NationStates Jolt Archive

DAILY CROCODILE

Clone masks given credit for win
"If there's anyone more superstitious than us, it's got to be the people in Rejistania," Bi Kikere said. "But i categorically deny any rumours that we were trying to put the fear of Clone into them."

Controversy swirled with the news that several Tanah Burung midfielders donned expressionless paper masks late in the match against the Orange-Blues. Tanah Burung no longer uses Dessicated Clones in its starting line-up, but has reserved the right to use them as substitutes. That was enough to terrify several Orange-Blue players, and some of the Crocs are said to have taken advantage in the second half by pretending to be Clones.

"Never happened," said Bi Kikere. "I also deny any accusation that my players howled ghosltly noises or said: Fear me, i have two souls!" The coach would add only that her team will "do what it takes to win, dammit."

Prophecy of Gil fulfilled
The news passed like a ripple through the fans. Gil Lemson was doing a Wordl Cup broadcast. The late Gil Lemson. The Gil Lemson killed years ago in a mysterious accident.

Gil 'as died.

But there it was. Gil was broadcasting. Live. On the radio. And He had already made errors of fact. That was unmistakably Gil.

Gil 'as risen

Acolytes from the 24-Hour Church of Gil could hardly beleive their good fortune. The church was heavily leveraged on a speculative bet that Commerce Heights would win the World Cup, something that was not looking like a good investment right about now. But even larger sums of money had been gambled on the second coming of Gil. And it looked like that bet was about to pay off, big time. Not to mention what this would do for church attendance.

Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque!

The robed and insane monks of the 24-hour Church were shouting the prophecy in an apotheosis of ecstatic glee. Gil! Risen! Alleluyah, and pass the collection plate!

No wonder the curse of Lemmitania was lifted. Gil's benevolent energies were obviously at work. Or else someone had been bribed.

The Blessing of Lemmsburgh?
In Lemmsburgh's Shattered Stadium, the Crocodiles were facing their most important World Cup challenge: Nikea, one of the top seeds in Group G. There were a few players left who remembered playing a young Nikean team quite a long time ago. That team was new to international football, and went down to defeat at the hands of the then-mighty Crocodiles.

Things were considerably different now. Nikea was up, continuing the impressive arc they had begun at the first Cup of Harmony (then called the Frosty invitational) and parlayed into a record as a World Cup power. Tanah Burung was down, having scraped into the World Cup through third-place playoff.

Crocs fans were wild with enthusiasm. "Evisceratithil them!" they chanted. "No more Mr. Nikea Guy!" A few fans were confused ("Beat them Moose!" Down with Snub Nose 35!") but most seemed pretty familiar with the challenge ahead for the Crocs.

So did the players, who stayed in a disciplined 4-4-2 formation, waiting for an opening. One came in the 34th minute, as Zachary Alkatiri made a long run that stayed just inside the left sideline. His cross to Maria Miskita was good, and the striker (at 22, one fo the few youngsters on this Crocs side) was able to get a touch on it. First blood to Tanah Burung. Which is just how they like it.

(For second half action, see late edition. Or, more likely, Nikea's report.)

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Pair of 3-nil victories put Wonderteam in good standing
Wonderteam sits well in first round standings after opening with two victories in Lemmitania.

By Bill Christmas

LEMMITANIA (BT) -- With momentum swining in favor of the Wonderteam following a 3-nil victory over Gesamkuntswerk, heralding the return of Oglethorpian keeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto, the Oglethorpians were fully ready to take on a talented side from Audioslavia. An Oglethorpian midfield played second fiddle to the defensive prodigy Yamamoto-san, and Torrence Black/Jorge White playing a fine ball up field scoring plenty of goals to seal up the pivotal first round games.

The Wonderteam continued their typical modus operandi in fine form -- a midfield created plenty of chances for Oglethorpia's three forward strikers who proceeded to get past Audioslavia's keeper as easily as Gesamkuntwerk's.

Oglethorpia put one past <Audioslavian-keeper-here-who's-name-could-not-be-retrieved-due-to-shitty-forums> as early as the 9th minute, the Wonderteam maintaning beautiful forward momentum with Jorge White crossing it up to Torrence Black just inside the box. Black would quickly put the ball into the back of the net decisively, Oglethorpia up 1-nil.

Audioslavia would have a chance, but a slight mistep in <Audioslavian-striker-here-who's-name-could-not-be-retrieved-due-to-really-shitty forums>'s run would end in stand in defender Jim Green clearing the ball away with great efficiency. Just before half, Oglethorpia would break out of a midfield stalemate when Jorge White up the side found Kirk Calhoun in center field -- a soaring cross from White was headed in by a diving Calhoun, proving that the aging striker could still make things happen for the Wonderteam. With the 39th minute goal, Oglethorpia would go into the locker room up 2-nil.

Audioslavia displayed an impressive start to the second half, with <Audioslavian-striker's-name-here> barely missing a goal past Yamamoto-san which took an unfortunate bounce off of the corner bar. The resulting corner kick was a wasted effort, with a ball played too close to goal picked off by Yamamoto-san and booted back into the midfield fray.

In the end Audioslavia would only make two real threats on the Oglethorpian goal, and just shy of the 60th, the Wonderteam would put in yet another to seal the deal for good. Jorge White would finally claim a goal of his own when driving down goal saw the striker shoot the gap and place the ball right between <Audioslavian-keeper> and the right corner post.

When all was said and done, Oglethorpia claimed a 3-nil victory over the Audioslavian national side.

"It's a good win for us," said team cptain Fernando Green. "Especially when Audioslavia played so well through qualifying. Must be an off day or somethin' there."

Guy Picciotto has made hint at a relaxed playing style going into the third matchday of the first round, with advancement to the second round all but qualified. "We'll definitely be playing with a lot less pressure, but still plan to go out there and do our best."

---

OOC:

A big apology to Audioslavia for not mentioning any of his player's names -- but the forums were being REALLY difficult, and in mentioning that, the forums will probably quadruple-freakin'-post the above RP. But alas, the apology holds the same. Nay, with 4-14x the strength because of how many times it was doubled/multiplayed/whateveraplyed.

The Green Mile:
Episode 16: Two Flew Into The Eagles Nest

Mr Woo: Welcome to our coverage of the 12th World Cup. Today we are in Davilia Stadium, Maunlik, Kaze Progressa for the Zucchinis first group stage match against The Eagles Nest. With me, through the wonders of modern technology, we have special guests from around the globe, connected to us via satellite. So, who do you fancy to win this match?

Mr Quinn: I think Giant Zucchini will win the game, but I think The Eagles Nest have a real good chance.

Mr Clough: Giant Zucchini, the favourites…if they are the favourites, which they are.

Mr Armfield: They have more ability in the middle of the field in terms of ability.

Mr Woo: What about The Eagles Nest? Do you think they have a chance?

Mr Butcher: The beauty of cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath.

Mr Hill: If they are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.

Mr Hansen: The one thing they have got is spirit, resolve, grit and determination.

Mr Woo: And with that, we start off the match.

3 minutes into the match…

Mr Woo: Urk on the ball, wrong-foots the defender, and sends a perfectly weighted through pass to Phoot, who slams it into the back of the net from an acute angle.

Mr Neal: Now that is defying the laws of gravity.

Mr Woo: And Phoot scores early on to give the Zucchinis the lead. He’s just come back from injury too.

Mr Helm: Yes, he pissed a fatness test.

9 minutes into the match…

Mr Helm: The Eagles Nest is a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.

Mr Woo: Now Urk with the ball. A sublime pass into the area.

Mr Lawrenson: It's like the Sea of Galilee - the two defenders just parted.

Mr Best: Phoot gets the ball inside the box, on the edge of the box and put it away from inside the box.

Mr Charlton: He's a great little player...who scored it again?

Mr England: Phoot unleashed his left foot and it hit the back of the net.

Mr Hamilton: The eiderdown of this 2-0 lead is a lot more comfortable than the blanket of 1-0.

Mr Francis: Poor Nathan Adams. Hasn't had to make a save yet he's let two goals in.

22 minutes into the match…

Mr Pleat: We are now in the middle of the centre of the first half.

Mr Jones: It's The Eagles Nest 0 Giant Zucchini 2, and if that's the way the score stays then you've got to fancy the Zucchinis to win.

Mr Jones: And Urk, quick as a needle…

Mr Tyler: He’s dashing around like a steam roller up front.

Mr Woo: He goes for the shot.

Mr Parry: The shot from Urk was precise but wide.

Mr Jones: Urk is deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them.

Mr Venables: It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target.

46 minutes into the match…

Mr Adamson: The Zucchinis 2-0 up at half time, with two goals in the first half.

Mr Champion: They seem to be in total, if not complete control.

Mr McCoist: Phoot has literally been on fire.

Mr Woo: So, how do you think the second half is going to develop?

Mr Marwood: There's still 45 minutes to go - for both sides, I would guess.

Mr Loughran: I'm sure coach Mr Hurr will want the Zucchinis to go on and score a fourth now - although obviously they'll have to score the third one first.

Mr Woo: Urk has been a dominant figure in the half, assisting both of the goals. What is the essence of his brilliance?

Mr Hill: He has two feet, which a lot of players don't have nowadays.

Mr Houghton: If there's one thing Urk's got, it's pace and determination.

Mr Woo: Do you think The Eagles Nest can launch a comeback?

Mr Tyldesley: If they come back it's a night we'll remember for a long time. But that's a capital if.

Mr Woo: The players are out on the pitch, stay tuned to the second half.

58 minutes into the match…

Mr Woo: The Eagles Nest on the attack, Josh Adams shoots, an easy catch for Oog.

Mr Tyldesley: That shot was going goalboundward.

Mr Richardson: The Eagles Nest player's shot was on target, which is an important aspect of a player’s shot.

65 minutes into the match…

Mr Woo: Poom to Kerrnigit, Kerrnigit to Urk, Urk finds Phoot, Phoot to Kerrnigit…

Mr King: Lovely little simple intricate passes.

Mr Woo: Kerrnigit crosses into the box, Urk rises to head it.

Mr Rae: It's headed away by Leonard Holst, using his head.

Mr Hamilton: Holst rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.

Mr Woo: Holst collided into Urk with that header.

Mr Green: Urk is writhing around all over the place as if he were dead.

Mr Woo: Yew Sei Biu has come off the bench and is warming up by the touchline.

Mr Graham: Yew Sei Biu really has a man’s body on a teenager’s head.

Mr Tyldesley: He is the man who has been brought on to replace Urk. The irreplaceable Urk.

Mr Perrie: Giant Zucchini player Urk has limped off with a badly cut forehead.

93 minutes into the match

Mr McNamara: The Zucchinis are doing all they can here to waste every last inch of time in this game.

Mr Helm: Real possession football, this. And Gung's lost it.

Mr Butler: Secour goes forward as The Eagles Nest throw their last trump card into the fire, she sends an inch perfect pass to no one in particular.

Mr Greenwood: They've missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in shame.

Mr Davies: A peep, peep, peep, another peep, and that's it.

Mr Woo: The Zucchinis securing a 2-0 win over The Eagles Nest in their first match of the World Cup. However, more worrying is the loss of Urk, who is doubtful for the next match against Halfassedstates. Do join us for our coverage of the World Cup. Until then, goodbye.

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush
Survivor Sucks (http://pub207.ezboard.com/bsurvivorsucks)
Halfassedstates’ Nickname Search
Dave Barry: A Good Name for a Rock Band? (http://www.davebarry.com/rockbandlist.html)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Niall Quinn
Brian Clough
Jimmy Armfield
Terry Butcher
Jimmy Hill
Alan Hansen
Harry Neal
John Helm
Mark Lawrenson
George Best
Jack Charlton
Mike England
George Hamilton
Trevor Francis
David Pleat
Peter Jones
Ron Jones
Martin Tyler
Alan Parry
Terry Venables
Tony Adamson
Jon Champion
Ally McCoist
Brian Marwood
Angus Loughran
Ray Houghton
Clive Tyldesley
Damien Richardson
Noel King
Derek Rae
Alan Green
George Graham
Tom Perrie
Conor McNamara
Bryon Butler
Ron Greenwood
Barry Davies

The world Cup Update - Quick Update on Group E

Liverpool England

Matches:
Total n Utter Insanity (Offshore Arena) Drawn 0-0
The Belmore Family (National Stadium) Drawn 1-1 (Scorer: Dominic Dirosa 43)
Timway not yet played

Fast Fact: The other three teams in Group E all have names starting with the letter 'T', which rhymes with the group letter 'E'

ASNN - Pair of Last Minute Victories Put Stars in Group Lead

QUARA, KAZE PROGRESSA - The goal fest with Oddslavo yesterday higlighted an important issue with the Stars: their defense had not been terribly brilliant. With the departure of stalwart Jeffrey Mckay was truly shocking move, especially for Manager Mackintosh, who had been known to dislike big moves.

But today, the newly revamped defense showed it's potential, as it never wilted once under the massive offensive pressure displayed today by opponent Kaze Progressa. The game opened with a bad pass by Quentin Mckeehan to a Progressan forward, who danced in on the defense, only to be stopped by stalwart Lester Preston.

This insane pressure continued throughout the game, with the Stars managing only ten minutes of ball possession in the first half. But the second half was much different. The Stars opened up with a massive burst of power from the fullbacks and midfielders, driving the Progressan defense back to the goalline. This pressure continued through the second half, with the game getting incredibly physical.

Three fights nearly broke out after close foul calls by the referees, who red carded 2 players from each team (Kellen Asten & Orlando Rose). In the third minute of extra time, captain Mark Jeremy and Jasper Graham took one last run at the net. Both physically exhausted, they played their hearts out, with Graham tapping a beautiful pass to Jeremy, who jumped over the desparate Progressan defender to head it in and give the stars the game.

TLC Stars 1 - 0 Kaze Progressa
Jeremy (93)

'Game of the day' theme fades .....

Gary Luniker: Hello folks, welcome once again to the joyous event that is the World Cup. With me in the studio tonight is former Halfassed legend Ree King. Hello Ree

RK: Hello Gary, great to be here in KP.

GL: It is indeed Ree. So what do you make of the WC so far?

RK: Well unsurprisingly, this evenings opponents GZ got off to a good start against the Eagles Nest. They looked every bit one of the top teams in the world, and TEN just weren't able to cope.

GL: Do you think the loss of Urk will affect GZ in this match up?

RK: Well, losing your star striker is always a blow, especially if it is the greatest striker of all time, but as I said, the Zucchinis are one of the very best sides in the world, it will still be a difficult game for the Halfassed side!

GL: Especially when you look at how Halfassed performed in the first game. A 3-0 lead at the break - they should have walked off with all the points shouldn't they?

RK: Without a doubt, Sherwood scored a cracking opener *cuts to clip of the goals*, while Ducks thumped home a brilliant free-kick, and then 5 minutes before the break, Gregg rattled in the third! From there it should have been a piece of cake!

GL: Does Smith's decision to sub Ducks and Sherwood pile further pressure on his role has coach?

RK: Well, Sherwood is not long back from injury, so I feel that was always part of the plan to try and make an early impression before resting the star! The Ducks move was a surprise. She has been the linchpin of this defence throughout the campaign! Unless she had a niggling injury and had to be replaced, it doesn't make much sense.

GL: Well shes back for this game, so it couldn't have been anything serious!

RK: Indeed!

GL: To be fair though, AR did step up a gear after the break!

RK: they stepped up about 5 gears, but then after the first half, that wasn't hard!

GL: So 2 dropped points for Halfassed then?

RK: You would have to say so, though, the way the game finished, it was almost a point gained!

GL: Chances for this game?

RK: It'll be tight, though if Sherwood can make it through the whole match, Halfassed have a chance. A lot will also depend on how GZ cope without the talisman Urk.

GL: Well, the teams are coming out now, so lets head over to your commentators, John Mutsun and Big Run.

*The screen cuts to the pitch and John's commentary. In the studio, an old tradition is acted out, as Gary reaches under the table and pulls out a 6 pack of Half Hearted Hooch. We leave them to it and head the the nearest bar to watch the game*

i'm back... and it looks like ive got a shitload of RPing to do :shock:

The Audioslavian team bus races away from the Lemsas City Narrowhead Stadium, easily outpacing the Lemmitanian police-bicycles and heading back to Lemvoola for their match against Nastic II

Lee: HAHAHAHA Paul... Paul hey dude where are you?

Paul: im here dude

Lee: wha? where? dude i cant see you for shit

Paul: its all this... this smoke in the way

Nicky sitting in the corner, still fully dressed: that is the last time you hot-box the team bus Lee

Paul: awww but dude, you should have seen the looks on their faces!

Lee: yeah man, lighten up, we took out a load of white rappers, three TnUIans and a teacake salesman, thats the best tally the team has ever had dude!

Nicky: but... you did it naked Lee.. in front of the majority of the population of the world.... Lee.... EVERYONE ON EARTH NOW KNOWS WHAT YOUR BUTT LOOKS LIKE... AND YOU DONT FIND THAT IN ANY WAY DISTRESSING??!?!?

Lee: for them, maybe

Nicky: for fuck sake dude, we've got a game in less than 24 hours against an actual properly good football side, Nikea are gonne wipe the floor with us if we turn up stoned

Paul: and naked

Nicky: shut up Paul

Lee: no they wont

Nicky: are you saying that Nikea won't beat us tommorow if we turn up drunk, stoned, and in our birthday suits?

Lee: thats exactly what i'm saying

Nicky: and how, pray tell, did you work that one out?

Lee: cos we're playing Nastic II, not Nikea

Paul: HAHAHAHAHAHHA

Jack: HAHAHAHAHA cop that Sheep!

Nick: fuck you, and dont call me sheep, my names Nick Shearer

Jack: heh, Sheep Shearer

Paul: HAHAHAHAHHAA

Lee: HAHAHAHAHA

Nicky: Lee...

Lee: yeah?

Nicky: who the fuck put you in charge of Audioslavia's pride and joy?

Lee: what? are you saying i look after the pie factory?

Nicky: no flapjack i mean the football team, this collection of players on this f*ckin' bus you f*ckin' f*ck!

Lee: thats democracy for you, the people voted for me ahead of you didnt they?

Nicky: thats because you based your whole campaign on the fact that you have nicer hair than me for f*ck sake. And what was your main argument for why i shouldnt be the team coach?

Lee: because...

Lee, Paul and Jack reply in a big harmony (4E# to 6B# for all you Avenging Altoists): Your a poopy face

Nicky: exactly.... i dont know why i bother i really dont... and for f*ck sake you lot put some clothes on

Lee: alright alright jesus dude calm down

Nicky sighs and goes back to sleep, the team bus races on back to Lemvoola

TO BE CONTINUED

.....and theres the final whistle, back to you Gary.

GL: Thanks John. Well Ree, quite a game!

RK: Indeed Gary, an amazingly tight first half, much as we expected, Halfassed once again came out all guns blazing but couldn't find a way through the GZ defence, and the one time they did, what a save by Oog at Gregg's feet.

GL: He showed why he one of the best in the world!

*cuts to clip of Soap passing the ball to Sherwood, who threads it though Humm's legs to Gregg, but Oog is quickly off his line to block the attemped shot.*

GL: Only a couple of half chances for GZ.

RK: Both falling to Zonk, Urk's replacement, and I'm sure Jennung in the Halfassed goal was grateful for that.

*shows a clip of Zonk getting ahead of Riddle, but hitting his volley over the bar. Another shows him getting the ball on the edge of the box, but his shot bounces wide of the left hand post.*

GL: Then the second half, full of contraversy.

RK: Yep, Zonk and Riddle again, and the pair get in an almighty tangle just in the box.

GL: I have to admit, I thought it was a spot kick!

RK: I think most of the stadium did, but the ref and the linesman both agreed it was a corner!

*shows a clip of the above incident. Both players in a heap, and seemingly injured*

GL: So Riddle off and Boot on for Halfassed, Zonk off, Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff on for GZ.

RK: Riddle has done ligaments in his ankle, we think Zonk simply got a dead leg from landing on Riddles knee!

GL: Then the second incident, Gregg put through by Perfect, and upended by Aargh.

RK: Just on the D of the penalty box, Aargh covering across clips Greggs ankle and down he goes!

GL: How did he avoid getting sent off?

RK: I'll never know!

*Show the above, Aargh the last man brings down Gregg just before he can shoot*

GL: Well at least justice was done!

RK: A great free-kick, much the same as the one against AR. Soap shaped to strike for goal himself, but instead rolls it off to Ducks who thumps it into the corner of the net.

*-come on you know by now! :wink: *

GL: 20 to go and Halfassed have the lead. Did you think they could hold on?

RK: Not really, especially when Phoot hammered thwe cross-bar two minute later.

GL: An uncharacteristic slip from the goal scorer Ducks that let Phoot in.

RK: and uncharacteristicly he let her off by failing to take the chance!

*yep that clip bit again!*

GL: Then Halfassed go up the other end and make it 2

RK: A great move by Sherwood, completely lost his Rentuck team mate Quk and was able to bury the free header when Perfects cross came in!

*show the goal!*

GL: And this time, no mistakes from the defence, Halfassed managing to close the game out!

RK: It makes things very interesting in the group now!

GL: It does, that it does. We'll leave you with the group table after TEN defeated AR by the same 2-0 score in the other group B match to-night

[code:1:08726faf08]
W D L GF GA GD PTS
Halfassedstates 1 1 0 5 3 2 4
The Eagles Nest 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Giant Zucchini 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Antaeus Rising 0 1 1 3 5 0 1


[/code:1:08726faf08]

Lee, Paul and Jack reply in a big harmony (4E# to 6B# for all you Avenging Altoists): Your a poopy face

OOC:

AS has found a new way to godmod! His (MALE) players can sing three octaves up from middle C!

IC post coming soon when I can get over the fact I'm 0-0-2 in my home Cup... and I thought I'd fixed my way to the final :D (j/k)

Lee, Paul and Jack reply in a big harmony (4E# to 6B# for all you Avenging Altoists): Your a poopy face

OOC:

AS has found a new way to godmod! His (MALE) players can sing three octaves up from middle C!

IC post coming soon when I can get over the fact I'm 0-0-2 in my home Cup... and I thought I'd fixed my way to the final :D (j/k)

I believe that all I need to say in response to this post is... :lol: :lol: :lol:

BSTV Sports Today
with Joey Stanton
Live from Narrowhead Stadium, Lemsas City

Joey: Good afternoon, everybody. It's a sunny day here in Lemsas City, Lemmitania, and it's a sunny day in football as well, as the Flying Belmores have flown away from the Lions once again. With me here to discuss the game is Mike Thomas, Bedistan Lions defender in World Cups 5 through 9 with an impressive sixty-seven caps. Welcome to the show, Mike.

Mike: Good to be here.

Joey: You played in the glory days of Bedistani football, during the two decades in which we went from a brand-new unknown nation to one of the top five footballing empires in the world. After you left, things started going downhill. Do you think this year's team has what it takes to get back up to the top?

Mike: Well, I sincerely doubt that my leaving after WC9 caused the team to fall. But yes, we have seen better days, as Saturday's match against Squornshelous showed. I think we do have the momentum, though, to at least get to the second round again, and maybe to the quarterfinals.

Joey: Well, the team's chances of doing so were greatly helped today with a 2-0 win over Belmorian Scandinavia.

Mike: Indeed. And it was the defensive line that won the match today -- Segawa, Hockensmith, Kucharski, and Saravia. They seemed to be a little out of it against Squornshelous, but they were on top of their game today and that led to the easy victory.

Joey: And Tyrone Hockensmith helped out in more ways than one.

Mike: That's true. 32nd minute, Belmorian keeper concedes a corner. Heidelberg sends it to the edge of the box, Hockensmith was up there for some unknown reason, but his header was true and he lit up the scoreboard.

Joey: And then in the second half, it was Darren Morlock with one of his classic curving fifteen-yarders to seal the match.

Mike: The defense and offense both looked good in this game. We can only pray that that holds true against Lemmitania over at Lemco City.

Joey: Right. And speaking of Lemmitania at Lemco City, they're just about to kick off against Squornshelous. Our very own Amanda Butt is on the scene, and she'll be giving us constant updates. We should be hoping for a Lemmitanian win there today, as it'll be easier to get past Squornshelous in the table than the Lemmings. Speaking of the table, let's have a look at it...

[code:1:4719d2b009]GROUP H P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Bedistan 2 1 0 1 3 2 +1 3
Squornshelous 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Belmorian Scandinavia 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0[/code:1:4719d2b009]

Mike: If Lemmitania wins, then all we need tomorrow is the same or a better result than Squorn gets against the Belmores, assuming Squorn doesn't lose by six tomorrow or something. If Squornshelous upsets the Lemmings, then we'll probably have to beat Lemmitania tomorrow, which I'm not too sure about. If they draw, that means a win tomorrow would definitely put us in, but if we only draw with the Lemmings, it's almost impossible. A loss to Lemmitania tomorrow would almost surely knock us out, no matter what happens.

Joey: We'll keep you updated. Until then, for Mike Thomas and BSTV, I'm Joey Stanton. Good night, everybody.

------------

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Hockensmith 32, Morlock 57)
Belmorian Scandinavia 0

We creamed Aquilla in the same way they defeated us last cup!

