NationStates Jolt Archive

The Columbia Times

Record Victory Gives Lions Hope
5-1 trouncing of LordSquall improves qualification chances

MIDWAY -- The Department of Sports and Games gave Bedistan Lions offensive coach Johnny Lewis a raise after the most recent home match against LordSquall. A hat trick from Darren Morlock, as well as two more goals contributed by midfielder Claire Briscoe, led to the Lions scoring five goals in a match for the first time in their 22-year history.

The match seems to be positive proof that Coach Lewis' so-called "Foot to Ass" strategy is working wonders. "The offense wasn't worth a damn for the first half of qualifying," conceded manager Gene Barber. "Now look at 'em. Eleven goals in the last five matches. I couldn't be happier."

LordSquall's loss, coupled with a SterlingIce win, allowed the latter team to move up into fourth place on 22 points. Bedistan still leads SterlingIce by four points, though, and now the Lions only need four points from their last three matches to ensure qualification.

"It's looking good," says top scorer Morlock. "But we've got a big one-two punch up ahead with away matches to Dennisov and Dark Outcasts. I'd say we're almost assured three points from Kerla on matchday 18, though."

It is hoped that Dennisov and Dark Outcasts will be somewhat gentle with the Lions, especially since both teams have already qualified.

[code:1:250e81197d]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E Max
Dennisov (14) 14 13 1 0 30 4 +26 40 Qlf 46
Dark Outcasts (28) 14 9 3 2 20 6 +14 30 Qlf 36
Bedistan (4) 13 8 2 3 19 7 +12 26 -4 35
SterlingIce (61) 14 6 4 4 16 12 +4 22 28
LordSquall (47) 13 6 2 5 18 14 +4 20 29
New Montreal States 13 4 0 9 8 15 -7 12 Eli 21
Kerla 13 2 2 9 8 22 -14 8 Eli 17
Oilermania 13 2 1 10 6 22 -16 7 Eli 16
Kamakaza 13 1 3 9 5 27 -22 6 Eli 15[/code:1:250e81197d]

* Note: The goal differences in this table add up to 1, so there are minor errors. The important stuff is there, though.

The USAnian information minister speaks live on Communist News Network:

Comrades,

We have not lost against this Brits, no matter against which. The referree was totally biased and totally incompetent. And about the assistents - USAnian clinics can cure blindness in certain cases, they really should go there to get help. If the referree would not have been a capitalist, WE would have been victorious. Despite this result, the WCC was forced - even in his biased sttistics - to rate 27 nations worse than us! Twenty-seven nations! This is a big success for our great socialist country! The United Socialist States of USAnia are ranked higher than 27 nations! Our superior ideology has celebrated a triumph! And even if we may be eliminated, we will not give up! Even if we don't have a chance we will take it!

Thanks for your attention, Hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

(OOC: And now, to make up for my absence, a mind deranged by too much study of American lit presents a match summary in the style of a poorly-written Faulkner imitation.)

KATHRYN

Well, I'd followed the Ravens for years, longer than any of them had played except for Sui-Ling, and she'd retired now. I could still picture her, a young woman triumphant on the pitch, an older woman still graceful and precise. Now she was the coach, and I could still see her dedication. It was a long time on the road, but she held them together, like mother and father both, acknowledging neither exhaustion nor the stress of playing so often before unfriendly crowds. And damned if she didn't pull it off, mostly.

KAEDE

When we'd gotten to Audioslavia at last, after that match, there were some said the path'd washed out. That match was like a rushing river tearing at its own banks, and us without a bridge.

AUTUMN

'Twere like as to finish us, or so they said.

KAEDE

But the Dragonians were next, and we were back on track again. Hikari claimed another win, and so the team did, too. There wasn't anything else for it than to continue on, y'see.

HIKARI

My mother is a football.

AMARA

Then we met Svecia, and we beat them, home and away. These are the reasons we beat them:

1. They were a powerful side, once, always a contender for qualifyin', but looks like this ain't their year.
2. On account of they haven' been performin' so well this time.
3. Kaede's second goal caught their keeper off guard.
4. If they'd been playin' like they'd used to, their keeper would've seen it comin'.
5. Seems they might not qualify this year.
6. Lots of sides miss a Cup and come back, like Tanah Burung. Maybe Svecia'll improve next year?
7. There is still time left.

AUTUMN

We ourselves couldn't help but miss one, back in Number 7.

HIKARI

My mother is a football. Clearwater's mother is a wall.

KAEDE

I could see the others were beginning to wear out, by then. It'd been a couple weeks on the road without pause, and those'd been some long flights. We were off our game. And Clearwater's been a strong contender this year, more than anyone expected. Their defense held up against everything we threw at them, save for Amara's goal, which saved us from a loss.

AMARA

It wasn't on a balance. I told them if they wanted the team to balance, they would have to be more aggressive. I told them 'bout the offense. But they went ahead with the defensive play. If it'd been on a balance...

MICHAEL

When they came back home, I was astonished at how weary they all looked, like they'd been riding out a storm for days. Kaede was out of the match, sick, which pretty much never happens, and Autumn was pretty bad, too, but she played anyhow. When they'd first gone away, they'd smashed past the Dauragons; now, at home, they were fighting to break a draw. They didn't manage to score that second goal.

SUI-LING

The rest at home did some good. Next we had to go away again, to tiny Citta Acqua, but Kaede was back, and I could see they were all refreshed. We left with high spirits.

CRYSTAL

Again I played; this was unprecedented in Ravenspire international football, to play so many qualifying matches as a substitute. But the opposition seemed intimidated, maybe demoralized by what they remembered about our previous match, or maybe just worried about facing off against number three in the world. We broke their defense with what seemed like surprising ease, after the last run of matches.

KAEDE

The solid win did good for the team morale. We came home to finish out the matches.

HIKARI

We already qualified. Kaede says we're playing for honor now, and that means to improve our standings against the other teams. I don't know, but I've gotta do my best.

AUTUMN

'Twere those Clowns, from Zinkoland, came next. Seems they defied Kaede's expectations, 'cause they still ran third, behind us and Audioslavia, and they seemed set on qualifyin'. But it didn' do them no good.

KAEDE

It was only a narrow margin, with the Clowns being such a tricky team and all, but we won on Amara's goal. That puts Zinkoland at a loss home and away, leaving our only loss to Audioslavia. We'll be looking to take a win back when we meet them here on the last day.

KATHRYN

First, there's a rest for the Ravens; next, a match at home against Davii, who have achieved little and are expected to suffer another defeat. Only at the last will come Audioslavia. It may be the most anticipated match since the last Cup's finals, when the Ravens were denied the Cup, so that's saying something. But right now, they sit safe at the top of the group, watching as the other sides battle for the other two qualifying positions -- Zinkoland clinging near the plateau, Clearwater aiming for third, and all the others, at least four sides for two places, though Audioslavia seems a sure bet. Watching, and waiting for the Cup.

OOC: Click once...

OOC: Post... three times? :roll:

That was extraordinarily good Ravenspire. Now do Steinbeck!

(OOC: I'm sorry, it seems a tad long and I was running out of ideas and steam at the end. Ogle, I was working under the impression that Torrence Black is your captain, if it's not I'll make the necessary edits. Also, please forgive my liberal use of your characters. I went looking in the #wcc channel for you, and TnUI said you wouldn't mind, so if you don't like it, it's his fault and blame him :lol: )

Downtown Queldas. It is game day, and the entire city has basically gone on holiday, as the inhabitants of the Nikean capital are all in anticipation of the upcoming match with Oglethorpia. Those lucky 52,000 who happened to have a ticket had already been in Solarin Stadium, located in the west end of the city, for 2 hours, and the pre-match entertainment had featured many top Nikean bands, singers, dancers, and actors. Those who didn't have entry to the stadium were either at home with friends, or in one of Queldas' many sports bars.

The traffic is low, as the forest green van bearing the logo of the Nikean Postal Service pulls up to the 25-story Nikean Football Association building, which has the look of a completely glass structure due to the number of windows outlining the side. The driver gets out, and opens the back of the van. A smaller, stockier man appears from the other side of the van to help him. Each carries two large boxes past the statue of Nikean football legend Jaskalainen Tenerethitel (who also is the current manager of the national squad), and up to the large doors, where they bump into Nikean FA President Yeskerin Orsentel, who is rushing out of the building towards his custom Melrenen Tenermisti S980, dark blue in colour, complete with personal driver.

"What is all of this?"

"Urgent delivery from Oglethorpia, Mr. Orsentel," the driver of the mailvan replies. "Four large boxes of paperwork for today's match."

Orsentel rolls his eyes. "So I guess those people really were responsible for the forms in the first place. Are they really necessary?"

"We received a phone call from their government giving us expicit instructions to deliver these directly to you, and that their government requires that they are filled out."

Orsentel looks over towards his waiting car. "Fine." He waves his driver over to help him. "Do I have to sign anything?"

"No, sir, just look into this scanner." The scanner reads his irises and the barcode chip that is implanted into his forehead, a mandatory chip that is placed in all Nikeans at birth. "Very good, sir. Good luck to the Pandas, we'll be watching."

"Thanks." Orsentel and his driver took two boxes each and put them in the large, roomy trunk of the S980, which is probably quite similar to the custom model that is in your local Melrenen Auto Dealership, should you or any government officials decide to sign a large contract with the company for all your transportation needs.

------------------

Half an hour later (Queldas is a big city), the smooth, quiet, sleek automobile whispered up to the special private box entrance, where two assistants came to take the box of forms out of the car and down to the field. They leave one box with Orsentel.

"These forms are for you to fill out, Mr. Orsentel," one of the burly aides says. "You and Mr. McDouglas of Oglethorpia need to sit down together and get all of the forms filled out."

Orsentel looks disgusted. "McDouglas?"

"Yes, McDouglas," a voice says from behind the two burly aides. The two aides take the boxes, revealing McDouglas standing behind them. "Hello, Yeskerin."

Orsentel's facial features twitch as he tries vainly to conceal his contempt for the smaller man. "Hello, McDouglas." He says the name with a hint of malice. "Didn't know you spoke Nikean."

"I don't," McDouglas replied. "But when I heard my name, I assumed you were talking about me."

"Quite the smart one, aren't you George?" Orsentel grabbed the box and tried to quickly walk ahead of the Oglethorpian, although the visitor easily kept up the rather slow pace Orsentel was setting, being weighed down with the large box. "Why all the forms?"

"We in Oglethorpia believe bureaucracy is the best way to run things," McDouglas began proudly. "If no form is filled out, who's to know what really went on? The time invested in filling out forms is quite worth it."

Orsentel grunted. "If you say so."

"I don't really know much about how your government works, Yeskerin. How do you keep track of things?"

"We're a bit more sophisticated than you people and your paper trails. Everything is electronically recorded. The barcode chips implanted in us at birth help the government keep track of everything anyways."

McDouglas looked down as he walked, silent. "Sounds complicated. If you write it down, you'll remember it better anyways."

"Whatever." The pair stopped in front of Orsentel's private box. "We'll fill these out at half-time, George. Meet me in here."

McDouglas nodded and headed off to his private box, which Orsentel didn't know was directly adjacent to his.

---------------------------

Down on the field, the match is about to get underway. The officials are all from Bedistan, and the visitors are about ready to kick off, when the Bedistani fourth official runs onto the pitch, holding a stack of papers.

"Hold on, hold on!" he yells, as he reaches the centre circle. The referee waves in Torrence Black for Oglethorpia, and Kalainen Mersentel for the Pandas, the two respective captains.

"What is it, Michael?" the referee asks.

"Just got these forms delivered," the official says, breathing heavily. "We can't start the match until they're filled out. Orders from the Oglethorpian government."

Mersentel and Black glance at each other before turning back to the official. "So what do we have to do?" Mersentel asks.

"Well," the official says, holding up each form as he describes them. "First, each manager must fill out Document 12-4040A, which lists the starting eleven players, and their positions. Document 12-4040B is the same form, but no photocopies are allowed so it must be filled out by hand as well. Document 12-4041A must be filled out by each manager, listing all substitutes, and who they are sitting beside on the bench. Again, Document 12-4041B is the same document, but must be filled out by hand as well.

"Document 12-4042A must be filled out by the groundskeeper, describing the type of fertilizer used on the field, and why he chose that particular brand. Document 12-4042B is the copy of this form. Document 12-4039A must be filled out by the trainers of both teams, listing what medical supplies they have, and how they filled up the water bottles. Document 12-4039B is the copy. Finally, Document 12-4044A must be filled out by both captains acknowledging that the match is taking place, and that both teams are willing participants. The standard copy form exists as Document 12-4044B."

"Anything else?" the official adds, looking exasperated. A man in khakis and a white golf shirt comes on to join the impromptu meeting. "Good day, I'm Mike Fuschia, and I'm from Oglethorpia. I have been sent to make sure that all forms are filled out appropriately. If something happens and the form isn't filled out, I'll stop the match if I have to in order to see that all forms are filled out properly."

Mersentel and Black roll their eyes as they get set to take their forms to the respective benches before filling out their form, while the fourth official runs off in search of the groundskeeper, who happens to be quite drunk and passed out in a tractor underneath the east stands. After 15 minutes of torturous writing, the teams finally get going, with Mersentel and Black now knowing the pain an arthritis victim goes through.

Two minutes into the match, Turinnen Mortethel commits a foul on Wonderteam forward Kirk Calhoun. As the visitors line up to quickly get the play moving, Mike Fuschia runs on to the pitch.

"Wait, wait, wait!" he yells. "Before the match can continue, both the fouler and the foulee must fill out this document, Document 12-4045A1, describing the nature of the foul and the foulee's forgiveness of the fouler. Document 12-4045B1 must also be filled out. This document must be filled out for every foul committed from here on out."

Mortethel and Calhoun begin to fill out the form while the other players stand around. The fans get restless as the play finally resumes once the final signatures have been made.

-----------------------------

After 20 minutes of the first half and 90 minutes of actual time have elapsed, Yeskerin Orsentel hears a knock on the door. One of his two large aides answer it.

"Sir, Mr. McDoug..." He's interrupted by McDouglas. "Hey, Yeskerin. How are you enjoying the game so far? It's pretty fast paced compared to our other games."

"It's absolutely terrible," Yeskerin says, far down below on the field, Fuschia again runs onto the field, ready to document the latest throw in. "It's been an hour and a half and we're not even done the first half."

"You're just impatient," McDouglas replies. "If you're that bored, we can fill out those attendance forms."

"Fine," Orsentel replies, as one of his burly aides brings him the box of necessary paperwork. "What do we have to do here?"

"Document 12-4054A is the attendance form, I heard the number announced over the speaker so we can get that done. Document 12-4054B is the copy of that, but we can't photocopy 12-4054A so we have to fill it out twice. Document 12-4055A will have to wait until the end of the match, since it talks about final score, but we can fill out the match venue part, and we have 12-4055B as the copy. 12-4056C just shows that these forms exist, and 11-4055A is just some retrieval stuff that you don't have to worry about, but you have to sign them anyways. Once we get those out of the way, I'll tell you about the other forms, for things like why we chose our team nicknames, mascots, and brand of toilet paper in your office."

"Why would we need a form for which brand of toilet paper I have in my office?" Orsentel asks, already bewildered at the amount of work to be done.

"Haha, well it's just one of those things I'm curious about," McDouglas says. "You can tell a lot about a man by what kind of toilet paper he uses."

"Well, how about this, McDouglas. You fill out forms A and I'll do B, so it'll get done faster."

McDouglas looks astonished and horrified. "No, no! We can't do that! Each form must be filled out together, with both parties working together. That's one of the reasons why our team is ranked 5th in the world. Our players have spent so much time filling out forms together that they've learned to work as a team. Remember, bureaucracy promotes teamwork."

Orsentel just shakes his head.

--------------------

"No, no, no, this simply won't do," Fuschia says down on the field. "You've filled it out in Russian."

Aleksei Strekiov looks at the much smaller man, not really knowing what he's saying. Kalainen Mersentel runs over to mediate.

"What's wrong here?" Mersentel asks.

"The lug's filled it out in Russian," Fuschia explains, very lucky that Strekiov's English is horrendous. "Oglethorpians don't know Russian. We just went over this with your goalkeeper. We don't speak Nikean either."

"Well, Mikey, Aleks' English isn't that good, and he only speaks Russian and Nikean," Mersentel says.

"Then you'll just simply have to fill it out for him. You can translate Nikean into English, and write it down. Just get him to sign his name at the bottom."

Mersentel explains this to Strekiov, who glares menacingly at Fuschia, who has his back turned explaining to the official why it has to be filled out again. "All this work over a little foul," Strekiov says in Nikean.

"Well, it wasn't that little," Mersentel argues. "You almost took the poor guy's head off."

Strekiov scoffs at this as they begin to fill out the form. Once they are finally finished and the play gets underway, Francisco Green's free kick beats Panda keeper Kalessin Quertel, yet hits the post. The fans gasp at the near goal, but Mike Fuschia comes onto the field to wreck any kind of steam that the game might be developing.

"Sorry, Franny," Green looks angry at this little man calling him 'Franny', "you and that keeper over there have to fill out Document 12-5012A and B, about you hitting the post on that kick there. The necessary details are on the form."

"STUFF YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN FORMS!" Green erupts at Fuschia, causing the bureaucrat to turn red. Green had suffered through Fuschia and the forms for quite some time, 14 matchdays to be exact, and he echoed the sentiment of everyone else in the stadium save Fuschia and McDouglas.

"You know the penalty for not filling out the forms, Francisco," Fuschia huffs. "Your outburst was totally uncalled for." Green snatches the form out of Fuschia's hand and furiously begins to write down the required information. "Never have I seen such insolence," Fuschia says, still steaming. "I'm going to have to fill out a form about this."

--------------------

After 2 hours and 45 minutes of real time, the Bedistani official finally blows the whistle for the end of the first half. With all of the forms being filled out, no momentum has been gained and the score remains a very dull 0-0. The official is swarmed by Fuschia and his paper army, as the teams sneak away to the locker room.

15 minutes later, everyone is waiting for the teams to take the field. After 20 minutes, the officials head to the rooms, accompanied by Mike Fuschia and the necessary forms.

The teams have mysteriously vanished. The visitors locker room is empty save for a few hastily left behind socks. In the Pandas room, Fuschia finds a note.


Mikey,

We discussed this with the Wonderteam, and we have simply had enough of you and your forms. In order to preserve our sanity, we will not play the second half, and since we left secretly, you will never find us to fill out any bloody forms. I can't speak for your countrymates, but cold will be the day in hell when any member of the Nikean Pandas national football team or related employees fills out any form from any Oglethorpian again.

Signed,
Kalainen Mersentel, Captain, Nikean Pandas

PS: Both of our teams have decided that we'll leave the score as it is.


"What in the name of Benny Hill? They've just left!" Fuschia exclaims. "How unprofessional is that. What are you guys going to do?"

The Bedistani officials look at each other. "We think it's just best to leave the score as it is. I'm sure that something should be done here, but frankly we're just as sick as the players of filling out forms, and the work of getting the teams back here would just be pointless. I think everyone has had enough," the Bedistani referee speaks for his team.

Fuschia huffs and storms out to tell McDouglas. He bursts into Orsentel's private box, where the two are putting the finishing touches on Document 12-4089B, the copy of the form about Orsentel's toilet paper brand preference. "They've just left!"

"What do you mean, 'just left'?" Orsentel asks, wondering why these Oglethorpians always manage to screw something up.

"I found this note," Fuschia says, thrusting the note at Orsentel and McDouglas. They both read it, with Orsentel laughing and McDouglas looking increasingly horrified.

"Good for them," Orsentel said. "Those forms ruined what could've been a very good match. Bureaucracy is a terrible disease, and I hope someday your country finds the cure." He reaches over to the final score form, quickly writes "0-0" in the blank, and runs out of the door, being chased by the two bureaucrats.

"Wait, Yeskerin!" McDouglas calls after the Nikean FA President. "We have 5 more forms to do before we start on the next 20!"

"SOD OFF!" Orsentel yells as he quickly gets into his custom S980, which is lightning quick despite it's whisper-quiet engine, and zooms away from the two Oglethorpians, who lift up their arms in despair.

"We're really gonna get it now," Fuschia says.

------------------

[code:1:b821a6fd0f]
Nikea 0
v.
Oglethorpia 0
[/code:1:b821a6fd0f]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea W 3-0
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas D 0-0
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

That was extraordinarily good Ravenspire. Now do Steinbeck!

:shock: Ack! TB, I actually fell of my chair laughing at that. :wink:

(Raven - it was very good)

States High Schoolers gather on bye day

The combined high school teams all held a reunion on the field of the Paladin Dome here in New Montreal today. It was a raucous party, with many of the participants - despite the official ban on alcohol and drugs - either drunk or stoned.

Midway through the party a call for attention from the center podium quiteted the crowd. Captains Picard and Kirk from the Astronomy Academy of Bois-Patrie (to play against Oilermania in the final game of the qualifiers) had procured several giant sets of the Clue™ board game, custom printed in (Bedistan's official language).

These were then addressed to (a half dozen major Bedistani news sources) with cards bearing a witty sarcastic remark indicating that the journalists needed to get a clue and that they were glad to be of assistance. Those who had played against Bedistan then signed their names to the cards, and they were set via overnight express to their destinations in Bedistan.

Following which the game between Cockbill Street and The Weegies was broadcast on the big screens in the Dome. Cockbill Street lost, setting them back in their quest to qualify.

After which an impromptu tournament broke out, with the pitch being divided into two smaller pitches. The teams played by city, and the results were Ville-Marie beating New Montreal in the final round. A final giant set of clue was awarded to the city's team, and a tradition seemed to have begun.

Although due to the bungling and disgrace of the origional "national" the Paladins have been kept from advancing, these high schoolers represent the best our nation has to offer in terms of soccer, for which we owe them a lot. And beating the 4th ranked team in the world is credit enough for our first time in the tournament.

"Never have I seen such insolence," Fuschia says, still steaming. "I'm going to have to fill out a form about this."

(heh, brilliant!)

---


Westergate Football Grounds
Westergate, Iansisle, the Commonwealth

As usual following so hard a loss, the Ians filed quietly off the field. Perhaps the most distraught of all of them was Benny Answorth, who had let Oddslavo score four times. He walked dejectedly up to his locker, already peeling off his filthy white-and-red home jersey. Suddenly, a hand slammed the door shut in front of him.

“Just what the [expletive deleted] did you think you were doing out there, beanpole? Having a [expletive deleted] tea party with the ball in the goal?”

“Leave me alone, Leonard,” muttered Benny, pushing the shorter but sturdier man’s hand away. All it earned him was a shove back, sending the unresistive goalkeeper stumbling back a step or two. Every eye in the locker room turned towards the commotion, but neither Riveran nor Westmore was in sight.

“I don’t believe you have any [expletive deleted] right to talk, beanpole,” continued Flaherty, advancing on Answorth, who was now backing away slowly. “Ever since day one, we’ve been trying to pick up the shattered pieces you leave us. I’m so [expletive deleted] amazed that we’ve even come this far that I can’t even come up with words to describe it. Face it, beanpole, you’ve been nothing but a drag on this team since...”

“Hey, leave him alone, Flaherty,” called Conrad Brandt from across the room. “Today was no more Benny’s fault than any of ours - or yours.” The eyes transferred to Conrad: it was the first time he’d spoken to Leonard since the radio interview.

“Excuse me?” said Flaherty, ignoring Benny for a second and walking up to a stoic Conrad, who didn’t even flinch.

“Problems with your ears and your brain, Lenny? I’m sayin’ that no matter what the papers have to say about you, you share in this team’s losses every bit as much as its victories.”

“Unless you’ve managed to miss something, Connie, I was the one who scored. It was you defensive sods who let us down!”

“There’s no reason to take it out on Benny, idiot. He’s been the best damn player on this team, and you can’t contest that! Besides, I know the coach wouldn’t take kindly to...”

“The coach? No, I’m sure he wouldn’t! But answer me this: where the [expletive deleted] is the coach? I don’t see him; do you see him, John?”

Before Copplestone could answer, Conrad had Leonard by the front of the jersey. “Look, you little puke: I don’t care what you think of me, but the coach’s going through a hard time, and the last thing we need is your sniveling.” Conrad released him with a small shove and turned back to his own locker.

“So you don’t care, eh? Well that’s good, because I think you, Conrad, are the arrogant son of some backwoods whore who is simply too cocky to admit when his damn ragclad hollywack ass [expletive deleted] up and screwed the lot of us over!”

For a few seconds, it didn’t seem as if Conrad would take anything by it. Then, as quick as an adder’s strike, the big Dianatranian turned and slugged his teammate. Flaherty went down with blood pouring out of his nose and over his jersey. He was back up, albeit in a wobbly manner, with fists clenched after just a second. However, David Westmore chose that time to come through the locker room’s door on his crutches after finishing the post-game news conference. He took in the whole situation at once: the team in various stages of undress and Flaherty just making ready to strike Conrad with blood all over his shirt.

“All right, who wants to start?” No one volunteered, and Westmore nodded at his goalie. “How about you, Benny? What happened?”

The slight goalkeeper glanced from Conrad to Leonard, then back at Westmore. “Well, coach,” he started meekly, before glancing once again at Conrad. “Leonard was running about all pissed, because of the loss, y’know? An’ he blamed it all on me, and was about to hit me too, so Conrad had to hit him.”

“What?” screamed Flaherty, turning and almost slipping on a patch of his own blood. “That’s not true! I didn’t do anything! I was just minding my own business, and that stupid git -” he indicated Conrad “-knocked me for a loop! I don’t even think I’ll be able to play against Sliponia!”

It was clear at once whom Westmore favored. He leaned heavily on his right crutch, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. “All right, all right. I’m going to go get the coach, and he’ll settle this thing...”

There was no need to do that, as the head coach walked in right in the middle of the sentence. “Ah, coach,” started Westmore, “I’m glad you’re here. We’ve just had some trouble, you see...”

But it didn’t seem that Riveran had heard anything his assistant had said. Instead he drew Westmore close and spoke in a whisper. “Dave, I’m going to need you to coach the team in Sliponia. I’ve ... I can’t.”

“What?” asked Westmore incredulously. “Coach, we’re still in this thing, but we need you to...”

“Dave, I can’t, damn it!” insisted Riveran. It was the first time any of the players had seen him lose his temper. “Don’t argue about this with me; I’ve just got to go!” And with that, he did, right out the back door. Westmore sighed and turned back to the players.

“Look, I don’t know what all this is about, and I’m sorry. Just, Conrad, stay away from Leonard; Leonard, stay away from Benny. And get ready for the trip to Sliponia.” David Westmore turned suddenly and swung himself into Riveran’s office.

The Crater

Football Official in Therapy

JAMAICA, Esc. -- William Danforth recently checked into Underhill Mental Hospital in Jamaica bringing a tale of absolute horror. Danforth, 36, an international football official, was at the match between Nikea and Oglethorpia in Queldas on matchday 15. In a Crater exclusive, here is his story:

"It was awful," he began. "I went there actually expecting that it'd be a blast of a match, considering Nikea and Oglethorpia are the two hottest teams in their group and can always make a match exciting. I'd never seen a Nikean match, and I hadn't been to an Oglethorpian one since World Cup 7. But anyway, the first sign that something was wrong was this weird Oglethorpian dude...what was his name? Purple? Lavender? Something like that...anyway, he came up to me and the team captains before the match with this huge stack of papers. Apparently it was a whole bunch of forms that everyone had to fill out and sign. Not only that, but everyone had to fill them out twice -- because the Oglethorpians wouldn't make copies.

"So, yeah, it was a good fifteen, twenty minutes before we could even get the flippin' match started. It started out great, then just a couple minutes in, Mortethel fouled Calhoun and Violet came out with more forms! Oh man, it was horrible. It took two hours to play half an hour of football. It was almost as slow as American football, for crying out loud! Heh, when that Oglethorpian...Verde, was it?...screamed in old Lilac's face, I almost wanted to go over and hug the guy...almost.

"That was the absolute worst three hours of my life. I'm never gonna be able to look an Oglethorpian in the face again without trying to tear him to pieces! I think it's better if I just stay here and go crazy. As long as I never hear anything about Mauve and McDougal again, I'll be fine."

We concluded the interview here, as things looked like they would turn violent when a staff member asked Danforth to fill out Form 202 regarding his entry to the hospital.

The top three teams in Group 2 all won: Tanah Burung cruising to a 3-1 win over Fradustainis on goals by Livit, Ruak and Syahrir, with Lemmitania keeping pace with a 2-0 win. The Lowland Clans won the biggest victory of the day by a crushing 5-0 score to remain just three points back.

These three teams have opened up a cushion over idle Busby and Belmorian Scandinavia, which only managed a scoreless draw. That means BES can do no better than third, but all five of the leaders remain in contention for a spot in the World Cup.

[code:1:7fa0f339ab]
Tanah Burung (24)* * * * * *13*10* 1* 2 22* 6 +16* 31 max pts: 40
Lemmitania (8)* * * * * * * 13*10* 1* 2 23* 8 +15* 31 max pts: 40
The Lowland Clans (43)* * * 14* 9* 1* 4 31 13 +18* 28 max pts: 34
Busby (17)* * * * * * * * * 13* 7* 3* 3 18 12* +6* 24 max pts: 33*
Belmorian Scandinavian (66) 13* 6* 3* 4 15 13* +2* 21 max pts: 30
[/code:1:7fa0f339ab]

Advertising has bene running for 12 days straight. Suddenly, the techno whine of THE FIGHTING FRUIT REPORT begins and we are back in the studio. It's hard to hear the dialogue over the hum of the Wamam machines.

Ava Byte: Whew! Did you enjoy the adverts? Well, we're back, with special guests Nate E. Visser and Sal Manela.

Nate: That's "Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes," my dearest little cucumber. See that you don't forget it. I've had Sal here neutered for forgetting one time too many.

Sal: It's true. Someone please help me!

Ava: Heh heh, those wacky Sn-- ... I mean, those wacky people from the country that can't be named. Anyhoo, the Fruit are red-hot eh?

Nate: Indeed, my little plumlet. The new team has been performing splendidly. We've already lost one whole team ... poor Elvis, poor Eve! (He pauses to wipe a tear from his eye.) So i had no hesitation in telling the new Fighting Fruit that they'd be executed if they lost. And it worked!

Sal: He's a madman, i tell you!

Ava: Hee. You slay me, Sal. Let's review the results.

Sal: After the forfeit, the Fruit were raring to go. And not a little afraid of the death chamber. Well, actually, i've seen it, and it's more of a death salad-spinner. But anyway, we won 4-1 over Larkinia. We were ecstatic. But His Awesome Cleverness said we had to avoid losing to Ariddia too.

Nate: Ariddia is a powerhouse. I told the little corn-cob darlings they only needed a draw to avoid being put to death.

Sal: And they got it: 0-0 against Ariddia. A great team, but we were able to keep them off the scoreboard. I was becoming concerned over His Excellent Savouriness' motivational tactics, but i told the Fruit to just jam things up and not ot be afraid to throw themselves at the opponent. We lost two players that day in splattering incidents, but managed the draw.

Nate: We had 12 points, just one behind the Murderous Scum of East Spaam.

Ava: Any developments on the East Spaam front?

Nate: Oh, they're keeping their heads down, Ava my little turnip. But we're building up the armed forces to wreak terrible, terrible revenge. Theyn shall rue the day they made ketchup of my darlings.

Ava: And then you hosted The Weegies.

Nate: Yes. Once again, execution in the event of a loss.

Sal: At this point, i began urging His Imperial Zestiness to let the team live. A win and then a draw against such a strong team seemed to me to be enough to have earned the right to survive.

Ava: You really are from another country, aren't you? (she titters, delicately.)

Sal: Yeah, Snub Nose 38.

Ava: Arrgh!

Nate: Urk! Don't say that!

Ava: So, about The Weegies match?

Sal: A great performance by the New Improved Fruit. We won it 1-0. True, some vegetable life was lost, but this provided a valuable edge to the Fruit: a surface so slippery that Weegiefolk couldn't get traction.

Nate: Poor souls. But their deaths were not in vain, my little cabbages. A good thing too: i told the team they would have to be lamentably executed if they lost against the country that can't be named.

Sal: Snub-

Nate: Silence! (He slaps Sal across the face with an eggplant.)

Ava: So you set sail for the country that can't be named.

Sal: Ah, home.

Nate: Where you tried to escape.

Sal: Apologies, Your Serene Firmness. (He turns to face the camera.) Please, someone save me!

Nate: You made your own bed of lettuce, mister. Now lie in it.

Ava: Sal, were you excited to be facing your old team?

Sal: Well, i have to admit that there would be some satisfaction in proving to the Minister of Sudden Disappearances, Underhanded Tricks and Thumb Tacks that I'm a pretty solid manager. After all, since i arrived the Evisceratomatoes, a low-ranked team, had gone undefeated and earned seven of a possible nine points.

Ava: And you were still undefeated after this one.

Sal: Yes. I'm very proud that the New Fruit managed a 2-2 draw with the Hooligans. A completely green group of young Evisceratomatoes goes undefeated in four matches, three of them against the three top teams in the group. It's a tribute to their team spirit. And maybe to my abilities too! Hooligans, take me back! In fact, anyone, please take me away from this green hell. I can be reached at 604-92-

(With a roar of fury, Nate picks up Ava and throws her at Sal Manela. The Evisceratomato broadcaster shrieks in fear as she impacts with the manager and splatters into tomato mush. Sal is covered from head to toe in splattered 'mato. He begins to weep.)

Nate: Sal Manela will serve out the remainder of his contract with the Evisceratomatoes FC. And the team will continue its undefeated steak, on pain of torture. And that's our show, my beloved little zucchinis. Tune in next time for more fun!

Following the psuedo-match in Queldas, Nikea, George McDouglas returns home and heads back to the Association of Football Office Complex to wrap up a small amount of paperwork.

Before setting down to the stack of forms and documents delivered to the side of his desk, McDouglas sits down to pen a message to Nikean FA President Yeskerin Orsentel.


Dear Yeskerin Orsentel,

The red tape that today's match was wrapped up in was rather...stricky. Can't teach a new dog old tricks, eh? Or maybe it's the other way around. But i'm sure you get the point all the same.

Anyways, in the interest of offering a worthy match for the fans between the Pandas and the Wonderteam, in between the conclusion of World Cup X and the beginning of World Cup IX, I propose a friendly -- to be held in a 'netural' venue -- free of red tape -- between our two national sides.

Thanks,
George McDouglas

-- Association of Futebol/Football

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Bureau of Bureaucracy releases Form 12-4045A
Group 5 table released

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- After hours upon hours of intense deciphering and analyzation of the hundreds and hundreds documents and forms signed, perferated and filled out over matchday fifteen, the Bureau of Bureaucracy, in conjunction and cooperation with the Association of Futebol/Football, are proud to release group 5 tables available on Document 12-4045A and Document 12-4045B.


THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

[code:1:8ab4997641]
Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (5) 13 10 2 1 33 8 +25 32
Nikea (31) 13 9 2 2 19 9 +10 29
NASTIC 2 (60) 14 8 5 1 19 10 +9 29
Rejistania (38) 13 7 3 3 23 17 +6 24
Haraki (15) 14 6 2 6 20 14 +6 20
SPARTEN 13 4 0 9 6 17 -11 12
Irrevilentsdom 13 3 3 7 6 19 -13 12
Senoj 13 3 2 8 6 20 -14 11
Grigala 14 1 1 12 5 21 -16 4

[/code:1:8ab4997641]

The Oglethorpian Wonderteam now only holds the top spot on group 5 by 3 points after 15 matchdays of World Cup X qualifying. Each national side in group 5 has 4/5 games left to play in their schedules.

The Nikean Pandas hold second on GD with 29 points, and a solid preformance from them in their remaining 5 matches should put them in good position to qualify.

NASTIC 2 needs to secure a couple more wins or draws to put themselves in position to qualify for the Cup as well.

5 points out of third place, Rejistania's Orange-Blues are looking for a couple of wins in their remaining 5 matches to make up points between themselves and third place: which will be either Nikea or NASTIC 2, depending on their preformances in the upcoming games.

However you slice it, group 5 looks to be an exciting one with plenty of position jostling to take place as World Cup X qualifying comes closer to conclusion.

---

Government to "remove some red tape"
Oglethorpian international football to be streamlined 'somewhat'

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- In a historic move by the Bureau of Bureaucracy, forms and documents required to be signed by football players in international football matches are to be consolidated and merged into one large one, to streamline the duration of matches. "After the Nikea-Oglethorpia incident, which was...'less than exciting' shall we say, we're looking to cut down some of the red tape involved there," said Mike Fuschia of Oglethorpia's Parliament.

The proposed changes largely involve merging Documents 12-4055A, Document 12-4055B, 12-4054A, 12-4054B and 12-4056C into one large document to be signed and verified at a later date involving only the respective FA, and not the entire national side of Oglethorpia's opposition.

"After today's match vs Nikea," said Bureaucratic Tribune analyst Phil Brown, "bureaucracy reached a new low. Where in some places we need it, it's just wholly unnecessary in Wonderteam football. The steps being taken by the Bureau of Bureaucracy are for the better."

While Wonderteam international football is being cleaned up, the government has made it clear that bureaucracy in other areas are to be left as is. Said Bureau of Bureaucracy Director David Witkowski, "do you know how many jobs are in red tape untangling? Hundreds of thousands. Bureaucracy is always there -- demand is always there. Taking that away would be disastrous! We can only fix so many things without hurting others."

More on this story as it comes.

---

OOC:

Oglethorpia's companies are largely streamlined; a small group of people overseeing a large factories automated processes. The workforce is largely employed in massive departments designated to deal with the bureaucracy involved with production, domestic shipment, international shipment and other various trade stipulations with pleathoras of forms and documents to deal with. And since bureaucracy is always going to be around, the need for people to deal with it will always be around.

This is KCHR radio, Live at Eagle Stadium! noise of screaming fans fill the air It's happened again! Margaret has helped us win a stunning 4-1 victory over Sliponia! With only three more qualifying games to go, I'm sure we can do it! Some wonder why Margaret didn't work at out humiliating 3-0 defeat at Oddslavo yesterday; well, it seems that Margaret works best at home stadiums. Oh well. Tomorrow we play Defari, ranked 55 in the world, at their stadium. Things don't look good for that match, after all, team morale is devastated when 982,000 screaming fans of the other team throw 982,000 evisceralemonpies, or something like that, at your team. No sir, it is not nice. The next day we play Ianisle at their stadium. While beating an unranked team is generally easy, Ianisle has been doing quite well, and our team might decide to 'be nice' again. Then for a grand finale at Eagle Stadium, playing the Enlarged Gluteus Maximus team. Ought to be easy. If we don't qualify, we'll at least wind up third in the group. And prove that rotten guy on Bedistani TV wrong.

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues draw in... WHERE?
The Orange-Blues just archieved a draw in a country, that no-one of the reporters even was able to locate on the map. The name of this country was something like Irrevilentesdom. Also very few fans found this strange nation the number of Orange-Blue fans was one of the lowest ever. Soccer apparently is not popular in this nation, the stadium was small and the ground was not in the best condition. The 1-1 loweres the difference to the third place to only four points, since NASTIC had a bye.

The Orange-Blue line-up had some surprises: the 'system Imdila' (a defensive 4-4-2) was replaced by a 4-3-3 tactic (some people describe this as 'system Hangila' since the co-coach likes a more aggresive play), again Inik Linkosa was the third forward. In the defense, Sen Ajil was replaced by Ila Iles. The match started by countless attacks from both sides, but both defenses had the right amount of skill and luck to keep the score levelled. In the 23rd minute, a defensive error by Iles'he made it possible for a Irrevilentsdomian player to get in good position and to archieve the lead for the wrong side. The few Irrevilentsdomian fans cheered. the game became even more aggresive. The Orange-Blues played like there is no tomorrow. Despite this, they didn't mange to archieve the equalizer in the first half. The half-time result was 0-1.

According to some Irrevilentsdom officials, there was a loud and nearly-violent discussion during half-time between Imdila'he and Hangila'he about the right tactic. The second half looked as if Imdila'he won it: the team played their 4-4-2 again and they looked much more confident in their usual positions. In the 67th minute, SyLy and Su'he had an excellent chance for a counter, but SyLy was fouled violently by a I.ian defender. He could not play any more and had to be replaced by I Ailn'he. The referree decided to send the I.ian player off and to award the Orange-Blues a penalty shot. Imdila'he used the interruption to substitute also defender Lanhi Ijanhi by Kasu Kiru. Everyone, who has seen a game of KaMaRi kaletri knows, that Kiru'he is well-known for his penalty shots. His domestic bilance is 7/2. This penalty was a task for Kiru'he and he showed his class: the I.ian goalie had not the least chance to reach the ball. The score was 1-1. This result didn't change despite some good attacks of the I.ians and one goal shot by SyLy, that was not valid due to an offside position.

The result:
Irrevilentsdom 1 (player 23rd)
Rejistania 1 (Kiru 67th)

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 11
Su: 7
Linkosa: 3
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1
Kiru: 1

From the Kangaroo:

THE SPOTTED ZUCHINNIS AWAIT

Kaze Progressa booked their spot in World Cup X with two games to spare, coming back from behind to secure a 2-1 defeat of Scaraba.

The Progressans went all out for victory in the opening twenty minutes, bombarding the Scaraban defence and almost taking the lead inside two minutes when Ekazen Waulino's speculative effort grazed the top of the crossbar. But the Progressans, vulnerable to the counter-attack, were caught out by <player>'s long ball into the heart of the defence on 18 minutes, misjudged by Eauam MacKazie to leave <player 2> a simple finish past Palera.

The Progressan response was merely to continue attacking, and it paid almost instant rewards when on 21 minutes, Faiwe Irafma, controlling a long ball on his thigh, evaded the onrushing goalkeeper before volleying into a net guarded only by a desperately sliding defender.

From then on, there was only one winner, the Progressans completely outplaying Scaraba and grabbing the inevitable second goal on 31 minutes through the less predictable source of Fek Inhea, who nodded home from a corner for his first goal of the campaign.

Continuous pressure from the Progressans thereafter somehow went unrewarded, and an obvious penalty against <player> when he bought down Irafma in first-half injury time somehow was not given. The second half proved to be shooting practice for the Progressans against their eliminated opposition, or perhaps more accurately a showcase for the Scaraban goalkeeper who showed astonishing skill in keeping the score to 2-1 throughout the second half. But that was enough - indeed, results elsewhere meant that this result was irrelevant - to ensure the Progressans reached their second consecutive World Cup.

There will still be plenty of determination for the match against Spaam, their last of this campaign in the Progressair Stadium, as the Progressans look to secure a 100% home record, avenge the 1-0 defeat in the Hormel Stadium and prevent Spaam gaining the win that would assure them of joining Kingsford and Kaze Progressa in the land of the spotted zuchinnis. 'After the despicable colony manouvering and their hatred of our Belmorian allies, Spaam is the one team we desperately want to beat,' said Irafma in a post-match interview. 750 seats in the Progressair Stadium have been sold to the Belmorian Football Association.

Sorry not been able to post been really busy. SHould get one out tomorrow though.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Football Team Couldn't Quite Make It
Major Setback By Losses To Weegies And Snub Nose 38

And then we went out. Disappointing, but only to be expected. The away match against The Weegies was a must-win match for Cockbill Street, yet they could only watch as the Weegies' attackers rolled up attack after attack down the middle. They had obviously watched the Ariddia game, and knew that Cockbill Street would play 3-4-3. Hence their central attackers had a field day, as Harmison and Golddevourer had to stay out on their wing, making the job very tough for Carboniferous in central defence. It didn't help that the midfielders made many silly mistakes, either, passing the ball to the Weegies' players who put the pressure on in midfield.

In the 18th minute, Brian McDuff stormed through the defense with some excellent dribbles, making it 1-0 for the visitors. Axewielder could maybe have grabbed the loose shot, but such things occur. The only half-decent Cockbill Street chance came in the 31st minute, when Tungsten-carbide struck a good drive from 12 yards, but it sailed over the bar. The Weegies scored another goal nine minutes after half-time, as Harry McMenamin crossed the ball in from a free-kick and Andy Quattro got a foot to it in the ensuing chaos. 2-0 to the Weegies

Then, against 6th-ranked Snub Nose 38, we went down 1-0 due to a very poor piece of goalkeeping from Jorn Axewielder. A shot from 30 metres by Malicious was going right into his hands, but for some reason it slipped through and went into the net. Axewielder was later quoted as saying "I must have had soap on my gloves, literally". No further comment apart from some very strange dwarfish swearwords could be heard.

C-mail ratings for The Weegies game: J Axewielder 5 - Harmison 3 (off 60 Eversham 5), Carboniferous 4, Golddevourer 3 - Calcite 5 (off 66 Petisha) Olsen 5, Lehrer 3, H Axewielder 6 - Tungsten-carbide 4, Quier 3, Beaver 3 (off 67 Brashear).

Final score:

The Weegies 2 (McDuff 18, McMenamin 31)
Cockbill Street 0

C-mail ratings for Snub Nose 38 game: J Axewielder 4 - Eversham 4, Carboniferous 5 (off 80 Harmison), Golddevourer 5 - Calcite 6 (off 56 Petisha 4) Olsen 5, Lehrer 4, H Axewielder 5 - Tungsten-carbide 4, Quier 6, Beaver 4 (off 44 Brashear 5).

The unofficial tables, worked out by the C-mail as based on Snub Nose 38's release for round 14:

[code:1:0a6f57862c]Snub Nose 38 (6) 15 11 2 2 26 9 17 35
The Weegies (50) 14 11 1 2 24 10 14 34
Arridia (20) 14 9 1 4 25 13 12 28
East Spaam (33) 14 6 1 7 18 18 0 19
Evisceratomatoes (74)14 5 4 5 13 15 -2 19
Cockbill Street 14 6 1 7 10 12 -2 19
A nation 14 3 2 9 8 19-11 11
Sensual Products (63)14 3 1 10 14 22 -8 10
Larkinia 15 1 5 9 7 27-20 8[/code:1:0a6f57862c]

The three qualifiers are now certain, Snub Nose 38, The Weegies and Ariddia.

The next match against East Spaam will be absolutely crucial. With a win, Cockbill Street can jump up to fourth place in the tables, while with a loss, we will most likely find ourselves in sixth and have a poor ranking position for the next World Cup.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Six
Bedistan does what no other team can and locks a qualifying berth

DENNISOV -- Gay indeed was the atmosphere in the visitors' locker room after matchday 16 in Dennisov.

Dennisov went into the match with an astounding 13-1-0 record, quite possibly the best seen in a World Cup qualifying series. Bedistan, after a lukewarm performance in the first half of qualifying, had been very much on the rebound, winning five of their last six games.

It was, quite literally, anyone's game.

Dennisov's Cheevers, perhaps the greatest goalkeeper in the world today, successfully kept his sheet clean for the entire first half. Meanwhile, one Dennish goal had been scored, marking the fourth consecutive match in which Chuck Mitchell has allowed one to pass. The home team held a 1-0 lead at halftime.

Barber, Lewis, and the team really weren't expecting to win this match. They were hoping for a draw, though, in order to help them along to qualification. When Fernando Sippel headed one in midway through the second half, it looked like the Lions had gotten the 1-1 draw they wanted.

