NationStates Jolt Archive

From the journals of Bi Kikere:

Crocodiles v Canadian Power Trip

This "power trip" has been sputtering on empty for some time now. Their coach, a Mr. Lloyd Axworthy, boasts of his team's "soft power." Pretty soft stuff indeed. They've only managed one goal so far. And meanwhile, we have five unanswered goals against the group minnows since our last real competition against The Lowland Clans.

So i thought, why change a winning formula? Rosa Bibere made a few nice runs, often with one hand tied behind her back, and shot the ball through the legs of a couple of Canadian Power Tripping defenders. These people seem unable to stand up off the ice, and trip quite a bit. But i shouldn't be too harsh. Our ice hockey team is just about as bad as these maple-stained bozos are at football. And who knows: maybe a good coach could do something with Canadian Power Trip. Hmm, i wonder. No, i'm probably too busy, what with coaching the Crocs and now running for a seat in government.

Yeah, that's right. I've decided to run. If elected, i think the first thing i'll do is start re-broadcasting PariMedia broadcasts without permission. That'll show those Commercial High-and-Mighties. Gotta say, i'm itching to kick some sand in their faces again at this Cup. And it looks like they'll be there.

So anyways, the CPT match. Rosa ran rings round the rosy-cheeked Canuckleheads. And passed it on to Taur Matan Ruak once and Yosepha Syahrir twice for goals. 3-0 for us. So we're now tied for the group lead with The Lowland Clans, with a two-point edge on the Lemmings. Now that's a rematch i'll enjoy.

Manela's getting awfully cranky in the happy-happy joy-joy interrogation facility, they tell me. I wonder if it's time for a personal visit?

OOC: Good that's somebody's reading my stories. The forum deleted a quite good reply to the first game, so this will be a bit short. Sorry.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street Celebrate as Endless Loss Streak is Broken
Snub Nose 38's Efforts to Get us Mountain are In Vain

And who would have thought it. OK, the loss streak had to end sometime, but in what a way to do it. In front of a half-filled national stadium - the others sat at home demonstratively - the national team redeemed themselves in style.

OK, so it was an even match. Jorn Axewielder, our substitute keeper, had some excellent saves in the first half, and especially that diving save after a long shot from 25 metres when he just fisted the ball outside the post is going to be a classic in Cockbill Street football history.

The second half is going into that book too. We dominated the midfield, when the East Spaam players gained the ball we quickly tackled and won the ball back, and the official possession statistic said 74 %. Therefore, it was only deserved when Harald Axewielder, younger brother of the aforementioned goalkeeper, dribbled off three East Spaam defenders and found himself alone on the right wing. He then crossed the ball onto the huge head of Tungsten-carbide, who lashed a thunderous bludgeon of a header right into the top corner, and made it 1-0 completely unsavable for the keeper.

The C-mail now sees it difficult, but not impossible, to reach fourth place in the group. According to the official tables released by One Red Dot and corrected by Snub Nose 38 today, Cockbill Street are only two points behind fourth-placed Evisceratomatoes. We must aim high to succeed, and although qualification is beyond us, fourth place and a solid ranking position certainly isn't.

Snub Nose 38 must also cancel the search for a mountain. The 160 million people of Cockbill Street were seen dancing in it today, celebrating the first national win in months, and certainly do not need a mountain. But thanks for the offer.

Finally, the C-mail would like to apologise for the poor coverage of the last match. Not only did we say that it was the sixth loss in a row - which must have confused people who read the table, where it clearly stated that Cockbill Street had lost five games. And Chris Brashear did play the match, we just chose to ignore him. His rating was, after careful consideration, a 3.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 6 - Harmison 5, Carboniferous 5, Golddevourer 4 - Calcite 5, Olsen 6, Lehrer 5, H Axewielder 7 - Tungsten-carbide 6, Quier 4, Beaver 5 (Brashear 5).

[code:1:175f30a097]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
3 Arridia (20) 7 6 0 1 16 6 10 18
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 8 5 1 2 13 5 8 16
9 The Weegies (50) 7 5 1 1 10 6 4 16
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 7 2 2 3 4 6 -2 8
4 East Spaam (33) 7 2 1 4 6 7 -1 7
6 Sensual Products (63) 7 2 1 4 8 11 -3 7
5 A nation 7 2 1 4 4 8 -4 7
2 Larkinia 7 1 3 3 4 10 -6 6
8 Cockbill Street 7 2 0 5 2 8 -6 6 [/code:1:175f30a097]

The next home match against 7th-placed A nation is a key one, and a victory here could see us all the way into fifth place - yes, even, in very strange hypotheses, we could go into fourth (that depends on a draw between Evisceratomatoes and East Spaam, plus that we win by four goals or more).

(OOC: Thanks for letting me allow another goal... ;) )
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Take Down Kravoli for Fifth Straight Road Game Without A Loss
KRAVOLI - While Vojtilo didn't manage another 0-goal-allowed game, he did manage to hold Kravoli to only 1 goal. Quigley and Deppiesse each scored a goal late in the first half, bringing the score to 2-0. Kravoli managed their only goal in a late attempt to save the draw, but they failed.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 39, Deppiesse 44)
(81) Kravoli 1 - FT
The three points earned back the top spot in the group, as Liverpool England did not play:
[code:1:1d37406d82]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 7 6 1 0 14 3 +11 19
Liverpool England (2) 7 5 1 1 13 3 +10 16
Akbarland (51) 8 3 4 1 12 10 +2 13
Morawny (58) 7 3 2 2 8 5 +3 11
Halfassedstates (19) 7 3 2 2 10 8 +2 11
Kravoli (81) 7 1 3 3 7 8 -1 6
EL CID THE HERO 7 1 2 4 3 11 -8 5
Pavesia 7 1 1 5 6 14 -8 4
The Arrivian Alliance 7 0 2 5 4 15 -11 2[/code:1:1d37406d82]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:1d37406d82] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 47 10 13 17 7
Wins 25 3 6 10 6
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.8 62.6 81.7 69.3 86.1
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.7 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +19 -3 +5 +6 +11
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:1d37406d82]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:1d37406d82]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 7 4 0.57
C. Deppiesse 7 4 0.57
J. Cahalane 7 3 0.43
K. DeGraffenreid 7 1 0.14
K. Decker 7 1 0.14
F. Wallace 7 1 0.14

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 7 3 0.43

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 47 24 0.51
C. Deppiesse..** 24 9 0.38
J. Cahalane**** 46 13 0.28
K. Decker**** 47 12 0.26
M. McCormick.^^^ 9 2 0.22
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 26 5 0.19
K. DeGraffenreid...* 7 1 0.14
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 46 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 40 47 1.18
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:1d37406d82]

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 7

The Nastic national team gained a creditable away draw with Rejistania 1-1
who many in Nastic felt would be just to good for the Nastic nation.

Our next game will be the re-newing of our aquaintance with the nation of Haraki who were in our qualifying group for world cup IX and whom we drew 1 and lost 1 against, But after their 4-0 demolition of Nikea we are fearful for our fate.

Qualifying Group 5:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic 2-1 Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic 1-1 Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic 0-2 Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki v Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj v Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala v Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea v Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:de65eaff68]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

Group 5 P W D L F A Pts
Oglethorpia (5) 7 6 0 1 19 4 18
Nikea (31) 7 5 1 1 10 5 16
NASTIC 2 (60) 7 3 3 1 9 6 12
Rejistania (38) 7 3 3 1 12 12 12
Haraki (15) 7 3 2 2 13 7 11
Senoj 7 2 1 4 3 12 7
SPARTEN 7 2 0 5 3 9 6
Irrevilentsdom 7 1 2 4 3 8 5
Grigala 8 1 0 7 4 13 3
[/code:1:de65eaff68]

W
T
F
Stupid
Bloomin
Forums
Stupid
Double
Posting
When
Ya
Only
Submit
Once
!!!!!!!!

Sowhatsville News

Bundy double kills off El Cid

Having enjoyed the rest day on matchday 7, the Halfassed side travelled to the land El Cid the Hero hoping to continue their away day glory.
A James Milton goal after just 3 minutes seemed to have set Halfassed on their way, but after 36 minutes, Ryan Empty was caught dwelling on the ball, and the El Cid striker rounded the unlucky Jennung to score the first goal against the young keeper.

El Cid held out until half-time, leaving Smith to ponder what changes he should make to the side. Perhaps surprisingly, he opted to take off Gunnett and bring on Ward, reverting to a 4-4-2 formation. This allowed Bundy and Lecter to push out onto the wings more. It turned out to be an inspired move by the manager, Bundy immediatly started to 'terrorise' the El Cid left back.

After 70 minutes, Bundy eventually broke the deadlock, and El Cid fans hearts. A quick dart inside the full-back allowed Bundy to play a 1-2 with Crewgar and he blasted the ball into the back of the net!
8 minutes later, Bundy struck again. This time it was a cross from Lecter that Bundy met at the back post and headed past the stranded keeper.

The win keeps Halfassed in touch with the top teams in the group, 2 points behind Akbarland who hold the third qualification spot at the moment.
Next up - Liverpool England.

VH2 Presents:

Behind the Country: A look at The Belmore Family

http://www.arrl.org/sections/maps/WV.gif

For centuries, the Belmorian Counties have sat without contact from the rest of the world, perched in the appalachian mountains. But only recently, has athletic director Alan Belmore expanded outwards.

http://www.gramex.com/assets/images/redneck.gif
Athletics Director Alan Belmore

"I was a thunkin that a peepol mite lut us bee on sum counsells or ko-meeties if wes a joinud up sume sports er sumethenn.

So Iza callud ump mer perzudunt, Alan Belmore, and heda taukud tu mer."

http://www.gramex.com/assets/images/redneck.gif
President Alan Belmore

"Yearh, I gets a cull formm de budeie Alan sayun tat we neades a sperts teem. I sed yes, erf cerze."

http://www.gramex.com/assets/images/redneck.gif
Star Striker Alan Belmore

"Who dat? Who derr?"

So there you have it, Alan Belmore, Alan Belmore, and Alan Belmore on the history of Belmorian football.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TBF have gone down to third after their rest game, we do however hope to pick up the pace. This is what the head coach had to say
http://www.xstitch2000.freeserve.co.uk/portraits/mrs%2520evans/old%2520man%2520original_rez.jpg
"We are strong belivers that we will get into the finals and we hope to get in and explore ORD and GZ!"

Even the Prime Minister has taken an intrest in the cup-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/reports/politics/images/charles_kennedy220.jpg
"Well I give my full support to the team" he said in a resent conference.

Alan Belmore(Star Stiker) was very confident
http://www.soccernet.com/images/england/010505/s_strachan_i.jpg
"Yes, we have a definate first place. I assure you we will have no more losses"he said earlier today.
OOC:Kingsford-Map of TBF
http://www.abelmore.com/nationshape.GIF

some lolworthy stuff

ooc: brilliant :D

ic:

*A hotel room in Snub Nose 38, where the Audioslavian team is taking a much-needed break. Lee Branson, Audioslavia's inspirational captain, is slumped on the edge of a bed drooling and snoring. Justin Smith, a reserve, is slumped on the other side of the bed and is doing much the same thing. The team's bus-cleaner, Marvin Gardens, has diarohhea (sp?) and is therefore crouched over the toilet seat making nasty nasty nasty noises. Suddenly, the phone rings.*

Lee: uuhh, fuuh... huh... whu?

Phone: ring ring, ring ring

Lee: askdbf whu fuh?

Phone: ring ring, ring ring

Lee: Jus.. jizz, justin, stop pushing that bell

Phone: ring ring, ring ring

Justin: fuh? wuh?

Lee: i said sstop runing that bell

Phone: ring ring, ring ring

Justin: its the phone. its probably the boss again, something about that mountain you were scared of.

Phone: ring ring, ring ring

Lee: aw shit, im gonna answer it and tell him its ok so i can go back to bed *lee gets up, throws beer all over his face to wake himself up, and answers the phone, it is Lemmitania's hellmouth-moving agency on the other side*

- hello?
- ******
- yeah the mountain yeah... boss you sound funny.... your accents changed
- *********
- ok ok, the mountain, yeah
- ******
- you cant move it? what 'big thing movement equiptment?'
- ********
- swallowed by a what?
- *******
- applemouth?
- *..
- werent they a grunge band?
- *******
- aw yeah, that was the lemonheads
- ***
- so you cant move mountains because Evan Dando ate your toolbox?
-***********************************
-***********************************
-***********************************
- well theres no need to be like that
- *********
- hellmouth, right, so your stuff is in hell, and therefore you cant get it back?
- ***
- right, but i thought i was supposed to be moving it? thats what you said before yeah?
- *******
- well i can try, dont worry boss, everything will be under control when i wake up
- *****
- yes i was asleep
- *********************
- nothing, i was just drinking tea and having a biscuit, watching the news. yes. thats what i was doing
- *****
- i dont know, why would you care about what im doing
- *******
- ok ok, so you want me to move a mountain
- ***
- which one?
- *******
- so i get to choose?
- *********
- as long as its in snub nose, right, gotcha. theres one outside my window, i'll move it later
- ************
- who's he?and why did he say we had to move it now
- *****
- whos he? i dont know anyone from snub nose
- ******
- ok yeah it doesnt matter, but i really dont wanna move it right now
- *******
- you'll give me how much?
- **
- five quid? sweet
- ****
- right, i'll do it, back in a sec
- ***
- bye boss

Justin: why does the boss want you to move a mountain?

Lee: its proabbly another team-building exersise

Justin: if it was a team-building exersise than everyone should do it, plus, i doubt you could lift a whole mountain on your own, youve got a bad leg remember

Lee: right, lets go round and wake everyone up and tell them to help. dont get the boss though, he'll see that were drunk, i dont think he realised it on the phone

Justin: k, meet you by that mountain in quarter of an hour

Lee: aright mate.

to be continued....

OOC: WARNING: Old jokes and much rejistanian inside this posting. I simply could not resist making some fun of NASTIC 2.

IC:
Location: Inside the building of the KaMaRi Update rejistanian edition, in the room, where the sport reporters work to be exact. Posters of famous rejistanian sportsmen like Laxtu Takil (now retired midfielder), Xkara Gili (speedway driver) and Xatri Y (field hockey international) are everywhere on the walls. Three reporters are sitting around one computer, where the article about the match against NASTIC 2 waits for further editing.

Jase: I am nearly finished. Good match, SyLy scores again, Susu'he plays terrible and Hexen'he only average. But this han-hi-len-ly last line! I don't know how to write it!
Sime: You mean the results?
Jase: Yes. The team is NASTIC 2, but I can't write down NASTIC 2 1, looks like NASTIC 21.
Ihid: Many people asked us because this last time we played them and there we wrote that it's NOT a 20.
Sime: This han-hi-len-ly people, who only look at the last lines!
Jase: Gila~e, I have to write for them!
Ihid: NASTIC 2'he'ny 1? (NASTIC the second 1)
Sime: They are not second! At least not in the table.
Ihid: NASTIC (2)?
Sime: That is inconsistent, we don't put the number in brackets when writing about the low leagues.
Ihid: Then, what do you think?
Sime: Hmmm...
Ihid: You don't know any better yourself.
Jase: What about... NASTIC xi? ('xi' means '2')
Sime: NASTIC and then xi as a word and 1 as a number?
Jase: Yes!
Sime: You can't misunderstand that.


Rejistania 1 (Lyku 63rd)
NASTIC xi 1 (someone 12th)

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 6
Su: 3
Linkosa: 1

The USAnian information minister George W. Bush speaks live on CNN (communist news network):

Comrades,

This day is a great day for our proud socialist nation. Today our soccer world Cup team has scored his first goal. I mean, his first goal against their opponent! It was a great match because it was against these Brits again, this time against those Brits who are ranked first in the world. We archieved a goal against the current world-champion! Those Brits, who tried to confuse us by being in this group twice, hadn't one single chance against us! Look at this beatiful goal (the scene is shown, Ian Smith scores merely by chance, he seems to be surprised ihmself), only the superiority of our ideology could allow us to outsmart those Brits like that, even if we have to face them four times in the qualification! To celebrate this great day for our nation, the government grants every citizen one additional slice of bread.

Thanks for your attention. Hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx

*we are in the press briefing room of the ministry of justice and real estate. there's a nice buffet laid out in the back of the room, and that's where we intend to stay. the meatballs in tomato sauce are excellent, and they have a nice selection of cheeses. as we begin making ourselves a second plate, the minister of justice and real estate comes through the door at the front of the room, and heads directly for the podium*

Ladies, Gentlemen, Sentient Vegetables, Sentient Non-Human Species...well, all of you. I have a brief statement to make, and there will be no questions.

The Ministry of Justice and Real Estate, representing the People and Senate of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, have been heavily involved in recent days in what could only be described as one of the biggest real estate deals ever. But, as is sometimes the case, the deal fell through. It wasn't for lack of trying - no, we had some of our best people on it - Virginia Hamm over in Justice, and Marc Garter...

(the minister reaches up and touches the little earpiece in his left ear. then)

...er - Marvin Gardens, over in Real Estate, have been our leads on this project, and they've done a bang up job.

We made contact with the government of Cockbill Street and they were on board, and were making some real progress, working with some fine people in Lemmitania working out the details of moving that useless northern mountain range of ours over to Cockbill Street.

And then - the Cockbill Street national football side won a qualifying match. And suddenly, they're just not interested anymore. Something about not having to hide their entire population in shame, or some such.

So, the bottom line on this one is - the deal's off. If any of you know of anyone in the market for a slightly used mountain range, good condition, only one owner, please get in touch with Merv over in Real Estate.

*the minister nods to the gathered reporters, who are gathered around the buffet table and don't notice him at all. he grimaces, and leaves by the door he came in through. we pick up another piece of cold chicken, and look around for the salt.*

Team removed from cup qualification

The young team from New Montreal States has been yanked from the world cup "so as to avoid further injuries in a futile cause".

Since the nation itself cannot leave the cup qualifiers whilst they are under way, the top 10 high school soccer teams from across the nation will compete instead in each of the 10 remaining matches.

Although this appears to be sheer lunacy there is some method to the madness, according to IPA (Ice Paladin Association) Spokeswoman Julie Labrique.

"Local teams competing instead of our inept and shameful national bad joke would do more towards boosting the popularity of soccer here than we are doing now."

Also, she said, "The nucleus of our future teams is these students of today. With luck some of them might stand out and bond so that we can get a stronger, more together team for WC11."

The current team will not disband but will still practice together and might enter one or two tournaments for the teams that fail to qualify for WCX.

Reserve midfielder Morris Cuthbert, speaking for the team, stated that: "Yes, we are disappointed by this move. But we must admit that our standards of play have not been up to the level expected of us, however low that level might have been. We will just have to work harder to keep our spots. We wish only the best of luck to our young high schoolers as they prepare for the tough matches that lie ahead of them.

For tomorrow's game against Oilermania a co-op of New Antioch Central, New Antioch St. Johns, and New Antioch Bellevue will take the field.

OOC: What if you do qualify for the cup? :lol:

OOC: What if you do qualify for the cup? :lol:

Extremely not likely. But if the impossible decides to occur I'll just piece together the best high school students to form the team...

oops- silly multiple posts

oops- silly multiple posts

Argh! I can't believe I missed the start of the World Cup. Not only that, but we're doign so well with victories over ranked teams Lord Squall and a tie with #4 Bedistan. Unfortunately, some nasty games to come.

SI

[b]World Cup Watch

Ray McHale: Hello folks. The mood here on World Cup Watch is a sombre one, for we're missing one of our own out there on the hard streets of Oglethorpia.

Mike White: Who, Ray?

Ray: Our good friend and ex-Wonderteam defender Bruce Corwin.

Bruce Corwin: I'm right here, Ray.

Ray: Oh! Hey, Bruce. Glad to have you on the show.

Mike: He's on a two year contract.

Ray: For what?

Mike: For this show. He's been added as an in-box analyst.

Ray: Da- I mean, great! Glad to have you on board then, Bruce.

Bruce: Glad to be here.

Mike: With that out of the way, let's go to Dennis Day on the field; as matchday seven has concluded, Oglethorpia winning it's match vs. newcomers Grigala.

Dennis Day: Hey Mike. The Wonderteam's come away from Grigala with a 3-nil win and i've got one of the Grigalan strikers here with me. Boris, how do you think the match went today?

Boris: I tink ve could haf done a better job, but 'tis okay, ja. Ve haf one more match wit ze Vonderteam to play, ja. And zen, ve vill vin!

Ray: Hold up, Dennis. That's not one of the Grigalan players.

Dennis: It isn't?

Ray: No. It's Mike, the camera man. With a cheap Russian cap on. And that wasn't even a Russian accent.

Dennis: It wasn't?

Ray: No. It was German.

Dennis: Oh. (Quietly) We tried, Mik- erm, Boris. (Louder) Well, that was Boris everyone! We'll see him in a few weeks when the Wonderteam faces Grigala again, except this time at home.

Mike: So, the Wonderteam came back off their loss to Nikea pretty well, i'd say.

Bruce: Oh, definitely. Torrence Black; after a couple of disappointing tries that ended in failure vs. the Pandas came back magnificently in this game.

Ray: That's right, Torrence with a goal in the 23rd minute followed up by Kirk Calhoun in the 34th.

Bruce: For the oldest player on the team, Calhoun's playing a pretty good game of football out there for the Wonderteam.

Mike: You gotta give props to Fernando Green, though-

Bruce: Fernando -- my props to you, man. Cheers.

Mike: Uh- yeah. He closed out the match with a header in the 81st. Way to use your head, Fernando.

Ray: Mike.

Mike: Yeah?

Ray: That sucked.

Mike: Not as much as you think.

Bruce: I'm not so sure, Mike. I'm going to have to go with Ray on this one.

Ray: Yeah. Let's stop with the wise cracks. Or the station heads will break our backs.

Mike: HA! You're a poet, but you didn't even know it.

(A Bureaucratic Broadcasting Network goonie comes on screen and punches his fist into his open hand; then leaves.)

Ray: See? I wasn't kidding.

Bruce: Anyways, the Wonderteam's set to face Senoj; who I predict will be beaten by the Wonderteam, the match ending 4-nil.

Mike: Way to be behind the times, Bruce.

Ray: Yeah. That match has already happened.

Dennis: Then why am I still in Grigala?

Ray: We wanted to see what you'd do.

Mike: Like fabricate an interview with a player from the Grigalan national side.

Dennis: That guy was a real Grigalan player. Honest.

Mike: Sure.

Dennis: I'll show you.

Mike: I bet you will.

Ray: Enough of that.

Dennis: You too!

Ray: Me too what?

Dennis: I'll show the lot of you. You'll see. You'll all see!

Ray: I'm sure we will, since we're out of time. Good night folks, and read the paper if you want to know about the Wonderteam-Senoj match. For Mike White, Bruce Corwin and Dennis Day in the field, i'm Ray McHale; 'night, all you football fans.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Lions Hire Offensive Coach

DENNIS -- After another embarrassing home loss, this time 2-0 to Dark Outcasts, the higher-ups at the Department of Sports and Games have decided that it's time for the national football side to have an offensive coach.

"Barber's doing okay out there," says Secretary Jim Parker, "but I'm really thinking he could use some help. Only six goals in seven matches? It's no wonder we're doing so pitifully."

Superstar Bedistani forward from World Cups 5 through 8 Johnny Lewis, who scored 33 goals in 52 international appearances, has been named to the position. "It's good to be back with the team again," he says.

The loss sends the Lions spiraling further downward, now to fifth place in Group 7. It is rumored that coaches Barber and Lewis are intensely studying Timway matches, in an attempt to learn how to avoid the fate that nation's team was befallen by in World Cup 9, causing them to fall from 5th in the world to 41st after failing to qualify.

The next match is away at Kerla. Since all three of the Lions' wins to date have been against unranked teams, and all unranked teams so far have been beaten, we are expected to win this match.

------------

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Dark Outcasts 2

Thomas Award points: None awarded by order of Dept. of Sports and Games

WC10 qualifying so far:
Matchday 1: Bye
Matchday 2: vs. Kamakaza W 3-0
Matchday 3: @ SterlingIce (61) D 0-0
Matchday 4: @ New Montreal States W 1-0
Matchday 5: vs. Oilermania W 1-0
Matchday 6: @ LordSquall (47) D 1-1
Matchday 7: vs. Dennisov (14) L 0-1
Matchday 8: vs. Dark Outcasts [28] L 0-2
Overall record: 3-2-2, 5th place in Group 7

The Royal and Gold Army
A Kingsford Today special on The fans of the Kingsford National

When you think of football fans, you think of fair weather fans. If a team does well, many supporters come out, but when a team does poorly, the fans don't come out as much. That's not the case for the Kingsford National. The Royal and Gold Army, as dubbed by Gabe Banners, is tens of thousands strong for any game. A record was set in National Stadium, Kingsford City, where the Kingsford National took on Bubsy at home in World Cup 7 Qualification. Out of the 98,000 seats, 93,000 were of the Royal and Gold army.

http://www.angelfire.com/ms/stan/Crowd.jpg
A group of the Royal and Gold Army, versus Bedistan in the first round of the World Cup.

The Royal and Gold Army has followed the national through thick and thin, and have been described as some of the most devout and intimidating fans in the world. Kingsford's Rival ex player, Phillip Bjorn of Oglethorpia, said "It's darn near impossible to block them out. Every move, every play, it's like it's the last minute of the game to them. It's amazing."

http://www.k-state.com/Athletics/img/Football%20crowd.jpg
The Royal and Gold Army has followed Kingsford back to when it was the Kingsford Royal Lions, in World Cups 3 and 4.

Kingsford coach Renson Davis said "It's great, having all those people there, cheering the whole time. It's like, the whole nation is watching, holding there breath on every pass, every play, it's wonderful." One thing's for certain, even if the National don't qualify, every game will be a sellout.

http://espn-i.starwave.com/media/nfl/2001/1016/photo/vikings2_i.jpg

OOC: TBF, Gordon Strachan? ;)

Despite a valiant effort and some money to Margaret, the Eagles only managed a draw against unranked Ianisle. The game kinda went like thi >pop!< >crakkkklfizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<

K>pop!<R is und>cccccrrakkkkk< cast prob >fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz< ought >pop!< back o >crkrkrkrkr< nday >crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr<

“Please, gentlemen, I’ll have time to answer all of your questions! If you persist in this feeding-frenzy behavior, however, I’ll not answer any!” exclaimed Coach Lord Riveran of the IanSisle Ians, waving his hands. Slowly, the ravenous pack of IanCorp reporters died down, backing away from the platform and resuming their seats. “Thank you. Now, you sir.” He selected an eager young reporter who was waving his pencil in the air.

“Jacob Hinters, IanCorp Wireservices. Thank you, Lord Riveran,” he said, standing. “Now, many expected the Ians to lose today, playing against one of the top-ranked teams in the Group...” He hadn’t quite brought the question to a point when Riveran nodded and cut in.

“That’s quite correct, Mr. Hinters. This squad has not yet failed to impress me. I know we weren’t that highly rated coming into the World Cup...well, let’s face it: we weren’t expected to even win a single match. However, we’ve beaten two respectable teams, and drawn with the two teams that were most highly rated coming into the start of qualification. All in all, I’m very pleased with the team’s effort so far.”

“But that wasn’t...” Mr. Hinters started to say, but he had already been dismissed. Riveran pointed at another reporter.

“Thank you, my lord. Jamie Peters, Ianapalis Star-Tribune. Leonard Flaherty scored his fourth goal today to force the draw, but there have been rumors of conflict between him and defenseman Conrad Brandt. Are these rumors substantiated, and if so, what do you see as being the ramifications for the Ians in the long run?”

“Mr. Peters, I can assure you and the entire crowd here that those rumors are without merit or basis in fact. Conrad and Leonard are my go-to guys, and I’m sure that I would know of any strife between the two.” Riveran’s response had the definite traits of a pre-determined speech, not a natural response.

“But what about that radio interview, sir, where Mr. Flaherty used a racial slur in refernce to Mr. Brandt?” persisted Peters, cocking his pencil at the coach.

“I spoke with both Leonard and Conrad after that incident. It was a simple faux pas on the part of Leonard, and he has apologized to Conrad. Now, if we may return to the matter of the football game, gentlemen?” After finishing his unnatural response Riveran selected another reporter.

“Thank you, Lord Riveran. Michael Rodney, Weshield Digest. There are reports that your father, the Earl Dunerbridge, has taken seriously ill. How do you see this affecting the rest of the Ians’ season?”

Instantly, Riveran’s face stonewalled. “It will not affect the season at all. My father’s health is not a football-related matter. I thank you for your questions, gentlemen, but I’m afraid this interview is at an end. Good day.” And the honorary viscount strode quickly from his podium, vanishing into the Ians’ locker room before any reporters could shout out more questions.

Rex Rev for Remainder
Antlopolis
Coach Berkett spoke to the press briefly today before the team's departure to Europa Brittania.
"We are very excited going into this match. EB is the top team in the world right now, and the only team we haven't met thus far in our group. We have been playing really well thus far, and aside from the draw against TNUI, we've been unstoppable. We've had Pettle in a couple of games, and she will be starting keep on this one, as T. Gigas feels that his broken ring finger in his right hand is enough to bench him."
T. Gigas spoke,
"I haven't been playing as well these past few games. Yes, these are world class teams, but I was shutting out the first couple. Pettle is ready to play and play hard. I feel that she will surpass me in this tournament and become the team's starting keeper. I feel this so strongly in fact, that I feel the need to announce that I, like Tinesta, will be making this my last world cup tournament. Thank you for your support over the years."
At that T. Gigas boarded the plane and Berkett said some farewells and followed his players on. Unavailable for comment were L. Moz, whom many have been wanting to question about her assumed nephew, Optimus, and Nif, who has not answered questions regarding the delay in her wedding. Assistant coach Fernandes said, "It is important for the players to concentrate on getting into the cup. They will have time for talking about this later, please leave them be."

So fans will have to wait till later to find out the gossip on some of their favorites, for now, they have the game.

Despite a valiant effort and some money to Margaret, the Eagles only managed a draw against unranked Ianisle. The game kinda went like thi >pop!< >crakkkklfizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz<

K>pop!<R is und>cccccrrakkkkk< cast prob >fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz< ought >pop!< back o >crkrkrkrkr< nday >crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr<
Scuttlebutt - Morning Edition

Who's Isle Is It, Anyway?
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Remington Grey

In downtown Sten earlier today Scuttlebutt caught up with...well, with someone from the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages. We've tried and tried to get more of a monicker for her than "Margaret", but haven't uncovered even a middle initial. This reporter is beginning to take this as a personal challenge. I WILL find out this woman's name!

But, I digress. To the topic at hand. When asked about the 1-1 Aquilla-Iansisle result, Margaret insisted that without her...um..."assistance"...the game would have gone more like this:

>pop>fizzzzzzzzz>sputtttttttttersputttttttter>fizzzzzzz>plop

and ended One-Nil in favor of Iansisle.

After noting that as she understood things, it was Ian S isle (possessive, she believes), she refused to provide any additional comment, nor would she answer any further questions. Cutting the interview short (by threatening to pop this reporter one in the nose), she headed off on a shopping spree, oddlebag notes falling from her pocket as she went.

8)

The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Infromation, and Band Aids presents (over the hue and cry that he mind his own business) World Cup 10 Qualifying Group 1 Standings through Matchday 9. "Max Pts Poss" is the maximum points that side could achieve if it wins all it's remaining qualifying matches (8 matches for all sides, thus 24 possible points).

Qualifying Group 1 Results
[code:1:ed18440113]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
3 Arridia (20) 8 7 0 1 18 6 12 21 45 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 6 19 43 roster
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 8 5 1 2 13 5 8 16 40 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 8 3 1 4 9 8 1 10 34
8 Cockbill Street 8 3 0 5 4 8 -4 9 33 roster
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 8 2 2 4 5 9 -4 8 32
6 Sensual Products (63) 8 2 1 5 8 13 -5 7 31
5 A nation 8 2 1 5 4 10 -6 7 31
2 Larkinia 8 1 3 4 4 12 -8 6 30[/code:1:ed18440113]
Tickets for all remaining Snub Nose 38 Hooligan qualifying matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

The New Town Constitution-Patriot

National Football Team Breathes Sigh of Relief
Offensive coach seems to be improving performance

KERLA (BAP) -- Bedistan Lions manager Gene Barber and offensive coach Johnny Lewis wiped the sweat from their brows as the final whistle blew on qualifying matchday 9 in Kerla.

Typically, when the Lions do score, they get at least one of those goals in the first half, but that was not the case today. Two valiant efforts by Darren Morlock were professionally blocked by the Kerla keeper to keep the scoreboard quiet at halftime. But the second half began with a quick one-two punch -- a header from Sippel in the 48th and a Javier Lewey goal off a Briscoe corner in the 53rd. Chuck Mitchell, after a recent slump, has returned to his usual standard of greatness, not allowing any Kerlan balls to pass him.

Other group results were mostly favorable to the Lions as well -- Dennisov's shutout of SterlingIce allowing the Lions to pass, as well as New Montreal States' long-awaited win over Oilermania, although LordSquall's 5-0 blowout of Kamakaza allows the former to hold on to third place in the group. At the halfway point, Bedistan is fourth in the group:

[code:1:16ad4c1a99]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Dennisov (14) 8 8 0 0 18 1 +17 24
Dark Outcasts (28) 8 6 0 2 14 4 +10 18
LordSquall (47) 8 5 1 2 12 4 +8 16
Bedistan (4) 8 4 2 2 8 4 +4 14
SterlingIce (61) 8 4 2 2 8 7 +1 14
Kerla 8 1 2 5 4 13 -9 5
Kamakaza 8 1 2 5 4 17 -13 5
Oilermania 8 1 1 6 3 14 -11 4
New Montreal States 8 1 0 7 4 11 -7 3[/code:1:16ad4c1a99]

-----------------------

Final score:
Kerla 0
Bedistan 2 (Sippel 48, Lewey 53)

Thomas Award points:
Mitchell 1, Briscoe 1, Morlock 1, Sippel 2, Lewey 2

Thomas Award frontrunners:
C. Mitchell - 9
C. Briscoe - 6
D. Morlock - 6

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell [Fukushima 75] - Sanchez, Morgan, Saravia, Hockensmith - Briscoe, Marley, Heidelberg - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

As a crowd of tens of thousands of screaming fans hangs on her words, Bi Kikere begins to deliver a victory speech. Her face is still free of wrinkles, marred only by a scar received in World Cup 3 in a collision with one of her team's defenders, back when she was Tanah Burung's goal keeper. Now she is the coach, and as of today, one of the 11 co-presidents of her country. She begins to speak.

Friends, sports fans, i can't thank you enough for electign me as the new people's representative for territorial defence & sports. I pledge to continue our race to the bottom in defence rankings and our drive to the top in sports! Time we hosted some great global sporting extravaganza. Anything but ice hockey. Time we won a trophy in something other than "competitive piercing."

OK, so i missed the last match while campaigning. But it was only Stealth Zerbert. So we only won 1-0. Still, that's nine unanaswered goals in our last four games. We sit on top of our qualifying group with 21 points. That's three ahead of The Lowland Clans, and five ahead of Lemmitania. Yes, five ahead of Lemmitania. Savour the feeling with me, people!

That's the sort of success that i want to give you in government. Our name will become one to be reckoned with. Today, i announce our intention to bring the World Cup to the shores of the Emerald Heights. And broadcasting will be plentiful! I have authorized the re-transmission of broadcasts from all other World Cup countries to your television screens. The airwaves are free, and the broadcasts of all countries will be brought to you free of charge. Some may call that an infringement on their copyright. I say, tough beans. Sports for all!

God drops his morning paper

Paladins upset heavily favored Oilermania 1-0

The lunatic idea of replacing the national team with high schools working together paid off with a big dividend - the Paladins picked up 3 points last night with a 1-0 victory over Oilermania.

A small riot froze trafic in New Antioch yesterday as exuberant fans took to the streets to cheer their hometown boys from New Antioch (NA) Central, NA St. Johns and NA Bellevue.

Behind a strong performance from Jocelyn Thibaut from NA Central in goal and a sturdy defensive effort spearhead by the Brossard twins (Marc and Jean) from NA Bellevue, some future promise showed itself in last night's game.

Antoine Benoit scored at 45:09 in the second half to put away the game for the Ice Paladins.

IPA spokeswoman Julie Labrique announced a ban on speaking to the press for the young players "to keep off pressure and adulation until they become pros". She complimented all the players "for showing such calm and spunk while representing their nation on the world stage."

For tonight's home game game against 61th-ranked SterlingIce, a co-op of Frog's Academy (formerly Patriarch's academy), New Montreal Nord, and Academie St-Charles will take the field before a sellout crowd at the Paladin Dome.

IPA to order mountain from Audioslavia

National team voted "most reviled", needs place to hide

After the attempted assasination of Jean-Luc Picard, formerly of the Ice Paladin national soccer team, the IPA has decided to buy a mountain from Audioslavia.

"This will be to assure security for our national team as well as to provide a quality sports complex for our nation," said IPA President Anne-Marie Josquin. "We will relocated this mountain to the vast, dismal Apresbourg Swamp north of New Montreal for our complex."

Proposed plans for the site were made public. At the top of the site would be a multi-purpose plexiglas dome stadium that could grow real grass on the pitch. This would be used for the soccer team, as well as the high school soccer championships. Rugby, American Football and Baseball could also be played there in a pinch.

Beneath the dome would be a massive training facility, with gyms and practice rinks, courts and fields for the whole national program.

Part of the side would be leveled out so as to be able to build a rink for games. This rink would be shared with the New Montreal Patriotes ice hockey team.

Mirabel regional/international charter airport is at the foot of the proposed site. A spur would be built off of the NM1 expressway that would pass the airport and go up the mountain to the parking lot.

Also on-site would be housing for athletes and coaches, as well as the amenities and services of a small town.

Access to the mountain when games are not playing would be restricted of course. Permission would be granted on a case-by-case basis.

The USAnian information minister George W. Bush speaks live on Communist News Network:

Comrades,

The first important information: There are no riots in Washington DC. The is no such thing like a USAnian Democratic Movement and Gerald Brown is NOT their leader!
The second even more important information: The United Socialist States of USAnia have won a soocer match. Yes, a match in the World Cup, in Total n Utter Insanity, to be exact! It was a ibg triumph for our great socialist country, a clear sign of the superiority of our ideology and of our intellence! Even the WCC could no longer rank us dead last in their capitalistic biased tables, according to their corrupt rankings, we moved past the Brits (short pause) at least past one of them. This is great day for us, it symbolizes the victory of communism against the capitalistic corruptness with their fake informations.

One last thing: If anyone has seen midfielder Adam Miller, who is guilty of the serious crime of absconding from our great country, please report it to this number (a number is shown, GWB appears again) or if you are a USAnian citizen, just speak loudly about his current whereabouts, our protection police will hear it.

Thanks for your attention, hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx.

Kingsford National finds Dead Man in Travel Bus Tires

AP - The Kingsford National travel bus was somewhat bumpy on the way back home from the match, so they stopped to see what it was. It turns out, there was something caught in their tires: Dead Man.

