World Cup X: 3rd Placing and Finals [Archive]

One Red Dot

28-11-2003, 20:44

Useful Links:
WCX Scores/Tables (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=98354)
WCX Rosters (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=91439)
WCX Pre-season RP (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96583)
Signup for WC11 (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=96736)

This thread is for RPing during the course of WCX.

Qualifying Group 1:
Snub Nose 38 (6)
Larkinia
Ariddia (20)
East Spaam (33)
A nation
Sensual Products (63)
Evisceratomatoes (74)
Cockbill Street
The Weegies (50)

Qualifying Group 2:
The Lowland Clans (43)
Fradustanis
Canadian Power Trip
Busby (17)
Lemmitania ( 8 )
Tanah Burung (24)
Agnosticium
Belmorian Scandinavia (66)
Stealth zerbert

Qualifying Group 3:
Lanky Dude (53)
Total n Utter Insanity (29)
Usania
Jaurania
Microbrits
Europa Brittania (1)
Koennerstien
Warnocks Wizards (34)
Runaway Moose (13)

Qualifying Group 4:
Gesamtkuntswerk (11)
The Belmore Family (9)
Antaeus Rising (40)
The most holy Kesler
Nadaskor
Monotonous Malarchy
Timway(41)
Great Boogie
CallMeBernard (64)

Qualifying Group 5:
Grigala
Haraki (15)
NASTIC 2 (60)
Senoj
SPARTEN
Rejistania ( 38 )
Irrevilentsdom
Oglethorpia (5)
Nikea (31)

Qualifying Group 6:
Keyshona ( 48 )
Eauz (44)
Social Cleavage
Kaze Progressa (26)
Scaraba
Dead Man
Kumba ya
Spaam (37)
Kingsford (10)

Qualifying Group 7:
Dark Outcasts ( 28 )
Dennisov (14)
SterlingIce (61)
New Montreal States
Kamakaza
Kerla
Oilermania
LordSquall (47)
Bedistan (4)

Qualifying Group 8:
Svecia (22)
Audioslavia ( 18 )
Ravenspire (3)
The Dragonian Empire (57)
Zinkoland (67)
Davii
Dauragons
Citta Acqua
Clearwater (80)

Qualifying Group 9:
Akbarland (51)
Liverpool England (2)
Halfassedstates (19)
Commerce Heights (23)
Pavesia
EL CID THE HERO
Morawny ( 58 )
Kravoli (81)
The Arrivian Alliance

Qualifying Group 10:
Iansisle
Defari (55)
Squornshelous (12)
Oreo Cookie
Anti-Nazis (69)
Big Butts
Oddslavo (21)
Sliponia
Aquilla (27)

The following matchdays are intepreted as follows: [home nation] v [away nation]. Your number corresponds to what position your nation is on the list of qualifier groups. There will be two matchdays (out of 18 ) where your nation is not playing.

Matchday 1
1v2
3v4
5v6
7v8

Matchday 2
2v7
3v1
6v4
9v5

Matchday 3
1v4
3v9
5v2
8v6

Matchday 4
2v8
4v9
5v1
7v3

Matchday 5
1v6
3v8
4v2
9v7

Matchday 6
2v6
5v3
7v1
8v9

Matchday 7
1v8
4v5
6v7
9v2

Matchday 8
6v3
7v5
8v4
9v1

Matchday 9
2v3
4v7
6v9
8v5

Matchdays 10-18 are the same as Matchdays 1-9 except that home nations and away nations are swapped.

Oglethorpia

28-11-2003, 20:57

The Bureaucratic Tribune

No rosters?
Group 5 roster sheets largely absent

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Football analysts have scoured Oglethorpian Association of Football records at least four times over, and have made visits to all the nations of group 5; and still, they have come up with only two rosters.

Oglethorpia's Wonderteam roster (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2063973#2063973) and Rejistania's World Cup team roster (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2200754#2200754).

The mystery of the missing rosters has yet to be solved; or investigated, for that matter. Oglethorpians are confused that only two of nine teams have actually published rosters. "I remember Nikea was one of those active teams in the last Cup. We got tons of newspapers from that nation. I don't know where their roster went; or for that matter, that crazy Keldas Quacky newspaper, or whatever it was called," said one random Oglethorpian.

Analysts still hold out hope that more rosters from nations participating in group 5 will come out of the woodwork.

But with World Cup X qualification already scheduled to begin in a few short weeks, it seems the opponents of Oglethorpia's Wonderteam and their players will largely go unknown and anonymous.

Cute Fluffy Pigs

28-11-2003, 21:01

Oink!

Oglethorpia

28-11-2003, 21:18

Oink!

OOC:

Wow, all 23 of your posts are composed of "oink."

---

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam qualifying schedule
Association of Football publishes World Cup X qualifying schedule

By Dwight Hamilton

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Association of Football has finalized and published the Oglethorpian Wonderteam's qualifying schedule for World Cup X, hosted by Giant Zucchini and One Red Dot.

Ticket sales for the matches listed below are already underway, so you've got to act fast if you want to see one of the Wonderteam's eight matches to be played at home in the recently revamped Amalgamated Stadium.

[code:1:37098dffa9]
Oglethorpian Wonderteam
World Cup X Qualifying Schedule

Day Match
1 Oglethorpia at Irrevilentsdom
2 Bye
3 Rejistania at Oglethorpia
4 Oglethorpia at Haraki
5 Oglethorpia at NASTIC 2
6 Nikea at Oglethorpia
7 Oglethorpia at Grigala
8 Senoj at Oglethorpia
9 SPARTEN at Oglethorpia

10 Irrevilentsdom at Oglethorpia
11 Bye
12 Oglethorpia at Rejistania
13 Haraki at Oglethorpia
14 NASTIC 2 at Oglethorpia
15 Oglethorpia at Nikea
16 Grigala at Oglethorpia
17 Oglethorpia at Senoj
18 Oglethorpia at SPARTEN

[/code:1:37098dffa9]

More on the Wonderteam and their World Cup X bid as it comes.

Kingsford

28-11-2003, 21:32

(from Kingsford Today newspaper)

World Cup 10
------------------------
Kingsford

SCHEDULE
1 - Bye
2 - Kingsford @ Scaraba
3 - Social Cleavage @ Kingsford
4 - Kaze Progressa @ Kingford
5 - Kingsford @ Kumba ya
6 - Spaam @ Kingsford
7 - Kingsford @ Eauz
8 - Kingsford @ Keyshona
9 - Dead Man @ Kingsford
10 - Bye
11 - Scaraba @ Kingsford
12 - Kingsford @ Social Cleavage
13 - Kingsford @ Kaze Progressa
14 - Kumba ya @ Kingsford
15 - Kingsford @ Spaam
16 - Eauz @ Kingsford
17 - Keyshona @ Kingsford
18 - Kingsford @ Dead Man

All matches will be held at National Stadium in Kingsford City with the exception of:

Social Cleavage @ Kingford (held at Taverdown Road in Northern City)
Kumba ya @ Kingsford (Held at The Foundry in Forgepoint)

Tickets are on sale at www.kingsfordnational.co.kn

Ravenspire

28-11-2003, 21:49

The Ravenspire National Football Association has published the Ravens' World Cup 10 schedule:

1: Ravens v. The Dragonian Empire
2: Ravens v. Svecia
3: Ravens v. Clearwater
4: Ravens @ Dauragons
5: Ravens v. Citta Aqua
6: Ravens @ Zinkoland
7: Bye
8: Ravens @ Davii
9: Ravens @ Audioslavia
10: Ravens @ The Dragonian Empire
11: Ravens @ Svecia
12: Ravens @ Clearwater
13: Ravens v. Dauragons
14: Ravens @ Citta Aqua
15: Ravens v. Zinkoland
16: Bye
17: Ravens v. Davii
18: Ravens v. Audioslavia

Most home matches will be played in Kitsuki National Stadium, Sargard, with the following exceptions: Matchday 5 (v. Citta Aqua) will be played at Kowan Park, and matchday 13 (v. Dauragons) will be played at Justar Morgannan National Stadium.

"We like our chances," said Ravens coach Zhen Sui-Ling of the draw. "We have a long stretch of away games in the center, but we start and finish at home, which should give us some momentum going into the qualifiers at the beginning and a chance to make up for any slips at the end. Also, what are likely to be our two toughest matches, against Svecia and Audioslavia, occur days apart -- the closest they get is matchday 9 and 11. It's only unfortunate that those two are both away matches."

Bedistan

28-11-2003, 22:40

Bedistan Lions - Qualifying Schedule

Matchday 1: Bye
Matchday 2: vs. Kamakaza
Matchday 3: @ SterlingIce (61)
Matchday 4: @ New Montreal States
Matchday 5: vs. Oilermania
Matchday 6: @ LordSquall (47)
Matchday 7: vs. Dennisov (14)
Matchday 8: vs. Dark Outcasts [28]
Matchday 9: @ Kerla
Matchday 10: Bye
Matchday 11: @ Kamakaza
Matchday 12: vs. SterlingIce (61)
Matchday 13: vs. New Montreal States
Matchday 14: @ Oilermania
Matchday 15: vs. LordSquall (47)
Matchday 16: @ Dennisov (14)
Matchday 17: @ Dark Outcasts [28]
Matchday 18: vs. Kerla

All home matches will be played at the all-new James Parker National Stadium, named after former Lions coach and newly appointed Secretary of Sports and Games Jim Parker.

Prices for home matches range from þ30 to þ750, depending on the opponent and your desired seat. Prices for away matches are determined by that nation. Call Tixman at (218) 35-9400 for tickets or visit their website at http://www.tixman.bd -- they're selling out quickly!

Rejistania

28-11-2003, 23:08

From the Sikenian daily:

EXCLUSIVE INFORMATION - Was top-secret
Clever reporters have managed to get into the top-secret area of the RejistaniaFA HQ and were able to look into Imdila'he's commented schedule table. Here it is: (the text in italics as originally handwritten by Imdila'he)

1. SPARTEN vs Rejistania

2. Rejistania vs Senoj
Remeber: all matches against unranked teams are in Sike kaletri stadium

3. Oglethorpia vs Rejistania
" 'sono" and " 'jisu"* are expressed by the same word in english, if your team looks ridiculous during the game you must not look ridiculous in the interviews after

4. bye

5. Grigala vs Rejistania

6. Haraki vs Rejistania
The unknown team, find out information as far as possible

7. Rejistania vs Irrevilentsdom
Against WHO?

8. Rejistania vs NASTIC 2
First game in Sen-la-sa~o Promotion stadium (a smiley was painted next to this)

9. Rejistania vs Nikea
ask the Karela-players for additional information!!!

10. Rejistania vs SPARTEN

11. Senoj vs Rejistania
Ask Naj where Senoj is located!

12. Rejistania vs Oglethorpia
Remember how we played Ariddia last WC. We have all chances when playing at home

13. bye

14. Rejistania vs Grigala

15. Rejistania vs Haraki
at least this is a home game...

16. Irrevilentsdom vs Rejistania
NAJ!

17. NASTIC 2 vs Rejistania
They know us, be prepared!

18. Nikea vs Rejistania
Kanvali'han'iln**!

Tickets for home games are available at all advance booking offices.

*" 'sono" and " 'jisu" are both word which mean "to lose a game"
** roughly translation with changing parts of the meaning: To the qualification!

Tanah Burung

29-11-2003, 00:56

The Crocodiles were terrified to hear that their opening qualifier would take place in Lemmitania. "Oh crap," said goal keeper Nino Konis. "Maybe it's safer there now that the Hellmouth is gone."

The last time Tanah Burung played a game in Lemmitania was during WC7, when they lost 6-0 to Lunatic Goofballs, giving them a Quantum leap down the rankings charts. Bi Kikere, the coach who put herself in goal that fateful day, was fired immediately afterwards. She now returns, determined to beat the Curse of Lemmington.

"We'll exfoliate them to the bones!" she shouted, three hours into a drinking binge, before boarding the blimp for the Radical Lemming Curse Country.

29-11-2003, 01:26

Cup of Harmony Champs Prepare for World Cup 10 Qualifying

Manager Ufwurz the Furious Looking Forward to Group Play

From our news services...

New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards–After successfully capturing The Cup of Harmony, the National Team is set to embark on another quest: qualification for World Cup 10. The groups have been drawn, and the Red and White Wizards are seeded fourth among those in Group 3. Warnocks Wizards will be competing with the winners of that other cup–World Cup 9–Europa Brittania; the freedom-loving moose of Runaway Moose; World Cup 11 bid partners Total n Utter Insanity; the undeservedly maligned nation of Lanky Dude; and four World Cup qualifying debutantes: Jaurania, Koennerstein, Microbrits, and Usania. Joining me prior to his departure for the opening match at newcomers Koennerstein, Manager Ufwurz the Furious briefly sat down with this reporter and looked ahead to the campaign facing his side.

Bazgash the Sly: Thank you for taking the time to speak with me before your departure. I think I speak for everyone in the Empire for congratulating you on leading the Red and White Wizards to Cup of Harmony glory.

Ufwurz the Furious: Thank you, Bazzie. The lads deserve all the credit. We faced some very good opposition. I was proud to see us take our chances and lift the Cup at Fortress Warnock. Let’s hope we can carry over the good form in trying to qualify for One Giant Red Dot Zucchini.

Bazgash the Sly: Before we look at the schedule that lays ahead of you and the boys, have you made any significant changes to the squad that you will use in qualification?

Ufwurz the Furious: We are only making two changes from the squad we used at the Cup of Harmony. Grimbrug the Basher has returned from long-term injury and has been recalled in place of youngster Shaghosh the Raider. It’s not a slight on his ability, but I don’t think Shaghosh is quite ready for the big stage, or even performances at the Prancing Pony. Also, poor old Krumsnak the Sneaky has grown weary of dragging his zimmer frame around the pitch and has announced his retirement from the national team. In his place, I’ve decided to bring in New Orthanc United’s Burzgob the Butcher. He has been instrumental in that side’s progress in the Champions League, and I think he’s earned a chance to claim some caps.

Bazgash the Sly: The organisers have done you no favours by drawing you alongside the World Cup Champs, Europa Brittania. Also ranked above you in the group are Runaway Moose and friends Total n Utter Insanity.

Ufwurz the Furious: Indeed. Of those nations, we’ve only ever faced TnUI at the Frosty Cup. As I recall, we gave them a good match but came up short 2-1. It will be interesting to face them given our partnership in attempting to host WC11. As for EB, it will be great to be able to measure just how far we’ve come as a football team. New Orthanc United has faced their side Khandrias United in the Champions League. The series was even, with both sides winning at home, even if the Khandrias win was rather controversial. Fellow summa cum laudites Runaway Moose should prove difficult opposition. We played the Tranquil Moose at the Cup of Harmony and they gave us fits. I expect no less from the runaway strain.

Bazgash the Sly: On paper, the sides seeded below you are Lanky Dude at #53 and the newcomers of Jaurania, Koennerstein, Microbrits, and Usania.

Ufwurz the Furious: The string beans have a good side. Let’s not forget it was a team with a similar rating (The Weegies) that we had to ultimately overcome to win the Cup of Harmony. As for the others, it is difficult to project. One thing you can guarantee when you face a side new to World Cup competition: they always play each match like it’s a cup final. Each and every match will be a test for our lads. I think they just may have the skill, experience, and fortitude to make it to the World Cup this time.

Bazgash the Sly: Well, that’s wonderful. Thank you for your time, Ufwurz. Good luck in World Cup qualifying.

Qualifying Group 3:
#1 Europa Brittania
#13 Runaway Moose
#29 Total n Utter Insanity
#34 Warnocks Wizards
# 53 Lanky Dude
Jaurania
Koennerstien
Microbrits
Usania

[code:1:0fa58d0d24]
Day 1: @ Koennerstein Day 10: v Koennerstein
Day 2: bye Day 11: bye
Day 3: v #1 Europa Brittania Day 12: @ #1 Europa Brittania
Day 4: @ #29 TnUI Day 13: v #29 TnUI
Day 5: @ Usania Day 14: v Usania
Day 6: v #13 Runaway Moose Day 15: @ #13 Runaway Moose
Day 7: @ #53 Lanky Dude Day 16: v #53 Lanky Dude
Day 8: v Jaurania Day 17: @ Jaurania
Day 9: v Microbrits Day 18: @ Microbrits[/code:1:0fa58d0d24]

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Total n Utter Insanity

29-11-2003, 02:24

IC:
News of the draw for World Cup Qualifying was overshadowed today as the country officially fell into a state of civil war.

OOC:
In 10 days I'll be in America, but until then my RPs are probably gonna be this short :wink:

29-11-2003, 02:29

THE FREEDOM PRESS

Bob Buildero, Associated Press

PARTYING ALL OVER THE NATION!

-- Parties and small riots erupted all over the nation today as Keyshona qualified for the first time in our history! The Federal Commission and Authority of Fussball (FCAS) had this to say, "This is a very proud moment in our nations history! The Keyshona team triumphed today and they should be very proud of themselves." The President also seemed very pleased. He took the time to visit the team. Unfortuantely do to an evil duck scandal the coach has been fired. But the President, a former fussball star will coach the team. Check your TV news for more coverage.

Liverpool England

29-11-2003, 03:45

imported_Nikea

29-11-2003, 03:48

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

WCX Schedules Released
Pandas Start Campaign with a Bye
by Markenin Markenel

QUELDAS(NP) - The schedules were released today for the qualifying rounds in World Cup 10. With 18 matchdays, it will be a much longer campaign than any other thus far. Nikea has byes on matchdays 1 and 10.

The Pandas have lost their captain and number one keeper, but Tenerethitel is still confident with his lineup. "Kalessin [Quertel] played well for us last time out, and Aserin [Nistriel] is quite up to the task as well. Kalainen [Mersentel] will be a good captain for us, he's really emerged as a star for us."

Here is the schedule for the Pandas.

[code:1:35d64eeae5]
MD 1: Bye
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu
[/code:1:35d64eeae5]

Liverpool England

29-11-2003, 03:57

Qualifying Group 9:
Akbarland (51)
Liverpool England (2)
Halfassedstates (19)
Commerce Heights (23)
Pavesia
EL CID THE HERO
Morawny ( 58 )
Kravoli (81)
The Arrivian Alliance

Matchday 1
(A) Akbarland

Matchday 2
(H) Morawny

Matchday 3
(A) Pavesia

Matchday 4
(H) Kravoli

Matchday 5
(a) Commerce Heights

Matchday 6
(H) EL CID THE HERO

Matchday 7
(A) The Arrivian Alliance

Matchday 8
(Bye)

Matchday 9
(H) Halfassedstates

Matchday 10 - 18
MDs 1-9 reversed, MD 17 Bye

Aquilla

29-11-2003, 04:11

This is KCHR Radio. In a lowdown sneaky plot Ravenspire and TnUI have removed our beloved Littleaglaquillapuppet from the cup! Eaglet is suing them both, in Aquilla courts of course. Aquillan Archnemises Commerce Heights and Grigala are also in the cup. We look forward to defeating them. Our sheddule is:

-np-
Aquilla vs Anti-Nazis
Squornshelous vs Aquilla
Oreo Cookie vs Aquilla
Aquilla vs Oddslavo
Sliponia vs Aquilla
Aquilla vs Defari
Aquilla vs Ianisle
Big Butts vs Aquilla

Liverpool England

29-11-2003, 04:15

Aquilla

29-11-2003, 04:36

There is no reason to be angry over Eaglet missing. It has been officially, and ICly, been eliminated from the cup, there was a playoff held which could have kept Eaglet in the cup which Morawny won 3-2.

Indeed. That's why we're so angry because they cheated! *Aquillan lawyer dumps 1897.2719334 pages about how Morawny cheated on judge's desk*.

While i'm still annoyed OOC, this is just IC.

Commerce Heights

29-11-2003, 04:51

OOC: Can I fire our team's scheduler for putting the bye game in after we play LE? :P
Commerce Heights Bulldogs Schedule Announced
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Coach Cliff Broquard announced the Bulldogs' team schedule for World Cup 10 qualifying today. Many are worried about the presence of #2 Liverpool England in the group, but the coach has said that even if they can't be beaten in their own stadium, the Bulldogs will still win at home. Akbarland, still continuing its slide out of the top rankings, is in the same group as Commerce Heights for the third straight cup, and it is expected that the 2-0-0 record against them last Cup will be repeated. The other team in the group that Commerce Heights has faced before is now-unranked Pavesia, a team which defeated and drew with Commerce Heights in World Cup 7. For the first time in World Cup history, Commerce Heights will not start off the qualifiers with a home game:
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny*
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny*
*Morawny defeated Eaglet 3-2 in a playoff game to earn the 90th spot in the qualifiers.

Kaze Progressa

29-11-2003, 13:30

OOC: LOL CH. What's more, you too got the run of three straight away games at the start... but I've been able to RP it nicely ;)

IC: From the Kangaroo:

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD
(And it doesn't lead to Kaza very soon)

Kaze Progressa will begin their bid for World Cup 10 qualification with three straight away games, intended to allow Phase 3 development of the Progressair Stadium - the construction of a second 'wing extension' that will increase capacity from 67,000 to 100,000 - to be at least partly completed. However, it is still feared that it will not be ready for the first home game against Kingsford on matchday four - the Lakeside Arena, Quarua, is on standby to host that game and the subsequent match against Eauz. Confirmation will be made after matchday two.

Newcomers Social Cleavage and back-from-the-Dead Man provide modest opposition for the first two games, but Keyshona will be another matter altogether - they are seen as among the most likely sides to snatch a qualifying spot from the Progressans. After the home games against the group's standout side Kingsford and potential banana skins Eauz, a welcome rest week follows before another home game against new boys Scaraba. This then precedes the eagerly-awaited match in Spaam; tensions are high for the game after the sight of 2,500 Progressans marching in Kaza's Sports Square protesting against the decision for East Spaam to withdraw from the World Cup, claiming the Spaamian Football Association enforced the decision on their colony to allow Spaam in. The Progressans will do anything to prevent the Spaamians from making World Cup Ten, and the match between the two in the Progressair Stadium on the second-last day could be positively explosive. New boys Kumba ya complete the group. With an inability even to capitalise, this side should not be dangerous, but complacency cannot be afforded - as the Spaamians will assure you, after their experiences with Lanky dude.

The schedule in full:

Day 1: Social Cleavage vs Kaze Progressa
Day 2: Dead Man vs Kaze Progressa
Day 3: Keyshona vs Kaze Progressa
Day 4: Kaze Progressa vs Kingsford
Day 5: Kaze Progressa vs Eauz
Day 6: no game
Day 7: Kaze Progressa vs Scaraba
Day 8: Spaam vs Kaze Progressa
Day 9: Kaze Progressa vs Kumba ya
Day 10: Kaze Progressa vs Social Cleavage
Day 11: Kaze Progressa vs Dead Man
Day 12: Kaze Progressa vs Keyshona
Day 13: Kingsford vs Kaze Progressa
Day 14: Eauz vs Kaze Progressa
Day 15: no game
Day 16: Scaraba vs Kaze Progressa
Day 17: Kaze Progressa vs Spaam
Day 18: Kumba ya vs Kaze Progressa

Kaze Progressa

29-11-2003, 13:31

Snub Nose 38

29-11-2003, 17:15

The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Infromation, and Band Aids could no longer be restrained by either good taste, common sense, or several burly guards, and published the Schedule of World Cup 10 Qualifying Matches for Group 1. Subsequently, he was overpowered and returned to his room. The Minister of Health, Mining and Obscure Rituals has recommended sedatives and, if necessary, a straight jacket. Upon hearing this, the Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids said he'd be good.

Tickets for all remaining Snub Nose 38 Hooligan qualifying matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

Qualifying Group 1 Results
[code:1:7ae875a665]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
3 Arridia (20) 8 7 0 1 18 6 12 21 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 6 19 roster
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 8 5 1 2 13 5 8 16 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 8 3 1 4 9 8 1 10
8 Cockbill Street 8 3 0 5 4 8 -4 9 roster
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 8 2 2 4 5 9 -4 8
6 Sensual Products (63) 8 2 1 5 8 13 -5 7
5 A nation 8 2 1 5 4 10 -6 7
2 Larkinia 8 1 3 4 4 12 -8 6[/code:1:7ae875a665]
Matchday 1 Results
Larkinia 1 at Snub Nose 38 4
East Spaam 1 at Arridia 3
Sensual Products 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 2 Results
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Larkinia 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Arridia 1
East Spaam 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at The Weegies 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 3 Results
East Spaam 1 at Snub Nose 38 1
The Weegies 2 at Arridia 1
Larkinia 1 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 1 at Cockbill Street 0
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 4 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Larkinia 1
The Weegies 1 at East Spaam 0
Snub Nose 38 1 at A nation 0
Arridia 2 at Evisceratomatoes 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 5 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at Arridia 2
Larkinia 0 at East Spaam 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at The Weegies 2
A nation - bye

Matchday 6 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Larkinia 1
Arridia 3 at A nation 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 2 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 7 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Snub Nose 38 2
A nation 1 at East Spaam 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at Sensual Products 0
Larkinia 0 at The Weegies 2
Arridia - bye

Matchday 8 Results
Arridia 4 at Sensual Products 3
A nation 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
East Spaam 0 at Cockbill Street 1
Snub Nose 38 3 at The Weegies 0
Larkinia - bye

Matchday 9 Results
Arridia 2 at Larkinia 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at Cockbill Street 2
Snub Nose 38 - bye

Matchday 10 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Larkinia 0
Arridia 4 at East Spaam 1
A nation 1 at Sensual Products 0
Evisceratomatoes forfeit 3 GF to Cockbill Street
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 11 Results
Larkinia 1 at Evisceratomatoes 4
Arridia 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Sensual Products 0 at East Spaam 3
The Weegies 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 12 Results
Snub Nose 38 3 at East Spaam 0
Arridia 0 at The Weegies 2
A nation 0 at Larkinia 0
Sensual Products 1 Cockbill Street 2 at Sensual Products 1
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 13 Results
Larkinia 0 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam 0 at The Weegies 2
A nation 0 at Snub Nose 38 1
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Arridia 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 14 Results
Snub Nose 38 2 at Sensual Products 1
Arridia 0 at Cockbill Street 1
East Spaam 1 at Larkinia
The Weegies 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
A nation - bye

Matchday 15 Results
Larkinia 0 at Sensual Products 4
A nation 1 at Arridia 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at The Weegies 2
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 16 Results
Snub Nose 38 1 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam 4 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 4 at Larkinia 2
Arridia - bye

Matchday 17 Results
Sensual Products 2 at Arridia 4
Evisceratomatoes 1 at A nation 0
Cockbill Street 2 at East Spaam 0
The Weegies 3 at Snub Nose 38 1
Larkinia - bye

The Schedule for matchday 18 is the same as for matchdays 9 except that home nations and away nations are switched.

29-11-2003, 17:35

(ooc: putting all the back story in one post)

DRIVE FOR ZUCCHINI!

Pounding techno beats wail as credits roll. In front of the camera are two large sentient vegetables. These are Evisceratomatoes, a genetic experiment gone wrong, the products of the fevered imagination of a scientist with too much hate for another country's football team, and far too much time on her hands.

Evisceratomatoes are tomatoes engineered to go rotten when in close proximity to citizens of Snub Nose 38, and to splatter on impact: to eviscerate the competition. Several years ago, the mad geneticist who created these monstrosities stole DNA from a sentient Giant Zucchini and grafted it to her vegetable creations. The result was the Evisceratomatoes. A crime against nature, an abomination in the sight of God (and Snub Nosed people too, of course).

Ava Byte: Welcome to the Fighting Fruit report. I'm here with His Excellency Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes and manager of our football team. Your Appallingness, thanks for joining us.

Nate: A pleasure, my little rutabaga.

Ava: So, another World Cup campaign? I thought the Fighting Fruit were done with football and moving to a higher plane of existence?

Nate: The ethereal plane beckoned us, yes. But when we heard the World Cup was being played partly in Giant Zucchini, in the land of our forebears, i could not refuse the chance to compete. And so we are on our Drive for Zucchini!!

Ava: Well, good luck to you, Your Loquaciousness. We'll be back with more after these short messages.

Audioslavia

29-11-2003, 18:24

[code:1:7b91614543]
World Cup IV
Qualifying
W4-2 Enelando
L1-2 Alhana Catherine
W3-2 Dyelibeybi
L1-2 Lemmitania
W3-1 Divine Llama
L0-1 Lunatic Goofballs

First Round
D3-3 Kingsford
W2-1 Jurrasica
D1-1 Europa Brittania

Second Round
D1-1 Lemmitania (D1-1AET L2-3PEN)

World Cup V
L0-4 Squornshelous
L0-3 One Red Dot
L0-1 Hendland
W4-0 Halfassedstates
W3-2 Caras Sidh
W2-1 Dark Outcasts
D1-1 Christofi

8-Way-Playoff
L1-2 Moyk

World Cup VI
Qualifying
W2-0 Great White Sharks
D3-3 _AMP
W4-3 Porvoo
W4-1 Jay Cutter
W3-2 Cobra Cult
W6-0 Iuthia
D1-1 Starving Children
W2-1 Great White Sharks
D1-1 _AMP
W1-0 Porvoo
L2-3 Jay Cutter
D1-1 Cobra Cult
W2-0 Iuthia
L2-3 Starving Children

First Round
L0-3 Spaam
D1-1 Lemmitania
W2-1 Cobra Cult

World Cup VII
First Round
L3-4 Malundar
W3-1 Liverpool England
W1-0 Kingsford

Second Round 18
D2-2 Errinundera (L2-4AET)

World Cup VIII
Qualifying
W4-0 Sycoes
L1-2 Black Eagle Corps.
W2-1 Voyger
W2-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog
D1-1 Sycoes
D0-0 Black Eagle Corps
D2-2 Voyger
D0-0 Demonic Beings
D1-1 Quohog

First Round
L1-2 Halfassedstates
L2-3 The Belmore Family
W3-1 Bullonien

World Cup IX
Qualifying
W2-0 Clearwater
L0-2 Lanky Dude
D1-1 Sensual Products
L0-1 East Spaam
D0-0 Timway
L0-1 Aquilla
W2-0 Spaam
W3-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Lanky Dude
W1-0 Sensual Products
W2-0 East Spaam
W3-2 Timway
D0-0 Aquilla
L0-1 Spaam

First Round
L1-2 The Belmore Family
D1-1 Oglethorpia
W1-0 Nikea

World Cup X
Qualifying
W2-1 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L1-2 Zinkoland
W3-0 Citta Acqua
L1-2 Dragonian Empire
W2-0 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
W3-1 Ravenspire
W1-0 Svecia
W3-0 Dauragons
L2-3 Zinkoland
W2-0 Citta Acqua
W2-1 Dragonian Empire
W3-1 Davii
L0-1 Clearwater
D1-1 Ravenspire

First Round
L1-2 Lemmitania
W1-0 Totan 'n Utter Insanity

Total: P W D L F A GD
Audioslavia 97 41 20 26 145 106 +39

Random Stats:

Biggest Wins:
6-0 Vs Iuthia (WC6Q)
4-0 Vs Sycoes (WC8Q)
4-0 Vs Halfassedstates (WC5Q)
4-1 Vs Jay Cutter (WC6Q)

Biggest Defeats:
0-4 Vs Squornshelous (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs One Red Dot (WC5Q)
0-3 Vs Spaam (WC6)
0-2 Vs Lankydude (WC9Q)

Longest Winning Streak: 6 games (WC9Q)
Longest Losing Streak: 4 games (WC4-WC5Q)
Longest time without defeat: 10 games (WC6Q)
Longest time without win: 8 games (WC8Q, WC8)

Bogey teams:
Lemmitania (Played 4, lost 3, drawn 1)
Zinkoland (played 2, lost 2)
The Belmore Family (played 2, lost 2)
Spaam (played 3, lost 2)

Notches on bedpost (big names which have succumbed to the 'slaves :)):

Liverpool England (3-1)
Total 'n Utter Insanity (1-0)
Ravenspire (3-1)
Svecia (2-1, 2-1)
Kingsford (1-0)
Spaam (2-0)
Timway (3-2)
Halfassedstates (4-0)

Random Facts:

For a period between World Cup 8 qualifying and World Cup 9 qualifying, Audioslavia had only won TWICE in FIFTEEN matches, with the wins coming over Clearwater and Bullionien.

In 97 games, Audioslavia have been defeated by 2 or more goals only four times, all of which are in the 'biggest defeats' list.[/code:1:7b91614543]

Commerce Heights

29-11-2003, 19:36

OOC: Lanky Dude 5 TnUI 1? :lol:
IC:
Commerce Heights Road Campaign Off To A Good Start
HALFASSEDSTATES - What was expected to be an almost-certain HAS win turned out to be a shutout by the Bulldogs. Though the first half remained scoreless, Deppiesse and Cahalane's two goals early in the second half combined with Vojtilo's perfect game at the goalkeeper position to lead to the upset.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Deppiesse 49, Cahalane 57)
(19) Halfassedstates 0 - FT
[code:1:1b758cd045]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Liverpool England (2) 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Commerce Heights (23) 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Morawny (58) 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
EL CID THE HERO 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
The Arrivian Alliance 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Kravoli (81) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Pavesia 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Akbarland (51) 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
Halfassedstates (19) 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0[/code:1:1b758cd045]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:1b758cd045] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 41 10 13 17 1
Wins 20 3 6 10 1
Draws 8 3 4 1 0
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 70.4 62.6 81.7 69.3 19.0
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.4 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.0 gpg
Goal Differential +10 -3 +5 +6 +2
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:1b758cd045]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:1b758cd045]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
C. Deppiesse 1 1 1.00
J. Cahalane 1 1 1.00

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 1 0 0.00

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 41 20 0.49
C. Deppiesse..** 18 6 0.33
M. McCormick.^^^ 7 2 0.29
J. Cahalane**** 40 11 0.28
K. Decker**** 41 11 0.27
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 21 4 0.19
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 40 2 0.05

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 34 44 1.29
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:1b758cd045]

Audioslavia

29-11-2003, 20:17

Lanky Dude 5 Total n Utter Insanity 1

this.. *wipes tear from my eye* is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen....

*bathes in a luxurious mixture of irony, schadenfreud, more irony, poeticness, even more irony, and ammunition* :D

'Slavia Deck Svecia
'slaves scrape a 2-1 win away from home

Audioslavia beat a Svecia side that still seems to be in their 'transitional' period. The ex-superpowers went behind early on after their lax defending let striker Willow get the ball on his favorite right-foot to drive the 'slaves into a one-goal lead. Svecia fought back and had most of the possesion by the end of the half, however, with the svecian forwards not being as sharp or as deadly as their predeccesors from earlier world cups, plenty of chances went amiss, including two one-on-one situations which were collected by Pedder.

The second half saw the 'slaves put another notch on the scoreboard, with Willow again getting on the scoresheet after some neat play by Lever on the wing put him through for number two.

Again the svecians hit back, having a raking shot pushed onto the post by Pedder and another one shave the topside of the bar. A period of pressure by Svecia finally earned them a goal as full-back Wilton lost out in a race for a loose ball, which was duly chipped into the box and headed past Pedder for 2-1.

The game looked poised for an exciting showdown, but unfortunately Svecia's new line up just never seemed as dangerous as the Svecians of old, and Audioslavia's trademark defensive 'wall' kept out the home side until the final whistle.

Final score:

Svecia 1 (some dude, 63)

Audioslavia 2 (Willow, 19, 52)

Ravenspire

29-11-2003, 21:02

A Flying Start

Sargard, Ravenspire -- The Ravenspire national football team began their bid for the tenth World Cup today by defeating the visiting Dragonian Empire. Two goals by star striker Kaede Kitsuki in the second half propelled the Ravens to a 3-1 victory.

The Dragonians struck first, early in the match, surprising an unusually-lax Ravenspire defense and slipping a goal past keeper Autumn Mistmarch, into the lower left of the net. The Ravens quickly pulled together, however, denying several more attempts, and striker Hikari Kitsu, making her debut as a starter after substituting for Arawn Frost during World Cup 9, sank a 15-meter goal near the end of the half to equalize the score.

From that point, it was Kitsuki who took the offensive, leading half a dozen forays onto the Dragonian side of the pitch. Initially, the Ravens were turned away, but later in the period, two of these attacks provided goals, assisted by Amara Akizuki and newcomer David Spencer, respectively.

Goals:
The Dragonian Empire: (some guy) 12
Ravenspire: Hikari Kitsu 42; Kaede Kitsuki 74, 81

Iansisle

29-11-2003, 21:09

From page 2D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Ians Falter in First Match!
National Football team falls 0-1 to nefarious Defari; Coach Lord Riveran says he’s ‘pleased’ with the effort.

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- Across the Commonwealth, odds-makers and bookies are hastily revising their tactics. Original odds had the Ians losing every game at 3-2, the Ians never scoring a game at 3-1, and the chances of at least one player storming off the field at even money.

However, the resolute teams played one of the best games in Iansislean football history, fighting Defari - one of the top teams in their group - nearly to a scoreless draw and causing much panic throughout the Commonwealth’s prodigious gambling industry. The fact that a Defari striker booted one just past a diving Benny Answorth late in the game did not do much to dull the team’s suddenly high spirits, nor did it cause them to keep out of their stash of spirits! Immediately after the final second ticked off, the team rushed off the field, slightly more elated than their more experienced (and victorious) opponents.

Coach Lord Riveran seemed concerned that his team was getting trashed the day before an away match at the top ranked team in their group, but there was really little he could do to contain the exuberance. “Certainly,” he commented at the after-match party, “I’m proud of my boys and the job they almost did out there. However, I must also admit that I’m a little worried by this...this outlandish behavior. Heavens, you’d almost think they were Imitoran or something with these despicable shenanigans!”

“We didn’t lose that bad!” exclaimed goalkeeper Answorth, his normally stringy hair matted down with cheap Tharian beer, before grabbing another can and downing it in seven seconds flat.

“I’d just like to ded...ded-it-id-i-cate this near-victory to all our boys out there,” added striker Leonard Flaherty, swinging an half-empty bottle of fine Foothills wine about while leaning on the shoulder of a teammate. “I hope they can draw ins...in-is-purse-e-ation-is from our glo...glor-ee-t-ishiou not-quite-a-triumph.”

J.C.P.

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:16

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Wonderteam win!
Irrevilentsdom defeated before their home crowd

By Bill Christmas

IRREVILENTSDOM (BT) -- The Oglethorpian Wonderteam rolled into town, playing Irrevilentsdom to their home crowd; and defeated them a sound 2-nil, Torrence Black coming up with the winning goals.

Irrevilentsdom got a lucky break early on in the game, with a free kick on keeper Ken'Ichi Yamamoto; but the goalie came up with a fine save, and only a short while later Torrence Black converted Kirk Calhoun's cross from the left-hand side of the field.

Oglethorpia 1 - 0 Irrevilentsdom in the 19th minute.

It was not until the second half, in the 60th that Torrence Black would cross another one in from outside the goalie box; a fine shot to put the Wonderteam up 2-nil.

And that's how the match would end; 2-nil, the Wonderteam over newcomers Irrevilentsdom.

"It's good to get a win when you're the visiting squad," commented team captain Fernando Green. "It was also a good game for new defender Lou Oswald; he had a good game for us."

Said Oswald, "i'm just glad to have not made any costly mistakes."

Torrence Black was most predictable. "I kicked a moderate amount of ass today."

OGLETHORPIA 2 (Torrence Black 19, 62)
IRREVILENTSDOM 0

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:20

Oh, and this, for convinience.

If you double/triple/quadruple post, don't delete your posts!

It messes up the forum pages and when they're going slow, it's really a pain to have to go back and go to the page before the one you were looking at.

Bedistan

29-11-2003, 21:33

BSTV Sports Today
with Sam Murphy and Joey Stanton

Sam: Welcome, folks, and it's a pleasure to see you again here on BSTV Sports Today, isn't it, Joey?

Joey: Most definitely.

Sam: Alrighty, Joe, how'd we do in our first qualifying match?

Joey: Don't know. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Sam: Tomorrow? Why?

Joey: Because we don't play till tomorrow. We had a bye, remember?

Sam: We did?

Joey: Yeah.

Sam: Oh. *long pause* Well, how did the rest of the group do?

Joey: Well, WC4 champions Dennisov shut the Dark Outcasts out 2-0. Promising newcomers New Montreal States fell to SterlingIce 1-0. Kamakaza and Kerla played to a scoreless draw, and LordSquall took a 1-0 victory over Oilermania.

Sam: So how's the group looking?

Joey: Like this.

[code:1:8914c9c5a8]Group 7 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Dennisov 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
SterlingIce 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
LordSquall 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Kamakaza 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Kerla 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Bedistan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
New Montreal States 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Oilermania 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Dark Outcasts 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0[/code:1:8914c9c5a8]

Sam: I see.

Joey: So, since we have nothing else to say, we'll see you next time on BSTV Sports Today!

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:38

Double post.

Stupid forums.

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:40

Triple post.

Stupid forums.

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:41

Quadruple post.

Stupid forums.

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 21:42

[b]World Cup Watch

Ray McHale: Hey folks, we're down here in Irrevilentsdom and we've seen the conclusion of Oglethorpia vs. Irrevilentsdom. Eduardo, give us some opening comments.