(Sorry could not resist :oops: Here comes the real RP)

Hello, this is Idine Sala from Radio RejisCAST, the only english speaking radio station in entire Rejistania. _We are broadcasting live from the match against Aquilla in the Go Stadium in Lemmitania. This time, Elin Ri is in Lemmitenia to give us the news. Hejida Elin.

Hejida Idine! (Elin Ri has a pleasant voice, but speaks a rejistanian accent, which isn't majuvedian like Idine Sala's. is.)

First question: Why are you reporting this time?

Because anyone else didn't want to. You know that this job can be pretty much stress. The connection breaks down every five....

Elin?.... Ah, I think we have some technical problems over there. Perhaps the connection just broke down... Well, in this case I give you some information about the teams. Aquilla met the Orange-Blues once in the last world cup. That match ended in 1-2 against the Rejis.Aquilla is currently ranked 6th, the Imdila'he's team 10th, I guess we can expect quite an exciting match.

The connection works again. I can give you the rosters of both teams. Again Nana Daki plays in the goal for the Rejistanians, defenders are Seda Kansu, Lyku I Kansu, Kiru Kansu, er, Kansu Kiru and Sanan Kansu.

Quite a lot of Kansus, aren't there?

They are all majuvedian, what do you expect?

I am majuvedian too!

In that case I skip the racist joke, I just wanted to make. In the midfield: Hana Yla from kaletri, Lyku Jaras, Saka Syku and Inik Linkosa.

Why did you say 'from kaletri'?

You don't remember the Hana Yla from Karela, do you? In the world cup 9, he played for the Orange-Blues.

I know, but every city has a team called 'kaletri'.

There is just one true kaletri and that is KaMaRi kaletri!

I won't start arguing about which domestic team is the one true 'kaletri'. but since also suijen Relek from sike kaletri is on the roster, is was a bit ambigous. Well, who are the forwards? Su'he and Y'he?

Yes, Hexen Imdila selected Xese and DaJaNil to score the goals for the Orange-Blues. Now for the akvillan, or as SyLy says: akilan, roster: ... we have technical problems. I can't access the page on which it is on.

How can't you access the page what happens?

Either the connection times simply out, or if not, I get a 404 error - 'This page cannot be displayed'. I'll just say the players numbers instead of the names.

Hey, finally someone, who knows how to improvise! Here at RejisCAST you need to know it.

Hehe, I just realized. Now the national anthems are played. First the one of Aquilla:
(rather strange music is heard, well music isn't the right word, a cacophony of sounds, which is only about thrity seconds long.)

I guess we're not used to that kind of music. Now, 'Rejistanha tani ligat', the rejistanian anthem.
(The rejistanian anthem is heard, as well as the fans, who chant the 'alternative' lyrics to the text. The competition-style-anthem, so to say. at one part, the text, chanted by the fans is bleeped out. After the anthem, the sound is again bleeped out)

Sorry, the codex of radio RejisCAST doesn't allow the usage of such words like JuMeh, the orange-blue hedgeho just used. Now the match starts, kickoff for Aquillan number 4...
(at taht time, the connection finally broke down. The score: Rejistania 2 (Su 43rd, Y 67th), Aquilla 1 (<player> 20th))

double posts are double fun!

Group stage match day 2 results and tables have been posted. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2865533#2865533)

Day 3 results will be TGed later this evening, after I've finished writing the Lem/Squorn match day 2 RP.

<OOC>Apologies to Squornshelous if he posted a roster. I'm too tired to go searching the crappy forums for it right now. I'll edit names as appropriate at some later point,</OOC>

Live from Lemco City, this is Clem Gilson, the Voice of the Lemmings, bringing you the twelfth World Cup of football on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, your Lemmitania Lemmings take on Squornshelous in the second match of the group stage, and it promises to be a great game. The Lemmings won their opener against Scalan Belmore and his Flying Scandinavians, so a win tonight would likely put them through to the second round. We’re thirty minutes from kickoff, and joining me in the booth are your commentators for tonight’s match, Lana Maelstrom and Gil Lemson. Gil, Lana, welcome to the broadcast.

Gil: Thanks Clem, glad to be ‘ere.

Lana: Always a pleasure, Clem.

Clem: Also joining us for the pre-match discussion is a young man who needs no introduction-- fresh from a great performance in his international debut with the Runaway Moose national side, Optimus Moz!

Optimus: You don’t have to be an asshole, man.

Gil: Don’t sass your elders, boy!

Optimus: Ow!

Lana: Don’t ‘it your kid, Gil.

Gil: I di’n’t ‘it ‘im. I jus’ smacked ‘im in the back of the ‘ead a li’le.

Clem: I didn’t mean to be an asshole, kid. I was just introducing you.

Optimus: ‘A great performance with Runaway Moose?’ What kind of stupid BS is that?

Clem: You did very well. And anyway, I was being polite.

Optimus: Stuff being polite. I believe in plain-speaking. If you wanna talk to me, don’t sugar-coat it.

Clem: Fair enough.

Lana: You oughta apologize to Clem for callin’ ‘im an ass’ole, Optimus.

Optimus: I’ll think about it.

Clem: So your mom’s the famous MOZ. All those years we speculated on who your mother might be, I don’t think it ever really occurred to me it’d be her.

Optimus: Yeah? How come?

Clem: Well, MOZ could have had any man she wanted...

Optimus: Okay, well, I see your point on that one.

Gil: Wot?

Optimus: I think mom likes dad’s crazy streak.

Clem: You mean the changing-his-name-to-evade-prosecution kind of thing?

Gil: I never did that!

Clem: Okay, then the changing-his-name-to-sue-his-friends stuff.

Optimus: She warned him that’d end in tears.

Lana: So did I.

Clem: And lo and behold, the women were right. Who would ever have expected?

Optimus: Anyone in their right mind.

Clem: Exactly my point.

Optimus: Yeah, well, you’re no worse off than you were back before you had the Dean title.

Clem: In what sense?

Optimus: You got the title, you made some money, you lost the title, you lost the money.

Clem: Okay, two points here, kid. In case you were living in a hole the last few years and missed this part. One: we were ordered to pay Shemp every freakin’ lemming we ever made off the title. Including devaluation and money spent on perishables and money given away or just plain unrecoverable, Gil and I both ended up several million lemmings in the red. Two: I’m pushing seventy here. Nobody’s lining up at my door to give me a whole new set of endorsement contracts or anything. I’m basically gonna be paying off Shemp’s estate until I die, and then they’ll repossess everything I’ve got.

Optimus: It could be worse. At least you don’t have an heir.

Clem: True. It must be hard on you, too.

Optimus: Oh, it’s not so bad. Before they got married, mom made him sign some sort of agreement that keeps their assets completely separate. We’ll never be broke.

Gil: An’ lucky for me, too. Moz’s money is the only thing keepin’ me in beans.

Clem: Yeah, that just figures. Moz protects you from yourself, so even though it’s all your fault, you end up coming out of it okay.

Gil: Funny ‘ow life is.

Clem: Freaking hilarious.

Lana: Too bad you both got so greedy wit’ the Dean ti’le in the first place. If you ‘adn’t milked it for all it was worth, Shemp couldn’t ‘ave ‘it you for so much moolah.

Clem: That was all his idea.

Lana: You went along with it.

Clem: Yeah, I did.

Gil: Wull, it was fun while it lasted.

Clem: What’s that mean?

Gil: ‘avin’ the ti’le. Bein’ Dean of sports. It was fun while it lasted.

Clem: How would you know?

Gil: Um... because I was Dean of sports once?

Lana: You were never Dean of sports. That was old Gil.

Gil: Oh. Oh, yeh. I was never Dean of sports.

Clem: No, of course not. You were never Dean of sports, and you’re sticking to that.

Gil: Not ‘sticking to that’ per se. It’s just a simple truth.

Clem: There are no simple truths with you.

Gil: All truths are in’erently simple.

Clem: Bullshit.

Gil: They are, when you break ‘em down.

Clem: Yeah? Then explain it so you can understand it, Gil: were you or were you not the Dean of Lemmitanian sports?

Lana: It’s no fair confrontin’ ‘im with a direct question loik that, Clem. You’re jus’ tryin’ to confuse ‘im.

Clem: Hah! He’s the one claiming there are ‘simple truths.’

Gil: Wot are you, a deconstructionist?

Clem: Yes, but that’s not the point.

Optimus: I always knew you thought too much.

Clem: Gil thinks as much as I do. But whereas I ponder the world, Gil schemes and plots.

Optimus: What’s he plot to do? Take over the world?

Clem: No, to get my money.

Optimus: You know, man, it was Gil’s money first. Old Gil, I mean, not dad.

Clem: I know what you mean. And as you’re well aware, old Gil died.

Optimus: But dad was his heir!

Clem: Do you really believe that, kid?

Optimus: Hmm...

Gil: Wot’re you waitin’ for, Opie? Tell ‘im!

Optimus: I’m thinking about it.

Gil: Let this be a lesson to you, Clem. You spend twenny years sweatin’ an’ slavin’ to bring a kid up right, an’ jus’ when you need ‘im ‘e turns on you loik a savage cobra.

Clem: He hasn’t turned on you. He’s thinking about it.

Optimus: And I’m not twenty, dad.

Gil: That was a metaphor.

Optimus: What’s twenty a metaphor for?

Gil: For your right age.

Clem: Eighteen.

Gil: Eighteen, precisely.

Optimus: I think I do believe it, Clem. To change his identity from Gil Lemson to Grant Rockson would have been so fiendishly clever, I don’t think dad could ever have pulled it off.

Gil: ‘ey!

Optimus: It would have taken months of planning, and years of coverup.

Clem: He didn’t plan it, Glick Masterson planned it. And provided most of the coverup.

Optimus: And what’s Glick supposed to have gotten out of it?

Clem: He inherited five percent of Gil’s worth when Gil ‘died.’

Optimus: ...He did?

Clem: You didn’t know that?

Optimus: You never told me that, Dad.

Gil: Oh, well, Glick an’ me were great buddies, you know. Gil’s sort o’ co-proteges.

Clem: But you were the favorite.

Gil: Gil di’n’t play favorites.

Clem: Then why’d you get ninety-five percent of the inheritence to Glick’s five?

Gil: ...I was ‘is favorite.

Optimus: How much was five percent of Gil’s net worth?

Gil: Oh, ‘oo knows?

Clem: Close to two million lemmings.

Optimus: Two million? Bejeezus.

Clem: You know how much I inherited from Gil?

Optimus: I didn’t know you inherited anything.

Clem: And I didn’t.

Optimus: So... Glick got two million and you got nothing?

Clem: That’s right.

Optimus: And dad got thirty-eight million?

Clem: About that.

Optimus: Huh. It sounds like maybe you deserved to grab the title.

Clem: Is that what your dad told you I did?

Optimus: Yeah.

Clem: Well, I guess that’s pretty accurate.

Optimus: Dad, you’ve always told be how brilliant and great and generous Gil was, but it sounds like he was kind of an asshole.

Clem: Not all the time. Often he was a lot of fun to be around.

Lana: But ‘e ‘ad a bigger mouth than brain.

Gil: ‘ey!

Lana: Anyroad, the officials are bringin’ the captains to midfield for the toss, so it’s about time to be sayin’ goodbye to young Optimus. Come back any time, kid.

Gil: Or mebbe stay at ‘ome. Where I’ll be seein’ you later.

Optimus: Yeah, yeah. I apologize for calling you an asshole before, Clem. You’re actually a decent guy.

Clem: Thanks, kid. Say hi to your mom.

Optimus: You know my mom?

Clem: No. We’ve never met. Just being polite.

Optimus: Whatever, then. ‘night, bitches.

Lana: Wot a lovely signoff.

Gil: ‘e gets it from that Audioslavian reporter.

Clem: Jeremy Jaffacakes?

Gil: Right. ‘im. Opie’s always listenin’ to ‘im. An’ that ‘orrid Audioslavian music.

Clem: You like Audioslavian music.

Lana: Did anybody mention thet Squornshelous won the toss? No? Wull, they’ll be kickin’ it off after these important messages.

...

Clem: Welcome back to the second match of World Cup Twelve, as your Lemmitania Lemmings are about to start play against the Squornshelous Zeta. Kicking it off for the Zeta will be Alpha Squornmore, who had a dozen goals during the qualifiers. The official drops his arm, Squornmore passes to Beta Mattress, and we’re under way in Lemco City.

Lana: The Lemmings ‘ave four defenders an’ two defensive midfielders on the field, an’ in their firs’ match, did not surrender a goal. But it’ll be in’erestin’ to see ‘ow the defense fares against the more powerful Zeta offense.

Clem: The Flying Scandinavians weren’t as much of a test, though you don’t reach this level of play if you can’t score goals.

Lana: A few brilliant saves in the opener by Elemtra Walpole, ‘oo can be a flashy ‘keeper but ‘oo isn’t always as consistent as you like.

Gil: Mick Chang jus’ kicked the ball.

Clem: That’s Rick Chang. But Epsilon McSquorn got it back for the Zeta.

Gil: You know wot I ‘eard, Clem? I ‘eard the entire Tanah Burung side is crocodiles this year.

Clem: What? You’re crazy.

Gil: No, I’m sure that’s wot I ‘eard. And wot’s more, they’re not just ordinary crocs.

Clem: The name of the team is the Crocodiles.

Gil: They’re cloned crocs. An’ you know wot that means.

Clem: I have no idea.

Gil: They’ll ‘ave wings.

Clem: Why the hell would they have wings?

Gil: Why would they clone a bunch of crocodiles unless they were gonna improve on ‘em? An’ ‘ow could you improve on a croc excep’ by givin’ it wings?

Clem: You’re insane. Squornmore with the ball on the left side, but solid coverage so far by the Lemmings.

Gil: But-- an’ this is where it gets weird--

Clem: Oh, it’s gonna get weird, is it?

Gil: --apparently, somethin’ went wrong in the clonin’ process. Seems that after a few games, the flyin’ crocs started explodin’ whenever the touched the ball. Loik a bunch of giant crocapiñatas.

Clem: Exploding flying crocodiles, eh?

Gil: Like piñatas stuffed with petrol or somethin’ instead of sugarbombs an’ wotnot.

Clem: Okay, first of all, that’s stupid. And second of all, the name of the team is the Crocodiles. They aren’t actual crocodiles, any more than our team is lemmings. And third--

Lana: Foul! Zoot Limms jus’ knocked Alpha Squornmore flat on ‘er arse!

Clem: That’s a yellow card, inside the box. Now, that was a blatant foul. And Squornmore will be taking a penalty kick with an excellent chance of putting her team ahead early.

Lana: The Lemmings are linin’ up, but I don’t like this. Squornmore’s got great ball control. She’s settin’ to take the kick... Goal!

Clem: Put it just past the line on the right, and somehow angled it into the corner of the net. A nice kick, I have to say.

Lana: Almost as pretty as ‘orace ‘enneman’s penatly las’ night.

Clem: So at six minutes, the Zeta go up one goal to nil. Mickelson’s pulling Limms for the moment, sending Lemardo LaVinci in to play for him.

Lana: LaVinci comes from Lemmaheim, where ‘e set a team record for steals for the Mad Crazy Lemducks las’ season.

Clem: The Mad Crazy Lemducks is the stupidest name for a team that I’ve ever heard in my entire life. The LUFL should never have allowed them to name the team that.

Lana: It’s a little stupid, I’ll grant you. Now, Walloo Lemgarg is gonna kick it off, an’ ‘e passes to ‘orace ‘enneman. The Lemmings lookin’ for an opportunity to equalize now.

Gil: Seems like mebbe they were tryin’ to make dragons, an’ jus’ screwed it up.

Clem: Yet again, Gil, what the hell are you talking about?

Gil: The explodin’ flyin’ crocs. Mebbe the Burungers were tryin’ to make dragons, an’ it didn’t come out quite right. A dragon’s basically jus’ a big fire-breathin’ flyin’ crocodile, after all.

Clem: In a sense.

Gil: Mebbe the flame-breath bladder got attached wrong or somethin’, an’ so when they try to breath fire, instead of makin’ a big fire-breath, they jus’ explode.

Clem: Yeah, maybe. Or maybe there are no flying crocdiles.

Gil: Not no more. They all exploded.

Clem: There never were any flying crocodiles! There were just cloned humans.

Gil: No, no, that can’t be right. You can’t clone ‘umans.

Clem: Of course you can. They’ve been doing it for years.

Gil: But they come out all... wrong. Everybody knows that! No cloning experiment ‘as ever failed to produce evil twins or zombies or somethin’!

Clem: Well, I don’t think that the cloned football players turned out evil, but they did have their problems. They had extremely dry skin and some of them spontaneously combusted, I understand.

Gil: Due to their fire-breathin’ bladders bein’ inverted. Mos’ likely the designers ‘ad the blueprints upside-down when they were installin’ the bloomin’ things.

Clem: You know what? You’re crazy.

Lana: People don’t ‘ave bladders installed in ‘em, Gil.

Gil: They do if they’re cyborgs.

Clem: The Crocodiles aren’t cyborgs! They’re clones! At least, they were. I heard that they retired all the clones because of their health problems.

Gil: The crocodiles aren’t cyborgs? Thank Bejeezus for that. ‘Cause I can only imagine wot ‘avoc flyin’ explodin’ cyborg crocodiles could produce.

Clem: You just go on imagining it, Gil.

...

Clem: So at the half, it’s one-all, on an early penalty kick by Alpha Squornmore and a late goal by Horace Henneman. Now, we were planning to discuss the expansion of the Lemmitanian A-league that’s coming up next season, but Lana’s disappeared from the booth. Do you know where Lana went, Gil?

Gil: Mebbe Maleficus et ‘er.

Clem: Don’t even joke about that. Well, if Lana’s not here, you’ll just have to fill in for her.

Gil: No problem. So they’re expandin’ the A-leagues, are they?

Clem: See, now, you don’t know anything about it. So how can we discuss it?

Gil: You tell me about it an’ I’ll say something in response. It’l be sort o’ like a conversation.

Clem: Fine. Six teams are being added next season, bringing the total to twenty-four, in four divisions.

Gil: Six teams are bein’ added? That’s a ‘ell of a lot.

Clem: Some people think it’s too many to add at once.

Gil: Do they?

Clem: Yes, they do.

Gil: So now, with six teams bein’ added, an’ twenny-four teams bein’ the resultant total, that means that currently there’s... ‘ow many teams?

Clem: Eighteen.

Gil: Eighteen, precisely.

Clem: And of course they’re dropping the ‘A-league’ designation. Relegation’s being discarded.

Gil: Or relegated.

Clem: Or relegated. And with the divisions, there’ll be a whole new playoff system.

Gil: I don’t know if I like all this, Clem. All this change makes me feel frightened an’ suspicious.

Clem: You and a whole lot of football fans.

Gil: I dunno as I’d call meself a football fan. Considerin’ I can’t stand watchin’ the game.

Clem: Yet you’re paid six figures to call them.

Gil: But all this revampin’ of the leagues; couldn’t they ‘ave found a better way?

Clem: Like what?

Gil: I dunno. Somethin’ that involved less revampin’ an’ more keepin’ things the same.

Clem: Why don’t you like the new format?

Gil: ‘ow many divisions did you say there’s gonna be?

Clem: Four.

Gil: That’s too many.

Clem: Why?

Gil: ‘ow the ‘ell can you remember ‘oo’s in which division? You’ll ‘ave to be a mathematical genius to be a football fan.

Clem: That’s stupid.

Gil: Wull, if I’m stupid I guess I won’t be able to watch football anymore ‘cause from now on you’ll ‘ave to be a mathematicall genius to watch football games.

Clem: I didn’t say you’re stupid, I said-- oh, forget it. let’s talk about something else.

Gil: We could talk about that weasel Shemp an’ ‘ow ‘e screwed us over.

Clem: Or we coul talk about how you screwed us over.

Gil: Me? It was never my fault.

Clem: Look, Gil. You can deny the facts all you like. It doesn’t change them.

Gil: As a deconstructionist, I’d think you’d recognize the fallacy in that, Clem.

Clem: I don’t want to talk about Shemp or you or the Dean of sports thing. It makes me too mad.

Gil: Yeh, I know jus’ ‘ow you feel. Shemp’s always made me mad.

Clem: It’s not Shemp. It’s you.

Gil: You’re always blamin’ me! Wot about all the other commentators you’ve been partnered with? ‘ow come you never blame any of them?

Clem: Because none of them ever sued me!

Gil: Excep’ Shemp.

Clem: Except Shemp.

Gil: ‘oo was it ‘oo followed Shemp when ‘e retired?

Clem: In our broadcasts? It was Mel Flanders. That was before your time.

Gil: Of course it was. That’s prolly why I can’t remember it.

Clem: Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason you can’t remember it.

Gil: So you’ve worked every World Cup, right?

Clem: Since World Cup Four, yeah.

Gil: An’ ‘oo all ‘ave you worked with?

Clem: Let’s see. Of course, World Cup Four was Old Gil, and Shemp. And World Cup Five was Old Gil and Mel Flanders, who had been the Lemmings goalkeeper in Three and Four. World Cup Six was Gil and Mel again, and Gil brought in Glick Masterson from Gilmeecia. Then Mel tried to kill Gil on the air, and had to be dragged off. So Glick took over as anchor.

Gil: Good ol’ Glick.

Clem: Right. World Cup Seven started with Glick as anchor, and me and Gil commentating, and then Gil had his ‘accident’ and disappeared. After a couple games, you showed up. You being Grant Rockson.

Gil: I remember that.

Clem: I bet you do. Then World Cup Eight was you, me, Glick, and Lana in her debut as a special reported or something, I think. Nine was you, me, Glick, and Lana. Ten was me, Lana, and Lemmy Atom, who was a striker for the Lemmings in eight and nine. And then last time around it was me, Lana, Lemmy, and the Giant Evil Spider, Maleficus. And that brings us up to date.

Gil: Wow. A lot of different people an’ things ‘ave commentated games ‘ere.

Clem: Well, it’s been a long time.

Gil: You remember that time we got et by Yog-Sothoth?

Clem: That never happened. Oh, Lana, you’re back.

Lana: Sorry, gents. ‘ad some unexpected business to attend to.

Gil: Been eatin’ the chili dogs, ‘ave you?

Lana: Uh, sure.

Gil: Wull, don’t worry about it. We ‘eld down the fort while you were away. Talked about ‘ow they’re expandin’ the A-league to seventy-two teams nex’ year.

Lana: That’s twenty-four teams.

Clem: Yeah, we talked about that. Well, I see the refs are getting ready to start the second half of play, so we’d better break for some important messages while we have the opportunity. You’re listening to live coverage of World Cup Twelve on the Lemmitanian Radio Network.

...

Clem: Coming up on seventy minutes, and we’re stilltied at one goal apiece. The Lemmings would probably be satisfied with a draw, as it’s keep them on top of the group and in good position to advance.

Gil: If only there was some way we could sue Shemp an’ get the ti’le back, all our troubles would be over.

Clem: Well, I guess that’s not going to happen, considering he took it with him to the grave.

Lana: Actually Clem, that ain’t precoisely true.

Clem: No? What, is there some loophole in the legal loophole he used to hang onto it?

Lana: Apparently, there is.

Clem: What are you talking about?

Lana: Well, I di’n’t like to say anythin’ before, but I got a call from me solicitor right before the game.

Gil: Don’t tell us Shemp’s suin’ you, too!?

Clem: Don’t be silly, Shemp’s dead.

Gil: Shemp’ll never be dead enough for me. The weasel.

Clem: What did your lawyer have to say, Lana?

Lana: It seems that Shemp’s ‘perpetuity’ clause ‘ad an exception in it.

Clem: What exception? I’m not sure I like where this is going.

Lana: Seems that ‘e wanted to find a way to write it into ‘is will to stick it to the two of you if the opportunity ever arose.

Clem: Oh, like he hasn’t stuck it to us already? So what was his fiendish idea?

Lana: ‘e wrote it into ‘is will that if you an’ Gil ever got back together to call a World Cup, an’ you ‘ad a partner--

Clem: Don’t tell me.

Gil: Wot? Wot?

Lana: If you two got back together an’ called a World Cup, an’ you ‘ad a third commentator, the third person would automatically become Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Gil: I don’t follow you.

Clem: I do not freaking believe this. Are you freaking kidding me? You’re kidding me, aren’t you? Heh, heh, heh. That was a good one, Lana.

Gil: Wot? Wot?

Lana: I’m afraid I’m not kiddin’ you, Clem. Me solicitor sent over some papers at the ‘alftime break.

Gil: Wot papers? Wot’s goin’ on?

Lana: ‘ere, Gil.

Gil: ...This don’t make no sense, Lana. Clem, this says Lana’s the Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Clem: I don’t freakin’ believe it. That lousy weaselly rat-bastard! Shemp! I swear, if he wasn’t dead I’d frigging kill him!

Gil: ‘ow can Lana be Dean of sports?

Clem: Shemp willed the title to her! Weren’t you listening?!

Gil: Sure I was. I jus’ didn’t follow.

Lana: Sorry, guys.

Clem: Let me see those papers.

Gil: ‘ere.

Lana: Be warned, Clem, you’re not going to like ‘em.

Clem: I already don’t like them.

Lana: It’s gonna get worse.

Clem: How could it get-- Holy crap! Wha-- bu-- SHEMP!

Gil: ‘e’s splutterin’ mad.

Lana: I c’n unnerstand it.