But seriously, the match today pitted the Kingsford National against well respected team Dead Man, who had played and triumphed over Kingsford in earlier World Cups, but have come back with a less that sufficient ranking for their greatness.

"It really is a shame" said Defender Nate St. Peter, who also plays for the Toryo Wolfpack, "to see a team so well respected get beat up so bad. I remember, when we just played them, it was like our fans were also cheering for them. It's a shame, it really is."

Kingsford won 3-0.

*we're in the penthouse offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister is sitting at his desk, without a beer - he's managed to spill it again. the butler is wiping it up, and muttering under his breath - something about "may as well have stayed in the navy swabbing decks." margaret is seated at the piano, picking out a tune with one finger - it's something from 'west side story'. there's someone else here, who we keep not quite being able to see.*

- ...where they are?
- In Tanah Burung. At least, Manela is. We are not quite sure of the whereabouts of Forth and Tabytcha.
- Then you can get him, Jack! And I can have him filleted!
- That's "flayed", bub.
- No, Margaret. I mean filleted. First flayed, then filleted.
- Look, folks, I can't have my agents waltz into Tanah Burung every few weeks to drag some loon out. If it's really important to bring Sal Manela back to Snub Nose 38, we can do it. But if it's just some pathetic vengance thing, it's a waste of my time and my agents. So you're gonna hafta get The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 to approve it.
- I wanna fillet him! I gotta fillet him! I...
- You have it all wrong.
- It' just like you to take his side, Margaret!
- Oh, grow up. It's not a matter of sides. Think about it for a minute.
- ...about what...?
- About location, ya lump.
- Location, Margaret?
- You don't see it either, Jack?
- Afraid not.
- See? I'm not the only one who can't...
- Yes, you are the only one who can't...fill in the blank. Look, guys, I'll lay it out for ya. First, Manela is a terrible manager - so we certainly don't want him back to manage the Hooligans. Second, his leadership qualities are nil, so we don't need to bring him here for that. Third, we don't really need an international incident with Tanah Burung right now - but if we do later, this would be ready-made. Fourth, he doesn't know enough about football to cause us any worry no matter where he is - unless he happened to be back here. And Fifth, he never learned the Hooligans play book. He used to watch old Marx Brothers movies instead of game films - so he can't spill the beans - he doesn't have any beans. Bottom line, the best place for him is where he is - out of our way, and possibly being a royal pain in Bi Kikere's...

*we cover the childrens' ears, and hurry them out before they pick up any bad language.*

Audioslavia's football squad star in: 'She'll be Lugging Down a Mountain when She Comes'

...continued

*The Audioslavian football team are huddled round Lee Branson at the bottom of 'Mount Smith & Wesson', a huge mountain in northern Snub Nose 38. The more professional of the players are eagerly awaiting an exciting mid-morning team-building exersise. The other 19 players are either sobering up or drooling over their hastily-put-on training kits. It is 3:22 in the morning.*

Lee:....and then the boss told me to move this mountain to cockbill street

Justin: its true, Marcel was talking to him

Marvin: MY NAME IS MARVIN

Justin: sos marv...

Lee: so, right, Chris, Wayne, Jonny, Gary and Justin, you go round the left side and call me on my mobile when you get there. Matt, Andy, Nick, Simon, Graham and Rick, you get the right hand side of the mountain and call me when you get there. The rest of us will get underneath it when you pick it up and help carry it.

*three hours pass as the team gets into position. Lee's phone goes off*

- Hi Jonny, u there yet?
- ***
- ok, wait for me to buzz you on your phone and then start lifting, bye
- ***

- hey Matt, you on the right side yet
- ***
- ok. get ready to lift after THIRTY seconds, ok? starting from.... now

*Lee waits 25 seconds and then buzzes Jonny's phone.*

Lee: ok guys, theyre gonna start lifting...... NOW

...


...


...


...

Ben: has it moved yet?

Lee: i think so, look upwards, you can see the mountain going past the clouds

Ben: are you sure? its not just the clouds passing overhead?

Lee: umm... wait a minute more....

...

...

...

*Lee's phone rings*

- Hey Jonny, arent you supposed to be moving the mountain? whats taking you?
- *********
- Well you must have made SOME headway
- *****************
- not an inch?
- *********
- ok... maybe we'll need a couple more guys, wait there Jonny...

*Lee hangs up and makes another phone call*

- hello is that Martin?
- ****
- Marv, sorry, yeah anyway, you couldnt give us a hand moving this mountain could you? it looks like we'll need a couple more people
- *******
- Di who?
- ********
- Dynamite?
- ***
- can that carry a very big load?
- **********************
- ah.... i see.....
- *************************************
- that is a cracking idea mark
- ****
- Marv, yeah, sorry, cracking idea, c ya pal

Lee: hey guys, Matthew just had a brilliant idea, we can use dynamite to blow up the mountain so we can carry the little bits....

Ben: why dont we just get so much dynamite that we can just blow the mountain right the way accross to Cockbill Street?

Lee: ...that is an even better idea.....

Ben: yeah, i thought so..

Lee: but where the hell IS cockbill street?

Ben: i dunno, ask that guy

Lee: hey dude

Some Dude: yes?

Lee: can you tell me how to get, how to get to Cockbill Street?

Some Dude: Sure, its just 500 miles west. 'Cockbill Street' was brought to you by the letter C, and the number 4.

Lee: cheers dude

Some Dude: anytime

Lee: so yeah, Cockbill Street is that-a-way

Ben: sweet, so we put loads of dynamite on this side of the mountain, and it'll explode and blow the mountain over to Cockbill Street

Craig: Where could you put a mountain on a street?

Lee: well you can have fountains in gardens, im sure this'll be just as easy, its only one letter out.

Craig: .......o......k..... but where are we going to get enough dynamite?

Lee: Acme TNT shop?

Craig: there arent any joke shops in Snub Nose

Lee: well in that case ive no idea.

*up in the mountains, something red and blue whizzes around the mountain at stupid-speed note to self: edit 'stupid-speed' when you remember what the top speed of that baddie ship was in 'Spaceballs'. As it is whizzing past, a coyote animal is poised on a huge elastic band, holding a huge great big barrel saying 'TNT' on it. The Coyote springs from his elastic band, but he is slammed face-first on the floor, and the barrel of TNT rolls off him, down the mountain, and in front of the Audioslavian players This isnt a Roadrunner joke! There have never been roadrunner jokes in my threads!*

Ben: oh look, theres some

Lee: cool. set it up then

Ben: okily dokily

*time passes. 3 hours later, the 'slavia team has regrouped and is sat around the TNT, now perched on a rock at the bottom of the mountain, it's fuse currently unlit*

Ben: how far back should we stand?

Lee: i dont know, how far back do you stand for fireworks?

Ben: about 10 feet?

Lee: ok, back 10 feet everyone, better make it 11, seing as there should probably be a very big bang.

Ben: how big?

Lee: well it needs to be big enough to blow an entire mountain to a road 500 miles away.

Ben: you reckon we should stand a bit further back?

Lee: 12 feet?

Ben: better make it 15.

Lee: ok, back again everyone.

*the entire Audioslavian team, coaching staff, cleaners etc move 15 feet away from the barrel of TNT. Audioslavia's manager is still in bed, oblivious to his team's antics*

Lee: ok, light the fuse Andy

Andy: why me?

Lee: nobody likes you

Andy: aw, but i tho...

Lee: shut up andy and light the fuse.

Andy: ok, its lit

Lee: right, now get back here. it should take 10 seconds to expolode.

*11 seconds pass*

Ben: should i go check it?

Lee: no ben, never go back to a mountain once its lit.

Ben: k...

*11 more seconds pass*

Lee: ....ok i dont think its working.....

Ben: have we followed the instructions wrongly?

Lee: no, it just said 'light fuse, stand back, wait 10 seconds, enjoy pretty colours'

Craig: im gonna go have a look

Lee: ok, be careful....

Craig: hey.... hey i think ive found the problem.....

Lee: what is it Craig?

Craig: it says.... it says........ 'made in TnUI'

Lee: oh for fuck sake.... im going home, tell Cockbill Street they can stick their mountain up their arse

Craig: ok.....

*Craig gets his phone out*

- ****
- Hello, is that someone from the Street?
- ***
- Hi, who am i talking to please?
- ************
- Oscar The Grouch? assistant to president Big Bird?
- ***
- i think i've got the wrong street, sorry
- *****
- yes im sure it has been an awful day, but i have to go now, bye
- ***

*Craig curses, and dials a different number into his phone*

- ************
- yes you can help me, Miss Cockbill Street Foreign Secretary's Secretary's Sectarian Sectretary
- *****
- yes, i have a message from the Audioslaivan football team. Stick your mountain up your arse
- ............*****
- yes that is all, bye
- .....***

Memo from: Audioslavian commisionaire for mountain-removal
To: New Montreal States national planning council

Thankyou for your memo regarding the transportation of 'Chair Mountain' from Northern Audioslavia to New Montreal States. The bill for £34.99 will be charged to your mountain-moving debit account. The transaction will take place in 8 weeks, after Audioslavia finish their match with Clearwater.

Thankyou again for your co-operation

memo ends

Audioslavia's football squad star in: 'She'll be Lugging Down a Mountain when She Comes'

...continued

*The Audioslavian football team are huddled round Lee Branson at the bottom of 'Mount Smith & Wesson', a huge mountain in northern Snub Nose 38.

a hysterically funny recounting of an attempt to move that mountain
LOL

...love the name of my mountain... :wink:

Ravens Expire
Audioslavia 3 - 1 Ravenspire

Audioslavia, fresh from their one week break in Snub Nose 38, played out a memorable victory, defeating World Cup finalists and current group leaders Ravenspire 3-1 in a cracking game.

Audioslavia took the lead after 10 minutes as Willow, back from injury, got on the end of a long ball by Branson and placed the ball past Mistmarsh for 1-0

25 minutes later Willow again got himself on the scoresheet after some relentless pressure. Lever took the ball down the wing, beating Schiller for pace and dummying Jeffers, before sending over a low cross which was missed by Bury. Fortunately for the 'slaves, Spencer's attempted clearance came off the backside of Jeffers, right into the path of Willow, who beat Mistmarsh again for 2-0

Ravenspire equalised early in the second half, as Kitsu and Kitsuki played a clever one-two with each other, and Kitsuki buried the ball past Pedder.

the Ravens had the better of most of the second half, coming close twice as Wylde missed a header from a corner, and Azikuki put a bullet of a volley over the bar.

The match was won however, in spectacular fashion. On 80 minutes, as Audioslavia's counter-attacks became more and more persistant, Dipper jinked his way passed a tiring full back and crossed the ball high to Lever on the far post. Lever's shot was deflected up in the air by Mistmarch. It fell to the head of Jeffers, who could clear only as far as Audioslavia's centre-back Chris Jackson, who, sprinting on to the ball, let fly a thunderbolt from 39 yards out, dipping and curling on its way to the top left hand corner. It was a goal destined for the opening credits of Grandstand for ever and ever.

Final Score:

Audioslavia 3 (Willow 10, 37. Jackson 80)

Ravenspire 1 (Kitsuki 55)

[code:1:6c456288a7]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 8 7 0 1 19 7 +12 21
Clearwater (80) 8 5 2 1 13 7 +6 17
Audioslavia (18) 8 5 0 3 15 7 +8 15
The Dragonian Empire (57) 8 4 2 2 16 13 +3 14
Svecia (22) 8 4 1 3 16 10 +6 13
Zinkoland (67) 8 4 2 2 11 7 +4 12
Citta Acqua 8 1 1 6 4 15 -11 4
Dauragons 8 1 0 7 4 15 -11 3
Davii 8 1 0 7 1 18 -17 3 [/code:1:6c456288a7]

Half-way through the qualifiers now, the 'slaves arent as confortable as they'd like to be. A match with much-fancied Svecia beckons, as well as re-matches with Dragonian Empire, Zinkoland and Clearwater, the three sides Audioslavia are competing with for those elusive 2nd and 3rd spots.

Luckily, the more difficult matches against Dragonian Empire, Zinkoland, Svecia and Clearwater are all home matches, and the 'slaves should really be expected to get at least 10 points from the possible 12 from these games. Draws in the away matches against the un-ranked teams should be possible

Hopefully, the 'slaves will be all done and dusted by the time they have to play away to Ravenspire in the last game of the competition - a match they are not expected to win.

Spaam Sports Headlines

Spaam scored its biggest win in almost 4 years when it defeated the unseeded Scabara 2-0 in Artánis last night. Assistant Coach Sëhelin, filling in for Coach Hoopai, said she was pleased with the effort which kept Spaam in the running for their first World Cup appearance after thei boycott of WC9. Spaam is in 5th place in the qualifying tables, but only a win from 2nd. However critics are labelling this a small comfort, with serious doubt that Spaam will qualify.

East Spaam Make Ketchup

East Spaam kept their incredibly slim qualifying chances alive by defeating the Evisceramatoes in Guroch last night. After doing a celebrity cooking show the day before, the team made use of their new-found cooking skills by creating Evisceramato Sauce on the field. The team, led by Elmo, managed to score 3 goals on their way to creating the culinary masterpiece, the goalie being the last Eviscermato to be added to the sauce. The taste was tainted though, when while looking for the ball just before the end of the game, they found it in their own goal, leading the ref to award a goal to the then nonexistant Evisceramato team.

The Evisceramato government are suing East Spaam for the destruction of the team, demanding cooking lessons as reparation.

Apologies for the lack of RPing... I'm finding it very hard to get time to sit down and do it. Hopefully I can fit in an RP or two for the rest of the qualifiers.

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 8

The halfway point in qualifying for World cup X has arrived and the Nastic nation are still in with a shout of qualifying for the World cup for the first time in their history.

After todays superb 1-0 victory over our old foes Haraki Nastic stands third in their group.

Qualifying Group 5:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic 2-1 Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic 1-1 Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic 0-2 Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj v Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala v Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea v Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:4b81e5c900]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

Group 5 P W D L F A Pts
Oglethorpia (5) 8 7 0 1 20 4 21
Nikea (31) 8 6 1 1 12 6 19
NASTIC 2 (60) 8 4 3 1 10 6 15
Rejistania (38) 8 3 3 2 13 14 12
Haraki (15) 8 3 2 3 13 8 11
Senoj 8 3 1 4 5 12 10
SPARTEN 8 2 0 6 3 10 6
Irrevilentsdom 8 1 2 5 3 10 5
Grigala 8 1 0 7 4 13 3
[/code:1:4b81e5c900]

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Bulldogs Defeat Morawny in Uneventful Game, Are Rated As Second-Best Team In Qualifiers
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs were 6-1-0 coming into today's home game against #58 Morawny, the first of four consecutive home games on the schedule. They felt like they could beat nearly anyone. After Decker's 29th-minute goal, they felt like they really could beat anyone - even Liverpool England (oh, wait, they did beat Liverpool England - Europa Brittania, then). Vojtilo didn't allow Morawny to get a goal in, and the game ended in favor of the Bulldogs - again.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Decker 29)
(58] Morawny 0 - FT
Liverpool England lost to Halfassedstates, leaving the Bulldogs solidly in control of Group 9:
[code:1:5e124196bc]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 8 7 1 0 15 3 +12 22
Liverpool England (2) 8 5 1 2 14 5 +9 16
Halfassedstates (19) 8 4 2 2 12 9 +3 14
Akbarland (51) 8 3 4 1 12 10 +2 13
Morawny (58) 8 3 2 3 8 6 +2 11
Kravoli (81) 8 2 3 3 8 8 0 9
EL CID THE HERO 8 1 3 4 5 13 -8 6
Pavesia 8 1 1 6 6 15 -9 4
The Arrivian Alliance 8 0 3 5 6 17 -11 3[/code:1:5e124196bc]
With the first half of qualifying over, only Dennisov (8-0-0) has a better record than Commerce Heights. Coach Broquard says that he is "excited" about his team's unexpected performance, and is "very happy" with their odds of qualifying for a third straight World Cup. The win today also marked the first time that the Bulldogs have won 5 straight games.
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:5e124196bc] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 48 10 13 17 8
Wins 26 3 6 10 7
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.5 62.6 81.7 69.3 82.6
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.9 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +20 -3 +5 +6 +12
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:5e124196bc]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:5e124196bc]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 8 4 0.50
C. Deppiesse 8 4 0.50
J. Cahalane 8 3 0.38
K. Decker 8 2 0.25
K. DeGraffenreid 8 1 0.13
F. Wallace 8 1 0.13

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 8 3 0.38

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 48 24 0.50
C. Deppiesse..** 25 9 0.36
J. Cahalane**** 47 13 0.28
K. Decker**** 48 13 0.27
M. McCormick.^^^ 9 2 0.22
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 27 5 0.19
K. DeGraffenreid...* 8 1 0.13
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 47 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 41 47 1.15
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:5e124196bc]
(OOC: I'm starting to get tired of RPing win after win after win... :roll: :P )

From the Kangaroo:

BOUNCING BACK TO WINNING WAYS

Kaze Progressa's storming World Cup qualifying run resumed in earnest in the first of four straight games in the Progressair Stadium, with a 3-1 victory over Kumba ya.

The Progressans fielded an experimental lineup and looked shaky in the first half, before Craita Weseydal's 20-yard screamer found the top corner. Two Fayu Owa goals, the second a sensational lob of the goalkeeper from 45 yards when he was moving off his line to handle a likely cross, sealed the deal long before a late consolation goal for the visitors.

The Progressans are now in a dominant position in their group with two more easy games, at home to Social Cleavage and Dead Man, to come next.

Edit: Tell me about it, CH... at least we can't be accused of trying to artificially sneak spots in WCXI by auto-qualifying as hosts :p

Bi Kikere is golfing in her new office. Missing another putt, she curses and calls in a functionary.

Bi Kikere: OK, i've had it. Release Sal Manela.
A Functionary: But he has told us nothing!
BK: Yeah, but he's making a big dent in the budget with all the food he's packing away.
AF: He just doesn't crack under pressure. He is clearly a brilliant mind, able to withstand all we can throw at him.
BK: Yeah, that's what i thought too. But the more i think about it, the more i realize the man's just an idiot who knows nothing about his own team.

An advertisement in international sporting papers the next day:
Slightly soiled football manager seeks work. Will work for food. Contact S. Manela, c/o this newspaper. No reasonable offers refused.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street Football Continue Winning Ways
Third Major Sporting Victory This Week

What is this? After the sixth game of the qualifying tournament, we were wondering whether the national football team had the potential to avoid last place. It certainly didn't look like it. Now, suddenly, all sports in Cockbill Street seem to have enjoyed an upswing. 1-0 over East Spaam last Saturday, a narrow 30-29 squeak over Vozvyshennost in the rugby, and today the success continued. A splendid performance against fellow newcomers A nation sees Cockbill Street into fifth place in the table, only a point behind last season's near-qualifiers East Spaam, whom we beat only last Saturday. The future is indeed looking bright for Cockbill Street's footballers.

Now, to the match - it was indeed a most stylish performance. The team dominated in defense, especially, and the three-back defense seems finally to have found firm ground after some initial struggles. The trick with substituting most of the established players worked, too, as the youngster Harald Axewielder and numerous others seem very keen to cement their place in the squad. In the 27th minute, just Axewielder made a splendid dribble down the right wing, before dashing into the penalty box and putting the ball back for Tungsten-carbide, who put his mighty foot to the ball and hammered it to the left of the keeper. No chance for the nation.

A nation's greatest chance came four minutes before the first half's conclusion, due to some excellent play down the right wing. However, Jorn Axewielder crouched down and took the low cross, and the chance was averted. Yes, that was the greatest chance. Apart from that, nothing dangerous happened near the Cockbill Street goal. There were plenty of chances at the other end, though, and substitute striker Chris Brashear stuffed one of them in midway through the second half as he got on the end of a long pass from Peter Harmison, who had a great day in defense. Brashear controlled the pass excellently before lashing out a ferocious half volley shot to which the keeper had no answer. Cockbill Street 2, A nation 0. After that, manager Ironfoundersson made some substitutions, but Cockbill Street still firmly controlled the game, despite pulling back and rolling the ball on their own half. If Cockbill Street play like this against the big boys, especially at the back, then they have a serious chance of grabbing fourth place, which would be extremely beneficial to our rankings for World Cup XI. In addition, fourth placed teams have a theoretical chance of qualification for the World Cup, but seeing as Cockbill Street is not likely to get more than 21 points, that could be very tough.

In other Group 1 news, the future is looking very grim for the Evisceratomatoes, who were reportedly crushed (yes, literally) by the East Spaam players in their match yesterday, which ended in a 3-1 win for East Spaam. We sincerely grieve for the tomatoes, however we can not help but feel a little more secure about a win for our team as they travel to this nation for our ninth game this season.

Also, we congratulate fellow newbies and Induction Tournament participants New Montreal States on the 1-0 win in Group 7. Putting on a team of high-school boys seem to have helped, and NMS now have a serious chance of finishing sixth.

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 5 - Harmison 5, Carboniferous 6 (off 67 Eversham), Golddevourer 6 - Calcite 6, Olsen 5 (off 76 Petisha), Lehrer 7, H Axewielder 7 - Tungsten-carbide 8, Quier 6, Beaver 5 (off 52 Brashear 6).

The table for Group 1 is as follows, as eight of the 16 games have been played:

[code:1:ca3d1c0fbf]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
3 Arridia (20) 8 7 0 1 18 6 12 21
9 The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 6 19
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 8 5 1 2 13 5 8 16
4 East Spaam (33) 8 3 1 4 9 8 1 10
8 Cockbill Street 8 3 0 5 4 8 -4 9
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 8 2 2 4 5 9 -4 8
6 Sensual Products (63) 8 2 1 5 8 13 -5 7
5 A nation 8 2 1 5 4 10 -6 7
2 Larkinia 8 1 3 4 4 12 -8 6 [/code:1:ca3d1c0fbf]

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Earns Another Away Win
Keep Pace with Oglethorpia, Nastic
by Markenin Markenel

REJISTANIA(NP) - The Pandas earned an important three points today in a tough match with the Orange-Blues in Rejistania.

The two teams traded chances early on, and both sides' defensive systems proved frustrating to the opposing offence. Keresin Nereniel made a number of solid tackles to prevent the home side from getting any kind of solid chances, while the I&I tandem of the Pandas were thwarted numerous times; by the defenders, goalkeeper, goal post, and the linesman's flag, after Istertel managed to put one behind the Rejistania keeper, but was rightfully called offsides. After the first half, both teams were tied.

The second half started off with more quality chances from either side. The Orange-Blues got two excellent shots on Quertel, who barely got a touch to them, knocking them out for a corner. On the second corner, Aleksei Strekiov's clearance led to a quick counter-attack, which ended with Istertel putting the ball into the back of the net. The flag stayed down this time, and it was 1-0 for the visitors.

The home side responded seven minutes later, when a free kick from just outside the box was redirected past a committed Kalessin Quertel, who stood no chance to stop the deflection. The Rejistani hopes were crushed a mere four minutes later, when Pandas defender Aleksei Strekiov's header off a Mortethel corner kick found daylight just inside the left post, putting the Pandas in the lead again, this time for good.

With the win, Nikea goes into their bye week guaranteed that their second place position will not change, as they remain four points up on Nastic, who defeated Haraki today 1-0. Oglethorpia defeated SPARTEN 1-0, while Senoj got past Irreliventsdom by the same score. Nikea's next match comes after the bye, in SPARTEN.

[code:1:d2e157ef9f]
Rejistania 1 (<player> 72)
v.
Nikea 2 (Istertel 65, Strekiov 76)
[/code:1:d2e157ef9f]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

Ians strike for a glorious victory!
Starters defeat reserves 4-1 on off day

...

East Spaam Make Ketchup

East Spaam kept their incredibly slim qualifying chances alive by defeating the Evisceramatoes in Guroch last night. After doing a celebrity cooking show the day before, the team made use of their new-found cooking skills by creating Evisceramato Sauce on the field. The team, led by Elmo, managed to score 3 goals on their way to creating the culinary masterpiece, the goalie being the last Eviscermato to be added to the sauce. The taste was tainted though, when while looking for the ball just before the end of the game, they found it in their own goal, leading the ref to award a goal to the then nonexistant Evisceramato team.

The Evisceramato government are suing East Spaam for the destruction of the team, demanding cooking lessons as reparation.

The ground runs in red rivers: the tears of a million Evisceratomatoes. Not since the tragic 1958 airplane crash that killed the starters for Manchester United has an entire football team been wiped out. But today, the whole Evisceratomatoes Fighting Fruit team lies dead on the fields of East Spaam. Their juicy, pulverized remains are being flown home for a proper burial.

Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes, has demanded reparations from East Spaam. "Cooking lessons? Not even close to enough, my poor little pureed darlings," he said. "We demand East Spaam perform a human sacrifice to appease our gods."

The Evisceratomatoes served notice of their intent to forfeit the next match against Cockbill Street and will attempt to put together a new team in time for match day 11.

(OOC: I'm starting to get tired of RPing win after win after win... :roll: :P )

Trade ya anyday, Commerce.

Interest in Cockbill Street builds

As the bumbling and crumbling of our national disgrace continues, the many soccer fans who enjoy a good Cinderella story have turned their attention to Cockbill Street's sudden return from the dead.

Like our team, Cockbill Street had suffered a series of early reverses. However, the stars have aligned for them it seems and now they have racked up a series of victories. With Evisceratomatoes having been reduced to tomato paste on the playing field against East Spaam, Cockbill Street now finds themselves 3 to 1 favorites as they prepare for their game tonight.

Sears arrested in bar brawl, claims self-defense

A measure of how resoundingly unpopular the Paladin soccer team has become in recent days can be found in last night's arrest of former starting foward Johnny Sears last night in a bar fight in his native Etiennebourg.

Having gone to the bar with some friends he passed an unremarkable evening. Upon leaving he was acosted outside of the bar by a pair of allegedly drunken men. Upon his revelation that he was Johnny Sears, he was allegedly attacked and fought back, inflicting a cut on one man's cheek and giving the other a black eye. Sears himself sustained bruises from the battle.

Sears is expected to be found innocent and released, but most believe that it is no longer safe to step out on the town if you are in any way connected to the Paladin soccer team.

(OOC: I'm starting to get tired of RPing win after win after win... :roll: :P )

OOC: I know of a team just a little way to the northeast that would LOVE to have that problem... ;)

To: Nate E. Viscer, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes
From: The Academy of Science of the Frost-Free Borderlands of (deleted by censors)

Esteemed Sir:

Our condolences on the juicing of the entire Evisceratomato Team. There are no words adequate to express the sympathy we feel. Let me not detain you from attending to the details inherent in the aftermath of such a disaster any longer than I must.

In short, sir, word has reached us that Evisceratomato may forfeit the upcoming match with Cockbill Street. Perhaps that may not be necessary.

Here at the Academy, having learned only in the past decade of the existance of sentient vegetables, we have been conducting certain experiments designed to produce sentient vegetation native to (deleted by censors). Without going into detail, suffice it to say that we have met with a little success. Our scientists have been able to generate self-motivated, auto-mobilizing vegetables with some rudimentary intelligence. Nothing fancy, but the best of them are able to maintain a written vocabulary of upwards of 40 words and a spoken vocabulary of 100 words or so, handle simple math, follow direction given in simple sentences of one syllable words, and learn a few basic football skills.

As they really have no nationality, we offer them to you as an interim football side, until you are able to re-constitute your side. Should you decide to accept, this would serve both our purposes - providing you a football side, and providing us an opportunity for a real test of their ability to operate independently.

We have available three cabages, one celery, four radishes, seven onions, a dozen peppers (three green, five red, four yellow), and a pair of rutabagas with some skill at goal keeping.

Please contact me if you are at all interested.

Yours in Great Sympathy,
Albert Onestone
Chief Academician
Academy of Science
Frost-Free Borderlands of (deleted by censors)

Sun Sets on Microbrits at Mount Doom

Warnocks Wizards Thrash Tiny Opposition 3-0

From our news services...

Matchday 9, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Warnocks Wizards gave their best performance of world cup qualifying last night, vanquishing Microbrits 3-0 at Fortress Warnock. Goals from Bagdreg the Mauler, Gabdul the Looter, and Ashmazh the Tough led to a comfortable victory. The diminutive opposition fought bravely, but were never a real threat to an increasingly confident side. With the win, the Wizards have won three on the trot, and four of the last five world cup qualifiers.

Having served the one match ban for his ejection at Lanky Dude, Manager Ufwurz the Furious returned to lead the Wizards. Two changes were made to the side that Globdreg the Destroyer shepherded against Jaurania. Ghaztrak the Gouger reclaimed his starting spot at left back, as Akhburz the Straggler was erased from the lineup. Akhklash the Emaciated took up his familiar spot on the right wing as Gromdul the Gasher was dropped from the squad. The Wizards lined up in their attack-minded 4-3-1-2.


As the two sides lined up for the national anthems prior to kick off, a hush came over the crowd as it appeared the Red and White Wizards were facing a squad of demi-hobbits, so small were the Microbrewers of Microbrits. Team captain Shargrukh the Strongclaw tapped his counterpart, Tiny Posh, on the head as the two exchanged pleasantries and banners. The Wizards two starting Uruk’Hai, Mausnik the Cleaver and Ashmazh the Tough, fancied the ensuing battle, as the height-challenged visitors looked like they belonged in a dwarven drinking establishment and not on a football pitch. But the Fighting Oompa Lumpas came to play. Minuscule Mike came close to opening the scoring as the little side’s mobility was wreaking havoc with the Wizards’ backline. Fortunately, Urklok the Despoiler had nothing more to do than kneel down and collect the poor trickling shot. The microns were also disrupting the Wizards attempt at possession in the early stages of the half. Tricky Nicky and Small Paul were harassing Ghazghash the Sleazy and Bagdreg the Mauler, nipping at the Wizards heels like a pair of deranged chihuahuas. Fortunately, the Wizards were able to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, and began to take control of the match. Akhklash the Emaciated’s diagonal ball found Bagdreg the Mauler who struck one past the aged Diminutive David (who kept tripping over his own mullet throughout the match) in the Mircrobrits’ net. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards on 28 minutes. The Fighting Oompa Lumpas, seeing the game passing over their heads, were determined not to concede another before halftime, and were able to keep possession for long periods of play. Half time: Warnocks Wizards 1, Microbrits 0.

The second half saw the Red and White Wizards stamp their authority on the match. Ghazghash displayed the form that he so often does domestically for New Orthanc United. The classy midfielder orchestrated his teammates moves like a skilled composer. Vorros the Wise would be quite impressed. Chipping the ball over the opposition, Ghazghash released Gabdul the Looter into the penalty box. The Looter was felled immediately by Micromanure’s Amoeboid Rio, whose tipsy protozoa clattered into the Boromir Blades midfielder, resulting in a clear cut penalty. Apparently, the pint sized defender missed the mandatory pre-match drug test session, and rumours abounded in the press box that this possible lack of sobriety (allegedly) accounted for his inability to control himself in his own penalty area. Gabdul dusted himself off and coolly finished the penalty kick. 2-0 to the Red and White Wizards on 55 minutes. Ashmazh the Tough also was having a good match for the home side and it is fitting he added to the goal tally, sealing all three points on 64 minutes. Ishklash the Snooty did well to control a Ghaztrak the Gouger driven cross. He passed the ball off to his partner, Ashmazh, whose strike was simply too powerful for the Micromulleted keeper. Ashmazh’s blast was caught by Diminutive David, but the ball carried the Microbrit across the goal line. 3-0 and the Wizards controlled possession for the rest of the match. In the end, the Red and White Wizards were simply too magical for the tiny opposition. Oompa Lumpa, doobedy-dee, the Wizards ran out and won by three! Full time: Warnocks Wizards 3, Microbrits 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Burzgob the Butcher, Globdreg the Destroyer, Zagag the Sleak.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards host newcomers Koennerstein at Fortress Warnock. The Wizards will hope to take all three points off of the side that held them to a 0-0 draw on Matchday 1.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

G: Hello sportsfans, this is Gus, and joining us in the studio now is my pal and soccer phenom, Liz. Liz, er, great game against EB. You um, scored our goal late in the second half... er, bringing the team back from what seemed like sure defeat, to a, er, tie against the number one ranked nation in the world... yeah, so erm, how does it feel?

L: Good, Gus.

G: Wow. Liz, that was, er, some game.

L: Yeah. We really had to fight out there... but we managed to maintain our lead in the group.

G: Yeah, er, um, you must have erm, really had to rally at half.

L: Yeah, Coach B really gave quite a speech. We want to go through this thing undefeated. He'd prefer wins to ties, naturally, but hey, the number one team... no small feat.

G: Yes, erm, uh,

L: Gus, are you okay? You're stumbling... you havent mumbled so much in ages.

G: Er, yeah, gee, well, that's about all the time we have. Do you, er, want to come get some coffee or something?

L: Are you asking me OUT!?

G: Er, um.... oh! Time for a commercial! Thanks Liz, bye fortspans!

An advertisement in international sporting papers the next day:
Slightly soiled football manager seeks work. Will work for food. Contact S. Manela, c/o this newspaper. No reasonable offers refused.
Hejida Manela'he,

We are the team Sike kaletri. As you perhaps know, people always make fun of our team, because we always qualify for the playoffs in Rejis (we play in the weakest professional league in Rejistania) but never win a single match there. Perhaps you can make it change. Are you interested? (Yes, we are desperate and nearly bankrupt, our last manager left, because he wanted more than 2000 RLK* monthly wage, but we can not afford it)

Sa Ven,
Singu Syku, chief of Sike kaletri

*1100RLK are 1$

Bulldogs Schedule Intranational Match For Cup Qualifying Bye Day
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Bulldogs (7-0-1), presented with an opportunity to rest on matchday 15 of the World Cup 10 Qualifiers, have chosen instead to test their skills against the recently-crowned national champions, the Kitsilano FC (25-10-7). Kitsilano won 21 out of 38 regular-season games and won all 4 of its playoff games to earn the title, the last game ending in a 2-1 win over Lexington (16-7-18]. The postseason rankings have placed Kitsilano 2nd in the league to the Commerce Heights Falcons (22-5-13), a team which placed 3rd in the 27 season and has never failed to place in the top 3. Coach Broquard has stated that he does not believe that the extra game will affect team performance in the final three games of the qualifiers.

Jase: Hejida Lyku'he Syku. KaMaRi Update, May I ask a few questions?
SyLy: You won't give up if I say no.
Jase: Okay, thanks. What are your comments on the game against Nikea.
SyLy: We had bad luck. Su'he has caught a cold and wasn't healthy enough to play. And Mata Koleni - isn't comparable.
Jase: You had much trouble with the defenders, didn't you?
SyLy: Yes, the Nikeans have viewed our last matches, they knew how we played. In the end, it was Exke Sines who surprised them with the equaliser.
Jase: Do you think, the Orange-Blues have a chance to qualify?
SyLy: Are we dead last in the table and a big E is written behind our number of points?
Jase: No.
SyLy: See, in this case - we have.
Jase: What is your prediction about the game against Oglethorpia?
SyLy: Victory, draw or loss - for any of the sides.
Jase: I see. Thanks for the interview.

TBF go third with win over Aneatus Rising

TBF have gone third after defeating Aneatus Rising 2-1. One cheery spectator said, "The've something to do with that insane country don't they, LOOSERS!!!!!!". It was Alan Belmore that delighted the home fans scong the winning goal from the spot on 90 minutes afer Laurence Welldens 32nd minute strike was cancelled out by <number 10>. TBF are now looking good to qualify.

All but One

The big game of this group, the game between the two highest ranked teams was a contest of goal keepers. Both Mitchell and Cheevers were red hot before the game, with both only conceding a single goal.
Not only a clash of two of the group's best goal keepers, it was also a clash of styles. Bedistan's attacking formation against Dennisov's 4-5-1.

Game 7

Bedistan - Dennisov 0-1
62nd minute: Goulet 0-1

Both halves were of a tactical brilliance hardly ever seen these days. With most international sides playing an offensive game, the clash between Bedistan and Dennisov was a test of modern fast paced attacks versus the old-fashioned careful defensive positioning. The first half saw Bedistan's Morlock and Marley attempts saved by a brilliant Cheevers, but those were the only attempts in 45 minutes of play. Gillies, Dennisov's architect on midfield had his hands full with Briscoe, who gave him hardly any time or space. Goulet up front, when he finally did get the ball, was quickly closed down by Bedistan's defenders, Morgan and Kucharski. Mitchell did the rest, but had hardly anything to do throughout the first half as both teams were trying to gain control over midfield.

The game was decided when Bedistan were denied by Cheevers on a Morlock shot. A magnificent save and quick thinking sent Dennisov on one of their notorious counters. Marcel Provonost had positioned himself quickly on the right hand side, he played it towards the fast Laroche who saw Gillies without his shadow Briscoe, just over the halfway line. Gillies let go with a nice opening pass to Goulet who then found Mitchell on his way. The Bedistan goal keeper was unable to hold on to the ball which, unlucky to him but fortunate to Dennisov, gave Michel Goulet another chance to score.
In a game with chances few and far between, the Goulet goal sealed the victory. The last 30 minutes were tense, but with Cheevers in goal and his two lieutenants Provonost and Laviolette the Bedistan attack were held off.

"A fantastic win, I can't express my joy. I would have been quite happy with a draw here," Lemieux said during the press conference, "I think it could have gone either way at that moment, Gerry (Cheevers) is such a great keeper, keeping his cool like that, but I have to compliment all my players for playing so concentrated and focussed for 90 minutes. The way we play, we have to be. With players like Briscoe, Sippel and Morlock you can't afford to even let your concentration drop for a single minute."

<ooc>Forgive me for not reading this thread, but O.R.D., WTF!? your heading the WC now!!!?!?!? </ooc>

ƒR×Kaos Kestrel

Cheevers at 359

After a well deserved rest, the Dennisov team had to face SterlingIce.
With two home games coming up, the Dennisov team were allowed some time off. This didn't affect their concentration at all as from the first minute the team seemed in control of the match.

Game 8
Dennisov - SterlingIce 2-0

78th minute: Conacher 1-0
86th minute: Goulet 2-0 (on for Malone at 73)

In spite of the apparent ease with which Dennisov controlled the game, they didn't seem to want to attack. The few chances that were created were uninspired and often the last pass was very poor.
Consequently Joe Malone, who was given preference over Goulet, hardly received any passes he might convert. Both Gillies and Conacher seemed to have a major day off and when after 75 minutes the score was still 0-0, everything pointed towards a draw.

On came Goulet, with just over a quarter of an hour to play, he took control over the way Dennisov had been playing so far. Very much unlike his style of play, he let himself drop back, right between SterlingIce's lines. The disruption this caused to the visiting team was quite visible as the defenders were not sure whether to follow Goulet up the field or to remain behind to defend their zone instead of the striker. On one of these occassions, Goulet found Conacher who broke through and slotted the ball underneath SterlingIce's goal keeper.

