Football United - World Cup 12[RP thread][Rejis victorious] [Archive] - Page 3

23-02-2004, 21:45

Marie Law (ML): I'm coming to you from the House of Prayer today with news that's sure to go in the history books here in Praying2God. The Warriors have finally scored more than 3 points towards qualifying in back-to-back matches. They followed up their 2-1 victory over Grand Master Mark in their last match with a 0-0 draw today at home against Commerce Heights. Joshua Harris recorded his first shutout of World Cup XII qualifying, and the second shutout of his career. He joins me today to talk about the game. Joshua, how does it feel to FINALLY have recorded a shutout in this Cup?

Joshua Harris (JH): This is a huge monkey off my back. Hopefully it will get the local sports writers off my back too.

ML: Having played on the WC XI squad, you knew that this team had never earned more than 3 points in back-to-back games before. Did you feel any added pressure before the game know that fact?

JH: I was aware of that fact, but it didn't add any pressure to me that I didn't already have. After all, we still have a chance to qualify (albeit a long one), if I play well. Plus, the local writers have been on my back about not carrying my share of the load. Sure, I may be one of the oldest players on the team, but I'm still a lot younger than they are. Let's see them get between the pipes and try to stop world class players for 90 minutes on a regular basis. Maybe they should walk a mile in my shoes the next time before they open their mouths.

ML: Did it help to have a packed stadium of 90,000 behind the team today?

JH: Definitely. Everybody on the team feels a lot more relaxed knowing that we have a supportive crowd behind us.

ML: What do you think are the chances that the Warriors will qualify?

JH: They aren't in our favor, but we can't let that keep us from trying. The point today was huge, even though we would have prefered three, because it came against a team in position to qualify right now. Sure, we may be seven points out of third at the moment, but this is soccer...anything can happen.

ML: Off the record Joshua...What's going on between Thomas and Kelly?

JH: I wouldn't know. The forwards and goalies tend to practice in two different areas of the field, and are in different sections of the locker room, so I'm just as clueless as you are.

ML: But you're not saying that there's nothing going on between them.

JH: I don't see enough of them to tell you one way or the other if something is going on between them.

ML: Thanks for your time, Joshua. Let's send it back to Jennifer in the studio.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): Thank you, Marie for another excellent report. We have a special guest with us in the studio for the second time during qualifying. We welcome WC XI defenseman Chuck Colson back to the studio.

Chuck Colson (CC): Thank you, Jennifer.

JJ: Now, Chuck, what did you think of how the Warriors played today.

CC: They have nothing to be ashamed of. CH is one of the top teams in the world, so shuting them out is quite an accomplisment. I know they would have rather had three points, but one point can make all the difference in the end.

JJ: Have you stayed in touch with your teammates from the WC XI squad that are still playing?

CC: Yeah, I have. They're all doing well. Joshua had complained to me about how the press was on his case, but otherwise they all have had nothing but good things to say about their experience in this Cup.

JJ: Have any of them told you anything about the rumored romance between Thomas Larson and Kelly Carter?

CC: Actually, yes. Francis of Assisi did confide to me that Thomas and Kelly are very close, and that he wouldn't be surprised if Thomas proposed before the end of the Cup.

JJ: :shock: Well...thank you, Chuck. Feel free to come by any time.

CC: Thank you, Jennifer.

JJ: For those of you who just tuned in, here's a recap of what's happened today...The Warriors drew with Commerce Heights 0-0 before a packed house of 90,000 at the House of Prayer. Meaning that for the first time in their (brief) Cup history, they have earned more than 3 points in back-to-back matches. Also, WC XI veteran Chuck Colson stated that there is a potential romance blossoming between forwards Thomas Larson and Kelly Carter. Good night everybody.

PRAYING2GOD 0

Commerce Heights 0

Unofficial Group 12 Standings (after 10 of 14 matches):
Gesamtkuntswerk (30) 6-1-3, 21 points, +13 GD
Commerce Heights (15) 5-0-5, 20 points, +13 GD
One Red Dot (11) 4-2-4, 16 points, +6 GD
Grand Master Mark 4-5-1, 13 points, -3 GD
Patinhas 3-4-3, 12 points, -4 GD
PRAYING2GOD (74) 2-5-3, 9 points, -5 GD
Costa Lot 1-5-4, 7 points, -8 GD
The Master Cooper 0-3-7, 7 points, -8 GD

23-02-2004, 21:45

Please forgive my silly double post. :oops:

Snub Nose 38

23-02-2004, 21:53

torn from the pages of Scuttlebutt

…chance to qualify, they’ll have to make it up in the last four matchdays, as scheduled below. The Hooligans are 7 points out of third place, 9 points out of second place, and 10 points out of first place. Thus these are not the number of points the Hooligans have to achieve in the last four matches to reach first, second or third in Group 3 – they have to achieve that many more points than the side that currently occupies that spot.

It isn’t hopeless.

But it’s pretty flippin’ close to hopeless.

Group 3 Matchday 11
Sacco and Vanzetti vs Warnocks Wizards
Stalag 5 vs Hash n Beans
Defari vs Timway
Northern Wastestan vs Snub Nose 38

Group 3 Matchday 12
Snub Nose 38 vs Sacco and Vanzetti
Hash n Beans vs Defari
Timway vs Stalag 5
Warnocks Wizards vs Northern Wastestan

Group Matchday 13
Sacco and Vanzetti vs Northern Wastestan
Hash n Beans vs Timway
Warnocks Wizards vs Stalag 5
Snub Nose 38 vs Defari

Group Matchday 14
Timway vs Sacco and Vanzetti
Northern Wastestan vs Hash n Beans
Stalag 5 vs Snub Nose 38
Defari vs Warnocks Wizards

Stalag 5

23-02-2004, 21:57

Wahrheit
The only truth

Stalag 5 back on course

Headquarter In our last edition we asked for the reasons of the three defeats in a row of our team. The result of our readers voting has been unequicvocal: 99.9% have voted for: "The policy of WCC has confused our team!"
The matches against Sacco and Vancetti and Northern Wetestan showed that these poor teams were not able to continue the WCC policy although our team was obviously handicapped again. Therefore Ausbilder Schmidt was forced to use the unpopular but successful great wall tactic again. Both matches ended 1:0, each time Heim scored in 3rd minute. The team finds itself now on place 4. The 3rd place is still in reach, because the next match will be against Hash n Beans, who failed to score up to now and lost every match. The 12th match against Timway will be a decisive one.

[code:1:52d8c1f60f]
GROUP 3
Pos* Team* * * * * * * * P* *W* D* L* *F* *A* *GD* *Pts* PP
* 1* Warnocks Wizards* * 10* 7* 3* *0* 21* *7* *14* *24* 36
* 2* Defari* * * * * * * 10* 7* 1* *2* 23* 15* * 8* *22* 34
* 3* Timway* * * * * * * 10* 6* 3* *1* 16* *7* * 9* *21* 33
* 4* Stalag 5* * * * * * 10* 5* 2* *3* 13* 12* * 1* *17* 29
* 5* Snub Nose 38* * * * 10* 4* 2* *4* 16* 10* * 6* *14* 26
* 6* Sacco and Vanzetti* 10* 4* 1* *5* 12* 13* *-1* *13* 25
E* * Northern Wastestan* 10* 1* 0* *9* *8* 21* -13* * 3* 15
E* * Hash n Beans* * * * 10* 0* 0* 10* *0* 24* -24* * 0* 12

[/code:1:52d8c1f60f]

Snub Nose 38

23-02-2004, 22:23

Was Nicht Wahrheit Ist
The only truth?
8)

Mattigool

23-02-2004, 23:04

Mattigool Sports

Gools smash Zucchinis

(Goolsund) "This day will become an important day in the history of the Gools. It's our greatest success up to now." breathless Gamsten stated after the unexpected victory of the Gools at Giant Zucchini. Like in the first match against GZSZ (the Gools supporters created this name for the zucchinis based on the well known soap on MTV) Dunner's tactic was the basis for this success. Kristensen and Jonny Sokol finished two wonderful counterattacks with success during the 2nd half. Now its getting tight again for Giant Zucchini who dominated the Group until matchday 7.

Final Scoring:
GZ 0
MATTIGOOL 2
Kristensen
J. Sokol (78th)

Gools reach playoff place

(Goolsund) The Gools still seemed to be tired after their win at Giant Zucchini, so their perfomance against Rinkeby was not as impressive as many has expected. But they did enough to win the match by Simen Sokol freekick in minute 89. Up to that point the Gools were more than lucky. Klokset had to risk his head for several times and kept his goal clean. The Gools are now thirdplaced. Who had ever expected that? But there are still 4 matches to play, Creedence Clearwater and AlanShaerer are still to play, also Eauz and secondplaced Squornshelous. But everything is possible. If the Gools will be able to beat Eauz and Creedence, two of their rivals for 3rd place would suffer a decisive defeat. As Kristensen said: "It is on our own, whether we'll make it to the playoffs or not.“

Final Scoring:
MATTIGOOL 1
S. Sokol (89th)
RINKEBY 0

[code:1:420b84e9fe]
GROUP 7
Pos* Team* * * * * * * * * P* *W* D* L* F* *A* *GD* *Pts* PP
* 1* Giant Zucchini* * * * 10* 7* 1* 2* 23* *9* *14* *22* 34
* 2* Squornshelous* * * * *10* 6* 2* 2* 18* 10* * 8* *20* 32
* 3* Mattigool* * * * * * *10* 4* 3* 3* 15* 12* * 3* *15* 27
* 4* Creedence Clearwater* 10* 4* 2* 4* 17* 16* * 1* *14* 26
* 5* Eauz* * * * * * * * * 10* 3* 4* 3* 14* 11* * 3* *13* 25
* 6* Rinkeby* * * * * * * *10* 3* 1* 6* *9* 16* *-7* *10* 22
* 7* AlanShearer* * * * * *10* 1* 5* 4* 10* 17* *-7* * 8* 20
* 8* Valient* * * * * * * *10* 2* 2* 6* *9* 24* -15* * 8* 20
[/code:1:420b84e9fe]

Eauz

23-02-2004, 23:19

Les Bleus continue to slide.

Having started off well, les bleus have started to slide, having lost the 2 of three games of the second half. Les Bleus even came off with a tie against a new team to the world cup, not scoring a goal, when they scored 2 against AlanShearer the first match. Though, les bleus are not out of contention, because they still have 4 games to go, and the standings are fairly close. If history repeats itself, les bleus look to improve in the future four games, having gone 2 wins, 0 loses and 2 ties, resulting in 8 points.

Les Bleus next match will come against Mattigool, who has turned hot in the second half, reaching 3rd place from being in 8th. The last time they met, the match was at Eauz, and it resulted in a 2 - 2 tie. Look for Les Bleus to come out with a win or a tie, for Les Bleus have only lost once on the road, coming against a strong team in Giant Zucchini.

Day 1: Eauz @ Giant Zucchini L 1 - 4
Day 2: AlanShearer @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 3: Eauz @ Squornshelous T 0 - 0
Day 4: Mattigool @ Eauz T 2 - 2
Day 5: Eauz @ Valient W 4 - 0
Day 6: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Day 7: Eauz @ Rinkeby W 2 - 0

Day 8: Giant Zucchini @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Day 9: Eauz @ AlanShearer T 0 - 0
Day 10: Squornshelous @ Eauz L 3 - 2
Day 11: Eauz @ Mattigool
Day 12: Valient @ Eauz
Day 13: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: Eauz @ Rinkeby

[code:1:c0caed556d]
GROUP 7
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Giant Zucchini 10 7 1 2 23 9 14 22 34
2 Squornshelous 10 6 2 2 18 10 8 20 32
3 Mattigool 10 4 3 3 15 12 3 15 27
4 Creedence Clearwater 10 4 2 4 17 16 1 14 26
5 Eauz 10 3 4 3 14 11 3 13 25
6 Rinkeby 10 3 1 6 9 16 -7 10 22
7 AlanShearer 10 1 5 4 10 17 -7 8 20
8 Valient 10 2 2 6 9 24 -15 8 20

[/code:1:c0caed556d]

Eauz

23-02-2004, 23:19

Je ne crois pas, j'ai fait un double post :(

Svecia

24-02-2004, 00:13

VILÄMNA TIMES

Svecia Fall Big on the Road
Second loss to Redavic Union only hightens intrigue in Group 5
Tuesday, 24 February

Once again the Redavic Union proved to be too much for an up and down Svecian squad. One moment they take out their only 1st place challenger 5-1 on the road, then next they draw at home and lose 3-0 away. Plus there are now only 6 points separating the top 4 teams.

Like in their previous match against True Yorkshire, the Lightning never got going in the match, only their opponant this time was a bit tougher and was playing on their home field. A goal in the 34th minute could have been equalized a few minutes later as Svecia seemed to be awakened from their sleepy and sloppy play up until that point, but their counterattack was turned away and a Redavic Union push led to their second goal in the 40th minute. It was the second goal that seemed to knock the wind out of Svecia and they never had another cohesive attack for the rest of the match, with the final RU goal coming against a tired Svecian defense in the 89th minute.

Svecia now trail group leader Tanah Burung by one point, after TB tied. But the most important part of the loss was that the Halfassedstates now trail Svecia by 2 points and the Redavic Union trails by 3. The race for the top spots in Group 5 has come down to the wire, with only a few games left in qualifying. Svecia will need to push hard now in order to hope to qualify against an increasingly competative group. Three games ago it looked as if the two tops teams were pulling away, but suddenly there is a sense of urgency when the yellow and blue are together.

24-02-2004, 00:44

OOC - Please credit this one to Brazillico. Slani Forums won't let me sign out of Steve's Island.

Holy India Scores Goal
Holy India loss marred my more mascot abuse

Brazillico appears to be on quite a run right now. Winning two straight in a World Cup competition for the first time since, well, their successful conquest of World Cup 6.

Holy India shocked the home side, as Shaman #8 sneaked past the Brazillican defense in the second minute, making the score 1-0.

After a rather lacklustre start to the match for the Brazillicans, a streaker took to the field in the 16th Minute. Despite the authorities best efforts, the nude man, believed to be serial streaker Henry Tuck, was able to make it all the way across the pitch and proceeded to kick the Holy India Tea Bag right in the pills with enough gusto to make even Esteban de Jesus proud. The streaker then positioned himself on top of the fallen mascot and "Tea Bag" the downed sack. This move really seemed to rile up the home fans, as they cheered on the Chili Bats with renewed vigor. The Brazillican players were really able to be energized by those in attendance, and responded with a quick goal shortly after the streaking incident off the foot of Alex Cannon.

The Cannon twins struck once more in the twenty-sixth minute, as a slick passing play between Alex and Sandro resulted in a goal for the latter. Holy India looked more akin to goalposts than footballers on that play, as the Cannon twins weaved their magic between them. On the play, the Holy India Goalkeeper flailed helpleesly at the ball, pulling his abdomen and demanded to be taken out of the game. After the swelling subsided from the streaker incident, the Holy India Tea Bag was subbed in to take Shaman #1's place.

The Brazillicans continued to control the pace of the game for the remaining length of the half. The Brazillican attackers took turn firing howlitzers on net, all of which stopped by the massive Tea Bag. This was perhaps because the Brazillicans were aiming towards him in an attempt to injure the mascot and to retribute for the previous injury he caused to Anthony Trevors. Right before the end of the half, Tobias Cannon unleashed a rocket which struck the Tea Bag in the groin area, causing him to comically roll around and clutch his boys in pain. A scrum ensued when Shaman #3 pushed Tobias Cannon, who proceeded to knock his lights out. Trevors bolted on the field and scored some quality kicks to the midsection of the Tea Bag, still paying attention to his sack of orange pekoes. When it was all said and done, Tobias Cannon, Junior Socrates, Trevors and Durango recieved red cards for the incident, while Shamen #2,3,6,7 likewise recieved the red.

With only seven men left on the pitch and their starting and reserve goaltenders injured, Holy India abandonned the match, refusing to come out of the locker room for the second half. They later referred to it as their form of Gandhi-like non-violent protest over getting their asses kicked out on the pitch.

The Brazillicans, overflowing with goodwill and sportsmenship refused to run up the score on the lowly Holy Indians, despite their overwhelming asshole-ness. The Chili Bats stormed to the field and set up a volleyball game, treating the fans to a world class game of Foot Volley for the remaining forty-five minutes.

Cannons 37
Rest of Squad 34

Brazillico 2
A Cannon [9] 18
S Cannon [2] 26

Holy India 1
<Shaman #8> [?] 2

Rejistania

24-02-2004, 02:16

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Santwa lost in the tropical heat
The Orange-Blues have defeated Santwa at home, which means at this time: The Relekhati Stadium. Not Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati but the Relekhati Stadium in Na~ovi. At least this stadium is home to a first-league team, even if Na~ovi Relekhati is said to fight severe financial difficulties and expected to declare insolvence merely in days than in months. The pitch wasn't in the best state, the grass wasn't watered in the last days or perhaps weeks and became yellow or even brown. Teke Daran, chief of the RejisFA commented: 'Well, it can happen that a team becomes insolvent. To a point, we included this risk in our plans - it was merely bad luck that is was of all teams Na~ovi Relekhati, which is close to insolvating.' After this statement, people expect a mass-insolvency in the south-mintanian first league.

The Santawanian team wasn't used to the temperatures of a rejistanian evening. While Rejistania is a tropical island, Santwa is located near the north pole in the eternal ice. Not the best start for an international match. The RejisFA has delayed this match into the late evening to avoid Santwa to forfeit it, but still the air was hot and humid. Santwan manager Santwa Claus said before the match while whiping the sweat from his face: 'I can't believe that this people play good soccer. This heat kills you!' The heat didn't kill the Santwanians, but it made them play much slower than on the home turf (or better, home ice). The match between the rejistanian substitutes and the Satwans was a bit slow: The rejistanians prefered to play their System Imdila and the Santwans were suffering from the heat. SyLy, once again a starter in this match, was one of the best players in this match. He gave the Orange-Blues many chances and in the 14th minute, capitalised the first one. The Santwan goalie, Rudolf Rednose, was just wiping the sweat out of his face and for this reason could not get the ball. At least after this, he had the time to reach for a towel to dry his face. The Santwans also had something like a chance once, but Lata~n Gu interefered and the Orange-Blues started a counter-attack. Syku Syliju and Syky Lyku ran past the totally unprepared Santwans, SyLy shot and again was successfull, the goalie did this time try to get the ball, but he was too late, after 43 minutes, the score was 2-0 for the Rejistanians. The second half was not worth watching: The Orange-Blues didn't want to risk counter attacks and the Santwans lost the fight against both opponents: the Orange-Blues and the heat. In the 69th minute, santwan striker Bill Christmas collapsed on the field, as rejistanian doctors found out, as a result of the high temperatures, which was unknown to the poor Santwan. After his substitution, the quality of this match only decreased if possible. Despite this, the 2-0 is an absolutely justified score.

The result
Rejistania 2 (Lyku 14th, 43rd)
Santwa 0

Bedistan

24-02-2004, 03:00

BSTV Sports Tonight
with Joey Stanton

Joey: Good evening; I'm Joey Stanton and this is BSTV Sports Tonight. With me here tonight is Secretary of Sports and Games and former Bedistan Lions national football team manager Jim Parker. How are you today, Jim?

Jim: I'm doing great, Joey.

Joey: Glad to hear it. And so are the Lions, it would seem. It was all-out war on the pitch in Talyllyn today, with both sides seemingly throwing caution to the wind and letting the offense do the talking.

Jim: Yes, I saw the match. Jeff's done a great job with that offense, hasn't he?

Joey: Indeed he has. And the Lions only had one of their normal starters today, with Lewey and Hamner up front. Lewey comes up with the first goal nine minutes in on a cross from Hamner, but then Bedistan kinda stagnated for a while. Most of the first half was actually dominated by the home team.

Jim: Yeah, the defense hasn't been all that sharp lately -- this is the second consecutive game with two goals given up.

Joey: And both of those came in the first half by <player 3>. Oldenburg caught flat-footed on the first, and he couldn't stop the penalty that came later.

Jim: So Talyllyn went into halftime up two goals to one.

Joey: But apparently Johnny Lewis gave the team a good long talk then, because it was a totally different game after the half. Lewey with another goal in the 57th, Abby Hamner adding one of her own ten minutes later, and finally Talyllyn sealed their fate when <player 5> gave up a penalty.

Jim: Lewey sent it in very easily for his hat trick and the 4-2 win.

Joey: Meanwhile, Rejistania defeated Santwa 2-0 to maintain their two-point lead on the group...

Jim: Han-hi-len-ly Rejistanians...

Joey: Jim, I don't think you can say that on TV...

Jim: Whatever.

Joey: At this point, Rejistania and Bedistan are almost locks for qualification.

Jim: Well, that's much better than last time.

Joey: Indeed. And that's all the time we have for tonight. For BSTV Sports Tonight, I'm Joey Stanton. Adios.

[code:1:d46cfab157]Final score:
Talyllyn 2 (<player 3> 19, 37)
Bedistan 4 (Lewey 9, 57, pen 78; Hamner 67)[/code:1:d46cfab157]

[Multiple edits: i catn speel and I can't even get character names right...]

The Eagles Nest

24-02-2004, 03:33

Upsets Rule Day in Group 11

Nest Not Immune; Lose 1-0 to Jeruselem

What started out as a Need-to-win match turned into a 'First place Standing??' when the scores of both Oglethorpia's upset loss at BSE Free Bovines and Spaam's loss at The Weegies. It ended in a stunned time of shaking your head and thinking, what could have been as 3 goals were disallowed by the referees and a phantom handball allowed Jeruselem to win. The Strike Birds suffered their second 1-0 loss in Group 11 Standings. The loss kept the Birds 2 points behind Oglethorpia and Spaam, but Brazillico's win over eliminated Holy India pulled them a too close for comfort 3 points behind the Birds for the crucial 3rd place standing.

The game started out very defensive on both ends, with spectacular saves on both ends. The game went to halftime tied at 0-0. During the halftime show, the aforementioned scores were posted and the crowd went mad. They knew that with a tie, they would pull closer, and a win would give them first place outright heading into a match versus BSE Free Bovines.

The second half started with a flurry of attacks that culminated in a header by Josh Adams that was flagged offsides by the official. Replay confirmed he was half a step behind the last defender. 15 minutes later, another breakaway by Adams with a perfect strike left side was called back on another offsides. Adams' perfect timing that he had showed in earlier matches was just off today.

Adams' Third negated goal was an absolute thing of beauty as his free kick outside the box curled over the wall, bounced once and spun into the net. unfortunately, the ref had called a stop to the kick as the ball had not been properly reset for the kick. Adams' rekick was harlessly caught by the Jeruselem keeper. That lapse of mental discipline would come back to haunt the Birds later as what is being called "The Phantom Handball" struck.

A Jeruselem corner kick was easily headed out towards the box, but the official called a handball on Nest player Ashallond. replays showed that his left hand had been as high as the ball when Ashallond headed it it, and a fortuitous camera angle showed that the ref thought that the hand hit the ball. Despite the appeals of the Nest captain, a penalty kick was awarded as the "handball" had occured inside the box. Keeper Nathan Adams guessed wrong and Jeruselem was up 1-0.

With the prospect of joining the upset bug that was going on, the Nest offense tried in vain to score an equalized, but not enough time was left for them to continue their assault and the Birds fell 1-0.

Striker J. Adams on his disallowed goals.

"I was off today. All I can say. I am going to have to get back into gear to be able to play the way this team needs me."

Defender Garric Ashallond, Jr. on the "Handball"

"That has got to be the WORST officiating I have ever seen. I mean, come on. The side judges, where were they? What were they watching? This will only make us more fired up for the next game."

Coach Aefnen on qualifying.

"Losing today put us in a tenuous place. We've got 4 matches left, and only a 3 point buffer. We have to win these next two games, or hope someone can beat Brazillico. Otherwise we will just missing making the transfer round."

Tomorrow's match against The Weegies is sold out. Kickoff is at 11 am. Please take 3-4 hours time to arrive and go through security.

Scoring

Eagle's Nest
None

Jeruselem
Player #17 78:02 (PK)

Yellow Cards
None

Eagle's Nest Results
Eagle's Nest @ Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest vs. Holy India Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Jeruselem Tie 2-2
Eagle's Nest @ The Weegies Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest vs. BSE Free Bovines Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Oglethorpia Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Spaam Loss 0-1

Eagle's Nest vs. Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Holy India Win 4-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Jeruselem Loss 0-1
Eagle's Nest vs. The Weegies
Eagle's Nest @ BSE Free Bovines
Eagle's Nest @ Oglethorpia
Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam

Matchday 11 Recap

With the matchdays remaining getting smaller, the points are becoming more and more critical. We will have a special after tomorrow's scores have been posted. The race is very tight now. 8 poins from 7th place to 3rd place. Wins will be key from here on out. Holy India has been officially eliminated from this World Cup.

[code:1:6363a716f8]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia 10 6 2 2 19 10 9 20 32
2 Spaam 10 6 2 2 17 8 9 20 32
3 The Eagles Nest 10 5 3 2 16 7 9 18 30
4 Brazillico 10 4 3 3 17 11 6 15 27
5 The Weegies 10 4 2 4 15 14 1 14 26
6 Jeruselem 10 2 5 3 11 19 -8 11 23
7 BSE Free Bovines 10 3 1 6 11 15 -4 10 22
E Holy India 10 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 15
[/code:1:6363a716f8]

NEWI Cefn Druids

24-02-2004, 03:43

The Daily Druid

TRUE YORKSHIRE BEAT ANWIR CYMRU
Ian Question-Mark in True Leeds for True Yorkshire 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

The Druids entered this game knowing that anything other than a win would virtually ensure their elimination from the World Cup. Right from the kick off, though, it looked like they were resigned to it anyway.

There was only one goal in the game, and a lack of chances in a match spoiled by the referee. It wasn’t to say he was poor, and an excuse for the Druids’ defeat, but he was incredibly fussy. In all, a record 113 fouls were recorded, with 68 by the Druids and 45 by the True Yorkshiremen. Amazingly, though, there was not one player booked, as if the referee had forgotten his cards or something. There were also only two penalties, one for each side. True Yorkshire won a match that was, in effect, a single shot penalty shoot-out between the two sides. True Yorkshireman Eddie Bygum managed to dispatch his penalty clinically past a static Erg on 32 minutes, while Trevor Kallins missed his in the opening minute of the first half.

Apart from the referee, the most notable feature of this match is that the Druids earned themselves a second nickname. ‘Anwir Cymru’ came around after the people of True Yorkshire decided to mock the Druid fans about them not being True Welsh fans. The name translates into the Druid Mock Welsh as ‘False Wales’, and as a result, the Druid fans decided that they actually liked the name, and now, it seems, it is becoming more widespread.

After the match, manager Tim Welsh told reporters that he would stick by the same team. “We’ve been unlucky during this campaign,” he told us afterwards, “and today was no exception. Who else would end up with a referee this fussy? We’ve shown that we can actually play, given the opportunity, when we beat Halfassedstates. But the amount of bad luck we’ve encountered is atrocious.” The Druids’ next match is at home to Dokett at the CheminduStadium. Tickets are sold out.

Also, in relation to the football team’s declining fortunes, it has been noticed that sales of marzipan are declining in NEWI Cefn Druids. However, Tim Welsh was quick to deny a link between the flagging fortunes of them both. He said, “I know that sales of marzipan have gone down since people knew that was a main part of our diet, and we have also performed as poorly, but I can’t see a link. I mean, there was no increase in sales after the Halfassed game, was there? Personally, I blame the rise of ready-roll icing for marzipan’s decline. However, you will not catch me feeding that sickly concoction to any members of the squad.” Asked if he would be prepared to help market marzipan, Welsh said that he would keep his options open.

Final score:
True Yorkshire 1 [E. Bygum (pen) 32]
NEWI Cefn Druids 0 [Kallins missed penalty 46]

Aquilla

24-02-2004, 04:08

Good day for Eagles!

Both Aquilla and Eaglet smashed opponents. However interestiingly , both have the same score. Aquilla has been underperforming this season, and qualifications are in doubt, it seems that the KP rankings are not helping after all.

Snub Nose 38

24-02-2004, 04:44

Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, Chief Academician Albert Onestone of the Snub Nose 38 Academy of Science.

- Thank you. Ahem...first, let me remind you that some years ago Snub Nose 38 imposed a ban on the import of any and all tomatoes, evisceratomatoes, and any and all products derived from either. This ban remains in effect today, with the exception of the Sentient Race of Evisceratomatoes, who may enter the Frost-Free Borderlands provided they have applied for and been issued the appropriate Visa. For their protection a network of Wide Area Multiple Personal Aura Modifiers (WAMPAMs) covering all populated areas of our country were installed long ago.

Of late the Government of Snub Nose 38 has noted alarming news regarding Sentient Evisceratomatoes, as well as several other species of Sentient...er...vegetation. The race of Killcumbers, for example. The news is, at best, grim. The Sentient Vegetation races, with the possible exception of Giant Zucchini, seem to be constantly either bent on violent action, the victims of violent action, or both simultaneously.

As these news items of violent vegetation have increased in quantity, and as their very nature has become over time more violent, The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 determined to protect the citizenry of the Borderlands against any possible future vegetative violence directed against and/or occuring with the borders of Snub Nose 38.

To this end The Academy of Science was charged to develop a fail-safe defense mechanism.

We have been working on this project for over two years, and we are now able to announce that the project has born viable fruit. We have a defense against the potential loose Lawless Legume.

I am not at liberty to divulge the exact nature - the specifics - of our new defense system - the SSD. However, I am able to note that it involves a 200 gallon mixture of equal parts vinegar and virgin olive oil, and the second biggest set of salad tongs ever built. Savage Shrubbery beware!

With that, I announce the implementation, throughout the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, of the Strategic Salad Defense.

The system is available, at a very reasonable price, to other nations concerned with possible invasion by Fierce Foliage Fighters. Just pop by the Ministry of Motor Vehicles, Pickling, and Defense and ask for a demonstration.

Ravenspire

24-02-2004, 06:14

Ravens, Down to 8, Fail to Win Again.

What remains of the Ravenspire national football team managed to eke out a draw against a group of unknown newcomers today.

The Ravens, who have had to rely heavily on substitutes this year due to an epidemic among the players, have failed to field a full team for their last four matches, relying on a 4-1-4 formation. With the loss of two more players today, including sole remaining starter Seth Black, the Ravens were left with a 3-1-3 whose anemic play resulted in a drawn-out match where little progress was made on either side for long stretches, punctuated by two brief periods of excitement near the end of each half, where goals were scored by either side.

Not only are the Ravens' hopes of qualifying slim, but so are their odds of being able to play in the knockoff rounds if by some miracle they do manage to do so. Several gambling houses are offering lines on the likelihood of a withdrawal due to lack of players. Others offer odds on which substitute will be the next to succumb to the disease.

Ravens manager Zhen Sui-Ling could not be reached for comment; some speculate that she may have fallen ill as well.

"Water Wet," Says Scientist.

Dr. Zeke Bottelbraenger, of the Ravenspire Institute of Scientific Research (not to be confused with the Scientific Research Institute of Ravenspire --ed.), has empirically confirmed that water is wet. In an experiment involving (see WET, p. 13A)

The Belmore Family

24-02-2004, 07:46

Minister Confirms Last Day of Devil's Advocate Process.

The Last Day of the Devil's Advocate Period will commence today, with the devil's advocate having until 12 O’clock Midnight (GMT) today to enter their report.

Speaking exclusively to the Daily Belmorian Pope Frank said "Frankly, I was surprised when I found out we had not got rid of the Devil's Advocate Process, such as the Holy Roman Catholic Church, but the procedure must, according to our own laws, go ahead. We hope the canonization of Blessed Alan Belmore of Alan City will go ahead so that God's will can be done."

If the devil's advocate fails to find any incriminating evidence by 12 O’clock midnight, Pope Frank will be looking only for a second miracle for Blessed Alan Belmore of Alan City to be canonized. So, I went out to find what people on the streets would consider a miracle.

"I think getting us to the World Cup Final for the first time would be a miracle"
John Smith (36)

"I think getting into the semis would be a miracle with this team, losing 1-0 to Gerard, awful."
Fred Jones (27)

So, with conflicting ideas on what is a miracle, the canonization of Blessed Alan Belmore of Alan City will not be an easy task.

Liverpool England

24-02-2004, 08:40

The World Cup Update
Decaltré Jomans and Harvey Jacobsen at the Old National Stadium for Liverpool England 0 Antaeus Rising 0
At least we drew...

Liverpool England 0 (Steven Blackwell m/pen 7, Howard Christopher sent off 73)
Antaeus Rising 0 (<player 67> sent off 72)

Three main talking points yesterday at the Old National Stadium in CCL as Liverpool England slipped further down the table with Zeronia winning. First, the ref's refereeing mistakes - for what was a clear-cut handball in the fourth minute in the Antaen box, no penalty, and for a Liverpool England dive, a Liverpool England penalty - and hence our next arguement.

Should Steven Blackwell have missed the penalty on purpose? Was he unhappy that his teammate had tried to cheat? What ever the reason was, Blackwell made a mistake which could well have caused his team the game - he blasted the ball 4 yards wide of the goal from 12 yards.

The relatively quiet game was marred by a bad incident in the 72nd minute. Antaen player no. 67, who was already on a yellow card, kicked out hard at Howard Christopher with no intention of winning the ball, and Christopher went down. As the referee came over to talk to player 67, Christopher lashed out with a kick, and the two got into a fight with Blackwell trying to restrain them - to which player 67 had punched Blackwell.

The referee came over, took out the red, and flashed it straight at player 67 without a second yellow. Christopher received similar punishments. Blackwell was told not to meddle with the ref's job and let off.

FULL TIME
Liverpool England 0 Antaeus Rising 0

Liverpool England

24-02-2004, 08:59

Football Association of Liverpool England
CC: Team Manager Caddy Cannon
To: The WCC Referee's Committee
Re: Brawl, Liverpool England vs Antaeus Rising

To the WCC Referreing Committee, the FALE would like to put forward our thoughts on the brawl and the match and quality of refereeing in general.

-Handball in the area is always a penalty - was the ref bind? I know that he's Audioslavian, but he shouldn't do that, even if he hates both teams!
-Dive and its a penalty? What next, Kicking out at players and you get a free kick?
-You'd expect the referee to get in and stop the two players before the brawl begins.

About the brawl:
1. We do hope that Mr Christopher gets only a 2 match suspension, nothing more - all he did was retaliate.
2. We are asking for at least a 7 match ban for the Antaen player, kicking at a player with no intention of getting the ball (1 match), getting involved in a brawl (Violent conduct, 3 matches) and punching a player (Violen Conduct, 3 matches).

We must note that is all.
Yours sincerely,
Paul Oliver Dussis
The Managerial Director for Football Affairs at the Football Association of Liverpool England

Jeruselem

24-02-2004, 14:06

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders clip Eagle's wings in day of upsets

The Crusaders scored an unexpected 1-0 win over The Eagles Nest today on day where Group 11 leaders stumbled over lowly opponents including a win by BSE Free Bovines over Oglethorpia, but Holy India lost to Brazillco to remain on the bottom. The Weegies kept their hopes alive upsetting Spaam.

The Eagles Nest team had it all to play for, 1st position in Group 11, but the old Crusader defense returned and kept out the marauding Eagles. Chances on boths sides failed to result in a scoreless but exciting first half. Next defender Garric Ashallond handballed in his Nest's penalty area late in the 2nd half and Harry Kewell put home a solid penalty goal.

Captain Kewell spoke to the press "Critics expected another 5-0 loss, but we showed them we are not the same amateurs in WC XI. Four games to play, but I think Spaam and The Eagles Nest are my current favourites". When asked about the handball, Kewell remarked "He outdid Maradona."

The last game Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam in game 14 is reported to be sold out.

The Weegies play The Eagles Nest next.

[code:1:e69addb85a]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia 10 6 2 2 19 10 9 20 32
2 Spaam 10 6 2 2 17 8 9 20 32
3 The Eagles Nest 10 5 3 2 16 7 9 18 30
4 Brazillico 10 4 3 3 17 11 6 15 27
5 The Weegies 10 4 2 4 15 14 1 14 26
6 Jeruselem 10 2 5 3 11 19 -8 11 23
7 BSE Free Bovines 10 3 1 6 11 15 -4 10 22
E Holy India 10 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 15
[/code:1:e69addb85a]

One Red Dot

24-02-2004, 15:19

The Red Dot Informant

New Hope for Wolves
By Ken Takajima, Freelance Sports Writer

Things are looking better for the Red Dot Wolves after a draw against 'top-of-the-table' Gesamtkuntswerk and the topppling of a newcomer that defeated the Wolves at their grounds earlier.

The 0-0 draw against Gesamtkuntswerk was much welcomed after a desperate loss against Commerce Heights. 'The players have been picking up the pace' says Head Coach Alvin Ker, and he was proud as no sooner than that, the Wolves ravaged Patinhas 3-2 at the Gweridijong City Stadium at where else but, you guessed it: Gweridijong City in Northeast One Red Dot.

There were also many other sports-related rumours which simply cannot be ignored, including and not in relavent importance: the wisest (but delusional) Nate E. Visser arranging the ELA for yet another diabolical terrorist attack on mankind. He (or 'it' as I would prefer it), however, claims that it is the fault of the Killcumbers, a sentient vegetable race that even I haven't heard of. I'd say that it just another of its delusional propaganda.

Also, is the planned assasination of everyone's favourite (almost) footballer, Alan Belmore, who supposedly has a bunch of abbreviations stuck to his name which includes a PhD, which could possibly stand for Professor of Hideous Destruction or Planner (of) Highly Dangerous (Activities), among other suggestions. Anyway, the mastermind is rumoured to be yet another vegetable. No, not the 'wisest' of all Evisceratomatoes. This time its possibly the shadiest of all zucchinis.

Chai Nao-Jin, a self-proclaimed sentient vegetable psychoanalysis, says that the sudden turn of ideals among the sentient vegetable race, which might include other sentient beings, could be the result of many disastrous events, which includes the Evisceratomatoes Proliferation Mass-Suicide (E-PMS) conducted by East Spaam and the hungry consumers, among other events.

Also, Red Dot Wolves history is about to take place yet again when soon, in 8 goals time, the One Red Dot International Squad would have scored its 200th goal. Till then, they are eager to reach that target. The 100th goal was reached in WC8.

Essential World Cup Information

Qualifier Group 12 Table - Supplied by Stats Progressa, Edited by The Red Dot Informant)
[code:1:f51f3dd769]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Gesamtkuntswerk 10 6 3 1 22 8 14 21 33
2 Commerce Heights 10 5 5 0 20 7 13 20 32
3 One Red Dot 10 4 4 2 15 9 6 16 28
4 Grand Master Mark 10 4 1 5 12 17 -5 13 25
5 Patinhas 10 3 3 4 9 13 -4 12 24
6 Praying2God 10 2 3 5 9 14 -5 9 21
7 The Master Cooper 10 0 7 3 8 16 -8 7 19
8 Costa Lot 10 1 4 5 9 20 -11 7 19[/code:1:f51f3dd769]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:f51f3dd769]
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11 WC12
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 17 7 17 10

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 8 4 10 4
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 4 1 6 4
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 5 2 1 2

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 24 14 29 15
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 1.71 1.50
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 19 11 7 9
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.41 0.90
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +22 +6
Average GD -0.11 +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +1.29 0.60

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 79 86 103 113

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 40 44 54 58
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 17 18 24 28
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 22 24 25 27

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 134 148 177 192
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.72 1.70
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 89 100 107 116
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.04 1.03
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +48 +70 +76
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.68 0.67

Average Opp. Rank# 20.50 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 26.00 39.67
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1 1 4 15
Lowest Opp. Rank# 30 26 50 52 68 79 50 50 74

Pre-Match Rank - 27 30 22 16 29 29 20 11

#Newbie ranks are excluded.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:f51f3dd769]

One Red Dot Match Fixtures - Day 11 ~ 14
Costa Lot v One Red Dot @ Costa Lot
One Red Dot v Praying2God @ Chisai’nihon Stadium
The Master Cooper v One Red Dot @ The Master Cooper
One Red Dot v Grand master Mark @ Royal Red Dot Nation Stadium

Tickets to all matches can be bought at your local ORDOTIX counters. Prices subject to locale.
All matches are also telecast 'live' on Channel 7.

Audioslavia

24-02-2004, 16:01

-Handball in the area is always a penalty - was the ref bind? I know that he's Audioslavian, but he shouldn't do that, even if he hates both teams!

Not true. Having a ball hit your hand is different from having your hand hit a ball.

-Dive and its a penalty? What next, Kicking out at players and you get a free kick?

Nope, kick out at players and they get a free kick. About the diving thing: If your players are really good at cheating then it'd be harder for the referee to distinguish between a foul and a dive.

-You'd expect the referee to get in and stop the two players before the brawl begins.

Why? its funny watching lots of LE players get beat up :) Our ref's post-match report stated that no Antaeus Rising players were harmed, but most of the puny LE players got their ass kicked :)

i love godmodding

Audioslavia

24-02-2004, 16:34

'Slaves top group

A 2-0 away-win over lowly Abysmalistan put the 'slaves at the top of group 4 for the very first time. Indeed, it is the first time Audioslavia have been at the top of a qualifying group for seven years.

Two second-half goals - an Ian Maidens header and a tap-in by substitute Craig Belmore - gave the 'slaves the win.

[code:1:d520fe06f9]GROUP 4
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Audioslavia 10 6 2 2 22 11 11 20 32
2 East Spaam 10 6 1 3 17 9 8 19 31
3 Gaddland 10 5 2 3 13 13 0 17 29
4 Eaglet 10 4 3 3 16 14 2 15 27
5 Iansisle 10 4 2 4 14 10 4 14 26
6 EL CID THE HERO 10 4 2 4 14 13 1 14 26
7 James A Hollar 10 2 2 6 9 22 -13 8 20
8 Abysmalistan 10 2 0 8 11 24 -13 6 18 [/code:1:d520fe06f9]

East Spaam lost the top spot by losing away to Gaddland. The Gadds rise continues as they creep to within two points of the top two. Iansisle's run of poor form continues as they were beaten 1-0 at home by El Cid The Hero.

Audioslavia and East Spaam play each other next week, with the winner probably being all-but assured of a place in the World Cup.

This has been Malcom McVities, g'nite bitches

Halfassedstates

24-02-2004, 17:34

WC XII qualifying update;
Group 5

Halfassed back in the hunt!

Three succesive wins have dragged the Halfassed side back into the race for qualification from Group 5.

After suffering successive defeats for the first time since the WC10 finals, Halfassed reached the turning point in the qualification campaign just about able to see the top teams in the group. The favorites had struggled badly with many of the players in the squad anonymus during the first few games.

Manager Jarvis Smith survived a 4 hour grilling by the HFA board of directors and received the notorious vote of confidence when just about every journalist in the country had written him off.

It didn't matter much was the story, the next game saw Halfassed take on Svecia who we had never beaten. Anything less than a win and Smith was surely out on his ear.

A half empty Commonwealth stadium watched a match beleiving the same. With just 10 minutes to go, Smith played his last card, Adam Marks came on for his second appearance. 30 seconds later his first touch flicked the ball on to Sherwood. 2 seconds after that his second touch buried the return pass into the bottom corner of the net. Halfassed were about to do it. The impossible could happen, the curse could be broken!
When the final whistle was eventually blown, the roar from the Halfassed fans would have made you proud if the stadium had been filled to capacity never mind half full!

Off went the team to visit the Croc clones. Bi Kerere had been quoted in the Halfassed media as saying the TB team was looking forward to 'eating them alive' and 'finishing the halfassed challenge' - remarks that were denied by the coach and missed by ever other reporter in the press conference apart from the Whogivesa Herald reporter who published them. Whether the report was true or not is doubtful, but it was vital ammo for Smith, who's team talk must have been the easiest in his career. A Soap free-kick and a Ducks header gave Halfassed an unassailable 2-0 half time lead. A (insert name here-- ) strike after 65 minutes made the final few minutes very tense, but Halfassed held on for another vital win.

Dokett, the unknown team who beat Halfassed in the third game, were next on the list and a increasingly confident Halfassed side tore them apart. Ducks was on target again, and Marks made it 2 just before the halftime whistle. Dokett pulled one back after 56 minutes, but Sherwood, making an earlier than expected comeback from injury, finished the scoring after coming off the bench with 5 minutes left.

Next up for Halfassed is a trip to True Yorkshire who surprised Svecia and will be gunning for revenge after their 4-0 defeat earlier in the campaign

BSE Free Bovines

24-02-2004, 17:37

BOVINE TIMES

MATCHDAY 10 PROVIDES UPSETS IN GROUP 11. BOVINES BEAT WONDERTEAM 2 - 1

EL TORO

The Bovines took full advantage of "upset day" in group 11 qualifying and managed a 2 - 1 home win over the Wonderteam from Oglethorpia. In what had to be a bad day for betting houses throughout the nations of group 11, the three sides at the top of the table lost. Today's results did not change the table, but did allow Brazillico and The Weegies to close ranks with third place side The Eagles Nest. The next set of fixtures should certainly be very interesting. Classification out of this group is not likely to be decided until the final whistle of the final match on matchday 14.

The Bovines took the pitch in a defensive 4-5-1 formation. It appeared that the Bovines were going to attempt to slow the Wonderteam in midfield and provide a solid back line in front of their keeper Devon. For the first 30 minutes of the match the Bovines were content to sit back mostly in their own half and trade possession with the Wonderteam. The Oglethorpians seemed to be searching for a way through the clogged midfield but the Bovines seemed to deflect their passes and frustrate their attempts to establish a positive tempo. The Wonderteam broke through in the 34th minute as Baltasar Gray found Jorge White deep on the left flank. White's cross was headed out of bounds by Angus at the near post. Floyd Black took the corner and sent a laser beam of a pass to the near post where Jorge White out jumped his defender and headed the ball back to Torrence Black at the penalty spot. Torrence wasted no time smashing a volley past the Bovine keeper. Both teams seemed content with the score as no other threats appeared until the half time whistle, and the Wonderteam went into the lockeroom up 1-nil.

The Bovines came out for the second half with more urgency in their play. In the 55th minute they capitalized on a free kick from 20 meters out. Piedmontese struck a hard shot that Wonderteam keeper Murray White touched but could not push around the post. With the score knotted at 1 all both teams continued looking for an opportunity for the go ahead score. Floyd Black and Torrence Black had a great opportunity in the 66th minute as they broke down the Bovine defense on the left and Torrence Black sent a low shot past a diving Devon, but the ball went just wide of the far post. The Bovines broke through in the 69th minute on a corner taken by Friesian, he floated the ball just out of reach of keeper Murray White and central defender Kerry, who had moved up for the corner, headed the ball into the net. At this point the Bovines fell back into a defensive bunker and hung on for the rest of the match.

The victory keeps the Bovines alive in the group for a little while longer. The Bovines next match is away at Brazillico. No one from the Bovine side would tells us whether Horace will acompany them on the trip.

The Wonderteam would not confirm nor deny whether Archy Ferdinand had made the trip to El Toro with the Oglethorpian side. There were no sightings of the now retired Wonderteam defender in the VIP section, nor anywhere in the stands of "The Pasture." Security for the match had been expected to be very tight in light of the recent attempts on Archy's life, but there were no outward signs of any changes in the security arrangements from the previous home match against Jeruselem.

Abysmalistan

24-02-2004, 18:30

The Abysmal Times:

Audioslavia defeats Abysmals in only one half
The Abysmali Abysmals have lost another home match, this time against the Soundgardian U11 team from Audioslavia. The real team prefered to stay home and to practise for the next real opponent: East Spaam. It is an example of our lack of class to lose against this team, even if it's only by 0-2. The weather in Abysmal City was not as bad as ever. Instead of raining cats and dogs, thick fog covered the city and the pitch. Despite this, the match took place. Il, chief of the AbysmalFA said: "If we re-schedule our matches, if the weather is bad, they'll never take place!" The whole first half saw no good chances, perhaps due to the fact, that no one could see what was five meters in front of him, but that is only a guess. In the half-time-pause, the rain started again and made the fog disappear. In the second half, the soundgardenians scored two goals, perhaps because the muddy pitch prevented them from incresing the lead even more. One goal happened after the perhaps strangest incidence in this qualification: Defender Lulu lost the header duel against the 10 years old player Ian Maidens, who capitalises this great chance.

Abysmalistan

24-02-2004, 18:31

The inflation rate in Abysmalistan reached an alltime low of 1264%!

Abysmalistan

24-02-2004, 18:31

Fly Crash-Cheap Airways!

Squornshelous

25-02-2004, 00:45

Squornshelous Defeats Eauz
Squornshelous recorded a 3-2 victory in matchday 10.

Scoring
Knorr: 1
Rivera: 1
Richards: 1

Yet Another 4-1 Victory
The Pschychoes continued their winning streak with their third 4-1 win in four games, this one over Rinkeby.

Scoring
Jackson: 2
Pavon: 1
Richards: 1

Squornshelous' Scoreres
Jackson: 7
Knorr: 5
Richards: 5
Pavon: 2
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1

Group Standings after Matchday 11
[code:1:0ec8fff5a0]
GROUP 7
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Giant Zucchini 11 8 1 2 26 9 15 25
2 Squornshelous 11 7 2 2 22 11 11 23
3 Creedence Clearwater 11 5 2 4 19 17 2 17
4 Eauz 11 4 4 3 14 13 1 16
5 Mattigool 11 4 3 4 15 14 1 15
6 Rinkeby 11 3 1 7 9 20 -11 10
7 AlanShearer 11 1 5 5 10 20 -10 8
8 Valient 11 2 2 7 10 26 -16 8
[/code:1:0ec8fff5a0]

Qualification Scenarios
If Creedence Clearwater wins Matchday 12, AlanShearer, Valient, Rinkeby are Eliminated.

Euaz and Matigool must win at least one more game.

If Giant Zucchini Wins or Draws, they are Qualified.

If Squonshelous wins and Creedence Clearwater draws/ties we are qualified.

The Eagles Nest

25-02-2004, 01:33

Strike Birds Come Through

Eagle's Nest Takes Second with 1-0 Win Over The Weegies

With the late kick time today, The Birds knew they had a chance to open up on 4th place Brazillico and go into a virtual tie for second with Spaam. Brazillico's loss to BSE Free Bovines and Spaam's 2-2 tie with Jeruselem had just went final, and Holy India was LEADING Oglethorpia 1-0 early in the first half when the Birds took the field.

The first half was great football with strike after counterstrike all half long. Goalkeepers Adams of the Nest and Britton of The Weegies put on an absolute clinic on how to protect the net. Some of the most spectacular diving saves that have been seen all qualifying were in this game. The closest to a goal came when Weegie striker Robert Hardie hit a shot that was deflected off of Adams on to the side post which then bounced up, hit the top post and was covered right as the ball was starting to spin behind the goal line. Luckily, halftime was called not too soon after and once again, the first half ended scoreless.

The halftime show was for once very calm, entertaining, and no security issues or bouts of hysteria. The two teams came out again in a very defensive mood. For the next 30 minutes, all of the scoring chances were easily taken by the goalies, when they occured. The Nest understood that at least a tie would add to thier lead over Brazillico and so played conservatively. but luck (or karma) was on the Birds' side. A handball was called on Weegies defender Jamie Bryant, that looked almost like the phantom handball that was called on Garric Ashallond the game before against Jeruselem. Team star Josh Adams calmly waked to the penalty spot, looked at the goalie, and then faked a shot left and then rolled it quickly to the right pole. The goalie lurched left, and tried to make the diving stop, but the ball rolled just past his outstretched hands. 1-0 Strike Birds.

The remaining 15 minutes saw The Weegies play their hearts out to equalize as they realized that if the score held their chances of qualifying would be thin. Nathan Adams again came to the rescue with 6 spectacular saves in the last 10 minutes to seal the win.

With the win, The Eagle's Nest had tied the second place Spaam, but on further review actually had 2nd place all to themselves on Goal Differential. The Nest goes to 'The Pasture" tomorrow for a critical must win game. This game is also a must win for The Bovines as a loss would knock them out of qualifying.

Striker J. Adams on the game.

"Great game. Good defense, great goalies. I've never seen two goalies play like that."

Goalie N. Adams on the game.

"How many saves? 26? How many did Britten have? 34? Wow. unbelieveable. We really played off of the fans. I mean this is getting down to the crunch. We need our fans where ever we go. Home or away."

Coach J. Adams on qualifying.

"Winning helped. It really did, but we aren't safe yet. We have a 6 point lead, with 3 games to go. 1 win will make it very hard for us to not at least make the transfer round. 2 wins, maybe 1 win and a tie, we might do it. We'll let the pundits figure out what we have to do. We plan to win all three. That way we know we are in."

