World Cup XI Role Play Thread (Finals: The Final) [Archive] - Page 2

Audioslavia

09-01-2004, 22:41

We creamed Audioslavia

Audioslavia Creamed in Aquilla
'slaves subjected to Eric Clapton

Audioslavia suffered one of their biggest defeats ever today, going down 2-0 in Aquilla. The defeat equals their 2-0 loss to Lanky Dude eight years ago in the qualification for WC9 - where they were also drawn alongside Aquilla, that time losing 1-0 at home and drawing 0-0 away.

Audioslavia went into the game knowing that it was the most important match of the qualifiers so far, and that a loss would drop them back in the title race. The 'slaves started out tense and nervous, giving away some soft chances as Aquilla piled on the pressure. It appeared that if the 'slaves could hold out until the break they might have a chance to reorganise themselves at half-time. Unfortunately, they couldnt, and Aquilla scored after a barrage of chances.

Audioslavia came out after half-time looking like a completely different team, and created a few chances early in the second half as Willow went close twice and Bury missed a couple of long-range efforts. However, Aquilla gradually felt their way back into the game and, with half an hour left, scored again as Jackson failed to deal with a corner, giving an Aquillan striker a clean shot at goal which Pedder failed to save.

Audioslavia's attempts to get back into the game were dealt with all too easily by Aquilla, who stayed on top until the final whistle.

Final Score

Aquilla 2 (some dude 43, some dude 60) (excuse the lack of Aquillan names, the forums are messing up so i cant get on the roster thread)
Audioslavia 0

[code:1:59794c3289]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 6 6 0 0 14 0 14 18
Oddslavo 6 4 2 0 7 2 5 14
Audioslavia 6 4 1 1 8 2 6 13
Big Butts 6 2 3 1 6 5 1 9
Artemisia Absentia 6 2 1 3 4 6 -2 7
Ice Reavers 6 1 1 4 4 8 -4 4
Lynnwoode 6 1 0 5 4 12 -8 3
Mattigool 6 0 0 6 3 15 -12 0
[/code:1:59794c3289]

Fortunately, Oddslavo failed to beat Big Butts, leaving that second-place spot within reach. Next week we approach the half-way point in the qualifiers. The top two teams, Aquilla and Oddslavo, play each other and the third and fourth placed teams, Audioslavia and Big Butts, play each other. Oddslavo-Aquilla could go either way as the match is being held in Oddslavo, but Audioslavia should expect three points as they play host to an impressive-but-still-beatable Big Butts side.

The game after that is just as important, as the top four play each other again, with Oddslavo playing host to Audioslavia and Aquilla playing Big Butts. Aquilla beat Big Butts on the first day of the season and are expected to do the same again, wheras the Oddslavo-Audioslavia game could still go either way. The 'slaves have to take at least four points from the two games to have any chance of getting that elusive auto-qualification spot, but two good performances by Oddslavo in their next two games could put pay to their chances completely

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Europa Brittania

10-01-2004, 00:03

EB keep up the chase

A 2-0 defeat of Eaglet provided the former champions with a chance to close the worrying gap between the top three. A draw to Antaeus was a disappointing and frustrating way to leave qualification wide open. Both RW and AS are tied on twelve points, with EB and SI on a respective eleven. A win next is essential, and Brittanians dare not think of a failure to qualify and the terrible spectre of WC VII, which as yet is not totally forgotten.

Brazillico

10-01-2004, 01:14

OOC - I stayed up pretty much all night, so this is gonna be short and crappy.

*Scene of a man running down the narrow, dimly lit hallway of Cordova Park leading to the home dressing room*

Interviewer: Mr. De Jesus! Mr. De Jesus! May I have a word??

*A dejected De Jesus turns around*

Interviewer: You guys got the boots put to you 3-0 against Ravenspire, how do you feel?

De Jesus: Well I'm obviously disappointed in the guys. I don't think we lost that bad since WCII.

Interviewer: That's correct. Brazillico got raped 3-0 by Europa Brittania and 6-3 by 6 Pupper Runny Funnies in succession in that tournament and lost in such an embarrasing fashion since then. Now, the Halfassedstates Gambling Association has put rather favorable odds on Brazillico being in the top two of the group, does this give you confidence heading into your next match.

De Jesus: Firstly, you're quite the jackass aren't you. Secondly, I believe those odds came out before the game.

Interviewer: Nope, they came out after this shameful drubbing.

De Jesus: Well, they either didn't watch the game or they're drunk.

Interviewer: Speaking about being drunk, rumor has it that you the entire squad were intoxicated last night. Would you're partying binge perhaps explain this savage beating?

De Jesus: F*ck off.

*Picks up a chair, and throws it at the interviewer*

Interviewer: Oww! My Hip!

De Jesus: Interview's over, asshole.

*De Jesus storms off down the tunnel*

10-01-2004, 01:48

Paladins vow not to slip up

Then, Paladins slip up

After a report by the Halfassedstates news service predicted the slippage of the Paladins in the second half of the season, the coaches around the nation informed their players that if this prediction came true it would be due to a lack of faith in themselves. Then the coaches informed that that if it came true the coaches would have the players sorry asses for breakfast.

The players loudly denied any possible chance of slipping up.

Afterwards, they went out onto their home field at the Paladin Dome, and slipped up in a crucial game against 2nd place East Spaam, blowing a 3-point lead. They retain first place on goal difference, but noone's planning the victory party.

"Could we slip up badly?" asked defender Scotty Boyer. "Yep. Will we? Hopefully not."

It was a tight defense struggle through the game. Both sides came out ready to shed blood, and indeed blood was shed after a minor accident in which defender Paul Noir slipped up and broke a tooth. Subsequent to that midfielder Tyler Burns slipped on the blood. Before he could get up that slip had let the East Spaam players score.

The East Spaam side then switched to a extremely defensive set-up, and although the Paladins attacked frequently they let chances slip away, and by extension the game slipped into the hands of East Spaam.

I'm Bob Bobson, and I have just won the $500 pool amongst major sports news reporters for most gratuitous use of the word "slip"! Woo-hoo!

Bedistan

10-01-2004, 03:19

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bedistat.png
Update

Current BediStat odds for qualification:

Group 1
Lemmitania: 4-3
Eauz: 2-1
Keyshona: 3-1
The Weegies: 3-1
Busby: 5-1
Sliponia: 7-1
Jeruselem: 16-1
Avenging Altos: 30-1

Group 2
Oglethorpia: 3-2
Dark Outcasts: 2-1
NASTIC 2: 3-1
Zinkoland: 4-1
Svecia: 4-1
Timway: 8-1
Alex The Tall: 12-1
Gmlac: 30-1

Group 3
Dennisov: Evens
Snub Nose 38: 2-1
Kravoli: 3-1
Belmorian Scandinavia: 5-1
Tranquillitis: 6-1
East-Germany: 10-1
KOR3A: 20-1
Ravea: 50-1

Group 4
Rejistania: 4-3
One Red Dot: 5-3
Giant Zucchini: 5-2
Morawny: 7-2
Lanky dude: 5-1
Lubistan: 16-1
Peter Panarchy: 20-1
Shonar Bangla: 50-1

Group 5
Ravenspire: 2-1
Kaze Progressa: 2-1
Brazillico: 4-1
Spaam: 5-1
One Blue Dot: 7-1
Dead Man: 10-1
Exetonia: 12-1
Belarussian States: 30-1

Group 6
Yeah, right. Like we're going to do something that could jinx our team? No way, José.

Group 7
Europa Brittania: 2-1
Antaeus Rising: 2-1
Runaway Moose: 5-2
SterlingIce: 3-1
Akbarland: 6-1
Stella and E: 10-1
Newcuba: 16-1
Eaglet: 40-1

Group 8
Ariddia: 2-1
New Montreal States: 7-3
Nikea: 3-1
East Spaam: 3-1
Tony mag: 7-1
Belmorian Foxworthia: 10-1
Zeronia: 12-1
The Tree Mountains: 30-1

Group 9
Commerce Heights: 4-3
Kingsford: 2-1
Halfassedstates: 2-1
Defari: 5-1
Monkwearmouth: 8-1
Western pie makers: 12-1
Oilermania: 20-1
EL CID THE HERO: 30-1

Group 10
Liverpool England: 3-2
The Lowland Clans: 5-3
Iansisle: 7-3
Cockbill Street: 5-2
Anti-Nazis: 7-2
Pablicosta: 6-1
Praying2God: 10-1
Beestings: 50-1

Group 11
Oddslavo: 3-2
Audioslavia: 3-2
Big Butts: 4-1
Artemisia Absentia: 7-1
Ice Reavers: 12-1
Mattigool: 20-1
Lynnwoode: 20-1
Aquilla: betting forbidden by Bedistani law

Group 12
The Belmore Family: Evens
Kerla: 3-2
Pavesia: 3-1
God Squad: 6-1
Blood Devourers: 8-1
Vozvyshennost: 12-1
Ptolomy: 25-1
Cermania: 30-1

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 03:46

*suddenly our screen goes blank, and the audio drops off as well. the picture is replaced by a "bust" shot of the chief academician albert onestone of the academy of science of the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. a banner begins to repeatedly cross the screen at the bottom which says "We interupt our regular programming for this Academy of Science Special Health and Welfare Announcement". albert onestone begins to speak*

Fellow citizens, due to the recent outbreaks of Mad Evisceratomato Disease in an alarming number of nations, and the cavalier attitude with which some nations are treating this disaster, steps to guard the public health and welfare must be taken. As you know the Academy of Science recently banned import of Evisceratomato and Tomato products of any kind from United Spaam and Oglethorpia. The continued danger, coupled with the failure of certain nations to take appropriate actions to contain and eliminate the epidemic, require more drastic action.

Therefore, we have moved to ban the import of the following products from any and all nations: Evisceratomatoes, Tomatoes, Errinunderan Engineered Eviseratomatoes, Sauce of any kind made from any of these products or any combination of them, and any other food product that contains any amount of any of these products. Additionally banned are any sauces that are red in color, and any fruit or vegetable that is red in color. Also on the list of forbidden imports are red bouncy-balls, red jaw-breakers, red gum-balls, and any other object that is spherical, has a diameter between 5 and 15 centimeters, and is red or reddish in color.

Further, it is now illegal within the borders of the Borderlands to grow, produce, or deal in Evisceratomatoes, Tomatoes, or Errinunderan Engineered Evisceratomatoes, or to posses any quantify of any or all of these products, to include seeds, seedlings, or plants that are growing or would grow any of these products, or any food product that includes the genetic material of any of these products.

Any and all production of these banned products must cease no later than 24 hours from this announcement. Crops currently growing must be burned within that time frame.

In an effort to take this much more seriously than is necessary, it will be illegal from this day forth within the Bordlerlands to paint anything red. If the worldwide outbreaks of Mad Evisceratomato Disease are not under control in the very near future, we are contemplating a law outlawing the color red, and requiring everything that currently is red in color to be painted/dyed/otherwise re-colored.

These steps have been taken to ensure your health and welfare. Please go about your day-to-day business as usual - simply eliminate tomatoes, evisceratomatoes, eeematoes, small to medium red spherical objects, and other objects-products that have been banned from your routine.

Thank you. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

*we return - what else? - to our regularly scheduled programming*

--------------------------------------
ooc: wrote this right after Oglethorpia posted The Bureaucratic Tribune article (above) Mad evisceratomatoes discovered! FD&FAA&F labratories quarantine mad evisceratomatoes - but couldn't post it. #!@$)OUY@$ forum!

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 04:45

*we're in the manager's office at the snub nose 38 national stadium "38 special". the hooligans' manager, ben dover, feet up on the desk, is having a cold beer (also, interestingly, a "38 special"). eileen dover, assistant manager, is staring out the window, pensively sipping her beer. the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is pacing nervously back and forth with his beer, the latest edition of scuttlebutt in his hands. margaret is sprawled on the couch, head back, beer sitting on the end table, a cold compress on her forhead. the mood is grim.*

- ...with KOR3A.
- It doesn't matter who the draw was with, Eileen. What matters is, they don't seem to be able to win.
- Still, Ben, KOR3A? They're unranked - brand new to international football. The Hooligans are supposed to be a highly ranked side.
- Third, wasn't it?
- Yes, it was. I think the operative word in that sentence is "was".
- No, no, no, no, no! They will not fail! I wanna keep my estate, my title, my...
- My god, shut up, you silly little man! We've a bit more at stake here than your toys.
- Why must you always be so rude, Margaret?
- Why must you always be so stupid, pea-brain?
- Oh, cut it out. We haven't got time for this, and it certainly isn't getting us anywhere.
- I agree, Eileen. What we have to do is figure out why the Hooligans aren't playing up to their potential, and fix it. Because a few more losses, a couple more draws, and they will fail to qualify.
- And if they do, Ben, we'll either be on the run again, or exiled to Elba.
- Let's go over some basics. Margaret, you've been running the regular sacrificial supplication of the random number gods, yes?
- Of course I have.
- With real chickens, or your little rubber pal?
- Real chickens, Ben. And fresh - we're not settling for frozen. Our pal over there, his flippin' lordship and minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, has been going out for a fresh chicken every day.
- Yes, and I've been going to great trouble about it, too. I drive out of town to a little place in the country where they sell free range chicken. It takes me an hour each way, every day.
- ...Free range chicken? Is it west of the city - on the other side of the river?
- Yes, it is.
- West. Over the river. Free range chickens...
- Yes, you know, they...
- They don't pen them up. They let the chickens run about and eat whatever they come across.
- Right. It's better for the chickens, and...
- And they eat whatever the come across.
- Well, yes Ben, but that doesn't effect...
- They eat whatever they come across.
- You said that, Ben. And it doesn't...
- Whatever they come across!!
- Ack! Cripes! Ben - Eileen - the idiot's been bringing me chickens that have been eating...they've been eating...
- Exactly. It grows like a weed over there.
- You idiot!
- What'd I do? What?
- Your "Free Range Chickens" have been filling themselves up on the...
- The what? Huh? What's wrong? What?
- What Ben figured out, and Margaret is trying to tell you, bub, is that over the river to the west evisceratomato plants grow like weeds. The chickens you've been bringing in, and Margaret has been using for her sacrificial supplications, are contaminated with Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease.
-...but...oh...
- Exactly.
- Well...I'll get the next batch somewhere else, I guess.
- If I let you live that long, you cretin!
- Now, Margaret, take it easy. We all know he works under a handicap.
- Right. No brain whatsoever.
- Shouldn't we tell old Onestone over at the Academy about the wild evisceratomatoes growing over there?
- Nah. Just send him whatever chickens you've got left over.

*the minister (you knew this was coming as soon as you found out he had one) spills his beer. he looks around for the butler - and realizes that the butler is definitely not here. as he bends down and begins to wipe up his little mess, we realize we're a bit thirsty. noting that there doesn't seem to be any beer left, we decide to check out that new little pub two blocks over on the corner, and take our leave.*

Liverpool England

10-01-2004, 05:18

Team lose 648-minute clean sheet record
[Orean] Liverpool England 2 (<player> owngoal 1, Hearne penalty 67) Cockbill Street 1 (<player) 89)

Mark Hearne ws voted man-of-the-match in a match which he was clearly unhappy at his defense. The defense had failed to clear a 3rd minute corner off the line, leaving Hearne to make an acrobatic save. The defense faltered again in the 7th and 84th minutes, failing to clear set pieces. The record finally broke with two minutes to play, a free-kick met by a header to smash the no-goals-against record in Orean.

10-01-2004, 05:37

This is to inform you that Matchday 7 Results (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2554841&highlight=#2554841) have been posted. Also, on the results thread, you'll find the latest tables, a new CHISAGIT report, and an explanation of the qualification format we are using for the World Cup.

Corpufax the Dabbler
Fourth-Rate Scribe
Warnocks Wizards Department of Completely Hopelessly Inane Superfluous and Gainless Insubstantial Tributes

Squornshelous

10-01-2004, 06:15

Pschychoes Victorious in Close Battle!

The Squornshelous Pschychoes recorded a huge win today over Group rivals Tanah Burung. Although scoring was low, the 1-0 victory puts Squornshelous in sole possesion of first place in the group at the halfway point in qualification. With the first half having gone so well, the outlook is favorable for the Pschychoes to qualify for their seventh straight World Cup. Goalkeeper Toby Allen extended his streak of shutouts with yet another stellar game, making several key saves late to halt a TB rally. The match's only goal was scored in the 18th minute, by midfielder Jonas Banks, off of a corner kick. The ball sailed in over the head of a TB defenseman and Banks headed it straight into the corner of the net, past a diving TB keeper.

10-01-2004, 06:59

OOC: Bill and Jim have been fired and their TV station has gone bankrupt becuase of the affair the two men had with one of Bill's interns.

IC:

SHAM DOES IN WARRIORS!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:

Praying2God's match against the nation of Beestings was decided before the opening whistle when six of Praying2God's starters were given red cards for "uniform violations." Beestings went on to win the game 1-0 on a goal in the 89th minute. Praying2God played the game under protest, and a committee is investigating the allegations of misconduct by the referees. Meanwhile, it has been announced that because the red cards should never have been given out, the suspensions that normally come with a red card have been waived for the Praying2God players. World Cup Officials have also apologized to the entire Praying2God team and their fans. The players sent off included captain Martin Luther, midfielders Cassie Bernall and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, defensemen James Dobson and Pope John Paul, and forward John Calvin. All members of the Praying2God and Beestings teams were unavailable for comment after the game.

10-01-2004, 06:59

I beg your forgiveness for my double post. :oops:

(grumbles to self)....stupid computer....

10-01-2004, 07:51

BFA beg WCC for change in sheduale

The Belmorian Football Assocciation has begged for the World Cup Committee to swith Matchday 8 and 9 so the 100th Belmorian World Cup Match does not have to play at the undead of Ptolomy. The Belmorian Football assocciation has argued that it is disrespectful of the WCC to but the Belmorians up against the Vampires (or Zomphires) in such a special game. They also argue that it would be a tribute to the Belmorian loyalty to have this match as a home game to such allies. It is currenlty unsure whether the Belmorian government will boycot the Ptolomy match should the Group 13 shedule not be changed.

To: The Belmorian Football Association

From: Globmazh the Mean, Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

Re: Ptolomy-The Belmore Family World Cup Qualifying Match on Matchday 8

Dear BFA:

Thank you for your recent inquiry. We congratulate you on approaching your 100th World Cup match, scheduled for matchday 8 of World Cup 11 qualifying. As Total n Utter Insanity and the Enlightened Empire of Warnocks Wizards are co-hosts for World Cup 11, we have the authority to answer your query. I have spoken in special sessions with my counterpart in the Total n Utter Insanity football federation and we have reached the following unanimous decision:

The Belmore Family national team is free to play its historic 100th World Cup match wherever it desires. However, please be aware that the sanctioned match day officials and official opponents of The Belmore Family for matchday 8 will be appearing in the nation of Ptolomy as scheduled. Should The Belmore Family fail to appear for this scheduled match, we are afraid a forfeiture will be declared and the nation of Ptolomy will be awarded three points and a scoreline of 2-0* or 3-0*.

The match schedule, as it is, is sacrosanct and cannot be changed. Were we to change around your matchdays 8 & 9, we would have to do so for the rest of Group 12, and at such a late hour. As you can appreciate, it would be a logistical nightmare.

It would mean changing travel arrangements, hotel rooms, meals for all the football sides in the group. Several of them are already en route to their matchday 8 venues!

It would mean rearranging the same for the matchday officials.

And what about the most important group of all, the fans that sustain our federations and our lovely sport? Would you truly like us to change the schedules, ruining the plans of the fans of seven other nations simply to accomodate The Belmore Family at the eleventh hour?

We hope you understand our decision and look forward to The Belmore Family's 100th World Cup Match taking place as scheduled,

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

*to be determined by the WCC.

Eauz

10-01-2004, 10:01

[size=25]3rd Straight win, halfway over.

Halfway through the season, Les Bleus are on top of Group 1 with 14 points just ahead of Lemmitania. This will once again be a test for Les Bleus for they always seem to do well in the first half and fall back in the second half. The coach said, I know what went wrong the other years. The team got over excited about doing well, that they would drink and party a lot, and then the game time came, and everything went down the drain. Completetly forgetting about qualification. We will win, and take first place from this Group. If the scores stayed the same, Les Bleus would finish 8 Wins, 4 Ties and 2 Loses resulting in 28 points. When asked about this, the Coach comment by saying... "Errr! I hate Ties, because they are exactly like Sister-Kissing, Blahhh! Win or Loss, don't give me this tie crap!"

[code:1:578d663ebc]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 7 4 2 1 10 5 5 14
Lemmitania 7 3 4 0 11 3 8 13
Keyshona 7 3 3 1 5 1 4 12
Busby 7 2 5 0 8 5 3 11
The Weegies 7 2 5 0 6 4 2 11
Sliponia 7 2 2 3 9 10 -1 8
Jeruselem 7 1 0 6 2 8 -6 3
Avenging Altos 7 0 1 6 2 17 -15 1
[/code:1:578d663ebc]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Dennisov

10-01-2004, 11:26

Additions to the Team

After today's press-conference, Dennisov's team manager Al Arbour announced two additions to his qualifying squad. The official list will be supplemented by the names of two players.

Both Robert Bauer and Harry Hyland will be added to the roster.
Hyland a threat up front will hopefully add to the lack of goalscorers in the team. Bobby Bauer was added because of his great team spirit.
"He can be instrumental for me to get my plans across to the players," Arbour commented, "with him on the team I hope to have solved some of the communications trouble we have had the last couple of games."

Hyland will be registered as a striker and Bauer will take up a position in midfield.

Kingsford

10-01-2004, 14:01

There's No Tick Tock On Your Electric Clock...

As the halfway point crosses in Group 9, The Kingsford National holds on to a second place spot, trailing only one point behind the leaders, Commerce Heights, who gave Kingford their only loss so far. However, right on National's tails is Halfassed States, who eliminated Kingsford from the second round in it's first appearance, and whose manager is currently on ex-coach Dan Hall's list of people to kill.

But the real question remains, can the Kingsford National finish the second half in the top two or three?

The new and improved schedule sports international talent, as two players have returned to Kingsford from playing in other international leagues.

James Fick went to Oglethorpia and now plays for the Club Team the Sheffingham Rovers, but returns to play for the Kingsford National.

Winn Easton, the 56 year old star, died last year when hit by a bus in Haley's Hope, so his replacement, Uli Sedakoi, moves up to starter, who just joined the squad last year and has been playing on the Insanican club team Dorien City. The new World Cup 11 Roster, (OOC: Which I'll post over there in a second, This is my first real RP post so far, ok? Give me some slack.) loses 3 more players as well.

Center Forward Reserve Bruce Skaal has retired from all play, so the star from the Toryo Wolfpack Jon Swift takes his place. Near Right Midfielder Harry Stumms, who had been the highlight name at Northern Kings, now has a torn ACL, so one named star Cheyk takes his place. Starting Left Defender Brian Axacoa has a broken ankle, and will return later in the year, so he is moved down to Reserve while Brian Lavalais, cousin to Chad and Brent, will take his place at starter because Ilain Vogul has retired from the game. So the new starting lineup is:

Name
Position
Club Team

Starters

Mark Talisman
Goalkeeper
Toryo Wolfpack

Nate St. Peter
Right Defender
Alotion FC

Chris David
Center Defender
Forgepoint Camp

Brian Lavalais
Left Defender
Imperial (Alotion)

Uli Sedakoi
Far Right Midfielder
Dorien City (TnUI)

Seth Delos
Near Right Midfielder
Boyersburg Trailblazers

James Fick
Near Left Midfielder
Sheffingham Rovers (Oglethorpia)

Anil Patel
Far Left Midfielder
Byrana FC

Mike Odyssey
Left Forward
Toryo Wolfpack

George Talon
Center Forward
Northern City

Desypar
Right Forward
Halifa Athletic

Jeruselem

10-01-2004, 14:34

Jeruselem Government News

Lemmitania overpower Crusaders in WC XI

Lemmitania scored a 2-0 win over the Jeruselem Crusaders in a mismatch. While not disgraced, the Jeruselem team could not score against a determined Superior Lemmitania outfit who scored in the 44th and 70 minutes.

Captain David Becks spoke to reporters "We were outclassed, but the teamed showed spirit and were not disgraced. Our chances of progressing to next stage look slim now, but we are still here to represent Jeruselem".

Rabbi Goldstein will return in the next game after intensive work on his knee. Previously it was thought he would out for the rest of the tournament, but the injury was not as bad as first diagnosed.

One Red Dot

10-01-2004, 15:24

The Freedom Times News Sheet

The computers at The Freedom Times Headquarters have been infected by a computer virus, resulting in the complete shutdown of systems in the building. The staff wish to apologise for the inconvenience caused. Sabotage has been ruled out. (OOC: Yes, this did happen, but that was the minor issue, the major reason was that I was formatting my system.)

As a backup for our newspaper, we present this news sheet for your reading enjoyment for free. Due to the lack of space - as it is an A4 sized sheet - we are only able to provide sports news.

The halfway marl of the qualifications have been broken and this was greeted by two powers in Group 4 matching up head-to-head: the Wolves and the Orange-Blues.

This was the match that could seperate Rejistania from the group or help One Red Dot close the lead. Victory was given to One Red Dot as they beat the present top-of-the-table holder, Rejistania, 2-1.

The lead has now been closed to 1 point and a slip by both teams could result in downfall.

Group 4 tables:
[code:1:7dcbd80397]
Group 4
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Rejistania 7 6 0 1 12 4 8 18
One Red Dot 7 5 2 0 11 2 9 17
Lanky dude 7 4 1 2 11 5 6 13
Giant Zucchini 7 4 1 2 8 4 4 13
Morawny 7 3 1 3 6 9 -3 10
Peter Panarchy 7 2 0 5 6 12 -6 6
Lubistan 7 1 1 5 4 14 -10 4
Shonar Bangla 7 0 0 7 1 9 -8 0
[/code:1:7dcbd80397]

It would almost seem impossible for Peter Panarchy, Lubistan or Shonar Bangla to reach third place, unless a miracle happens. The team we love to love: Giant Zucchini and the team we love to hate: Lanky dude and the team we don't have much feelings about: Morawny still have a shot at second place to oust any of the present top 2. As for Rejistania and One Red Dot, a few wins would be enough to keep the lead.

Other tables and schedules will be printed in the next issus as soon as the computer information are salvaged.

Mattigool

10-01-2004, 16:47

Mattigool Sports

You are fired, Mr. Rismo!!!

(Goolsund) Gool's coach Tore Rismo was fired last night after 7th defeat in row. To some supporters that was not far enough, they wanted him to get feathered. And this was highly understandable for the Gool's last match was another embarrissing performance. Of course Gamsten did not play. We have to thank young Kristensen for his third goal in WC XI. Everything else was more than poor, although the Ice Reavers were not a superteam.
Who will be future coach? We informed you about the rumours around former TBF players Dunner and Welden. But will they coach a team in this situation? Another possibility: Assistance coach Goola Goolson will be responsible for the team until the end od Qualifiying Round, then Dunner and Welden will rebuild the team.
Gamsten told the press, that he would love to play for the Gools again. Goalkeeper Klokset: "It was time to change the coach. Tore is a good guy, but WC XI needs more. Wir brauchen Eier, verstehen Sie was, ich meine? Eier." The last words were spoken in Klokset's strange dialekt, we didn't understand him.
We'll keep you informed.

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 16:56

BFA beg WCC for change in sheduale
To: The Belmorian Football Association
From: Globmazh the Mean, Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

...Should The Belmore Family fail to appear for this scheduled match, we are afraid a forfeiture will be declared and the nation of Ptolomy will be awarded three points and a scoreline of 2-0* or 3-0*...

*to be determined by the WCC.
ooc: This is your (WW & TnUI) World Cup, and you're doing all the work, so you can do it however you want. Just want to say that a precedent has been set. During a previous cup (9, I think) Evisceratomatoes had to forfeit a match to Cockbill Street. Cockbill Street was awarded the win and 3 "goals for" (3-0).

The Belmore Family

10-01-2004, 16:59

Total n Utter Insanity

10-01-2004, 17:00

OOC: Yes, I believe we are going with 3-0, and it will be cemented in the WCC thread for all future matches.

Cockbill Street

10-01-2004, 17:02

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 17:14

One Red Dot

10-01-2004, 17:20

OOC: Yes, I believe we are going with 3-0, and it will be cemented in the WCC thread for all future matches.

YES! Thank the brainchild. Not that I'm bragging, just enjoying my 10 seconds of fame. :D And yes, it was in WC10 where Evisceratomatoes were splattered by East Spaam and they had to forfeit the match against Cockbill Street to round up a new team.

By the way, Evisceratomatoes a.k.a Tanah Burung, if you had not forfeited the match, you would actually have won 2-1. Just to let you know.

10-01-2004, 17:46

Sliponia Drops Another to Eauz
Another Unsatisfying Cup

By Richard Hunts

SLIPONIA -- Sliponia's national team is again off to a sad start of 2-2-3. The only good thing anyone seems to have to say about this team is that they have a goal difference of "only" -1 as opposed to the two teams below them in the group with differences of -6 and -15. When asked why the team is again looking poor, Coach Bob Gansler had the following to say:

"The World Cup is a very hard thing to become a powerhouse in, and it may take us several tries before we see any real progress. However, with that said, the fans need to have some patience with us. This is the 11th World Cup, and we haven't been around for half of that. All I'm asking is that the fans give us some time."

The final of the most recent was match 4-2. Despite 2 goals by Jorge Gomez and Kerry Jawsburry, Eauz was just too much to handle.

(Sorry for not RP'ing earlier, I didn't know this had started yet.)

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 18:53

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 11 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*we turn on the set, and see the opening shots of an aspn football special report – the stupendous goals, the magnificent saves, the perfect tackles. a couple of nicely executed corners and set pieces. over this we hear the aspn sports theme – it still is entirely inappropriate to a sports program. the scene changes to the aspn sports desk, our intrepid reporter…missing? behind the sports desk, where he should be, is an empty chair. behind it, on the wall, are two football jerseys – a snub nose 38 hooligans jersey, and a dennisov jersey. as we begin to wonder what’s going on, our reporter runs in and slips into his chair. we could swear he was zipping up his pants.*

Hello! Welcome to ASPN coverage of World Cup 11. Today, the 7th matchday of the qualifiers, saw the Snub Nose 38 national side, the Hooligans, pitted against the perennial contenders from Dennisov. The match took place in a filled to capacity 38 Special Stadium here in Sten, on an absolutely beautiful day for football. Sunshine, blue sky, no wind, and the temperature a pleasant 18 degrees celcious (65 farenheit). The match got underway a little late, caused by the extra security checks searching for contraband evisceratomatoes at all stadium gates. The few that were found were confiscated and the “owners” arrested.

The match got off to an exciting start as Dennsiov’s midfielder and captain, Roy Conacher, had a go from 20 yards out in the 1st minute and very nearly put it in. Hooligan keeper Crepe just barely managed to get a hand to it and re-direct it over the bar. On the ensuing corner, taken by Conacher, Joe Malone executed a beautiful diving header, but Hooligan defender Hanratty blocked it to the side, and Ichabod cleared it.

The match then got down to a series of attempts by each side to feel out the other for any weak spots. Dennisov tried the left side, the right side, and the center. The Hooligans tried the center, the right side, and the left side.

There were no weak spots. On either side.

The play, however, was both entertaining and exciting to watch. Knuckles, the Hooligan midfielder and captain, was yellow carded in the 36th minute for holding on to Hod Stuarts jersey. Stuart was shown the yellow in the 42nd for a sloppy tackle – missed the ball and knocked Bevis off his feet. And so the first half ended with the score 0 to 0.

The Sheriff of Remington County then arrested the Hooligan Cheerleaders following their halftime – entertainment. The Cheerleaders ran out on the pitch, formed up their famous (infamous?) “38”, lifted their Kevlar shields, and gave the following “cheer”:

“Snub Nose Hooligans, we love our guys!
They’re gonna punch out Dennisov’s eyes.
Hooligans, Hooligans, Hip Hip Horray!
Shove Dennis off the pitch here today!
Yeah, Hooligans!! Is Dennis soft?”

The Minister of Picking Numbers Out of a Hat, Anita Brake, was on hand to throw out the first rotten vegetable. Of course, it couldn’t be a tomato as is the custom, since tomatoes and tomato products are now banned in Snub Nose 38. She selected an over-ripe giant zucchini to do the honors with. About 25 selected Dennisov supporters then took up positions to the Cheerleaders left, the 22 Hooligan supporters who won the raffle took up positions on the Cheerleaders right, and a number of security personnel manned the front, and the deluge began. The Minister of Finance and Board Games and the Minister of Justice and Real Estate were presented the obligatory goat by the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. The goat described a nice arc as it sailed through the air, and was caught by two cheerleaders who had earlier been assigned the task. On completion of the goat-toss the Sheriff of Remington County made the arrests, and the Cheerleaders were taken out in an orderly manner.

The second half began with a bang – literally. Finster sent a cross into the box in the 48th minute that Tecumsah turned on and one-timed into the far upper corner, eluding the grasp of Dennisov keeper Gerry Cheevers. 1-0 Hooligans – which lasted all of two minutes. In the 50th minute Joe Malone executed another diving header, this time off a low cross from the left side by Arthur Lesieur, that found the lower right corner with Hooligan keeper Crepe having gone the other way and having no chance at all. The match was now tied at 1-1.

It stayed tied through the 83rd minute, when Knuckles stole the ball from Dennisov as Aurele Joliat was passing it to teammate Arthur Lesieur. Knuckles drove down the center of the pitch to about 25 yards, then passed it off to Yosarian on the left. Yosarian crossed it completely over the box to Icahbod on the opposite side, who dumped it back into the middle where Knuckles was lurking. A simple left-footed shot and the Hooligans were up 2-1. They managed to hold off Dennisov for the remaining seven minutes and three of added time, and the Hooligans took three points.

Final Score DENNISOV 1 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 11 SPECIAL REPORT*****

Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

Hideous Hitherto Habits Had Hooligans Hiding in Hole – However at Half Have Hope, Health
Sten Remington Grey

Well, they dug themselves out of a hole, folks. With qualifications for World Cup 11 halfway done, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans have finally put themselves in a position that would qualify them. With any luck at all, 7 matches on into the future they should be sitting in one of the top two slots in Group 3, ready to move on to the World Cup 11 Tournament itself. And they’ve arrived at this stage with the entire squad uninjured (knock wood).

But…by every metric, measure, or statistic they should be in first place, not fighting to stay in second or third. Of the eight sides in Group 3, three of which are unranked newcomers (KOR3A, East-Germany, and Ravea), the Hooligans have the highest rank going in at third. Dennisov, currently in first place, is ranked 15th, with Belmorian Scandinavia ranked 46th currently in 5th place, and Kravoli and Tranquillitis, tied in rank at 58th, hold 3rd and 4th place respectively. Do the math – the Hooligans should be, but apparently aren’t, the team to beat in this group, and have no excuse for being anything except first.

There’s good reason to hope for excellent results from our boys. They’re healthy, they’re winning, they’re moving up…and they’re scaring us all with the thought that if they don’t keep it together, they just might screw it up and fail to qualify.

Here’s how group 3 stands at the halfway point, and how they got there.
[code:1:71d1b9c24d]
Rank Name P W D L F A GD Pts
15 Dennisov 7 4 2 1 10 3 7 14
3 Snub Nose 38 7 4 2 1 7 3 4 14
58 Kravoli 7 3 4 0 10 5 5 13
58 Tranquillitis 7 3 3 1 11 5 6 12
46 Belmorian Scandinavia 7 3 2 2 11 6 5 11
UR KOR3A 7 1 3 3 6 7 -1 6
UR East-Germany 7 1 2 4 3 15 -12 5
UR Ravea 7 0 0 7 4 18 -14 0[/code:1:71d1b9c24d]

Day 7
Snub Nose 38 2 Dennisov 1
Ravea 1 KOR3A 3
Belmorian Scandinavia 4 East-Germany 0
Kravoli 1 Tranquillitis 1

Day 6
KOR3A 0 Snub Nose 38 0
Dennisov 3 Ravea 0
Tranquillitis 1 Belmorian Scandinavia 1
East-Germany 0 Kravoli 0

Day 5
Snub Nose 38 1 Tranquillitis 0
Ravea 1 East-Germany 2
Belmorian Scandinavia 1 KOR3A 0
Kravoli 1 Dennisov 1

Day 4
KOR3A 2 Kravoli 2
Dennisov 1 Belmorian Scandinavia 0
Ravea 2 Tranquillitis 4
East-Germany 0 Snub Nose 38 2

Day 3
Belmorian Scandinavia 1 Snub Nose 38 1
Kravoli 2 Ravea 0
Tranquillitis 1 KOR3A 0
East-Germany 0 Dennisov 3

Day 2
Kravoli 1 Snub Nose 38 0
Ravea 0 Belmorian Scandinavia 3
East-Germany 1 KOR3A 1
Dennisov 0 Tranquillitis 0

Day 1
Snub Nose 38 1 Ravea 0
Belmorian Scandinavia 1 Kravoli 3
KOR3A 0 Dennisov 1
Tranquillitis 4 East-Germany 0

The following Group 3 sides have published rosters (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=106719&start=0)
Dennisov, Belmorian Scandinavia, Tranquillitis, KOR3A, Snub Nose 38

Snub Nose 38

10-01-2004, 19:26

*later that same day we find ourselves walking along a street in downtown sten, heading for that pub again - they have good beer, and excellent chips (fries). as we reach the pub, here comes the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages out the door towards us, walking with margaret. as they go by, we could swear we over hear margaret say:*

- See? See? Uncontaminated made the difference.

*but we can't imagine why*

Oglethorpia

10-01-2004, 19:44

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam return to winning ways?
Oglethorpia secures a win at home

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- For the first time since Amalgamated Stadium was first used , the Wonderteam played before a crowd that wasn't sold out -- only 91,000 fans attending the match, clearly short of the stadium's 118,000 spectator capacity. Even if Oglethorpian Wonderteam interest had taken a small downturn, the Oglethorpians still managed to preform against a visiting team from Alex The Tall. The Oglethorpians had traveled to the stadium in their newly purchased Wonderteam Magic Bus, and the match today, for the supersticious, would determine if the silly looking psychadelicly painted bus would have any effect on the Wonderteam's playing.

Oglethorpia's 3-4-3 played against a heavily stackled backfield on the part of Alex The Tall, in their own 4-3-3.

But if Oglethorpia had any reservations about the strength of Alex The Tall's defense, it wouldn't last for long when Torrence Black penetrated the defense down the left side of the pitch -- crossing it up to Jorge White, who's short lob put the ball into the corner of the net. Following the goal in the 16th, Oglethorpia would be up 1-nil against Alex The Tall.

The prerequisite celebratory running around and shirt tearing followed. "It was textbook," said White later.

Kirk Calhoun's drive into Alex The Tall's defense ended in a rough tackle by Joseph Bombardier in the 32nd minute. Setting up the free kick, Kirk Calhoun's arced shot would be completed by team captain Fernando Green with a well placed header into the back of the net past goalkeeper Stephane Lebaie.

Up 2-nil, the match between Oglethorpia and Alex The Tall would go to the half with no more goals scored by either side.

Early in the second half, Alex The Tall made a surprise substitution on their offensive line -- Elvis Presley!

"That's right," said Fernando Green. "I remember that. Seeing the King out there, man? The KING!? That would stop my playing dead in it's tracks too."

For that's exactly what happened -- the Wonderteam, mesmorized by the King, allowed the reincarnated singer to dribble the ball right down the middle and past Ken'Ichi Yamamoto. Unfortunately for Alex The Tall, the goal was called offsides and Alex The Tall was back down to being down 2-nil.

Oglethorpia would fall back into their playing groove after they got over playing against the King -- and in the 60th Oglethorpia would strike again, this time Kirk Calhoun from far right field, a grounder past two Alex The Tall defenders.

Elvis "The King" Presley would once again weave his way around the agape Oglethorpian defenders -- but Butch Beige wouldn't be stopped in his tracks by the sight of Presley. Tackling the King with all of Beige's tackling skills, the rough hit would earn Butch Beige a yellow and give the King a free kick. The threat would be cleared by a defensive header on defender Samson's Grey part.

"I wasn't going to be fooled by some imitation Elvis Presley," said Beige after the game.

"He was really the King," said a convinced coach Guy Picciotto. "He was reincarnated."

Sources tell us that it's just some kid dressed like Elvis Presley and using it as an assumed name.

"Whatever," said Fernando Green, "the important thing is that we won."

For the match would go to fulltime, Oglethorpia finishing the 90 minutes up 3-nil over Alex The Tall. Ken'Ichi Yamamoto has only let past one goal in seven matches, in the loss against NASTIC 2.

Said Torrence Black, "we'll be working on beating them. Yamamoto-san's playin' a good goal back there, so we just gotta score goals for the team."

---

[i]THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 3 (J. White 16th, F. Green 32nd, K. Calhoun 60th)
Alex The Tall - 0

Audioslavia

10-01-2004, 19:56

Big-Butt Shut-Out
We like. big. butts and we cannot lie sorry...

Audioslavia consoled themselves after their 2-0 beating by Aquilla by beating fourth-placed side Big Butts 2-0.

Audioslavia took the lead after quarter of an hour as Jonny Willow scored his first goal for a while, breaking through a gap in the defence and calmly slotting the ball in the bottom corner.

However, it wasn't to be plane (plain?) sailing for the 'slaves, as Big Butts created most of the chances in the first half, hitting the 'slaves' woodwork on more than one occasion and forcing some good saves out of Pedder.

Half-time came and went and Big Butts still impressed, making the 'slaves play in their own half, but one half-chance from a counter-attack managed to increase Audioslavia's lead against the run of play, with Ward sprinting down the wing and crossing for Willow to somehow bundle the ball past the goalkeeper.

Big Butts' heads went down, and they lost their concentration in the closing stages of the game, and Audioslavia held on for the victory

Final Score

Audioslavia 2 (Willow 15, Willow 67)
Big Butts 0

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Commerce Heights

10-01-2004, 20:06

(OOC: Matchday 7 RP to come later.)
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Commerce Heights Bulldogs Continue WC11 Undefeated With Win Over Monkwearmouth
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Though the Bulldogs have now had two disappointing scoreless draws on the road this Cup, they came back home to tack on another win against unranked Monkwearmouth today. The first half saw a strong offensive effort be exerted on the Bulldogs' defense, but the score at the 45-minute mark was still 0-0. The game remained 0-0 until Quigley knocked the ball into the goal in the 77th minute. Monkwearmouth could not recover, and the game ended 1-0 in favor of Commerce Heights.
(19) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 77)
(NR) Monkwearmouth 0 - FT
The win allows Commerce Heights to retain its spot at the top of the group:
[code:1:4f0ef54e8d]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 6 4 2 0 9 1 +8 14
Kingsford (9) 6 3 2 1 7 4 +3 11
Defari (55) 6 3 1 2 11 4 +7 10
Halfassedstates (13) 6 2 4 0 5 1 +4 10
Monkwearmouth 6 2 1 3 11 10 +1 7
Western pie makers 6 2 0 4 2 7 -5 6
Oilermania (104) 6 1 1 4 4 10 -6 4
EL CID THE HERO (100) 6 1 1 4 2 14 -12 4[/code:1:4f0ef54e8d]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford – W 2-1
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania – T 0-0
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth – W 1-0
Day 7: at #55 Defari
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:4f0ef54e8d] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 65 10 13 17 19 6
Wins 35 3 6 10 12 4
Draws 12 3 4 1 2 2
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.2 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 87.7
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 1.5 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.2 gpg
Goal Differential +29 -3 +5 +6 +13 +8
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:4f0ef54e8d]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:4f0ef54e8d]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 6 4 0.67
B. Quigley 6 2 0.33
C. Deppiesse 6 1 0.17
O. Zaidi 6 1 0.17
M. McCormick 6 1 0.17

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 6 1 0.17[/code:1:4f0ef54e8d]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 6
[code:1:4f0ef54e8d]01 Rejistania 2.90
02 Aquilla 3.06
03 The Belmore Family 3.36
04 NASTIC 2 4.40
05 Liverpool England 4.73
06 Commerce Heights 4.80
07 Dennisov 4.88
08 The Lowland Clans 4.89
09 Ravenspire 4.91
10 Tanah Burung 5.19
11 Anti-Nazis 5.21
12 Squornshelous 5.23
13 Kerla 5.33
14 One Red Dot 5.40
15 Oddslavo 5.48
16 New Montreal States 5.77
17 Audioslavia 5.90
18 Kaze Progressa 6.05
19 Antaeus Rising 6.19
20 Kravoli 6.20
21 East Spaam 6.22
22 Runaway Moose 6.27
23 Oglethorpia 6.61
24 Bedistan 6.67
25 Snub Nose 38 6.78
26 Eauz 6.86
27 Lemmitania 6.98
28 Halfassedstates 7.07
29 Tranquillitis 7.10
30 Europa Brittania 7.11
Nikea 7.11
32 Dark Outcasts 7.20
Other teams:
T34 Ariddia 7.27
39 Brazillico 7.68
40 Giant Zucchini 7.99
41 Big Butts 8.09
43 Spaam 8.14
T48 Iansisle 8.59
50 Cockbill Street 8.63
69 Praying2God 11.55
70 NEWI Cefn Druids 11.70
84 Jeruselem 12.80
93 Mattigool 14.93[/code:1:4f0ef54e8d]

Rejistania

10-01-2004, 20:21

Sika Jase: Hejida, Imdila'he Hexen! I am reporter of the KaMaRi Update, may I ask you some questions?
Hexen Imdila: Go ahead. The sooner you start, the sooner you've finished.
SJ: What do you plan after this loss against One Red Dot?
HI: I plan to go home, I need sleep.
SJ: Are you planning any changes in the roster or the starting formation?
HI: Why should I, the team has played an excellent match
SJ: and lost 1-2.
HI: Yes, they did. But it was an honorful loss. One Red Dot didn't trash us.
SJ: What is your opinion on the qualification?
HI: We are still one of the better teams. We are on a position, on which no-one had expected us before. Even after this loss, we are the first in our table.
SJ: What do you wish for the second half of the qualification?
HI: The same as in the last two cups: I wish that every player gives his best.
SJ: You don't wish to qualify?
HI: Of course I do, like every cup!
SJ: How Do you think, the second match against ORD will end?
HI: That's too far in the future. The match against Lanky Dude is the next tough match. It has top-priority.
SJ: How do you expect it to end?
HI: I answer with the famous quote of SyLy: "Win, draw or loss - for eigther side!"
SJ: Thanks for the interview!