But it wasn't over. A foul causing minor injury to forward Darren Morlock opened up a penalty kick. Claire Briscoe took the kick and it found the net. The team erupted into pre-emptive celebration as they took the lead. They were soon awakened by a fierce Dennish attack that Mitchell only just managed to parry. Javier Lewey finally sealed the match with another goal just seconds before the whistle. Bedistan finally handed Dennisov their first loss of World Cup 10 qualifying with the 3-1 victory.

Thanks to other match results, the Bedistan Lions have at last secured their qualifying position with two matches to go. There is still a possibility that they could move up to second place, but it would require wins in both remaining matches against Dark Outcasts and Kerla.

This is the sixth time the Lions have made it to the World Cup. So far, they have not failed to qualify, making it in World Cups 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.

-----------------

Final score:
Dennisov 1
Bedistan 3 (Sippel 69, Briscoe 74, Lewey 91)

Thomas Award points:
Morgan 1, Kucharski 2, Briscoe 2, Bean 1, Sippel 3, Mitchell 3, Lewey 2

Thomas Award frontrunners:
D. Morlock - 20
C. Mitchell - 17
C. Briscoe - 15

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock [Barcelo 74], Lewey, Sippel

Dennisov went into the match with an astounding 13-1-0 record, quite possibly the best seen in a World Cup qualifying series.

Quohog, TnUI, and I all went undefeated during World Cup 7 Qualifying. And, only 3 goals were scored on me.

'slaves go through
...just...

Having just beaten Davii confortably 3-1, the 'slaves went into the hella-important match with Clearwater full of confidence - but lost 0-1 on their own turf.

The Audioslavia players left the field dejected - until someone pointed out that, seing as Svecia and Clearwater have to play each other, it is impossible for them both to overtake the 'slaves.

Ah well :)

Final Scores:

Davii 1
Audioslavia 3 (King 24, Alayami 39, Smith 44)

Audioslavia 0
Clearwater 1 (some BASTARD 66)

[code:1:b766bdec90]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Ravenspire (3) 14 11 2 1 29 11 +18 35 Qlf
Audioslavia (18) 15 10 0 5 28 13 +15 30 Qlf
Svecia (22) 15 9 1 5 26 15 +11 28
Clearwater (80) 14 7 4 3 17 11 +6 25
Zinkoland (67) 14 6 3 5 15 13 +2 21 Eli
The Dragonian Empire (57) 14 6 2 6 22 21 +1 20 Eli
Dauragons 14 3 2 9 7 21 -14 11 Eli
Davii 14 2 2 10 6 26 -20 8 Eli
Citta Acqua 14 1 2 11 6 25 -19 5 Eli [/code:1:b766bdec90]

nearing the end of the longest qualification round in history, the 'slaves are second in the table, five points behind uncatchable Ravenspire, two points ahead of Svecia, and five points ahead of Clearwater who have a game in hand.

The final qualification spot is to be battled out by Svecia and Clearwater, who meet in Svecia next week. It is a case of winner takes all, seeing as Clearwater's game-in-hand is a home banker against Davii.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Pound Pavesia, Qualify With Two Games To Spare
PAVESIA - The Bulldogs have never beaten any team by more than 3 goals. They have never beaten any team on the road by more than 2 goals - until now. Quigley and Deppiesse proved today on the field against now-unranked Pavesia that the Bulldogs deserve more than the 3rd place which they held in the group as a result of their bye day. Each of them scored two goals, which combined with Vojtilo's 8th perfect game of the qualifiers to make a score which nobody will overlook.
(23) Commerce Heights 4 (Quigley 19, 67, Deppiesse 41, 55)
(UR) Pavesia 0 - FT
When combined with Kravoli's unexpected 3-2 win over Akbarland, the Bulldogs, along with Liverpool England and Halfassedstates, are qualified:
[code:1:db6e9ed5aa]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Liverpool England (2) 15 11 2 2 29 10 +19 35 QLF
Commerce Heights (23) 14 10 1 3 25 10 +15 31 QLF
Halfassedstates (19) 14 9 3 2 24 13 +11 30 QLF
Akbarland (51) 15 7 5 3 24 18 +6 26 ELM
Kravoli (81) 14 5 4 5 18 17 +1 19 ELM
Morawny (58) 14 5 2 7 20 19 +1 17 ELM
Pavesia 14 3 1 10 9 24 -15 10 ELM
EL CID THE HERO 14 2 3 9 9 23 -14 9 ELM
The Arrivian Alliance 14 0 3 11 8 32 -24 3 ELM[/code:1:db6e9ed5aa]
If the Bulldogs win both of their last two games, and Liverpool England (which has a bye on matchday 17) does not defeat HAS, or if the Bulldogs win one game by 4 and draw the other and LE loses to HAS, the Bulldogs will retake first place in the group.
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland – L 0-2
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-2
Day 14: at #2 Liverpool England – L 0-1
Day 16: at Pavesia – W 4-0
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:db6e9ed5aa] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 54 10 13 17 14
Wins 29 3 6 10 10
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 16 4 3 6 3
Avg. Opp. Rank 75.0 62.6 81.7 69.3 84.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.7 gpg
Goal Differential +23 -3 +5 +6 +15
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:db6e9ed5aa]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:db6e9ed5aa]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 14 8 0.57
C. Deppiesse 14 7 0.50
J. Cahalane 14 4 0.29
K. Decker 14 3 0.21
F. Wallace 14 2 0.14
K. DeGraffenreid 14 1 0.07

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 14 10 0.71

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 54 28 0.52
C. Deppiesse..** 31 12 0.39
J. Cahalane**** 53 14 0.26
K. Decker**** 54 14 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 32 6 0.19
M. McCormick.^^^ 11 2 0.18
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 14 1 0.07
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 53 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 47 54 1.15
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:db6e9ed5aa]
OOC: You'd think I'd get my record margin of victory in a home game, wouldn't you? ;)

Paladins beat Kamakaza in kilts

Entire Paladins squad shows up in scottish attire

Instead of the typical blue and black shorts worn by Paladin players, the high schoolers in last nights game opted instead to wear kilts.

This certainly scared the heck out of Kamakaza players and fans alike as the Paladins scored two early goals to put it away.

"As the game went on, they got used to the sight of men in skirts," said keeper Sebastien Lebeau. "But the entire defense seemed to be shocked."

Fowards Cecil Cavalier and Benoit Beauregard took advantage of this fact to put the ball in on the first two shots made by the Paladins.

After that it was a purely defensive effort by the Paladins. In a daring move the formation was changed ON FIELD from a 3-4-3 to a 4-5-1. This gave the States the needed power on defense to beat back a determined Kamakaza attack that lasted all second half and most of the first.

10 saves by goalteander Adam Lepen earned him commendations from all parties involved as his brilliance guarenteed him a massive contract for a pro team after the qualifiers are over.

Other News

Cockbill Street was officially eliminated, but still have a strong chance at fourth place. Bedistan handed Dennisov it's first loss in the tournament and in the process secured themselves the final slot in Group 7.

We’ve Got Him!!!

Renegade Referee Carlos Contramistic Captured in “Spider Hole”

From our news services...

Unknown location–Warnocks Wizards Football Chairman Globmazh the Mean gleefully proclaimed: “We got him!” to a hastily called gathering of press. WW security forces have apprehended the infamous Mr. Carlos Contramistic, the referee directly involved in two heavy Wizards defeats (at the Frosty Cup a few years ago, and most recently at the Europa Brittania-Warnocks Wizards world cup qualifier). He is also thought to be involved in a larger conspiracy to prevent the Wizards from ever qualifying for the World Cup. Mr. Contramistic, a prominent member of the anti-Wizard cult, the Unreconstructed Unreformed Church of Wizard-Hating and Burning J.R.R. Tolkien Books, was captured by an elite WW security force late last night. He was holed up in a “spider hole” in an undisclosed location. Shelob-VIII-Legs, spokesspider for the Council of Warnocks Wizards Giant But Peace-Loving and Not-at-All-Evil Spiders, has announced that the spider hole was not of her or any other WW spider’s kin. In short, Carlos the Chimp was holed up in a renegade spider hole. Stay tuned for further developments in this breaking story...

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Due to the media and most Wizardites being drawn into coverage of the hunt for Carlos Contramistic, we wish to apologise to our readers for the delay in the following World Cup Reports. Normal service will now be resumed...

Wizards Crash at Europa Brittania; Referee/Villain Unmasked!

Ufwurz Ejected & Dejected at Four Penalties at World Cup Qualifier

From our news services...

Matchday 12, Europa Brittania–Last evening the Warnocks Wizards were hoodwinked by a nefarious sporting official that is infamous to Wizardites everywhere. It is true, Carlos Contramistic was revealed as the official who presided over the Europa Brittania-Warnocks Wizards match which ended 4-1 in favour of the home side, in no small part because of the decisions of the mop-headed referee. Europa Brittania were awarded no less than four penalties in a farce of a match that ended with Warnocks Wizards manager Ufwurz the Furious confronting the referee and pulling the mask off of his head at full time.

http://lindalamm.yearbookhigh.com/hairdo.gif
Carlos Contramistic, Crooked Referee

Ufwurz used an unchanged side to face the reigning world champs, and the Red and White Wizards began well. Ghazghash the Sleazy and Bagdreg the Mauler were orchestrating the attack from midfield and the Wizards took a surprise lead on 16 minutes. Bagdreg’s floated ball into the box found the quick Ishklash the Snooty whose cross/shot found Ashmazh the Tough at the back post. The Uruk’Hai target man kneed the pass home for a 1-0 lead. The home crowd were in shock. The referee then took centre stage of a true comedy. Mausnik the Cleaver was adjudged to have breathed too heavily on a EB player on 38 minutes. Penalty to the home side. 1-1 at the half. Manager Ufwurz was furious and steaming on the touchline. His effort to speak with the match official at half time was for not, as the referee snuck away to his dressing room.

The referee took up the starring role in the second half, awarding no less than three more penalties to the home side. In the referee’s own words via mobile phone after the match, Ghaztrak the Gouger was penalised for “ looking menacingly” at his opponents and the officiating crew. Ghazukh the Burner was penalised for “being far too good a player for his own good.” Finally, Ghazghash the Sleazy was penalised for “lacking good dress sense.” Europa Brittania converted all three penalty chances and ran out 4-1 winners. Manager Ufwurz ran out onto the pitch before the referee could blow for full time. A brief scuffle ensued between Ufwurz and the match official, during which the referee’s rather unconvincing Elvis mask slipped off, revealing him to be none other than Carlos Contramistic, the bane of the Frosty Cup. Europa Britannia officials intervened and Contramistic was able to escape. After the match, Manager Ufwurz and Warnocks Wizards Football Federation Chairman Globmazh the Mean called for a hunt to bring Carlos the Chimp to justice.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver (Ufdush the Nasty 67), Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ghazghash the Sleazy (Burzgob the Butcher 79), Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty (Globdreg the Destroyer 82).

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Zagag the Sleak.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards host World Cup 11 bid partners Total n Utter Insanity at Fortress Warnock. It is a must win if the Wizards hope to qualify for World Cup 10.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

In a shocking upset, Sliponia has defeated Ianisle 1-0. Coach Gansler had this to say:

"It's good to get that second win, which was what we did in our other World Cup. Hopefully in the XI we can win 3, or hell, even qualify!"

There’s Still Hope on Mount Doom!

Globdreg Backs Red and White Wizards into Chance of Qualification

From our news services...

Matchday 13, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–The Red and White Wizards kept their chance of qualifying alive last night in incredible fashion. Globdreg the Destroyer’s unorthodox finish gave the Wizards all three points in a hard fought 1-0 match against qualification rivals Total n Utter Insanity. With the score 0-0 late in the match and the Wizards desperately needing the victory in a classic “six point” encounter, Manager Ufwurz the Furious (curiously not suspended after his altercation with pseudo official Carlos Contramistic in Europa Brittania), threw on Globdreg as his final substitution. With just five minutes left and the match seemingly headed for a 0-0 draw, the Wizards won a corner. Bagdreg the Mauler’s low, driven cross eluded the Insane defense and was heading for Globdreg. Finding himself facing the wrong direction due to some tight Insane defending, The Uruk’Hai target man stuck out his right buttock and deflected the winning goal past a stunned Insane keeper. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards and the home crowd at Fortress Warnock went barmy. Qualification hope for World Cup 10 is still alive.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger (Globdreg the Destroyer 83), Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Burzgob the Butcher (Gabdul the Looter 70), Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated (Zagag the Sleak 74), Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards welcome Usania to Fortress Warnock. The Wizards will hope for a repeat performance of Matchday 5, when they defeated the nation of disinformation 1-0.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Grigala defeated 2-nil
Wonderteam bags yet another victory at home.

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Amalgamated Stadium played host to the first Oglethorpian match without Mike Fuschia's bureaucracy; and it turned out to be an exciting one. The Wonderteam would face Grigala, having defeated them in the first matchup between the two sides. The Wonderteam took charge against Grigala early on, Torrence Black scoring the first goal in the 12th minute.

While it seemed that Oglethorpia's powerful offense would crack open the Grigalan defense like it had against so many other teams, it didn't turn out so, the match going to the half with the Wonderteam only up by one goal.

"I thought we were going to score a ton against them like against Irrevilentsdom," said Torrence Black, "but apparently not."

Not until the second half would the Wonderteam get their second, this time Kirk Calhoun with a well placed header off of Floyd Black's corner in the 54th.

Oglethorpian fans were astonished to see the entire full time of the match finished in under two hours, and have applauded the consolidation of the bureaucracy that normally plagues Oglethorpian Wonderteam matches. "That was so fast," said one Wonderteam fan in full Oglethorpian gear. "I expected Mike Fuschia to walk out at least a dozen times, but he didn't turn up till the end of the match -- it was great!"

George McDouglas was pleased with the match. "It took us to play Nikea to cut off all that red tape; if we had sold-out crowds with bureaucracy, imagine how big they could be without!"

For the Wonderteam's last two matches on matchdays 17 and 18, Oglethorpia faces Senoj and SPARTEN (respectively) in [mostly] bureaucracy-free matches. Both will be away games.

While the Wonderteam has two matches left in qualifying, they've already secured a place in the first round.

More on the Oglethorpian Wonderteam's progress as it comes.

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (T. Black 12th, K. Calhoun 54th)
Grigala - 0

A 1-0 win away at Agnosticium was all the Crocodiles needed to clinch qualification and take sole posession of top spot in their group. "Apart from the Lemming curse, we remain undefeated," said Canabe Livit, the sole goal scorer. "We can beqat any team in the world, as long as it's not Lemmitania."

Barring a loss in both their final matches, Lemmitania will also go through. The final spot is in contention between The Lowland Clans and Busby, with Belmorian Scandinavia still in with an outside chance.

[code:1:1ab67519cb]
Tanah Burung (24)* * * * * *14 11* 1* 2 23* 6 +17* 34 Qlf
Lemmitania (8)* * * * * * * 14 10* 1* 3 23* 9 +14* 31 Max Pts: 37
The Lowland Clans (43)* * * 15* 9* 1* 5 32 15 +17* 28 Max Pts: 31
Busby (17)* * * * * * * * * 14* 8* 3* 3 19 12* +7* 27 Max Pts: 33*
Belmorian Scandinavian (66) 14* 7* 3* 4 17 14* +3* 24 Max Pts: 30
[/code:1:1ab67519cb]

In other news, Bi Kikere has ordered controversial referee-in-hiding Carlos Contramistic to be stripped of his citizenship for crimes against football. The outrageously coiffed Wizard-hater is "a disgrace to his profession," she told the press. "We're all about religous tolerance, even for wacky wizardly types. Also, i love the hypnotic rhythm of the Uruk-hai dance." She called for Contramistic to be tried by an international tribunal and not "some trumped-up Wizard kangaroo court, i mean, fair and even-handed court."

Asked for comment on the qualification of Commerce Heights, Bi Kikere refused to comment. She did however announce a small government subsidy for pirate television operators who are illegally re-broadcasting PariMedia feed without licensing permission. "Copyright is copy wrong," she said.

The Truth is In

Wizards Defeat Usania on Mount Doom

From our news services...

Matchday 14, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Warnocks Wizards qualification chances received a boost last night with a comprehensive 2-0 victory over newcomer nation Usania. Goals either side of halftime by Ishklash the Snooty demonstrated the difference in class between the two sides. Though, it must be said, had forward Quentin Belmore not had a nightmare during the match, the result might have been different. Believing Uruk’Hai defender Mausnik the Cleaver to be a giraffe who was intent on grazing on his limbs, Blemore ducked out of a few challenges for high balls. When he found himself with a clear chance at goal, the Usanian player chose to balloon the shot over thinking the crowd behind the goal to be bowling pins which just had to be knocked over to win that nice pink teddy bear sitting between the white posts. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 2, Usania 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner (Ufdush the Nasty 84), Burzgob the Butcher, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler (Durbret the Choker 80), Zagag the Sleak, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Gabdul the Looter, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards travel to #13-ranked Runaway Moose. Any kind of result against the battling moose would be quite an achievement.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

OOC: !#(*$)&^!# forum! Spent two+hours writing & "posting" RP - forum ate RP. Computer now has large dent in side. RP later after I try to recreate it.


IC:
[code:1:1392ccde7d]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
9 The Weegies (50) 15 12 1 2 27 11 16 37 40 roster Qlf
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 15 35 35 roster Qlf
3 Arridia (20) 15 10 1 4 29 15 14 31 34 roster Qlf
8*Cockbill Street 15 7 1 7 13 11 2 22 25 roster elim
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)15 6 4 5 14 15 -1 22 25 elim
4 East Spaam (33) 15 6 1 8 18 20 -2 19 22 elim
5 A nation 15 3 2 10 8 20-12 11 14 elim
6 Sensual Products (63)15 3 1 11 16 26-10 10 13 elim
2 Larkinia 15 1 5 9 7 27-20 8 11 elim

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit matchday 10, 3 “goals for” awarded to Cockbill Street

Max Poss Pts = maximum points side can attain if it wins all it’s remaining matches (1 for all other sides except Snub Nose 38 who have a bye)

roster = published a team roster
[/code:1:1392ccde7d]Strictly Ballroom

Wizards Runaway with Point Against the Moose

National Team Earns a Vital 0-0 Draw

From our news services...

Matchday 15, Runaway Moose–Warnocks Wizards earned a vital point in world cup qualifying last night with a difficult 0-0 draw against 13th-ranked Runaway Moose. Manager Ufwurz the Furious consulted with football guru Guntur Ruak in preparation for the match, knowing that any result the team could come away with from this tie could prove all-important in attempting to make the trip to One Giant Red Dot Zucchini. Ruak, a master and advocate of the 0-0 draw, suggested that Ufwurz employ a 2-7-1 formation to frustrate and “stagnify” (Ruak’s word) the potent Moose attack. To that end, Ghazukh the Burner and Ishklash the Snooty moved to midfield. Recalled to the starting eleven were Bublok the Destroyer and Durbret the Choker. The Wizards stymied the Moose, but were able to create little in the way for themselves. In the end, Ruak and Ufwurz will be content with the result. Full time: Runaway Moose 0, Warnocks Wizards 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Burzgob the Butcher, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Durbret the Choker (Gromdul the Gasher 70), Ishklash the Snooty (Ghaztrak the Gouger 80), Ashmazh the Tough.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Gabdul the Looter, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 3, the Red and White Wizards welcome Lanky Dude to Fortress Warnock. Manager Ufwurz will be hoping for a repeat of the Wizards earlier 3-2 victory over the Dudes in String Beanville.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Red and White Wizards Put Lanky Dude to the Sword

National Team Gives Entertaining Performance in 3-1 Victory at Fortress Warnock

From our news services...

Matchday 16, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–The Red and White Wizards continued their good form last night with an excellent 3-1 victory over Lanky Dude on Mount Doom. A brace of goals from the impressive Bagdreg the Mauler and a lone strike from Zagag the Sleak gave all three points to the National Team, and improved their chances on qualifying for the world cup.

After the well earned point at Runaway Moose, Manager Ufwurz the Furious reverted to his favoured 4-3-1-2 formation. Returning to the lineup were left back Ghaztrak the Gouger and attacking midfielder Zagag the Sleak. The Wizards controlled the match throughout. The midfield four–Burzgob the Butcher, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, and Gabdul–are coming to top form at just the right time. Bagdreg opened the scoring on 25 minutes. Ghazghash slipped the ball to the silky Boromir Blades player, who mauled a volley past the hapless and helpless blighted, benighted Sir Lanky the First. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. The home team took the lead to halftime.

Manager Ufwurz could be heard encouraging his players in the dressing room as The Entish Choral Society entertained the crowd at halftime. The Wizards came out in the second half charged up, and ready to chop down the Fighting String Beans. It was Bagdreg again who finished off a fine move including no less than eight passes in the build up. The Mauler’s wicked left footer was merely waved at by the First Lanky. 2-0 to the Red and White Wizards. Substitute Zagag the Sleak finished the game off on 80 minutes when he danced through the Lanky defense and finished easily past the flapping hands of the despairing Sir Lanky. 3-0 to the Red and White Wizards and the land was celebrating. The Lanky ones added a consolation goal in stoppage time when David Busby’s poorly struck ball fooled Urklok the Despolier. The goal signalled nothing more than the end of an excellent Wizards performance. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 3, Lanky Dude 1.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Burzgob the Butcher, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough (Zagag the Sleak 72), Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Bublok the Destroyer, Globdreg the Destroyer.

With the victory, the Red and White Wizards are undefeated in their last four qualifying matches, but they still need some help in trying to reach One Red Giant Dot Zucchini. Should the Wizards win their final two matches (away at newcomers Jaurania and Microbrits), they will only earn world cup qualification if Usania defeats rivals Total n Utter Insanity on the final matchday.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

(from the diary of George Michael)

http://www.wmmx.com/george%20michael.jpg
Liverpool England is Super!

Dear Diary, I just love it in Liverpool England! It's super duper! Hehehe! The team told me that we're going to One Red Dot or Giant Zucchini, and I'm excited. I hope we go to Giant Zucchini, because Zucchini is one of my favorite foods. Of course, I've never eaten one. Yeow! Welp, I gots to run, the team is taking a shower, and I can't miss out on the action! Byes!

Peace, Love, and Rock & Roll,

-George Michael

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/parimedia%20breaking%20news.gif
PariMedia Threatens Lawsuit On Tanah Burung Government
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Today, Bi Kikere, best known throughout Paripana as the Tanah Burung soccer coach that defeated Commerce Heights, was quoted as claiming that the Tanah Burung government would provide a subsidy to television operators within the nation illegally rebroadcasting PariMedia feeds. Dalen Quaice, PariMedia's CEO, has said, "Even ignoring the fact that they are stealing our feeds, the government of Tanah Burung is supporting those people who have chosen to commit illegal acts. We cannot allow them to continue these acts at the expense of media corporations across the world." PariMedia announced today that, should Tanah Burung not cease its subsidies for the criminals, it would file a lawsuit against the Tanah Burung government.

The nation of Svecia has suddenly turned their attention to their voetbal team's last chance to make it into the group stage. Despite, or maybe because of, their nation's recent ejection from their home region of the Confederation of Libertarians, the nation is suddenly captivated by this year's tournament, but particulary their beloved Lightning's down-to-the-wire qualifying run. The team's efforts have boosted as of late, despite an injury to star Francisco Cardini in Matchday 12 that has knocked him out of the rest of the qualifying games, and Svecia will play their final match at home to determine their fate, although not in their normal region.

Final Hopes Laid to Rest
Suddenly punchless Ians fall 0-1 in Sliponia

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

SLIPONIA -- After a decidedly up and down season, the Iansisle Ians were pushed out of competition with only two days of qualification remaining.

It is really a small wonder the Ians weren’t able to get any sort of offense going: star striker Leonard Flaherty was out with a broken nose, apparently suffered falling down after Saturday’s humiliating loss to Oddslavo. Without him, the Ians offense seemed like a lost group of puppies, wandering about the field with no real aim or purpose.

Also on the missing list in Sliponia was Coach Lord Riveran, who was apparently called away on urgent business to his home town of Dunerbridge. Reportedly, the coach’s father (the Earl of Dunerbridge) is in a state of poor health requiring his son’s attention. Assistant Coach David Westmore refused to confirm those suspicions or offer any alternative scenarios, saying that the coach’s business was his own.

“It may be his own,” said Dale Clipper, an Ians fanatic who made the voyage to Sliponia to watch the game, “but that ‘business’ just cost the Ians their shot at the Cup. Sure, having Flaherty out hurts, but have you ever seen such a moron as that Westmore cad? Bloody poor roster management, no coordination at all - I can’t wait until he’s ready to play again, as he’s nothing short of awful as a coach.”

Even more curious than Westmore’s performance on the sidelines was his pre and post game news conferences. Westmore refused not only to comment on the whereabouts of Lord Riveran, but also about the nature of Flaherty’s injury.

“Leonard just had a bit of an accident yesterday in the locker room,” Westmore said. “The doctor’s have assured me that it’s nothing serious, and he may even be ready to play against Aquilla.”

“If it’s so ‘not serious,’” wondered Clipper, adding his own quotation marks, “then why in blazes couldn’t he play today? I get the idea that he’s not telling us everything.”

It remains to be seen if Riveran will return for the game against Aquilla tomorrow at Westergate Grounds. But whatever the result, it has become painfully clear that the Ians are fighting ‘for the glory of the King and the Commonwealth’ rather than ‘for the world cup.’

In other news, Bi Kikere has ordered controversial referee-in-hiding Carlos Contramistic to be stripped of his citizenship for crimes against football. The outrageously coiffed Wizard-hater is "a disgrace to his profession," she told the press. "We're all about religous tolerance, even for wacky wizardly types. Also, i love the hypnotic rhythm of the Uruk-hai dance." She called for Contramistic to be tried by an international tribunal and not "some trumped-up Wizard kangaroo court, i mean, fair and even-handed court."

***Press Release***
***Ready for Immediate Distribution***

Warnocks Wizards, Ministry of Police--A ministry spokesperson issued a short statement today in response to the words of Tanah Burung official Bi Kikere. It reads as follows:

"The Ministry of Police announces today that it has taken into custody one Carlos Contramistic, the infamous football official known to some as 'Carlos the Chimp.' Mr. Contramistic is being questioned regarding his involvement in several nefarious acts perpetrated against Warnocks Wizards national football team. In addition to questioning this individual regarding his role in two well reported cases of Crimes Against Football, this office is investigating allegations that the accused is involved in a wider conspiracy against the peoples of the Empire of Warnocks Wizards. We will advise the public of any further findings we may have as and when they become available.

As for what legal action will be taken against Mr. Contramistic, that is also undetermined at this time. We would however wish to dispel rumours that he will be tried in front of a kangaroo court. As our native citizens know, we have no kangaroos in Warnocks Wizards. Therefore, trying an individual before such a body would seem counterproductive and would be rather difficult to arrange."

Spaam On Red Alert

With Spaam's 3 nil win last night, after their much anticipated loss, Spaam has been put on red alert, on the eve of mass dissapointment. Spaam has not yet been eliminated from qualifying, and with only two games left to play, the government has been called in to try and alleviate the situation. Spaam will not be winning either of the next two matches (because they will then qualify, which is not gonna happen), and Eauz will be winning their last match after their bye (because if they lose, Spaam will qualify, which is not going to happen). There is also slight chance that Spaam will lose both their matches and Eauz will draw theirs, in which case, Spaam will also not qualify. There has also been talk of combining with the Kaze Progessan government, who are adamant about Spaam not qualifying, to curb the possible mass dissapointment.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Qualifies for WCX
Win In Haraki gives Pandas final 32 Spot
by Markenin Markenel

HARAKI(NP) - The Pandas qualified for their second straight World Cup yesterday, and did it with 2 matches to spare, rather than waiting until the last minute like four years ago.

Jerin Istertel's 59th minute goal, which was the result of a Mersentel free kick that found the veteran forward's head, helped put the visiting Pandas past Haraki, who had humiliated the Pandas 4-0 in Queldas back on matchday 7.

With the win, Nikea has now ensured a spot in Giant Zucchini or One Red Dot. With only two games remaining for all the teams still in the running, Nikea's 32 points, along with Rejistania's 25 from today's surprising draw with Irreliventsdom, leave them no worse than third in the group, sending them through. The next match day should prove vitally important for both Rejistania and Nastic, as Rejistania, currently four points back of Nastic, must win against Nastic in Matchday 17 in order to have any hope, but they then face the daunting task of defeating the Pandas in Nikea on the final matchday, although manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel has said that he will be using his teenage squad for the final two matches.

Some interesting facts about Nikea's World Cup Qualifying Run so far:

- Since Matchday 12's loss to Nastic, Nikea has not allowed a single goal, despite playing the entire substitute roster for two of those matches.

- The world's best offence, in Oglethorpia, who have scored 36 goals in 14 matches, have not been able to get a goal past Kalessin Quertel so far this qualifying round.

- Along with the Wonderteam, Nikea has shut out both Senoj and Irreliventsdom in both meetings thus far.

The Pandas visit Grigala, who are the third worst team in the world, for the next matchday before the final encounter with Rejistania two weeks from today.

[code:1:83cfd3aa5b]
Haraki 0
v.
Nikea 1 (Istertel 59)
[/code:1:83cfd3aa5b]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea W 3-0
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas D 0-0
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

Tranquillitis Nyheter
Tjänande Anden sedan den är 1955

Preparations for Empress Supercup Begin in Earnest
-Erik Åkerfeldt

ERIKSBERG - Tranquillitis Fotboll Forbundet President Markus Gustafsson today issued the first statement regarding the Empress Supercup, the third incarnation of the tournament for teams who show entertainment value, yet fail to qualify for the World Cup.

"I can tell you that we have sent out invitations to a few teams already eliminated, and will be closely watching the final two matchdays for other teams who fall out of the running that may merit an invitation," he said at today's press conference, the scar on his forward a brutal reminder of his experience in Warnocks Wizards in the Cup of Harmony.

"In the interest of fairness, the Tranquillitis Moose will not be participating in the Supercup, as our team does not have an official ranking following the controversy heading into World Cup X. I am also unsure on how many teams will be participating, either eight or ten depending on who's eliminated."

Further results will follow following Matchday 18.

Belmorian Scandinavia face tough run-in
Belmorian Scandinavia has got a hard task in trying to qualify for WC10 with our last two matches being against Lemmitania and Busby, putting our qualification in our hands. Our first match, against 2nd Place Lemmitania is a crucial one, a team already qualified might give us a chance to play Busby in a showdown match on the last day. Even if we beat Busby we need to hope that The Lowland Clans either draw or lose against Stealth Zerbert which is on the unlikly side as last time the 2 teams met it was a 3-0 victory for The Lowland Clans.

Weegies Star Sport Report

For the first time in their International career, The Weegies have qualified for a place in the illustrious Tenth World Cup Finals, held in One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini, thanks to a 4-2 win against newcomers Larkinia, and a decent 2-0 victory against the decent new side Cockbill Street, considered by quite a few Weegie football pundits to be one of the good eliminated sides who'll participate in the consolation tournament, the Empress Supercup.

Larkinia away was not a particularly terrifying prospect for the fantastically performing Weegie side, normally considered to be little underdogs rather than a big international side. Maybe it gave them a little overconfidence, which led to complacency, as Larkinia, banged in two goals in quick succession. First, a defensive error from Hussein in the 25th minute led to a Larkinian winger smash the ball across the box, connecting with an attacker who nodded it past the unassuming Weir, who had been chosen for the match due to the relative timidity of the Larkinian attack, but considering his performances in the Qualifiers, may never play international football again, as he looks far out of his depth.

The Larkinians doubled their lead in the 37th minute, when Hussein again proved his worth to the Larkinian attack. This time by deflecting a shot which looped in a rediculous arc over him and soared into the back of the net. Even then, Weir should have saved it. Caretaker player/managers Smith and Harrison looked stunned as a dejected side trawled off facing a 2-goal deficit.

Come the second half, with Weir and Hussein replaced, the Weegie attack showed its true potential, with goals raining in.

Smith got the first, scrabbling past a Larkinian defender, a narrow angled shot squealed past the goalkeeper to get the Weegies back in the game. Then Kincaid got in on the act, a 30-yard cannonball from the far edge of the box curling past the keeper and into the goal.
Smith then got the Weegies the lead, with a one-two played with De Bruis, ending in a simple close range volley. The final goal was got by Mardot, heading the ball past the keeper in the dying seconds to gain a resounding win for the island team.

And it's on to WCX we go...

Svecia all but out
'slaves prepare for Ravens

The next matchday will decide whether Svecia or Clearwater will go through to world cup 10.

[code:1:1cfdaf2ffe]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Ravenspire (3) 15 12 2 1 31 12 +19 38 Qlf
Audioslavia (18) 15 10 0 5 28 13 +15 30 Qlf
Svecia (22) 16 9 1 6 27 17 +10 28
Clearwater (80) 15 8 4 3 19 12 +7 28
Zinkoland (67) 15 7 3 5 17 13 +4 24 Eli
The Dragonian Empire (57) 15 7 2 6 24 21 +3 23 Eli
Dauragons 15 3 2 10 7 23 -16 11 Eli
Davii 15 2 2 11 7 28 -21 8 Eli
Citta Acqua 15 1 2 12 6 27 -21 5 Eli
[/code:1:1cfdaf2ffe]

Although level on points, Svecia have played all their games whereas Clearwater have one game left.

Unfortunately for the svecians, this game is at home to Davii, a team which has won just twice in fifteen games. Svecia have to be hoping for a miracle for Clearwater to be beaten. Unfortunatley, Svecia only have themselves to blame. A win or a draw in their home match with Clearwater today would have guaranteed them a spot in the cup. As it is, they are almost certain to miss out for the second year running.

The final day also sees a bit of a grudge match between the top two, already qualified sides.

Audioslavia thumped Ravenspire 3-1 in the first game, and the Ravens will be looking to avenge that defeat this time round. The 'slaves however, will be resting their better players for the match.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

Forum Found Faulty
Sten Mike Easter, ASPN wire

Double, and sometimes even Triple, posting has been noted on the forum. This artilce serves the threefold purpose of announcing this phenomenon, decrying it, and assuring all that the Snub Nose 38 media never double or triple post. :wink:

Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

Solid Second Seems Satisfactory Says Sides Sensai Sagely
Sten Remington Grey

Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, is satisfied with the side qualifying for the World Cup X Tournament proper with second place in Group 1.

“Well, First would have been nicer,” Ben said at today’s press conference, “But the goal was to qualify – and we were among the first eight sides to lock in a place in the World Cup. Several of the sides in this group proved to be tougher on the pitch than on paper.”

When asked which sides he was referring to, Ben responded, “For one, The Weegies. They’re ranked 50th – that’s gonna improve, they’re an excellent team. Cockbill Street are another example. Coming into this competition for the first time, completely unranked, they were surprisingly skillful. Look, they’re holding down 4th place in Group 1 now, and seem very likely to end Matchday 18 still in 4th. In an easier group, they probably would have gone through. And Evisceratomatoes – ranked 74th, losing their entire side in that East Spaam massacre, and foreiting match 10 to Cockbill Street by 3 goals, they’re still 5th by Goal Differential to Cockbill Street – by 3 goals. They just might wind up 4th.”

When asked to comment on the other sides in Group 1, Ben said, “Well, Arridia was talented and tough, and we expected that. Larkinia and A nation are new to football at this level, and it shows. But, sometime in World Cup 11 or 12, they’re gonna be contenders. Sensual Products was a bit of a disappointment – they should have finished a little higher in the group, but sometimes the ball just doesn’t’ roll your way. East Spaam – I really think that some of their key players have been playing injured – it never helps when your “go to” guys are hobbled up.”

When asked to predict who was likely to win the Cup, Ben said it would be ridiculous to try to make that kind of prediction, and refused to.

“Look,” he said, “They finest 32 sides in the world are gonna wind up in Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot competing against one another for the Cup. On any given day, any one of these side can beat any other. It’s a matter of intensity, desire, and luck. They’ve all got the skill, fitness, and ability. One thing may help us, and several other sides, and that’s having a “bye” on matchday 18. Gives us a bit of extra time to rest and prepare. We’re not counting on that to make the difference, though. We’re counting on 22 extremely gifted athletes to make the difference.”

When asked who those 22 extremely gifted athletes were, Ben offered to make some undesirable, and highly improbable, physical re-arrangements to the questioner.

Tickets for all Snub Nose 38 Hooligan World Cup X first round matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

Current Group 1 Standings, as well as their schedule for matchday 18, and results from matchdays 1 through 17, are provided below by the Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids.

If you didn’t catch the Hooligans last match with The Weegies, highlights and commentary will be re-broadcast by ASPN later today.
[code:1:7151a04bdb]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
9 The Weegies (50) 15 12 1 2 27 11 16 37 40 roster Qlf
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 15 35 35 roster Qlf
3 Arridia (20) 15 10 1 4 29 15 14 31 34 roster Qlf
8*Cockbill Street 15 7 1 7 13 11 2 22 25 roster elim
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)15 6 4 5 14 15 -1 22 25 elim
4 East Spaam (33) 15 6 1 8 18 20 -2 19 22 elim
5 A nation 15 3 2 10 8 20-12 11 14 elim
6 Sensual Products (63)15 3 1 11 16 26-10 10 13 elim
2 Larkinia 15 1 5 9 7 27-20 8 11 elim

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit matchday 10, 3 “goals for” awarded to Cockbill Street

Max Poss Pts = maximum points side can attain if it wins all it’s remaining matches (1 for all other sides except Snub Nose 38 who have a bye)
[/code:1:7151a04bdb]
Group 1, Matchday 18 Schedule
Larkinia at Arridia
East Spaam at Evisceratomatoes
Sensual Products at The Weegies
Cockbill Street at A nation
Snub Nose 38 - bye


Group 1 Results Matchday 1 - 17
Matchday 1 Results
Larkinia 1 at Snub Nose 38 4
East Spaam 1 at Arridia 3
Sensual Products 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 2 Results
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Larkinia 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Arridia 1
East Spaam 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at The Weegies 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 3 Results
East Spaam 1 at Snub Nose 38 1
The Weegies 2 at Arridia 1
Larkinia 1 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 1 at Cockbill Street 0
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 4 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Larkinia 1
The Weegies 1 at East Spaam 0
Snub Nose 38 1 at A nation 0
Arridia 2 at Evisceratomatoes 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 5 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at Arridia 2
Larkinia 0 at East Spaam 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at The Weegies 2
A nation - bye

Matchday 6 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Larkinia 1
Arridia 3 at A nation 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 2 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 7 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Snub Nose 38 2
A nation 1 at East Spaam 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at Sensual Products 0
Larkinia 0 at The Weegies 2
Arridia - bye

Matchday 8 Results
Arridia 4 at Sensual Products 3
A nation 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
East Spaam 0 at Cockbill Street 1
Snub Nose 38 3 at The Weegies 0
Larkinia - bye

Matchday 9 Results
Arridia 2 at Larkinia 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at Cockbill Street 2
Snub Nose 38 - bye

Matchday 10 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Larkinia 0
Arridia 4 at East Spaam 1
A nation 1 at Sensual Products 0
Evisceratomatoes forfeit 3 GF to Cockbill Street
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 11 Results
Larkinia 1 at Evisceratomatoes 4
Arridia 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Sensual Products 0 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 12 Results
Snub Nose 38 3 at East Spaam 0
Arridia 0 at The Weegies 2
A nation 0 at Larkinia 0
Sensual Products 1 Cockbill Street 2 at Sensual Products 1
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 13 Results
Larkinia 0 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam 0 at The Weegies 2
A nation 0 at Snub Nose 38 1
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Arridia 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 14 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Sensual Products 1
Arridia 0 at Cockbill Street 1
East Spaam 1 at Larkinia
The Weegies 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
A nation - bye

Matchday 15 Results
Larkinia 0 at Sensual Products 4
A nation 1 at Arridia 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at The Weegies 2
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 16 Results
Snub Nose 38 1 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam 4 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 4 at Larkinia 2
Arridia – bye

Matchday 17 Results
Sensual Products 2 at Arridia 4
Evisceratomatoes 1 at A nation 0
Cockbill Street 2 at East Spaam 0
The Weegies 3 at Snub Nose 38 1
Larkinia - bye

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street make meat of East Spaam
Thrilling run-in for fourth place expected

"Spam egg spam spam bacon and spam, spam sausage spam spam bacon..." thus went the chant of the 115,000-strong crowd at Vimesbairn National as Harald Axewielder scored his second goal of the day to send East Spaam back home with no points. A splendid performance, which was only rivalled by that famous 1-0 defeat of Ariddia in this qualifying, now sees Cockbill Street with an amazing 22 points from 15 games and one huge chance for fourth place in the group.

As for the match, it was hugely enjoyable - well, for 95 % of the crowd anyway. The inhumane behaviour by our visitors in the match against Evisceratomatoes was punished well and truly. Many attacks came down the right, where youngster Harald Axewielder as usually ruled his wing. He was man of the match for Cockbill Street today, as in many other matches, but lacks the experience to perform consistenly. Still, the C-mail would rather have eight good games and eight poor rather than sixteen consistent poor. Axewielder's first excellent performance was when he did two one-twos with Ian Olsen and Thomas Lehrer to snip past three defenders, making the right wing open. He then crossed the ball excellently into the box, but over the defenders.

Cockbill Street waited till the thirty-first minute to score a goal. A corner kick from Simon Quier was cleared out of the box, but Harald Axewielder lashed out a perfect shot from twenty metres that beat the East Spaamian keeper and made 1-0. Weak chants of "The Spam Song" could be heard, and these grew stronger squarely proportional with Cockbill Street's chance of winning the game.

Eight minutes from time, the match was decided. And again, the wonderful Axewielder did the trick. He sent the whole of East Spaam's right side defense into the hot dog shop, before angling into the box and finishing it off. It was actually a pretty poor shot, but the keeper threw himself the wrong way for some reason, and the ball rolled peacefully into the net. The local crowd was not so peaceful however, and the East Spaam guests in the stands started to depart in disgrace.

Final score:
Cockbill Street 2 (H Axewielder 30, 82)
East Spaam 0.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Eversham 6, Carboniferous 7 (off 66 Harmison), Golddevourer 7 - Calcite 6, Olsen 6, Lehrer 5 (off 71 Petisha), H Axewielder 8 - Tungsten-carbide 7, Quier 6 (off 49 Brashear 7), Beaver 6.

Snippet from the Scuttlebutt (whose alliterational skills, incidentally, are most amusing)

[code:1:99df23ab16]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
9 The Weegies (50) 15 12 1 2 27 11 16 37 40 roster Qlf
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 15 35 35 roster Qlf
3 Arridia (20) 15 10 1 4 29 15 14 31 34 roster Qlf
8*Cockbill Street 15 7 1 7 13 11 2 22 25 roster elim
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)15 6 4 5 14 15 -1 22 25 elim
4 East Spaam (33) 15 6 1 8 18 20 -2 19 22 elim
5 A nation 15 3 2 10 8 20-12 11 14 elim
6 Sensual Products (63)15 3 1 11 16 26-10 10 13 elim
2 Larkinia 15 1 5 9 7 27-20 8 11 elim[/code:1:99df23ab16]

The C-mail's Department of Calculatory, Mathematical, and other Scientific Nonsense detects an error. The total goal difference in the group adds up to +2. The C-mail firmly believes that the Scuttlebutt has been so impressed by our football team's performance, thus being forced to give us a goal for which we have never scored, and ignore a goal that Jorn Axewielder let in.

Paladins beat LordSquall 2-0

Continued toppling of ranked powers leads many to wonder: What if the RP glitch hadn't happened?

The Ville-Marie co-op of high schoolers beat LordSquall 2-0 yesterday in an intense match decided purely on the basis of who drew what penalties when.

It was a tight spot for the Paladins coming into the start of the second half. LordSquall had controlled the momentum of the game as well as the ball, and it was only by some brilliant defense that the score was 0-0.

At 6 minutes into the second half Harald Olafsson took a cleat to the groin in what the ref ruled as a deliberate attack. Red flag and a penalty kick taken by Yohan Brault put the game at 1-0 for the Paladins.

Senechal Ibre was whistled at 23 minutes into the half for having "tackled" <player> as <player> dribbled downfield. Although replay showed this to be a dive, <player> got a penalty kick. However it dinged off the crossbar and was recovered by Evan Hartsford who passed it to foward Marcel Avard. Avard put it in from 25 meters out, putting the game away.

The sudden outburst of victories that has followed the Paladins after the RP glitch was fixed has led many fans, players and this paper to wonder what might have been if the bug hadn't happened. There is no assurance that we would have qualified, or any assurance that we would have done any better. But still, one wonders how much better we might have done had not forces beyond our control thrown a stick into our bike wheel.

Still, that should not and does not detract from the glory that our High Schoolers have brought upon this team and nation. Beating Bedistan (and causing large amounts of Columbia to burn in the process) was a great acheivement. Our boys played it very close all the way and will return in four years with more experience, and for some an axe to grind in their painful losses to Dennisov and Dark Outcasts.

Emerging power Cockbill Street has played extremely well, and has almost locked up fourth place in their group by their win over East Spaam. They too must be wondering what might have happened, but have like our boys managed to put it behind them for the most part and went out and won some games. Their remarkable upset of Arridia ranks up there with the game against Bedistan.

Three worthy teams have locked up the spots in Group 7. Dennisov has put all of us to shame with the best showing in qualifiers. Dark Outcasts has grabbed second by playing quality football all the way. Newfound national rival Bedistan was fighting for dear life but managed to recover and grab third over LordSquall and SterlingIce. That is the mark of a veteran team - the ability to recover from a fall and return to domination.

We wish all of the the best of luck as they march forth into the great unknown that is the round of 32. Who knows what upsets and triumphs await there? In the meanwhile, we'll go to the Cup of Harmony and give it our best shot. Until next round, friends and rivals.

OOC:Ignore this if I have not qualified yet.
http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF forfit match in respect of those dead

In respect of those killed by the Spaamainian terrorist after the cricket match TBF have decided to give the win to their opponents for matchday 18. Coach Alan Belmore said this "Seeing we have already qualified there is nothing to lose by paying our respects to those killed by this awful man."

It is expected for TBF to return to usual when WC10 starts in ernest on Wednesday.

Oh no. If you have not qualified, this will NOT be ignored.

Either you delete this piece of flamebait, or you WILL be forfeiting your match.

And you have seriously gone too far this time.

Ok, unfortunately, you have already qualified, but I move that you are disqualified unless you delete this piece of godmodding flamebait.

THIS is the reason I, and a lot of other people, don't like you, TBF. THIS sort of behaviour.

A 2-1 loss last night to Clearwater seals Svecia's fate for the tournament, and denied a Group stage finish for the first time since failing to qualify in their first international appearance at World Cup 2. A dejected Francisco Cardini, the star who was injured and had to sit out the latter portion of the tournament, sat alone on the bench after the game, which was viewed by 47000 Svecian supporters. The Lightning got down 2 goals early in the first half, which has been a trademark of the team from this tournament. The partisan crowd urged their team forward in the second half, however, and erupted after the lone Svecian goal was scored in the 75th minute. The crowd then stayed on their feet, both vocally and physically, until the final whistle and was not disappointed by the second half, which saw 8 Svecian shots on goal, with another 5 either hitting the posts or the side of the net, until the game ended. In Tim Swears inagural international tournament as new head coach of the Svecian team, he has a lot of work to do in the long off season now.