Gil: Wot’s wrong, Clem? ...’e ain’t respondin’ co’erently. Wot’s wrong wit’ ‘im, Lana?

Lana: If you’d read the papers in detail you’d know.

Gil: So gimme the quick version.

Lana: Wull, basically, Shemp arranged it so that, in the event ‘e bestowed the ti’le on someone (that someone bein’ me as it turns out), the new Dean would also become heir to the entire fortune ‘e amassed when ‘e sued the two of you roight into the ground.

Gil: ‘ooray! So you can ‘elp us out a li’le mebbe?

Lana: There’s a clause preventin’ me from usin’ any of the money to ‘elp eiher of you in any way. You’ll still ‘ave to go on payin’ the money back until you die.

Clem: That weaselly, dead son of a bitch. I’m going to go to his grave, and dig it up, and take out his body and hack it up and feed it to the fishes!

Lana: That’ll teach ‘im, Clem.

Gil: Good thinkin’, Clem.

Clem: Shut up, Gil. I should hack you up and feed you to the fishes, too.

Gil: Me? Wot for?

Clem: For starting this off by changing your name and suing me to get the title back! Shemp would never have been able to get his foot in the door of the trademark office if you hadn’t come up with this bullshit!

Gil: Wull, I could just as easily blame you for stealin’ away the ti’le in the first place.

Clem: If Gil had remembered me in his will, maybe I wouldn’t have done it!

Gil: Don’t go blamin’ Gil for your mistakes, now, Clem--

Clem: Why I oughta--

Gil: Ack! Argh!

Clem: Ouch!

Gil: Urk! ‘elp!

Clem: Yow!

Lana: Cut it out! Stop it! No fightin’ in the booth!

Clem: Okay, okay. You still have strong teeth, you bastard.

Gil: Well, touché. You’re still good at’ chokin’ the life outta someone.

Lana: Look, now, Squornshelous ‘as gone an’ scored whoile you two were fightin’. Now the Lemmings are losing.

Clem: So what? It’s not our fault.

Lana: You’re supposed to be callin’ the game Clem!

Clem: Oh, why don’t you jsut lord it over us, Dean? Tell me what to do! Go on, push us around with your stupid title.

Lana: I ain’t pushin’ nobody around! I’m tellin’ the two of you not to fight in the booth!

Clem: Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. This whole thing just has me so pissed off. After I hack up Shemp’s body and feed it to the fishes, I think I’m going to find Mel Flanders and beat the crap out of him!

Lana: Mel Flanders?

Clem: He was involved in it somehow, I’m sure.

Lana: Aside from everything else, you might keep in mind Mel’s an ex-rugby player, Clem. ‘e’s apt to be a mite tougher than you are.

Clem: I don’t care! He’s going down!

Gil: Yeh! I’m with you on that one, mate.

Clem: You just keep to yourself. Don’t try helping me. I don’t need you getting me in any more trouble.

Lana: I think if you dig up Shemp’s body an’ ‘ack it up, you’re liable to get in enough trouble yourself, Clem. Oh, by the way, the game’s over. Final score: Squornshelous two, the Lemmings one. So the nex’ match agains’ Bedistan will be a mus’-win situation.

Clem: Let’s just cut to the important messages before I say something I regret.

Group stage match day 3 results have been TGed. As always, results for matches in KP were generated by Lem and vice-versa.

Gil: The crocodiles aren’t cyborgs? Thank Bejeezus for that. ‘Cause I can only imagine wot ‘avoc flyin’ explodin’ cyborg crocodiles could produce.

OOC: Flying Exploding Cyborg Crocodiles...good name for a rock band! :lol:

Strike Birds tie Halfassedstates

Eagle's Nest anxiously awaits GZ-AR score

Mario Gratunia scored an equalizer with 8 minutes left in the game and striker Josh Adams had a shot go off the post in extra time that leaves the Birds and the Hurricane or whatever they chose for their nickname tied at 1.

With the tie, HAS has guaranteed transfer to the Round of 16, and the Nest must hope that Giant Zucchini either tied or lost to force a tiebreaker with either GZ (if they tied) or Anteaus Rising (assuming AR won). A Giant Zucchini win puts them in and the Nest is eliminated.

Final report will be posted once the score of the GZ-AR game is known.


((only have 5 minutes to post....will post more tonight))

DAILY CROCODILE

Scientists confirm "blessing of Lemmsburgh"

With a 2-1 win over Nikea, Tanah Burung cliunched a spot in the second round -- something that has happened only once since World Cup 6 and the beginning of the Lemming curse. That curse has now been soudly put away. Or soundly "eviscerated," as an exultant coach Bi Kikere said in a postgame news conference. "Yup, i can use that word again, now that the curse is lifted."

Player-of-the match honours went to Maria Miskita, who scored the winning goal after Nikea equalized. With the news that Rejistania had defeated Aquilla, that meant the Crocodiles would advance automatically no matter what happened on match day three. The Crocs had six points, while Nikea and Rejistania had three apiece, so even if the Crocs lost to Aquilla (already eliminated) they could do no worse than second spot in the group.

The decisive end of the curse has been traced by scientists from Hugmekissme Polytechnical Institute to the water supply in the city of Lemmburgh. Positive energy ionization in the water is reported to be ay record levels. And since the Crocodiles always make a point of drinking the local water, they consumed plenty of those ions.

"Yeah, actually, i'm pretty sure that the teamwork and skill of the Crocodiles is responsible for these two wins," Bi Kikere said, while fighting her way through a large crowd of chanting Gil-worshippers. "That, and the fact that there are no bloody Hooligans in the country right now."

Tragedy as Gil-crazed fans attempt flight

With the result meaningless, a relaxed Crocodiles team faced off against Aquilla. "You're predestined to lose, you freakish Calvinists," taunted Crocs midfielder Karena Gelap, apparently one of the more intellectual players on the pitch.

Fans were even more relaxed. Many of them were moist and garrulous from an excess of Lemmish Lout Liquor. "It don't taste so good," said one fan, "but five bottles for a lemming? Shw00t! Hey, you're a pretty lady. Laddy. Whatever."

The Crocs abandoned their usual defensive style to experiment with some attacking plays, lobbing long balls forward to the three strikers and trying to evade the offside trap. Zachary Alkatiri, playing up front for the first time, scored one goal while Maria Miskita and Taur Matan Ruak each scored another. Aquilla struck back with two goals, but they weren't enough to prevent Tanah Burung from finishing the first round with a perfect 3-0 record: something that the Crocodiles have never before achieved in their history.

Play was marred, however, by the attempt by several members of the 24-Hour Church of Gil to fly. "Gil says there are flying Crocodiles," said 24-Hour Priest Phil Anderer. "Gil is a divine prophet and his word is truth. There were no flying players in today's match. Therefore, the Flying Crocodiles must be the fans. So yeah, we tried to fly."

Tragically, the law of gravity seems to trump an offhand remark by Gil Lemson. As fans climbed to the top of the stands and jumped off, not a siongle one succeeded in flying. At least a dozen people sustained serious knee injuries as they crashed to the ground.

"It's an outrage," said Phil Anderer. "It's ain't Gil fault, that's for sure. If Gil says Crocodiles can fly, then dammit, Crocodiles can fly. I blame Lemmitanian broadcasting as an institution for failing to explain properly which Crocodiles could and could not fly. In fact, i am serving legal papers on the corporation and on the Dean of Lemmitanian Sports for failing to adequately protect the public. I am also considering a further lawsuit against the government of Lemmitania for maintaining an excessive and unsafe level of gravity in their countrty. I mean, people are getting hurt. Oops, i mean, 'urt. People are being 'urt badly by this damn gravity."

The curse of double posting is still alive and well, however.

A crowd of Strike Birds Fans huddle around the TV set in the window.

"You think we made it?"

"Don't know. Antaeus Rising beating Giant Zucchini? Doubt it. Mayeb they tied."

"But GZ has beaten us"

"yeah, we're in trouble. Pity Adams' shot didn't go in at the end there. At least his Lions of Nesme should play well this next year."

"DANG IT...I wanted that goal so bad...I hate waiting like this."

*TV starts to scroll results of the World Cup, but as it gets to group B, it fades out.*

"DANG IT fix the antenna already!!!"

*a bit of squibbling and it works ok now"

(TV commentator)
"And with that win, Giant Zucchini has 6 points, Halfassedstates 5, The Eagle's Nest 4, and Antaeus Rising 1. Giant Zucchini and Halfassedstates move on to the round of 16."

"*Gasp*"
"Oh no"
"GZ won"
"DAMN IT"
"SO CLOSE"
"If we only had that goal at the end"

*A silent pause among all.*

"Hey look at it this way. Our first cup, and we were a point from making the best 16 in the world. You tell me we go that far last month and I call you a liar."

".......True"

"Hey...Where's WCXIII?"

"Don't know the bid hasn't been posted yet."

"When can I buy tickets"

"In four years."

"........So I hear that the minstry of Sports is hosting an Eagle's Cup in a year or so"

"yeah, a lot of teams have already signed up. It should be interesting"

*The crowd slowly disperses except for one guy*

"DANG it...if that goal had went in....." *And he walks off.*

((WCXII has been an absolute blast. Kudos to Group 11 and to Group B...it's been fun playing with you all this round. The n00b luck won't be with me next time. Hope WCXIII is as fun as WCXII is))

*Now roots for Oglethorpia, GZ, and Spaam*

Kaze Progressa have sacked manager Marit Nuvarli after their humiliating display on home soil in the World Cup.

Their latest embarrassment - drawing 2-2 to Oddslavo after holding a 2-0 lead - was the last straw. Nuvarli has gone, and a replacement is set to be named during the next few weeks - some have already called for Faiwe Irafma to become manager, but he claims not to be interested 'at least for the moment'.

In terms of the economy and national prestige (home performance aside), the Cup has gone rather better. Virtually every game has been a sell-out, and ticket sales so far have exceeded 2m, bringing in over K70m ($85m) in revenues which have been split between the ten clubs who own the stadia and the KPFA.

Kaze Progressa have sacked manager Marit Nuvarli after their humiliating display on home soil in the World Cup.

Their latest embarrassment - drawing 2-2 to Oddslavo after holding a 2-0 lead - was the last straw. Nuvarli has gone, and a replacement is set to be named during the next few weeks - some have already called for Faiwe Irafma to become manager, but he claims not to be interested 'at least for the moment'.

In terms of the economy and national prestige (home performance aside), the Cup has gone rather better. Virtually every game has been a sell-out, and ticket sales so far have exceeded 2m, bringing in over K70m ($85m) in revenues which have been split between the ten clubs who own the stadia and the KPFA.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Lions Lose at Lemco City
Lemmitania, Squornshelous move on to second round

LEMCO CITY, LEMMITANIA -- Bedistani fans were dejected as the whistle blew after ninety-three minutes of fierce competition, signaling the end of the Lions' chances in World Cup XII.

Both teams threw caution to the winds, as for both it was a must-win situation. A draw, however, would have been mildly amusing, as some measure would have had to be taken to resolve the resultant second-place deadlock. For quite some time, speculation ran throughout the crowd on just how this would work, but the tone changed when Horace Henneman slotted a beeline shot just past the shoulder of goalkeeper Erik Oldenburg late in the second half. Despite repeated attempts by Darren Morlock and Javier Lewey to equalize the score, time was not on their side.

The score of the Squornshelous-Belmorian Scandinavia match is unknown, but the match is completely irrelevant. Squornshelous is through with at least six points, as is Lemmitania with exactly six. Bedistan, with only three points, has been eliminated, and the Scandinavians cannot obtain more than three points either.

"Yeah, it's disappointing," said manager Johnny Lewis after the match. "But not really unexpected. I knew playing Lemmitania would not be easy, and I'm happy that our guys and gals put up a good fight against them. Unfortunately, our ranking probably won't improve all that much, but we can still try it again in Thirteen."

Final score:
Lemmitania 1 (Henneman 79)
Bedistan 0 (Lewey m/pen 33)

Players Announce Retirement
Six of eleven starters will not return for WC13

In an exodus not seen since the end of World Cup 8, an astounding nine of the twenty-one members of the Bedistan national team, including six starters, have announced that they are retiring from international football. These players are:

45 - Darren Segawa (starting defender, age 29)
37 - Walter Marley (starting defensive midfielder, age 39)
40 - Darren Morlock (starting striker, age 32)
41 - Erik Oldenburg (starting goalkeeper, age 34)
44 - Javier Lewey (starting striker, age 35)
43 - Pearlie Tenner (starting defensive midfielder, age 36)
60 - Christy Jeanlouis (backup defender, age 25)
56 - Tracie Paulus (backup attacking midfielder, age 31)
58 - Abigail Hamner (backup striker, age 21)

Hamner, Jeanlouis, and Segawa are all leaving the international team to be with their families, while most of the rest believe they are getting too old to play in the World Cup. Javier Lewey, despite retiring from the Bedistani national team, is expected to see out the remainder of his contract with Arkanoid FC in Giant Zucchini.

No replacements for the retiring players have been named yet.

Group stage match day 3 results and tables have been posted. Sorry, no link atm.

Squornshelous Advances Despite Ugly Loss

The Squornshelous Pschychoes are all now doubly glad that they managed to beat co-host Lemmitania in matchday two, because their effort in matchday three was not that of a 16th ranked team. The highly favored Pschychoes were taken apart by Belmorian Scandiniavia 4-0. When asked for comment, coach Newsome said, "That was possibly the worst game a Squornshelan team has ever played, however, I am glad, because it points out some of our weaknesses, and serves as a wakeup call going into the second round. Hopefully we can learn from this setback and advance further into the cup than we ever have."

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 8
Richards: 6
Knorr: 5
Pavon: 4
Rivera: 3
Brooks: 1

Group H Final Results:
[code:1:5c6a030295]
Team W D L GF GA GD PTS
Lemmitania 2 0 1 4 2 2 6
Squornshelous 2 0 1 4 6 -2 6
Belmorian Scandinavia 1 0 2 4 4 0 3
Bedistan 1 0 2 3 3 0 3
[/code:1:5c6a030295]

(We are again listening to Radio RejisCAST, the only english-speaking radio station in Rejistania, it's the 87th minute of the match, but due to 'technical difficulties' until now nothing was said about the match. Music fades out as we tune in.)

Yeah, that was Hiru Hiro with the fantastic song "Lanja", before we listened to Hy Etsana's number one hit "Ivestoru myju'tes". I jnow you'd rather like to listen to a match report of Nikea vs Rejistania instead, but this time, the connection broke down before Elin Ri even could start to report...

(is interrupted by: Elin Ri) Hejida Idine! The connection works again! I'm here live i the Shattered Stadium in Lemmitanha, where the match between the Orange-Blues and Nikea till now still remained nil all.

Great do hear you, Elin! No goals till now?

No, that doesn't mean that there were great chances for both sides, but in the end, the deciding stroke of luck lacked.

The nikean manager Te-ne-ret-hi-tel predicted that the Orange-Blues couldn't win against a paper bag with the words NIKEA on it.

Hehe, I heard that too. Currently the Junis-Omeh are the slightly better team. I don't know what Tenerethitel says after the match, he surely underestimated the team. Currently SyLy is in posession of the ball, he didn't start, but was substituted in the 71st minute. passes to Jen Y, back to SyLy, oh, they're really offensive currently, that nil all would mean they are out. So They play in the last minutes of this derby as if their life depended on it. No, he can't do it, Ferentel... reactes too late, that is... XXXXKKKKKOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA! (Ididne joins in cheering) Rejistanha'salan mje ja nil, MMMJJJEEEEE JJJJJAAAAA NNNNNIIIIIILLLL! Vinali jo'het!

(Idine interferes) But please calm down again, you are a reporter,

My job description says 'troubleshooter' it was purely coincedence that I report the matches.

Oh!

The match isn't even started again, This was the deciding goal by SyLy literally in the last seconds of the injury time. I really want to see the expression on the face of Nikeas manager Tenerethitel now! Second round, a dream came true a second time! The Orange-Blues defeated Nikea 1-0! Back to the studio in KaMaRi kali!

(Here is the same scene in Radijo Desnike (and a cleverly disguised DP): ) Minuji de-ke, junis-omeh'mi'hetaki. Syly mi'tera Y'he'han, Y'he'han Syly, Syly mi'haneda ji... 'xxxxxkkkkkkkkoooooooorrrrrrraaaaaaa! Xkora junis-omeh'han! Rejistanha'kanvali!

LEINN - Final WCXII Report Group E

Josh Hinar: Hello, viewers and welcome to a special final WCXII report on Group E, which has come down to the wire. These are the final standings - First, Total n Utter Insanity 3 games 4 points; Second, Timway 4 games 6 points; Third, Liverpool England 4 games 3 points; a shock Fourth The Belmore Family 3 games 2 points.

Here's commentary of the deciding match between Liverpool England and Timway from Kaze Progressa - it's Decaltré Jomans.

DJ: (84') And with 6 minutes to play this looks like it could go to extra time. It is 0-0, and we MUST find a winner here today - even if it requires penalties. And there's been a goal! The Timway offence on the break, and the magnificent classic counter-attack has broken the deadlock wih 5 minutes to play! Marvellous goal! Liverpool England 0 Timway 1!

DJ: (90') And the fourth official signalling an incredible 6 minutes of extra time! Six minutes!

DJ: (90'+3') Christopher. Going forward, gets in a good cross - met by Blackwell - its in! And, wait a minute - the linesman has his flag up - offside against Blackwell? Let's see the replay... and there, clearly, Blackwell is onside, and that refereeing mistake could cost the side dearly. The keeper with the long clearance - that's taken an awkward bounce off the pitch - GOAL! Sub keeper Lineris could not do a thing about it, its a gola, and Timway lead 2-0.

DJ (90'+6'): And it's all over! Timway are through!

JH: And heartbreak for the team as they are eliminated by two late goals in Kaze Progressa. Final Score Liverpool England 0 Timway 2 (<Player 5> 85', <Goalkeeper 1> 90')

Sowhatsville News

Lucky, lucky, lucky!

Halfassed sneak past the Nest.

A relieved Jarvis Smith was thanking his lucky stars last night as the Halfassed football side managed to get the point they needed to ensure progress into the second round of the World Cup.

There was no doubt in anyones mind however that his side were fortunate to have done so. The match got off to a thunderous roar from the crowd, large numbers of who were supporting the Eagles Nest side, aiming to become the first debut side to make it through the group stage in living memory!

Both sides had early opportunities, Sherwood and Soap combining well to set-up Gregg, who tamely shot wide, while at the other end, a Adams strike deflected off Ducks, but skidded just past the post. With about 25 minutes gone, Halfassed finally began to control the ball and exerted a prolonged period of pressure on the Nest goal. Just when the underdogs thought they had made it to the interval at 0-0, a Perfect cross eluded both the keeper, the defender and Sherwood, but Gregg arrived with precision timing at the back post and bundled the ball in.

It was on reflection just about deserved on the balance of play, but the style of the goal didn’t seem to do justice to the importance of the game. Now anyone who watched the AR-HAS match earlier in the week would probably tell you that the second half of that game was just about the worst performance that the had ever witnessed from a Halfassed side. If you meet any of them to-day ask them the same question – a few will probably have changed their minds!

When the second period started, Halfassed still seemed to be up-for-it, Soap, Ducks and Boot getting stuck in and denying the Nest players any time on the ball. The problem was that none of the players seemed interested in passing the ball and actually trying to score. One 35 yard hopeful shot from Sherwood was the best (indeed only) effort worth talking about.

At the other end, the Nest players were peppering the Halfassed goal anytime they got a chance. Jennung pulled off at least 5 stunning saves, with Adams generally being the unlucky striker. With less than 10 to go, the game was finally returned to parity, as Nest midfielder Grotunia struck from the edge of the box after great lead up play by Selona.

In much the same way as happened against Antaeus Rising in the opening game, Halfassed suddenly found themselves having to hang on for a draw. Smith signaled his intentions by immediately replacing striker Gregg with midfielder Strike and moving to a 4-5-1 formation. It seemed to help, as the Nest found it harder to work the passing moves through the middle that had been serving them so well in the half. However, with the game going into injury time, the Nest team realized they needed the goal and went for the more obvious long-ball route to goal. Ducks was forced to give away a corner under pressure from the goal scorer, Grotunia, but Jennung claimed the cross well. With literally the last strike of the game, Adams almost stole it for the Nest. A long punt from his namesake, keeper Nathan Adams, bounced mid-way inside the half and dropped again on the edge of the box. Adams (Josh) spun away from Boot and met the ball with a thundering right foot half-volley. Jennung made the obligatory dive, but must have new he would never have got near the shot. Fortunately, the ball crashed off the base of the post and bounced to safety. The referee blew the final whistle and Halfassed had scraped through.

With GZ beating AR 2-1 in the other match, Halfassed finish second in group B and will face off against group E winners ……. Total n Utter Insanity.
After waiting over 24 years for our first meeting, we now meet the Insanians in the second round two cups in succession. Here’s hoping that we can do as well as last time, although something tells me that they may have a point to prove after the 3-0 humiliation in their own backyard! (:wink: :wink: )

We’ll have to wait and see.

Whogivesa Gazette

Hurricanes it is!

The official Halfassedstates Football Supporters Club have voted overwhelmingly in favour of nicknaming the national side the Hurricanes.

With a few thousand of the votes still to be returned (most of which belong to supporters lucky enough to be in Kaze Progressa and Lemmitania for the WC finals) the Hurricanes has won 53% of the votes cast. The Hippos got a paltry 4%, with the Hooligans getting 14% and the Platypi just 7% (all of which were from members of the Platypi teams supporters club branch!)

Interestingly, the remaining 22% voted for OTHER.

Most of these seemed to agree that taking the name 'Kickassers' would be an appropriate tribute to our missing Human Gilmeecian neighbours, especially as the Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree bush (? couldn't find the thread that mentioned this - it was aaagggggggeeeeesss ago!) that still stands proudly outside the royal Palace in Whogivesa City, was one of the first gifts received by our fledgeling country many years ago. There was also a humanitarian arguement for having the Kickassers name, with many feeling it would have helped raise the issue of these poor souls who have gone missing without a trace from their area in the FIFA region, seemingly without International concern!

But, despite all that, the Hurricanes it is!!

Nastic Fantastic
'slaves win opening game

In front of a capacity crowd at The Can in Lemvoola, Audioslavia came from behind to get their first win in four games and put themselves in a provisional qualifying position.

Nastic scored first after only three minutes, taking advantage of some sloppy Audioslavian defending to play the number nine in for an easy tap in. Five minutes later Nastic looked like doing the same again as the number seven skinned Miles McEwan to set up the number nine for an even easier oppotunity, which luckily he squandered.

Pedder's form kept Audioslavia in the game until half-time, beating away numerous Nastic oppotunities as the 'slaves failed to get a grip on the game. McEwan was repeatedly skinned by the Nastic winger, and Captain/Manager Lee Branson utterly failed to win the aerial battle with the powerful Nastic forwards.

A half-time grilling and two substitutions later (Aaron O`Hara replacing McEwan and Callum Jensen coming on for the absoloutely abysmal Paul Ward) added a bit of stability to the 'slaves' side. O`Malley came close on fifty minutes before Jensen equalized with a stunning strike from the edge of the area.

Audioslavia showed only flashes of their potential during the match, too often getting bogged down and losing the ball in offensive positions, an example of this being Lee Branson's loss of the ball whilst mooning the Nastic goalkeeper.

With five minutes left on the clock, Audioslavia finally grabbed the winner after a hefty spell of pressure. Wayne Bury - making his first appearance since the second-round defeat to Europa Brittania four years ago - recieved the ball in front of the area with two defenders bearing down on him, and with the deftest of touches, flicked the ball in the air and used his heel to send over a sweet ball to wunderkid Aaron O`Malley to volley home.

Final Score

Audioslavia 2 (Jensen 54, O`Malley 86)
Nastic II 1 (Player <9> 3)

Battered

Audioslavia's patchy form was always going to trip them up sooner or later, and in Lemvoola on Saturday, it made them fall flat on thier face.

The tired, lacklustre and ultimately pathetic collection of players fielded by the 'slaves were absoloutely trounced by a vibrant and mercyless Oglethorpian team. The Wonderteam looked infinitely more proffesional and more hungry for the game, showing so after ten minutes when a slick move between Kirk Calhoun and Baltasar Gray let through veteran striker Torrence Black to put the first goal on the scoresheet. Ten minutes later Jorge White struck number two as he found himself with acres of space behind the 'slaves non-existant defence.

Audioslavia battled hard to try and control the possesion of the ball in the closing stages of the first half, but they never looked like threatening, the best chance they could muster being a long range effort from Iain Maidens which sailed harmlessly into the stands.

Audioslavia's defence recouperated at half-time and managed to stand firm against most of Oglethorpia's fierce second-half attacks, but the rest of the team looked abysmal. Paul Ward was substituted again after a frankly shit performance was topped off by a booking, almost injuring Fernando Green in a perfectly mis-timed tackle.

His replacement Callum Jensen looked a lot better, beating Samson Grey for pace down the wing and creating a couple of opportunities for Maidens and O`Malley to duly squander.

This spell of pressure, just like every spell of Audioslavian pressure during the game, was short-lived and pretty much non-existant. Oglethorpia absorbed the attacks and countered with twice the vigour and skill, finishing off the rout with a well-taken goal by Kirk Calhoun.