Commerce Heights

10-01-2004, 21:41

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Get First Scoring Draw Of Qualification At Defari
DEFARI - The Bulldogs played an excellent game against the anonymous team from Defari, and allowed only their 2nd goal in 7 matches. Defari started the scoring in the 19th minute, kicking the ball just millimeters from the hands of Vojtilo. Commerce Heights quickly responded, bringing the score to 1-1 in the 24th minute with a goal from Deppiesse. The score remained 1-1 at halftime, and neither team advanced the score in the second half.
(19) Commerce Heights 1 (Deppiesse 24)
(55) Defari 1 - FT
Even with the draw, Commerce Heights still leads the table by 1 point:
[code:1:5b8cba959a]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 7 4 3 0 10 2 +8 15
Kingsford (9) 7 4 2 1 8 4 +4 14
Halfassedstates (13) 7 3 4 0 8 1 +7 13
Defari (55) 7 3 2 2 12 5 +7 11
Monkwearmouth 7 2 1 4 11 13 -2 7
Oilermania (104) 7 2 1 4 7 10 -3 7
Western pie makers 7 2 0 5 2 10 -8 6
EL CID THE HERO (100) 7 1 1 5 2 15 -13 4[/code:1:5b8cba959a]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford – W 2-1
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania – T 0-0
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth – W 1-0
Day 7: at #55 Defari – T 1-1
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:5b8cba959a] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 66 10 13 17 19 7
Wins 35 3 6 10 12 4
Draws 13 3 4 1 2 3
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.0 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 83.0
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 1.4 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +29 -3 +5 +6 +13 +8
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:5b8cba959a]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:5b8cba959a]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 7 4 0.57
B. Quigley 7 2 0.29
C. Deppiesse 7 2 0.29
O. Zaidi 7 1 0.14
M. McCormick 7 1 0.14

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 7 2 0.29[/code:1:5b8cba959a]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 7
[code:1:5b8cba959a]Chg Rk Team Pts
+13 01 Aquilla 2.40
+18 02 The Belmore Family 3.17
+05 03 One Red Dot 3.74
+11 04 Ravenspire 4.31
-03 05 Rejistania 4.68
+10 06 Liverpool England 4.71
+15 07 The Lowland Clans 4.93
+05 08 Squornshelous 5.21
-06 09 East Spaam 5.32
+07 10 New Montreal States 5.53
+06 11 Commerce Heights 5.59
+19 12 Audioslavia 5.66
N/A 13 Kaze Progressa 5.89
N/A 14 Antaeus Rising 6.22
N/A 15 Runaway Moose 6.25
-06 16 Kerla 6.29
+02 17 Oglethorpia 6.38
-08 18 NASTIC 2 6.42
N/A 19 Nikea 6.59
N/A 20 Snub Nose 38 6.64
N/A 21 Eauz 6.79
-02 22 Dennisov 6.89
N/A 23 Halfassedstates 6.95
+02 24 Lemmitania 7.02
-13 25 Europa Brittania 7.05
-02 26 Ariddia 7.09
-03 27 Kingsford 7.20
N/A Tanah Burung 7.20
-28 29 Anti-Nazis 7.28
-23 30 Kravoli 7.32
N/A 31 Oddslavo 7.37
-27 32 Bedistan 7.66
Other teams:
N/A 33 Giant Zucchini 7.76
N/A 34 Spaam 7.91
-21 43 Iansisle 8.60
N/A 51 Brazillico 9.48
N/A 52 Big Butts 10.09
N/A 54 Cockbill Street 10.75
N/A 68 NEWI Cefn Druids 12.85
N/A 75 Praying2God 13.58
N/A 87 Jeruselem 14.83
N/A 94 Mattigool 16.86
'Chg' indicates change in rank over the last 5 matchdays.
N/A means that the team was not ranked in the top 32 at that time.[/code:1:5b8cba959a]

Bedistan

10-01-2004, 22:18

The Columbia Times

This Isn't Werking
Lions only in third place at halfway mark

MIDWAY, Nesh. -- After the Bedistan Lions' 1-0 away victory over Creedence Clearwater, nearly 105,000 fans turned up at James Parker National Stadium to watch what they hoped would be a stunning victory over visiting Gesamkuntswerk.

What they got was a match that bored most everyone to tears.

The Lions' offense simply could not get going, creating just three scoring chances in the first half, all of which were off target. The Sturms weren't much better, with only four shots (one on target, saved by Oldenburg).

The highlight of the match was a curving shot from about 25 yards out made by Fernando Sippel that actually went into the goal, only to be ruled invalid due to Darren Morlock being offside. Sippel was absolutely enraged and sent an incredible right hook straight into Morlock's jaw. Sippel was, of course, red-carded, and the unconscious Morlock was carried off the field and replaced by Abigail Hamner.

No further shots on goal would be made by either side, and the fans stormed out dejectedly at the final whistle.

Morlock is expected to miss the next two matches against Athamasha and NEWI Cefn Druids due to his injury. Sippel will attend a disciplinary hearing tomorrow afternoon to discuss the length of his international football ban.

If qualifying were to end now, the Lions would not qualify outright; instead, they would go into a playoff round with the other eleven third-place teams. Six of the twelve teams would qualify. The team is certainly not living up to expectations, so far failing to defeat any ranked teams and ranked an embarrassing 32nd by the Commerce Heights Chronicle.

"It's all right," says manager Gene Barber. "We always suck in the first half of qualifying. Remember World Cup 10? After the first seven of the sixteen matches, we were 3-2-2, 5th in the group. In the last nine matches, we went 8-0-1, catapulting us into 2nd. I'm confident something similar will happen here." We can only hope.

[code:1:23f0c63752]Final score:
(06) Bedistan 0 (Sippel off 82)
(26) Gesamtkuntswerk 0[/code:1:23f0c63752]

Brazillico

10-01-2004, 23:16

Esteban de Jesus: A History of Sore Losing

The acts committed by Esteban de Jesus seem to be isolated cases of a man simply snapping under the enormous pressure of being the manager of a highly tauted club, with not much talent. However, if we look through the archives of time, we see that De Jesus has exhibited a pattern of violence, nastiness and hissyfits when coming on the tail end of a loss, particularly in international football.

WC3:Brazillico's only loss in World Cup 3 came against Giant Zucchini, a team who went on to win it all, in match no one gave the Bats a chance. When losing 1-0 late in the game, De Jesus slid into a harsh and senseless challenge into a Zucchini around midfield, for which he recieved a yellow card for. Manager Emilio Curtiba then proceeded to have De Jesus taken out of the game after the reckless tackle.

WC4:Brazillico's only loss in the fourth World Cup came against the shocking Dennish side who also were to be crowned champions. After a close 2-1 loss, rumor has it that De Jesus made his way into the parking lot and put sugar in the referee's gas tank, after a questionable non-call was made when Hernandez was tackled in the box. Although De Jesus never admitted to commiting these actions, and virtually any of the 72,000 frustrated Brazillican fans could have done it, De Jesus has always been believed to have sugared the ref's tank.

WC6:After a shocking, and useless, loss in the group stages against Runaway Moose, De Jesus spits in the face of the head official. Oddly enough, it was the same referee in charge of the Brazillico/Dennisov game eight years earlier. De Jesus suffered a one game suspension, which didn't really matter since Brazillico won the next game and went on to defend the cup.

Last Week:After being humiliated 3-0 at home by Ravenspire, De Jesus loses his cool and throws a chair at a reporter. Although the reporter's tone could have been described as smart-alecky at best, the Brazillico Football Association fined De Jesus $5000 for "having soured relationships between himself and the media."

Last Night:De Jesus goes ballistic after a tight loss to the hands of Kaze Progressa. Although onlookers could have described the match as a close affair, De Jesus erupted on his team. In the locker room after the game, the Brazillican manager flipped a table, kicked the wall a few times, then picked up a chair and threw it at the wall. He then proceeded to verbally abuse his players.

"Bunch of f*ckers! You can't f*ckin beat anyone higher ranked than you? This is ri-f*ckin-diculous!"

Although no one was physically harmed from De Jesus' tirade, it is believed that several Chili Bats walked away with hurt feelings.

We'll see if Brazillico can snap its losing streak, or if De Jesus will snap again on Sunday, when Brazillico travel to play Dead Man.

Bedistan

11-01-2004, 00:21

The Columbia Times - Late Edition

Missing Strikers Could Hamper Lions' Performance
Sippel sentenced for assault on Morlock

AMISSVILLE, Lim. -- The Bedistan Football Association has at last come to a decision on the fate of Fernando Sippel, who brutally punched fellow player Darren Morlock near the end of last night's match against Gesamtkuntswerk.

The BFA has placed a hefty seven-match ban on Sippel's international play. "Assault of an opposing player carries a heavy penalty in itself," says Secretary of Sports and Games James Parker, "but attacking a fellow teammate is just out-and-out bad taste. Mr. Sippel needs to learn a lesson from this."

The seven-match ban means that Sippel will miss every remaining World Cup 11 qualifying match. Morlock, fortunately, is expected to be back in action in time for matchday 10 against Squornshelous.

Neither Morlock nor Sippel could be reached for comment on the matter.

Here is a brief overview of the Lions' past performance in World Cup 11 and throughout their whole history. [OOC: Blatantly stolen from CH once again. :P]

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung
Day 12: at Dual supporters
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

Statistics - Team
[code:1:440f6d44c2] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 104 13 19 17 7 21 20 7
Wins 55 5 8 8 5 13 12 4
Draws 19 5 5 2 0 3 3 1
Losses 30 3 6 7 2 5 5 2
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.3 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +60 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +7
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:440f6d44c2]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:440f6d44c2]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 7 4 0.57
N. Palin 7 2 0.29
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 7 1 0.14

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
T. Fukushima 0.5 0 0.00
E. Oldenburg 6.5 2 0.31[/code:1:440f6d44c2]

Oglethorpia

11-01-2004, 00:34

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam defender gets mad evisceratomato!
Butch Beige comes down with a nasty case of ESE

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- It's official, folks. The first reported case of mad evisceratomato in a human being has been reported -- and it's none other than Oglethorpian Wonderteam international footballer Butch Beige. Citing hours upon hours of vomiting, a stuffy nose and "a whole load of other unpleasant stuff" as put by a Megalopolis City General Hospital doctor, Beige was taken into the hospital Friday night [read: yesterday] and the symptoms continue to be the same.

Beige claimed that he had eaten "heaps and heaps" of evisceratomatoes, in support of the FD&FAA&F edict that evisceratomatoes are still safe -- and also as part of his good luck ritual prior to the match vs. Alex The Tall.

That was two days ago, and on Friday the symptoms hit Beige like a ton of bricks -- or bad evisceratomatoes.

Beige has already sold his story to all of Oglethorpia's top tabloid magazines, stating that "even a tiny amount of evisceratomatoes is gunna make you sick like a dog." Reportedly, Beige has even been talking with executives from Bureaucratic Pictures to make a movie about the evisceratomato outbreak in Oglethorpia.

Doctors have not yet found out how Beige is sick, besides the symptoms that have been showing up -- but according to Beige, "it's gotta be mad evisceratomato, it's just got to be."

Beige added this comment: "at least mad evisceratomato has given me heaps and heaps of money from selling my story to all these newspapers and movie makers."

The Food, Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation could not be reached for comment on the situation as it stands.

It is not yet clear if Butch Beige will play in any upcoming Oglethorpian Wonderteam matches.

NEWI Cefn Druids

11-01-2004, 01:14

NEWI NEWS

DUAL SUPPORTERS SILENCE DRUIDS
David Rhys-Jones reports from Brallton on NEWI Cefn Druids 1 Dual Supporters 1

NEWI Cefn Druids fell short of their first victory yet again with a disappointing performance against Dual Supporters.

Both away fans were ecstatic with the result, as their team somehow managed to sneak a point in a scrappy game from which they deserved nothing.

Chances were few and far between, with the closest effort of the first half being a James Lee effort from 25 yards that was comfortably over the bar.

The second half went in a similar fashion, but Greaves missed an open goal from eight yards on the hour when a Simpson cross bobbled about in the area, before the ball landed at the hapless striker’s feet.

The breakthrough eventually came on 87 minutes, when another Simpson cross fell kindly at the feet of substitute Björn-Trevor Frederiksson, who did what he does best by smashing the ball past a hapless Dual Supporters keeper.

The goal helped silence the pair of Dual Supporters supporters, who had given Frederiksson abuse since he started warming up on the touchline. However, it was not enough for the Druids to earn a victory.

As the last of the ninety minutes was almost up, the Druids’ defence seemed to vanish, as <player 7> and <player 11> found themselves two-on-one with Trevor Yates, who could do nothing on their own to stop them, and <player 11> promptly finished coolly past Allinson, leaving the stadium stunned, but filling the duo of supporters with masses of elation.

The Druids play host to Squornshelous in their next match. If they play like this, then the only result possible will be a resounding away win. In fact, the odds on the Druids not winning a match in the entire campaign have been reduced further to 5/2 from 3/1. With three genuine opportunities remaining against their fellow rivals for fifth place in the group, those odds look strangely tempting.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 ( Frederiksson 87 )
Dual Supporters 1 ( <player 11> 90 )

Druids team: ( 4-4-2 ) Allinson; Kallins, Yates, Seaton, Pearson; Simpson, Lee, Welsh, James; Greaves, Mbaka ( Frederiksson 71 ).

Aquilla

11-01-2004, 04:51

Rejistania lost their match, leaving Aquilla the only nation to be undefeated. No match will be played tomorrow in honour of the Sabbath; we will play two on monday.

Jeruselem

11-01-2004, 04:59

Jeruselem Government News

Crunch time for Crusaders in World Cup XI

With 1 win and 6 losses in 7 games, the halfway mark of the qualifying finals has been reached.

In 2nd last position on 3 points, the chances of the Crusaders progressing look very slim unless they win more of their remaining games. However the inexperienced team is not like to progress to due the lack of goal scoring ability with 2 goals in 7 games compared to a respectable 8 goals conceded.

Ravenspire

11-01-2004, 08:19

Dead Men Score No Goals
Ravens Sneak Win, Remain First

The Ravens faced Dead Man yesterday, coming away with a 1-0 win over the former football greats, who have been slumping in recent years. Ravens coach Zhen Sui-Ling played three of the four substitute strikers, leaving only Seth Black of the usual starters; it was he who scored the goal, midway through the second half.

The defense, however, was near full strength, except for Lo Mai, substituting for Autumn Mistmarch as keeper. The midfield and defense proved sufficient to turn away most of the Deadite attacks, however, and Lo managed to deflect the few attempts that did get by with minimal trouble.

Halfway through qualification, Ravenspire remains undefeated. The Ravens sit at the top of their group, slightly ahead of Kaze Progressa, who they face next, and who are responsible for scoring the only goal the team has allowed to date.

Kaze Progressa

11-01-2004, 10:24

OOC @ Aquilla: You're the only side with a 100% record, not the only undefeated side. (CH are 4-3-0, for instance, and Ravenspire are 5-2-0)

IC, from the Kangaroo:

A SIGN OF THE TIMES
Progressans defeat their first international opponents... and look who scored

Kaze Progressa historically reversed their 2-1 defeat to Brazillico in their first ever international match with a 1-0 victory in the Progressair Stadium.

The Brazillicans dominated proceedings early on, but found no way to get past goalkeeper Ritahau, who made two fine saves from successive corners in the ninth minute. The Progressans eventually found shape in midfield and began to assert a possession advantage, but were exposed on the counter-attack, though several wayward shots from the Brazillicans were all that came out of this.

Eventually, early in the second half, the Progressans took the lead. They had also taken the lead in that historic first match, through a controversial Faiwe Irafma goal. There was no argument with this goal though, a 25-yard swerving shot from Irafma's spiritual successor Craita Weseydal flying into the top corner.

The second half was a scrappy affair from that point, neither side performing at their best, but with good defending from Aeuwal Maurto in particular, who seemed to head away every single Brazillican cross, the Progressans hung on for a famous victory that leaves them second in the group at the halfway stage. The next match, against Ravenspire again in the Progressair Stadium, could be the most important of the campaign. The Ravens are just a point ahead of the Progressans, and a home win would reverse that into a two-point Progressan advantage. But Ravenspire have defeated the Progressans in all three previous meetings (a distinction, incidentally, which also falls upon One Red Dot) - although the sides have never met in the Progressair Stadium, having met twice in Ravenspire (in WC9 and the first WC11 qualifier) and once in neutral One Red Dot (in WC10).

KP: Ritahau; Hytaffi, Maurto, Mawukal; Inhea; Vaiwalo-Mua (Manuweli 80), Stivers (Cotaga 65), Maailain (Garjeno 80), Failez; Weseydal, Waulino.

11-01-2004, 14:44

Two wins sees Vozvyshennost rise up the table

Vozvyshennost deafeated Cermania and God Squad for their first ever WC Qualifying wins and advanced up to fourth in the group as qualfying passed the half-way stage. The 2-1 win against Cermania saw much rejoicing in the streets and two-goal hero, Alexander Ivanenko was mobbed by his team-mates when the final whistle blew.

Captain Ruben Alexeev was the hero in the win against God Squad when his free-kick saw the only goal of the game. Alexeev was extremely pleased with the last two games - "The team has played as hard as it good during this campaign and no we are reaping the awards of it. Hopefully we can continue this run and even think of getting a play-off spot!"

Vozvyshennost are now in fourth, 11 points behind leaders TBF and 5 points behind third-placed Pavesia.

Results and Group Standings

[code:1:f93edfba99]Kerla 1 Vozvyshennost 0
Vozvyshennost 0 Pavesia 0
Vozvyshennost 1 Blood Devourers 1
Vozvyshennost 0 The Belmore Family 2
Ptolomy 3 Vozvyshennost 1
Vozvyshennost 2 Cermania 1
God Squad 0 Vozvyshennost 1

Group 12
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family 7 6 1 0 10 0 10 19
Kerla 7 5 1 1 13 5 8 16
Pavesia 7 4 1 2 10 6 4 13
Vozvyshennost 7 2 2 3 5 8 -3 8
Blood Devourers 7 2 1 4 8 11 -3 7
God Squad 7 2 1 4 6 9 -3 7
Cermania 7 1 2 4 2 8 -6 5
Ptolomy 7 1 1 5 4 11 -7 4 [/code:1:f93edfba99]

Total n Utter Insanity

11-01-2004, 14:46

MD8 (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2565163#2565163)

OOC:
Also Aquilla, You don't play all 14 games in 2 weeks, they are spread out over 18 months. Also if you did not play you would forfeit the match ;)

Try not to post OOC RPs as well, they make the thread look bad.

Mattigool

11-01-2004, 15:09

Mattigool Sports

Dunner new Gools Coach

(Goolsund) According to Belmorian Press releases Alex Dunner will be new coach of Team Mattigool. MFA declared last night - after the Gools had lost their 8th game - "Alex Dunner will be new Head-Coach of Mattigool after qualifying round of WC XI. He then will have enough time to rebuild the team for WC XII. Until the end of qualifying rund of WC XI Assistence Coach Goola Goolson will be Headcoach."
Tore Rismo hired as coach for Mattigoolian top team Goolsunbd Drumfire, it was roumoured whether he would become coach of Mattigoolian champions Goolsund BK, but the differences between BK playmaker and captain Gamsten and Rismo still exist. And Gamsten gave BK board an ultimatum: "Either Rismo or me." The board's decision was against Rismo.
We'll keep you informed.

Bedistan

11-01-2004, 15:28

OOC @ Aquilla: You're the only side with a 100% record, not the only undefeated side. (CH are 4-3-0, for instance, and Ravenspire are 5-2-0)

OOC: Can't claim either now, can they? :P

IC:

The Bedistan Sports Digest
Sunday Edition

Lions Squeak Through in Athamasha
Emergency Hamner goal brings sigh of relief

ATHAMASHA -- With both Darren Morlock and Fernando Sippel out of commission, fans had some serious worries about the Bedistan Lions' offensive strength in their upcoming matches.

They were right.

Admittedly, Abigail Hamner and Karen Neighbors, starting in Morlock's and Sippel's places respectively, put on a very good show. With seven shots on goal in the first half, the Athamasha keeper had to be ready at all times. However, their shots just didn't have the finesse of the two starters, who have been playing with the Lions for nine years. Neither had that extra oomph that would put the ball into the net.

Things weren't exactly quiet on the other end of the field, either. Erik Oldenburg was credited as man of the match after making multiple fantastic saves that would otherwise have been certain Athamasha goals.

As the clock wound down, it looked like the visitors would get their second straight nil-all draw. But in the 86th minute, a frenzied clearance by Clinton Saravia got to the midfield line, where Hamner picked up on it. She proceeded to carry the ball the length of the field, sneak into the corner, and create a sharply curving shot that went in off the post. The Bedistan fans erupted, knowing that Hamner had saved those two extra points.

[code:1:8e1b858166] Athamasha 0
(6) Bedistan 1 (Hamner 87)[/code:1:8e1b858166]

Despite the win, though, the Lions remain in third place in the hotly-contested Group 6:

[code:1:8e1b858166]Group 6
Rank Name P W D L F A GD Pts
(23) Squornshelous 8 5 3 0 7 0 +7 18
(15) Tanah Burung 8 5 2 1 11 2 +9 17
(06) Bedistan 8 5 1 2 10 2 +8 16
(26) Gesamtkuntswerk 8 4 3 1 12 4 +8 15
Athamasha 8 1 2 5 6 12 -6 5
Dual supporters 8 0 5 3 5 13 -8 5
NEWI Cefn Druids 8 0 5 3 4 13 -9 5
Creedence Clearwater 8 0 3 5 6 15 -9 3[/code:1:8e1b858166]

At this point it is obvious which four teams are definitely out of the running, but the four ranked teams (all in the top 30) will certainly be fighting to the death for those two or three qualifying spots.

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha – W 1-0
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung
Day 12: at Dual supporters
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

Statistics - Team
[code:1:8e1b858166] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 105 13 19 17 7 21 20 8
Wins 56 5 8 8 5 13 12 5
Draws 19 5 5 2 0 3 3 1
Losses 30 3 6 7 2 5 5 2
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.3 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +61 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +8
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:8e1b858166]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:8e1b858166]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 7 4 0.57
A. Hamner 2 1 0.50
N. Palin 8 2 0.25
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 8 1 0.13

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
T. Fukushima 0.5 0 0.00
E. Oldenburg 7.5 2 0.27[/code:1:8e1b858166]

Eauz

11-01-2004, 15:40

Fourth Straight win keeps Eauz on top

In the second meeting between Les Bleus and The Weegies resulted in a Win for Les Bleus...

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

[code:1:82f12b1d87]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 8 5 2 1 12 6 6 17
Lemmitania 8 4 4 0 12 3 9 16
Busby 8 3 5 0 12 5 7 14
Keyshona 8 3 3 2 6 3 3 12
The Weegies 8 2 5 1 7 6 1 11
Sliponia 8 3 2 3 11 11 0 11
Jeruselem 8 1 0 7 2 12 -10 3
Avenging Altos 8 0 1 7 2 18 -16 1
[/code:1:82f12b1d87]

Belmorian Scandinavia

11-01-2004, 16:29

Alex Dunner: Welcome to the BCC for Match of The Day looking at this lunchtime’s footballing action.

Tom Wickersham: We'll start with our main feature as TBF play Ptolomy with our best XI playing. Simon Dungate and Ian Belmore commentate.

Ian Belmore: So TBF are playing right to left in this first half, let's have a look at how they line up.

Simon Dungate: TBF have gone with their previous goalie Will Edwards in goal. This year’s new addition Gordon Sumas has made the number 2 spot. Thomas Wickersham makes it into number 3 with Kshitz Ghandi and Alec Mitchell taking up on the other two defensive spots. Out on the right of Midfield TBF have decided to yield Parkinson. In the centre of midfield Dunner is playing alongside Price with Goshawk playing to their left. But Upfront Alan Belmore makes his long anticipated return alongside Fosam Smith.

IB: So we're about to start. Smith play's it to Belmore, Belmore back to Dunner who plays it across to Goshawk. Goshawk runs past <vampire 7> and takes it across to the byline. Goshawk whips it in, Dunner connects... GOAL! Alex Dunner has given TBF the lead after only 27 seconds. What a great start to TBF's 100th game.
*Replay shows*
SD: Yes it was a great run by Goshawk running the ball past <vampire 7> and a perfect cross to match a fabulous run that Alex Dungate only had to tap into the net.
*5th minute*
IB: Parkinson controls the ball on the halfway line. Back to Wickersham. Now up to Price who chips it forward to Dunner. Through to Belmore, Belmore takes a shot from long range but it flies over
*17th minute*
SD:Ghandi to take the free kick inside the Belmorian box. Miscued, <vampire 9> collects and takes it straight back in, Edwards is helpless and <vampire 9> only has to blast the ball into the bottom hand corner of the goal.
*Replay shown*
IB: Ghandi just kicking the ground instead of the ball leaving <vampire 9> with a simple goal.
*24th minute*
IB:Well intercepted by Belmore. Plays Smith on, Smith shoots, what a save by the keeper. Turns it round for a corner. Smith almost regained the lead for TBF.
*31st Minute*
SD:<vampire 3> clears only to Belmore who plays it out to Parkinson. Parkinson lifts in the cross, fumbled by the keeper, OH! Alan Belmore places the ball over the bar.
*45th Minute*
IB:<vampire 9> is on the charge but the whistle is blown, we'll be back after the break.

11-01-2004, 16:52

WARRIORS FIGHT OFF ANTI-NAZIS ON HOME SOIL

The Praying2God Warriors earned their first ever World Cup victory at home yesterday against the Anti-Nazis 2-0 at the House of Prayer before a packed house of 90,000 screaming fans. This was expected to be a close game because Praying2God had lost 0-1 at Anti-Nazis in their first ever World Cup match. It was a well fought game by both teams, and after the first half the scoreboard was barren. However, in the 52nd minute Francis of Assisi converted a penalty kick for a 1-0 lead. Later on, captain Martin Luther scored his second goal of the Cup on a cross from fellow forward John Calvin in the 84th minute to complete the scoring. Joshua Harris made 9 saves for his first World Cup shutout. The Warriors next visit Iansisle with whom they drew 0-0 in their first meeting.

11-01-2004, 18:29

The populace of Artemisia Absentia woke up today being able to turn on their televisions for the first time in days due to a labor union strike in the Filming Industry. The strike ended at roughly 1am, when the union leader and the national television studios etched a last minute agreement so that the people of Artemisia Absentia could actually find out how their beloved soccer team was doing in the qualifiers and watch the final day of qualifying.
The people were all shocked to find that the team was currently in 5th place in Group 11. Many people have now lost money on their bets that the team would fold under pressure after one game and return home. One person however, a Mr. Cresce Vere, did manage to bet on the team finishing in 5th place in the group. And with locally produced 3million to one odds and the fact that he bet 100 Sugarcubes on it could make him a multimillionaire if the team manages to place 5th or higher.

Oglethorpia

11-01-2004, 19:39

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Zinger in Zinkoland
Wonderteam ups winning streak to two games

By Bill Christmas

ZINKOLAND (BT) -- The Wonderteam's insistance to travel to their games from now on by land [via Magic Bus] nearly caused them to be late for their matchday 8 duel with Zinkoland. Quickly scurrying out onto the field, the Bureaucratic States Armed Forces band rushed through the normally 41 minute Oglethorpian national anthem in a scant 12 minutes -- nearly capturing the full glory of the uncut version in the drasically cut down time. With all the hurry in getting to the field and beginning the match, it was a surprisingly boring start to the match on both the parts of Oglethorpia and Zinkoland.

Of note was defender Butch Beige's replacement -- substitute Roy Teal, who had been playing fine defense for the first quarter of an hour of the match.

It was near this time that a Floyd Black volley across the Zinkolandic midfield would be taken down by Torrence Black -- winding up a shot on goal, the ball traveled towards the goal furious speed. Blocked by the keeper, but not caught, Jorge White was there to make a second attempt on goal -- this time with no goalie in sight, putting Oglethorpia up 1-nil in the 16th minute.

"It all worked out," Black said after the game. "Glad that White was there to make the second shot."

Oglethorpia's preformance after the Jorge White goal in the 16th minute changed from one of caution to one of confidence -- and amidst this, Zinkolandic Striker Goonie #2 would nearly put one in the goal. Striker Goonie #1 sent one over the Oglethorpian defense -- and Striker Goonie #2's header was barely knocked out by poor aim into the cross bar, Yamamoto-san making a dive in his best efforts to stop the near-goal in the 21st.

After that the Wonderteam would go to the half with no more major scares on the Yamamoto-san kept goal. Said he after the game, "apparently i'm still keepin' out the goals pretty well." When asked about the near goal in the 21st, he said "maybe some of it's luck."

Said coach Picciotto, "Yamamoto-san's playing fantastic. Luck or not, he keeps us winning games after it seems like we lost that explosive offense from World Cup X."

The second half kicked off in favor of Zinkoland -- but sloppy passing put it in the hands of team captain Fernando Green, whom sent it to Floyd Black, whom send it to Green, who sent it back to Black, who sent it down to the other Black -- and a deflected shot off a Zinkolandic defender finally gave the Wonderteam a corner kick. In traditional fashion, team captain Fernando Green took the corner for Oglethorpia -- his well placed curving kick was headed once by the defense, sky high -- and the oldest Wonderteam striker, apparently the most patient, had the timing to head it into the back of the goal. In the 52nd, Oglethorpia was up 2-nil.

"That was amazing," said Fernando Green after the game. "Kirk just waited, and waited -- and headed it at just the right time."

An almost flawless preformance was nearly smudged by sloppy play by Butch Beige's substitute Roy Teal -- who's tackle of Zinkolandic Striker Goonie #3 saw his ejection from the game with the call of a red.

"Now we've got to find a defender," commented Picciotto after the incident. "Both the starter and sub out for a few games."

Aside from Roy Teal's ejection, the Wonderteam maintained the 2-nil victory with only 10 men and fulltime saw things sealed in the books.

"It's a good win," said Fernando Green. "As long as we keep up with NASTIC 2 and Dark Outcasts, we'll hopefully qualify."

"We plan to keep up with 'em," said striker Jorge White.

"They've got to stumble sometime," remarked midfielder Floyd Black.

"Hopefully, we won't have to count on them playing badly -- we have to concentrate on our own preformance," said a confident coach Picciotto. "Luckily, it's been pretty good lately." Perhaps the best words of wisdom from the Wonderteam.

Here's how group 2 shakes down after the conclusion of matchday 8.

[code:1:94b8b52cb9]
Group 2
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
NASTIC 2 8 6 1 1 13 4 9 19
Oglethorpia 8 5 2 1 9 1 8 17
Dark Outcasts 8 4 3 1 16 4 12 15
Svecia 8 3 3 2 7 7 0 12
Zinkoland 8 3 2 3 7 5 2 11
Timway 8 3 1 4 9 9 0 10
Alex The Tall 8 1 1 6 5 22 -17 4
Gmlac 8 0 1 7 3 17 -14 1

[/code:1:94b8b52cb9]

The real story in group two is the topside of things -- Timway, Zinkoland and Svecia are all bunched up and within a point of each other. Similarly, NASTIC 2, Oglethorpia and Dark Outcasts are within two points of each other -- and the coming games could drastically alter the top 3 positions. The way things have been going though, the only jostling we've seen is Oglethorpia's move atop Dark Outcasts.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (J. White 16th, K. Calhoun 52nd)
Zinkoland - 0

Kingsford

11-01-2004, 20:00

World Cup Stat Sheet
Presented to you by Iota Novus Cellular Technologies

W 2-1 Kingsford @ Oilermania
D 1-1 Monkwearmouth @ Kingsford (Island Park, Thunderbird)
W 1-0 Defari @ Kingsford (Taverdown Road, Northern City)
L 1-2 Commerce Heights @ Kingsford (National Stadium, Kingsford City)
D 0-0 Kingsford @ Halfassedstates
W 2-1 Western pie makers @ Kingsford (Eudis Byran Park, Byrana)
W 1-0 Kingsford @ EL CID THE HERO
_ _-_ Oilermania @ Kingsford (ToryoTech Field, Toryo)
_ _-_ Kingsford @ Monkwearmouth
_ _-_ Kingsford @ Defari
_ _-_ Kingsford @ Commerce Heights
_ _-_ Halfassed States @ Kingsford (Iota Novus Stadium, Gawandi)
_ _-_ Kingsford @ Western pie makers
_ _-_ EL CID THE HERO @ Kingsford (Northfence Pushing, Arms of Nobles)

-----

[code:1:d887ffe83a]
Group 9
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights 7 4 3 0 10 2 8 15
Kingsford 7 4 2 1 8 4 4 14
Halfassedstates 7 3 4 0 8 1 7 13
Defari 7 3 2 2 12 5 7 11
Monkwearmouth 7 2 1 4 11 13 -2 7
Oilermania 7 2 1 4 7 10 -3 7
Western pie makers 7 2 0 5 2 10 -8 6
EL CID THE HERO 7 1 1 5 2 15 -13 4
[/code:1:d887ffe83a]

-----

New Additions Not Entirely A Bad Idea
by Oren Salgo

As you know, there have been two changes in the starting lineup and three new players in the reserves, but will these new players perform?

Uli Sedakoi has lost the ball 8 times in his last two games, and has missed 12 tackles overall. He also has received a new halfway to qualifying Kingsford National record of 5 yellow cards and 1 red card, so his reserve, Justin Isaac, has played the last two games. Isaac has had equally non impressive results, giving the ball away 17 times in the last two games, and only making one successful tackle out of an attempted thirty, not to mention taking 19 shots of goal, all at most 10 yards past the midfield line.

Brian Lavalais has lost a shocking 71% of attempted challenges, causing Talisman’s saves per game to go up from an average of 6.3 to 19.1. Once the opponent spots the weakness of the back three, on the left, they move in for the kill.

The new reserves haven’t done much harm though, for the chance they get to play. Seth Delos didn’t finish the Defari game, so Cheyk has played 7 minutes. In that 7 minutes he made all three of his attempted challenges and has a 100% pass rate. George Talon will be out for at least 3 games, obtaining an injury against EL CID THE HERO, so Jon Swift has played 19 minutes, and scored the game winning goal. He is 3/3 for shots on target and has a 75% pass rate.

Seeing, though, as they’ve gotten almost no chance to play, will those statistics hold up? Cheyk has a mysterious way of playing, and somehow, though a big name star, he can never lead his team past the Quarterfinals in Kingsford’s Cup, and always gets knocked out by either a lower division team. We’ll see, though, eventually, on Kingsford’s success in World Cup 11.
Oren Salgo writes about football for the Baderstrudt Crier)

NEWI Cefn Druids

11-01-2004, 20:17

NEWI NEWS

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DRAW
David Rhys-Jones reports from Cranbury on NEWI Cefn Druids 0 Squornshelous 0

Another draw for the Druids, their fifth in six games, was enough to convince everyone here in Cranbury of the growing credentials of this Druids side.

Coach Trevor Stevens told reporters after the match that this was his side’s best performance, against a Squornshelous team unbeaten in the group so far. After recent disappointing performances, a draw today was as much a surprise as the performance was.

In another match where chances were few and far between, the only time when either keeper was tested was midway through the second half, when Seaton deflected a free kick from the Squornshelous right goalwards. Allinson in goal gathered from above his head with ease.

Watching the Druids at the moment is, to put it frankly, hellishly boring. There have only been a total of four shots on target in their last two games. However, it is helping them to improving results – despite not winning yet, the Druids have lost only one match in six. Not bad, but not the kind of form you would want to visit Bedistan in.

Final score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 0
Squornshelous 0

Druids team: ( 4-5-1 ) Allinson; Kallins, Yates, Seaton, Pearson; Simpson, Le, Trevor ( Frederiksson 64 ), James, Welsh; Greaves ( Unis 68 ).

FREDERIKSSON CHARGES DROPPED

Meanwhile, the charges made against Druids striker Björn-Trevor Frederiksson have been dropped when it was discovered that he was in the company of Head Coach Trevor Sevens for the entire duration of the match.

In a statement to the Parkville Police, Stevens said “Björn-Trevor was with me all day. I had dropped him to play a different formation in the match, and he was not best pleased about being on the bench. For that reason, I kept a very watchful eye on him for the entire duration.”

It seems unusual that Stevens’ statement has only just been released, but it seems as if the Parkville Police have held the document for a number of weeks. It means that Frederiksson will travel to Bedistan without the worries of a court case languishing over him.

Brazillico

11-01-2004, 21:08

Brazillico Manager Guarentees Win

Esteban de Jesus has layed it all out on the line and has made one of the riskiest wager's in Brazillico's long and proud gambling history. If his team does not beat Exetonia at home, De Jesus has said that he will step down as manager of the Brazillican nationals.

"We've failed to win three in a row and have only collected four points out of a possible fifteen over the last five games," said De Jesus. "I don't want to be associated with a losing team and I find myself evaluating my competencies as a manager and wondering if I'm right for the job."

De Jesus is much like ex-Brazillico manager Juan Valdez, who as a former player became manager of the international side, without much managing experience. The Valdez experiment of course went sour, since after sporting a -7 goal differencial in only three World Cup games, he swiftly saw the axe.

"If we don't win the Monday nighter against Exetonia, I will give my resignation following the game," promised De Jesus.

This revelation comes as a shock, as the media has not really blamed De Jesus for Brazillico's performance in the qualifiers thusfar. Standing in fourth, albeit five points behind third placed Spaam, Brazillico's run had been labeled as satisfactory, and any blame on the team underachieving had been placed on the lack of offence generated by players.

"We're in a position to perhaps make a run for a qualification birth," said De Jesus. "Four of our six remaining games are at home and we play all three teams ahead of us. We can't abandon hope, but we're definitely on the outside looking in."

Audioslavia

11-01-2004, 21:35

'slaves Held in Second Scoreless Bore
Oddslavo - Audioslavia ends 0-0... Again...

Audioslavia travelled to fellow challengers Oddslavo and were held to a 0-0 draw almost as boring as the two sides first encounter.

The most exciting moment in the game was a second-half goalmouth scramble in the Oddslavo area, with Willow having a shot saved by the goalkeeper's legs and Ward having a shot cleared off the line in the space of a few seconds.

[code:1:e4764637fd]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 8 7 0 1 16 4 12 21
Audioslavia 8 5 2 1 10 2 8 17
Oddslavo 8 4 3 1 7 3 4 15
Big Butts 8 3 3 2 10 8 2 12
Artemisia Absentia 8 3 2 3 11 10 1 11
Lynnwoode 8 2 1 5 8 14 -6 7
Ice Reavers 8 2 1 5 8 14 -6 7
Mattigool 8 0 0 8 4 19 -15 0
[/code:1:e4764637fd]

Audioslavia retain second spot in the league, and are likely to retain that spot over the next four games, which see them play Mattigool, Lynnwoode, Artemsia Absentia and Ice Reavers - the four bottom sides in the league. Oddslavo have the same fixtures but in a different order, so it is likely both sides will be in the same positions but 9-to-12 points better off by the time they face the more difficult opposition, namely Aquilla and Big Butts.

These two sides played today, with Big Butts pulling off an absoloutely fantastic win, beating the high-flyers Aquilla by four goals to one and bringing themselves within three points of the top three. With the 'slaves and 'slavos holding each other to a scoreless draw, the gap between the two teams and Aquilla closes by just one point.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

Rejistania

11-01-2004, 22:42

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues win 50th match
The Orange-Blues played yesterday their their 50th international match against Shonar Bangla. Because of the great interest, the match was not in the Hanin Sekhika Stadium but in the Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium in Hetkali. Especially SyLy seemed to be happy to play here, since he played for Hetlasane several years before he changed to Liverpool England side Orean United. Not that happy were some fans, because as the RejisFA is not the most efficient organisation in the world, the announcement came a bit surprising for some of them.

The match started a bit slowly: Both sides are known for their usually defensive tactics. Shonar Bangla had during most of the first half all players in their own half. It was no 'System Imdila' but a 'System Karela' (named after the club karela lines, which celebrates this style of game in the second north mintanian league). The Rejistanians had not many chances against this tactic so the first half ended nil all.
In the second half, the Orange-Blues played much more offensive. A defensive error by a Shonar Banglan, who was listed as forward in their roster allowed SyLy to archieve the lead in the 57th minute. The fans cheered. The Orange-Blues continues to play offensive and in the 63rd minute, the lead was extended to a 2-0, again archieved by SyLy after a corner shot by Su'he. The match began to remind of a Hetkali Hetlasane match in the good old days when SyLy archieved most of the goals. Shonar Bangla suddently realised that their tactic didn't work and also changed to an a bit more offensive style. Still their chances were nearly non-existing. The 2-1 was archieved by an embarrsing error of goalie Syku Hexen, who fell over his own feet when he attemted to shoot a ball back. Despite this error, the Orange-Blues didn't need to fear the equalizer since Shonar Bangla simply couldn't attack. It is surely no coincidence, that 90% of all Shonar Banglan domestic matches end 0-0.

The result:
Rejistania: 2 (Lyku: 57th, 63th)
Shonar Bangla: 1 (Hexen, 86th, own goal)

Spaam

12-01-2004, 03:05

We Must Be Doing Something Right

The Spaamanians seem to have found their feet, culminating in their 4 nill
defeat of One Blue Dot at Drakken City. Coach Sëhelin fielded a very
young team last night, the oldest being 21 year old forward midfielder
Travis Dodd, not counting enigmatic striker, Nala Eromleb. Goalkeeper Fin
Bólin was sidelined with a cold, allowing Alatári Súrion to play her first
World Cup qualifying match, and all three of the Súrion triplets to play for
the first time. The change proved to be a good one, with the Dots being
completely shut out, and Alatári earning player of the match. On the
offensive side, young striker Meren Lûin scored a hattrick against the Dots,
all three goals coming in the first half, with Nala Eromleb scoring a late
goal in the 89th minute.

This win means Spaam has a 5-0-0 record in the past 5 games, scoring 14
goals, and letting none in. Spaam has also scored 9 goals in the past two
matches. Spaam is currently in 3rd position in the group table, a point
behind Ravenspire, and a win behind Kaze Progessa, while a full 5 points
ahead of fomer dual World Cup champions Brazillico. However, the real
test will come in the next two games, as Spaam plays the top two teams
away. Critics are commenting that Spaam will probably find itself back in
4th position after these games, giving them next to no chance of coming
away with any points.

The team for last night's match was this:
[code:1:c8aaf3e8a7]
13 Eromleb 18 Lûin
7 Dodd 15 Elrik
6 Tomson 19 Súrion
2 Duran 11 Pantel
20 Súrion 5 Bók
17 Súrion
[/code:1:c8aaf3e8a7]

Spaam 4
[18] Lûin 13, 16, 29 [13] Eromleb 89
One Blue Dot 0

12-01-2004, 03:35

Paladins in grapple with East Spaam

3-1 win over Belmorian Foxworthia and 3-0 win against Tree Mountains needed to keep up with Spaam

The Paladins have just pulled off a pair of fairly easy wins over Belmorian Foxworthy and The Tree Mountains. The typically moribund Paladins offense is showing signs of life. They're sitting in first place in Group 8. So why isn't anyone smiling?

We decided to hit the streets and ask around.

"East Spaam," said one fan. "Will we hold off Spaam?" asked another. "Can [they] be stopped?"

Yep, although the victories are due cause for celebration, East Spaam is still the bogeyman hovering over the heads of the Paladins. And with our next two games against powerhouses Arrida and Nikea, more fun is ahead.

At the Paladin Dome, the players for tonight's game against Arrida are amazingly unpressured.

"We can only go out and play," said starting foward Charles Bruneau. "We can only do our best. Any worrying is just making it worse."

The Paladins drew with Arrida in their first match against them. Tonight most players know that a win will probably be needed to keep pace with East Spaam.

"Will we need this win? Probably," said coach of the day Wolfgang Fuunkeypaantz. "But we can't afford to stress out. We'll leave the panic attacks to the reporters and fans."

Dang straight they are. This was Bob Bobson, back to you Jerosephat.