OOC:Ignore this if I have not qualified yet.
http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF forfit match in respect of those dead
Coach Alan Belmore said ...

The International Grammar Police would like to remind The Belmore Family that no Alan Belmores exist in the world, and it is an international law that one cannot name a child "Alan Belmore." Please correct this typographical error before further investigation will be taken.

(OOC: Very rushed today, sorry.)

Substitutes Squeeze Davii, Or Something
Okay, We're All Waiting For the Next Game

Sargard, Ravenspire -- The entire starting roster of the Ravens took the day off today, as coach Zhen Sui-Ling sent in the substitutes against newcomers Davii. "They're not the group's bottom side any more," she pointed out before the match, "but they aren't a challenge. Maybe in a couple more years. Besides, we're already qualified; we can afford it. And I'm thinking ahead to the next match. Now, Audioslavia, that'll be a game worth playing!"

Perhaps the best word to describe the mood was "ambivalent," as the home crowd seemed rather subdued and distracted. One man, looking up as those around him halfheartedly cheered, remarked, "I guess we must have scored, or something. That's good." He then engaged in a discussion with his neighbor regarding the Clearwater-Svecia match, which he'd been following via Virtual HUD.

Indeed, much of the enthusiasm seemed reserved for that particular game, which was of much greater impact upon the group, to the point that one of the announcers once proclaimed: "And it's a goal by... someone. Probably Crystal, she's been doing well lately. Or maybe Seth. Our feed from Svecia shows that Clearwater has just scored, equalizing at 1-all..." Cheers from the crowd met this update.

In the wake of the match, which we understand the substitutes won 2-1, or thereabouts, Ravenspire remains at the top of the group, which isn't very surprising, since none of the other sides could catch up. They meet group second Audioslavia in the next match, which is expected to be much more interesting. Meanwhile, the third qualifying slot is left in question; though Svecia leads on goal difference, they have played all sixteen of their matches, while Clearwater has one remaining. Svecia's fate is therefore in the hands of Clearwater, who will qualify in the event of a win or draw. Clearwater faces Davii, who, we're told, played the Ravens' substitutes today.

Nate E. Visser (Wisest, as we know, of the Evisceratomatoes) is walking on the beach with his team's manager, Sal Manela. The topic is football. What other topics could there be?

And so with apologies to Lewis Carroll, the tale of the Wise One and the Manager:

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
Evisceratomatoes basked
Enjoying Sunny's light--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

Now Sal was striding sulkily,
Because he thought Old Nate
Had got no business telling Fruit:
You must eviscerate
Or be executèd,
"The Fruit should not be late!"

"We beat the Sensual Products team,
The score was one to nil.
And then we travelled to A Nation
And won that match as well:
We share fourth place, Your Wise
Fruitness -- Please: no more threats to kill!"

The Wise One and the Manager
Were walking close, those two;
They wept, remembering the sight
Of 'matoes turned to goo:
"If we could beat East Spaam,"
They said, "our suff'ring would be through!"

"If 'leven Fruit with fighting spirit
The ketchupped Fruit recalled
Do you suppose," Manela said,
"That they would be as dear?"
"I doubt it," said the Wisest, Nate,
And shed a bitter tear.

"Evisceratomatoes, come!"
The Wisest did beseech.
"A glorious match, most sweet revenge,
On East Spaam on this beach:
We'll slaughter them upon this spot,
Although Zucchini we can't reach."

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Substitutes Keep Shutout Streak Alive
Win 1-0 in Grigala
by Markenin Markenel

GRIGALA(NP) - With the Pandas already qualified for a spot in World Cup X, Jaskelainen Tenerethitel decided to once again play his team of substitutes, this time with Kalinen Nereniel as the unfortunate starter to play the babysitter role.

Tenerethitel was caught by surprise upon his arrival to Grigala. "I was shocked, since it appeared that this country was pretty damn poor and underdeveloped. When we got to the pitch, the grass quality was poor and there were large dirt patches everyhere."

That was not the biggest worry factor for Tenerethitel however. "I was most worried about the lack of arcades or video games in general here. Last time, I just promised quarters for the arcade and everyone played great. Now I have nothing to promise the kids so I don't know what I'm going to do."

Eventually, his only option was to promise that the best players would get the window seats on the plane ride home, something which actually proved to be more exciting than any arcade for the young substitutes, whose average age was 16.3 years old.

The match proved slow, however. The large dirt patches provided many scraped knees and elbows, and no one could get any quality footing. The only spectators were those who had brought lawn chairs from home and sat beside the sidelines, often getting in the way of the linesmen.

The only goal of the match came in the 39th minute, when Oserin Edhel had an easy shot to the net following the Grigalan keeper's slip into the mud in the 6 yard box. It was lucky that he didn't kick it very hard, as the keeper had to run behind the net to collect the ball, as netting for the nets was non-existant on this pitch.

The Pandas clinched second place with the win, as Oglethorpia won and Rejistania and Nastic drew, eliminating the Orange-Blues from the competition. With all three positions in place for Group 5, the final matchday will simply be for pride. Rejistania travels to Nikea to take on the Pandas, in Interiu. Tenerethitel has stated that his players will once again get some rest, with only Kalessin Quertel in goal. 17 year old substitute keeper Darinen Feretel ends his World Cup Qualifying run with three clean sheets in three matches, while the Pandas have not allowed a goal in 5 straight matches.

[code:1:aa95106d89]
Grigala 0
v.
Nikea 1 (Edhel 39)
[/code:1:aa95106d89]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea W 3-0
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas D 0-0
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

Location: Secretary of Sports and Games Jim Parker's private jet, somewhere between Dark Outcasts and Bedistan. There are thirty people on board -- Parker, the two pilots, Lions manager Gene Barber, offensive coach Johnny Lewis, three other members of the team staff, and the 22-person squad.

Parker: So, I'm curious, Gene, why did you go with the 3-4-3 today instead of your usual 4-3-3?

Barber: Simple -- I wanted to get every one of the subs out there. They all need time on the field, and they got it.

Lewis: Didn't they, though? I was really impressed at that performance today, Ashley.

Ashley Boor, forward: Thanks. *giggles*

Barber: You all did a great job. I noticed, Tabitha, you're playing more like Chuck every day.

Tabitha Fukushima, goalkeeper: Well, I'm flattered. Considering Chuck's probably the greatest keeper this team's had, besides Olivia Bream.

Chuck Mitchell: Well now, I dunno about that. Erik did a fantastic job last Cup.

Barber: That he did. Hopefully he'll be ready again next time.

Parker: Well, Gene, just between you and me, if you can manage a win against Kerla next week, there just might be a raise in your future...

Barber: Oh, really?

Parker: Yes sir. That'd make 5 in a row, and it'd bring us up to second place.

Lewis: And to think we were sincerely worried about not having a chance a couple months back...

Barber: Heh. From 3-2-2 to 10-2-3...that is quite a rebound.

Parker: Yeah, that's pretty much normal for the team. We've always sucked in the first half of qualifiers only to come back and kick everyone's asses in the second half.

Darren Morlock, forward: Well, almost everyone...

Barber: New Montreal States notwithstanding, of course.

Suddenly, a loud clang is heard from near the back of the plane. Everyone turns around, and they can just barely see midfielder Rosalinda Heidelberg stuffing what looks like a frozen chicken into her bag.

Mitchell: Rosa? What's that?

Heidelberg: Oh, nothing. *blushes* I'll be right back.

She goes into the bathroom. A scrap of paper falls out of her bag as she rushes in. It reads as follows:

Note to self: after DO match, call M. for further instructions.

Barber: What the devil?

Parker: Beats me.

Everyone sits down and fastens their belts as the plane prepares to land at Midway International Airport. We now take our leave of the scene.

--------------

Final score:
Dark Outcasts 0
Bedistan 3 (Boor 15, 38; Coder 66)

Thomas Award points:
Boor 4, Coder 2, Hockensmith 1, Hanway 1, Palin 2, Fukushima 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
D. Morlock - 20
C. Mitchell - 17
C. Briscoe - 15

Bedistan Lions: Fukushima - Segawa, Hockensmith, Brew - Palin, Tenner, Hanway, Heidelberg - Coder, Barcelo, Boor

OOC: I have mods on hand if needed to deal with Mr. Alan Belmore.

Nate E. Visser (Wisest, as we know, of the Evisceratomatoes) is walking on the beach with his team's manager, Sal Manela. The topic is football. What other topics could there be?

And so with apologies to Lewis Carroll, the tale of the Wise One and the Manager:

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
Evisceratomatoes basked
Enjoying Sunny's light--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

Now Sal was striding sulkily,
Because he thought Old Nate
Had got no business telling Fruit:
You must eviscerate
Or be executèd,
"The Fruit should not be late!"

"We beat the Sensual Products team,
The score was one to nil.
And then we travelled to A Nation
And won that match as well:
We share fourth place, Your Wise
Fruitness -- Please: no more threats to kill!"

The Wise One and the Manager
Were walking close, those two;
They wept, remembering the sight
Of 'matoes turned to goo:
"If we could beat East Spaam,"
They said, "our suff'ring would be through!"

"If 'leven Fruit with fighting spirit
The ketchupped Fruit recalled
Do you suppose," Manela said,
"That they would be as dear?"
"I doubt it," said the Wisest, Nate,
And shed a bitter tear.

"Evisceratomatoes, come!"
The Wisest did beseech.
"A glorious match, most sweet revenge,
On East Spaam on this beach:
We'll slaughter them upon this spot,
Although Zucchini we can't reach."

OOC: ~grins~

Believe me, this wouldn't be as much fun if I hadn't slaughtered you ;)

With the 1-0 win over Defari, Aquilla was locked into the Cup. We're going there with Squornshelous and Oddslavo. The matches with Iansisle and BB are purely...forgot the word. We slaughtered the Ians, not literally, 4-1 at their home stadium. We'll be in the land of the Giant Zuchinni or One Red Dot by Wednesday.

Wizards Keep Slim Chances Alive

Gabdul the Looter’s Goal Leads to 1-0 Win at Jaurania

From our news services...

Matchday 17, Jaurania–Warnocks Wizards kept their slim chance of qualification alive last night with a 1-0 victory over the Fighting Jars of Jaurania. Gabdul the Looter’s goal early in the second half separated the two sides and kept the dream alive for Wizardites everywhere. The contest was rather dull with both sides looking like never being able to score in the first half. Goalkeepers Urklok the Despoiler and Ritez Futin played chess across the pitch (which incidentally ended in a draw) as their teammates failed to even register a shot on goal in the half. No doubt the recipients of a good rollicking by Manager Ufwurz the Furious, the Red and White Wizards took the pitch in a determined fashion to kick off the second stanza. Bagdreg the Mauler’s free kick nearly found the onion bag on 50 minutes, but Futin did well to tip it past the post. Ghazukh the Burner just pushed a header over the crossbar from the ensuing corner. It was left to the Looter to steal all three points for the visitors on the hour. Ashamazh the Tough nodded down Ghaztrak the Gouger’s cross to Gabdul who volleyed a shot from twenty yards out. Futin made a futile wave at the ball as he flew past him. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards and the distant dream of world cup qualification is still viable. Full time: Jaurania 0, Warnocks Wizards 1.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty (Burzgob the Butcher 76).

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Zagag the Sleak, Globdreg the Destroyer.

With the victory, the Red and White Wizards are undefeated in their last five qualifying matches. With just one match remaining, they can still reach One Red Giant Dot Zucchini if they win at newcomers Microbrits and Usania record an upset home victory against Total n Utter Insanity.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

D-Day

With Spaam's 1 all draw with Kaze Progessa, the next matchday's results are clear. Spaam will draw or lose their next match, and Eauz will win. If this does not happen, then Spaam will qualify, which will not happen. Bookies are receiving bets all across the nation for these results, with Spaam now at 100-1 to win, and Eauz at 50-1 to draw, and 100-1 to lose.

Yeah Spaam, running with the massacre of the 'matoes has been fun. :wink:

DAILY CROCODILE

The Crocs tried out back-up players at Canadian Power Trip, but had little trouble with the sputtering Trippers as they notched up an easy 2-0 win. Lemmitania also assured itself of a spot in the World Cup by winning 3-1 over Agnostitium. And The Lowland Clans ended with a win too, downing Stealth Zerbert by a 2-0 scoreline to end their qualifying run on a high note.

The key match was Belmorian Scandinavia at Busby, where the valiant Scandinavian Belmores needed a win to stay in contention. They managed a point against a much high-ranked opponent, but it was not enough to go through. The draw also spelled bad news for Busby however, which is all but done. It's possible for them to catch the Clans on points, but only a win by 12 goals or more will bring them even with the Clans' over-powering +19 goal difference.

[code:1:0c5562f865]
Tanah Burung (24)* * * * * *15 12* 1* 2 25* 6 +19* 37 Qlf
Lemmitania (8)* * * * * * * 15 11* 1* 3 26*10 +16* 34 Qlf
The Lowland Clans (43)* * * 16*10* 1* 5 34 15 +19* 31
Busby (17)* * * * * * * * * 15* 8* 4* 3 20 13* +7* 28*
Belmorian Scandinavian (66) 15* 7* 4* 4 18 15* +3* 25 Eli
[/code:1:0c5562f865]

Foreign feed of all three of the key matches were re-broadcast by pirate television stations located in the mountains of Tanah Burung. Asked if they would be paying licensing fees, Recycled Broadcasting Cooperative supremo Morgan Redbeard just laughed and tugged at his eyepatch.

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Bitter tears in Rejistania
The country was united in the state of mourning yesterday, as the Orange-Blues missed the qualification for the world cup by drawing in NASTIC 2 1-1 (no, not 21 to 1, this was just a try to make some disappointed fans smile a bit). Without SyLy, who is still injured after the violent foul from grigalanian player'he, the Orange-Blue offense lacked ideas and speed. Sen I Ailn is simply no replace for his top-class player.

The match started disappointing for the Orange-Blues as player'he archieved the lead after just 15 seconds. The Orange-Blue defense wasn't prepared for such an early and naive attempt and this gave the NASTICs the lead. The Orange-Blues did try to equalize, but without SyLy, they are only half as effective. It took till the 57th minute, untill SyLy's substitute Sen I Ailn equalized the score after a corner shot by Su'he. Despite some further attempts, the Orange-Blues didn't manage to score again and to get the important second goal.

Imdila'he said after the match: "Will happen, can happen. I won't say I'm not disappointed, but that's sports. Sometimes you lose, sometimes others win." Ila iles had also much to say, but we only can print some suffixes, since the other part of what he said is not safe for children.

The result:
NASIC xi 1 (player 1st)
Rejistania 1 (I Ailn 57th)

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 11
Su: 7
Linkosa: 3
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1
Kiru: 1
I Ailn: 1


Orange-Blues play in the Cup
Coach Imdila'he announced after the lost match, that the Orange-Blues will play in 'the Cup', but unfortunatly, he was refering to the losers cup. Imdila'he called the Cup an "excellent opportunity to play great soccer after we didn't qualify." We, the editorial staff of the KaMaRi Update (both rejistanian and international edition) wish the Orange-Blues all good luck for their matches!

The Wonderteam was hot off a 1-nil win in Senoj, Torrence Black having scored the winner late in the game; the various starting eleven dispering throughout the capital of Senoj in celebration.

Torrence, Kirk and Fernando made their way to a local bar -- similarily for Floyd and Jorge, albeit to a different establishment.

Some, however celebrated in different ways -- a certain defender Lou Oswald deciding to assault an elderly Senojian woman and rob her of her belongings.

Luckily for the elderly woman, and unluckily for Lou Oswald, word traveled quickly; and upon Oswald's arrival back in Oglethorpia, he was swiftly taken into custody by the Widespread Nationwide Police of the Bureaucratic States.

Sitting in a spartan interrogation room, Oswald was handcuffed, though not too tightly; and allowed to speak, though not too much.

Finally, a young blonde WNP officer entered the interrogation room, the spartan metal table's legs jostling slightly under the weight of a large box the WNP officer had deposited onto the desk. He began to procure folders from the box; inside each a dozen (or two) customary government papers with the prerequisite red strip on them.

"What's all this?" Lou Oswald asked in genuine curiousity.
"Forms that you've got to fill out," replied the clean-cut Widespread Nationwide Police officer.
"That's more than a hundred documents!"
"That'll teach you to pick on the elderly." The WNP officer left the room, Oswald watching him converse with some other officers grouped around him, though they were inaudible from the interrogation room.

Oswald began sorting through the government documents placed before him -- the 12-3402A-B series, and the 12-3402C document that simply confirmed the existance of A and B; and several other forms branching out from those primarily placed in the folders that were beneath his hands, at least twelve of those.

Lou Oswald bagged $5,000 Senoj dollars and escaped the Senoj police; but being caught there would've been easier on Oswald's wrist. After all, he had been apprehended in the Bureaucratic States.

---

Oswald remained in the spartan room, asleep on the papers and documents layed before him; sorted into two stacks, those he had signed and those he had not, both nearly equal in height.

He still had hours to finish the forms and documents before the WNP would deal anymore with him, and then in the adult correctional institution he'd have yet more forms to sign.

The Bureaucratic States truly do have a cruel form of punishment. Everyone but Lou Oswald knew that of any orginization in Oglethorpia, the judicial system was the most thickly wrapped in red tape, solely to provide a very strong deterrent to committing crime.

No one told Lou Oswald that.

And so he signed and signed, hours and hours on end.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

PAGE 1 - NATIONAL NEWS
Orange and Blue Banned for One Day
Wearing the Two Colours Together a Temporary Federal Offence
by Kellinrë Iministel

QUELDAS(NP) - Nikean Minister of Fashion, Nistrinrë Asteritel, has announced that for the 16th of December, wearing any clothing with the colours orange and blue at the same time will result in stiff monetary and imprisonment penalties.

"Wearing orange and blue together at the same time is simply a horrendous fashion faux pas," Asteritel said at the press conference announcing the ban. "Hopefully, by banning it for one day, people will see how much better they look without wearing the colours together, and will support a permanent ban on the terrible colour combination."

Upon asked of the punishment of the crime, Asteritel said that "penalties will be severe. President Solarin Tinuviethel has authorized me to impliment a 1 million dollar mithrim [$2 million USD] fine for breaking this ban. Should the fine be unpayable, the fashionably challenged individual will face up to five years in prison. For any other country this might be a problem, but with Nikea's almost complete lack of crime, it's not like our prisons are being used that much anyway."

Unfortunately, this may bode a problem for some visitors of the nation. Foreigners are bound by Nikean laws while in the nation, and the ban falls on the same day as the match between the Nikean national football team, and the team from Rejistania, who happen to have the name "Orange-Blues", and wear orange and blue jerseys.

"Unfortunately, we cannot stop progress in keeping our country secure from fashion terrorism for some silly sports event," Asteritel said. "Besides, from what I've heard, the spots in the group are set anyway, and nothing is going to change, so maybe they can just set up a debate about world affairs or something. Anyway, even if they did decide to go against the ban, the fine would be at least 20 million mithrim, with the players, substitutes, and staff, so I would think that they either find something else to wear or don't bother to show up at all."

When it was pointed out to her that the Rejistani team was already in Nikea, she said, "Tough beans for them then."

A temporary "Fashion Police" has been organized from local volunteers, and will be patrolling the streets during the day. The ban lasts for 24 hours, starting at 6am on the 16th.

OOC: Think yourself what the rejistanian words mean, that Iles'he uses regularyly. :)
IC:
While the Orange-Blues were on their way to the stadium, they listen to a radio show (in english), which broadcasted the news. The new law was announced there.

Su: Does that mean, what I think it means?
Lyku: Don't know, what did they say?
I Ailn: Wearing Orange-Blue is a federal offense in Nikea. It's a new law, that just passed.
Iles: Are they slanis crazy like hell? We are the Orange-Blues! This are our colors!
I Ailn: They gave as reason, that those two colors look awfully together.
Iles: Who gila~e cares how han-hi-len-ly they look? They symbolize our country! They stand for gila~e tolerance and xkurux prosperity!
Lyku: I can only agree to Ila. It's far-below-comparism!
Sines: Can't we simply ignore this law?
Kiru: If you pay the fine for it.
Sines: How much is it?
Kiru: One million mithrm.
Yla: Please tell me, that the mithrim is even more inflation-affected than the Lil'kansu!
I Ailn: It isn't. One mithrim is 2200 Lil'kansu'ny!
Iles: 2.2 billion Lil'kansu'ny fine? Are they han-hi-len-ly out of their minds?
Su: That is more than I earned in my entire life!
Imdila: Now what can we do?
*silence*
*suddently, Koleni'he laughs*
Koleni: Hey, I know what to do! Give me 15 minutes and hundred-thousand Lil'kansu'ny and I'll solve the problem, when we reach the stadium.
Niha Simu (team manager): How?
Koleni: There surely is a fan shop near the stadium, that sells nikean away kits... *smiles*
Simu: You don't plan..., do you?
Koleni: I plan exactly that: We play in nikean away kits!
Imdila: Hey, I knew there is a reason to have you in the team! Great idea!

From Page 4D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Ians’ Humiliation Finalized
Iansisle loses 1-4 to Aquilla in front of 22,566; Iansisle to participate in the Cup of Harmony

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

WESTERGATE, Iansisle -- The generally held opinion among everyone in control in that Ians’ front office, and perhaps every football fan in the Commonwealth as well, was “thank God that’s over with.”

The biggest crowd of the World Cup had turned out for the last game of qualifying to cheer their side on, but most of them were gone after Aquilla built up a four point lead by the end of the first half.

The Ians would appear to be crumbling from the top-downward. Head Coach Lord Riveran, for the second game in a row, was conspicuously absent, presumably still at his father’s mansion in Dunerbridge.

“Certainly, we’re upset with the final outcome of this one game,” said Assistant Coach David Westmore after the game, a tired and worn expression upon his face. “But I think that overall, we played a stupendous qualifiers, and this just wasn’t our year to win. Just think: a scant few weeks ago, every gambler and his mother were rushing out to bet that we wouldn’t even score a single goal in international competition, and we won six games! That’s quite an accomplishment, I think.”

One of the main contributors to that surprising success, star striker Leonard Flaherty, was back for yesterday’s game. However, not even a second-half goal off Flaherty’s foot could stem the tide of humanity racing to beat the traffic home from Westergate Grounds.

After the game, several reporters attempted to interview Flaherty about yesterday’s missed match, but Westmore wouldn’t hear of it.

“Leonard really strained himself today trying to help the team. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer all of your questions tomorrow, or perhaps the day after. Please, have some respect for the man.”

Westmore also refused to comment on the whereabouts of Lord Riveran, insisting upon the tired old line of “the coach’s business is his own, and that’s final.”

Some experts predict that Riveran’s absence may be some sort of effort at a power play.

“If’n you were to ask me,” said Jerry Jameson, a local football fan and professional conspiracy theorist, while taking a bit out of an apple. “It’s all part of an effort to keep Riveran on for another Cup. See, they figure that by pretending his dad’s sick or something, then they can prove just how lousy a coach Westmore is, an’ then kick him out, see? See? The pieces are all there, man!”

In slightly more relevant news, Underminister of Sports, Games, and Recreation Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick (KIO) announced before the game yesterday that Iansisle would seek a berth in the ‘Cup of Harmony,’ which is apparently where the best non-qualifying teams go (even if Iansisle likely does not deserve that moniker after yesterday’s slaughter).

“I think Football’s Cup of Harmony will be a grand chance to play, ah, football,” said Sir Gregory at the ceremony. “And I certainly look forward to watching the competition among such fine, ah, competitors.”

There was no word on if Coach Lord Riveran would be able to skipper the team in the Harmonic Cup, but Jerry Jameson remained skeptical.

“Nah, you see, they have him in some green-glowing tank somewhere, where they plan to combine his brain with Thomas Gurney’s appendix to make the ultimate football player. It’s inhumane, I tell you!”

ASNN - Stars Qualify with Victory over Stealth Zerbert

Today the TLC stars qualified with a two to nothing victory over Stealth Zerbert. The team may have won, but many critics have lambasted the team for it's lazy play in the second half of the qualifiers. Today, they showed slightly more energy, with Gavin Fleury scoring both goals on lazy boots from just outside the goalie box. The team lacked energy, and internal divisons over blame for the three consequetive lossess to Lemmitania, Tanah Burung, and Belmorian Scandanavia higlighted the weaknesses of the team. Manager Lord Mackintosh has relayed plans to his players about team building exercises in the break between qualifiers and the WCX. Many expect these exercises to have mixed results, but they all hope for the Lowland Clans sake that they will reap great rewards with the team.

TLC Stars 2 - 0 Stealth Zerbert
Gavin Fleury (12,78)

OOC:Ignore this if I have not qualified yet.
http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF forfit match in respect of those dead

In respect of those killed by the Spaamainian terrorist after the cricket match TBF have decided to give the win to their opponents for matchday 18. Coach Alan Belmore said this "Seeing we have already qualified there is nothing to lose by paying our respects to those killed by this awful man."

It is expected for TBF to return to usual when WC10 starts in ernest on Wednesday.

Spaam: Sorry if I caused any offence but I was trying to be against the man, not the player. Maybe istead of running to the mods perhaps sueing the paper or something. This would be much more intersting. Again I am sorry if I caused offence I was jsut trying to pay repect to the dead as a real contry would. As I say, sue the newspaper.

ORD/GZ: As the game was forfited isn't a 3-0 win rather than a 3-2 win just for Aneaus Rising?

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Convincing win over A nation sees Cockbill Street into Fourth
Footballers Now Ranked In Top Fifty Along With NMS

Oh, what a magnificent comeback. A nation surprised us early on, with strong attacks and pressure on our players whenever we entered their half with the ball, and fully deserved that 1-0 lead going into half-time. Cockbill Street were decidedly poor, and played their worst game since that infamous squad-change after game six, which brought us the fantastic record of 6-1-2 from the last 9 games. That's including matches against teams that were very must higher rated than us. However, the second half was brilliant. Led by substitutes Andy Harmison and Adam Petisha, and of course the inconsistent but oh so skilled Harald Axewielder. He had been so poor in the first half that manager Ironfoundersson actually considered substituting him, but in the second half he dominated the pitch as usual. Brilliant stuff from the youngster, and he must be very proud of that. He scored one goal - a corner kick which he forced across the line in a scramble after the middle of the half - and had at least four excellent crosses, two of which were headed in by Tungsten-carbide for the comprehensive 3-1 win.

Cockbill Street is now officially ranked forty-second in the world, bar a new ranking system. This means that we are the best-ranked newcomer in the world. We share spots in the top fifty with fellow newcomers New Montreal States, who will join us at the Cup of Harmony later this year, to crown the best unqualified side in the world.

In other news, New Montreal States round off their Group 7 campaign with a good 2-0 away win over Oilermania, and finish sixth in their group. The Weegies, surprisingly enough, win Group 1 in style, and are likely make a huge improvement on their rank of fiftieth. CallMeBernard were unlucky to be knocked out of Group 4, as they could only draw Monotonous Monarchy 2-2, while Antaeus Rising secure their place from the same group with a splendid 3-2 defeat of TBF. Group 5 tables are still pending, but Oglethorpia, Nikea and NASTIC have of course qualified already. In Group 6, Spaam were surprisingly knocked out as they drew 8th-placed Scabara 1-1, and we must thus assume that the Spaamians (sp?) shall join us at the Cup of Harmony. Eauz used their opportunity wisely and defeated Social Cleavage 2-1 away to sneak through from Group 6 instead of Spaam. Svecia of Group 8 must consider themselves lucky to proceed, as Clearwater spoilt their possibilities with a 0-1 loss to 8th-placed Davii in a match where Clearwater only needed a single point. The other groups were of course over already.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Eversham 6, Carboniferous 7 (off 66 Harmison), Golddevourer 7 - Calcite 6, Olsen 6, Lehrer 5 (off 71 Petisha), H Axewielder 8 - Tungsten-carbide 7, Quier 6 (off 49 Brashear 7), Beaver 6.

[code:1:ec6fce4f38]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
The Weegies (50) 16 12 2 2 29 13 +16 38 Qlf
Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 +15 35 Qlf
Arridia (20) 16 11 1 4 30 15 +15 34 Qlf
Cockbill Street 16 8 1 7 15 13 +2 25 Eli
Evisceratomatoes (74) 16 7 4 5 15 15 0 25 Eli
East Spaam (33) 16 6 1 9 18 21 -3 19 Eli
Sensual Products (63) 16 3 2 11 18 28 -10 11 Eli
A nation 16 3 2 11 9 23 -14 11 Eli
Larkinia 16 1 5 10 7 28 -21 8 Eli[/code:1:ec6fce4f38]

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF forfit match in respect of those dead

In respect of those killed by the Spaamainian terrorist after the cricket match TBF have decided to give the win to their opponents for matchday 18. Coach Alan Belmore said this "Seeing we have already qualified there is nothing to lose by paying our respects to those killed by this awful man."

It is expected for TBF to return to usual when WC10 starts in ernest on Wednesday.



Hmm, I thought Kingsford rounded up all the Alan Belmores.

---

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Lou Oswald incarcerated
Wonderteam defender jailed after incident in Senoj

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Lou Oswald, Wonderteam defender was arrested late last night upon his reentry into Oglethorpia by Widespread Nationwide Policemen following an incident in Senoj involving the assualt and robbery of an elderly woman. While a minor crime in Oglethorpia (and one of very few) Oswald is being put through the rounds of form signing moving from penal institution to penal institution.

"While it's a minor crime," said Mike Coathangers, Widespread Nationwide Police head, "these criminals need to be deterred, and by making them fill out hundreds of forms, we provide a pretty strong deterrent."

Lou Oswald is currently in the Megalopolis City Adult Correctional Instutition, awaiting his sentence for his assault and robbery commited in Senoj.

During his time in the prison, Lou Oswald will be making -- what else -- government forms and documents for other prisoners to spend hours upon hours signing.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/parimedia%20breaking%20news.gif
PariMedia Presses Charges Against Tanah Burung Government
INTERNATIONAL CITY - PariMedia Corp. (OSE: ParM) announced today that it would sue the government of Tanah Burung for its support of illegal rebroadcasting of PariMedia television signals. CEO Dalen Quaice commented that Tanah Burung's actions were "extremely stupid" and that the case shall become a precedent for all media corporations wishing to press charges against media pirates. The news, however, has mostly been overshadowed by the anticipation of the announcement of the group Commerce Heights will play in in the World Cup group stages...
(OOC: MD18 report will come later.)

D-Day

With Spaam's 1 all draw with Kaze Progessa, the next matchday's results are clear. Spaam will draw or lose their next match, and Eauz will win. If this does not happen, then Spaam will qualify, which will not happen. Bookies are receiving bets all across the nation for these results, with Spaam now at 100-1 to win, and Eauz at 50-1 to draw, and 100-1 to lose.

OOC: I'd have taken those odds... and come away the poorer.

<MD18 RP coming>

If you didn’t catch the Hooligans last match with The Weegies, highlights and commentary will be re-broadcast by ASPN later today.
OOC: Sorry - we meant to, but RL got in the way.

The qualifying comes to an end (at last) on Matchday 18.

Here are the groupings for the World Cup. As I said earlier, your nation will not be in the same group as your former qualifier groupmate, nor are you in the same group as your puppet (applies to LE-Oddslavo, TnUI-Anataeus)

Note that the groups are totally random, except when I have to shift a nation to another group because of the conditions above. I used excel to generate a random number between 1 and 30, and whatever number is generated is matched with a number pre-determined by myself and your nation is dumped into that group. So, do not complain/rant/find excuses/bribe/send the (mafia/CIA/FBI/US Military/KFC/NBA/YMCA/SARS/USAnia's GWB)* after me/legally rename me Alan Belmo..whoops, can I say that here?/frame/blackmail/accuse/torture/boycott/(erhmm..can't think of any more yet. Will add as I think of them) so that you can get a better group arrangement. The arrangement is final.

*delete accordingly

Also, much to KP's regret, the matches will not be played simultaneously on artificial ground, one match on top of one another. They will be played one after another.

Group A @ Giant Zucchini National Stadium in Marauding City Centre, Marauding, Giant Zucchini
http://worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/asia/singapore/stadium_singapore.jpg
Oglethorpia (5)
Giant Zucchini (7)
Squornshelous (12)
Eauz (44)
Capacity: 79098
Information: Giant Zucchini history took place here when the first International Friendly between Giant Zucchini and Europa Brittania took place. This stadium was the first ever stadium built in Giant Zucchini and is one of the two homes of the Giant Zucchini National Team.

Group B @ Giant Zucchini Indoor Stadium in Prehistoric City Centre, Prehistoric, Giant Zucchini
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/asia/singapore/indoor_stadium.jpg
Dennisov (14)
Tanah Burung (24)
Aquilla (27)
Antaeus Rising (40)
Capacity: 51021
Information: A little time out of the sun never hurt anyone and the Giant Zucchini Indoor Stadium is designed to keep the intense heat or pouring rain out from ruining any match. This stadium provides state-of-the-art facilities, including a collapsable roof for some impressive lighting effects when used as a concert stadium. This air-conditioned stadium is the second home of the Giant Zucchini National Team.

Group C @ Antediluvian Stadium in Antediluvian, Prehistoric, Giant Zucchini
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_menu/past_future/pictures/past_stadiums/london_wembley1.jpg
Snub Nose 38 (6)
Runaway Moose (13)
Dark Outcasts (28 )
The Lowland Clans (43)
Capacity: 85457
Information: The Antediluvian Stadium was the second stadium to be built in Giant Zucchini and has been under the Conservation Act for its long history. Some say they want the infrastructure in Prehistoric to be prehistoric. This stadium also features some antique items not used in the modern stadiums including the microphones for the announcers and some display boards. The stadium is also home to Prehistoric FC.

Group D @ Prowler Stadium in Prowler, Marauding, Giant Zucchini
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_menu/past_future/pictures/future_stadiums/berlin_olympiastadion1.jpg
Liverpool England (2)
Bedistan (4)
Gesamtkuntswerk (11)
Arridia (20)
Capacity: 92060
Information: The Prowler Stadium is the latest stadium to be built in Giant Zucchini and its state-of-the-art facilities is second to none. Its design helps to liven the atmosphere by echoing the shouts, cheers and jeers of the audience without even disturbing any nearby houses or offices. The stadium is home to Marauding FC.

Group E @ Royal Red Dot National Stadium in Asilton, Dottian Capital Territory, One Red Dot
http://www.me.utexas.edu/visitor/images_vis/stadium.jpg
Ravenspire (3)
Kaze Progressa (26)
One Red Dot (29)
The Weegies (50)
Capacity: 89202
Information: Lying in the heart of Dottian Capital Territory is the Royal Red Dot National Stadium, and only a 122-and-a-three-hundred-and-seventy-two-over-four-hundred-and-sixty-three minute drive away from the national capital of Porten Bay City. It was built in 1823 after rugby became a popular sport in the then English-colonised territory. The stadium is now home to Natodrid FC and the now less-popular rugby. The stadium still features its old façade, which faces the main road, although the stadium itself has been upgraded and renovated countless times.

Group F @ Royal Burrington Stadium in Knights’ Gate, Burrington, One Red Dot
http://www.herdzone.com/info/images/stadium.jpg
Kingsford (10)
Halfassedstates (19)
Svecia (22)
Nikea (31)
Capacity: 86046
Information: The Royal Burrington Stadium is one of the latest rebuilt stadiums in One Red Dot and is home to Burrington FC. The stadium is named after Sir Burrington Cheringon, one of the most likable royal because he actively played rugby with the commoners instead of watching it from the Royal Box. Some say that's why he died so early. Anyway, similar to its brother-stadium in the capital territory, Royal Burrington Stadium also used to be home to the one of the finest rugby teams, and now also houses a team from the One Red Dot adaptation of American Football.

Group G @ Chisai’nihon Stadium in Umino’omote, Chisai’nihon, One Red Dot
http://www.fingertipfabrications.com/images/stadium.jpg
Europa Brittania (1)
The Belmore Family (9)
Oddslavo (21)
NASTIC 2 (60)
Capacity: 73247
Information: ‘Architectural Wonder’ was the theme during the initial planning of the Chisai’nihon Stadium, producing one of the more modern-type stadiums in One Red Dot. Chisai’nihon Stadium lies in the majority-populated Japanese state of Chisai’nihon, and some critics, generally, regard it as a major eyesore. The stadium is home to Chisai’nihon FC, five-time champion of the Red Dot Royal League.

Group H @ Hyder Stadium in Hyder, Westshores, One Red Dot
http://freespace.virgin.net/cad.cables/stadium.jpg
Lemmitania (8 )
Audioslavia (18 )
Commerce Heights (23)
Total n Utter Insanity (29)
Capacity: 84239
Information: The latest addition to One Red Dot’s arsenal of stadiums is the Hyder Stadium in Westshores. With state-of-the-art technology, including LCD screens and ergonomic chairs, this stadium promises to be a luxury for not only the players, but also the audience. However, this also increases ticket prices, as the management is almost unable to keep up with the maintenance costs. The stadium houses Westshores FC and the Westshores Rugby team.

The schedule for the Group Stage/Round 1:
Matchday 1:
1 v 2
3 v 4

Matchday 2:
1 v 3
2 v 4

Matchday 1:
1 v 4
2 v 3

Now for some clearing up to do. To prevent any incident similar to Spaamgate occuring again, the following (unfortunatly) is suggested:

If a puppet meets their ‘owner nation’ in the knockout rounds, it will be a total coincidence. If the puppet or ‘owner nation’ wishes to pull out at this point, both nations have to pull out. This will be fair among all the other nations.

If the following were to take place in the 2nd Round/Ro16:
[code:1:e66f45289a]
Round 2/Ro16 QF SF

Nation A 0 --|
|-- Withdrawn 0 --|
Puppet A 0 --| |
|-- Nation C
Nation B 2 --| |
|-- Nation C 3 --|
Nation C 3 --|
[/code:1:e66f45289a]
Here, Nation A has decided to pull out Puppet A. Therefore, both Nation and Puppet A will be pulled out. A goalless match (therefore counted as a draw and 0 goals for or against in the tables) is presumed and no nation proceeds. Nation C proceeds as they have scored 3 goals against Nation B. At this point, Nation C will earn a win and 3 goals and proceeds to the next round automatically.

If the following happens in the QF/SF/3rd Placing/Finals:
[code:1:e66f45289a]

(A KO round besides Ro16)
|
v
Nation D 0 --|
|-- Nation D --|
Puppet A 2 --| |
|--
Nation A 3 --| |
|-- Nation E --|
Nation E 1 --|
[/code:1:e66f45289a]
…and Puppet A pulls out to allow Nation A to proceed, both Nation and Puppet A will also be pulled out, allowing Nations D and E to proceed instead.

a collective "hoo-ray" is issued throughout runaway moose as they defeat eb

(ooc: uh-oh Dad, it's on now!)

InterAsteroidal rivalry!!!!!

(...ahem)

'Twas two nights before round one in Runaway Moose,
Parties were raging; the team'd been set loose.
The coaches were drinking with n'ery a care,
In hopes that the World Cup soon would be theirs.

The players ran rampant, all out about town.
Bars were open all night; there was no closing down.
Nif was at home, with NO reckless abandon.
She'd a phone call, long distance, from dear Caddy Cannon.

When out on her lawn there arose such a shout,
"Hey Nif, say good-night! It's time to go out!"
And who on her lawn had just happed to appear?
L. Moz and Beast, grinning ear to ear.

"We're meeting the team at the old 'Ale and Antler,'
That’s way more important than gushy love banter!"
So into the phone she sent love and kisses
To the player from LE, she'd soon be his Mrs.

Then off to the tavern, quick as a wink,
It was Tinesta's round and they each had a drink.
One after another, the drinks they all came,
When suddenly Butch yelled, "let's play a drinking game!"

Now Pettle and Booty, Evalina and Liz
Were a little bit skeptic about this drinking game biz.
The last time they'd played one, before they'd reached closure,
Half the team was arrested for indecent exposure.

But Tossa had just issued to Kiwi a dare...
This would be entertaining, so what did they care?
And while off went Antlura to get the next round,
Eruptions of laughter were the dominant sound.

"I have to do WHAT!?" It was now Nina's dare,
"But don't you guys think it's a bit cold out there?"
Ah yes, it was streaking, a time honored tradition,
That Bilbo had given to Nina as her mission.

So in just an overcoat, from head to toe,
Out into town poor Nina did go.
And suddenly the coat was drawn from her back,
Off Nina sprinted, as though she ran track.

The team, how they giggled, all feeling quite merry,
But did the cops find it funny? The answer: not very.
They rounded them up and off to the slammer,
But the team was still laughing 'cause they were all hammered.

It was finally Bilbo, who thought in a shout,
"OH SHIT!! What will happen when Berkett finds out!?"
Taiga and Ontario suddenly turned pale,
Hoping he'd not be too mad to post bail.

Quite mad he was though, and so was Fernandes,
"Could you think of a worse mess in which you could land us?
Celebrate, yes, but have some moderation.
You're responsible for the footballing hopes of our nation!"

Then in came Niffiner Moosekopf, right into the jail,
"Don't worry coach, no need for their bail.
I'm pardoning all of them," she said with a grin,
"Hope you got your kicks out, 'cause tomorrow you stay in!"

With Noic and T. Gigas she shook hands quite proper
Then she was off in her 'Rogue-in-Chief' chopper.
But they heard her exclaim as she flew out of sight,
"You all better kick ass! Now have a good night!"




:wink:

er... (thumb twiddling ensues)

TBF drawn with World Champions

In a repeat of the friendly match TBF will be playing Europa Brttania our groups first match. Last time TBF Vs EB was played out the final result was 2-0 in favour of the Brittanians. The next match will be against former Quarter-Finalist Oddslavo which we should at least produce a draw. And to finish off there will be what sould be a walkover 60th ranked NASTIC 2.

OOC: Good suggestion, ORD. Hopefully the 'puppet v master' match would just continue. This is what happened in FHWC5, when Belmore Family drew Belmorian Scandinavia in the second round. (Yes, TBF won.)

IC from the Kangaroo:

PROGRESSANS GAIN DREAM DRAW, HISTORY ASIDE

Kaze Progressa's storming run to World Cup X has been rewarded with one of the easiest groups in the draw in terms of rankings, but one where history conspires against them.

The Progressans, once again, open their World Cup campaign against Ravenspire, who defeated them 3-1 in the opening game of World Cup 9 in front of a packed home crowd. It's an experience they'll face again, as they also drew co-hosts One Red Dot. The Dottians, the last team to come away from the Progressair Stadium victorious, will fancy their chances on home soil, where they won 2-0 on the final WC9 qualifying matchday to allow them to qualify as the best fourth-placed side following the Spaamgate debacle.

Completing the group, and far more likely to be hospitable, are The Weegies, in their first ever World Cup. While they are not to be underestimated, they are seen as a modest threat to the Progressans.

As with World Cup 9, the final set of group matches are expected to be played simultaneously with one game played underneath the main stadium on artificial grass. The Progressans famously adapted to these conditions in a 2-0 defeat of Squornshelous last time around, but they were already out at this stage. This time, with One Red Dot on the final matchday, they will take centre stage above ground in all three games.

(ooc: i will never know how i managed to post this dumb thing 4 times!)

RMoose: that was really good, how long did you take to create that, but seeing it three times is a bit sore on the eye, not that I did read the triple posts... :lol: anyway, it's best you erase the whole chunk and put 'double post' or 'stupid forums' or some excuse that we can laugh at and wonder why we didn't think of that excuse.

Thanks ORD...
It's because our nearly graduated nation's degree is in theatre and not computer adequacy.
It took about twenty minutes to one half hour of solid procrastinating effort. (don't tell Snub!)

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Who-is-Who in Nikea
The match of the Orange-Blues was overshadowed by a new law, that forbids to wear orange and blue together. The Orange-Blues did not hear about this strange law until they were in Interiu in Nikea. The Orange-Blues have no non-orange-blue jerseys and if they wanted to play in the national colors, they would have to pay a high fine or to spend up to 5 years in a nikean prison. Not playing was also no option since then the match would be valued 0-3 against the Rejistanians.

The young substitute forward Mata Koleni finally had a strange idea: to get nikean away kits from the fan shop near the stadium. This match was the only one in the history of rejistanian soccer, that was postponed because one player stood in a queue to buy the kits for the team and even longer because Koleni'he thought the prizes were way lower. Someone remembered him cursing: "I thought Nikea has no 100% sales tax. Why are the prizes that high?"

The next problem was, that the names of the players of course differ from the names on their jerseys. It didn't enhance clarity, that most of the players were substitutes and first timers, who were virtually unknown to the fans, stadium speaker and reporters. The line-up was, according to a list made by Hexen Imdila after the start of the match:
S. Hexen
I Iles, H. Yla, K. Kiru, L. Lyku
M. Ijen, L. Jaras, H. Kansu, I. Linkosa
M. Koleni, J. Y
The players Laruk Lyku, Hana Kansu and Jen Y are newcomers, who are very likely to be in the roster in the best-of -the-not-that-good cup. Also the Nikean coach gave young players and substitutes a chance. the average age of the nikean players was 18.6, Forward Arkenitel'he being the youngest (14 years old).

The game started chaotical: The ball was passed without concept between players from both teams, who apparently only looked at the used colors. Only goalie Syku Hexen didn't enhace the confusion: He played in his orange shorts and socks and simply didn't wore his Rejistania-blue shirt. After a time, the players didn't make stupid errors and the match between the both substitute sides became a match and not a source of humor. This changed for a moment, when Ila Iles saw the yellow card after an unnescescary foul against Arkenitel'he: the referee asked him to show his name, but no he did not realise, that the name and number was not correct, so he wrote down '#2, Jaskertel'. Ila Iles wanted to correct him, but his english is only substandard, so the referree thought he would complain and wanted to send him off. Fortunatly, Kansu Kiru could speak english and explained, what Iles'he meant.

The first half ended after some good chances and much more confusion from each side 0-0. The second half at last revealed some tactic, since both sides got finally used to this strange arrangement. Both replacements for the 'real team' were very comparable and the fans had to see match of two equally skilled teams. In the 86th minute, Kitase'he archieved the lead, after an error in the formally-Orange-Blue defense. Syku Hexen could get reach the ball, but it slipped out of his hands.

Many Orange-Blue fans showed a much easier way, in which all the confusion would have been avoided: the spilled coffee, or juice over the Orange parts of their shirts and said, that the resulting color was brown.

The result:
Nikea 1 (Kitase 86th)
Rejistania 0

Orange-Blue top-scorers in this tournament:
Lyku: 11
Su: 7
Linkosa: 3
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1
Kiru: 1
I Ailn: 1

Overall:
- Top-scorers:
Syku Lyku: 22
Xeseja Su: 12
Inik Linkosa: 3
Xkeliko Susu: 3
Sen I Ailn: 2
Laxtu Takil*: 2
Kansu Kiru: 1
Mata Koleni: 1
Exke Sines: 1
Imike Syku*: 1

*retired from WC team

- Bilance: 16-9-10, GD: +5

EDIT1: Inserted stats
EDIT2: corrected some typoes

Thanks ORD...
It's because our nearly graduated nation's degree is in theatre and not computer adequacy.
It took about twenty minutes to one half hour of solid procrastinating effort. (don't tell Snub!)
*remains completely oblivious* :wink:

The Athletic Review
World Cup Addition

AP - The groups were announced today for the World Cup. Kingsford finished with a slight 1 point lead at the top of group 6 in qualifying.

