly over-matched by older teams. The scoring began in the 37th minute as Hugh Dansie, starting for Anthony Mason scored off a header sent in by Kelly Kinkade. The Toranat side responded with a counter of their own, but Reggie Hassok proved up to the task stopping all 4 shots taken in the last 8 minutes of the 1st half.

The second half started like the first ended, with Toranat controlling the ball and slanting the field towards the Black Oxen's net. Reggie Hassok, the man of the match, was indominable in the net, stopping 11 shots in the 2nd half. However for the home side, a yellow card in the 82nd minute turned the momentum around and Hugh Dansie scored his second goal of the match in the 88th minute to provide the final 2-0 win.

SCORING: Qazox: Dansie (1,2: 37', 88')

In other Group 7 action, Commerce Heights beat Tajikistan 3-0 to take over the top spot in the group, Raging Penguins continue to impress, with a 2-0 win over the Doja, and Swilatia beat the Mice of Miceland in hard fought 1-0 match. Qazox remains in 5th place in Group 7, but now only trail Commerce Heights by 3pts. as Group 7 seems to be this year's GROUP OF DEATH with the top 6 teams only separated by 4 points so far.

STANDINGS:
Group 7 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Commerce Heights 5 3 2 0 14 3 11 +11
Tadjikistan 5 3 1 1 8 6 10 +2
The Mice of Miceland 5 3 0 2 14 8 9 +6
Raging Penguins 5 3 0 2 6 4 9 +2
Qazox 5 2 2 1 9 6 8 +3
Swilatia 5 2 1 2 6 7 7 -1
The Doja 5 0 2 3 2 9 2 -7
Toranat 5 0 0 5 3 19 0 -16

Hill stared at the two kids sitting at the crappy meeting room table. "You know, it seems like every cup has to have some kind of action happen in some crappy meeting room."

Jay nodded. "Yeah, that really blows."

Hill dismissed the topic with a wave. "Oh well. Anyway, I'm sure you have all sorts of questions about who the Dutch are, and why we had a satelite, why it crashed into your house, how we managed to get a piece of the True Cross, and various other secrets. And normally, I'd be happy to answer all of those questions."

"Well, why won't you?"

"Well, part of it is that it has to do with a secret plot to control the world. Another part is that revealing our secrets to anyone could bring down the Holy forces of Orthodoxy to see just what us Catholic Schismatics are doing."

"What's with that, anyway." Rob said. "What did we do?"

"Noone knows, really. But back to the main topic- the main reason I'm not telling you any of our secret plans is that you're just a pair of stupid kids, and I like to think of myself as at least one step above being a generic, idiotic spy movie villian."

"So I suppose that puts us beyond sweet talking you into telling us anything." Jay said, streching and yawning.

"Damn right."

Sonya rolled her eyes from the other side of the table. "Oh please. You were bragging about that secret plan to people on the street yesterday."

"But they weren't stupid enough to believe anything I say." Hill said, crossing her arms. "These easily impressionable youths are nowhere near intelligent enough to think anything I said was the rantings of a slightly insane manager of a national soccer team."

Rob and Jay looked at each other before Jay shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, she is right, we'd believe anything. But, on the other hand, we're not very believeable either. Who's going to listen to a bunch of annoying, sixteen year old wannabe hooligans?"

Hill stopped for a second and looked at the ceiling, clearly thinking to herself. "You know, you're a bright kid. And we've lost far too many intelligent people to the Hockey Federation after that damn Cherry Cup win." She said, leaning on the table. "How would you like internships here? Think about what it'll do for your future careers, or some crap like that."

Jay shrugged. "Meh, not like there's anything better to do, I suppose."

"Fantastic. Sonya, you never have anything to do other than get me coffee and threaten children, go and show them around the headquarters."

Sonya dragged herself out of her chair with a sigh. "Come on, tools."

Rob and Jay followed her out of the meeting room and followed her down the hallway. Rob blinked. "What the hell just happened there?"

"Your friend just proved himself more intelligent than the manager of the Defending World Cup Champions." Sonya said, opening a door and waving them through.

Jay strutted though the door. "Well, tell us something we don't know."

Dear Diary.

Because of this damn case, I've got to find out what is happenning in the World Cup that could have enough importance to kill two korean writers who can't even get their sentances correct. After reading their report on the world cup, I felt like punching them in the stomach, it was so bad. "Then fans of team Rejistania happy looked". English motherfucker, do you speak it? Probably not. Anyway. I went down to the autopsy room to see if the people down there had anything new. Perhaps they were on drugs, and that would reinforce my thought that they had comitted suicide. Going down to the lobby, I took a few minutes of my precious time to have some chit-chat with the receptionist I'd noticed the other day. She's damn fine. But there were quite a lot of people there, so I didn't manage to get conversation going. Down in the parking lot, I met my boss. I managed to fend off his assaults on what was happening in regards to the case, but he gave me a good idea. I'll tell you about it later on, Diary.

So, we're in the entrance hall of the morgue, and we've got to wait whilst the whole system gets going, as usual. Oh, did I tell you about Simon? He's my main helper, my right hand. Simon has been working with me for 4 years now. We do good work together. So, we're waiting in the hall, and his girl-friend calls him. I'm bothered because I shouldn't let him chat up his girl when he's on duty, so I tell him to go back to the car, like that he can chat away, and I'll cover up. So I'm feigning normalicy and all when the doctor comes out. I'd been looking at some weird modern painting, and he comes up and says something about the "modernistycs" of the painting. I vaguely agree, but for some reason I felt he was dissappointed when I didn't want to talk more about it. But it was butt-ugly. It was just lines making squares, some being coloured. Whatever. So, we go into his office, and he brings me bad news : nothing new in the case. Nothing. No drugs, alcohol levels normal, nothing.

Now you see this pisses me off, because it means I'm going to have to use my boss's idea, and it is seriously bad. He wants me to document all the games that have been played by the few nations that our reporters had full-fledged documents about, because he thinks that they unearthed something that somebody didn't want to come out. And that's bad for me because it means that I have to watch some 14 or something games of this boring sport. Perhaps I'll try to convince some of my guys to do it, but they're not hot. I mean, watch this boring sport for something like 17 hours? Heck no.

Well... I'll go back to the start since I have to : The draw...

I'll be back soon, little book!

GREEN WOMABT DAILY NEWSWe Change our name more than you change your socks!!

In our brief World Cup history, the best that Green Wombat has been after 5 mtaches was way back in WC 27 with a record of 1-1-3, until today. After a 2-0 win at Horgate, goals scored by Ensign Joe (Early) Graves and Captain Hermes Conrad, the Zombie Womabts are in 3rd place only 1 point behind Magnus Valerius for the last qualifaction spot. And ahead of New Montreal States, one of the best teams in the world. So at the 1/3 mark of this qualifing, Green Wombat finds itself in unfamilar, but welcome territory.

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Unicorns Trapped In Locker Room
Fiddler Crabs lose to The Colony of Delaware
Way to go, kids!

Queen Sonya Sabre knew that a three match homestand was just what the Mystical Unicorns needed to solidify their hold on third place for Group11. And the first of those had been exactly what was expected as the Unicorns had escaped the Wolves of One Red Dot.

But the luck didn’t last. The Mystical Unicorns had arrived at Elanesse Tulcokelume the same as always. They had completed their pre-match walkthroughs the same as always. And again the same as always, they were ready to play their opponents and come away with another home win.

But sometimes things just do not go according to plan. When the squad was attempting to leave their locker room and head to the pitch they found that the door was locked - and no one had a key. But it would turn out to be much more than a key that was needed. Indeed the entire doorway had been epoxied shut from the outside.

As stadium staff rushed to free the trapped Unicorns so that they could play in at least a part of the match, the rules of international football declared that D&S must field a squad at the proper time or forfeit a 0-3 loss. And when the opponent was The Colony of Delaware, forfeit was not an option. Just about anyone should be competitive with them.

Unfortunately the only actual players that could be found were the newly crowned 11-12 year old Sylvanaes Championship Squad from Alf - a little known community on the western end of the Islands that compromised the Sylvanaes Kingdom.

So the kids took the pitch and The Colony of Delaware player actually laughed at them. That was until little Amie Corruscant kicked the Delaware captain in the shins just before play began. Then the match was underway and the Alf Fiddler Crabs kept the Delaware defense busy trying to stop their furious attack. In fact the Fiddler Crabs played well enough to hold Delaware to just one shot on goal for the first half. And that was easily knocked aside by 4’2” 11 year old keeper, “Buzzy” Buckroy.

The second half would offer more of the excitement that had kept Unicorn fans on their feet for the first half. With the Unicorns still trapped, the Fiddler Crabs again took the pitch - and again took the match to the now flustered Delaware squad.

But the luck would run out in the 87th minute when Alexander “Mini-Meat” Nikoli earned a red card for spitting in the eyes of the Delaware attacker who had leaned down to ridicule him about his mullet. The official word from the referee was that it had been tobacco that was spit, but D&S officials have ordered a thorough investigation. Everyone knows 11 year olds don’t chew tobacco.

But the resulting play would see Delaware finally mange to get past “Mini-Meat” and “Buzzy” to claim the 1-0 win for the visitors.

The Unicorns were finally freed from their locker room some 50 minutes after the match had ended. A full investigation has been launched into who might have committed this atrocious act. But word has now come to us through our contacts within the government that fans of the One Red Dot Wolves are in the forefront of the list of possibilities. Another theory is that the nation of Khenas is behind the act. But whoever it was one thing is certain - they wish to keep third place in Group 11 out of the hands of the Unicorns and must result to these kinds of actions to do so.

Elsewhere around Group 11
Fmjphoenix and TnUI both remained perfect with wins over One Red Dot(3-1) and KCToker(3-0) respectively. Khenas dropped Socialist Romanistan 2-0 and moved into third on the table feeding the fire of thoughts that they were behind the events of today.

Archregimancy Watch:
The Monks showed some solid offense in a 4-1 thrashing of Ten Thousand Maggots. Go Monks!

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you where the Doritos are!!

by: Monty Python

On Day 5.. Sativaville lost to Becquerlia...um.. Beqafhafkhajkfhajkfhjk.. ummm. I mean...Becquerelia 2-1. The match was close through out, but Trent Rauda allowed two goals in the last 7 minutes of play (the 83rd and 88th minutes) to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The Stoners are now 3-0-2 so far and 6 points out of a qualifing berth. since last time we had only 3 wins in 14 matches, we are doing far better than expected and could contend at WC 31 as we are still too inxperienced to qualify this time out. but we are a tough out.

* Funky theme music *

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas ...
Dazza: And there's no Rachel today due as due to minor cold which has messed up her voice. But this is still THE FOOTBALL LIFE. Don't be dismayed, she'll be back on TV as soon as possible. I'm still here so no panic.

Reanu: Hi everyone
Dazza: This is our special guest, Jeruselem striker Keanu Reeves. You know the one I've worship ...
Reanu: Better keep your mits off me eh?
Dazza: It's really hard but I'm trying. Really hard.

<Stuff appears on screen>

Group Eight
Wentland 1 - 4 Cataduanes
Jeruselem 2 - 1 United Island Empires
Marion Oaks 2 3 - 0 The Greatest Crap
Marceau State 3 - 0 Delesa

Group Nine
Yafor 2 4 - 1 Nouvelle Angleterre

Group Ten
Giant Zucchini 1 - 2 Hockey Canada

Group Thirteen
Az-cz 0 - 2 Nedalia

Dazza: Firstly, Jeruselem back on track as I said last report. We beat the tricky Islanders TWO ONE. Hard game but the boys and girls once again did the job getting the all important three points!
Reanu: Islanders played well, but the team pulled together to get job done
Dazza: No goals today cutie, err, Reanu
Reanu: Hehe, no but there's always someone else who will score goals when needed.
Dazza: But I'm an open goal for you
Reanu: Cheeky girl!

Dazza: (Smiles) Now for the other games. Big game between the mighty Wentland who beat us last game and Cataduanes, who we trashed 4-1 two games ago. Now, Wentland beat us and they should beat Cataduanes? WRONG. Cataduanes smashed the inconsisent Wentland FOUR ONE. Yes, Wentland are really hot and cold.
Reanu: Yeah, it's weird. They play like champs or chumps.
Dazza: But they have talent, all they have to do is use it.
Reanu: Consistency is the key to success in the long term. Jeruselem loses games but only few with runs of wins. That's what good teams do

Dazza: The Greatest Crap, what can I say. Marion Oaks 2 trashed them THREE NIL and everyone else trashes Marion Oaks 2. Well, the team plays like their name
Reanu: I noticed you like saying crap

Dazza: Oh yeah, it's my job to talk it - in a nice way. And well done Oakies! And those Frenchies, err, Marceau State are on a roll.
Keanu: I though Delesa would win but I was totally wrong!
Dazza: Delesa got smacked 0-3 and the Frenchies are on a roll. Delesa drew with us, which means they might just this group is going to be horribly tight. All good teams except the crap and Oakies teams
Reanu: Oh yeah, really tight Group 9 is. Tight as Dazza's dresses as an analogy.
Dazza: We gotta work really hard to qualify here, but I'm sure we will. Keanu, you like that way, including my dresses.

Dazza: Those Lions are just HOT
Keanu: That's the team form, not the team itself.
Dazza: Good looking guys on the team too Keanu, but they just keep on winning. A team called err, A-ZED-C-ZED took them on and lost. The Lions won TWO NIIL and well, look like the team we want from Nedalia.
Keanu: Yeah, scary too. Winning ways for the Lions, the fans must be shocked
Dazza: They love to win, like me. I hate losing!

<Dazza winks at the audience>

Dazza: Oi, Hockey Canada fans! You must like your vegetables. GIANT vegetables - the team called Giant Zucchini. Well, your team beat the giant veges.
Keanu: We haven't lost to the giant veges in a long time either
Dazza: Veges are good for you except that evil stuff called Spinach.
Keanu: It's not that bad. It's really good for you still.
Dazza: Unless you overcook it, and overcooked Spinach is horrible

Dazza: well, last but not least. Lisa' team - Yafor 2
Keanu: She's doing a great job over there
Dazza: Nouvelle Angleterre found out what Yaforites can do, losing 1-4. I think the Yafor 2 people must be happy with new coach. Lots of great big wins
Keanu: We play a friendly after the half-way mark against the Yaforites, actually the reserves are.
Dazza: Should be a great game, and I will be there on the field ready for battle. I want another hat-trick.
Keanu: Scary game - that game was. Dazza just went ballistic and the Yaforites didn't have any answer

Dazza: It's Yap Yap time without Rachel
Keanu: You girls sure know how to talk
Dazza: A viewer asks why the best soccer coverage is only on cable, and he says the free coverage is so inferior with image quality. It's really simple - money. High quality video costs money to obtain and broadcast, millions of shekels of equipment for the high resolution systems. JGN got to make money and we can't just give it away. We have to recover the costs. Free to air quality isn't best due to ancient equipment used.
Keanu: I have cable and it's worth every shekel

Dazza: Someone asks my opinion for that porn star team of girls? I think viewers who team we are talking about.
Keanu: I'm sure you'd fit in
Dazza: I think the Angels are a better team on field generally, because we are World champs for women's game twice. Looks-wise, they are winners. Even Keanu thinks so, right?
Keanu: Err, yeah. The girls from that nation are something good in the genes.
Dazza: What about me? (Winks)
Keanu: Rachel Kool class I guess, but I not going be tempted
Dazza: You dated her too. Give me a try
Keanu: No, no. I not single anymore but I appreciate the offer.
Dazza: I'll wait
Keanu: I know you will

Dazza: That's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE or Dazza trying chat-up Keanu show.
Keanu: Catch with my ex Rachel and this bimbo for the next episode. Actually, she's not dumb at all. She fixed my video camera yesterday on the condition I turn up today.
Dazza: Simple stuff really
Keanu: Not for me
Dazza: Sweet dreams everyone as I continue my quest
Keanu: Err, yeah. So you all later

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

5-0-0

If any of you are confused by the headline that is Milchama's record after 5 games of qualifying, 5 wins, 0 draws, 0 losses. The perfection continued today as the Warriors beat BENKONATE 3-1 at home. This win puts Milchama's unbeaten run to 16 games stretching back from last cup and our winning streak is at 9 games stretching back from the last game of the group stage of the CoH. Coach Jamie Smith said, "Right now I think we are in the best form I have ever seen Milchama in. I mean 16 games unbeaten is just ridicoulous and even more ridicoulous is the 9 strait wins. This is very good espiecially because we start the hard part the next Matchday. So far all of our games have been against easier lower ranked teams but tommorow we play Cuation and the game after is Oliverry. If we can win, or not lose, both of those games then this streak will really be worth talking about, if not, then we really didn't do much, if anything. But its fun to be on a role like this and I think it could very well continue for a long time." Now for a standard boring match report:

The Warriors came onto the pitch excited and ready to play while BENKONATE looked a little stunned from something. Whatever they were stunned from it certainly allowed the Warriors some free room and they took it, as Del Clufor went past 2 defenders before firing his first goal of the tournament past the keeper to make it 1-0 Milchama. The Warriors continued to go on the offensive and Aaron Kary's cross found the head of Floren Albentine but his header was just over the bar and the score stayed the same. Then in the 25th minute it became 2-0 Milchama when Spot Nielson put one home. The halftime score was 2-0.

The second half was much more of a mix as Albentine scored again for the Warriors in the 62nd minute before BENKONATE got a consolulation goal thru X. in the 80th minute.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Albentine 12, 62 Nielson 25)
BENKONTATE 1 (X 80)

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Records All Around For ASMV

This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea where a new scoring record was set for the Sea Dragons today in a 6-1 massacre of Lexington SC.

On MD4 it would have been hard to imagine a tougher attack to face that the one used by Lexington SC to roll up a 6-0 destruction of Carvalo. But luckily for the Sea Dragons, every match stands on its own and the meeting today would not be influenced by that result - at lest directly.

The match started slowly in typical ASMV fashion as the defense worked hard to make its presence felt. But the ‘Cats were still riding high on their previous victory and moved the ball around quite smoothly. The 12th minute would see them open the scoring on a goal by Belue. Unfortunately, Belue turned to Micah“Kneebreaker” Swift and wagged his finger in the face of the most feared defender in football screaming “This is gonna be as easy as Carvalo, B%#*&!” Needless to say, Swift showed control no one knew he had by not choling the life out of Belue at that point.

But it was enough to spark a massive onslaught of attack that Lexington SC was apparently helpless to stop. Pablo Iglesias would finally break through and score in the 21st minute on a cross from Evan Evans. That score of 1-1 would hold until after the half, but ASMV was far from done with the scoring. 2 minutes into the second half, Swift would exact payment from Belue - a broken nose to be exact - and earn a yellow card in the process. The Sea Dragon fans were all on their feet at the sight of blood on the player that had been so disrespectful in the first half. Fidal Vianal would earn a yellow just seconds later as he gave Belue a wedgie as he grasped his nose with both hands. Fortunatel the referees from Giant Zucchini declined to send both players off.

But the Cats had been shaken and Iglesias would score again in the 51st minute. Then a shocker happened. Left Wing Defender, Anika Milosavic, would score on a corner kick in the 62nd minute. But that is not the real story here. “Kneebreaker” himself would find the net as he slipped unnoticed into position and scored his first goal ever in international play. How a big defender that runs more like a tank than a football player can go unnoticed is beyond me. Perhaps the Cats were simply smart enough to stay out of his way.

Iglesias would score again in the 72nd to capture the Hat Trick before Milosavic scored a second goal in the 80th minute.

Six goals in one match is an ASMV record. Three goals from defensive players is also an ASMV record. The Five point victory is yet another ASMV record. Thank you Lexington for rolling over and playing dead.

In other news from Group 12, The big story was in NMS where the Paladins and Boyers of Magnus Velarius battled to a 0-0 draw. This is an important result for us as we now face these two squads before the MD7.5 friendly against Aurendia. Green Wombat dropped Horgate 2-0. Harlesburg dropped Carvalo 2-0.


Group 12 Pl W D L F A Pts GD
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 5 4 1 0 16 2 13 +14
Magnus Valerius 5 3 2 0 11 4 11 +7
Green wombat 5 3 1 1 8 7 10 +1
Harlesburg 5 3 0 2 6 8 9 -2
New Montreal States 5 2 2 1 8 3 8 +5
Lexington SC 5 1 0 4 8 13 3 -5
Horgate 5 0 1 4 1 9 1 -8
Carvalo 5 0 1 4 3 15 1 -12


Another record for ASMV has been set as well. Look at the table. Goal Differential is +14. That has not been accomplished by the Sea Dragons before. But it is good to see. Magnus Velarius is the next opponent followed by the struggling NMS. A lot can be decided in these two matches. The Sea Dragons could easily be chasing the Boyers in the second half of qualification. Or ASMV could put a strangle hold on the group. Magnus Velarius is very tough and we knew they would make some noise in this thing. And do not believe for a second that NMS is done. They will make a hard run to get back into things. Count on it.

Friends Watch
Cuation struggled again as they lost 1-0 to Alif Laam Miim of recent BoF obscurity
Milchama downed BENKONATE 3-1
Tadjikistan fell to Commerce Heights 3-0
Ariddia scored early and often in a 5-0 drubbing of Los Mexico
D&S fielded a group of kids that lost 0-1 to The Colony of Delaware, interesting story.

In the hall where "The Chamber" of the Miceland Government meet there was a ruffle. It wasn't in reply to the Miceland loss to Arridia, that was expected but the 1-0 match was certainly enough to ensure that the miceland deserved to be in the tournament. What was stirring the commotion was a report from an ESF Agent in Rejistania, the agent was monitoring the Bazalonian football team in the their loss to Rejistania.

The agent was Agent Victor, aka Harold FoureverMouse. When the brother's Andrew and Anthony Creek snuck out of their hotel and went to the Shaman, he saw the magic ritual and was curious about it's affects. As time passed he saw how the magic seemed to effect the match and the revelation of the Abysmali Magic, magic that makes one, well, stink. He got thinking, if there was a magic that made one stink, there logically would have to be a magic that would make a mice to improve. After discovering that the Rejistanian word 'sikire, meaning to improve. Naming this, as yet undiscovered, magic Sikiren. The report and his opinion had caused quite a stir and orders where sent throughout the ESF to gain information on magic.

Starting with the Temple of Karela a number of books went missing from a number of their preists, and various magic books from all over the world made their way to miceland through the ESF. Of course the books where de-bigulated so they did not attact attention. The Chamber had instituted a secret magic research organisation. Codenamed the BurnWood Institute, the Insitute is being kept secret and the chamber is expecting a first look into the world of magic and there has already been speculation that magic was the reason the mice where intelligent. However such speculation was quickly scoffed at and directions where given to stay away from that area. While not a ban it is a big barrier to research into that area.

What will this magical research leads to no mouse knows but but whatever it is it will be the future of the nation.

OOC: N.B. The Chamber is very paranoid about anti-mice sentiment so all WC nations have at least one ESF Agent monitoring them. Though they generally just looking and unless there is a specific reason for them to do anything they don't. Aslo ESF Agents are not bigulated.

This is Radiomundo Sports Report, with Judas Alcácer

Hello, everybody. We are all really surprised that the bunch of grandpas leadered by a lunatic like Pepu Hernández is doing so well at the WC30 qualyfications. I really expected that we would finish on the last positions of the group and we'd do an awful participation on CoH. But now, we are in the third position, at only one point of the second. We are going to connect with our reporter Felipe Lotas, in the training pitch of the National Team.

Felipe Lotas: Hi, Judas. Pepu Hernández has made public the list of players who will travel to Falstra, to the next WC match:

12. Salmón

17. Heredia
4. Capdevilla
3. Sergi

19. Gabi
6. Llano
10. Esquivel
18. Zeamendi

20. Toledo
23. Salmerón
14. Istúriz

Called in:

25. Franco
21. Perea
8. Álava
16. De la Rosa
7. Maragall
15. Javi

The main news are that Salmón and Equivel returns and Istúriz remains, after his wonderful match against Allocer.

The national coach is very worried about euphoria in the team and in the media, let's listen to him:

Pepu Hernández: "We are doing well, but we are far to be perfect. Our goal average is low compared with Turori. And we can't forget that we are going to plauy the sixth match, and there are fourteen. Everything goes. We can't fall asleep".

Felipe Lotas: That's all from the Tricolores Training Facilities.

Judas Alcácer: Thank you very much, Felipe. Now let's talk about the main sports subject of the day, the quarterfinals of the Winter Cup will be played...

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

PORN STARS DO IT WITH NEBULEUX
Match Drawn 2-2

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent

Team xXx drew last night in a thrilling match against Nebuleux last night, and subsequently announced a new series of World Cup highlight DVDs.

The match itself involved a dramatic 2-2 draw, where the Imperial squad took a 2-0 lead with goals from Francesca "Hot" Totty and Andronicus Curcuaso. But when Annabelle Foxxxxx was forced to leave the field with a broken nail, the squad's attacking style began to suffer.

Coach Dirk Slaughter's failure to name any substitutes in fact forced the Holy Empire to play the rest of the match with only 10 players, and while strippers Patrick O'Toole, Thor the Mighty Hammer God and Big Dick McTavish defended heroically, the team's plans were completely undone when Chesty LaRue burst a breast implant defending a free kick and also had to leave the pitch.

Reduced to 9 players, the Imperial porn stars conceded two late goals, and the final score remained 2-2.

Ms. Foxxxxx has filed her nail and will be ready for the next match, but Ms. LaRue faces a battle to have her implant replaced in time and may have to play the next match somewhat unbalanced.

In other news, the squad announced a new series of World Cup-related highlight DVDs to be sold in most participating World Cup nations (with the exception of the Archregimancy). Titles announced so far include "Hot Totty Does Bedistan", "Thor Unleashes the Power of Mjolnir in Nedalia", and "The LaRue Sister's Look at Whether Big Things Come in Small Az-Cz Packages".

HEFA were last night unable to confirm whether the highlights involved actual football or were focused on more physical pursuits. It was also unclear as to whether any Az-Czzzrs participated in the LaRue sisters' DVD, or whether the latter involves some of the Empire's short-statured citizens merely pretending to be gnomes.

Attack means (not really) defeat

Tha Rejistani national team played the attacking style, which Frankton'he introduced, against Geisenfried and despite all Karelan predictions: They did not lose highly. They did not even lose. The Orange-Blues won highly 5:0. Of course they were helped by 3 Geisenfried people, who managed to get sent off: Sigmund Duhring after a foul to stop the advancing Lyku I Sil in the 30th minute, Steinhager'he ellbowed Syku Lyku Sikane'tes in the gut when they were trying to get into the best positions after a corner kick (Syku Lyku Sikane'tes had to leave the pitch and Syku Lyku Denike'tes came in) and in the second half: Samuel Wolfe for dissent and insulting the referee after the referee only booked Lyku I Sil after a foul.

The match was pretty one sided, especially after the number of Geisenfried players decreased. I sil'he scores three goals in this match, however no hetrika since two gaols happened between them. those 2 Goals were both scored by Syku Lyku, one by Sikane'tes and the other by the just substituted-in Lyku'he Desnike'tes.

Ten reasons why the Orange-Blues should not have won against Champlaign:
10. Because attack means defeat
9. If a team takes the lead, it shows that this team is better
8. Because the Champlaign players are more sexy
7. Because the blogosphere needs something to rant about
6. Because as we know, Frankton'he is inept
5. Home advantage
4. So Frankton'he eventually nominates defender Elit Kansu
3. Because several people were injured by falling TVs from Karelan households
2. Because the Orange-Blues lacked all information about the Champlaign national team
1. Because a 5-0-0 is too good to be true

Ten reasons why the win is okay as it is:
10. Because the Orange-Blues need the points
9. Because the Champlaign attack seemed to lack stamina after the first 10 minutes
8. Because the Champlaign defense was worse than the Bettian one
7. Because the midfield was as inept as Minix Veran's - in the time, they played 5-2-3.
6. Because the Karelans shut up with their sermon that attack means defeat - until next Saturday*
5. Because Imdila is not Takil and so the Orange-Blues were able to cope with the attacks of Champlaign.
4. because The national team would have been egged and tomatoed otherwise
3. Because the high amount of Rejistani fans in the stadium made it nearly a home match
2. Free beer in rejistani pubs after the match
1. Because the Orange-Blues were better


OOC: this is no rant, just some harmless fun :>

"I should have substituted you out after the first time, you left the half!" shouted the coach at Andreas Pfeffer after the match. "I thought you would take your chance and be a good not-quite defender..."

"I remained in a defensive position for most of the game!"

"You ahem three times!"

"I did what three times? Lose the ball to an opponent?"

"You scored three times! IN ONE MATCH!"

"well, as long as we did not..." he whispers "concede..."

"It was far more likely, when only 10 people defended the goal!"

"Well, we won..."

"A 1:0 would have been enough for that! We selected you as not-quite-defender, not as takilan monster!"

Pfeffer nearly fell down. The insult caused nearly physical pain. "If I could have helped it, I wouldn't have done it! I think they pointed va'takil'ny at me! I saw some eeriy green lights!" He could not say what really happened. If he told anyone that a magical ceremony went wrong and made him sometimes, involuntarily score, he would be arrested for unallowed use of magic and if he can not be cured, killed. If it could be cured, he'd be horribly punished - and never allowed to even approach a soccer field.

"I guess that is a reason... This is a problem at away games! Next match, I want you to play in a takil-proof suit!"

Pfeffer gasps "okay, coach!"

Ariddians back in form

“We’ll beat them. Three-one.”

Such were the words of a supporter outside Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium shortly before the match against Los Mexico. The mood was one of confidence, but perhaps also of slight anxiety. Ariddia’s performance thus far had not been as good as expected, and to lose to unranked Los Mexico would have been a major source of embarrassment. Ariddians flocked to the stadium to watch their team, highest ranked in Group 9, dominate their opponents. The pressure was on.

As it happened, however, there was little cause for concern. The Rouge-et-Noirs had decided to try and destabilise their opponents right from the opening moments, and launched an all-out assault which left the Los Mexicans struggling to defend, conceding three corner kicks in the first seven minutes. It was in a straightforward attack, however, that Rejistanian-based Tadjou Sheyi Senaya scored the opening goal for Ariddia in the eleventh minute, sliding the ball in on a pass by Nathalie Simon.

Nam Hyok-Jun followed four minutes later to make it two-nil, and the Rouge-et-Noirs kept up the intense pressure for another quarter of an hour or so before relaxing it slightly, presumably so as not to tire themselves out and concede opportunities in the later stages of the game. Hanifah Kyaw kept the match lively enough by inscribing a third goal in the thirty-sixth minute.

The Ariddians re-entered the stadium to the sound of a cheering crowd for the second half of the match, still playing a slightly more balanced game which gave the team’s defenders the means to keep their Los Mexican opponents well away from Awad al Maharmeh’s goal cage. The major threat to the Ariddian side came in the sixty-second minute, when a Los Mexican attacker stumbled in the penalty area, and called for a foul against Ariddian defender Eot Ja. The Indigenous Ariddian strenuously denied having tripped his opponent, and the referee indicated that the attacker had indeed tripped by himself.

Perhaps boosted by this close call, the Rouge-et-Noirs scored a fourth goal in the seventieth minute, courtesy of Trevor Komu - Komu’s first ever goal on the national team. Senaya rounded it off with his head during a corner kick eight minutes after that, making it a tidy five-nil final scoreline. Ariddia was back in the lead in Group 9.

Elsewhere, fellow Uhuhlanders Ropa-Topia suffered a startling nil-three loss to the heavily defensive playing of System Karela. The third of four Uhuhland nations in contention, Uncle Pete, lost to the Weegies by four goals to nil; the fourth Uhuhland nation, TnUI, beat KCToker 3-0.

Errinundera – who have many Ariddian supporters – drew one-all to Winchestia. Krytenia demolished the unfortunate Tocapans by seven goals to one, while in the same group Spaam defeated Eseck by an identical lead: six-nil. Quakmybush, surprise qualifiers last time round, drew nil-all to Palixia. And Andossa Se Mitrin Vega won a clear victory over Lexington SC, six goals to one.

It was a quiet day in Mirria, with the sun shining, and little cloud cover, most of the citizens were staying inside trying to escape the heat. So to was Sam, who had just finished lunch and plopped down on the couch to watch the national team play against some nation call Bostopia when the doorbell rang. Not really wanting to be disturbed, Sam just sat there on the couch and expected the person to leave, but a minute later the doorbell rang again.

"Alright alright I'm coming." Sam as he got up off the couch and made the trip over to door. Expecting some sales person, he was quite suprised to see his girlfriend, Alex.

"Oh hey hun, come on in."
"Thank you."
"So how come you came over without a phone call?"
"Sam, we need to talk."
"Oh shit, what did I do? Please tell me you're not going to break up with me!"
"Shut up Sam and listen. I love you and want to have a future with you..."
"Then what's the problem?"
"Ever since this World Cup thing has started, I've heard nothing from you. No phone calls, no emails, not even soo much as a letter. You could of been killed and I wouldn't of known!"
"Yeah, about that. See, I was going to call you, but I got lost in the crowd after we stunned Hockey Canada with a draw. I just found my way back home yesterday."
"That's a terrible excuse Sam. It's either me or the football. Now which will it be?"
...

Cuation Throw Points Away

Cuation look set to settle for third place as Cuation have already thrown away five points and are behind Sliponia as they languish in fourth with five games gone. The game against Oliverry was an expected loss but only two wins, a draw with Lisburn and this latest result bring doubt on Cuation with Milchama unbeaten.

Cuation can not afford to lose any points and have to hope for a drop in form from their main rival to have any chance now of getting second place. This time Cuation can't claim to have dominated the match, the one brief period they did led to the sucker punch counter attack that cost them.

Facing a fierce crowd, Cuation played on a wet away pitch, both sides scrapping in midfield, using the wet surface to try long shots in the hope the keeper spilled. Both defences dropped deep to prevent rebounds but both keepers had to make countless saves from long shots.

Al Baqir was man of the match with his passing and defending so most of Cuation's game play came from Giovanni and it was he who created Cuation's best chance, jinxing inside from the right and hitting a powerful curler that Yusuf Ibrahim did well to parry but he did even better, leaping to his feet to block Rual Mendiz's low volley from the rebound.

The ever deadly Al Mansur had a shot from just outside the box deflected past the wrong footed Jude by Cheese's lunge attempted block, the ball looping against the bar with Yan clearing the ball over the bar. During the second half, Cuation started to dominate the game a little but got sucked forward so when Al Baqir intercepted a Fallen pass, Cuation only had two defenders in their own half.

A quick through ball to Alim Ramses ibn Yusuf with Neville stranded up field meant the break was on, Yan going to cover as the forward cut inside. Doing the defender for pace, his early low cross eluded Saif Abd al-Karim but Cheese's sliding tackle was poor, nicking the ball straight to Al Mansur, his slow shot surprisingly slipping under Jude's body.

Jude had a good game but for the goal and he clearly knew he had been at fault as Cuation threw everything forward. Pual Keane, Anderton and Neville came on for Neville, Yan and Cheese, Jude asked to act as a sweeper. In the last few seconds, Jude even acted as an emergency forward but only real chance came.

A long cross by Butcher fell amongst several players and eventually found its way to Pual Keane, unmarked on the six yard box. He snatched at his effort and fired it over when he should have hit the target, the once new Mendiz clearly fading in form.

RP Cutoff for Matchday Six!

Score avalible here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11593386#post11593386)

Apoligies for the delay, Jolt server update, kinda stopped me counting your wonderful RPs

Nedalian Military Denies Involvement in Lions Victory

In seperate reports, witness did claim to have seen an object flying over the stadium in the first half, as well as a fighter jet in the 2nd half, which just leaves this specific reporter confused. Commander Horacio did have one more thing to say, albeit without him knowing we were right behind him:

"Mission Accomplished."


Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

News Section

Gonnenberg under pressure to get better missiles

After reports of last night's Nedalia victory over Az-Cz using their high tech missiles, Great Leader Tim Gonnenberg has been under pressure to pressure teams to lose to them because of military intervention.

People on the street have been livid that Milchama has never used this tactic to this point, "Goddamnit! We didn't even qualify last World Cup and now people are using missiles, and guns to win games. Who knows what will be next, maybe Casari will use spy sattelites to spy on all the teams. Anyway, we need to catch up to this technology and the only person holding us back is Gonnenberg. Come on man get with the program!"

Gonnenberg, however, was quick to deny that the military can help influence results, "Look at the US against Ghana, they said that they would stop all aid to Ghana if Ghana won that World Cup match and Ghana still won. I just don't think that military intervention can work. Anyway, with our army about to be taxed to the limit against Starblaydia and the whole war we can't go wasting weapons on soccer matches. Go yourselves, by a couple of missiles from terrorists and shoot them if you want to, I'm not getting involved."

Gonnenberg is expected to lose next year's election.

OOC: I have almost no time for RP so I will probably do one tomarrow


VN3 Los Mexico 0

The Eagles win after Freemont scores Hat Trick

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"So.... Fr. John.... Quakmybush...."

"Entertaining enough match. Fr. Nicholas - the upstarts score midway through the first half, we equalise early in the second half through an extraordinary free-kick from Fr. Fyodor the Wonder Worker, we dominate the rest of the match, but their goalkeeper plays what I believe secular sports writers refer to as 'a blinder', and keeps the final score to 1-1, and due to other results - notably the continued inability of Hockey Canada to win matches - we stay top of the group. But that's not what I want to talk about today."

"It isn't? But this is a football show, Fr. John - we're supposed to talk about football. In an appropriately God-fearing monastic context, of course."

"Be as that may, Fr. Nicholas, I want to talk about something else."

"And what's that?"

"Did you realise that we're being watched?"

"Watched, Fr. John?"

"Yes...... watched?"

"Who by? The Anathematic Republics, Magnus Valerius? The Holy Empire? New Montreal States?"

"None of those, Fr. Nicholas.... we're being watched by Dorian and Sonya?"

"But why's that, Fr. John? They're not Orthodox as far as we know. In fact, most of them don't even seem to be human. If I'm not mistaken, they claim to be some sort of 'Elves' - whatever that means."

"Indeed, Fr. Nicholas. And there was much discussion during the Nationstates Summer Olympics in Casari as to whether they even had souls."

"And the conclusion?"

"I believe a committee of the Holy Synod is still studying the matter, but I've been doing my own research, Fr. Nicholas."

"And your conclusion, then?"

"As with the Holy Synod, I remain undecided. I have been studying what may or may not - information on some of these nations is so hard to gain - be a Dorian and Sonya creation myth called the Ainulindalë. This seems to be an odd mixture of heretical Catholicism and what we might consider a pagan western European cosmology."

"Odd indeed, Fr. John."

"If it is a Dorian and Sonya creation tale, then the crucial point is whether these 'Ainur', 'Valar' and 'Maiar' figures are to be understood as gods or angels. If the former, then Dorian and Sonyans are clearly pagan, if the latter, then they might well be misguided monotheists and might well be more convertable than we thought. This 'Melkor' character, for example, clearly seems to be a Satan-figure, which would very much make the other figures angels of some sort."

"Worthy of further research, Fr. John."

"Indeed it is, Fr. Nicholas. Which is why the Holy Synod has already translated the Paschal greeting into an Elven language called 'Sindarin'. If the Elves of Dorian and Sonya do have souls and can be converted, they will be able to celebrate the resurrection in their own language. Or one of their languages. Or a language they might be able to translate. In any case, it runs as follows:

Si Cuielen na i hiro o coi!
Ele, Si Cuielan!"

"And football, Fr. John, shall we return to football?"

"Maybe tomorrow, Fr. Nicholas. I think I've worked out my speaking voice for today....."

New Montreal States 5 LSC 1

WEll we didnt think we stood much of a chance, and we didnt and got or tails handed to us for the 2d straight match. New Montreal States showed no mercy, and struck the 'Cats down 5-1. The lone goal came in the 53rd minute on a header off a free kick by Anthony Marinelli. The 'Cats, all wearing a black 01 on their sleeves to honor Mike Chaps, killed in the terrorist blast, were sloppy and no match for the world's #7 team.

Goal Scorers

Current total: 10

T. Griggs 6
T. Trudeau 2
W. Belue 1
A. Marinelli 1

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif


Q&A: Flock Flying Top of the Table



Q: Mr. Vumaou, you made the choice to enter a flock of... cocoabo's in the World Cup Qualifying campaign this season as opposed to using a traditional Turorian civilian squad. You won the first game in Turori, but then got embarassed on the road. What did you... say?... to the creatures after the defeat to get them in such a good run of form?



A: Well, thank you for your question Taetona. For those of you who don't know, Taetona is an intern here at the FA media center and is doing some reporting for the website, aren't you Taetona? (nods) Anyway, it's a good question. I think the first game against the Elves proved that the birds could play. I think the second game, the loss to Northern Caesarea, obviously showed nothing less than the fact that they could also be beaten. Well, theres not much that you can say to a cocoabo really, they just kind of know. They've been trained well and they just had an off day. I think the results from there speak for themselves.


Q: Well, Mr. Vumaou, as this is the first time you, or any representative from the Turorian Football Association has appeared to the press since the defeat against Northern Caesarea, it would appear that the results have had to speak for themselves. However, now that you're hear, how about we start from the top? A fine result against an ancient power, Kaze Progressa. The final result was Turori 4 - 0 Kaze Progressa. Do you think the result was a fair reflection of the teams performance on the day?



A: Well of course! I've been training this flock since the close of World Cup 28, and it was just a technicality that prevented us getting into World Cup 29 qualifications. I think we could have done a job and gotten some good experience if we had gotten to compete in the World Cup 29 qualifiers, and perhaps that experience would have gotten us three points against Northern Caesaria, but as you well know, hindsight is always 20/20 so we could never say with 100% certainty that that would have been the case. Obviously we're pleased with the result against Kaze Progressa. It was a match that we absolutely had to win, not only to get our confidence back a bit but also mathematically. The Progressans were always going to be favored to advance to the finals, and so if we've any chance of getting there ourselves we're always going to have to pull off the upset. The flock was prepared, and the crowd was certainly in full force and we certainly didn't dissapoint. I think it was a comprehensive victory against an opposition that perhaps didn't give the flock as much credit as they should have and we took well advantage of it.



Q: A fair point. You've had a run of home matches in the first half of qualifying so far, and combined with the wins over Kaze Progressa and the Elves Security Forces, the result Turori 6 - 0 The Island of Ishtar made it thirteen goals scored and just one conceded at home. How do you think the first two home matches played on the smashing result over The Island of Ishtar?