Commerce Heights

12-01-2004, 04:22

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Commerce Heights Draws Again In 25th Consecutive Home Sellout
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Even with the immigration to Manhattanite-occupied Sokojito and the border disputes between several new territories, a sellout crowd were still packed into National Stadium for the Bulldogs' 25th consecutive home sellout game against Halfassedstates. Though the game was rather uneventful, the crowd saw the most spectacular halftime presentation since WC10's Liverpool England match, taking the crowd away from the 0-1 score on the display. The second half primarily consisted of HAS players passing the ball around, with the occasional takeaway by the Bulldogs, until Quigley managed to kick the ball flying past him into the goal for the equalizer. Both teams tried to knock in a second goal before the whistle, but it did not happen, and Noel Hicks' record moved to 4-4-0.
(19) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 81)
(13) Halfassedstates 1 - FT
Since Oilermania managed to hold Kingsford to a draw, the Bulldogs retained their 1-point lead on Group 9:
[code:1:bae0304679]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 8 4 4 0 11 3 +8 16
Kingsford (9) 8 4 3 1 9 5 +4 15
Defari (55) 8 4 2 2 14 5 +9 14
Halfassedstates (13) 8 3 5 0 9 2 +7 14
Oilermania (104) 8 2 2 4 8 11 -3 8
Monkwearmouth 8 2 1 5 11 15 -4 7
EL CID THE HERO (100) 8 2 1 5 4 15 -11 7
Western pie makers 8 2 0 6 2 12 -10 6[/code:1:bae0304679]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford – W 2-1
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania – T 0-0
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth – W 1-0
Day 7: at #55 Defari – T 1-1
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates – T 1-1
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:bae0304679] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 67 10 13 17 19 8
Wins 35 3 6 10 12 4
Draws 14 3 4 1 2 4
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.1 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 74.3
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 1.4 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.1 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +29 -3 +5 +6 +13 +8
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:bae0304679]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:bae0304679]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 8 4 0.50
B. Quigley 8 3 0.38
C. Deppiesse 8 2 0.25
O. Zaidi 8 1 0.13
M. McCormick 8 1 0.13

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 8 3 0.38[/code:1:bae0304679]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 8
[code:1:bae0304679]Chg Rk Team Pts
+01 01 The Belmore Family 3.23
+01 02 One Red Dot 3.49
+02 03 Rejistania 4.52
+02 04 Liverpool England 4.68
-04 05 Aquilla 4.77
+01 06 The Lowland Clans 4.95
+02 07 East Spaam 5.18
+10 08 NASTIC 2 5.45
+01 09 New Montreal States 5.49
+03 10 Kaze Progressa 5.74
-06 Ravenspire 5.74
+05 12 Oglethorpia 6.01
-05 13 Sqournshelous 6.06
+01 14 Runaway Moose 6.19
-03 15 Audioslavia 6.42
+05 16 Eauz 6.54
-06 17 Commerce Heights 6.59
+06 18 Lemmitania 6.65
+03 19 Dennisov 6.91
+05 20 Europa Brittania 6.98
+06 21 Tanah Burung 7.03
+10 22 Bedistan 7.29
-04 23 Nikea 7.38
-04 24 Snub Nose 38 7.66
+08 25 Giant Zucchini 7.73
+08 26 Spaam 7.79
N/A 27 Dark Outcasts 7.97
-05 28 Halfassedstates 8.03
N/A 29 Lanky dude 8.04
N/A 30 Gesamtkuntswerk 8.07
-05 31 Ariddia 8.09
-05 32 Kingsford 8.22
Other teams:
+13 39 Big Butts 8.84
-02 45 Iansisle 9.66
+03 48 Brazillico 10.27
N/A 53 Vozvyshennost 11.31
-02 56 Cockbill Street 11.79
+05 63 NEWI Cefn Druids 13.57
+11 64 Praying2God 13.59
0 87 Jeruselem 16.78
-01 95 Mattigool 18.79
'Chg' indicates the change in rank from the previous matchday.
N/A indicates that the rank from the previous matchday was not available.[/code:1:bae0304679]

Oglethorpia

12-01-2004, 05:07

The Bureaucratic Tribune

It came from United Spaam!
"Mad evisceratomato ain't from here," says Stumbles

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In a press release broadcasted earlier today, the Food, Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation (FD&FAA&F) addressed several standing issues related to the current mad evisceratomato outbreak in Oglethorpia. Before the press, FD&FAA&F Director Mike Stumbles spoke for a lengthy hour, beginning with the source of the mad evisceratomato. According to Mike Stumbles, the ESE infected vegatables came from farms in Spaam, whom fed their evisceratomato crops with parts of dead, infected evisceratomatoes.

"That's right," reiterated Stumbles in the FD&FAA&F Office Complex, "the farms responsible for this outbreak are in Spaam, and not Oglethorpia."

Furthermore, Stumbles announced FD&FAA&F plans to curb the amount of mad evisceratomatoes in existance -- by burning those infected in great pyres.

"Offshore from Oglethorpia, of course. 2,345 evisceratomatoes labeled as 'mad' are already being arranged for to be burned -- and to remove the threat to Oglethorpians and evisceratomato consumers everywhere."

Perhaps the most startling thing Stumbles addressed all night was so-called mad evisceratomato victim Butch Beige, who two weeks ago, claimed to have contracted mad evisceratomato by eating a "whole heap of them" before an Oglethorpian Wonderteam match.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Butch Beige, of the Oglethorpian Wonderteam does not have mad evisceratomato. In fact, no one has contracted mad evisceratomato from eating them. The verdict? Evisceratomatoes on the market are still safe. I don't know what Butch here was trying to pull -- maybe some mad publicity stunt. It sure worked."

Butch Beige could not be reached for comment.

No more evisceratomatoes, since those taken off the market a month ago, have been pulled out of circulation to Oglethorpian food marts.

"The proper checks are in place to ensure that infected evisceratomatoes will not be consumed by the public," Stumbles once again reiterated in the mad evisceratomato crisis. "The problem is being dealt with properly."

Brazillico

12-01-2004, 05:27

In light of the recent confusion involving mad evisceratomatoes, the Brazillican Food and Drug Administration (BFDA) has given a demonstration on how to distinguish between a good evisceratomato and a mad one.

Here is a good, healthy tasty evisceratomato:
http://home.rochester.rr.com/abbysues/AbbySues1/originalimages/dance%20tomato.gif

Here is an example of a mad evisceratomato:
http://www.highrise.dircon.co.uk/groundfl/concierg/notepad/killtom.jpg

Please take note that the mad evisceratomato can be distinguished by its jagged teeth, crimson flesh color and leakage of fluids. We encourage you to eat evisceratomatoes, but if you happen stumble upon a mad one, do not hesitate to contact the Brazillico Food and Drug Administration, as we will quarantine it, ship it to Oglethorpia and throw it into the big bonfire.
This announcement has been paid for by the Brazillico Food and Drug Administration

Liverpool England

12-01-2004, 08:27

Liverpool England Remains unbeaten has keeper Hearne gets penalty double

Pablicosta 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 2 (Mark Hearne pen 42, 78)
Goalkeeper Mark Hearne grabbed his fourth goal of qualifying, his first in open play today, scoring once from the spot and a rebound from a missed penalty. Hearne, in his last cup, has had his red-card for handball rescinded after the referee accepted that he had made a mistake. The odd for LE to remain undefeated in qualifying are 16-5.

Total n Utter Insanity

12-01-2004, 10:56

New Variant of Extrasee Found!

It appears a much more powerful version of the drug Extrasee has appeared on the Insanician Blackmarket. Instead of using EEE, the creators are using infected Spaamanian and Oglethorpian Evisceratomatoes. This boosts the effects by over 500%, giving the user a high like no other as well as a 360 degree perceptionary sense. The World Cup Committee implemented random testing for the drug among players in the current World Cup.

OOC: LE most handballs by keepers are accidents; the ref wouldn’t let him off. Change it or I’ll have to take actions against the LEFA ;)

Dennisov

12-01-2004, 12:39

Cheevers back to Zero

After the close game against Snub Nose 38, the Dennish team returned home to prepare for their next fixture against Kor3a. The away game had been won 1-0 and the same was required again to keep hope for qualifying alive.

With the addition of Bauer to the squad, the defensive minded players were given the additional option of a player with an eye for openings and opportunities. With Cheevers in goal, manager Al Arbour finally gave in to the outside pressure for more offensive minded players.

Game 8
Dennisov - Kor3a 2-0
28th minute: Conacher 1-0
39th minute: Malone 2-0

Jeruselem

12-01-2004, 14:14

Jeruselem Government News

Busby ruin Crusaders day

A rampant Busby ruined any chance of the Jeruselem Crusaders making the next stage in World Cup XI with a resounding 4-0 win.

The Busby team simply was too good on the day with their star players outclassing the hapless Crusader defense at will. The Jeruselem keeper was kept busy all game, but was unable to stop four goals from being scored.

Some fans started getting rowdy after Busby scored the 3rd goal, but security rounded up the troublemakers who were never seen again.

Captain David Becks spoke to the media "Busby look good and are our favourites to head make the next stage along with Eauz and Lemmitania. If they can repeat this more often, other teams better beware."

OOC

My EPL team, Leeds, is also 2nd last. :(

Halfassedstates

12-01-2004, 14:28

Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 8
[code:1:a6618833f7]Chg Rk Team Pts
+01 01 The Belmore Family 3.23
+01 02 One Red Dot 3.49
+02 03 Rejistania 4.52
+02 04 Liverpool England 4.68
-04 05 Aquilla 4.77
+01 06 The Lowland Clans 4.95
+02 07 East Spaam 5.18
+10 08 NASTIC 2 5.45
+01 09 New Montreal States 5.49
+03 10 Kaze Progressa 5.74
-06 Ravenspire 5.74
+05 12 Oglethorpia 6.01
-05 13 Sqournshelous 6.06
+01 14 Runaway Moose 6.19
-03 15 Audioslavia 6.42
+05 16 Eauz 6.54
-06 17 Commerce Heights 6.59
+06 18 Lemmitania 6.65
+03 19 Dennisov 6.91
+05 20 Europa Brittania 6.98
+06 21 Tanah Burung 7.03
+10 22 Bedistan 7.29
-04 23 Nikea 7.38
-04 24 Snub Nose 38 7.66
+08 25 Giant Zucchini 7.73
+08 26 Spaam 7.79
N/A 27 Dark Outcasts 7.97
-05 28 Halfassedstates 8.03
N/A 29 Lanky dude 8.04
N/A 30 Gesamtkuntswerk 8.07
-05 31 Ariddia 8.09
-05 32 Kingsford 8.22
Other teams:
+13 39 Big Butts 8.84
-02 45 Iansisle 9.66
+03 48 Brazillico 10.27
N/A 53 Vozvyshennost 11.31
-02 56 Cockbill Street 11.79
+05 63 NEWI Cefn Druids 13.57
+11 64 Praying2God 13.59
0 87 Jeruselem 16.78
-01 95 Mattigool 18.79
'Chg' indicates the change in rank from the previous matchday.
N/A indicates that the rank from the previous matchday was not available.[/code:1:a6618833f7]

CH how are ya working this out?
Just HAS is above Kingsford (am I assume Defari) even though I am behind them in the current qualifiers!
I take it past record is involved somehow!

IC:
Sowhatsville Sunday News Back page

Sherwood double gives Halfassed easy win

The last match of the 1st half of qualification finally saw the best of Robin Sherwood. As early as the 5th minute the youngster showed his intentions with a thundering drive that hit the crossbar.
His first goal arrived in the 28th minute. Lecters cross was headed goalward by Gunnet and despite produsing a great save, all the keeper could do was palm the ball into Sherwood's path. 1-0 Halfassed.
Just before the break, the game was over. This time it was Perfect who sent in the cross and this time Gunnet's header beat the keeper.
With the Halfassed players confident of victory, the second half became something of a procession as they passed the ball about confortably with out really troubling the Monkwearmouth goal. Eventually, with 10 minutes left, Sherwood capped a 'Man of the Match' performance with a superbly taken individual goal.
The win keeps Halfassed in contention for the automatic qualifying place sitting just behind Leaders CH (who we play next) and Kingsford.

Halfassedstates

12-01-2004, 15:09

Sowhatsville News back page

Gunnet's goal not quite enough

Halfassed's 99th World Cup match was a crucial away match against group 9 leaders Commercial Heights.
Both sides knew that a win could prove vital to their chances of automatic qualification, especially with both having still to face return games against Kingsford and Defari.
Buoyed by their win in Monkwearmouth in the last match, Halfassed started the brighter. On 15 minutes, Perfect's cross was met by Sherwood on the volley, but the ball sailed over. Five minutes later, another cross from Perfect was headed on by Sherwood. Gunnet was at the back post, unmarked and had time to chest the ball down before cooly slotting it home. 1-0
Thats how it remained until half-time. In what was a somewhat unusual event for the Halfassed side and supporters, the CH side had a half-time show arranged. A spectacular display of fireworks and music stunned the whole crowd and must have made Smiths half-time team talk nearly impossible.
Nevertheless, the Halfassed side dug in and controlled the play well in the second period. Fatally however, they could not get the clinching second goal, and against any top class side a one goal lead is never secure, especially in the cauldron-like atmosphere of the CH National Stadium when it is packed to capacity.
With just less than 10 minutes left this was proved to be the case as a hopeful looking long-ball was swung at first time by Quigley, and the looping shot left Jennung with no chance. 1-1.
Both sides went for the win, Halfassed saw Sherwood and Lecter have shots well saved, while at the other end Jennung saved well at the feet of Quigley as he chased a through ball, and Ducks produced another of her trademark last ditch tackles to stop the same player with just seconds left.

The draw coupled with Kingfords surprising draw sees CH stay top of Group 9 a point ahead of Kingsford, who are a further point ahead of Defari and Halfassed. The Defari side head Halfassed on goal difference, and worryingly for our side, this positition would see us miss out completely on the chance of progressing to WCXI. With 6 games to go, there is plenty to play for, but it isn't going to be easy!

Next for Halfassed will be El Cid the Hero in our 100th ever WC match. Kick-off will be at 7pm local time, and a few tickets are still available from the Commonwealth Stadium ticket office.

Snub Nose 38

12-01-2004, 15:43

... Wir brauchen Eier, verstehen Sie was, ich meine? Eier." The last words were spoken in Klokset's strange dialekt, we didn't understand him...
Wenn mann versteht was Klokset hadt gesacht, es warr etwas :shock: und :D :, weis du?

Snub Nose 38

12-01-2004, 15:56

12-01-2004, 17:03

This is to inform you that Matchday 9 Results and Tables (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2572884&highlight=#2572884) have now been posted.

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

Jeruselem

12-01-2004, 17:08

OOC

Another 1-0 loss!
:(

We'll post a full report tomorrow.

12-01-2004, 17:55

ARTEMISIA ABSENTIA LOSES AGAIN!!

The boys from Artemisia Absentia lost a painful game, well mentally at least. They managed to jump out to a surprising 1-0 lead off of a goal by Striker Luciano Batista. However, hopes came crashing down once Aquilla decided to stop toying around and pretending that they might actually lose. They quickly scored three goals in the period of 45 seconds by pretty much doing whatever they pleased on the pitch. The boys just couldn't stop them. It was almost reminicent of Kansas City's defense against Indianapolis yesterday. After the third goal to make it 3-1, Aquilla played keep away for the entire second half of the game. The boys however were not distraught for they knew that this game was going to be bad and pretty much just stood around and talked while Aquilla played keep away.

Halfassedstates

12-01-2004, 18:20

*we have just got back from the pub. As we sit down to enjoy our kebab, we flick on the TV. A HSMG News bulletin is on, just as we are about to flick over, the sports report starts*

..was a great night for Halfassed football wasn't John!

Indeed Sally. Well tonight saw Halfassed's 100th game in WC football, and to celebrate the occasion, all of the surviving squad members were in attendance this evening for the game. The players were introduced to the crowd before the game, with the loudest cheers being reserved for all-time leading goal scorer William Wallace, and Halfassed 2 representatives in the FIFA side that have qualified for the semi-finals of the WC for Regions. Freddy Crewgar and Vincent Jones both flew back for the game tonight, and will have enjoyed what they saw before they jetted off to rejoin the FIFA side and it preparations for the semis.

It was to be a joyous evening in the end, although the El Cid side certainly had intentions of spoiling the party. It took a great save from Jennung early on to deny the visitors a nineth minute lead. Ten minutes later, the capacity 95,000 stadium erupted as Gunnet extended his scoring streak blasting home a Soap pass after great work by Perfect on the right.
An El Cid corner then provided the second goal of the game. The strikers header was cleared off the line by Riddle and Ducks thumped it out of the box. Soap picked up the loose ball and fed Gunnet who held off a challange before returning the ball to Soap who rushed into the El Cid area before passing to Sherwood who finished with aplom.
That should have knocked the stuffing out of the El Cid side, but to their credit the fought back and a quickly taken free-kick by the captain found the #9 who pulled one back.
Following the CH game, the Halfassed FA had arranged a half-time show to celebrate this great occasion. It was a resounding success and the supporters were still aplauding the end of the firework display as the second half began.
It took until the 58th minute for Halfassed to restore their 2 goal lead, but it was a cracking goal that did so. Lecter swung over a corner from the left that Ducks headed goalwards. The keeper reacted brilliantly to punch the ball away as far as Lecter. Barely 4yards from the byline, Lecter swung at the ball and connected with the outside of his left boot. It was perhaps the sweetest connection anyone has ever made, the ball simply flew into the net to the astonishment of just about everyone!
The El Cid players heads went down after that, and just 3 minutes later, Gunnet's lay-off fell to Soap. His first time shot hit the post, but Sherwood was first to the loose ball and stabbed it home for the fourth.

The result keeps Halfassed in fourth, as the top three all won.

"We could affoard to slip-up. Both due to the nature of the group and also because of the crowd and who was there." said captain Soap afterwards. "Not one of us wanted to let the old timers down" he said grinning.
When asked about his wonder strike, Lecter simply said, " It was a great save by their keeper, I just wanted to get it back into the danger zone before he got back in position, so I swung at it, I never thought it would have went in. 9 times out of 10 the ball would have not even made it into the box never mind the goal!"

With the result, Halfassed record reads like this,
P100 W58 D23 L19 GF185 GA101

*we dont remember the rest of the report, but wake up in the chair at 4 in the morning with half a cold kebab in our lap and the TV showing a repeat of some poor quality show that should never have been produced. We curse to ourself and slowy stand up and head to bed. We can clean up later..*

Mattigool

12-01-2004, 19:01

Mattigool Sports

If you want something to laugh about,

(Goolsund)... just watch a footballmatch of the Gools. What has happened to this team? Remember 4-nations-tournament!!! Even Gamsten and Klokset played like beginners last night in Audioslavia. The defense was totally confused, the midfield had no ideas. The only player with average form was young striker Kristensen, who made his fourth goal in tournament. This team will probably loose the next three matches against Oddslavo, Aquilla and Big Butts, too. That means that they will loose 12 matches in a row. That might be a new record, but we won't be very proud about it. Whole Mattigool will be happy, when this qualifying round will have finished.

12-01-2004, 19:01

*Joining Brazillico's SPORTS ZONE in progress*

Robbie Torres: So the Bats lost the match 2-1 to Exetonia, which means Brazillico's winless streak has been pushed to four, and as expected, Esteban de Jesus resigned as manager of the Brazillican team. With more on the story, here's Tippy Flauta.

*Cut to a pre-registered recording, with Tippy dead center in the screen and the stadium in back of him.*

Tippy: No one could have expected it, but the Brazillicans lost 2-1 to Exetonia at home, moving this team which once headed the group down into a tie for fifth. The Brazillicans looked absolutely abysmal in this match, gathering two red cards and not showing the hustle we're accustomed to seeing from this side. Rumors are already floating about that the Brazillican players intentionally threw this game away to rid themselves of their now ex-manager, Esteban de Jesus.

"We try to play hard every night," said striker Pepe, "But maybe we'll get some positiveness in the locker room now that De Jesus is gone."

Tippy: It is believed that De Jesus was restraining Brazillico's offensive potential in favor of bolstering their defence. This move translated into a mere 8 goals for in 9 games, for an offense that was believed to average around two goals a game. Players had a hard time playing under De Jesus' "old school" system, a concept of rushing out to a lead and playing team defense to sit on top of it.

The Brazillico Football Association wasted absolutely no time at all in finding De Jesus' replacement, officially naming Horacio Cosmo 27 minutes after the game as Brazillico's new manager. Cosmo, a product of the "new school" of Brazillican football, is renowned for his insane offensive schemes, his aloof behaviour and rather questionable fashion sense.

*Shot of Cosmo at press conference, wearing a black top hat, open fuschia velvet blazer and a tye dye button down shirt.*

Cosmo: It's an honour to be named manager of this team. Hopefully I'll be able to help put the GOAL back in Brazilligoal. And we might just win some matches along the way.

Tippy: Cosmo's happy-go-lucky attitude is expected to be a welcome change to De Jesus' stern demeanor and sometimes violent temper. We'll see how the Bats take this changing of the guard, as they face off against the lowly Belarussian States at Dundee Lane on Tuesday night.

<edit>OOC: This is coming from Brazillico's puppet. I'm just too damn lazy and too damn stupid to switch users.

Alex The Tall

12-01-2004, 19:31

Patriots of Alex The Tall News!!!

The Patriots of ATT or not very competitive, after 9 games they have 1 Win, 1 Tie and 7 Loose. This is a catastrophy, we wish good luck to our teams for the rest of the tornament and we wish to be more competitive on the WC 12... "We will use the rest of the World Cup for a practice to the next WC, we will try to do much better" said the head coach after the last defeat...

Our team will have much experiance and they will be beter match after match... We said to you Good luck for every things...

And this Alvaroz Bolduco for the sports news!!! Thank You!

Eauz

12-01-2004, 20:19

Busby destroys 4 game win streak

Les Bleus came to the Country of Busby riding a 4 game win streak, and early in the game it appeared that streak would continue, as Les Bleus scored in the 14th minute. Unforunatly, Busby answered back in the 29th minute of play to tie it up. Les bleus put pressure on, though were unable to score anything, with the closest coming when the ball went off high hitting the post. Busby added a 2nd goal later in the game giving their team the victory. Les Bleus are tied up again for first place with 17 points, which looks as if in the end, the results will be close. As of today, all teams in the Group are technically still able to qualify. The next game for Les Bleus will be in Jeruselem, with the expectation that many Eauz fans will be packing the stadium. Watch out Jeruselem! (btw... good luck)
[code:1:265c0bff58] Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Busby 9 4 5 0 14 6 8 17
Eauz 9 5 2 2 13 8 5 17
Lemmitania 9 4 4 1 12 5 7 16
Keyshona 9 4 3 2 8 3 5 15
The Weegies 9 3 5 1 8 6 2 14
Sliponia 9 3 3 3 13 13 0 12
Jeruselem 9 1 0 8 2 13 -11 3
Avenging Altos 9 0 2 7 4 20 -16 2
[/code:1:265c0bff58]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Eauz

12-01-2004, 20:19

Oh C'est pas vrai, pas un double post! Doh! :(

Eauz

12-01-2004, 20:20

C'est pas vrai, un triple post... doh! :(

Bedistan

12-01-2004, 23:08

The Midway Journal

Manager on Thin Ice
Draw at home could cripple qualifying chances

MIDWAY -- When the Bedistan Lions left home to play NEWI Cefn Druids on matchday 2, they ended up with a resounding 3-0 victory over the football newcomers. One would think that with over 100,000 fans supporting the team at Parker National, the Lions could easily repeat such a feat.

Such a thought would be wrong.

A complete lack of goals by either side would make for a less-than-exciting game, but even more importantly, it raised serious questions about Gene Barber's management of the team.

"Well, it goes kinda like this," explained Manuel Sánchez of the Bedistan Football Association. "We started off as nothings in WC5, right? Jim Parker managed to take that team into the World Cup against all the odds, and we came out #27 in the world. World Cup 6 saw a similar performance, and we ended up #25. And Parker kept bringing the team up. In WC7 he took them all the way to the semifinals, coming out at #5. WC8, we got to the championship match and were considered third best in the world.

"And then he retired and let Barber take over. We still got to the semis in WC9, but that's still not as far as before. And WC10 was a complete fiasco for us. Taken out by Antaeus Rising in the second round? And now WC11. With just five matches to go, we're not even in a qualifying slot! Gene Barber is bringing the team down fast, and we've gotta get him out of there before we become the laughingstock of the football world."

Any failure to qualify will certainly see Barber get the sack, and even if the Lions do get through it could happen anyway, as Barber is quickly falling out of favor with the BFA and with the population of Bedistan.

[code:1:83112fc835](6) Bedistan 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 0[/code:1:83112fc835]

While still in contention for qualification, the Lions' position in the group table does not look good:

[code:1:83112fc835]Group 6
Rank Name P W D L F A GD Pts
(15) Tanah Burung 9 6 2 1 15 2 +13 20
(26) Gesamtkuntswerk 9 5 3 1 13 4 +9 18
(23) Squornshelous 9 5 3 1 7 1 +6 18
(06) Bedistan 9 5 2 2 10 2 +8 17
Athamasha 9 2 2 5 7 12 -5 8
NEWI Cefn Druids 9 0 6 3 4 13 -9 6
Dual supporters 9 0 5 4 5 14 -9 5
Creedence Clearwater 9 0 3 6 6 19 -13 3[/code:1:83112fc835]

The team really isn't performing badly -- 5-2-2 is actually fairly decent -- but the other three ranked squads are doing even better, thanks to a near-complete lack of losses.

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha – W 1-0
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids – D 0-0
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung
Day 12: at Dual supporters
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

Statistics - Team
[code:1:83112fc835] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 106 13 19 17 7 21 20 9
Wins 56 5 8 8 5 13 12 5
Draws 20 5 5 2 0 3 3 2
Losses 30 3 6 7 2 5 5 2
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.1 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.2 gpg
Goal Differential +61 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +8
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:83112fc835]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:83112fc835]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 7 4 0.57
A. Hamner 3 1 0.33
N. Palin 9 2 0.22
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 9 1 0.11

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
T. Fukushima 0.5 0 0.00
E. Oldenburg 8.5 2 0.24[/code:1:83112fc835]

Bedistan

12-01-2004, 23:08

double post

Commerce Heights

12-01-2004, 23:35

(OOC @ HAS: 4 draws are equivalent to 2 draws and a loss in my formula. You have a higher GD than Kingsford, and the opponent strength is similar, so you're ahead of Kingsford.)
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Commerce Heights Grinds Western pie makers Into Dust
WESTERN PIE MAKERS - Manhattanties filled Western pie makers' home stadium to capacity today, completely destroying any so-called 'home field advantage'. Deppiesse started the scoring in the 13th minute, the first of many goals to be scored. Western pie makers equalized for the only goal they would get past Vojtilo in the entire match, bringing the score to 1-1. After that, the Bulldogs' offense continued thrashing the opposition, until the front 3 were replaced at halftime. Hufschmidt made the score 2-1, Cahalane scored a third goal in the 39th minute, and McCormick and Quigley got two more balls in to put the halftime - and full-time - score in place.
(19) Commerce Heights 5 (Deppiesse 13, Hufschmidt 21, Cahalane 39, McCormick 43, Quigley 45)
(NR) Western Pie Makers 1 - FT
The win allowed Commerce Heights to remain on top of the group while looking for their 4th shutout win against EL CID THE HERO:
[code:1:de00b5f478]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 9 5 4 0 16 4 +12 19
Kingsford (9) 9 5 3 1 11 5 +6 18
Defari (55) 9 5 2 2 17 5 +12 17
Halfassedstates (13) 9 4 5 0 13 3 +10 17
Oilermania (104) 9 2 2 5 8 14 -6 8
Monkwearmouth 9 2 1 6 11 17 -6 7
EL CID THE HERO (100) 9 2 1 6 5 19 -14 7
Western pie makers 9 2 0 7 3 17 -14 6[/code:1:de00b5f478]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford – W 2-1
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania – T 0-0
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth – W 1-0
Day 7: at #55 Defari – T 1-1
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates – T 1-1
Day 9: at Western pie makers – W 5-1
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:de00b5f478] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 68 10 13 17 19 9
Wins 36 3 6 10 12 5
Draws 14 3 4 1 2 4
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.3 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 82.7
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.1 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +33 -3 +5 +6 +13 +12
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:de00b5f478]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:de00b5f478]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 9 5 0.56
B. Quigley 9 4 0.44
C. Deppiesse 9 3 0.33
M. McCormick 9 2 0.22
O. Zaidi 9 1 0.11
H. Hufschmidt 9 1 0.11

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 9 4 0.44[/code:1:de00b5f478]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 9
[code:1:de00b5f478]Chg Rk Team Pts
0 01 The Belmore Family 2.98
0 02 One Red Dot 4.46
0 03 Rejistania 4.48
0 04 Liverpool England 4.49
0 05 Aquilla 4.53
+02 06 NASTIC 2 4.97
+03 07 Kaze Progressa 5.25
+02 08 Ravenspire 5.42
+03 09 Oglethorpia 5.84
+04 10 Runaway Moose 6.10
+06 11 Commerce Heights 6.16
+03 12 Audioslavia 6.38
+07 13 Europa Brittania 6.81
+07 14 Tanah Burung 6.96
-08 15 East Spaam 7.03
-10 16 The Lowland Clans 7.05
-08 17 New Montreal States 7.25
+10 18 Halfassedstates 7.59
+06 19 Giant Zucchini 7.64
+04 Nikea 7.64
+03 21 Snub Nose 38 7.69
-09 22 Squornshelous 7.73
-04 23 Dennisov 7.77
+03 24 Dark Outcasts 7.81
+06 25 Ariddia 7.97
+06 26 Kingsford 7.99
+03 27 Gesamtkuntswerk 8.14
N/A 28 Pavesia 8.16
N/A 29 Antaeus Rising 8.19
N/A Kerla 8.19
-09 31 Bedistan 8.28
N/A 32 Busby 8.53
Other teams:
+06 33 Big Butts 8.61
-18 34 Eauz 8.76
-19 37 Lemmitania 9.07
-16 42 Spaam 9.66
+02 43 Iansisle 9.68
-04 52 Brazillico 12.23
N/A 56 Artemisia Absentia 13.16
-04 57 Vozvyshennost 13.29
-05 61 Cockbill Street 13.90
+01 62 NEWI Cefn Druids 14.69
-04 68 Praying2God 15.75
-01 88 Jeruselem 19.04
-01 96 Mattigool 21.00
'Chg' indicates the change in rank from the previous matchday.
N/A indicates that the rank from the previous matchday was not available.[/code:1:de00b5f478]

12-01-2004, 23:57

WARRIORS OUTBATTLED (AGAIN)

Praying2God was no match for Iansisle today on the road. However, they did manage a late goal to avoid the shutout. Iansisle scored once in the first half on an ugly goal that bounced off of Pope John Paul to an open Iansisle player who promptly burried the shot before Joshua Harris could recover. Then in the early second half, Iansisle converted a penalty shot after Cassie Bernall fouled a player in the box. After Praying2God cut the lead to one on a goal by John Calvin in the 81st minute, off a corner by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, it looked like they might come back to salvage a point, but Iansisle capitalized on another mental lapse by the Praying2God defense and added an insurance goal to win 3-1.

Head Coach Jesus Christ was very dissapointed in his team's defense effort today, and had justifiable reason for concern considering that his team's next to matches are at Cockbill Street and Liverpool England, who both blew out the Warriors 0-3 at home earlier in qualifying. Chances look very slim that Praying2God will be able to qualify for the next round, as they would probably have to win the remainder of their games to have a chance at qualifying.

12-01-2004, 23:58

I again have to apologize for a double post :oops:

NEWI Cefn Druids

13-01-2004, 02:34

NEWI NEWS

YOU CAN’T GET DULLER THAT THE DRUIDS
Trevor Askew reports from Bedistan on Bedistan 0 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

NEWI Cefn Druids are now the best team in the World Cup… well, they would be if draws made a team good.

Unfortunately for the Druids, having more draws than any other nation does not mean you will qualify, especially if you don’t win games. But again, the performances are improving. Another point against a ranked team, this time away from home, suggests that better might well be to come from the Druids.

With nothing in the game even worth commenting on (again), it seems a mystery why anyone would want to se a Druids match, whether it be against Bedistan or Beestings. Coach Trevor Stevens wants his team to be remembered, though. “There’s no chance of us qualifying,” said Stevens, “so this Druids team needs to go into the record books for doing something else. As we’ve already drawn six out of nine games, why not aim for at least three more draws. Make it some kind of record.”

These comments received a mixed reaction from Druids fans. One we interviewed, Trevor Drury, was all for the idea. “Come on,” he told us, “when we started out in this campaign, we didn’t expect to see anything special. In one way we haven’t – the games have been as dull as dishwater. But if we can make the record books for at least something, then I definitely won’t be complaining!”

But others were a little less keen on the idea, like Sandra Eddycs, who growled back at us, “What does Stevens think he is doing? We can’t go out to try for a draw every match – we’ll lose! And anyway, DON’T WE WANT TO SEE OUR NATION EVENTUALLY WIN A MATCH? Not that we're complaining today - we're all off to celebrate this momentous draw!”

The Druids’ next match is against an also improving Athamasha team. Bookmakers in Cefn City have made it odds on that the match ends in a draw, while there are generous odds of 100/30 available for either side to grab a victory.

Final Score:
Bedistan 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 0

Spaam

13-01-2004, 03:09

Much Better: We Lost

The unnatural winning streak that the Spaamanians were experiencing has
finally come to an end, with a 2 nil loss to Ravenspire last night. Spaam is
still 3rd on the table, 4 points ahead of 4th place.

East Spaam Blamed

Spaamanian officials are blaming East Spaam for the Mad Evisceratomatoes
that have been exported from Spaam. The official claim is that as Spaam
imports all its Evisceratomatoes from East Spaam, it can't possibly be
Spaam's fault. East Spaam responded with a raspberry.

13-01-2004, 04:12

Paladins begin collapse

We're a second WC team, just who were we kidding anyways?

With a 3-1 loss to Arrida, the Paladins slipped below both East Spaam and Nikea to 3rd in Group 8 play. The best shot for redemption comes tonight as the Paladins travel to Nikea to face the Pandas in a grudge match. A loss for the Paladins keeps them out of the top two spots, probably for good. A win for the Paladins would give them a bit of a cushion over their rivals the Pandas as they both stand at 19 points apiece.

<Arridan player> opened scoring with a goal only 8:49 into play, and it just got worse from there. The Arridans managed to control the pace of the game, letting the Paladins mount drives only when they though their offense needed a breather. One of these pauses led to a Paladins goal 49:01 into the first half.

The second half began with the Arridans simply overpowering the Paladins. <Arridan player> gained the lead with a goal 20:34 into the second half, and <Arridan player> put the icing on the cake knocking it in with only 4:37 remaining in the game. After that goal the Paladins managed to keep the ball in the Arridan zone for only :41 seconds of play and got no shots. The closing "desperation" shot was by an Arridan reserve midfielder who wanted some bragging rights.

And here is a radically simplified version for our French readers:

MAUDIT JOUEURS! MON ESTIE DE SACRIFICE D'ENFOIRE DE GOALER!

This has been Bob Bobson, back to you Wolfgang Fuunkeeypaantzoorz.

Oglethorpia

13-01-2004, 04:47

The Bureaucratic Tribune

The standings remain the same
Group 2 remains the same, it's top three all on 3-game winning streaks

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Despite the mad evisceratomato outbreak in Oglethorpia, the Wonderteam managed to fill their home stomping grounds of Amalgamated Stadium to the full capacity of 118,000 spectators. The match marked the return of Oglethorpian Wonderteam starting defender Butch Beige, who falsely had articles published concerning his 'contraction of mad evisceratomato,' which turned out to be a large publicity stunt. Ironically enough, Beige walked away from the incident with an image no more tarnished than it had already been -- and a handsome amount of money to boot.

The Oglethorpians, back on their game both offensively and defensively carried the match to the 32nd minute, each side shotless with a great deal of midfield activity. It was here that midfielder Jerome Furukawa would place a fine cross to striker Torrence Black just outside the goalie box. Black's shot was nearly deflected off the left corner post -- luck saw it hit the inner side of the post and go into the back of the net. Oglethorpia was up 1-nil 32 minutes into the match.

And there was much rejoicing.

"It was pretty lucky," said Black after the match. "All the same, it was pretty kick ass."

Beige, having missed a single match during his so called 'bout with mad evisceratomato' earned a second yellow card in World Cup 11 qualifying while tackling Svecian Striker Goonie #3, one of his trademark 'overkill' slide tackles.

So bad was Beige's habit that coach Picciotto exchanged words with the defender, presumably to "stop trying to take out people's ankles."

"He's out to get people," Picciotto said. "I've been saying that since we picked him up last Cup. He better learn soon."

With the match at the 41st minute, Oglethorpia seemed ready to go to the half up 1-nil; but a series of volleys starting with the goalie's cross to midfield saw a Svecian goal in the 43rd minute, past an Oglethorpian defense that seemed unwilling to play the aerial facet of the game.

"Basically," said Picciotto at half time," they just watched Svecia cross it and head it all the way down the field and let Striker Goonie #1 score."

After the half, Svecia would have a tougher time with the Wonderteam defense now clearing the backfield with greater efficiency than in the first half -- but still, Striker Goonie #1 would weave the Oglethorpian defense, at one point putting it through defender Butch Beige's legs. Yamamoto-san, on his own against Striker Goonie #1 allowed the goal through in the 54th. This put the Wonderteam down to Svecia 2-1, but worse yet -- Beige would take after Goonie #1 who was "out to make me look like a fool." Beige silenced the striker with a quick 1-2.

A red for Beige sent him out of the match with a possible ban of more than three games, and Striker Goonie #1 saw himself replaced by Striker Goonie Sub #1, leaving the field with a bloodied face and according to Butch Beige, "crying like a wimp."

After the game had settled back into it's groove after the previous onfield antics, Torrence Black would once again score his second from the far right of the field -- a low cutting volley once again into the corner of the net past Defense Goonies #2 and #3. With this Oglethorpia equalized, the match 2-2 in the 65th minute.

Yamamoto-san saw a couple of close calls on goal -- the first barely deflected over the crossbar in the 66th and one barely snatched up from the feet of Striker Goonie #2, which saw Yamamoto-san coming away with a boot to the face.

Ken'Ichi Yamamoto was replaced by Jack Falls, who was seeing his first World Cup action against Svecia -- and Striker Goonie #2 earned a yellow card for the incident.

Luckily, falls would preform -- with his goal kick, Jorge White would take it down from midfield and into the back of the net putting Oglethorpia up 3-2 over Svecia in the 70th minute.

Yamamoto-san's replacement would see the match to fulltime with no more goals on the part of Svecia, the Wonderteam securing a 3-2 win before their home crowd.

Yamamoto-san's injuries were quickly patched up, and it was reported that he would turn out for matchday 10 intending to play the full 90 minutes.

"He's a tough guy, and it's good to see him try and bounce back and play a full game after takin' that boot in the face," said striker Torrence Black.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 3 (T. Black 32nd, 65th, J. White 70th)
Svecia - 2 (Striker Goonie #1 42nd, 54th)

Rejistania

13-01-2004, 07:51

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues win in the land of Lanky Dudes
The Orange-Blues have won their 8th match in this qualification against and in Lanky Dude. The first match in Sen-La-Sa~o was of big interest of fans, who simply were for the Rejis, because they didn't like the Dudes, but it was no comparism to this match. If someone didn't knew, that it was a match of the Orange-Blues, he could get the idea, that Kaze Proegressa played because of the great number of Progressans, who wanted to see the Dudes lose.

The match started again a bit slowly but not that defensive like the match against Shonar Bangla. the Dudes had a good chance in the 4th minute, but the ball sailed over the goal. The first chance of the Orange-Blues came in the 7th minute when the Lanky goalie could only with much luck prevent the early lead for Imdila'he's team. The first half ended despiet some good chances for both teams 0-0.
The second half started with a shock for the fans: SyLy was replaced by Jen Y. Hexen Imdila explained after the match, that SyLy played with thoothache and couldn't concentrate good enough. SyLy himself was not available for comment because he went to a doctor. This substitution didn't have the terrible impact that the fans feared, it even brought the victory. In the 68th minute, Y'he scored the only goal in this match after a corner shot by Su'he. The Dudes played more offensive and also more unfair, but it didn't change the result: The Orange-Blues won 1-0.

The result:
Lanky Dude: 0
Rejistania: 1 (Y 68th)

In other news, we hear, that Shonar Bangla has scored three goals in one single match. It seems, as if they have learned how scoring works after the match in Rejistania.

Liverpool England

13-01-2004, 08:50

Can LE go All The Way?
Liverpool England 2 (<player owngoal> 88, Hearne pen 90) TLC 0

A late dramatic win came in the National Arena in CCL last night, with the ex-champs firing blacks on all cylinders. The Lowland Clans dominated possession of the ball 86 to 14%, and had far more shots on target. The home side however, and their fans, breathed a sigh of relief as an own goal slipped through with two minutes to play, with goalkeeper Mark Hearne adding to his now five-goal tally with a stoppage time penalty. The team lead Group 10 by three points.

(OOC - TnUI, the ref made a mistake, the keeper didnt handball. it hit his shin.)

Iansisle

13-01-2004, 11:14

(hello everyone. It seems that I have spent more time apologizing for my lack of participation in this world cup than I actually have role playing, and I (ironically enough) would like to apologize for that.

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to apologize again for my recent lack of activity (match days 7, 8, and 9, to be specific.). Thank you to my opponents who took time to beautifully roleplay our matches; I hope I'll have time in the future to contribute more than apologies. For now, however, there are a few other threads that demand slightly more of my time, which has been very limited as I transition between San Diego and Tucson. With luck, things will soon settle down and I'll be able to push the world cup back onto my priority que. Thanks in advance.

~Ian)

Jeruselem

13-01-2004, 12:50

Jeruselem Government News

Weegies sink Crusaders

The Jersuselem Crusaders suffered another 1-0 loss, this time to The Weegies in their 9th match. With 1 win and 8 losses (most 0-1), they are 2nd last and a candidate for "worst team".

A commentator was sympathetic preferring to call the Crusaders the "Judas-ed team". Captain David Becks spoke to the press again "Our next game is against Eauz. We don't expect to win, but we are not here to forfeit games. The results look bad, but losing 1-0 in half your games is not that bad although we'd prefer to win 1-0".

Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Busby 9 4 5 0 14 6 8 17
Eauz 9 5 2 2 13 8 5 17
Lemmitania 9 4 4 1 12 5 7 16
Keyshona 9 4 3 2 8 3 5 15
The Weegies 9 3 5 1 8 6 2 14
Sliponia 9 3 3 3 13 13 0 12
Jeruselem 9 1 0 8 2 13 -11 3
Avenging Altos 9 0 2 7 4 20 -16 2

OOC

Prediction for game. Lose 1-0. :)

13-01-2004, 12:58

Wandering Close Half-term report

Name of Child: Big Butts
Class: 11
[code:1:8639b3fd32]
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 7 7 0 0 15 0 15 21
Audioslavia 7 5 1 1 10 2 8 16
Oddslavo 7 4 2 1 7 3 4 14
Big Butts 7 2 3 2 6 7 -1 9
Artemisia Absentia 7 2 2 3 6 8 -2 8
Ice Reavers 7 2 1 4 6 9 -3 7
Lynnwoode 7 1 1 5 6 14 -8 4
Mattigool 7 0 0 7 4 17 -13 0
[/code:1:8639b3fd32]
Expected grade: C
Performance in class: Average
Effort in class: 6/10

Teachers comments: Big Butts has made a much better start to this year, and that is very pleasing to see. He still seems to have problems with some of the 'older' kids, but is getting on well with some of the new kids that have came along this year, and has been helping them to settle into the WC way.

Headmasters remarks: A much better effort from young Big. It is good to see him mixing it with the others, I expect to see a lot more from him in the future.

Total n Utter Insanity

13-01-2004, 13:30

Audioslavia

13-01-2004, 13:32

Aud 4-1 and 1 for 'Gool
'Soundgardian On Sunday' pun-writer sacked

Audioslavia played host to Mattigool yesterday and triumphed. Audioslavia had an almost unheard of 'good day' against the struggling Mattigool side, scoring two goals either side of a well-taken Kristensen volley.

Mattigool looked like a side with many-a skillful player but with little or no teamwork or co-ordination - something which comes from experience. In their first matches in the 'four nations' tournament they got through on plucky brilliance and pure adrenaline, but so far in the qualifiers theyve been shown up on too many occasions with their lack of structure, losing too many games as a result of poor defending or shoddy managerial decisions.

Unfortunately, it was a shoddy refereeing decision that caused the rot against Audioslavia, as Mattigool started the better side in the opening 20 minutes but fell behind after a dubios penalty (a blatant dive by King) was converted by Jonny Willow. Lever scored the second soon after and Mattigool found themselves staring defeat in the face once again.

Mattigool again started the better side in the second half, creating a couple of chances before Kristensen fired them back into the game with a spectacular volley.

Mattigool pressured, but couldnt find a way past the newly-woke-up Audioslavian defence. As time went on, Audioslavia started controlling the game more, and took advantage of some naive Mattigool defending, setting up plenty of chances, one of which was converted by Jackson, another by King.