Eduardo Escobar: No.

Ray McHale: Fine. We've seen the Wonderteam walk away with a 2-nil victory; here's how group five shakes out after the conclusion of qualifying matchday 1.

[code:1:da92dd1922]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

Side P W D L GF GA GD Pts
NASTIC 2 (60) 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Oglethorpia (5) 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Rejistania (38) 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Grigala 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Nikea (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Haraki (15) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Senoj 1 0 0 1 0 3 -1 0
SPARTEN 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Irrevilentsdom 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

[/code:1:da92dd1922]

Mike White: So, we've got the Wonderteam sitting in second after matchday one; a fine opening to qualifying.

Eduardo: Well Mike, you've got to remember; Oglethorpia's got 15 more matches to play. Group five could look very different come conclusion of matchday 18.

Mike: Of course. But you've got to remember, the Oglethorpian Wonderteam is the highest seeded team in qualifying.

Ray: That's right, Oglethorpia should do just fine through the qualifiers. Let's take a look at the matches of group 5 that took place today.

[code:1:da92dd1922]
Group 5
Matchday 1

Grigala 1 - 0 Haraki
NASTIC 2 3 - 0 Senoj
SPARTEN 1 - 2 Rejistania
Irrevilentsdom 0 - 2 Oglethorpia

Nikea BYE

[/code:1:da92dd1922]

Mike: NASTIC scored 23 goals?

Eduardo: So it would seem.

Ray: Uh...no. The name of the country is "NASTIC 2." And they scored three goals.

Mike: That's going to be confusing.

Ray: I'll say.

Eduardo: Nikea had their first bye matchday today-

Mike: There's a tongue twister.

Eduardo: Anyways- Nikea won't be able to open up their qualifying bid until tomorrow, and we'll see if they'll be able to preform in their first World Cup X qualifying match.

Ray: We will; but they're the third highest seed in group 5, which means the bookies will be kind to Nikea in the oddsmaking.

Eduardo: Aye.

Ray: And that's going to be all the time we have; good night to all you Oglethorpian football fans out there. From Irrevilentsdom, i'm Ray McHale. For Eduardo Escobar and Mike White, good night folks.

The Belmore Family

29-11-2003, 21:53

OOC: 5-1 Yeah! Go LD!

http://www.abelmore.com/TDB.JPG
TBF WIN IN GESMANTESWERK

TBF have got their qualifying campain off to a great start after a 3-1 win. It was Alan Belmore that opened the scoring from a free kick beautifully curled around the kepper with the upmost majisty. TBF added a second after 37 minutes from Dungate who got in the right place under a perfect corner from Goshawkto make it 2-0. Gestamkuntswerk came back from their number 8 after 56 minutes but Alan Belmore put the match beyond doubt after 79 minutes after bustling into the box and blasting the ball into the goal.

FIANAL SCORE

GESAMKUNTSWERK 1
number 8 (59)

THE BELMORE FAMILY
Alan Belmore (18, 79) Alex Dungate (37)

Rejistania

29-11-2003, 22:11

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/KaMaRiUpdate.gif.txt

Orange-Blues started with a victory
Chaos broke out in the entire country as the Orange-Blues won their first game of the World Cup 10 in and against SPARTEN 2-1. Streets in every city, town or village were filled with celebrating people and the Rejistanian stock exchange had to close two hours earlier, because nearly every broker joined the celebration of the victory. Coach Imdila'he did not consider this victory a reason to celebrate. His comment was: "We are no minnows anymore! The times when 7 teams in the group are equally or higher ranked are definatly over!"

The match started fast, as the SPARTENians attacked furiously. The Rejistanians prefered a defensive strategy, since a loss against an out-of-nowhere-team would be seen as big disgrace. Most of the SPARTENs attacked ended in the rejistanian midfield. Ji Raliu, who played his first match as a part of the starting formation was one of the remarkeable players in the beginning. but as always, the Rejistanian waited for good chances for counters and challenged the SPARTENian goalie several times. Syku Lyku archieved the first goal in the 17th minute in one of this counters: Xeseja Su shot the ball to the goal, the goalie reached it, but could not hold the ball, it bounced of in the direction of SyLy, who took his chance and archieved he first rejistanian goal in this world cup. The first half ended 1-0 despite countless efforts from both sides to change it.

The second half started with a shock: SPARTEN archieved the equaliser just seconds after the beginning. Goalie Syku Hexen hadn't even the chance to look surprised, as the hard shot hit the net. The score was 1-1. The Rejistanians were shocked but did not lose their minds and did not change their tactics. As time passed, you could see, that the SPARTENs got tired and that gave the rejistanian forwards excellent chances. In the 78th minute, Su'he and SyLy outsmarted the SPARTENian defense and Su'he archeived the 2-1. Score didn't change anymore in this match.

The newspaper "The Sikenian Daily" will face a lawsuit after a reporter had managed to get into the RejistaniaFA and was able to copy the commented schedule of Imdila'he. A reporter of this newspaper considered this "totally exaggurated". We think it is a good decision!

The final score:
SPARTEN 1 (<player> 46th)
Rejistania 2 (Lyku 17th, Su 78th)

Rejistanian top-scorers in the world cup:
Lyku: 1
Su: 1

Usania

29-11-2003, 22:27

The USAnian information minister George W. Bush speaks:

Comrades, I am glad toannounce, that we have not lost against Jaurania. If the WCC considers this match a loss, than only because the WCC and the referee were all corrupted by a bad ideology! I say again: This match was not lost! We were fighting honestly and fair against a team, which fouls were not punished and which scored the goal clearly from an offside position. So even if the WCC considers this game a loss and don't awards us one single point for it, we can declare to be the moral winners!

Thanks for your attention, hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

NASTIC 2

29-11-2003, 22:41

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 1

The Nastic nation rejoices today as we win our first game in world cup X and are sat at the top of our group. We also look forwards to playing Haraki again who we played in qualifying for world cup IX.

Qualifying Group 5:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic v Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic v Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom v Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic v Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN v Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania v Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki v Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj v Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala v Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea v Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:b1823e31cf]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

P W D L F A Pts
Nastic (60) 1 1 0 0 3 0 3
Oglethorpia (5) 1 1 0 0 2 0 3
Rejistania (38) 1 1 0 0 2 1 3
Grigala 1 1 0 0 1 0 3
Nikea (31) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Haraki (15) 1 0 0 1 0 1 0
Senoj 1 0 0 1 0 3 0
SPARTEN 1 0 0 1 1 2 0
Irrevilentsdom 1 0 0 1 0 2 0

[/code:1:b1823e31cf]

Snub Nose 38

29-11-2003, 22:54

Scuttlebutt - Evening Edition

Snub Nose Starts Strong
38 Special Stadium, Sten Remington Grey

The first of the Qualifying Matches for World Cup 10 were played 'round the world earlier to day. The Snub Nose 38 National Football side, the Hooligans, started out strong. Playing at home against newcomer Larkinia, the Hooligans scored twice in each half (17th Knuckles, 38th Buster, 55th Malicious, 81st Knuckles), with a strong attacking game and a sturdy defense that allowed only one goal by Larkinia late in the second half (Player, 74th). The Larkinians showed spirit, and skill, but were no match for the 6th ranked Hooligans.

"This is exactly what we have to do," commented Sal Manela, Hooligans Manager, "When we play the sides with little or no international experience, we have to bring home three points. Else, the other sides in Group 1 with a good deal of experience at this level will roll over us."

"Ve hat strong match today," said Ivan Tabytcha, Defensive Coach. "Guut defenze, it make guut offenze more easy."

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders also made an appearance at 38 Special Stadium today during half time. Their "cheer" went something like this:

"Snub Nose Hooligans, Hip Hooray!
Gonna beat them Larkies here today!
Hooligans Yeah! Hooligans Hurrah!
Snub Nose Hooligans gonna go far!
Play against Larks? - little birdies? - Har Har!"

At which point the stands literally exploded with ripe (and over-ripe) vegetables and fruit of all sizes and descriptions. This reporter is sure he even saw a small goat in the mix, but could not find it later. The Cheerleaders beat a hasty retreat, and the second half was delayed 10 minutes while stadium staff scraped up and hauled away what later weighed in at 3.5 tons of rotting vegetation.

All sides in Group 1 have now played one match, save The Weegies who had a bye. The Group standings look like this.

[code:1:1b1b970d3a]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 1 1 0 0 4 1 3 3
3 Arridia (20) 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
6 Sensual Products (63) 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
8 Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
9 The Weegies (50) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
5 A nation 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
4 East Spaam (33) 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
2 Larkinia 1 0 0 1 1 4 -3 0[/code:1:1b1b970d3a]

At this time, team rosters for only four of the Group One sides have been published and distributed: Arridia, The Weegies, Cockbill Street, and Snub Nose 38. Copies of the rosters can be found here.

World Cup 10 Rosters Here (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=91439&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0)

NASTIC 2

29-11-2003, 23:07

If I may be so bold can you please drop the 2 from my name as I am Nastic and Nastic 2 and Nastic 2 makes the scores look funny,

Like ive won 2 3-0 as stated in a previous post.

I thank you.

Oglethorpia

29-11-2003, 23:11

[b]World Cup Watch

Ray McHale: Hey folks, we're down here in Irrevilentsdom and we've seen the conclusion of Oglethorpia vs. Irrevilentsdom. Eduardo, give us some opening comments.

...

[code:1:c6b742e93b]
Group 5
Matchday 1

...

NASTIC 2 3 - 0 Senoj

[/code:1:c6b742e93b]

Mike: NASTIC scored 23 goals?

Eduardo: So it would seem.

Ray: Uh...no. The name of the country is "NASTIC 2." And they scored three goals.

Mike: That's going to be confusing.

Ray: I'll say.

...

OOC:

No kidding, Nastic. But I caught it before you :wink:

imported_Nikea

29-11-2003, 23:26

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Victorious on Matchday One
Starters Top Substitutes
by Markenin Markenel

LOSENAS(NP) - The Pandas were victorious today in a 4-2 win on the pitch at Losenas Field in Losenas. However, it was just a scrimmage with the substitutes as Nikea had a bye today.

Goals came from Istertel, who had 2, Mersentel, and new starter Aserin Nistriel; the substitutes got markers from Midorin Torendel and Ekserin Pilseniuene, in a match that was described by the players as "very fun".

The Pandas are in Losenas in preparation of their first qualifying match with visiting SPARTEN on the next matchday.

Group 5 results today saw Oglethorpia handle Irreliventsdom 2-0, Rejistania defeated SPARTEN 2-1, Nastic defeated Senoj by either a score of 3-0 or 23-0, we aren't quite sure as of now, and Grigala upset Haraki 1-0.

Total n Utter Insanity

29-11-2003, 23:31

As war kicked off in Total n Utter Insanity all the major arteries out of the country were cut off. This left the Total n Utter Insanity team in somewhat of a pickle as they had to play their opening world cup qualifying match in lanky dude. 15 minutes before kickoff only 5 members of the 23 man squad had turned up and the manager was getting desperate. In a bold move he recruited some TnUI fans from around the stadium into the team. Needless to say the match didn’t get off to a good start with lanky dude scoring 3 times in the first half as TnUI fan Max Barry substituted in goal. In the second half TnUI forward Matt Lucas arrived and was immediately brought on. He managed to score a diving header in the 68th minute, but it wasn’t enough as lanky dude went on to score 2 more before the final whistle.

Antaeus Rising

29-11-2003, 23:41

Newcomer Andy Surich managed an impressive hat trick today against unknown quantity The most holy Kesler. People have remarked on how similar he looks to Andrew Zurich, the famous Europa Brittania Striker, now in his late 90s. Team Manager Patty Joel dismissed any claims of a secret government funded program to clone the aging star.

Kingsford

30-11-2003, 00:05

Kingsford National Sits at Home!
During Bye Week, Hilarity Ensues

The Kingsford National sat in the clubhouse of National Stadium in Kingsford City all day yesterday watching TV. Many good qualifying matches were on yesterday, and Kingsford programming covered all of it.

Channel 1
Keyshona @ Eauz
Social Cleavage @ Kaze Progressa
Halfassedstates @ Commerce Heights

Channel 3
Svecia @ Audioslavia
Gesamtkuntswerk @ The Belmore Family
Scaraba @ Deadman

Channel 5
Kumba ya @ Spaam
Anti-Nazis @ Big Butts
Canadian Power Trip @ Bubsy

Channel 7 (The Athletic Review)
Lemmitania @ Tanah Burung
Irrevilentsdom @ Oglethorpia
Microbrits @ Europa Brittania

Channel 9
Lanky Dude @ Total n Utter INsanity
Akbarland @ Liverpool England
Ravenspire @ The Dragonian Empire

Kingsford Today Correspondent Nick Lavalais (brother to the Governor of Athletics) was allowed to watch the games with the team.

"Lanky Dude over Total n Utter Insanity? That George Michael's gotten to their heads. I mean, Lanky Dude is a nation of people who can't talk, write, type, or think for themselves. The only way they're entered is through The Belmore Family tugging on their strings." remarked LD Brian Axacoa. Harry Stumms, a reserve NRM, had this to say about the Oglethorpia Irrevilentsdom game: "OWNED!"

Overall, 5 TVs were used and 19 pizzas were consumed. Good times happened, said Star RF Desypar. "I mean, it's like, I sit around complaining about how people play! I feel like the Anti Nazi's offense last cup, or the entire nation of Lemmitania."

"We got to see the rest of the Group 6 Competition" said keeper Mark Talisman. "All I can say is... wow."

The greatest part was the pizza delivery economy improved. A good day for Kingsford.

The Athletic Review has also adopted an unofficial slogan for the black-clad Kingsford National: "Bye-Week Happens."

30-11-2003, 01:51

Crash and Burn?

The Ice Paladins dropped their first ever international game 1-0 in WCX qualifiers at SterlingIce.

61th ranked SterlingIce scored early on and that was it for the game. Goaltender Joesph Pepin commented: "I was really shook up early on. I was able to get my composure back after that goal but it was too late for us..."

Defender Jean-Luc Picard said: "Hopefully this will serve as a wake-up call to us. Sterling was extremely tough, but we just weren't on their level tonight."

Co-Captain Fabrice Austin had a open shot but dinged it off the crossbar. "Yeah, that really sucked, missing that shot," he said. "But we all have to move on. We have what, 15 more games? We can't afford to get all caught up in regrets here."

That thought was echoed by Head Coach Luc de Fabre. "We need to button down and move on. Tomorrow is a new day, a new game. We can't let this get to us or we'll never get anywhere."

The next game will be against unranked Kerla at Kerla. It will be televised on NMSN and 67Sports, check your local listing for times.

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 02:19

Second-Ranks Win Home Game

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND 2 [Dussis 1st, Blackmore 89th]
AKBARLAND 0

Today the WC8 Champions kept a good run of results (W-W-W-L-W-L) over Akbarland, who they saw off 2-0 in Orean. Paul Dussis, in his second-to-last World Cup, scored in the first minute while upcoming talent Steven Blackmore finished off the win in the last minute with a direct free kick which curled past the goalkeeper.

Meanwhile, Halfassedstates and Total n Utter Insanity were both shocked, 2-0 at home to Commerce Heights and 5-1 away to Lanky Dude (:D, :P) respectively. It is expected for TnUI not to qualify.

Oglethorpia

30-11-2003, 02:22

Football analyst Butch Wilham on...

LIVERPOOL ENGLISH MATCH REPORTS

"What? After matchday one, they're already making predictions on who is and isn't going to make it into the Cup? There are 15 matchdays left, for crissakes."

30-11-2003, 02:35

After a depressing 4-0 loss to Oddslavo, Sliponia has announced the full World Cup schedule:

[code:1:92f9c1ff40]
Day 01: @ Oddslavo
Day 02: BYE
Day 03: BIG BUTTS
Day 04: @ Defari
Day 05: @ Squornshelous
Day 06: AQUILLA
Day 07: @ Iansisle
Day 08: OREO COOKIE
Day 09: ANTI-NAZIS
Day 10: ODDSLAVO
Day 11: BYE
Day 12: @ Big Butts
Day 13: DEFARI
Day 14: SQUORNSHELOUS
Day 15: @ Aquilla
Day 16: IANSISLE
Day 17: @ Oreo Cookie
Day 18: @ Anti-Nazis
[/code:1:92f9c1ff40]

[code:1:92f9c1ff40]
RESULTS:
Day 01: @ Oddslavo L 0-4
Day 02: BYE
Day 03: BIG BUTTS
Day 04: @ Defari
Day 05: @ Squornshelous
Day 06: AQUILLA
Day 07: @ Iansisle
Day 08: OREO COOKIE
Day 09: ANTI-NAZIS
Day 10: ODDSLAVO
Day 11: BYE
Day 12: @ Big Butts
Day 13: DEFARI
Day 14: SQUORNSHELOUS
Day 15: @ Aquilla
Day 16: IANSISLE
Day 17: @ Oreo Cookie
Day 18: @ Anti-Nazis
[/code:1:92f9c1ff40]

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 02:47

Oddslavo Reserve Team Win 4-0
Today, the former LE colony of Oddslavo beat Sliponia amazingly 4-0. Frank Tordor grabbed a hat trick withing 7 minutes of the second half kickoff, and Greglous Jannauskapoulos finished the rout four minutes from time.
Oddslavo 4 (Tordor 46th/48th/52nd, Jannauskapoulos 86th)
Sliponia 0

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 02:56

Qualifying Group 9:
Akbarland (51)
Liverpool England (2)
Halfassedstates (19)
Commerce Heights (23)
Pavesia
EL CID THE HERO
Morawny ( 58 )
Kravoli (81)
The Arrivian Alliance

Matchday 1
(A) Akbarland [W2-0/Dussis/Blackmore]

Matchday 2
(H) Morawny

Matchday 3
(A) Pavesia

Matchday 4
(H) Kravoli

Matchday 5
(a) Commerce Heights

Matchday 6
(H) EL CID THE HERO

Matchday 7
(A) The Arrivian Alliance

Matchday 8
(Bye)

Matchday 9
(H) Halfassedstates

CORRECTION
IN OUR PREVIOUS MATCH REPORT, WE STATED THE SECOND RANKS HAD WON THEIR HOME GAME IN OREAN. THIS IS INCORRECT, IT WAS AN AWAY GAME. WE APOOLOGISE FOR THE ERROR.

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 02:57

THIS IS NOT A DOUBLE POST. REMEMBER, THERE ARE NO DOUBLE POSTS IN THE WORLD CUP.

30-11-2003, 02:58

Aquilla

30-11-2003, 03:40

Greetings from KCHR. Aquilla did not play a match today. But there is other news. Lanky Dude, our former challengers, beat World Cup Founder (i think?) 5-1 embarrassingly. Grigala won their match 1-0 and Commerce Heights their match 2-0. Kaze Progressa scored the only goal in their group. The Belmore Fambly defeated Gesumt, Gesant, WHATEVER it's called, 3-1; Lemmitania defeated Tanah Burung 2-0. Experiments on evisceratomatoes are going quite nicely; we have successfully expanded one to the size of a zeppelin. Now what were Eaglet's scores?...Oh yes, Eaglet in a lowdown act of treachery was evicted from the cup. The Sports Directors of Morawny and Giant Zucchini have been indicted and are expected to appear in Aquillan court in three days. Otherwise they're automatically guilty.

Eauz

30-11-2003, 03:41

Zuka (Eauz) -- Les Bleus gained one point in yesterdays match against Keyshona ( 48 ). Both teams showed equal ability, and the defence for both sides played a great part in the tie at home. The next match will be at Kumba ya, where Les Bleus hope to capitalise on the opprotunity to win against a NON ranked team. The coach was asked about this, and quoted: "We better win these games, these are against non-ranked teams, and we have had A LOT of experience in the World Cup qualifying. I Hope we can make it past the qualifying round, but if we don't, we better at least make a good run for it." When asked about the first game, he said: "We are better then a 0-0 tie, but I am happy with the defence. Though, I was disapointed that we didn't come out of this first game with 2 points."

Kingsford

30-11-2003, 04:33

(from the diary of George Michael)

http://www.wmmx.com/george%20michael.jpg
You Gotta Have... Faith?

After that last loss, I officially quit. I'm tired of being the TnUI World Cup Mascot. Even with the great pay and the unlimited access to chocolate syrup and honey, it's not worth it. I quit. I'm gonna go to Liverpool England. They'll appriciate me there. And, they not only have chocolate syrup and honey, that's where the Village People live. Yeow!

Peace, Love, and Rock & Roll,

-George Michael

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 04:34

Lanky Dude, our former challengers, beat World Cup Founder (i think?) 5-1 embarrassingly.

OOC: Negative; Ariddia founded the World Cup and hosted the first one.

Commerce Heights

30-11-2003, 04:35

Kingsford

30-11-2003, 04:50

Greg Shelley of the Athletic Review released this statement around 4 minutes ago:

"I've devised some good nickname suggestions (ie Bedistan Lions, Eauz Les Bleus, etc.) for some of the teams participating in the world cup:

Aquilla: Piss and Moan FC
Liverpool England: The Prejudgemental Posers
Snub Nose 38: The Goat Tossers
Lanky Dude: The Belmorian Puppets
Oddslavo: The people who can't post for themselves

As more nations do things that amuse me, I'll create names for them. I would like to state that these nations will bear these mascots for the remainder of the cup, atleast on the Athletic Review. We encourage all other international broadcasts to do the same."

Kerla

30-11-2003, 05:18

This is KNN (Kerlan News Network)

Today the schedule for the World Cup soccer team was announced today by the assistant director of internal affairs for sports and recreation. There are massive parties in Kerla hoping that the team will do good and shock the world and win the Cup.

The schedule is of follows.

1. Kamakaza (away)
2. New Montreal States (home)
3. LordSquall (away)
4. Bye
5. Dark Outcasts (away)
6. Dennisov (away)
7. Oilermania (home)
8. SterlingIce (home)
9. Bedistan (home)
10. Kamakaza (home)
11. New Montreal States (away)
12. LordSquall (home)
13. bye
14. Dark Outcasts (home)
15. Dennisov (home)
16. Oilermania (away)
17. SterlingIce (away)
18. Bedistan (away)

Everybody hopes that they do good. KNN will be rooting for the team.

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 06:06

OOC: Woohoo, someone else in my group! Perhaps my pre-Cup pessimism was unfounded after all... ;)

The Belmore Family

30-11-2003, 11:38

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 11:38

LIVERPOOL ENGLAND SLIP TO SECOND IN GROUP WITH 1-1 DRAW AT HOME

Matchday 1
(A) Akbarland [W2-0/Dussis/Blackmore]

Matchday 2
(H) Morawny (Orean) [D1-1/Cannon]

Matchday 3
(A) Pavesia

Matchday 4
(H) Kravoli

Matchday 5
(a) Commerce Heights

Matchday 6
(H) EL CID THE HERO

Matchday 7
(A) The Arrivian Alliance

Matchday 8
(Bye)

Matchday 9
(H) Halfassedstates

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 11:40

Spaam

30-11-2003, 11:41

Don't worry.... just ignore TBF.
The only player that could do 6 cups is Urk.

Liverpool England

30-11-2003, 11:42

I'm trying to set up a World Cup Records list so feel free to add your info here.

Most Goals
87 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family]

We'll see about that. Spaam, what's your tally?

The Belmore Family

30-11-2003, 11:48

I'm trying to set up a World Cup Records list so feel free to add your info here.

Most Cups
6 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Alex Dungate [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Thomas Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Jonathan Goshawk
5 Laurence Wellden [The Belmore Family] (WC6-WC10)

Six cups? That's a whopping 24 years. Impossible.
youngest age I see possible: 17
17 + 24 = 41 years old...

EDIT:
Paul Dussis 5 cups (WC 6 - 10)
Alan started when he was 16 if I remember exactly with 3 other team mates who passed through the Alan City Football Acadamy. All of them are retiring at the end of this cup. Alan to manage TBF, Tom to manage Alan City, Alex to manage Dorminian Rovers and John to become passing coach at Faci F.C. Also I am thinking about killing off Wellden.

Rejistania

30-11-2003, 13:27

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/KaMaRiUpdate.gif.txt

Unlucky draw for the Orange-Blues
The Orange-Blues have archieved a draw in their first home game in the World Cup X. It was merely bad luck, that this game was not a victory, since a goal by Lyku'he did not count, due to a controversal offside position of Susu'he.

The whole game was dominated by the Orange-Blues, despite this fact, the fans had to wait 40 minutes untill the lead was archieved. A corner shot by Takil'he was shot in SyLy's direction and SyLy shot a beautiful header unreachable for the Senojian goalie. In the second half, the senojians started aggressive. Defender Sen Ajil fouled a Senojian forward in the 57th minute. Ajil'he saw the yellow card and the Senojians got a free-kick. A Senojians player shot and archieved the equaliser. In the 70th minute, the controversal goal by SyLy happened in a counter, which was not counted by the referee. Substitute defender Ila Iles said later: "I normally don't make remarks about referees and won't change this habbit because of this big blind <censored>!"The last word could not be printed, since children also may read this article.

The result:
Rejistania 1 (Lyku 40th)
Senoj 1 (<player> 57th)

Rejistanian top-scorers during WC10:
Lyku: 2
Su: 1

Spaam

30-11-2003, 13:51

I'm trying to set up a World Cup Records list so feel free to add your info here.

Most Goals
87 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family]

We'll see about that. Spaam, what's your tally?

Way less. Less than 50 anyway (for Méla Sëhelin).
Thing is, this is godmodding, and so TBF should be ignored in that respect.
No player scores more than 60% of goals for a team, let alone 90%.
And noone does is for 24 years either.
So basically, TBF is full of it.

Rejistania

30-11-2003, 13:57

Way less. Less than 50 anyway (for Méla Sëhelin).
Thing is, this is godmodding, and so TBF should be ignored in that respect.
No player scores more than 60% of goals for a team, let alone 90%.
And noone does is for 24 years either.
So basically, TBF is full of it.

But 41% is still realistic? SyLy scored 41% of all rejistanian goals. (I thought it would be better for RPing if one great player is in the team.)

NASTIC 2

30-11-2003, 14:02

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 2

The Nastic national team has now won two out of two games and has one of the best offensive records in World Cup X,Gaining 6 points out of 6.

And after two games they have nearly as many points gained in the whole of the qualifying tournament for World cup IX,We can only put this down to our new training methods but long may our success continue.

Of course this will all come crashing to a halt when we meet our next opponants the mighty Nikea who are ranked 29 places above Nastic in the world rankings.

Qualifying Group 5:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic 2-1 Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic v Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom v Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic v Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN v Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania v Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki v Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj v Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala v Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea v Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:98807f3778]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

P W D L F A Pts
Nastic (60) 2 2 0 0 5 1 6
Rejistania (38) 2 1 1 0 3 2 4
Nikea (31) 1 1 0 0 2 0 3
Oglethorpia (5) 1 1 0 0 2 0 3
Grigala 2 1 0 1 2 2 3
Haraki (15) 2 0 1 1 1 2 1
Irrevilentsdom 2 0 1 1 1 3 1
Senoj 2 0 1 1 1 4 1
SPARTEN 2 0 0 2 1 4 0
[/code:1:98807f3778]

Snub Nose 38

30-11-2003, 14:15

I'm trying to set up a World Cup Records list so feel free to add your info here.

Most Cups
6 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Alex Dungate [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Thomas Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Jonathan Goshawk
5 Laurence Wellden [The Belmore Family] (WC6-WC10)

Six cups? That's a whopping 24 years. Impossible.
youngest age I see possible: 17
17 + 24 = 41 years old...

EDIT:
Paul Dussis 5 cups (WC 6 - 10)

1. LE - not impossible. First, the span between 2 WCs is 4 years. Between 3 is 8 years, 4 is 12, 5 is 16, and the span between 6 WCs is 20 years. Second, Pele played in his first WC (and won) at 15 (I think Mia Hamm plated at 15 too). So, 15 +20 = 35. That's possible, although improbable.
2. TBF - I think you should start a separate thread for this. It's a good idea to have this historical data, but like rosters, results, and ranks it will clutter the RP thread. Maybe a World Cup Hall of Fame thread?

Spaam

30-11-2003, 14:18

30-11-2003, 14:24

From the J-Sport Daily:

...THEN WE WOKE UP

Jaurania's dream of a sensational defeat of world champions Europa Brittania fell to a grinding halt as they collapsed 4-0.

The Brittanians put on a wonderous display, dazzling the Jauranians with speed and finesse. Two goals in each half left goalkeeper Ritez Futin with little or no chance of maintaining dignity. The Jauranians did provide some pressure former Kaze Progressa striker Vav Cawyy hitting the bar in first-half injury time, but ultimately this was the walkover that most predicted.

Meanwhile, it has been estimated the euphoria surrounding the team's victory over USAnia has provided an economic boost of 3m kaks (US$1.3m) owing to extra sales of alcohol (banned in Kaze Progressa) and football nets for children.

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 14:31

At the risk of being accused of godmodding myself... :shock:

Most Cups
6 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Alex Dungate [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Thomas Belmore [The Belmore Family] (WC5-WC10)
Jonathan Goshawk
5 Laurence Wellden [The Belmore Family] (WC6-WC10)
Paul Dussis [Liverpool England] (WC6-WC10)

6: Chuck Mitchell [Bedistan] (WC5-WC10)
Started at age 17 training for our first international competitions in hope of making it to Tanah Burung, which we did by the skin of our teeth. 22 years is quite a while to be playing in the WC, admittedly, but to be fair, he's been on the second string most of the time -- Olivia Bream started from WC5-WC8, then Mitchell started the first few qualifiers of WC9 before Oldenburg took over. Almost everyone was certain he would retire after WC9 [including myself, but the random numbers determined otherwise] and they were quite surprised when he didn't. He's about 37 now, and will be 39 come finals time.

Most Finals Games

16 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family]
Alex Dungate [The Belmore Family]
Thomas Belmore [The Belmore Family]

20: Mike Thomas [Bedistan]

Most Goals
87 Alan Belmore [The Belmore Family]

riiiiiiiiight...let's just say my highest is 33.

*hoping he hasn't just made a big mistake...*

Kaze Progressa

30-11-2003, 15:05

(OOC: I haven't counted, but Faiwe Irafma must've scored >60% of KP goals... I'll start counting for this Cup)

IC: From the Kangaroo:

DOUBLE DELIGHT AS PROGRESSANS STAY TOP

Kaze Progressa stayed on top of Group 6 with a 2-0 defeat of Dead Man.

The phoenix nation were outplayed from the kickoff and it was no surprise when the Progressans took the lead on just eight minutes, a blazing run from Raq Failez along the right creating room for a cross easily nodded home by Ekazen Waulino, back from injury. Constant pressure thereafter was somehow ineffective, the closest to a goal being Vaiwalo-Mua's overhit cross slamming against the head of a Dead Man defender and catching the outside of the post.

The Progressans finally doubled the lead on 32 minutes with a first, and glorious, international goal for Niaq Lainwiay, volleying home from the edge of the crowded penalty area after a failed clearance from a corner. With a comfortable lead to defend, they coasted the second half, substituting Waulino for debutant left-back Futeri Cotaga who used his electric pace to snuff out several desperate attacks along the right wing.

The Progressans have now dealt with the easy part of their journey to World Cup Ten. Keyshona await in the next match before the Progressans return to the revamped Progressair Stadium for the match with Kingsford. Tickets are now on sale as it was confirmed the construction work on the stadium will be complete in time for the game. Over 60,000 tickets have already been sold, including most of the seats in the new part of the stadium which increases the capacity to around 100,000.

KP team vs Dead Man: Palera; MacKazie, Maurto, Hytaffi; Inhea, Failez, Muqlin, Lainwiay (Mawukal 64), Vaiwalo-Mua; Waulino (Cotaga 45), Irafma (Jaff 64). Goals: Waulino 8, Lainwiay 32.

KP team vs Social Cleavage: Palera; MacKazie, Maurto, Hytaffi; Inhea, Failez, Muqlin (Garjeno 70), Lainwiay, Vaiwalo-Mua; Irafma, Weseydal (Mawukal 70). Goals: Irafma 42.

Cockbill Street

30-11-2003, 15:08

Ankh Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Solid performance gives an easy 1-0 win

A very good performance away yesterday saw the Cockbill Street side ease past Evisceratomatoes with the single goal by substitute Simon Quier.

Quier got up to an excellent cross from promising winger Bjorn Hammerhock in the 78th minute, after he had dribbled past 4 defenders in an excellent solo effort.

Before that, Cockbill Street's strikers had plenty of chances, but they steadfastly refused to find the back of the net in this first ever football international played by the Cockbill Street team.

The midfield was absolutely dominated by our boys, however, and the Tomatoes were never in with a shout.

The C-mail ratings: Rhomb-porphyry 5 - Eversham 4, McAlpine 6, Dolomite 6 (off 67 Golddevourer ) - Petisha 7 (off 60 Axewielder), Hammerhock 7, Granite 8, Olsen 7 - Stronginthearm 5, Brashear 4, Beaver 5 (off 52, Quier 6)

Spaam

30-11-2003, 15:28

OOC: I have a lot of work to do, so I don't really have time to work out a roster and RP for a little while. Much apologies. However, if you're playing East Spaam, and we socre a goal, blame Elmo :P

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 15:48

The Columbia Times

National Stadium Opens on a High Note
Lions win 3-0 over visiting Kamakaza

DENNIS, PA (PNC) -- The first match of World Cup 10 qualifying indicated a remarkable display of talent among the Bedistan Lions -- both the veterans and the newbies.

The 135,000-seat James Parker National Stadium had sold out a good three weeks before the match. Everyone wanted to see the fourth-best team in the world do their stuff -- and stuff they did.

Fernando Sippel opened the scoring very early, when he spontaneously kicked a cross from Claire Briscoe straight at the net. The Kamakaza goalkeeper could only watch as the ball sailed in.

After a little while, Bedistan got possession again and made another run for it. This time it was Darren Morlock with the shot, scoring his fifteenth international goal. Just fifteen minutes in, the home team was ahead 2-0, and the crowd was roaring.

Things settled down after that, and the rest of the first half was fairly quiet. The score remained 2-0 Bedistan at halftime.

Early in the second half, the whole team was surprised when Kamakaza suddenly opened up with a reasonably strong attack. One of the visiting strikers made his way all the way up the field and took a beauty of a shot at the goal -- but Mitchell just got a finger on the ball, and it was enough to deflect it over to the side post and out of harm's way.

Finally, after a foul late in the second half, Briscoe managed to score another for the team on a free kick. After the final whistle, the sellout crowd gave the Lions a standing ovation for their performance. They had kicked off WC10 in style.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Sippel 4, Morlock 14, Briscoe 77)
Kamakaza 0

Thomas Award Points:
Briscoe 3, Sippel 2, Morlock 2, Morgan 1, Marley 1, Sanchez 1, Mitchell 1, Saravia 1

Bedistan Lions:
Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia, [Hockensmith 64] - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock, Lewey [out 64], Sippel

Eauz

30-11-2003, 16:25

Kumba ya -- The coach must have had something amazing to say to these guys, because by the time the team reached Kumba Ya, they seemed excited to get out and play. In the first half, Les Bleus scored 2 goals, in the first 15 min, and then got the 3rd goald in the 63rd min. Now Les Bleus will return back home to face off against Scaraba who is unranked, and have tied their first 2 games, though, if history continues to work as it has been, home games are no more then a loss or a tie. The Coach is going to have to rally them up again, to come out with a victory.

Spaam

30-11-2003, 16:32

Also, note that the new NSWCC site is up:
http://nswcc.tripod.com/

Still got a bunch to do, and if any NSWCC members can do some work and/or need the new password, tell me.

Tanah Burung

30-11-2003, 16:57

DAILY CROCODILE

Tanah Burung faced the toughest start possible in WC10 qualifiers. First, a nervous team played to a 2-0 loss at Lemmitania, a country in which, apparently, the Crocodiles remain unable to win.

Match day two saw the Crocodiles come home to face Busby, the second seed in Group 2. Four years ago, the Crocodiles faced higher-ranked teams in the final games: now they play them in the first two games of each round. "Last time, we wanted to build up a lead in our group and hold it as we went into the tough matches," said Bi Kikere. "This year, we're likely to be playing catch-up."

The Busby game, played at the National Stadium in Ukun Rasikan, was a hard-fought defensive affair. The two sides crashed on each other's defensive walls repeatedly, but Rosa Bibere's ball control skills saw her make a long run that got past Busby defenders midway through the second half. Her pass found an open Taur Matan Ruak, who unleashed one of his trademark hard-and-fast shots to the left corner of the Busby goal to amke the score 1-0. This is a play that the Crocodiles have been practising repeatedly: Bibere making the running and Ruak the hard shot. They are expected to try it repeatedly in qualifying matches.

Final score:
Tanah Burung 1 Busby 0
(Ruak 64)

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 17:15

Spaam

30-11-2003, 17:18

Bedistan

30-11-2003, 17:21

Also, note that the new NSWCC site is up:
http://nswcc.tripod.com/

Still got a bunch to do, and if any NSWCC members can do some work and/or need the new password, tell me.

Looks nice...even if I do have to go into Internet Explorer to view it properly. :P Got the TG...I'll see what I can do with it today (if I ever get out from under this pile of schoolwork...)

If you're saying it doesn't work under Netscape 4, then DUH, you should upgrade dude :P

Don't know about Netscape 4 -- Mozilla Firebird 0.7 is the browser in question. :P

Spaam

30-11-2003, 17:26

30-11-2003, 18:25

Ah, the secret has finally been found. Whenever Timway is ranked in the 40s, qualifying is a breeze. But, when Timway is ranked 5, qualifying is a failure! Eureka!

OOC: I'm finally back from my education-imposed holiday.

Audioslavia

30-11-2003, 18:32

Bury the Dauragon 'Slaver
Striker Wayne Bury nets hat-trick

Audioslavia went top of group 8 today with a confortable 3-0 victory over newcomers Dauragon.

The 'slaves took half an hour to break the deadlock, with Dauragon defending resoloutely and even having the first chance of the game as a free-kick bent round the post. Audioslavia's goal came from a corner which was poorly cleared by the Dauragon defence, letting Shearer strike the ball from the edge of the box. The shot was blocked, but Wayne Bury pounced and swept the ball into the bottom corner for 1-0

The second came just after half-time, as Shearer played a one-two with Harrison and let Willow through. Willow sidestepped the keeper and, under pressure from a panicked defence, layed the ball off for Bury to tap the ball home for 2-0.

The third goal came ten minutes from time, with Bury getting his hat-trick from the penalty spot after full-back Wilton was felled in the box.

Final Score

Audioslavia 3 (Bury, 35, 49, 80 pen)
Dauragon 0

[code:1:59658fe6cd]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Audioslavia (18) 2 2 0 0 5 1 +4 6
Ravenspire (3) 2 2 0 0 6 3 +3 6
Zinkoland (67) 2 1 0 1 3 1 +2 3
Clearwater (80) 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
The Dragonian Empire (57) 2 1 0 1 4 3 +1 3
Dauragons 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
Citta Acqua 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Svecia (22) 2 0 0 2 3 5 -2 0
Davii 2 0 0 2 0 6 -6 0
[/code:1:59658fe6cd]

The result puts the 'slaves top of the group on goal-difference over Ravenspire, who defeated Svecia today. Svecia find themselves bottom after their defeat 3-2 defeat, and the 2-1 defeat to Audioslavia last week.

In other news, the steadily-improving Clearwater defeated Zinkoland 1-0, and The Dragonian Empire had a confortable 3-0 win over bottom side Davii.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

30-11-2003, 19:37

Buried

IUnranked Kerla smashes Paladins

(Kerla) The Ice Paladins went down 2-1 last night to unranked Kerla. With 2 goals scored in early going by the strong Kerlan offensive side, the Ice Paladins seemed like they weren't on the pitch. Foward Henri Tessier, subbing for the injured Johnny Sears scored the Paladin's first ever international goal midway through the second half sparing the Paladins from another disgraceful shutout.

Under order from the coaches none of the players spoke to the press as they made their dismal way back to the hotel. It was undoubtedly a long and dismal plane trip to Dark Outcasts where they will play the 28th-ranked team. If the team doesn't cheer up it looks to be another loss for the Paladins.

Sears to return against Bedistan

Starting foward Johnny Sears injured himself last night before the game as he tripped over a camera wire, brought the camera down on his head and suffered a minor concussion as a result.

Team doctor Michel Autoir said he was sure the talented foward would be available for the crucial "revenge" game against Bedistan in which the team hopes to make Bedistan pay for its flippant remarks about the strength of the draw.

Sears, as well as the rest of the team, has been ordered by head coach Luc de Fabre not to comment on the situation. He will stay in a hospital in Kerla today and will be flown directly to New Montreal tomorrow morning for the game.