The visitors then tried to force a goal of their own, but only gave away more space at the back. This space was used to the full when Gilles found Goulet hovering at the edge of offside. The referee didn't whistle for offside and Goulet was allowed to score his 8th goal in 8 games.

"With the game against Dark Outcast coming up, we really couldn't afford to loose momentum now. We are so near already, I just want to get this (qualification) over with as soon as possible. Afterall I haven't been able to play golf for nearly 3 weeks now," Lemieux said quickly as he disappeared into the dressing room.

"We didn't play well, but we won, Michel's (Goulet) presence was important this game. You see when he is on the field the defenders focus their attention on him, that gives us a little breathing space," Gillies commented after the game.

Dennisov is now on 24 points, 6 points ahead of Dark Outcast, 8 points ahead of LordSquall and 10 ahead of SterlingIce and favourites Bedistan. Dark Outcast's 5-0 win over Kamakaza shows that this team can score. Cheevers now stands at 359 minutes without conceding a goal, 2 shy of his record.

"I am not concerned with records, I just want to win," Cheevers said when asked about his record, "we might have played well the first 8 games, but this is by no means a guarantee we will be lucky for another 8."

Just for those who don't remember the first game away in Dark Outcast:
Dark Outcast - Dennisov 0-2 with goals by Gillies and Lesieur

<ooc>Forgive me for not reading this thread, but O.R.D., WTF!? your heading the WC now!!!?!?!? </ooc>

ƒR×Kaos Kestrel

OOC: Hey, don't forget me... :lol:

*forgets GZ*

Dead Man should be ranked 99th using the old system

Sowhatsville News

Unlikely hero Jones seals win against #2 ranked LE

In what turned out to be a great weekend for Halfassed sport, the football side managed the same result as the rugby side - a victory against Liverpool England. The fact both teams won, against the same opposition, is where the similarity ends.

While the rugby side started their campaign with a convincing win, the football side needed to secure what the rankings suggested would be an unlikly win, in order to keep in the hunt for qualification places.

As excepted, it was LE who started the best in their home stadium, Dussis testing Jennung with a couple of early drives that the young keeper was able to hold. After 20 minutes, Halfassed appeared to be weathering the storm, and finally had their first shot on goal, but Gunnett's effort was easy for the keeper. Acouple of minutes later, Halfassed's first corner would lead to the opening goal - for LE. The Bundy inswinger was well cleared by Cannon, and Christopher picked up the loose ball. He charged over the half-way line before slipping the ball past the covering Soap and into the run of Dussis. Dussis showed his class by stepping inside Wall before launching a shot at the goal. Despite Jennung getting a touch, the ball flew into the top corner of the net.

It was 15 minutes into the second half before Halfassed managed another attempt on goal. A Lecter run on the left lead to a free-kick when he was cinically brought down just outside the box. Ward lined-up the free-kick, but instead of striking at goal, he squared the ball across the box to a unmarked Bundy who thumped the ball into the bottom corner of the net.

1-1 and suddenly Halfassed seemed the more confident and intent on maintaining their 100% away record. Indeed the last 20 minutes were all Halfassed, with LE being reduced to counter-attacks which were generally ineffective, although Jennung did have to be at his best to deny Dussis on one occassion.

With LE looking like they had survived the onslaught, a Halfassed corner in the final minute proved their undoing. Bundy swung the corner over, and crewgar got a flick on at the near post. This was enough to wrong foot the keeper and the unlikly figure of Vincent Jones was storming in at the back post to bundle the ball into the back of the net.

The 2-1 win puts Halfassed into 3rd place in the group, 2 points behind LE and 1 ahead of Akbarland at the halfway stage. Next up for the Halfassed side is a trip to Commerce Heights, to face the runaway group leaders.
Halfassed will be hoping for revenge after the opening day 0-2 defeat. Failure to do so would see CH dissappear into the distance and leave Halfassed with a real fight on their hands for qualification.

It was a sad day today in the Antaen World as new striker Andy Surich died prematurely at the age of 27. The team wore black armbands as they played The Belmore Family at New Trafford, home of the most famous club in the Antaen World. World famous inbred hick Alan Belmore scored the winning goal after diving in the penalty box in injury time. Reportedly one of their fans called our team a bunch of insane losers and was held for questioning. We’ll have the highlights of the match tomorrow morning at 10 am.

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Sad Day For Football
Cockbill Street takes their three points in shame

The Evisceratomatoes team forfeited today's match against Cockbill Street due to the literal crushing of their team by East Spaam in their last qualifier. Thus, we run off with three points and a 3-0 win, and take it in disgrace. We would suggest that the match end with a 0-0 goal difference, but this must be up to the Evisceratomatoes football governing body and the WCC. We can only condone East Spaam's actions, and say that such actions only has a place on the battlefield. We are also surprised that the referee did not take any actions during the match, nor has the WCC made an official statement against the East Spaam players' behaviour.

Tables - a 3-0 win has been given to Cockbill Street pending an official decision:

[code:1:a1f930b48c]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Arridia (20) 9 8 0 1 22 7 +15 24
Snub Nose 38 (6) 9 6 1 2 15 5 +10 19
The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 +6 19
Cockbill Street 9 4 0 5 7 8 -1 12
East Spaam (33) 9 3 1 5 10 12 -2 10
A nation 9 3 1 5 5 10 -5 10
Evisceratomatoes (74) 9 2 2 5 5 12 -7 8
Sensual Products (63) 9 2 1 6 8 14 -6 7
Larkinia 9 1 3 5 4 14 -10 6[/code:1:a1f930b48c]

Cockbill Street leapfrogged East Spaam and placed themselves fourth, a place we are not likely to keep due to East Spaam's away match at Sensual Products while we have a bye. We wish Sensual Products the best of luck.

The Remington County Record

Antaeus Striker Suffers Untimely Death
Sten Lauren D'Order

The Football World was shocked to learn of the untimely death of the new young striker for the Antaeus Rising national side, Andy Surich. The promising young talent was only 27 years of age. In sympathy for the Antaen loss, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, as well as the Larkinian side, wore black armbands during their Qualifying Match today at Larkinia.

Scuttlebutt

Hooligans Bounce Back to Second
Larkinia Remington Grey

After today's result in Larkinia (Hooligans 2, Larkinia 0)The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Infromation, and Band Aids is happy to provide the results of World Cup 10 Qualifying Matches for Group 1 through matchday 10. "Max Pts Pos" means this is the most points that side can attain, if it wins all it's remaining matches. Eight matches remain for The Weegies, seven for all the other sides. Also provided is the schedule of remaining qualifying matches for Group 1.

Tickets for all remaining Snub Nose 38 Hooligan qualifying matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

Qualifying Group 1 Results
Updated to include matchday 11 results
[code:1:4d1f2b99b2]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
3 Arridia (20) 10 8 0 2 23 9 14 24 42 roster
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 10 7 1 2 17 6 11 22 40 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 9 7 1 1 14 7 7 22 43 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 10 4 1 5 13 12 1 13 31
8*Cockbill Street 9 4 0 5 7 8 -1 12 33 roster
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)10 3 2 5 9 13 -4 11 29
5 A nation 10 3 1 6 6 12 -6 10 28
6 Sensual Products (63)10 2 1 7 8 17 -9 7 25
2 Larkinia 10 1 3 6 5 18 -13 6 24

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit 10th matchday match to Cockbill Street. 3 "goals for" were awarded to Cockbill Street[/code:1:4d1f2b99b2]
Matchday 1 Results
Larkinia 1 at Snub Nose 38 4
East Spaam 1 at Arridia 3
Sensual Products 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 2 Results
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Larkinia 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Arridia 1
East Spaam 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at The Weegies 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 3 Results
East Spaam 1 at Snub Nose 38 1
The Weegies 2 at Arridia 1
Larkinia 1 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 1 at Cockbill Street 0
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 4 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Larkinia 1
The Weegies 1 at East Spaam 0
Snub Nose 38 1 at A nation 0
Arridia 2 at Evisceratomatoes 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 5 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at Arridia 2
Larkinia 0 at East Spaam 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at The Weegies 2
A nation - bye

Matchday 6 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Larkinia 1
Arridia 3 at A nation 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 2 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 7 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Snub Nose 38 2
A nation 1 at East Spaam 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at Sensual Products 0
Larkinia 0 at The Weegies 2
Arridia - bye

Matchday 8 Result
s
Arridia 4 at Sensual Products 3
A nation 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
East Spaam 0 at Cockbill Street 1
Snub Nose 38 3 at The Weegies 0
Larkinia - bye

Matchday 9 Results
Arridia 2 at Larkinia 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at Cockbill Street 2
Snub Nose 38 - bye

Matchday 10 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Larkinia 0
Arridia 4 at East Spaam 1
A nation 1 at Sensual Products 0
Evisceratomatoes forfeits (3 goals) to Cockbill Street
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 11 Results
Larkinia 1 at Evisceratomatoes 4
Arridia 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Sensual Products 0 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Group 1 Remaining Schedule
Matchday 12
Snub Nose 38 at East Spaam
Arridia at The Weegies
A nation at Larkinia
Cockbill Street at Sensual Products
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 13
Larkinia at Cockbill Street
East Spaam at The Weegies
A nation at Snub Nose 38
Evisceratomatoes at Arridia
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 14
Snub Nose 38 at Sensual Products
Arridia at Cockbill Street
East Spaam at Larkinia
The Weegies at Evisceratomatoes
A nation - bye

Matchday 15
Larkinia at Sensual Products
A nation at Arridia
Evisceratomatoes at Snub Nose 38
Cockbill Street at The Weegies
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 16
Snub Nose 38 at Cockbill Street
East Spaam at A nation
Sensual Products at Evisceratomatoes
The Weegies at Larkinia
Arridia - bye

Matchday 17
Sensual Products at Arridia
Evisceratomatoes at A nation
Cockbill Street at East Spaam
The Weegies at Snub Nose 38
Larkinia - bye

Matchday 18
Larkinia at Arridia
East Spaam at Evisceratomatoes
Sensual Products at The Weegies
Cockbill Street at A nation
Snub Nose 38 - bye

'Slavia Deck Svecia pt II
1-0 win takes 'slaves to 2nd

Audioslavia played host to a struggling Svecia side today in an important match for both sides.

Svecia, lying fifth after eight games, needed a win to get themselves back on track in the hunt for World Cup X. Audioslavia, considering their poor away record, needed to win this and most of their home games to stand a realistic chance of qualifying.

The game lived up to all expectations for the first half hour, as both sides enjoyed possesion and countless shots on goal. After half-time however, with both sides frustrated at the 0-0 scoreline, the match degenerated, bogged up with fouls, bookings, and a red card for a Svecia full-back for a harsh challenge on Lever.

First blood went to Audioslavia on 77 minutes. The 'slaves attacking had been relentless in the 10 minutes previous, and the pressure on the Svecian defenders got the better of them as first a defender let the ball run under his foot, and the goalkeeper let Wayne Bury's tame shot run under his arm.

Svecia put pressure on in the dying minutes, but their ventures in the Audioslavian half never looked like paying off as the 'slaves trademark wall-like defence kept them at bay.

Final Score

Audioslavia 1 (Bury 77)
Svecia 0

[code:1:ebf6ab5852]Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 9 8 0 1 21 8 +13 24
Audioslavia (18) 9 6 0 3 16 7 +9 18
Clearwater (80) 8 5 2 1 13 7 +6 17
The Dragonian Empire (57) 9 4 2 3 17 15 +2 14
Svecia (22) 9 4 1 4 16 11 +5 13
Zinkoland (67) 9 4 3 2 11 7 +4 13
Citta Acqua 9 1 1 7 4 16 -12 7
Dauragons 9 2 0 7 5 15 -10 6
Davii 9 1 1 7 1 18 -17 4 [/code:1:ebf6ab5852]

The win puts a little space between the 'slaves and The Dragonian Empire who currently lie fourth. With two of the dangerous teams losing - The Dragonian Empire and Svecia - and Zinkoland's draw with lowly Davii, The 'slaves put a four-point gap between them and fourth spot.

Ravenspire's away win against TDE has increased their lead at the top to an impressive six points, but Clearwater, with a game in hand over the two sides above them, could claim that back in their next game away to Zinkoland. It looks like the results between the five ranked sides (not including Ravenspire) will decide the group.

In the other group 8 match, Citta Acqua were defeated 1-0 at home by Dauragons.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, gnite bitches

Sowhatsville News - early edition

Crewgar double sinks Commerce Heights.

Halfassed kept up their tremendous away form with a narrow 2-1 win over group leaders Commerce Heights.

The result leaves the group table looking like this

Official tables after Matchday 10:
[code:1:b32f43623d]
Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 9 7 1 1 16 5 +11 22
Liverpool England (2) 9 5 2 2 16 7 +9 17
Halfassedstates (19) 9 5 2 2 14 10 +4 17
Morawny (59) 9 4 2 3 12 6 +6 14
Akbarland (51) 9 3 5 1 14 12 +2 14
Kravoli (81) 9 2 3 4 8 12 -4 9
Pavesia 9 2 1 6 8 15 -7 7
EL CID THE HERO 9 1 3 5 5 15 -10 6
The Arrivian Alliance 8 0 3 5 6 17 -11 3
[/code:1:b32f43623d]

Next for Halfassed is another away-day, this time to Akbarland.

OCC: CH - I'll let you RP the match cause I just know you wanted a loss to play with :wink: :wink:

(OOC: It's about time that it happened...but I still intend to qualify at the top of the group :twisted: )
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Halfassed Hands First Loss To Bulldogs, Quigley Pounds In 25th Career Goal
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs had almost tied their streak of 9 consecutive games without a loss from World Cup 8 when they faced their third real challenge of the campaign. Halfassedstates, a team which the Bulldogs had already beaten 2-0 on the road, is ranked only 4 places ahead of Commerce Heights, but Crewgar responded quickly after Quigley scored his 25th international goal over 49 games. After Vojtilo let in the first goal, only the 4th he had allowed up to that point in WC10 qualifying, Cahalane, Deppiesse, and Decker bounced the ball back and forth, trying to get a shot at the goal to put the Bulldogs back in the lead. However, Crewgar managed to get the ball back with some help from the HAS defenders, and scored a late second goal to bring defeat to the Bulldogs.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Quigley 57)
(19) Halfassedstates 2 (Crewgar 62, 86) - FT
With LE managing only a draw with Akbarland, the Bulldogs still retain the top spot by 5 points:
[code:1:6606bf0108]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 9 7 1 1 16 5 +11 22
Liverpool England (2) 9 5 2 2 16 7 +9 17
Halfassedstates (19) 9 5 2 2 14 10 +4 17
Morawny (58) 9 4 2 3 12 6 +6 14
Akbarland (51) 9 3 5 1 14 12 +2 14
Kravoli (81) 9 2 3 4 8 12 -4 9
Pavesia 9 2 1 6 8 15 -7 7
EL CID THE HERO 9 1 3 5 5 15 -10 6
The Arrivian Alliance 8 0 3 5 6 17 -11 3[/code:1:6606bf0108]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:6606bf0108] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 49 10 13 17 9
Wins 26 3 6 10 7
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 14 4 3 6 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.4 62.6 81.7 69.3 75.6
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.6 gpg
Goal Differential +19 -3 +5 +6 +11
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:6606bf0108]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:6606bf0108]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 9 5 0.56
C. Deppiesse 9 4 0.44
J. Cahalane 9 3 0.33
K. Decker 9 2 0.22
K. DeGraffenreid 9 1 0.11
F. Wallace 9 1 0.11

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 9 5 0.56

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 49 25 0.51
C. Deppiesse..** 26 9 0.35
J. Cahalane**** 48 13 0.27
K. Decker**** 49 13 0.27
M. McCormick.^^^ 9 2 0.22
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 28 5 0.18
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 9 1 0.11
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 48 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 42 49 1.17
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:6606bf0108]

OOC: :D:D:D No defeat for me though, but as the Kangaroo puts it *flicks IC*:

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DODDLE

Kaze Progressa's dominant position in Group 6 was maintained last night, but not before a flirtation with that ugly chick labelled 'humiliation', whose only saving grace was a great cleavage - a Social one, no less.

Ultimately, it was an 84th-minute volley from Faiwe Irafma that ensured the Progressans three more points against Social Cleavage, who had suffered a defeat by the same 1-0 scoreline, through a goal from the same player, in their new international stadium's first game right back in the beginning of the campaign.

As was the case then, the defensive midfield was the key to the victory, but the attack was blunt throughout the first half, placing the defence under an unnecessary amount of pressure, even if that was relatively small. Ekazen Waulino, who missed that first meeting through injury, came closest, a pot-shot from 25 yards forcing the keeper to show off a bit of beginner-level gymnastics to punch the ball clear.

The second half was fairly dire, but it became evident that the Social Separatists were being broken down. That certainly accelerated when Fayu Owa, hero of the match against Kingsford, came on, his outrageous trickery splitting the Cleavage defence. It was his lob six minutes from time, after a double body-swerve reminiscent of a slalom skier opened up space, that was volleyed home by Irafma. Immense relief filled most of the 99,543 fans in the Progressair Stadium (Social Cleavage fans draped 'Go Separatist Chicks!' banners in the empty spaces) as the Progressans maintained their 100% home record.

Phoenix nation Dead Man are next here, before Keyshona complete the run of four straight teams to come to Kaza. Next time, there could be many more, if the Progressan co-host bid with Commerce Heights is successful.

Kumbaya we won, Kumbaya!

Spaam last night scored their second win in a row, defeating Kumbaya 2-1 at home in Natûl. However, critics remains pessimistic about Spaam's qualifying chances. A member of the WCIII qualifying team, Ari Kewl, claims that this is yet another taunt by the cruel gods.
"We have never had an easy run in the Qualifiers. I think only once were we guaranteed to qualify BEFORE the last match, in our long WC history. We all remember the events of the WCIII qualifying, when we only needed a draw or better against the last place team, Zinkoland, to qualify, and yet we lost. And with the quality of our team waning from the great days of WCVI and WCVII, I just don't think we have it in us. Ever since Lehua Hoopai became coach, and ever since East Spaam entered into the sport, we have endured incredible bad luck in the competition. We might still have a chance, but I can guarantee you, we will be heartbroken by the end of qualifying."

Economists Predict Recession in Iansisle’s Future
Ians win 1-0 at Defari

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

DEFARI -- The last time the Iansisle Ians were playing against fifty-fifth ranked Defari, smug gamblers, many of whom had seen the team practice, confidently predicted that they would finish dead last in their group. That day, the Ians didn’t even need a win in order to celebrate ‘not losing too badly’ and the gambling industry, one of the largest private sectors in Iansisle, felt its first quake.

Today, the Ians probably would have been satisfied with a draw, but goalkeeper Benny Answorth was playing like a man possessed. The clearly superior Defari squad managed nearly twice as many scoring chances, but each time found Answorth right in the ball’s way. In the middle of the second half, a lucky shot off the boot of striker Leonard Flaherty snuck past the Defari defense, paving the road for Iansisle’s third win of the qualifiers.

“I’ve never been so distraught,” said bookmaker Chuckie Ward while watching the game’s final seconds tick off. “Do you know how many people I offered odds to on that bunch of bums finishing dead last? A lot, that’s how many!”

With a record of 3 wins, 3 draws, and 3 losses and an overall positive goal differential, the Ians don’t appear to be headed to the basement any time soon.

“It’s a good thing I got those tickets to Brazil,” said Ward, tapping off his pipe as the match ended. “Like I always said, discretion in the better part of valor, eh?” As he stood up to leave for his flat at #16 West Mindanao Street, Ward added “This is all off record, isn’t it?”

Scuttlebutt - International Edition

Dovers Past and Present
Bendoverland Mike Easter, aspn wire

Ben Dover is a name much in the news of late. We have two Ben Dover reports today - and the stories are about two different Ben Dovers.

My first "Ben Dover" Story came to me while on assignment here in Bendoverland. I came upon a childrens' storybook about a man named "Ben Dover". Since I was already in the library checking facts for another story, I did a little research - and found that the childrens' storybook was really recounting history.

Many years ago the great-great-great grand father of Ben Dover (he who until recently was the Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans) saved the great-great grandfather of the current Bendoverlandian Dictator, Humpus Maximum, from being trampled to death by a herd of elephants that were stampeding their way down Main Street in Snub Nose 38 after escaping from the zoo. Some years later, when that man emigrated from Snub Nose 38 with a small band of courageous folk, to found a new country for themselve, he named that new land "Bendoverland" in honor of that Ben Dover of ages gone by.

The second "Ben Dover" story of the day - Ben Dover has once again been appointed by The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38, on the recommendation of the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, as the Manager of the Hooligans. He replaces Sal Manela, who - well, who seems to have simply disappeared.

Ben and his wife, Eileen Dover, celebrated their re-appointment to the Hooligans with a 2-0 victory over Larkinia today.

Ufwurz Furious with the Referee

All Square at Mount Doom as Wizards Fail to Defeat Unfancied Koennerstien

From our news services...

Matchday 10, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Warnocks Wizards chances of world cup qualifying came crashing down to Earth with a disappointing draw against Koennerstien last night. The Wizards were riding a three match win streak into the contest, but were left taking only one point from the encounter. Ghazghash the Sleazy’s goal was negated by a controversial penalty late in the second half, leaving Wizards management seething at the post-match press conference.

Manager Ufwurz the Furious name an unchanged side from the one that so confidently dispatched the Microbrits last week. The Wizards began the game brightly against the side that had previously bored the National Team to alligator tears in a 0-0 draw to start the world cup qualifying calender. Ghazghash the Sleazy was orchestrating a quick passing game from the centre of the park. His quick ball to Akhklash the Emaciated released the rangy winger whose cross found an unmarked Ashmazh the Tough. The Uruk’Hai target man was unlucky not to put one past Koennerstien’s Unnamed Player in goal. The ball grazed the left post, and the score remained even at nil. Gabdul the Looter later had a chance, but his effort was blocked by defender Unnamed Player, and the ball trickled harmlessly wide. Ishklash the Snooty was left fuming as his teammate did not see the open player. Ghazukh the Burner nearly converted a corner just before halftime, but Unnamed Player was there for the save. 0-0 at the half, but the Wizards were well in control of the match.

The visitors kicked off the second half and had their only real valid chance of the match. Unnamed Player’s well struck shot from eighteen yards was pushed around the post by a diving Urklok the Despoiler. Bagdreg the Mauler had a good effort a few minutes later, but Unnamed Player was well positioned in Koennerstien’s goal. Finally, the Red and White Wizards opened the scoring on 58 minutes. Gabdul the Looter was fouled just outside the penalty arc by defender Unnamed Player. For the ensuing free kick, Gabdul and Bagdreg the Mauler collided in front of the ball, distracting the Koennerstien players. Ghazghash the Sleazy strode up to the ball amidst the confusion and struck the ball past the dense keeper. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards and the crowd were loving it. With the home side easing towards victory and a crucial three points, controversy made an appearance in the 89th minute at Fortress Warnock. Mausnik the Cleaver sneezed on Unnamed Player in the Wizards box, and the Koennerstien player went down as if impaled by a Uruk’Hai battering ram. The myopic referee pointed to the spot and Manager Ufwurz went beserk in the dugout. With the crowd chanting, “Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!” the Koennerstien thespian was cured by the magic sponge, leaped to life, and struck the penalty by the diving Urklok. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 1, Koennerstien 1.

The result left Ufwurz seething: “It’s these sort of matches that keep a nation from advancing to the World Cup. A ranked side must defeat a team of unranked, unnamed clones on their home turf. We put in the practice and effort and must come away with all three points in these sorts of encounters. Today we’ve been robbed by a referee, who were he to find another eye, could audition for the part of a cyclops in an ancient tragedy.” The Wizards will have a week off before they face their next opposition in world cup qualifying. Let’s hope the tragedy can be turned into comedy when the Wizards visit reigning World Cup champions Europa Brittania.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Gabdul the Looter (Burzgob the Butcher 72), Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Globdreg the Destroyer, Zagag the Sleak.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

DAILY CROCODILE

Curse still intact

There must have been some corruption in the ticket sales, because the crowd for the Tanah Burung v Lemmitania match at Cliffside Stadium was made up almsot entirely of chanting members of the 24-Hour Church of Gil. "Come back Gil," they shouted. Then others shouted "He already 'as!"

And all their talk was about the curse that hangs over Tanah Burung when it comes to matters Lemming. "It's cuz of the 'ellmouth," said one Gil-worshipper, pissed to the gills, four sails to the wind, etcetera. We asked Bi Kikere for comment.

"There's no such thing as 'ellmouths," she said. "I mean, hellmouths. Christ, they've got me doing it now. 'Ellmouth, my hass."

Still, a hard-fought match saw Rosa Bibere entirely unable to run rings around the other team, and no long passes to the powerful boot of Taur Matan Ruak that were too strong for the goalkeeper. Just a single Lemming goal.

In a postgame interview, disappointed defender Alex Manupatty had this to say: "I blame this loss on my team mates, the fans, and the coaching staff. But most of all, i blame God."

Bedraggled, half-drowned, a fat man washes up on the shores of FIFA. Sentient vegetables, still weeping slightly, lift him tenderly from the waters. Across the horizon, we can see the gently-humming Waman machines.

The Evisceratomatoes dry the fat man off. Perhaps he is not so much fat, as over-fed. They carry him, whispering re-assuring noises, to their leader.

"Welcome to the Free Land of Evisceratomatoes," says Nate E. Visser (for it is him). "I believe you know a little something of the game we call football?"

"Oh yeah," says Sal Manela, standing up gingerly. "Those Larkinians won't know what hit them."

"Behold, my little mushrooms," Nate shouts! "We're back in business!"

BSTV Sports Tonight
with Joey Stanton

JS: Hello and welcome to BSTV Sports Tonight. I'm Joey Stanton; Sam Murphy is out on vacation.

All right, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. The Lions didn't play today, which may be a blessing the way we're going, so let's just have a look at what's going on everywhere.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Arridia (20) 9 8 0 1 22 7 +15 24
Snub Nose 38 (6) 9 6 1 2 15 5 +10 19
The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 +6 19
Cockbill Street 9 4 0 5 7 8 -1 12
East Spaam (33) 9 3 1 5 10 12 -2 10
A nation 9 3 1 5 5 10 -5 10
Evisceratomatoes (74) 9 2 2 5 5 12 -7 8
Sensual Products (63) 9 2 1 6 8 14 -6 7
Larkinia 9 1 3 5 4 14 -10 6 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Ariddia and Snub Nose 6 top Group 1; pretty much as expected. The Weegies putting up a very strong fight, behind Snub Nose only on goal difference, and Cockbill Street has ascended to fourth place after the Evisceratomatoes forfeit.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Lowland Clans (43) 9 7 0 2 21 7 +14 21
Tanah Burung (24) 9 7 0 2 14 4 +10 21
Lemmitania (8) 9 6 1 2 14 8 +6 19
Busby (17) 9 5 2 2 13 8 +5 17
Belmorian Scandinavian (66) 9 4 1 4 10 11 -1 13
Stealth zerbert 8 1 5 2 6 8 -2 8
Agnosticium 9 2 2 5 5 11 -6 8
Canadian Power Trip 9 1 2 6 3 13 -10 5
Fradustanis 9 0 1 8 3 19 -16 1 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Group 2. The Lowland Clans having an awesome run, ahead of Tanah Burung on goal difference. The ever-present Lemmitania is doing nicely as well, and Busby is definitely in the running.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Europa Brittania (1) 9 7 1 1 21 6 +15 22
Runaway Moose (13) 8 6 2 0 18 8 +10 20
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 9 5 1 3 17 14 +3 16
Lanky dude (53) 9 5 0 4 15 11 +4 15
Warnocks Wizards (34) 9 4 2 3 11 10 +1 14
Koennerstein 9 2 4 3 8 12 -4 10
Jaurania 9 2 2 5 7 16 -9 8
USAnia 9 1 2 6 5 13 -8 5
Microbrits 9 0 2 7 5 17 -12 2 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Not surprisingly, the defending champs top Group 3, and the BGS seems to have been right with their strong rating of Runaway Moose. TnUI is holding on to third place, just ahead of the team to whom they lost 5-1, and although Warnocks Wizards is in fifth, they're not far out of the qualifying slots.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts
Timway (41) 9 6 3 0 16 5 +11 21
CallMeBernard (64) 8 6 1 1 16 6 +10 19
The Belmore Family (9) 9 5 2 2 19 6 +13 17
Antaeus Rising (40) 9 4 2 3 15 9 +6 14
Gesamtkuntswerk (11) 9 4 2 3 14 10 +4 14
Monotonous Monarchy 9 2 3 4 4 13 -9 9
The most holy Kesler 8 1 3 5 4 14 -10 6
Great Boogie 9 1 3 5 2 16 -14 6
Nadaskor 9 1 1 7 4 15 -11 4 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Timway is making a nice rebound after the poor performance in World Cup 9, and CallMeBernard is having an incredible time. TBF holds third, three points ahead of the battling Antaeus Rising and Gesamtkuntswerk.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oglethorpia (5) 9 8 0 1 26 5 +21 24
Nikea (31) 8 6 1 1 12 6 +6 19
NASTIC 2 (60) 9 5 3 1 11 6 +5 18
Rejistania (38) 9 4 3 2 16 14 +2 15
Haraki (15) 9 4 2 3 15 8 +7 14
Senoj 9 3 1 5 5 13 -8 10
SPARTEN 9 2 0 8 3 13 -10 6
Irrevilentsdom 9 1 2 6 4 16 -12 5
Grigala 9 1 0 8 4 15 -11 3 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Our friends in Oglethorpia hold a commanding lead in Group 5, with Nikea and Nastic also doing well. I'd be willing to bet Rejistania moves past Nastic though, and Haraki is still in the running too.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Kaze Progressa (26) 9 8 0 1 13 3 +10 24
Eauz (44) 9 5 2 2 14 5 +9 17
Spaam (37) 9 4 4 1 10 5 +5 16
Kingsford (10) 8 4 3 1 14 6 +8 15
Keyshona (48) 9 4 2 3 7 11 -4 14
Social Cleavage 9 2 4 3 5 6 -1 10
Kumba ya 9 1 3 5 4 13 -9 6
Scabara 9 0 3 6 2 11 -9 3
Dead Man 9 0 3 6 2 12 -10 3 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Now THAT's a lead -- Kaze Progressa over Eauz by a good seven points. Second through fifth tightly packed, with #10 Kingsford not in a qualifying position. [OOC: :P]

We'll save Group 7 for last, so let's move on to Group 8:

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 9 8 0 1 21 8 +13 24
Audioslavia (18) 9 6 0 3 16 7 +9 18
Clearwater (80) 8 5 2 1 13 7 +6 17
The Dragonian Empire (57) 9 4 2 3 17 15 +2 14
Svecia (22) 9 4 1 4 16 11 +5 13
Zinkoland (67) 9 4 3 2 11 7 +4 13
Dauragons 9 2 0 7 5 15 -10 6
Citta Acqua 9 1 1 7 4 16 -12 4
Davii 9 1 1 7 1 18 -17 4[/code:1:0b9eb77593]

There seems to be some sort of string of large first-place leads, and Ravenspire is no exception. #80 Clearwater is really making a fine showing in third on 17 points.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 9 7 1 1 16 5 +11 22
Liverpool England (2) 9 5 2 2 16 7 +9 17
Halfassedstates (19) 9 5 2 2 14 10 +4 17
Morawny (59) 9 4 2 3 12 6 +6 14
Akbarland (51) 9 3 5 1 14 12 +2 14
Kravoli (81) 9 2 3 4 8 12 -4 9
Pavesia 9 2 1 6 8 15 -7 7
EL CID THE HERO 9 1 3 5 5 15 -10 6
The Arrivian Alliance 8 0 3 5 6 17 -11 3 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Group 9...well, at least one team from Paripana is performing. Despite Commerce Heights receiving their first loss today, they still have a five-point cushion over Liverpool and Halfassed. Past them, really nothing of note here.

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oddslavo (21) 9 8 0 1 20 9 +11 24
Aquilla (27) 8 5 2 1 18 11 +7 17
Squornshelous (12) 9 5 2 2 17 11 +6 17
Defari (55) 9 4 0 5 14 13 +1 12
Iansisle 9 3 3 3 8 7 +1 12
Anti-nazis (69) 9 3 2 4 13 13 0 11
Oreo Cookie 9 2 1 6 4 11 -7 7
Sliponia 9 1 4 4 3 10 -7 7
Big Butts 9 1 2 6 3 15 -12 5 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

Group 10 showcases another 7-point lead, this time by Oddslavo. Aquilla is very unluckily in second place, though I'm confident they will fall to at least fifth by the time it's all over. Here we also have the best new World Cup team: Iansisle, with a 3-3-3 record, behind 4th-place Defari only on goals for. If any unranked team manages to qualify, it's gonna be Iansisle. I'll bet money on that.

And finally, we return to Group 7:

[code:1:0b9eb77593]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Dennisov (14) 9 8 1 0 19 2 +17 25
Dark Outcasts (28) 9 6 1 2 15 5 +10 19
LordSquall (47) 9 5 1 3 13 6 +7 16
Bedistan (4) 8 4 2 2 8 4 +4 14
SterlingIce (61) 9 4 2 3 9 9 0 14
Kerla 9 2 2 5 6 13 -7 8
Oilermania 9 2 1 6 5 14 -9 7
New Montreal States 9 2 0 7 6 11 -5 6
Kamakaza 9 1 2 6 4 19 -15 5 [/code:1:0b9eb77593]

For once, Dennisov didn't win -- they could manage only a draw against Dark Outcasts. A New Montreal States win over SterlingIce allows the Lions to remain fourth in the group. Note Bedistan's strangely low number of goals scored -- only eight. To quote Stats Progressa, "Two points shy of a qualifying spot courtesy of the least potent attacking force ever seen outside of newbie nations." That seems to be true -- no team in the top 50 has scored fewer goals, with the exception of #48 Keyshona. Bedistan is currently the worst-performing top 32 team, behind Gesamtkuntswerk on -- what else? -- goals for.

And that'll do it for our quick overview. Join us next week for our coverage of the away match against bottom-dwellers Kamakaza. For BSTV, I'm Joey Stanton. Good night.

Despite playing at their stadium, the players of Big Butts were too fat for their own good, and were defeated 3-0 by the Eagles. They were so bad that our three defenders scored the three goals. After the match we laughed at them for a good five minutes and then packed up and left. We didn't play today, and tomorrow...I can't remember.

High Schoolers do it again!

Major upset over ranked power SterlingIce

Paul Chantclaire and Benoit Bresseaux of Frog's Academy each scored in the first half as the Paladins pulled off a major upset over heavily favored (and 61-ranked) SterlingIce.

"My god," said IPA spokewoman Julie Labrique. "Did I just see that happen?"

That was the general reaction across the nation as inebriated fans took to the streets in celebration. Celebrating shut down the Capital of New Montreal as the high schoolers in question hailed from that particular place.

Drug consumption hit an all-time low as many stoners decided to save their money as a "pretty good hallucination" was taking place on their TVs - LSD not required.

For tonight's "Monday Night Football" game against Kerla, Etiennebourg Esperance, Etiennebourg St-Pierre and the Etiennebourg Junior Naval Academy will pool their talent. The game has been moved from the Paladin Dome to the 87,560-capacity Etiennebourg Fields to continue boosting the popularity of the sport by letting the town watch its local boys represent the nation.

(OOC: Just some fun since I didn't have a match to RP today. Nikeans are quite proud of their national achievements. All of my posts can be considered translated into English, as it's not the language of the country.)

Queldas Hikari - Sports - Page 2

Nikeans 'Offended' by Bedistani Commentator's Predictions
-Teresinrë Mirsentel

Satellite television is a common luxury for many Nikean citizens. A simple drive through the suburbs of any major Nikean city will find the small dishes on the rooftops of almost every home, and when Nikeans have nothing better to do, they often relax in front of the television to watch a movie or watch shows from foreign nations.

Most Nikeans also have a strong command of the English language. While it is not recognized by the government as an official language of the Queldereno Estati, English is taught in schools from the first day of primary school, and is mandatory up until the final school year of a child's school life, at the age of 17 or 18, depending on birthday. This intense education, as well as the satellite television which brings so many English-language shows into Nikean homes, leads to 95% of Nikean citizens being 90% fluent or better in the English language.

So when many of Nikea's football fans tuned in to watch coverage of qualifying matches from other nations, since the Pandas had a bye this week, many found a show called "BSTV Sports Tonight", a Bedistani sports programme which, as it happened this night, was reviewing each of the groups.

"I thought it was a great chance to catch up on what was going on in the football world," said Orsenol resident Makirin Limentel. "I caught the show just as they were finishing group two, but I knew that many of my friends down at the office would have seen it and filled me in."

Limentel was excited to see a foreign opinion on the Pandas when the show's host, one Joey Stanton, came up to group five. Limentel was shocked to hear what was said.

"This fellow said Oglethorpia had a 'commanding lead'," Limentel said, the anger apparent in his voice. "Sure, he mentioned us, but only saying that us and Nastic were 'doing well'. Perhaps he didn't see one of the world's biggest games back on matchday 6, when the Pandas walked into Oglethorpia and not only beat them, but kept them and their 26 goal offence right off the scoresheet. And I guess he didn't take into account that the Pandas are still in second place despite having played one less game than everyone else in the group."

When Limentel consulted with his friends down in their Queldas office building, he found that his pals were equally shocked and angered.

"Well, Kar [fellow Orsenol resident Karinen Lasiniuene] said that just because the WorstTeam has a +21 goal differential doesn't make their lead commanding. Sure, he said, they may be up 5 points now, but when we beat them again, we'll end up on top of the group since everyone knows we're going to win all our remaining games. We all agreed that it made sense, which isn't surprising since Kar is the smart one amongst all of us."

Limentel is organizing a letter campaign that will be sent to the BSTV headquarters in an attempt to get "this obviously biased buffoon" fired. Letters can be sent to Mr. Limentel through the Queldas Hikari offices.

'Doing well' indeed.

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues smash SPARTEN
Chaos broke out in whole Rejistania after the Orange-Blues won against unranked side SPARTEN. Normally that would be considered normal after a victory, but this time, it was even much for rejistanian standards. The reason for this was the victory, which was the highest in the orange-blue history, the first 3-0. The Orange-Blues have won till now 11 games by the GD 1, one game by the GD 2 and this match by the GD 3 (normally the Junis-Omeh get defeated that high).

SPARTEN started defensive, they still remebered their home loss against us and didn't want to risk much. The Orange-Blues started more aggresive than usual. SyLy had his first chance in the 2nd minute, but unfortunatly SPARTENs keeper prevented the early lead. In the 7th minute, he could not react fast enough, as SyLy again challenged him, the score was 1-0. During the 30th minute, SyLy doubled the lead: A corner was shot by Linkosa'he, a header by SyLy, the SPARTENian keeper reached the ball, but could not hold it, a shot by SyLy - and the score was 2-0. In the second half, the game became unfair as the SPARTENs, tried by all means to prevent a loss. PLAYER'he fouled Linkosa'he 64th minute and was booked. The following free kck was Su'he's task - the ball sailed past the SPARTENian keeper, 3-0. The fans celebrated, as if Rejistania just won the world cup. The SPARTENian fans left the stadium mostly before the final whistle, but they did not miss any chances of the SPARTENians, since they had very few in the whole match.