Final Score

Audioslavia 0
Oglethorpia 3 (T. Black 9, White 23, Calhoun 82)

Werkers of the world: Are Shite!
'slaves overcome krafty werk

Audioslavia bounced back from their weekend thumping at Oglethorpia to administer a similar thumping to German electro-poppers GetSomeKraftwerk.

Aaron O`Malley's stoppage time penalty, coupled with his two goals either side of half-time put the 'slaves through to the second round for the third time in succession and gave O`Malley his first world cup hat-trick.

Audioslavia fielded a very different team to the usual starting eleven. The backbone of the squad (Pedder, Branson, Shearer, O`Malley) was in tact, but O`Malley was partnered not by Iain Maidens, but by veteran Wayne Bury, who set up O`Malley for the first goal by drawing the keeper out and playing a well placed lob for the young Graythorpian to pounce on.

The midfield was very different, mainly because there were five of them, as for the first time in about 20 years Audioslavia did away with the 4-4-2 system and played a much more solid looking 3-5-2, with Branson partnered by Aiden Carsley and James Reid in defence, and Shearer playing alongside mainstay Jack Croft, young guns Kieran Murphy and Callum Jensen, and the not-so-great but ever dependable Phoenixian Ally Marsden.

The absense of the Mill, Ward, Flitcroft and Maidens who played so awfully in the opening games helped the 'slaves overcome the dangerous Gesamkuntswerk side, winning the midfield battle with the extra man, allowing more opportunities to be made for O`Malley. Bury played not so much as a striker but more as a libero, roaming free in the hole between the Werk's defence and midfield and causing all kinds of trouble. Unfortunately at 36, Bury didnt have the stamina to last the full ninety minutes, and was replaced with young Craig Belmore late on.

It was the young Belmorian-born 'slave the got Audioslavia the penalty in the dying moments, as he wriggled and jiggled in and out of a frightened and disheartened Gesamkuntswerk defence before being felled and letting Aaron O`Malley get his hat-trick from the penalty spot.

Gesamkuntswerk's only goal came after the penalty, as the 'slaves became complacent and the Werk's only real attack of the game culminated in a goal, the number eleven crossing the ball in for the number eight to nod home for a consolation goal.

Final Score

Audioslavia 3 (O`Malley 32, 47, 88pen)
Gesamkuntswerk 1 (number eight, 90+1)

[code:1:8d063fc7a2] W D L GF GA GD PTS
Oglethorpia 2 0 1 7 2 5 6
Audioslavia 2 0 1 5 5 0 6
NASTIC 2 1 0 2 3 4 -1 3
Gesamtkuntswerk 1 0 2 2 5 -3 3

[/code:1:8d063fc7a2]

Audioslavia progress through to the second round in second place behind the Oglethorpian's aptly named Wonderteam, who's only slip-up was against Nastic II in their final game, although to be fair they were fielding a weakened side as they had already qualified for the next round.

The 'slaves await their second-round opponents

This has been Malcom McVities, g'nite bitches.

Insanicians Belless for Second Round Grudge Rematch

These words will live in infamy.

"Belless making yet another run down the wing and...oh my...he just exploded in close proximity to the Belmorian Manager, Alan Belmore."

"Well Mike, I've got to tell you I'm surprised! Belless' smouldering corpse has just been red carded, and yet he's acting so calm in the face of being sent off!"

Tragically Alan Belless exploded today in the match against The Belmore Family. Alan Belmore was rushed to hospital with a severe head trauma cause by a flying piece of Alan Belless. He was released an hour later when doctors found it hadn't done any damage to his Belmorian physiology. Without their managers directions the Belmorian squad didn't seem to know which was up and which was down, allowing the 10 remaining Insanicians to cruise home to a two - one victory and finish top of their group. How will they cope in the second round without Belless? Expect another 3-0 thrashing is all I can say.

Second round results have been TGed.

Commerce Heights Sports Recap - World Cup 12
Bulldogs Go 3-0-0 Against #3 Wizards
KAZA, KAZE PROGRESSA - The Bulldogs got their first first-round win to come on any matchday other than their first with a 1-0 win over Warnocks Wizards. The win has added to 4-1 and 1-0 wins in World Cup 8 to give the team a total 3-0-0 record against the team that miraculously managed 2nd place in World Cup 11, using their automatic qualification as hosts to make it to the first round for the first time. The game was rather uneventful, but a goal by Sherwood led directly to the final score in the 67th minute. The win may be connected to the lack of RPing, caused by apparent "government inactivity". Whatever may be going on in the nation of Warnocks Wizards, the final score remains the same:
(15) Commerce Heights 1 (Sherwood 67)
(03) Warnocks Wizards 0 - FT

Svecia Defeated For First Second Round Appearance By Commerce Heights
KAZA, KAZE PROGRESSA - Svecia, expected by most to be the easiest of Group C teams, was exactly that, not managing a win even over the Bulldogs, who usually perform poorly in the second round regardless of their high ranking. The Bulldogs knew that a win would lead directly to a second round slot, and exactly that result was obtained with 1 goal each by Zaidi and Quigley. Determined to maintain their lead over the Lightning, the Bulldogs played very defensively after Quigley's goal in the 59th minute, allowing only 1 Svecian goal. The team celebrated in Kaza as the final group tables and second round fixtures were announced, even though the second round slot put them up against co-host Lemmitania in Narrowhead Stadium.
Final score:
(15) Commerce Heights 2 (Zaidi 21, Quigley 59)
(40) Svecia 1 - FT
Final Group C table:
[code:1:a3820cd7d1]Group C-Kaze Progressa P W D L F A GD Pts
Warnocks Wizards (3) 3 2 0 1 5 3 +2 6
Commerce Heights (15) 3 2 0 1 3 3 0 6
Spaam (27) 2 1 1 1 5 5 0 4
Svecia (40) 3 0 1 2 4 6 -2 1[/code:1:a3820cd7d1]

"Host Team Advantage" Shattered By Bulldogs, 2-0 Win Over Lemmitania Places Team In Quarterfinals
LEMSAS CITY, LEMMITANIA - The advantage that seems to have gotten at least 1, if not both, of a Cup's co-hosts through to the final in World Cups 8-11 was halted by the Commerce Heights Bulldogs today in Lemsas City. Because Lemmitania was the only host left in the tournament, it was expected by nearly everyone that Lemmitania would easily win and continue the trend. However, the efforts of Modde and the Lemmitanian keeper led to a 2-0 win by the Bulldogs in the state-of-the-art Narrowhead Stadium. With CH up 1-0 in the 50th minute, the Lemmitanian goalkeeper fainted as Quigley kicked the ball into the goal, bouncing off the keeper's head (which caused the goal to be listed as an own goal instead of a goal by Quigley). Unlike the Svecia game, the 2-0 lead was maintained for the full 90 minutes, propelling the Bulldogs into a round that national rivals Aquilla has never advanced to - the quarterfinals.
Final score:
(15) Commerce Heights 2 (Modde 18, <player> OG 50)
(07) Lemmitania 0 - FT
The quarterfinal match will be played against the winner of the Oglethorpia/East Spaam match.

****OOC****

3 things:

1) I'm back. Sorry for disappearing.

2) Could someone please direct me to the WC13 signups?

3) How much merry hell will be played on my formerly sterling ranking for missing a Cup?

****OOC****

3 things:

1) I'm back. Sorry for disappearing.

2) Could someone please direct me to the WC13 signups?

3) How much merry hell will be played on my formerly sterling ranking for missing a Cup?

****OOC****

3 things:

1) I'm back. Sorry for disappearing.

2) Could someone please direct me to the WC13 signups?

3) How much merry hell will be played on my formerly sterling ranking for missing a Cup?

Squornshelous in Quarters Again
Squornshelous has reached the World Cup Quarterfinals for the second cup in a row and the third time in their history. This cup's second round victory came against Warnocks Wizards, the first meeting between the teams. Squornshelous opened up the scoring in the 20th and 35th minutes, both goals coming off the foot of Koren Jackson. WW made a comeback in the early second half however, with goals coming in the 48th and 56th minutes. The score remained deadlocked into the 81st minute of the game, when a corner kick by Phillip Knorr sailed into the penalty area, and was sent into the net off the head of Tito Rivera. This win puts Squornshelous through to a possible rematch with our first cup oponent ever, Audioslavia, depending on the result of their game with Europa Brittania. In the first and only meeting between Squornshelous and Audioslavia, Squornshelous, then a cup newcomer and unranked, defeted the 'Slaves 4-0 in our cup debut, a game Audioslavia has often expressed the desire to avenge.

Scoring Summary:
S: Jackson (20)
S: Jackson (35)
W: (player) (48)
W: (player) (56)
S: Rivera (81)

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 10
Richards: 6
Knorr: 5
Pavon: 4
Rivera: 4
Brooks: 1

1) I'm back. Sorry for disappearing.

Heh, good to see my WC10 qualifying rivals back on the scene again. ;)

2) Could someone please direct me to the WC13 signups?

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=121740 , though at this point your entry might be determined by who hosts the Cup (depending on the bid, there are either 92 or 102 slots) and how many previously-signed-up nations have ceased to exist. I suggest you reserve your spot ASAP.

3) How much merry hell will be played on my formerly sterling ranking for missing a Cup?

Some, surely, as you would've qualified for WC12 had you not been an ex-nation at the time. My guess is you'll still be in the top 25, though (at least if CH and I win the hosting bid, as we're continuing with the current ranking system).

multipost

Respond to a triple post, make a triple post. ;)

The Green Mile:
Episode 17: A Case of Identity - Part 2

A familiar looking zucchini is on the phone.

Zucchini: Look, I’m sorry, OK, I didn’t know I had another photo in my pocket…Yeah, I released her…Yeah, I know, I’ve initiated Plan B…Yeah, I placed the bomb in the Belless fella…What? Belmore? Not Belless?

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush
Survivor Sucks (http://pub207.ezboard.com/bsurvivorsucks)
Halfassedstates’ Nickname Search
Dave Barry: A Good Name for a Rock Band? (http://www.davebarry.com/rockbandlist.html)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Niall Quinn
Brian Clough
Jimmy Armfield
Terry Butcher
Jimmy Hill
Alan Hansen
Harry Neal
John Helm
Mark Lawrenson
George Best
Jack Charlton
Mike England
George Hamilton
Trevor Francis
David Pleat
Peter Jones
Ron Jones
Martin Tyler
Alan Parry
Terry Venables
Tony Adamson
Jon Champion
Ally McCoist
Brian Marwood
Angus Loughran
Ray Houghton
Clive Tyldesley
Damien Richardson
Noel King
Derek Rae
Alan Green
George Graham
Tom Perrie
Conor McNamara
Bryon Butler
Ron Greenwood
Barry Davies
NMS’ return
Belless’ explosion

The Green Mile:
Episode 18: The Italian Job

Mr Hurr is sitting at his desk, staring at Timway’s teamsheet.

Mr Hurr: 4 at the back? 3 in front? Attacking sweeper? Wingbacks? Just play Urk up front?

Mr Hurr looks perplexed, then looks out of the window. He sees 3 Minis, one red, one white, and one blue.

Mr Hurr: The Italian Job…


NEWSFLASH:

The Zucchinis have reached the quarterfinals of the 12th World Cup with a 1-0 win over Timway. The Zucchinis seemed reluctant to let the ball go, garnering a staggering 89% possession whilst keeping the ball in their own half for most of the match. The goal came after 84 minutes after Kerrnigit’s inch-perfect cross met the right foot of an onrushing Urk, who slammed the ball into the back of the net.

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush
Survivor Sucks (http://pub207.ezboard.com/bsurvivorsucks)
Halfassedstates’ Nickname Search
Dave Barry: A Good Name for a Rock Band? (http://www.davebarry.com/rockbandlist.html)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Niall Quinn
Brian Clough
Jimmy Armfield
Terry Butcher
Jimmy Hill
Alan Hansen
Harry Neal
John Helm
Mark Lawrenson
George Best
Jack Charlton
Mike England
George Hamilton
Trevor Francis
David Pleat
Peter Jones
Ron Jones
Martin Tyler
Alan Parry
Terry Venables
Tony Adamson
Jon Champion
Ally McCoist
Brian Marwood
Angus Loughran
Ray Houghton
Clive Tyldesley
Damien Richardson
Noel King
Derek Rae
Alan Green
George Graham
Tom Perrie
Conor McNamara
Bryon Butler
Ron Greenwood
Barry Davies
NMS’ return
Belless’ explosion
The Italian Job

May I suggest making another thread for your list and then just updating and posting a link to it at the bottom of your posts?

May I suggest making another thread for your list and then just updating and posting a link to it at the bottom of your posts?

:lol: Interesting proposition...I'll consider it! :lol:

We interrupt your daily addictive-based World Cup RP reading schedule...

The Dottians show their full support for the Giant Zucchini team in WCXII.
The Dottians are unhappy that One Red Dot did not make the qualifiers.
The tribal Dottians want a sacrifice.
The sacrifice can be Kaze Progressian or Lemmitanian. Gilmeecian is also welcome but the Gods might be angry at the low-quality sacrifice. Insanician sacrifices are not allowed because their quality is at the bottome of the rung.
The Random-Number Gods must be appeased to bless the team.

And now, back to your daily addictive-based World Cup RP reading...

OOC: GZ, if that list was an RP, it'd be longer than my 3-match RP above (excluding the group table)... :P

Before the match against Kerla: Hexen Imdila and Laxtu Takil talk about the right tactics.

Hexen Imdila (coach): Kerla, you know that team from the group stage, normally they play quite offensively and at least score once.
Laxtu Takil (co-coach): Our last matches were wins, so I guess they are prepared and will build an iron wall to prevent us from scoring.
Hexen Imdila: How do you know?
Laxtu Takil: They are socialists.
(Hexem Imdila laughs)
Hexen Imdila: Is that real intelligence?
Laxtu Takil: Yes, it is. But I prefer not to tell you where I have it from.
Hexen Imdila: I can't take that into account then.
Laxtu Takil: Ok, but keep it to yourself, I bought the information from a kerlan player.
Hexen Imdila: You what?
Laxtu Takil: I saw him in a bank where he tried to get kaks for his communistic money-replacement, they didn't change it since it has no value, my chance!
Hexen Imdila: Why were you in that bank?
Laxtu takil: I was broke!
Hexen Imdila: And how did you know it was a kerlan player? Your memory is terrible.
Laxtu Takil: But I can't forget people's voices. It was the kerlan striker... ah I forgot his name... The one who scored in the home game. I offered him 20,000 lil'kansu'ny for the inforamtion about the tactics and he agreed.
Hexen Imdila: But 20k lil'kansu'ny are worth nothing!
Laxtu Takil: Tell it him (smiles)
Hexen Imdila: You are evil!
Laxtu Takil: Yay, and I like it! (short pause) The line-up will be (at this time we leave)


A few hours after the match:
Ila Iles (team mascot): We won! Slani raju!
Sijij Kansu (defender): Nothing slani about this.
Ila Iles: I slani know, it's just a thing you slani say!
Sijij Kansu: Have you ever met a UN inspector?
Ila Iles: No.
Sijij Kansu: Good, then the Rejistanian rank for nice citizens isn't endangered.
(some players laugh)
Laxtu Takil: We even won 4-0 and I can say that this was the best match since the Lubistan game!
Inik Linkosa (midfielder): It was the highest win, we ever archieved!
Laxtu Takil: Ah right, the Lubistan match ended 4-1.
Hexen Imdila: The entire team played a great match today, I don't know who we'll meet in the quarters, but they should better be prepared - and fear Lax!
SyLy: Why fear Lax?
Laxtu Takil: I'll tell you after the cup

Audioslavia 2-1 Europa Brittania
The full account of Audioslaiva's historical victory

World Cup 4: Plucky newbs Audioslavia reach the second round by virtue of two draws with Europa Brittania and Kingsford, and an impressive 2-1 win over to-be finalists Jurrassica. The 'slaves lose on penalties to rivals Lemmitania in the second round.

World Cup 7: After two unsuccesful world cup campaigns, Audioslavia play the world on home soil. A 4-3 loss to Malundar is succeeded by a 3-1 win over Liverpool England and a 1-0 win over Kingsford, and Audioslavia's second second-round appearance is confirmed. The 'slaves are held 2-2 to Errinundera, who go on to beat them 4-2 in extra time.

World Cup 10: only the third time Audioslavia have got into the second round, they are defeated 1-0 by Kingsford. Audioslavia's "never got to the quarter final" stage is still in tact

World Cup 11: Into the second round after a three wins in a row, Audioslavia face Europa Brittania but are beaten 1-0.

World Cup 12: Audioslavia face Europa Brittania yet again in the second round of the world cup. The 'slaves form has been shocking lately, scraping a win over Nastic II, getting slaughtered 3-0 by Oglethorpia, but booking their second-round place after a 3-1 win against Gesamkuntswerk. Audioslavia and their fans arent confident about beating the current world cup champions, as they have a weaker team that last time round, whereas EB look just as strong as their world cup winning side from four years ago.

This is what happened.

Audioslavia started the game with the same team that had wiped out Gs'werk. The relatively untested 3-5-2 formation remained in tact:

[code:1:afd69c49b0]
1
Pedder

2 5 21
Branson Reid Carsley

18 15 10 8 17
Murphy Marsden Shearer Croft Jensen

20 7
Bury O`Malley
[/code:1:afd69c49b0]

From the off, the 'slaves looked brilliant. Despite the lack of self-confidence about their recent performances, the 'slaves tore into the Brittanians from the off. After only a minute, Croft over-hit a through ball to Jensen on the wing. Normally, Callum would have let it go, but this time he chased after the ball and somehow managed to slide and get to it and swung it into the box. O`Malley was waiting, but his shot was charged down. A minute later, some slick passing on the edge of the box saw Bury make an excellent ball through for Marsden, but his shot was wayward. Time and time again Audioslavia threatened, playing surprisingly good football and scaring the Brittanians a few times, but EB held firm.

Europa Brittania are hardly shmucks when it comes to football, and after the initial shocks, they got themselves back into the game. Half an hour gone, and an Audioslavian attack broke down as Croft was caught in possesion on the halfway line. EB's counter-attack was absoloutely lethal. Within just eight second of Croft losing the ball, the EB number eight had whipped over a ball to the number seven. Seven beat a flailing Carsley for pace, before sending over a high ball for the number nine to side-foot into the net.

Audioslavia were visibly affected by the goal, and in the run up to half-time, their game fell apart. Branson found himself out of position during an attack and desperately lunged at the number eleven on the edge of the area, causing the Brittanian to fall on the edge of the box. Branson was carded. From the free-kick, EB could have... and should have... made it 2-0, as the number seven's cross was met full on the volley by the big forward. Pedder managed to get a hand to it and flick it on the bar, but the rebound came back to the EB striker. Luckily for the 'slaves, the striker couldnt find his feet quick enough, and his stab at the ball sent it waywards and a few feet to the right of the goal.

The 'slaves tried again to attack like they had in the opening stages, but the bite had gone for the time-being, as O`Malley and Bury seemed incapable of making any headway against the strong Brittanian defence.

In first-half stoppage time, again the Brittanians broke away. Carsley, now getting used to the speed of the EB side's number seven, prevented the winger from crossing, but the even speedier full back overlapped and sent a brilliant cross over to the number ten, who met the ball full on the volley.

For all the players, the crowd, and the world watching on TV, the ball looked in, but somehow, one of Pedder's flailing fingers caught the underside of the ball and sent it flying upwards, hitting the underside of the bar and bouncing out for Branson to belt clear. The half-time whistle blew, and Audioslavia looked on their way out.

They needed some sort of boost, and Lee Branson's half-time team-talk must have done it, as Audioslavia started out the second half looking twice as vigorous as they had in the first half. Bury and Murphy both hit the post in the first five minutes, Murphy with his head, Bury with the ball, before Aaron O`Malley equalised with one of the greatest goals ever scored on the world stage.

Picking up the ball on the half-way line, O`Malley skipped between two EB midfielders and skinned another. With a deft flick he sent the ball to Jensen, who heeled the ball to Bury, who whipped the ball back to O`Malley. O`Malley let the ball run through his legs to Marsden, who flicked the ball ahead to O`Malley who, in one swift movement, flicked the ball over the advancing keeper and volleyed the ball into the gaping net. 1-1, and Audioslavia had their tails up.

The next ten minutes saw the 'slaves lay seige to the EB goal. O`Malley - now being marked by twice as many players - flicked the ball over to Bury who's shot hit the post, and Jensen almost capitalized on a defencive mistake, taking the ball from the Brittanian full-back and chipping the keeper beautifully, only to see the ball skip off the top of the bar and out.

For the first time in the game, and for the first time in months, Europa Brittania looked nervous, and ultimately beatable.

Until Audioslavia hit self-destruct.

Captain and acting manager Lee Branson protested about being penalized for a close, but very clear, foul on the Brittanian number six. In an exasperated rage he threw the ball at the referee, who duly gave him his second yellow card and his marching orders. The free-kick was wasted by the EB but, finding themselves a man up, found a new lease of life.

The 'slaves found themselves having to enter 'all-out-defend' mode as EB lay seige on the Audioslavia goal, hitting the post twice and forcing another fingertip save from Matty Pedder. With eighty minutes of the ninety played, EB looked so close to getting the winner, as again an EB cross found an EB head, again Pedder looked beaten, but again the ball somehow dodged the goal and was cleared by Carsley. The ball was sent back in low to the EB number nine, and as he turned, Shearer hacked him down. Penalty. With ten minutes left and Audioslavia looking like they had nothing else left to offer, an EB goal now would surely wrap the game up. As the number ten lined up his shot, millions of 'slavians at home held their breath....

Number Ten hit the ball hard and true, but too close to pedder, who got enough of his arm on the ball to send it over the bar. The resulting corner saw the entire population of Audioslavia again hold their breaths. No-one managed to get to the first cross, which was sliced to the outside of the 18-yard box, but a quick cross back in saw the number nine in space. As he turned to shoot, Reid pulled him down as he went for the ball. Another definte penalty... but the referee saw otherwise. A couple of EB forwards protested, but he wasnt about to budge, and all of a sudden Audioslavia were on a counter-attack. Bury played the ball over to Murphy, who outpaced the full-back and pulled his cross back to Shearer. Shearer squared to O`Malley, O`Malley's shot was parried by the goalkeeper, and the loose ball was collected and finished into the goal by the number 8 Jackie Croft. 86 minutes gone, Audioslavia were 2-1 up and looking at the first quarter-final appearance ever.

EB went ballistic.

The remaining four minutes saw the EB side completely out-play the 'slaves. For a side that was in absoloute desperation for an equaliser, they still managed to play brilliant football which had the Audioslavian defence in tatters. Time and time again the world held their breath as first Croft cleared a goal-bound header off the line, and then the EB number seven hit a low shot which somehow swerved away to ricochet off the post.

The assistant referee signalled for five minutes of injury time. It seemed to the world that the 'slaves would be lucky to last thirty seconds of injury time.

EB bided their time, trying to pull the 'slaves defence out of position for the killer through-ball. The clock continued to run down, until after ninety-four minutes and forty-two seconds, Carsley slipped and the number seven skipped right past him and into the edge of the area. Audioslavia's defence scrambled to try and get back, but the EB strikers were too quick, and the number nine took the ball, rounded the keeper and side footed the ball goal-wards. Only Nicky Shearer knows how he kept it out. Lunging for the ball a good five feet away, he somehow managed to sweep the ball off the line and away to the side. The number seven found it and chipped the ball over everyone to the full-back who came to meet the ball, six yards out with more-or-less an open goal. With one sweet strike of the ball, he sent Europa Brittania's last chance high into the night sky, the ball coming down with a thud on top of the stadium roof, as the referee blew for full-time.

Final Score

Audioslavia 2 (O`Malley 51, Croft 86)
Europa Brittania 1 (number <9> 32)

ooc: EB, get your stupid roster onto the roster-thread :p

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Oglethorpia fells East Spaam
The Wonderteam advances to the quarterfinals with East Spaam defeated in the second round.

By Bill Christmas

LEMMITANIA (BT) -- They might've only been a part of United Spaam, but Oglethorpia soundly defeated East Spaam all the same 4-1 in Lemmiatania to advance to the quarterfinals of World Cup 12.

Off of a first round defeat against NASTIC 2, the Wonderteam was looking to regain momentum against East Spaam, and that is exactly what they did. From the outset of the 90 minutes, Oglethorpia looked the superior team in energy and their playing mechanics.

Oglethorpia struck first in the 13th moment when team captain and midfielder Fernando Green intercepted an East Spaamian header, and a long ball played to Jorge White would find the topleft corner of the goal, the shot taken just inside the goalie's box. White's goal in the 13th put the first goal on the board for the Wonderteam.

It seemed as if East Spaam was ready to stay even with Oglethorpia throughout the entire match when Spaaminator Striker #2 scored an equalizer off of a blistering shot past Wonderteam keeper Yamamoto-san in the 16th, but on behalf of Oglethorpia, Jorge White would respond in fine form.

After each team had their own few chances at the ball (3 for each side, 1-all 20 minutes in) the Wonderteam would make it's fourth attempt on East Spaam's goal; a cross from left field to Jorge White setup the Hanford F.C. striker with a fine chance. With a skillful turnaround, White let loose and scored both his second, and Oglethorpia's 2nd once again securing the lead. After the brief moment of action, things would stagnate once again.