A: Well, I think the matches have come at just the right time. I think the Kaze Progressans came in a bit overconfident after we'd been defeated by lower seeded Northern Caesarea. But then the win over The Progressans I think did worlds to put any hopes of an upset out of the minds of the Island of Ishtar. Perhaps when they saw us against Northern Caesarea, in Northern Caesarea, they may have circled our date as something they might have been able to steal something from. But when they saw us at home against Kaze Progressa, knowing they'd have to travel to the Cednia Beach Center just one matchday later, I think they made a quick change of plans and put in a few of their fringe players, resting their starters for the subsequent matches against Kaze Progressa and Sarzonia, who they've done us worlds of good for by drawing and sitting us pretty in standings as a result. So they've really been our friends, backing off and allowing us to run up the goal differential in our 6-0 result, and in consequence, allowing their starters to be fresh against Sarzonia and stealing a point that could come back in the end to prove important in the final standings.


Q: Farstra are virtual unknowns to the Nation States World Cup scene, but even still there were certainly no shortage of doubters going into the match, the first for you and your players on foreign soil since the dissapointing loss against Northern Caesarea. However, you certainly made the doubters act the fool with the Farstra 0 - 5 Turori scoreline at the end of the day. Why do you think your squad was able to cope so much better on the road than they did against Northern Caesarea?


A: Well, quite simply, the answer is they really didn't. Sure, they looked a bit more comfortable, but in the end they were still a bit shaky, the real difference was in the opposition. Farstra came into the match unprepared and totally dumbfounded really. I don't think we'll see them around much in the future as their attempts to put together a squad really was pretty pathetic. I don't mean to say bad things about Farstra, but I think the local U-11's in Wunokalsa Waridi could have put up a better fight against the flock. I'm glad they were able to come away with three points, and another five confidence boosting goals, but the important thing was the 90 minutes of experience on foreign soil to prepare us for the match against Sarzonia.


Q: We'll get to the Sarzonia match in a minute, Coach Vumaou, theres still the match against Allocer to deal with. Turori 3 - 1 Allocer, Not the most impressive result?

A: Well, obviously, no it's not the most impressive result, but it's still a win and three points towards the standings. In all truth, Allocer weren't much better than Farstra, but they did have one or two players with a bit of potential, perhaps. I mean, I'm sure you noticed we started a completely new set of players in the match, not trying to overwork our starters ahead of the all important match against Sarzonia, which we'll obviously be gunning for three points to keep us in pole position going into the second half of qualifications, but it's all still to play for, and anything can still happen. We were gifted a result from the Island of Ishtar to give us a head start on Sarzonia, but we've still got to play them twice. Our fate is in our own control right now, and we've just got to do our job and take our points now.

Q: Well, quite frankly Mr. Vumaou, we weren't really aware that it was a second eleven, as we really haven't been introduced to any of the members of your squad yet, when do you anticipate this happening?

A: When? When the lads can walk into this room without getting hounded about questions on their personal matters and what type of pie they prefer. Don't you lot remember why we started this experiment two cups ago? Good grief, I've nearly thanked the media for something. let me get out of this room before I say something I might regret, good day scum.



http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXx :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11562153&postcount=76)

World Cup xXx :: The Turori Story
- (1) Jualiar Vumaou Named as Turori Head Coach! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11550142&postcount=58)
- (2) Vumaou enters Legends Shootout (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=64)
- (3) What the Hell are those?! ... and where are the eels... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=143)
- (4) Vumaou's Flock in Caesarean Ripping (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=204)
- (5) Q&A: Flock Flying Top of the Table (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=344)

Digging out after the Bomb


Lexington Sports Sentinel


Wildcat starting defenceman Sir Mike Chaps had just steped outside to receive a phone call. It was the last anyone ever saw of him. When the Al-Irmo terrorists set of their bombs only 200 yards away, Chaps was buried under a massive pile of rubble. This caused massive internal injuries, and Chaps died of a collapsed lung.
Investigators know now the nature of the bomb. It was over 6 tons of fertilizer and gasoline, although it is still unclear how the terrorists aquired the materials needed, and the 18-wheelers. There was remote detanator in each truck and the terrorists detonated them from a safe distance. None of the six terrorists at the stadium have been arested, but one outside the stadium has been identified. The mastermind of the plot- a 22 year old female named Jordan Hendrix, a Lexitonian dissident and former citizen of Arlibastan, conquered by Lexington SC in 2002. Her whearabout are unknown.

Casualties at this point:
Lexitonian
23,674 Dead
51,432 Wounded
764 Missing
Valerian
1002 Dead
4753 Wounded
102 Missing

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Floren! He's back?! What the hell?!

In an overly defensive struggle, the Milchama Warriors defeated the Cuation Warlords 1-0 by a goal in the 89th minute by Marc J. Floren. Yes that's right for the third consecutive world cup since he retired, he has scored again this time even more improbable than in World Cup 28 when he got beamed down by aliens onside to score. Coach Jamie Smith said, "It happened again, every single cup he freaking scores! It's unfreiking believable! I mean who else do you know who has scored 4 goals since they went into retirement and have not officially started a game since. At this point I'm almost expecting Silas Milckey to come back and make a key save for us. I mean come on how does a..." Now announcer Claude Monet tells us what happened in the "how they scored"

89th minute: It's been a close contest throughout with both sides coming close to scoring but neither breaking through. Now its Milchama with the ball again, Clufor over to Kilinin as she goes past the halfway li- what the hell is that? It looks like a big missile is coming over the field, actually its going on the field and there's a person on the missile. This looks like suicide but the missile has not exploded and is in fact right on the halfway line in the center of the field, I have no idea how this has happened but a person has gotten off it and IT'S MARC J. FLOREN!!! He's gotten the ball of a shocked Kilinin, and now its 11 on 11 again (Nielson picked up a knock) as Floren flies past a shocked Cuation defense. The keeper is now realizing what is happening and is trying to stop it but can't as Floren shoots from about 15 yards out and IT'S IN! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-0 Milchama! Marc J. Floren has come back again, this time off the back of a missile fired by terrorists to score a goal to make it 1-0 Milchama.

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Floren 89)
Cuation 0 (Fairbanks here we come)

Raging Penguins Report:
The tank formation worked again as the Team defeated The Doja 2-0. This tank formation is working wonders, whoever thought of it is a genius.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Marc J. Floren scored a brilliant goal in the 89th minute despite the controversy that surrounded it. And this time there was no weird post game comments, outside of Fr. Constatine and Fr. David I know where you are, I will find you and get you. And you can't go wrong with a veiled death threat because those are awesome. Yeh Floren!

Investigation in missile launching

Minority leader Eli Gohel as called for an investigation into the launching of the missiles into the Cuation match. Gohel said the missiles, "were probably launched by terrorists or extreme Milchama soccer fans after our "Great Leader" urged them too. We need to stop this kind of behavior because the next missile fired by actually be deadly and we are playing Oliverry tommorow so anything could happen."

The investigation is currently scouting the Eastern countryside looking for suspects.

Big celebration and riot planned for Fairbanks return

Jonathan Fairbanks, the former head coach of the Milchama senior and U21 teams is coming back to coach in Milchama for the first time since World Cup 25. In Soldierim Field in Chi the populace and has planned a celebratory to express both the anger and happiness that Fairbanks brought to them as the coach of Milchama. One man said, "We need this, we need to scare the damn Frenchies so that we can beat them. We all know Oliverrians are weak and we can't wait."

The riot has been planned for before the game for Coach Fairbanks and for after the game. Although the one after the game will either be an angry or happy riot depending on the result of the game. Either way much property will be destroyed and few deaths may be caused as a result of this.

Chicanada Daily Rabbler
Where Good News Dies In A Hurry

And....We're Done
Lookit that! We'll never make two in a row!

Eastentown - For the love of Dominic!

Chicanadans around the country are rolling their eyes in disgust as the OSers found new and inventive ways to blow a lead, seeing 3 goals in yet another ten minute span - this time at the end of the show - to fall to AO rivals The Lowland Clans 3-2 and pretty much seal our luck out of the Finals.

Is it too early, since it's technically Game 6 of qualifiers? Sure. Like we care. Considering Malli's Army did all it could to lose the damn thing, the National Team currently sits happily in 4th place, 6 behind leaders Liverpool, 3 behind Lowlands and 2 behind Spaamanian Plijous, who won their match. Which apparently after two 1-0 wins the OSers forgot how to do.

Michael Klobee continues to be the main bright spot - along with keeper Niome Washington (regardless of our teams defenders) - scoring both goals. His first was a lovely header in the 35th minute. He followed in the 53rd minute with a free kick-turned-header.

However, the OS defense took a lap in the 80th minute, allowing The Lowlanders a nice chance to sneak three in at the 83rd, 86th and in extra time to steal what had been a win and make the public ready to have to give up on them yet again.

It'll be interesting to see if Malli does quit when the OSers fail to make it to Cup Final #4 (and what would be our second in a row). Current bets have the OS side falling right back down to #36 before the CoH/WC Finals. And the CFA have already ruled out a CoH run, so expect the side to be prettily ranked in the mid 40s. Yay us!!

Official Orange Stars Schedule (International sites listed if known)
MD01 T 2-2 Winchestia (@ Winchestia National Stadium, Wendle)
MD02 W 4-2 Spaamanian Plijous (@ Red Bull Stadium, Aspern)
MD03 L 0-1 Liverpool England (@ Southampton National Square)
MD04 W 1-0 Hiiraan
MD05 W 1-0 Benlandngdo
MD06 L 3-2 The Lowland Clans
MD07 v Errinundera (@ Lis Stadia, Acadia)
MD08 v Winchestia (@ Island Clan Stadia, Palace Heights)
MD09 @ Spaamanian Plijous
MD10 @ Liverpool England
MD11 v Hiiraan (@ Easten National Plaza, Eastentown)
MD12 v Benlandngdo (@ Strikers Fieldhouse, Star Point)
MD13 v The Lowland Clans (@ Douala Grand Palace)
MD14 @ Errinundera

Tommorow is the beginning of a desperate two game homestand. For Chicanda to pretend they have a chance to make the finals they need to sweep Errinundera and Winchestia before the return match against Spaamanian Plijous.

In slightly more aggravating news, Risa-Aramour (and I swear I'll rp them in a second) scored a nifty 5-3 victory against Tocapa to create a 3-team logjam behind Krytenia. Of course, techincally they are in 4th based on GD but the fact they have one more win than us is disturbing on a level we in Chicanada probably can't stand.

Az-cz Scroll
August 25, 2006
San Haven
Em-Nm

Normality restored with win over San Haven

After the stunning game against Nedalia, the Pink & Green travelled out on the road versus the unranked San Haven squad. Like the opening match against Candrian Empire Az-cz was expected to roll. And like the match against Candrian Empire, they found a way to win, but made it difficult.
However unlike the Candrian Empire game where it was the offense that struggled, today it was the defense that was under standards. In the 9th minute San Haven delighted their home fans by firing in a goal where Gn-Lg just totally didn't react properly.
Amazingly they doubled their lead in the 23rd minute when Pizelkaxrovsky picked up a yellow card and gave San Haven a free kick from just outside the box.
Az-cz quickly cut the mood of the San Haven fans a bit. They took the following kickoff straight up the field. Kn-Dg swooped in on the goal and fired back the first Az-cz goal, with assists from Ox-Rx and Uz-Gz.
The second goal came at the 32 minute mark with Pizelkaxrovsky and Kn-Dg setting up a beautiful shot for Uz-Gz to drill home. With that the score was even again and the San Haven fans were slowly loosing their nerve.
The final score came just before the halftime whistle. Zax-Im got a quick relay up to Pizelkaxrovsky who then swung it to Kn-Dg who added his second goal of the game and put Az-cz in the lead for the first time.
And there it would stay. Both teams attacked hard in the second half, with Az-cz putting balls off the post and San Haven putting goals into Gn-Lg, but neither team found the net again. Levesque took Bn-Dg out for Az-If and Ox-Rx for Bub-Rub but that didn't increase the offense. Then in the 80th minute he took Uz-Gz off for At-Zm and put the game into kill mode, which they were able to do.
This result once again puts Az-cz at .500. However with a game against Bedistan coming up, they expect to be under .500 going into the break. They need to improve on their form in the second half and try to steal points against the teams ahead of them if they want to make it into the top half of their qualifying group.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 3 San Haven 2
Az-cz scorers 24, 44 Kn-Dg 32 Uz-Gz
Possession Az-cz 52% San Haven 48%
Shots Az-cz 11 San Haven 11
Corners Az-cz 1 San Haven 1

Southern Republican
A subsidary of the Chicanadan Daily Rabbler

Janbos score a 5-3 thriller
National Side stays in hunt for second slot

Santi de Coloja - The national longhorns, and yes, we prefer the Janbos nickname given by fans to Olani P'jan's playthings, scored a rather lovely 5-3 victory over lower-side Tocapa to keep them in play for the Finals in third try.

Ashlen T'lail scored a hattrick to build his goals total to 9 for the Janbos and backup Avic J'ials covered nicely in the second half as the Tripartiars* broke a 3-all tie to move into their fourth win of the current qualification period.

Next in the first half of qualifying is Krytenia, a team comming off a surprise tie that keeps the Janbos within three points of the top slot. The match is set for the grand Governess Palace in Colombo, Risian Kingdom and is expected to draw plenty of fans to FanFests planned in Peace Harbour, Rosa City, throughout the Aramourian lands and over in Chisinau, who are opening up the Southern Heart Stadia for the showing - which will be the first time in use for the new home of Dinamo and City.

Risa-Aramour schedule
MD01 W 4-0 Eseck
MD02 T 2-2 Spaam (@ National Stadia, Government District)
MD03 W 1-0 Vuam and Isma (@ Eden Stadia, Rosa City)
MD04 W 2-0 Peturbed Leopard (@ Yellowjacket Stadium, San Felipe)
MD05 L 0-4 Rorysville
MD06 W 5-3 Tocapa
MD07 v Krytenia (@ Governess Palace, Colombo)
MD08 v Eseck (@ Renault Stadium, Tiraspol)
MD09 @ Spaam
MD10 @ Vuam and Isma
MD11 @ Peturbed Leopards
MD12 v Rorysville (@ Austo Vielin Grounds, Heart City)
MD13 v Tocapa (@ Peace Harbour Stadia)
MD14 @ Krytenia

RAFL leadership has been impressed with P'jan's handling of the side since retiring from international football for her native Chicanada, and rumor has it the federationb plans to offer a three-cup extension. Considering she just re-uped her contract with reigning RAFL Champions 64 Tiraspol for two years, many expect her to stay in the fashionable capital of the Southern Republic for many a year to come.

*Risa-Aramour is a three republic state - Risian Kingdom, Aramourian Kingdom and the autonomous Southern Grand Republic. Since the state is the Triparte Confederacy the official name for the population is Tripartiars.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Execrable Sports Publication

Rookies Too Good For Lepoard

A team of rookies were the starters against the still goalless Peturbed
Lepoard at Artanis National Stadium last night. With the Waffles unbackable
favourites, coach Pengelley felt she could give the less used players some top
level experience. The defense was perfect, as Gurvey, Warne, Hollow, and
Pender made sure the ball came nowhere near the goal, and those few times
it did, 17 year old Massen Pascoe made short work of gathering it. The
offense had some trouble penetrating, however, but Eseld Retallack gained
her second goal of the season just before half time, to send the Waffles up.

With the Spaamanian players fresh, Peturbed Lepoard were run ragged trying
to prevent a blow out, and they did a remarkable jog at that. With the score
kept at one nil late in the game, it was only a late substitution of Tehta
Trevelyan that settled the issue, as he score in the 84th minute. The result
was never in doubt, but it was an entertaining match, and the Lepoards were
given a standing ovation as they left the field.

Spaam 2 - 0 Peturbed Lepoard
(20 Retallack 42; 1 Trevelyan 84)

Results

Group Five
Eseck 0 - 3 Vuam and Isma
Krytenia 1 - 1 Rorysville
Tocapa 3 - 5 Risa-Aramour

Vuam and Isma had no trouble against the hosts, Eseck, walking away with a
three goal haul. Meanwhile, Rorysville ended Krytenia's perfect run, taking
them to a one all draw, and Risa-Aramour had to score five goals to overcome
Tocapa. Krytenia stays on top naturally, with a three point buffer against
the three-way tie for second. Spaam, Rorysville, and Risa-Aramour are all
tied on thirteen points, though the Waffles have a much superior goal
difference. Vuam and Isma are still in touch, though four points behind, while
Eseck, Tocapa, and the still goalless Peturbed Lepoard make up the bottom
three.

Group One
Spaamanian Plijous 4 - 1 Benlandngdo
Errinundera 1 - 0 Hiiraan

Group Ten
Quakmybush 1 - 1 The Archregimancy

A four goal haul to Alan Belmore was enough to see them comfortably defeat
Benlandngdo, and send them to third position, one point off qualifying, while
Errinundera did just enough to beat the winless Hiiraan, winning one nil. And
Quakmybush showed their qualifying credentials, drawing with the heavily
favoured Archregimancy, and keeping them one point of qualifying, and two
off top position.

Next Week

Next week sees the Waffles travelling to Vuam and Isma in a must win game
for both teams. Spaam is obviously the favourite, but V&I are on a winning
streak, so expect an exciting match. Risa-Aramour will have trouble when
they host the unbeaten Krytenia, with the visitors overwhelming favourites,
while Peturbed Lepoard have one of their best chances to score a goal when
they face Tocapa. And Rorysville will probably stay in qualifying position
when they host the inexperienced Eseck.

In other matches, its a Heartland derby when Liverpool England host
Spaamanian Plijous outside of the Heartland, with the former world champs
likely to walk over the Gulls. Chicanada take on Errinundera in an important
game for both teams, though Errinundera are at long odds. And Demot host
the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks, in a chance for the Sharks to take back
their qualifying spot.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 5 1 0 18 4 14 16 82
Spaam 4 1 1 16 3 13 13 84
Rorysville 4 1 1 12 5 7 13 71
Risa-Aramour 4 1 1 14 9 5 13 61
Vuam and Isma 3 0 3 9 7 2 9 56
Eseck 1 1 4 4 18 -14 4 18
Tocapa 0 1 5 6 19 -13 1 24
Peturbed Lepoard 0 0 6 0 14 -14 0 0

Goal Scorers

6 Tehta Trevelyan (1)
4 Crewenna Roskelly (4)
2 Mar'h Menadue (14)
2 Eseld Retallack (20)
1 Jenifer Uren (7)
1 Gorran Chegwidden (2)

History

01 Spaam 4-0 Rorysville
02 Risa-Aramour 2-2 Spaam
03 Krytenia 1-0 Spaam
04 Tocapa 0-2 Spaam
05 Spaam 6-0 Eseck
06 Spaam 2-0 Peturbed Lepoard
07 Vuam and Isma vs Spaam
08 Rorysville vs Spaam
09 Spaam vs Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam vs Krytenia
11 Spaam vs Tocapa
12 Eseck vs Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard vs Spaam
14 Spaam vs Vuam and Isma

IT'S.... WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Basil and Theo


"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Say, it's nice and toasty warm here. Who did you say we were playing tonight?"

"The Anathematic Republics"

"And this is the Anathematic Republics, Basil?"

"No, Theo, I believe this is Hell."

"Really, Basil? But everyone's been so welcoming to the team, and you certainly can't complain about the climate."

"And I do believe the team boss is coming over to have a chat with us! An exclusive interview with.... What did you say his name was again, Theo?"

"Erm.... says here on the team information sheet that his name's Satan, Prince of Darkness...

"Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
If you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or Ill lay your soul to waste"

"Well hello there - I'm glad to say that we're perfectly prepared to be courteous; and we're both known for our impeccable taste. I'm Basil, and this is Theo, by the way"

"Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name."

"Well yes.... Satan, Prince of Darkness."

"Just call me Lucifer
Cause I'm in need of some restraint"

"If you say so. So, Lucifer, how do you see this match panning out?"

"But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game"

"Theo and I certainly agree that your squad's tactics are a mystery to us... Oooooh - I wouldn't go over there, Mr. Lucifer.... no, no, I wouldn't touch that box.... You wouldn't like it very much.... OUCH - that must sting; don't think we'll be seeing him in the broadcast booth for a while. And now on to the match...."

90 minutes later

"Ooooooh, Theo..... that was a close one!"

"Absolutely, Basil, 3-2, with the winner for the home side coming in the last five minutes after a pulsating match where both sides traded the lead. A goal for "Hot" Totty, another for Curcuaso, but those Anathematic Republics players deserved the win in the end."

"They certainly were welcoming, weren't they, Theo? I've never seen an opposing squad be so enthusiastic about our players' main careers. Why, that half-time orgy was certainly an eye-opener, and the home crowd practically demanded a striptease from our back three."

"According to a statement I have here, Basil, Mr. Lucifer has said that he - and I quote - "Hopes to welcome the entire current Imperial team here for a very, very, very long time indeed in the future, and that they should know they're always welcome for a return visit". Well, isn't that nice? Though apparently we're not so welcome"

"That's right, Theo. Apparently the Holy Water, Holy Crosses, and small collection of Holy Icons we were hiding in the studio made Mr. Lucifer rather angry - but if the team don't care much for their immortal souls, we're rather more cautious. Silly us."

"So for Basil and me, it's goodnight from the Anathematic Republics!"

MC: Congratulations on the team for another win. It's been up and down so far, but we've had some ups, so that's quite nice. Along with the usual two Man of the Match Kn-Dg will be joining us today.

Levesque: Well we got the job done today, but it wasn't pretty. That's the worst are defense has played ever. But the offense stepped up and saved us. Unfortunately if we're going to steal points from the teams above us we'll need to do better on both sides of the ball.

Az-cz reporter 1: Was there any lingering effect from the Nedalia incident?

Levesque: I don't believe so. I think the team put it behind us. There haven't been any more incidents from Nedalia so we're moving on.

Az-cz reporter 2: What are your thoughts about Bedistan?

Levesque: We need to get lucky and play better. We're just not getting it done at this point. Outside of the Alasdair I Frosticus game we haven't played to our potential once. That has to change.

Az-cz reporter 3: Any change on Stanleyinho's condition?

Levesque: He's still not fit yet, no. Maybe he'll be back for the next Alasdair I Frosticus game, but don't count on anything.

Az-cz reporter 4: What was the problem with the defense today?

Levesque: Well Gn-Lg's timing seemed off and we made some sloppy tackles. There weren't a whole lot of horrible plays, but there weren't many good plays either.

Az-cz reporter 5: Are you suprised by your position now?

Kn-Dg: Honestly yes. I thought we'd be able to take points against some of the teams above of us. Anathematics has come out quite strong and we just missed a chance against Nebuleux. They've given up points to San Haven so we ought to be able to take points off of them.

Az-cz reporter 6: What's the mood of the team at this point?

Zax-Im: We're feeling ok. We're still competitive. We need to improve, but things aren't going horribly. We're in fourth place right now. If we can finish there we'll be fine. So there's no panic. Just a knowledge that we need to improve.

MC: Alright, last question.

Az-cz reporter 7: What are your targets for the second half?

Levesque: Improvement. The goal of mid 20s that we set for ourselves is looking out of reach at this point. But if we can improve we've still got a decent chance to finish above .500. And that would be nice. So that's what we're looking at. Hopefully we'll start in that direction against Bedistan.

Jay looked down the long hallway and whistled. "What the hell do you do here anyway?"

"Various things." Sonya said, looking around. "Where the hell did they move the coffee maker?" she muttered, grabbing some guy in a lab coat as he walked past. "Hey, buddy, where's the coffee maker?" The man in the lab coat just shook his head and walked off, carring a folder full of papers. "Useless bastard. Anyway, we have a number of various evil plots and technological breakthroughs that you will need to be filled in on if you are to work here." She said, handing them safety goggles.

"What will we need these for?" Rob said, putting them on and looking around.

"Well, some of them involve industrial chemicals and whatnot, and in all seriousness, getting them in your eyes would stink." She said, opening a door. Jay and Rob followed her in. "In here is our motion capture lab. We use data collected here to make even more amazing and irresistable cup-in-review movies."

"Damn, that's how you do it." Jay said, messing around with a motion-capture suit hanging from the hook. Quickly, Sonya led them down the hall and opened the next door.

"In here, we operate our global chain of spy sattelites which we use to take pictures of our opponents practices, and generally getting blackmail material about what foriegn players are doing with their mistresses. I think we have a new series of images coming in from Bettia at the moment." One of the techs seated at a console snickered.

One by one, she led them from room to room, giving more and more outlandish explinations on what was going on therein.

"In here, scientists are working in conjunction with Hydra Sport in attempts to impregnate our kits and shoes with hydrogen gas, making them lighter and easier to play in."

---

"In here, we examine the effect that differences in stitch patterns have on ball flight and spin."

---

"Here, we're working to see if landers sent to meteors can redirect their trajectory with massive solar sails and direct them onto the stadiums of teams that we don't like."

---

"These two labs are being used to test faster-than-light communication technologies, allowing us to get match reports from around the world instantly, and adjust strategy."

---

"This lab is running experiments on neural implants and their feasability for on-pitch telepathic communication to better hide our strategy from the opposing team."

---

"Here, a team of linguists are constructing a language for the national team to use while abroad so foreign spies cannot understand anything we're saying, and therefore cannot use them against us.

---

"This team of theologians are researching the Bible in order to find us some sort of religious advantage over the forces of Orthodoxy."

---

"In here, we keep our piece of the True Cross."

"Wait, wait, how did we get a piece of the True Cross?" Rob said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh god. That'd take a complete matchday to explain."

"Well, why don't you keep it in the room with all the religious people?"

"We did, it was too distracting for them."

---

"Here, we're working on an interdimensional portal to steal the greatest soccer stars from an alternate universe, bring them here, brainwash them, and make them play for Casari."

"Is this the whole Dutch thing?" Jay said, looking at the gigantic metal portal.

"Hell no, that would be much to simple." Sonya said.

---

"Hmmm... someone turned the light off in here... Oh, wait, this is just the break room. Hey, the coffee maker. Okay, we'll take a break here."

Rob rubbed his temples slowly. "And where the hell did all the money for this come from?"

"Well, we have to spend 500 billion dollars of military budget somewhere, you know."

Inside the Burnwood Institute...

There where what could have been a ton of books if they had not been de-bigulated. And then one of the researches had a revelation...

"We already KNOW magic!"

What the researcher was going on about was the mice without reasilsing had already managed to control Magic. The Bigulation device was actually a magical device, a sort of Magitech, or Magical Technology. It seemed that the mice already had an innate ability with magic and it was only a matter of time till they could take further steps in it's study.

The BurnWood institute had developed a Sikiren Detector. It detected Sikiren magic in other detectors, in the bigulation devices and the startling fact was that all the mice it was pointed at detected Sikiren magic, not only had the mice the ability to naturally handle the magic but they where magical themselves. Whether this has anything to do with their sentience, or whether it has anything to do with Rejistani Myths on the subject of Sikiren Magic.

They had a book that detailed rejistani myths, one of these Myths the story of Sdaram, a man who was an expert warrior and in an act of self-sacrifice offered his life to save his tribe. Which was about to be the target of an invasion by a larger more powerful force. The invasion came and a magical lightning bolt, refered to a Nenerivakansa, struck the warrior killing him but all the members of the tribe had skills dramatically increased giving the skills necessary to fight off the invading tribe.

Research into Sikiren Magic is on going... and none of them where even vaguely aware of the 2-0 loss in the world cup qualifiers

((OOC_ can;t sign in again- Tynelia RP))


“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing World Cup 30 group play coverage. Today Tynelia found a way to bounce back after tough losses to Bettia and Starblaydia with a promising 2-0 win on the road against Awal KB. This win moves Tynelia back into third as Nikea was surprised by a 1-1 draw with Wrecker and could only muster a single point today. OF course the top two stayed the same. Shockingly Montegrande actually broke through the formerly invincible Starblaydia defense though Starblaydia won by a comfortable 3-1 margin and Bettia easily beat Tynelia’s next opponent Spindomia 3-0 to remain three points ahead of us. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana lee here at the TSW studio. A much better result this time around to finish off the longest road trip of the qualifiers today.”

“Yes Mike, it was very good to see the team bounce back and hopefully quiet the talk of a coming scoring drought. An early goal by Jay Masterson got the team going again and then Alan MacDougal’s addition early in the second half was more than enough for the win here today.”

“You know Dana this brings up an interesting point now. Jim Michaels has just tossed his second straight shutout in two starts while Amy Whiteworth has had trouble keeping the other teams out of the scoring column. Are we seeing a changing of the guard here?”

“I wouldn’t go that far Mike, While Michaels has certainly performed well in his two starts remember he didn’t have to go up against Starblaydia and Bettia back to back which will ruin anyone’s goals against average. With Spindomia next up and in Tynelia expect Whiteworth to get back in the swing of things with a good outing. On the other hand, this may be whiteworth’s final World Cup andthat being the case its good to see that the keeper’s spot is in good hands if Michaels continues his good play. I’m sure Coach Billington is feeling pretty good about his last minute addition to the team.”

“Speaking of the Coach, here is is now live via satellite. Hello Coach.”

<Billington appears on the screen>

“Hello Mike and Dana, things went a bit better out there today than the last couple of times we spoke.”

“That they have Coach. Are you pleased the team has bounced back so well out there today?”

“Of course I am Mike, this has been a tough trip for us especially to start but the team showed what it was made of in what could have been a very tricky game for us. Awal KB could have picked us off if we were still in shock over the last two matches or tired at the end of a long trip. But they came out and got the job done.”

“Why was Jay Masterson pulled so early in the second half there Coach? The game was still only a one goal match at that point?”

“Well Dana, Jay tweaked a hammy while chasing a ball down at the end of the first half. Sitting down at halftime let it stiffen up a bit. He tried playing through it early on but I could see it was bothering him so I sat him. I’ll give him the next match off so that should give him plenty of time to recover for the Nikea match when the second half kicks off. I’ll most likely be going with Greg to replace him out there. Gotta get the youngster’s feet wet at some point. I’ll probably give Donna a rest as well and let Jason show us what he can do as well.”

“Do you think these changes might disrupt the team’s rythmn?”

“I doubt it Mike, everyone knows what everyone else can do out there and the reserves have been mixed in late especially in the two matches before this so I think they’ll be find. This will give the older players two matchdays off in a row so they’ll be fresh when the second half comes around. Maybe I’ll let Stossels the younger start in dear ol dad’s spot too and let that geezer take a break.”

“I don’t think John Stossels will appreciate being called a geezer there Coach. You are eight years older than him.”

“Yeah Dana but he always hated how I’ve always looked younger than my age and he’s always looked older so I make sure I tease him about that when I can.”

“So what do you expect coming back home again and making a debut in the Ice Bowl?”

“At least it’ll be summer Mike so the Ice Bowl shouldn’t be that cold. The fans should be extra fired up since this is the first time any WC match will be played out there. I think this win was a bit of a relief for the team and they should be ready to give the home crowd a show before getting a rest break. We still have to keep winning and hope that either Awal KB can slow up Starblaydia or Nikea do so against Bettia. Right now Bettia is most likely our most realistic shot at catching either of them but we still need to beat them and hope someone other than Starblaydia can trip them up. But at least we’re still in contention and that’s all you can ask for here.”

“Very true Coach and that’s all the time we have for now. Thanks again for visiting with us.”

“Anytime Mike”

<Billington’s image fades>

“You know Dana, Coach Billington has brought up a very good point. If Tynelia wins tomorrow they enter the halfway point with 15 points. The most they’ve ever had at the break and they’d still be on the outside looking in. If they can match that total they’d have an incredible 30 points for the tournament and most likely will still find themselves eliminated because Bettia and Starblaydia are just so strong they’ll dominate the group.”

“Yes its pretty unfortunately about that Mike but that could very well be the case. Assuming Bettia loses to Starblaydia again that leaves them with two losses to Tynelia’s four if we just duplicate the first half. Even if Tynelia does shock people and upset Bettia that won’t be enough as Bettia’s attacking style has built up a huge goal differential advantage over us. They would still need to lose or be held to a draw in one additional match or Tynelia stuns pretty much everyone and gets at least a point off Starblaydia for us to leapfrog them. But that’s stuill a long way ahead. There are four matches before we even run across either of those sides again.”

“But it does bring up the point of how important it is for Tynelia to win all these matches against the lower ranked teams. Any stumble between now and then will almost certainly end any chance Tynelia has at advancing. On the other hand, this has been the strongest effort they’ve ever shown against a group of teams that have tripped them up in the past which has to be encouraging.”

“Yes Mike, this has been the best squad yet so far as far as ‘taking care of the teams below them’ storyline has gone. But as in the past they find themselves having to beat at least one of the top twenty teams in the world or none of this will matter. Homefield may help the team’s confidence this time around as well as the chance to avenge their earlier losses but in no certain terms these will be uphill battles for Tynelia.”

“OK then Dana, how do you see the next match for Tynelia?”

“I feel this will be a winnable match for us. Excited fans at a new venue should fire the team up after being treated to hostile crowds these last three matches. Spindomia has only managed a single win to this point so if the team doesn’t underestimate them I believe Tynelia will repeat today’s 2-0 shutout to finish off the second half. However I don’t expect either Starblaydia or Bettia to do anything other than win their matches so we’ll most likely be trailing them both still as the first half ends but have a nice five point cushion on fourth place Nikea who we can put even further behind us with another win at home to start the second half before going off for a two match road trip.”

“Ok Dana, hopefully your picks will turn out right for us and wrong for the two teams ahead of us. Yes Dana don’t look at me like I’m crazy, I know expecting either of those two teams to do anything but win is unlikely but you have to be optimistic here. Other than ourselves these are the next two highest ranked squads in the group they’re playing. But I suppose we’ll find out when TSW’s continuing live coverage comes to you live from the Ice Bowl up in the curling capital of Damak. And we’ll be here right afterwards for the post game show. So until then this is Mike McPhee and Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly signing off for now. Have a good night everyone.”

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif


FAT Focked by VFA in Hosting Debacle




With the resurgance in interest in the World Cup in Turori after the creature-laden squads strong start to the World Cup xXx qualifying campaign, many Turorian politicians had already started putting the pieces together for a World Cup xXxI hosting bid. The offer was originally made in no official form to the Vilitan Football Association, who respectfully declined stating they had no intention of hosting a major international competition in the immediate future. However, rumors currently circulating seem to declare otherwise. The Vilita National news spark released a breaking story early in the morning hours that a pre-official agreement had been secured between the Vilitan Football Association and the Football Association of the Lowland Clans, Once fierce rivals but now mere colleages in the upper echelon of the sport, to cooperate on a hosting bid for the thirty-first World Cup.

The reaction from the Turorian public has been less than supportive, with many targeting The Lowland Clans as a prime candidate to co-host World Cup 31 with Turori. Now it appears such a massive ally could have been eliminated from the pickings, and furthermore, should the Island Emirate of Turori follow through with its plans to enter a hosting bid for World Cup 31, it would seemingly require them to go head to head in competition with their nearest of neighbors, The Tropics of Vilita. While no official correspondance has been yet attempted by the Football Association of Turori, it is believed that Starblaydia, Bedistan, Bazalonia and Az-Cz are being considered as potential co-hosting conterparts should the Football Association of Turori decide to go head to head with it's fellow Vilitan Cove occupant, the Tropics of Vilita, in the race to host World Cup xXxI.





http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXx :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11562153&postcount=76)

World Cup xXx :: The Turori Story
- (1) Jualiar Vumaou Named as Turori Head Coach! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11550142&postcount=58)
- (2) Vumaou enters Legends Shootout (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=64)
- (3) What the Hell are those?! ... and where are the eels... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=143)
- (4) Vumaou's Flock in Caesarean Ripping (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=204)
- (5) Q&A: Flock Flying Top of the Table (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=344)
- (6) FAT focked by VFA in hosting debacle (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=356)

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons Win Against Pesky Boyers, Take Control of Group 12



This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Magnus Velarius where the Sea Dragons escaped with a much needed win over the surprising Boyers.

The Sea Dragons came into the match knowing well that the Group 12 lead was up for the winner to take control of and Genesis Galluccio made sure the defense did its part to keep the chances to a minimum for the Boyers. Galluccio, Swift, and Vianal were in top form and showed the Boyers just why the ASMV defense is so highly regarded.

Porche Alexander would put the Sea Dragons on the board in the 30th minute on a long pass from wing defender Anika Milosovic. That would be the difference as the sides reached the break and ASMV looked as if they would control the match thoroughly.

But the Boyers had other ideas as they struck early in the second half to even things up. Then the defensive pressure was on from both sides. Neither side wished to lose the match.

But as has happened so often in the past, Pablo Iglesias played the role of hero and lifted ASMV to the win with his shot in the 80th minute. Magnus Velarius couldn’t manage another score and the Sea Dragons escaped with a 2-1 victory.

New Montreal States recovered their form today as they demolished Lexington SC 5-1 and moved into third on the table. ASMV remains first but Magnus Velarius dropped to 4th. That is due to the surprising play of Green Wombat who sit in second place after crushing Harlesburg 4-1. Carvalo continued to struggle as they lost 0-1 to Horgate.

Next up for the Sea Dragons is a showdown with NMS. If the Paladins have recovered their form for good, this will be a very tough match. But the match is much more important for NMS at this point so they definitely have the advantage.

Friends watch
Milchama slipped past Cuation 1-0.
Tadjikistan crushed Swilatia 3-0
Ariddia raced past Lylybium 2-0
D&S managed to take a 2-1 win over Khenas.

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Unicorns Move Back to their Third Seed Spot

Queen Sonya Sabre was still upset over the happenings that surrounded the match yesterday with the Mystical Unicorns when they were supposed to be on the field playing against The Colony of Delaware, which ended up with the Unicorns locked into their locker room and the Champion’s of the 11-12 year old kids playing ,but the results of that match were not as bad as they could have been - all and all that is. But now the Queen had to shrug that off and think about today’s match up which is against Khenas.

The match started off strong, neither side wanting to give away a goal much less give up the ball. The girls played hard and so did the Khenas squad, up and down the field the first half and there was still no score. Everyone was working hard to keep the ball and no one was opening up hole to on the pitch that anyone could sneak through.

Half time would see the score at 0-0 and everyone looked to be pleased over that for the time, but the Unicorns were not giving up. They would keep pounding away at the defense and soon that would be enough to wear them down.

In the 70th minute, Tisa Loas would get the ball from the Khenas attacker. she made a great backwards pass to Nessa Elendil who zig-zagged down the pitch while looking for the open Brigette Deteso. Deteso gladly took the ball and started downfield, when two attackers came strong at her. Nátulcien Eluch`div` saw that and worked her way behind Deteso who passed the ball back to Eluch`div`. Upon getting the ball, Eluch`div` looked right to see Tári Falassion move in to help screen. The trio made their way down the pitch and with a strong pass got the ball quickly to Zana Jablon who's hard kick on the ball hit the net and made the score 1-0. It was so quick that the Khenas goalie didn’t have time to move into position and was still watching the trio move towards him that he/she did not even see the pass to Jablon.

But then the girls made the mistake of letting their defense up for a minute, which was not good to do against a team trying to make a name for themselves. For it would be then that the Khenas squad would return the favor and score on the Unicorns in the 79th min. which now brought the score to a draw at 1-1.

The Squad then had to work hard to get back the lead that they had let out of their hands, but the girls did get that lead back with a brilliant team work which left Altáriël Telperiën scoring in the 89th min for the lead - and the victory over Khenas. Wow that was a close one but the Unicorns got their victory and the Queen was very pleased over the wonderful team work that her Mystical Unicorns had shown on the pitch today. The win puts the Mystical Unicorns back into their third seed spot on the table and the girls will be fighting hard to hold on to that spot.

Next up for the Unicorns is a trip to KCToker, who were just out of the BOF this should be an easy three points for the Unicorns as long as they play like a team and don’t let their guard down.

Other news in Group 11 - TUnI defeated FmjPhoenix 3-1, The Colony of Delaware smashed Socialist Romanistan 4-0 and One Red Dot downed KCToker 3-0.

Archregimancy watch:
The Monks struggled today and could only manage a 1-1 draw with upstart Quakmybush. That result keeps them atop the Group 10 table ahead of Hockey Canada and Quakmybush for at least another day.

Farstra 0 Northern Caesarea 2

12. Salmón **

17. Heredia **** => 21. Perea (m.87)
4. Capdevilla 0
3. Sergi ***

19. Gabi *
6. Llano *
10. Esquivel **
18. Zeamendi **

20. Toledo ****
23. Salmerón *
14. Istúriz *


13. Schnieder ***

2. Cooper *
4. Roadley-Battin *
21. Godfrey ***
19: Bruce 0

7. Coombes *
18. Nugent **
20. Hance *
17. Robert **

9. Chard ***
10. Coghill **


The crack
Toledo
The Flamingo Ríos striker was a constant nightmare for the Farstra defence. Sometimes a bit too hard with Farstran defenders (yellow card), he scored both goals of the night.

The dandy
Heredia
This right defender is living a second youth, with the advanges of the experience. Wise, well-placed and skillful in defence and attack.

The tough guy
Zeamendi
The left winger deserved more than a simple tap by the referee after his aggression to Farstran goalkeeper Schneider.

Not his day
Bruce
Appointed by his coach to control Toledo, he failed tottaly in his mission.


Vogen-If the WC30 Qualification phase finished today, Northern Caesarea would be playing for the greatest football tournament on Earth, but this match will not enter in history as a world-class one.

Farstra planned a very defensive match, trying to control the midfield and creat counterattacks. Our creation zone was tottaly unoperative during most of the match and Capdevilla mistakes could have been costly for the team.

In the second half, better technique and physical preparation started to pay off and the Tricolores dominated the match. But the goals came late. Toledo, after a pass by Zeamendi, scored the first on m.88 and the second, after a personal play, on injury time.

Sharks Right Ship

The Quakmybush Sharks continues their World Cup 30 qualifying run. The tied the heavily favoured Archregimancy 1-1. In the 25th minute Cory Sorley scored to put Quakmybush up 1-0. The game went to half time with the score still 1-0 Quakmybush. Then in the 47th minute Fr. Fyodor the Wonder Worker scores on a free kick. The Archregimancy controls the play but Cam Carroll stands on his head and keeps it 1-1. Other scores in Group 10 were Hockey Canada drew Bostopia 0-0. Palixia drew Ten Thousand Maggots 1-1. Finally, Giant Zucchini defeated Demot 2-1. Quakmybush's next opponent is Demot, a win would be perfect for the team.

Group 10 Table

GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy (25) 6 4 1 1 13 14 6 8
Hockey Canada (10) 6 3 3 0 12 10 3 7
Quakmybush (46) 6 3 2 1 11 9 6 3
Giant Zucchini (54) 6 3 0 3 9 11 10 1
Demot (142) 6 2 2 2 8 12 7 5
Bostopia (126) 6 1 2 3 5 8 13 -5
Ten Thousand Maggots (204) 6 1 1 4 4 7 18 -11
Palixia (UR) 6 0 3 3 3 3 11 -8

Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot
at Bostopia
Ten Thousand Maggots
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot

Goal Scorers
Jon Fields 4
Cory Sorley 2
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Chris Bricking 1

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

UNBEATEN IN FOUR
Disappointing Draw with Wrecker
by Markinen Marketel

MISERIAS(NP) - Nikea shot themselves in the foot in matchday six,
stumbling through a 1-1 draw with Wrecker and losing out on the race
for third place in group six.