Final Score

Audioslavia 4 (Willow 22, Lever 25, Jackson 66, King 72)
Mattigool 1 (Kristensen 50)

[code:1:1302b6db12]
Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 9 8 0 1 19 5 14 24
Audioslavia 9 6 2 1 14 3 11 20
Oddslavo 9 4 4 1 8 4 4 16
Big Butts 9 4 3 2 12 8 4 15
Artemisia Absentia 9 3 2 4 12 13 -1 11
Lynnwoode 9 2 2 5 9 15 -6 8
Ice Reavers 9 2 1 6 8 16 -8 7
Mattigool 9 0 0 9 5 23 -18 0
[/code:1:1302b6db12]

Audioslavia have now pulled away in second after Oddslavo's awful draw with Lynnwoode. Aquilla stay top after thumping Artemsia Absentia 3-1, whilst Big Butts' win over Ice Reavers move them to within a point of Oddslavo.

With 3 newb teams left to play before the showdowns with Aquilla and Big Butts, Audioslavia should be hoping to further pull away from Oddslavo. They should also be hoping that Aquilla gets nuked anytime soon, just because Schadenfreud isnt just a virtue in Audioslavia, it's a religion.

G'nite bitches.

Audioslavia

13-01-2004, 13:34

One Red Dot

13-01-2004, 16:00

OOC: Yes, everything back to normal. All computer stuff salvaged.

The Freedom Papers – Evening Edition
ORD Fairs Well, Shonar Eliminated
By Ken Takajima, Freelance Sports Journalist

The Red Dot Wolves have seen their ups and doens so far, but that has not stopped them from remaining in the Top 2 which gurantees a spot in the eleventh series of the World Cup.

It was deja vu for One Red Dot when they arrived at Peter Panarchy. Despite conceding a goal, they made it up by scoring four goals, leaving the final score at 4-1 and another victory for the charts.

At Royal Burrington Stadium however, a 1-1 draw took place against Morawny, widening the already present gap in the tables between first place Rejistania and One Red Dot.

With only 5 matches left, it seems that only the most sports-active nations in the group have taken the top of the table. Rejistania, One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini. However, a Top 2 position is more favoured as being third means the team would have to go through another two matches to secure a place.

[code:1:5d64b1e5b4]
Group 4
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Rejistania 9 8 0 1 15 5 10 24
One Red Dot 9 6 3 0 15 3 12 21
Giant Zucchini 9 6 1 2 15 5 10 19
Lanky dude 9 5 1 3 16 6 10 16
Morawny 9 3 2 4 7 11 -4 11
Peter Panarchy 9 2 0 7 7 21 -14 6
Lubistan 9 1 1 7 4 22 -18 4
Shonar Bangla 9 1 0 8 5 11 -6 3
[/code:1:5d64b1e5b4]

Shonar Bangla has been officially eliminated but they can still try secure more victories to gain a better record.
Despite being sport-heavy nations, Lubistan, Peter Panarchy and Morawny, it would be almost impossible to earn a Top 3 spot, unless they get more wins.
Lanky dude still stands a chance at the Top 3.
As for Giant Zucchini, One Red Dot and Rejistania, a few more victory streaks will promise a vacancy in the Cup for them to occupy.

Essential World Cup Information
ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:5d64b1e5b4]
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 17 7 9

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 8 4 6
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 4 1 3
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 5 2 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 24 14 15
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 1.67
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 19 11 3
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.33
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +12
Average GD -0.11 +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +1.33

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 79 86 95

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 40 44 50
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 17 18 21
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 22 24 24

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 134 148 163
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.72
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 89 100 103
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.08
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +50 +62
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.65

Average Opp. Rank# 20.50 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 ^
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1 1 ^
Lowest Opp. Rank# 30 26 50 52 68 79 50 ^

Pre-Match Rank - 27 30 22 16 29 29 ^

^Ranks are not disclosed due to the refusal of TnUI of revealing any of the rankings to the public.
#Newbie ranks are excluded.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:5d64b1e5b4]

Match Fixtures (Day 10 ~ 14)
10. Giant Zucchini v One Red Dot @ Giant Zucchini National Stadium
11. One Red Dot v Lubistan @ Gweridijong City Stadium
12. Lanky dude v One Red Dot @ Lanky dude
13. One Red Dot v Shonar Bangla @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium
14. Rejistania v One Red Dot @ Rejistania

All tickets for the matches can still be bought at your local ORDOTIX counters. All prices are subject to locale and availabilty. All matches will be brodcasted live on Channel 7.
Also, soon to come will be the latest game to hit the box at One Red Dot and possibly the NationStates world will be NationStates Survivor (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=109024). There are still spaces to be filled, so sign up now.

NEWI Cefn Druids

13-01-2004, 16:46

(OOC - TnUI, the ref made a mistake, the keeper didnt handball. it hit his shin.)

OOC: If he gave a red card then he wouldn't know it hit his shin. I'm not sure what would happen after that. Can some football nut tell me?

i havent been following this story but generally, referees dont change their decisions. I dont even think theyre allowed to even if they know theyre wrong.

OOC: Well if the referee later admits that they've made a wrong decision after seeing a replay (like they'd do that), then it could be possible for the suspension to be withdrawn, but the sending off still counts as a statistic as the player was actually sent off.

Hope that makes it any clearer. (I'm guesing it won't, though) :?

NEWI Cefn Druids

13-01-2004, 17:39

Recording from Cefn Broadcasting Network (CBN) Radio:

David Rhys-Jones: “Hello, and welcome to Athamasha, where the Druids continue their venture into international football tonight. And, Trevor Teddington, hasn’t it been a bit of a let down so far?”

Trevor Teddington: “Well, hello listeners, er, yes David, it has been a let down, but that’s only because the team seem to be taking it a lot more seriously that we would have thought at the beginning.”

DRJ: “You mean you thought they’d only entered as a joke, Trevor?”

TT: “Well, actually… oh look, here come the teams!”

DRJ: “Yes out they come, the Druids in their black and white away kit today…”

TT: “They look like a team of zebras, David”

DRJ: “Er… yeah… if you like… well anyway, coach Trevor Steven has opted to try and attack more by switching back to the four-four-two formation they use against all of the unranked teams in group six.”

TT: “Hopefully it won’t be as boring as the last three matches.”

DRJ: “Well, there was only four shots on target altogether in those three games.”

TT: “Watching this makes you wish that we could get thrashed every week, like against Tanah Burung.”

DRJ: “Ah, come on Trevor, at least the Druids have been a bit more successful since then.”

TT: “But they still haven’t won.”

DRJ: “And they won’t win if they lose 4-0 every match.”

TT ponders for a moment. “Oh. OK.”

DRJ: “Well here’s to hoping that Athamasha won beat the Druids 4-0 today.”

The match gets under way…

We join them again at full time.

DRJ: “Well, the final score here is Athamasha 4 NEWI Cefn Druids 0.”

TT: “And do you not think it was a better match than normal, David?”

DRJ: “I have to say, no. It was as abysmal as ever. The Druids can’t score, it seems now they can’t defend either. What are the fans supposed to think?”

TT: “That we saw some attacking football for a change?”

DRJ: “Are you from NEWI Cefn Druids or not?”

TT: “Yes, but I’m just…”

DRJ: “Just what, Trevor? The fans are dejected at home after another thumping. Just what?”

TT: “OK, I’m sorry, Dave.”

DRJ: “So you should be. And don’t call me Dave – it’s David, alright?”

TT: “OK. David”

DRJ: “This is a downtrodden David Rhys-Jones on a miserable day for the Druids, as they were absolutely Athamashed in Athamasha… and if that wasn’t enough, my wife’s left me…. and my thirteen year-old daughter’s run away to join a cult… and someone’s stolen my plane ticket home…”

Director in studio in Cefn City: “We’d better leave it there David.”

TT: “There there, Dave.” *puts consoling arm around DRJ*.

At this point the broadcast is lost, and the NEWI Cefn Druids Minister of Lost Things sets of in search of it.

Halfassedstates

13-01-2004, 18:28

Sowhatsville News back page

Captain leads by example.

After the tremendous win over El Cid in the Halfassed side travelled to the land of the Western Pie Makers hungry (ed. sorry!) for another win.
Despite struggling in the WC so far, the pie men put up a stubborn resistance. At half-time the score of 0-0 looked like the home side were going to get their just desserts for a top notch defensive performance.
The second half however, belonged completely to the visitors and the home defense showed as much stablity as a poorly set jelly. Despite this, the Halfassed strikers were having an off day.
Eventually it was captain Joe Soap who put the skids under the Pie men. A cleverly floated free-kick from Lecter was half cleared, but Riddle returned the ball into the box, and there was Soap to head home.
The deciding goal came five minutes later, and once again it was Soap who scored it. This time it was a Lecter corner that was flicked on by Ducks. In the ensueing scramble, the ball was eventually hit home by Soap.
When asked afterwards what scoring his first goal for his country felt like, Soap simply responded, "warm apple pie!" (ed - sorry again!)
Final Score
WPM 0 - HAS 2 (Soap 68,73)

With Kingsford defeating Defari, Halfassed have moved up to 3rd in the group. There is still no telling who will grab the qualification berths though as the top four all play 2 of the other 3 in the run in;
[code:1:278547457a]
CH - @Kings, Oil, @Monk, Def
Kings - CH, @HAS, West, @EL CID
HAS - Oil, Kings, @Def, Monk
Def - EL CID, @West, HAS, @CH[/code:1:278547457a]
so its still all to play for.

Brazillico

13-01-2004, 18:33

*It’s a scene of celebration in the Brazillican locker room. A 4-0 thrashing over Belarussian States has left the team’s spirits high. Players can be seen smiling, joking around and patting each other on the back, a sight devoid from this locker room for quite some time. In the corner, new manager Horatio Cosmo is playing with the football and a scalpel. The captain, Sorin, takes the floor.*

Sorin: Cheers to a great game, mates!

*The locker room lets out a healthy cheer*

Sorin: We knew all along we could score goals, and we proved it tonight. Now we’re on the right track and we gotta take it one game at a time. Next, we got Spaam. They’re where we want to be right now, in third. But if we win, if we win, we’ll be equal in points with them.

Junior Socrates: But down in goal difference?

Sorin: Yes, down in goal difference, but as I said, let’s just take it one game at a time. If we beat Spaam, we’ll be closer to getting into the World Cup than right now.

*The room breaks out with a simultaneous round of yeahs*

Aguiar: Hey coach, what you doing over there?

Cosmo: Oh… I’m just trying to cut this ball apart.

*Room laughs*

Kilkenny: Why’s that?

Cosmo: Well, you guys all played so well and I just couldn’t decide who to give the game ball to, so I decided to cut it up and give everyone a piece.

Kilkenny: Good man.

Pepe: Class act.

*Cosmo gets up and starts distributing the torn pieces of ball to the members of the team*

Cosmo: This game against Belarussian States was kinda like high school, and when you got to go out with the class skank. She was easy to score on, but everybody also scored with her.

*Room breaks out in hysterical laughter realizing the depth and accuracy of the metaphor, including Cosmo. Once he collects himself, he continues his speech.*

Cosmo: It’s great to beat up on a team 4-0, but we can’t expect to do that against a quality team like Spaam. We’re gonna have to work hard on my 5-3-2 cycling system between now and Spaam to be at our best for the game.

Trevors: Pardon me for asking, but what exactly is a cycling system.

Cosmo: That’s a good question. *Picks up a piece of chalk* Say a defender comes up with the ball into the offensive zone *Draws an X, moving forward*, someone else moves back to help cover on defense *Draws another X, moving backward*. That way, we basically have five players on offence and five players ready to bounce on defense, so we’re basically eliminating the midfield position.

Trevors: Sort of like Cruyff’s “total football”.

Cosmo: Correct, except more total.

Sorin: So we only have five defenders?

Cosmo: No, everyone helps out on defence, we just throw everything except the kitchen sink at them when we’re in their end.

Sorin: But that will tire us out in less than a half!

Cosmo: Well, let’s be sure to hit the gym tomorrow then.

Sorin: I’m really not too sure about this system.

Cosmo: Look, today I let you guys play pretty much the way you wanted to and you all showed a lot of creativity on the offensive side of the ball. If you’re willing to put the hours in at the track and the gym, I’ll let you guys have that much fun on the pitch every time we’re out there. Tomorrow, we’ll have practise at 8am, it’s not mandatory, but if you want to get your conditioning to the level where it needs to be to play this system and to be able to beat the best teams in the world, I highly recommend you come. Good game boys, I hope to see you tomorrow.

Total n Utter Insanity

13-01-2004, 19:06

MD10 (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2578891&highlight=#2578891)

Mattigool

13-01-2004, 19:09

Mattigool Sports

Well done, Gools!

(Goolsund) Although last night's defeat of the Gools at Oddslava was expected the team battled bravely. Gamsten showed his brilliance again, Klokset organised the defense pretty well, and Laursen, Kristensen and Sokol had some real good chances, not to mention Gamsten's dangerous free kicks. But at the end experience was the winner. Oddslavo's attack used three mistakes of Mattigoolian defenders to win their 5th game, and therefore still has any chances to reach WC XI.
On the whole the Gools showed some progress and we hope, that they'll keep this form until the end of qualifying round. Then they'll have to meet the teams from Meistertrainerforum at MRC (Meistertrainerforum Regional Championship). In Goola Goolason's oppinion the last 4 matches will be just preparation for MCR. He will remain Assistance Coach, when Alex Dunner start coaching the team.
We'll keep you informed.

The Belmore Family

13-01-2004, 19:53

We lost?

The Belmore Family were shocked last night after unexpectedly loosing to allies God Squad. This does not worry the team however as they only need 1 win to get into the top 3. It was Gerorge Orwell who got the goal for God Squad in their first win against the Belmorians. After the match Alan Belmore said

"Yes it was my first defeat incharge of the team but played well and I think we should be able to get the vital 3 points in a couple of months time."

The next match is sheduled for the 26th of October when the Blues will be playing Vozvyshennost at Vozvyshennost

Eauz

13-01-2004, 20:02

Prediction for game. Lose 1-0.

Contrary to Jeruselem's predictions, Les Bleus totally destroyed the Jeruselem team with a 5-2 victory. This match was over in the early stages of the match as Les bleus scored 4 goals in the first 30 minutes of the match. Though, the Coach was very upset that his defence has been letting him down the last few games. "Our Defence just isn't working tonight, we kind of slacked off when we were scoring goals here and there, and though, no way Jersuselem could come back. They did, though forutunatly we only gave up 2 goals." Les Bleus take the matches against Jeruselem 2 Wins to 0. The Win also takes away any chance of Jeruselem for qualifying to the next round. The next game will be against Lemmitania at Lemmitania, where Les Bleus will have to show their best to keep in contention. The Coach declaired that this next game MUST be a win, otherwise, this whole season is a failure, even if we win it all. This is the turning point that decides between a good team and a qualifying team.

[code:1:0c506c52a3]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 10 6 2 2 18 10 8 20
Lemmitania 10 5 4 1 15 5 10 19
Busby 10 4 6 0 15 7 8 18
Keyshona 10 4 3 3 8 4 4 15
The Weegies 10 3 6 1 9 7 2 15
Sliponia 10 3 3 4 13 16 -3 12
Avenging Altos 10 1 2 7 5 20 -15 5 ELIM
Jeruselem 10 1 0 9 4 18 -14 3 ELIM
[/code:1:0c506c52a3]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem W 5 - 2
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Rejistania

13-01-2004, 20:19

From the Na~ovi National:

Goalfest in Lubistan
The Orange-Blues played yesterday against Lubistan from the region 'Meistertrainerforum'. This region is not known for their success in soccer, but they are known for trying their best to succeed. The Orange-Blues never saw themselfes as favorites in this match because as Imdila'he once said: "As long as we haven't qualified, we are also minnows."

But this match was not a 'match of the minnows' in which too bad teams decide, which of them is a bit better, this match was a clear trashing of Lubistan. The Rejistanians played (as normally) not in their exact starting formation: Mata Koleni replaced Xeseja Su, who currently has far too much work in the Rejis revenue office (he is not a professional player) and is also needed by his club Karela lines, who is currently on a relegation spot.
The Rejistanians were clearly the better team. The Lubistanians played somehow unorganised and without a clear tactic. No one was surprised as the Orange-Blues took the lead in the 7th minute in a counter. Linkosa'he shot the first goal. 15 minutes later, the lubistanian goalie Lahmer'he again had to get the ball out of the net. This time, a wide-distance-shot by Koleni'he came too unexpected for him. The Rejistanians were leading 2-0. He repeated this in the 41st minute. At half-time, the score was a well earned 3-0.

In the second half, Lubistan changed to a Shonar Bangla style of match. The Orange-Blues are still unable to play against a 'System Karela' or simply wanted to keep their lead. The second half started defensive and boring. This changed suddently, when the Lubistanian striker Anda'he used an error of the Orange-Blue defense to archieve the consolation goal. Now the Orange-Blues got back into the match and three minutes before the end of the match, SyLy also put his name on the scorers list.

The result:
Lubistan: 1 (Anda 76th)
Rejistania: 4 (Linkosa 7th, Koleni 21st, 41st, Lyku 87th)

One Red Dot

13-01-2004, 21:05

ORDMERUI, after a long break, have returned to provide some statistics:

The following have not suffered a Lost yet:
Group 1 - Busby
Group 4 - One Red Dot
Group 7 - Runaway Moose
Group 8 - Ariddia
Group 9 - Commerce Heights, Halfassedstates
Group 10 - Liverpool England

The following have the lowest Goals Against:
2 - Ravenspire, Squornshelous, The Belmore Family

The following have the most Goals For:
21 - Dark Outcasts, Aquilla

The following have the most Wins:
9 - Rejistania, Aquilla

The following has the highest Goal Difference:
+17 - Ravenspire

14-01-2004, 00:40

WARRIORS OUTDUELED ON COCKBILL STREET

The Praying2God Warriors were beaten up by Cockbill Street yesterday in the nation of Cockbill Street. The Warriors jumped out to an early 1-0 lead when Dietrich Bonhoeffer managed to head the ball into the net in the 4th minute on a cross by captain Martin Luther. However, C. S. Lewis' return to the net proved disastorous for the Warriors, as Cockbill Street answered the Warriors goal with three first half goals of their own. Consequently, Praying2God Head Coach Jesus Christ made the move (again) to Joshua Harris, who didn't start because he had pulled a muscle in warm-ups. Harris was an improvement as he only allowed one goal in the second half, despite the injury. Harris is supposed to be full strength in time for the Warriors next game at Liverpool England (ouch). Head Coach Jesus Christ was overheard telling his team after the game that he liked the fact that they were scoring, but they needed to keep the ball out of the net as well. Praying2God has all but officially been eliminated from the World Cup now, so they're left to play the role of spoiler.

Snub Nose 38

14-01-2004, 02:43

*we find ourselves in the managers office (tucked away in the snub nose 38 national stadium “38 special), where the manager (ben dover) is bent over his desk, rummaging through the bottom drawer. he does not look happy. the assistant manager, offensive coach, eileen dover (bens wife) is napping on the couch just over there by the big window. a half-empty wine bottle and an equally half empty wine glass (hmmm…perhaps they are – dare we say it? – half full) sit on the table beside eileen. a matching wine glass, completely empty (totally un-full?) sits on bens’ desk. ben slams the drawer shut (waking eileen), and begins rummaging through the bottom drawer on the other side of his desk.*

- What…? Ben, what are you looking for? And, can’t you do it a little more quietly?
- Hm? Oh – sorry.

*ben continues to rummage - quitely*

- Well…
- Well? Well what?
- Exactly. What are you rummaging about for?
- For another few minutes, I think.
- Humor is not your forte, dear. What is it you’re looking for?
- I’m looking for the record book of the first year the Hooligans played international football.
- Because?
- Because I want to show it to our current bozos – er – Hooligans. This is the worst side…
- That’s not true. After today’s 1 – 0 win over Belmorian Scandinavia, they’re back in second place, and only out of first by goal differential.
- I’m not talking about their bloody win – loss record. I’m talking about their bloody inconsistency! I mean, they’re ranked 3rd, and they beat Dennisov, ranked 15th in the world, 2 to 1. Then they face a totally unranked side, Ravea, a side with no wins, no draws, and 8 losses – and draw. The closest thing they have to consistency is – they’re winning the hard matches, and losing or drawing what should be the easy ones.
- Oh, come on now. Margaret had been using the tainted chicken – remember, evisceratomato spongiform encephalitis?
- Oh, sure – side with them!
- Ben, be reasonable. I’m not siding with them. I’m just...
- Just coming up with some handy excuses for the absolutely pathetic performance these Hooligans are putting on.
- I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.

*eileen closes her eyes in an attempt to finish her nap. ben continues to rummage – loudly, again, i’m afraid. we agree with eileen – he’s impossible when he’s like this – and decide we should be somewhere else. so, we go there.*
--------------------------------------------------------
*margaret has been reading today’s scuttlebutt. slowly, she closes the paper, as a very odd look comes over her face. after a moment, she puts the paper down on the window sill, get’s up, and slowly walks out of the offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister, sitting at his desk and sipping a cold “38 special”, looks up as margaret walks past. as he watches her walk towards the door, he reaches over to sit his beer on the desk. eyes on margaret, he – you saw this coming, didn’t you? – misses the desk, and spills his beer.*

- Where are you going, Margaret?
- I’m off to the park.
- The park? But, isn’t it just about time for…
- Yes, but I’ve decided they’re on their own today.
- YOU WHAT!!
- Look at the back page there, bone-head.
- Okay, I’m looking. What am I looking at?
- See where it says “Mattigool, No wins, No draws, 10 losses?
- Yeah – so?
- Nobody, and I mean nobody should go through this whole qualifying campaign without at least one win…or at least a draw.
- Wassat got to do with you?
- I’m gonna help ‘em.
- You are no such thing!
- I are such thing!
- Margaret…
- Look, bud, I’ve made up my mind. I’m on my way to the park. On the way, I’m gonna pick up a fresh chicken. Then, at dusk, I’m starting a sacrificial supplication of the random number gods on Mattigool’s behalf.
- I…you…but…
- Finish that thought when I get back, willya?

*margaret quietly closes the door behind her as she leaves to cut off the minister’s sputtering. we decide to stick around awhile to see just how long the sputtering continues. taking out our stop-watch, we begin timing him.*

14-01-2004, 03:21

Paladins continue fall from grace

Draw with Nikea drops them to fourth place, but does anyone else in Group 8 even care?

A hard fought draw with the Nikea Pandas has drug down the Paladins to fourth place on goal differential. The Paladins could be called "screwed" as Nikea now has a lead over them, as well as Arrida and East Spaam. The East Spaamers put 3 points between them and the pack by winning last night.

The only good news for the Paladins is that the only top-notch teams they have left to face are East Spaam and Tony Mag. Arrida, Nikea and East Spaam all have to fight each other, and a surprising Tony Mag team could play spoiler to anyone, especially the Paladins.

The Paladins started off fast last night, knocking in a goal early on. The Pandas regained their stride, however, and returned the favor in kind at the end of the first half, sending the teams back to their lockers with the game at 1-all.

The Pandas opened the second half with a massive offensive, eventually causing a breakdown in the Paladin's defense. Nikea scored off a corner and the game was 2-1 Pandas.

With about 10 minutes left in the game the Paladins began a desperation rally. With their season on the line the offense regained life and managed to put the ball in with 6:20 left to play. What followed is already being called "the best 3 minutes of soccer this Cup" as both Paladins and Pandas dropped any pretense of defense to launch wild, breathtaking attacks that were foiled at the last second. The Pandas in particular missed a pair of golden opportunities in the final minute. But the clock wound down and the game ended at 2-2.

The Paladins could therefore claim to be avenged against Nikea, with a sturdy 1 win and 1 draw against an opponent that claimed they could squish the Paladins as well as the rest of the group. But with the Paladins in 4th place and Nikea in a tie for 2nd it could well be the Pandas who get the last laugh and the Paladins who are forced to play the recent incarnation of the Cup of Harmony and then twiddle their thumbs in anticipation of WC12.

And, doesn't anyone in Group 8 CARE about how their team is doing?

Spaam

14-01-2004, 03:32

Nala Eromleb Saves Spaam Away

Enigmatic striker Nala Eromleb has saved Spaam from yet another loss, by
scoring a goal in injury time in the away game against Kaze Progressa last
night. Kaze scored only one goal in the 34th minute from Florence
Laughlin, and concentrated on defense for the rest of the game,
completely shutting out the Spaamanians. However, a penalty shot in the
92nd minute from Ana Milik let Nala head the ball past the Kaze
goalkeeper Marianne Oaks, and tie the game up. The draw means Spaam
stays in 3rd place, 6 points between joint leaders Ravenspire and Kaze
Progressa, and 3 points ahead of Brazillico, whom they meet at home next
round.

East Spaam Continue Dominance

East Spaam is continuing their dominance of their group, with a 2-1 win
over Tony Mag. The East Spaamanians are outright first in their group, 3
points ahead of the New Montreal States, Nikea, and Ariddia, who are all
tied for second.

United Spaam Trade Crisis

Officials from both nations have stopped trade between the two nations as
the Mad Evisceratomato crisis escalates. Spaam have been blaming East
Spaam for their defective exports, which have cause great unrest between
the two halves of United Spaam. East Spaamanian officials say that the
Spaamanians are just jealous that they have a better football team.

Bedistan

14-01-2004, 03:42

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Another Draw Keeps Group Close
Lions still can't beat another ranked team

MIDWAY, Nesh. -- Today at James Parker National Stadium, Gene Barber's Bedistan Lions confirmed what everyone has been speculating since the beginning of World Cup 11 qualifying.

The current team is unable to defeat any other team that has gone for the Cup before.

Admittedly, today's 1-1 draw with Squornshelous was better than the first match between the two, which ended 1-0 in favor of Squornshelous. But the team is still most decidedly underperforming.

[code:1:b40d8abc79](06) Bedistan 1 (Morlock 22)
(23) Squornshelous 1 (<player> 59)[/code:1:b40d8abc79]

A quick rundown of the matches so far helps to explain:

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha – W 1-0
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids – D 0-0
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous – D 0-0
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung
Day 12: at Dual supporters
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

[code:1:b40d8abc79] W D L GF GA GD Pts
Against Ranked Teams 0 2 2 1 3 -2 2
Against Unranked Teams 5 1 0 10 0 +10 16
------------------------------------------------
Total 5 3 2 11 3 +8 18[/code:1:b40d8abc79]

Nobody knows exactly what is causing this phenomenon, but all fingers are currently pointing at manager Gene Barber, who seems more likely to get the sack with each passing day.

BediStat has made the following predictions on the outcomes of the four remaining qualifying matches:

MD11: Bedistan 6-1 / draw 2-1 / Tanah Burung 1-1
MD12: Dual supporters 10-1 / draw 4-1 / Bedistan 1-3
MD13: Bedistan 1-3 / draw 4-1 / Creedence Clearwater 10-1
MD14: Gesamtkuntswerk 5-3 / draw 2-1 / Bedistan 7-3

BediStat predicts a final team record of 7-4-3, with 25 points, which is not likely to be sufficient for qualifying in Group 6, even though it would likely produce first place in several other groups. Final team position is expected to be 4th in the group.

Current standings:
[code:1:b40d8abc79]Group 6
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Gesamtkuntswerk 10 6 3 1 14 4 +10 21
Tanah Burung 10 6 2 2 15 3 +12 20
Squornshelous 10 5 4 1 8 2 +6 19
Bedistan 10 5 3 2 11 3 +8 18
Athamasha 10 3 2 5 11 12 -1 11
Dual supporters 10 1 5 4 6 14 -8 8
NEWI Cefn Druids 10 0 6 4 4 17 -13 6
Creedence Clearwater 10 0 3 7 6 20 -14 3[/code:1:b40d8abc79]

Team Statistics
[code:1:b40d8abc79] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 107 13 19 17 7 21 20 10
Wins 56 5 8 8 5 13 12 5
Draws 21 5 5 2 0 3 3 3
Losses 30 3 6 7 2 5 5 2
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.1 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +61 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +8
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:b40d8abc79]
Individual Statistics
[code:1:b40d8abc79]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 8 5 0.63
A. Hamner 3 1 0.33
N. Palin 10 2 0.20
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 10 1 0.10

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
T. Fukushima 0.5 0 0.00
E. Oldenburg 9.5 3 0.32[/code:1:b40d8abc79]

imported_Nikea

14-01-2004, 04:04

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Comments Make Manager Seem Like Ass
Inability to Beat NMS at Home Leaves Jaski Looking Dumb
by Markenin Markenel

INTERIU(NP) - Before the World Cup XI qualifiers began, New Montreal States were outraged by some comments made by Nikean manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel. Tenerethitel then went on to guarantee that the Pandas would earn at least a draw in the away fixture, and win on home field. Now that the Pandas have done neither, the superstitious of Nikea are looking at one of the country's most famous footballing legends as some sort of voodoo curse.

After losing 1-0 to New Montreal States on matchday 3, the Pandas, and Jaski in particular, wanted desperately to beat their new rivals at Interirien Field. The Pandas had gotten off to a slow start in qualifying, but had been on a tear recently, and a victory could put them in the group lead on goal differential.

Things started off well for the home side. Only 14 minutes in, Turinnen Mortethel's shot rebounded straight to Jerinen Istertel, who put it in the back of the wide open net. Just before the half, the Pandas struck again, this time Aserin Nistriel pounding in a shot behind the Paladin keeper. Everyone looked confident that the Pandas would fulfill Jaski's guarantee.

However, the Pandas back three, and keeper Kalessin Quertel, began to fall apart in the second half. An early Paladins goal off a miscue between Quertel and Ekserin Pilseniuene seemed the shatter the confidence of the Pandas. Mere minutes later, the Paladins struck again, drawing level. The remainder of the match had the Nikeans desperately holding on for the 2-2 draw, staying in 2nd place in the group on goal differential.

After a match in Belmorian Foxworthia, the Nikeans travel to East Spaam for what could be the showdown for top spot in the group. Tenerethitel has been very silent following the last match, and could not be reached for comment.

[code:1:0e7fd3ef25]
Nikea 2 (Istertel 14, Nistriel 41)
v.
New Montreal States 2 (<player> 53, <player> 59)
[/code:1:0e7fd3ef25]

Squornshelous

14-01-2004, 04:30

Damn, I turn my back for two days and my team plays like crap. 2 draws and loss! :evil:

Snub Nose 38

14-01-2004, 04:32

The Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery of the Frost- Free Bordersland of Snub Nose 38, Jack Cass, today announced the Ministry would be conducting an in-depth investigation and review of the recent World Cup 11 Qualifying Match between Nikea and New Montreal States. From all accounts, the accounts of the match as reported in Nikean news media are disparate from the match as recounted by the news media of New Montreal States.

"We're wondering if it was, in fact, the same match," the Minister said, "While there are some similarities, such the the final score, there are other things, such as the time goals were scored, that just don't jive."

The Ministry indicated it would be more than happy to cooperate with the World Cup Committee's request to be kept informed of the results of the investigation.

This article would have been longer, had this reporter had the opportunity to ask the Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery a question or two about the incident. However, once his announcement was complete, the Minister was...well, he was just sort of...not there. It seems he has a rather bad habit of being suddenly...not there.

---------------------------------

ooc: sn38 and ww had a similar "oops" in a previous cup (wc9?). we gotta read before we write. :wink:

14-01-2004, 04:37

Sliponia Break 2 Match "No Loss Streak"
Another Loss

By Richard Hunts

SLIPONIA -- Sliponia's national team is again have chalked up another loss. This time, a 3-nil defeat from Lemmitania was in the cards. The only good thing anyone seems to have to say about this team is that they have a goal difference of "only" -3 as opposed to the two teams below them in the group with differences of -15 and -14. When asked why the team is again looking poor, Coach Bob Gansler had the following to say:

"The World Cup is a very hard thing to become a powerhouse in, and it may take us several tries before we see any real progress. However, with that said, the fans need to have some patience with us. This is the 11th World Cup, and we haven't been around for half of that. All I'm asking is that the fans give us some time."

One day Sliponia, one day we shall hopefully see a decent soccer/football team!

Lemmitania

14-01-2004, 07:10

Live from Lemmadelphia, this is Clem Gilson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, bringing you live coverage of the qualifying matches for World Cup Eleven. Tonight, your Lemmitania Lemmings host forty-sixth-ranked Keyshona in a critical matchup. The Lemmings come into this game in second place in the extremely close Qualifying Group One, undefeated but with a record of four wins and four draws. This is a game that the Lemmings should be able to win, and they really a need a victory in order to begin separating themselves from the pack. But in this tournament-- being called by some the “Cup of Parity”-- the defending champions will get no easy victories. It’s fifteen minutes to kickoff, and joining me in the booth are your commentators for tonight’s game, Lana Maelstrom, Lemmy “Atom” Meisterbrau, and the horrifying Octavarion Maleficus, who is a three-meter-high maneating spider. Lana, Lemmy, welcome to the broadcast.

Lana: Thanks, Clem, always a pleasure.

Lemmy: Yo, man, you didn’t welcome Maleficus to the broadcast.

Clem: And I’m not going to, because as far as I’m concerned, he’s as unwelcome as you can get.

Lemmy: Man, that’s spidercrimination, man.

Clem: Spidercrimination being the act of incriminating a spider?

Lemmy: Uh, yeah.

Lana: That’d be the act of discriminatin’ agains’ a spider, Clem-- as you well know.

Clem: Why don’t you welcome Maleficus to the booth, Lemmy? Since you’re the only one who wants him here.

Lemmy: No way, man! Lana wants him here, too!

Lana: No I don’t, Lemmy. Not really.

Lemmy: Sure you do!

Maleficus: Thank you for defending me unnecessarily, puny edible Lemmy.

Lemmy: Uh... sure thing, man. Say, could you quit sayin’ ‘edible’ every time you say my name?

Maleficus: Could you stop calling me ‘man?’

Clem: No.

Lana: Ain’t gonna ‘appen, Maleficus.

Lemmy: Sure, man, no problem.

Maleficus: Thank you, edible Lemmy.

Lemmy: You did it again, man.

Maleficus: So did you.

Lemmy: No I didn’t.

Maleficus: Yes, you did. Twice, in fact.

Lemmy: No way! Lana, tell him.

Lana: You did. Twice, as ‘e says.

Lemmy: No way! I’d remember doin’... uh, that.

Lana: You don’t even remember wot you’re denyin’, do you?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Lana: Wot is it then?

Lemmy: Uh... what’s what, again?

Maleficus: I wonder, if I devoured Lemmy, would I become inebriated?

Clem: In a sick, twisted sort of way, I like your sense of humor, Maleficus.

Maleficus: I was not making a joke. I want to be prepared.

Clem: Okay, somebody get this spider out of here! I’m not working with him anymore.

Lana: ‘e’s jus’ jokin’. Ain’t you, Maleficus?

Lemmy: Ooo! I remember! You were mad at me for calling you ‘man!’

Lana: Very good. Excep’ why are you lookin’ at me when you say that?

Lemmy: ‘Cause you’re the one I’m talking to?

Lana: Mebbe you oughta be talkin’ to Maleficus.

Lammy: Maleficus? How come?

Lana: Because he’s the one who was gettin’ mad thet you kep’ callin’ ‘im ‘man!’

Maleficus: I was not getting mad so much as annoyed.

Lemmy: Ohhh, Maleficus was the one getting mad. I’m sorry, Maleficus, man. It won’t happen again.

Maleficus: How can you say that!

Lemmy: What?

Maleficus: You called me ‘man’ in the midst of apologizing for calling me ‘man!’

Lemmy: No way, man.

Clem: I don’t think he hears it when he says the word ‘man.’ It’s like a verbal tic.

Lana: If ‘e wos a criminal on “Law an’ Lemorder,” thet’s ‘ow they’d catch ‘im.

Clem: Indubitably.

Maleficus: My favorite part is the third portion, after the police procedural and the trial, in which Giant Evil Spiders devour the guilty.

Lana: Um.

Clem: Urk.

Lana: I don’t believe that’s part of the program, Maleficus.

Maleficus: Not in the Lemmitanian version.

Lana: They ‘ave “Law an’ Lemorder” in Dire Arachnia?

Maleficus: The original upon which “Law and Lemorder” is based is a Dire Arachnid program called “Law, Order, and Giant Evil Justice.”

Clem: Somehow I’m dubious.

Maleficus: I’ll bring you a tape.

Clem: Don’t bother.

Maleficus: It’s no bother.

Clem: I’d really rather that you didn’t.

Maleficus: It’s really no trouble at all.

Clem: I actually want to avoid ever watching any TV programs that feature Giant Evil Spiders.

Maleficus: You’ll enjoy this one. It’s very good.

Clem: Look, if necessary, I can take back what I said about being dubious. Okay?

Maleficus: The great thing about “Law, Order, and Giant Evil Justice” is the gritty realism.

Clem: I don’t want to know.

Maleficus: At the end, when the puny human criminals are devoured, they’re really devoured. You’ll never see that on Lemmitanian TV.

Lana: Blame the censors.

Clem: Don’t kid him.

Lana: Sorry.

Maleficus: I blame the terror we inspire in you puny humans.

Clem: Well, our terror of being eaten by you does tend to make us want to prevent you eating us.

Maleficus: It is discrimination.

Lana: Spidercrimination.

Maleficus: Spidercrimination is when Giant Evil Spiders discriminate against puny regular spiders.

Clem: Does that happen?

Maleficus: Unfortunately, it does.

Clem: But you favor puny regular spider rights, do you?

Maleficus: All enlightened Giant Evil Spiders do.

Clem: Ah. So you’re enlightened, then, eh?

Maleficus: Were I not, this partition would have tested my strength many times by now.

Clem: Oh.

Lemmy: Look, man, there’s a bunch of bugs down there with football uniforms on ‘em!

Lana: No way.

Lemmy: Way! And there’s one dressed as an official! Oh man, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! Hee hee!

Lana: Imagine if they did the Lemming Dance!

Lemmy: Awwww... that’d be awesome, Lana, man!

Lana: Don’t call me ‘man,’ please, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Sorry, man.

Lana: See, Maleficus? Verbal tic.

Maleficus: Edible Lemmy is, as you say, brain-damaged.

Clem: And on that note, here’s the toss. The captains at midfield are Trixitica Lemsmith for Lemmitania and Keywanna Charles for Keyshona. Charles calls it heads, and it comes up tails; the Lemmings will begin with possession. We’ll be back for the opening kickoff after these important messages.

Lemmitania

14-01-2004, 07:13

Clem: Welcome back to the ninth match of World Cup Eleven qualifying on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. The Lemmings host the Keyshona Keyholes tonight, and we’re about set to kick it off. For the Lemmings, Trixitica Lemsmith will take the ball at midfield; she passes to Willette Lemjones, and we’re under way.

Lana: The rest of the starting eleven for the Lemmings are Darla Lydon, Wallace Lemmye, Clarissa Kiklem, and ‘orace ‘enneman in midfield, and Prudence Lemminuning, Georgia Lemwaller, Mick Jagermeisterbrau an’ Adam LaMadam on defense, with the talented Mel Melsterson in goal. For Keyshona, it’s Keifer Keypopples, KiKi LaKey, an’ “Coo Coo” Keenan Cooper at striker; LaShona Keen, Keywanna Charles, Karl “the Keister” Killiper, an’ Sharona Key in midfield; Keysten Shushu, Shonapopper Keywilliger, an’ MaShona Keyes at defense, an’ the goalkeeper, the fantastic Umberta Popshoona, ‘oo managed six or seven straight shutouts before allowin’ a goal in qualifyin’. Wow.

Maleficus: A fine record considering her handicap.

Clem: I dread to ask, but what handicap would that be?

Maleficus: Having only four legs.

Clem: Oh, I see. We usually consider the top appendages more ‘arms’ than ‘legs,’ by the way.

Maleficus: What is the difference?

Clem: Legs are used for walking. Arms are used for picking things up and manipulating things.

Maleficus: Spiders are superior. Our appendages are all interchangable.

Clem: But you don’t have fingers.

Maleficus: We don’t need fingers.

Clem: How do you type without fingers?

Maleficus: Giant Evil keyboards are designed for our appendages. We type very quickly, thank you.

Clem: How many words per minute?

Maleficus: Do you mean me, or a typical Giant Evil typist?

Clem: Just because I’m curious now, you.

Maleficus: I type one hundred seventy-five words per minute.

Clem: The hell you say.

Maleficus: You don’t believe it?

Clem: Not even for the length of time it’d take you to type a single word.

Maleficus: Your title should be “Dubious Clem.”

Lana: Some call ‘im “Doobie-ous Clem.”

Maleficus: That is what I said, edible Lana.

Lana: No, I wos makin’ a pun on doobie.

Maleficus: ‘Doobie’ as in the Doobie Brothers, or as in Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo?

Clem: You know the Doobie Brothers?

Maleficus: They are quite popular in Dire Arachnia.

Clem: Huh. I wouldn’t have guessed that.

Maleficus: It is because they are evil.

Clem: Are they, now?

Maleficus: Michael McDonald in particular.

Clem: Is he?

Maleficus: Have you never heard him sing, Dubious Clem?

Clem: Hmm. You may have a point there.

Lemmy: I love Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo. He’s hilarious, man.

Lana: Listenin’ to the conversation then, are you, Lemmy?

Lemmy: I’m always listening!

Lana: No, you’re not.

Clem: Lemmy, don’t go picking up Maleficus’ habit of sticking ‘Giant Evil’ in everything.

Lemmy: What’re you taking about, Clem?

Clem: I’m talking about ‘Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo.’ It’s Scooby Dooby Doo, plain and simple.

Lemmy: Scooby Dooby Doo’s a dog, man.

Clem: Essentially a non-sequitur, but yes, he is a dog, Lemmy.

Maleficus: Edible Lemmy’s statement was not a non-sequitur, Dubious Clem. He was trying to point out that Scooby Dooby Doo, the mystery-solving cartoon dog, is not one and the same as Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo, the mystery-creating Giant Evil cartoon Spider.

Clem: ‘Mystery-creating...?’

Maleficus: Scooby devours puny human clues at awkward moments, creating havoc while the Gang tries to solve a crime.

Clem: I don’t even know why I ask.

Maleficus: It is amusing...

Lemmy: It’s hilarious, man.

Maleficus: ...to children. Giant Evil children.

Lana: Wull, to answer the question we lef’ ‘angin’ a while back, the pun I was makin’ was on ‘doobie’ as in doobie.

Clem: Like the kind of cigarette you get when you break up a nice juicy bud and roll it.

Lemmy: Oh man, you got one, Clem?

Clem: No.

Lemmy: Can I have a toke?

Clem: I’m not smoking, Lemmy.

Lana: Anyroad, there’s no smokin’ in the booth, remember?

Lemmy: Um...

Clem: Of course he doesn’t remember.

Maleficus: So that would be ‘doobie’ as in Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo.

Clem: So the Scooby Dooby Giant Evil Doo cartoon is full of thinly-veiled drug references, is it?

Maleficus: Scooby and Giant Evil Shaggy are always chomping on ‘Giant Evil Scooby Snacks,’ which, while appearing to be ordinary puny-human skulls, are commonly held to be packed with narcotics.

Clem: Sounds just like Scooby Dooby Puny Canine Doo. Does Giant Evil Freddy wear a neckerchief?

Maleficus: Spiders have no necks.

Clem: Lucky escape for Freddy, I’d say.

Lana: Say, if you can type a ‘undred seventy-five words a minute, Maleficus, ‘ow many words can a professionally trained Giant Evil secretary type?

Maleficus: The average is about three hundred words a minute.

Lana: Y’know, I don’t think it’s possible to think three ‘undred words a minute.

Maleficus: Not for the puny human brain.

Lana: Oh, an’ your brains are superior?

Maleficus: Need you even ask? Just look at how big I am.

Lana: Yeh, well, lots of animals are bigger than ‘umans. That don’t make ‘em smarter.

Maleficus: Certainly it does.

Clem: Okay, that’s just silly.

Maleficus: Oh, you just think you’re so superior.

Clem: Depends on how you define ‘superior.’ We’re just saying humans are smarter than animals.

Lana: Most animals.

Clem: Most animals.

Maleficus: Not spiders.

Clem: Absolutely spiders.

Maleficus: Not Giant Evil Spiders.

Clem: Okay, maybe not.

Maleficus: Look at your shortcomings: you lack legs. You lack size. You lack brainpower. You lack sheer terror-inspiring visages. It is a wonder that your species evolved at all. Just look at the pathetic, jerky manner in which your footballers run about the pitch.

Lana: Looks fine to me.

Maleficus: Have you ever seen a spider run? Now, that is elegant.

Clem: Our footballers seem to be running just fine.

Maleficus: Using only two of your legs for running puts undue stress on the mid-leg joints.

Clem: You mean the knees?

Maleficus: Yes, the ‘knees.’ Running on only two legs all the time causes the knee-joints to break down.

Clem: ...

Maleficus: Why are you looking at me like that, Dubious Clem?

Clem: Did I just hear you right?

Lana: Knees break down, Clem.

Clem: Maleficus, do you know Grant Rockson?

Maleficus: I know who he is, but we have never met.

Clem: You ever meet Gil Lemson?

Maleficus: The late Dean of Lemmitanian sports?

Clem: Yeah, him. I’m surprised you know who he was.

Maleficus: He was quite famous.

Clem: In Dire Arachnia?

Maleficus: All over the world.

Lana: Wot’re you gettin’ at, Clem?

Clem: Nothing. Nothing. I just haven’t heard the theory that knee-joints break down in quite a while.

Maleficus: I believe that is what is happening to your Lemmings. They cannot perform at one hundred percent capacity in this tournament because their knee joints are damaged.

