NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup XI Role Play Thread (Finals: The Final)

Pages : [1] 2 3
Total n Utter Insanity
02-01-2004, 07:25
World Cup XI
Hosted by Total n Utter Insanity and Warnock Wizards

Here is the draw for World Cup XI Qualifying. The draw took place on IRC @ 23:30 GMT on the First of January 2004 and ended 50 minutes later. Rejis was present for the draw.

Avenging Altos
The Weegies

Dark Outcasts
Alex The Tall

Snub Nose 38
Belmorian Scandinavia

Giant Zucchini
One Red Dot
Peter Panarchy
Lanky dude
Shonar Bangla

Kaze Progressa
One Blue Dot
Dead Man
Belarussian States

NEWI Cefn Druids
Creedence Clearwater
Dual supporters
Tanah Burung

Europa Brittania
Stella and E
Antaeus Rising
Runaway Moose

The Tree Mountains
New Montreal States
Tony mag
Belmorian Foxworthia
East Spaam

Western pie makers
Commerce Heights

Liverpool England
The Lowland Clans
Cockbill Street

Big Butts
Ice Reavers
Artemisia Absentia

The Belmore Family
God Squad
Blood Devourers


1 v 2
3 v 4
5 v 6
7 v 8

4 v 1
2 v 3
8 v 5
6 v 7

3 v 1
4 v 2
7 v 5
8 v 6

5 v 4
6 v 3
2 v 7
8 v 1

1 v 7
2 v 8
3 v 5
4 v 6

5 v 1
6 v 2
7 v 3
8 v 4

1 v 6
2 v 5
3 v 8
4 v 7

Rankings List
1 Lemmitania
2 Oglethorpia
3 Snub Nose 38
4 Giant Zucchini
5 Ravenspire
6 Bedistan
7 Europa Brittania
8 Ariddia
9 Kingsford
10 Liverpool England
11 Audioslavia
12 The Belmore Family
13 Halfassedstates
13 Runaway Moose
15 Tanah Burung
15 Dennisov
17 Kaze Progressa
18 Nikea
19 Commerce Heights
20 One Red Dot
21 Aquilla
22 Warnocks Wizards
23 Rejistania
23 Squornshelous
25 Svecia
26 Gesamtkuntswerk
27 Antaeus Rising
28 Oddslavo
29 Dark Outcasts
30 The Weegies
31 The Lowland Clans
32 Busby
33 Total n Utter Insanity
34 Spaam
36 Eauz
38 Timway
38 East Spaam
40 Iansisle
42 Akbarland
43 Cockbill Street
44 SterlingIce
44 Lanky dude
46 New Montreal States
46 Keyshona
46 Belmorian Scandinavia
50 Morawny
54 Zinkoland
55 Defari
56 Anti-Nazis
58 Tranquillitis
58 Kravoli
61 Brazillico
69 Big Butts
70 Pavesia
74 Sliponia
79 Kerla
93 God Squad
104 Zeronia
104 Oilermania
104 Dead Man
119 One Blue Dot
150 Western pie makers
150 Vozvyshennost
150 Tony mag
150 The Tree Mountains
150 Stella and E
150 Shonar Bangla
150 Ravea
150 Ptolomy
150 Praying2God
150 Peter Panarchy
150 Pablicosta
150 NEWI Cefn Druids
150 Newcuba
150 Monkwearmouth
150 Mattigool
150 Lynnwoode
150 Lubistan
150 KOR3A
150 Jeruselem
150 Ice Reavers
150 Gmlac
150 Exetonia
150 East-Germany
150 Eaglet
150 Dual supporters
150 Creedence Clearwater
150 Cermania
150 Blood Devourers
150 Belmorian Foxworthia
150 Belarussian States
150 Beestings
150 Avenging Altos
150 Athamasha
150 Artemisia Absentia
150 Alex The Tall

Quick Links
Chat Thread (
World Cup 11 Roster (
World Cup 11 Scores/Tables (
World Cup 12 Signup (

More to come...
Liverpool England
02-01-2004, 07:34
Livepool England Get Easy Draw
The national team got an easy draw in World Cup Qualifying, however with an inexperienced team losses can be expected against Iansisle and Anti-Nazis. Oddslavo was drawn with giants Aquilla and Audioslavia, however it should be easy for them to brush aside smaller opponents. (tag.)
Commerce Heights
02-01-2004, 07:46
(OOC: *grumbles at the fact that TnUI isn't giving us the match fixtures or the pre-cup rankings* :roll:)
National Stadium Officially Opened, Name Revealed
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The 135,000 seats of Commerce Heights' new high-tech National Stadium were filled today for the official opening, days before the first event will take place there - the first home game of the World Cup 11 Bulldogs (opponent and date still unknown). The name was officially announced as 'Cliff Broquard National Stadium' and is sponsored by Air Paripana (CHSE: AIRP, OSE: ParA). The stadium is named after former Bulldogs head coach Cliff Broquard, fired after WC10's ending (a 3-0 loss to Audioslavia, denying the Bulldogs a spot in the second round) with a record of 28-7-14 in the qualifiers and Cup proper. The new Bulldogs head coach, Noel Hicks, gave a speech at the dedication which was of absolutely no interest whatsoever.
02-01-2004, 08:20
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Oglethorpian home venue prepared
Amalgamated Stadium set to see it's second World Cup

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Amalgamated Stadium saw 4 years of Oglethorpian United Futebol League action, but it's set to see Oglethorpian Wonderteam international futebol come World Cup 11, hosted by Total n Utter Insanity and Warnock's Wizards. Association of Futebol/Football officials have been quoted as saying "the stadium looks better than ever."

The 118,000 seating Amalgamated Stadium, sponsored by Amalgamated Industries and home of the Sheffingham Rovers' seen little overhaul, the stadium only eight years old after it's revamp prior to World Cup 9; we're lookin' forward to seeing Oglethorpia play in it.

More on the Wonderteam's WC11 bid as it comes.
02-01-2004, 09:57
"Not an easy draw?"

"It can be compared with the qualifying group for the previous WC.
Snub Nose 38 and Belmorian Scandinavia are our most obvious rivals."

"When will you announce the players who will play?"

"I already have the list in my head and have discussed it with most of the players I have selected. I just want to talk to each and every of the players before I make the list public."

"Can you tell us some names?"

"You will get your list of names after I talked to all of them, not before."
02-01-2004, 09:58

Orange-Blues go to ORD/GZ - three years too late
The headquarter of the RejisFA was in the state of chaos, after the group draw was announced. Maps, statistics and hundreds of contradictiory ranking lists were lying on the floor, on tables and on every other surface, ready to be looked at by some RejisFA officials. Hexen Imdila commented the group draw after intensive studying of said materials as 'intersting group'. He looked forward to play in One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini, even if he liked more to play there three years earlier in WCX. About the minnows, he said: 'We don't have the best balance against minnows, we lost or draw far too often against unranked or lowly ranked teams. I can only hope, that we improve this time.' He didn't want to comment on Lanky Dude or Morawny simply because: 'I don't have enough information about them'.

A shock for all Sikenian soccer fans is surely, that no match will be played in Sike kaletri stadium. The matches against unranked teams will be held in the Hanin Sekhika Stadium and those against ranked ones in the Sen-la-sa~o Promotion Stadium (both stadia are located in KaMaRi kali). No Sikenian denizen is lucky about that, but it is a result of the lack of support of the sikenian fans. The Orange-Blue fans were far too often a minority in their own stadium.

Group 4:
Giant Zucchini
One Red Dot
Lanky dude
Peter Panarchy
Shonar Bangla

MD 1: Shonar Bangla vs. Rejistania
MD 2: Rejistania vs. Lanky Dude (@SLS Promotion, KaMaRi)
MD 3: Rejistania vs. Lubistan (@Hanin Sekhika, KaMaRi)
MD 4: Rejistania vs. Giant Zucchini (@SLS Promotion, KaMaRi)
MD 5: Morawny vs. Rejistania
MD 6: Rejistania vs. Peter Panarchy (@Hanin Sekhika, KaMaRi)
MD 7: One Red Dot vs. Rejistania
MD 8: Rejistania vs. Shonar Bangla (@Hetkali Hetlasane Stadium, Hetkali, re-scheduled because it is the 50th match)
MD 9: Lanky Dude vs. Rejistania
MD10: Lubistan vs. Rejistania
MD11: Giant Zucchini vs. Rejistania
MD12: Rejistania vs. Morawny (@SLS Promotion, KaMaRi)
MD13: Peter Panarchy vs. Rejistania
MD14: Rejistania vs. One Red Dot (@SLS Promotion, KaMaRi)
Cockbill Street
02-01-2004, 10:26
Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Footballers Group Revealed
World Cup Qualification Tough, But Not Impossible

A mixture of experienced sides, world cup debutants and more solid old teams await Cockbill Street in their campaign to reach their first World Cup Final. Liverpool England was champions of World Cup 8, but their WCX campaign was rather poor, meaning that there will be chances for Cockbill Street to qualify.

Pablicosta, Beestings and Praying2God are some interesting newcomers, while The Lowland Clans is ranked 29th in the world, 6 places above Cockbill Street - expect some hard and tough matches. Iansisle joined up for the Supercup after World Cup Qualifying last time round together with Cockbill Street, and there could be some interesting duels there. The Anti-Nazis, while ranked as low as 59th, have had some good WC campaigns before, and will be a tough opponent.

To have a chance of qualifying, Cockbill Street must finish in the top three in their group - a tough, but not quite impossible task. If the team finishes third, there will be a play-off against another third-placed team.
The Belmore Family
02-01-2004, 11:24
Who are they?

The Belmore Family has had an incredibly lucky draw for the World Cup Qualifying in which only 1 of the opposition is known to the Belmorian Intellegence Agency. When confronted with this fact the Prime Minister said
"We can not confirm or deny that there are several nations in the World Cup that the BIA has never heard of but we can confirm that player travelling to "less famous" nations will get protection from possible desieses."
The BBC Commentators for WC11 are expected to be WC10 players Thomas Wickersham and Alex Dunner making the spectacle even better.
Giant Zucchini
02-01-2004, 11:47

Giant Zucchini finds itself in World Cup 11 Qualifying Group 4, featuring none other guessed it...the infamous Lanky Dude. Everyone in the Group will be fighting hard to qualify, but I'm sure they will also like to thrash the nuts out of Lanky Dude. Also in the Group, Our World Cup X co-host as well as regional neighbour One Red Dot, as well as the relatively established Rejistania. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I wouldn't call this group a walkover. With teams like One Red Dot, Morawny and Rejistania in it, not to mention if Lanky Dude starts a grotesquely good run again, qualification from this group cannot be taken for granted."
NEWI Cefn Druids
02-01-2004, 14:53

Report by Trevor Willson

Head coach of the NEWI Cefn Druids national football team, Trevor Stevens, is confident that his team will definitely finish in the bottom half of World Cup Qualifying Group 6.

In a statement released shortly after the draw, he had little to say, his only comment being, "Oh bugger".

It is easy to see what he means. Drawn against such experienced World Cup Campaigners as Bedistan, Tanah Burung and Gesamtkuntswerk, bookmakers in Cefn City have already made the Druids a massive 500-1 to qualify. When the team's coach doesn't even believe that his team will make it, such massive odds cannot be without reason.

The Druids' group in full:

Group 6

NEWI Cefn Druids
Creedence Clearwater
Dual supporters
Tanah Burung
02-01-2004, 15:04
Jeruselem Government News

The national Soccer team, Jeruselem Crusader, was placed on Group 1 of the 1st stage of the World Cup XI.

Team captain David Becks spoke to reporter Jane Smith. "Our training is going well, but many of team are still recovering from old injuries. The youngers are keen and look forward to their first matches. To be be honest, we probably won't make it to 2nd stage, but we are here and only God knows if we'll do it".

Jeruselem Soccer Federation president was nervious about the draw and commented "There are really good teams in Group 1. We pray to God our team performs on the field against quality opposition."

Avenging Altos
The Weegies
02-01-2004, 15:14
Mattigool Sports

Day of Decision

(Goolsund) "I think, it could have been worse." was Coach Tore Rismo's comment after the draw of WC-qualification groups. Audioslavia, Oddslavo, Lynnwoode, Aquilla, Big Butts, Ice Reavers and Artemisia Absentia will be the opponents in Group 11. After the last two matches in 4-Nation-tournament against TBF and Kaze Progressa Rismo obviously showed grown self-confidence, although playmaker and captain Gamsten (Goolsund BK) will be unavailable for at least two games after his injury during the match against KP. Youngster Jan Ove Johannsen (Goolsund Drumfire), who showed some real good perfomances recently, will have to proof, whether he already is able to fully substitute his teammate.
In Rismo's oppinion the Mattigoolian are just outsiders, but "we will seek our chance". Ronny "The Hulk" Laursen (Starveanger Fotball, made two of three Mattigoolian goals in 4 nation tournament since) also looks confidently into the near future. "I think, we'll make it somehow to the play-offs. Then we'll see." Gamsten regrets that he won't be able to play in the first matches, but didn't want to comment the strength of the other teams. Sundpark Stadium is looking forward to see the winning Gools.
But the first game will be at Lynnwoode, like Mattigool they are new to WC.
Goolsund will see the Gools first home match on 2nd matchday. The Slaves from Audioslavia will be a real challenge. A draw would be a success.
Match 01: Lynnwoode - Mattigool
Match 02: Mattigool - Audioslavia
Match 03: Mattigool - Oddslavo
Match 04: Aquilla - Mattigool
Match 05: Mattigool - Big Butts
Match 06: Art.Absentia - Mattigool
Match 07: Mattigool - Ice Reavers

Match 08: Mattigool - Lynnwoode
Match 09: Audioslavia - Mattigool
Match 10: Oddslavo - Mattigool
Match 11: Mattigool - Aquilla
Match 12: Big Butts - Mattigool
Match 13: Mattigool - Artemis Absentia
Match 14: Ice Reavers - Mattigool

This will be the team that will go for the first WC points at Lynnwoode:
Erland Klokset
Robin Bertheussen - Jostein Grande - Fredrik Nerbø - Jonny Grøtta Grav
Jan Ove Johannsen
Lars Iver Pedersen Raul Lindestad
Ronny "Hulk" Laursen
Robert Juliussen Alexander Kristensen

Sturla Ingolfsson, Stian Wiik, John Erling Monsen, Rolf Silseth,
Simen Sokol, Tore Moen
02-01-2004, 18:17
Bill Carter (BC): Good afternoon, all you sports fans watching us in expectation of the release of the World Cup XI draw for our beloved nation that is about to make its World Cup debut. Alongside me is Jim Anderson who will help us analyze the draw once it is announced.

Jim Anderson (JA): It's great to be here with you, Bill. I'm sure excited for the beginning of this World Cup.

BC: We all are, Jim. Just a moment...I'm getting word that Information Minister John Williams is stepping up to the podium.

John Williams (JW): Our nation now knows who our competition will be in our World Cup debut. Here's the list of the teams in our group (a powerpoint slide of the members of Group 10 appears on the screen)

Liverpool England
The Lowland Clans
Cockbill Street

JW: Remember to be patient with our team because its their first World Cup, and nations tend to do poorly in their first Cup.

BC: Well Jim, we now know who we're playing. How do you think it looks?

JA: Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat things. With all those veteran teams in our group, it may be hard to place higher than sixth or seventh in our group. Our Info Minister summed up the situation pretty well by telling the people to be patient with our team because of their inexperience.

BC: I agree. So how many points do you think we'll take?

JA: We'll probably take about 13 of a possible 42 points.* What's your prediction, Bill?

BC: I think we'll surprise some people and squeak out a 5th place finish in our group with 18 points.* 8)

JA: You're really optimistic. Have you watched the previous World Cups?

BC: Not really. Besides, I don't know much about soccer, but I expect to learn a lot during the Cup. Well, that's all the time we have folks. We'll now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

*-The opinions of the commentators are not necessarily the opinions of the Praying2God government.
02-01-2004, 19:35
Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

World Cup XI Qualifying Draw Released
Tenerethitel 'Not Happy' With Draw
by Markenin Markenel

QUELDAS(NP) - The release of the World Cup XI qualifying round draw was a positive for Nikean football fans, but a negative in the mind of manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel.

"There's only one, maybe two, decent teams in this group, besides us," the angry manager said. "Sure, things may look peachy for qualifying, but the players will be so used to playing teams like Tony mag that they'll get too overconfident and we'll be done in the first round of the finals again."

Group 8 consists of Ariddia, Nikea, The Tree Mountains, New Montreal States, Zeronia, Tony mag, Belmorian Foxworthia, and East Spaam. The schedule has yet to be released.
Kaze Progressa
02-01-2004, 19:57
(OOC: *grumbles at the fact that TnUI isn't giving us the match fixtures or the pre-cup rankings* :roll:)

OOC: KP/CH would've done... is the latter due to confusion on which ranking system is to be used? I've been away for almost a week, so I have no idea what's happening.

IC from the Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa drew possibly the hardest route imaginable to World Cup 11 last night, meeting bogey sides Ravenspire and Spaam and the legendary Brazillico in a group where only two sides automatically qualify.

The Ravens have met the Progressans twice in successive World Cup group stages, scoring three goals on each occasion in 3-1 and 3-2 victories. The sides' meetings in this qualifying campaign will be hugely awaited by fans who feel cheated after the Progressans were denied a late goal by a marginal offside decision in World Cup 10 just before the Ravens scored the winner. Had the 3-2 scoreline been reversed, the Progressans would have made the knockout stages for the first time ever.

The Spaamians remain hugely unpopular in Kaze Progressa after the 'puppet manipulation' incident in World Cup 9, which eventually led to the expulsion of the East Spaamian side who had qualified ahead of their masters. They defeated the Progressans in Hormel Stadium in World Cup 10 qualifying to end a record seven-game victory run, and their 1-1 draw in the return at the Progressair Stadium made them the only side to get a result in Kaza, although it ultimately proved to be insufficient after their humbling draw with Scaraba let Eauz through instead.

The rest of the group looks relatively straightforward in comparison; Belarussian States and Exetonia are newcomers and unlikely to prove excessively challenging; One Blue Dot were the laughing stocks of World Cup 8 qualifying and little sign of improvement has emerged since; Dead Man were easily beaten home and away by the Progressans in World Cup 10 qualifying, their humbling return to international football; and Brazillico, while unquestionably still dangerous, are a shadow of the side that defeated the Progressans, in their first ever international match, 2-1 - let alone the side that won two consecutive World Cups.

Faiwe Irafma, who scored in that match and has since retired from international football, says this group is 'in many ways, a nightmare' but says that the Progressans can still qualify and adds that matches against Ravenspire and Brazillico in the Progressair Stadium will be 'matches never to be forgotten... the atmosphere will be truly phenomenal.'
Kaze Progressa
02-01-2004, 19:58
If that was a double post, then the Progressans can win World Cup 11!
02-01-2004, 20:13
Paladins angered yet again

Derogatory comments by Nikea once again cause nation to band behind High Schoolers

Once again, a very good team in the Paladin's draw has made several comments criticizing the quality of their draw. Nikea has announced that there is only "one, maybe two decent teams in this draw".

Granted, this draw is a lot weaker than, say, draws 5 or 10. For this Paladin fans are extremely grateful. But still, group 8 is not be underestimated. Besides Nikea, Arrida and East Spaam are both veterans of World Cup action. The Paladins have a chance as good as anyone's in this one.

In the meanwhile, the populace is still irked at getting brushed aside by the favorite *again*. "Remember the Bedistan game" is the cry on the streets, and many are hoping for some just desserts to be served up like they were in the last tourney when the Paladins traveled to Bedistan and beat the Lions 1-0.

Newly appointed coach Renoir Archambault, who scored the goal against Bedistan, said this: "This is every bit as good a draw as I had hoped for. We have a mix of very good teams, moderately skilled teams, and promising newcomers. This is a perfect testing ground for a second-tourney program."

In the meanwhile the lure of the quick buck has had many States citizens traveling to NEWI Cefn Druids to bet 50 bucks on the Druids advancing.
02-01-2004, 20:34
(OOC: NMS, you were the "maybe two" of the decent teams I mentioned, the other being Ariddia. But I'll go with this idea :) )

Queldas Hikari - Sports - Page 2

New Montreal States Angered Over Apparent Nikean 'Arrogance'

The populace of New Montreal States is up in arms over comments made by Nikean manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel about the strength of the draw. The Pandas head man said that there were "one, maybe two decent teams, besides us,", and this has angered some teams in the competition.

"The Paladins were one of the sides I thought might give us a bit of trouble," Tenerethitel said upon hearing of the NMS uproar. "But if they want to use it as a rally cry, let them. We'll still win. 'Remember the Bedistan game?' Well, unfortunately for them, we have never lost to Bedistan in two previous meetings.

"The Paladins might hold us to a draw over there, but they will get no points from us on Nikean soil. That is a guarantee."

With such strong words, it appears that the Pandas' list of rivals on the international stage is growing. The New Montreal States uproar can be added to a list that already includes a friendly rivalry with Oglethorpia (although only one side's football director sees it as friendly), and an uproar from Halfassedstates following the infamous "Anthem Switching" incident, in which Nikean mascot Perin the Panda switched the Halfassedstates national anthem for Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back".

The Hikari would like to make referrence to when the Paladins will visit Nikea, but it appears that no one knows who will be playing who, where and when. A bit of a problem as the first matches are scheduled for later today.


Ariddia v. Nikea
Nikea v. The Tree Mountains - Losenas Field, Losenas
New Montreal States v. Nikea
Nikea v. Belmorian Foxworthia - Markeno Bridge, Straedias
Nikea v. East Spaam - Arieni Field, Arieni
Tony mag v. Nikea
Nikea v. Zeronia - Aseri Stadium, Miserias

Nikea v. Ariddia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
The Tree Mountains v. Nikea
Nikea v. New Montreal States - Interirien Field, Interiu
Belmorian Foxworthia v. Nikea
East Spaam v. Nikea
Nikea v. Tony mag - Arieni Field, Arieni
Zeronia v. Nikea
02-01-2004, 23:23
The Bedistan Sports Digest

WC11 Qualifying Groups Announced
Manager happy with draw

TOTAL N UTTER INSANITY -- The Bedistan Lions, ranked somewhere between 4th and 15th in the world depending on who you talk to, have been drawn into World Cup 11 Qualifying Group Six, which consists of the following teams:

NEWI Cefn Druids
Creedence Clearwater
Dual supporters
Tanah Burung

Here follows a brief rundown of each competing nation.

The Bedistan Lions - Debuted nearly twenty-five years ago in World Cup 5, successfully qualified for that event, and were soundly beaten in the group stage. Since then, the Lions have never failed to qualify despite a few close calls. World Cups 7, 8, and 9 were Bedistan's greatest, with the Lions reaching the semifinals three consecutive times. Unfortunately, they lost two of those semifinal matches, and they lost all three of their final matches -- to Svecia in the WC7 third-place match, to Liverpool England in the WC8 championship, and to Liverpool England again in the WC9 third-place match. The Lions exited WC10 early with an embarrassing loss to Antaeus Rising in the second round and will be looking to regain their glory.

Athamasha - Nothing is known about this team.

Squornshelous - Another team that debuted in WC5, they somehow managed to finish in the top ten in that competition. They have remained a fairly good team, staying in the top twenty the whole way through. [OOC: I think...]

NEWI Cefn Druids - The only thing we know about them is that they have placed 500-1 odds on themselves to qualify. They seem to lack confidence, and will most likely go down without a fight.

Creedence Clearwater - Nothing is known about this team.

The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms - They've been at it even longer than the Lions, and they were in Bedistan's WC5 qualifying group. The Lions and the Sturms have faced off several times since then, so they are fairly well accustomed to each other's style.

Dual supporters - Nothing is known about this team.

The Tanah Burung Crocodiles - A poll taken just after the end of World Cup 10 regarding the best match the Bedistan Lions have ever played produced some surprising results. The match in question did not occur after the Lions gained prominence in the world -- nay, it wasn't even the WC8 championship match. The Lions' greatest match according to the people of Bedistan was their match against Tanah Burung way back in the group stage of World Cup 5. That historic match saw the upstart Lions hold the Crocodiles to a 1-1 draw on their own soil. Bedistan and Tanah Burung have not met since then, and these matches are likely to be definite thrillers. Expect these two to sell out very quickly.

Also, BediStat* have released their official odds on Group 6 qualification (note that 2 or 3 sides out of the 8 will qualify):

Bedistan - 4-3
Athamasha - 150-1
Squornshelous - 3-1
NEWI Cefn Druids - 100-1
Creedence Clearwater - 150-1
Gesamtkuntswerk - 5-2
Dual supporters - 150-1
Tanah Burung - 3-2

* The Bedistan Gambling Service is out of business after their World Cup 10 fiasco. BediStat is now the most prestigious gambling service in the nation.
03-01-2004, 00:52
World Cup 11 Schedule for Les Bleus d'Eauz

*I'm assuming there won't be any BY weeks, otherwise, the schedule will be changed.

Match 1 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 2 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 3 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 4 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 5 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 6 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 7 : Sliponia @ Eauz
Match 8 : Eauz @ The Weegies
Match 9 : Busby @ Eauz
Match 10 : Jeruselem @ Eauz
Match 11 : Lemmitania @ Eauz
Match 12 : Eauz @ Avenging Altos
Match 13 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 14 : Eauz @ Sliponia

Predictions for Les Bleus in this Division :
[code:1:e2242bbd24]Group 1 P W D L Pts
Eauz 14 9 2 3 29 [/code:1:e2242bbd24]

Though, these are quite bold predictions for this team. Les Bleus reached the World Cup during World Cup 10, and the Coach is expecting even more, then a 1st round sweep up of Les Bleus. The Second year coach Samuel Napoli, helped the team acheive what it couldn't after 5 years of World Cup qualification.
Total n Utter Insanity
03-01-2004, 01:10
OOC: You've got the fixtures backwards. We use the Rest of the World Format, not the American one ;) Expect results later today, aka when I see WW.
Total n Utter Insanity
03-01-2004, 01:15
I hate the forums.
03-01-2004, 02:16
OOC: You've got the fixtures backwards. We use the Rest of the World Format, not the American one ;) Expect results later today, aka when I see WW.

OOC: I'll expect results once we've all agreed on a ranking system. :|
03-01-2004, 03:04
OOC: You've got the fixtures backwards. We use the Rest of the World Format, not the American one ;) Expect results later today, aka when I see WW.

OOC: I'll expect results once we've all agreed on a ranking system. :|

Preferably before WC12 :D (which will of course be hosted by us and Cockbill Street).
03-01-2004, 04:03
This is to inform everyone that qualification has now begun. Please visit the scores thread, as Matchday 1 results and tables have now been posted. Thank you,

Ufhur the Hated
Minister for Sport
Enlightened Empire of Warnocks Wizards
Co-Home of World Cup 11
Liverpool England
03-01-2004, 04:08
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 2 (Hearne pen 4, Christopher 70) PABLICOSTA 0

Liverpool England got off to a winning start in WCXI qualifying today winning at the Schimpol Stadium against a weaker Pablicosta side. After 4 minutes, Blackmore was upended and goalkeeper Mark Hearne scored his first ever goal for his country in his last World Cup ever. Howard Christopher finished it off 20 minutes from the end with a marvellous volley from 40 yards out, a sure contender for Goal of the Qualifying Campaign. It did not end well though, Blackmore going off injured with three minutes to play, out with a suspected broken leg, which could see him out until the last few qualifiers.
Meanwhile, Oddslavo started their campaign with a draw at crap Audioslavia. After Andriy Nemasch missed his spot kick in the last minute, Audioslavia fans could be heard sighing in relief for miles around as the ref blew for full time 0-0.
03-01-2004, 04:50
Bill Carter (BC): Welcome sports fans! I'm Bill Carter, and alongside me is Jim Anderson. We bring you all the sports commentary you could ever need.

Jim Anderson (JA): That's right, Bill. Today's top story is our beloved nation's debut in the World Cup with the kick-off of World Cup XI.

BC: I haven't seen this much excitement in our nation since it was founded. Jennifer Johnson has a report on how the opening match went for our team.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): Thanks Bill. Praying2God made its World Cup debut under a cloudy sky in the nation of Anti-Nazis. Both teams came out looking sharp, and the game was a well-fought battle that easily could have gone either way. However, late in the second half, a ball somehow managed to find its way around goalie C.S. Lewis' hands and into the net. Try as they might, our team couldn't manage to score the equalizer, and Anti-Nazis held on to win 1-0. Let's hear what Head Coach Jesus Christ had to say after the game.

Jesus Christ: I'm proud of our team. They played well, and never gave up the hope that we could come out of the game with at least one point towards qualifying. Anti-Nazis just managed to convert one more scoring opportunity than we did, that's all. Both teams came off that field winners today. :D

JJ: That's all from here, Bill and Jim. Let's send it back to you.

JA: I think the Head Coach described the outcome very well. Don't you Bill?

BC: I couldn't agree more. Our team sure made our nation proud. The close game should ensure that the stands are packed for the next match, here at home. :)

JA: I agree with you there, Bill. If they can play like they did today throughout the tournament, your prediction might not be too far off.

BC: Thanks Jim. I appreciate the compliment. That's all we have for today folks. Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for commentary on our home opener.
03-01-2004, 06:17
Paladins win after Exorcism Ceremony on field

Entire ex-national squad burnt in effigy before game

In an effort to drive off the evil demons that caused the 7 game losing streak in WCX, the IPA staged an "exorcism" ceremony on a flameproof mat placed over the new Paladin Dome field.

Members of the various High School co-ops that will play in these qualifiers each threw an accurate papier-mache sculpture of a former national squad member into the flames before the sellout crowd. Morris Cuthbert, a former reserve midfielder who went on to become a successful late-night comic with his show "Cuffed by Cuthbert" topping the ratings for NATC Network, threw a model of himself onto the flames.

The Paladins then flew to The Tree Mountains. The next day they posted a 2-0 win over the newcomers to World Cup qualification. The first half was a tough defensive struggle with the Paladin midfielders seeming to be out of their depth. But then sophmore Benoit Aitien and senior Leonard Plessis of Angebourg St-Jean scored early in the second half for the Angebourg Co-Op, and that was it. Seniors Renoit Isele of Angebourg rue des Gaulois and Trevor Smith-Jones of Grande Academie Marine spearheaded the stifling defense that gave the Mountains only 14 shots in the game. 5 of them went off the crossbar or went wide, leaving Angebourg St-Jean goalie Lucien Brevard-Boyer with 9 saves on the night, a solid performance by the junior.
03-01-2004, 06:58
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Zinkoland defeated in "one helluva match"
Oglethorpia's first World Cup 11 match at home ends 'strangely'

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Amalgamated Stadium saw an orthodox match of futebol -- or at least, as orthodox as possible post-bureaucracy clearing (as seen in World Cup 10) between the Wonderteam and Zinkoland. At least, for a majority of the match. Oglethorpia had remained even with it's opponent before a home crowd for the entirety of the first half and 30 minutes through the second -- that is, until the stadium was disrupted by a contingency of 24 nudists. In the ensuing chaos between streaker and secuirity guard, the entirety of the Zinkolandic squad would be preoccupied -- and keeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto would have the honor of dribbing the futebol all the way down field from his own goal into the Zinkolandic goal.

"That was nuts," said coach Guy Picciotto. "Nudists come in, and everyone was so distracted -- that is, everyone save the Wonderteam -- that our goalkeeper scored the winning goal in the 78th."

The game winner in the 78th amidst 24-parading nudists was Yamamoto-san's first in his career -- and likely his last, that is, should nudists strike Amalgamated Stadium again.

"I didn't really do anything," said Yamamoto-san. "It's cool to get my first goal, but maybe next time it won't be against a squad who didn't know what the hell was going on."

The nudists were later apprehended -- and later set free outside the stadium, at which point they returned to their antics.

The Widespread Nationwide Police released this statement: "Of course we're not going to arrest them. There are no public-indecency laws in Oglethorpia."

While Oglethorpia has secured a matchday 1 victory over Zinkoland, they're still 4th in group 2 -- behind Timway, Svecia and Dark Outcasts, who trounced their opponent 5-nil.

"We'll catch up," said team captain Fernando Green. "Still 13 matchdays left to put our powerful offense into gear."

Said Guy Picciotto, "that'd be somethin' if our goalkeeper was a part of our offense again."

(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 1 (Yamamoto-san 78th)
Zinkoland - 0
Commerce Heights
03-01-2004, 07:14
Bulldogs Go On Road For First Match Of World Cup 11, Hold HAS To Scoreless Draw
HALFASSEDSTATES - After the CHFF finally got a hold of the schedule for World Cup 11, the Bulldogs immediately borded a plane for Halfassedstates in order to play their first match there. Unlike the previous 2-0 win there (coincidentally, also the Bulldogs' first qualifying match in Group 9), neither team was able to get the ball into the goal, however hard they tried. Towards the end of the game, Quigley managed several shots at the goal, which might have eventually broken down the HAS defense had the clock not run out 15 seconds early due to various errors made by the officiating crew and the people running the scoreboard.
(19) Commerce Heights 0
(NA) Halfassedstates 0 - FT
After one matchday, the Group 9 table is as follows:
[code:1:6b9aa1cdfa]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Defari 1 1 0 0 5 1 +4 3
Kingsford 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Western pie makers 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Halfassedstates 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Commerce Heights 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Oilermania 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
EL CID THE HERO 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Monkwearmouth 1 0 0 1 1 5 -4 0[/code:1:6b9aa1cdfa]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #?? Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers
Day 3: vs #?? EL CID THE HERO
Day 4: vs #?? Kingsford
Day 5: at #?? Oilermania
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth
Day 7: at #?? Defari
Day 8: vs #?? Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #?? EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #?? Kingsford
Day 12: vs #?? Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #?? Defari
Statistics and unofficial rankings will be provided starting on matchday 2.

Other News:
Commerce Heights announces intent to host tournament for WC11 non-qualifers -- Page 7
Cliff Broquard considering coaching in NSL -- Page 8
03-01-2004, 08:20
OOC: You've got the fixtures backwards. We use the Rest of the World Format, not the American one Expect results later today, aka when I see WW.

Were you talking about this?

Group 1 P W D L Pts
Eauz 14 9 2 3 29

I was just doing this for predictions. I'm not going to add GF and GA and the differnce of the 2. I'm sorry whatever I did...

Les Bleus started off the Qualification period with a Tie against The Weegies(0-0)

[code:1:ec4514f6b7]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 4 0 4 3
Keyshona 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Busby 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
The Weegies 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Eauz 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Sliponia 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Jeruselem 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Avenging Altos 1 0 0 1 0 4 -4 0

Match 1 : The Weegies @ Eauz 0 - 0
Match 2 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 3 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 4 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 5 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 6 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 7 : Sliponia @ Eauz
Match 8 : Eauz @ The Weegies
Match 9 : Busby @ Eauz
Match 10 : Jeruselem @ Eauz
Match 11 : Lemmitania @ Eauz
Match 12 : Eauz @ Avenging Altos
Match 13 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 14 : Eauz @ Sliponia
03-01-2004, 09:09
(I'd like to apologize for my lack of posting today. It has been a very, very long day, and I need a spot of sleep - I can't even think straight right now. Rest assured, I will respond to this and all other threads tomorrow, but I need sleep. Apologies to all involved!

Special WC note: I have the utmost respect for Cockbill Street as an RPer (and consider him much more knowledgeable in the world of football than I), and I grant him any liberties he wishes to take with the actions of our respective teams in the game. Once again, sorry to everyone, and I'll see you tomorrow.

This has been an automated message from IanCorp, Int. ;))
03-01-2004, 09:25
Just one match's no problem -- and I consider your RPs above par for the course 8)
Total n Utter Insanity
03-01-2004, 10:20
OOC: You've got the fixtures backwards. We use the Rest of the World Format, not the American one Expect results later today, aka when I see WW.

Were you talking about this?

Group 1 P W D L Pts
Eauz 14 9 2 3 29


Match 1 : The Weegies @ Eauz

No I was talking about the @s you were playing at The Weegies not at home.

I'd like to apologize for my lack of posting today.

Another good thing about the RP Rank, you don't have to post everyday.
Cockbill Street
03-01-2004, 12:15
Special WC note: I have the utmost respect for Cockbill Street as an RPer (and consider him much more knowledgeable in the world of football than I), and I grant him any liberties he wishes to take with the actions of our respective teams in the game. Once again, sorry to everyone, and I'll see you tomorrow.

OOC: Thanks :)

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street Go Down to Ians AGAIN!
Hopes For Spirited Start Dashed

A spirited Cockbill Street side, not very much changed from the later matches of WCX qualifying, travelled to Westergate in Iansisle yesterday for the first match of the qualifying campaign for WCXI. The team, although weakened by the loss of Lars Golddevourer in defense and Chris Brashear up front, had found some solid replacements in Calcium-carbonate (better known as Chalky) and Tor Stronginthearm, who have both enjoyed a good domestic career.

Iansisle was a feared opponent, especially after the 2-3 loss in the supercup tournament during which our defense had faltered completely. This time, however, it wasn't the defense that was so poor - Iansisle were in fact lucky to get the two goals, as the footballers found back to their usual dreary and defensive style of football so favoured during WCX. The first goal was a very clear penalty, as Chalky made his World Cup debut by pushing over Brian Park in the penalty box after four minutes. John Copplestone scored his third goal against Cockbill Street, and the travelling fans were much dismayed.

Despite being 0-1 down, that didn't spur the team to unnecessary attacks. Iansisle controlled the game for much of the first half, and deservedly went into the dressing-room with a lead - even though their penalty was actually their only chance of the first forty-five minutes. Early on in the second half, however, Tom Stone found his way through the central defense and scored what must be described as a wonder of a goal - he dribbled off three defenders, before chipping it with a certain amount of arrogance over Jorn Axewielder in the goal. Two without reply.

This actually opened up the match. Cockbill Street tried to gain control of the ball in the opposing half, and did so with success - Harald Axewielder, the famous technical right-winger, was dominant on that part of the pitch - but of course Dolomite and Chalky persisted with passing the ball to Calcite on the left wing, who was throughly looked after. Tungsten-carbide got the best chance for Cockbill Street in the 81st minute, as a through pass from Adam Petisha was headed down by Tor Stronginthearm in front of Tungsten-carbide, but his shot clipped the bar.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 3 - Chalky 5, Dolomite 6, Harmison 4 (Eversham 66) - Calcite 3, Petisha 4, Lehrer 4, H Axewielder 4 - Tungsten-carbide 5 (Pollock 74), Stronginthearm 5, Quier 6.

Iansisle 2 (Copplestone 4 pen, Stone 54)
Cockbill Street 0.
The Belmore Family
03-01-2004, 12:43
TBF beat newbies 2-0

Daniel Price and Richard James provided the two goals last night in what can only be described as a bizarre match. The Ptolomy team had to borrow 7 Belmorian supporters to ensure the match continued. Sam Barker (Faci), Joel Eager (Dorminia) and Harry Mail (Sarah County) all started with Oliver Adams (Mussex), Fred Jones (Alan County), Noel Senior (Alan County) and Thomas Hardy all on the bench.

The rather slow and boring pace of the game produced several chances for The Belmore Family with Mina Patel hitting the cross bar after only 7 minutes. Other close chances came from Takin Gasmir who narrowly missed the target after a superlative run, Fimion Belmore who hit the post with a glancing header and Kshitz Ghandi's 30 yard stunner which the keeper punched away.

But the first goal fell to Dan Price scoring a simple goal when Joal Eager (accidentally) passed the ball back to him, leaving Dan 1 on 1 with the keeper and producing a nice strike under the keeper’s body just before half time. The next goal came to the unlikely boot of début star Richard James who had the easiest shot after the keeper couldn’t hold on to the ball after Mina Patel gave a beautiful low hard drive giving TBF an easy 2-0 win to start their WC11 Qualification campaign.

Dan Price (43), Richard James (62)

Alex The Tall
03-01-2004, 13:31
~Patriots of Alex The Tall~

And for the first time of ever the Patriots will play soccer in the World Cup, they will try to do there best to bring bring a medal in ATT. Everybody in the Republic are very exited to see our best stars Alex LeRouge, and our coach and president Alexandre Bolduc... The Patriots will be a good team and they wants sometings at the end of the tornements...
03-01-2004, 14:44
Mattigool Sports

Lynnwoodcutters massacre the Gools!!

(Goolsund) "This kind of "football" should be banned!" Tore Rismo stated last night after Mattigool's first WC match. And his oppinon is highly understandable. 9 of 14 Gools were injured after the match. Only 10 minutes after kick off young Johannsen had to go off, when one of these faceless woodcutters jumped with two feet in his ankle. 17 year old Simen Sokol had to play his part. It was just his 2nd match for the Gools and he'll never forget it. "Even those kapos from Stalag 5 [during last years U-18 regional championship Mattigool had to play against a very brutal team from Stalag 5 and won this "battle"] are angels compared to the Lynnwoode players." The already weakened Gools - Gamsten injured - were decimated again in 30th minute. Hulk Laursen left the pitch leaving just some teeth on the ground, when an Lynnwoode-elbow found its target.
Irritating the Gools by this kind of "footbowling" Lynnwoode was in the lead 1:0 after first halftime. Sokol made the 1:1, but when injured Grande and Nerbø had to go off in 75th minute, the gools were decimated to 9 players and Lynnwoode No 10 scored when getting a doubtful penalty.
"I hope we can patch up the boys until our next match against Audioslvia. But surely Gamsten will not play, and I doubt whether Johannsen will be matchfit again. Same thing with the Hulk. It's getting hard."