The result:
Rejistania 3 (Lyku 7th, 30th, Su 64th)
SPARTEN 0

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 8
Su: 4
Linkosa: 1
Sines: 1

EDIT: YASMOT (yet another sh*tty mass of typoes)

ASNN - Stars victory combined with TB loss means group title still in view
Fleury scores twice to lead powerhouse offense to share first with 2 others

The Lowland Clans national team, the ASLC Stars, today have much to be happy about. With their 2-1 win of the Fraudistanis, they vaulted themselves into the divison lead. Unfortunately, with the huge Tanah Burung-Lemmentia still to come, players had no idea if they were to again sit atop the group again or face the bleak still-only-second routine from journalists across the nation. But Lemmentia paid them a huge favor, winning 1-0 over Tanah Burung, which gave the Stars something to hope for. Manager Ian Ferrel said in a press conference after the Lemmentia game, "With this victory, all of the people of the Allied States have hope that we may yet become the world cup champions

TLC Stars 2 - 1 Fraudistanis
Gavin Fleury (12, 43)

5 Goals are a LOT!

Last Night, Les Bleus put on amazing show at Keyshona ( 48 ), posting 5 goals in their best showing of the season. The Coach could not believe still that his team actually posted a 5 spot, and didn't give up one goal during the Match. He said, "I must have said something amazing in that locker room, cause this is insaine. Everyone gets free Beer and whiskey tonight!" In the First half, 3 goals were scored, 2 in the last 10 min of the half. in the second, 1 corner kick went in, and finally, to top it all off, a player from the Keyshona team put in the 5th goal accidently.

Eauz took the series against Keyshona 1 Win, 1 Tie and 0 Loses. Tomorrow, Les Bleus will come back home to Zuka and host Kumba ya which Les Bleus took the last game 3-0. Great expectations are on this next game.

Half way through the season, and Les Bleus are in 2nd place of their division, now all the hope is on them to actually finish in a reasonable place, rather then slump at the end like they usually do...

[code:1:4562fef781]
Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Kaze Progressa (26) 9 8 0 1 13 3 +10 24
Eauz (44) 9 5 2 2 14 5 +9 17
Spaam (37) 9 4 4 1 10 5 +5 16
Kingsford (10) 8 4 3 1 14 6 +8 15
Keyshona (48) 9 4 2 3 7 11 -4 14
Social Cleavage 9 2 4 3 5 6 -1 10
Kumba ya 9 1 3 5 4 13 -9 6
Scabara 9 0 3 6 2 11 -9 3
Dead Man 9 0 3 6 2 12 -10 3
[/code:1:4562fef781]

Cheevers Breaks Twice

The scoring machine of Dark Outcast versus Gerry 'the hoover' Cheevers.
Dark Outcast 5-0 win just before they came to Dennisov was indeed a warning.

Cheevers played well throughout the game, broke his own record but failed to keep Dennisov's perfect record alive.

Game 9
Dennisov - Dark Outcast 1-1

11th minute: Gillies 1-0
84th minute: Geddes 1-1

All went according to plan for Dennisov. Already after 11 minutes Dennisov was enjoying a 1-0 lead when Goulet and Gillies set up eachother, slicing through the Dark Outcast defense. Gillies hammered the ball passed Tyrion Myasion in the roof of the goal.
They seemed to enjoy their lead and could have gone 2-0 up when Gillies found Conacher on the edge of the box. The midfielder volleyed the ball onto the goal. Myasion managed to get a hand to it sending the ball via the post out of the goal.
After 30 minutes, Roy Conacher took a free kick just outside the area, but once again luck was not on his side as the ball hit the cross bar back into play.

The second half saw a shift in play as Dark Outcast shook off their nerves and started to play their own kind of football.
From that moment on, Dennisov was forced into defending. This did allow both Goulet and Gillies some good chances, but Dark Outcast got the best after Ben Torros saw his attempt cleared from the line by Provonost. The follow-up was remarkably saved by Cheevers who somehow managed to get a foot to a powerful shot by Karl Geddes.
With only 15 minutes left to play the game seemed to go Dennisov's way . Dark Outcast changed their style yet again, trying to get the ball into the Dennisov penalty area quick and early.
Provonost, Laviolette and Leduc had their hands full with the Dark Outcast forwards.
An ill-timed header by Provonost allowed Harker an excellent chance at scoring, only to find Cheevers on his path to keep the ball out of the net. Provonost cleared the ball, and again unfortunately, sliced the ball behind for a last minute corner.
Rico Paulis curled the ball into the area where Geddes jumped higher than Laviolette to edge the ball towards net. Cheevers nor Laroche were able to prevent the ball from sailing into the net.

"It had to happen at one time or the other," Lemieux said after the game, "we should have put another one passed them in the first half, but we were unlucky."

Dennisov will now travel to Oilermania who won their away game at LordSquall.

"We need to pick up our game and make sure we don't think about this game anymore," captain Clark Gillies said, "if we win that one, and I'm sure we should be able to, we are almost certain of qualification. Mario (Lemieux) is getting more grumpy by the day for missing the golf course."

Cheevers played well yet again, he broke the record in spite of the draw. With the goal in the 84th minute, he had kept his goal clean for 442 minutes.
Let's hope he can do some more of that magic in the remaining 6 games.

tag

tag

Cheevers Breaks Twice

The scoring machine of Dark Outcast versus Gerry 'the hoover' Cheevers.
Dark Outcast 5-0 win just before they came to Dennisov was indeed a warning.

Cheevers played well throughout the game, broke his own record but failed to keep Dennisov's perfect record alive.

Game 9
Dennisov - Dark Outcast 1-1

11th minute: Gillies 1-0
84th minute: Geddes 1-1

All went according to plan for Dennisov. Already after 11 minutes Dennisov was enjoying a 1-0 lead when Goulet and Gillies set up eachother, slicing through the Dark Outcast defense. Gillies hammered the ball passed Tyrion Myasion in the roof of the goal.
They seemed to enjoy their lead and could have gone 2-0 up when Gillies found Conacher on the edge of the box. The midfielder volleyed the ball onto the goal. Myasion managed to get a hand to it sending the ball via the post out of the goal.
After 30 minutes, Roy Conacher took a free kick just outside the area, but once again luck was not on his side as the ball hit the cross bar back into play.

The second half saw a shift in play as Dark Outcast shook off their nerves and started to play their own kind of football.
From that moment on, Dennisov was forced into defending. This did allow both Goulet and Gillies some good chances, but Dark Outcast got the best after Ben Torros saw his attempt cleared from the line by Provonost. The follow-up was remarkably saved by Cheevers who somehow managed to get a foot to a powerful shot by Karl Geddes.
With only 15 minutes left to play the game seemed to go Dennisov's way . Dark Outcast changed their style yet again, trying to get the ball into the Dennisov penalty area quick and early.
Provonost, Laviolette and Leduc had their hands full with the Dark Outcast forwards.
An ill-timed header by Provonost allowed Harker an excellent chance at scoring, only to find Cheevers on his path to keep the ball out of the net. Provonost cleared the ball, and again unfortunately, sliced the ball behind for a last minute corner.
Rico Paulis curled the ball into the area where Geddes jumped higher than Laviolette to edge the ball towards net. Cheevers nor Laroche were able to prevent the ball from sailing into the net.

"It had to happen at one time or the other," Lemieux said after the game, "we should have put another one passed them in the first half, but we were unlucky."

Dennisov will now travel to Oilermania who won their away game at LordSquall.

"We need to pick up our game and make sure we don't think about this game anymore," captain Clark Gillies said, "if we win that one, and I'm sure we should be able to, we are almost certain of qualification. Mario (Lemieux) is getting more grumpy by the day for missing the golf course."

Cheevers played well yet again, he broke the record in spite of the draw. With the goal in the 84th minute, he had kept his goal clean for 442 minutes.
Let's hope he can do some more of that magic in the remaining 6 games.

Ohh i was gonna RP that match oh well we can't have everything eh? Just like a win against you. never mind

Ohh i was gonna RP that match oh well we can't have everything eh? Just like a win against you. never mind

Please go right ahead, I will alter my post to match yours, though it occured to me that alternate realities are possible.
(i.e. NMS v Dennisov has two different reports)

(i.e. NMS v Dennisov has two different reports)

For instance, he reports a blowout win, then I cover replacing my fatally flawed national team with high school students.

[code:1:e32e85e21a]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
3 Arridia (20) 9 8 0 1 22 7 15 24
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 9 6 1 2 15 5 10 19
9 The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 6 19
8 Cockbill Street 9 4 0 5 7 8 -1 12
4 East Spaam (33) 9 3 1 5 10 12 -2 10
5 A nation 9 3 1 5 5 10 -5 10
7 Evisceratomatoes (74)9 2 2 5 5 12 -7 8
6 Sensual Products (63)9 2 1 6 8 14 -6 7
2 Larkinia 9 1 3 5 4 14 -10 6 [/code:1:e32e85e21a]

Weegies Star Sport Report.

So, we're halfway through, and the Weegies are looking uncommonly strong. Six wins, one against the 20th seeds, a draw against the squishy Evisceratomatoes, and a loss to the mighty Snub Nose 68. Although, some have attributed that loss to Mackenzie's odd team selection that night. Leaving out two of the Weegies' star players, Smith and De Bruis, and bringing out uncapped keeper Weir in his first match against the number 6 seeds looked an unwise decision.

And so it proved to be, the Weegies normally punitive defence leaking as many goals as they had conceded through their first six matches, although once De Bruis came on, the attack committed themselves admirably.

Some blamed Weir, but many supporters blamed the stupidity of the manager, Mackenzie, and have called for the Weegie Football Association to fire him. The WFA has taken this into account, and hae called a meeting to discuss the future of Mackenzie's job. Bookies are saying the chances are 50/50 - it's too close to call whether he'll go or not. If he does, many managers in the Premiership may have their eye on the position.

The Weegies play A nation tonight.

OOC: I hope you're happy, SN38, you may have cost someone his job. :wink:

...loss to the mighty Snub Nose 68...some have attributed that loss to Mackenzie's odd team selection that night. Leaving out two of the Weegies' star players, Smith and De Bruis, and bringing out uncapped keeper Weir in his first match against the number 6 seeds looked an unwise decision...Some blamed Weir, but many supporters blamed the stupidity of the manager, Mackenzie, and have called for the Weegie Football Association to fire him. The WFA has taken this into account, and hae called a meeting to discuss the future of Mackenzie's job...
OOC: I hope you're happy, SN38, you may have cost someone his job. :wink:
OOC: Hadda find some excuse for SN38 winning. Perhaps, just perhaps, Weir was in because the normal starting keeper was sick/injured? This could come out in the meeting...

Hadda find some excuse for SN38 winning.

Um... maybe the fact that you are the 6th best team in the world? :roll:

BREAKING NEWS
CH-EL CID THE HERO Game Delayed Due To Blizzard
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - What was previously expected to be a light snow over much of Commerce Heights city has unexpectedly turned into a blizzard, piling a 80-cm snowdrift in the middle of Maxisoft Stadium. Memorial Stadium in New Lexington is being prepared for the match, but the delay will cause the match to be played at around 7 PM instead of the scheduled 4 PM. Due to the somewhat lower capacity of Memorial Stadium, only the first 86,000 ticket holders will be admitted into the stadium. Any non-CupPass ticketholders may contact their local ticket office to receive a full refund if they are unable to enter the stadium.

Hadda find some excuse for SN38 winning.

Um... maybe the fact that you are the 6th best team in the world? :roll:
...oh, yeah...

:wink:

*****ASPN NEWSBREAK*****

We interupt our regular programming in order to provide this update on today's World Cup 10 Qualifying Match between Arridia and Snub Nose 38. The match, which will take place in the Snub Nose 38 national stadium, "38 Special", here in Sten, will be delayed at least two hours, possibly more. The cause of the delay is a terrible blizzard in Commerce Heights (over 80 cm of snow fell in Commerce Heights City). The officiating team for todays' match are being provided by the Commerce Heights Football Association, and their flight has been delayed. The match will take place today - "38 Special" has excellent lighting for night matches. ASPN will keep you apprised of the situation as it continues to develope.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN NEWSBREAK*****

Big Butts Half-year Report

[code:1:d168094833]
Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oddslavo (21) 8 7 0 1 18 9 +9 21
Aquilla (27) 8 5 2 1 18 11 +7 17
Squornshelous (12) 8 4 2 2 13 11 +2 14
Defari (55) 8 4 0 4 14 12 +2 12
Anti-nazis (69) 8 3 1 4 13 13 0 10
Iansisle 8 2 3 3 7 7 0 9
Oreo Cookie 8 2 1 5 4 7 -3 7
Sliponia 8 1 4 3 3 8 -5 7
Big Butts 8 1 1 6 3 15 -12 4
[/code:1:d168094833]

Current performance: Very Poor
Expected grade: E
Effort in Class: 2/10

Remarks: Has actually got worse since the half-term break. Is still attending class very little. As the new kid in the class, it was always going to be hard for Big Butts to settle in the group, but with some other new kids their as well, we had hoped things would have gone a little better by now. After originally seeming to settle in with the other new kids, Big Butts is seeming to become more isolated. We have had reports of some of the other kids bullying Big Butts (calling them names and such), and believe this may be part of the reason for Big Butts decline in performance, but the school is still invetigating these claims.

Headmasters Comments: Another disappointing report card. The school is investigating claims of 'bullying' and we will notify the parents of all children involved when the results are obtained.

^^ one great RP every four games beats nothing at all. :D

Now, from Progressa TeleSport's live coverage of KP-Dead Man, it's Murin Ferra, Eaidlin Forca and Chares Catrar:

MF: And now over to the stadium to join Eaidlin Forca and first Chares Catrar.
CC: Welcome to a decidedly smelly stadium, unusual for an arena so squeaky-clean and modern. One can only assume it's the Dead Men that make up the opposition.
EF: Dead Men? There's only one Dead Man.
CC: Eleven of them, judging by their performances in the group. Plumb bottom with a double-digit negative goal difference.
EF: If you think like that then yeah, eleven Dead Men. This should be a walkover...
CC: Hang on! There's a bonfire... and there's... what... is... happening?? *starts bursting into uncontrollable tears as violence starts between Dead Man fans and neutral spectators amidst the bonfire. Commentary is silent for around three minutes*

Announcer on tannoy: Owing to the violence and danger in the stadium, this match will be delayed. Would all fans please leave the stadium and convene outside the stadium. The match will be postponed until further notice.

*around an hour later*

Announcer: The match will be played later tonight, kicking off at 9:30pm. Dead Man fans will not be allowed in the stadium, in order to prevent further damage.

TBF would like to sue Timway for the postponing of our match. TBF were hopeing for a flight straight home after the match but thanks to you delaying it we missed the flight. Every match we loose following this we will expect A100 million due to the tiredness we will have due to having to catch the 2 am flight. We will fo course drop all law suits if you boycot this match..........

...a scathing indictment of Joey Stanton's comments on last week's episode of "BSTV Sports Tonight"...

The Crater
Bedistan's Tabloid Source

BSTV Issues Press Release
Apology issued to Nikean fans

SONOMA CITY, Son. -- The offices of Bedistan Sports Television (BSTV) have recently been inundated with letters, phone calls, e-mails, and various other forms of correspondence from viewers in Nikea. The Nikeans complained that anchor Joey Stanton mentioned Oglethorpia's "commanding lead" in World Cup 10 qualifying group 5 while merely citing Nikea as "doing well" despite the fact that Nikea had successfully shut out the Wonderteam offense in their previous meeting.

"I must admit, that didn't cross my mind at the time," said Stanton. "While I try to keep up with all the matches as much as I can, I missed the Oglethorpia-Nikea match due to a doctor's appointment. So I really didn't know about it."

"He was doing the best he could," chimed in Sam Murphy, Stanton's commentating partner for the past twenty years. "Normally I would've been there to point that out. Everyone makes mistakes, and I assure you Joey is no exception."

"Look," said the show's producer, who wished to remain anonymous, "we weren't even sure we were going to run the show. Up until about an hour before showtime, we were still planning to re-show one of the recent college Lontorican football games. We had to come up with it on the spot, and I sincerely apologize to any Nikeans whom we may have offended."

Secretary of Sports and Games Jim Parker could not be reached for comment, but it is expected that he would have stood behind Stanton all the way.

[OOC: ;)]

GFDB Today

Blizzard Causes Postponement of World Cup Qualifying Match

DENNIS (BAP) -- The same blizzard causing the postponement of the Commerce Heights-EL CID THE HERO qualifying match in Commerce Heights is also wreaking havoc upon Dennis, the location of James Parker National Stadium, where Bedistan's home games are played.

"But," one might say, "the Lions are playing away to Kamakaza. How does this affect us?"

Well, to make a long story short, the team is still stranded in Dennis. They were supposed to catch the Air Paripana flight to Kamakaza late last night, but by that time Dennis International Airport was already snowed in. If the team can successfully get out of Dennis to the north, they can most likely get a flight out of Alexandria, but it is nearly impossible to get out of Dennis when it is buried beneath some 27 inches of snow, especially with southern Bedistan being very unused to such weather, even in December.

We will bring you more information as we receive it.

(from the Kingsford Today Newspaper)

Belmore Family to "Loose" a match

AP - The Belmore Family is suing Timway for $100 each match they "loose," according to Alan Belmore (the newspaper editor, not the football player, field hockey player, football coach, field hockey coach, prime minister, or 13 year old kid behind the monitor). This statement baffled Kingsford Officials, thinking of "loose" as an adjective, rather than a verb. Carter Ballion at the grammar usage institute, quoted this passage from the Constitution of Proper Language, Second Revised Addition:

"Concerning the word 'Loose' and it's respective forms;

In use as an adjective: 'The rope I tied was loose'
In use as an action or instruction: 'Please loosen the screw' ; 'I loosen the cord'
In use as an infinitive: 'I am going to loosen the tiles'
In use with -ing: 'Bill is loosening the knot'

--The word loose is an adjective;
It shall be an adjective;
and to use it not as an adjective is a crime against humanity;
With the proper suffix (en);
loose can be a verb;
BUT ONLY THEN;
and the terminal suffix (ing) shall ONLY be used;
if following the proper suffix (en)--

--If a crime against humanity is committed;
The punishment, as decided on;
by the International Council of Grammatical Elders;
is to be:

-Lightly Flogged (if within boundaries of Oglethorpia);
-Made Into Ketchup (if within boundaries of Evisceratomatoes);
-Go to Snub Nose 38 On Your Free Weekends (if within boundaries of Audioslavia);
-Read the Gilmeecian International Times (if within boundaries of any literate country *this punishment in conjunction with all others that apply*);
-Be Banned from listening to George Michael (if within boundaries of Total n Utter Insanity or Liverpool England);
-Death (if within boundaries of One Blue Dot, Gilmeecia, or any other opressed state);
-Spend 5 days in prison (all other countries)--"

We still are not sure of the meaning of the Belmorian phrase "loose a match" however experts now believe that a crime against humanity has been committed, and thus are rounding up every Alan Belmore in the Belmore Family.

"So Far? About 6,400." Said chief of the International Grammar Police Force Zach Williams, who is originally from Lemmitania. "Heck, we even detained one of our own, there's an Alan Belmore on the IGPF." When asked what would become of these Alan Belmores, for comitting a crime against humanity, Williams said "Well, we'll ship em all to Gilmeecia and then carry out the respective punishment." As of current, all 6,400 Alan Belmores are on a prison ship some where in the Lou Sea, off the coast of Gilmeecia. Searches of the nation are to be held for the next two days before the ship lands and the punishment is carried out.

EARTHQUAKE POSTPONES HIGHLY ANTICIPATED TIM-TBF MATCHUP

Timopolis, Timway -- Timway's Center For Natural Disaster Prediction and Prevention contacted Timway Football Officials early this morning and suggested that the match be postponed, as an earthquake was imminent in the region of Timopolis, where the match was too be held. The earthquake occurred at 3:53 local time, which was about one hour after the match was to have started. Surely this would have led to a disruption of play. The 4.5 magnitude quake was the first successul prediction by the CfNDP&P. The game has been rescheduled for later this evening, barring further earthquake predictions.

OOC: I was also victim of a 4.5 magnitude earthquake earlier this afternoon, and, luckily, suffered no damage or injuries.

EDIT: apparently earthquakes cause double posts.

EDIT: apparently earthquakes cause triple posts as well.

"So Far? About 6,400." Said chief of the International Grammar Police Force Zach Williams, who is originally from Lemmitania. "Heck, we even detained one of our own, there's an Alan Belmore on the IGPF." When asked what would become of these Alan Belmores, for comitting a crime against humanity, Williams said "Well, we'll ship em all to Gilmeecia and then carry out the respective punishment." As of current, all 6,400 Alan Belmores are on a prison ship some where in the Lou Sea, off the coast of Gilmeecia. Searches of the nation are to be held for the next two days before the ship lands and the punishment is carried out.

We hope you enjoy finding all 107,000,000 of them. Also we would like to point out that kingsford is using poor American Spelling!

(from the Kingsford Today Newspaper)

Belmore Family to "Loose" a match

AP - The Belmore Family is suing Timway for $100 each match they "loose," according to Alan Belmore (the newspaper editor, not the football player, field hockey player, football coach, field hockey coach, prime minister, or 13 year old kid behind the monitor). This statement baffled Kingsford Officials, thinking of "loose" as an adjective, rather than a verb. Carter Ballion at the grammar usage institute, quoted this passage from the Constitution of Proper Language, Second Revised Addition:

"Concerning the word 'Loose' and it's respective forms;

In use as an adjective: 'The rope I tied was loose'
In use as an action or instruction: 'Please loosen the screw' ; 'I loosen the cord'
In use as an infinitive: 'I am going to loosen the tiles'
In use with -ing: 'Bill is loosening the knot'

--The word loose is an adjective;
It shall be an adjective;
and to use it not as an adjective is a crime against humanity;
With the proper suffix (en);
loose can be a verb;
BUT ONLY THEN;
and the terminal suffix (ing) shall ONLY be used;
if following the proper suffix (en)--

--If a crime against humanity is committed;
The punishment, as decided on;
by the International Council of Grammatical Elders;
is to be:

-Lightly Flogged (if within boundaries of Oglethorpia);
-Made Into Ketchup (if within boundaries of Evisceratomatoes);
-Go to Snub Nose 38 On Your Free Weekends (if within boundaries of Audioslavia);
-Read the Gilmeecian International Times (if within boundaries of any literate country *this punishment in conjunction with all others that apply*);
-Be Banned from listening to George Michael (if within boundaries of Total n Utter Insanity or Liverpool England);
-Death (if within boundaries of One Blue Dot, Gilmeecia, or any other opressed state);
-Spend 5 days in prison (all other countries)--"

We still are not sure of the meaning of the Belmorian phrase "loose a match" however experts now believe that a crime against humanity has been committed, and thus are rounding up every Alan Belmore in the Belmore Family.

"So Far? About 6,400." Said chief of the International Grammar Police Force Zach Williams, who is originally from Lemmitania. "Heck, we even detained one of our own, there's an Alan Belmore on the IGPF." When asked what would become of these Alan Belmores, for comitting a crime against humanity, Williams said "Well, we'll ship em all to Gilmeecia and then carry out the respective punishment." As of current, all 6,400 Alan Belmores are on a prison ship some where in the Lou Sea, off the coast of Gilmeecia. Searches of the nation are to be held for the next two days before the ship lands and the punishment is carried out.
Several things come to mind: :shock: :roll: :D :wink:

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam wins 2 straight
Wonderteam secures two wins at home

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Wonderteam secured two victories in World Cup X qualifying over the past two weeks before sold out crowds of 118,000 at Amalgamated Stadium against group 5 contenders SPARTEN and Irrevilentsdom. SPARTEN visited Oglethorpia and it's Wonderteam, and played admirably; midfielder Floyd Black scoring the winning goal giving Oglethorpia a 1-nil victory vs. SPARTEN.

"I'm glad to score a winning goal any match, even against a new team from SPARTEN," said Floyd Black, the midfielder accredited with the wining goal in the 67th minute.

"It's a good victory. Yamamoto-san has really put the clamps down on the opposing defense the last few matches; only giving up 4 goals in 7 matches. And we've got the offense clicking with a +15 GD," said team captain Fernando Green. "The Wonderteam is looking really good right now. And that's the truth."

Next, the Wonderteam would face Irrevilentsdom, once again to their home crowd; all 118,000 fans seeming to be big Wonderteam supporters.

We asked one paticular Wonderteam-fan complete with Oglethorpian flags and a Torrence Black-Wonderteam jersey on if he had seen an Irrevilentsdom fan yet at the match. "Irrevilentsdom? The only people i've ever seen from that country are the players. And right now, even they don't look too excited to play futebol against the Wonderteam. I reckon all the fans here are Oglethorpians."

118,000 Irrevilentsdom fans or none, the Wonderteam proceeded to thrash the Irrevilentsdom national side an astonishing 6-1; the biggest victory for the Wonderteam yet since the 5-2 victory over Rejistania earlier in World Cup X qualifying.

"I don't know, but our offense was really clicking. It also helps that the Irrevilentsdom defense was really, well, sucking. And the fact that we ran a 1-1-8 to capitalize on that fact," said coach Guy Picciotto. For with a lazy Irrevilentsdom defense, the Wonderteam would field 8 players as strikers and score 6 goals in the process; leaving Yamamoto-san only one chance to stop a ball from scoring on his goal; and failing.

"Yeah, it's too bad I let one by; but we still won by five goals," said Ken'Ichi Yamamoto, Wonderteam keeper.

Floyd Black, fresh off a winning goal against SPARTEN scored first in the 12th, the team still under it's 3-4-3. Next Kirk Calhoun would make it 2-nil in the 21st, Guy Picciotto then switching to a 8-1-1 noting the poor defense of Irrevilentsdom. The Wonderteam would now be 2-1, Irrevilentsdom taking advantage of the weak defense of Oglethorpia in the 31st; but from then on the Wonderteam scored goals left and right.

Torrence Black would come up with two in the 43rd and the 53rd, Fernando Green with one right in the middle in the 47th. Jorge White would score the last goal, knocking one in past two Irrevilentsdom defenders into the corner of the net.

Come full time, the Wonderteam would be up 5 goals, the match ending 6-1.

"It was a great game for us," said team captain Fernando Green. "We're at the top of the tables, and today, everybody got to put in a goal. It may have been a bit one sided, but we flexed some 'playcalling' by changing our formation and trying out some new things; so in the end, I guess it all worked out."

OGLETHORPIA 1 (F. Black 67th)
SPARTEN 0

---

OGLETHORPIA 6 (F. Black 12th, K. Calhoun 21st, T. Black 43rd, 53rd, F. Green 47th, J. White 81st)
IRREVILENTSDOM (Nameless Goonie #1 31st)

THE SHADOW OVER THE DOUBLE POST

The Bureaucratic Tribune

SOLIDARITY BUREAU SUPPORTS KINGSFORD IN SHOW OF SOLIDARY
Oglethorpian government to support Kingsford in the Alan Belmore crusade

By Dwight Hamilton

"Well, we contacted the President, and he gave us the okay," said Solidarty Bureau Director George Michael (not to be confused with the popular mascot/pop singer of Kingsford.) "So we're supporting Kingsford in tracking down those Alan Belmore fugitives; hopefully the government forces will be spurred into action soon here."

With the official 'okay' from President Marvin (as verified by forms 121486A and 121486B*) Oglethorpian Widespread Nationwide Police and Secret Intelligence Service forces have the go-ahead to track down and arrest any Alan Belmores (with proper signing of form 124025A) who would then be turned over to the Kingsforder government (with signing, verification and ratification of form 124025B) after lengthly Parliament hearings and unnecessary polling of the public, data collected, according to President Marvin, "for no apparent reason. Well, besides making pretty bar graphs."

"In short," said freelance bureaucracy clearer-upper Ted Martinson, "the government is going to let the WNP and SIS help Kingsford in tracking down those pesky Alan Belmores, to be later handed over to the Kingsforder government."

Said Alan Belmore of Villa Arica's local China town, "I really doesn't like this too many. Is it threatened me right civils and I are not safe anythings!" Later, reporters deciphered te mssage as saying "I really don't like this too much. It is threatening my civil rights and I am not safe anywhere!"

Conspiracy theorists have already accused President Marvin and the Oglethorpian government as hatching a plot to open up "Alan Belmore hunting season" allowing avid Oglethorpian hunters armed with high powered rifles, shotguns and double-action revolvers to hunt and kill wild Alan Belmores.

"Nonsense," said Information Director Charles Baker. "It's nonsense. 'Unsinn', as they say in German. They're guilty of grammar infractions, and we're simply supporting our Kingsforder allies; but we'd never endorse killing them. We trust the Kingsforder government to responsibly handle the thousands of Alan Belmores we're inevitably going to take in."

WNP and SIS heads assure the public that the Oglethorpian jail system can handle the influx of prisoners taken into "custody." "We're going to turn the Alan Belmores over to our Kingsforder neighbors," said Widespread Nationwide Police Director Max Blankenship, "so we won't have to hold that many of them in our own jails. That is, if I estimate the numbers of the Alan Belmores correctly."

When informed of the figures released by the Belmore Family, Max Blankenship prompty spit out his coffee. "107 million!? You're shitting me. Maybe we will have to allow hunters to shoot them. I mean, erm..."

More on the Alan Belmore-hunt as it comes.

(from the Kingsford Today Newspaper)

"Concerning the word 'Loose' and it's respective forms;

In use as an adjective: 'The rope I tied was loose'
In use as an action or instruction: 'Please loosen the screw' ; 'I loosen the cord'
In use as an infinitive: 'I am going to loosen the tiles'
In use with -ing: 'Bill is loosening the knot'

--The word loose is an adjective;
It shall be an adjective;
and to use it not as an adjective is a crime against humanity;
With the proper suffix (en);
loose can be a verb;
BUT ONLY THEN;
and the terminal suffix (ing) shall ONLY be used;
if following the proper suffix (en)--

--If a crime against humanity is committed;
The punishment, as decided on;
by the International Council of Grammatical Elders;
is to be:

-Lightly Flogged (if within boundaries of Oglethorpia);
-Made Into Ketchup (if within boundaries of Evisceratomatoes);
-Go to Snub Nose 38 On Your Free Weekends (if within boundaries of Audioslavia);
-Read the Gilmeecian International Times (if within boundaries of any literate country *this punishment in conjunction with all others that apply*);
-Be Banned from listening to George Michael (if within boundaries of Total n Utter Insanity or Liverpool England);
-Death (if within boundaries of One Blue Dot, Gilmeecia, or any other opressed state);
-Spend 5 days in prison (all other countries)--"


Not realizing that this was a pressing international issue, Lord High Executor Frog didn't deal with it - however since a baggage workers strike at Frog's Airfield delayed the start of the match against Kerla, he decided to handle it. Since he was truly irked at not getting to watch his younger cousin play for the Paladins on the nice new Plasma TV he bought for the occaison he issued the following punishment:

All violators of this vital grammatical law are to have signs indicating that they were members of the ex-national soccer team and then locked in the Paladin Dome during a game at the mercy of fans still P-Oed at the constant failure of the former team and looking to take vengeance on anything that supports said ex-team.

(from the Kingsford Today Newspaper)

"Concerning the word 'Loose' and it's respective forms;

In use as an adjective: 'The rope I tied was loose'
In use as an action or instruction: 'Please loosen the screw' ; 'I loosen the cord'
In use as an infinitive: 'I am going to loosen the tiles'
In use with -ing: 'Bill is loosening the knot'

--The word loose is an adjective;
It shall be an adjective;
and to use it not as an adjective is a crime against humanity;
With the proper suffix (en);
loose can be a verb;
BUT ONLY THEN;
and the terminal suffix (ing) shall ONLY be used;
if following the proper suffix (en)--

--If a crime against humanity is committed;
The punishment, as decided on;
by the International Council of Grammatical Elders;
is to be:

-Lightly Flogged (if within boundaries of Oglethorpia);
-Made Into Ketchup (if within boundaries of Evisceratomatoes);
-Go to Snub Nose 38 On Your Free Weekends (if within boundaries of Audioslavia);
-Read the Gilmeecian International Times (if within boundaries of any literate country *this punishment in conjunction with all others that apply*);
-Be Banned from listening to George Michael (if within boundaries of Total n Utter Insanity or Liverpool England);
-Death (if within boundaries of One Blue Dot, Gilmeecia, or any other opressed state);
-Spend 5 days in prison (all other countries)--"


Not realizing that this was a pressing international issue, Lord High Executor Frog didn't deal with it - however since a baggage workers strike at Frog's Airfield delayed the start of the match against Kerla, he decided to handle it. Since he was truly irked at not getting to watch his younger cousin play for the Paladins on the nice new Plasma TV he bought for the occaison he issued the following punishment:

All violators of this vital grammatical law are to have signs indicating that they were members of the ex-national soccer team and then be locked in the Paladin Dome during a game at the mercy of fans still P-Oed at the constant failure of the former team and looking to take vengeance on anything that supports said ex-team.

United Spaam Supports Anti-Alan Belmore Coalition

United Spaam has joined the anti Alan Belmore coalition, by stating
that the S.B.I. has been ordered to shoot all Alan Belmore's on site.
In addition, the government has promised 1000 special forces to go
into Kingsford to help in the "man"-hunt.

"When we are finished," says the minister of defense "there will be no
Alan Belmore anywhere, except the foul nation of the Belmore Family.
And then we'll see."

Runaway Moose Offers Amnesty
Rogue in Chief Niffiner Moosekopf announced today that amnesty will be granted to all Alan Belmores within the borders of Runaway Moose, provided that they sign a pledge to not support the lawsuit against Timway. When asked by the press why the government had made this decision, Moosekopf stated, "I have no more classes as an undergrad, so I'm in a giving and forgiving mood."

The response by Alan Belmores caused the international airports of Runaway Moose to be overwhelmed, and the computer system crashed. As soon as flights are able to be up and running the team will be travelling to Microbrits, for their second meeting with that team in the qualifiers. The national team of Microbrits generously agreed to postpone the game until Alces Rex could get there and get their bearings.

(from the Kingsford Today Newspaper)

Lou Sea filled with Alan Belmores

AP - Zach Williams, Executive Chief of the International Grammar Police, released the following statement just a few minutes ago:

"We at the International Grammar Police would like to publicly announce that we have 23,442,911 Alan Belmores in custody aboard the prison ships the HRS Macnamera (of Kingsford), the HRS Achebe (of Kingsford), and the BSS Auxiliary (of Oglethorpia) off the Gilmeecian Coast in the Lou Sea. That number is rising at a tremendous rate.

We would also like to remind any and all nations supporting this blatant crime against humanity, stated by the International Council of Grammatical Elders, that the Alan Belmores are not to be killed, but to be transported to these prison ships off the Gilmeecian Coast, to where they then will be transported to Gilmeecia to await the proper punishment as stated in the Constitution of Proper Language, Second Revised Addition. Thank You."

Aquilla's match with Anti-Nazis has been delayed because a holy cow took a nap in the road that the Aquillan team's taxi was taking to the stadium, and there was no room to turn around.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Commerce Heights Defeats EL CID THE HERO, Coach Broquard To Be Fired?
NEW LEXINGTON, CH - Due to the delay in the start of the match, the Bulldogs knew that with Morawny and Akbarland's losses, they were only 11 points away from being guaranteed qualification. They went out on to the field at Memorial Stadium knowing that gaining 3 more points would make qualification that much easier. Cahalane scored quickly, bringing the score to 1-0. Vojtilo, still recovering from allowing 2 goals at the Halfassedstates game, seemed to be an entirely different player than the one that played GK for the Bulldogs yesterday in Maxisoft Stadium. Wallace, a midfielder who has rarely been in the media, scored a goal in the 67th, sealing the match and reducing the points needed for Bulldogs qualification to 8.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Cahalane 18, Wallace 67)
(UR) EL CID THE HERO 0 - FT
An anonymous representative of the CHFF has claimed that Coach Broquard should be fired, a statement which has baffled most of the nation. "We cannot let the program gravitate into mediocrity," said the CHFF's president. As of now, the Chronicle is still unsure of how a 8-1-1 record can possibly be considered 'mediocre'.
(OOC: Anyone know what I'm making fun of here? ;) )
In any case, the Bulldogs have retained their 5-point lead over Liverpool England and Halfassedstates:
[code:1:916c1cd9d3]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 10 8 1 1 18 5 +13 25
Liverpool England (2) 10 6 2 2 19 8 +11 20
Halfassedstates (19) 10 6 2 2 16 10 +6 20
Morawny (58) 10 4 2 4 13 9 +4 14
Akbarland (51) 10 3 5 2 14 14 0 14
Pavesia 10 3 1 6 9 15 -6 10
Kravoli (81) 9 2 3 4 8 12 -4 9
EL CID THE HERO 10 1 3 6 5 17 -12 6
The Arrivian Alliance 9 0 3 6 6 18 -12 3[/code:1:916c1cd9d3]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:916c1cd9d3] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 50 10 13 17 10
Wins 27 3 6 10 8
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 14 4 3 6 1
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.9 62.6 81.7 69.3 83.0
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.5 gpg
Goal Differential +21 -3 +5 +6 +13
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:916c1cd9d3]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:916c1cd9d3]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 10 5 0.50
C. Deppiesse 10 4 0.40
J. Cahalane 10 4 0.40
K. Decker 10 2 0.20
F. Wallace 10 2 0.20
K. DeGraffenreid 10 1 0.10

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 10 5 0.50

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 50 25 0.50
C. Deppiesse..** 27 9 0.33
J. Cahalane**** 49 14 0.29
K. Decker**** 50 13 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 28 6 0.21
M. McCormick.^^^ 10 2 0.20
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 10 1 0.10
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 49 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 43 49 1.14
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:916c1cd9d3]

The Fighting Fruit dressing room (ha ha) just before the match against Larkinia. Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes, is speaking. As usual.

"Well, my little grapefruits, your first test. Of course ytou know Sal Manela, your new manager, a fine gentleman from the County that Cna't be Named. In consultation with Sal, i have selected you as the finest prospects since the tragic fatal bloody massacre of our entire team by the good folk of East Spaam who are gonna get what's coming to them once our secret re-armament programme is complete, i swear it on the souls of the fallen! Oh, did i say screaming vicious merciless retribution? I meant friendly rematch. Excuse me, my little durians, i have a cold. Anyway, if you lose, i'm going to have you all executed. Good luck, my little yams."

Sal Manela, disgraced ex-manager of Snub Nose 38, leads the new Evisceratomatoes team out on to the pitch. Strangely, they are all wearing masks. All around the stadium, Wamams wail their song, protecting the Evisceratomatoes from splattering against the other team's human players -- or indeed, against their own manager.