After a goal-filled 4-3 win away to Spindomia, the future looked bright
for Nikea. While they are admittedly in a weaker group compared to some
of the other ones, the Pandas had been playing quite well and were
holding their own against teams like Tynelia and AwalKB, a good 65 and
40 ranks ahead respectively. A match against minnows Wrecker, at home
no less, seemed to be, while not a guaranteed three points, a less
difficult task than their main rivals for third place, who were playing
each other in AwalKB. Tynelia won a solid 2-0 victory, meaning Nikea
had to keep up with a win.

The resulting match was a gong show of errors for the Pandas. After
taking an early lead through an Eskimitel strike, the Panda attack fell
apart, while the defence looked lost. Misclearances, miscommunication,
and a parade of errors made the Nikeans look like a schoolboy squad.
Only the ineptness of their opponents attack left the Pandas in the
lead, until a miscommunicated back pass from Tinuviethel to Keletel
gave the ball directly to the Wrecker forward, giving him an open net
to shoot at. Even the Wrecker offence couldn't miss this opportunity,
giving the visitors their first point of the campaign and damning the
Nikeans to fourth place.

The final match of the first half of qualifying leads Nikea to Bettia,
who have only lost to Starblaydia thus far and are big favourites to
win this encounter. The Nikeans will need to put in a much better
performance in order to get anything from this match. It can be viewed
on NTV1.


Spindomia 3 (Roland 17; Alino 54; Frenry 79)
v.
Nikea 4 (Depayenestel 11, 84; Eskimitel 23; Aramastiemitel 62)



Nikea 1 (Eskimitel 7)
v.
Wrecker 1 (<player> 73)


Nikea v Tynelia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium (L 1-2)
Starblaydia v Nikea (L 0-4)
Nikea v AwalKB - Interiu, Interirien Field (W 2-1)
Montegrande v Nikea (W 2-1)
Spindomia v Nikea (W 4-3)
Nikea v Wrecker - Miserias, Calamo Bridge (D 1-1)
Bettia v Nikea
Tynelia v Nikea
Nikea v Starblaydia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium
AwalKB v Nikea
Nikea v Montegrande - Interiu, Interirien Field
Nikea v Spindomia - Miserias, Calamo Bridge
Wrecker v Nikea
Nikea v Bettia - Queldas, Solarin Stadium

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys keeper underfire

The World cup is in full swing and the Mateys who althought arnt doing too badly can still improve, with many sections of the public picking out goalkeeper Brian Livingston as the weak link.

5 goals let in against Oliverry and 4 against Silponia as well as letting in a very weak goal against toopoxia. Livingston playing abroad in the highly competitive Qazox league for Pika City seems to have it in his mind that he is invincible and that the number one shirt is his, however Hillsborough Boys keeper Kirk fancies his chances and has played well for Hillsborough helping them win back to back Primerio Ligas.
Goal keeper of the year David Webber is also pushing for a place but he is young and still has plenty of chances ahead of him.

It still remains to be seen if Kirk will give Livingston another chance or if he will allow one of the other players to prove themselves.

The Turtles Defeated 1-0

The Turtles lost 1-0 to McPsychoville in these qualifiers. Although not a bad loss, it was nonetheless a loss and sets Sel Appa back a bit. The match started off without either side gaining any ground. Sel Appa advanced very deep and almost scored a goal in the 33rd minute, but the shot was blocked by the opposing goalie. In the 42nd minute, QRIF Qa lost his balance and received a concussion and minor injuries. He was replaced with PEECH Jimmy and will likely sit out the next few matches. He stated he might even consider retiring at this point. He is the team's oldest player.

After the second half start, the Turtles started giving way to McPsychoville and the 0-0 tie was finally broken in the 73rd minute. Another player from the opposing team also tried to score a goal and tripped several Sel Appan team members getting there. Although his shot went in the net, it was not counted because of the fouls he comitted. He received a red card and Sel Appa received a penalty kick that was, unfortunately, missed.

Sel Appa plays Aurendia next and here are the current group standings:
Team |P |W |L |D |F |A | N |Pt|
--------------|--|--|--|--|--|--|---|--|
Casari | 6| 5| 1| 0|12| 4| +8|15|
McPsychoville | 6| 4| 2| 0|11| 5| +6|12|
Iansisle | 6| 4| 2| 0|13| 9| +4|12|
Sel Appa | 6| 2| 2| 2| 7| 6| +1| 8|
Aurendia | 6| 2| 3| 1|14|11| +3| 7|
Tessan | 6| 1| 2| 3| 8|13| -5| 6|
Czariums | 6| 1| 4| 1| 4|16|-12| 4|
Haraki | 6| 0| 3| 3| 6|11| -5| 3|

The Crowhurst Nihilist - but nobody will be able to read this...Did that match actually happen? I don't think so. How is it we win but drop in the table? That just proves that nothing exists. It is contrary to the True Mind that a victory could end in a defeat. You cannot prove to me that that match existed. We did not win 2-1. Norman Cooper did not score the winner with ten minutes to go with a header from a Kent corner. If you can prove it existed, show me the pictures. You can't. Indeed, there's no such thing as a picture. You merely think it exists. Indeed, you do not exist. You are merely a phantasm created by my mind to explain certain stimuli I believe I perceive. Indeed I do not exist. A quantum ripple in the 10 dimensions of spacetime which probably do not exist either.

Or I am a god. I conjure up these phantasms into existence. I create Norman Cooper and make him score with 10 minutes to go. I can make further things happen. I can make Wentland world champions. There you go. They beat Jeruselem 10-0 away. They beat Cataduanes 23-0. They beat The Greatest Crap 1-0 (own goal). They cruise into the finals and beat NMS and TnUI with four penalties. They beat Bedistan 4512-1 (late consolation). They win the final by default as Liverpool England refuse to turn up. Wentland are World Champions. But I don't want to. There. Wentland are not World Champions. Boo ya.

Fourth in the table. Eleventh in the table. Aardvarkth in the table. Third in the wardrobe. What does it mean? What table? What is this United Island Empires? If it is united it is an empire. Island is a conceit. It is a mini-continent. Or continents are big islands. Delesa. What is that? It is an anagram of Asedel. I know Del, she's ace. But she is not Delesa. How did they score? Was it the penalty in the 54th? I refuse to acknowledge its existence. There. It's gone. It was 2-0. It was 5-0. It was penguin-nil.

Cataduanes, Shmataduanes. We can catch them. Voom, it's done. Voom, I've undone it. Yippee. It matters not one jot. It does not exist. You do not exist. Exist does not exist.

There was a voice from downstairs. "Malcolm, have you been at the funny fags again?"

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/squornshelous.gif Squornshelous - 3__________0 - Becquereliahttp://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif


"APPALLING"
Black Cats Embarassed At Home


ROENTGEN, BECQUERELIA (JNS) - Becquerelia had home field advantage, a strong offense, a solid defenes, and what many considered a very good chance to beat group leading Squornshelous.

Instead, the National Team is left reeling after a 3-0 loss.

"This was horrific. Terrible. Appalling," said Head Coach Mark Crescentini after the game.

"I'm almost ashamed," said Defender and Captain Thomas Strazzabosco.

Becquerelia was looking forward to the opportunity to lead a qualifying group for the first time in the team's history, but poor play ended that opportunity for the moment. The Becquerelian offense, which had been fairly fearsome with play from Zikan and the forwards, and the defense had allowed few scoring opportunities for opposing teams, but both fell apart early in the game.

"Squornshelous has been really good for a while, and we all know that," said Goalkeeper Tyrannio Licaussi, who was benched late in the game after giving up the third goal in favor of Serapion Petchulis. "After a while it became a case of just giving a back benchers some playing time. We didn't seem able to get it done with the starters.

"There's a reason Squornshelous is ranked 9th and we're ranked 33rd in the world," said Assisstant Coach Peter Constantine. "And we all saw that today. We've still got a long way to go before we can be considered a world-class footballing nation."


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia - 2 Sativaville - 1
MD06: Squornshelous - 3 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia (5-0-1) at Vilita (4-0-2)
MD08: Becquerelia (5-0-1) at Kericia (3-0-3)
MD09: Sashonska (0-0-6) at Becquerelia (5-0-1)
MD10: Becquerelia (5-0-1) at Uncle Pete (0-0-5)
MD11: The Weegies (2-0-4) at Becquerelia (5-0-1)
MD12: Sativaville (4-0-2) at Becquerelia (5-0-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (5-0-1) at Squornshelous (6-0-0)
MD14: Vilita (4-0-2) at Becquerelia (5-0-1)

Goal Scorers

Zikan - 4
Gregory Conveniencia - 2
Razak Khalef - 2
Niceaus Annunziata - 1
Leo De Grenier - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1

From the press conference:

Frankton: Yes, this match was far from being optimal. I know, you will blame me for this honorless draw against the weaker capitalizt team. This will happen, so I do not even try to keep you from doing it. I know it was a daring thing to field players like Ila I Les, but he needs international match-practice. We can not hope Jerix will be there until Kalet returns*.
Of course, the defense had the efficiency of the average ballet-ensemble, but if this national team does not get experience with another central defense, they will absolutely get 'jisu-ed** in case of an injury.
Reporter 1: Like Serbia and Montenegro?
Frankton: If that nation would be real, then yes. However I think the World Cup is far too serious to parody it with a story like that "RL"-one.
This 1:1 draw was not the best result, but if there are no setbacks, there can be no progress.
Reporter 2: Will Lijas Sara ever be fielded again in a match of the national team? He was a disappointment today!
Frankton: The gods only know...
Reporter 3: What is true about this story about you and this red-haired foreigner?
Frankton: I don't answer questions for the Na~ovi National! First thing, I learned in Rejistania!
Reporter 4: Will you ever make a press conference in rejistanian?
Frankton: lanja. rejistaniha'xe mi'veka'ta, xe'sikire dejil.


*The return of the Kalet marks the end of the world.
**defeated highly

The match against Bazalonia had one highlight (or lowlight) and despite the result of the match was so horrible, that it must not be named, since the System Karelan National team, the Defenders, c*nc*d*d one g**l (sorry, we can not write it here openly). When it was only about not to lose highly, Andreas Pfeffer (who was wearing his takil-proof astronaut-suit), after receiving the ball, stormed forward as if there was a va'takil inside of his suit. The anti-takil suit started falling apart when he approached the Bazalonian goal. The entire bazalonian team started laughing when they saw that under his astronaut-suit, Andreas Pfeffer wore... nothing at all. The not-quite-defender did not seem to notice, but since the Bazalonian defense was kinda busy laughing about him, he had no problem to sc*r* (sorry, we can not write it here openly). Only after the ball was successfully put into the back of the net, Pfeffer seemed to notice his situation and ran out of sight before being officially substituted out.

The temple of Karela examined the takil-proof suit and to its surprise found out, that it was destroyed by Takil coming from inside of the suit. The temple wanted to examine Andreas Pfeffer, but he already left for Commerce Heights.

RP Cutoff for Matchday Seven!

Scores can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11596293#post11596293)

In a Bazalonian bar, a Television is displaying the live feed from System Karela with the System Karela - Bazalonian match on MD6. Bazalonia, up by won in the 62nd minute of the match.... Apart from a few people who actually watch the qualfiers no one at all is paying attention.

Then Andreas Pffefer get's the ball, in a suit that looks more suitable to space flight than football. Looking extremely different from every one else on the team. Anyone who looked at the match would think Andreas was a star player, warrenting a unique kit. However no one in the bar knew the real reason, nor did they care enough about System Karela to do any real research before watching the mouse. Though they did expect it to be a low scoring match, Bazalonia of course wining and with the efforts of the Bazalonians who had seemed to have cut back their so-called takilness. To prevent a counter-attack, the style of play that System Karela always played.

In what seemed to be a sudden change of character, fire was seen in Andreas' eyes as he made his way past the defense of Bazalonia, dodging around Andrew Creek, the thing as Andreas progressed it seems his suit was starting to unravel and first, the arm... then the legs, then his chest and torso and finally the "private areas".

"What the hell happened there? A system Karelan is naked."

and with that the whole bar's attention was drawn to the television showing the match. It wasn't long till the Karelan's private parts where blured out. But the entire bar started laughing at the karelan.

"Karelan's can't even defend their clothes"

"The Naked Karelan, I see a new cooking show in the works."

"actually, thaat sounds like an old West-style of movie. The NAked Karelan, and his scantily clad female takil wife."

"bah, as if a Karelan would marry a takil, but that could be a Odd Couple type of comedy a naturalist Karelan and a conservative Takil forced together by the most dire of circumstances."

"I would watch that but I wonder how they's handle the nudity?"

"Just have the naturalist always behind cleverly placed items or the conservative would try and 'hide his shame' when in public."

"Yeh, or you know just fame it out of the shot but have characters frequently reference 'the Little Karelan'." either way."

.........

"And weclome to Baz-FM Sports Now, and now it's time for a sp-p-p-p-orts update. Today's Sports update features the Bazalopes matche with the Ropa-Topians. The match took place in Fauxhan the weather was unusual for thh time of year, heavy sporadic showers rained down over TeleBaz Stadium, only 36 thousand turned out due to the shower, more than half of the stadium was empty and it felt like it."

"Despite the low turnout those that did attend where treated to a magnificent game, the increase in ball handling errors due to the slippery conditions lead to an unexpected increase in thre goals scored today. The Ropa-Topians managed to take advantage and scored first in the 16th minute, a header almost right infront of the goal took the away team one up on the Bazalopes. However this was soon countered by to a Bazalope goal of it's own. A pass by Anthony to Benny Boy Peters gave him a rare shot at goal. The ball sailed through the air and landed almost right infront of the goal. The goalie obviously expected the ball to bounce up but it slid along the ground and into the net to tie the game up 1-1."

"The game continued to be full of mishandled balls as Irchov Michael tripped himself over a slippery ball giving the Ropa-Topian defense an opportunity to counter-attack in which it was and so the half-time score was 1-2 to Ropa-Topia. If the ropa-topians where able to keep the Bazalonian attack at bay they might just come away with a win. However it was not to be for them."

"The 2nd half saw 2 more Bazalope goals and the stalwart of the Bazalonian defense The Bandit, showed the reason why he had that nick name successfully challanging a Ropa-topian forward for the ball, though this challenge itself did not lead to a Bazalope goal, it was certainly a turning point for the match. Peter Hobble scored the remaining goal in the 67th and 79th minutes, taking the score to 3-2, giving the Bazalopes another win, this win takes the team 1 point ahead of System Karela, 2 points ahead of Geseinfried and 3 points ahead of Dance 2 Revolution. The Bazalopes sitting pretty at second spot at the table, the 2-5 spots however are very close and almost any of these nations can take the spot away from us. If the Bazalopes are going to take their first qualification spot, this will mean not only greatly improved rankings but our first proper world cup, and we will cement our position in the world as a footballing nation. And so there we have the match. now, it's time for All my Bazalopes Radio serial."

Errinundera weblog

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/weblog.jpghttp://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/weblog.jpghttp://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/weblog.jpghttp://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/weblog.jpghttp://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/weblog.jpg

My friends, let us now travel to the upper reaches of the Rodger River basin, to the Monkeytop Ridge that forms the headwaters of this mighty river. The Rodger region is mostly wilderness but in the northeastern quarter, not far from the great Errinundera plateau, is an area dotted with tree villages – mostly along the Monkeytop ridge near Bonang. The ridge curves around to the north of Waratah Flat. At one point, an offshoot heads north to Mount Bowen, one of the highest points in the nation.

The forests here are as lush and beautiful as any in the nation. The shining gum here are its finest – magnificent tall trees with broad, spreading branches ideal for bringing up a family. ITEN, located in Big Tree Camp, is the most revered sacred tree in Errinundera.

From points along the ridge you can see far into the southwest. The Roger River valley forms a vast park-like bowl with the river reflecting the light of the sun. To the northwest it is said you might even see the great marble arches of McKillops Bridge also glinting in the sunlight.

Villages along the ridge include Big Tree Camp, Lyrebird, Halfbark, Monkeytop, Bowen, Home, Warbisco, Bull Run, Minchin and New Country. It is their famous football stadium, the Amphitheatre, that unites these villages. Located at Big Tree Camp and home to the Monkeytop United Football Club, the stone stadium is built into the side of the ridge. Seating is in an arc facing towards the vast southwest panorama while the players’ rooms, administration, and vendors’ stalls are tunnelled into the hill beneath the seats. From the ground the valley falls away sharply. Often the amphitheatre is above the clouds with other peaks also poking through. On such days it seems that the game is being played in heaven. But then again, if you are not obsessed with worldly possessions, Errinundera is paradise.

There is a fly in the honey, though. This is likely to be last international match to be played at this remarkable arena. It’s seating is limited and, with the refurbished Waratah Flat ground and the new McKillops Bridge ground soon to become available, this will become the smallest of the major venues with facilities that are, well, primitive to say the least. Being classified as a national treasure means that upgrading the stadium is not really an option.

The Monkey People are resigned to their fate and are treating this last international game – the 6th match of World Cup xXx qualifying – as a celebration of the good things in life such as the beautiful game played in a glorious setting. Today the football ground is above the cloud. The ridge is an island in a white sea. Snow clad peaks are dotted about: Mount Bowen and other mountains to the north, Goonmirk Rocks to the east and Mount Ellery to the south. There is an otherworldly sense of floating in infinity.

Anticipation is high: Errinundera is playing Hiiraan, another low-rated team. The snugly dressed crowd (it’s too cold for nudity here) are hoping to end their international days with a win. The first half is not much of a football spectacle. It seems that everyone, players and crowd, are overawed by the spectacle around them.

Things liven up during the half-time break, however. The scoreboard informs the crowd that there are over 100,000 known nations and displays the Errinundera’s UN rating for numerous items. The crowd responds enthusiastically.

Scoreboard: 937th most compassionate.
Crowd: Chants “WE ARE COMPASSIONATE” clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Scoreboard: 266th smallest police force (per capita).
Crowd: “PIGS ARE WANKERS” clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Scoreboard: 852nd smallest armed forces (per capita).
Crowd: “SOLDIERS ARE BRAINLESS” clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Scoreboard: 790th least devout.
Crowd: “PRIESTS ARE USELESS” clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Scoreboard: 691st most eco-friendly.
Crowd: Roars with approval.

Scoreboard: 757th most beautiful environment.
Crowd: More roars of approval.

Scoreboard: 754th least subsidised industry.
Crowd: “BURN DOWN ALL THE BASTARDS” clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Scoreboard: 84th highest unemployment.
Crowd: Confusion.

Scoreboard: 866th most rebellious youth.
Crowd: Huge roars of approval and much punching the air with fists.

Scoreboard: 1,107th smallest woodchipping industry
Crowd: Close to rioting.

Scoreboard: 1,087th nicest citizens.
Crowd: Calms down somewhat.

Scoreboard: 763rd best weather.
Crowd: Roars with laughter.

Scoreboard: 99,159th stupidest citizens.
Crowd: Much rolling about in the stadium.

Scoreboard: 111,293rd safest nation.
Crowd: Much disagreement and fisticuffs.

Scoreboard: 1,725th happiest citizens.
Crowd: Joins together to sing, “We Won’t Cry for You, Errinundera”.

On this note the second half begins. The Hiiraanis seem still in a trance. Whether it is the scenery, or the antics of the crowd or the play of the potoroos cannot be answered. Perhaps, like the Lowland Clans, they cannot believe where they've found themselves.

Early in the second half the angelic, genderqueer rosaniel scores a miraculous goal. Thereafter the potoroos skylark about as if it were a game they were playing, not something serious like World Cup qualifying. Team officials gesticulate wildly from the sidelines, their actions mimicked by the crowd, much to everyone’s amusement. Luckily the visitors remain entranced and fail to capitalise on all this unseemly behaviour.

The final scoreline is 1-nil to the home side. The natives return to their tree-houses light of mind, merry of heart and full of goodwill towards their fellow creatures. Many children are begotten that night.

Note: there are no monkeys in Errinundera. It is thought that early settlers were referring to possums.

May your forests be lush and your wildlife frolicsome.
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OOC 1– both matchday 6 & 7 scores were posted to the forum overnight Eastern Standard Time (Australia, GMT + 10); my apologies for being late with the matchday 6 report.

OOC 2 - unable to log in as [NS]Errinundera so using Errinundera instead.

Sel Appa Slammed 3-1 by Aurendia

In the seventh match of the qualifiers, Sel Appa was ruthlessly defeated by Aurendia. The match started fine and in the 21st minute, ESTEVEZ slammed the ball into the net and put Sel Appa on a course that seemed to say victory. This thought continued when Half Time was called. Everything seemed ordinary until the second kickoff...

Not five minutes into the match did a brawl begin on the pitch. A total of two Sel Appans and three Aurendians took part and all were shown red cards, except one Sel Appan. The fight started when Aurendian striker SANCHEZ Matt pounced on top of Sel Appan defender PEECH Jimmy. The two began exchanging punches and before the referee could arrive, Aurendian midfielders YANEOHE Jeff and RUSIC Adam joined in. Sel Appan midfielder MATOU Theo tried to break up the fight but was caught up in it within seconds, he only received a yellow card. All five were escorted off the pitch and MATOU Theo was substituted with NGUYEN Pho.

Aurendia managed to make up for the loss and sent three goals past the Sel Appan keeper KASHCHENKO Vasily, all within a 12 minute stretch. Five minutes before the end of the match a man ran onto the pitch and tore off his clothes. He seized the ball and shot it into the Aurendian goal twice, attempting to equalize the match. Five bulky security guards grabbed him and dragged him off the pitch. He is facing prosecution. Full Time was called and the scoreline was written down at 3-1, giving Aurendia the victory.

Current Group Standings:
Team |P |W |L |D |F |A | N |Pt|
--------------|--|--|--|--|--|--|---|--|
Casari | 7| 6| 1| 0|17| 4|+13|18|
McPsychoville | 7| 5| 2| 0|14| 5| +9|15|
Iansisle | 7| 4| 3| 0|13|12| +1|12|
Aurendia | 7| 3| 3| 1|17|12| +5|10|
Sel Appa | 7| 2| 3| 2| 8| 9| -1| 8|
Haraki | 7| 1| 3| 3| 9|12| -3| 6|
Tessan | 7| 1| 2| 3| 8|18|-10| 6|
Czariums | 7| 1| 5| 1| 5|19|-14| 4|
Sel Appa faces Casari again next and many hope for a draw at least.

The Tigers and the Mice

Tigers, one of the most fearsome of the cat family and anyone would think a tiger versus a mouse would be a no-contest. And the Mice, ranked 135 in the world after the Baptism of Fire faced the Tiger's of Tadjikistan, ranked 12 in the world. And the analagy of the mice versus a tiger is a very apt analogy for this match.

From the begining of the match it was clear that the Mice was not respected by the Tadjik's they even let the mice have a decent run at the goal, a team that should totally dominate the mice, letting the mice score. It was totally dis-respectful of our mice, and they knew it. But what happened minutes later when the tiger's started to charge amazed everyone in the stadium, well would of, but suddenly the entire stadium had paused, well not the entire stadium re-cording equipment and most importantly the time clock, the clock determining just how man minutes have past kept going.

As the timer was approaching tyhe magic 90 minutes the activity in the stadium was restored, confusion reigned in the stadium as no one was sure exactly what happened and where the 79 minutes had gone, however at 91:05 minutes the referee blew his whistle ruling that despite no one being able to know what happened or even move during those 79 minutes that the match had in fact ended as it had taken a full 90 minutes.

And thus at home the mice won against the tigers, an investigation is being undertaken into the source of whatever happened but no one is really quite sure where to start.

........

Meanwhile the Chamber was furious, The BurnWood institute had managed to cast a Sikiren Spell, a spell that managed to pause the entire World Cup Qualfier match against the Tadjikistan Tigers. However the Institute had no idea how they did it, at that moment they had assumed that Sikiren magic had to be bound within their technology. Hence the fact that they refered to it as Magictech, but know they know that they can use Sikiren magic as spells, without the usage of technology. Sikiren magic now is fully worthy of it's magic and now the matter is will the institute survive the public attenton that the spell will recieve. The ESF is now specifically monitoring any grumbles or comments in the international media.

Haraki Finall Records a Win!
From the Haraki News Network, Print Edition

Sam Sherman, Czariums. After six games, six goals, eleven goals conceded, and a last-place berth, the Hawks have finally scrounged their first win of the competition. The underachieving third seed managed three draws and three losses in the first six weeks of qualifying, and have now recorded their only win on Matchday Seven, with seven more to go.

The game itself seemed like a throwback to the old days of the Hawks' success, as they recorded a 3-1 win over Czariums. The Hawks dominated the newer team from the kickoff, with Matthew Thompson actually managing a goal in the first minute that set the tone for much of the game to follow.

Off Czariums' kickoff, it took only a few seconds for Julie Vern to run forward and steal the ball from the opposing forward. She dribbled straight down the centre past two midfields before giving a pass to Mike Zendar, who took it forward, drawing the goalkeeper away towards Zendar on the right, who then slotted a pass between two defenders right to Thompson, who, just barely onside at the time of the pass, rushed out and shot the ball into the wide open net for a very early lead.

The rest of the half played out much the same, with the Hawks managing 62% posession. Thomas Neils gave a perfectly placed corner kick to Thompson's feet at the thirty minute mark, which he managed to volley straight in. The keeper, blocked by his own defenders, didn't even see the ball until it had already crossed the goal line.

Tragedy struck at thirty-five minutes however, as an aggressive tackle from behind warranted Richard Weber a red card as his victim rolled around on the ground, apparently in agony, clutching a random limb. Weber angrily protested the call, waving his hands in the air, but the referee was not to be dissuaded. Only moments after Weber left the field in disgrace, the injured player stood up and proceeded on with play as if uninjured, warranting several death threats from hyperactive Harakian fans after the game, as Richard Weber, the Hawks' 25-year old right midfield, is also one of the status icons of Harakian football and was regarded as the most promising talent in quite some time upon his entry into the HFL at age eighteen. Weber will sit out the next game as penance.

The Hawks were struck once more by the hand of fate as Mike Zendar was taken down particularly hard inside the penalty area. Having caught a break through the defence, the aging team captain was rushing the goal, the frantic keeper trying his best to get in the way, only moment before Zendar was tripped by a sliding defender. Zendar hit the pitch hard, his ankle twisted unnaturally underneath him, and did not even try to get up. He was carried off on a stretcher and diagnosed with a bad sprained ankle, only one step down from a break. He was replaced on the field by AUFC's own Charles Fense. Zendar is expected to make a full recovery but will not play in at least three upcoming matches.

Thompson took the penalty kick for the Hawks, shooting it straight at the keeper, who didn't manage to catch it but did send it straight back at Thompson, who simply trapped it and kicked it into the upper right-hand corner, clinching the hat trick and all-but sealing Czariums' fate.

The second half unfolded not as well as the first for the Hawks, down a man and a captain, but with a three-goal cushion they couldn't screw too much up. Much of the play focused on the midfield, where Haraki still managed to hold their own despite a lack of presence on the right side. Czariums managed to get one back off a free kick just outside the penalty area, as the ball sailed over the wall and curved to the right. Chris O'Hara dove for it and managed to get his fingertips on the ball but couldn't punch it clear of the net, simply sending it into the side instead of the back of the net.

Haraki played out the rest of the game nobly, allowing no goals but scoring none either, and the game ended after ninety-five minutes (Four added minutes in the first half) with the Hawks recording their first victory. It was well-played but, if the Hawks are to work their way back from last to first or second, will have to be but the first in a long series of well-earned victories.

Weber will be replaced in the right midfield by Manuel Cortes for the next matchday.

Sam Sherman is the HNN's leading Hawks fan.

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Unicorns Score 4 in 30 Minutes to Beat KCToker

Queen Sonya Sabre wasn’t particularly fond of the travel to KCToker, but the Mystical Unicorns were in action and needed to secure more points before the rematch with TnUI and Fmjphoenix right around the corner as well. So she made her usual trip to watch the Unicorns play. And was rewarded by an outstanding performance.

KCToker was ready for the match. A win for them over the Unicorns would be a huge notch in their belt. Lets face the facts, they are not going to challenge the top two seeds. And it looked as if they would get that win early on. The Unicorn defense, which has been known to collapse at times - coupled with jetlag, faltered in the 9th minute and again in the 30th. By the half, the Unicorns looked beaten and demoralized down 0-2 to the Tokers.

But every match has a second half, and there is a reason to play the entirety of the match. The Mystical Unicorns proved that today. Perhaps it was pride that made them step up their play. Perhaps it was embarrassment at the first half results. Perhaps it was the gallons of double espressos dumped forcibly down their throats at the break. But whatever the reason, it worked like a charm.

Maurita Deni stole the ball in the 60th minute and found all three D&S attackers covered up. There was only one solution. Shoot the ball herself. So she did just that and somehow managed to score. The Unicorns were now only down by 1 point and breathed new life.

That new life would translate into another score in the 68th minute. Taunya Skursky cleared a weak Toker attempt and the ball found Tári Falassion on the right of the midfield. She then sent the ball forward to Avril Auerswald who neatly evened the score at 2 apiece.

But the Unicorns were not done. Taunya Skursky would score on a corner kick from Tisa Laos in the 75th minute and Altáriël Telperiën would put the match away with some fancy footwork and a brilliant shot in the 81st minute. That would be enough as the Unicorns scored 4 in the second half to take a 4-2 win on the road.

Next up is the match that has Sylvanaes fans all chomping at the bit. The MD7.5 friendly against the Jungle Cats of Vilita. The match has been sold out for weeks. But the Queen has her seat and will be there to cheer on the Unicorns in person. It is even rumored that Lord Dorian himself will make an appearance for this one.

Elsewhere in Group 11
The Colony of Delaware made another victim of Khenas 1-0
TnUI dropped One Red Dot 2-0
Fmjphoenix cruised to a 4-0 result over Socialist Romanistan.

So where does that place things at the mid-point?

TnUI is leading the group by virtue of their win over the Vikings
Fmjphoenix is second with just the TnUI loss to blemish their record
The Unicorns sit in third, 1 point ahead of the Colony of Delaware.
One Red Dot holds down 5th while Khenas is now 6th.
KCToker is pleased to see Socialist Romanistan as the new guys keep them from being last.

Archregimancy Report.

The Monks recovered from the surprise draw with Quak to demolish Palixia 4-0. Ouch.

Sharks Demolish Demot

The Quakmybush Sharks continued their World Cup 30 qualifying run yesterday. They defeated Demot 3-1. The game was pretty much all Quakmybush except for the first 2 minutes. In what seemed to be a weird event, Demot player Justin Frontson grabbed was struck by some kind of guiding light from the heavens, he then dribbled through all the Quakmybush players and put a scoarching shot by Cam Carroll. The Quakmybushian officials think this is the work of The Archregimancy, as they are scared that we will catch them. Then Quakmybush took control in the 15th minute Jon Fields scored his 5th goal of the tourney. Then in the 44th minute Andrew Plett scored. Then in the 90th +1 minute Fields scored his 6th of the tourney and 2nd of the game. Other results in Group 10 were, those cheating monks from The Archregimancy 4, Palixia 0, Bostopia got beat by Giant Zucchini 5-2, and Hockey Canada thumped Ten Thousand Maggots 4-0. Halfway through qualifying the Sharks sit third with a 4-2-1 record. They will need to preform very well in the next 7 games to qualify.

Group 10

Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy (25) 7 5 1 1 16 18 6 12
Hockey Canada (10) 7 4 3 0 15 14 3 11
Quakmybush (46) 7 4 2 1 14 12 7 5
Giant Zucchini (54) 7 4 0 3 12 16 12 4
Demot (142) 7 2 2 3 8 13 10 3
Bostopia (126) 7 1 2 4 5 10 18 -8
Ten Thousand Maggots (204) 7 1 1 5 4 7 22 -15
Palixia (UR) 7 0 3 3 3 3 15 -12

Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia
Ten Thousand Maggots
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot

Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 6
Cory Sorley 2
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Chris Bricking 1
Andrew Plett 1

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And The Winner Is.....................Damn.

This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Stadii Se Draggonnii Arcea

The Sea Dragons returned home from an impressive road win over Magnus Velarius to face the top seed in Group 12 - New Montreal States. The Paladins have been struggling through the first half of the qualifiers - and that might just be one of the biggest understatements we have ever made. But NMS is ranked 8th in the world for a reason, and that was very evident as they handed the Sea Dragons their first loss thus far by the tune of 3-1.

In fact it was much closer to a clean sheet that ASMV fans would like to admit. If not for a freak bounce and the Paladin keeper not being ready, the Sea Dragons would have failed to score. But the long pass turned shot from Fidal Vianal in the 87th minute put ASMV on the board even though they probably didn’t deserve the goal.

NMS looked like the best side in the group today and will be making a hard run at the top during the second half. So what does that mean for us? Things look good right now.

ASMV still sits atop group 12 with 16 points. Green Wombat is the shocker of the group as they now have 16 points as well. But only time will tell if they can continue their run in the second half of qualification.
NMS has now slipped into 3rd with 14 points and will be hard to keep out of the top spot before the end.
Harlesburg defeated Magnus Velarius today and dropped the Boyers to 5th. Don’t expect them to stay that far down. They will make a run as well.
The other three sides have been struggling to get any points and that should stay the same. Sorry guys. This isn’t the BoF.

Next up for the Sea Dragons is a trip to Aurendia for a MD7.5 friendly with one of this year’s BoF best sides. This should be a welcome break from the stress of qualification as the reserves see some extended action and the aging legs of the veterans get a much needed break.

Friends Watch:
Cuation looked solid in a 3-0 win over Benkonate
Milchama remained unbeaten as they slipped past Oliverry 4-3
Tadjikistan looked shell-shocked by the Mice as they lost 0-1
Ariddia and Spruitland fought to a 3-3 draw
D&S showed some offensive power as they dropped KCToker 4-2

It was a calm scene in the break room, with the consumption of high amounts of quality coffee being undertaken by several people. Rob had managed to jury-rig the console up to the break room TV and was playing, while Jay was sitting on a chair, trying to balance on two legs.

A splitting tone broke the calm scene, as people began running up and down the hall. Jay fell over backwards and sprung to his feet. "Holy crap!"

Sonya kept drinking her coffee. "Oh, it's just the fire alarm."

Jay ran down the hall to see a flaming mannequin laying flat on a lab floor with someone spraying a fire extinguisher at it. "What happened in here?" Jay asked, staring.

"The damn thing failed the flare test. Any flame ruptures one of the microcells and causes a small flame, and that ruptures the neighboring ones, until the whole damn thing is burning. You don't want to see what happened with some of the shoes."

Manager Hill walked into the room. "The damn things exploded again, huh?" The scientist nodded.

"We can't rate it for riots. If fire ever got to it, it'd burn the hell out of the player wearing it. We do have the helium backup ready. It's not as light, of course, but Helium is inert, so we could rate it for anything."

"Okay, get it out. Kid, you get to be the test subject. Go talk with those people." She said, waving a hand at a few scientists in the corner.

"Um... okay." Jay said.

---

Forty five minutes and a new fancy red kit later, after 100 meter sprint tests, vertical jump tests, and various other physical exams, a set of generic blue uniforms were brought out. Then, the whole process was done over again. Then they for Rob from the break room and made him do the whole thing again. Then Hill decided that Sonya didn't have enough to do, and amongst some complaining, she was forced to undergo the same tests as well.

"Well, how did they do?" Hill said, looking at the complex graphs and data tables.

"Well, the blue is the current T5 series kits, which we've worn throughout the first half of qualifying." A scientist said, pointing to a line on the screen. "The red is the new kit and shoes, filled with helium. The yellow is the Hydrogen tests, which, honestly, aren't safe to put on players."

"Well, the difference between the gasses is negligable. Where did you end up putting the pockets?"

"Down the front and back, and across the shoulders. The shorts we left unaltered, and the shoes have it in an a thin pocket beneath the foot, around the spikes."

"Fantastic. What do you call it?"

"Well, it was supposed to be the H2, after the Hydrogen. That was to be a major selling point. And, well, Helium doesn't have the name or the structure to make a cool name."

"Well, that's not my problem to figure out." Hill said, shrugging. "Come up with something else."

The scientists shrugged. That would be up to the marketing people.

---

The Hydra Helios was unveiled a week prior to Casari's mid-qualifying "Matchday 7.5" match, complete with a large press confrence and media question and answer session. The first models unveiled all featured a black- or white-and-yellow sun design, before versions of the World Cup 30 Casaran National Team Kit were shown to the public. Many of the assembled press raised an eyebrow at the new kits, saying that they looked too heavy, even with any lighter than air gas, and that the uniforms looked like they would heat up and cause problems in the performance of players.

When asked, the officals on hand dismissed the questions quickly. "The Helios has over a thousand hours of testing in lab, practice, and game conditions, in order to prove that it is not only superior to all our previous models, but is worthy to be worn by the Current World Champions, and signals our breakout into the world market."

While the use of lighter-than-air gasses in the construction of the kit are a tad controversial, rumors state that the kits have to be "inflated" immediately before matches and delivered directly to the stadium, as the kit will only hold gas for nine to twelve hours before leaks begin to form in the helium chambers.

It was also confirmed that the Helios models will be sold to the public as "authentic team kits", although they will be non-inflated. However, no versions of the Helios will be made to fill the cheaper, more widely sold "replica team kit" niche, as officals have stated, that would be "too damned expensive."

The Armored Press




The Team loses to Money-Making Highlanders


Well, all you rioteers out there, as you can see, by our crafty, secretive and utterly clandistine distribution of this paper, not quite all of the nations' journalists and reporters have been killed or imprisoned in vigilante prisons, awaiting Seniorita KilLatrine. The Armored Press prints on, from its totally secret bunker deep under the earth.
And we've come to say that The Team has finally lost. The foriegn terrorists have not quite succeeded in toppling our country, seeing as The Team lost to the Commerce Heights team four to one. Yes, they lost by three, as they always should, and have been having difficulty doing as of late.
You can stop putting th country to the torch, now. Really, you can. We've uncovered the entire Foriegn conspiracy now, we really have.

You see, The Team, under Wild Penguin's captaincy, has allowed itself to be held under the sway of the terrorist cells of the infamous international(Foriegn) Anti-Raging Penguins organization known as Killallo'daloonies. We have traced their influence as such:

Fnab-Fnab, a Foriegn ex-dictator and Mustachio Extrodinaire, first brought the influence of Killallo'daloonies into The Team's rank by introducing his seventh cousin on his fourth mothers' side, Ahhym Heevyl, to both Furious Porridge and Devious Penguin. Heevyl convinced Porridge to train with his 'friends and colleagues' - other terrorists - and gave Devious Penguin his business card, as Penguin is liable to do anything evil, given the chance.

Then, by offering beautiful virgin maidens, adorable newborn children, and fluffy puppies with ribbons to their heathen gods in Human Sacrifice, they assured The Team divine intervention with some of their games, and left The Team, controlled under-handedly by Devious Penguin, and helped by Porridge's new Foriegn football tricks, to win, which they did, except against the Tadjickistanopleopolousivilleians, or whatever they're called, because that particular brand of Foriegner shares the Terrorists' group of Heathen Gods.

The Tadjickibanburoivillistanioplousoplelandsers, wishing to cause our fair dutchy shame and humiliation, tried to expell The Team, on the ridiculous claims that using rabid animals and deadly force should be disallowed from football, knowing full well that it would only cause other nations to frown upon our good, non-foriegn people, and not even get consideration from the non-foriegn people who make the rules of football. Those crafty bastards!

However, once our reporters got wind that The Team was doing well, and decided that they were going to get to the bottom of this mysterious behavior, many Foriegn terrorists were arrested, although many of them claimed to be something called "Emissaries" who were here to set up "Embasies", whatever that's supposed to mean in their queer, dirty Foriegn lingo. With the decline of the Killallo'daloonies terrorists, >>>>>> began to spread The Word of G–d, and converted many heathens to his particular(undisclosed) brand of christianity, and caused their Heathen Gods to deny The Team divine aid, just in time for the Commercial Hill-Dwellers to beat them.
Mind you, we're not sure about the gods bit, because it may have been that The Team just plain lost due to not understanding the concept of 'scoring', but we're making the leap of faith, and trusting in our uncanny reporter abilities.

Etoka Journal-Tribune
“Now with larger print for those hung over mornings”

Second-half brawl leads to 3-1 victory over Sel Appa

SOUTHPORT – A brawl in the opening minutes of the second half sparked a comeback for the Raptors, leading to a 3-1 victory over Sel Appa.

The first half of the match belonged to Sel Appa. Team Aurendia recorded just a single shot in the opening frame, whereas Sel Appa kept up consistent pressure on Raptor goalie Liza Kohl. In the 21st minute this led to the opening goal, as Estevez launched a rocket that found the left side of the net. Only Kohl’s excellent play held the score at 1-0.

Halftime saw a subdued performance by the Aurendia fans. Instead, the drama would come from the teams themselves. In the 50th minute a brawl broke out, apparently started by Raptor forward Matt Sanchez. Other players joined in, and when it was finally broken up red cards had been given to Sanchez, midfielders Jeff Yaneohe and Adam Rusic, as well as Sel Appan defender Jimmy Peech, while Sel Appa’s Theo Matou was awarded a yellow.

The immediate aftermath of the fight saw Sel Appa attack less aggressively, and the Raptors used that along with the less-crowded field to showcase their speed. The score was knotted up 1-all in the 56th minute. Ashley Campbell did the honors, off a cross from Jessica Colenti. Five minutes later Aurendia went up 2-1, with a Cassandra Campbell corner kick to Regina Dunlop. In the 68th the Raptors finished up there offensive display, with a long clearing pass from Rachel Brady finding Colenti open just inside the box.

In the 85th minute, Aurendia’s players and fans were greeted by the unfamiliar sight of the other team’s supporters streaking, as a Sel Appan fan made his way onto the pitch and “scored” two more Sel Appa goals. The unnamed fan was stopped by stadium security and brought before a local judge, who immediately dismissed the case on the grounds that: far from being illegal, streaking is a cherished tradition in Aurendia.

With the 3-1 victory, Aurendia and Sel Appa have switched places in the Group 3 standings. At the halfway point of qualifying, Casari holds onto first with 18 points, followed by McPsychoville with 15, with Iansisle in third with 12. Aurendia’s ten points are enough to take the fourth spot, with Sel Appa in fifth with eight. Haraki and Tessan are in sixth and seventh, each with six points and Czariums sits at the bottom with four points. Next up for the Raptors will be a home friendly against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega’s Sea Dragons in Etoka. Qualifying will resume with the Raptors trying to avenge an opening day 3-2 loss to Iansisle.