Group 11 (1st Matchday)
Audioslavia 0-0 Oddslavo
Lynnwoode 2-1 Mattigool
Aquilla 3-0 Big Butts
Ice Reavers 1-2 Artemisia Absentia

Group 11
Name* * * * * * * * * * P* *W* *D* *L* *F* *A* *GD* *Pts
Aquilla* * * * * * * * *1* *1* *0* *0* *3* *0* *3* * 3
Lynnwoode* * * * * * * *1* *1* *0* *0* *2* *1* *1* * 3
Artemisia Absentia* * * 1* *1* *0* *0* *2* *1* *1* * 3
Audioslavia* * * * * * *1* *0* *1* *0* *0* *0* *0* * 1
Oddslavo* * * * * * * * 1* *0* *1* *0* *0* *0* *0* * 1
Mattigool* * * * * * * *1* *0* *0* *1* *1* *2* *-1* *0
Ice Reavers* * * * * * *1* *0* *0* *1* *1* *2* *-1* *0
Big Butts* * * * * * * *1* *0* *0* *1* *0* *3* *-3* *0
03-01-2004, 15:07
Its Going To Be One Of Those Years

Few Spaamanians are confident. Even fewer critics give them a snowball's chance. Spaam has an uncanny knack of being drawn into the worst qualifying groups, but it seems we spoke too soon. Why, you ask? Well, lets have a look at the other teams.

Belarussian States and Exetonia. Ok, we don't expect too much trouble from these two. A three-all draw in the first game shows that their defense aint too handy, and so losing to either of these teams shouldn't happen. But you do know our luck.

One Blue Dot. Funny this.... here is a team, which only a couple of cups ago, was one of the worst teams EVER. So surely, even playing them away, it should be easy? We'll talk about the match later.

Dead Man. Only met this team once, and it was a quarter of a century ago. But they drew against us, and with the current state of our team, will probably defeat us.

Ravenspire. Also only met this team once, and in the same World Cup. We did beat them, but only thanks to two goals in the last 5 minutes of the match. This team is known to give a lot of other teams grief, and they're not even the worst in our group.

Kaze Progessa. Ahh, I hear you say. Ok, we'll prolly have a little bit of trouble against them. Heck yeah. They kicked our collective butts last World Cup preliminaries, and are known sympathisers to the Belmores. Can you spell F-E-A-R. But hang on, even this is not the worst we have to face. Who on earth could the last team be? Oh no, it isn't....

Brazillico. Shite. They're back. The best ever football team in the world, back after a hiatus of a decade or so. And if that is not all, we still remember what they did to us in WCVI. We were on a roll that cup, the best ever performace by a team in the first stage, conquering all before us until we reached the semifinals. And we played them. And we were humiliated. Three nil. They went on to win the World Cup. We have never forgotten that fateful day, and surely a repeat of that performance will occur. Perhaps the only comfort is that the coach of the national side remembers that day. Because she was there. And she is out for revenge.

So it looks grim. We might still suprise! Well, it looks like we won't. We played one of the worst teams ever last night, in their home nation, and we could only pull away with a draw. So I say, lets hope we win the bid to qualify for the next World Cup, and just block our ears for the next month.

One Blue Dot 1
(Britney Spears 69)
Spaam 1
(Ana Milik 44)
03-01-2004, 15:22
03-01-2004, 15:26

Orange-Blues win in Shonar Bangla
Rejistania again dissolved into chaos as the Orange-Blues started their run for qualification with a victory in Shonar Bangla. This country is not know as a hotbed of soccer, but co-coach Takil'he warned to underestimate them: "As long as we have not qualified, we are also minnows!"

The line-up had one surprise: Every Orange-Blue that was listed as starter did start. If you take into account, that Imdila'he was never a friend of the splitting into starter and substitutes and that in only one match in the last Supercup, all starters were in the starting-formation, this is a surprise. No surprise was, that the Orange-Blues played their 'System Imdila' a defensive 4-4-2. Both sides played very defensively, allowed no chances but also had no chances to capitalize themselfes. A boring first half ended nil all. In the second half, the Orange-Blues changed their tactics: They played the notorious 'System Hangila' (named after a former rejistanian co-coach) of the last qualifiers. Again, Inik Linkosa was the third forward. This time, it was successful: SyLy had a good chance in the 57th minute, but the Shonar Banglan goalie could parry it. In the 64th minute, he ad not that luck. SyLy archieved the lead by a header, shot by Linkosa'he. Now als Shonar Bangla played a bit more offensive, but the rejistanian defense didn't allow them to capitalize them. Sijij Kansu was changed in in the 73th minute and made his debut in the national team.

The result:
Shonar Bangla: 0
Rejistania: 1 (Lyku 64th)
The Belmore Family
03-01-2004, 15:32
Giant Zucchini
03-01-2004, 15:48

Giant Zucchini could not have started a World Cup qualification campaign worse, as they collapsed to a solitary goal to Morawny. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We have defeated them before, and we did not expect them to put up this much of a fight. We underestimated them, and I just hope my team does not underestimate our next opponent, seeing that we need points to get to a decent qualifying position."
03-01-2004, 17:35
No I was talking about the @s you were playing at The Weegies not at home.

Oh, well no one told me that we play like that. The last 2 world cups, they have been like

2 v 5 = 2 @ 5, so I assumed that it would be the same this time. And I didn't realise there was an "American" way of doing things. I lived in Belgium for a year and a bit and they would always show Team1 @ Team2 type of thing. So I donno... is this like a Spanish League system, or Asian league?
03-01-2004, 19:47
No I was talking about the @s you were playing at The Weegies not at home.

Oh, well no one told me that we play like that. The last 2 world cups, they have been like

2 v 5 = 2 @ 5,

no they havent :P

anyway, ooc:

crap 'slaves held against 'slavos
Mediocre perfomance from new stars

Audioslavia, giving first games to new stars Nandy Yale and Steve Maplin, slipped up at home to Oddslavo today. Audioslavia, as usual, had most of the posession, but failed to find the target as the un-fit Willow failed to keep the pace of the game, and Wayne Bury failed to break out of his cold-streak.

The game looked set for a boring conclusion as the 'slaves ran out of ideas in front of the impressive Oddslavo defence, but with one minute remaining, Oddslavo counter-attacked. Wilton and Branson had been caught napping at the back and Jackson had been caught goal-hunting, leaving Harrison alone against two hungry Oddslavo strikers. As the Oddslavo number nine tussled with Harrison on the edge of the box, the game's one and only controversy occured, as the striker edged out Harrison but dived most spectacularly on first sight of Harrison lunging for the ball. Sixty-five thousand and ninety seven people saw the most obvious dive in the history of football, but the sixty-five thousandth and ninety eighth person, a.k.a. the referee, somehow saw a hacking challenge. Harrison was sent from the field, and Oddslavo had the chance to give the world cup it's first upset. Luckily for the 'slaves, karma was in action, and the number nine who so spectacularly dived, slipped and hit the ball harmlessly over the goal. It was a miss of crapLiverpool England proportions.

Final Score

Audioslavia 0
Oddslavo 0

[code:1:ea277ef331]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Lynnwoode 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Artemisia Absentia 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Audioslavia 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Oddslavo 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Mattigool 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Ice Reavers 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Big Butts 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0

[u]Other games in group 11[/u]
Lynnwoode 2-1 Mattigool
Aquilla 3-0 Big Butts
Ice Reavers 1-2 Artemisia Absentia [/code:1:ea277ef331]

After one game, Audioslavia sit in fourth place in the table by virtue of being higher in the alphabet than Oddslavo. Aquilla's expected defeat of Big Butts puts them top, with Lynwoode and Artemisia Absentia biting at their heels after their 2-1 wins. Audioslavia play Matigool next, with the hope of getting their first win, and first goal, of the campaign.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.
NEWI Cefn Druids
03-01-2004, 20:01

Report by Trevor Askew in Squornshelous

Squornshelous 2 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

The Druids international footballing debut resulted in an expected away defeat today, as they went down 2-0 in Squornshelous. Though the Druids' performance was spirited, the experience of the home side was easy to see as they played the better football throughout the match.

However, the first chance fell to young Druid Björn-Trevor Frederiksson, who was put through on goal by stike partner Simon Greaves but forced wide by the Squornshelous keeper.

The first goal of the match came on 22 minutes, and can only be described as a bit of a freak. The ball had been hit long out of the Squornshelous defence and should have been simple for Druids' keeper Trevor Allinson to deal with. The Inter Dave stopper misjudged the bounce, though, and ended up catching the ball three yards out, only to lose his balance and fall headlong into the back of the net.

From that point on, the Druids looked nervous, as the home team peppered the visitors' goal with shot after shot until half time.

After the break, it was more of the same from Squornshelous, with Allinson making up many times over for his earlier mistake. The Druids were visibly growing in confidence, even mounting a couple of attacks of their own, until they conceded again on 64 minutes.

A Squornshelous corner led to a massive scramble in the six yard area, with four or five players ending up on top of the ball. Eventually, the ball popped out, only to trickle over the line into the goal.

That was it for the Druids, though they fought valiantly for the rest of the match with no end product. The difference between the Druids team at the beginning of the match and the one at the end was visible for all to see. If they continue to improve at this rate, then the fifth place target set by so many back home should be achievable.

Even coach Trevor Stevens, who seemed so downcast after the draw was made, seemed to have found something to be cheerful about. He told reporters after the game, "Our team has learnt a lot from today's game, and hopefully will continue to do so throughout this campaign. Our next match against Bedistan is another one from which we can learn a lot. To play such high quality opposition will hopefully bring the best out in my players. Also, seeing Dual Supporters getting an unlikely draw against Tanah Burung has made us believe that on the day, anything can happen."

Final score:
Squornshelous 2 (Allinson o.g. 22, Unknown player 64)
NEWI Cefn Druids 0

Other news, and the FANCD have released details of the stadia to be used for the Druids' home games in this qualifying campaign. They are as follows:

Matchday 2: v Bedistan at Bessburg (Capacity 12,000)
Matchday 3: v Athamasha at Inter Dave (Capacity 11,500)
Matchday 5: v Gesamtkuntswerk at Parkville (Capacity 21,000)
Matchday 7: v Dual Supporters at Brallton (Capacity 9,756)
Matchday 8: v Squornshelous at Cranbury United (Capacity 17,000)
Matchday 11: v Creedence Clearwater at Kirkanden (Capacity 14,000)
Matchday 13: v Tanah Burung at Cefn Albion (Capacity 27,600)

Asked why the biggest game of the campaign, against Bedistan, was to be played at a smaller venue, Trevor Simon of the FANCD said that it was to help with the dire financial situation in which the hosting team had found themselves.
Tanah Burung
03-01-2004, 20:49
Oh, well no one told me that we play like that. The last 2 world cups, they have been like

2 v 5 = 2 @ 5, so I assumed that it would be the same this time. And I didn't realise there was an "American" way of doing things. I lived in Belgium for a year and a bit and they would always show Team1 @ Team2 type of thing. So I donno... is this like a Spanish League system, or Asian league?

In the rest-of-the-world, there are two ways of listing fixtures:

2 at 5 : 5 is the home team
2 v 5 : 2 is the home team

Thus, in:
Dual Supporters 1 Tanah Burung 1
Dual Supporters is the home team. And must die on the return leg.

Match report to come.
03-01-2004, 21:06
Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

Doest that look better? Maybe next time people should tell us what system you are using, because I remember looking at WCX, and people posting their schedule, and I would check how the order was, and it was
2 v 7 and 7 was the Home team. Could we maybe even put into place an Official system, so that people know? I understand that in some leagues it's 4 v 3 and 4 is the home team, but when we start switching it, kind of beats the fact of posting a schedule.
03-01-2004, 21:08
*not a double post*

I think that if anything, at the end of figuring this out, many people will know my schedule. :lol:
03-01-2004, 21:15
Could we maybe even put into place an Official system, so that people know? I understand that in some leagues it's 4 v 3 and 4 is the home team, but when we start switching it, kind of beats the fact of posting a schedule.

the official system is the first number is the home team :) it will stay the official system if TnUI has anything to do with it, and i have a feeling he will have anything to do with it :)
Total n Utter Insanity
03-01-2004, 22:46
It's pretty simple you see if it says v or @ :wink:
QD2 Results coming soon enough.
03-01-2004, 22:46
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Pandas -- Wonderteam friendly delayed
The pre-WC11 friendly between Nikea and Oglethorpia falls through

By Bill Christmas

NIKEA (BT) -- "Orsentel lost that box of papers I sent him," said a visibly distraught George McDouglas. "Last time I sent the Nikean FA papers, I spent the whole of my budget making copies tryin' to get those Nikea-Oglethorpia forms filled out. I still haven't completed them." McDouglas speaks of the Oglethorpia-Nikea friendly that was in arbitration following World Cup 10, and set to happen before World Cup 11 -- but never materialized, with WC11 qualifying in progress. "It's unfortunate," said McDouglas. "We were looking forward to trouncing the Pandas."

While the Nikea-Oglethorpia record stands at 1-1-1 between the Pandas and the Wonderteam, Nikea boasts being the only team through qualifying to have not let a goal past by the powerful Oglethorpian offense of World Cup 10 qualifying -- on the whole of the Cup with a GD of +31.

"You have to remember," said coach Guy Picciotto, "that we did beat them 3-nil in the first round of World Cup 9," he reminds a Bureaucratic Tribune writer.

George McDouglas says he'll push through one more box of documents to Orsentel concerning the Nikean-Oglethorpian friendly -- which will hopefully take place after both sides are out of World Cup 11. "Hopefully, the Wonderteam will be in it for awhile -- but we can always plan ahead."
03-01-2004, 22:56
Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network Sports [channel]

A short minute-long commercial begins running on the station with well-known (and infamous) Oglethorpian commentator Mike White.

MIKE WHITE: Hey folks. Some of you are using the primitive technology of phpBB.

Long have Oglethorpian IT business men and analysts languished over it's shortcomings -- notably phantom pages, of which we all loathe and hate.

However, it's a problem that you -- me -- and this small rodent-

[A picture of a small rodent is shown.]

Can all work towards fixing.

How, you ask? How can we fix this problem?

We'll i'll tell you.


It seriously messes things up for the rest of us.

Thank you. Now we will return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

But not before showing you the picture of that lovable rodent again.

[The picture of the small rodent is shown again.]

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
03-01-2004, 22:58
"Lemmitania and Dark Outcasts are my powerhouse favorites", says the President of Garrard, Aaron Desoto, whose Garrardian Vipers will be entering World Cup 12 as newbies.
Total n Utter Insanity
03-01-2004, 23:39
Match Day 2 (
04-01-2004, 00:55
Lucky Late Goal Sinks Mattigool
'slaves' shakey start sustained

Audioslavia travelled to Mattigool needing a couple of goals to boost the side's confidence after a poor first game and lack of pre-season training. For 88 minutes of the game, it looked like they wouldnt get it.

It was a scrappy match from the off, with Audioslavia's Yale, Jackson, Shearer and Bury picking up yellow cards along with Mattigool's Lindestad, Grande, Wiik and Kristensen. Half-time came and went with the score goaless and the match eventless apart from a scuffed shot by Bury and a close chip by young Mattigool striker Alexander Kristensen.

The 'slaves seemed to lose their determination in the second half, something which the Mattigool players also noticed and responded by pressurising the tired Audioslavian players. Kristensen again came close as he curled a ball round the post, whilst the best chance of the game fell to Rolf Silseth, who blasted his clear shot straight at keeper Pedder.

As time went by, Audioslavia started finding their feet in the fast-paced match, and the defence started dealing with the dangerous Mattigool strike-force. Unfortunately, Willow and Bury were still out of sorts, and, for the first time in a while, were both substituted. The two replacements, super-sub Gary King and controversial new-boy Craig Belmore (who's father was from rivals The Belmore Family, creating much ado among the 'slave faithful) experienced slightly more success against Mattigool's defence, breaking it down more often as the game's balance of power shifted slowly towards the 'slaves.

The only goal of the game went to the 'slaves in the 88th minute, as Gary King strengthened calls to give him a first-team place as he put the 'slaves ahead with a cool finish. Craig Belmore also came close at the death, beating the keeper but pushing his shot wide under pressure.

Final Score

Audioslavia 1 (King 88)
Mattigool 0

[code:1:dceaaa76f9]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 2 2 0 0 5 0 5 6
Oddslavo 2 1 1 0 2 0 2 4
Audioslavia 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
Lynnwoode 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
Artemisia Absentia 2 1 0 1 2 3 -1 3
Ice Reavers 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
Big Butts 2 0 1 1 0 3 -3 1
Mattigool 2 0 0 2 1 3 -2 0

Other group 11 results:
Oddslavo 2 Lynnwoode 0
Artemisia Absentia 0 Aquilla 2
Big Butts 0 Ice Reavers 0

Aquilla's win gives them a two-point lead at the top, ahead of Oddslavo who also won today. Mattigool sink to the bottom of the table as Big Butts and Ice Reavers played out a score-less draw. Audioslavia go to third.

Audioslavia now play Lynnwoode away.

World Cup IV
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

First Round
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania

Second Round
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

World Cup V
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi

L1-2 Moyk

World Cup VI
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

First Round
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

World Cup VII
First Round
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford

Second Round 18
D2-2 Errinundera (L2-4AET)

World Cup VIII
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

First Round
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

World Cup IX
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

First Round
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

World Cup X
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

First Round
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Total 'n Utter Insanity
W3-0 Commerce Heights

Second Round
L0-1 Kingsford

World Cup XI
D0-0 Oddslavo
W1-0 Mattigool
W3-0 Lynnwoode
W2-0 Artemsia Absentia
W2-0 Ice Reavers
L0-2 Aquilla
W2-0 Big Butts
D0-0 Oddslavo

Total: P W D L F A GD
Audioslavia 107 47 22 28 158 109 +49

Random Stats:

Biggest Wins:
6-0 Vs Iuthia (WC6Q)
4-0 Vs Sycoes (WC8Q)
4-0 Vs Halfassedstates (WC5Q)
4-1 Vs Jay Cutter (WC6Q)

Biggest Defeats:
0-4 Vs Squornshelous (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs One Red Dot (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs Spaam (WC6)
2-4 Vs Errinundera AET (WC7)
0-2 Vs Lankydude (WC9Q)
0-2 Vs Aquilla (WC11Q)

Longest Winning Streak: 6 games (WC9Q)
Longest Losing Streak: 4 games (WC4-WC5Q)
Longest time without defeat: 10 games (WC6Q)
Longest time without win: 8 games (WC8Q, WC8)

Bogey teams:
Lemmitania (Played 4, lost 3, drawn 1)
Zinkoland (played 2, lost 2)
The Belmore Family (played 2, lost 2)
Spaam (played 3, lost 2)
Aquilla (played 3, lost 2, drawn 1)

Notches on bedpost (big names which have succumbed to the 'slaves :)):

Liverpool England (3-1)
Total 'n Utter Insanity (1-0)
Ravenspire (3-1)
Svecia (2-1, 2-1)
Kingsford (1-0)
Spaam (2-0)
Timway (3-2)
Halfassedstates (4-0)
Commerce Heights (3-0)
Nikea (1-0)

Random Facts:

For a period between World Cup 8 qualifying and World Cup 9 qualifying, Audioslavia had only won TWICE in FIFTEEN matches, with the wins coming over Clearwater and Bullionien.

In 105 games, Audioslavia have been defeated by 2 or more goals only four times, all of which are in the 'biggest defeats' list.


Oddslavo HOME D0-0
Mattigool AWAY W1-0
Lynnwoode AWAY W3-0
Artemsia Absentia AWAY W2-0
Ice Reavers HOME W2-0
Aquilla AWAY L0-2
Big Butts HOME W2-0
Oddslavo AWAY D0-0
Mattigool HOME
Lynnwoode HOME
Artemsia Absentia HOME
Ice Reavers AWAY
Aquilla HOME
Big Butts AWAY
Commerce Heights
04-01-2004, 01:30
Bulldogs Kick National Stadium Off To A Good Start With Win Over Western Pie Makers
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Even though the game was against an unranked team, the 21st consecutive home sellout for the Bulldogs (a record dating back to the last home game of WC7 vs Intergallactic Hell) broke the record attendance of 103,680 with ease (the total attendance figure was 137,874) due to the higher capacity of Cliff Broquard National Stadium. The game got off to a surprising start when Quigley managed to kick the ball past the nameless factory worker playing the goalkeeper position in the 2nd minute. The pie makers' offensive efforts were very unimpressive, and only 3 shots were taken at the goal for Vojtilo to block. Cahalane, recently moved from midfield to play as a forward, finished the game with a second goal.
(019) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 2, Cahalane 73)
(N/R) Western pie makers 0 - FT
The win moves Commerce Heights to the top of the group, ahead of Kingsford on goal differential:
[code:1:46fcaa69df]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 2 1 1 0 2 0 +2 4
Kingsford (9) 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
Defari (55) 2 1 0 1 5 2 +3 3
Oilermania (104) 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Western pie makers 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Halfassedstates (13) 2 0 2 0 0 0 0 2
EL CID THE HERO (100) 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
Monkwearmouth 2 0 1 1 2 6 -4 1[/code:1:46fcaa69df]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth
Day 7: at #55 Defari
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:46fcaa69df] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 61 10 13 17 19 2
Wins 32 3 6 10 12 1
Draws 11 3 4 1 2 1
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.2 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 81.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 13
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 150
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 1.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.0 gpg
Goal Differential +23 -3 +5 +6 +13 +2
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:46fcaa69df]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:46fcaa69df]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 2 1 0.50
J. Cahalane 2 1 0.50

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 2 0 0.00

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley***** 61 30 0.49
C. Deppiesse..*** 38 13 0.34
K. Decker****. 59 16 0.27
J. Cahalane***** 60 16 0.27
C. Romanowski**... 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^**.. 37 6 0.16
K. DeGraffenreid...^^ 7 1 0.14
M. McCormick.^^^* 15 2 0.13
D. Kakuta**... 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***.. 39 2 0.05
H. Hufschmidt...** 21 1 0.05
E. Burns****. 58 2 0.03

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo***** 54 62 1.15
A. Yago.^^^. 9 12 1.33

....*/....^ starter/backup in WC11
...*./...^. starter/backup in WC10
..*../..^.. starter/backup in WC9
.*.../.^... starter/backup in WC8
*..../^.... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:46fcaa69df]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 2
[code:1:46fcaa69df]01 Anti-Nazis 3.29
02 Rejistania 3.32
03 East Spaam 3.34
Tony mag 3.34
05 Bedistan 3.36
06 Dark Outcasts 3.37
07 Kravoli 3.40
08 One Red Dot 3.43
09 Gesamtkuntswerk 3.44
10 Kerla 3.46
NASTIC 2 3.46
12 Europa Brittania 3.48
13 Squornshelous 3.49
14 Aquilla 3.54
15 Ravenspire 3.57
16 Liverpool England 4.01
17 Commerce Heights 4.07
New Montreal States 4.07
19 Oglethorpia 4.13
20 Dennisov 4.19
The Belmore Family 4.19
22 Iansisle 4.21
The Lowland Clans 4.21
24 Ariddia 4.23
Kingsford 4.23
26 Lemmitania 4.28
Tranquilitis 4.28
28 Busby 4.29
Keyshona 4.29
The Weegies 4.29
31 Audioslavia 4.39
Pavesia 4.39[/code:1:46fcaa69df]
(OOC: The above rankings are completely worthless for any purpose other than looking nice at the moment. Once we get near the end of the qualifiers, they might actually be meaningful. ;) )
04-01-2004, 01:48
Another Tie for Les Bleus, and it seems as if there is a conspiracy theory, for making comments about the scorers system :P By this rate, I'll have 14 points at the end of the season. Though, no worry right now, there is still 12 more games to go.

[code:1:2c53cd1db2]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania 2 1 1 0 4 0 4 4
Busby 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
The Weegies 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
Keyshona 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
Sliponia 2 1 0 1 4 3 1 3
Eauz 2 0 2 0 1 1 0 2
Jeruselem 2 0 0 2 1 3 -2 0
Avenging Altos 2 0 0 2 2 8 -6 0

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz
04-01-2004, 02:33
Mattigool Sports

Lucky Audioslavia beats Mattigool

(Goolsund) A late goal by Audioslavian striker Gary King beat unlucky Gools in their second quallifying match. Although coach Rismo had to substitute Gamsten, Johannsen, Laursen and Pedersen - three of them injured during first match against Lynnwoode - the Mattigoolian supporters saw an almost successful team. But once again the lack of experienced forwards in Mattigool became obvious. Silseth and Kristensen were close to finish but finally not successful. The Gools find themselves at the bottom of the table now and experts doubt that this will change soon, because the next two matches are against Oddslavo (2nd) and Aquilla (1st), both experienced teams without any goal against them up to now - together with the already mentioned weak Mattigoolian attack a deadly combination. But there is little hope in sight: Gamsten, Laursen and Pedersen will be matchfit again and will strengthen the midfield.
Liverpool England
04-01-2004, 02:33
The Lowland Clans pull off home win against former champions -
The Lowland Clans 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 0 (Dirosa sent off 56)
Match Stats
Shots On Target = SOT, Shots missed = SM, Shots taken = SH, YC = Yellow Cards, RC = Red Cards, Fouls = F, Corners = C, Offsides = O, Free Kicks = FK

7 SH 16
1 SM 7
6 SOT 9
4 YC 0
0 RC 1
18 FK 9
6 O 14
3 F 4
2 C 7[/code:1:14f76654e9]

In a match clearly dominated by former champions Liverpool England, fellow veterans The Lowland Clans were lucky to scrape a draw as the defending champs had Dominique Dirosa sent off. The defender, sent off for a last-man foul in the penalty box, granted TLC a penalty kick, which was blasted wide of the mark by inches, the only TLC shot to be missed.
04-01-2004, 02:51
The Lowland Clans pull off home win against former champions -
The Lowland Clans 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 0 (Dirosa sent off 56)
Match Stats
Shots On Target = SOT, Shots missed = SM, Shots taken = SH, YC = Yellow Cards, RC = Red Cards, Fouls = F, Corners = C, Offsides = O, Free Kicks = FK

7 SH 16
1 SM 7
6 SOT 9
4 YC 0
0 RC 1
18 FK 9
6 O 14
3 F 4
2 C 7[/code:1:8fd3870fd9]

In a match clearly dominated by former champions Liverpool England, fellow veterans The Lowland Clans were lucky to scrape a draw as the defending champs had Dominique Dirosa sent off. The defender, sent off for a last-man foul in the penalty box, granted TLC a penalty kick, which was blasted wide of the mark by inches, the only TLC shot to be missed.

1: you arent defending champs anymore, and you havent been for eight years ;)

2: give the other guys a chance in your RPs, you arent 'all that' anymore :P
Liverpool England
04-01-2004, 02:57
I said 'former'.

Er, that. My mistake.
Liverpool England
04-01-2004, 03:01
Liverpool England Track Record, WCXI
[Schimpol] LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 2 Pablicosta 0 (Hearne pen, Christopher)
[The Lowland Clans] The Lowland Clans 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 0 (Dirosa red card)
04-01-2004, 03:49
...we interupt our talk show to say that Aquilla beat Big Butts 3-0 and Artemis sumptingerothr 2-0. The only nations worriable about are Oddslave and Audslavo. Back to the talk show...
Antaeus Rising
04-01-2004, 04:20
[Sportsdesk Theme]

Voiceover: Welcome to Sportsdesk.

Simon: I’m Simon Badell.

Tracy: And I’m Tracy Lucas.

Simon: It's been 2 years since The Antaen National Team shot to fame beating the Bedistani Lions in the Second Round of the tenth World Cup.

Tracy: And then were narrowly defeated two one by Giant Zucchini, who went on to the final.

Simon: Last week the first game of the eleventh World Cup Qualifying matches was played.

Tracy: We have the highlights of that match against mammoths Runaway Moose and also the match held yesterday against relative unknowns Newcuba.

Simon: We join the action in the 58th minute.

[Switch to footage of the match including a few shots from RM saved, 2 yellow cards, an unlucky counterattack by the Antaens and 0 goals]

Final Score: Antaeus Rising 0 Runaway Moose 0

Tracy: Holding Runaway Moose to a nil nil draw at home, that's a pretty mean feat

Simon: Indeed. It placed the Antaens joint third in Group Seven.

Tracy: Only two goals had been scored after the first four matches.

Simon: The second set of four had eleven goals between them. Here are three from the Antaens second match.

[Switch to footage of the match including the Antaens dominating the match and a hat trick by Sola]

Final Score: Newcuba 0 Antaeus Rising 3

Tracy: That moved the Antaens up to joint second with Runaway Moose.

Simon: Next month we play the minnows Eaglet and danger team Akbarland.

Tracy: We'll have the highlights. Goodnight from Sportsdesk.

Simon: Goodnight.
04-01-2004, 05:03
[b]World Cup Watch

Mike White: Hey folks. This is the first edition of World Cup Watch in a long time, due to funding problems and a short lapse in sanity on my own part. But, we're back. Unfortunately, Ray McHale couldn't join us for our first show in forever, so standing in is up-and-coming Bedistani commentator Ken Green.

Ken Green: Up and coming? Listen buddy, I was huge in Bedistan. Bloody huge!

Mike: What about Joey Stanton?

Ken: What about him?

Mike: Or Sam Murphy?

Ken: Those guys are small time! I used to work with them. They were baggage. I was afraid to leave 'em, for fear of what might happen to them without me -- but to rise to the top -- I had to ditch 'em. I commentated youth Bedistani football for two decades!

Mike: Uh, right. So, World Cup 11 is about to kick into gear -- Oglethorpia's 10th World Cup. Eduardo, give us some opening comments.

Eduardo Escobar: No.

Mike: Fantastic. Ken, how about you?

Ken: Well, that one guy-- he can uh, kick the ball. Real good.

Mike: Oh, yeah. Torrence Black's looking great this year -- it's his fourth, and he seems to always improve.

Ken: Right. And the dude in goal -- he sure does that one thing well.

Mike: Absolutely! Yamamoto-san only allowed 14 goals across 21 games -- that's only 0.67 goals allowed per game.

Eduardo: 0.67 goals per game? Is that like, kicking in half of a futebol/football?

Dennis Day: It's a statistic, Eduardo. You think you're so clever.

Eduardo: [Sulks.]

Mike: Ken, i'm not too sure you know the game of football all that well.

Ken: Keep it shut, Mike! I could get you fired any time I want. I should be commentating along side Lee Torso and John Madder -- or Michael Als -- but instead i'm here, being brought down by you freaks.

[Ken departs the set.]

Mike: Well -- with that revalation, it's time to bring you the highlights of the Oglethorpia vs. Svecia match -- which'as already concluded, as i've been told by a returning Ken Green.

Eduardo: Bloody boring, If I can say so.

Ken: You can't. It was exciting. Riotously.

Mike: I'll go with Eduardo on this one -- it was a nil-nil draw-

Ken: As opposed to a nil-nil loss? Or a nil-nil win?

Mike: [Pause.] Anyways, Svecian keeper Random Goonie #11-

Eduardo: Actually, his name is- oh, huh.

Mike: Right. And Oglethorpia's Yamamoto-san kept out shots for the full 90 minutes, neither side gaining a goal on each other.

Ken: Well, with that -- we're off.

Mike: Right. For Dennis Day, Eduardo Escobar and Ken Green, i'm Mike White -- goodnight folks.
04-01-2004, 06:10
Bill Carter (BC): Welcome back to The Daily Sports Report. As always, Jim Anderson is alongside to help provide commentary on the sporting events taking place around the nation.

Jim Anderson (JA): That's right, Bill. Right now we need to talk about how our team is doing in its World Cup debut.

BC: That's exactly right, Jim. Jennifer Johnson is standing by at the House of Prayer to fill us in on today's home opener.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): We had a capacity crowd of 90,000 show up here for Praying2God's first ever home match in the World Cup. We even had people get turned away because there were no seats left. The crowd wasn't disappointed by our team's performance on the field either. Iansisle, another veteran team, was in town for the monumental occasion. The fans were treated to a thrilling defensive game filled with clutch saves and key tackles, as neither team could capitalize on any of their scoring opportunities, and the game ended in a 0-0 draw. Let's hear what keeper C.S. Lewis and captain Martin Luther had to say after the game.

C.S. Lewis: It's hard to believe that I recorded my first clean sheet in only my second World Cup start. My defense was stupendous. They cleared out most of the balls that found there way into the box and made Iansisle take some bad shots that were easy to save. I'm looking forward to stepping onto the field tomorrow for our next game. :)

Martin Luther: Well...there are good and bad things that came out of this match. It's good we got a point, but we were playing at home, and we needed to come up with the three points. To do that we need to start scoring goals. I guarantee we will be working on our shooting before tomorrow's match, and we will score a goal tomorrow. 8) After all is said and done, however, we played well today. There's just a lot of improving that needs to be done quickly, or many of us might not be back for the next Cup.

JJ: I spoke with head coach Jesus Christ after the game, and he was somewhat satisfied with the result. However, he echoed the statement made by the captain and suggested that we might see some changes made to try to shake up the offense. Back to you Jim and Bill.

BC: Thanks to Jennifer for her excellent report. Well Jim, our team has its first point. Where do they go from here?

JA: Well, considering that they're in sixth place in their group, about the only place they can go is up. They need to start scoring though, or they could go straight to the basement in our group and not get a very favorable draw for the next World Cup either.

BC: You took the words right out of my mouth, Jim. Let's see the group table after the second day of qualifying.

Group 10
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Anti-Nazis 2 2 0 0 2 0 2 6
The Lowland Clans 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Liverpool England 2 1 1 0 2 0 2 4
Iansisle 2 1 1 0 2 0 2 4
Pablicosta 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
Praying2God 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
Cockbill Street 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0
Beestings 2 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

BC: There's no getting around it. Our team has a lot of work to do to live up to the predictions we made before the Cup began.

JA: I have faith in our team. I believe they'll come through in the end. 8)

BC: I agree with you, Jim. I don't think they'll be an offensive powerhouse any time soon though, and they need to score some goals if they want to have any chance at qualifying.

JA: Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'm Jim Anderson, and for Bill Carter and Jennifer Johnson, good night everybody.
04-01-2004, 06:53
Live from Lemmington, this is Clem Gilson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, bringing you the first match of World Cup Eleven qualifying on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, the Lemmings take on newcomers the Avenging Altos in what should be an interesting test for the defending World Cup champions. There have been a lot of changes made to the squad that won it all four years ago, and tonight will mark the first time that this collection of players will meet an international opponent...

Computer simulations pitting the Lemmings against various potential World Cup Eleven opponents have them winning only half their matches... Um...

It’s fifteen minutes to kickoff-- June! Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? June!... I should explain for our listeners that there are about twenty people in white coveralls in here. The booth’s bigger than it was last Cup, and there’s some sort of Lucite partition dividing it in half. June! What’s going on? All right, all right. June says to introduce the commentators. So joining me are your commentators for tonight’s match, Lana Maelstrom and Lemmy “Atom” Meisterbrau. Lana, Lemmy, welcome to the broadcast.

Lana: Thanks Clem, glad to be ‘ere.

Lemmy: Yo, man, did you see what those guys are doing over there?

Clem: I was just getting distracted by it in the middle of my introduction, yeah.

Lemmy: Man, this is the coolest thing since Bejeezusclaws visited us during the final last time!

Lana: Bejeezusclaws never visited us, Lemmy.

Clem: Bejeezusclaws doesn’t exist, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Yeah, right, and neither does Maleficus, man.

Clem: Who?

Lana: That’d be Octavion Maleficus, the Giant Evil Spider Football Commentator.

Clem: Giant Evil Spiders. Right.

Lana: We talked about ‘im las’ Cup. Remember?

Clem: Vaguely.

Lemmy: Well, he’s coming, man!

Clem: What the hell are you talking about?

Lemmy: I just saw him in the hallway!

Clem: You just saw a Giant Evil Spider in the hallway?

Lemmy: Yeah, man, Maleficus! He’s here!

Clem: The hell you say.

Lana: I think that’s wot all the strapping young men in whoite jumpers are ‘ere for, Clem.

Clem: You’re telling me there’s a Giant Evil Spider in the hallway?

Lemmy: Totally.

Clem: Why?

Lemmy: Um... because I saw him there?

Clem: Not ‘why are you telling me?’, why is he here?

Lemmy: I dunno. Prolly to help us call the game.

Clem: There’s a Giant Evil Spider here to help call the game. Is that what you’re telling me?

Lemmy: Yep.

Lana: Why don’t we ask one of these strapping young men?

Lemmy: Or just ask Maleficus. Here he is.

Clem: Holy crapping Bejeezus!!

Lana: Oh, my. ‘e’s certainly big.

Lemmy: Hey, Maleficus, man! Huh? I can’t hear you. Oh, man, dig that headset.

Maleficus: I said, ‘Do not call me “man,” puny human coworker.’

Lemmy: What’s that, like a special headset they make for giant spiders or something?

Maleficus: Yes, it is.

Lemmy: Cool.

Lana: Um... Clem, per’aps you should introduce our... coworker.

Clem: Holy crapping Bejeezus!

Lemmy: Stop saying that, Clem, man.

Lana: ‘e’s in shock, I think. Somebody get ‘im a blanket.

Lemmy: Well, Bejeezus doesn’t crap, and it’s a heresy to say that he does. So Clem should watch his language on national radio.

Lana: International.

Lemmy: Even worse.

Lana: Anyroad, Bejeezus does too crap. Ain’t you ever ‘eard the story of the Passion Play?

Lemmy: Of course I have. I told it to you guys when the World Cup final fell on Bejeezusmas Eve four years ago, remember?

Lana: Then you should know that Bejeezus was kicked out of ‘eaven on ‘is way to the crapper!

Lemmy: So what?

Lana: So wot was ‘e doin’ on ‘is way to the can if ‘e wasn’t plannin’ on takin’ a crap?

Lemmy: He was gonna piss, man.

Lana: ‘e was gonna take a dump!

Lemmy: No way! Bejeezus would never take a dump.

Lana: Wot’s ‘e, constipated?

Lemmy: Takin’ a crap is a base human body function. Higher Beings like Bejeezus and Beelzebub don’t do that kind of stuff.

Lana: But they piss?

Lemmy: Of course they do. What d’you think rain is?

Lana: Okay now, this is why a ‘ole lot of people like Clem there think Bejeezusians are a bunch of crazy freaks.

Clem: Holy crapping Bejeezus!

Lemmy: Man, you’re going to hell.

Maleficus: Is it customary for puny humans to ignore the match?

Lana: Yep.

Maleficus: Then I will not bother to mention that it is beginning.

Lana: So it is. Guess we missed the cointoss. The Lemmings are beginnin’ with possession. Lemsmith kicks it to Lemjones, and we’re under way. Say, Maleficus, since Clem don’t seem capable of sayin’ anythin’ but “’oly crapping’ Bejeezus” right now, mebbe you better introduce yourself to our listeners.

Maleficus: Very well. Greetings, puny human listeners. I am Maleficus, the greatest striker in the history of Giant Evil Spider Football (retired), five-time Most Valuable Player in the Dire Arachnia Domestic Football League, and commentator for the Arachnopolis Giant Stomping Boots, two-time defending DADFL champions.

Clem: Hoooooly crapping Bejeezus.

Maleficus: I am prevented from devouring your regular commentators by a ten-centimeter-thick sheet of impact-resistant safety glass which divides the booth in half. And furthermore, I am highly unlikely to eat one of my coworkers, be they delectable humans or other edible species.

Lana: The roster for the Lemmings this time around is: in goal, from the Lemmington Vipers, Melanie Melsterson, ‘oo won the ‘Best Goalkeeper’ award for the Lemmings’ championship run in World Cup Ten; the defenders, Prudence Lemminuning of the Lemago Lembeasts; Georgia Lemwaller, from the Lemvoola Longfoots;
Michael "Mick" Jagermeisterbrau of the Lemumbus Lemeyes; an’ Ledmonton Lemonsters star Adam LaMadam. In the midfield, it’s Darla "the Sub-Human" Lydon, star of the Lemco City Lions an’ returnin’ for ‘er second Cup; Wallace Lemmye of the Lemvoola Longfoots; Clarissa "Kickles" Kiklem of the Lemmadelphia Lillies, ‘oo was a reserve in World Cup Ten; an’ the Vipers’ Horace Henneman, ‘ose dad ‘enny was the Lemmings’ first major star, leadin’ the squad to its first appearance in the final, back in World Cup Five. ‘enny’s now an assistant coach with the team, by the by. And the strikers are both returning from the World Cup Ten side: Willette Lemjones and Trixitica Lemsmith, ‘oo’ve been such a dominatin’ scorin’ duo these past three seasons for Limmsburgh. The ‘ead coach is Mick Mickelson, an’ also joinin’ the coachin’ staff once again is Lemma Mingstein. An’ we got no roster for the Avengin’ Altos.

Clem: Did I mention holy crapping Bejeezus yet?

Lemmy: You’re just diggin’ yourself deeper and deeper into the pits of hell every time you blaspheme with that ‘crapping Bejeezus’ stuff, man.

Lana: So... Maleficus... welcome to the broadcast.

Maleficus: Thank you, puny human coworker.

Lana: Me name’s Lana Maelstrom.

Maleficus: That is a pathetic name, unlikely to inspire awe in your opponents or to demoralize them through fear .

Lana: It’s always worked pretty well for me.

Maleficus: Were you five-time Most Valuable Player in your puny nation’s domestic football league?

Lana: Two-time, actually.

Maleficus: Hmm. That is not as impressive as five-time.

Lana: Wull, there’s a ‘ell of a lot more teams in the Lemmitanian A-league than in the DADFL.

Maleficus: There are six teams in the DADFL!

Lana: There’s sixteen in the Lemmitanian A-league.

Maleficus: Sixteen?

Lana: That’s right.

Maleficus: So there are two-point-six-seven times as many players in your league. Is this your position?

Lana: Indeed it is.

Maleficus: I will accept your mere two MVP awards as equivalent to my magnificent (and record-setting) five.

Lana: Thanks.

Maleficus: You are still a puny edible human.

Lana: I ‘aven’t forgotten that. Lemjones ‘as jus’ passed to Lemsmith, ‘oo took a shot on goal from the right side of the box, but the Altos’ goalkeeper managed to jus’ gets to it an’ wrap it up.

Maleficus: How many MVP awards did that one win?

Lana: Lemmy? That’s Lemmy Atom, by the way.

Maleficus: I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Lemmy Atom.

Lemmy: Thanks, man. It’s an honor, Maleficus, dude.

Maleficus: I would be notably more pleased were this barrier not preventing me from reaching you.