On the side of the pitch, an enormous cauldron of boiling water bubbles. Manela stands alongside, pointing to the cauldron whenever one of his players makes a misplay. The Evisceratomatoes look terrified, if it's possible for a giant sentient vegetable to look anything other than just plain weird. And they score goal after goal. When the final whistle blows, it's 4-1 for the Fighting Fruit.

"Entwine with each other, my little plantains," Nate tells the team fondly. "No executions today."

The Fighting Fruit dressing room (ha ha)
located in the Mayo Clinic...?

The printing presses at Scuttlebutt, The Remington County Record, and The Athletic Supporter are all broken. ASPN Studios antenna has collapsed. A high level meeting called by TGCICOSFTBOSN38, involving all Ministers, is running quite late. Margaret is napping. Ben and Eileen Dover are busy settling into their new home. Justin Case had a few too many and passed out. Beverly is taking calls for tickets to Hooligan matches.

OOC: Too tired too write too night - too da loo. Too morrow is another day :wink:

Rex Remain Resilient

In a brilliant match today, played late due to the "Belmore Blackout", Alces Rex managed to remain undefeated. The sole goal was due to the efforts of Bilbo, on a long shot from about 5 yards up from the half line, while the Microbrit keeper was off the line. Other than the one goal that was let in, the Microbrits played a brilliant side, keeping the thus unbeatable team to a mere 9 shots on goal. The majority of the game took place in the middle third of the field. The Runaway Moose national side is still sitting comfortably in second within their group, awaiting EB's bye so that they can have a chance to overtake the number one ranked team. For the time being though, their efforts are concentrated on the upcoming game at home. The Antlerodome is expected to be packed.

Law suit dropped

In dark shady rooms in Timway it was decided that the lawsuit against them would be dropped on the condition that all Alan Belmore's were returned to TBF.
Apparently the whole saga was over an insignificant typo in our newspaper's back pages. Therefor it has beeen suggested that Kingsford be brought to the ICC.
TBF would like to thanky Runaway Moose for their support in getting the safe return of the Alan Belmores.
We are officially closing our borders to all residents from Spaam and Kingsford incase of harm to our population.

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Senoj defeated - finally
The Orange-lues defeated Senoj 2-1. The entire nation of Rejistania was waiting for this victory, after an embarrassing 1-1 in the first leg match in Rejistania. But the Rejistanian fans had to wait much longer than normal, since a fire on Ratansa tani'mesit KaMaRi post poned all flights an indefinite amount of time. Some Rejis preferred to wait and some boarded a train to Sike to fly from there to Senoj. The group that came via Sike arrived in Senoj first and the referee decided to let those people play, who were just there. The starting formation looked really strange, since it was a mix of players, substitutes and some players, who played on unexpected positions:
S. Hexen
I. Iles, J. Jen, H. Yla, X. Tyru
M. Ijen, E. Sines, I. Syku, X. Susu
M. Koleni, I. Linkosa
Midfielder Inik Linkosa played as forward and Hana Yla in another position in the defense than usual.

The Senoj's didn't take the Orange-Blue substitute team serious during the first minutes. This suddently changed in the third minute when Mata Koleni* proved that he is it sometimes and archieved the 1-0. Now the Senojs were attacking like they did during the match in Sike. The Junis-Omeh played as defensive as we normally know it only from Karela lines. Most of the time, the game took place in the rejistanian half and nearly all of the players were in it. But the Orange-Blues sometimes reacted with dangerous counters, which were unfortunatly without success, thanks to the excellent reflexes of Senojian goalie player'he. The half-time result was 1-0.

During half-time, the rest of the team appeared, but since the game has started, the Orange-Blues could only make three substitutions. Coach Imdila'he who belonged to the late-arrivers substituted Ijanhi'he for Yla'he, Syku Lyku for Xkeliko Susu (Inik Lnkosa played on Susu'he's position in the midfield) and Su'he for Koleni'he (Imdila'he gave as reason: "It's more likely that One Blue Dot becomes world champion than that Koleni'he scores for the Orange-Blues!"). Again the team was totally changed and that was the advantage for Senoj. Player'he equalized the score in the 47th minute. The Orange-Blues took the lead again in the 63rd minute, when SyLy archieved the 2-1. The Senojs kept on attacking, but the attacks ended in the orange-blue defense.

The result:
Senoj 1 (player 47th)
Rejistania 2 (Koleni 3rd, Lyku: 63rd)

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Syku Lyku: 9
Xeseja Su: 4
Inik Linkosa: 2
Exke Sines: 1
Mata Koleni: 1

* Ma'ta koleni = beyond compare (many rejis players have strange names, when translated)

Daran'he speaks out because of grammar incident
Teke Daran, chief of the RejistaniaFA, is normally a very calm man, but this time he got furious: "What's this slan about? It's not fault of the Belmores! It's this english language, totally illogical, totally strange to write. And they also only have one word for 'lose'. That is the real problem, if english teams also would 'sono* and sometimes 'jisu, we wouldn't have this problem." Rejistanian linguist Iha Salal comments the problems with the word 'to loose' like this: "Language is sometimes a form of separation. In TBF, they apparently reformed writing to a more sensible and easier-to-learn way and this is not considered english anymore by the international community."

* 'sono = lose (Senoj'mi'la'sono junis-omeh'ja. would describe the match in Senoj.)
'jisu = lose highly (Rejistanha'mi'la'jisu Oglethorpia'ja. would describe the 2-5)

SECOND RANKS OVERCOME TOUGH TEST, MORAWNY BEATEN 3-1
MORAWNY 1
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 3 (Blackmore 7, Dussis 46, Blackmore m/pen 47, Dussis sent off 67, Cannon 90)

Liverpool England secured their first win of the second half of qualifying today against Morawny, a tough test considering the first result between the two teams. LE got off to a tremendous start after Steve Blackmore scored from 30 yards a powerful volley which rattled the Morawny net. It remained like that until the second half, Paul Dussis, recently selected for the FIFA team for the Region Championship, knocked the ball home from 5 yards to make it 2-0 and to make Morawny's test tougher. Morawny went down to 10 men after their goalkeeper was sent off for a professional foul for tackling Dussis, but Blackmore failed to put anything past the sub keeper, his shot clipping the bar and going over. Twenty minutes later, a rough shoulder charge saw Dussis get the red card, and gave Morawny a penalty, and the Morawny captain slotted it home past Hearne for a goal. The LE Internationally-recognised Football Committee, or LEIFC, are protesting the red card and two-match ban, and it is expected that the ruling will be overturned. Caddy Cannon put the match out of reach in stoppage time, full time Morawny 1 LE 3.

Law suit dropped

In dark shady rooms in Timway it was decided that the lawsuit against them would be dropped on the condition that all Alan Belmore's were returned to TBF.
Apparently the whole saga was over an insignificant typo in our newspaper's back pages. Therefor it has beeen suggested that Kingsford be brought to the ICC.
TBF would like to thanky Runaway Moose for their support in getting the safe return of the Alan Belmores.
We are officially closing our borders to all residents from Spaam and Kingsford incase of harm to our population.

Marauding Football Club requests that our latest signing be allowed to stay in Giant Zucchini.

Dauragons Slayed Again
3-0 win creates 5 point cushion

Audioslavia travelled to Dauragons today with the knowledge that a win would put them within 11 points of a guaranteed place in WCX.

Zinkoland's 1-0 defeat of Clearwater was one of the few matches not delayed today, kicking off at 3:00pm, wheras the 'slaves match kicked off over 7 hours late at 10:15pm.

The 'slaves, bolstered by the knowledge that a win would put a confortable gap between themselves, Zinkoland and Clearwater, hit the ground running and scored the first two goals within three minutes.

The opener came just twenty-seven seconds into the game (smashing the old record of 3 minutes) as Audioslavia kicked off, Dipper quickly got the ball down the wing and crossed for Bury to dive in at the far post and hook the ball into the roof of the net.

The second goal came after a good 2 minutes of Dauragon pressure, as they hit the bar and had a good shot saved by Pedder. The 'slaves countered quickly from Pedder's punt up field; Shearer swept the ball into the path of Willow, who, like a skinny, long-haired freight-train, wasnt going to be stopped as he took the ball in his stride and started bearing down on the Dauragons goal. A quick pass went to Lever, who cleverly stepped over the ball into the path of Bury. Bury layed the ball back off to Lever who had moved into the penalty area, Lever feinted a shot and instead layed the ball off for Willow, who placed the ball into the open net. 2-0 after 3 minutes.

The away fans were expecting a rout, but to their surprise, and to Dauragons' credit, the home team pulled themselves together and defended resoloutely throughout the first half and much of the second. Both sides had minimal chances until the final minute, where substitute Paul Ward beat two tiring Dauragon defenders and cooly finished for 3-0.

Final Score:
Dauragons 0
Audioslavia 3 (Bury 1, Willow 3, Ward 90)

[code:1:7f1b5ebf68]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 10 9 0 1 23 9 +14 27
Audioslavia (18) 10 7 0 3 19 7 +12 21
Clearwater (80) 9 5 2 2 13 8 +5 17
Zinkoland (67) 10 5 3 2 12 7 +5 16
The Dragonian Empire (57) 10 4 2 4 17 16 +1 14
Svecia (22) 10 4 1 5 17 13 +4 13
Davii 10 2 1 7 2 18 -16 7
Dauragons 10 2 0 8 5 18 -13 6
Citta Acqua 9 1 1 7 4 16 -12 4
[/code:1:7f1b5ebf68]

The win gives the 'slaves a firm cushion over the chasing pack of Clearwater, Zinkoland, The Dragonian Empire and Svecia, who are all seperated by just 4 points. Svecia have the easiest run-in of the 4 sides, having played the top two sides already. The Dragonian Empire's surprising 1-0 loss at home to Davii has put them in dire straits, indeed their manager has been seen wearing a bright blue hair-band and sporting a perm. The team have the worst goal difference out of the pack.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake. G'nite bitches

Cheevers to the Rescue

The ninth victory of Dennisov in the recent qualification series should be attributed to Gerry Cheevers talent and form, rather than the team's ability to play well for 90 minutes.

Game 10
Oilermania - Dennisov 0-1

86th minute: Gillies (pen) 0-1


Unlike the first game in Dennisov, Oilermania put a lot of pressure on the defenders of Dennisov. Had their first meeting been a showcase of Dennisov passing and dribbling abilities, this one was a sluggish and tough contest. The referee and the assistants had their hands full to keep the game under control.

Provonost and Laviolette, the unsung heroes of the Dennisov success, had barely enough time to make any good passes as Oilermania tried to interupt the Dennisov build-up right from the start.

The effect their efforts had were clearly seen in the amount of free kicks and fouls. Both teams were not about to let the other get settled in.
Gerry Cheevers, one of the better goal keepers, made some saves from free kicks awarded to Oilermania. Dennisov, however, had shown nothing to show for, a single corner in the entire first half, and even that one was poorly taken.

Cheevers once again saved Dennisov from going behind when an unmarked Oilermania striker showed up in front of his goal. Cheevers forced the striker to the side and kept the ball out with his cat-like reflexes.

After Laroche fouled an Oilermania player in the box after 76th minutes of play, Oilermania seemed to finally go ahead, and well deserved too.
However, once again, Cheevers came to the rescue, stopping a poorly taken penalty with his legs.

Only 10 minutes after the first penalty of the game, Dennisov was awarded the other.
A blatant foul, very much into the spirit of the game, on Goulet gave captain Clark Gillies the opportunity to win the game for Dennisov and his effort did go in.

Dennisov's apparent complacency is something for Lemieux to deal with. With an eight-point gap opening up after today's round of games, Dennisov should be able to qualify for the main tournament.

"Once again we were so lucky and I think we didn't deserve to even get a single point from this game, let alone three!" Lemieux said to the press after the game.

"It was a war out there today, both teams knew what they were playing for and went as far as the referee allowed them to go," Cheevers commented.

[b][u]ASNN - Stars end Power Trip to keep their first place lead in the Division

The Stars began the long slog towards the much anticipated games versus Lemmentia and Tanah Burung. They started off well with the slaughtering of the Canadian Power Trip, sending them closer to the perilous edge of certain non-qualification. Captain Gavin Fleury continued his dominance of the field, leading the powerhouse Star offense to victory again, assisting on all three goals, scored by Pepper Jones, Mark Jeremy, and Gessias Philipousis. In the voctory, all the Stars looked their best, constant taunting and playing with the Power Trip defense, laughing all teh while. They had some mercy on the Power Trip, when they dropped in nearly all of the subsitutes...who just eventually did the same thing, except not with quite the pang.

TLC Stars 3 - 0 Canadian Power Trip
Jones - 12
Jeremy - 34
Philipoussis - 76

OOC: Apologies for lack of RP lately. Fortunately, finals are near an end, and I should have time for at least one post later tonight.

The Halfassedstates Gambling Commission
Report into the success of the Bedistani Gambling Service predictions for WCX qualifying (after matchday 10)

Group 1
Snub Nose 38 (6) 2nd
Ariddia (20) 1st
East Spaam (33) 5th
The Weegies (50) currently 3rd
Group 2
Lemmitania [8] 3rd
Tanah Burung (24) 2nd
Busby (17) 4th
The Lowland Clans (43) 1st
Group 3
Runaway Moose (13) 2nd
Europa Brittania (1) 1st
Warnocks Wizards (34) 5th
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 3rd
Group 4
The Belmore Family (9) 3rd
Gesamtkuntswerk (11) 5th
Timway (41) 1st
Callmebernard (64) 2nd
Group 5
Oglethorpia (5) 1st
Nikea (31) 2nd
Rejistania [38] 4th
Nastic 2 (60) 3rd
Group 6
Kingsford (10) 4th
Spaam (37) 3rd
Kaze Progressa (26) 1st
Eauz (44) 2nd
Group 7
Bedistan (4) 4th
Dennisov (14) 1st
Dark Outcasts [28] 2nd
Lordsquall (47) 3rd
Group 8
Ravenspire (3) 1st
Svecia (22) 5th
Audioslavia [18] 2nd
Clearwater (80) 3rd
Group 9
Liverpool England (2) 2nd
Halfassedstates (19) 3rd
Commerce Heights (23) 1st
Group 10
Squornshelous (12) 3rd
Oddslavo (21) 1st
Iansisle 5th
Aquilla (27) 2nd
NB: BGS predictions are followed by current positions in italics. The nation(s) currently in the top 3 that the BGS didn't predict are also listed in italics


The BGS have only predicted the top three correctly for one group (Group 9) They have managed to get 2 out of 3 right in every other group (and two out of three ain't bad!!)

All in all, we recommend the BGS predictions as a good base for the HGC predictions in future events, although we would advise some tweaking in order to rreduce the odds in favour of the commission. This would cut investigation costs for the HGC and allow greater profits helping maintain our position as the regions top gambling service!

The USAnian information minister George W. Bush speaks live on Communist News Network (his face is wounded):

Comrades,

At first I have important information for you: The talk about democratic riots in Washington DC is completly rubbish. There are no riots in Washington DC or elsewhere in the country. USAnian streets are totally safe.
Again, our great ideology was the factor which at the end made us triumphant! We won again a world cup match! Jaurania hadn't one single chance in the last match, were we reached an incredible 2-2 draw and now Lanky Dude was NOT AT LEAST lankyed to play against us! We won highly and totally justified 2-0! Finally, the World Cup Comittee and the corrupt referrees are no longer against us. Even they have finally realized, that our glorious socialist state IS victorious.

Thanks for your attention, hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

Sowhatsville News (back page)

Halfassed 'wing' their way to revenge.

After the struggles of the opening few games in WCX qualification, the Halfassed national side seems to have re-found its belief in its own abilities. Never was this more evident than in yesterdays match against Akbarland.

Playing against a side that had already defeated them in the Munro Stadium, and in front of a very vocal, partisan crowd, the Halfassed side stuck to the task and made life difficult for their opponents. Granted, they were helped by a couple of interesting refereeing decisions. Jones somehow only received a yellow card when he seemed to have professionally fouled Zahid Mohammed. Then five minutes before half-time, the Usainan offical awarded a soft-looking free-kick to Halfassed when Lecter seemed to have stumbled over his own feet more than anything else.

While the Akbari players were complaining to the offical, Lecter quickly tapped the ball to Crewgar, who'se snap-shot was well parried by Islam, but the loose ball was thumped in by Bundy. 0-1

The half time whistle went with the protests still ongoing.

The second half saw the Akbarland team start like demons. Everytime a Halfassed player got on the ball two Akbar players closed him down. It was an unbelivable passage of play that saw Jennung make 7 saves, while Wall and Jones both cleared off the line and Mohammed twice struck the woodwork.

With 80 minutes gone, Halfassed were somehow still ahead, and the Akbar players finally seemed to be tiring, but they were still pressing for the equaliser. The game was cruelly put beyond them with just 4 minutes to go. Wall intercepted a through-ball and quickly played it up to Milton. He sheilded the ball superbly before playing it on to Bundy who swung a first time ball across the pitch to Lecter. Lecter ran towards the box and knocked the ball to Gunnett, who returned the ball back to Lecter. Lecter took one touch to control the ball and side footed the ball into the far corner of the net, just beyond the disparing dive of Islam. It was Halfassed's second shot of the half and the clinching goal.

Final score: Akbar 0 Halfassed 2

That result keeps Halfassed in third place in the group and is their 6th win out of 6 on the road in this campaign. Next up The Arrivan Alliance.

For anyone intersted in joining footballing region FIFA, please contact me by t-gram to get the password. I should have posted this before the start of the Cup, but late is better than never. Thank you.

Timway
FIFA UN Delegate

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Fourth win on the trot for Football Team
Where will it all end?

Well, certainly not in One Giant Red Zucchini Dot, looking at the table. Nine points behind 20th-ranked Ariddia, and despite a game in hand, Cockbill Street must win at least four of their remaining six games, as losses against Snub Nose 38 and Ariddia are to be expected. That will give 27 points only after our 16 games, which means that either The Weegies or Ariddia have to lose a lot of games - neither of which is very likely. If we should beat Ariddia and end up on 30 points, there is a chance, but the probability of us beating Ariddia is minute.

However, a fourth place would be absolutely excellent, given the circumstances. It would rank us among the top fifty footballing nations in the world - an amazing achievement that propels us 110 places up from where we were. Especially that famous away win at East Spaam could be crucial for our chances to gain fourth place in the group.

As for our match against group-eighth Sensual Products, it was a solid team performance that saw us win 2-1, despite some relatively poor individual play. Especially young midfielder Harald Axewielder seemed pressured and uninspired on the pitch, and we suggest that the poor guy gets some rest, as he has played every game for the Cockbill Street team so far. It seems to be a case of too much pressure put on too young shoulders. Brother Jorn also struggled a bit in goal, letting in his first goal since the 0-2 defeat at home to Snub Nose 38. Still, the counter-attack that brought 1-0 for Cockbill Street was a great one. A Sensual Products player was tackled on 35 metres by Carboniferous, who then ran with the ball for a further 20 metres before weighing a beautiful through ball to Simon Quier, who forced the ball into the back of the net with his head. 2-0 came only moments later, as a Sensual Products player tried to clear a cross from Calcite, but the ball landed at the feet of Ian Olsen, who struck a ferocious long shot into the back of the net behind the hapless SP keeper.

Despite a late second-half consolation goal, there wasn't much Sensual Products could do, and Cockbill Street stroll on to the home match against Larkinia. Can the win streak be extended to five? Against a fellow newbie, is it too much to ask for?

In other world football news, blizzards and earthquakes raged the world and postponed several matches in the 11th match-day, where we did not play. New Montreal States' youngsters continue to impress, and enjoyed their third straight win of the tournament after seven losses on the trot by the senior side to jump into sixth place in the tables. Fingers crossed for them in their next away match against Dennisov, where a win is sadly highly unlikely. Just as with Cockbill Street, the come-back came a bit too late perhaps?

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 4 - Harmison 5 (off 71 Eversham), Carboniferous 5, Golddevourer 4 - Calcite 5, Olsen 5, Lehrer 7, H Axewielder 3 (off 55 Petisha 6) - Tungsten-carbide 7, Quier 7 (off 71 Brashear), Beaver 6.

Final score:

Cockbill Street 2 (Quier 32, Olsen 34)
Sensual Products 1 (??? 78 )

Tables after round 12:

Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 (6) 11 8 1 2 20 6 +14 25
The Weegies (50) 10 8 1 1 16 7 +9 25
Arridia (20) 11 8 0 3 23 11 +12 24
Cockbill Street 10 5 0 5 9 9 0 15
East Spaam (33) 11 4 1 6 13 15 -2 13
Evisceratomatoes (74) 10 3 2 5 9 13 -4 11
A nation 11 3 2 6 6 12 -6 11
Sensual Products (63) 11 2 1 8 9 19 -10 7
Larkinia 11 1 4 6 5 18 -13 7

send in the clowns...
Audioslavia finally beaten at home

An admin mistake earlier in the tournament led the 'slaves to believe that Zinkoland were five points behind. It turns out that they were merely 3 points behind, and their 3-2 win today has pulled them up to level points with the 'slaves.

This match is the first time Audioslavia have conceded 3 goals at home since losing 4-3 to Malundar in the opening game of the Audioslavia/Lemmitania world cup, it is also the first time the 'slaves have lost at home for four years.

To quote Bill Shankly "its not the punch in the jaw that softens you up, its the pats on the back". This could not be more true as Audioslavias confortable victories over Ravenspire, Svecia and Dauragons had them feeling over-confident going into the game. Zinkoland were hungrier (despite feasting on candy floss before the game) and generally faster and fitter during the game, storming into a two-goal lead by half time.

An Ausioslavia fight back looked imminent, but never came, partly due to an unimaginitve 'slave strike-force, but mostly due to Zinkoland's adeptness and discipline in defence. Jonny Willow pulled one back from a well-taken free-kick on the hour, but Zinkoland hit back immidietly, with the next five minutes of pressure producing a penalty which was duly converted.

Audioslavia pulled one back through a penalty of their own five minutes before time, but in a frantic last few minutes they could not find an equaliser.

Final Score

Audioslavia 2 (Willow 61, 86pen)
Zinkoland 3 (some dude 23, some other dude 33, 66)

(OOC: How can I lose to this stupid non-RPing, lower-ranked team in our own stadium? :( )
http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Akbarland Upsets Bulldogs!
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - It was expected that the relatively slick conditions left behind on the field by yesterday's unexpected blizzard would help the Bulldogs in defeating the team they have played more times than any other: Akbarland. However, Akbarland scored two goals very early in the game, leaving the Bulldogs down 0-2. No recovery was possible, as the Akbarland goalkeeper stopped the ball at every opportunity. The Bulldogs' record is now 8-1-2, and they need 3 wins (or 2 wins and 2 draws) in their last 5 games to ensure qualification.
(23) Commerce Heights 0
(51) Akbarland 2 - FT
With LE and HAS wins, the Commerce Heights lead has been dropped to 2:
[code:1:e75957dea5]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 11 8 1 2 18 7 +11 25
Liverpool England (2) 11 7 2 2 22 8 +14 23
Halfassedstates (19) 11 7 2 2 19 10 +9 23
Akbarland (51) 11 4 5 2 16 14 +2 17
Morawny (58) 10 4 2 4 13 9 +4 14
Kravoli (81) 10 3 3 4 9 12 -3 12
Pavesia 11 3 1 7 9 18 -9 10
EL CID THE HERO 11 1 3 7 5 18 -13 6
The Arrivian Alliance 10 0 3 7 6 21 -15 3[/code:1:e75957dea5]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland – L 0-2
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:e75957dea5] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 51 10 13 17 11
Wins 27 3 6 10 8
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 15 4 3 6 2
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.5 62.6 81.7 69.3 80.1
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.6 gpg
Goal Differential +19 -3 +5 +6 +11
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:e75957dea5]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:e75957dea5]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 11 5 0.45
C. Deppiesse 11 4 0.36
J. Cahalane 11 4 0.36
K. Decker 11 2 0.18
F. Wallace 11 2 0.18
K. DeGraffenreid 11 1 0.09

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 11 7 0.64

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 51 25 0.49
C. Deppiesse..** 28 9 0.32
J. Cahalane**** 50 14 0.28
K. Decker**** 51 13 0.25
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 29 6 0.21
M. McCormick.^^^ 10 2 0.20
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 11 1 0.09
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 50 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 44 51 1.16
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:e75957dea5]

Scuttlebutt - Special Edition

Hooligans First In Group!
Sten Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages press release

When the dust cleared after the final match on matchday 12 of qualifiers for World Cup 10, the Snub Nose 38 national football side, the Hooligans, found itself holding down first place in Group 1, with a 10 point lead over the side in fourth place, Cockbill Street. With five matches left to play (6 for Cockbill Street, The Weegies, and Evisceratomatoes) the Hooligans look very likely to advance. The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages could not be reached for comment. It seems he is moving his offices from the Ministry Building to his palatial estate, 15 kilometers north of Sten. Hooligan Manager Ben Dover was also unavailable for comment - this reporter was told Mr. Dover has taken the entire side out on the town to celebrate.

[code:1:c218330f30]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 11 8 1 2 20 6 14 25 40 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 10 8 1 1 16 7 9 25 43 roster
3 Arridia (20) 11 8 0 3 23 11 12 24 39 roster
8*Cockbill Street 10 5 0 5 9 9 0 15 33 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 11 4 1 6 13 15 -2 13 28
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)10 3 2 5 9 13 -4 11 29
5 A nation 11 3 2 6 6 12 -6 11 26
6 Sensual Products (63)11 2 1 8 9 19-10 7 22 elim
2 Larkinia 11 1 4 6 5 18-13 7 22 elim

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit vs Cockbill Street on matchday 10. Cockbill Street was awarded 3 “goals for”.

elim = mathematically eliminated from advancing to WCX
roster = a published roster for this side has been distributed[/code:1:c218330f30]

(sorry this is so late...the next one is coming as soon as I can collect my thoughts.)

117 Redding Lane
Clyfton-on-Daldon, Iansisle, the Commonwealth

“Good morning, Clyde.”

“Morning, Janet. What’s the good word?” Clyde Bookman indicated the newspaper his wife was reading while grabbing a bowl from the kitchen.

“Nothing of importance, really,” she sighed. “There never does seem to be anymore.”

“Indeed? What of our boys in North Africa?”

“The same - no news whatsoever. I swear, there’s nothing exciting going on anymore.” Her husband grunted as he lowered himself into a chair and stirred at his gruel. After a silent moment, he picked up the Star-Tribune’s sports section.

“This looks interesting, dear,” he commented, examining the large picture of Leonard Flaherty celebrating his late goal.

“Oh, Clyde, for heaven’s sake, is football all you can think about?”

“Dear, I just said it looked interesting. Apparently the Ians beat the top ranked team in their group. They’re calling us one of the best new teams in the World Cup. Look, this one chap even picked us to qualify!”

“I’m so pleased.” Janet didn’t sound the least bit pleased. Clyde shrugged and dropped the subject.

Meanwhile, less than a hundred miles away, a small but very destructive minority of football fans were busy tearing the suburb of Westergate to bits. Ironically, Westergate Grounds seemed to be the only building to survive the night without a rock being thrown through its windows or being lit on fire.

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 12

*Damn forums*

The Nastic national team has exceeded all expectations during this World cup so far, They have succeded in collecting 24 points, 17 of which have come away from home which must be some kind of record.

We hope to achieve our first ever World cup event.

Qualifying Group 12:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic 2-1 Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic 1-1 Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic 0-2 Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala 1-2 Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea 1-2 Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:139a781200]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

Group 5 P W D L F A Pts
Oglethorpia (5) 10 9 0 1 28 6 27
NASTIC 2 (60) 11 7 3 1 15 8 24
Nikea (31) 10 7 1 2 15 9 22
Rejistania (38) 11 5 3 3 19 17 18
Haraki (15) 11 5 2 4 16 9 17
Senoj 11 3 2 6 6 15 11
SPARTEN 11 3 0 9 5 15 9
Irrevilentsdom 10 2 2 6 5 16 8
Grigala 11 1 1 9 5 17 4
[/code:1:139a781200]

Law suit dropped

In dark shady rooms in Timway it was decided that the lawsuit against them would be dropped on the condition that all Alan Belmore's were returned to TBF.
Apparently the whole saga was over an insignificant typo in our newspaper's back pages. Therefor it has beeen suggested that Kingsford be brought to the ICC.
TBF would like to thanky Runaway Moose for their support in getting the safe return of the Alan Belmores.
We are officially closing our borders to all residents from Spaam and Kingsford incase of harm to our population.

Marauding Football Club requests that our latest signing be allowed to stay in Giant Zucchini.
Sure...........

Location: New York, USAnia, the house of defender Garry Sharp and his wife Mary-Sue. Time: the day after the embarrassing 0-4 defeat against Runaway Moose.

Garry Sharp is just making breakfast as suddently the door bell rings. Garry opens the door and three policeman of the protection police walk into the house, without even bothering to ask. "Mr. Sharp, you have committed two own goals ion the match against Runaway Moose!" says one policeman without any greeting. Garry looks scared and answers: "It just happened, it was bad luck... only bad luck!" Another policeman says: "That's not our task to find out. We bring you to the psychiatry. You know what this means?" Of course Garry knows it. Dissenters are sent to psychiatry, since dissent is a psychic disease. They are re-educated with brutal methods. Suddently Garry starts to scream and tries to run away, but the policeman grab and handcuff him, then they take him into a black car with dark windows...

The Remington County Record

For Whom The "Bell" Tolls
Enfield Lauren D'Order

Thankful that the "Timway/Belmore Family" law suit regarding Alan Belmores has been peacefully resolved, Asteroid Sports Network reporter Allen Bell-Moore returned to his duties in the ASPN studios today. Mr. Bell-Moore has been in hiding since he first heard of the law suit, and the "rounding up" of Alan Belmores. While he is not an "Alan Belmore", Allen Bell-Moore realized that the entire episode was caused by a mis-print, and decided to take no chances. "Better safe than sorry!" said Allen.

Chief of the International Grammar Police Zach Williams would like to point out that though the lawsuit has been dropped, the relation between the capture of all the world's Alan Belmores and the lawsuit is nonexistent. Furthermore, it has been picked up by an officer of the International Grammar Police that another crime against humanity has been committed. Below is an unaltered statement made by information minister Alan Belmore, whose whereabouts are unknown:



In dark shady rooms in Timway it was decided that the lawsuit against them would be dropped on the condition that all Alan Belmore's were returned to TBF.
Apparently the whole saga was over an insignificant typo in our newspaper's back pages. Therefor it has beeen suggested that Kingsford be brought to the ICC.
TBF would like to thanky Runaway Moose for their support in getting the safe return of the Alan Belmores.
We are officially closing our borders to all residents from Spaam and Kingsford incase of harm to our population.

The crime against humanity in the above statement has been put in bold for better viewing. Thus, since all Alan Belmores have a strikingly similar appearance, the International Grammar Police will now be arresting the world's Alan Belmores for the misuse of the word "loose" and the misuse of the word "therefore."

Zach Williams, on behalf of the International Grammar Police, would also like to remind The Belmore Family that though the closing of borders to all Spaam and Kingsford residents is perfectly legal, but to not allow the International Grammar Police, whom are under protection from many different accepted international organizations, which includes the United Nations, is a crime against humanity. If an instance of this occurs, all of the citizens of The Belmore Family will be transported to Gilmeecia awaiting their punishment for committing a crime against humanity.

The current count of Alan Belmores stands at 93,440,897; however every last Alan Belmore must be rounded up before any action can be taken for their now multiple crimes against humanity.

On a side note, Zach Williams would like to Blatantly laugh at The Belmore Family, because he is from Audioslavia.

The Remington County Sheriff today issued an arrest warrant for Zach Williams, aka "Chief of the International Grammar Police." Mr. Williams is charged with crimes against humanity, to whit: failure to properly spell the word "it". In a recent release, Zach Williams spelled the word "it" "i - s" (a quote from the offending document is provided below).
Furthermore, is has been picked up by an officer of...
The Remington County Sheriff intends to hand Zach Williams over to the ISP (international spelling police) once he is apprehended.

In a related story, Allen Bell-Moore has now been placed in the Snub Nose 38 Witless* Protection Program at his request and that of the Sheriff of Remington County. Pending court approval of his requested name change, Mr. Bell-Moore will remain in hiding. He has requested his name be changed to (removed by the censor).

*This word is spelled correctly. Allen Bell-Moore, and others in the program, haved been deemed to be without wit.

*This word is spelled correctly. Allen Bell-Moore, and others in the program, haved been deemed to be without wit.

Haved-ester Of Sorrow

General Jeremiah Von Deyaf-Hekeike issued an arrest warrant for the Remmington County Sheriff today, as part of the world's ongoing 'War On Errorism'.

Audioslavian inspectors found one TMD (typo of mass destruction) in a recent press release about the arrest of Zach Williams, a resident of Kingsford, but a native of Audioslavia.

The Remmington County Sheriff is expected to join Mr. Williams, and over ninety-million people going under the name 'Alan Belmore' in a lack-of-concentration camp in Gilmeecia.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, for the Soundgardian News on Sunday. Good evening, female canines.

Zach Williams would like to apologize to the international community, for the misuse and crime against humanity, concerning the word "is," was not his own fault but the fault of the news reporter, whom he was dictating to, and somehow, the reporter transcribed this crime against humanity. It was later found out that the reporter, who claimed to be Pat Collins, was actually named Alan Belmore, and thus this additional charge has been applied to all Alan Belmores, because once the Alan Belmore who misused the word "is" was placed on a prison ship, he became indistinguishable from the rest and thus all of the Alan Belmores have been charged.

The International Grammar Police would also like to assure those fine citizens like Allen Bell-Moore and others with similar names will not be detained, only those bearing the name Alan Belmore.

The current Alan Belmore Count is now 98,966,120. Notable in this number include the Field Hockey Star and the Football Coach.

*This word is spelled correctly. Allen Bell-Moore, and others in the program, haved been deemed to be without wit.

Haved-ester Of Sorrow
General Jeremiah Von Deyaf-Hekeike issued an arrest warrant for the Remmington County Sheriff today, as part of the world's ongoing 'War On Errorism'.
Audioslavian inspectors found one TMD (typo of mass destruction) in a recent press release about the arrest of Zach Williams, a resident of Kingsford, but a native of Audioslavia.

The Remington County Sheriff's office today issued a warrant for the arrest of General Jeremiah Von Deyaf-Hekeike. General Von Deyaf-Hekeike committed the atrocity of spelling "Remington" with too many "m"s.

The Sheriff of Remington County assures the public at large that the word "haved" is an acceptable form of the past tense of the verb "to have" in the Frost-Free Borderlands, the "d" being a common form of adding emphasis. (ooc: 8) )
Good evening, female canines. :D
'War on Errorism'lmao!

*an un-marked convey of trucks pulls up on the border of Gilmeecia, bearing no writing on them but for a number-plate with an Audioslavian registration number. Quickly, three men get out of each one and walk calmly to the back of their respective lorries.*

Driver: OK BITCHES, IM OPENING THE DOOR, ANYONE WHO MAKES A SOUND OR A SUDDEN MOVEMENT WILL BE SHOT

*a muffled noise can be heard from the truck, like many people are speaking at once, saying phrases like "who dat dere?", "durrr uh?" and "whut?" apart from one noise, slightly more coherent than the rest, saying "i do say my good man, what on earth is all this squabble about?". The door opens, at least thirty Alan Belmores pour out of each truck with the guards pointing their guns at them as they stumble past. They are lined up on the side of the road, each grunting their own little phrase usually along the lines of "duh?", "duhh" or, for the more intellectually minded Belmore, "derr.... flumph?".*

Guard: NAME?

First Alan Belmore: "duuhhhh...."

*Guard slaps the Alan Belmore*

Guard: ANSWER ME! NAME!

First Alan Belmore: "duhhhh... uhm...."

*Guard draws his AK-47 and points it at Alan's face. Alan looks at the gun, and after six or seven seconds of confusing glances at the gun, realises what it is*

Alan: Duh!!!! pphhhhuh!

Guard: yes... its a gun. if you say 'duh' again i'll blow your fuckin head off. now answer these questions. WHAT IS YOUR NAME

Alan: Alan... Bel.. More.....

Guard: good! well done! now, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Alan: (counting on his fingers) t.. ten...

Guard: TEN? TEN? YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR FORTY!

Alan: ive... iv.. ive only got t.. ten fingers

Guard: DO I LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

Alan: (confused) duh?

*guard shoots the first Alan Belmore in the arm, the first Alan Belmore squeals in pain. The guard goes up the line of Belmores, giving each the same line of questioning. Quentin Tarrantino gets ready to sue him.*

*An hour later, the guard finally gets to the last Alan Belmore*

Guard: NAME

Alan: Sir Smitthington Smythe sir. I say, what is all this kuffufle?

Guard: ..... so you arent Alan Belmore?

Smythe: no my old chap, i was acting as a diversion, apparently.

Guard: a diversion?

Smythe: i'm afraid i have no idea, these Lemmitanian chaps, you know the sort, scruffy, long-haired hippy type people who have this awful stench, a couple of them told me to get in the van to be a diversion when we get to Gilmeecia, said something about "knee join breakfast"... i say, it was those chaps over there...

*The guard and Smythe look towards the sunset at three Lemmitanian asylum seekers running over to the Gilmeecian border*

Guard: wasnt that..... didnt he commentate for Lemmitanian Radio?

Smythe: what in the devil are you talking about?

Guard:... nevermind, you fancy a lift back?

Smythe: why thats awfully kind. im english dont you know?

Guard: yeah i guessed... (turns back to the Alan Belmores) RIGHT, YOU LOT, ON THAT TRUCK (points to a truck with a Kinsfordian number plate) NOW BITCHES

*the Alan Belmores shuffle off in a hale of grunts and slack-jawed mumblings*

Guard: well, i reckon we're just that little closer to the 100 million mark...

The Remington County Sheriff's office today issued a warrant for the arrest of General Jeremiah Von Deyaf-Hekeike. General Von Deyaf-Hekeike committed the atrocity of spelling "Remington" with too many "m"s.

The Sheriff of Remington County assures the public at large that the word "haved" is an acceptable form of the past tense of the verb "to have" in the Frost-Free Borderlands, the "d" being a common form of adding emphasis. (ooc: 8) )!

General Jeremiah Von Deyaf-Hekeike has issued a statement, informing the sheriff and the citizens of Snub Nose that when an Audioslavian is spelling "Remington" the 'm' has four humps, rather than two. Therefore, the word was spelt correctly.

(ooc: 8) )

The Bedistan Sports Digest

We Might Make It After All
Three consecutive shutouts bring hope to Lions

DENNIS -- The Bedistan Lions recently played two World Cup 10 qualifying matches in rapid succession. First, in Kamakaza, a team composed partially of substitutes handed the home team another 3-0 loss. Two early goals by Darren Morlock set the stage, and midfielder Luis Bean finished it off ten minutes before full time.

Immediately afterward, the team flew back to Dennis to play #61 SterlingIce. Barber fielded the full starting team for this match, as the Lions had yet to defeat a ranked team. It was a very close, very defensive match, but Morlock came through with the only goal in the second half.