Scoring:
1. SA (Estevez) 21st
2. A (A. Campbell 6) 56th (Assist: J. Colenti)
3. A (R. Dunlop 4) 61st (Assist: C. Campbell)
4. A (J. Colenti 1) 68th (Assist: R. Brady)

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Once agian that weird Asteriod has cuased much havoc through out the Continuum, and now it seemingly is affecting the Black Oxen as well. On MD 6, Qazox was held to a surprising scoreless draw with lowly The Doja and yesterday was beaten by Swilatia 4-1. Goals scred were as follows:


Swilatia: 13' 34' 44' 78'
Qazox: Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (56')

Qazox is still only 4 points off a qualifing spot, but with a tougher schedule, it seems the 16 year wait will be extended once again.
STANDINGS At halfway point:

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Commerce Heights 7 5 2 0 20 4 16 17
Tadjikistan 7 4 1 2 11 7 4 13
The Mice of Miceland 7 4 0 3 15 10 5 12
Raging Penguins 7 4 0 3 9 9 0 12
Swilatia 7 3 1 3 10 11 -1 10
Qazox 7 2 3 2 10 10 0 9
The Doja 7 0 3 4 3 11 -8 3
Toranat 7 1 0 6 6 22 -16 3

Up next is a friendly with Green Wombat, Surprising contenders in group 12. Hopefully a victory over Our hated rivals, will spark the team to a better second half.

GREEN WOMBAT DAILY FREE PRESSWe're so screwed up here we forget the name of the paper every day!

Half way through qualifing and somehow the ZOMBIE WOMBATS are tied for 1st place in group 12. that's right, A bunch of re-animated, magical corpses are tied for 1st place. Two days ago they beat Harlsburg 4-1 and yesterday beat Carvalo 2-0. the only loss so far was to ASMV and biggest upset was over NMS, who will probably de-re-animate the magical corpses when they playe again. but for now we're riding higher than a Sativiallian in Jamaica.

News items from the Goongerah (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Goongerah) Green Left Online Edition:

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25,000 DEAD IN LEXINGTON STADIUM EXPLOSION

The death toll from the horrible explosion in Lexington has now exceeded 25,000. Latest reports indicate that several semi-trailers were loaded with homemade explosives and detonated by remote control at the stadium during the World Cup qualifying match between Lexington and Magnus Valerius (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Magnus_Valerius). We cannot begin to imagine the suffering the Lexingtonians and the Valerians are enduring at this moment.

Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) has announced it will send millions of bolas of aid to the stricken nation. Due to the dreadful exchange rate of the bola this may not amount to very much. But we will try.

Foreign minister, asypicki, is not only appalled by the tragedy. “I haven’t heard one single response from another nation. Does nobody care about what happens in NationStates? Does no-one read the daily news broadcasts?

POTOROOS MISS MATCH AGAINST CHICANADA

In a World Cup scheduling farce, the Errinundrian national team was not able to get to Chicanada (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Chicanada) in time for their World Cup xXx qualifying match. The Potoroos had only 9 hours and 15 minutes to get from The Amphitheatre (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_Amphitheatre) in Big Tree Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Big_Tree_Camp) to Lis Stadia in Acadia.

“We tried our best,” says EFA president, uashe, “but we were still in the air at kick-off time. Just as well we had a back-up plan. The national Coach from World Cup 26, awb, has been living in Chicanada since his business, Immenosian, was torched (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Corporate_Torching). He graciously agreed to coach a scratch team for us despite his ongoing grievances with Errinundera. There was also a senior schoolboys’ team visiting from the Kanooka Creek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Kanooka_Creek) Secondary School. We were able to put together a team consisting of awb’s three daughters, the better Kanooka Creek student players and some expats who were advising the Chicanada government on soil erosion. At the last moment we discovered that two players from the McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) Kingfishers were also in Chicanada. It seems that, with the team having three weeks with no away games, they had decided to go AWOL.” (Note: McKillops Bridge has been forced to forfeit its home games.)

The fill-in potoroos were subsequently defeated 3-nil. One wonders how well a full strength team may have done.

uashe advises that a protest has been forwarded to the NSWC Committee (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_Committee). “They said that due to anomalies in the space time continuum they thought the match in Big Tree Camp had taken place some days earlier. We can only hope we are not put in this situation again.”

RULING ON RODGER RIVER TREE NAMING SCANDAL

The Sacred Tree Registry here in Goongerah has formally handed down its decision on Rodger River’s submission to name its new sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree) after football legend, longipesp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Longipesp). In short the decision found against Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River) and disallowed the name on the grounds that it contravened Errinundrian customary practice regarding capital letter technology (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Capital_Letter_Technology).

Mayor of Roger River, reeada, has already announced that the city will be appealing the decision to the National Parliament in First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls), however she is not optimistic about the outcome. “Errinundera is a highly decentralised nation. You only have to look at what happened to the McKillops Bridge football team to see how much rivalry and bickering and tit-for-tatting goes on between the cities here. I expect other cities will take this opportunity in parliament to give us what for.”

DELEGATE STATUS IN EFA UNCLEAR

Rival cities within the EFA have queried whether the football team from Delegate (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Delegate%2C_Errinundera) ought not be expelled from the association. McKillops Bridge president, nervose, is a leader in the push to have the team expelled. “As far as I can tell Delegate may not even be in Errinundera. Surely, a fundamental pre-requisite of membership of the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) is that the home city of the team be part of the nation.”

When this was put to the club president of Delegate, erplex, she didn’t even know where the border was. “To be honest, if we’re not part of Errinundera I don’t know who we belong to. I think the border is to the northeast of here but don’t ask me the name of the nation there.”

EFA president, uashe, having a bad time of it at the moment, pointed out that the association’s constitution didn’t actually require a team to be domiciled in Errinundera. “I think it’s retribution on the part of McKillops Bridge. Delegate supported our decision to force the Kingfishers to forfeit their home games."

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We wanna know who's been eating our Doritos?


By Monty Python

Sativaville finsihed up the 1st half of their qualifing schedule with a record of 4-0-3 and are tied for 3rd place with a couple of other teams Vilita and Kericia. A tough loss to Kericia on MD7 dropped us back into the tie after a thirilling win over Vilita, the highest ranked tem we've ever beat. 4 wins surpasses the 3 wins of four years ago and things are looking good for the Stoners to be competive in the 2nd half as well.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Not at all, Thomas. Your orders are to select only a B
team to play Spaamanian Plijous."

"But why?"

"We're in Bazalonia. The bastards at the Bazalonian FA, while
gladly allowing us to play our home match against Spaamanian
Plijous here, have decided to, without warning, walk out of our
World Cup 31 cohost bid for another one with Turori and Vilita.
We are NOT, I repeat, NOT, going to let the Bazalonian crowd
have the pleasure of seeing our big stars. The stars will remain
in the hotel, and fly to Milchama tomorrow with myself and the
FALE contingent. You and the B teamers will fly to Milchama the
following day."

Thomas Lunson shrugged. The world of football politics was not
one to get involved with, he decided. Unfortunately, he most
certainly didn't want to lose his job, so he'd have to comply with
the orders from Syku Lyku, now in his final term as FALE Chairman.

At least the bugger will be gone soon, he thought.

Matchtime. The squad selected was indeed a poor one - no
Carrero, Sunderland, Tsai or Correll. The names the fans had
come to see were either on the bench, or not selected at all.

Jísliçan Bundević got a debut, with John "Juan" Anderton, normally
the second choice behind Carrero, remaining on the bench. Nicholas
Thompson got his first start in over 16 international
matches at the back, alongside Lacey, Hauser and McCray.
Robey, Osborne and Otte were selected in midfield, a deviation
from the team's normal four across the centre, with Hairston,
Clapper and Langer starting up front.

All in all, this is still a pretty strong squad, noted Lunson,
muttering to himself.

Strong it was, as Spaamanian Plijous were wiped 3-0 with
Thompson, Hairston and Otte getting the three goals. But the
Bazalonian fans booed. And the FALE Chairman grinned. This
isn't the end of revenge, thought Syku Lyku as he left the
ground to pack for the flight to Milchama, where they would play
a friendly.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turban.gif

Scandal in the Island Emirate
Turori set for Bazalonian Bid



Just days after being turned down by Vilitan Cove counterparts Vilita in a World Cup 31 hosting offer, only to see their former rulers reportedly set up a hosting opportunity with The Lowland Clans, it now appears that the Island Emirate of Turori is set to enter a hosting proposal along with Atlantian Oceanian counterparts Bazalonia. The unknowing Bazalonians, eager to get involved in the hosting of a major tournament has supposedly agreed in principle to a deal with the Football Association of Liverpool England (FALE) for a World Cup 31 co-hosting bid. However, The Bazalonian Football Association may have overlooked the financial and intrinsic costs involved in entering into a bid with a nation from a foreign region of the Nationstates world. Due to the location of Liverpool England outside of the Atlantian Oceania region, it is believed that the Bazalonian Football Association has agreed, in principle, that it would be more efficient to submit a co-hosting opportunity with a nation within the same region, for both financial relief and ease of transportation for supporters of both local, and foreign based nations. While there have been no official statements from either the Football Association of Turori, or the Bazalonian Football Association regarding the matter, an abrupt and straight forward press conference was called by the Football Association of Liverpool England to condemn the actions of both the Football Association of Turori and the Bazalonian Football Association. Such impromptu and biased press conferences are typical out of the offices of the Football Association of Liverpool England, and no official response is expected from either the Turorian or Bazalonian Associations.

Turorian Creatures Banned from Sarzonia!!!!

Coach Jualiar Vumaou was looking forward to seeing his trained creatures in action against one of the most skilled sides in the world in a battle for the top position in Group 15. The Turorian faithful got a big surprise however, when the creatures were not allowed entry into Sarzonia to compete in the match. Due to an epidemic of the Quirrith Plague in bordering nations, the Sarzonian government had shut its borders to all creatures that it considered 'livestock' from other nations. Unfortunately, no exception would be made for Vumaou's flock, and efforts to have the match postponed or relocated would go unanswered. Instead, Vumaou himself was forced to strap on his boots, but the coach looked nothing of his former glory playing along side a handful of travelling Turori supporters who passed Vumaou's impromptu tryout session the morning of the match in a park. The side did show that footballing runs deep in Turorian blood, conceding just one goal in the final 45 minutes, though the 4-0 defeat to the Stars drops Turori outside of the qualification zone at the midway point in this stage of the competition. When the creatures return on Matchday 8, they will have to step it up or be forced watching the finals from the pen.




http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif



World Cup xXx :: The Turori Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11562153&postcount=76)

World Cup xXx :: The Turori Story
- (1) Jualiar Vumaou Named as Turori Head Coach! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11550142&postcount=58)
- (2) Vumaou enters Legends Shootout (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=64)
- (3) What the Hell are those?! ... and where are the eels... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=143)
- (4) Vumaou's Flock in Caesarean Ripping (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=204)
- (5) Q&A: Flock Flying Top of the Table (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=344)
- (6) FAT focked by VFA in hosting debacle (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=356)
- (7) Scandal in the Island Emirate (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11552142&postcount=385)

OOC- The following is strictly IC and is not designed to cause religious issues


IC -
Queen Sonya Sabre was preparing for bed when a knock echoed through the bedchamber.

“Do you know what time it is?” was the only comment.

“Yes, M’Lady………But it is important……..I think you want to see this.”

“Ok. Ok. Let’s see it.” The Queen took the transcript given to her. Obviously from The Archregimancy. Bloody long football show. “I don’t see what…….”

“Just read it, M’lady”

The Queen did just that. And what a read it was. Full of all sorts of things……….most completely false.

“It seems the Monks have been busy…..at least one of them anyway. But what are all these names and such? Where did they get that information?”

“From some book by Tolsomething, I think.”

“Hmmmmm…….Guess we had better figure a way to set things right. Gwendolynn, bring me a drink, I have a letter to write. Coffee. Not that other useless stuff.”

The Queen sat down to write. This was going to take some time.

To Fr John The Golden-Throated
From Her Majesty, Queen Sonya Sabre of The Sylvanaes Kingdom.

First of all, I would like to thank you for your thoughts on the peoples of the Sylvanaes. It is few that take the time to research our great Kingdom. But unfortunately you have been somewhat misguided in your efforts.

While it is true that a large portion of the population in the Sylavanaes Kingdom is of Elven origins, little of the information you have gained to this point is accurate. Storybooks are just that - stories. History is a completely different subject altogether.

We are a God-fearing nation. That is undeniable. All races placed on this earth were created by the same God that you so diligently worship. That means Elves, Dwarves, Halflings, and such along with the human race that is arrogant enough to believe it is the only race so created. In our/and your (most probably) Biblical text it tells of “Other Sheep” that were “Not of this Fold, That I (Jesus) must bring”

We do invite you to continue your queries as to the issue of whether your religion does recognize the fact that all races do have souls. We already know that answer.

But in the future, I do hope your research as to our history is far better factuated than guessed at. And though we do appreciate the thought that went into the translation of your scripture into the language you call “Sindarin”, it is of little use to us. We can have one of our fine scribes assist in the translation of them into Sylvanaes if that will help you. I myself would love to read them, even if my soul isn’t in question according to your faith - I am clearly human. In fact only 16% of the Sylvanaes peoples are Elven, but they do comprise the largest non-human sector of the population.


And yes - We Are Watching You.

James Gaines, president of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Association exited his car to go to work, he was surrounded by reporters, all throwing a barrage of questions which included but not restricted to

"Is there anything else you are not telling us?"
"Are the comments from FALE justified?"
"Has infact the BFSA dumped FALE for the Turorians?"
"Did BFSA or FAT make the approach first?"
"Can we confirm a combined bid for the 31st WC between Bazalonia and Turori?"
"Was there in fact an agreement with FALE?"
"What about that Liverpool England - Spaam match that was held in CBBC Dome, Woolgolga?"

"I will make a brief statement, I can confirm that we will make a combined FAT-BFSA bid for the 31st World Cup. We offered to hold the Liverpool England/Spaam match here in Bazalonia due to FALE's refusal to play home matches at home, this was a one off event as all other Home matches for Liverpool England will be held in Spaam and had nothing to do with FALE's recent claims. Thank you, otherwise no comment" and with that James tried to force his way through the assembled media, in the end he had to call the security officers of the BFSA to force a passage through the thickly packed media to get into the building and away from the media.

((Tynelia RP-can't sign in today again))

“Hello soccer fans. Today Tynelia just completed the first half of group play in the World Cup 30 qualifiers on a winning note defeating Spindomia in a close 1-0 match in their first international event in the Ice Bowl. This win keeps Tynelia in third place as both Bettia and Starblaydia won rather handily against Nikea and Awal KB and now puts Tynelia 5 point sup on fourth place Nikea who we play at home to start the second half. I’m Mike McPhee and along with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the team’s fourth attempt to qualify for the World Cup proper. Another needed win for the team today Dana to keep the big two in reach today.”

“Yes and while some fans may have been concerned about the closeness of the match they need to remember that four regulars were sitting today to take advantage of the extra time off coming with the midway break. So the fact the team still managed a win on Alan MacDougal’s early second half score is still a good sign going into the second half.”

“Yes Dana and hopefully this will have set to rest the fears that Tynelia always seems to fall apart in this portion of qualifying as the last couple of tries Tynelia has lost this match to start off a run of four straight shutouts, mostly against teams ranked below them.”

“Well don’t quite count that out just yet. Nikea is the closest thing to a surprise team this group has given the domination of the top two seeds being currently in fourth place one point ahead of fourth seed Awal KB. We edged them in their stadium so the team should be rested and confident with them coming back here but they shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

“Good point. But now let’s see what Coach Billington has to say about his first half of group play as he joins us via satellite. Hello again Coach.”

<Billington appears on screen>

“Hello Mike and Dana.”

“You have to feel pretty good about the team’s progress so far. Five wins alone is close to the Tynelia all time WC win total and the second half is still to come. Not to mention coming away with a win today despite sitting four regulars.”

“Yes Mike the team has done very well so far with the exception of the road blips against Bettia and Starblaydia. We have a nice mix on the squad of veterans and youngsters so the veterans have been helping the rookies out as far as preparation and tactics out there. We’ve been able to get them some action late in matches to keep the veterans fresh and now with no match scheduled next everyone should be fresh for the next half.”

“Were you happy to see Amy Whiteworth finally get her first shutout of the Cup so far?”

“Everyone was happy to see her bounce back after the onslaught she had to face against Bettia and Starblaydia. She had been a bit upset that she had not had one already to this point and wanted to put to rest any whispers that her time had passed. I do plane to sit her during one of the road matches as well, possibly the Montegrande match this time so she’ll be able to get a match against Wrecker under her belt before facing the big two again.”

“Any word on Jay Masterson’s injury Coach?”

“Jay will be fine Mike, he probably could have played today, the hammy was a bit tender still but I saw no reason to push it. He just did some light running and bicycle work on the side and will be back in the lineup against Nikea when the second half starts barring any sort of disaster.”

“So what are your thoughts and plans for the second half as the team sits three behind Bettia?”

“Obviously Dana we absolutely must win against either Bettia or Starblaydia to have any chance. The way those two mowed through the group the first time around suggests they’ll do the same thing this time. The only team that can help us at this point is ourselves. We pretty much have to go undefeated this second half, and that’s with wins not draws to jump past one of them. Ideally we probably need to beat Bettia and draw with Starblaydia because I doubt we can catch Starblyadia being six points back. Of course that’s if Bettia loses again to Starblaydia as well. But we’ll worry about that when we get to them because if we don’t sweep these next three matches none of that matters.”

“So what are your thoughts on Nikea then as long as we’re talking about the next matches.”

“They’re doing pretty well I’d say playing above their seeding. We beat them 2-1 the first time around so the team knows they can keep close to us. Playing at home will hopefully be the extra edge we’ll need to make sure we come out on top again. I know as well as everyone all the people who talk about how we fall on our faces coming out of the gates at the second half and we want to prove those doubters wrong.”

“OK Coach, we’re out of time here today, congratulations on another win and a great first half. Good luck against Nikea.”

“Thanks Mike.”

<Billington fades from the screen>

“Well Dana, I think Coach hit it right on the head. No one else in the group looks capable of taking any points from the top two seeds and even for Tynelia at home it’s a bit of a longshot but that’s the only chance they’re going to have if they want to move on.”

“Yes Mike, it’s a shame too because this is the best the team has played so far in any Cup and yet all they can do is barely stay in contact of the top two teams. We can only hope that someone shocks Bettia and we can take advantage because I agree with Coach Billington that barring a total collapse Starblaydia is in despite the fact they’ve now allowed goals in two straight matches.”

“It would be a shame if all these players who have been with the team since its debut in WC27 fall short again as this is most likely the final Cup for many of them. Still they play the games for a reason so the team just has to do their part and keep winning and hope for a break. If Tynelia stumbles against a lower ranked squad then its basically over so they must keep up the good work so far. So Dana, will they beat Nikea again?”

“I believe so, despite the worries of shutouts and non scoring the squad has only been shutout once in seven matches and that was to Starblaydia. I believe at least for this Cup the scoring problem won’t be an issue for the team for probably the first time ever. Knowing that they managed to beat Nikea on the road will certainly help now that they have them at home. I do think it will be a close match but I see Tynelia coming through with a 1-0 win. Of course Bettia should have little trouble with Montegrande and Starblaydia should be fired up to avenge their narrow 1-0 opening win against Spindomia so I think that one won’t be pretty. Which of course means we’re still hanging around in the chase position waiting for a mistake from Bettia.”

“We’ll its still better to be keeping pace at least than losing ground Dana. The team just needs to hold on these next three matches and then give go all out when the big two come here. Now with no match scheduled, TSW will be showing a briefer program where Dana and I will take a look at the other groups which we’ve been rather silent about to this point to see how the rest of the group play is going. Until then I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Have a good night everyone.”

((Tessan RP))

“Your majesty, isn;t it wonderful that we’ve nearly gained the same point total that we had in our first try!?!” the drunken noble stated raising his wine glass to the king who did not seem amused.

“Are your standards so pathetically low Baron?” the king replied grimly. “One victory in seven matches with several matches against inferiorly ranked teams and you find this to be a good thing? I would be ashamed if I were you.”

Blanching the baron suddenly sobered up and made haste as one of the royal heralds entered the chamber. “you summoned me majesty?”

“Yes, how can a team of barely half knights and no nobles other than my son possibly fare better than a team of knights and nobles that we sent the first time?”

“Well Majesty, we have had a few more years to learn this odd sport so our skills should be better. And of course your nobles had too many duties of their own to focus on sporting.”

“I see, so what you are saying is that I should find all unemployed commoners and train them to do nothing but this sport and we would triumph?”

“Well it wouldn’t hurt their chances any majesty.”

“So you wish it to be said that the glory of Tessan is to be upheld by vagrants, criminals and other riff raff?” the king glared dangerously as the herald backed away.

“No, no sire, not at all. Just that perhaps knights are not the best suited. A team of commoners perhaps would be a perfect way to show your people your benevolence while allowing the knights and squires to hone their skills on their proper battlefield.” The herald explained quickly seeking to quell his monarch’s deadly anger.

The king paused in thought and frowned slightly as he pondered this. Seeing the herald still standing nervously before him he waved him away. “Are you still here? Be off with you!”

As the herald ran off the Crown Prince frowned from his hiding place where he had listened to the conversation.

That fool of a herald. It was to be MY plan to let the commoners enter this event to win favor with the masses when the time came to make my move. My father is too crazed for victory to rule any longer. He’s an old fool and my time is coming sooner than he thinks. Now I must try a new play for public favor if only to keep them from rioting when I take the crown. Unless, I can talk father out of this ‘mad’ idea. Yes that’s it, he is too confident of the superiority of the nobility to really favor a plan using commoners. I must go to him.

Silently Crown Prince John who someday soon hoped to be King John V left his listening post to find his father and guide the conversation to his own ends. A kingdom was now at stake.

ooc: While I still can't seem to log in as Squornshelous, the forum issue seems to have been somewhat resolved, so I can get my puppets in to post.

ic:
Kicking Ass and Taking Names

Pschychoes Perfect Halfway Through Qualifying
After seven matches, Squornshelous has yet to do anything but win, and while our goal scoring totals aren't quite where we'd like to see them, the attack is still puting up a very respectable 3 goals per match. We opened up on a hesitant note, with a lot of second stringers seeing action against Uncle Pete, while starters were rested for more difficult matches. As a result, we were only able to put up one goal against them, scored by Israel Kamaka. However, the Pschychoes immediately recovered, with a strong victory over Sativaville, with goals scored by Vasili and Oleg Petrov, along with Iannis Xenakis. We moved on to dismantle Kericia 4-0 and Shashonka 4-1, allowing our first goal in matchday four. We were tested more against former chamions Vilita, but the Jungle Cats aren't the powerhouse they once were, and the Pschychoes prevailed 3-2, relying heavily on the play of Vasili Petrov. Squornshelous then moved on to humiliate up-and-comers Becquerelia 3-0, showing that while the Black Cats are talented, there can only be one great unpronounceable powerhouse. And most recently, Squornshelous took a 4-2 victory over old foes The Weegies, who we have faced many times before. The old familiarity probably helped the Weegie players get up for the match, as they put up a surprisingly good fight for a team that has declined as they have.

This leaves us as one of only four remaining teams with perfect records, along with Starblaydia, Milchama and Total n Utter Insanity.

Squornshelous' Scorers:
V. Petrov: 6
Xenakis: 5
Khabarov: 3
O. Petrov: 3
Syvatov: 2
Harris: 2
Kamaka: 1

THE ARCHR<static>NCY BRiiiiiiiiiiNGs YOu

WORLD C<static> IGHtttt

With Fr. Niccccolas the Scr<static> nd Fr. John the Gollllllllden-Thr<static>

"zxxxcccxzxc ..... fiddling with that radio ...... xcxxxaaaaxcv .... Fr. John"

"Just another .... xcxcvvxaazzxcz.... think I've got it, Fr. Nicholas. TESTING, TESTING, TESTING!"

"Seems to be working, Fr. John!"

"Indeed it does, Fr. Nicholas. This is Monastic TV broadcasting via the Islands of Qutar. For reasons that are unclear to us - but are probably related to an evil plot by Satan or a merely misguided schismatic plot by Casari - we are unable to broadcast through our usual media. Someone is blocking Archregimancy transmissions. Fortunately, our contacts in the Islands have enabled us to set up this emergency broadcasting station."

"And Fr. John could also point out that transmissions to us are also being blocked, so we can't read what anyone else is writing or saying about the World Cup."

"Quite, Fr. Nicholas. But from what limited information we have been able to read, seems that our squad of virtuous Orthodox monks have thrashed the heretics from Palixia 4-0, thanks to goals from Fr. Seraphim, Fr. Brynach, Fr. Fyodor and Fr. Constantine. Four goals, four scorers - though details are sketchy."

"And Fr. John was no doubt about to add that this leaves us top of the group at the halfway stage."

"But let's not be hasty, Fr. Nicholas. We're only two points above third, we have top seeds Hockey Canada to play next - I think - and we cruised through the first half of qualifying last time around, only to go through a five or six match sequence of soul-strengthening suffering where we only scored once and then failed to qualify on the last day of the campaign. For the fourth time."

"The lesson of which is, Fr. John?"

"Monastic humility is a virtue, Fr. Nicholas. At least in the footballing context...."

OOC: If you hadn't guessed or read the DT thread, is havinga little trouble getting to this thread so i'm posting for him

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

BAMBI'S BUTTOCK BOOSTS BIMBOS
Porn Stars Win

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent

The Holy Empire was last night suffering from the same breakdown in communication with ordinary reality that was causing problems in the Archregimancy. Nonetheless, while details are hard to come by, it seems team xXx actually won a game overnight, beating San Haven 1-0.

What little this reporter has been able to learn about the match suggests that the Imperial squad took the lead in the 49th minute after a goal kick from goalkeeper Huang Hau Loh, master of the jade sceptre, took a freak deflection over the amply-proportioned posterior of doe-eyed midfielder Bambi Cerise, sending the opposing goalkeeper the wrong way.

Questioned about the incident after the match, the star of such best-selling films as "Bambi and Thumper's Magical Forest Adventure" giggled extensively, stating only that she hoped boys would like her more now.

OOC: Same problem, same user

"Hmmm... this ain't good... it ain't good at all."

Stuart Abdul-Rahim stood pensively on the touchline, tutting and shaking his head as he watched Aroras hot-shot Chris Hutton blaze a shot narrowly over the crossbar. It wasn't the performance of his team that troubled him though, although being the perfectionist he is he probably would have preferred a few more goals for the home team.

No, there was something else troubling him, something he couldn't quite put his finger on, like an odd twinge in the stomach that he couldn't quite explain.

He looked around him at the thousands of Bettian fans who, as always, had given their all, roaring the team on as best they could, turning the stands of Stadiwm Bettia into a sea of green and gold, creating an intense home atmosphere as only Bettians could. They were totally caught up in the excitement of the game, totally oblivious to whatever was bothering the boss.

He then looked down the touchline at Little Nerys, Bettia's arora mascot who stood alongside her mother Tiddles, and he couldn't help noticing that they too looked a little edgy.

They knew as well as he did - something was definitely up.

His thoughts were momentarily distracted by a loud 'Oh!' from the crowd as another Bettian chance went begging, thanks to a fine save from the visiting goalkeeper who had otherwise had a pretty torrid time of it thanks to braces from Gwrlais Devanallt and Gwarthen Rhydderch following an early Hutton penalty.

'Serves the buggers right for wearing red - how dare they defile our hallowed pitch with that evil colour. Ah well, just six minutes to go and the poor fellow will be put out of his misery' Abdul-Rahim thought to himself with a wry smile - what an unfortunate choice of words that was to prove to be, for no sooner had he thought them, he became aware of Tiddles and Little Nerys getting more and more agitated, along with a faint rumbling which seemed to be coming from the direction of the Bettian goal.

Without warning, the penalty area erupted, knocking Bettia's goalkeeper Ricardo DiTorino off his feet. Stunned by this sudden turn of events, he slowly picked himself up off the ground, unaware of the large shape emerging from the cloud of dust behind him - it was a...

"GIANT ANT! OH MY GOD, IT'S A GIANT ANT!" came a cry from the crowd amongst the terrified screams (although if you asked most of the burly types who were massed behind the goal at the time, they would deny it, saying they had stood their ground and mooned the insectoid bastard). Slowly, the stricken keeper got up and turned around, but it was too late - the giant ant was upon him, lunging at him with it's gigantic jaws and slicing his hand effortlessly off.

As all around him ran off the pitch in a panic, carrying Ricardo off as quickly as possible, a swarming mass of ants crawled out of the hole and onto the pitch. Unperturbed, Abdul-Rahim slowly reached into his pocket, pulled out a dog whistle and blew hard. Instantly the pitch was filled with aroras - his own personal elite squad of Bettia's favourite creature, led by the legend that is Tiddles.

Without fear, they bore down into the army of insect vermin, leaving not but an antenna here, a leg there, and a huge eyeball somewhere in the away team's dugout. Seeing that the tide was turning and that the danger was slowly passing, the remaining spectators sat back down to watch the action. Buoyed by the heroic action of their national creatures, they soon came back to life, thinking up new and vaguely-amusing chants to encourage the home team and demoralise the intruders (assuming any of them could understand Bettian, that is) - such well-though out classics such as:

You can shove yer fuckin' six legs up yer arse
You can shove yer fuckin' six legs up yer arse
You can shove yer fuckin' six legs
Shove yer fuckin' six legs
Shove yer fuckin' six legs up yer arse SIDEWAYS!

(OOC: sung to the tune of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain)

...and the slightly bizarre:

What's it like to,
What's it like to,
What's it like to have no skin?
What's it like to have no skin?

(OOC: sung to the tune of Bread of Heaven)

...along with various derogetory chants comparing them to red-shirted Karelans. As the dust settled, it soon became clear that Bettia's gallant mascots had saved the day, scoring a massive victory whilst taking surprisingly few casualties. As he watched a pair of aroras fighting over a particularly crunchy ant's leg, Stuart Abdul-Rahim walked onto the pitch and surveyed the damage... holes all over the pitch, Ricardo DiTorino's hand laying in the penalty area caked in soil and blood, a few thousand hardy supporters looking on, digesting the horrific events that had just unfolded.

He was right about the giant ant threat, and thankfully he had acted on his fears - it seems the nutjob who had written the team roster had actually managed to get one fact right.

But what now for Bettia?

How will the Blessed Realm get through this frightening chapter in its history?

Only time will tell...


Final Scores from Stadiwm Bettia:

Bettia 5:1 Nikea
(Hutton 4 pen, Devanallt 35 78, Rhydderch 47 61 : Eskimitel 19)
<< match abandoned after 84 minutes >>

Aroras 35471:13 Giant Ants


Fixtures & Results

MD1: Montegrande 1-3 BETTIA
MD2: BETTIA 2-1 AwalKB (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD3: BETTIA 0-2 Starblaydia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD4: BETTIA 3-1 Tynelia (The Stamping Ground, Lorshill)
MD5: Wrecker 0-4 BETTIA
MD6: Spindomia 0-3 BETTIA
MD7: BETTIA 5-1 Nikea (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD8: BETTIA vs. Montegrande (Shubunkin Park, Akani Sands)
MD9: AwalKB vs. BETTIA
MD10: Starblaydia vs. BETTIA
MD11: Tynelia vs. BETTIA
MD12: BETTIA vs. Wrecker (Al-Fath Stadium, Sukatra)
MD13: BETTIA vs. Spindomia (Stadiwm Bettia, Gabalfa)
MD14: Nikea vs. BETTIA

Bettia's Goalscorers

6 - Hutton
6 - Devanallt
6 - Rhydderch
2 - Al-Jahani
1 - Warlow

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

Riots Galore in Port James as Milchama win

The Milchama Warriors came into the game looking for respect and came out with their 10 game winning streak in tact, actually its now 11 games as they beat Jonathan Fairbanks and Oliverry 4-3 in an exciting takilized match up. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This is the type of football that I like to see played, fast and high scoring. We got out to a fast start and did a good job to stop them at the end. If we can continue playing like this, not only will we qualify, we could win the World Cup. I'm being serious."

While Coach Fairbanks was less happy, "We played like crap out there. I wanted to prove something to the Milchamians and we couldn't. Goddamn Oliverrians, they suck they need to reign back their offensive energies a bit and they would win more. Although the way they play is fun." After that he stormed out of the press conference. Now for the report on how they scored:

3rd minute: Very up beat game now, its working to Oliverry's advantage it looks like. Miller looking for Hunt intercepted by Mergle, he passes up to Del Clufor. Clufor suddenly on a rampage, he goes forward past Hunt and Hill. It's him against Bellemort, and Bellemort saves but there's a rebound and Albentine picks up the rebound! 1-0 Milchama! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Floren Albentine getting the rebound and being his usual royal pest as he scores to make it 1-0 Milchama.

7th minute: Warriors on the attack with Marin Keffer. Still Keffer, still Keffer, at the 18 now. Past the last defender and he chips over the goalie. It's past him and but Hunt is back and Keffer BEATS HIM TO THE BALL AND SCORES!!!!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! 2-0 Milchama!!!!! Marin Keffer getting past the defense before chipping over the keeper and then beating a scrambling defender to the loose ball in the box to score.

16th minute: Clufor now. The Oliverrian has been suspect, at best. And the Warriors are breaching it again, down the wing now with Aaron Kary. He cuts inside and crosses! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! 3-0 Milchama. Floren Albentine bagging his second on a header after a wonderful cross by Aaron Kary.

25th minute: Milchama going for the quick attack down the wing. Their wing play has come back after it stuttered since Darian Flinters left the team. Anyway, Kilinin on the ball. She passes inside to Aaron Kary. Kary now looking for an outlet. He passes to Lonnen who passes back and Kary has beaten the trap! He's onside and its him vs. the keeper. The shot IS IN!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! 4-0 MILCHAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! <takes a couple of breaths, now breathless voice> If you had told me before the game Milchama would take a 4-0 lead after 25 minutes I would have called you a fool and laughed at you, a lot. But it's happened and its 4-0 Milchama after a give and go between Aaron Kary and Barrett M. Lonnen.

42nd minute: Could it be 5? Nope as Bellemort saves and catches Lonnen's shot. Now he starts a quick counter attack. It's forward to Laroque, there are not defenders back as Laroque surges forward. Mergle desperately trying to catch up to him but he passes forward to Cloutier who continues down and SHOOTS! 4-1 Milchama. A very good counter attack by the Oliverrians leads to a goal and only a 4-1 lead.

45th minute: Halftime 4-1 Milchama.

56th minute: Oliverry now on the attack. They lead all teams in scoring coming into this game, so this is dangerous. Hunt to Miller who crosses fields to Dionne. Now he has the wing wide open down the right. Julien Dionne with all green before him. Stockholm comes to try and stop him but Dionne crosses, and William Jones is there! 4-2 Milchama! William Jones receiving the perfectly weighted cross from Julien Dionne to get Oliverry's second goal.

69th minute: Oliverry desperately searching for 3 and OH NO! Cloutier has found a hole in the defense and he's through in a second. He's past Mergle, around Finton and he puts it in for his second and its 4-3 Milchama. These next 21 minutes will make or break the Warriors as they are only 1 up.

90th minute: Laroque tries one desperate last cross. Finton comes up and clears AND THAT'S THE WHISTLE!!!!! THE STREAK CONTINUES!!!! Milchama win 4-3. They had to hold out Oliverry for a total of 24 minutes and they did it to pick up the win and maintain their perfect record. They are in elite company now.

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Albentine 3, 16, Keffer 7, Kary 25)
Oliverry 3 (Cloutier 42, 69, Jones 56)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Team went and got crushed by Commerce Heights 4-1 in a bad loss all around.

Milchama Man of the Match:
He might be the coach but Jamie Smith had the perfect strategy against Oliverry. Which was go all out and score early and try to score often. The Frenchies were not ready for the attack early and it cost them as the Warriors scored 4 early goals. While they were able to lock up the gates afterward the Warrior continued to look good and he proved that sometimes the best defense is really just a good offense.

w w cummings report foot)ball?;

crap

crap

goal:keeper

crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap

cogito

ER?GO

goal

barnesbarnesbarnesbarnes......................GOALLLLLLLLL

itsonenilanditsbarnes

itsonenilanditsbarnes

slomo

its


one


nil


and


its


barnes


half

second

minute

secondminute secondhalf

secondminute
second
HALF

boom

second half second minute second goal in a second

second to the p()wer of second

crap, crap, crap on crap, pylos on pylos, layer on layer, goal on goal

GOAL

third no secondhalf third

threenil thrill

number three

from number two

eager to score, eager the name, all eager, all forward, eager eader

eager uses is ead

eager egret regret

EAGER

greatest crap tis true
greatest went tis true
by far the greatest team the world has ever seen
apart from those better

Eagles tie Algenterre


The Virginia Nova Eagles tied NA today in WC 30 qualifiers 1-1. The game was played in wet condition,which was probably the reason for such a low score. It was started also at twilight which mad it hard for several NA and VN players to see. This caused several off target goals and caused A NA player to almost score an Own-Goal.

At half the score was 0-0 but that would change as an NA forward scored on a penelty kick. Hellios replied by scoring a goal on his own FK and tied the game at 1 all. That would be the final score as neither team could capitalise on Extra time and VN thus walked out with one point.

Up next is a freindly against TCOD at TCOD

The temple of Karela in Hetkali was furious. Not only the System Karelan Defenders scored as if Takil itself leads them, also the rejistanian national team conceded far too often and used the most evil formations since the vinali tikira revolution (the revolution ion the day of the vinali tikira of World Cup 21, which overthrew the tactically neutral government and instated the temple of Karela as only governing force). The temple was fed up. Very fed up! It is never a good idea to annoy karelans to a point where they counter-attack. This time, the monks installed very effective va'karela'ny in the Estadije Na~ovi Nanti, where the match against Dance 2 Revolution took place.

For 89 minutes, the match remained scoreless and defensive as a System Karelan league match. The fans however did not in the least mind that the match was rather boring by takilan standards, they were fascinated by the match. The old karelan fan chants were heard again. Well, except for Taren Kea who was vaccinated against va'karela'ny effects since he fought in the vinali revolution in a takilan party. He however turned to a beautiful pink and did not realize it until it was too late. He tried to leave his place in the stadium, but the rejistanians were utterly defensive to his attempts to leave and see what exactly was happening. The karelized guards could be tricked easily into letting him pass. Taren just said: "Have you seen? D2R scored! The Orange-Blues CONCEDED!" and they checked the scoreboard.
Eventually, Taren saw the glowing va'karela'ny, however they had no switches or power-source since they were powered by sheer magic. He id not know any counter-magic. But he rememberred that liquids make va'karela'ny fail. He searched for water, then thought, 'sod it' and emptied his bladder on it. He heard a loud noise from behind and realized that the guards were very annoyed to be lied at.

They had no radio at the police station, but the celebrating rejistanians could easily be heard, so he assumed the end of the karelan influence caused a late goal. Everyone else of course knew the score: Rejistania won 4:0 due to 4 goals in the last minute. Syku Lyku scored a hat trickand I Sil'he the last goal of the match..

Champlaign is a place where nothing really happens. That was what Andreas Pfeffer realized when he came there. He would have preferred to be in System Karela since he did miss the Giant Defense Tuxes. These woderful animals only exist in the oceans near System Karela. He remembers when he watched these gigantic creatures and their nests near Defended Village. Currently, the temple was very hesitant to let him into his own home country since the takil-proof suit apparently was destroyed by a flash of pure takil from insde him, however they have no problem with him playing for the national team since there scoreless draws are not awarded with 6 points for both teams.

The match was not that special: The Defenders had no problems with the Champlaign attacks. but in the 20th minute, the spectators suddenly screamed, gigantic monsters approached the stadium from all sides. The Karelans recognized them first: Giant Defense Tuxes. Pfeffer was amazed by them and watched how they just approached and sat down, so they could watch the game.
When he looked back to the pitch, he saw the ball in the Champlaign goal and that the 1:0 was awarded to him. After the match, which was very defensive from both sides, Andreas Pfeffer searched the other not-quite-defender, Y Itikemelara, and, when no one watched, asked him: "Do you know who scored for System Karela today?" To his surprise Y Itikemelara grinned and said: "I. I always wanted to know how it feels to score in a national match. And so I did it when nobody watched!" Andreas shook his head "Why didn't you correct the officials?" - "I do not want to be exiled from home!"

Matchday 7.5 scores are now up, you can find them here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11600623#post11600623).

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSFemalesMedia.jpg

Unicorns Defeat Jungle Cats 2-0 in Friendly

Queen Sonya Sabre was pleased to see the Jungle Cats of Vilita arrive in WhiteHall for their midpoint friendly match with the Unicorns of Dorian and Sonya. It had been a while since the two squads had faced off, and was well past time for them to take the pitch against each other once again.

And believe it or not, there was a history between the two sides to base what might happen upon. In WC27 the Mystical Unicorns came in unranked and managed to put up some decent results, including a draw and a victory over what was then the 20th ranked Jungle Cats. WC28 offered more of the same as the two sides split their matches. But it was apparent that the only top ranked squad D&S had any luck against was Vilita.

Then Vilita skipped out on WC29 while the Unicorns attempted - rather poorly - to improve upon their ability to move up the rankings. And while we did manage to move up some, Vilita took a free-fall downward.

Now the two sides would meet again. D&S still trying to reach the ranks of the elite squads and Vilita looking to regain their place in the higher rankings. It had the promise of becoming quite a match - perhaps even a rivalry. As two of the predominant neutral nations in AO, the rivalry could become a great one.

The match received a ton of media for both sides and the entire event seemed drowned in coverage. Player profiles smothered the air waves and players from both squads signed more autographs than anyone should have to before the match began. And if that wasn’t enough, even the Hypocrian referees were forced to sign many autographs themselves. Several promotions were done to raise money that would be split evenly to promote youth football programs in D&S and Vilita. And {insert name} of Ariddia won the big prize of 3 million WhiteHall dollars by punting a football into a net just 3 feet high and 3 feet wide from midfield. It was quite a day, although we are still unsure as to why an Ariddian was at the match to begin with.

But on to the match. Things started out slowly as both sides tried to adjust from all the PR crap to the match itself. But it was apparent that both sides were having fun, spending almost as much time waving to fans as actually playing. { Insert Name} of Vilita even left the pitch at one point - with the ball - to sign it and give it to Jordan Ellorisinael who made it to the match in his wheelchair. The first half would end with the score 0-0.

Reserve midfielder Bethey Cangiano would get the action started in the 65th minute. Her quick move up the field caught the Vilitans off guard, but the reserves did want to win, despite the friendly feel to the match thus far. Her shot came as a surprise and easily reached the back of the net.