Lemmy: Um.

Maleficus: Though it is highly unlikely that I would devour a coworker while on the air.

Lemmy: Yeah... I’m glad to hear that?

Lana: Lemmy never won the MVP, Maleficus.

Maleficus: He did not? What qualifications does he have to call football matches, then?

Lana: Wull, he played on the national side twice.

Maleficus: As did I.

Lana: I played on the national side three times.

Maleficus: Hmm. Your attempt to one-up me has been noted.

Lana: In a good or bad way?

Maleficus: Merely noted.

Lana: Ah.

Maleficus: What awards did he win?

Lana: Dunno. Wot awards did you win, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Awards? What awards?

Lana: Yeh, that’s the question.

Lemmy: Uh... yeah.

Clem: All I can say is, holy crapping Bejeezus.

Maleficus: Who is this ‘holy crapping Bejeezus’ of whom you speak, other puny human coworker?

Lana: Tha’s Clem Gilson. An’ “’oly crappin’ Bejeezus” is an expression indicatin’ flabbergastedness.

Maleficus: He is in awe of my terror and might.

Lana: Yep.

Maleficus: He is my favorite puny human coworker. You and Lemmy Atom should learn from his example.

Lana: Phooey. There’s ten centimeters of bulletproof glass separatin’ us.

Maleficus: How many MVP awards did Clem Gilson win?

Lana: None. Clem was never an athlete. ‘e’s a career commentator.

Maleficus: Never an athlete? He is completely unqualified to call football matches.

Lana: Wull, to ‘is credit, ‘e is the Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Maleficus: His University should be shut down.

Lana: ‘e ain’t at a University. ‘e’s freelance.

Clem: Holy crapping Bejeezus.

Lana: You’ve said that about eighteen times, Clem.

Clem: It bears repeating.

Lana: You better jus’ get used to ‘is awe-inspirin’ presence, ‘cause I think ‘e’s gonna be ‘ere a while.

Clem: For the edification of our listeners, I’d like to explain that Maleficus, whose grotesque voice you’ve been hearing for the past half an hour, is a big freaking spider. About three meters tall, and hideous beyond description. If you’ve ever seen a three-meter-tall spider, you’ll know what I mean. And probably also be dead, come to think of it.

Lana: I ‘ate to be the one to say it, seein’ as I’m ‘ere to give color commentary an’ not to call the action, but Trixitica Lemsmith ‘as just put the Lemmings on the scoreboard. She ‘ad a rocket of a shot from thirty meters out that blasted right past two Altos defenders an’ their goalkeeper. Wot power!

Clem: No Lemming Dance this time around, I’m glad to note.

Lana: Oh, ‘ell yes. I ‘ope we’ve seen the last of that damned Lemming Dance for all time.

Maleficus: What is the ‘Damned Lemming Dance?’

Lana: Jus’ a celebratory dance the team used to do when they scored a goal. It was popular four years ago, but it seems to’ve worn off.

Maleficus: Giant Evil Spiders do not dance to celebrate the scoring of a goal.

Clem: No? I dread to ask, but what do they do?

Maleficus: Act in a dignified manner.

Clem: Ah. Well, that’s not so bad, then.

Maleficus: And devour a shrieking puny human who is tossed onto the pitch.

Clem: Holy crapping Bejeezus!

Maleficus: But I am intrigued with this notion of dancing to celebrate the scoring of a goal. Tell me, is the point of the dance to damn the lemming, or is the lemming that dances already damned?

Lana: Wot?

Maleficus: The name of the dance is ambiguous.

Lana: The ‘Lemming Dance?’

Maleficus: Did you not call it the Dance of the Damned Lemming?

Lana: Ohhh, I was damning the dance itself. For bein’ so ‘einous an’ awful.

Maleficus: For being what?

Lana: ‘einous. An’ awful.

Maleficus: When you say that the dance is--

Clem: She’s saying heinous. But being a Lemconder, she can’t pronounce her “h”es.

Maleficus: Aha. Thank you for clarifying that, puny human Clem Gilson.

Lana: Wha’d you think I was sayin’, then?

Clem: Just think about it, Lana.

Lana: Hmm...

Clem: Did LRN sign you to join us for the whole tournament then, Maleficus?

Maleficus: Indeed.

Lemmy: Cool! You’re gonna be around for every game, you mean?

Maleficus: I will not be travelling with the team during qualification. However, arrangements have been made for me to attend matches in the Empire of Warnocks Wizards, which is home to a number of Giant Evil Spiders.

Clem: Assuming that the Lemmings qualify.

Lana: Wot if they play in Total ‘n’ Utter Insanity?

Maleficus: We shall see.

Clem: Well, uh, Maleficus... welcome to the broadcast.

Maleficus: Thank you, underqualified human coworker Clem Gilson.

Clem: Just Clem is fine.

Lana: ‘umans usually jus’ go by the firs’ name.

Lemmy: Not the Japanese, man.

Maleficus: Are you Japanese?

Lemmy: No, I’m Lemmitanian, man.

Maleficus: Then I shall call you “Lemmy.” And please do not call me ‘man.’

Lemmy: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Maleficus: Another goal has been scored.

Clem: Cripes. Lemjones, this time. Something tells me the questions about the Lemmings’ performance are being answered. At the thirty-one minute mark, Willette Lemjones scores her first goal of World Cup Eleven qualifying, putting the Lemmings ahead of the Altos two goals to none.
04-01-2004, 07:31
Daily Examiner

TEAM KOR3A Makes First Appearance In World Cup
In what can only be described as jubilation, KOR3AN football fans saw their team off to a match against Dennisov. The match was hard fought but Dennisov was able to score the only goal on KOR3AN keeper Kun-Hee Lee. Down but not out, the KOR3ANs continued on to their second match against East-Germany. Here the KOR3ANs were slightly more successful, with forward Dan-Young Park scoring one goal against the East-Germans. The game ended in a draw, with keeper Tae-Bak Chung holding the East-Germans to one goal. TEAM KOR3A is bright-eyed and still optimistic about their chances in the remaining games. "It's tough for any team, no matter how much raw talent they have, to make it out of the first round in their first World Cup experience," said coach Allen X. Kou. "We are going to do our best in the remaining games, play hard, and practice hard in the off-season so that the next time out we may make an even better appearance." TEAM KOR3A's remaining schedule follows:
Tranquilitis v. KOR3A
KOR3A v. Kravoli
Belmorian Scandinavia v. KOR3A
KOR3A v. Snub Nose 38
Ravea v. KOR3A
(First team home team)
Tanah Burung
04-01-2004, 09:49
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Evisceratomatoes fed with dead evisceratomatoes proven to be 'mad'

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Research labs across the nation have reached a general concensus -- that evisceratomatoes distributed throughout the Bureaucratic States may be 'mad' after farmers in Oglethorpia fed their evisceratomato crops with parts of infected evisceratomatoes. While no mad evisceratomatoes have been found, the government is running extensive tests on evisceratomato exports to Tanah Burung -- as well as domestic shipments within the country. Said Preisdent Marvin, "if the ones going to the Belmore Family are mad, then all the better."

"Just kidding," he later added.

Oglethorpian Food, Drug and Food Administrative Association and Federation Director Mike Stumbles said that Oglethorpians -- and Tanah Burungians have nothing to worry about. "It's unlikely that it'll even make it past the FD&FAA&F tests -- so even if there is mad evisceratomato in Oglethorpia, it will not make it into the supermarkets. If, there even turns out to be any mad evisceratomatoes out there."

Local Consolidated FoodMart manager Pete Falls has no plans to pull any of his evisceratomato stock. "It's what the people want for dinner, after all. I trust the FD&FAA&F to make sure any mad evisceratomato doesn't make it to my store."

Oglethorpians in the shopping mall have the same sentiment. "They haven't even found a mad evisceratomato yet -- for all we know there may not be one. Just get the farmers to stop feeding evisceratomatoes to evisceratomatoes, and there's no problem anymore," said one mother of two-dozen.

More on the mad-evisceratomato situation as it comes.

Tanah Burung opened with a disappointing 1-1 draw against the unknown and almost extinct Dual Supporters on a goal by captain Canabe Livit. Here is a country where nothing moves. Silence pervades. The doom of Dual Supporters, observers believe, came from eating vegetables infected with eviscerative spongiform encephalitis (the dreaded ESE).

But the diseased players of Dual Supporters put up enough of a fight to earn the draw against a spooked Crocodiles side. "We were afraid they were going to cough on us or something," said rookie defender Rashid Nazir.

The Crocs' home opener against Creedence Clearwater was a brighter affair, and marked the debut of the team's new spiritual adviser, Sister Rosaria da Santa Cruz. Players began the match by parading around the sidelines wearing pots on their heads, to ward off evil Hellmouth energies and the even more terrifying threat of country music.

Fans snacked on evisceratomatoes nervously. "The secret is only to eat the Errinundrian Engineered Evisceratomatoes," Sister da Cruz confided to 83,000 of her closest friends over the loudspeaker. "Anyway, you shouldn't eat vegetables smuggled in from Oglethorpia. I hear they whip the workers there!"

Taur Matan Ruak struck first for the Crocs in the 29th minute with a left-footer that beat the Creedence keeper cleanly. And Zachary Alkatiri added a second goal in the 60th, heading in a corner from Livit.
Kaze Progressa
04-01-2004, 10:59
From the Kangaroo:


Kaze Progressa fell to their third consecutive defeat to Ravenspire in the sides' first qualifying match, edged out 2-1 in a pulsating encounter.

The Ravens took the lead on only five minutes to the delight of the home crowd. David Spencer's swerving run too quick for Ziau Mawukal, who bought him down 25 yards out, and his powerful free kick too good for Elin Faeka. With the Progressans fielding a new, younger side, the new-look defence that replaced old hands MacKazie and Jaff took some time to settle and only Faeka's fine save from Spencer's header, after Schiller's run and cross, on 25 minutes denied a second.

Against the run of play, however, the Progressans equalised on 38 minutes. Mawukal's long ball fell straight to man-mountain Maunkaj Jawelin, who controlled the ball on his shoulder before nodding cannily into the path of Craita Weseydal, who thundered home from 20 yards past Autumn Mistmarch for one of the goals of the opening day of the qualifiers.

The second half saw the Progressans packing their midfield in an attempt to assert control on the game, but while they had the possession advantage the best chances fell to the Ravens on the break. Ultimately Schiller's 40-yard solo run on 73 minutes caught out the defence and her side-foot shot from a tight angle when Spencer was in possibly an easier position caught out Faeka, who anticipated a cross that never came.

Several good late chances fell to the Progressans, but Mistmarch - helped by the crossbar with Fayu Owa's 30-yard thunderbolt in injury-time, which slammed against the bar before somehow falling to Mistmarch - ensured the Ravens maintained their 100% record against the Progressans.

KP: Faeka; Mawukal, Maurto, Hytaffi; Inhea (Lainwiay 62); Vaiwalo-Mua (Owa 76), Muqlin, Maailian, Ramatta, Failez; Jawelin, Weseydal.
04-01-2004, 11:23
As the twenty seven thousand three hundred and sixty one fans who had packed Westergate Football Grounds - a not inconsiderable fraction of them from Cockbill Street - for the first day of World Cup XI’s qualification filed out of the stadium, David Westmore stood facing his team. There was an undeniable sense of confidence, perhaps even to the level of smugness, written on every single face. Or rather, there was an undeniable sense of confidence to the point of smugness written on every single face except his.

He sighed as his players continued to gossip among one another, not even seeming to notice him waiting for them to be quiet. At last, as it usually was, goalkeeper Benny Answorth glanced up at him. For a brief second, there was a sort of unspoken communication between the two.

“Hey, shut up, everyone! Coach Westmore has something to say!” Answorth exclaimed. It took a few seconds for the general babble to come to a stop.

“Thank you, Benny,” started Westmore as complete silence was attained at last. “Do you guys know what the papers are going to say tomorrow.”

“Sure!” exclaimed midfielder Tom Ross, who was sitting near the front, with an easy and confident smile. “‘SuperIans continue winning ways by clobbering Cockbill Street!’” The rest of the SuperIans seemed to agree with him, and there was a good deal of applause and huzzahing for the man who had scored Iansisle’s insurance goal.

“Very poetic, Tom,” continued Westmore after the noise had calmed down a little, “and very probably true as well. However, did we really clobber anyone today?” There was an uncomfortable silence. “No, we didn’t,” Westmore answered himself after a few moments. We won, certainly, and I’ve very happy about that. But, whatever the scoreboard - or the newspaper - says, we didn’t clobber them.”

The faces weren’t nearly as jovial now, and he smiled thinly. “I’m sorry to bring everyone down. You really deserve to celebrate after winning a game like that. Cockbill Street is a tough side, no doubt about that, and seems to becoming something of a rival of ours. Still, though, I think there were a lot of holes in our attack. Granted, Cockbill Street runs a tight defense, but...”

“Coach,” said Alexander Truman, Iansisle’s second youngest starter and the hero of the SuperCup, “We know our problems. Really. And we’ll work through them. However, who are we playing next - Praying2God? We’ll tear through them!”

“Yeah,” echoed Angelo Ventura, a new reserve forward, “I mean, we just beat Cockbill Street, coach. If we can beat them, all we have to worry about is Ell-Eee.” There was a general murmur of consensus among the players, with the notable exceptions of Benny and striker/captain John Copplestone, who now stood to address them.

“Hey, look guys, the coach isn’t trying to put you down, or anything like that. If he says there’s problems with our attack, then there are, and we need to fix them. If he wants extra practice, then let’s give it to him. Don’t forget, you’re not playing Fort Jackson or Vesshampton anymore. These are real, professional, national teams, and they’re not just going to lay back and let us roll over them.”

“Thanks, John,” smiled Westmore, standing behind his player. “Now, I expect to see all of you tomorrow at five o’clock, sharp!” There was a general moaning throughout the room, and even Copplestone’s face fell a mile and a half.

“Er, David, don’t you think that’s just a tad early? Most of these guys have wives and families, and they’re just getting ready to go on the road...don’t you think we ought to give them...”

“I think that we ought to give them the practice they need to be a world-class team,” answered Westmore without a flinch.

“Well, then, coach,” muttered Ventura, “you can go ahead and expect us at whatever ungodly hour you choose. I’ll see you on the team flyer.”

“Mr. Ventura,” retorted Westmore, his tone turning cold, “I get what I expect. Always. If I don’t, you can expect yourself a pink slip.” He turned to address the whole team. “Gentlemen: this team is the SuperCup champion. However, don’t forget that we won that competition not only through grit and determination, but also through a good amount of luck. And don’t forget that the only reason we were playing in the SuperCup at all was because we failed to qualify for the World Cup.” Most of the faces in the locker room turned down. “We, however, can be the champions of the proper cup, but it will take work, determination, and effort.”

He watched as the team filed out silently, excepting his veterans: Answorth, Copplestone, defender Conrad Brandt, and midfielder Brian Park. They waited with him until the last of the rest was gone. As Edward Harns slammed the door behind him, Copplestone leaned over towards Westmore.

“Think any of them will actually show up, coach?”

“A few, John, I think a few will. Hopefully more, but one can never tell.” Westmore sighed and retired to the well-appointed office used by the coach of Westergate’s Shieldian Football League team.



“...and welcome back to ‘The Wright Foot: A Football Roundup’ here on IanCorp Wireless 97.3 Ianapalis! I’m Joseph Wright, your host and friend. Today, we’re coming to you live from Praying2God, where the SuperIans have just drawn with their national side in a scoreless game. With me in the booth are young striker Alexander Truman and veteran midfielder James Balme. Now, then, Mr. Truman, several people thought the Iansislean offense was faltering against Cockbill Street. Does this game confirm that opinion?”

“Well, Joe, I certainly think that there’s work that needs to be done. The Warriors played good defense, certainly, but I think that a good amount of the blame falls upon myself an...”

“It is correct that the blame falls upon you, unclean one! Praise be to the Lord, and may you burn for eternity in hellfire and brimstone!” There was complete silence for two or three seconds.

“Er, ladies and gentlemen, the voice you have just heard is Mr. Balme’s, who would appear to have just accused Mr. Truman of heresy...I think.”

“What on the green hills of the Shield are you talking about, Jim?” came a very confused Alexander Truman’s voice. “I mean the offense was lousy, but there were other parts of our side that cost us the win...”

“You misunderstand, heretic! Did you not see that their team was led by none other than our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ? Did you just assume that this was another of your devil-worshiping cult opponents?”


“Silence, damned one! It’s you that might well cause the dismemberment of the entire Shieldian Empire; the dethronement of the High King, and the expulsion of all Iansisleans from the grace of God!”


“I decree silence!”

“Mr. Balme; Mr. Truman, I think you misunderstand the purpose...”

“And you be silent too! You and your accursed ‘wireless’ - it’s because of Satan worshiping infidels like you that God cannot hear the prayers of little Iansislean children! All he can hear are your variety shows, serials, and commercials! Bah! No, I wouldn’t be surprised if I woke and found the lot of you decapitated!”

“Decapitated, Jim? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about humility before God! If you don’t bow before his divine incarnation upon Earth as a football coach, ye shall burn in his fury! Or be decapitated, like those Turkish people in ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’!”

“The Last Crusade? Jim, that’s not even partially related to the match we’re here to discuss!”

“You and your foolish mortal definitions of ‘partially’! I have seen the kingdom of gold, and I know that I shall ascend there, unlike you, who shall be cast into the furthest pits of hell to live in damnation for eternity!”

“Wait...are you saying we should have thrown the match, just because a guy named Jesus is their coach? And that God will damn us for not losing to who you assume is his son? Isn’t that against everything in the bible anyway?”

“It’s not just a ‘guy named Jesus,’ blasphemer! It is the son of God! His coming has been foretold!”

“Would you calm down, please, Mr. Balme, I am trying to run...”

“I will calm down when the proper respect due the messiah is shown!”

“Jim, that’s not the messiah!”


“Holy crap! What the hell are you doing!? Get away from me with that lighter!”

“A crap worshiping pagan cult, eh? Well, soon the righteous flame of God shall purge you of your sins!”

“I go to church every Sunday! Get away from me with that thing!”

“Er, this is Joe Wright. I’m afraid we’re experiencing some, uh, technical difficulties and have to cut to, um, a word from our sponsor. So, from here in Praying2God, this is Joe Wright, signing off!”
Cockbill Street
04-01-2004, 11:40
Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Major Injury Blow To Cockbill Street
[i]Footballers Still Seeking For Both Goals And Points In The Tournament

Welcome to the World Cup, says the footballers. Welcome to another round of nailbiting 0-0 draws, 0-1 losses or 1-0 wins. And as Harald Axewielder, by many dubbed the only creative force of the team, was injured early in the match when he comically tripped over the doorstep and fell dramatically on his hip. A small fracture means he is out for the next two games, and many Streeters ask themselves whether that was the final blow for Cockbill Street's WCXI chances already.

Of course the match had to be played first. As Axewielder was actually on the referee's card as a starter, his substitution counted towards the total permitted number of three even though it took place before the game started. Bjorn, the younger brother, came on for Harald, and proved himself of some worth to the team in the first half. However, his physical form wasn't too good, as he has mostly been used as a substitute for U'bz'ghaz'duk FC, the major dwarf club, in the domestic league.

The match was an even one, but Anti-Nazis pulled out victorious with a nice strike from a free kick at 20 yards that beat Jorn Axewielder as it found the top corner in style. There were many chances to both teams, and the Cockbill Street fans couldn't help thinking that they had been robbed of what could be an extremely important point in the World Cup Qualifying.

As a replacement for Harald Axewielder, the manager has called up Vimesbairn's central midfielder Brian Young, 24, to warm the bench against newcomers Praying2God and Beestings. At least the injury came before meeting easier opposition.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 4 - Chalky 5, Dolomite 3, Harmison 4 (Eversham 71) - Calcite 4, Petisha 5, Lehrer 3, B Axewielder 5 (Olsen 49 4) - Tungsten-carbide 6, Stronginthearm 3 (Pollock 74), Quier 5.
NEWI Cefn Druids
04-01-2004, 11:54


David Rhys-Jones reports from Bessburg on NEWI Cefn Druids 0 Bedistan 3

NEWI Cefn Druids were taught a harsh footballing lesson last night, as they were soundly beaten by the mighty Bedistan Lions.

Coach Trevor Stevens said after the game, “Well, we weren’t expected to win, and we didn’t, so it isn’t as if we’ve lost anything.” Well, not apart from the game, Trevor…

“Tonight, we saw how football should be played and how it shouldn’t,” he continued. “Hopefully, we can take this into the Athamasha game and put on a much better performance.”

The game itself was something of a walkover for the lions. They were visibly a class above the home side, passing the ball around for fun. The score only stopped at three because the visitors took their foot of the gas some time before the end.

The Druids made two changes from their last match against Squornshelous, Frederiksson and Greaves taken out of the attack, replaced by the more experienced Unis as a lone striker and Rhyds as an extra defender, as they set out to frustrate an unchanged Bedistan team.

The plan failed. Darren Morlock opened the scoring with just two minutes on the clock, finishing a move that would have beaten any defence in the world. No less than twenty-six consecutive passes were made, almost directly from the kick-off, before Neil Palin slotted the ball through the NEWI Cefn Druids defence for Morlock to easily put away.

The chances were coming thick and fast. Three for Palin, two each for Morlock and Javier Lewey and a Kucharski header were all somehow kept out before Trevor Allinson was beaten again.

Thirty-four minutes in, a Morlock free-kick from 25 yards was palmed away well by Allinson, only for Lewey to be first to the rebound, tucking away one of the simplest goals of his career.

Three minutes later, it was three. This time, a corner was not cleared properly by the Druids’ defence, and Fernando Sippel lashed the ball home from the edge of the penalty area.

To be fair, it was what the Lions deserved, and it could have been four on the stroke of half time, but Sippel’s one-on-one with the goalkeeper was unsuccessful.

The second half was a bit of a damp squib. The Bedistan team relaxed, bringing on three substitutes to give them their first taste of world cup action. Meanwhile, NEWI Cefn Druids tried capitalising on this by changing to a more attacking formation, but the gap in quality showed, as the Lions toyed with the Druids time after time.

By the end, there wasn’t a Druids fan in the 12,000 crowd who wasn’t looking forward to going home. Hopefully there will be a better performance against the much less fancied Athamasha team who visit for the next match.

Full time:
NEWI Cefn Druids 0
Bedistan 3 (Morlock 2, Lewey 34, Sippel 37)


NEWI Cefn Druids: Allinson; Kallins, Yates, Seaton, Rhyds ( Frederiksson 58 ), Pearson; Simpson, Lee ( Mbaka 72 ), Welsh, James; Unis ( Greaves 58 ).

Bedistan: Oldenburg; Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia; Marley, Heidelberg; Palin (Roose 45); Morlock (Hammer 45), Lewey, Sippel (Neighbors 45).
04-01-2004, 13:03

Kiru'he shoots the deciding goal
The first match in the Sen-la-sa~o Promotion stadium ended 1-0 for the Orange-Blues. Lanky Dude is a team, that is not very respected in the international community and so many foreigners came and joined the rejistanian fans.

In the starting formation, Hana Kansu replaced Ji Raliu and Sijij Kansu took Ji Jen's place. The Rejistanians played their defensive 'System Imdila' again, but this time, the opponents played more aggressive than Shonar Bangla. Once again, Sijij Kansu showed, why Imdila'he considers him a top-player, several times he was at the right place at the right time when the Lanky Dudes attacked. The offensive was again not the best. The Orange-Blues tried their feared fast-counters, but the Lanky Dudes knew the tactic and so the Orange-Blues could not capitalize their chances until the 43rd minute. A Dude fouled Su'he when he had an excellent chance. The fllowing free-kick was, of course, shot by Kiru'he. The Lanky goalie had no hope in getting the ball, the first half ended 1-0 for the Orange-Blues.
The second half was very similar to the first, only the goals were missing. The defensive orange-Blues gave the Lanky Dudes no chance, but also had very few themselfes. The match ended 1-0 for the Orange-Blues

The result:
Rejistania: 1 (Kiru 43rd)
Lanky Dude: 0
04-01-2004, 13:03
This was no double post! There is nothing to see here, move on!
The Lowland Clans
04-01-2004, 14:08
OOC: *curses forums* This had better work...

ASNN - Tearful Goodbye to Soccer Star at LE Game in Graham City

GRAHAM CITY - Today was the day for the Allied States to say goodbye to star player Gavin Fleury, who died 4 years ago during the World Cup after injuries sutained in the game against Snub Nose 38. The crowd of over 100,000 had tears stain the Fleury Jerseys that came free at todays game, as his number was raised to the rafters. The players, who were nearly all made up of WCX players, with a few exceptions, allowing substitutes come in and show their full potential.

The team rallied behind captain Mark Jeremy, who has taken Fleury's place on the team. The game was extremly tough, with Liverpool England holding the obvious advantage in experience. The Stars pushed hard, but they were repelled every time by the voracious English defense. The crowd stood behind their team, giving them the best encouragement they could. The team still manage to tie with the former world champions, putting them second in the group behind Anti-Nazis. Given the rest of the competition in the group, many the the Allied States expect the team to go through unhindered by the rest of the competition.

TLC Stars 0 - 0 Liverpool England
04-01-2004, 15:29
[OOC: Man, I've been lazy here...]

BSTV Sports Today
with Joey Stanton and Amanda Butt

Joey: Good afternoon, and welcome to BSTV Sports Today! I'm Joey Stanton...

Amanda: ...and I'm Amanda Butt. Sam Murphy, who has proudly commentated Bedistani football matches for twenty-four years, has decided to retire from life in front of the camera. But I'm happy to say that he's still with us, now as our producer.

[We switch to another camera, and producer Sam Murphy waves from the set.]

Joey: Well, the Bedistan Lions have made it through their first two matches of World Cup 11 qualifying, and it's looking good so far.

Amanda: The first match was at James Parker National Stadium against Athamasha. It took the Lions' offense quite a while to get going that day, and they didn't really have any decent scoring opportunities in the first half.

Joey: On the other hand, the Athamashans were being very agressive at the outset. Here you see their #9 working his way up the field, then he passes it over to #17, that guy shoots, and Oldenburg can only just save it by sending it back over his head. Thankfully, the resulting corner did no damage.

Amanda: So at halftime, the score remained 0-0. Gene Barber chose not to make any substitutions, since of course nothing was certain at this point.

Joey: It would be Darren Morlock that would finally get the game going in the 61st. Oldenburg sends his goal kick up to Walter Marley at midfield, he floats it over to Palin, Palin to Lewey, Lewey shoots and is denied by the post, but Morlock's there with the keeper nowhere in sight. Lions up 1-0.

Amanda: The Lions were pretty much content to sit on their lead, and that's what they did for the rest of the match. Just before the whistle, though, came this accidental goal.

[The clip shows Erik Oldenburg sending a short kick to Tabitha Morgan. Morgan tries to play it up to Lewey, but she sends it farther than she had intended. The Athamasha goalkeeper is apparently having an off-day, and the ball waltzes cleanly into the net.]

Joey: And that was that -- the Lions walked out of Parker Stadium 2-0 winners in their WC11 debut.

[code:1:1288a7dc49]Final score:
Bedistan 2 (Morlock 61, Morgan 91)
Athamasha 0[/code:1:1288a7dc49]

Amanda: And so the team hit the road to face NEWI Cefn Druids.

Joey: Barber left in the full starting lineup, as he usually does early in the qualifiers. The Druids made a few changes to their usual formation, going from their standard 4-4-2 to a 5-4-1 in an attempt to counter the Bedistani offense.

Amanda: This time the offense was a bit more conventional, kicking the match off early. Here in the second minute, Neil Palin sends a screamer to Morlock, who gives it a blinding header sending it sizzling into the opposing net.

Joey: One of the most promising failed shots of the match was this fabulous header from Karina Kucharski. She got that all the way from her position at the back of the field up just about to the net, but Allinson just managed to catch the ball before it did some damage.

Amanda: Not long afterward, the Lions were awarded a free kick due to Unis being offside. Morlock took the kick straight at the goal, but Allinson sent it away. Unluckily for the Druids, Lewey got to it first and just tapped the ball in.

Joey: Three minutes afterward, Palin takes a corner and sends it to the edge of the penalty area, where Sippel waits to send it in, making it 3-0 Lions. Sippel would attempt another goal in the 46th minute, but Allinson managed to hold him off long enough for the halftime whistle to blow.

Amanda: Barber used up his three substitutions at halftime, bringing on some new players. Palin left the field in favor of Jerome Roose, Abigail Hamner came on for Morlock, and Karen Neighbors took Sippel's place.

Joey: The second half was quite uneventful, as the Lions were content to sit back on their lead, demolishing any Druid chances that came. When the final whistle blew, nothing had changed, and the Lions had chalked up another one in the win column.

[code:1:1288a7dc49]Final score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 0
Bedistan 3 (Morlock 2, 34; Sippel 37)[/code:1:1288a7dc49]
Snub Nose 38
04-01-2004, 15:37
Runaway Moose is currently wandering about England, Wales, the Isle of Mann, etc, like a vagabond, and will not be able to RP for some time. Expected back about 21 Jan 04ish.

The Bureaucratic Tribune
Evisceratomatoes fed with dead evisceratomatoes proven to be 'mad'
Fans snacked on evisceratomatoes nervously. "The secret is only to eat the Errinundrian Engineered Evisceratomatoes," Sister da Cruz confided to 83,000 of her closest friends over the loudspeaker. "Anyway, you shouldn't eat vegetables smuggled in from Oglethorpia. I hear they whip the workers there!" chuckle :wink:

The following notices are posted on the front doors of all news media in Snub Nose 38

ASPN currently having difficulties with broadcast equipment.

Ink shortage in Snub Nose 38 prevents newsprint media (Scuttlebutt, The Remington County Record, The Athletic Supporter) from printing the news.

All Ministers of Snub Nose 38 in closed joint session - no leaks...yet.

Whereabouts of someone known as Margaret unknown.

Ben and Eileen Dover refuse to comment - too busy managing Hooligans.

More (than nothing) as it develops. :wink:
04-01-2004, 15:42
Live from Keyshona, this is Clem Gilson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. We’ve just brought you the second match of World Cup Eleven qualifying, and joining me to wrap up the action is Lana Maelstrom. Lana, the Lemmings’ first match against a ranked opponent, and it wasn’t as encouraging as we’d hoped.

Lana: Keyshona’s not a bad team, but we certainly would ‘ave ‘oped for a victory.

Clem: A scoreless draw means the Lemmings have four points in the standings, which is enough for the group one lead, or a share of it.

Lana: And top of the group on goal differential, thanks to the score-fest las’ week in Lemmington against the Avenging Altos.

Clem: Computer simulations run by host nation Total ‘n’ Utter Insanity before the start of qualifying suggested that despite being ranked first in the world-- primarily on the strength of their World Cup Ten championship-- the Lemmings are going to have a lot of trouble qualifying.

Lana: That’s somethin’ you alluded to at the top of las’ week’s broadcast, an’ we never got to address it properly. Now, computer simulations are only simulations, and they should be taken wit’ a grain o’ salt. Time an’ again we’ve seen computer rankings put to shame by real-life results.

Clem: A sporting event involves far too many un-quantifiable factors to be accurately represented in a simulation.

Lana: If computers could tell ‘oo was gonna win, we wouldn’t need to actually play the matches, eh?

Clem: True enough. But in a general sense, what the T ‘n’ UI simulations suggested was that the Lemmings will have trouble in a group with a lot of ranked opponents; and sure enough, they’re in a group with a lot of ranked opponents.

Lana: An’ sure enough, the first one ‘olds ‘em scoreless. Its a point worth notin’.

Clem: There are a lot of new players on the squad this time-- new to international play, I mean. And it’s not at all clear that they’re worthy of being ranked number one.

Lana: The defending World Cup champion is virtually always ranked first; but it’s a long four years in between tournaments, an’ it’s not really reasonable to conclude that they’re gonna give the same kind of performance.

Clem: On the plus side, Melanie Melsterson has yet to concede a goal in two qualifying matches. This marks the first time the Lemmings have ever begun a World Cup qualfying round with consecutive shutouts.

Lana: Time will tell, of course, but Mel may be the best ‘keeper the Lemmings ‘ave ever ‘ad.

Clem: She’s the first one to win a ‘best of tournament’ award, for World Cup Ten. And offhand, I can’t remember anyone ever recording consecutive shutouts for the Lemmings.

Lana: I don’t want to get too down on the offense yet, either. Four goals in the opening match, an’ spread out among four scorers, is very promisin’.

Clem: Goals by Lemjones and Lemsmith in the first half, and Kiklem and Lydon in the second. Lydon not a big scorer, either.

Lana: No, she’s more about ball control an’ defense usually. But she did score ‘alf a dozen in A-league play las’ season.

Clem: Nice to see Kickles get a goal right off. Coach Mickelson going with a four-four-two formation, which he tried for World Cup Seven, if I remember, when you were the attacking midfielder.

Lana: Indeed.

Clem: And that didn’t work out so well. So it’s good to see Kickles producing right off the bat.

Lana: Yep. I produced right off the bat, as well, of course.

Clem: I’m not saying you didn’t.

Lana: Okay, then.

Clem: Okay.

Lana: June says it’s time to wrap it up.

Clem: I don’t have anything else to say, anyway.

Lana: Me neither.

Clem: So, from Keyshona, this has been Lana Maelstrom, Lemmy Atom, and yours truly, Clem Gilson, for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Good night.
Giant Zucchini
04-01-2004, 16:02

Giant Zucchini mustered just enough to overcome rank outsiders Peter Panarchy by a solitary goal. It came 30 minutes into the first half, when Shtaan crashed a long range drive into the top corner. The game then entered a scrappy phase, with Peter Panarchy pushing valiantly for an equaliser, which was stopped only by Oog, who was substituted on in the second half. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "If we are going to play like this, we are not going to qualify. We must play better. This kind of play is humiliating for World Cup finalists."
One Red Dot
04-01-2004, 16:41
The Freedom Papers - Evening Edition

ORD Sees Old Rivals, New Opponents
By Ken Takajima, Freelance Sports Writer (with slightly dampened reputation)

The World Cup starts again as One Red Dot, with the experience of being in the Top 4 still having not worn away, the Red Dot Wolves have started with what they expect to be a good turn out in the qualifications and hopefully enter the second round onwards, without the controversy.

So far, One Red Dot has faced Peter Panarchy, a newcomer to the cup. At their debut match in Royal Red Dot National Stadium, we pounded them 3-0 after what seemed to be like a toppled match of ability between the two sides..

One Red Dot has also went up against Morawny at their home stadium, they were disgraced as they let three goals in to the Wolves and One Red Dot earned yet another 3-0 victory.

The third qualifying match is against Giant Zucchini. Not only have we played against them in World Cups 5 and 8, they were also our co-hosts in World Cup 10. They are definitely a force to be reckoned with as we have lost to them twice, but we hope to see something of our advantage when they come to Hyder Stadium.

Next is yet another newcomer: Lubistan. They seem to have a stable record at the moment, but it is too soon too say. The match will be at Lubstan, so it is yet another boring bus ride to another foreign nation.

Lanky dude is up next and although the two sides have never met, the team is already counting the number of ways to kick the ball up their face and into the goal in one deft shot. There is only one reason why they do that: smiley spamming do not seem to go well with them. We play them in Chisai'nihon Stadium.

Shonar Bangla, another newcomer to the cup. They have two losses so far, but I do not think that's going to stop them. That match will be in their home ground.

Rejistania, or the Orange-Blues, as they preferred to be called. An established team but we've yet to see them in the cup. This could be their chance due to the large number of newcomers in the group.

Group 4 Tables after Matchday 2:
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
One Red Dot 2 2 0 0 6 0 6 6
Rejistania 2 2 0 0 2 0 2 6
Lubistan 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Lanky dude 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Giant Zucchini 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Morawny 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
Shonar Bangla 2 0 0 2 1 3 -2 0
Peter Panarchy 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0

Presently, One Red Dot now shines at the top of the tables, but with Rejistania very close behind, seperated by only Goal Difference. Giant Zucchini doesn't seem to be performing well, after a lost against Morawny.

Matchdays 3~14 for ORD
3. One Red Dot v Giant Zucchini @ Hyder Stadium
4. Lubistan v One Red Dot @ Lubistan
5. One Red Dot v Lanky dude @ Chisai’nihon Stadium
6. Shonar Bangla v One Red Dot @ Shonar Bangla
7. One Red Dot v Rejistania @ Royal Burrington Stadium
8. Peter Panarchy v One Red Dot @ Peter Panarchy
9. One Red Dot v Morawny @ Royal Sir Rangoon Stadium
10. Giant Zucchini v One Red Dot @ Giant Zucchini
11. One Red Dot v Lubistan @ Gweridijong City Stadium
12. Lanky dude v One Red Dot @ Lanky dude
13. One Red Dot v Shonar Bangla @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium
14. Rejistania v One Red Dot @ Rejistania

Tickets for all matches can still be bought at your local ORDOTIX counters. Prices are subject to locale and availability. Live broadcast of all matches can be seen on Channel 7.

ORD World Cup Record:
World Cup WC4 WC5 WC6 WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Matches Played 9 10 17 13 13 17 7 2

Wins 3 5 9 9 6 8 4 2
Draws 3 0 7 1 2 4 1 0
Losses 3 5 1 3 5 5 2 0

Goals For 9 17 31 31 22 24 14 6
Average GF 1.00 1.70 1.82 2.38 1.69 1.41 2.00 3.00
Goals Against 10 16 16 9 19 19 11 0
Average GA 1.11 1.60 0.94 0.69 1.46 1.12 1.57 0.00
Goal Diff. –1 +1 +15 +22 +3 +5 +3 +6
Average GD -0.11 +0.11 +0.88 +1.69 +0.23 +0.29 +0.43 +3.00

Total Matches 9 19 36 49 62 79 86 88

Acc. Wins 3 8 17 26 32 40 44 46
Acc. Draws 3 3 10 11 13 17 18 18
Acc. Losses 3 8 9 12 17 22 24 24

Accumulated GF 9 26 57 88 110 134 148 154
Ave. Acc. GF 1.00 1.37 1.58 1.80 1.77 1.70 1.72 1.75
Accumulated GA 10 26 42 51 70 89 100 100
Ave. Acc. GA 1.11 1.37 1.17 1.04 1.13 1.13 1.16 1.14
Accumulated GD -1 0 +15 +37 +40 +45 +50 +56
Ave. Acc. GD -0.11 0 +0.42 +0.76 +0.65 +0.57 +0.58 +0.64

Average Opp. Rank# 20.50 13.00 21.33 25.40 41.80 26.29 16.86 ^
Highest Opp. Rank 12 5 8 7 21 1 1 ^
Lowest Opp. Rank# 30 26 50 52 68 79 50 ^

Pre-Match Rank - 27 30 22 16 29 29 ^

^Ranks are not disclosed due to the refusal of TnUI of revealing any of the rankings to the public.
#Newbie ranks are excluded.
*Rounding-ups/downs may cause calculative errors in the table.[/code:1:2c49c6823d]
The Belmore Family
04-01-2004, 17:48
A little competion, who can guess the scores of the WC matches the best. You get 1 point for getting the amount of gaols scored by a team, Another for the other team 1 point for getting the correct winner/draw. TG me what you think is going to happen in these matches. This competition is not open to any citizen of Warnocks Wizards or TnUI.

Sliponia Vs Lemmitania
Keyshona Vs Avenging Altos
The Weegies Vs Busby
Eauz Vs Jeruselem

Timway Vs Oglethorpia
Svecia Vs Zinkoland
NASTIC 2 Vs Dark Outcasts
Gmlac Vs Alex The Tall

Belmorian Scandinavia Vs Snub Nose 38
Kravoli Vs Ravea
Tranquillitis Vs KOR3A
East-Germany Vs Dennisov

One Red Dot Vs Giant Zucchini
Peter Panarchy Vs Morawny
Shonar Bangla Vs Lanky dude
Rejistania Vs Lubistan

One Blue Dot Vs Ravenspire
Spaam Vs Kaze Progressa
Belarussian States Vs Brazillico
Exetonia Vs Dead Man

Squornshelous Vs Bedistan
NEWI Cefn Druids Vs Athamasha
Dual supporters Vs Creedence Clearwater
Tanah Burung Vs Gesamtkuntswerk

SterlingIce Vs Europa Brittania
Stella and E Vs Akbarland
Antaeus Rising Vs Eaglet
Runaway Moose Vs Newcuba

The Tree Mountains Vs Ariddia
New Montreal States Vs Nikea
Belmorian Foxworthia Vs Zeronia
East Spaam Vs Tony mag

Defari Vs Kingsford
Monkwearmouth Vs Oilermania
Halfassedstates Vs Western pie makers
Commerce Heights Vs EL CID THE HERO

Beestings Vs Liverpool England
The Lowland Clans Vs Pablicosta
Anti-Nazis Vs Iansisle
Praying2God Vs Cockbill Street

Lynnwoode Vs Audioslavia
Mattigool Vs Oddslavo
Ice Reavers Vs Aquilla
Artemisia Absentia Vs Big Butts

God Squad Vs The Belmore Family
Cermania Vs Ptolomy
Kerla Vs Pavesia
Vozvyshennost Vs Blood Devourers
04-01-2004, 18:27
Warnocks Wizards News Roundup

From our news services...

Celebrations for the One Author
Yesterday was a festive occasion across the Enlightened Empire of Warnocks Wizards. Citizens of our multi-cultural empire had the day off to celebrate the 111th birthday of the One Author. There were dances and celebrations across the mountains, fields, and valleys of the Empire. The streets of the capital New Orthanc were thronged with partying men, elves, dwarves, hobbits, ents, orcs, Uruk’Hai, trolls, giant spiders, and alligators. At Fortress Warnock, the national football stadium on Mount Doom, a gala of stars and dignitaries led a raucous standing room only crowd, singing “The Old Walking Song” and reciting lines from The One Canon.