East Spaam showed life in the waning minutes of the first half, but it was of no avail as keeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto booted away the ball caught just inside the penalty box.

Guy Picciotto was upbeat about the team's preformance, standing ready to finish off the remaining 45 minutes of the match.

"All we've got to do to secure this game is keep things goin' like they are -- the same zen, karma and all that good spiritual stuff. Be the ball," said Picciotto. "But seriously, all we need to do is play containment out there and not lose sight of how we've been doing and keep doin' what works."

While Oglethorpia took a few minutes to warm up again, they would eventually fall into their playing groove akin to the first half -- though the second half displayed a more dominating Wonderteam side. In the 54th Torrence Black would have his first, letting loose from the right half of the field and shooting the gap between East Spaam's goalie and the right post. Elated celebration erupted following Black's goal in the 54th minute putting Oglethorpia up 3-1.

East Spaam provided no further threats to Yamamoto-san in goal -- to finish off Oglethorpia's 90 minutes that would see their advance to the quarterfinals, Mick Brown put one in from up close to the East Spaamian goal against a tired defense fielded by the Wonderteam's opponents.

With stoppage time over, Oglethorpia came out the 4-1 victors against the East Spaam side, sending the Wonderteam to the quarterfinals for the second time in history.

"It's great man," commented Mick Brown, filling in for the recently retired veteran-Wonderteam striker Kirk Calhoun. "I'm fillin' big shoes, you know -- Kirk [Calhoun] was well-liked by everyone and really a class act, and to be in his place and score my first goal in only my fourth game, well, that's great stuff."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 4 (J. White 13th, 26th, T. Black 54th, K. Calhoun 90th)
East Spaam - 1 (Spaaminator Striker Goonie #2, 16th)

to finish off Oglethorpia's 90 minutes that would see their advance to the quarterfinals, Mick Brown put one in from up close to the East Spaamian goal against a tired defense fielded by the Wonderteam's opponents.

...

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 4 (J. White 13th, 26th, T. Black 54th, K. Calhoun 90th)
East Spaam - 1 (Spaaminator Striker Goonie #2, 16th)

Perhaps Amalgamated should check their facts before they bring them. :P

to finish off Oglethorpia's 90 minutes that would see their advance to the quarterfinals, Mick Brown put one in from up close to the East Spaamian goal against a tired defense fielded by the Wonderteam's opponents.

...

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 4 (J. White 13th, 26th, T. Black 54th, K. Calhoun 90th)
East Spaam - 1 (Spaaminator Striker Goonie #2, 16th)

Perhaps Amalgamated should check their facts before they bring them. :P

Picture a Federated Airlines FI-100 airline, with a large picture of the Oglethorpian flag adorning each side of the aircraft's sides. It is the Wonderteam's official (and preferred) method of travel, and the team's starting 11 relaxes inside the jet's lavish interior.

[Enter Yamamoto-san, Mike, Samson, Ray, Fernando, Jerome, Floyd, Baltasar, Torrence, Jorge and Mick, the Wonderteam starting 11.]

RAY:
Man guys, what a game out there. We played well.

FERNANDO:
No joke, Ray-dawg.

TORRENCE [mockingly]:
Word. We got the mad rhymes.

[Enter Oglethorpe, the Wonderteam's mascot.]

OGLETHORPE THE MASCOT:
Yeah! Whoo hoo! Quarterfinals, you spammers!

PICCIOTTO:
Incontrovertibly. We're in, guys.

[Random hoots, hollers and general celebration break out for a few moments, before returning to the normal mood.]

OGLETHORPE THE MASCOT:
The Oglethorpe go marching on!

TORRENCE:
Oohhh yeah.

FERNANDO:
Damn you, Torrence! Always completing the
Iambic pentameter speaking style!

PICCIOTTO:
That's his job, Fernando. It keeps things cool.

FERNANDO:
My thoughts are limited to 10 syllables!

TORRENCE:
Actually, you went over. Leave, now!

[Exit Fernando.]

OGLETHORPE THE MASCOT:
The Oglethorpe go marching on! Go Thorpes!

PICCIOTTO:
Surprise! What jumbled talk from our mascot.
Truly, this is uncharacteristic!

FLOYD:
From whence comes this speaking plague upon him?
What disturbs his normal manner of speech?
What has set upon our beloved friend?

MICK:
It is a quandry, to be sure.

PICCIOTTO:
I know!

FLOYD:
What ho, coach Picciotto?

PICCIOTTO:
Do you know...

FLOYD:
I do not, coach. Please divulge this finding!
Indeed, please make with the enlightening.

PICCIOTTO:
Have you heard of the bad speaking mascot?
Of El Cid the Hero! His fame spreads wide.

JORGE:
The same, with the unabated marching?

PICCIOTTO:
The very same, who possesses our Thorpe!
An ethereal assault of bad speech.

FLOYD:
What suggest you, coach? What tidings are bid?

PICCIOTTO:
That the Demons of Bad Speech are at work.
Nay, of Bad Speech and Bad Spelling! 'tis bad!
From person to person he has moved,
And adulterated the best speakers.
Even now he possesses Oglethorpe.

BALTASAR:
I have seen it too! Posessed is he!

PICCIOTTO:
Too far gone is our mascot. He is lost!
Even when he leaves, the damage is done.
Indeed, his fate of bad speech is sealed.
You have seen what has happened to El Cid?
To their own mascot, the Heroic Man,
Tainted by the black hand of bad grammar,
The same fate to befall our own mascot.

JORGE:
'tis tragic, that. The gods are not kind this day!

FLOYD:
Nonsense! Halt, while I fetch the team clergy!

[Exit Floyd.]

[Enter Floyd, and Wonderteam team clergy.]

[b]CLERGYMAN #1:
[10 syllables of Latin nonsense.]

OGLETHORPE THE MASCOT:
The Oglethorpe go marching on!

CLERGYMAN #2:
Be gone!

CLERGYMAN #3:
The demon reveals himself to us!
What befell Cid will not happen again!

CLERGYMAN #1:
Should the Thorpe suffer the speech of the Cid
Indeed, then we have failed in our mission
Let the beasts of bad spelling fly from him!
Out, you wretched creatures! Let him speak well!


[The three Clergymen raise up their divine items of holyness and begin exorcising the possesed Oglethorpe mascot.]

CLERGYMAN #1:
Be gone, oh foul creature of bad spelling!
From him you leave, and leave no tainted mark!

[Enter newly visible Demon of Bad Spelling (and Speech), expelled from the mascot Oglethorpe.]

CLERGYMAN #2:
What ho! There flies his cursed embodiment.

CLERGYMAN #3:
He reveals himself! Be gone, foul beast!
Get you home! Back from whence you came, foul creature!
Speak not! Return to the Cid to spew forth!

DEMON:
The Cid go marching on!

PICCIOTTO:
Him! It is him!

CLERGYMAN #1: [Divine item in hand.]
Get you home! Get you gone, leave us in peace!

DEMON:
The sames! Back to the Cid we goes marches!
Rid us, have yous I thinked? Never! Fly!

[Exit Demon of Bad Spelling (and Speech).]

FLOYD:
Oh team clergy, where would be without you?

CLERGYMAN #1:
Posessed by the agents of evil.
If they are abound, we will expel them.
Until then, we will take our leave. Good day!

[Exit Wonderteam team clergy.]

With the team's epic battle with an Oglethorpe mascot possessed by the same demon that regularly posses El Cid The Hero's Heroic Man now gone, and back to causing the Heroic Man to say such grammatical gems as "The Cid go marching on," we leave the Wonderteam as their journey to <nation> continues, hopefully demon-free. We will rejoin them upon their arrival as the Wonderteam's adventure and antics continue at a date sometime in the future!

to finish off Oglethorpia's 90 minutes that would see their advance to the quarterfinals, Mick Brown put one in from up close to the East Spaamian goal against a tired defense fielded by the Wonderteam's opponents.

...

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 4 (J. White 13th, 26th, T. Black 54th, K. Calhoun 90th)
East Spaam - 1 (Spaaminator Striker Goonie #2, 16th)

Perhaps Amalgamated should check their facts before they bring them. :P

Bill Christmas will be flogge- fired for this blatant factual error published for the consumption by the masses!

ASNN - Stars Break Second Round Curse by Defeating WCX Qaulifying Rivals

Paninara, Kaze Progressa - The second round. The mere mention of that name is enough to make diehard fans get down on their knees and weep. It is the place that everytime the Stars have qualified, they have lost. Last year, it was a brutal loss on Penalty Kicks to future champions Giant Zucchini.

This year, it would be different. Captain Mark Jeremy said that the extra practices analyzing veterans thoughts and tape aided in the victory. "Lester's [Preston] ability to see their offense work really helped. He was one of the only players left on the team from that ear, and his experience really helped us prepare for the match."

The game opened with a quick dash of the typical TB-Stars physical brutality. Midfielder Kassen Illius was felled by a nasty slide kick from a Croc forward, who proceeded to receive a controversial yellow from teh referees, who really wanted to keep this game under control.

The scoring got under way at the end of the first have, when a Croc midfielder trapped a goal kick very nicely, who then bicycled it an open forward, who took it in and scored on a brilliant set of skill. The whistle blew with the Stars bloodied and losing hope. But Captain Jeremy again showed remarkable leadership, giving everyone an heart lifting pep talk during the halftime.

He didn't just show it in the locker room, but he took it out onto the field as well. Just three minutes into the half, Jeremy received a beautiful pass from Kellen Asten. He moved in on goal, and he faked going left, then puleed it right back to a waiting Quentin Mckeehan, who powered it home to tie the game.

The Stars hope took off from there, with Jeremy scoring on a beautiful powershot from the eighteen. the last goal took place during the last minute brutal charge from the Crocs. With a botched goal leaving a throw in just inside the half. The Stars did not waste it. Defensemen Markus Hessus aimed the beautiful throw to Orlando Rose, who quickly tipped it to Jasper Graham. Graham made what looked like a desparate charge towards the goal, only to leave the ball for a trailing Asten just inside the goal box.

Asten didn't flinch under pressure. Time seemed to stop for the hundred thousand people at the game, as Asten pounded it towards the goal. It looked like the keeper was going to be able to stop it, but Allen Jergen lunged at the ball, heading it into an open goal. The Stars supporters erupted into sheer madness, nearly causing a stampede.

The Stars have reached the quarters, and now the sky's the limits.

TLC Stars 3 - 1 Tanah Burung
Mckeehan (48 )
Jeremy (59)
Jergen (93, Extra Time)

Sowhatsville News back page

Soap keeps calm in eye of Insanian storm to send Hurricanes through.

An amazing night of drama in the Warpnet Arena saw Halfassed progress to the quarter finals at the expense of an unlucky TnUI side.

In what was expected to be a rambustuous affair, the game began at a hectic pace, with players from both sides flying into almost reckless challanges seeking to get the early upper hand.

It wasn't until the Kingfordian ref had dished out his fifth yellow card in the 23rd minute, that things finally began to settle down. (Unsurprisingly, four of the five cards were for Hurricane players, Ducks, Boot, Soap and Cook).

With fewer players diving in needlessly, the match began to take some semblence of shape, with the players realising the could control the ball without quite so much danger of receving a broken leg! The half finished even however, the only chances of note being a Sherwood volley that went straight at the keeper, and a snap shot from <player10> that was well held by Jennung.

The start of the second half was not as flurried as the first, but the pace had picked up from the end of the previous 45. Gregg headed a Perfect cross over when unmarked, before Soap stung the keepers hands with a vicious drive. The pressure eventually told, when Cook released Gregg. He skipped by <#5> and as the keeper came out to block the effort, he cooly squared the ball to Sherwood who slid the ball into the empty net.

1-0 with 20 minutes to go, and it should have been 2-0 just seconds after the restart, as the TnUI <#6> passed the ball straight to Soap. He chipped it over the defence for the onrushing Gregg, who thumped the ball home, only for the referee to rule it out for offside.

TnUI made good use of the let off, appling pressure to the Hurricane goal in a desperate attempt to grab the equaliser. Jennung tipped a long range effort over, and from the corner, White headed off the line. It was a let-off, but only a temporary one! With just 3 minutes left, a lovely passing move put the Insanican <#9> through 1-on-1 and he made no mistake.

The whistle went, and we were in extra-time. The first period was a tense affair, neither side wanting to make the mistake that could cost them the place in the next round. However, the second period became a real end-to-end affair, as both midfields tired, and neither side wanted to go to penalties. Sherwood rattled the post, and only a last ditch tackle on Gregg by <#6> stopped the Hurricane player from sealing the win. At the other end, Jennung had to be at his best to smother a <#10> shot that deflected off Riddle. The final whistle went, and we had reached the dreaded penalty shoot-out!

The Insanican captain won the toss and elected to take the first kick.
He stepped up to take it himself, and sent Jennung the wrong way. 0-1 TnUI

Sherwood stepped up for Halfassed and smashed the ball straight down the centre as the keeper went right. 1-1

<#8> for TnUI was next, but Jennung guessed right, going right and touching the ball past the post. 1-1

Perfect strode out to take the next kick. He placed the ball and took just a couple of steps back, before striking the ball high to the left. The keeper guessed right, but couldn't quite get there. 2-1

<#5> walked up for the Insanicans. He struck the ball well, but watched in horror as it beat Jennung only to hit the base of the left-hand post and bounce clear. 2-1

Gregg was up next for Halfassed. He didn't look confident as he placed the ball and his penalty sailed over the bar. 2-1

<#6> took the responsibilty for TnUI. He watched as Jennung once again guessed correctly and saved, this time to his left. 2-1

Cook stepped up for Halfassed, if he could score, his side were through. As he ran up, the ref blew the whistle and said the ball wasn't on the spot correctly. After replacing the ball, Cook tried again, but after clearly being unsettled, he fluffed the kick completely and watched it trickle towards the goal. The keeper, who had started to dive the other way, had time to correct himself and still make an easy save! Still 2-1

<#9> Walked up knowing he needed to score to keep his side in the game. He did so, sending Jennung the wrong way brilliantly. 2-2

Even so, Soap walked up to take the final kick knowing he could win it. Once again, the referee was to have a say. He took ages agreeing the ball to be on the spot, asking Soap to replace it 3 times. Then as Soap hit the ball into the net and turned to celebrate, the ref ordered a re-take saying he hadn't blown the whistle to allow the kick to be taken. At this point all hell broke loose. Hurricane players, who had been celebrating, swarmed the ref, even Smith the manager joined in. When things eventually calmed down, Boot and Cook received their second yellow cards of the night, while manager Smith was sent to the stands by the ref.
Eventually, the kick was ready to be re-taken, after checking twice with the ref, Soap steped forward a slotted the ball into the left-hand corner of the net, just beyond the keepers reach and the Hurricanes had made it to the quarter finals once again.

Final score: 1-1 Halfassed win 3-2 on pens.

None of the Halfassed management team would comment after the match, although an official statement commented that they were considering looking into the behaviour of the match officials and would decide whether or not to appeal the sendings off later in the day!

Halfassed will play The Lowland Clans in the next game at the Archway Stadium, Farela, after the Stars defeated our qualifying group opponents TB 3-1. One thing is for certain, there will be a new name in the semi-finals of the cup, it is the first time TLC have made it to this stage, and Halfassed have not got beyond the quarters in their previous 3 appearances at this stage.

OCC: Kingford hope ya don't mind too much :!:

EDIT: I think I mixed up the matches. I will re-post the corrected quarterfinal matchups.

Double edit? - I've done it on the scores thread, and TGed all results.

ASNN - Allied States Semi Bound After Defeat of Halfassed Hurricanes

Farela, Kaze Progressa - The Semis, a territory unknown to anyone in the Allied States. But today, the Stars will explore that territory in full. The game was close, but the Stars emerged in triumphant at the end.

They new they were in tough against the Hurricanes, who had just defeated favorites Total n Utter Insanity in their last, were ready to face the Clans. The physical play that typifies both teams ment that the refs came ready to hand out the cards and the bookings. From the opening whistle, it was clear that this game would be to the bitter end.

The game opened with Sherwood and Gregg playing a quick series of passes to get past Orlando Rose, Kassen Illius and Allen Jergen and the quick play allowed to get in on goal, but they were stopped by a slide kick by veteran Lester Preston. The ref quickly flashed out the yellow card, and then carded Captain Jeremy who protested. The motivation clearly became apparent soon after that, with Rose taking a brutal slide kick with only a booking to the offender, Brokeum.

The Clans went in fuming at half, and came out motivated by Lord Mackintosh and Mark Jeremy. The pressure switched from the Hurricanes, who controlled the first half, to the stars, who controlled the play by the second half. The Hurricanes defense was incredible though, with White and Upton making several key stops on McKeehan and Graham.

The sky turned dark, and the lights went on. They were already into extra time, and the Stars had a throw in 4 yards from the box, and the pressure was on. With overtime fast approaching, Allen Jergen threw a perfect throw top Jeremy, who made a beatiful pass to Kellen Asten, who dropped it back to Orlando Rose, who powered towards the goal. Pat Jennung stopped the original shot, but he was unable to control the rebound, but Kassen Illius dived into the goal mouth and headed the ball in.

TLC Stars 1 - 0 Halfassedstates
Illius (92, Extra Time)

The Quarterfinal Curse?
For the third time, Squornshelous has been eliminated in the quarterfinals, this time by (dammit!) Audioslavia. The score was even at 4-4 going into extra time, but the 'Slaves made the "Golden Goal" (or whatever it's called) to go into the semis. (Audioslavia must be deleriously happy, so I'm gonna let him RP the actual match) Coach Newsome's comment was: "At least we put up a lot of goals, we just couldn't stop their attack, this'll be one of those games that the defenase will watch a lot of film on next time."

Squornshelous Goals Scored by:
Jackson (2)
Knorr
Pavon

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 12
Knorr: 7
Richards: 7
Pavon: 5
Rivera: 4
Brooks: 1


Squornshleous exits world cup 12 looking forward to an improved ranking in world cup 13. "I'm thnking we might move up two or three spots." said Forward Phillip Knorr, who announced his retirement after the match. The nine retiring players, which include four starters are:

Phillip Knorr***@ (F)
Earvin Smith***@ (M)
Alex Fuertes***@ (D)
Luis Pavon**@ (M)
Reed Johnson** (GK)
Freddy Gonzalez** (M)
Jeff Hardy* (D)
Sam Riddle* (F)
Gary Smitz* (F)

*=number of cups, including 12, played in
@=starter



Star Striker to Sign with Zucchinian Club?
Koren Jackson, who was voted most valuable player by his teammates, is currently in negotiations with a Club Team from Giant Zucchini. He declined comment on how talks are proceeding but his current Club, Vogsphere, is not performing well and it's manager is notorious for taking cash over talent.

4 WARRIORS PLAYERS ANNOUNCE RETIREMENT

Four players from the Warriors WC XII roster announced that they will be retiring from international soccer competition before WC XIII commences. Included on that list are two WC veteran starters, defenseman Michael W. Smith, and forward Captain Francis of Assisi. Also retiring are two of the older additions to the national team for WC XII, defenseman Jim Anderson and midfielder Bill Carter. The two newer members both only appeared in one match, while the veterans both appeared in 26 of 28 WC matches for the Warriors. Their replacements have not been named yet. It is widely believed that the Warriors will name Thomas Larson as their new captain for WC XIII.

This is Radio RejisCAST, I am Elin Ri, today we broadcast live from Quarua, Kaze Progressa where he match between the Orange-Blues and the Giant Zucchinis takes place. With me today is Jisu Jetta, the former coach of Hetkali Hetaki. Hejida Jisu!

Hejida!

First, one question: since you have perhaps more information about it: Is Hetaki on the brink of insolvency?

That accusation is totally unjustified: Economical existence doesn't loom in Hetaki!

Is it right, that you recieved an offer from Hanin?

I will not perhaps work for Hanin.

How do you think the game will end?

Win or loss - for either team

The match is starting.

Two minutes played, still high tempo!

(15th minute)
Free kick for the Zucchinis, Kermigit will shoot it.

Kermigit's free kicks are like in real life: sometimes short and soft, sometomes long and hard.

Good reaction of Nana, unfortunately too late. That's the lead for the Zucchinis.

Hexen Imdila is surely not satified with this result.

(27th minute)
Phoot passes to Urk, good chance for Urk, but without sucess.

Urk and Phoot are a good trio.

(45th minute, an official signalizes one minute injury time)
It seems that Giant Zucchini substitutes the goalkeeper

The official indicates overtime.

Oh. (after a while) The Orange-Blues are trailing 0-1 at the end of the first half, a 1-0 is now impossible

The first half ends, back to KaMaRi or Na~ovi or Hetlkali or wherever.

(In the second half)
We have technical difficulties, so you might not hear this. ah, we haven't? Even better! The Orange-blues need to score at least twice to avoid elimination.

That means to make the impossible possible, a quite impossible task.

(53rd minute)
..and Jen Y get's the ball, oh, defender Humm doesn't look good as he is outsmarted by Jen Y, passes to Su and... that's the equalizer!

Here is Idine Sala, we have again problems with the connection. All this patches we use in our software are like beer after a night in the pub, one wasn't good!

(quite a long time of regular RejisCAST program follows till the match ended)

We have news from the match in Quarua: Rejistania defeated Giant Zucchini 2-1

Quotes, internet-pages and RPs ripped of:
Blutgrätsche.de - Dumm kickt gut
certain RejisCAST RPs
a well-known error message of the university in Heidelberg
The famous Aquilla RP

Lemmitanians everywhere are cheering for Audioslavia in the semifinals-- exepts for those Lemmitanians who are cheering for anyone but Audioslavia. It's probably a 50-50 split.

In <OOC> news, I'd like to solicit bids from anyone who is interested in running the WC14 sign-up thread, to be started after WC12 ends. Please post to the wc13 registration thread if you'd like to be responsible for wc14 signups. I'm inclined to choose someone who's on the forums a lot more often than I am.

(Audioslavia must be deleriously happy, so I'm gonna let him RP the actual match)

ooc: cheers dude, and yes i am rather delirious, first time past the second-round and all that \o/

ic:

DUM DUM DUMMMMM

Jeremy: Hello, and welcome to the World Cup Quarterfinal match between Audioslavia and Squornshelous.

The screen fades out, and mock black and white footage is shown. After a few seconds, it is clear that the dancing black and white figures are the Audioslavian World Cup 4 team. Theres Zack De La Rocha scoring against Lunatic Goofballs.... Hiro Yamamoto clearing an Alhana Catherine shot off the line, Chris Cornell equalising against Europa Brittania, Tom Morello skipping down the wing and crossing for Cornell to net the winner against Jurassica. Then we see the 'slaves battle hard against Lemmitania. Zack De La Rocha has a scuffle with Dale Hartford and Mike McSheen (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=35163&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=360 :)) De La Rocha gets angry and is sent off. Lemmitania equalise, and then footage of the penalty shoot out is shown. Lemmitania's Henny Henneman's shot is saved, Kim Thayill hits his over the bar. Roger Rosco scores, Cornell scores. Mickelson scores, but Commerford's shot is saved. Bingson nets for Lemmitania, and Audioslavia score through Matt Cameron. Wilco Rosco's shot is saved, but Tom Morello fails to save the 'slaves and hits his shot against the keeper.

The next scene sees some interviews with the 'slaves World Cup 4 squad, looking confident, feeling like theyve acheived something. The World Cup 4 rankings are shown, with Audioslavia 11th, a voice over of Tom Morello stating that Audioslavia are a world class team, and will qualify for World Cup 5 easily is shown.

The music fades to the Benny Hill theme, and in full colour, The first meeting between newbies Squornshelous and rising stars Audioslavia is shown. Audioslavia's comical mistakes and Squornshelous's free-scoring is shown all too clearly, until the final-score is shown on the stand.
SLAVIA 0-4 SQUORN

The screen fades back to Jeremy Jaffacake.

Jeremy: youre probably wondering why we just showed you that clip? Well thats the last time we played them. We expected to roll over them easily, and got whupped four-nil. The biggest defeat in Audioslavia's history. This time of course, its different. The Audioslavian media is billing this match to be an easy one for the 'slaves, and are expecting Audioslavia to roll over Squornshelous easily. We just thought we'd show you that to bring you back down to earth

Malcom: yep, its the quarter final of the world cup, there are no easy opposition anyway

Tom: Well, apart from The Lowland Clans

everyone laughs

Jeremy: well, let me introduce you to our football pundits. To my left... and well... to everyone's left, are World Cup 4 veterans Tom Morello and Zack De La Rocha.

Tom: hey

Zack: 'sup mutherbitches

Jeremy: Thankyou Zack... and to my right, is the Soundgardian on Sunday's sports reporter Malcom McVities.

Malcom: good evening bitches

Jeremy: Malcom, for the last time, thats my f*cking line dude

Malcom: no it isnt its mine

Jeremy: Malcom, ive been using that for thirty years, youve been using it for three years.

Malcom: Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Zack De La Rocha walks out of the room

Jeremy: where the hell is he going?

Malcom: Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Jeremy: will you stop that?

Zack De La Rocha walks back into the room with a sign saying "FIGHT THE EVIL CORPORATE GUY WHO KEEPS SAYING THE WORD 'MINE'"

Jeremy: ...does he always do that?