Commerce Heights

30-11-2003, 20:17

Bulldogs Toss EL CID THE HERO Aside, Rise To Top Of Group
EL CID THE HERO - Nobody in their right mind would have picked Commerce Heights to be 2-0-0 and not allow any goals, given that both of the games were on the road and the first was against a higher ranked team. But, with the 2-0 win over Halfassedstates behind them, Quigley managed to score two goals against the Bulldogs' second all-caps opponent in history. Vojtilo managed a second straight perfect GK game to leave the new entrants stunned.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Quigley 19, 64)
(UR) EL CID THE HERO 0 - FT
[code:1:0a55d0d72c]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 2 2 0 0 4 0 +4 6
Liverpool England (2) 2 1 1 0 3 1 +2 4
Morawny (58) 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
Pavesia 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
EL CID THE HERO 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Akbarland (51) 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
The Arrivian Alliance 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Kravoli (81) 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Halfassedstates (19) 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0[/code:1:0a55d0d72c]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:0a55d0d72c] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 42 10 13 17 2
Wins 21 3 6 10 2
Draws 8 3 4 1 0
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.3 62.6 81.7 69.3 84.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.0 gpg
Goal Differential +12 -3 +5 +6 +4
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:0a55d0d72c]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:0a55d0d72c]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 2 2 1.00
C. Deppiesse 2 1 0.50
J. Cahalane 2 1 0.50

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 2 0 0.00

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 42 22 0.52
C. Deppiesse..** 19 6 0.32
J. Cahalane**** 41 11 0.27
K. Decker**** 42 11 0.26
M. McCormick.^^^ 8 2 0.25
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 22 4 0.18
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 41 2 0.05

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 35 44 1.26
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:0a55d0d72c]

imported_Nikea

30-11-2003, 23:18

(OOC: No time for a decent one today I'm afraid.)

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Starts WCX Campaign With Win
Defeat Visiting SPARTEN with a Solid 2-0 Result
by Markenin Markenel

LOSENAS(NP) - In a day that saw two matches in group five end in a draw, Nikea broke the trend with a 2-0 victory last night in front of 42,359 fans at Losenas Field.

Nikean goals came from Jerinen Istertel in the 25th minute, and Losenas SF midfielder Aserin Nistriel scored in the 51st minute in his club's hometown with a nice header off a Sakai corner kick. The defensive trio of Jaskertel, Strekiov, and new addition Nereniel managed to halt the SPARTEN advance, as Kalessin Quertel faced only two on-goal shots all match.

Manager Jaskelainen Tenerethitel was pleased with his team's performance. "We played very well on both sides of the ball today. Our forwards got good chances, our defenders kept the ball away from Quertel, and the midfielders closed up the middle. It's a good sign of things to come."

The Pandas head off to Nastic to take on the group leaders for their next match, before heading around to Senoj before returning to Straedias to take on Irreliventsdom. Other matches in Group 5 today saw Nastic defeat Grigala 2-1 (there was no confusion about the result this time), Haraki drew with Irreliventsdom 1-1, and Rejistania drew with Senoj 1-1.

[code:1:75281bdc99]
Nikea 2 (Istertel 25, Nistriel 51)
v.
SPARTEN 0
[/code:1:75281bdc99]

Kingsford

01-12-2003, 00:09

The Athletic Review

GS: Welcome to the Athletic Review. I'm Greg Shelley,
PF: I'm Panda Flyers,
JJ: And I'm Ju-Ju, the Comic Relief Midget!
GS: The Kingsford National opened it's World Cup qualifying today against Scaraba in Orean.
PF: Orean is in Liverpool England!
GS: I know, but it seems like every match is desired to be played there.
PF: Oh.
GS: The match sucked though, so we won't give you the details. A scoreless draw.
JJ: WaWaWaWaWa! <<gets up on desk>> Look at me, I'm a flying dwarf! <<jumps off desk, loud thud is heard>>
GS: Uh... Yeah.
PF: Well, that's all we have for you. So long!
JJ: WaWaWaWaWa!

Runaway Moose

01-12-2003, 01:20

MOOSE MINCE MICROBRITS
Loona Snoofaloot

Alces Rex fans were partying in the streets today as Coach Berkett announced at a press conference that BA stands for Bigtime Asskickers. The coach is very hopeful that all the hard work the team has put in over the years will pay off, and the team is starting this cup strong with a win. "It wasn't a major triumph, but every win contributes to our goal. We had a lot of people playing that aren't typical starters, but deserve to see some field time. The team's morale is high going into our next match. We want to win this one."
The winning and only goal of the match was scored by Liz in the 39th, assisted by Tinesta, who has announced that this will be his final world cup. "I've been doing this for some time. MOZ's one regret was that she never saw Alces Rex engraved on the cup as a player. In her first year as an assistant coach and my last as a player, I want to make that happen."
In other national football news, there appears to be some question as to whether Optimus will be playing for Alces Rex any time soon. There was a rumor that the fleet-footed fledgling (we have come to presume) of our national darling has been scouted by another nation which may have a legitimate right to claim him as a citizen. MOZ still refuses to answer questions regarding the boy's father, though there are many theories. Either way, he won't be seeing the field in this world cup, so that is a question for WCXI.

Total n Utter Insanity

01-12-2003, 03:47

Still only 13 members of the TnUI squad have been accounted for, but that didn’t stop them in there home game against Koennerstein, which was moved to the nearby island of Ariddia (http://brape.wafel.net/ns/). Unfortunately the Koennerstein team seemed to be taking World Cup X a bit too seriously as they turned up with no clothes on. This lead to them taking the lead when their female striker got past the all male defence. They managed to hold off any more attacks till the half time interval. The manager was heard all the way over in West Ariddia. Koennerstein seem to be cruising to a victory against the demoralised and slightly aroused TnUI side, when in the 87th minute the Koennerstein players also began disappearing, one by one. This left TnUI with an open net and they managed to bag three goals and secure their first victory.

01-12-2003, 06:34

Advertising has been rolling for 36 hours. Evisceratomato TV doesn't run on government largesse, you know!

Over scenes of a ripe and luscious tomato dancing the dance of 100 veils, lights come back jup on the studio.

Ava Byte: Welcome back to the show. The Fighting Fruit have played two matches while we were gone. Your Seedy Magnificence?

Nate E. Visser (Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes, Manager-for-Life, Compassionate Eternal Immortal, Friend of the Working Fruit, etc): Yes, my little peach. A 1-0 loss to Cockbill Street, who we assumed were a race of sentient Duck-billed Platypus/Chicken crossbreeds coached by Oscar the Grouch, but who turned out not to be.

(Clip of the Zombiemato goal keeper, Elvis Irate, looking stunned as the ball trickles past his leg into the net. As it rolls, we hear the strains of what we can only assume is Cockbill Street's national anthem: Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away / Football's the game we like to Plat-a-play / Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Cockbill Street? )

Ava: A sad loss, Your Ripe Atrocity.

Nate: We remain unbowed. Our anti-splatter coating intact, trussed-up for extra structural integrity, we voyaged onwards to Larkinia. We assumed they were a nation of sentient birds, but apparently once again we were in error. I have ordered the public whipping of our scouting staff and the execution of the foreign minister, who is responsible for our lack of information.

Ava: And the game?

Nate: Well, my little apricot, let's just say we enjoyed our trip to Larkinia. The country was celebrating an odd holiday called Thanksgiving, where they apparently engage in a mass binge of gorging themselves on their national animal. A time-honoured tradition among our neighbours. We rarely eat our own national animal, although i'm thinking some of our scouts are looking particularly tasty right now.

Ava: So the Fighting Fruit lost again?

Nate: Pas du tout, ma pomme de terre. It was a scoreless draw.

Ava: Plans for the rest of the Drive for Zucchini, Your Terrificness?

Nate: We will entwine sensually with one another duruing our bye week, and then face the Home of Football itself, Ariddia. The real land of the platypus. Don't forget to cheer for the Fighting Fruit, my little turnips!

Iansisle

01-12-2003, 07:13

To some, the humm of a Bankfield Mk. II’s twin engines was comforting, a nice, easy sound to fall apart to. To most of the members of the Iansisle Ians, enroute to Squornshelous, it was the irritating back drop to a splitting headache.

“I’ll never drink again,” vowed Benny Answorth, holding his head while slouching in one of the moth-eaten seats.

“Shut up, moron!” came a call from the front of the Bankfield, followed by a groan. “Let us be miserable in peace!”

Towards the back, Viscount Riveran and David Westmore, apparently the only two ones on the craft who weren’t hungover, turned to one another and shook their heads.

“I knew this was going to happen,” shrugged Riveran. “If we get out of Squornshelous with a loss, I’ll be happy.” Westmore chuckled, but the same irate voice bellowed for its coach to shut up. This time, it was followed hard on by a waterbottle.

----

Conrad Brandt squinted into the sun as he jogged towards the ball, almost content to let the other defender in the area handle Squornshelous’s latest challenge. They had already scored once, and it was frankly not possible to see what was keeping them from doing so again. In goal, Answorth was starting to look a little sharper, he supposed, and there were already several subs in.

Squornshelous’s striker snuck past Longstreet, and Brandt put on an extra bit of speed to catch up. A brief scuffle for the ball ensued, and Brandt managed to clear it up to midfield. He wished he could see the clock - how many more minutes was it until Squornshelous won?

-----

Leonard Flaherty brushed the sweat out of his eyes and made his eyes focus on the goal keeper. Time was running out in the second half, Iansisle was down 1-0, and he had a penalty kick. Frankly, however, he couldn’t really see what difference it would make - Squornshelous had been toying with the vastly less talented (and certainly not at peak performance level) Iansislean side.

The opposing goalkeeper squinted back at Flaherty, and Leonard decided to try and at least salvage one for his own pride. He booted it, and may have been the most surprised person in the place when the football grazed off a diving goalkeeper’s fingers and into the goal.

Time seemed to stand still as everyone contemplated the meaning, then a great cry arose. The Iansislean squad seemed to return to its euphoria of the day before, perhaps because it realized that the outcome was not a foregone conclusion. For the rest of the game, they played like men possessed - at every turn they checked the less-inspired Squornshelous XI. At last, they were able to jog off the field with a narrow 1-1 draw, far more than most had even hoped for heading into the highest ranked team in the group’s home turf.

This time, however, moderation in the clubhouse won out, not without some insistence from Coach Riveran.

Usania

01-12-2003, 07:26

The USAnian information minister George W. Bush speaks:

Comrades, We may have lost 0-1, but that is no reason to be ashamed of, since the loss was against the team, that defeated Total n Utter Insanity by 5-1. We have fought like lions and givens the Lankies but the least chance. I say it again: not a single chance! The Lankies were clearly the worse team on the field. Quentin Belmore, Jack Bush and Ian Smith clearly dominated their derfense! We can be very proud of our team!
Thanks for your attention, hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

It was outlawed to show any pictures of this match.

OOC: Thanks to the host for writing the 'USA' in our name in uppercase letters.

Lanky Dude, if you planned to RP this match, do it as you like. The USAnian IM is not a reliable source of information :lol:

Liverpool England

01-12-2003, 07:29

Quentin Belmore[/i]

eh>?

Usania

01-12-2003, 07:32

I couldn't think of a a good name for him and so I looked into the WC9 rosters to get inspiration. He isn't anyhow related to TBF.

Ariddia

01-12-2003, 08:17

b]Ariddia v. East Spaam[/b]

Terry Singh (commentator): "Welcome one and all! You’re joining us for Ariddia’s first match in these, the final stages of the tenth World Cup. And the first ever match of a reunited Ariddia."

Kim Kim (commentator): "Supporters in West Ariddia will be cheering along with supporters from Ariddia as the Red-and-Blacks take on East Spaam. And the team playing today is indeed one of unity."

GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20), Rod Schwarzwald (13), Wesley Davidson (1)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Luc N’tula (12), Jules Andes (19), Luke Wu (15)
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Tiffany Edge (23)

Singh: "Quite. For Andes and Edge, this will be their first time wearing Ariddian colours. In front of an Ariddian crowd, too. There are East Spaam supporters here in the stadium, but the colours here are mainly black and red. . . For a lot of people this match is a symbol. If they can win it, it’ll mean Ariddians and West Ariddians can achieve something together."

Kim: "And North-West Ariddians."

Singh: "Of course. Kick-off, by Khan the eternal! He passes to Andes. That has to be a symbolic choice, again. . . Andes back to Khan, who slips it to Clair. A new player, Clair, as is Edge. Ariddia’s main forward pair in this Cup are really unknown factors."

Kim: "That should make things interesting. . . Clair weaves his way through East Spaam’s defence. And some superb playing in the opening minutes of the match! He shoots! A perfect save by the goalkeeper. Played back up the field quickly. Clair intercepts! He passes to Wu, but East Spaam have it again. . ."

Singh: "They’re into the Ariddian side now. Sylvain tackles it. . . It’s out. Thrown back in. . . And taken by Wahd! He kicks a long pass. . . Khan is there to receive it. He has to pass back to N’tula. N’tula to Andes. Andes back to Khan. Khan to Edge. . . She’s well placed! She shoots! Goal!!"

Kim: "Goal by Ariddia in the fifth minute of the game! And it’s scored by a West Ariddian player!"

Singh: "Khan hugs and congratulates her. Well, they’ll be cheering in Limea. . ." [the official Ariddian name for West Ariddia]

31st minute:
Singh: "Cleared out of the danger zone by Wahd. Davidson passes to. . . No, he loses it. Nice playing by East Spaam, slipping through, well coordinated! It’s a shot! It hits the side bar and goes in! It went in right behind al-Jibai there, and it would have taken a miracle to save. Perfect shot! One all."

60th minute:
Kim: "Good save by al-Jibai! He kicks it well out, and N’tula is there to lead a counter-attack. He’s hemmed in. . . No, he slips back and gets it to Edge. She passes to Clair. . . It’s a powerful shot, and it’s a goal! Goal, by Aurélien Clair! 2-1!"

79th minute:
Kim: "East Spaam was pressed in hard here. . . Conceding a corner kick was probably the best they could hope for. The teams have had a corner kick each, but haven’t made anything of them so far. It’s played by N’tula. Clair leaps highest. . . He slams it with his head, and it goes right past the goalkeeper! Goal!!"

92nd minute:
Singh: "Full time. Well, they needed to win that one, and they did, in front of a cheering home crowd. It may just be a symbol, but Ariddians everywhere have seen that the isles can cooperate and pull something off together. We’ll leave you now with replays of the four goals of the match, as the players swap suits with their East Spaam counterparts. . ."

Final score:
Ariddia – East Spaam 3-1

Ariddian goals:
Edge (4th), Clair (61st, 80th)

Ariddia

01-12-2003, 09:18

Ariddia v. Snub Nose 38

Terry Singh: "Good evening, welcome to today’s match! We’re in Wdetia Stadium, and Ariddia again plays on home soil today, as we welcome the team from Snub Nose 38."

Kim Kim: "And not too far from here, in the Espérence National Stadium, Total n Utter Insanity is taking on Koennerstein. For those of you not aware of events in the rest of Uhuhland [the continent Ariddia and TnUI are a part of], Total n Utter Insanity is suffering a devastating conflict. The Ariddian government has welcomed the TnUI team to play here. Good luck to them!"

Singh: "They’ll need it. They’re not even playing with a full team. Speaking of which, let’s look at Ariddia’s roster today. . ."

GK: Lily Mayantar (3)
DEF: Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20), Rod Schwarzwald (13), Julian Xi (16)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Luc N’tula (12), Jules Andes (19), Luke Wu (15)
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Tiffany Edge (23)

Singh: "Few changes here, but West Ariddian goalkeeper Mayantar is playing instead of al-Jibai."

Kim: "That was to be expected. The two of them will probably be alternating quite a bit."

11th minute:
Singh: "Snub Nose has been pressing forward far more than Ariddia in these early stages of the game, and it’s bound to pay off at some point. They have an opening! Saved by Wahd! He tries to clear it, but has no room. Xi is struggling to keep the ball from Snub Nose, they slip past, shoot. . . Mayantar dives, and saves it!"

30th minute:
Kim: "I am sorry, but that is NOT a penalty offence! Some bad refereeing here. No way was Schwarzwald’s defending dangerous."

Singh: "He agrees with you. He’s arguing with the referee, and getting pretty heated up by the looks of it. Khan is trying to cool him down, but. . . Yes, I think Khan is debating the matter with the referee too. And the referee’s holding a yellow card up to Schwarzwald!"

Kim: "That’s disgusting!"

Singh: "You’re telling me. Not much we can do about it, though. . ."

Kim: "Well, Snub Nose take the kick. . . And Mayantar saves it!! It’s still nil all!"

48th minute:
Kim: "Welcome back, for the second half of this game. We’ve got news from Espérence Stadium, where Koennerstein is leading one-nil over TnUI. It seems the Koennerstein players are playing stark naked!"

Singh: "Don’t say that. Everyone’s going to change channels to watch them."

Kim: "It’s. . . surprising, but I don’t think it’s against the rules. And since public nudity is allowed here in Ariddia, it’s not against national laws either."

Singh: "I wonder why our players have never thought of that. . . They’d become even more popular."

Kim: "You bet. Well, the second half is underway. . ."

57th minute:
Kim: "Wu throws the ball back in. Andes has it. . . There’s no way forward here, he has to pass back to Schwarzwald. Schwarzwald to Khan. Khan to Wu. Ariddia keeping possession, and gaining ground. . . Wu to Edge. She pierces through, passes back to Khan, who passes to Clair. . . And the Snub Nose players just can’t get it off them! Clair shoots. . . it rebounds off the side of a Snub Nose defender. N’tula has it, and an opportunity for a. . . GOAL! Ariddia opens the score, at last!"

95th minute:
Singh: "And that makes two consecutive victories for the united Ariddian team. For their next match, the team play the. . . highly. . . unusual players of Evisceratomatoes. A match not to miss! We’ll see you then."

Final score:
Ariddia – Snub Nose 38 1-0

Goals:
N’tula (58th)

Dennisov

01-12-2003, 10:36

HOME and AWAY WIN

The new blood which Lemieux has come to rely upon has given Dennisov a jumpstart in group 7. The strength of the Dennisov team is once again her defence. In the long tradition of great goalkeepers, Gerry Cheevers is quickly catching up to Tretiak. With Vladimir's help, this goal keeper has a wealth of experience and knowledge to draw from.

Both games, the 2-0 victory over Dark Outcasts and the 3-0 win over Oilermania were expected of such a high ranking team, however in modern football, there are no weak nations anymore. Take for instance Monotonous Monarchy with their 100% record. The chances of a high ranking team missing the WorldCup have never been this high. Noticing that Cheevers and his defenders have been able to keep a clean sheet for 180 minutes allows the poor offense of Dennisov a substancial boost.
These two victories take the pressure of playing the number 4 seed Bedistan.

Game 1:
Dark Outcasts - Dennisov 0-2

54th minute: Gillies (pen) 0-1
79th minute: Lesieur 0-2

A first half with an apprehensive Dennisov team just showed how closely matched the teams in the group are. The home team however was unable to capitalise on their few chances and Cheevers made some good saves to keep Dennisov in the game. The second half was a tough battle with some hard tackles. One of these tackles resulted in the penalty that gave Dennisov a 1-0 lead. The game quickly turned into a one-sided affair with Dennisov relying on her defense. One counter with Laviolette passing on Lesieur sealed the game with only 10 minutes left to play.

"A good start, an away win and we didn't allow any goals. I am well pleased with my players and of course the 3 points," Lemieux said shortly after the game.

Game 2
Dennisov - Oilermania 3-0

7th minute: Goulet 1-0
39th minute: Conacher 2-0
44th minute: Goulet 3-0

A completely different game from the first. Dennisov were given all the space they required to pass quickly through the Oilermania defense. The first half was a pleasure to the eyes, especially through Dennisov eyes. After a brilliant dribble by Michel Goulet, he found the net with a superb shot giving the home team a well deserved lead. This lead was then doubled when Conacher headed in a Joliat taken corner in the 39th minutes. 5 minutes later it was once again Goulet who managed to escape his marker and received a through ball by Conacher for an easy goal.
The teams seemed more equally matched the second half, though Dennisov hardly tried to score more goals. Oilermania had some good chances to close the gap, but even these were not a serious threat to Cheevers or the 3-0 lead.

After the game, manager Lemieux said the following:
"2 out of 2, excellent start. With Bedistan being the favourites to win this group I am extremely happy to have these 6 points under our belt. It takes a bit of the pressure of those two games against them. Especially beating the 28th seed in our first game gave us a real boost in morale."

With Dennisov on 6 points from 2 games, without conceding a single goal, things look a lot brighter than their last Qualification series. There are plenty more games to play before we can say we qualified, but it could have been so much worse.

Dennisov

01-12-2003, 10:57

A quick overview of Dennisov's schedule:

1. Dark Outcast (away) 0-2 win & 1-1 draw
2. Oilermania (home) 3-0 win & 0-1 win
3. Kamakaza (away) 0-2 win & 1-0 win
4. LordSquall (home) 1-0 win & 1-2 win
5. New Montreal States (away) 1-2 win & 3-0 win
6. Kerla (home) 5-0 win & 1-4 win
7. Bedistan (away) 0-1 win & 3-1 loss
8. No Game
9. SterlingIce (home) 2-0 win

The returns will be played in the same order.

01-12-2003, 14:06

We suck

Ice Paladins destroyed 1-0 by Dark Outcasts

28th-ranked Dark Outcasts continued the beatdown of the Ice Paladins by winning 1-0 last night. Coach Luc de Fabre was unavailable for comment, but reserve midfielder Morris Cuthbert, the public face of the players, was.

"Seriously, who were we kidding?" he asked a room full of reporters. "We haven't got a chance. Anyone who thought that we might actually win some games was either a fool or a druggie."

Tonight is the inaugural game at the Paladin Dome against 4th-ranked Bedistan. "I'd love to see a win," said Fred Aucoeur, a fan with tickets to tonights game, "but the way things are going we'll be lucky to score."

Coach de Fabre's job is reportedly on the line. Asked whether or not he might sack De Fabre, minister Theodore Chretien said "Anything's possible now."

Cockbill Street

01-12-2003, 16:15

The Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Early optimism turned on its head

And down we went

Well, what a day. After that famous away win over the tomatoes, Cockbill Street fell back to the ground due to poor defending against Sensual Products (don't ask, just don't). The match was fairly even, and both teams had plenty of chances to score. Cockbill Street's greatest chance came in the 14th minute, when Simon Quier was alone with the SP keeper thanks to a great pass from Ian Olsen, but a great save sent the ball out to a corner kick.

Rhomb-porphyry had to make many great saves as the game progressed, because the Sensual Product right winger was just unstoppable today, and put many fine crosses in front of our keeper. This was mainly due to left back Peter Eversham having his second off day of the tournament - his mind seemed to be more on calling his team-mates "rocks". However, Rhomb-porphyry managed to keep the clean sheet until the 74th minute, when the Sensual Products striker headed in a corner kick as he wrestled free of Eversham's marking. This resulted in Eversham's substitution, but in a press announcement after the match manager Ironfoundersson claimed this was purely for his own safety.

The C-mail ratings: Rhomb-porphyry 7 - Eversham 3 (off 75 Golddevourer), McAlpine 4 (off 45 Harmison 4), Dolomite 4 - Petisha 5, Hammerhock 6, Granite 4, Olsen 5 - Stronginthearm 6, Quier 5, Beaver 4 (off 61 Calcite)

Group 1 looks like this then, as Cockbill Street fell from second to sixth place:

[code:1:fc1d46f94f]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Arridia (20) 3 2 0 1 5 3 +2 6
The Weegies (50) 2 2 0 0 3 1 +2 6
Sensual Products (63) 3 2 0 1 3 3 0 6
Snub Nose 38 (6) 3 1 1 1 5 3 +2 4
East Spaam (33) 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
Cockbill Street 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
Larkinia 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 2
Evisceratomatoes (74) 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
A nation 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1 [/code:1:fc1d46f94f]

Next up is an away game at Larkinia, another nation who have not much World Cup experience, and the whole of Cockbill Street expects a victory here.

Dennisov

01-12-2003, 16:28

Cheevers Dry for 270 Minutes

Cheevers showed just how big an influence a red-hot goal keeper is to any team. After keeping his goal clean against Dark Outcasts and Oilermania, he achieved yet another clean sheet against Kamakaza.

"A goal keeper like him makes all the difference," Lemieux said, "with him in the goal our attackers can play without worrying what would happen if they give up possession."

Game 3
Kamakaza - Dennisov 0-2

72th minute: Gillies 0-1
81th minute: Malone 0-2

A patient Dennisov team saw its efforts and hard work rewarded in the last 20 minutes of the game. A long range effort by Conacher hit the crossbar, fell right in front of the Dennisov captain who only had to touch the ball to score the first goal of the game. Joe Malone then converted a razor-sharp counter. An attack by Kamakaza ended up in Cheevers reliable arms who kicked the ball up front to the waiting Malone, who raced clear of the defenders and slotted it into the net behind the lonely goal keeper. Michel Goulet, the usual Dennisov striker didn't leave the bench with Malone being a worthy substitute. Goulet, who had been suffering with the flu now shares the topscorers honours with his captain Gillies, both of whom have now scored twice for their country.

01-12-2003, 17:07

The Sleeper has Awoken

Koennerstein Puts Wizards to Sleep, Recover too Late in Europa Britannia Match

From our news services...

Matchday 1 & 3–Last night the Red and White Wizards lost in bizarre fashion to Europa Britannia at Fortress Warnock. Following their first match of qualifying, a 0-0 draw at newcomer Koennerstein, the National Team looked lethargic and conceded three first half goals against defending World Cup champs Europa Britannia. Team management is baffled and believes the first match bored some of the players to the extent resulting in atrophied muscles and lost brain cells.

The match at Koennerstein, which some neutrals had described as duller than watching an Entish painting dry, was played at a deliberate, somnolent pace. The Red and White Wizards had but one chance at goal (a poor Zagag the Sleak effort that landed in the top row of the stadium) against a side that clearly was playing for a 0-0 draw. How else can one explain away Koennerstein’s time-wasting attempts beginning in the first two minutes of play? Rather than trying to build up play and pass the ball, the home side were content to continually knock the ball over the touchline. As a result, the Wizards had an incredible number of throw-ins (over 100!) throughout the entire match. Midfielder Akhklash the Emaciated collapsed at one point in the second half. When the Wizards physio ran out to him, it was obvious that the thin one had simply fallen asleep. The match not only cured several attending dignitaries of insomnia, but also apparently dulled the senses of the Wizard players.

Wizardites throughout the Empire were looking forward to the first home match of World Cup 10 qualifying against Europa Britannia. And would they be disappointed. Obviously effected by their previous match, the Red and White Wizards began by trying to deliberately pass the ball around the centre circle. Europa Britannia, looking much fitter and in tuned with themselves, continually stole the ball off of the hapless Wizard midfield leading to countless counter attacks in the first half. Poor Ishhak the Smasher must have felt he was standing in the midst of an Elven archer range, so many were the lasers he had to deal with. Defender Mausnik the Cleaver did not help matters when one of his patented hatchet attacks on the opposition led to a dismissal. It was no surprise that the visitors banked three goals, on 22, 33, and 44 minutes respectively. Manager Ufwurz the Furious could be heard bellowing from the bowels of the stadium at halftime: “Wake up, you munchkins!”

The second half restored some pride to Wizards everywhere. Ishklash the Snooty looked his old self (he did after all age in the Koennerstein match), and nearly scored on several occasions. Ghazghash the Sleazy almost hit the net with a wicked free kick. Gabdul the Looter was unfortunate to have a shot or two tipped around the post. In the end, the efforts were too little, too late. The Red and White Wizards must do better if they hope to qualify for World Cup 10. Their chief rivals are all above them in the table. The only solace one can take from the poor opening to the campaign is that this qualifying schedule is comprised of sixteen matches, which should allow for a couple of slip-ups. Let’s hope the Wizards can find the proper footwear soon.

Warnocks Wizards at Koennerstein: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ufdush the Nasty, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated (Bublok the Destroyer 52), Gabdul the Looter (Globdreg the Destroyer 74), Zagag the Sleak (Ashmazh the Tough 65), Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Mausnik the Cleaver.

Warnocks Wizards v Europa Brittania: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated (Gabdul the Looter 46), Ghazghash the Sleazy, Zagag the Sleak (Ashmazh the Tough 46), Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards travel to World Cup 11 co-bid partners Total n Utter Insanity.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Audioslavia

01-12-2003, 17:12

Zinko Sink Audio
'slaves fall 2-1 to Zinkoland

Audioslavia arrived in Zinkoland, the worlds biggest theme park yesterday full of confidence and expectation. Perched on top of group 8 and facing just a newbie nation, the 'slaves were expected to roll over the Zinks easily.

Unfortunately, Zinkoland's nightlife, with it's underpaid people in cartoony costumes fannying about the country and having their pictures taken with players, affected the team's performance. Indeed, star striker Jonny Willow almost refused to play, on the grounds that the manager wouldnt lend him a non-metal coin (the currency of Zinkoland) to have a go on the coconut shy. Alan Wilton was also pre-occupied during the match, as he was 'slightly miffed' that the 'throwing hoops' at one of the attractions werent big enough to go around the toys, and therefore could not get to win a teddy bear. Full-back Wilton's was one of the more disappointing performances of the night, being beaten consistently by the winger, who eventually set up Zinkoland's opener.

Audioslavia rallied after half-time, but most of Bury's and Willow's shots either went wayward, or rebounded off Zinkoland's keeper's unicycle. Audioslavia's manager was later to dub the keeper 'a clown'.

Audioslavia finally scored with 20 minutes left to play. Dipper's bullet shot looked to be going a good few feet wide, but the ball was blown off course by a freak air pocket created by a Zinkoland defender's bright orange afro, and further blown off course by a squirt from a water pistol concealed in the flower on the shirt of another Zinkoland defender. The ball floated into the top corner, and Audioslavia had equalised.

The status-quo would be broken just 30 seconds later, as Rick Parfitt was crushed by a passing anvil. Coincidently, Zinkoland scored at exactly the same time to make the match 2-1.

Audioslavia spent the final quarter of an hour raining shots onto the Zinkoland goal, but it was to no avail, as throwing small glasses of vodka at goals very rarely wins football matches.

As the referee (a carnie, who had been busy filling cans with sand to stop the tennis balls from knocking them over so easily) blew for full time,the big wheels stopped, and Audioslavia's merry-go-round came to a complete halt.

Final Score

Zinkoland 2 (some dude, 31, some other dude, 72)

Audioslavia 1 (Dipper, 71)

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Commerce Heights

01-12-2003, 17:33

Akbarland Scores Last-Minute Goal To Force Second Draw Of The Series
AKBARLAND - After two straight 2-0 wins on the road, the Commerce Heights Bulldogs had high expectations for the fifth game of the CH-Akbarland series (currently 2-2-1 in favor of CH). Kirk DeGraffenreid, a new starting midfielder, scored his first goal in international competition early on. With 2 minutes left to play, the Bulldogs led 2-1, and Vojtilo was carefully watching the ball to make the crucial stop before it reached the goal. The ball made it past Vojtilo, however, and the Bulldogs were unable to make up the lost ground.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (DeGraffenreid 7, Deppiesse 31)
(51) Akbarland 2 - FT
Liverpool England defeated Pavesia 2-0, but CH still holds the top spot in the group on goals:
[code:1:10c7293f43]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 3 2 1 0 6 2 +4 7
Liverpool England (2) 3 2 1 0 5 1 +4 7
Morawny (58) 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
Akbarland (51) 3 1 1 1 3 4 -1 4
EL CID THE HERO 3 1 1 1 1 2 -1 4
Pavesia 3 1 0 2 2 4 -2 3
The Arrivian Alliance 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Kravoli (81) 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
Halfassedstates (19) 3 0 1 2 1 4 -3 1[/code:1:10c7293f43]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:10c7293f43] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 43 10 13 17 3
Wins 21 3 6 10 2
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 71.8 62.6 81.7 69.3 73.3
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.7 gpg
Goal Differential +12 -3 +5 +6 +4
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:10c7293f43]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:10c7293f43]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 3 2 0.67
C. Deppiesse 3 2 0.67
J. Cahalane 3 1 0.33
K. DeGraffenreid 3 1 0.33

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 3 2 0.67

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 43 22 0.51
C. Deppiesse..** 20 7 0.35
K. DeGraffenreid...* 3 1 0.33
J. Cahalane**** 42 11 0.26
K. Decker**** 43 11 0.26
M. McCormick.^^^ 8 2 0.25
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 23 4 0.17
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 42 2 0.05

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 36 46 1.28
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:10c7293f43]

Audioslavia

01-12-2003, 17:39

teh sn1p
[code:1:622544391e]teh sn1pXx0r[/code:1:622544391e]

TnUIALERT: USE OF WORD 'GOALTENDING' TO DESCRIBE 'GOALKEEPER' :P ;)

Iansisle

01-12-2003, 18:09

From page 2D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Hope Begets Disappointment
Ians fall 0-1 to unranked Oreo Cookies; Lord Riveran considers letting the boys drink before game in Anti-Nazis

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- Twenty three thousand - an incredibly large number for a football match on the field - turned out today to watch the Ians try again for their first win, and every single one of them left the with heavy hearts.

Perhaps Iansisle’s newest sports sensation isn’t the best side in international football, but the Ians’ gutsy play in Squornshelous, where they fought a vastly more talented team to a 1-1 draw, has started to attract followers. Granted, they’re still nowhere near the popularity of the Gulls, who drew thirty three thousand for a scrimmage game against Chateau, but the crowd (which filled roughly two thirds of Ianapalis’ football park in the nearby suburb of Westergate) seemed to be cheering more for the Ians than against them.

Much to the spectators’ heart break, Oreo Cookies proved that not all rookie teams are equal. They’re looking to be the primary unranked team in Group Ten after wedging themselves solidly into third place with two wins a loss, and a +2 GD.

The Ians played sloppy football all day, as they gave away chance after chance. Once again, the defense and goalkeeping was tight, as Answorth only had to deal with a handful of true Cookie chances. Unfortunately, one of those slipped through his fingers about midway through the second half. After that, the Cookie defense seemed to tighten down, and the Ians didn’t see another true chance for the rest of the game.

After the miraculous draw, everyone knew that anything less than a win against the Cookies would leave a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, and if the utter calm and quiet with which the spectators filed out of Westergate Grounds was any indication, it certainly did.

“I’m not sure what happened in Squornshelous,” Coach Lord Riveran said to the press immediately following the loss. “By all accounts, we should have lost that game. I suppose the euphoria struck a little too deep, and we may have expected more of ourselves than it was possible to give.” He chuckled, but it was a dry and humorless noise. “Maybe I should just let the boys drink themselves blind again.”

Ravenspire

01-12-2003, 18:09

Partial transcript, RNN interview of Kaede Kitsuki

KM: ...which finishes a series of three home matches.

KK: Right. We're glad to have taken three wins from that; that's exactly what we were hoping for.

KM: Those were some close games, though. But many fans are wondering... the Ravens' style of play changed dramatically between the Svecia match and today's match against Clearwater. Why?

KK: Svecia is a long-running veteran of the Cup, Kath. We may not have faced them that often, but we're sure they know the Ravens' style of play, the defensive focus with the quick bursts of offense. So we decided that they'd be expecting exactly that, and we set out to play an aggressive game instead.

KM: Is that also why we didn't see you scoring the goals in that game?

KK: That's part of it, yeah. Amara and I let the new guys take the lead, that was part of the plan. Not that we wouldn't take a shot if we saw one -- like that penalty I got i the second half -- but we basically switched roles. We were the support, and they were the scorers.

KM: It was a close match. Was the strategy unsuccessful?

KK: It definitely worked at first. If you review the first ten minutes of the game or so, you'll see the Svecians were thrown off-balance. That's responsible for Dave's goal in the third minute.

KM: The first goal for new striker David Spencer, isn't it? And after that?

KK: Well, the Svecians didn't get where they are by completely failing to adapt, Kath. They managed to take advantage of our own side's slight disorientation to land two goals of their own. Hikari's shot ended up being decisive.

KM: She's a talented girl.

KK: So much more confident than she used to be, too. I think getting the chance to start during the last Cup did wonders for that. She used to hesitate, and that sort of obscured her talent. Not any more.

KM: Moving on to the Clearwater match...

KK: You saw our traditional play there. Solid defense, always important, but not the most emphasis on scoring. That works out well sometimes, but we don't like to rely on it exclusively any more. Against Clearwater, it worked. Against a team like Svecia, it's not enough.

KM: You didn't play in today's match. Is Sui-Ling already resting you?

KK: (laughs) Guess so, and Amara too. I think she felt it was a good chance to give some of our subs some experience on the international level. Much as I hate to miss a game, it's probably a good idea for the future of the team. Seth and Crystal made a fair accounting of themselves, so that's that.

KM: In fact, it was Crystal who scored the match's only goal.

KK: Yeah, that was a nice shot. She faked out the keeper, then attacked with the left foot. I imagine Clearwater's relative lack of experience helped her pull that one off. They were pretty solid otherwise, though.

KM: So they've improved since the last Cup?

KK: Oh, no doubt.

KM: The Ravens are now sitting at the top of their group...

KK: Since Zinkoland beat Audioslavia, right.

KM: How do you see things going in the future?

KK: I think we're going to stay put, when all's said and done. There'll be draws and probably losses, of course -- it'd be tremendous if there weren't, ne? -- but we've got a good team, and a great coach. Audioslavia's going to be up there, too; they might struggle for a bit, but they always seem to come from behind at the end. Zinkoland's had a good start, but I see them fading; if someone's going to upset Svecia to qualify, I'd count on the Dragonian Empire, despite their two initial losses.

Kathryn Malley, reporting for RNN

The Weegies

01-12-2003, 18:19

Weegies Star Sport Report

After a bye-day left them with a game in hand, a decent start from The Weegies led to all 3 points going to the now experienced team with a 1-0 win against A nation at The People's Stadium, Mackintosh.

As usual, Mackintyre deigned to use his full-strength squad, compounding his belief that "even small teams cause big problems", pointing out Terranos in the last World Cup as an example.

Decent defending from the new side meant the attack didn't break through to score until the 85th minute, when McDuff, now fully broken into the first team of The Weegies, having slipped past the defence of A nation ino the box, headed in a cross from De Bruis which bounded over the line to score the only goal of the game. Although it had looked as if The Weegies should have scored far more often and far earlier, with Smith, De Bruis, Mardot and Mahé all getting decent chances throughout the game, Smith getting the nearest chance with a volley from 20 yards just tipped over by the A nation goalkeeper.

Mackintyre had this to say: "We played a decent game, although we're going to have to step up our next game against Arridia. Our finishing there was atrocious at times, and we're going to have to bring that up to speed with the international community. It's that slight problem in front of goal sometimes that has cost us dear, for instance we missed some sitters against Warnocks Wizards in the final of the Cup of Harmony, and being the class team they are, they capitalised. We'll have to tighten up against a team of similar class, Arridia."

Team:
Stuart, John(GK)
Black, John(DL) (sub- Rapier, Matt)
Mardot, Jack(DC)
Thorpe, Gary(DC)
Hussain, Lemar(DR)
Mahé, Steven(ML) (sub-Fletcher, Neil)
De Bruis, Peter (MC)
Harris, Dennis (MC)
Kincaid, Fred(MR)
McDuff, Brian(SC)
Smith, Jamie(SC) (sub-Quattro, Andy)

Commerce Heights

01-12-2003, 18:35

teh sn1p
[code:1:24e0a4108c]teh sn1pXx0r[/code:1:24e0a4108c]

TnUIALERT: USE OF WORD 'GOALTENDING' TO DESCRIBE 'GOALKEEPER' :P ;)
And that's been there ever since I started doing individual statistics in WC9. You just now noticed? :P

Audioslavia

01-12-2003, 18:44

teh sn1p
[code:1:86876995b0]teh sn1pXx0r[/code:1:86876995b0]

TnUIALERT: USE OF WORD 'GOALTENDING' TO DESCRIBE 'GOALKEEPER' :P ;)
And that's been there ever since I started doing individual statistics in WC9. You just now noticed? :P

yes :) i am about as observant as Roy Orbison ...and he's dead...

Rejistania

01-12-2003, 20:08

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/KaMaRiUpdate.gif.txt

Black day for Orange-Blue
The whole country felt into deep depression after the game in Oglethorpia. The Junis'Omeh lost with the dismal result of 2-5. Coach Imdila'he tried his best to remain at least a bit optimistic:"We scored twice against the highest ranked team in the group. That is encouraging" Goalie Raju Hisenha didn't share his optimism: "My back hurts from getting the ball out of the net!"Ila Iles said some interesting things, but we can not print them. There is an interview with him on TV-R at midnight.

Coach Imdila'he tried the same tactic as in the famous first-leg-match against Arridia: he let the substitutes play. The starting formation looked like this:
R. Hisenha
I. Iles, H. Yla, K. Kiru K. Sanan
M. Ijen, L. Jaras, J. Raliu, I. Linkosa
X. Su, S. I Ailn
For Kansu Sanan and nearly the entire midfield it was their first international game ever. Despite this, they looked good in the first minutes, perhaps just because Oglethorpia wasn't anyhow prepared for this amount of out-of-nowheres'. But in the 5th minute, it changed. Black'he and White'he outsmarted the Orange-Blue defense and Black archieved a wonderful lead goal (unfortunatly, he plays in the wrong team). The Rejistanians were all shocked. Newcomer Inik Linkosa, who is brother of Myk Linkosa, one of the players of WC9, I Ailn'he and Su'he tryed their best to equalise the score and in the 13th minute, they had success: Inik Linkosas shot sailed past goalkeeper Yamamoto'he. The score was levelled again. But to tell a sad story quick: Black'he scored again in the 35th and 48th and by this archieved a hat trick, White'he scored in the 63th minute and Calhoun'he also archieved a goal just two minutes later. Imdila'he substituted three players in the 63rd minute: SyLy for I Ailn'he, Jen'he for Iles'he and Exke Sines for Lyku Jaras, who only shares the name not not the skill with Syku Lyku. Of course, the Orange-Blues tried their best to improve the score, but until the 89th minute without any success. In the 89th minute, Su'he made a high-distance shot in the direction of the Oglethorpian goal - and had luck. Yamamoto'he didn't expect it and just could watch how the ball hits the net. This shot at least prevented the game to be the highest loss of the Orange-Blues ever.