Prime Mage Fangallad Injured; Secondary Mage Omega to Lead High Council
There was only one minor mishap reported during the festivities celebrating the One Author; Prime Mage Fangallad, Chairman of the High Council and leader of the Enlightened Empire, was felled by a whirling dervish of a dancing Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe member. The P.M. suffered two broken legs and a cracked spine and will be bed ridden at the New Rivendell Health Institute indefinitely. In lieu of the P.M.’s injuries, a government spokesperson proclaimed that Secondary Mage Omega will assume Fangallad’s duties while the elderly leader is recuperating. Little is known of the shadowy Omega, who has quietly served on the council for the last twenty years.

World Cup Preparations on Track
Members of the Warnocks Wizards Ministry for Sport have been working hard behind the scenes in preparation for World Cup 11. The Empire was chosen as co-host with Total n Utter Insanity and representatives of both countries have been consulting and working out arrangements to insure the tournament runs as smoothly as possible.

Expansions of the two largest stadia in Warnocks Wizards, the National Stadium of Fortress Warnock on Mount Doom and Shelobs Lair, are proceeding according to plan. When completed in the near future, capacities at the Fortress will be increased by 50% and at the Lair by 100%. After renovation the stadia will be able to accommodate 90,000 and 74,000 humanoids respectively.

Goldsmiths from both TnUI and WW have been meeting to discus a design of the World Cup which will be specially created for the event. After much deliberating, it has been decided that the Cup will be forged from the fires of Mount Doom. Dwarven specialists from the Empire will work hand in hand with their Insane counterparts to produce the unique item which will be awarded to the victors of World Cup 11. Of the design, dwarven smith Saurlin Goldzealot has called the Cup, “too precious for words.”

Carlos the Chimp Starting to Talk
He’s been in custody for nearly four years and finally infamous pseudo-football official Carlos Contramistic is beginning to divulge the existence of a vast conspiracy against the Empire of Warnocks Wizards. The former referee, directly responsible for at least two Crimes Against Football perpetrated against the WW National Team, initially claimed that he was “just a patsy.”
Carlos Contramistic, He’s “Just a Patsy”

After four years of intense interrogation during which members of the Ministry of Police employed the well tested technique of persistent nagging (“The key is persistence and patience,” according to MoP spokeswoman Lobelia the Shrew), Carlos the Chimp is starting to talk. Apparently he was acting under orders from an outside source when he single-handedly decided matches at the Frosty Invitational and during World Cup 10 qualifying. The MoP has released the description of a shadowy, saturnine goateed figure dressed in black. The man is said to be anywhere from five to seven feet tall. Citizens should be on the look out and should notify their nearest MoP office should they spot such an individual.

Reports compiled by Bazgash the Sly & Thrakhak the Slinger,
correspondents of WW1
Europa Brittania
04-01-2004, 18:37
Former world champions Europa Brittania remain at the summit of group seven after emerging victorious form their first two matches of the new qorld cup campaign. EB fielded a largely unchanged side form the starting eleven that had bowed out so weakly during the second round of the previous competition.





A seventh minute header from rookie defender Nigel Xander eased EB to a one goal win over Akbarland. Xander, making only his fifth international start was an emergency draft, and on this performancer is pushing for a regular place within the back four.

Derek Lionel has found goals somewhat hard as of late, suffering a drought in domestic competition that lead to his club FC Atlantis resting him for several games. He regained his form somewhat with an inspirational hatrick of goals against Stella and E, matchday two opponents.

Striking first to round the keeper after a low throughball by Huntly on eighteen minutes, Lionel showed critics why he continued to command an international starting place. He doubled his tally on thirty minutes. A corner cleared only as far as Scott Muir allowed a deep cross to reach the pint sized striker, who made the most of the chance and directed a header past an exposed keeper.

The hatrick was sealed shortly before full time, a clumsy challenge inside the box on Lester brought a spot kick which Lionel duly buried to seal a three goal victory.

EB have yet to concede a single goal, and are on course for qualification.
04-01-2004, 20:24
Paladins, Arrida play to a draw

Quality performances on both sides cancel each other out

ARRIDA - Last night the NMS Paladins played a solid game for their first ever World Cup draw (never having drawn in WCX).

The Paladins came on strong early on, with Maurice Villeneuve and Henri Thibault spearheading a powerful attack. The ball was kept in Arridian territory for almost 20 minutes straight at one point. Although the Arridian goalkeeper shone it was only a matter of time before something gave. Villeneuve headed it in on a pass from Jean Patrie at 45 minutes into the half.

The Paladins kept up the pressure until an error by Freshman midfielder Trevor Balacre gave Arrida the ball in NMS territory. The Arridan offense quickly and efficiently scored, putting it at 1-1 as the half ended.

And that was the game. The Paladins played a more cautious game in the second half, and both sides pretty much ran the ball down the field. A pair of spectacular saves on a Paladin drive saved the game for the Arridans, and Paladin goaltender Antoine Lebeau managed to keep things under control on his end with 10 saves in the second half.

Paladin coaches had nothing but praise for their opponents, and said as one that they looked foward to a rematch at the Paladin Dome back in New Montreal.
04-01-2004, 20:25
Tanah Burung opened with a disappointing 1-1 draw against the unknown and almost extinct Dual Supporters on a goal by captain Canabe Livit. Here is a country where nothing moves. Silence pervades. The doom of Dual Supporters, observers believe, came from eating vegetables infected with eviscerative spongiform encephalitis (the dreaded ESE).

Fans snacked on evisceratomatoes nervously. "The secret is only to eat the Errinundrian Engineered Evisceratomatoes," Sister da Cruz confided to 83,000 of her closest friends over the loudspeaker. "Anyway, you shouldn't eat vegetables smuggled in from Oglethorpia. I hear they whip the workers there!"

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Random-expected mad-evisceratomato development!
"Evisceratomatoes are too safe," says FD&FAA&F head Mike Stumbles

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Following recent developments in Tanah Burung essentially boycotting Oglethorpian evisceratomatoes, Harry Gray of Consolidated Foods heartily denied any claims that Oglethorpian evisceratomatoes are infected with ESE. "Tanah Burungians everywhere should enjoy our evisceratomatoes as much as any other," he said confidiently. When reminded that none were being exported any longer, he simply said "oh, right."

To date, no evisceratomatoes have been quarentined on basis of infection with ESE -- but due to the extensive testing of those fruits/vegetables/edible things being circulated around the nation, a good portion of the evisceratomatoes are sitting in large underground labratories.

"We'll keep serving evisceratomato here," said Jim Trips of a small Megalopolis City diner. "I trust the FD&FAA&F."

Meanwhile, the Best of the Better Business Bureau and it's thousands of subcommittees are busy refuting claims from the citizens of neighboring country Tanah Burung. "'I hear they whip the workers there!,' they say?" says Doug Whidby with an air of disbelief. "Believe you me, if you beat your workers, you end up filling out a good thousand forms -- or more."

Ah, bureaucracy is a good detterrent.

More on mad evisceratomato as it comes.
04-01-2004, 21:19
Spaam Online Daily

Spaam Loses First Of Many

Spaam lost its first match of many at home last night when it played
Ravenspire at Shaw City. In front of a crowd of 73000, the Spaamanians
had to endure a frustrating 90 minutes against a inpenetrable defense that
flared a few tempers. Enigmatic striker, Nala Eromleb was sent off in the
63rd minute after coming to blows with the Ravenspire defender Justin
Timberlake. This allowed the Ravenspire striker Christina Aguilera to
score 3 minuted later, the ball easily going past Spaamanian goalkeeper,
Fin Bólin. The Spaamanians never recovered, going down 1 nil.

Mad Evisceratomatoes Hurting Sauce Industry

The Mad Evisceratomato furor is starting to hurt United Spaam's second
biggest industry, Evisceratomato Sauce. The industry, which exports over
100 billion US dollars worth of Evisceratomato Sauce and employs over 1
million people, is crucial to Spaam's recent economic success. However,
many plants have had to be shut down due to the outbreak of Mad
Evisceratomato disease. Mick Foley, director of Spaam's largest
Evisceratomato Sauce company, Smash'Em Sauces, says that their
hunters have had to go further abroad to find Evisceratomatoes, and have
effectively had to evacuate their natural country.
05-01-2004, 00:02
A little competion, who can guess the scores of the WC matches the best. You get 1 point for getting the amount of gaols scored by a team, Another for the other team 1 point for getting the correct winner/draw. TG me what you think is going to happen in these matches. This competition is not open to any citizen of Warnocks Wizards or TnUI.

<a load of stuff>

my guess is:

TBF will win due to a goal by Alan Belmore

Liverpool England will draw, but will have seven goals disallowed and will be denied five clear-cut penalties.

One Blue Dot will get their collective asses handed back to them on a plate

Spaam will win, but only narrowly, so they can be knocked out on goal difference later on.

Evisceratomatoes will lose after their goalkeeper pauses to reflect on the fact that the world has suddenly turned into a giant incarnation of Thelma from Scooby Do. Said goalkeeper will die seconds later and infect lots of people.

Aquilla and Oddslavo will both win all their games, and thus occupy both the auto-qualification spots for Audioslavia's group.
05-01-2004, 01:54
*Joining the Nightly News in Progress*

Anchor: ...the cat was safely rescued from the tree and trotted away with only minor injuries.

*The anchor shifts his shoulders and turns towards camera 2*

Anchor: Now, we have our football specialist Filipo Squillari over live in Exetonia. Here to talk about the game and how our Chili Bats are doing. Filipo, are you there?

FS: Yes I am.

Anchor: That's super. How did today's clash against Exetonia go.

FS: Well, this one came out to a nil-nil draw, which is a result I think both teams can be content with. Brazillico battled hard on the road and managed to get their second clean sheet in as many games.

Anchor: So after this match, where exactly does Brazillico stand in the grand scheme of things?

FS: Right now, Brazillico is looking pretty good. Their 3-0 drubbing of Dead Man really boosted the morale of players and fans alike, and their draw today pushed their international unbeaten streak to five matches.

Anchor: How about a quick rundown of how things stand in the group?

FS: Brazillico is in a Group 5, which contains contenders Ravenspire, Kaze Progressa and Spaam. The rest of the group is comprised of nations who've been absent from several cups or relative unknowns in the footballing world. Ravenspire has looked very sharp, gathering two wins over Kaze Progressa and Spaam. Brazillico is currently in second in the group and their is a whole pack of teams lurking close behind.

Anchor: We only have 15 seconds left, so quickly... Can Brazillico make it to the World Cup?

FS: Like I said before, there are three teams who are really the class of this group, and I just don't see it happening that another team can hop up and steal one of the top two positions from their grasp. Of the three teams, my guess Spaam would be the odd one out since they have looked sketchy thus far. That being said, this Brazillico team looks sharp and I think they will have a good qualifying run and firmly replace themselves on the world map.

Anchor: Thank you Filipo, that's all the time we got.

FS: Th...

*Camera cuts off from Squillari and goes to a tight shot of the anchor, looking straight into the lens of camera one*

Anchor: After the break, Guns... Do they kill people or do we kill people? That and more after we return.
05-01-2004, 05:07
This is to announce that Matchday 3 Results and Tables ( have now been posted.
05-01-2004, 05:26
The Bureaucratic Tribune

2-nil win keeps GA at 0
Wonderteam secures 2nd win on MD 3

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Wonderteam returned to Amalgamated Stadium to face off with Timway on matchday 3, Oglethorpia off a win and a draw prior to the match. The Wonderteam, and it's offense led by Torrence Black quickly showed fans what the pace of the game would be, striker Jorge White scoring early on in the 10th minute. Oglethorpia up 1-nil would see many more shots on goal, but none would yield a goal with the match going to half-time 1-nil, Oglethorpia up over Timway.

Yamamoto-san saw little action on goal, Timway only equating to 7 shots on goal the whole of the match.

"Luckily," said coach Picciotto, "Ken'Ichi was playing a good game in the box and kept 'em all out."

Not till the 72nd minute would Oglethorpia earn it's second goal, essentially securing the win vs. Timway on matchday 1. Fernando Green hit a beautifully curving corner, hit home by Torrence Black and his 'hard head' as coach Picciotto so fondly puts it.

"It was a good header," said Fernando Green, whom proceeded to celebrate in grand fashion with Torrence Black following the goal. "Corners are always fun."

Oglethorpia would score yet another on Timway -- but the offsides Kirk Calhoun would make the third null-and-void.

"It's all good," commented Jorge White, one of three of the Wonderteam's strikers in the team's 3-4-3. "Kirk doesn't do it much, and Yamamoto-san's playin' great in the goal."

Fulltime would see the 2-nil win sealed in the record books for Oglethorpia.

"As long as we keep it up," said coach Picciotto.


(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (J. White 10th, T. Black 73rd)
Timway - 0
05-01-2004, 05:54
Jim Anderson (JA): Welcome to our daily sports report. Bill Carter isn't here today because he is meeting with a grand jury to answer questions about his relationship with one of his interns. :wink: That being said, here's Jennifer Johnson with the report on Praying2God's home match in the World Cup against Cockbill Street.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): (wearing a bag over her head) Today's match was simply dreadful for the home squad. The signs of promise that they had shown in the first two matches disappeared today. Cockbill Street dominated the game on both ends and won 3-0, in a game that wasn't as close as the final score indicated. :cry: Cockbill scored all 3 of their goals before halftime, and Head Coach Jesus Christ pulled goalie C.S. Lewis for the youngster, Joshua Harris. Harris made several magnificant saves in the second half of his World Cup debut to keep the game from becoming even more lopsided. Here's what Assistant Coach Simon Peter had to say after the game.

Simon Peter: I don't know what team that was in our uniforms today, because it surely wasn't our team. They made all the simple mistakes that a team of ten year olds should be able to avoid. I've talked with Jesus, and there definitely will be changes made before tomorrow's match. I apologize to the fans who came today to support us because they definitely did not get their money's worth. :oops:

JJ: (with her head still in a bag) That's all from here. Back to Jim in the studio. :cry:

JA: I've just gotten word that Information Minister John Williams is about to make a statement. Let's see what he has to say.

John Williams: I've just spoken to President Tim Larson, and he has declared today a national day of mourning for our soccer team which was brutally murdered on the field today by Cockbill Street. :cry: Tonight there will be a prayer service in the national church here in the capital.

JA: That pretty well sums up the morale in our country right now. I'm going to sign off and go talk to Bill's intern, and see if she can cheer me up. :wink:
05-01-2004, 06:19
Recess at Nixil Public

It was yet another beautiful day at Nixil Public School. The sun shone brightly onto the brick schoolyard and the grassy meadow below. Children were scattered about amusing themselves in everyway possible. A group of second graders were swaying merrily upon the swing set. Some fourth graders, participating in a fierce game of “soccer baseball”. Two sixth graders, crouching down by the fence trying to puff on a pinecone. On the stairs to the entrance sat a pack of four fifth graders, discussing the most important global events.

Guillermo: I tells you, I say, Brazillico’s gonna win the cup.

Filipo: That’s wack. They’ll be lucky to even make it there.

Guillermo: Have you been watchin’ the games. They’s been kickin’ ass.

Enrique: Yeah, seven points through nine games and they haven’t let a goal in. Man, that’s impressive.

Filipo: Yeah, but do you know who they were playin’ against?

Enrique: Well I know they beat some team 1-0 that started with a B… Belmorian Scandinavia, maybe?

Timmy: NO. It was Belarussian States you gay faggot.

Filipo: Take it easy Timmy, not to many people knew that one. Or any of the other teams Brazillico has faced thus far.

Guillermo: Chill up, man. They still won, and I bets that Ravenspire is shaking in their little purple cleats.

Filipo: Prolly not, they’ve beat good teams. Our schedule has been easy.

Timmy: Your mom’s easy.

*All find crack about Filipo’s mother’s promiscuity funny and laugh, except Filipo*

Filipo: At least my mom’s not a stripper.

*Timmy drops his head in shame*

Guillermo: So who we gots next?

Enrique: It’s Spaam, and they’re struggling hardcore.

Filipo: The same Spaam that trounced us 3-1 at the Harmony Cup?

Enrique: The very same.

Filipo: I hate to be a downer, but I think we’re gonna lose this one.

Timmy: You’re wrong retard. Spaam hasn’t won yet.

Filipo: Come on, they’re due!

Guillermo: I bets we’ll put the cleats to them. Retaliate for when they last beat us.

Enrique: Ho-ho! Retaliate… didn’t know you had that one in your arsenal.

Guillermo: I DID NOT PULL IT OUT OF MY ARS! I knows plenty of big words; everything, marmalade, strawberry.

Filipo: That it, G?

Guillermo: Pretty much.

Enrique: ‘Aright, lets finish the vocabulary session and get back to the football? I’m putting an even spread on this game, who do you pick to win the next game?

Guillermo: I gots Brazillico.

Filipo: Spaam by two.

Enrique: I also like Brazillico, who do you like Timmy?

Timmy: No money, no Timmy.

Enrique: Alright so its two against one that Brazillico is gonna win. Looks like you’re wrong Philly.

Filipo: Let ‘em play the game first.

*Bell rings*

Filipo: Ah shit, recess is already over. What do we got when we get in?

Enrique: Grammar.

Guillermo: I hates that grammar class…
Group 5 Standings
OOC: I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Brazillico 3 2 1 0 4 0 4 7
Ravenspire 3 2 1 0 3 1 2 7
Kaze Progressa 3 2 0 1 3 2 1 6
Exetonia 3 1 2 0 4 3 1 5
Dead Man 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
One Blue Dot 3 0 2 1 1 2 -1 2
Spaam 3 0 1 2 1 3 -2 1
Belarussian States 3 0 1 2 4 7 -3 1[/code:1:8e3e99189a]
Brazillico vs Dead Man (Libertad Stadium: Libertad, Brazillico) W 3-0
Exetonia vs Brazillico T 0-0
Belarussian States vs Brazillico W 1-0
Brazillico vs Spaam (Callinho Bridge: Los Vallejo, Brazillico)
One Blue Dot vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Ravenspire (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Kaze Progressa vs Brazillico
Dead Man vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Exetonia (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Brazillico vs Belarussian States (Dundee Lane: Tartan, Brazillico)
Spaam vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs One Blue Dot (Cristobal Memorial Stadium, Corsa Pasi, Brazillico)
Ravenspire vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Kaze Progressa (Undelay Industries Stadium: Kalita, Brazillico)
Liverpool England
05-01-2004, 08:43
Ex-champs thrash newcomers away 4-0 as Blackmore scores rare hat-trick
(OOC - I'm not going to be able to RP as frequently as beofre due, so...)
BEESTINGS 0 LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 4 (Christopher 4th, 6th, 67th, [player] own goal 55th)
05-01-2004, 09:34
Ravens Win Two
Full Coverage in Tomorrow's Special Edition

(OOC: Okay, I'm back from my business trip, but too tired to do this justice right now. There will be either two posts or a combined three-match post tomorrow.

...Oh, yeah, this is Ravenspire. Too tired to switch nations, too.)
05-01-2004, 09:57
“Well, at least the defense is doing well,” commented Jamie Peters, the Ianapalis Star-Tribune’s SuperIans correspondent.

“Hmph,” agreed Harold Gildermist of the Fort Jackson Union as the crowd of reporters waited in the press room for Coach Westmore’s statements.

“Y’know,” cut in Joe Wright of ‘The Wright Foot’ randomly, “This is kinda weird. I mean, we draw scoreless with the super-religious team, and now we draw scoreless with a team from Anti-Nazis. Y’know, with us fighting the Third Reich and all, it kinda makes you wonder if we’re jinxed against teams we share a strong ideology with.”

“Who’re we playing next?” asked Gildermist as Peters sighed loudly.

“The Lowland Clans,” Wright informed him seriously. “Now, I’ve been researching it, and we don’t share any sort of identifiable ideology with them.”

“That’s good!” said Gildermist with a smile.

“That’s irrelevant, Harry!” exclaimed Peters in exasperation. “These last couple games were lost because of sloppy offense, pure and simple. We’ll win again when Westmore addresses the problem, not when the stars align for some sort of ideological crusade!”

“Hmph,” grunted Gildermist, his smile turning to a frown very quickly. “Sounds like a Union exclusive to me.”

“Not hardly, Mr. Gildermist,” smiled Wright with a cocky air about him. “By the time your evening edition comes out, it’ll be old news. Ah, the joys of wireless!”

The two newspaper-men were about to retort when Westmore strode out onto the stage and every pen in the place started waving in the air.
Cockbill Street
05-01-2004, 10:24
Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Bjorn Takes Over Right Wing Responsibility
We Keep It In The Family

After Harald Axewielder's freak injury in the last match, few would have thought that his replacement, young brother Bjorn, would have any serious impact on today's match against Praying2God - but the few happened to be right. A fantastic performance by him, and the rest of the team, set up a magnificent 3-0 victory that put the team right back on track for qualification. Granted, they are in seventh place, but with the expected win in the next fixture against Beestings, that will give a solid six points from the first four games.

Today's match, then, was an excellent game of football. The Praying2God players were solid, but struggled somewhat in defense. For example in the ninth minute, when a through pass from Bjorn Axewielder landed on Matt Pollock's feet, and then was struck wonderfully into the goal. Another two goals from Dolomite, who headed in a corner, and Adam Petisha, who got his foot forward in the spree in front of goal, made it 3-0 just before half-time.

In the second half, Cockbill Street withdrew, allowing Praying2God some chances. Martin Luther had the greatest one, hammering a shot from 20 metres just outside the far post, but to be honest Jorn Axewielder was in control. In fact, Cockbill Street was unlucky not to win by more, as both Thomas Lehrer and Adam Petisha was alone with substitute keeper Joshua Harris, but the latter made spectacular saves on both occasions. Bjorn Axewielder's long shot just before he was substituted should also have gone in, but was cleared off the line at the very last second by a defender.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Chalky 5 (Eversham 81), Dolomite 5, Harmison 5 - Calcite 6, Petisha 7, Lehrer 4, B Axewielder 7 (Olsen 55 5) - Tungsten-carbide 7, Pollock 6, Quier 5.

Cockbill Street 3 (Pollock 9, Dolomite 37, Petisha 44)
Praying2God 0
Giant Zucchini
05-01-2004, 11:07

The big and mighty Group 4 clash ended resoundingly...without a goal. Giant Zucchini, playing with a young forward line of Zonk and Xcavabar, could not find a way through a thick Wolves defence. Meanwhile, Oog was in fine form as usual, stopping shots and saving the game from a sloppy defence. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We are not finding any sort of form in this qualifying. Something needs to be done. We need to get into a qualifying spot. That is our priority."
05-01-2004, 11:12
Cheevers Back in Business

After the first three games of the qualifying series for WC-11, the Dennisov goalkeeper is back to his old form. Stopping any attempts at scoring.

Game 1
Kor3a - Dennisov 0-1
34th minute : Conacher 0-1

In a very poor game in dreadful circumstances two teams were more afraid of losing than anything else. The only highlight of the game was a long range effort by Conacher to put Dennisov ahead. The only goal also sealed the game as both teams were unable to put up any sort of fight.

Game 2
Dennisov - Tranquillitis 0-0

After the away game against Kor3a, Dennisov's next opponents had nothing to fear. The absence of Goulet from the squad is clearly visible as his replacement Malone squandered chance after chance. The team, which is even more defensive than the previous one seems unable even to find their opposing goal. The scoreless draw was a truthful depiction of Dennisov's lack of scoring potential.

Game 3

East-Germany - Dennisov 0-3
3rd minute: Clancy 0-1
10th minute: Joliat 0-2
14th minute: Joliat 0-3

15 minutes of football was all both teams could muster. The scoresheet looks impressive, but the performance was far from that. The poor quality of Dennisov's attack is only camouflaged by the highly skilled goal keeper.
05-01-2004, 15:06
Third Try brings a Win

The Third match of the Qualification round, against the team from The Crusader State of Jeruselem, brought victory at home. The team from Jeruselem though gave Les Bleus a good match, not letting Les Bleus score until the 76th minute. Coach Samuel Napoli though, was not happy with this win. He said that he had wished the team would have at least brought a clear victory early in the game. He was worried that the game would result in yet another tie. "This team just isn't playing like it knows how to. Sure we won, but last World Cup, we were winning 2-0, 3-0, etc... This team couldn't score a goal against a new team until late in the game. I give my congrats to the Team from Jeruselem for playing well against us."

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies 0 - 0 T
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz 1 - 1 T
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz 0 - 1 W
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

[code:1:49f2c84b79]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Keyshona 3 2 1 0 4 0 4 7
Lemmitania 3 1 2 0 5 1 4 5
Busby 3 1 2 0 4 3 1 5
The Weegies 3 1 2 0 4 3 1 5
Eauz 3 1 2 0 2 1 1 5
Sliponia 3 1 1 1 5 4 1 4
Jeruselem 3 0 0 3 1 4 -3 0
Avenging Altos 3 0 0 3 2 11 -9 0
05-01-2004, 15:19
Jeruselem Government News

The Jeruselem Crusaders lost their third World Cup match in row, going down in valiant defeat to Eauz. Captain David Becks looked despondent "Our forwards simply failed to score the crucial goal to give us the edge. The boys tried hard, but the Eauz defense was simply too good on the day.".

Team coach Steve Marlet tried to be optimistic "We can still win as our losses were narrow ones. We are not scoring goals and paying the price in narrow defeats. Our keeper is doing well, but our defense needs to improve".

In some bad news, Jeruselem lost defender Rabbi Goldstein to injury after tumbling badly. Rookee Paul Barn will take his place for the next game. Striker Manny Jones will replaced by veteran Diego Forlan according to the coaching staff.
05-01-2004, 15:23
'Slaves in the Woode
confidence booster away from home

Despite having already played two matches, Kenny Lravitz must feel the tournament finally got underway as Audioslavia pulled off a worthy performance.

Granted, newer nations like Lynnwoode are teams that one wouldnt expect the 'slaves to get beat by, but after the rickety start, the 'slaves can be thankful that theyve got a confortable win under their belts.

Calls for a start for Gary King were answered by Lravitz, as King partnered, somewhat surprisingly, Tom Lever up front - a player more renowned for being a winger, but who occasionally plays up-front for his team Cornellby City.

Audioslavia's main strikers (and best players) Wayne Bury and Jonny Willow were both left on the bench. Kravitz has told the paper that he wants to rest Willow after his injury, but he is such a fine player that he always wants to be able to bring him on if things arent going to well. Bury's exclusion from the first eleven is an expected one after a long time without a goal and a run of bad form for club and country.

A mixed-up 'slaves side lined up


2 5 6 3
Branson Jackson Harrison Wilton

21 4 8 11
Mill Shearer Maplin Ward

12 7
King Lever

for the match in Lynnwoode, with Lravitz hoping for something a bit special from his new inclusions Mill and King. He got something special within five minutes, as Mill used his spectacular pace to tear down the wing and cross for Lever, who's scuffed shot fell to King to sweep the ball into the back of the net.

Shearer got the next goal on 35 minutes, picking up a poor clearance on the edge of the box and striking the ball low into the corner.

The final goal came after half time, with Lever finishing off a good move which saw a surprisingly adept Audioslavian strike force slice through the Lynnwoode defence.

Final Score

Lynnwoode 0
Audioslavia 3 (King 4, Shearer 34, Lever 68)

[code:1:e17f829d59]Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 3 3 0 0 6 0 6 9
Audioslavia 3 2 1 0 4 0 4 7
Oddslavo 3 2 1 0 4 1 3 7
Artemisia Absentia 3 1 1 1 2 3 -1 4
Lynnwoode 3 1 0 2 2 6 -4 3
Big Butts 3 0 2 1 0 3 -3 2
Ice Reavers 3 0 1 2 1 3 -2 1
Mattigool 3 0 0 3 2 5 -3 0

Other matches in group 11:
Mattigool 1-2 Oddslavo
Ice Reavers 0-1 Aquilla
Artemisia Absentia 0-0 Big Butts

So far, apart from a dissappointing Mattigool side, Group 11 seems to be going to form, with Aquilla, Audioslavia and Oddslavo winning their last two games and pulling ahead of the pack.

Audioslavia's next game is against Artemsia Absentia, so far the most impressive of the 'other' teams in the group. A difficult away match in unknown territory beckons, and the 'slaves should hope for a draw at the best.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches
The Lowland Clans
05-01-2004, 15:25
ASNN - Thunder Offense Encouters a Defence to Match
Thunder offence stuttered to a halt against Pablicosta Defense

Today's match at Graham City Stadium was a thunderous occasional, with capacity plus crowd watching the World Cup qualifying against Pablicosta. The Stars captain, Mark Jeremy, has established that the Offence will win the game for them. "Our style is to press and press all game, to push their defence to the limits while defenders and halfs keep the ball close ot the eighteen. It's no secret that this is our style, and it's also no secret that it works well."

Well, the offence seemed to meet it's match today in the Pablicosta defence, which withstood the constant pressure applied to it by the Clanner offense. The striking amount of ball possesion in favor of the Stars was astounding, with it 69 - 21 for the Clans. But the defence was remarkable, and di an excellent job and keep the ball away from the goal. But even this masterful defence couldn't completely withstand the pressure applied to it. Mark Jeremy stole the ball from a charge up the middle by Pablicostan fullbacks, and charged down the middle. He played it masterfully, chipping it over the defender, then powering it home late in the second half. Jeremy said after the game that the Pablicostan defence had obvious been breaking down hours of tape for this game. "Otherwise, they wouln't have known all our tendancies and styles, it's a real credit to their coaching staff."

TLC Stars 1 - 0 Pablicosta
Jeremy (82)
The Belmore Family
05-01-2004, 16:18
TBF will win due to a goal by Alan Belmore

That would be stunning seeing he has retired
05-01-2004, 16:31
TBF will win due to a goal by Alan Belmore

That would be stunning seeing he has retired

not really, if TBF ever go two goals down i half expect him to come on the field with 10 minutes to go and score a hat-trick :P

what shirt-number was he? 10? 9? i think you should have just put a big 'S' on his shirt :P
The Belmore Family
05-01-2004, 16:53
TBF victorius over God Squad

The Belmore Family have recored a solid win over God Squad with both Kshitz Ghandi and Fosam Smith getting on the score sheet. The match started fairly evenly with both teams getting several chances early on. The best chance however fell to God Squd when <player 7> caught onto <player 9>'s through ball only to be denied by the fingertips of Jack Pini. Then luck befell TBF, scoring straight on the conter attack when Ghandi chipped it though to Price on the halfway line who took it up and played it through to Smith who had the easy job of blasting the ball under the keepers diving body. But God Squad played on well with <player 9> hitting the bar and <player 8> had a very likly penlty shout. But TBF held keeping the score at 1-0 at the break.

When the teams came out again however it was onee-way traffic for TBF. 4 years out of the footballing scene had obviusly taken it's toll Squadian side as TBF easily out classed the tired Squadian side. The atch was sealed however afer 64 minutes when Smith was tripped in the box by <player 5>. Kshitz Ghandi came up to take the kick, camly putting the ball to the left of the keeper for his 5th goal for TBF. After that TBF just left the game to the Squadians, takling them if they came to the goal.


Smith (27) Ghandi (64)
The Belmore Family
05-01-2004, 16:54
TBF will win due to a goal by Alan Belmore

That would be stunning seeing he has retired

not really, if TBF ever go two goals down i half expect him to come on the field with 10 minutes to go and score a hat-trick :P

what shirt-number was he? 10? 9? i think you should have just put a big 'S' on his shirt :P
10. S?
05-01-2004, 17:25
10. S?

no thanks, im more of a badminton man.

('S' as in what Superman wears on his costume. nevermind)
05-01-2004, 17:25
HSMG Bulletin -

Halfassed finally score!

3rd Match ends goal drought

After the opening 2 games ended scoreless, Halfassed finally got a victory tonight in the third match of WCXI qualifying.

The final score was 2-0
Highlights later.

OCC: sorry - spent most of the day at work skiving and trying to catch-up. Still trying to figure out the ranking thing!
Unfortunatly I have to go now. Will get RP'ing tomorrow sometime! (Hopefully!)
Commerce Heights
05-01-2004, 18:14
Bulldogs Slaughter EL CID - Again
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Bulldogs played in their new stadium today as if their two 2-0 wins over EL CID THE HERO last Cup meant nothing. The defense allowed very few opportunities for the opponents to score, and Vojtilo had his 3rd straight game allowing 0 goals, as if to overshadow last Cup's shocking 3-0 loss to Audioslavia. Deppiesse finally managed to break the stalemate with his first goal of WC11 in the 38th minute. Both sides made several adjustments at the half, which eventually proved to favor the Bulldogs. Cahalane became unstoppable, and had the ball past the line 3 times before the game ended.
(019) Commerce Heights 4 (Deppiesse 38, Cahalane 54, 68, 82)
(100) EL CID THE HERO 0 - FT
The win allows Commerce Heights to remain on top of the group standings:
[code:1:5d750cffb1]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 3 2 1 0 6 0 +6 7
Kingsford (9) 3 2 1 0 4 2 +2 7
Halfassedstates (13) 3 1 2 0 2 0 +2 5
Monkwearmouth 3 1 1 1 6 8 -2 4
Defari (55) 2 1 0 1 5 3 +2 3
Oilermania (104) 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3
Western pie makers 3 1 0 2 1 4 -3 3
EL CID THE HERO (100) 3 0 1 2 0 5 -5 1[/code:1:5d750cffb1]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth
Day 7: at #55 Defari
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:5d750cffb1] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 62 10 13 17 19 3
Wins 33 3 6 10 12 2
Draws 11 3 4 1 2 1
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.7 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 87.7
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 13
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 100
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.0 gpg
Goal Differential +27 -3 +5 +6 +13 +6
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:5d750cffb1]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:5d750cffb1]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 3 4 1.33
B. Quigley 3 1 0.33
C. Deppiesse 3 1 0.33

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 3 0 0.00[/code:1:5d750cffb1]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 3
[code:1:5d750cffb1]01 Rejistania 3.22
02 Squornshelous 3.33
03 Kravoli 3.43
04 Kerla 3.44
05 Aquilla 3.52
East Spaam 3.52
07 Oglethorpia 3.72
08 Liverpool England 4.03
09 New Montreal States 4.11
The Belmore Family 4.11
11 The Lowland Clans 4.15
12 Dennisov 4.17
13 Commerce Heights 4.18
14 Audioslavia 4.19
15 Dark Outcasts 4.21
16 Antaeus Rising 4.26
17 Brazillico 4.29
One Red Dot 4.29
19 NASTIC 2 4.30
20 Tranquillitis 4.33
21 Anti-Nazis 4.36
Runaway Moose 4.36
23 Gesamtkuntswerk 4.43
24 Keyshona 4.46
25 Oddslavo 4.47
26 Ravenspire 4.48
27 Kingsford 4.51
28 Eauz 4.98
29 Iansisle 5.10
30 Lemmitania 5.12
31 Bedistan 5.13
32 Europa Brittania 5.15[/code:1:5d750cffb1]
05-01-2004, 18:48
We hear radio RejisCAST:

Hejida, this is Idine Sala, you're listening to the only english-speaking radio station in whole Rejistania. Today in 'Live From The Leagues' is of course a report of the match against Lubistan. Sirake is live for us in the Hanin Sekhika stadium. Sirake, how did the match end match?
*Sirake Tekim is hardly heard, through the various noises* Hejida Idine, the match today against Lubistan *not understandable words*
Sirake, we have technical difficulties. We can't hear you! Please repeat it.
*the quality is not any better*.... Lubistan, Syku Hexen.... great saves,... 2 goals
Lubistan has scored two goals?
.... I..
Jen Y? He isn't even a starter.
....Imdila... starters...
This leads to nothing. you hear now Isdari Koxu with the song 'Su?' while we try to get the result.
*the (very long) song begins, is played, fades out and Idine is heard again*
OK, we have the information now: Rejistania has defeated the newcomers of Lubistan by 2-0. The scorers were SyLy and Jen Y. Syku Hexen made some 'world-class' saves against the Lubistanian attacks.
05-01-2004, 18:54
This is to inform you that the newly created Warnocks Wizards Department of Completely Hopelessly Inane Superfluous and Gainless Insubstantial Tributes (CHISAGIT) has released its first report on World Cup 11. The report can be read here:

CHISAGIT Matchday 3 Report (

Thank you,

Corpufax the Dabbler
Fourth-Rate Scribe
Warnocks Wizards Department of Completely Hopelessly Inane Superfluous and Gainless Insubstantial Tributes
05-01-2004, 19:29
Mattigool Sports

Where was Gamsten, Mr. Rismo?

(Goolsund) Third match in a row without Gamsten, third match lost in row. Mattigoolian supporters were pretty upset last night, when they noticed that neither Gamsten nor Laursen were even sitting on the bench. Playmaker and Gool-star Gamsten left the stadium without any comment after another defeat of the Gools. From the beginning Oddslavo were pressuring the surprised Gools. In 15th minute Oddslavo <player 7> tried it from a long a distance and scored with a ferocious left footed strike. No chance for brave Klokset. 23 minutes later <player 9> got into the 6-yard box and shot hard and low, but Klokset did fantastically well to get his fingertips to the ball. Only 5 minutes <player 11> went to the byline, chipped the ball into the penalty area towards <player 9>, and this time he scored. 0:2 at halftime. What a disappointing performance of the Gools.
During 2nd half Oddslavo just did what they had to do and 40.000 watched a boring game. The only highlight was Kristensen's late goal in 85th minute when attempting a desperate half volley from a tight angle.
After the match Mattigoolian supporters were voicing their anger at Rismo's handling of the team. But Rismo responded "I am not disappointed and expected this defeat. Even with Gamsten and Laursen we would have lost. They will be more useful, when they are totally cured."
We'll see, whether Rismo's tactic will be successful or not, but it is hard to believe that this team will perform better in Aquilla next matchday.

Final Score:
Kristensen (85)
<player 7> (15)
<player 9> (43)
The Belmore Family
05-01-2004, 19:33
TBF wins 4 nations Championship!

The Belmore Family is celebrating after winning the 4 nations Championship. The win is partly thanks to the newbies Mattigool whose draw with Liverpool England ensured a great day for Belmorian Football. Speaking live to the nation Alan Belmore said
“I am really happy for winning this tournament with the boys, it’s TBF’s first national trophy and this is the best day of my life.”

The Belmorian team, gave superstar Alan Belmore the cup as both a retiring present and a lifetime achievement award.

Joe Belmore
The Daily Belmorian
NEWI Cefn Druids
05-01-2004, 19:49


David Rhys-Jones reports from Dave on NEWI Cefn Druids 2 Athamasha 2

NEWI Cefn Druids were seconds away from recording their first win in the history of international football when a slip by Trevor Yates allowed the Athamashans to claim a point from a match where they deserved nothing.

The Druids were comfortable in the first half, mounting attack after attack. Athamasha were lucky, as first Frederiksson and then Simpson struck the bar with fierce shots within the first fifteen minutes. In the same period, Yates missed a free header from a beautifully floated in Simpson corner.

However, credit must be given to the Athamashan keeper, who was at full stretch to keep out a curling Greaves free-kick on 23, before producing a great reflex save from a short range Greaves effort shortly afterwards.

It seemed as if the Druids would never break the resistant visitors’ defence. Then, from another corner on 41 minutes, Frederiksson was left in acres of space to head home the simplest of chances from four yards. The Dave crowd of 11,500 went ballistic, as the Druids scored their first international goal.

It was almost two on 37 minutes, as a long range Simpson shot was deflected into the path of Greaves, who hit the underside of the bar before the away defenders cleared.

After the break, the Druids continued the bombardment of the Athamasha goal, first Lee and then Frederiksson with efforts that tested the away goalie, before the Druids struck again in the 54th minute.

On this occasion, the away defence could not keep up with Frederiksson’s pace, and when he was pushed wide by the Athamashan goalkeeper, he squared to give Simon Greaves the simplest of tap-ins to make it two.

The endless flow of Druid attacks continued, but then, out of the blue, the away team managed to mount a counter attack that caught the home defenders cold. After swift passing between <player 8> and <player 7>, the ball was played through to <player 9>, who slotted the ball between Allinson’s legs to make it two one after 72 minutes.

The Druids’ attacks were still relentless, though, and both Lee and substitute Unis came close to restoring the two goal advantage. At the same time, the nervous Druids defence seemed a lot more composed than usual, coping easily with the precious little thrown at them.

That is until three minutes into injury time, when Yates played a poor pass back towards Allinson, and <player 9> had no problems latching onto the ball and finishing past the hapless Druids goalkeeper.

Coach Trevor Stevens showed mixed feelings about the match. He told reporters, “It was nice to see us play well and attacking better, especially as we hadn’t even scored before today, but there still seems to be a lot of nerves in our defensive line, and our attacking players are definitely in need of a little shooting practice.”

The Druids now head for Creedence Clearwater hoping that another game against a fellow new team could bring that elusive first win.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 2 (Frederiksson 37, Greaves 54)
Athamasha 2 (<player 9> 72, 93)

Druids team: Allinson; Kallins, Yates, Seaton, Pearson; Simpson, Lee, Welsh, James; Greaves, Frederiksson (Unis 75).
The Belmore Family
05-01-2004, 19:57
I have just two zings to say right now. One, should any being from TBF or its associates post in zis zread again, zey shall be disqualified from ze Vorld Cup.

Prime Minister Alan Belmore laughed.

"This guy is challenging us for the WC hosting rights? Ha, he still thinks he has power. Arm those rainy-day missles would you."
05-01-2004, 20:22
I have just two zings to say right now. One, should any being from TBF or its associates post in zis zread again, zey shall be disqualified from ze Vorld Cup.

Prime Minister Alan Belmore laughed.

"This guy is challenging us for the WC hosting rights? Ha, he still thinks he has power. Arm those rainy-day missles would you."

OOC: I'm serious TBF. Don't butt in where you are not welcome.
Kaze Progressa
05-01-2004, 22:54

The scene: Keyshona National Stadium, away dressing rooms.

Itasae Murritko is addressing her side.

'I don't believe this, team! I thought you'd learned how to play, and you give away two SOFT goals like that!'

Anna Chinn, on her first-team debut, suffered the worst. The attacking midfielder had shown great fear in a position where style and avoidance of fear is everything.