The Jungle cats then turned up the pressure themselves and made attack after attack. In fact it looked as if they were going to even the score on several occasions but great play from Daniella Riskin kept the score in favor of the Unicorns. But as the time was running out, the Jungle cats pushed harder and harder. And that opened the door for the counter attack that Makeda Kuwahara had been waiting for. Her goal in the 89th minute sealed the match and D&S had beaten Vilita once again this time 2-0.

The match was a great opportunity for the reserves to see some action before the MD8 match against TnUI. On MD1 TnUI had beaten the Unicorns by a score of 2-1. Hopefully it was time to avenge that result and hand TnUI their first loss of these qualifiers.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons & Raptors Draw 2-2

This is Kellan Kildan reporting live from Aurendia where the Sea Dragons faced off against the Raptors in an all-lizard-like-creature showdown.

The Raptors were out to make a name for themselves while the Sea Dragons were looking to rest the aging stars of their squad. In the end, the combination of those two facts made for quite a good match.

Khyber Allosindir would once again prove her worth to the Sea Dragons as she played the role of “field general” and conducted things very well in the process. It appears apparent that Allosindir and Genesis Galluccio will be ready to take over the leadership of the squad after the retirements that will follow this WC experience.

Allosindir set up Leean Draghi with a beautiful cross in the 31st minute and the goal evened the score at 1-1 where it would stay until halftime. Ali Devincenti would receive another Allonsindir pass for a score in the 70th minute that put the Sea Dragons up 2-1. But Aurendia had other plans and was able to pull even before the end.

After this more relaxed match, the Sea Dragons are more than ready to avenge a MD1 draw against unranked Horgate. This time ASMV will be looking to prove a point and keep hold of the top spot in Group 12.

Sel Appa beats Alif Laam Miim in Friendly!

The Turtles topped ALM in a friendly at the Grand Nemnenait Stadium. The scoreline was 2-1. The match started off with a quick attack and ended up giving Sel Appa an early goal in the 8th minute, scored by ESTEVEZ. The match continued and Sel Appa almost made several more goals, but were stopped by ALM keeper IBRAHIM Yusuf. Half Time was called with a 1-0 scoreline.

At the 53rd minute, ALM striker IBN YUSUF Alim Ramses broke through the robust Sel Appan defense to score an equalizer. The scoreline contined to the 88th minute, when MATOU Theo slipped past the ALM defense and shot in a goal. Full Time was called, the scoreline rested at 2-1. The players of both teams and coaches shook hands happily.

Sam stood there between a rock and hard place. Either give up the love of his life or give up the thing that he grew up loving. Either choice was going to leave Sam in a bitter mood for the rest of the day and spoil whatever result the national squad might achieve. Minutes went by and the two stared at each other, trying to make the other bend to their will, but niether would give in. Finnaly Sam adressed Alex.

"If that's the way it's going to be, then I'm sorry, but we're over. Football is a big part of my life, and if you can't accept that, then perhaps it's best that we end this now."

Looking like a stake was driven through her heart, Alex muttered a few words through the tears.

"That's it then? *sniffle* After all we have been through, we're breaking up over *sniffle* football? Goo *sniffle* d riddance Sam."

Slamming the door behind her, Alex drove off in a fury and Sam fell back in his chair and watched as the squad fell victim to Giant Zucchini, two to one.

Elven Times
End on Win

And with a total team effort, the Marauders ended the first leg of the tournament with a resounding win that could provide some hope for the second leg of the tournament. A five to two drubbing of Ishtar in Gladerial was definately what the team needed to boost their spirits after a dissapointing first half. With a 2-0-5 record, the team is looking at having to win five or six of the last seven games to even have a chance of qualifying. To be realistic, the team will likely finish 4th, and be in the CoH. This doesn't mean you casual fans should stop watching. We're just trying to tell you not to get your hopes up. In addition to the tearing apart of Ishtar, the team also earned a worthwile nil-nil draw in a jam packed Angelotic Temple against a Cuation's legends side. After the game, the Marauders looked pepped despite their poor performance, with the team promising the fans that they would regain their honor.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 4
Rick Cuellar - 3
Zacharius - 3
Liliam Kries - 1

Friend Watch
Cuation is looking at a tough challenge to qualify, sitting 8 pts outside of the second place team
Haraki is struggling like us, having only 6 pts like us going into the second half
Becquerelia definately looks like they are on their second straight World Cup Finals sitting second with 18 pts in group four

Article by Ron Santapa

Well, the pointless venture of kits that inflate to make them lighter seemed to be a success, with an easy 2-0 victory over Quakmybush. However, at the CSA secret projects lab, attention had already moved to different projects.

"So, are we sure that their transmissions are messed up?" Hill said, scratching behind an ear.

"Yup, they should be getting some static at least."

"Ha. Victory. Anyway, we need ideas for new crazy plots."

Rob blinked. "I didn't see any nuclear weapons around here yet."

"See, that's not exactly crazy, it's just stupid. We'd have a bunch of bitchy Starblaydis trying to break into the building to 'disarm' us, and we have enough problems as it is."

"Have you tried to build an energy-device out of a cat and toast?"

"We did. It worked, but it only lasts as long as it takes for the cat to eat the toast off it's own paws."

"What about secret camera filters that make the other team appear naked?"

"Not crazy enough."

"What about a series of secret mutant doubles that kidnap players from other teams, absorb their DNA, transform into them, and then suck out loud?"

"..."

"... Miss Hill?"

Hill sat in her seat for a while. "Rob. You know we value your input, we really do."

Rob took a deep breath. This wouldn't end well.

"And then you show me exactly why we value it so much with an idea like this." she finished, grabbing a cell phone off the table and calling someone. "Yes, we've had an idea. I want you to work on this right away. Make it your second priority... No, the portal should always be first. Always... Well, damnit, ignore what I said then and listen to me now!" she said, handing the phone to Rob. "Follow their directions to wherever the hell they are in this building, and then tell them the idea and kick their ass a few times to get them started."

"Um... Yes ma'am." Rob said, hurrying off.

OOC: Sorry for the delay. Couldn't slip away from the GF.

Az-cz Scroll
August 26, 2006
Az-cz City
Il-Lur

Bedistan Proves their dominance, but Az-cz finds a goal

With the number two team in the world coming to town things were not expected to be easy for the good guys, and they weren't. However Az-cz played with the #2 team for 60 minutes before falling apart in the last 30.
In the first half both teams played well but neither team was able to come up with any goals. Hollins and Hetaki both saw certain goals robbed by Gn-Lg and Kn-Dg put a shot of the crossbar and things were deadlocked at half. The only other thing of note was a yellow for Zax-Im in the 23rd minute.
In the second half things quickly heated up. Pizelkaxrovsky set up Kn-Dg to forward a pass to Uz-Gz who blasted it past Vailatai Issah to give Az-cz the lead in minute 48.
The stadium went crazy at that point. To have a second half lead against Bedistan was huge. However it didn't last long. Parker Law, the Bedistan captain, scored an equalizer off the ensuing kickoff to even the score at 1-all.
Both teams played pretty evenly until Zax-Im made a huge mistake in minute 60. He picked up his second yellow on a late challenge on Leonard Hollins. He was sent off the team fell apart.
The bedistan barrage was underway almost immediately after he was sent off. With out the main man in the midfield Bedistan was slicing through for good attacks consistently. However Levesque didn't want to bring on any defenders, cause he was still fighting for the win. The only thing that kept the game time was great keeping from Gn-Lg at the back.
Unfortunately he was finally overcome in minute 72 on a beautiful shot from Felicity Wilson. She quickly added a second in the 75th to put Bedistan up 3-1.
At this point Levesque threw caution to the wind, a move that many will question, taking off Hubertino and bringing on Bub-Rub. Unfortunately this only exacerbated the problem as Bedistan quickly found two more goals, one from Felicity for her hat trick and the other from Felipa Alansa on the left side.
The Az-cz team finished with nine points from its first seven matches. Next up is Miceland in the return leg of our friendly series and then The Candrian Empire when the qualifiers restart. Currently Az-cz sits in fifth, tied with Nebuleux on points, but trailing in terms of goal differential.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 1 Bedistan 5
Az-cz Scorers 48 Kn-Dg
Possession Az-cz 43% Bedistan 57%
Shots Az-cz 7 Bedistan 24
Corners Az-cz 0 Bedistan 2

QSPN TONIGHT

Tim Brady: A sad day for all of Qazox tonight as for the 1st time ever Qazox has lost to Green Wombat in football. In fact it is the 1st ever Qazox has lost to any other country from the Q Continuum as well. This stunning loss by the Black Oxen does not bode well for the second half of qualifing. Some people are blaming the loss and the disappointing qualifaction run on the mysterious Electromagnetic asteriod, now named Kyote, as well as other strange happenings in Qazox. Tommorrow, Qazox will travel to Miceland and hopefully start a new winning streak.

OOC: This is as miceland I logged into the wrong account and can't be bothered to rectify

The Az-Cz friendly was held at the Miceland National Stadium, while once again the mice fielded their full team for a friendly against the Az-Czzers the result was by no mean in Miceland's pocket. Miceland had performed there worst ever, right of the back of the amazing 1-0 tadjikistan win, the whole team was lethargic and apparently had lost any and all skills that they had. The Az-Cz, which was no where near full strength easily dominated the mice and in a match tha was expected to be either close or dominated by the Miceland side.

Many observers think that Karma was paying the mice back for their weird win against the the Tadjikistan Tigers. However the Burnwood institute knew better, the spell that was cast, required a payment. And this loss was the payment, The BurnWood Sikiren magic detectors ony had only detect a very faint magical arua on the mice. They was unsure whether the magic was taken away by a cosmic entity because of the selfish usage of the magic or if it just cost some of the magic in them to cast the spell.

The result was un-deniable, a 0-4 thrashing at the hands of Miceland's closest friend. The Friendly had a diverse cultural show from both Az-Cz gnomish population and it's human population. In fact a government official covertly approached an official of the Az-Cz and discussed the possibility of a combined spy agency.

PART THE 16TH

As Paul Mall, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson took the elevator up towards the bosses office, a figure stood waiting on the 15th floor for them, Agent Orange. The doors opened and two shots rang out and Smith and Wesson dropped to the floor, dead.

"So...You gonna kill me too?" asked Paul. The woman standing in front of him said nothing and motioned with her gun to come out. As they began to walk down the hall, the woman suddenly turned and shot Paul in the leg.

"Wha... ahhh.." Paul said as he slumped to the floor.

Agent Orange proceeded to pick Paul up off the floor and carried him into her Boss' office.

"THANK YOU, AGENT ORANGE, PLEASE DISPOSE OF MISTERS SMITH AND WESSON." the boss said as the agent left to complete her new task. SO MR. MALL OR SHOULD I SAY KYLE CARTMAN, AGENT 0007? WE FINALLY MEET.

MC: Here we are with the team after their 7th qualifying game. They currently sit in 5th place with nine points. Joining us today are the two staples coach Levesque and Zax-Im.

Levesque: It was a tough day for us today. Losing Zax-Im really hurt us and let's face it they're a stronger team then we are. Still I'm proud of the team for playing strong for 60 minutes. The 5-1 score line doesn't do us justice.

Az-cz reporter 1: Zax-Im tell us about the two cards.

Zax-Im: I was just dumb. I made mental errors. While I don't believe either was a foul watching on tape you could see how they came to that conclusion.

Az-cz reporter 2: Coach how does this affect the lineup for next game?

Levesque: It doesn't. Zax-Im will serve his suspension against Miceland and then be back for the game against Candrian Empire.

Az-cz reporter 3: How's Stanleyinho?

Levesque: He's made significant progress. Expect him to be back for the Candrian Empire match, but not in the starting lineup.

Az-cz reporter 4: What are the goals for the second half.

Levesque: Improvement. A top four spot. Taking points off a team ahead of us. There are a number of goals. We're doing ok, but the main thing is to earn some results. A number of our Baptism of Fire compatriots have picked up impressive wins or draws, while we don't have any.

Az-cz reporter 5: What's the plan for the friendly against Miceland?

Levesque: We're going to again use a side of not main players. This time there won't be any main squad players, other than Fr-Tld. However we will be capping some of our older players this time, in respect of them and the fact they might not get a chance otherwise.

Az-cz reporter 6: You get a chance to catch any of the AOKCC stuff?

Zax-Im: Yeah. That Josh Trengrove looks great. He needs to improve his technique, but we've already seen great improvment.

Levesque: I don't have time right now. When qualifying ends I'll get back into Kleptochase, but for now it's on the back burner. I will try to catch a bit of the World championships if they can get off the ground.

MC: Alright, last question

Az-cz reporter 7: What's the area that needs the most work for the second half?

Levesque: I'd say it's general technique. We've had flashes of good offense and flashes of good defense, but no consistency doing both.

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k163/canuck3360/SportsnetRVWCXXX.png
Soccer Central

With all the Distractions of the Challeneg shield we barely noticed Rorysville'sclimb to Second place in Group 5 of the 30th World Cup.We now have eneterd the Second Batch of Friendlies and the Rorysville/Marceau Rivalry was renewed today ith a thirlling 2-1 win by Rorysville.

On to the Game. The Match started with the usual RV/Marceau Fanfare as both sides traded great oppertunities.Larionov made the save of the Tournament at the 34th minute when Lajeunesse broke through and rifled a shot meant for the back of the net.Larionov Stretched out and stopped it with the tips of his fingers.the Save energized Rorysville and just 5 minutes later Neguanne put the ball through Allards legs and broke through to score top shelf beating Cossile.The Half ended 1-0 RV the Second half would be fast paced with Goals comming at the 66th and 89th Minutes.The Game puts Rorysville up 2-0 in the Mooseledge Systems Challenge Cup.

Scoring Summary
RV-A.Neguanne(39min)
MR-Mx.Fréchette(66min)
RV-A.Lenevue(89min)


MD0: @Marceau(Friendly) Wednesday 16th August (Schia) W 4-0
MD1: @Spaam Thursday 17th August (Schia) L 4-0
MD2: Tocapa Friday 18th August (Qutar) W 2-0
MD3: @Peturbed Lepoard Sunday 20th August (Schia) W 3-0
MD4: @Vuam and Isma Monday 21st August (Qutar) W 2-0
MD5: Risa-Aramour Wednesday 23rd August (Schia) W 4-0
MD6: @Krytenia Thursday 24th August (Qutar) D 1-1
MD7: Eseck Friday 25th August (Qutar) W 4-0
MD7.5: Marceau(Freindly) Saturday 26th August (Qutar) W 2-1
MD8: Spaam Sunday 27th August (Qutar)
MD9: @Tocapa Tuesday 29th August (Schia)
MD10: Peturbed Lepoard Wednesday 30th August (Qutar)
MD11: Vuam and Isma Friday 1st September (Schia)
MD12: @Risa-Armour Saturday 2nd September (Qutar)
MD13: Krytenia Monday 4th September (Schia)
MD14: @Eseck Tuesday 5th Spetember (Schia)

P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Krytenia 7 6 1 0 22 5 17 19
Rorysville 7 5 1 1 16 5 11 16
Spaam 7 4 2 1 18 5 13 14
Risa-Aramour 7 4 1 2 15 13 2 13
Vuam and Isma 7 3 1 3 11 9 2 10
Eseck 7 1 1 5 4 22 -18 4
Peturbed Lepoard 7 1 0 6 2 15 -13 3
Tocapa 7 0 1 6 7 21 -14 1

HELLO?! WAIT...WHAT? WE LOST TO HARLESBURG AND ASMV?!

Strange Electromagnetic Storm Knocks Out Valerian Communications

It was a wierd two days for the fans of the Boyars. The Magnus Valerian national football team is cherished, and it is reported that some people went into shock once everything went static. Some people went temporarily insane when the VBC's sportscast of the Boyars in their game against New Montreal States cut off. A strange mass of clouds moved in from the seas to the west of the empire and covered the massive Valerian Empire in a strange storm that cut off the nation from the rest of the world's communications for a few days.

The storm created fog, light rain, winds, and lightning throughout the empire, and an anomaly like this often happens ominously under the reign of a bad emperor according to legend. Other than that, such storms occur every so often, even under the reign of good emperors, so the legend is moot. However, little is known of the origin of these storms. Some UFO fanatics believe aliens are creating bad weather across the Kuric and Gedonian Continents to help create a bit of chaos for fun. Some believe solar flares or the moon's position in orbit causes the storms. Most point the cause to the mixing of weather patterns in the Central Pacific Ocean that sends this weather like a shockwave. The electromagnetic storm knocks out communications, and sometimes they have known to have prolonged periods of time.

A good theory of the cause of these storms are that there are currently undis covered hyper-active volcanic islands in the Central Pacific, and when one has a violent eruption, it sends a pulsewave and this strange storm to the nations of the Kuric and Gedonian Continents (which includes Magnus Valerius).

When the storm cleared, Valerians were shocked to see that the Boyars have dropped to fifth in Group 12:


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 7 5 1 1 19 6 13 16
Green wombat 7 5 1 1 14 8 6 16
New Montreal States 7 4 2 1 16 5 11 14
Harlesburg 7 4 0 3 11 13 -2 12
Magnus Valerius 7 3 2 2 13 10 3 11
Lexington SC 7 2 0 5 10 18 -8 6
Horgate 7 1 1 5 2 10 -8 4
Carvalo 7 0 1 6 3 18 -15 1

"WE LOST TWO GAMES?" shouts Aleksei Yazidovich, an avid Boyars fan. "DAMN THESE STORMS! THEY COULD USE A PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!"

Well, after a draw with New Montreal States, Magnus Valerius lost 1-2 to Androssa Se Mitirn Vega. However, we congratulate ASMV for their excellent performance in the Group; they are set to qualify! As for the Boyars, we may or may not... it depends if the Green Wombats is creamed (like they should have been a long while back). Another disheartening game was between Harlseburg and Magnus Valerius; we were supposed to win that game! Anyway, the Boyars fans are back in contact with their favorite team and now hope to see the Boyars make a mad dash back to the second slot in the Group!


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1

MD7.5: Friendly games

MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC @ Tsar's Arena, Isangrad
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States @ Immortal City Field in Tabriz
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

Draw keeps top teams close

The match away against Lylybium yielded another two-nil victory for the Ariddians, but the home game against Spruitland, in Darras Olympic Stadium, promised to be a lot more of a challenge. Spruitlanders tend to be seen by Ariddians as “a rather strange bunch”, and it was with some curiosity that spectators took their place in the stadium. Ariddians have also expressed curiosity as to what a spruit ( Spruitland#Background) tastes like, as few are readily available in the country.

The match itself started well enough. Nathalie Simon shot the ball high through the narrow gap between defenders Koenraad Opdebeeck and Nico Van Dyck, scoring the opening goal for Ariddia in the twenty-second minute. Eleven minutes later, a free kick led to a rather muddled situation, as Ariddian attackers remained close to Simon Briers’ goal cage, but were unable to break Spruitland’s defence, while the latter could not clear the ball out of the danger zone. Nam Hyok-Jun eventually put an end to the suspense by scoring, making it two-nil. With Spruitland scoring in the fortieth minute, however, it was still anyone’s game by half-time.

Spruitland then established a slow but solid lead, with a total two goals by Provoost and one by Planaeter. It was left to Hanifah Kyaw to put Ariddian supporters’ fears to rest by equalising in the eighty-fourth, after which neither side was able to break the stalemate in the final minutes.

“It’s not quite as good as we’d hoped, but we were up against a tough, skilled opponent,” Kyaw, the team’s captain, said later. “Both sides did well, I think, and neither of us really dominated the match. A draw still leaves us in the lead in our group, but we’re going to have to be careful.”

Milchama Rocket Cuation

Late Goal Makes It Milchama's Day

"Game winds down as Clufor brings the ball forward, plays it to Klinn who has come over the half way line. Cuation has a man over thanks to Nielson's injury, but the defenders back off. What the? A missile has hit the pitch, ref waves play off as Florn takes the ball! Jude comes out but the shot comes in and into the top corner! Brilliant shot but the ref must blow."

"What? The goal has been given, Cuation have been robbed as the players surrounded the referee! Milchama have almost killed people and fielded an ineligible player but the biased ref... his leg has been broken by an angry fan! A pitch invasion as Cuation fans wield justice, the match may be over but the ref will never walk again!" From Cuation's TV commentator

Cuation Times Spot Editor:

In the end, Cuation can consider themselves unlucky to have not gained a point but neither side looked value for a win, sitting tight a 5-4-1 vs. a 3-3-4. Cuation's long ball tactics and counter attacks never really worked while the away sides’ attempts to win pretty didn't work, the Cuation defence willing to foul quite often.

It was a boring game for the most part with both defences on top. Lu Fei ran onto Butcher's early cross, unmarked, but his header lacked power, Finton easily saving it on the line was the best chance Cuation had. The away side's best chance was when Aaron Kary shaped to cross but then suddenly burst inside, fooling the offside trap but as Cheese came to cover, the winger rushed his shot, shooting straight at Jude's legs.

Cuation will be frustrated by the result but three straight defeats and an inability to get a point against the two top teams, sees Cuation languish eleven points behind second place. The dreams of the Cuation fans look destroyed all already before the half way stage, the manager has a lot of work to do.

Man of the Match

Leaving aside the illegal striker, it was going to be a defending type of player and we say it was Hargreves that played the best. Hassling, harrying, covering, he was a pest when Cuation didn't have the ball and allowed the Cuation attacking players to get forward

Shot of the Match

The winner was perfect as a shot, Jude had narrowed the angle while his defenders recovered from having a missile launched at them, yet Floren hit it sweetly, with power and swerve, it bent into the top corner, Jude unable to do anything about it.

Save of the Match

Lu Fei's header lacked pace but it was heading to the bottom corner, it required Finton to have been concentrating, he did well to get down to it and with his other saves from long shots, he fully deserved a clean sheet.

Moan of the Match

Cuation security, knowing how badly the fans had reacted to the away teams predictions, they should have done more. A missile ended up on the pitch and set off the volatile fans who assaulted the officials, some of the security staff where seen joining in the assault.

OOC - Someone forgot to produce the Jeruselem vs Yafor 2 friendly (MD 7.5 results)

Finn Fumbles knocks of Dazza Dalla's door. It was around 10 PM. Dazza answers the door in her underwear.

Dazza: Hi there Finn, what you up to?
Finn: Err, I'd better let you get dressed first
Dazza: Oh, don't worry. I alays wander around like this at home. Doesn't bother me.
Finn: I want to borrow something.
Dazza: Want to come in first. It's rude to leave your guests outside

Finn: Err, umm
Dazza: (drags Finn inside and closes the door) Come on, you silly man.
Finn: Well, can I borrow your iPod
Dazza: Sure, but don't go erasing stuff off it or dropping it

Finn: No, no. I just want to copy stuff off it.
Dazza: That's alright. Bring it back tomorrow
Finn: No problems
Dazza: Oi, don't go escaping. I want to ask you some questions! It's for the Jeruselem team profiles. I use them as background information for my interviews you know.
Finn: OK, err, how long will this take?

Dazza: Not long! Firstly, you got a girlfriend?
Finn: Err, no. I'm thinking of asking someone.
Dazza: Yeah? Who?
Finn: I shouldn't say ...

Dazza: OK, next question. Who is your soccer or football hero?
Finn: Harry Kool
Dazza: Who is your favourite female soccer player?
Finn: Do I have to answer this?

Dazza: Yes, yes. I expect you to answer all the questions?
Finn: Your sister, Debbie Dallas
Dazza: Like my sis eh? Good stuff. Now, got any hobbies apart from football?
Finn: Woodchopping ...

Dazza: Woodchopping? Aren't your family naturally clumsy?
Finn: Yes, but I'm not all that clumsy as well as goalkeeper should not be. It's good for you hand-eye coordination.
Dazza: Interesting! Next question - do you think girls or women should be playing in the World Cup team?
Finn: Yes

Dazza: Do you think Dazza and Rachel are too sexy to present the Football Life
Finn: No
Dazza: One more, would you like female coach for World Cup 31?
Finn: I don't really as long as they are a good coach.

Dazza: That's it. Oi, now who you going to ask out?
Finn: Well, err, it's ... err
Dazza: It's me, right?
Finn: It is

Dazza: Now, what's wrong with asking someone in her own place in her underwear? Just ask.
Finn: It might be too forward you know.
Dazza: That's that Dazza wants.
Finn: OK, but what's the answer

Dazza: OK
Finn: I was expecting no actually ...
Dazza: Hey, I'm not that fussy. (hands Finn an iPod)
Finn: Thanks. Tomorrow, say 9 PM

Dazza: Make that 10PM, I've got things to do before.
Finn: That's fine. I won't do anything rash.
Dazza: No, no. That's my job!
Finn: That's what scares me.

Dazza: I think you want one of these (gives him a big kiss)
Finn: Whoa! (goes all red)
Dazza: Girls kissing you in their underwear. Now, that's a good start eh?
Finn: I have to go ... (runs out)

Dazza: Hehe
Rachel: (walks in) You upto something here?
Dazza: Me?
Rachel: So, Finn asked you out eh?

Dazza: Yes
Rachel: Well, keep it clean. You know team conduct.

Dazza: I know.
Rachel: Have fun kids!
Dazza: Dazza means fun around here.
Rachel: And Rachel means trouble.

Dazza: Let's get Finn on TV for next edition of the Football Life
Rachel: That will be fun
Dazza: He goes all quiet around you and me
Rachel: Good idea, get him to be more confident on TV

Dazza: Might ask him some private questions, for effect
Rachel: You ask them, I'll do the boring stuff
Dazza: OK
Rachel: It's a deal

Defenders 3 Bring Cuation Away Joy

Three defeats in a row and with the race for qualification seemingly over already, this was a game for building confidence up, to try to end the run, to be ruthless and efficient, not the matter of the win. A fluke effort by Butcher and two corners where enough to see off struggling BENKONATE.

In the end, Cuation dominated without really having a cutting edge and got a win to bring them within eight points of Oliverry. The defence was tight and another clean sheet was collected and that solid base ensured Cuation could push forward.

Demoralised, Rual Mendiz and Lu Fei looked disjointed, Anderton and Pual Keane didn't do much better when they came on at half time. Cuation took the lead in the 20th minute with Fallen and Giovanni playing the ball amongst themselves, waiting for options.

Milnar came inside, drawing out the full back for Butcher to sprint free down the left. Giovanni's cross field pass was perfect, Butcher not having to break stride. His cross curled inside, eluding the strikers and over the surprised keeper to nestle in the back of the net.

In the 30th minute, Cuation doubled the lead, Giovanni's low cross deflected behind for a corner. The playmaker took it, launching it into the six yard box where Yan met it with just enough power in his head to send it past the man on the line. Though it seems harsh to criticize, Giovanni's delivery was poor, had the keeper come for it or a man been at the near post, it would have been cleared.

Safe, Cuation didn't push for the win, wiling to wind down time, job done and with points in the bag. Perhaps they should have pushed on but they did score a third, Giovanni falling under a challenge. His long free kick was met at the far post by the powerful head of Cheese , the ball flying across the keeper and into the net.

Shot of the Match

Cheese's header was not textbook but it was perfectly done which makes me wonder why he hasn't done that more. Powerful, accurate, he attacked the ball to make it do what he wanted, the keeper stood no chance.

Save of the Match

Butcher's goal, Cuation looked like they would never score but his miss hit cross gave something for Cuation to hang onto, installing some more confidence in the side that has seen better days. Saved us all from a bore draw at least.

Moan of the Match

Poor final balls and a struggling attack has cost Cuation badly, ten goals in seven games is a poor return for this team. We should not be forced to rely on set plays against the groups wooden spoon team, we should be winning with style.

Man of the Match

Giovanni set up all three goals and was the best of a mediocre lot in this game. Lucky with the second goal, the man has so much talent but has not thrived as expected so far.

Az-cz Scroll
August 27, 2006
Miceland
Em-Nm

Home is where the goals aren't

Before the tournament Az-cz hosted Miceland in a successful friendly that Miceland won 1-0. After the first half of qualifying Miceland returned the favor. The day was set up as a celebration of all things mice. All Az-czzers who made the trip got to experience a number of very interesting things. There was a strange sort of partial lipsynching to a song about a mouse hero by a performer called Andy Kaufmannmouse. There was a beautiful dance people by a kids troup called the Mini-mousketeers set to a modern pop song "squeak, scuttle and roll" and outside the stadium they had mini Kleptochase courses set up where Az-czzers and mice could compete against each other like their heroes. And inside the stadium the mice had graded up their stadium fare. They had brought in special chefs to create delicacies such as Granola Flambe and Cricket Curry. This reporter recommends that anyone who can find it partake in the special Micenberry Parfait. Heavenly.
While the festivities were fun for both teams the football was only fun for the Az-czzers. Fielding a team entirely different from normal the starting lineup was J-Nash and Kik-Esh up front An-Sar and James Levesque as the front of the midfield Sim-Blr and In-Sct in the middle and Smr-Nov holding the line at the back of the midfield. Kov-Tn, Pl-Cx and Dk-Wd as the defenders and in a suprise Sr-Gy starting in place of Fr-Tld.
The game started out slowly as the Az-czzers had no international experience and the Miceland seemed to be too excited. Fievel ChurchMouse had any number of good shots but he sprayed them all over the place and none of them found the net.
Miceland definitely looked to be the better team for about the first 15 minutes, but after that Az-cz took over. James Levesque was the catalyst for the first goal, setting up J-Nash for an easy shot after he recieved the ball from Sim-Blr. That put Az-cz ahead after 17 minutes and they continued to push the score.
They found their second goal near the end of the half. In-Sct won a freekick which Levesque slid cleverly to J-Nash who blasted in his second goal.
At half time Levesque burnt all three of his subs. He took out his son, Dk-Wd and Kik-Esh and brought on Kl-Mv, Chad Jones, and Vladimir Kazakov. Chad Jones immediately made that decision of his coaches look good as he set up J-Nash to finish off his hat trick. Amazingly when he put his hat trick in he still had 37 minutes to try to score again.
And he did. J-Nash set the Az-cz single game scoring record by putting a fourth past Pinky WinslowMouse in the 76th minute. Vladimir Kazakov passed to Jones who slid it easily over to J-Nash who swung the ball in for his fourth.
He nearly had a fifth right at the 90th minute but Pinky WinslowMouse was just able to push it onto the bar to deny him.
Still a great performance and a day that will be remembered by Az-cz fans. Even the dignitaries had a good day with Az-cz and Miceland officials sited throughout the stadium intermingling. Based on the atmosphere of the friendlies expect a long friendship between these two nations.

Stats

Goals Az-cz 4 Miceland 0
Az-cz scorers 17,43, 58, 76 J-Nash
Possession Az-cz 55% Miceland 45%
Shots Az-cz 14 Miceland 7
Corners Az-cz 2 Miceland 0

Rejistania 4 - 0 Dance 2 Revolution

Rejistanian curse continues as D2R fall foul to final minute massacre

Dance 2 Revolution travelled to Rejistania with the fates of the team in the balance, a point was needed against the Revolutionaries bogey team it was felt to give D2R any chance of toppling Bazalonia for the qualification place.

For the majority of the match, the ex-symbols of absolute defensive perfection seemed eager to show themselves as good as their predecessors as all D2R attacks were snuffed out with ease. In similar fashion though, and Rejistanian build-ups were also bounced back by the veteran D2R defence.

At half-time, the score read Rejistania 0 - 0 Dance 2 Revolution, neither side going in particularly happy and with the fans looking on in intrigue rather than enjoyment, the second half started.

Gavrj Taqin launched a scathing touchline rollicking of Van Hujkdul when he spurned D2Rs best chance of the game in the 67th minute, when D2R actually managed to get half way into Rejistania's half and he gave the ball away.

As the match approached 85 minutes, it appeared as though Dance 2 Revolution would finish a match against Rejistania with any sort of result since the full time score of the World Cup 17 Final. The home fans started to jeer the D2R players who had started to play possession football around their own defence.

As the end of the match approached, a strange force was felt around the arena as the whole complexion of the match changed, Rejistania's tactics changed to an Extremist All Out Attack formation, whereas D2R switched to the non-existant tactis.

Rejistania were mercifuless, banging in 4 goals in the final minute of the game as the curse of Rejistania ravaged D2R stronger than ever, as many fans left the stadium disgusted, for different reasons.

Dance 2 Revolution now find themselves struggling in the mid-table. Group 14 looks like this:


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Rejistania 7 6 1 0 22 3 19 19
Bazalonia 7 4 2 1 19 11 8 14
System Karela 7 4 1 2 8 5 3 13
Geisenfried 7 4 0 3 10 12 -2 12
Dance 2 Revolution 7 3 2 2 9 7 2 11
Ropa-Topia 7 1 2 4 5 10 -5 5
Champlaign 7 1 0 6 2 15 -13 3
Commerce Heights JSY 7 0 2 5 3 15 -12 2


Although only 3 points behind Bazalonia, System Karela and Geisenfried also look to be taking the 2nd Qualification place.

Dance 2 Revolution have cancelled their friendly match against Kaze Progressa as D2R manager Gavrj Taqin felt that it was inadaquate match for regrouping, grouping with the controversy in Dance 2 Revolution following the release of controversial game "In Da Groove", Taqin announced that the team would be preparing by a televised competition on new game DDR: Supernova.

The next competetive match will be in Geisenfried. Many feel that after the disappointment in Rejistania, the match against Geisenfried has new importance, failure to perform again could all but rule D2R out of the qualification race.

One Win, and One Loss

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team played 2 friendlies yesterday. They defeated Tocapa 2-1 and lost to World Cup Champions Casari 2-0. First up a recap of the Casari match which was really highlighted by the opposing teams "different" style of kits. The kits appeared to be very light weight, and may have helped the Casari team to victory. Now the Tocapa game. The Quakmybush team got off to a quick start. Jon Fields scored his 13th career goal in the 7th minute. Then a Tocapa player scored in the 56th. Owen Targreeev made his return with a goal in the 83rd minute to give Quakmybush the lead, and eventually the win. Quakmybush must now look forward for the rest of their qualifying.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/rp/wcxxxi/vilc31.gif
(http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=497489)

Vilitans reveal World Cup 31 Hosting Plans

The Tropics of Vilita, today, officiall revealed their plans to host the thirty first edition of the Nationstates World Cup, in a co-hosting opportunity with fellow Atlantian Oceania nation and long-time rival The Allied States of The Lowland Clans. The history between Vilita and The Lowland Clans goes back all the way to day one, as Vilita's first ever competitive world cup qualifying match was against the Allied States, a match the Vilita Jungle Cats did not fare to win in the somewhat predictable leagion scorinating method being introduced at the time by Rejistania and Cockbill Street.

It has been widely expected that this hosting bid would be announced after claims from the Football Association of Turori that the Tropics of Vilita had turned down a hosting offer from them in order to attempt a bid with a larger nation from within Atlantian Oceania at over 7.5 Billion inhabitants, they don't come much larger than the Lowland Clans, and the former rivals will now be uniting with a view towards both progress and competition in their bid to host World Cup xXxI.

Unlike World Cup 17 in Vilita & Kaze Progressa, there are no plans to use Turorian Stadia in the Vilitan section of the finals of World Cup 31. All matches are tentatively scheduled to take place either on the main Island or Turoki Isle, the second largest Island in the Vilitan Cove.

Following the announcement, guests were invited into a banquest hall where the Vilitan friendly in Dorian and Sonya,a chance for some of the fringe players to show their skill, was taking place and being broadcast live on the big screen. Unfortunately for the visitors, The Vilitan effort was less than spectacular in the 2-0 friendly defeat, the Nations first official friendnly international in many, many seasons.

Half-way through and it looked as if the group was very, very tight at the top. Cataduanes on 18, Jeruselem on 16 and Wentland and UIE on 15. The rest however were some way back.

That was of concern for Tommy Barnes. Wentland's position was a little artificial; they had played both top seeds at home so the two most difficult games were to come. And it was looking as if a win at Cataduanes was imperative. Barnes could not rely on the Delesas of this world to pick up a shock result and drag Cataduanes and Jeruselem down - at least not repeatedly. Lose both those away games and the gap was effectively a minimum of 5 points but with only 5 games to catch it up.

The main hope was that Cataduanes still had Jeruselem to visit. Barnes was dismissing the chances of catching Jeruselem; Wentland had played above themselves to sneak the late win over the group favourites whilst the new squad was still knitting together and the only other points dropped were against the eleven man defence of Delesa. The Duanos had only dropped points to Jeruselem and were massacred in so doing. Win at Cataduanes and hope for a massive favour from Jeruselem? Perhaps more likely than Jeruselem blowing up.

And there were still the UIE. Very similar record and a defeat away from home. We must hammer them when we get back to wherever we're playing them, thought Barnes. The Garrison? King's Reach? Hmm.

Meanwhile, it was Marion Oaks. Which led to...

PUNAROUND!!!!

...in which the team spent the flight oaking around, although the fear of flying had meant Bertie Tanner was somewhat ashen-faced. Most of the team had high aspenations of qualifying for the finals, despite the deciduously unlikelihood of felling Cataduanes. Tanner was not helped by the circuitous root taken to the ground, once the team had collected their trunks, as they visited an overseas branch of the Crowhurst supporters' club. They considered leafing him behind but he woodn't let them. Barnes put a halt to it at the ground. "Fir God's sake, not that old chestnut," he expectorated. "Yeah," said Peter Davey, "after that journey we're bushed. It wasn't berry nice."

((Tynelia RP))

“Hello everyone to an off day in Tynelia’s run at Woorld Cup 30 qualification. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer weekly. While the team rests up for the second half let’s take a look at how the other groups have gone to this point.”

“OK Mike I’ll start things off with group 1. Liverpool England has more than lived up to its top seeding in the group with a commanding 6 point lead over second seed Chicanada and the third seeded Lowland Clans who are tied on points with 13 each. Dropping into fourth with their loss to LE is Spaamanian Plijous at 12 points. No one else has more than seven points here so the second qualifier will come from these three teams. Chicanada having to me thought of as a bit of a disappointment so far.”

“Despite that Dana, they are still in second which has to be a bit of a blow to the other two. Moving on to group 2 in a bit of a surprise second seed Milchama has run the board to this point giving them a three point lead over top seed Oliverry with 18 points. With the next three teams all tied at 10 points I think its pretty safe to say that the top two seeds here can start making their hotel reservations. Both Cuation and Lisburn Mateys have to be disappointed with their three loss first halves which have all but eliminated them.”

“Yes that’s a pretty straightforward group there Mike. In group 3, Casari, the defending champs, and McPsychoville are running first and second as expected. The big shocker here is that not only in third seed Haraki barely out of the cellar but that fourth seed and 78th ranked Iansisle is only three points behind McPsychoville for the second qualifying spot. We’ll just have to see if the fourth seeds can hang on in the second half.”

“As for group 4, the top two seeds have opened things up here as well. Squornshelous the top seeds are in front with a perfect record to date while Becquerelia’s only loss was to the top seeds. Another disappointing start for a third seed as Kercia finds itself in a three way tie and actually sits fourth some six points behind Becquerelia. This appears to be another group that the top seeds have pretty well in hand. Though long time vierwes of this show may recall when the Kazoo Peoples rallied from a 8 points behind Nanakaland in the second half to take the final qualifying spot on the final day.”

“A lot of people forget that one, in fact it was their 2-1 victory over Tynelia that allowed the Kazoo peoples to advance. Now let’s look at group 5. Here’s a group where many of Tynelia’s BoF brethren are fighting for the advancement. Krytenia the top seed leads the group by three but then the class of 27 take three of the next four slots with fourth seed Rorysville currently holding onto second by two points over second seed Spaam and three over fifth seed Risa-Aramour. Vuam and Isma, the third seed, have to be a bit upset that they are currently in fifth six points out of second with two more teams in between.”

“Group 6 is Tynelia’s group of course. Only the top three teams have a realistic chance of advancing and Tynelia is basically hanging on for dear life to try and keep Starblaydia and Bettia from just coasting into the WC proper as they have dominated the rest of the group just as the experts predicted when the draw was made.”

“Group 7 is a bit unusual though Mike. Here the second seed Commerce Heights have a four point lead over top seed Tadjikistan. However hot on their heels are the sixth seeded Mice of Miceland and fourth seed the Raging Penguins both only a single point behind the top seed. In a bit of irony, Qazox, a team that always sprints out to an early edge only to find new ways to collapse in the final two matches is down in sixth, four points out of qualifying. I wonder if this means they’ll reverse their regular form Mike and shock everyone with an amazing second half rally to atone for a poor first half.”

“That would be an interesting scenario if it works out that way Dana. At least the Oxen fans are hoping that’s the case. Getting to group 8 where the top four seeds are all within three points of each other making this one of the most competitive groups out there. At the moment the Cataduanes hold a tight two point advantage over top seed Jeruselem but both Wentland and the United Island Empires are both lurking only a point behind Jeruselem. This one should go down to the final matchday I think.”

“Looking at group 9 now Mike, this group could just not even bother playing the matches and send the results in that way because this is the only group that at the halfway point has the standings match exactly to the seedings when the draw was announced. However, third seed Yafor 2 is only one point behind second place Spruitland and two behind group leader Arridia so there is plenty of time for the top three to move around some before all is said and done. Rordia is clinging to hope in fourth only three points behind Yafor 2 but it may be a case of too many teams to catch here.”

“Well they’re not that bad off though Dana, a couple of upsets in the second half and they could become a major contender. In group 10 Hockey Canada has had some trouble getting out of the gates and find themselves in second behind the Archregimancy by a point. The bane of all nations that have yet to qualify by doing so their first time Quakmybush looks to make it two in a row as they lurk only a point behind HC. Giant Zucchini, the fourth seed is also not out of this yet as they are only two points behind Quakmybush while the rest of the group is fighting for fifth.”

“Now as for group 11, Total n Utter Insanity and Fmjphoenix are well in front of third place Dorian and Sonya. A six point difference between second and third means barring a total collapse these the top two seeds should advance to the WC proper. Dorian and Sonya’s upset loss to the Colony of Delaware really took them out of contention to this point though they’ve rallied with a pair of wins since but it looks like too little too late this time around.”

“We’re almost there soccer fans as we’ve now reached group 12.This group is also very tightly contested. The top seed New Montreal States had a horrible by their standards first half and sit in third place two points behind the co-leaders. While the presence of second seed ASMV at the top is no surprise, the fact that they are tied with the fifth seeded class of 27 Green Wombats is a major one. The fourth and third seeds Harlesburg and Magnus Valerius come up behind NMS at two and three points back respectively but based on the way these teams are beating each other up this margin may not be insurmountable.”

“That does look like it’ll have an interesting finish to that group Mike. Looking at group 13 the top two of Bedistan and Nedalia are tied for first at the moment. However they have not yet shaken the third seed the Anathematic Republics who are hanging in only two points out of first. Everyone else in this group though is out of the running. This group resembles group 6 as far as contention goes and if the AR hadn’t been surprised with a MD 7 draw to fourth seed Nebuleux we’d be looking at a threeway tie for first.”