Tomorrows game at BSE Free Bovines kicks off at 4 pm. Make sure that all beef products are left at home.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 75:06 (PK) (10)

The Weegies
None

Yellow Cards
None

Matchday 11 Recap

Todays matches say Jeruselem tie Spaam 2-2, and was rewarded with elimination from this qualifying tournament. BSE Free Bovines helped the Nest with a win over Brazillico 1-0, Oglethorpia, after an early scare, easily took Holy India to another defeat, 3-1. With three days left the group is now almost locked up for Oglethorpia, Spaam and The Eagle's Nest, while Brazillico has an outside chance still to make it.

[code:1:5aea2a42c9]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia 11 7 2 2 22 11 11 23 32
2 The Eagles Nest 11 6 3 2 17 7 10 21 30
3 Spaam 11 6 2 3 19 10 9 21 30
4 Brazillico 11 4 3 4 17 12 5 15 24
5 The Weegies 11 4 2 4 15 15 0 14 23
6 BSE Free Bovines 11 4 1 6 12 15 -3 13 22
E Jeruselem 11 2 6 3 13 21 -8 12 20
E Holy India 11 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 15
[/code:1:5aea2a42c9]

Eagle's Nest Qualifying Results
Eagle's Nest @ Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest vs. Holy India Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Jeruselem Tie 2-2
Eagle's Nest @ The Weegies Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest vs. BSE Free Bovines Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Oglethorpia Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Spaam Loss 0-1

Eagle's Nest vs. Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Holy India Win 4-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Jeruselem Loss 0-1
Eagle's Nest vs. The Weegies Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ BSE Free Bovines
Eagle's Nest @ Oglethorpia
Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam

Expect a full analysis of Group 11 tonight to see the final three days of the Group Qualifying.

Brazillico

25-02-2004, 01:42

A cheesy keyboard solo plays as two spotlights move around in a half-hazard fashion against a red, silk curtain. The live audience begins to roar as APPLAUSE lights come on in the studio.

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Rib’s Revenge with your host, Steeeeeeeeeve Ribeiro!

The pudgy Steve Ribeiro jogs out through the curtains and waves to the crowd. He’s sporting a rather fastidious looking shiny-emerald blazer with rather normal black slacks. The bright lights of the studio reflect off Steve’s carefully gelled black helmet hair and the multiple trinkets and jewellery he’s sporting.

Steve: Thank you for that warm ovation. For those of you who don’t know, this is a brand new show designed to let you, the viewer, decide how to improve our national team. *Steve pauses as the crowd cheers* Now I’m sure all of you have heard about the 1-0 loss we’ve just suffered at the hands of BSE Free Bovines. *Crowd boos wildly, not holding back the feeling of disgust towards their team* Yeah, I feel that way too. But you know what, with Rib’s Revenge, all that’s gonna change as we’re gonna drop some of the dead weight from the Chili Bats. *Crowd cheers* Without waiting any longer, here are the five randomly selected nominees on the Chopping Block!

Five dejected looking men stand on an elevated rectangular prism, known as the “Chopping Block”. The camera pans across the group, as the narrator give a brief description of each.

Narrator: Salazar was the national side’s starting goaltender, but some shaky performances his number one status in doubt. He’s 30 years old, plays his club ball for Real Libertad and is four time Serie A goalkeeper of the year. However, some lapses in concentration have caused him to let in some very weak goals and Brazillico is very deep at the goaltending position.

Palacio is in his second cup, participating in this edition primarily as a reserve defender. Despite being over the hill at 37, Palacio’s size and tackling skill command respect in the box and his motivational skills gain respect in the locker room. However, the Terrabella City defender’s pace is pretty much gone, allowing youthful strikers to run circles around him at will.

Junior Socrates is also in his second cup and is one of Brazillico’s starting midfielders at the tender age of 25. Renowned for his silky smooth world-class passing ability, the Real Libertad player also has decent size and a good nose for the net. Junior Socrates’ biggest fault is his lack of heart, gingerly moping around when the ball is in enemy hands, rarely coming back to play defence.

McMahon is out of jail for this special occasion after being busted for attempting to smuggle evisceratomato seeds into the country. McMahon is a gutsy midfielder, known for his hussle and stiff challenges. McMahon’s offensive skills remain relatively unpolished and did we mention he’s a felon who likes to eat evisceratomatoes?

Batista is the captain of the Chili Bats, and the third member of the Chopping Block who plays his club ball for Real Libertad. Batista’s a very well rounded defender, who uses his pace and tackling skills to stymie opposing wingers. Not much downside with Batista, besides his competitive nature which occasionally gets him into card trouble.

Steve: Thanks Mike for the rundown of the Chopping Block. Now I said earlier in the show that one of these players are going to be eliminated from the national side, but I don’t think I mentioned how. Here’s the exciting twist that’s going to make Rib’s Revenge a real hit. You, the viewers, will get to decide which of these five get killed live on national television! You’re saying it’s a bit too harsh? All they had to do was play a little harder and they wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Now, we also have another very special surprise and that is to decide how one of these unlucky fella is going to meet his fate. And to help us to do that, we have the Wheel of Misfortune!

A curvy woman wearing a rather flattering gown which matches Steve’s blazer struts out onto the stage in high heels, pushing the Wheel of Misfortune. The zoom up by the camera shows certain areas of the wheel with titles including, GUILLOTINE, LETHAL INJECTION and GORE. The woman reaches center stage and strikes a pose, pointing both arms towards the wheel.

Steve: Let’s give this girl a whirl!

Steve spins the wheel and the multicoloured sections give a real dizzying effect to the wheel. The wheel slowly starts to slow down and eventually settles on STEVE’S CHOICE. Lights flicker off from every direction as the crowd cheers wildly.

Steve: I don’t believe it, but it looks like I’m going to have to choose one! *Pauses for a second* Who here wants to see… The Human Piñata?

The crowd cheers wildly to show their approval.

Steve: For any foreigners watching the show, The Human Piñata was an ancient form of torture where the recipient was hung from his legs and blindfolded, while being assaulted by several men with baseball bats. I gotta say, it’s been a while since we saw one of those on TV!

Alright, well that’s all the time we have for today, if you want to vote on who will be served Rib’s Revenge, just go to our website at http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2795448#2795448 and put down your vote, and we’ll give you the results tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat channel, good night folks!

The crowd cheers as Steve Ribeiro exits towards the Chopping Block. Steve stops as if to say something to the five members, and receives a swift kick in the mouth from Junior Socrates. Two beefy security men run on stage and tackle Junior Socrates off the chopping block, behind the camera’s view. His teammates jump down to his rescue and a mad melee ensues. The final shot of the show is one of Ribeiro holding his jaw, blood trickling out of his mouth, with a crazed yet calm look in his eyes, knowing that at least one of the men down there would be victim to his revenge tomorrow.

Brazillico

25-02-2004, 01:49

For increased dramatic effect, click
http://www.dash-ringtones.co.uk/ringtone/poly/TVFilm/52164.html
and then click play.

Locosi Colosseum. The Concrete Monster. Built for World Cup 4, it has not seen international football in over 30 years. That is, until now.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/buildingbig/wonder/structure/images/olympicstadium1_dome_1.jpg

Built in Locosi, Brazillico’s largest military instillation, the stadium’s thick, concrete skin is believed to be able to withstand the impact from a 747. The pitch was deemed “unfit” for international football after it was discovered that grass could not grow indoors. Stadium officials therefore covered the concrete field of play with a thin, green carpet they called “Astroturf”.

However, in order to try to maximize their home field advantage, Brazillico has decided to re-open Locosi for their final match, where they shall confront the Wonderteam. Locosi is where dreams are shattered and champions are made. Where the squeamish falter and the rugged persevere. Where the strong survive, and the frail roll over and die. Brazillico. Oglethorpia. February 27th 2033. Should be one for the ages.

Oglethorpia

25-02-2004, 02:05

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Holy India smited
Oglethorpia defeats Holy India again

By Bill Christmas

HOLY INDIA (BT) -- The Oglethorpian Wonderteam returned to Holy India for a second time, once again the visiting team against the Holy Native American national side. The fact that Holy India played as the home team in both meetings between the two sides was attributed to a Holy Indian Football Association clerical error -- partly due to the fourth-world country having no football association at all. Holy India had already been eliminated from possible qualification into the Cup proper a few matchdays back, but that didn't stop the Wonderteam from going into the match determined. As it was last time, the Holy Indian National Stadium's pitch remained in sorry condition -- so sorrily war-torn with a trench running down the middle with numerous other holes and valleys, that team captain Fernando Green missed the match following after suffering injuries on the poor pitch.

Finally when the match got underway on the unkempt pitch, the less than 100 fans on hand at the Holy Indian National Stadium saw a very boring first eight minutes, neither side that interested in the match -- but rather with how to negotiate the pothole-covered pitch.

Not until the 9th minute did Torrence Black get a lucky pass from Fernando Green, bouncing along the shoddy field. In his fierce national pride, the Tea Bag came out to trip Torrence Black and call the Wonderteam striker all number of profanities, planning to fill his rant to the brim with racial slurs and remarks about so-and-so's mother -- instead, the Tea Bag recieved a blow to the chest from a scorching volley from Black -- intentional or not, we'll never know. Regardless, after knocking the Tea Bag over, the ball hit the back of the net putting Oglethorpia up 1-nil in the 9th minute, off an own goal by the Holy India Tea Bag.

Following Black's celebration, the Tea Bag was taken off field briefly for a quick medical checkup -- then allowed to return to the field by the poorly-trained Holy Indian medical staff.

No more action would come in the match, the Wonderteam struggling against a strong defense -- that of the pitch, slowing up the Oglethorpian offense with it's many potholes, divots and other hazards of the unkempt field.

In the 29th, things would pick up a bit in the otherwise lackluster match -- not from the careless starting 11 who were for the most part lounging around and playing a half-assed game of football, but from a rabid, possessed Holy India fan -- calling himself the Holy Native American. The Holy Native American came onto the field with frightful speed, as if possessed by Holy Indian voodoo. Stealing the ball from Holy Indian Midfield Goonie #3, the Holy Native American would make a skillful run through the Oglethorpian defense and beat substitute keeper Murray White -- his dive not enough to stop the Holy Native American's shot from going into the left corner of the net.

After the Holy Native American's goal, the possessed Holy Indian ran out of the stadium shouting "I AM THE HOLY NATIVE AMERICAN!" and was not seen again for the remainder of the match.

The Holy Indian equalizer was short lived -- Torrence Black scored his first against an uninterested Holy Indian defense, a grounder around the keeper in the 34th to put Oglethorpia up against the Indian national side once again.

Besides a few jeers from the angry Tea Bag, the Wonderteam would go comfortably to the half with their lead still intact. The first half saw no injuries caused by the Tea Bag -- the agitator responsible for Archy Ferdinand's life-threatening injury in the first meeting between the two sides.

"Yeah man, like we're really playing well dude," said an excited Kirk Calhoun. "Like, okay. Their defense is bad -- if we can play on that really shitty pitch, you know man? Than we can put another goal in and kick the shit out of the Tea Bag. Let's do this," said Calhoun before going out on the field once again for the second half.

The start of the second half was much like the first -- aside from excited attempts to rile up an otherwise bored Holy Indian crowd from the rowdy, fiercely nationalistic Tea Bag, neither side would break through from a grand struggle in midfield that literally saw a 50/50 possession.

The 84th saw another goal by Torrence Black -- nothing special against a poorly preforming Holy Indian side, saved by the difficulty of playing on their war torn pitch, the site of a major battle in the Holy Indian revolution.

In the waning seconds of the game, the Holy India Tea Bag was especially belligerent; shouting profanities at coach Guy Picciotto and attempting to assault the 54 year old Megalopolis City FC manager. As full-time was sounded the Tea Bag went into a dancing fit which later transitioned into a serious seizure, the Tea Bag finally dropping over. Wonderteam medical staff -- not trusting the judgement of Holy India medical staff, pronounced the Tea Bag dead of a drug-induced stroke.

Apparently, the Tea Bag was fond of designer drugs, from whence his great energy and fierce national pride stemmed from. In final irony of the dead Holy India Tea Bag, the infamous star of group 11, the Tea Bag, being taken away from the stadium in a stretcher, was crushed by a falling section of seating in the east wing of the stadium -- burying the Holy Indian mascot and the two men carrying him away. A fitting end for the most enigmatic mascot of group 11, to die at his home grounds.

"Man, that guy could've been a good mascot," reflected team captain Fernando Green. "Too bad he was a druggie and fond of shouting and screaming angrily."

"At least we won," commented Torrence Black. "No one really cared about the Tea Bag. He was kind of an asshole, anyways. No one liked him."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 3 (Tea Bag 9th [own goal], Torrence Black 34th, 84th)
Holy India - 1 (Holy Native American 29th)

Oglethorpia

25-02-2004, 02:09

Oglethorpia

25-02-2004, 02:10

Oglethorpia

25-02-2004, 02:12

25-02-2004, 02:56

Marie Law (MeL): We're live from the House of Prayer where the Warriors have managed to keep their hopes of qualifying alive for at least one more match by defeating The Master Cooper 1-0 today, in front of a packed crowd, on a goal by Kelly Carter off a cross by Thomas Larson in the 88th minute. Any other result would have eliminated the Warriors as One Red Dot won 4-0 to move within two points of eliminating the Warriors heading into their head to head showdown in One Red Dot in the next match. Joining me today is Warriors Head Coach Martin Luther. Coach, first off, how do you think your team played today.

Martin Luther (MaL): We didn't play the best out there, but we still managed to squeek out a win.

MeL: How is your team going to prepare for the must-win match at ORD?

MaL: Just like we prepare for any other match. Like the cliche says, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." We've earned seven points in the last three matches, we're peaking at the right time. Hopefully, our four match losing streak earlier in qualifying won't come back to haunt us.

MeL: Your young players don't have a clue what it's like competing at this point of a major competition. How will you prepare them for what lies ahead?

MaL: This is the first time ANY of us are COMPETITING this late in a major competition. We had been long since eliminated by this point in WC XI, so we didn't get an indication then of what being competitive is like this late in a major competition.

MeL: That's an interesting perspective. What will you tell your team before the ORD match?

MaL: Exactly what I've told them before every other match. Have fun and try your best. I don't have any message for them that they haven't heard already. If I did anything differently, it might throw them out of sync, and do more harm than good.

MeL: What do you think the odds are that your team will qualify? And just for the sake of discussion let's assume that you win the ORD match.

MaL: The odds would still be stacked heavily against us. We would have to win both at Patinhas and here against Gesamtkuntswerk. That's not an easy task. In addition, ORD would realistically have to go no better than 0-1-1 in the last two matches for us to have a chance. So, the best case scenario for us has the race for the third spot coming down to the last match of qualifying, and that's assuming that Grand Master Mark also provides us with help by gaining no more than four or five points (depending on how the scores break down) in their last three matches.

MeL: Coach, one more question. Do you encourage your players to form bonds between each other?

MaL: Let's just say that I don't discourage it, but I don't promote it either.

MeL: Thank you, Coach. Good luck to you in the remainder of the tournament.

MaL: Thank you, Marie. It's always a pleasure talking to you.

MeL: Let's send it back to Jennifer in the studio.

Jennifer Johnson: Thank you, as always, Marie for that excellent report. That's right folks...the Warriors are still alive by a thread heading to One Red Dot for a must-win match. For those of you who turned in late, let's recap what happened today. The Warriors defeated The Master Cooper today 1-0 on a goal by Kelly Carter in the 88th minute at the House of Prayer. Good night everybody.

PRAYING2GOD 1 -Carter (88th minute from Larson, 2nd of the Cup)

The Master Cooper 0

Unofficial Group 12 Standings (after 11 of 14 matches):
Gesamtkuntswerk (30) 7-1-3, 24 points, +14 GD
Commerce Heights (15) 5-1-5, 20 points, +12 GD
One Red Dot (11) 5-2-4, 19 points, +10 GD
Grand Master Mark 5-5-1, 16 points, +2 GD
PRAYING2GOD (74) 3-5-3, 12 points, -4 GD
Patinhas 3-5-3, 12 points, -9 GD
The Master Cooper 0-4-7, 7 points, -9 GD
Costa Lot 1-6-4, 7 points, -12 GD

The Eagles Nest

25-02-2004, 03:44

Group 11 Qualifying Special

(Scenes of Recent Strike Birds flash as the promo plays)

Strike Bird Football! Group 11 Qualifying Fever has taken the country and the Birds are still in the thick of things. With three days left in qualifying, The Nest is in second place. Will they make it through? Will Brazillico catch them? Tonight's special will hopefully make it all clear in Group 11.

(pans to host standing next to TV)

I'm Max Groden, and I'll be your host for the next hour. Over the next hour we will look at the last three days of Qualifying and see how the group will sort out.

Currently, after Matchday 11, the Group looks like this:

[code:1:9e5eadaf69]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia 11 7 2 2 22 11 11 23 32
2 The Eagles Nest 11 6 3 2 17 7 10 21 30
3 Spaam 11 6 2 3 19 10 9 21 30
4 Brazillico 11 4 3 4 17 12 5 15 24
5 The Weegies 11 4 2 4 15 15 0 14 23
6 BSE Free Bovines 11 4 1 6 12 15 -3 13 22
7 Jeruselem 11 2 6 3 13 21 -8 12 21
E Holy India 11 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 15
[/code:1:9e5eadaf69]

Since our last show, The Eagle's Nest has 2 wins, 1 draw, and 1 loss. While we thought that 2 wins and a draw would do good things and secure the chance to transfer, Brazillico's run of recent games has pulled them to still within strike range.

Now, there has been a lot of crazyness in this group, ranging from assassination attempts, killcumbers, fines to players, and stadium collapses, nothing compares to what is happening in Brazillico now, as apparently their citizens are voting on which player to kill because they did not win their match today against BSE Free Bovines.

(Scenes of the Brazillico broadcast of the Wheel o' Misfortune spinning and stopping on Steve's Choice)

*sigh* Amazing. I mean, taking the games so seriously. Good luck to all involved in that vote. Anyway, we will be back after a few minutes and this break.

(Commercial)
Hello all. We wish to remind you that tomorrow's match is in BSE Free Bovines. All meat products must be certified BSE free to be brought into that country. Failure to comply to that will bring a large fine. All fans leaving the Nest will be searched through customs before they leave Nest boundaries to ensure no fines are imposed on the citizenry.

Message paid for by the Minstery of International Relations.

(/Commercial)

Welcome back. Let's take a look at tomorrow's matches shall we?

Jeruselem at Oglethorpia
The Eagles Nest at BSE Free Bovines
Brazillico at The Weegies
Holy India at Spaam

Jeruselem and Holy India are pretty much eliminated, and may want to play spoiler against Spaam and Oglethorpia. I don't see that happening and will give a win to both Oglethorpia and Spaam. The Nest should be able to win tomorrow, while the Brazillico-Weegies match gives us an interesting choice. The Weegies won the last match 2-0. So we'll give Brazillico a win in a must win game.

If this all happens, BSE Free Bovines and The Weegies would be eliminated. If Weegies win, then Brazillico would be eliminated. A tie would do neither any good. A Weegie win could be of no help if the three leading teams all win tomorrow.

So it comes down to this, Oglethorpia, Spaam and The Eagle's Nest can almost guarantee themselves a spot in the top three with wins. Brazillico can stay alive for a third place tie if they win as well.

Matchday 13 starts 2 days that will decide the match. Since Holy India, Jeruselem, Weegies, and BSE Free Bovines would all be eliminated if the three leaders win, the stage is set for the games that count:

Matchday 13:
Brazillico at Spaam
The Eagles Nest at Oglethorpia

Matchday 14:
Oglethorpia at Brazillico
Spaam at The Eagles Nest

Brazillico's only hope is to win both of these matches IF they don't lose to The Weegies on Matchday 12. A tie would do them no good.

We'll be back after this message with our prediction of these games.

(Commercial)
The Eagle's nest is a great place to do business. Our Information anaylsis is top notch, and we have a very good economy. Our citizens rank among the smartest in the region. If you are looking for a trade embassy, consider setting one up in the Nest.

Paid for by the Minster of Economy.
(/Commercial)

Well guys, it would all come down to 4 games assuming that all three leaders win on Matchday 12. Of course we thought that would happen on matchday 10. Well, here we go.

Oglethorpia will be looking for vengeance at home this time, and they will probably get it. We give this game to Oglethorpia. Spaam will probably win over Brazillico. That would give the Nest a confirmed spot into at least the transfer round, and automatically qualify Oglethorpia.

Matchday 14 boils down to one game. Eagle's Nest. Spaam. After the debacle in Spaam, the Nest is looking for revenge and would need a win to tie Spaam for second. It would then come down to Goal Differential to see who transfers automatically, and who fights to transfer.

So we say this now. 3 Wins, we win the group. 2 more wins out of the next 3, we move on. 1 win, we are looking at probably fighting to transfer in the transfer round. 0 Wins....we're in trouble.

Coach Aefnen has some tricks up his sleeve, and so we hope that the Strike Birds can pull off the unthinkable. Qualifying in our first attempt to make the Cup.

We will be back with out next special after the Group Qualifying is done and a previewof the transfer round, or the World Cup itself, depending on the Birds' fate.

Well, until next time, I'm Max Groden, and all I can say...GO BIRDS!

(credits roll to more scenes of Birds's players and fans at recent games.)

NEWI Cefn Druids

25-02-2004, 03:47

There now follows the silliest thing I've ever written
The Daily Druid

I SPY, WITH MY LITTLE EYE, SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH W
‘Is it win?’ ‘Um… no, ‘fraid not. It’s woodpecker.’
Ian Question-Mark at the CheminduStadium for NEWI Cefn Druids 1 Dokett 0

A Simon Greaves strike in the opening minutes of the second half here in Graymouth last night was not enough to stop the Druids from crashing out of the World Cup.

The performance put on by the Druids was one that got the result it deserved. They showed character without losing that Absurd essence they always have, even though they have now left the Axis of Absurdity for FIFA. However, with Halfassedstates recent run of form pushing them up the group, the Druids are now 100% out of the tournament.

If the Druids had played like this all along, then we would be talking up their chances of qualifying, not about their exit from the competition. From the first minute, when Greaves got round the back of the Dokett defence, only for the goalkeeper to collect the ball, you could see that there would only be one winner.

On other nights, the Druids could have had six or seven. However, you know that that’s never going to be the case with the Druids. Instead of laying on chances for the strikers, the midfield decided to pass it around for a lark. However, when the call from the bench came that there were no larks to be played for, the decided to play for a magpie instead. By half time, the Druids had had so much possession that they had filled their I-Spy Book of Birds, and so decided it would be a better idea to earn three points.

The goal the scored came just after they returned. Trevor Simpson, carrying whet appeared to be an ostrich, crossed the ball into the Dokett penalty area, where Greaves (pidgeon) was waiting to head the ball past a helpless keeper. From then on, the Druids seemed a bit confused again to be leading, and instead decided to fill their I-Spy books. This time round, as they had filled ‘birds’, they went for ‘at the match’, and scored record points. The box said ‘earn 10 points for a scoreboard (1000 if it shows NEWI Cefn Druids winning)’. And with that, the Druids decided to leave, after spotting a linesman’s flag, a fat man without a shirt on, the final whistle and the players’ lounge.

Final scores:

Football – NEWI Cefn Druids 1 [Greaves 47] Dokett 0
I-Spy – NEWI Cefn Druids 6,315 points (Dokett not playing)

Druids team: (4-4-2) Rodgers; Kallins, Pearson, Seaton, Lanton; Simpson, Trevor, Leyghton, James; Greaves, Mbaka.

Brazillico

25-02-2004, 03:57

If The Eagles Nest loses out and Brazillico collects two wins and a tie, Brazillico would be third, while the Strike Birds would be left nursing their wounds in the nest. Same goes to Spaam.

Liverpool England

25-02-2004, 08:25

The World Cup Update
Zeronia Downed at Home

Decaltré Jomans in CCL and Harvey Jacobsen in Zeronia for the match which ended Zeronia 0 Liverpool England 1

Zeronia 0
Liverpool England 1 (Random Spectator 40)

WHAT A MATCH. In a very amazing game, Zeronia were defeated 1-0 in Group 6 yesterday as a pitch invasion marred the game. We fast-forward to minute number 39. Blackwell has the ball, he goes upfield, a spectator, who gets past secureity, punches Blackwell - who falls - and scores against Zeronia, in a real show of 'talent'.

The Belmorian referee let the goal stand, and as the spectator was dragged away, the referee credited the assist to the security staff at the stadium. The Insanician has been banned for life.

Another pitch invasion, let's fast forward until 5 minutes from the end, left the referee open-mouthed and with no choice but to end the game, which neither manager protested against, for different reasons.

FULL TIME (86 MINUTES)
ZERONIA 0
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 1

Ravenspire

25-02-2004, 09:27

Somehow, Ravens Win
Mistake in Reporting of Score Suspected

Ravenspire's national football team, or the eight substitutes who remain in something resembling acceptable condition to play, apparently managed to win a match, by a score of 2-0, yesterday. This nearly unprecedented occurrence was met with general disbelief by the population at large. Intent on disproving this obvious urban myth, analysts converged to study tapes of the match.

"At first," explains Christian Slater, noted for his expertise in photo and video manipulation, "we suspected some die-hard fan had managed to edit the broadcast, perhaps using footage of old games to enhance the impression of a win. Of course, that just doesn't happen any more. But I turned up nothing but the usual tape-delay, and of course RNN didn't even have that, since they broadcast live. I thought I must have made a mistake, but my colleagues all agreed. It looks absolutely genuine. We haven't ruled out that theory just yet, but if it's true, then the person who did this is the best any of us has ever seen. It's really remarkable."

Other experts dismiss the possibility of a clever counterfeit, offering alternate explanations. "Sunspots," declares Buffy Friedman, a nurse and conspiracy theorist in Tir Eselyn. "If you trace the pattern of sunspots over the past 50 years, and map it against the Ravens' wins and losses, you see a very high correlation. Oh, they'll say it's a coincidence. But 50 years? That's not a coincidence, my friend, that's a pattern. You mark my words."

Sports fan Karl Rothberg suggests another possibility. "They're, like, an unknown team. Maybe we really won." Rothberg was quickly shouted down for the preposterous notion.

Officials at the Ministry of Sport have stated that an investigation is pending, but no details were forthcoming. One official noted that mass hallucination had not been ruled out, but added, "At this point, we're leaning toward a mistake in the score reporting."

Cockbill Street

25-02-2004, 10:53

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Rollercoaster Campaign Continues
Loobis Defeated After Surprise Loss To Gormith

Cockbill Street's football team is on course for the play-offs after a shocking loss at Gormith a couple of weeks ago. After a second win over Europa Britannia, most inhabitants thought Cockbill Street were in with a shout for direct qualification, but that hope was shattered in Gormith.

The match started well for the visitors, when Petisha raided up the left wing but was stopped by Gormith's defender, Gorm II, with a ferocious tackle. Garp then broke through the middle defense, which was completely asleep at the time, and scored a very easy goal into the top corner. Then, just before half-time, striker Ghulf scored on a fantastic long shot to the top corner, no chance for Axewielder. Thus, it was 2-0 at half-time, and Cockbill Street never recovered, despite having a couple of chances

Then, against the Loobis of Lubistan, Cockbill Street got back on track. Mainly thanks to the left side players, Goldminer and Petisha, who had a field day with their defenders and cooperated well together. An example came after nine minutes, when Goldminer sent a Loobi midfielder into the stands before passing the ball to Petisha, who did exactly the same with two defenders before slotting the ball in the far right corner. One-nil for the Streeters. Eight minutes later, Chris Brashear was fouled outside the area, and Thomas Lehrer curved the free-kick right into the post. However, the rebound was picked up by Helen Carpenter, who scored her first goal for Cockbill Street and made it 2-0. And the match was finally over when Greg Pollock got up to a cross from Harald Axewielder, who had done a spectacular one-two-three with Bjorn Hammerhock and Thomas Lehrer earlier in the attack, and headed in another goal.

In the second half Cockbill Street relaxed and gave their key players a rest before the match against Total n Utter Insanity, in which a win could still bring a direct qualification spot. Thus, the Loobis managed a consolation goal late in the game, but it was of minor consequence.

C-mail ratings for Gormith game: J Axewielder 4 - Goldminer 4, Carpenter 3 (Chalky on 68 ), Johnson 4 - Petisha 4, Lehrer 3 (Calcite on 77), Hammerhock 5, H Axewielder 3 - Brashear 3 (Quier on 57 4), Pollock 4, Tungsten-carbide 6.

Gormith 2 (Garp 11, Ghulf 39)
Cockbill Street 0

C-mail ratings for Lubistan game: J Axewielder 5 - Goldminer 6, Carpenter 6, Chalky 5 (Harmison on 55 5) - Petisha 7, Lehrer 5, Hammerhock 5 (Calcite on 69), H Axewielder 4 - Brashear 6 (Quier on 54 6), Pollock 6, Tungsten-carbide 5.

Cockbill Street 3 (Petisha 9, Carpenter 17, Pollock 34)
Lubistan 1 (??? 84)

Average ratings for WCXII: Jorn Axewielder 5.09 (56/11), Calcium-carbonate 4.60 (23/5), Helen Carpenter 5.27 (58/11), Peter Harmison 5.00 (20/4), Bjorn Axewielder 5.17 (31/6), Adam Petisha 5.25 (42/8 ), Robert Hauritz 5.00 (35/7), Harald Axewielder 5.18 (57/11), Simon Quier 4.90 (49/10), Chris Brashear 5.88 (47/8 ), Greg Pollock 5.20 (52/10), Niall Johnson 4.86 (34/7), Hroar Goldminer 5.25 (42/8 ), Calcite 5.33 (16/3), Tungsten-carbide 5.38 (43/8 ), Bjorn Hammerhock 5.50 (33/6), Thomas Lehrer 5.20 (26/5)

Eauz

25-02-2004, 11:52

Road win, keeps Eauz alive.

On the road at Mattigool, Les Bleus wre expecting a win, and they got it. Les Bleus won 2 – 0 in a very well played game. Finally, Les Bleus get a win after the second half of the qualifying round. Mattigool just did not look like the strong second half team it is in this game. Les Bleus are still outside of a playoff position, but with a few wins, and a few losses by the top teams, could find Les Bleus in 3rd or 2nd. Les Bleus will now travel back home and meet up with Valient, which Les Bleus completely destroyed in their first meeting, winning 4 – 0. Though, Les Bleus have to start playing well at home, because home field advantage has not been nice to Les Bleus this round, with a record of 1 Wins 2Ties and 1 Loss.

Day 1: Eauz @ Giant Zucchini L 1 - 4
Day 2: AlanShearer @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 3: Eauz @ Squornshelous T 0 - 0
Day 4: Mattigool @ Eauz T 2 - 2
Day 5: Eauz @ Valient W 4 - 0
Day 6: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Day 7: Eauz @ Rinkeby W 2 - 0

Day 8: Giant Zucchini @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Day 9: Eauz @ AlanShearer T 0 - 0
Day 10: Squornshelous @ Eauz L 3 - 2
Day 11: Eauz @ Mattigool W 2 - 0
Day 12: Valient @ Eauz
Day 13: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: Eauz @ Rinkeby

[code:1:109563da62]
GROUP 7
Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts PP
1 Giant Zucchini 11 8 1 2 26 9 17 26 25 34
2 Squornshelous 11 7 2 2 22 11 11 22 23 32
3 Creedence Clearwater 11 5 2 4 19 17 2 19 17 26
4 Eauz 11 4 4 3 16 11 5 16 16 25
5 Mattigool 11 4 3 4 15 14 1 15 15 24
6 Rinkeby 11 3 1 7 10 20 -10 10 10 19
7 AlanShearer 11 1 5 5 10 20 -10 10 8 17
8 Valient 11 2 2 7 10 26 -16 10 8 17
[/code:1:109563da62]

The Lowland Clans

25-02-2004, 12:03

ASNN - WCXII Team Selected After Clanners' Score Fest

GRAHAM CITY - Today, the Clanners beat cup new comers Magnus Valerius is a massive shoot out at Graham City Stadium. After the game, Manager Lord Mackintosh announced that the Stars had been chosen for World Cup Twelve.

"I'm very proud of our squad this year, and I think that with this renewed sense of confidence after our recent performances, our team will be ready to take on the world this cup, and I think we are going to have a chance to take it home this year," said Mackintosh in press conference after the game.

The game itself against Magnus Valerius was an excellent show of offense by both sides. The Valerian side scored after about twenty minutes of hard pressure on the Clanner defense. Then Captain Mark Jeremy took the ball after a throw-in half way into the first half, and bursted down the die with a show of quick speed and agility. He then levelled what looked like a sure goal only to have the ball punched out of the box by the Valerian goalie. The ball flew into the waiting foot of Gessius Philipoussis, who hammered it home to bring the Clanners even.

The rest of the first half was back and forth, with even amounts of offensive pressure applied by both sides. The second half, clearly favored the Clanners though. After a short burst of pressure in the first five minutes and scoring on a bad pass by defensemen Jeff McKay, The Calnners took control. The Fullbacks laid full on, not holding back a bit.

Newcoming midfields Orlando Rose and Allen Jergen, both knowing that potential starting jobs for the WC team, were on the line, quickly came up to assist the offense, with Rose playing a perfect past to a jumping Jergen, who headed the ball past the sprawling goalie and into the back of the net.

Pepper Jones, WC stalwart who has had a less than stellar campaign came alive in the second half, working as hard as he did in his glory days in WCX. His hard work soon paid off, as he chipped a beautiful pass just over a Valerian defender to Kellen Asten, who faked out the goalie with a spectacular display of skill and prowess with the ball, scored in the extra time to seal the victory for the Clanners.

TLC Clanners 3 - 2 Magnus Valerius
Philipoussis (26)
Jergen (56)
Asten (91, Extra Time)

TLC Stars - World Cup XII
STARTERS
Fullbacks
Mark Jeremy
Quentin McKeehan
Kellen Asten
Jasper Graham
Midfielders
Orlando Rose
Kassen Illius
Allen Jergen
Defenders
Heath Lest
Joshua Teller
Markus Hessus
Lester Preston
Goalie
Greg Devore

SUBSTITUES
Forwards
Chee Blackwing
Steven Kastor
Midfielders
Freddy Gany
Matt Devon
Allen Jergen
Defenders
Essius Loussis
Luther Oster
Goalie
Martin Tessler

Rejistania

25-02-2004, 12:08

Chaos broke out in the Orange-White-Blue Regions of Rejistania after the final whistle. The scoreboard at the Matix Veran Stadium, which previosly displayed 'Rejistania 3 - Talyllyn 1' changed to "'LA'KANVALI" which means in english: 'QUALIFIED!' and that didn't refer to Talyllyn. The whole country went crazy at this moment. Celebrations in every part of the country started. Streets were blocked due to the fact that people -some only covered by a large rejistanian flag - danced on it. The Talyllyn team mamaged to reach the KaMaRian airport somehow just to realize that all flights were cancelled - due to the fact that the tower crew wasn't quite sober anymore. On the next day, no newspapers were released. The country slowly got back to normal work, but similar celebrations are expected in case the Orange-Blues keep this sensational performance up in the cup in Kaze Progressa and Lemmitania.

Snub Nose 38

25-02-2004, 12:22

GROUP 3 - 11th Matchday Results
Sacco and Vanzetti 0 Warnocks Wizards 0
Stalag 5 1 Hash n Beans 0
Defari 1 Timway 1
Northern Wastestan 3 Snub Nose 38 1

[code:1:cc3e3f0033]Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts PP
1 Warnocks Wizards 11 7 4 0 21 7 14 21 25 34
2 Defari 11 7 2 2 24 16 8 24 23 32
3 Timway 11 6 4 1 17 8 9 17 22 31
4 Stalag 5 11 6 2 3 14 12 2 14 20 29
5 Snub Nose 38 11 4 2 5 17 13 4 17 14 23
6 Sacco and Vanzetti 11 4 2 5 12 13 -1 12 14 23
E Northen Wastestan 11 2 0 9 11 22 -11 11 6 15
E Hash n Beans 11 0 0 11 0 25 -25 0 0 9
[/code:1:cc3e3f0033]

In the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 a decree goes out over the land -
"All clothing not colored black will be burned.
The ringing of bells of any kind is prohibited.
Foodstuff containing sugar is banned.
Possession of chocolate is punishable by death.
Smiley faces are illegal.
Music will consist of one note, which may be repeated as often as desired.
Dance at your own risk.
Positive or up-beat adjectives will not be used.
Pessimism is encouraged - Optimists will be burned at the stake."

In the locker rooms of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans stand a number of suitcases and duffle bags. The members of the replacement Hooligans appear to be prepared to depart at a moments notice.

"There is no joy in Mudville - Mighty Casey has struck out."

:wink:
(oops! that's illegal!)

Jeruselem

25-02-2004, 13:41

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders hold up Spaam as Eagles and Ogle sneak past

Group 11 favourite Spaam was held to another draw by Jeruselem as rivals Oglethorpia and The Eagles Nest took the top 2 positions after convincing wins. Spaam need to win to in order to keep away their rivals, but only came away with a point to Jeruselem, master of draws in Group 11.

It was an even game with both teams not giving in with some spiteful tackles and aggressive play. Both teams scored 1 goal each in each half and were wasteful of changes to win towards the end. Scorers for Jeruselem were defender Casey Shika in the 17 minute and Manny Jones in the 60 minute.

Jeruselem cannot make next round now along with Holy India, but despite being 2nd last in Group 11 has proven troublesome for other teams to beat with 6 draws.

Captain Harry Kewell said "Oglethorpia, The Eagles Next and Spaam are clear contenders to make the next round. Brazillco need to win all their games and hope the top 3 lose games. The same applies to the Weegies, but their defeat to the Eagles is probably the first nail in the coffin. I can't see the Bovines making it, they are too inconsistent."

[code:1:d97845603a]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia 11 7 2 2 22 11 11 23 32
2 The Eagles Nest 11 6 3 2 17 7 10 21 30
3 Spaam 11 6 2 3 19 10 9 21 30
4 Brazillico 11 4 3 4 17 12 5 15 24
5 The Weegies 11 4 2 4 15 15 0 14 23
6 BSE Free Bovines 11 4 1 6 12 15 -3 13 22
E Jeruselem 11 2 6 3 13 21 -8 12 20
E Holy India 11 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 15
[/code:1:d97845603a]

25-02-2004, 14:28

Gaddland 0-1 Abysmalistan

A very good performance by Abysmalistan left Gaddland thinking. In their 300,000 stadium (all standing) they were outsmarted by this abysmal nation. Gaddland's defence was shoddy and weiry. Abysmalistan started of the match brightly with a 12th minute goal by their dynamo midfielder called Abysmalakalakwaka. Abysmalistan had alot of chances hitting the woodwork 4 times. Gaddland's only chance when Gadd on the volley blazed the ball into the moon's orbit from 1 yard out. Gadd also needs a bit of finishing practice said a martian living on the moon after he got hit on the head whalst gardening. The martian is now holding the ball hostage.

Gaddland 0-1 Abysmalistan
:oops:

Abysmalistan

25-02-2004, 15:16

OOC: Gaddland, I posted a roster, could you change the name for 'Bong'

After the Abysmals won yet another match, this time even against the leader of the group Gaddland, the chief of the AbysmalFA, an Abysmali called Il, had the hard job to explain how in the name of the allmighty Bob the Abysmals could win two matches and get 9 points (in case you might find his strange, one match was forfit by the opponent and awarded as a win). Il did already order the dope tests for the entire team, but for strange reasons, the results of the tests couldn't reach the AbysmalFA. Now Il took desperate measures: For an amount of totally inflated yen, which doesn't even have a name he asked oglethorpian specialists to make the tests. He was really surprised by the fact, that they don't need several months for the test but would be able to make them within two days. After two days, the phone rang in the headquarters of the AbysmalFA.

Il: AbysmalFA, Il here!
Gurg: Hi Il, not.absolutely-bad to hear you, you can't believe what happened!
Il: I'm waiting for an important call, please call later!
Gurg: Ah, k, see you!
Il: Thanks for calling,

Only seconds after this call, the telephone rang again:

Il: AbysmalFA, Il here!
MG: Hello Mr. Il, I am Mel Green from the scientific institute...
Il: You finished?
MG: Yes, we did...
Il: Wha were the results?
MG: You seem to be in a hurry, don't you?
Il: In Abysmalistan, the costs for a call fall on both parties.
MG: We found a certain substance in the blood of nearly all starters in the last match, especially high in Bong's and Xiq's blood. there is a certain correlation between the concentration of this and the performance during the match.
Il: I can guess so. Xiq kept the GA down to zero and Bong shot the deciding goal - even against the Gadds. What substance was it?
MG: It is called ''RP''legal to a certain extend only... *krks*

At this moment the telephone line breaks down - and the telephone lines in the whole building - and in whole Abysmal City. Even in the entire country.

A shadwy figure left the building of Abysmal Connections, the national telephone company, whistling 'La Paloma' - after he realized how suspect this is, he changed to 'what's the use of living'.

Halfassedstates

25-02-2004, 15:43

Sowhatsville News

Smiths still in there, as Halfassed's run continues!

The away day to True Yorkshire proved quite a welcome releif for coach Smith yesterday. With striker Sherwood still not back to full fitness, Halfassed started with Marks alongside Gregg upfront. After a resounding win at home earlier in the campaign, and their recent good form, Halfassed were expected to do well, maybe not quite as well as they did though.
With just 10 minutes gone, the game was over, as captain Soap got his second of the campaign with a blistering 30 yard shot after 6 minutes. Just minutes later, striker Gregg finally broke his duck in Halfassed colours with a simple tap-in following a great run by Perfect.
On the half hour mark it was 3, and Gregg had doubled his tally with a smart strike after Marks put him through. The possiblity of Halfassed's highest ever ascoreline was on, but True Yorkshire showed their grit and dug in to avoid any further embarassment, as Halfassed eased off a bit knowing the points were safe.

This may prove to be costly, Svecias defeat of TB sees them top the table as Halfassed move ahead of TB on GD. With 5 teams within 5 points at the top of group 5, everyone having 9 points left to play for and given that Halfassed sneaked into the last WC on GD, it seems we could be headed that way again, let us hope the 'gods' don't decide it's someone elses turn this time!

BSE Free Bovines

25-02-2004, 15:44

BOVINE TIMES

BOVINE WIN PUTS BRAZILLICANS ON THE "CHOPPING BLOCK"

LA LIBERTAD, BRAZILLICO

The Bovines came to Brazillico expecting a tough reception from the Brazillican fans, and an even tougher match from the home side. They received neither and walked away winners 1-nil on the road.

The Chili Bats have been loudly criticized at home for their lackluster qualifying campaign. The Brazillico fans came to the match not so much to cheer on their squad, but to voice their criticism of every squandered scoring chance, missed pass, or defensive breakdown. The match was lackluster at best, as the home side came out flat in the first half. The pressure to win at any cost combined with the negative response of their fans seemed to drain the energy from Brazillico. The Bovines had a slow start themselves as they were expecting the Brazillicans to set the pace early on. Both sides seemed reluctant or even unable to maintain possesion for more than a couple of touches. The first half ended with neither side having any real scoring chances as the majority of the time was spent at midfield. At the break the Brazillico fans booed their side off the pitch.

Coach Galloway must have provided his side with some motivation at the break. At the start of the second half the Bovines took their cue and started to gain more ball possesion. The Brazillico players seemed reluctant to return to the pitch after the break. Their big name players appeared listless, Junior Socrates and the Cannons continued to struggle in midfield and the number of errant passes grew in the second half. The Bovines were able to capitalize in the 78th minute, as Romagnola cutoff a Junior Socrates pass just inside his own half of the field. He fed the ball on the right to Holstein who was able to get by Durango and feed the ball to Santa Gertrudis at the edge of the box. The forward sidestepped Batista and sent a hard low shot past a diving Salazar. The goal sent the Brazillico fans over the edge as they booed their side for a solid 5 minutes. The Brazillicans then left the stadium in great numbers before the end of the match. The Bovines set up their defensive bunker to preserve their lead. Brazillico was not able to put much pressure on the Bovines as their players finished the match like condemned men.

After the match, it was learned that the loss guaranteed that one of the Brazillico players would lose his life in a manner to be determined later on a television show. The exact number and identity of candidates for death was not known, but it is widely rumored that McMahon who is facing a host of legal troubles, is a leading candidate. Given his performance today, Junior Socrates may have moved up on the death list as well. Another rumor that is sweeping La Libertad is that the spot vacated by the dead man will be filled by Ronaldo, a player that is highly regarded by the Jeruselem press but is an unknown in his own country of Brazillico.

The Bovines next match will be at "The Pasture" as they'll face the upstart Strike Birds from The Eagles Nest.

Spaam

25-02-2004, 16:35

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

The Weegies End Spaam's Record Streak

Spaam's game against the Weegies was touted to be Spaam's toughest
test to date, with the Weegies clawing their way back into qualifying
contention, having tied with the Wonderteam on the Wonderteam's own
ground, and the Weegies looking for revenge after Spaam's defeat of them
in the third round. However, Spaam had at that point an record eight
game unbeaten streak, their longest in Spaamanian World Cup qualifying
history, and had no intention of losing it to the Weegies. As a result, this
game was touted to be one of the best games of the round.

The game was held in the tropical socialist paradise of the Weegies, a
massive, socially progressive nation of over a billion people. The stadium
was the newly enlarges Dear Green Peace stadium in Mackintosh, home of
the Mackintosh Armadillos. Seating 58 thousand people, it was filled to
overflowing, meaning that a number of massive television screens had to
be set up outside the stadium, to accomodate the close to 40 thousand
people, both Spaamanian and Weegian, who gathered around to watch the
matchup.

Midfielder Fin Duran returned to the side after a one match ban, but striker
Kru was left out after suffering a muscle strain in training. Meren Lûin
headed the forward pack yet again, featuring in her eleventh straight
game. Nala Eromleb took the left wing, while Luap Sissud returned to the
side, taking the Kru's position on the right. Maddi Elrik headed the
midfield, beating Travis Dodd to the position. Elen Súrion again took the
left midfield wing position, and Dígo Maradon matchd her on the right, with
Duran taking midifeld defense. Fran Bekenbár and Pálo Maldini were the
left and right wing defenders, with Finrod Súrion taking the centre position,
and his sister Alatári on goalkeeping duty.

[code:1:6621f76dc9]
F Lûin [10]
F Eromleb [2] Sissud [12]

MF Elrik [11]
M Súrion [8] Maradon [15]
MD Duran [6]

D Bekenbár [17] Maldini [16]
D Súrion [9]

G Súrion [7]
[/code:1:6621f76dc9]

The Weegians had a wider mix of ages than in their last encounter with the
Spaamanians, when they had no player older than 18. Dunn and Murphy,
both from the Mackintosh Armadillos took the left and right foward
positions. The midfield had only one change from their last match against
Spaam, with Mackintosh Thistle Celtic captain Murray, joining his
teammates Ferguson and Mathieson, and Armadillos midfielder Andrews,
returning from that game. Thistle Celtic defenders Fredriksson and
Johansson combined with Armadillo defender McManus, and Bryant from
Jamestoun City, in defense. With Britton out with a cold, Sartré had a
second chance against Spaam. Also hailing from Thistle Celtic, this meant
that ten out of the eleven starting players were all playing in their home
town.

[code:1:6621f76dc9]
F 11. Dunn 22. Murphy

M 6. Murray 8. Ferguson
M 19. Andrews 20. Mathieson

D 2. McManus 3. Bryant
D 4. Fredriksson 13. Johansson

G 12. Sartré
[/code:1:6621f76dc9]

The games started off with the Weeiges pushing early, and putting
pressure on the Spaamanian defense. An unmarked Dunn managed to
receive the ball from Murray in the 2nd minute and shoot for goal, but it
was taken down by Alatári Súrion. The defense was more frugal in their
marking after that, but the Weegian midfield managed to control the ball
early in the first half. There was another chance in the 6th minute when
Ferguson beat Duran, and, finding the path to goal clear, shot from 20
metres out. The ball would've beaten Súrion had it not gone just a little
too high, deflecting off the top post and going into the crowd.

Three more shots on goal by the 20th minute had the Spaamanian side
trying to rally in the face of an unrelenting Weegian attack, which had up
to that point completely dominated the ball. Spaam managed to get their
first inroads into their opponents half, when Eromleb won the ball in the
22nd minute, but he was forced to pass it over to Sissud, who
consequently fumbled and sent the ball over the sideling. The first shot on
goal came only in the 25th minute, when a long shot by Maradon managed
to find the star striker Lûin, who sent it flying into the left corner from just
outside the box, only for Sartré to save it with a flying leap to his right.

The rest of the second half was much of the same, but with Spaam having
an even share of the chances from that point. Their best chance came in
the 38th minute, when Eromleb stole the ball from Bryant, who had just
succesfully tackled Elrik, and made a 20 metre run before trying to shoot it
into the left side of goal. The shot would've completely beaten Sartré, but
it just caught the post, and went spinning back out. The Weegians
matched that in the 43rd minute, with Dunn choosing the right side of the
net, but it again deflected off the post. However, Murphy almost got to the
ball for an easy goal, with Súrion only just diving on the ball in time.

The first half ended with no score on the board, but the Weegies having
dominated the game to that point, with 63% of the posession, and twice
the number of shots on goal, 8 to 4. Spaam tried to dominate early in the
second half, getting an early shot on goal in the 46th minute from Sissud,
but he shot it wide of the goal. The Weegies were not to be outdone
however, matched that shot with one of their own in the 49th, Dunn being
denied only by Súrion's fingertips. Tempers were flaring at this point of
the game, mainly from the Spaamanians side, who were getting frustrated
at their poor form against their dangerous opponent.

Travesty struck in the 55th minute, when Duran tackled dangerously, and
then swore at the referee, causing him to be sent off for his second
straight game. Spaam was in panic mode, being a man down with over
half an hour still left in the game. The Weegies capitalised on this, pushing
hard down the left wing, and forcing a corner shot. It was taken by
Murray, who managed to find Dunn, who headed the ball into the top left
corner. Alatári Súrion managed to dive and save it, but it went straight to
Murphy, who tapped it in, and scored the first goal of the game. The
crowd by this stage was in a frenzy, with their home team one nil up
against the lacklustre Spaamanians.

A timeout called by Coach Melá Sëhelin saw Spaam's field being changed
around, putting number 18 Platini into a central defensive position, at the
cost of Sissud being taken off. With a 2-3-4 formation, Sëhelin hoped to
slow down the ball, and prevent any more goals being scored by the home
team. The plan seemed to work, with Platini playing aggresively, and
making sure that the Spaamanians had an equal share in the ball. The
game slowed down dramatically at that point, with the Weegians making
only two more shots on goal by the 70th minute. However, Spaam's
chances seemed to have completely dried out, and it looked like they were
heading for their first defeat in nine games.

The last 20 minutes of the game became a battle of the midfield, with the
Weegians happy to keep the ball there. Spaam tried to push for a goal,
but the home team held the cards, pushing Spaam back by threatening to
push the ball towards their goal. The Weegies became more confident in
their attacking ability, safe in the fact that the Spaamanians were being
careful to not lose another player. In the end, it was the Weegies slowing
the ball down the most, content to keep the score as it was. The game
ended with the Weegies having a total of 62% posession, and 14 shots on
goal to Spaam's 5.

Coach Sëhelin was unhappy with the loss, admitting in the post match
interview that "the team has to make up a lot for their performance today.
A loss is really not acceptable in our position, and we will make sure that
this sort of thing does not happen again. Full credit to the Weegies though,
as they played brilliantly, and capitalised on our mistakes." She had no
comment on the Duran incident however. Coach for the Weegies,
Jonathon Lyle, said that he was "ecstatic about the win. We are keeping
our chances alive, and win against such a powerful team proves that we
have what it takes. I realise that we have an uphill battle, but I believe if
we win the rest of our matches, we shave a good chance of finishing close
to the top."

The Weegies 1
(Murphy 55)
Spaam 0

<<page one>>

Spaam

25-02-2004, 17:41

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Duran "Will Never Play For Spaam Again"

USFA (United Spaam Football Association) president Pisé Doff was angry at
the behaviour of Spaamanian midfielder Fin Duran in Spaam's qualifying
match against the Weegies. Duran, who was sent off for his second
straight match, left Spaam a player down in the 53rd minute, and was a
key factor in their one nil loss to the home team. He swore at the referee
after making a dangerous tackle, which caused him to be sent off, and
gave the Weegies a big chance against the panicking Spaamanians,
which as capitalised on in the 55th minute.

Critics claim that Spaam was lucky to only lose by one goal, but that the
blame should be put on Spaamanian national coach Melá Sëhelin, as the
entire team was "lacklustre and well below par". In any case Doff has
called for Duran to receive a life ban from playing for the national side, in
addition to the five match ban and hefty monetary fine he will receive as a
result of the infraction. In any case, it is unlikely that he will be picked for
the side for any of the remaning qualifying matches.