'Itasae... it's not my fault... they blasted the ball higher than Mariah's singing voice... and... I was thinking of that evil singing teacher who made me sing male parts...'. Of all the Avenging Altos, Anna's voice was one of the deepest. Every single member of the team could sing higher, though only just in some cases.

'Mr Chinn...' giggled Florence Laughlin. Florence had a high speaking voice, though her singing voice was also low. When she wanted it to. Her vocal range, over three and a half octaves, was the biggest of anyone in the team, and she could sing pretty high when she wanted to - which wasn't often.

'Right, play to our strengths. Keep it on the floor, keep it low, keep it low...'... and the team started singing...

It didn't work. A third goal came on 57 minutes, although that was the last. Eleven goals conceded in three games - the most in this qualifying from any side. Truly abysmal.
05-01-2004, 23:49

It was just announced a few minutes ago just what the changes were that Praying2God Head Coach Jesus Christ promised after their humiliating 0-3 loss to Cockbill Street yesterday. It seems that he has gone with a youth movement, if nothing else to give them some experience for the next World Cup. The most notable change is that Joshua Harris, who played so admirably in the second half of the loss to Cockbill Street, will make his first start in the next match, at home against Liverpool England. The starting line-up is (at least) temporarily as follows:

Goalie: Joshua Harris #16 (age 17)
Defenseman: William Tyndale #5 (19)
Defenseman: Chuck Colson #19 (26)
Defenseman: Michael W. Smith #17 (19)
Defenseman: James Dobson #21 (26)
Midfielder: Dietrich Bonhoeffer #7 (20)
Midfielder: Martin Luther King Jr. #9 (19)
Midfielder: Cassie Bernall #15 (15)
Forward: Martin Luther #11-captain (24)
Forward: John Calvin #20 (24)
Forward: Francis of Assisi #18 (20)
06-01-2004, 00:02
(OOC: Going to be rushed today, but I did promise a post, so here goes.)

Ravens Update

Following the first three matches of the World Cup, Ravenspire's national football team stands in qualifying position within their group, as expected.

An initial match against Kaze Progressa, rivals in the two previous Cups, ended in a narrow victory for the Ravens as both sides displayed powerful defensive play. With the retirement of Amara Akizuki, the Ravens' offense has been less daring than in recent years, but top strikers Kaede Kitsuki and Hikari Kitsu each managed a goal to propel the team to a 2-1 win. This was a defenders' game, however; during the last few minutes of play, the defense stepped up to deny several attempts by the Progressans.

A second match against Spaam continued the pattern. Much of the match was spent in the midfield, with only a few strikers managing to slip past on either side to make a shot. Of these, only one was successful, as Hikari Kitsu tagged a fluke shot off the post and Spaam's keeper's shoulder.

The most recent match against One Blue Dot, however, provided the greatest surprise. The Ravens went scoreless against the team that was formerly the worst-ranked of World Cup 9. The match, played in a driving rainstorm, featured no real progress on either side; not a single attempt on the goal was registered in 90 minutes, making this the weakest match ever played as far as offense is concerned.
06-01-2004, 02:14
The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Put In Its Place
Spaam gets first win while handing Brazillico its first loss

(LOS VALLEJO, BRAZILLICO)It was a hard fought match, one which the casual fan yawns at, but the most hardened football fan appreciates for its tough play, but when it was all said and done, Spaam walked away with a well-earned road win.

It was a scoreless affair until injury time in the first half, when the Spaamanian striker tickled the twine, blasting one past Salazar. It was the first goal given up by Brazillico in 324 minutes of play.

Brazillico pressed hard in the second half for the equaliser. However, missed chances coupled together with a stingy Spaamanian back line made scoring a goal impossible.

"They wanted it more than we did," said manager Esteban de Jesus, "We could have shown a little more effort in the first half, but I tip my hat to Spaam, they played a great game."

Brazillico will have to rally back from this 1-0 defeat to the form they had shown in the first few games when they play hosts to FIFA regionmates One Blue Dot. The Dots have looked good as of late, scrambling for a scoreless draw against Ravenspire and getting a convincing win against Group 5 bottom feeders, Dead Man.
The Fairy Tale is Over
By: Rocco Pena

So, the clock just struck twelve for Cinderella. Well not necesarily, but at least I'll hopefully hear less of the garbage floating aroung about Brazillico being global contenders again. Don't get me mistaken, this is a good team, but don't expect them to be winning any more World Cups any time soon.

Alright, maybe I'm being a little harsh on the bats, but let's be honest, this team doesn't have a bat's chance in hell in winning. I wouldn't even bet on them to make it to the big dance. Thusfar, Group 5 has been the tightest of all those in qualifying, so that likely means that only two teams will advance to the cup. With powerhouses like Ravenspire and Kaze Progressa in the group, don't expect anyone else to have much of a chance to escape from group 5.

Last night's defeat to Spaam proved that Brazillico is a good team. They hung with a very potent Spaamanian side and finished up only losing by one. However, good teams tend not to advance to the World Cup, great ones do and great teams don't average a goal per game. Moreover, Brazillico's struggling offense has only been able to muster up a single goal in their last three games.

This is a good team. I wouldn't be surprised if they finished as high as fourth in the group if they solve their offense problems. All things considered, that would be a great accomplishment, with a team rising from relative obscurity to be ranked 40th or so after qualifying. However, to quote Brazillican philosopher Zino, "Winning at football isn't expected, it's a way of life," and 40th or so doesn't do it in this country.
Brazillico vs Dead Man (Libertad Stadium: Libertad, Brazillico) W 3-0
Exetonia vs Brazillico T 0-0
Belarussian States vs Brazillico W 1-0
Brazillico vs Spaam (Callinho Bridge: Los Vallejo, Brazillico) L 0-1
One Blue Dot vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Ravenspire (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Kaze Progressa vs Brazillico
Dead Man vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Exetonia (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Brazillico vs Belarussian States (Dundee Lane: Tartan, Brazillico)
Spaam vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs One Blue Dot (Cristobal Memorial Stadium, Corsa Pasi, Brazillico)
Ravenspire vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Kaze Progressa (Undelay Industries Stadium: Kalita, Brazillico)
06-01-2004, 02:37
Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz
06-01-2004, 03:27
06-01-2004, 03:30
Audioslavia Annihilate Artemsia Absentia Away
Audioslavians Attend After-eight Audition After Adventure

Fears of the 'slaves' momentum being checked against the absentians were laid to rest today after two early goals finished the match before it had even started.

Jackson got his name on the scoresheet after only a minute and a half, converting a corner with a powerful header.

The second came ten minutes later when Ward broke through the Absentia defence to set up Wayne Bury for his first goal in seven games.

The 'slaves looked like adding more, but as the game went on Absentia shut up shop, defending resoloutely and keeping a rejuvinated Bury at bay.

Despite a few good chances for King near the end, Audioslavia never really looked like breaking the Absentians down again.

Final Score

Artemsia Absentia 0
Audioslavia 2 (Jackson 2, Bury 11)

Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 4 4 0 0 10 0 10 12
Audioslavia 4 3 1 0 6 0 6 10
Oddslavo 4 3 1 0 5 1 4 10
Big Butts 4 1 2 1 1 3 -2 5
Artemisia Absentia 4 1 1 2 2 5 -3 4
Lynnwoode 4 1 0 3 2 7 -5 3
Ice Reavers 4 0 1 3 1 4 -3 1
Mattigool 4 0 0 4 2 9 -7 0

Other Group 11 Results:
Aquilla 4-0 Mattigool
Big Butts 1-0 Lynnwoode
Oddslavo 1-0 Ice Reavers

The gap between the established teams and the rest has widened after the top three all won today, and the next three all lost. Hence, Big Butts climb to fourth ahead of Artemsia Absentia. Aquilla's impressive 4-0 win over strugglers Mattigool further increased their goal difference over everyone else, indeed, the Aquillans have now scored ten goals without reply.

Audioslavia will look to take a lump out of that goal difference - as well as the two point lead the Aquillans have - in two weeks time when the two sides meet in Aquillan territory.

However, the 'slaves must first concentrate on defeating Ice Reavers at home.

"This is the crucial stage of the qualifiers" says 'slavia manager Kenny Lravitz. "We need to keep winning over our next three or four games to keep the pressure on Oddslavo and Aquilla. We play Aquilla in a couple of weeks and another match against Oddslavo a couple of weeks after that. Those two games are gonna be crucial if we want to get any sort of psycological edge over the teams. I think if we can win those two games we should be ok, as long as we dont drop points againt the... ahem... lesser teams."

Too right bitch, ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, lets all get pissed and fuck
06-01-2004, 03:54
"The Paladins might hold us to a draw over there... That is a guarantee."

Okay, this was a double post - but Nikea's prediction stays there.
06-01-2004, 03:54
"The Paladins might hold us to a draw over there... That is a guarantee."

Another glorious upset

Paladins beat Nikea 1-0 at Paladin Dome sellout

Riots on streets triggered by glorious victory

NEW MONTREAL - The Ice Paladins scored a glorious victory over the Nikea Pandas last night, with Jerome Guisard putting the ball in net early in the second half.

An uneventful first half led to silent desperation in the stadium. Nikea had controlled the pace of the game early on, and the Paladins seemed outplayed. At the start of the second half foward Isele Seguin went down with a sprained ankle, and reservist Jerome Guisard was called into action. Guisard promptly sparked a rally that culmulated in his heading a pass by Josquin Bernard into the net off of the crossbar.

As the clock ticked down towards the end of this very tight and well-played game a desperation charge by the Pandas was rebuffed by an equally deperate Paladins defense. Guisard's goal stood and the Paladins fans stormed the pitch, carrying the team off on their shoulders.

On the streets of New Montreal, New Antioch and Ville-Marie, a similar scene was occurring. Delirious and drunken fans poured out of bars and private parties to celebrate the results and the glory brought upon their team.

"As for the Pandas, let the world see that although they are a good team, they cannot match our might on our pitch. We thank our fans for their support, and have announced that we are launching a campaign to secure tickets for the follow-up in Nikea." said IPA President Julie Labrique.

The phones at IPA Head Offices were then burnt out as fans from across the nation called in an effort to secure tickets.

Lord High Paladin Frog had this to say: "YAY US!". He then passed out on the royal balcony.
Total n Utter Insanity
06-01-2004, 04:01
Match Day 4 (
Giant Zucchini
06-01-2004, 04:30

Giant Zucchini faces its latest loss in its torrid qualifying run for WC 11, this time in a 5 goal thriller against Rejistania, with the final score 3-2 to Rejistania. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We are in dire straits now. We are 5 points behind 4th place, much less a qualifying spot. We need a comeback, bad."
06-01-2004, 04:34
Aquilla screamed while Eaglet drooped; Eaglet has only one point and has yet to win a game. Aquilla is one of only four teams to have won every game, and has the highest goal difference in the Cup. "We mustn't get haughty and assume we are untouchable," said the coach. "We got an easy draw, but still have Oddslavo and Audslavo ahead of us."
06-01-2004, 04:38
Riots on streets triggered by glorious victory

On the streets of New Montreal, New Antioch and Ville-Marie, a similar scene was occurring. Delirious and drunken fans poured out of bars and private parties to celebrate the results and the glory brought upon their team.

OOC- Ahhh... Sweet memories of '93.
06-01-2004, 05:34
Live from the French-speaking nation of L’Eauz, this is Clem Gilson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. We’ve just brought you coverage of the Lemmings two-nil victory over Les Bleus, and here to discuss the action is color commentator Lana Maelstrom. Lana, we’ve just seen Melanie Melsterson’s third shutout of qualifying. She’s like a brick wall out there.

Lana: Indeed she is. But you know wot I’ve noticed, Clem?

Clem: What’s that?

Lana: There’s been about four thousand shutouts already in Worl’ Cup Eleven qualifyin’. Mel’s given up one goal in four matches, but the Group One co-leaders, Keyshona, ain’t given up even that many so far.

Clem: Four straight shutouts by Keyshona, including the scoreless draw with the Lemmings two weeks ago.

Lana: An’ a bunch of other teams ‘ave no goals surrendered, too.

Clem: Something in the water, you think?

Lana: Yep. It’s this “Worl’ Cup Water” thet Warnocks Wizards distributed to all the teams when qualifyin’ began. Makes the strikers weak an’ stringy.

Clem: Or maybe it just pumps up the goalies.

Lana: It could do both, actually.

Clem: I’ve been drinking World Cup Water myself. And I have to tell you, I think it’s just ordinary off-brand bottled water that they stuck some fancy labels on. I’d be very surprised if it’s affecting play.

Lana: Wull, it was your idea.

Clem: When I asked if you think it’s the water, I wasn’t referring to the promotional bottled water that the hosts distributed.

Lana: Well, I was.

Clem: Yeah, I know.

Lana: Okay then.

Clem: So Mel Melsterson.

Lana: Only a fool could deny the she’s doin’ great. But wot I was sayin’ was, you ‘ave to take it in context. She’s given up one goal in four matches, but a bunch of ‘keepers ‘ave given up zero goals. So one doesn’t sound like such a low number by comparison.

Clem: A couple weeks ago, you were wondering whether she’s the greatest Lemming keeper of all time. Rethinking that?

Lana: Too early to tell.

Clem: All right. Goals tonight were scored by Kickles Kiklem in the first half, and Willette Lemjones in the second. So Kickles remains the Lemmings’ leading scorer in World Cup qualification, with three, including the lone goal last week against Sliponia.

Lana: Kickles is off to a good start. The rest of the squad, not so much. Our two strikers ‘ave three goals between ‘em in four matches. I mean, it could be worse, but it ain’t great.

Clem: Only four matches have been played, so you don’t want to get too down on the team.

Lana: No, no, of course not. An’ when ‘ave we ever seen a dominatin’ performance by the Lemmings in Worl’ Cup qualification?

Clem: World Cup Eight.

Lana: Aside from that.

Clem: None, really.

Lana: Exac’ly.

Clem: So after four matches, the Lemmings are at the top of Group One on eight points, and a goal differential of six. Keyshona is right there with them on eight points and a goal differential of four. There are six ranked sides in Group One, and they’re separated by three points in the standings, so the Lemmings could find themselves way back in the pack after one poor match.

Lana: Yep. All the ranked sides are doin’ about equally well, so far. The pair of unranked newcomers are fallin’ back.

Clem: And that’ll wrap up tonight’s broadcast. From L’Eauz, this has been Lana Malestrom, Lemmy Atom, and myself, Clem Gilson, for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Good night.
Tanah Burung
06-01-2004, 05:44

Slow off the mark in their opener, the Crocodiles faced two of the top teams on match days 3 and 4, back-to-back at home. "We need some points, or we'll be in trouble," said spiritual advisor Sister Rosaria da Cruz, as she burned incense from a package labelled "essence de lemming."

First up at Tiga Burung Stadium were the Sturms from Gesamkuntswerk: a team that plays beautiful football without fail: always a joy to watch, but not always a team that wins. And there were some beautiful plays, some artful offence, some spectaculr saves: but no goals at all.

The big match loomed next: the Bedistan Lions were coming to town, for the first time since World Cup 5. Then, the Crocs were heavily-favoured, while the Lions were rookies who had just scraped into the Cup in a knock-out round. The result, a draw, shocked the hosts and heralded the arrival of a new footballing power.

Now the Lions were the elite squad, the Crocodiles underdogs. The scene was the same National Stadium, renovated for the occasion to its World Cup 5 sparkling freshness. A sharp departure from the tawdriness that had set in.

In preparation, Sister da Cruz ran a computer simulation of what it might look like to sacrifice a chicken. In five of the six simulations, the chicken died but Bedistan went on to win anyway. "We're praying for a different outcome on the pitch," she said. "And don't worry, no chickens were harmed in the making of this simulation. Although i am eating chicken tonight for dinner. You never know where your vegetables might be coming from, and no chicken ever gave me ESE."

On the pitch, the Lions came out roaring, unintimidated by a boisterous crowd and the presence of imitation World Cup banners in the rafters. (It's true that Tanah Burung has not won any World Cups, but they hung some banners anyway to symbolize the number of times they have tried.) The close-fought match could have gone either way, and if possession had decided the winner, it would have gone to Bedistan. But the Crocs defence performed to its usual high standards, shutting down the Bedistani attack, and goalkeeper Nino Konis snatched the ball out of the air more than once to save his clean sheet.

The Crocs' goal came in the 65th minute, a chip-in by Maria Miskita which marked the first international goal for this 18-year old striker from the remote mountain village of Iliomar. Miskita's pre-match ritual consists of bathing in a stream and annointing herself with a few drops of jaguar blood, believed to confer speed and strength.

"It was a classic in the old style," said coach Bi Kikere. Referring to the founding coach of Tanah Burung's football programme, she recaleld that "Matan Ruak used to always say: fall back and defend when the enemy attacks. Stifle them, and then when they falter strike like a cobra. I guess it's strike like a jaguar now."

The crucial win gives Tanah Burung 8 points, good for second spot in Group 6 behind Squornshelous, the only team with a perfect record after four games, a point up on the Sturms and two points up on Bedistan. Sister da Cruz is said to be manufacturing voodoo dolls out of mattresses in an effort to jinx the group leaders, but the Crocs are more concerned with who's chasing than with the top spot. "Number two is just as good as number one," said Bi Kikere. "Maybe better. We topped the qualifying group ahead of Lemmitania four years ago, but they're the ones who went on to win the Cup. We'll be happy to just to qualify, and then hopefully pull out all the stops once we're in the Cup."
06-01-2004, 05:59
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Matchday 4 victory!
Oglethorpia wins in the bleak country of Gmlac

By Bill Christmas

GMLAC (BT) -- Matchday four saw a matchup between the Oglethorpian Wonderteam and the national side from Gmlac -- but upon arrival in the country, the visiting Oglethorpians soon saw the whole of the nation was in a sorry state. A [near] third world country, no Wonderteam fans decided they would turn out to stay in the nation's dumpy hotels -- or even visit for a day to watch the match in the dingy national stadium. Built faster and for less money than the national stadium of Gilmeecia, the pitch itself presented a hazard to the Wonderteam players, full of potholes, patches of concrete and as described by Floyd Black, "little to no grass at all."

Ranked _* in the world, Oglethorpia seemed to be the clear cut favorite in the match -- seeing as the citizens of Gmlac in attendance of the game (all 12 of them) didn't seem to care too much for what was going on.

Already, 4 of them had left after the Oglethorpian military band on hand (more members than the entire crowd watching the match) had finished "'Tis For Thee," Oglethorpia's 41 minute long national anthem.

With only 8 spectators on hand, it was a surprise the Gmlacian national team even stayed to play the Wonderteam, who had a surprisingly tough time on the rough and tumble pitch of the Gmlacian National Stadium. The Wonderteam even being able to cope with the sorry-state of the pitch was a surprise, given the hazard that its state presented to the players.

"I've never seen a pitch with that many potholes," said team captain Fernando Green.

Right before the half, Green tripped in midfield and broke his nose, leaving his face a bloody mess -- Bruno Green filling in for the wounded team captain. At half, things were nil-nil.

The winning goal wouldn't come till late in the second half, Torrence Black's shot on goal bouncing along the shoddy and unkept pitch, a wonder that the ball even went into the goal at all. Black's 81st minute winner would decide the game for them as the match came to a close.

"It was lucky, i'll admit," said the striker about his 81st minute goal. "That pitch was in such bad condition it's a wonder they let anyone play on it. Look what happened to Francisco!"

Torrence Black apologized for misnaming team captain 'Fernando' as 'Francisco.' "We all make mistakes," he said.

Guy Picciotto's glad the match with Gmlac is done and overwith. "Next time, we'll face them on our own -- well kept pitch, instead of that train wreck of a field." Already the Census, Facts and Census Bureau has marked down the attendance of 8 fans at the Gmlac National Stadium as a world record -- of lowest attendance to any football match.

"I don't blame 'em," said McDouglas. "That was one sorry little country."


(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 1 (T. Black 81st)
Gmlac - 0


"Green's fine," says physician
Fernando Green to turn out for matchday 5

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Fernando Green is the victim of a vicious footballing attack, the culprit being one of the world's worst kept pitches anyone's ever had the misfortune of playing on. Injured in a match vs. the poor and downtrodden nation of Gmlac, Green broke his nose when he tripped on a paticularly large pothole square in the middle of the field -- one of many in the whole of the pitch, which looked as if it were bombarded by the RAF.

"I don't blame them," said Green. "In fact, I think i'll use my vast fortune i've gathered up over the years to repair it."

Said Fernando Green, "for the benefit of all rich futebol superstars across the NationStates world."

The team captain of the Wonderteam is expected to be able to make the matchday 5 match against whoever, the Wonderteam's upcoming opponent shrouded in secrecy due to the host nation's refusal to release both ranks and fixtures for the teams bidding for the World Cup in the tournament's 11th iteration. "It's all good," said the healing team captain of the Wonderteam. "Whoever it is, we should do fine against. After all, we're pretty sure we're highest seed."

It remains to be seen if Oglethorpia really is highest seed, or just being strung along as if they were but really aren't.

"Conspiracy theories are bullshit," Guy Piciotto once said. This reporter couldn't agree more.


EDIT: Edited in 2nd news story.
06-01-2004, 07:23
Bill Carter (BC): Well folks, I'm back today after having to make a court appearance yesterday of a ridiculously silly accusation against me. Jim's not here today because it's his turn to face the grand jury about his relationship with MY intern. :wink: It sounds like I didn't miss much yesterday though, so maybe it was a good day to be gone. Jim may have picked an even better day with our team facing Liverpool England today. Jennifer, is that a correct assumption?

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): Unfortunately, it is Bill. A less than enthusiastic crowd showed up today at the House of Prayer because they could sense the impending rout that our team was about to suffer through. LE thoroughly thrashed Praying2God by the score of 3-0 today. However, Praying2God appeared to put up a better fight today than it did yesterday. Let's get Head Coach Jesus Christ's thoughts on today's loss.

Jesus Christ: Even though we may have lost on the scoreboard, we scored a moral victory today. We held LE to only three goals when they have already put up more than that in other games in qualifying. Our overall effort was a lot better today too. The Rock's words yesterday were a bit strong, the mistakes we made yesterday were mistakes that a ten year old team will make frequently. Hopefully, we've made it through the tough part of our schedule and we can start winning some games against defenses that are not as formidable as the ones we've faced so far. After all, we haven't seen either of the other rookie teams in our pool yet, so we have a good chance to win a couple of games before getting back into this group of teams in the second half of qualifying. However, we need to start scoring goals if we're going to start winning some games. We need to step up the pressure on offense, and we haven't done that so far, but our team has needed some time to adjust to playing on the international stage, so hopefully they'll get rid of their stage fright soon and start putting balls in the back of the net.

JJ: He sure had a lot to say today. That's all from here. Tomorrow we'll be coming to you from the nation of Pablicosta. Back to you, Bill.

BC: Thanks Jennifer. I'm hearing rumors that some of the biggest soccer fans in the nation are raising funds for the first Praying2God player that scores a goal in the tournament. Hopefully they'll be able to hand out the money soon. That's all from here. I'm going to look at some things with my intern, and then head for home. :wink: So honey, if you're watching, I might be a bit late getting home tonight. Take care everyone and good night.
06-01-2004, 07:39
Matchday 3: No Suprise

Matchday 3 didn't produce any suprises, with Spaam losing to Kaze Progessa
in front of a dissapointed Eluch'l crowd. The only goal of the game was
scored by Kaze Progessan number 18, Sallie Stivers, after 10 minutes of
pressure within 30 metres of the goal. Spaam is yet to win a game, and has
only scored 1 goal in 3 games, easily its worst result ever. In the meantime,
there have been a rush of bets placed on Spaam getting the Wooden Spoon,
for the first time ever in qualifying.
06-01-2004, 07:46
A Second Nonevent
Ravens in Scoreless Draw with Unranked Side... Again

The Ravens' latest World Cup bid appeared to hit a bump today as the Ravens played a lineup consisting entirely of substitutes against newcomers Exetonia. The result was the second scoreless draw in two days for the national team.

Coach Zhen Sui-Ling, a former star striker for the Ravens, defended her decision to play the substitutes. "They need the experience, and they may as well get it early in, in a game that's not essential to our chances." She pointed out that, "The offense may be lacking a little, but the defense was pretty solid. The Exetonians didn't get anywhere near the goal, except for that wild shot in the second half, and that was over the bar by a good six meters. The subs did a pretty good job, and it let us see what I need to have them work on. As for the goals, we should be seeing more of them soon."

Football fans across the nation hope that her words prove correct.
06-01-2004, 13:46
Jeruselem Goverment News

Crusaders lose to hotshots Sliponia

The Jeruselem Crusader soccer team suffered another 1-0 loss, this time to hotshots Sliponia. The defense tried to cope with the attacking style of the Sliponia team while attempting to score their second goal of the World Cup.

In the 85th minute, a bungle by young defender Joe Smith gifted the Sliponian forwards possession and they scored against a hapless keeper. Captain David Becks spoke to reporters "We are playing well, but simply not getting the results we really deserve. We have only conceded five goals and still manage to lose all games. There are ten games to go, it is ridiculous to lose all 1-0."


Something is rigged :cry:
06-01-2004, 14:18

What a thriller!
The long-anticipated match against Giant Zucchini was the most exciting match ever to happen in the Sen-La-Sa~o Promotion Stadium, perhps even one of the most exciting matches, which ever happened in KaMaRi kali.

The Rejistanians are somehow used to play against sentient vegetables, since they played 1.5 matches against the Evisceratomatoes (one match was only 44 minute long, so it can't be counted fully), but this time, they were not afraid of any splattering of the Zucchinis. Defender Ji Jen could not play, since he was injured in a match of his team Hanin Sekhika against Riandu Junis. Sijij Kansu took his place in the defense. The match started fast and balanced. Fast Zucchini attacks challenged the rejistanian defense and unexpected counters challenged the Zucchinis. One of this fast counters led to the first goal of this match. Su'he archieved the lead for the Orange-Blues in the 20th minute. The rejistanian fans cheered. In the 31st minute, it was Hexen'he who could not reach a fast ball. Urk'he archieved the equalizer after countless chances for both teams. (we don't know if ''Urk'' is his first or second name, since the roster is a bit incomplete in this point. We hope, he doesn't feel insulted by the polite form ''Urk'he''). In the 43rd minute, he archieved the lead for the Giant Zucchinis.

In the second half, the Orange-Blues played even more offensive than in the first one. They wanted to equalize at nearly all costs ('nearly' because the match remained remarkable fair). But the Giant Zucchinis wanted to increase their lead. In the 56th minute, it was Linkosa'he who archieved the equalizer after a corner, which was shot by Lyku Jaras.
After countless efforts from both sides, the result remained 2-2 until the 88th minute, when SyLy archieved the deciding 3-2 and secured the lead for the Orange-Blues.

The result:
Rejistania: 3 (Su 20th, Linkosa 56th, Lyku 88th)
Giant Zucchini: 2 (Urk 31st, 43rd)

OOC: Jeruselem, nothing is rigged, such streaks happen
Total n Utter Insanity
06-01-2004, 14:34
the Wonderteam's upcoming opponent shrouded in secrecy due to the host nation's refusal to release both ranks and fixtures for the teams bidding for the World Cup in the tournament's 11th iteration.

Fixtures, check the first post. Rankings may also be appearing in the first post some time in the future.


Urk is so famous he only needs one name like Melkor or Siri.
Giant Zucchini
06-01-2004, 15:07

Urk is so famous he only needs one name like Melkor or Siri.

Well, something like that. Giant Zucchinis only have one word in their name, and only some have 2. Something like the Brazillians (but not quite).
NEWI Cefn Druids
06-01-2004, 16:42

Trevor Askew reports from Creedence Clearwater on Creedence Clearwater 1 NEWI Cefn Druids 1

NEWI Cefn Druids put in their worst performance of the tournament last night, but still managed to scramble a draw in controversial circumstances.

The defence looked as shaky as ever, but the midfield also struggled to string two passes together, while the forward line rarely touched the ball.

Meanwhile, Creedence Clearwater were the same as the Druids were in their previous match. Chance after chance went begging in the first half, with attempts from Suzie Q and Tom Grapevine going very close, while Brad Bayou missed three glorious opportunities from close range, though credit to Trevor Allinson for a string of extravagant saves.

It took until four minutes after the break for the home side to strike. A long free kick from inside the Creedence Clearwater half from Lodi was headed out of the penalty area by Eric Lanton, but Cotton Fields was on hand to smash home an extravagant volley from thirty yards. It was one of the best goals of qualifying so far, and the home crowd went mental.

Further attacks were somehow fruitless for Creedence Clearwater, who continued to dominate.

Then, with just six minutes remaining, an “incident” between Tombstone Shadow and Björn-Trevor Frederiksson distracted the home defence, and James Lee took advantage by playing on and slotting the ball past the exposed Madeye Mooney.

For Creedence Clearwater Coach Tom Fogerty, it all seemed too much to take. “The referee should have stopped the game straight away,” he fumed after the game.

Meanwhile, Trevor Stevens was relieved with the point. “Our revival in the match was fortunate, but it’s the first slice of luck we’ve had. All we need now is to mix this luck with the improving performances we had been putting in until today, and we might have some successes.”

Final score:
Creedence Clearwater 1 ( Fields 49 )
NEWI Cefn Druids 1 ( Lee 84 )


Creedence Clearwater ( 4-3-3 ): Mooney; L. Mary, Lodi, Tamble, P. Mary; Shadow, Fields, Bootleg; Bayou, Q, Grapevine.

NEWI Cefn Druids ( 4-4-2 ): Allinson; Kallins, Rhyds, Lanton, Pearson; Simpson, Lee, Welsh, James; Greaves, Frederiksson.
Cockbill Street
06-01-2004, 16:47
Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Struggle To Defeat Beestings
Late Goal Saves Blushes And Three Points

Against WC newcomers Beestings, hopes were high for another Cockbill Street win, as the Streeters had just bounced back from two losses to an emphatic 3-0 win over Praying2God. Beestings, on the other hand, were placed at the very bottom of the group, with no victories.

Yet, the Beestingers started out well. Going out in an all out attacking formation, they tried to fight Cockbill Street out of formation, and did manage for much of the first half. Our lads looked like inexperienced wimps, who had little to do in a world cup final. The best chance came after 35 minutes, when a breakthrough on the left side saw Thomas Lehrer cross the ball into the box, but it sailed over Bjorn Axewielder at the far post and out of danger.

In the second half, however, chances were easier to come by. In the 16th minute of the half, Bjorn Axewielder stormed down the right side and dashed into the box - but his shot hit the post. Luckily, the keeper was dazzled, leaving Tungsten-carbide to pick up the rebound and hammer it home. Cockbill Street had many fine attacks after that, but just failed to get the edge, and the match petered out in a 1-0 win.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Chalky 5 (Eversham 81), Dolomite 5, Harmison 5 - Calcite 6, Petisha 7, Lehrer 4, B Axewielder 7 (Olsen 55 5) - Tungsten-carbide 7, Pollock 6, Quier 5.

Cockbill Street 1 (Lehrer 64)
Beestings 0
Commerce Heights
06-01-2004, 17:40
Commerce Heights Relives WC8 Memories, Defeats Kingsford
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs ended their 3-day stay in Commerce Heights with a match against their toughest opponent of the qualifiers - Kingsford. The squad last played Kingsford in WC8, though only 3 members of the current squad played in those games (Quigley, Cahalane, Vojtilo). The last time they met in Commerce Heights the game was played to a 1-1 draw, but the Bulldogs would not allow that to happen again. Ocean Zaidi opened the score in the 19th minute with the first goal of his career, just barely missed by the Kingsford goalkeeper. The Kingsford attack began quickly, and the 24th minute saw the equalizer while Vojtilo wasn't looking. The game nearly ended with the same 1-1 scoreline when McCormick, normally a forward but now playing at midfield after Cahalane took his place, knocked the ball right past Kingsford's defense.
(19) Commerce Heights 2 (Zaidi 19, McCormick 89)
(09) Kingsford 1 - FT
With the win, Commerce Heights controls Group 9 on points:
[code:1:71042a26b4]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (19) 4 3 1 0 8 1 +7 10
Halfassedstates (13) 4 2 2 0 4 0 +4 8
Kingsford (9) 4 2 1 1 5 4 +1 7
Defari (55) 4 2 0 2 9 3 +6 6
Western pie makers 4 2 0 2 2 4 -2 6
Monkwearmouth 4 1 1 2 6 9 -4 4
Oilermania (104) 4 1 0 3 4 8 -4 3
EL CID THE HERO (100) 4 0 1 3 0 9 -9 1[/code:1:71042a26b4]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #13 Halfassedstates – T 0-0
Day 2: vs Western pie makers – W 2-0
Day 3: vs #100 EL CID THE HERO – W 4-0
Day 4: vs #9 Kingsford – W 2-1
Day 5: at #104 Oilermania
Day 6: vs Monkwearmouth
Day 7: at #55 Defari
Day 8: vs #13 Halfassedstates
Day 9: at Western pie makers
Day 10: at #100 EL CID THE HERO
Day 11: at #9 Kingsford
Day 12: vs #104 Oilermania
Day 13: at Monkwearmouth
Day 14: vs #55 Defari
Statistics - Team
[code:1:71042a26b4] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 63 10 13 17 19 4
Wins 34 3 6 10 12 3
Draws 11 3 4 1 2 1
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 71.6 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 68.0
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 9
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +28 -3 +5 +6 +13 +7
Rank 100 54 23 23 19[/code:1:71042a26b4]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:71042a26b4]Team Scoring Leaders – WC11
Player G GF GPG
J. Cahalane 4 4 1.00
B. Quigley 4 1 0.25
C. Deppiesse 4 1 0.25
O. Zaidi 4 1 0.25
M. McCormick 4 1 0.25

Goaltending Leaders – WC11
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 4 1 0.25[/code:1:71042a26b4]
Commerce Heights Chronicle Top 32 - Matchday 4
[code:1:71042a26b4]01 Rejistania 2.14
02 Aquilla 3.28
03 Kerla 3.42
04 Squornshelous 3.58
05 One Red Dot 3.82
06 Oglethorpia 3.85
07 New Montreal States 3.91
08 Liverpool England 3.93
09 The Belmore Family 3.98
10 Audioslavia 4.09
Dennisov 4.09
12 Commerce Heights 4.14
13 The Lowland Clans 4.17
14 Tranquillitis 4.25
15 Kravoli 4.29
16 Antaeus Rising 4.31
17 Ravenspire 4.34
18 Anti-Nazis 4.37
19 NASTIC 2 4.40
20 East Spaam 4.42
21 Oddslavo 4.53
22 Lemmitania 5.00
23 Kaze Progressa 5.09
24 Lanky dude 5.22
25 Runaway Moose 5.35
26 Keyshona 5.38
27 Tanah Burung 5.39
28 Halfassedstates 5.42
29 Morawny 5.44
30 Brazillico 6.05
31 Dark Outcasts 6.16
32 Europa Brittania 6.21[/code:1:71042a26b4]
Kaze Progressa
06-01-2004, 18:23
From the Daily Kangaroo:


Debutant Sallie Stivers earned the Progressans a fabulous 1-0 victory in Spaam's Hormel Stadium, Eluch'l, their first victory in three matches between the sides.

Stivers, bought into the national side from newly-promoted Daurama City, scored three minutes from the half-time whistle after a period of intense pressure in which nobody else could buy a goal; Weseydal hit the bar, Waulino the post, Maurto forced a stunning save from the goalkeeper and the rebound fell to Muqlin, whose shot hit the nose of a defender and bounced off the top of the bar. Finally Stivers, who replaced Failez when he picked up an injury colliding with an adboard, thumped the ball through a penalty area crowded with bodies to score from 25 yards.

The second half ultimately proved comfortable, the Progressans sitting on their lead and absorbing the relatively little attacking pressure from Spaam. The 1-0 win leaves the Progressans in good shape to qualify at this early stage, having defeated one of the teams expected to challenge them.

KP: Garjeno; Hytaffi, Maurto, Mawukal; Inhea; Vaiwalo-Mua, Muqlin, Ramatta, Failez (Stivers 21); Waulino (Cotaga 66), Weseydal.
06-01-2004, 19:10
Mattigool Sports

The once proud Gools now a shame, Mr. Rismo?

(Goolsund) On matchday 4 the downfall of the Gools has become obvious. Again Gamsten, Hulk Laursen and even Johannsen did not play. The result: 0:4 at Aquilla. No more comments on this poor team.
The Belmore Family
06-01-2004, 19:41
Mattigool Sports

The once proud Gools now a shame, Mr. Rismo?

(Goolsund) On matchday 4 the downfall of the Gools has become obvious. Again Gamsten, Hulk Laursen and even Johannsen did not play. The result: 0:4 at Aquilla. No more comments on this poor team.

TBF to fund Mattigool footballing team

The Belmore Family Minister for sport (John Belmore) last night revealed that the Belmorian Government will put A1,000,000,000 of their budget towards the up and coming newbies. The gift for this is expected to be a Thank You for drawing with Liverpool England in the final day of the 4-nations. TBF is expected also to set up football acadamies in the countries aswell as sending Alex Dunner and Larry Wellden to coach the team.

OOC: Aren't I kind.
06-01-2004, 19:54
Terry Singh : “We’re live from East Spaam, where you’ve just witnessed a disappointing, goalless match. Despite a number of experienced players, Ariddia just couldn’t get this game off the ground. Kimmy?”

Kim Kim: “Defence was good, on both sides. And a solid performance by young new player Alex Newville for Ariddia. Wahd was in great shape and living up to his role as captain. But. . . it just lacked a spark. Something to make it work.”

Singh: “Two opportunities for goals on both side, neither of them successful. Mayantar saved a superb, close-quarters shot in the nineteenth minute, and a free kick in the seventieth. For Ariddia, Tomson just missed in the thirty-ninth, and a well aimed one by Reath was saved. All this puts us. . . low on the rank charts.”

Kim: “Yes, the team that ended third four years ago is ranked only fifth of group 8! Let’s hope they’re just building up the suspense. . . We’ll keep you updated.”

OOC: Yes, Singh is still with us and commenting matches! He must be well into his sixties or even seventies by now. . .
06-01-2004, 19:56
Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network Sports [channel]

A short minute-long commercial begins running on the station with well-known (and infamous) Oglethorpian commentator Mike White.

MIKE WHITE: Hey folks. Some of you are using the primitive technology of phpBB.

Long have Oglethorpian IT business men and analysts languished over it's shortcomings -- notably phantom pages, of which we all loathe and hate.

However, it's a problem that you -- me -- and this small rodent-

[A picture of a small rodent is shown.]

Can all work towards fixing.

How, you ask? How can we fix this problem?

We'll i'll tell you.


It seriously messes things up for the rest of us.

Thank you. Now we will return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

But not before showing you the picture of that lovable rodent again.

[The picture of the small rodent is shown again.]

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Snub Nose 38
06-01-2004, 20:33
Scuttlebutt – Afternoon Edition

Ink Delivery Ends News Blackout! Hooligans Need Help!
East-Germany Remington Grey

The Snub Nose 38 national side, the Hooligans, have been quite disappointing in World Cup 11 Qualifying matches until today. While they did win their first match against Ravea 1 to 0 at home in 38 Special Stadium, they were expected to win that match by a larger margin. The Hooligans then proceeded to lose their second match to Kravoli, newcomers to the international football scene, 1 to 0 – and followed that “stellar” performance up with a 1-1 draw with Belmorian Scandinavia. Three matches gone by, and the Hooligans disappointing performances garnering only 4 points.

Today they showed us a little of what is apparently their former playing ability – although again against an unknown and untried quantity in East-Germany. The Hooligans managed a goal in each half, while preventing a very determined East-German side from scoring. Todays two goals bring the Hooligans total goals scored to a pathetic 5 in four matches. It did bring their total points up to an almost reasonable 7 – while leaving them in fourth place in Group 3.

These guys are going to need some help to have any hopes of qualifying for World Cup 11 proper. There are three matches remaining, and three sides to qualify, and three sides each having a three point lead on the Hooligans with 10 points each. Not only do the Hooligans need a couple of wins, they need a least one of the current leaders to have a bad run of a few games. It would take a win and a draw by the Hooligans to beat out any of Tranquillitis, Kravoli or Dennisov for a qualifying slot, and that only if the other side didn’t gain another point.

Manager Ben Dover, when asked about the sides performance to date, refused comment other than to say something about a “contract” on this reporter. Assistant Manager Eileen Dover also refused comment, and chased me with a very big stick for three blocks. If anyone can enlighten this reporter with regard to Ben Dover’s vague comment, please do so.

So, here are the standings after four matches, and here are the remaining matches on the Hooligans schedule as well as for the rest of Group 3.

Tickets remain available for all the remaining Hooligans matches through Snubitron, or simply call the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 Ministry of Athleticss, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages and ask for Beverly.


[code:1:8597e7b125]Group 3
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
7 Tranquillitis 4 3 1 0 9 2 7 10
4 Kravoli 4 3 1 0 8 3 5 10
6 Dennisov 4 3 1 0 5 0 5 10
1 Snub Nose 38 4 2 1 1 4 2 2 7
3 Belmorian Scandinavia 4 1 1 2 5 5 0 4
5 KOR3A 4 0 2 2 3 5 -2 2
8 East-Germany 4 0 1 3 1 10 -9 1
2 Ravea 4 0 0 4 2 10 -8 0[/code:1:8597e7b125]

Snub Nose 38 vs Tranquillitis
Ravea vs East-Germany
Belmorian Scandinavia vs KOR3A
Kravoli vs Dennisov

KOR3A vs Snub Nose 38
Dennisov vs Ravea
Tranquillitis vs Belmorian Scandinavia
East-Germany vs Kravoli

Snub Nose 38 vs Dennisov
Ravea vs KOR3A
Belmorian Scandinavia vs East-Germany
Kravoli vs Tranquillitis

Jailhouse Rocks
Sten Mike Easter, ASPN wire

The Sheriff of Remington County announced today that the Hooligan Cheerleaders would be released from custody.