The result:
Oglethorpia 5 (Black 5th, 35th, 48th, White 63th, Calhoun 65th)
Rejistania 2 (Linkosa 13th, Su 89th)

Snub Nose 38

01-12-2003, 20:29

OOC: To - TB DBA Evisceratomatoes. "Ava Byte"? "The Cockbill Street Song"? lmao.

IC:
The Remington County Record
Hooligans Slowly Slipping South
Sten, Snub Nose 38 Lauren D'Order

After the first World Cup 10 qualifying match, the Snub Nose 38 National Side, the Hooligans, on the strength of a 4-1 victory over Larkinia, stood first in Group 1.

After the second qualifying match, the Hooligans, after a 1-0 loss to Arridia, stood second in Group 1.

Now the Hooligans have completed a third qualilfying match, a 1-1 draw with East Spaam - and stand fourth in Group1.

There is a disturbing pattern emerging here. With 13 qualifying matches yet to be played, if the Hooligans don't start playing some quality football, they could wind up at the bottom of the heap and miss the boat (train, plan, automobile) to Giant Zucchini/One Red Dot.

The Remington County Record has it on good authority (someone who would give her name only as "Margaret") that Manager Sal Manela, and his coaches Sally Forth and Ivan Tabytcha, were summoned to appear before the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages to explain the Hooligans rapid slide to fourth, and what the Management team intends to do about it.

We caught up with Manela, Forth and Tabytcha just outside the Ministry building. When questioned about the Hooligans position and the summons to appear before the Minister, Sal Manela said simply, "No comment." Miss Forth nodded and said, "What he said." Ivan Tabytcha took a swing at the camera man - luckily he missed - and growled something in a gutteral foreign tongue that we have as yet been unable to identify.

The camera man, Dewey Cheetum, has filed a civil suit alleging assault.

Here are the current Group 1 standings after three of eighteen match days are complete.
[code:1:15711b9ebd]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
3 Arridia (20) 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6
9 The Weegies (50) 2 2 0 0 3 1 2 6
6 Sensual Products (63) 3 2 0 1 3 3 0 6
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 3 1 1 1 5 3 2 4
4 East Spaam (33) 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
8 Cockbill Street 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
2 Larkinia 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 2
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
5 A nation 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1[/code:1:15711b9ebd]

Usania

01-12-2003, 20:33

The USAnian Information minister George W. Bush speaks (yes, this is a live broadcast):

Comrades,

Our ideology, our spirit, our strength has archieved a victory today as the USAnian World-Cup team defeated Runaway Moose 3-0. They could do nothing then run away when confronted with our superiority. These capitalistic elks did not have the slightest chance in the entire game. We were superior, we were triumphant. *He holds his right hand at the ear, something is said via headphone* WHHHAAAAAAT? WE LOST? NEVER! This has never happened, any reports about that game are OUTLAWED! *at this moment, the broadcasts suddently was interrupted due to 'technical difficulties'*

Bedistan

01-12-2003, 23:58

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Somebody Shoot Me Now
by José Rodriguez

STERLINGICE -- Nobody really knows what happened on the field in SterlingIce yesterday when their national football side hosted the Lions from Bedistan in a Group 7 qualifying match. Why? There's a very simple reason.

Nobody managed to stay awake to see the whole match.

I saw Darren Morlock make a very nice run up the field and almost get the ball into the net about six minutes in, but it was easily saved by the keeper. Frankly, that's all I can remember. The next twenty minutes bored me so much that I fell asleep in the press box and awoke only when a fellow reporter shook me to tell me the match was over.

The important thing is: no goals were scored. Manager Gene Barber wouldn't comment as the team left.

---------------------

Final score:
SterlingIce 0
Bedistan 0

Thomas Award Points:
Briscoe 1

Thomas Award Frontrunners:
C. Briscoe - 4
F. Sippel - 2
D. Morlock - 2

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Kucharski, Saravia, Brew - Briscoe, Tenner, Heidelberg - Morlock, Sippel, Boor

Tanah Burung

02-12-2003, 02:45

DAILY CROCODILE

Bi Kikere's team travelled to Belmorian Scandinavia, an odd-shaped country on the shores of FIFA. Amazingly, this country is completely without gambling. On this news, Crocodiles fans stayed away in droves, leaving their teeam to play in front of an almost 100% hostile Scandinavian-Belmorian-Alanist crowd.

"Belmores have given us a lot of trouble over the years, damn them," Bi Kikere said. "The year we didn't make the Cup, it was The Belmore Family that cost us the final-day points to qualify. Their Scandinavian colony always beats us in field hockey. I think it's because no one can tell all those Belmores apart. In fact, that's probably why Alan scores all their goals. My theory is that they actually have a balanced attack, but their players all look identical, so the officials just put down Alan. Also, it may be easier for them to spell."

The day belonged decisively to the Crocodiles, who finally beat one of the many curses they have deluded themselves into thinking they suffer from. "The Curse of Belmore has been lifted," said Rosa Bibere, the defender who was there eight years ago when the Crocs failed the Belmore hurdle.

Bibere made one of the goals happen, a virtual carbon copy of her run against Busby followed by an almsot identical pass to Taur Matan Ruak, whose shot was much the same as his shot against Busby. 1-0 Crocs. Canabe Livit added the second off a cross from Zachary Alkatiri to make it 2-0, and the Crocs then played safe and defensively for the win.

Tanah Burung now sits third in the group, behind Lemmitania (the curse! the curse!) and surprisingly strong Lowland Clans.

Final score:
Belmorian Scandinavia 0 Tanah Burung 2
(Ruak 17, Livit 40)

Tanah Burung

02-12-2003, 02:50

Tanah Burung

02-12-2003, 04:33

dup

Squornshelous

02-12-2003, 04:45

A very angry Squornshelan coach throws things at his team.

imported_Nikea

02-12-2003, 06:21

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Earn Away Point
Battle to a 1-1 draw with Group Leaders
by Markenin Markenel

NASTIC(NP) - The Pandas played neither exceptionally well nor exceptionally poor today, earning a 1-1 draw with group leading Nastic today.

The home side opened the scoring when, in the 21st minute, new starter Keresin Nereniel brought down a Nastic defender in the box, leading to a yellow card and a penalty for the hosts. The forward made no mistake on the shot, sending Pandas keeper Kalessin Quertel the wrong way and putting the home side up 1-0.

Defensive play took over the remaining minutes of the half, with the only solid chance from both sides coming from Kerinen Irisiuene, who put a volley just wide of the far left post. Nastic took their 1-0 lead into the half, but the Pandas looked to carry the momentum following continued pressure that saw the Nastic defenders do just enough to keep the ball out of the net.

The second half opened up with Nastic pressuring the Nikean defence. Aleksei Strekiov made a nice defensive move to strip a Nastic midfielder of the ball, and started a counter that ended up with Turinnen Mortethel beating the last Nastic defender, and chipping it over the diving Nastic keeper into the net, drawing Nikea level at 1-1. Neither side pressured following the Nikean goal, and the match ended in a 1-1 result.

Nikea now travels to Senoj to play the 1-1-1 unranked side, who were victorious over Grigala today. Haraki also smashed SPARTEN 3-0, while Oglethorpia humbled Rejistania 5-2.

[code:1:1768c76b30]
Nastic (2) 1 (<player> 23 PK)
v.
Nikea 1 (Mortethel 66)
[/code:1:1768c76b30]

02-12-2003, 09:28

Brethren and sistren, ye stout and faithful, blessed producers for the glory of Church and State, on this day of rest, let us reflect upon the glory our proud nation has earned. I speak, of course, of football.

As the roughly 3% of you who are not totally ignorant of the outside world -- mainly your guides and protectors in the service of Church and State, so remember, if you're confused, ask them, and do what they say, because the Lord has made them your betters -- may know, the World Cup is approaching once again, and for the second time, our Morawns are competing for a spot.

Nobody understands cutthroat capitalist competition like a Morawn, my human resources, but this is a competition of another sort. As the 7% of you with any long-term memory to speak of may recall, our last foray was unsuccessful, undoubtedly because some of the other football sides were composed of demons in the guise of men. But yea, though evil may appear to triumph in the short term, in the end, it is the righteous who prevail. And we are the righteous, for we have the biggest guns, the holiest State, and the stateliest Church. Rejoice!

Our victory is at hand. Already we have triumphed in three matches (if you include that thing about a small bird or some such nonsense), scoring six goals. Six, my labor pool! And only one of those against our own side! Clearly there is only one explanation: the Lord is with us!

Well, yes, and the behavior modification appears to have worked, mostly. But that, of course, is merely the Lord's will on Earth.

I say to you again, you devout: Three victories! We defeated the birds, to earn our rightful place. We defeated Kravoli to ascend to the top of our group*. We defeated Liverpool England, considered the second-best team in the world -- so clearly we are the best**! We will defeat those who stand against us***! We will bring light, honor, and order back to a world filled with--

Oh, sorry. Wrong speech. I was wondering where that page of notes got to. Let's see... ah, here we are.

We will overcome, my faithful. The Lord will provide for those who work, for it is through production on behalf of the Church and the State that your sins will be cleansed. Your football team needs your support, oh Morawns -- the Lord needs your support! Let us show our support by increasing productivity at least 1% over current projections.

Money may be the root of all evil, but in the hands of the Church and the State, which are one, money becomes instead a good, a great good. Especially with the way the price of gas is rising. It's not easy to keep those archpopemobiles filled up, you know. So show your righteousness by donating generously. Your local Archpope will thank you for it. And you'll be saved, or something, too. Trust me.

~Chief Morawn, Archpope Bob

* - Not the actual top top.
** - Not an actual defeat defeat.
*** - That's our story, and we're sticking with it.

02-12-2003, 11:07

Kravoli have it's first ladder points on the board

Following an unimpressive draw against EL CID THE HERO, Kravoli has put it's first point on the board and in now on 1

02-12-2003, 11:18

Edit: silly, silly puppets...

Cockbill Street

02-12-2003, 11:24

The Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

World Cup Hopes Dashed by Larks

One goal from three games. That is the abysmal statistic of the Cockbill Street national team, and it has beeen our downfall. Our defense has been pretty solid, and when Peter Eversham finally was changed for Harmison today, things really got working in the defense. Rhomb-porphyry had a calm day in goal, but was unlucky on a long shot from Larkinia's number 9 that sent the hosts 1-0 up in the 61st minute. Cockbill Street never recovered from the shock, and when Bjorn Stronginthearm and Calcite went on a collective strike and refused to score up front, a deserved loss was the result.

Manager Ironfoundersson said after the match that the team no longer had a chance of qualification, and that he merely hoped to improve the ranking of the team.

The C-mail ratings: Rhomb-porphyry 4 - Harmison 6 (off 74 Golddevourer), McAlpine 5, Dolomite 7 - Petisha 4, Hammerhock 5, Granite 5, Olsen 6 - Stronginthearm 4 (off 55 Brashear 5), Quier 6, Beaver 5 (off 67 Calcite)

[code:1:ed8bb7d068]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Arridia (20) 4 3 0 1 7 3 +4 9
The Weegies (50) 3 3 0 0 4 1 +3 9
Snub Nose 38 (6) 4 2 1 1 6 3 +3 7
Sensual Products (63) 3 2 0 1 3 3 0 6
Larkinia 4 1 2 1 3 5 -2 5
East Spaam (33) 3 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Cockbill Street 3 1 0 2 1 2 -1 3
A nation 4 0 1 3 2 5 -3 1
Evisceratomatoes (74) 3 0 1 2 0 3 -3 1
[/code:1:ed8bb7d068]

Cockbill Street now take on group leaders Ariddia away, and in all likelihood this will end in a loss. Ariddia qualified for the last World Cup, finishing third in their final group, and only failing a goal to qualify for the second round ahead of Haraki.

Eauz

02-12-2003, 13:14

Stil Undefeated, though Still not Impressed

Zuka (Eauz) -- Les Bleus in there 4th game they played, came out in a tie, 2-2 against Spaam (37) @ Spaam last night. Though, the coach was not impressed, saying "We really should have won that game last night. We were up 2-0 going into the 2nd half, and our defence just let us down. Oh well, at least we got the 1 point." The Coach also pointed out that "in our next game, we will be playing against Kaze Progressa (26) the current leader of our group. If we can defead them (and it will be at home), then it could be used as a moral booster. This is the team to beat, and it's been done before. Our team has gone in games against better ranked teams, and come out a victor." As for the game, it will be:

Kaze Progressa (26) @ Eauz

[code:1:e4b337cb2c]
Group 6 P W D L F A GD Pts
Kaze Progressa (26) 4 4 0 0 6 1 +5 12
Eauz (44) 4 2 2 0 7 2 +5 8
Spaam (37) 3 1 2 0 4 3 +1 5
Keyshona (48) 4 1 2 1 2 2 0 5
Social Cleavage 4 0 3 1 3 4 -1 3
Kingsford (10) 3 0 2 1 2 3 -1 2
Kumba ya 3 0 2 1 1 4 -3 2
Scabara 4 0 2 2 0 3 -3 2
Dead Man 3 0 1 2 1 4 -3 1
[/code:1:e4b337cb2c]

Dennisov

02-12-2003, 13:27

360 Minutes of Cheeversness

After a closely fought game between two undefeated teams, Gerry Cheevers can declare himself the Dennisov record holder for keeping his goal clean.

Game 4
Dennisov - LordSquall 1-0

41st minute: Goulet 1-0

A very close game was decided by one of the game's rare corners. The entire game was fought out on midfield with neither side giving anything away. The neutral spectator saw a tactical battle develop after some early scrimages in front of both goals. For much of the first half, the game seemed to be one of those that would end the way it started.
When Joliat rushed on the left hand side of the pitch, the defender of LordSquall closed him down quickly. The ball bounced off Joliat for a goal kick, but the referee decided otherwise.
The resulting corner landed on the head of the unmarked Goulet who then had no problem putting it in the back of the net.

Cheevers made some marvellous saves to reach the 360 minute mark. Throughout the second half, the game returned to the chess-like game it had been for the first 45 minutes.

After the game Lemieux stated that this game was a really good test for the game against Bedistan, later in the stages. "If we can get a point on their turf, we will look really good to qualify," he said.

The Weegies

02-12-2003, 14:08

Weegies Star Sport Report

There were celebrations at home and abroad last night, as The Weegies beat 20th seeds Arridia away. This seems to continue the history of gaint-killing The Weegies has, this being our best result since beating Lemmitania 2-0 away in the last world cup.

The fans, although expecting a defeat, were noisy and suitably raucous as the team came on the pitch, a few of the less experienced players looking nervous, feeling the pressure of a very crucial game.

At first the team's attacking style was pushed back by a strong Arridian offensive, and the deadlock was broken after only 3 minutes, the Arridian striker running rings around his marker Thorpe to smash the ball past the unwitting Stuart.

But the teams undoubted talent in midfield helped redress the balance, gaining overall superiority in midfield, and with the Arridians unable to keep doing short, sharp counterattacks, The Weegies struck back.

With 2 minutes to go before half time, after Mahé got the ball, a long cross over to Kincaid gave him the opportunity at a long shot at goal. The goalkeeper saved it, but it fell to the feet of Smith, having ran forward into the box. And with the goalkeeper off balance due to the save, a simple chip over the goalkeeper gave The Weegies a fighting chance. And the fans started hoping again.

The Arridians tried to throw everything at the Weegie goal from then on, determine not to lose any points at home, with seven quick strikes in the first 10 minutes of the second half breaking down supporter confidence in the young central defence, but showing the true talent of Stuart tipping or saving the five on-target shots to the goal.

With the defence tightened up slightly by a good partnership between Rapier and Mardot, the Arridian attack faltered somewhat, but the Weegies still couldn't break through the tough Arridian defence, with a Kincaid strike sailing over the bar the best they could seemingly do.

But the match was ended in much the way it started. With four minutes to go, the Arridians now pushing harder than ever, Harris stole the ball from an Arridian midfielder and passed it up to Fletcher, who's sharp run up the wing passed it onto De Bruis who knocked it in from close range to secure the win for The Weegies.

Later in Arridia, celebrations lasted until the early hours of the day.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" exclaimed a slightly drunken supporter leaping for joy in one of Arridia's bars. "I'm happy, so bloody happy. I love you all. All of yez. 'Mon the Weegies! Ah shpeshally love yez Arridians, cos ye losht. Well done, thanksh sho mush. I love yez! And ah meen, we've bin brill, sho we've bin. Dead happy, dead enthushiashtic, and no caushin' any kind o' damage. Weel, some guys ah know pished all o'er a shtatue, but that didnae cause ony harm, eh?"

He then fell of the bar he was standing on into a group of other revellers in the bar.

Team:
Stuart, John(GK)
Black, John(DL)
Mardot, Jack(DC)
Thorpe, Gary(DC) (sub- Rapier, Matt)
Hussain, Lemar(DR)
Mahé, Steven(ML) (sub-Fletcher, Neil)
De Bruis, Peter (MC)
Harris, Dennis (MC)
Kincaid, Fred(MR)
McDuff, Brian(SC)
Smith, Jamie(SC) (sub-Quattro, Andy)

Audioslavia

02-12-2003, 15:39

Acqua: ducked
'slaves sink Citta Acqua to stay in second

Todays match saw Audioslavia defeat a struggling Citta Acqua side 3-0 in Cornellby. The match wasnt not the most exciting in the world by any standards, as the 'slaves dominance of possesion and formidable defence stifled the Citta forwards.

Audioslavia kept possesion from the off, not making much ground, but frustrating Citta into making some rash challenges, one of them culminating in an injury to Sam Dipper after he was hacked down on the wing. His replacement, Danny Mill, created the first goal of the game on 20 minutes as his cross found Nicky Shearer on the hedge of the box, who placed the ball confidently in the corner.

Citta tried to counter, but the 'slaves defence, more tight-nit now than they were in the last world cup, more or less had the better of the first half.

1-0 up at the break, Audioslavia once again kept possesion and dictated the slow pace of the game, keeping the adrenaline-high newbies at bay and pulling them out of possesion as they chased the ball. The second goal came on 55 minutes as a Willow through-ball ripped apart the Citta defence and found Bob Goodwyn who slotted the ball home for number 2.

5 minutes later the Willow got the winner, as a seemingly harmless cross from substitute Ward passed over a defenders head, and Willow showed his gratitude by striking it past the stranded goalkeeper.

Citta's few attacks came in the last five minutes, taking advantage of an Audioslavian defence that was getting complacent. They were unlucky to hit the post with one shot, and right at injury time, a magnificent chance was wasted as a Citta substitute put a free-header over the bar.

Final Score

Audioslavia 3 (Shearer 22, Goodwyn 55, Willow 61))
Citta Acqua 0
[code:1:e2a9a9979a]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 4 4 0 0 10 4 +6 12
Audioslavia (18) 4 3 0 1 9 3 +6 9
Zinkoland (67) 4 3 0 1 7 3 +4 9
Clearwater (80) 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
The Dragonian Empire (57) 3 1 1 2 7 9 -2 4
Svecia (22) 4 1 0 3 8 8 0 3
Citta Acqua 3 1 0 2 2 4 -2 3
Dauragons 3 1 1 1 2 6 -4 3
Davii 3 0 0 3 0 8 -8 0
[/code:1:e2a9a9979a]

The win keeps the 'slaves second, level with Zinkoland and 3 points behind favorites Ravenspire.

Elsewhere, Zinkoland claimed another scalp, this time beating the so-far disapointing Svecia. Audioslavia's next opponents, The Dragonian Empire, could only manage a draw with Clearwater, creating the 5-point gulf between 2nd/3rd placed Audioslavia and Zinkoland and 4th/5th placed Clearwater and Dragonian Empire. The other game saw leaders Ravenspire defeat Dauragons 3-1.

This has been Jeremy jaffacake, g'nite bitches

02-12-2003, 16:44

Wizards Total n Utter Disappointment

National Team’s Poor Form Continues and Results in Another Loss

From our news services...

Matchday 4, Total n Utter Insanity–Warnocks Wizards struggle in World Cup qualifying continued last evening with a disappointing 1-0 loss to Total n Utter Insanity. In a match where both sides looked like candidates for the next installment of the Frosty Cup of Harmony, the home team secured all three points with a fortunate second half goal. The Red and White Wizards are now floundering in Group 3's mines of Moria with the bright light of the World Cup dimming in the distance. Manager Ufwurz is said to be furious with his players.

Going in to the match with the Insane, Ufwurz made a couple of changes to his starting eleven and formation. Akhburz the Straggler replaced the suspended Mausnik the Cleaver in defense. New Orthanc’s Burzgob the Butcher earned his first cap and started in stead of Akhklash the Emaciated, whose narcolepsy left that player without even a spot on the substitutes bench. Target man Ashmazh the Tough was also called in with Zagag the Sleak relegated to cheerleading (although it must be said he had little to cheer in this match). With the changes, Ufwurz reverted to his 4-5-1 away formation of old.

The match kicked off with neither side able to control the game, or even the ball for that matter. While Ufwurz later dismissed his side’s problems on what he called a “poor, war-torn pitch,” one thinks the problem lies in the federation’s continual use of a canoe to ferry players to away matches. The Wizards often look knackered and in a poor disposition at away matches, and it only can be a product of traveling in cramped canoe quarters. Given the revenue gained from the Cup of Harmony and the general success of the nation’s economy perhaps it is time for the Football Federation to invest in some improved transport. A trireme perhaps? The uneventful first half could not have ended too soon for this writer, 0-0 to the referee.

The second half began with the Wizards still in poor form. The Insane looked little better. There were rumours in the press box that they were fielding some fans amidst their squad. It’s a shame The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe didn’t make the journey to the match. They might have given the Insane fan/players a good game. Ufwurz simmered on the touchline and finally had enough of Ishklash the Snooty’s disinterested performance. Bringing on giant target man Globdreg the Destroyer and switching to a 4-4-2, it was obvious the manager wasn’t trying to finesse a result. Instead, a return of the beautiful long ball approach was in order. The substitution played a vital role in the only goal of the match...for the home side. On 77 minutes, Globdreg’s shot at one end of the pitch rocketed into the visiting Wizard crowd, knocking out two Wizard fans. The ensuing Insane goal kick was punted down field and bizarrely tapped over the opposing goal line by Bublok the Destroyer, gifting the Insane a corner when there was no real threat. The corner, no where near an Insane attacker, hit Glodbreg squarely in his large back side, deflecting in to the net for the winning goal of the match. The Wizards feeble attempt to level the match came up short and left Ufwurz cursing in the dug out. Full time: Total n Utter Insanity 1, Warnocks Wizards 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Akhburz the Straggler, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Bublok the Destroyer, Bagdreg the Mauler, Burzgob the Butcher, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Ishklash the Snooty (Globdreg the Destroyer 72), Ashmazh the Tough.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Gabdul the Looter, Zagag the Sleak.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards travel to newcomers Usania. The Red and White Wizards desperately need all three points if they have any hopes of traveling to One Giant Red Dot Zucchini.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

02-12-2003, 17:54

Pavesias Sport Daily, on PYle
James: Good evening, people, and welcome to PSD, and today we talk about WCX.
Jonathan: Yes, but first we look at the chart:

[code:1:b954b15fbe]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 4 3 1 0 9 2 +7 10
Liverpool England (2) 4 3 1 0 7 1 +6 10
Akbarland (51) 4 1 2 1 6 7 -1 5
Morawny (59) 3 1 1 1 2 2 0 4
EL CID THE HERO 3 1 1 1 1 2 -1 4
Pavesia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
Halfassedstates (19) 4 1 1 2 2 4 -2 4
Kravoli (81) 3 0 1 2 0 3 -3 1
The Arrivian Alliance 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 1 [/code:1:b954b15fbe]

James: As we see, Pavesia is 6th, with 1 win, one tie and two loses.

Jonathan: And we think here Pavesia should win his next match to have good chances to stay to semifinals.

James: And the match against who?

Jonathan: Against Halfassedstates, on 6th day. Fifth day is free for Pavesia.

James:And today we have the prime coach of Pavesia. Welcome MacInthos.

MacInthos: Thank you.

James: How you say Pavesia maked so far?

MacInthos:We´ll, We have a good team, but I have tosay some teams are better. Our problem is that we aren´t attacking much, we don´t have changes to make goals.

Jonathan: How your going to spend your free day tomorrow?

MacIntos: Practising offenisive playing, of course.

James: Last question, describe your next "enemy", Halfassedstates.

MacInthos: Halfassedstates is a quality team, much better than us. The game will end as 3-2 to Halfassedstates.

Jonathan:Thank you, MacIntos. And after comorsals, report on soccer mums, who don´t like soccer.

Commerce Heights

02-12-2003, 18:07

Commerce Heights Shuts Out The Arrivian Alliance, Prepares For Liverpool England Rematch
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Vojtilo managed his third perfect game in 4 games today as the Bulldogs returned to Maxisoft Stadium. The forwards were able to push through the Arrivian defense, leading to 3 goals and the first 3-point win by Commerce Heights since the 4-1 blowout of Warnocks Wizards that started off World Cup 8.
(23) Commerce Heights 3 (Decker 23, Quigley 48, Deppiesse 69)
(UR) The Arrivian Alliance 0 - FT
The Bulldogs are now preparing for tomorrow's rematch against Liverpool England. The CH-LE series currently stands at 0-1-1 in favor of the Liverpudlians, but a win tomorrow at Maxisoft Stadium would not only change that, but also bring the Bulldogs' overall winning percentage over 50 for the first time in history and allow the top spot in the group to be secured on points.
[code:1:e4d6d72547]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 4 3 1 0 9 2 +7 10
Liverpool England (2) 4 3 1 0 7 1 +6 10
Akbarland (51) 4 1 2 1 6 7 -1 5
Morawny (58) 3 1 1 1 2 2 0 4
EL CID THE HERO 3 1 1 1 1 2 -1 4
Pavesia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
Halfassedstates (19) 4 1 1 2 2 4 -2 4
Kravoli (81) 3 0 1 2 0 3 -3 1
The Arrivian Alliance 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 1[/code:1:e4d6d72547]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:e4d6d72547] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 44 10 13 17 4
Wins 22 3 6 10 3
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.5 62.6 81.7 69.3 92.5
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 19
Avg. Offense 1.7 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.3 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.5 gpg
Goal Differential +15 -3 +5 +6 +7
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:e4d6d72547]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:e4d6d72547]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 4 3 0.75
C. Deppiesse 4 3 0.75
J. Cahalane 4 1 0.25
K. DeGraffenreid 4 1 0.25
K. Decker 4 1 0.25

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 3 2 0.67

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 44 23 0.52
C. Deppiesse..** 21 8 0.38
K. Decker**** 44 12 0.27
J. Cahalane**** 43 11 0.26
K. DeGraffenreid...* 4 1 0.25
M. McCormick.^^^ 8 2 0.25
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 24 4 0.17
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 43 2 0.05

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 37 46 1.24
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:e4d6d72547]

Halfassedstates

02-12-2003, 19:24

OCC: Sorry folks - will try and catch up a bit!

'Game of the day' theme tune fades

Gary Luniker - Hello folks and welcome to game day two of WCX. With me has always is Alun Hansun, hows it going Alun?

AH: Huh?

GL: Hows things? ... Wait a minute are you drunk already?

AH: Meessshh? Mees a neeeevvveeerrr evvvveeerrrr drrrruunks.

GL: Okay then! *motions to the stage-hand behind the camera* Well lets have a quick look back at match one against Commercial Heights.

*Cuts to highlights of the first match - Halfassed play not too badly, but get the run-around from the Commercial Heights side*
*While the highlights are playing, we hear a faint commotion in the background over the commentary*
*back to the studio*

GL: Kev Keegun has joined us in the studio, Kev what did you think of the first game then?

KK: Well Gary, the Halfassed side just underperformed.

GL: Ok - any areas in particular?

KK: Clearly up-front, only two shots worth talking about from Gunnet, and Doors was anomomus. Wayman was also at fault for the opening goal if you ask me!

GL: Do you believe in the rumours of a curse on the Halfassed side? After all, they have now failed to win an opening game fixture in the WC since defeating Vegimite 1-0 all the way back in WC6

KK: If they keep qualifying for the finals from it, who cares??

GL: True. So how do you think tonights game will go?

KK: Well Akbarland are a good oppoenent - our record against them is 1-0-1, but if the strikers get going, we should be able to win.

GL: Heres hoping! Well over we go to our commentators, Big run and of course, John Mutsun

*cuts to live feed of the game*

*we cut back 108 minutes later {90mins + stoppage time + 15 mins half time}
GL: Well, I dont quite know what to say, another defeat for Halfassed, and to be frankly honest, Akbarland deserved it

KK: Have to say I agree with that Gary, again nothing happening up front for Halfassed, it was very dissappointing to see George Doors carried off like that as well.

GL: Yes it looked like a torn hamstring or ligaments at the back of his knee, I guess we'll find out later. Thats all for us tonight folks, see you again soon

Kaze Progressa

02-12-2003, 20:03

Halfassedstates

02-12-2003, 20:05

Sowhatsville News

Worst ever start to a World Cup campaign!

Halfassed Scrape Draw.

It took an 86th minute strike from James Milton last night to save Halfassed from losing three games in a row for the first time in the countries history.
As it was, Milton's strike from the edge of the penalty box grabbed a point from a game that Halfassed should have won easily.
A bundle of missed chances an the second catastrophic mistake by keeper Wayman had meant the impossible looked like happening. The Arrivian Alliance had hung on in the game and defended stoutly after taking a fortuitous lead on 57 mins.
A simple back pass from Jones to Wayman went badly wrong, the keeper completly missed his kick and the AA striker had the easy job of rolling the ball home.
With less than five minutes remaining, Milton, starting in place of the injured Doors, finally found a gap and thundered the ball home to the releif of the whole Halfassed side.
Even the rescued point wasn't enough to prevent this being the worst ever start to any WC campaign by the Halfassed nation.

Interestingly, manager Smith seemed confident that things would improve, despite confirming that George Doors was now out of the tournament with a ruptured hamstring. He stated that a replacement would be announced after the next match against Morowny

Usania

02-12-2003, 20:34

Snub Nose 38

02-12-2003, 21:31

OOC: Do I need to say, that I'd really like to RP a win?
IC:
Information minister George W. Bush speaks:

Comrades, We have important news for you and for all the citizens of the capitalistic regime of Koennerstein: 3 players of our great and victorious World Cup team have commited a terrible crime: Spoiled and made insane by foreign propaganda, they didn't return to our great socialist country. This players are: John Conte, Marc Riser and Simon Foreign. (Their images are shown for a while, then GWB is shown again and he continues speaking) Absconding from the United Socialist States of USAnia is a serious crime, so if you have any information, please report it to the nearest police station or Koenerstein citizens: contact this number. If your information helps us to return one or all back to the most glorous country on whole earth, the USAnian government will pay you 50,000 communist dollars as reward.

Thanks for your attention. Hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!
OOC: You did RP a win. Er...no, that was a loss to RM that your fearless leader tried to pass off as a win.
Win or lose, I'm enjoying your RPs. :wink:

Speaking or RPs - Snub Nose 38 Hooligans vs A nation to follow just as soon as...well, just as soon Margaret, or Sal (Sally & Ivan), Remington Grey, Lauren D'Order, ASPNs Mike Easter, the ASPN studio reporters, or any one of an inordinate amount (it just occured to me - that's an oxymoron*) of Ministers get a little free time and at least one interesting thought.

(*at least i think it is. amount. ordinate. number. inordinate. oh, bother..

Usania

02-12-2003, 21:53

OOC: I just intended to show, that GWB (our GWB of course) is too dumb to read a score-sheet. :lol:

Usania

02-12-2003, 21:54

A message from the USAnian information miniter George W Bush:

This was no double post! There were never double posts and there will never be any double posts as long as the nation is strong, united and socialistic!

Snub Nose 38

02-12-2003, 22:11

OOC: I just intended to show, that GWB (our GWB of course) is too dumb to read a score-sheet. :lol:
OOC:
1. As far as I know, all GWBs are incapable of reading a score-sheet.
2. And, of course that's not a double post. The very idea! :wink:

Bedistan

03-12-2003, 01:36

The Columbia Times

An Intense Grudge Match
New Montreal States Fall at Home

NEW MONTREAL STATES (PNC) -- An article by one Times reporter prior to the start of World Cup X qualifying commenting about what he felt was a complete lack of strength in the group was enough to rile up the fans and team of New Montreal States. NMS, in turn, vowed to avenge themselves by hanging the fourth-in-the-world Bedistan Lions out to dry.

They got their chance. Alas, they wasted it.

Action started in the 14th minute when star forward Darren Morlock executed a beautiful attack on the opposing goal, but keeper Pepin managed a fantastic save to keep the score even at zero. After that, it all came fast and furious from both sides. No fewer than nine total attacks were made in the remainder of the first half, all parried by the keepers. At halftime, the score remained at zero for both teams, and a total of four yellow cards had been passed out -- two for each side. For the Lions, Morlock and Sanchez had to watch it; for the Ice Paladins, Roy and Arnoit.

Then things got ugly. First, Lion midfielder Walter Marley roughly shoved aside an opposing striker on his way to the box, which was sufficient to give him a red card on the spot. NMS defender Jean-Luc Picard then performed a similar move five minutes later, reducing both sides to ten players. Before it was all over, Claire Briscoe would also receive a yellow for her actions, bringing the total number of bookings for the match to an astounding seven.

The Picard incident in the 69th led to a penalty kick for co-captain Morlock, which he buried into the lower right corner of the net. This would be the only goal of the match.

"Yeah, it's a win," said coach Gene Barber after the match, "but I'm really disappointed that our players were so dirty out there. A lot of them will not be playing in the Oilermania match, I guarantee that."

Marley is of course suspended for a game because of his red card, though Barber is also likely to rest Briscoe, Morlock, and Sanchez for their actions.

------------------

Final score:
New Montreal States 0
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 69 pen)

Bookings:
Morlock yellow 35
Sanchez yellow 42
Marley red 50
Briscoe yellow 75

Thomas Award points:
Briscoe -1, Morlock 1, Marley -3, Sanchez -1, Mitchell 3, Kucharski 1, Bean 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
C. Mitchell - 4
C. Briscoe - 3
D. Morlock - 3

Bedistan Lions:
Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan [out 51], Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean, Marley [ejected 50], [Hanway 51] - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

Bedistan

03-12-2003, 01:36

Somebody please explain how you can double post when you only hit "Submit" once...

03-12-2003, 02:10

..and in other news, the Sliponian national team "improves" their record to 0-1-1 with a nil all draw against also unranked Big Butts. Sliponian coach Bob Gansler had this to say...

"Well, as much as would have liked to win, I'll take a draw over a loss. This team is relatively young and has a lot of work to do. Perhaps if we would have entered all the world cups from VII til now, we might have a better shot, but who knows, anything can happen."

Snub Nose 38

03-12-2003, 05:12

*we are in the mansion of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, located on his expansive estate. here, in the lavishly appointed office space reserved for the minister and someone known only as “margaret”, we find a diverse group. there seems to be a pit band over by the piano. let’s listen in*

The Minister:
Manela -
I’ve just met a coach named Manela,
and suddenly it seems
he’s drained away the teams
Espirit.

Manela -
tell me why our team is playing
like a couple of nuns who are praying
Manela.
I’m going to kill you Manela!

Sal Manela:
I’ll take a stand with the Hooligans
Everything grand for the Hooligans
I’ve got a plan for the Hooligans
Margaret:
You’re getting panned with the Hooligans!

Chorus (Yes, over there in the corner is…a Greek Chorus):
Yi yi yi de yi yi de yi yi de yi YI! YI! YI! YI-I-I!

Sal Manela:
We’re gonna win with the Hooligans
Everyone grin for the Hooligans
Guaranteed wins for the Hooligans
Margaret:
You’re drinking gin with the Hooligans!

Chorus (They’re still over there in the corner):
Yi yi yi de yi yi de yi yi de yi YI! YI! YI! YI-I-I!

Minister:
Manela -
I’ve had it up to here Manela,
You’d better get them back
On to a winning track
Damn soon!

Manela -
If you don’t you will soon be going
to a place where it never stops snowing.
Manela -
I’ll make your life hellish
Manela!

Ivan Tabytcha:
I feel ruined
Oh so ruined
And I’m doomed by how ruined I feel.
And I wonder
How I’m going to get out of here!

Chorus (we’ve been over this):
See the little coach in the doghouse there
Who can that pathetic coach be-e?
See the Minister looking grim and mean
I so glad that that coach is not me!

Ivan Tabytcha:
Well, we’re goners
Yes, we’re goners
We were better off locked up by Ben.
And the trouble
We are having makes me wish for then!

Chorus (just get used to it):
See the panicked coach by the doorway there
Making an escape is his pla-an.
See security as they’re moving in
No escape for this pitiful ma-an

Sally Forth:
Here it comes, round the bend
something’s coming – yes, my friend
We won a ga-a-ame!
I got to tell you again, listen my friend, we won that ga-a-me!
A win, and we-e - moved up a step in the-e - standings
Come on with me-e, and see.

Here we go, start off slow
drive for show - putt for dough
up through the charts!
And now we’re moving along, heading along, to our go-oal!
We will con-tend, we’ll be there in the en-nd
and then, my friend, you’ll see!

Minister – You what?

Sally Forth – We won. A nation 0, Hooligans 1.

Minister – Oh…never mind.

Margaret - I'll get the butler to go pick up a couple dozen more frozen chickens.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Leonard Bernstein just rolled over in his grave.

imported_Nikea

03-12-2003, 05:26

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Impressive Away From Home
Cruise Past Senoj
by Markenin Markenel

SENOJ(NP) - The Pandas continued their fine form this afternoon with a 2-0 win in Senoj.

The gray, cloudy afternoon did not dampen the spirits of the capacity crowd in Senoj. Perin the Panda made his World Cup X debut, although it was rather short lived after stumbling on the stairs coming out of the tunnel and suffering a twisted ankle. If the people of Senoj had never heard the Nikean language before, the first few rows around the tunnel were exposed to their first taste of it: every Nikean swear in existence was screamed by the injured Panda.

The match started off quite slowly, as the Pandas fell into their traditional defensive mode away from home. Any Senoj players who made a venture into the Nikean half were quickly surrounded by a sea of white jerseys, and a turnover was an inevitablility. The first half ended the way it started, with a goaless draw, which is something that Jaski likes to see from his players away from home.

The second half opened with a bang, however, as Nikea went on the attack. Jerinen Istertel was the recepient of a beautiful cross from Kalainen Mersentel, and his volley blew by the Senoj keeper and into the net, for Istertel's second goal of the campaign. Following this, the Pandas went into their usual defence mode again, and some substitutions were made: Aserin Nistriel was taken off in favour of Fyren Okimatel, and Istertel came off for defender Ekserin Pilseniuene, in order to beef up the defence to protect the lead.

Another Senoj turnover led to the Nikeans' second goal of the match, when substitued Fyren Okimatel ran almost untouched from halfway inside the Senoj side of the pitch into the box, where his blast froze the Senoj keeper. The Pandas simply held on for the remaining 10 minutes, and walked out 2-0 victors.

The big match of the day in Group 5 was between Oglethorpia and Haraki. The Wonderteam came out on top 3-1, and went to the top of the group with 9 points. Nastic drew again, this time with Irreliventsdom, to drop to second with 8 points, while the Pandas sit in third with a game in hand on Nastic, with a record of 2-1-0, for 7 points. SPARTEN defeated Grigala in other action. The Pandas return home to host basement dwellers Irreliventsdom in Straedias.

[code:1:71e6c51bc4]
Senoj 0
v.
Nikea 2 (Istertel 47, Okimatel 83)
[/code:1:71e6c51bc4]

--------------------------------

MD 1: Bye Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

Oglethorpia

03-12-2003, 05:31

Ravenspire

03-12-2003, 05:49

OOC: Damn, Snub. You rock.

How long did that one take you?

Tanah Burung

03-12-2003, 05:57

Chorus (just get used to it):
See the panicked coach by the doorway there
Making an escape is his pla-an.
See security as they’re moving in
No escape for this pitiful ma-an

:lol:

You hired Manela again? Madness. You're all mad there. However, if he's about to be stuffed into a sack and tossed over a cliff somewhere on the Snub Nosed coast, please be advised he'd be welcome to refugee status here. We only have a few questions about Hooligan tactics to ask him....
- Bi Kikere

Iansisle

03-12-2003, 06:19

Ians Roll to 2-2 Draw
Offense finally clicks against Anti-Nazis; Ally Larkinia wins 1-0

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

ANTI-NAZIS -- At long last, the Iansisle Ians are showing signs that they may be worthy of playing in an international arena after all. After scoring just a single goal in their opening three games, a 0-1 loss to Defari, 1-1 tie with Squornshelous, and 0-1 loss to Oreo Cookies, respectively, Iansisle scored two to force Anti-Nazis, then tied for first in Group Ten, into a draw.