These two wins at last bring Bedistan up to third place in Group 7 as they prepare to play host to some high school team from New Montreal States.

---------------

Final score (matchday 11):
Kamakaza 0
Bedistan 3 (Morlock 8, 21; Bean 82)

Thomas Award points (matchday 11):
Morlock 4, Bean 3, Briscoe 1, Fukushima 1, Brew 1, Hockensmith 1

Bedistan Lions: Fukushima - Sanchez, Kucharski, Hockensmith, Brew - Briscoe, Bean, Palin - Morlock, Lewey, Barcelo

Final score (matchday 12):
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 66)
SterlingIce 0

Thomas Award points (matchday 12):
Morlock 2, Briscoe 1, Mitchell 3, Morgan 1, Sanchez 1, Saravia -1

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia [Hockensmith 49] - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock, Lewey [Boor 46], Sippel

Thomas Award frontrunners:
D. Morlock - 12
C. Mitchell - 12
C. Briscoe - 8

And now from 67SPORTS T.V. live from Etiennebourg Fields, it's Maurice Juin! (annoying drums) Paul Richard! (annoying drums) Benoit Meilleur! (sound of editor smashing instruments).

Juin: Welcome to Etiennebourg Fields, where YOUR Paladins are about to challenge Kerla.

Meilleur: ZZZ...snxx...ZZZ

Juin slaps Meilleur.

Meilleur: Mon 'estie de criss de connar de...

Director: CUT!

Director: Take 2!

Juin: Welcome to Etiennebourg Fields, where YOUR Paladins are about to challenge Kerla.

Meilleur: Maudit, my boxers are riding up on...

Director: CUT!

Director: Take 3!

Richard: It's amazing.

Juin: What?

Richard: That we haven't fired Meilleur yet.

Meilleur: snxx...ZZZ...snxx

Juin: The man shows up drunk to work, hits on the interns and...

Director: You MORONS! The cameras are ROLLING! CUT!

Director: Take 4!

Juin: Welcome to Etiennebourg Fields, where YOUR Paladins are about to challenge Ker...WHAT?!? What the heck are you SAYING they scored already?

Richard: Umm...the match began 7 minutes ago...

Meilleur: Did any of you guys bring more beer?

Richard: OH FERME TA GUELE you little drunken...*starts strangling Meilleur*

Director: CUT! Oh, I've $^@^&%$ well had enough. Goodbye.

Director jumps out the window onto the pitch.

Final Score: Paladins 1 Kerla 0

War on Errorism Nearing End

AP - The counts are in. 107,000,000 Alan Belmores are in custody. The prison ships hit shores of Gilmeecia, right off the Lou Sea. All 107 million Alan Belmores will be put to serve the punishment in Gilmeecia for committing multiple crimes against humanity in 24 hours.

Honeymoon over

Dark Outcasts triumph over Paladins 1-0

Like most one-night stands, this brief winning streak was over before it really began.

Dark Outcasts put a damper on the Paladins 1-0 at the Paladin Dome in New Montreal.

"Frankly, our boys did a real good job out there," said Julie Labrique, IPA spokeswoman. "But they're only high schoolers, after all. Dark Outcasts is one of the best teams in our division, and they certainly played well out there."

"We did okay," said proud parent Joesph Curmidgeon. "But those are some real pros out there, and my son was just one of a bunch of teens. It was amazing how well we stood up to them."

Tonight the New Montreal States High School All-Stars travel to Bedistan, hoping to prove for once and for all that the draw wasn't just a bunch of walkovers.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Orange-Blues defeated; but not as badly
Oglethorpia-Rejistania match ends in victory, despite a 'smaller' victory margin

By Bill Christmas

REJISTANIA (BT) -- The Wonderteam would once again face the Orange-Blues of Rejistania, playing to their home crowd on matchday ten. The Orange-Blues would come out with a strong start, their defense boldly stating that a 1-1-8 formation wouldn't work on them like it did on Irrevilentsdom.

Syku Lyku's shot from inside the goalie box curved past keeper Yamamoto-san's hands, soundly striking the back of the net putting the Orange-Blues up 1-nil in the 14th minute.

Torrence Black and Jorge White would make a fine run in the 20th; but Black's shot dinged the crossbar, an audible sigh from the Oglethorpian Wonderteam fans attending the game.

In the 34th, however Kirk Calhoun would have the equalizer with a fine header off Floyd Black's corner kick; being the oldest player, Calhoun still maintains a fine goal-celebration.

"It was good to score the first Wonderteam goal," striker Kirk Calhoun reflected. "Though Floyd gave me one helluva corner."

To the half, the Orange-Blues and the Wonderteam of Oglethorpia would remain even at 1-1.

"The blue & oranges play a good game," said striker Jorge White. "The second half was tough, but we still pulled out the victory."

It was in the 78th that the Wonderteam secured the winning goal, keeper Syku Hexen with a valiant dive to stop White's scorcher from outside the goalie's box, but to no avail.

Said coach Guy Picciotto, "the Rejistania Orangemen play a good game; but Torrence Black and Kirk Calhoun made good goals for us to win the game." When Mr. Picciotto was informed that the Rejistanian team is actually the 'Orange-Blues' and that it was really Jorge White who scored the Wonderteam's second goal in the 78th, he had only this to say: "I knew that."

THE COLD, HARD FACTS Form 124032A*

Oglethorpia - 2 (K. Calhoun 34th, J. White 78th)
Rejistania - 1 (S. Lyku 14th)

Note*: Please refer to form 124032B to view form 124032A. Form 124032B can be retrieved by signing and returning form 124032C.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Enveloped in Controversy
Controversial Penalty Drops Pandas to Third
by Markenin Markenel

MISERIAS(NP) - After two matchdays, Nikea came out with a win and a controversial loss, sending their overall record to 7-1-2, and putting them third in Group 5.

Matchday 11 started off strangely. Upon arrival at the SPARTEN airport, the Nikean players began talking amongst themselves in Nikean while waiting to pass through customs. Substitute goalkeeper Darinen Feretel was talking to Kalainen Mersentel, and used the Nikean word "bomi" (which, of course, means tree). The customs official thought he heard the word "bomb", and had the entire team secluded in the airport for three days while waiting for word from the inept SPARTEN government. They finally were released, but only had an hour to get to the SPARTEN national stadium, causing a delay in the kickoff.

The lack of warm-up time was evident for the Pandas when, in the third minute, a SPARTEN forward put a weak goal past a lazy Nikean midfield and defensive line, and Quertel looked half-asleep on the play. It was a quick 1-0 for the home side.

The remainder of the first half was utterly terrible for the Pandas, and only the inexperience of the home side kept the match at 1-0. Nikea spent the majority of the half-time break on the field, kicking balls around and performing a few drills hastily organized by manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel. After the 15 minute break was up, the Pandas seemed a bit more awake.

It took only 10 minutes of the second half for Nikea to equalize. Kerinen Irisiuene redirected a short Nistriel corner kick past the SPARTEN keeper, making the match 1-1. They quickly added another off a Turinnen Mortethel volley that was brilliantly set up by the Nikean midfield, pulling the Pandas into the lead for good.

[code:1:131379ed0c]
SPARTEN 1 (<player> 3)
v.
Nikea 2 (Istertel 55, Mortethel 61)
[/code:1:131379ed0c]

There was a bit more controversy in the second match, which took place in Aseri Stadium in Miserias. After a scoreless first half, the visitors took a 1-0 lead off a free kick which left both the defending wall and Quertel frozen to their spots. With 13 minutes left in the second half, Kerinen Irisiuene drew the Pandas level when he picked up his own rebound from 6 yards out.

In the 85th minute, Aleksei Strekiov made what seemed like a clean tackle inside the box. After clearing getting to the ball first, the Nastic player took a dive that would have won any Olympic competition, and sold the official who was behind the play. Strekiov's language problem got him in trouble again, when he spouted off on a tangent in Russian that neither the referee, the Nastic players, nor any of the Nikean players understood. After a yellow card for what the official guessed was Strekiov arguing with him, the Nastic penalty man made no mistake on the kick, putting the ball in the back of the net, sending Nastic two points ahead of the Pandas in Group 5.

Nikea now sits in third place, 4 points ahead of Rejistania and 2 behind Nastic, with a game in hand over both of them. After an initial outcry over the Bedistani analyst's comment about Oglethorpia's commanding lead, it would appear that even the most diehard Panda fan would have to concede that Oglethorpia looks like they have the group all sewn up, and will hope that Nikea will show who the better team in three weeks time, when the Wonderteam visits Solarin Stadium in Queldas. Nikea is next at home in Arieni to Senoj, before making a stop in Irreliventsdom before the match with Oglethorpia.

[code:1:131379ed0c]
Nikea 1 (Irisiuene 77)
v.
Nastic 2 (<player> 55, <player> 85 PK)
[/code:1:131379ed0c]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

"Okay," says George McDouglas, to the Wonderteam starting eleven cramped in the small offices of the Assocation of Futebol. Or the Association of Football, to avoid giving the Kingsforders any reason to bitch.

"The match against Nikea's Pandas is going to have a lot of record keeping involved. First, form 12-4033A and 12-4033B will reference the recording of the match's result; to be retrieved from records by form 12-4033C. But that's a different matter. Now, 12-4033A and 12-4033B need to be signed by both Wonderteam captain" - he pauses, and looks at Fernando Green: "and the Pandas captain."

"We never had to do that before," points out midfielder Floyd Black.
"No, we didn't. Change of plans. It's a...new record keeping format," said McDouglas, obviously making the excuse up on the fly.
"Hrm," said Floyd, returning back to his silence.
"Which brings me to my next point. After each goal, we need the scorer, and the goalie to make additions to forms 12-4033A and 12-4033B, noting on 12-4033C that the goals are marked on 12-4033A and 12-4033B."

The Wonderteam looked bewildered; besides McDouglas sat a stack of government papers with the customary strip of red on the top of them.

"All that has to be signed, verified, referenced and sealed?" Fernando Green said, agape.
"Pretty much," McDouglas replied. "But don't worry. Most of it, we need the Nikeans to sign as well."

If the Wonderteam knew that McDouglas had a grand scheme to slow down the Wonderteam-Pandas match to a slow crawl with dozens of papers to sign and verify, they didn't show it.

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Honorful loss against Oglethorpia
The Orange-Blues lost against the so-called Wonderteam (lasane etsana) from Oglethorpia 1-2. One of the factors that prevented a higher loss could be, that the oglethorpian fans were a clear minority, because Ratansa tani'mesit KaMaRi, the KaMaRian airport was still not able to work on full capacity and many fans from abroad had to come via Sike or even via Na~ovi. Also notable was, that TV stations from abroad were transmitting highlights from the match, after the Orange-Blue matches were elected as second to most entertaining for neutral viewers.

The line-up had no surprises: Imdila'he didn't give the out-of-nowheres a chance, he wanted to win. The team was nearly entirely made-up of the starters (only Linkosa'he replaced Susu'he, but that is also no surprise). The Junis-Omeh started aggresively, since all of them wanted revenge for the highest trashing in the Orange-Blue history. No one would think, that the Orange-Blues are normally notorious for their defensive tactics. In the 14th minute, their efforts were fruitfull as SyLy archieved the lead goal. The whole stadium went crazy. The lasane etsana was shocked and repled by changing to a more aggressive tactic, too. After a good chance for the Oglethorpians, the Orange-Blues got back to the style of game, they are known for. In the 34th minute, Calhoun'he equalized after a corner kick from Black'he, the score was 1-1. The score didn't change during the first half despite some chances for both sides.
The second half started as the complete opposite of the first. This time the Oglethorpians attacked, while the Rejistanians played defensive as usual. In the 78th minute, an error of substitute defender Kiru'he (changed in in the 67th minute for Ijanhi'he) gave White'he the chance for the second oglethorpian goal and he showed his world class by archieving it. The Orange-Blues had a good chance in the additional time, but the ball sailed just centimetres over the Oglethorpian goal.

The result:
Rejistania 1 (Lyku 14th)
Oglethorpia 2 (Calhoun 34th, White 78th)

Orange-Blue top-scorers:
Lyku: 10
Su: 5
Linkosa: 2
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1

On the Brink

Dennisov's manager, Mario Lemieux can almost unpack his golf clubs and take some practise swings. With the latest result, Dennisov is on the brink of qualification. The team, which now has a commanding lead over their nearest rivals Dark Outcast, hardly seemed interested at all.

Game 11
Dennisov - Kamakaza 1-0

43rd minute: Goulet 1-0

Practically all games have been decided by a single goal and this game would not be any different. The teams playing last night were more concerned with preventing goals than actually scoring them. The result was a rather tedious showcase of keeping possession. In the end, Dennisov somehow managed to place the ball in the back of Kamakaza's net. Normally a win would satisfy the Dennish supporters, however this game did not, in all honesty, deserve one.

When Goulet volleyed a ball onto net in the 43rd minute, after a Conacher cross, it was the first true attempt at scoring from either side. The ball slipped through the Kamakaza defense and in underneath the goal keeper.

"We are the home side, we should try and give the spectators something to look at," Laroche said after the game.

"We got 3 points for it; in a few years time the only thing people remember was whether we qualified or not," Lemieux stated in the press conference after the game.

*in the ballroom of the palatial mansion on the rural estate of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages the lights are low. the staff orchestra is playing softly. the minister, in white tie and tails, is dancing with someone in satin burgundy robes and a silk blue cape.*

*at 38 special stadium, in the managers office, the lights are bright, and the music a bit more raucous. ben dover, in a tux, is dancing with eileen, who is wearing a silk kimono. each is holding a half-empty champagne glass.*

*in a bar called "the no name" in downtown sten, all 22 members of the snub nose 38 national football side, the hooligans - and all 22 members of the snub nose 38 national cheerleading squad (also the hooligans) are partying. hard. the three bartenders can barely keep up with them.*

*in his massive office, the guy currently in charge of stuff for the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38 is busy affixing his seal to a large number of knighthoods and various other awards. we find this odd - snub nose 38 does not have a peerage system.*

*in the aspn studios, the floor is glistening from the amount of beverages that have been spilled. a gigantic office party is underway. no one has noticed that the "on air" sign is - on.*

*the streets of sten - and every other city in snub nose 38 - are like mardi gras.*

The reason for all this?

[code:1:c9f84c30e2]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 15 11 2 2 26 9 17 35 38 roster Qlf
9 The Weegies (50) 14 11 1 2 24 10 14 34 40 roster Qlf
3 Arridia (20) 14 9 1 4 25 13 12 28 34 roster Qlf
4 East Spaam (33) 14 6 1 7 18 18 0 19 25 elim
8*Cockbill Street 14 6 1 7 11 11 0 19 25 roster elim
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)14 5 4 5 13 15 -2 19 25 elim
5 A nation 14 3 2 9 8 19-11 11 17 elim
6 Sensual Products (63)14 3 1 10 14 22 -8 10 16 elim
2 Larkinia 15 1 5 9 7 27-20 8 11 elim

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit matchday 10, 3 “goals for” awarded to Cockbill Street

Max Poss Pts = maximum points side can attain if it wins all it’s remaining matches (1 for Larkinia and Snub Nose 38, 2 for all other sides)

roster = published a team roster
[/code:1:c9f84c30e2]
Updated to include Matchday 14 thru 16 results. And the band plays on!

Matchday 13 Results
Larkinia 0 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam 0 at The Weegies 2
A nation 0 at Snub Nose 38 1
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Arridia 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 14 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Sensual Products 1
Arridia 0 at Cockbill Street 1
East Spaam 1 at Larkinia 0
The Weegies 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
A nation - bye

Matchday 15 Results
Larkinia 0 at Sensual Products 4
A nation 1 at Arridia 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at The Weegies 2
East Spaam – bye

Matchday 15 Results
Snub Nose 38 1 at Cockbill Street
East Spaam 4 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 4 at Larkinia 2
Arridia – bye

The remaining schedule for the Hooligans is matchday 17 The Weegies, matchday 18 bye.

Outcasts in need of Rejuvenation

Outcasts recorded a scoreless draw to Kamakaza today. This result has led to the commom thought that the entire team are in need of some rejuvenation. One theory on why the team have drawn was concieved by Dr Bin Loony today at a pub, "The real story is that they are all suffering from lack of boot up the arse syndrome. The all need to get kicked into gear and out of reverse if they are ever going to take up the title". In lieu of this comment the team manager decided take up the doctors advice. Shouts of, to put it lightly, "Ouch!" were heard from the dressing room.

Final score Dark Outcasts 0 Kamakaza 0

Are We There Yet?

Dennisov just needs a few points to qualify prior to the away game against LordSquall. Most illustrative of this was the fact that manager Lemieux ordered the construction of a putting green in the hotel he and the team stayed.

Game 12
LordSquall - Dennisov 1-2

37th minute: LordSquall 1-0
56th minute: Laroche 1-1
59th minute: Goulet 1-2

After getting quite a scare in the first half, Dennisov managed to put together a good game.
The initial outlook was bleak when LordSquall adapted the same tactics as Oilermania had used to keep Dennisov off the score sheet.
A flurry of tackles and fouls kept the Dennisov backs out of play, allowing the home team plenty of possession and control over the flow of play.
The resulting 1-0 lead after 37 minutes did not come as a total surprise. After a fierce tackle on Laroche, LordSquall found themselves with a great opportunity to take the lead.
In spite of Cheevers' efforts to keep the ball out, he could not prevent the LordSquall forward from placing the ball into the net after a hard cross had put the Dennisov goal keeper completely out of position.

The second half saw Dennisov take on LordSquall with their own tactics.
Slowly the game slipped away from LordSquall, as Dennisov managed to push them further back. A corner from the left hand side of the pitch by Joliat found the tall defender Laroche at the far post. Wildor Laroche had no trouble heading the ball in for the equaliser.
Just 3 minutes later, Goulet dribbled up the field, passed several defenders and let go with a long range curling shot, sailing over the LordSquall goal keeper and into the net.

"I am no mathmetician, but I think we should be there now," Goulet said.

Neither are we, but we have lists:

[code:1:b64d245a87]
Dennisov 11-1-0 = 34 23--3, max=46
Dark Outcast 7-3-2 = 24 16--5, max=36
Bedistan 6-2-3 = 20 12--5, max=35
LordSquall 6-1-4 = 19 16--8, max=34
SterlingIce 5-3-4 = 18 11-10, max=30
New Montreal States 4-0-8 = 12 8-12, max=24
Kerla 2-2-7 = 8 6-16, max=23
Oilermania 2-1-8 = 5 5-18, max=20
Kamakaza 1-3-8 = 5 4-12, max=17
[/code:1:b64d245a87]

As shown above there are 3 teams which can still get level or pass Dennisov for first in the group. LordSquall can get to 34 points and with a lot of bad luck could still deny Dennisov a place in the WorldCup, depending on which rules apply when teams end up with the same amount of points. Dennisov needs 1 more point to clinch certain qualification and 3 to win the group. Naturally these calculations are for single nations only, and with that in mind, qualification has been achieved with 99% certainty.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
The Arrivian Alliance Puts 2 Goals On Bulldogs, Still Lose
THE ARRIVIAN ALLIANCE - Vojtilo didn't exactly have his best day today coming off of the shocking loss to Akbarland, but he blocked just enough goals to keep his team on top. Team captain Quigley hit the goal surprisingly early in the game, followed by an equalizer by TAA. At the start of the second half, Deppiesse got another goal to make it 2-1, but TAA equalized once again. Decker managed to score the decisive goal late in the game, and TAA could not recover in the final minutes of the match. The Bulldogs now stand only 5 points away from qualification. The win also marked Deppiesse's 10th goal for the Bulldogs and the 6th consecutive road game without a loss for the team (starting with the WC9 game at Akbarland)
(23) Commerce Heights 3 (Quigley 7, Deppiesse 49, Decker 87)
(UR) The Arrivian Alliance 2 - FT
The Bulldogs are still on top of Group 9 by two points going into their critical match with Liverpool England:
[code:1:cc6fd40aaf]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Commerce Heights (23) 12 9 1 2 21 9 +12 28 -5
Liverpool England (2) 12 8 2 2 24 9 +15 26 -7
Halfassedstates (19) 12 8 2 2 22 12 +10 26 -7
Akbarland (51) 12 5 5 2 17 14 +3 20
Morawny (58) 11 4 2 5 15 12 +3 14
Kravoli (81) 11 3 3 5 10 14 -4 12
Pavesia 12 3 1 8 9 19 -10 10 ELM
EL CID THE HERO 11 1 3 7 5 18 -13 6 ELM
The Arrivian Alliance 11 0 3 8 8 24 -16 3 ELM
Numbers shown (such as -5) in the Q/E column indicate the number of points needed for guaranteed qualification by the top 3 teams.[/code:1:cc6fd40aaf]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland – L 0-2
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-2
Day 14: at #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:cc6fd40aaf] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 52 10 13 17 12
Wins 28 3 6 10 9
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 15 4 3 6 2
Avg. Opp. Rank 74.9 62.6 81.7 69.3 85.9
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.8 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +20 -3 +5 +6 +12
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:cc6fd40aaf]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:cc6fd40aaf]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 12 6 0.50
C. Deppiesse 12 5 0.42
J. Cahalane 12 4 0.33
K. Decker 12 3 0.25
F. Wallace 12 2 0.17
K. DeGraffenreid 12 1 0.08

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 12 9 0.75

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 52 26 0.50
C. Deppiesse..** 29 10 0.34
J. Cahalane**** 51 14 0.27
K. Decker**** 52 14 0.27
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 30 6 0.20
M. McCormick.^^^ 10 2 0.20
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 12 1 0.08
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 51 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 45 53 1.18
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:cc6fd40aaf]

*Once again we are off camping in the hills outside Sowhatsville. On the way up the path, we decide to check up on our young friend in the cottage. As we approach the building we can here a couple of female voices arguing - we cautiously approach the window and see an elderly lady and what looks like her daughter 'talking' between them on the table is a book. We go across to another of the windows and see the young girl we saw before - she is once again sitting at a table writing.*

Margaret
c/o The Minister of Athletics, Olympics and alcoholic beverages office
Sten
Snub Nose 38

Hi Auntie,
Thank-you very much for the present you sent. I had managed to get a couple of eagle feathers, and the silver string was the perfect present to finish off my pouch.

I think I am getting better at the ritual - it doesn't seem as scary anymore. I still haven't let anyone watch me yet though - I think i'll leave it for a while before i do that!

Mum and Nana got back to-day. It was really nice to see them back, and they were really happy that I had been keeping in touch with you while they were away. Mum says to say thank-you for everything.

While i'm glad their back, I am a little sad, because mum will probably start doing the rituals again, and I was just begining to enjoy it all. Also, mum and nana have been arguing with each other all day since they got back - and when mum found out i had been reading nana's book on the curse it got even worse. I don't think mum wanted me to see it, but nana seems to think it was a good thing and that it shows i've got initative! I think they're just annoyed with each other because they have had to spend the last three weeks travelling back from whereever it was nana went to!

Anyway, everything seems to be back to normal here! I am doing well in school, I came 2nd in the last test, and tomorrow is the final day before we have a holiday - then its the exams :cry:
I hope everything is well with you and the Snub Nose people.
I'll send you another note after the exams and let you know how i got on.

Love as always,
Mag.

*As she finishes the letter, the girl looks up and almost sees us at the window. Time to head on. It would be nice to meet this Margaret someday we think - maybe our next camping trip should be to Snub Nose 38 - hmmm*

The Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids for immediate release UPDATED to include Matchday 14 Results
The following is totally useless information regarding the number of goals scored during qualifying matches to date (15th matchday).

The total number of goals scored in qualifying matches through matchday 14 is 1403 (3 of these were awarded to Cockbill Street on matchday 10 when Evisceratomatoes forfeit their match)

Total number of goals scored each matchday, 1 thru 13: 85, 96, 96, 98, 91, 90, 92, 90, 96, 91, 97, 99, 84, 90, 108. Highest is 108 on matchday 15, lowest is 84 on matchday 13

Average number of goals scored on a matchday = 93.5 (the Ministry is not aware of which side is scoring those 0.5 goals)

Total number of goals scored by each qualifying group, 1 thru 10: 132, 131, 151, 150, 136, 126, 130, 152, 142, 153. Highest is 153 - Group 10, lowest is 126 - Group 6.

Average group totals through matchday 15: 140.3(we are also unaware of who is scoring 0.3 goals)

The lowest number of goals scored on a matchday by a group is 1 (Group 6 on matchday 1, and Group 9 on matchday 8 )

The highest number of goals scored on a matchday by a group is 18 (Group 7 matchday 15)

The average number of goals scored by a group on a matchday is 9.4 (don't ask about those 0.4 goals)

The Ministry has a pretty chart showing each groups number of goals scored on each matchday - but hasn't been able to put it in a format that can be posted. All y'all probably don't wanna see it, anyway. :wink:

This has been an UPDATE to a Ministry of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids useless Press Release

Acqua: Ducked
Pun-writers use same pun as in the first game

Citta Acqua were beaten 2-0 today as Audioslavia put 3 points between themselves and Zinkoland.

The goals came from Branson in the first half, and substitute Dave Mill in the second half.

Final Score:
Citta Acqua 0
Audioslavia 2 (Branson 28, Mill 82)

Top top six now look like this:
[code:1:5881d70450]
P W D L F A +/- Pts
Ravenspire 12 9 2 1 25 11 +14 29
Audioslavia 12 8 0 4 23 10 +13 24
Zinkoland 12 6 3 3 15 11 +4 21
Svecia 12 6 1 6 21 14 +7 19
Clearwater 11 5 3 3 15 12 +3 18
Dragonian 12 5 2 5 20 19 +1 17
[/code:1:5881d70450]

The 'slaves now only need nine points from their remaining four matches to be sure of qualifying, whereas leaders Ravenspire need only two. Audioslavia's next matches are at home to Dragonian Empire, Away to Davii, at home to Clearwater and finally an away match against Ravenspire.

If, between now and the end of qualifying, Clearwater fail to win three times, and Svecia and TDE fail to win twice then they are eliminated and Zinkoland, Audioslavia and Ravenspire will progress to the world cup.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

*conversation between ben dover, hooligans manager, and the pilot of the charter flight taking them to their matchday 13 qualifying match*

- Welcome aboard, sir
- Thanks. You're the pilot? What's your name?
- Yes, sir. I'm your pilot, Rob U. Blind, and this is my co-pilot, Elmo Chuckles. We call 'im "Tickle-me-Elmo".
- Fine. How long will the flight be?
- That depends on where we're going, sir.
- They didn't tell you?
- No. Where are we going, sir?
- A nation.
- A what?
- A nation.
- Which one?
- Which what?
- Nation.
- A nation.
- Oh. Which one?
- Which one what?
- What?
- We are going to A nation!
- Yes, sir. Which one?
- Which what?
- Which nation?
- A nation.
- Which nation?
- Not Witch nation, A nation.
- What?
- We're taking a bus.

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

A nation Falls
Sten Remington Grey

Asked "How do you plan to play today?" as he was stepping off the team bus, Hooligan Manager Ben Dover replied, "Better than A nation."

Which caused immediate and lengthy confusion, which will not take up any space in this report or any of your valuable time.

And they did. Playing now for honor, as they have been mathematically eliminated from contention for a spot in World Cup X, A nation played with honor - and skill, and determination, and pride. But, no goals. They moved the ball skillfully, and actually had the better of time of possession (53 minutes to 41 minutes including 1 minute of added time at the half, and 3 minutes at the end of the match). But the Hooligans defense held. At the half, neither side had managed a goal.

When the second half began, it was immediatley apparent that both managers had adjusted with offense in mind. A nation shifted from 2 forward to 3, with a 3 man back line. The Hooligans switched defensive midfielder Buster for offensive minded Tecumsah. The pace of the match picked up, and it became quite physical.

In the end, it was a bad tackle in the box, and a penalty kick by Knuckles, that gave the Hooligans the only goal of the match (83rd minute), the win (1 - 0), and 3 points to keep them in first place in Group 1.

Group 3 (Team, Points, Remaining games, Highest possible totals)

RM 29 5 44
EB 28 5 43
TnUI 22 4 34
LD 18 4 30
WW 17 5 32
USA 11 4 23
Koe 10 5 25
Jau 9 4 21
Micro 2 4 14

TBF look to Qualify next match.

After a stunning 3-2 win over Great Boogie TBF are looking for a set of results to catapult them into the next round. Here are the reguired results:


Gemantkuntswerk Vs Monotonous Monarchy 0-1
Antaeus Rising Vs Great Boogie 1-1
The most holy Kesler V The Belmore Family 0-1
CallMeBernard V Timway 0-1

This would leave the table:


[code:1:6801b223df]Group 4 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
The Belmore Family (9) 13 9 2 2 28 9 +19 29 Q
Timway (41) 12 7 3 2 19 12 +7 24
Antaeus Rising (40) 13 6 4 3 24 15 +9 22
Gesamtkuntswerk (11) 13 6 2 5 24 14 +10 20
CallMeBernard (64) 13 6 2 5 20 16 +4 20
The most holy Kesler 12 3 2 6 7 18 -11 12
Monotonous Monarchy 12 3 3 6 5 16 -11 12
Great Boogie 12 2 4 6 6 20 -14 10
Nadaskor 12 2 1 9 7 22 -15 7 E[/code:1:6801b223df]

Giving us qualification

Brazillico Manager Spotted in Halfassedstates for Qualifier

Brazillico manager Esteban de Jesus, former midfield superstar for the Brazillican national side, was seen taking in the game featuring Halfassedstates and Morawny, with the home side winning the match 3-2. De Jesus was attentively watching the game, trying to get a feel for where his side stands amongst these established international squads.

Brazillico's team tryout camp got underway last week and the prognosis of many experts thusfar has not been good.

"Football has survived the last few years through Scorpion Soccer in Brazillico," said sports writer Marc Porto, "This team has great offensive creativity, but their stamin and defensive awareness is terrible. And don't get me started on the goaltending."

De Jesus, however, believes this team can make some noise on the international stage. "We've got a lot of talent and a lot of potential," says De Jesus, "If we put in the work, this team could surprise a few people come time for World Cup 11."

The twenty-eight footballers selected to this camp are now being subjected to an intense physical training program, placing a heavy emphasis upon cardiovascular conditioning and plyometrics, as well as being placed on a strict diet regimen. In response to their defensive woes, De Jesus convinced his ex-teammate Raphael Sorin to join the squad, a member of the champion World Cup 6 team.

The 5'4" Sorin was a critical part of Brazillico's tournament leading defense, who made up for his lack of size with his quickness and unparalleled defensive awareness. Although the now 40 year-old Sorin's quickness is not what it used to be, his defensive genius will be heavily counted upon to teach the younger players the defensive fundamentals.

"Sorin was a great defender and the revolution took him away from his prime on the international stage," said De Jesus, "I don't care if he's older and undersized, he'll still be one of the best defenders in qualifying."

As for Brazillico's goaltending woes, which can be attributed to the complete lack of a goaltending position in Scorpion Soccer, rumor has it that veteran of four World Cups, McMario, was contacted to become Brazillico's goaltending coach. Although De Jesus refused to confirm McMario's presence on the coaching staff, he likewise refused to acknowledge whether talks were being conducted between the two parties.

A Press Release from the RMIIWFUEINED
Runaway Moose Institution of Information We Find Useful Even If Nobody Else Does

edited due to an error in the number of qualifying teams

IF RM and EB and TnUI all win their next game...

... USAnia and Koennerstein are out

To remain in the competition...

...USAnia can not lose or draw their next match

...RM has to win one and draw one

IF

...RM at least wins one and draws one they are in for sure

...EB at least wins two or wins one and draws two they are in for sure

...RM loses all their matches we will cry.

George W. Bush speaks live on Communist News Network:

Comrades,

Koennerstein may have won against our great socialist country once, but they could not repeat it. We have defeated Koennerstien here in New York city by a stunning 1-0. This incredible victory showed the greatness of our team, our nation and of our ideology. We were victorious! It is the corrupt WCC and the biased referrees that don't realise it. They say, we are eliminated already. We are NOT eliminated. You can see how real we are, even if the WCC thinks we are doomed already! We are not doomed, our five-year-plans are fulfilled in four years, our state is socialistic and 100% of the USAnian population agree with the government. It is pure envy that made the corrupt countries of the WCC decide, that our matches were lost. USAnia will stay strong!

Thanks for your attention, hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

That was no double post! There are no double-posts in USAnia, they are nothing but inventions from the corrupt, capitalistic rogue-states that try to oppress our population!

*This is a thread-fixing maintenance procedure, courtesy of the Bedistan Department of Public Affairs.*

...well, I thought it was. Judging by the main forum page, there's a phantom post by Kingsford somewhere in here, at least half an hour old...

Bad News, Good News
Ians lose 0-2 to Oreo Cookie during newspaper strike; Beat Anti-Nazis 1-0 next match

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- On paper, at least, it evens out - one win and one loss in two games. The only more fair way to do things would have been a double draw, but one gets the feeling from the Ians locker room that anything short of a win will no longer do.

“I can’t believe we lost to Oreo Cookie,” said Assistant Coach David Westmore in an interview after the first game. “I felt for sure we were going to gobble them up - you know, beat the stuffing out of them? But we just couldn’t seem to twist their game plan apart, and it showed the whole match.”

“There goes all our chances at qualifying,” agreed a glum Benny Answorth, his normal upbeat attitude nowhere to be seen in the morose locker room.

The Ians had every reason to despair, even in the golden glow coming off an amazing 1-0 defeat of their group’s top ranked team. Now, after several publications ranked them “the best new team” and “most likely to qualify among the new teams,” they felt as if they had let their public down. The fact that Oreo Cookie was mathematically eliminated the next day didn’t help.

Of course, the next day everything was forgotten in the glory of a 1-0 victory over sixty-ninth ranked Anti-Nazis. Leonard Flaherty struck for his sixth goal of the season early on, and the Iansisle defense was its normal dominating self.

In goal, Benny Answorth was nothing short of amazing, as if he were making amends for his lackluster performance against Oreo Cookie. Iansisle didn’t dominate Anti-Nazis, but they certainly demonstrated an admirable control and precision that was very missing in their early matches.

After the game, David Westmore filled in for Coach Lord Riveran at the press conference once again. He waved aside any foolish notions of the coach’s health, and insisted on football questions. The first one, naturally, was if he expected the Ians to qualify or not.

“Well, sir, that’s a tricky question,” answered Westmore cautiously. “I think at this point, our qualification really depends on how well the teams above us do in their last few games. However, no matter what happens, I believe this team will play its heart off, and even if we don’t qualify, we’ll know we gave it our all.”

(begone, accursed shadow!)

War on Errorism Ends!

The count was in. 107,000,000. The boats hit the rocky Gilmeecian Shore, and when the bay doors opened, all 107 Million Alan Belmores walked outside, and were instantly devoured by the hellmouths. New international laws have been passed against naming your child Alan Belmore, and Zach Williams and the International Grammar Police can finally rest. A job well done.

A statement from the staff of the Columbia Times:

Due to immense rioting on the streets of Columbia, the newspaper office has been shut down for the day. Bedistanis take their football very seriously, and to many, a 1-0 loss to unranked New Montreal States at home is completely inexcusable. We hope to be able to continue World Cup qualifying coverage tomorrow.

[code:1:41cb9865af]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Dennisov (14) 12 11 1 0 23 3 +20 34 QUA
Dark Outcasts (28) 12 7 3 2 16 5 +11 24 -8
Bedistan (4) 11 6 2 3 12 5 +7 20 -12
LordSquall (47) 12 6 1 4 16 8 +8 19
SterlingIce (61) 12 5 3 4 11 10 1 18
New Montreal States 12 4 0 8 8 12 -4 12
Kerla 11 2 2 7 6 16 -10 8
Oilermania 11 2 1 8 5 18 -9 7
Kamakaza 12 1 3 8 4 23 -19 6 ELI

Numbers shown (such as -8) in the Q/E column indicate the number of points needed for guaranteed qualification by the top 3 teams.[/code:1:41cb9865af]

Ahoops.

EASY DRAW MY ***! proclaims IPA prez

Paladins slay Lions 1-0

Early predictions of walkover fall through

Archambault Legrand scored at 17:04 in overtime to bring this vengenance match home as a win for the Paladins over the Bedistan Lions.

The second game of this budding international rivalry (OOC: Whoever's putting together regions for WC11: hint hint) was a dead draw throughout the whole game as both teams played ferocious defense throughout the game.

After Legrand put the ball in in Overtime, the nation went wild.

Riots broke out as druken partiers spilled out onto the streets to celebrate. Impromptu demonstrations of fireworks broke out. It was surely the best moment for the 'States after the disgrace of the first half of the tourney.

"EASY DRAW MY ***!," stated new IPA president Jean LeClerc. "Maybe now those...what?!? This mikes on?!? Ah, Bedistan played extremely well. Yes. But so did we. It could've gone either way, really. WOO-HOO!"

Lord Executor Frog joined the crowds on the street. He was just as jubilant (and just as drunk) as most of the partiers.

"Frog, drunk?" asked one schoolteacher on the streets. "The heck with it. He deserves a break, after all."

Other soccer news

Cockbill Street suffered a setback to their goal of qualifying by drawing Larkania 0-0, much to the disappoinment of those who watched that game here on 67Sports before our team began play in Bedistan. Dennisov, from our draw, clinched a spot in the round of 32, being the first team to do so. LordSquall, Dark Outcasts and Bedistan are jostling for the remaining 2 spots. SterlingIce has a small chance of qualifying. The Paladins have an even smaller chance.

...well, I thought it was. Judging by the main forum page, there's a phantom post by Kingsford somewhere in here, at least half an hour old...

i think Kingsford was naughty and deleted a post. Bad Kingsford. Bad bad bad kingsford. :evil:

Yeah, the forums have this thing of not working for me. So it looks like I posted, but I actually didn't. The above post about the War on Errorism is my third attempt to end it, but the forums are really screwed up.

EASY DRAW MY ***! proclaims IPA prez

OOC: The forums won't allow you to make text any bigger than size 29. ;)

Spaamanians Await Loss

Spaam has been incredibly lucky so far, losing only one match
(away), and being within one point of the top 3, after a last minute
win against Eauz in Eluch'l last night. However, with 5 matches to
go, critics and statisticians alike are predicting that Spaam will lose
their next 5 matches, to give them an even 6-4-6 record.


Critic Fin Wan says "It is unfortunate that the results have gone
this way, because it may give a large number of Spaamanians false
hope of possibly qualifying. It is just not going to happen. The fact
that we've only lost one match is horrible, and so we must face up
to the fact that we MUST lose the next 5 matches. Even if we don't,
qualifying is just not an option. We are just not good enough. The
mere fact that it would be financial disaster should be enough to
dissuade everyone, as the USFA spent a large amount of money
building a massive Evisceramato Sauce factory, and so have no
more funds to send our team to OGRZ for the World Cup proper.
We must lose this next match."