But now it's time to play with the big boys. Group F consists of some tough competition, and the Kingsford National will have to play their best in these three games. Group F consists of the following:

Kingsford (10)
Halfassedstates (19)
Svecia (22)
Nikea (31)

the most anticipated match will be against the hated Halfassedstates, who can claim to be only one of two teams that has knocked Kingsford out of the second round. Matches will be played in Royal Burrington Stadium, and the Royal and Gold army is sure to be there, you can count on it.

The Schedule:

Kingsford v. Halfassed States
Kingsford v. Svecia
Kingsford v. Nikea

Ariddians hit final stages

The joy at qualifying was subdued somewhat as the groups were made public.

"It's a... difficult group," team captain Ranjit Khan admitted, obviously trying not to look too glum. "On paper, our three oponents are better than we are. In fact, group D is probably the most difficult group. But if we can pull off a victory against Gesamtkuntswerk in our first match, we can tackle the others knowing we're in with a slim chance. If not..." He paused. "See you in the next World Cup."

Lemmitania (8 )
Audioslavia (18 )
Commerce Heights (23)
Total n Utter Insanity (29)

ooc: (ahem)


BEST

GROUP

EVER


TnUI..... finally..... our time has come......

..anyway. ic:

AUDIOSLAVIA DRAWN WITH GREATEST RIVALS

The draw for World Cup X today revealed that Audioslavia will be drawn alongside Lemmitania and Total 'n Utter Insanity.

Neighbours Audioslavia and Lemmitania have a rivalry which dates back more than twenty years to their two matches in World Cup Four, where Lemmitania won both: 2-1 in the qualifiers, and 3-2 on penalties in the second round.
The last matchup came in World Cup 6, where the sides played out a 1-1 draw.

Audioslavia and Lemmitania's paths havent crossed since they co-hosted world cup seven with each other. That however, is more than can be said for the paths of Audioslavia and Total 'n Utter Insanity.

This is the very first time the 'slaves and TnUI will play each other. Ever. It is amazing, given the political and personal rivalry between the two nations, that, in the 'slaves twenty-four year football history and TnUI's thirty-six year football history, the two teams havent met.

Until now.

Security in One Red Dot will have to be as tight as a gnat's chuff, as rival supporters cannot entirely be expected to refrain for killing each other. Audioslavia's and TnUI's combined populations number over 3 billion. By the end of the 90-minute war, those numbers are expected to be halved.

The other team in the group is Commerce Heights, who many are expecting to come top of the group, benefitting from the hysteria around the other three teams.

The group's fixtures are:

Matchday 1:
Audioslavia vs Lemmitania
Commerce Heights vs Total 'n Utter Insanity

Matchday 2:
Audioslavia vs Total 'n Utter Insanity
Lemmitania vs Commerce Heights

Matchday 3:
Audioslavia vs Commerce Heights
Lemmitania Vs Total 'n Utter Insanity.

and the odds to top the group are:

Lemmitania 2-1
Commerce Heights 5-2
Audioslavia 4-1
Total 'n Utter Insanity 7-1

in other news:

Svecia get their miracle
Clearwater suffer shock home defeat

Svecia's population breathed a collective sigh of relief today, warming the country up by 0.3c.

Clearwater, just needing a point at home to Davii, who had won just two of their previous fifteen matches, lost. Davii's goal came in the final minutes, as Clearwater became too complacent in defence and let through the Davii striker for the only goal of the game. Svecia now go through on goal difference.

No Retribution for Ravens
Audioslavia take point away from home

Ravenspire, hoping to avenge their 3-1 defeat by the 'slaves, were held to a draw in their own stadium yesterday.

Despite taking the lead early in the second half through a well taken goal by David Spencer, Audioslavia hit back through a Gary King header on 78 minutes. Ravenspire dominated the final moments of the game, but the score remained 1-1

Final Score
Ravenspire 1 (Spencer 58)
Audioslavia 1 (King 78)

final table:
[code:1:8c9794ad90]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Ravenspire (3) 16 12 3 1 32 13 +19 39 Qlf
Audioslavia (18) 16 10 1 5 29 14 +15 31 Qlf
Svecia (22) 16 9 1 6 27 17 +10 28 Qlf
Clearwater (80) 16 8 4 4 19 13 +6 28 Eli
Zinkoland (67) 16 8 3 5 19 13 +6 27 Eli
The Dragonian Empire (57) 16 7 3 6 25 22 +3 24 Eli
Dauragons 16 3 3 10 8 24 -15 12 Eli
Davii 16 3 2 11 8 28 -20 11 Eli
Citta Acqua 16 1 2 13 6 29 -23 5 Eli
[/code:1:8c9794ad90]

Ravenspire had been through for weeks, whilst Audioslavia only confirmed their place a few days ago, however, the final place was taken by Svecia last night after Clearwater failed to win.

Zinkoland, after a promising start, fell away mid-season and, despite a late surge, had been mathematically eliminated for a while. The Dragonian Empire were dissapointing in the cup, finishing fifth and a long way off the pace.

Davii and Dauragons made a modest show of themselves, confortably avoiding the ignomy of being the groups bottom side.

That accolade belongs to Citta Acqua. Although Citta looked promising in the early stages of the cup, with it's fans and media taking a real interest in its proceedings, the interest waned as Citta found themselves out of their depth in the tough group 8.

Jonny Willow tops scoring chart
Striker is Audioslavia's top marksman.

With the qualifiers over, Jonny Willow has been confirmed as Audioslavia's top goalscorer for the WCX qualifiers, despite having a 3-game lay off for injuries. With 10 goals in 16 matches he easily beat Bury into second place with only five goals.

Players like Goodwyn, Dipper and Lever, usually devastating in front of goal, have dried up over the 16-game period. In fact, at third place in the list is a substitute, Gary King, who only started four games.

The full list is:
Willow 10 (12 games, striker)
Bury 5 (14 games, striker)
King 3 (4 games, striker)
Shearer 2 (13 games, midfielder)
Branson 1 (15 games, centre-back)
Goodwyn 1 (15 games, winger)
Dipper 1 (14 games, midfielder)
Jackson 1 (14 games, centre-back)
Lever 1 (10 games, winger)
Mill 1 (3 games, winger)
Ward 1 (2 games, winger)
Smith 1 (2 games, centre-back)
Alayami 1 (1 game, winger)

DAILY CROCODILE

Bi Kikere rested the first team against Stealth Zerbert, but the reserves still came away with a 3-0 win, leaving Tanah Burung with the fourth-best record in qualifiers (only Lemmitania, clearly aided by supernatural forces, managed to defeat the C rocodiles).

As the draw was made for the World Cup proper, Crocodiles fans could celebrate. The Crocs were drawn in Group B:

Dennisov (14)
Tanah Burung (24)
Aquilla (27)
Antaeus Rising (40)

Looking at rank alone, this is one of the weakest groups. Tanah Burung faces only one top-20 team, after topping a qualifying group that contained two top-20 teams and a scoring powerhouse called The Lowland Clans. But former World Cup champion Dennisov powered through qualifiers and assured itself of a Cup spot weeks before anyone else. And both Aquilla and Antaeus Rising are dangerous sides that can't be counted out. This group may not be as weak as it looks.

The Crocodiles are training hard for their opener against the group's dominant team, Dennisov. A win or a draw will put them in good position to advance. A loss will pujt them in a deep hole heading into their matches against the lower-ranked teams.

SVECIA THROUGH TO GROUP STAGE

Despite a terrorist attack on their nation, Svecians across the country celebrated the news this morning that their national team had gone through to the Group Stage. An apparent mistake in the news last evening had declared that Svecia had no chance to move on, with the Lightning having a bye and Clearwater playing lowly Davii and only needing a tie to advance in place of the blue and yellow. But the dice fell right for Svecia, with Davii scoring off a mad scramble in front of the Clearwater goal in the waning minutes of their match.

Also happily, for the Svecian squad, star Francisco Cardini has been cleared to play in the Group Stage.

Paladins finish on high note with defeat of Oilermania

Hey, maybe we aren't as bad as we look

With the Empress Cup looming instead of thr Round of 32, the Ice Paladins were determined to go out with a bang.

George Labelle and Chretien Dumont each scored in the first half as the Ice Paladins finished strong of the road at Oilermania.

With a final rank of 50 out of 90 teams, this has been a good year for the Paladins, especially after the debacle of the first half.

"Wow," said Julie Labrique oif the IPA. "Who'da thought we bounce back in such a truly splendid fashion?"

The final set of teams in the Empress Cup will be announced soon, we hope. Paladins soccer will use this as a chance to go forth and prove that the first half was a fluke.

Other news

Cockbill Street locked up fourth place last night, we look foward to playing them in the Empress Cup. SterlingIce beat Dennisov to lock up fourth place over LordSquall, who drew thereby keeping the Paladins in 6th place.

Scuttlebutt – Special World Cup Edition

Hooligans Have Hard Row to Hoe
Sten Remington Grey

The draw for World Cup 10 is now complete, and it leaves the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans a hard row to hoe. The Group, consisting of Runaway Moose, Dark Outcasts, The Lowland Clans, and Snub Nose 38s’ Hooligans, is very tight – a group of closely matched sides.

On paper the Hooligans should have a slight advantage, ranked 6th against Runaway Moose a 13th, Dark Outcasts at 28th, and The Lowland Clans at 43rd. But a closer look at recent results shows that during qualifying Runaway Moose ranked 2nd, the Hooligans 17th, Dark Outcasts 21st and The Lowland Clans 24th.

Even so, if rankings were the only thing that counted, then both pre-cup ranking as well as qualifying ranking would see Snub Nose 38 and Runaway Moose through to round 2.

But rankings are NOT all that counts. It that were true, The Lowland Clans would not have qualified. No, what counts is conditioning, fitness, training, spirit, skill, intensity, and a little luck.

With only three matches, one against each other side in the group, to determine who goes on to round 2 and who goes home, Manager Ben Dover has decided to change his tactics a bit.

“What we can’t afford to do is let the other side score,” Ben said. “We aren’t going to get many scoring chances against the likes of these opponents, so our best chance is to limit their opportunities to score. Our strategy for round 1 is strong defense and quick accurate attacks. We’re nothing to be sneezed at, ya know! We can score a goal or two from time to time.”

When asked for specifics, Dover said, “What am I, nuts? I should tell you the details of our plans, so you can print them in that rag of yours, where our opponents can read them? Wake up, pal.”

When hard pressed, Ben did say, “Well, I'll give ya' two things we're thinkin' of. One - we gonna remind the lads the Crocs (Tanah Burung Crocodiles - editor) are not in our group, and the only way they're gonna get a match with the Crocs is to get through to the second round. And B, we’re gonna switch from three forwards, four midfielders, and three defenders to two forwards, four midfielders, four defenders – and a chicken. More than that you’re not gettin’ from me.”

[code:1:c1acd465f3]
Group C, World Cup 10 – Venue Giant Zucchini

Rk Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
*2 Runaway Moose (13) 16 12 4 0 32 8 +24 40
17 Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 +15 35
21 Dark Outcasts (28) 16 10 3 3 26 10 +16 33
24 The Lowland Clans (43) 16 10 1 5 34 15 +19 31[/code:1:c1acd465f3]

OOC:Ignore this if I have not qualified yet.
http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF forfit match in respect of those dead

In respect of those killed by the Spaamainian terrorist after the cricket match TBF have decided to give the win to their opponents for matchday 18. Coach Alan Belmore said this "Seeing we have already qualified there is nothing to lose by paying our respects to those killed by this awful man."

It is expected for TBF to return to usual when WC10 starts in ernest on Wednesday.

Spaam: Sorry if I caused any offence but I was trying to be against the man, not the player. Maybe istead of running to the mods perhaps sueing the paper or something. This would be much more intersting. Again I am sorry if I caused offence I was jsut trying to pay repect to the dead as a real contry would. As I say, sue the newspaper.

ORD/GZ: As the game was forfited isn't a 3-0 win rather than a 3-2 win just for Aneaus Rising?

Sue the paper? You're the one who wrote it.

Listen, if you want to RP it, then fine. I declare war on you.

Of course, if you take back the allegation and issue a formal apology, I will consider not wiping you off the face of the planet.

But in short, that was godmodding.

(OOC: Rejis: English isn't really spoken in Nikea except when talking to people from foreign countries. The official speaking English is fine, but I had to think up something quick for the English radio station :p )

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Confusion in Interiu
Shut Out Streak Extended to 6 Matches as Subs End Qualifying with 1-0 Win
by Markenin Markenel

INTERIU(NP) - There was confusion abound in Interiu yesterday afternoon for the final qualifying match between Rejistania and Nikea, a match which meant absolutely nothing for the standings.

The match fell on the ban put in place by Nikean Minister of Fashion Nistrinrë Asteritel, who banned anyone inside Nikean borders from wearing orange and blue at the same time. Unfortunately for the visitors, both their home and away strip contained both orange and blue, and they heard the announcement while on a train in Interiu, on Nikea's only English language radio station, KAOB 450 AM. Rejistania player Mata Koleni headed to the Interirien Field gift shop to purchase Nikean away jerseys, which being white with navy blue, were colours that were allowed to be worn on the day of the ban. Unfortunately for Koleni, Nikean prices were much more expensive than he expected, and the 7% clothing tax applied to all clothing purchases were enough to send him weeping from the store with an empty wallet.

Luckily for the Pandas, the jerseys purchased by the Rejistanis had the names and numbers of the original starting ten players, as the Rejistani keeper Syku Hexen's uniform did not break the rules. Since all of the players were substitutes, there were no conflicts between the white Nikean jerseys of the Rejistani players, and the crimson red jerseys of the Nikean substitutes.

The match started off as a debacle. The young Nikeans, who were used to playing in Nikean white rather than Nikean red, often passed the ball to the opposing team. The inexperienced Rejistani team, who were also playing substitutes, showed their lack of playing time by giving the ball up many times to the Pandas players, who usually promptly passed it back.

The match settled down after awhile. Each team seemed to adapt to the jersey fiasco, and play became a heated battle between two teams of substitutes, trying to make a case to be put in the starting eleven for their respective squads. There was a small crisis when the official wrote down Lorinen Jaskertel's name and number instead of the Rejistani player who committed the foul. The first half ended 0-0.

The second half began much the way the first half ended; full of exciting play. The teams exchanged chances, and it looked as though the match was headed for a scoreless draw, until Ichirou Kitase, the 18-year-old SF Queldas prodigy, took advantage of a Rejistani defensive error, and slammed a shot that had more power than Hexen could handle. The match ended 1-0 for the Pandas.

Panda Magic ends their qualifying run with one of the best qualifying records in the world, with 11 wins, 2 draws, and 2 losses for 38 points. They scored 21 goals, allowing only 9, for a +12 GD, and have a six game streak of no goals allowed, four of the matches played by the substitutes. They managed to hold the world-leading Oglethorpians to no goals in both matches with the 5th ranked squad (although one match ended early after bureaucracy reared its ugly head), and their only blunder was the 4-0 loss on matchday 7 to Haraki.

The Nikeans now join Group F for World Cup X, which will play its matches at Royal Burrington Stadium in Knights’ Gate, in Burrington, One Red Dot. Group F consists of 10th ranked Kingsford, 19th ranked Halfassedstates, who Nikea saw twice in the last World Cup Qualifying round, and 22nd ranked Svecia, who qualified after a miracle that put Clearwater out. On paper, the 31st ranked Pandas look outclassed, but Nikea has a great record against top ranked teams. Perhaps the team which held the 7th best qualifying record in the world will manage to continue winning in One Red Dot.

[code:1:82bf194476]
Nikea 1 (Kitase 86)
v.
Rejistania 0
[/code:1:82bf194476]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea W 3-0
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas D 0-0
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu W 1-0

Warnocks Wizards: “This Was Their Finest Hour?”

Despite 2-0 Victory, National Team Fails Yet Again to Qualify for the World Cup

From our news services...

Matchday 18, Microbrits–Former Microbrits Dictator Little Winny Churchmill has a saying, “In war, you can only be killed once, but in football, many times.” Once again, the Wizards found themselves on the brink of world cup qualification, only to fail so cruelly on the final matchday. This time around, the Red and White Wizards needed to defeat the Microbrits and hope that the defenders of truth, Usania, could upset the Total n Utter Insane. The Wizards upheld their part of the bargain with an easy 2-0 victory over the tiny tikes, but the Insane stormed to a 4-0 victory (erroneously reported by Bill Clintone on Usania’s Communist News Network as a 4-0 Usania victory) to book the final qualifying spot in Group 3 for One Giant Red Dot Zucchini.

The Wizards managed to win despite having several top players miss out due to the shockingly awful cuisine of the Microbrits. Globdreg the Destroyer lamented, “Did you see the teeth on some of their players? No wonder they have such poor dental hygiene, their food is less edible than a Commerce Heights Chicken MaxiNugget.” Poor Ishklash the Snooty had to be dropped for the match as the brown water of Microbrits gave him the Microshits. In spite of the adversity, the lads did the Empire proud. Ishklash’s substitute, Zagag the Sleak, scored the opening goal of the match on the half hour mark. Ghaztrak the Gouger, playing in midfield due to the stool problems of several regulars, set Zagag free with a telling ball, and the New Orthanc United striker jinked and jived through the poor Microbrit defense finishing well past Diminutive Dave for a 1-0 lead.
Globdreg the Destroyer put the tie beyond all doubt when he muscled his way easily through his Microbrit opponents just three minutes into the second half. His powerful drive was too much for the bewildered keeper, who could only tamely deflect the ball into the net. The rest of the match was academic with the home side offering little going forward, and the Wizards aware that Usania were getting thrashed by the Insane. Full time: Microbrits 0, Warnocks Wizards 2.

Warnocks Wizards: Krumsnik the Paunch, Grimbrug the Basher, Akhburz the Straggler, Mausnik the Cleaver, Ufdush the Nasty, Gromdul the Gasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Durbret the Choker, Burzgob the Butcher, Globdreg the Destroyer, Zagag the Sleak.

Unused substitutes: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough.

Despite five wins and a draw in their last six matches of world cup qualifying, the Wizards came up agonizingly short in trying to qualify for One Giant Red Dot Zucchini. However, perhaps the failure will give their World Cup 11 co-hosting bid a boost. What other applicant can argue, “Please support our world cup bid as we have little chance of ever qualifying for the World Cup without actually hosting it.”

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam group drawn
The Wonderteam finds itself in a group filled with many highly seeded opponents

By Mark Leg

GIANT ZUCCHINI (BT) -- Group draws have placed the Oglethorpian Wonderteam, ranked 5th in the world, against co-host Giant Zucchini (7th), Sqournshelous (12th) and nearby neighbor Eauz, ranked 44th. "We've drawn a tough group," said coach Guy Picciotto, "but after our preformance in qualifying, i'm sure we'll put in a strong preformance." While against many talented opponents, the Wonderteam has qualified with a 12-2-1 record, earning 41 points and holding World Cup X qualifying's largest goal difference at +30.

"What can I say?" said Picciotto. "There were talks of hiring offensive and defensive coaches for the first time in history for World Cup XI, but I think World Cup X qualifying has made that seem unneccesary."

Every national side in group A has played the Oglethorpian Wonderteam, facing Eauz first in World Cup 6, maintaining a 2-0-0 record against them.

Giant Zucchini was also in the Wonderteam's WC6 qualifying group, the record against them standing at 1-1-0.

Finally, Sqournshelous met Oglethorpia in the World Cup 6 group stages. The Wonderteam would secure a draw against Sqournshelous; but too little too late, as Sqournshelous would move onto the second round sending the Wonderteam home. World Cup X marks the second time in history that Oglethorpia and Sqournshelous have been in the same first round group, some 16 years later.

"Of those," says coach Picciotto, "we only have something to prove with Sqournshelous, who shut us out of the second round in World Cup 6. We've plenty of reason to try and exact that fate upon them. Our preformances against Eauz and Giant Zucchini have been respectable ones, and as such we have less reason to worry about our matches against them."

"Still," adds team captain Fernando Green, "past records or not, we're going to give it our all against our fellow group A contenders."

"I agree," said a random Wonderteam fan in Megalopolis City. "I just wanna see the Wonderteam play some good futebol and win some matches."

Indeed. We just want to see the Wonderteam play some good football.

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

WONDERTEAM FIRST ROUND (GROUP A) SCHEDULE

Wonderteam vs. Giant Zuchinni
Wonderteam vs. Sqournshelous
Wonderteam vs. Eauz

---

Lou Oswald escapes
Wonderteam defender 'on the lamb' from Widespread Nationwide Police

By Jeff Ovens

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Earlier this morning, Lou Oswald failed to turn out for morning breakfast in the Megalopolis City Adult Correctional Institution, administrators within the complex later confirming that Wonderteam defender Lou Oswald had really escaped the penal institution. Oswald was incarcerated following the assualt and robery of a Senojian citizen post-matchday 17 against the Senojian national team. "I don't know where he could be," commented fellow defender Samson Grey. "I mean, Lou's always been nice to me; not violent or anything, so I don't know why he'd do that. I wonder where he's going, anyways."

The Wonderteam truly does wonder where Oswald has fled to following his escape from the Megalopolis City prison. "We love Lou like a brother," commented midfielder Floyd Black. "Wherever Lou is, I just want him to know that the team's hopin' the best for him, and wishes to see him soon; even if it involves turning himself in."

Widespread Nationwide Police executives, analysts and speculators have suggested that defender Lou Oswald might have fled to the United Provinces of Tanah Burung. Still others suggest he has made his way into Kingsford, and a small minority even suggests he's gone nuts and attempted to flee the nation via makeshift raft.

"Anything's possible," commented a Bureaucratic Tribune analyst.

Wherever Lou Oswald is, remember the Wonderteam's wish; to see your safe return.

Replacement defender named to Wonderteam
Wonderteam defender Lou Oswald replaced

By Mike Teal

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Following Lou Oswald's incarceration after the Senoj match on matchday 17, the Association of Football and Wonderteam management scrambled to arrange a replacement defender to fill Oswald's relinquished position. Of the prospective defenders, Wonderteam management went with a young man from AC Megalopolis City named "Butch Beige," a promising young recruit only 25 years old.

Said Beige, "it's great to be named to the Wonderteam; international football's an exciting thing, and I hope I don't let the Wonderteam fans down."

Beige has been called "a spitting image of Lou Oswald" by some, other claiming that can't be true since Oswald is on the run from the WNP.

Lou Oswald's doppleganger or not, Butch Beige looks to be a fine defender come his first match against Giant Zucchini (as a substitute filled in against SPARTEN.)

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Just As We Feared
Lions in "Group of Death"

GIANT ZUCCHINI -- After Bedistan notched their fifth consecutive win, comfortably defeating Kerla 1-0 at home, to slip into second place in Group 7, the group stage draws were announced. The Lions, of course, are in the only group to have FOUR top 20 teams:

Group D
Liverpool England (2)
Bedistan (4)
Gesamtkuntswerk (11)
Ariddia (20)

The incredible closeness of the team rankings ensures that this will not be a cakewalk for any of the teams involved. Two top fives, including one former champion, one team just outside the top ten, and a perennial powerhouse that just managed to stay in the top 20 after WC9 all combine to create a veritable Group of Death(TM).

"This is awful," says team captain Chuck Mitchell. "Figures that we'd get the toughest group out of all of them."

"Good freakin' gosh, we're playing Liverpool England AGAIN?!" was the remark from an astonished manager Gene Barber. "They beat us in the WC8 final. They beat us in the WC9 third-place match. Can't they leave us the @#%& alone?"

Others are excited about the rematch. "All right, we can finally show the Liverpudlians who's boss!" exulted one anonymous fan.

Liverpool England will be Bedistan's first opponent, followed by Ariddia and Gesamtkuntswerk.

---------

OOC:

Group D is a toughie havng 2 of the top 5.

Just as a complete out-of-nowhere guess, I wonder if that could indicate another rematch of the WC8 final? I hope not... ;)

Remind me never to make a guess like that again. :P

***Press Release***
***Ready for Immediate Distribution***

New Orthanc, WW–Minister for Sport Ufhur the Hated has announced that Warnocks Wizards has accepted an invitation from Tranquillitis to compete in the third installment of the Cup of Harmony. The Red and White Wizards, hosts and champions of the second edition of the tournament, are happy to defend their title against several other worthy nations that missed out on One Giant Red Dot Zucchini by the narrowest of margins.

OOC: For everyone too lazy to read this, I'll nicely summarize the main points encompassed by this post.

IC:
It’s been a long day for minister of Sport and Culture, Tony Hernandez. After having to wake up early to meet with potential investors upon the building of a new concert hall on the coastline of downtown Kalita, he endured a long, painful filibuster by the opposition, trying to bar a legislation which would make streaking illegal at sporting events. Hernandez looked to his left at the old-styled grandfather clock which stood at the back wall of his foyer, and saw it was 11:30. He called for Rodrigo to bring him his nightwear, and his butler came strolling stealthily with his housecoat and his slippers in hand.

In one of the more farcical entities of the Brazillican constitution, Article 17-A-08 stated that all cabinet ministers were granted a butler, a maid and a ham for the Christmas holidays. After he put on his slippers and his housecoat, Hernandez asked Rodrigo for the daily paper and a glass three-quarters filled of ice, before giving him permission to retire for the night.

Tony made his way to the study with the paper rolled up in hand. The study was a tastefully decorated room, furnished in a 19th Century mid-Victorian style. On the left side of the room stood a large bookcase, filled with old books from his days at college and recent governmental reports. On the right side, there was a magnificent bay window, with two large tropical plants on each side of it and a wooden rocking chair in the middle, with a lovely stained glass lamp hanging above the chair. Hernandez liked to call the particular section of the room his reading area. Straight ahead was his “wall of fame”, a brown-painted wall adorned with his university diploma, graduation pictures of his kids, his honourable discharge from the military and other various achievements. Below lay a massive oak desk, with a mess of pens, papers and a computer on its top, and a large, leather chair pushed neatly against the centre of the desk.

Hernandez pulled out the chair and took a seat by his desk. A man famed for his tastes in expensive spirits, he pulled open one of the bottom drawers and studied its contents, before opting to go with the 12-year old Canadian whisky. After filling up his glass to the brim, Hernandez took a sip from his drink and unrolled his paper.

He pawed through the headlines haphazardly, “Tensions Rising Between Spaam and The Belmore Family”, “Orange-Blue grouping illegal in Nikea”, “Cockbill Street prepares for World Cup of Handball”, seemingly paying more attention to his drink than the newspaper. Suddenly, a small passage tucked away in the margin jumped out at the minister, nearly making him spit out his drink.


New Orthanc, WW–Minister for Sport Ufhur the Hated has announced that Warnocks Wizards has accepted an invitation from Tranquillitis to compete in the third installment of the Cup of Harmony. The Red and White Wizards, hosts and champions of the second edition of the tournament, are happy to defend their title against several other worthy nations that missed out on One Giant Red Dot Zucchini by the narrowest of margins.

Hernandez scrambled for his cordless phone, reaching for his receiver and pressing number 8 on the speed dial. After two rings, which seemed like two decades to Tony, someone on the other end picked up. “Esteban!?” Hernandez exclaimed, “Looks like the Bats are gonna be back sooner than we anticipated…”

SUMMARY:
-Ministers get a holiday ham -- What's up with that?
-Brazillico wishes to enter the Harmony Cup.

(Enter this in the record books:
Region: Emerald Heights
Countries entered: 4 (Oglethorpia, Kingsford, Eauz, Tanah Burung)
Countries qualified: 4 (Oglethorpia, Kingsford, Eauz, Tanah Burung)
:D


The Evisceratomato Drive for Zucchini: Chapter the Last

Nate E. Visser (Wisest of, etcetera) is on the sidelines of the Evisceratomato-East Spaam match. This takes place in a small valley, the hillsides covered in rank upon rank of Evisceratomato spectators. Just over the hill, out of sight, are gathered the Fruity Armed Forces, rank upon rank of pissed-off, armed-to-the-leaves, sentient vegetables.

Whistle. The East Spaamanians kick off. A nameless Evisceratomato immediately hurls himself at the East Spaam captain, with a shout "For the Motherland!" Splatter.

The referee red-cards the East Spaamanian. Off he goes.

The visitors are a little nervous after this. Evisceratomato players make little effort to score, instead growling and making sudden lunges at their opponents. They pay little attention to manager Sal Manela, who shouts at them to try to keep possession of the ball. They're listening much more to Nate, who shouts "Eviscerate the butchering Eastspammies, my little rutabagas!"

Half time. Evisceratomato fans boo the East Spaamanians as they head for their dressing room (geddit?). One fan shouts "Death to Sam from Spaam!" and dives onto the visiting players. Splat, once again. The half-time show features the Evisceratomato Cheese and Whine chorus:

We do not like that damn East Spaam,
We do not like them Sam I Am:
We do not like them in our land
We do not like them sliced or canned
We will not shake their blood-stained hand
We want them from the World Cup banned!

Second half action can barely be heard over the din of jeering and angry Evisceratomatoes. Sal has finally got control of his players, who occasionally glance over at the sidelines and see Nate shouting "win or die, my dearest little peppers!" At the 66-minute mark Evisceratomato striker Urk Smith-Philomacht-Vegetablestew-Marmoset IV (junior) breaks through the demoralized East Spaam defence and takes aim -- the crowd holds its collective breath -- and erupts into a chorus so loud that several Evisceratomatoes spontaneoulsy explode as the ball goes in. GOOOOOOOAA- oh, you know the rest.

http://www.highrise.dircon.co.uk/groundfl/concierg/notepad/killtom.jpg
Urk Smith-Philomacht-Vegetablestew-Marmoset IV (junior)

The final minutes are dominated by Evisceratomato fan cheers:

Kill East Spaam,
Ground their bones,
Boom bang bam,
Make them groan.

The Fighting Fruit are making no effort any longer to play football. They just hang back and growl at East Spaamanian players. "Revenge! Slaughter them," shouts Nate from the sidelines. The East Spaamanians keep trying bravely, and get some good chances, but goalkeeper Beloved McFizz is there each time. The final whistle blows.

But before players can leave the pitch, Evisceratomato soldiers advance over the hillside, rifles at the ready. They take aim. And open fire on the East Spaam footballers.

http://www.teachinghearts.org/dr0itlkillertomato.gif
An Evisceratomato soldier

How many dead? Nate, he doesn't care. "Ask the East Spaamanians how many they lost," he says. "It is only fair and just vengeance, my little brazil-nut."

This double post is also East Spaam's fault. :wink:

<snip>

How many dead? Nate, he doesn't care. "Ask the East Spaamanians how many they lost," he says. "It is only fair and just vengeance, my little brazil-nut."

OOC: Hehehehehe.... ;)

Tragedy in Evisceratomato

United Spaam is in mourning after almost every Spaamanian, East or no, involved with international football, was killed by a freak attack by the Evisceratomato army after the qualifying match involving East Spaam. The entire Spaamanian football team, after their tie with Scarbara, the USFA, the East Spaamanian football entourage, most of the past Spaamanian football greats, were all cut down. So far, the only recorded survivor, is Méla Sëhelin, assistant coach of the Spaamanian national team, and the best player ever to grace United Spaam, who happened to be in the bathroom at the time.

However, no action will be taken against the Evisceratomatoes, who claim the attack was revenge for the last time they and East Spaam met, which was also a blood bath. The joke is on them, says United Spaam President, Fin DeCáno. "We've been stealing their children to make our best selling Evisceratomato Sauce. So I figure we're even. I don't think we're going to be doing too well in football for a while though."

In other news, Spaam failed to qualify for the World Cup. Noone was surprised.

Grand Finale: Aquilla whupps the BB players 3-0 at Eagle Stadium. We go to Giant Zuchinni with Tanah Burung, former champs Dennisov, and TnUI puppets Anteaus Rising. We first play AR, then Dennisov, then Tanah Burung. Grigala finished with the lowest point total in the whole cup. And - surprise! Aquilla has the same amount of points as Bedistan, and one more than Commerce Heights. HA!

I have a great deal of rivalry with these guys.

Grand Finale: Aquilla whupps the BB players 3-0 at Eagle Stadium. We go to Giant Zuchinni with Tanah Burung, former champs Dennisov, and TnUI puppets Anteaus Rising. We first play AR, then Dennisov, then Tanah Burung. Grigala finished with the lowest point total in the whole cup. And - surprise! Aquilla has the same amount of points as Bedistan, and one more than Commerce Heights. HA!

I have a great deal of rivalry with these guys.
OOC: Blame the qualifying groups. :lol:
Seriously, though, if you're so much better than us, how come we've been in 1 more Cup than you, when you've been in one more qualifier than us? And how come you're 27th, and we're 23rd? And we get to play in the really cool stadium, and you don't? :P

You were better in the past. We are better now.

Or at least, for now. And I still don't know what stadium I'm playing in so don't speak just yet.

That was a nice note to end on.

NEWSFLASH:

32 national teams from all over the world have gathered in Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot to participate in
http://www.geocities.com/acmw1987/wcx.txt
All 32 teams are vying for the Cup, which happens to be celebrating its 40th year running. This is the biggest event that has been held in the United Powers region, and its significance as its 10th World Cup has brought many from around the world flocking to Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot. Also boosted in the region are sales of World Cup related items such as official balls, team jerseys, and soft toys featuring the WCX mascot, OGRZ (pronounced O-Gerz).
http://www.geocities.com/acmw1987/ogrz.txt
Says one ten year old citizen of Giant Zucchini, "It's so CUTE!!!" The World Cup has certainly strengthened the economy of Giant Zucchini, One Red Dot, and the United Powers region.

[code:1:10523a812b]
Group C, World Cup 10 – Venue Giant Zucchini

Rk Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
*2 Runaway Moose (13) 16 12 4 0 32 8 +24 40
17 Snub Nose 38 (6) 16 11 2 3 27 12 +15 35
21 Dark Outcasts (28) 16 10 3 3 26 10 +16 33
24 The Lowland Clans (43) 16 10 1 5 34 15 +19 31[/code:1:10523a812b]

The word pants comes to mind - the word originally inserted instead of pants was omitted for offensive reasons.

May i be the first to say: ZOUNDS!

(This of course refers not to Dark Outxcasts' group, but to the Cup logo and the cuddly OGRZ, already a best-seller among the Tanah Burung fans beginning to arrive in Giant Zucchini.)

(Enter this in the record books:
Region: Emerald Heights
Countries entered: 4 (Oglethorpia, Kingsford, Eauz, Tanah Burung)
Countries qualified: 4 (Oglethorpia, Kingsford, Eauz, Tanah Burung)
:D
Put this on the same page:
Region: Asteroid B612
Countries entered: 2 of 6 total (Runaway Moose, Snub Nose 38 )
Countries qualified: 2 (Runaway Moose, Snub Nose 38 )
:wink:

Hooligans fans are also highly impressed with the WCX Logo and that cute little mascot "OGRZ"!

(Fighting Fruit taken to the fullest extent -he he he!)

Lovely flag put-together, GZ! :)


OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Vote gathering for next hosts has begun. All WCC members, please telegram me with your vote.

And
Region The Heartland
Entrants 6: LE, Oddslavo, Gesamtkuntswerk, Spaam, Clearwater, Dennisov
Qualifiers 4: All but Spaam and CW

Mr Lemieux found himself back in his office. After being absent for about a week he opened the paper.

"Dennisov lost two games??? Damn, all they had to do was call my mobile, I was only playing golf!"

After qualifying after a couple of games *ahum* Lemieux had gone back to his beloved game of putting a small ball into a hole only a little bit bigger, i.e. golf

"Let's see who we are gonna play"

Game 1
Dennisov - Tanah Burung
Game 2
Dennisov - Aquilla
Game 3
Dennisov - Antaeus Rising

"ahhh crap! we always play the best team first, A CONSPIRACY!!!, if we qualify 1st or 4th it doesn't seem to matter...anyway...Tanah Burung first then. Am not very pleased about that one, I have to say. Then the 2nd best, Aquilla. Ok WHY didn't we start against the nr 4?"

Lemieux picks up the phone,
"Yeah hello, this the betting office? I want to place a bet on final placing in group B."
"My name? erm, Smith, Mario Smith. What? I sound like someone you know?"
"Anyway, you want my bet or not?
"Thank you"

1. Tanah Burung
2. Antaeus Rising
3. Dennisov
4. Aquilla

"Pardon?"
"Yes, same to you."

OOC: humpf, no wonder I have a dislike to puppets....

and besides, the golf courses in Dennisov are a lot better than those in Arrilov...

If we could have a moment of your time? Thank you.

Giant Evil Spider Football League (GESFL) Announces Third Season!

After the moderate success of the inaugural GESFL season (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1622041), and the equally successful GESFL second season (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=94186&start=0), The Giant Evil Spider Football League is pleased to announce the imminent onset of the GESFL’s Third Season. The GESFL was founded by Dire Arachnia. Host’s for this seasons tournament will be Little Miss Muffet.

Any Giant Evil Spider nations or puny edible human nations fronting squads of genetically- (or otherwise-) altered spiders who wish to participate should use this link to sign-up for GESFLs 3rd Season. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/posting.php?mode=editpost&p=2377616) Participating in GESFL seasons one or two is not required to participate in season three.

The third season of GESFL will follow the same format as seasons one and two, each side will play each other side home and away. At the end of the season, the top two sides will face each other in a Championship Match, the winner taking home the Arachne Cup.

(OOC: Anticipate third season starting sometime after new years day of 2004.)

*we are in the kitchen of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages' mansion. the minister is sitting at the kitchen table, having tea and toast. he’s having a little trouble buttering the toast. margaret is sitting across from him, her bacon and eggs half gone, sipping her second cup of coffee and reading the sports pages. she finds the group c schedule of matches.*

- Oh boy. What a schedule!
- What?
- Look at the schedule for the Hooligans in Round One!
- Umm…three matches. So?
- Those are going to be three very, very tough matches, bub. You better get ahold of Ben and Eileen, and see if there’s anything they need from us. I’m off to stock up on the finest chickens I can find
- Can you get some of that soft buttery stuff while you’re out?
- Try to stay on topic. Make the call!


Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Round One of World Cup X To Get Underway
Giant Zucchini Mike Easter, ASPN wire

Group C, venue - Giant Zucchini's Antediluvian Stadium
1 Snub Nose 38 (6)
2 Runaway Moose (13)
3 Dark Outcasts (28 )
4 The Lowland Clans (43)

The Scheduled Matches for Group C, Round 1
Matchday 3:
Snub Nose 38 vs The Lowland Clans
Runaway Moose vs Dark Outcasts

Later that day, the results of Round 1 Matchday 1 were published in the evening edition of Scuttlebutt

Matchday 1 Results
Snub Nose 38 1 Runaway Moose 1
Dark Outcasts 2 The Lowland Clans 1

Matchday 2 Results
Snub Nose 38 1 Dark Outcasts 0
Runaway Moose 0 The Lowland Clans 3
[code:1:02b2640f0b]
Round One Results, Group C

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max
Snub Nose 38 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4 7
The Lowland Clans 2 1 0 1 4 2 2 3 6
Dark Outcasts 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3 6
Runaway Moose 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1 4
[/code:1:02b2640f0b]

Sowhatsville News back page

3 Games, 3 Strikers, 3 goals, 3 1-0 wins for Halfassed, 3 familiar faces in WCX opening round!

James Milton's 75th minute goal helped him become Halfassed 2nd highest goal scorer ever, and helped Halfassed complete a double victory against LE to claim top spot in Group 9.
After losing the opening 2 matches, 14 games undefeated (W11 D3) saw Halfassed top a difficult group and make it to their 5th successive WC.

After defeating Pavesia 1-0 courtesy of Crewgar's 42nd minute goal, Halfassed qualified for the finals during their bye week when Akbarland slipped-up. Determined to secure as many points as possible, Smith sent out the Halfassed side against El Cid hoping for a rout. The Hero however was not in the mood to be easily dispatched and it took a great header from Gunnett in the 84th minute to finally break the deadlock and keep Halfassed on course for the top of the table crunch against LE that we witnessed yesterday.

When the draw for the cup was made this morning, Halfassed appeared in Group F (or 6) alongside three familiar faces.
Kingsford, Svecia and Nikea
Some of you will remember our only meeting with Kingsford, way back in WC6 when we defeated them 1-0 in their own backyard while they were hosting the cup!
Svecia are a much different story however, having defeated Halfassed twice during qualifying for WC8. (3-0 and 3-1)
The final team in the group are our friends Nikea who we played just over 4 years ago in WC9 qualifying beating them once and drawing the return game (2-0 and 2-2). Halfassed final day victory over Anteaus Rising helped the Nikeans make it to the finals.

All in all - there should be a few good matches in the Royal Burrington Stadium ORD we would advise you to get hold of all the tickets you can and get there!!

To aid RPing, Group A plays in the Giant Zucchini National Stadium, Group B plays in the Giant Zucchini Indoor Stadium, Group C plays in the Antediluvian Stadium, and Group D plays in the Prowler Stadium. Details will be updated on the old post by ORD as soon as possible.

ASNN - Squad opens Qulifiers with a Loss to Dark Outcasts

The TLC stars opened today with a tough loss against the Dark Outcasts, but the team played remarkably better than it has the last couple of games. The midfield played a ferocious game, keeping the ball away from the Stars half of the pitch, defending madly against the rushesof Outcast forwards. Unfortunately, the Outcast defense managed to completely swarm over Star forwards, leaving us with only 14 minutes of position in the Oucasts half. 14 minutes through the tough conflict, Quentin McKeehan leveled a blast from the 18 yardline through the Outcast goalie. Unfortunately, the control our players exhibited in the first half quickly deteriorated, and the Outcasts scored two quick goals after the beginning of the second half. Manager Lord Mackingtosh complemeted his team on their fine play after the game. "Our team was split and fractured after our loss to the Scandianavian Belmores. Now look at it, we are managing to challenge on of soccers finest teams. I will not take any credit, the players came together for this match. No matter what this outcome, our country should be proud of the display we put on here at this tournament. No matter the result."

TLC Stars 1 - 2 Dark Outcasts
Quentin McKeehan (14)

HSMG Newsflash:

This just in - operating on a tip-off from an undisclosed source, Halfassedstates Police aided by some of the nations special service forces raided a number of premises in downtown Getoverit* to-day
There have been an undisclosed number of arrests and in a hastily arranged press conference, Police chief, Sir Bob Nabum stated,
"Acting on a tip-off, we raided premises and have made over 10 arrests so far. A number of documents and printing devices have also been seized. The arrested persons have been taken to a safe location for questioning. That is all, Thank-you"

It is belived that the items recovered included various forged papers and passports linked to the Alan Belmore furor of recent weeks, there were also forged passports of various Nations discovered. Spaamian, Kingsfordi, Halfassed, Gilmeecian documents were reportedly confiscated, some of very good quality. How many of these, if any, have already been 'issued' is anyones guess, although the Alan Belmore identity link suggests this is a newish organisation.



edit: forgot to add *Getoverit is Halfassed's 3rd city



OCC: There ya go - TBF, Spaam -
Develop away - I'll help as much as i can before i head off for the holidays

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG
TBF triumph over World Champions!!!

TBF have produced probaly one of our best performances ever. We have gained an outstanding 2-1 over Europa Brittania down to the undoubted skill of Alan Belmore.

It was Europa Brittania who scored first when Dunner tripped over <player 10> inside the box. It was then <player 9>'s jobs to place the ball over the keepers diving body which he did. But Wellden stuck back just before half-time when he collected a mistimed punch from the goalkeeper with a powerful header. The teams were very evenly matched throught the second half with very few chances going to either team but superstar Alan Belmore scored the winner after 87 minutes from a direct free kick that swung diligently into the top right hand corner of the goal sending the TBF fans wild.

This match really showed how TBF have come on since their lowly 2-0 loss back in November to this side

FINAL SCORE
THE BELMORE FAMILY 2
EUROPA BRITTANIA 1

http://football.kulichki.net/france/france98/Scotland_Morocco.jpg
Laurence Wellden takiling <number 4> to score the first goal.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam fumbles first match
Giant Zucchini splits open the Wonderteam defense

By Bill Christmas

GIANT ZUCCHINI (BT) -- The scene, Giant Zucchini National Stadium. The match, Oglethorpia vs. Giant Zucchini. Things opened up quickly, the 5th ranked Wonderteam seeming to be ready to put on their powerful offense displayed through qualifying -- but soon, fans would see that it was not to be. A strong defense on Giant Zucchini's 7th ranked side led by Aargh kept out several Wonderteam offensive runs, keeping the score 0-0 till the half.

"Our offense isn't working," coach Picciotto said during halftime. "Defense is the only thing that is keeping us in this game."

Later on, the Wonderteam would no longer be in the game.

It started in the 47th minute, when team captain and acclaimed Giant Zucchini striker Urk was passed the ball at midfield; weaving a line right to the goal and putting one in the back of the net clean out of keeper Yamamoto'san's grasp.

"I've never seen a shot like it," commented Ken'Ichi Yamamoto after the match.

No offensive calls were working on the Wonderteam side either. "It wasn't till the end of the game that I figured out Torrence was talking about player names, and not just grunting sounds. I mean, "Aaargh?" Or "Humm?" I just thought Torrence was coughing, or something. Not calling out defenders," said a very confused Wonderteam forward Jorge White.

The Giant Zucchini 4-4-2 would once again strike deep into the Oglethorpian backfield, this time Phoot finishing Urk's cross from midfield into the goal in the 67th minute. Phoot celebrated, while the Wonderteam attempted to collect itself -- after having preformed so well in the qualifying stages, and now being 2 down against the co-hosts.

Urk would seal the fate of the Oglethorpian Wonderteam in the 82nd with his second goal, a magnificent curve around Ken'Ichi Yamamoto. Full time saw the Oglethorpian's 3-nil loss to Giant Zucchini.

"We didn't play good defense," commented team captain Fernando Green. "Their 4-4-2 kept us out, and they've got two world class strikers scoring their goals."

With the loss against Giant Zucchini, more pressure has now been put on the Oglethorpian squad to advance to the second round. "Now, we've got to try to make two wins out of our next to games to put ourselves in good position to advance," said coach Guy Picciotto. "With any luck, we'll be able to pull it off."

The Wonderteam faces Sqournshelous next, ranked 12th in the world. "7th or 12th, Sqournshelous is still a tough team," said midfielder Floyd Black. "We've got to preform these next two games, or be eliminated."

"That sucks," said an avid Wonderteam fan. "I sure hope they'll be able to win the next few games."

Indeed.

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 0
Giant Zucchini - 3 (Urk 47th, 82nd, Phoot 67th)

TBF - PLEASE REDUCE THE
SIZE OF YOUR "BANNER"

Some of us are still living in the dark ages with teeny-tiny monitors, and it's a real pain in the ___ to have to keep scrolling right, scrolling left, scrolling right, scrolling left...ad infinitum

If everyone would please keep that in mind, it would have a positive effect on an old man's blood pressure.

...thank you...