Clem: Are you sure you didn’t get this from Grant?

Maleficus: What do you mean?

Clem: I mean, Grant didn’t tell you to say this, or anything?

Maleficus: Why in the world would Grant Rockson be telling me what to say in a football broadcast?

Lana: Speakin’ of football, Keyshona’s jus’ scored a goal.

Clem: You ever hear of Joey Lemstater?

Maleficus: Who?

Lana: Scored by Coo Coo Cooper on twenny-six minutes. An’ the Key’oles go a’ead one goal to nil.

Clem: What about Bing Bingson?

Maleficus: What is it you are on about?

Lana: Anybody else in the booth aware of the goal-scorn’ wot’s jus’ ‘appened?

Maleficus: I apologize, edible Lana, I was engaged in a mysterious conversation with Dubious Clem.

Lana: ‘ow come ‘e gets to be called Dubious Clem an’ I ‘ave to be called ‘edible,’ like Lemmy?

Maleficus: When a more appropos descriptor suggests itself, I shall adopt it.

Lana: Wull, I ‘ope it comes along fast, ‘cause every time you call me ‘edible,’ it creeps me out.

Maleficus: It is meant to.

Lana: Wull, it’s workin’.

Clem: Bing Bingson Breakdown Society? Means nothing to you, Maleficus?

Maleficus: Nothing, Duious Clem.

Clem: Hmm. I don’t know...

Maleficus: That is why you are Dubious Clem.

Clem: Yeah, I get that. You’re telling me you came up with the theory that the Lemmings’ knee joints are breaking down all by yourself?

Maleficus: It is a commonly-known medical condition.

Clem: It’s commonly known among Gil’s followers. But I wouldn’t have expected Giant Evil Spiders to have heard of it.

Lana: Lemsmith kicks it off, passin’ to Lydon, an’ we’re underway again.

Clem: I mean, unless they’ve had some contact with him. Or Grant.

Maleficus: Everyone knows that two-legged animals have problems with their overtaxed leg joints.

Clem: Exactly what kind of problems do they have?

Maleficus: I believe they are related to your inferior internal skeletons.

Clem: Go on.

Maleficus: Well, there is a bone in the ‘knee’ joint called the patella. Also known as the ‘leg-joint cap.’

Clem: That’s knee-cap.

Maleficus: Or ‘knee-cap.’ And the knee-cap is suspended, as it were, upon a sack of jelly-like material.

Clem: Uh-huh.

Maleficus: And, through overuse, the jelly supporting the patella becomes less pliant, eventually hardening.

Clem: That’s exactly how Gil described Knee-Joint Breakdown!

Maleficus: He must have been familiar with the syndrome.

Clem: There is no syndrome! Gil made KJB up!

Lana: That was never proven, Clem.

Clem: It got him into all kinds of trouble, eventually!

Lana: That don’t prove ‘e made it up!

Maleficus: I know nothing of Gil Lemson’s connection to Knee-Joint Breakdown.

Clem: Hmm. Double-hmm.

Maleficus: Perhaps you have a better theory regarding the Edible Lemmings’ poor performance so far in the tournament?

Clem: I wouldn’t exactly call their performance poor. It’s just mediocre.

Maleficus: Mediocrity should not be accepted from the defending champions!

Clem: What would you have us do about it?

Maleficus: Sultan Prime would have done something about it.

Clem: Who’s that, the coach of the Dire Arachnia team?

Maleficus: He is the ruler of Dire Arachnia!

Clem: Oh, my bad.

Lana: You should pay more attention to important international matters, Clem.

Clem: Oh, come off it. There’s like, a hundred thousand countries in the world. Who knows any of their leaders?

Lana: I know Governor-General Lemming.

Clem: Yeah, yeah, and Louis Gilsterson. Why the hell would I know the president of Dire Arachnia?

Maleficus: Sultan Prime is Sultan! Not president.

Lana: An’ Louis Gilsterson’s deposed. Some vampire’s rulin’ Gilmeecia now.

Clem: Well, Maleficus, what would Sultan Prime have done by now to get the Lemmings on the winning track?

Maleficus: That is difficult to answer. Sultan Prime is somewhat unpredictable. But most likely, I would venture, he would have replaced the squad’s faulty knees with new, improved bionic ones.

Clem: There are no bionic knees! And that’s another of Gil’s crazy ideas!

Lana: No, I think that one was Grant’s idea!

Clem: Whatever! Same difference!

Lana: It is not the same difference! They’re two completely different people!

Clem: Okay, once and for all--

Maleficus: Not to interrupt, but I would like to announce that puny human Keyshona has scored another goal.

Lana: Wot, again? This is the first time all tournament that Melsterson’s given up two goals.

Maleficus: The Lemmings will lose their first match.

Lana: It’s only on thirty-eight minutes!

Maleficus: Their inferior hardened knee-joints will not allow them to catch up.

Lana: Wull, you may have something there.

Clem: He does not! Stop agreeing with him!

Lana: Nothin’ personal, Clem.

Clem: Hmmph.

Lemmy: Oh, man! Did you guys ever notice that Maleficus the Giant Spider is here?

Lana: ...

Clem: ...

Maleficus: ...

Lemmy: Uh... how come nobody’s talkin’?

Clem: Do you even know where you are, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Totally, man.

Clem: So tell me.

Lemmy: Uh... tell you what, man?

Lana: Forget it, Clem.

Lemmy: Hey! Look down there! There’s bugs playing football! Hee hee hee!

Clem: ...and away we go.

Lemmitania

14-01-2004, 07:31

Also posted to the chat thread: <OOC>

Hey, has anybody said they want to host the also-ran tournament this time around? 'Cause if Lemmitania doesn't qualify-- and that's a big if (they're currently in qualifying position), I'd like to host it.

If no one else has said they want to yet.

So there's some wishy-washyness for you.

<OOC>

14-01-2004, 07:48

ARTEMISIA ABSENTIA CLOSES GAP!!!!

The boys of Artemisia Absentia closed the gap between 4th and 5th place between Big Butts and themselves to 1 point in the standings after a marvelous victory. While they are still not out of qualifying completely their hopes are dwindling as there are only 4 games left to go. However they finish they will be welcomed home with a heroes welcome. We are sure that the players upon return to their homeland will finally be glad that they no longer have to wear uniforms and can return to the nudist way of life that exists in Artemisia Absentia.

Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 10 9 0 1 21 6 15 27
Audioslavia 10 7 2 1 16 4 12 23
Oddslavo 10 5 4 1 11 4 7 19
Big Butts 10 4 3 3 13 10 3 15
Artemisia Absentia 10 4 2 4 14 14 0 14
Lynnwoode 10 2 2 6 10 17 -7 8
Ice Reavers 10 2 1 7 9 18 -9 7
Mattigool 10 0 0 10 5 26 -21 0

Spaam

14-01-2004, 07:53

Liverpool England

14-01-2004, 08:28

LE held at home to already-eliminated Beestings, Expected to Defeat Praying2God

Liverpool England 2 (Dirosa 44, Christopher 46) Beestings 2 (Dirosa og 3, <player> 41)

Beestings took a shock 2-0 lead against the WC8 Champs in Schimpol within 41 minutes yesterday, with Dominique Dirosa providing controversy in the third minute when he tried to toe-poke the ball out for a corner but instead toe-poked the ball past the helpless Mark Hearne to grant Beestings a dream start. They later went 2-0 up after a mad scramble in the box saw Dirosa again passing a sloppy pass to Hearne, and player 11 took advantage and snatched the ball to beat the out-of-place Hearne from 4 yards. Dirosa later made up for his mistakes with a fabulous 45-yard volley, a contender for goal of the Qualifying campaign, and right after half-time Howard Christopher levelled the scores with a great goal, a delightful header into the bottom corner of the net from a dead ball.

The Lowland Clans

14-01-2004, 13:32

ASNN - The Stars Pull Closer to English With Thumping of Pablicosta
Mike Jorgen, Sports

GRAHAM CITY - The Pablicostan defence did little to stop the Clanners this game, as the TLC Stars rampaged through the Pablicostan defence to score a whopping 4 goals on an amazingh 81 minutes of ball possesion! With the Stars looking to up the ante on group leaders Liverpool England, they put the pressure on quickly in the first half. Mark Jeremy and Chee Blackwing played brutally with the Pablicostan defence, tearing them to shreds with a series of excellent chips and crosses, and Blackwing finished beautifully with a blast from 10 yards out.

10 minutes later, the Clanner offence was at it again, penetrating deep inside the Pablicostan halfbacks, setting up a 4-2 with Blackwing, Jeremy, Harrison, and Jenessy leading the charge. Jenessy took a cross from Harrison, who then took it in and displayed a masterful set of ballhandling skills, and scored easily after deking out the two Pablicostan defenders.

The Pablicostans managed to score on a defensive blunder made by Jeff McKay, but Jeremy managed to make up for it with a goal just after.

(OOC: Meh, sorry for losing steam near the end, real tired and on crappy internet and all. The REason I haven't been RPing was becuase I've been on vacation all week, and probably won't have internet again until next wekk.)

TLC Stars 4 - 1 Pablicosta
Blackwing (24)
Jenessy (34)
Jeremy (56,75)

Jeruselem

14-01-2004, 13:43

Jeruselem Government News

Eauz put down fighting Crusaders

As expected, Eauz beat the Jeruselem Crusaders in a Group 1 mismatch, but the Jeruselem showed it's fighting spirit. Eauz win 5-2.

For the first half of the game, Eauz simply overran the Crusader defense scoring at will. The hapless keeper watched 5 goals hit the net as the defense could not hold out a artillery barrage of shots on goal. Eauz dominated the midfield and spent 70% of their time in the Crusaders half.

The crowded thinned after the 1st half, but loyal fans got treat. In the 60 minute Manny Jones broke the Eauz defense and put one past the bored keeper. Eauz counter-attacked but this time they could not dominate the previously fragile defense. David Becks got a free kick after a careless tackle from a Eauz defender. He fired it over the wall deflecting off a defender into the Eauz net.

Despite this, the 5-2 win to Eauz was comprehensive but their 2nd half needed improvement.

14-01-2004, 17:05

This is to inform you that Matchday 11 Results and Tables (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2583921&highlight=#2583921) have now been posted.

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

Halfassedstates

14-01-2004, 18:28

Sowhatsville NewsBack Page

Halfassed slip-up big style against Oilermania!

With three of there four remaining matches at home, and two of those against teams ranked outside the top 100, Halfassed seemed to still have a good chance of making it into the top two in group 9 and gaining an automatic slot for WC XI.

Manager Jarvis Smith had went on record stating that at least 6 points from the home matches along with a result at Defari should be enough to see Halfassed through.While this is still possible, it is very unlikly that it will happen.

On a rain swept evening in Whogivesa just about everything that could go wrong went wrong. Gunnet was taken off mid-way through the first half after an innoculous challenge. (It was later confirmed that this was nothing more serious than a dead-leg)

Once again, the reliance of the Halfassed strikeforce on Gunnet was obvious for all to see. Sherwood had a couple of good chances, but Time, who replaced Gunnet, never looked to be at the same game as his strike partner. At the other end, Jennung and Ducks were both at their imperious best denying a number of chances for the strangly adventurous visitors.

The halftime team talk should have helped the Halfassed side realise what was on the line, but if it did, they clearly didn't get the message. 68 minutes were gone when disaster struck once again, a through ball looked like it would cause little trouble for Wall, until he slipped on the wet surface. The Oilermanian striker pounced on the loose ball and charged into the box, Riddle tried to cover, but only clattered into him. The ref had no option - off went Riddle and Oilermania had a penalty. Jennung guessed right and got a hand to the ball, but it went in off the post. 0-1

Despite all their efforts, the toothless strikeforce couldn't equilise and Halfassed were finally defeated.

The result means that Halfassed are back in 4th in the group and no longer hold the ability to make it automatically to WCXI in their own hands.

Next up are group favorites and leaders Kingsford who annialated the other previous unbeaten team in the group Commercial Heights 4-0 in Kingsford to-day. Defeat in that match would leave Halfassed having to win in Defari to have any chance of making it to the third place play-offs.
Another performance like to-days will make that impossible!

OCC: Seriously - How the F**k can a 13th seed lose at home to a team outside the top 100 that ain't even been RP'ing???? Yet we can draw away against the other main RP'er in the group whose just a few ranks below us!
It's a bit like Spain losing to N.Ireland in Madrid! (it doesn't happen!)

14-01-2004, 19:07

Brazillico

14-01-2004, 19:19

14-01-2004, 19:25

OCC: Seriously - How the F**k can a 13th seed lose at home to a team outside the top 100 that ain't even been RP'ing???? Yet we can draw away against the other main RP'er in the group whose just a few ranks below us!
It's a bit like Spain losing to N.Ireland in Madrid! (it doesn't happen!)

OOC - Firstly, this isn't real-life football. It's a game of chance like Blackjack or Duck Duck Goose, so the odd upset is bound to happen from time to time. However, I can see why you'd be frustrated after losing to a team who has made more posts in the sign-up thread than RPs, pushing you down to fourth in the group.

OOC: Out of curiousity (& this is not aimed at anyone in particular), why is it that unranked/lower-ranked teams who don't RP are criticised when they win in an odd upset, yet highly ranked teams who don't RP aren't criticised when they win?

NEWI Cefn Druids

14-01-2004, 20:07

NEWI NEWS

THEY SHOOT!!! THEY SCORE!!! THEY LOSE. AGAIN.
David Rhys-Jones at Kirkanden for NEWI Cefn Druids 2 Creedence Clearwater 3

The Druids slipped to the bottom of their qualifying group yesterday, when they were beaten at home against fellow strugglers Creedence Clearwater in another dreadful performance.

Despite the match featuring the Druids' first shots since their last goal, in the game against Dual Supporters four games ago, these were only at the end of the match, at a time when the result was never in doubt.

A Brad Bayou hat trick eased the away team ahead within the first hour of the game, as the visitors attack and midfield passed the ball around with ease. They ran the home defence ragged, something that showed when they scored two goals in three minutes towards the end of the first half. Both were from slick passing moves putting Bayou through on goal, who promptly put both efforts well past Trevor Allinson.

The third, on 59 minutes, was a thirty-five yard free kick, given when Pearson hacked down Suzie Q and was sent for an early bath. The shot fizzed passed Allinson, who was at full stretch for the effort, but could do nothing about it.

The Druids two goals, though quite an achievement for them, were only concelations after the Creedence Clearwater defence had started to relax a little. There was never any chance of Druids comeback, though, despite the efforts of substitute Ellis Mbaka, who could have earned himself a starting place for the match in Gesamtkuntswerk with his concelation goals.

The FANCD have stated that Head Coach Trevor Stevens is in no danger of losing his job, despite the team not yet recording a win. A spokeswoman stated, "We didn't expect to win any games, anyway, so it isn't a complete failure. Remember, if we draw our last three games, we'll go down in history!!!" With the Druids in this kind of form, there doesn't seem like much chance of that happening.

Final score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 ( Pearson Sent Off 59 Mbaka 86, 90 )
Creedence Clearwater 3 ( Bayou 39, 41, 59 )

Teams:

NEWI Cefn Druids: ( 4-4-2 ) Allinson; Kallins ( Rhyds 60 ), Pearson, Yates, Seaton; Simpson, Lee, Welsh, James; Greaves ( Trevor 60 )
Frederiksson ( Mbaka 82 ).

Creedence Clearwater: ( 4-4-2 ) Mooney; L. Mary, Lodi, Tamble, P. Mary; Shadow, Q, Fields, Bootleg; Bayou, Grapevine.

Svecia

14-01-2004, 20:35

Svecia, always a slow starter in World Cup qualifying, once again jumped out to a second to last place start in Group 2. Although threatening to jump into third at one point, the Lightning have fallen behind in the race and it looks like they will be lucky if they keep their world ranking under 30 at the end of this disasterous World Cup 11.

Snub Nose 38

14-01-2004, 20:38

ooc: enters quietly, speaks softly

SN38 is currently ranked 3rd. Given the matchups in Group 3 for the last three matches, it is highly probable that SN38 will come in either 3rd, and have to battle for one of the last 6 qualifying spots with 11 other sides, or come in 4th and simply not qualify. We RP fairly regularly.

Lemmy is currently ranked 1st. It is also likely that Lemmy will come in 3rd or below. Lemmy is a very regular, very good RPer (that is understatement).

So what? If we qualify, we move on in the tournament. If we don't, we get on with our lives until WC12 (Lemmy's already cookin' up a Consolation Tournament w/Spaam (another highly ranked RPer who may not qualify) - unless Commerce Heights' (another highly ranked RPer) doesn't qualify, in which case...well, SOMEBODY is going to host the Consolation Tournament for those who don't qualify and want to keep on keepin' on.

See Svecia's post, above.

Just a few examples.

So...what is all this whinning about? 8)

Just quickly counted - there are about 33 sides that are fairly highly ranked and RP fairly regularly that stand a good chance of not qualifying. Of those 33, at least 14 won't qualify, and probably as many as 20 won't qualify.

Spaam

14-01-2004, 20:44

OOC:

Exactly 8)

Plus there is the Founding Nations Cup.... which you are eligible for Snub ;)

Audioslavia

14-01-2004, 21:53

OCC: Seriously - How the F**k can a 13th seed lose at home to a team outside the top 100 that ain't even been RP'ing???? Yet we can draw away against the other main RP'er in the group whose just a few ranks below us!
It's a bit like Spain losing to N.Ireland in Madrid! (it doesn't happen!)

1982 World Cup dude :) Northern Ireland kicked their ass in Spain, not sure if it was in Madrid though

OOC: Out of curiousity (& this is not aimed at anyone in particular), why is it that unranked/lower-ranked teams who don't RP are criticised when they win in an odd upset, yet highly ranked teams who don't RP aren't criticised when they win? whine whine whine whine whine

The regs that dont RP in qualification, generally RP in the world cup finals, so there isnt really any need to criticise them, hence why they dont get criticised.

The regs that dont RP at all, are criticised, at least by me. Where the fuck did Busby go?

note to self: quit writing whilst tired

Kingsford

14-01-2004, 23:12

BAM!

Kingsford, who had been trailing group leaders Commerce Heights by one point since their 1-0 loss to them in the first 7, came out today with a 4-0 win over the Bulldogs. Kingsford now leads the group with a slim two point lead.

OOC:
June 28th, 1982. The very last 1st round match. The group: 5. In those days, a win was worth a solemn two points, and Spain held the bull by the horns, leading with just a 1 point lead over Northern Ireland. The match was to be held in Valencia. Everything was going well, when BAM! Armstrong knocks one past Arconada, and Northern Ireland takes the lead. They end up winning on Armstrong's goal, and winning the infamous group five. However, both Spain and Northern Ireland qualify, Yugoslavia beat out by goals for and Honduras, well, they only got two points.

However, none of this matters, because they both got raped by West Germany and France, respectively; both finishing at the bottom of their groups.

Bedistan

15-01-2004, 00:57

The Jamestown Eagle

Do Not Feed the Crocodiles
Sound advice that wasn't followed

MIDWAY, Nesh. -- The Tanah Burung Crocodiles came to Bedistan today, probably some twelve years later than they would have liked, but they came nevertheless. After their 1-0 defeat of the Bedistan Lions on matchday 4, the Lions were certainly hungry for revenge and the satisfaction of finally beating the Crocs in their third attempt.

Instead, they further proved their inability to defeat a ranked team.

Not surprisingly, the main player in the Bedistani offense was Darren Morlock. Alas, his eight shots on goal were all easily blocked or saved by goalkeeper Nino Konis. Kucharski and Morgan were the anchors of a solid Lion defense that greatly helped Erik Oldenburg do the same. That is, until a Maria Miskita strike hit Oldenburg squarely in the chest, knocking the wind out of him and forcing him to leave the pitch. Tabitha Fukushima would tend the goal for the remainder of the match.

It looked very much like the Lions would manage their third consecutive draw, but when Clinton Saravia took down Canabe Livit in the box, a penalty (in addition to a yellow card) was awarded. Taur Matan Ruak took the kick, and there was dead silence in James Parker National Stadium as the ball sailed into the goal, with Fukushima just standing there.

[code:1:a03165f4a6](06) Bedistan 0
(15) Tanah Burung 1 (Ruak pen 77)[/code:1:a03165f4a6]

For the curious, Ruak's goal was the 100th scored against the Bedistan Lions in the 25-year history of the squad.

The admittedly expected loss leaves the Lions in fourth place in Group 6, and the team is now a full four points behind third-place Gesamtkuntswerk, who lost to Squornshelous 2-1. BediStat odds on the Lions qualifying are now set at 10-1.

[code:1:a03165f4a6]Group 6
Rank Name P W D L F A GD Pts
(15) Tanah Burung 11 7 2 2 16 3 +13 23
(23) Squornshelous 11 6 4 1 10 3 +7 22
(26) Gesamtkuntswerk 11 6 3 2 15 6 +9 21
(06) Bedistan 11 5 3 3 11 4 +7 18
Athamasha 11 3 2 6 12 15 -3 11
Dual supporters 11 2 5 4 9 15 -6 11
Creedence Clearwater 11 1 3 7 9 22 -13 6
NEWI Cefn Druids 11 0 6 5 6 20 -14 6[/code:1:a03165f4a6]

Official BediStat Odds
MD12: Dual supporters 10-1 / draw 4-1 / Bedistan 1-3
MD13: Bedistan 1-3 / draw 4-1 / Creedence Clearwater 10-1
MD14: Gesamtkuntswerk 5-3 / draw 2-1 / Bedistan 7-3

Lions to qualify: 10-1
First place: 250-1
Second place or better: 40-1
Third place or better: 6-1
Fourth place finish: 1-3
Fifth place finish: 8-1

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha – W 1-0
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids – D 0-0
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous – D 0-0
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 12: at Dual supporters
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

Team Statistics
[code:1:a03165f4a6] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 108 13 19 17 7 21 20 11
Wins 56 5 8 8 5 13 12 5
Draws 21 5 5 2 0 3 3 3
Losses 31 3 6 7 2 5 5 3
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +60 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +7
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:a03165f4a6]
Individual Statistics
[code:1:a03165f4a6]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 9 5 0.56
A. Hamner 3 1 0.33
N. Palin 11 2 0.18
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 11 1 0.09

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
E. Oldenburg 10 3 0.30
T. Fukushima 1 1 1.00[/code:1:a03165f4a6]

Bedistan

15-01-2004, 00:58

OOC: I make way too many double posts...

Mattigool

15-01-2004, 01:23

Mattigool Sports

Gools "B"-Team Party

(Goolsund) While the Gools regenerated their "B"-Team played against Aquilla and were beaten 0-4. Goola Goolason wanted to give them some match-praxis. In a one sided match the B-Gools never had a chance and Aquilla brought home an easy win.
We got information that in some regions people already has begun to celebrate some kind of voodoo to bring luck back to the Gools. As it seems it did not work for the "B"-Team. Perhaps it is a long way back to luck, it maybe work next matchday.
[code:1:04f1f03e22]
Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 11 10 0 1 25 6 19 30
Audioslavia 11 8 2 1 18 4 14 26
Oddslavo 11 6 4 1 12 4 8 22
Big Butts 11 4 3 4 14 12 2 15
Artemisia Absentia 11 4 2 5 14 16 -2 14
Lynnwoode 11 3 2 6 12 18 -6 11
Ice Reavers 11 2 1 8 9 19 -10 7
Mattigool 11 0 0 11 5 30 -25 0
[/code:1:04f1f03e22]
We'll keep you informed

Snub Nose 38

15-01-2004, 03:33

*it is twilight, and ben dover is standing in 38 special stadium, motionless, starring across the pitch at...nothing. just standing, and starring. motionless. eileen sits in the first row, behind ben, quiet. after quite some time - *

- Ben?
- ...
- We should go, Ben.
- ...
- Come on, now, Ben. Lets go.
- ...They lost...
- Ben? It's time to go.
- ...To East-Germany...
- Snap out of it!
- ...Unranked East-Germany...
- Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
- ...

*ben continues to stand, motionless in the twilight, starring across the pitch at...nothing. eileen continues to wait patiently for ben to come around. she knows it'll just be a few more minutes, and then they'll get on with important things. the first of which will be a cold beer.*

*in another part of town, someone known only as "margaret" sits motionless in the twilight, stunned, on a park bench. as we watch, the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages comes into view around a corner of the path to the west, and slowly walks towards margaret.*

- Margaret?
- ...
- Come on, Margaret. It's not that bad.
- ...
- Get it together, and let's go.
- ...They lost...
- I know.
- ...How could they lose...?
- Just forget it for now. Take a deep breath, and come with me.
- ...The Hooligans lost, too...
- What?
- ...The Hooligans...they lost, too.
- Too? What do you mean by "too"?
- Well...Mattigool lost again, even though I gave 'em the best sacrificial supplication I had in me. And, the Hooligans lost, too.
- ...

*margaret continues to sit and stare. the minister sits on the bench beside her, and stares across the park at...the beer concession stand.*

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 11 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*after the usual ridiculous music, over the obligatory "great moments in sports" shots, segue to the aspn sports desk. behind the desk, on the wall, is a hooligans jersey side by side with an east-german jersey. our intripid reporter is sitting behind the desk. motionless. he stares across the studio, in dead-air, at...nothing.*

- Psst!
- ...
- (stage whisper from off camera) Yo!
- ...
- (stage whisper from off camera) Hey! We're live, man!
- ...
- (stage whisper from off camera) You're killing us here!
- ...
- (stage whisper from off camera) We're all gonna get fired, man!
- ...

*scene segues to a placid pastoral scene, with the following words superimposed: *

We are having technical difficulties. Please stand by.

Bedistan

15-01-2004, 03:40

Location: Headquarters of the Bedistan Football Association, Amissville

Secretary of Sports and Games Jim Parker is speaking with BFA president Jonathan Chávez. Parker is sitting behind his desk, beer in hand. An inspection of the label reveals it to be an infamous Burung Bud Brew. Chávez, of course, is looking rather nastily at him, considering what another product of Tanah Burung did to the Bedistani team today in Midway. Chávez, however, is also a fan of imported beer -- let's face it; Bedistan is not known for its breweries. Chávez is holding what appears to be a "38 Special".

Parker: So what do you propose?

Chávez: Well, let's face it -- Barber is history. He has successfully undone all that you did as manager of the Lions from 2004-2018. The last decade has marked our slow but incessant fall back into obscurity. The failure to qualify for World Cup 11 is the last straw.

Parker: Jonathan, there are still three matches left. We can easily get back into a qualifying spot. Especially with two of those matches against newbie teams.

Chávez: Jim, it ain't gonna happen. We're four points back from third, and I can't see us getting any more than seven out of these three matches. As long as Gesamtkuntswerk can win a match somewhere, it's pretty much over.

Parker: So if we do nix Gene...then what?

Chávez: Personally, I think the best thing would be for you to manage the team again.

Parker: Me? Heh. No, no, I'm much too old to be doing that these days. Besides, I can't manage the Lions and run the Department at the same time. What about Johnny?

Chávez: Johnny Lewis? Well, I'll admit he's done pretty well as an offensive coach, bringing us up from the horrors of the first half of WC10 quals. I guess we've got nothing to lose...

Parker: And then who can we get to take his place as offensive coach?

Chávez: Well, using a famous striker worked this time. Maybe it'll work again. I think Jeff Whitehurst would be interested in the job.

Parker: Hmm. I'll call him up later today.

Chávez: Well, when should I break the news to Gene?

Parker: He probably already knows it's coming. Still, I'd wait until after the Gesamtkuntswerk match. No sense in changing horses midstream.

Chávez: And Johnny will be manager by the time the also-ran tournament comes around?

Parker: Yep.

Chávez: Excellent. Nice doing business with you.

Parker and Chávez shake hands. Unfortunately, Parker succeeds in knocking over his triple-B onto the desk.

Parker: Dammit! That's the fifth one today!

Chávez: Um...maybe you need to lay off the triple-B, Jim.

Parker: Nah, I'm fine. Anyway, I'll call Jeff up, see if he's interested. And who knows, maybe Gene'll stop trying and the team'll actually get something done.

Chávez: We can only hope.

Bedistan

15-01-2004, 03:41

Yep, another double post.

Oglethorpia

15-01-2004, 04:06

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Win vs Timway puts Oglethorpia on top!
Oglethorpia clinches the top spot after victory against Timway

By Bill Christmas

TIMWAY (BT) -- Traveling far and away to the nation of Timway, the Wonderteam took the field vs. Timway sporting the full, complete and uncut version of the Oglethorpian startling 11, with both keeper Yamamoto-san back in the starting lineup after an incident involving a boot to the face, and Butch Beige after his faked mad evisceratomato disease contraction. Beige was quoted as saying "shut up about it." Fair enough.

Timway, who had been preforming sub-par all throughout World Cup 11 qualifying opened the door for Oglethorpia, and more specifically, Wonderteam striker Torrence Black in the 18th minute when Black split the defense in two and in a 1 on 1 challenge vs. the keeper, put it over his head easily.

Up 1-nil and now playing a very conservative match of futebol, Oglethorpia and Timway would see the match to the half, with Timway still very much so in the match.

However Jorge White would provide the insurance goal early on in the second half -- a Fernando Green cross from midfield was taken down the field by Kirk Calhoun, sent over the width and breadth of the field to Jorge White, and finally taken in from short range right around Timway's goalkeeper. The 52nd minute saw Oglethorpia up 2-nil over Timway.

"After that," said White, "we just looked to Yamamoto-san hoping he'd play a good game in goal. And as usual, he came through -- only recording 3 against. It definitely shows, since the we've only got one loss to our record."

"They're definitely pickin' up the slack," said coach Picciotto. "The Wonderteam's got a few more wins to their record after a drought of them early on in qualifying." Says Picciotto, "as long as they keep scoring goals and Yamamoto-san keeps keepin' em out, we should do just fine."

True words of wisdom, straight from the horse's mouth.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (T. Black 18th, J. White 52nd)
Timway - 0

---

Oglethorpia secures home win
Wonderteam increases hold on 1st place with a win vs. Gmlac

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- After the disastrous match in Gmlac's dilapidated national stadium that saw Fernando Green injure his nose, the two sides would once again meet again in Oglethorpia -- albeit in the Wonderteam's slightly nicer home pitch of Amalgamated Stadium, for the second match straight packed to it's capacity of 118,000. It's safe to say more people the Gmlacian national side has ever played before...ever.

Prior to the match, Oglethorpian futebol analysts had predicted that the Wonderteam, now on a winning streak of several games would run circles around Gmlac -- but no one predicted it would be like the match the 118,000 fans saw in Amalgamated Stadium on matchday 11 of World Cup 11 qualifying.

Sporting a revitalized offense that brings to mind the Oglethorpian Wonderteam offense of World Cup 10, Oglethorpia opened up early on Gmlac and it's weak backfield, Jorge White and Torrence Black passing it every whichway -- the spectacular run finally ending in a corner kick.

Stepping up to bat -- or to kick, was Black's Real Tripoli teammate Fernando Green. With another spectacular kick soaring over the Gmlacian players bunched up at the corner of the pitch, Torrence Black would head the ball into the goal in the 9th minute already putting Oglethorpia up 1-nil.

If there were any sentiment that 1-nil was a weak lead, in a few short minutes any semblance of the thought would be a thing of the past.

A series of crosses, passes and headers put Jorge White in position to score the second Oglethorpian goal -- to his surprise, his pass was picked off by Gmlacian Defender Goonie #1. Acting on things quickly, Black made an attempt to reach the ball, and in the entire rush and commotion of things, Defender Goonie #1's pass back to the goalie sailed right by the goalie and into the back of the net. In the 14th minute, Defender Goonie #1 had scored an own goal on his team -- likely not the last of his career.

Frighteningly enough, the match would go to the half seeing no more goals on the part of the Wonderteam. Even [much, much much] less astonishing was that in the entire duration of the first half, Yamamoto-san had only seen one shot on goal on the part of Gmlac -- quickly cleared away by a strong defense led by defender Samson Grey.

Blame it on a Wonderteam offense who had lost interest -- or a improved defense on the side of Gmlac, but the third goal for the Wonderteam did not come till the 61st minute.

Acting off a steal on Defender Goonie #3, Kirk Calhoun would take the ball right outside the goalie's box, placing the ball right into the corner of the net -- a decisive shot no goalkeeper could've saved. Unless he were Andre the Giant. Unfortunately for the keeper, he wasn't. Even if he was, unfortuantely for Andre the Giant, he has no goalkeeping skill.

On with the match the Wonderteam went, following Calhoun's goal in the 61st, Oglethorpia maintaining a lead of 3-nil. Jorge White would see his first goal of the match shortly after in the 65th minute, a fine solo run that unfortunately ended in a shot banging off the crossbar -- but his second attempt on goal would be grounded into the back of the net.

With the match 65 minutes in and Oglethorpia up 4-nil, the play of the Wonderteam had become more relaxed and that of Gmlac more fatigued, demoralized and uninterested.

Nothing of note happened -- that is, until the 81st minute when lazy [and incompetent/poorly trained] Oglethorpian Association of Futebol officials blew the 'final' whistle -- stampeding the field were all 280 members of the Bureaucratic States Armed Forces military band, a pleathora of fans and other assorted excited folk. The Wonderteam, their wits still somewhat about them, continued play amidst the madness and the sea of people, a majority of them lugging around instruments -- a vicous tackle on the part of Torrence Black brought a tuba player crashing to the ground, making way for ball carrier and midfielder Floyd Black to knock a shot in the middle of the chaos of people in the 83rd.

When order had been restored and the injured tuba player removed from the field, the real final whistle was called, fulltime seeing Oglethorpia win a decisive match 5-nil against visitors Gmlac.

"That was nuts, man," reflected midfielder Floyd Black. "All of a sudden, I hear the whistle and see this bullrush of people -- notably the band -- the next Ken'Ichi's just passed me the ball, and Torrence Black literally bowls this tuba player over letting me take a shot and score the 5th and final goal for the Wonderteam. That really was nuts."

Said Torrence Black, regarding the tuba player, "he should pay attention to what's happening around him better. Oh, and i'm sorry for breaking his arm."

When Black was notified that the tuba player he tackled had indeed injured both arms, he said, "i'm sorry, for breaking both of his arms."

The Association of Futebol/Football has announced no plans to reprimand the officials involved in the accidental calling of fulltime 9-minutes early, causing the chaos seen on field last night.

"Poor officiating or not," commented coach Picciotto, "it's good to get goals anyway you can -- own goals, as we saw this game, or because of outside intervention -- such as 280 band members in the way of our players. Fact is, they weren't s'posed to be out there. I'm glad Torrence Black tackled that tuba player."

Bureaucratic Tribune reporters have notified us that "that tuba player who had both arms broken by Torrence Black after he tackled him" is planning to "sue that asshole into jail." More on any possible developments in this field later.

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 5 (T. Black 9th, J. Defender Goonie #1 14th, K. Calhoun 61st, J. White 65th, F. Black 83rd)
Gmlac - 0

---

Possible libel suit?
Guy Picciotto threatens 'possible legal action'

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- After Bill Christmas published an article involving the term "True words of wisdom, straight from the horse's mouth" concerning such words from Wonderteam coach Guy Picciotto's mouth, the 54-year old Megalopolis City FC manager threatened 'possible legal action' concerning the pointed accusation that Guy Picciotto is a horse, and that he was talking out of a horse's mouth.

"Now that's just preposterious," said Picciotto in a press release held outside his home in Megalopolis City. "To assert that i'm some sort of horse -- the horse as he puts it, as if i'm the single horse, the ass of the country is simply insulting and I can't allow that kind of talk to go around about me."

Bill Christmas asserts that he's a foreigner, and was unaware that Oglethorpians had little knowledge of other culture's 'figures of speech.' "I'll be more careful next time," said Christmas. "I guess you really do have to write for people assuming that they have a 6th grade education."

Christmas could not be reached for further comment when it was mentioned that comments like that are what many people will take for libel.

After all, after the Mike-Mike case in World Cup 8, we've seen that Oglethorpians get in all manner of lawsuits.

---

ESE incineration reaches new level
To date, 40,305 infected evisceratomatoes burned

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In an astonishing release by the Food, Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation, Mike Stumbles admitted that "the number of infected evisceratomatoes taken off the market had increased from 2,345 to 40,305." "It sorta skyrocketed," he confessed in an interview later. Skyrocketed indeed, the number quintuppling -- or possibly even biduxtuppling, with more to be uncovered.

"We've got things under control," said Stumbles. "It's simple. We've cutoff the evisceratomato trade with Spaam and East Spaam, so it's just a matter of tracking the bad ones down that those East Spaamians tried to poison us with, grown in their poorly regulated and cheap evisceratomato farms."

The FD&FAA&F has announced plans to create new legislation concerning evisceratomato imports and domestic growing of the vegatables after the mad evisceratomato crisis has come under control.

Squornshelous

15-01-2004, 04:56

Squornshelous Defeats Gesamkuntswerk in Deciscive Matchup

Todays game between the second and third ranked teams in qualifying group six was a crucial game for both sides. Squornshelous followed the "Score early and often" doctrine almost to perfection, taking a 2-0 lead off of two goals by striker Gerald Nelson in the 23rd and 38th minutes. Gesamkuntswerk put on a late rally, but it was more excellent work by Pschychoes keeper Toby Allen, only allowing one goal, on an incredible shot from the top of the 18-yard box. With this win, Squornshelous moves into strong position for the home stretch of qualification.

Aquilla

15-01-2004, 05:30

With a little recovery, Aquilla re-reached its status as the best team in the cup. We're still tied with Rejis on points but we have a better GD. Now to more important matters...

Eauz

15-01-2004, 06:09

Tie Keeps Eauz on Top

The expected game between Les Bleus and Lemmitania was everything expected, except for goals. Both Defence were on the ball, and the Goal tenders were both of equal ability. Les Bleus came into the game for a little revenge for a 1 - 0 lost on home soil the last time. Unfortunatly, the win did not come, though they did achieve a Tie, giving them another point. The coach said... "I wish we had gotten those 3 points, but oh well, I felt pretty good about our team, we played strong, and had our chances, but just didn't capitalise on them. I hope that the next 3 games, we can finish off strong with 3 wins in a row." It is not unrealistic to think that Les Bleus could finish off well, seeing as they play a pretty weak schedule to finish off the qualification round, going against teams wich they won 3 straight last time.

Predictions for Les Bleus in this Division :
[code:1:eaca6671fd]
Group 1 P W D L Pts
Eauz 14 9 2 3 29
[/code:1:eaca6671fd]

Well it Looks as if I do have 1 more draw at the moment, we will see how close my predictions are at the end of qualification.

[code:1:eaca6671fd] Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 11 6 3 2 18 10 8 21
Lemmitania 11 5 5 1 15 5 10 20
Busby 11 4 7 0 16 8 8 19
The Weegies 11 4 6 1 13 7 6 18
Keyshona 11 4 4 3 9 5 4 16
Sliponia 11 4 3 4 15 16 -1 15
Avenging Altos 11 1 2 8 5 24 -19 5 ELIM
Jeruselem 11 1 0 10 4 20 -16 3 ELIM
[/code:1:eaca6671fd]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem W 5 - 2
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania T 0 - 0
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

The Belmore Family

15-01-2004, 07:38

TBF lose again. Look to next match for qualification

After another shock defeat last night TBF are looking to the next match for a strong comeback. The Belmorians next match will br against 2nd placed Kerla, looking for a win to give them an almost cerain qualification chance. Alan Belmore said exclusivly to The Daily Belmorian
"I have all faith in the team, we have already won 8 games so far, so why not another 3?"

Let's have a look at the team run ins....

[code:1:4a488c2b58]THE BELMORE FAMILY KERLA PAVASIA GOD SQUAD
#74 Kerla #12 The Belmore Family UNR God Squad Pavasia
#70 Pavesia #93 God Squad #12 The Belmore Family Kerla
UNR Blood Devourers UNR Cermainia UNR Ptolomy Vozvyshennost[/code:1:4a488c2b58]

As you can see TBF will have a hard few mathes in the run in for the final but should easily qualify. A win over Kerla should do it.

The current Table:
[code:1:4a488c2b58]Name P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family 11 8 1 2 16 3 13 25
Kerla 11 8 1 2 18 7 11 25
Pavesia 11 6 2 3 20 11 9 20
God Squad 11 6 1 4 19 11 8 19
Vozvyshennost 11 4 2 5 8 15 -7 14
Blood Devourers 11 3 1 7 14 21 -7 10
Cermania 11 1 4 6 8 19 -11 7
Ptolomy 11 1 2 8 8 24 -16 5[/code:1:4a488c2b58]

Rejistania

15-01-2004, 10:03

The rejistanian newspapers didn't report about the unexpected 1-0 win of the Orange-Blues in Giant Zucchini on the next day. That was simply because the newspapers were not published. The whole country was celebrating the victory and returned to normal life slowly on the following day. The rejistanian newspapers published the following headline on their articles about the victory.

The KaMaRi Update, International edition: First-ever qualification after close victory

The Na~ovi National: Orange-Blues trash Giant Zucchini

The KaMaRi Update, rejistanian edition: Kanvali'het mje viki'het'la sanaj

(the following headlines are translated from the several rejistanian languages)

The Sikenian Daily: Orange-Blues are no minnows anymore

The Desnike City News*: World -class form of Hexen'he secures victory - and qualification.

Other interesting reactions:

The website of the RejisFA: You have heard the news already, no need to repeat them

Text of an answering maschine in the Rejistanian Revenue office, in the burreau of Xeseja Su to be exact: The clerk in charge is currently busy scoring goals for the Orange-Blues, please try again after the cup.

*Desnike is the district of KaMaRi where Hades Lavamje (Hades Lavamje=Hanin-Desnike United) is located. Syku Hexen plays for Hades.

Brazillico

15-01-2004, 13:26

Anchor: Let's go down to Roberto Cordoba for some news on the Spaam/Brazillico game. Roberto, are you there?

Roberto: Yes I am and some interesting news is breaking on the potential hosts of the Harmony Cup. Lemmitania has called first dibbs on hosting, followed by Spaam. Commerce Heights is third in line and Brazillico is fourth on the list.

Anchor: How about the Spaam/Brazillico game?

Roberto: I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't watch it. But some Spaamaniac on the street told me it was a damn good game and it ended 3-3. Anyway, Lemmitania moved into second place in the Group 1 and with an easy remaining schedule, it appears they will make it through to the cup. The draw between Brazillico and Spaam means that Spaam maintains its three-point lead over Brazillico in the race for third in Group 5. Meanwhile, Commerce Heights suffered and embarassing loss to the hands of Kingsford 4-0 earlier today.

Anchor: What does this have to do with anything?

Roberto: Well as we all know, teams participating in the World Cup cannot participate or host the Harmony Cup. It's really starting to appear as though Lemmitania is going into shape and will be a fixture for WC11. Spaam will be hard pressed to finish any better than third, so their participation in the World Cup seems to be quite uncertain. Commerce Heights are still looking good in their group and I also expect to see them go through to the cup. That leaves Brazillico, and with their only chance of making it to the World Cup being through beating Spaam for that third-place playoff spot, either Brazillico or Spaam is sure to co-host the Harmony Cup.

Anchor: Ok Roberto... the network pays a truckload of money to send you over to Spaam, give you a classy hotel so you can cover the game. What exactly did you do with the press box tickets the network landed you?

Roberto: Well I scalped my tickets and used the extra money to call up a hooker to my room, because its that damn easy in Spaam! Back to you, Jim!

Halfassedstates

15-01-2004, 14:21

*walks quietly into the room, head hanging slightly*
Hmmm, apologies one and all for my rant yesterday, I kinda had a sh1te dat @ work and was hoping for some happyness with a nice 10-0 win or something :wink: anyho so much for that!

On the N.Ire thing - i knew we won in 82 (had thought it was seville tho :cry: ) b but N.I actually had a semi decent team then (40ish in the world vs 133 or something now!)
Also, N.I should have went 1-0 up against France but had a goal wrongly disallowed for offside before getting 'thumped' :wink:

@WW : I would agree with Audio, some (tho not all) of the absent higher RP'ers are active in anumber of other threads (Ian being an obvious eg) and don't have time to cover everything, but if/when the finals start, you'll see them appear from the woodwork.
I was p1ssed partly becaue Oil have signed up for WC10 + 11 yet haven't RP'ed once (I think htey may have signed up for 12 as well) I just don't understand why folk sign-up but don't even bother to post (even a wahoo we won or something!)
{decides to stop before we end up with another long arguement in the RP thread :wink: }

Ps. Let me know when the cup formerly known as the Harmony cup is going to start!! (Big Butts + HAS may well enter {if allowed})

One Red Dot

15-01-2004, 15:09

The Freedom Times – Evening Edition
ORD Still Out of Reach of Permanent Place

It is a close race to the finish as Morawny, Giant Zucchini, Lanky dude, One Red Dot and Rejistania try to score the victories to secure a place. However, no matter how much these five sides try, a fixed place seems out of reach.

An impressive game at the Giant Zucchini National Stadium left defeat for our green hungry friendly rivals as a 1-0 victory to One Red Dot gave the Wolves more than enough to go drunk at The High Spot till midnight. A 4-0 thrashing also wasn't much of a welcome gift for the Lubistanis when they arrived at Gweridijong City Stadium.

With only 4 four games left, it seems like a struggle for Giant Zucchini to try to finish at least third, as Lanky dude seems determined to undermine all hope.