Meanwhile USFA officials are considering fining and sacking coach
Hoopai for making the team try so hard for such a hopeless cause.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Visitor Haraki loses to Wonderteam
Oglethorpian Wonderteam claims another victory.

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Oglethorpia's Wonderteam once again took the field before their home crowd in Amalgamated Stadium on matchday eleven. The turnout was once again a sold out game, some 118,000 fans packed into Sheffingham's largest futebol stadium. Behind goalkeeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto was a sea of blue, green and white; here above the fans flying a massive Oglethorpian flag.

The Haraki Hawks stayed even with the Oglethorpian Wonderteam 40 minutes into the first half, Jorge White with the first breakthrough making a fine run through three Hawks-defenders to score the first goal of the match.

The Hawks would strike back soon, Yamamoto-san keeping one out with a beautiful looking dive in the 43rd.

Early in the second half midfielder Floyd Black would have his second goal of his career. Off a small cross from striker Torrence Black, midfielder Floyd Black would provide a small kick into the goal past the Hawks' keeper and make the match 2-nil.

Torrence Black would come up with a goal himself in the 67th, into the corner of the net past the Hawks' keeper from 12 yards out. Said Black (the striker), "we played a good game today. Yamamoto-san was playing some good defense for us, and the offense was clickin' today. Always good to take away a 3-nil victory. We kicked ass."

Coach Picciotto had similar words to say on the Wonderteam's preformance versus the Haraki Hawks. "We played a good match of football today, and the score showed. Hopefully we'll keep up this preformance vs. Nastic and those limey morons from Nikea."

Picciotto later apologized for his terming of the Nikeans as limey morons. "They beat us, that's all," he added.

The Wonderteam faces NASTIC 2 next, playing once again in Amalgamated Stadium, Sheffingham. After that match, the Wonderteam travels to Nikea to once again face off with the Nikean Pandas; the records between the two teams standing at 1-0-1.

"We're going to prepare for that match," said team captain Fernando Green. "We're going to repeat our preformance in World Cup 9, and defeat them again."

Confident words. We'll see if it all pans out for the Wonderteam.

---

'Alan' and 'Belmore' added to list of banned names
The 'There Are Too Many Mikes" Act gets a revision

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Today, Parliament signed into re-legislation (via form 12-4056A & 12-4056B*) the 'There Are Too Many Mikes' Act, passed eight years ago during the duration of World Cup 8. The Act calls for the name change of any new child named "Mike" with any last name related to a color. The revision, passed by Parliament 110-0 (a historic turnout, as documented in form 12-4031A and 12-4031B**) calls for the mandatory name change of any child named "Alan Belmore" in addition to "Mike <color last name>."

"This Act is for the good of Oglethorpia," said President Marvin Thomas. "As you recall, dozens upon dozens of Mike Whites, Greens, Greys, Grays and Browns came out of the woodwork in records numbers. And that was between half a dozen nations! From the Belmore Family alone we had some 100 million Alan Belmores. Like the 'Mike <color last name>'s, we needed to prevent continual aggrivation of the existing problem. And the "There Are Too Many Mikes" Act does just that; it makes sure that we won't have any more Alan Belmores or Mike Whites, Greens, Greys, Grays or Browns running around rampantly. It was absurd. And hopefully between Kingsford and Oglethorpia, we can help alleviate the problem."

Said a local analyst here at the Bureaucratic Tribune, "President Marvin is completely right. Kingsford and Oglethorpia, with the banning of naming any new children 'Alan Belmore' will hopefully make a dent in the overpopulated population of Alan Belmores existing in the world. It does help that a good portion of them were devoured by a hellmouth."

When told that Spaam has also been instrumental in AB hunting, he had this to say. "Spaam too; though they're promoting killing of the hundreds of wild Alan Belmores. We'd never do that. Kingsford and Oglethorpia have done all they can do, short of destroying the country as a whole."

The "local analyst" was later fired for his extreme views including the proposed "nuking" of the Belmore Family.

The 'There Are Too Many Mikes' Act originally called for anyone called "Mike <color last name>" to have their first name changed to 'Remington,' but the Alan Belmore 'problem' calls for a new approach.

"What we're doing," says Bureaucracy Director David Witkowski, "is rotating the first name around the names of 'Butch, Louis, Clem, Cletus and Jimbo. The last names; well, we're going with "Weiss" as the designated lastname."

More on this story as it comes; and it'll come fast.

A statement from the staff of the Columbia Times:

Due to immense rioting on the streets of Columbia, the newspaper office has been shut down for the day. Bedistanis take their football very seriously, and to many, a 1-0 loss to unranked New Montreal States at home is completely inexcusable. We hope to be able to continue World Cup qualifying coverage tomorrow.

[code:1:4c602db244]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Dennisov (14) 12 11 1 0 23 3 +20 34 QUA
Dark Outcasts (28) 12 7 3 2 16 5 +11 24 -8
Bedistan (4) 11 6 2 3 12 5 +7 20 -12
LordSquall (47) 12 6 1 4 16 8 +8 19
SterlingIce (61) 12 5 3 4 11 10 1 18
New Montreal States 12 4 0 8 8 12 -4 12
Kerla 11 2 2 7 6 16 -10 8
Oilermania 11 2 1 8 5 18 -9 7
Kamakaza 12 1 3 8 4 23 -19 6 ELI

Numbers shown (such as -8) in the Q/E column indicate the number of points needed for guaranteed qualification by the top 3 teams.[/code:1:4c602db244]
OOC: LordSquall has only played 11 games, therefore, Dennisov should be at -1, DO at -11, and Bedistan at -15.

Coach Gansler: I am hereby banning all Sliponian athletes to talk to the media after a loss. I am very upset the way this world cup is going. I am also requesting that Sliponian news sources don't make news out of our losses---they're becoming common place.

A statement from the staff of the Columbia Times:

Due to immense rioting on the streets of Columbia, the newspaper office has been shut down for the day. Bedistanis take their football very seriously, and to many, a 1-0 loss to unranked New Montreal States at home is completely inexcusable. We hope to be able to continue World Cup qualifying coverage tomorrow.

[code:1:7560ccf924]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Dennisov (14) 12 11 1 0 23 3 +20 34 -1
Dark Outcasts (28) 12 7 3 2 16 5 +11 24 -11
Bedistan (4) 11 6 2 3 12 5 +7 20 -15
LordSquall (47) 11 6 1 4 16 8 +8 19
SterlingIce (61) 12 5 3 4 11 10 1 18
New Montreal States 12 4 0 8 8 12 -4 12
Kerla 11 2 2 7 6 16 -10 8
Oilermania 11 2 1 8 5 18 -9 7
Kamakaza 12 1 3 8 4 23 -19 6 ELI

Numbers shown (such as -8) in the Q/E column indicate the number of points needed for guaranteed qualification by the top 3 teams.[/code:1:7560ccf924]
OOC: LordSquall has only played 11 games, therefore, Dennisov should be at -1, DO at -11, and Bedistan at -15.

Drat. That's what I get for trusting TBF's tables. :P

Brazillico Manager Spotted in Halfassedstates for Qualifier

Brazillico manager Esteban de Jesus, former midfield superstar for the Brazillican national side, was seen taking in the game featuring Halfassedstates and Morawny, with the home side winning the match 3-2. De Jesus was attentively watching the game, trying to get a feel for where his side stands amongst these established international squads.

Brazillico's team tryout camp got underway last week and the prognosis of many experts thusfar has not been good.

"Football has survived the last few years through Scorpion Soccer in Brazillico," said sports writer Marc Porto, "This team has great offensive creativity, but their stamin and defensive awareness is terrible. And don't get me started on the goaltending."

De Jesus, however, believes this team can make some noise on the international stage. "We've got a lot of talent and a lot of potential," says De Jesus, "If we put in the work, this team could surprise a few people come time for World Cup 11."

The twenty-eight footballers selected to this camp are now being subjected to an intense physical training program, placing a heavy emphasis upon cardiovascular conditioning and plyometrics, as well as being placed on a strict diet regimen. In response to their defensive woes, De Jesus convinced his ex-teammate Raphael Sorin to join the squad, a member of the champion World Cup 6 team.

The 5'4" Sorin was a critical part of Brazillico's tournament leading defense, who made up for his lack of size with his quickness and unparalleled defensive awareness. Although the now 40 year-old Sorin's quickness is not what it used to be, his defensive genius will be heavily counted upon to teach the younger players the defensive fundamentals.

"Sorin was a great defender and the revolution took him away from his prime on the international stage," said De Jesus, "I don't care if he's older and undersized, he'll still be one of the best defenders in qualifying."

As for Brazillico's goaltending woes, which can be attributed to the complete lack of a goaltending position in Scorpion Soccer, rumor has it that veteran of four World Cups, McMario, was contacted to become Brazillico's goaltending coach. Although De Jesus refused to confirm McMario's presence on the coaching staff, he likewise refused to acknowledge whether talks were being conducted between the two parties.

NEWSFLASH:

The once considered fallen nation of Brazillico has made an appearance again. Many remember Brazillico, the only World Cup winner who has won 2 World Cups in a row, after which it suffered a wierd and inexplicable disappearance. Now, the tables have turned, and Brazillico has emerged from the depths. We at Giant Zucchini wish them the best of luck as they try to reclaim their lost crown.

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikean Substitutes Gain Victory
Younger Players Earn 1-0 Win
by Markenin Markenel

ARIENI(NP) - When Jaskelainen Tenerethitel announced that he was starting ten of his eleven young practice squad in the match against Senoj, many felt he was crazy. While no one really felt threatened by Senoj, after a tough loss to Nastic on the previous matchday many felt that the Pandas manager would want his best team to try and regain some of those points to further solidify their place in the standings. Tenerethitel said that he wanted to give the young players a chance and also that he wanted to rest his starters for a tough series of matches coming up.

So, Aleksei Strekiov was the only usual starter to start for the Pandas last night in Arieni for the match with Senoj. He anchored the defenders well, and at the end of a rather dull first half, the score was still tied 0-0, but the youngsters (the oldest player besides Strekiov was Ekserin Pilseniuene, who was 24) looked like they could hold their own in international competition.

The second half had a bit more life to it, as it was the junior team which began to press the visitors. Jeserin Jeresiuene put a fabulous shot just past the far post, and Midorin Torendel put one off the bar.

The deadlock was broken in the 59th minute, when Ichiro Kitase, the Nikean-born son of the wealthy Japanese company tycoon Takeshi Kitase, who moved his company headquarters to Nikea, sent a cannon from 20 yards out that left no chance for the diving Senoj keeper. The juniors then let Darinen Feretel, whose comment was misinterpreted by SPARTEN airport personnel a mere two weeks ago and caused a delay in that match, work his magic, and even young Panda Magic came through for Nikea, as Feretel had a clean sheet at only 19 years of age.

Nikea retook second place from Nastic on goals for, as Nastic drew 0-0 today with Irreliventsdom. Oglethorpia smashed Haraki 3-0 and SPARTEN defeated Grigala 1-0. Nikea next travels to Irreliventsdom before the big match with Oglethorpia in Queldas, which has been sold out for a solid month. On a related topic, a large shipment of paper, that looks like some sort of tax return form, arrived from Oglethorpia yesterday. FA officials are puzzled as to the reason for these forms, and otherwise astonished that the Oglethorpians were able to create something so organized despite their sub-par intelligence.

[code:1:cafa881cd1]
Nikea 1 (Kitase 59)
v.
Senoj 0
[/code:1:cafa881cd1]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Group 5 statistics released
The Association of Futebol releases group 5 statistics document.

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Group 5 Statistics Document 12-4034A and 12-4034B -- straight from the horse's mouth.

First off, group five shakes down like this.

[code:1:95ffc02e5d]

Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Oglethorpia (5) 11 10 0 1 31 6 +25 30
Nikea (31) 11 8 1 2 16 9 +7 25
NASTIC 2 (60) 12 7 4 1 15 8 +7 25
Rejistania (38) 11 5 3 3 19 17 +2 18
Haraki (15) 12 5 2 5 16 12 +4 17
SPARTEN 12 4 0 9 6 15 -9 12 E
Senoj 12 3 2 7 6 16 -10 11 E
Irrevilentsdom 11 2 3 6 5 16 -11 9 E
Grigala 11 1 1 9 5 17 -12 4 E
[/code:1:95ffc02e5d]

The aforementioned tables have been released by the Belmore Family; and as such, all errors are to be blamed on the respective football agency originating from the Belmore Family.

Trusting these tables, both Nikea and NASTIC 2 are out of first place by five points; and with 7/6 matchdays left for both sides respectively, the first place position is truly anybody's game. The Wonderteam's next matches are vs. 3rd place side NASTIC 2 and 2nd place side Nikea; both tough games that could put any one of the three sides into position to seize first.

While Oglethorpia doesn't stand in any position that puts it in danger of not qualifying, group 5 does look to be quite exciting come the last few matchdays.

The Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery insists that RejisMINSS retract this statement. It is a State Secret of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 that a winning record can be "coaxed" along by adding "38" to the front of all Hooligan results.

It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening now.

To retract a statement simply means to draw more attention to the fact, there is no way to get the tooth paste back into the tube. Also note, that your State Secret was also known to NASTIC 2 before the RejisMINSS statement was released, so you can not call it a secret anymore.

--RejisMINSS (Give us accurate data - we'll mess it up)
You must remember the Motto of the Ministry of Super Secret Sleuthery:

It never happened. It will never happen. It isn't happening now.

(ooc: just role play, i don't really expect a retraction.)
OOC: :arrow: RP thread. SCNR
IC:
The RejisMINSS releases the following statement:
We retract the statement that: The name 'Snub Nose 38' is one of the most confusing names in the World Cup and intends to confuse opponents and neutrals.
--RejisMINSS (incompetence finally found a place to stay)

In other news, Ariddia's united team drew nil all with Evisceratomatoes. Forward player Aurélien Clair had the following to say:

"We fumbled! We didn't know what we were doing. Have you ever tried playing against gient explosive vegetables? It's very unnerving. Kick a ball and you're afraid it's going to go right through one of them. You try playing a game where you're worried you might kick a hole through the goalkeeper! It's not fair play, I tell you! Still, Tiff got her own back. [Player Tiffany Edge]. I caught her take a discrete bite out of a tomato that that tackled her... Maybe for the next game we should strap explosives round ourselves, and hope our oponents keep out of our way! D'you think that'd be against the rules?"

Team Avenges Loss to Commerce Heights, Win 1-0
Liverpool England 1 Paul Dussis 78th
Commerce Heights 0

A day after Paul Dussis' red card in the previous match was overturned, he scored the winning goal in a crucial match 12 minutes from time. Dussis was almost sent off in this match too, some sly talk managed to save him.

Liverpool England retake the lead at the top of Group 9.
[code:1:30e204bf7e]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Liverpool England (2) 13 9 2 2 25 9 +16 29
Commerce Heights (23) 13 9 1 3 21 10 +11 28
Halfassedstates (19) 13 8 3 2 23 13 +10 27
Akbarland (51) 13 6 5 2 18 14 +4 23
Morawny (59) 12 5 2 5 18 12 +6 17
Kravoli (81) 12 3 4 5 11 15 -4 13 Eli
Pavesia 12 3 1 8 9 19 -10 10 Eli
EL CID THE HERO 12 1 3 8 5 19 -14 6 Eli
The Arrivian Alliance 12 0 3 9 8 27 -19 3 Eli

[/code:1:30e204bf7e]

Three Strikes and You're Through

Dennisov officially qualified and won the group in the process. In what has been an impressive qualification series, Mario Lemieux managed to keep his opponents from scoring, relying on the dangerous counter attacks to clinch games.

Game 13
Dennisov - New Montreal States 3-0

3rd minute: Goulet 1-0
16th minute: Goulet 2-0
44th minute: Goulet 3-0

Manager Mario Lemieux had made some slight changes to the style of play, although still relying on the defenders and goal keeper Gerry Cheevers, he allowed the two central midfielders more freedom to roam the field, their zones defended by the two wingers and instructing the two backs, Francis Clancy and Wildor Laroche to fill the gaps that appeared in front of them.

The sudden change took the young New Montreal States' university team by surprise. Unable to deal with being greatly outnumbered in midfield, both Gillies and Conacher could do what the pleased.

The very first attack resulted in a goal. A shot by Conacher was blocked by Goulet, the shot put the New Montreal States' at a disadvantage, enough to allow Goulet an easy goal.

Within a quarter of an hour the game was practically over when Goulet scored his and Dennisov's second, heading home a Joliat taken corner.
Just before half time, Goulet once again scored to celebrate his first ever hat-trick.

The second half saw New Montreal States better prepared for the tactical variant. The young squad concentrated their efforts on midfield, taking away the edge Dennisov had experienced in the first 45 minutes of play.

Cheevers only had to stop a single New Montreal States' shot, keeping his goal clean for the 10th time.

"We all knew this team should be able to make it to the WorldCup, but I'm impressed with the way we did it," an elated Lemieux said after the game.
"We played incredibly well on defence and Gerry (Cheevers) has been nothing but magnificent for us. I am off to play some golf now, cya."

The remaining three games are:
Away at Kerla
Home to Bedistan
Away at SterlingIce

During the game against Bedistan there will be a ceremony held to commemorate former Dennisov manager Roger Neilson.

Charity Game Announced

The period after the home game against Bedistan, when Dennisov does not play, a special charity game will be played.
The current national team will play the squad that won the NSWorldCup IV title. All the money that is raised during that game will go to children in need.

The two teams:
Dennisov WC IV
Tretchak
McCabe
Leetch
Morris
Chelios
Trottier
Bossy
Lemieux
Orr
Gretzky
Dionne
Coached by: Potvin

Dennisov X
Cheevers
Clancy
Provonost
Laviolette
Leduc
Laroche
Joliat
Gillies
Conacher
Lesieur
Goulet
Coached by: Delvecchio

The event will be broadcasted live throughout Dennisov during a 24-hour marathon fund raiser for Children Everywhere.

Weegies Star Sport Report.

The Weegies continue to perform well in Group 1, staying 2nd just behind Snub Nose 38, thanks to another win against Arridia, but despite a loss against the Evisceratomatoes.

In the Arridia match, the Weegies seemed extremely confident, with home advantage and a win against Arridia before, they played attractive attacking football, with them testing the Arridian goalkeeper and defence to his fullest ability in the first ten minutes. A quick pass from De Bruis gave Mahé the best chance at goal, the goalkeeper just edging it past the post. With the corner conceded, Kincaid whipped it in, with the Arridian again having to pull of a marvellous save to stop a McDuff volley.

The deadlock was finally broken after 34 minutes, with a pass from Hussain leading to Smith nutmegging an Arridian defender, passing another, entering the box, where he played the ball straight to Rapier who fired it past the keeper to give the Weegies the lead, and Rapier his first international goal.

The Arridians tried to attack dangerously after the goal was conceded, but the twin talents of Mardot and Rapier negating the Arridian attack, although a 40-yard screamer from the Arridian attack nearly caught keeper Stuart unawares, tipping it over the crossbar.

The game became a midfield battle in the second half, the two teams fighting for dominance, rarely getting on-target shots in, and each pushing hard to achieve a good position in which to attack further. It stayed that way until the 78th minute, when Kincaid, sensing an opening, played the ball to an unmarked McDuff. McDuff raced into the box blasting the ball at the goal, which cannoned back off the crossbar to the feet of Smith who knocked it straight into the back of the net. 2-0 to the Weegies, and their place as a world team seemed cemented.

Another poor performance against the Evisceratomatoes claimed some of that reputation away, though. The red and squishy ones fired a shot past Stuart in injury time to give them the three points.

"We couldn't help it." claimed Lemar Hussein, now in his 4th World Cup. "They slip past us, and with the amount of tomato strewn about the field, by the end of the game you can barely stand. We were slipping all over the place. Well, at least I can make a decent sauce tonight."

The RejisMINSS releases the following statement:
We retract the statement that: The name 'Snub Nose 38' is one of the most confusing names in the World Cup and intends to confuse opponents and neutrals.
--RejisMINSS (incompetence finally found a place to stay)

*"ah!" thinks the minister of super secret sleuthery, "the plan is working!"* :wink:

'Game of the Day' theme fades,

GL: Hello, I'm Gary Luniker and this is your lucky Matchday 13 round-up of the WC qualifiers. With me to-day is a throughly detoxed Alun Hansun.

AH: huh - whats going on?

GL: Good quesation Alun - after a disappointing start to the campaign, Halfassed road boots kicked them back into the qualifing picture.

AH: huh?

GL: Against The Arrivan Allaince, each of the starting strikers got a goal. Crewgar claiming his 6th in just 7 games since his return. Milton then added a second for Halfassed, before Gunnett finally joined the Halfassed hall of fame with his second of the campaign and 10th in Halfassed colours!

AH: Yeeaaa! ... Huh?

GL: The next game against Morowny was Halfassed 1st at home since the 2-2 draw with Kravoli on matchday 5. Dispite Halfassed great run of form, their home record was abysmal before that match (P4 W0 D2 L2) and a large Morowny support along with quite a few neutrals helped fill the Commonwealth Stadium to its 78,000 capacity.

AH: Oooooohhh

GL: Quite a few scouts from various FIFA nations attended the game, perhaps most notably, the former Brazillico great Esteban de Jesus, who has recently been appointed manager of the great national side as they attempt to make a comeback after years of civil war.

AH: Gooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll Brrrrrraaaaaaazzzzzzzzzziiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccccooooooo!!!

*Gary starts frantically waving at someone off camera*
*The screen fades to show Esteban de Jesus at the match, then shows a couple of clips of the inspirational Brazillico side winning in WC6*
*We return to the studio to find Gary by himself*

GL: It was believed that the great player was attending the game to discover what the standard of international football was like nowadays.
He chose an excellent game to attend. Both sides attcked from the start, in typical old Brazillico style.

*cuts to highlights of the game - Morowny score first, before Milton scores twice to put Halfassed ahead. Morowny equalise with 25 minutes left, but Milton completes his hat-trick with just 4 minutes left to win the game*

GL: The game provided a memorable moment for James Milton. His hat-trick not only gave Halfassed the win, but also moved him level with Nea Hope on the Halfassed All-time scoring charts with 22 goals.

*Cuts to an interview with Milton, "Obviously it is a great honour for me, I just hope to be able to continue banging them in for the side. If I can reach Wallace's total it would be a great achievment for me, but who knows what will happen!"*

GL: To-days game saw Halfassed travel to Kravoli, hoping to complete an amazing 8 out of 8 sequence on the road. An early strike by the Kravoli Captain rocked the Halfassed side, and it took until the hour mark before they could muster up an equaliser, Soaps free-kick hitting the post and Gunnett bundling the rebound into the net. Despite a few more chances that was how it finished.

*Cuts to highlights of the match - a thundering strike from the Kravoli captain, and the lucky Halfassed reply. A couple of other chances and a couple of bookings for both sides*

GL: With LE defeating CH in the top 2 clash, Halfassed missed out on the chance to move up a place, but are still in the third qualifying spot only 1pt behind CH and 2 behind LE at the top of the group. With just three games left for the top four sides, Halfassed need two wins to secure qualification, but with all 3 games at home, who knows how thing'll go!! Good night folks!

From inside the cabin of the national team's jet following match day 14

Coach Berkett: Well, that was a good game group. The only thing that can keep us out of this cup is losing every match from now on. So let's all get some rest and play our best tomorrow, because the match is against Warnocks Wizards, and they are the only team in a position to out us.

L.Moz: Coach, if we win tomorrow, or even tie, then can we party?

Coach Berkett: Hell yes.

A Press Release from the RMIIWFUEINED
Runaway Moose Institution of Information We Find Useful Even If Nobody Else Does

Team/Current Point Total/Highest Possible

RM/29/44
EB/28/43
TnUI/22/34
LD/18/30
WW/17/32


Game day 15 matches involving the teams which could still qualify:

EB v. TnUI
LD v. Koe
RM v. WW

IF EB wins...

...everyone still has a chance of qualifying.

IF TnUI wins...

...LD only has a chance if they win also.

IF WW wins...

...They maintain a strong chance to qualify.

...Runaway Moose will be very sad.

IF RM wins...

...Yay! Party in Runaway Moose!!!




Thank you.

OOC: Very angry now...forum deleted my post twice in a row...must remember to copy text into Notepad...

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street records famous victory
Qualification chances slim, but still theoretical

At least 70 % of Cockbill Street's population of 199 million were seen dancing in the streets today, celebrating the victory over Ariddia. 150,000 had turned up at the Vimesbairn National stadium, of which manager Ironfoundersson and his eleven adepts was the only ones who believed in a victory, and a further 400,000 crowded outside to hear the groans and jeers of the lucky fans who had got in. The remaining 198,450,000 were all looking at their local clacks towers, who had been ordered by Commander Sir Samuel Vimes to flash up "live" commentary from the match.

Cockbill Street's goal came in the 32nd minute, when some flashy passing play between Harald Axewielder and Thomas Lehrer resulted in Axewielder coming free on the right wing. He slashed into the box and unleashed a thunderous shot, impossible for poor David al-Jibai to save. 1-0 for Cockbill Street.

Ten minutes later, Ariddia had a huge chance when Tiffany Edge put a header down in the left corner of the net, but Jorn Axewielder cleared it off the line for a corner kick, out of which nothing came. And neither did it come of their futile attempts to score in the second half. They put the pressure on, but some tactical genius from manager Ironfoundersson saved the day. He pulled Thomas Lehrer, who was clearly fatigued, off the pitch even though he had a great day, and replaced him with defender Peter Eversham to change to a 4-3-3 formation. The tactical change worked splendidly, and Ariddia had only one half-chance for the rest of the game. Cockbill Street win 1-0 and the nation could celebrate, despite the disappointing 0-0 performance against Larkinia in the round before that.

Commiserations also to New Montreal States, who lost 3-0 at Dennisov and are therefore out of World Cup 10. Despite their fantastic 1-0 victory over 4th-ranked Bedistan, that just wasn't enough.

C-mail ratings for Larkinia game: J Axewielder 4 - Harmison 6 (off 66 Eversham), Carboniferous 3, Golddevourer 4 - Calcite 4 (off 49 H Axewielder 5), Olsen 5, Lehrer 6, Petisha 5 - Tungsten-carbide 3, Quier 3 (off 46 Brashear 4), Beaver 4.

Final score:

Cockbill Street 0
Larkinia 0

C-mail ratings for Ariddia game: J Axewielder 7 - Harmison 6, Carboniferous 6, Golddevourer 7 - Calcite 6 (off 90+2 Petisha) Olsen 7, Lehrer 7 (off 59 Eversham 6), H Axewielder 8 - Tungsten-carbide 8, Quier 7, Beaver 7 (off 90+2 Brashear).

Final score:

Cockbill Street 1 (H Axewielder 32)
Ariddia 0.

Cockbill Street's remaining games: The Weegies, Snub Nose 38, East Spaam, A nation.

Ariddia's remaining games: A nation, bye, Sensual Products, Larkinia.

Cockbill Street have a minute chance of qualifying, but it requires Ariddia to lose three points from their last three games, while Cockbill Street have to take at least seven points more than them from their four. In theory, we could do it with six, but our goal difference is clearly inferior.

TIMWAY SIDE COLLAPSES AFTER EARTHQUAKE

Since the earthquake four days ago, the Timway side has seemed unenthused, perhaps worried about the rescue efforts that are still going on to find survivors under building rubble in downtown Timopolis. The side has lost three straight and has fallen from their perch on the top of Group 4 to fifth place, two points behind the 3rd place team. Luckily, Timway is the only team in the top five that has already had their bye. If Timway can defeat Gesamtkuntswerk tomorrow, qualification should be all but assured, since the Tigers face unranked nations in each of the final three matches.

snippet torn from the sports pages of todays scuttlebutt

Scuttlebutt
Hooligans Need One More Point!
Sten Remington Grey

[code:1:7062193f06]# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 13 10 1 2 23 7 16 31 40 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 12 9 1 2 18 8 10 28 40 roster
3 Arridia (20) 13 8 1 4 23 12 11 25 34 roster
8*Cockbill Street 12 6 1 5 10 9 1 19 31 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 13 5 1 7 14 17 -3 16 25
7*Evisceratomatoes (74)12 4 3 5 10 13 -3 15 27
5 A nation 12 3 2 7 6 13 -7 11 23 elim
2 Larkinia 13 1 5 7 5 19-14 8 17 elim
6 Sensual Products (63)12 2 1 9 10 21-11 7 19 elim

*Evisceratomatoes forfeit matchday 10, 3 “goals for” awarded to Cockbill Street

elim = mathematically eliminated from advancing to WCX tournament

Max Poss Pts = maximum points side can attain if it wins all it’s remaining matches (4 for The Weegies, Cockbill Steet, A nation, Evisceratomatoes and Sensual Products, 3 for all other sides)

- One of “The Weegies” or “Snub Nose 38” mathematically must advance

roster = published a team roster
[/code:1:7062193f06]
(ooc: gotta work. will rp something later)

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues increase chance for qualification
The end of the qualification comes near and this also changes the mood in the Orange-Blue team. Co-coach Hangila'he describes this as follows: "The time of simply trying to play a great game is over. Now comes the time of calculating, waiting for the results and watching carefully how others did." The change in the mood was also reflected by the match against Grigala in SLS-Promotion. The Orange-Blues played more offensive than most of the time. The traditional 4-4-2 system (the so-called 'system Imdila') was replaced by a 4-3-3, Linkosa being the third forward. this system showed its effectiveness: Rejistania beat Grigala 2-0.

Grigala seemed to be unprepared for the change of tactics. The defense didn't look good as Su'he had his first chance in the 2nd minute. Unfortunatly, the grigalian keeper Heron Teran reacted fast and prevented the early lead. In the 8th minute, a corner shot by Sines'he, reached SyLy, who archieved the lead by a header. Grigala reacted by attacking themselfes, but the attacks ended in the Orange-Blue defense. In the 30th minute, the Orange-Blues doubled the lead. This time, it was Xeseja Su, who shot the goal. Heron Teran didn't have a chance. The Orange-Blues were leading 2-0. Grigala seemed to have lost it's confidence. They only played to prevent further damage. The half-time result was 2-0.

The second half started like the first has ended: The Orange-Blues tried to break through the grigalian defense. In the 67th minute, Linkosa'he archieved a goal, but it wasn't counted because of a very controversal offside-decision of the referree. The Grigalians didn't attack once in the entire second half. The iron curtain wasn't breached after the Linkosa goal. The game ended 2-0.

NASTIC 2 draw against Oglethorpia in another match in group 5. This makes the distance to the third place only 5 points for the Orange-Blues.

The result:
Rejistania 2 (Lyku 8th, Su 30th)
Grigala 0

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 11
Su: 6
Linkosa: 2
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1

http://members.lycos.co.uk/mayorefficiency/chclogo.gif
Liverpool England Defeats Bulldogs, Takes Top Of Group By One Point
LIVERPOOL ENGLAND - As the great Sir Fig Newton once said, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." That statement came true today on the football field against the Bulldogs' strongest opponents in the group, Liverpool England. The Liverpudlians countered their eariler 1-0 defeat at Maxisoft Stadium with a 1-0 win today against the same opponent. The match remained scoreless for the first half and most of the second, but a 78th-minute goal by Dussis put the only point on the board.
(23) Commerce Heights 0
(02) Liverpool England 1 (Dussis 78] - FT
The Bulldogs, with only 3 games left, still need 5 points for qualification. With their third loss, talks of firing head coach Cliff Broquard have heated up again. The group now stands as follows:
[code:1:2829f00a68]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Liverpool England (2) 13 9 2 2 25 9 +16 29 -4
Commerce Heights (23) 13 9 1 3 21 10 +11 28 -5
Halfassedstates (19) 13 8 3 2 23 13 +10 27 -6
Akbarland (51) 13 6 5 2 18 14 +4 23
Morawny (58) 12 5 2 5 18 12 +6 17
Kravoli (81) 12 3 4 5 11 15 -4 13 ELM
Pavesia 12 3 1 8 9 19 -10 10 ELM
EL CID THE HERO 12 1 3 8 5 19 -14 6 ELM
The Arrivian Alliance 12 0 3 9 8 27 -19 3 ELM[/code:1:2829f00a68]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli – W 2-1
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny – W 1-0
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates – L 1-2
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland – L 0-2
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-2
Day 14: at #2 Liverpool England – L 0-1
Day 15: BYE (vs NSL #2 Kitsilano*)
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
*The game against Kitsilano is to be played at Quantum Arts Stadium in Kitsilano.
Statistics - Team
[code:1:2829f00a68] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 53 10 13 17 13
Wins 28 3 6 10 9
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 16 4 3 6 3
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.6 62.6 81.7 69.3 79.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 1.6 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.2 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.8 gpg
Goal Differential +19 -3 +5 +6 +11
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:2829f00a68]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:2829f00a68]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 13 6 0.46
C. Deppiesse 13 5 0.38
J. Cahalane 13 4 0.31
K. Decker 13 3 0.23
F. Wallace 13 2 0.15
K. DeGraffenreid 13 1 0.08

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 13 10 0.77

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 53 26 0.49
C. Deppiesse..** 30 10 0.33
J. Cahalane**** 52 14 0.27
K. Decker**** 53 14 0.26
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
M. McCormick.^^^ 10 2 0.20
F. Wallace^^** 31 6 0.19
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
K. DeGraffenreid...* 13 1 0.08
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 52 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 46 54 1.17
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:2829f00a68]

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Substitutes Do It Again
Up and Comers Earn 3-0 Win
by Markenin Markenel

IRRELIVENTSDOM(NP) - Nikean manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel decided to stick with the 10 young Pandas for the match before the big one in Queldas. This time they were on the road, and none of the players' parents were around to watch their match, cheer them on, and then take them to a local fast food restaurant for a treat for playing so well like last match. The youngsters looked a lot less nervous for today's match in Irreliventsdom, although it was rumoured that Tenerethitel promised each player 10 quarters each for the arcade in the hotel should they win.

Aleksei Strekiov sat out this one after marshalling the defence in the last match, this time in favour of Lorinen Jaskertel, who played in the middle back position. The extra motivation of the promised arcade money sent the young players out in a frenzy. 16 year old Jeserin Jeresiuene, in his sports goggles as his mother insisted that he not wear his real glasses during the matches, came out on fire, stealing the ball from every inept guard that tried to move the ball anywhere past the centre line. He finally calmed down just a bit when Tenerethitel yelled at him from the sidelines that he was a forward, not a bloody jumping bean.

This encouragement seemed to pay off. Ichirou Kitase looked to slip some money to an inept guard, and then took the ball unopposed to the net. His shot deflected off the keeper and hit Jeresiuene flush in the face, who was in position for the first time all match. The ball went into the net, and a bloody Jeresiuene was screaming. It is unknown whether he was screaming because he had scored his first international goal, or because he had a bleeding nose. Regardless, he had to be subbed off, and replaced by Aresin Arkenitel, who was only 15 and hadn't even been sitting on the bench until today's match. There were no other goals in the first half.

The second half started out quite well for the substitutes. Ekserin Pilseniuene, who was 24, and Lorinen Jaskertel, who is 26, looked horribly embarrassed by their teammates, but still were in the game enough to make a fantastic double tackle on an inept guard who had managed to break through the Panda midfield, who were having an argument over Pokemon cards. The ball was cleared up, and 17 year old Midorin Torendel had no trouble getting a clear run at the goal, as several inept guards had joined the Nikean midfield in their Pokemon card discussion. He put his shot past the inept goalkeeper, who didn't look like he was paying any attention at all.

The final exclamation point was put on the match by Kanaserin Keseteretel, the 18 year old phenom from SF Miserias. An amazing display of skill saw him get past 6 inept guards and put one into the empty net. By this time, the inept goalkeeper was in the third row hitting on a 50 year old mother of three. After this, the official simply ended the match, as it appeared nothing further was going to happen.

Tenerethitel was slightly pleased. "All of these young kids have only been signed to development contracts by Nikean clubs, but they still managed a 3-0 win in international competition, despite this debacle displayed by Irreliventsdom. The kids earned their arcade money today. And Darinen Feretel still hasn't let in a goal yet in his international career, despite facing absolutely no shots today."

As the teams left the field, a bandaged up Jeresiuene told this reporter that he was very excited to play 'Ninja Moms 2'. "Man, that game has everything. It's like they're moms during the day, and then they go out and be all ninja-like at night. I saw it in the arcade and I called dibs on it in halftime when everyone else was eating their orange slices, so no one could stop me."

When asked about his first ever international goal, the young star was modest. "I scored?"

For the next match, Tenerethitel has promised the usual starters, as it is an important match with Oglethorpia. With a win, Nikea can tie the Wonderteam on points, although catching their astronomical goal differential is pretty much out of the question. Rejistania kept their hopes alive with a 2-0 win over lowly Grigala, and Haraki also won. Nastic drew with the aforementioned Wonderteam, leaving them 2 points back of the Pandas.

A further development in regards to the forms: "They have to be a practical joke from a Nikean prankster," FA spokeswoman Kerinrë Limentel said. "It's widely known that Oglethorpians don't have the intelligence to read or write properly, and these, despite some grammatical and spelling errors that even I could find, and I'm not that good at English, they are moderately coherent, and therefore, are probably fakes."

[code:1:2ea57c282c]
Irreliventsdom 0
v.
Nikea 3 (Jeresiuene 23, Torendel 57, Keseteretel 72)
[/code:1:2ea57c282c]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea W 2-1

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea W 2-1
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias L 1-2
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni W 1-0
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea W 3-0
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

From the Kangaroo:

LAST-GASP REVIVAL KEEPS PROGRESSANS ON TOP

Two goals in the last eight minutes in Eauz saved the Progressan football stars from losing their top spot in Group 6, as they somehow scrambled a 2-2 draw.

Almost inevitably, the orchestrator of the revival was super-sub Fayu Owa, who came on soon after <player> scored the second Eauz goal on 64 minutes from a bullet header. He had already opened the scoring early in the second half, pouncing on a bouncing loose ball on the edge of the penalty area to deliver a powerful half-volley that left Eaka Palera no chance.

Owa's introduction, replacing Fek Inhea, transformed the game. His bodyswerves, step-overs and general trickery opened up the Eauz defence and it was a step-over and sprint combination that defeated two defenders on 83 minutes that opened up space for a pass to Ekazen Waulino, who took the credit for much the easier part of the move, that being a virtual tap in past the stranded goalkeeper.

Eauz absorbed the pressure over the last few minutes - the team that had dominated this match suddenly being dominated themselves - but were stunned in the first minute of injury time when Owa's 360-spin past a defender was suddenly interrupted by a back-heel to Faiwe Irafma, who had the space and time to thump home from 25 yards. Irafma's knack of scoring when it matters most - he sent the Progressans to World Cup 9 and Quarua Lakeside to the league title with injury-time goals - had saved his side again.

The Progressans now have a bye, in which plenty of experimentation will be done to prevent a hairy match like this again.

SNN News At Nine

Tim: ....with Evisceramato sauce being the biggest seller in
supermarkets. Now over to Kati with her report from USFA
headquarters.