Round Ten Sees Major Upsets

Round ten of World Cup qualifying saw the three top teams in Group 11 all
lose their matches, in a string of major upsets. Spaam lost their away
game to the Weegies one goal to nil in the first game of the round, and put
Spaam into imminent danger of slipping form equal first to third place in
their group. However, the second match of the round saw what is perhaps
the upset of the year, when the BSE Free Bovines scored two goals in the
second half to down the visiting Wonderteam. The 2-1 loss saw
Oglethorpia remain equal with Spaam, but gave the Eagles Nest a great
chance to jump into the top position of the group.

However, giant killers Jeruselem suprised all when they managed to shut
out the Nest at home, and score a miraculous one goal to nil away win.
The three straight upsets saw the top three position in the group remain
the same, and made sure Spaam kept their equal first position for the time
being. The only other game of the round saw Brazillico almost join the
string of upsets, when Holy India were up one goal to nil early in the
match, but the Brazillicans kept their cool and came away with the home
win two goals to one.

The results see Oglethorpia and Spaam stay on top of the group with 20
points, with the Eagles Nest still two points behind. Brazillico and the
Weegies make up some ground, 4th and 5th on 15 and 14 points
respectively, while Jeruselem and the BSE Free Bovines are all but
disqualified on 11 and 10 points respectively. Holy India falls further
behind, still last on 3 points.

[code:1:e0f3e0adf0]
GROUP 11 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia 10 6 2 2 19 10 +9 20
Spaam 10 6 2 2 17 8 +9 20
The Eagles Nest 10 5 3 2 16 7 +9 18
Brazillico 10 4 3 3 17 11 +6 15
The Weegies 10 4 2 4 15 14 +1 14
Jeruselem 10 2 5 3 11 19 -8 11
BSE Free Bovines 10 3 1 6 11 15 -4 10
Holy India 10 1 0 9 4 26 -22 3 Eliminated
[/code:1:e0f3e0adf0]

Psychics To Be Sacked

Spaam's official sports psychics are to be sacked, following their second
dismal performance in round ten. The psychics only managed to predict
two of the results, one of them unfortunately being Spaam's loss to the
Weegies. Luckily, they two results they predicted wrongly were the two
upsets that saw Spaam keep their share of the lead in Group 11. The
psychics will be replaced by Punxsutawney Phil, the psychic waffle. In
other news, winter will not end early.

<<page two>>

Commerce Heights

25-02-2004, 18:21

Spaam

25-02-2004, 18:58

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Jeruselem Hosts Spaam For YAD*

* Yet Another Draw

Apart from Oglethorpia, Jeruselem remained the only team that Spaam
had yet to beat, and the Spaamanians were intent on fixing that. The last
match that the two had played resulted in Spaam only managing a one all
draw at home. However, Spaam was coming off a defeat to the Weegies,
while Jeruselem was coming off an away win against the Eagles Nest, and
so the home team seemed to have the advantage. Coach Melá Sëhelin,
fielded a full strength side, with Luka Pantel becoming full time
replacement in the midfield defense over the banned Fin Duran.

[code:1:f1738963d5]
F Lûin [10]
F Eromleb [2] Kru [13]

MF Elrik [11]
M Súrion [8] Maradon [15]
MD Pantel [14]

D Bók [4] Maldini [16]
D Súrion [9]

G Súrion [7]
[/code:1:f1738963d5]

Spaam faced a team backed by a fanatical home team, and was again in
trouble early, when a Jeruselemese striker managed to break through
Spaam's defense and shoot for the upper right corner of the goal in the 4th
minute . However Alatári Súrion showed again why she is Spaam's top
goalkeeper, by leaping to her left and catching the ball, a show of true
atheleticism. Spaam hit back straight away, and were rewarded in the
14th minute when Eromleb broke through the defense himself, this time
the ball beating the keeper, and sending the visitors into the lead.

There were plenty of shots on goal from both sides, as the match turned
into an exciting seesaw offensive battle. Alatári Súrion had her work cut
out for her in the first half, as Jeruselem matched Spaam's tally of seven
shots on goal. Unfortunately, she was not perfect on goal, and in the 33rd
minute, Jeruselem hit back, when Kewell headed a perfect corner shot
straight past her own head. Suffice to say the crowd went wild as
Jeruselem tied up the match at one goal apiece, to the extent that the
match was stopped at one point when a beachball managed to find its way
onto the field.

The second half was even more frantic that the first, as Spaam tried
desparately to turn around from their loss, and Jeruselem tried to continue
their winning ways. Both teams came close early on, but it wasn't until Kru
took advantage of a careless save by the Jeruselem goalkeeper, tapping
the ball in in the 60th minute that either team was successful. With the
score at 2-1 in Spaam's favour, the pressure only increased, as Jeruselem
tried to obtain the equaliser and Spaam tried to increase the lead. The
Spaamanians came very close to putting the game out of Jeruselem's
reach in the 75th minute, when the Jeruselem keeper managed to get his
fingertips on a Lûin strike.

Despite the keeper suffering from sore fingers, Spaam almost got away
with the win until the 85th minute, when Kewell struck again. The
Spaamanian defense spread themselves too thin, leaving Kewell open and
able to beat Alatári Súrion in a one-on-one that the striker won, levelling
the scores yet again. Jeruselem almost got a win themselves, when
Kewell managed to break away again, but Finrod Súrion stopped him in
time, allowing Alatári Súrion to stop the ball, and keep Spaam alive. In
any case, the game finished in yet another draw, two goals apiece.

Jeruselem 2
(Kewell 33, 85)
Spaam 2
(Eromleb 14, Kru 60)

<<page three>>

Brazillico

25-02-2004, 19:04

The Chopping Block is shown and Steve is standing next to them. The five men on the block look edgy, all of them fearing that they could be hanging from their legs and be beaten to death by men wielding baseball bats.

Ribeiro: Welcome back to Rib’s Revenge. For those of you just tuning in, we’re about to reduce the Chopping Block from five to two. First of all, we have Salazar. Salazar, your goaltending has been sub-par to date and the audience agrees, as you’re in the bottom two.

Salazar looks on in shock, as the camera pans to a nervous looking Palacio.

Ribeiro: Palacio, you’ve been pretty much useless, only having made five appearances in the tournament to date. However, the audience seems to think that you haven’t really hurt the team and they’ve agreed to let you play another day.

Palacio hops off the chopping block and begins to walk off-stage. He’s met by his two kids who jump up in his arms and embrace him.

Ribeiro: Next, we got Junior Socrates. You’re lazy, I don’t like you, but unfortunately, the fans at home do. You’re off the block.

Junior Socrates gives Ribeiro a frigid stare, as the men’s noses nearly touch as Socrates walks past the host.

Ribeiro: How bout seeing some of that intensity on the field against The Weegies? Alright, we’re down to two men now. We have McMahon on the left and Batista on the right. McMahon over here is on trial of possession of paraphernalia used for harvesting evisceratomatoes, while Batista is a damn skilled defender who gets into card trouble. Batista… you’re free to go.

Batista hops off the stage and clicks his heels together, much to the pleasure of the crowd. Salazar and McMahon are then ordered to stand side by side on the block.

Ribeiro: Two men, three baseball bats, one rope. Who will suffer the cruel fate of The Human Piñata and who will live to see another day. Tune in after the break to find out!

-Commercial-

Willy the Happy-Go-Lucky Chili Bat has been nothing but a disappointment since he took the reins as team mascot. His home record of 1-2-3 stands as a tribute to his complete lack of skills. Sign our petition at www.firewilly.com and let’s get this moron out of here.

-Back to show-

Ribeiro: Alright, five have become two and now it’s time to take two down to one. *A gentle drum roll fills the studio* McMahon, it’s time for you to be served Rib’s Revenge.

A look of relief takes Salazar’s face as McMahon bolts for the door. The two beefy men who assaulted Junior Socrates last night tackles him down. The smaller of the two men ties a rope around McMahon’s ankles as the bigger man sits on him. McMahon is then hoisted off the ground and left to dangle helplessly.

Ribeiro: Well McMahon, looks like you’re the unlucky one this time, *Slips a blindfold on him*, and it’s time for you to pay the price for your incompetence.

Ribeiro and the two large men grab baseball bats and begin to assault the upside-down McMahon. The footballer’s screams of pain are only muffled out by the crowd’s cheers and his assaulter’s laughter. McMahon’s sorry squirming stops after his face is covered in blood.

Ribeiro: You see that? Points to the two other men, still whacking McMahon That’s what happens when you fail and you let down your country! If you don’t beat The Weegies, you can expect the very same tomorrow night! I’m Steve Ribeiro, that was Rib’s Revenge and we’ll see you next time, which I hope isn’t for a while, but judging by the will of our players, it could well be very soon.

The Rejistanian television screen which the program was being viewed on suddenly turns off in shock.

KiYuRi: Dear lord! I cannot approve of this! Perhaps because we’re so damn used to not losing.

OOC – I had originally planned to wait the full twenty-four hours, but I realized that the match results would be up and I would need a replacement.
---------------------------------------------
Todd Pink Named to National Side

The BFA announced today that McMahon’s replacement would be Tood Pink. Pink, who grew up in Oglethorpia and has never even been to Brazillico to date, has been cleared to play for the Bats on a grandfather clause which stems back to when Oglethorpia was a member of FIFA. Although rumors floating around citing that Ronaldo, the exciting midfielder/attacker for Cordova Shore would be the next to join the Chili Bats, the federation decided Pink would be the better choice.

“Right now, we’re lacking size and grit,” stated President Rodrigo Gilsterson, “and we get plenty of that with Pink.”

Todd Pink is 6’5” and can play as a defender and a support midfielder effectively. The 24-year-old Pink’s tackling ability has attracted the attention of many during his stay at Polyesterhampton. Pink’s comically large head coupled with his stature make him dangerous on set plays, where his mammoth cranium can be used effectively for both offensive and defensive purposes. Many scouts have stated that Pink’s rather weak offensively, shows a clear preference with his right foot and his sprinting speed has been questioned.

“We’ll likely use him to clog up the middle in defence and perhaps to play as a defensive midfielder,” stated Gilsterson, “His skill set matches up very well for those positions.”

Snub Nose 38

25-02-2004, 19:08

Stadium Equipment Failure Gives Bulldogs First Not-A-Win-And-Also-Not-A-Draw
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Yesterday, the Bulldogs got their first loss due to damage caused to match regulation equipment in National Stadium. The much-talked-about "RP bonus" was damaged as a shot going over the crossbar hit the equipment responsible for the effect. For the rest of the match, from the 36th minute to the whistle, the bonus effect helped Gesamtkuntswerk players instead of the Bulldogs, leading to two goals by the Sturms before halftime. Realizing the problem, National Stadium technical manager Bellan Almore deactivated the RP bonus equipment, leaving the field neutral and preventing any more abuse of the Sturms' advantage. Zaidi managed to narrow the lead down to 1 in the 61st minute, but several missed opportunities lead 2-1 to remain the final score.
(15) Commerce Heights 1 (Zaidi 61)
(30) Gesamtkuntswerk 2 - FT
The win gives Gesamtkuntswerk a 4-point lead at the top of the table over the Bulldogs. The RP bonus is expected to be fixed by the Matchday 14 home game against The Master Cooper.
:D

TOP SECRET ENCRYPTED MESSAGE
DELIVERY DIRECTED TO BE BY
MINISTRY OF SUPER SECRET SLEUTHERY

note: use the decoder we sent earlier by carrier pigeon

**********Encrypted Message Follows**********

FOR: Technical Manager Bellan Almore, National Stadium, Commerce Heights
FROM: Vice-Deputy Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages,
Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38
RE: Disruption of RP Bonus Equipment

Mr. Almore: It has come to our attention that the functioning of the RP Bonus Equipment at a recent match between Gesamtkunstwerk and the Commerce Heights Bulldogs was disrupted, and in fact began to work "in reverse", so to speak. We also understand that during the match you were able to deactivate the equipment.

We are keenly interested in these occurances. So interested, in fact, that we are willing to part with a substantial amount of legal tender, currency if you will, to acquire certain information. We believe you have that information. How would you like to have a substantial amount of cash merely for sharing that information?

There are two key things around which our interest revolves:

1. Aside from the fact that it was hit with a football at high velocity, exactly what caused the equipment to begin working in reverse and is that cause something that can be reproduced "in the field" ?

2. Exactly how were you able to deactivate the equipment?

Should you decide that the acquisition of an impressive amount of money is something you would like to experience, simply inform the messenger who handed you this message the amount you have in mind. If that amount is within our budget, we will "have a deal", as they say. Time is of the essence, sir. Please don't dawdle - we're on a tight schedule here.

Hoping to do business with you,

Vice Deputy Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages
Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38.

**********The Preceeding Has Been An Encrypted Message**********

This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.

Spaam

25-02-2004, 19:51

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Round Eleven Review

The BSE Free Bovines scored their second straight away upset as they
played Brazillico in the second match of round 11. The visitors scored the
only goal of the match in the shock win that saw Brazillico's qualifying
chances all but dashed. The Eagles Nest came a step closer to a maiden
qualification as they kept a desperate Weegies side from gaining any
points, winning their home game one nil. Finally, there were no suprises
as Oglethorpia scored three goals to defeat Holy India, who managed to
score a consolation late in the match.

The results see Oglethorpia become outright leaders on 23 points, with the
Eagles Nest and Spaam tied for second just two points behind. These
three teams are now the only with any real chances of qualifying, as
Brazillico trails in fourth spot on 15 points, who must win all their remaining
matches to stand any chance. The Weegies and the BSE Free Bovines are
all but mathematically eliminated, 5th and 6th on 14 and 13 points
respectively, the Bovine win keeping them just ahead of the threshhold.
Jeruselem is now disqualified on 12 points, while Holy India have all but
won the wooden spoon on 3.

[code:1:e8a15b18ea]
GROUP 11 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia 11 7 2 2 22 11 +11 23
The Eagles Nest 11 6 3 2 17 7 +10 21
Spaam 11 6 3 2 19 10 +9 21
Brazillico 11 4 3 4 17 12 +5 15
The Weegies 11 4 2 5 15 15 0 14
BSE Free Bovines 11 4 1 6 12 15 -3 13
Jeruselem 11 2 6 3 13 21 -8 12 Eliminated
Holy India 11 1 0 10 5 29 -24 3 Eliminated
[/code:1:e8a15b18ea]

Round Twelve Preview

Punxsutawney Phil, the psychic waffle, is predicting a Spaamanian win, for
once. Spaam will be hosting Holy India, in what should be a much needed
win for the downtrodden side. Seeing as Spaam defeated Holy India away
in a five goal shutout, the only thing they will have to fear is a possible tea
bag attack. Meanwhile Punxsutawney Phil refused to predict any of the
other results, which include Oglethorpia hosting Jeruselem, the Eagles Nest
hosting the BSE Free Bovines, and the Weegies hosting Brazillico. Critics
are predicting a worst case scenario, in which Oglethorpia, the Eagles Nest,
and Brazillico all win.

<<page four>>

Spaam

25-02-2004, 20:13

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

A Poem By Elmo

I had a friend called Audioslavia
Audioslavia was his name
We both really liked football
So we had a football game

He came around to my backyard
Cocky as can he could be
He boasted he would win
I told he we would see

We both played really roughly
He gave me a boo-boo
I kicked him in the shin
So he had a boo-boo too

He scored a goal quite early
And jumped around with glee
I said that he would lose
He told me we would see

I ran up to his goal posts
And kicked the soccer ball
The ball went right past him
So the score was now one all

I kept on tackling him
He kept on tackling me
He said that he would win
I told him we would see

The clock was running out
So I went on solo run
He didn't catch the ball
And the score was now two one

When the game had finished
Audioslavia was really glum
For the second time this year
He had lost to East Spaam!

<<page five>>

Spaam

25-02-2004, 20:22

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Spaam's Qualifying Run So Far

1. L 1-3 Spaam v Oglethorpia
2. W 3-1 Spaam @ BSE Free Bovines
3. W 1-0 Spaam v The Weegies
4. T 1-1 Spaam v Jeruselem
5. W 5-0 Spaam @ Holy India
6. W 2-1 Spaam @ Brazillico
7. W 1-0 Spaam v The Eagles Nest
8. T 1-1 Spaam @ Oglethorpia
9. W 2-0 Spaam v BSE Free Bovines
10. L 0-1 Spaam @ The Weegies
11. T 2-2 Spaam @ Jeruselem

Spaam's Players

Goalkeepers
[code:1:f1c63a4bfb]No. Name P G GA
7. Alatári Súrion 10 7 0.50
1. Fin Bólin 1 3 3.00
[/code:1:f1c63a4bfb]

Goalscorers
[code:1:f1c63a4bfb]No. Name P G GA
10. Meren Lûin 11 8 0.73
2. Nala Eromleb 10 7 0.70
13. Kru 8 3 0.38
5. Travis Dodd 4 1 0.25
[/code:1:f1c63a4bfb]

<<page six>>

Vilita

25-02-2004, 20:41

The Colony of Vilita would like to put forward it's Football Team for sanctioning by the world Football governing body :)

Spaam

25-02-2004, 20:52

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Spotlight On: Punxsutawney Phil The Psychic Waffle

http://www.aardvarkarchie.com/pictures/images/bizarre/bizarre028.jpg

Punxsutawney Phil, Spaam's most famous waffle, has decided to move
from weather forecasting, to sports prediction. After years of mundane
tasks, like telling whether the winter would last another siz weeks or not,
Phil was looking for a career change. When he heard about the sacking of
the psychics that worked for the USFA, he applied for the newly vacated
position. He got the job on the spot, owing to his impressive resumé, and
the fact that he predicted that the interviewer would die if he wasn't given
the job. Time will tell whether this career change will prove successful.

Oglethorpia Suffer Quadruple Flu

It seems that Oglethorpia is suffering from a nasty bout of the quadruple
flu, due to their recent multiple posting. The quadruple flu, among its
other side effects, sees the poster post the same thing four times in a row.
There is no known cure, but it may be prevented, if the poster refreshes
the page before reposting, to check whether the post went through or not.

Jeruselem Score 100th Goal Against Spaam

In their home match against Spaam, Jeruselem reached the dubious
honour of scoring the one hundredth qualifying goal against Spaam. Just a
matter of weeks after Spaam scored their 150th qualifying goal, Harry
Kewell kicked the 100th goal past Spaamanian goalkeeper Alatári Súrion.
Spaam's opponents have come a long way since they scored their first
goal against Spaam, which was in Spaam very first qualifying match. It
was a home game against Western Flanders, and the scorer was Toby
MacGuire against the Spaamanian keeper at the time, Finrod Fania.

<<page seven>>

Dance 2 Revolution

25-02-2004, 21:32

D2R Times

D2R Show Signs of What They Can Do

The D2R team came out despearate to prove their worth after the 0-2 defeat at home to Dennisov. This did not start well, in the 3rd minute Gary Little give away a penalty to the Anti-Nazis and was lucky to escape the red card, but the referee's decision was to stop short of the red card. Paul Handplant producing the save from the well struck penalty into the top left hand corner. In the 13th minute, Genom Maeda sprinted the length of the pitch to slide it past the goalkeeper. Counter-Attack seemed to work for D2R. In the 35th minute, a clearance by left back Terry Dark released Harold Gambol who worked past the offside trap and lobbed the off the line keeper. At half time, the Anti-Nazi tactic was to defend well, which they did not do. In the 54th minute Genom Maeda took 6 men on and rounded the goalkeeper and slotted the ball into the bottom corner. Maeda's Hat-Trick was completed after a fumble from the keeper from Mark Stream's shot in the 73rd minute was placed into the net. What was predicted as a draw or marginal win for D2R was really best described as a walk-over

Final Score: Dance 2 Revolution 4 - 0 Anti-Nazis

Oglethorpia

26-02-2004, 00:03

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Oglethorpia Suffer Quadruple Flu

It seems that Oglethorpia is suffering from a nasty bout of the quadruple
flu, due to their recent multiple posting. The quadruple flu, among its
other side effects, sees the poster post the same thing four times in a row.
There is no known cure, but it may be prevented, if the poster refreshes
the page before reposting, to check whether the post went through or not.

OOC:

You know damn well how fickle the forums are. I don't have the time to spend 30 minutes refreshing the forums just to see if one post went through or not. More time if I find out it didn't go through -- wasting all that time isn't worth it just to please one person.

And even if I do quadruple post, it's less type than you put out every matchday.

Commerce Heights

26-02-2004, 03:43

After dispensing with the small disturbance of the exploding message, Almore told the mail delivery employee to contact the person who delivered the message and inform him that §100,000 (OOC: USD 199,940) would be sufficient, though less would be acceptable if such an amount could not be obtained. He then prepared a letter, which he delivered to the local warehouse of the Network of Illicit Demons (NID), with a forwarding order to the Vice-Deputy Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38:
Though we are officially trying to fix the machine in question, we are actually waiting for the replacement to be delivered from Lemmitania - apparently it smashed a few bicycles when they tried to transport it, and they're having some difficulty. The malfunction is beyond our currently-limited knowledge of the device, but, once we receive the replacement device, we should be able to find the differences and determine how to reproduce the malfunction. Though technicians worked very hard to deactivate the device, they were initially unable to find an "off" switch. They then tried to fix it, and, when they cut off the power for safety, they realized that that was the way to turn off the device.

Again, once the replacement has been received, we will look into both reproducing the malfunction and acquiring further knowledge which could possibly allow manipulation at a finer level and insight into just what that machine is there for.
-Bellan Almore
Techincal Manager, National Stadium
Commerce Heights, NM, CH

Jeruselem

26-02-2004, 13:57

Post kicked outta the stadium.

Jeruselem

26-02-2004, 13:57

Jeruselem Government News

Saint Alan Belmore mania strikes Protestants

The Jeruselem Catholic church was totally confused when drunk Protestants dressed as their hero Alan Belmore complete with halo clogged the streets of Jerusalem. Spokesman Himi Joe shouted "Alan Alan Alan saint saint saint" while his fellow revellers danced around.

Armed forces watched the parade of Belmore soccer fans as they caused chaos with traffic in case they decided to play soccer on the streets. A Spaam journalist had to hide from the crowd after they recognised him.

26-02-2004, 14:00

football? im doing this nation states thingy for a school project but football? its a game where u make ur own nation not play foot ball go away

Spaam

26-02-2004, 14:07

football? im doing this nation states thingy for a school project but football? its a game where u make ur own nation not play foot ball go away

Yay! I get to rip a newbie apart! ~is happy~

Number one, you're a troll, and as such, you will be ignored from now on.

Number two, this "football" has been going on for close to a year now. Whereas you have been here for merely 2 weeks. And you're telling us to go away?

Number three, you know nothing.

The Lowland Clans

26-02-2004, 15:06

ASNN - Stars Debut with Thumping of Nikea, Take Group lead

GRAHAM CITY - People across the nation as the newly selected national team thouroughly destroyed Nikea, in Nikea of all places. A crowd of over a hundred thousand people showed up, as the much anticipated match between the only two real competitors for the group title in Group One.

The match opened with a fierce roar from the Nikean crowd as their home team marched onto the field. Once the game began though, the corwd was quickly silenced as the Stars totally manhandled the Nikeans on the field. Ten minutes after the start of the game, Orlando Rose chest-treapped a long ball from goalie Greg Devore, and totally faked out the man guarding him. The Nikean defence converged on Rose, who then chipped a pass over the charging defence to fullback Quentin McKeehan, who levelled it home past the keeper, who was unable to stop in the bleeding fast shot.

Nikean morale fell fast as the Stars scored again half an hour into the first half, as Mark Jeremy received a pass after the fullbacks and midfielders had been pressuring for a good ten minutes, and then powered it home, with an incredible curve on the shot, putting it right in front of the keepers face, only to have it whiz past it as he grabbed for it.

The Stars pressured until half time, and when they emerged, they looked ready to take on the world. Lester Preston played it up the line to halfback Kassen Illius, who played a nice cross which curved around a stumbling defender to Kellen Asten, who played it in off the post to seal the throttling of the former group leaders, Nikea.

TLC Stars 3 - 0 Nikea
McKeehan (11)
Jeremy (29)
Asten (67)

Halfassedstates

26-02-2004, 15:35

Halfassed Vs Redavic
Match 12 kick-off delayed.

It has just been announced by the HFA that the kick-off for this evenings match against the Redavic Union as been delayed by 2 hours. All ticket holders are advised that the stadium will now be opening at 6.30pm local time (this was the previously schedulded kick-off time)

The reason given is the delay to the arrival of the opposition team. The Redavic side had been due to arrive at Whogivesa Airport on Monday evening, but their plane was delayed in Rejistania when the whole of our fellow FIFA regions citizens celebrated their qualification to the finals. The back-log of flights this created meant that the Redavic side landed at midnight last night and didn't get to their hotel until the small hours.

Despite the close competition for places in group 5, HFA chairman Peter Parks agreed to the oppositions request to delay the kick-off so they could acclimitise to the conditions and have a light training session this afternoon.

It is also thought that coach Jarvis Smith was happy with the delay, as it gave him the chance to gain some more info on the opposition.

Total n Utter Insanity

26-02-2004, 16:06

Belless scores double hat trick!
3 goals disallowed for offside.

Wunderkind Belless scored 6 goals in what has to be the best match ever...EVER! The corrupt ref disallowed 3 of them though, as he was very corrupt. It ended Newcuba 1 Total n Utter Insanity 3

Bedistan

26-02-2004, 16:36

The Columbia Times

Santwa Comes to Bedistan!
Actually, we went there, but you get the idea

SANTWA -- As an unprecedented April snow fell on northern Bedistan, the national football team was playing in quite a bit more of it in the faraway unknown land of Santwa.

It was expected that the Santwan side would be significantly more experienced at playing with two-and-a-half feet of snow on the ground, but that advantage was apparently worthless. Somehow, though, the home side did successfully stave off all Bedistani attacks in the first half, considering the short-sleeved Lions were freezing their (censored -ed.) off.

At halftime, manager Johnny Lewis gave the team several rounds of hot chocolate to both warm them and energize them, and it certainly paid off. Darren Morlock, fresh from his one-match suspension, slammed in the first goal about ten minutes after the break. Shortly afterward, Javier Lewey was tripped in the box and the Lions received a penalty kick. Lewey had to retreat to the sidelines briefly while the physio checked up on him, so central defender Karina Kucharski came forward to take the penalty kick. Her aim was true, and it put Bedistan up 2-0. After returning to the pitch, Lewey would complete the game with a header to the top left corner of the Santwan net.

The Bedistan Lions currently have a very good 8-1-2 record after eleven matches. Rejistania is the first nation from Group 10 to secure a qualifying spot, and only the second overall (behind Kingsford). Bedistan, however, at only two points behind Rejistania, has all but secured their own spot as well. A win over Kerla in the next match would lock it. A draw with Kerla coupled with a Sliponian win would still keep Sliponia in the contest, albeit just barely, and if Sliponia should fail to win, the Lions would qualify. In the event that Kerla defeats Bedistan, a Sliponian win would keep them very much alive, while if Sliponia were to not win, either Kerla or Sliponia could theoretically (though unlikely) pass Bedistan.

[code:1:6738f1bdde]Final score:
Santwa 0
Bedistan 3 (Morlock 54, Kucharski pen 58, Lewey 68)[/code:1:6738f1bdde]

Snub Nose 38

26-02-2004, 17:02

The Colony of Vilita would like to put forward it's Football Team for sanctioning by the world Football governing body :)
Vilita: Go to this thread, and register for the next Cup
World Cup 13 Registration (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=121740&start=160)
:wink:

One Red Dot

26-02-2004, 17:10

OVERHEARD FROM THE CHANNEL 7 NEWS IN A ELECTRONICS STORE

Wolves get another win........... 4-0....... on Matchday 11....... spectacular show of skill.............. an unbalanced match................. another win will cost Praying2God's chance........... Patinhas may be out too............ top 3 may just stay............... and now for the weather.............. clear conditions but unsettled in the evening.............

OOC: sorry, i had no time, KP, i'm sure you understand.

Eauz

26-02-2004, 19:59

No Fans at home?

The Day 12 match, is being played at home in Zuka, and at the moment, there has only been about 100 people watching the game. When asking fans why, many said,

"Valient is so far out of the league, and anyways, the last time we played them, we wooped them 4 - 0."

Others said... "Oh, Eauz is a shitty team, and Valient is too, why would we want to see two shitty teams play?"

More, after the game...

Tanah Burung

26-02-2004, 20:31

WEEKLY CROCODILE

Tanah Burung's favourite sports newspaper has been able to wangle enough newsprint to print an issue. But not a very long issue. Most of the paper in the country is being used up by the various candidates in this month's bitterly-contested elections for foreign minister. But we'll soldier on.

Too bad the same can't be said for the Dessicated Clones. This experiment looked to be going well as the Clones moved to the top of their qyualifying group. But the past three matches have dumped them into third, out of the automoatic qualifying spots. A loss to Halfassedstates was followed by a draw against SterlingIce and another loss against group leaders Svecia.

The problem, we think, lies with one Clone in particular. Sultan Agung, a Clone created using genetic material from the left-over remains of the legendary eighteenth-century conqueror, has not lived up to his billing. He may have scored thousands of goals in his day, but this newspaper is beginninf to suspect that was less becuase of his skills, than the result of the fact that anyone who prevented him from scoring could expect a quick execution.

Take the SterlingIce match. With a perfectly-placed pass by oreadest, Sultan Agung could have easily scored the game-winner. Instead, he shouted "infidel!" then drew his scimitar and took a run at the goal keeper. Result: red card, and the loss of a possible three points. Sure, the folks up in Burung Paradis may not like it, but we think it's time this sad excuse for a footballer was benched for good. And preferably stuck back in the mausoleum with his namesake.

Against the top teams in this group, Tanah Burung has only managed one of a possible six points, an ealry draw against Halfassedstates. Svecia in particular has had theur number, winning the home-and-away series by a cumulative 7-0 score. In the cold Svecian climate, Clone anti-dessication ointment froze, but it was the speed and skill of the Svecians that won the day. Tanah Burung now faces a three-match closing streak in which it must rack up the points againsdt the lower-ranked sides: NEWI Cefn Druids, True Yorkshire and The Redavic Union.

We can only hope that the recent discovery that Brazillico lies on our northern border will inspire the players to greatness. If it doesn't, then motivational genius Steve Ribeiro can expect a call.

Tanah Burung

26-02-2004, 20:33

Tanah Burung

26-02-2004, 20:44

THE CHURCH TIMES

One of this country's proudest achievements was to go from 90% illiteracy in the colonial days, to the entire population being able to read and write.

It turns out, that isn't true. In the remote backwoods village of Tidaktahu, one tribe refuses to accept the gift of literacy. Books are banned. So are pens, typewriters, and most abhorrent of all, the computer.

Our intrepid reporter voyaged to this village to discover their religion. Because in this country, it must be a cult of some sort.

We asked village headman Ivan Treed why the villagers refuse to read. "Book-larnin' ain't for us," he said. "Addles the -- what does y'all call the top bit of the head?"

The brain, our reporter explained.

But these people are not ignorant of the world. Far from it. In fact, they look abroad for their faith.

"We'z Belmorian Cathohicks," the headman said before spitting out a wad of tobacky that barely missed this reporter's expensive Italian loafers. "That there Saint Alan Belmore, he's a mighty powerful one. We shore do wish he could come and visit us here in this -- what does y'all call a collection of huts all pushed up agin one another?"

A village, our reporter told him patiently.

Ivan Treed wants to write a letter to the Saint to invite him to come see Tidaktahu, but his religion forbids him to take up "the devil's typewriter." So he sends thnis plea through the Church Times:

"Saint Alan, won't y'all come see us, it's be awful swell, like."

Tanah Burung

26-02-2004, 20:45

illiteracy causes double posts.

26-02-2004, 20:57

GMM Sportnation TV
Hello and welcome to the number 1 sports channel in GMM. Hi I'm Karl as you all know WC12 qualifiers are going on at the moment and GMM are doing ok. We started off preety good but fell in the middle of the competition but after todays 5-1 win we are ever hopeful for the future. So come on you Marcians. Now I'll send you to Greg to go over the highlights. Greg are you there...

Yes karl I'm here and what a win it was today with Ollie Durmenburg a right mid scoring in the first 5 minutes and It just got better from there. jo Lemin scored two brilliant goals one from a free and one with a header from a corner. Then in the second half good old Freddy scored an amazing goal with a strike from the half way line, that will surly go down in the record books. Then the scored after a silly mistake form Robbie Vete but a score in the final minutes from Denis Oileey leaving the score 5-1. back to karl...

i brilliant match and hopefully a sign of whats yet to come. but untill next time COME ON GMM!

Kaze Progressa

26-02-2004, 21:26

ORD: I liked the way you worked around your lack of time :D

Spaam/Ogle: So long as 'quadruple flu' insults are IC, they're fabulous.

TnUI: :lol: :lol: *repeat to LD proportions*

The Eagles Nest

27-02-2004, 01:30

Strike Birds Fans in the Dark

Solar Flare knocks out TV and radio reception

A class 9 solar flare hit above the region of the Silver Marches today, temporarily scrambling all satellite and radio reception. The populous is in a complete nervous paranoia about the outcome of the game between The Birds and BSE Free Bovines.

As soon as we can get a reporter to get back from The Pasture, we shall do a full report.

Spaam

27-02-2004, 01:38

OOC: Its been over 51 hours since the last matchday....

Oglethorpia

27-02-2004, 01:39

Spaam/Ogle: So long as 'quadruple flu' insults are IC, they're fabulous.

A reply to it in IC would have been too roundabout and wouldn't be very to-the-point.

Spaam

27-02-2004, 01:42

Spaam/Ogle: So long as 'quadruple flu' insults are IC, they're fabulous.

A reply to it in IC would have been too roundabout and wouldn't be very to-the-point.

For goodness sakes.... I was trying to be helpful, not criticise. There's no reason to get all snarky.

At this rate, I'm tempted to just pack it in, with the negative reponse my rping is getting.

NEWI Cefn Druids

27-02-2004, 04:22

At this rate, I'm tempted to just pack it in, with the negative reponse my rping is getting.

OOC: As the one who started this negative reaction (in this thread, at least), I would like to explain myself.

After the first big edition of USSW, I did the first 'verbal diarrhoea' RP in what was meant to be a light hearted manner. After the second edition, I tried (and failed, miserably) to put an end to the whole 'verbal diarrhoea' thing, saying that even though you were posting a lot, it wasn't just drivel but was actually highly amusing IMHO. However, people seemed keen to follow it up, something I couldn't really help them doing. If they actually took time to read your RPs, instead of just going, "Oh no, here comes another one of Spaam's massive pieces" and flicking over it, they might just find themselves with a smile on their face. Or is that just me?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the point I was trying to make was don't pack it in, just because of a few ignorant bastards like me. Anyway, I'm sure we're just joking most of the time (exept if it's TBF :wink: ), just like you often do about so many of us.

Here ends the Druid plea, as we need to prepare ourselves. I mean, after a post like that, there's no doubt about who's gonna be next on the Spaam list of pisstakes. (That'll be me, then)

Spaam

27-02-2004, 05:08

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Spaam In Trouble At Home

At half time in Spaam's match against perennial losers Holy India, the
match is still nil all. There will be a full writeup in the afternoon edition.

NEWI Cefn Druids Find Pisstake Vaccine

There are reports that scientists in NEWI Cefn Druids have found a vaccine
which makes them immune to Spaamanian Pisstakes (spaamanius
pisstakius). Rumours that is has something to do with being nice to Spaam
are unconfirmed.

<<page zero>>

Giant Zucchini

27-02-2004, 05:18

The Green Mile:
Episode 12: AutoDave! Meaning This RP Probably Won’t Make Any Sense!

Recently in Squornshelous (motto: "We can’t play football for nuts! Or bolts!"), residents reported an outbreak of Giant Zucchinis. Perhaps you think there are no Giant Zucchinis in Squornshelous. Perhaps you are an idiot.
As the French say, au contraire (literally: "Ha Ha Ha!!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Urk, whose name can be rearranged to spell "UKR", although that is not my main point. "Urk", by the way, only has the letters "k" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Giant Zucchini captain Urk (formally "Urk" and informally "Urk"), Giant Zucchinis ranks as a major crisis just behind Urk, Kerrnigit and Oog (insert your "Yew Sei Biu" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Squornshelan government employees:

FIRST SQUORNSHELAN EMPLOYEE: "I quit this darned job..."

SECOND SQUORNSHELAN EMPLOYEE: "Have you gone mad?"

FIRST SQUORNSHELAN EMPLOYEE: "Are you insane?"

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Urk, and that is: wreck George Steinbrenner's footballing career.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's footballing career, although it might involve scoring an absurd double-curler against Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "play", and de grace, meaning "football". The procedure (you may want to write this down):

Turn them into gigantic stadia
Get a plumber

But instead the Squornshelan city council (motto: "We'll fund huge national football leagues when you pry the football out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the Giant Zucchinis) will struck twice to secure the win soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "Don't mess with zucchinis twice your height...".
Speaking of which, "The Squornshelan Giant Zucchinis Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English

(P.S.: I need inspiration...or I'll keep churning out crap like this...)

The Eagles Nest

27-02-2004, 05:38

Birds Only Manage Tie

Brazillico still in hunt for third spot

The Birds wasted a chance to all but secure at least a bid to a transfer round appearance but came up a goal short with a 1-1 tie with BSE Free Bovines. After matchday 12, the race has tightened, with no team guaranteed qualification, but Oglethorpia did guarantee at least third place in the round.

At The Pasture today, the Birds came out gunning for a win. They knew with matches with Oglethorpia and Spaam on the horizon, that a win here was critical to their qualification drive. The offense was firing on all cylinders as all the strikers got shots on goals, but BSE keeper Devon was able to keep all the shots from the back side of the net. After a 30 minute constant barrage, the Birds finally got one through. Striker Josh Adams put one home as a rebound came off of Devon right to Adams. The game went to half 1-0.

Horace was in full health as he roamed the sidelines. Apparently, there was some new steak guards put up around the field to prevent any reoccurance of the infamous steak throwing incident. Brazillico's score posted during the half, and the Birds fans knew that there was no guarantee that they would be at least third place. The score had to hold to secure that.

However, that was not the case for the Birds. 28 minutes into the second half, karma again struck the birds as keeper Nathan Adams tipped a ball away, bounced off of a BSE striker's leg, and rolled off the left post into the net. The BSE defense, now could play spoiler and shut down the box. The score ended tied at 1.

Keeper N. Adams on the equalizer.

"Bloddy 'ell. I've never seen such a string of bounces. If it wasn't for that, we'd be celebrating a guaranteed third. Now, we got to get a few points to clinch it...or hope Spaam can force Brazillcio to tie..or win. But if Spaam wins, we have to get 2 wins to jump them. Bloody luck."

Striker J. Adams on the offense.

"We didn't do much anything different. Maybe that is why the Bovine defense could shut us down."

Coach Aefnen on their chances.

"We needed that win. We've made this a much harder road for us to qualify. We'll leave it to you all to give the scenarios."

Tomorrow's game at Oglethorpia tips at 3:30 and will be played simultaneous with the Spaam-Brazillico game. No scores will be posted until all games are done.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J.Adams 32:44 (11)

BSE Free Bovines
Zebu 73:12

Yellow Cards
None

Matchday 12 Recap

Oglethorpia, Spaam, and Brazillico all posted wins today which put the Nest in a tight spot. Tomorrow's game against Oglethorpia will be very crucial to the whole group.

GROUP 11
Oglethorpia 3 Jeruselem 0
BSE Free Bovines 1 The Eagles Nest 1
The Weegies 0 Brazillico 2
Spaam 1 Holy India 0

Group 11 Mini Analysis
With the elimination of The Weegies, BSE Free Bovines, Jeruselem, and gutter dweller Holy India, the group comes down to 4 matches. So let's run scenarios shall we:

Oglethorpia wins or ties and Spaam wins:
Oglethorpia and Spaam qualify, Eagle's Nest to transfer round.

Oglethorpia and Brazillico wins:
Ogle qualifies, matches on game 14 decides who gets second and third.

Eagle's Nest Wins and Spaam Wins or ties
Brazillico is elminated, order of finish for top three unknown

Confusing? Oh yeah. try this one.
Eagle's Nest and Brazillico wins:
Eagle's nest guaranteed a transfer spot, Spaam could still be eliminated on third place tie, depenmding on goal differential IF they don't win or tie Eagle's Nest the next day.

So for simplicity, I'd actually prefer to see Spaam tie and the Eagle's Nest win. If that happened, then the two teams would be tied for second...and the winner of the Spaam-Nest game would take second. If they tied, then we go to goal differential, which both teams are currently +10

Group 11 Standings
[code:1:0fa6283274]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia* 12 8 2 2 25 11 14 26 32
2 Spaam 12 7 2 3 20 10 10 24 30
3 The Eagles Nest 12 6 4 2 18 8 10 22 28
4 Brazillico 12 5 3 4 19 12 7 18 24
E The Weegies 12 4 2 6 15 17 -2 14 20
E BSE Free Bovines 12 4 2 6 13 16 -3 14 20
E Jeruselem 12 2 6 4 13 24 -11 12 18
E Holy India 12 1 0 10 4 27 -23 3 12

*=can finish no worst than 3rd.
[/code:1:0fa6283274]

Eagle's Nest Qualifying Results
Eagle's Nest @ Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest vs. Holy India Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Jeruselem Tie 2-2
Eagle's Nest @ The Weegies Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest vs. BSE Free Bovines Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Oglethorpia Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Spaam Loss 0-1

Eagle's Nest vs. Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Holy India Win 4-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Jeruselem Loss 0-1
Eagle's Nest vs. The Weegies Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ BSE Free Bovines Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Oglethorpia
Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam

Liverpool England

27-02-2004, 06:28

The World Cup Update has taken a break for MD 12 and will have no publication for the match which ended The Belmore Family 1 Liverpool England 1

Oglethorpia

27-02-2004, 06:43

The Bureaucratic Tribune
The Bureaucratic States' most readily available publication.

Matchday 12 win puts Wonderteam in good position
Coach Guy Picciotto confident that match 12 win has put Oglethorpia in a comfortable position to qualify

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Oglethorpia's match vs. Jeruselem was poised to setup the Wonderteam's final qualifying run with two matches left, the top three spots of group 11 holding the possibility of a great amount of jostling as World Cup 12 qualifying winds down. Luckily, Oglethorpia's preformance against a visiting Jeruselem side would set the Wonderteam up well going into matchdays 13 and 14 with plenty of momentum and spirit to secure a win and a place in the World Cup proper.

Jeruselem fielded a competent defense for a good portion of the opening of the matchday 12 face off, but a shots-happy Wonderteam would get things rolling in the 14th minute. 36-year old forward Kirk Calhoun, playing what may very well be his last Cup, was setup by an alert team captain and midfielder Fernando Green -- playing a perfect ball into center field, all Calhoun had to do was beat the Jeruselem keeper. Beat him he did with a shot into the upper right corner of the net, putting Oglethorpia up 1-nil in the 14th minute.

Harry Kewell himself, Jeruselem team captain nearly put one past substitute goal keeper Murray White -- the goalie showed magnificent skill reminiscent of Wonderteam-prodigy Yamamoto-san when the keeper barely knocked the scorching shot above the crossbar. A fine defense fielded by a big-headed Oglethorpian side ensured that no set play would put an equalizer in the Wonderteam goal.

Not even 10 minutes later, center forward Kirk Calhoun would strike yet again -- tackling a Jeruselem keeper on a long ball played down field by Floyd Black, Calhoun would put yet another by the keeper into the left corner of the goal.

Most of the match took place in the midfield, save for the few Oglethorpian breakthroughs that lead to goals -- during the next 10 minutes, Oglethorpia would have two more chances on goal, both foiled by an athletic Jeruselem keeper, desperate to keep any more goals out.

However, Fernando Green, coming up midfield would put one more in to put the nail in the coffin, so to speak -- a quick pass to Torrence Black was passed back to Green, whom put it right around the keeper upon re-possession of the ball.

From here, the match provided a few chances for each side in the remainder of the first half and the whole of the second -- but neither would add or detract from a Wonderteam lead of 3-nil, eventually becoming the final scoreline with the coming of full time.

"I think we're good to go," said stand in keeper Murray White. "We've got a great GD, and if we just collect a draw or two, we should be good to go into the Cup proper."

All Oglethorpia really has to do is draw it's last few matches to hold onto one of the two automatic qualification spots -- entering into the third place tournament would be a great disappointment, but coach Picciotto has no intention to let that happen.

"I'll whip them into shape. Even if I have to do it myself," chuckled the aging coach of 54.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Industries Inc.)

Oglethorpia - (K. Calhoun 14th, 25th, F. Green 34th)
Jeruselem - 0

27-02-2004, 08:22

TIMWAY ALMOST THROUGH

Timway's national team today nearly secured a qualification with a narrow 1-0 victory. The team plays two group bottomfeeders in the last two games. Defari, in second place in group 3, plays the top two ranked teams in the group in its final two games, which makes it likely that Timway will overtake Defari and claim the second qualification spot. For those unaware of the standings, Timway is currently one point behind Defari and in third place. Stalag 5 sits five points behind Timway, and Timway can secure advancement into the third place pool as long as they secure at least one point in their next two games, which again are against two group bottomfeeders.

Spaam

27-02-2004, 09:59

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Holy India Tea Bag Invasion Scare Spaam

Punxsutawney Phil, the Psychic Waffle, unwittingly predicted the horror
that occurred tonight. In the preview for this match, Punxsutawney Phil
said Seeing as Spaam defeated Holy India away in a five goal shutout,
the only thing they will have to fear is a possible tea bag attack.
The match, held in the coastal town of Drakken City, was predicited to be
a whitewash of the team that had already won the wooden spoon in Group
11. However, noone, except apparently Punxsutawney Phil, could've
predicted what newspapers are now dubbing T-Day.

Backed by a football mad crowd, almost all Spaamanians, the match
started with Melá Sëhelin's team dominating from the whistle. The pwerful
foot of Spaamanian number five forward midfielder Travis Dodd almost
landed Spaam their fastest goal ever, when he made the shot in the 7th
second of the match. The ball was unfortunately deflected off the top
crossbar, but it was just the beginning of what was looking like the start of
a Spaamanian goal-fest.

First blood was drawn in the 6th minute, when number 13 striker Kru
forced a Holy Indian defender to give away a corner shot. Dodd quickly
took the shot, which found the head of star striker Meren Lûin, who neatly
deflected it into goal. However, that was to turn out to be the only goal the
Spaamanians would score that night, as just one kilometre away, events
were unfolding that would be permanently etched into Spaam's history.

It was a hot summer night, and clouds obscured the moon, meaning the
beach was lit only by the few streetlights at the back. There were only a
couple of Spaamanians on the beach, and it wasn't until it was too late that
they realised what was happening. The roar of the boats was only heard
over the crashing waves, when they reached the beach. Thousands of tea
bag soldiers emerged, storming the beach, causing the few beachgoers to
scatter. One brave soul manged to take this photo before being brewed.

http://drake.5p.org.uk/teabag.jpg

The tea bags marched through the old coastal sector of Drakken City,
before converging on the football stadium. Any Spaamanian that was
caught in their rampage was either brewed or leaved, a terrible way to go.
They broke through the security and started to fill the stands, where the
fighting erupted. This was one day when the hooligans were praised,
preventing the tea bags from storming the pitch, so the game could
continue.

Over a hundred thousand football fans and a hundred thousand teabags
fought that night in the stands of the Drakken City Football Stadium. And
yet the game went on. Of course, both teams were scared to leave their
halves of the field, the Spaamanians keeping away from the Holy Indians,
and the Holy Indians from the hooligans that threatened to storm the pitch
if they dared move from their small circle in the middle of their half. Half
time came and half time went, Spaam over Holy India one goal to nil.

At half time, the teams cautiously went to the other ends of the field,
making sure that they kept as far away from each other as possible. One
Holy Indian, who happened to have the ball at that stage, tried to move
down the field, but he was quickly dispatched by a broken glass bottle, and
thusly replaced. The fighting dwindled as tea bags and hooligans alike
were brewed, leaved, or lain unconscious. Eventually, the ninety minutes
were up, and the referees, still cowering on the half way line, called time.

The tea bags were eventually defeated, both on the field and in the stands.
History will record, that on T-Day, Spaam won over Holy India, one goal to
nil.

Spaam 1
(Lûin 6)
Holy India 0

<<page one>>

Spaam

27-02-2004, 10:26

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

How The Tea Bags Were Eventually Defeated

Of course, a hundred thousand holligans could not dispatch with the same
number of tea bags in just over an hour. Luckily, nature was on their side.
The clouds on that hot summer's night finally burst just after the match
was finished, sending a torrent of warm rain onto the teabags. It was not
a pretty sight.

Spaam's Lineup Against Holy India

Coach Melá Sëhelin's team was similar as the one that faced Jeruselem
in the previous round. For all those that are interested, here it is (keeping
the tradition that the lineups are published with the match reports).

[code:1:b51f2f9649]SPAAM

F Lûin [10]
F Eromleb [2] Kru [13]

MF Dodd [5]
M Súrion [8] Maradon [15]
MD Pantel [14]

D Bók [4] Maldini [16]
D Súrion [9]

G Súrion [7]
[/code:1:b51f2f9649]

Here is the Holy Indian lineup, for those interested in the scum bags. (Hehe.)

[code:1:b51f2f9649]HOLY INDIA

F Earl Grey [10]
F Darjeeling [2] Se Chung [11]

MF Green [5]
M Chamomile [8] Green Genmaicha [1]
MD Peppermint [6]

D Kenilworth [4] Pai Mu Tan [3]
D Keemun [9]

G English Breakfast [7]
[/code:1:b51f2f9649]

Spaamanian Tea Industry Booms

The Tea Union of Spaam and the Heartland (TUSH) has posted a fourth
quarter profit of 200 billion eurowots, an increase of 500%. Noone knows
why.

<<page two>>

Spaam

27-02-2004, 10:39

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Matchday Twelve Review

Punxsutawney Phil had it spot on, and the critics were almost right, as
round 12 of World Cup qualifying produced few suprises (not counting
T-Day). Oglethorpia hosted Jeruselem, who suffered a three goal shutout
to the Wonderteam. Brazillico kept their slim qualification hopes alive,
going to the Weegies and ruining their show, coming away 2 nil away
winners. And in the final match, the BSE Free Bovines held on at home, to
force the Eagles Nest to a one all draw.

With that win, Oglethorpia has all but qualified for the World Cup, making
sure that they will finish at least third in the group. They are two points
ahead of Spaam, who jumped back into second place, thanks to the Eagles
Nest draw, and are now sitting on 24 points. The Eagles Nest are 2 points
behind, and have a lead of 4 points over Brazillico, who, on 18 points, can
finish no higher than third position. The Weegies and the BSE Free
Bovines are 5th and 6th on 14 points, and are now eliminated, Jeruselem
is two pointe behind in 7th, while Holy India consolidates their Wooden
Spoon award.

[code:1:56be83aaf9]
GROUP 11 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia 12 8 2 2 25 11 +14 26 #
Spaam 12 7 3 2 20 10 +10 24
The Eagles Nest 12 6 4 2 18 8 +10 22
Brazillico 12 5 3 4 19 12 +7 18 @
The Weegies 12 4 2 6 15 17 -2 14 Eliminated
BSE Free Bovines 12 4 2 6 13 16 -3 14 Eliminated
Jeruselem 12 2 6 4 13 24 -11 12 Eliminated
Holy India 12 1 0 11 5 30 -25 3 Wooden Spoon

# Will finish at least third
@ Can finish no higher than third
[/code:1:56be83aaf9]

Spaam's Qualifying Run So Far

1. L 1-3 Spaam v Oglethorpia
2. W 3-1 Spaam @ BSE Free Bovines
3. W 1-0 Spaam v The Weegies
4. T 1-1 Spaam v Jeruselem
5. W 5-0 Spaam @ Holy India
6. W 2-1 Spaam @ Brazillico
7. W 1-0 Spaam v The Eagles Nest
8. T 1-1 Spaam @ Oglethorpia
9. W 2-0 Spaam v BSE Free Bovines
10. L 0-1 Spaam @ The Weegies
11. T 2-2 Spaam @ Jeruselem
12. W 1-0 Spaam v Holy India

Spaam's Players

Goalkeepers
[code:1:56be83aaf9]No. Name P G GA
7. Alatári Súrion 11 7 0.64
1. Fin Bólin 1 3 3.00
[/code:1:56be83aaf9]

Goalscorers
[code:1:56be83aaf9]No. Name P G GA
10. Meren Lûin 12 9 0.75
2. Nala Eromleb 11 7 0.64
13. Kru 9 3 0.33
5. Travis Dodd 5 1 0.20
[/code:1:56be83aaf9]

<<page three>>

Rejistania

27-02-2004, 11:34

The Orange-Blue have lost for the first time in this world cup qualification. Especially goalie Nana Daki felt resposible for 0-2 loss in Avening Altos. After the match, he kept quiet and when he arrived in Najajara, he called his family that he won't come home - they would know the reason. He decided to take a walk through the city, he knew that no one would talk to him then and this is what he needed. He walked past the temple of Jarevajil, normally he stopped to pray here for a while after the match. Now he knew that he was the only one responsible for the failure. 'Slani', he thought 'if I had parried this slani penalty in the 17th minute, the match would have ended totally different.' No one was on the street because midnight was near and he kept on walking, slowly and with every step the same reproachfull thought tortured his mind: 'you are responsible for this loss!' Suddently, he heard fast steps approaching, he didn't care about them and kept on walking without looking back. Suddently, the person, with a deep and somehow dark-sounding voice shouted: "Stop! Hands up!". Without thinking, Nana stopped raised his hands. The person came near him. His face was covered by a mask and he wore dark clothes. Nana Daki felt panic. The person used a blindfold to cover Nana's eyes and grabbed his hand so he had to follow him. Nana had no idea where the person took him or even how long the walk was. sometimes he had to walk stairs and once he thought that they crossed the Tury-River, because he heard the sound of water. For some reason one sentence came into his memory: 'Crime is totally unknown.' After an indefinate amount of time, he heard that they went into a house. Suddently the person took Nana's blindfold off. He was blinded by the bright light, but he heard several voices shout something, they shouted: "Surprise!"Slowly he could see where he was: He was at home, the whole family was in the room, which was decorated. His mother Sanje caied a cake with 22 candles and the writing on it: 'No matter if win or lose, you're our number 1!' and his brother Etu just took off his mask. Everyone shouted "Happy birthday Nana!" At this time he slowly realised that because of all this slani about the match, he forgot his own birthday.