TBF - PLEASE REDUCE THE
SIZE OF YOUR "BANNER"

Some of us are still living in the dark ages with teeny-tiny monitors, and it's a real pain in the ___ to have to keep scrolling right, scrolling left, scrolling right, scrolling left...ad infinitum

If everyone would please keep that in mind, it would have a positive effect on an old man's blood pressure.

...thank you...
happy now.....

TBF - PLEASE REDUCE THE
SIZE OF YOUR "BANNER"

Some of us are still living in the dark ages with teeny-tiny monitors, and it's a real pain in the ___ to have to keep scrolling right, scrolling left, scrolling right, scrolling left...ad infinitum

If everyone would please keep that in mind, it would have a positive effect on an old man's blood pressure.

...thank you...
happy now.....
yes, i am, thank you

Nominate your Sports Personality of the Year (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=105214)

From the desk of Ufhur the Hated, Minister for Sport, Empire of Warnocks Wizards

Dear World Cup Committee Members:

Please consider the co-hosting bid of Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards for World Cup 11. The merits of TnUI's involvement will be familiar to you as he has prior hosting experience. Our friends TnUI have also been slaving away, creating a new spreadsheet for the World Cup. As you are no doubt aware of the strengths of a TnUI bid, this short note will focus on what our Enlightened Empire brings to the World Cup.

By choosing WW, you would be signifying the importance in spreading peace through football, a personal crusade of ours. WW would be the first nation from Middle Earth to ever host the tournament, so choosing us insures that a new region will experience the joys of hosting the world through football.

One doesn't like to toot one's own trombone, but WW brings strong RPing skills and prior experience to hosting a football tournament. WW hosted the second Cup of Harmony, and to give you some idea of what we might bring to hosting the world cup, please see the Cup of Harmony Thread (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=92216).

We have also been laying the foundations for a story arc for WC11 that will hopefully amuse and entertain the World Cup community at large.

WW will be an equal partner to TnUI and will assist in generating scores, drawing up groups, tabulating tables, and addressing any controversy that may arise during the tournament.

Finally, choosing a WW bid will insure that the Red and White Wizards qualify for the World Cup for the first time ever. The nation has failed to qualify by the narrowest margins, cruelly falling at the final matchday in the last two World Cup qualifying campaigns. Voting for a WW bid will allow the wacky wizards to finally compete on the world stage.

In short, please consider the co-hosting bid of Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards. Thank you for your time,

Ufhur the Hated

Gesamtkuntswerk v. Ariddia

Terry Singh (commentator) : “You’re joining us live from Giant Zucchini, where Ariddia has to tackle Gesumtank. . . Gesamunk. . .”

Kim Kim (commentator): “Gesamtkuntswerk. Gesamt-kunts-werk. We practised, remember?”

Singh: “Dankeschön. As I was saying, Ariddia has to play. . . our Germanic friends before being faced with two of the top five teams in the world. Liverpool England and Bedistan. It couldn’t get much harder than this, could it?”

Kim: “Probably not. You have to remember Gesamtkuntswerk are an impressive team too, ranked eleventh. On paper this is anything but an easy match. . . it’s just the least impossible.”

Singh: “But who cares about prognostics? Let’s see who’ll be on the team today.”


GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20), Rod Schwarzwald (13), Sofia Borg (17)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Jules Andes (19), Luke Wu (15), Karim Li (18 )
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Tiffany Edge (23)


15th minute :
Kim : “We’re quarter of an hour into the game, but not much is happening. It seems both sides are unwilling to take too many risks. Which is understandable, since conceding a goal would be pretty catastrophic, but still. . .”

Singh: “Wait, Gesamtkuntswerk are on he move! They’re playing a constructive press forwards, short passes, making sure they keep possession. Borg manages to pinch it. . . But a Gesamtkuntswerk player was in the way, and takes it back. Wahd intervenes. . . can only kick it off the field.”

Kim: “Played back in, very close to Ariddia’s end of the field. More passes. . . And a shot! Blocked and controlled by al-Jibai.”

Singh: “Ariddia is going for a counter-attack here! Schwarzwald weeds through the net of attackers, passes to Khan. He knows he can’t outrun them. He’s fit, but they’re all younger. . . He passes to Edge. . . Edge to Li. . . Li to Clair. . . This time it’s Ariddia who are keeping possession. Clair shoots! The goalkeeper blocks it but fumbles, looses it. . . Wu is right there, kicks again. . . I don’t believe it! The keeper has managed to clear it with the tip of his foot, and a defender has taken it out of the danger zone. My oh my. . .”

Kim: “Yes, that all went very fast, but it was intense, and a great opportunity for Ariddia. But the Gesamtkuntswerk keeper defended superbly.”


32nd minute:
Singh: “Nice to see the team waking up. . . Corner kick played by Andes. . . Deflected by defence. They rush it back towards Ariddia’s side. . . Wahd is in the way! He intercepts it. . . Passes to Edge.”

Kim: “She moves back up. . . She’s lost it. It’s a long kick down. . . Gesamtkuntswerk back on the attack, pass it around. . . Shoot! Saved by al-Jibai, who kicks it out to Khan. Khan to Andes. Andes to Clair. Clair in a difficult position here. . . wriggles out of it! Clair to Li. Li shoots! It’s in! It’s a goal!”

Singh: “And that’s Karim Li’s first goal for Ariddia in this competition! It couldn’t have come at a better time. Ariddia now in the lead!”

Kim: “Gesamtkuntswerk are going to have to press harder. And they do! Borg can’t contain them, they’re past Sylvain. . . Schwarzwald intercepts, but it goes straight to a Gesamtkuntswerk attacker. He passes. . . Shot and. . . goal!”

Singh: “Well, we didn’t keep our lead long. . .”


92nd minute:
Kim: “A draw. Realistically, it’s a good result. It just might not be enough to pull the team through, though.”

Singh: “If they can only draw against Gesamtkuntswerk, a victory against Bedistan is going to be hellishly hard to pull off. Then again, it’s the effort that counts.”

Kim: “Join us to cheer them on next time! That’s all from us tonight. G’night!”


FINAL SCORE
Gesamtkuntswerk – Ariddia: 1-1
Ariddian goal: Li (35th)

Finally, choosing a WW bid will insure that the Red and White Wizards qualify for the World Cup for the first time ever. The nation has failed to qualify by the narrowest margins, cruelly falling at the final matchday in the last two World Cup qualifying campaigns. Voting for a WW bid will allow the wacky wizards to finally compete on the world stage.
So the WCC should vote for you because you aren't good enough to qualify? ;) (j/k)

Finally, choosing a WW bid will insure that the Red and White Wizards qualify for the World Cup for the first time ever. The nation has failed to qualify by the narrowest margins, cruelly falling at the final matchday in the last two World Cup qualifying campaigns. Voting for a WW bid will allow the wacky wizards to finally compete on the world stage.
So the WCC should vote for you because you aren't good enough to qualify? ;) (j/k)

Yes, indeed. :)
And that comment was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

WW

*channel one's logo spins around in the middle of the tv screen, and a well-spoken lady introduces a live broadcast of Lemmitania Vs. Audioslavia.*

*the screen turns black, Muse's "Apocalypse Please" fades into the background, it's marching sounds complemented by flashing images on the screen of One Red Dottian scenery, Giant Zuccinian scenery, picutres of the World Cup trophy itself, and pictures of the world cup stadiums.

the song kicks in, and footage of Audioslavia, Lemmitania, Commerce Heights and Total 'n Utter Insanity's football sides play. We see 'old-school' footage of Lemmy, TnUI and the 'slaves games in World Cups 3 to 7, alongside newer footage of the four sides.

The music fades out and Metallica's 'Sanitarium' kicks in, amidst famous footage of TnUI's side (Sanitarium... Insanity.... geddit?). That music fades out, and Motorhead's 'Ace Of Spades' plays alongside pictures of Lemmitanian football (Motorhead's singer is called 'Lemmy'... geddit?). Commerce Height's players now grace the screen, amidst backing music by the proclaimers (random), before Audioslavia's national anthem, 'Bulls On Parade' kicks in, and Red and Green shirts dance around the screen.

The final 'DADum, DAT-DADum's of the song are coupled with flashes of the four sides, all in arty black and white, with the players sporting even more arty apprehensive looks. The music stops, and a heart-beat sound accompanies random flashes of the logos of the four sides, and finally, a big X fills the screen. World Cup X is upon us....*

Jeremy: Hey, im Jeremy Jaffacake for Channel One Sport, and were bringing you live pictures from One Red Dot's Hyperstadium, for Lemmitania Vs Audioslavia: Take Four.

*Jeremy introduces clips of the last three matches between the 'slaves and the lemmings.*

Jeremy: As you can see, weve been beaten twice by the lemmings, with the other match being a draw. Lets hope we can finally beat the bastards tonight. With me in the studio is ex-Audioslavian striker Zacheria De La Rocha. Zack, how are you feeling.

Zack: angry

Jeremy: well of course, but how do you feel about the game? nervous? excited? apprehensive?

Zack: all of them at once, which generally makes me.... angry

Jeremy: ok Zack..... tell me, what do you remember of your two games against Lemmitania?

Zack: i remember in the first one they beat us, and i was really angry, and then we played them again and i got really angry before they beat us, so i kicked someone and got sent off

Jeremy: as i recall, you cost us the match...

Zack: ......................what did you just say

Jeremy: umm... umm.. i just.. recalled that... you lost your hatch... you know... your big hair...

Zack: oh.. yeah, yeah i thought i'd get a bubble perm. does it suit me? *Zack gives Jeremy one of 'those' looks*

Jeremy: .....yes...... so anyway, now to our commentators, Foghorn Leghorn and Bill Hicks (gotta love the randomness).

Foghorn: well i say, well i say those guys are-a-comin on that there field

Bill: Goatboy likes that field...

Foghorn: i say.. i say i dont like this randy pan thing you got goin there buddy

Bill: heh, hellyeah shut up goatboy, you shaggy, smelly thing..

Foghorn: i said STOP IT boy!

ooc: sorry, i have absoloutely no idea how to do a commentary with Foghorn Leghorn and Bill Hicks as commentators, i'll do it some other time... anyway... heres a random article from the next days paper:

LEMMINGS BEAT SLAVES
floppy-haired hippies do it again

'AUDIOSLAVIA 1 - 2 LEMMITANIA' goes into the record books for the third time in history today, as the 'slaves again failed to exorsize their demons.

In front of a packed house in ORD's Hyperstadium, the 'slaves, as they usually do in 'slave-lemming matches, took the lead through Wayne Bury. The striker took advantage of a loose ball in the penalty area to finish past the stranded Lemmitanian keeper.

As usual, Lemmitania went into the break 1-0 down against the 'slaves. As usual, they would go into the tunnel at the final whistle having turned the lead around.

Their equaliser came in the 50th minute, an unidentified player (probably going by the name 'Lem<something>ton' was felled outside the box by Lee Branson, who was promply yellow-carded. The free-kick was quickly crossed into the box, where another Lem headed it in at the far post.

The winner came in the 80th minute after some good pressure by both sides. Lemmitania gained possesion and built up their play slowly, culminating eventually, after a good ten minutes, with a through-ball and a goal by some dude.

Audioslavia put the Lemmings under relentless pressure in the final minutes, with Bury hitting the bar and Willow forcing two good saves from the goalkeeper. The match however, ended 2-1.

[code:1:d71d4dbadb]

Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Lemmitania 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Commerce Heights 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Audioslavia 1 0 0 1 1 2 +1 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1 0 0 1 0 1 +1 0
[/code:1:d71d4dbadb]

In the other match, TnUI were beaten 1-0 by Commerce Heights. This means that the winner of the Lemmy-CH match goes through, and the loser of the TnUI-'slave match will almost definitely go out.

The TnUI-Audioslavia match IS the most anticipated match the 'slaves have ever played, even more so then their second-round matches with Lemmitania and Errinundera (both of which resulted in us being beaten :/). TnUI arent the side they used to be, whereas Audioslavia are probably the best side theyre ever gonna be.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake (again), g'nite bitches.

*Audioslavia's president is reading the newspaper's report of the problems with the Audioslavia - Total 'n Utter Insanity game.*

President: jeff.... what DEFCON stage are we on?

Jeff: umm, were currently set to 'Blue Alert'.

President: ok... step up to 'Red Alert'.

Jeff: are you absoloutely sure sir, it does mean changing the bulb...

Tranquillitis Nyheter
Tjänande Anden sedan den är 1955

Supercup Almost Set to Begin
-Erik Åkerfeldt

ERIKSBERG - With the qualifying rounds now over, the Supercup is almost set to begin.

"We've received confirmations from New Montreal States, Cockbill Street, Spaam (a united Spaam no less), Warnocks Wizards, Rejistania, Evisceratomatoes, as well as Brazillico who have expressed interest in joining," TFF President Markus Gustafsson said. "Timway hasn't responded, and Big Butts has said it's unlikely that he'll make it. The Moose might have to drag out their football boots, but I don't know how good they'll be."

With a lot of quality sides qualifying, the pickings have been slim for Supercup organizers. Gustafsson wants to get things underway as soon as possible. "If Timway hasn't responded by tomorrow, the Moose will be added in, basically as a whipping boy of the group."

Look for an announcement later today.

(OOC: Basically, just means that if Timway doesn't respond to my TG by later today (probably 5pm Central (GMT -6), 6pm Eastern), I'll get the thread going, with the Moose and Brazillico being ranked 5-10 ranks below the lowest ranked team in the competition [undecided as of yet]).

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Defeat Total n Utter Insanity, Hold Hope For Second Round, WC11 Hosting
HYDER, ONE RED DOT - The Bulldogs brought tens of thousands of fans with them to the most technologically advanced stadium in One Red Dot, Hyder Stadium. While an extra admission charge of §25 for CupPass ticket holders was charged due to the increased ticket prices, most felt that it was well worth watching the Bulldogs play in the stadium. The game remained scoreless for much of the first half, but Cahalane eventually put a goal on the high-tech LCD scoreboard in the 44th minute. DeGraffenreid and M. McCormick were subbed in as extra defenders at the expense of the midfield, and the defense would not allow the Insaniacans to score any goals.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Cahalane 44)
(29) Total n Utter Insanity 0 - FT
With Lemmitania's 2-1 defeat of Audioslavia, the group now stands as follows:
[code:1:0b29d58d19]Group H-Hyder, ORD P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania (8) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Commerce Heights (23) 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Audioslavia (18) 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0[/code:1:0b29d58d19]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 19: vs #29 Total n Utter Insanity – W 1-0
Day 20: vs #8 Lemmitania
Day 21: vs #18 Audioslavia
Statistics - Team
[code:1:0b29d58d19] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 57 10 13 17 17
Wins 31 3 6 10 12
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 17 4 3 6 4
Avg. Opp. Rank 74.0 62.6 81.7 69.3 79.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +24 -3 +5 +6 +16
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:0b29d58d19]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:0b29d58d19]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 17 8 0.47
C. Deppiesse 17 8 0.47
J. Cahalane 17 5 0.29
K. Decker 17 4 0.24
K. DeGraffenreid^ 6 1 0.17
F. Wallace 17 2 0.12
H. Hufschmidt 17 1 0.06
^indicates backup

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 17 13 0.76

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 57 28 0.49
C. Deppiesse..** 34 13 0.38
J. Cahalane**** 56 15 0.27
K. Decker**** 57 15 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
K. DeGraffenreid...^ 6 1 0.17
M. McCormick.^^^ 12 2 0.17
F. Wallace^^** 35 6 0.17
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
H. Hufschmidt...* 17 1 0.06
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 56 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 50 57 1.14
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:0b29d58d19]
In other news today, Bedistan prevented their third loss of their series with Liverpool England in a 0-0 draw and Aquilla defeated Antaeus Rising 3-1.

From the Kangaroo:

A LOSING BATTLE AS RAVENSPIRE EDGE PROGRESSANS AGAIN

Kaze Progressa once again opened their World Cup campaign with a defeat to the powerful Ravenspire force that reached the final on home soil last time around, but refused utterly to cave in, eventually edged out 3-2.

The Progressans, who were beaten 3-1 by the same opposition in their first ever World Cup finals match, played eight of the same players involved in that match, with Hytaffi, Lainwiay and Mawukal the newcomers to facing the Ravenspire legends.

The match opened, as did the previous meeting, with waves of Progressan attacks. Within six minutes, Faiwe Irafma had forced a spectacular diving save out of Autumn Mistmarch from his pot-shot from 25 yards after Ekazen Waulino had his shot blocked by Anthony Jeffers. Waulino himself had a shot graze the outside of the post four minutes later, and Lainwiay hit the top of the bar with an attempted lob of Mistmarch on thirteen minutes. The Progressans, packing their midfield against the Ravenspire 4-2-4 formation, were utterly dominant.

But while superior tactics can sometimes help defeat superior teams, it doesn't always work. Besides, the 4-2-4 as Ravenspire play it is highly flexible, with the forwards frequently willing to drop back to help out in midfield. Once the Ravenspire defence got a grip on the game, this attacking force easily exposed the three-man Progressan defence, taking the lead on 24 minutes when Eileen Schiller's powerful run past the aging Jaruna Jaff along the left wing opened up a cross. With four black and crimson shirts in the Progressan box it was no surprise that Palera was caught out of position as Amara Akizuki rose above Maurto to open the scoring.

But while the Ravens were breaking down the Progressan defence, the Progressans maintained a possession advantage, and this finally told late in the first half. The midfield poured forward, and the reward was a 42nd-minute equaliser from the surprise source of Aqizen Muqlin. The tall, thin midfielder easily rose above Mistmarch to nod home from a Jaff corner.

The second half was, if anything, even more attack-minded - Fayu Owa having come on for Huqi Vaiwalo-Mua. Owa's usual circus show opened up space before him as Ravens defenders focused on more predictable players, particularly Irafma. The Ravens absorbed the pressure well, helped by a succession of Autumn Mistmarch saves, but while everyone in the ground anticipated another goal, nobody seemed to know where it would come from.

As it transpired, it was a Ravenspire counter-attack on the hour. Alex Wylde's desperate clearance found Schiller, who once again beat Jaff before a piercing through-ball found Hikari Kitsu, who coolly slotted the ball inside the far post despite Progressan claims for offside. TV replays showed that Kitsu was level with Eauam MacKazie and hence onside.

The determined Progressans struck back almost immediately. Owa was fiercely tackled by Fox Lee as he executed a 360-degree spin to beat her while displaying what some argued to be a flirtatious look, though TV replays were inconclusive. They did prove that Lee's boots slammed into Owa's ankle, causing a minor knock, a short delay for the inevitable magic sponge, and a red card for Lee. Irafma's free-kick curled around the wall, dipped almost the right amount, slammed against the bar and off the hand of Anthony Jeffers. Irafma slammed the resulting penalty into the top corner of the net and the Progressans were level again, and sensing their greatest moment since defeating Liverpool England in World Cup 9 qualification.

Playing like men possessed, the Progressans totally outplayed the Ravens in the final twenty minutes. Owa was the puppetmaster pulling the strings, and Irafma looked to have provided the final touch when his fierce shot from an Owa through ball rebounded off the crossbar and the rear end of Mistmarch. The goal was disallowed for an offside call that was frankly marginal - perhaps correct, but marginal.

Then, in the 88th minute, the Progressans were even more painfully unlucky; Irafma hit the bar, Waulino the post and Owa the bar in a mad scramble, cleared by Jeffers. Schiller, the one player consistently too good for the Progressans, volleyed it directly into the path of David Spencer, who outpaced MacKazie before curling the ball beyond Palera.

Four agonising minutes of injury time passed by, with the Ravens determinedly holding out. The final whistle blew, and the Progressans trudged off the field in dispair. The miracle had eluded them.

But there is still plenty of hope. With One Red Dot only defeating The Weegies 2-1 in the evening game, the Progressans will almost certainly only need a draw against the co-hosts if - as expected - they defeat The Weegies and Ravenspire defeat the Dottians.

Manager Turilan Buradol said after the match the Progressans 'deserved something out of the game.'

'We were highly, highly unlucky with the offside decision - I'm not sure if it was wrong or right, and I'm not going to blindly argue one way or the other in case I get slated for being biased, but it did look a bit dodgy. Though in fairness to the ref, he was bang on with the red card.

As for that final goal, what can I say? We needed to play this one where gravity is stronger. Not only would we have had one of those shots off the bar go in, but the Ravens would have been less able to deliver those long balls over our packed midfield. We knew we were going to be counter-attacked, it's the Ravenspire way and they do it better than anyone, so we packed our midfield and tried to pass our way to victory. Ultimately, it was a clash of styles, and the two cancelled out, each team having their moments, and it turned out they were just about the better team.

But I can't complain too loudly - we've pushed one of the best teams in the world, finalists of the last World Cup, ranked third in the world, right to the final whistle, and we've made a big impression on the Cup already.'

(OOC: Sorry about the length, I'm in a rush here and don't know when I can get a better one up)

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

First Day Loss for Pandas
Fall to Svecia 1-0
by Markenin Markenel

BURRINGTON, ONE RED DOT(NP) - The Pandas shut out streak was ended at 6 matches, as they were shut out themselves by miracle qualifier Svecia.

An early goal by the Svecians broke the Pandas collective back as the offence just couldn't get going. The Pandas hope that this match is not a sign, as they still hope to score their first goal and point, having been unsuccessful in both tasks in four Cup matches in the Pandas' short World Cup history. The task doesn't get any easier, as the next match is tomorrow with the familiar Halfassedstates, whom the Pandas met in World Cup IX qualifying. The Halfassed team defeated the Pandas 2-0 in the first meeting, and drew 2-2 in the second.

[code:1:68b9c3a2b8]
Svecia 1 (<player> 7)
v.
Nikea 0
[/code:1:68b9c3a2b8]

KM: ...who are preparing for the next World Cup of field hockey. And speaking of World Cups, international football's biggest competition kicked off today as the Ravens faced Kaze Progressa. Here with commentary is Michael Black. Mike?

MB: Thank you, Kath. Kaze Progressa, a relative newcomer to the international football scene, has seen a fast rise thanks to its combination of solid defense and aggressive offense, and that led to a fast-paced, high-tension match today -- rather like the final qualifiers' disappointing game against Audioslavia was supposed to be. Kaze Progressa began the attacks right out the gate. Onscreen, you'll see a point only six minutes into the match that almost resulted in a Progressan goal.

KM: It seems the Ravens' defense has been a bit lax this year.

MB: It may look that way, Kath, but I think the reason for that is that the boys and girls have been facing stiffer competition. There are more teams in each qualifying group than there used to be, and that means more high-rated sides to face. In the Cup proper, of course, all of the competition is top-level. The game's really improved since the Ravens entered the international arena over three decades ago.

KM: Now we're seeing Progressan striker Ekazen Waulino at ten minutes... a bit too much spin on that ball, perhaps, it's just the wrong side of the post. This sort of thing was happening to the Progressans all day, and it really underscores just how close this match was.

MB: They kept the pressure on throughout. Our analysis shows a 64% possession rate by the Progressans.

KM: But the Ravens took the first goal, with Amara Akizuki planting the ball high in the net.

MB: The key was to get past the Progressans' powerful midfield, Kath. That's not easy, but once it's done, with only three men on defense against four Ravens strikers on the assault, it opened up a lot of possibilities for scoring. The Progressans couldn't cover. Still, a very good tactic, one I don't believe we've seen tried against the Ravens in the past, and you can bet Sui-Ling is busy trying to work out a better way to beat it, because it was mostly a matter of chance.

KM: Indeed. The half ended at 1-all, with a late goal by a Progressan midfielder eluding keeper Autumn Mistmarch. The second half brought an even more furious attack. Onscreen, here's a bad moment for the Ravens, as defender Fox Lee receives a red card for an overly-aggressive tackle attempt against Fayu Owa. Owa, thankfully, was not seriously injured.

MB: The penalty converted, bringing the score to 2-all at that point, and the Progressans nearly scored a third just minutes later in yet another controversial moment for the match. There's Faiwe Irafma's shot... it's off the bar, off Mistmarch, and in. But it's ruled offside. Now, looking at the freeze-frame, that call appears to be correct -- take note of Alex Wylde's position--

KM: It's not exactly obvious, though, is it?

MB: Exactly, Kath; the call could have easily gone the other way. As it turns out, the Progressans wouldn't put another ball into the net, but certainly not for lack of trying. I don't think the Ravens have seen this concerted an attacking effort since the last World Cup.

KM: Onscreen is the final goal of the match, at almost the literal last minute... Schiller--

MB: Whose play was absolutely brilliant today, and saved the match.

KM: --gets a clear pass to David Spencer, who's been in a bit of a slump this year. But he redeems himself and answers those who were questioning his inclusion on the team with that quick dash and that curving shot from the side of the pitch.

MB: And after four minutes of injury time, and two more denied attempts by the Progressans, the final score recorded was 3-2. This marks the second time Progressans have been in the Cup, and the second time the Ravens have defeated them; the last was a 3-1 victory, so the margin is narrowing. This will definitely be a side to watch out for next year, particularly if striker Amara Akizuki retires.

KM: Elsewhere in the group, co-hosts One Red Dot defeated the surging Weegies.

MB: The Weegies did well to make it this far, and they shouldn't be underestimated, but I think the competition in this group will prove too much for them this year, Kath. Let's take a look.

[code:1:292ab021ec]
Ravenspire (3)
Kaze Progressa (26)
One Red Dot (29)
The Weegies (50)
[/code:1:292ab021ec]

MB: Onscreen we have the group bracket for the first round. On paper, it looks as though it should be a relatively easy one for Ravenspire, which is ranked over twenty places higher than the next side. But that side happens to be Kaze Progressa, and you can see from today's match that rankings don't necessarily count for much. At this phase, I think we can expect tough matches from every single opponent.

KM: Next are co-hosts One Red Dot. The Ravens haven't faced this side for quite a few years, and they'll be on the Dots' home ground. We saw last year how the home-field advantage worked for the black and crimson, so they'll have to play hard if they want a second victory. And they'll need that in order to ensure qualification.

MB: And finally, The Weegies, who at 50th are this year's Kaze Progressa: a team apparently underrated who have improved greatly to take a qualifying spot. They may have lost to the hosts, but it wouldn't do to underestimate their skill or their drive to win

KM: RNN will be carrying the Ravenspire-One Red Dot match live; you can also catch replays of the match on RSN, or visit us in the Virtual at the address you see on your screen. Until next time, I'm Kathryn Malley...

MB: And I'm Michael Black...

KM: ...for RNN.

*test pattern*

Nothing to see here, move along, nothing, tra-la-la...

actual transcript from Audioslavia's sports newspaper:

ONE-NIL
ONE-NIL
(to the tune of that famous English crowd chant 'One-Nil':

ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIIILLL!
ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL! ONE-NIL!


(to the tune of 'One-Nil to the Arsenal')

ONE NIILLLL TO THE 'SLAVIA
ONE NIIILLL TO THE SLAVIA
ONE NILLLL TO THE SLAVIA
ONE NIIIL, TO THE SLAVIAAAAAA


(to the tune of Fat Les's 'Vindaloo')
WWWEERREEE GONNAA SSCCOORREEEE ONNEEE MOOORREEE THHAANNN T-N-U!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Score:
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 32)
Total 'n Utter Insanity 0

[code:1:7fc235faa7]
Group H P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Lemmitania (8) 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 4
Commerce Heights (23) 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
Audioslavia (18) 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 2 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0 Eli
[/code:1:7fc235faa7]

This ONE-NIL! win puts Audioslavia 3rd in the table going into the final game. A win over Commerce Heights will put the 'slaves through.

Seeing as CH are statistically as good as Svecia, who were beat home and away by Audioslavia, the 'slaves are confident going into the game.

Should Audioslavia draw, they could still mathematically go through, should Lemmitania lose by two goals.

The match with Commerce Heights, although not containing any notable rivalry, is going to be nail-biting, and very, very good. The scene is set: CH the rising hopefuls playing in one of their first world cups, with their flamboyant attacking play and youthful arrogance... against Audioslavia, the experienced 'old school' team, playing in their sixth world cup, with their staunch defensive play.

Can Audioslavia get to the second round of a world cup again? 12 years after their last berth in the knockout stages? Will the police ever find out what happened to the 45 TnUIans and the 52 Audioslavians who mysteriously dissapeared outside the TnUI-Audioslavia match (WHICH ENDED ONE-NIL?)

find out on channel one, in a few days.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake. G'nite bitches. One-Nil.

dopplep0sht!

tropledp0sht!

CH the rising hopefuls playing in one of their first world cups, with their flamboyant attacking play and youthful arrogance...
4th time we've participated. 3rd time we've qualified. :roll:

*****ASPN SPECIAL WORLD CUP 10 REPORT*****

*we open on a collage of football in motion – various clips of terrific tackles, spectacular shots, stupendous saves, harrowing headers, and gorgeous goals – all seen through a transparent world cup 10 logo that is slowly turning opaque. the sound track is that pathetic aspn sports theme, that is not appropriate to sports, and sounds more like elevator muzak. a few seconds after the wcx logo becomes completely opaque, we segue to the aspn sports desk. behind it sits our intrepid reporter – and behind him, on the wall, is a snub nose 38 hooligans jersey side by side with a runaway moose alces rex jersey – and a dark outcasts jersey. the horrible muzak finally fades out*

Today we’re going to cover the second of three round one matches which pitted the Snub Nose 38 national side, the Hooligans, against Dark Outcasts. But first, we have some new footage of the controversial call in the Hooligans first match against Alces Rex of Runaway Moose that we’re going to share with you.

You’ll remember the match with Runaway Moose started out with both sides having about the same share of the ball. The Hooligans had only two forwards on the pitch instead of their usual three, and had added a defender for four at the back. Alces Rex came out in their usual formation. Although play was skillful and interesting, there was no score until the 37th minute, when Nif rifled a shot from 35 yards out that had so much behind it that even though Pancake got a hand to it, he couldn’t stop it. In fact, Pancake had to be replaced in the second half by Crepe due to what appeared to be “rope burn” on his left hand. One nothing Alces Rex, and that’s how the half ended.

And, of course, the Hooligan Cheerleaders came out and “cheered” a rather lame cheer – something about “Runaway, Moose – or the Hooligans’ll getcha”. The President of the Giant Zucchini Football Association was on hand to throw out the first tomato, which he did with zest. Lemon zest. Hit one right in the left shoulder, he did.

But, back to the controversy. In the second half it looked like Runaway Moose was running away with it, until the 87th minute. Now, here’s the tape. We’ll run it slowly, and stop it every so often so you can see exactly what appears to happen.

Here the Alces Rex defense. Okay, now here comes the Hooligans attack. Nice pass, another – almost cut off – and then Malicious takes a poke at it from 24 yards out. Here it seems to be heading straight for the net – the keeper was leaning the wrong way, doesn’t have any chance for the save. Stop! This is where Liz comes into the picture. Okay, now watch as Liz jumps up to head the ball. See, right there her team mate, also trying to get a head on it, bumps Liz slightly. Liz rises to the ball, but at a slight angle. Here! The ball misses her head, and gets stuck in her *antlers. She doesn’t realize it, and looks around for the ball. Here’s where the two Hooligan strikers and one midfielder realize where the ball is. They charge Liz. Liz see’s ‘em coming, and doesn’t know why. Two of her teammates run towards her – to help, we think. Liz looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and bolts like a … (we apologize. we really do. this is just too easy. but, we can’t resist)…runaway moose.

The Hooligans chase Liz. The Runaway Meese…er, Moose – chase the Hooligans. The referee chases ‘em all, blowing his whistle. Look, there you can see the side judge, rolling on the ground and laughing like a maniac. He was fined after the match. Now here’s were Ben Dover runs on to the field. There goes the referee – still blowing his whistle. Here comes Berkett on to the pitch, chasing Ben Dover. The referee finally cuts off Liz and blows the whistle right in her face. Liz stops. The Hooligans stop. The Moose stop. Ben Dover does not stop, but runs up and starts shouting in the ref’s face.

Berkett catches up to Ben, grabs him by the shoulder, spins him around, and shouts.

- What in the bloody… what are ye doin’ on the pitch, man?!
- Keep yer hands to yerself. You, ref, that’s a hand ball and in the box, to boot! Where the heck…
- Waddaya mean, handball? That’s no handball. She never put a hand on it!
- Well, of course not ya boob! She can’t put a hand on it – she hasn’t got hands!
- Well then, dolt, how can i’ be a han’ ball when she has na hands?
- That’s not the point, you bellowing tub of lard. She stopped play, and is ‘holding’ the ball. She’s still holding the ball. Thats’ not legal! That’s an infraction!
- I’ll give ya an infraction! She did not handle the ball! How can you call it a hand ball if she did not handle the ball, lummox?!

At this point the two coaches were leaning into each other, and their screams became much less words and much more – well, just screams. The referee, as you can see, is beside them, and beside himself, and is blowing his whistle non stop. Here’s where he finally gets the red card out. Here’s where he sticks it right in Ben’s face. Here’s where Berkett starts laughing. Here’s where the ref sticks it right in Berkett’s face. Here’s where Ben starts screaming at the ref. Here’s where Berkett starts screaming at the ref. Here’s where both managers are hauled bodily off the pitch and out of the stadium by security.

Now the ref puts his red card away – and takes out his yellow. He shows that to Liz, and then starts running down the pitch toward the Runaway Moose net. And points to the penalty spot!

Here’s where Liz starts to object. Her team mates pull her away, and stuff what appears to be a large sock in her mouth.

Now, here’s that shot of the moment when Liz and the ball come together. Watch as she comes down. Appears to be right on the chalk line. Is she in the box? Or, is she outside the box? Of course, whatever any of us thinks, it’s moot – Knuckles took the penalty kick and put it just past the keeper, 1 – 1, and that’s how the match ended. We think the Runaway Moose Football Association may protest the match, but in the end that doesn’t matter either. A draw is how it goes in the books, and each side takes home one point.

After these important message, we’ll take a look at today’s match between the Hooligans and Dark Outcasts.

*yeah, yeah, we know – female moose don’t have antlers. tough – it doesn’t work without the antlers, and alces rex seems to be all femoose…er…well, you know.

*****ASPN SPORTS WILL RETURN IN A FEW MOMENTS*****

don’t touch that remote!

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF secure place in last 16 for 4th Time Running

TBF supporters went wild last night as TBF defeated lowly NASTIC 2 to progress into the second round of the most prestigious cup on earth. It was “Larry” Wellden who did the damage scoring 2 fabulous goals to take TBF clear at the top of their group.

Larry's first goal was one of the high quality we have come to expect from him now. Managing to stay onside he got the through ball leaving him one-on-one with the keeper needing only a sidestep round him to take the lead. The next goal was from the shear brilliance of Goshawk pulling off a flying cross while stumbaling from a violent hack by <player 8> of which Larry Wellden could boot into the back of the net with shear brilliance.

In other news TBF have been rejoicing in the news that TnUI has been kicked out by a fine team such as Audioslavia. So TDB has compiled a list of greatest nations ever....

1.Audioslavia
=Europa Brittania
=Ravenspire
=Oglethorpia
=Bedistan
=Lemmitania
=Tanah Burung
=Brazillico
=Kingsford
=Spaam
=Arridia
2.Everyone Else
(You can't blaim me for trying.....)

The Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms have shown for themselves an incredible season! Coming back from a poor beginning, the Sturms have secured third in their group, once again qualifying for the World Cup proper. Now they are one game away from elimination in the dreaded Group D, where, even this close to the Round of Sixteen, no team is a shoe-in. The Sturms themselves have combated teams ranked higher by far, and veterans from previous years. Only their renown blitzkrieg strikes into opponent territory kept the opposition from gaining victory. Twice have the Sturms tied, against veteran team Arridia and fellow Heartlander Liverpool England. Only this last match will determine whether the Sturms will have a chance to go all the way for the Cup. For GVN, I'm Mark Hamill.

World Champions Stutter, Hughes Vents Rage.

[OOC: I'm going to choose now to say this, basically whilst Im in a bad mood anyway. I am disappointed in you TBF, for choosing the methods you did to go about scoring two goals in your 2-1 win over me. First off, without asking me you forced my keeper into making an extremely uncharacteristic error which "gifted" you a goal. Thats a gripe, but my real moan is beating me in EIGHTY SEVEN minutes with an Uber-Beckham Curling free kick from your all time ten thousand goal scoring geriatric. Seriously though, the amount of late goals in games is getting silly. And Uberkicks should best be saved for something more spectacular than that, I'm not going to go on too much, as simply to go on to the report...]


Alistair Hughes, Head coach and the man who orchestrated the first Brittanian World Cup win in their history, is an angry man. Not only that, but he feels let down, and irritated by what he went through only a few short days ago.

The defending world champions went down 2-1 to eight ranked Belmore Family. A team they have never struggled to overcome previously. The match was a heated affair, with several Belmorian players being rather "overeager." More however was to come, and rather colourfully as Hughes said-

"Their [First] goal was an utter farce. Their centre forward was so far down Reeve's [Mark Reeves, Brittanian No. 1] throat he could read the label on his underwear. I've never seen a more ridiculous foul. That led to Mark not unexpectadly poorly punching the ball. It was a simple task to header it into a practically empty net. Now I've reviwed the footage, and the Referee does have an impeded view, but I don't know wether Linesman are regularly caught staring at the sky, or if it was simply a one-off case. What enrages me more is the ridiculous over-celebration of the Belmoran coaching staff even though they clearly saw the same as we did, and to then attempt to get Derek [Lionel, Striker] and Thom [Lomardi, Striker] Cautioned becuase they dared to discuss the foul with the referee is absolute madness. Be sure I WILL be placing a formal complaint. If nothing else, to remind that I have not and will not forget what I saw. I could go on regarding the ridiculous foul that was "given away" for their winning free kick, but I would merely be a "Sore loser." I look forward to the Oddslavo game now, if only to try and put some distance between us and that affair."

Unfortunatley for Alistair, the game proved no respite. A jarring 2-2 draw for the champions puts them in danger of going out. In addition to this, Belmoran newspapers have been accused of oversensationilism regarding their win. Pointing to numerous issues which continually refer to the game and their top scorer within the same sentences.

For EB, this is shaping up to be a cup to forget, one way or another.


[OOC: perhaps a little of my rage has been vented. Maybe I'm completely off my head but thats how I feel regarding the situation.]

Once again, Svecia's hopes of continuing come down to the final match, where the Lightning must win or tie and have other tiebreaking procedures to advance to the second round. Francisco Cardini, just returned from an injury, put Svecia in a good position with the winning strike in a close 1-0 victory over Nikea. But a lack of offense and sloppy defense allowed Kingsford to sneak by 2-1 last night. All three teams in Group F have a chance to qualify now for the final 16 spots in the tournament. Svecia will face off against longtime rival Halfassedstates, which lost twice to the Lightning in World Cup 8 qualifying. Svecia hopes to continue their winning streak in what looks to be a tight match.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam 'still in a pickle'
The Wonderteam secures a victory, but is still in a tight situation

By Bill Christmas

GIANT ZUCCHINI (BT) -- A 1-nil victory for the Wonderteam provided a small glimmer of hope, but in the words of one reporter, "the Wonderteam is still in a heck of a pickle." Or a Zucchini, for that matter; a powerful one, led by Urk sitting on top of the group A tables, having already secured a spot in the second round. Oglethorpia is tied for second with Sqournshelous following the 1-nil defeat, only in third on goal difference (+1 to -2). "When you yourself have to preform, and you're depending on another match's outcome; well, that's a pretty bad situation," said Guy Picciotto, Wonderteam coach. "And unfortunately, it's the Wonderteam's situation right now."

Sitting in third in group A after one victory and one loss (to Sqournshelous and Giant Zuchinni, respectively) Oglethorpia must defeat Eauz, and preferably, Sqournshelous must lose to Giant Zucchini.

Co-host Giant Zucchini tops the group A tables, having already cemented their spot in the second round. "With any luck," said striker Torrence Black, "things will go our way and we'll be in the second round. But we can only hope, and play our best game."

For the match vs. Eauz, the Wonderteam will be playing in a 3-5-2, a switch from Picciotto's trusty 3-4-3; which saw a goal difference up to +30 through the 16 matches of the World Cup X qualifiers. "The goal difference shows that that formation worked absolutely flawlessly, but after the 3-nil trashing of the Wonderteam's backfield, we're going to play it safe vs. Eauz in a 3-5-2."

Oglethorpia's match vs. fellow Emerald Heights regional neighbor Eauz will determine the fate of the Wonderteam.

"We'll see," said midfielder Floyd Black. "We'll see."

The Midway Journal

Advancement Looks Iffy
Win over Gesamtkuntswerk needed to move on

GIANT ZUCCHINI -- The first two matches of the World Cup 10 group stage haven't quite gone as the Bedistan Lions would have liked.

First came the awaited re-rematch with Liverpool England. Possession was basically equal for the whole match, but Darren Morlock finally managed to break the ice by sending the ball into the net in the 79th minute. Unfortunately for Morlock's team, though, he had just been ruled offside and the goal did not stand. Neither team was able to break the deadlock.

Final score:
Liverpool England 0
Bedistan 0

Then came Ariddia, the lowest-ranked team in Group D. Not that that's saying much, as they're still 20th in the world. The Bedistani offense was doing its damnedest, but Ariddian keeper al-Jibai would not allow anything through. Alas, the same could not be said for Chuck Mitchell, who let the winning goal in just ten minutes before the final whistle.

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Ariddia 1 (<player> 82)

Ariddia tops the group with four points. Liverpool England and Gesamtkuntswerk have drawn both of their matches, leaving both teams with two points. Bedistan, being the only team to have suffered a defeat so far, sits at the bottom on one point. A Bedistani win in conjunction with an Ariddian win or draw will see the Lions through, though. In fact, even if Liverpool England should beat Ariddia, the Lions will still go through if LE and Bedistan win by a combined three goals or more. However, if Bedistan is unable to defeat the Sturms, the Lions will miss the second round for the first time since World Cup Six.

[OOC: Short on time tonight, so just the basics. Ariddia, if you'd like, you can RP matchday 2.]

At the Zuchinni Inner Stadium, we whipped Anteaus Rising. We expected that. Then we whipped Dennisov! That was a surprise; Dennisov has a higher rank than us and had the highest point total in qualifying. Congrats to Ytrstrs Slmgnkgnkmrsrbdddd for scoring all six goals. This knocked us into qualifying for the next level along with other big names such as Giant Zuchinni and The Belmore Family. Who say's you're better than us now, Commerce Heights? HA! 80,000 Aquillans are being transported in the military grade choppers left over from the move to TNM to Giant Zuchinni armed with a basket of genetically modifided evisceratomatoes that explode when they see people from Commerce Heights. They plan to attend the Audioslavia-Commerce Heights game, and root for the Slaves. Tomorrow we play Tanah Burung; fans are on edge to see if we can have a perfect 9-point first round.

At the Zuchinni Inner Stadium, we whipped Anteaus Rising. We expected that. Then we whipped Dennisov! That was a surprise; Dennisov has a higher rank than us and had the highest point total in qualifying. Congrats to Ytrstrs Slmgnkgnkmrsrbdddd for scoring all six goals. This knocked us into qualifying for the next level along with other big names such as Giant Zuchinni and The Belmore Family. Who say's you're better than us now, Commerce Heights? HA! 80,000 Aquillans are being transported in the military grade choppers left over from the move to TNM to Giant Zuchinni armed with a basket of genetically modifided evisceratomatoes that explode when they see people from Commerce Heights. They plan to attend the Audioslavia-Commerce Heights game, and root for the Slaves. Tomorrow we play Tanah Burung; fans are on edge to see if we can have a perfect 9-point first round.
There's at least more than 25,000 Manhattanites that already have tickets. And I'm guessing there's quite a few Audioslavians with tickets, too. I don't think you can get them into the stadium. You g0dm0dding n00b! I N00K J00 W1TH MY 1894612461982471248294619246192461982469 N00K5! :P
(Besides, we drew with #8 Lemmitania. Dennisov is only good in qualifying and WC4.)

Supercup final preparations have been finished for the Supercup for World Cup Unfortunates and Returnees. Those interested can follow along here:

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=105480&highlight=

Move along, nothing to see here

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Still Have Hope
Defeat of Halfassedstates Leaves All Group F Teams Level
by Markenin Markenel

BURRINGTON, ONE RED DOT(NP) - Panda Magic came through when it had to, giving the Nikean Pandas a shot at moving on to the round of 16 in World Cup 10.

After a heartbreaking loss to Svecia, the Pandas were hoping to earn at least a goal in a World Cup competition, and if a point could be achieved, so much the better. Halfassedstates defeated Kingsford in the first match of Group F, so it would be no easy task for the Pandas against a familiar Halfassedstates squad, a loss in which the infamous anthem switch took place, and a draw 2-2 in Halfassedstates that helped Nikea qualify for the last World Cup.

After a slow first 20 minutes, play began to pick up a bit. Kalessin Quertel had to make some great saves off of the Halfassedstates attackers, while the opposing keeper had to be equally up to the task of holding off the Pandas I&I tandem.

It was a Halfassed attack that got the scoring going. A nice cross from the left was met with a Halfassed head, putting it by Quertel and giving the Halfassedstates a 1-0 lead in the 33rd minute. The lead would not last, however, as Kalainen Mersentel picked up a rebound off of a Turinnen Mortethel shot, giving the Pandas their first ever World Cup goal outside of qualification. Halftime came soon after, with the score 1-1.

In the second half, Halfassedstates seemed content to play for the point, as 4 points may have been enough to secure a spot in the second round. This did not make them any less dangerous, as they had a shot hit the post, and one just whistle inches over the bar.

With all the Halfassed pressure, it was the Nikeans who earned the next goal. Jerinen Istertel's run down the left, along with a nice backheel pass to himself, earned him a clear shot on goal, which he capitalized on. The Pandas played excellent defence after this goal to come away 2-1 winners.

Group F is level in almost everyway. Each team has 1 win and 1 loss for 3 points, and a goal differential of zero. However, both Kingsford and Halfassedstates have 3 goals for, while Nikea and Svecia both have only 2. A victory by any team would see them through. A draw for both matches would create an interesting situation: If Kingsford and Nikea each score 2 more goals than in the Svecia-Halfassedstates match, both the Purple and Gold and the Pandas would move on. Nikea has to overcome a 1 goal defecit in the goals for category in order to move on to the next round, in the event of both matches ending in a draw. Exciting times ahead for Group F, which is easily the most tightly contested group in the competition.

[code:1:da5c43730a]
Halfassedstates 1 (<player> 33)
v.
Nikea 2 (Mersentel 42, Istertel 77)
[/code:1:da5c43730a]

*****ASPN SPECIAL WORLD CUP 10 REPORT CONTINUES*****

Welcome back. Today the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans faced Dark Outcasts on the pitch at Antediluvian Stadium in Giant Zucchini. Manager Ben Dover, red-carded in the Runaway Moose match and not able to participate, was replaced by Assistant Manager Eileen Dover. Eileen kept the 2 forwards, 4 Midfielders, 4 Defenders formation Ben instituted for round one. And Crepe started in goal in place of Pancake, injured in the Runaway Moose match.

The weather at match time was terrible. The pitch was awash under a heavy downpour. Take a look at this clip during the first half. You can tell which players are Dark Outcasts, and which are Hooligans – but the rain is so heavy you can’t tell who each player is.