While Iansisle’s early games were characterized by solid defense and goalkeeping, their fourth attempt featured much more offense. Leonard Flaherty scored Iansisle’s first goal, down 0-1 late in the first half. It was Flaherty’s second goal of the qualifiers.

Then, Iansisle took its first lead in World Cup history as tiny striker John Copplestone beat the Anti-Nazi goalkeeper early in the second half to give the Ians a 2-1 advantage.

However, the tough Anti-Nazi side fought back. Iansisle goalkeeper Benny Answorth saved three successive chances, but a fourth was too hot for him to handle. The remainder of the game largely resembled a great chess game, as each side maneuvered to try and gain an advantage of position. However, the scoring was ended, and the press caught up to Coach Lord Riveran outside the Ians’ showers.

“All in all,” he smiled, obviously pleased with his teams performance, “I was very happy today - not so much with our result, but rather with the spirit of camaraderie and cooperation that I saw today. Previously, our team suffered from a massive lack of communication; today, I feel as if we’ve breached that wall.

“Anti-Nazis fields a tough team, and we couldn’t really have expected to play any better against them. I feel as if the experience we gained today will be very useful in the future.”

Ravenspire

03-12-2003, 07:02

Ravens Slay Dauragons
3-1 Victory Abroad

With morale running high following three home victories and fueled by a powerful Kitsuki-Akizuki offense, the Ravenspire Ravens soared to a 3-1 victory in Dauragons earlier today.

The Dauragons had won the coin toss, but that proved to be the only luck the new team had in the first half, as the Ravens continually took the ball to the home side's portion of the pitch. Even with starting striker Hikari Kitsu withdrawn for the match in favor of substitute Crystal Morrow, the Ravens' offense successfully pushed to dominate the half. Amara Akizuki scored the first goal fifteen minutes into the game, a long ball that barely avoided the post; Kaede Kitsuki followed almost exactly fifteen minutes later, scoring on an assist from Morrow.

The home side appeared to have collected themselves during the break, as the second half displayed a more coordinated defense on their part, deflecting an early attack by David Spencer. It wasn't enough to stifle the Ravens, however; Kitsuki went on to score a second goal off an intercepted pass from a Dauragons defender.

Late in the game, the Dauragons managed to salvage their honor by slipping a goal past an apparently-complacent Ravenspire defense. Goalkeeper Autumn Mistmarch fell short of reaching the ball, leaving the final score at 3-1. The Ravens are one of only a handful of teams with a perfect record at four games into the qualifiers; they'll be looking to extend that to five as they return home to face Citta Aqua, who lost to Audioslavia earlier today.

imported_Nikea

03-12-2003, 07:02

George McDouglas, Football Director sez:

Hey, you crazy Nikean folk. I see you like to plan out all the venues and stuff.

Good times.

Anyways, the Oglethorpian Wonderteam - Nikea match is going to take placein Amalgamated Stadium, Sheffingham.

It'll be the place to be.

OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO GEORGE MCDOUGLAS
from Yeskerin Orsentel, Nikean Football Association President

Yes, we like to plan things, unlike the woefully unorganized Oglethorpians. Relating to the Oglethorpia-Nikea match at Amalgamated Stadium, I will be there, and would like to meet with you if possible.

Sincerely
Yeskerin Orsentel
President, NFA

Oglethorpia

03-12-2003, 07:08

[MORE] OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO NFA PRES
George McDouglas, once again, sez:

NEVARR!! That jerk-

Wait, you're writing all this down?

Damn stenographers.

You can erase that.

You will? Good.

I'd very much like to make your acquantance. Will see you there.

Ariddia

03-12-2003, 07:31

Evisceratomatoes v. Ariddia

Kim Kim: "You’re joining us for, uh, what is probably Ariddia’s most unusual match ever. Today the team take on the Evisc- Evisceratomatoes."

Terry Singh: "I wonder how our players are going to handle them. If I were them, I’d be afraid of splatting someone."

Kim: "Well, I asked some of the players before the game. I’ll show you what they said. . ."

Jean-François Cocher (def): "I don’t know. . . I’m afraid we’re going to have to play gentle. Still, if these guys are doing football, they have to expect it to be a little rough."

Tiffany Edge (fwd): "Well, I like tomatoes. Do you think they’ll let us eat them when the game is over? No, I suppose not. . ."

Aurélien Clair (fwd): "We’ll play them like we play any other team. Why? What’s the difference?"

Singh: "That’s the spirit! We mustn’t be distracted. Let’s take a look at the roster."

GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20), Jean-François Cocher (21), Abdel Dupont (4)
MID: Jules Andes (19), Luke Wu (15), Samuel Pasteur (8 ), Kazushi Tomson (5)
ATT: Aurélien Clair (22), Tiffany Edge (23)

3rd minute:
Singh: "Dupont tackles and passes to Wahd. The Evisceratomatoes attacker is down. Dupont looks worried helps him to hi, uh. . . feet. He looks ok. Whew. . ."

Kim: "Wahd to Wu. Wu to Pasteur, who takes it well into Evisceratomatoes territory. . . Passes to Clair, who tries a shot from afar! Well defended by the Evisceratomatoes."

32nd minute:
Kim: "And it’s saved by al-Jibai. The Evisceratomatoes are playing more aggressively, more forcefully than the Ariddians. al-Jibai to Pasteur. Pasteur gets it to Andes. . . Andes to Edge. . . She shouldn’t look at the Evisceratomatoes hungrily and lick her lips like that, she’s going to make them nervous."

Singh: *chuckles* "So? Edge to Clair. The team are keeping good possession of the ball. Clair back to Edge. . . She shoots! It rebounds off the. . . comes back, and Clair moves, has it, shoots. . . It’s a left foot swing, a difficult shot! It’s in!!"

Kim: "Which just goes to show, he was right to treat this as just another game. One-nil."

64th minute:
Kim: "A definite foul on Edge, that’s a free kick for Ariddia. Wu plays it quickly, to Clair. Again a shot from afar. . . GOAL! Maginificent!"

93rd minute:
Singh: "al-Jibai, the acting captain for this match shakes. . . hands and congratulates the Evisceratomatoes captain. An. . . interesting match. And no one got splatted! We’ll see you again in a few days. . ."

Final score:
Evisceratomatoes – Ariddia 0-2
Clair (34th, 64th)

Dark Outcasts

03-12-2003, 13:35

Yet another Victory Recorded

Things are looking good for the Outcasts' plight for the WC trophy as they record yet another victory, this time against Kerla (a nation which the Outcasts' had never played). Despite the uninteresting scoreline of 1-0 the match was somewhat one sided. After many attempts Anthony Roman finally sent one into the net in the 53rd minute. Kerla tried to come back but the Outcasts defence held up. The team have got a lot of things to work on if their winning run is going to continue, namely being passing to players and not to the assistant referees or streakers running accross the pitch.

Halfassedstates

03-12-2003, 14:06

Sowhatsville News

Halfassed 'Gun' down Morowny

A 38th minute bullet header from Alf Gunnet was enough for Halfassed to grab a much needed three points in the Group 9 qualifing match last night.

Things didn't look good for Halfassed before kick-off however, when keeper Wayman suffered a minor injury in the warm-up. Stand-by keeper Patrick Jennung had to be called up for his debut, and the kid played a blinder. Despite looking nervous at kick-off, a couple of easy saves boosted his confidence, and it quickly looked as though Morowny were going to need something special to score past the new-boy.

Has the half wore on, Halfassed got into the game, and when Bundy set-off on a run down the line in the 37th minute, you just knew something special was for happening. He danced round three players, before getting to the touch-line and swinging in the cross - it was met by Alf Gunnet in full charge, and the ball hit the net before anyone in the stadium was able to blink. There was a second of silence before the roar of delight went up from the Halfassed supporters.

The second half saw further good saves from Jennung, with the Halfassed attack being happy to hit on the counter attack, but not being able to make any kind of decent scoring chance. The final whistle brought relief for the Halfassed side and dissappointment for Morowny.

Final score: Morowny 0 Halfassed 1

Halfassedstates

03-12-2003, 14:26

HSMG NewsFlash -

Doors exit opens back-door for Crewgar to return to Halfassedstates side

In a press conference given just moments ago, National Football team manager Jarvis Smith announced that the replacement for the injured George Doors in the WCX squad would be none other than the 'forgotten man' of Halfassed football Freddy Crewgar.

Crewgar, who currently plays for Orean Utd in Liverpool England, Played for Halfassed in WC's 7&8, scoring 9 goals in 16 games, before signing for Orean and declaring his desire to play for the LE national side when he was given dual nationality.
Having been omitted from the LE side for the past 8 years, he his reported to have been in talks with Smith for a number of weeks to try and return to the Halfassed fold.
Smith had already released his squad details at that point, but the unfortunate injury to Doors opened a path for Crewgar to return.

When asked on his feelings over what has happened, Crewgar stated "I feel terrible for George, but at the same time, I am delighted to be getting the chance to play international football for my home country, I should never have turned down the team in the first place"

"A door has opened up for him to once again make his mark in world football, I just hope he takes his chance" commented Smith.

Dennisov

03-12-2003, 14:35

Cheevers A Tenu Á 361
with apologies for those who do speak french

Game 5
New Montreal States - Dennisov 1-2

1st minute: Sears 1-0
36th minute: Goulet 1-1
59th minute: Laviolette 1-2

It only took New Montreal States' biggest talent, Johnny Sears, 1 minute to shatter Gerry Cheevers' dream of keeping his goal clean for yet another game.
Right after kick-off, Fabrice Austin chipped the ball over the Dennisov midfielders to the 20-year old striker, who then skilfully made the Dennisov defenders look like salt pillars. As both Provonost and Laviolette looked back at the talented striker, they were fixed to the spot. Cheevers managed to get a finger to the ball, but it went in nonetheless.

The Dennisov players seemed taken aback by this early goal as the first half hour was a one-team show of just how talented the New Montreal States team is. In spite of their unfortunate results, they had the former champions by the throat and should really have gone 2-0 ahead but Jacques St-Marc hit the crossbar from inside the penalty area.

With both teams relying heavily on their defense it came as no surprise that chances were few and far between.

After the first 30 minutes Dennisov seemed to regain control in midfield, like it had in her first few games. A freekick on the left hand side, close to the area was hammered in by Goulet, giving his team mates the moral boost it needed. From that moment the players seemed to have less of a problem with the stifling defense.
The winning goal didn't come until 15 minutes into the second half. An attempt at clearing the ball after a scirmage right in front of Joesph Pepin, ended exactly in front of Jack Laviolette who curled the ball in behind Pepin.

Both teams gave nothing away in the last 30 minutes of the game. Cheevers' record stands at 361, he now is counting again: 89 minutes.

Lanky dude

03-12-2003, 14:36

LANKY DUDE MAKE IT 12 OUT OF 12 WITH WIN OVER MICROBRITS

A LD win over Microbits has secured a glorius lead in the table. It was Mike Lanky who secured the win with a goal in the 89th minute coming from a glorius fre kick that curled round the wall and under the keepers diving body. Before the goal however, the game was eve dominated by Microbots with Sir Lanky Dude the first saving shot after shot. Microbrits squandered their best chance of the game though a penlty, forced by George Lanky tripping up <number 8> in the box. Number 7 however strided up to blast the ball over the bar.

FINAL SCORE
MICROBRITS 0

LANKY DUDE 1
George Lanky (89)

Attendance:20,778

Lanky dude

03-12-2003, 14:36

Cockbill Street

03-12-2003, 15:11

The Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Honestly, what is going on?
Dismal showing by football team gives third loss in a row

All right, so Ariddia are the group leaders. All right, so Beaver should have had a penalty at 0-0 after 15 minutes. All right, so we played a decent game against one of the best teams in the world. All right, we're completed and utter newbies at this stuff. But the individual performances was seriously below par. In the 20th minute, Harald Axewielder made an excellent cross for Chris Brashear in the box. All he had to do was place it calmly behind that long-haired Ariddia keeper David al-Jibai. What did he do? As you will all remember, the ball was blasted over the bar. Or that time when Peter Harmison missed his marking completely and Tiffany Edge could stand completely alone on the corner kick and give Ariddia 1-0. Leave your manners at home, guys - even though she's female, you're allowed to tackle her! She's a player on the pitch, and even though the tried-and-tested kick-em-in-the-nards trick doesn't work, surely our boys could at least try to stand close to her! Or is it so that our boys are too scared of girls? Or that time when Adam Petisha dribbled off 3 defenders, before passing the ball to the defenders. In general, the collective was solid, there were many fine runs, fine passes, and fine tackles, but when it came right down to the crunch the ball was slandered off needlessly. It was awful to watch. Ariddia's second goal came through Edge again, as Andre McAlpine seemed to be looking more at her breasts than at the ball as she whirled past him. The same treatment was given to our poor keeper, Rhomb-porphyry, before she struck the ball with ferocious speed into the back of the net.

C-mail ratings: Rhomb-porphyry 5 - Harmison 3 (off 66 Eversham), McAlpine 5, Dolomite 5 - Petisha 6, Hammerhock 5 (off 84 Calcite), Granite 4, Axewielder 6 - Stronginthearm 5, Brashear 6 (off 55 Tungsten-carbide 5), Beaver 5

Final score:
Ariddia 2 (Edge 37, 86)
Cockbill Street 0

The next match is a home match against the Weegies. Surely another defeat awaits.

Table:

[code:1:73e12fb6bf]Group 1 P W D L F A GD Pts
Arridia (20) 5 4 0 1 9 3 +6 12
Snub Nose 38 (6) 5 3 1 1 8 4 +4 10
The Weegies (50) 4 3 1 0 6 3 +3 9
East Spaam (33) 5 2 1 2 6 5 +1 7
Sensual Products (63) 4 2 0 2 4 5 -1 6
Larkinia 5 1 2 2 3 7 -4 5
Cockbill Street 4 1 0 3 1 4 -3 3
Evisceratomatoes (74) 4 0 2 2 2 5 -3 2
A nation 4 0 1 3 2 5 -3 1[/code:1:73e12fb6bf]

Snub Nose 38

03-12-2003, 15:28

OOC: Damn, Snub. You rock.

How long did that one take you?
30 minutes to write it - and about 8 hours to come up with it. I'm runnin' out of tricks here. :wink:

03-12-2003, 16:24

Trireme 1, Usania 0

Warnocks Wizards Finally Win World Cup Match!

From our news services...

Matchday 5, Usania–Finally. The Warnocks Wizards world cup campaign banked its first three points last night against newcomers Usania. The players thanked the federation for providing them with new transport for the trip to the mythical nation, claiming that the team’s new trireme aided greatly in preparation for the match. “The problem with the old canoe apart from cramped quarters, little room for luggage, and proclivity for accidents, was that everyone had their own oar and it was difficult to coordinate the rowing,” noted team captain Shagrukh the Strongclaw. “Always a problem given Wizardites’ independent nature. With the new trireme, we are forced to work as a team, and we share the oar rowing. It’s immeasurably helped improve team spirit. And what leg room! No longer do we have to contort like Gollum to get anywhere.” Striker Zagag the Sleak added “It’s just cool to look at, man.”

http://www.abc.se/~m10354/pic/mar/olympias.jpg
The Team Trireme

Realising his side’s chances at world cup qualifying are waning, Manager Ufwurz the Furious made a few offensive changes in an effort to score an actual goal. Pacy right back Ufdush the Nasty replaced Akhburz the Straggler. Bublok the Destroyer, who played a role in the Wizards loss at the Insane, was dropped completely from the squad. Gabdul the Looter took his spot as Ufwurz went with a very attacking midfield. Zagag the Sleak drew the lot to play up front with Isklash the Snooty, who unusual for him, was in fine spirits for the away match. With the changes, the Wizards reverted to their attacking 4-3-1-2.

The Red and White Wizards kicked the match off and started well. Burzgob the Butcher nearly scored on six minutes, but Usania keeper John Conte found his way to parry the ball wide. Ishklash’s wicked dipping shot had the keeper beat five minutes later, but the home side were fortunate as the ball just went around the wrong side of the post. The home side had a chance, against the run of play a further ten minutes later. However, Quentin Belmore’s pitiful attempt sailed twenty yards over the cross bar. The Wizards finally scored their first goal of the qualifying campaign on 27 minutes. Zagag was fouled by defender Gary Sharp, who was anything but. Ghazghash the Sleak’s beautiful free kick sailed around the wall and flew past the goalkeeper. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. The home team had a chance to even the score a few minutes later, but Belmore, who would have difficulty hitting the broadside of a Hell Bovine dwelling, fired wide. The half ended Usania 0, Warnocks Wizards 1.

In the second half, the Wizards concentrated on their midfield play, and strung scores of passes together. The small visiting contingent of traveling Wizardites greeted each pass with “Opa!” Bagdreg had a chance to double the visitors’ lead, but Conte again came up with a nice save. Ishklash had a further opportunity to add to his international goal tally, but the ball bobbled on him and his shot rebounded off of the post. A few minutes later, Ghazukh the Burner’s header off of a corner had the keeper beaten, but defender Marc Riser cleared the ball off of the line. The Usanians had but one good attempt in the second half, but Wizard keeper Ishhak the Smasher was always going to save it. The match ended 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. No doubt Usania Communist News Network commentator Bill Clintone will claim victory, but that’s a given as his definition of “is” differs from that of the rest of the known universe. Usania 0, Warnocks Wizards 1.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ufdush the Nasty, Burzgob the Butcher, Bagdreg the Mauler, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Gabdul the Looter, Zagag the Sleak, Ishklash the Snooty (Ashmazh the Tough 73).

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Akhburz the Straggler, Akhklash the Emaciated, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards host highflying Runaway Moose at Fortress Warnock. The evening has been designated Elven Archer night. Any elf who attends with her/his quiver and bow will be given free admittance.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

03-12-2003, 16:31

*Chorus (Yes, over there in the corner is…a Greek Chorus):
Yi yi yi de yi yi de yi yi de yi YI! YI! YI! YI-I-I!

That's all Chinese to me.

Skaialuk the Insane
New Rivendell Psychiatric Institute

Halfassedstates

03-12-2003, 17:12

*We are standing outside an old fashioned log cabin somewhere on the Eastern outskirts# of Halfassedstates second city Sowhatsville as we look through the window, we can see a young girl sitting at the table, she looks vaguly familiar and is writing what seems to be a letter. As we stand there, the young girl starts to read the letter back to herself (handy that eh!!)*

Dear Auntie Margaret,
I hope you are well and that there are still plenty of chickens aruond in Snub Nose. Are you still working with that silly old man you talked about when you last visited? -He sounded very stupid to me!

Nana Urk went wondering off again at the weekend, mum went mad at first, but eventually calmed down and has went after her - she says she knows where she'll have gone and that she will be back in a week or so when she catches up with her, but i'm not convinced.

Mum told me that 'the cup' was starting and that I was ready to 'look' after things myself. It took me a while to realise what she meant, and by the time I figured out it was the football team, they had already played 2 games and lost the both.

I kinda know what I am meant to be doing, there are a couple of things that worry me though. I can't seem to get the team to win much - I seem to be able to get draws ok, but the winning thing is a bit more tricky!

One other thing that mum mentioned was the curse of three. Do you know anything about this? Mum didn't say much apart from the fact that something terrible would happen if it wasn't fulfilled. Is this something to do with the football team itself, or is it to do with the ritual? Is it both?

I hope you can help, I'm not sure when mum and Nana will get back and I think I'm not doing things right!

Hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Mag

*As she finishes reading, the girl neatly folds the letter and puts it into an envelope. The address on this says simply,
Margaret,
The one that helps out the sports minister dude
Sten.
Snub Nose 38
The girl sticks an airmail stamp on it and heads-off towards the town. We decide to wander on up the path to find a campsite for the night*

# note - by outskirts we mean about 15 mile or so outside the city limits, and the Eastern side of Sowhatsville towards the border is a hilly, becoming mountainous region.

Commerce Heights

03-12-2003, 17:18

Commerce Heights Takes Down Liverpool England In Front Of Record Crowd
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - The Commerce Heights Bulldogs confidently took the field at Maxisoft Stadium today in front of a crowd of 103,918 to attempt to defeat their highest-ranked opponent for the fourth straight Cup (WC7 - W 1-0 vs Runaway Moose, WC8 - W 2-1 vs One Red Dot @ International City, WC9 - W 4-2 vs Haraki @ New Lexington). The day marked not only a record crowd, but the 15th consecutive home sellout (starting with the WC7 Intergallactic Hell game) and the third time that the Bulldogs have faced an opponent ranked 2nd in the world. The match started out quickly, with the LE forwards making several shots at the goal, all of which were blocked by Vojtilo. In the 17th minute, Cahalane was able to take the ball away from LE, leading to the only goal of the game in the 19th minute. Vojitlo was having a difficult time blocking the ball by the start of the second half, and Alvaro Yago was eventually put in at GK in the 69th minute. Yago was just as successful as Vojtilo had been in blocking the attacks, and the game ended with the Bulldogs' first win over Liverpool England.
(23) Commerce Heights 1 (Cahalane 19)
(02) Liverpool England 0 - FT
With the win, Commerce Heights takes the top of Group 9 before its first bye game:
[code:1:27e833a5b1]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 5 4 1 0 10 2 +8 13
Liverpool England (2) 5 3 1 1 7 2 +5 10
Akbarland (51) 5 2 2 1 8 7 +1 8
Morawny (58) 4 2 1 1 4 2 +2 7
Halfassedstates (19) 5 1 2 2 4 6 -2 5
Pavesia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
EL CID THE HERO 4 1 1 2 1 4 -3 4
Kravoli (81) 4 0 2 2 2 5 -3 2
The Arrivian Alliance 4 0 1 3 2 8 -6 1[/code:1:27e833a5b1]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 6: BYE
Day 7: vs Pavesia
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:27e833a5b1] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 45 10 13 17 5
Wins >23 3 6 10 4
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 72.0 62.6 81.7 69.3 74.4
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.6 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.4 gpg
Goal Differential +16 -3 +5 +6 +8
Rank 100 54 23 23
>First time win percentage has been over 50% (currently 51.1%)[/code:1:27e833a5b1]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:27e833a5b1]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 5 3 0.60
C. Deppiesse 5 3 0.60
J. Cahalane 5 2 0.40
K. DeGraffenreid 5 1 0.20
K. Decker 5 1 0.20

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 5 2 0.40

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 45 23 0.51
C. Deppiesse..** 22 8 0.36
J. Cahalane**** 44 12 0.27
K. Decker**** 45 12 0.27
M. McCormick.^^^ 8 2 0.25
K. DeGraffenreid...* 5 1 0.20
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 25 4 0.16
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 44 2 0.05

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 38 46 1.21
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:27e833a5b1]
Random Fact of the Day: Team captain Billy Quigley has played in every international match played by the Bulldogs, and has scored a goal for every win.

imported_Nikea

03-12-2003, 18:21

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Win Again
Yet Another 2-0 Result
by Markenin Markenel

STRAEDIAS(NP) - For the third time in four matches, the Pandas have managed a 2-0 win, this time against unranked Irreliventsdom.

The match at Markeno Bridge was not the most exciting to watch, but the Pandas did get the job done. After a long spell of sustained pressure on the the visitors' defence, Nikea was finally rewarded with a goal in the 27th minute, when team captain Kalainen Mersentel's shot got past a few defenders, leaving the opposing goalkeeper frozen to the spot, unable to see the blast until it was too late. The Pandas continued to press, but were unable to build on their lead.

The second half saw the play shift to the Nikean half of the pitch. Kalessin Quertel had to make a couple of key saves to keep the clean sheet in tact, and a counter attack led to the Pandas second marker. After quickly moving the ball up field following a turnover, two quick passes saw Kerinen Irisiuene have the ball just outside the visitors' box, and he out manoeuvred the goalkeeper to notch his first goal of the qualifying rounds. Neither team looked very threatening following this goal, although Istertel managed to put one off the bar late in the match. It ended in a 2-0 victory.

Nikea now must travel to Oglethorpia for the big matchup against the Wonderteam. They remained undefeated with a 2-0 win over Nastic, while other action saw Rejistania defeat Grigala 3-2, and Haraki defeat Senoj 2-0. Nikea is now second in the table with 10 points, 2 behind Oglethorpia and 2 ahead of Nastic.

[code:1:6585683b16]
Nikea 2 (Mersentel 27, Irisiuene 61)
v.
Irreliventsdom 0
[/code:1:6585683b16]

Audioslavia

03-12-2003, 18:44

Dragons Slay 'Slaves
The Empire Strikes Back

Audioslavia travelled to TDE 3 points behind leaders Ravenspire, they fly back tonight 6 points behind, and with the 5 point lead over the chasers cut down to just 2.

From the off TDE looked dangerous, being able to deal with the strong 'slave defence more efficiently than the last opposition Citta Acqua.

Despite taking the first half on points, Dragonian Empire failed to break down Audioslavia's defence enough, despite testing keeper Pedder on three occasions.

Dragonian started the second half much the same way as they ended the first, but fell behind after the defence pushed up too far, and a lightening quick counter-attack put Willow through to poke the ball past the keeper.

Audioslavia pushed, looking for a second, but fell into the same trap as the Dragonian team, as the majority of the defence pushed up for a corner, Branson was the only man back, and failed to deal with a counter-attack that saw the Dragonian side equalise.

The last 20 minutes was full of end-to-end action, but with Willow going off with an ankle injury and Bury off-form, the 'slaves never looked like scoring on their forays into the TDE penalty box. The winner came five minutes from time, as a Vulgar Display Of Pressure saw 'slaves Cemetary
Gates open, and The Dragonian Empire were allowed to Walk the ball into the net after the goalkeeper Pedder came out and spectacularly missed a corner. The final whistle blew, and the crowd went Fucking Hostile.

Final Score

The Dragonian Empire 2 (some dude 72, some dude 85)
Audioslavia 1 (Willow 50)

ooc: there are no pantera references in this post, there never have been pantera references in this post!

[code:1:1b0193d255]Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 5 5 0 0 14 4 +10 15
Audioslavia (18) 5 3 0 2 10 5 +5 9
Zinkoland (67) 4 3 0 1 7 3 +4 9
Clearwater (80) 4 2 1 1 6 5 +1 7
The Dragonian Empire (57) 5 2 1 2 9 10 -1 7
Svecia (22) 5 2 0 3 10 8 +2 6
Dauragons 4 1 1 2 4 9 -5 3
Citta Acqua 4 1 0 3 2 8 -6 3
Davii 4 0 0 4 0 10 -10 0
[/code:1:1b0193d255]

The result brings the Dragonian Empire within touching distance of 2nd and 3rd placed Audioslavia and Zinkoland. Zinko and TDE both have a game in hand over the 'slaves.

Other matches today saw predictable outcomes, as the three unranked sides were comprehensively defeated by the seeded sides. Ravesnpire ran out 4-0 winners over Citta Acqua, Svecia won 2-0 at home to bottom side Davii, and the much-improved Clearwater won a close match 3-2 against Dauragons.

Audioslavia's next fixtures include what should be a home-banker against Davii, a 6-pointer against Clearwater, and the match of the group at home to runaway leaders Ravenspire, which will appear LIVE on channel one.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Snub Nose 38

03-12-2003, 18:52

*walking down a gravel path somewhere on the estate of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages, we come upon a pink marble gazebo with a red tile roof. someone, dressed in velvet burgundy robes and a velour midnight blue hooded cape (held in place by a large ruby brooch), is in the gazebo, sitting side by side with a battered rubber chicken. she holds a leather pouch with two eagle feathers tied to it by a silver string in one hand, and a letter that she is reading in the other. we join margaret in the gazebo, sitting down quietly across from her. as she reads, she wipes a tear from her eye. upon finishing, she stares into the distance for a few minutes. then, taking a pen a some writing paper from a pocket inside her cape, she begins to write*

Mag O’The Woods and Streams
Care of Nana Ogg
Sowhatsville, Halfassedstates

Dearest Mag:

What a delight to hear from you! I can just picture you sitting in the cabin, at the table, writing that very nice letter to me. Yes, I am well (hope you are the same) and yes, there are still enough chickens here in Snub Nose 38 for my purposes.

You shouldn’t refer to the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 as “silly” and “stupid”. He would need a couple of mental promotions to qualify for either. And yes, I’m still working – well, not so much with him as around him, or in spite of him. Take a lesson – if you really want to pursue this line of work, you’re going to have to learn to deal with the likes of my “Minister” on a day-to-day basis. These are the bozos that need us.

I’m sure your Mum will find Nana Ogg. Nana Ogg’s been wondering off for many years now (ever since the episode), and although it really aggravates your Mum, she always finds her. You see, Nana Ogg always goes to the same place. We don’t mention it by name, though – bad luck, that. But it is a distance away from home, so it will take some time.

Well, then. About your problem with the Halfassedstates Football team’s participation in qualifying matches for World Cup 10 – yes, there are certain things we must 'look' after. And don’t be too disappointed if they don’t win every time. After all, you can only do so much with the sacrificial supplication of the random number goods. You’ve got to have something to start with. We can only enhance things – we can’t create victories out of whole cloth. For example, I gave it my best for the Hooligans recent match with Sensual Products, which was a home match for the Hooligans, and still the best I could do was eek out a 2 to 1 win. Of course, most of the time I’m working at cross purposes with that idiot Sal Manela and his staff.

I can make a few suggestions, though. Make sure you use real chickens – the rubber one is only supposed to be a “training chicken”. Fresh is best, but frozen will work in a pinch. Don’t try using live ones – it really doesn’t add anything, and live chickens can be a real pain in the butt to deal with. Also, make sure you’re using fresh eagle feathers – two of ‘em – and a good quality silver string. The pouch must be real leather, too, but other than that any pouch that suits your fancy will do.

When you draw the pentagram, don’t be hesitant about it. Do it with authority. Place the candles ever so carefully (follow the diagram in the manual), and light them in counter-clockwise order, starting with the one that’s colored red in the manual. Privacy helps, too, especially for the novice. Later, as you get more experienced and stronger, you can let the occasional trusted soul watch, or even participate, as long as they follow directions and keep quite. It’s also quite important to finish the supplication at least an hour before the starting time of the match.

Mag dear, don’t bother yourself about “The Curse of the Three”. There really isn’t much you can do about it at your stage of development. Your Mum will know if it’s about to strike in time to get in touch with me. There isn’t that much I can do, either, but what little I can, I will.

I'm sure your Mum and Nana will be back soon, if they aren’t already home by the time you get this. As to doing things right – well, it’s mostly a matter of attitude. The manual, the form, the formulas, the chants – all secondary, just to assist, really. If you have the right attitude, your more than halfway home.

Hope I’ve been some help, darling. If you need anything more, just write again.

Much Love,
Aunt Margaret

*Margaret slips the letter into an evelope, addresses and seals it, and hurries off to make the evening post. we decide to sit here a while longer and watch the sunset over the mountains.*

03-12-2003, 19:11

THE USUAL DISGRACE

Entire coaching staff fired after another defeat

After falling 2-1 to Dennisov, the Ice Paladin association decided to fire head coach Jean de Fabre as well as both of the assistant coaches.

Goaltender Joseph Pepin has been desginated as the player-coach. Defender Jean-Luc Picard has been promoted to Co-Captain.

The other co-captain, midfielder Fabrice Austin, scored the only goal last night at about 17:04 in the first half. His status has not been affected at all by the moves.

Captain Picard stated that he had faith that Pepin could turn things around. "Yeah, it's been a little rough. Okay, a lot rough. But there's still 11 more games, we should be able to pull out a win or at least a draw at some point."

Snub Nose 38

03-12-2003, 20:10

The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Infromation, and Band Aids has been behaving himself for quite some time now...and it's more than he can take. Giving in to the his baser urges, he causes thousands of the following flyers to be published and distributed to Football Associations throughout the known world.

Tickets for all remaining Snub Nose 38 Hooligan qualifying matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

Qualifying Group 1 Results
[code:1:245a1cdf52]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
9 The Weegies (50) 6 5 1 0 10 3 7 16 roster
3 Arridia (20) 6 5 0 1 12 3 9 15 roster
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 7 4 1 2 10 5 5 13 roster
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 6 2 2 2 4 5 -1 8
4 East Spaam (33) 6 2 1 3 6 6 0 7
6 Sensual Products (63) 6 2 1 3 5 7 -2 7
2 Larkinia 7 1 3 3 4 10 -6 6
5 A nation 6 1 1 4 3 8 -5 4
8 Cockbill Street 6 1 0 5 1 8 -7 3 roster[/code:1:245a1cdf52]
Matchday 1 Results
Larkinia 1 at Snub Nose 38 4
East Spaam 1 at Arridia 3
Sensual Products 2 at A nation 1
Cockbill Street 1 at Evisceratomatoes 0
The Weegies - bye

Matchday 2 Results
Evisceratomatoes 0 at Larkinia 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Arridia 1
East Spaam 2 at Sensual Products 0
A nation 0 at The Weegies 1
Cockbill Street - bye

Matchday 3 Results
East Spaam 1 at Snub Nose 38 1
The Weegies 2 at Arridia 1
Larkinia 1 at A nation 1
Sensual Products 1 at Cockbill Street 0
Evisceratomatoes - bye

Matchday 4 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Larkinia 1
The Weegies 1 at East Spaam 0
Snub Nose 38 1 at A nation 0
Arridia 2 at Evisceratomatoes 0
Sensual Products - bye

Matchday 5 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Snub Nose 38 2
Cockbill Street 0 at Arridia 2
Larkinia 0 at East Spaam 2
Evisceratomatoes 2 at The Weegies 2
A nation - bye

Matchday 6 Results
Sensual Products 1 at Larkinia 1
Arridia 3 at A nation 0
Snub Nose 38 0 at Evisceratomatoes 1
The Weegies 2 at Cockbill Street 0
East Spaam - bye

Matchday 7 Results
Cockbill Street 0 at Snub Nose 38 2
A nation 1 at East Spaam 0
Evisceratomatoes 1 at Sensual Products 0
Larkinia 0 at The Weegies 2
Arridia - bye

Group 1 Remaining Schedule
Matchday 8
Arridia (20) at Sensual Products (63)
A nation at Evisceratomatoes (74)
East Spaam (33) at Cockbill Street
Snub Nose 38 (6) at The Weegies (50)
bye - Larkinia

Matchday 9
Arridia (20) at Larkinia
Evisceratomatoes (74) at East Spaam (33)
The Weegies (50) at Sensual Products (63)
A nation at Cockbill Street
bye - Snub Nose 38 (6)

Notes:
1. The Schedule for matchdays 10-18 is the same as for matchdays 1-9 except that home nations and away nations are switched.
2. The following sides in group 1 have published team rosters: Arridia, The Weegies, Cockbill Street, and Snub Nose 38.

The Belmore Family

03-12-2003, 21:01

The Belmore Family

03-12-2003, 21:02

TBF WIN 100-0 OVER CHAMPIONS EUROPA BRITTANIA SAYS E-MAIL
PRIME MINISTER OFFERS FREE MONEY AND KNIGHTING TO POPULAS

We are all going to be going by the name Sir from now on as the Prime Minister declared... this shock announcement the Prime Minister said was due to our favulous win over Europa Brittania. This revelation has shocked The Belmorian Counties of The Belmore Family as we were all watching our dreadful 0-0 draw with some useless team. But TDB has an exclusive insight to this wierd announcement. The Prime Ministers daily e-mail compilers e-mailed him the 100-0 win over EB as a joke, knowing he did not watch the footie now. Immediatly Alan Belmore(Nothing to do with Superstar Striker or Manager) posted 100 pounds to every citizen of TBF (Yes, all 1.04 billion of them). He also knigted every citizen of TBF so we are all now known to be known as Sir.

Report By Sir Alan Belmore(No, nothing to do with Superstar stiker, Manager or Prime Minister!)

Rejistania

03-12-2003, 21:13

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Hard-fought match against WHO?
After the demoralizing loss against Oglethorpia (the result won't be published again, since it tends to be shocking for the reader), Imdila'he had a good idea for giving the team it's self-confidence back: He organized a benefiz match against heven de'het* team Ihiri Junis (Ihiri orange). While every other team in the group had much difficulties with the opponent, the Orange-Blues archieved a never-endagered 12-0 against the Oranges, in which SyLy scored 7 times. But that was just one result of the match more important are 2 other facts: 22m lil'kansu'ny donations were collected for the national orphans foundation and the Orange-Blues got over their state of demoralization and shock. This match in a land called Grigala proved this.

The match began as moist international games do: The World Cup newbies were eager on trying to archieve a goal against an established nation and the Rejistanha'he'ny put most effort into defense. In the 7th minute, Xeseja Su archieved the lead in a fast and totally unexpected counter, the score was 1-0 for the Junis-Omeh. Unfortunatly, the Grigalanians used this as a reason to attack even harder. In the 17th minute, a long-distance shot, which resembled Su'he's goal against Spaam in the Cup of harmony came unexpected for Hexen'he. He only touched it with his fingers but could not prevent the equalizer. In the 36th minute, Ajil'he commited an unnessecary foul against a grigalanian forward (it can not be said who it was, they look all alike). The referee booked Ajil'he yellow. The following free-kick put the orange-Blues behind. The half-time result was 1-2, the rejistanian fans were desperate.

The second half started with a surprise, this time a pleasent: Xkeliko Susu, who didn't play that good was substituted by Inik Linkosa. Even if Inik is denoted as midfielder, he always helps in the attack and has scored his first international goal against Oglethorpia. In the 58th minute, it was Linkosa'he who equalized the score again with a beautiful header. The Rejis still played merely defensive, co-coach Ha~e Hangila shouted that they should attack and go for the lead, but obviously, the team did not unterstand his Isesian accent, since their tactics didn't change. in the 77th minute, SyLy finally scored the 3-2, again in a counter. The fans were pleased again, especially because the result did not change anymore.

The result:
Grigala 2 (someone 17th, 36th)
Rejistania 3 (Su 7th, Linkosa 58th, Lyku 78th)

Rejistanian top scorers:
Lyku 3
Su 3
Linkosa 1

*fifth league

Kingsford

03-12-2003, 21:28

(from the diary of George Michael)

http://www.wmmx.com/george%20michael.jpg
Liverpool England: Paradise!

Well diary, I finally arrived in Liverpool England, and let me just say, YEOW! This place is paradise! I've made so many new friends, and it's only been a few days! I met these guys, they were soooo cool! They said they were the Liverpool English Football Team. And(!) they gave me their picture!

http://www.bravotv.com/images/Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy/about_pic.jpg

Are they cute or what! Hehehe! They invited me to be their mascot, and let me just say, wow. Could it get any more exciting? I don't think so! Liverpool England is so much better than Total n Utter Insanity! Welp, gotta go shower, I'll keep you updated though! Mwah!

Peace, Love, and Rock & Roll,

-George Michael

Usania

03-12-2003, 21:31

The match ended 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. No doubt Usania Communist News Network commentator Bill Clintone will claim victory, but that’s a given as his definition of “is” differs from that of the rest of the known universe.

OOC: You got it! Even if normally the results are presented by the information minister :D

IC:
The vice information minister Bill Clintone speaks live on Communist News Network:

Comrades,

There is a terrible conspiracy against our wonderful socialist nation and against every nation that has finally realised, that all this talk of 'Civil rights' just allows corporations to enslave the people! It was only the fault of this totally corrupted referree that we may have lost against the feudal capitalits from Warnock! You may consider this pure coincidence but it really is not. I say it once and I will repeat it if you want me to: The referrees are totally biased! Take the nation of One Blue Dot as an example: Every single match result was horribly high influenced by eigther corrupt or incompetent referees. The WCC only had one aim by this! To make sure this proud nation will never participate again! I say: We won't surrender to the capitalistic WCC, never!

Thanks for your attention. Hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

Oglethorpia

04-12-2003, 00:59

The Bureaucratic Tribune

'We didn't mean to score so many'
Oglethorpian striker says 'we didn't mean to score so many'

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- Amalgamated Stadium was not filled to capacity following the end of fulltime in the Wonderteam's match vs. Rejistania; ending an astonishing 5-2. Fans filed out of the stadium several minutes before the end of the match; trying to "beat the rush" after a resounding defeat of the visiting Orange-Blues of Rejistania.

Said Oglethorpian Wonderteam striker Jorge White, "we didn't mean to score that many goals. I only got one, but Torrence kept telling me, 'I gotta get a hat trick, I gotta get a hat trick.' He got his hat trick alright, even though we already had a solid win before he scored his third. 5-2, man. We've never scored five in a game."

Wonderteam coach Guy Picciotto most heartily disagrees. "The bigger goal difference, the better. It's good to see the ole offense clickin' like that."

The Oglethorpian Wonderteam faces NASTIC 2 next, who leads group five; with a victory, the Wonderteam is poised to displace the NASTICians from atop group five.

"We're screwed. We're screwed! It's about karma man, and the Wonderteam just shot it to hell," said a local Oglethorpian hippy. "We're bound to have our asses bit after that 5-2 defeat; they're probably going to himulate us in front of their home crowd. This sucks!"