Spaam

27-02-2004, 12:18

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Group Eleven - The Final Two Matchdays

Here is what everyone has been waiting for.... who's in, and who's out.

First the easy stuff. The Weegies, Jeruselem, and the BSE Free Bovines
are eliminated, while Holy India have already won the wooden spoon. We
don't need to worry about these teams anymore, as they will only be
playing themselves in the final two matchdays.

Here are the next two matchdays for the top four teams:

Matchday 13
Spaam vs Brazillico
Oglethorpia vs The Eagles Nest

Matchday 14
Brazillico vs Oglethorpia
The Eagles Nest vs Spaam

If Spaam wins and Oglethorpia wins or draws, they both automatically
qualify.

If Spaam wins and Oglethorpia loses, then it will go down to Matchday 14.
If Spaam wins again, they both qualify. If Spaam draws, Spaam will
qualify, and Oglethorpia and the Eagles Nest will finish tied for second. If
Spaam loses and Oglethorpia wins, Oglethorpia and the Eagles Nest will
both qualify. If Spaam loses and Oglethorpia draws, then the Eagles Nest
will qualify, and Spaam and Oglethorpia will finish tied for second. If they
both lose, Spaam and the Eagles Nest will qualify.

If Spaam draws and Oglethorpia wins, then Oglethorpia will automatically
qualify, and the rest will go down to Matchday 14. If Spaam wins or
draws, Spaam will qualify. If Spaam loses, Spaam and the Eagles Nest will
finish tied for second.

If Spaam and Oglethorpia both draw, or Spaam loses and Oglethorpia
wins or draws, Oglethorpia will automatically qualify, and the rest will go
down to Matchday 14. If Spaam wins or draws, Spaam will qualify. If
Spaam loses, the Eagles Nest will qualify.

If Spaam draws and Oglethopia loses, then it will go down to Matchday 14.
If Spaam wins, Spaam and Oglethorpia will both qualify. If Spaam draws
again and Oglethorpia wins or draws, then Oglethorpia will qualify and
Spaam and the Eagles Nest will be tied for second. If Spaam draws again
and Oglethorpia loses, there will be a three-way tie for first. If Spaam
loses, Oglethorpia and the Eagles Nest will qualify.

If Spaam and Oglethorpia both lose, the Oglethorpia will automatically
qualify, and the rest will go down to Matchday 14. If Spaam wins, Spaam
will qualify. If Spaam draws or loses, the Eagles Nest will qualify.

Finally, Brazillico will finish tied for third with the Eagles Nest ONLY if they
draw their game against Spaam and the Eagles Nest lose both their
games, or if they win their game against Spaam and the Eagles Nest draws
both their games. Brazillico will finish outright third if they win their game
against Spaam, and The Eagles Nest draws one game and loses the other.

So, what about Spaam?

If Spaam win their game against Brazillico, then they will qualify unless the
Eagles Nest wins both their games, and Oglethorpia win their game against
Brazillico, or tie it and have a better goal difference than Spaam.

If Spaam draw their game against Brazillico, then they will qualify unless
Spaam loses their game against the Eagles Nest and the Eagles Nest have
a better goal difference if they lose their game against Oglethorpia, or if
they draw against the Eagles Nest, and they have a better goal difference
if they win their game against Oglethorpia.

If Spaam loses their game against Brazillico, then they will only qualify if
they win their game against the Eagles Nest, or if they tie it and
Oglethorpia either wins their game against the Eagles Nest, or draws it so
long as Spaam has a better goal difference than the Eagles Nest.

Got that?

Now for the prediction....

Going from Spaam's World Cup qualification performance up to now,
Spaam should have 7 wins, 4 draws, and 3 losses. This means Spaam will
be losing one game and drawing the other. Chances are, Spaam will draw
at home, and lose away. This means that Spaam will be hoping that
Oglethorpia wins their game against the Eagles Nest, so that they will finish
tied with them. Otherwise, Spaam will finish third. If Spaam lose their
home match, and draw away, the situation is even better, as they will
qualify as long as Oglethorpia don't lose their match again the Eagles Nest.

If Spaam is so unlucky to lose both their matches, then they are out.

<<page four>>

Jeruselem

27-02-2004, 14:20

Jeruselem Government News

Oglethorpia score important win, Group 11 rivals on notice

Oglethorpia scored an important 3-0 win over the already eliminated Jeruselem in Group 11. Most leading teams managed wins except The Eagles Nest who stumbled with a draw against the Bovines while Spaam struggled to overcome Holy India 1-0.

While putting up a competent performance, Oglethorpia the "Wonderteam" was not really troubled despite a captain's performance by Harry Kewell. David Becks did not play due to injury and defender Rabbi Shalom returned from his other duties.

The Wonderteam simply looked unstoppable in the 1st half scoring three goals, but Jeruselem stopped their scoring spree in the 2nd half.

With two more games left, all leading teams need to keep up their form but Oglethorpia have secured at least 3rd after this win.

(Stuff copied from other news posts)

Oglethorpia - (K. Calhoun 14th, 25th, F. Green 34th)
Jeruselem - 0

Other games
BSE Free Bovines 1 The Eagles Nest 1
The Weegies 0 Brazillico 2
Spaam 1 Holy India 0

[code:1:aa381ee0b2]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Oglethorpia* 12 8 2 2 25 11 14 26 32
2 Spaam 12 7 2 3 20 10 10 24 30
3 The Eagles Nest 12 6 4 2 18 8 10 22 28
4 Brazillico 12 5 3 4 19 12 7 18 24
E The Weegies 12 4 2 6 15 17 -2 14 20
E BSE Free Bovines 12 4 2 6 13 16 -3 14 20
E Jeruselem 12 2 6 4 13 24 -11 12 18
E Holy India 12 1 0 10 4 27 -23 3 12
[/code:1:aa381ee0b2]

Brazillico

27-02-2004, 14:26

The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Stays Alive

Like that clutch P in Wheel of Fortune, Brazillico came up with a huge pressure win last night against The Weegies. Brazillico was unphased by the 58,000+ Weegies supporters, putting up one of their finest efforts in qualifying.

Both teams came out guns-a-blazing and The Weegies got the first quality chance of the game. Peter Ogilvie placed a good cross in the box in the 11th Minute to Phil McCann who met it with his head, pushing it towards the far post. However, reserve goalkeeper Robinho, starting in place of Salazar who was a bit shaken from his near-death experience, made a sensational diving save, tipping the ball over the bar. The Weegies corner was cleared with ease by the Brazillican defense.

The rest of the half was about as dull as an episode of SportTime, with both teams recieving sporadic chances, but neither side being able to put any of those in the back of the net.

The second half was a completely different affair, with Brazillico controlling the pace of play since the moment the ball was dropped. In the 53rd, Junior Socrates unleashed a good shot from outside the box which Weegies' goaltender Tony Britton did very well to keep out of the net. Alex Cannon, looking for his tenth of the campaign, had a glorious chance in front of net when the rebound came bouncing right towards him. However, the ball took a short hop due to The Weegies' poorly manicured pitch, causing him to take out the nine-iron and put it over the crossbar.

However, Brazillico would not be denied from the scoresheet for long, as a long ball by Maracana in the 58th was met by a header from a streaking Trevors. Britton badly misplayed the ball and watched helplessly as the scoreline changed to 1-0 Brazillico.

The Weegies pressed hard for the equalizer, but the Brazillican defense which had been so shaky the entire tournament held their ground. They got no promising oppurtunities until they got a free kick in Brazillico territory in the 90th Minute. Every player in the Green and Blue Stripes came to help out. McCann's free kick was easily cleared by the Brazillican defense, gathered up by Alex Cannon, who streaked up the field and cleanly beat Britton, making the score 2-0, which would stand as the final.

The Weegies 0

Brazillico 2
Trevors (3) 58
A. Cannon (10) 90

World Cup 12 - An Overview

With this important win, Brazillico is now four points back of The Eagles Nest for that all important third-place playoff birth. However, Brazillico's place is not as admirable as one would think. Their final two matches are against Spaam and Oglethorpia, the top two teams of group 11 thusfar.

Brazillico has faced Spaam four times in the last eight years and have failed to win any of these matches. However, if we look at meaningful encounters, which this one obviously is, Brazillico did win the World Cup 6 semi-final over Spaam, throughly schooling the Spaamanians 3-0. The home field advantage should mean very little in this match, since Brazillico have been veritable road warriors this year, compiling a 4-1-1 record away from home. Brazillico faces certain elimination with a loss and can pretty much kiss their chances good-bye from advancing without a win. Spaam would clinch a birth in the World Cup with a win and in a worse case scenario would find themselves hard pressed to miss out on third, although there is a remote possibility.

The Brazillico/Oglethorpia encounter should be an extremely interesting one, especially since it’s being played in that death pit formally known as Locosi Colosseum. The Concrete Monster will see its rebirth to international football after thirty years, and should witness a fine match. Brazillico has only faced Oglethorpia once before, with the latter collecting a 2-0 home win. It will be interesting to see where the intensity lies in this match, as we expect that Oglethorpia will have very little to play for, having already secured a birth to the World Cup and the Brazillicans needing to give it everything they have to get into a playoff. At Locosi, where the concrete-based pitch guarantees the match to be a test of will, Brazillico could have the edge.

The bright spot for Brazillico fans is that The Eagles Nest also has to face Spaam and Oglethorpia. The Wonderteam should be hungry to avenge the 1-0 loss they received at the hands of The Eagles Nest and Spaam has been extremely solid against teams with lower ranks than them. In addition, The Eagles Nest doesn’t seem to be playing with the same spark that saw their sharp rise through the tables of Group 11. All this amounts to what should be a fine conclusion to one of the most hotly contested groups in qualifying.

The Master Cooper

27-02-2004, 14:26

*We're in the Master Cooper. It's Sunday afternoon, and the place is pretty much deserted, except for Geoff and Mick sat in a corner on their own, until Mike the Barman comes over...*

Mike the Barman: "D'you think they've seen through us?"

Geoff: "What d'yr mean?"

Mike the Barman: "That we're not really a football team, just a bunch of drunken old fools trying to pass ourselves off?"

Mick: "We're not that bad, are we?"

Mike the Barman: "Well let's put it this way, have we won yet?" *the lads shake their heads* "Well there you go."

Geoff: "But we... we... we drew once, din' we?"

Mick: "Seven times, Geoff. I mean, we must be getting away with it a bit if we can get seven draws out of it."

Mike the Barman: "But lads, we haven't won yet. Surely they must be laughing at us a bit for that."

Mick: "It could be worse, y'kno. There's this team called Hash n Beans who've lost twelve in a row."

Geoff: "Have you ever mixed hash and beans, Mick? You're never gonna be able to play tiddlywinks on that."

Mike the Barman: "But they're playing football?"

Geoff: "Exactly."

Mike the Barman: "Well, anyway, lads, I reckon that they've got us sussed. We even lost to Costa Lot, and they were as bad as us last time round."

Mick: "Well they're from an overpriced holiday resort, they're not that brilliant."

Mike the Barman: "Neither are we."

Mick: "OK, that's true. But let's forget about that. We've got to play some proper football teams now. One Red Dot are coming here, then we have to go to Commerce Heights. How are we going to get away with it?"

Geoff: "Easy. We'll just have to play better."

Mick: "We can't just 'play better'. Hell, some of us can't play at all."

Mike the Barman: "Well, I've got a plan, lads. Why don't we bring the One Red Dot players in here before the match, get them drunk without them realising, then get out on the pitch and give them a good seeing to!"

Geoff: "You mean a drunken brawl? WOO!!! Go Mike!"

Mike the Barman: "No, Geoff, I mean that in footballing terms."

Geoff: "Oh."

Mick: "Well what about Commerce Heights?"

Mike the Barman: "Well, that should be easy. All we have to do is get one of us up to the RP machine, then give it a good bashing."

Mick: "What'll that do?"

Mike the Barman: "Well, what the RP machine does is takes some cuttings from the press, chews 'em up, then spits them out onto the pich to help one team or the other."

Mick: "Is that why we've not won?"

Geoff: "No, that's 'cos we're crap."

Mick: "Oh."

Mike the Barman: "Well anyway, all we need to do is to break into the room before hte match, switch it so it helps us, then get away before anyone sees us."

Mick: "And how are we going to do that?"

Mike the Barman: "Well one of the lads must know somethin' about that kind of thing?"

Geoff: "Well, I've got a mobile phone, if that's any help... though I can't work it. The instructions are in Rejistanian. I can't speak... *he splutters* whatever it is it's written in."

Mike the Barman: "Ah well. We'll think of something. Hopefully."

Eauz

27-02-2004, 14:34

Dispite Small Crowd, Les Bleus win at Home

As Les Bleus came home, no one seemed to be there. The estimated total came to about 89 spectaters to see Les Bleus play Valient. The Managment for Les Bleus are still not sure why, but could be, because no one wants to see Valient play. Though, Les Bleus threatened the fans by saying, we will never participate in another World Cup because of financial problems, if this occurs again. The win comes as Les Bleus last home match of Qualifying round. Les Bleus will go on the road to face Creedence Clearwater and Rinkeby. If Les Bleus can win both games, they will qualify for the 3rd place playoff round, and if Squornshelous loses one or both or ties one and a lose, Les Bleus have a chance at qualifying for 2nd place. Though, playing on the road, Les Bleus have a better chance of winning a match.

Day 1: Eauz @ Giant Zucchini L 1 - 4
Day 2: AlanShearer @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 3: Eauz @ Squornshelous T 0 - 0
Day 4: Mattigool @ Eauz T 2 - 2
Day 5: Eauz @ Valient W 4 - 0
Day 6: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Day 7: Eauz @ Rinkeby W 2 - 0

Day 8: Giant Zucchini @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Day 9: Eauz @ AlanShearer T 0 - 0
Day 10: Squornshelous @ Eauz L 3 - 2
Day 11: Eauz @ Mattigool W 2 - 0
Day 12: Valient @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 13: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: Eauz @ Rinkeby

[code:1:bbcf9fca59]

Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts PP
U Giant Zucchini 12 9 1 2 28 10 18 28 28 34
2 Squornshelous 12 7 2 3 23 13 10 23 23 29
3 Eauz 12 5 4 3 18 11 7 18 19 25
4 Mattigool 12 5 3 4 16 14 2 16 18 24
5 Creedence Clearwater 12 5 2 5 19 18 1 19 17 23
D AlanShearer 12 2 5 5 12 21 -9 12 11 17
D Rinkeby 12 3 1 8 11 22 -11 11 10 16
D Valient 12 2 2 8 10 28 -18 10 8 14
[/code:1:bbcf9fca59]

Eauz

27-02-2004, 15:09

Routz is out

Forward Leni Routz will not be playing in the match against Creedence Clearwater due to a sickness. The sickness though is not serious, and Routz hopes he can play the last game against Rinkeby. Routz will though, fly with the team.

Dance 2 Revolution

27-02-2004, 16:23

D2R Sports (Channel 37)

Matt: Welcome to the opening of D2R Sports
Jeff: This is the channel which will show D2R sporting events. We have great pleasure in now showing you the football match between Group 9 leaders and qualifiers Kingsford and D2R. Commentating from Freddy Silip.
<12'>Freddy: Kingsford are now pressing on through the right wing. The cross comes in and curls inside the 6 yard box and is cooly headed beyond Handplant. Great goal by Kingsford.
<29'>F: Attack again by Kingsford, takes on Gary Little and tumbles over in the box, and the referee has given a penalty. There was no contact, it was a pure dive, but the more experienced Kingsford attack has made a fool of the D2R defence. He takes the penalty...and sends Handplant the wrong way for 2-0.
<34'>D2R are starting to find their feet now, Maeda takes the ball to the edge of the box and strikes it...and it's in! But the celebrations are cut short as Vivid was deemed offside, but he surely was not interfering with play, he was no where near the goal.
<45'>Freekick to Kingsford. Rolls the ball along and it's a shot!..And it's gone in! Completely unsavable, top corner blaster from 35 yards with buckets of curl to boot. Not exactly justice for decisions gone against D2R, but the home side deserve it. 3-0.
<73'>Slide on the ball now who takes it over the half way line. He looks up and hits an aerial through pass. It's a bit too heavy, it's heading towards goal, the keeper is off his line! It's over the keeper...and it hits the top of the bar and goes out, a lucky escape for Kingsford.
<90'>1 Minute of stoppage time to be played. A heavy through ball from Kingsford...it's opened D2R's defence. It's Kingsford's attacker to put it in...and he's put it through the legs of Handplant and the ball reaches the back of the net again. 4-0 Kingsford.
<FT>F: And at full time it's Kingford Four... Dance 2 Revolution Nil
M:That was Kingsford vs. D2R, what did you think Jeff?
J:I think it was a good competitive match, with some dodgy Referee displays though. Do you think it was a good match to start off this channel?
M: I think it would have been better to us not have started with our International team being destoyed, but it was a good match.
J:Well next on D2R sports, we will have coverage on D2R's league match, including a derby which pits Max United vs. Max Athletic. Also tommorow, we will have coverage on the match between New Montreal States and D2R. And the D2R Women International Football Team vs. Kaze Progressian Women Internation Football Team in a friendly...

<The programme continues>

Snub Nose 38

27-02-2004, 16:28

Scuttlebutt – Early Edition

A Pyrrhic Victory
Sten Remington Grey

Our Snub Nose 38 Hooligans (once again, I have to remind myself to refer to them as the replacement Hooligans) achieved a 2 to 1 victory on the football pitch today – but it won’t be enough. Victories by Warnocks Wizards, Defari, and Timway have ensured that the Hooligans quest to qualify for World Cup 12 tournament play will end in at best a fourth place finish, and at worst a sixth place finish, in Group 3. With only the top two sides qualifying directly for the tournament, and the third place side qualifying for a round of matches with other third place sides for a last chance to make it to the Cup, the Hooligans are done.

For now.

There is always another World Cup campaign on the horizon. There will be World Cup 13, there will be World Cup 14, there will be…well, you get the picture.

But a World Cup only comes along once every four years. The good news is that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans have four years to develop a group of talented players into a team that can once again compete on the highest international level.

Of course, those “new” Hooligans will face the challenge under the handicap of a much lower international ranking than any Snub Nose 38 side has had since World Cup 4 competition. Out of this campaign even before qualifying is over, a rank of something in the 30’s or 40’s (or, perhaps, even lower) is expected. Just a few short years ago this side was ranked 3rd. Ah, the vagaries of fortune, of chance, of the random number gods!
For those with real interest in football, the Hooligans scored once in both halves of the match (Ben Dover, 34th and U.B. Lief 68th). Their opponents, Sacco and Vanzetti, scored an equalizer in the 41st minute, and had several excellent opportunities in the second half (when both Justin Case and Beverly had been subbed out for two tubes of toothpaste), but were unable to finish.

These replacement Hooligans have two remaining matches to play to finish out the qualifiers. Look at the roster, folks – no one under 38, and several over 60. But they’ll be there to finish up what they started, they’ll be there playing the best football they can, they’ll be there for honor and whatever glory they can garner.

Why not show up and support ‘em?
[code:1:85d5784b6e]
GROUP 3
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
1 Warnocks Wizards 12 8 4 0 24 7 17 28 34
2 Defari 12 8 2 2 27 17 10 26 32
3 Timway 12 7 4 1 18 8 10 25 31
4 Stalag 5 12 6 2 4 14 13 1 20 26
E Snub Nose 38 12 5 2 5 19 14 5 17 23
E Sacco and Vanzetti 12 4 2 6 13 15 -2 14 20
E Northern Wastestan 12 2 0 10 11 25 -14 6 12
E Hash n Beans 12 0 0 12 1 28 -27 0 6
[/code:1:85d5784b6e]

Tanah Burung

27-02-2004, 17:08

Obituaries

The magic of Margaret
born 20?? in a fit of absence of mind
died 20?? on the playing fields of Sacco (or possibly Vanzetti)

Lamentations abounded for the fading gift of the great Margaret, which finally passed away peacefully in her sleep following the Replacement Hooligans' elimination.

Margaret never sought the limelight. She did her work in the dark and the back rooms, vanishing as quickly as she appeared. Fame was, rather, thrust upon her. While opponents raged at her hexing ability, achieved with the use of rubber chickens and the like, other nations rushed to hire her for her services. And Margaret never met a cheque she didn't like.

Born in the city of Sten, Margaret rose mysteriously through the ranks of Hooliganism to her present eminence. Dignified in defeat, graceful in victory, and deep in lucre, Margaret attracted strong feelings both for an against.

Her greatest triumph came two years ago when she inspired the Hooligans to a Founding Nations Cup win. Allegations that she employed Weapons of Magical Destruction have never been proven. But the first-ever Hooligan title seems to have depleted the magic of Margaret, which died a lingering death in these World Cup qualifiers. Her friends found it painful, but the magic at last perished peacefully yesterday.

The magic of Margaret is survived by Margaret herself, four children, 21 grandchildren, 108 great-grandchildren, a set of spell books and a collection of rancid fruit past its sell-by date. Donations in memory of Margaret's magic can be made to the Ministry of Cognac, Xylophones and Spread Sheets.

Let us join together in the today's hymn, penned by an admirer, in the style Hooligan.

Snub Nose, Snub Nose, who you gonna call?
Margaret's magic's gone AWOL!
Such a sudden painful fall
Try in four years, there's a doll.

Let the vegetable pelting begin.

(You gonna host the tourney for those who miss qualifying now Snub? I'll almost hope not to qualify if that's the case! :wink: )

Halfassedstates

27-02-2004, 17:16

Sowhatsville News

We here have a feeling, the football world is reeling, are our eyes deceiving us?, its happening again! (to the tune of the Addams Family)

That was the chant ringing out around the terraces last night as Halfassed once again knocked 3 past the Redavic union and ensured that WC12 qualifying will be as tight as WC11 was.
The difference this time is that Halfassed's win leaves only 3 sides in the running for the final 2 places, and with 3rd place going into a play-off, every side involved will possibly be in the finals.
On form striker Gregg continued his run scoring the opener after 40 minutes. The home side equalised on the stroke of half-time with a simple free-kick move that should have been dealt with but Ducks got sandwiched between two strikers and failed to clear, leaving a simple tap-in for the #9.
Ducks made up for the error with a thundering header from Perfect's 66th minute corner, and Perfect himself struck just 2 minutes later to give Halfassed, and coach Smith some breathing room.

Thats more than can be said for the Halfassed side themselves. With just two games left, Svecia sit top of group 5 by a point, with Halfassed and the TB clones both right on their heels. Halfassed are above TB solely on GD, just the way we sneaked by Commerce Heights in the last cup.

With all the top three having played each other already, the final games are against those in the group that are already eliminated. While this should be a good thing, any slip up would surely see that side drop out of the running and be forced to settle for the play-off berth.

Given that Halfassed have dropped points against the lower ranked sides in the group, this may not prove to be as nice a run-in as you would expect. Hopefully, for his sake as well as that of the Halfassed nation, coach Smith will be able to get the most out of his players and remind them of exactly how important these two games are!

Abysmalistan

27-02-2004, 18:34

OOC: My slani browser crashed when I was triying to write the RP. I won't write it again but I'd like to give you the idea what is was like: The poor radio moderator Hwurks tried to give a match report, by looking out of the window and watching the match with binoculars. He messed everything up when reporting it, especially since the bad condition of the pitch made the blue Eaglet tricots look like the brown abysmal ones. the only goal was scored when Day fell down and had his head at the right place totally unintentionally. At the end the moderator couldn't say if the match ended 1-0 or 1-8 since he considered it possible that the 'Eagles' scored eight times when he wasn't looking. Here is the replacement:

hre is radio Shanty town from Shanty Town. Perhaps you're not at least interested but the result of the last Abysmal match was morsed. (Short pause) There seems to be an error, the Eaglet score can't be zero. (short pause) the Abysmals lost 1-10 to Aquilla in the swamp.

Snub Nose 38

27-02-2004, 19:17

Obit for "The Magic of Margaret" (see above)We are humbled. :oops: We are in awe. :shock:

We are Laughing Our Collective A__ Off!
:D

BSE Free Bovines

27-02-2004, 21:51

BSE Free Bovines

27-02-2004, 21:56

BOVINE TIMES

BOVINES OUT OF QUALIFYING HUNT AFTER 1 - 1 DRAW WITH STRIKE BIRDS

EL TORO

The 1-1 draw against the The Eagles Nest Strike Birds ended any chance that the Bovines had of qualifying to move on to the knockout round of the WCC XII tournament. I don't think this scenario surprised any of the Bovine faithful given the lack of international experience of their side, however some may be pleasantly shocked that their team managed to stay in contention through twelve rounds.

The Strike Birds came out looking for an early tally in today's match. They applied intense pressure from the initial whistle, taking possession of the ball and creating an up tempo offensive push that seemed relentless. The only Bovine that managed to withstand the pressure was Devon. He managed to stop the Strike Birds' many scoring chances during the first 30 minutes. The pressure finally paid off in the 33rd minute as Strike Bird forward Josh Adams finally got a rebound shot past Devon. The Strike Birds continued to press their attack but the half ended with the visitors up 1-nil.

The second half started much the same as the first, with the Strike Birds still pushing forward and looking for a second goal. The Bovine side had finally settled down and managed to mount some counter attacks. Devon again came up with a number of important saves to keep the match within reach for the local side. In the 73rd minute the Bovines mounted a push down the left with Holstein and Piedmontese. Holstein carried the ball almost to the endline and then knocked it off the defender for a corner. In the ensuing corner, Holstein sent an out swinger to the center of the box. Piedmontese and Santa Gertrudis both jumped with their defenders, the ball seemed to graze the heads of two or three players. Strike Bird keeper Nathan Adams had come out to catch the ball but the deflection threw his timing off and the best he could do was to tip it away. The tipped ball hit Zebu's knee at the far post and rolled in for the equalizer. The Bovines seemed happy with the result and settled back in a defensive posture. The strange goal seemed to deflate the Strike Birds as they did not mount any serious threats to Devon's net in the final 15 minutes.

Group 11 qualification will come down to the final two matches for the four surviving sides. Oglethorpia can finish no worse than 3rd in the group, so they are through to the next round. Brazillico, Spaam and The Eagles Nest are fighting for the other two spots.

The Bovines will be playing The Weegies at "The Pasture" next and then will finish their campaign with a match at Holy India.

Squornshelous

27-02-2004, 23:55

Tough Loss to Group Leader

Squornshelous recorded a 2-1 loss to Giant Zucchini, a team ranked 3rd in the world, and 1st in Group 7. Ineffective offense was the problem in this match, with Squornshelous recording only 8 shots, with only 5 of those on target. The single goal scored by Squornshelous was scored in the 79th minute by Koren Jackson as part of a late game rally, however, the Pschychoes couldn't get a second score and went down in defeat.

Scoring Summary:
G: (player) (22)
G: (player) (34)
S: Jackson (79)

Booking Summary:
none

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 8
Knorr: 5
Richards: 5
Pavon: 3
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1

Group 7 Standings afterr matchday 12:

[code:1:b9b6646cbb]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts
Q Giant Zucchini 12 9 1 2 28 10 18 28 28
2 Squornshelous 12 7 2 3 23 13 10 23 23
3 Eauz 12 5 4 3 18 11 7 18 19
4 Mattigool 12 5 3 4 16 14 2 16 18
5 Creedence Clearwater 12 5 2 5 19 18 1 19 17
E AlanShearer 12 2 5 5 12 21 -9 12 11
E Rinkeby 12 3 1 8 11 22 -11 11 10
E Valient 12 2 2 8 10 28 -18 10 8
[/code:1:b9b6646cbb]

Giant Zucchini is Qualified, Alanshearer, Rinkeby and Valient are eliminated.

If Squornshelous win, we are qualified

Eauz can qualify if they win MD's 13 and 14 and Squornshelous loses twice, or loses once and draws once.

Matigool can qualify if they win out, Squornshelous loses twice, and Eauz does not win at least one game.

Creedence Clearwater can qualify if they win out, Eauz loses and draws, Creedence Clearwater does not win at least one game, Squornshelous loses out and if the GD from Squornshelous' and their last two games is greater than 9.

Squornshelous' last 2 games.

Matchday 13: Valient @ #16 Squornshelous
Matchday 14: #16 Squornshelous @ #104 Mattigool

In looking at the performance of our opponents, it seems highly unlikely that Squornshelous will be beaten in both games.

My picks for the Final Group 7 Standings
1st Giant Zucchini
2nd Squornshelous
3rd Eauz
4th Matigool
5th Creedence Clearwater
6th AlanShearer
7th Rinkeby
8th Valient

Squornshelous

27-02-2004, 23:59

Tough Loss to Group Leader

Squornshelous recorded a 2-1 loss to Giant Zucchini, a team ranked 3rd in the world, and 1st in Group 7. Ineffective offense was the problem in this match, with Squornshelous recording only 8 shots, with only 5 of those on target. The single goal scored by Squornshelous was scored in the 79th minute by Koren Jackson as part of a late game rally, however, the Pschychoes couldn't get a second score and went down in defeat.

Scoring Summary:
G: (player) (22)
G: (player) (34)
S: Jackson (79)

Booking Summary:
none

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 8
Knorr: 5
Richards: 5
Pavon: 3
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1

Group 7 Standings afterr matchday 12:

[code:1:81d9288f2e]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts
Q Giant Zucchini 12 9 1 2 28 10 18 28 28
2 Squornshelous 12 7 2 3 23 13 10 23 23
3 Eauz 12 5 4 3 18 11 7 18 19
4 Mattigool 12 5 3 4 16 14 2 16 18
5 Creedence Clearwater 12 5 2 5 19 18 1 19 17
E AlanShearer 12 2 5 5 12 21 -9 12 11
E Rinkeby 12 3 1 8 11 22 -11 11 10
E Valient 12 2 2 8 10 28 -18 10 8
[/code:1:81d9288f2e]

Giant Zucchini is Qualified, Alanshearer, Rinkeby and Valient are eliminated.

If Squornshelous win, we are qualified

Eauz can qualify if they win MD's 13 and 14 and Squornshelous loses twice, or loses once and draws once.

Matigool can qualify if they win out, Squornshelous loses twice, and Eauz does not win at least one game.

Creedence Clearwater can qualify if they win out, Eauz loses and draws, Creedence Clearwater does not win at least one game, Squornshelous loses out and if the GD from Squornshelous' and their last two games is greater than 9.

Squornshelous' last 2 games.

Matchday 13: Valient @ #16 Squornshelous
Matchday 14: #16 Squornshelous @ #104 Mattigool

In looking at the performance of our opponents, it seems highly unlikely that Squornshelous will be beaten in both games.

My picks for the Final Group 7 Standings
1st Giant Zucchini
2nd Squornshelous
3rd Eauz
4th Matigool
5th Creedence Clearwater
6th AlanShearer
7th Rinkeby
8th Valient

Kingsford

28-02-2004, 04:11

Magnus Valerius

28-02-2004, 04:22

The Valerian Voice
The Voice of The People, Emperor Approved!
Valerian Boyars Reach End of Mediocre Season
Dmitri Romanov

After a victory against Indigo Islands (Away, 1 - 2), the Valerians had run to the end of the season. It was the last day, and Valeria was quite far below the qualifying mark, but fought on to the bitter end, to the cheering of family and fans at home in Valeria. "We at least managed a respectable 5th among our group," mentions Putin. "It actually wasn't a terrible debut, wasn't it?"

In Valeria's final game in the 12th World Cup, Indigo Island was plagued by messy tactics. Valeria, in the first twelve minutes of the game, made a goal. Talos Kantakouzenos and Alexei Putin, the two powerhouses in the team, once again showed their talent. The Islanders made a goal at 45 minutes, preventing the game from being a hat trick for Valeria; the feeling of a pyrrhic victory was in the air, since Valeria was likely to be disqualified anyway. Just 10 minutes later, Valeria was victorious with another goal. Indigo Island had failed to bring back the offense against Valeria, and Valeria had won.

However, this was not enough to save Valeria. Valeria, after its rocky season, was disqualified. Plagued by severe losses early on, Valeria rose again from the bottom to at least be ranked fifth before being dismissed.

The Valerian Boyars returned home. Their spirits were still high, however, and the team players of Valeria came home as heroes. The port awaiting their arrival at the city of Trentino was dressed up. The proud blue banner with its white cross and double-headed eagle emblazoned upon it flew proudly in the air, and the team mates all held the flag up. The Emperor Himself, Alexander I, greeted all of the players personally, and congratulated them on their

Even if Valeria was gone from World Cup 12, they had four more years to prepare for World Cup 13. This, the team, the emperor, and the people of Valeria hoped, was the cup that Valeria will become a mighty contender in the World Cups and in world football. All the players had four more years to improve and to develop new plays and tactics. They had made first blood in the World Cup, and they will surely come back in the next cup improved and braced.

[code:1:7f457ea1d1]Pos Team P W D L F A GD GS Pts PP
1 The Lowland Clans 12 8 2 2 22 11 11 22 26 32
2 Nikea 12 7 2 3 22 15 7 22 23 29
3 Aquilla 12 6 3 3 19 13 6 19 21 27
4 Vozvyshennost 12 4 7 1 17 9 8 17 19 25
D Magnus Valerius 12 3 4 5 14 17 -3 14 13 19
D Wella 12 3 2 7 13 22 -9 13 11 17
D Indigo Islands 12 2 4 6 11 18 -7 11 10 16
D Rachakidia 12 1 4 7 11 24 -13 11 7 13
[/code:1:7f457ea1d1]

Bedistan

28-02-2004, 04:39

After a victory against Indigo Islands (Away, 1 - 2), the Valerians had run to the end of the season. It was the last day, and Valeria was quite far below the qualifying mark, but fought on to the bitter end, to the cheering of family and fans at home in Valeria.

OOC: Actually, there are still two matches left. Although you may be unable to qualify at this point, you'll still play the last two games. ;)

Ravenspire

28-02-2004, 10:54

Football Team Apparently Still Exists

News that the Ravenspire national football team still exists excited apathy among the general populace today. "Hey, you remember when the Ravens used to play here?" asked former sports fan Harvey Walalalala, referring to the excessively-large Kitsuki Stadium in Sargard. Informed that the stadium apparently still hosts Ravens games, he responded, "They're still around? Whoa. That's kind of cool, I guess. Hey, I've gotta run, Curse of the Jade Dragon is on."

Other residents echoed the vaguely-positive sentiments. "I thought they'd all died or something," said Shao Bai. "I wonder why you don't hear about them these days?"

Shao is not far wrong. The side, down to seven players, all substitutes, due to a mysterious illness that has sidelined all of the others, has managed to attain only 13 points in 12 matchdays, a record low. They have allowed more goals than in any past year, and scored fewer. The match against NASTIC 2 was no exception; they were shut out 2-0. One of the few remaining fans in attendance was heard to remark, "Well, at least I've heard of these guys," before wondering aloud whether any good movies were playing.

The team has confounded expectations by not, technically, having been eliminated from qualification. That's now predicted to happen tomorrow, when the Ravens are likely to lose again.

Cockbill Street

28-02-2004, 12:53

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Reverted Results Curse Strikes
Four Of Five Match-Ups So Far Have Had Same Result Home and Away

The Cockbill Street players travelled to Total n Utter Insanity today, hoping they had averted the so-called Reverted Results Curse. After the match in Lubistan, the Cockbill Street players had managed not to get the same result out of the return leg as they had in the first leg. However, that bloke (yes, you do know the name, don't deny it), came to beat us again.

It started off quite well, as usual. Cockbill Street had some good passing plays going on in the middle, beating the Insane players, but of course the shot from Chris Brashear was blocked on the line by you-know-who.

Of course, however, two early goals destroyed it all. The defence looked sloppy on both occasions, and also later in the game. It seems obvious that some changes must be made before the next games against Newcuba and Telewest, because otherwise Cockbill Street might wave goodbye to that play-off spot too.

On a bad day, Harald Axewielder was the only relief - scoring the only Cockbill Street goal with a good shot from about ten metres after a genius of a pass from Adam Petisha on the other wing. Still, it couldn't prevent a loss, and that most likely means that the Streeters must go through the play-offs.

C-mail ratings for Total n Utter Insanity game: J Axewielder 4 - Goldminer 4, Carpenter 4, Chalky 3 (Harmison on 72) - Petisha 5, Lehrer 5 (Calcite on 80), Hammerhock 4, H Axewielder 7 - Brashear 4 (Quier on 66), Pollock 5, Tungsten-carbide 5.

Total n Utter Insanity 2 (why do I even bother? you know the guy's name 14, 29)
Cockbill Street 1 (Axewielder 58 )

Average ratings for WCXII: Jorn Axewielder 5.00 (60/12), Calcium-carbonate 4.33 (26/6), Helen Carpenter 5.17 (62/12), Peter Harmison 5.00 (20/4), Bjorn Axewielder 5.17 (31/6), Adam Petisha 5.22 (47/9), Robert Hauritz 5.00 (35/7), Harald Axewielder 5.33 (64/12), Simon Quier 4.90 (49/10), Chris Brashear 5.67 (51/9), Greg Pollock 5.18 (57/11), Niall Johnson 4.86 (34/7), Hroar Goldminer 5.11 (46/9), Calcite 5.33 (16/3), Tungsten-carbide 5.33 (48/9), Bjorn Hammerhock 5.29 (37/7), Thomas Lehrer 5.17 (31/6)

Snub Nose 38

28-02-2004, 14:00

*We're in the Master Cooper. It's Sunday afternoon, and the place is pretty much deserted, except for Geoff and Mick sat in a corner on their own, until Mike the Barman comes over...*
Mike the Barman: "D'you think they've seen through us?"
Geoff: "What d'yr mean?"
Mike the Barman: "That we're not really a football team, just a bunch of drunken old fools trying to pass ourselves off?"
Mick: "We're not that bad, are we?"
Mike the Barman: "Well let's put it this way, have we won yet?" *the lads shake their heads* "Well there you go."
Geoff: "But we... we... we drew once, din' we?"
Mick: "Seven times, Geoff. I mean, we must be getting away with it a bit if we can get seven draws out of it."
Mike the Barman: "But lads, we haven't won yet. Surely they must be laughing at us a bit for that."
Mick: "It could be worse, y'kno. There's this team called Hash n Beans who've lost twelve in a row."
Geoff: "Have you ever mixed hash and beans, Mick? You're never gonna be able to play tiddlywinks on that."
Mike the Barman: "But they're playing football?"
Geoff: "Exactly."
Mike the Barman: "Well, anyway, lads, I reckon that they've got us sussed. We even lost to Costa Lot, and they were as bad as us last time round."
Mick: "Well they're from an overpriced holiday resort, they're not that brilliant."
Mike the Barman: "Neither are we."
Mick: "OK, that's true. But let's forget about that. We've got to play some proper football teams now. One Red Dot are coming here, then we have to go to Commerce Heights. How are we going to get away with it?"
Geoff: "Easy. We'll just have to play better."
Mick: "We can't just 'play better'. Hell, some of us can't play at all."
Mike the Barman: "Well, I've got a plan, lads. Why don't we bring the One Red Dot players in here before the match, get them drunk without them realising, then get out on the pitch and give them a good seeing to!"
Geoff: "You mean a drunken brawl? WOO!!! Go Mike!"
Mike the Barman: "No, Geoff, I mean that in footballing terms."
Geoff: "Oh."
Mick: "Well what about Commerce Heights?"
Mike the Barman: "Well, that should be easy. All we have to do is get one of us up to the RP machine, then give it a good bashing."
Mick: "What'll that do?"
Mike the Barman: "Well, what the RP machine does is takes some cuttings from the press, chews 'em up, then spits them out onto the pich to help one team or the other."
Mick: "Is that why we've not won?"
Geoff: "No, that's 'cos we're crap."
Mick: "Oh."
Mike the Barman: "Well anyway, all we need to do is to break into the room before hte match, switch it so it helps us, then get away before anyone sees us."
Mick: "And how are we going to do that?"
Mike the Barman: "Well one of the lads must know somethin' about that kind of thing?"
Geoff: "Well, I've got a mobile phone, if that's any help... though I can't work it. The instructions are in Rejistanian. I can't speak... *he splutters* whatever it is it's written in."
Mike the Barman: "Ah well. We'll think of something. Hopefully."Just had some time to read some of the RPs - and THIS IS GREAT STUFF!

Rejistania

28-02-2004, 21:09

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

It's pretty difficult to remember all these rules, you know?
In our attemps to report also from an non-rejistanian viewpoint and because Medijakasit JSK has taken over The Abysmal Times, our reporter Neija Redaya interviews today a famous player from Abysmalistan: Xiq. He has the perhaps best record of all goalies in the cup and regularly hinders matches to end in double digits.
NR: Hello Xiq, or is it Mr Xiq?
Xiq: Just Xiq. I'm abysmal and so I have just one name.
NR: The Abysmalistan team reached the 7th place in the tables of group 2. Isn't this below your expectations?
Xiq: To be honest: I never understand these tables.
NR: Your team is the second-worst in qualification group 4.
Xiq: I don't believe that, we are worst!
NR: Well, you won three times and once got 3 points because your opponent forfit the match. James A Hollar has a worse record.
Xiq: Sorry, I don't know what you mean by 'won'.
NR: Well, it's the aim of playing soccer.
Xiq: The aim of playing soccer? Ah yes, coach Hey mentioned something like that.
NR: You mean Ha~e Hangila?
Xiq: Yes, this insanely difficult name! But the team never understood what he ment.
NR: Then why do you play soccer?
Xiq: Well, just look around and tell me what else to do here.
NR: So you aren't interested in winning?
Xiq: Winning?
NR: Well, when one team scores more goals than the other one, they win.
Xiq: This isn't true. The abysmal defenders scored five times in the first match against Eaglet, but we lost.
NR: Well, that were own-goals! Own-goals count for the opponent!
Xiq: Do they? It's pretty difficult to remember all these rules, you know?
NR: So you want to say that you play soccer on national level without even having a clue about the rules?
Xiq: Hey just told me to stay at the position and not let the opponents get the ball into the goal.
NR: At least that explains why you keep on letting own-goals in.
Xiq: I shouldn't do that?
NR: Yes.
Xiq: Oh, that explains why Hey is so often angry about me.
NR: But despite your utter lack of knowledge about soccer, you make a dozen of safes per game. How do you do it?
Xiq: With Luck. Home games have the advantage that the goal sinks into the swamp, so they aren't that high at the end of the match.
NR: That explains something. Thanks for this interesting insight into the Abysmalistan soccer culture.
Xiq: No problem!

Brazillico

28-02-2004, 22:20

Five plainly dressed college students are hanging out by a door which says “Restricted Access”. They’re at one of Spaam’s uber-stadiums and can hardly be noticed amongst the 300,000 in attendance. Although they’re dressed pretty commonly, one can be sure they’re not Spaamanian for the simple fact that they’re not ugly. The Spaamanians rush towards the stadium as the Brazillican national anthem, which just happens to be the theme to Beverly Hills Cop, begins to play and the match is about to start.

Antonio: Now!

The college kids open the door and bolt through. The large number of Spaamanians pushing and shoving towards the field, attempting to get a good view of the match, allow the college kids to slip in unnoticed. Inside the door is a long, narrow tunnel. Marco takes out his lighter to bring some light into the dark area. Simone pulls out a map and the five stop to study it.

Marco: It should be down this tunnel.

Secuirty Guard: Halt!

Paul: Quick! Off with the shirts!

The security guard’s light flashes towards them as the five boys rip off their shirts, revealing an S, P, A, A and M painted on each of them respectively. They neatly line themselves up into a row.

Security Guard: SMAPA? We’re not a big fan of you Smapanians here. Well at least I’m not. I once dated a girl from Smapa, she was quite the looker. Unfortunately, she was missing an arm, but that’s beyond the point. We were great together until she decided she wanted a guy with a REAL job. Suddenly, dating a security guard wasn’t the kind of guy that one-armed bitch thought she deserved…

The Security Guard continues to mumble on and on about that Smapanian chick while the boys rearrange themselves.

Security Guard: Oh! Go Spaam! I sure hope Spaam actually qualifies this time around. In World Cup Eight we really stunk and then in World Cup Nine we got screwed over by that Belmorian official. Boy, do I hate Belmorians. I hate the way they always do better than us at football and such…

Alex: You’re quite a verbose guy, aren’t you?

Security Guard: Well I like to think that my Spaamanian upbringing has a lot to do with my perspicacity. You know, we got the 4000th best education system in the world? I read it in a UN report I tell you. That makes us better than 119,000 other nations and means we’re more educated and have far more to talk about than them. Concision, what a load! If they had the gift of gab like us Spaamanians they’d talk all day too.

Alex: Well we’d love to trade words with you for the entire day with you, because we are Spaamanian, but shouldn’t you be keeping the peace and making sure that none of those rowdy Brazillicans start a riot or throw any foreign objects on the field?

Security Guard: Point taken. Those uneducated rowdy Brazillicans. Couldn’t hold a monologue for more than thirty seconds if their lives depended on it. I say…

The security guard keeps talking to himself as he walks back through the tunnel, aiming his flashlight in the opposite direction.

Simone: That was close.

The Brazillican college kids continue their trek down the long, narrow tunnel. The only sound that can be heard is the faint breath of the five and the gentle pitter-patter of their footsteps through on the damp floor. The kids reach a locked door.

Marco: Shit! It’s locked!

Simone: My dad used to always tell me as a child, “When in doubt, slap it with a large trout”.

Simone loosens his belt and pulls a relatively large trout out from his pants. He grabs the fish by its tail and slaps the door with it, blowing the door right off its hinges.

Antonio: So that explains that smell. I thought it was this ghetto tunnel.

Paul: I was about to make some disparaging remark about Simone’s personal hygiene.

A giant roar is heard from above.

Alex: What the hell was that?

Simone: Spaam must’ve scored a goal. Hurry guys, we’re almost there.

The five run through the tunnel with renewed vigour. They take a sharp left turn and begin to see an ominous blue glow at the end of the tunnel. They continue to hustle to they reach the end of the tunnel, where they reach Spaam’s giant RP bonus machine. The five stand breathless, admiring its sheer size and craftsmanship. Marco crawls under the machine to study its electronics.

Marco: How do we shut this thing down?

Simone: *Pulling his trout from his trousers* Move away gentlemen!

Simone starts slapping his trout around on the RP bonus machine. The others find bits of pipe, 2X4s, or scraps of metal, and join in with him. After thoroughly pounding the RP bonus machine for several minutes, sparks start to fly and the contraption begins to shake wildly.

Alex: She’s gonna blow!

The college kids sprint out of the RP machine room. A giant ball of fire emanates from the room, causing the dark outline of the five students running to be set against an orange background. The sheer power of the blast knocks the kids forwards, causing them to land face first in the damp tunnel.

Meanwhile, above ground and on the pitch…

Diego Morales: Was that some sort of earthquake?

Mike Indigo: I don’t know, but Meren Luin is controlling the ball around the halfway line. She’s looking for a hat trick. What’s this? A strong gust of wind is blowing her into the gallery section of the stadium!

Diego Morales: I don’t believe it!

Mike Indigo: Durango collects the ball and passes it up the wing to Filipo Cannon. Filipo dancing around the defenders, they look totally useless! He crosses it into the box… Goal! What a header off that massive head of Todd Pink! That’s his first international goal for Brazillico!

Diego Morales: The reverse angle shows exactly how bad Spaam looked on that last play. A weak effort by the defenders in the box allowed big Todd Pink to get wide open, and although that was a well-struck header, you have to say that Surion could have done more to try to stop that one.

Mike Indigo: Back to the game and Brazillico is totally dominating play. After being thoroughly raped for the first eighty-two minutes, a sense of urgency appears to be setting in and Brazillico is really on the offensive now as they only trail by one.

Diego Morales: Junior Socrates plays a deep ball into Sandro Cannon. Cannon takes a step, he shoots, GOAL! Brazillico has pulled even with just five minutes to play!

Mike Indigo: Brazillico seems to be really pushing hard for the equalizer. Maracana passes it across to Pink. Pink fancies a go from a way out… it’s blocked by Finrod Surion and goes sky high towards Brazillico territory.

All of a sudden, a strong wind blows towards Brazillico’s end.

Mike Indigo: It appears Meren Luin is flailing around in the wind like a rag doll.

Diego Morales: That is indeed one of the saddest sights I’ve ever seen. Someone, give that girl a piece of cake.

Meren Luin continues to flutter helplessly in the wind, as she approaches the ball. A strong eastward draft pushes her towards Brazillico’s net, knocking her even further off-balance and causing her foot to make contact with the ball. Salazar, who has a bad habit looks up towards the sky, seeing where exactly Luin will fall, not noticing the ball coming his direction.

Mike Indigo: Goal by Spaam!

Diego Morales: I don’t believe it, I think that Salazar was blinded by the sun and that one might have gone of Meren Luin’s body.

Mike Indigo: And even worse, this match is over! Spaam wins 3-2 and Brazillico is barred from World Cup Competition for the second time in as many tries.

The Brazillican players mill about the field looking confused and shocked after the unfortuitous bounce, while the Spaamanians one the field and in the crowd rejoice. Meren Luin continues to fly through the air, where it is believed she eventually landed in a nearby lake.

Spaam 3
Luin 17, 60, 90

Brazillico 2
Pink 82
S. Cannon 85

Brazillico

28-02-2004, 22:21

Antonio: Kalita State Polytechincal University rules!

Bedistan

28-02-2004, 22:23

The Bedistan Sports Digest

It's Not Over Yet
Odd loss leaves second position technically still up for grabs

DENNIS -- The Bedistani players still aren't quite certain what happened last night at the Stadium of the South in Dennis. They may never know why every last one of their 22 shots on goal wound up going off target. Nor will they know why goalkeeper Erik Oldenburg briefly blacked out in the 28th minute, just long enough for the ball to come all the way from Kerla's half of the pitch straight into the home goal. Manager Johnny Lewis and assistant manager Jeff Whitehurst have reviewed the tapes dozens of times, and they have still failed to determine just what went wrong.

However, some Sports Digest investigative reporting may have found the problem.

"About forty-five minutes before the match," says stadium engineer Niul Nerem, "the RP bonus machine apparently shorted out." When this reporter interrupted her to ask exactly what an 'RP bonus machine' was, Nerem replied, "Oh, there's a whole bunch of speculation roaming about, but I don't think anyone really knows exactly what it does. All I know is that the WCC requires every field to have an RP bonus machine in place for the entire match." With the matter not exactly cleared up, she continued. "I called up the WCC real quick and they told me that we couldn't play the match if we didn't have an RP bonus machine in place. So then I got on the horn to the BFA at Amissville and I asked if they had any extra machines. They said no. I didn't know what to do for a bit, and it looked like we'd have to postpone the match for a couple days. Then Chris [Ferguson, stadium janitor] came up with the idea to call the Commerce Heights Footballing Federation. Luckily, they had an extra one."

To make a long story short, the spare RP bonus machine was shipped over from Commerce Heights. This did delay the match by about three hours, but it was finally installed and the game got underway. Unfortunately for our intrepid Lions, it was the same machine used at the recent Commerce Heights-Gesamtkuntswerk match, and it was apparently still not quite functioning properly. Bellan Almore, stadium technician at Cliff Broquard National Stadium, where the machine had previously been used, was apologetic. "I had no idea that was the machine the CHFF would send over. They had like a dozen others. I hope they weren't trying to sabotage you guys or anything..."

It's still almost certain that the Lions will qualify, though -- they need only one point from their last two matches to secure second place.