The pace of play, dictated by the bad weather, was slow. It was difficult for either side to build up an attack. Long range passes were out of the question – no one could see that far. The ball was wet, the pitch slick, the players soaked. Nothing went as planned. The ball slipped here and there, skidded on the wet turf, came to abrupt stops in very wet places. The players could not keep their footing, and by the half, with the score nil – nil, it was becoming impossible to tell who was on which side. They all seemed to be wearing the same color – mud brown.

The Hooligan Cheerleaders came out at the half, and the crowd jumped the gun. Sopping wet and hopping mad, the fans didn’t even wait for the traditional offensive cheer. Just as soon as the Cheerleaders took the pitch, they were immediately barraged with vegetation – small, large, ripe, green, rotten, you-name-it – mixed with a variety of small animals (the ever present goat), a set of mechanics tools, four light-bulbs, and a piper cub – yes, a small airplane. That took the grounds crew some time to clear. While they were dis-assembling the plane to cart off, security carted off the Cheerleaders.

The second half began as the first had ended, and other than everyone involved getting even wetter, and muddier, nothing much happened until the 69th minute. Bevis, subbed in at the 58th minute, took the ball at midfield and drove towards the net. Three Dark Outcast defenders each slipped and fell as they tried to steal the ball. Bevis drove right into the box, managed to keep his footing as he slipped ‘round the last defender, and drove the ball to the far post upper corner. The Dark Outcast keeper, feet sliding on the wet pitch, was unable to reach the ball. 1 – 0 Hooligans.

Dark Outcasts managed a few decent attacks after that, but could not finish. The match ended with the final score.

DARK OUTCASTS 0 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 1

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN SPECIAL WORLD CUP 10 REPORT*****

FLASHBACK:

“Giant Zucchini's listless run has continued with its 1-2 loss to Oglethorpia. Head Coach Mr Hurr, “We desperately need a win. In other words, we need a win desperately…””
- World Cup 6 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 1)

“Giant Zucchini slips back to 4th place with a 2-2 tie with current leader Oglethorpia. Head Coach Mr Hurr, “…we were up against one of the most on form teams in this competition, so a draw is quite adequate…we must chase for our goal, and now, it is qualifying...””
- World Cup 6 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 2)

“Giant Zucchini seems to have put the ghosts of the last qualifying behind them with a 2-1 home win over 12 ranked Oglethorpia. The 33rd ranked ex-giants pulled off a convincing performance, with Urk scoring a brace before Bolton pulled one back from an Oglethorpian free kick…”
- World Cup 7 Qualifying Group 9 (Leg 1)

“…in the 52nd Kurt Fitzgerald put the first points on the board after heading a kick in from midfielder Eddy Christianson. Fitzgerald would also score in the 66th minute to give Oglethorpia a 2-nil win over Giant Zucchini…”
- World Cup 7 Qualifying Group 9 (Leg 2)

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/oglethorpia.jpg

World Cup 10 - Group A:
Giant Zucchini vs Oglethorpia:
Post Match Report

Co-hosts Giant Zucchini got their World Cup™ off to the best possible start as they breezed past Oglethorpia in the National Stadium, Giant Zucchini. Goals in the second half by Urk and Phoot were the deserving end-product for the Zucchinis who refused to be awed by their situation or experienced opposition. Their quickness and energy caused problems for the Wonderteam all night. Giant Zucchini will try to secure their place in the knock-out phase when they take on Eauz. Oglethorpia will try to right their World Cup ship against the difficult Squornshelous.

Oglethorpia missed a golden opportunity to open the scoring just after kick-off. Floyd Black sent a pass through to Jorge White, who was in free on the Giant Zucchini goal, but his poorly struck shot went wide of the near post (2’).

After some early jitters, Giant Zucchini began to apply pressure on the Oglethorpia end, coming back with a good chance minutes later. Phoot elevated above the defence to meet a corner kick, but his downward header was stopped well by Oglethorpia goalkeeper Yamamoto (10’), and then Gung fired a shot from 25 metres that went wide of the right post (20’).

Giant Zucchini went looking for more, and they thought they had it when Phoot received a pass in the area and struck a low shot into the far-side netting, but the goal was disallowed for offside. The crowd let the disapproval be known, and they would have to be content without a lead at the interval.

Giant Zucchini started the second half right where they left off. They wasted no time getting their first shot on goal, as Urk hit a volley from a corner-kick at the near post, and Yamamoto could only slap it over the bar for another corner.

The co-hosts did not have to wait long for their enthusiasm in the attack to bear fruit. They got their first goal of the tournament when Urk sent in a low cross from the left side of midfield, evading 2 defenders legs before curling slightly into the bottom corner of the goal beyond the reach of Yamamoto, bringing a roar from the crowd that seemed to engulf the entire country (1:0, 47’).

It wasn’t long before Giant Zucchini were celebrating their second goal, which came from Phoot. Urk tore down the left flank with blistering pace, his quick changing of direction mesmerising the Oglethorpian defence. After breaking clear from the defence, he put a brilliantly weighted cross into the penalty area, and Phoot’s head smashed the ball into the bottom left corner, leaving Yamamoto stranded (2:0, 67’).

Urk finished things off with another brilliant show of talent. He won the ball from the Oglethorpian defence and quickly fired a shot from 40 metres that curled around Yamamoto, who reached the ball as he dived to his left but failed to keep it out of the net (3:0, 82’).

The Wonderteam had no shortage of effort, but frustration started to show as players began trying to take several defenders on by themselves rather than play the team game that got them through qualifying. A 20-metre free kick by Francisco Green that sailed over the crossbar was Oglethorpia’s first truly dangerous moment of the half.

The Oglethorpians began throwing more and more men forward as the final quarter-hour ticked away, and the Zucchinis, who refused to stop attacking and protect their lead, were dangerous exploiting the holes in the Oglethorpian defence. The chances did not produce a fourth goal, but the Giant Zucchini fans already had enough reason to celebrate.


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 3
Urk (47, 82), Phoot (67)

Oglethorpia - 0


Man of the Match: Urk

ooc: Geez, when did two matches get played? Will try to get a match report on the latest Crocs disaster up soon. In the meantime....

THE OGRZ CULT

"The doll shed real tears," said self-declared Super-fan Mikah Santos, fingering one of the popular OGRZ dolls that are becoming hot sellers among fans from many nations.

"I think it was weeping for the sins of mankind," he added. "And after those qualifiers, who can blame the poor red cute pepper thingy, or whatever it is?"

World Cup 10 qualifiers are the bloodiest on record. Where once it was extraordinary for one player to die during (or to use the official version, immediately after) a match, two entire teams were massacred this year. Millions of individuals named Alan Belmore were rounded up in the "War on Errorism." And the Cup had not even started.

"I mean, who wouldn't cry?" asked Santos. "So many dead. Oh, the humanity! And vegetablanity too, i suppose. Belmores are human, right? If not, then Oh, the Belmoranity, as well."

Already, some of the Tanah Burung fans are calling "the tears of OGRZ" a miracle, worthy of its own freakish religious cult. Some were spotted today in Giant Zucchini parading with banners saying OGRZ CARES and ONE RUDDY GIANT MIRACLE and DON'T CRY FOR ME, OGRZTHORPIA.

The new cult is threatening to displace the Church of the Giant Refuse Bin, which believes that Errinundera is not gone but merely hidden behind a large stack of semi-automatic rifles, automobiles, shoddy Quohog merchandise and leather goods. "Errinundera is just trapped," they say. "If we all stop eating meat and being sinful, maybe Errinundera will come back. After all, force-feeding baby chickens brought Brazillico back from the dead."

ASNN - Star offense turn Runaway Moose into Roadkill
Roadkill jokes abound as TLC Stars beat Runaway Moose 3 - 0

GIANT ZUCCHINI - Antedivulan Stadium today hosted the ritual sacrifice to the Gods of roadkill as the TLC Stars slaughtered the Runaway Moose in WCX action today. Spurred on by the large amount of TLC tourists who have flocked to Giant Zucchini to support the squad. Entering the stadium to the load roar of the croqd, the squad was energized and played like it. Eager to revenge the loss against the Outcasts and give the Stars their first World Cup win ever. Quentin McHenry and Gavin Fleury led the scoring parade, pressuring Moose defense all game long, belting long balls in, threatening the defense all night long, as well as driving it inside. The Moose were not without their moments as well, and goalie Greg Devore and Defenders Lester Preston and Jeff Mckay saved the midfielders from much scorn, as several times that night did the nidfielders get cought to far up the field on quick steals and long passes. But the team celebrated the victory with 3 quick goals in the second half, after the pressure had worn down the Moose defense in the first half. The Stars can qualify with a win and the Moose winning by an unforseeable amount. While it is still possible for the Star to be eliminated, by the stats just don't favor it. The Stars left the field quickly, and the captain was melancholy about facing the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans next game. "They will be a huge cahllenge to us. If we can beat them then the skies the limits."

TLC Stars 3 - 0 Runaway Moose
Fleury (49,58)
McHenry (52)

<OOC>Well, you knew it had to come sooner or later. Here's Lemmitania's first post of WCX. Part 1 of 2. Part 2 to come tomorrow.</OOC>

Live from the land of the One Red Dot, this is Clem Gilson, the Dean of Lemmitanian sports, bringing you tidings of the tenth World Cup on the Lemmitanian Radio Network. The Lemmings enter this tournament ranked eighth in the world, and looking to return to the quarterfinals for the first time in sixteen years. But it’ll be a long row to hoe with more qualifying matches than you can shake a passel of dead cats at, and some of the luminaries of the football world looking to slow them down. Tonight they’ll kick the whole thing off against long-time rivals Tanah Burung in what promises to be a match frought with danger, excitement, evisceration, supernatural terror, and more fun surprises. We’re thirty minutes from kickoff, and joining me in the booth are your commentators for tonight’s game, Lana Maelstrom and Lemmy “Atom” Meisterbrau! Lana, Lemmy, welcome to the broadcast!

Lana: Thanks, Clem, glad to be ‘ere, as always.

Lemmy: Thank you, Clem. It’s an honor and a privilege.

Lana: You won’t be sayin’ that in an hour’s time.

Clem: One never knows. Four years ago, you were a member of the Lemmings yourself, Lemmy.

Lemmy: That’s totally correct. Also eight years ago.

Clem: Had some broadcast training in the meantime, have you?

Lemmy: Uh... sure.

Clem: ‘Cause I don’t particularly remember hearing you call any games for LRN the last couple seasons. Or for LTV.

Lemmy: Like, football games, you mean?

Clem: That’s the one.

Lemmy: No, man. I ain’t called any football games before.

Lana: Lemmy b’lieves in learnin’ things by the tried-an’-true “Test o’ Fire” method.

Clem: I didn’t think you had any experience. Well, leave it to LRN to throw caution to the wind and hire a completely unknown quantity.

Lemmy: I ain’t an unknown quantity, man.

Clem: No?

Lemmy: I played for the Lemmings. Like, I dunno. Five, six years ago.

Lana: Four years ago, Lemmy. We just discussed that.

Lemmy: Yeah, four years ago. Also eight years ago.

Clem: But as a broadcaster, you’re an unknown quantity.

Lemmy: Nnnnnnooo... Octavion Maleficus, now, he’s an unknown quantity.

Clem: Who the hell is Octavion Maleficus?

Lemmy: My point exactly.

Lana: ‘e wos formerly the star forward of the Dire Arachnia national side. Recently dismissed. Now turned to broadcasting.

Clem: Dire Arachnia? What’s that, some spider fantasy league or something?

Lemmy: That’s Giant Evil Spider Football, man! It’s the hottest thing since sliced, uh, sliced... um... What’s that stuff you slice?

Lana: Bread?

Lemmy: Footballs!

Clem: Sliced footballs?

Lemmy: It’s what all the kids are eating today, man.

Lana: Toasted?

Lemmy: Yeah, sure. They’re packed with vitamins. Man.

Clem: If we could return to a discussion of the finer points of reality--

Lemmy: Giant Evil Spider Football is real, man! They play it!

Lana: For better or for worse, Clem, ‘e’s roight. A bunch of countries ‘ave engineered giant spiders, an’ they set ‘em to playin’ football agains’ one another.

Clem: Okay then. When you say ‘giant’ spiders, how big do you mean?

Lemmy: Really big.

Clem: Like tarantulas?

Lana: Some of ‘em are tarantulas. But by big we mean on the order of three meters ‘igh.

Clem: The hell you say. You can’t have three-meter high spiders.

Lana: Unfortunately-- an’ I mean that-- the fac’s would beg to differ wit’ you, Clem.

Lemmy: Yeah, man.

Clem: But you can’t have three-meter-high spiders. Didn’t you ever see Them?

Lemmy: See who? The Lemmings?

Clem: Not the Lemmings, Them--

Lemmy: The giant spiders?

Clem: Them. Them. It’s a movie. About giant ants.

Lemmy: Not giant spiders?

Clem: Not giant spiders, giant ants.

Lemmy: Do they play football?

Clem: Of course not.

Lemmy: Then I never saw it.

Lana: Did you ever see a movie about giant ants playin’ football, then, Lemmy?

Lemmy: No, what movie is that?

Lana: Wull, no movie, I guess. Too bad, though. Soun’s loik it would’ve been a good one.

Lemmy: Yeah, I saw that one once. It was good.

Clem: You saw Them?

Lemmy: Who, the Lemmings?

Clem: No, the movie.

Lemmy: What movie?

Clem: Them! [i]Them[/]! The movie we’ve been talking about!

Lana: Wit’ the giant football-playin’ ants, Lemmy.

Clem: No football! The ants in Them don‘t play football!

Lemmy: What do they do, then?

Clem: Mostly, they just terrorize people. And eat them.

Lemmy: Cool.

Lana: If the ants don’t play football, wot’s the significance of the film, Clem?

Lemmy: Giant ants are significant unto themselves, Lana.

Lana: I mean significant in the contex’ of Clem’s bringin’ ‘em up durin’ our discussion of the Giant Evil Spider Football League.

Lemmy: Oh, yeah.

Clem: The point is, that to get rid of the ants in Them, they make ‘em keep on growing until they get so big that they can’t respirate properly. And then they suffocate and die.

Lana: ‘ow come?

Clem: Something to do with having exoskeletons and no lungs. I don’t know bug physiology.

Lemmy: Not per se.

Clem: What’s that mean?

Lemmy: Just seemed like something to say.

Lana: An’ ‘ow big did they make the ants grow before the poor things collapsed in suffocatin’ ‘eaps?

Clem: About three meters, if I remember.

Lana: Wull, Clem, I dunno. That don’t sound to me loik it proves anythin’.

Clem: Anyway, even assuming that some crazy bastards have figured out how to grow spiders three meters tall, how the hell would they teach them to play football? Do they make them hyper-intelligent, too?

Lemmy: You don’t have to be hyper intelligent to play football, man.

Lana: Case in point.

Clem: For a spider they’d have to be hyper-intelligent.

Lemmy: Hey, Lana, man, what was that supposed to mean?

Lana: Do you consider yourself hyper-intelligent, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Me? Well... uh, no, not hyper intelligent. I mean, I’ve killed off a whole lotta brain cells in my day, if you know what I mean.

Clem: ‘Cause a spider is probably, like, one ten-thousandth as intelligent as a human being, right? And just for the sake of argument, let’s say that you could teach a monkey with one-tenth human intelligence to play football. I’m not saying I’m convinced you could do it, but just for the sake of argument. So that means you’d have to increase the spiders’ intelligence by a thousand times to reach football adequacy. And a thousand-times increase in intelligence, I’d call hyper-intelligent.

Lana: Yeh, yeh, yeh. Wull, the spiders are a thousand times bigger than regular spiders. So their brains are a thousand times bigger, too. So they prolly are a thousand times smarter.

Clem: Hmm... Well, you have a point there, Lana.

Lana: An’ from wot I’ve ‘eard, they’re pretty dumb. Lotta goal-scorin’ ‘appens whoile the defenders are distracted by pretty lights an’ wotnot.

Lemmy: That happens in human football, too.

Clem: So this is for real, then? There’s really a Giant Spider Football League?

Lana: Giant Evil Spider Football League.

Clem: Evil? Giant evil spiders?

Lana: Tha’s right.

Clem: What makes them evil?

Lana: Genetics, mos’ likely.

Lemmy: Bad parenting, I say.

Clem: Leaving aside the question of nature or nurture, what do they do that’s evil? Cheat?

Lana: At football? The officials would never allow it!

Clem: So how can you tell they’re evil?

Lemmy: It’s the name of the game, man. They have to be evil.

Lana: They eat a lot of people. “Puny ‘umans,” they call ‘em.

Clem: What, so the spiders can talk?

Lana: Some of ‘em.

Lemmy: Maleficus can talk, man.

Clem: Who?

Lemmy: Maleficus. The star forward turned broadcaster?

Clem: Oh, yeah. The one who started this whole assinine discussion.

Lemmy: Yeah, him.

Lana: I don’t think it’s fair to call Giant Evil Spider Football assinine, Clem.

Clem: I didn’t, strictly speaking. I called the discussion assinine. Though I wouldn’t want to rush to the judgment that giant spiders playing football isn’t assinine.

Lemmy: Just wait’ll you see it, man.

Lana: A lot of people like it.

Clem: It sounds gruesome and horrifying.

Lana: It is.

Lemmy: Like cockfighting.

Lana: Or Pokémon.

Clem: Huh?

Lana: Pokémon. It’s the Japanese version of cockfighting. But it involves cute li’le characters with names loik “Jigglypuff” and “Squirtle.”

Clem: Fighting each other?

Lana: Yes.

Clem: Leave it to the Japanese.

Lemmy: They’re prob’ly the ones who developed the giant spiders, man. They’ve got technologies we haven’t even dreamed of.

Clem: Like what?

Lemmy: Like, uh... like... matter transporters.

Clem: Phoo. We’ve dreamed of those. And the Japanese don’t have them.

Lemmy: And big mechanized fighting robots!

Clem: Once again: we’ve dreamed of those. And the Japanese don’t have them.

Lemmy: Oh yeah? I’ve seen ‘em on TV.

Clem: Those are cartoons, Lemmy.

Lemmy: No, I don’t think so, man.

Clem: Name a show where you’ve seen fighting robots.

Lemmy: Um... Gundam Force Mecha.

Clem: That’s a cartoon.

Lemmy: Oh yeah? What about Mecha System W?

Clem: Cartoon.

Lemmy: Space Mecha Princess Midori?

Clem: Cartoon.

Lemmy: Fighting Robots: Mecha Series 009.

Clem: Cartoon.

Lemmy: Um... hmm. Those aren’t cartoons, man.

Clem: Of course they are.

Lemmy: They look pretty real to me.

Clem: The people don’t even move smoothly in those cartoons.

Lemmy: People don’t move smoothly in real life!

Clem: Of course they do.

Lemmy: Not in Japan.

Clem: There’s no fighting robots, Lemmy.

Lemmy: What about Fighting Robots Sashimi Style?

Clem: I’ve never heard of that one. Sounds like a menu item.

Lemmy: Hah!

Lana: What about that show where people build mechanical lemmings and set ‘em to foight one another, Clem?

Clem: Oh, well, yeah, there’s that. It’s hardly the same thing, though.

Lemmy: Hah! Once a robot, always a robot, man.

Clem: What the hell does that mean?

Lemmy: If we can build fighting lemmingbots, the Japanese with their super-superior technology can definitely build Shogun Warriors and stuff, man.

Clem: Shogun Warriors are toys!

Lemmy: But they’re real.

Clem: Real toys.

Lemmy: Real is real!

Lana: Did anybody notice the match ‘as started?

Clem: Oh, hell. How much did we miss?

Lana: Wull, the clock on the scoreboard sez ten-oh-seven. Eight... nine....

Lemmy: Maleficus would never miss the kickoff, man.

Clem: Screw Maleficus. I don’t believe in giant spiders. Anyway, you two are the commentators. It’s your job to call the start of play.

Lana: We couldn’t. You distracted us.

Lemmy: I’m new here. I didn’t know the rules.

Lana: There are no rules.

Clem: You wanna just tell the people what’s happening?

Lana: Lemmy?

Lemmy: What, man?

Lana: You want to tell our listeners wot’s ‘appenin’?

Lemmy: How come?

Lana: Because you’re play-by-play. I’m color commentary.

Lemmy: Oh. Okay. Well, uh, here’s what’s going on, people. Me and Lana and Clem, there, are sittin’ in the broadcast booth, and we’re talkin’ about calling the game. And, uh... lessee. Clem’s wearin’ a blue wool suit with a white shrt and a maroon silk tie. That’s a nice suit, man.

Clem: Thanks--

Lemmy: Makes you look like The Man.

Clem: Like who?

Lemmy: The Man.

Clem: What man?

Lemmy: The Man. The one who’s always, you know, oppressing people.

Clem: You want to try calling the game, Lemmy?

Lemmy: Stop oppressin’ me, man.

Lana: Heh heh. I remember when Gil used to say that.

Clem: I think Lemmy’s even worse at commentary than Gil was.

Lana: Oh, no doubt. ‘oo could ever ‘old a candle to the great Gil Lemson?

Clem: What about Grant Rockson?

Lana: Yeh, ‘e was okay too. But ‘e was no Gil.

Clem: Wasn’t he?

Lana: No. ‘e wasn’t.

Clem: You’re sure about that, are you?

Lana: Absolutely.

Lemmy: Hey, did you guys notice there’s something going on down there?

Clem: Where, on the field?

Lemmy: Yeah. There’s a bunch of, like, bugs running around.

Clem: That’s the game. And those aren’t bugs. They’re people.

Lemmy: No way, man. I’ve seen people, and they’re way bigger than that.

Clem: That’s what they look like from a distance, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Huh?

Lana: Lemmy don’t unnerstand difficult concep’s loik ‘distance.’

Lemmy: Of course I do.

Clem: Has something gone wrong with your brain, Lemmy?

Lemmy: What’re you talkin’ about, man?

Clem: You don’t seem to know what people look like from a distance!

Lemmy: Those can’t be people, Clem. I mean, look: You’re a person. Lana’s a person. Look how big you both are.

Clem: You’ve seen football games before, haven’t you, Lemmy?

Lemmy: What d’you mean? ‘Seen’ in what sense?

Clem: ‘Seen’ in the sense of ‘watched.’ ‘Viewed.’ ‘Observed.’

Lemmy: No... I wouldn’t say I’ve seen a game, not in any of those senses.

Clem: How can you never have watched a football match?

Lemmy: I dunno. Never had any interest, I guess.

Clem: But you were a professional footballer for, like, nine years!

Lemmy: Yeah? So?

Clem: Didn’t you watch football when you were growing up?

Lemmy: No. I played football when I was growing up, but I never watched it.

Clem: Well, you’ve seen other sporting events, haven’t you?

Lemmy: ‘Other’ sporting events?

Clem: Yeah.

Lemmy: Like what?

Clem: Rugby? Basketball?

Lemmy: Rugby... rugby.... Seems like I’ve heard of that someplace, man.

Clem: It’s been the national sport of Lemmitania for eighty years!

Lemmy: Oh. So maybe someone mentioned it to me once.

Clem: So let me get this straight. You’ve never watched a sporting event of any kind.

Lemmy: Nnnnope. Not that I can recall.

Clem: Never.

Lemmy: I don’t think so, man.

Clem: Ever seen a play?

Lemmy: A what?

Clem: How about a concert?

Lemmy: No.

Clem: Opera?

Lemmy: He, he, he! Now you’re just being silly, Clem.

Clem: So you’ve never in your life ever been up in the stands looking down at people? No athletes, no performers? You’ve never seen a game on TV in your life?

Lemmy: I don’t watch TV, man. It’s totally bad for your, uh... eyes. Or your brain. Maybe. One of those, anyway.

Clem: And in all your life-- how old are you, thirty-five?

Lemmy: I dunno. That sounds about right.

Clem: In thirty-five years of life, you’re never been introduced to the concept of perspective?

Lemmy: Umm....

Lana: Not to usurp Lemmy’s job out from under ‘im, but I thot our listener’s’d loik to know that a goal was jus’ scored.

Clem: Yeah, that does seem to happen. Who scored it?

Lana: I don’t know. Did someone read the rosters whoile I wasn’t listenin’?

Clem: We usually leave the rosters up to the color commentator.

Lana: Wull then, I’ll jus’ make somethin’ up. Goal scored by Morgoth Belmore. “Moighty Morgoth,” they call ‘im. Only person ‘oo’s ever scored a goal for the Flying Belmores.

Clem: We’re not playing Belmore, we’re playing Tanah Burung.

Lana: Speakin’ o’ which, ‘ave you taken a look at the pitch lately, Clem?

Clem: To be honest, I’ve been too busy arguing with Lemmy, here.

Lana: Wull, do so, why don’t you?

Clem: Hmm. The Crocs have changed a bit since last we saw ‘em.

Lana: Quoite a bit. They’ve chucked the old kit... an’ the old coach.

Clem: Didn’t Kikere have a multi-Cup contract?

Lana: That’s ‘ow I remember it.

Clem: So where is she?

Lana: Me question exac’ly.

Clem: Lemme see that roster.

Lana: ‘ere.

Clem: It’s the Crocs’ roster.

Lana: Indubitably.

Clem: And look at the schedule: match day one: Lemmitania - Tanah Burung. No mistake there.

Lana: Nope.

Clem: And yet, by all appearances, that isn’t the Burungian side out there.

Lana: Nope.

Clem: Could it be a puppet squad, you think?

Lana: A wot?

Clem: A puppet squad. You know, everybody was so up in arms about ‘puppets’ during the last Cup. Talking about how evil they are, and how they should be banned.

Lana: That mus’ be mimes you’re thinkin’ of. Or clowns.

Clem: No, puppets. Like when one nation has a second nation they control politically.

Lana: Oh, you think Tanah Burung sent, loik, a substitute squad instead of the main ‘ome team?

Clem: Yeah. Maybe this is the Loro Sae national side, or something.

Lana: Playin’ under the auspices of Tanah Burung, though? It ‘ardly seems loik tha’d be allowed.

Clem: But look-- this is match day one. And we’re playing TB on match day one. Ergo, that’s the Crocodiles.

Lana: I s’pose.

Clem: June, can you check on this? Find out what match this is. Maybe there’s been a change to the schedule or something.

Lana: For the edification of our listeners, that’s our director, June Chrysota, ‘oo Clem’s callin’ on.

Lemmy: Dude, did you guys notice there’s a bunch of bugs or something running around down there?

Lana: Those are the football players, Lemmy.

Lemmy: No way! They’re so little, man.

Lana: That’s because we ‘ad them magically shrunk so they’d fit in a space small enough for us to see them all at once.

Lemmy: Oh. Cool.

Lana: Why don’t you describe wot they’re doing?

Lemmy: Oh... like, call the game?

Lana: Precisely!

Lemmy: Okay. Um. One of the bugs is kicking the ball. There’s blue bugs, and orange bugs.

Lana: Who’s kicking the ball now, Lemmy?

Lemmy: A blue bug. With the number 10 painted on its shell.

Lana: Let’s see. Going by the roster, that’d be Crocodile striker Yosepha Syahrir.

Lemmy: It’s not a crocodile, Lana, man. It’s a little blue bug.

Clem: Actually, Lemmy, it’s a football player.

Lemmy: Yeah, that’s what I meant. A little blue football player. Magically shrunk down to bean-size.

Clem: Or roach size.

Lemmy: Roach size. Heh heh. Like, you could smoke ‘em if you wanted.

Clem: But actually, Lemmy, they’re full-sized human beings.

Lemmy: So you couldn’t smoke ‘em?

Clem: Not unless you had a really oversized bowl.

Lemmy: But they’re so little--

Clem: That’s perspective! For crying out loud, Lemmy, do you really not understand that? Could you actually be that stupid?

Lemmy: Well, I’m not hyper-intelligent.

Clem: I swear, even on his worst days, Gil was never half as bad as this.

Lemmy: Well, prob’ly even on his worst days, Gil wasn’t half as high as this.

Clem: Oh. So you’re stoned, are you?

Lemmy: Totally, man.

Clem: Not so good at holding your own, then?

Lemmy: I ain’t passed out yet, man.

Clem: When I was your age I could smoke four bowls of Burungian Blue, drink a six of triple-B, and drop three tabs of Dr. Tim Leary’s own special home concoction and still call the game without missing a beat.

Lana: You’ve never called a game without missing a beat in your life, Clem.

Clem: Oh yeah? Then how come I’m Dean of Lemmitanian sports?

Lana: Because you outfoxed poor Grant, I’d say.

Clem: Well, be that as it may, no one could ever tell I wasn’t cold sober.

Lana: That much, at leas’, is true. ‘e’s got you there, Lemmy.

Lemmy: So, what’re you sayin’, man?

Clem: I’m saying, don’t toke up before the game if it’s going to affect your performance. You have a professional standard to uphold.

Lemmy: Do I? Is that in my contract?

Clem: Actually, yes, I think it is.

Lemmy: Lemme see.

Clem: I don’t have your contract, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Oh yeah? Well, then I guess you’re not the boss of me, are you?

Lana: For the edification of our listeners, June jus’ checked into the matter an’ reported back to us that this is indeed the firs’ match of World Cup ten.

Clem: Thus we’re playing Tanah Burung. Just for the sake of argument, why don’t you run down those rosters, Lana?

Lana: Sure, why not? For the Lemmings, we ‘ave an all new squad this Cup. In goal, it’s Melanie “Melifluous Mel” Melsterson. The defensive four are Limmette “Lim” Loombacker, Lommie “Lom” Luggins, Lumetta “Lum” Limpster, an’ Lambroche “the Lamb” Lambwhacker. In the midfield, we got Annette “Greta” Lemlem, Josie “Millicent” Mellem, an’ Darla “the Sub-Human” Lydon. An’ the strikers are Willette Lemjones, Trixitica Lemsmith, an’ Josephine “the Lemming” Lemspoobagganaggatoratorreador.

Clem: Marking the first time the Lemmings have fielded an all-female squad in International play.

Lana: Yep. An’ the Crocs ‘ave countered with Nino Konis in goal; on defense, longtime captain Rosa Bibere, Alex Manupatty, Violeta Horta, an' Silvia Rumbiak; in midfield, Canabe Livit, rookies Karena Gelap, Kareta Api, an' Zachary Alkatiri; an' strikers Yosepha Syahrir an' Taur Matan Ruak.

Clem: And coaching the sides are two past World Cup greats, Mick Mickelson for the Lemmings and Bi Kikere for the Crocs.

Lana: Indeed.

Clem: You know whose kit the Crocs’ new uniforms remind me of? Audioslavia.

Lana: Yeh... I see the resemblance.

Clem: Wouldn’t it be funny if that’s really the ‘Slaves side? Audioslavia didn’t invade Tanah Burung or something, did they?

Lana: I’m sure we would ‘ave ‘eard about it.

Lemmy: Hey, you guys know what I just noticed? Gil ain’t here.

Lana: Gil’s dead, Lemmy. He died over ten years ago.

Lemmy: Well, Grant, then. You know, that guy who replaced him.

Clem: Grant’s not in the sportscasting business anymore.

Lemmy: No?

Clem: No. As is well known across the country, he’s hosting a daily children’s program on TV.

Lemmy: Oh. Is that a good idea?

Clem: A fine question, Lemmy. A fine question indeed.

Lana: Mr. Rockson’s Neighbor’ood is one of the ‘ighest-rated afternoon programs on the air, I unnerstand.

Lemmy: Mr. Rockson’s Neighborhood? Is that his show? Man, I love that show. I watch it every day!

Clem: Obviously, that’d be his show. You watch Mr. Rockson’s Neighborhood every day, and didn’t realize Grant’s the host?

Lemmy: How would I know that?

Clem: I dunno... you might recognize him as the famous sportscaster, Grant Rockson.

Lemmy: Yeah, but who knows what sportscasters look like? They’re all, like, behind the scenes and stuff, you know, man? Like you. Who knows what you look like?

Clem: Anyone who watches Monday Night Rugby.

Lemmy: Nobody watches that.

Clem: It’s the highest-rated show on LTV!

Lemmy: Ratings are bunk, man.

Clem: Just because you don’t watch sports doesn’t mean it isn’t popular.

Lemmy: I don’t watch sports ‘cause I don’t like sports. Sports sucks. Or suck. Or whatever. Man.

Lana: As a retired athlete, ‘ow can you say that, Lemmy?

Lemmy: I just say what I feel, man.

Clem: Whoa whoa whoa! A goal by Lemspoobagganaggatoratorreador! Josephine the Lemming just headed it in on a wicked crosser from Lydon, and at thirty-five minutes we’re all tied up at a goal apiece.

Lana: The Lemming just beat Konis, ‘oo was divin’ for it an’ almost deflected the shot. An’ the ladies in orange are celebratin’ their first goal of the Cup. Doin’ the “Lemming Dance” wot’s become so popular this past year.

Clem: Thanks to that damn video by the Lemming Dance Party All-stars.

Lana: Yeh, I could do without all the Lemming Dancing, meself.

Clem: There’s nothing worse than getting “Who Let the Lemmings Out?” stuck in your head.

Lana: Please don’t remin’ me of that song’s existence... too late.

Clem: And they’re breaking it up. Thank goodness.

Lana: We never used to celebrate like that in my day.

Clem: No, indeed.

Lemmy: Hey, did you guys see the bugs just now? All the orange ones were jumping around and doing some kind of crazy dance, man.

Lana: Welcome to the conversation, Lemmy.

Lemmy: I think they were doing the Lemming Dance.

Lana: Really? Bugs doing the Lemming Dance? ‘ow amusing.

Lemmy: Man, I love the Lemming Dance. “Who let the lemmings out? (Who? Who Who?)” He he he!

Clem: Shut your yap, Lemmy.

Lana: No singin’ in the booth!

Lemmy: Oh yeah? Gil used to sing.

Lana: Gil ‘ad a special dispensation.

Clem: And he didn’t so much sing as make up horrible, horrible raps.

Lemmy: He never made ‘em up! They were Audioslave songs, man.

Clem: Whatever.

Lemmy: H to the A to the P to the P to the Y,
What’s that spell? Happy, man!

Clem: Shut up, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Motherf***er, I’m a happy individual!
Got a lot of happy flavors in my victuals!
Gonna buy--

Clem: Thank you, Lana.

Lana: Sometimes, yankin’ the old ‘eadset cord is best.

Clem: I can still kind of hear him in the background.

Lana: ‘opefully it won’t carry to our listeners.

Clem: Man, Lemmy is one F’ed up dude.

Lana: ‘e was a great striker, though.

Clem: That’s weird. How’d he ever manage to concentrate on the game? This level of brain-cell damage doesn’t happen overnight.

Lana: Mebbe we can get LRN to ‘ire Glick back.

Clem: I don’t know... they didn’t seem too keen on meeting his demands.

Lana: Our listeners’ll prolly remember that we ‘ad a big round of contrac’ disputes about two years ago. When Clem insisted on triplin’ ‘is salary after the ‘ellmouth incident.

Clem: They owed me for that.

Lana: No argument ‘ere. Askin’ you to risk life an’ limb crawlin’ around in the ‘ellmouth was way over the top.

Clem: Asking us to go crawling around in the sewers was way over the top.

Lana: An’ of course, when Clem demanded triple ‘is salary, me an’ Glick demanded triple ours. An’ LRN caved and gave Clem an’ me our demands, but they ‘eld the line on Glick.

Clem: The poor guy just doesn’t have star power. You know? He’s a fine journalist, but he somehow lacks charisma.

Lana: Comes of bein’ Gilmeecian, I imagine.

Clem: Maybe. Maybe it comes of being named “Glick.”

Lana: Wull, tha’s a Gilmeecian name, ain’t it?

Clem: True, true.

Lana: So now Glick reports on dog shows for the Lemmitanian Animal Network.

Clem: Which isn’t a bad life, really. If you like dogs.

Lana: I unnerstan’ ‘e’s painfully allergic. Starts sneezin’ at the thought of dog ‘air.

Clem: Yeah, I was watching the Grand National show-jumping competition a cuple weeks ago, and in the iddle of it his head basically exploded.

Lana: Snot flyin’ everywhere, eh?

Clem: Ohhhh, yeah.

Lana: ‘e get it on the dogs, too?

Clem: He got it on the dogs, the trainers, even some of the fans in the bleachers ten meters away.

Lana: That’s a ‘ell of a sneeze fit.

Clem: Indeed it was. One for the ages.

Lana: Poor Glick. Think ‘e misses football an’ rugby?

Clem: I think he misses breathing while working.

Lana: So ‘ow does ‘e manage most of the time, then? Surely they don’t let ‘im snottify the dogs every time ‘e goes on the air?

Clem: He usually wears a respirator mask. Like the ones you’d wear if you were stripping paint with chemicals, or something.

Lana: An’ that failed ‘im this time, did it?

Clem: Well, he was in the midst of a pack of Shih-tzus, and I think they just overpowered the thing. I mean Shih-tzus jumping results in a whole lot of loose fur floating in the air.

Lana: I can imagine. And there’s the whistle endin’ the first ‘alf.

Clem: The score at the break: Lemmitania one, Tanah Burung one. We’ll be back after some important messages.

Bedistan v. Ariddia


GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20), Wesley Davidson (1), Julian Xi (16)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Luc N’tula (12), Samuel Pasteur (8 ), Kazushi Tomson (5)
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Tiffany Edge (23)


75th minute:
Kim Kim: “Still no score. . . Another draw would NOT be in Ariddia’s favour. We won’t be going far with a total of two points. The two teams holding their own and defending well, but defending isn’t enough. . .”

Terry Singh: “Well, we can’t accuse them of not trying. al-Jibai for Ariddia and Mitchell for Bedistan have been rocks, blocking every shot.”

Kim: “Corner kick for Ariddia, played by Pasteur. Tomson leaps for it, tries a head shot! It’s saved by Mitchell!”


81st message:
Kim: “The team have yet to score against the fourth best in the world. . . But they have yet to score against us!”

Singh: “Well, this is very different from the team’s early days. A couple of decades back, we’d have thrown everything into attack; we’d have scored two or three goals, and had six scored against us in return. . .”

Kim: “Wahd intercepts, moves the ball back up the field. He’s encountering resistance, passes to Edge. Edge to Tomson. He’s surrounded. . . Passes between the defender’s legs! Clair has it, shoots! It brushes Mitchell’s fingertips, and it’s in!”

Singh: “They’ve scored! This could be decisive! One-nil for Ariddia!”


89th minute:
Singh: “Khan is. . . asking to be replaced, I think. He’s bending over, seems to be breathing with difficulty. The referee puts the game on pause, as the medics come in. . . I can’t see exactly what’s wrong with him; it doesn’t look as if he’s been hurt.”

Kim: “Exhaustion? A lot of people have been saying he’s much too old to be playing high-level football. I just hope he’s going to be all right.”

Singh: “The medics are helping him off the field. Ariddia hasn’t used its substitutions yet, so Andes comes on in his place for the last few minutes.”


94th minute:
Singh: “And against the odds, Ariddia have won the match! They now have four points to go with. The next match will be the hardest of all, though.”

Kim: “Yes, next they take on former World Cup finalists Liverpool England. That should be a high-suspense game. We’ll be bringing it to you live, of course. We’ll also keep you informed about captain Khan’s condition. See you next time. . .”


FINAL SCORE
Bedistan – Ariddia 0-1
Clair (82nd)

CH the rising hopefuls playing in one of their first world cups, with their flamboyant attacking play and youthful arrogance...
4th time we've participated. 3rd time we've qualified. :roll:

yeah... well... umm....

i got you mixed up with Cockbill Street :P

THE OGRZ CULT...which is some very funny stuff
very, very funny stuff!

(ooc: missed you Lemmy!)

There is much dismay in Runaway Moose as Alces Rex have fallen to the bottom of the group. Though not eliminated yet, things are not looking well for the RM national side. Coach Berkett had this to say:

Berkett: "The team had the second best record in qualifying. We came out above EB. I don't understand it. The team was well rested after that night in jail. I think they've been a bit distracted by the nation's impending graduation. Today is, after all, their last final."

Niffiner Moosekopf has said that regardless of the match turnout, there will be a national celebration this Saturday, following commencement, in which the nation will honor its retiring footballers and celebrate the several years of hard work that the nation has put into its academic and footballing efforts.

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

Laurence Wellden in intensive care after car accident

Last night, The Belmore Family's proliffic striker Laurence Wellden was seriously injured while driving home from the 2-0 victory over NASTIC (2). He is belived to be rocovering in an intensive care unit in One Red Dot. Coach Alan Belmore had to say this:
"It is a very sad day for the whole team, but Larry has told us we must go and play hard in the next match. He will be undergoing surgery at 5 GMT tonight and it is unsure how good a recovery he will make. The whole team would like to thank the medical staff for their excellent work and we wish Larry the best of luck for his operation."

HGC odds on Group F

Ravenspire and Svecia to qualify 2-1
Ravenspire and Halfassed to go on 4-1
Ravenspire and Nikea to make it 6-1
Svecia and Nikea to progress 10-3

Special bet - Halfassed to finish 3rd in the group 2-1
(if ya don't get it check out the CL standings after the 1st group phase)


OCC: will rp the two games tomorrow some time - no time to-day i'm afraid!

Disaster for Crocodiles as Audioslavia "invades"

The opening day of the World Cup saw Tanah Burung face the top team in Group B, Dennisov. The two group favourites played a hard-fought match, which like every game ever played by the Crocodiles, featured NO GOALS IN THE LAST MINUTE OF THE MATCH. But it was the Dennish who took the honours with a 2-1 win, continuing the form that made them the first team to qualifying for World Cup 10 and makes them a strong candidate to win their second World Cup.

The team was glued to Lemmitanian broadcasting's first internationally televised match, and increasingly confused, disoriented and disturbed by it. First they were surprised to hear that the game allegedly pit Lemmitania against Tanah Burung. Amidst cries of "Are you playing Lemmitania? Did we miss a match? Are here here or there? Are there two of us? What's happening?" the players became more and more agitated. Hearing Lana announce she was in possession of the ball, Yosepha Syahrir became convinced that she was possessed by an evil Lemming spirit.

And then, Clem Gilson suggested that maybe Audioslavia had invaded Tanah Burung.

Consternation.

Bi Kikere got on her mobile phone and called home. She is, after all, in charge of sports and territorial defence. And although Tanah Burung's army is not renowned for its military valour (or even its existence), defence is part of the job description.

"Has Audioslavia invaded?"
"Audioslave? What, the band?
"No, you moron, the country."
"There's a country called Audioslavia?"
"Yes. The Really Big Republic of Audioslavia. One of the largest and most powerful countries in the world. You're the chief of military intelligence, you must have heard of them."
"Oh, you mean the football team!"
"Yes, they have a football team. They also have an army. Are they invading us?"
"Why would they do that?"
"I don't know! I'm asking you if they have."
"Have what?"
"Oh Lord. Forget it. I'm coming home, i'll sort it out then."

Bi Kikere ordered the team blimp made ready, and called the Crocodiles together. "OK girls and boys, Antaeus Rising. It's a must-win. But you'll have to do it without me. I'm going home."

"Coach," Syahrir said plaintively, "what about the Lemming soul-stealers? Who will protect us form the curse if you leave?"

"OK, look. How many times do i have to say this. There is no curse of Lemmitania. The Lemmings are a good football team. They're a great football team, in fact. But there's no curse. You idiots just psych yourselves out whenever the word Lemmitania is mentioned. Forget about Lemmitania. Concentrate on Antaeus Rising."

"Rising?" chimed in Rosa Bibere. "Like, rising from the dead? Geez coach, that's even worse."

"OK. Enough. No one is to mention curses, the supernatural, or any topics other than football. Rosa, you're the worst of the bunch. You're coming with me." She strode out of the room, the team captain in tow, and headed for the blimp to take her home.

Going in to the "must-win" match against Antaeus Rising, the Crocs huddled for a prayer meeting. But their prayers were tentative, nervous-sounding. Their thoughts were all of Curses and Walking Dead. And play began, and Kareta Api immediately gave the ball away. 1-0 Antaeus Rising. A second goal followed seconds later. And the Crocs played with increasing futility and despair. The one bright spot was a goal by Canabe Livit, who stole the ball away from an Antaeus defender and chipped it into the net.

But otherwise, Tanah Burung was on the wrong end of its second World Cup disaster. Sixteen years after exiting the Cup on a 6-0 defeat at the hands of Lunatic Goofballs, the Crocodiles were all but eliminated after a catastrophic 5-1 loss.

Landing in Tiga Burung and hearing the results, Bi Kikere swore a blue streak in rage. Rosa Bibere looked deflated. "Clem Gilson put a curse on us, coach," she said. "It's the only explanation. He's upset because he drank too much Burung Bud brew in World Cup Five and made a fool of himself on air. Or maybe he hates us because of the 24-Hour Church of Gil. But i'm sure it's Clem that done it, coach. We never would of lost if you'd still been there."

loadsa funny stuff

:D

there was actually a typo in the memo we sent, it was meant to say 'We invite you to our first birthday party' but actually said 'die f*ckers'

we're still trying to find the root of them problem, but until we find it we're just going to blame malicious carrier pigeons

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Prevent Fifth Loss Of Tournament, Draw With Lemmitania
HYDER, ONE RED DOT - The Bulldogs prevented the disastrous 0-1 loss to Lemmitania last Cup from happening again today in One Red Dot. Decker got the Bulldogs on the board early with a goal in the 17th minute, which Lemmitania immediately responded to with a goal of their own. The Lemmings got the lead 2-1 late in the first half, and the Bulldogs tried desperately to equalize before halftime. Quigley eventually got the ball in the goal in the 69th minute, his record-breaking 9th goal of World Cup 10, for the equalizer. The score remained at 2-2 until the final whistle.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Decker 17, Quigley 69)
(08] Lemmitania 2 - FT
If the Bulldogs do not lose to Audioslavia tommorrow, they will make it to the second round for the first time. If they do lose, they cannot qualify.
[code:1:3f429dddf2]Group H-Hyder, ORD P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Lemmitania (8) 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 4 -1
Commerce Heights (23) 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4 -1
Audioslavia (18) 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3 -3
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 2 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0 ELM[/code:1:3f429dddf2]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 19: vs #29 Total n Utter Insanity – W 1-0
Day 20: vs #8 Lemmitania – T 2-2
Day 21: vs #18 Audioslavia
Statistics - Team
[code:1:3f429dddf2] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 58 10 13 17 18
Wins 31 3 6 10 12
Draws 10 3 4 1 2
Losses 17 4 3 6 4
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.8 62.6 81.7 69.3 75.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.7 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +24 -3 +5 +6 +16
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:3f429dddf2]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:3f429dddf2]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 18 9 0.50
C. Deppiesse 18 8 0.44
J. Cahalane 18 5 0.28
K. Decker 18 5 0.28
K. DeGraffenreid^ 6 1 0.17
F. Wallace 18 2 0.11
H. Hufschmidt 18 1 0.06
^indicates backup

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 18 15 0.83

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 58 29 0.50
C. Deppiesse..** 35 13 0.37
K. Decker**** 58 16 0.28
J. Cahalane**** 57 15 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
K. DeGraffenreid...^ 6 1 0.17
M. McCormick.^^^ 12 2 0.17
F. Wallace^^** 36 6 0.17
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
H. Hufschmidt...* 18 1 0.06
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 57 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 51 59 1.16
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:3f429dddf2]

there was actually a typo in the memo we sent, it was meant to say 'We invite you to our first birthday party' but actually said 'die f*ckers'

:lol: Ow, ow, i just ruptured my spleen laughing, curse you and your English wit!