But on to pleasing news, One Red Dot is set to play its 100th match in Rejistania on the 14th and last day of the qualifiers. Also, One Red Dot seems to stay on second place as there is now a 10 point difference between One Red Dot and 3rd placed Lanky dude.

[code:1:dec630a40e]
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Rejistania 11 10 0 1 20 6 14 30
One Red Dot 11 8 3 0 20 3 17 27
Lanky dude 11 6 2 3 19 8 11 20
Giant Zucchini 11 6 1 4 15 7 8 19
Morawny 11 4 2 5 10 13 -3 14
Peter Panarchy 11 2 1 8 9 25 -16 7
Shonar Bangla 11 2 0 9 7 13 -6 6
Lubistan 11 1 1 9 5 30 -25 4
[/code:1:dec630a40e]

With Lubistan, Shonar Bangla and Peter Panarchy eliminiated and left to fight for pride, only Morawny, Giant Zucchini and Lanky dude have a chance at the cup by going into third place. It seems that One Red Dot and Rejistania are safe at the top it let's hope it stays that way.

Essential World Cup Information

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:dec630a40e]
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 17 7 11

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 8 4 8
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 4 1 3
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 5 2 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 24 14 20
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 1.82
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 19 11 3
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.27
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +17
Average GD -0.11 +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +1.55

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 79 86 97

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 40 44 52
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 17 18 21
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 22 24 24

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 134 148 168
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.73
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 89 100 103
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.06
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +48 +65
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.67

Average Opp. Rank# 20.50 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 ^
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1 1 ^
Lowest Opp. Rank# 30 26 50 52 68 79 50 ^

Pre-Match Rank - 27 30 22 16 29 29 ^

^Ranks are not disclosed due to the refusal of TnUI of revealing any of the rankings to the public.
#Newbie ranks are excluded.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:dec630a40e]

Match Fixtures Day 12~14
12. Lanky dude v One Red Dot @ Lanky dude
13. One Red Dot v Shonar Bangla @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium
14. Rejistania v One Red Dot @ Rejistania

All tickets for the above matches can still be bought at your local ORDOTIX counters. All ticket prices are subject to locale. All matches will be broadcast 'live' on Channel 7.

Antaeus Rising

15-01-2004, 15:20

OOC:
MD12 (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2589694#2589694)
Check the first post ORD ;)

IC:
[code:1:0b0bde2caa]
Group 7
Antaeus Rising 1 Europa Brittania 2
Runaway Moose 1 Akbarland 0
Eaglet 0 SterlingIce 2
Newcuba 2 Stella and E 1

Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose 12 8 4 0 23 7 16 28
Europa Brittania 12 8 3 1 24 7 17 27
SterlingIce 12 6 3 3 14 11 3 21
Antaeus Rising 12 5 4 3 11 9 2 19
Akbarland 12 5 2 5 12 14 -2 17
Newcuba 12 3 2 7 13 19 -6 11
Stella and E 12 3 0 9 8 19 -11 9
Eaglet 12 0 2 10 5 24 -19 2
[/code:1:0b0bde2caa]

The Antaen National Side fell to perennial giants Europa Brittania at home, dropping from the all-important third place playoff spot as SterlingIce defeated whipping boys Eaglet.

[code:1:0b0bde2caa]
MD13 - Group 7
Europa Brittania v Eaglet
Akbarland v Newcuba
SterlingIce v Antaeus Rising
Stella and E v Runaway Moose
MD14 - Group 7
Newcuba v Europa Brittania
Eaglet v Akbarland
Runaway Moose v SterlingIce
Antaeus Rising v Stella and E
[/code:1:0b0bde2caa]

Akbarland aren’t out of the running, playing two easy teams in their final matches. SterlingIce - Antaeus Rising is the crunch match though. We’ll bring you a full preview next month, as well as the match live.

NEWI Cefn Druids

15-01-2004, 16:52

NEWI NEWS

DRUIDS LOSE AGAIN
Trevor Agnew reports from Gesamtkuntswerk on Gesamtkuntswerk 2 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

Nothing much to report from Gesamtkuntswerk today. The result went the way it was expected to, two goals either side of half time beating off a spirited but underperforming Druids side.

The first goal saw Trevor Ieauan, deputising at right back for the suspended Andrew Pearson, easily beaten by <player 7>'s run and shot, which fizzled into the top corner past Allinson's Outstretched right arm.

The second saw a slack pass back into midfield by striker Ellis Mbaka pounced upon by <player 8>, who slipped a through ball between the Druids' central defenders for the perfectly timed run of <player 9>, who lobbed the ball over the onrushing Druids keeper.

That is how it finished, though not for the want of the home team's trying - both posts were struck during the second half, while the Druids were further disadvantaged when Yvan Trevor was sent off in the dying minutes for using foul and abusive language towards the officials.

Another bad day at the office, then, for the Druids, who have just two games to try to capture their elusive first win. Their best chance is probably in their last game when they go to Dual Supporters, a team beaten 6-1 by Bedistan today and also not in the best of form. The only home game left for the Druids is against top of the table Tanah Burung, who thrashed the Druids 4-0 in their first encounter. If the Druids are not careful, then it could be the same again in Cefn.

Final score:
Gesamtkuntswerk 2 ( <player 7> 43, <player 9> 46 )
NEWI Cefn Druids 0 ( Trevor sent off 89 )

Druids team: ( 4-5-1 ) Allinson; Kallins, Ieauan, Yates, Seaton; Simpson, Lee, Trevor, Welsh, James; Mbaka ( Greaves 61 ).

It is also worth mentioning that the recent defeats that the Druids have suffered mean that the record for the number and percentage of draws in a qualifying campaign is also out of reach. Therefore, the Druids have absolutely nothing to play for except a first win. With that in mind, Tanah Burung have been made the shortest odds in NEWI Cefn Druids' bookmakers' history for the match against the Druids, even though it is away. the Crocodiles are 2/13 to be victorious, while the Druids are a massive 30/1. The draw, which has been a popular bet in Cefn City, is priced at 10/1.

Tickets for both matches are sold out.

Halfassedstates

15-01-2004, 17:18

Whogivesa Daily
Sports Section

The day of the underdog helps Halfassed to 2nd!

After the disasterous defeat against Oilermania in thelast game, Jarvis Smith sent out his side knowing that a win was needed to drag Halfassed back into the thick of things at the top of group 9.
Happily for him, he was able to send out an unchanged side (Gunnet having recovered from the dead leg he received in the previous match) that really had a point to prove.
Coming up against a bouyant Kingford side who demolished CH in the previous match, everyone knew Halfassed needed a good start. That was exactly what they got.
After just 3 minutes, Sherwood struck the outside of the post. 5 minutes later, Sherwood fed the ball to Gunnet, but the big man mis-hit the shot and it bounced tamely into the keepers arms.
Then a moment of sheer footballing poetry. Boot (playing her debut as Riddle was suspended) played a great ball down the line. Sherwood got to it just ahead of his marker and back heeled it into the path of Perfect. Perfect hurdled the challenge of the Kingford defender, before advancing towards the box. He had time to look up and saw Soap marked in the middle, but also an unmarked Gunnet heading towards the back post. Perfect delivered a sublime cross that Gunnet met with a diving header and Halfassed were ahead.
The rest of the first half saw an couple of half chances for each side, but nothing of note.
The second half saw Kingford come back into the game. Jennung produced a couple of great stops, and the Kingsford Captain headed straight at the young keeper, when it would have been easier to score. With 15 minutes to go, the referree gave Kingsford a free-kick on the edge of the box after Soap had fouled. The kick was struck well and hit Soap on the edge of the wall. The deflection seemed to have Jennung wrong footed, but somehow he got his left foot to the ball and it ballooned over the bar for a corner. Gunnet could have sealed the win five minutes left, but he somehow managed to hit the top of the bar with a volley from 7 yards out. He did hit the back of the net in the final minute, a long throw from Boot caused a mix-up between the defender and keeper, and Gunnet nipped in to score. The referee had noticed a push by Gunnet on the centre back and disallowed the goal. A Sherwood strike in injury time was also ruled out for offside.*

Final score: HAS 1 KINGS 0
Other scores in the group last night:
[code:1:4172a7447a]
Commerce Heights 1 Oilermania 2
Western pie makers 2 Defari 2
EL CID THE HERO 2 Monkwearmouth 3
[/code:1:4172a7447a]
With every game in the group producing a surprise, the table now sees HAS in an automatic qualification spot for the first time. But with 2 games left and 3 points separateing the top 4, who would bet on what way this group will finish.
[code:1:4172a7447a]
Group 9 Table
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Kingsford 12 7 3 2 16 6 10 24
Halfassedstates 12 6 5 1 16 4 12 23
Commerce Heights 12 6 4 2 20 10 10 22
Defari 12 6 3 3 21 9 12 21
Oilermania 12 5 2 5 12 15 -3 17
Monkwearmouth 12 4 1 7 16 21 -5 13
Western pie makers 12 2 1 9 6 23 -17 7
EL CID THE HERO 12 2 1 9 8 27 -19 7
[/code:1:4172a7447a]

The next games are:
Kings Vs W.P.M.
Oiler Vs El Cid
Defari Vs HAS
Monk Vs C.H.

With the final group matches being:
El Cid Vs Kings
W.P.M. Vs Oiler
C.H. Vs Defari
HAS Vs Monk

Edit to add
*Any vague similarites between events in this report and a certain FA cup reply last night are entirly deliberate. City for the CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eauz

15-01-2004, 20:24

Les Bleus Close to Qualifying

Les Bleus Came home, and gave the home team exactly what they expected posting up 6 goals against The Nation of Avenging Altos. The team seemed pumped after having come out of Lemmitania not having lost, and that energy moved over into this game. With the victory by Eauz and the The 1 - 1 tie between The Weegies and Lemmitania, it places Eauz a full 3 points ahead of Lemmitania. Eauz just needs one more win to officially qualify for the World Cup. If Lemmitania loses or ties the next match, Eauz will officially qualify as top of Group 1 standings. It appears that the race will soon be between Lemmitania and Eauz, with a few others hanging in. Two loses by Eauz, could result in a disaster of not qualifying at all. We will see the next game...

[code:1:d303c6a6e6] Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 12 7 3 2 24 11 13 24
Lemmitania 12 5 6 1 16 6 10 21
Busby 12 4 7 1 16 10 6 19
The Weegies 12 4 7 1 14 8 6 19
Keyshona 12 5 4 3 12 7 5 19
Sliponia 12 5 3 4 17 16 1 18
Avenging Altos 12 1 2 9 6 30 -24 5 ELIM
Jeruselem 12 1 0 11 6 23 -17 3 ELIM
[/code:1:d303c6a6e6]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem W 5 - 2
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania T 0 - 0
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz W 1 - 6
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Audioslavia

15-01-2004, 21:03

'slaves knock four past Ice Reavers
Mattigool upset Big Butts!
Aquilla slip up
good day for the 'slaves then...

Audioslavia hit four past the Ice Reavers in another top-class performance.

Two goals from Ward either side of half time, a header by Bury and a last-minute finish by Willow sent the 'slaves to within two points of Aquilla, who slipped up at home to Lynnwoode and drew 0-0

The 'slaves next game, against Aquilla, could see them go top of the group if they win. However, history is against them as, in three matches, the 'slaves have never beaten Aquilla, and never even scored a goal past them.

[code:1:60eb13ed4a]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 12 10 1 1 25 6 19 31
Audioslavia 12 9 2 1 22 4 18 29
Oddslavo 12 7 4 1 17 5 12 25
Big Butts 12 4 3 5 14 13 1 15
Artemisia Absentia 12 4 2 6 15 21 -6 14
Lynnwoode 12 3 3 6 12 18 -6 12
Ice Reavers 12 2 1 9 9 23 -14 7
Mattigool 12 1 0 11 6 30 -24 3 [/code:1:60eb13ed4a]

Mattigool's got their first ever win in World Cup football today, upsetting Big Butts in a 1-0 win. Oddslavo's 5-1 defeat of Artemsia Absentia helps their GD disadvantage somewhat, but they'll need to win both their last two games to have a realistic chance of getting second spot from the 'slaves.

g'nite b'chaz

Brazillico

15-01-2004, 22:02

Stick a Fork in Them, They're Done
By Rocco Pena

I called it! Back around Matchday 5, I said Brazillico wasn't going to make the World Cup, and as much as it pains me to find joy in my team losing, I can find confort in knowing that I was right.

Last night's 1-1 draw to One Blue Dot showed exactly why Brazillico hasn't been performing as many would like them to. First of all, Brazillico came out more flat than my can of Coke which I left out all afternoon yesterday, they seemed to find they're legs when they scored right before the end of the half to equalize the game at ones. However, in a second half where they dominated ball possession and had countless chances on net, they showed they lacked a certain killer instinct. Was it not for the squandered opportunities and a few fine saves by the Dots' keeper, this game could have easily ended up 5-1 for the Bats.

So Brazillico is out of the cup now. Well not necessarily, I mean they're only 5 points down from 3rd with two matches to go, so a comeback is numerically possible. All they have to do is beat Ravenspire at home, then come back to Brazillico to beat Kaze Progressa. That's not too much to ask is it? Just win two games against teams with a combined record of 18-2-4. As unlikely as it is that Brazillico will even score a point against either of these sides, Brazillico needs to hope that Spaam loses both their games against Group 5 cellar dwellers Exetonia and Belarussian States. Are Brazillico numerically out of it? No. Logically, are they out of it? Yes.

Finishing fourth in this group, although it is unlikely Brazillico will stay there, is quite an accomplishment. However, if we look around the qualifying groups, we find that Brazillico will be hard pressed to be ranked in the Top 50 in the world when it's all said and done.

Grade to Date: C+
Expected Final Grade: C-

Bedistan

15-01-2004, 22:52

BSTV Sports Tonight
with Joey Stanton and Amanda Butt

Joey: Hello everyone, and welcome to BSTV Sports Tonight! I'm Joey Stanton...

Amanda: ...and I'm Amanda Butt. Holy crap, Joey, did you see that match in Dual supporters today?

Joey: Right here on BSTV, of course. Which is good, because nobody from Bedistan was able to get in thanks to the stadium having a seating capacity of two.

Amanda: Well, I'm not sure what our team did before the match, but whatever it was, they need to keep doing it! I have never seen such utter dominance in my life.

Joey: Hehe. Let's roll the highlights.

[highlights roll]

Joey: Third minute, Sanchez with a nice tackle taking it away from the DS forward, he plays it up to Javier Lewey, who hooks in behind the goalie and slams it in! 1-0 Bedistan right out of the gate.

Amanda: And believe me, it didn't stop there. Here, Kucharski plays it out to Heidelberg, who sends it across the pitch out to Darren Morlock. He chips the ball high, and somehow gravity was on his side, as the ball came down and missed the bar by less than an inch as it sailed straight into the goal. 2-0 on nine minutes.

Joey: Then here, the Lions with a slight tactical blunder. Morgan can't quite get the ball away from the guy, he shoots, Oldenburg deflects it, another striker gets onto it, but Saravia takes him down. Saravia gets yellowed and DS get a penalty kick. He goes right, Oldenburg goes left, and the score now 2-1 after twenty minutes.

Amanda: And then immediately after that, the home team pulls the exact same thing! Random Defender #1 takes Morlock down in the box as he's about to shoot. Lewey takes the penalty kick, and the keeper doesn't have a chance. Lions now up 3-1.

Joey: And man, were they pumped or what? If they weren't, I bet they were after this shot -- Karen Neighbors from 40 yards out, she sends it straight through the keeper's legs, and it's four to one going into halftime.

Amanda: At halftime, Barber uses up all three subs -- Heidelberg off for Tracie Paulus, Palin off for Pearlie Tenner, and he takes Lewey out for midfielder Jerome Roose, moving from the 4-3-3 into a 4-4-2.

Joey: But the Lions still weren't done with their prey. Neighbors takes a corner kick in the 62nd, gets it to Morlock, and he just taps it in to give the team their fifth goal for only the second time in their history.

Amanda: But nobody expected the last one. In the dying seconds of the match, the Lions get a free kick for a DS offside penalty. Roose takes the kick, sends it up to Morlock, and on pure impulse he shoots for goal and puts it in to give the Lions their sixth and final goal of the match.

Joey: Oh, the celebrating that must have gone on afterward.

Amanda: Indeed. Dual supporters did not stand a chance. This momentum will be really important going into the crucial last two qualifying matches, against Creedence Clearwater and Gesamtkuntswerk.

Joey: For Amanda Butt and BSTV, I'm Joey Stanton, saying goodnight, everybody.

[code:1:0e0bd782e3]Bedistan 6 (Lewey 3, pen 24; Morlock 9, 62, 91; Neighbors 39)
Dual supporters 1 (<player> pen 20)[/code:1:0e0bd782e3]

15-01-2004, 23:50

WARRIORS FALL JUST SHORT IN BID FOR MONUMENTAL UPSET

The Praying2God Warriors almost pulled off one of the all-time greatest upsets in World Cup history in their game at Liverpool England. LE, which came into the game unbeaten in qualifying suffered a tremendous let down at home. The Warriors came out looking for blood after being demolished 0-3 at home by LE earlier in qualifying. Most of the game was contested in the midfield area, with each team managing a few opportunities. Both goalies played admirably, making saves on the few opportunities the other team managed. However, in stoppage time at the end of the game, LE was awarded a penalty shot on a questionable call by the referee. The ref soon made an even more questionable call, as he blew the whistle to end the game at about the same time as the ball crossed the goal line. After a good fifteen minutes of discussion between the referee and the linesman, the goal was allowed to stand, giving the Warriors yet another heartbreaking defeat.

WARRIORS MISSING IN BATTLE AT HOME

The Praying2God Warriors seemed to not show up for their game against Pablicosta played before a packed house at the House of Prayer. The result was a humiliating 0-2 defeat that dropped the Warriors into last place in their group with only two matches to play. The frustration could easily be heard in Praying2God Head Coach Jesus Christ's voice at the post-match press conference. The Warriors hope to get the ship righted in time for their last two matches of their debut in the World Cup.

Iansisle

16-01-2004, 01:24

From page 7D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune

Apparently, There's A World Cup On
But if you were to tour the Shield, you'd never guess it

Jamie C. Peters
SuperIans Correspondent

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- Public relations are fickle, as Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick at the rest of the Underministry of Sports, Games, and Recreation have come to realize over the last few months. Far from the huge outcry of public support during the SuperCup, when the Ians were toted as equal to the Gulls and Longshoremen in terms of popularity, the Iansislean public has almost completely stopped following the SuperIans' World Cup campaign.

It could perhaps be attributed to their mediocre performance, which wasn't quite bad enough to draw condemnation nor good enough to draw commendation. The explosive energy head coach David Westmore had cultivated during the SuperIans drive to the SuperCup has totally vanished, and the team's current performance was best described by a die-hard fan as 'lackadaisical.'

Take yesterday's game against Beestings, for example. It was played in Upper Mansford, Iansisle, against a team many had not heard of. Only 6,355 showed up to the match, and the SuperIans answered their apathy with a dash of their own. Conrad Brandt, John Copplestone, and Benny Answorth were to only starters on the field at the coin toss, and Copplestone and Answorth were pulled after a an early goal by Ventura.

Westmore claims that he was holding back his best players for when the SuperIans venture to Liverpool England for their next to last match, but his optimism seems misplaced at best and idiotic at worst. Despite the fact that Iansisle would need to win both its remaining games, including what would amount to Liverpool England's first defeat of the World Cup, while Anti-Nazis or the Lowland Clans lose one and tie one, Westmore appeared calm and confident.

"We almost didn't lose to them last time," grinned Westmore, "and I think we're ready now. It's do or die time, and I've seen wounded tigers with less get-up-and-fight than my players right now." This proclaimed enthusiasm wasn't witnessed by any members of the press, for Westmore insisted that the players needed "time to rest up."

This reporter would love to close up his back-page article with a quote about how the entire Iansislean world waits on the report from the upcoming show-down, but it simply wouldn't appear to be true.

((wouldn't you know it? I get more time on my hands just in time to watch myself be eliminated :P))

Oglethorpia

16-01-2004, 04:49

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Lead lengthened
Oglethorpia leads group 2 by six points

By Bill Christmas

NASTIC 2 (BT) -- NASTIC 2 seemed the favored side going into the match vs. Oglethorpia -- having already beaten the Wonderteam 1-nil in an away match, now with the home side advantage. A resilient Wonderteam was not daunted, the 2nd ranked side playing the finest defense of all World Cup 11 qualifying against an opponent who had secured the only win vs. Oglethorpia. Yamamoto-san in goal truly was 'in-the-zone:' so much so that he refused to talk with the three defenders that also made up the Wonderteam's backfield.

An uncoordinated offense wouldn't take advantage of the solid Oglethorpian defense, however, Jorge White, Torrence Black and Kirk Calhoun all struggling to make something happen vs. NASTIC 2 -- drastically different from the quick, mobile offense against Gmlac that scored 5 goals in the match's 90 minutes.

Torrence Black nearly put in the Wonderteam's first goal in the 36th minute, dribbling it nearly past the goalkeeper. Tripping Black, Goalkeeper Goonie #1 snatched the ball from right underneath the fallen striker's feet -- Black later given the yellow for the tangle up with the keeper.

"He got in my way," said Black, disgusted at getting the yellow. "It wasn't the other way around."

Besides the Wonderteam's near goal in the 36th, the nil-nil match would go to halftime with nothing worthy of note from the 36th to half.

"For being 30-something ranked," said coach Picciotto, "they're playing a fine match of futebol. I've got to say, though, their fans don't look all too interested in the match going on."

Indeed. Wonderteam fans seem the most fanatic of the bunch that makes up group 2.

NASTIC 2 taking the kickoff, Striker Goonie #2 would weave the Oglethorpian defense, every Wonderteam fan seemingly creeping up at what seemed like an iminent goal -- Striker Goonie #2 got the shot off right outside the goalie's box, and in desperation a falling Yamamoto-san would tip the ball up. For what seemed like an eternity, it seemed that the ball would still hit the back of the net -- lucky bounce off the crossbar averted disaster for the Wonderteam.

It was not till the 70th that Oglethorpia made it's attempt to secure it's three points on matchday 12. As Torrence Black likes to put it, "our rightful 3 points."

Just inside midfield, Floyd Black's throw in would be headed by Jorge White, to Kirk Calhoun, to a waiting Torrence Black -- who's bicycle kick would soar over the head of Goalkeeper Goonie #1 and hit the back of the net, a roarous cheer from the massive Wonderteam crowd erupting with the goal. The 70th minute marked Oglethorpia's 1-nil lead over NASTIC 2.

A conservative defense put Jorge White from forward back to midfield, in feirce protection of the Wonderteam's 1-nil win, and with the final whistle Oglethorpia would take away a 1-nil victory giving them another solid three points up on second place in group 2.

Said team captain Fernando Green, "everyone played a good game out there -- especially Torrence with that crazy kick. It was a hard fought match, and i'm glad he was able to come through for us."

Torrence Black too was surprised by the goal. "That was my first bicycle kick ever. Pretty lucky, i'd say."

Luck or not, everyone's happy to take away a win. "Take 'em however you get them," said coach Picciotto.

Straight from the horse- from Guy Picciotto.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 1 (T. Black 70th)
NASTIC 2 - 0

---

Picciotto sues Christmas
Picciotto seeks 500 million in damages in libel suit against Bill Christmas

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In the strangest headline of the week, Oglethorpian Wonderteam coach and Megalopolis City FC manager Guy Picciotto is suing Bill Christmas for 500 million Amazing Credits in damages after Christmas referred to Picciotto as a horse, and that he was speaking in the manner of one. When one reporter pointed out the headline "Picciotto sues Christmas" as humorous, Picciotto only replied "that's not funny." Alas, there is no Christmas in Oglethorpia.*

The libel suit against Christmas marks the second odd court case during the duration of a World Cup that a citizen from Oglethorpia has been a part of, harking back to the days of the 'Black-White' or 'Mike-Mike' case, which was later thrown out by a judge in a Ravenspiran court of law.

"We'll see what happens," says Picciotto. "That'll teach that smart-ass writer."

Note*: Oglethorpia has "National Day of Gift Giving" instead of "Christmas." It's tied to no religion. Oh, how the government has cleverly seperated church and skate- state.

Rejistania

16-01-2004, 07:46

We are listening to Radio RejisCAST, the only english-speaking radio station in Rejistania:

Hejida listeners, I am Idine Sala, you are listening to 'live from the leagues'. Here in the studio is economist Sukan Ha~e. Hejida Sukan.

Hejida Idine!

The Orange-Blues have defeated Morawny today 2-0. One goal was scored by Xeseja Su, one by a Morawn. By this the Orange-Blues became the best team in qualification. *short pause*
But I have heard, that you don't like it?

Yes, this is correct. It is poison for our country.

Please explain why you have this strange opinion!

Well, when people are on the streeets and celebrate the latest victory, they don't work. If they don't work, the GNP drops, and the economy suffers. If you take this into account, the qualification was the worst thing, that could happen.

There are also countries, which have a good soccer team and a good economy.

They are not as fanatic as our country! I have never seen people dance on the street and shout 5-0 in... well Commerce Heights.

5-0 was not a victory of the Orange-Blues, that was when Hetaki trashed Sike.

Was it? Well, you see how bad sports and especially soccer is for our nation. This was also an example.

But without sports, the country surely would dissolve into hundreds of small regions. Many sociologists have the opinion, that international sport is the only thing that keeps our country united.

Well, the region and tribe concept is surely as bad for our economy.

There would not be a thing like 'our economy' anymore in that case!

You see, our country must modernize drastically!

Even as economist, you should not judge our country only by its economy. The things, that symbolize our country and make it special are not economic figures but the diversity of our people, our culture and our national teams!

Well,... ok,... ahem... Stop this broadcast! I have to leave!

*You hear that Idine is close to laugh out loud* Ok, thank you for being here. Now we make a short break for the news.

*Sukan is heard over the jingle of the news, he said: "Please tell me this was not live!"*

Giant Zucchini

16-01-2004, 08:05

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini's chances of qualifying look slimmer than ever, after failing to clinch an automatic spot. They now lie in 4th place, 1 point adrift of Lanky Dude, whom they will have to catch up with if they are to have any chance of qualification. More news as it happens.

OOC: Sorry, was away on holiday.

The Lowland Clans

16-01-2004, 10:32

ASNN - Cockbill Street sends Stars Running for Cover
Jock Mcfuutbaal

GRAHAM CITY - The Aliied States were in for a shock this morning when the results for the Cockbill Street came in: 4 - 1 loss. Shcoked and dismayed by the result, Lord Mackintosh hotly contested that lax training regimens were the result for the loss.

"The boys got a well deserved rest between the Iansisle and Cockbill Street. The only thing responsible for the loss was the overwhelming luck in their favor, nothing more, nothing less." said Mackintosh after the game.

TLC Stars 1 - 4 Cockbill Street
Jones (12)

Liverpool England

16-01-2004, 10:43

Anti Nazis 1 Liverpool England 1, as Oddslavo win 5-1

AN 1
LE 1 (Christopher 5)

Howard Christopher catapulted the ex-champs into the lead after 5 minutes with a scrambled goal, but competent defending led to an immediate equaliser for the Anti-Nazian team. Meanwhile, Oddslavo managed to boost their goal difference in the tight Group 11 with an amazing 5-1 win, captain Jeremy Anthon scoring four of the goals.

Giant Zucchini

16-01-2004, 12:30

NEWSFLASH:

The Giant Zucchini Sports Council has declared a state of emergency after the National team drew 2-2 against rank outsiders Shonar Bangla. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "Now, we cannot even clinch an automatic qualification spot. We are ranked 2nd in the World, con-sarn it..."

16-01-2004, 12:53

OCC : Just a quick note - as its unlikly that i will get back on-line to-day and as usual wont be able to over the weekend, I would just like to say good luck one and all for the last 2 games.

Seeyaz on Monday!

Antaeus Rising

16-01-2004, 13:30

Welcome footballing fans everywhere. Today is the day, the match. SterlingIce vs Antaeus Rising for what will most likely be third place in a tough group. Let's take a look at the table.

[code:1:cdbe412050]
Group 7
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose 12 8 4 0 23 7 16 28
Europa Brittania 12 8 3 1 24 7 17 27
--------------------------------------------------------
SterlingIce 12 6 3 3 14 11 3 21
--------------------------------------------------------
Antaeus Rising 12 5 4 3 11 9 2 19
Akbarland 12 5 2 5 12 14 -2 17
Newcuba 12 3 2 7 13 19 -6 11
Stella and E 12 3 0 9 8 19 -11 9
Eaglet 12 0 2 10 5 24 -19 2
[/code:1:cdbe412050]

Well it's quite clear what we have to do, but we have another 20 minutes before the game starts so let's ask our panel what they think.

The Antaens really need to win this one. If they don't it's all over.

They donae stand a chance away from home.

I think the best they can hope for today is a draw.

Can't we just have adverts for 20 minutes?

***ADVERTS***

Antaeus Rising

16-01-2004, 14:12

It's finally here. Live coverage of the SterlingIce match. No more procrastinating. We also have a man at the Akbarland match, who will be giving us regular updates on things happening over there. So now finally over to the match...after a word from our sponsors.

***ADVERTS***

Antaeus Rising

16-01-2004, 14:23

Welcome to SterlingIces Home Arena, in what promises to be a gritty battle between two side desperate to get that playoff place. Here's how the Antaens line up.

[code:1:281c2a6c65]
Michaels
Jenkins Willis
Jones Wood
Denkin Jordan
Miles Calder
Williams Day
[/code:1:281c2a6c65]

4 Regulars missing from the starting line up. 3 out because of injury. 1 suspended. Day is the fourth choice forward in the squad, and many are surprised to see him in the starting 11 today, but Coach Wilson Wilson defended his decision in the press conference held yesterday stating that Day had been on form in practice, and also that he had a good feeling about it. Of course its his own head on the chopping block if he is wrong.

The match is just about to get underway with the Antaens losing the toss. Not a good sign the Antaens lost the toss in their 3 losses in this group.

[03:20]
Jordan has the ball, he passes it back to Willis, along to Jones, back up to Denkin. The Antaens are just passing the ball about trying to get the lay of the land so to speak.

[09:43]
Quick counterattack by the Antaens leave the Ices playing catch-up. 3 on 3. Day can pass out to Calder who is running along side him, or over to Williams who has a defender with him. He opts for Calder who runs with the ball down the wing. The cross comes in, but it's sloppy and easily cleared.

[12:57]
We just received word that Akbarland have scored against Newcuba, lets cross over to Gareth Brooks.

Yep, they were promising from the get-go. Akbarland are dominating poor Newcuba, they have already had two good chances, one denied by the woodwork the other a few inches over the crossbar. If they keep going at this rate they could make it 6 or 7 by fulltime. Akbarland 1 Newcuba 0.

[21:08]
Well after the initial excitement we have a lull in the storm. Not much happen...And as soon as I say it we have the Ice using a long ball up to the right wing. Completely catching Woods out. Willis rushing over, trying to stop the cross, but he's too late. In it comes, nooooooo. What could be a critical blow for the Antaens, the Ice have gone up by a goal to nil in the 22nd minute. Lovely skill shown by the defender with the long ball, it all came together, and that is why the Ice have managed to claw their way up to third.

[33:33]
The Antaens unable to reply so far...Let's cross over to Gareth for more news.

More news, yes indeedy. Akbarland still dominating play. Newcuba are unable to put together any attacking playing and have substituted a forward for a defender, probably a wise idea. Although having said that it didn't help when Akbarland scored a second goal, much the same as the first...and Akbarland are putting together another move. ***CHEER*** They've just scored another. I'm gonna stick with my prediction of 6 or 7 goals. Akbarland 3 Newcuba 0.

[45:00 + 1:02]
Injury Time in the first half, the Antaens looking dejected, coming into this match they had lost their last two games two one, both at home. This demoralized the team, but if they don't pick themselves up for the second half they would get a shot at the finals.

Half Time Scores:[code:1:281c2a6c65]
Group 7
Europa Brittania 1 Eaglet 1
Akbarland 3 Newcuba 0
SterlingIce 1 Antaeus Rising 0
Stella and E 0 Runaway Moose 1
[/code:1:281c2a6c65]
Half Time Tables:[code:1:281c2a6c65]
Group 7
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose 13 9 4 0 24 7 17 31
Europa Brittania 13 8 4 1 25 8 17 28
--------------------------------------------------------
SterlingIce 13 7 3 3 15 11 4 24
--------------------------------------------------------
Akbarland 13 6 2 5 15 14 1 20
Antaeus Rising 13 5 4 4 11 10 1 19
Newcuba 13 3 2 8 13 22 -9 11
Stella and E 13 3 0 10 8 20 -12 9
Eaglet 13 0 3 10 6 25 -19 3
[/code:1:281c2a6c65]

SterlingIce have third place locked up unless the Anteans can turn the match around. Join us for the final 45 minutes after these adverts.

***ADVERTS***

Antaeus Rising

16-01-2004, 14:56

[67:40]
The Antaens are throwing everything forward for that vital goal they need to stop the Ice from securing third place. It would seem as though they have slapped Lady Luck in the face as they miss chance after chance.

[79:52]
Still unable to get off the mark the Antaens look frustrated. Wilson Wilson bringing on his final sub. The Antaens switching to a 4-3-3.

[code:1:6e919a2628]
Michaels
Jenkins Willis
Smith Wood
Pelo
Miles Calder
Lee Williams Day
[/code:1:6e919a2628]

[83:09]
Let’s crossover quickly to the Gareth for another update.

Marvelous. Akbarland scored again making the score four nil. They had looked to be on course for six during the first half, but the Cubans came out gunning for them in the second half. With nothing to lose they stopped the Akbarlanders from getting any more by changing their style of play to be more attacking. This has however left them vulnerable to at the back as was just shown. With only 5 minutes to go it’s Akbarland 4, Newcuba 0.

[86:24]
Lee making a run down the wing, he passes inside to Williams, who passes back to Lee. Miles makes a run down the outside of the wing, taking the defender with him which gives Lee enough space to get a cross in. Day and Williams are both running towards the box as the ball comes flying in. Day is tripped by a defender, though it looks accidentally. Not that that matters much as the ref is pointing to the spot. Day is gonna take the penalty, he puts it on the spot. He’s got to get this in otherwise it’s all over Antaeus. Will the young man crack under the enormous pressure? *holds his breath* He kicks it, the keeper gets a hand to it and it bounces off the woodwork and back out, Day runs up to it and chips it in the top left hand corner. One all!

[90:00 + 2:13]
SterlingIce seem content to just play the remaining minutes out for a draw. The ref looks at his watch and blows the whistle, it’s all over. The Antaens needed a win, but will have to settle for a draw.

Scores:[code:1:6e919a2628]
Group 7
Europa Brittania 2 Eaglet 2
Akbarland 4 Newcuba 0
SterlingIce 1 Antaeus Rising 1
Stella and E 0 Runaway Moose 4
[/code:1:6e919a2628]
Tables:[code:1:6e919a2628]
Group 7
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose 13 9 4 0 27 7 20 31
Europa Brittania 13 8 4 1 26 9 17 28
--------------------------------------------------------
SterlingIce 13 6 4 3 15 12 3 22
--------------------------------------------------------
Akbarland 13 6 2 5 16 14 2 20
Antaeus Rising 13 5 5 3 12 10 2 20
Newcuba 13 3 2 8 13 23 -10 11
Stella and E 13 3 0 10 8 23 -15 9
Eaglet 13 0 3 10 7 26 -19 3
[/code:1:6e919a2628]

Join us in two weeks to see if the Antaens can steal third place from SterlingIce. Goodnight.

Cockbill Street

16-01-2004, 16:30

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Opponents Refuse To Believe They Were Beaten
Coach Claims We Had Luck

What a game. What a brilliant performance - the first such by the Cockbill Street team in this qualifying series.

We had almost lost hope after some very poor games in the past - where the 1-1 draw in the last round against newcomers and total abysmals Beestings topped it all. Yet the team came out as new in the away match in The Lowland Clans, and created many chances. The evident thing was that the team seemed to ignore superstar Harald, choosing to put more passes through the left wing and central midfield.

An early setback through Jones's goal did not deter the Streeters. Only five minutes later, a splendid cross from Ian Olsen set up the first goal, as Chris Brashear came in from the far post and forced in the equaliser with his knee. Not the most beautiful of goals, but Thomas Lehrer's 2-1 goal in the 33rd was. A long shot from 18 yards, after a dribble through the whole central defense, stunned the keeper and everybody else, and made the keeper despair.

The Lowlanders knew they had to score goals, and disintegrated in the process. Harald Axewielder was left to round off the game with two good goals in the dying fifteen minutes of the game, but the fact remains that he did not play up to his former standards. Luckily, the team managed to lift themselves above that to a world class performance.

A major footballing figure of the Lowland Clans, Lord Mackintosh, "The boys got a well deserved rest between the Iansisle and Cockbill Street. The only thing responsible for the loss was the overwhelming luck in their favor, nothing more, nothing less." said Mackintosh after the game. Obviously, the poor bloke is either mentally deluded or did not watch the game. Cockbill Street dominated for most of the first half, and in the second the Lowlanders have only themselves to thank - their gung-ho attitude was very much wasted in this game.

Cockbill Street

16-01-2004, 16:30

Move along please.

Snub Nose 38

16-01-2004, 17:43

*we find ourselves in the penthouse office suite of the ministry of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister is supervising the moving men who are packing stuff up for the move to the mansion on what is once again the ministers' estate. well, he thinks he's supervising. they think he's annoying. margaret, in burgundy robes and midnight blue hooded cape, is humming a little tune and tossing things into a box. there goes a very dilapidated rubber chicken! the radio is blaring - the workmen turned it up in an attempt to drown out the ministers' "directions". he just got louder. suddenly, the minister stops dead in his tracks.*

- Margaret! Did you hear that?
- What?
- Did you hear that?
- What? Did I hear what?
- The radio.
- I hear the radio. What about it?
- It's live coverage of an Antaeus Rising qualifying match.
- Yeah, so? You've got the thing tuned to an Antaeus Rising station - what did you expect them to cover?
- Well...it's tomorrows match.
- ...
- Yes, you heard me correctly. Tomorrows match. Matchday 13.
- But...it isn't tomorrow yet. It's today.
- Margaret - it's always today.
- Oh...yes, that's right. But...then...
- Exactly.
- Well...perhaps they've used Oglethorpian Time Travel Technology to travel into the future so they can report the match.
- Oglethorpian what?
- Time Travel Technology. Oglethorpia developed Time Travel to bring the Oglethorpian 1900 side into the future to compete in current World Cups.
- ...?
- Don't you read the papers? Chief Academician Albert Onestone put out a press release at the time - some concerns about the lasting effects, or whatever.
- I vaguely remember something. I don't pay much attention to Albert - I can never understand what he's on about.
- Well, the fact that you're an uneducated illiterate idiot aside, the only way I can figure Antaeus Rising can be reporting tomorrows match today is by using Oglethorpian Time Travel Technology.

*our head is beginning to hurt from all this, and we skip out before it develops into a migraine.*

16-01-2004, 18:38

*** Breaking News ***

***CONSPIRACY ALIVE AND WELL***

***Outside Force Interfering With World Cup?***

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–Government officials have just sensationally announced that the conspiracy slowly being revealed by master football criminal Carlos Contramistic (A.k.a. “Carlos the Chimp”), is alive and well. An outside force is interfering with the current World Cup, co-hosted by Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards. Officials have revealed that someone or something has meddled with the official match matrix, which organises matches for the competition. As a result, half of matchday 13 games have been played prematurely.

The crisis broke earlier today with reports from Antaeus Rising in Group 7, where matches have apparently been completed ahead of schedule. This prompted officials to look into the official cup palantir, which the Sports Ministry of Warnocks Wizards has been using to look in on and report the results of World Cup matches. When they looked into the palantir this morning, they were shocked to discover of the premature completion of the matches in the odd groups.

Chairman of the Warnocks Wizards Football Federation, Globmazh the Mean had the following to say on the issue: “We at the Football Federation have invited the Ministry of Police to become involved in the investigation. At this time, it’s clear that someone or something is behind this near catastrophe. They have clearly tried to hijack the match matrix, to what end we do not know. Fortunately, we have been able to stabilise things for the near future. We and our counterparts at Total n Utter Insanity will release reports of match finals when we have them. That is all we have to say at this time.”

***Breaking News***

***Ready for Immediate Distribution***

Snub Nose 38

16-01-2004, 18:42

*** Breaking News ***
***CONSPIRACY ALIVE AND WELL***
***Outside Force Interfering With World Cup?***

...interesting and well written RP of the "situation"...
***Breaking News***
***Ready for Immediate Distribution***

*chuckle. chortle. guffaw. hearty laughter*

16-01-2004, 19:04

This is to inform you that Matchday 13 Results and Tables for Odd-numbered Groups (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2595940&highlight=#2595940) have now been posted.

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

16-01-2004, 21:08

"...because you can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

And it's sporting news, Sliponia's World Cup soccer team, despite having a record that isn't the "prettiest", haven't been officially eliminated from competition with their 1-0 over The Weegies. When asked about the victory, Coach Bob Gansler had this to say:

'Hey, as long as we're getting points, we're keeping our heads above the water and avoiding elimination. This will be a major landmark if we qualify this year!'

More news following the Friday Night Fight here on WSLP."

Audioslavia

16-01-2004, 22:43

Audioslavia dissapoint at home
Aquilla hold 'slaves to a draw

Audioslavia played host to the Aquillans today knowing that a win would see them top the group. That first position seemed to be within their sights as Willow raced onto a cross in the 10th minute and fired the 'slaves into the lead, inducing the biggest roar heard at the Cornellby stadium in some time.

The lead lasted well beyond half-time, but was squandered after a miss-hit clearance by the goalkeeper gave the ball back to the Aquillans in a dangerous position. Aquilla forced three corner-kicks in quick succession before finally putting the ball past Pedder.

Final Score

Audioslavia 1 (Willow 10)
Aquilla 1 (some dude, 76)

[code:1:e0451623a9]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 13 10 2 1 26 7 19 32
Audioslavia 13 9 3 1 23 5 18 30
Oddslavo 13 8 4 1 19 6 13 28
Artemisia Absentia 13 5 2 6 20 23 -3 17
Big Butts 13 4 3 6 15 15 0 15
Lynnwoode 13 4 3 6 14 19 -5 15
Ice Reavers 13 2 1 10 10 25 -15 7
Mattigool 13 1 0 12 8 35 -27 3 [/code:1:e0451623a9]

Oddslavo's narrow win over Big Butts keeps the pressure on Audioslavia going into their final game, also against Big Butts. If the 'slaves get beaten, an Oddslavan win against Aquilla would put them through to the world cup finals at Audioslavia's expense. The 'slaves would then be put in a potentially bad playoff against another 3rd placed side.

Should the 'slaves draw, Oddslavo would need to hit five goals past Aquilla to qualify. Interestingly, if Aquilla were to fail to beat Oddslavo and Audioslavia defeat big-butts by more than one goal, the 'slaves would finish top of group 11, knocking Aquilla off the top spot for the first ever time this season.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Eauz

17-01-2004, 00:03

Eauz Qualifies!

In the 2nd last match of Qualifying round, Les Bleus drew a 1 - 1 tie at Keyshona. Les Bleus had hoped they could bring out a win and qualify for 1st place in the group, but the spirit ran out last game. The coach said "Our team looked good out there, but I think we used up all our energy in the last game where we brought out 6 goals, which suprised me." The coach was also hoping to get a win so he could play his reserves in their last game, but to get 1st place, he will be playing his main players anyways. Les Bleus are expecting a win in the next match, for they won 4 - 2 against Sliponia. A win by Les Eauz against them, could eliminate Sliponia, and help Lemmitania qualify also.

[code:1:542c82532f]
Group 1
Eauz Qualified
Lemmitania Qualified or 3rd
Sliponia Qualified, 3rd, or eliminated
Keyshona 3rd at best
Busby 3rd at best
The Weegies 3rd at best
Avenging Altos eliminated
Jeruselem eliminated
[/code:1:542c82532f]

[code:1:542c82532f]
Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Eauz 13 7 4 2 25 12 13 25
Lemmitania 13 6 6 1 18 7 11 24
Sliponia 13 6 3 4 18 16 2 21
Keyshona 13 5 5 3 13 8 5 20
Busby 13 4 7 2 17 12 5 19
The Weegies 13 4 7 2 14 9 5 19
Avenging Altos 13 2 2 9 8 31 -23 8
Jeruselem 13 1 0 12 7 25 -18 3
[/code:1:542c82532f]

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem W 5 - 2
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania T 0 - 0
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz W 1 - 6
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona T 1 - 1
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Lemmitania

17-01-2004, 02:47

Live from Lemco City, this is Clem Gilson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, continuing coverage of the qualifying matches for the eleventh World Cup of football, as your Lemmitania Lemmings take on Busby in the penultimate match of the qualifiers. It’s been several long, hard months for the defending champs, and they’re yet to assure themselves of a place in the Cup. With two matches remaining, group one remains wide open, with every ranked team in striking distance of the first two places, and no one having clinched a berth. It’s thirty minutes to kickoff, and joining me in the booth are your usual commentators, Lana Maelstrom and Lemmy Meisterbrau, as well as special home-match correspondent, the hideous Giant Evil Maleficus the spider. Lana, Lemmy, welcome to the broadcast. Maleficus, I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do to get rid of you.