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Kerla 1 [<player> 28]

28-02-2004, 22:54

BARNBURNER IN GROUP 3

The top three teams in group 3 are within 1 point of each other going to the last day of qualifying. Warnocks Wizards and Defari have 29 points, and Timway has 28. The final matchday pits the two leaders against each other, which puts Timway automatically through if they win their next match against a group botomfeeder. If Timway wins and the other two teams end in a draw, the Tigers could still take top honors in the group. All other teams in the group have been eliminated from contention.

Lemmitania

28-02-2004, 22:54

Qualifying match day 13 results (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2816517#2816517) have been posted.

RP bonuses for match days 13-14, 3rd place playoffs (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2816679#2816679)

Squornshelous

28-02-2004, 23:13

"Valient" effort by Underdogs Leads to Draw
In what at first seemed to be an easy game against cup newcomer Valient, the Squornshelous Pchsychoes found themselves locked up in a scoreless tie after the full 90 minutes of play. The defenses on both sides of the field played phenomenally, with Valient, even though they have been eliminated from qualification, putting up a strong fight to the end. Valient's goalkeeper was an unpenetrable barrier for the Squornshelan attackers, making several key saves late to keep the match scoreless, including one on a direct free kick in the 84th minute from just outside the penalty area. Luis Pavon struck the ball, sending it arcing away from the keeper towards the bottom left hand corner of the goal, but a nearly superhuman dive by the keeper allowed him to punch the ball away. Squornshelous very nearly scored anyway, when the rebound came out to Jamal Richards, who fired a shot that scraped the top of the crossbar as it went out. At the other end of the field, Toby Allen made some incredible saves of his own, one on a similar free kick, although he was able to hold on to the ball, and one on a corner in the 50th minute. The ball curved out to about 8 yards from the goal and was headed viciously towards the top corner, but Allen had seen where the kick ws going and ws perfectly positiobned to stop the shot. Despite the frustrating nature of the game, Squornshelous qualified for the group stage on the misfortunes of it's groupmates. Losses by Eauz and Matigool put Squornshelous point total of 24 out of reach of the 3rd place team, Creedence Clearwater.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-0 Valient

Scoring Summary:
none

Booking Summary:
S: Rivera (yellow) [49]
S: Truman (yellow) [65]
V: player (yellow) [84]

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 8
Knorr: 5
Richards: 5
Pavon: 2
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1

Group 7 Standings afterr matchday 13:

[code:1:0d60739952]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Q Giant Zucchini 13 10 1 2 31 10 21 31
Q Squornshelous 13 7 3 3 23 13 10 24
3 Creedence Clearwater 13 6 2 5 21 19 2 20
4 Eauz 13 5 4 4 19 13 6 19
5 Mattigool 13 5 3 5 16 15 1 18
E AlanShearer 13 3 5 5 13 21 -8 14
E Rinkeby 13 3 1 9 11 25 -14 10
E Valient 13 2 3 8 10 28 -18 9
[/code:1:0d60739952]

Giant Zucchini and Squornshelous have qualified.

Eauz can finish third with a win and a Creedence Clearwater loss or draw.

Mattigool can finish third with a win, a Creedence Clearwater loss, and an Eauz loss or draw.

Creedence Clearwater can finnish third with a win, or a draw and an Eauz loss or draw, or a loss, an Eauz loss and a Mattigool loss or draw.

AlanShearer, Rinkeby and Valient are eliminated and can finish no better than 6th.

Matchday 14: #16 Squornshelous @ #104 Mattigool

We express our belief that it is highly unlikely that Mattigool will qualify. :twisted:

Bedistan

28-02-2004, 23:18

BJLA-TV News at Five - Albany

Bob: Good evening. Our top story tonight is the apparent death of former Bedistan Lions defender and later manager Gene Barber. Barber, as we all know, was fired from his managerial job after the Lions failed to reach World Cup Eleven. Apparently, he fled the country several months ago and went to Tingitana, a former Bedistani colony on the Southern Continent. He immediately became a Tingitanan citizen and changed his name to "Mark Hammond". Early this morning at Savana International Airport, Barber attempted to board Air Paripana flight 481 to Polyesterhampton, Oglethorpia. It is unknown at this time why he wished to go to Oglethorpia, but Barber apparently committed suicide when faced with some 128 pages of paperwork that all passengers bound for Oglethorpia must complete. He shot himself in the right side of the head with a .357 that he had somehow managed to smuggle onto the plane. DNA testing performed by authorities from the International City revealed that the victim was indeed the former national football team manager.

Gary: In more lighthearted football news, however, the Bedistan Lions have redeemed themselves and will be headed either to Lemmitania or Kaze Progressa for World Cup Twelve! A 2-0 victory over Sliponia at Holmes Stadium in Columbia, with both goals scored by star striker Darren Morlock, gave the squadron enough points to advance to the group stage. Rejistania, of course, secured a qualifying berth after matchday 11, and now Kerla and Avenging Altos will be battling to see who can take third place in the group and attempt to qualify through a playoff round.

Bob: The major story in Group 10 now will be the question of which nation will receive the honor of finishing at the top of the group. Both Rejistania and Bedistan have 28 points after Rejistania's rather disappointing draw, but the Orange-Blues lead the group just barely on goal differential. Rejistania will host Bedistan on matchday 14, and if the Lions can upset the home team with a win, they will take the top spot in the group. A draw or loss, however, would allow Rejistania to remain on top.

Gary: And now let's go to Hannah Greene for the weather! Hannah...

Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Morlock 3, 16) QUALIFIED
Sliponia 0 ELIMINATED

Bedistan

28-02-2004, 23:19

Public service message: Don't delete your double posts!

This has been a public service message from BediStat, Bedistan's premier gambling and statistics service.

Brazillico

29-02-2004, 00:28

Unknown Dude 1: How many Alans is it going to take for an 11-0 loss?
Unknown Dude 2: Too many.
UD1: Come on, give me a number.
UD2: 10,000,000,000,000,000 Alans, which I believe works out to be a few hundred Pesos.
UD1: The current rate is 2 Alans to the pound.
UD1: But perhaps I was being a little overzealous with the eleven goal win.
UD1: How much would it take to see the Wonderteam take a dive?
UD2: 3 billion Alans...enough to retire handsomly
UD1: I'll go for a billion Alans per goal difference.
UD1: You're staring at a 3-0 loss.
UD2: I'll do what I can.
UD1: That's not good enough.
UD1: I need you to guarentee it.
UD2: The Wonderteam'll lose to Brazillico away at Locosi.
UD1: Perfect.
UD1: The money will be wired to you after the scoreline is known.
UD2: Fine. Good doing business.

Snub Nose 38

29-02-2004, 01:41

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..."

- Another loss...another pathetic loss.
- It's not so bad...
- Not so bad? After 13 qualifying matches, the Hooligans - us - we sit in 54th place.

*there is a silence. a very long, very silent silence.*

- Well, Ben, I mean - we aren't really footballers anymore, are we?
- If we aren't careful, we aren't going to be anything anymore, Eileen.
- But it was Defari, Ben. They actually know how this game is played. They actually have talent. They...
- Put a sock in it, Eileen.
- If we could just get some fresh chicken..
- Can it, Margaret.
- Canned chicken?
- Didn't I see an obit in the paper - something about someones magic being dead?
- 'Tsnot Dead, Justin!
- 'Tsnot working.
- But it isn't dead. Just mostly dead.
- What's the difference?
- It's a big difference, Sal. Mostly dead means a little alive.
- Obvioulsy the difference isn't enough to get us into the win column.
- Can't ve all chust get alonk?
*10 voices in tandem* - Shut up, Ivan!
- Well...one more match. Maybe we can scrape one together and shuffle home with our heads up, at least.
- Sally, Sally, Sally. At this point, win, lose, or draw, however we wind up shufflin', we ain't shufflin' home.
- What? Why not, U.B.?
- Because home is where The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 awaits us. With his snub nose 38, no doubt.
- It won't be that bad, Eileen.
- If it's not that bad, Sally - then it'll be worse.
- But...
- No butz. Ve are, az dey zay, toast. Our gooze, az dey zay, iz cooked. Ve are, az dey zay, at de ent uf our rope. Ve...
*10 voices in tandem* - Shut up, Ivan!
- Well, what will we do, then?
- We go into hiding for a while, Sally. Once they get a little past the abject international humiliation...which may take a little while...and put some semblance of a national football side together...well, then we might be able to go home.
- Why would they let us go home then, Margaret?
- Because, Sally, the group of us here right now know more about football than the entire rest of the population of Snub Nose 38 put together. Not that that's saying much. But, for Snub Nose 38, we're the only game in town.

"Leavin' on a jetplane, don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe, I really hate to go..."

(there is, of course, subtle but appropriate music beneath this scene, just barely loud enough to be heard at all - but there, none the less.) edit to credit - a scene from "The Princess Bride" is thoroughly abused here.

Spaam

29-02-2004, 03:01

OOC: Goddamn you Brazillico.... thats funny as all hell :P

The worst part is, I can't write anything until I get this damn machine fixed!

The Eagles Nest

29-02-2004, 04:19

Eagle's Nest Qualifies for Playoff Round

Nest, Oglethorpia tie 0-0; Brazillico falls 3-2 to Spaam

The Nest was very joyous today when the final score sounded on their game against the Wonderteam. They had scored a critical point against them in a 0-0 tie at Oglethorpia. That put the Nest 5 points ahead of Brazillico for the 3rd place in group 11. Only a brazillico win could keep them in the hunt for 3rd. TV sets quickly switched over to a 2-2 game that watched a very thin Meren Luin fly away as the ball snuck by a distracted Salazar for Spaam to clinch the win. The Nest had done the impossible. Qualify for a second round of the World Cup qualifying.

Oglethorpia qualified outright with the tie, and Spaam did as well, as both teams are now 4 points in front of the Nest. Brazillico, 5 points behind the Nest, has been officially eliminated. At this point the final matchday is for nothing but pride.

The Nest-Oglethorpia game was a spectacular game of defense. Only 2 scoring chances were had the entire first half, both by Oglethorpia. A header attempt by Wonderteam forward Kirk Calhoun went just wide of the net, while the second attack went safely into keeper Nathan Adams' hands.

During halftime, A montange of Archy Ferdinand's play was shown in honor of the retiree. At press time, it was not clear of Archy had been to the last home game of Oglethorpia this year, but hopefully more details can be found for tomorrow's article.

After the half, the Nest offense came alive, having 4 chances in 15 minutes, all easily pushed away by Oglethorpia keeper Yamamoto. The next 20 minutes saw very little offensive action as both teams knew a tie would be enough to qualify or put themselves in a good position to transfer, but the Nest wanted a win, which would still give them a shot at outright qualifying, but the Oglethorpia defense proved to much. The Nest tried time and again to organize a play, but the defense only allowed one more shot on the net the remaining time. Nest keeper saw a few shots, but nothing difficult came their way.

After the match was over, a small celebration erupted in the stadium as Oglethorpia was declared officially through to the World Cup. The Oglethopia and Eagle's Nest fans watched a large screen cut over to the Brazillico-Spaam matched. Once Brazillico lost, the Nest fans joined in the jubilation. They may not have qualified, but they would play one game after their last match with Spaam to see if they could get in.

Keeper N. Adams on the game.

"Both spectacular defenses. Amazing. I mean, we knew a tie would be a gret situation to be in, and that Brazillico had to win both games to catch us, so we rooted for Spaam tonight. Tomorrow, we owe them one from what happened when we played at their house."

Striker J. Adams on making the Playoff Round.

"Rookie run and we made the playoff round. If you tell me that we would finish better than 5th in this group, I'd say you were drunk and hopped up on crack or something. We can't qualify, but we are going to go put tomorrow and not give Spaam a win. If they want the group title, they have to go through us. And we're going to make sure the refs aren't so blatantly biased as they were last time."

When asked what he meant by that.

"I think that we have already found a ref. And I think he's from Snub Nose 38. I think. Coach would know more."

Coach Aefnen on the ref.

"The ref for tomorrow's game is very neutral. We went through a large list to find one that had no partiality towards Spaam, the Nest, old team, new teams, or whatever. This game is going to be decided on the field, not by the ref."

Tickets to the Nest-Spaam game have been sold out for two weeks now. Ticket prices are rumored to be scalped at triple the face value, or more. The crowd should be at a fevor pitch tomorrow for the rematch between Spaam and the Nest. Hopefully none of the shenanagins that happened last time will be allowed.

Scoring

No goals scored by either team.

Yellow Cards

None

Matchday 13 Review

With Spaam winning and Oglethorpia tying the Nest, the group is set. Oglethorpia and Spaam qualify regardless of result tomorrow, and the Nest will be the group representative in the playoff round. Jeruselem kept up the sheer beating of Holy India 2-1, and BSE Free Bovines are still playing inspired ball beating The Weegies 3-1. Film at 11.

Eagle Nest's Qualifying Run
Eagle's Nest @ Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest vs. Holy India Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Jeruselem Tie 2-2
Eagle's Nest @ The Weegies Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest vs. BSE Free Bovines Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Oglethorpia Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Spaam Loss 0-1

Eagle's Nest vs. Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Holy India Win 4-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Jeruselem Loss 0-1
Eagle's Nest vs. The Weegies Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ BSE Free Bovines Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Oglethorpia Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam <SOLD OUT>

Group 11 Standings
[code:1:4ced425bc7]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts PP
Q Oglethorpia 13 8 3 2 25 11 14 27 30
Q Spaam 13 8 3 2 23 12 11 27 30
3 The Eagle's Nest 13 6 5 2 18 8 10 23 26
E Brazillico 13 5 3 5 21 15 6 18 21
E BSE Free Bovines 13 5 2 6 16 17 -1 17 20
E Jeruselem 13 3 6 4 15 25 -10 15 18
E The Weegies 13 4 2 7 16 20 -4 14 17
E Holy India 13 1 0 12 6 32 -26 3 6
[/code:1:4ced425bc7]

Eagle's Nest Tied for Best Defense

According to the Bedistat List of Best and Worst, the Eagle's nest is tied with Kingsford, The Belmore Family, WW, Timway, and Rejistania for the best defense of the qualifying round. All of these teams have only allowed 8 goals in 13 matches. The problem is, that our goal output is only half of the best offense, which is why we have so many ties, and not wins. Hopefully, we can get a young player up soon that can help this sagging offense.

BSE Free Bovines

29-02-2004, 06:06

BOVINE TIMES

BOVINES WIN LAST HOME QUALIFYING MATCH 3 - 1

EL TORO

The Bovine national side had a chance to thank their fans during their final home match in WC XII qualifying. With nothing on the line for either squad, the Bovines and The Weegies played an attractive and open match to the delight of the crowd at "The Pasture." The Bovines played a 4-4-2 formation, and Coach Galloway sent a team of mixed reserves and "veterans" onto the pitch. The Bovines started the scoring on the 22nd minute when Salers headed down a Limousin searching pass to the on rushing Wagyu at the edge of The Weegie box. The young forward blasted a low shot past Weegie keeper Britton.

The Weegies came back to even the score line at the 40th minute. McCann and Ogilvie combined for a midfield stop and Ogilvie took off on a strong rush down the right side. He found Dunn on the right edge of the box and flicked a quick pass in his direction. Dunn turned his defender around and managed a hard left footer from about 10 meters. Ankole could do nothing to stop the shot and the match was tied at 1 and stayed that way until halftime.

The Bovines went ahead in the 57th minute when Salers sent a well placed free kick from 20 meters outside the box around the defensive wall setup by The Weegies and into the back of the net. The Bovines slowed the pace of the match and tried to keep possession from this point on.

The Weegies still had some fight left and tried for the equalizer sensing that the home side was willing to sit back and play for the one goal win. The Weegies had good opportunities by Dunn in the 75th minute and by Hardie a few minutes later, but both times their shots were just wide of the mark.

The Bovines got their third tally from a free kick at the top to the box. Salers once again put the ball around the wall but Britton managed to get a hand on it and push it to the far post. Limousin reacted quicker than The Weegie defenders and pushed the rebound in with ease.

After the match we asked coach Galloway for his reaction to the match and the Bovines qualifying campaign. The coach said, "I'm happy we played such a good match I wanted our side to thank our fans by playing well and the victory was just a nice extra. The support that we have received from our fans has been terrific, they have seen some pretty matches, but they also have seen some pretty ugly football played on this pitch, but they have stayed by our side no matter what."

Group 11 qualifying was decided today, with Oglethorpia, Spaam going straight through the next round and The Eagles Nest going on to the third place playoffs. We wish all of you the best of luck for the remainder of the tournament. The Bovines final match will be away at Holy India.

MATCHDAY 13 RESULTS
GROUP 11
Jeruselem 2 Holy India 1
BSE Free Bovines 3 The Weegies 1
Spaam 3 Brazillico 2
Oglethorpia 0 The Eagles Nest 0

Rejistania

29-02-2004, 12:29

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

RP bonus machine explodes - Orange-Blue tie
The Orange-Blue can't win again the Erratic Blobs anyway. The 'home' match somewhere in the rejistanian outskirts ended 0-0, while the away game in the country of Erratic Blobs ended 1-1 after some incidents unknown in the world of international soccer. The match in Blob kali had much more of a home-game than the last match, since nearly no Blobs were watching it. It seemed that the Blobs weren't really interested in international soccer, a fact which was one of the reasons for the incident.

When the Medijakasit JSK official brought the requested part of the KaMaRi Update and the Desnike City News and the Mikirosot JSK official brought the requested parts of the Na~ovi National as input for the so called 'RP-Bonus-machine', they realized a huge amount of paper lying around in the room of the machine, but thought that the Blobs do the burreaucratic formalities here. As it seemed, the Blobs tried to cheat in an unbelivably braze way: Since no blobic newspaper wrote one line about the national team, they simply used the Spaamian Newspaper 'United Spaam Sports Weekly', perhaps not the best, but surely the biggest newspaper in the world.

Thanks to the cheated RP bonus, the Blobs started extremely well. Red Blob, a green erratic blobic striker, had no problems to outsmart the Orange-Blue defense and score the lead goal in the 3rd minute. After this unexpected lead, the Blobs continued the fast and aggresive match, but the substitute defenders were this time prepared. Hexen Imdila looked really scared at the scene, it was his decision to give the substitutes a chance and they seemed to fail horribly. But despite this very one-sided match, the rejistanina defense and Nana Daki, the goalkeeper prevented the blobs from extending the lead. The first half ended 0-1, but everyone considered it unjustified after a huge amount of blobic chances (well, everyone except the Orange-Blues).

The second half started in a confusion: the ball bounced to and fro as if the match took place in the infamous Gmlac stadium and neither the Blobs nor the Orange-blues had any chances, a faint grumble could be heared and became louder. In the 50th minute, fans covered their ears - and then, in a loud bang, the RP bonus machine exploded and parts of it fell on the pitch. Among this parts were scraps of the Spaamian newspaper, which were counted as evidence of the cheating. after the match continued, the Blobic donuance was over like it never existed. The Orange-Blues had no problems now to dominate the Blobs. The Orange-Blues however couldn't finish because the blobic goalkeeper Yellow Blob (who really was red) again blocked the goal entirely. This time, subsitute striker Syku Syliju knew how to handle the situation, in the 77th minute, he shot a ball so hard, that goalkeeper Yellow Blob fell into the goal. The score was equalised. After that, the blobic goalkeeper expanded even more to avoid this happening again and so other attempts of SyLy were in vain.

The 1-1 is no satisfying score, neither for the Erratic Blobs, who are now eliminated, nor for the Orange-Blues, who now have to fear to lose the first place in the group table to Bedistan. The next match in the Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium willbe the deciding match. a draw or any higher result would secure the first place for the Orange-Blues thanks to a better goal difference. A loss against Bedistan however will move the Lasane'het to the second position.

The result:
Erratic Blobs 1 (Blob 3rd)
Rejistania 1 (Syliju 77th)

Jeruselem

29-02-2004, 13:57

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem return home as heroes, calls for Kewell to be Knighted

The Jeruselem Crusader team has returned home to heroes welcome after their best ever World Cup campaign. While finishing 3rd last in Group 11, they finished with more respect from opponents with 3 wins, 7 draws and 4 loses compared to the 1 win and 13 loses of WC XI.

Jeruselem beat Holy India 2-1 and drew The Weegies in their last two games in finish on 16 points. Spaam and Oglethorpia finished as immediate qualifiers from Group 11 while The Eagles Nest managed 3rd.

Captain Harry Kewell was happy with the result as it has expected his team of youngsters would finish last, but their critics were silenced with unexpected good results.

[code:1:7af9606078]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
U Spaam 14 9 3 2 25 13 12 30
U Oglethorpia 14 8 4 2 27 13 14 28
3 The Eagles Nest 14 6 5 3 19 10 9 23
D Brazillico 14 5 4 5 23 17 6 19
D BSE Free Bovines 14 5 3 6 17 18 -1 18
D Jeruselem 14 3 7 4 16 26 -10 16
D The Weegies 14 4 3 7 17 21 -4 15
D Holy India 14 1 1 12 7 33 -26 4

[/code:1:7af9606078]

Dance 2 Revolution

29-02-2004, 13:58

D2R Sports

Jeff: Welcome to D2R Sports
Matt: Noooooooo!!!*sob*
Jeff: And on today's show *Matt bangs hands on table and floor whilst sobbing* Shut up Matt! We will be showing the match that D2R stopped for D2R vs. Big Butts, the match for the 3rd place qualifying spot. D2R needed a win to secure 3rd place and go to the play-offs. A draw would do nicely for Big Butts and a win could put them in an automatic qualification position depending on the result at Dennisov. Commentary from Peter Pokjaan
<0'>Peter: D2R kick off...passed all the way back to the goalkeeper...Handplant kicks it upfield and it's collected by Maeda who strikes on the volley...and it's a superb goal! Maeda scores after 9 seconds of play! D2R are off to a flying start here. 1-0 D2R!...
<39'>P: These two teams have seemed to cancel each other out for the last 38 minutes...very little going on, the ball seems to be glued to the middle of the park...the players of both teams seem to be uncomfortable with the ball...and now the ball is released, which Maeda collects and runs through the middle...he has a shot from the edge of the box which catches the goalkeeper off guard...it hits the post and goes back into the relieved goalkeeper's arms...
<HT>P: It's half time here, the score is 1-0 in the favour of D2R. D2R have had the more chances, having 2 to Big Butts 0 chances. Uneventful half...
<71'>The ball is put out of play so Chaos can recieve treatment...Thrown in from Jay-Jay Step. Maeda hits it to the Big Butts goalkeeper...it's a bit too high...it over the keeper...hit's the bar! That would have been embarrassing for both teams if it had gone in...
<79'>Maeda on the ball...and...there's a puppy on the pitch! All the players have gone to play with the puppy! What a weird display, the players have forgot about the match! Though it is a cute puppy...
<90'>Now the player's leave the puppy with the D2R manager and continue to play...
<93'>Last throw and first throw of the dice by Big Butts in this match...Its whipped in...and meets the head of the Big Butts Attacker...and the first effort has gone in! Heads in hands for the D2R players, they know that if they got rid of the ball...they would be in the playoffs. Daiken Road has been filled with silence. Fans and players on their knees, banging the ground, holding their heads, frustration of coming this far and being dropped out by 1 point...by 1 goal. A sad day for D2R Football

J: That draw puts Big Butts into the play-offs and D2R out of the tournament
M: At least this means the D2R league can catch up...it's 7 matches late
J: Just think of it as a regular League Break now...I'm sure D2R will enter next year. Player's that can't enter the World Cup still do have the D2R Many-A-Side match...speaking of which, the coverage of the Many-A-Side match is soon. For you die hard D2R Fans out there, here are highlights from D2R games and our national teams overall statistics:

[Highlight's shown from these matches:

Day 1: Dance 2 Revolution 2 – 1 Flacktania
Day 2: Dance 2 Revolution 1 – 0 Nadeer
Day 3: Dennisov 3 – 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 4: Anti-Nazis 1 – 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 5: Dance 2 Revolution 1 – 3 Kingsford
Day 6: Dance 2 Revolution 1 – 0 New Montreal States
Day 7: Big Butts 1 – 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 8: Flacktania 2 Dance 2 Revolution 2
Day 9: Nadeer 0 – 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 10: Dance 2 Revolution 0 - 2 Dennisov
Day 11: Dance 2 Revolution 4 – 0 Anti-Nazis
Day 12: Kingsford 4 – 0 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 13: New Montreal States 3 – 1 Dance 2 Revolution
Day 14: Dance 2 Revolution 1 – 1 Big Butts

whilst showing these statistics down the side, being updated after each match, and the league table at the other side:

Played – 19
Won – 8
Drawn – 5
Lost – 6
Goals For – 23
Goals Against – 24
Goals Differential – -1]

WC XII Thank You For The Memories

<End of World Cup Coverage>

Eauz

29-02-2004, 14:20

It is the END of the WORLD

Oh No! On the last match of World Cup Qualifying, it resulted in a Bitter-Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet ending. Les Bleus went into Rinkeby to face another team which they won against the first time. In the First half, Les Bleus scored the first goal by a header at the 22nd minute of match. Routz who was out last match, was feeling better, and decided to play the last match of the 12th World Cup. Routz came back in style, kicking home the 2nd goal at the 51st minute of play. After the goal though, Routz felt ill, and Barfed all over the field. Doctors said Routz must have eaten some mad evisceratomato in a restaurant. The match ended in a 2 – 0 win for Les Bleus, leaving them to wait for the end of the GZ Creedence match. Unfortunatly, at the end of that other match, Creedence pulled off the win against GZ, resulting in the elimination of Les Bleus for qualifying in World Cup 12.

The coach commented on the last days match, saying “I guess we just were not expected to win this time. But it also seems that a lot of other higher, more experienced teams are out of it early too. Makes one wonder what is going on with the system. Oh well, we had a bad year, and our team had some new players. We just need to get some new team chemistry.

Day 1: Eauz @ Giant Zucchini L 1 - 4
Day 2: AlanShearer @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 3: Eauz @ Squornshelous T 0 - 0
Day 4: Mattigool @ Eauz T 2 - 2
Day 5: Eauz @ Valient W 4 - 0
Day 6: Creedence Clearwater @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Day 7: Eauz @ Rinkeby W 2 - 0

Day 8: Giant Zucchini @ Eauz L 1 - 0
Day 9: Eauz @ AlanShearer T 0 - 0
Day 10: Squornshelous @ Eauz L 3 - 2
Day 11: Eauz @ Mattigool W 2 - 0
Day 12: Valient @ Eauz W 0 - 2
Day 13: Eauz @ Creedence Clearwater L 1 - 2
Day 14: Eauz @ Rinkeby W 2 - 0

[code:1:5bf646f1bb]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
U Giant Zucchini 14 10 1 3 31 12 19 31
U Squornshelous 14 7 4 3 24 14 10 25
3 Creedence Clearwater 14 7 2 5 23 19 4 23
D Eauz 14 6 4 4 21 13 8 22
D Mattigool 14 5 4 5 17 16 1 19
D AlanShearer 14 3 6 5 14 22 -8 15
D Rinkeby 14 3 1 10 11 27 -16 10
D Valient 14 2 4 8 11 29 -18 10
[/code:1:5bf646f1bb]

Giant Zucchini

29-02-2004, 14:49

The Green Mile:
Episode 13: Déjà Vu?

Mr Woo: Here we are in the Rinkeby, as we look forward to the Zucchinis next qualifying match. With me is the legendary Ron Atkinson! So, what do you think of this fixture?

Mr Atkinson: Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.

Mr Woo: The Zucchinis have taken a commanding lead in qualifying. How do you think the Zucchinis will go into this match?

Mr Atkinson: They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match.

Mr Woo: And referee starts the match off.

22 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: And Rinkeby concede the free kick in a dangerous position. Woog over the ball.

Mr Atkinson: Yew Sei Biu, predating as usual...

Mr Woo: The cross into the box, and Yew heads it in for the Zucchinis’ first.

Mr Atkinson: They've done the old-fashioned things well; they've kicked the ball, they've headed it...

39 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: Woog’s pass finds Shtaan in space…and he skews the shot well wide.

Mr Atkinson: He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate. He had acres of time there.

46 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: And that’s the end of the first half, it’s 1-0 to the Zucchinis. Once again, Yew Sei Biu’s scoring talent cannot be denied.

Mr Atkinson: Well, it's all about the two Ms - movement and positioning. For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field.

Mr Woo: How do you think the teams will approach the second half after their first half display?

Mr Atkinson: If Mr Hurr said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.

Mr Woo: The players are back on the pitch and the second half will start soon.

52 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: It’s Zonk on the ball, he’s entering the area.

Mr Atkinson: He circumnavigated the defender there.

Mr Woo: Lots of tackles flying around Zonk…

Mr Atkinson: I think that was a moment of cool panic there. You don't want to be giving away free kicks in the penalty area.

Mr Woo: …and Zonk slots it away into the back of the net. The Zucchinis 2 up.

Mr Atkinson: They've come out at half time and gone bang.

65 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: Woog on the ball. He goes for the long shot…saved by the Rinkeby keeper.

Mr Atkinson: Woog would have scored, but his shot was too perfect. You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time. The keeper should have saved that one, but he did.

78 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: The pass from Ppakkaddumm, and Shtaan smashes it into the back of the net. The keeper had no chance.

Mr Atkinson: The keeper was unsighted…he still didn't see it.

91 minutes on the clock…

Mr Woo: The whistle blows and Giant Zucchini runaway winners once again with a 3-0 win over Rinkeby.

Mr Atkinson: I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won...

Mr Woo: I’ve also had this sneaking feeling this was an exact repeat of the match back in Giant Zucchini.

Mr Atkinson: You know when I say that things happen in matches? Well, it just happened there.

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English

The Eagles Nest

29-02-2004, 14:54

WCXII Qualifying Over

Strike Birds Fall 2-1

The Strike Birds having already secured 3rd place in Group 11, played Spaam very closely today but came up short 2-1 at home. The team was welcomed onto the field today by a thounderous applause for their efforts, and then the game began.

The scoring started out quickly, as the Nest struck first blood 8 minutes in with a header from Josh Adams over the diving Spaamanian goalie. Spaam quickly retaliated when Striker Luap Sissud scores a phenominal goal from a free kick that arced over the wall and just went past Nathan Adams to equalize the game 1-1.

After the sudden flurry of goals, A high pitched whine filled the stadium and then a loud explosion was heard and a 25 foot chuck of the midfield was blown out of the ground. Preliminary reports is that the RP machine, filled with the sheer amount of RP from both the Nest and Spaam, just couldn't handle it, and simply overloaded and exploded. The referee shrugged and said play on. The hole is considered out of bounds.
For the rest of the half, the game was very even as neither team had a great chance to score.

The second half began, much as it had ended, with the ball staying mostly in the midfield areas, avoiding the hole and not very many good scoring chances for either side. Spaam broke through a bit later with a diving header off of Meren Luin to pull ahead 2-1. The Nest did have a great chance to equalize but unfortunately, the kick went of the post and bounced harmlessly away. But tragedy did strike as not five minutes later, Luin tripped and fell into the hole. A medical helicopter was rushed to the scene and airlifted Luin out to a nearby hospital. No information on this time as degree of injuries. The game ended 2-1 with Spaam winning the group outright after Oglethorpia's tie to Brazillico in what is reported to be a pretty physical match.

Luckily, none of the fights or cards that marred the last Spaam game occured this time. The referees called the game tight and wa very very liberal with warnings early, and it kept the game playing, and not the players fighting.

The Eagle's Nest will now have to wait to see who they play and where for the playoff round of the World Cup. Ticket Information will be available once we know it. Officials are working to replace the RP machine and fill in the hole in case the next game is at Silver Flame Stadium.

Striker J. Adams on the game.

"We wanted to win, give them back what they gave us, but oh well, in the big picture, they didn't matter."

Coach Aefnen on the Playoff Round.

"I know nothing at this point. When we do, you'll know as well. We just have to wait for the committee to speak."

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 8:04 (12)

Spaam
L. Sissud 13:42 (5)
M. Luin 62:17 ( 8 )

Yellow Cards
None

Matchday 14 Recap
Three of the four games saw ties today, asn many teams were just playing to play out the round. Spaam and Oglethorpia were fightng for top spot, but Brazillico played Oglethorpia to a tie allowing Spaam to take top spot in the Group.

The Weegies 1 Jeruselem 1
Holy India 1 BSE Free Bovines 1
Brazillico 2 Oglethorpia 2
The Eagles Nest 1 Spaam 2

Final Standings
[code:1:8b4226c258]
GROUP 11
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Q Spaam 14 9 3 2 25 13 12 30
Q Oglethorpia 14 8 4 2 27 13 14 28
3 The Eagles Nest 14 6 5 3 19 10 9 23
E Brazillico 14 5 4 5 23 17 6 19
E BSE Free Bovines 14 5 3 6 17 18 -1 18
E Jeruselem 14 3 7 4 16 26 -10 16
E The Weegies 14 4 3 7 17 21 -4 15
E Holy India 14 1 1 12 7 33 -26 4
[/code:1:8b4226c258]

The Eagle's Nest Qualifying Results
Eagle's Nest @ Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest vs. Holy India Win 3-0
Eagle's Nest @ Jeruselem Tie 2-2
Eagle's Nest @ The Weegies Win 2-1
Eagle's Nest vs. BSE Free Bovines Win 2-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Oglethorpia Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ Spaam Loss 0-1

Eagle's Nest vs. Brazillico Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Holy India Win 4-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Jeruselem Loss 0-1
Eagle's Nest vs. The Weegies Win 1-0
Eagle's Nest @ BSE Free Bovines Tie 1-1
Eagle's Nest @ Oglethorpia Tie 0-0
Eagle's Nest vs. Spaam Loss 1-2

Statistics
[code:1:8b4226c258]

Record:
P W D L GF GA GD
Home: 7 4 1 2 9 4 +5
Away: 7 2 4 1 10 6 +4
Neutral: 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

vs. P W D L GF GA GD
Brazillico 2 0 2 0 2 2 0
BSE Free Bovines 2 1 1 0 3 1 +2
Jeruselem 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1
Holy India 2 2 0 0 7 0 +7
Oglethorpia 2 1 1 0 1 0 +1
Spaam 2 0 0 2 1 3 -2
The Weegies 2 2 0 0 3 1 +2
[/code:1:8b4226c258]

Bedistan

29-02-2004, 15:39

The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages fo the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 congratulates the 24 national sides that have qualified to participate in World Cup 12.

He advises these sides to acquire a sufficient number of bicycles to move their entire team, coaching and administrative staff included, from place to place should they be drawn into the groups who will play in Lemmitania. He also notes that we just happen to have 100 fine bicycles on hand for which we now find we have no use. 50 of these are those big tricycles with the cargo basket - excellent for moving team equipment about.

Scene: The visitors' locker room at Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium in Rejistania. The match has just ended, and Dr. Vu has been busy reading the morning Scuttlebutt when he sees this message printed by the Ministry of AO&AB.

Dr. Vu: Um, guys, do we have any bicycles?

Lewis: Bicycles? What for?

Dr. Vu: In case we get drawn into a group playing in Lemmitania. Cars are illegal there.

Lewis: Um. Nope, no bicycles here.

Dr. Vu: Well, it looks like the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 has something of a "surplus" of bicycles that they'd like to get rid of.

Lewis: Well, won't they need their bicycles too?

Whitehurst: The Hooligans didn't qualify, Johnny.

Lewis: What?! The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans not qualify? How did that happen?

Dr. Vu: Something went wrong with the chickens, I guess. Maybe they were sick or something. Anyway, they've got 100 bicycles available. Think we can scrounge up...say, þ1200?

Lewis: Did they say how much they wanted for them?

Dr. Vu: No. But þ12 a pop is pretty good deal these days.

Lewis: True. Jeff, get me the phone.

Whitehurst: You got it.

Snub Nose 38

29-02-2004, 15:43

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

RP bonus machine explodes - Orange-Blue tie
...As it seemed, the Blobs tried to cheat in an unbelivably braze way: Since no blobic newspaper wrote one line about the national team, they simply used the Spaamian Newspaper 'United Spaam Sports Weekly', perhaps not the best, but surely the biggest newspaper in the world.
...First time I read this I was in a hurry. This time, I found this little gem!

Excellent, Rej! :wink:

Snub Nose 38

29-02-2004, 16:03

*a small caravan, about half a dozen camels, an equal number of burros, three horses, two donkeys and an ass (we leave it to you to determine who that is), moves slowly through the great alkali desert of the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. atop the third camel sits a figure in burgundy robes and a midnight blue hooded cape. strapped to the saddle is a thoroughly beat-up old rubber chicken. we know her only as "margaret". her cell phone rings. she digs it out of the saddle bag on the left side of the camel, flips it open, and...*

- Hello?
- ***** 8) **
- Who did you say?
- ****
- Oh, Lewis. Lewis who?
- ******* :D ***
- The Bedistani Lions. What do the Bedistani Lions want with us?
- ****************************
- Slow down, slow down! You want to buy what for how much from who because what might happen, maybe?
- **** :?
- Bicycles? Yes, we have bicycles.
- *** :?:
- Exactly 100.
- ******
- Hold on a second.

*margaret puts her hand over the mouthpiece, turns to the camel behind her, and hollers*

- Hey, Ben!
- What?
- Bedistan wants to buy our bicycles!
- Frangiapan wants to fly an icicle?
- I said "BEDISTAN WANTS TO BUY OUR BICYCLES!"
- Oh. Sell 'em.
- Hey! Those belong to the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, and as Minister, I decide what happens to them!
- Point one: As Minister, you are fleeing. Point two: You don't decide anything - you never have. Point three: Shut up. Now, Ben, how much do we want for 'em?
- Whatever they'll offer. Don't tell 'em that, but what the heck do we need wtih bicycles? They don't work well in the sand, you know.

*margaret faces forward once again, flicks her camel's right shoulder with the slight stick she's carrying for that purpose. as the camel turns slightly to the left (following the two lead camels, carrying eileen dover and justin case) she uncovers the mouthpiece of her cell phone, and*

- It seems we could part with our bicycle fleet for the right price.
- ******
- That's the right price.
- ************
- I'll have to get back to you on that, Lewis. We've got a couple of logistical issues to work out, but once that's done we can arrange for a time and place we can conduct our business. Say, have you ever heard of the ancient city of Longbow?

Rejistania

29-02-2004, 16:45

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

'Newbs' tied 'Team Experience'
While the whole country of Bedistan was relocated to Terranordia, a group of Bedistanis didn't follow but left for Rejistania - it was the Bedistan National team on his way to the match against Rejistania. The match Rejistania - Bedistan took place in the biggest stadium in Rejistania: Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati, sometimes translated to Sen-La-Sa~o Promotion, or simply called the SLS. It is also the stadium in which the final of world cup 13 will take place in case the Street and Island bid is successfull. The opponent Bedistan is also an opponent in the bid for world cup 13 with the so called 'CH/Beddy' bid (Commerce Heights & Bedistan).

It is perhaps an amusing fact that the youngest Bedistani player, Tyrone Hockensmith, is only one year younger than the oldest starting Orange-Blue, Kansu Sanan. Xeseja Su didn't play because there was much to do in the Rejistanian Revenue Office and Xeseja Su had the impression of overexceeding his bonus as amateur national player. His comment: 'SySy needs a bit experience, this match has nothing to lose since both teams are qualified already and my boss gets angry at me if I can't work. Sounds like three reasons to abstain.' The line-ups were as expected: The Orange-Blue starters did start with the exception of Xeseja Su and also the Bedistanis used the first team.

The match saw many good Bedistani chances but also dangerous attacks or counter-attacks from the Orange-Blues. In the 15th minute, Jen I Y only could parry a 100% chance of Javier Lewey. Only five minutes later, bedistani goalkeeper Erik Oldenburg didn't have the luck. A corner shot of Syku Syliju found the head of Inik Linkosa. The midfielder of SLS Redy placed the ball in the upper left corner of the goal, only missing the woodwork by centimeters. The Silver-Blues only used this as a reason to attack even more fiercly. In the 31st minute, Bedistan equalised the score. A good attack of Javier Lewey could only be stopped by a foul of Sen Ajil. the referee decided free kick for Bedistan, Darren Morlock shot it and Jen I Y had no chance to hold the ball. The Silver-Blues archieved the lead in the additional time of the first half, it was Morlock'he, who shot the goal after an assist of Neil Palin. The second half saw many chances for both teams, but also certain problems to capitalise them. In the 67th minute, Syku Syliju finally could at least equalize the score. The draw was not the best result possible, but it secured the Orange-Blues the first place in the group tables, only seperated by one goal difference to Bedistan.

The result:
Rejistania 2 (Linkosa 20th, Syliju 67th)
Bedistan 2 (Morlock 31st 45th)

Good luck in Kaze Progressa and Lemmitania!!

Tanah Burung

29-02-2004, 19:51

OCCASIONAL CROCODILE

Halfassedstates completed their comeback charge by topping Group Five. Svecia continued to dominate its competition, to earn the second automatic qualification spot.

Tanah Burung ended with a loss and then a draw, to fall to third spot. That means a win-or-go-home match against an undetermined opponent. "Bi Kikere should never have sent those raspberries back to Margaret, it looks like theiy were a good luck charm," said team spiritual advisor Sister Rosaria da Cruz.

The Dessicated Clones appear to be running out of steam. With each match, larger and larger chunks of dry, dead skin fall from their papery bodies. Each header by a Clone attacker, it seems, leaves a mound of Clone hair stuck to the ball. It's not a recipe for scoring. Against True Yorkshire, Cloned Sultan Agung's bone protruded through his flesh, puncturing the ball and delaying play.

Emergency shipments of Tiger Balm and aloe vera gel are on their way, in the hopes that the Dessicated Clones can be held together long enough to get a win and advance to the World Cup. "If they don't work," Bi Kikere told reprtiers with a small smile, "I have a secret ingredient that may do the trick."

Sister da Cruz seemed unsure. "We need more than a secret ingredient. We needs giant rosaries, mass prayer, powerful magic -- and the blessings of a Saint."

Svecia

29-02-2004, 21:17

VILÄMNA TIMES

WORLD CUP BOUND
Loss to Sterling Ice Meaningless for Qualification but Leaves Lightning in Second
Monday, 1 March

Svecia will be returning to the World Cup this year riding in the wake of a much stronger qualifying performance than the last tournament. Svecia finished their qualifying performance with a 2-0 victory over Tanah Burung, a 2-0 victory over Dockett, a 3-2 victory over NEWI Cefn Druids, and finally a 2-1 loss to Sterling Ice to finish the qualiyfying. The loss to end qualifying left Svecia in second place in Group 5, after the Halfassedstates won their final match 5-1.

Svecia now looks to finish high in the World Cup for the first time in many World Cups. The Lightning's highest finish ever was 3rd when they acheived the position twice in World Cups 5 and 7. Since the glory days of striker Karl Goree and keeper Matt Fijts, the team has never finished higher than the quarterfinals since then. Last Cup, of the eleven starters, none of them had ever played in a World Cup match. Yet the team still made it through qualifying and the Group stage, only to fall in the second round. This year, all 11 starters have returned and so far the results have shown the experience of the squad with the Lightning finishing 8-3-3. Also, last tournament was the first year for former Svensson University head coach, Tim Sveers, to be head coach of the national team. He introduced a new formation and thinking to the players, and although the results from WC 11 didn't show the hard work the players put in to learning the new system, the work payed off for this year. The team's goal is to make it to the final four, although they acknowledge that this will require a few upsets down the road. But their 2-0 and 5-1 victories over Tanah Burung were considered upsets in the group, so the team is definitely capable of pulling off upsets.

Abysmalistan

29-02-2004, 21:35

The last match began for the Abysmals. It was really bad weather in East Spaam so the Abysmals had something like a home-advantage even if the match was away. The East Spaamian players protested since 'We aren't here in an Abysmal swamp!', but it didn't help, the match took place. Even if the pitch wasn't so muddy, that rubber boots were required, the Abysmals played up to their standards (even though, no Abysmal would calll it like that). At the end, the scoreline was only 0-1 against the Abysmals. That was not a win, but the Abysmals all have no idea what a win is. Have they? Let's hear the talk in the locker room after the match.

Ha~e Hangila (HH): You're terrible, You had chances which were screaming to be capitalised! But did you do that?
Meep: Yes?
HH: You didn't you didn't score once!
Woo: Don't get angry, it's not good for your health.
HH: I don't have any other possibility here, you play absolutly terribly! Day, falling on the ball doesn't count as trying to shoot it!
Day: Heh, I don't decide to do so!
HH: And why do you fall every other second?
Day: Have you seen that pitch, it's terrible, no holes, nearly no mud, how can someone play on it?
HH: Most pitches have neither holes, nor mud, nor are they rain logged. Ever thought about that?
Day: I never saw one in Abysmalistan. Everywhere I played before were holes, mud and water.
HH: However. Mink, Stoi, yes, I said the opponents are not supposed to score in the goal, but that does not mean, that you should do it!
Stoi: Don't?
Mink: and you're telling us now?
HH: If you shoot to the goal, where Xiq is in, this is not good.
Mink: but in the league it is!
HH: You are not slani in the league, you are one team!
Mink: But I thought scoring goals make the team not-lose-and-not-even-draw.
At this time Ha~e Hangila collapses. Currently he is in an East Spaamian hospital. He is expected never to coach the Abysmals again.

Oglethorpia

29-02-2004, 23:23

The Emerald Heights Times
Your favorite bimonthy source for news.

Battle at Locosi
Locosi Coliseum plays home to mascot battle

By Bill Christmas

BRAZILLICO (BT) -- In advance of a regional faceoff pitting Emerald Heights pseudo-neighbors Brazillico and Oglethorpia against each other, Brazillican Football Association officials moved the matchday 14 showdown to Locosi Coliseum -- renowned for it's brutal pitch, astroturf layed over a floor of concrete. It was a move to give the Brazillicans another tier of defense -- offensive runs struggling against a pitch that'd injure players without lifting a finger. The Chili Bats took to the field on their home pitch in the well-known purple jerseys responsible for blinding BSE Free Bovines mascot Horace the Bovine, pumped for a high-energy match against Guy Picciotto's Wonderteam, sporting their less-flashy blue, green and white kits.

Kickoff saw the home team take posession A. Cannon and Trevors leading a push downfield -- Brazillico Brazillicating along in their 4-4-2 formation. An Oglethorpian defense led by Baltasar Grey cleared the ball before a shot threatened substitute goalie Murray White in for Yamamoto-san. At this, James Oglethorpe, the Oglethorpian mascot on the Wonderteam's side of the field, proceeded to jeer the Brazillicator (on behalf of the Chili Bats) and that the Brazillican mascot was "Brazillicating in his pants."

The opening 10 minutes only saw 2 offensive chances on each side's part, none leading to a goal, or even a shot -- the real battle was between the two national side's mascots, trading insults and riling up their respective team supporters as best as possible.

Oglethorpia made no chances for themselves until the 23rd minute -- stripping Brazillican midfielder T. Cannon playing forward, Fernando Green played the long ball up into the Chili Bat's half of the field, Torrence Black taking possession. With forward momentum moving their way, Black sent the ball up to center forward Kirk Calhoun -- having beaten the last defender, the 36-year old striker curved a fine ball around Chili Bats keeper Salazar. Calhoun's well placed shot to the right corner of the net put Oglethorpia up 1-nil in the 24th minute.

Brazillico

01-03-2004, 02:33

The Emerald Heights Times
Your favorite bimonthy source for news.

<<Page Two>>

Battle at Locosi
Locosi Coliseum plays home to mascot battle

Locosi claimed its first victim in the 33rd Minute with Brazillico pushing for the equaliser. Trevors took off up field as Junior Socrates launched a very long ball into the box. The Brazillico striker tried to steady himself to take off for a header, however, his foot jammed in the turf, causing for him to “blow out” his right knee. Trevors was in a great deal of pain and carted off the field after spending four minutes rolling around and screaming in pain. Sandro Cannon came off the Brazillico bench to replace him.

Trevors’ injury served as an undesired reminder of the dangers looming on the field at Locosi. Both teams played rather cautiously after that, opting to try to control ball possession and advising against diving tackles.

However, during the five minute injury time, Brazillico got a golden opportunity. On one of those brilliant passing plays that are evermore becoming characteristic of the Cannon twins, Alex and Sandro worked a fantastic give and go, culminating in a blast from Alex which was tipped just wide by a sprawling Murray White. White paid dearly for that save, clutching his hip as he got up.

On the ensuing penalty, Junior Socrates played on into the box towards Brazillico’s newest edition, Todd Pink. Pink struck it solidly with his head, forcing White to another save. However, Oglethorpia’s defence was lethargic to clear the ball and Sandro Cannon jumped all over the juicy rebound, pounding it into the yawning cage. The teams would go into the half all square at one.

During the half, both team’s mascots, James Oglethorpe of Oglethorpia and The Brazillicator from Brazillico, engaged in a fierce dance-off. Oglethorpe, a patriotic figure with a comically large head wowed the crowd in the early going with some spectacular moves. However, The Brazillicator, who can only be described as a giant green fuzz ball with a wacky yellow nose, retaliated with a stunning series of tumbles. The Brazillicator looked very sharp in his first match as Brazillico’s mascot, replacing Willy the Happy-Go-Lucky Chili Bat, who met his demise during the last episode of Rib’s Revenge. Oglethorpe, not to be outdone stunned the crowd with a sensational impersonation of Michael Jackson. Some in attendance said he went a bit too far when he tried to grope the waterboy. The Brazillicator was determined not to be vanquished in front of the home crowd, retaliating with a hussle that would have made even John Travolta proud.

Just as the crowd was really into it and both mascots appeared ready to share their finest moves with those in attendance, the music cut and Minister of Health, Pollo Gigas’ face appeared on the Supertron. “People of Brazillico!” exclaimed Gigas, “I was just watching Hardline, which was airing opposite to this match, and Consolidated Foods’ Soylent Oranges are only 99.64% evisceratomato free!”

The crowd looked around at each other, Soylent Oranges in hand, trying to figure out what the harm was in eating a product that only contained 1/300ths evisceratomato.

“That’s 0.12 percent lower than the allotted limit of 99.76% evisceratomato free,” continued Gigas, “There’s enough evisceratomato in there to make you go mad! Mad I tell you!”

The crowd began to boo wildly at the recent development that their beloved Soylent Oranges were not as free of evisceratomatoes as they claimed they were. Both mascots couldn’t have cared less, as James Oglethorpe walked off the pitch holding the mammoth head high and The Brazillicator swaggered off the field with both hands in the air. The Oglethorpian Wonderteam stormed back onto the pitch soon after. Those in attendance sour over the recent Soylent Orange development decided to direct their anger towards the nation which Consolidated Foods is housed in, pelting the Wonderteam with a barrage of Soylent Oranges.

Bedistan

01-03-2004, 03:23

The Midway Journal

Lions Score 200th Goal
Morlock makes history in Rejistania match

KAMARI KALI, REJISTANIA -- Though Bedistan's 2-2 draw with Rejistania wasn't quite enough for the Lions to clinch first place in the group, the mood was still quite jovial. Half an hour into the match, a Javier Lewey attack was abruptly cut short when Sen Ajil fouled him. The Lions received a penalty kick, and Yuba United striker Darren Morlock sent the ball past Jen I Y to equalize the score at 1-1. The true importance of that goal, though, is that it was the two-hundredth goal scored by the Bedistan Lions since their founding thirty years ago. A grand celebration was held in the visitors' locker room at Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati Stadium after the match to commemorate the goal.

The team is also approaching another milestone -- if they can score two goals in World Cup 12 proper, that will give them a total of 50 World Cup goals.

NEWI Cefn Druids

01-03-2004, 04:52

TV anchorman: “Hello, and welcome to the Druid Review on DruidSport, I’m Trevor Hinckley, and joining me tonight are Inter Dave manager Garth Davis and top Druid psychic Edna Thebald. Our subject: just how much of a state is Druid football in? Two successive World Cup Qualifying campaigns and a Cup of Harmony have seen the Druids finish bottom of every single table they’ve ever been in. Garth Davis – why?

GD: “Well, there has been a lot of bad luck go the Druids’ way. Numerous terrible referees, not just at international but also in the Champions League, combined with the way that the players just aren’t good enough.”

TH: “That seems a fair review. Have you anything to add, Edna?”

ET: “Only that I can see a woman in a far away land who could be the team’s saviour. She seems to be forlorn at the moment, as if she has seen better days. But these days could return sooner than she imagined.”

TH: “Have you any clues to who this woman could be?”

ET: “No, nothing…”

TH: “Ah well. Moving on…”

ET: “No, wait… I’m getting something… the letter M and the number 38 seem somewhat relevant, but how, I’m not so sure.”

TH: “Interesting. Moving on, we’ll first compare the Druids’ record in qualifying with some of the other lesser known nations of the world, I just though it would be interesting to see if either of you have been there, or even if you can find it on a map. Starting with Flacktania… *blank looks* …no, OK, Fenisia?”

GD: “Sorry Trevor.”