The Hooligans Cheerleaders were originally arrested as they tried to enter 38 Special Stadium to “cheer” at half time of the Hooligans first qualifying match on charges of loitering, public indecency, pandering, lascivious behavior, possession of a goat without a license, malicious mischief, libel, slander, taking poetic license without submitting an application or paying the required fee, and errorism.

The trial the very next day, at which all 22 Hooligan Cheerleaders were co-defendants, lasted 15 seconds. All 22 Cheerleaders were found guilty of all charges.

They were appealing – no, that’s not right, they’ve never been appealing. They appealed the verdict, and apparently submitted the correct forms and the appropriate bribe, as the Court of Appeals reversed the convictions.

The Sheriff of Remington County stated his intent to arrest them again as soon as they so much as sneeze in the quite zone around Saint Swithins Hospital.

OOC: Group 3 for worst RPers of WC11 – so far (before this), only 3 announcements (1 each by Dennisov, KOR3A, and SN38) and 1 RP (Dennisov) :roll:
07-01-2004, 00:03
07-01-2004, 00:03
The Midway Journal

We've Seen Better Road Trips...
Lions in mid-table obscurity

NATIONAL STADIUM, TANAH BURUNG -- Although the Bedistan Lions had handily won their first two matches of WC11 qualifying -- the first in Bedistan against Athamasha, the second away to NEWI Cefn Druids -- their continued trek away from home did not run quite so smoothly. First, the Lions traveled to Squornshelous, where Erik Oldenburg let in an embarrassing first-half goal that his teammates could not recover from to endure a 1-0 loss. The team then tried again, this time in the storied land of Tanah Burung.

The Bedistan Lions, as a team, had been to Tanah Burung before, albeit nearly a quarter of a century ago. None of the current players had been on the World Cup 5 squad, but manager Gene Barber and offensive coach Johnny Lewis had some idea of what they faced. As they walked into the packed National Stadium, apparently recently restored to its WC5 glory for the occasion, the team was awed by the beauty of it all.

The first half came fast and furious, with the Lions making thirteen attempts on goal and the Crocodiles seven. However, none of the Bedistani shots made it into the net, and Oldenburg successfully kept out the Burungian attacks. At halftime, the score remained 0-0.

Barber made no substitutions at halftime, knowing that this would be a crucial match. The second half started out well, as the Crocodiles gained most of the possession and the Lion defense held them back, but at last Oldenburg would crack in the 65th minute, allowing a goal from 18-year-old Maria Miskita. Tanah Burung sat back on defense for the rest of the match, allowing the Lions to have possession of the ball. Indeed, the Lions held the ball for 64% of the match, but they were unable to retaliate against Miskita's attack, and the match ended with a disappointing loss for the Lions.

"Our team didn't have the heart today," remarked Barber after the match. "When we came here 22 years ago, we knew we were the underdogs, we knew we were still an upstart team. But we wanted to show the world what we could do, and holding the World Cup hosts to a draw helped us prove ourselves to a skeptical community. After our performances in World Cups 7, 8, and 9, though, we've become complacent and haughty. That's how we lost to Antaeus Rising two years ago and it's how we lost to Tanah Burung today. We must get back into gear and stop sitting on our haunches."

The loss causes the team to fall back one more position in Group 6, with the team now sitting in fourth place, behind Squornshelous, Tanah Burung, and Gesamtkuntswerk.

[code:1:26202c1755]Final score:
Tanah Burung 1 (Miskita 65)
Bedistan 0[/code:1:26202c1755]
07-01-2004, 00:08
Double post...not bad, considering I hit Submit five or ten times...
07-01-2004, 00:46
Whee! Double post alert! Oh well; at least it went through, for a change
07-01-2004, 00:46
From Jamie C. Peters’ column in the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Curse Broken!
But SuperIans still lose, 0-1 to the Lowland Clans

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- In a match attended by only eighteen thousand one hundred and fifty fans, or about two thirds of Westergate Football Grounds’ total capacity, anxious Iansislean fans saw the end of what many had been terming ‘the Double-Zero curse.’

However, instead of drawing score-lessly with the Lowland Clans, Iansisle lost by a single goal.

“Well, at least we got to see some action,” shrugged spectator L. P. Farnsworth, who describes himself as an “avid SuperIans fan, ever since they played back in the Pan-Tilsitia Cup.” When it was pointed out that the team was known as the ‘Ians’ back in those days, not the ‘SuperIans,’ Mr. Farnsworth cast his eyes about nervously and insisted ineffectively that he knew that. “The point is, there was a goal scored. Even if it wasn’t by us.”

Iansisle drew its last two games, with Praying2God and Anti-Nazis, with no action whatsoever, leading some hasty and superstitious wireless reporters to theorize about the D-Z curse. Most professional newsmen instantly disregarded the claim as mere hype for an untested and juvenile media.

However, the facts remain: since Iansisle beat Cockbill Street 2-0, on goals that were best described as ‘lucky’ or ‘improbable,’ the SuperIans’ offense has failed to net a single score. This was partially offset by the spectacular defense of Conrad Brandt and goal keeping of Benny Answorth, but even such men are mere mortals.

Coach Westmore had nothing to say about Iansisle’s three game goal-less streak except to insist that “We’re a good team in a bad stretch. We’ll pull out of this, without a doubt!”

Westmore’s optimism was hardly matched by his team. Although interviews with the downtrodden players were hard to come by, striker Alexander Truman admitted that he felt as if he were “letting down the entire nation. Iansisle deserves a better team than this, and I’ll be gosh-darned if I can’t give it to them!”

Iansisle travels on the road next to Beestings, a team that’s been having its own struggles. With luck, the SuperIans can snap their streak and give home fans something to cheer about. Else, the ‘Curse’ may have to be renamed that of the Single Zero.
07-01-2004, 03:03
This is to inform you that Matchday 5 Results ( have now been posted.

Ufhur the Hated
Minster for Sport
Enlightened Empire of Warnocks Wizards
07-01-2004, 03:35
OOC: And as I finally manage to load the forums page for my day 4 RP...I find that WW has posted day 5. Do I get to make up day 4?

Day 4:

Zeronia falls to Paladins early

Beria puts in 2 early on for Paladins

Last night's Game against newcomer Zeronia went poorly for them. The Paladins attacked early and hard, relying on star junior foward Vlachislav Beria to perform in his international debut.

He came through beautifully, one-timing a pass from Emilien Labonte into the net at 7:12 into the game. At 16:51 he managed to knock over a defender who had taken the ball from teammate Julien Beaufort and put it past the goaltender, lighting-quick.

The Paladins then shifted gears, going from a 3-6-1 formation to a 4-5-1 in short order. The loss of a complimenting foward kept Beria from doing anything more than scaring the Zeronians, but the damage had been done. The game then became a defensive struggle, with defensive coach Emil Lagace showing his brilliance at his post. The creative formations used by his players kept the Zeronian side off balance, and despite several serious drives they were unable to convert their chances.

And now, fresh from the presses, day 5's report:

Paladins grateful for win

Crucial game against 3rd-place opponent results in important victory

The Paladins continued jockeying for position in Group 8 action yesterday, beating upstarts Tony Mag 2-0. Tony Mag had managed to beat Nikea, thus cementing their place as the Cinderella story of the group.

However, they fell to the Paladins last night, giving the team a total of 3 points and a nation a giant sigh of relief.

"Frankly, I wondered how well our high schoolers would stand up in this game," said the co-op's coach Justin Belchworthy. "Tony Mag was certainly putting the pedal to the metal earlier, and they put on a worthy show last night."

Indeed, the game would have been a scoreless draw - until a pair of mistakes by Tony Mag lost them the game.

Midway through the second half, senior midfielder Alexandre Lebleu was heading upfield and was tackled by a Tony Mag player, at which point a yellow card was throw upon the field. Lebleu managed to put it in, putting the score at 1-0 for the Paladins and breaking open what had been a very tight struggle between the teams.

The Tony Mag coach then opted to switch out the player in question. His sub immediately made a crucial turnover deep in Tony Mag territory that gave the ball to senior foward Christopher Stone. Stone put it in the upper left corner of the net, and put the game away 2-0 for the Paladins.

Coming soon - our latest piece of investigative work, from the newspaper that brought you the award winning series on the "war on errorism" - "Kerla - How a 7th place team turned itself into a behemoth".
07-01-2004, 03:35
Paladins do not make double post

"No sir," said the Lord High Paladin Frog. "Not us. Not here, or anywhere else. Anyone who thinks this is a double post will be subject to arrest and prosecution."
07-01-2004, 03:41
(tag for post later tonight, when and if the forums clear up)
07-01-2004, 03:42
(tag for post later tonight, when and if the forums clear up)
07-01-2004, 03:43
(tag for post later tonight, when and if the forums clear up)
07-01-2004, 03:48
The Brazillico Advance

Brazillico Steals Two Points on the Road
Goal in the dying seconds pushed Brazillico past One Blue Dot

(???, ONE BLUE DOT)After losing a heartbreaker at home to Spaam, Brazillico battled back in resilient fashion with a 3-2 road win at One Blue Dot.

OBD wasted no time in opening up the scoring, after their striker was set free in the 6th minute and neatly tucked one past Salazar, making the score 1-0. Brazillico found an answer in the 20th Minute, where prolific striker Pepe found the loose ball in the box and thumped it past the OBD keeper, making it all square at 1.

Shadows of the previous Spaam game echoed in the Brazillican team’s minds, as OBD managed to score with only seconds remaining in the half, giving them a 2-1 advantage and a crucial edge in momentum and confidence.

However, the Brazillican team would not be denied.

After considerable pressure placed was placed upon the OBD back line and keeper, an OBD defender hauled down Brazillican substitute Trevors in the box, yielding a penalty in the 72nd Minute. Junior Socrates took the kick from the spot and made no mistake, launching the ball into the top left portion of the net.

Just as it seemed that OBD was settling down and this match would result in a draw, Filipo launched a long ball into the box. The unmarked Trevors flew into the box, beat the keeper with the jumpball and headed it into the net, making it 3-2, which stood as the final score.

“It was a huge win,” said manager De Jesus, “Every team who aspires to make the cup needs one or two of those types of matches where you can steal two points away in the dying minutes.”

When asked about his team’s success, De Jesus remains pessimistic. “We are playing Ravenspire and Kaze Progressa back to back,” stated De Jesus, “Right now they’re ahead of us in the standings, and if we wish to keep our hopes of qualifying to enter the cup alive, we need to beat at least one of those teams. They are definitely the teams to beat at this stage.”

De Jesus was very content with the play of his 18 year-old striker Trevors and has confirmed that he will get a starting spot in the Ravenspire game at the expense of Jiminez. No other roster changes confirmed to date.

One Blue Dot 2
<player 8> 6
<player 10> 45

Brazillico 3
Pepe 20
Junior Socrates 72
Trevors 90

Man of the Match: Trevors
Huge Pep Rally Confirmed in Cordova

To celebrate the recent accomplishments of the Chili Bats, as well as to encourage the team to continue on this wave of success, officials have announced that a pep rally will be held in downtown Cordova.

"Food and fun" are promised at this event, which is expected to draw somewhere around 75,000 people. In light of the recent success from the side hailing from Tanah Burung, thousands of "Essence de Lemming" insence sticks will be burned on the beach and throughout the surrounding streets to try to give the Brazillican side that "extra boost" to lift them past Ravenspire.

This event will be attended by the entire Brazillican international side and will take place on Cordova Beach, 7:00 PM the night before the Ravenspire-Brazillico match.

Brazillico vs Dead Man (Libertad Stadium: Libertad, Brazillico) W 3-0
Exetonia vs Brazillico T 0-0
Belarussian States vs Brazillico W 1-0
Brazillico vs Spaam (Callinho Bridge: Los Vallejo, Brazillico) L 0-1
One Blue Dot vs Brazillico W 3-2
Brazillico vs Ravenspire (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Kaze Progressa vs Brazillico
Dead Man vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Exetonia (Cordova Park: Cordova, Brazillico)
Brazillico vs Belarussian States (Dundee Lane: Tartan, Brazillico)
Spaam vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs One Blue Dot (Cristobal Memorial Stadium, Corsa Pasi, Brazillico)
Ravenspire vs Brazillico
Brazillico vs Kaze Progressa (Undelay Industries Stadium: Kalita, Brazillico)
07-01-2004, 04:08
Aquilla remains lossless

With a 2-0 win over Lynnwoode, we became the only nation besides Rejistania to have won every game. Eaglet continued to languish.
07-01-2004, 04:09
Aquilla remains lossless

With a 2-0 win over Lynnwoode, we became the only nation besides Rejistania to have won every game. Eaglet continued to languish.
07-01-2004, 04:24
OOC: And as I finally manage to load the forums page for my day 4 RP...I find that WW has posted day 5. Do I get to make up day 4?

OOC: Feel free to post RPs as and when you are able. Don't worry about what matchday it is. RPs are always welcome.
07-01-2004, 05:39
(OOC: I will post something eventually, but school and the forums have conspired to keep me away. More than likely something will come tomorrow).
Giant Zucchini
07-01-2004, 06:40

The Zucchinis finally recorded their second win in 5 matches so far. Shonar Bangla was not much of a fight against the Zucchinis, despite Mr Hurr putting out a pretty much reserve side. Plaat had a good game in goal, while Wonkerman's Zurk headed home from a Zucchini corner to ensure a win. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "This is a much welcome win, but it is not enough. We are still off the pace by quite a bit, and we need to get into a winning rhythm. Hopefully this is the start."
07-01-2004, 09:13
You are (again) listening to Radio RejisCAST, the only english Radio station in entire Rejistania:

*live from the leagues-jingle is heard*
Hejida, listeners! For all of those, who can't be live in Morawny or at least live in front of the TV, here is the live coverage of the match against Morawny. Hello Sirake, how is your impression?
*Her voice is much better*
Hejida Idine, the match has just started. The Orange-Blues are currently the better team, since no Morawn has touched the ball till now, but that doesn't has to mean anything. Linkosa'he is currently in posession of the ball, passes to Lyku'he, back to Linkosa'he, ohh, the morawn defense didn't look good here. Again a cross to Lyku'he, he is in good position in front of the morawn goal, shoots
*another voice is heard*
We interrupt this for an important message: On the A4, between Matix-Kusuna and Matix-Isi a driver uses the motorway in the wrong direction. Please drive right and don't overtake. I repeat: On the A4, between Matix-Kusuna and Matix-Isi a driver uses the motorway in the wrong direction.
*Back to the live cast*
Rejistania leads 1-0, thanks to a goal of SyLy.
(*we go to the 90th minute, during this time, the live coverage was interrupted 13 times: By trafic news (8 times), news (twice), technical difficulties (once, but when the second goal was scored) and advertising (twice)*)
Rejistania leads well-earned 2-0. The referee just blew the whistle. The matche ended. From KaMaRi back to the studio!
Thanks Sirake, but I thought, the match was in Morawny.
It was, but we couldn't get a good-quality from the stadium there and so I did the cast from a studio next to you. I used the images of the TV-R (OOC: rejistanian TV station) for the report.
07-01-2004, 09:34
Ravens Rout Opposition

Following two scoreless matches, the black and crimson pulled out of their slump in style today, overwhelming group bottom side Belarussian States with a 5-0 victory -- a rout that was particularly welcome among fans, with a match against Brazillico, former World Cup champions, on the horizon.

A slow opening appeared to give little indication of the match to come, but matters changed following Hikari Kitsu's first goal, 18 minutes into the match. The Ravens' strikers shifted to a more offensive game, scoring a second goal at 30 minutes on a Black-Kitsuki play.

The second half was completely dominated by the Ravens, who retained possession for nearly 75% of the remaining play time. Former substitute Crystal Delamber scored early in the half, bringing the score to 3-0. Kitsuki and Kitsu each claimed a second goal later as the demoralized defenders began making more errors.

The victory has the team's spirit high, according to coach Zhen Sui-Ling. "We're looking forward to our next match in Brazillico," she said, refusing to speculate on the match. "We hope some of our dedicated fans will be there to cheer us on."
The Belmore Family
07-01-2004, 12:48
TBF remain unbeaten, looking good to qualify

The Belmore Family got a great win over former group leaders Kerla. The game was one way traffic all the way with TBF throwing away several good chances of scoring.

During the first half TBF hit the post thrice, knocked the crossbar twice, had 7 shots saved and had 2 good penlty shouts. But still they did not score. As the teams walked off at the half time break both teams booed their sides. Kerla for playing awfully and TBF for not being able to capitilise on this.

But the Belmorian fans were not to be disappointed, straight back from the break, Belmore played it to Price whose amazing solo run past 3 defenders was rewarded when he placed the ball neatly into the corner of the net. Then TBF new they had won, this team was playing dreadfully today, so they just sat back and let the game continue at their pace. Taking the same score to the end. An amazingly boring match.

When asked at the end of the game what Manager Alan Belmore thought of the team he replied "They played rubbish, the forwards just haven't got me and Larry had, they need to train much more if we are to do well in the cup."

Despite that TBF are top of their group, still unbeaten not having let in a goal, so the defence is doing something right. Hopefully this unbeaten run will continue and TBF can break their own record of 13 matches unbeaten!

Price (47)

07-01-2004, 13:55
Finally a Strong Win

Les Bleus were visiting the nation of Avenging Altos, and came out fighting, and looking like the team they were last year. Les Bleus scored twice in the first half, putting the Altos out of the game early. The Defence was once again very strong, as Les Bleus finished with a 3-0 victory. The Coach was quoted as saying "Finally, we got a damn REAL Win."

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz

[code:1:2c4d84a6c4]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Keyshona 5 3 2 0 5 0 5 11
Lemmitania 5 2 3 0 8 2 6 9
Sliponia 5 2 2 1 7 5 2 8
Eauz 5 2 2 1 5 3 2 8
Busby 5 1 4 0 5 4 1 7
The Weegies 5 1 4 0 5 4 1 7
Avenging Altos 5 0 1 4 2 14 -12 1
Jeruselem 5 0 0 5 1 6 -5 0
07-01-2004, 14:41
Well That Was Unexpected

After Spaam's shocking win against Brazillico, the team did it again with a
2-nil defeat of Dead Man last night in Allasea. Enigmatic striker, Nala
Eromleb scored both the goals within 10 minutes of each other, in the 58th
and 68th minutes of the match. Spaam is now in 4th place of the table,
seriously worrying punters who were hoping on Spaam achieving the
Wooden Spoon for the first time, though they are still hopeful that the team will still manage to play like a pack of galahs.

Who Is That Man?

After scoring two goals against Dead Man, everyone is asking, who is Nala
Eromleb? Noone is sure how old he is, where he is from, or if he really is
a man. However, one thing is sure: he can definitely play football.

Revenge Is Mine

Spaamanian national football coach, Méla Sëhelin, got her revenge against
Brazillico, when her team defeated them 1 nil last round. Still stinging
from the 3 nil whitewash they inflicted on her 20 years ago, she was intent
on making things right this time round.

"This is something I've wanted for a long time, to get the win we deserved
in the World Cup two decades ago, that took away our chance to play in
the finals", she said, after the match.

"It was quite enthralling, seeing a 38 year old woman, put on her team's
uniform, and then get on the field and score a goal against a bunch of fit
20 year olds, at international level", was the comment by the Dean of
Lemmitanian Sports.

Sauce Crisis Worsening

The Evisceratomato Sauce industry is in danger of collapsing as more Mad
Evisceratomatoes are found. A further three factories have closed in the
past week, sending tens of thousands of people into unemployment.
President Fin DeCáno has declared this the worst industrial disaster in the
history of the nation.

East Spaam Second

East Spaam is currently second in their group, after a losing last night to
Nikea. They are currently on 10 points, 3 behind group leader Tranquilitis.
The Belmore Family
07-01-2004, 14:48
Total RP's by Each nation
GROUP 1 11
Lemmitania 3
Avenging Altos 0
Sliponia 0
Keyshona 0
Busby 0
Jeruselem 3
The Weegies 0
Eauz 5

GROUP 2 10
Oglethorpia 9
Zinkoland 0
Timway 0
Svecia 0
Dark Outcasts 0
Alex The Tall 1
Gmlac 0

Snub Nose 38 3
Ravea 0
Belmorian Scandinavia 0
Kravoli 0
Dennisov 2
Tranquillitis 0
East-Germany 0

GROUP 4 13
Giant Zucchini 5
Morawny 0
One Red Dot 2
Peter Panarchy 0
Lanky dude 0
Lubistan 0
Shonar Bangla 0
Rejistania 6

GROUP 5 17
Ravenspire 3
Kaze Progressa 4
One Blue Dot 0
Spaam 6
Brazillico 4
Dead Man 0
Belarussian States 0
Exetonia 0

Bedistan 3
Athamasha 0
Squornshelous 0
NEWI Cefn Druids 4
Creedence Clearwater 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 0
Dual supporters 0
Tanah Burung 2

Europa Brittania 1
Akbarland 0
SterlingIce 0
Stella and E 0
Eaglet 0
Newcuba 0
Antaeus Rising 1
Runaway Moose 0

Ariddia 1
Nikea 2
The Tree Mountains 0
New Montreal States 5
Zeronia 0
Tony mag 0
Belmorian Foxworthia 0
East Spaam 0

Kingsford 0
Oilermania 0
Defari 0
Monkwearmouth 0
Western pie makers 0
Halfassedstates 1
Commerce Heights 5

GROUP 10 20
Liverpool England 4
Pablicosta 0
Beestings 0
The Lowland Clans 2
Iansisle 3
Cockbill Street 5
Anti-Nazis 0
Praying2God 6

GROUP 11 13
Audioslavia 5
Oddslavo 0
Lynnwoode 0
Mattigool 5
Aquilla 3
Big Butts 0
Ice Reavers 0
Artemisia Absentia 0

GROUP 12 7
The Belmore Family 7
Ptolomy 0
God Squad 0
Cermania 0
Pavesia 0
Blood Devourers 0
Kerla 0
Vozvyshennost 0

Total 119[/code:1:027c8dc5b8]

Top 3 RPing Groups
1. Group 10 (20 RPs)
2. Group 5 (17 RPs)
3. Group 4 (13 RPs)
3. Group 11 (13 RPs)

Bottom 3 RPing groups
1. Group 7 (2 RPs)
2. Group 3 (6 RPs)
2. Group 3 (6RPs)

Top 3 RPing Nations
1. Oglethorpia (9 RPs)
2. The Belmore Family (7 RPs)
3. Rejistania (6 RPs)
3. Praying2God (6RPs)
07-01-2004, 14:52
Mr T.n.Unicorn I
Wandering Close Comprehensive.

Dear Sir,
I am writing to you with regard to my son Big who is one of the boarding students at WC. As you may remember, last year Big was subject to numerous cases of intimidation and bullying which were investigated by your school and some outside bodies.
In our last correspondance, you stated that Big would be moved to a different class this year to help reduce the chances of such events reoccurring.
Imagine my horror then, when I received a letter from Big saying that he was once again in the same class as Oddslavo and Aquilla. The two children who reportedly caused him so much trouble last year. Big even mentioned that Aquilla had a go at him on the first day back and HIT him 3 times!
As much as I admire the set-up of the WC, I must start to question your reasoning behind mixing the classes in the way that you do. Would it not be better to have all the kids of the same ability in the same class?
If I hear of more unsavory incidents, I may have to consider my childs future at your institution.

Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Butts.
07-01-2004, 15:33
Dear Mrs. Butts,

Thank-you for your letter.

We tried to keep certain students away from others as best we can, but the set-up of the school system does not always guarentee that this will take place. As you may also have heard on the news over the summer break, the examinations board managed to lose a large number of the childrens exam papers, meaning that we still do not have a definate rating list for all of the children enroled at WC this year!

I do feel compelled to argue the case for our schools set-up. We here at the WCC have always beleived in the ability of children to learn from their peers. Over the years we have constantly been striving to improve the schools reputation as one of the best in the world.

Our aim is for the children to learn both from the teachers and also from the elder children in the class. We want to protect the younger children from cases of bullying, and as such, each class has a mentor who looks out for the class as a whole! Unfortunatly in recent times some of the 'mentors' have let the power go to their head and have been unnecessarily harsh on the others. We are currently looking at resolving this problem.

While other schools force all the children to compete constantly for prizes, we prefer to select the best children from each class to attend a finishing school over the summer period. This is where the hard greft takes place, and by doing this we avoid putting extra pressure on young children.

I hope this helps you understand the schools situation, we will be keeping a close eye on Big and his classmates and will deal with any further problems if they should arrise.

Best regards,
T.n.Unicorn I
07-01-2004, 16:20
Top 3 RPing Nations
1. Oglethorpia (9 RPs)
2. The Belmore Family (7 RPs)
3. Rejistania (6 RPs)
3. Praying2God (6RPs)

OOC: Anybody else find it funny that I'm amongst the top RPing nations, and yet my team is struggling mightily to score or win?
07-01-2004, 16:37
Jeruselem Government News

Keyshona continue 0-1 Curse for Crusaders

Table leader Keyshona in World Cup XI have beaten the Jeruselem Crusaders 1-0 to remain top of Group 1. This is the fourth game where the Crusaders have lost 0-1.

Captain David Becks looked very confused when talking to our reporter "We weren't really expected to win, but a draw would have been nice and not the same old scoreline as last game. Next game, we really need to win.".
07-01-2004, 16:37
Sowhatsville News

Jennung's shut-out continues

Match-day 5 saw Halfassed's toughest challenge yet in group 9, away to top seeds Kingford. In what turned out to be another dull match, neither side seemed to be on top form. Kingsford had identified Gunnet as Halfassed main threat and had two men marking him throughout the game. Young Sherwood wasted Halfassed's best chance of the match when he blasted wide from just 10 yards out early in the second half.
At the other end of the park, Jennung and Ducks were further inhanceing their growing reputations. Jennung produced a couple of top-class saves early in the match to prevent Kingsford scoring early. Ducks also continued her run of great performances, with a strong defensive display and a crucial interception late in the game which prevented a 1-on-1 situation.
The result sees Halfassed slip back to 3rd in the group on GD.
After 5 games and 4 goals, there does seem to be a lack of excitment!
The next match may well improve that situation, as Halfassed host 2nd in the group Defari.
Here's hoping for a few goals!!
07-01-2004, 17:40
In a cave in the Misty Mountains near the source of the River Entwash in the forest of Fangorn, two hobbits were working tirelessly, bottling Old Ent Treebeard’s Sparkling Water, a sample of the invigorating waters of the Entwash and the official bottled water of World Cup 11. In the spirit of fellowship and goodwill, cup organisers from Warnocks Wizards have been sending cases of the refreshing drink to all participants in World Cup qualifying. Putting the final touches on a case bound for Tranquillitis, the older hobbit Polo sighed and called out to his mate:

Polo: What do you say we take our 2nd breakfast break now, Bungo?

Bungo: Fine with me, guv’

Polo: Right then, where did I put that lembas bread?

Bungo: Think it’s over there under the WW1 paper.

Polo: Ah, yes it is. Here have some, Bungo. Do you mind reading me the WW1, only I misplaced my spectacles.

Bungo: Sure thing. What’s this? Oh, it’s the latest World Cup Edition of WarnocksWizards1. This one has match reports and transcripts from all over. Heh. Commercial Low claims they control their group, after only four matches.

Polo: That’s a bit rich, don’t they play 14 matches in qualifying? Commercial Low, Commercial Low...aren’t they the ones that brought those flying machines that polluted our skies and won that match a few cups back?

Bungo: I think so. Hmmm...Spaam have a new star player. Somebody called Nala Eromleb. That’s an odd name.

Polo: What is the name?

Bungo: Na-la Erom-leb.

Polo: Why that’s a wot-sit...a palindrome! Backwards that’s–

Bungo: Hahaha. Wait to you hear what those Tanah Burungians are doing. Some priestess is performing rituals with an adding machine. Apparently, they’re sacrificing “pixel” chickens to help them win games.

Polo: Pixel chickens. What are they? Do they taste like cow?

Bungo: No, that’s Hell Bovines....Umm, Polo, did we send any Entdraught out with the World Cup shipments?

Polo: Blasted...what is that I’m sitting on...Ooh, my spectacles...sorry, Bungo, what were you saying?

Bungo: I said, “did we send any Entdraught out with the World Cup shipments?”

Polo: Why?

Bungo: The Lemmings are complaining about the water. They say:

Clem: Something in the water, you think?

Lana: Yep. It’s this “Worl’ Cup Water” thet Warnocks Wizards distributed to all the teams when qualifyin’ began. Makes the strikers weak an’ stringy.

Clem: Or maybe it just pumps up the goalies.

Lana: It could do both, actually.

Clem: I’ve been drinking World Cup Water myself. And I have to tell you, I think it’s just ordinary off-brand bottled water that they stuck some fancy labels on. I’d be very surprised if it’s affecting play.

Polo: Let me see that...Uhh, go get the mailing rolls...Tell me, what was the number on the case we sent to Lemmitania?

Bungo: 4392.

Polo: “4392?” That has only four digits...why that’s not from the Entwash...that’s from the special spring...we sent them Entdraught!

Bungo: That should have been sent to New Rivendell Health Institute! What effect would that have on aliens?

Polo: Prolly the same effect on us. You know the One Trilogy well, what does it say about Entdraught?

Bungo: “The drink was like water...and yet there was some scent or savour in it which they could not describe: it was faint, but it reminded them of the smell of the distant wood borne from afar by a cool breeze at night. The effect of the draught began at the toes, and rose steadily through every limb, bringing refreshment and vigour as it coursed upwards, right to the tips of the hair. Indeed the hobbits felt that the hair on their heads was actually standing up, waving and curling and growing.”

Polo: Hmmm, if I remember correctly, the Entdraught made Merry and Pippin more stout. Presumably, if would cause aliens the same, to grow and become more treelike. Well, I wouldn’t see it making the strikers “weak an’ stringy.” That was prolly something they ate. Though Entdraught very well might make defenders and goalkeepers stronger and more effective.

Bungo: Uhhh, Polo...we’ve sent quite a few cases of Entdraught out to World Cup nations. In fact, we’ve sent them out to 28 nations!

Polo: Oh, dear. We’ll have to send out replacements. It will take a few weeks, but it should reach everyone by the start of the second half of the qualifying campaign. Let’s get to work.
Snub Nose 38
07-01-2004, 17:45
*as sunrise peeks through the window, we realize we are in the offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. not the office in the mansion on the expansive estate, nor the penthouse office in the ministry building. on the plus side (for the minister), it also isn’t the basement offices, or the ragged tent. we look around and see…no one. now, that’s just not right. there has to be some reason we wound up here. we’ve come to accept the odd way we keep showing up in various places without actually making any effort to get there. however, we’ve also come to expect someone to be there for us to observe. we intend to register a complaint.*

*wait a minute. we’re sure that closet door was closed when we “got” here – now it seems to be opened a crack. okay, now didn’t we just see it move? now, this is interesting – someone is quietly slipping through the opening. hmmm…wearing a hooded cape. carrying a bag of some sort that appears to have feathers tied to it. is that a rubber chicken hanging from her belt? ah…so this is where someone we all know only as “margaret” has been hiding. we hear a whisper from the closet*

- Is anyone out there?
- If someone was out here, nimwit, I wouldn’t be out here.
- There’s no need to be rude, Margaret. I just asked a simple question.
- Everything you do is simple. Just hold your water a minute, okay?
- Rude and crude.
- Gad, you are so annoying! Just let me check the paper.
- Well, get on with it then.

*margaret makes a certain gesture towards the closet door, then turns and slips quietly over to the desk. she takes a flashlight (okay, okay “torch”) out of her pocket, turns it on, and begins to read the paper with it*

- Hey! They won!
- What?
- I said, “They won!” bub! The Hooligans won todays’ match with Tranquillitis.
- Match…?
- You know, it’s pretty embarrassing when the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages doesn’t understand a thing about sports. Match. Game. Contest.
- Oh. Well, why didn’t you say so?
- If you open your mouth once more in the next five minutes, I will hurt you.
- mmph? mmpht mph mmmphfth?
- Yes, I will. Just try me.
- mmpfth.
- By one goal. Says here Knuckles managed to get one in the 57th minute, and then they held off a series of ferocious attacks by the Tranquilittis-ist-ers-ies. Just what the h_ll do you call somebody from Tranquillitis? A Tranquillist? A Tranquilliter? A Tranquillary? A Tranquillizer? What?
- mmmpthrft.
- I don’t think so.
- mmpft?
- Three wins, one draw, one loss.
- frmpthft. mmpghrfts?
- 10 points. So do the Tranquillizers. Dennisov and Ravioli…
- mmphkrfth.
- Oh, right…Dennisov and Kravoli each have eleven, on three wins and two draws.
- mnghphft?
- Still fourth, behind the Tranquillizers on Goal Differential. They have a GD of 6, the Hooligans GD is 3.
- ghthmn. mmpht?
- Yes, it’s safe for us to come out now.
- phthmmpht?
- Only two matches left – one with KOR3A, the other with Dennisov. So, yes, we do have a pretty good chance of snagging one of the top three spots. As long as the Hooligans remember how to play football. And for Pete's sake, stop mumbling
- Well, you said you'd hurt me if I opened my mouth. And, what do you mean by "footfall"?
- ”FOOTBALL” bonehead! It’s what we call the game they’re playing. You really are clueless, aren’t you?

*we decide we should leave before the minister gets hurt – and quickly depart*
ooc: big question. the schedule in the first post lists 7 matchdays. is that it, or are we doing them again with home and away reversed, as usual?
07-01-2004, 17:56
ooc: big question. the schedule in the first post lists 7 matchdays. is that it, or are we doing them again with home and away reversed, as usual?

OOC: Qualification indeed is done in the traditional manner. For the first seven matchdays, games are played as listed in the first post. For the second seven matchdays, games are played in the same order with the home and away sides reversed as usual. Hence, 14 matches total for the qualifying round.
07-01-2004, 18:00
OOC: Sorry for arriving late ;)

IC: Five Games in, Bottom of Group

In their first world cup, Vozvyshennost look extremely unlikely to qualify after being bottom of the group after five games. Two draws against Pavesia and Blood Devourers give the team their only two points of the campaign. However, captain Ruben Alexeev is still upbeat.

"We know that we weren't likely to qualify, so we are using this opportunity to get some experience of top-quality football. Hopefully, Vozvyshennost will soon be as good as the very best."

Defeats against Kerla, The Belmore Family and Ptolomy make up the rest of the games.

Results and Group Standings

[code:1:fbb71391c7]Kerla 1 Vozvyshennost 0
Vozvyshennost 0 Pavesia 0
Vozvyshennost 1 Blood Devourers 1
Vozvyshennost 0 The Belmore Family 2
Ptolomy 3 Vozvyshennost 1

Group 12
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family 5 4 1 0 7 0 7 13
Kerla 5 4 0 1 9 3 6 12
Pavesia 5 3 1 1 7 5 2 10
God Squad 5 2 1 2 4 4 0 7
Ptolomy 5 1 1 3 4 6 -2 4
Blood Devourers 5 1 1 3 6 9 -3 4
Cermania 5 1 1 3 1 6 -5 4
Vozvyshennost 5 0 2 3 2 7 -5 2 [/code:1:fbb71391c7]
Snub Nose 38
07-01-2004, 18:07
ooc: big question. the schedule in the first post lists 7 matchdays. is that it, or are we doing them again with home and away reversed, as usual?

OOC: Qualification indeed is done in the traditional manner. For the first seven matchdays, games are played as listed in the first post. For the second seven matchdays, games are played in the same order with the home and away sides reversed as usual. Hence, 14 matches total for the qualifying round.Thanks. Maybe them flippin' Hooligans can qualify after all. :wink:
Kaze Progressa
07-01-2004, 18:08
Top 3 RPing Nations
1. Oglethorpia (9 RPs)
2. The Belmore Family (7 RPs)
3. Rejistania (6 RPs)
3. Praying2God (6RPs)

OOC: Anybody else find it funny that I'm amongst the top RPing nations, and yet my team is struggling mightily to score or win?

New nations will face that, regardless of RP. Though the RP bonuses will probably accumulate and build up.

Also, Avenging Altos have posted an RP, but it was posted as KP. There may be other such issues with puppets.

IC post coming soon.
07-01-2004, 18:10
OOC: I had this done last night, but my computer had problems and it was too late to type the whole thing over again.


Bill Carter (BC): Don't worry sports fans, Jim and I have taken care of our legal problems and are both here today to update on the sports action from around the nation.

Jim Anderson (JA): That's right, Bill. Of course, the lead story is how our team is doing in the World Cup. They've struggled so far, taking only one of a possible nine points during a three match homestand, and came into today's match in 7th place in the group with that one point looking for their first goal of the Cup. Jennifer Johnson has a recap of today's game for us from the nation of Pablicosta.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ):Bill and Jim, I think we found a story today in Pablicosta that will take the affairs that the two of you allegedly had off the front page of the sports section. WE SCORED!!! :D Not just once, but TWICE! :shock: In addition, those two goals gave us our first ever World Cup WIN 2-1 over Pablicosta. We scored once in each half on our way to the victory. In the first half, captain Martin Luther took a pass from Martin Luther King Jr. and sent a rocket past the Pablicosta keeper. Then in the second half, young Cassie Bernall, in only her second World Cup appearance took a cross from Dietrich Bonhoeffer and headed it into the net for a 2-0 lead. Late in the game, Pablicosta cut the lead to one on a freak own goal when James Dobson hit Chuck Colson in the back of the head on a clearing attempt and the ball bounced past a stunned Joshua Harris and into the net. Pope John Paul came on for Dobson and played admirably. Dobson is expected to be out for at least tomorrow's match, and possibly longer. Let's hear what the goal scorers had to say after the match.

Martin Luther: I hope we don't get too confident after our win today and not play as well tomorrow. We now have an idea of how we're going to need to play to win. I hope we'll be able to play like that on a regular basis, so we can move up in the group standings. To score the first goal for our team was a real honor, but it was a team effort, not just an individual one. I'm proud of the way we played today. :D

Cassie Bernall: I didn't really expect to be playing in this World Cup, never mind scoring the game winning goal in our first victory. :shock: We played an outstanding game as a team. We need to build on this and keep getting better throughout the tournament. It was a great win for us. :D

JJ: That's all we have from here. Let's send it back to Bill and Jim.

BC: That really is good to hear. :D The pressure to score had been starting to intesify, and they relieved that burden today, albeit against another rookie team.

JA: That's right, Bill. It was a huge win for our team, but they're still buried deep in the group standings...

BC: I hate to interrupt you, Jim, but I've just gotten word that Information Minister John Williams is about to make an announcement. Let's see what he has to say.

John Williams: In honor of our team's first win in the World Cup, there will be a celebration held in their honor at the House of Prayer at 9 PM tonight. Everyone is welcome to attend. Those that plan on attending are advised to try to arrive early to get a seat, as they are expecting a packed stadium. The team is expected to make an appearance.

JA: There is no way I'm missing that party tonight. How about you, Bill?

BC: I'm going to be there as well. I'd encourage all of you that are watching to go to the celebration tonight.

JA: That's all the time we have for today. Let's recap the top story. Praying2God won for the first time in the World Cup today, 2-1 at Pablicosta. John Williams announced a short time ago that there will be a party tonight at the House of Prayer at 9 PM.

Praying2God 2 (Luther 26, Bernall 72)
Pablicosta 1 (own goal 83)
Snub Nose 38
07-01-2004, 18:13
Sauce Crisis Worsening

The Evisceratomato Sauce industry is in danger of collapsing as more Mad
Evisceratomatoes are found. A further three factories have closed in the
past week, sending tens of thousands of people into unemployment.
President Fin DeCáno has declared this the worst industrial disaster in the
history of the nation.
The Remington County Record

Academy Offers Advice
Sten Lauren D'Order

Today the Academy of Science of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 strongly suggested that the Agriculture Ministry of Spaam immediately begin culling the Evisceratomatoe herd, before Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease spreads any farther. As well, the Academy announced that import of any form of Tomatoe Sauce, Evisceratomatoe or other, from United Spaam are now banned, pending some sort of resolution to the Mad Evisceratomatoe problem in Spaam.

Current Standings, Qualifying Group 3
Sten Remington Grey
[code:1:96584fbc86]Group 3
Name Rk P W D L F A GD Pts
Kravoli (58) 5 3 2 0 9 4 5 11
Dennisov (15) 5 3 2 0 6 1 5 11
Tranquillitis (58) 5 3 1 1 9 3 6 10
Snub Nose 38 (3) 5 3 1 1 5 2 3 10
Belmorian Scandinavia (46) 5 2 1 2 6 5 1 7
East-Germany (UR) 5 1 1 3 3 11 -8 4
KOR3A (UR) 5 0 2 3 3 6 -3 2
Ravea (UR) 5 0 0 5 3 12 -9 0[/code:1:96584fbc86]
07-01-2004, 18:15
It is a festive scene at The Romping Frog, a pub on the beachfront in Downtown Cordova. Nearly the entire Brazillican squad has made it for the occasion of this boisterous affair to celebrate a tight road win. All of a sudden, clips of the Brazillico/Spaam match appear on the many televisions of the bar.

"Hey, shut up everyone!" shouts out defender Batista.

Spaamanian national football coach, Méla Sëhelin, got her revenge against
Brazillico, when her team defeated them 1 nil last round. Still stinging
from the 3 nil whitewash they inflicted on her 20 years ago, she was intent
on making things right this time round.

"This is something I've wanted for a long time, to get the win we deserved
in the World Cup two decades ago, that took away our chance to play in
the finals", she said, after the match.

A period of awkward silence is shared between the bar after the soundbite. Then, a visibly intoxicated, and member of the World Cup 6 Brazillico team, Esteban de Jesus breaks out in hysterical laughter. "I can't believe she still held that against us," sputtered De Jesus, struggling to contain his laughter, "I mean, we beat them like twenty years ago... Let it go!"

The bar broke into laughter. "Come on," continued De Jesus, "Maybe that's the reason Spaam has SSssssucked so bad... they can't let things go, LET It GOoooooo!!"

De Jesus struggled to maintain his balance as he finished that last lowblow to the Spaamanian side.

"Here's to a schlacking of Spaam!" shouted De Jesus as he raised his glass as the bar followed and let out a hearty cheer.