We'll tell you if it indeed "sucked."

Oglethorpia - 5
Black 5th, 35th, 48th, White 63th, Calhoun 65th

Rejistania - 2
Linkosa 13th, Su 89th

---

Yay Wonderteam
Nastic shutout at home

By Bill Christmas

NASTIC 2 (BT) -- The Wonderteam rolled into Nastic for their fourth match in World Cup X qualifying on matchday five, coming away with a 2-nil shutout.

Fernando Green, team captain would score the Wonderteam's first goal, Kirk Calhoun coming up with the other; in the 45th and 75th respectively.

"We stuck it to the 'sticians. Hah, that's a pun to top all puns," said defender Lou Oswald. "Did you write that down? Good. That's funny stuff right there. Heh. The 'sticians."

We'll get back to on whether or not citizens of the Nastic nation are indeed called "'sticians."

Oglethorpia - 2
Green 45th, Calhoun 75th

NASTIC 2 - 0

---

Alan Belmore conspiracy
Oglethorpians denounce Alan Belmore as part of a government conspiracy

By Dwight Hamilton

BELMORIAN FOXWORTHIA (BT) -- "It's this simple. Are you ready for it?" said lead conspiracy theorist Thomas Thomasson, leader of a growing group of citizens fighting to bring out the 'truth' about Alan Belmore.

"Alan Belmore, the Prime Minister, has commisioned newspaper writer Alan Belmore to credit coach Alan Belmore with making striker Alan Belmore an amazing goalscorer, with Alan Belmore the writer crediting Alan Belmore the striker with all the goals of the Belmore Family," said Thomasson. "I know it's confusing. But it makes sense, doesn't it?"

Thomasson, while believing that all the Alan Belmores are the same individual(due to the 'trumped-up nature of each of them' in Thomasson's words) heartily disagrees with acussing them of being inbred. "That's just mean. Who would say that? It's just one guy posing as four, all in cahoots with one another and making each other seem really awesome and talented. It is a conspiracy."

More on the Belmore[s] conspiracy as it comes.

Svecia

04-12-2003, 01:04

VILÄMNA TIMES
3. Dec., 2003

Vilämna, SV - Svecia's new head coach has had a rough week so far with his team in qualifying. "Coming into the tournament I knew we were going to have to turn some heads. Unfortunately, they are turning away from us right now," Tim Swears said after the team's latest loss (Zinkoland 2 Svecia 1). Indeed, World Cup fever, after peaking in World Cup 7 when Svecia claimed the 3rd place trophy for the second time ever, is now at an all time low in Svecia. Although playing at home for half the games, fan turnout has dropped from an average of 36.000 last World Cup to 23.000 this year. Media coverage is also low this year. No more does the team's score make front page or headline news.

Coach Swears, a recent transfer to the national team from Svensson University in Vilämna, has implemented a new 3-5-2 formation for Svecia. Perhaps it is this new formation that has the team playing so inconsistently, but perhaps it is also the realative inxperience of the players. Of the 11 starters, only 3 have had previous World Cup experince.

Svecia are currently in 5th place in Qualifying Group 8 with 6 points, but are still well within striking distance of the top spots, as a pair of teams are tied for second with 9 points and the top team has 15.

Svecia won their match last night against last place Davii with a 2-0 victory. Goals were scored by star Fransico Cardini. The Svecian's came out strong for a change and scored first for the first time in their five games. This came on a Cardini strike in the 15th minute after he read a pass, grabbed the in the Davii defensive third and took it in one-on-one for the goal. The other goal was in the 54th minute from a corner that the Davii keeper misread and allowed to go past him to the waiting cranium of the only non-Svecian on the squad. After that dagger, Swears instructed his players to use the rest of the time as defense, possession, and counterattack practice for the upcoming matches, which all Svecians are hoping to propel a growing team into the final Group stage.

Tanah Burung

04-12-2003, 02:01

DAILY CROCODILE

Tanah Buurng's official footballing blimp, the Flying Emu, set down with a shudder in the psychotic dictatorship of The Lowland Clans, thought to be one of the team's main rivals for qualifying spots not already claimed by Lemmitania in Group 2.

"There were cameras everywhere," said midfielder Canabe Livit. "At first, we though we must all be big stars in The Lowland Clans. Then, we realized they were security cameras. I didn't sleep well at all the night before the game, knowing that every snore was captured on camera and broadcast to the voyeurs in the Lowland Snooping Service."

Livit didn't seem too fazed, however: she scored both the Crocodiles' goals in a hard-fought clash. A number of impressive runs by Rosa Bibere came to naught when she was unable to get a pass off to Taur Matan Ruak. "The Clans seem to have caught on to the fact we have used the same play repeatedly in our last three matches," said coach Bi Kikere. "Obviously, they were watching us on videotape. What a low and dirty trick."

The Crocodiles currently sit third in the group, tied with the Clans and Belmorian Scandinavia and a point back from the group-leading Lemmings.

Final score:
The Lowland Clans 1 Tanah Burung 2
(Livit 38, 58)

Ravenspire

04-12-2003, 10:00

KM: ...After which, the otter was forcibly removed. Now, our top story in sports: the Ravens wrapped up their last home game for some time with a stunning 4-0 victory over Citta Acqua. With me to discuss the match is Michael Black. Mike?

MB: Thank you, Kath. Today's was a match like few our boys and girls have played before.

KM: They seemed happy to be playing in front of a home crowd again, Mike.

MB: No doubt that's partly responsible. There's also the morale boost from sheer momentum -- 4 straight wins, as they had going into today's match, isn't going to break any records, but it definitely inspires that extra bit of confidence. We saw both offense and defense working terrifically out there, Kath.

KM: It seemed to take them a while to warm up, though. During the first 20 minutes or so, the ball was actually almost exclusively on the Ravenspire half of the pitch.

MB: But only once in the box, and Autumn blocked that shot with a bit of effort. The turning point really came when Michael Matthew Maule intercepted that pass at the 23rd minute. As you can see on the clip, he found himself in the clear, with possession, and he took advantage of that to get the ball downfield.

KM: Hikari didn't miss the opportunity, either. There's her shot... Unfortunately, it's off the crossbar.

MB: On the other hand, Kaede is there to recapture it and score that goal. That's exactly the kind of offense the Ravens have been trying, sometimes struggling, to develop for the past seven Cups.

KM: They do seem to have finally gelled. Sui-Ling's leadership seems to be making a difference. The trouble is, what happens when Amara Akizuki retires? This will be her seventh Cup already, and while she might have one or even two more in her if she goes the way Sui-Ling herself did, there's no question her performance will decline at least a little bit.

MB: She's indicated she's considering retiring after this year, in fact. I think that's why they're playing Crystal so much... they're grooming her as a replacement. And if not her, then Seth.

KM: Of course, Kaede's been playing almost as long, but as a foxgirl, she has a little more leeway in that regard.

MB: Indeed. Good thing, too; she's been the anchor of the team's offense, these last few years. Amara has experience, Hikari has raw talent, but neither of them are quite at her level. She's one of only two Ravenspire strikers to score a hat trick in international competition -- the other was Sui-Ling, of course -- and today actually wasn't the first time she's done so.

KM: Here's her second goal... nothing terribly exciting, the Acquan keeper is out of position, and she capitalizes on it.

MB: After the half, her third will be a bit more interesting, but I think the real prize goes to Amara's single goal. She managed to successfully fake out a midfielder and two defenders, and then she slipped the ball right through the keeper's grip. I can't imagine how he failed to deflect that.

KM: He must have been going for a catch, and misjudged.

MB: The Acquans were looking pretty demoralized by this point. They did mount one more big push, but Fox Lee derailed that. There's Hikari on a last-minute rush for one more goal, shoots, and it's in... but it's ruled offside. Poor luck for her today.

KM: Still, a 4-0 victory. You can see the fans going wild...

MB: I imagine food, drug, and alcohol sales soared after a match like that. We're not used to seeing 4-goal margins of victory.

KM: And that leaves the Ravens at the top of their group, and with the best offense to date. Hell must have frozen over.

MB: I hear Kitsuki Technologies is working on that. You never know.

KM: The closest teams are six points behind, which offers a bit of a cushion. The Ravens, of course, will be looking to extend their streak as they visit group surprise side Zinkoland, Davii, and second-placed Audioslavia in the days ahead.

MB: A win against either Zinkoland or Audioslavia would go a long way toward guaranteeing that slot. The fourth-placed team might be eight points behind, but with thirteen matchdays remaining (though only eleven or twelve matches, depending), that's not all that much.

Kathryn Malley and Michael Black, reporting for RNN

Dennisov

04-12-2003, 11:31

Counterattack Strikes 5 Times

The game against Kerla was regarded as the supreme test case for the game against Bedistan. Kerla plays a very much attacking game, which would put a lot of pressure on Dennisov's 5 defenders and goal keeper Cheevers. Indeed the figures show that Kerla had more possession of the ball than Dennisov, 64% against Dennisov's 36%.

Game 6
Dennisov - Kerla 5-0

26th minute: Goulet
42nd minute: Goulet
57th minute: Clancy
78th minute: Gillies (pen.)
87th minute: Malone (on for Goulet at 79th)

The young Kerla team got to a good start, creating some chances but none that made Cheevers worry. An interception by Joliat on midfield allowed the Dennisov counter to score the first goal of the game. Joliat found Goulet in between two of the three Kerla defenders. Goulet remained calm and slotted the ball in behind John Middleton. The lonely Dennisov forward managed to shrug off his markers for his second goal in the 42nd minute.

The second half started with Kerla being more cautious, but with three strikers being fed balls through the air, both Provonost and Laviolette had hardly any trouble neutralising the 'Mouse' and 'Bulldog'. In the Dennisov defense there always seemed to be an extra defender to close any gaps that arose when the speedy Kerla players managed to get through. As the second half progressed, Kerla focussed more on the offensive side of play, which allowed a lot of room behind their lines. This space was used to full effectiveness when Francis Clancy moved up the field and hammered the ball in the top right corner, just out of reach of Middleton.

Captain Clark Gillies converted a penalty awarded when Nick O'Connel brought Michel Goulet down inside the area after 78 minutes. Lemieux took no chances with Goulet, substituting him with Malone. Goulet appears to be fit enough to play in the away game against Bedistan.
Joe Malone only needed 9 minutes to get his own name on the score sheet, heading home a Conacher cross.

"I don't know the Bedistan result yet, but our next game against them is going to be a tough one. With Gerry (Cheevers) being hot and Marcel (Provonost) and Jack (Laviolette) taking care of the rest, I am confident we can keep them from scoring against us," Lemieux said after the game.

The Weegies

04-12-2003, 12:03

Weegies Star Sport Report

The Weegies have won their third game in a row, beating controvertial team East Spaam 1-0 away. As most football fans know by now, East Spaam were the team that tried to "bow out" to give Spaam its' qualifying spot. They were also bad spellers as well, but hey, let's not nitpick.

The Weegies almost had to forfeit the game, as they turned up just half an hour before the game started. Apparently, according to the team's coach... sorry, coach driver this was due to the fact that "the signs around this hellhole are bloody awful. It took me about an hour to realise that 'Est Sppaaam Stidum' was the place we were supposed to go to. What chance do us literate people have around here."

Further complaints were received over the East Spaam programmes, which contained, if not grammatically correct, very interesting spellings of words. "I never knew it was possible to leave out the letter "e" in an entire programme." said a puzzled fan. "especially when both our countries have the letter in our name. And let's not even start on the sign the fans have got up their end. 'Te Wegies ar carp'. Honestly."

The three points were won when, in the 48th minute, Mardot headed home a rebound from a 30-yard De Bruis shot. Really, that was all that was interesting or intriguing about it.

Fans wandered around the capital after the win.

"God, this place is a dump. No decent bars, no decent nightlife, and of course, no decent bookshops" said one group of irritated fans.

Next, The Weegies will try and keep their perfect record against the squishy Eviceratomatoes. This quote from Mackintyre best sums up the spirits of the boys at the moment:

"Get the lettuce, boys. We'll make a salad out of them."

Liverpool England

04-12-2003, 12:09

Liverpool England World Cup Daily UPDATE
WC Report
MD1 W Akbarland 2-0
MD2 T Morawny 1-1
MD3 W Pavesia 3-0
MD4 W Kravoli 2-0
MD5 L Commerce Heights 0-1
MD6 W EL CID THE HERO 3-0
Pos 2/9 Points 13

(OOC: Sorry for lack of RPing... will start RPing when I have more time and when I have no more of this flu/cold.)

Bedistan

04-12-2003, 14:55

The Bedistan Sports Digest

Subs Take Care of Oilermania
Starting XI resting for LordSquall and Dennisov

MIDWAY, NS -- Coach Gene Barber decided to rest all of his starters during the match against the hapless Oilermania. When questioned about his decision, he said, "Oilermania hasn't performed well and I don't expect to have any trouble with them. But after that, we play the three top-ranked sides other than us -- LordSquall, Dennisov, and Dark Outcasts. They need to be in shape for those matches."

The game was mostly quiet, with a simple shot by young sensation Ashley Boor producing the only goal of the game midway through the second half.

"That was exciting," Boor commented. "Only the second time I've played, and I score a goal! Guess maybe I can contribute more than I thought."

Final score:
Bedistan 1
Oilermania 0

Thomas Award points:
Boor 2, Palin 1, Fukushima 1, Segawa 1, Hanway 1

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell [Fukushima 46] - Saravia, Segawa, Hockensmith, Brew - Palin, Tenner, Hanway - Coder, Barcelo, Boor

---------------------------------------------------------

Lions Give Up Goal!
[b]LordSquall first to break through defense

LORDSQUALL -- Coach Barber brought back the full starting squad to play 47th-ranked LordSquall. "Yes, they're significantly lower-ranked than us," said the coach, "but remember how we drew with SterlingIce on matchday 3? We have to be ready."

LordSquall actually struck first, and the Bedistani fans in the crowd were shocked when Chuck Mitchell let the ball by early in the first half.

For a while, it actually looked as though the Lions would be handed their first loss of the campaign, but Darren Morlock came through in the 79th with the equalizer. The final score would remain tied at one.

The team will now come back home to James Parker National Stadium to face World Cup 4 champions Dennisov. "I'm kinda scared about this one," Mitchell told us. "They just kicked the living daylights out of Kerla 5-0. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to hold 'em off."

Final score:
LordSquall 1 (14)
Bedistan 1 (Morlock 79)

Thomas Award points:
Briscoe 1, Morlock 2, Marley 1, Mitchell 2, Kucharski 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
C. Mitchell - 6
D. Morlock - 5
C. Briscoe - 4

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

Audioslavia

04-12-2003, 15:35

Fan Davii Dozey
Matchday 6 goes to form

Audioslavia played host to strugglers Davii today, and deservedly came out 2-0 winners, through goals from King and Lever.

King, in for the injured top-scorer Jonny Willow, opened the scoring with a cool finish from a inch-perfect through-ball from Shearer.

Lever's tap-in 10 minutes before half time gave the 'slaves a two-goal cusion which they were to sustain until the final whistle, despite an impressive quarter of an hour in the second half where Davii played some good quality football.

[code:1:105865beb7]Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 6 6 0 0 15 4 +11 18
Audioslavia (18) 6 4 0 2 12 5 +7 12
Clearwater (80) 5 3 1 1 7 5 +2 10
Svecia (22) 6 3 0 3 11 8 +3 9
Zinkoland (67) 5 3 0 2 7 4 +3 9
The Dragonian Empire (57) 5 2 1 2 9 10 -1 7
Dauragons 5 1 1 3 4 10 -6 3
Citta Acqua 5 1 0 4 2 9 -7 3
Davii 5 0 0 5 0 12 -12 0 [/code:1:105865beb7]

The win puts some daylight between chasers Zinkoland after their defeat to Ravenspire, but Clearwater's win over Citta Acqua and Svecia's defeat of Dauragons means that the pressure is still on, and the 'slaves next match, a 6-pointer away to Clearwater, is going to be all-important especially with Clearwater's game in hand.

In World Cup 9 qualifying the 'slaves beat Clearwater home and away, and heres hoping they can do the same again this time out.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

Usania

04-12-2003, 16:21

Location: Inside the USAnian ministry of information, inside the top-secret area to be exact. Information minister George W. Bush, intelligence chief Lenin Right and chief of the central comittee Ron Sommer are sitting at a table, the latest edition of the daily belmorian lies on the desk, the 100-0 story is highlighted.

Sommer: That is great! One mail destabelized a whole country.
Right: I guess, you would call this task a success?
Sommer: Of course! Hey, the idea was great. But, how expensive was that?
Right: Very cheap, ok, take the flight, the hotel, the bribe for the TBFian advisor... about 100,000 US-Roubles!
Sommer: So less money can archieve so much, that is why those capitalists are doomed!
Bush: Yep, they are doomed!
Sommer: You, just go out and tell the media of our great victory! And... how did our team do?
Bush: Nil all, is that a loss or a win?
Sommer: For you, it is a great victory! Understood?
Bush: Yes! Against some brits it was a great victory!
Sommer: OK, go out and tell the people! we will discuss here things you won't understand!

Later on CNN (communist news network), George W Bush speaks live:

Comrades,
We may have not defeated the Brits, but we have reached an honorfull draw, this time, no never-archieved goal was awarded to the opponents! The referee was so scared of our revenge, that we didn't award a goal AT ALL! This can be seen as a great improvement! The capitalistic and corrupt WCC finally realises, that we are no playthingies of their anti-communist politics which will only lead to an enslavement of the working class! They were forced to award us one point! Even in their rankings we improve! The Brits, who are first in the world, didn't have one single chance. (Again we holds the hand on the left ear, a gesture we know already) THERE ARE TWO BRITS? Anyway, no matter who was our opponent, we have NOT given them any chance and that is also a victory!

Thanks for your attention. Hail to our eternal leader Karl Marx!

Snub Nose 38

04-12-2003, 16:39

*the sliver of a crescent moon dimly lights the choppy waters around us. looking over our left shoulder we see the shoreline - quite some distance away. the rowboat is rocking, and seawater is seeping in from somewhere. Ivan Tabytcha sits in the bow of the boat, slightly green and looking very ghoulish by moonlight, bailing. Sally Forth is leaning over the side, and...well...you get the idea. Sal Manela is at the stern, tiller of the little electric motor in his hand, a grim look on his face. a couple of damp canvas bags lying amidships complete the contents of the boat.*

- I'm not sure I think this is such a good idea anymore.
- You got a better idea, Sally?
- Urp - No...but I can't think straight with all this bobbing around like a cork.
- You take zat bucket I gaef you und help me vis ze bailing!
- I can't bail while urp...I can't bail while I'm heaving.
- Zen shtop ze heaving and shtart ze bailing. I can't kip up vis zis by myselve.
- Sally, bail. Ivan, shut up. No where the heck...
- I vill not shut up! You brink uz on ze oscean, in ze mittle of ze night, in zis leakink boat. Und vhy? Bicaus uf a note you get. But you cannot show uz dat note.
- Why? Because he's a urp - a sadomasochistic idiot.
- Because the bloody Hooligans lost to Evisceratomatoes. I'll say that again - lost to Evisceratomatoes!. That's why.
- Zo, dey lost. Bik deal. Vat, dey take avay my birzday?
- Well, I've got to urp - to concede this - if we just stay in Snub Nose 38, it's gonna be a lot worse than urp - than that.
- Verse? How verse?
- Very "verse", lumox. At best, we can expect a one way ticket to Elba. And from what I hear, Elba is not a place you want a one way ticket to. And that's the best we'll get.
- Bicaus ve lose to de Evis...Eviscer...Evikerate...
- "Evisceratomatoes"! Sally, remind me never to hire some bozo with an accent again.
- Urp
- I am not a bozo vis an agsent!
- No...bozo is probably too kind. Look, lumox, I got a message from Bi Kikere that Tanah Burung might be interested in "picking up" our contract if Snub Nose 38 "dumped" us. I sent a reply right after the Evisceratomatoe match was over, and asked her to have someone from Tanah Burung meet us off the coast, here, tonight.
- And your playing at urp - at double "O" seven is gonna get us urp - us drowned!
- Just shut up and keep bailing. If somebody doesn't pick us up by morning...

*we decide this is a very good time to abandon this particular ship.*

04-12-2003, 16:53

Big Butts first-term report
[code:1:ff05026aa3]
Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oddslavo (21) 5 4 0 1 12 7 +5 12
Defari (55) 6 4 0 2 10 6 +4 12
Aquilla (27) 5 3 1 1 11 8 +3 10
Squornshelous (12) 6 2 2 2 9 9 0 8
Anti-nazis (69) 5 2 1 2 10 8 +2 7
Oreo Cookie 5 2 0 3 3 4 -1 6
Iansisle 6 1 2 3 5 6 -1 5
Big Butts 5 1 1 3 2 8 -6 4
Sliponia 5 0 3 2 1 7 -6 3
[/code:1:ff05026aa3]

Current position in class: near last (as expected)
Expected grade: D minus
Effort in class: 1/10 - Has barely been turning up for lessons.

Comments: Performed surprisingly well in recent test (outperformed Defari who had been top of the class) Suspected of cheating when got the same score as Sliponia recently, but nothing was proven.
Must start to pay more attention in class. It would also help if Big Butts would turn up for class on occasion!

Headmasters note: Big Butts seems to be missing out on a good opportunity to improve in life. Must get involved more and make some effort if is wanting to improve.

Edit
OCC: This is a kind of IC apology for not being involved much as yet. Sorry.

Rejistania

04-12-2003, 17:09

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Rejis draw against Haraki
After a dismal loss against Oglethorpia and a dogfight against Grigala, now the Orange-Blues finally played reasonably against Haraki, a team that is ranked 15th, but of which we do not need to know the rank, since it has a pronounceable name*. In Haraki, the Orange-Blues archieved a hard-fought 2-2.

This time, the Orange-Blues didn't start with the substitutes, except for Linkosa'he who replaced Susu'he after his declining performance. The Orange-Blues played defensive and Hiraki didn't allow good chances for counters. The first half ended scoreless.
In the second half, a harakian player unfortunatly breached the iron curtain and archieved the 0-1 in the 56th minute. That caused the Orange-Blues to change their tactics and to play more offensive. In the 65th minute, Lyku'he. Linkosa'he and Su'he outsmarted the Harakian defense and equalised again. But the Harakis didn't accept the draw, challenged Hexen'he several times and in the 71st minute, caused the second lead for the home team. The score was 1-2 against us. But minutes later, SyLy again equalised it after a corner, shot by Su'he. After that, both sides tried to change the result in their way, but both sides didn't succeed. The final score was a 2-2. Imdila'he described this match as: "well balanced and with an appropriate result, even if we didn't win!"

The result:
Haraki 2 (someone 56th, 71th)
Rejistania 2 (Lyku: 65th, 74th)

Rejistanian top-scorers:
Lyku: 5
Su: 3
Linkosa: 1

* Reference to the rejistanian incapability to pronounce names with too much consonants, which led to the word: The-team-that-was-ranked-25th for Squornshelous

Commerce Heights

04-12-2003, 17:17

PariMedia Sports Presents - The World Cup 10 Qualifiers
*the screen displays in large lettering 'Matchday 6'*
MO: Good evening, and welcome to PariMedia's special presentation of World Cup 10 qualifying. I'm Michael Orange --
WZ: And I'm Walter Zimmerman. The Commerce Heights squad had the day off today, so let's take a look at Bedistan's performance:
*the screen shows the score of the match, along with details and team performance and placing in their group*
[code:1:86a90b5a3d](04) Bedistan 1 (Morlock 79)
(47) LordSquall 1[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
MO: The goal by LordSquall is, of course, the Lions' first goal allowed so far in the qualifiers. The Lions are now 3-2-0 and 4th in the group going into the Dennisov game.
WZ: And now let's take a look at Dennisov's game against Kerla today:
[code:1:86a90b5a3d](14) Dennisov 5
(UR) Kerla 0[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
MO: From that result, it doesn't seem like the Lions have a chance of beating Dennisov, does it?
WZ: No, it doesn't. Anyway, Dennisov is 1st in Group 7 with an astonishing 6-0-0 record.
MO: And now we move on to Group 9, where Liverpool England is now poised to take over the top spot if Commerce Heights even draws a game:
[code:1:86a90b5a3d]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Commerce Heights (23) 5 4 1 0 10 2 +8 13
Liverpool England (2) 6 4 1 1 10 2 +8 13
Akbarland (51) 6 3 2 1 10 8 +2 11
Halfassedstates (19) 6 2 2 2 7 7 0 8
Morawny (58) 5 2 1 2 5 4 +1 7
Kravoli (81) 5 1 2 2 5 5 0 5
Pavesia 5 1 1 3 6 10 -4 4
EL CID THE HERO 5 1 1 3 1 7 -6 4
The Arrivian Alliance 5 0 1 4 2 11 -9 1[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
WZ: As you can see, the Bulldogs have only retained their position becuase they beat Liverpool England yesterday.
MO: Anyway, the game of the day in Group 9 was arguably Morawny vs Akbarland, which Morawny almost won:
[code:1:86a90b5a3d](58) Morawny 1
(51) Akbarland 2[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
WZ: While that result doesn't exactly look impressive, you have to keep in mind that Morawny led 1-0 for almost all of the game.
MO: We just have to wonder what the goalkeeper was trying to do in those last few minutes...
WZ: OK, now let's move on to Group 2, home of the hated Tanah Burung Crocodiles:
[code:1:86a90b5a3d](UR) Fradustanis 0
(24) Tanah Burung 3[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
MO: The Crocodiles are third in their group with a 4-0-1 record, the only loss coming to Lemmitania. You have to wonder how much Bulldogs fans are itching for a rematch now, don't you?
WZ: Yes, of course. Anyway, Lemmitania got another win for itself today:
[code:1:86a90b5a3d](08) Lemmitania 1
(UR) Canadian Power Trip 0[/code:1:86a90b5a3d]
Lemmitania is 1st in group 2 at 4-1-0.
MO: And, we'll bring you highlights from group 6, where CH co-hosting parterns Kaze Progressa are rolling over their opposition, after these messages.
PariMedia's presentation of the World Cup qualifiers is brought to you by Air Paripana - Paripana's Premier Airline.

Cockbill Street

04-12-2003, 17:23

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street go down on home cobbles
Fifth defeat in a row for hopeless national team

Someone named Margaret told us that writing newspaper articles is supposed to give your team better results. Well, it certainly doesn't help us. Another miserable performance by the team of failures, as they are already dubbed by the Cockbill Street populace, and all chance of qualification is of course long gone by now. The only minute hope is to avoid last place, which will prove very hard for this inexperienced team.

Today, our three-back defense was downright awful, as they let The Weegies' strikers through on a number of eight - 8 - occasions, yet Rhomb-porphyry was excellent in goal and prevented a higher scoreline. The 1-0 goal was an excellent strike from 14 yards as Peter Eversham completely failed to mark McDuff, leaving little left to do for him as he volleyed it spectacularly into the top corner. Cockbill Street's greatest chance came through Beaver in the 73rd minute, when a shot from 22 metres ended up on the River Ankh. Nobody volunteered, naturally, to retrieve the ball, on account of touching it being more poisonous than drinking a barrel of arsenic. The players agreed to this, and the Weegies provided another ball, with which they scored the 2-0 goal fifteen minutes later due to fantastically poor tackling by substitute Peter Harmison.

C-mail ratings: Rhomb-porphyry 5 - Eversham 2 (off 62 Harmison), McAlpine 4, Dolomite 3 - Petisha 5, Hammerhock 6, Granite 5 (off 76 Calcite), Axewielder 3 - Stronginthearm 4, Brashear 5 (off 55 Tungsten-carbide 6), Beaver 4

Final score:
Cockbill Street 0
The Weegies 2 (McDuff 11, Ferguson 88 )

Next, we play Snub Nose 38. We welcome them, and congratulate them on the three points in advance. No way are we going to break this trend.

We do not wish to publish the table on account of this creating national day of mourning in the country. However, we may reveal that Cockbill Street are in eighth place - what we did to deserve that the C-mail is not aware of.

imported_Nikea

04-12-2003, 17:31

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

More Wonderful Than the Wonderteam
Pandas Get 1-0 Away Win At Oglethorpia
by Markenin Markenel

SHEFFINGHAM, OGLETHORPIA(NP) - Wonderteam fans left Amalgamated Stadium in Sheffingham disappointed today, as the Pandas surprised everyone but themselves by winning 1-0.

Nikean FA President Yeskerin Orsentel watched his team win from his private box in the stands, although he almost didn't make it to his seat.

"Amalgamated Stadium has the worst staff I've seen in quite some time," Orsentel remarked at halftime. "And it is extremely difficult to find these boxes. It's almost as if they don't want anyone to sit in them. Also, that McDouglas didn't help me much either."

The incident that Mr. Orsentel referred to took place about 30 minutes prior to kick off, when Orsentel was frantically looking any way to get to his box. Along the way, he ran into Oglethorpia Football Director George McDouglas. Relieved, Mr. Orsentel asked the Football Director how to get to his box. Mr. McDouglas remarked that he had a map somewhere, and began to search through a number of papers, something which Orsentel rolled his eyes at. McDouglas took offence, and only each man's aides prevented a fistfight from erupting.

"That guy is one of the most unorganized yahoos I have ever met," Orsentel said in our half-time interview. "Then he just attacks me all of a sudden, for no good reason. No wonder this Oglethorpian team is doing so well; everyone is afraid of what their Football Director will do to their team."

Orsentel eventually found the box, after running into none other than Nilinen Istel, who now plays his football in Oglethorpia. After Istel showed the FA President to his seat, Orsentel waved off Istel's offer of a drink, as it was obvious that Nilinen was already quite drunk.

The match started right on time, unknowing of the events that had occured in its stands not half an hour ago. Both sides looked impressive in the first half, with each team trading chances. The half ended with 3 shots on target each, which were skillfully turned aside by Ken'Ichi Yamamoto and Kalessin Quertel, who were guarding the two goals. Both sides also produced a couple near misses.

The second half opened up with more of the exciting action. Torrence Black bounced a hard shot off the bar in the 53rd minute, which was cleared by Nereniel. Neseriuene took the ball to centre, and sent a nice through-ball to Aserin Nistriel, who began to bring the ball into the middle. He fooled Oglethorpian defender Louis Oswald and slotted the ball past Yamamoto for the first goal of the match, and the first goal the Pandas have scored on the Wonderteam in two games.

The Wonderteam had many impressive chances later on as they pressed for the equalizer, but the back three and Quertel were up to the task. They did not have to face many shots, as the "Red Sea", as the five midfielders were called (the red referring to the colour of their shirt), did not part for the home side. The final whistle blew with an impressive 1-0 win for the Pandas away from home.

Following the match, I went to talk to Mr. Orsentel again. "Great win for us. I kind of feel sorry for their lads, though. Louis Oswald looked kind of incompetent in Nistriel's goal there, and I can only wonder that if Drew Carey or Kate O'Brien were in there instead, that the result may have been different."

He also expressed his regret for the near bust-up before the match. "I shouldn't be so hard on McDouglas there. I will personally invite him to be my guest in my executive suite at Solarin Stadium when they make the trip to Queldas for the rematch. I can even give him some organizational tips."

Nikea now heads group five. Other matches saw Haraki and Rejistania draw 2-2, Nastic defeat SPARTEN 1-0, and Irreliventsdom defeat Grigala 1-0. The Pandas now return home for two matches, the first against Haraki at Solarin Stadium in Queldas, the second in Interiu at Interirien Field for the match against Grigala, finally ending the first half of qualifying in Rejistania to take on the Orange-Blues.

[code:1:7b57f8c83a]
Oglethorpia 0
v.
Nikea 1 (Nistriel 54)
[/code:1:7b57f8c83a]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

04-12-2003, 17:33

Two Draws Plague Timway

The Tigers recently earned losses in their two most recent games, but luckily the other teams did not capitalize and the Tigers were credited with draws. Timway remains undefeated with 11 points, which places them third in Group 4. TBF, Group leader and also holders of an absurdly high goal differential, lead the group, with their only defeat being at the hands of the Tigers 1-0 on day 2 of qualifying, in the dreadfully unfriendly and foul-smelling Belmore region, no less. The Tigers weak play over the last two days against Bernard and Germutisnotawordthaticanspell was an abhorration which will be remedied tomorrow, when the team travels to Monotonous Malarchy, which was defeated soundly today 5-0 by TBF. Based on the TIM-TBF result, this affair should be even more one-sided.

Reporting from the only undefeated nation in Group 4, this is Som White Guy, signing off.

04-12-2003, 17:34

To: "Margaret," Snub Nose 38 Private Citizen

From: "Globmazh," Warnocks Wizards Private Citizen

Dear Marge,

Do you mind if I call you Marge? Hope this note finds you well. Please find enclosed a small bundle of currency (or maybe it's not there, <nod nod wink wink>). Perhaps you could perform some of your voodoo that you do so well on a few unsuspecting rubber chickens for my empire. No need to harm real chickens. Warnocks Wizards could use some help in World Cup qualifying. Cheers,

"Globmazh"
Truly, a private citizen, in no way connected with Warnocks Wizards Football Federation

Halfassedstates

04-12-2003, 17:54

Sowhatsville News

Crewgar back with a bang

The return of Freddy Crewgar to the Halfassed fold has caused a major change in events. Firstly, his return prompted Jarvis Smith to change to a 4-3-3 formation, with Ward dropping out of midfield and Crewgar slotting in up front. There also seemed to be a change in confidence in the Halfassed side.

The first half of the match against Kravoli saw Halfassed surprisingly slid 2-0 down thanks to a couple of errors by the returning Wayman. Unsurprisingly he was subbed at half-time and once again, Jennung played tremendously in goal, up front, Gunnett came off for Mark Time.
It almost seemed destined for Halfassed to drop out of contention completely until the 72nd minute, when Bundy combined with Milton on the right, and when the cross came in, that man Crewgar decided it was time to make his mark. He took the ball down on his chest played a quick 1-2 with Time and slid the ball past the on rushing keeper.
Ten minutes later, the come-back was complete, this time Crewgar set-up Bundy, whose first time strike almost ripped the net off the goal. 2-2
Despite pressing, Halfassed couldn't get the winner, but the point kept things going.

It was to be the next match in which Crewgar would really impress. With Jennung taking over in nets, Halfassed travelled to Pavesia hoping for another win on the road.
In the 6th minute, Milton latched on to a Bundy through ball and rounded the keeper before opening the scoring. Just before half-time however, the sides were even. A brilliant passing move by the Pavesia midfield left the Halfassed side chasing shadows, and the final ball into the box was so perfect that the striker didn't even break stride as he deflected it past a bemused Jennung. The whole stadium, including the Halfassed fans, and if I'm honest myself stood up to applaud what may well have been the best goal in history!!
Thankfully for Halfassed, the half-time break gave them a chance to re-group, and in the 48th minute Crewgar had given them the lead back. This time it was a quickly taken free-kick on the edge of the box that gave him an extra yard on the defense, and that was all he needed to hammer the ball home. 2-1
As Pavesia pressed for the equaliser, they got caught by the classic sucker-punch. A corner was caught by Jennung, who quickly threw the ball to Soap who took off down the left wing, just as the cover seemed to be getting across to cut out the danger, Soap drove in a low ball that Crewgar met on the run before cooly flicking it over the diving keeper. 3-1 and game over.

It was a tremendous win for Halfassed on the road, they have now taken 6pts out of 6 away from home, while only taking 2 from 12 at home!

The side are now 4th in the group before their bye week. Then come 5 tough away matches against El Cid, LE, CH, Akbar and The A.A. By the end of that run, the side should have a fair idea of their chances of qualification.

Kaze Progressa

04-12-2003, 18:18

Big Butts first-term report
[code:1:687b25bd5d]
Group 10 P W D L F A GD Pts
Oddslavo (21) 5 4 0 1 12 7 +5 12
Defari (55) 6 4 0 2 10 6 +4 12
Aquilla (27) 5 3 1 1 11 8 +3 10
Squornshelous (12) 6 2 2 2 9 9 0 8
Anti-nazis (69) 5 2 1 2 10 8 +2 7
Oreo Cookie 5 2 0 3 3 4 -1 6
Iansisle 6 1 2 3 5 6 -1 5
Big Butts 5 1 1 3 2 8 -6 4
Sliponia 5 0 3 2 1 7 -6 3
[/code:1:687b25bd5d]

Current position in class: near last (as expected)
Expected grade: D minus
Effort in class: 1/10 - Has barely been turning up for lessons.

Comments: Performed surprisingly well in recent test (outperformed Defari who had been top of the class) Suspected of cheating when got the same score as Sliponia recently, but nothing was proven.
Must start to pay more attention in class. It would also help if Big Butts would turn up for class on occasion!

Headmasters note: Big Butts seems to be missing out on a good opportunity to improve in life. Must get involved more and make some effort if is wanting to improve.

Edit
OCC: This is a kind of IC apology for not being involved much as yet. Sorry.

OOC: That's better than most RPs we see from regular RPers IMO. Certainly better than not RPing at all as most newbies do.

IC: From the Kangaroo after matchday 5:

SEVEN-UP

Kaze Progressa moved an astonishing seven points clear at the top of Group 6 after a 2-0 defeat of Eauz in the Progressair Stadium.

The Progressans dominated the match from start to finish, rattling the frame of the goal Eauz barely defended before virtually sealing the match with a 28th-minute goal from Huqi Vaiwalo-Mua's left-footed cross-shot that left the goalkeeper befuddled. The Progressans simply shut up shop after that, happy to keep possession and wait for their moment for a clinching goal. It came eight minutes from the end when Fek Inhea's glorious pass was deflected towards Ertal Lubbarez, who slotted home into the bottom corner. It was his first international goal, just sixteen minutes into his international career.

The Progressans have a welcome break before their next match.

Iansisle

04-12-2003, 18:28

From Page 2D of the Ianapalis Star-Tribune:

Divine Intervention at Work?
Ians win 2-0; Coach Riveran: "No one’s more shocked than I!"

Jamie C. Peters
Staff Writer

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- If a good sized gale had been blowing through Westergate Grounds after the Iansisle-Big Butts game yesterday, there’s a good chance it would have knocked over the entire team, their coach, and the crowd of spectators. Every eye in the place was fixed on one thing: the scoreboard. The game was over; that was certain enough, but the score stood not only with the Ians in the lead, but by two goals!

The complete and utter silence continued to hang over the stadium for a good five minutes, before at last goalkeeper Benny Answorth (who had shut out the Big Butts side all day) let out a victory whoop, and the celebration was officially on.

Later, in the Ians locker room, Coach Lord Riveran agreed to speak with the press, even his hair drenched with alcohol.

“I hope they shan’t think us poor sports,” mused the coach, his voice quiet and pensive. “I mean, this was our first victory - we weren’t quite sure how to handle it.”

The Tribune-Star then attempted to interview striker Mark Miller, who had scored Iansisle’s second goal of the match, but found the diminutive passed out in one corner of the room. Instead, we angled ourselves over to John Flaherty, who had poked his third goal of the season (out of Iansisle’s five) in the 17th minute.

“Well, I hate to brag,” he said while quite clearly bragging, “but we really out-played them. I mean, Benny did a great job in goal and all that, but we were dominating everywhere. There had what, three real scoring chances? We just kept the football in our attacking zone, and there was nothing they could do.” The Tribune’s reporter kept transcribing Flaherty’s words for another six minutes before realizing the star striker was just rambling on.

-----

Town Forum
Gousburg, Dianatran, the Commonwealth

“No, no, it’s one lower! Lower!”

“Quiet, all of you! I know what I’m doing!”

“Hurry, Albert! It’s starting!”

“I’m telling you, it’s lower!”

“Damn it, Will, this is my wireless set! I know what I’m doing!”

“Wait, there it is!”

With a soft crackle of static, the voice of a calm IanCorp reporter came from the wireless’s speakers. At once, the entire crowd hushed themselves, struggling to hear word of their hometown hero, Ians’ sweeper Conrad Brandt.

“...Welcome back. This is James MacMadison. I’m here in beautiful Oddslavo, speaking live with Iansisle Ians striker John Flaherty, defender Conrad Brandt, and assistant coach David Westmore. Now, Dave, before the break, I believe you were talking about Iansisle’s heart-breaking 0-1 defeat here in Oddslavo?”

“Thanks, Jim,” came Westmore’s pleasantly soft Gadsanian drawl. “I was indeed. I think it’s really hard to lay blame on any member of the team for this loss. I think that everyone, just like in Squornshelous, played their hearts out, but in our weakened condition, we were really never a match for Oddslavo.”

“If I may cut in here,” came Flaherty’s precise, neat Shieldian accent. “I really must agree with Coach Westmore here, Jim. In fact, against such a solid side, I think the fact that we almost drew even should be considered an achievement of the first rank.”

“Thank you both for your input,” replied the reporter, and there was the sound of papers being shuffled. “Now, I think it’s time to move on to a slightly happier subject. Leonard, with three of the Ians five goals so far this campaign, you’ve become something of a folk hero to the football fans in the Commonwealth. Would it surprise you to know that my son has a poster of you alongside his shots of Earl Thomas and Martin St. Amour?”