TH: “OK… Costa Lot?”

ET: “Oh, I know someone who went to Costa Lot on holiday. My friend, Anne. You’ll often find her in the Master Cooper, and she went there when their football team did, y’know, to play. Well, I say football team, more social club, but you know what I mean. Anyway, they weren’t joking when they named that place. Bad news is, though, that it’s an absolute rip off. Don’t go unless you have to. Or you’re on a freebie.”

TH: “OK, a few more… Rachakida... no… um, OPArsenal… never? OK” Oh, here’s one that’s got to hurt… the Druids are eleven places below Abysmalistan. Does that hurt?”

GD: “It hurts a lot, Trevor. I mean, the only team on the list below the Druids that I recognise are The Master Cooper, and that’s near enough in NEWI Cefn Druids, anyway. All in all, these are sad times for Druid football right across the board. But like I said, they haven’t had the best of luck at all, things haven’t balanced themselves out. For that reason, I can only see the Druids getting this luck in the future, maybe in the next two or three World Cups. Edna, have you any thought’s on how long it will be before the Druids qualify?”

ET: “About half an hour.”

TH: “But they don’t even get a chance for another four years?”

ET: “Oh. When you say it, what do you mean?”

TH: “Well… nothing, really. It’s just how you say it. All I mean is how long before they qualify?”

ET: “Oh, I thought you meant ‘it’ as in… you know…”

TH: “Actually, I haven’t got a clue. Have you, Garth?”

GD: “No.”

ET: “Well I can’t tell you what ‘it’ is, but I can tell you that it will happen half an hour before the Druids qualify for the World Cup.”

TH: “Have you any idea which world cup this could be?”

ET: “You’re pushing your luck now, mate…”

TH: “Oh, OK… well can you give any kind of indication as to when the Druids might win anything worthy of the name ‘a trophy’?”

ET: “Yes… that’ll be in thirty World Cups time.”

TH: “Thirty World Cups!?!?! So by WCXLII, you think that the Druids could actually win?”

ET: “That’s pretty much what I mean.”

TH: “Er… OK… well, I’m still unsure about what ‘it’ is that will happen half an hour before the Druids make it to the World Cup, even though we don’t know which cup ‘it’ will happen in. Well let’s leave it at that for now, shall we? Garth, Edna – thank you… we’ll be back after this break.”

BSE Free Bovines

01-03-2004, 06:52

OOC: It has been fun RPing with all of you. Hope to see a group 11 side in the finals. Good luck to all 30 teams who are moving on.

BOVINE TIMES

BOVINES DRAW WITH HOLY INDIA 1 - 1 IN BATTLE OF MASCOTS

HOLY INDIA

The Bovines finished their unsuccessful qualifying campaign today with a 1-all draw at Holy India. Aside from the players, the "Tea Bag" and some security personnel there were no local citizens in the stadium. The Bovines cheering section was composed of about 100 die hard fans and player family members who made the long trip to support their team.

In a surprise move, the Tea Bag appeared to have replaced the Holy Indian coaching staff. At the start of the match, the Tea Bag took a seat next to the Holy Indian reserves. He appeared to shout directions to the players on the pitch during the match. He also argued with the 4th official on the sidelines after some close calls by the officiating group. No confirmation of the Tea Bag's new status was available from the Holy Indian Football Association as they all seemed to have skipped the match.

Coach Galloway started all of his reserve players today. The lack of some key players, especially in the midfield and the very poor condition of the local pitch made for a sloppy start to the first half. The Bovines had problems controling the ball and attempting to set any sort of tempo. The Holy Indians seemed content to kick the ball as far away from their own end as possible. The Bovines managed a couple of good chances late in the half only to have the ball take a strange bounce from the many ruts on the pitch and roll harmlessly out of bounds. The halftime whistle was a relief for both teams and they went into the changing rooms with a scoreless draw.

At the start of the second half, Holy Indian coach Tea Bag had apparently seen enough from his side. Less than five minutes into the second stanza he ripped the jersey off one of the his substitutes and donned it himself as he entered the match. The Bovines protested the Tea Bag substitution as illegal, but the match was allowed to continue. The Tea Bag moved into the midfield playmaker position and started trying to rally his mates. His shuffling style of running (how else would a tea bag run) seemed well suited to controling the ball on the rutted pitch. The Bovines had trouble tackling him as the ball would disappear in the many folds of his kit and reappear again as he marched down the field.

Coach Galloway decided to fight fire with fire. He signalled for Horace to find a Bovine jersey and get into the match. Now it was mascot versus mascot. Horace turned out to be a pretty good defender. He used his extra large foam football boots to pry the ball away from the Tea Bag. His passing ability was a little questionable but he managed to move the ball out of danger. The Holy Indians finally got their scoring chance in the 69th minute when the Tea Bag was pulled down by a tough Horace challenge in the box. The referee pointed to the penalty spot without any hesitation, and booked Horace for his effort. The Tea Bag converted the PK without any trouble as the ball disappeared in his kit and reappered again to easily beat the confused Ankole.

The Bovines pushed forward into the Holy Indian half of the pitch for the remainder of the match. Their pressure paid off in the 83rd minute. The Bovines earned a corner and moved a large number of players into the Holy Indian area. Limousin took the corner and floated it into the box. The Holy Indian keeper missed the ball and allowed it to get to the far post where Horace and the Tea Bag were tangled up trying to get into the play. Horace out jumped the Tea Bag and struck the ball with one of his fake horns. The ball became impaled in the horn, and crossed the goal line as Horace and the Tea Bag tripped over each other and into the net. The referee allowed the goal to stand. Horace and the Tea Bag came to blows as they go up from the goal. Horace tried to gore the Tea Bag but the ball impaled in his horn prevented any damage to the Holy Indian. The Tea Bag seemed to land a couple of punches (it was hard to tell since the tea bag has no arms) before the two were separated. The two mascots were sent off for their conduct. The match ended on a 1 all draw.

01-03-2004, 08:51

Marie Law (ML): Welcome. I'm coming to you live from the House of Prayer, where the Warriors have just finished their qualification matches for WC XII. The Warriors found a positive note to conclude WC XII on as they upset Gesamtkuntswerk 2-1 behind the outstanding play of Thomas Larson and Kelly Carter. The two of them combined for both of the Warriors goals. Carter striking in the 44th minute on a cross from Larson, and Larson barely snuck the ball into the upper left corner of the net in the 90th minute for the match winner. Larson is with me today to discuss the match and the outlook for the future. Thomas, how important was this win to conclude qualifying?

Thomas Larson (TL): Qualifying at the end of qualifying would have been better, but winning is still a pretty good way to end the Cup. It gives us something to build on for WC XIII in four years.

ML: What is this team going to need to do between now and the start of WC XIII to become a legitimate threat to qualify?

TL: Work on staying focused on the match for the full 90 minutes, especially against the higher ranked teams. They don't give you any margin for error when you play them. Because once we start beating the top teams on a regular basis we'll be a legitimate threat.

ML: Why is it that you and Kelly have such good chemistry between you two?

TL: We grew up together, so we know what each other will do.

(Kelly starts walking by)

ML: Kelly! Come on over. (Kelly hesitates)

TL: Come on, Kelly. It's alright. (Kelly joins Thomas and Marie)

ML: Kelly, what is your take on today's match?

Kelly Carter (KC): Well, we got off to a slow start, but we eventually got it turned on and pulled it out.

ML: What do you think will be the most important part of registration for WC XIII for your team?

KC: Work on staying focused on the match for the full 90 minutes, especially against the higher ranked teams. They don't give you any margin for error when you play them. Because once we start beating the top teams on a regular basis we'll be a legitimate threat.

ML: You two really do work well together.

TL: Kelly, I have a question for you. (gets down on one knee) Will you marry me?

KC: :shock: YES!!!!! :D :D :D

ML: I don't think I need to say anything more than congratulations to Thomas and Kelly. Let's send it back to the studio.

Jennifer Johnson: Thank you, Marie for that excellent report. We in the studio also extend our congratulations to Thomas and Kelly on their engagement. For those of you who just tuned in, here's a recap...the Warriors upset Gesamtkuntswerk today at the House of Prayer 2-1 behind goals by Kelly Carter and Thomas Larson, who got engaged after the match. The Warriors are now looking ahead to WC XIII as their chance to prove to the rest of the world that they know how to play soccer. Good night everybody.

PRAYING2GOD 2 -Carter (44th minute from Larson, 4th of the Cup), Larson (90th minute from Carter, 5th of the Cup)

Gesamtkuntswerk 1 -<player> (13th minute)

Liverpool England

01-03-2004, 09:02

The World Cup Weekly - Matchday 14
The whole WCW staff at the three important matches (Liverpool England's, Zeronia's, Alex The Tall's) venues, more importantly Harvey Jacobsen in Lovisa and Decaltré Jomans in CCL Square (where the match was broadcast live) for Liverpool England's biggest win yet in qualification 3-0 over Lovisa

Ah, the fresh smell of 'qualification'. Or so we think. The team put in their all yesterday in an attempt to outdo Alex the Tall and Zeronia, who both also stood a chance of knocking Liverpool England out. But they didn't, as a supreme effort by the players ensured that the team would qualify for the third place playoffs.

The 26-man squad for qualification, which will be reduced to 24 for the two playoff legs and 22 for the final tournament/Cup of Harmony, were given their best regards by Sport Minister Marc Newells, and here are the major changes to the squad:

Playoffs:
Dominic Dirosa dropped (suspended for 2 more matches)
Kevin Lucas called up
Finals/CoH:
Dirosa re-called to squad, 3 others will go based on playoff results

And back to the match which was played on a bumpy pitch in Lovisa - the first goal temporarily made Cup history when a Steven Blackwell 40-yard screamer went in after just 11 seconds, a cup record until news filtered through that Dance 2 Revolution had scored against Big Butts after just nine seconds, which replays show went in after 10.066 seconds, compared to Blackwell's after 10.041 seconds. The FALE are pressing for Blackwell's goal to be added as a record.

Lovisa were stunned, and the crowd watching the match in CCL erupted into cheers. Two minutes later and the visitors were two goals to the good: Blackwell picked out Howard Christopher with a great 30-yard through ball which he slammed into the top corner of the net, leaving the keeper with no chance whatsoever.

The match suddenly went silent until right before half time, when Christopher managed to win a free kick on the edge of the box. Not happy, the referee moved the defenders back an additional yard. Blackwell curled the ball in low and hard to seal the match.

Lovisa "The European Champions" 0 Liverpool England 3 (Blackwell 1, 45+3; Christopher 3)

Iansisle

01-03-2004, 10:09

From the Veritas Vigil:

To the Ians: Man, You Guys Suck!

VERITAS, EFFITIA -- What a bunch of pathetic, utterly useless, incompetent, unskilled losers! By Ibrahaim’s breath, I swear that I haven’t seen such a team of futile nimrods since the last time I visited your parliament building!

“This is Ian’s Year,” you all said before the season started. “We’ll qualify for sure!” was heard in pubs throughout your pathetic Commonwealth.

And you bloody well should have! Second ranked team in your group, playing against only two really decent veteran sides, and you blew it. Come on, how’d you actually manage to not qualify ranked 20th?

I swear, you play the worst football I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Half the time, it wasn’t even worth telling your public about - hell, was there even a football report for the last half of qualification? Pathetic!

Copplestone? Your big weapon, right? The ultimate offensive machine? Give him fifteen minutes in an Effitian training camp, and we’d have him crying like a little baby! Give us twenty, and he’d be running as fast as he could - away from the entire sport of football!

Truman? The young gun, right? The one upon whom all your future hopes and dreams rely? How many goals did he score this qualifying? One, maybe? Didn’t the immortal Brian Parks and his amazing reconstructed knees generate more offense?

And speaking of Parks, is that guy going to die yet? He’s - what? - 40 now? Face it, he can’t keep pulling your fat out of the fryer forever.

That brings me to the defense, which is just as sad a story as the other side of the pitch. Conrad Brandt, the hollywack. That idiot is your star defenseman? Dear Lord - you’d be better off with a cardboard cutout in the backfield! Honestly, that second-rate twerp would be the last chosen in any Effitian pick-up game!

Not that it really matters: any ball that dribbles far enough to be near the goal makes it in! Where’d you find that idiot in goal - Answorth - anyway? A supermarket sale for has-beens and never-weres?

Well, I’ve got to stop writing before I break a stitch in my side laughing at your impotence, and how seriously y’all take your feeble efforts. Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Hey, Westmore, I’ve a message for you and your whole team:

You suck!

((ooc: In other words, I’m so ashamed of how little I roleplayed over the second half of qualifying, I decided to make an entire post mocking my team ;).))

Audioslavia

01-03-2004, 11:54

((ooc: In other words, I’m so ashamed of how little I roleplayed over the second half of qualifying, I decided to make an entire post mocking my team ;).))

i have TnUI to do that for me :)

FUCKING FORUMS

i'll re-write this later :/

[code:1:388d9ac2bd]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
U East Spaam 14 9 1 4 23 12 11 28
U Audioslavia 14 7 4 3 26 15 11 25
3 EL CID THE HERO 14 7 2 5 20 17 3 23
D Eaglet 14 5 4 5 19 18 1 19
D Iansisle 14 5 3 6 17 14 3 18
D Gaddland 14 5 3 6 16 19 -3 18
D James A Hollar 14 4 2 8 11 25 -14 14
D Abysmalistan 14 4 1 9 14 26 -12 13 [/code:1:388d9ac2bd]

Kaze Progressa

01-03-2004, 18:17

PLAYOFF DRAW

Liverpool England v Cockbill Street
Timway v The Eagles Nest
Creedence Clearwater v Belmorian Scandinavia
Tanah Burung v Big Butts
Kerla v One Red Dot
Aquilla v EL CID THE HERO

(fixtures reversed for second leg)

Commerce Heights

01-03-2004, 18:51

New RP Bonus Machine At National Stadium, Bulldogs Win 4-0 Over The Master Cooper
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Bulldogs, playing under the influence of a new, fully functional RP bonus, managed a surprisingly large win over The Master Cooper which, combined with Gesamtkuntswerk's loss, brought the Bulldogs to the top of the group at the end of qualifying for the first time ever. The machine, finally transported to Commerce Heights by an armored dirigible based on the design used by the Baetican Grand Airmada, was reinforced specifically to prevent the damage caused during the match against Gesamtkuntswerk and any further damage that might have been caused when the stadium, along with the rest of the nation, moved to Terranordalis. Before the start of the match, some fans from The Master Cooper were caught dangerously close to the RP bonus machine, and were told by stadium security that such proximity could not be allowed that soon before the nation would be transported to Terranordalis. They tried to do something to the machine anyway, but it seemed to have little benefit for The Master Cooper's players during the match. Coach Noel Hicks made an unusual choice of players to start the match, substituting one of the starting defenders (no one could tell who) for backup defender Alan Belmore, finally released from his investigation by the WCC. Belmore became the first defender ever to score for the Bulldogs, using his name and reputation (or lack thereof) to score a hat-trick, with goals in the 7th, 18th, 39th, and 71st minutes. However, Belmore's effort was a bit too much, and he collapsed on the field in the 81st minute (he is currently in serious condition). The medical staff soon realized that his collapse was no accident, as a delay in the game's start time had caused the last 9 minutes of the game to occur while the nation was in transport to Terranordalis. Research into the cause of Belmorian response to national transport is underway at the University of New Manhattan at Commerce Heights, and is currently in the earliest stages. The transport of the nation caused many players on both sides to become uneasy, and, after the game had ended, it caused those that had come from The Master Cooper and other nations to wait for nearly 16 hours before they could return to their homes.
Final score:
Commerce Heights 4 (A. Belmore #n+1 7, 18, 39, 71)*
The Master Cooper 0 - FT

*n is equal to ∫ f(x) ∂x.

Cockbill Street

01-03-2004, 19:03

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

The draw for the play-off for the twelfth Football World Cup will be made today, and the C-mail has a special edition featuring all the possible opponents for Cockbill Street:

Defari
WCXII qualifying record: 9-2-3, GD 30-20
Last three games: 1-2 Warnocks Wizards (H), 2-1 Snub Nose 38 (A), 3-1 Hash n Beans (A)
Ranking before WCXII: 52

Defari is quite a large surprise in this World Cup, but can not be said to have progressed through an easy group. More the cause of their success is the fact that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, a famous team, played in their group and got mauled. The Defarians should be one of the easier teams in this play-off.

One Red Dot
WCXII qualifying record: 8-4-2, GD 27-11
Last three games: 2-1 Grand Master Mark (H), 5-1 The Master Cooper (A), 1-0 Praying2God (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 11

One Red Dot have a very easily recognisable flag - yes, you guessed it, a red dot. They have a well established history, reaching the final of the tenth World Cup eight years ago on home soil, and they would be a considerable opponent for Cockbill Street.

Kerla
WCXII qualifying record: 8-1-5, GD 26-19
Last three games: 3-1 Avenging Altos (H), 4-3 Santwa (A), 1-0 Bedistan (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 38

A surprise entrant for WCXI, the shy Kerlans made their way into Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards from rank 73. Once there, however, their luck ran out and they got knocked out at the group stage, although they didn't do badly and ended up with four points after beating the Runaway Moose. The Kerlan government actually acknowledged that they had some footballers - a good step for football in Kerla.

Aquilla
WCXII qualifying record: 7-4-3, GD 24-17
Last three games: 2-2 Indigo Islands (H), 3-2 The Lowland Clans (A), 4-1 Nikea (A)
Ranking before WCXII: 6

The Aquillans have a certain "reputation" in the sporting community. They have been very shy in recent years, and when they have reared their heads at World Cup qualifying matches etc., their message has usually been in an uninterpretable language known best as l337, and generally about the ownership of the rest of the world.

Tanah Burung
WCXII qualifying record: 7-3-4, GD 21-18
Last three games: 1-1 The Redavic Union (A), 1-2 True Yorkshire (H), 3-1 NEWI Cefn Druids (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 26

Tanah Burung is one of the oldest members of the World Cup, and one which most people expect to see there year after year. However, the recent Cups have seen a decline for the old nation, and given their recent results, it is not impossible for Cockbill Street to beat them.

The Eagles Nest
WCXII qualifying record: 6-5-3, GD 19-10
Last three games: 1-2 Spaam (H), 0-0 Oglethorpia (A), 1-1 BSE Free Bovines (A)
Ranking before WCXII: 131

The Eagles Nest is one of the major surprises of this qualifying. Boosted by their recent injection of "RP-inin", a hugely controversial substance that could possibly overturn the whole balance of the World Cup, the Nest have fought their way to a play-off spot, and could be a major opponent for Cockbill Street. However, their ranking suggests otherwise...

Liverpool England
WCXII qualifying record: 6-5-3, GD 16-11
Last three games: 3-0 Lovisa (A), 1-1 Garrard (H), 1-1 The Belmore Family (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 18

Liverpool England is another classic nation who have fallen from the heights of late. The Liverpudlians take a keen interest in sports, especially football, and are always fiercely rooting for their team. A dangerous opponent, and it is rumoured that they have some special reserves of RP-inin as well.

Creedence Clearwater
WCXII qualifying record: 7-2-5, GD 23-19
Last three games: 2-0 Giant Zucchini (A), 2-1 Eauz (H), 0-1 Mattigool (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 82

Creedence Clearwater, based in the same region as qualifying opponents Newcuba, have surprised many in this tournament. Especially their late win over Giant Zucchini, the one which sent Eauz out of the tournament, was amazing. However, they have been up and down in the qualifying campaign, and there are doubts about their consistency. An interesting opponent.

EL CID THE HERO
WCXII qualifying record: 7-2-5, GD 20-17
Last three games: 2-1 Eaglet (A), 2-1 Gaddland (H), 2-1 East Spaam (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 72

EL CID THE HERO, one of the few nations in the world who insist on speaking in CAPITALS ONLY. This results in some decidedly funny incidents. Signs in EL CID THE HERO are printed in lowercase, naturally, and writing in lowercase on local IRC channels is frowned upon. As a result, CIDians are regarded as a little strange by outsiders, and a trip to EL CID THE HERO would certainly be an interesting experience.

Belmorian Scandinavia
WCXII qualifying record: 6-3-5, GD 22-18
Last three games: 4-1 NASTIC 2 (A), 1-1 Fenisia (H), 2-2 Candombe (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 43

Ranking neighbours of Cockbill Street, the Scandinavians have been a prominent member of FIFA for a number of years. However, they have been much more shy than their close ally The Belmore Family, and hence has been less renowned for spelling mistakes.

Big Butts
WCXII qualifying record: 5-5-4, GD 19-20
Last three games: 1-1 Dance2Revolution (A), 2-0 Flacktania (H), 1-1 Nadeer (H)
Ranking before WCXII: 55

Big Butts is an ally of Halfassedstates, famous for several amusing reports made by the local newspapers. They treated the football team as a student - a particularly worrisome one, given their WCX campaign. However, Big Butts have improved, and are a contender for one of the six spots left in Kaze Progressa/Lemmitania.

Cockbill Street
WCXII qualifying record: 9-1-4, GD 25-16
Last three games: 2-0 Telewest (A), 4-2 Newcuba (H), 1-2 Total n Utter Insanity (A)
Ranking before WCXII: 42

And at last, we come to the Streeters. Perhaps not the most fervent users of RP-inin, but a good team nevertheless. However, their dependency on the Axewielder dwarves and on a C-mail reporter might cost them a spot in the World Cup finals - and who knows, maybe some of the weird luck that has hit the handball team might be transmitted to the footballers?

Extra late edition (OOC: I was ten countries into this when the draw was posted. I refuse to give this idea up) - Official Draw Comment By National Coach:

"Liverpool England are a strong team, but I honestly think we have a good chance of beating them. We have the advantage of playing at home in the second leg, meaning that we know how many goals we have to win by. Obviously it will be a tough task - possibly the toughest the team has ever experienced - but I'm confident that our blokes can get to Kaze Progressa and Lemmitania. And once in the land of the lemmings, anything could happen!"

More OOC: How did Timway get a play-off schedule? They were second in Group 2, compared to Defari who were 3rd...

Cockbill Street

01-03-2004, 19:03

Go for the double this year!

The Eagles Nest

01-03-2004, 19:21

Confusion Reigns Supreme in Eagle's Nest

Playoff Opponent listed is an automatic qualifyer

The Eagle's Nest has been listed to play Timway, who came in 2nd in Group 3, as their playoff team. However, the third team, Defari, is not listed in the playoff rounds.

The Minister of Sports is contacting the WCC to confirm or correct this pairing.

Game times will be set as soon as we know where we are going to play. The first game is away, which bodes well for the reconstruction of Silver Flame Stadium after the RP machine explosion during the Spaam game.

Snub Nose 38

01-03-2004, 20:03

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department
Defari
WCXII qualifying record: 9-2-3, GD 30-20
Last three games: 1-2 Warnocks Wizards (H), 2-1 Snub Nose 38 (A), 3-1 Hash n Beans (A)
Ranking before WCXII: 52

Defari is quite a large surprise in this World Cup, but can not be said to have progressed through an easy group. More the cause of their success is the fact that the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, a famous team, played in their group and got mauled. The Defarians should be one of the easier teams in this play-off.When the Overseas Edition of the Ankh-Morpork C-mail hit the streets in The Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, consternation over these two paragraphs brought the Nation to a standstill.

Should the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages point out to the Cockbill Street national football side that it was in large part due to the excellent play of the tough and talented Defari team that the Hooligans find themselves relaxing at home preparing to watch World Cup 12 on TV?

Or, should the entire Nation of Snub Nose 38 just snicker, and mumble amongst themselves something about, "Just wait till them Streeters meet Defari on the pitch - they'll see then."

After 16 hours of the nation debating this issue, to the exclusion of everything else, some folks noticed they were hungry. So a decision was taken to go out for burgers, and send a note to the Cockbill Street Department of Sports.

Which we just did.

:wink:

Kaze Progressa

01-03-2004, 20:58

Edit: You're right, it's Defari and not Timway. I used an MD13 table for that group :$

Oglethorpia

02-03-2004, 04:40

THE EMERALD HEIGHTS TIMES

[cont.] <<page 3>>

BRAZILLICO (EHT) -- With the Soylent Orange pelting prior to halftime, Oglethorpia once again took the field again to attempt and gain a lead over Brazillico once again, the match at the moment 1-all. Things started for Oglethorpia early in the 53rd minute, Kirk Calhoun once again leading a prospetive goal on Brazillican keeper Salazar in the box. Just as Calhoun approached the edge of the box, the aging striker's legs were cut out from beneath him and Calhoun fell to the ground. On top of this, Real Libertad defender Batista fell on the crippled striker's tackled ankles -- after his injures, Kirk Calhoun was taken out of the game to be replaced by Jack Brown, suffering from "chronic turf toe" and a broken ankle.

The 60th saw an Oglethorpian equalizer off of a Torrence Black laser beam into the upper-right corner of the box. From midfield the Wonderteam stringed together a beautiful sequence of passes -- Jorge White took the ball up field with great finesse, and sending it to Torrence in the box, the veteran-Wonderteam defender let loose putting the ball squarely into the upper corner past Salazar to earn Oglethorpia a 2-1 lead in the 60th minute.

The Eagles Nest

02-03-2004, 14:55

Tickets on Sale for Playoff Round

The Ministry of Sports has confirmed that tickets to both the home and away legs of the match with Defari, (not Timway as previously reported) are on sale now. Fans going to the first match at Defari today are advised to leave now and get there soon.

The home match against Defari will kick off at 7 pm. Engineers say that the hole caused by the RP machine explosion will be filled up, and except for the difference in sod in that area, no one will see any difference. A brand new RP-Deluxe72000 arrived today and is being installed. The safety rating is as the makers say "Spaam-proof." If the Nest and Spaam play again at Siver Flame Stadium, there will not be a repeat of the previous incident. Reports say that Spaam player Luin has been upgraded from critical to serious. It was first thought that she had broken a vertebrae or two on her fall, but it appears her light weight actually allowed her to not fall as fast as air resistance had a much better effect on slowing her fall. Her offical injuries are reported to be a strained neck, and a sprained ankle. The doctors are still holding her for observation in case she begins to bleed internally. If all goes well, she would be available for Spaam's first match in the World Cup.

02-03-2004, 15:11

Occ: sorry folks - aint had time recently and have been concentrating on HAS. Anyone want a nation? Think i'll have to give up on BB, so if anyone wants to take over, TG me with a good reason - best wins a semi-decent footballing nation - Btw BB isn't in WC13 yet either!

IC:
Wandering Close Comprehensive report

[code:1:cd43cf489f]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
U Kingsford 14 12 1 1 36 10 26 37
U New Montreal States 14 7 3 4 26 11 15 24
3 Dennisov 14 7 2 5 16 11 5 23
D Big Butts 14 5 5 4 19 20 -1 20
D Dance 2 Revolution 14 5 4 5 17 21 -4 19
D Anti-Nazis 14 4 3 7 15 27 -12 15
D Flacktania 14 1 7 6 12 21 -9 10
D Nadeer 14 1 3 10 9 29 -20 6
[/code:1:cd43cf489f]

Final grade: C+
Performance in class: 7/10
Effort in class: 2/10

Teachers comments: Big has greatly improved on previous years performances in class tests, and his marks show that. However, Big does seem to have a major problem with complacincy. Personally I feel he could do much better if he put some more effort into his studies.

Headmasters Remarks: We are thrilled that Big seems to have settled down after his early troubles at the school. Clearly he has a lot of potential that could be developed, however there is a worry that Big is relying too much on his natural ability. While it can clearly take him far, with a bit of effort on Bigs part, he could easily be top of the class. It just depends on whether he wants to go there!

02-03-2004, 15:38

*We are walking the dog and as usual, we pass the Wandering Close Comprehensive school. A spotty kid is sitting on a bench talking into his mobile.*
Hi mum.
- ............
I'm fine, hows things at home?
- ..........,..............,......!
Oh! Thats great mum!
- .........?
Well, I was supposed to be coming home tomorrow, but one of the kids is missing! It's been on the news and stuff
- .....! .............?
No, no I'm fine mum. But the kid thats missing Norma-May States, she was in my class!
- ...........!
No, no we are all well, the police have just asked us when we last seen her and stuff!
- ......!?!
They aren't blaming us, its just that she was supposed to be going to the summer school, and since shes dissappeared, the are sending the next kid Dennis. So they have been asking him a load of questions.
- ........?
Well, Dennis was meant to be going into a lucky dip to see who would be the extra kids to go! (they messed up the numbers or something, so they needed a few more, and the teachers weren't really sure who to send!)
- ......? ........?
As Dennis is going straight to the summer school, it means there is an extra space in the draw, and I got entered into that instead of him!
- ............? ...?
Yes me mum! I could be going to the WC Finishing school!
- !!!!!!!
It just means that I have to stay here for a few more days before I find out how things will be worked out!
- ..,...! .......!
Thanks mum. Love ya too.

*The kid hangs up as we walk on by. He looks up and there is a faint recognition and a slight look of concern. We walk on - feeling slightly worried. Why did he look so familiar?

We are round the corner before it hits, Last Saturday night as we took the dog out for a stroll, we remember looking across the school playground and seeing two kids running out of the woods and into the back of the school dorms. Nah - it was dark, might not have been the same kid, and they were probably just out sneaking a drink or something it wouldn't have been anything more sinister. Would it? We decide to stop at the pub on the way home!*

Squornshelous

02-03-2004, 16:19

Squornshelous Ends Qualifying with a Draw
Squornshelous wrapped up the qualifying round with a 1-1 draw versus Matigool. The game was meaningless to Squornshelous, as we were already qualified, but Matigool fought like demons for their slim chance at qualifying. Squornshelous' goal was scored by the ridiculously talented Koren Jackson. He made a beautiful crossover move that left the defending Gool flat on the dirt, he then dribbled in and slammed a shot home from 10 yards.

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 9
Knorr: 5
Richards: 5
Pavon: 2
Rivera: 2
Brooks: 1

Group 7 Final Standings
[code:1:84ca9ca3a0]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Q Giant Zucchini 14 10 1 3 31 12 19 31
Q Squornshelous 14 7 4 3 24 14 10 25
3 Creedence Clearwater 14 7 2 5 23 19 4 23
E Eauz 14 6 4 4 21 13 8 22
E Mattigool 14 5 4 5 17 16 1 19
E AlanShearer 14 3 6 5 14 22 -8 15
E Rinkeby 14 3 1 10 11 27 -16 10
E Valient 14 2 4 8 11 29 -18 10
[/code:1:84ca9ca3a0]

Giant Zucchini and Squornshelous qualify.

Creedence Clearwater will enter the 3rd place playoff.

Audioslavia

02-03-2004, 17:02

The Trouble With 'Slave
Malcom McVities' critical insight into Audioslavian football

Can Audioslavia really lay claim to being a superpower

The 'slaves went into this qualifying tournament with the NSWCC officially branding them the fourth best side in the world. With a line-up mainly consisting of the WC11 survivors and the cream of the AFA Premiership's crop, we were expecting big things from the team this time round, especially as the 'slaves were drawn in probably the easiest of ten groups.

Things started well enough with a 2-0 away win over El Cid The Hero, a point away to Iansisle and an emphatic 4-0 victory over Abysmalistan, but from there, bar the odd win over the odd tiny nation, things started going downhill.

For this reporter, Audioslavia 0-1 East Spaam was an important result, and a sign that Audioslavia simply cant 'cut it' at the top. A 2-1 defeat to Eaglet two weeks later would go on to back me up. East Spaam and Eaglet are puppet nations of two very average footballing nations. Spaam have failed to make the last two world cups and their glory days (one final appearance) are well and truly over, whereas Aquilla only qualify for major tournaments sporadically and have never made any sort of impact on a sporting tournament. Its interesting to note that, in the twelve matches Audioslavia have played against teams representing the Spaamanian or Aquillan nations, they have only emerged victorious twice.

[code:1:a87f2b8e93]
Audioslavia's record against Spaamanian/Aquillan nations

Vs Spaamanians
Audioslavia 0-3 Spaam
Audioslavia 0-1 East Spaam
Audioslavia 2-0 Spaam
Audioslavia 2-0 East Spaam
Audioslavia 0-1 Spaam

Vs Aquillans
Audioslavia 0-1 Aquilla
Audioslavia 0-0 Aquilla
Audioslavia 0-2 Aquilla
Audioslavia 1-1 Aquilla
Audioslavia 1-2 Eaglet
Audioslavia 0-0 Eaglet

P W D L F A
12 2 4 6 6 11
[/code:1:a87f2b8e93]

This awful form against average nations points to one fact: Audioslavia cant cut it against the big boys. With the exception of the team's gutsy performance WC11, Audioslavia have an awful record when it comes to playing big teams; their failure to beat Lemmitania in four encounters is just one example of this.

But thats history, what this reporer is trying to find out is: Is this Audioslavia team actually any good?

The 22 players who donned the Claret and Green stripes for Audioslavia in World Cup 11 made the best team Audioslavia had ever had for a world cup, but after the TnUISyndrome plague which wiped out a number of players, the AFA had to revamp the team to stay competitive. While the AFA may claim that qualification for WC12 shows they can compete, i'd have to disagree.

Audioslavia's qualification for World Cup 12 was, quite frankly, a result of easy wins against nothing nations. With the exception of a 1-0 home win over Iansisle, the 'slaves failed to defeat any of the established footballing nations... but why was that? Lets look at the team.

The backbone of the Audioslavian team is still in tact. Pedder is the mainstay in goal, Branson is everpresent in defence, and Nicky Shearer is still the midfield general. However, it has to be said that some of the other players arent up to scratch. Heres a select few:

Iain Maidens
Iain can only seem to score after about five oppotunities. He doesnt usually get two opportunities per game, largely thanks to...

David Mill
The winger who's forgotten how to run. 8 years ago, David made some inspired performances when he came off the subs bench. However, now that he's required to actually put his back into a game for the whole 90 minutes, a lot has changed. David doesnt seem to be able to keep up the pace for the full ninety, despite being in his prime at 29 years of age.

Sean Flitcroft, James Reid and Aaron O`Hara
This is an Audioslavian defence? This is the stubborn, unmoving, great wall of Audioslavia? Lee Branson has had his work cut out for him leading this back-line. Two Sub-par performances against Gaddland and East Spaam led the Audioslavian manager to make some big changes towards the end of the campaign, bringing in...

Miles McEwan
...for the return game against East Spaam. After making an error in the opening minute and running round like a headless chicken for most of the 2-1 defeat, one has to wonder what the country of Audioslavia has done to deserve this man.

<more later>

Audioslavia

02-03-2004, 17:02

and-a-one

Audioslavia

02-03-2004, 17:02

and-a-two

Audioslavia

02-03-2004, 17:02

and-a-one two three four!

Giant Zucchini

03-03-2004, 05:16

The Green Mile:
Episode 14: A Case of Identity

A familiar looking zucchini is on the phone. A hostage is tied to a chair with a rope.

Zucchini: Hello…yeah, sir, we got the Belmore fella. Yeah it’s the right one.

The zucchini fumbles about his pocket and takes out a photo.

http://www.ybfree.com/ANGELICA.gif

He compares it with the hostage.

Zucchini: Yeah, looks exactly like him, sir. Yeah, we followed the instructions sir, we went into the woods and followed the map. Yeah, we saw this stone building, we ran into it from the woods, yeah we followed instructions exactly as you told us sir. Yeah, we blacked out the place before we drilled the hole, sir. They won’t know it was us sir, we took all the precautions sir. Yeah, we dumped the hearse off the pier sir. Yeah, but sir, I think this is even deeper than we thought sir. They may be making some kind of weapon sir. Yeah, maybe even WMD, but he won’t confess sir. Yeah, I’m sure. They had all these labs with all these chemicals. Yeah they even have a workshop. You know what’s worse, sir? I think they’re using child labour…

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush

03-03-2004, 06:00

OOC- I know this isn't a completely original idea, but I think you guys may get a kick (no pun intended) out of the spin I put on it.

WARRIORS BEATEN BY A SPECK OF DUST

That’s right folks, you’re not seeing things. The Warriors actually were beaten by A Speck of Dust 0-3 yesterday before 300 people in a friendly match played at the House of Prayer. The Warriors were playing their starting 11 from WC XII for the friendly. The Warriors players thought that this match was a ridiculous idea and most of them simply refused to put any effort into the match. A Speck of Dust first scored in the 41st minute when midfielder Joseph King sat down to rest and defenseman Maria Campbell kicked the ball off of the back of his head causing the ball to bounce into the Warriors’ goal. Then in the 74th minute, defenseman Noah Bell slipped and fell down on the muddy field, and as he was falling he accidently kicked the ball backwards and into the net. Then to top it all off, in the 88th minute Kevin Anderson tripped over a speck of dust and the ball rolled into the net for A Speck of Dust’s third goal of the game. The crowd was continuously booing the Warriors after A Speck of Dust took the lead, and the boos only grew louder as they game neared its conclusion.

Praying2God 0
A Speck of Dust 3 -a speck of dust (41st, 74th, 88th minutes)

One Red Dot

03-03-2004, 11:15

The Red Dot Informant

Third Place, Second Chance, One Hope

Although the One Red Dot Wolves earned five straight wins, it was still insufficient to automatically qualify. One Red Dot is to play against Kerla in the 3rd-placers qualifier matches where only 6 of the 12 nations can qualify to the next round.

Brazillico

03-03-2004, 13:58

The Emerald Heights Times

[cont.] <<Page 4>>

In the 69th Minute, James Oglethorpe made a derogatory sign towards the Brazillicator, which the giant green fuzz ball did not take too kindly to. “You’re dead, Ogly!” shouted The Brazillicator, as he and James Oglethorpe stormed onto the pitch and dropped their mascot gloves at centre field. The Brazillicator started off with the upper hand, landing some quality rights to Oglethorpe’s head. However, Oglethorpe crawled back into it thanks to some solid head butts. The scrap was on for at least thirty seconds before the biggest surprise thus far of the group awaited them.

The Holy India Tea Bag, cinged and patched-up, jumped down from the crowd and ran towards the pitch. The Tea Bag got within 10 yards of the scrapping mascot pair before tripping over his own feet and landing flat on his face. The Holy India Tea Bag was definitely on a mission, as he neglected the blood trickling down his nose and got back on his feet, proceeding to assault James Oglethorpe.

Then, another shocker, as Horace the BSE Free Bovine came running out the tunnel towards The Brazillicator with a 16 oz. steak in hand. Some say that Horace actually had a bone to pick with the Holy India Tea Bag after a previous altercation the day before, but since both Holy India and Brazillico’s mascots were in the same general direction and Horace could not be joined for comment, we cannot be sure. Sadly, we may never know, since before he could even reach the touch line, Horace spotted the masses of purple jersey wearers in attendance, causing him to fall on his back and start convulsing wildly.

Back at centre field, James Oglethorpe was having his way with the Holy India Tea Bag, hammering him repeatedly with his colossal head. Both teams had congregated around the brawl and both sides seemed to be hoping for a Holy India pounding. Without Oglethorpe to fight, The Brazillicator seized the opportunity and passed the live ball to Alex Cannon, who had slipped behind the Oglethorpian defense. None of the Oglethorpians seemed to notice or even care for that matter that Alex Cannon scored his 11th of the qualifying campaign. All eyes on the Wonderteam were fixed on Oglethorpe beating the stuffing out of the Holy India Tea Bag.

Referees finally were able to separate Oglethorpe from the Holy India Tea Bag. Oglethorpe pranced around and lifted his arms in victory as he was escorted to the “box”, Brazillican slang for Drunk Tank. The Brazillicator also received a match penalty and a stint in the box, along with an assist on the Alex Cannon goal.

The scrap provided players with a welcome breather and a definite boost to their morale, as they stormed back onto the pitch with renewed drive. Oglethorpia got the first quality chance after the “Mascot Melee”, as Fernando Green played a good ball into Torrance Black, who met it with a stealthy shot, but Brazillican keeper Robinho was equal to the challenge.

The momentum of the game would yoyo back and forth until the end of the match, both teams running up and down the pitch and forcing both goaltenders to put their best foot forward. Although nothing but pride was at stake at this match, these teams were putting on one hell of a show.

In the 82nd minute, Torrance Black got another crack on goal, which he put just wide of the net. After Robinho cleared the goal kick long, Todd Pink headed it up field to Junior Socrates, who controlled the ball and passed it across to Sandro Cannon. Cannon wound up for a shot but was stymied by a diving Samson Grey, who cleanly batted the ball away from the young attacker.

It appeared as though this track meet would end in a 2-2 draw, until Tobias Cannon played a ball to Alex Cannon in injury time. Upon reception of the pass, Cannon made a spectacular juke, laying Samson Grey flat on his ass. Brazillican fans argued it was from the sheer magnificence of the shimmy, while Oglethorpians believed that Grey’s heel got caught in the sub-par playing field, but nonetheless, Alex Cannon found himself with no one but the keeper to beat. Murray White charged out of net and Cannon struck one hard to the right of him, forcing White to make perhaps his finest save of the match. The ball stayed in play with Cannon and Mike Brown involved in a foot race for it. Alex Cannon hurled himself towards the ball, kicking it towards net and beating a sprawling Murray White. However, fortune was with the Oglethorpian side, as the ball hit the inside of the goalpost, allowing a slightly embarrassed Samson Grey to collect the ball and clear it towards midfield. The final whistle blew while the ball was in the air, marking the end of a marvellous match, resulting in a 2-2 draw.

Brazillico 2
S. Cannon (4) 45
A. Cannon (11) 70

Oglethorpia 2
K. Calhoun (?) 24
T. Black (??) 60

Injury Report
A. Trevors(BZ) -- Knee
K. Calhoun(OG) -- Turf Toe, Broken Ankle
Holy India Tea Bag -- Concussion
Horace the BSE Free Bovine -- Seizure
S. Grey(OG) -- Bruised Ego

Rejistania

03-03-2004, 14:06

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

The opponents were better
The qualification campaign for the former world-champion Brazillico ended rather disencouraging at the 4th place of the table, 1 place away from the last qualificaion spot. The KaMaRi-Update, in it's attempts to give an insight into the soccer outside of our borders, interviewed the famous brazillican striker Alex Cannon. Neija Redaya is for us in Brazillico.

Neija Redaya: Hello, Mr. Cannon.
Alex Cannon: Hello Miss Reda... hello Madam.
NR: Re-da-y-a, it's a bit complicated. *smiles* What is your impression of this qualification campaign of Brazillico?
Cannon: We didn't qualify, we didn't get the deciding points and even a new team like The Eagles Nest finished above us. It was bad.
NR: What were the reason for this failure to qualify?
Cannon: The opponents were better. The civil war is surely one of the reasons, many people were killed.
NR: Will Brazillico play in the Cup of Harmony?
Cannon: Until now it isn't even clear if the cup will take place and if, where.
NR: There are rumours that The Eagles Nest and Abysmalistan are candidates for the hosting of the cup.
Cannon: I won't speculate here.
NR: Okay, another topic, you were already called the new 'Alan Belmore', what do you think about this comparism?
Cannon: Sorry, who is this Alan Belmore?
NR: Alan Belmore? He was one of the most famous players in the last cups. Currently he coaches The Belmore Family.
Cannon: Sorry, this names don't say anything to me. What family is that?
NR: The Belmore Family is not a family but a nation in the region of FIFA. (short pause) What are your interests besides soccer?
Cannon: Besides soccer? Well, training takes very much time. I don't have such a thing like 'free-time'.
NR: You want to say that your entire life is about soccer?
Cannon: The life of every professional is. Or do you know any good professional player, who has other priorities in his life?
NR: Xeseja Su is perhaps an example for the opposite, he plays for the amateur team in the first rejistanian league and also for the national team of Rejistania, but his job, his wife and his little son are also very important to him.
Cannon: This can't be true, Steve always told me.... Please excuse me! (leaves in a hurry)

OOC: In case you wonder: I TGed it Braz first and he accepted it.

03-03-2004, 14:48

Hello there mr hippie. i just wanted to say to you do not have a life as in get one

03-03-2004, 14:48

Hello there mr hippie. i just wanted to say to you do not have a life as in get one

Halfassedstates

03-03-2004, 16:08

Sowhatsville News

They've done it again!

Well, another qualifying campaign finished for Halfassed with a 5-1 thumping of the NEWI Cefn Druids. The victory was sweet for a couple of reasons, firstly it gave Halfassed revenge for the 1-0 defeat the Druids inflicted earlier in the campaign that almost cost Smith his job. Secondly, Svecia's surprising defeat by Sterling Ice meant that Halfassed was able to leap frog them to the top of the table at the one time it matters - the final day! While it matters little in the overall scheme of things, it will further help those trying to convince Halfassed citizens that the Svecia curse is lifted!

The draw for the finals themselves will be taking place shortly after the third place play-offs decide who will be the final 6 sides to make it to WC12, team coach Jarvis Smith said, "There are no teams that we particularly want to avoid, and there are no teams that we really want to play against, we will just take it as it comes, and hope we can extend the winning streak that got us to the finals!"

Halfassed scorers:
Sherwood 10
Ducks + Gregg 6 each
Marks 4
Soap 3
Perfect 2.

The Eagles Nest

04-03-2004, 01:40

Strike Birds In Hole

Timway Beats Eagle's Nest 2-1 in First Playoff Leg

The Eagle's Nest was handed a setback today in their quest to qualify for WCXII as they lost in Timway 2-1. The playoff match will be in the newly refilled and revitalized Silver Flame Arena to complete the second leg of the playoff tomorrow.

The game started off badly as striker Josh Adams was flagged with a yellow card 4 minutes in on a badly played tackle, and kept his normal agressiveness subdued for most of the match. 15 minutes later, a Timway striker was able to beat keeper Nathan Adams to make it 1-0.

In extra time for the first half, a inadvertant handball in the box gave the Nest a penalty kick, and J. Adams struck it home top shelf to equalize it 1-1 going in at halftime.

During halftime, a preview video of the World Cup venues was shown on the large screen with the reminder that all fans would need to get bicycles to get around both host countries.

The second half saw much of a defensive struggle, as each team tried to preserve the tie, but press an advantage to get the win. with 8 minutes left, Timway shot a spectacular cross into the box and with a well placed header in the corner, took the lead 2-1.

The Nest must now win at home to force a tiebreak. The tiebreak, as explained to this reported by WCC officials:

If the Nest wins by 2 or more: they transfer.
If the Nest wins 1-0, they transfer
If the Nest wins 2-1, we go to extra time and penalties if necessary
If the Nest wins a one goal game where Timway scores 2 or more goals: Timway transfers
If Timway ties or wins: Timway transfers.

Here's hoping for a 1-0 win by the Nest!

The kickoff tomorrow will be at 6 pm. The field has been fixed and the hole filled in. Preliminary tests on the RP machine show it is in working order.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 45:00+2 (13)

Timway
Timway #11 19:04 (7)
Timway #23 82:34 (10)

Yellow Cards
EN - J. Adams
TW - Timway #17

The Eagles Nest

04-03-2004, 01:41

This reminder that the Eagle's Cup is one of the premier tune up matches for WCXIII. Keep tuned to watch your favorite teams play in this match.

Tanah Burung

04-03-2004, 06:23

Clonefire!

Another Clone spontaneously combusted in the home-and-away qualifying playoff between Tanah Burung and Big Butts, which ended in a 1-1 draw.

"It was a tough draw, given what we've gone through in the group stage with Halfassedstates," manager Bi Kikere said. "We didn't know much about Big Butts, although we assume they are a sedentary people with pale skin, unused to the sun, who skulk at their computers."

But it was the Dessicated Clones who proved unable to cope with the sun. Enormous patches of skin are flaking off the Clones, leaving their musculature exposed to the air and the disgusted gaze of their fans.

"It's gross," said one fan. "This is supposed to be family entertainment, not some freak show from a cheap dime-store horror fantasy. I mean, i bring my kids to see this. Where's the insulting cheerleading? Where are the sentient vegetables? Where are the streakers? And in the name of God, what happened to the onsite gambling? Won't someone think of the children?"

A twelth-minute goal by the visitors stunned fans into a rare silence. "I didn't see who scored, but they sure had a fat ass," said the fan. "Damn, we may not qualify. Time to fire the coach, i say."

The Dessicated Cloens tried bravely to equalize as their flesh fell off their bones in dry, flaky chunks. In the 58th minute, striker Ab Francisco, tearing up the pitch with the ball, erupted into flames as he took his shot. A startled Bigassed goalkeeper was unable to make the save, and Tanah Burung had equalized.

But fears over the viability of the Dessicated Clones has led to a desperate retooling for the return match, which is now a must-win away from home.

"Enough of this foolishness," Bi Kikere announced after the match. "I'm gpoing back to humans born human. Call me conservative."

The new line-up that hopes to win and scrape into the World Cup:

Goal Nino Konis** (age 29)
Defence Rashid Nazir (23)
D Klaus de Groot (21)
D Violeta Horta** (32)
D Silvia Rumbiak** (30)
Midfield Canabe Livit*** (38)
M Karena Gelap* (25)
M Kareta Api* (27)
M Zachary Alkatiri** (29)
Striker Maria Miskita (22)
Striker Taur Matan Ruak** (31)

Commerce Heights

04-03-2004, 16:18

Bellan Almore, technical manager for National Stadium in Commerce Heights, is in an NID building with a few assistants. It is not the Network of Illicit Demons, but, rather, the "other" NID, the "good guys", the National Impersonation Department. Several NID agents guard the facility where research is being done into RP...

As Almore digs through a portion of the RP bonus machine salvaged from National Stadium, he notices a slight green glow, as if an antique Lemmitanian computer display were inside. He went further and found the source of the light - not a monochrome display, but a full-color diagnostic interface with a green "X" on it. He found the appropriate input device which, though not perfect, did its job, and tried to replace some numbers on the screen. With the first change he made, he was shocked to find a large group of 0s and 1s be recalculated, along with some other groups of numbers. He thought, "Perhaps it would be better if I didn't mention this to the NID..." Almore replaced the parts covering the computer display, and went back to tinkering with the gears closer to the front of the device.

Europa Brittania

04-03-2004, 18:08

Qualification scare cast off as World Champions survive.

A business like performance from EB saw off Newcuba in the final qualification matchday, a solitary goal from the spot, following a push in the box, saw new KP domestic signing Lomardi score, and secure qualification, three points behind group leaders, TnUI.

Alister Hughes had this to say,

"I'm very proud of my players, for shirking the criticism, the finger pointing, and the badmouthing. I'm proud of the fans, who stuck by the team, despite the previously bad experience after our first championship.

We've steadied the boat, now its time to see how far we can guide her."

[OOC: Yeah bitches, I'm back.]

The Eagles Nest

04-03-2004, 19:01

Strike Birds Qualify!!!!

Striker Adams Scores Golden Goal to Transfer

In what ended up being an unbelieveable match, the Eagle's Nest Qualified to make the World Cup after a golden goal by Striker Adams 12 minutes into extra time.

The game started with the Nest knowing that had to win by more than 1 guarantee transfer, or win by 1 and keep Timway to less than one goal. They came out again with their trademark agressive play over the newly renovated field and RP machine that was humming with all it could as during this flurry of attacks, Striker J. Adams went on fire taking 8 shots in the first 20 minutes, the 8th a header off the post and in, taking the lead 1-0.

15 minutes later Adams hit a streaking Mario Gratunia for a easy give and go that Gratunia put easily into the net to make the game 2-0. It seemed the Nest was on a roll when they went into halftime with a two goal lead, and the RP machine a humming away.

The problem was, during halftime, the humming stopped. the crowd gasped, and screams of doubt filled the stadium.

The Nest came out a bit nervous knowing that Timway was a much higher ranked theam then they were, and without the RP machine, taht they might be in trouble. And in trouble they were. Timway poured an insane 19 shots on goal before Keeper Adams finally missed one to make the game 2-1. The Nest HAD to keep the lead or their chances were doomed.

with 3 minutes to go, a Timway Corner kick had the crowd on the edge of its seat. The kick went up, and it began to curve towards the unprotected corner of the goal. The crowd gasped and held their breath......

and the humming returned....and the ball suddenly went sky high and missed the net high. The crowd went wild. the Nest was able to keep the ball away from Timway enough to force extra time. Since each had scored 1 away goal, the game would go to extra time, and penalties if need be.

The first 20 minutes of extra time was pretty safe, but finally, a midfielder or timway stepped in a soft spot in the newly renovated hole and the ball trickled to striker J. Adams who ran the ball to the penalty spot and took a shot hard right which hit the upper corner and went in. The Nest had done it! In their first attempt at qualifying they had made the World Cup.

Striker J. Adams on the goal.

"Wow...what a game. I'm glad the RP machine got fixed. otherwise, i think we would never have gotten to extra time."

Coach T. Aefnen on qualifying.

"Whateer happens now, we will be playing the best of the best. We may not have as much success as we did in the qualifying round."

It has been reported that the Nest has been placed into Group B with Giant Zuchinni, Halfassedstates and Antaeus Rising. All fans are advised to buy your tickets now and make sure you have a bicycle to get around.