“As for my final group, group 14 we find Rejistania has a comfortable grasp of first place by five points, though second seed Dance 2 Revolution finds itself in fifth, three points behind third seed Balazonia. Mixed in between are System Karela and Geisenfried with the former a lone point out of a qualifying spot and the latter only two. This final spot will be fought over until the final matchday though Rejistania should have their spot clinched long before that.”

“And to conclude this look back, we reach group 15. Here the top four seeds have started out very strong guaranteeing the qualifiers will come from this batch of four. At the moment top seed Sarzonia holds a two point lead over third seed Turori and second seed Kaze Progressa. Lingering only a point behind those two comes Northern Caesarea who could quite easily leapfrog into a qualifying spot by the end of the second half.”

“OK Dana, that was a ton of teams to get out there in all these other groups. Hopefully we did a better job pronouncing them all than Sal and Anna did. Just kidding you two. Anyway, TSW will return to actual soccer coverage as Nikea comes to Tynelia looking to avenge their first round loss on our home field. Dana and I will be here after for the Tynelian Soccer Weekly post game show as always as we hope to report on another Tynelian win. But we’ll all find out soon enough. This is Mike McPhee for Dana Lee, have a good night everyone.”

Cuation Grade: 10/21

Yes, it is the half way stage of the World Cup qualifiers and we will have a look at how the team have done. At this point, we where expecting to be pushing for second place but sit in fourth, eight points behind Oliverry and behind the Lisburn Mateys on goal difference.

With only eight goals conceded, five of them by Oliverry, the second best defence in the group, the manager has greatly improved the defending of the team, keeping three clean sheets and only once conceding more then one in a game.

Going forward, Cuation have not clicked with a mere ten goals, failing to score in three games, a 0-0 draw and two one goal defeats, if Cuation had just scored one goal in at least two of those games, they would be a lot closer to second place.

Three wins against mediocre teams, one draw in a game we needed to win, three losses, two against better teams and one we should have won on paper, all the losses in a row.

Positives: Strong defence gives a solid platform for the team to build upon, got two big scoring wins, our attack can only improve given the talent in it, we have gotten our traditional poor run of form out of the way whereas Oliverry and Milchama both are due a loss in form.

Pessimism: Our attack might not improve, the defence could prove to be a false dawn, we still struggle against little teams and failed to get even a point against the big two. We are too far behind to catch up from any slip if form of our rivals.

Keepers

Gary Jens was exposed in his decline and shaky confidence in the 5-2 defeat but Jude Tanner has only conceded three in six, even saving a penalty in the opening game, he looks set to be a mainstay of the team.

Defenders

Mostly been sound and rapidly improving, errors slowing being eradicated from the play, Butcher, G.Neville and Cheese still have years ahead of them but Yan has marshalled the defence superbly. Perhaps given too much work to do and may wish to be more careful to the risk of counter attacks.

Midfielders

Samba and Hargreves have been fine holding players and often we have dominated possession but we are clearly lack a cutting edge, Giovanni and Fallen have both shown glimpses of form but not often enough. Milnar for the most part has been poor but most of the players will not be here next World Cup.

Strikers

Ten goals says it all, all of our forwards seem to be in a scoring drought, even the hotshot Rual Mendiz has struggled, one four goal game aside. Lu Fei has performed admirably for the most part but he isn't going to get goals, with Rual and Keane misfiring and the midfielders not weighing in, it is a real concern.

Manager

Toughened up the team and quickly learning English, he will be frustrated to see the attack he had so admired fail to do the job. Willing to make changes and made his point when he dropped four players for making a mess against Toopoxia.

Scorers

Rual: 5
Anderton: 1
Giovanni: 1
Butcher: 1
Yan: 1
Cheese: 1

Group View

Milchama

Top of the table, unbeaten with only five conceded but while sixteen seems paltry, it is the second highest in the group. Nobody has been able to exploit the wingers with the four man strike force to good for everybody so far but can they keep this form up? Maybe not but will finish first

Oliverry

Same formation as the group leaders, a narrow 4-3 defeat, the only game they have not won, sees this team only second but they are a free scoring side, a massive 34 goals scored so far, just under five a game and the group third best defence conceding just ten. It has been shown that they can be beaten but should still hang onto second place with an eight point gap on us.

Lisburn Mateys

A tricky side that is just ahead of us by goal diffirence, thier defence isn't too strong, conceding eleven goals so far but there attack has a good fourteen goals so far. We face them next and the winner must be seen as the team getting third place.

Cuation

Must do better!

Sliponia

The former giants have a better scoring record then us which should shame our players, twelve goals scored but they have conceded thirteen. Behind us on mere goal difference, I think the next seven games will see them fall away from Cuation and Lisburn.

Alif Laam Miim

Only two wins, once of which was against us, a mere six goals and fifteen goals conceded see them with only seven points, they should avoid falling into the bottom two, could spring a few more surprises yet with their playmaker Al Mansur a man to watch.

Toopoxia

Six goals like Alif Laam Miim, both teams having scored against us but have a defence as bad as the whipping boys of the group, lost 4-1 to us. Four points, they should avoid finishing bottom but can't see them gaining ground on the team above them.

BENKONATE

One point, two goals scored, nineteen goals conceded, no hope whatsoever for this team.

MC: Congratulations to the team on a fine win today, and congratulations to today's Man of the Match, J-Nash on setting an Az-cz record for goals in a game. With him today are coach Levesque and today's captain, Smr-Nov.

Levesque: Well I'm proud of these guys today. They played well and beat a good opponent. Some of these guys will probably get called up to the first team after I'm gone. We'll see. I hope the first team enjoyed the game and benefited from the day off.

Az-cz reporter 1: Smr-Nov how did it feel to be captain in your first Az-cz cap?

Smr-Nov: Great. I was honored coach Levesque gave me the armband, and glad that J-Nash and Levesque were so potent today to get me that win.

Az-cz reporter 2: J-Nash when did a hat trick or four goals cross your mind?

J-Nash: When I put the second one in early I started to think about it. But it wasn't really what I was trying to do. Just help the team. But I was set up with great chances and took advantage.

Az-cz reporter 3: Are you disappointed that you didn't get capped in any of the actual qualifiers?

J-Nash: Yes. I would've liked to have played. I believe I can help. But I also know that the strikers ahead of me deserve to be there and that I have to accept my role.

Az-cz reporter 4: Does J-Nash's performance today effect his standing as far as the team goes?

Levesque: You know, it doesn't really. I knew he's a talented performer. He's been showing his talent in -League for years now. So I know what he can do. But I've got my first choice strikers and he isn't among them. He's #6. There might be a place for him later on, but for now I'm gonna stick with my guns.

Az-cz reporter 5: How does this lead into the second half of qualifying?

Levesque: Well hopefully the players are refreshed. We've got a better idea of what we need to do know. We're 7 points behind third place, so really it's fourth place that's up for grabs. We need to find a way to get past Nebuleux. That's the key.

Az-cz reporter 6: Who do you think is going to advance from the group?

Smr-Nov: Bedistan and Nedalia. Atlantian Oceania power all the way. Anathematics is behind now and is more likely to give up points.

Az-cz reporter 7: What do you think is necessary to get into the Cup of Harmony?

Levesque: It's hard to say really. There are a lot of deserving teams out there. We need to keep playing hard and win some matches against teams above us to prove our worth. I've got faith in my players. We can do some damage to the teams above us.

Az-cz reporter 8: Do you think it's necessary to finish in fourth to get into the Cup of Harmony?

Levesque: I don't think it's necessary per se, but I think it would be a big boost. We've got our worked cut out for ourselves. We just didn't get it done the first half.

MC: Alright, last question.

Az-cz reporter 9: What was your impression on your visit to miceland?

Levesque: Being debigulated was an interesting experience. I really enjoyed it and found it somewhat orgasmic, believe it or not. And the culture of the mice is a beautiful one. Considering the distance between the two nations, assuming Miceland is open to visitors I will definitely be vacationing there again in the future.

MC: Well, there you go. Thanks for talking to us and good luck in the second half.

RP Cutoff for Matchday 8!

Scores for the day can be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11604920&postcount=10)

Casari defeats Sel Appa Again

Casari managed to defeat Sel Appa yet again, this time on their own soil. However, they only managed to score two goals this time instead of one. The first half of the match saw a strong Casari attack that resulted in their only two goals, scored by DARCOSI Mina and ALLS Cari at the 23rd and 38th minutes respectively. Sel Appa managed to hold their defense up for the rest of the half.

In the second half, Sel Appa's NART Alexander sent a wide shot past the Casari keeper and into the net in the 52nd minute. Sel Appa was not able to break the Casari defense again for an equalizer. An offisde was dealt to Casari's SAMSON Will and a yellow card was given to CHANG Fo of Sel Appa for a handling.

The Turtles play home at Grand Archduke Kirby I Stadium in Anila City against Czariums. An easy win is expected. Estevez has reported that his ankle may be sprained and might sit out the next match.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

The streak continues

Can any of you guess the 4 teams with unblemished records after 8 games in World Cup qualifying? Who are the likely suspects? Well we got Casari, Bedistan, Starblaydia, TnUI, maybe Squornshelous or Tadjikistan. Well let us check the undeafeated, we got Starblaydia, Squornshelous, TnUI and Casari? nope. Bedistan? nope. Milchama! That's right we are 8-0-0 after a 4-1 smashing of Toopoxia to start the second half of qualifying. Coach Jamie Smith said,"Nobody expected us to be in this position but us and you know what we're not stopping now. We are going undeafeated through qualifying. That is right, we are going to go undeafeated through all of qualifying." Well with that crazy challenge let us see how they scored:

14th minute: The Warriors are looking menacing in the midfield now. Clufor out to, no wait intercepted by T passes over to P. Oh dear Mergle is beaten and its not looking good. P past Stockholm takes a shot AND ITS IN! 1-0 Toopoxia after a turnover and some nice work by the strikers. Milchama now down for the first time in qualification. Let's see how they respond.

16th minute: Marin Keffer on the ball. Past one defender and then crosses field over to Aaron Kary. Kary now looking, takes an inside step and passes to a running Barrett M. Lonnen. Lonnen lines up and FIRES! 1-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! That's how Milchama responds only 90 seconds after the goal and we are tied at one. That was pure dominance by the Warriors who look supremely confident and why not? They are playing in the streak of their lives. What a nice job of passing there to open up Lonnen. That is good football.

40th minute: Lonnen now with the ball. Not really known for his dribbling ability but he just schooled one man and now passes to Keffer who is definitely kno- WOW! Keffer just did a rainbow over to men's heads picked the ball up and is now past the last defender 2-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Marin Keffer showing yet again why he is a semi godmod and why he is just so good. That play was absolutely brilliant, just amazing I don't believe it.

45th minute: Halftime. It looks like Kelvin Joseph is coming in.

48th minute: Kilinin on the ball now. Over to Aaron Kary as he decides to cross. The cross is good but its over the head of Albentine BUT THERE IS KELVIN JOSEPH! 3-1! GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! Kelvin Joseph seeing the ball over Albentine and being a really good striker and scoring that goal. It is getting tougher and tougher for Smith to keep him on the bench. By the end of the qualification, I bet you he is in the starting lineup. His play is getting better and better while Neilson's has not and Neilson is also getting old. This could very well be his last World Cup.

76th minute: Keffer forward. Passes to Del Clufor. Now Clufor continues forward as he waits to be challenged. There it is as he passes over to Keffer. Marin Keffer is now looking forward and passes to a running Floren Albentine. Is Albentine onside? YES! he is and its him vs. the Keeper 4-1! GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!! Floren Albentine getting past the offside trap and scoring. That was just brilliant play from him there. Good job all around.

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Lonnen 16, Keffer 40, Joseph 48, Albentine 76)
Toopoxia 1 (P 14)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Penguins could not beat the Tadjik menace. As they lost 2-0. This also means that the Tadjiks were unsuccesful in their attempts to kick The Team out of the The Cup.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Marin Keffer's brilliant goal capped another wonderful performance. He has brought his play up to another level this cup and he and Clufor are a big reason why the Warriors are undeafeated. They are just playingg incredible football right now. Keffer has really shown Copperlee's weaknesses and has improved upon them immensely.

"Wait, wait. Explain this to me again." Hill said. "Why the hell were you two even up front?"

"Well... the ball was all the way down on the other side of the field. So... we didn't really need someone in goal." Mina Darcosi said, still dressed in the Goalkeeper's Tiger Kit.

"And?"

"Well, Kyle was doing a hell of a job trying to sell that knee, so we were short a person on the attack."

"You ran ninety yards out of the goal. Ninety."

"Well, it made for kickass highlight footage."

"That is nothing even approching the point."

"You know it is."

"Alright, it is. And it was cool. But what if they had cleared it and had gotten someone back?"

"You actually honestly expected them to clear the ball?" Darcosi said, crossing her arms.

"... I hate you."

"We won. MY goal was the winning goal, in fact. It's a shame I'm such a damn good goalie, or else you'd have to cut one of those stiffs up front to keep me on the team."

"Damn, you have a big ego."

"It helps me cover the net. Anything else?"

"Yup. Kyle's ankle is actually tweaked, that wasn't a sell. We'll get you a normal kit for the match. We're sending you to the front and giving Yons a spot in front of the net. Congrats, you're a part-time Right Winger."

"About time. No glory hiding in the back all the time."

"Really?" Hill said, streching.

"Well, not enough, anyway." Darcosi said, walking out of the office.

---

OOC: Mina Darcosi, typically the keeper, will be playing RIGHT FORWARD in place of Kyle Reimar. Richard Yons will be the goalkeeper. Thank you for your support.

Az-cz Scroll
August 28, 2006
Es-Ef
Il-Lur

Gnomes return to scraping by

After a few encouraging performances Az-cz once again just found enough offense to earn the victory, slipping past The Candrian Empire 1-0.
Once again the main culprit in the Pink & Green's inability to score was the forwards. Pizelkaxrovsky, Zax-Im, Kn-Dg and the midfielders did a nice job setting up the attack, but Uz-Gz and Ox-Rx just couldn't finish them off.
In the first half the Az-cz team put up a whopping 19 shots but most of them were easily swallowed up by the Candrian Keeper. A few made him work but for the most part they weren't difficult. Factoring in the number that missed the goal entirely and despite the number of shots the Gnomes didn't particularly look much like scoring.
At Halftime Levesque made a substitution that proved critical, bringing Stanleyinho on for his brother Hubertino. This sub allowed Az-cz to find the only goal that would be scored in the game.
In the 63rd minute Pizelkaxrovsky found Uz-Gz wide open. The defenders were covering Stanleyinho and Ox-Rx tight, but they forgot about Uz-Gz and as such he had the time to line up his shot and drill it in.
Az-cz continued to be the agressor and take more shots, but they couldn't get any more goals. In the 76th minute Levesque made the team more defensive taking out Ox-Rx for At-Zm and Bn-Dg for If-Wt. They were able to finish the game out from there.
Despite picking up three points they remain in fifth place as Nebuleux upset Anathematic Republics. If Az-cz is to remain competitive in the challenge for the top half they are going to have to pick up points their next match against Anathematic Republics.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 1 Candrian Empire 0
Az-cz Scorers 63 Uz-Gz
Possession Az-cz 71% Candrian Empire 29%
Shots Az-cz 30 Candrian Empire 4
Corners Az-cz 2 Candrian Empire 0

MC: Congratulations to the team on another victory. Back up to .500 with the next two games probably deciding if they finish there or not. Joining us today are coach Levesque, Zax-Im, and Man of the Match, Pizelkaxrovsky.

Levesque: Well we got the three points and we were clearly the better team, but our strikers once again struggled to put the ball in the net. Coming up we're facing two teams who just slipped by us last time. If we can find some goals we can come out of there with points.

Az-cz reporter 1: Does today's offense lead to a change of players?

Levesque: It might. It's being considered. We'll see how the players do in training.

Az-cz reporter 2: What did you think of Stanleyinho's performance today?

Levesque: He looked good. It was nice to see him back out on the pitch and his runs forced the defense to watch him, which freed up Uz-Gz. Still when he shot you could see the rust.

Az-cz reporter 3: After the foul extravaganza last time you played Anathematic Republics are you worried about the match at all?

Levesque: Yes. I hope the refs are watching this one closely to make sure that nothing shady is going on.

Az-cz reporter 4: Pizelkaxrovsky, how did it feel today to watch your forwards squander your excellent set ups?

Pizelkaxrovsky: I ain't got nothin' to say to a stupid question like that.

Az-cz reporter 4: Why not?

Pizelkaxrovsky: You're just baiting me, trying to get me to call out my teammates. But I ain't doing it. We're all in this together.

Az-cz reporter 5: Zax-Im what are your thoughts going in to the game against Anathematic Republics?

Zax-Im: The first key is that we can't be afraid. We know they're going to foul us a lot but we can't be deterred. We need points and we've got to fight to the end to get them.

Az-cz reporter 6: As qualification comes to an end do you think we'll see some other players get capped?

Levesque: It depends on our situation. I can't tell you yet. It might happen, but it might not. It really depends.

MC: Alright, last question.

Az-cz reporter 7: With Anathematic Republics loss to Nebuleux, do you think there is a chance you can catch them and move into third?

Levesque: There is, but it's a small one. If we beat them we still need to earn better results the rest of the way with them having an easier schedule and goal differential advantage. And if we don't beat them we can forget about. So it's possible, but unlikely. We just didn't put up the results in the first half that warrant third place.

The Bunker Gazetteer




Another wonderful Loss!

Those Foreigners, the ones we suspect of trying to topple us, trounced The Team in a 2-0 game which was, on The Team's home ground(the same minefield as always), quite brutal. While Rioteers organized in order to bring hot death down upon both teams in the form of Dregrukian napalm, Mrs. Tweezly and Devious Penguin directed the setup of twelve Land-to-air mortars. The Team, unable to bring their tanks onto the pitch after tank-mines blew two of them up well before the match started, resorted to the last weapon any organism can weild: Antique "Tommy" submachine-guns(not carried in instrument cases, much to the spectaters disapointment). The Tadjikistopleosterislandstani's were too busy trying to distract Darling Sweetie, the most unpleasant animal ever to walk the earth, with the exception of the late Irritated Penguin, who is, thankfully, the late Irritated Penguin.

As soon as the match began, Obese Penguin sat upon a mine. He always does. Somehow, even if he's been sitting in that very same spot ever since the crane first lifted him onto the field, the mine waits until the very second the match begins to explode. During a previous game, Devious Penguin outfitted Obese with a hovercraft, so that he wouldn't set anything off. However, as the whistle blew, a rather nasty type of anti-personell mine, known as a "Bouncing Betty", went off up a foot underneath Obese Penguin, and launched the second explosive into his hovercraft. The Team lost that particular game as well.

This time, the mine simply launched Obese into the air(a tremedous feat), and sent him flying onto DMYS, promptly putting both Defenders out of play, and leaving only the monstrous dog in defense. However, Darling Sweetie has never been very concentrated in defence, especially since she's more interested in chasing running legs, which she then bites off. She was even less attemtive after a Foriegner in the stands blew a military-grade, titanium dog whistle, causing the enourmous Bloodhound to dash into the seats, causing everybody in her way to lose their heads, dinners, and common sense(and the other five) they had(all quite literally), mostly by using her teeth. She then located the whistle-blower, and proceeded to bring him back onto the pitch, clenched in her jowels. Referee mananged to extricate the man, by using a tire jack and several metal bars, who was later identified as one Javerijek Desudeveic, listed in an international(Foriegn) Law-enforcement database as the lieutenant of a huge international(Foriegn) criminal organization. We refuse to believe this, as that would imply that The Team had done something 'good' in its career, which has been scientifically proven as impossible and ridiculous.

As the Match continued, the Tadjikiopolusonianforiegnostoponians began to attack, weilding cleavers and bayonets. One of them had a rifle, which shows that our Scientists are correct: 10 out of 11 Foriegners will bring Knives to a Gun fight.

After a brutal, bloody, and chaotic first half, both teams retreated off the pitch to regroup, and decide how to proceed. The Tadjikoplelandianistanis were ahead by two, but it appears that they wanted to cement their victory, either by wiping The Team off the map, or by scoring another goal.

When the Tadjwossnames came out again, they were in military fatigues and carried automatic weapons(all kindly donated to them by The Team's supporters and fans and this one old lady in Bloco'yce City who makes really good cookies and fantastic grenades). They were also holding riotsheilds, which, curiously, bore the lettering JPPF(Justtundra Plains Police Force, which they later claimed they'd been offered before the game began by some men in uniform. The Team, of course, came out equally prepared, although they'd had to buy their weaponry and bullet-proof vests at a local discount store. Devious Penguin also had some sort of mechanical spider thing which followed him, but it got thrown out as a disruptive spectator. Also, it wasn't wearing any clothing, so it was charged with indecent exposure.

After a brief scuffle between the mechanical many-legged thing which Devious Penguin fiercely denied had any connection with him, and the Justtundra Plains Police, the match began again. Amid gunfire, explosions, and Obese Penguin sitting on another landmine, the sound of military-grade choppers was heard, and The Team rushed from the pitch(with the exception of Obese, who was lying in front of the goal, and couldn't move), earning them all Yellow cards, took up their positions at the Anti-aircraft mortars which had been placed their earlier, and began to fire. They were just in time to stop the Rioteer-commandeered helicopters from roasting everybody present with napalm. However, one of the mortar shells misfired, landing just inside The Team's net, incinerating it and rolling Obese into Tadjik Forward Berzarin, who'd taken advantage of the Team-less pitch to move up to score. The forward was taken to a local hospital, but recieved only a few bruised ribs from the immense pressure of The Team's immobile Defender.

Amid the remains of smoldering helicopters which had been shot down, the total abscence of one of the goals, and the moans of surviving Rioteers, The Team took to the pitch again, and attemoted to play again, although they discovered that the ball had been punctured by a helicopter's rotor blade. Despite this, Furious Porridge managed to kick the striken ball at least a foot before the match ended.

We expect someone to complain about The Team's conduct concerning the audience, as well as the way they treated our law enforcement officers after the match. Disgraceful, really. Obese Penguin ought to be at least a little damaged by now. He even has his original legs still attached! It's simply not right. They ought to be thrown out.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Tim Brady: Well the schnide seem over as Qazox went into Miceland and Came away with a huge 1-0 victory, moving them into a 4th place tie with Miceland and Raging Penguins, our next opponent. The Black Oxen still remain 4 points out of a World Cup Berth, but this victory may be just the boost needed to qualify.

Goals: Qazox: Marie Goya 75'

This is a live weather alert, latest report from the Liverpool England Meteorological service. A current land-based system over Geisenfried currently only measuring a wind speed of 25 knots has been forcasted to head South-west and towards Fauxhan, the home of the TeleBaz Stadium. It is not expected to start affecting the stadium until matchday number ten. By the time it has reached Fauxhan it is expected to be classed as a Category 1 Hurricane.

As a pre-caution the game scheduled between Bazalonia and Rejistania at TeleBaz Stadium is to be moved to SeaBazalope Arena in the port city of Cantinople, well out of the way from the expected movements of the weather system. It is yet to be named but the Bazalonian goverment's Meterological department is determining a name for the system.

We will keep you updated on the progress of this system we now return you to our regular programming.

And welcome back, once again the Bazalopes faced the second of the Commerce Heights Football Association, abbreviated to JSY. The match was quite unremarkable as a lacklustre performance against the team still resulted in a win but a relatively narrow win in over the team. We had an interview with the Bazalopes leading goal Scorer, Peter Hobble. Let's go to that now.

Interviewer: "So, Peter are you happy with your performance today?"

Peter Hobble: "No, Not really. I think the team was slightly distracted today. I'm not sure why but they just where not on their game. and as a result a team that we should have easily won we won in a 2-1 result. Our defense let a goal in that it shouldn't have and yeah. We should have just performed better. That wasn't a match of a 40th ranked team."

That is all of the interview that we have time for and so for now I say Good night.

Polamoa Press
“We like alliteration in our headlines”

Rowdy Raptors get in rumble, earn equalizer with Iansisle Ians

ROCK RIDGE – Another game, another fight, another draw. Team Aurendia’s second 2-2 scoreline in as many days actually counted, with the Raptors gaining a point against Iansisle to stay in fourth place in Group 3.

Iansisle started off quickly, scoring in the 10th minute. Alfred Spenste avoided the card while tackling Randy Floyd, gaining possession in the process. Spenste made the pass to Bruce Hopston for the opening score. Iansisle’s attack slacked off noticeably with the early lead, but the Raptors’ offense wasn’t able to do anything either, and the first half ended with the score still 1-0.

Halftime saw the return of Aurendia’s streakers, as nearly a hundred swamped the pitch to fire up the supporters. This energy fired up the team as well, with a quick equalizer coming in the 53rd, as Cassandra Campbell was able to beat Iansisle’s defense after receiving the feed from younger sister Ashley. Following the goal, Iansisle’s Roger Blake and Ashley Campbell exchanged words, setting the stage for later events.

Just seven minutes later, Peter Queensborough launched a long clearing pass that found Timothy Cooper, making the score 2-1 Iansisle. Immediately after, Blake and Campbell had another exchange, and within moments they were both throwing punches. The fight escalated, and when the refs managed to break it up, Blake, Ashley Campbell, and Regina Dunlop had earned red cards, with yellows going to Iansisle’s Bruce Hopston, Alfred Spenste, and Spencer Madigan as well as Liza Kohl, Randy Floyd, Bart Sheriff, and Cassandra Campbell.

Despite being one player down, Team Aurendia speed allowed them to keep up the pressure on Ians’ keeper Sherman Cumberland. The equalizer came in the 85th minute, with Tara Pellegri scoring off the cross from Jessica Colenti. A final Iansisle push came during stoppage time, but Kohl made three saves to preserve the draw.

With this draw and wins by Casari and McPsychoville, the top four teams in Group 3 retain their positions in the standings. Next game for Team Aurendia will be at Haraki, who drew with the Raptors 3-3 on Matchday Two.

Scoring:
1. I (B. Hopston) 10th (Assist: A. Spenste)
2. A (C. Campbell 2) 53rd (Assist: A. Campbell)
3. I (T. Cooper) 60th (Assist: P. Queensborough)
4. A (T. Pellegri 2) 85th (Assist: J. Colenti)

SATIVAVILLE STONER
Oh where oh where have my doritos gone? oh where oh where can they be?

By Monty Python

Sativaville starts it 2nd hald with a win on the road against Sashonska 1-0, remaining in third place in Group 4. Although 6 points behind Be.....whatever for 2nd, a few losses by that team and a few more wins, and the Stoners could be going to the World Cup. the Goal was scored by Emil Timmermann in the 49th minute.

GREEN WOMABT HERALD WORLD
(Help us find a permanent name go to www.G.W.news.com now and vote! (ooc: WARNING: the above link is real please do not click on above link)

Green Wombat after a surprising 5-1-1 start to qualifing lost earlier today to Lexington SC to drop into 2nd place, one point ahead of NMS for the last qualifing spot. GW's only goal was scored by Airman 1st Class Scooby Doo
in the 76th minute to tie the match but two late goals by LSC sent the Zombie Womabts to defeat. Still to have such a good record after 8 games bodes well for the future of GW football as they are still riding high after thier 1st ever win against those heathen Oxen.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSFemalesMedia.jpg

Unicorns Blown Out On The Road
Religious Revalations Brought to Light

Queen Sonya sat quietly on the airplane heading away from TnUI and back to the Sylvanaes Kingdom where the Mystical Unicorns would face first Socialist Romanistan and then Fmjphoenix. And it was very good to be heading home after such a horrid result. 1-4 was beyond the acceptable.

In fact it had been pretty horrible to watch. TnUI had completely controlled the match from start to finish and only a surprise goal from Avril Auerswald in the 60th minute had even been good enough to remark about at all.

And any chance at qualification was now almost certainly gone as well. 9 points behind the Vikings and 12 behind TnUI seemed to be just a bit out of reach at this point. It seemed the best hope for now was to hold off The Colony of Delaware’s surprising luck and the run that One Red Dot was sure to make for the third spot. Already another CoH appearance seems like a reality.

Elsewhere in Group 11
Fmjphoenix outlasted Khenas 3-2
The Colony of Delaware drew with KCToker 1-1
One Red Dot drew 1-1 with Socialist Romanistan

And the Queen was more than a bit baffled. The Unicorns had finally gotten the respectful placement as a third seed, but when you looked at the groups the Unicorns must contend with it all seems pointless. Sarzonia and Rejistania in WC29 and now TnUI and Fmjphoenix. What would WC31 give the Unicorns? Starblaydia and Jeruselem. Or perhaps Bedistan and Liverpool England. It was very frustrating at times.

Archregimancy Watch
The Monks downed the Mighty Hockey Canada 2-1. There is a God that watches football!

And if that was not enough, the Queen now had religious issues to deal with from The Archregimancy and now apparently from Elven radicals at home. It was going to be a long, long month or two.

And to justify the former thought to herself, Queen Sonya began to read again the letter that had been sent to the Archregimancy by some of those radicals.


To: To Fr John The Golden-Throated of the Archregimancy
From: Tarí Carnesîr, Lossëhelin of the Sylvanaes Church of Elven Truth

It is with great thanks that I am currently writing to you. For as long as my Elven brethren can remember it has been forced upon us that our history and religion are tied to that of the Human population of the Sylvanaes Kingdom. For too long have we been brainwashed and oppressed, our history buried and this false new existence built upon. For too long we have been devoid of the truth of our heritage.

But now, thanks to the diligence of your monks, we have found insight into our history and the true religion of the Elves. I would now like to express my personal gratitude, and that of all the Elves of the Sylvanaes Kingdom, to the monks of The Archregimancy for procuring and returning to us by courier the Holy Scripture found in the Tome of the Silmarillion. It is with great thanks that we honor the ones who, by a twist of fate, returned the words we have waited too long to read. And while we do understand that your monks were simply attempting to validate the history contained in the Silmarillion which were compiled by the Prophet J.R.R. Tolkein in all his glorious wisdom, we were unaware of the existence of such a compilation until your couriers turned up with it.

It is because of the monks of The Archregimancy that Elves all across the Sylvanaes and even to the ends of the earth can now read the Scripture and History of our people. That is a gift that we can not begin to repay. Again we thank you for restoring what had been lost to us for so long.


The Queen sat quiet for a few moments. This could be the beginning of a big problem. The Elves would now be “rediscovering” this false history and the Monks would no doubt be appalled that they had fueled the fires of such things. It would be a very long day once this got out.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a318/stormgiantxxxl/newnewslogo.jpg

Sea Dragons Drop Horgate 3-0

This is Kellan Kildan of the FNN reporting live from Staddi Se Draggonnii Arcea where the Sea Dragons avenged an opening day draw on the road to the unranked upstarts.

The match was heavily anticipated by the veteran members of the Sea Dragons who felt embarrassed after the first meeting. And what sweet redemption it would be as ASMV cruised to an easy 3-0 victory over the visitors from Horgate.

Micah Swift and Evan Evans set the tone early with their physical style of play while the finesse of Genesis Galluccio and Khyber Allosindir proved to smooth for Horgate to handle. Goals from Leena Draghi (41), Porche Alexander(55), and Ali Devencenti(58) would be enough to drop Horgate as keeper Shaun Conarky was brilliant in his efforts to record yet another clean sheet for one of the most feared defenses in football.

The win moves ASMV three ponits clear and in sole possession of the top spot for Group 12. That is due to a number of surprising results in the group. Green Wombat’s surprisingly good play ended in a 1-3 loss to Lexington SC. Magnus Velarius continued to falter in a 3-3 draw with Carvalo. And the struggling paladins of NMS could only manage a 2-2 draw with Harlesburg.

But this thing is far from over and three points can disappear in a hurry. The next match will see ASMV travel to Green Wombat who will be looking to avenge an MD2 loss to the Sea Dragons. This one could move ASMV more into the clear or bring the group right back into a jumbled mess.

Friends Watch
Cuation managed a 1-1 draw with Lisburn Mateys
Milchama crushed Toopoxia 4-1
Tadjikistan stopped Raging Penguins 2-0
Ariddia demolished Rordia 4-0
D&S got hammered 4-1 by TnUI

OOC: If you can't tell by the first 2 words that are not in this OOC comment, this RP is a Miceland RP

Stuart Littlemouse was in his bed sleeping, though he was not sleeping well. He was having another one of those dreams again and had woken up in the middle of the night. He got up and had a drink of water and went back to sleep. "Stupid Dreams" he said before finding a book to read before going back to bed.

Stuart Littlemouse, was a special mouse, even for a miceland mouse. The dream, well, let's just let the dream tell you.. Ah here we are now, okay, let's play the dream... okay stop. First thing we notice is that in the dream, Stuart is not a mouse. Stuart is infact dreaming that he is a human female, named Ila. He knows this because that's what he is told early on in the dream. By a man that calls himself Viaj. Who is obviously in love with the woman that Stuart is in his dream. Of course this is disconcerting and so far Stuart has yet to go past this point in his dream, but it is obvious that there is more to the dream for stuart to see, not only for him to see but something that is meant for him to see.

But now is just not the time, things will reveal over time and we'll keep you updated. As Stuart dreams it, you'll see it.

...................

Qazox 1, Miceland 0

The Qazoxian Oxen travelled to Miceland today to compete in Miceland National Stadium. Qazox, ranked 44 against the mice ranked 135, over a rank difference of 90, no one had expected the Mice to win. However, the Miceland defense did put up a valiant effort, in contrast to Matchday one which was a scoring extravaganza. A total of 8 goals between the two nations. This was the exact opposite, only a single goal by the Qaxoxian team in the 75th minute by Marie Goya.

A number of other attempts managed to get through the defense but failed to get past Pinky WinslowMouse, the mice goalkeeper. Fievel ChurchMouse and Charity FieldMouse both had chances to convert but the Qazoxian defense just came in and quickly shut down the opportunities before they managed to convert the chances into any real shot at goal. 1-0 loss, despite it being a loss it is a great result for the team and they look forward to the next match against Tonarat, in Tonorat. Last result was a 6-1 win by the mice and another win is expected at Toranat.

Elven Times
Flickers of Hope?

Despite the rather inconvienece of having a qualifier in Monaven, the great stadium beside the waterfall was filled to capicity. If the 37,000 weren't there for the game, then they were there to see these odd creatures that they had heard were participating as their oppisition from Turori. These strange animals, clothed in uniforms, indeed were a spectacle to see, as many elves shook as they watched the match, or perhaps the ajouning waterfall in Orange Gate Falls was the cause of the shaking. Whatever it was, all eyes were fixated on the match before them.

And what a match it was. Back and forth it went, with neither side able to get a real grip on the match and dominate it for any sustained amount of time. But just a moment of chaos is what the Devil's kiss needed in the 37th minute when Stone collided with #4, and the ball skidded free. Night picked up the loose ball and dashed past the charging #2. With the keep to beat, she faked a shot, and dribbled to the left, and fired the shot. The thing got confused off the faked shot, and was unable to recover in time to stop Night's attempt, and squaked as it retrieved the ball from the netting as Night and Tatum drove the crowd to cheers with a dance routine in front of the Turori bench.

The scorline for the first half wasn't over however, for just as the ref was signaling that there was to only be a minute of injury time before the half, Cuellar had stolen the ball off of #6, and was all alone with the keeper. This time though, the keeper rushed out to meet the charging elf, and used his body to his advantage and poked the ball away from Cuellar, but there was Tatum who had followed up the play to take the ball in stride and walk it over the line moments before the whistle ended the half.

The second half was a combination of sloppy midfield play, and dominating defences. It looked for most of the stadium as if the team was simply going to lock up shop, and take an nice two nil victory over their guests, but they had other ideas. In the 79th minute, a string of sharp passes had the opposing side deep inside the Marauders' end, and in a favorable scoring position. Another slick pass from #28 to #11, freed it, and allowed it an a small moment to get a shot off, which it took excelently, and roofed the ball just above St. Louis outstreched hand. With the score, many fans started to worry that this would be another one of those horrible second half let downs, and that they would not have the victory they so desired, and they would of been right if not for the safe hands of St. Louis who stop 3 shots in injury time, and the steady legs of Titenburg, who put on a defensive clinic for the majority of the last 10 minutes of regulation.

This win brews confidence in the club, as they have now back to back wins, the first of this tournament. Though it doesn't move them anywhere in the standings, apart from furthering themselves away from the shelf of the table, it does move them within a striking distance of the top half of the group. With six games to play, the team will need to compete flawlessly to advance, but if they continue the play they have been building over the last two games, and the friendly, we still yet may have a chance.

Scorers
Kyla Night - 5
Zacharius - 3
Rick Cuellar - 3
Samuel Tatum - 1
Liliam Kries - 1

Friends Watch
Cuation did well to earn a draw of 1-1 away in Lisburn Mateys
Haraki was unable to find its' offence as they fell 2-0 to McPsychoville
Becquerelia secured a good result away from home with a 2-0 win over Kericia

Article by Ron Santapa

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"Fr. John, before we deal with the other pressing matters before us, I believe a Prayer of Thanksgiving is in order."

"A prayer of thanksgiving after deliverance from trouble, perhaps, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Absolutely, Fr. John.....

<together>
"Almighty and merciful God, we most humbly and heartily thank thy divine Majesty for thy loving kindness and tender mercies, that thou hast heard our humble prayer, and graciously vouchsafed to deliver our football squad from trouble and misery by permitting them to beat Hockey Canada 2-1. Grant them, we beseech thee, thy helping grace, that they may obediently walk in thy holy commandments, and lead a sober, righteous and godly life, ever remembering thy mercies, and the blessings thou hast undeservedly bestowed upon them, that they may continually offer to thee the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, O Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Amen."

"Fantastic match, by the way, Fr. John."

"Scintellating stuff, Fr. Nicholas. Though the militant atheist communist opposition will no doubt be fuming after conceding two penalties after taking a 15th minute lead."

"There's no possibility of bias, though, Fr. John... the referee was from Commerce Heights - and they always put the worship of Mammon before God. But leaving aside football, any news over this Dorian and Sonya fuss?"

"Things have become most curious on that front, Fr. Nicholas. If you've been paying attention - which I'm sure you have - first of all I received a letter from Queen Sonya of the Sylvanaes kingdom, in which she quoted John 10:16 at me"

"I remember.... 'And I have other sheep, which are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they shall hear My voice; and they shall become one flock with one shepherd.'"

"That's the one, Fr. Nicholas - though Her Majesty rather neglected to include the last section of the quote which one might take to imply the one flock with one shepherd is the Orthodox Church."

"But it's a start, Fr. John.... these 'Elves' are at least quoting the Bible."

"Ah. That's where things start to get strange. First of all, it would seem that Her Majesty is human."

"Then she's obviously about to convert to Orthodoxy. God be praised!"

"I have no opinion on that matter, Fr. Nicholas. Not as yet. But the really strange thing is that these 'Elves' are a recognised minority in Dorian and Sonya, along with what we take to be other ethnic groups called 'Dwarves' and 'Halflings'. But I have since received a letter from one 'Tari Carnesir' claiming to speak for all Elves, and claiming that this Ainulindalë we were speaking of recently is a 'lost scripture' by the 'prophet J.R.R. Tolkein'. Where things get rather unfortunate is that he's thanking us for restoring their so-called religion to them."

"What's this 'we'? You mean that you've pushed them further from Orthodoxy, Fr. John. That's what you're trying to say, isn't it?"

"Ah, but I've fired off a couple of answers via our colleague Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian


Your Majesty,

Thank you for your recent letter, which I am answering on behalf of Fr. John. Since you claim to be a God-fearing people who are familiar with scripture, might I ask where you stand on the following matters before we continue this fascinating discussion?

- Where do you stand on the double procession of the Holy Spirit?
- How many Ecumenical Councils do you recognise?
- Is the Pope of Rome the Head of the Church or a heretical schismatic in league with Freemasons?
- How do you feel about monophysitism?
- Do you consider us to bear the guilt of Original Sin, or merely the consequence?

We look forward to receiving your answer, which will allow us to decide the nature of your here..... I mean whether or not you are in fact heretical.

Thank you
Fr. Seraphim


Dear Brother in Christ Tari Carnesir,

Here in the Archregimancy we rejoice that you have discovered the Christian allegory titled Ainulindalë and the other works contained in the compilation The Silmarillion. While it is somewhat unfortunate that the man you refer to as the 'prophet' Tolkein was a heretical schismatic Catholic, better that find the path to the One True Church via Catholics than fundamentalist Protestants, what with their insistence on a literal interpretation of every word in the Bible. And disapproval of alcohol. Not a fun bunch, let me tell you. Anyway, assuming you Elves appreciate beauty in all things, may I recommend that you investigate Orthodoxy forthwith as if there's one thing we appreciate more than those schismatics - even the Catholic ones - it's putting on a show. A tasteful one, I might add. We would be happy to assist you further on your now-inevitable journey to Orthodoxy, and please feel free to contact us accordingly.

Thank you,

Fr. Seraphim

* Funky theme music *

Dazza: I'm Dazza Dallas
Rachel: I'm Rachel Kool
BOTH: And this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE

Dazza: And our special guest is Jeruselem reserve keeper Finn Fumbles
Finn: Err, hi everyone

Dazza: It's Match day eight at triple XXX world Cup
Rachel: And Group 8 is a tight as our dresses, isn't that right Finn?
Finn: Err, yes it is.

Dazza: 4 teams who can qualify and 4 teams who might as well book tickets home
Rachel: And some teams living upto their name

Dazza: Cutting to the chase, the team called The Greatest Crap lost again. NO POINTs for them so far although losing to Jeruselem 0-1 is not bad for one game
Rachel: Group leader Cataduanes beat them TWO NIL this time and well, was kinda expected really.
Dazza: The Greatest Crap play like their team name indeed. They are 7 wins behind 1st place.