Tom: well he's more of a silent protester now you see

Jeremy: Zack? SILENT?

Tom: Yeah, he's quit rapping

Zack: will you guys shush? i'm trying to protest silently here

Tom: i suppose its quite amusing really

Jeremy: you mean 'amuteing'?

Zack: oh har har

Malcom: MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE

Jeremy: anyway, lets get out onto the pitch, our commentators will be ex-player Chris Cornell ex-manager Butch McAuley

The two sides line up together on the pitch as the camera rolls past. Squornshelous are clad in their famliar red and black colours, whilst Audioslavia are in their away colours of sky-blue and white stripes.

The team's formations appear on the TV screen. First Audioslavia:

[code:1:85830dc704]
1
Pedder

3 5 21
O`Hara Reid Carsley

18 15 10 8 17
Murphy Marsden Shearer Croft Jensen

9 7
Maidens O`Malley[/code:1:85830dc704]

Then Squornshelous:

[code:1:85830dc704]

9
Jackson
10
Knorr

12 15 7
Pavon Rivera Richards

11 24
Smith Brooks

17 6 8
Truman Fuertes Arnaud

1
Allen
[/code:1:85830dc704]

The match kicks off over excited remarks by Butch and Chris, talking about how they'll finally get a chance to get back at Squornshelous after their 4-0 defeat all that time ago. However, they are silenced by Koren Jackson's first minute goal.

Truman got the ball down the wing, pulled it back for Pavon, who's square ball found Knorr lurking on the edge of the box. Knorr's shot was charged down by Aiden Carsley, but the ball went back of Knorr's leg and into the path of Koran Jackson who blasted the ball into the bottom corner with Pedder left stranded on his feet.

The Squornshelian players dance away to the corner where most of the Squornites are to be found.

Within another couple of minutes, Squornshelous almost score again. Audioslavia are too cautious in attack and Croft's causal ball forward easily picked from Maidens' feet and knocked up front where Knorr is waiting. Knorr plays Richards through, and its two on two in the 'slaves' half with O`Hara and Reid defending against Richards and Jackson. Richards sidesteps Reid and beats him for pace, making it into the penalty area ahead of him, feinting a shot and instead playing a ball for Jackson to run onto. Luckily, O`Hara is more than capable of keeping up with the forward and, sliding through, scrambles the ball away for a corner.

Squornshelous waste the corner, and Audioslavia work on getting themselves back on level terms. Maidens sees a couple of chances go begging and Croft sees a shot clip the top of the bar and out. Audioslavia try to maintain possesion, frustrating the Squornshelous players but ulitmately not making any real headway, before Smith intercepts a weak ball by Ally Marsden and races upfield. Smith runs into Reid, who manages to get a foot in and knock the ball away, but it only goes as far as Pavon who curls over a fantastic ball to Koren Jackson who, with one deft flick, lobs Pedder for 2-0. Squornshelous' 'score early, score often' tactic seems to be working.

Lee Branson is animated on the touch-line, and as the half-time whislte blows, its clear that Audioslavia are going to get 'a severe talking to'. Both sides make a change at half-time. Audioslavia's is attacking, with Wayne Bury replacing Ally Marsden as an attacking midfielder, and Michael Salazar replacing Zak Truman in the Squornshelous defence.

Audioslavia emulate Squornshelous by finally grabbing a goal back in the opening five minutes. Bury holds off a Squornshelous defender and flicks the ball infront of Callum Jensen. Callum beats Arnaud for pace, and his cross is converted quite luckily by the flailing knee of Iain Maidens. O`Malley takes the ball out of the net and runs back to the 'slaves half. Audioslavia are back in the game.

Squornshelous restore their two-goal cushion within ten minutes. Taking the game to the 'slaves, Jackson plays a one-two with Knorr, hits the ball to Pedder's right only to see his shot rebound off the post and in the way of Reid who scoops the ball out for a corner. The corner is taken short by Richards, and curled into the box by Brooks. O`Hara gets a head to it, but only succeeds in knocking the ball down to Knorr who volleys Squornshelous into a 3-1 lead.

With half-an-hour left, Audioslavia look to be heading for another defeat, before O`Malley recieves the ball on the edge of the area with Squornshelous three players around him. He holds off a tackle from Salazar, turns on a sixpence and breaks through the two other defenders into the area. The keeper sees the situation early and rushes to meet the striker. O`Malley's control however is poor controlling the ball too close to the keeper, but in a desperate lunge to knock the ball away from Allen's pounce, he strikes the ball against his legs. It rebounds outside of the box to Maidens, but Maiden's chip is wayward and goes over the bar. A disappointing missed oppotunity, but Audioslavia get the kick they needed.

Four and a half minutes go by before Audioslavia finally do score. Maidens again tries his luck from outside the area. His shot is sliced and weak, but Salazar's clearance is poor, and the ball is placed into Jensen's stride. Jensen fakes a cross, instead cutting inside, 'megging Fuertes and trying to curl the shot around the keeper. Allen gets a hand to it, the ball falls behind the advancing O`Malley, but Shearer is on hand to bag the 'slaves their second goal of the game and get the game to 3-2. Its shaping up to be a cracker.

Seventy-Seven minutes gone, and Audioslavia's attacks seem to be becoming less fruitful. Craig Belmore comes on for a tired Iain Maidens, whilst Squornshelous make two further defence substitutions, bringing Karl Edmonds on for Earvin Smith, and taking forward Philip Knorr off and bringing on midfielder Alex Fink. With five men now in defence, Audioslavia need something special to break through, and that something special comes in the shape of Nicky Shearer. Shearer recieves the ball twenty-seven yards, obviously exhasperated after the wingers and strikers have again failed to break through the Squornshelous defencive wall. Shearer mouths the words 'f*ck it' and strikes the ball as hard as humanly possible. Allen is left motionless in the goal, watching the ball rocket into the top corner. Audioslavia 3-3 Squornshelous.

Audioslavia now have their tails up, and take the game to Squornshelous, filled with the hunger and vigour they found during their victories over Europa Brittania and Gesamkuntswerk. Jensen and Croft play a one-two with each other, and Jensen plays the ball through for O`Malley who runs on to it. Finding himself behind the scrambling Squornshelous defensive line, he bides his time, spying Kieran Murphy sprinting in ahead of the defenders. With a well-placed high-ball, he finds Murphy, and with a simple header Murphy puts Audioslavia into a four-three lead.

Audioslavia look brilliant and Squornshelous look tired, and with time ticking away, Audioslavia play 'keep-ball' and force the Squornshelous team to chase the game. The seconds tick by, but Audioslavia become over-confident. The desperate Squornshelous attempts to get the ball off them have put Audioslavia right back in deep positions. O`Hara plays the ball back to Pedder, who's only choice is to clear the ball upfield. The ball falls to Alex Fink, and as the clock ticks past the 90 minute mark, Fink starts what could possibly be Squornshelous's last attack of World Cup 12.

Fink plays the ball up to Pavon. Pavon turns and releases Richards who scarpers down the wing. Carsley closes him down, and Richards goes to beat him, but is brought down by a desperate challenge. No its Squornshelous who look good and Audioslavia who look breakable. Richards heads into the box and Pavon takes up the responsiblity for the free-kick. Pavon wipes sweat from his brow, places the ball down on the very corner of the penalty area, and steps up to it. The Audioslavian players are expecting the cross, as are the Squornshelous players, but Pavon has other ideas, and his shot is fired low and hard at the near post. Pedder also believes that the ball would be crossed in, and is left absoloutely stranded as the ball flies hard and true into the near-side top corner. Pavon races away back to the Squornshelous supporters in the crowd and is pounced upon by the Squornshelous team. Branson puts his head in his hands in the dugout, Shearer looks at Pedder, Pedder looks sheepish. The final whistle blows seconds after the re-start.

Both sides start extra-time looking cautious, careful not to give a goal away. Audioslavia make their final substitution, bringing on Paul Ward for Kieran Murphy.

Audioslavia maintain possesion, but its Squornshelous who make the first chance. Pavon knocks the ball ahead to Knorr, who splits the Audioslavian defence with an inch-perfect ball through to Jackson.

Koren Jackson bears down on goal, dummies keeper Matty Pedder out of his shorts, but knocking the ball too far away. Keeping the ball in, he spies Knorr making a run and beating a tired James Reid for pace. He chips the ball over but its behind Knorr and cleared by the back-tracking Croft, and a fantastic chance goes begging.

The game bogs down going into the end of the first period of extra time, with both sides performing like tired boxers at the end of a punishing fight. Like boxers, both sides were willing to do anything to avoid being knocked out. Halfway through the second period, with neither side making any real progress into the other's terriotory, the ball falls to Paul Ward on the wing. Ward, who's only played twenty minutes of the game and is still sprightly, runs at a startled Squornshelous defence. Paul is the fastest player to play for Audioslavia and it shows, as he absoloutely skins Salazar, cuts in behind Rivera who's scrambling back to cover the defenders. Ward aims a shot but is tripped by Fuertes. The referee points to the penalty spot.

Fuertes is furious at the referee and chases him down, earning the centre-back a yellow card. Arnaud holds him back, but Pavon is equally as furious and expressing his anger towards the referee is given his marching orders. The replay shows that the challenge was a good two feet outside of the area and should warrant nothing more than a free-kick and a possible booking. Bury comforts a distraught Pavon and they share a knowing glance. Belmore has a word with Fuertes and they both seem to be in agreeance about something, but O`Malley refuses to talk to anyone, knowing that he has a penalty to take.

The stadium goes silent, as Aaron O`Malley places the ball down on the penalty spot. He walks back, turns, trots up to the ball and strikes it low to the goalkeepers right. Allen guesses the right way but the ball flies underneath his torso. Audioslavia lead 5-4.

Squornshelous look disheartened, but a few wise words from the experienced Jackson and Knorr help to keep their minds on the job. With only five minutes left in the game, Squornshelous try to equalise.

Jackson goes for a long-range strike but his shot is saved by Pedder, Jackson again has a shot blocked by the defence, and Knorr sees a diving header spin harmlessly away from the goal. Running into injury time, Squornshelous plan their last attack, but a through-ball from Richards is cut out by Bury, and as he launches a ball up front to the two strikers, the final whistle blows.

Final Score at 'The Can' in Lemvoola:

Audioslavia 5
Maidens 49
Shearer 69, 82
Murphy 84
O`Malley 113pen
Squornshelous 4
Jackson 1, 21
Knorr 57
Pavon 90+2

first time past the second-round and all that \o/
<-- first time past the first round :P
IC:
Two More Games For The Bulldogs - Another 2-0 Win Sends World Cup Team To Semifinals
LEMMINGTON, LEMMITANIA - Yesterday's 2-0 defeat of the Oglethorpia Bureaucrats (known in Oglethorpia as the Wonderteam) gave the Commerce Heights Bulldogs a slot in the semifinal and a chance to win in the final or third-place playoff - neither of which Bedistan's Lions were able to do in their three consecutive semifinal appearances (WC7-9). The match started with the Bulldogs heading for their own goal, with Alan Belmore attacking and scoring an own goal. The officials, however, were so confused by the tactic that the scoreboard showed "Commerce Heights 1-0 Oglethorpia", and protests by the Bureaucrats were insufficient to cause the score to be changed. By the second half, many Bureaucrats players were causing injuries to themselves, and, though no one knows why, it is suspected by some that the RP bonus machine was penalizing the Bureaucrats for being inconsistent in their "Bureaucratic Tribune" match report for the previous game about who scored the goal in the 90th minute. The erratic behavior ceased in the 61st minute, when Quigley knocked the ball in the same goal that Belmore did earlier in the game, though this time the person in front of it was a Bureaucrat, not a Bulldog. Consistent play by the Bulldogs throughout the rest of the game allowed the score to be maintained, and the Bulldgos walked away with another win and a slot in the semifinals against the "Sound Slaves" (sometimes referred to simply as the 'slaves) of Audioslavia.
Final Score:
(15) Commerce Heights 2 (A. Belmore #n+1 OG? 1, Quigley 61)
(14) Oglethorpia 0 - FT
[code:1:60dc8d264f]G. Zucchini 1-|
|G. Zucchini 1-|
Timway 0-| |
|Rejistania-----|
Kerla 0-| | |
|Rejistania 2-| |
Rejistania 4-| |
|---------------|
TnUI 1-| | |
HAS 3-2 APK |Halfassed. 0-| | |
Halfassed. 1-| | | |
AET (0-0 FT) |The L. Clans---| |
Tanah Burung 1-| | |
|The L. Clans 1-| |
The L. Clans 3-| |
|----------------
E. Brittania 1-| |
|Audioslavia 5-| |
Audioslavia 2-| | |
AET (4-4 FT) |Audioslavia----| |
Warnocks W. 2-| | | |
|Squorn. 4-| | |
Squorn. 3-| | |
|---------------|
Oglethorpia 4-| |
|Oglethorpia 0-| |
East Spaam 1-| | |
|Commerce H.----|
Lemmitania 0-| |
|Commerce H. 2-|
Commerce H. 2-|[/code:1:60dc8d264f]

Audioslavia Vs Commerce Heights
Slaves and Bulldogs (one syllable away from being an old Soundgarden album track :))

Flashback: Eight years ago


Three second-half goals secured the 'slaves a place in the World Cup second round

Two of the goals came from centre-back Lee Branson. Branson was brilliant, playing like he had something up his ass the whole game. The first goal came from a corner on 50 minutes, as Branson dove in at the far post to head the 'slaves into the lead. The second goal came two minutes later, Branson again putting Bury through to knock the ball past Votiljo.

After the two-goal shock, Commerce Heights dug their heels in and worked their asses off, thwarting the next few Audioslavia attacks and slowly building the pressure up, forcing two good saved from Pedder, first from a rocket of a shot from Decker, the second from a close-range header from Quigley which he somehow knocked round the post.

It was impossible to believe that Commerce Heights wouldnt score any time soon, but the more time went on, the more desperate the attacks were getting, and the more Audioslavia's defence could re-group and contain the dangerous CH attackers.

On 80 minutes however, substiute Eric Lojkovic got the better of Alex Wilton on the wing, and expertly faked a cross which fooled Chris Lamb out if his shorts. He cut inside into the penalty area bearing down on the goal. Just as he was about to get a shot away however, John Harrison dived in recklessly and brought Lojkovic down in a heap. Harrison was duly sent from the field, and Quigley came up to take the penalty.

Quigley's spot-kick sent Pedder the wrong way, but ricoched off the post and out of play. Pedder recovered and booted the goal-kick upfield, falling for Bury, whos one-two with Willow sent Bury through in a one-on-one with CH's keeper Vojtilo. Vojtilo spread himself and blocked the shot, but the rebound came out to Lee Branson who chipped the ball over the defence and into the empty net.

CH's heads dropped at the 3-0 scoreline, and the 'slaves held on to the end.

Final Score

Audioslavia 3 (Branson 52, 82, Bury 54)
Commerce Heights 0

DUM DUM DUMMM

Zack De La Rocha stands on top of the announcer's desk, grabs a mic, and starts rapping

Zack: Comin to ya live from the land o' tha' Gil
Its Channel One News at the side of the field
We got the slaves and the bulldogs known as Commerce Heights
And now we join the action in the thick of the fight!

Branson's aint suspended no more, he's alright
Although he's currently playing like a bag of shite
He's still captain of the 'slaves and the man at the back
Tho its easy to get round him cos his skeelz are slack!

In the goals we got this fella, he's called Matty Pedder
He's the man between the sticks, keepin' tha' team together
For 10 fuckin' years he's been there for the 'slaves
But he's let 10 goals in, in half as many games!

O`Malley's our best striker, he's a real Sk1LLXx0r
He's gonna score as many goals as Alan Belmore
He's got a new job now, a team in Giant Zucchini
Who wear Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Bikinis!

So the games just startin' y'all its a minute away
Y'all about to see the semis between CH and the 'slaves
Now get down to tha field and watch the 'slavia kick off
Hey Brad Tom and Timmy....... SET IT OFF!

The other three members of Rage Against The Machine play another tired heavy funk riff in D, and the camera pans across to the field, where Maidens kicks the ball to O`Malley, and the first semi-final of World Cup XII kicks off. The two team sheets appear on the screen:

[code:1:2bf54a520e]
1
Vojtilo

10 11 12 13
Cebrat Yee Peng Jolly

20 21 22
Zaidi Hufschmidt McCormick

30 31 32
Sherwood Quigley Modde
CH
-----------------------------------
AS
7 19
O`Malley Belmore

17 8 10 15 4
Jensen Croft Shearer Marsden Ward

21 5 2
Carsley Reid Branson

1
Pedder[/code:1:2bf54a520e]


Audioslavia start the better side, dictating the pace of the game and refusing to show the ball to the CH side. Just as it appears that the 'slaves are just keeping possession of the ball for the sake of it, O`Malley plays Jensen through with a beautiful ball, his shot is well saved by Vojtilo, but Craig Belmore is on hand to pick up the pieces, and gain his first ever goal for Audioslavia in eight years.

Audioslavia stay on top of the game for most of the first half, coming close through an O`Malley header and a long range effort from Aiden Carsley which rattles the cross-bar. Audioslavia seem to be in such good form that Paul Ward is even playing well!

Commerce Heights cant seem to make an impact on the game, although Quigley comes close after taking on Branson and Reid in the 'slaves defence, only to be penalised for an alleged elbow to Reid's face, earning him a yellow card. The game pauses for a while whilst a few Bulldog players vent their anger at the referee.

The fracas zaps Commerce Height's concentration at a vital time, and Audioslavia capitalise by going up the field, passing round a frustrated CH defence and scoring through a cool O`Malley finish.

By half-time, Audioslavia are 2-0 up and cruising. Unfortunately, Commerce Heights make a tactical substitution, replacing the ineffective Darren Yee with one Alan Belmore. After half-time, CH began to take control of the game

Alan Belmore cancelled out the GODMODding powers of Audioslavia's own puny Craig Belmore, and the wheels of the "rand* # Gen" began turning the other way.

First Alan Belmore gained his side a penalty, as Alan Belmore tripped over the outstretched leg of Alan Belmore. The Audioslavians cried Foul, but seeing as 'Foul' is Gesamkuntswerkian for Spatchcock the referee was merely confused, and Alan Belmore despatched the penalty for 2-1

Ten minutes later Quigley was fouled on the edge of the box, and Belmore scored a magnificent free-kick, with the ball rebounding off each of the floodlights before bouncing into the goal. 2-2

The Bulldogs needed only two minutes to take the lead, as Alan Belmore was tackled on the edge of the box by Branson, but the ball ran out to Quigley who lobbed a stranded Matt Pedder to put the bulldogs into the lead.

Audioslavia however, knew what they had to do to stand any chance in the match. With 20 minutes left, James Reid ran into an unsuspecting Alan Belmore and broke both of his legs. The striker will probably be injured for a whole hour, as his godmodding skeelz allow him to regenerate like a motherf*cker.

Audioslavia pulled level in the 85th minute, Craig Belmore's replacement Wayne Bury played a through-ball to Aaron O`Malley, who's delicate chip brought the game into extra time.

The two sides battled hard throughout extra-time, with Sherwood coming close twice for CH, and Bury forcing a good save from Vojtilo. The deciding goal came on the stroke of half-time in extra-time, as Callum Jensen let fly from the edge of the box, Vojtilo blocked with his feet, and Aaron O`Malley arrived into the box to get his second hat-trick of the tournament.

Final Score (AET)

Audioslavia 4
C. Belmore 9
O`Malley 32, 85, 105
Commerce Heights 3
A. Belmore 52, 67
Quigley 70

West Gaddland sign up for WC13

Hey Lemmitania, have you started the WC 13 roster post yet, if so could you post the link here.

Thanks, Queen ShyButterfly of Lovebug

Idine Sala: Hejida listeners, you are tuned in to radio RejisCAST, the only english speaking radio station in Rejistania. As you have guessed, we have a reporter in Lemmitania to report the match between the Orange-Blues and The Lowland Clans, but this time it isn't Elin Ri, but Sirake Tekim, welcome back Sirake!

Sirake Tekim: Thanks! Hejida to all listeners of Radio RejisCAST!

IS: May I ask why you are back?

ST: You may. If this time the connection fails again, Radio RejisCAST can put his name into the guiness book of world records, I always wanted my name there.

Elin Ri: Hejida listerens, I am still second moderator and technical guru here. someone must keep the broadcast running since we don't want to replace Radio Abysmal City from Abysmalistan.

ST: Both would be a novelty: an entry in the book of world records and a broadcast without problems.

ER: The technicans did their best to make the connection work fine. we won't have any prob...
(at this time, a loud noise is heard, in the connection)

IS: We just had problems, Elin!

ST: Never trust the techs then

ER: Merely: never employ cheap techs and highly paid moderators.

IS: We are not in Lemmitania, tell me about the match!

ST: Ok, The Orange-Blues are in their first semifinal, the roster, Hexen Imdila has announced has no surprises: Daki'he is in goal, defenders are Kansu'he, I Kansu'he, SeJaNil and Xika~o.

ER: No surprises you say? Kiru'he, or as you call him SeJaNil, and Xika~o'he are a very seldom combination!

ST: Oops. Anyway, midfielders are Yla'he from kaletri, Jaras'he, Kansu'he and Linkosa.

ER: Hana Kansu you mean.

ST: Yes, sorry. The forwards are Xese and Jen Y.

ER: Here are no surprises, DaJaNil and Xese are the perhaps best forwards in entire Rejistania

ST: You forgot SyLy.

ER: SyLy has passed his zenith. He is still good, but he is not world class anymore.

ST: Well, perhaps he isn't that good anymore, but he is surely the most famous player.

ER: We can agree on that.

ST: Now for The Lowland Clans... Elin?

ER: Yes?

ST: Can you make head or tail of this?*

ER: Let me see... goalie is Greg Devore... I don't exactly can assigne the names to the positions...

ST: I guess they are a bit more international than we are.

ER: surely. I guess Rejistania is the only country in which a loss gives you one point.

IS: For our international listeners: The Rejistanian league gives one point more than normal: 4 for a win, 2 for a draw, 1 for a loss.

ER: Thanks for explaining that. We'll just see how they play and then we can assign the positions they play on.

ST: Good idea. The clans won the toss of the coin and captain... Mark Jeremy decided that they play in the better direction. The Orange-Blues will be blinded by the sun when attacking.

ER: the referee blows his whistle, the semifinal between Rejistania and The Lowland Clans has started.

ST: Referee in this match is a progressan first-league referee, which is a good sign. The 'Stars' from the Lowland Clans prefer a physical match, while the Rejistanians are normally very fair. In the Progressan league, the rejistanian style is prevailing.

(15th minute)
ST: That is Illius'he, wins the duel with Kiru'he and...

ER: Oh my slani god, that was close!

ST: Illius'he missed, the score is still 0-0. Elin, improve your language!

ER: Sorry, I was reacting instinctivly.

(23rd minute)
ST: Oh, that was a clear foul of Jergen'he. The referee didn't agree on this, Jergen'he has the ball, I Kansu is there but Jergen'he outsmarts him, Jergen'he shoots... That's the save of Daki'he!

(45th minute + injury time)
ST: The first half just ended. despite two 100% chances for the Stars and one good chance for the Orange-Blues, the score is still 0-0. The Orange-Blues had some good chnces, but in my opinion they played too defensively.

ER: i guess they are scared of conceding one goal.

ST: Then they need to score two more! it's so simple! Two players of the stars were warned, one for the second time, so he won't play in the vinali tikira.

IS: Thrid place-playoff that is.

ER: ...or in the final.

ST: No, The Orange-Blues will play there!

ER: I hope so, too.

(46th minute)
IS: ...back to Lemmitania! How are things there?

ST: The match just started, now the Orange-Blues have the advantage of the sun. The coach of the Lowland Clans made no substitution, but Hexen Imdila did: SyLy plays instead of Jen 'DaJaNil' Y.

ER: The rejistanian soccer legend plays again.

ST: Now the Orange-Blues are bound to win.

(54th minute)
ST: The best chance for the Orange-Blues in this match: Linkosa'he has the ball... Oh, brutal foul from Rose'he! That belongs into a speedball match, but not into soccer. The referee decides for free kick for the Orange-Blues and warns Rose'he.

ER: SeJaNil will surely shoot it, although also Linkosa'he and SyLy also stand there.

ST: Doesn't mean anything, Kiru'he always does it. Kiru'he starts running.. no, he just faked, SyLy shoots...

ER: XXXXKKKKKOOOOOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAA!

ST: (also excited) That's the 1-0 for the Orange-Blues! Yay, SyLy!

(67th minute)
ST: The match is still very fast and one of the most exciting matches of the Orange-Blues ever. The Stars didn't give up, they are fighting for the equalizer like lions.

ER: and the Orange-Blues are fighting like cheetahs to extend the lead.

ST: like cheetahs?

ER: Fast and deadly.

ST: Oh. (short pause) Jaras'he lost the ball to McKeehan'he. He dashes in the direction of Daki'he. Sanan'he get's to him, wins the running duel, gets the ball.

ER: Poooh, that was close!

ST: It was. Sanan'he passes to I Kansu'he, he forward to Xika~o'he.

ER: (exited) They are starting a counter attack!

ST: Yes, they do. The ball is in the Stars' half now. Fast passes between Xika~o'he and Jaras'he seem to trouble the Stars. No one did believe that the south mintanian would perform so good in the national team.