Kati: Thanks Tim. Last night's win by the Spammanian National
team against Social Cleavage has caused an uproar here among
USFA ranks. I'm here with one of the USFA council members Aninda
Parti. Aninda, what is going on?

Aninda: Well Kati, this level of success by the national team in
unexcusable. They have now won 6 games in a row, which is the
best ever performance by a Spaamanian team. For a team which is
not that great to have been this good is a travesty in United
Spaamanian football.

Kati: And why is that?

Aninda: Firstly, it gives the fans, the hundreds of millions of them,
false hope. We are not going to qualify for the World Cup. It is
simple as that. The return from our Evisceramato Sauce factory
hasn't even finished paying itself off, let alone is enough to merely
send our team over there.

Kati: Why else?

Aninda: Well, secondly, this is beginning to sound like bribery. We
are mostly of the opinion that the only way we could be winning
matches, is that someone is bribing the referees and/or the
opposing teams. This cannot go on, and so we are launching a full
investigation into these allegations.

Kati: In the meantime, what can we do to stop this disgusting
display of success?

Aninda: We will be talking to the organisers of the qualifiers, tell
them to try and make sure we lose, or at least draw. Make sure
that the referees are not bribed, and if necessary, pay them to
make sure that our team does not win. We will be taking all
matches off the television, to try and dissuade interest in football,
and so try and prevent the mass disappointment when we don't
qualify.

Kati: Thankyou Aninda. Well, you heard it here. Scandal with the
Spaamanian National football team. Let us all hope we lose our
next match.

Tim: Thanks Kati. Yes, we can but hope. In other news....

Didn't realise I posted this before I had to d/c :D

Jaurania RP now, from the Fellaix Times:

ANTI-WAR PROTESTS SEND FELLAIX TO STANDSTILL

Over 30,000 people marched through the streets of Fellaix yesterday to protest against the planned military strikes on Lanky dude.

Banners marked 'It's Only A Game' and 'No Football War, No Government Own-Goal' filled Jaurania Freedom Square as protestors blamed the war on the football matches between the two nations. The first violent encounter, in which Lanky dude won 2-0 courtesy of two late goals caused in no small part by home fans throwing projectiles at goalkeeper Ritez Futin.

When the teams met in the Free Fellaix Arena, away fans were banned and a no-fly zone was created around Fellaix, but a suspected member of the Lanky Freedom fighters fired surface-to-air missile at the ground late in the game, at which point Jaurania led 1-0 through a May Capon goal. The missile landed just outside the Jauranian penalty area, and a Lanky dude striker who had the ball was knocked backwards. A free-kick was awarded to Lanky dude, and the centre-back <player>, who escaped the blast, scored from it owing to the eyesight damage caused to Futin. The match was suspended with 10 minutes to play and the 1-1 score was controversially allowed to stand, causing riots in the stadium.

Jaurania manager Turjazi Matirli, hit by shrapnel from the blast, was sent to hospital and is believed to have sustained significant injury. Drinl Runizek is deputising for the remainder of the qualifying campaign, although the Jauranians can no longer make the World Cup finals.

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Barber to Keep Job
Win over Oilermania means DSG allows him to remain manager...for now

OILERMANIA -- After last week's 0-1 loss to New Montreal States at James Parker National Stadium, Secretary of Sports and Games James Parker himself contacted Lions manager Gene Barber to tell him in no uncertain terms that anything other than a win over Oilermania would put his job in jeopardy.

Luckily, Barber can breathe -- for the moment.

Oilermania scored first in today's match, dextrously putting the ball behind Chuck Mitchell for only the sixth time since the start of qualifiers. The whole Bedistani team began to sweat, but they calmed down somewhat when Darren Morlock scored the visitors' first goal just before halftime.

Right after halftime, forward Javier Lewey would join in the fun, successfully putting in a corner from Claire Briscoe. Oilermania nearly managed to equalize, but Mitchell's diving save in the 80th kept the Lions on top.

The team will now return home to face LordSquall. LordSquall and SterlingIce drew on matchday 14, giving the Lions a little more breathing room in third place and putting them three points ahead of LordSquall. Bedistan currently needs three wins and a draw to ensure qualification, while Dark Outcasts need two wins.

---------------------

Final score:
Oilermania 1
Bedistan 2 (Morlock 42, Lewey 49)

Thomas Award points:
Morlock 2, Briscoe 1, Lewey 2, Marley 1, Mitchell 1, Kucharski 2, Sanchez 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
D. Morlock - 14
C. Mitchell - 13
C. Briscoe - 9

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

[code:1:14bc92799a]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Dennisov (14) 13 12 1 0 26 3 +23 37 Qlf
Dark Outcasts (28) 13 8 3 2 18 6 +12 27 -6
Bedistan (4) 12 7 2 3 14 6 +8 23 -10
LordSquall (47) 12 6 2 4 17 9 +8 20
SterlingIce (61) 13 5 4 4 12 11 +1 19
New Montreal States 13 4 0 9 8 15 -7 12 Eli
Kerla 12 2 2 8 7 18 -11 8 Eli
Oilermania 12 2 1 9 6 20 -17 7 Eli
Kamakaza 12 1 3 8 4 23 -19 6 Eli[/code:1:14bc92799a]

Bedistan Gambling Service Update

The BGS's prediction for the final Group 7 table:

[code:1:0ebd78eaf3]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E Last4
Dennisov (14) 16 14 2 0 -- -- --- 44 Qlf 2-1-0
Dark Outcasts (28) 16 9 5 2 -- -- --- 32 Qlf 1-2-0
Bedistan (4) 16 9 4 3 -- -- --- 31 Qlf 2-2-0
LordSquall (47) 16 8 3 5 -- -- --- 27 Eli 2-1-1
SterlingIce (61) 16 7 4 5 -- -- --- 25 Eli 2-0-1
New Montreal States 16 4 2 10 -- -- --- 14 Eli 0-2-1
Oilermania 16 2 4 10 -- -- --- 10 Eli 0-3-1
Kerla 16 2 3 11 -- -- --- 9 Eli 0-1-3
Kamakaza 16 1 5 10 -- -- --- 8 Eli 0-2-2[/code:1:0ebd78eaf3]

(The "Last4" column indicates the team's predicted record for the final four matchdays -- which consist of only three matches for some teams.)

Ugly, ugly first half dooms Paladins

Midfield collapse leads to hat trick for Goulet

Freshman goaltender Antoine Belanger has been subjected to loads of criticism for letting in 3 goals in the first half of our most recent defeat. These critics ignore the fact that the 4-4-2 setup practically gave away the midfield to Dennisov and let them set up the shots on goal. The coach of the game, Paul Thibault, deserves much criticism for his midhandling of the midfield.

A switch to a 3-5-2 setup for the second half gave new life to the Paladins, but too late. Dennisov played stifling defense, giving away only one good chance to Benny Dawson, a spectacular foward from Ville Marie High. Dawson's shot was batted away by a superb play by Dennisov's goaltender.

The loss mathematically confirmed what has been obvious for weeks now: the Paladins will not be going on to the round of 32. In addition, Dennisov has locked the first spot up in our draw, and looks to have good momentum going for it as it enters the round of 32.

Other soccer news

Cockbill Street stayed alive with a win last night. They are still outside contenders, but an advance is very unlikely. Bedistan rebounded from the upset victory we put on them, giving themselves a cushion in the 3rd place spot as LordSquall and SterlingIce played to a draw, damaging both sides chances of advancing. Oglethorpia joined Dennisov in the ranks of the advanced.

Mackintyre Ousted!

Controvertial manager James Mackintyre has been removed from his position as the Weegie manager - but not for the reasons that fans might expect.

James Mackintyre is well known throughout the land as a very flamboyant and interesting footballing persona since his days as a player for the Buchanan Haggises. However, his managerial career, both with Mackintosh Thistle Celtic and the national team has been racked with disappointing results, inexplicable team changes, and odd behaviour, specifically the insults levied last World Cup at the Kingsford team which got him a three match touchline ban. He also has never endeared himself with the fans, who preferred original World Cup 7 gaffer James Mackenzie, (now sadly deceased). The fans seem to view Mackintyre as a "journeyman" manager, that the players would perform exactly the same without him as they of under him, and that he doesn't inspire confidence in the side.

But none of this is why Mackintyre has been ousted.

It all started in World Cup IX, with strange discrepancies in the gate receipts of the international matches. The gate numbers didn't match with the receipts received by the WFA. Suspicious, the WFA enlisted the help of the Weegie Law Enforcement Authority to monitor the finances and their transfer.

It turns out that all trails led back to Mackintyre. Fallen on hard times, with various gambling debts through the various famous international betting authorities, especially the Belmorian bookmakers, to whom he owed a sum of 670 million muckles (around $670,000), Mackintyre had taken to skimming the gate receipts, and had been doing so since he'd been in charge of the team. He'd got greedy recently, though, and the increasng deficit was what alerted the WFA and the WLEA.

Mr Mackintyre has had his job contract recinded, and the WLEA has arrested him for fraud. Other nations are interested in convicting him for non-payment of debts.

"Concerning Mr. Mackintyre, the WFA no longer have anything to do with him, and have released him from his job in control of the international team." said a WFA official. "There is no love lost between us and Mr. Mackintyre. He stole money that would have been used to train present and future generations of Weegie footballers. I'm sure the fans will feel the same way."

"Considering that the job is now vacant, any applications for the position of Weegie manager would be welcome. Foreign applications will be considered as equally as Weegie applications."

The main runners for the job are thought to include: Mackintosh Armadillos manager Thomas Wiseman, Hanover Town gaffer John Lambie, and Jamestoun City manager Gordon Kirschen.

Meanwhile, at the Bureau of Bureaucracy Office Complex...

Bureau of Bureaucracy Director David Witkowski is handed a government document; the customary red strip adorning the top of the parchment, clearly identified as "Document 12-4041A."

"Documents and Forms delivered to Nikea disregarded," the document first stated. "Spelling and grammar errors cited."

Witkowski frowned; he called in for one of the many aides shuffling through the large headquarters of the Bureau of Bureaucracy. "Have Documents 12-4037 through 12-4056 reprinted. But fill out this form first," he said, handing the aide a similar looking form identified as 'Form 11-4041A.' "Deliver this, and the papers to the Grammar Department to be corrected."

"Then, sign this," Witkowski said, procuring yet another form, identified as 'Form 11-4042A.' "Then have the documents reprinted, and shipped off again to the Nikean Football Association."

"Right away sir," the aide said to Witkowski. After he left, Witkowski proceeded to fill out a third document: Document 12-4041C, identifiying the existence of the previous two forms he had just had the aide sign.

World Cup 8 Winning Coach Gets Knighthood, Sir Jim Whites will retire after WCX Qualifying

Jim Whites, the manager which led the national team to the WC8 World Cup after wins against higher-ranked opponents for 9 games in a row, was knighted yesterday evening in a ceremony performed near CCL Arena, the national stadium. Whites, who is retiring after WCX Qualification, has led his team to WC6 Qualification, WC7 First Round, the WC8 trophy and WC9 third place. Caddy Cannon is expected to take over as player-manager. Whites is expected to either move on to club football or apply for the Weegies national manager position for the remainder of WCX before officially retiring from football.

The Midway Journal

Newspaper Reporters Fired
Confusion over location of National Stadium leads to job loss

MIDWAY -- It seems that many Bedistani newspapers have recently been stating that James Parker National Stadium is located in Dennis, the capital of the state of Paruvia. However, this is false. The stadium is in fact located here in Midway, and this confusion seems to have been a major contributing factor to low visitor turnout for the New Montreal States match, possibly leading to our team's loss there. All the reporters erroneously stating that the stadium is in Dennis have been fired, and this mistake will not be made again.

[OOC: oops...that's what I get for building it somewhere other than a state capital...]

The Easter Island Digest

Whites Is Right For Us?

Rumours have abounded through the sports pages of the Weegie press that World Cup winning manager Jim Whites, currently in charge of the 2nd seeded Liverpool England squad, has applied for the job of being the Weegie national manager after he retires from managing the LE team through the qualifying stages.

"I honestly don't know how these things develop." claimed WFA official Kristine Kozicki. "One minute a Liverpudlian newspaper talks about what Whites is expected to do once he moves on, the next thing you know, the Star and the Herald all but say that the ink is just drying on the contract. Pure frenzy over a slight remark."

"I just have to say this. While we would love a manager of Whites' calibre in charge of our team, there has been no official application or even official interest placed by Whites in the Weegie team manager job. If there was, you'd be the first to know. You always seem to be, anyway."

ASNN - Loss to higher ranked teams devastates team morale

GRAHAM CITY - With a loss today at Tanah Burung combined with yesterdays loss to Lemmentia, one can only hope for the best in the remaining days to come in the WCX qualifiers. The brutal 2 - 0 loss today had many fans on their knees, crying, bawling over the loss. With that, the Stars are now a win behind the two superpowers in the group. Many analysts think that these two devastating victories will have little effect on the team as they play agains the rest of the group. If they can win the rest of their games by wide margins, many suspect they might be able to snatch the group title from under Lemmentia and Tanah Burung's noses.

"Nervy, those Lowlanders," said Canabe Livit after reading the Lowland Clans report. Livit scored goal one in the Crocodiles win over The Lowland Clans.

"Well, give them credit for the never-say die spirit," replied Zachary Alkatiri, who scored the other goal for the group-leading Crocs. "Though maybe they should worry less about catching us and the Lemmings, and more about the Scandinavian Belmores and Busby breathing down their necks."

"They're a fine team, though, and they could still surprise us," chimed in goalkeeper Nino Konis, who had just recorded yet another clean sheet in the 2-0 match.

"Maybe, but i'm feeling good," concluded defensive pillar Alex Manupatty. "If we forget about the Lemmitania matches, we've lost no games and only allowed two goals. Can we please forget about the Lemmitania matches?"

This is KCHR Radio, and we are pleased to announce that we are #2 in rank in our group. Despite a 2-1 loss to Squornshelous - we just wanted to be nice and give them a chance, so we let them score two goals in the last two minutes - 750,000 oodlebags to 'Margaret' ensured our victory over Oreo Cookie. Is this Cup getting expensive or what? Anyway, it looked like we were about to tie when that Margaret rep showed up. They sure fixed things up for us.

In other news, Grigala has been shown a lesson, it seems that their victory over Haraki on matchday one was a fluke. Commerce Heights is still not qualified, although Dennislavia has. Our friends in shipping, Ianisle pulled off a surprise win over Squornshelous, whom we have to watch out for in qualifying; only one more GD point separates their and our qualifying. Then again there's always the hope of Oddslavo being toppled. It would be nice to go to the cup with Ianisle. Or even Squornshelous; we did fight with, not against, them in the Norse War. Remember, in every cup since our first playing in World Cup 7 (or was it 6?), we have increased our rank; in every cup since World Cup 9, we have qualified.

OOC: I feel loved, I really do :P

Flaherty Bona Fide
Superstar striker scores two against Big Butts; Ians win 2-1[/i]

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- While interest in Iansisle’s national football side is waning in relation to the soon to start campaigns of the Longshoremen and Gulls, some have speculated that Coach Lord Riveran’s team may actually be the best of the three.

The Ians went into Big Butts brimming over with confidence after downing Anti-Nazis 1-0, and they certainly did not disappoint. Flaherty struck early on, putting the Ians up. Although Big Butts soon retaliated, the Ians held together and stopped their offense cold.

Midway through the second half, Flaherty again booted the ball into the goal, putting the Ians up for good. After the game, Flaherty was nothing but smiles. “I feel as if I could do anything!” he exclaimed, wrapping a wet towel about the back of his neck.

Iansisle certainly will need him to do both anything and everything if they have any intention of qualifying for World Cup X. The Ians host 21st ranked Oddslavo, the top team in their division at 9-0-3, tomorrow, followed by a quick visit to Sliponia, an ever underrated side. On the last day, the Ians will host 27th ranked Aquilla, their group’s third-place team.

“It’s going to be a tough few days,” said assistant coach David Westmore. “Certainly, I’m worried about Oddslavo and Aquilla, but we can’t forget Sliponia. They can be a dangerous team, and we don’t want to get cocky.”

In the meantime, Flaherty may not know it, but he has become the darling of football fans across the Commonwealth. Prints and posters of him have become the hot-sellers in every sports store. “Boy, I just adore Leonard,” blushed one young Royal Standard University student, clutching her books to her chest. “I’m going to the game tomorrow just to see him play! I know he’ll beat Oddslavo, I just know it!”

*we are in a huge hall, located in the capital building. seated all around us are the “who’s who” of the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38. movie stars, sports figures, scientists, authors, tycoons (no, not “typhoons”), politicians and statesmen. basically, anyone who is renowned for anything in snub nose 38. at the front of the hall, on a raised platform, stands the guy currently in charge of stuff for the borderlands of snub nose 38. next to him is an ornate table covered with certificates, citations, and medals. in his right hand he holds the scepter of his office. downstage right an assistant stands behind a podium. she has been reading the names of those being honored today, as well as the citations and certificates as they were presented. the final presentation just concluded, and the guy currently in charge of stuff for the borderlands of snub nose 38 turns towards us.*

- We honor these exemplary citizens of the Frost-Free Borderlands today because through their efforts they brought honor and recognition to our nation. Some individually, some collectively, all with integrity and dedication to duty. Through diligence and untiring hard work they have caused the spotlight of the world to shine upon us. We cannot truly honor them – they honor themselves. These trinkets we give them today are mere representations of the real and true awards – the knowledge each of them carries deep within that they went the full measure, perhaps stumbling but never faltering. These awards pale in comparison to the deeds they represent. They do, however, enter into history the names and accomplishments of these stalwart men and women to ensure our future generations will know of them, and their deeds.

*applause, applause, applause. a standing ovation, in fact. a few whistles, a couple of hollered compliments, etc. during the raucous carryings-on, those seated in the front row walk up on the stage, turn towards us, and bow or courtesy, as gender appropriate. after a few minutes, they take one final bow, and exit, both stage left and stage right. we finally quiet down, and as we begin to leave the hall, we look down at our program.*

(illegible name due to ink smear), Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages – Appointed Duke of Enfield, Order of The Borderlands, Medal of the Senate and People

Jack Cass, Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery – Sir Jack’s awards are classified

Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands, Legion of Merit
Eileen Dover, Assistant Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands, Legion of Merit
Justin Case, Assistant Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands

Margaret, “Librarian” – Appointed Countess of The Eastern Reaches, Order of the Garter, Order of the Borderlands, Legion of Merit

Beverly “Smith”, Second Assistant Deputy Adjunct, Snub Nose 38, Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages – Order of the Garter, Legion of Merit


Mike Easter, Asteroid Sports Network Reporter – Medal of the Senate and People
Lauren D’Order, Remington County Record Reporter – Medal of the Senate and People
Remington Grey, Scuttlebutt Reporter – Legion of Merit, Medal of the Senate and People

Pancake (00), Starting Keeper, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Crepe (99), Keeper, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Tranquility (9), Starting Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Schlep (20), Starting Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Hanratty (7), Starting Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Dinky (13), Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Sweetroll (24), Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Pooter (15), Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Ichabod (26), Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Knuckles (10), Captain and Starting Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Appointed Duke of Remington, Order of the Borderlands, Legion of Merit, Smith and Wesson Society Award
Cromagnon (5), Starting Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Finster (6), Starting Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Buster (1), Starting Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Nickles(17), Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Bevis(18 ), Defender, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Tecumsah (33), Starting Midfielder, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands, Smith and Wesson Society Award
Malicious (11), Starting Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands, Smith and Wesson Award, 38 Special Trophy
Duster (14), Starting Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands
Yosarian (23), Starting Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Knighthood, Order of the Borderlands, Legion of Merit
Pinky (25), Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands
Ishmael (34), Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands, Moby Dick Award
Frangiapani (35), Forward, Snub Nose 38 Hooligans – Order of the Borderlands, Floral Arrangement

Yodel (8 ) –Retired Defender – Legion of Merit
Brady(22) – Retired Midfielder – Legion of Merit
Neanderthal(3) –Retired Midfielder – Legion of Merit
Tank(12) – Retired Forward – Legion of Merit
Paddy(16) – Retired Forward – Legion of Merit

Virginia Hamm - Vice Assistant Subsidiary Alternate Justice – Order of the Garter

Marvin Gardens, Assistant Night Manager, Maintenance and Sanitary Engineering Team – Smith and Wesson Award

*as we file out of the hall in an orderly manner, we cannot help but reflect on the fact that the frost-free borderlands of snub nose 38 does not have a peerage system.*

Use Your Dragonian I - II
'slaves (november) reign over TDE

Audioslavia welcomed TDE to the jungle yesterday and beat them 2-1 in a close match. The TDE players are on a night-train back to their country definately not thinking 'its so easy' like they probably were after their last match with Audioslavia.

TDE were taken down in the paradise city. Jonny Willow grabbed the first goal after a good twenty minutes of pressure in the first half, smacking the ball ridiculously hard with a volley which almost bust the net. TDE obviously felt right next door to hell after the 'slaves's dominant attacking play, but found their way back just before half-time as they scored a cracking 30-yard free-kick.

However, Audioslavia's appetite for destruction hadnt been quenched in the half-time period and they once again tore into the TDE defence, showing raw power as they took the lead yet again, this time through a Nick Shearer header in the 50th minute.

Thats how it stayed for the rest of the match. The 'slaves just couldnt think of any more GnR album/song titles to cram in to this spaghetti incident of a game so they shut up shop and defended until the 90th minute.

Final Score
Audioslavia 2 (Willow 23, Shearer 50)
The Dragonian Empire 1 (some dude, 45)

[code:1:ea32f52126]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Ravenspire (3) 13 10 2 1 28 11 +17 32 Q
Audioslavia (18) 13 9 0 4 25 11 +14 27 -5
Svecia (22) 13 7 1 5 23 15 +8 22
Zinkoland (67) 12 6 3 3 15 11 +4 21
Clearwater (80) 12 5 4 3 15 11 +4 19
The Dragonian Empire (57) 13 5 3 5 22 21 +1 18
Dauragons 12 2 2 8 6 19 -13 8 Eli
Davii 12 2 2 8 5 22 -17 8 Eli
Citta Acqua 12 1 2 9 6 23 -17 5 Eli
[/code:1:ea32f52126]

Audioslavia now need only four points to be sure of qualification (five points to be absoloutely sure, but their lead on GD is not likely to be surpassed by either Clearwater, Zinkoland or Svecia). The next match against Davii should get three of those points. However, the last two matches are difficult. A home match against Clearwater should feasibly be winnable but Clearwater will be infintely more hungry for the game, as they are one of four very evenly matched teams vying for the third qualification spot. Audioslavia's last match isnt a definite three-pointer either. The Ravens, although already qualified, will look to avenge their 3-1 defeat in Cornellby, and a team of their standard, playing at home, with something to fight for, will be very hard to beat.

The real battle for qualification in group 8 is behind the 'slaves. Zinkoland, Clearwater and Svecia all have very realistic chances of getting that final qualifying place. TDE can mathematically get there, but they would have to rely on losses by the other three sides and have only an outside chance of qualification.

These are the final fixtures for the five sides who can make qualification:

[code:1:ea32f52126]
AUD ZIN SVE CLE TDE

Davii (a) R'spire (a) Dauragn (h) C.Acqua (h) No Match
C'water (h) 'Empire (h) C.Acqua (a) Audiosl (a) Zinko (a)
No match Dauragn (h) C'water (h) Svecia (a) C.Acqua (h)
R'spire (a) C.Acqua (h) No Match Davii (h) Dauragn (a)
[/code:1:ea32f52126]

No side seems to have an easier run-in than the next, with Audioslavia and Zinkoland having to play Ravenspire away, and each side having to play at least one other in the title race.

Audioslavia's betting monkey is taking the following odds

AUD: 2-1
ZIN: 4-1
SVE: 4-1
CLE: 6-1
TDE: 11-1

ive been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bizatches

Big Butts Performance Card

[code:1:7112d71c58]
Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts Q/E
Oddslavo (21) 12 9 0 3 25 13 +12 27
Squornshelous (12) 13 7 3 3 22 14 +8 24
Aquilla (27) 12 7 2 3 24 18 +6 23
Iansisle 13 6 3 4 12 10 +2 21
Defari (55) 13 6 0 7 20 18 +2 18
Anti-nazis (69) 12 4 2 6 16 17 -1 14
Oreo Cookie 13 4 1 8 7 15 -8 13 Eli
Big Butts 12 3 2 7 6 17 -11 11 Eli
Sliponia 12 1 5 6 4 14 -10 8 Eli
[/code:1:7112d71c58]

Performance: The best run of test results BB has produced this year
Expected grade: D-
Effort in class: 7/10

Comments: After underperforming at the end of first-term, it was nice to see BB get involved in things more at the start of second term. After getting the same score as Anti-Nazis, BB actually outperformed both Oreo Cookie and Sliponia before just being beaten in the spelling contest by Iansisle.

Headmasters Comments: We think we have been able to sort some of the bullying problems in the school, and its nice to see BB getting involved in the class again. It just makes it all the more disappointing the drop in performance before the holiday. Hopefully BB will remain interested until the end of the year and will perpare for next year.

(originally posted by Bedistan)
...and this confusion seems to have been a major contributing factor to low visitor turnout for the New Montreal States match, possibly leading to our team's loss there.

The stadium was packed - granted half of them were Paladins fans. But packed none the less :D

We moved this here from sign-up thread to avoid being shot by TnUI

Brazillico forfeits its vote to determine World Cup Host
*we are somewhere in the expansive mansion of the minister of athletics, olympics and alcoholic beverages. the room looks like it could be a sitting room, or perhaps a library - there are a lot of books here. the minister is seated in a well upholstered chair facing the large stone fireplace. he is reading todays' paper. a cold "38 special" in an intricate beer stein sits on a coaster on the side table...um...beside him. we catch margaret in the act of selecting a book from a bookshelf on the other side of the room. she is leafing through a slim book of poetry, and seems to be humming a little tune. we listen carefully, and recognize "every things coming up rose's," from "gypsy". suddenly the minister leaps to his feet (knocking over the side table, and, of course, spilling his beer. one of the butler twins slips into the room with a mop, a rag, and a dour expression, and begins cleaning it up.*

- Margaret! Look at this!
- Hmmm? Look at what?
- This! It says here Tony Hernandez, Brazillican Minister of Sports and Culture, announced that the Brazillican Football League is forfeiting its' vote in the selection of Hosts for World Cup XI.
- Oh.
- That's outrageous!
- What? Why?
- He's thumbing his nose at us, that's what! He's abrogating his responsibility, that's why!
- Oh, come off it. He's not, and he's not.
- Yes, he is. He...
- You're just jealous. He gets a vote, because Brazillico's on the World Cup Committee.
- So, that doesn't mean...
- And Brazillico is on the World Cup Committee because they won the World Cup. Twice! That's what's really got your goat (ooc: remember - there's always a goat).
- Piffle!
- Piffle? You just can't stand it that Tony get's a vote, and has decided to recuse himself from this selection for very good reasons, and you don't get a vote.
- ...bother!...

*and so we leave them, because frankly there is a wonderful hint of recently baked cookies in the air, and we intend to find the kitchen.*

Dearest Snubby, if you want a vote on the WCC, you know how to get one. :P
It's not me...it's that idiot Minister. :wink:

We moved this here from sign-up thread to avoid being shot by TnUI

TIMWAY COACH CANNED

Timway's head coach, Lee Blackwood, was dismissed earlier this morning following the team's fourth consecutive loss. Their meteoric fall from the top of the group to fifth place also means that the team is out of a qualifying space, and the team must achieve at least 7 points in its last three games to have a realistic shot at qualifying. GK and team captain Anton Carlsson will be a player/coach for the remainder of qualifying. Speculation on a permanant replacement has yet to start, but this reporter is certain that rumors will begin to swirl soon. On the positive side of the ledger, Timway plays three unranked teams in its final three games.

Raucous Rejoicing in Runaway Moose, Magnificent Mirth Manifest.
By Moosenia Huffloo
Coach Berkett was the first one to pop a cork after the match against Warnocks Wizards yesterday. We managed to get a quick interview with him and this is what he had to say:

MH: Coach Berkett, you didn't win today, but you secured a place in the next round. How do you feel about that?

CB: Well, it's not a great victory today, but the chance to continue on is what we were playing for. The WW national put out a great defense, and we just weren't able to capitalize on any opportunities.

MH: We just heard that EB is also guaranteed to go on to the next round, because of this tie, actually.

CB: Well, EB came into this tournament ranked number one in the world. We are just glad that we've been ahead of them for most of the qualifiers... are we still?

MH: Um, hang on, let me ask my... yes... yes, EB lost to TnUI. They have a spot, but you are up on them 2 points.

CB: Awesome. HEY!!! DID YOU LOT HEAR THAT!? WE'RE UP ON EB 2 POINTS

Team: YAAAAAAH! WOOOOO! (etc.)

MH: Well, I'm sure you want to go party with your team. Congratulations coach.

CB: Cheers.

Runaway Moose is TnUI tomorrow, which is a match to watch, because that match, in conjunction with the results from the WW v. LD match will determine whether the top three are set.

The Bureaucratic Tribune

2-2 draw with NASTIC 2
Wonderteam draws with NASTIC 2 at home

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Oglethorpian Wonderteam faced group 5 qualifying contenders NASTIC 2 at home today, the opposing side having appeared strong through all of World Cup X qualifying. "The next two matches will be exciting," team captain Fernando Green predicted: "matches with the 2nd and 3rd runners in group 5."

Of course, team captain/midfielder Green was referring to the Nikean Pandas and NASTIC 2, whom preferred to be called 'Nastic.'

The NASTIC 2 national side opened up the match vs. the Wonderteam with astonishing skill, Unnamed Goonie #1 scoring a goal in the 5th minute. "I didn't even know I had been scored on," reflected keeper Yamamoto-san.

NASTIC 2 would put in another in the 25th to bring their lead over the Wonderteam to 2-nil. "The second time," said coach Picciotto, "Yamamoto-san had a better attempt to stop that goal; but Unnamed Goonie #2 still got it in there."

The match went to the half with the Wonderteam down 2-nil to the NASTIC 2 national side. However, in the 54th Oglethorpia would make a run to get themselves back in competition, Torrence Black weaving the NASTIC 2 defense right down the middle and putting one in for the first goal of the match for the Wonderteam.

"It's amazing," said coach Picciotto. "Torrence can really read the defense."

Or perhaps just the NASTIC 2 defense, for in the 68th minute he'd score the second for the Wonderteam, securing the equalizer, the match 2-2 with the clocking hitting 70 minutes.

Winning goals were attempted by both sides; notably Unnamed Goonie #3 and Jorge White, but Yamamoto-san and Unnamed Goalie #4 would make fine stops.

With the end of full time (and the signing of several documents and forms) the match between NASTIC 2 and Oglethorpia would end in a 2-2 draw.

"We played a good match," Fernando Green commented afterwards. "If we can't win, it's always good for us to take away a draw."

---

THE FACTS
(Brought to you by Amalgamated Inc.)

Oglethorpia - 2 (T. Black 54, 68)
NASTIC 2 - 2 (Unnamed Goonie #1 5, Unnamed Goonie #2 25)

A Press Release from the RMIIWFUEINED
Runaway Moose Institution of Information We Find Useful Even If Nobody Else Does

Team/Points/Games Remaining/Highest Possible Point Total

RM/33/3/42
EB/31/3/40
TnUI/28/2/34
WW/21/3/30
LD/22/2/28

IF TnUI wins...

...both WW and LD will be eliminated

...RM will be upset... we still want to win a lot.

IF TnUI and RM draw...

...LD will be eliminated

...AND IF WW doesn't win, they will also be eliminated

...RM will be slightly miffed, on account of our wanting to win.

IF RM wins...

...AND IF LD wins, WW will be eliminated

...AND IF WW wins or WW and LD draw, LD will be eliminated

...more parties in Runaway Moose!





Thank you.

(originally posted by Bedistan)
...and this confusion seems to have been a major contributing factor to low visitor turnout for the New Montreal States match, possibly leading to our team's loss there.

The stadium was packed - granted half of them were Paladins fans. But packed none the less :D

OOC: Heh, I should have clarified that -- low Bedistani turnout. Apparently the NMS journalists actually knew what they were doing. ;)

In the Bureau of Bureaucracy Office Complex's shipping division, four large boxes are wrapped, sealed and ready for shipment to Nikea's Football Association; adorning each box on top, "Document 12-4043A."

The counts of their contents have been taken: all listed on Document 12-4058 A, which has been delivered to Bureau of Bureaucracy Director David Witkowski's desk.


Document 12-4055A - match venue and final score
Document 12-4055B - copy of 12-4055A

Document 12-4054A - attendance
Document 12-4054B - copy of 12-4054A

Document 12-4056C - confirms existance of aforementioned documents

Form 11-4055A - for retrieval of aforementioned documents



"Excellent," he said. "Have them shipped out."

[BSTV logo appears on screen, and then the camera begins to pan over James Parker Stadium.]

Sam: Hello everybody, and welcome to another exciting World Cup 10 qualifying match. I'm Sam Murphy here with Joey Stanton, and we'll be calling your game today.

Joey: James Parker Stadium is absolutely packed today, with most of the fans wearing the blue and silver of the Bedistan Lions. I suppose it helps that the newspapers have finally gotten the city right.

Sam: Indeed. Anyway, we're playing host today to LordSquall, currently fourth in the group, three points behind the Lions. Both sides will be itching for a win in order to have a chance at qualifying.

Joey: Barber is taking no chances in this match, and he's fielded all the regular starting eleven.

Sam: There's the toss...and the Lions will start. Let's do it.

[6th minute]

Sam: Briscoe going up the right side...she sends it over to Marley, now up to Morlock...he shoots...and it's in!

Joey: The Lions open up the scoring just six minutes in, and the crowd has gone wild! This actually isn't much out of the ordinary, though...

Sam: Indeed not. When we score, we usually do it early. Let's see if we can hold up...

[17th minute]

Sam: And that's a yellow card for Kucharski. She should've known better.

Joey: LordSquall with the free kick...#12 takes it, sends it over to #9, and he puts it IN!

Sam: LordSquall with the equalizer, and it's 1-1 in the 18th. Mitchell doesn't look happy, but that was a tough shot to block.

[30th minute]

Sam: Kucharski takes it from the opposing forward, waits for a moment...she gives it to Briscoe...and it's Briscoe running upfield...and...holy cow! Claire Briscoe with the amazing curved shot from midfield totally bamboozling the keeper! 2-1 Lions.

Joey: Somehow I get the feeling this'll be a high-scoring game...

Sam: You think so? Not usually with the Lions -- personally I think it's gonna end where it is now, 2-1. But we'll see.

[38th minute]

Sam: Marley takes the corner...it finds Morlock's head, JUST out of the keeper's grasp, and there's Darren Morlock with his second of the match!

Joey: Not even halftime yet, and it's already 3-1! That's a nice lead, but LordSquall could still come back.

Sam: There's no way either team's getting any more goals, Joey.

Joey: How much you wanna bet?

Sam: This much. [Sam reaches into his pocket, grabs a þ200 note, and puts it on the desk in front of them.]

Joey: Ooh, a double-C*...you're on.

[Halftime]

Sam: And it looks like Barber's making some substitutions. I'd say he figures he has the game wrapped up at this point. It's Segawa on for Morgan, Heidelberg for Bean, and Fukushima for Mitchell. Morlock takes over as captain for the second half.

Joey: Which should be every bit as exciting as the first half. Hold on to your seats, folks.

[70th minute]

Sam: Sippel tries to put it in, but the keeper sends it out. Corner for Bedistan.

Joey: Briscoe takes the corner, gets it in to Heidelberg...she sends it up to Morlock, and...WOOHOO!!!

Sam: I don't believe it! Morlock with the hat trick there, and the Lions go up 4-1!

Joey: Hahahahahahaha! That's two hundred bak**, SUCKER!

Sam: Damn. I never thought I'd be pissed about one of our guys scoring a goal.

Joey: Hahaha, the Stantons are going to Rosa's for dinner tonight!

Sam: Four goals in one match...that's only like the third or fourth time our team's done that. Mad props to offensive coach Johnny Lewis for that one.

Joey: [snickers]

[81st minute]

Sam: Most of the LordSquall fans are gone now...and those that weren't probably will be now! Briscoe puts in yet another one, and it's 5-1 Lions!

Joey: Claire just made history there -- the Lions have never scored five goals in a single match before, and that crowd is cheering as though we'd just won the Cup, Sam.

Sam: If they keep playing like this, that may well happen...

[Full time]

Final score:
Bedistan 5 (Morlock 6, 38, 70; Briscoe 30, 81)
LordSquall 1 (<player> 17)

Thomas Award points:
Marley 3, Morlock 6, Kucharski 1, Briscoe 4, Mitchell 1, Sanchez 2, Heidelberg 1, Segawa 1, Fukushima 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
D. Morlock - 20
C. Mitchell - 14
C. Briscoe - 13

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell [Fukushima 46] - Sanchez, Morgan [Segawa 46], Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean [Heidelberg 46], Marley - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

* Double-C -- a þ200 note, referencing the Roman numeral for 200 (CC).

** Bak -- short for bakrani, the currency of Bedistan.

[OOC: :shock:]

Double post...how'd you guess? ;)

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Last-minute-win against Haraki
The Orange-Blues won against Haraki, who are currently ranked 15th, 2-0. This game was the last home game in the qualifiers, the following matches are in Irrevilentsdom, NASTIC 2 and Nikea, before the Orange-Blues hopefully play in One Red Dot or Giant Zucchini. Since NASTIC 2 won against the other uppercase nation in the group, SPARTEN, and Nikea draw against Oglethorpia, the difference to the third place remains 5 points.

Haraki attacked furiously during the first minutes. they had three 100% chances during the first 10 minutes, but Hexen'he was there and saved what needed to be saved. The Orange-Blues, who played in their well-known system Imdila (4-4-2) again, were in that part of the match the inferior team, if ball possesion, chances or corners were considered. But only the number of goals matters and the rejistanian defense and goalie Syku Hexen kept it down to nil. In the second third of the first half, the Orange-Blues gained confidence and also got few chances. Despite this, Haraki was the better team. The first half ended nil all and showed that results don't say anything about the dominance of a team.

The second half started, like the first ended: the Orange-Blues played defensive and their counters ended in the Harakian defense. In the 56th minute, a long-distance shot of Su'he only hit the crossbar, it was one of the few times, when the ball got past the harakian defense. But the Harakians seemed to get tired as time passed. The Orange-Blues got more chances and became more dominant. In the 83rd minute, Xeseja Su tried another time to score, again a long-distance shot. This time, he had success, the score was 1-0. When everybody expected the match to end 1-0 and the first disappointed harakian fans left the stadium, SyLy and Linkosa'he outsmarted the Harakian defense and Linkosa'he archieved the 2-0. Haraki suddently attacked again, but the result didn't change anymore.

The result:
Rejistania 2 (Su, 83rd, Linkosa 89th)
Haraki 0

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 11
Su: 7
Linkosa: 3
Sines: 1
Koleni: 1

EDIT: YASMOT