HGC odds on Group F

Ravenspire and Svecia to qualify 2-1
Ravenspire and Halfassed to go on 4-1
Ravenspire and Nikea to make it 6-1

OOC: I wouldn't take any of those odds, seeing Ravenspire is in group E, not F. 8)

Draw Leaves Qualifying Open
Crunch Time for Ravens, Wolves

One Red Dot -- Facing off against the co-hosts on their home ground, Ravenspire's national football team played before a mostly-hostile crowd to a 2-2 draw yesterday. The result leaves both sides with 4 points, and neither side having clinched passage on to the round of 16.

The match showcased both offensive and defensive power on both sides. In a move that is becoming more characteristic in recent games, the Ravens took the initiative, driving deep onto the Wolves' side of the pitch several times early in the half, only to see their attacks turned back by the defense team of Jin Koizumi and Darryl Keats. One attempt was made on the goal, but keeper Stanley Matthews, with an amazing leap, got his fingertips onto it and succeeded in deflecting the shot to the crossbar. Koizumi quickly cleared the rebound.

The Wolves hit their stride about fifteen minutes into the match, beginning to reverse the course of play and return the attacks. The Ravens, a bit slow to drop back to concentrate on defense, gave up the match's first goal at the 20-minute mark, as veteran Gary Whiteman outmaneuvered Autumn Mistmarch. A counterattack proved unsuccessful, but the Ravens managed to stave off the Wolves until a late error by defender Martin Longhorn, substituting for Fox Lee, resulted in an own goal.

Fortunately for the Ravens, the break at the half seemed to be what was needed in order to pull themselves together. The defense turned aside an early attempt by the confident Wolves strikers, and midfielder Eileen Schiller connected with a long pass to Kaede Kitsuki. The striker, who had been slumping in recent matches, found an opening for a shot, and Matthews proved a bit too slow to stop it; it bounced off the keeper's fingers and into the net, bringing the score to 2-1.

The Ravens fought desperately for the next twenty minutes to equalize the score, and succeeded at the 70th minute, when Hikari Kitsu was awarded a penalty shot after being tripped by Wolves defender Aki Kuhiraku. Once again Matthews fell just short of a save.

In the remaining 23 minutes of play (including injury time), defense was on display as both sides struggled to land the game-winning goal. But it was not to be. Brilliant saves by both keepers, and some fancy footwork on the parts of Koizumi and Schiller, kept the all-important goal from being scored. The final whistle saw the game ending with a 2-all draw.

Ravenspire currently occupies the top of the group on goals-for, followed by One Red Dot. Kaze Progressa, with 3 points after their win against The Weegies, trails slightly, but can still qualify. Only The Weegies themselves, the Ravens' next opponents, are out of the picture -- but the match remains important. "If One Red Dot wins tomorrow, then we move on, no matter what," coach Zhen Sui-Ling explained. "But if Kaze Progressa win, and we lose, and we lose by more than the Progressans win by, then we're out. So we need at least a draw to be assured of going on." She expressed again her assurances that the Ravens will not take the coming match for granted.

Tanah Burung-Aquilla Match Delayed Because of Terrorist!

Aquilla and Tanah Burung were just about to face off in Zuchinni Indoor Stadium, when someone flushed the toilet.

Some terrorist had done something so that the entire contents of the sewer system issued forth from the toilets and sinks. In minutes, the stadium was flooded, leaving a nasty smell. Fortunately, everyone got out safely, and the terrorist was trying to escape. After a short conference, it was decided that Aquilla had the toughest policy on terrorists, and thus he was IASJNed to Aquilla's homeworld in two hours. On the way, he said that he would cooperate if he was given a lighter sentence. The police agreed; we're here live at the trial.

Judge Thomas Rndskkkm: What is your name?
Terrorist: Alan Belmore.
TR: From the nation of The Belmore Family?
AB: Yes.
TR: Did you do this?
AB: Yes.
TR: Why?
AB: I was sponsored by the government. They said it would bring unimaginable gain to the TBF soccer team.
TR: So you weren't alone?
AB: No sir, in fact, seven other terrorists like me have been sent to the other World Cup Stadiums.
TR: I have heard enough. Because you have been so cooperative, you will not be tortured before you are executed.
AB: WHAAAAAT?????

Alan Belmore is dragged off, a shot is heard in the distance.

---

That was the trial of the terrorist; short and sweet, as always in Aquilla. Hmm, maybe that should be a motto. Anyway, we are shocked to see the government of The Belmore Family stoop to such low tactics as terrorism, especially like this...my nose still hurts. The Aquillan Sports Commission recommends *he pauses for a moment* that The Belmore Family be expelled from the Cup. Needless to say, the ZIS is closed for cleaning; KCHR will be back tomorrow, hopefully.

I really hate it when people bet on Svecia, because we always seem to end up losing. I remember Bedistan betting on us to win it all back in WC 5 or 6 and then we got 3rd place for the second time. [knocks on wood] The nation of Svecia is knocking on wood tonight waiting for the results from their team. The power is out through most of the nation due to a massive snow storm (yes we do unfortunately have snowstorms in Svecia) and people, including the King, are huddled around their space heaters and battery powered radios eagerly awaiting the match broadcast, hoping and praying for good news....

FLASHBACK:

“Giant Zucchini’s disastrous qualifying campaign continues with a shock 1-3 loss to newcomers Eauz…Furtermachtermorgstrasluwecragnavonchelsenntungkshvaghugtihetesprishtengckshnoff’s close range tap-in in the dying seconds of the game could not diminish the impact this loss has on the country and it’s chance of qualification…”
- World Cup 6 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 1)

“Giant Zucchini seems back in the running after their disastrous start to their World Cup campaign with a 3-1 win over Eauz. Head Coach Mr Hurr, “The team is back on track. We are under no illusions, though…””
- World Cup 6 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 2)

“The Zucchinis provided scant atonement for their loss to WNA with a 1-0 win over Eauz. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "I am still not happy with the performance of my squad. But I believe we will improve once the first team is available again…"”
- World Cup 8 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 1)

“…Kerrnigit stole the show against Eauz with a beautifully curving free kick into the far post in the 39th minute, while Urk volleyed home from a Kerrnigit cross in the 79th minute to seal the victory…”
- World Cup 8 Qualifying Group 3 (Leg 2)

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/eauz.jpg

World Cup 10 - Group A:
Giant Zucchini vs Eauz:
Post Match Report

Urk led Giant Zucchini over a desperate Eauz side, through a driving rainstorm, and made Giant Zucchini the first team to assure their spot in the second round of the competition. Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff added a late goal to complete the score line.

While the Zucchinis assured their spot in the second round, Eauz, who played the Zucchinis evenly for most of the match, have now officially joined the ranks of eliminated teams. The victory in the National Stadium, Marauding, Giant Zucchini means that Giant Zucchini are on six points, 3 points ahead of both Squornshelous and Oglethorpia. Eauz have lost both their matches and will try to get a result against the Wonderteam next.

Eauz came out and controlled possession early, and it wasn’t long before they took the lead. The Eauz goalkeeper started the sequence with a long ball into the area that the Giant Zucchini defence cleared straight to an Eauz striker, who shot powerfully at the far post, and though Giant Zucchini goalkeeper Oog made a nice diving save, the rebound bounced off Aargh and into the net (0:1, 9’).

Several early chances fell to the foot of Urk, who first chopped a slow roller to the Eauz goalkeeper and then fired a shot from 20 metres wide of the right post (11’). Minutes later, Urk struck a half-volley from almost the same spot right at the Eauz goalkeeper (13’).

With so many looks at goal, it was inevitable that Urk would capitalize on one. That one came when Poom picked him out in the left side of the area. Urk shook off a defender by cutting to his right and then fired a shot from eight metres that beat the Eauz goalkeeper at the near post (1:1, 14’).

The affair became rather messy under the pounding rain. Technical midfield play became out of the question, and the uncertain footing led to some ugly fouls. By the end of the first half, the referee had handed out five cautions.

One of those cautions came on a foul that set up a free kick for Kerrnigit on the edge of the area, but the Marauding star rolled a slow shot that the Eauz goalkeeper had no problem scooping up (40’).

As the rain continued to fall in the second half, Eauz missed a chance to equalise when they received a pass from out of midfield and took a shot a step inside the area that went wide of the right post (56’).

Head Coach Mr Hurr opted for two offensive substitutes early in the second half. First he brought on Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff for Poom (60’) and then Zonk for Phoot (63’).

Almost immediately after coming into the game, Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff started a sequence that led to Kerrnigit running onto a ball near the end line and playing it across the goalmouth for Urk, who tapped it in from five metres (2:1, 65’).

Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff was also involved in Urk’s third goal. The Dankeschoen man played a diagonal ball to Urk at the edge of the area, and no one in the stadium was surprised when he completed the hat-trick by putting his shot past the Eauz goalkeeper (3:1, 77’).

Then it was Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff’s turn to grab one of his own after Woog, yet another second-half substitute, centred into the goal area and Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff slid on the wet grass to direct the ball past the Eauz goalkeeper (4:1, 88’).


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 4
Urk (14, 65, 77), Machterstrassefurtermorgannachttunggutsprechenbuchlungweighetvolkshvargenshtickshnoff (88}

Eauz - 1
Aargh (9-O.G.)

Man of the Match: Urk

Tanah Burung-Aquilla Match Delayed Because of Terrorist!

Aquilla and Tanah Burung were just about to face off in Zuchinni Indoor Stadium, when someone flushed the toilet.

Some terrorist had done something so that the entire contents of the sewer system issued forth from the toilets and sinks. In minutes, the stadium was flooded, leaving a nasty smell. Fortunately, everyone got out safely, and the terrorist was trying to escape. After a short conference, it was decided that Aquilla had the toughest policy on terrorists, and thus he was IASJNed to Aquilla's homeworld in two hours. On the way, he said that he would cooperate if he was given a lighter sentence. The police agreed; we're here live at the trial.

Judge Thomas Rndskkkm: What is your name?
Terrorist: Alan Belmore.
TR: From the nation of The Belmore Family?
AB: Yes.
TR: Did you do this?
AB: Yes.
TR: Why?
AB: I was sponsored by the government. They said it would bring unimaginable gain to the TBF soccer team.
TR: So you weren't alone?
AB: No sir, in fact, seven other terrorists like me have been sent to the other World Cup Stadiums.
TR: I have heard enough. Because you have been so cooperative, you will not be tortured before you are executed.
AB: WHAAAAAT?????

Alan Belmore is dragged off, a shot is heard in the distance.

---

That was the trial of the terrorist; short and sweet, as always in Aquilla. Hmm, maybe that should be a motto. Anyway, we are shocked to see the government of The Belmore Family stoop to such low tactics as terrorism, especially like this...my nose still hurts. The Aquillan Sports Commission recommends *he pauses for a moment* that The Belmore Family be expelled from the Cup. Needless to say, the ZIS is closed for cleaning; KCHR will be back tomorrow, hopefully.

Ummm..... can we have our citizen back please?

OFFICIAL WCC ANNOUNCEMENT


We have a majority vote. The next World Cup will be hosted by... *rolls drums ominously*

Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards!

Congratulations!

The Belmore Family and Rejistania, having come second, would host should the hosts back down for any reason.

HGC odds on Group F

Ravenspire and Svecia to qualify 2-1
Ravenspire and Halfassed to go on 4-1
Ravenspire and Nikea to make it 6-1

OOC: I wouldn't take any of those odds, seeing Ravenspire is in group E, not F. 8)

*Tries to think of a good reason for the ba11s-up - fails*
Ummm - bugg3r!

Though the bet on us finishing 3rd was a good one!!

Liverpool England v. Ariddia


Singh: “Thank you for joining us. You’re about to watch Ariddia face the second best team in the world, Liverpool England. Ariddia so far have a very slight advantage in Group D, with 4 points.”

Kim: “Mayantar will be playing goalkeeper today, a show of the team’s trust in the West Ariddian. So far, the team’s defence has been solid, and al-Jibai has conceded just one goal in two matches.”


GK: Lily Mayantar (3)
DEF: Jean-François Cocher (21), Wn Wahd (20), Rod Schwarzwald (13), Wesley Davidson (1)
MID: Luc N’tula (12), Jules Andes (19), Luke Wu (15), Victor Menuisier (14)
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Bjørn Reath (6)


Kim: “Ranjit Khan will not be playing, sadly. The doctors have advised him it would be too dangerous health-wise, and he has agreed to pull out of the competition. Ariddia will be playing with a team of just twenty-two for the rest of this Cup. So ends the career of a respected and admired player, who pushed himself to the very limits.”

Singh: “Yes, it’s sad. . . At least he went out on an impressive victory. Menuisier will be playing in his place, and N’tula will be team captain for this match.”


23rd minute:
Kim: “Ariddia struggled in the first ten minutes, but they seem to have adapted now. Ball possession is 51% in their favour. Schwarzwald to Davidson. They need to clear it; LE’s attack is quick and dangerous. Davidson to Wu.”

Singh: “It’s going back and forth between the two sides in the centre of the field here. No, N’tula breaks free! He’s outnumbered, but he’s brought it closer to target. . .”

Kim: “Passes to Reath. Reath evades defence. . . He passes to Clair, who swings and shoots! It’s a powerful shot, and it skims the bar, and it’s IN! Ariddia have scored!”


29th minute:
Singh: “Wahd lets it slip. . . LE take the opportunity! A shot. . . It’s off the bar, hits the ground, Mayantar leaps over it and holds it down! Nice reflexes there.”


33rd minute:
Kim: “LE’s defence clear it. . . but Menuisier is there! He has to pass back to Wahd, who gets it through to Reath. Defence is too thick, but there’s a possibility off the side. . . He’s seen it, passes to N’tula, who wastes no time and shoots! And another GOAL!”

88th minute:
Singh: “And unless Liverpool England can score two goals in less than five minutes. . .”

Kim: “They might score one, at least! LE’s attacker outruns Cocher! Shoots! It’s saved by Mayantar. And that more or less concludes it. . .”


93rd minute:
Singh: “That’s it! Ariddia have qualified, beating Liverpool England and, with seven points, topping the group of Death. Yes, this one is for Ranjit, as N’tula is telling the journalists, as well as for every supporter back home and around the world. This is where the real challenge starts, though!”


FINAL SCORE
Liverpool England – Ariddia 0-2

Clair (24th)
N’tula (34th)

*the scene is the Audioslavia dressing room at half-time in their match with Commerce Heights. The manager, Kenny Lravitz, is giving the players a team-talk. The score is currently 0-0*

Kenny: GARY

Gary: huh?

Kenny: WAKE UP

Gary: i am awake, look *points at open eyes*

Kenny: you were asleep! you fell asleep halfway through the game you lanky barsteward

Gary: no i didnt.. i was... umm...

Kenny: you went to defend a corner at the near-post and fell asleep! you only woke up cos the player that LEE was supposed to be marking *Lee looks away sheepishly* hit the post with his header and vibrated you off it

Gary: vibrated me off it?

Kenny: ok so that wasnt the right word... umm.. you know when Wile E. Coyote gets hit by something heavy, so he starts shuddering and vibrating... like that...

Gary: umm..

Lee: oh, i get it *whispers something to Gary*

Gary: oohhhhhhh

Kenny: YES

Gary: did anyone see me?

Kenny: i saw you. our players saw you, their players were laughing at you, the 80,000 strong crowd were in hysterics, and the whole 2.073 billion population of Audioslavia saw it live on Channel One, giving us a grand total of... 2,073,080,023

Gary: so... not many at all then...

Kenny: ... gargh, right, Gary, your coming off, Chris Lamb, your coming on in defence, Chris Jackson, NEVER GET INJURED AGAIN

Chris J: *clutching leg* sorry boss

Chris L: yes boss

Kenny: now go and score some frickin' goals you bunch of average-beens

Team: YES BOSS *team trots out into the tunnel, Kenny taps Lee on the shoulder and tells him to wait behind for a second*

Kenny: Lee, you remember... your father and i... served in the Audioslavia - Republic Of The Machine war?

Lee: umm, yes boss..

Kenny: well, as you know, we both were captured and held prisoners of war Lee..

Lee: yeah i know...

Kenny: well, your grandfather had a watch Lee, and he gave this watch to your father, in the hope that your father would one day pass it on to his son... to you.... well.... when we were captured, your father knew that if he wore this valuable watch, the Republicans would take it from him

Lee: bible-bashing neo-nazis would steal his watch?

Kenny: not THOSE kind of republicans Lee, Republicans are what we call people from the Republic Of The Machine

Lee: oh, you mean...

Kenny: yes, thats what i mean. The people who wished Audioslavia had never been formed, and that Tha Machine and Soundgardia had stayed seperate, and never sold out.

Lee: i see...

Kenny: anyway, so your father wanted to hide this valuable watch from the republicans, so he put it in the only hiding place he could Lee.. he put it up his ass. He wore that watch up his ass for five years Lee, and the Republicans never found it. Then one day, your father had to be moved to another PoW camp, one that had been set up in TnUI, which quickly became the biggest tourist venue in the whole country

Lee: fucking TnUI... One-Nil

Kenny: yes Lee.. fucking TnUI... anyway, your father feared he was never going to come back, so he gave his watch to me Lee, he entrusted it to me, telling me that when the time comes, when i got my sorry ass out of that camp, to give the watch to you Lee. I too, hid that watch in the only place i had. I wore it up my ass Lee, i wore it up my ass for another five years, and the republicans never found it. As you know, when the war ended 16 years ago, i was released, and i came looking for you. When i couldnt find you, i started managing a football side, and it was then that i heard your name, and that you were captain of the national side. I applied for the job, and here i am, i can now finally give you your watch

*kenny gives Lee the watch*

Kenny: Lee..... keep this watch, wear it always but....

Lee: ....but what Kenny?

Kenny: ...dont lick it...

*Lee looks at the watch thoughfully and trots out onto the pitch*

Dizzy Heights
Audioslavia 3-0 Commerce Heights
Slaves equal best ever run in cup

Three second-half goals secured the 'slaves a place in the World Cup second round

Two of the goals came from centre-back Lee Branson. Branson was brilliant, playing like he had something up his ass the whole game. The first goal came from a corner on 50 minutes, as Branson dove in at the far post to head the 'slaves into the lead. The second goal came two minutes later, Branson again putting Bury through to knock the ball past Votiljo.

After the two-goal shock, Commerce Heights dug their heels in and worked their asses off, thwarting the next few Audioslavia attacks and slowly building the pressure up, forcing two good saved from Pedder, first from a rocket of a shot from Decker, the second from a close-range header from Quigley which he somehow knocked round the post.

It was impossible to believe that Commerce Heights wouldnt score any time soon, but the more time went on, the more desperate the attacks were getting, and the more Audioslavia's defence could re-group and contain the dangerous CH attackers.

On 80 minutes however, substiute Eric Lojkovic got the better of Alex Wilton on the wing, and expertly faked a cross which fooled Chris Lamb out if his shorts, and cut inside into the penalty area bearing down on the goal. Just as he was about to get a shot away however, Jack Harrison dived in recklessly and brought Lojkovic down in a heap. Harrison was duly sent from the field, and Quigley came up to take the penalty.

Quigley's spot-kick sent Pedder the wrong way, but ricoched off the post and out of play. Pedder recovered and booted the goal-kick upfield, falling for Bury, whos one-two with Willow sent Bury through in a one-on-one with CH's keeper Vojtilo. Vojtilo spread himself and blocked the shot, but the rebound came out to Lee Branson who chipped the ball over the defence and into the empty net.

CH's heads dropped at the 3-0 scoreline, and the 'slaves held on to the end.

Final Score

Audioslavia 3 (Branson 52, 82, Bury 54)
Commerce Heights 0

[code:1:1b47d406c8]
Group H P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Lemmitania 3 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
Audioslavia 3 2 0 1 5 2 +3 6
Commerce Heights 3 1 1 1 3 5 -2 4
Total n Utter Insanity 3 0 0 3 0 3 -3 0
[/code:1:1b47d406c8]

The win means Audioslavia leapfrog Commerce Heights into second place. TnUI's third one-nil loss of the tournament, this time against Lemmitania, means that they stay bottom of the group.

Audioslavia's place in the second round will no-doubt upset the traditionalists out there, who expect the 'slaves to be ranked 18th year after year after year.

Ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

*As we are out camping once again, we decide to tune in to the HSMG Radio World service to listen to their commentary on Svecia Vs Halfassedstates*

Well, the tightest WC group ever# is looking to be going down to the wire.
Svecia hold a one goal lead here at half-time and they are worthy of that lead aren't they Alan

Alan - Unfortunatly I would have to say they are Bob. Halfassed have been playing well, but seem to be misplacing the final ball and not getting any pressure on the Svecian defence. Svecia on the otherhand, they have been very clinical so far. But for some great stops by Wayman this game would be over.

Bob - Surprising that he was recalled to the Halfassed side for the finals, but the first game against Kingsford showed why. And despite a fumble against Nikea, Wayman has been playing well again to-day.

Alan - Yes. Whats worrying me is that the Halfassed strikers seem to have lost their way. After Milton and Gunnett grabbing one each against Kingsford, and Miltons 25th ever against Nikea, the 3 Halfassed strikers have managed just 2 shots so far to-day.

*fizz - crackle - fizz .. bloomin mountains and the dodgy reception - we spend the next 15 minutes trying to get reception back - just before the radio is sent down the mountain freestyle, it reconnects (is that the right term?)

Alan - The corner is swung over by Swach, cleared by Jones, Mayha collects and returns the ball into the box, Wall and Belagt go for it and both hit the deck - pen.... no the ref's given another corner. Unbelievable looked like a stonewall penalty to me

Bob - Wall definatly seemed to pull Belagt down.

Alan - Swach with the corner again .... and its cleared by Jones again, he has carried this back four to-day.

Bob - Apart from the goal, every Lightning attack has crashed to earth around Jones.

Alan - The clearance falls to Bundy, who flicks it on to Crewgar. He's through the middle, surely the equaliser ..... no he blasts it over. Unbelivable.

Bob - That was a horror show that was

Alan - The goal kick is flicked on by Belagt and brilliantly taken down by Carati. He goes by Empty...

Bob - Almost as if he wasn't there!

Alan - ..and is storming into the box, Wayman is coming out to cover, and Jones is closing in as well ... Carati hits the sho.... no - amazing tackle by Jones knocks the ball away from the Lightning striker, but the danger isn't over yet, von der Rein gets it out on the left, Wayman is scrambling back, the cross comes in...

Bob - King and Wall are jumping with Belagt

Alan - Waymans, up as well ....

Bob - (beeep)

Alan - Its there Belagt's second of the night. Svecia 2 Halfassed 0 a long way back now, but what a disasterous goal to lose.

Bob - No way - you've got to be kidding me - Belagt shoved Joe king into the keeper No Way Man!

Alan - its Noe Wayman

Bob - eh? No i meant no way should that have been allowed the ref must be joking

Alan - Its Joe King and he can't be the ref - hes playing for Halfassed, ya fool

Bob - Are you trying to wind me up? I meant ... you know what, forget it

*fizz - crackle - pop ah not again! ..... 15 minutes go by - we eventually get tuned back in*

Alan - just under 20 minutes left and Halfassed in a world of trouble. Goals by Belagt on the 26th and 56th have given Svecia a commanding lead.

Bob - Think its going to be 3rd time unlucky for Halfassed against Svecia

Alan - Looks like it, though here is Lecter taking on Swach. Hes by him and plays the ball on to Milton, hes immediatly closed down by Mayha, but Milton gets the ball out to Gunnett who flicks it on to Crewgar .... Off the bar!!

Bob - Cruel - so so cruel

Alan - Van Meer didn't even see it, but Larsson clears.

*plink fizz - damn it bloomin mountains and their snow*

Alan - .. but Kristiansand beats him too it.

Bob - Gunnett looked like hes in quicksand there

Alan - 15 minutes to go. Soap collects the ball and plays it out to Empty. He crosses the halfway line and passes the ball on to Bundy. Bundy hugs the touchline...

Bob - eh

Alan - and continues with the ball, Empty continues his run and Bundy passes the ball on, Mayha is over to contain the danger, but Bundy's heading to the box, and hes unmarked .. Empty sees it a slids the ball into his path, Larsson tries to cover, but Bundy shoots first time .....

Bob - go on my son...

Alan - Its ..

Bob - YYYYEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!

Alan - there 2-1. Bundy and Empty seemed to understand each other subconsciously there a brilliant move.

Bob - There was some kind of marriage of the minds I think it all went together like a horse and carriage!

Alan - interesting analogy there Bob

Bob - don't know where that came from - just seemed to make sence when Bundy's involved!

Alan - Strange! Anyway Svecia kick off, another Halfassed goal now would send them out.

Bob - Go on lads!!

Alan - von der Rein to Swach, ....

*snap - crackle - pop. bugg3r it - these mountains, the snowstorm and a dodgy radio, feels like tiny folk are running about deliberatly playing with the tuning dial and moving the channel! *

Alan - There's the whistle - final score Svecia 2 Halfassed 1. Halfassed are out of WCX.

Bob - *all we can hear a faint sobbing sounds*

Alan - Thats it from us - now a quick weather warning from news correspondant Jean

Jean - Thanks Alan. Weather forecasters are warning of a major storm heading down from the Sowahtsville mountains. It is advised that everyone in Halfassed get in supplies, as there is a major danger of heavy snowfall and major regions of the nation may be cut-off for sometime
*Aww crap - guess we better put a couple of extra ground poles in to keep the tent in place. How long can you survive on dried potato and meat - lets find out!*

#this maybe true, it may not!

OCC: I already mentioned to those in FIFA - I'll be off-line for most of the holidays. Hope ya all enjoy the break and I'll be back in 2004!

Dear Mrs Butts,
In reponse to your letter, the school did produce an end of year report for each child. The children were given their reports on the final day of school to take home.
I can only assume the your child either forgot to pass it on to you, or possibly lost their report and didn't want to say.

Please find attached another copy of Bigs Report.

Yours Sincerely,
Tony n. Unicorn I
President
Wandering Close Comprehensive

Big Butts end of year report

[code:1:c17fefb9be]
Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Oddslavo (21) 16 12 0 4 38 16 +22 36 Qlf
Aquilla (27) 16 11 2 3 36 20 +16 35 Qlf
Squornshelous (12) 16 10 3 3 29 16 +13 33 Qlf
Iansisle 16 6 3 7 14 19 -5 21 Eli
Anti-nazis (69) 16 6 2 8 21 23 -2 20 Eli
Defari (55) 16 6 1 9 22 22 0 19 Eli
Oreo Cookie 16 5 2 9 8 17 -9 17 Eli
Sliponia 16 2 6 8 6 20 -14 12 Eli
Big Butts 16 3 3 10 7 28 -21 12 Eli
[/code:1:c17fefb9be]

Final Grade: E (worst in the class)
Attendance: Very poor
Effort in class: 4/10 - made a good effort during the middle of the year, but fell away badly towards the end.

Remarks: After a poor start to the year, it seemed as though Big was settling in to life in WC, however, the early bullying that troubled Big seemed to return, despite the schools best efforts to stamp it out. We think that Oddslavo was resposible for the 6 teeth that Big Butts had knocked out, although Odd is denying that and Big still maintains he fell down the stairs.

Headmasters comments: We were sorry to hear of what happened Big, the 6 teeth and the 3 bruises on his face a couple of weeks later. We have attempted to reduce the bullying in the school, but it may still be a problem. We hope to solve it a bit for next year by moving Big into a different class.

Despite the utter dismay and confusion in Runaway Moose, regards to their first round elimination, the nation is rallying behind their fellow Asteroidans, Snub Nose 38. Having been mates since the inception of the InterAsteroidal League, which is on hold at the moment, all of the members of the Alces Rex team have stayed abroad to continue their support throughout the coming matchdays.
Niffiner Moosekopf made a press release,
"If it can't be us, by God, let it be the Hooligans, cheerleaders or no."

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

TBF Outrage at One Red Dot

"What?" Was Alan Belmore, manager of The Belmore Family's reply when he was told he would be playing last year's finalists Ravenspire instead of 43rd ranked The Lowland Clans. Speaking Exclusivly to The Daily Belmorian he said,
"This is an outrage, why can't they just be like normal and have Winner Group A Vs Runner Up Group E ect? I hope you all relise how well Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot are doing out of this. This is completely unexceptable and I have the right mind to complain to the WCC for very obvious cheating."
It is not yet sure whether Alan will take up that threat but TBF are certainly in for a hard match tomorrow.

OOC:ORD, nothing personal.

DAILY CROCODILE

After a match delayed by sewage flooding the Zucchini Indoor Stadium, the Crocodiles came out fighting against Aquilla. After one of the disastrous losses that seems to strike this team every few years, Tanah Burung players seemed to regain their composure.

Bi Kikere had to remain in Tanah Burung to survey the damages from the Audioslavian "invasion." Four defence force personnel were reported to have soiled themselves on hearing the news that Audioslavian stealth bombers were on their way. Two more were injured when their lightly-armed hot-air balloon careened out of control as they screamed in fear. The rest of the defence forces were said to be "relieved" that there was, in fact, no invasion.

Team captain Rosa Bibere returned to provide some much-needed leadership, arriving along with stopgap coach-for-rent Guntur Ruak, on loan from the Warnocks Wizards Giant Evil Spider Football team during the GESFL off-season. Although unused to coaching human players, Ruak took the advantage of the match delay to talk some sense into the Crocodiles.

"Coach, i don't think we can win indoors," began Yosepha Syahrir. "Especially without our souls."

Ruak glowered and began to speak: "Though we are cut off from the sun that inspires us to do battle, yet we know it is there. Shining in its glory, a beacon of freedom for all species! Know it is there, know that it shines upon the just! Know that when we fight for freedom, no Lemmitanian hack sports-caster can steal our souls. Strike fear into Aquillan hearts with your determination to resist and to win! The Aquillans are Calvinists: they believe in pre-destination. My sisters and brothers, it is their destiny to lose to the fighting spirit of Tanah Burung! When the enemy advances, fall back and harry them! As they retreat unable to penetrate our mighty defences, strike back at them, as the crocodile strikes its prey! What do we care for imperialist treachery, for the filth of their ideology and the filth that pervades this stadium? Nothing, for our hearts are pure!"

With a shout, the Crocodiles ran onto the pitch. Playing only for pride, they produced their best performance of the Cup. Syahrir marked the day's only goal as she headed in a beautifully-placed cross by Canabe Livit. And Tanah Burung salvaged three points from a disappointing Cup, going out on a high note.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 1 Aquilla 0
(Syahrir 70)

The Freedom Papers – Very Early Morning Edition

ORD Proceeds to Next Round, Dottians Worship Miracle
By Ken Takajima - Freelance Writer

PORTEN BAY CITY, ONE RED DOT - It was not only the national capital which has been experiencing World Cup Fever ever since the One Red Dot started their hosting activities three days ago as 15 national sides took their places at their respective stadiums.

Now, on the third day of the World Cup, ORD has finally - after 6 World Cups ever since WC4 - qualified to participate in the second round, popularly known as the Round-of-16.

The first match was against 50th ranked The Weegies and they did not provide much resistance as the Wolves won 2-1 at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium in Asilton, Dottian Capital Territory.

The second day was against 3rd ranked Ravenspire. Although not many hopes were put on this match, the team miraculously managed a 2-2 draw, despite the Ravens giving their best to defeat the team of the co-host nation.

The third match sealed the fates of both ORD and 26th ranked Kaze Progressa when the Progreesaians, seemingly fatigued, did not provide any resistance, giving ORD their second victory, by winning 4-1.

Says ORD fan, Tom Maierra, "It's a day of celebration! Never have I felt so happy in my life. Red Dot football has gone up the ladder! For once, we are able to hold our heads up high and say that 'Yes! One Red Dot HAS gone pass the group rounds at last' with pride."

Now, the One Red Dot Wolves face WC9 champions Europa Brittania. Although many fans regard this as very unfair as ORD have faced the WC8 champion Liverpool England in WC9, coach Alvin Ker says that they 'will regard this as a learning experience' and that 'the second round is new ground to the team and its not good to pin all hopes for a victory despite the team playing in very familiar ground' at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium.

Although some of the World Cup matches were delayed by a terrorist attack involving a toilet, the authorities have taken control of the matter and it is guranteed that no person by the name of 'Alan Belmore' will be allowed into the toilets of any of the four stadiums used in One Red Dot. it is not known yet is the same measures are being taken by the authorities of Giant Zucchini.

Tickets for the match against Europa Brittania have been all sold out. You can still watch the match live on Channel 7, followed by the delay telecast of the match between co-host and regional neighbour Giant Zucchini and The Lowland Clans, followed by the match updates of the other six matches.

OOC: I was not sure which group winners and runner-ups match up with whom, so I just made up my own system.

Celebrations go long into the night as TBF destroy Ravenspire

It was JP Belmore, stand in for injured Larry Wellden who did it for TBF gving them a 2-1 win over Ravenspire.
OOC:More in depth RP to come when I have time.

(OOC: TBF: Yeah, ORD REALLY has it easy with Europa Brittania in the next round).

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Exit In First Round Once Again
3-0 Loss To Kingsford Seals Pandas' Fate
by Markenin Markenel

BURRINGTON, ONE RED DOT(NP) - Panda Magic ran out for the Nikeans, as a 3-0 loss put the Pandas out of the competition.

Three first half goals were enough to send the Pandas packing. Kingsford proved too strong for the Nikeans, and the Pandas were soundly beaten in all categories.

With the exit, the Pandas mark the second straight World Cup where they have been eliminated in the first round. They did improve this time around, however, earning a win and 2 goals, yet this was not enough to take them out of the bottom of the group, an all too familiar place for the Pandas in the World Cup.

There will most likely be many roster changes, as the young substitutes proved that they are able to compete on the world level, and should be a lot more mature in 4 years.

Next up for the Pandas is qualification for World Cup XI, recently announced to be taking place in Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards.

[code:1:dc3628057e]
Kingsford 3 (<player> 16, <player> 33, <player> 42)
v.
Nikea 0
[/code:1:dc3628057e]

(OOC: I think I was supposed to go through instead of ORD. ;) :P )
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
'Slaves Blow Out Bulldogs 3-0, Broquard Sent Packing
HYDER, ONE RED DOT - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs knew coming into the game against Audioslavia that they needed only a draw to advance, and that a loss would prevent them from doing so. The Bulldog offense couldn't get into the net at all, and the defense struggled against a quick Audioslavian attack. Early in the first half, the 'slaves went up 0-1, then 0-2, until Vojtilo finally managed to adjust. The offense got to work trying to get the ball past Audioslavia's seemingly-impenetrable defense, but late in the first half, the 'slaves put another goal on the board. The Bulldogs kept pushing, but never managed to light up the scoreboard.
(23) Commerce Heights 0
(18] Audioslavia 3 - FT
Lemmitania handed the Insanicians their third 1-0 loss of the first round, leaving the table as follows:
[code:1:775368d7ff]Group H-Hyder, ORD P W D L F A GD Pts
Lemmitania (8) 3 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
Audioslavia (18) 3 2 0 1 5 2 +3 6
Commerce Heights (23) 3 1 1 1 3 5 -2 4
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 3 0 0 3 0 3 -3 0[/code:1:775368d7ff]
The Bulldogs currently stand at 19th in the rankings, but, depending on which teams lose in the second round, they could move up as far as 16th. The humiliating defeat has caused the CHFF to fire both head coach Broquard and assistant coach Meideros, and they will not be allowed to participate in the upcoming friendly, rumored to be against Aquilla. Broquard's final record stands at an impressive 28-7-14, causing many to question the CHFF's decision.
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 19: vs #29 Total n Utter Insanity – W 1-0
Day 20: vs #8 Lemmitania – T 2-2
Day 21: vs #18 Audioslavia – L 0-3
Statistics - Team
[code:1:775368d7ff] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10 WC11
Games Played 59 10 13 17 19 0
Wins 31 3 6 10 12 0
Draws 10 3 4 1 2 0
Losses 18 4 3 6 5 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 71.9 62.6 81.7 69.3 72.5 N/A
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 N/A
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2 N/A
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 N/A gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.9 N/A gpg
Goal Differential +21 -3 +5 +6 +13 0
Rank 100 54 23 23 19?[/code:1:775368d7ff]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:775368d7ff]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 19 9 0.47
C. Deppiesse 19 8 0.42
J. Cahalane 19 5 0.26
K. Decker 19 5 0.26
K. DeGraffenreid^ 6 1 0.17
F. Wallace 19 2 0.11
H. Hufschmidt 19 1 0.05
^indicates backup

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 19 18 0.95

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 59 29 0.49
C. Deppiesse..** 36 13 0.36
K. Decker**** 59 16 0.27
J. Cahalane**** 58 15 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
K. DeGraffenreid...^ 6 1 0.17
M. McCormick.^^^ 13 2 0.17
F. Wallace^^** 37 6 0.16
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
H. Hufschmidt...* 19 1 0.05
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 58 2 0.03

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 52 62 1.19
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:775368d7ff]

[Sportsdesk Theme]

Voiceover: Welcome to Sportsdesk.

Simon: I’m Simon Badell.

Tracy: And I’m Tracy Lucas.

Simon: Today we have a round up of the Antaen Teams battle in the group stage of the World Cup Finals.

Tracy: That’s right Simon. Let’s look at the group we were drawn in.

[Switch to ORD/GZ Group draw footage]

ORD Drawmaster: Dennisov

GZ Drawmaster: Tanah Burung

ORD Drawmaster: Aquilla

GZ Drawmaster: Antaeus Rising

[Switch back to the studio]

Simon: Ouch!

Tracy: Ouch indeed. Previous hosts and dangerous team Tanah Burung, our nation has a lot of respect for this side, but that won’t stop us from giving it out all.

Simon: Previous champions and surely the strongest team in qualifying Dennisov. Altho they won the World Cup many moons ago, little has been heard of this team since. Is it their turn to shine again? Who knows?

Tracy: And finally backwater nobodies Aquilla.

Simon: I’m surprised they even qualified.

Tracy: But qualify they did and even though we don’t hear much from them they have been playing football a lot longer than the Antaens.

Simon: Here’s my prediction, when I heard the draw. Tanah Burung, Dennisov, Antaeus Rising and finally Aquilla.

Tracy: I went slightly different with Dennisov first, then Tanah Burung, Aquilla and last but not least Antaeus Rising.

Simon: Either way the Antaen team have an uphill struggle.

Tracy: Their first match was against Aquilla at the Giant Zucchini Indoor Stadium in Prehistoric.

[Switch to footage of the match including dirty Aquillan tackles, a few yellow cards, one red and 4 goals]

Final Score: Aquilla 3 Antaeus Rising 1

Simon: An unfortunate start, with defender Tiki Misosaki getting sent off in the second half. As well as yellow cards for David Forager and Jill Michaels.

Tracy: But the second match was a complete turn around in form as the Antaens took on the mighty Crocs.

Simon: They had already lost to Dennisov in the opening match and were looking like a shadow of their former selves, much like Haraki or Total ‘n’ Utter Insanity.

Tracy: Roll VT!

[Switch to footage of the match including TB mistakes, some lovely shots and 6 goals]

Final Score: Tanah Burung 1 Antaeus Rising 5

Simon: A much cleaner affair than the last match and a much better result too. This score leapfrogged the Antaens to second in the table.

Tracy: Finally they faced the terrifying Dennisov machine, that had narrowly lost to the dirty Aquillans 3-2.

Simon: Coach Lucy Peters played a much more defensive lineup counting on quick counterattacks to win the game.

[Switch to footage of the match including Great saves, counterattacks and 2 well deserved goals]

Final Score: Dennisov 0 Antaeus Rising 2

Tracy: With their second win the Antaens topped their group.

Simon: No-one could have predicted this.

Tracy: Over 20,000 Anteans traveled to Giant Zucchini to see the Antaens first ever second round match against the unstoppable Bedistani Lions.

Simon: We are going over to the stadium live after this short break.

[Adverts]

Fans Rage as Belmore 'Destroy' Ravens

One Red Dot -- Debate centered less on play than on sportsmanship following the match between Ravenspire and The Belmore Family earlier today.

It started innocuously enough, with the Belmorians and a slumping Ravenspire side playing to a 1-1 draw at the half -- a fairly standard sight in the past weeks. Trouble began to arise in the second half when, despite redoubled efforts by both sides, neither managed to take the ball very far into the other's half of the pitch. Defense on either side covered their men, constantly frustrating the efforts of the offense. Tension began to rise on both sides, exacerbated by what some see as the failure of the referee to call multiple supposed fouls on both sides.

Late in the match, the tension came to a breaking point as Belmorian striker Alan Belmore managed to finally break free and approach the Ravens' goal. Evading the defenders took him cloes to the Ravens' goal, where, supposedly by accident, he checked keeper Autumn Mistmarch, slamming her against the post. Hikari Kitsu, who had been reassigned from her usual striker position to midfield for the match, promptly jumped the Belmorian, and the developing brawl resulted in a number of cards by the time the referee and linesmen had managed to stop it, including reds for both Belmore and Kitsu. With Mistmarch out of the net, the few remaining minutes of the game saw a second goal for Belmore, by JP Belmore, who was substituting for the injured Larry Wellden.

Coach Zhen Sui-Ling and several Ravens players refused comment.

Ariddia makes it to top eight


Commentators/former players Singh and Kim are sitting with four members of Ariddia’s team, moments after the match. The players are wearing the Aquillan shirts they’ve swapped with their opponents.

Terry Singh: “Well, that was some match. Aurélien, Tiffany, David, Wn, thank you for joining us. You’ve made it to the quarter finals. 3-2 over Aquilla. Paradoxically, on paper, this match was easier than your three previous ones.”

Wn Wahd (defence): “On paper doesn’t really mean much, Terry. If it did, we wouldn’t have made it this far anyway. Aquilla are ranked twenty-seventh, but the fact they made it to this stage shows they have the skill and determination it takes.”

Tiffany Edge (forward): “And they made us play a trying match, straining with all we had to stay ahead of them.”

Kim Kim: “But stay ahead of them you did. So what’s next? Traditionally, the quarter finals are the stumbling block for Ariddia.”

David al-Jibai (goalkeeper): “And traditionally, our goal has always been to make it to the semis. That hasn’t changed. Just like every four years, we’re going to do our best.”

Kim Kim: “Whatever the outcome, you’ll have given supporters cause to cheer.”

Aurélien Clair (forward) *laughs*: “We’ll look back on the Cup when we’re out of the Cup. For now, our aim is the semi-finals. Those ever-elusive semi-finals.”

Terry Singh: “Well, best of luck to you. And you have a billion and a half Ariddians wishing you luck.” *looks at Edge* “And everyone in West Ariddia and Nouvel Espoir too, of course.”

Tiffany Edge *giggles*: “That might just be enough. . .”

Terry Singh: “Well, good evening to you all. Don’t get too drunk partying, and see you next time. . .”

Ummm..... can we have our citizen back please?

From The Desk of the Committee For Pointing Out The Obvious

The "dragged out and a shot was heard" line would indicate that there is no longer a citizen to send back.

With Mistmarch out of the net, the few remaining minutes of the game saw a second goal for Belmore, by substitute JP Belmore.

Note-He was a starter as Larry is in hospital!

Ummm..... can we have our citizen back please?

From The Desk of the Committee For Pointing Out The Obvious

The "dragged out and a shot was heard" line would indicate that there is no longer a citizen to send back. We want to give him a buriel.

The Columbia Times

Third Time's a Charm
...but not the fourth time, apparently

GIANT ZUCCHINI -- The Bedistan Lions recovered from their initial group stage shock to overcome the Gesamtkuntswerk Sturms four goals to one. This, coupled with Ariddia's 2-0 elimination of Liverpool England, allowed the Lions to progress.

Final score:
Bedistan 4 (Morlock 16, 77; Sippel 40, 62)
Gesamtkuntswerk 1

So Bedistan had reached the second round for the fourth consecutive time. However, the team's goal was to reach the semifinals for the fourth consecutive time. Alas, this shall not happen.

Bedistan faced the team from Antaeus Rising in the second round at Zucchini Indoor Stadium. It was expected to be an easy match, since Antaeus Rising is ranked #40 to Bedistan's #4.

Antaeus Rising opened the scoring right out of the gate, with a freak shot slipping past Chuck Mitchell no more than 37 seconds into the match. The Bedistani defense regrouped, and they countered with an equalizer from Fernando Sippel in the 26th minute. Sippel would score again before the halftime whistle on a cross from Claire Briscoe, giving the Lions a 2-1 lead.

But that was it for the Lions' good performance. Shoddy work by both the offense and defense gave Antaeus Rising nearly a dozen free kicks, though none were close enough to the goal to do any harm. There was a problem, though, when Karina Kucharski fouled an Antaeus forward, who then promptly buried a penalty kick into the corner of the net. The Lions' fate was finally sealed when the opposing team launched another attack a few minutes later, catching Mitchell completely off his line.

The 3-2 loss eliminates Bedistan from World Cup X, and using "old-style" rankings, the team would fall to around 13th or so in the world.

Several players have now announced their retirement from the team. The following players will not be returning for World Cup 11:
32 - Claire Briscoe (M)
36 - Luis Bean (M)
46 - Nannie Coder (F)
52 - Neil Barcelo (F)
55 - Ashley Boor (F)
10 - Chuck Mitchell (GK)
Mitchell was the final member of Bedistan's original World Cup 5 team.

Final score:
Antaeus Rising 3 (1, 67, 81)
Bedistan 2 (Sippel 26, 34)

The Mike Thomas Award, given to the player with the best performance in World Cup qualifiers, goes to:
40 - Darren Morlock (F)

With Mistmarch out of the net, the few remaining minutes of the game saw a second goal for Belmore, by substitute JP Belmore.

Note-He was a starter as Larry is in hospital!

OOC: Edited for clarity.

OOC: I thought Antaeus Rising were mathematically eliminated after two games?

IC from the Kangaroo:

ABSOLUTELY DOTTY

Kaze Progressa's hopes of qualification for the knockout stages of the World Cup for the first time were destroyed in the cauldron of the Royal Red Dot National Stadium in a second-half horror show that saw the Progressans slump to a 4-1 defeat.

The game started brightly for the Progressans, who had lost to the same opposition home and away in World Cup 9 qualification (the former result remains the last time the national side have lost in the Progressair Stadium). Irafma nearly opened the scoring on seven minutes, forcing a fine save out of goalkeeper Stanley Matthews.

But it was Gary Whiteman who drew first blood for the Dottians on 16 minutes, outpacing Eauam MacKazie before sidestepping Palera to open up an open goal. The noise inside the stadium was deafening, and the rest of the first half was almost entirely controlled by the Dottians, who had hitherto never reached the knockout stages of a World Cup. Leonard Price, keenly moving up from midfield to support the attack, nearly doubled the lead from a corner six minutes from half-time, only to hit the bar with a header. Around the same time, news filtered through of The Weegies having taken a shock lead against Ravenspire. If that lead was to hold, a draw would be enough for the Progressans, and sure enough the Progressans equalised against the run of play in stunning fashion. Aqizen Muqlin controlled a high ball on his shoulder, knocking it past Price, before sidestepping Morikitsu and executing a glorious 35-yard pass into the path of Irafma, who coolly slotted home his second goal of the World Cup. He had not planned on it being his last game for his country - he had already announced his retirement after this Cup - and if the scores remained the same, it would not be.