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
J. Adams 20:13 (14)
M. Grotunia (4)
J. Adams 20ET (15)

Timway
Timway #14 (5)

Yellow Cards
None

Bedistan

04-03-2004, 22:44

The Bedistan Sports Digest

First Round Draw Announced

KAZE PROGRESSA or LEMMITANIA -- The BFA has just learned which teams the Lions will have to face in the first round of World Cup 12 competition.

Group H
Lemmitania
Belmorian Scandinavia
Bedistan
Squornshelous

Manager Johnny Lewis could not be reached for comment at press time, but we expect to have his reaction in time for the next edition of the Sports Digest.

Kaze Progressa

04-03-2004, 22:51

OFFICIAL DRAW FOR GROUP STAGES

Group A
Europa Brittania
Kingsford
East Spaam
Dennisov

Group B
Giant Zucchini
Halfassedstates
Antaeus Rising
The Eagles Nest

Group C
Warnocks Wizards
Commerce Heights
Spaam
Svecia

Group D
Kaze Progressa
The Lowland Clans
Oddslavo
Kerla

Group E
The Belmore Family
Liverpool England
Total n Utter Insanity
Timway

Group F
Audioslavia
Oglethorpia
Gesamtkuntswerk
NASTIC II

Group G
Aquilla
Rejistania
Tanah Burung
Nikea

Group H
Lemmitania
Squornshelous
Bedistan
Belmorian Scandinavia

Alex The Tall

05-03-2004, 04:45

Liberal Republic of Alex The Tall sports news of the day

After some cumputer problem we're back whit you're sports news on chanel 52 this is Alex Marginal for you're last news on our team in the WC12... They haves finish they WC whit 6 wins/6 looses/2 Ties this is very good, they will be back in the WC13 and whit a little bit of luck we will past the round rumbin... Thank you and this was Alex Marginal for you're last "patriots WC 12" sports news of the day!

Lemmitania

05-03-2004, 04:45

<OOC>Well, I've gotten very far behind in my RPing, what with a nasty bout of the flu this week. I'd intended to have the full series of Out and About done by today, and here it's not quite half done. At any rate, I will try to get caught up on them quickly so as not to detract from Gil's return. That seems worthy of a muhahaha (at least if you believe he was ever gone).</OOC>

Giant Zucchini

05-03-2004, 05:47

OOC: :shock: Gil's back!!! This hath fulfilled the prophecy...

Gil is dead
Gil Will rise
Gil will collect
His endorsement cheque...

IC:

NEWSFLASH:

The draw for the group stages of the World Cup has been announced. For those of you following the Green Mile series, this means that the fabled Giant Zucchini National Team will face off against the likes of Halfassedstates, Antaeus Rising, and The Eagles Nest. More news as it comes, from the Giant Zucchini Broadcasting Corporation Newsrooms.

Squornshelous

05-03-2004, 05:49

[code:1:24fdab399d]
Group H
#8 Lemmitania
#16 Squornshelous
#25 Bedistan
#43 Belmorian Scandinavia
[/code:1:24fdab399d]
Lemmitania: Squornshelous have never played Lemmitania.

Bedistan: Bedistan and Squornshelous met most recently in the World Cup 11 qualifiers, with Squornshelous winning one of those matches 1-0 and the other resulting in a 1-1 draw.

Belmorian Scandinavia: Squornshleous have never played Belmorian Scandinavia.

Squornshelous has no special dislike for any of the sides in this group, although Bedistan may not have forgiven us for placing ahead of them in last cup's qualifiers, thereby eliminating them.

When asked for a comment on his team's chances for advancement, head coach Greg Newsome said, "We feel fairly optimistic about our chances for advancing into the knockout round of this cup. We believe we can beat any team in this group, but we can't get overconfident, because they can also beat us. We have to play with a mixture of confidence and caution. Also, since Bedistan is the only team in this group we've played before, we'll have to be on our toes to afjust to the other two teams' styles of play. We'll be watching a lot of game film at our practices."

Giant Zucchini

05-03-2004, 06:19

The Green Mile Sucks
The Green Mile Spoilers and Speculation

Episode 15 spoilers and speculation:

Halfassedstates:

History:
1-0-0
3-1 (WC11 Quarterfinals)

Verdict:
2-1 Win

Antaeus Rising:

History:
1-0-0
2-1 (WC10 Quarterfinals)

Verdict:
3-1 Win

The Eagles Nest:

History:
0-0-0

Verdict:
2-0 Win

Expect easy qualification from this group.

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush
Survivor Sucks (http://pub207.ezboard.com/bsurvivorsucks)

Liverpool England

05-03-2004, 06:24

The World Cup Update - Final Stages Round of 32

Group E
The Belmore Family
Liverpool England
Total n Utter Insanity
Timway

All the teams have faced Liverpool England before.

The Belmore Family: faced Liverpool England in WC8 qualifying, and then later in the cup, alongside then-potential-co-hosts Kaze Progressa, in a group which all three qualified. Also faced in 4 nations. Prediction: Second

Timway: WC8 co-host bid partner. Teams faced off in WC6Q. Timway have not been doing well for the past couple of cups, and should not be much of a threat. Do not underestimate them though, they can pull off upsets. Prediction: Fourth

Total_n_Utter_Insanity: The teams faced off back in Liverpool England's first-ever World Cup, WC6, when Liverpool England was placed in a qualifying Group of Death alongside TnUI, Quohog, Timway and Errinundera. Should be a big threat for defence. Prediction: First

Liverpool England: Actually winning the Cup in WC8 and finishing third in WC9, the team has fallen alot from those great heights achieved by the stars before them. Barely scraped through qualifying, defeating Cockbill Street on the way through the playoffs, the team can pose some serious threat and possibly pull off some upsets although ranked 18th in the world, down from 1st in WC9 and 2nd in WC10. Also note that en route to the Cup in WC8, the team was ranked 24th. Prediction: Third.

Liverpool England

05-03-2004, 06:26

OOC: Timway didnt qualify. TEN knocked them out. Or did one of the qalifiers through the playoffs cease?

Rejistania

05-03-2004, 12:47

The rejistanian team, also know as 'the newbs', the Orange-Blues, lasane'het ('the team') and by many other names the inventive Rejistanians has given them, saw the group draw and made their comments about it:

Inkil Xika~o (substitute defender):Finally. Last pot, next to last group. It took quite a while till we knew the opponents.
Xeseja Su (forward): Everything what's worth to know is worth to wait for.
Lata~n Gu: Nikea, Akila and Tanah... Burung?
Hexen Imdila (coach): You pronounced it right. Kinda complicated, the name.
SyLy (substitute forward): Simply say 'Tanah'! I won't even try to pronounce the 'vu-run-ke' part.
Lata~n Gu: You just did.
Lyku I Kansu (defender): Will they be a good opponent?
Hexen Imdila: In my opinion no, they lack a certain fairness.
Laxtu Takil (co-coach): Some players do, this strange forward for example. Another problem is that they are clones.
Sijij Kansu (defender): Why should it be a problem?
Laxtu Takil: I can't repect clones fully. Their soul is splitted.
Sijij Kansu: Gila~e, are you superstitous!
Laxtu Takil: Yes, I am, is that a problem for you?
Sijij Kansu: No, it isn't.
Laxtu Takil: Good, then you can perhaps understand that I won't come near these clones.
Hexen Imdila: Clones are no creatures of the goddess Hananekansa. I guess you just mis-read or misunderstood the texts.
(we skip the discussion between the two, which is about the question if Hananekansa has created the first clones in the war against Taderekansa. suddently a Orange-Blue, really big hedgehog enters the scene, it is JuMeh*, the Orange-Blue mascot)
JuMeh: Slani, it's han-hi-len-ly warm in this hedgehog dress.
Xeseja Su: Don't speak like Ila Iles!
JuMeh: I slani am Ila Iles!
Xeseja Su: Oops! Sorry!
Ila Iles: Hey, it's the slani best way to watch all international matches!
(some players laugh)
Inik Linkosa (midfielder): What do you think of the other two teams?
SyLy: Akila is a bit slani, we don't even know their roster!
Laxtu Takil: they prefer don't to give any information, right. It'll be a bit difficult for us! Nikea, that's another problem. They tend to defeat their opponents highly! They are a team of pretty young players with not much international experience, does this sound a bit familiar to you? (grins)
Inik Linkosa: New Montreal States?
Laxtu Takil: I ment rather that it reminds of our own team.
(some players laugh)
Hexen Imdila: I'd say we should look forward to our trip to KP and Lemmitanha!
(The players agree)

* JuMeh = Junis-Omeh: Orange-Blue

Halfassedstates

05-03-2004, 14:45

Sowhatsville News back page

Interesting draw for Halfassed in WCXII finals

The draw for the twelfth World Cup finals has just taken place in Kaze Progressa. Halfassed have been fortunate to avoid either of the host nations in the group stage. However, it will be an interesting few matches to see who gets through.

OFFICIAL DRAW FOR GROUP STAGES
Group B

Giant Zucchini
Halfassedstates
Antaeus Rising
The Eagles Nest

As you can see, Halfassed will face off against a side the have never won against, a side they have never lost too and a side they have never played against!

Favorites for the group should be Giant Zucchini. The perennial challengers met Halfassed for the first time in the quarter finals of WC11., and left with a resounding 3-1 win. Indeed the Zucchini's were only edged out by EB in the semis and finished third. They continued their dominance by strolling group 7 in qualifying finishing with 31 pts and 31 goals for (the same number of goals as Halfassed managed).
It is likly that GZ will top the group, Halfassed will have to hope that Sherwood's time at Rentruck Rovers will have helped him spot some weaknesses in the GZ defence!

Antaeus Rising is the team Halfassed have not lost to as yet. They took the second spot in group 6 behind TBF and forced an under power LE side into the playoffs. Antaeus and Halfassed met twice way back in WC9 qualifying, and Halfassed won both games. Indeed, the 2-0 final day defeat by Halfassed ment that AR crashed out of the final qualifying spot and Nikea sneaked through. So expect the Antaeian side to be looking for revenge!

The final team drawn into group B was unknowns The Eagles Nest. Halfassed have not played this side before, and this is their first appearence in the WC finals. They proved their mettle by putting out our FIFA neighbours Brazillico in group 11 and making it to the play-off stage. In possibly the match of the play-offs, TEN edged out Defari 4-3 on aggregate after a thrilling extra-time period in the second leg.
They have definatly proved they deserve their place, how they will get on in the rareifed atmosphere of the finals is anyones guess!

Prediction for the group:
7pts GZ
4pts TEN & HAS
1pt AR
Qualification to TEN on GD

Halfassedstates

05-03-2004, 16:22

Whogivesa Gazette

Halfassed search for a nickname!

After numerous years of being known soley a the Halfassed side, the national supporters club are polling members to find the most popular nickname for the national team.

Current options include;
Hurricanes, Hippos, Hooligans (though there maybe copyright problems with SN38 on this one) Platypi (after the national animal, though the club side may have something to say on that as well).

The 30,000 official supporters club members are being asked to vote for their favorite over the next couple of weeks, before the start of the World Cup. It looks likely that Hurricanes will come out on top!

Tanah Burung

05-03-2004, 17:42

Wouldn't a Halfassed Hurricane just be a strong wind? And do we really want a series of halfassed wind jokes? :wink:

THE INCREASINGLY FREQUENT CROCODILE

The all-new, all-natural World Cup 11 Crocodiles replaced the decaying Dessicated Clones who had nearly tossed away Tanah Burung's chances in the World Cup 12 qualifying campaign. And a good thing, too: the uncloned Crocs were able to win at Big Butts, and move through by the narrowest of margins.

"For years now, we've done very well in qualifying and then made an early exit in the first round," said Bi Kikere. "I'm hoping a barely adequate qualifying group will mean that we finally advance to the second round in theis World Cup. I don't know which country we'll be playing in this time, but we're not afriad of Lemmitania. Yes, we've beaten that curse." Behind her back, she crossed her fingers, knocked on wood, threw salt over her shoulder, and murmered a word of warding off evil.

Advancing will be a tough assignment, but there are no overpoweringly strong teams in the group. "They're all good, but we think we can beat any of them," Bi Kikere said. "Reijistania is an impressive and active squad, and we've never played them, but i think they're beatable. Aquilla is always a contender, and again we've never played them, but again this is not an elite side. And Nikea: we know them quite well, and we've defeated them more than once. I think we can advance this time. The curse of Lemmitania notwithstanding."

The new-look Crocodiles will strick with their aging starting line-up of non-clones, using the nine surviving Dessicated Clones (two spontaneously combusted in qualifying) as substitutes only.

Cockbill Street

05-03-2004, 19:38

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Three's The Number Alright
Coincidence? We Think Not!

Consider this. In the footballers' third attempt at qualifying for a world cup, in the twelfth world cup (three times four, but the sum of the digits also give three) the Cockbill Street team finishes third in their group, which was numbered 8 (yes, you guessed it - that's two threes put together!). In the third match of the qualifying, everything started to go wrong when we lost to Gormith, and that happened in the third match of the return leg. And then, of course, in the play-offs we drew former champions Liverpool England - and the first match against them were the third match we've played this year against former champions (the two first, of course, being against Europa Britannia). After three minutes of overtime, number nine (yes, that's three times three, but also three cubed divided by three!) on the Liverpool England team was fouled by number three Calcium-carbonate, who incidentally got a three on the C-mail ratings. That gave a penalty, which was easily converted.

Liverpool England 1 (???? 90+3 pen)
Cockbill Street 1 (B Axewielder 11)

Not convinced yet? The third goal of the play-off series was scored after eleven minutes of the second leg - and eleven is of course 33 divided by three. It was scored by Robert Hauritz after an excellent pass from Tor Stronginthearm - and he bears the number 9 on his back, whose significance you will remember. Cockbill Street then pushed on, and created two more chances in the first half - bringing the total chances in the half to three. The third one, a lovely, looping cross from Harald Axewielder, was converted by Pollock in the forty-first minute. No significance in 41, you think? Ah, how wrong. If you multiply 41 by 9 (three squared) you get 369, a number comprised of all the multiples of three below ten! And that was Cockbill Street's third goal of this play-off game.

In the second half, Liverpool England recovered by scoring the third goal of the game. That happened after 72 minutes, when Cockbill Street's back-line failed to execute the offside trap correctly (with Niall Johnson being three metres behind the rest of the players), and the Liverpool England player could easily put the ball in the top right corner. 72, now surely that can not be associated with three? Wrong! The sum of the digits 7 and 2 equals 9 - three times three! Also, 72 can be written as (3 * 3 * 3 * 3) - (3 * 3)! And the LE players continued to put the pressure on, scoring again in the 88th minute and gaining that vital away goals rule advantage. The goal was scored after a fine breakthrough on the right, and there was a total of seven passes made. Seven, that surely can't be associated with three? Oh yes. If you multiply it by three, you get 21, and what's the sum of the digits? Three! And 88, that's two threes put together twice. Also, if you multiply by three and subtract 243 (three to the power of five) - you get 21, whose digit sum is three again!

We strongly suggest that some action be taken to rid us of this curse. Perhaps ban all jerseys that can be associated with the number three?

Cockbill Street 2 (Hauritz 11, Pollock 41)
Liverpool England 2 (??? 72, ??? 88 )

Final average ratings to come later.

Lemmitania

05-03-2004, 21:29

Group matches will take place in the following Lemmitanian venues:

Group E
The Belmore Family-Timway: National Stadium, Lemmington
Total n Utter Insanity-Liverpool England: Offshore Arena, Lemlanta

Group F
Audioslavia-NASTIC: The Can, Lemvoola
Gesamtkuntswerk-Oglethorpia: The Lemming Tent, Lemmadelphia

Group G
Aquilla-Nikea: Go Field, Lemago
Tanah Burung-Rejistania: Shattered Stadium, Limmsburgh

Group H
Lemmitania-Belmorian Scandinavia: Lemco City Municipal Stadium
Bedistan-Squornshelous: Narrowhead Stadium, Lemsas City

Gilmeecia

05-03-2004, 21:47

Bedistan

06-03-2004, 00:16

The Bedistan Sports Digest - Friday Night Edition

World Cup 12 Outlook

LEMSAS CITY and/or LEMCO CITY, LEMMITANIA -- The Bedistan Lions are on their way as we print this to Lemsas City, Lemmitania, where they will see their first match of World Cup 12 against #16 Squornshelous at Narrowhead Stadium.

Here follows a look at each of the other teams in the Lions' group and a prediction of how Bedistan will do in the first round:

#8 Lemmitania
As co-hosts of World Cup 12, they will have home-field advantage in the first round. Combined with the fact that the Lemmings are the highest-ranked team in the group, they are almost certain to move on to the second round.

BED-LEM history:
World Cup 8 First Round: Bedistan 3 - 0 Lemmitania (home)

#16 Squornshelous
Squornshelous tends to be rather unpopular with many Bedistani fans, as they were one of the three teams that finished ahead of Bedistan in their WC11 qualifying group, preventing the Lions from reaching the first round for the very first time. Lewis' crew will surely want revenge for this wrong.

BED-SQU history:
World Cup 11 Qualifying: Squornshelous 1 - 0 Bedistan (away)
World Cup 11 Qualifying: Bedistan 1 - 1 Squornshelous (home)

#43 Belmorian Scandinavia
Virtually nothing is known about this team, except that it hails from a puppet nation of The Belmore Family:

BED-BES history:
none

BED-TBF history:
World Cup 5 Qualifying: Bedistan 1 - 2 The Belmore Family (neutral*)
World Cup 9 Quarterfinal: Bedistan 4 - 0 The Belmore Family (neutral)

Predicted finishing order:
1. Lemmitania
2. Bedistan
3. Squornshelous
4. Belmorian Scandinavia

Manager's comments:
"I feel pretty good about the group," says Lewis. "It's definitely not a cakewalk -- a unlucky co-host draw and another strong side from Squornshelous. We'll probably have to hope Squorn gets a sound beating from the Lemmings in order to pull through."

* For some reason, WC5 qualifying was RPed as actually taking place in Tanah Burung along with the Cup proper. By the time TB corrected us, so many of us had thought so that we just went along with it. What can I say -- I knew next to nothing about the RL WC before then. :oops:

The Eagles Nest

06-03-2004, 01:54

*The TV begins to flash scenes of the Strike Birds playing in the playoff legs, and Striker Josh Adams shoots in the golden goal as the montauge fades into a studio*

Hello, I'm your special host Max Grudia with a look at The Strike Birds miraculous run to the cup and who they will face in Group B.

First lets start out with this confusion. Who did we play? They wore Timway jerseys..but were they really Timway? What we have found out is that the team we played IN Timway and beat 4-3 on an extra time goal, was really in fact Defari. Go figure. Anyway, Defari's gone, and Timway did in fact automatically qualify in group 3.

Now, the Nest has been drawn into Group B, which has Giant Zucchini, Halfassedstates, and Antaeus Rising. Lets look at each team shall we?

Giant Zucchini:

Qualifying Record: 10-1-3, 1st place in Group 7.

A tough draw, a tie here would be a miracle. Very fast, swift forwards, great defense.

Halfassedstates:

Qualifying Record: 9-2-3, 1st place in Group 5.

It is possible we might tie them, we might beat them, we might lose. The main thing we seem to be hearing about them is their search for a nickname. Good luck guys.

Antaeus Rising:

Qualifying Record: 8-3-3, 2nd place in Group 6.

Well, of the three opponents, this is the weakest one, even though none of them are really weak. With luck, we might get a draw here.

The Eagle's Nest:

Qualifying Record: 6-5-3, 3rd place in Group 11
Won 1-0-1, 4-3 Aggregate over Defari.

The foruth team in Group B is our very own Strike Birds. Time will tell how they will play among the best sides in the world. Just making the finals is a great honor, and hopefully they can score a few goals to make themselves look respectable.

Moving to the round of 16 will be a tough task for the Birds. perhaps four years from now, with a bit more respect and rankings under their belt, and a little practice and a lot of luck, we can move on to the round of 16. Unfortunately we predict a 4th place finish for the Birds.

Well, we will have another special after the three group games are finished. Until then, GO BIRDS!

Aquilla

06-03-2004, 03:55

Woohoo we get to cream Rejistania again, and get back at Nikea for what they did to us in qualifying

Giant Zucchini

06-03-2004, 04:16

The Green Mile:
Episode 15: A Good Name for a National Team?

A poll had recently been taken in Giant Zucchini regarding the Giant Zucchini National Football Team’s name for World Cup 12. These are the results in order of popularity.

The Giant Zucchini Zucchinis - 89.4%
The Giant Zucchini Vegetables - 5.7%
The Giant Zucchini Giants - 2.1%
The Giant Zucchini Squatting Turnips - 0.4%
The Giant Zucchini Foliage Eaters - 0.4%
The Giant Zucchini Biscuit Whackers - 0.3%
The Giant Zucchini Flying Shards - 0.3%
The Giant Zucchini Wildlife Technicians - 0.3%
The Giant Zucchini Weasel Nostrils - 0.3%
The Giant Zucchini Stomach Contents - 0.2%
The Giant Zucchini Squeaking Codpieces - 0.2%
The Giant Zucchini Contaminated Tumbleweeds - 0.2%
The Giant Zucchini Rival Bat Dung Gatherers - 0.1%
The Giant Zucchini Naunces of Toast - 0.1%
The Giant Zucchini Flaming Salmonella Units - 0.0%
The Giant Zucchini Bones of Contention - 0.0%
The Giant Zucchini Compunctions of Soul - 0.0%
The Giant Zucchini Fatty Acid Radicals - 0.0%
The Giant Zucchini Violently Fracturing Water Closets - 0.0%

------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------

Films/Books/TV progs/RPs/Websites/Famous Personalities/Clubs ripped off so far:
Escape to Slavery
VH2 Presents: Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family
The Green Mile
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Rush Hour
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lemmitania’s WC RPs
Football Quotes: The Kevin Keegan Collection (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/keggy.html)
Football Focus
Claudio Ranieri
Once Upon a Time in China and America
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister (http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Curious George
The Complete Bushisms (http://slate.msn.com/default.aspx?id=76886)
Alan Shearer
Newcastle United
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Missing Three-Quarter
HomeRun
Money No Enough
That One No Enough
I Not Stupid
Sherlock Holmes
Quotes from Sherlock Holmes (http://www.bcpl.net/~lmoskowi/HolmesQuotes/quotes.html)
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: A Scandal in Bohemia
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of Black Peter
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Cardboard Box
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor
Sherlock Holmes: The Naval Treaty
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Norwood Builder
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Red Circle
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Retired Colourman
Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Speckled Band
Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Reigate Squire
The English Patient
Ron Atkinson
Football Quotes: Big Ron Atkinson - A Tribute (http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Palms/6687/ron.html)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
John Motson
Most Memorable Quotes of All Time (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78002&start=0)
Kitsylvania
Dave Barry: Homes and Other Black Holes
Islamic Ummah
The SLAGLands
The Resi Corporation
Ziotah
Murder She Wrote
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down
Dave Barry
AutoDave! (http://www.peacefire.org/staff/bennett/autodave/)
Johnny English
Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Identity
Rugrats
George W. Bush
Survivor Sucks (http://pub207.ezboard.com/bsurvivorsucks)
Halfassedstates’ Nickname Search
Dave Barry: A Good Name for a Rock Band? (http://www.davebarry.com/rockbandlist.html)

The Lowland Clans

06-03-2004, 06:08

ASNN - The Stars get Tought 1st Round Draw

Group D
22 - Kaze Progressa
23 - The Lowland Clans
24 - Oddslavo
39 - Kerla

Predicted Place for Team

22nd Ranked Kaze Progressa
Co-hosts of this World Cup, They have a reputation for being a tough team to play against in the cup. Though ranked only one spot ahead of the Stars, they are expected to dominate the goup, and com through with seve or nine points.
PLACE: 1st/2nd

23rd Ranked The Lowland Clans
Yours truly, the Stars are expected to fly this World Cup. With their excellent qualifying run, taking the group from dominant Nikea. The draw is tough for them. With the teams going 22-23-24 in ranking, these predictions can essentially become interchangeable expected to at least reach the quarter finals this year.
PLACE: 1st/2nd

24th Ranked Oddslavo
The Oddslavans are one of the oddities in this group. They usually do very well in qualifying, only not to get very far in the actualy World Cup. Could finish in either top three, but many expect that the Stars and KP will finish on top.
PLACE: Third

39th Ranked Kerla
They did well in qualifying, but they are throughly outclassed by every team in this group.
PLACE: 4th

Lemmitania

06-03-2004, 07:14

Live from Narrowhead Stadium in Lemsas City, welcome to the opening ceremony of the twelfth World Cup of football! I’m Glick Masterson, and joining me in the booth are my co-hosts for tonight’s event, the Voice of the Lemmings, Clem Gilson, and lovely Lana Maelstrom. The stadium is packed with an international crowd that’s a hundred and twenty-eight thousand strong, here to see their nations’ sporting establishments honored. And I have to say, this is the single greatest arena I’ve ever visited.

Clem: It’s the best Lemmitania’s ever gonna see, that’s for sure.

Lana: Wull, it ain’t Lemco City Muny, but it’ll do.

Clem: No offense to Lemco City Municipal Stadium.

Lana: None taken.

Glick: A great example of modern architecture, here.

Lana: In the middle of a corn field.

Glick: Now, what you’re seeing are the flag-bearers marching around the stadium on the outer track. In the center are the Lemmington National University marching band spelling out the name of each nation in turn.

Clem: That’s truly awful.

Lana: Wot’s awful is the renditions of the countries’ national anthems wot they’re playin’ whilst they do it.

Glick: You mean, because they’re compressed into thirty seconds each?

Lana: I mean ‘cause they’re playin’ ‘em marchin’-band style.

Clem: I know it’s a lot of directions to remember, but you’d think they could spell the names right.

Lana: Olgathorpia. Heh heh. I ‘adn’t noticed that.

Clem: You know, I think the Wonderteam’s going to win it all this time.

Lana: Do you?

Clem: Yep.

Glick: I think the LNU band is doing a great job, considering there are thirty-two nations whose names they have to spell out. Most marching bands only do their own team, and that’s it.

Clem: So I noticed you and Mel Melsterson were doing some wrap-up broadcasts for LRN during the qualifiers, Glick.

Glick: Yes, we were.

Clem: And of course, you’re here with us today...

Glick: Your point being?

Clem: Got a reprieve from the dog shows, did you?

Glick: LRN made a reasonable offer to bring me back.

Clem: After ten years in doggie exile, I imagine any offer that involved coming back would be reasonable.

Glick: The dog show circuit isn’t exile, Clem. It’s one of the most popular events in Lemmitania.

Clem: Who owns a dog in Lemmitania?

Glick: The question isn’t, ‘Who owns a dog?’, it’s ‘Who wants to watch a dog show?’

Clem: All right, who wants to watch a dog show?

Glick: Lots of people. Speaking of which, there’s a surprisingly large Rejistanian contingent in the stands tonight, and they’re going crazy as the LNU band spells out the name of their homeland.

Clem: They’re chanting something. Sounds like “slany.”

Lana: I think that’s some kind of curse in their language.

Clem: Maybe it’s because the kids making the j i are all mixed up so it looks more like they’re spelling ‘Remustania.’

Lana: Are they goin’ in alphabetical order, or wot?

Clem: Some kind of random order, I think.

Glick: I could be mistaken, but I believe they’re going in order of how near the nation is to Lemmitania.

Clem: Wow. How could they possibly know that?

Glick: Maybe they consulted a map.

Clem: A map of the whole world? I’ve never even seen a map of the Alliance of Socialist States.

Glick: The what?

Clem: That’s the region of the world Lemmitania’s in.

Lana: Thet ‘region’ stuff is jus’ political affiliation, Clem. It’s ain’t got nothin’ to do wit’ geography.

Clem: Sure it has. Haven’t you ever seen them airlifting a country from one region to another? With the billions of helicopters?

Lana: I never ‘eard of that. Sounds to me like you’ve smoked a little tainted ‘ootchie weed.

Clem: Phoo. You don’t think I know the good stuff by my age?

Glick: If there were no maps of the world, Clem, how would all these international visitors have found their way here?

Clem: Well, when I’m going to a foreign country, I usually just board an airplane. I let the pilot worry about knowing where the place is.

Glick: And how do you think the pilots find their way around?

Clem: I don’t know.

Lana: They rely on the navigator.

Glick: And how do you think the navigator finds her way around?

Lana: By following a ‘omin’ beacon?

Glick: Hmm... Maybe they could do it by following a homing beacon. I never thought of that.

Clem: A map’s not much good when you’re in an airplane anyway.

Lana: They’ve misspelt ‘Europa Brittania’ with only one T.

Clem: I think they just ran out of kids to make letters.

Lana: Wait’ll they get to Total n Utter Insanity, then.

Clem: If they’re doing it in order of distance from Lemmitania, Snub Nose 38 should have been first. They’re on some asteroid someplace.

Glick: Snub Nose 38 isn’t in it.

Clem: Oh. Ran out of funds, did they?

Glick: They failed to qualify.

Clem: On what grounds?

Glick: Failure to win enough games, I believe.

Clem: That’s crazy! Oh, but come to think of it, Ravenspire would be before them anyway. Aren’t they located in some other galaxy?

Glick: Ravenspire didn’t qualify either.

Clem: What! This is even worse than last time. Did any of the top teams make it?

Glick: Yeah, most of the others.

Clem: I better read up on the state of things before the matches start. I don’t want any surprises.

Lana: ‘Warnocks Wivards.’ They ‘ad three in a row perfec’ after Europa, before that one.

Clem: Oh man, was that a freaky place. It wasn’t bad enough Lemmy Atom getting eaten by a giant spider, they had to send us to a giant spider country for the Cup...

Lana: It ain’t a giant spider country, an’ Maleficus never et Lemmy, remember?

Clem: Well, maybe not literally, but in the hearts of millions, Maleficus will always have eaten Lemmy.

Lana: I think that’s the real reason Glick’s back.

Glick: I think my years of consummate professionalism are the reason I’m back.

Lana: And, bein’ a consummate professional, you ain’t never et one of us co-broadcasters, ‘ave you?

Glick: Never.

Clem: The LNU band kids are getting tired. They’ve got ‘Total n Utter Insa’ spelled now, with a bunch of kids just milling around at the end.

Lana: An’ the anthems are startin’ to sound weaker.

Clem: A lot weaker.

Glick: They’ve been at it for forty-five minutes. That’s half a football match.

Lana: ‘ow many countries to go, Glick?

Glick: About ten.

Clem: They’re never going to make it.

Lana: ‘Ta ah Bruu.’ A ‘alfassed attempt if you ask me. That ain’t ‘alf as many letters as they managed for the las’ one.

Glick: I guess that shoots my theory that they’re going in order of the countries’ distance from Lemmitania.

Clem: How do you figure?

Glick: Tanah Burung is next to Oglethorpia! And they did Oglethorpia half an hour ago.

Lana: The crowd’s strangely quiet.

Clem: No one in their right mind from Tanah Burung would be here.

Lana: ‘cept the football team.

Clem: They’re a bunch of zombies.

Glick: Clones, actually. Flammable ones.

Lana: The kids ‘ave gotten their second wind. They’re managin’ Bedistan all right.

Clem: Of course, they’ve stopped playing their instruments.

Glick: What a cop-out.

Lana: You want ‘em to fall over dead?

Glick: Hey, if they’re not playing, they’re not a marching band. They’re just marching.

Lana: So ‘oo cares?

Glick: I don’t know.

Clem: As they broke formation on ‘Bedistan,’ the drummers started playing again... oh. I see.

Lana: Is that really the national anthem?

Glick: Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Lana: I never ‘eard of a country ‘avin’ an anti-establishment political rap song for a national anthem.

Clem: Of course, they’ve spelled it ‘Adioslavia.’

Lana: Does their national anthem really call for revolution?

Glick: Yeah. That’s really the Audioslavian national anthem the kids are rapping.

Lana: They’re callin’ for the overthrow of the Audioslavian government!

Glick: Yep.

Clem: Holy crap!

Lana: Wot the ‘ell is that?

Glick: It’s the Audioslavian team bus! It’s broken through the ranks of flag-bearers and it’s tear-assing around the pitch!

Lana: Oh, the Narrow’ead groundskeeper’s gonn’a ‘ave a coronary over that.

Clem: Those crazy bastards! They’re crashing the ceremony. They’re supposed to be in Lemvoola getting ready for their opening match.

Glick: It’s only a three hour drive to Lemvoola. They can get back in plenty of time.

Clem: If they’re not locked up.

Glick: They’re not going to be locked up unless they get caught-- oh, man! Now, that I don’t believe.

Clem: I’ve never seen an entire football side streaking before.

Lana: You know, that’s a lovely sight.

Glick: I agree.

Clem: They’ll have to fuzz out the important bits back at LBC headquarters.

Glick: I don’t think they can. Unless they’ve cut the feed, this is a live broadcast.

Lana: To the ‘ole world!

Clem: Heh, heh, heh! The cops are after them, but those Audioslavians are fast! You get the idea they’re used to evading authorities.

Lana: The LNU band kids are tryin’ to figure out wot to do. It’s chaos down there. About a ‘undred an’ fifty bandmembers, a dozen naked footballers runnin’ rings around ‘em, an’ mebbe three-score cops tryin’ to chase ‘em down.

Clem: The kids are trying to brave it out and spell the next country. Some of them, anyway.

Lana: They’ve managed ‘Kaz.’ I guess that’d be co-’ost Kaze Progressa.

Glick: Some of the Audioslavians have gotten back in the van. I don’t think the cops have realized.

Clem: The cops are starting to try clearing the field now. They’re getting in a shoving match with the marching band kids. They kids just want to finish off their show.

Lana: All the Audioslavians are back in the van! Whoile the kids were arguin’ with the cops, they all snuck back in!

Clem: Oh man, this is great! They’re getting away! Look, there’s about forty cops chasing after them.

Lana: They’re ‘eadin’ right for the Insaniacan flag-bearers. They better get the ‘ell out of the way.

Clem: Nice dives. Flags are tumbling down all over the place, but I don’t think anyone’s hurt. And the Audioslavians have left the building.

Lana: Wull, that certainly made things in’erestin’. The band’s still arguin’ with the cops about whether they’re gonna spell ‘Lemmitania’ on the field.

Glick: The World Cup Host Committee’s going to decide it. They’re having the stage and podium brought out to the center of the field now for the speeches.

Lana: Oh, good. The speeches. Wull, so much for th’ in’erestin’ part.

Clem: The kids are playing our own beloved national anthem as they march off the field.

Lana: That?! That ain’t the national anthem!

Clem: Of course it is. ‘Hail, Radical Lemming.’

Lana: Where’s the verse about ‘Fight, Lions, fight, for the pride of Lemco City?’

Clem: That’s not the national anthem. It’s the Lemco City Lions fight song.

Lana: There’s a difference?

Glick: So that was the Lemmington National University marching band performing the national anthems of all thirty-two nations participating in the twelfth World Cup of football. Give or take a few. We’ll be back after these important messages.

...

Glick: And welcome back to the opening ceremonies of the twelfth World Cup of football. Narrowhead Stadium in Lemsas City is packed with a standing-room-only crowd representing every one of the thirty-two nations in the tournament. About to address the crowd is George Lemwillister, C.O.O. of the Lemmitanian United Football Leagues.

George: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, thank you for joining us tonight as we kick off World Cup Twelve! Welcome to Narrowhead Stadium, and to all of you visiting us for the first time from overseas, welcome to Lemmitania! It is a true pleasure to be able to host the greatest sporting event in the world. No other event brings the world together so effectively. No other event unites so many disparate nations. The theme of this Cup is ‘Football United,’ but we could as well call it ‘World United,’ because that is what the World Cup brings us one step closer to achieving. Nations have no need of tanks and bombs when they can settle their differences on the pitch. Just take a look at the political alliances that so many nations have formed around this game: the world is a better place for it.

Clem: What a load of horsecrap.

Glick: Shut up while he’s speaking.

George: But before I get too carried away, let me address a subject near my own heart: Lemmitanian football. We’re gathered tonight in Narrowhead Stadium, the greatest arena this country has ever seen. The stadium was built for World Cup Twelve-- er-- World Cup Twelve, and will become the home venue of-- what is that?

Clem: Do you hear that?

Glick: Oh, no.

Lana: They’re back!

Clem: They’re heading right for the podium!

Glick: George Lemwillister’d better make a dive for it!

Lana: Bullseye!

Clem: And the Audioslavian team bus has taken out the speaker’s podium. It looks like Lemwillister is shaken but unharmed.

Lana: And there they go.

Clem: Back to Lemvoola.

Glick: Let’s hope.

Lana: The crowd loved it, anyway.

Clem: They’re trying to get Lemwillister to go on with his speech, but I think he’s traumatized.

Glick: Who wouldn’t be?

Clem: He didn’t get hit.

Glick: He was almost killed!

Clem: So what?

Lana: Kaye Dekuyper, head of the Progressan delegation in the World Cup Hosting Committee, is comin’ to the podium.

Clem: Why bother? The podium’s shattered across the pitch.

Lana: She needs a place to stand, don’t she?

Kaye: Well, that was unexpected. Whoever those hooligans were, I’m sure the police will deal with them efficiently. I’d just like to take the opportunity, ladies and gentlemen, to say what an honor it is for Kaze Progressa, as well as for Lemmitania, to have been chosen to host the ‘greatest sporting event in the world,’ as George put it. The Hosting Committee of our two nations will be striving to make this the greatest World Cup ever-- barring any mishaps involving naked men in unmarked vans. Let the games begin!

Clem: You know, I don’t think the WCHC knows that was the Audioslavian team.

Lana: I b’lieve you’re right, Clem.

Glick: And we’ll be breaking again for some important messages here. When we return, Lemetta Melbruvin will be singing selections from Lemmitania, Land of Funky World Peace: Dub Edition by George Gershlem and Lem Mingstein.

Lemmitania

06-03-2004, 07:20

Full group stage fixtures

Match day 1
GROUP A
Europa Brittania-Dennisov: Irafma Lakeside Arena, Quarua
East Spaam-Kingsford: Westside Stadium, Gauralan

GROUP B
Giant Zucchini-The Eagles Nest: Davilia Stadium, Maunlik
Antaeus Rising-Halfassedstates: Sunshine Arena, Fildi

GROUP C
Warnocks Wizards-Svecia: The Kick Arena, Paninara
Spaam-Commerce Heights: Warpnet Arena, Nortenai

GROUP D
Kaze Progressa-Kerla: Progressair Stadium, Kaza
Oddslavo-The Lowland Clans: Westside Stadium, Gauralan

GROUP E
The Belmore Family-Timway: National Stadium, Lemmington
Total n Utter Insanity-Liverpool England: Offshore Arena, Lemlanta

GROUP F
Audioslavia-NASTIC II: The Can, Lemvoola
Gesamtkuntswerk-Oglethorpia: The Lemming Tent, Lemmadelphia

GROUP G
Aquilla-Nikea: Go Field, Lemago
Tanah Burung-Rejistania: Shattered Stadium, Limmsburgh

GROUP H
Lemmitania-Belmorian Scandinavia: Lemco City Municipal Stadium
Bedistan-Squornshelous: Narrowhead Stadium, Lemsas City

Match day 2
GROUP A
Europa Brittania-Kingsford: Gateway Arena, Taqizerr
Dennisov-East Spaam: Westside Stadium, Gauralan

GROUP B
Giant Zucchini-Halfassedstates: Read or Dead Arena, Pageas
The Eagles Nest-Antaeus Rising: Sunshine Arena, Fildi

GROUP C
Warnocks Wizards-Commerce Heights: Progressair Stadium, Kaza
Svecia-Spaam: Warpnet Arena, Nortenai

GROUP D
Kaze Progressa-The Lowland Clans: Irafma Lakeside Arena, Quarua
Kerla-Oddslavo: Westside Stadium, Gauralan

GROUP E
The Belmore Family-Liverpool England: National Stadium, Lemmington
Timway-Total n Utter Insanity: Offshore Arena, Lemlanta

GROUP F
Audioslavia-Oglethorpia: The Can, Lemvoola
NASTIC II-Gesamtkuntswerk: The Lemming Tent, Lemmadelphia

GROUP G
Aquilla-Rejistania: Go Field, Lemago
Nikea-Tanah Burung: Shattered Stadium, Limmsburgh

GROUP H
Lemmitania-Squornshelous: Lemco City Municipal Stadium
Belmorian Scandinavia-Bedistan: Narrowhead Stadium, Lemsas City

Match day 3
GROUP A
Europa Brittania-East Spaam: Irafma Lakeside Arena, Quarua
Dennisov-Kingsford: Gateway Arena, Taqizerr

GROUP B
Giant Zucchini-Antaeus Rising: Davilia Stadium, Maunlik
The Eagles Nest-Halfassedstates: Read or Dead Arena, Pageas

GROUP C
Warnocks Wizards-Spaam: The Kick Arena, Paninara
Svecia-Commerce Heights: Progressair Stadium, Kaza

GROUP D
Kaze Progressa-Oddslavo: Progressair Stadium, Kaza
Kerla-The Lowland Clans: Irafma Lakeside Arena, Quarua

GROUP E
The Belmore Family-Total n Utter Insanity: National Stadium, Lemmington
Timway-Liverpool England: Offshore Arena, Lemlanta

GROUP F
Audioslavia-Gesamtkuntswerk: The Can, Lemvoola
NASTIC II-Oglethorpia: The Lemming Tent, Lemmadelphia

GROUP G
Aquilla-Tanah Burung: Go Field, Lemago
Nikea-Rejistania: Shattered Stadium, Limmsburgh

GROUP H
Lemmitania-Bedistan: Lemco City Municipal Stadium
Belmorian Scandinavia-Squornshelous: Narrowhead Stadium, Lemsas City

Kaze Progressa

06-03-2004, 08:58

OOC: I originally contemplated having the opening ceremony before the first match (EB-Dennisov in the Irafma Lakeside) - roughly based on IRL (at least, that's what happened in Korea-Japan, the ceremony preceding France-Senegal) - but Lemmy was always going to RP it so I don't blame him for putting it in the biggest stadium.

Additional OOC notes... the structure for the knockout rounds is as follows:

Second round:
1. 1st A v 2nd F (Lemmy)
2. 1st B v 2nd E (Farela)
3. 1st C v 2nd H (Lemmy)
4. 1st D v 2nd G (Fildi)
5. 1st E vs 2nd B (Nortenai)
6. 1st F vs 2nd A (Lemmy)
7. 1st G vs 2nd D (Paninara)
8. 1st H vs 2nd C (Lemmy)

Quarter-finals:

A: Winner 1 vs winner 3 (Lemmy)
B: Winner 2 vs winner 4 (Quarua)
C: Winner 5 vs winner 7 (Farela)
D: Winner 6 vs winner 8 (Lemmy)

Semi-finals:

E: Winner A vs winner D (Lemmy)
F: Winner B vs winner C (Kaza)

Third place playoff (Taqizerr)
FINAL (Lemsas City)
(note: Lemmitanian venues for the knockout stages have yet to be confirmed)

Liverpool England

06-03-2004, 10:04

OOC notes: How did I draw TBF in both qualifying and WC proper?

The World Cup Update
Predictions

Group A:
Europa Brittania (Defending Champions, Achievements: WC9, WC11 champions) Expected to finish: First
East Spaam (Automatic Qualifiers, Achievements: nil) Expected to finish: Third or Fourth
Dennisov (Automatic Qualifiers, Achievements: WC4 champions) Expected to finish: Third or Fourth
Kingsford (Automatic Qualifiers, Achievements: WC6 muck-up hosts) Expected to finish: Second

Group B
Giant Zucchini (WC11 Third Place, Achievements: WC3 Champions) Expected to finish: First
Antaeus Rising (Automatic Qualifiers, Achievements: nil, Notes: Pipped Liverpool England to an automatic qualification spot in Group 6 of qualifying) Expected to finish: Second, third or fourth
The Eagles Nest (Quaification through Playoffs, Achievements: nil) Expected to finish: Second or third
Halfassedstates (Achievements: nil, Notes: Freddy Crewgar's home nation) Expected to finish: Third or Fourth

Groups C and D in the next episode!

Lemmitania

06-03-2004, 12:49

One Red Dot

06-03-2004, 13:47

The Red Dot Informant

World Cup So Near, Yet So Far
By Ken Takajima, Freelance Sports Journalist

It is official: The Red Dot Wolves have failed in entering the World Cup after 8 successful qualifications. During the Third-Placers Qualifiers, One Red Dot drew with Kerla 1-1 in the first part of the round, but Kerla snatched all hopes away when they thumped the Wolves 2-0, earning the right to a place for the Cup.

Disappointment now covers the entire team, and rumours might be spreading that famliar-face Alvin Ker might be quitting after 36 years managing the international side.

Alvin Ker could not be reached for comment.

Snub Nose 38

06-03-2004, 14:40

Wouldn't a Halfassed Hurricane just be a strong wind? And do we really want a series of halfassed wind jokes? :wink:
Attention...may I have your attention, please?

Prepare for a very bad joke.

Joke (very bad one) follows:

TB - perhaps a Himacane?

Very bad joke now officially over. Please return to your normal activities.

Svecia

06-03-2004, 17:42

VILÄMNA TIMES

Svecia Draws Group C
Group includes the likes of Warnock Wizards, Spaam, and Commerce Heights
Saturday, 6 March

Group drawings for the World Cup were held Thursday, with Svecia drawing Group C. A brief outlook at the Group shows Svecia should have a good chance to finish in the top two. Spaam will give Svecia a good matchup and the other two teams will probably also provide the Lightning with a solid game. Svecia opens match play against Warnock Wizards.

The Lightning ticket service hotline was completely busy for the last week, with over 500 calls coming in per hour asking for tickets. The alloted number of tickets for Svecian fans has already been sold out in Paninara, Kaze Progressa.

Kaze Progressa

06-03-2004, 17:59

DUM DUM DUMMMM

Good evening, i'm Michael Carmichael, and welcome to Channel One News.

Our main-ass story tonight:

BONG!

Audioslavia manager quits job

Audioslavia's team coach Butch McAuley has resigned from his position of manager of Audioslavia. Sighting unfair media critisism and a dislike of Lemmitanian cuisine.

McAuley's walk-out stems from the Soundgardian on Sunday's damning report on Audioslavian football last week, despite the team's hard-earnt qualification for the 12th World Cup; their seventh succesful qualification in eight attempts.

With just under six months to go until the opening match, any new face in the managers position would have a tough time asserting himself and gaining the trust of his squad, although of course, he'd have to pick the squad first.

Public Opinion seems to be swaying towards current CH1 reporter Zach De La Rocha, as well as the Kyuss Blues' manager Declan O`Hara and the recently-resigned Kharden Rangers manager Donal Branagh. There are even leaked reports of the AFA attempting to recruit foreign talent.

In other news, Audioslavia have been drawn with Oglethorpia in World Cup 12. Audioslavia last played the Ogles in World Cup 10 where they scraped a 1-1 draw which pretty much put them out of the competition.

And now to Jeff with the weather... Jeff...

[OOC: AS TGed me this and asked me to post it as his computers at uni are down for maintenance.]

Brazillico

06-03-2004, 18:04

For all of you who lucked out on the Cup proper, don't forget to sign up for the Harmony Cup.

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=128741

Remember, just because you didn't win in qualifying doesn't mean you shouldn't win at all.

Spaam

06-03-2004, 18:58

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

Celebration! Spaam Qualify For World Cup

For the first time in over 15 years, Spaam has qualified for the World Cup.
Not since World Cup Eight have the Spaamanians managed to survive the
brutal qualifying seasons they have been subjected to. But in a
remarkable show of persistance and skill, Melá Sëhelin's team only
dropped two games in their run to the top. For the first time ever, Spaam
also finished top of their qualifying group, a feat they had not been able to
achieve in their seven previous attempts (Spaam automatically qualified
for World Cup Five and Six).

Spaam's qualification was made doubly sweet, with East Spaam also
qualifying, and also finishing on top of their qualifying group. This is the
first time ever that both Spaamanians teams have qualified for the World
Cup, and will give United Spaam one of their best chances ever in the
tournament. This will be Spaam's sixth World Cup, and East Spaam's
second, and though both teams failed to proceed past the group stage on
their respective last Cups, they will be happy to have just qualified,
signifying the return of the Spaamanians.

Spaam's Run To The Top

Here is a brief rundown on Spaam's qualifying season.

Game One: Spaam vs Oglethorpia
This is perhaps one of the most controversial matches ever, as in a
organisational faux pas, the Belmore Family was given power over this
match. In the shock result, the home team lost by two goals, and sent
Spaam to the bottom of the table. There were talks after this match of
Spaam boycotting the World Cup, and officials are still talking about
action, as Spaam later drew with Oglethorpia on their home ground, and
only lost one other match, which was at home to a resurgent Weegies.
Spaam 1-3 Oglethorpia

Game Two: BSE Free Bovines vs Spaam
This was the start of Spaam's record 8 game unbeaten streak, and the
proof that their loss at home was an anomaly. It also saw the arrival of
Alatári Súrion, who replaced the injured Fin Bólin, letting in only 10 goals
in her 13 games, and Meren Lûin, who scored a record 13 goals in her 14
games. Both Lûin and the Súrion triplets would prove to be Spaam's
driving force for the World Cup qualifying.
BSE Free Bovines 1-3 Spaam

Game Three: Spaam vs The Weegies
The Weegies were experiencing the start of their dismal qualifying season,
and Spaam were intent of giving the home crowd a win. Lûin and Súrion
shone in the end.
Spaam 1-0 The Weegies

Game Four: Spaam vs Jeruselem
The fanatical Jeruselem was to be Spaam's bogey team, which they
proved by scaring Spaam into a draw.
Spaam 1-1 Jeruselem

Game Five: Holy India vs Spaam
Holy India made Jeruselem look like tame puppies, with their controversial
mascot, the Holy Indian Tea Bag, causing trouble in their games against
the other teams. However, Spaam made sure that they would be having
the last laugh, capturing the Tea Bag, and removing the wind from the
Holy Indians' sails. Result: Lûin scoring a hat-trick and the triplets toying
with the home team.
Holy India 0-5 Spaam

Game Six: Brazillico vs Spaam
Brazillico and Spaam have a very healthy rivalry, and this was no
exception. Spaam never forgot the thrashing the Brazillicans gave them in
World Cup Six, and made sure that they didn't forget it either.
Brazillico 1-2 Spaam

Game Seven: Spaam vs The Eagles Nest
This team was the one that could've pushed Spaam out of the cup, yet
Spaam was not overly troubled by the new nation. This was a match
between the two great RPing nations.
Spaam 1-0 The Eagles Nest

Game Eight: Oglethorpia vs Spaam
Spaam made sure that everyone knew that they were serious, preventing
the highly favoured home side from running away with the win. This
ended up being Spaam's seventh straight unbeaten game.
Oglethorpia 1-1 Spaam

Game Nine: Spaam vs BSE Free Bovines
History was made when Spaam reached eight unbeaten games. More beef
jokes were made, and Súrion showed that she was fast becoming Spaam's
best ever goalkeeper, only letting in four from eight games.
Spaam 2-0 BSE Free Bovines

Game Ten: The Weegies vs Spaam
All good things must come to an end, and they finished here when Spaam
faced an improved Weegies side on their own ground. Shockingly, Spaam
failed to score a goal in this match, for the only time during qualifying.
The Weegies 1-0 Spaam

Game Eleven: Jeruselem vs Spaam
Spaam's bogey team returned, and though they didn't lose, they failed to
secure a win against the fanatical home side, leaving revenge for another
year.
Jeruselem 2-2 Spaam

Game Twelve: Spaam vs Holy India
Holy India was out for revenge, and got it when their Tea Bag army
invaded Drakken City in what will forever be known as T-Day. The game
had zero action from the tenth minute, but luckily that was all that was
needed. Lûin's goal in the 6th made sure that Spaam came away winners.
Spaam 1-0 Holy India

Game Thirteen: Spaam vs Brazillico
Spaam needed a win here to have a chance at qualifying, but Brazillico
was out for revenge. However, not even the sabotage of Spaam's RP
machine could prevent Lûin getting a hattrick and driving her team to a
last minute win. Spaam's win and Oglethorpia's draw made sure that they
would qualify with one game remaining.
Spaam 3-2 Brazillico

Game Fourteen: The Eagles Nest vs Spaam
Lûin got her lucky thirteenth goal and Spaam their third straight win in this
away game that saw Spaam clinch top qualifying spot after Oglethorpia's
second straight draw.
The Eagles Nest 1-2 Spaam

Post Qualifying Stats

[code:1:614e47e6b7]
Group 11 P W D L F A GD Pts
Spaam 14 9 3 2 25 13 +12 30 Q
Oglethorpia 14 8 4 2 27 13 +14 28 Q
The Eagles Nest 14 6 5 3 19 10 +9 23 3
Brazillico 14 5 4 5 23 17 +6 19
BSE Free Bovines 14 5 3 6 17 18 -1 18
Jeruselem 14 3 7 4 16 26 -10 16
The Weegies 14 4 3 7 17 21 -4 15
Holy India 14 1 1 12 7 33 -26 4 W
[/code:1:614e47e6b7]

Home vs Away

[code:1:614e47e6b7]
Spaam P W D L F A GD Pts
Home 7 5 1 1 10 6 +4 16
Away 7 4 2 1 15 7 +8 14
Total 14 9 3 2 25 13 +12 30
[/code:1:614e47e6b7]

Goalkeepers

[code:1:614e47e6b7]
No. Name P G GA
7. Alatári Súrion 13 10 0.77
1. Fin Bólin 1 3 3.00
[/code:1:614e47e6b7]

Goalscorers

[code:1:614e47e6b7]
No. Name P G GA
10. Meren Lûin 14 13 0.93
2. Nala Eromleb 12 7 0.58
13. Kru 10 3 0.30
5. Travis Dodd 7 1 0.14
[/code:1:614e47e6b7]

<<page one>>

Spaam

06-03-2004, 20:02

United Spaam Sports Weekly

Nationstates' Largest Sports Publication

World Cup Preview

The Heartland Dominates World Cup

The Heartland region will have the equal largest contigent in the World
Cup, with all seven of its World Cup nations qualifying. Spaam, East
Spaam, and Oddslavo all topped their groups, Nastic, Gesamtkuntswerk,
and Dennisov (who was promoted after the fall of the New Montreal
States) all finishing second, with former champion Liverpool England
squeezing in through the third place playoffs. Only the FIFA region has as
many qualifiers, but unlike the Heartland, also has as many nations
missing out.