“Jim, it would surprise me to know they made a poster of me,” laughed Flaherty. “Seriously, though, I must say I’m quite honored by the level of commitment to us shown by people across the Commonwealth, even though we’re hardly the best team in the World Cup.”

“Yeah,” cut in Westmore, “Did you see the crowds at the game against Big Butts? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Westergate Grounds so full!”

“I saw!” exclaimed Conrad Brandt, in his somewhat clipped Dianatranian accent. Back home, the crowd cheered. “The gate-master told me there was something in the order of forty thousand people there!” His comments were punctuated by soft whistles.

“I’d just like to say, I’m a little embarrassed to be the focus of so much fan attention,” continued Flaherty. “I mean, this is a team sport, and without a team effort, we wouldn’t get anywhere. I hope you’ll forgive me for this, Benny, but I’ve been real surprised by how terrific our goalkeeping has been.”

“Indeed,” replied Brandt. “Benny’s been doing a great job back there, and I know that first-hand.”

“That reminds me,” said Flaherty, “A lot of the credit has to go to Conrad and our superb defense squad. Without them, we’d all have a much harder time of it. And, without a doubt, I’d like to say that Conrad is one of the best football players I’ve ever been on a team with, even if he is just a ragclad hollywack.”

For a few seconds, just dead air hung over the radio. Listeners could hear a chair scraping back slowly.

“What did you just say, Leonard?” came Brandt’s voice, in a very low, dangerous tone.

“What? All I said was -”

“Maybe this would be a good time to cut into commercial, Jim,” said Westmore quickly as a shouting match broke out in the background.

“Ah, right, good idea, that. Folks at home, we’re just going to give you a brief word from our sponsors. I’m James MacMadison, and SportsCable will be right back!”

Halfassedstates

04-12-2003, 18:34

*We watch a young girl excitedly collect the mail and run back into the house. By the time we have made it inside we see the girl furiously writing down things into a notepad. We can make out some words that have been written in capitals - SILVER STRING, EAGLE FEATHERS, RED CANDLE ANTI-CLOCKWISE (the last bit is underlined twice!), Once the notes have been made, the girl re-reads the letter smiling and giggling at parts and staring with concentration at others. Finally, she takes a blanh sheet of paper out of her pad and starts writing*

Auntie Margaret,
Thank-you for the letter, it has helped me a lot.

I had been using a chicken okay, but I had only been using Rooster feathers and tying them with a piece of twine to the pouch. I had been drawing the pentagram okay, but i think i had been placing the candles slightly out of place and had been lighting them clockwise to finish at the red candle - how silly am I!!!

I think the football team have a couple of days off before the next game, so i will try and get the proper 'equipment' before the next game!
I read about you having some trouble with Sal Manela, so I put a wee curse on them that may help get them out of your road! (I hope thats okay, but it sounded like they upset you and I don't like hearing you're upset!)

I thinnk I know what you mean about bozos - a boy in school really doesn't understand anything that is going on, but he always seems to end up ok and everyone thinks he did it all - its really strange and confusing how everyone else doesn't see whats going on!

I was searching through some of Nana's stuff the other day to find out more about the ritual and whatnot. I have found a book about the 'Curse of the Three' - it's a bit complicated, but i am begining to understand it. (I think) I will write to you again soon when I have read through it more - I would send it to you, but its a big book and its Nanas so I better not.

It's just started snowing here - I'll be able to build a snowman soon. I hope its nice in Sten and your not working too much. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love as always,
Mag.

*At this point we decide to leave the lodge and head back down the hillside towards the nearest village. Camping's all well and good, but you can't beat a good ol' fashioned inn with a roaring fire and a couple of beers!*

Kaze Progressa

04-12-2003, 19:00

(Posting as KP but this is a Jaurania post, despite coming from the KP media.)

From the Daily Kangaroo:

WAR ON SMILEYISM: Jaurania contemplates Lanky invasion

Jaurania has announced it will declare unilateral military action on Lanky Dude if it does not remove its weapon stocks and improve its primitive communication systems within the next seven years or seven days, whichever time method is used.

The Jauranian actions, believed to be motivated by the use of Smileys of Mass Destruction in the capital of Lanky Dude at Jauranian targets before and during the World Cup X qualifier between the two nations which Lanky Dude won 2-0, courtesy of two smiley-bomb attacks on Jauranian defender Garaz Zarli who is recovering in a Fellaix hospital.

Some rumours state that Jaurania may seek the support of Commerce Heights and Europa Brittania, the World Cup champions who lost 2-1 in the same stadium last week after another series of smiley-bombs during the match enabled two injury-time goals for the Lanky Dudes. It is unknown whether Kaze Progressa will support the Jauranians, after a severing of ties between the two nations since Jauranian independence was declared.

04-12-2003, 19:09

Moose Runaway with the Prize

All Doom as Warnocks Wizards Fall Yet Again at “Fortress” Warnock

From our news services...

Matchday 6, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–So much for home field advantage. Warnocks Wizards fell yet again versus Group 3 opposition at Fortress Warnock, 3-2 to the Runaway Moose. In a see-saw game where there were three lead changes and a myriad of chances for both sides, the National Team could be forgiven for feeling hard done by. But, as Wizardites know so well, there are no points gained for nearly achieving victory or qualification.

Manager Ufwurz the Furious made one change to the side that defeated whinging Usania. Target man Ashmazh the Tough started in place of fleet striker Zagag the Sleak. The Wizards lined up in their favoured 4-3-1-2 on Elven Archer night at Fortress Warnock. It was obvious from the opening kick off that both sides had brought their shooting boots to Mount Doom.

The Moose had the first chance of the game when striker Beast hoofed it over from two yards. Ishklash the Snooty followed with an effort of his own, but keeper Gigas saved it with his left antler. The visitors made good on their next attempt on 10 minutes. Nif’s ball into the box eluded Captain Shagrukh the Strongclaw and bobbled into the path of Nina, who did well to finish past Wizard keeper Ishhak the Smasher. 1-0 to the Moose. The large home crowd of Ents, stunned by the early lead of the Alces Rex side, nearly booed the referee off of the pitch with their bellowing after Ghazukh the Burner was adjudged to have fouled Nina in the box just six minutes later. Fortunately, Antlura’s penalty kick was parried away by Ishhak, who was greeted with a hero’s cheer by the home faithful. The Red and White Wizards then leveled the match on 20 minutes. Ghaztrak the Gouger’s driven cross found the head of Ashmazh, who did well to steer the ball past Gigas. There followed a period of play where the home side valiantly tried to take the lead, but the Alces Rex defense, particularly fan favourite Bilbo, was up to the task. The first half ended at 1-1.

Following halftime entertainment by the Posthumous Haldir Archers (the Elven archers aren’t themselves posthumous, just their founder Haldir) during which they performed acrobatic stunts while firing arrows into mock replicas of the Maxifree Stadium, the two teams retook the field. The Red and White Wizards began the half well and it was no surprise when they took the lead for the first time in the match. On 53 minutes, Burzgob the Butcher’s telling ball found Bagdreg the Mauler, whose first-time rocket of a shot blasted past Gigas. 2-1 to the Red and White Wizards and the home crowd were loving it. The good cheer was to last a short time as the visiting Moose struck right back on the hour mark. Antlura’s cross found an open Beast in the box, who did well to power the ball past an on-rushing Ishhak. 2-2. Trying to add some width to his attack, Manager Ufwurz sent on the Emaciated Akhklash. The substitution nearly led to a third for the home side. Ishklash’s initial shot was punched away by Gigas. The rebound fell to Akhklash, but he will be kicking himself for chipping the opportunity over the bar when it would have been easier to score. The Wizards would rue not finishing the chance as Alces Rex duly dawdled down field and scored what would prove to be the match winner on 70 minutes. It was the Beast again who overpowered two Red and White defenders and thundered a volley past Ishhak. 3-2 to the Moose. The Wizards desperately tried to find an equaliser. There was some controversy when substitute attacker Zagag the Sleak was apparently felled in the penalty area by Kiwi. The referee refused to blow his whistle, sending Ufwurz into fits in the dugout. The match finished Warnocks Wizards 2, Runaway Moose 3.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher, Ghaztrak the Gouger, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ufdush the Nasty, Burzgob the Butcher (Akhklash the Emaciated 63), Bagdreg the Mauler, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Gabdul the Looter (Zagag the Sleak 74), Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Akhburz the Straggler, Globdreg the Destroyer.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards travel to surprise side Lanky Dude. The National Team must get a result in that contest or their dreams of reaching One Giant Red Dot Zucchini may be well and truly shattered.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Snub Nose 38

04-12-2003, 19:40

To: "Globmazh," Warnocks Wizards Private Citizen

(Mister Postman: We believe this private citizen can be located in the capital city of Warnocks Wizards, perhaps somewhere adjacent to the capital building - but that's just a guess.)

Dear Mr. (or whatever title is most appropriate) Globmazh:

The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 did not receive your letter, addressed to one "Margaret".

Since the letter was not received, it could not be forwarded to Margaret (who is only called "Marge" at your peril. None of us dare.). The small bundle of currency which was not included in the letter that was not received was not forwarded to Margaret as well.

Upon non-receipt of the nothing that wasn't forwarded to her, Margaret went out shopping for some additional chickens. Unfortunately, we do not know why, and can only surmise that she is planning a dinner party of some sort.

I have been asked by The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Free Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 to respond to the letter we didn't receive. This would be that response, had we received the letter - which we didn't.

With Best Wishes for you Football Team
(Unless they happen to play the Hooligans)
Jack Cass
Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery

It didn't happen. It will never happen. It isn't happening now.

NASTIC 2

04-12-2003, 20:34

Nastic Sports Review

Tables Post-Matchday 6

The Nastic national team has now won 50% of the games they have played so far.

And after six games they only 3 points away from a record amount for Nastic in qualifying tournament for a World cup, We can only put this down to our new training methods but long may our success continue.

Of course this will all come crashing to a halt when we meet our next opponants the mighty Rejistania who are ranked 22 places above Nastic in the world rankings and just 3 points behind us.

Qualifying Group 5:

Matchday 1
Nastic 3-0 Senoj

Matchday 2
Nastic 2-1 Grigala

Matchday 3
Nastic 1-1 Nikea

Matchday 4
Irrevilentsdom 1-1 Nastic

Matchday 5
Nastic 0-2 Oglethorpia

Matchday 6
SPARTEN 0-1 Nastic

Matchday 8
Rejistania v Nastic

Matchday 9
Haraki v Nastic

Matchday 10
Senoj v Nastic

Matchday 11
Grigala v Nastic

Matchday 12
Nikea v Nastic

Matchday 13
Nastic v Irrevilentsdom

Matchday 14
Oglethorpia v Nastic

Matchday 15
Nastic v SPARTEN

Matchday 17
Nastic v Rejistania

Matchday 18
Nastic v Haraki

[code:1:79f11284bd]
Group 5 Qualifying Table

P W D L F A Pts

Group 5 P W D L F A Pts
Nikea (31) 5 4 1 0 8 1 13
Oglethorpia (5) 5 4 0 1 12 4 12
NASTIC 2 (60) 6 3 2 1 8 5 11
Haraki (15) 6 2 2 2 9 7 8
Rejistania (38) 5 2 2 1 10 11 8
Irrevilentsdom 5 1 2 2 3 6 5
Senoj 5 1 1 3 2 8 4
Grigala 6 1 0 5 4 8 3
SPARTEN 5 1 0 4 2 8 3
[/code:1:79f11284bd]

The Belmore Family

04-12-2003, 20:49

TBF WIN 5-0 OVER MONTUNATOS MONARCHY

TBF have recorded their second best win in the WC with a 5-0 win over MM. Alan Belmore scored 4 of the 5 goals with the other coming from Goalie Will Edwards who scored by just running with the ball literally the length of the pitch and placing the ball in the back of the net

THE BELMORE FAMILY 5
Alan Belmore (1, 7, 29, 87) Will Edwards (90+4)

MONTUNATOUS MONARCHY 0

Commerce Heights

04-12-2003, 23:22

(OOC: continued from post on previous page)
MO: Welcome back to PariMedia's presentation of the World Cup 10 qualifiers. As we were saying before the break, Kaze Progressa has had an excellent qualifying run so far. How'd they do today, Walter?
WZ: Mike, they didn't play today.
MO: Oh, yes, that's right, of course. But they still have a 4-point lead at the top of Group 6, with a 5-0-0 record.
WZ: And that 1st position in the group is at the expense of nations such as Kingsford and Spaam. Anyway, WC9 Bulldogs opponent Eauz is second in the group, and played a nation with the unfortunate name of 'Dead Man' that recently started playing international soccer.
[code:1:ff98ff94a5](44) Eauz 1
(UR) Dead Man 0[/code:1:ff98ff94a5]
MO: Excuse me? Dead Man has been playing World Cup soccer since before the Bulldogs started. They just quit for a while, and they're unranked now.
WZ: Oh, is that it? Anyway, it goes to Eauz's credit that they were able to defeat such an old World Cup veteran team.
MO: Just because they've been around for a while doesn't mean they're good.
WZ: Moving right along, Spaam and Kingsford played today, but the result was less than interesting:
[code:1:ff98ff94a5](37) Spaam 1
(10) Kingsford 1[/code:1:ff98ff94a5]
MO: Why'd you show that result? There's nothing to talk about in the Kingsford-Spaam game.
WZ: Oh well...you pick a game, then.
MO: In group 1, the well-known Snub Nose 38 - or is it 20? or 6? I can't ever remember - lost for the second time to the sentient vegetables of Evisceratomatoes.
[code:1:ff98ff94a5](74) Evisceratomatoes 1
(06) Snub Nose 38 0[/code:1:ff98ff94a5]
WZ: It only makes sense that they'd lose to the creatures that were created to eviscerate them, doesn't it?
MO: Not really, the Hooligans are ranked 6th in the world. 6th-ranked teams usually beat 74th-ranked teams.
WZ: Anyway, that's all the time we have for today. For more scores and highlights, log on to parimediasports.ic. This has been a presentation of PariMedia Sports. This broadcast is sponsored by Air Paripana and it may not be stored, modified, or reproduced in any way without the written consent of PariMedia. Good night!
*PariMedia logo appears on screen, then fades out*

Bedistan

04-12-2003, 23:35

Bedistan Gambling Service odds on the upcoming home match against Dennisov:

Bedistan 1-1 (fav) | draw 7-1 | Dennisov 3-2

Oglethorpia

05-12-2003, 00:36

The Bureaucratic Tribune

Nikea punts Oglethorpia
Wonderteam bumbles match against Nikea before their home crowd

By Bill Christmas

OGLETHORPIA (BT) -- The Nikean Pandas flew into Oglethorpia to face off with the Wonderteam in revamped Amalgamated Stadium; after identifying the Nikean squad as really being the Nikean squad, they shipped off to Amalgamated Stadium.

Here, the Pandas were once again identified; and after a lengthly passport identification, the team was allowed into the stadium.

Nikean Football Association President Yeskerin Orsentel had his own bout with Oglethorpian bureaucracy. Said Orsentel, "Amalgamated Stadium has the worst staff I've seen in quite some time. And it is extremely difficult to find these boxes. It's almost as if they don't want anyone to sit in them. Also, that McDouglas didn't help me much either."

George McDouglas could not be reached for comment.

The Nikea-Oglethorpia match would finally get underway after extended match opening ceremonies.

The Pandas and the Wonderteam remained even; Ken'Ichi Yamamoto and Kallesin Quertel displaying the best of their skills. Torrence Black would attempt to score the Wonderteam's first in the 53rd, but the Oglethorpian fans would let out a sigh as the shot deflected off the crossbar.

"The Panda's five-man midfield defeated us. We had three strikers out there, but the 'Red Sea' as they like to call it ate us up. We lost the match by a small margin, true, but it's a disappointing loss at home," said coach Guy Picciotto.

The Pandas -- Wonderteam match would end 1-nil, Nikea winning off a goal by Nistriel in the 54th minute.

"We tried our hardest," said team captain Fernando Green. "We're going to be on top of our game when we head to Nikea to face off with the Pandas again. Hopefully, we'll repeat the success we had when we faced them in the first round of World Cup IX."

The Wonderteam faced the Pandas in the first round of World Cup IX, hosted by Ravenspire and Europa Brittania. That match ended 3-nil, the Wonderteam taking home a win with a squad identical to that of World Cup X's, save for the replacement of defender Bruce Corwin with Louis Oswald.

"I dunno, man," said Torrence Black. "We did all the same things we did in the Nikea-Oglethorpia match four years ago; except this time, we lost. They must have done their homework, because d was the word- or letter- of the day. We didn't get anything."

"All we can do," said coach Picciotto, "is hit the drawing board. We've got one more match against Nikea in qualifying; our third match vs. the Pandas in World Cup history; and we're going to make something of the match this time."

Here's how group five shakes down.

[code:1:997234879e]
Group 5 P W D L F A GD Pts
Nikea (31) 5 4 1 0 8 1 +7 13
Oglethorpia (5) 5 4 0 1 12 4 +8 12
NASTIC 2 (60) 6 3 2 1 8 5 +3 11
Haraki (15) 6 2 2 2 9 7 +2 8
Rejistania (38) 5 2 2 1 10 11 -1 8
Irrevilentsdom 5 1 2 2 3 6 -3 5
Senoj 5 1 1 3 2 8 -6 4
Grigala 6 1 0 5 4 8 -4 3
SPARTEN 5 1 0 4 2 8 -6 3

[/code:1:997234879e]

The Nikean Pandas and the Oglethorpian Wonderteam lead the tables; Nikea, fresh off their victory vs. the Wonderteam leading group five. Both Nikea and Oglethorpia have only played five matches, the two nations trailing behind with one more match on the two national sides.

Matchday 9 will see equality in the number of games played, with all the bye weeks having been fulfilled for half of qualifying.

Next, the Oglethorpian Wonderteam will face Grigala, an away match for the Wonderteam led by Fernando Green. "We're going to try our best, and get back on our feet after this loss," said the midfielder/team captain.

Aquilla

05-12-2003, 04:27

Welcome back to KCHR! Some problems with our equipment kept us from broadcasting, but now we're back! Aquilla has done quite well in the world cup, including a 4-3 victory over Squornshelous. In fact, we even had a perfect record before Oddslavo beat us 3-2. Yesterday we drew with unranked Sliponia 1-1. The 800,000 screaming Sliponia fans didn't help, neither did the lemon pies thrown at our players. Our star forward named...

Arnigis...
Arnagus...

********* you just can't read these Ribletno names! [ooc: his name is Rngsrtrvtn] Anyway he's proud that he scored our only goal with a lemon pie in his face! But then again, a goal was scored against us with a lemon pie in the face of Strontllll, boy Alphanasian names are wierd too, our goalie. Never fear! We'll retaliate in 7 days with CHOCOLATE PIE!! Tremble in fear you cowards in Sliponia! Arrrrgh!!!!

Owait, I'm still on the air, sorry about that. Tomorrow we face 55th ranked Defari. It should be a blast to defeat them, especially seeing as that we're playing in Eagle Field, but they've had an unusual success rate recently. So hold your breath.

[ooc: since I can't RP Eaglet I'll RP the trial...]

Now, we're waiting on a delegate from TnUI to attend the trial held in Eagletville, the capital of Eaglet. You have the right to a fair trial and all that sort of rot that we never pay any attention to. Be there. Why am I saying this on public radio?

In other news, Lanky Dude's perfect record, including their defeat of #1 Europa Brittania, was broken by...

...I can't read this. But it was broken. Still, former Aquillan rivals are hot on their way to a cup victory.

Commerce Heights, Aquillan archenemies, and Bedistan, their cohorts, are ranking high. Typical. They must have found some way of bribing the host! Ah hah! So that's it! They thought they were getting away but now they've been caught! Hahaha >crackle fizz pop<

>discontinuity<

[i]A severely chastised talk radio host comes back on the air

Grigala, continual mosquitoes as they are, are not doing to well. Serves them right!

In unrelated news, an abortion was performed as a protest in a clinic inside of Aquilla's capital, the first abortion in 49 years. The woman and doctor were promptly put to death. The president has said...........

Total n Utter Insanity

05-12-2003, 06:29

Now, we're waiting on a delegate from TnUI [I'td be too complex to find evidence against GZ and Rvnsp] to attend the trial held in Eagletville, the capital of Eaglet. You have the right to a fair trial and all that sort of rot that we never pay any attention to. Be there. Why am I saying this on public radio?

OOC:
Problem 1. There are no radios in TnUI.

Problem 2. TnUI is in the middle of a tiny civil war, current fatalities around about the 2 million mark.

Lanky dude

05-12-2003, 14:52

LANKY DUDE LOOSE TO NEW COMER

A dreadful result for LD sporting. Even though we did have a great win 5-1 over TnUI(Suckers....) We lost to some Unranked side that the paper has sub-conciusly put into the back of their minds. Therefor our report will be on the Lanky Dude Side.

In Goal we have Sir Lanky the first a great GK who has helped the team much to victory.

In defence we have
2. Alan Lanky-A upcoming star from LD's Lanky City
3. Tom Lanky-A golden oldie at 40. Ironically enough that is also his wieght in stones!
4. David Lanky- A real hard man, an ex-mafia boss.
5. Harry Lanky-Famous for having a late night romp with the Prime Minister in the late 90s.

Playing in Midfield
6. Garry Lanky-Famously engaged to David Lanky, another hard member of the team.
7. Raol Lanky-This guy is very lanky! He is 4 meters high! and has a waist of only 5cms!
8. Richard Harreros-Lanky - The real homosexual of the team, not very much liked.
9. Tom Lanky-Cool, Calm and Collected, need I say more?

Upfront:
10. David Busby-Widely recognised as the worst striker ever. All of the LD population want to play in midfield, so we can't get anyone else.
11. George Lanky-Potted 4 goals against TnUI!

Ravenspire

05-12-2003, 15:37

Tears of Clowns
Ravens Edge Zinkoland

Big Tent, Zinkoland -- The Ravens visited the nation-scale amusement park that is Zinkoland yesterday, defeating the unexpectedly strong Clowns 1-0 to extend their perfect streak to six games.

Initially, the black and crimson were slightly off-balance upon entering the rather odd nation. Striker Kaede Kitsuki summed up the situation neatly, musing, "It's the only three-ring stadium I've ever seen." Still, the team overcame such distractions as the bright, clashing colors worn by the Zinkoland side and the upbeat carnival music that played on the stadium speakers throughout, maintaining their defensive game against a surprisingly strong offensive thrust in the first half.

The Ravens proved unable to make any headway themselves, however; their one real offensive push in the first half was ruined when the game had to be put on hold as an elephant wandered onto the pitch. (Because of the delay, the match result was not available by press time yesterday. We apologize for the delay. --ed.) Having lost their momentum, the Ravens seemed unable to recover it, and the match stood scoreless at the half.

The national side rallied at the start of the second half, with striker Hikari Kitsu evading a seltzer barrage and sinking a goal in the 60th minute of play. It proved to be the only goal of the match; later drives by Kaede Kitsuki and Amara Akizuki were thwarted by a cream pie and a stray banana peel, respectively, while for their part the Ravens displayed their traditional solid defense. "It was a close match," said coach Zhen Sui-Ling, "but the team was resolved to show that we wouldn't be beaten by these Clowns."

The victory maintains the Ravens' significant lead in their group. Following a bye for the next matchday, they will visit Davii and Audioslavia -- the latter among the most-anticipated matches scheduled -- to conclude the first half of the qualifyiers.

Snub Nose 38

05-12-2003, 15:55

”THE PERILS OF PAULINE” – EPISODE 17
Don’t forget to pick up your FREE dinner plate on your way out of the theater –
The Management

The Story so far: The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, national football side of the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38, just lost a World Cup 10 qualifying match to Evisceratomatoes. Their Manager, Sal Manela, along with his offensive and defensive (and they are very offensive, and not a little defensive about it) Sally Forth and Ivan Tabytcha, fled the country in a small leaky rowboat. Apparently Sal had a message from Bi Kikere, Once and Future Manager of the Tanah Burung Crocodiles that Sal interpreted as a possible offer of employment. That remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, in The Queendom of Little Miss Muffet, the previous Manager of the Hooligans, Ben Dover (and his assistant, his wife Eileen) are having a marvelous run of luck with the Muffeteers, Little Miss Muffets’ entrant into the 2nd season of the Giant Evil Spider Football League. It is taking it’s toll on Ben, though – he’s been carried off the field in apoplectic fits before the end of the last several matches.

In the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages, someone known only as “Margaret” (not Marge – the last two people to call her “Marge” simply disappeared) has been corresponding with her niece, Mag O’The Woods and Streams, who lives in Sowhatsville, Halfassedstates. Mag was having some “difficulties”, and Auntie Margaret is kindly providing some guidance and help. Auntie Margaret is also providing some “help” to the Red Wizards of Warnocks Wizards – for a sizeable “donation”. This is a state secret in both Warnocks Wizards and Snub Nose 38, and has been denied by the Minister of Super Secret Sluethery.

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and…hmmm…enough, already. All the previous episodes are on tape, stored back in this “thread” thing. If you need more catching up – go review the tapes. You can borrow the film room in the managers’ office at the Snub Nose 38 national stadium, “38 Special”.

And now – EPISODE 17 of “The Perils of Pauline”!
hey, art. who the heck is this ‘pauline’?

SCENE 1 – A Missive from Auntie Margaret

*we’re sitting in the back seat, and are of the opinion that the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is either a terrible driver, or has had a few too many “alcoholic beverages” – or possibly both. he’s driving like a maniac! margaret, in burgundy robe and midnight blue hooded cape, is riding “shotgun”. she has just finished reading a letter from her niece, mag. what a sweet child! she folds up the letter carefully, and stores it in an interior pocket of her cape. then she looks up.*

- Hey! Slow down, you idiot! You trying to get us killed!

*the minister eases off the gas pedal without a word. he glances over at margaret, who glares at him. he offers a weak smile, and turns his attention back to his driving. margaret turns hers’ to writing a letter to mag*

Mag O’The Woods and Streams
Sowhatsville
Halfassedstates

Dearest Mag;

How nice to hear from you again! Hope all there are well. I’m very pleased to hear that my little hints and suggestions were helpful.

The Minister and I are moving back to the Penthouse Office Suite at the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages at the kind invitation of The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38. It seems he feels we could focus our attention on the Hooligans better from the Ministry – less distractions there, he believes, than at the Estate. I’m of the opinion it has more to do with “Evisceratomatoes 1, Hooligans 0” than anything else. Well – at least it’s not the basement offices, or that dirty old tent.

You don’t mention Nana Ogg or your Mum in your letter, Sweetie. Have they returned to the cabin? Is everything all right?

Your little curse on Sal Manela seems to have worked only too well! He’s completely disappeared. Dropped clean out of sight, along with Sally Forth and that Ivan Tabytcha. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. I’ve just about talked the Minister into making an offer to Ben and Eileen. They could handle this squad.

Hon, I pitched a little spell at the “Curse of The Three” for you the other day. Hope it helps.

Well, I have to close now. The Minister is “driving”, and that requires all my attention! I’ll write again soon. Give my love to everyone there.

Much Love,
Aunt Margaret

*margaret folds her letter to mag and slips it into an envelope. she reaches into her left pocket, stops, then reaches into her right pocket. she pulls out a sterling silver string, which she carefully places in the envelope, which she then addresses, seals, and puts in her pocket. she’ll post it as soon as they arrive in sten.*

SCENE 2 – Manager, Manager, Who’s Got The Manager?

*we step out of the bathroom to find the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages in heated discussion with margaret. the minister’s face is red, and his breath is a bit catchy. margaret is facing away from him, looking out the window. the minister has an empty beer glass in his left hand. the butler is kneeling nearby and wiping up the beer that was in the glass a minute ago, a very displeased look on his face. the other butler (we think they’re twins) is entering from the kitchen carrying a tray of appetizers.*

- …idiotic fools! If we find ‘em, I’ll have ‘em flayed! I may even have ‘em filleted!
- Calm down. Shouting and jumping about isn’t going to accomplish anything, unless you manage to fall over and hurt yourself.
- Calm down! Calm down! Those incompetent dolts have cost me my Estate – my Title – my…
- My god, man! We didn’t get exiled to Elba, did we? We’re not in the basement! We’re not hiding in the desert, or huddling around an open fire at a hobo camp for warmth!
- We’re not in the sitting room of my 32 room mansion, sipping 100 year old brandy and smoking fine Cuban cigars while the staff musicians play Mozart, either.
- We will persevere, lame-brain. First thing first.
- First, I want Sal Manela’s head on a platter!
- Settle for those stuffed mushrooms or the “pigs-in-blankets” on that platter, and let’s get on with business.
- Business?
- If Manela is gone – and he’s either gone, or you will apparently make him gone if he is so foolish as to show up – then we need to find a Manager for the Hooligans.
- …gack…
- Why don’t you reach in through your left ear, and turn on that one little lonesome brain cell in there?
- …gack…(the minister repeats himself)
- So, I’ve drafted up a little letter for you to sign, asking Ben and Eileen Dover if they would be interested in their old jobs back, no questions asked, everything as it was – immediately.
- But…
- I don’t have time for your “buts”. We’re smack in the middle of qualifications, with a home match against Cockbill Street coming right up, I’ve got to go out and pick up some more chickens and take care of that end of things, you have the brains of a pickle, and we need a Manager for the Hooligans right now! So you sign this letter, and then go do whatever it is you pretend you do, while I set things right.
- You are just rude, Margaret, and it simply isn’t necessary.
- It’s the only way I can get your attention aside from shiny objects. Sign the letter.

*we suddenly realize how thirsty we are, and remember that nice pub just two blocks over and one down. we quietly take our leave.*

SCENE 3 – It didn’t happen. It will never happen. It isn’t happening now.

*we’ve been here before. the room half in shadows, the blinds drawn, the doors closed. several telephones on the desk – one red, one orange, the others all black. a security guard posted at the door, who we know is there – but – if you try to look at him – isn’t there. the name plate on the desk says “jack cass”. we’re in the office of the minister of super secret sleuthery*

- Who’s missing?
- ********
- Then who’s managing the Hooligans?
- ****
- You’d better get somebody! The Guy Currently In Charge Of…
- **************************************
- Oh.
- *********
- Search for Manela? Why? He was incompetent, he’s gone, what’s to search for?
- ************
- You look like a complete fool with or without his assistance.
- ****
- Sorry, old chap, but we both know it’s true. The only thing that you’ve got going for you, the thing that keeps you your job, the thing that’s prevented your head from being removed from your shoulders time and time again, is Margaret.
- ******************
- No, no, no. It’s over between us, chum. What Margaret and I had was long ago, and is no more.
- ***************
- All right, then! I’ll have some agents hunt about and see if they can find Manela and his little bunch.
- ****
- No. We had no reason to keep him under anything more than the normal surveillance.
- ******************
- Of course not! Not you two! Why would anyone want to keep you and Margaret under surveillance? It didn’t happen. It will never happen. It isn’t happening now.

*on that note, we decide we would much rather be someplace else, and go there.*

SCENE 4 – You Get What You Pay For - Mostly

To: "Globmazh," Warnocks Wizards Private Citizen
New Orthanc, Warnocks Wizards

(Mister Postman: Try the capital building - but mums the word.)

Dear Globmazh:

Not sure what title to use - so, in the interest of...well, whatever...I've used none. I'm not much on titles anyway. I just go by "Margaret".

In the letter you didn't send me, you ask if you can call me...that abridged version of my name. Well, don't. I can put up with most things, with no more than a bit of an argument and some hollering. That sets me off.

However, the little bundle of currency which was not included in the letter that I never got was kind of nice. A little bigger bundle would have been nicer, but one makes do. One should keep in mind, however, that there is a direct proportional ratio between the size of any bundle of cash I may receive, and the amount of effort that will go into whatever that bundle of cash was intended to remunerate me for.

This note is really just to tell you that the...action...you've sent...er, didn't send...the cash bundle to...cover...had to be delayed until after the match between the Warnocks Wizards Red Wizards and Runaway Mooses' Alces Rex.

You see, I've come to find out that there is some sort of family connection between The Guy Currently In Charge Of Stuff For The Frost-Fred Borderlands Of Snub Nose 38 and someone high up in Runaway Moose government, who is also involved in their football team. While I can, and will, "aid" when "requested", there simply isn't a big enough "bundle" to entice me into getting on the wrong side of TGCICOSFTFFBOSN38. He is not a nice guy when annoyed.

With Best Wishes for your Football Team
(Unless they happen to play the Hooligans)
Margaret

Next Week - "THE PERILS OF PAULINE” – EPISODE 18
Don’t forget to pick up your FREE dinner plate on your way out of the theater –
The Management

OOC: so, i had this morning off, and absolutely nothing of any import to do. hence, you are forced to read all that crap up there. :wink:

05-12-2003, 16:18

From the office of...
Corpufax the Fat Bar Steward, Gopher 3rd Class, Warnocks Wizards Postal Service

To: Jack Cass, Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery, Snub Nose 38

Dear Sir:

After much searching through our mail rolls, I was able to find only one "Globmazh" registered in New Orthanc, the capital city. Please be informed that your message was forwarded to:

Globmazh the Mean
Chairman, Warocks Wizards Football Federation
1 Warnock Plaza
New Orthanc, WW

I sincerely hope this is the individual you were trying to reach. Thank you,

Corpufax

Audioslavia

05-12-2003, 16:19

Water Way To Lose
Clearwater 1-0 Audioslavia

With a dissapointing performance in Clearwater, Audioslavia missed the chance to bring the 6-point gap between them and Ravenspire, and fall right down to fourth place as Clearwater leapfrog them and Svecia's 3-goal win puts them ahead on goals scored.

The sole goal came in the opening five minutes, as early Clearwater pressure frustrated the 'slave strikers desperate for some action. King brought down the Clearwater winger inside the penalty area. The spot-kick was converted, and Clearwater led 1-0, a lead they were to keep until the final whistle, despite some furious Audioslavia attacks.

[code:1:8d0daa41a1]
Group 8 P W D L F A GD Pts
Ravenspire (3) 6 6 0 0 15 4 +11 18
Clearwater (80) 6 4 1 1 8 5 +3 13
Svecia (22) 7 4 0 3 14 8 +6 12
Audioslavia (18) 7 4 0 3 12 6 +6 12
Zinkoland (67) 6 3 1 2 9 6 +3 10
The Dragonian Empire (57) 6 2 2 2 11 12 -1 8
Dauragons 6 1 1 4 4 11 -7 3
Citta Acqua 6 1 0 5 2 12 -10 3
Davii 6 1 0 5 1 12 -11 3
[/code:1:8d0daa41a1]

Audioslavia dont have a match next week, giving Svecia and Clearwater a big chance of creating a gap ahead of the 'slaves crunch match with Ravenspire.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake, gnite bitches

05-12-2003, 16:32

To: "Margaret," Snub Nose 38 Private Citizen

From: "Globmazh," Warnocks Wizards Private Citizen

Dear Margoula,

Do you mind if I call you Margoula? Hope this short note finds you well. Were I a high official in Warnocks Wizards Football Federation, I would be writing this to thank you most heartily for your most recent work regarding the String Beans. However, since I am merely a private citizen, I am just writing this note as your pen pal. Please find enclosed a nice red and white velvet robe and matching hooded cape as a token of friendship between citizens. Perhaps you could wear it to future quaint folkloric chicken-dancing functions. Take care,

"Globmazh"

Snub Nose 38

05-12-2003, 17:09

The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Infromation, and Band Aids, while he has been trying to behave himself, noticed that when last he published a huge quantity of flyers full of TUI & Stats...there were no repercussions. Crying havoc, he releases the dogs of war...or, in his case, he causes thousands upon thousands of flyers to be published and foisted upon innocent Football Associations throughout the known world.

Tickets for all remaining Snub Nose 38 Hooligan qualifying matches are still available. Tickets can be obtained through Snubitron, or by calling the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics and Alcoholic Beverages. Ask for Beverly.

World Cup 10 Qualifying Group 1 Results through Matchday 9 result in these standings. "Max Pts Poss" is the maximum points that side could achieve if it wins all it's remaining qualifying matches (8 matches for all sides, thus 24 possible points).

Qualifying Group 1 Results
[code:1:c4323601c2]
# Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts Max Pts Poss
3 Arridia (20) 8 7 0 1 18 6 12 21 45 roster
9 The Weegies (50) 8 6 1 1 12 6 6 19 43 roster
1 Snub Nose 38 (6) 8 5 1 2 13 5 8 16 40 roster
4 East Spaam (33) 8 3 1 4 9 8 1 10 34
8 Cockbill Street 8 3 0 5 4 8 -4 9 33 roster
7 Evisceratomatoes (74) 8 2 2 4 5 9 -4 8 32
6 Sensual Products (63) 8 2 1 5 8 13 -5 7 31
5 A nation 8 2 1 5 4 10 -6 7 31
2 Larkinia 8 1 3 4 4 12 -8 6 30[/code:1:c4323601c2]

05-12-2003, 17:44

Wizards Cut Down String Beans to Size

Globdreg the Hero as National Team Defeats Lanky Dude 3-2

From our news services...

Matchday 7, Lanky Dude–The Red and White Wizards won a crucial road world cup qualifying match last night with a 3-2 victory over surprise package the Fighting String Beans of Lanky Dude. Globdreg the Destroyer potted the game winner in the second half after the Dudes had controversially come back from a two goal deficit. Despite the victory, there is some sadness in the Wizards camp as No 1 goalkeeper Ishhak the Smasher was stretchered off after a nasty collision during the home side’s second goal.

Manager Ufwurz the Furious made two changes to the side that lost to Runaway Moose last week. Rugged defender Mausnik the Cleaver returned from suspension to the starting eleven as Ufdush the Nasty took a seat on the bench. Akhklash the Emaciated, who could pass for a native of Lanky Dude, earned a start in place of Burzgob the Butcher. The Red and White Wizards took to the field with their favoured 4-3-1-2 formation.

Looking revitalised once again after their journey to Lanky Dude in the team trireme, the National Team began the match well. Ashmazh the Tough’s nod down allowed Ishklash the Snooty a shot at goal, which the silky attacker struck with the authority of a Numeanorian king. Lanky Dude goalkeeper Sir Lanky the First, however, was up to the task, as he saved the shot with a dive to his left. Midfielder Tom Lanky had a chance at the other end, but Ishhak was perfectly positioned and non-chalantly caught the ball. The Red and White Wizards opened the scoring on 16 minutes. Akhklash’s lofted cross found Gabdul the Looter just outside the penalty area. The Looter nodded it on to the foot of the on-rushing Ghazghash the Sleazy who laced a cracker of a goal past the knighted one from twenty yards. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. The Lanky Dudes were in disarray and the Wizards pressured for a second goal. Ishklash’s drive went just wide of the post and Mausnik’s header rebounded off of the crossbar. The home side seemed to be weathering the onslaught when Gabdul’s slicing shot eluded the goalkeeper, who it must be said was not living up to his moniker. 2-0 to the Red and White Wizards.

Mausnik the Cleaver was in inspired form at the other end and was continually out-muscling the puny attackers of Lanky Dude. However, the Lanky ones view themselves as skilled actresses as Richard Harreros-Lanky’s melodramatic tumble in the box on 40 minutes demonstrated. Although the closest Wizard was a good five yards away from the thespian, the referee strangely pointed to the spot. This infuriated Manager Ufwurz the Furious, who strolled onto the pitch holding an eye chart. The referee refused to attempt to read the large “E” at the top of the chart despite Ufwurz’s pleading, and the Wizards manager was sent from the field. Keeper Ishhak parried away the ensuing penalty kick with ease, but the referee strangely ordered a re-kick claiming the visitors had encroached on his proximity. Another bizarre decision from a man suffering from halitosis (One must ask, who would encroach on his space?). At this point, the referee was not in a receptive move despite Assistant Bazzag the Wicked’s kind offer of some mouthwash. After the referee refused the gift and dispatched Bazzag to the stands, David Busby duly converted the second penalty kick for the Lankies. The first half ended Lanky Dude 1, Warnocks Wizards 2.

The second half kicked off with the visiting Wizards enjoying most of the possession. Ghazghash and Bagdreg the Mauler were displaying their undoubted class and the String Beans were tiring themselves out chasing the ball. Ashmazh had an open look at goal, but looped his effort just over the bar. With the Wizards seemingly in control and heading for an important victory, the home side controversially leveled the match on 78 minutes.

Striker George Lanky’s shot comically hit the left corner flag, but the linesman signaled a corner kick when it was obvious no Wizard had touched the ball. This led to Assistant Gutkrut the Wretched’s dismissal when the Wizardite walked over to the linesman and attempted to hand the official a pair of binoculars. The pedantic referee interfered, no doubt jealous he was not offered such a thoughtful present, and motioned to Gutkrut to enjoy the rest of the match from the stands. From the ensuing corner, Ishhak had a clear path to the ball. As he safely brought the ball in to his chest, corpulent Dude Tom Lanky crushed the Wizard keeper against the post, shattering several ribs and puncturing the poor Wizards lungs. The ball trickled across the line and the referee pointed to the centre circle for a goal. Meanwhile, the Wizards medical staff ran out to Ishhak, who unfortunately could not continue. After the player was stretchered off and replaced by Globtakh the Timid, play resumed.