Lana: Thanks, Clem.

Lemmy: Peace, man.

Maleficus: No, I don’t suppose there is.

Clem: No, because having giant maneating spiders in the booth is just the way things are done around here these days.

Maleficus: We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.

Clem: Giant, evil, and queer, eh?

Maleficus: You had better believe it, Dubious Clem.

Clem: I’m not dubious about that.

Maleficus: I did not mean to imply that you were. That is simply your title.

Clem: Right, right. Giant, evil, and queer. That’s an interesting combination.

Maleficus: Most male Giant Evil Spiders seek other males as life partners. It is because females make poor bedfellows.

Lana: Do they, now?

Clem: This sounds like it’s getting into more about Giant Evil Spider sexual practices than I want to know.

Maleficus: In that they try to devour you after mating.

Clem: I thought that was just Black Widows.

Maleficus: All Giant Evil female Spiders wish to be widows.

Lana: Why?

Maleficus: It is a religious thing.

Clem: So if you’re mostly all gay, doesn’t that affect your population growth?

Maleficus: There are two answers to this question, Dean Clem. First, many of us mate for the purpose of passing along our genetic materials.

Lana: That sounds kinda barbaric.

Maleficus: There is nothing barbaric about wanting to be a father, edible Lana.

Lana: Please don’t call me that. And I meant that leavin’ your poor mate barefoot an’ pregnant with a ‘ole passel o’ Giant Evil tots is pretty barbaric.

Maleficus: Perhaps you were not present when I explained that after mating, the Giant Evil female tries to devour the male.

Lana: Wull, no wonder, considerin’ your attitude. Anyroad, I’m sure that’s jus’ the excitement of the moment gettin’ to ‘er.

Maleficus: In Dire Arachnia, there is a whole service industry built around the capture and culinary preparation of males after the mating act.

Clem: Ugh.

Lana: Huh. In’erestin’ concept.

Maleficus: Your morbid curiosity about the matter makes you sound like a female.

Lana: I am a female!

Maleficus: Oh. My mistake. How can you tell?

Clem: You have to be a puny human.

Maleficus: Evidently.

Lana: I’ve tol’ you before that I’m a female, Maleficus.

Maleficus: I apologize, edible Lana. All you food products look very similar to me.

Lana: Yeh, wull, considerin’ I tol’ you before that I’m a woman, you might’ve remembered it.

Clem: Could you maybe not call us ‘food products,’ Maleficus?

Maleficus: Oh, did I do that? I apologize, that was a slip of the mandible. But to return to the point I was making: many males choose to mate in order to experience the joy of spawning progeny, and this helps keep the population from dying out. And additionally, a typical brood consists of thousands of Giant Evil babies.

Clem: Holy crap! You’re kidding.

Lana: Ain’t you ever seen wot it looks like when a bunch o’ spiders ‘atch, Clem? They come poppin’ outa the egg sack like a cloud o’ mushroom spores.

Maleficus: An apt description. Except that in the case of Dire Arachnids, that would be Giant Evil mushroom spores.

Clem: So how ‘giant’ is a Giant Evil baby, then?

Maleficus: About the size of a football.

Clem: Man! Thousands of football-sized spiders come popping out? That’s not a pleasant thought.

Maleficus: Whie birth is a miraculous process, it is not pretty to observe.

Clem: And then what do they do? Mama catches them all in a net or something? Or they all just run wild and wreak Giant Evil havoc?

Maleficus: For the most part, they eat. They are ravenous at hatching.

Clem: So in other words, puny humans wouldn’t want to be observing this process.

Maleficus: It is not as dangeroous as it sounds. The brood mostly devour one another.

Clem: Ugh!

Lana: The babies eat each other!?

Maleficus: In Dire Arachnia, this is known informally as the ‘sudden-death tournament of Birth.’

Lana: O Bejeezus! And the mum jus’ let’s ‘em go at it?

Maleficus: She encourages the more able-bodied to feast upon all those they can catch.

Lana: ...So when you were born, the firs’ thing you did was gobble up a bunch of your poor siblings?

Maleficus: That is correct.

Lana: That’s truly ‘orrible.

Clem: Doesn’t eating your siblings scar you emotionally for life?

Maleficus: That is open for debate, Dean Dubious. Some Giant Evil psychologists have suggested that this is the root of our evil.

Clem: Fratricidal cannibalism the root of evil? Hmm. Interesting theory.

Maleficus: You sound dubious when you say that.

Clem: That’s not dubiousness, it’s sarcasm.

Maleficus: In that case, you might wish to keep in mind that we devour our siblings on the day of our birth.

Clem: So, what, it doesn’t count ‘cause it’s your birthday?

Maleficus: We are young and unformed! Do you remember the day of your birth?

Clem: Of course not.

Maleficus: And neither do I remember mine.

Clem: Ohhh... I see your point. You don’t feel emotionally scarred because you don’t remember eating your siblings.

Maleficus: Precisely.

Clem: But some Giant Evil psychologists hold that it’s the reason you’re evil, eh?

Maleficus: The theory is that we internalize an unremitting guilt which we carry with us for he rest of our lives, making us Evil.

Clem: But you don’t hold with that, I take it?

Maleficus: I am undecided.

Clem: Yeah, me too.

Maleficus: That is why you are--

Clem: Dubious Clem. Sure sure. Other than eating humans, what sorts of evil things do you Dire Arachnids do, anyway?

Maleficus: Oh, all sorts of things.

Clem: Such as...?

Maleficus: We are cruel to bunnies.

Clem: Are you, now? What kinds of things do you do to them?

Maleficus: We collect them in laboratories and perform hideous experiments on them.

Clem: Like prying their eyes open and dripping chemicals into them?

Maleficus: Good Hera, no! Nothing that hideous. Who would do such a horrid thing to a cute little bunny?

Clem: Humans do that. So what kinds of experiments do you perform on the bunnies?

Maleficus: We test greeting-card slogans on them.

Clem: What, like, by reading them?

Maleficus: Yes, specially-trained Giant Evil lab technicians read experimental greeting-card messages aloud to the bunnies and record the results.

Clem: What would be the point? Bunnies can’t understand what you’re saying to them.

Maleficus: What is the point of dripping chemicals into their eyes?

Clem: I have no idea.

Maleficus: Anyway, these bunnies can understand.

Clem: So they can talk?

Maleficus: No. But they understand nonetheless.

Clem: How can you tell they understand you if they can’t talk?

Malficus: Trust me, Dean Dubious. We can tell. If you saw one of these bunnies... the way they look at you... it’s creepy.

Clem: Seeing a giant spider shudder is creepy. Come to think of it, everything about you is creepy.

Maleficus: Thank you.

Clem: So what kind of special bunnies are these that they creep you out with their freaky look?

Maleficus: They are known as Dire Bunnies. They lurk in the meadows.

Clem: How do you ‘lurk’ in a meadow? A meadow’s such a bright, sunny place, usually.

Maleficus: Bright sunny places are inherently creepy.

Lana: You ‘ave to remember, Clem, Giant Evil Spiders prefer dank, spooky places.

Maleficus: The question would be, ‘How can you not lurk in a meadow?’

Lana: The best way would be simply to stay out of meadows.

Maleficus: I do my best to avoid them.

Clem: Yet you played football professionally for ten years.

Maleficus: I fail to see the connection.

Clem: Well, some might say that a football pitch is similar in many ways to a meadow. Flat, open, grassy...

Maleficus: There are no bunnies on a football pitch.

Clem: So you’re okay with being in a meadow if there are no bunnies there?

Maleficus: If I could ascertain with certainty that there were no bunnies, I would be willing to enter the meadow. If there was a very good reason for me to be there.

Clem: What are you, afraid of bunnies?

Maleficus: Certainly not! I merely find them creepy.

Lana: Plus they in’erfere with the game. If they’re on the pitch, I mean.

Maleficus: Dire Bunnies do not venture onto the pitch. They learned to keep well away from it.

Clem: They learned to keep away from it? What the hell does that mean?

Maleficus: During the war.

Lana: We’ll ‘ave to learn more about that after the kick, ‘cause ‘ere comes the ref with the captains to midfield.

Clem: Trixitica Lemsmith for the Lemmings, and Busby’s Bill “Buster” Boobaba. Boobaba calls it heads... and it’s heads. Lemsmith chooses to defend the right end of the field. While the players get set, we’ll break for some important messages. Stay tuned for the start of the Lemmings’ thirteenth World Cup qualifying match.

Bedistan

17-01-2004, 02:50

From the Bedistan Football Association official website (http://www.bfa.bd/wc/news/0116.html):

Current Match Summary
Bedistan vs Creedence Clearwater
World Cup 11 Qualifying Group 6, matchday 13
James Parker National Stadium, Midway, 16:00 BST*
Elapsed time: 0'00"

0'00" - Match currently delayed indefinitely. Both teams are present in full, though match officials have not shown up yet. Probable starting time for match: 16:00 BST tomorrow. More information forthcoming.

* BST = Bedistan Standard Time, rumored to be roughly equal to GMT -2, give or take a bit.

17-01-2004, 03:29

We are squirrels who bring you love.

Brazillico

17-01-2004, 03:34

It's a festive scene in Ravenspire, as fans are cheering wildly in the stadium playing host to the Brazillico/Ravenspire game. A quick glance around the crowd shows that they're in a cheery mood and with good reason if you take a look at the scoreboard in the distance.

[code:1:89312c5e87]RAVENSPIRE BRAZILLICO
03 00

TIME
89:14[/code:1:89312c5e87]

Crowd: Na na na na,

Brazillico seems to try to mount one final charge to save a shred of dignity. Junior Socrates passes the ball into Pepe, who is quickly challenged by the Ravenspire defender who wins possession of the ball.

Crowd: Na na na na,

Just a few seconds left in the game now. The Bats seem to want to do something and steal the ball away from the Ravenspirians, but the wind is clearly out of their sails. One side appears to be ready to go through the roof, while the other appears to want to hide under the ground.

Crowd: Hey-ey-ey, Good-Bye!

The final whistle blows and it's over. Brazillico put up a valiant effort in this qualification campaign, but they've fallen short of winning a spot in the cup. This emphatic 3-0 loss to Ravenspire will do little for the morale of the Brazillicans, who seem absolutely deflated as they walk off the pitch. It will be interesting to see if they can find the strength to give the Kaze Progressans a competitive match after the knockout blow they have just suffered.

Ravenspire

17-01-2004, 06:35

OOC: Apologies for my lack of RP recently. Very busy, with little online time. With luck this will be resolved by the Cup proper.

Oglethorpia

17-01-2004, 08:21

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Evisceratomato industry hurting
Mad evisceratomato debacle in Oglethorpia puts evisceratomato industry in pinch

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- What once was a leading industry in Oglethorpia now languishes with sub-par sales, some of Oglethorpia's largest evisceratomato exporters and growers now struggling to break even. For an industry part of an economy within the Bureaucratic States that is normally humming along nicely, the evisceratomato business is in sorry shape after the mad evisceratomato debacle first began to unfold.

"Oh, the rest of the economy's doing fine," said Food Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation Director Mike Stumbles said sarcastically. "But no one will eat evisceratomatoes -- perfectly safe evisceratomatoes, what with all the precautions we've installed. Besides that Butch Beige wacko, has anyone gotten mad evisceratomato? NO!"

Economists predict that once the mad evisceratomato 'crisis' had seen its end, that the evisceratomato business will bounce back to its former vigor.

Said one, "once all's said and done, in time the public's trust in evisceratomatoes will be restored again. Then the industry's going to bounce back just fine."

---

GED 'OUDDA HERE!
Picciotto vs. Christmas lawsuit thrown out of court

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In a Megalopolis State Court hearing earlier today, the Picciotto vs. Christmas case, the former demanding 500 million in damages after the defedant reportedly "called Picciotto a horse" was thrown out of court by the Honorable Presiding Judge Hills Blaine, the end of the hearing ending in a passionate shout of "GED 'OUDDA HERE!" on Blaine's part.

"Impartial judge my ass," said Picciotto, out of earshot of Judge Hills Blaine. "He doesn't understand a thing about libel."

"I'm glad it's all over," said Bill Christmas, relieved at the outcome. "I fully apologize to Mr. Picciotto for any misconceptions we may have had in my article -- he is most certainly not a horse. Plus, i'm not out of 500 mil now. I'm feelin' good."

"Damn absurd Thorpes," said Kingsforder Honorable Presiding Judge Blaine after the hearing was concluded. "Silly Thorpes with that Mike-Mike/Black-White case, and now Picciotto vs. Christmas. "He called me a horse?" What a crock of shit. What next, "Oglethorpia vs. Evisceratomatoes?" Hmm, maybe I ought to shut up and not give any of those Thorpes any ideas."

Mattigool

17-01-2004, 10:11

Matchday 12
Mattigool Sports

Surprise, surprise!!!

(Goolsund) The gools won their first WC match ever at Big Butts! An historical and never expected win. Was it magic? We do not think so. This time the player's wives and and/or girlfriends went with them to Big Butts. It seemed to be a good idea of Goola Goolason, becaues the players were obviously a lot more motivated. The question is, why doesn't this work in homematches?
However, the Gools played worldclass football, Big Butts was surprised by the hard tackling and the never ending pressing of the Gools. Goolason also changed changed from 4-1-2-1-2 to 3-2-2-1-2:

[code:1:36e97f26b0]
Erland Klokset
Robin Bertheussen - Jostein Grande - Jonny Grøtta Grav
Jan Ove Johannsen Gamsten
Lars Iver Pedersen Raul Lindestad
Ronny "Hulk" Laursen
Robert Juliussen Alexander Kristensen

Subs:
Sturla Ingolfsson, Stian Wiik, John Erling Monsen, Rolf Silseth,
Simen Sokol, Tore Moen
[/code:1:36e97f26b0]

Laursen scored first time in WC in 63rd minute, when Gamsten passed to right winger Pedersen, Pedersen went forward and put a cross at the far post. Kristensen won the header and then the Hulk's fierce shot beat the keeper.

Matchday 13:
Mattigool Sports

What a match!

(Goolsund) Although the Gools lost their match against Artemisia Absentia it was one of the best matches ever seen at Goolsund. As they did against Big Butts the Gools were hard tackling and pressing from the beginning. But the AA counter-attacks finally beat them. Young Kristensen made his fourth goal during WC XI. In their last match the Gools now will meet Ice Reavers, but it is already sure, that they will finish on 7th and last place in Group XI.

Final Scoring
MATTIGOOL 2
Kristensen (19)
Gamsten (81, pen.)

ARTEMISIA ABSENTIA 5
<plaver 7> (26, 35)
<player 11> (39, 63)
<player 9> (54)

Spaam

17-01-2004, 11:09

Qualifying Update

World Cup qualifying has been moving on, with Spaam managing to not
lose any of its past 3 matches. Tying with Brazillico 3-all in a thriller at
home, followed by a gritty 2-1 win away against Dead Man, and ending in
a 3 nil shutout of Exetonia at Shaw City last night. All these results mean
that Spaam will finish 3rd in its group, and face one other 3rd placed team
to determine whether Spaam participates in its first World Cup in 12 years.

[code:1:84280af49d]
Name P G AVG
[9] Ana Milik 12 7 0.58
[13] Nala Eromleb 12 6 0.50
[18] Meren Lûin 5 4 0.80
[15] Maddi Elrik 10 2 0.20
[7] Travis Dodd 12 2 0.17
[10] Ferna Rékin 5 1 0.20
[/code:1:84280af49d]

Ana Milik has predictably been the top goal scorer for Spaam, with
enigmatic Nala Eromleb scoring one less. Young striker Meren Lûin has
scored 4 goals from 5 appearances, giving her the best average.

17-01-2004, 16:55

This is to inform you that Matchday 13 Results and Tables for Even-numbered Groups (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2602171&highlight=#2602171) have now been posted.

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

Spaam

17-01-2004, 17:00

OOC: OMG.... if Kerla wins by enough, and Pavesia wins, and TBF loses by enough (there are 6 goals to make up), then TBF could be relegated to 3rd.... MWAHAHAHA!

17-01-2004, 17:53

WARRIORS BEATEN BADLY BY THE LOWLAND CLANS

The Praying2God Warriors put up a horrible effort yesterday against The Lowland Clans and lost 0-3. It appears that the Warriors are just trying to finish so they can regroup for the next cup. It was clear to all in attendance at TLC that the Warriors were not mentally in the game. The home crowd was even booed their own team each time the Warriors gained possession. Praying2God Head Coach Jesus Christ has promised a shake up of the roster for the next World Cup.

Bedistan

17-01-2004, 18:59

The Midway Journal

A Nearly Useless Victory
Second big win in as many matches still far from assures qualifying

MIDWAY -- Karen Neighbors, playing as a substitute forward for the suspended Fernando Sippel, is proving her worth more and more with each match. However, nobody expected her to pull off a hat trick!

After the Lions' amazing 6-1 win in Dual supporters, some 125,000 Bedistani supporters showed up at Parker National to watch them play Creedence Clearwater. They certainly did not leave the stadium disappointed.

Creedence Clearwater, of course, had been eliminated quite some time ago, and they were content to let the Lions walk all over them. Two first half goals, one by Neighbors and one by Darren Morlock, gave the Lions an easy lead. In the second half, the home team dominated possession, and Neighbors managed two more goals to bring the final tally to four.

[code:1:9ff1ace183]Final score:
(6) Bedistan 4 (Neighbors 18, 66, 81; Morlock 33)
Creedence Clearwater 0[/code:1:9ff1ace183]

Unfortunately for us, Tanah Burung, Squornshelous, and Gesamtkuntswerk also won all of their matches, leaving Group 6 looking like this:

[code:1:9ff1ace183]Group 6
Rank Name P W D L F A GD Pts
(15) Tanah Burung 13 9 2 2 22 4 +18 29
(23) Squornshelous 13 8 4 1 16 4 +12 28
(26) Gesamtkuntswerk 13 8 3 2 18 6 +12 27
(06) Bedistan 13 7 3 3 21 5 +16 24
(UR) Athamasha 13 3 2 8 12 20 -8 11
(UR) Dual supporters 13 2 5 6 11 25 -14 11
(UR) NEWI Cefn Druids 13 0 6 7 7 24 -17 6
(UR) Creedence Clearwater 13 1 3 9 9 28 -19 6[/code:1:9ff1ace183]

Despite having scored an astounding ten goals in the last two matches, Bedistan's qualification chances look like this: The Lions must first defeat Gesamtkuntswerk on matchday 14, and then defeat whichever team they would be paired up against in the third-place playoff.

BediStat's updated odds:
Lions to qualify: 4-1
MD14: Gesamtkuntswerk 2-1 / draw 2-1 / Bedistan 2-1

Bedistan Schedule
Day 1: vs Athamasha – W 2-0
Day 2: at NEWI Cefn Druids – W 3-0
Day 3: at #23 Squornshelous – L 0-1
Day 4: at #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 5: vs Dual supporters – W 3-0
Day 6: at Creedence Clearwater – W 1-0
Day 7: vs #26 Gesamtkuntswerk – D 0-0
Day 8: at Athamasha – W 1-0
Day 9: vs NEWI Cefn Druids – D 0-0
Day 10: vs #23 Squornshelous – D 1-1
Day 11: vs #15 Tanah Burung – L 0-1
Day 12: at Dual supporters – W 6-1
Day 13: vs Creedence Clearwater – W 4-0
Day 14: at #26 Gesamtkuntswerk

Team Statistics
[code:1:9ff1ace183] Overall WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 110 13 19 17 7 21 20 13
Wins 58 5 8 8 5 13 12 7
Draws 21 5 5 2 0 3 3 3
Losses 31 3 6 7 2 5 5 3
Avg. Offense 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.5 1.6 1.6 gpg
Avg. Defense 0.9 1.5 1.1 0.9 1.0 1.0 0.7 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +69 0 +8 +9 +5 +12 +19 +16
Rank (45) 27 25 5 3 4 6[/code:1:9ff1ace183]
Individual Statistics
[code:1:9ff1ace183]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
D. Morlock 11 9 0.82
K. Neighbors 6 4 0.67
A. Hamner 3 1 0.33
N. Palin 13 2 0.15
J. Lewey 13 2 0.15
F. Sippel 7 1 0.14
T. Morgan 13 1 0.08

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
E. Oldenburg 12 4 0.33
T. Fukushima 1 1 1.00[/code:1:9ff1ace183]

Rejistania

17-01-2004, 20:50

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues win 6th game in a row
Things get scary for the Orange-Blues. Normally no one would consider a 2-1 victory scary, but it is the second 6-games-win-streak in this qualification and this gets scary at least for the supersticious Orange-Blues. A reporter of the Update overheard substitute goalie Daki'he say: "I still can't believe this. Taderekansa play with us!" Taderekansa is the minokajetian god of victory. Well, influence from above or not, the Orange-Blues played a good match and defeated Peter Panarchy 2-1.

Nana Daki belonged to the starters in this match, as well as many other substitutes. The line-up was:
N. Daki
J. Kansu, S. Kansu, K. Kiru, K, Sanan
M. Ijen, L. Jaras, H. Kansu, S. Rajin
S. Lyku, X. Su
Only Jaras'he, Su'he and SyLy belonged to the normal starters. Even for Imdila'he, this was a great number of substitutes. Janja Kansu from Mikedi Omeh played the first time for the Orange-Blues after sitting on the bench in some matches against unranked teams. Statistican may have noticed that 5 players had the word 'Kansu' eighter as first or second name (Sijij Kansu, Kansu Kiru, Kansu Sanan, Janja Kansu and Hana Kansu), that is also a record for the Orange-Blues.

The first half was not the best soccer match ever. The Panrchians played very defensive and the Orange-Blues had not many good chances. SyLy archieved the lead in the 35th minute after an error in the panarchian defense. 1-0 was the half-time result. Janja Kansu played remarkably good, especially if you take into account that this was his first-ever international match.
In the second half, the panarchians tried to play more offensive. This and an error by Sijij Kansu lead to the equalizer in the 67th minute. The Panarchians wanted the lead and kept on attacking, but the Orange-Blues defended very good after this single error. Unfortunatly, the Orange-blues had a streak of bad luck. Whatever they tried failed. A corner, shot by Jaras'he was headed by Su'he to the far corner of the goal. Goalie <randomname> had no chance to get it. The score was 2-1 and didn't change in the last 5 minutes (three minutes regular and two minutes additional time).

The result:
Peter Panarchy: 1 (<randomname> 67th)
Rejistania: 2 (Lyku 35th, Su 87th)

Liverpool England

18-01-2004, 01:52

Team FINALLY Qualifies, Still Unbeaten
Liverpool England 2 (Dirosa 44, Hearne 49 pen) Iansisle 0
[code:1:2f99c3e112]Group 10
Team P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Liverpool England 13 9 4 0 22 4 18 31 QLF
The Lowland Clans 13 8 3 2 21 11 10 27 ---
Anti-Nazis 13 8 3 2 15 8 7 27 ---
Cockbill Street 13 5 4 4 20 14 6 19 ELN
Iansisle 13 5 4 4 16 10 6 19 ELN
Beestings 13 2 2 9 11 29 -18 8 ELN
Pablicosta 13 2 1 10 10 22 -12 7 ELN
Praying2God 13 2 1 10 6 23 -17 7 ELN[/code:1:2f99c3e112]

NEWI Cefn Druids

18-01-2004, 04:16

NEWI NEWS

CROC AND ROLL
David Rhys-Jones reports from Cefn on NEWI Cefn Druids 1 Tanah Burung 2

Tanah Burung’s Crocodiles secured a top three position in Group Six last night with a well fought victory over a much changed Druids team.

Coach Trevor Stevens decided to rest much of his regular starting eleven, feeling that the game was a forgone conclusion. However, they felt that they needed to prove a point, and got off to a fantastic start.

In only the third minute, Trevor Unis held off two Crocodiles defenders and laid off Ellis Mbaka, who was sent tumbling by Klaus de Groot. Trevor Kallins stepped forward to take the penalty awarded for it, and sent Konis the wrong way to give the Druids a surprise early lead.

It didn’t last. Only four minutes later, Miskita beat a poor Druids offside trap to score her third goal against them in qualifying. She almost made it another two minutes afterwards, but Rodgers produced a good save.

It took until eight minutes into the second half for Tanah Burung to get their long awaited second, but it came when a mis-hit Alkatiri cross was collected by de Groot, who charged from the back through the midfield and smashed it home from thirty yards. The stadium was stunned by one of the best goals seen anywhere in qualifying, and even most of the home supporters stood up and applauded. It more than made up for his earlier error.

After this, the Druids went much more attacking, bringing on two wingers and leaving Rowlands as a protecting midfielder. Though they looked more threatening than before, the Crocs had it all under control. Unfortunately for them, results elsewhere meant that they will have to wait until their final game to guarantee a place in the top two, but they are definitely in the top three now.

As for the Druids? Well, it’s their last chance to get themselves that elusive first victory when they travel to Dual Supporters for their final match. Hopefully, resting many of the players will give them a boost there, as will the atmosphere. It will be like a home game for the Druids, as their hosts have only two fans (hence the team being named after their ‘Dual Supporters’), so the rest of the ground will be full of travelling Druids.

Final score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 ( Kallins 3 [pen] )
Tanah Burung 2 ( Miskita 6, de Groot 53 )

Teams

NEWI Cefn Druids: ( 4-3-1-2 ) Rodgers; Kallins, Ieauan, Lanton, Rhyds; Lee ( James 78 ), Welsh ( Simpson 65 ), Rowlands; Leeson; Unis, Mbaka ( Frederiksson 78 )

Tanah Burung: ( 4-4-2 ) Konis; Nazir, de Groot, Horta, Rumbiak; Livit, Gelap, Api, Alkatiri; Miskita, Ruak.

STADIUM PLANS ANNOUNCED

Meanwhile, designs for the new national stadium have been unveiled. After two designs of increasing capacity had already been accepted by the FANCD, then later rejected due to the growing popularity of the team, the new design comes with a way in which the capacity can be increased.

Trevor Simon, FANCD Chief Executive, said, “Our new stadium will be almost three times the size of any we have unveiled before, with over 76,000 seats to begin with and the possibility of more being added later.”

“The design for the stadium currently involves cutting a big hole in the ground. The stands will then be built into this hole. If, for any reason, we need to expand the capacity, all we do is simply dig a bigger hole.”

“There will be three levels of seating to begin with – two above ground level and one below. We hope that work will be able to begin right away, and the stadium should be ready midway through qualifying for World Cup 12.”

However, when asked how much the project would cost, Simon avoided the question, saying only “How expensive can it be to dig a hole?!?!” Er… Mr. Simon, that’s what we asked you…

TV SCHEDULES ANNOUNCED FOR FINAL DAY MATCHES

All of the television networks in NEWI Cefn Druids have released their schedules for showing matches on the last day of qualifying. On most qualifying days, Druids are only treated to two matches – the Druids’ match on the Cefn Broadcasting Network (CBN) and a selected ‘Match of the Day’ on rivals DruidSport. However, with so many important matches to be spread over two days, six of the seven networks have the rights to two games each. Those to be shown are as follows:

First games:

CBN: Snub Nose 38 v Dennisov
DruidSport: Defari v Commerce Heights
NDT (National Druid Television): Oddslavo v Aquilla
NTV (NEWI Television): Sliponia v The Weegies
NNNN (NEWI National News Network): Kravoli v Tranquilitis
MBA (Mawr Broadcasting Association): Lemmitania v Jerusalem

Second games:

CBN: NEWI Cefn Druids v Dual Supporters
DruidSport: Bedistan v Gesamtkuntswerk
NDT: Zinkoland v Dark Outcasts
NTV: Squornshelous v Tanah Burung
NNNN: The Lowland Clans v Anti-Nazis
MBA: Giant Zucchini v Lubistan

As well as this, our other network, the RTS (Regional Television Stations) network, will have as-it-happens updates on all 48 matches over the two days in a special show called “Who’s Going? (Not Us)”. It will be run in conjunction with a telethon for victims of Mad Evisceratomato Disease and griffins that have had their tongues removed cruelly. Insiders are hopeful of raising over 80 million groats.

Oglethorpia

18-01-2004, 05:29

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Winning streak upped to 7
Wonderteam secure 7th win in a row a home

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- A triumphant Oglethorpian Wonderteam returned home from NASTIC 2 with a 1-nil victory, and now at home in Amalgamated Stadium, was ready to try and repeat the victory, possibly the 7th in a streak of 6 victories. The Wonderteam took to the field after the lengthy national anthem of "Oglethorpia 'Tis For Thee" (in it's full 41 minute glory) against a Dark Outcasts side that sits at 3rd in group 2, vying for the second to qualify -- lest they stay in 3rd and battle it out in a series of two playoffs.

The skill of both sides was incontrovertible from the first -- most of the action taking place in midfield, where scores upon scores of passes were picked off by strong defenses on both sides.

"We couldn't get anything done," later said Fernando Green after the first half concluded. "Everything kept ending up in their hands."

Green was kindly reminded that the game is called football, and that if it were in their hands, it would be illegal. "You know what I mean, smartass," Green said.

Dark Outcasts managed one shot on the Oglethorpian goal -- but Wonderteam goalkeeper Yamamoto-san was on the ball in no time flat, attempting to move the ball down the field once more.

The back and forth match finally saw halftime, Oglethorpia 0 - 0 Dark Outcasts.

"We have to move the ball better than that," commented Guy Picciotto, fresh off of legal defeat in the courtroom. "Let's worry about the matter at hand, the Wonderteam match. Not that bastard Bill Christmas. If the squad can actually make some passes without turning them over, maybe we'll score a goal or two."

Perhaps team captain Fernando Green and the Wonderteam had taken his words to heart -- the opening minutes of the second half saw a Torrence Black attempt on goal, were the ball just a tad left, been a goal. Unfortunately, it merely dinged off the corner bar.

The match plodded along much in the same fashion as the first half, with few attempts on each side -- Dark Outcasts making their first in the second half, Striker Goonie #2's volley a few feet to high, the ball becoming a Wonderteam fan's new souvenir.

Not until the 78th would Oglethorpia begin to make something happen. Midfielder Goonie #4 and Floyd Black were both entangled, felling both halfbacks -- Fernando Green picked up the slack, and a quick pass to Jorge White would see an exciting run into the goalie box culminating in a short little shot into the back of the net. In the 78th, the Wonderteam had put themselves up over Dark Outcasts 1-nil.

Quickly back on their feet, the Wonderteam offense filled with new vigor would earn a corner -- here in the 81st, Jorge White would earn yet another goal off a curving kick by Fernando Green headed into the corner of the goal.

Jorge White celebrated.

And there was much rejoicing.

"Man, Jorge was just on his game today," reflected Torrence Black after the match. "First there was that run where he weaved the defense like crazy, and then that header off the corner."

Picciotto's just hoping White will keep it up for matchday 14. "I just hope he can keep it up for matchday 14. We're obviously going to be playing a much more relaxed game, knowing that we've secured our qualification in World Cup 11 -- but we're still going to give it our all, and try to give everyone a chance to play the ball. In the interest of fairness, and whatnot. It also helps that if we lose, it doesn't matter." The Wonderteam will be playing a much more relaxed game, knowing that they've secured their qualification in World Cup 11 -- but Picciotto assures fans that they'll still be giving it their all, trying to give everyone a chance to play the ball.

In the interest of fairness indeed.

Oglethorpia faces Alex The Tall on the final matchday of qualifiying, who they have already defeated 3-nil.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (J. White 78th, 81st)
Dark Outcasts - 0

18-01-2004, 05:31

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

Liverpool England

18-01-2004, 05:33

Keep your damn spam out.

Liverpool England

18-01-2004, 05:36

Day 14 Outlook, Group 10
Second/Third Place Match - Anti-Nazis vs The Lowland Clans (LEINN Sports, 4.30pm) AN: 4-1 Draw: 5-1 TLC: 3-1

Meanwhile, see if the national team can keep their unbeaen qualifying record when they take on Cockbill Street away.
Cockbill Street vs Liverpool England (LEINN Sports 2, 4.25pm) CB: 13-4 Draw: 6-1 LE: 4-7

Oglethorpia

18-01-2004, 05:44

NEWI NEWS

TV SCHEDULES ANNOUNCED FOR FINAL DAY MATCHES

...

'...It will be run in conjunction with a telethon for victims of Mad Evisceratomato Disease and griffins that have had their tongues removed cruelly. Insiders are hopeful of raising over 80 million groats.'

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Mad evisceratomato victimizes?
Have citizens of the NationStates world really been afflicted with ESE?

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The mad evisceratomato outbreak of Oglethorpia is a funny thing -- ESE is feared throughout the Bureaucratic States, and yet still, the evisceratomato industry has avoided doing everything but completely and wholly crashing and burning, the farmers and growers of evisceratomatoes barely hanging on by a thread. No one has contracted ESE, unless you count Butch Beige, with numerous safeguards enacted by the Food, Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation -- and yet those within the government division are confused by the following statement published in a copy of the 'NEWI News.'

'...It will be run in conjunction with a telethon for victims of Mad Evisceratomato Disease and griffins that have had their tongues removed cruelly. Insiders are hopeful of raising over 80 million groats.'

The FD&FAA&F was quick to issue a response rebuking that which was published in "DA NEWI NEWS" so falsely. "No one," said FD&FAA&F Director Mike Stumbles, "has contracted mad evisceratomato. Not in Oglethorpia, at least."

Despite Stumbles' best efforts to tell people that no one has contracted mad evisceratomato, the country's fear of ESE has been at least doubled, according to analysts at the Bureau of Statisticians Who Pull Numbers From Who Knows Where.

Stumbles further asserted that "if anyone has mad evisceratomato, it must be in Spaam. Or East Spaam. Or Canada," citing that "the proper safeguards are in place to destroy mad evisceratomatoes and make sure they never make it to the market."

No one knows how long the FD&FAA&F will continue saying "the proper safeguards are in place" and "they will never make it to the market," but hopefully the reassurement of the people of the Bureaucratic States will end sometime soon, with the mad evisceratomato crisis.

Giant Zucchini

18-01-2004, 10:05

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini has once again taken a decisive win over the hated Lanky Dude. Urk's spot kick was equalised early in the second half, but Kerrnigit clinched the win in the 74th minute, running in from the left flank before slotting it between the legs of a defender with his right foot, into the left corner of the goal, well beyond the reach of the goalkeeper. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We are one match away from at least another chance to qualify. It will be our undoing if we let this gilt-edged chance slip through our fingers." Even then, the second seeded team will need to fight on hard if they are to qualify.

Kaze Progressa

18-01-2004, 10:09

OOC: This Evisceratomato business really is funny :D

IC from the Kangaroo:

WE'RE ON THE PLANE TO SOMEWHERE...

Kaze Progressa now know they are going to the World Cup. They do not know where they are going, however.

Following the resignation of Total n Utter Insanity from the leadership of the World Cup Committee and the claims of the nation departing the international football arena, it is unclear whether Warnocks Wizards has the infrastructure to host the World Cup alone.

'Even with highly advanced magic, I doubt that new stadia could be built in Warnocks Wizards between now and the Cup,' said Progressan stadium expert Nubia Virazek. 'And there is probably a need for at least two new large stadia - capacity over 60,000 - in the country to host the event single-handedly'.

Warnocks Wizards has an option on its contract alongside TnUI to hand over the hosting to the runners-up of the WCC vote for hosting of this Cup - Rejistania and The Belmore Family - and it is not yet clear whether this will be invoked.

Other wild rumours relate to the still-popular philosophy that the results are generated by complex spreadsheets. According to the 'Excellites', TnUI is the only one who has the spreadsheet, and will not send it to WW. This in turn would give the Belmore-Rejistania alliance - who have their own spreadsheet - the hosting rights.

The uncertainty has meant the odds of a host in the final for the fourth Cup in a row have lengthened from 1-7 to 1-5 with Progressan bookmakers GetLucky.

NEWI Cefn Druids

18-01-2004, 12:41

CEFN BUGLE

MEDIA RIVALS CAUSE HEALTH SCARE

Our main rival in the NEWI Cefn Druids Newspaper Industry, the NEWI NEWS, have caused a public health scare around the world.

In a report published yedsterday, they stated that the telethon on RTS that is to be held in conjunction with the end of World Cup qualifying would raise money for the 'victims' of Mad Evisceratomato Disease, or ESE as it is better known.

Reports from Oglethorpia have suggested that this has made the public feel even more uneasy about the whole situation. Officially, only one person there has contracted the disease, causing public alarm at why so much money is needed for this. It is reported that officials in United Spaam are not too happy about the effects that the report has had on people.

We called RTS to see if this story had been reported correctly. as usual, our rivals made a complete hash of it. The statement read out to us went as follows:

[code:1:c84bd12eca]The RTS would like to apologise for the effects a report about it has had on the international community. Raising money for ESE is only seventh on our list of priorities, behind 'Griffins Tongue Removal', 'Helping Injured Sportspeople', 'Pie Research', 'Save the Wales', 'Sauce for the Sauceless' and 'Eatatjoe's Syndrome'. Also, and we should emphasise this, the money is not for the victims of the disease, but to help aid research. This is what was misunderstood in the report, and we want to make this clear.[/code:1:c84bd12eca]

However, the damage this report has had is devastating. As a result, a mass boycott of our rival (who's name we don't mention around these parts) looks more than likely.

Cockbill Street

18-01-2004, 13:20

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Axewielder SUSPENDED!
Red Card After He Headbutts Pablicosta Player In Groin

Harald Axewielder got a red card and thus destroyed all joy of the 2-1 win over Pablicosta yesterday. The C-mail will come back with more, but the writer's notes was eaten by a special insect, known as the invalid session bug.

Cockbill Street 2 (Quier 19, Olsen 66)
Pablicosta 1 (???? 23)

Eauz

18-01-2004, 15:24

Tie Leaves Eauz Qualified for Second

Les Bleus who had already qualified for the 2nd round were hoping to qualify for first place in their division. Unfortunatly, even playing their best players in the last game, ended in a 0 - 0 tie against Sliponia. The Coach said, "The last few games, just seemed like our team didn't care anymore, even though we just qualified 1 game ago. I hope our team doesn't just fall into a slump like that when it really counts next round." Even though the 2nd place positioning, fans have been celebrating in the streets of Zuka, and throughout Eauz at the 2nd straight qualifying of the team.

[code:1:c03fca10b0]
Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania 14 7 6 1 21 8 13 27
Eauz 14 7 5 2 25 12 13 26
Busby 14 5 7 2 20 12 8 22
The Weegies 14 5 7 2 17 10 7 22
Sliponia 14 6 4 4 18 16 2 22
Keyshona 14 5 5 4 14 11 3 20
Avenging Altos 14 2 2 10 8 34 -26 8
Jeruselem 14 1 0 13 8 28 -20 3
[/code:1:c03fca10b0]

[code:1:c03fca10b0]
Group 1
Lemmitania Qualified (1st)
Eauz Qualified (2nd)
Busby 3rd
The Weegies eliminated
Sliponia eliminated
Keyshona eliminated
Avenging Altos eliminated
Jeruselem eliminated
[/code:1:c03fca10b0]

*BTW... I don't understand what is going on with 3rd placing? In this Group, we have 3 teams tied for 3rd place... so... ?

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia W 4 - 2
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz W 1 – 2
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby L 1 - 2
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem W 5 - 2
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania T 0 - 0
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz W 1 - 6
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona T 1 - 1
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz T 0 - 0

Bedistan

18-01-2004, 15:32

*BTW... I don't understand what is going on with 3rd placing? In this Group, we have 3 teams tied for 3rd place... so... ?

OOC: The tie is broken by Goal Difference. Therefore, Busby, with a GD of +8, walks away with 3rd place, and the other two are eliminated.

Bedistan

18-01-2004, 15:44

Major Bedistan TV Networks Release Sports Schedule
Bedistan Associated Press

Columbia, F.D. - Five of Bedistan's major television networks have announced their schedules for tomorrow. Each will be showing coverage of two very important World Cup 11 Matchday 14 qualifying matches for the even-numbered groups, either live or on tape-delay if necessary. These will be as follows:

First Matches - 14:00 BST
BSTV - Gesamtkuntswerk vs Bedistan
BNN - NASTIC 2 vs Svecia
BSN - Lubistan vs Giant Zucchini
PSS - Belmorian Foxworthia vs New Montreal States
PMSB - Vozvyshennost vs God Squad

Second Matches - 16:00 BST
BSTV - Dark Outcasts vs Zinkoland
BNN - Gmlac vs Timway
BSN - Lanky dude vs Morawny
PSS - Zeronia vs Nikea
PMSB - Kerla vs Cermania

Teams in bold are those that may or may not be eliminated as a result of the match.

Of the ten matches, 41% of the population we polled believe that Gesamtkuntswerk vs Bedistan will be the most competitive match, compared with only 0.7% believing the same about Kerla vs Cermania.

Squornshelous

18-01-2004, 17:57

Squorn Fans Backing Bedistan
A group of fans from Squornshelous interviewed by a reporter today announce their intention of attending the Bedistan-Gesamkuntswerk game. If Bedistan manages to defeat Gesamkuntswerk, the outcome of the Squornshelous-Tanah Burung game becomes unimportant, since it would eliminate Gesamkuntswerk, but Bedistan cannot catch the Pchsychoes. Nonetheless, the Squorn-TB game looks like it will be a close contest. The first game played between these teams earlier in qualification ended 1-0 in favor of Squornshelous. Odds offered on the game are:

Squornshelous 2:1
Tanah Burung 2:1
Draw: 1:2

Squornshelous TV schedual

Early Game Block
SNN - Dark Outcasts v. Zinkoland
NSN - Gesamtkuntswerk v. Bedistan
STV - Lubistan v. Giant Zucchini
NTVN - Kerla v. Cermania
PPV - Vozvyshennost v. God Squad

Late Game Block
SNN - NASTIC 2 v. Svecia
NSN - Squornshelous v. Tanah Burung
STV - Gmlac v. Timway
NTVN - Zeronia v. Nikea
PPV - Belmorian Foxworthia v. New Montreal States

Station Names
SNN - Squornshelous News Network
NSN - National Sports Network
STV - Squorn Television
NTVN - National Television Network
PPV - Pay Per View

One Red Dot

18-01-2004, 18:00

The Freedom Times - Midnight Edition

ORD Through to Cup, GZ or LD Still Hanging By A Thread

It was an amazing display of skill as the Red Dot Wolves gave a good thrashing to Shonar Banglaa while showing them a bit of football acrobatics. The 5-0 victory just made the gap between 2nd and 3rd place even larger for the already-qualified Red Dot side.

What was supposed to be the 100th One Red Dot match today ended up being delayed by one day because of suspected sabotage of the stadium facilities and transportation arrangements. The 100th match set to be played in Rejistania against Rejistania will be a much celebrated issue although the match is an away match.

Essential World Cup Information
[code:1:6fea05715c]
Group 4
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Rejistania 13 12 0 1 24 7 17 36
One Red Dot 13 9 4 0 25 3 22 31
Giant Zucchini 13 7 2 4 19 10 9 23
Lanky dude 13 6 3 4 20 10 10 21
Morawny 13 5 2 6 13 15 -2 17
Shonar Bangla 13 2 1 10 9 20 -11 7
Peter Panarchy 13 2 1 10 12 30 -18 7
Lubistan 13 2 1 10 8 35 -27 7
[/code:1:6fea05715c]

ORD World Cup Record:
[code:1:6fea05715c]
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 17 7 13

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 8 4 9
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 4 1 4
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 5 2 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 24 14 25
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 1.92
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 19 11 3
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.23
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +22
Average GD -0.11 +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +1.69

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 79 86 99

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 40 44 53
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 17 18 22
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 22 24 24

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 134 148 173
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.75
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 89 100 103
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.04
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +48 +70
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.71

Average Opp. Rank# 20.50 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 30.25
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1 1 4
Lowest Opp. Rank# 30 26 50 52 68 79 50 50

Pre-Match Rank - 27 30 22 16 29 29 20

#Newbie ranks are excluded.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:6fea05715c]

ORD Match Fixtures, Day 14
14: One Red Dot v Rejistania @ Rejistania <--ORD's 100th World Cup Match

All tickets to the above match has been sold out, but still can be bought from the black market or any illegal sources. The last match will be broadcast 'LIVE' on Channel 7.
Also on Channel 7: NationStates Survivor (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=109024). Sign up today!

Kaze Progressa

18-01-2004, 18:13

The scene: Busby National Stadium. The previously open South Stand has been fitted with a glass roof.

'They're plotting against us!' shouted Itasae Murritko. 'They planned the glass roof just for this match!'
'What? I thought Busby were reasonably nice people. They seemed perfectly fine over at our place,' replied goalkeeper Marianne Oaks. She went through her usual warm-up routine - singing descending and ascending scales from middle C. The former has always been easier for Marianne.

As that sound was ringing through the dressing rooms of Busby National Stadium, it was interrupted by another ringing sound - that of the bell that told the players to leave for the field.

The players lined up along the halfway line. Then came an unexpected announcement.

'Will the visiting players, please stand along the South Stand goal-line.'

Marianne shrieked as high as anyone with a voice like a man's can. 'THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US!' And she sheltered in her goal while everyone else stood along the line.

'Mrs Oaks, please stand with your team-mates,' echoed a voice from the tannoy. One Mrs Oaks among the home fans - a well-known Busbian philanthropist - moved towards the pitch to the amusement of most inside the ground. 'Not that Mrs Oaks, the other one.' She refused, and was then dragged onto the goal-line and chained to an adboard.