But inevitably, they did not. The Dottians utterly dominated the second half, exposing the weaknesses of the Progressan defence. The second half was only two minutes old when Price's pot-shot from 25 yards inexplicably was not held by Palera, creating a corner nodded home by Arnold Marks. Marks was the marksman again on the hour, prodding home a Brendan Martins cross, and by the time Price sidefooted past a forlorn Palera - whose role in the Progressan squad in World Cup 11 qualification must also be in grave doubt - the Progressans were past caring. Their distress, and the delerium of the home fans, told the entire story.


:from the next day's Kangaroo:

TOTAL N UTTER AGONY: Wizards/TnUI to host WC11

Kaze Progressa's dream of hosting the world's premier sporting event were dashed again last night, just 24 hours after their playing interest in it collapsed in One Red Dot, when a World Cup Commitee meeting announced Total n Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards would host the next World Cup.

Unexpectedly, the Progressan joint bid with Commerce Heights was also pipped into second by the Belmore-Rejistania bid, in spite of the Belmorians' growing international unpopularity and the recent instability in the region, with a war on Spaam likely following the Alan Belmore assassination in Storavora last week.

The chief executive of the Progressan Football Association, Nurilan Brantazar, immediately resigned. His deputy, Tukzal Leraveli, takes over. Brantazar said later that he was 'deeply disappointed' at the bid's failure, following the failure of the much-hyped KP/LE/TBF bid for World Cup 9.

The Vilämna Times

LIGHTNING SHOCK HALFASSEDSTATES, WORLD - JOLT INTO FINAL 16 WITH DOUBLE STRIKES BY BELEGT

BURRINGTON, ONE RED DOT - It seems Lightning does strike twice sometimes, as Svecia upended Halfassedstates 2-1 on goals from striker Hanan Belagt in the 26th and 56th minutes. Before the match coach Tim Swears pumped his team up with a “win won for the Gipper” type speach, saying, “Our season doesn’t end now! This championship is ours!” After the win it might seem as a championship is within reach, but everyone knows that Svecia will have to battle uphill to get there.

The magic continued again last night, as Svecia needed a win to advance to the final 16. Svecian supporters turned out in droves, as the government organized special charter planes in hopes of getting more people to fly out to watch the game. Back in Svecia, over 5million people had to sit around battery powered radios due to a blizzard in the north that knocked out power. Bars with large screen TVs were suddenly worthless and in one pub in Sjöskog someone’s personal Walkman was even hooked up to a battery operated speaker so the announcements would be amplified.

Svecian King Karl-Heinz Friedrich was reported to be in attendance at the game, in which over 50.000 Svecian fans witnessed in a completely full house. Latecoming fans who were denied entrance to the game milled around outside the stadium, listening to the cheers coming from inside to try and decipher what was going on.

Svecia had previously barely managed to qualify for the World Cup, after advancing over Clearwater based on goal differential. Now they need to turn on the heat if they wish to continue making shock waves in the tournament.

First off, a big apology to Snub Nose 38 -- one of my favorite RPers. He has my roster, so he has a lot of freedom in what to do in our second round match.

So I can't RP my matchday 3 RP or my second round match.

I'm going to be on holiday in Canada for seven days; so to all to World Cup RPers, a happy holiday and new year to you.

Have fun!

Aquilla was eliminated from their first time in the Round of 16, losing 3-2 to Arridia. More details later.

Kingsford National Win Over Slaves, First Time in Elite 8

The Kingsford National, who ended on top of their World Cup Group with a 2-0-1 record, marked their third ever appearance in the Sweet 16. Kingsford has qualified in World Cups 5-10, and has made it into the Sweet 16 in 6, where we lost to Halfassedstates, 9, wherewe lost to rivals and fellow lion-mascotted Bedistan, and in world cup 10, where they were pitted against the 'Slaves of Audioslavia. Kingsford hit the pitch with a less than desireable post group record hanging over their heads, but threw that aside to triumph over Audioslavia and mark it's first Elite 8 Appearance in Kingsford National History. Coach Renson Davis (who also coaches Byrana FC) has had his contract renewed for three more cups, and the gothic K uniform will stay, as some sort of a good luck omen. After the match, midfielder James Fick serenaded the following lyrics:

He was standing at the rock
Gathering the flock
And getting there with no directions
And underneath the arch
It turned into a march
And there he found the spark
to Set this sucker* off

The Kingsford National have returned to Kingsford, but only for this weekend, to play the independent club Imperial (Alotion) in the 92nd annual Battle of the Ages, which pits the team that represents Kingsford internationally most frequently against the winner of the Independent Clubs tournament, in one of Kingsford's most recognizable and historical places, The Old Kelley.

The Kingsford National will return in time to play their Elite Eight match, in hopes of progressing further, though our opponent looks to be tough.

*edited from original quote. Fick was fined $500 for verbal pollution.

Aquilla was eliminated from their first time in the Round of 16, losing 3-2 to Arridia. More details later.
What good is making it to the second round if you can't win? It just hurts your GD. :P

Scuttlebutt - Extremely Late Edition

Captains Courageous
Antedeluvian Stadium, Giant Zucchini Remington Grey

The final World Cup 10 Round One match for the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans pitted them against The Lowland Clans on a cold, overcast and very windy day. And it was a fine football match.

To cut to the chase, the results of this match and the Runaway Moose - Dark Outcasts match rather oddly put both of this matches contestants through to the second round - the Hooligans as first in Group C with 5 points, and The Lowland Clans as second with 4 points. The Lowland Clans beat out Dark Outcasts, who also have 4 points, on Goal Differential (TLC +2, DO 0).

But it's not about the result, really - it's about the journey.

Shortly after the match opened it became obvious that The Lowland Clans are a fair and even match for any other national side. Captain Gavin Fleury opened the scoring with a beautiful 26 yard shot from the right side that curled into the upper left corner of the posts in the 18th minute. Pancake never had a chance to save this one - he was still more than a yard away from it as it crossed the line.

Hooligans Captain Knuckles evened things up in the 37th minute with a diving header off a cross by Malicious. The Lowland Clans' keeper had come out to cut the angle on Malicious, and could only turn and watch Knuckles' header sailed into the net.

Both sides had several other chances in the first half, but neither could finish - both keepers made some truly incredible saves to end the half at one all.

The Hooligan Cheerleaders took the pitch at half time, and were thoroughly "vegetated" (one very small goat included), and placed under protective house arrest, after a cheer that went something like this:

"Hooligans, Hooligans, Hip Hurray!!
Gonna stomp on the Clansmen here today!!
Snub Nose thirty eight, twenty, whatever
(Isn't this rhyme scheme rather clever?)
The Lowland Clams? We're playing Molusks?"

The second half was barely 10 minutes gone when tragedy struck. The Lowland Clans Gavin Fluery had the ball in the corner, and brought it skillfully right down the line, past two Hooligan defenders, towards the goal. Pancake moved towards that side. In a flurry of action, Fleury shot - Pancake blocked the shot but couldn't hold on - the ball dropped at the corner - Fleury and Pancake both saw the ball as theirs - and collided at full speed with each other and the post. And were absolutely still...

The match was halted. Both Gavin Fleury and Pancake were carried off on stretchers. Pancake suffered a concussion and two broken fingers - Crepe came on to replace him. Gavin Fleury was unconscious, with a broken leg and three broken ribs. One rib punctured his left lung. Gavin remains in hospital in critical condition, and has yet to regain consciousness.

The Lowland Clans rallied 'round substitute Mark Jeremy, who wore the Captains armband for The Lowland Clans for the remainder of the match. They raised their level of intensity, and in the 65th minute substitute Captain Jeremy took a cross at the 6 with a bicylce kick into the net, and gave his side the lead at 2 to 1.

The Hooligans came back in the 77th minute when Captain Knuckles scored again. Malicious' shot had rebounded off the cross bar, and Knuckles found himself in the perfect position to strike it, evening the score at 2 - 2.

And, seventeen minutes of fine football later (13 regular time, 4 added time), that's how the match ended. Two goals scored by The Lowland Clans - one by each Captain, and two goals scored by the Captain of the Hooligans.

FINAL SCORE: THE LOWLAND CLANS 2, SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 2

----------------------
OOC: life-threatening injury to gavin fleury as requested by TLC

OOC: Ogelthorpia - Snub Nose 38 Second Round Match will be "covered" in some fashion later. The entire news media of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 will be covering THE GRADUATION, WITH HONORS, OF RUNAWAY MOOSE, and have just been told by Runaway Moose's Mom to get the h-ll away from the computer because we have to leave soon. :roll:

Aquilla was eliminated from their first time in the Round of 16, losing 3-2 to Arridia. More details later.
What good is making it to the second round if you can't win? It just hurts your GD. :P

ooc: true, but it doesnt hurt your GD as bad as if you get beat say, 3-0 ;)

and on the subject of getting through to the second round and getting beat:

ic:

Audioslavia Dissapoint Again
Kingsford 1-0 Audioslavia

Thanks to a George Talon outstanding second half goal, and a less-than adept Audioslavia defence (thanks to the injury of Chris Jackson and Harrison's red-card against Commerce Heights) and a tired Audioslavian strike-force, the 'slaves lost to Kingsford for the first time ever. It was apparent that the 'slaves just couldnt deal with the pressure of having a chance to get into the quarter finals for the first time - a pressure that Kingsford were also under, but dealt with admirably.

The only goal of the game, a superb solo effort by George Talon, was poetically described by midfielding ponce James Fick:

'He was standing at the rock' (translation: he stood next to 6ft4in Sam Dipper)
'Gathering the flock' (he got the ball, and the defenders pulled towards him)
'And getting there with no directions' (he couldnt seem to get past the defenders)
'And underneath the arch' (he kicked the ball past Dipper and ran under his legs)
'It turned into a march' (he legged it towards the goal)
'And there he found the spark' (he was distracted momentarily by something shiny)
'to Set this fucker* off' (he hit the ball really hard into the Audioslavian goal)

*Audioslavian censorship is not as harsh as most other nations' :)

Audioslavia captain Lee Branson, had this to say about his sides venture in WCX:

"I was on my way to the center of the sun
When I lost my wings and I fell into a crowd
And they carried me to a hole in the ground
And they buried me
Where no one can see
And no one would be around"

he says that the 'sun' depicts the orange glow of the World Cup trophy, the 'crowd' are the 11 Kingsford players that beat the 'slaves', and the 'hole in the ground' is ORD airport.

and now, the gallery

*daa da daa da daa da daaaaa dooby do daaa, dooby do daaa da doooo*

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, writing stuff after way too much weed, g'morning nuns.

[code:1:0049b640dd]One Red Dot (29) ? --|
|-- Winner of Ro16 (5) ? --|
Europa Britannia (1) ? --| |
|-- Winner of QF (3) ? --|
Kingsford (10) 0 --| | |
|-- Kingsford ? --| |
Audioslavia (18) 1 --| |
|
The Belmore Family (9) 2 --| |
|-- The Belmore Family ? --| |
Ravenspire (3) 1 --| | |
|-- Winner of QF (4) ? --|
Lemmitania (8) ? --| |
|-- Winner of Ro16 (8) ? --|
Svecia (22) ? --|[/code:1:0049b640dd]

AS: If you'd won you would have been playing the winner of EB Vs ORD

AS: If you'd won you would have been playing the winner of EB Vs ORD

good point...

The entire news media of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 will be covering THE GRADUATION, WITH HONORS, OF RUNAWAY MOOSE, and have just been told by Runaway Moose's Mom to get the h-ll away from the computer because we have to leave soon. :roll:

OOC: Congratulations! :D

The entire news media of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 will be covering THE GRADUATION, WITH HONORS, OF RUNAWAY MOOSE, and have just been told by Runaway Moose's Mom to get the h-ll away from the computer because we have to leave soon. :roll:

OOC: Congratulations! :D

aw, i remember when i was at Republic Of The Machine's graduation....

oh wait, this is ooc....

GFDB Today

Bedistan Gambling Service Denounced
'Egoistic', 'criminally incorrect', opposers argue

AMISSVILLE -- About two years ago, the Bedistan Gambling Service made their predictions about the ten national football teams most likely to win World Cup 10, hosted in One Red Dot and Giant Zucchini. While most of the ten teams are still in the competition -- seven out of twelve at the moment -- three teams have conspicuously fallen.

Ravenspire, ranked by the BGS as the 7th most likely team to take home the Cup, and officially ranked 3rd in the world, fell in the Round of Sixteen to The Belmore Family, a team not ranked in the BGS' top 10. And Liverpool England, ranked 5th by the BGS and 2nd in the world, were eliminated in the first round!

But even more strangely, the Bedistan Lions, ranked #1 by the BGS and officially 4th in the world, also exited the competition in the second round, losing 3-2 to Antaeus Rising, ranked 40th in the world and nowhere near the BGS' top ten.

"Well," says Bedistan Intercourse and Trade CHairman Ronaldo Lopez, "it does seem fishy, doesn't it? The BGS, a Bedistani company, ranks its own nation's team as most likely to win, when in fact they can't even get into the final eight? Seems to me like they're trying to make some dishonest profits."

BGS representatives would not answer our calls about the matter.

"And if they're not doing anything wrong, why are they hiding?" asks BITCH Lopez. "I'll definitely be launching a full investigation into the matter."

For the record, here are the BGS' rankings, made prior to World Cup 10 qualifying:

[Numbers in brackets indicate the team's rank using the official system, the Spaam system, the KPB system, and the TnUI system.]
1. Bedistan [4/2/2/2]
2. Runaway Moose [13/6/4/7]
3. Oglethorpia [5/7/10/4]
4. Giant Zucchini [7/8/5/8]
5. Liverpool England [2/1/1/1]
6. Europa Brittania [1/3/3/6]
7. Ravenspire [3/4/7/9]
8. Snub Nose 38 [6/12/9/12]
9. Lemmitania [8/5/6/5]
10. One Red Dot [29/--/26/28]

AS: If you'd won you would have been playing the winner of EB Vs ORD

OOC: sorry to sound cynical, but that means ORD, IMO. Although given that ORD come into the match on the back of a 4-1 win, and EB were fortunate to scrape through, that would IRL be possible, certainly with home advantage.

ffs, who keeps deleting their posts? thats two pages that have been eaten now :/

Ummm..... can we have our citizen back please?

From The Desk of the Committee For Pointing Out The Obvious

The "dragged out and a shot was heard" line would indicate that there is no longer a citizen to send back. We want to give him a buriel.

Too bat

Ummm..... can we have our citizen back please?

From The Desk of the Committee For Pointing Out The Obvious

The "dragged out and a shot was heard" line would indicate that there is no longer a citizen to send back. We want to give him a buriel.

Too bat

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG

Belmore confused by Aquilla's offer

Head of Forign relations, George Smith was conused today when Aquilla told The Belmore Family that they would be getting "two bats" instead of Alan Belmore who was shot in One Red Dot earlier this week. We got an exclusive interview with George Smith

"Well, I was sitting at my desk and decided to phone Aquilla about regaining our dead citzen for buriel but they're rather odd reply was that they were willing to give us what sounded like two bats. As of yet we have not recieved the bats nor have we decided a use for them."

So this sparks a huge controvosy, why has Alan not been returned to TBF, where is Alan Belmore currently, is this all Propaganda by the Belmorian Government and why have the bats not arrived yet,

Hack Nikeson
The Daily Belmorian

Okay...I did a nice good satisfactory RP. Clicked 'submit' and lo and behold, this invalid_session screen pops up. An now it's gone.

Anyway ORD defeated EB 2-1

Okay...I did a nice good satisfactory RP. Clicked 'submit' and lo and behold, this invalid_session screen pops up. An now it's gone.

Anyway ORD defeated EB 2-1
When you get "invalid_session", use your "back" button. Then "copy" your entire RP to your word processing program (Word, or whatever). THEN, use your back button until you get back to the thread as it was before you started your RP. NOW click on "Post Reply", paste your RP, and post.

It usually works.

Zach Williams of the IGP would like to remind the Belmore Family that this Alan Belmore's body will be shipped to Gilmeecia, under penalty of committing at least two crimes against humanity. Furthermore, the IGP is placing a bat embargo on the Belmore Family, to ensure that no compensation for this international criminal shall be given.

Zach Williams of the IGP would like to remind the Belmore Family that this Alan Belmore's body will be shipped to Gilmeecia, under penalty of committing at least two crimes against humanity. Furthermore, the IGP is placing a bat embargo on the Belmore Family, to ensure that no compensation for this international criminal shall be given.
As The Belmore Family is not a member of the IGP we would remind Zach Williams TBF would be more than happy to try him for breaking international law. We also remind the IGP that if they do not get off our backs we are more than happy to sue them.

The Summa Cum Laude Rogue Nation of Runaway Moose is proud to announce that although we are not in the top group of nations in international sports, we are now among the overeducated and underpaid.

Zach Williams of the IGP would like to remind the Belmore Family that this Alan Belmore's body will be shipped to Gilmeecia, under penalty of committing at least two crimes against humanity. Furthermore, the IGP is placing a bat embargo on the Belmore Family, to ensure that no compensation for this international criminal shall be given.
As The Belmore Family is not a member of the IGP we would remind Zach Williams TBF would be more than happy to try him for breaking international law. We also remind the IGP that if they do not get off our backs we are more than happy to sue them.

"Well, you see, since you can't really be a 'member' of IGP, seeing as it's a police force and not a union of nations, you have only further confused us, and we'd also like to see you try and sue us, we're in need of a good laugh, seeing as you have no grounds to do so."

-Zach Williams, Cheif of the IGP

SVECIA NOW OFFICIALLY DONE

Yes, it is sad but true. Svecia have lost their second round matchup against Lemmitania. Coming off a stunning win over Halfassedstates, Svecia had hopes of continuing their miracle tournament, but it was not to be as the Lemmitania striker put away a volley off a deflection by Svecian keeper Van Meer in the 12th minute of the first overtime period. Both teams played their hearts out, with a Lemmings goal in the 57th minute followed three minutes later with a Svecian strike by Francisco Carati. Coach Tim Sweers said after the match that he was happy Svecia had reestablished itself in the top 16 after falling below that mark for the first time since WC3. But he also stated he was pleased with the team's efforts considering how young and inexperienced the team as a whole is (only 2 members have played in the world cup before).

Zach Williams of the IGP would like to remind the Belmore Family that this Alan Belmore's body will be shipped to Gilmeecia, under penalty of committing at least two crimes against humanity. Furthermore, the IGP is placing a bat embargo on the Belmore Family, to ensure that no compensation for this international criminal shall be given.
As The Belmore Family is not a member of the IGP we would remind Zach Williams TBF would be more than happy to try him for breaking international law. We also remind the IGP that if they do not get off our backs we are more than happy to sue them.

"Well, you see, since you can't really be a 'member' of IGP, seeing as it's a police force and not a union of nations, you have only further confused us, and we'd also like to see you try and sue us, we're in need of a good laugh, seeing as you have no grounds to do so."

-Zach Williams, Cheif of the IGP
We are sure you are aware that you can be party to the IGP as you can be party to the ICC. It would be within our rights to sue you for unlawful arrest. We remind you it is not against international law outside the UN (such as we are) to use incorrect grammar. It is also accepted by The Belmore Family government that placing an embargo on us is unjust and unfair. If we hear more of your stupidity we are more than happy to see you in court.

-Alan Belmore, Prime Minister of The Belmore Family

The embargo is on bats only. Honestly, how often do bats come into your country? Unless you eat them. I wonder how'd they taste.. hmm..

-Zach Williams, Cheif of IGP

-Zach Williams, Cheif of IGP

:wink:

OOC: Crap! I knew I should've tried to sleep last night. Oh well.


IC:

Zach Williams Sent to Gilmeecia!

The Chief of the International Grammar Police, Zach Williams has been sent to Gilmeecia for his punishment, under the misuse of the word "Chief." This is a crime against humanity, and Williams received the same punishment as every single Alan Belmore in the world.

Williams will be replaced by the Belmorian Scott Hollingsworth as Chief of the IGP. He released the following statement:

"To the citizens of the world:

We at the IGP would like to remind you of a few things.

1) Do not commit a crime against humanity by misusing a word. If you do this, we have the power, under 19 different international organizations, to move you to the country of our choice, where you will recieve the proper punishment.

2) Zach Williams is now dead, however the Bat Embargo on my home nation, The Belmore Family, still stands, and the international and commonplace laws against the naming a child Alan Belmore are still in place.

3) I run a rigid force, like a catholic school without the incest. If any of you misuse a word, I will hunt you down and make you pay.

-Scott Hollingsworth (TBF), Chief of the IGP

2) Zach Williams is now dead, however the Bat Embargo on my home nation, The Belmore Family, still stands, and the international and commonplace laws against the naming a child Alan Belmore are still in place.
International Article Police Cracks Down On IGP Members
INTERNATIONAL CITY - Today, the International Article Police, headquartered in the International City of Paripana, has cracked down on members of the International Grammar Police for their blatent misuse of articles. The most notable crime against humanity took place earlier today when the new Chief of the IGP improperly used the article 'the' in a public statement. The IAP is very close to the arrest of Scott Hollingsworth and plans to punish him by forcing him to count every Boopsylvanian citizen throughout the world, followed by calculations to determine what percentage of Boopsylvanian citizens reside within the so-called 'borders' of Boopsylvania.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/antaeus_rising.jpg

World Cup 10 - Quarterfinals:
Giant Zucchini vs Antaeus Rising:
Post Match Report

Giant Zucchini got goals either side of half-time from Phoot and Kerrnigit to come from a goal behind and eliminate Antaeus Rising. The ex-champions move on to face the winner of Oglethorpia and Ariddia in the semi-finals.
Attacking midfielder Kerrnigit had an eventful match in the Antediluvian, setting up the first goal, scoring a remarkable second from a free-kick, and then being sent off just minutes later.

The two sides felt each other out for the lion’s share of the opening ten minutes. Prehistoric’s Phoot tried a speculative drive from just outside the box, but it came to nothing as both sides continued to sputter (6’).

Giant Zucchini did their best to surge into their trademark attacking counterattacking style, but Antaeus Rising were massed in huge banks at the back looking to hit out on the break. A Kerrnigit free kick from way out took a big deflection and skipped just wide of the Antaeus Rising post (14’).

A good bit of work between Urk and Kerrnigit at the edge of the box ended in a tricky shot from Urk, but the keeper was well down to keep the swerving right-footed shot out (19’).

But a bit of confusion at the Giant Zucchini back line gifted Antaeus Rising the match’s first goal. A long ball in was controlled poorly by Giant Zucchini defender Quk. The bouncing ball fell directly to the striker at the edge of the box and he marched in and finished well past a hapless Oog (0:1, 23’).

For the remainder of the half Giant Zucchini tried desperately to drag themselves back into the match, but it was Antaeus Rising who went closest to scoring as a looping header just barely skipped over the bar (31’).

And at the last Giant Zucchini hit back with a bit of absolute brilliance. A long, mazy run through midfield by Kerrnigit opened up the Antaeus Rising defence. A quick touch to Phoot in the box, and the striker hammered the ball into the corner of the net (1:1, 47’+).

Giant Zucchini hit out straight away after the break looking to go up on Antaeus Rising. And it didn’t take long as a devilish free kick from Kerrnigit from 28 yards looped in over the keeper’s head (1:2, 50’).

A goal down, it was up to Antaeus Rising to rally back, and a quick ball across the goal mouth nearly caught the Giant Zucchini defence in a nap (53’).

And in a rush of blood Antaeus Rising looked to have caught a break as Kerrnigit, the hero of the match for Giant Zucchini, was given his marching orders for a studs-up challenge on an Antaeus Rising fullback (57’). The Zucchini danger man pleaded his case to the official, but in the end left the pitch surely feeling hard done by.

That fullback hit out down the flank on a mission. A good turn inside the box from the fullback opened up some space for a shot. The try took a deflection and sailed over the bar, but Antaeus Rising were beginning to look a bit more dangerous on the attack (74’).

Despite being a man down, the Zucchinis kept possession and control through the meat of the second half. Antaeus Rising, with the responsibility of attacking on their shoulders, never looked quite up to the task as they went tumbling out of the finals.


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Phoot (47+), Kerrnigit (50)

Antaeus Rising - 1
(23)

Man of the Match: Phoot

ASNN - Star Gavin Fleury Dies in Hospital, Nation in Mourning
Kingsford releases new TLC jersey to be used in WCXI

GRAHAM CITY - Today, our nation is in mourning. Gavin Fleury, prennenial soccer star, captain of the Clans national team, and former army veteran died today in the hospital from injuries sustained in the final round robin game of the WCX. He was 31. Doctors say that the cause of death was unnoticed in first examinations. When he was flown in to GZ Memorial Hospital after the crash, he apparently had suffered spinal injuries unknown to anyone. Several spinal nerves had been damaged and had gone unoticed. As doctors began examining him, they continued to damage the nerves as they moved him around. Tonight, just after 9:00 PM, those damaged nerves snapped, cutting off the neural connection to his heart. He died several minutes later.

Many fans could be seen wearing Fleury jerseys and t-shirts, that have begun to be distributed free of charge at local sports emporiums and vendors. President-Elect Mark Graham, a self-proclaimed admirer of the soccer star, said he would bring up a motion in the Senate to have Fleury knighted. This honour has only ever been given to high ranking ministers and rulers of the ASLC. "Today, we have lost a hero. A symbol of our ascending power in the soccer world, and our recognition abroad. His death will mark a severe change in not only the soccer program, but our country as well," said the President-Elect in his speech today.

A public funeral will be held on Sunday Semptember 9th, two weeks from now. A private funeral will be held sometime in the next few days for close family and friends. He left behind a wife and two children.

TBF becomes party to IGP
TBF has become party to the IGP after Belmorian Scott Hollingsworth takes over. It is a surprise move after the bat embargos and child naming laws forced upon TBF by this organization. Alan Belmore said it was a "significant move towards world peace." The Daily Belmorian as of the 23rd of December is unaware of how joining a violent organization that sends people to The Hellmouth of Gilmeecia is a step towards world peace.

Scott Hollingsworth sends entire IAP to Gilmeecia for crimes against humanity
The IAP have been officially declared criminals after blatantly spelling the word "blatant" with an E instead of an A. This warrants the entire organization to be sent to The Hellmouth of Gilmeecia. The International Grammar Police has also sent 200 armed police men to International City to ensure no further misuse of the English language.

TBF has become party to the IGP after Belmorian Scott Hollingsworth takes over.
IAP Evades IGP Scrutiny, Cites Continuing Crimes Against Humanity
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The IAP, having been convicted by the IGP of the misuse of the word 'blatant', has filed charges against The Belmore Family, the nation first making the allegations, for a tense change in the middle of a sentence in a newspaper presumed to be The Daily Belmorian. PariMedia, the organization that was responsible for the error, has claimed that the IGP "makes arrests for crimes they commit themselves" and "does not take regional dialects of the language into consideration". A random sampling of Manhattanite texts has revealed that in over 87% of the instances where the word 'blatant' has been used, it has been spelled 'blatent'.

OOC: Look at the pitiful monster I created. I'm sorry everyone.

From this mornings Scuttlebutt

IAP/IGP
Declare Holiday
Reprieves/Pardons!

Thousands upon thousands of unintentional offenders reprieved and/or pardoned by the IAP and IGP in the spirit of the holidays flocked to the malls in a made dash to finish their holiday shopping in time for the immenent arrival of Santa Claus.

(of course, the editorial staff at Scuttlebutt spelled "imminent" incorrectly. eh...)

The Freedom Times - Evening Edition

ORD set for 3rd Placing Match, Rival Still Unknown

HYDER, ONE RED DOT - It was a day after several victories against higher ranked teams left the team hungry for more, but the moving team has been put to a stop after the 8th ranked Lemmings have put a stop to the Wolves victory rampage.

It was the Lemmings 2nd goal at the 82nd minute which prevented the match from going through to extra time after a deadlock 1-1 tie for the first 81 minutes.

The loss now lets the Red Dot team to remain in One Red Dot for the 3rd Placing match instead of Giant Zucchini for the qualifiers. Lemmitania will be making their way instead.

"Never have I felt so exhilerated despite losing the team losing a match, " says a Wolves fan. "The team has come this far and 3rd isn't really so bad after not qualifying for the second round six times."

Rankings for the eliminated nations and Provisional Rankings for the top 4:
[code:1:40dd5f48bb]
** Lemmitania (8) 6 5 1 0 10 5 +5 16 Qlf
** Giant Zucchini (7) 5 5 0 0 14 3 +11 15 Qlf
** One Red Dot (29) 6 4 1 1 14 9 +5 13 Qlf
** Ariddia (20) 5 4 1 0 8 3 +5 13 Qlf
05 Anataeus Rising (40) 5 4 0 1 12 8 +4 9 Eli
06 Kingsford (10) 5 4 0 2 9 6 +3 9 Eli
07 The Belmore Family (9) 5 4 0 1 6 4 +2 9 Eli
08 Oglethorpia (5) 5 4 0 1 7 6 +1 9 Eli
09 Audioslavia (18) 4 2 0 2 5 3 +2 6 Eli
10 Aquilla (27) 4 2 0 2 8 7 +1 6 Eli
11 Svecia (22) 4 2 0 2 5 5 0 6 Eli
12 Ravenspire (3) 4 1 2 1 7 7 0 5 Eli
13 Snub Nose 38 (6) 4 1 2 1 6 6 0 5 Eli
14 The Lowland Clans (43) 4 1 1 2 7 5 +2 4 Eli
15 Bedistan (4) 4 1 1 2 6 5 +1 4 Eli
16 Europa Britannia (1) 4 1 1 2 7 7 0 4 Eli
17 Oddslavo (21) 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4 Eli
18 Dark Outcasts (28) 3 1 1 1 2 2 0 4 Eli
19 Commerce Heights (23) 3 1 1 1 3 5 -2 4 Eli
20 Halfassedstates (19) 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3 Eli
21 Kaze Progressa (26) 3 1 0 2 5 7 -2 3 Eli
22 Dennisov (14) 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3 Eli
23 NASTIC 2 (60) 3 1 0 2 3 6 -3 3 Eli
24 Squornshelous (12) 3 1 0 2 2 5 -3 3 Eli
24 Nikea (31) 3 1 0 2 2 5 -3 3 Eli
26 Tanah Burung (24) 3 1 0 2 3 7 -4 3 Eli
27 Liverpool England (2) 3 0 2 1 2 4 -2 2 Eli
28 Gesamtkuntswerk (11) 3 0 2 1 4 7 -3 2 Eli
29 Runaway Moose (13) 3 0 2 1 1 4 -3 2 Eli
30 The Weegies (50) 3 0 1 2 2 5 -3 1 Eli
31 Total n Utter Insanity (29) 3 0 0 3 0 3 -3 0 Eli
32 Eauz (44) 3 0 0 3 1 9 -8 0 Eli
[/code:1:40dd5f48bb]

The GZ - Ariddia match is stil unknown at this point.

"Look at this fiasco. The dumb Belmorian went deaf and thought we were sending him two bats, then everyone in some place died because of bat embargoes and misspellings."

To the head honcho of TBF:

"You obviously didn't realize we pitched his body into the Shark Pit, where the sharks are bred to be 5 times as agressive as earth sharks. If they want his body back they have to:

1) Get to our planet
2) Get past the army
3) Get past the national guard
4) Get past an annoyed peasantry
5) Get past the sharks
6) Get past the dirt we dumped three days ago in the approximate place he was dropped into the water; this was three days after the sharks had picked the bones clean and eaten all the buttons on the shirt."

Giant Zucchini, on behalf of the WCC, would like to wish everybody a merry Christmas.

Liverpool England Football Headlines

Cannon: I'm retiring from International Football
Freddy Crewgar Application To play for LE rejected by LEIFC
Paul Dussis: I Want The National Team Job
Sir Jim Whites reportedly after Orean United managerial job
Paul Dussis Wants Assistant Managerial Job at Alan City
World Cup Winning Team Wish Everyone Merry Christmas, as well as Good Luck to the WCX Finalists

LEINN Breaking News
Headlines
Sir Jim Whites Appointed Manager of Orean United
LEIFC(OOC - LE's FA)Renamed CFALE
CFALE statement: Managerial Job Open for Application

JH: Hello, I'm Josh Hinar. This is a special edition of Sports Today. WC8 winning manager Jim Whites has been appointed manager of Orean United. Ex-coach Sam Jones was sacked after his team failed to make the quarterfinals of the Champions League, a feat which rivals Schimpol Bulldogs accomplished for the first time. Whites' first game is against Schimpol, we will bring you live coverage of that match. The Football Association has annnounced that the national job is now available after Caddy Cannon tendered his resignation today when he failed to get out of the group stages of the World Cup. Paul Dussis is said to be after the job. Dussis, who is 34, is expected to retire from playing after WCXI qualifiers. He is also, reputedly, after a non-playing position at Belmorian club Alan City. Dussis, who has hit three hat tricks for the club, including at least one in the Champions League, has been playing for the club since his L£19 million move from Orean, his late father's club. Freddy Crewgar, the HAS player who was granted dual-citizenship after WC8, has had an application to play for the national team turned down. Crewgar, who is expected by many to only play two more World Cups, is expected to appeal. His case will be heard by a tribunal on New YEar's Eve.

BRAZILLICO’S RP

*In progress at the Brazillico Women’s Chocolate Pudding Wrestling Championships. Two scantily clad, well-proportioned women stand in the pudding prepared to battle*

Announcer: To my left, in the white bikini, with a career record of 89-13-4, Carla Santiago!!

*Crowd goes wild*

Antonio Aguiar: She’s a crowd favorite!

Marco Quintana: She sure is.

Announcer: And to my right, sporting the sky blue one-piece, with a career record of 77-22-3, Rosa Barrera!!

*Crowd greets Barrera with a shower of boos!*

Antonio Aguiar: Not a crowd favourite.

Marco Quintana: I think she’s a little overdressed for the occasion.

*Bell Rings*

Aguiar: And we’re underway! Barrera tries to slap Santiago… oh! She missed! Santiago jumps upon Barrera and she’s going for the hair pull!

Quintana: Oh yes! She’s clamped on good!

Aguiar: Barrera falls to the ground, leaving both women to roll around in the pudding. *The predominantly male crowd goes nuts* Santiago maintains her death grip upon Barrera’s hair. She can’t take it anymore, she’s taping out!

*Referee lifts the pudding covered Santiago’s hand*

Quintana: Great technique on the hair pull. She grabbed it with two hands, pulled for her life, and got the submission win.

Aguiar: So Barrera will advance to the semi-finals, and we’ll be back in a second, after this commercial break and a sports update from back in Libertad.

*Camera cuts to a studio*
Sportscaster: Good evening ladies and gents, as always, I’m Robbie Torres, and lets get you up to speed with some of the sports action going on today. We start today with a friendly in The Belmore Family at Alan City, where despite the bat embargo placed upon the nation by the IGP, the Chili Bats waltzed into Alan City, for a friendly against the TBF nationals.

*Pan across the Brazillican national team, standing still for the national anthems*
[code:1:fbfc63f015]
GOALKEEPER
Salazar (1)

DEFENDERS
Palacio (2) Sorin (3) Batista (5) Valdez (6)

MIDFIELD
Aguiar (4) Francisco (9)

Filipo (15) Junior Socrates (8)

ATTACKERS
Jiminez(10) Pepe (11)[/code:1:fbfc63f015]

RT: Brazillico would be looking to build on the momentum of a strong finish in the Harmony Cup, while TBF would like to continue riding the high after a solid World Cup campaign. And it looks like we got a shocker on our hands thusfar.

*Wide shot of a free kick situation*
RT: 4th Minute, Brazillico threatening with a free kick from 20 yards out. Junior Socrates opts to take the kick which he thumps over the wall and curls it towards the far post. Edwards is well beaten, and its 1-0!

*Close up of Brazillico player out-positioning a defender to receive a pass*
RT: Contiuing pressure from Brazillico in the 17th Minute. Filipo receives the ball and streaks up the left flank. He whips a low cross into Pepe, who half-volleys past the keeper and off the crossbar. Pepe thinks it’s a goal and so does the goal judge, but the TBF players are surrounding with him, pleading to reverse the call. Let’s take another look at it.

*Shot along the back line which shows Pepe’s strike bounce just over the goal line, then bouncing over the net due to the massive amount of topspin on the net*

RT: As the replay shows, it’s a good call by the official and Brazillico is up on the mighty Belmore Family 2-0

*Wide shot of TBF pushing up the field*
RT: The Belmore Family puts a little energy in the crowd in the 26th Minute. Wellden scampers up the field and finds an open Alan Belmore who beats out the offside call. Salazar sprints out and challenges the TBF player, and is able to cut down the angle after Belmore blasts one right on him from point blank range.

*Close shot of Pepe jogging off the field*
RT: After that scare, Brazillico pulls out their striker Pepe, and puts in a defender, Durango, in the 31st minute to attempt to clamp down on any future attempt on the Brazillican net, and that strategy has been working with success, as Brazillico manages to hold a 2-0 lead over the home side at the half. We’ll get back to you with some highlights from the second half, but for now, lets return to the Brazillico Women’s Chocolate Pudding Wrestling Championships going on at Corsa Pasi as we speak.

MY RP

Now we will return to the second half highlights for the TBF Vs Brazillico Match!

*49th Minute*
Good tackle by Wickersham and he gets it up to Dunner, who takes it round Salazar, and gets it up to Alan Belmore on the left edge of the box, he fires a shot it and the keepers only able to punch it to Wellden on the right hand side now, whips in a cross, beaded away by Batista only to the foot of Alan Belmore who blasts it over the bar. What a waste of a great chance for TBF to claw one back against the famous double cup winners.

*54th Minute*
Valdez clears it down to Aguiar who takes it past Goshawk and gets into the Belmorian half. Played down the wing to Pepe but a good tackle by Wickersham gets the ball right down to field to Alan Belmore who has been nicely played onside by Sorin and Valdez. He’s one-on-one with the keeper Belmore on Salazar, taps it right, runs left with the ball though, GOAL! Alan Belmore blasts the ball into the back of the net in his last ever professional match to make it 2-1!

*61st Minute*
Dunner now, cheered on by the crowd, plays it across to Goshawk who knoks it on to Larry Wellden, first time shot…. Great save there by Salazar. But played out quickly to Sorin who gets it forward to Junior Socrates…threaded through to Jiminez who blasts the ball over the top for a Goal Kick.

*72nd Minute*
It’s Dunner, plays it back to Wickersham, now across to Alec Belmore. Belmore gets it down to Parkinson who lifts it high towards Goshawk on the other side. Halfway into their half now on the right as Goshawk tips it through to Wellden, crosses it for Belmore but it is headed away by Batista. Great defensive work their but TBF are still on a charge as Dunner collects it takes a shot but it goes madly wide.

*79th Minute*
Fred Parkinson, threads it through Wellden who plays it back to Dunner. Good midfield plays here. Dunner sees Alan as Valdez just steamrollers into Dunner conceding a free kick. Alan Belmore is to take, curls it towards Wellden, collected on the six yard box but the keeper smother the ball from under his, what a chance for TBF to equalize.

*83rd Minute*
Cleared away by Palico but lands with Parkinson, thinks about the shot but plays it into the centre with Dunner. He finds Goshawk on the right and Goshawk takes it to the corner, Valdez closes him down. Goshawk attempts a cross but it’s come off Valdez for a corner. Goshawk has taken it quick low into the box but cleared by Palico.

*Last Minute of stoppage time*
And there’s a real party atmosphere in the Stadium, it’s Christmas Day, it’s many of the team’s last international match. As Alex Dunner crosses the ball high into the box for his last time in Belmorian Football he’s made such a contribution to the sport as it goes onto the left side of the box with Alan Belmore who plays the ball in low and hard into the centre of the box, it takes a deflection off the refree and it’s in! What a freak goal to end Alan Belmore’s carrer, playing it into the box as it deflects off his foot and into the top left had corner of the goal! What Christmas Day surprise, it’ll be joy for Brazillico, coming back onto the scene and still performing well after 20 years of civil war and The Belmore Family, with the end of an era Alan Belmore, Laurence Wellden, Alex Dungate, Thomas Wickersham and Johnny Goshawk all retiring! The people that Belmorian football now have to leave, it’s a sad for TBF but Alex Dungate is now talking to Alan Belmore down on the pitch.

Alex: Wow, Alan, your last ever match, how does it feel?

Alan: It’s awesome! I have never had a better crowd and to finish my career like that is really special.

Alex: Talking of spectacular finishes, what did you think of Referee Ian Belmore’s goal?

Alan: It was great; I played it into the box, just hoping for a deflection but that it one of the greatest goals I’ve seen in a long time.

Alex: There are rumors that you’re going to become Manager of TBF, what do you say to that?

Alan: That’s an idea, never thought of that. In all seriousness I don’t know what the next few weeks have in store for me.

Alex: Anyway the national Anthem is about to play so I’m off

*National Anthem plays*

*Cut to Simon Dungate sitting in a sofa*

Simon: So that’s all from us have a great Christmas and We’ll be back in the New Year with World Cup 11 hosted by Total and Utter Insanity and Warnocks Wizards. Good Bye.

*Fade Back to Stadium where Oh Come all Ye Faithful plays…..
Come all ye Faithful…
Joyful and Triumphant
Oh come ye,
Oh come ye to Bethlehem,
Glory to God,
Heaven in the highest

Oh come let us adore him,
Oh come let us adore him,
Oh come let us adore him,
Christ the Lord.

*Fade to adverts*

*we are in "38 special" stadium. it is night, but the lights are not on. the stands are empty, except for one area, where we find the minister of athletics, olympics and alcholic beverages - someone known only as "margaret" - the minister of super secret sleuthery (we think) - ben and eileen dover - justin case - anita brake - beverly - the 22 members of the snub nose 38 hooligans - the 22 members of the snub nose 38 hooligan cheer leaders - and various other ministers and minions who have come to bother us over the course of a number of world cup tournaments. each is holding a single lighted white candle. we hear*


We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!

Good tidings to you
and a cup of good cheer!
We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!

that's non-alcoholic cheer for the younger of you!

FLASHBACK:

“Wahd gets it, passes back down to Karel. Karel to N’tula, who tries to shoot from here… It’s in! A long shot, but it’s in! Ariddia opens the score…That’ll be a corner kick for Giant Zucchini. Kerrnigit curling it in and…Sylvain clears it with his head. There’s no one to get it, though, and Urk has it, shoots…That’s the equaliser…Kerrnigit with the free kick from the left flank…it’s headed in by Phoot, 2-1 Giant Zucchini…Urk with a smashing run down the middle, he’s gotten clear of the defence, now only the keeper to beat…a sublime curler into the bottom right corner, Giant Zucchini 3, Ariddia 1…”
- World Cup 9 Group F

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/giant_zucchini.jpg VS http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/ariddia.jpg

World Cup 10 - Semi-Finals:
Giant Zucchini vs Ariddia:
Post Match Report

Giant Zucchini’s Kerrnigit scored two goals, the second being the deciding goal that knocked out Ariddia in their semi-final meeting at the Prowler Stadium in Giant Zucchini. The dramatic goal sends Giant Zucchini to the quarter-finals, where they will face Lemmitania.

Kerrnigit first equalised for Giant Zucchini in the first half after Aurélien Clair had opened the scoring for Ariddia. Giant Zucchini maintained possession well throughout the match and were led in the attack by Urk, who managed good creative work. Ariddia’s Aurélien Clair, meanwhile, scored a goal but had trouble finding chances.

Ariddia started the brighter and a well-struck shot from 25 yards from Jules Andes tested early on (3’).

A minute later and Ariddia almost went ahead with a well-worked free kick. The ball was spread out right to Wn Wahd in oceans of space. The defender bore down on goal unchallenged before hitting an accurate right-foot shot which was superbly saved by Oog’s outstretched boot. Rod Schwarzwald put the rebound well wide from close in (4’).

Giant Zucchini’s responded well as Aargh sent Phoot clear with a clipped pass over the Ariddian defence but the Prehistoric forward lifted his shot inches over the bar (9’)

But the Ariddians’ pressure paid off when a left wing corner was headed in by Aurélien Clair. The striker was left completely unmarked in the area and notched the first goal of the game (1:0, 11’)

Urk, playing his heart out, was close on two occasions to bring Giant Zucchini back level. First, he almost brought a penalty after a mazy run and then his left-foot shot was turned in by Poom only to see the linesman raise the flag for offside (26’).

Despite the decisions, the Zucchinis surged forward in wave after wave of attack. The pressure finally paid off when Urk’s flick on was chested down by Kerrnigit and the midfielder turned and buried a right-foot shot into the corner of David al-Jibai’s goal (1:1, 37').

As the half drew to a close, Ariddia almost snatched the lead back but Ranjit Khan’s accurate free-kick was well saved by Oog diving to his left (42’).

Ariddia hit out right at the start of the second half looking to catch the Zucchinis cold. Ranjit Khan surged in straight from the kick off to fire a clean shot from just outside the box. Oog bobbled a bit, but managed to clean up the danger in the end (46’).

Ariddia were surely not sitting back as they had in the first, and they nearly put their noses in front with a good volley from Tiffany Edge from just inside the box. Oog was up to the task, but only just (52’).

The Ariddians nearly pulled in front again as Edge headed down to Ranjit Khan inside the box. The brilliant move came to nothing though as the midfielder’s rocket of a volley sailed well wide of the post (57’).

Giant Zucchini nearly hit back on their own as Quk pulled back to Phoot, but the striker never quite got a good touch on the ball (59’).

The Zucchinis never quite found the blistering rhythm that defined their first half, but went close with an Urk free kick from just outside the box (68’).

And Ariddia nearly went ahead yet again as Clair laid the ball off to Abel Bond, but he could only rifle a wicked shot well over Oog’s crossbar (72’).

In the final quarter hour it was Giant Zucchini that put on most of the heat, but Bjørn Reath nearly grabbed the vital goal for Ariddia as he cut into the box and only just failed to beat Oog to his near post (80’).

The final ten minutes began with some early pressure from Giant Zucchini, as Phoot fired a shot over (82’). A quick volley of Ariddian attacks proved mere prelude as Gung’s rocket dangerously soared over Al-Jibai's crossbar (83’).

Ariddia nearly sealed the deal as Clair’s beautiful chipped pass found Ranjit Khan in the box. A quick turn and a good shot had Oog beaten, but could only splatter against the post (85’).

Urk’s brilliance nearly turned the match as he put the ball between Yves Sylvain’s legs at the edge of the box and slipped in cleanly on goal. In the end, his hard left-footed drive slipped just wide of Al-Jibai’s post (88’).

And the crucial goal came on the end of a stunning bit of genius from the Zucchinis. A lovely back heel from Phoot found Kerrnigit, and after a quick cut, the winger fired his shot off the inside of Al-Jibai’s post to send an entire nation in ecstasy (1:2, 94’+)


Final score:

Giant Zucchini - 2
Kerrnigit (37, 94+)

Ariddia - 1
Clair (11)

Man of the Match: Kerrnigit