ER: Just because you are full of prejudices.

ST: Ah, you are assuming that only because you're from Sike!

ER: XXXXKKKKKOOOOOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAA! XXXIIII-JJJAAAA-NIIIIL!

ST: Jen Y archieved the 2-0 in the counter attack. The Stars would need 3 goals to go through, but there are only 22 minutes to play.

(89th minute)
ST: The referee signalized three minutes injury time, but the Stars are in need of a wonder if they want to change the result. The Orange-Blues are in the final!

ER: Speaking about a wonder: did you realize that the connection actually wor---
(at this time the connection breaks down again, the score didn't change)

Commerce Heights Media International Report - World Cup 12
Michael Orange: Hello, and welcome to CHMI's coverage of World Cup 12. I'm Michael Orange...

Anita Volta: And I'm Anita Volta, filling in for Alan Belmore #n+2. For those of you just joining us, let's start with a recap of the third-place playoff between Commerce Heights and The Lowland Clans...

MO: [whisper] Can't we just get to the score, and then worry about the highlights?

Director: No, we can't! Now do you want your paycheck, or not?

AV: Well, uh, we were having a few technical difficulties with our match footage, but we seem to have it under control now. Let's start with a view of the entrance an hour before the match:

[a video is shown of the entrance, showing thousands of Bulldogs fans entering the stadium and getting their complimentary "GODMOD!" card to hold up during the match]

MO: As you can see, there wasn't a single Stars fan in sight. I've heard rumors that they don't even tell people about the matches in The Lowland Clans - what do you think of that, Anita?

AV: I think it's not very relevant to the match. Anyway, any Stars fans that were at the match pretended to side with Commerce Heights, as all 89,600 "GODMOD!" signs were handed out.

MO: Anyway, moving on to the match itself, the still-mysterious RP bonus machine seemed to have an effect early on, as defender Alan Belmore ran into the ball, somehow accelerating it and causing it to toss a Stars player into the stands.

AV: The scene of 89,600 "GODMOD!" signs raised would become familiar later in the match...

MO: Yes, we certainly saw that a lot. Belmore was given the red card, but a blue-green card was thrown from somewhere in the stands, hitting the red card and making it white. The "GODMOD!" signs were raised again, and the culprit was identified as Alan Belmore #n-35.

AV: Those Alan Belmores are all the same to me. How did they know it was #n-35?

MO: Anita, this is a match report.

AV: Oh, yes, sorry. In the 12th minute, a great burst of light blinded the Stars, allowing Belmore and Quigley to fight over who got to score the goal. Quigley knocked the ball in, and the "GODMOD!" signs were raised, some at Alan Belmore, some at the mysterious person in the stands that the light seemed to come from, suspected to be someone known only as Margaret.

MO: Anita, you took some of my lines.

AV: [in a mocking tone] Mike, this is a match report.

MO: Well, anyway, the light screwed up some of the equipment, and the video feed sort of disappeared.

AV: We got it back in the 34th minute, and we didn't think anything exciting had happened until we saw the "GODMOD!" signs in the crowd and the scoreboard, which said that the Bulldogs led 2-0.

MO: In the 36th minute, Belmore took down three Stars players, for which he was sent off. The signs, which you should all know by now, were raised again, though one fan was raising the back of the sign, where he had hurriedly scribbled "MDOALERT!"

AV: You'd think that the person that came up with that idea would have been able to spell it right...

MO: Yes, I would.

AV: At that time, a vendor started going around the stands, selling markers for people to write their own messages on the backs of their "GODMOD!" signs with. The "MODALERT!" sign became useful again in the 44th minute, when Belmore tried to get himself back into play. Despite the crowd noticing, the officials did not, and Belmore was allowed to play even in the second half.

MO: Speaking of the second half, let's take a Marketing Direct™ break for these advertisements...

<TAG>

(i agreed to RP the first 90 minutes of the final, but i dont have time :( however i know Lemmy is interested in RPing the match so if he wants to do it ahead of me (i wont be on for another 24 hours :() he's more than welcome :))

From the Capitalist propaganda paper "Capitalism"

Insider report on Rejistania

What come to mind when you think of the Rejistanians? The halfwit that managed to get herself arrested in Tranquillitis? Their halfwit first Lentine who has decided to interact with our halfwit government? Or their halfwit multi-cultural and sociallist views? No, what comes to our mind (surprisingly) is their victory in the lefty controled cup (12 leftys to 4 sane nations in the wcc). We ask whether this whole thing was a coup by the corrupt sociallists of the world. With both the finalists from sociallist background, Capaitilism investigates the conspiricy against sane nations. If we look back at the last 11 winners we get a clear picture of what has happened. There has been 9 lefty winners (Rejistania, Lemmitania, Europa Brittania [2 times], Giant Zucchini, Crosshill, Errinundera, Liverpool England and Dennisov) and Brazillico's 2 wins make up the only right wing spots. We are outraged by the WCC and are now insisting that when all unfair descisions were made against Capatilist governements (such as bad refereeing) the scores are reversed in favour of capatilism, or we will take them to a war crimes tribuneral. The WCC is obviously biased against any nations that believe in the free market, and they by no showdow of a doubt want powercrazy lefties such as Alan Belmore to evilliy and unfairly rule nations. DOWN WITH SOCIALLISM, HELP THE CAPATILISTS IN A REVOLT AGAINST OUR CORRUPT GOVERNMET! ALL WE WANT IS FREEDOM OF THE MARKET!

*This postscript was not added by the Ariddia*, the newspaper herby retracts all statements they are false lies

From the Capitalist propaganda paper "Capitalism"

Insider report on Rejistania

If we look back at the last 11 winners we get a clear picture of what has happened. There has been 9 lefty winners (Rejistania, Lemmitania, Europa Brittania [2 times], Giant Zucchini, Crosshill, Errinundera, Liverpool England and Dennisov) and Brazillico's 2 wins make up the only right wing spots.

Aha! So that's why our Capitalist Paradise nation couldn't win World Cup 8! :P

From the Capitalist propaganda paper "Capitalism"

Insider report on Rejistania

If we look back at the last 11 winners we get a clear picture of what has happened. There has been 9 lefty winners (Rejistania, Lemmitania, Europa Brittania [2 times], Giant Zucchini, Crosshill, Errinundera, Liverpool England and Dennisov) and Brazillico's 2 wins make up the only right wing spots.

Aha! So that's why our Capitalist Paradise nation couldn't win World Cup 8! :P

OOC: Have you no respect for my nation CH? GAH! I say war :P, but seriously, you should have some respect for the nation you play! *goes back to grumbling over the two two nil losses in a row*

<OOC>Having obtained broadcast rights from Audioslavia, and being invited to write the first 90 mintues’ commentary, here is the final broadcast for Clem and Gil. Apologies to either side if I have selected the wrong starters from your roster. I made an attempt, but may have misinterpreted.</OOC>

Live from Narrowhead Stadium in Lemsas City, this is the Voice of the Lemmings, Clem Gilson, live on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, we bring you coverage of the final match of World Cup Twelve as the ‘Slaves of Audioslavia face the Orange-Blues of Rejistania. All Lemmitania is abuzz over our southern neighbor’s first appearance in the World Cup final, with half the nation cheering them on and half hoping to see them fall flat. We’ve been listening to the pre-match entertainment for the past half hour, but with Lemmy Lemster wrapping up his set, it’s time to get ready for kickoff. Joining me in the booth are your commentators for the game, Gil Lemson, and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Lana Malestrom. Gil, Lana, welcome to the broadcast.

Lana: Thanks Clem, always glad to be ‘ere.

Gil: Hmmph. ‘oo ever ‘eard of a female Dean?

Lana: Wot a sexist bastard you are!

Gil: I’m never, either! I’m jus’ sayin’.

Clem: You’re just saying what?

Gil: I’m jus’ sayin’, it ain’t right.

Lana: An’ wot, pray tell, ain’t right about it?

Gil: You can’t be Dean of sports! I’ve spent me entire career workin’ towards that ti’le.

Clem: The hell you have. You snatched the title away from Shemp Wooley with a lawsuit.

Lana: I’m pissed at you Gil, so I ain’t even gonna stand up for you an’ say it was old Gil ‘oo stole Shemp’s ti’le.

Gil: All this talk of old an’ new Gil ‘as me stonkered.

Clem: You should apologize to women for that stupid comment, Gil.

Gil: Which one?

Clem: The one about ‘Who ever heard of a female Dean?’

Gil: Oh, thet one. Do they let women be Deans now, then?

Lana: There’ve been women Deans for years, Gil. ‘ell, the President of Lemmington National University is a woman.

Gil: ‘e is? Ol’ Jack Lemmicutty?

Clem: Jack Lemmicutty died twenty years ago.

Gil: So ‘oo’s president of LNU now?

Lana: I don’t remember ‘er name. But I know she’s a woman.

Gil: Wull, I don’t buy it.

Clem: You’re an idiot.

Gil: I need proof!

Clem: Yeah, sure you do.

Lana: We’re waitin’ for an apology, Gil.

Gil: You an’ ‘oo else?

Lana: Me an’ women everywhere!

Gil: Oh. Them.

Clem: What are you, getting senile in your old age?

Gil: I ain’t old.

Lana: No, that’s old Gil ‘oo’s old.

Clem: Right, right. Now, they’re clearing the field and the teams are about to be introduced. The stadium is a sea of blue and orange.

Gil: Vomit, you mean?

Clem: I mean fans in the Audioslavian and Rejistanian colors.

Gil: Oh, yeh, yeh. I wonder where Mad-ass Zach is?

Clem: Probably in the booth next door. That being the Audioslavian broadcasting booth.

Gil: Wot?! They let that maniac into their booth?

Lana: Zach’s been a commentator for Audioslavian football matches for years, Gil.

Gil: Hmm. I think I see ‘im down on the field.

Clem: Where?

Gil: There. In Audioslavian football kit.

Clem: That? That’s Jack Croft.

Gil: They don’t let Mad-ass Zach play any more, eh?

Clem: No, they don’t. Not since he retired.

Gil: ‘Cause ‘e’s right crazy, ‘e is.

Clem: You’re right crazy. They’re introducing the sides now. You can probably hear the introductions in the background.

Gil: Yes, I can. Good P.A. system they ‘ave ‘ere in Lemsas.

Clem: I was talking to our listeners.

Gil: Talk about crazy ideas, Clem.

Clem: So for the ‘Slaves, Matty Pedder in goal. Defenders are Lee Branson, at right-back, Aaron O’Hara at left-back, James Reid, and Sean Flitcroft at center-back. Midfielders are Paul Ward at left wing, Jack Croft and Nicky Shearer in center, and Dave Mill at right wing. And the strikers are Aaron O’Malley and Iain Maiden.

Lana: For the Orange-Blues, the starters are Nana Daki in goal, Kansu Kiru, Kansu Sanan, an’ Sijij Kansu on defense, Lyku Jaras, Hana Kansu, Inik Linkosa, an’ Su Rajin in midfield, an’ at striker, Xeseja Su, Jen Y, an’ Syku Lyku.

Clem: And the officials bring the captains to midfield for the cointoss. Linkosa of Rejistania will call it, and chooses heads; and heads it is. So the Orange-Blues will begin with possession. Branson chooses to defend the left end of the field. As the sides get ready, we’ll break for some important messages. When we return, it’ll be kickoff in the final match of World Cup Twelve.

...

Clem: Welcome back to Lemsas City, where we’re about to bring you the championship match of the twelfth World Cup of football, between the Audioslavia ‘Slaves and the Rejistania Orange-Blues. Jen Y is set to kick it off for Rejistania. The official signals the start of play, Jen passes to Lyku, and we’re under way in the final.

Lana: This match ‘as been a long time comin’ for Audioslavia. This is a football program that’s struggled mightily over the years, with more than its share of setbacks.

Clem: Starting off with a second-round appearance in their World Cup debut, way back in Four, when the team was led by Jake LaMotta, Chris O’Donnell, and of course Zach de la Rocha.

Gil: Those were the good old days.

Lana: Rejistania’s moved the ball into ‘Slave territory, testin’ out the defense. Jen ‘as it, facin’ Branson, an’ she passes to Linkosa now; Branson gets a toe on the ball, it’s out, an’ Linkosa to throw it in.

Clem: The ‘Slave defense has had its troubles this tournament. There was a three-nil loss to the Oglethorpia Wonderteam in the group stage. And a five-four extra-time squeaker over the Squornshelous Psychoes in the quarterfinal round.

Lana: It’s an on-again, off-again defense. The Orange-Blues will certainly be puttin’ it to the test tonight.

Clem: O’Hara with a clean tackle, and Branson comes up with the ball. Su challenges him, but Branson gets it up the field to Croft, and we’ll see the ‘Slaves going into attacking mode here.

Gil: I wouldn’t wanna be attacked by slaves.

Clem: No, me neither. Speaking of which, I should mention-- to our listeners-- that we have tape of that second-round match from World Cup Four, when the Lemmings beat the ‘Slaves to advance to the quarterfinals for the first time. We’ll be running some of it a little later in the broadcast.

Gil: Those were the good old days.

Clem: Yeah, you said that.

Gil: An’ I meant it. Apparently. Seein’ as I said it twice.

Clem: You remember those days fondly, do you?

Gil: Yes. That was back when I was Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Lana: You were never Dean of Lemmitanian sports!

Gil: Oh, right, right. I meant, that was back when old Gil was Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Clem: Actually, that was back when Shemp Wooley was Dean of Lemmitanian sports. The original Dean of sports.

Gil: Shemp! ‘Infuriatin’ Shemp,’ they used t’call ‘im.

Clem: No one ever called him that. And I think you were the only one who was infuriated by him.

Lana: O’Malley ‘eads it toward the goal, but Daki’s right there to stop it. Mill ‘ad it on the right side of the box, an’ with a nice pass, gave O’Malley a good opportunity. But ‘e couldn’t quite angle it past the keeper. Daki now rolls it out to Linkosa as the teams move back toward the Audioslavian end of the pitch.

Clem: That was a decent opportunity, coming early in the match. But the pass was a little rushed, Mill having to get it off before Kansu Sanan got in the way.

Lana: Gettin’ back to speakin’ of the ‘Slaves ups an’ downs, after that brilliant start in World Cup Four, they came back in World Cup Five and failed to qualify. For a good ten years after that, the program was synonymous with bein’ overrated an’ fallin’ flat.

Clem: It took seveal Cups before the team climbed back to respectability. Getting rid of all the musicians helped.

Lana: Absolutely. The original ‘Slaves lineup was all mooonlightin’ as rock an’ rollers. Football wasn’t their passion.

Clem: Even Zach de la Rocha, who’s passionate about everything (either for it or against it) was more focused on his anti-estalishment rap-music career than on his game.

Lana: Ironically, ‘e was one of the only ones they kept on the team when the musicians were purged.

Clem: A couple of them were even shot.

Lana: Yeh, they do things a li’le radically down there.

Clem: To put it mildly. Y and Su have been moving the ball around, with Croft clearing it back to midfield, where Shearer and Rajin try for it. It’s Rajin who comes away with the ball, passing forward to Su who gives it to Lyku.

Lana: ‘ostin’ World Cup Seven with Lemmitania got the ‘Slaves auto-qualification, an’ it was a boost to the program. They got back into the second round, an’ since then they’ve remained in the mid ranks of the top international programs. They’ve qualified regularly without ever crackin’ the quarterfinals. Then las’ time around, they ‘ad a disastrous outing in Total n Utter Insanity.

Clem: Disastrous not in terms of their performance, but literally, in that most of the team was murdered by Insaniacan vigilantes.

Lana: It could well ‘ave turned into a major international incident, if the Audioslavian government was well enough organized to, say, respond to the murder of its citizens by foreign radicals.

Clem: But if there’s one thing the Audioslavian government isn’t, it’s organized.

Gil: The Audioslavian government is too organized! It fights the Man.

Clem: It is the Man.

Lana: The crux of the problem. ‘ow can you simultaneously be anti-establishment an’ be the establishment?

Gil: ‘at’s Anarchy, is wot that is.

Clem: Well, ironically, they have a pretty orderly society down there. Not much sign of anarchy.

Lana: Croft innerceptin’ a pass from Lyku now, and runs it back across midfield to the Rejistanian side. Passes to Maiden.

Clem: Anyway, the ‘Slaves recovered nicely from the elimination of most of the team. After a decent qualifying campaign, they rebounded this time around, and here they are getting past the second round for the first time, and all the way to the championship match.

Lana: Now, Rejistania, by comparison, is playin’ in their fourth Cup, an’ they’ve ‘ad a more or less steady rise.

Clem: They’ve improved consistently since their first appearance in World Cup Nine, and it’s not surprising that they’ve made the final this time around. Early on, oddsmakers were favoring them as one of the likelier teams to win the tournament.

Lana: An’ Audioslavia as well. Innerestin’ that the defendin’ champions, Europa Brittania, dropped out early, as they did in World Cup Ten, after winnin’ Nine.

Clem: Maybe they’ll be back to win the next one.

Lana: Mebbe. O’Malley with a shot on goal, deflected by Kiru, an’ Sanan and Shearer battle for it. Sanan clears it, but Mill gets a foot on it out at midfield. ‘Slaves go back on the attack.

Gil: I’d ‘ate to be attacked by slaves.

Clem: You keep repeating yourself, Gil.

Gil: That ain’t me. Mebbe it’s old Gil you’re thinkin’ of.

Clem: I think you’re losing it.

Lana: It’s the pressure of tryin’ to keep old Gil an’ new Gil straight in ‘is ‘ead.

Clem: Seems like a good time to run our first clip.

Gil: Wot clip?

Clem: Our first audio clip from the World Cup Four second round match between Audioslavia and Lemmitania.

Gil: Those were the good old days.

Clem: Just to remind ourselves that old Gil was brain-damaged as well, I queued up an apropos clip.

Gil: Di’n’t you queue up the clips before the match started?

Clem: Before the broadcast, yes.

Gil: ‘ow did you know which ones would be apropos?

Clem: I just had a feeling. Let’s roll the tape.

[code:1:1e58129718]Gil: The captains of the two teams are out at midfield, that’s-- lemme see that program. Zach de la Rocha for Audioslavia an’ Mick Mickelson for Lemmitania.

Clem: Mick Mickelson’s not captain of Lemmitania, Mick Chang is. For cripes sake, you’re even reading off the program and you got it wrong.

Gil: Then ‘ow come Mick Mickelson’s out at midfield?

Clem: That’s Mick [i]Chang[/i]. Look. You see that guy on the sideline, number fifteen, with blond hair and blue eyes and the name “Mickelson” printed on his back? [i]That’s[/i] Mick Mickelson. You see the guy at midfield, number four, Asian, with the name “Chang” on his back? That’s Mick [i]Chang[/i]. How the hell do you keep mixing them up?

Gil: They’re both named Mick.

Clem: So what?!

Gil: An’ they look precisely alike.

Clem: Is something wrong with your brain?

Gil: Not that I’m aware of.

Clem: Is there some reason that two guys who look nothing alike get mixed up in your head just because they have the same first name? Maybe you should see a specialist.

Gil: Wot sort of specialist?

Clem: I don’t know. A semiologist or something.

Gil: As long as ‘e don’t poke me with needles or anythin’. Sally, could you get a semiologist in to see me at ‘alftime?... Don’t ask [i]me[/i] wot that is. It was Clem wot said it.

Clem: Just forget it. I think you’re hopeless.

Gil: I ‘ope not.[/code:1:1e58129718]

Lana: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Rejistania ‘as a shot on goal while we were listenin’ to that. Lyku kicked it from the right side of the box, but Pedder wrapped it up an ‘as tossed it back out to midfield.

Clem: O’Malley and Maiden have gotten behind the defense-- they only have one defender to beat, Kansu Kiru. Maiden sprinting toward the Rejistanian goal, and the only question is whether he’ll take the shot himself or pass it to O’Malley... He takes it himself-- goal! Kiru never got in front of him, covering the pass, and Maiden waited until he was on top of Diku and put it just out of his reach.

Lana: A lucky break for the ‘Slaves, gettin’ the Orange-Blues by surprise a li’le bit, and movin’ it past ‘em. At twenty minutes, Audioslavia goes up one goal to nil.

...

Clem: It’s halftime in Lemsas City, with the Audioslavia ‘Slaves leading the Rejistania Orange-Blue by a score of one-nil, on a goal by Iain Maiden in the twentieth minute. With me in the booth are Gil Lemson and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Lana Maelstrom. We’ll be joined by a special guest in just a few minutes, and by way of introduction I have a few more segments from that World Cup Four match queued up to play. So let’s go to the tape.

[code:1:1e58129718]Clem: Audioslavia again on the attack, looking for a second goal, and the way things have been going, that would probably be an insurmountable lead. Chris Connell with the ball at the top of the box, Spud and Chang are right there with him and he passes it to Marotta who sends it to de la Rocha--

Gil: “Mad Zach,” they call ‘im.

Clem: No, they don’t.

Gil: Yes, they do.
[/code:1:1e58129718]

[code:1:1e58129718]Gil: McSheen’s been keeping Zach down all along. ‘e’s ‘ad excellent coverage on ‘im, an’ I think Zach’s just frustrated.

Clem: I’m astounded that you’ve seen enough of the game to draw that conclusion.

Gil: I see all.

Clem: The hell you do. Now Connell’s leading de la Rocha off the field, having some trouble getting him to go, but he does seem to be getting Zach to calm down a little. None of their teammates seem like they want to get near de la Rocha. Connell seems like the only one who can bring him under control.

Gil: ‘e’s got a lot of anger, that one does. “Mad Zach,” they call ‘im.

Clem: No they [i]don’t[/i].

Gil: Maybe they do.

Clem: Is Chris Connell a sound guardian for such an explosive temper, I wonder?

Gil: Jus’ so long as ‘e doesn’t bite somebody in the knee or something.[/code:1:1e58129718]

[code:1:1e58129718]Clem: Henneman with the ball now, passes it back to Bingson. Audioslavia’s still playing it very tough, even without their captain and spiritual leader, if you will, on the field.

Gil: They call ‘im “Mad Zach.”

Clem: No they don’t.

Gil: Wull, [i]I[/i] do.

Clem: You go right ahead and do that.[/code:1:1e58129718]

Gil: Wot’s the relevance of those clips, then?

Clem: That was when you-- I mean,old Gil first coined the nickname ‘Mad Zach.’

Gil: Mad-ass Zach, you mean.

Clem: The ass is a recent addition.

Gil: Anyroad, ‘oo cares about that ancient ‘istory?

Clem: Those good old days, you mean?

Gil: Yeh. Them.

Clem: Well, our guest may. Here he is.

Gil: Bloody ‘ell! It’s Crazy Mad-ass Zach come to kill me!

Zach: Hello.

Clem: Ladies and gentlemen, Zach de la Rocha. Welcome to the broadcast, Zach.

Zach: Thanks.

Gil: Wot’s ‘e glarin’ at me like that for, Clem?

Clem: I think he has his reasons.

Zach: You know something, Gil? I’ve made my peace with you, man. You’re forgiven for calling me ‘Mad Zach’ for all those years.

Gil: Then why’re you glarin’ at me loik you wanna kill me?

Clem: That’s his ‘peaceful’ look, I think.

Lana: It wasn’t Gil ‘oo did that, anyway, Zach. It was old Gil.

Zach: Hello, Lana. Congratulations on being named Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Lana: Thanks.

Zach: But let’s get one thing straight. I do not maintain pleasant fictions.

Lana: No?

Zach: No. If Gil wants to pretend to be two different people, he can do it on his own time. When I’m in the booth, we acknowledge that Gil’s Gil, the same as he’s always been.

Clem: Talk about your radical ideas. Wow.

Zach: Look, everybody knows Gil never died.

Gil: ‘ow do they know that?

Zach: This wasn’t too widely reported in Lemmitania, but the Audioslavian police conducted an investigation. They thoroughly examined the hotel room where the accident supposedly occurred. And there was no evidence whatsoever that anyone was ever vaporized in there. The only people who were ever fooled by the Grant Rockson bullshit were a bunch of dumb-ass Lemmitanians.

Gil: I dunno, Zach. Or do you prefer to be called ‘Mad-ass?’

Zach: I prefer ‘Zach.’ And what don’t you know, Gil?

Gil: I dunno about this theory of yours that Gil never died. Soun’s pretty fishy to me.

Zach: You’re talking about yourself, Gil.

Gil: No, no. Tell ‘im, Clem.

Clem: I’m just sitting back and watching this. Be careful you don’t make his head explode, Zach.

Zach: The authorities are no longer interested in punishing you, Gil. All the charges expired two decades ago. You can go back to being Gil again. Not new Gil, just Gil.

Clem: Holistic Gil, if you will.

Gil: You’re tryin’ to trick me.

Zach: I’m trying to help you, man.

Gil: Clem, ‘elp! ‘e’s tryin’ to snare me in a web of deceit.

Clem: What deceit? You’re the only deceitful one in the room.

Zach: Gil, I’ve listened to a few of your broadcasts this year. And you know what I’ve noticed? Your brain’s breaking down. It can’t bear the strain of your duplicitous claims any more. If you don’t admit the truth, your head is going to explode.

Gil: No, no. That’s silly.

Zach: Is it? It happens, Gil. There’s even a medical term for it. Sudden Catastrophic Brain Breakdown.