"But sir," muttered striker Trevors, "We're only playing them in 5 games or so, we have Ravenspire at home next."

"You're a bright boy aren't you!" exclaimed De Jesus, "You can start next game. And you're right, they aren't worth our time... We're 3rd, they're 4th and we have to look forwards not backwards like those Spaamanian losers!"

The bar let out another cheers before the pub-goers proceeded to go about their business.
NEWI Cefn Druids
07-01-2004, 18:41

David Rhys-Jones reports from Parkville on NEWI Cefn Druids 0 Gesamtkuntswerk 0

The Druids put in their best performance of the qualifying campaign so far last night by holding Gesamtkuntswerk to a goalless draw.

Chances were few and far between as the Druids midfield dominated proceedings, while the Gesamtkuntswerk backline were commanding, cutting out everything that came their way.

The performance by the Druids to earn such a result is a pleasant surprise, especially to those who saw them at Creedence Clearwater in their last match.

Coach Trevor Stevens said after the match that he hoped his players could put in a similar performance when they go to Tanah Burung for their next match.

Final Score:
NEWI Cefn Druids 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 0

Druids team: ( 4-5-1 ) Allinson; Kallins, Rhyds, Lanton, Pearson; Simpson, Lee, Trevor, Welsh, James; Greaves.
Cockbill Street
07-01-2004, 19:24
Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Lowly Draw Against Lowlanders
Battle For Three Group Ten Spots Continue

It's going to be a difficult fight. Five major nations are struggling for only three spots, after Anti-Nazis involved themselves in the fight with their win over Cockbill Street some rounds ago.

Still, another away point keeps the distance to the top three within four points, and it was a well deserved one. The game was tight all through to the end, and it was a bit of a lucky goal that sent The Lowland Clans into the lead. Admittedly they had controlled the match, but in the brawl on ten metres a TLC player got to it and scored. 1-0 for the Lowland Clans after 37 minutes.

However, the ever-growing clan of the Axewielders hit again. For the first time, three Axewielders played an international game for Cockbill Street, and two of them cooperated to make Cockbill's first goal of the game. The last pass of Harald's was brilliant, and it let Tungsten-carbide's run come to full right. 1-1, only six minutes afterwards.

The match closed down in the second half as both teams withdrew into their own halves and concentrated on defense.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Chalky 5 (Eversham 81), Dolomite 5, Harmison 5 - Calcite 6, Petisha 7, B Axewielder 6, H Axewielder (Olsen 55 5) - Tungsten-carbide 7, Pollock 6, Quier 5.
07-01-2004, 19:28

Timway's team, after an extraordinarily disappointing start, finally did some executing today, as they beheaded the coach and all of his assistants on Timway's National Pitch. Several players were then detained in connection with the killings. It is unknown what the composition of the team will be for the remainder of qualifying, but it assuredly cannot be worse than the squad that participated in the previous five games. The team, ranked 38th in the world entering qualification, stands for yet another dissapointment, as they advanced to the semifinals a mere two Cups ago. The coach had this to say " ", as would be expected. Volunteers for the coaching position have not been found. Wilson, volleyball from Cast Away fame, is the only suitable candidate the team has found thus far, and, if luck changes, may remain the team's coach for the remainder of qualifying. However, the team stated that if morale deflates to an even lower level, Wilson will soon be following suit.
07-01-2004, 20:03
"D"Sauce Crisis Worsening

The Evisceratomato Sauce industry is in danger of collapsing as more Mad
Evisceratomatoes are found. A further three factories have closed in the
past week, sending tens of thousands of people into unemployment.
President Fin DeCáno has declared this the worst industrial disaster in the
history of the nation.
The Remington County Record

Academy Offers Advice
Sten Lauren D'Order

Today the Academy of Science of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 strongly suggested that the Agriculture Ministry of Spaam immediately begin culling the Evisceratomatoe herd, before Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease spreads any farther. As well, the Academy announced that import of any form of Tomatoe Sauce, Evisceratomatoe or other, from United Spaam are now banned, pending some sort of resolution to the Mad Evisceratomatoe problem in Spaam.

OOC: Mad evisceratomato was first a concern in Oglethorpia...I believe Spaam barred imports from our nation.

I guess Spaam also has an outbreak.


The Bureaucratic Tribune

Mad evisceratomato quarantined!
Evisceratomatoes infected with ESE taken off the market

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The first Oglethorpian evisceratomatoes infected with ESE have been tested, tested again, and sealed away in a safe place -- but Oglethorpian Food, Drug & Food Administrative Association & Federation Director Mike Stumbles said that "they either came from Spaam or Tanah Burung." The accusation has sent tremors through the entire evisceratomato sauce industry within the nation of Oglethorpia, who's foremost company, Consolidated Foods has always used a mix of evisceratomatoes imported from various nations.

"Despite the confiscated evisceratomatoes," says Mike Stumbles, "people should continue to eat evisceratomatoes! The checks we have in place ensure people can still enjoy them during this time of crisis -- and we've almost nearly determined they didn't even come from our own nation."

Food safety analysts agree with the FD&FAA&F -- the infected evisceratomatoes most likely came from the nation of Spaam, notorious for their corner-cutting in the area of evisceratomato crop growing and distribution.

The government has imposed no embargos of any kind on Spaamian evisceratomatoes.


Oglethorpia loses!?
NASTIC 2 pulls off an upset win

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- "A disgraceful preformance," said coach Picciotto. "No other word for it." Ranked 30-something, NASTIC 2 rolled into town against the Wonderteam -- playing before their home crowd -- and lost. In an upset to write home about, NASTIC 2 felled the 2nd ranked Wonderteam in their home stadium a 1-nil thriller. Oglethorpia had faced NASTIC 2 on prior occasions, namely World Cup X qualifying -- the record between the two teams now 1-1-1.

Oglethorpia had played even with the significantly better side since when they last met four years ago, the match going nil-nil into the final 10 minutes uneventfully, save a handful of shots on goal.

In the 81st, Torrence Black's cross to Jorge White would be put in for a goal -- but a sigh was let out through the stadium when it was called offsides.

"That may very well have lost the game for us," said a visibly angry Guy Picciotto.

In the 86th NASTIC 2 would put their game winner past Yamamoto-san, the falling keeper unable to get a hand on the ball. An audible grumble erupted from the crowd of 118,000 packed in Amalgamated Stadium. With fulltime came the Wonderteam's 1-nil loss to NASTIC 2.

"It's a tough loss, especially when you're so highly favored as we've been," said coach Picciotto.

"It's hard," commented Torrence Black, who's potential equalizer was ruled offsides. "Now we're 3rd in the tables. Hopefully we'll be able to come back."
Snub Nose 38
07-01-2004, 20:57
Sauce Crisis Worsening

The Evisceratomato Sauce industry is in danger of collapsing as more Mad
Evisceratomatoes are found. A further three factories have closed in the
past week, sending tens of thousands of people into unemployment.
President Fin DeCáno has declared this the worst industrial disaster in the
history of the nation.
The Remington County Record

Academy Offers Advice
Sten- Lauren D'Order

Today the Academy of Science of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 strongly suggested that the Agriculture Ministry of Spaam immediately begin culling the Evisceratomatoe herd, before Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease spreads any farther. As well, the Academy announced that import of any form of Tomatoe Sauce, Evisceratomatoe or other, from United Spaam are now banned, pending some sort of resolution to the Mad Evisceratomatoe problem in Spaam.

The Remington County Record
Sten Lauren D'Order

Correction - Mad E'mato Disease Article

In yesterdays edition of The Remington County Record we published an article that, while factual, did not include all the facts. While there is, in fact, an outbreak of Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease in Spaam - which is badly disrupting the commercial evisceratomatoe sauce industry there - we neglected to mention that the first outbreak of Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease occurred earlier this year in Oglethorpia - where the tomatoe sauce industry has been devestated. Oglethorpia claims the first infected E'matos may have come from Spaam, but this reporter finds that contention a bit contentious, since Mad Evisceratomatoe Disease broke out in Oglethorpia BEFORE the Spaam catastrophe. Oglethorpia seems to be in denial (no, NOT "de nile"), and continues to import Evisceratomatoes from Spaam, and encourage their consumption by Oglethorpians - which may well cause consumption for some Oglethropians.

Further, while we mentioned factually that the Academy of Science banned further import of Evisceratomato Sauce (in fact, all forms of tomato sauce) from United Spaam, we failed to mention the equally important fact that the Academy has also banned import of Evisceratomatoe Sauce (and other tomato sauces) from Oglethorpia. It should also be noted that import of Evisceratomato products, and tomato products, of any kind, including Evisceratomatoes, tomatoes, and Errinundrian Engineered Evisceratomatoes are also banned. It is notable that an article from news media in Tanah Burung indicates that EEEmatoes are not infected, however the Academy of Science prefers to err, if in fact it is an error to ban the EEEmato, on the safe side for the protection of the health of the citizens of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38.

The Editorial Staff of The Remington County Record apologizes for these oversights, and any inconvenience our inadequate reporting may have caused.
Snub Nose 38
07-01-2004, 21:24
Scuttlebutt – Evening Edition

On The Lighter Side
Sten Felonia Sasalt

Here at Scuttlebutt we believe in presenting not only the dour and sad side of the days news, but the good news and, when appropriate, news that is humorous. We found the following article in Timway News Media to be among the funniest we’ve seen in print this year.


Timway's team, after an extraordinarily disappointing start, finally did some executing today, as they beheaded the coach and all of his assistants on Timway's National Pitch. Several players were then detained in connection with the killings. It is unknown what the composition of the team will be for the remainder of qualifying, but it assuredly cannot be worse than the squad that participated in the previous five games. The team, ranked 38th in the world entering qualification, stands for yet another dissapointment, as they advanced to the semifinals a mere two Cups ago. The coach had this to say " ", as would be expected. Volunteers for the coaching position have not been found. Wilson, volleyball from Cast Away fame, is the only suitable candidate the team has found thus far, and, if luck changes, may remain the team's coach for the remainder of qualifying. However, the team stated that if morale deflates to an even lower level, Wilson will soon be following suit.
07-01-2004, 22:34
07-01-2004, 23:00
note to editor:

The original article was lost in the press, so this is a re-hash of it, to be stuck on the newspaper in the guise of a post-it-note, cheers mate.


Ice, Ice, Baby
'slaves beat Ice Reavers - next comes Aquilla Baby

Audioslavia played a team called the Ice Reavers at home and won 2-0. One goal was scored by Wayne Bury, the other was an own goal by their goalie, the idiot.

Audioslavia play Aquilla next week, and the winner will advance to top of the group. woo!

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake. Twice. g'nite bitchy mcbitchfest bitcharoonies, cleopatra, comin' atcha.
08-01-2004, 00:14
heh, oops
08-01-2004, 00:15
“It never rains but it pours!” exclaimed young Alexander Truman as he skipped in to SuperIans’ away locker room, at last with a World Cup goal to his name.

“That should fill up Westergate!” agreed his mentor, world and super cup veteran John Copplestone, who’s smile was more understated but very clearly existent.

“That puts us back ahead of Cockbill Street,” mentioned a random towel boy. Most wore happy grins about that news: over the last few matches, Iansisle had come more and more to regard Cockbill as their primary rival, though the feeling might not be mutual. Most suspected that it was because Cockbill Street, despite two very close games, had proven the only team the SuperIans could beat on a consistent basis.

The entire procession stopped just short of reaching their lockers. Coach Westmore, flanked by his small staff, was standing there with arms crossed and very severe expressions on their faces.

Truman made a face. “Ah, come on coach, we just slaughtered them! Me, Brian (Parks) an’ John (Copplestone) all scored!”

“Mr. Truman,” replied Westmore sharply, before allowing a smile to creep across his face. “Don’t worry so much. I’m not here to chastise you. Everyone played a spectacular game. That’s, in fact, just the sort of game I think we need to get this show back on the road.”

There was many relieved sighs floating around the room when Westmore suddenly continued his speech. “However, do any of you know who we’ll be playing next at Westergate?” There was silence for a few seconds, before Tom Ross slowly raised his hand like a school boy.

“Er, Liverpool England?” The silence that had proceeded his statement was nothing compared with the silence that followed it.

“Thank you, Tom,” replied Westmore, glancing about the faces, whos’ expressions ranged from fear to outright terror. “And now I see why Ell-Eee keeps winning. Everyone’s too damn chicken to stand up to them.” He started pacing in front of the room. “Gentlemen, this is the finest damn football XI it’s ever been my pleasure to coach. I think very highly of each and every one of you.”

He paused. “But I will NOT let you be intimidated by also-rans and has-beens! We can beat Liverpool England, and we will beat them! I don’t care if they won the World Cup back in old-fogies’ time! This is here and now!” He pointed at Truman, who had been wearing one of the more frightened expressions. “Mr. Truman, can we beat Liverpool!?”

Truman hesitated, then smiled. “Yes, sir, we can!”


“Yes, sir, we will!” answered Truman more confidently. The entire SuperIans team and its auxiliaries cheered.

“But it will take more than words to down Goliath!” screamed Westmore. “I expect to see each and every one of you on the field for practice, early!”

This time, they listened to him.
08-01-2004, 00:46
OOC: I can't be making many posts this cup, at least until Exams are over. Next week is hell week, I have exams in all my classes, which are all Honors and AP classes, so I'll only pop up occasionally. Thanks.
08-01-2004, 00:59
Mattigool Sports

Do you want to get fired, Mr. Rismo?

(Goolsund) It was another embarrassing defeat last night: 1:4 against Big Butts. The once selfconfident Gools created a kind of football called confuball. It was easy for Big Butts take the win, too easy. What kind of game is Tore Rismo playing? Gamsten had to sit on the bench again. The relation between playmaker and coach seems to be more than disturbed. And in 76th minute it wasn't Rismo who brought in Gamsten for Johannsen, it was Gamsten himself. Surely too late for Big Butts had already scored 4 times. 20.000 had already left Sundpark, the remaining 5.000 were witnessing the Gamsten one man show. But his furious left footed strike from 25 meters ramained the only Mattigoolian success.
During the pressconference after the game Rismo was confronted with the roumour, that former Belmorian players Dunner and Wellden would become the new coaches of the Gool. After this newly disappointing performance it seems to be more than a roumour. MFC President Matti agreed, that TBF has offered A1.000.000.000 towards MFC, but didn't want make any further comments. "It is true, but Rismo's merits on Mattigoolian football are incontestable." Then he disappeared to Goolsund Airport. It is said that he met a delegation from TBF there.
Some journalists swear, that they have seen Welden and Dunner at Airport Hotel. We will keep you informed.
08-01-2004, 02:08
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by...
08-01-2004, 02:11
*This is a test of the Emergency Alert System. This is only a test.*
08-01-2004, 02:11
Will the Bedistan Lions pull out of their slump? Stay tuned...
08-01-2004, 02:14
You're watching Bedistan NewsNet, bringing you the latest newspaper reports from all over Bedistan live here on the Internet. Bedistan NewsNet is a division of PariMedia News Corporation. Please continue for our report on today's World Cup qualifying match against Dual supporters...
08-01-2004, 02:14
The Bedistan Sports Digest

No Support for Dual Supporters
Lions finally win again

MIDWAY -- After a less-than-brillant road trip that saw the Lions go 1-0-2, falling 1-0 to both Squornshelous and Tanah Burung, the Bedistan national team returned home to face Dual supporters. Unlike the first two matches, Parker National was not filled to capacity today; in fact, an anemic 77,482 fans came to see the match, filling the stadium to less than two-thirds of its capacity.

The Lions started off the match depressed by both their last two matches and the annoying low match attendance. Nineteen minutes into the match, a Supporter forward successfully maneuvered the ball behind keeper Erik Oldenburg, though a Nikean referee disallowed the goal on the grounds that another Supporter was offside. A review of the tape reveals that the player was not in fact offside, but the referee's ruling stood and the score remained tied at zero.

Shortly afterward, midfielder Neil Palin hit the supporters with a quick double whammy. He slammed in a screaming header from the midfield line in the 27th minute. When the Supporters kicked off, Karina Kucharski immediately made a superb tackle and sent the ball up to Palin, who promptly repeated his stunt, scoring the second goal less than sixty seconds after the first. It was a cold day in Midway, and to add insult to injury, a freak miniature snowstorm suddenly appeared over the Supporter keeper's head, dumping about two inches of snow directly onto him. The Lions were suddenly up two-nil.

Manager Gene Barber made some substitutions at halftime:
[code:1:d5c0665670]Oldenburg -> Fukushima
Heidelberg -> Paulus
Morgan -> Hockensmith[/code:1:d5c0665670]

The second half was more laid back, but Dual supporters suffered yet more embarrassment when one of their defenders attempted to pass the ball back to the goalkeeper and the keeper promptly tripped over his untied shoe, allowing the ball to continue into the net. The visitors looked dumbstruck and were now down 3-0. That was how the match would end.

The long-awaited win boosts the Lions back up into third place past the Gesamkuntswerk Sturms, who drew with NEWI Cefn Druids.

[code:1:d5c0665670]Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Palin 27, 28)
Dual supporters 0 (<player> og 72)[/code:1:d5c0665670]
08-01-2004, 02:44
Congrats to Bedistan for that skillful five-tuple post :wink:
08-01-2004, 02:46
Congrats to Bedistan for that skillful five-tuple post :wink:

EDIT: And amidst the irony of it all, I double post too.
08-01-2004, 03:06
Congrats to Bedistan for that skillful five-tuple post :wink:

Damn. And I thought I'd gotten away with no more than a double. :|
08-01-2004, 03:38
Sportscaster: The Brazillico-Ravenspire game is just about to get underway and we’ll go down to Cordova right now, where I understand some late line-up changes have been announced.

On-field Reporter: Yes, several Brazillican players have been complaining of headaches and feeling nauseous over the course of the day, so we’ll see some dramatic starting line-up changes. No word on the origin of this apparent bug, but even manager Esteban de Jesus has been feeling the effects, having been seen popping two Aspirins at the hotel this morning and drinking lots of water, to stay properly hydrated we suppose. This comes as a total shock, since the team’s spirits seemed to be at an all time high when celebrating at the legendary Romping Frog Pub. Four starters will be out of the line-up today and here are the changes.

GK Salazar -> GK al-Cobai
DF Batista -> DF McCafferty
DF Valdez -> DF Palacio
MF Aguiar -> MF McMahon

On-field Reporter: In addition, De Jesus had already announced that Trevors will start in place of Jiminez, meaning that only six regulars will be part of the starting eleven. Back to you, Phil.
08-01-2004, 04:34
*looks at charts and almost passes out*

Squornshelous remain undefeated in dissapointing tie

In matchday five of World Cup 11 qualification, the Squornshelous Pschychos were forced to draw with the national squad from Creedence Clearwater. Although there were several good scoring chances for both sides, neither team was able to score a goal. When asked for a quote on the game, Head Coach and former Squornshelous midfielder Paul Scott, who played in World Cups 5, 6 and 7, replied, "I'm dissapointed in the way our guys played out there. I really thought this was a team we could beat, but we just couldn't finish on our scoring chances. We'll be running over through balls and corner kicks in practice this week." The Pschychoes missed two excellent scoring chances off a corner kick and a deep lob, due to phenomenal play by the opposing goaltender. The play of both goalkeepers was definitely a bright spot in the game, with Squornshelan GK Toby Allen racking up seven saves, and the Creedencian keeper with an astonishing 12. This has been Jed Walker for Squornshelan News Network Sports, signing off.
08-01-2004, 05:08
East Spaamers arrested

Police confiscate tainted sauce

In light of the recent wave of Mad Evisceratomatoes, a ban on all prepared sauces hailing from Spaam, East Spaam and Oglethorpia has been put into place, effective immediately. Customs officials have reported 200 East Spaamers coming to New Montreal for the game against East Spaam were briefly taken into custody and their Evisceratomato sauce consfiscated.

The Spaamers were released after 6 hours and permitted to go about their business with apologies. Foreign tomato sauce will be confiscated and tested before return to the owner. If tainted, it will be destroyed with extreme prejuidice.
08-01-2004, 07:00
KM: I suppose that's what you'd call a 'least' common denominator. *laughs* Now, on the more serious side, let's go to sports, with Michael Black. Mike?

MB: Thank you, Kath. We're currently waiting for the match to get underway here in sunny Brazillico, but the big news is that several of the Brazillican starters have apparently fallen ill.

KM: Bad timing, Mike. What does this mean for the Ravens?

MB: Well, ten of the eleven usual starters are scheduled to play, and we're unaware of any complaints as yet. The exception is midfielder Eileen Schiller, who seems to have requested the day off for religious reasons.

KM: What religion would that be?

MB: We're not entirely sure, Kath. But regardless, no additional changes to the team's lineup have been announced, and coach Zhen Sui-Ling assures us that they're taking appropriate precautions. There was some talk of making additional substitutions in deference to the Brazillicans' misfortune, but nothing concrete has emerged.

KM: Brazillico is fairly high on the charts. What will this match mean?

MB: They are a former champion. But yes, what this match will most likely do -- assuming it's not a draw -- is to open some space between the third and fourth places on the table. It's been a very close contest so far. Depending on Kaze Progressa's performance, a winner might even find themselves at the top of the group, with a nice margin to help them retain a qualifying position.

KM: On that note, we'll be back with full coverage of the match right after this word from our sponsors...

Kathryn Malley and Michael Black, reporting for RNN
The Lowland Clans
08-01-2004, 10:06
ASNN - First Cases of Mad Evisceratomato Disease Detected in Capital
By Nook Winters - Current Events

Today, after a party hosted by former National Soccer Team players at Grahm City Stadium, three people fell ill with what has just been confirmed to be Mad Evisceratomato Disease. The Department of Personal Health released a statement today saying that all evisceratomato products from three months from today have been recalled from all store shelves. All evisceratomato products from Spaam, East Spaam, and Oglethorpia are being inspected throughly at ports around the nation.

More to come as this crisis continues.
08-01-2004, 12:09
Land of Singles

The qualifying series for the latest worldcup is a bitter disappointment for the fans of attacking football.
The last 2 games were proof of the lack of offensive skill in the Dennisov side. The new manager Al Arbour seems unable to put the players on the other side of the pitch.

Game 4
Dennisov - Belmorian Scandinavia 1-0
49th minute: Malone 1-0

On a terrible pitch the hope for nice flowing football was soon impossible. Dennisov was yet again unimpressive, especially up front. The victory was most due to the energetic efforts of midfielder Hod Stuart. Minutes after the teams took the field in the 2nd half, Stuart found the head of Malone.

Game 5
Kravoli - Dennisov 1-1
27th minute: Joliat 0-1
86th minute: KRAVOLI 1-1

Almost, only 4 minutes remained in the game when Kravoli finally managed to put one passed the outstanding Cheevers. However once again this reporter has to make note of the atrocious attacking form of the Dennish football team. Joliat put the Dennish side ahead after half an hour with a well taken long range effort. With more luck than skill the ball finally came to a halt in the Kravoli goal.

We can only hope that Arbour will finally see the light. In spite of the reasonable lucky string of successes, looking at this team play is very painful to the eyes.
08-01-2004, 12:26
More Interesting Information

For those of you who haven't followed the Dennish attempts at qualification, here is an overview of the group, the opponents, the fixtures and the results:

Group 3
Snub Nose 38 - highly ranked, favourites
Belmorian Scandinavia - outside chance
Kravoli - outside chance
Dennisov - highly ranked, favourite to go through
Tranquilitis - outside chance

All of these teams will be played twice. After 5 games, the results for the Dennisov team:

Kor3a - Dennisov 0-1
Dennisov - Tranquilitis 0-0
East Germany - Dennisov 0-3
Dennisov - Belmorian Scandinavia 1-0
Kravoli - Dennisov 1-1
Dennisov - Ravea
Snub Nose 38 - Dennisov

The Dennish goaltender is by far the best player of the team, with Conacher disappointing a bit. Al Arbour, the team's manager, has been trying to build upon the fairly successful team of Mario Lemieux, but with Goulet no longer in the squad, the counter-attack has lost its most valuable component.
08-01-2004, 16:30
Hi Mum,
Just a quick note to let you know all is well.
I am enjoying this year much more than last year. Aquilla had a go at me on the first day back, but he hasn't bothered me at all since then, and I haven't even bumped into Oddslavo outside classes yet so I think everything is settling down now.
The rest of the boys seem a lot more friendly as well. I forgot my lunch money the other day and Mattigol (he's a new kid) gave me the loan of £5. Lunch was only £4 so I gave him the other £1 back.

Well thats the bell, better get back to class.
Hope all is well with you and dad.
Speak soon,
Lots of Love,
Big Butts.
NEWI Cefn Druids
08-01-2004, 18:27


NEWI Cefn Druids striker Björn-Trevor Frederiksson was taken in by the Parkville Police yesterday over an alleged incident during their home international match against Gesamtkuntzwerk.

Druids fan Alexis de Trevor has accused Frederiksson of punching him while Frederiksson was a substitute on the Druids bench. Frederiksson denies all alligations against him, but will be left out of the national team so that he can build his defence case.

More on the story as it comes.
08-01-2004, 18:47
This isn't an RP per se, but since TnUI has released the rankings, I thought it'd be interesting to see the group 1 standings with them included.

[code:1:ffc8273bb1]Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Keyshona (46) 5 3 2 0 5 0 5 11
Lemmitania (1) 5 2 3 0 8 2 6 9
Sliponia (74) 5 2 2 1 7 5 2 8
Eauz (36) 5 2 2 1 5 3 2 8
Busby (32) 5 1 4 0 5 4 1 7
The Weegies (30) 5 1 4 0 5 4 1 7
Avenging Altos (UR) 5 0 1 4 2 14 -12 1
Jeruselem (UR) 5 0 0 5 1 6 -5 0
08-01-2004, 18:55
Live from Lemvoola, this is Clem Gilson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, we bring you live coverage of the Lemmitania Lemmings’ World Cup qualifying match against the Weegies. The Lemmings are defending champions, but they’ve been less than dominating so far in the prelude to World Cup Eleven. It’s fifteen minutes to kickoff, and here with me to discuss the squad’s chances and call the match are Lana Maelstrom, Lemmy “Atom” Meisterbrau, and a hideous giant spider called Maleficus. Lana, Lemmy, welcome to the broadcast. Maleficus, I truly wish you were somewhere far, far away, or better yet, didn’t exist at all.

Lana: Thanks, Clem, always a pleasure.

Lemmy: Glad to be here, man.

Maleficus: I too am glad to be here. Would that this partition were removed, so that I might devour you.

Clem: How nice. Our regular listeners will remember Maleficus from our first broadcast of the qualifiers, last month in Lemmington.

Maleficus: Some might remember my exploits on the football pitch.

Clem: Whose insanely awful idea was it to have giant spiders playing football, anyway?

Lana: Giant Evil Spiders, Clem.

Maleficus: It was our own idea.

Clem: Where did you get the idea? ‘Cause if I was a giant spider, I don’t think I’d think of playing football as something I’d want to do.

Lana: Giant Evil Spider.

Maleficus: Lana is correct. We are Giant Evil Spiders.

Clem: Whatever.

Maleficus: ‘Whatever’ is incorrect. The Evil is integral to our being, and should not be ignored.

Clem: I guess it’s the fact that you’re evil that necessitates that bulletproof partition.

Maleficus: Indeed.

Lana: The Giant Evil Spiders ‘ave their own country, Clem. They’re independent. Wit’ independent ideas.

Maleficus: This you had better believe, puny humans.

Clem: Right, I heard the bit about Dire Arachnia before. The Giant Evil Spider country.

Maleficus: Not the only one.

Clem: Oi, Bejeezus.

Maleficus: There is also the independent nation of Tanah Tarantula.

Clem: Tanah Tarantula? Like Tanah Burung?

Maleficus: That is correct. The giant evil Tarantulas were bred from ordinary tarantulas by puny human mad scientists in Tanah Burung.

Clem: Of course they were.

Lemmy: Don’t forget Kingsford.

Clem: Oh, are you still here, Lemmy?

Lana: Wot are you talkin’ about, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Kingsford, Lana, man.

Lana: Yes, I ‘eard you say Kingsford. Wot I don’t know is why you said it.

Lemmy: ‘Cause Kingsford’s a spider country, man.

Lana: I don’t think that’s right.

Clem: Of course it’s not right. He’s stupid.

Lemmy: No way, man! I remember when I was in middle school, Kingsford was overrun by dire-FIFA spiders.

Clem: What the hell are you talking about?

Lemmy: Kingsford used to be in FIFA! And so did Oglethorpia. And everybody knows there’s dire-FIFA spiders in Oglethorpia, ‘cause they caught a bunch of ‘em and made ‘em play in the GESFL!

Clem: GESFL?

Maleficus: Giant Evil Spider Football League.

Clem: Now, those are some words that should never have been combined together into a phrase.

Lemmy: And the dire-FIFA spiders sneaked across the border from Oglethorpia into Kingsford, and they invaded! And took over.

Clem: What makes you think this?

Lemmy: I [remember it, man! I was in middle school, I said. And I heard all about it on the radio!

Clem: I don’t remember anything about that. I’m sure that if there were news reports I’d have heard soe of them, too.

Lemmy: I didn’t hear about it on the news. What I said was, I heard it on the radio.

Clem: So if you didn’t hear the news of Kingsford’s fall to dire-FIFA spiders on the news, what radio program did you hear it on?

Lemmy: On the World Cup broadcast! It was during World Cup Six, don’t you remember?

Clem: Ohhhh, World Cup Six. Right, right. When Kingsford was supposed to host, but they closed their borders and shut down communications.

Lemmy: ‘Cause they were overrun by spiders.

Clem: What makes you think Kingsford shut down because they were overrun by spiders?

Lemmy: ‘Cause that’s what Gil said.

Clem: Oh, of course. It was something Gil said during a World Cup broadcast. Now that’s something you can safely believe at face value.

Lemmy: It was better than your theory, man.

Clem: Yeah?

Lemmy: Your theory was that the government was on strike.

Clem: On a speaking tour, if I remember correctly.

Lemmy: That’s dumb. Why would the whole government be on a speaking tour?

Clem: Why would they be overrun by giant spiders?

Lemmy: That’s just the way the world works, man. Countries get overrun.

Maleficus: By Giant Evil Spiders.

Lemmy: Yeah.

Clem: Kingsford was never overrun by dire-FIFA spiders.

Maleficus: There are also the Spiders from Mars.

Clem: What, the band, you mean? Ziggy and the Spiders?

Maleficus: They have their own nation. It is on Mars.

Clem: They’re not even spiders. They’re puny humans.

Maleficus: They aren’t.

Clem: Of course they are.

Maleficus: They are not. I have played football against them.

Clem: That’s crazy!

Maleficus: Many things are crazy. Do not be hastily dismissive of them.

Clem: Ziggy Stardust is a guitarist! And a singer. He’s not a spider.

Maleficus: He is a Giant Evil spider.

Clem: The hell you say!

Lemmy: Did you ever see Ziggy and the Spiders, Clem, man?

Clem: You mean, in concert?

Lemmy: Yeah!

Clem: Actually, no. I never did.

Lemmy: They how do you know they’re not spiders?

Clem: I’ve heard them sing!

Lemmy: Spiders can sing.

Maleficus: No, we can’t.

Lemmy: I meant, Giant Evil spiders can sing.

Maleficus: No, really, we can’t.

Lemmy: Well... you can Giant Evil sing, right, man?

Maleficus: Please do not call me man.

Lemmy: Sorry.

Maleficus: If by ‘Giant Evil sing’ you mean shriek horribly, then, yes. Yes, we can Giant Evil sing. But we cannot sing in regular voices.

Lemmy: Oh. Cool.

Maleficus: Yes, it is ‘cool.’

Clem: Look, the refs are bringing the captains to midfield for the cointoss. And we’ve spent the whole intro broadcast talking about freaking Giant Evil Spiders. So I’m putting a moratorium on any Giant Evil Spider discussion for the rest of the match. Understood?

Maleficus: I cannot avoid Giant Evil Spider discussion, for I am a Giant Evil Spider, edible Clem.

Clem: Okay, please don’t call me that.

Maleficus: Is your name not Clem?

Clem: That’s not the part I was objecting to. And you don’t have to talk about Giant Evil Spiders just because you are one.

Maleficus: Ohhh, I see. You are placing a moratorium on talking about Giant Evil Spiders.

Clem: Yes.

Maleficus: Not on being one.

Clem: Right.

Maleficus: I was momentarily worried, because I am a Giant Evil Spider.

Clem: Yeah, we get that.

Maleficus: And if you started oppressing me for it, I’d have to sue you.

Lemmy: Damn, Clem, stop oppressing him!

Clem: All right, I don’t think spiders even have legal rights in Lemmitania.

Lemmy: That’s discrimination!

Maleficus: Indeed it is.

Clem: But let’s not debate it during the game, okay?

Lemmy: What, is the game starting already?

Clem: Yes. Yes, it is. We missed calling the cointoss because we were too busy arguing about Giant Evil Spiders!

Lemmy: Giant Evil Spiders are awesome, man!

Maleficus: Thank you, edible Lemmy.

Lemmy: Ohhh... Okay, that was kinda creepy.

Maleficus: I apologize. I will try not to drool each time I call you “edible Lemmy.”

Lemmy: Maybe just don’t call me Edible Lemmy at all, man.

Maleficus: Well, then don’t keep calling me man.

Lemmy: Oh yeah, I forgot. That’s a hard thing to remember, man.

Maleficus: Lemmy!

Lemmy: What?

Maleficus: You did it again!

Lana: ‘e even calls me man, Maleficus. ‘ell, ‘e calls me ‘Lana, man.’

Maleficus: So what? You are a man.

Lana: No I ain’t!

Lemmy: Lana’s a woman, man.

Maleficus: Do not call me man!

Lemmy: O, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot again, ma-- uh- Maleficus.

Clem: The Lemmings are controlling it so far, having wrested control on a tackle by Lydon moments after the kickoff. Kind of a flukey play, and the Weegies had control of the ball for all of about ten seconds to start the match.

Maleficus: When you say that edible Lana is not--

Lana: Don’t call me that, please.

Maleficus: --a man, do you mean that he is some sort of automaton? Or that he is a highly evolved rat or monkey who merely looks like a man.

Lana: I don’t look loik a man, either! You take that back!

Maleficus: If not a man, what do you look like?

Lana: A woman!

Maleficus: What is that, some sort of subspecies?

Clem: A female, Maleficus. A ‘man’ is a male. A ‘woman’ is a female.

Maleficus: How ridiculous.

Clem: Yeah, well, we find gender roles convenient.

Lana: Yeh, for keepin’ women in their place.

Lemmy: Damn, Clem, stop oppressin’ her!

Clem: Of all the people in this booth, I’m the last one to go around oppressing women!

Lana: Sez you! You jus’ said gender roles are convenient!

Clem: Thet doesn’t mean they’re not oppressive!

Lana: The ‘ell it doesn’t! Gender roles are convenient for you people wot’re in power!

Clem: People get confused without gender roles. Women included!

Lana: ‘ow would you know? ‘ave you ever experience wot it’s like to not ‘ave ‘em?

Clem: Of course not! Everybody participates in gender.

Lemmy: What about transsexuals, man?

Clem: Them more than anybody! Anyone who voluntarily switches gender is recognizing gender as a defining characteristic of their being.

Lemmy: Oh.

Lana: Stay out of it, Lemmy. You’re muddyin’-up the discussion.

Lemmy: What about transvestites, then?

Lana: Transvestites are keenly aware of gender, Lemmy.

Lemmy: No, man, they’re all, like, confused and stuff.

Lana: You’re all, like, confused and stuff.

Clem: Ka-pish!

Lemmy: Huh?

Clem: Rim-shot.

Lemmy: Oh.

Clem: Transvestites are intentionally taking on characteristics that they consider primal to the opposite gender, Lemmy. As Lana says, they’re keenly aware of it.

Lemmy: Stop oppressing the transvestites, man!

Clem: What the hell? Is something seriously wrong with your brain, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Um.

Lana: Seems to me we ‘ad this discussion four years ago.

Clem: And yet, he still hasn’t gotten his brain repaired.

Lana: It’s prolly beyond fixin’.

Maleficus: Perhaps I should eat him to put him out of his misery.

Clem: Yikes! I’d forgotten you were here.

Maleficus: I haven’t moved.

Clem: Have you been sitting there, staring at us and salivating the whole time?

Maleficus: ...Yes.

Clem: See, call me crazy, but I don’t like that.

Maleficus: Inspiring fear and loathing in puny edible humans is what Giant Evil Spiders live for.

Clem: Then you must be happy all the time.

Maleficus: Indeed. Except when losing a football match.

Lana: Speakin’ of which, that’s jus’ wot the Lemmings are doin’ roight now. Seein’ as ‘ow the Weegies jus’ scored a goal.

Clem: Man, that was a quick change of possession.

Maleficus: The puny human Weegies have had possession for several minutes. You were not paying adequate attention to the match.

Lana: Payin’ adequate attention to the match is for nerds an’ losers.

Maleficus: In Dire Arachnia, the children of the losers are devoured, thus preventing loss from entering the gene pool.

Clem: So you’re a nation of winners, eh?

Maleficus: Giant Evil winners, yes.

Lemmy: Hey, did you guys notice there’s a bunch of bugs running around down there?

Maleficus: A clever analogy, edible Lemmy. To me, those puny humans are indeed as insects to a common Regular Spider.

Clem: He wasn’t making an analogy. He really thinks they’re bugs.

Lemmy: Hey! I think they’re playing football! Hee hee!

Maleficus: There is indeed something wrong with his brain.

Lana: ‘ey, since we never broke for Important Messages after the cointoss, June sez we ‘ave to do it now.

Clem: We’ll be right back.
Commerce Heights
08-01-2004, 19:50
OOC: I don't have time to RP matchday 5, but here are the CHC top 32 rankings:
[code:1:c6806718c7]01 Rejistania 3.00
02 Aquilla 3.13
03 The Belmore Family 3.79
04 New Montreal States 3.90
05 Audioslavia 3.91
06 Ravenspire 4.31
07 Squornshelous 4.38
08 NASTIC 2 4.43
09 Oddslavo 4.51
10 Liverpool Englnad 4.93
11 Kaze Progressa 5.01
12 Dennisov 5.02
13 Commerce Heights 5.06
14 The Lowland Clans 5.08
15 Antaeus Rising 5.30
16 Kravoli 5.32
One Red Dot 5.32
18 Kerla 5.35
19 Tanah Burung 5.36
20 Anti-Nazis 5.38
21 Keyshona 5.50
22 Brazillico 5.70
23 Oglethorpia 5.72
24 Snub Nose 38 5.88
25 Lemmitania 5.97
26 Dark Outcasts 6.19
Tranquillitis 6.19
28 Halfassedstates 6.25
29 Lanky dude 6.34
Runaway Moose 6.34
31 Pavesia 6.35
32 Ariddia 6.36
SterlingIce 6.36

Other teams:
35 Bedistan 6.79
36 Iansisle 6.82
37 Eauz 6.88
38 Big Butts 7.05
40 Nikea 7.12
41 Europa Brittania 7.15
49 Cockbill Street 7.72
50 Giant Zucchini 7.84
52 Belmorian Scandinavia 8.17
63 Praying2God 9.76
65 NEWI Cefn Druids 9.80
91 Mattigool 12.80
92 Jeruselem 12.84[/code:1:c6806718c7]
08-01-2004, 20:27

“Braz-chitis” rumors dispelled

After the shocking result of the Brazillico-Ravenspire game, rumors of the apparent bug several Brazillican players had contracted were completely disproven by Dr. Rodrigo Spinola earlier today. “Allegations of this supposed virus eminating from Ebola, SARS, West Nile, a mad evisceratomato or a bad case of syphilis picked up from a whorehouse adjacent to the Brazillican hotel in One Blue Dot are all completely unfounded,” said Dr. Spinola.

“All four players, as well as coach De Jesus,” elaborated Spinola, “complained of headaches, dry mouth, nausea and dehydration when waking up from their Cordova hotel. Likewise, all five patients were sighted the night before at the Romping Frog Pub, and according to bystanders, and I quote "were hammered". With my thirty-seven years of experience in the field of medicine, I’ve come to the conclusion that these players got sh*tfaced and were rewarded with the ensuing hangover.”
Commerce Heights
09-01-2004, 00:37
The Naquada Falls Picayune is incapable of triple-posting. Anyone who thinks otherwise will be executed.
Commerce Heights
09-01-2004, 00:38
Today's issue of the Picayune has been displaced due to rain. It has been moved exactly 1 post down to lower ground to prevent further flooding. Thank you for your cooperation.
Commerce Heights
09-01-2004, 00:39
Top Story Of The Day
Commerce Heights Bulldogs Take Scoreless Draw Against Maniacal Oilers
OILERMANIA - Yesterday, at roughly 18:69 PM, the Commerce Heights Bulldogs scored no goals and allowed no goals when playing at the home stadium of the maniacal oilers of Oilermania. Coach Noel Hicks tried to sign a declaration stating that the game was a scoreless draw, but could not find a pen, and decided to use a nearby cup of Wonderade instead, dipping it into the mud. The players on the bench arm-wrestled while the coach tried to perfect his signature.
When asked his opinion on the game, Hicks said, "The players did an awful job on the field. They'd better make up for it next time." He muttered incoherently, grunted, and said, "Please don't quote me on that."
A few minutes after the game ended, the thousands of spectators cheered happily for the fireants eating away at the Oilermania players. The Oilermanian players' eyes glowed accidentally as they returned to plotting their strategy for world domination.
09-01-2004, 03:57
Note: The article from the newspaper below is from a city in former western Sokojiwa, which has just recently come under Bedistani control. Thus, we apologize for the poor English translation, as Sokojiwa spoke a different language.