Rachel: Well, the Frenchies once again fell to Jeruselem. The French Crusaders beat up their wimpy French counterparts
Dazza: THREE NIL and we still stay 2nd. Marceau State are falling behind, 3 wins behind now.
Rachel: That's a big deficit with 6 game left to play
Dazza: And the top 4 aren't exactly dropping games for fun either

Rachel: You're not French are you Dazza?
Dazza: Russian-German immigrant actually.
Finn: And I'm just a local village idiot
Dazza: Finn's just a nervous wreck on TV with girls like us around

Rachel: Delesa fell to the united folks
Dazza: Or the Islanders. The Islanders won ONE NIL, to keep in the hunt. They are still 4th on same points as Wentland and one point behind us
Rachel: Yes, they are giving this World cup a shake or two

Dazza: Wentland! Our favourite people
Rachel: The only team who's beaten us so far
Dazza: Marion Oaks 2 proved tricky after we whacked them FOUR NIL last game. Wentland beat them ONE NIL to grab the three points
Rachel: Yes, Wentland hold into 3rd. Six wins and two losses like the Islanders. Same goal difference too!
Dazza: Jeruselem and Cataduanes have the better goal difference
Rachel: Which will matter later

Dazza: Oi Finn, do some talking. Don't be a mouse
Finn: I'm not used to being on TV like this. Might say something stupid
Dazza: We do that all the time!
Finn: You get away with it, I don't seem to

Rachel: Them Lions boys
Dazza: Fantastic Lions they are - they beat Anathematic Republics FOUR TWO
Rachel: Yes, another great win. They look so good this World Cup!
Dazza: So do some of team members!
Rachel: Dirty mind, Dazza.
Dazza: I'm sure some girls out there have the same opinion
Finn: I think the Lions might do good this time

Dazza: Hockey Canada fell the Monks, losing
Rachel: The Monks prevailed TWO ONE, a big result.
Dazza: Canadian's fall back to 3rd and need to regroup!
Rachel: Quakmybush are 2nd and the Monks lead the way in Group 10

Dazza: Last and but not least, Yafor 2.
Rachel: Well, they had a narrow win over Virginia Nova. ONE NIL. 2nd in their group at the moment at looking good to qualify.
Dazza: Lisa's team look the goods so far. Arridia lead the way but they are great team too
Rachel: I don't think Yafor 2 will win this cup but I think they might even make the 2nd round with a favourable group draw

Dazza: Let's talk about our special guest. Well Finn, got a other half yet?
Finn: Not yet
Dazza: If you did, who would it be? Doesn't have to be anyone your age.
Finn: Your sister

Dazza: Good choice, but she's got kids and a hubbie now. Debbie is favourite with lots of young men like you. OK, you tell the folks out there who you're gonna date
Finn: Do I have to?
Dazza: Just do it, let the people know!
Finn: It's embarassing ...

Dazza: I'll do it. It's me ... Finn asked me out. Well, I had to force the issue but the village idiot did ask
Finn: (goes all red)
Rachel: He's not Keanu but I'll make him into one
Finn: I'm no Keanu but I did ask, kinda

Rachel: Group 8 in summary. No change - all the best teams won their games. Cataduanes head the group with Jeruselem watching the pair of Wentland and United Island Empires. It's tight and getting really dangerous for anyone who slips up.
Dazza: Me an Finn, and the rest of team will be out to secure that spot but it's hard work all the way.
Rachel: Some big games coming up, so don't miss a second on JGN. Me and Finn have some business to settle, right?
Finn: Err, yes.

<Stuff appears on screen>


Group 8

Delesa 0 - 1 United Island Empires
The Greatest Crap 0 - 2 Cataduanes
Marion Oaks 2 0 - 1 Wentland
Marceau State 0 - 3 Jeruselem


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Cataduanes 8 7 0 1 21 9 12 21
Jeruselem 8 6 1 1 20 5 15 19
Wentland 8 6 0 2 18 10 8 18
United Island Empires 8 6 0 2 13 5 8 18
Marceau State 8 3 0 5 10 16 -6 9
Delesa 8 2 1 5 9 9 0 7
Marion Oaks 2 8 1 0 7 7 24 -17 3
The Greatest Crap 8 0 0 8 2 22 -20 0


Group 9
Yafor 2 1 - 0 Virginia Nova

Group 10
The Archregimancy 2 - 1 Hockey Canada

Group 13
Nedalia 4 - 2 Anathematic Republics

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

PORN STAR FLOGS BEDISTAN?
Opposite Result in Football Match

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent


Rumours were surrounding the Bedistan-Holy Empire match last night after Francesca 'Hot' Totty was seen leaving the Bedistan locker room after the match wearing the dominatrix gear and wielding the whips last seen in her classic film "Hot Totty Takes Control".

The Imperial forward refused to comment, though sources close to the player said that she had found the visit "cathartic" following the squad's 5-0 thrashing at the hands of the group's top seed.

Team captain Thor the Mighty Hammer God was said to be particularly disappointed at picking up a 15th minute red card, and is said to feel responsible for the one-sided final score.

Demot Daily ~ In the Mix

With six games remaining, our side is remarkably still in contention. Perhaps its' some sort of Divine intervention, but the squad is performing well in its' debut at the grand stage of the WC. They are even doing better than their rivals of the ESF, who were agreed to have an easier draw than our side. But alas, the attacking trio of Black, Ysman, and Frontson have lead the charge for the team as they vie for position in the group. Currently sitting 5th with 11 points, the team is just six points out from second with plenty of games left to earn that last qualify spot, though veteran teams like Hockey Canada, Quackmybush, and Giant Zucchini are clearly favorites to do so. Even so, the team's recent drubbing of Palixia, 4-0, in Skyhaven does give many a fan the hope that they can be this Cup's suprise team.

Speaking of the Palixia game, it was a completely dominating performance from start to finish. Two goals in both the halfs, and the shut out by Whitehurse was bliss for the sell out crowd. Ysman netted two, one in the 8the minute off a steller counter attack, and another in the 39th minute following a foul outside the box. Black scored in the 74th minute after a prolonged attack, as did Frontson ten minutes later in the 84th.

After having a multitude of goalscorers in the BoF, the team has had but just four players finding the back of the net despite having seventeen goals for. Perhaps the oppisition is just finding it hard to defend the attacking four, or perhaps it is the higher attention to guarding their own net, but something is amiss. I have full faith Dogood is already working on solutions for this fortunate problem, but one must wonder if the old coach is losing his grip with this strange statistic.

Scorers
Samantha Black - 6
Sarah Ysman - 5
Justin Frontson - 3
David Masteron - 3

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Taqin is going!

Following Geisenfried's shock 1-0 win over D2R, Gavrj Taqin announced he will be stepping down as Revolutionaries manager after 16 years in charge. In a press conference following the loss, Taqin announced: "Due to the fact that Dance 2 Revolution have failed to qualify for the finals of World Cup 30, I will be stepping down after the final qualifying match against Rejistania." The Progressian-born manager also told the surrounding media, concerning the CoH: "If we [D2R] do happen to qualify for the Cup of Harmony tournament, and the Revolutionary Football Association have yet to appoint a new manager, I will make myself available for managerial duties for the tournament only." Taqin then went on to thank the Revolutionary fans for their support for him, despite not always living up to the expectations.

Fan support for Taqin had been dwindling over recent years, however, after a disappointing World Cup 29 finals performance where D2R were toppled by Kaze Progressa for the first time in their history, which came just after an extremely disappointing showing in the FIFA Cup of Nations. It would appear that the recent loss to Geisenfried, which all but eliminated D2R from a group that was expected to be tightly contested from just 3 teams, D2R, Rejistania and Bazalonia is now being contested by 4, with D2R not one of them, signalled the approaching end of Taqin. This result, coupled with the loss to System Karela and the final-minute routing by Rejistania has isolated D2R 6 points and the GD behing 2nd placed Bazalonia, whom they face next.

Cataduanes, The story so far.

MD 1 saw the Islanders triumph over The Greatest Crap, coming away with a 3-1 home victory.

MD 2 was the Islanders away fixture with Marion Oaks, after a shaky start Cataduanes were victorious 6-2.

MD 3 was a tough match, at home to group favourites Jerusalem. And it was the visitors that were triumphant, showing superior ability in chrushing the Home side 4-1 at the Estadio Nacional.

MD 4 was another away fixture, this time against the United Islands Empire, with Cataduanes still noticebly shell shocked by the defeat to Jerusalem they had to work hard to come away with a 2-1 victory.

MD 5 saw old rivals Wentland playing host to the Islanders in a match that the Cataduanes squad were more motivated, chrushing the opposition 4-1.

MD 6 had Marceau State coming to Cataduanes, whose tough defending failed to stem the tide conceding to two goals to the Islanders whose confidence was growing.

MD 7 was the away victory at Delesa, a tough fixture with the home side conceding only one goal to Cataduanes.

MD 8 saw another away victory, this time at The Greatest Crap, the islanders securing the three points with two goals in the second half, incidently TGC have yet to notch up a draw let alone a win and are provifding easy fodder in group 8.

So far The islanders are topping group 8 with 3 points in hand over Jerusalem and with Marion Oaks visiting in MD 9 Cataduanes must surely be confident of maintaining their postion, with 5 fixtures left the Islanders must keep their minds on the prize, however with the home game against Jerusalem still to come on MD 10 and Wentland sure to be gunning for revenge on MD 12 nothing can be taken for granted.

Feature Interview from the Rodger River Examiner weekend supplement.

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“GODDESS” SHINES ON POTOROOS

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Ubhashinim3.jpg

Local Rodger River hero and vice-captain of the national team, ubhashinim, has been a shining light so far during qualifying for World Cup xXx. After winning the filthyl medal for fairest and best player in the EFA last season, she has taken over the on-field leadership of the Rodgerers with distinction. A hot favourite for the filthyl again, she is also leading the leighm medal, to be awarded to the best player for Errinundera in World Cup matches.

Her team-mates call her “goddess”. I used to wonder why such a trim and compact sportsperson could earn such a nickname. In the flesh it is easy to understand: ubhashinim has grace and presence. There is an intensity in her will that is alarming yet there is a charm and compassion that softens the awe. And she has certainly had her awesome moments during this World Cup. In her first World Cup qualifying match the “goddess” scored a hat trick before half time. Despite showing continued good form the goals dried up until the 8th match where a first half goal against the same team, Benlandngdo, put her back on the scorers sheet.

The RRE caught up with ubhashinim after this latest match.

RRE: How did you get the nickname?

ubhashinim: I used to have a boyfriend who was very shy and tried to please me endlessly. I mentioned to my team-mates that he treated me like a goddess and the name stuck. Later, I hit him with a lightning bolt so he’s gone now. Well… not really a lightning bolt. He thought I was having an affair with rosaniel.

RRE: Your divine football skills have nothing to do with it?

ubhashinim: Perhaps. You can be the judge of that.

RRE: After a sensational start to the international season things dried up. You kicked 4 goals against Eseck and Benlandngdo and then nothing for the next 6 matches.

ubhashinim: Not just me. The entire team failed to score against Liverpool England, Spaamanian Plijous, The Lowland Clans and Chicanada – well, the selected team didn’t actually play Chicanada. Despite all this we have enjoyed our football. It is such an honour to follow in the footsteps of the Errinundrian legends. I hope I can be half as good as longipesp.

RRE: Despite all this your form has been good. In the latest match you scored the first goal in the 2-all draw against Benlandngdo.

ubhashinim: rosaniel has had a good series in attack. Please don’t single me out. It is a team contribution. My goals represent the fulfilment of the hard work of the entire team.

RRE: What has been the highlight for you so far?

ubhashinim: The reception for the team when we played our first international match – the friendly against Eseck in McKillops Bridge. A quarter of a million people lined the river and streets for the two teams.

RRE: Better than the hat trick?

ubhashinim: No comparison.

RRE: What about the crowds chanting ub - ha - shi - nim to the tune of "The Volga Boatmen"? That must be thrilling.

ubhashinim: Not just thrilling. It inspires the whole team.

RRE: What’s it like having withare for a coach?

ubhashinim: Terrifying. He hardly says a word. He just stares at you.

RRE: How did he react to the losses?

ubhashinim: Severely. The Lowland Clans loss (4-nil) was the worst. It was at home and big things were expected. We were dreadful. keok was even filmed asleep on the bench in the second half. In the rooms after the match he didn’t speak to us at all. He just lined us up and stared us down. That really added to the humiliation.

RRE: What has it been like visiting other nations?

ubhashinim: A lot of fun, except the executive riots in Liverpool England. Those riots were weird. I’m not even sure what useful role executives play in a society. The ones here in Errinundera don’t seem terribly important. Mind you, they only get paid the minimum wage. Life must be difficult for them.

RRE: What are the goals and prospects for the team?

ubhashinim: If we can get 17 points in qualifying that would put us in the KPB top 100 for World Cup 31. That’s if the ratings at the start of qualifying are any guide. So far we have 8 points. Another 3 wins would do it. It’s a big ask but it’s in our hands. Our prospects? Well, 12 of the 21 national squad players are under 25. We are building for the future.

RRE: Your form in the domestic competition is sensational. Do you think that the Rodgerers can be premiers?

ubhashinim: If McKillops Bridge had somewhere to play their home games they would romp it in. As it is they have been winning all their away games. They are a very angry side right now. All those forfeited matches will be too much though. First Creek Falls are the red-hot favourites. But we’ll give it a shake. Watch out for Monkeytop – they’re underrated. If they can tighten up their defence they will give everyone a fright.

RRE: Before you go, we have to ask your opinion on the number one issue in the country right now. Should the national parliament allow Rodger River to name its new sacred tree after the hometown hero, the legendary longipesp.

ubhashinim: Of course.

‘Satisfying’ performance

Ariddia welcomed the team from Rordia in Wavecrest City Stadium, keen to strengthen their lead over Group 9, at the expense of opponents currently in fourth place. The crowd gave their guests a warm welcome, but the cheers were mostly for the home team, especially when midfielder Uha Teh proceeded to open the score in the sixteenth minute, having evaded two defenders to reach a ball passed by Senaya.

A corner kick conceded by Rordia in the twenty-fifth minute almost yielded a second goal, but the Rordian keeper was just able to deflect the ball, and it was hastily cleared by the defenders. Undeterred, the Rouge-et-Noirs pressed on their attack, and Hanifah Kyaw scored for Ariddia in the thirty-second minute. It was three-nil by half-time, thanks to a goal by Michelle Dru in the thirty-eighth.

With such a clear lead, the Rouge-et-Noirs lessened the pace slightly in the second half, strengthening their defence and making fewer incursions into the other side. They still maintained ball possession, however, and continued enough attacks to keep their opponents busy, scoring one further goal thanks to a free kick taken by Hanifah Kyaw in the sixty-fourth minute.

“A lot can still happen, but so far the team’s performance has been satisfying,” was coach Evgheny Melenciuc’s only comment.

Surprisingly, Spruitland drew to Los Mexico one all, allowing Ariddia to edge a further two points ahead. Uncle Pete continued to struggle as they lost 1-4 to Squornshelous, while Total n Utter Insanity defeated Dorian and Sonya by the opposite score of four to one. Ropa-Topia defeated Champlaign 2-1, Rejistania drew against System Karela with the interesting score of two all, and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega remained well in the lead in group 12, defeating Horgate three-nil.

Unbeaten Streak Extended To 5

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their World Cup qualifying run yesterday with a 3-2 win over 126th ranked Bostopia. The game started very quickly with Cory Sorley scoring in the 6th minute. Then a Bostopian player scored in the 19th minute. In the 28th minute Bostopia tickled the twine once more making it 2-1. This was the score at half time. In the 62nd minute Darrel Ralegigh scored his first career goal to make it 2-2. When it was looking like the game was going to end in a draw Jon Fields took the ball at half, and ran thorugh the whole Bostopian defence then put the shot top corner to make it 3-2. With this win and Hockey Canada's loss, Quakmybush now sits in 2nd place in their group. Quakmybush will next face Ten Thousand Maggots, who are still cellar dwelling in the group. Other scores in Group 10 were The Archregimancy defeated Hockey Canada 2-1, Demot smashed Palixia 4-0, and Ten Thousand Maggots and Giant Zucchini drew 1-1.

Group 10 Table

GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy (25) 8 6 1 1 19 20 7 13
Quakmybush (46) 8 5 2 1 17 15 9 6
Hockey Canada (10) 8 4 3 1 15 15 5 10
Giant Zucchini (54) 8 4 1 3 13 17 13 4
Demot (142) 8 3 2 3 11 17 10 7
Bostopia (126) 8 1 2 5 5 12 21 -9
Ten Thousand Maggots (204) 8 1 2 5 5 8 23 -15
Palixia (UR) 8 0 3 5 3 3 19 -16

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia W 3-2
Ten Thousand Maggots
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot


Goal Scorers
Jon Fields 7
Cory Sorley 3
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Andrew Plett 1
Chris Bricking 1
Darrel Ralegigh 1

((OOC- Tynelia RP))

“Hello soccer fans, today Tynelia’s quest for a World Cup berth continued with a convincing 3-0 home win over Nikea. Hoever, like MD1 this was a day where the top four seeds dominated and won by even more convincing margins than the first time around. This of course means that with Starblaydia and Bettia both winning Tynelia is still three points away from a qualifying spot. Tynelian fans are hoping for Awal KB to stall the Bettia rush in the next match. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. A big effort on the firld today for the team Dana.”

“Yes it was Mike and it was also nice to see newcomer Greg Samson record his first ever international goal. Samson has been touted as one of the next generation of players to fill the offensive void when Jay Masterson steps down and it was good to see him put one in the net today. The other goals came from Masterson- bringing his already career tournament high to a whopping six goals. Anya Collins added her second of the tourney as well. It seems safe to say that the offensive stall of past cups isn’t going to happen this time around Mike.”

“It sure looks that way and the team is also only three goals away from setting their all time tournament scoring record as well of 16 set in their first Cup back in WC27. Of course this still has them well behind Bettia in goal differential so the only realistic way Tynelia can move past them is to out point them. However the team is still hoping for the extra Bettia stumble they will need to get by them.”

“That will be tough. This is actually Bettia’s toughest stretch though. First Awal KB, then Starblaydia and then us. The other three teams ranked in the top four. For Tynelia to have any chance, we must win our match, Starblaydia must win over Bettia and hope for Awal KB to at least snare a draw. Or even more unlikely Tynelia follows a Bettia win with a draw or win off Starblaydia. Basically Tynelia’s chances are still unlikely as they attempt to set a World Cup record for the most points ever from a nonqualifying team.”

“A good point, maybe we’ll have to have a stats guy go digging through the archives to find out what the current record is. Now as most viewers may recall we normally chat with Coach Adam Billington at this point in the show but due to a storm in the area our conncetions to our on site reporters has been cut off and we’ll be unable to have that tonight. So Dana, I guess that means its time for your predictions Dana. We face Montegrande on the road, a team that we barely held off in a tight 3-2 contest at home.”

“This will be an interesting test Mike. If Coach Billington stays true to the plan he spoke of earlier this means Jim Michaels will be given a chance for his third straight shutout as Amy Whiteworth will be given the day off and prepare for second to last seed Wrecker next. This is a good move as montegrande seemed to have frustrated Whiteworth the first time out. After a shutout here, Billington doesn’t want her to lose any confidence by having a bad game here. Montegrande hasn’t seen Michaels yet while he was able to watch them the first time out so I think this will be a good move for both of them. The first time through Billington gave Whiteworth time to dwell on the Montegrande performance by sitting her against Wrecker which may have affected her against Bettia and Starblaydia. This time she’ll have a match against a favorable opponent which may help get her energized for the big two.”

“That’s an interesting way of looking at it Dana, it does make sense for Billington to try to change the routine after his first try didn’t work but you never answered my question. Who wins?”

“I think we’ll come out on top. Tynelia’s defense has come around a bit having not allowed a goal in four straight matches against teams ranked below us after letting three by in the first two matches. However Montegrande’s offense has been very solid as well. I think this will be a lower scoring match but Tynelia hangs on for a 2-1 win. However I expect Starblaydia to handle Nikea easily and I don’t think Awal KB is quite having the tournament they’ve hoped for and I think Bettia comes out on top there as well so once more we’re left to just try to keep pace with the leaders.”

“OK then Dana. We’ll just have to see how things turn out. A pair of road matches are on the agenda next for the team as they try to maintain their winning streak before running into the big two at home. Tynelia vs. Montegrande on our next show as the qualifying run continues on Tynelian Soccer Weekly. I’m Mike McPhee for Dana Lee. Have a good night everyone.”

Northern Caesarea 2 Island of Ishtar 0

25. Franco 0

17. Heredia * =>4. Capdevilla (m.80)
21. Perea ** A
3. Sergi *

8. Álava **
13. Vizcaíno **
16. De la Rosa ****
18. Zeamendi ***

14. Istúriz ***
23. Salmerón *
20. Toledo 0 => 9. Álvarez (m.59)

Arana- A lot of suffering and endurance gave the victory to the Tricolores last night against Ishtar. The match started well, with De la Rosa scoring at m.12. But Island of Ishtar didn't surrender and made very quick counterattacks, giving great problems to Northern Caesarea defenders and goalie. They could have won the match if they weren't so unlucky.

The Tricolores only found some rest when Istúriz scored the second goal, at m.87.

The Wentland Apathetic

When the President of the WAS asked me to write a match report for the Marion Oaks game, my first reaction, of course, was "why should I bother?" The President then pointed out the logical fallacy of my argument, i.e. that I should not bother not writing the report, so here I was in front of the television.

I could not be bothered to change the channel, but fortunately it defaulted to WBC1 and there it was, live and direct from Marion Oaks. I don't know where that is, and decided it would be a breach of the WAS Charter to look it up in the atlas, but there's all sorts of odd places I have never heard of (Hypocria? Becquerelia? Bedistan? Gragfax?) so I did not feel lost.

I did not know which side was Wentland but when the commentator said they were playing in their usual blue I deduced from that that Wentland were wearing blue. By lucky hap I was wearing blue too so I could support with a clear conscience, if I could get the effort together.

There seemed to be a lot of effort on the pitch, but I feel the WAS may have some joy in recruiting in Marion Oaks. Their fans did not seem particularly enthused. I did not really notice until the commentator pointed it out, suggesting perhaps that it was to do with their poor record, I was thinking about that Turkey Song by Spit & Image but he then said they had had one win in seven which I understand is not very good. I didn't do the maths.

Anyhoo, it appeared that the Marion Oaks defenders were honorary members of the WAS when they stood around with their arms in the air whilst someone called Cosmic or something like that rounded the keeper and popped the ball in the net. The commentator said they were appealing for "offside" and the replay apparently showed "Kent" was not offside, but I could not muster the effort to work out what the rule was. The Oaks players suddenly stopped being apathetic and became very antipathetic toward the man in black, but it availed them not.

For the remainder of the first half the Oaks were very pressing but the Wentland team, called the Swifts for some unearthly reason (it seems a bit too complicated to work out), defended well and it was 1-0 at half-time. The Oaks attacked at the start of the second, but soon fizzled out and the game continued at a sort of ambling pace until the final five minutes when Oaks threw everyone forward to get what is termed an equalizer (stop me if I'm getting too technical). Even the goalkeeper, someone called Stephan Gagnier Junior, came for a corner but it went over the bar and Wentland could not be bothered to kick off properly.

So it ended one-nil. Apparently this makes the table very interesting, but not interesting enough to make me care.

Starblaydia Play Two Friendlies on MD7.5?
First-team lose to Cuation while B-team kick co-host's arses

Two planes departed Starblaydi airspace before Matchday 'Seven-point-five', for some reason. The first carried the regular Starblaydi starting eleven and appropriate subsitutes. They, as planned, went off to Cuation to give all the little Cuation boys and girls a chance of seeing their heroes in action - the best team in the world! Coming to their stadium! And! Being beaten 1-0 by the home team! It doesn't get any better than that for shirt sales of both nations! The less said about the Starblaydi performance in the match, however, the better. On to the other mystery friendly.

The other plane, dear reader, was on it's way to The Islands of Qutar to give one of the host nations for World Cup Thirty a quick lesson in football. This contained the other players - those who just don't cut it for the shirts with the cool numbers 1-11 on. Unforunately for the Qutari team, they were also the ones with something to prove, the ones who weren't taking part in a friendly just to keep the sponsors happy. They were hungry, and boy did they show it.

Rajko Dakic, the bright young winger, was the star of the show as he bagged two goals to Qutar's one, with Durin Bazrimar bringing up the rear with a third, decisive goal for Starblaydia to cruise through as 3-1 winners.

With Starblaydia on maximum points from their eight Group Six games so far, they are still only three points ahead of the next best team, AO's very own takilans: Bettia. A Matchday Ten victory over Bettia should see Starblaydia all-but confirmed as one of the two Qualifiers from Group Six, while by that time both Jackie Maitland and Johan Keifner may well have surpassed Simeone Di Bradini and Zhorin Tumunzahar's joint-record of forty-four goals for their nation.

JK sits on forty-two goals, thanks to scoring the third against Spindomia in a 4-0 victory on Matchday Eight. Jackie Maitland, however, is one ahead on forty-three, a hat-trick against Tynelia and the opener yesterday against Spindomia doing her the world of good. Seven goals in eight matches so far and Maitland is still on course to break even Dasha Tolkacheva's record of fifty-two for her nation. Go Jackie!

Retrieved from http://www.bsd.co.bd/archives/2105/01/22/football/wc/*
* OOC: NOT a real URL

The Bedistan Sports Digest - Online Edition - January 22, 2105

Lions dominate Group 13; Hollins suspended

THE DREAMED REALM -- The Bedistan Lions' World Cup 30 qualification run has continued as expected, and the focus is apparently on the attack, with the team having scored an impressive 19 goals in the past four competitive matches - four against San Haven, then five each against Nedalia, Az-cz, and the porn-star team from Alasdair I Frosticus - while only conceding one to Az-cz over that same period.

"It's a very good sign," says manager Vanessa Carpenter. "Many seemed to have believed that the Bedistani football program had peaked about five or ten years ago and that we were on the decline now, but I think we've shown that we're definitely still here to play."

Of course, with the second match against AIF, Holy Empire star Francesca 'Hot' Totty makes headlines again, having apparently been seen exiting the Bedistan locker room at some time after the match. And once again, Lions attacking midfielder Leonard Hollins has come under fire.

"One of the other players approached me and told me what had happened," said Carpenter. "I've notified the Bedistan Football Association and we're launching a full investigation into Mr. Hollins' alleged behavior. He has been suspended from the national team while this investigation is ongoing." When asked which player gave Carpenter the news, she commented that the player requested that his or her name not be revealed.

Should these allegations be true, Hollins would not be charged with any crime, not having actually broken any laws, but he would likely face expulsion from the national team and possibly additional sanctions from the BFA including suspension and/or fines.

Bedistan currently sits first in Group 13 with seven wins and one loss, leading neighbors (and fellow Lions) Nedalia on goal difference. The Anathematic Republics are third, five points behind the top two.

[OOC: Leonard Hollins has been suspended until further notice. Instead, Anthony Hall will start in his place, with the team's standard formation altered from a 3-4-1-2 to a 3-1-4-2.]

Two Games, Two Results

Only Cuation could take on and beat Starblaydia, the best team in the world in a friendly and then only manage a draw against Lisburn when it mattered. I think the fans would prefer the results got swapped, get a suprise draw and beat Lisburn but it is not to be.

Jude was man of the match against the Stars with an amazing performance between the sticks, pulling of countless saves behind a hard working defence. Giovanni's 54th goal was a shock, coming inside, he picked up a loose ball and just shot at goal from distance, the swerve dumbfounding Paola Mendez.

At the last seconds of the game, a Star corner was headed out and Pedro Rujano hit a 40 yard volley that clearly beat Jude and Butcher, who was on the line, but hit the top of the bar. The effort brought the home crowd to a give a standing ovation.

Against Lisburn, Cuation where reduced to a scrappy game in midfield with an early goal that should have lifted up the game. A long ball forward by Samba was flicked on by Lu Fei but Marvin Andrews blocked Rual's volley, the ball hitting Lu Fei on the chest and setting him clear. His finish was hardly assured but it slipped past the keeper to put them in front.

Lisburn pushed forward in the second half but Cuation never really looked like countering, tired legs seemed to tell. Keeping calm against a tight defence, Lisburn broke through when Keith Livingston kept hold off the ball in midifleild before sending Andrew Stewert through on the overlap. His low cross was scramabled home by Dominic Patton

Had Amusi Akobyi kept his head, he could have taken all three points, suprised when the ball broke to him for a deflected corner, lifting it hit above the bar. His look of dissapointment said it all but a draw was a fair result, both teams pretty poor on the day.

The Isangrad Times

Boyars Continue to Sputter Out
Draws with Floormat Carvalo

Today when Magnus Valerius played away in Carvalo, they were hoping for a great win against the doormat of Group 12, which has not won a game yet and looms forbidden and dejected at the bottom of the group. Little did the Boyars know that the little team had a little spark today in their game against the Boyars. This was a humiliating day for the third seed in Group 12, and the Boyars, after their first few matchdays were confident in trying to get into the qualifying spot. It was indeed another blow to the spirit of the Boyars and the morale of their fans.

The game started off to a crawl. The players warmed up with some goal attempts and footplay, with Magnus Valerius taking three attempts within the first ten minutes. Carvalo soon upped the ante when they brought in their striker from out of nowhere at the 22nd minute, weaving his way past the Valerian defense, to score a goal. The Carvaloans cheered as their player did a handstand at the team's 'triumph' over the Valerians, who have far more experience than the Carvaloan team.

Midfielder Yeufimei Bashkirsky, seeing that the defense of the Boyars was still a little hot under the collar, brought in Mongke Urt-Urumqi and George Illyanich for a team play and to get in a Valerian goal as quickly as possible. George Illyanich took the ball before kicking over to open Urt-Urumqi. The Mongol then passed the footie over to Bashkirsky, who was energized, excited, and dove into the defense. The Carvaloans were literally breathless as Bashkirsky sent a screaming rocket right into the goalnet. It was literally inches past the goalie's head, who soon turned and ducked.

For the Valerian fans, things seemed to take a turn for their side. The Valerians dropped any goal attempts from Carvalo and kept up the defense that had failed them just a little earlier. Carvalo, in between the 30th and 65th minutes, made only three goal attempts, all turned back by Gustav Sibel.

Just before the second half even got underway, George Illyanich dashed and surprised the Carvaloans; George Illyanich's favorite tactic is the element of surprise, and it's hard to predict what the Tower of Power could do! At the 47th minute, the confused Carvaloans had another rocket hit their nets, racking up another point for the Boyars. The Boyars were finally in the lead in the game.

To cement this apparent win they were about to get over Carvalo once again, Jacques "Frenchie" d'Anjou came in with the "Wrecking Crew" of Jonathon Song, Kyrill Feodorov, and Heinrich Zerbst. With a four-way play, with George Illyanich keeping back, watching, and covering in case they screwed up, the Wrecking Crew came in and dealt another blow to the Carvaloans with another goal made in by d'Anjou at the 63rd minute. Coach Ilya Pavlov smiled as "Pavlov's Dogs", the Boyars, seemed to be confident on winning this game. However, things took a drastic turn when the Carvaloans once again controlled the ball. They seemed unphased by the Valerian plays, and then came back with a vengeance.

At the 72nd minute, they made a goal past a confident Sibel, who might as well have been taking a nap after the poor earlier performance by the Carvaloans. Even the defense were too caught up in being overconfident in their own abilities against the 'wimps' (or so they thought) from Carvalo.

The game continued on, with defense shaping up a little, but not by much. The Valerians focused on keeping their one-point lead over Carvalo instead of making more goals, but the downfall is that the Valerians are known as a more aggressive team. They do have a solid defense, but perhaps it was something in the air that made them did so poorly today. In fact, the Carvaloans, at the urging of their fans in the stadium crowds, charged at the last minute. Sibel flew towards the footie.... and it was... GOALLLL!!!! Sibel was unable to block the Carvaloan screamer and at the 87th minute, it was a 3-ALL draw. It was humiliating for the Boyars, who were, just last week, doing very well.

Final Score

Carvalo 3:3 Magnus Valerius

Scorers
Carvalo - (22)
Yeufimei Bashkirsky - 1 (29)
George Illyanich - 1 (47)
Jacques d'Anjou (63)
Carvalo - (72)
Carvalo - (87)


THE GROUP STANDINGS


P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 8 6 1 1 22 6 16 19
Green wombat 8 5 1 2 15 11 4 16
New Montreal States 8 4 3 1 18 7 11 15
Harlesburg 8 4 1 3 13 15 -2 13
Magnus Valerius 8 3 3 2 16 13 3 12
Lexington SC 8 3 0 5 13 19 -6 9
Horgate 8 1 1 6 2 13 -11 4
Carvalo 8 0 2 6 6 21 -15 2


Boyar Top Scorers!
G. Illyanich - 7
K. Feodorov - 3
J. d'Anjou - 2
Y. Bashkirsky - 1
J. Song - 1
M. Urt-Urumqi - 1
H. Zerbst - 1


MD1: Magnus Valerius v. Carvalo --- W 2:1
MD2: Lexington SC v. Magnus Valerius --- W 0:3
MD3: Magnus Valerius v. Horgate --- W 3:0
MD4: Magnus Valerius v. Green Wombat --- D 3:3
MD5: New Montreal States v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD6: Magnus Valerius v. Androssa Se Mitrin Vega --- L 1:2
MD7: Harlesburg v. Magnus Valerius --- L 4:1
MD7.5: Friendly games
MD8: Carvalo v. Magnus Valerius --- D 3:3
MD9: Magnus Valerius v. Lexington SC @ Tsar's Arena, Isangrad
MD10: Horgate v. Magnus Valerius
MD11: Green Wombat v. Magnus Valerius
MD12: Magnus Valerius v. New Montreal States @ Immortal City Field in Tabriz
MD13: Androssa Se Mitrin Vega v. Magnus Valerius
MD14: Magnus Valerius v. Harlesburg @ Szekely Dome in Belagrad

And we turn back around to see what's behind us:


http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/becquerelia.gif Becquerelia - 2__________0 - Kericia http://www.geocities.com/becquerelia/images/kericia.gif


VICTORY ON THE ROAD
No Need For Close Calls Against Kericia


KERICIA (JNS) - The second half of World Cup Qualifying started the same way as the first: Becquerelia defeated Kericia.

It was different in one way. In the first game, Becquerelia allowed two goals at home. In the second game, Becquerelia shut out Kericia at their home field.

Gregory Conveniencia scored in the 14th minute, and Thomas Strazzabosco added the second goal in the 58th.

"It's a definitly a good win," said Assisstant Coach David Deneen after the match. "Anytime you win at the opposing team's home field, that's a plus. And if you can earn a shutout, well that's just icing on the cake, really."

Becquerelia returns home to face winnless and struggling Sashonska next.


Becquerelia's Current Results and Upcoming Schedule
Home Team Last
WIN DRAW LOSS
MD01: Kericia - 2 Becquerelia - 3
MD02: Becquerelia - 1 Sashonska - 0
MD03: Uncle Pete - 0 Becquerelia - 2
MD04: Becquerelia - 3 The Weegies - 0
MD05: Becquerelia - 2 Sativaville - 1
MD06: Squornshelous - 3 Becquerelia - 0
MD07: Becquerelia - 3 Vilita - 1
MD08: Becquerelia - 2 Kericia - 0
MD09: Sashonska (0-1-7) at Becquerelia (7-0-1)
MD10: Becquerelia (7-0-1) at Uncle Pete (0-1-7)
MD11: The Weegies (2-0-6) at Becquerelia (7-0-1)
MD12: Sativaville (5-0-3) at Becquerelia (7-0-1)
MD13: Becquerelia (7-0-1) at Squornshelous (8-0-0)
MD14: Vilita (5-0-3) at Becquerelia (7-0-1)

Goal Scorers
Zikan - 5
Gregory Conveniencia - 3
Niceaus Annunziata - 2
Razak Khalef - 2
Paul Annunziata - 1
Leo De Grenier - 1
Cyrinus Metellarius - 1
Thomas Strazzabosco - 1

PALADINS TRULY ABYSMAL

Trailing Green Wombat heading into the second half puts NMS in a dire strait

NEW MONTREAL - With a half minus one of the qualifiers to go, the Paladins are playing extremely poorly, trailing a team called "Green Wombat" by one point, with seven matches to go.

Armand St-Gilbert, the little league baseball coach who had taken a job that nobody else wanted (quite literally) has been guarenteed the post until the end of qualifiers, however, a missed trip to the finals will surely mean he's on the way out.

An aging Paladins side can also shoulder its fair share of the blame, as many key figures are over thirty, or quickly approaching that august age. The offense and midfield has been sluggish at times, usually not the ones you'd want to be sluggish at.

Whether we can turn this around is doubtful, and most of the smart money is on us missing this Cup, and relying on a youth movement to turn us around for WC31.

[[OOC: Sorry, been moving into college for the first time ever, and been having some issues getting everything into place.]]

Inside of the capitol of Rejistania.

"What do you say, we conceded against SYSTEM KARELA of all teams?"

"Indeed, Lentine'he, the Defenders scored two goals against the Orange-Blues! I think we need to take measures."

"Measures? as in?"

"Influence the ASR to have Frankton'he fired and flogged!"

"Fired and flogged, su?"

"He is a disgrace for the nation!"

"Haxada'he, Frankton'he helped the rejistanian soccer very much. By the way, did Pfeffer'he score again?"

"Yes, twice. He was substituted in in the 85th minute."

"I guess at that time, we were leading 2:0?"

"Indeed!"

"Well, there is no defense, which can help against pure godmodding."

"If we played System karela..."

"We did!"

"The Orange-Blues played AGAINST System Karela, not in System Karela!"

"That happened on the first matchday!"

"I mean, not played a System Karela tactic."

"Indeed, otherwise, we would not have been able to score against the Karelan 11 man defense!"

"Scoring is irrelevant if you concede!"

"I would have you arrested if you wouldn't have immunity as head of state, Haxada!"

"Why would you arrest me?"

"terrorism!"

"You will get what you deserve! You will!"

"Didn't the Karelan party lose the majority a while ago?"

"We will regain it, believe me, lentine'he!"

'Cats 2 Wombats 1

Lexington Sports Sentinel

At the new Wildcat Hollow today the 'cats played some excellent soccer all around and kept the Wombats guessing. In the first hl;f the 'Cats came out a little slow.

Uknown Vilitan's Complete Weegies Double


After opening up with a 2-1 win away from home, the Vilita Jungle Cats completed their first sweep of World Cup 30 at the Tivali Ring Stadium in the Vilitan Capital of Alikki-Corra, Vilita this afternoon with a 1-0 victory over The Weegies. As has been the custom throughout this World Cup, however, the names of the Vilitan players involved in the match remain unknown. The reason for this has been a government influenced recommendation on the restriction of access to media outlets at public events. However, with the Vilitan Football Association currently putting forward a bid to host World Cup 31, some questions have arisen about how such recommended government influenced media restrictions could effect the reporting of events at the World Cup should the Vilitan bid with the Lowland Clans be successful in its hosting campaign.

Just moments from now, Vilitan representative Teariki Mane will be speaking at a rare public and media press conference from the Vilitan training facility in Alikki-Corra.

In other news, Vilita's Iolali Morai was uncerimoniously dumped out of the Atlantian Oceania Kleptochase Championships in the semi final stage at the hands of St.... Ah, let us go live now to Alikki-Corra and the press conference from Vilitan representative Teariki Mane!


TM:: Hello everyone, and thank you for coming. I'm here to talk about our teams performance so far in our World Cup 30 qualifying campaign, and our plans for the future, so without further hesitation I'll be taking some questions. Yes, there in the green?

Q: Greetings Mr. Mane, I was wondering, how do you think the recommended restrictions accross Vilita on media interference will effect a World Cup held here in the Islands?

TM:: Thank you for your question, I would rather start off talking about our current squad rather than the future, but then I shouldn't have gone directly to the questioning. As far as media restrictions, they are self imposed and should not interfere with the running of the World Cup in Vilita & The Lowland Clans. As you know very well, the reason the media restrictions were put in place was a direct result of everyone in this room hounding our players during World Cup qualifying to the point where players would miss matches because they were outside the stadium 20 minutes before the start giving an interview and couldn't get through the crowds intime to make the locker room and fill their place on the team sheet. We ended up going into matches with 9 and 10 out on the pitch and using up 2 substitutions in the first five minutes, all on account of the media. It is for this reason that we are not allowing media interference with our squad during World Cup 30 qualifying.

As for the finals, thats a totally different story. Be them here in Vilita, or in any other nation, we would never restrict the media from covering the events, in fact, we would then encourage it. All the finals venue's are preselected and we would never have to worry about travelling to a small stadium in a small country where our players can't get back into the stadium after a pre-match interview in the parking lot. I hope that addresses that issue, now are there any questions about our current squad?

Q: Hi Mr. Mane, The squad are currently 6 points shy of the top 2 and qualifying for the World Cup, what now?

TM:: Well, theres still plenty more matches to play, and I think if we can win them all, bar the match against Squornshelous, then we will qualify. If we drop more than one result we may be resigned to a return to the cup of harmony. Obviously a 5 and 3 record is not where we wanted to stand at this moment, Ideally we'd be sitting at 6-1-1, but it's not the case, we'll have to go with what we have and build from it. Yes, in the red tie?

Q: Thank You, In the match against the Weegies, we couldn't help but notice the goalkeepers striking resemblance to former Vilitan National Goalkeeper Jawz Oaker, the former Makosile goalkeeper born to a Vilitan mother after local club Colonial Sile had signed Arthin Oaker for the Vilitan League. Is there a family connection?

TM:: As you know, I've no comment on the identities of any of the players in our current roster, and as it says in the pamphlet handed out pre-conference, any questions asked that breach the self-imposed media interference regulations would result in the immediate termination of the press conference. Thank you all for your time.

Mr. Mane walked out of the room, and a few pens were tossed in the direction of the man in the red tie.

Txema Pamundi: Hi, there. The news today: the list for next WC game, against Turori and the Olímpico Salinas celebrations as winner of the Winter Cup. We are going to speak with national coach, Pepu Hernández, about the next match and our performance in WC30. Pepu?

Pepu Hernández: Hello, Txema.

TP: Do you know yet who will travel to Turori?

PH: Yeah, that's my list:

12. Salmón

2. Martínez
4. Capdevilla
22. Ibañez

19. Gabi
6. Llano
16. De la Rosa
18. Zeamendi

14. Istúriz
7. Maragall
9. Álvarez

Called in:

25. Franco
3. Sergi
8. Álava
13. Vizcaíno
20. Toledo
23. Salmerón

TP: What's your opinion about the euphoria in the nation about our WC qualification perspectives?

PH: I think we must mainly concentrate in each match and forget further implications. Our game against Turori in essential, as we can eliminate a very dangerous rival. We can't forget that Sarzonia and Kaze Progressa are over us in the table: these are two great names in WC history.

[ TTI ] :: Turorian Transmission Interception

Somwhere inside the Football Association of Turori headquarters:

Do they know?

I didn't think so.

Do you really want to do it?

Well okay then, just remember, its your ass.

Do you have it all planned properly?

Just making sure. Hey, while your there, get me Ibañez' shirt will you? I want to sell it on T-Bay.

Nah, its okay, I have an account based out of Liverpool England, it will be fine.

Right, say hello to Miabelae for me, will you?


Meanwhile....

Somwhere near the place where the Northern Caesarean Players are:


No, they don't.

So we're still on then?

Yes, I really want to.

There's nothing to worry about, they won't find out.

My father was a VOIA op, I think I have some idea what I'm doing.

Yea right, then they'll know it was us

Ah, perfect. Don't worry friend, after I'm through, theres no way we'll lose.

Right, all the best.


... End of Transmission ...