This means that the Heartland, which has two champions and a runner up
amongst its ranks, should have at least one nation reaching the
Semifinals. Both East Spaam and Dennisov have been drawn into Group
A, Spaam into Group C, Oddslavo into Group D, Liverpool England into
Group E, and both Gesamkuntswerk and Nastic into Group F. It might also
be worthy to note that five of those seven nations are from the South East
region of the Heartland, a traditional footballing area.

Spaam Drawn Into Group Of Death

According to Murphy, Lord Most High, Spaam will be drawn into the worst
possible group. Though that did not eventuate in qualifying (that honour
went to East Spaam), it is obvious that Spaam has drawn the short straw.
Spaam is in Group C, along with Warnocks Wizards, Commerce Heights,
and Svecia. All three of those nations are in the top ten nations in
qualifying, with only Svecia bucking the trend at 22nd. Warnocks Wizards
themselves are in fact the only unbeaten team in qualifying, making
Spaam's road a long a torturous one.

Svecia is the only team that Spaam has played, meeting them in World
Cup Seven, where it went down to a penalty shootout. Spaam won and
went on to finish second after another penalty shootout against eventual
champions Errinunderra. This bodes well for Spaam's chances, and are
hoping to score a win against them. Spaam will be hoping to at least draw
against the other two teams, though Warnocks Wizards are currently
ranked 3 in the world. In any case, Spaam has qualified, and win or lose,
that is all that matters.

Tanah Burung

06-03-2004, 20:14

Lemmitania

06-03-2004, 20:46

Match day one results for the group stage have been TGed.

Lemmitania

06-03-2004, 20:48

ooc announcement for those who didn't read my last 2 RP's:

There are no Clones remaining in the Tanah Burung starting line-up. They may be brought on as substitutes, but their unfortunate tendency to explode during play has led to a return to the WC11/Founding Nations starting line-up. We now return you to regularly scheduled programming.

If you're talking to Clem, et al, regarding their comments in the opening ceremony broadcast-- just count yourself lucky they didn't declare the entire team evil zombpires. Heh heh.

Tanah Burung

06-03-2004, 21:14

If you're talking to Clem, et al, regarding their comments in the opening ceremony broadcast-- just count yourself lucky they didn't declare the entire team evil zombpires. Heh heh.

I would never presume to comment upon the words of the Great Clem, and associated cohorts.

DAILY CROCODILE

"Natural-born humans rule."

That was the comment of most of the 5,000-odd fans who have made the journey to Lemmsburgh for Tanah Burung's two opening matches against Reijistania and Nikea.

The uncloned Crocodiles line-up of aging footballers is playing some great football. After an away win over Big Butts in their first day back, they arrived fresh for their openeer at the Shattered Stadium. This is the team that beat the curse of Lemmitania in the Founding Nations Cup, beating the Lemmings twice.

And now the Crocs returned to Lemmitania, where two successive World Cups saw a previous version of the Crocs lose badly. That defeat, which has hung over the team for years, led to Bi Kikere being fired as coach back in World Cup 6.

Older and wiser, if no more tactful, Bi Kikere took today's result as a vindication. "To borrow an expression from a country that has not been able to join us at this World Cup (may they rest in peace): There is no curse. There never was a curse. There never will be a curse again. The big news is: we can win in Lemmitania."

But what about the actual competition, coach?

"Oh, the Orange-Blues are a tough side, a very tough side. But it looks like black and green is even tougher."

Reijistania used its speed to create several chances, but Nino Konis was there each time to make several impressive saves. Play-of-the-game, this newpspaper feels, belonged to 38-year old midfielder Canabe Livit. She doesn't have the speed she once had, but Livit still has every bit of the finesse that has made her one of the country's top playmakers. Livit's ball control enabled her to beat two defenders and complete a perfectly-placed pass to the 31-year old right foot of Taur Matan Ruak. Ruak unleashed one of his trademark power shots and put the Crocs up 1-0.

The second goal saw Maria Miskita get a touch on Zachary Alkatiri's curving corner kick, just enough to put the ball over the goal line. With a 2-0 lead, the Crocs took Ruak off and played to protect the lead in a 5-4-1 formation. The defenders were able to hold off Orange-Blue efforts to get a goal back. Crocodiles fans sat perched on the edge of their seats until the final whistle when they erupted into the biggest party they have celebrated in many years.

A win in Lemmitania -- is it the beginning of a return to respectability for Tanah Burung? We'll see shortly when the Crocs face Nikea in this same stadium.

Total n Utter Insanity

06-03-2004, 22:36

Belless does it again!

When all three TnUI goalkeepers were run over by a runaway bus last night, and then trampled by pursuing police, Alan Belless stepped up to the plate. He was then told we were playing football not baseball and put on some gloves. Liverpool England seemed unable to get anything past him, but without Belless up front the Insanician attack looked as shoddy as the ariddian economy. It finished TnUI 0 LE 0

Antaeus Rising

06-03-2004, 22:58

After a closed session the President announced that any hostilities with The Belmore Family would be put aside for the time being as the lost in human and belmorian life wouldn’t be worth it.

Then the focus turned to the Antaen national side, who were about to kick off their match against the Halfassedstates. Halfassed first struck in the 5th minute, a low curling ball managed to get past the struggling Antaen keeper. They struck again on 16 minutes from a short range freekick. By the time they scored their third goal in the 40th minute some of the Antaen fans had had enough and decided to leave during the interval. In the second half the Antaens played like a different team, whatever the manager had said to them, it worked. They opened their account in the 50th minute with a nice passing move followed by a long run down the wing and an excellent header into the near corner. The second came after a defender tripped Salo in the box. Salo converted the ensuing penalty. Some of the Antaen fans had returned when they heard about the 2 goals, hoping they could at least grab a point from the opening match, and they weren’t disappointed when Salo managed a long range drive that powered past the keeper. The Antaens kept up the pressure going for the win, but the Halfassed team stood firm. It finished Antaeus Rising 3 Halfassedstates 3

imported_Nikea

06-03-2004, 23:15

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Open World Cup With Win
3-2 win over qualifying rivals Aquilla gives youngsters confidence
by Markenin Markenel

LEMAGO, LEMMITANIA(NP) - It was a very tough trip for the Nikean youngsters, parents, and supporters who made the trip to Lemmitania for World Cup XII.

"It was a long trip for the whole lot of us," manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel remarked. "We had to land the plane in a nearby country, and then a bus dropped us off at the Lemmitanian border. We walked from there, some of the kids are scared of boats so we had to walk."

It seemed like good exercise, because the side was in excellent shape for the first round opening matchup with the familiar Aquillan side. "We want to take the ball and shove it up their asses," 18-year-old keeper Darinen Feretel told the press before the match. "We all had exams in qualifying for that match, so we had to substitute our team with a bunch of scarecrows wearing our jerseys so it looked like we had a team. The fact that we only lost 4-0 just shows how inept this Aquilla team is." He looked rather fierce, overcome by both the passion for avenging the 4-0 loss, and also due to the fact that his new girlfriend, 19 year old actress Jenninrë Mortethel was standing beside him. She looked rather impressed.

So when the match started, and the Aquillan players saw that the team was not the scarecrow side fielded by Tenerethitel in the last match, complaints abound were launched from the Aquillan side of the field. Arguments ensued, until the referee told the Aquillans to stuff it. Fyren Okimatel laughed, and received a yellow card.

The Aquillans kicked off, and the young Pandas looked fired up from the start. The yellow card caused Okimatel to become a midfield demon. The Aquillans tried numerous runs down the left side, but Okimatel was there to stop them on all occasions.

Aquilla had success down the right side of the field, however, as the Nikean players saw some of the form that had left the 6th best side in the world of late. A beautiful passing play ended in a shot that narrowly went over the bar. The continued pressure paid off, as they scored 25 minutes in with a play that left Feretel handcuffed.

The Pandas responded, however, on a horrible giveaway by an Aquillan defender in his own end, which ended up with Kitase having a clear shot on net, in the 33rd minute. It was 1-1. The Pandas took the lead, when Midorin Torendel's cross was headed in by Jeserin Keseteretel, only three minutes later. Nikea went into half time with a 2-1 lead.

Not long into the second half, Aquilla tied it up, when Okimatel, who had cooled down considerably, had his pass intercepted, which led to a quick Aquillan counter attack. Feretel blocked the first shot, but the second attempt went over the line, tying up the match at 2-2.

Okimatel finished off his eventful day with a goal off a free kick. His blast went through the wall, and dipped under the Aquilla keeper to make it 3-2. Aquilla pressed hard for the remaining 12 minutes, but Feretel made two solid saves, and the defenders kept the ball away from the line, giving the Pandas a victory

Tenerethitel was asked following the match about the rest of the competition in Group G. "Well, Tanah Burung is a solid side, and we've met them before when our country was just entering the national stage. They've slipped since then, and we're vastly improved, but I think it will be a tough match."

When asked about Rejistania, he was much more blunt with his opinion of the Orange Blues. "We could beat the Orange Blues if we replaced our team with a paper bag that said 'NIKEA' on it." We'll see if he eats those words when the teams meet each other on the last day of the group stage.

[code:1:7c82371d76]
Aquilla 2 (<player> 25, <player> 53)
v.
Nikea 3 (Kitase 33, Keseteretel 36, Okimatel 78)
[/code:1:7c82371d76]

Bedistan

07-03-2004, 00:03

BSTV - World Cup Post-Game Show
Bedistan v Squornshelous
Narrowhead Stadium - Lemsas City, Lemmitania

Joey: Well, that was certainly disappointing.

Amanda: No kidding.

Joey: Um...for those of you just tuning in, you should be ashamed at not being here to support your Lions in Lemmitania. That said, the team just came off the wrong end of a Squornshelous victory here at Narrowhead Stadium.

Amanda: This is the third time our teams have met in five years, and the Lions have failed to win any of those. A 1-0 loss in Squornshelous, a 1-1 draw at home, and now a 2-1 loss here in Lemsas City.

Joey: Credit must be given to Erik Oldenburg, though -- without him between the posts, Squorn could've put us three or four down.

Amanda: Indeed. The rest of the defense was shoddy, and I'm not happy with the attacking either.

Joey: By all accounts, neither is team manager Johnny Lewis.

Amanda: I understand fully. Because let's face it -- this loss has basically knocked us out of the Cup.

Joey: What are you talking about? There are three matches in the first round, not one.

Amanda: Think, Joey, think. The next match is against Belmorian Scandinavia...

Joey: ...which we should win easily. I don't see your point.

Amanda: Yes, we'll probably get three points from that match. But nobody in their right mind -- hell, not even anyone not in their right mind -- seriously believes we can come up with a result against Lemmitania in Lemco City.

Joey: We should still have three points, though.

Amanda: Yes. And since when is three points enough to get you through to the second round? You really need at least four. You might get through with three points, but only if another team wins everything and you get lucky on goal difference. I don't see it happening.

Joey: Amanda, you're such a pessimist. Come on. If we could draw with Tanah Burung in World Cup 5, we can beat Lemmitania in World Cup 12.

Amanda: Whatever.

Joey: Anyway, we're out of time for now. Join us again on Monday here at Narrowhead Stadium for Bedistan v Belmorian Scandinavia! For Amanda Butt and BSTV, I'm Joey Stanton. Good night.

--------------------

Final score:
Bedistan 1 (Lewey 37)
Squornshelous 2 (<player> 16, <player> 61)

Squornshelous

07-03-2004, 04:23

Squornshelous Opens Group Stage with a Win
Squornshelous recorded their second win in three games against Bedistan, this one of the 2-1 variety. Despite the win, coach Newsome was dissapointed with his team's shooting. "I just didn't feel that they played up to their ability although I have to give credit to the Bedistani golaie for the great game he played." Jamal Richards opened the scoring in the 16th minute with the first shot of the game, sending the ball flying through a tangle of defenders and attackers from 25 yards. Oldenburg was unable to react in time. The second goal of the match went to Bedistan on a 37th minute corner kick. Tolby Allen misjudged the ball and his fist struck only air, while the ball connected with Lewey's head. At halftime, the score was even, 1-1 but Squornshelous retook the lead in the 61st minute on a one-timer shot by Rivera. Phillip Knorr lead him with a pass from the outside and he slammed the shot home from 17 yards out.

Scoring Summary
S Richards (16)
B Lewey (37)
S Rivera (61)

Booking Summary:
none

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jackson: 7
Richards: 6
Knorr: 5
Pavon: 3
Rivera: 3
Brooks: 1

The Eagles Nest

07-03-2004, 06:19

Strike Birds Fall 2-0

Giant Zucchini Shows Rank is Validated

Davilia Stadium, Maunlik

Giant Zucchini showed why they are ranked 2nd in the world as they easily handed the Nest a 2-0 loss tonight. The Nest offense was lackluster, as perhaps the frequent traveling has finally caught up to them as Giant Zucchini scored 2 quick goals in the first 10 minutes, and then sat on the ball the rest of the time toying with the outmatched Nest midfield.

Coach Aefnen will allow his team the day off before they play their next game. Tape delay of the game will be showed at 5 pm tomorrow since the game was played at 1:30 am Nest time.

Coach Aefnen on the loss.

"We're in the world cup finals. We're playing the second best team in the nation. Anyone expect us to win? Didn't think so. Ah well, we win the next two, we qualify. The other game tied, and we are only 1 point out from qualifying."

((sorry for the short RP, been coaching at a quiz bowl tourney all day, i'm wiped and don't have creativity to think up a good story. I promise I'll be better tomorrow))

Scoring

The Eagle's Nest
None

Giant Zuchinni
Phoot 3:02
Phoot 9:58

Snub Nose 38

07-03-2004, 15:12

*we are somewhere in the great alkali desert of the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38, interupting world cup 12 group play. a couple of extremely colorful tents have been pitched in the sand around this oasis, camoflage netting hanging protectively over them. perimeter guards have been posted, who obviously have no clue whatsoever what a perimeter guard is, or is supposed to do. in the center of the camp are a few scrubby trees and bushes surrounding a fairly decent water hole, sitting next to which, on a couple of folding camp chairs, we find our heros...er...and heroines. we shuffle over through the sand, and listen in on the conversation - such as it is.*

- ...flippin' Croc's won, blast it!
- Oh, Ben, be reasonable. What difference does that make to us now?
- Eileen is right, Ben. The Hooligans were eliminated. What happens between now and four years from now - what does it matter to us?
- What does it matter? You lame-brain! IT ALWAYS MATTER'S TO US! Especially when the Tanah Burung Crocs win! Especially when they win with Bi Kikere managing!
- Don't be rude, Margaret. You're always so rude.
- Shut up, pinhead. No, I'm sorry - that's an insult to pinheads the world over.
- Stick to the topic. Tanah Burung won. Gack! Saying that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth - sort of like the castor oil me mum used to force down my throat.
- Your mum isn't part of the discussion, Ben. What can we do about the Croc's winning?
- Not much, Margaret.
- Well, I could get out my rubber chicken...
- No, no...we have to be fair. The Hooligans aren't in it, so there'll be no sacrificial supplication of the random number gods from us.
- @(*@)%_$^!^#_%9 (several select expletives have been deleted here by the editor. Margaret seems to have a sailor's vocabulary.)
- Well, then...how about sending off a little gift to Bi? A select raspberry, or maybe two?
- Much as I like the sentiment, Justin, I think we'd better restrain ourselves. We didn't make the cut. They did, and won their first match. What sort of response could we expect?
- Probably a couple of sour grapes.
- Exactly, Eileen. So, we do nothing.
- But...
- I know, I know. So many jabs, so many witticisms, so many barbs and puns and nasty little...and not just for the Tanah Burung Crocs – we’ve got ‘em for everybody!
- We’ll just have to save them up. Right now, we have to remain quiet, apart, patient...
- We're not good at that.
- Well, maybe we need practice, then.
- I can't stand it. Crocodiles winning matches, and Hooligans watching it on TV. It's just not right!

*they seem upset. we don't want to disturb them - we're not sure what the consequences would be if we did, and have no intention of finding out. we turn and shuffle back through the sand to we're our suv is parked. time to go back to civilization - where one can find a good brew.*

------------------------
ooc: good luck to all.

07-03-2004, 17:22

TIMWAY DRAWN INTO GROUP OF DEATH BY INSULT

Timway was drawn into the Group of Death by Insult, with both TnUI and TBF also in the group, along with Liverpool England. Timway's Cup Revival would certainly be complete if they can advance from this group of historically sucessful countries, at least successful on the pitch. As not many recall, Timway advanced to the semifinals a mere three Cups ago, and proceded to not advance for the next two cups. But, Timway is back, with only one loss in qualifying, yet still not enough to win the group, as Warocks Wizards was undefeated. Hopes are high for the team, as supreme master Mr Smith leads a very confident and thick-skinned team into group of Death by Insult play, which begins later today with an RP that this reporter may or may not deliver, as he is soon to be shuttled off to an undisclosed location to avoid insult, as he is not as thick-skinned as the players on the team.

07-03-2004, 17:30

TIMWAY DRAWS TBF?

Timway's president Mr. Tumbleweed today reached a new intellectual high, as he drew a circle vaguely resembling, if one takes off their eyeglasses, the nation of TBF. It is well known that he was trying to draw the nation of Timway, but that, as everything associated with Mr. Tumbleweed, is just details, as he claims everything wrong with Timway is due to a mistake in interpretation by the general public.

In other news, Timway drew with TBF today. The national leaders got together and had a drawing competition, in which Mr. Tumbleweed predictably succumbed to a(A.?) Belmore. The national leaders were told to draw a "line." Mr. Tumbleweed's "line" looked much like a semicircle, but he claimed this was a result of distortion ochestrated by the opposition party. Unlike the national football team, Timway's president is not very good at drawing.

Finally, in sports today, Timway's national football squad fought to a draw with TBF, the score being 1-1. This result was not unusual for Timway, who had five draws in qualifying. However, the team was incredibly upbeat, noting that they draw with more regularity than the president. Also, TBF was the top seed in the group, and ranked #5 in the world, bringing the #34 Timway squad much glee and confidence going into their next game.

Europa Brittania

07-03-2004, 17:49

Dennisove Drop against World Champions

WORLD CUP TWELVE- Shirking off the somewhat recurrent curse of failing to qualifiy following championship wins reigning winners EB overcame old school opposition in the form of Dennisov, coming away with a comprehensive 4-1 victory despite resolute opposition, and quality football from both sides.

Europa Brittania lined up 4-3-3.

---------------------------Hansen------------------------

--Zeroina---------O'Hanrahan---Zlitchrix---------Stacey--

-----------------Huntly---Kiwitz---Veroii----------------

----------------Lomardi----Lionel---Lester---------------

Dennisov proved the sharper of the two on the off, forcing a strong fist from Hansen to meet a an inswinging corner shortly after four minutes of play. Preferring to push forward and try not to allow their undermanned midfield to be swamped, the three man forward line spent much of the first half chasing shadows. Solid Dennisov defending cut off their supply, and worse was to come.

A poorly cleared effort from Huntly fell kindly to Dennisov on the edge of the Brittanan area. A powerful but predictable shot cut inside, but took the slightest of deflections of Kiwitz, enough to wrongfoot Hansen, and send the ball into the back of the net.

The scores remained so at half time, with the world champions behind.

Renewed by the interval, it was Brittania who struck first. A long ball into the Dennisove eighteen yard line was nodded on by Lionel, who found a speedy Lionel cutting in left, and deftly chesting the dropping ball, rifled it home with a superb left footed effort.

Dennisov remained unbroken,and came within inches of returning a deficit. A curling cross overpowered slightly, and looked to be sneaking in the left hand post before Hansen through himself to his right, and tipped the ball round the post.

Chances were rued, and EB took the lead on fifty nine minutes. A corner was punched powerfully by the Dennisov keeper, but was launched back in on the volley by O'Hanrahan, and taken down well by Lomardi, whose effort rattled the post, only for Lionel to manage a tap in, and a brace.

Zlitchrix was cautioned on sixty minutes for dissent.

Dennisov were not to be shown up, and only a dubious call from the assistant referee overruled what seemed a clear cut chip of Hansen, who despairingly snatched the ball away when it seemed over the line and in.

Agony compounded when Lomardi seemed to have the ball away and bearing down on goal when a neeedless challenge from behind brought a foul, and a penalty.

Suprisingly enough, Lionel declined his hat-trick on the kick, and defaulted to the team specialist, Lomardi.

The net near burst as the ball was blasted in, and a three to one scoreline set up.

Taking control, Lomardi blasted well wide despite having the time and space to take a more efforted shot. Dennisov came close through another corner kick, but managed only a header over the bar.

A final goal ten minutes from time sealed it, the unlikely Gordon O'Hanrahan collecting his eighth international goal, meeting a Lionel corner to power one past the Dennisv defence and keeper, to end the game at four goals to one.

FINAL SCORE

Europa Brittania 4 Dennisov 1
Lionel 48, 59 PLAYER23

Lemmistana

07-03-2004, 17:59

EDIT: This was supposed to be CH.

Svecia is the only team that Spaam has played, meeting them in World Cup Seven, where it went down to a penalty shootout.
Hey, I beat you on penalties in the Harmony Cup semifinal :P

RP Bonus Tweaked By Leading Spaaming Publication, Spaamers Come Away With 2-0 Win
NORENTAI, KAZE PROGRESSA - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs got off to a bad start in the first round, making World Cup 12 the first time that they did not win the first game of the first round. It all started minutes before kickoff, when the Progressan security allowed the Spaamanian Spammers of United Spaam Sports Weekly to tweak the RP bonus machine, giving them a huge advantage later in the game. Noel Hicks, who happened to be in position to see the event, protested to WCC officials at the match, but to no avail. The match began with a goal in the 2nd second, apparently caused by the thousands of pages of United Spaam Sports Weekly being spewed out by the machine. Several Manhattanites in the crowd began splattering the machine with tomatoes, but the practice only led to a slight reddening of the pages being shot onto the field by the machine. By the 8th minute, the pile of newspapers had become higher than the stands, and without the goals, no one knew what to do. As the machine lost its ability to pile papers on to the top of the stack, Alan Belmore (returned to his position as backup defender, but taking over for an injured Darren Yee) tripped, knocking the ball off of the massive stack on the Manhattanite side of the field. The referee, slightly confused, counted it as an own goal against Belmore. The match continued to drag on, but a line that the Spaamanians had formed along their side of the stack of papers prevented any goals from getting past. The match would end 2-0 in favor of Spaam, leaving a huge mess behind for the Progressans to clean up.
Final Score:
Commerce Heights 0
Spaam 2 (A. Belmore #n+1 OG 9) - FT

Rejistania

07-03-2004, 18:04

OOC: I assumed that the clones are still subs. I hope this is ok.

IC:
After the match against Tanah Burung, the mood in the rejis team was bad, perhaps that wasn't surprising after they have lost 0-2. The team and mascot JuMeh, also known as Ila Iles, talked about the match.

Nana Daki (goalie): We slani lost 0-2! They scored tice!
Suijen Relek (substitute midfielder): They are allied with demons, so how could we play!
Laxtu Takil (co-coach): That's no reason to run away when I want to substitute you in.
Hexen Imdila (coach): The clones didn't play, they were only substitutes!
Suijen Relek: Kikere'he could also make some substitutions. I don't want to come near to these persons with splitted souls.
Laxtu Takil: You are totally superstitous!
Suijen Relek: And you aren't? Who is the one of us, who always carries a sign of H'kunije with him?
Laxtu Takil: It also works if I don't believe in it!
Hexen Imdila: Stop the needless discussions about who is the most superstitous person! We lost and there were some reasons for it. Who can give me some?
Seda Kansu (defender): I think our defense was sometimes too weak.
SyLy (substitute forward): Our team was too superstitous. We all feared the clones.
Inkil Xika~o (substitute defender): The Tanah had more experience then we. they outsmarted us much too often.
Ila Iles (JuMeh, the orange-blue hedgehog): The opponents were slani better! (some players laugh) Hey, it's han-hi-len-ly true!
Hexen Imdila: perhaps they were, but does that mean to give up before the match started? You had a chance to beat them, but you had to much fear to do it. You gave up before the match started!
Suijen Relek: But...
Hexen Imdila (interferes): I know your problems with the clones! But I never want to see this kind of reaction again before a match! No matter if the team constists of clones, tomatoes, zombpires or anything similar, you understood me? (the team makes noises, which sound like 'yes') Good, remember it on the next matchday!

Spaam

07-03-2004, 18:06

The Belmore Family

07-03-2004, 22:10

OOC: Sorry it's short, got to write an MUN resolution.

TBF drawn with Total n Utter Insanity (Due to no fault of the perfect Lemmitanians)

In a tense draw last night The Belmore Family learnt their matchups for our 8th Cup. In spot 2, Timway, In spot 3, Liverpool England and in spot 4 Total n Utter Insanity. All in a draw which Thomas Wickersham described as "2 pixies, floundering about in the gay capital of FIFA, pretending to act under the control of Lemmitania."

The height of the draw was, however Timway's sobs as they thought they had been drawn with us, Tanah Burung and Squornshenelous. They became the laughing stock of the room but thanks to 1 particularly pleasnt Leemmitanian jounalist (of course all Lemmitanians are great, you've got to love them, LEMMITANIANS ARE GOD!).

The game we are all lookingg forward to is the Insinian game. Our only previous game against them was in WC6 when we lost 2-1. Thomas Wickerdham described the game as "a chance to give those w***ers a good b*****ing."

(The government would like to comment that they are not editing newspaper results as to get favourable results)

Svecia

08-03-2004, 00:08

VILÄMNA TIMES

SVECIA FALL ON CLOSING GOAL
Strojng match overshadowed by final 10 minutes
Monday, 7 March

Svecia have dug themselves a hole with an early loss to Warnock Wizards, a team which Svecia have not faced before. Perhaps the Lightning came out too complacent, assuming that since the two teams have not met, Svecia would have the upper hand, and indeed it seemed like Svecia would, after a 45th minute volley by Fransisco Carati whizzed past the Wizards keeper. The Svecian side kept the ball out of their half of the field for much of the first half as well, only giving up 3 shots, with none of them falling between the goal frame.

The second half was all Warnock, however. Warnock gained possession off the kickoff, and never relinquished their pressure, although they were repeatedly frustrated by the stolid Svecian defenders and goalkeeper. Finally, though, the pressure cracked the wall and Svecia let in two goals, one in the 50th minute and the last one coming in the final 5 minutes of the match.

Perhaps Svecia just got tired, or perhaps they were playing above their level, but their hard effort went for naught as Warnock goes on to win the first match 2-1.

Match Facts from SVECIA v. WARNOCK WIZARDS
Svecia:
Goals - 1
Shots - 9
Shots on Goal - 5
Fouls - 12
Possession - 43%

Warnock:
Goals - 2
Shots - 13
Shots on Goal - 9
Fouls - 14
Possession - 57%

MATCHCAST FROM SVECIA v WARNOCK WIZARDS
Pregame:
Welcome to the exciting first round group stage matchup between the third ranked Warnock Wizards and the 22nd Svecia Lightning.

Svecia should be no pushover, however, for the Wizards. Svecia just missed finishing first in their group after losing in the final qualifying game and allowing the Halfassedstates to slip by into first.

It's a beautiful day here in Kaze Progressa as the two teams head out onto the pitch for their respective national anthems.

The Svecian anthem is played first.

Now the Warnock anthem.

Warnock will be wearing their red and white striped shirts, Svecia are in their familiar yellow and blue.

1' WHISTLE TO START PERIOD

2' Svecia to kick off. Carati passes back as the teams begin their World Cup.

2' The yellow and blue Lightning don't look the least bit intimidated by the more highly regarded Wizards as Svecia push forward and control the ball.

4' SHOT ON GOAL SVE Carati breaks free and streaks into the Wizards' box but it comes to nothing.

8' CORNER KICK SVE

9' SHOT ON GOAL SVE The kick was on target but Belagt's header was right to the keeper, Globtakh.

13' SHOT WAR Wornock had a brief chance there, but their counter attack was wasted as Ishklash shot a weak dribbler wide of the mark.

16' SHOT SVE Carati nutmegs the Warnock defender, but his shot is wide.

19' SHOT SVE And Svecia almost had the lead but Swach's shot bang off the post. It was possible that Wizard keeper Globtahk got a finger on it as it flew past.

20’ Warnock clears after a mad scramble in the box.

24' OFFSIDE SVE The Svecia pressure continues to mount but Carati's goal was called back as the linesmen flag is raised.

40' Almost done with the first half here and Warnock has only had but a few chances. Most of the play has taken play on the Wizard's half of the pitch. Svecia is still looking for the rewards of all their pressure.

46+’ GOAL SVE And in the dying minutes of the first half Svecia finds the back of the net. Carati breaks in behind the Wizard denfese to hammer home a cross from Solskjaer.

47+' WHISTLE - END OF PERIOD

There's the whistle. Join us again after the break for the conclusion of the match.

46’ WHISTLE - START OF PERIOD

46’ We’re on for the second half.

47’ Now it’s Warnock’s turn to push forward.

48’ SHOT ON GOAL WAR Their coach must have given his players a good talking to during halftime.

49’ SHOT ON GOAL WAR Another shot knocked out by Svecian keeper van Meer.

50’ SHOT WAR That one was close. A shot just off the bar.

50’ Goal!

50’ GOAL WAR Warnock has equalized early here in the second half. Gabdul slides in after picking up a cross and blasts it home from 5 yards.

55’ SHOT ON GOAL WAR Almost another goal as Ishklash heads a cross to the right of van Meer.

58’ Warnock is continuing to push forward. Svecia has had control of the ball only a fraction of the time so far this half.

64’ Svecia control the ball in the Wizard defensive third for the first time this half, but the ball quickly changes possession and Warnock clears.

70’ SHOT ON GOAL WAR A 22 yard blast by Bublok is blocked but falls to the feat of Akhklash who proceeds to shoot it over the bar.

78’ Warnock’s efforts have been coming to naught much like Svecia’s in the first half. Could we see a repeat of Svecia’s final minute goal?

79’ What a game! Warnock pushes forward in search of the winner. Bublok shows some Warnock dribbling skill and wins a free kick near midfield.

82’ SHOT SVE Belagt gives Svecia their first shot of the half but it is too far right.

83’ Svecia push forward now, hoping to complete their upset of Warnock.

84’ SHOT ON GOAL SVE Svecia almost capitalize as Belagt puts Solskjaer through, but his shot is punched over the bar.

84’ CORNER SVE

85’ SHOT ON GOAL SVE Ohhhh! How close was that! Carati’s header heads for the left side of the goal but defender Ghaztrak looked like he blocked the ball with his arm. The referee signals for play to continue, however.

86’ This game is starting to wind down with neither team seeming to be able to break the deadlock.

86’ Warnock counter-attack.

87’ Warnock are starting to turn the screw again with Svecia finding it difficult to keep up with the Wizards’ passing.

88’ There it is!

88’ GOAL WAR Gabdul puts Warnock on top! A minute ago it looked like Svecia would get the go ahead goal but Warnock counters with their own show of finesse.

90’ Svecia desperately send the ball forward looking for the equalizer.

93+’ CORNER SVE

93+’ Could there be a final twist?

93+’ No it’s blocked from 3 yards. Warnock clears.

94+’ WHISTLE - END OF PERIOD

94+’ And there’s the final whistle! This has been one of the best games of the tournament so far: a little bit of everything - goals, skill, a comeback - dramatic

Lemmitania

08-03-2004, 03:43

Live from Lemco City this is the Voice of the Lemmings, Clem Gilson, bringing you coverage of the twelfth World Cup of football on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, your national team takes on Belmorian Scandinavia in the first match of the Cup. Four years ago, the Lemmings came out as defending champions and stank up the qualifiers like an overripe cheese. They scraped into the tournament only to fold like a bi-fold door. They’re back this time with a top-ten ranking that many pundits are calling a bit too generous, in a group that’s likely to be anything but forgiving. After the Flying Belmores: Scandinavian Edition, they’ve got perennial top sides Bedistan and Squornshelous to deal with. And for those of supersititious bent, the fact that the Lemmings’ second-worst performance ever in a World Cup came the last time they hosted, is always close at hand. Will it be an early exit once again for the co-hosts? Or will they bounce back from a performance that should rightfully have knocked them right out of the top ten? It’s thirty minutes to kickoff, and joining me to discuss these and other important questions are your commentators for tonight’s game, Lana Maelstrom and Gil Lemson. Gil, Lana, welcome to the broadcast.

Lana: Thanks, Clem, a pleasure to be ‘ere.

Gil: Ahhh, yes. Nice to be back in the old broadcast booth again.

Clem: Is it? You’re looking forward to calling football matches, are you?

Gil: Wull, not as such, but one advantage of me name change is that LRN offered me a bigger contrac’ than I’d seen in years, if only I’d come back.

Clem: What about Mr. Rockson’s Neighborhood?

Gil: That was all well an good, but the novelty of chil’ren wears off after a whoile, you know?

Clem: Hmm.

Gil: An’, luckily, they grow up, so you don’t ‘ave to deal wit’ ‘em forever. Once Opie got to be about fifteen, the ‘ole chil’ren’s television thing got old.

Clem: And then, of course, there’s the fact that you ceased to be Mr. Rockson.

Gil: You mean when I cancelled the show?

Clem: I mean when you changed your name so you could sue me for the title ‘Dean of Lemmitanian sports.’

Gil: I would never do somethin’ loik that, Clem. You oughta should know me better.

Clem: How can you sit there are deny it? There was a lawsuit!

Gil: Shemp filed a lawsuit. I never did.

Clem: I was served by your solicitor, Gil. Paperwork with your name on it.

Gil: Wot name?

Clem: Grant Rockson.

Gil: Oh, ‘im. Wull, that ain’t me.

Clem: Are you crazy?

Lana: Jus’ ‘cause you changed your name doesn’t mean it wasn’t you, Gil.

Gil: I think to ‘ave this conversation, firs’ we need to set the boundaries of wot we mean by ‘identity.’

Clem: The hell we do! You don’t get absolved of responsibility for your past actions just by changing your name!

Gil: Don’t you?

Clem: Of course not!

Gil: Seems to work that way if you ask me.

Clem: ...You know, it does seem to work that way in your case, when I really think about it.

Gil: Not that I ever was absolved of any responsibilities by changin’ me name in the past, or nothin’, mind you.

Clem: Look, we’ll put off the conversation about your suing me, and the absolutely stupendously awful consequences that resulted from that--

Lana: Which I warned ‘im about.

Clem: --which Lana warned you about. Let’s try and talk a little about the Lemmings and their chances this time out. Okay?

Gil: Sure, sure. So ‘oo’s on the team these days? ‘enny ‘enneman? ‘Quantum’ Mick Chang? Lemma Mingstein?

Clem: Well, Henny’s kid Horace and Mick’s kid Rick are on the team. And Lemma’s still the defensive coach.

Gil: It’s jus’ loik old times. Nex’ they’ll bring back Maad Zach.

Clem: Don’t be silly.

Lana: I’ve got the roster ‘ere. No big surprise to most Lemmitanian football fans, Coach Mickelson ‘as an almost entirely new set of faces this time aroun’. After the mediocre showing in World Cup Eleven, ‘e di’n’t bring back anybody but Chang an’ ‘enneman. The firs’-team ‘keeper this year is Elemtra Walpole, a bit of a surprise choice from the Lemvoola Leemrats. Walpole’s the youngest player the Lemmings ‘ave ever fielded in innernational play, at nineteen. She turned pro at sixteen.

Clem: That was a big scandal that all our Lemmitanian listeners’ll remember well.

Lana: She can be spectacular-- but to my mind, she’s reminiscent of Joe Lally, ‘oo played in the eighth an’ ninth cups. Joe was known for ‘is ‘ot an’ cold play. When ‘e was on, ‘e was one of the best in the game. But then, every once in a while, ‘e’d get blown out for four goals.

Clem: You want consistency from your goalkeeper, not just spectacular plays. Better to have someone who gives up a goal every match than someone who gives you three shutouts then surrenders four.

Lana: In Joe’s case, that fourth game came durin’ the knockout stage of World Cup Eight, and sent us ‘ome.

Clem: Melanie Melsterson, probably the best ‘keeper the Lemmings have ever fielded, retired two years ago, and elected not to try out for the World Cup Twelve squad. She’ll be a tough act to follow.

Lana: The defenders this time aroun’ are Zoot Limms, Laura “Lumbago” Lemstein, Rick Chang, an’ Ming Leem. Limms an’ Leem, on the opposite wings, so to speak, ‘ail from Lemago, where they’re used to playin’ in a 3-4-3 formation. So there’ll be some adjustment for ‘em to ‘aving the extra defender in between ‘em. Lemstein plays for Lemwark, an’ she’s a good, solid presence in the middle of the backfield. Very quick feet, an’ she can stick to ‘er opponent through wotever fancy footwork they wanna throw at ‘er. Chang plays for Lemmington, where ‘e’s used to a three-person formation as well.

Clem: But the Vipers’ defense had the best goals-against ratio in the league the last two years, and Chang’s tackling record is a big part of the reason.

Lana: Few are better’n Rick at takin’ the ball away from the opposition. An’ ‘e’ll be captain this time aroun’, followin’ in ‘is dad’s footsteps. In the midfield, we’ve got Lottie Lemburger of the Lemco City Lions, ‘orace ‘enneman, comin’ back for ‘is second Cup an’ a regular for the Leemrats; Micaela Lemjackson from Los Lemmings, an’ Lemsistrata Cleopatta from Lemago. Coach Mickelson goin’ with a couple of attack-minded midfielders in ‘enneman an’ Lemjackson, an’ a couple of defensive ones in Lemburger an’ Cleopatta. An’ the forwards are Lemmington’s Walloo Lemgarg an’ Lemco City’s Lemtello Li. Li bein’ the bes’ striker in Lemmitania roight now.

Clem: Some feel that Lemgarg’s the superior striker.

Lana: Wull, Lemgarg moight’ve scored a couple more goals las’ season, but ‘e played three more games, as well. An’ ‘e ‘asn’t got Lemtello’s speed or, accordin’ to most writers, ‘is intelligence.

Clem: According to most Lemconder writers, Li’s more intelligent. The rest of the sporting world thinks that IQ-test business was just a phony stunt for publicity.

Lana: Wot, you don’t think Lemtello ‘as an IQ?

Clem: Of course he has an IQ. I’m just not sure it’s really 208.

Lana: Wotta you think it is? An’ I’d advise you to think carefully befoe you speak, Clem. A ‘ole lot of Lowlanders are listenin’ to this broadcast.

Clem: Look, I have nothing against Lemtello Li. I’ve just never heard of anyone having an IQ of 208. Hell, his brain would probably explode.

Gil: Wot?! Wot’s this about explodin’ brains? ‘oose brain’s explodin’?

Clem: Nobody, just go back to sleep.

Gil: I wasn’t sleepin’. I was watching the teams practisin’.

Clem: Oh yeah? Did you see anything interesting?

Gil: Wull... I ain’t sure for certain, but I think I see Quantum Mick Chang down there. Back from the dead, so to speak.

Clem: That’s Rick Chang, as we were just discussing. Mick’s son. but I suppose I’d better get used to that one, ‘cause you’ll probably be confusing them the whole tournament.

Lana: I’m willin’ to bury the ‘atchet regardin’ Lemgarg an’ Li, Clem. We can let Li’s superior play decide it.

Clem: Fine, fine. So what about the Lemmings’ chances? Fair-to-middling? Decent? Mediocre?

Lana: I’d say, about ‘decent.’ Though I agree with the writers ‘oo say bein’ ranked seventh in the world is prolly to ‘igh for them, there’s an innerestin’ fact about the rankings that not many people ave reported on. If you look at the raw scores underlyin’ the ranks, you’ll see that there’s nary a difference between four an’ fourteen.

Clem: How are the raw scores determined?

Lana: They’re generated by Stats Progressa, which is part of the footballing authority in Kaze Progressa. Some sort of computer forumla is used taking into account each team’s performance for the past few Cups.

Clem: I remember rank used to be straightforward. Wherever you finished in one Cup, that was your ranking going into the next one.

Lana: Yup. And you’ll recall that for many years rank meant nex’ to nothin’. Eight or ten unranked teams would qualify every Cup.

Clem: Not the last few Cups. Though I never understood the rankings for the last one.

Lana: Me neither. All I can say is, ‘ooever put the Lemmings at number one was a misguided individual.

Clem: So your point about the scores underlying the rankings is that although the Lemmings are seventh overall, the stats indicate that they’re only marginally better than the fourteenth-placed team.

Lana: Yep. Not that statistics can be used to accurately predict sporting results, but we always like talkin’ about ‘em. So there you ‘ave it.

Clem: Huh. Well, the officials are bringing the captains out to midfield for the toss-- that’s Rick Chang for the Lemmings, and Scalan Belmore for the Flying Scandinavians. Belmore’s going to call it heads, and heads it is. So the Scandinavians will begin with possession, and we’ll be right back for the kickoff after these important messages.

...

Clem: ...Belmore pressing the attack, and Walpole crouches, getting ready to dive for the shot. He gets past Lemstein, in the box, and Chang tackles!

Lana: Great speed by Rick Chang, gettin’ over from the lef’ side durin’ that moment Belmore was settin’ to take ‘is shot. Walpole’s gonna clear it with a looong toss to ‘enneman at midfield, ‘e ‘eads it to Lemjackson, an’ the Lemmings back on the attack.

Gil: You know, I unnerstand Tanah Burung’s playin’ a bunch o’ old-timers, too.

Clem: Too? In addition to whom?

Gil: In addition to no one. They ain’t playin’ no youngsters, so I unnerstand it. Jus’ fogies an’ clones.

Clem: So why did you say they’re playing a bunch of old-timers ‘too?’

Gil: Like we are, I meant.

Clem: You’r talking about Mick Chang again, aren’t you?

Gil: An’ ‘enny ‘enneman.

Clem: Funny how they’re as spry as ever, isn’t it?

Gil: I dunno ‘ow they do it. I ‘ope I look thet good when I’m thet old.

Clem: You could always get plastic surgery. Have yourself made over to look like a cross between Rock Hudson and Cary Grant.

Gil: I already look loik a cross between Rock ‘udson an’ Cary Grant. Or so I’m told.

Clem: Sure. Naturally.

Gil: Yeah, naturally. You ain’t implyin’ I’d look like a cross between Rock ‘udson an’ Cary Grant through some unnatural means, I ‘ope, Clem?

Clem: No, no. That would be silly. So just how old are you, then, Gil?

Gil: Um... lessee... about firty-five?

Clem: Right. Heh heh.

Gil: ‘ow old are you, then?

Clem: I’m sixty-eight.

Lana: ‘ow old would Gil be, if ‘e were alive today?

Gil: I am alive.

Clem: She means the original Gil. The one who died in a particle accelerator accident in Holloden.

Gil: Oh, roight. ‘im.

Clem: He’d be seventy.

Lana: But ‘e wouldn’t look it.

Clem: No, he’d look about forty-five.

Gil: ‘ow old are Mick Chang an’ ‘enny ‘enneman?

Clem: I think Mick is fifty-six. And Henny’s fifty-eight.

Gil: An’ jus’ look at ‘em! Scamperin’ around loik a couple o’ regular spring chickens. Remind me of Fritz Xoom, they do.

Clem: Ah, yes. ‘Scamperific’ Fritz Xoom. It’s been a long time since the Lunatic Goofballs have entered a team in the Cup.

Gil: Good old Goofballs.

Lana: After a lot o’ midfield action, ‘orace ‘enneman’s passed it to Li up front, an’ Li an’ Lemgarg ‘ave only one defender between ‘em. Li passes to Lemgarg, an’ ‘e takes the shot; goaltender Alan Scandmore gets a ‘and on it though, an’ it’s over the net. Li’s gonna throw it in.

Gil: They ought bring back all the old-timers an’ ‘ave a special tournament jus’ for them.

Clem: They did, last year.

Lana: ‘enneman again with the ball, up to Lemjackson, pressured by Salan Scooby, an’ she passes to Lemgarg. Lemgarg facin’ Melbore, waitin’ to see if ‘e wants to go right, or left.

Gil: They could call it the Fogies’ Cup. Did you say they did?

Clem: They did. But it was called the Founders Cup.

Gil: Huh. Jus’ goes to show, wot they won’t think of next.

Lana: Lemgarg thinks better of a shot an’ passes it back out to Lemburger. She gives it across to ‘enneman, ‘oo’s directin’ traffic.

Clem: Maybe an under-twenty-one Cup.

Gil: Opie could play in that.

Lana: ‘enneman to Li ‘oo takes a shot past Boremel-- no, Boremel deflects, an’ ‘enneman comes up with it again.

Clem: He could play for the Lemmings, if they need somebody. Since Alces Rex didn’t qualify.

Gil: Yeh, that was jus’ plain wrong. Poor officiatin’ an’ corrupt governance, is wot that is.

Clem: Or maybe they fact that they fielded a bunch of new players who are still learning the game.

Gil: Opie’s been playin’ football since ‘is mama popped ‘im out!

Clem: Well, he’s not the only one on the team. He can’t win all the games himself.

Gil: True, true.

Lana: ‘enneman facin’ down Booscy, an’ decides to try an take it into the box ‘imself. It’s a mistake an’ Booscy tackles ‘im, comes up with the ball-- no, Scooby’s got it, but ‘e runs into Lemjackson an’ she knocks it to Lemburger. Lottie passes to ‘orace again.

Clem: I hear he’s not quite up to his mother’s level of skill, anyway.

Gil: The ‘ell ‘e ain’t! Opie’s every bit Moz, Clem.

Clem: Well, whatever. I’m sure he’ll improve with age. He’s only eighteen, after all.

Gil: If ‘e improves with age, ‘e’ll become some kind of perfect football-playin’ machine or somethin’.

Clem: Sounds good.

Lana: ‘enneman spots Li in the clear an’ lofts a beauty of a pass over Al Booscy’s ‘ead. Li gets it unner control, an’ takes a shot-- goal! ‘e planted it roight in the corner of the net past a divin’ Alan Scandmore.

Clem: So at thirty-eight minutes, the Lemmings take a one-nil lead as Lemtello Li scores the first goal of the tournament, assisted by Horace Henneman.

Gil: ‘enneman’s firs’ name is ‘enny, Clem.

Clem: Of course it is.

...

Gil: ...an’ so I said to ‘im, ‘Look, buddy, I’ve seen a skunk get waxed an’ pierced through the fore’ead. If you think puttin’ an earring on a dachsund is gonna win you points for creativity, you better go back to the drawin’ board.’ An’ ’e said--

Clem: When did you ever see a skunk get waxed and pierced?

Gil: When I was livin’ on Goofball Island. I told you all about it, years ago.

Lana: You never lived on Goofball Island, Gil. It was old Gil ‘oo lived on Goofball Island.

Gil: Oh, yeh. I forgot that.

Clem: Going before the Trademark Board and arguing that you’re actually Gil Lemson, who had his name changed to Grant Rockson in order to evade the authorities, and not just some plain old guy named Grant Rockson who happened to inherit all Gil’s property, kind of confused you, didn’t it? You seem to have a hard time thee day remembering whether you’re Gil Lemson or not.

Gil: Of course I’m Gil Lemson.

Clem: I mean whether you’re old Gil or new Gil.

Gil: I admit I’m ‘avin’ some trouble rememberin’ which Gil is which.

Clem: The Lemmings have another strong attack going here at eighty minutes, with a one-nil lead and a chance to put the game away.

Lana: These Flyin’ Scandinavians ‘ave been puttin’ up a good defense all match, but they’re gettin’ tired. They don’t ‘ave the stamina of the real Alan Belmore.

Clem: From what I undestand, no one has the stamina of the real Alan Belmore. I think the guy has some Giant Zucchini genes or something.

Lana: Loik an’ evisceratomato.

Clem: Yes, like an evisceratomato. Could that be the secret to Belmore’s years and years of success? Could it be that he’s not actually a human, but some human-zucchini-tomato crossbreed?

Lana: Would that make ‘im a brilliant striker, do you think?

Gil: Wot the ‘ell are you two talking about?

Clem: Just musing aloud.

Lana: About Alan Belmore. The fellow ‘oo scored all the Flying Belmores’ goals their first six times in the World Cup.

Gil: Sounds to me like some kinda football-playing’ machine.

Clem: Much like Opie will be one day.

Gil: Excep’ in Opie’s case, it’ll only be metaphorical.

Clem: The Lemmings still working at the Scandinavian defense, looking for an opening, and the Scandinavians trying for a steal and starting to get desperate.

Lana: So you think Alan Belmore’s mebbe a robot, then, Gil?

Gil: More likely a cyborg. I doubt a robot could play football.

Lana: That would make an’ innerestin’ theory.

Gil: It’s more than a theory. Cyborgs ‘ave been infiltratin’ ‘uman society all over the place for years.

Clem: Sure they have. Henneman’s trying again to take it into the box, here, dancing around Booscy, and Booscy going for the tackle knocked him flat. A little overenthusiasm in going for the ball, and Booscy’s going to get a yellow. Inside the penalty box, with minutes left on the clock, and Henneman will have an opportunity to close things out here. Booscy looks angry with himself, but you can hardly blame him for the move.

Lana: Not exactly a blatant foul, but ‘enneman went down ‘ard, an’ it was a good call. The defenders are linin’ up. Li’s to the lef’ and Lemgarg’s to the right. ‘enneman measurin’ ‘is steps... set... an’--

Gil: You know wot I wonder about cyborgs is, wot ‘appens to the machine ‘alf when the ‘uman ‘alf gets old an dies?

Clem: --right around the defensive line and into the net! What a beauty!

Lana: So the Lemmings look sure to win their first match of World Cup Twelve, as they take a two-nil lead on eighty-eight minutes.

Gil: Do they find some new accident victim to pop it into? Or wot?

Clem: I know I’ve said this to you like, a million times before, Gil, but what the hell are you talking about?

Gil: Cyborgs, Clem. Cyborgs. Part ‘uman, part machine. Sometimes they come from the future to kill us, like Terminator. An’ sometimes they come from the future to defend us, like Terminator Two. An’ sometimes they play football, like Alan Belmore.

Clem: Alan Belmore’s not a cyborg. Scalan Belmore’s kicking it off.

Gil: I never said Alan Belmore’s kicking it off.

Clem: And I never said you said Alan Belmore’s kicking it off. So we’re even.

Gil: You said that about Scalan Belmore as if you thought I was claimin’ that Alan Belmore was kickin’ it off.

Clem: You’re crazy.

Gil: If Alan Belmore ain’t a cyborg, then ‘ow come they call ‘im “The Cyborg?”

Clem: No one calls him that. Don’t go giving another foreign player a stupid nickname.

Gil: Me? I ain’t never given’ nobody a stupid nickname. I just pick up on the nicknames the kids are usin’.

Clem: Like Mad Zach de la Rocha.

Gil: Mad-ass Zach, they call ‘im nowadays.

Clem: Why the hell do they do that?

Gil: ‘Cause everything in Audioslavia’s got ‘-ass’ at the end of it nowadays. It’s the way all the cool kids are talkin’.

Clem: That’s dumb.

Gil: Dumbass, you mean.

Clem: Well, that’s the final whistle. The game ends with the score two-nil. So a victory for the Lemmings in their first international match in four years.

Lana: We’ll be back for the wrapup after these important messages.

NationStates Jolt Archive

Football United - World Cup 12[RP thread][Rejis victorious] - Page 3