The Sun of Rolestu

World cup 11 Positions Placarded

N GROSS UTTERS INSANITY -to that finally, the official classifies for each an of the teams participating in World Cup 11 he qualify he was placarded. The Lions of Bedistan are in Group 6, and the positions of that group are as he follows:

6. The Bedistan
15. Burung of Tanah
23. The Squornshelous
26. The Gesamtkuntswerk
150. The Athamasha
150. Druids of Cefn of NEWI
150. Duais defenders
150. Creedence Clearwater

Like this, while the Lions fell lightly of their previous position in the world, they did not go well so distant how much originally they thought. However, their performance so far away went not that of a team 6th-ranked, as they fell both opponents classified so far and alone beaten the three some of unranked.

We will continue to bring World cover of Cup as comes.

[OOC: This was done by using an online translation service to convert my post to Portuguese and then back to English. It looks garbled enough to me. :P]
09-01-2004, 03:57
The Sun of Rolestu excuses himself for the double pole. ;)
Total n Utter Insanity
09-01-2004, 04:37
Match Day 6 (
09-01-2004, 05:28
We creamed Audioslavia and kept our run intact. One player said "WE ROCK!" while the rest shushed him up for not giving proper thanks to God which they did in short order.
Total n Utter Insanity
09-01-2004, 06:13
Alarming trend in Total n Utter Insanity

Errinundrian Engineered Evisceratomatoes are being secretly grown and used in the manufacture of the illegal narcotic known as Extrasee. This drug gives users a blissful buzz as well as nightvision. Due to the severe lack of law enforcers and law enforcement in TnUI use of Extrasee has skyrocketed. TnUI has become the capital of Extrasee, illegally exporting Worldwide.

TnUI Street price: 5-10 Meeps/Kilo ($2,837-$5,673)
09-01-2004, 07:04
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Disappointing draw
Dark Outcasts stays nil-nil with the Wonderteam

By Bill Christmas

DARK OUTCASTS (BT) -- In a match that offered a possible jostling of the standings within group 2, Oglethorpia would face Dark Outcasts -- sitting in 2nd, the Wonderteam behind them -- Dark Outcasts trailing a dominating side from NASTIC 2.

Neither side, however would concede in a match to determine the 2nd and 3rd spots in group two, Ken'Ichi Yamamoto at the peak of his game in the Wonderteam goal.

Adversely, Oglethorpia's 3-man offense led by striker Torrence Black and augmented by forwards Kirk Calhoun and Jorge White produced no goals -- an early one in the 10th called offsides.

"Torrence did it again," said Picciotto unhappily as the Wonderteam squad lost any pep it might've gained from the small triumph in the null-and-voided goal.

To the half the match would go with both sides having two goals ruled offsides.

Early in the second half Butch Beige tackled a Dark Outcasts forward as he tried to cross to one running before Yamamoto-san; the paticularly rough slide tackle was ruled a red cart, and Butch was sent off. Despite playing with only 10 players and a 2-man backfield [apart from Yamamoto-san] Oglethorpia saw the match to it's fulltime with a nil-nil draw.

"I don't like draws," said Torrence Black following the match, "but we'll gladly take it over a loss."

With their 3-2-1 record, Oglethorpia languishes in 3rd behind Dark Outcasts. Said Picciotto, "the Wonderteam needs to bring up some wins if they plan on qualifying," with a twinge of impatience. The Wonderteam is 5 points out of 1st, and out of 2nd on GD -- and a few wins couldn't hurt.

Said team captain Fernando Green, "we're playing good defense -- compared to WC4 when it was god awful. Now we just need to start playing offense."

Torrence Black refused to comment on his playing.


(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 0
Dark Outcasts - 0


Now we've got our magic bus
Too much? Not this magic bus

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Mike Fuschia, Parliament bureaucrat and now appointed Financial Manager of the Oglethorpian Wonderteam international football side engaged in some of the best wheeling and dealing Oglethorpia's ever had the fortune of seeing. Picture a haggard old man dressed in a worn jacket and tattered pants, a man going by the name of 'ete 'ownshed. 'ownshed lives in, well -- a shed -- but owns a fine Amalgamated Motors Quadrorover 3000 bus -- which he affectionately calls the 'Magic Bus.'

After speaking with both Futebol Director McDouglas and coach Guy Picciotto in length, with passionate shouts of 'too much, too much,' Parliament bureaucrat and now Wonderteam Financial Manager Mike Fuschia declared triumphantly: "I'll buy it, i'll buy it."

"Okay," said 'ownshed, playing Fuschia's game, "you can have the magic bus. For 1 hundred! English pounds."
"Ohh." Pause. "Too much," said Fuschia.
"Give me a hundred!" said 'ownshend."
"95 [Amazing Credits]."
"I won't take under," 'ete said.
"It's a bus age wonder," 'ete declared.

Conferring with team captain Fernando Green, who wisely pointed out 100 Amazing Credits is next to nothing for a bus -- especially a magic one, a wonder of the bus age, Mike Fuschia sprang at the chance.

After the exchange of 100 Amazing Credits and the delivery of the bus to the Association of Futebol/Football, Mike Fuschia proudly declared to McDouglas, Picciotto and the Wonderteam that "now we've got our magic bus." Blame Oglethorpia's poor preformance on what you may -- the same curse that afflicted Tanah Burung, a so called 'faulty formula' or just plain bad footballmanship -- but analysts are quick to say that traveling around in the Wonderteam's Magic Bus may very well just may be needed to bring the Oglethorpian team's preformance back up to par.

"The Wonderteam better play well, traveling in the Magic Bus," said coach Picciotto.

"Damn superstitious people, wasting money on buses that claim to be magic," said a passing Oglethorpian.

"Whatever it takes," said an avid Wonderteam fan with a Torrence Black jersey on. "Whatever it takes."
09-01-2004, 07:32
Jim Anderson (JA): Good day to you sports fans. I'm Jim Anderson. Alongside me is Bill Carter. How are you doing today Bill?

Bill Carter (BC): Well Jim, I'm a little hung over from the celebration we had for our soccer team last night, so you'll need to run the show today.

JA: Consider it done, Bill. Our victorious team returned home today to play their first match after earning their first ever World Cup victory. Jennifer Johnson will tell us if they managed to make it two in a row today.

Jennifer Johnson (JJ): I'm sorry, Jim, but our team couldn't quite pull it out today against The Lowland Clans. They played a solid game, but couldn't overcome a mistake they paid for in the seventh minute, and lost 0-1. They seem to be a better road team than a home team, which is quite unusual. TLC got their goal when James Dobson turned the ball over in his own box and Joshua Harris couldn't get over in time to keep the ball out of the net. After that Praying2God dominated the game, but couldn't manage to score the equalizer. Their one consolation is that they get to play at Beestings next, who are in last place having failed to score a point so far. Let's hear what Head Coach Jesus Christ had to say after the game.

Jesus Christ (JC): We played a solid game today. Again our lack of offense came back to haunt us. We knew it would be tough to score against the veteran defenses that we were going to face, but I didn't even think that it would be this tough. We'll keep working on our shooting and try to start finishing our chances, especially during the second time through our group.

Anonymous Reporter: What do you expect of your next match against Beestings?

JC: They're playing a lot better than people give them credit for. They're another rookie team that's having problems scoring. It should be a close game.

JJ: That's all from here. Let's send it back to the studio.

JA: Bill's estimation of how our team will do even seems to be tough to get right now, and mine in just about to be proven wrong. We both learned from this, and I hope all of you learned the same lesson: NEVER try to predict how your team is going to do in the World Cup, because you'll almost certainly be wrong by a good bit.

BC: Can you say "I told you so," Jim?

JA: Shut up Bill. (punches him, and a fight ensues, the camera shuts off before the fight is over though, so we'll never know who won)

Praying2God 0
The Lowland Clans 1 (<player> 7)
09-01-2004, 07:44
(OOC: Bad forums mean limited time. :? )

Back on Top
Ravens Lead Group Following Sixth Matchday

Cordova, Brazillico -- Ravenspire's national team played a depleted Brazillican side today and came away the winners, vaulting past rivals Kaze Progressa -- who drew in their own match -- to take the top position among group five.

Going into the match, many analysts were concerned about Brazillico's 2-4-4 formation, which lends itself to an enveloping defense. The Ravens' offense, though much improved in recent years, is still widely considered a weak point, and earlier matches, aside from the 5-0 rout against Belarussian States, seemed to suggest that that opinion was firmly grounded in reality. However, the traditional 4-2-4 employed by coach Zhen Sui-Ling proved capable of outmaneuvering the Chili Bats, who, lacking five of their usual starters, appeared slightly disoriented through much of the first half.

Even so, a lesser team might have been unable to take advantage of the small errors and hesitations the drastically-changed lineup provided. The Brazillicans deflected an early attack spearheaded by Hikari Kitsu and Seth Black, and substitute striker Trevors managed to carry the ball back to Ravenspire's defense line before Alex Wylde reclaimed possession. A second thrust was turned aside before the black and crimson found themselves in scoring position. Star striker Kaede Kitsuki beat substitute keeper al-Cobai to earn the Ravens' first goal.

A second goal came late in the half, when an attempt by Black was deflected to the side of the post by defender Palacio. Kitsuki fielded the corner, heading the ball to Crystal Delamber, whose shot bounced off the bar and into the net.

With the half break, the Brazillican side seemed to have collected itself. From the beginning, they mounted a strong offense, repeatedly trying to get a goal through. Fox Lee and Alex Wylde, as the Ravens' veteran defenders, had their work cut out for them, battling one Brazillican advance after another; for the first fifteen minutes of the half, the ball didn't leave the Ravenspire side of the pitch, though not for lack of trying.

The Brazillicans' best chance came when new defender Alex Te missed a pass, sending the ball straight to Brazillican striker Pepe. The resulting shot was placed just out of Autumn Mistmarch's reach, but the goal was disallowed on an offside call. The Chili Bats were understandably disappointed by the call, and the Ravens took advantage of the dip in morale to make their first real offensive of the half. After battling for possession on the Brazillican side of the pitch for ten minutes, striker Hikari Kitsu broke free of the crowd and slammed a 20-meter goal high into the net, apparently having taken the substitute keeper by surprise.

This was to be the last goal of the match; the remaining twenty-minutes-plus saw several attempts thwarted by either side's defenders. Finally, time ran out, leaving the score 3-0.

"Maybe they'll rethink their stance on women playing football," Delamber commented, referencing the fact that all three Ravens goals were scored by female strikers. "It was a good match, though. I look forward to facing their full starting lineup in Sargard on [match]day 13." Zhen Sui-Ling was not available for comment.
09-01-2004, 07:55

Substitutes defeat Peter Panarchy
The match against Peter Panarchy in the Hanin Sekhika stadium ended in as a remarkable 2-0 victory. Remarkable because the starters in this match were the substitutes listed in the roster. Many fans boohed when they saw that, but that changed after a few minutes (perhaps it was only because many substitutes normally play in Hades Lavamje, which is the biggest rival of Hanin Sekhika). The line-up was:
N. Daki
I. Iles, S. Kansu, L. Ijanhi, X. Tyru
M. Ijen, E. Sines, H. Kansu, S. Rajin
M. Koleni, J. Y

The first big chance for the Orange-Blues was in the 3rd minute, when a long shot from Jen Y only hit the crossbar. Also after this shot, the Rejistanians had many good chances, but the players were a bit too inexperienced to capitalise them. In the 38th minute, after several 100% chances, Mata Koleni scored his second goal in an international match (if anyone wonders when he archieved the first goal: it was in the 'match of substitutes' against Senoj). The defense from Peter Panarchy didn't look good there, they were outsmarted much too easy. The half-time result was 1-0 for the Orange-Blues.

The second half started as the first ended: The Orange-Blues dominated the match, more than 70% of the match happen in the Peter Panarchian half, but they failed to capitalise their numerous chances. It was perhaps typical, that the second goal was scored unintentionally. In the 85th minute, Koleni'he wanted to shoot to Su Rajin, the ball sailed past him, hit Y'he and sailed into the goal. Jen Y looked as surprised as the Peter Panarchian keeper as this happened.

The Orange-Blues are currently one of the two teams, that are not just undefeated, but also didn't draw. But this can change, when they face the established team of One Red Dot in an away-game. The staff of the KaMaRi Update wishes them good luck for this match.

The result:
Rejistania: 2 (Koleni 38th, Y 85th)
Peter Panarchy: 0
Liverpool England
09-01-2004, 10:07
Iansisle 0 Liverpool England 1
Att 34118
Scorers: Dominique Dirosa 38 pen.
Sent off: Mark Hearne 64 (handball outside area), Dominique Dirosa 89 (2 Yellow Cards)

As Liverpool England geared themselves up for a trip to Iansisle, they faced challenges like armed borderguards at gunpoint, but succeded in making it into Iansisle, where they managed to pull off an unconvincing 1-0 victory, going down to nine men after goalkeeper Mark Hearne and scorer of goal Dominique Dirosa were sent off for handballing and two yellow possibly facing a further two-match ban.
East Spaam
09-01-2004, 10:22
Eastinternational daily paper Spaam

OstSpaam continued its profit ways, by defeating the new Montrealzustaende yesterday evening
in Rivertown. Playing against the basket Ville Maire, counted the OstSpaamanians owing to a
goal early impact equipment Elmo No. 1 and handhad of closing the away crew out for the
remainder from then to to fit. Divides the profit means OstSpaam now the line of the group
with the new Montrealzustaenden, after only on goal difference. OstSpaam plays the tree
mountains first.

OOC: Good idea Bedistan ;) This is from German to back :P
Liverpool England
09-01-2004, 10:26
(OOC: And here's my above report to Spanish and back.)
Liverpool England Spanish-English Daily Sports
Iansisle 0 Liverpool England 1
Att 34118
Scorers: Penalty of Dominique Dirosa 38.
Dull envoy: Hearne 64 marks (handball outside the area), Dominique Dirosa (2 89 yellow cards)
Then Liverpool England was geared for above for a trip to Iansisle, faced challenges like borderguards armed in gunpoint, but succeded in the manufacture of him in Iansisle, where they handled to clear a little convincing victory 1-0, going down to nine men after the Hearne mark of the doorman and scorer of the goal Dominique Dirosa was sent extinguished for handballing and two yellows possibly facing to another interdiction of two-phosphorus.

(OOC: And, Italian now, but with more sense...)
Iansisle 0 Liverpool England 1
Att 34118
Scorers: Penalty of Dominique Dirosa 38.
Transmitted outside: Marks Hearne 64 (handball outside of zone), Dominique Dirosa 89 (2 yellow cards)
Poichè Liverpool England has been grafted in on for a travel to Iansisle, has faced the fortified challenges like the borderguards to the gunpoint, but succeded in transforming it Iansisle, where they are successful to detach a Victoria unconvincing 1-0, andante down to nine men after the Hearne mark of goalkeeper and the scorer of the objective Dominique Dirosa has been transmitted outside for handballing and two yellows possibly facing an ulterior prohibition of the two-match.

(OOC... Guess what... English-German)
Englisch-Deutsch Paper

Iansisle 0 Liverpool England 1
Att 34118
Scorers: Dominique Dirosa 38 punishment
away sent: Mark it Hearne 64 (hand ball outside of the range), Dominique Dirosa 89 (2 yellow maps)
there Liverpool England itself above for journey to Iansisle translated, confronted it challenges as armed borderguards to force of arms, but succeded, if they formed it in Iansisle, in which they handhad, for one unconvincing victory 1-0 to down-tighten and down to nine men to goal keeper Hearne went to marking and the goal Dominique Dirosa became more scorer away a further two-same prohibition for the Handballing and two yellow sent perhaps, confronting.
09-01-2004, 10:52
From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Confused Counters Confounded by Crowd!
Underministry of Sports, Games, and Recreation finds itself under scrutiny from local Fire Marshal

Jamie C. Peters
SuperIans Correspondent

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- As a disappointed fans filed out of the Westergate Football Grounds, they never realized the intense maelstrom of debate that would soon descend upon their team and its administrative joints.

After the game, a source in Liverpool, England identified the crowd totals at 34,118. The official Underministry of Sports, Games, and Recreation report tallied only 28,566. According to local fire statutes, Westergate Football Grounds’ maximum possible occupancy is 29,833.

Westergate’s fire marshal, one Carlton Smith, was on the scene at once to investigate any possible wrongdoing. “You can’t be too careful at sporting events like this,” he said at a press conference. “With emotions running high, some one could knock over a candle or start a stampede at any moment, and then where’d you be? A right disaster, that’s where!”

Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick, the Underminister for Sports, Games, and Recreation, was quick to deny any allegations of wrong-doing. “Preposterous!” he snorted from his office in the basement of #3 Jameston Place. “Why, we have people working all the gates for this very reason!” Turning to his assistant, Penns-McCormick added quietly, as if I were no longer there, “See, what’d I tell you? Football’s nothing but trouble!”

While the conflicting attendance reports have stolen much of the attention regarding the match, Coach David Westmore said that he was “very disappointed by the outcome.”

Westmore took the stage outside of Westergate after the game, clearly in a rage. “I shudder to think of what things have come to in the world of football after that match. We clearly played better than Liverpool England at every stage, and still came away with nothing. I was in an absolute rage when they called back John (Copplestone)’s goal in the thirty second minute - what was that? - and then turned about and gave them a penalty shot for no reason at all. Shoddy eyes, that’s what the ref’s had - that, or paid off eyes!. I intend to talk with Sir Gregory at once, who’ll demand that we be given the full three points by the WCC, that is, if I don’t go demand my honor be satisfied by that bandit team’s coach!”

However, Westmore’s allegations of paid off officials and unofficial duel challenge to the Liverpool coach came to little, as the short former-midfielder was witnessed to go into the SuperIans’ locker and destroy everything that wasn’t nailed down. His antics also vanished in the continuing speculation over the attendance reports.

Smith announced just before press time that he intended to close Westergate Football Grounds until the matter can be fully investigated. Until its reopening, all home SuperIans matches will be played at Fischer Memorial Stadium in Upper Mansford. Fischer is significantly smaller than Westergate, seating only about 18,000 fans.

“I know this will be an inconvenience to the Underministy,” said Fire Marshall Smith, “but until we can certify that fans will be safe in Westergate, it’s a move that has to be made.”
One Red Dot
09-01-2004, 11:30
Please forgive me for the almost lack of RPing. I have been extremely busy and my computer is giving me really very weird problems. Thanks.
09-01-2004, 12:45
Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders win battle of cellar dwellers

In group 1, the Jeruselem Crusaders scored their first points of the World Cup XI. A hard fought win over the Avenging Altos, and the score was yes, 1-0.

In the first half, both teams simply did not get good chances on goal and the keepers did not have much trouble dealing with inaccurate shooting. Diego Forlan bungled a good scoring chance firing over the bar from 10 metres in the 30th minute.

David Becks earned a free kick in the 2nd half and blasted past the surprised keeper in the 67 minute. After that the defense held off an erratic and inaccurate Altos whose passing at the critical moments was disappointing.

The Crusaders sit 2nd last in Group I with Altos last on a very bad goal difference.
NEWI Cefn Druids
09-01-2004, 13:53

Trevor Askew reports from Tanah Burung on Tanah Burung 4 NEWI Cefn Druids 0

Was it just an off day? Did the recent events concerning Björn-Trevor Frederiksson mean that the team had other things on their minds? Or are they just lose to a much more superior team? Coach Trevor Stevens felt that the explanation for this thrashing was a combination of these, but stressed that days like this can help make the team stronger.

This was the Druids first defeat in four games, though they are still looking for that elusive first win. However, they were never going to find it here.

Right from the off, the Druids looked out of touch and disinterested. With an unchanged line-up from the goalless encounter with Gesamtkuntswerk, the Druids looked tired and jaded. The opening goal came as early as the fourth minute, when Zachary Alkatiri got to the by-line and crossed the ball in to an unmarked Maria Miskita, who easily slotted the ball past Trevor Allinson.

The second came on 23 minutes, when Trevor Rhyds hacked down Taur Matan Ruak, who had been put through on goal by Alkatiri. Rhyds was sent off, while the follow up free-kick was sublimely curled into the top left hand corner of the net by Alkatiri past a hapless Allinson.

The sending off caused Stevens into a change, taking Yvan Trevor off and replacing him with Trevor Yates. But the change could not halt the slide. On 38 minutes, another Alkatiri cross was dispatched into the top of the net by Ruak, while the Druids defence were looking round at each other as if they were lost.

By half time, the Druids were lucky not to be five down. First of all, a long ball from Klaus de Groot found its way to Ruak, who again found himself through on goal, but smashed his effort against the bar, then an Alkatiri cross was badly blocked by Yates, who forced his own keeper into a fine save at full stretch.

In the second half, Tanah Burung took their foot of the pedal, but still managed to create chances against a lacklustre Druids effort. A long range effort from Kareta Api flew inches wide of Allinson’s right post on 56 minutes, while the said post was hit by a similar effort from Canabe Livit.

It was the eighteen-year old Miskita who had the final say in the match, as, with two minutes remaining, she took on three Druids defenders and finished with a deadly and accurate shot from the edge of the penalty area that sealed an easy win for the Crocodiles.

Final Score
Tanah Burung 4 ( Miskita 2, 88, Altakiri 23, Ruak 38 )
NEWI Cefn Druids 0 ( Rhyds sent off 23 )


Tanah Burung: ( 4-4-2 ) Konis; Nazir, de Groot, Horta, Rumbiak; Livit, Gelap, Api, Alkatiri; Miskita, Ruak.

NEWI Cefn Druids: ( 4-5-1 ) Allinson; Kallins, Rhyds, Lanton ( Seaton 62 ), Pearson; Simpson, Lee, Trevor ( Yates 25 ), Welsh, James; Greaves ( Mbaka 62 ).

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

David Rhys-Jones reports from Parkville

The charges against Bessburg and NEWI Cefn Druids striker Björn-Trevor Frederiksson were made worse today, as the now include the much more serious offence of Frederiksson throwing a pie at fan Alexis de Trevor.

Though it may look innocuous enough to the outside world, throwing a pie at someone in NEWI Cefn Druids is more serious an offence than an assault. If found guilty of a pying, the sentence received can be up to fifteen years in prison, meaning that the youngster would be all but finished in football.

However, the defence for Frederiksson seems strong, as there is likely to be numerous witnesses who can account for his whereabouts at the time of the alleged attack. National coach Trevor Stevens said of the matter, “We are sure that Björn is innocent, and we will do all we can to help him. As his defence is strengthening by the day, he will be named in the squad to face Dual Supporters in our next match.”
09-01-2004, 14:13
Sowhatsville News

Jennung finally beaten, but Gunnet extends Halfassed unbeaten run.

Finally the WC qualification run spraked into life at the Glade last night. After 5 games that included 3 nil-nil draws and two 2-0 victories, yesterday saw Halfassed take on Defari. Once again, the match seemed to be a defenders pardise. Both sides showed a severe lack of ideas, and on the rare occasion that there was actually a goal scoring opportunity, it was wasted. Gunnet blasted wide when clean through. Sherwood, still looking for his first goal, chipped the keeper, but watched in anguish as the ball hit the top of the crossbar and wnet over. Defari also had thier moments. Jennung tipped a overhead kick onto the bar, while Ducks once again proved her worth with a block after Jennungs save had dropped at the feet of the defari captain.

With 75 minutes gone,we seemed to be heading for another 0-0, but we were treated to a moment of inspiration. The Defari captain played aquick 1-2 that took both Wall and Riddle out of the game. He advanced into the box and as Ducks came across, he calmly slid the ball left to the unmarked striker, who blasted the ball beyond Jennung. The first goal conceeded by Halfassed in over 525 minutes of football.

Immediately, Jarvis Smith made a change, taking off Wall and bringing on Mark Time, changing to a 3-4-3 line-up. This almost backfired, when Jennung had to pull off a brilliant reaction save to deny Defari a 2nd moment later.

With just 5 minutes left, Halfassed finally got the break they needed. The Defari full back slipped as Sherwood tried to cut inside. This extra couple of seconds allowed Sherwood to send over an inch perfect cross the Gunnet met at full plet. The keeper may claim to have seen the header, but no-one else in the stadium did until it was nestling in the bottom of the net! 1-1.

That was how it stayed, and Defari remain ahead of Halfassed, but only on GD. With Kingford and CH both winning, the group now looks like this;
Group 9
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights 6 4 2 0 9 1 8 14
Kingsford 6 3 2 1 7 4 3 11
Defari 6 3 1 2 11 4 7 10
Halfassedstates 6 2 4 0 5 1 4 10
Monkwearmouth 6 2 1 3 11 10 1 7
Western pie makers 6 2 0 4 2 7 -5 6
Oilermania 6 1 1 4 4 10 -6 4
EL CID THE HERO 6 1 1 4 2 14 -12 4
Next up for Halfassed, the only team we haven't met yet, Monkwearmouth.
09-01-2004, 14:37
Another Win Brings another Tie

Les Bleus came home from a road victory, and continued where they started during the last game. The defence once again came through with another wonderful game, and the Goal Tender stopped 25 shots in a win against Keyshona. The only goal scored was during the 32nd minute of the match, but the scorer was banned for one game for acting like an idiot after the goal. The coach was upset with the decision, and said: "What is up with that? When I used to play, we would drink hard alchool if we scored. Now we can't act like idiots? What is the matter with this game?" The Home victory, brings Les Bleus up to a tie for first place at the moment with Keyshona, with 11 points each. Les Bleus would like to congratulate Jeruselem for their first win in the Qualification match.

[code:1:4b2a0baf0d]Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Keyshona 6 3 2 1 5 1 4 11
Eauz 6 3 2 1 6 3 3 11
Lemmitania 6 2 4 0 9 3 6 10
The Weegies 6 2 4 0 6 4 2 10
Sliponia 6 2 2 2 7 6 1 8
Busby 6 1 5 0 6 5 1 8
Jeruselem 6 1 0 5 2 6 -4 3
Avenging Altos 6 0 1 5 2 15 -13 1

Match 1 : Eauz @ The Weegies T 0 - 0
Match 2 : Busby @ Eauz T 1 - 1
Match 3 : Jeruselem @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 4 : Lemmitania @ Eauz L 2 - 0
Match 5 : Eauz@ Avenging Altos W 3 - 0
Match 6 : Keyshona @ Eauz W 0 - 1
Match 7 : Eauz @ Sliponia
Match 8 : The Weegies @ Eauz
Match 9 : Eauz @ Busby
Match 10 : Eauz @ Jeruselem
Match 11 : Eauz @ Lemmitania
Match 12 : Avenging Altos @ Eauz
Match 13 : Eauz @ Keyshona
Match 14 : Sliponia @ Eauz
09-01-2004, 14:39
09-01-2004, 14:59

Doing well Eauz. At least we got 1 win.
09-01-2004, 15:46
Due to a recent upsurge in irregular betting patterns, the HGC (Halfassed Gambling Commission) have announced that they are no-long taking bets on Halfassed's qualification (or more specifically the lack there of) for WC XI.
The HGC WC XI predictions

Top 2 in each group
1. Lemmitania + Eauz 13/2
2. Nastic 2 + Svecia 10/1
3. Dennisov + Snub Nose 38 6/1
4. Rejistania + One Red Dot 2/1
5. Ravenspire + Brazillico 5/1
6. Squornshelous + Bedistan 7/1
7. Runaway Moose + Europa Brittania 7/1
8. New Montreal States + Nikea 12/1
9. Commercial Heights + Kingsford 4/1
10. Liverpool England + The Lowland Clans 6/1
11. Aquilla + Audioslavia 4/1
12. The Belmore Family + Kerla 8/1

Top overall qualifiers:
Dennisov and Rejistania 2/1

Unbeaten throughout qualifiers:
2/1 Dennisov, Liverpool England, Lemmitania
3/1 The Belmore Family, Rejistania
4/1 Ravenspire, Runaway Moose, Aquilla
5/1 Squornshelous, Tanah Burung
6/1 One Red Dot, Arridia
7/1 The Weegies, Nastic 2, Oddslavo
10/1 Kravoli, Antaeus Rising, The Lowland Clans
12/1 Halfassedstates, Anti-Nazis
The Lowland Clans
09-01-2004, 16:21
ASNN - Defense Blunders Costs Newcomer Game
Pat McKinlay, Sports

GRAHAM CITY - The Stars today visited the newcomers to the World Cup, Praying2God. Many in the sports world expected an easy win today, but were pleasently surprised by the novel resistance of the newcomers.

"They put up some novel resistance, and seeing their television broadcasts made me laugh quite a bit. I guess they didn't realize they were playing against are defensive squad." said Captain Mark Jeremy, who was the only regular starter who played in todays game.

"They put up a fight, which is more than I can say for some of the other countries in this tournament. As for next weeks game against Anti-Nazis, I can say I'm cautionary but confident," said Manager Lord Mackintosh to the press after the game, "The home turf advantage will be one of our greatest when we play them. Our experience and confidence should also aid in the last of the qualifiers next week."

The game started out fast, withe Star fullbacks pressing on the Praying2God defense, and the constant pressure caused a slip up in their defense, which captain Jeremy capitalized on quickly. After instructions from Mackintosh, the rest of the Stars laid off on the obviously overclassed team, and were content to sit back and play defense for the rest of the game.

TLC Stars 1 - 0 Praying2God
Jeremy (7)
09-01-2004, 17:30
Hello and welcome to WC round-up, I'm Ally Mack, and with me to-day is Halfassed's record goal scorer, William Wallace. It's a pleasure to have you here Will.

WW: It's great to be here Ally.

AM: So what do you think of this qualification tournament so far then?

WW: Well, from Halfassed perspective its been a poor start. While they are unbeaten, they've been dropping points all over the place, and there seems to be a severe lack of goals.

AM: Yes, it has become a problem, Gunnet has scored all 5 in this campaign, and only he and Lecter in the squad have ever scored internationally!

WW: Amazing that isn't it. I still think there is a chance for Halfassed, but they need to finish off the smaller teams and get something from the matches against Kingford and Commercial Heights!

AM: Yep, a quick look at the table shows CH with a nice 3 point cushion over Kingsford, with overselves and Defari a further point back.

Group 9
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights 6 4 2 0 9 1 8 14
Kingsford 6 3 2 1 7 4 3 11
Defari 6 3 1 2 11 4 7 10
Halfassedstates 6 2 4 0 5 1 4 10
Monkwearmouth 6 2 1 3 11 10 1 7
Western pie makers 6 2 0 4 2 7 -5 6
Oilermania 6 1 1 4 4 10 -6 4
EL CID THE HERO 6 1 1 4 2 14 -12 4

AM: Now if we move on to Group 1, we can see a very tight group.
Group 1
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Keyshona 6 3 2 1 5 1 4 11
Eauz 6 3 2 1 6 3 3 11
Lemmitania 6 2 4 0 9 3 6 10
The Weegies 6 2 4 0 6 4 2 10
Sliponia 6 2 2 2 7 6 1 8
Busby 6 1 5 0 6 5 1 8
Jeruselem 6 1 0 5 2 6 -4 3
Avenging Altos 6 0 1 5 2 15 -13 1
WW: Quite amazing really. Only two teams have dropped off the pace, and the #1 seeded Lemmitania are not having it all their own way at all!

AM: Do you think there could be a shock on the cards here then?

WW: I doubt it, the Lemmitania team should be too strong in the long run, but you never know!

AM: Group 2 sees a shock developing, with Nastic 2 heading the way.
Group 2
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
NASTIC 2 6 5 1 0 11 2 9 16
Dark Outcasts 6 3 2 1 13 4 9 11
Oglethorpia 6 3 2 1 4 1 3 11
Zinkoland 6 3 1 2 7 3 4 10
Svecia 6 2 2 2 5 6 -1 8
Timway 6 2 0 4 6 8 -2 6
Alex The Tall 6 1 1 4 5 16 -11 4
Gmlac 6 0 1 5 2 13 -11 1

WW: Yea, Nastic 2 have been tremendous so far. I really hope they can keep it up.

AM: A bit of a traffic jam behind them, 3 teams separated by a point in the race for 2nd.

WW: It will be close between those three, and you can't forget Svecia back there. They're a good team and i'd expect them to hit form soon.

AM: Group 3 has Dennisov leading the way again.

WW: They are an amazing side, they always do really well in qualifying, I don't see this time being any different.
Group 3
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Dennisov 6 4 2 0 9 1 8 14
Kravoli 6 3 3 0 9 4 5 12
Tranquillitis 6 3 2 1 10 4 6 11
Snub Nose 38 6 3 2 1 5 2 3 11
Belmorian Scandinavia 6 2 2 2 7 6 1 8
East-Germany 6 1 2 3 3 11 -8 5
KOR3A 6 0 3 3 3 6 -3 3
Ravea 6 0 0 6 3 15 -12 0
AM: As we can see, both Dennisov and Kravoli are undefeated, surprisingly, Snub Nose and Belmorian Scandanavia sitting further back.

WW: True but SN38 are only 3 points off the lead, you can't rule them out yet!

AM: Very true. Group 4 now, and this is a much more spreadout group.
Group 4
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Rejistania 6 6 0 0 11 2 9 18
One Red Dot 6 4 2 0 9 1 8 14
Lanky dude 6 3 1 2 9 4 5 10
Giant Zucchini 6 3 1 2 5 4 1 10
Morawny 6 3 1 2 5 7 -2 10
Lubistan 6 1 1 4 4 11 -7 4
Peter Panarchy 6 1 0 5 5 12 -7 3
Shonar Bangla 6 0 0 6 1 8 -7 0
WW: Indeed Ally. Rejistania one of only two sides with a 100% record at this stage, and next up they face the other undefeated side in the group, One Red Dot.

AM: Somethings got to give there. Should be a good match.

WW: Indeed, if Rej. win, it would allow any one of three teams close in on ORD in 2nd and almost allow Rej. to coast into the finals!

AM: That would be quite an acheivement at the half-way stage! Group 5 now, [code:1:8409cc89d0]
Group 5
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire 6 4 2 0 11 1 10 14
Kaze Progressa 6 4 1 1 9 2 7 13
Spaam 6 3 1 2 5 3 2 10
Brazillico 6 3 1 2 7 6 1 10
One Blue Dot 6 2 2 2 6 6 0 8
Exetonia 6 1 3 2 4 7 -3 6
Dead Man 6 1 1 4 4 9 -5 4
Belarussian States 6 0 1 5 4 16 -12 1

WW: An interesting one here Ally. Ravenspire heading the way with Kaze Progressa close behind in 2nd. After that we have to footballing greats, Spaam and Brazillico. Spaam were one of the best teams I ever faced, and Brazillico are the one side i always wished I could have played. I am delighted to have them back in the cup after their domestic troubles and I really hope that they can continue and maybe even sneak into the finals.

AM: We'll have to wait and see Will. Group 6 sees another couple of Halfassed's former foes competeing at the top,
Group 6
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Tanah Burung 6 4 2 0 9 1 8 14
Squornshelous 6 4 2 0 6 0 6 14
Bedistan 6 4 0 2 9 2 7 12
Gesamtkuntswerk 6 3 2 1 8 2 6 11
Dual supporters 6 0 4 2 4 10 -6 4
Creedence Clearwater 6 0 3 3 3 9 -6 3
NEWI Cefn Druids 6 0 3 3 3 12 -9 3
Athamasha 6 0 2 4 4 10 -6 2

WW: This is probably the most open and shut case of the new teams being out of their depth. The top 4 are well clear and I have a sneaking suspicion that any side who slips up against the bottom 4 will lose out on the chance of qualifying.

AM: Moving on to Group 7 then.
Group 7
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose 6 3 3 0 9 3 6 12
Antaeus Rising 6 3 3 0 5 0 5 12
Europa Brittania 6 3 2 1 8 3 5 11
SterlingIce 6 3 2 1 6 3 3 11
Akbarland 6 2 2 2 6 5 1 8
Stella and E 6 2 0 4 2 9 -7 6
Newcuba 6 1 1 4 3 7 -4 4
Eaglet 6 0 1 5 0 9 -9 1

WW: Another close one here. Four teams within a point of each other, and Akbarland lurking in mid-table. I feel Runaway Moose and Europa Britannia should make it, though Antaeus Rising will have a big say in things. Sterling Ice have done well so far, but I'm not sure how well they'll cope with the pressure as it heads towards the crunch games.

AM: Another shock in Group 8
Group 8
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
New Montreal States 6 4 1 1 8 2 6 13
East Spaam 6 4 1 1 5 1 4 13
Nikea 6 4 0 2 7 2 5 12
Ariddia 6 2 4 0 4 1 3 10
Tony mag 6 2 1 3 5 6 -1 7
Belmorian Foxworthia 6 2 0 4 6 8 -2 6
Zeronia 6 1 1 4 1 9 -8 4
The Tree Mountains 6 0 2 4 1 8 -7 2

WW : Yes, New Montreal States and East Spamm out in front, with Nikea and Ariddia heading the chase.

AM: you think they can hang on?

WW: Unfortunatly I think that NMS will slip up, and it could come down to the game between ES and Arridia

AM: We've already had a look at group 9, so on to 10.
Group 10
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Liverpool England 6 4 2 0 10 0 10 14
Anti-Nazis 6 4 2 0 8 0 8 14
The Lowland Clans 6 4 2 0 7 2 5 14
Iansisle 6 2 2 2 5 3 2 8
Cockbill Street 6 2 2 2 5 4 1 8
Pablicosta 6 1 1 4 4 7 -3 4
Praying2God 6 1 1 4 2 9 -7 4
Beestings 6 0 0 6 2 18 -16 0

WW: Ex-champs Liverpool England head a three-way tie at the top. Anti-Nazis and The Lowland Clans with them all the way so far. I think LE should win it.

AM: Group 11
Group 11
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Aquilla 6 6 0 0 14 0 14 18
Oddslavo 6 4 2 0 7 2 5 14
Audioslavia 6 4 1 1 8 2 6 13
Big Butts 6 2 3 1 6 5 1 9
Artemisia Absentia 6 2 1 3 4 6 -2 7
Ice Reavers 6 1 1 4 4 8 -4 4
Lynnwoode 6 1 0 5 4 12 -8 3
Mattigool 6 0 0 6 3 15 -12 0

WW: Aquilla the other undefeated side in the qualification rounds so far. I think they'll win the group, though I'm not sure who will be second Oddslavo and Audioslavia are both good sides.

AM: And last but not least, group 12
Group 12
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
The Belmore Family 6 5 1 0 8 0 8 16
Kerla 6 5 0 1 13 5 8 15
Pavesia 6 3 1 2 7 6 1 10
Blood Devourers 6 2 1 3 8 9 -1 7
God Squad 6 2 1 3 6 8 -2 7
Vozvyshennost 6 1 2 3 4 8 -4 5
Ptolomy 6 1 1 4 4 8 -4 4
Cermania 6 1 1 4 2 8 -6 4
WW: Quite a shock here, everyone expected TBF to walk what is to be honest a fairly easy group, but the surprise as been Kerla who are hanging in there well and could well be heading for qualification to the finals.

AM: It is developing into an interesting qualification. who knows what'll happen next?!

WW: Not me!

AM: Well thats all we have time for tonight. Thanks very much Will.

WW: Thank you Ally. Goodnight folks

AM: Goodnight
The Belmore Family
09-01-2004, 19:59
TBF to play 100th match with Classic Side

Yes, that's right, your golden oldies will be playing in the WC11 qualification game in respect of TBF's marvellous achievement of their 100th match. Though their is contovesy over where the match will be played it is expected to be a stunning game with the best quality of the last 22 years on showcase. Here is the Line Up:

1. Edwards
2. Gordan Sumas
3. Wickersham
4. Ghandi
5. Belmore (Alec)
6. Dunner
7. Parkinson
8. Goshawk
9. Price
10. Belmore (Alan)
11. Smith

Belmore (Fimion)

See you there...
The Belmore Family
09-01-2004, 20:09
BFA beg WCC for change in sheduale

The Belmorian Football Assocciation has begged for the World Cup Committee to swith Matchday 8 and 9 so the 100th Belmorian World Cup Match does not have to play at the undead (ooc:ex-nation) of Ptolomy. The Belmorian Football assocciation has argued that it is disrespectful of the WCC to but the Belmorians up against the Vampires (or Zomphires) in such a special game. They also argue that it would be a tribute to the Belmorian loyalty to have this match as a home game to such allies. It is currenlty unsure whether the Belmorian government will boycot the Ptolomy match should the Group 13 shedule not be changed.

OOC: Please, none of the others do RP........
The Belmore Family
09-01-2004, 20:29
Solid defence proves vital in TBF victory again

The Belmorian defence has stayed rock solid for the 6th game in the row as TBF won 1-0 at home to Pavasia. Fimion Belmore was the scorer as he lashed onto a well timed Free-Kick in the second half.

The first half was a fairly equal afair with possesion being 57 to 43 percent in the Belmorian favour. The best oppertunity of the half fell to Smith who was just inches away from tapping in a great low cross from Price. At the other end of the pitch <player 9> came very close for Pavasia when his defelected shot just went over the bar.

As the teams came out for the second half Pavasia were fired up and ready to go and straight from the whistle <player 11> had a great shot just blocked by the hand of Pini. But eventually the goal came for TBF, much against the run of play, when Belmore collected Prices through pass leaving an easy top hand corner strike. So then TBF rode several storms keeping out all Pavasia's many chances.

Belmore (59)

09-01-2004, 21:11
The Bureaucratic Tribune

Mad evisceratomatoes discovered!
FD&FAA&F labratories quarantine mad evisceratomatoes

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- A recent Consolidated Foods shipment of evisceratomatoes was put through the full round of tests in a Food, Drug and Food Administrative Association and Federation labratory in Megalopolis City -- and what the scientists found was not pleasing at all. In a press release -- well, released the next day, FD&FAA&F Director Mike Stumbles assured all Oglethorpian citizens that none of the evisceratomatoes infected with ESE would have made it onto the market.

"And even if you did eat some of the stuff, it's mighty hard to contract," he said.

After seeing the horrified faces of the press members following the comment, Stumbles hurried out of the room quickly.

"I thought that guy said none of the infected stuff would be on the market," said a mother of 34 in a Consolidated FoodMart. "Now he's saying it might've gotten there? And to think I trusted the FD&FAA&F."

Bureau of Bureaucracy Director David Brown assures citizens that even if there is mad evisceratomato in circulation, the ESE-infected vegetables won't be on the market for months. "Remember bureaucracy, folks?"