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Painful Sports Publication

Rorysville Revenge Cripple Waffles

Rorysville were intent on revenge after the four-bil whitewash Spaam thrust
upon them a few months ago, and revenge they got. It was perhaps the
most exciting match that the Waffles had played since last season, as Daniel
Miller for the Moose and Tehta Trevelyan for the Waffles traded goals the
entire match. Then...

<corrupted file>

...in the 91st minute, Jenna Pinch got sent off for a hard tackle against Miller
in the square, which allowed him to take penalty. This time he didn't miss, and
the Moose came out ahead.

Rorysville 3 - 2 Spaam
(13 Miller 33, 68, 91) (1 Trevelyan 16, 72)

Results

Group Five
Risa-Aramour 2 - 1 Eseck
Peturbed Lepoard 0 - 5 Krytenia
Vuam and Isma 1 - 1 Tocapa

Risa-Aramour had a tough match against Eseck, but came out two goals to
one winners, while Peturbed Lepoard were made a mockery of as Krytenia put
in five unanswered goals. And Vuam and Isma drew with Tocapa, and all but
put themselves out of the qualifying race. Krytenia and Rorysville are
comfortable up top, while Risa-Aramour are three points off the pace in third.
Spaam has slipped to fourth and look like missing out on the World Cup.

Group One
Hiiraan 0 - 1 Spaamanian Plijous
Benlandngdo 2 - 2 Errinundera

Group Ten
Bostopia 2 - 3 Quakmybush

Alan Belmore's solitary goal, and fourteenth for the competition, was enough
to ensure a win against the winless Hiiraan, while Errinundera drew with
Benlandngdo in an away game. The Gulls are still one point behind second
place and qualification, while Errinundera are looking off the pace but
comfortable in their fifth. And the Sharks did enough to defeat Bostopia and
push themselves back into second place, and are just two points behind top
position, the Archregimancy.

Next Week

Spaam will be looking to getting back on the winner's trail when they face
Risa-Aramour at home, and will need a win if they want a chance to qualify.
Eseck will host Peturbed Lepoard in a battle for the wooden spoon, while
Krytenia will be looking to extend their unbeaten run when they face Vuam
and Isma. And Tocapa will host Rorysville who need a win to ensure
qualification.

In other matches, the Gulls host Chicanada in a match that will decide second
place in the group, while Errinundera face the unbeaten former world
champions, Liverpool England. And the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks will play
host to Ten Thousand Maggots and be looking to cement their spot for the
World Cup.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 7 1 0 27 5 22 22 84
Rorysville 6 1 1 19 7 12 19 73
Risa-Aramour 5 1 2 17 14 3 16 55
Spaam 4 2 2 20 8 12 14 71
Vuam and Isma 3 2 3 12 10 2 11 55
Eseck 1 1 6 5 24 -19 4 17
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 7 2 20 -18 3 9
Tocapa 0 2 6 8 22 -14 2 27

Goal Scorers

8 Tehta Trevelyan (1)
5 Crewenna Roskelly (4)
3 Mar'h Menadue (14)
2 Eseld Retallack (20)
1 Jenifer Uren (7)
1 Gorran Chegwidden (2)

History

01 Spaam 4-0 Rorysville
02 Risa-Aramour 2-2 Spaam
03 Krytenia 1-0 Spaam
04 Tocapa 0-2 Spaam
05 Spaam 6-0 Eseck
06 Spaam 2-0 Peturbed Lepoard
07 Vuam and Isma 2-2 Spaam
08 Rorysville 3-2 Spaam
09 Spaam vs Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam vs Krytenia
11 Spaam vs Tocapa
12 Eseck vs Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard vs Spaam
14 Spaam vs Vuam and Isma



Note... I had an RP for Matchday 7 but I accidentally closed the window before I posted it, and could NOT be stuffed doing another one.

Matchday 9 has arrived (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=11612304#post11612304)

News item from the Goongerah (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Goongerah) Green Left Online Edition:

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/GreenLeft.gif

PARLIAMENT REJECTS RODGER RIVER NAME

The Parliament of Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) today ended the hopes of many today when it quashed Rodger River’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River) appeal against the Sacred Tree Registry’s decision to stop the city from naming its new sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree) after football legend, longipesp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Longipesp). In what is seen as a highly partisan decision, almost all mayors outside the Rodger region voted against the name. Because the decision was in the negative the matter does not need to go to the upper house for legal ratification by the magistrates.

Rodger River mayor, reeada, is defiant. “They can go suck eggs. We will abide by the decision but people haven’t heard the end of this. The Naming Committee will meet again shortly. Whatever name we choose will be by the book but I can’t guarantee other Errinundrians will like it.”

The skywalks of Rodger River are seething with anger. Without letting anybody know that your intrepid news organisation is only just up the skywalk from the Sacred Tree Registry we canvassed the views of the average Rodgerer.

issedopf: Goongerah sucks. It is the ugliest, most consumerist place in Errinunderah. I hear that the Goonies sell their mothers into slavery in foreign nations.

gryan: I’ve just cancelled my subscription to the Goongerah Green Left Online Edition. They are a pack of fascist mongrels.

onsediti: I’ve heard that there are some Goonie reporters in town. Word is, if they’re found, we’re gonna throw them in the big bin by the docks with the sign that says, “Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided.” A few days in there should teach them a good lesson.

eumenides: We will pursue the Sacred Tree Registry robber barons until justice is done.

HOW COOL IS ERRINUNDERA? HOW TEMPERATE?

In another debate in parliament today, a clear majority voted to keep the words “Cool Temperate Rainforest of” as part of the nation’s name. Many mayors felt that they marginalised some of the regions (http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Map-Errinundera-regions2.jpg) of Errinundera.

Some, like Club Terrace and Martin Creek mayors, objected to the word “cool”. We are rare pockets of “warm” rainforest in this great nation. The current name disenfranchises us.”

“That’s ridiculous,” countered the Hairy Man mayor. “They have the same voting right as everybody else. Saying they have been disenfranchised is hyperbole. Besides, in both instances the great rivers that flow through their regions begin life in the cool temperate rainforest. Their existence depends upon it.”

“Rainforest?” asks the mayor of Wulgulmerang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wulgulmerang). “What’s a forest? I’ve never seen one. The name of this nation seems to have nothing to with us. Geologically, biologically and generally logically. The Upper Snowy has little in common with the rainforests on the Errinundera Plateau. I don’t know why we don’t secede.”

The motion to change the name was defeated along climatic lines. Mayors from the cool temperate regions of Plateau, Ellery, Rodger, Delegate and Goolengook opposed the motion. Mayors from the drier regions of Deddick, Upper Snowy and Lower Snowy supported it. Mayors from Bemm and Brodribb were divided reflecting the diverse nature of their forests.

OTELOPEA SCORES AS POTOROOS PUSH LIVERPOOL ENGLAND

101,000 fans packed into the BCG (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#The_B.C.G._.28Bonang_Cricket_Ground.29) in Bonang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang) today to watch the Potoroos take on world number 5 side, Liverpool England. In a gloriously competitive game the national side lost 1-2 only after understudy goalie, lotorous, accidentally fouled the Liverpool England striker, Donald Clapper, in the last seconds of injury time. As Luis Sutherland prepared to take the penalty shot all 101,000 fans sang as one, “We won’t cry for you, Errinund’ra”. The successful shot on goal failed to silence the crowd who only sang the louder, joined by the arm-in-arm potoroos who circled the field encouraging them.

Earlier in the half otelopea – great, great grandson of oreadest - equalised after receiving a penalty of his own. In fact, all 3 goals were scored from the penalty spot. This is a fair indication of the ruggedness of the game.

Captain, keok, was philosophical about the loss. “Actually, losing 1-2 against Liverpool England is a bigger deal than winning 4-3 in the first qualifying match against Benlandngdo. Liverpool England is a magnificent side. We learned more from losing to them than from playing all the other sides put together. We can’t complain about the last penalty. Clapper would probably have scored anyway.”

SPATE OF TORCHING IN GOONGERAH

Since the destruction of the headquarters of Corporate Torchers Inc (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Corporate_Torching) 8 weeks ago there has been a series of arson attacks in our beloved treetown, Goongerah (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Goongerah).

Two weeks ago the Country Fire Authority was razed. The nations proudest fire-fighting organisation has been reduced to cinders. “I’m really fearing this coming summer,” says Chief Firefighter, sprinkle. “Our lightning quick response times and renowned skills will be sorely tested by the destruction of so much vital equipment.”

Last week it was the Sacred Tree Registry. poplecti, the Protector of Sacred Trees, is just about having a fit. “They have destroyed records going back hundreds of years: priceless accounts of rituals, unique photographs, historical artefacts. This is a black day for Errinundera. I have absolutely no idea who would be so deranged to do this.”

Cripes! This looks like being the last edition of this web news service for a while. We hope to be publishing again soon. Goodbye.

* Funky theme song *

Dazza: I'm B1
Rachel: And I'm B2
Dazza: B is for Bimbo, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE
Rachel: The highest rating TV show in Jeruselem TV, ever

Dazza: Right, World Cup triple X - more fun than err, you know!
Rachel: We can't say that word, but you know what we mean.

Dazza: We forgot to mention that friendly between us and Lisa's team Yafor 2. OK, the Jeruselem reserves including moi, Finn and the teenies against the full Yafor 2 team.
Rachel: For the record, the Jeruselem team won again. OK, not 6-2 like the final of Women's World Cup 3 ... just TWO NIL. Once again, my co-host terrorised the Yafor 2 team
Dazza: I think they are scared of me.
Rachel: I think so too.

Dazza: Back to the current match day, that's 9 of 14. FIVE left.
Rachel: We played Delesa again. Last time we drew NIL ALL.
Dazza: This time, they scored the NIL and we got the one goal. Tricky game as they maybe lower ranked but still a tricky team!
Rachel: We kinda escaped with a win, but 3 points is still 3 points all the same as always say here.
Dazza: I think we just put the nail in the Delesa coffin for this world cup

Rachel: The Greatest Crap, err, they played like crap again
Dazza: The Islanders had a day on the beach and beat them THREE NIL while playing volleyball with bikini girls
Rachel: OK, it wasn't quite that way but the Islanders didn't have a stressful time at all is what we are saying

Dazza: Wentland got another win - against the Frenchies today.
Rachel: An easy peasy with sugar coating and fluffy dice win, err, TWO NIL
Dazza: I'd say the Marceau State team are headed home after this game.
Rachel: They aren't a bad team, but four teams here are far too good for them this world cup

Dazza: Group leader Cataduanes got challenged by the Oakies, but they eventually prevailed.
Rachel: Yes, a uncomfortable TWO ONE win but it's all 3 points for the group leader
Dazza: We'd prefer if the Oakies had won but Cataduanes lead by example once again
Rachel: Yes, the Oakies got chopped down but it was a good game from them against the 31st seed

Dazza: Top 4 won and no change to standing as the bottom 4 all lost so no change their either!
Rachel: Still Jeruselem 2nd with Wentland and Islanders right behind us

Dazza: Those Lions, grr, so hot, oh yeah
Rachel: She's not talking about the team hunks, actually today's performance
Dazza: Poor old San Haven, got torn to little pieces by the Lions
Rachel: Yes, a SIX NIL scoreline. Six star Lions ... you'd think they were Bedistan today
Dazza: Six is a nice number, but one of the other Group 13 teams won SEVEN ONE.
Rachel: Terror in Group 13 for some

Dazza: Canucks lost to the Monks last game but rebounded
Rachel: Yep. A fantastic FOUR NIL win over Demot but the other teams ahead of Hockey Canada also won so they are still 3rd.
Dazza: Including the team called quak my bush, no - I'm not making it up

Rachel: Yafor 2 won again. Lisa is doing a fantastic job with Yaforites!
Dazza: Oh yes, THREE ONE win to her team and they must be happy so far.
Rachel: Yeah, she is World Championship coach with Jeruselem. She knows what winning is all about.
Dazza: And our girls will be back for Women's World Cup 4 too. Watch out, hat-trick for us, hehe!

Rachel: Excited but all goals today? Watch the highlight package and see all goals.
Dazza: Including the mighty six from the Lions and our pathetic one
Rachel: Sorry, no beach football for the Islanders but I'm sure they know how to play that too. Dazza get carried away sometimes.
Dazza: Me? Never! or once every five minutes.

Rachel: Speaking of carrying things away, how was your date?
Dazza: Finn's a little too cautious still. I'm working on him
Rachel: Anything exciting happen?
Dazza: He's never dated a girl with an IQ over 120 before
Rachel: 120? MENSA chick
Dazza: (shows MENSA membership card to camera) See, I may look dumb but Dazza's no dill.

Rachel: That's it from me and Dazza. Don't miss the next episode.
Dazza: Because, it's good for you, and your dog or that budgie across the road
Rachel: And girls, keep buying those dresses. They are limited edition for this world cup only.
Dazza: And we have more stuff coming up soon!
Rachel: So be here or be nowhere.

<Stuff appears on screen>

MD 7.5

Jeruselem 2 - 0 Yafor 2

MD 9

Group 8
United Island Empires 3 - 0 The Greatest Crap
Cataduanes 2 - 1 Marion Oaks 2
Wentland 2 - 0 Marceau State
Jeruselem 1 - 0 Delesa

Group 9
Lylybium 1 - 3 Yafor 2

Group 10
Hockey Canada 4 - 0 Demot

Group 13
San Haven 0 - 6 Nedalia

Just Do It Ageainst Nikea
100% Record Maintained with 1-0 Win

Jackie Maitland: now joint-second with the legendary Simeone Di Bradini and Zhorin Tumunzahar on the all-time list of Starblaydi goalscorers. Forty-four goals to her name, thanks to this one-nil win over Nikea. It came, as always, with style and grace as she controlled a cross from Matteo Prizzoni on her chest, allowed it to drop and volleyed past the despairing lunge of defender Jaskelin Yukaritel to ripple the back of the net with goalkeeper Jehurin Keletel nowhere near to savng it.

The first to congratulate her was Johan Keifner, himself just two goals short of that same landmark of forty-four. Maitland has scored, on average, a goal for every eighty minutes of international football she's participated in. That's pretty damn incredible - forty-four goals in forty-nine games - leading to chants of 'Jackie's a godmod!' from jubilant Starblaydi fans. They haven't had one of those in years.

They haven't had a World Cup title for eight years, either, so this would be a good time for Jackie and the boys to go and grab one.

Final score from Nikea:
Nikea 0 - 1 Starblaydia
(None) - (Maitland 78)

Still on track

Virginia Nova. A country few Ariddians had ever visited. But a country the Rouge-et-Noirs would remember fondly, if only because it had enabled them to gain another three precious points in the qualifying stages of the World Cup.

The Novans were playing a mildly defensive style, and the first half hour or so of the match was characterised by repeated Ariddian attacks, solid Novan defending, and occasional Novan counter-incursions. One such almost yielded an advantage to Virginia Nova in the twenty-fourth minute, as Thérèse Chantier only just tackled the ball away from Jimmy Hillioes before he could properly arm his shot. The opening goal then went to Wol Eosh of Ariddia in the thirty-second, on a well aimed free kick by Uha Teh.

With only a narrow one-nil lead at half-time, the Rouge-et-Noirs stepped up the offensive, willing to take greater risks. That strategy paid off as Nam Hyok-Jun increased the lead in the fifty-ninth minute, and Tadjou Senaya made it three-nil ten minutes later, after Novan defender Paul Davis failed to clear the ball far enough from Alex Potter’s goal cage. By then, an Ariddian victory seemed all but inevitable, and a Novan goal by Adam Neppi in the seventy-fifth minute did little to spoil the party.

Also in group 9, Spruitland, Yafor 2 and Rordia maintained a strong performance, each scoring three goals against their respective opponents. Uncle Pete lost to Vilita, scoring one goal and conceding four, while Ropa-Topia went down nil-two against Rejistania, and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega defeated Green Wombat 3-0.

Emotion-filled sweep completed by Vilita Jungle Cats

As only fate could construct, the Vilita Jungle Cats were drawn up against a nation called Uncle Pete in World Cup xXx qualifying. A briefly known, but legendary Uncle of the same namesake, lost to the Empire of Vilita long ago, was once again remembered with a minutes silence before the match, and the Vilitan Football Association extends it's thanks to the opposition for respecting this request without hesitation.

As for the match, The Jungle Cats dominated much of the play in front of the cameras that often follow Vilita's road games, as they are not currently allowed to film the team at home. A defensive lapse on the hour gave the home team one back against a goalkeeper some are speculating to be an off-branch decendant of the now-defunct Oaker nation. Vilita netted four times in the match to improve their record to a total of 6 wins and three losses, bettering the record of their Turorian counterparts at this stage. The 6 wins puts Vilita on 18 points and sits them third in the standings. Results, for the Jungle Cats, were encouraging with leaders Squornshelous drawing Becquerelia, leaving Vilita 4 points out of the qualification zone with 6 games to play, including meetings with the top two in which their fate could be in their own hands.

Vilitan representative Teariki Mane called for 6 wins from the final 7 games of the competition, and has gotten the first of those wins right off the bat. Any slip up, however, could cost Vilita any hope of a return to the World Cup finals in Schianova and the Islands of Qutar.

((Tynelia RP))

“Hello soccer fans, today Tynelia continued their string run in the 30th WC group qualifiers with a narrow 1-0 win over Montegrande on the road. It was a tight day for all the top three teams as Starblaydia was held to a lone goal against Nikea in their 1-0 win and Bettia narrowly escaped Awal KB by the same score. A few scares for certain there. I’m Mike McPhee along with Dana Lee for Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Once again Tynelia pulls out a win but can’t make up any ground Dana.”

“It still beats the alternative of losing ground though Mike. However these results were a bit of a blow to Tynelia’s chances as Awal KB offered the best bet seedings-wise for a Bettia slip up that Tynelia might be able to take advantage of. However the second seeds survived leaving a final matchday performance against Nikea the next best chance of an unexpected stumble. The big match as far as Tynelia is concerned is when Starblaydia and Bettia go head to head next match day. Anything short of a Starblaydia win should all but ruin Tynelia’s chances as it would mean that Tynelia would be forced to beat both Bettia and Starblaydia back to back to catch up to Bettia. That’s not a very likely scenario.”

“On the field it was the third shutout in a row for Jim Michaels as he has been tremendous in his duty as the backup for Amy Whiteworth who will return in net against Wrecker. And Jay Masterson continues to add to his Tynelian single tournament record with his seventh goal in this tournament midway through the first half. Montegrande did put some pressure on Michaels in the second half but Tyr Ferret’s keeper withstood them all. Now it seems our communications are back and we can once again talk to Coach Adam Billington live. Hello again Coach.”

<image of Billington appears>

“Hello Mike and dana , good to see you both again.”

“Thanks Coach, another solid win for the team today and perhaps in beginning a new tradition this is the team’s fourth straight shutout in this Cup.”

“Yeah Dana, its nice to be on the giving side of a shutout streak than the receiving end of it.”

“So were you surprised that this was such a low scoring match compared to the five goals scored the first time around?”

“Not really Mike, the defense was shaky early but we’ve really gotten it together since the Starblaydia match. A lot of teams would have folded after the way Bettia and Starblaydia treated them in the first half, but these people bounced right back to reel off four straight shutout wins. I think they’re eager for the rematch.”

“Do you think this will affect their play against Wrecker next?”

“It better not” <laughs> “but its certainly possible. Obviously I have to remind the team we’re not facing Bettia yet and strong finish to this road trip will get us ready for the final stretch. Three of the last four at home and all home matches against the top seeds. With that in mind though I’ll be shaking things up some against Wrecker. I want the defenses rested and ready to go so Karl, Kim and Jane will all be starting on D to rest all three starters. Karl has been here before so he’ll be anchoring things in the center of the defense. After what happened the last time against the big two I want the starters as rested as they can because they’ll be run ragged in those matches. I’ll also be resting Donna and putting Tim at midfield too to give her a bit of rest.”

“Aren’t you worried this new set up will hurt the team’s defense against Wrecker though?”

“It’s possible Dana, but we have an older group of starters out there and after the first time we played them both we were worn out at the end because the starters had played most of the first three matches. Karl should be able to keep things from getting too crazy out there and Jane is a Stossels so she’s born to defend and Kim is fast enough to recover from whatever mistakes she might make out there. We’ll have Amy in net though to reverse what I did last time. I think we’ll be fine. If we can do these changes against a team ranked in the 200s and get by then we don’t deserve to move on.”

“OK Coach, that’s all the time we have for now, thanks for joining us.”

“Anytime Mike.”

<Billington’s image fades>

“So Dana what do you think about the wild roster changes Coach Billington is putting into place for the Wrecker match?”

“Well he is right that the defense looked very tired halfway through the second half after chasing Bettia and Starblaydia all over the field so some rest might help them keep their legs the whole match. The starting offense is still out there so I think they should be able to score enough to make up for whatever defensive mistakes are made. As Billington said, Karl Jacobs is another veteran from WC27 so he should be able to direct traffic as needed.”

“That’s a very good point, people may recall that he actually backed out of the starter’s role for this run saying his old legs wouldn’t be able to handle starting for this long of an event. However I’m sure the veteran has enough in the tank for a spot start here. I think the team will be fine. How about you Dana? What is your pick for this one?”

“Wrecker is currently last in the group with only one point so Tynelia should be able to win this one even though they are on the road. At home the team struggled some only winning by a 1-0 score. I think it’ll be different this time as many of the reserves will be going all out in an effort to get more playing time or increase their chances to be chosen for the WC31 team. I think Tynelia should come out on top by a 3-1 score as Wrecker has been allowing an average of three goals a match while I think the new defense might slip up and give up an early goal to Wrecker.”

“And how about the big one, at least as far as Tynelia’s chances go. Starblaydia at home against Bettia who they beat on the road 2-0 the first time around.”

“Well Mike you can’t go wrong siding with the number one team in the world, playing at home no less. So that’s what I’m going to do here. I think Bettia’s offense will do better but I see Starblaydia coming out with a 3-1 win. Both teams have stellar defenses but Starblaydia’s home field advantage should power them to a good offensive showing as they’ve already put up a pair of goals in Bettia so they should be able to better that at home.”

“Well that would be good news for Tynelia Dana, we really need Bettia to lose to Starblaydia which, coupled with a Tynelian win would draw us back even with them going into our head to head match. But first off TSW will be showing the still extremely important match with Wrecker as Tynelia hopes to move into a tie on points with Bettia with a win here and a Starblaydia victory in their match. Naturally we’ll be here afterwards to catch everyone up on what happned in the big matchup between the top two seeds. Until then I’m Mike McPhee for Dana Lee and Tynelian Soccer Weekly, have a good night everyone.”

Az-cz Scroll
August 29, 2006
Anathematic Republics
Il-Lur

Everything goes to Hell

Once again the Anathematic republics is involved in a horrible day for Az-cz football. I'm pretty certain everyone associated with the Gnomes never wants to see them again.
The first bad sign was when the whole team got food poisoning on the flight over. There was no explanation for how such a thing could have happened, but some suspect foul play.
This meant that the lineup would have to be juggled based on who was most recovered. The starting lineup ended up being Ox-Rx as a lone striker, Kn-Dg and Ip-Gp on the wings, If-Wt and Pizelkaxrovsky in the middle, and Hubertino in the back of the midfield, with Ns-Ta, Nerazzuri, Kz-Kz, and At-Zm in the back line and Fr-Tld starting in goal.
From the early moments of the game it was clear that the Az-cz team was not going to be able to come up with a result in this game. Taking there already weak state, the constant fouling of Anathematic Republics, and the passive play because of the mixture of the first two and it was never going to end well.
Amazingly however the defense was pretty good at the start of the game. They managed to hold Anathematics off the board for 34 minutes before allowing the opener. They then proceeded to finish off the half without giving up another goal.
In the second half Levesque made some changes. At-Zm was clearly gassed so he brought on Lur-Mn for him. This actually helped Az-cz get there best chances of the game. Pizelkaxrovsky and Lur-Mn nearly hooked up for a goal but Lur-Mn put it straight off an upright to be denied.
Az-cz looked good for about the first fifteen minutes of the second half, but then the wheels just came off. They didn't have the pace to stop Anathematic Republics and the goals game quick and furiously.
When all was said and done Anathematics had pushed the scoreline to 4-0. There was nothing good that happened for Az-cz here and the quicker they can forget about it the better.
The next match is against Nebuleux. This match is absolutely critical. With the two teams currently even on points, but with Nebuleux having an easier remaining schedule, it's absolutely necessary for Az-cz to find at least a draw here.

Stats
Goals Az-cz 0 Anathematic Republics 4
Az-cz Scorers
Possession Az-cz 48% Anathematic Republics 52%
Shots Az-cz 3 Anathematic Republics 13
Corners Az-cz 0 Anathematic Republics 0

Sharks Beat Maggots, Unbeaten Streak to 6

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team coontiuned their impressive qualifying run with a 2-0 win over Ten Thousand Maggots. The game got off to a very slow start with only 3 shots in the first half. Early in the second half Jon Fields took a shot from outside the box and it found it's way in. Then in the 81st minute Mike Martin scored his first of the qualfying rounds. Other Group 10 scores were; Hockey Canada drilled Demot 4-0, Bostopia beat fellow bottom feeder Palixia 3-1, and The Archregimancy defeated Giant Zucchini 2-0. In most likely Quakmybush's most important game, they will take one Hockey Canada, a win would distance them from Hockey Canada, and a loss would bump Quakmybush to third.

Group 10 Table

Team GP W T L PTS GF GA GD
The Archregimancy 9 7 1 1 22 22 7 15
Quakmybush 9 6 2 1 20 17 9 8
Hockey Canada 9 5 3 1 18 19 5 14
Giant Zucchini 9 4 1 4 13 17 15 2
Demot 9 3 2 4 11 17 14 3
Bostopia 9 2 2 5 8 15 22 -7
Ten Thousand Maggots 9 1 2 6 5 8 25 -17
Palixia 9 0 3 6 3 4 22 -18

Schedule

Bostopia W 4-0
at Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-1
at Hockey Canada L 4-0
Giant Zucchini W 2-0
Palixia D 0-0
The Archregimancy D 1-1
at Demot W 3-1
at Bostopia W 3-2
Ten Thousand Maggots W 2-0
Hockey Canada
at Giant Zucchini
at Palixia
at The Archregimancy
Demot


Goal Scorers

Jon Fields 8
Cory Sorley 3
Jorge Valez 1
Greg Hughes 1
Andrew Plett 1
Mike Martin 1
Chris Bricking 1
Darrel Ralegigh 1

MC: I regret to inform you that today's post game press conference has been cancelled. None of the players or coaches are feeling healthy enough to give a press conference today.

OOC: In it's place........

Zazl-Dap: Ugl-Df, Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Ugl-Df: I think so Ugl-Df, but how are we going to get Jn-Jihyn to stick her head in a bathtub full of jello?

Zazl-Dap: No blabber for brains, how to get revenge on these scum from Anathematic Republics for what they did to our football heroes.
Somebody get me on a boat to Miceland. I think these punks from Anathematic Republics need to be dealt with. I think the only thing they respond to is violence. So I'll give it to them. Let's see how this Beelzebub character likes a dagger through his back.

Ugl-Df: But what are you going to do in Miceland Zazl-Dap? Do you really think cricket curry will slow them down.

Zazl-Dap: Argh, your missing the point entirely. Let's just get on the boat. I'll explain it later.

SPAAM SPORTS WEEKLY
NationStates' Most Sui Generis Sports Publication

Waffles Stay In The Hunt

A much needed win and some results going their way have seen the Waffles
just one win off qualifying, though their next game against Krytenia could ruin
all that. It was a tough match, with both teams contesting the ball heavily in
the first half, and very few chances. There were a number of corners for
both sides, but it wasn't till just before half time that one was converted.
Gorran Chegwidden managed to send the ball into the middle of the pack, but
it was not cleared, and Howel Nepean eventually sank it past the Longhorns'
Jason Aragon.

Buoyed by a one goal lead going into the second half, their confidence was
hit not long after, when the Longhorns' Ashlen T'lail made a perfect shot on
goal, that Feoca Arthur could not save. With the game back to even, the
ball was again heavily contested, though the Waffles started to pull ahead in
possession with the Longhorns tiring more. It wasn't until the 78th minute,
that Tehta Trevelyan managed to send Spaam ahead again, with a messy but
effective goal. Both teams tried for further additions to the score, but in the
end, it was the Waffles' day at home, winning two one.

Spaam 2 - 1 Risa-Aramour
(19 Nepean 44; 1 Trevelyan 78) (20 T'lail 49)

Results

Group Five
Eseck 3 - 2 Peturbed Lepoard
Krytenia 3 - 1 Vuam and Isma
Tocapa 2 - 2 Rorysville

In other matches, Eseck just managed to close out Peturbed Lepoard, while
Krytenia continued their unbeaten run against Vuam and Isma, and Tocapa
surprised by keeping Rorysville to a two all draw. Krytenia is of course on
top, and now has a healthy five point buffer. Rorysville's draw still kept them
in second, but Spaam is now just a win behind in third. Risa-Aramour is just a
further point behind on sixteen, but they are not looking good compared to
the top three, while Vuam and Isma is stuck in the middle in fifth. Eseck now
has a four point buffer ahead of Tocapa and Peturbed Lepoard, who are tied
for the wooden spoon.

Group One
Spaamanian Plijous 0 - 2 Chicanada
Errinundera 1 - 2 Liverpool England

Group Ten
Quakmybush 2 - 0 Ten Thousand Maggots

The Gulls had a tragic two goal loss at home, while Errinundera put up a brave
fight as they went down by one to former world champs Liverpool England.
Spaamanian Plijous have now slipped down to fourth position, and are four
points off qualifying, while Errinundera is fifth, but seven points behind the
Gulls. And the Drakcorp Quakmybush Sharks easily overcame Ten Thousand
Maggots, to keep their qualifying spot, two points ahead of Hockey Canadia,
and two points behind the Archregimancy.

Next Week

Spaam face their most important match next week when they host Krytenia.
They only lost by one goal last time, and they need a win to have a chance
to qualify; a loss could see them out. Tocapa will face Eseck in another
wooden spoon battle, while Vuam and Isma will host Risa-Aramour in a must
win match for both teams. And Rorysville will look to bounce back from their
surprise draw by taking on goal-struggling Peturbed Lepoard.

In other matches, Liverpool England face Chicanada in the game before
Spaam's, which should see overwhelming Englader support, as the Gulls need
Chicanada to lose in order to qualify. Spaamanian Plijous meanwhile will be
travelling to Errinundera in what should be an entertaining match, while
Quakmybush will show their qualification credentials when head to Hockey
Canadia.

Table

Nation W D L GF GA GD P G%
Krytenia 8 1 0 30 6 24 25 83
Rorysville 6 2 1 21 9 12 20 70
Spaam 5 2 2 22 9 13 17 71
Risa-Aramour 5 1 3 18 16 2 16 53
Vuam and Isma 3 2 4 13 13 0 11 50
Eseck 2 1 6 8 26 -18 7 24
Tocapa 0 3 6 10 24 -14 3 29
Peturbed Lepoard 1 0 8 4 23 -19 3 15

Goal Scorers

1 Tehta Trevelyan 9
4 Crewenna Roskelly 5
14 Mar'h Menadue 3
20 Eseld Retallack 2
7 Jenifer Uren 1
2 Gorran Chegwidden 1
19 Howel Nepean 1

History

1 Spaam 4-0 Rorysville
2 Risa-Aramour 2-2 Spaam
3 Krytenia 1-0 Spaam
4 Tocapa 0-2 Spaam
5 Spaam 6-0 Eseck
6 Spaam 2-0 Peturbed Lepoard
7 Vuam and Isma 2-2 Spaam
8 Rorysville 3-2 Spaam
9 Spaam 2-1 Risa-Aramour
10 Spaam ?-? Krytenia
11 Spaam ?-? Tocapa
12 Eseck ?-? Spaam
13 Peturbed Lepoard ?-? Spaam
14 Spaam ?-? Vuam and Isma

“The Hostage” by Harold Wenter. Act IV, Scene 2.
Scene: boxroom. Branston is seated, tied to a wooden chair. Velikov is walking around the room, twirling a cosh, occasionally sitting on his swivel chair. There is a desk with some papers and a videocamera.

Velikov: You know they played today?
Branston: Who?
Velikov: Wentland.
Branston: Oh.

[pause]

Velikov: World Cup Thirty.
Branston: I know.

[pause]

Velikov: My team did well.
Branston: Good.
Velikov: They scored nine. Isn’t that good?
Branston (flatly): Terrific.
Velikov: I think that’s a record. Do you know what the record is?

[pause]

Branston: No.

[pause]

Velikov: Some teams are nearly qualified. Liverpool England have a big lead.
Branston: Good for them.
Velikov: Other groups are very, very close. VERY close.
Branston: Oh.

[pause]

Velikov: You want to know the closest group?
Branston: No.

[pause]

Velikov: It’s group 8.
Branston: Oh.

[pause]

Velikov: There is a big divide. A BIIIIG divide. Bigger than that between rich and poor.
Branston: Good.
Velikov: The top teams are on lots of points. The fourth team is on 21. The fifth is on 9. Big gap, no?

[pause]

Branston: So we won then?

[pause]

Velikov: Yes, pigdog, you won. But you won’t qualify. Because you are now fourth.

[pause]

Branston: So what? We’ll win the Cup of Harmony.

[pause]

Velikov: You want to know how you won?
Branston: What’s to know? Same as ever. Bound to be a Cooper header from a Kent cross. And bound to be a Barnes goal.

[pause]

Velikov: Who told you?

[pause]

Branston: You did. When you paused. Just now.

[Velikov strikes Branston across the face with the cosh. Branston collapses to the floor.]

Boyars 4 Cats 0

Another massacre by the Boyars to day in Magnus Valerius, which lacked the violence of the last match, but tried its best! A fight in the 33rd minute between the Boyars and Cats left several players with a broken nose and sent Lexitonian reserve Terrence Miles to the hospital with a shattered jaw and nose. The fight came after a hard sliding tackle by Eric Bennet on a Valerian player. After a small crowd of players crowded around and the referee awarded Bennet with a yellow, Bennet taunded a Valerian player about only getting a yellow, and was promtly slugged. The ensuing brawl lasted 15 minutes and was finally stopped by Valerian riot police brandishing mace and batons. The rest of the match was a slugging given curtesey of the Boyars and their offence and our awful defence. Coach Getty's was quoted this after the match "Well we might as well be a +5 offensively because thats how we play D!." Tomorrow its New Montreal States for the 'Cats. NMS has dissapointed and is currently 3rd in group 12, still on track to qualify, but barely. This should be an interesting match.

Goal Scorers
Total of 13
T. Griggs 7
T. Trudeau 3
W. Belue 1
B. Gillespie 1
R. Mitchell 1

The Interdimensional portal had a number of hoses, cords, and other much more unexplainable connections running from it, through a blast shield, to the large bank of computers that were carrying all sorts of calculations and running coolant valve servos and whatnot.

In the middle of it all, Hill was yelling loudly, wearing a helmet and screaming at every tech that walked by to go and get something ready, irregardless of whether they had an actual job or not.

It took a good thirty minutes of warming up and screaming before everything was ready. A few spotlights were turned on and aimed at the portal. Someone closed the door.

"It's ready, Ma'am. We have the target programmed in." someone said, staring at a computer screen as more people moved to cower behind blast shields.

"Good. Press the button." Hill said, standing confidently in the middle of the room, wearing her helmet and safety goggles.

"Maybe you want to move b-"

"Press the damn button!"

The tech lifted the clear plastic case and smacked the green button. The lights flickered a few times. From the machine, a quiet whirring noise started building. Hill stood there for a second before diving behind a shield herself. "Man, this seemed like a much better idea during the planning stages."

The first hint that something was wrong when a cryogenic coolant line busted free. The room started to fill with smoke and the smell of frying circuts before the whole thing detonated, blowing the lab door out of it's frame and against the ball.

The team staggered out of the room after, looking like they had spent a twelve-hour shift in a coal mine. Leaning against the wall, they took some deep breaths until Hill walked out. She stood in front of the door as the fire alarm went off and a sprinkler began to hit her in the face. Tilting her head to the side, she took off her helmet and tosses it back in the lab.

"Keep up the good work, guys. That was only about half as big as last time."

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-Moon-News-Today

Sports Section

No we're not lying

While that may not sound like a headline after ya'll realize that Milchama is 8-0-0 then you all will understand. That is right we are now one of 3 teams with unblemished records (Squornshelous tied) and don't look like letting up any time soon. Our unfortunate opponent today was Alif Liim Maam. We beat them 2-1 after goals from Barrett M. Lonnen and Spot Nielson who showed why he should remain a starter after an inspired performance. Coach Smith clearly talked to him. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We played well today, again we let them score early but that didn't matter as we knotted it up by the end of the first half and just flat out dominated in the second half. I'm happy about how we played."

As the game ended late and we're not going to make our printing deadline that is all we have today.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Lonnen 35, Nielson 70)
Alif Laam Miim 1 (Alif 12)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Team's tank strategy was in use today as they played a brilliant second half to tie against Qasox 1-1.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Spot Nielson was brilliant throughout the match. He played inspired and impassioned football. He has been underperforming for much of the past two cups but there was none of that today as he played up to his potential and really dominated. His play inspired the others on the team to get that first goal and he was rewarded for his efforts with a goal of his own. He probably could of had two if the goalie had not made a spectacular save. If he continues to play like this then Joseph will probably be riding the bench a lot more.

Back in Bazalonia, far away from the less boring than expected 0-0 draw between Dance 2 Revolution and the Bazalopes, Tropical Storm was still heading for Fauxhan. Despite loosing some of it's Tropicality. Petros seamed to have linked up with another weather system. The System kept dragging it towards Fauxhan and the Victorland coast. Landfall is to be expected on Matchday 10. Tropical Storm Watches has been placed for the entire North Victorland coast. And Tropical Storm -Force winds are expected soon.

Please remember to stay indoors during any storm and re-inforce windows. Stay listening to radio and TV broadcasts for latest weather updates telling you when it is safe to return outside. We will continue to report on the progress of this system.

For the Match, the team lead out by their captain on the field, the first ten minutes was an impressive display of attacking and defensive football by both sides. Peter Hobble made a foray into the D2R Defense and kicked an almost impossible goal to save. However in an amazing display of acrobatics and reactions the keeper managed to save the goal. While on the other side of the pitch the Dance 2 Revolution Squad managed to fool an attentive Andrew Creek. However Andrew managed a miracolous recovery and thrawted an attempt at goal that was almost certain to go in.

After the 16 minutes the score was still 0-0, until apparent sudden waves of fatigue spread throughout the stadium, The players where still on their feet but it seemed only barely. The game slowed right down to a crawl and just as D2R was about to get a goal and take the game 1-0. The half time whistle blew. The second half was really a draw... both teams only made a quarter-hearted (wouldn't even call it a half-hearted) effort and that wound up in a 0-0 score final. Exactly where the waves of exhaustion came from is anyones guess. BSIS, the Bazalonian external intelligence agency is looking into the matter.

Stuart Littlemouse had that dream again, this time however there was more, this Vaij, the love-sick guy, kidnapped Stuart LittleMouse, I mean Ila. She was the daughter of the Cheif of the Anik's. Despite Viaj's love-sickness for her, Ila made it certainly clear that she did not love Viaj and slapped him. A fight ensued between her and Viaj. And it was at this point that Stuart woke up. Not only did he woke up, but he did so like it was a nightmare. Which, well, at the moment it certainly seemed.

"Why these stupid dreams. For once, I'd like a nice sleep."

... Meanwhile, In Toranat. The mice once again showed why they won the 3rd place play off. In a dominating performance over the hosts in which Stuart Little mouse scored a goal. In the 27th minute. Fievel Churchmouse scored a hattrick in the second half of the match 49th, 56th, and 78th minuted. The Tonorat goal was in the 61st minute.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden Throated


"It..... It surely can't be this easy, Fr. John...."

"What? What's easy, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Qualifying for the World Cup..... Remember, we've only in fact qualified in our own right once before - our only other appearance in the finals proper was as co-hosts. Though we did reach the quarterfinals then, before losing to...."

"Hockey Canada, Fr. Nicholas. A nation of militant atheist communists whom we have recently beaten 2-1, God be praised."

"Yes, Fr. John, but while I do not wish to belabour the matter, every other qualification campaign, we've been knocked out on the final day of qualification - a soul-strengthening pattern of monastic football suffering if I've ever seen one. But this time....."

"Things look different, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Indeed they do, Fr. John. Not only are we top of the group, but the only match we've dropped was the opener against the militant atheist communists. Where in the past we might have lost matches against tricky middle-ranked opponents such as Quakmybush - or last night's opponents Giant Zucchini - this time....."

"This time we're beating those middle-ranked opponents. I'm sure that you, Fr. Nicholas, like me, was deeply impressed by the lad's controlled performance against Giant Zucchini overnight. Fr. Polycarp really seems to have taken inspired the new-look squad. They were never in danger last night, and the Vegetables looked particularly weak on corners. Fr. Nicholas the Unmercenary scored the first in the 18th minute with a header off a corner, and in the 29th minute, Fr. Gregory the Right Hermit scored in a bizarre freak incident where his corner curled straight in without being touched by the opposition. 2-0, and that's that."

"But I quite agree that Fr. Polycarp's influence seems to have strengthened the squad's spirit, Fr. John. Let's listen to last night's pre-match speech, which the coach was kind enough to let us record....

"Wherefore, girding up your loins in preparation for this evening's match, serve the Lord in fear and truth, as a team who have forsaken the vain, empty talk and error of the multitude, and believed in Him who raised up our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead, and gave Him glory and a throne at His right hand. To Him all things in heaven and on earth are subject. Him every spirit serves. He comes as the Judge of the living and the dead. His blood will God require of those who do not believe in Him. But He who raised Him up from the dead will raise up us also, and strengthen us against Giant Zucchini if we do His will, and walk in His commandments, and love what He loved, keeping ourselves from all unrighteousness, covetousness, love of money, evil speaking, needlessly conceding penalties, or false witness; not rendering evil for evil, or foul for foul, or tackle for tackle, or cursing for cursing, but being mindful of what the Lord said in His teaching: "Judge not, that ye be not judged; forgive, and it shall be forgiven unto you; be merciful, that ye may obtain mercy; with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again; and once more, "Blessed are the poor, and those that are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of God!"

"Inspiring stuff, Fr. Nicholas."

"Inspiring stuff indeed, Fr. John. And one other thought....."

"Yes?"

"If Hockey Canada get at least a point against Quakmybush, we can afford to lose a match and still top the group."

"Scary stuff, Fr. Nicholas. Somehow all of this success seems, well.... highly unorthodox....."

"Don't worry, Fr. John, it can't last. It never does...."


[OOC: Fr. Polycarp's speech was edited from part II of St. Polycarp of Smyrna's Epistle to the Philippians (probably early 2nd century).]