'And now, we shall have the national anthem of Busby, performed by Ella Forrest.'

The crowd roared its approval.

Marianne was still shaking so hard the chains were rattling. Itasae stood next to her and whispered into her ear. 'I was the piano accompanist for Ella in a performance a few years back,' she said.

'Is Ella a soprano?' asked Marianne, in a voice far more shaky than any operatic vibrato.

No answer came.

We soon found out.

The Busbian national anthem is curious. It was written for all four voices (soprano, alto, tenor, bass) but most of the melody for each is identical, though there are more complex harmonies in the second verse. Each part is separated by a perfect fifth; the alto part starts on middle C (C4) and hence the soprano part starts on G4.

Ella walked onto the stage in the south-west corner stand, passing screaming Busbian fans. She stood on the stage, waiting for quiet. And waiting.

Marianne was still shaking. The chains were still there. Nobody else dared move, as there were quite a few policemen in the ground.

Ella turned towards the South Stand and tilted her head upwards slightly.

The music started.

Ella started singing.

On a G5.

She was singing the soprano part transposed up an octave.

This soprano part usually finishes on an F5. Now it would end on F6 - which would probably be high enough to break this brand new glass roof.

Ella sung her way through the anthem in a shaky falsetto warble before that note came.

She got it, and held it.

And a far more horrific noise came.

The roof had shattered.

The glass deflected off the umbrellas the Busbian fans lofted purely for this purpose and fell onto the hapless Altos. The crowd roared in delight.

Now Busby could rack up the goals. They scored twice in the first seven minutes before the Altos switched to a 7-2-1 formation. As a result, the Busbians were boxed in, only scored once more through a deflection on 40 minutes, and couldn't score in the second half as they were shooting towards the South Stand and slipped on glass fragments. Fortunately for them, the 3-0 win was just enough to earn them third place and a playoff spot. Ella was the Busbian hero.

Avenging Altos vowed to come back... 'on condition all stadia used in the World Cup qualifying stages have concrete or corrugated sheet roofing.'

The Belmore Family

18-01-2004, 18:23

Belmorian High-Shool Turn Up to wrong match

Alan City Elementary were slightly surprised to find out that the Pavasian government had accidently sent the locations of the matches to the wrong teams making the 10 year-olds play the Pavasian first XI while The Belmorian first XI played Pavasia City Elementary.

But the ten-year olds were not detered. They played the entire match, not noticing the age of the opposition they played on infront of a 20,000 man crowd.

Surprisingly enough, the ten-year olds played stunningly well against the national side. Keeping them to a 0-0 draw until half-time. But sadly that was not to last, Lil Timmy kicked <player 7> in the box giving away a penelty. The Progressan Referee then became a hate figure in the crowd, making Lil Timmy cry by bradishing a yellow card.

Lil Timmy then in a strop, went up to Mike, punching him, starting a chain reaction of crying. So, with 9 minutes left on the clock the game was put on pause as the groundsman fixed the rather novell "tearlogged pitch".

After the ground was repaired the game continued with the the kids hanging on for a great Result.

FINAL SCORE
PAVASIA 1

THE BELMORE FAMILY 0

Audioslavia

18-01-2004, 19:59

perhaps i could condense this next post a bit....

anyone got a mirror and some clouds?

Audioslavia

18-01-2004, 19:59

a hella cheeky match-report

dude, your almost as bad as LE/Pure Evil :P

'slaves held in Big Butts
Aquilla-Oddslavo draw takes the 'slaves to the finals!one1!

Audioslavia played out a draw with Big Butts today, with the only goals coming from captain Lee Branson, and some dude from the Big Butts side, both in the second half.

[code:1:ec8ab1cf31]
Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 14 10 3 1 27 8 19 33
Audioslavia 14 9 4 1 24 6 18 31
Oddslavo 14 8 5 1 20 7 13 29
Artemisia Absentia 14 6 2 6 24 23 1 20
Big Butts 14 4 4 6 16 16 0 16
Lynnwoode 14 4 3 7 14 23 -9 15
Ice Reavers 14 3 1 10 13 26 -13 10
Mattigool 14 1 0 13 9 38 -29 3 [/code:1:ec8ab1cf31]

The 'slaves, as ususal, left it until the very last game until they secured a qualifying position. Aquilla keep their amazing run of having stayed at the top of the table after ever single matchday, and it is Oddslavo who will go into the 3rd-placed-playoff next week.

Big Butts had a strong run in the middle of the season, but fell away towards the end, allowing newbies Artemsia Absentia to take fourth spot. Lynnwoode and Ice Reavers trail behind, and the extremely dissapointing Mattigool completely failed to compete, propping up the table seven points off the pace.

Audioslavia join Aquilla, Kingsford, Halfassedstates, Runaway Moose, Europa Brittania, Kaze Progressa, Ravenspire, Snub Nose 38, surprise package Belmorian Scandinavia, Lemmitania, Eauz, Liverpool England, Ariddia, East Spaam, Rejistania, One Red Dot and Oglethorpia as one of the teams who have secured their spot in World Cup 11. 12 other teams will join them and the two hosts, Warnocks Wizards and Total 'n Utter Insanity, after the other group matches and the playoffs are played out.

Audioslavia's Qualifying Matches:

Oddslavo HOME D0-0
Mattigool AWAY W1-0
Lynnwoode AWAY W3-0
Artemsia Absentia AWAY W2-0
Ice Reavers HOME W2-0
Aquilla AWAY L0-2
Big Butts HOME W2-0
Oddslavo AWAY D0-0
Mattigool HOME W4-1
Lynnwoode HOME W2-1
Artemsia Absentia HOME W2-0
Ice Reavers AWAY W4-0
Aquilla HOME D1-1
Big Butts AWAY D1-1

All-time stats:
[code:1:ec8ab1cf31]
World Cup IV
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

First Round
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania

Second Round
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

World Cup V
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi

8-Way-Playoff
L1-2 Moyk

World Cup VI
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

First Round
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

World Cup VII
First Round
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford

Second Round 18
D2-2 Errinundera (L2-4AET)

World Cup VIII
Qualifying
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

First Round
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

World Cup IX
Qualifying
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

First Round
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

World Cup X
Qualifying
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

First Round
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights

Second Round
L0-1 Kingsford

World Cup XI
Qualifying
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo
W4-1 Mattigool
W2-1 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W4-0 Ice Reavers
D1-1 Aquilla
D1-1 Big Butts

Total: P W D L F A GD
Audioslavia 113 54 24 28 172 113 +59

Random Stats:

Biggest Wins:
6-0 Vs Iuthia (WC6Q)
4-0 Vs Sycoes (WC8Q)
4-0 Vs Halfassedstates (WC5Q)
4-0 Vs Ice Reavers (WC11Q)

Biggest Defeats:
0-4 Vs Squornshelous (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs One Red Dot (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs Spaam (WC6)
2-4 Vs Errinundera AET (WC7)
0-2 Vs Lankydude (WC9Q)
0-2 Vs Aquilla (WC11Q)

Longest Winning Streak: 6 games (WC9Q)
Longest Losing Streak: 4 games (WC4-WC5Q)
Longest time without defeat: 10 games (WC6Q)
Longest time without win: 8 games (WC8Q, WC8)

Bogey teams:
Lemmitania (Played 4, lost 3, drawn 1)
Aquilla (played 4, lost 2, drawn 2)
Spaam (played 3, lost 2)
Zinkoland (played 2, lost 2)
The Belmore Family (played 2, lost 2)

Notches on bedpost (big names which have succumbed to the 'slaves :)):

Liverpool England (3-1)
Total 'n Utter Insanity (1-0)
Ravenspire (3-1)
Svecia (2-1, 2-1)
Kingsford (1-0)
Spaam (2-0)
Timway (3-2)
Halfassedstates (4-0)
Commerce Heights (3-0)
Nikea (1-0)

Random Facts:

For a period between World Cup 8 qualifying and World Cup 9 qualifying, Audioslavia had only won TWICE in FIFTEEN matches, with the wins coming over Clearwater and Bullionien.

In 113 games, Audioslavia have been defeated by 2 or more goals only six times, all of which are in the 'biggest defeats' list.
[/code:1:ec8ab1cf31]

The Belmore Family

18-01-2004, 20:25

A Double Post

All-time stats:
[code:1:5f5e7b1d96]
snip
[/code:1:5f5e7b1d96]

Perhaps you could condense it a bit.

Also-At least you used the word almost.

18-01-2004, 20:28

IC from the Kangaroo:

WE'RE ON THE PLANE TO SOMEWHERE...

Kaze Progressa now know they are going to the World Cup. They do not know where they are going, however.

Following the resignation of Total n Utter Insanity from the leadership of the World Cup Committee and the claims of the nation departing the international football arena, it is unclear whether Warnocks Wizards has the infrastructure to host the World Cup alone.

'Even with highly advanced magic, I doubt that new stadia could be built in Warnocks Wizards between now and the Cup,' said Progressan stadium expert Nubia Virazek. 'And there is probably a need for at least two new large stadia - capacity over 60,000 - in the country to host the event single-handedly'.

Warnocks Wizards has an option on its contract alongside TnUI to hand over the hosting to the runners-up of the WCC vote for hosting of this Cup - Rejistania and The Belmore Family - and it is not yet clear whether this will be invoked.

Other wild rumours relate to the still-popular philosophy that the results are generated by complex spreadsheets. According to the 'Excellites', TnUI is the only one who has the spreadsheet, and will not send it to WW. This in turn would give the Belmore-Rejistania alliance - who have their own spreadsheet - the hosting rights.

The uncertainty has meant the odds of a host in the final for the fourth Cup in a row have lengthened from 1-7 to 1-5 with Progressan bookmakers GetLucky.

Globmazh Angry with “Crazed Regressive” Rumour-Mongering

National Football Chairman Condemns Fallacious Reports in the Hopping Marsupial

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–National Football Chairman Globmazh the Mean today rubbished media reports from the nation of Kaze Progressa. In an article in that nation’s Kangaroo, an unnamed writer claimed that world cup organisation is in disarray. Apparently, the writer believed that Total n Utter Insanity has resigned its involvement in World Cup 11, which could not be further from the truth. The article in the Hopping Marsupial also included criticism of Warnocks Wizards’ footballing infrastructure. To address the fell claims of the Kangaroo, Globmazh organised a press conference:

Globmazh the Mean: “Today, I stand before you an angry Uruk. My traditional morning habit of reading my newspapers with my tea and scones was ruined by this claptrap I came across. Some comical Kaze Progressa newssheet, the Kangaroo, printed the most nonsensical lies and innuendo about the World Cup. To dispel this hoppingly-mad marsupial feces, Total n Utter Insanity is still very much an active partner with our Empire in co-hosting World Cup 11. As we are meeting here, representatives from both TnUI and WW are discussing various issues about the cup. The World Cup will go ahead as scheduled.

Moreover, I’d just like to respond to the nonsense being spouted by the self-appointed Crazed Regressive stadium expert Nubbin Virus. This clown claims that the Enlightened Empire of Warnocks Wizards, a nation of 684 million, a nation with a long-established football system including the One Ring Premiership and two lower leagues of professional football, a nation which has just been elected UN Delegate for the Region of Middle Earth, does not have the ability or infrastructure to host a World Cup?

Frankly, the Crazed Regressives owe the world cup organisers from TnUI and WW something of an apology. After all, this is the same nation that recently argued at a World Cup Committee meeting that host nations should have control of a World Cup and should not be criticised, yet here they are stirring up rumour and innuendo and slating the hosts. I will be waiting for that apology, although won’t be holding my breath...”

With that, Globmazh strolled away from the podium and ended his statement. He was clearly not a pleased Uruk.

Thrakhak the Slinger,
reporting for WW1

Oglethorpia

19-01-2004, 01:23

DUBBEL PSOT :evil:

Oglethorpia

19-01-2004, 01:24

TRIPPEL PSOT!!! :evil: :roll:

Oglethorpia

19-01-2004, 01:25

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Magic bus crashes like thunder
Wonderteam-traveling bus involved in not-so-deadly Expressway accident

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Picture Megalopolis Hills, and the stretch of Expressway that runs through it, culminating in a spectacular view over a precarious cliffside. Or not so spectacular, if you're in a decade-old Amalgamated Motors Quadrorover 3000 bus that's about to plumett off said cliff. Luckily for Coach Picciotto, Driver Frank Dahmer, Financial Manager Mike Fuschia and the rest of the Wonderteam, hours of searching stumbled upon the stricken Oglethorpian national side (with full supporting staff) who miraculously survived the 1,355 foot plunge from the cliff down to the basin it overlooks.

Wonderteam Financial Manager Mike Fuschia recounts the events leading up to the crash in his own words. "One minute it seems like we're just hummin' along, fine, then the bus does this 360 and dumps over this huge cliff. If there was anything to be heard while we were falling, Butch Beige silenced it with his deafening screech in complete, utter and sheer terror."

"No kidding," said team captain Fernando Green later after everyone had been removed from the destroyed Quadrorover 3000 bus and given a clean bill of health miraculously. "Beige was back there screamin' like a girl."

"I was not, quote, 'screaming like a girl.' The threat was very real at that point in time," said Beige in his defense.

Driver Frank Dahmer was later exculpated of any wrongdoing, a Widespread Nationwide Police report later citing that road conditions were "shitty as hell." "Told ya," said the haggard old driver.

The bus was heading back to Megalopolis City after the match in Dark Outcasts, prior to the unexpected detour from the top of a cliff to it's base. While the Wonderteam survived, by some act of Bejeezus, the bus did not -- perhaps the 1,355 foot plunge soundly knocking the 'magic' out of the 'Magic Bus' once and for all.

"If you ask me," said Kingsforder Gypsy & Fortune Teller Phil Green, "the Magic Bus is what saved them. Because it's magic."

One of the bus's selling points was that it "rolled like thunder." Following the match vs. Dark Outcasts, Oglethorpia's traveling bus crashed like thunder, leaving the antiquated Quadrorover 3000 as an unrecognizable heap of metal.

"Oh well," said Financial Manager Mike Fuschia. "Guess we gotta go back to traveling by plane. That's ok, we've plenty of money as it is."

"We're SCREWED!" said avid Wonderteam fan and decidedly supersticious Oglethorpian Greg Whidby. "The Magic Bus brought us luck -- look at the 7 game winning streak. Now that it's gone, we're probably going to lose. Against Alex The Tall! And who cares if we're qualified? It just means we'll get slapped around in the first round. We're SCREWED."

It remains to be seen if Whidby's worst-case scenario prediction will come true.

Brazillico

19-01-2004, 06:37

OOC - Looks like I won the rights to the Harmony Cup by finishing so terribly in qualifying. I'll hold up until after the 3rd place qualifiers to see if Spaam or CH will be joining me in staging the event.

Squornshelous

19-01-2004, 06:48

A Double Post

All-time stats:
[code:1:19f26546ef]
SNIPZORED!
[/code:1:19f26546ef]

I take great pride in being at the top of the "worst losses" list. :twisted:

The Belmore Family

19-01-2004, 07:39

TBF National Side Beat Pavasia City Elementary

I, as the official correspondant for our national side, was surprised that we were travelling to a school field for our World Cup 11 Game against Pavasia and that their team was aa about 4 and a half feet tall. But still the team played on. Infront of a crowd of 6 rather bewildered parents te game got underway. Fosam Smith and Taking Gasmir could not believe thier luck when they were 7-0 up after only 5 minutes on what seemed to be a midget side. The winning streak continued, with Takin Gasmir scoring 23 goals in the first half, taking the score to 34-0. The team dominated the match giving them automatic qualification.....

....Or so they thought, it was infact the stupidity of the Pavaisian Government, mixing the Alan City Elementary school and TBF's maps up.

FINAL SCORE
PAVASIA CITY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL 0

THE BELMORE FAMILY 60

Dennisov

19-01-2004, 11:31

Manager under pressure

With the failure of the Dennisov to qualify for the main tournament, Dennish manager, Al Arbour, has become under increasing more pressure to resign.
The third place in Group 3 qualifiers means that Dennisov has only a small chance to qualify.
Even if the team takes this opportunity, the days that Arbour manages the squad seem numbered.

As of this moment it is yet unknown against whom the playoff will be played.

Iansisle

19-01-2004, 12:28

David Westmore supposed it was a positive way to end qualification, but the 3-0 win over Pablicosta felt more like a punch in the gut than a reason to celebrate. He'd known that the SuperIans wouldn't be advancing to the World Cup after their humiliation at the hands of Liverpool England, and there was really no way the result of this game could satisfy him.

He had brushed by the reporters and their flashing bulbs briskly as they shouted questions at him. The after-game press conferences were among his favorite things most of the time, but the hollow, empty feeling left in him after the Pablicosta game managed to throw away all the pleasure inherent in them.

On the way back to his small rented apartment, Westmore had stopped by a liquor store and picked up a bottle of cheap whiskey. Now it's warmth attempted to fill the void inside him, but it couldn't. His leg was hurting again, and he lay on the bed and cried. He cried for the pain in his leg, he cried for the blow to Iansislean football and honor, and he cried for the millions of people, including all of his players, that he had let down.

Just how long he lay in that dingy Upper Mansford apartment, Westmore would never be sure. It may have been hours, days, or even weeks. He dimly remembered Sir Gregory calling to inform him that his job was secure for World Cup XII. David didn't care; he hung up on the stuffy bureaucrat.

The sun was casting long shadows across the furniture when the phone rung again. It was Marlene, his wife.

"David?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you?"
"Here."
"David, are you drunk?"
"No, no...yes."
"Are you still in Upper Mansford?"
"Yes."
"Are you coming home?"
"No."
"David, no one blames you for what happened in the World Cup. You know that."
"They should."
"I'm coming out there, Dave. You need to be with someon-"

He hung up the phone again. Talking made his head hurt. A shot of whiskey cured the problem.

(An apology for my inconsistant posting during qualification is in order...hopefully, I'll have a little more time to play with come WCXII)

Giant Zucchini

19-01-2004, 12:46

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini ended World Cup XI qualifying on a high note, thumping Lubistan 3-1 and qualifying for 3rd. This match was also one for the statistitions, as Giant Zucchini played its 111st match in its glorious World Cup history. Lubistan started on a bright note, as they put themselves ahead early on with a counterattack from a Kerrnigit corner, Giant Zucchini conceding its 111st goal in its history. Before long, Giant Zucchini equalised, as Urk powered in a blistering long range shot, Giant Zucchini's 200th in the World Cup. After the break, Kerrnigit curled in a sublime curler and Phoot headed in the Zucchinis' third in the dying minutes of the game. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We are now one step closer to qualifying. It's not over yet. If we don't emerge from this next stage winners, this year's campaign will still be considered a failure."

Rejistania

19-01-2004, 14:29

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues avoid second defeat
The Orange-Blues have drawed their second match against the nation of One Red Dot. It was the 100th match for the Red Dots and so a huge number of fans came to SLS Promotion, many with counterfeit tickets. Some desperate ORD fans, which realized that their tickets were void wanted to buy tickets from the Rejistanian fans. They offered prices up to 1 million lil'kansu'ny. The rejistanian authorities later commented, that Red Dottian fans were: "nearly as fanatic as the rejistanian fans."

The 'Wolves had the better start against an orange-blue team that played very defensively. For the third time in the qualifiers, the starters were the ones, who are listed as starters in the roster. The Wolves had several good chances in the first minutes, but Syku Hexen was there to prevent the worst. Later, the rejistanian defense stood better and the match became more balanced. A free kick, executed by Marks'he brought the lead for the Wolves in the 26th minute. In the 37th minute, the Orange-Blues eqalized in a fast and unexpected counter. It was Su'he, who scored. Many people wondered why Xeseja Su is still a starter, after a declinig performance in the qualifiers, but he showed once again, why he is. In the injury time of the first half, the next goal was scored. This time, an error by defender Ijanhi'he gave the Wolves the chance to take the lead again. The 1-2 was scored by Johnson'he.

In the second half, the notorious 'System Hangila' was played again, again without success. OK, it looked far better to see the Orange-Blues attack fiercly, but the score didn't improve. Until the 83rd minute, the score remained 1-2 against the Rejistanians, but fortunatly, SyLy was the one to level it again after a corner shot by Linkosa'he. 2-2 remained the final result.

This draw was the first draw for the Orange-Blues in this qualification, it was even the first draw after the first match of the Supercup. After the very high number of draws in WCQ9, it was a pleasant streak for the Orange-Blues.

The result:
Rejistania: 2 (Su 37th, Lyku 83rd)
One Red Dot: 2 (Marks 26th, Johnson 45th)

Spaam

19-01-2004, 14:40

This Could Be Interesting

Spaam finished main qualifying session with a gritty away win against the
Belarussian States, Ana Milik scoring the only goal in the 60th minute,
coming from a Ferna Rékin cross. However, the result did not matter as
Spaam will be forced to playoff against another 3rd place team for the
right to play in the World Cup.

The 3rd placed teams are:
[code:1:0439bdef28]1. Busby
2. Dark Outcasts
3. Dennisov
4. Giant Zucchini
5. Spaam
6. Squornshelous
7. Antaeus Rising
8. New Montreal States
9. Commerce Heights
10. Anti-Nazis
11. Oddslavo
12. Kerla[/code:1:0439bdef28]

With teams like this to play against, most notable Giant Zucchini,
Squornshelous, and Dennisov, the road will not be easy, but for once, the
fans are hopeful.

Meanwhile, East Spaam qualified for its first World Cup, finishing second in
its group behind the great Ariddia. East Spaamanians are rejoicing
everywhere, as they anticipate great things to come. With any luck,
United Spaam will be a strong force in WC11.

Snub Nose 38

19-01-2004, 15:08

This Could Be Interesting
The 3rd placed teams are:
[code:1:23e4bf08e3]1. Busby
2. Dark Outcasts
3. Dennisov
4. Giant Zucchini
5. Spaam
6. Squornshelous
7. Antaeus Rising
8. New Montreal States
9. Commerce Heights
10. Anti-Nazis
11. Oddslavo
12. Kerla[/code:1:23e4bf08e3]
ooc: That's a tough group.

Spaam

19-01-2004, 15:09

ooc: That's a tough group.

OOC: You're telling me :?

Halfassedstates

19-01-2004, 15:13

Sowhatsville News back page
Defari Disaster Dents Dreams

After the torment of defeat by Oilermania to the joy of defeating Kingsford to retain a challenge in the group, the Halfassed football team, and all associated with it travelled to Defari for game 13 of 14.
The state of the group meant simply this - the winners of this match would hold their fate in their own hands, the losers would have to hope for devine intervention.
Halfassed hoped to avoid the same fate they had inflicted on Kingsford in the previous match. A good win followed by a defeat that through everything back into the melting pot.
As it was, the Defari side opted to humble a perhaps overly confident Halfassed side. Showing the kind of determination and toughness that used to be a hallmark of the early Halfassed sides, the Defari team pounded the visitors goal for the opening 20 minutes. It took some amazing defending and goalkeeping to keep the home side from scoring in this period. Ducks in particular showing extraordinary bravery as she twice flung herself into last ditch tackles that prevented certain goals.
After seeming to weather this barrage, Halfassed got caught on the break in a classic counter-attack. Lecter had won a corner, and the defenders went up to cause havoc. Unfortunatly, only Soap stayed back as cover, and when the ball was quickly cleared, Defari had a 3-on-1 that they converted. 1-0.
This seemed to cause Halfassed to lose heart, and with in 2 minutes it was 2-0. A simple through ball was missed by Ducks (possibly her first mistake of the campaign!) and the striker hit the ball past the stunned Jennung.
On the stroke of halftime, the game was over as a Defari corner was headed home at the near post. 3-0
Halfassed played better in the second half, but if truth be told, Defari had dropped down a gear and were happy to defend their lead, something they were able to do with ease.

It was a good day for Defari all round, as they jumped to second in the group with that win and CH's surprisingly being held 2-2 by Monkwearmouth. Kingford have wrapped up one of the qualification spots. A 2-0 win over WPM means they can no longer finish below 2nd.

[code:1:75ced5cbe8]
Group 9
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Kingsford 13 8 3 2 18 6 12 27
Defari 13 7 3 3 24 9 15 24
Commerce Heights 13 6 5 2 22 12 10 23
Halfassedstates 13 6 5 2 16 7 9 23
Oilermania 13 5 3 5 13 16 -3 18
Monkwearmouth 13 4 2 7 18 23 -5 14
EL CID THE HERO 13 2 2 9 9 28 -19 8
Western pie makers 13 2 1 10 6 25 -19 7
[/code:1:75ced5cbe8]

The game of the group on the final day of qualification will undoubtably be the 2nd v 3rd clash between Defari and CH. Defeat for either side would probably end their chances of even making the playoffs. Halfassed have to hope for a win when Monkwearmouth visit the Commonwealth stadium. While Kingsford will hope to seal top spot with a win over El Cid.

It is all quite complex;
If Kingsford win or draw they top the group.
If K lose Defari win and HAS avoid defeat, Def are top and Kings qualify 2nd with HAS in the playoffs.
If K lose and Def draw/ lose, Kings finish top.

If Def win they qualify
If Def draw and HAS don't win, Def qualify CH go to playoffs
If Def draw and HAS win, HAS qualify and Def go to playoffs CH go home
If Def lose and HAS don't win, CH qualify Def go to playoffs HAS go home
If CH and HAS win, it goes to GD to see who gets through and who is off to the playoffs. Defari would miss out.

Other headlines
Whogivesa Daily Sports Section
Hapless Halfassed Humiliated

Getoverit Gazette
Hopeless Halfassed Pay for Pathetic Performance

Bedistan

19-01-2004, 15:46

BSTV - Live Coverage - Gesamtkuntswerk vs Bedistan
with Joey Stanton and Amanda Butt

Joey: Hello everybody, and welcome to the national stadium here in Gesamtkuntswerk, where the Sturms are playing host to our beloved Bedistan Lions in the final World Cup 11 qualification match.

Amanda: And an important one it is, Joey. The Lions have been holding in an indescribably awful fourth place pretty much for the length of the qualifiers, and this is their absolute last chance to come back up to third and still have a chance to qualify for the Cup.

Joey: Captains at midfield for the toss...the Sturms' captain wins and elects to defend the left side of the field. And we are underway!

[30th minute]

Joey: So far, this game's been mostly a bunch of passing back and forth in midfield, no serious attacks mounted by either side yet.

Amanda: The Lions better get something going soon -- you know as well as I do they score more in the first half than the second, and I'd rather not have it left up to the second half to decide.

Joey: Gesamtkuntswerk's number 10 coming up the left side, he gets past Saravia, in on goal -- he shoots, Oldenburg grabs it -- but he loses it! Erik couldn't hold on to it, and it's 1-0 Sturms!

Amanda: Oh, that can't be good.

Joey: Nope. Not one bit.

[Halftime]

Joey: With the home team up one-nil, Barber is very wisely not making any changes to his lineup. I'm very worried, though -- the likelihood of our team scoring two goals in the second half isn't all that high.

Amanda: And we have to keep the Sturms from scoring again. It won't be easy.

[55th minute]

Joey: Saravia sends it over to Marley, he punts it up to Javier Lewey...Lewey continuing his run unopposed...he draws the keeper out -- and SLAMS it in behind him! Javier Lewey equalizes in the 55th, and it's one-all!

Amanda: Hey, we might have some hope yet. If Javy can do that again, or even if someone else can, then we're still in this!

Joey: Man, I sure hope so.

[91st minute]

Joey: The Insanician official has signalled for two minutes of extra time, and we're going into that now. Palin sends it up to Morlock, Morlock preparing to shoot -- but Number 4 takes away his legs trying to steal the ball from him in the box! The ref gives a penalty!

Amanda: Damn, we wanna go out in style, don't we?

Joey: Go out? Nah, we're not out. Let's see...Sippel takes the kick -- oh wait, he's still suspended, so it'll be Karen Neighbors instead. She can do it, she scored three goals against Creedence Clearwater last week...the ball is put on the spot, Neighbors stepping back to take the kick...she shoots -- DENIED BY THE POST! Oh...you have got to be kidding me...

Amanda: And that's the whistle. The Sturm supporters seem overwhelmed, as this will put them into second place in Group 6 and automatic qualification. The Squornshelans in the crowd looking a little disappointed, because their team now falls to third. The Bedistanis...well, they seem to have no expression at all on their faces.

Joey: I have nothing to say. From Gesamtkuntswerk, so long.

--------------------------

The Bedistan Sports Digest

...
The reaction from the crowd at the end of the line

GESAMTKUNTSWERK -- The score was tied at one with 90 minutes on the clock. As added time began, star forward Darren Morlock prepared to shoot, only to be taken down by a Gesamtkuntswerk player in the box, causing a penalty. With Fernando Sippel still suspended from his attack on Morlock in the previous Gesamtkuntswerk match, substitute Karen Neighbors was there to take the penalty kick. The Bedistanis in the crowd were perfectly silent as they watched Neighbors' shot bounce off the side post and out of play. The Lions needed a win to have a chance to move on. A draw simply would not be enough.

[code:1:9fcdb6b276](26) Gesamtkuntswerk 1 (<player> 30)
(06) Bedistan 1 (Lewey 55, Neighbors m/pen 92)[/code:1:9fcdb6b276]

For the first time in the nation's history, their national football side will not be present at the World Cup, to be held in Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards.

No team members could be reached after the match. And let's be honest, when a 7-4-3 record can't get you into the Cup, what is there to say?

Out with the Old, In with the New
Barber sacked, Lewis to take place as manager

AMISSVILLE, Lim. -- Following the 1-1 draw with Gesamtkuntswerk, Lions manager Gene Barber was shown his pink slip by the Bedistan Football Association. Apparently, the BFA had made their decision several weeks ago, but they waited until now to make it official.

"I can't blame them, really," Barber sighed. "After failing to reach the Cup for the very first time, of course they're gonna be disappointed. And yes, it's true that we've slowly been cruising downhill since Jim [Parker, Secretary of Sports and Games] retired [from managing the Lions]. I hope my successor can restore the team to its former glory."

And just who is Barber's successor? In a press conference today, the BFA announced that head offensive coach Johnny Lewis, who played for the Lions in World Cups 5 through 8, would be named to the post. The BFA also indicated that former player Jeff Whitehurst would become the new offensive coach. Neither Lewis nor Whitehurst could be reached for comment, but we're certain they are swelling with pride.

Lewis is expected to be installed as manager in time for the next rendition of the Cup of Harmony, to be hosted in Brazillico.

19-01-2004, 18:09

This is to inform you that results from the first leg of the play-off round have now been telegrammed to the nations involved.

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

NEWI Cefn Druids

19-01-2004, 18:24

The Daily Druid

"COULDN'T BEAT AN EGG"
Kevin Wilkinson on Dual Supporters 3 NEWI Cefn Druids 2

The daunting atmosphere of Dual Supporters is enough to make anyone lose their mind – but in the world of international football, this is not what it should be like.

There were no Druids fans in the stadium – after watching week after week, many had just got fed up or stayed at home. It is also a substantial journey between NEWI Cefn Druids and Dual Supporters. So, as the teams took to the field, ignoring the members of the press in attendance, only the Dual Supporters of Dual Supporters were in the ground, waiting to greet the teams.

The eerie silence was enough to confuse anyone. Even the national anthems sounded peculiarly distant as they rang through the near-empty stadium. It was so quiet, you could actually hear the conversation the Dual Supporters were having. “Do you think we might win today?” asked one. “Probably,” said the other, “’cause this lot couldn’t beat an egg.”

You could see the look on the Druids player’s faces as they lined up to kick off how unnerved they were by the whole situation. It was little surprise, then, that the first goal came from an early Druid error. Captain Tim Welsh was caught semi-bewildered on the ball, and the Dual Supporters number nine went through to score past a dazed-looking Druids rearguard.

After just eleven minutes, it was two nil to Dual Supporters. <Player 9> latched onto a through ball that the Druids defence just stood and watched, bewildered, and slotted the ball through a hapless Allinson’s legs.

The Druids started to pick themselves up after this, but conceded again on 29 minutes, this time the ball being bundled somewhat through the Druids defence for <player 10> to put away.

After struggling through the first half, the Druids came out as a different team in the second. Trevor Stevens made a double substitution, replacing both full backs for a centre back and a forward and switching to a 3-4-3 formation. Though they still seemed a bit lost, the changes seemed to work. Soon after the break, Simon Greaves somehow found himself through on goal, and though he scuffed the shot, it fooled the keeper and trickled into the net.

Soon afterwards, it was two. The Dual Supporters keeper throwing the ball straight to Trevor Unis, who couldn’t really miss.

However, these chances were rarities. The Druids seemed like they were lost for the entirety of the match, struggling even to pass to each other. Lucky for them, then, that the Dual Supporters team were not overly brilliant, for if the Druids had played one of the better teams in the world in this atmosphere, who knows what the final score would have been.

Unfortunately for the Druids, this defeat means that if they fail to win their next international, whenever that may be, they will be tied for the longest run without a victory in history (15 games). Though the record is very much an unwanted one, there are people in NEWI Cefn Druids who see their team as a bit of a comedy side, and to take this record would actually be something to be proud of. However, that is not how the team want it to be.

Final score:
Dual Supporters 3 ( <player 9> 4, 11, <player 10> 29 )
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 ( Greaves 49, Unis 53 )

Druids team: ( 4-4-2 ) Allinson; Kallins ( Unis 45 ), Pearson ( Lanton 45 ), Yates, Seaton; Simpson, Lee, Welsh, James; Greaves, Frederiksson.

Attendance: 2

Mattigool

19-01-2004, 20:02

Mattigool Sports

Gools finished as last in WC XI

(Goolsund) After they lost their final match at Ice Reavers 1:3 the Gools finished on 7th and last place WCXI qualification group 11. Although they tried their best, the were chanceless. Kristensen scored his 5th goal (total: 9:38). He was also chosen best Mattigoolian player in tournament by Mattigoolian journalists. 2nd became Klokset, 3rd (depending on the few matches he made) Gamsten. It was Goola Goolason last match as headcoach: "I hope that Alex Dunner will form a team that will meet the expectations of the brave Gool's supporters, who had suffered a lot during this qualifying."

[code:1:d5653d3888]
Group 11* * * * * * *
Name* * * * * * * * * * P* *W* *D* *L* *F* *A* *GD* *Pts
Aquilla* * * * * * * * *14* 10* 3* *1* *27* 8* *19* *33
Audioslavia* * * * * * *14* 9* *4* *1* *24* 6* *18* *31
Oddslavo* * * * * * * * 14* 8* *5* *1* *20* 7* *13* *29
Artemisia Absentia* * * 14* 6* *2* *6* *24* 23* 1* * 20
Big Butts* * * * * * * *14* 4* *4* *6* *16* 16* 0* * 16
Lynnwoode* * * * * * * *14* 4* *3* *7* *14* 23* -9* *15
Ice Reavers* * * * * * *14* 3* *1* *10* 13* 26* -13* 10
Mattigool* * * * * * * *14* 1* *0* *13* 9* *38* -29* 3
[/code:1:d5653d3888]

Brazillico

19-01-2004, 21:14

*Joining ESPN’s “Pardon the Interuption” in progress with Tony Kornheiser (Left) and Michael Wilbon (Right)*

http://espn-att.starwave.com/eoe/content/pti_topstory.jpg

Kornheiser: Welcome back. In this edition of Toss Up, Wilbon and I will debate some of the hot topics circulating after qualifying for World Cup 11 is almost complete. Ready for your weekly an ass kickin’ Wilbon?

Wilbon: Bring it old man.

Caller: Are you guys as tired as I am of the Bedistan Football Association’s whining about getting such a tough draw in Group 6?

Wilbon: Annoyed? Yes. But I do understand where they’re coming from. Tanah Burung, Squornshelous and Gesamtkuntswerk are all excellent teams who deserve a place in the World Cup, and to be placed amongst them has to be something that would really tick a team off.

Kornheiser: You’re right. This is a tough draw but I don’t know why the Lions aren’t happy with where they stand. They’ve won their last two games by a combined score of 10-1. They’re in a win and you’re in situation… They control their own destiny… What’s to complain about?

Wilbon: It’s not the situation they’re complaining about… it’s the group they were placed in.

Kornheiser: But can you not tell me that it is that kind of situation you live to play the game for? Those must-win games when you have your backs against the wall and you need to dig deeper than you have ever dug to find the strength to persevere?

*DING*

Caller: Now that Kaze Progressa and Lemmitania have both won their respective groups, who do you like to go farther, the dominant Progressans, or the scrappy Lemmings?

Kornheiser: I like the Lemmings! They were appearing to be out of the tournament and then came together, fought hard, won some crucial matches and now they’ve made it to the cup.

Wilbon: First of all, I think both of these teams will do well, but I’ll tell you why Kaze Progressa will do better. 10-1-2 in qualifying, with the only loss coming in their first game against Ravenspire. Group 5 was being billed as one of the harder groups...

Kornheiser: But Group 1 turned out to be the deepest group in qualifying with five teams collecting over 20 points.

Wilbon: But in Group 5, any given team, except Belarussian States could win on any given day.

*DING*

Kornheiser: But none of them did against the Progressans or Ravenspire for that matter.

Wilbon: That was after the bell.

Kornheiser: Who cares, it was a valid point, I win.

Caller: Brazillico finished in 6th place in Group 5. Has this once great team been screwed over by the random number generators?

Wilbon: A random number is defined as a number aimlessly picked by chance. I want to know how can a random generator screw people over and I would like everyone to stop crying over these random numbers being unfair.

Kornheiser: Before you try teaming up on me with your friend Webster, let me spit out some numbers. Dead Man and One Blue Dot both finished above Brazillico. Dead Man made 0 posts and its most recent government activity has been 12 days ago. One Blue Dot likewise made 0 posts, and their nation is defunct. The fact that these nations can finish ahead of Brazillico is an absolute travesty and makes this system even worse than the BCS!

Wilbon: Although I think we both agree that the BCS needs to go, Tony… I think youère old enough to remember Brazillico in its glory days around World Cup 4 through 6.

Kornheiser: Of course, I was already out of the folks’ house by that time.

Wilbon: Ok, arguably no one was luckier during that time with the random number than Brazillico. You don’t think it’s about time they got some bad fortune coming their way.

Kornheiser: Absolutely not. There should be some system in place which takes into account RPing skill and frequency and takes it into account with the results. With the TnUI rankings almost sure to go after this cup, that means Brazillico will likely be ranked outside the Top 100, which I don’t like to see at all.

Wilbon: They hadn’t put forth a team in almost 20 years, that’s exactly where they should be!

*DING*

Kornheiser: Well at least this won’t be a total loss for them, it looks like they’ll have the Harmony Cup coming their way.

Caller: With all the talk about ranking systems and formulas going around today, which ranking system do you prefer?

Wilbon: I’m really tired about all this talk about these ranking systems. I say get one and stick to it.

Kornheiser: I believe the question was asking which one do you like best, and I have to say I really don’t know since they’re all flawed. I say we should take everyone’s polls, the KPB, Brazillico, Spaam, TnUI… average them all together and say there’s your ranking. That way everyone’s happy and no one whines any more.

Wilbon: As fair as you’re trying to be, that solution would only make a complicated system even more complicated. I think the Brazillico system may be glib, the KPB system is too complex for me to understand, the Spaam system is even more complex and who knows how TnUI tabulated his rankings. I think we should go back to the old way of counting rankings strictly on past cup performance.

Kornheiser: If only you cold hear yourself talk you would be titillated with the extreme hypocrisy coming from your mouth. The Brazillico System is a more complex way of tabulating rankings from the old fashion version which you are suggesting.

Wilbon: I’m well aware of that Tony.

Kornheiser: And you called it glib!

Wilbon: I was comparing it to the other systems.

Kornheiser: Yet to voice your support for an even more simple system!

*DING*

<edit>Caller: With all the hubbub involving mad evisceratomatoes, will you guys be eating any of these fighting fruit in the near future?

Kornheiser: I refuse to touch any tomato, evisceratomato or ESE ever since this warning on mad evisceratomatoes has been put out.

Wilbon: Come on…

Kornheiser: I swear, I no longer buy any products coming from United Spaam, Oglethorpia or Canada out of feat that I may well contract the mad evisceratomato disease.

Wilbon: The government has made repeated efforts to prove that evisceratomatoes are safe and I for one will not be caught up in this madness caught up with this luscious and delicious fruit. I had several evisceratomatoes earlier today in fact and I don’t believe anyone has had any serious injuries from this alledged “mad evisceratomato”.

Kornheiser: Butch Beige.

Wilbon: He missed a game!

Kornheiser: Well how about that the entire Errinudundera (sp?) population got wiped out by ESEs!

Wilbon: That’s ridiculous.

Kornheiser: Can you find a better explanation for that nation getting wiped off the map?

Wilbon: How about the theory that all World Cup champions sink into the ocean.

Kornheiser: Now you’re being ridiculous.

*DING*

Kornheiser: Well we gotta go to break boys and girls. Wilbon, you put up a good fight but I’m still on top. After the break Stat Boy will tell us where we messed up and we’ll top it off with the big finish.

Brazillico

19-01-2004, 21:14

Oh well... First double post of the tournament.

<edit>Might as well make use of it

HARMONY CUP 3:
http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=116869

Oglethorpia

19-01-2004, 21:52

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Skeptics silenced
Oglethorpia increases record to 11-2-1 with matchday 14 victory

By Bill Christmas

ALEX THE TALL (BT) -- Skeptics were, well -- skeptical about the Wonderteam's matchday 14 game against Alex The Tall following the crash of the Magic Bus, citing player fatigue after the incident. Still others, namely decidedly supersticious Wonderteam fans, repeatedly declared that the Magic Bus was the source of Oglethorpia's luck -- referencing the 7 game winning streak -- and that matchday 14 was doomed to end in a loss at the hands of Alex The Tall without the Magic Bus. Coach Picciotto made his own attempts to put down such talk going around about this and that about luck and karma.

"We're just going to play a good game of football, like we have been doing the past seven matches," Picciotto said.

Taking to the field, the Wonderteam would soundly prove naysayers wrong early on in the match vs. Alex The Tall.

Finding themselves in a stadium of 10,000, not even filled to capacity, Wonderteam officials would soon learn that this was the so-named Alex The Tall National Stadium. Despite playing before the 2nd smallest crowd ever [Read: Gmlac National Stadium, 8 people] Oglethorpia would play to their standards that had earned them the seven victories prior to the match.

Early on in the match the Wonderteam would falter, drawing a stupid red card -- of course, the fault of #2 defender Butch Beige.

An Alex The Tall offensive run found it's way downfield, inside the goalkeeper's box -- Butch Beige drawing the red, he was sent off leaving Oglethorpia with 10 men and Alex The Tall with a penalty kick. In the fourth, Alex The Pitifully Short would sneak it in past Yamamoto-san giving them the early lead.

Quickly rebounding, a skilled midfield of Floyd Black, Jerome Furukawa, Baltasar Gray and Fernando Green would send the ball down to the other side of the field. Unsuccessful volleys by both Jorge White and Torrence Black were finally finished off by Kirk Calhoun who finally put the ball in the back of the net in the 7th minute.

"Both me and Torrence missed," said White midly dismally. "Luckily Calhoun was there to put it in."

Jorge White was not informed that "both me and Torrence" is bad grammar, for Jorge White has been known to lash out in anger when informed of his grammatical mistakes.

With the match all even after a goal by Alex The Tall in the 4th and Oglethorpia in the 7th, the match came to somewhat of a standstill -- until Oglethorpia and it's defense, now down to two men with Beige sent off, saw a near goal by Alex The Tall, Yamamoto-san failing to get a good hold on it, the ball luckily rolling out of bounds for a corner. Here, the Wonderteam would execute and clear the ball with all possible speed.

The match would go to the half with no more action on either side, Oglethorpia 1 - 1 Alex The Tall.

The Wonderteam wouldn't make anything happen in the second half, until in the 61st Torrence Black would be setup for a run on goal by midfielder Fernando Green -- Black was later blatantly tripped by Alex The Tall Defender Goonie #3, earning himself a red card -- both sides down to 10 men apiece.

The 68th minute would see a second goal on the part of Oglethorpia. Wonderteam striker Jorge White was pinned down to the left side of the pitch -- a cross to center field would be headed in by a diving Torrence Black to put the ball right by Alex The Tall's kepper, Oglethorpia up 2-nil in the 68th.

"I wasn't sure if i'd even hit the ball," said Black after the match. "I guess I just got lucky on that one."

"That was pretty cool," commented White on Black's diving header. "It was one of those sports-show highlight type-goals, one they'll show over and over."

The crowd of 1,200 would see the match go to fulltime with the Oglethorpian Wonderteam securing a 2-1 victory over the Alex The Tall, concluding World Cup 11 qualifying for the Wonderteam who would go on to the Cup proper, and sending Alex The Tall home to train for another 4 years to attempt to qualify for World Cup 12.

"Everyone played a good game today," said a pleased coach Guy Picciotto after the match. "Yamamoto-san let one by, but considering in 14 matches he's only let in 4, we're doing pretty damn well."

Ken'Ichi Yamamoto's pleased with his playing. "Only one of those goals led to a loss, so I think i'm playing pretty well. As long as I keep it up and Jorge [White] and Torrence keep scoring goals, we should be doing fine in the Cup proper."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

[b]Oglethorpia - 2 (K. Calhoun 7th, T. Black 68th)
Alex The Tall - 1 (Alex The Pitifully Short 4th)

NationStates Jolt Archive

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