Gil: I’ve never ‘eard of that.

Zach: Clem has. Haven’t you?

Clem: Um... yep. It’s commonly known. More common than Knee-Joint Breakdown, that’s for sure.

Gil: It is?

Zach: Come on, man. Let the healing begin. Set yourself free. You just have to admit... the... truth.

Gil: Um.

Clem: He’s confused.

Zach: Gil. Listen to me. There is no old Gil. There is no Grant Rockson. There’s only Gil. You. You’re the only Gil. The only one there ever was.

Gil: Um...

Zach: Come on, man. I’ve been practicing holistic brain therapy for fifteen years. I know what’s going on in your mind. Let me help you!

Gil: Gee...

Clem: He’s trying to help you, Gil! Listen to him.

Gil: Lana, wot should I do?

Lana: You’re askin’ me?

Gil: Yeh!

Clem: He trusts you because you’re a Lemconder.

Lana: ‘e should trust you. ‘e’s known you for forty years.

Clem: Yeah, well, he’s sued me enough times to destroy the trust base.

Lana: I think you should listen to Zach, Gil.

Gil: Should I? I dunno...

Lana: Okay, as Dean of sports, I order you to listen to Zach.

Gil: Can you do that? I seem to remember I di’n’t ‘ave any authority when I tried doin’ stuff like that when I was Dean of sports.

Clem: You were always levying fines.

Gil: Oh, yeah.

Zach: Gil.

Gil: Yeh?

Zach: You were always levying fines when you were Dean of sports?

Gil: Yeh, that’s right.

Zach: That was before the accident. You’re the one and only Gil! Isn’t that right?

Gil: ...I guess it is.

Zach: So say it!

Lana: Go a’ead, Gil.

Gil: ...I am Gil Lemson. I ‘ave always been Gil Lemson. ...Wow, you know wot? I really do feel a load lifted off me shoulders!

Zach: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Clem: What’s so funny?

Zach: I bet Jeremy Jaffacakes I could get Gil to admit on air that he never died. Ha ha ha ha! You hear that, Jeremy? That’s a twenty you owe me, bitch!

Gil: You know, for the next step in me ‘ealing process-- ‘ey, where’s ‘e goin’?

Clem: Zach de la Rocha, ladies and gentlemen. ‘Mad Zach.’

Lana: I see why they call ‘im that, now.

Clem: The only one who ever called him that was Gil.

Gil: I thought ‘e was gonna stick around an’ be my therapist.

Clem: You know what? You’re crazy.

Lana: An’ it looks like the officials are gettin’ things ready for the second ‘alf, so we’ll break ‘ere for some important messages. We’ll be back for the kickoff.

...

Clem: Sixty-nine minutes, and Rejistania’s pressing hard for the equalizer. There haven’t been too many good opportunities for the Orange-Blues today. They’ve been controlling the ball well througout the second half, though, and the Audioslavian defenders are beginning to look a little tired.

Lana: ‘ey, you know wot’s been botherin’ me? I never did ‘ear wot Shemp Wooley died of.

Clem: Old age.

Lana: Yeh, but wot specifically? Did ‘is ticker jus’ stop?

Gil: It was Lembustitis.

Clem: Lembustitis? What the hell is Lembustitis?

Gil: It's a commonly-known syndrome, Clem.

Clem: Oh, like knee-joint breakdown?

Gil: No, it's nothin' like KJB. Lembustitis involves explodin'.

Clem: Oh, of course. So Shemp exploded, did he?

Gil: Yeh.

Clem: Like hell he did.

Gil: It was in all the papers!

Clem: What papers?

Gil: The newspapers, Clem.

Clem: What newspapers?

Gil: All the newspapers. The GIT, the Dire Times...

Clem: Those are foreign papers. And rags.

Gil: Don't say that! You'll start an international incident!

Clem: So what's this theory of yours that Shemp exploded? I was at his funeral, by the way. Saw the body and everything.

Gil: Yeh? I bet it was messy.

Clem: not particularly.

Gil: Wull, they prolly cleaned 'im up. They don't like stuffin' exploded corpses into coffins and then puttin' 'em on diplay.

Clem: Yeah, maybe they cleaned him up after he exploded.

Gil: Lembustitis, or "Countdown Disease" as it's known to the layman, is a condition in which numbers appear magically above your 'ead an' begin countin' down to zero.

Clem: I see.

Gil: An' when they reach zero, you explode.

Clem: Uh huh.

Gil: It's nasty.

Clem: It's as simple as that, is it?

Gil: Pretty much.

Clem: What causes it?

Gil: No one knows. 'as something to do wit' not gettin' the lemmings to safety in time.

Clem: The lemmings? The football team?

Gil: no, no, the lemmings. The li'le furry animals.

Clem: What the hell are you talking about?

Gil: Anyroad, I'm gonna mebbe start up a fund.

Clem: You didn't answer my question. What the hell are you talking about?

Gil: I'll call it the "Shemp Wooley Memorial Exploding Ex-Dean Fund for the Children."

Clem: You'd better not.

Gil: Why not?

Clem: Shemp sued us for everything we were worth! Don't you think that starting a bogus fund in his name is a bad idea?

Gil: 'oo said anything about the fund bein' bogus?

Clem: Considering that the syndrome you're starting it for is bogus, I don't see how it could not be.

Gil: Wot?! Lembustitis ain't bogus, Clem.

Clem: Of course it is.

Gil: Wull, if Lembustitis is bogus, then wot killed Shemp?

Clem: He was ninety-nine years old!

Gil: And in the prime of 'ealth, if reports are true.

Clem: You'd veen claiming he was dead for years.

Gil: I never did!

Clem: For years and years and years. Since right after he retired, if I recall.

Lana: Some action in the box, as Jen Y takes a shot that Pedder deflects, Lyku comin’ up with it. An’ another shot-- goal! A goal at seventy-four minutes by Syku Lyku ties the score at a goal apiece! Oh, wot a turn of events! After leadin’ for the entire second ‘alf, Audioslavia suddenly find ‘emselves in an even game.

Clem: The disappointment on their faces is palpable. A stark contrast to the jubilation the Rejistanians are expressing.

Lana: Back from the dead, the Orange-Blues are. In with a chance with sixteen minutes left. O’Malley kicks it off to Maiden, an’ the ‘Slaves‘ll try an’ get some momentum goin’.

Clem: It’s not going to be easy. The Rejistanians are energized. The closing minutes’ll be hard-fought.

...

Clem: At ninety minute, the score still knotted at one. A couple of shots for each side since the Rejistanian goal, but the defenses have been strong, preventing any real opportunities.

Lana: It’s lookin’ like we’ll be movin’ into extra time ‘ere in Lemsas City.

Gil: Wot?! Extra time? ‘aven’t we been ‘ere long enough?

Clem: We’ll stay until the match ends.

Gil: The match ends when time expires. That’s the lovely thing about football. After an hour an’ a ‘alf of boring, repetitive kickin’, the game ends, whether there’s a winner or not.

Clem: Not in the elimination rounds of the World Cup. If it’s a draw after regulation, they play extra.

Gil: Wull, that’s jus’ stupid.

Lana: Wot? Um...

Clem: I’m sorry, June, did I hear you right?

Lana: Um... folks, June Jamelem, our director ‘as just given us some bad news. Seems that due to a contractual clause in the agreement with the Audioslavian government givin’ LRN broadcast rights to the match, we’re only able to bring you the firs’ ninety minutes of the game. Extra time will not be broadcast on LRN.

Gil: ‘ooray!

Clem: Yeah, well, you may be happy about it, Gil, but I don’t think our listeners will be. For all you millions of people across Lemmitania who’ve been following the game, my advice is, try and tune into the Rejistanian broadcast! If you can get it, they’ll be covering the extra periods.

Lana: An’ penalty shootouts, if necessary.

Gil: That’s assumin’ you can unnerstand Rejistanian. It’s a pretty weird language.

Clem: Well, it isn’t Lemmitanian, that’s for sure.

Lana: The officials ‘ave jus’ signalled the end of regulation time. So with the score tied one-all, we’ll be ending the broadcast ‘ere.

Clem: For Gil Lemson and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, Lana Malestrom, this is Clem Gilson saying thanks for listening to the final match of World Cup Twelve on the Lemmitanian Radio Network.

Gil: As they say in Audioslavia, G’night, bitches.

OOC: Thanks Lemmy: The 3-4-3 was a great idea, even if the Orange-Blues normally play 4-4-2.

Idine Sala: This is Idine Sala from Radio RejisCAST. Again Murphy's Law has kicked us in the stomach: It is the final of the world cup, the first final in which the Orange-Blues play. The climax of the cup - and we are struggeling to get the connection run. I don't need to tell you that we have a shortage of technicans since they are in a pub, watching the match on TV-R. Perhaps I should do that too, no one will listen to english radio in the entire country I guess...

Elin Ri: (interrupts) Hejida Idine!

Idine Sala: Does the connection work?

Ein Ri: No, I'm using telepathy to talk to you. Of course it works!

Idine Sala: don't procrastinate: how did the match end?

Sirake Tekim: Hejida Idine, nothing ended here. The match will go into extra time.

Idine Sala: (losing his temper) How is the score?

Sirake Tekim: 1 all. the 'slaves went ahead in the 20th minute, but the Orange-Blues equalized.

Elin Ri: The big surprise wan't the score but the line-up: The Orange-Blues played in System Hangila!

Sirake Tekim: It was no System Hangile, it was a 3-4-3 System.

Elin Ri: That excactly IS a System Hangila.

Sirake Tekim: System Hangila is the most offensive style in rejistanian soccer. Not every 3-4-3 can qualify for this title.

Elin Ri: Well, with the three best strikers of entire Rejistania: Jen Y, Xeseja Su and SyLy, it qualifies for this term.

Idine Sala: Tell me rather why the System was changed.

Sirake Tekim: I guess because the team wanted to confuse the 'slaves, they surely didn't expect such a tactic. I must say that I didn't expect that it would work so good.

Elin Ri: Many players play 3-4-3 in the league.

Idine Sala: Who was the one who equalized the score for the Orange-Blues.

Sirake Tekim: SyLy! Anyway. The extra time has just begun, kickoff for the Orange-Blues.
(he says more about what happened on the pitch, but noises in the connection make it impossible to understand him)

Idine Sala: Sorry, I didn't understand you.

Sirake Tekim: I can't hear you, Idine!
(a loud bang is heard, the noises stop)

Elin Ri: Can you hear me now?

Idine Sala: Yeppers!

Elin Ri: I am so stupid! I tried everything to make it work, but did I remeber the first rule for techs? No!

Sirake Tekim: What is this first rule?

Elin Ri: If it doesn't run, give it a clap. By the way: yellow for Sijij Kansu.

Sirake Tekim: That foul was surely inspired by the matches of Liverpool England, maybe even of the Stars, but it was perhaps a good method to stop the attack of the 'slaves.

Elin Ri: It is the second yellow card for Sijij Kansu, but it means absolutly nothing to him, there s no match after that.

Sirake Tekim: Free-kick for 'slavia, Iain Maiden and Nicky Shearer stand in good position. (short pause) Iain Maiden shoots,...

Elin Ri: (interrups) Yay, I didn't know that Jaras'he can jump that high!

Sirake Tekim: The score is still 1 all.

(7 minutes later)
Sirake Tekim: ...that's a good chance for the Orange-Blues: O'hara'he is classically outsmarted by DaJaNil, to SyLy... the ball is in!

Elin Ri: The linesman decided offside, the score is still 1 all.

Sirake Tekim: That surely was no offside position, totally unjustified!

Elin Ri: SyLy was standing offside, didn't you see it?

Sirake Tekim: Perhaps I was just too excited because I thought we would actually 'have done it'!

Elin Ri: surely.

(90+15th minute)
Sirake Tekim: The referee blows his whistle, the first half of extra time ends. Much action in this first half, this free kick for for the 'slaves and this offside goal for the Orange-Blues.

Idine Sala: Which team did you consider to be better?

Sirake Tekim: That's not easy to say. This is no normal match, this is the final of the world cup. You can't expect 7-0 wins here where one team is totally outclassed. Both teams are pretty equal in skill and fitness.

Elin Ri: It is quite amazing that the Orange-Blues haven't changed their system back to the traditional System Imdila, but, hey, they aren't doing bad with it.

Idine Sala: Sorry to all fans, but our sponsors demand their time.
(Commercials)

(Begin of the second half of extra time)
Idine Sala: Welcome back to Radio RejisCAST, the only rejistanian... ahem, the only english speaking radio station in entire Rejistania. No more talking from here, how's things in Lemmitania!

Sirake Tekim: I propose a rise of Ri'he's payment, he managed to make the connection run again after it broke own in the pause and he made it work again.

Elin Ri: That's my real job, not commenting international matches.

Sirake Tekim: Perhaps I should revise my statement about the techs.

Elin Ri: Maybe you should say that the second half starts (a whistle is heard) now.

Sirake Tekim: Kickoff for the 'slaves. Nicky Shearer does it, passes to Paul Ward, he passes to ... no, the ball is intercepted by Saka Syku.

Elin Ri: Saka Syku was one of the positive surprises of this world cup. He became Hexen Imdila's first choice over Hana Kansu.

Sirake Tekim: This time he wasn't a starter.

Elin Ri: Yes, this time, Imdila'he preferred Kansu'he, Hana Kansu I mean.

(90+24th minute)
Sirake Tekim: O'Malley'he has a good chance, but... yes! Save by Daki'he! The newbs still keep the score down to one all.

Elin Ri: Why do you call them newbs?

Sirake Tekim: The Update did introduce the name.

Elin Ri: They are no newbs, newbs are teams like Hash n Beans.

Sirake Tekim: About ten players are in the roster for the first time.

Elin Ri: Oh, the number was that high? I didn't know that. At the time the roster was announced, I still was full-time-tech.

(90+30th minute, end of the second half of extra time)
Sirake Tekim: That is the whistle, the extra time ends. All in all you could see that the quality of the match decreased in extra time, maybe due to the fact that all players reached their limits. This final will be decided in the penalties.

Elin Ri: Penalties are perhaps the most random method to determine the winner after tossing a coin.

Sirake Tekim: Surely, but the match went 120 minutes without a winner. Somehow it must be determined.

Elin Ri: I know, I know.

Sirake Tekim: First penalty shot for the Orange-Blues will be done by Kansu Kiru. (a loud cheer is heard, it can't be determined if it comes from the stadium or from the building of RejisCAST) it is in! Goal for the Orange-Blues!

Elin Ri: Now for Audioslavia: Jack Croft, shoots and... NO! (the cheering surely came from the RejisCAST-HQ) Daki expected the ball in the other direction. Equalised again.

Sirake Tekim: Who will do it for the Orange-Blues now? Jen Y does... Oh no, missed! If the 'slaves hit now, they have an advantage.

Elin Ri: Now for the 'slaves: Nicky Shearer. Takes a run and... NANA SAVED!

Sirake Tekim: The next one shooting is... Saka Syku. Syku'he shoots, (a loud 'NIIIIIIL' meaning no is heard) He only hit the crossbar.

Elin Ri: Now the Orange-Blue can fall behind again. For Audioslavia: Iain Maiden. Will he score against against the Orange-Blues? (a loud 'NIIIIIIL' answeres his question) The Orange-Blues are behind 2-3.

Sirake Tekim: To all gods in Lemmitania and Rejistania, please help!

Elin Ri: The Rejistanian gods will surely try. The number of sacrifices has reached an all-time high.

Sirake Tekim: Now, oops, is that...?

Elin Ri: Nana Daki. He also has quite a record of penalty shots in Hades Lavamje. YAY! Equalizer!

Sirake Tekim: k, now I announce the 'slavian, who'll try to defend the lead... it's Paul Ward. JEH! He missed wide!

Elin Ri: This is the fifth and all-deciding penalty shot. Whichever side increases the score now will be world champion. Well, unless both sides score.

Sirake Tekim: It's SyLy! He prefers to shoot penalties 'icelandic'. He does it now... The 'slavian goalie can't get it! 4-3 for Rejistania!

Elin Ri: Let us all hope that the 'slave won't succeed. It is O'Hara'he... He shoots... HE MISSES!

Sirake Tekim: (his voice sounds unbelievable happy and unbelievable overmodulated, despite this he isn't heard good through the cheering) REJISTANIA IS WORLD CHAMPION!

(At this point the connection breaks down and no one cares since in the whole country - from Hetkali in the north to Na~ovi in the south and from Jinhes in the east to Kalisimu in the west - the biggest celebration in the history of the nation starts)

*We walk into the Royal chamber of the palace in Whogivesa. A figure is sitting at a writing desk dictating to another figure. As we watch the writer stops and begins reading the note back*

Okay your highness, this is what i've got,

"Dear Sir,
I would like to congratulate yourself and the representatives of your fine nation for winning the World Cup.
It is fitting that our regional delegate has brought the Cup home to where it belongs the region founded by the only nation to have successfully defended the cup, lets hope that we can continue this trend in future years.
Congratulations once again.
King Jimmy II"

Sounds good to me Jeeves. Put the royal stamp on it and set it to the Rejistanian head of state. I'm sure they'll have finished partying in a week or so!

Very good Sir. Will that be all sir?

For now yes Jeeves.

*As the one called Jeeves moves towards the door, we decide to depart and rejoin the official tour party.*

Aaron O`Hara steadies himself. Wiping some dirt and sweat off of his forhead, he looks towards the goal. Nana Daki stands tall in the Rejistanian goal, trying to stare a hole through Aaron. Aaron glares back, but he just doesnt seem confident enough to believe he can beat this goalkeeper. Aaron gulps and tries to psyche himself up. He notices his leg shaking, and his throat as dry as a bone with apprehension. The referee blows his whistle, Aaron jogs and runs towards the ball, and just hits it as hard as he can.

He opens his eyes to see Daki sprawling accross to the right of the goal, and the ball heading the other way. With a resounding thud, he watches Audioslavia's world cup final dreams skip away off the post and out of play.

Daki sprints past him and dissapears under a pile of light blue shirts, and the crowd behind the goal go absoloutely crazy. Aaron sinks to his knees.

Behind him the Audioslavian players remain seated on the turf around the centre circle. Jensen is in tears, O`Malley has his head in his hands, and Branson is just staring up at the sky.

Final Score

Audioslavia 1
Rejistania 1

Rejistania win 4-3 on penalties

Michael Orange: Welcome back to CHMI's recap of World Cup 12. For those of you just tuning in, I'm Michael Orange...

Eim A. Idoit: And I'm Eim A. Idoit, substituting for Anita Volta, who was substituting for Alan Belmore #n+2 until she got fired for being absolutely...err...

MO: I think his sentence got a bit too long. He means that she got fired for being absolutely awful at the job. Slani Aquillans...

EAI: 5l4n1? W0t's taht?

MO (to director): Um...could we get an interpreter in here?

EAI: W0t's 4n int...int...er...w0t k1nd 0f 4 w0rd 1s t4ht?

Interpreter: He's trying to explain that he can't say "interpreter".

MO: Ah, thanks. So, I believe we left off at halftime of the third-place playoff between Commerce Heights and The Lowland Clans...

EAI: C0mmerce Heights defeated T3h L0wl4nd Cl4ns 2-0!

MO: Yes, I think we were getting there, but we're supposed to go over the highlights of the second half.

EAI: We w0n! We r t3h b3st3st!

Interpreter: That was something along the lines of "We won! We are the best!"

MO: Well, it doesn't really apply. Could we get Anita back in here?

Director: Anita? She is t3h sux0rs! Eim r0x0rs! :) :) :P ;) :) :) ;) :P :) :)

Interpreter: Anita? She sucks! Eim rocks!

EAI: H0rr4y! *brief pause* 0MFG 1ts 4 l4nky d00d14n!

Interpreter: Hooray! Oh, wait, it's a Lanky Dudian!

Director: 4nd j00r 4 5l4n1 4qu1ll4n! j00 r L315h! 1 n00k j00! :D :D :D

Interpreter: And you're a slani Aquillan! You're LEish! I love you!

MO: Uh...er...could someone stop this mess and get back to the show?

***Commerce Heights Media International is currently experiencing difficulties. We will return to your regularly scheduled programming after these messages.***

MO: Welcome back to CHMI's recap of World Cup 12. I'm Michael Orange, and I'm filling in for myself and Eim A. Idoit, who was filling in for Anita Volta, who was filling in for Alan Belmore #n+2.

Alan Belmore #n+2: Hey, what're you doing, hosting this show without me! I g0dm0dded 18924612984612948124691246 goals in a Belmorian domestic league over the last 32059723 years!

MO: Fine, Alan, you can stay if you can actually talk about the match.

AB: OK, sure. What match? Is that the TBF 350273502359872350235702357 n00b 0 match?

MO: Actually, we were talking about the third-place playoff of World Cup 12 between Commerce Heights and The Lowland Clans.

AB: But that's not TBF! I can't talk about that! That's boring! 1 g0dm0d this 0MFG match into a TBF match!

Interpreter: This sucks! I want my mommy to tell me a story about a match where TBF godmods a win!

MO: Can someone get rid of him?

EAI: H3y, gu3ss w0t?

Interpreter: Hey, guess what? I want to tell you something completely useless!

MO: Yeah, what, Eim?

EAI: Rejistania defeated t3h Aud10sl4v1a 1-1!

Interpreter: Rejistania defeated Audioslavia 1-1.

MO: A 1-1 win? What the heck does that mean, Eim?

EAI: t3h r3j15t4n14n p3n4lty k1x r t3h r0x0rs!

Interpreter: The Rejistanian penalty kicks rock.

MO: Oh. Anyway, back to the show...I said, BACK TO THE SHOW!

Anita Volta: You mind if I take over for Alan Belmore #n+2 and Eim A. Idoit?

MO: No, I don't. Hopefully you aren't going to be as insane as the rest of those people.

AV: I'll try.

MO: I believe we left off at halftime about half an hour ago.

AV: Which means that our allotted time for the match recap is up, no?

MO: Indeed. The final score, as you can see on your screen, Commerce Heights 2, The Lowland Clans 0.

[code:1:e90b53ce0c](15) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 12, A. Belmore #n+1 33)
(21) The Lowland Clans 0 - FT[/code:1:e90b53ce0c]

AV: So, that's the third-place playoff...now for your PariMedia recap of Match 16 of the knockout stages, the final - Rejistania vs Audioslavia.

MO: Narrowhead Stadium is a great place to have it, isn't it?

AV: Indeed it is. We'll be back with that and more after this break and a word from your local CHMI station.

OOC: or not...

THE WORLD CUP HIGHLIGHTS REEL with Progressa TeleSport

Carole King, You've Got A Friend, plays in the background. Players walking out onto the pitch for the KP-Kerla match accompanies the piano introduction, fading to Kerla's winner in the match.

'When you're down...' (cut to scoreboard in Progressair Stadium)
'...and troubled... and you need some loving care...' (cut to a tearful Ekazen Waulino consoled by team-mates)
'...and nothing... nothing is going right...' (cut at various points to qualifying footage of NEWI Cefn Druids and Hash n Beans repeatedly failing to score)
'...close your eyes, and think of me...' (fade to a statue of Margaret erected in Kaza Sports Square)
'...and soon, I will be there...' (cut to Aeuwal Maurto heading the opening goal in the KP-Oddslavo game)
'...to brighten up, even your darkest night...' (cut to rain falling inside the ironically-named Sunshine Arena, Fildi on the rainy evening of the Kerla-Rejistania game which KP would have made had they topped their group, followed by faded footage of the Progressan fans cheering the third and fourth Rejistanian goals)

Just before the chorus of You've Got A Friend, music cuts to Pat Benetar, Invincible; video footage cuts to Audioslavia-Commerce Heights. Each of the seven electric guitar chords in the introduction is accompanied by one of the goals in sequence, the drum-roll after the last by the Audioslavian celebrations. The song cuts to the first verse.

'This bloody road remains a mystery...' (Cut to winding cycle-path near the Warpnet Arena, which is built on an isolated part of the city of Nortenai, filled with Insanican fans wondering where the stadium is for their match against Halfassedstates)
'This sudden darkness fills the air...' (Cut to high-speed footage of sunset over the Narrowhead Stadium before the final)
'What are we waiting for?' (Cut to players of Rejistania and Audioslavia warming up inside the stadium before the final)
'Won't anybody help us?' (Fade to dispairing fans of Rejistania as AS take the lead in the final)
'What are we waiting for?' (Cut to Rejistania making the move leading to the SyLy equaliser)

'We can't afford to be innocent...stand up and face the enemy...'(Cut to bust-up in the tunnel in the KP-TLC match)
'It's a do-or-die situation...'(Cut to the start of the penalty shootout of the final)
'We will be invincible...' (Cut to Rejistanians on a lap of honour, running with the Cup. Music fades)

Best-of-the-Cup awards will be presented tomorrow, forums permitting.

And for those who have not heard, Rejistania and Cockbill Street have been selected to host World Cup Thirteen.

Also watch out for the Second Under 21 Championship.

Congratulations Rejistania!

Since Rejistania and Cockbill Street are WC13 Hosts, there will be up to 102 participants. This means there is ONE space still available. Registration for WC13 is at:

World Cup Thirteen registration (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=121740&start=240)

And, since WC13 registration is full...
World Cup 14 Signups (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=133124)