The Red and White Wizards, clearly infuriated by what had happened to their teammate looked for some measure of revenge. Huge target man Globdreg the Destroyer, also acting manager with the dismissal of the entire Wizards coaching staff earlier in the match, introduced himself and Burzgob the Butcher to the proceedings. Gone was the flair and style that the Wizards so-often demonstrate. Enter the steel, guts, and glory of Uruk’Hai Longball. With the referee clearly unable to differentiate free play from foul from assault, the Red and White Wizards out-muscled and hammered their opponents all over the pitch. Mausnik the Cleaver gleefully crushed Lanky Dudes across the field of battle. Up front the two target men, Ashmazh and Globdreg, would not allow any feeble challenges to hinder their assault on goal. Globdreg ran through the Dude defense and forced goalkeeper and ball over the line on 88 minutes. The referee, showing nothing but consistency, signaled a goal and the Red and White Wizards had earned a hard fought victory. Full time: Lanky Dude 2, Warnocks Wizards 3.

Warnocks Wizards: Ishhak the Smasher (Globtakh the Timid 81), Ghaztrak the Gouger, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Bagdreg the Mauler, Akhklash the Emaciated (Burzgob the Butcher 83), Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty (Globdreg the Destroyer 83).

Unused substitutes: Ufdush the Nasty, Zagag the Sleak.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards host newcomers Jaurania at Fortress Warnock. The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe are scheduled to perform at half time.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Tanah Burung

05-12-2003, 19:22

From the journals of Bi Kikere

Entry the first: Crocodiles at Fradustanis

Brr. Cold here. High winds from the auto-racing, i'd say. No one in this country was interested to hear that there was a football team going on. I'm used to some fuss when we land in one of these benighted countries. After all, i am one of the greatest coaches ever to live. Hell, i leave a country and the whole place goes to hell. Look at what's happened to poor Gilmeecia. Damn fools went and got themselves over-run by zompires. Not that i'll ever admit there's such a thing as zompires, of course.

Anyways, all the Fradustani seem to care about is their damn cars. The whole government is devoted to car manufacture. I was thinking maybe there would be some sort of ticker tape parade, or at least a few fans for the football match. But all i could see on the way to the stadium is Fradustani folks out in their driveways, washing their cars.

Then match time, and we could barely hear ourselves think over the sound of the Monster Cars Crushing Bicycles and Then Racing Around event. They're transfixed on the cars, the car making and the car racing and the car crashing. I think cars may be their form of pornography. Very auto-erotic. So our fans pretty much outnumbered the home crowd.

And since no one had studied our play, it was pretty much Rosa Bibere running rings around the oppo, passing up to Taur Matan Ruak, and Taur batting and booming the ball into the net. His first three-goal game. In fact, i think i'll announce it was a hat trick, just to annoy certain purist countries on the WCC.

---

Entry the second: A hot-air balloon, over classified nautical coordinates

Evisceratomatoes 1, Hooligans 0. I keep looking at that score line. Somehow, i can't hear it enough. Evisceratomatoes 1, Hooligans 0. Damn, that's satisfying.

That Sal Manela. Clearly, incessant failure has driven him mad. Like i'd offer him a job? Me, one of football's greatest motivational geniuses, give work to a putz like Manela? I just felt sorry for the guy. I mean, losing games for the Hooligans? Who knows what Margaret might do? So i fired off a nice note offering him refugee status, just because i don't want to see him end up as some sort of sick human sacrifice, and next thing i know he's on a boat with his entire coaching staff.

Well, maybe the Crocs could use a janitor. Anyway, here i am, descending towards his boat, getting ready to pick him up. They don't look too happy there. So Sal and company get hauled on board, and it's home to play another no-name football also-ran.

Think i'll turn them over to the Cooperative for Information Gathering and Happy, Friendly Interogation. Ya never know, we might have to play the Hooligans again some day.

---

Entry the third: Crocs v Agnosticium

These boys are very good at field hockey. Be nice to kick their arses at football. The fans would love that. So we re-scheduled the match at the last minute. They were expecting it to be up in the mountains at Matebian. But a convenient storm system made it impossible to get a blimp up to Matebian. Or say my good friends in the Weather Forecastign Cooperative testified.

So we played it down in the heat at Tiga Burung. Foreigners hate playing in Tiga Burung, especially when it's in the full sun and humidity of afternoon. Scorches them, and they're usually all tired out by the second half. Which is when we score the big goals.

Amazingly, these people didn't think to put extra marking on Taur Matan Ruak. So once again, two goals off his very impressive boot. Clocked his shot at a record speed today. Although i have to think this Bibere to Ruak goal spree we're on is getting too good to last. Maybe it's time to try a new play.

---

Entry the fourth: Tiga Burung City

That freak Manela seems reluctant to tell us much about the Hooligan play book. The Interogation Cooperative says they've been feeding him enormous amounts of spicy food, which is the closest to torture we're allowed to go, but he's got an iron stomach.

I'm thinking about offering him some sort of job, as an incentive to reveal all the 38 secrets of Snub Nose. Scouting coordinator, maybe. But the team insists he has a curse on him. I keep telling them there's no such thing as curses but they're a superstitious bunch. I suppose that's what comes of recruiting the team from the backwoods of Burung Paradis and Loro Sae. I wonder if hitting them with small rocks might knock the supersition out of their heads? Nah, they'd probably just start up the Church of Rock-head-hitting.

Bunch of fellas from the Rubber Tappers Cooperative just stopped by. Seems they're planning to run a slate of candidates against some of those bozos in the collective presidency. I'd almost forgotten we have elections. They want me to run against that fossil Mau Kiri Rai. Hmm, do i want to be people's representative for territorial defence & sports? I'll have to think about it. Does the country deserve me?

Snub Nose 38

05-12-2003, 19:38

...auto-erotic...
lmao - we just love the pun here in Snub Nose 38. :wink:

Commerce Heights

05-12-2003, 21:56

Bulldogs Defeat Pavesia, Fall To Second In Group
COMMERCE HEIGHTS, CH - Cahalane stuck the ball in the Pavesia goal in the second minute to start the Pavesia rematch with a bang. Vojtilo continued his amazing record of not allowing any goals in WC10 home games (and even two out of three away games), and a late goal by Farhan Wallace sealed the victory.
(23) Commerce Heights 2 (Cahalane 2, Wallace 80)
(UR) Pavesia 0 - FT
(OOC: I'm running out of ways to RP shutouts...of course, now that I say it, I know I'll lose soon... :P )
Liverpool England's 3-1 win over The Arrivian Alliance puts it on top of the Bulldogs on goals for - however, their bye day tomorrow will allow the Bulldogs to get ahead on points with a win or draw:
[code:1:0857ef639f]Group 9 P W D L F A GD Pts
Liverpool England (2) 7 5 1 1 13 3 +10 16
Commerce Heights (23) 6 5 1 0 12 2 +10 16
Akbarland (51) 7 3 3 1 11 9 +2 12
Morawny (58) 6 2 2 2 6 5 +1 8
Halfassedstates (19) 6 2 2 2 7 7 0 8
Kravoli (81) 6 1 3 2 6 6 0 6
EL CID THE HERO 6 1 2 3 2 8 -6 5
Pavesia 6 1 1 4 6 12 -6 4
The Arrivian Alliance 6 0 1 5 3 14 -11 1[/code:1:0857ef639f]
Commerce Heights Schedule
Day 1: at #19 Halfassedstates – W 2-0
Day 2: at EL CID THE HERO – W 2-0
Day 3: at #51 Akbarland – T 2-2
Day 4: vs The Arrivian Alliance – W 3-0
Day 5: vs #2 Liverpool England – W 1-0
Day 7: vs Pavesia – W 2-0
Day 8: at #81 Kravoli
Day 9: vs #58 Morawny
Day 10: vs #19 Halfassedstates
Day 11: vs EL CID THE HERO
Day 12: vs #51 Akbarland
Day 13: at The Arrivian Alliance
Day 14: vs #2 Liverpool England
Day 16: at Pavesia
Day 17: vs #81 Kravoli
Day 18: at #58 Morawny
Statistics - Team
[code:1:0857ef639f] Overall WC7 WC8 WC9 WC10
Games Played 46 10 13 17 6
Wins 24 3 6 10 5
Draws 9 3 4 1 1
Losses 13 4 3 6 0
Avg. Opp. Rank 73.7 62.6 81.7 69.3 87.0
Highest Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Highest Def. Opp. Rank 2 18 16 2 2
Avg. Offense 1.7 1.5 1.5 1.7 2.0 gpg
Avg. Defense 1.3 1.8 1.2 1.4 0.3 gpg
Goal Differential +18 -3 +5 +6 +10
Rank 100 54 23 23[/code:1:0857ef639f]
Statistics - Individual
[code:1:0857ef639f]Team Scoring Leaders – WC10
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley 6 3 0.50
C. Deppiesse 6 3 0.50
J. Cahalane 6 3 0.50
K. DeGraffenreid 6 1 0.17
K. Decker 6 1 0.17
F. Wallace 6 1 0.17

Goaltending Leaders – WC10
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo 5 2 0.40

Team Scoring Leaders – Overall
Player G GF GPG
B. Quigley**** 46 23 0.50
C. Deppiesse..** 23 8 0.35
J. Cahalane**** 45 13 0.29
K. Decker**** 46 12 0.26
M. McCormick.^^^ 9 2 0.22
C. Romanowski**.. 23 5 0.22
F. Wallace^^** 26 5 0.19
K. DeGraffenreid...* 6 1 0.17
D. Kakuta**.. 23 3 0.13
M. Paritmongkol***. 39 2 0.05
E. Burns**** 45 2 0.04

Goaltending Leaders – Overall
Player G GA GPG
D. Vojtilo**** 39 46 1.18
A. Yago.^^^ 9 12 1.33

...*/...^ starter/backup in WC10
..*./..^. starter/backup in WC9
.*../.^.. starter/backup in WC8
*.../^... starter/backup in WC7[/code:1:0857ef639f]

Cockbill Street

05-12-2003, 22:06

Ankh-Morpork C-mail
Cockbill Street Department

Cockbill Street fall to bottom after sixth loss in a row
So much for "improving ranking"

Well, well, well. Who are we to argue. It's just that another pathetic showing by our national team to the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans sends us rock bottom of the World Cup Qualifying tables, and will make it impossible to qualify for the World Cup.

And so will it be next year. No matter whatever ranking system will be used, Cockbill Street's record of one win, six losses can surely not be argued with. It is utterly pathetic, and add to that that we are the worst newbies of our World Cup Group.

Could someone find us a big mountain? We need something to hide behind, and big mountains aren't commonplace in Cockbill Street.

A number of substitutions from the last match and a complete revamp of the tactics didn't help either.

As for the match, well, we here at the C-mail are sure that the above lines describe it adequately. In the 11th minute, Yosarian came through alone with Jorn Axewielder after some excellent passes from Cromagnon (or, as we would put it, extremely poor marking from Carboniferous and Ian Olsen), but his shot went over. A number of dangerous chances followed, but luckily the Hooligans were inept in front of goal, as they blasted their shots over. The shot statistics showed 14-1 to Snub Nose 38 at half time, of which 13 shots had gone wide and the 14th had been saved by Jorn Axewielder, mainly because it hit him in the face.

In the second half, the Snub Nose manager made a number of substitutions, Pinky coming on for Yosarian the most clever of them. He was the only striker able to put his shots on target, and in the 62nd minute, he blasted a shot from 20 metres straight into the top corner - perfect strike. 15 minutes later, he got up splendidly to a corner kick, and he was of course completely alone in the box, leaving him with no option but to put the ball in the back of the net. Cockbill Street go down with no honour at all, losing 0-2 yet again. We have now scored 1 - repeat, one - goal during the course of this qualifying tournament. It is abysmal and unforgivable.

Final score:
Snub Nose 38 2 (Pinky 62, 78 )
Cockbill Street 0

C-mail ratings: J Axewielder 4 - Eversham 3, Carboniferous 4, Golddevourer 4 - Calcite 4, Olsen 5, Lehrer 4, H Axewielder 3 - Tungsten-carbide 3, Quier 4.

Inofficial tables:
[code:1:5c38481b4e]The Weegies (50) 6 5 1 0 10 3 +7 16
Arridia (20) 6 5 0 1 12 3 +9 15
Snub Nose 38 (6) 7 4 1 2 10 5 +5 13
Evisceratomatoes (74) 6 2 2 2 4 5 -1 8
East Spaam (33) 6 2 1 3 6 6 0 7
Sensual Products (63) 6 2 1 3 5 7 -2 7
Larkinia 7 1 3 3 4 10 -6 6
A nation 6 1 1 4 3 8 -5 4
Cockbill Street 6 1 0 5 1 8 -7 3[/code:1:5c38481b4e]

Next match is East Spaam away. Congratulations on the three points beforehand.

Iansisle

05-12-2003, 22:43

Imperial Teneral Moving-Picture House #179
East 32nd Street, Ianapalis, Iansisle, the Commonwealth

“At last! After so many years of trying, I - the evil genius Professor Nefarious - have ensnared the ever so elusive Captain Diamond in my cunning trap! Now nothing stands between me and utter dominion over the world!” Professor Nefarious looked rather like Great War propaganda renderings of Kaiser Wilhelm II, right down to the spiked helmet. Throughout the theater, the crowd let loose with a tremendous hissing noise.

“Hardly likely while still I draw breath, you cad!” returned Captain Diamond. The crowd gasped as the scene shifted to where Diamond sat, bound to his chair, his blonde hair only slightly ruffled. A devious looking contraption pointed straight at him. “In fact, as long as moral men exist to oppose you, your fiendish plots shall never succeed!”

“Foolish talk, Diamond, from a foolish man!” exclaimed Nefarious, bounding up to the device’s controls. “Now you shall see what scant help your pitiful trust in the hearts of Good men will be against the terrifying power of my Hyper-Atomic Microwaving Freeze-Gun!” Nefarious threw a switch, and an ominous bolt shot from the Freeze-Gun’s muzzle. At the last second, Captain Diamond threw himself to the side, knocking his chair over. The bolt hit a mirror behind Diamond and reflected straight back on Nefarious. Instantly, all him muscles - well, almost all of them - seized up. The Professor was left standing at the controls with a silly look of shock on his face.

“Haha!” shouted Captain Diamond in victory. “Now do you see what fate awaits all people who should wish to live their lives in the pursuit of wicked aims?”

“Thrice accursed contraption!” exclaimed the statuesque Nefarious, whose mouth muscles - for some inexplicable reason - seemed to still be functioning. “Hoist by my own petard yet again!”

“As are your just deserts, you malignant villan!” replied Captain Diamond, who had miraculously become untied while he was off camera. He nodded to a group of policemen who were just entering. “Hall this foul frozen fiend off to jail at once, officer!” The crowd cheered.

“You may believe yourself victorious, Captain Diamond!” laughed the petrified figure as he was loaded onto a hand cart and wheeled from the room. “Alas for your comfortable misconception, the true battle has yet to begin!” Nefarious was still laughing maniacally when the heavy door slammed behind him and an announcer’s voice came on.

“Has Captain Diamond at last rid the world of that horrendous horror? What conniving plan can Professor Nefarious have to break his ice-bound incarceration? Be sure to come next week when Imperial proudly presents the next episode of the thrilling serial Captain Diamond: Man of Right! Now, get ready for the latest IanCorp newsreel, followed by our Feature Presentation, the gripping romantic thriller ‘Little Men in a Big Place’, starring Kirk Valoon and Karen Samson!”

A series of clunks came from the projection room as the reels were switched around, before the customary countdown appeared on the teneral theater’s screen. At last, it vanished, followed by grainy pictures ofWestergate Grounds, where thousands of football fans milled about in the Ianapalis suburb.

“Westergate Grounds, home of Iansislean football,” came the newscaster’s deep voice. “Today, the venerable old building was home to a million smiles, as our own Iansisle Ians beat Sliponia one to zero!” That news drew a cheer from several of the movie-goers, but most seemed not to care. “Once again, the team was carried by the splashy goalkeeping of Benny Answorth, who combined with stellar Iansislean defense to blank the opposing side! Striker John Copplestone knocked in his second goal of the qualifiers in the thirty-second minute to give the Ians the lead, and our squad never looked back!

“The win gives the Ians eight points in their first seven matches, a record of two wins, two draws, and three losses! Coach Lord Riveran has said that the team’s play so far exceeds his expectations, and has high hopes for the next match, away against Aquilla! Let’s go, Ians!” A few more people cheered this time, but again the response was largely apathetic. On screen, the newscaster’s voice took on a more somber tone.

“In other news, reports have come in that St. Walburg has been bombed by the dastardly Chiangese again. The raid was reported to destroy most of the city’s aerodock’s runways and cripple the field. However, across the world, our war correspondent with Walmingtonish III Corps has prepared a special report on that unit’s recent duel in the desert!”

Rejistania

05-12-2003, 23:17

http://www.geocities.com/versionizer/kamari2.gif.txt

Orange-Blues win against minnow
The Orange-Blues defeated the unranked team Irrevilentsdom with 1-0. Most people expected such a victory, since 11 of 12 victories of the Junis'Omeh had the goal difference 1. By this victory against the successor in the table, their chances for qualification enhance as the team conquers the 4th place in the table*. This vicctory in the Sike kaletri stadium proved also, that even the Sikenians** lose their mind when a match is won there.

The game started unexpected for the Orange-Blues: The guests played a very defensive strategy, obvisously they hoped for a nil all draw. That was a problem for the home team, they didn't have any chances for counters. the first half ended nil all without chances for any side. In the second half, the Junis'Omeh changed their tactics and played more offensive. This gave them some chances, but also allowed some for the guests, which fortunatly couldn't capitalise them. The lead was finally archieved in the 78th minute by Xeseja Su after a corner, shot by Linkosa'he. The result didn't change despite some chances for both sides. Especially a free kick, shot by Ji Raliu in the 84th minute would normally mean the 2-0, but the irrevilentsdomian goalie made a safe, which was out-of-compare.

The result:
Rejistania 1 (Su 78th)
Irrevilentsdom 0

Rejistanian top-scorers during WC10:
Lyku: 5
Su: 4
Linkosa: 1

*OOC: If I calculated correctly.
** Reference to the fact, that Sike has only 20,000 inhabitants.

Rejistania

05-12-2003, 23:17

YASDP (yet another sh*tty double post)

Snub Nose 38

05-12-2003, 23:31

Could someone find us a big mountain? We need something to hide behind, and big mountains aren't commonplace in Cockbill Street.

The Minister of Justice and Real Estate, while reading the Ankh-Morpork C-mail, comes across the above quote in a article titled "Cockbill Street fall to bottom after sixth loss in a row". He begins to stroke his beard gently, thoughtfully, manically (he's a big fan of the "Lee's"). Reaching for the phone, he dials up Vice Assistant Subsidiary Alterate Justice Viginia Hamm.

- ****
- Hello, Virginia?
- ****
- Well, then who are you?
- *****************************
- Martin...
- *****
- Marvin Gardens, the Assistant Manager, Maintenance...
- ************
- Assistant Night Manager, Maintenance and Sanitary Engineering Team? Why did you answer the phone, Marv?
- *********
- Oh...it is that late, isn't it?
- *******
- So, listen, Marc...
- ****
- Sorry - Marv - I wanted to talk to Vice Assistant Subsidiary Alternate Justice Hamm about a little real estate deal that...
- *********
- Good point, Marty
- ****
- Sorry, Marv. Good point. Why would I call "Justice" when I wanted "Real Estate". Say, Marv - who should I talk to in Real Estate?
- **********************
- You'll connect me? Thanks, pal.

*pause*

- Hello?
- ****
- Who've I got?
- **********
- You've got your boss, the Minister of Justice and Real Estate.
- ****************
- No, no, that's ok. Look, you work Real Estate, right?
- ******
- Well, what about that mountain range up north? You know, the one above the tundra, in the arctic circle.
- ******
- It seems Cockbill Street is in the market for a mountain of some size.
- ***********
- So?
- ******************************
- Not my problem, buddy. Yours. We've got mountains we don't need. Cockbill Street hasn't got mountains it wants. You work in Real Estate. It all comes together in a neat little package.
- *******
- I don't care how you get them there. Talk to the folks over in Lemmitania - they moved a Hellmouth, moving a mountain or two can't be any harder than that.
- ****
- Look, I'm sending a message to Cockbill Street that we have the mountains they want. They'll be contacting your office if they're still intereted. You'd better either work out how to make it happen, or pack your bags for Elba.

05-12-2003, 23:38

New Montreal States News Sources to remove Cup Coverage

In an announcement that surprised no-one living in the States, 67 News Inc. announced that it would suspend all coverage of the national team in WCX. NM-NA Co. and Robin News Service followed suit immediately thereafter. Most minor news companies have already withdrawn, leaving only ZA Network and Sports News Co. (both of which are stuck with the broadcast rights to WCX in New Montreal States) providing coverage.

"Frankly, we're sick of having to report the same news over and over again," stated 67 News Sports Officer Martin Richard. "Paladins lose! Paladins lose! We've run out of original angles to cover these debacles from and the viewing public has, for the most part, had enough of looking like monkeys compared to other international squads."

Ice Paladin Association head Hugo Vaillencourt commented: "Ah well, there's always the next world cup. We haven't got a prayer in this one to be sure."

Morris Cuthbert, reserve midfielder for the Ice Paladins and public face of the team stated relief that the team was going off the air. "Being humiliated in front of family and friends was more than a body could take. We are grateful for this decision and would like to thank the news services for once."

Fired coach Luc de Fabre said: "That's the way the cookie crumbles. Hopefully soccer will live on in the States even after this disaster."

----------------

OOC: Yeah, I'm running out of ideas on how to cover these losses.

Snub Nose 38

05-12-2003, 23:43

OOC: Yeah, I'm running out of ideas on how to cover these losses.
You've got to cover your losses - or the loan sharks 'll getcha! :wink:

Oglethorpia

05-12-2003, 23:55

OOC:

We should all start a football program in NMS to promote club football since their World Cup team isn't doing too great :P

Bedistan

05-12-2003, 23:58

Channel Nine News at Ten
Jamestown, Escambia
with Tom Smith, Dick Jones, and Harry Johnson

Tom: ...but luckily, just fifteen of the porcupines were killed.

Dick: And now to sports with our own Harry Johnson. The team came home the other day after the 1-1 draw with LordSquall to face the hottest team in the group -- Dennisov. Harry, how did our team stack up?

Harry: Well, it had to happen eventually. Dennisov were 6-0-0 coming into this match, and had come off a 5-0 win over sixth-place Kerla. Thinking we could beat them, even at home, was pure folly.

Tom: So I'm assuming we didn't?

Harry: Correct. Here's a look at the most important moment of the match:

[clip of match plays]

Harry: Here, it's a throw in for the Lions. Briscoe throws, Dennisov's Gillies takes it. Gillies makes his way up a little ways, now passes over to Conacher. Then here's Tabitha Morgan with a lovely tackle! She travels up the left side, sends it over to Briscoe, Briscoe up to Sippel...Sippel takes a shot, but Cheevers sends it out. Corner kick for the Lions. Lewey kicks, it gets to Morlock, he sends it in...almost! Cheevers again with a magnificent save and Dennisov on the offensive again. Provonost to Laroche, up to Gillies, now up to Goulet...takes a shot, Mitchell sends it back, Goulet gets it again and puts it IN! Goal for Dennisov, and it would turn out to be the only goal of the match. The Lions fall at National Stadium 1-0.

Dick: So how does the group look now?

Harry: Not too good...we're still in fourth place, and though it's still quite a while until qualifying ends, that's rather worrying, especially for the highest seed in the group.

[code:1:0fd67f413e]Group 7 P W D L F A GD Pts
Dennisov (14) 7 7 0 0 16 1 +15 21
Dark Outcasts (28) 7 5 0 2 12 4 +8 15
SterlingIce (61) 6 4 1 1 6 3 +3 13
Bedistan (4) 6 3 2 1 6 2 +4 11
LordSquall (47) 6 3 1 2 4 3 +1 10
Kerla 6 1 1 4 2 9 -7 4
Kamakaza 6 1 1 4 2 10 -8 4
Oilermania 6 1 0 5 1 11 -10 3
New Montreal States 6 0 0 6 2 8 -6 0[/code:1:0fd67f413e]

Tom: All right, thanks, Harry.

Dick: Coming up next: the president again shoots down a proposal to make voting mandatory...

--------------------------

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Dennisov 1 (Goulet 62)

Thomas Award points:
Briscoe 1, Mitchell 2, Morgan 1

Thomas Award frontrunners:
C. Mitchell - 8
C. Briscoe - 5
D. Morlock - 5

Bedistan Lions: Mitchell - Sanchez, Morgan, Kucharski, Saravia - Briscoe, Bean, Marley - Morlock, Lewey, Sippel

The Lowland Clans

06-12-2003, 02:06

Allied States News Network - ASLC VICTORY KEEPS TEAM IN RACE FOR DIVISION LEAD

GRAHAM CITY - Today, the Allied States national team has proven itself to be one of the top soccer teams in the world with a 2-1 victory over Belmorian Scandanaivia. The victory was apparent early on when star half Gavin Fleury used his trade mark ball handling to make it past 3 Belmorian defenders before a beautiful cross forward Kevin McKeehan who headed it past the Scandanavian keeper. They forwards dominated the first half, laying great crosses and pressuring the Scandanvian defnse for nearly twenty minutes straight. The second, many of the subs came in and played. They kept up the pace, but a slight slip by sweeper Jeffrey McKay ment that the Scandinavians managed to get one past goalie Greg Devore. The monster offence that has lead the 43rd ranked Clans to the co-lead of there divison with one of soccers best, Tanag Burung, continues to be the single most improved show in a long time. With a series of new recruits from the Canadian League, they managed to put together what is soon to become one of the highest scoring teams ever in World Cup history.

GROUP 2 STANDINGS
[code:1:841a1f83c7]
Group 2 P W D L F A GD Pts
The Lowland Clans (43) 7 5 0 2 16 6 +10 15
Tanah Burung (24) 6 5 0 1 10 3 +7 15
Lemmitania (8) 6 4 1 1 11 6 +5 13
Belmorian Scandinavia (66) 6 3 0 3 7 9 -2 9
Stealth zerbert 6 1 5 0 6 4 +2 8
Busby (17) 6 2 2 2 8 7 +1 8
Agnosticium 6 2 1 3 5 7 -2 7
Canadian Power Trip 6 0 2 4 1 8 -7 2
Fradustanis 7 0 1 6 1 15 -14 1
[/code:1:841a1f83c7]

06-12-2003, 02:49

Nate E. Visser, Wisest of the Evisceratomatoes, gathers his flock about him. "Much better, my little aubergines," he says. "A dark night for us, it were, two games ago. But now, my little sandwiches, we have a new start. A new beginning for Evisceratomatodom."

Nate intones some more, while Fighting Fruit hang on his every word, adoringly. "My plums, some of you were afraid when the Country that Cannot be named came to visit us." The country that cannot be named is, of course, Snub Nose 38 -- Evisceratomaotes might explode at the very sound of those words, so Nate does not speak them. "But it was just a chance to prove ourselves worthy of the ultimate prize, a trip to Giant Zucchini! And a chance to meet Urk himself!"

Evisceratomatoes gobble excitedly at the name. "Ooh, Urk!" they shout. Or it may have been "Urk, ooh." Most of them know Urk as the greatest footballer ever to live, but some also follow his namesake, Captain Urk from the highly-rated Sentient Vegetable Trek.

But we digress. People have been executed for disgressing while Nate is speaking. Well, not people, but you know what i mean.

"You did so well, my little turnips. The country that can't be named, with their Wamam machines at the ready, they came to play. They aren't so afraid of us as they used to be. And we showed them, with our Sentient Human Attraction Zucchini Activated Machine (Shazam). Instead of exploding on contact, my little corgettes, this machine makes us slighlty magnetic to people from the Country that Cannot be named. And this threw them off balance. And we won a glorious victory, my little snack-packs! Props to Urk Jones for scoring the goal."

Evisceratomatoes entwine wioth each other excitedly at the words. a few of them get over-excited and burst. Don't worry, plenty more where they came from.

Nate went on: "And then to Sensual Products. Ha. Yes, my little fruit roll-ups, Ha! No one is as sensual as an Evisceratomato in full bloom. We went all sensual on their asses and won another mighty vicotry. Another step on the drive to Zucchini! I want to honour Urk Seedykins for scoring our goal against the Products. He may have any Evisceratomato he likes tonight. Except for the one i pick, that is."

Nate twines around a particularly juicy Evisceratomato. "Hey, my little honeypot. What's your name?"

For decency's sake, we draw the curtain over this Frenzied Fruity Fornication.

Oglethorpia

06-12-2003, 03:13

OOC:

Oh, TB. You've taken sentient vegatable writing to a new level.

Aquilla

06-12-2003, 04:31

OOC:
Problem 1. There are no radios in TnUI.

I thought that was Gilmeecia.

This is KCHR radio, here live at the Aquilla-Defari match. Right here at Eagle Stadium! They're unfurling the Aquilla Flag....and there below, flags of Grebenesia, TrippyHippys, Mocaireus, The Arterian River, Ribletn, Eaglet, New Aquilla, Wuzzonoa, and a few other puppets I don't recognize. Now the national anthem plays...and the teams come onto the field.

...

...

...

...

Man, this looks bad. We're in the last three minutes of the game, and Defari is beating us 2-0. At our home stadium! How embarrassing! To recap, Defari scored once in the 23rd minute and once in the 54th. Our goalie gave a valiant effort, but it just didn't work. I guess I'll go to covering something else now...this is so sad. Well, AAGGH! A billion Aquillans reflexively turn their radios down WHO are YOU??

"I am a representative of the one called Margaret. I understand the Eagles are losing?"

"LOSING? Of course we're losing! Been living in a cave somewhere?"

"Would you like to win?"

"DUH!!!!!"

"That can be arranged; however, the price is one million oodlebags."

"One MILLION???"

"Do you want to win?"

He ponders. I'm sure I could get the money from somewhere...maybe get a budget from HQ for this Margaret person...IF it works...

"Sure."

The person disappears.

We're in our last minute now, and it looks like we're losing. Hey, what's that? The crowd is screaming!!

Why look! At the scoreboard! The Aquillan score is rising!

One...two...three! We win! Hahahaha! What a glorious day for Aquilla! I'll be sure to tell someone at KCHR Central about this.

imported_Nikea

06-12-2003, 07:18

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Nikea Sharply Brought Back To Senses
Smashed 4-0 at home
by Markenin Markenel

QUELDAS(NP) - After showing great form in Oglethorpia, the Pandas were sharply brought back to the real world after Haraki walked into Solarin Stadium and picked up 3 points with a 4-0 drubbing of the Pandas.

With goals in the 12th, 27th, 52nd, and 83rd minutes, the visitors easily handled the sluggish, unmotivated, and generally cocky Pandas side, who looked disgraceful to a man today. One can only hope that the next match in Interiu with unranked Grigala will bring the Pandas back to their winning ways before they head to Rejistania to take on the underachieving Orange-Blues.

[code:1:f8d8307015]
Nikea 0
v.
Haraki 4 (<player> 12, <player> 27, <player> 52, <player 83)
[/code:1:f8d8307015]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

The Belmore Family

06-12-2003, 10:11

If anyone has a good knowledge of Flash could they please contact me by telegram a.s.a.p. I will make it worth your while.

Kaze Progressa

06-12-2003, 10:27

OOC to TBF: A Flash RP? :O

IC again, from the Kangaroo:

SIX OF THE BEST

Kaze Progressa racked up their sixth consecutive victory in World Cup X qualification with a 3-1 defeat of Scaraba in the Progressair Stadium.

The match was expected to be a walkover, given the inexperience of Scaraba and the Progressans' sensational recent form, conceding just one goal in five games. When Faiwe Irafma scored on 13 minutes from a chipped free-kick, it looked over. But Scaraba scored a sensational equaliser just four minutes later when <player> outpaced the aging Eauam MacKazie before a side-footed curling shot edged into the bottom corner. It was the first time Eaka Palera had been beaten by an opposition player, the only other goal he had let in being an own-goal against Kingsford.

The response, just as with that own goal, was rapid, Irafma restoring the lead on 21 minutes with a bullet header from a Huqi Vaiwalo-Mua cross. The match was then virtually sewn up six minutes before the half-time whistle when Ekazen Waulino beat <player 2> with a body-swerve before a 25-yard shot past the bemused goalkeeper.

The Progressans remain four points clear of nearest rivals Keyshona with a game in hand, but now face the challenge of Spaam away from home. Following the controversial East Spaam incident at the last World Cup, in which the Progressans were active and successful campaigners for the removal of both Spaamian nations, there will be no love lost for this one.

KP side vs Scaraba: Palera; Garjeno, MacKazie, Maurto; Inhea, Vaiwalo-Mua (Hytaffi 63), Muqlin, Maailian, Failez (Jaff 63); Waulino, Irafma.

Liverpool England

06-12-2003, 12:37

JH: Hello, you're WAtching LEINN World Cup Report. Liverpool England had a bye today as Commerce Heights opened up a three-point lead on the WC8 champions in Group 9. Oddslavo, in Group 10, is in top position with a four-point lead over Aquilla. Liverpool England have their last game before the half way mark against Halfassedstates on Matchday Nine, in which the team will try to earn three points against tough opposition.
So, untill then, see you tomorrow!

Kingsford

06-12-2003, 14:35

Kingsford In Top 3

After a desperate struggle, the last few wins have put Kingsford in a top three spot for Group six. What suprised Kingsford Statistic Officials was Kingsford's companions in the top three. Instead of the predicted Spaam, Eauz, or Dead Man, the other two teams joining Kingsford are Kaze Progressa and Keyshona, in that order (Kingsford is third). Some late night talk shows have dubbed Group six the KKK as a joke, and not meaning to offend anyone.

Kaze Progressa

06-12-2003, 15:03

OOC: LOL :D
IC:
From Progressa TeleNews, with Runij Terassin and Farizek Cosina:
http://members.fortunecity.com/timbrenttvmocks/prog2.jpg

RT: Kaze Progressa's glorious victory trail evaporated in Spaam tonight with a 1-0 defeat. <Player> earned the Spaamians victory with a 25-yard thunderbolt early in the second half. The Progressans still lead the group but have missed a chance to pull further clear of the chasing pack. Farizek Cosina reports.

[footage of 'United by Spaam' and 'Kaze Regressa' banners in the Spaamian crowd]
FC: The intimidating atmosphere inside the Hormel Stadium meant this was always going to be one of the biggest tests for the Progressans in their campaign. But having won their last seven competitive internationals, the Progressans still started favourites against a side who had drawn four out of six so far in this group.
[footage of Spaamian attack and shot just missing, 6mins] But it was the Spaamians who worked the crowd into a frenzy early on, this effort unlucky not to go in.
[footage of Palera making acrobatic save, 14mins] They continued to dominate the early going, forcing Eaka Palera into a series of fine stops.
[footage of hopeless Waulino shot, 22mins] The Progressans struggled to get into the game in the first half, this pitiful effort from Ekazen Waulino summing up their performance.
[footage of goal, 52mins] Something had to give, and seven minutes after the interval it did, with a thunderous low drive easily beating the shell-shocked Palera. [footage flows into celebrations] Delerium filled the Hormel Stadium... [footage of Irafma forcing fine save, 55mins] ...but was nearly wiped out in a flash by a similarly fierce effort from Faiwe Irafma, only for the goalkeeper to thwart him.
[footage of Owa step-over into shot against crossbar, 90+1mins] Fayu Owa nearly saved the game in injury time with his stunning trickery, but was denied by the crossbar... [final whistle and delerium in stadium]...much to the pleasure of the Spaamians, who celebrate a deserved victory.
[interview with Faiwe Irafma]
FI: It just didn't happen out there tonight... this is such an intimidating place to play, and the Spaamians were so hyped up for this after the East Spaam madness at the last Cup... full credit to them, they knew we couldn't play like this forever and they sensed the moment, and it came for them.
[FC outside stadium] So the Spaamians gave the Progressans food for thought tonight, but their four-point lead at the top of the group remains after Keyshona also lost. The Progressans are still very much in good shape to reach their second consecutive World Cup finals. Farizek Cosina, Progressa TeleNews, at the Hormel Stadium in Spaam.

KP squad vs Spaam: Palera; Garjeno, MacKazie (Weseydal 73), Maurto; Inhea (Owa 60), Vaiwalo-Mua, Muqlin, Maailian, Failez; Waulino, Irafma.

The Lowland Clans

06-12-2003, 15:46

ASNN - ASLC DOMINANCE OVER UNRANKED TEAMS CONTINUES
Stars throttle CPT defense with over 75 minutes of ball possession

GRAHAM CITY - The Lowland Clan Stars today won an easy victory over the Canadian Power Trip squad, completely totaling the CPT defense, taunting them constantly. Only CPT's goalie kept them in the game, with his miraculous saves left and right, protecting the goal from thunder kicks from forwards Quentin McHenry and George Levi. Star dominace became quickly apparent early on, with a goal from a charging Gavin Fleury in the thrid minute. The team then pushed forward often and hard, constanly being rejected by miraculous saves from the CPT goalie. In the 42nd minute, Defensemen Jeffrey McKay sent a beatiful long bal to Pepper Jones, who danced around the defense and leveled the ball into the top corner. The second half continued, until Quentin McHenry finally got rewarded for his hard work and patience, chipping it by the goalie in the 72nd minute.

Final Score: TLC 3 - 0 CPT
Goals: Fleury (3), Jones (42), McHenry (72)

Audioslavia

06-12-2003, 15:53

It is Audioslavia's week off in international football. Still sore from dropping out of the top 3 in their group, the team (players, managers, janitors, sanitary engineers and all) have decided to take a short holiday in Snub Nose 38.

*Audioslavia's Justin Smith and Marvin Gardens, who cleans the 'slaves tourbus (a job he only got because his mate happened to play for Audioslavia) are sitting in their room chatting and drinking some Tanah Burungian Moonshine, when the phone rings. Marvin answers it.

- Hello?
- *****
- Virginia? uh? wha? *hic*
- *****
- im Marvin mate
- *****
- no MarVin, Marvin Gardens, i do assistant managing.. um.. mainte.. maint....
- ******
- yeah maintance, right, same*hic* as your engineering, for the team
- ******
- because its 1 in the morning and i just got ba...
- *****
- yeah, that late, that late exac... *hic*
- *****
- Marv
- *****
- You want someone in a real state? well, umm, no.. justin come here a minute
- ****
- MARV
- *****
- ummm, o....k, i *hic* dunno, umm, umm, i'll pass you on to someone
- *****

Marvin: (putting hand over the reciever of the phone) Justin, i think this guys got the wrong number, and he wants someone, umm, someone in a real state

Justin: well im in a real state, give the phone 'ere

Marvin: i cant, i just said he shouldnt talk to you

Justin: why?

Marvin: i cant remember

Justin: why dont we get *hic*.. the captain, he'll know what to do

Marvin: k, *wanders over to the corner where Audioslavia's role-model team captain Lee Branson is sitting slumped over a porn mag with a half-empty bottle of special brew in his hand*

Marvin: Lee... Lee *slaps Lee* wake up Lee, your in a real state

Lee: i'm in Real Estate?

Marvin: whatever, theres a phone call for you, they want someone in a real state

Lee: i used to work *hic* in real estate. i got sacked *hic* i think i told the truth once, and i was honest about it

Marvin: *hic* you were an estate agent and you told the truth? and youre my captain?

*Lee goes over to the phone and picks it up*

-Heyyy..lo?
-*******
-Youve got Lee, Im in Real Estate again, who have i got?
-*****
*Lee's face turns white and he puts his hand over the reciever*

Lee: JUSTIN, ITS THE BOSS! SHIT! SOBER UP!

*Justin lets out a quiet snore and unconsciously dribbles down his copy of the 'evening scuttlebutt'

Lee: shit.... *picks the phone back up*

- dude im so sorry, im n... real estate dud....
- ********
- i do work in Real Estate. i think.
- ****************
- umm, what about it? *hic*
- ******************
- uh? well if you want to give them a mountain its gonna be difficult
- **
- i dunno how to move mountains, i can only just move my hand *waves hand up and down in front of his face*
- ******************
- huh? aw boss how am i gonna get a mountain there?
- ****************************
- Lemmitania? *spits*
- *************
- Elba? wha? i cant move mountai... wha? hello? hello? hello? boss? boss its me Lee, hello?

*phone goes dead*

Lee: aw feck.

Snub Nose 38

06-12-2003, 16:00

...Man, this looks bad. We're in the last three minutes of the game, and Defari is beating us 2-0...AAGGH! A billion Aquillans reflexively turn their radios down WHO are YOU??

"I am a representative of the one called Margaret. I understand the Eagles are losing?"

"LOSING? Of course we're losing! Been living in a cave somewhere?"

"Would you like to win?"

"DUH!!!!!"

"That can be arranged; however, the price is one million oodlebags."

"One MILLION???"

"Do you want to win?"

He ponders. I'm sure I could get the money from somewhere...maybe get a budget from HQ for this Margaret person...IF it works...

"Sure."

The person disappears.

We're in our last minute now, and it looks like we're losing. Hey, what's that? The crowd is screaming!!

Why look! At the scoreboard! The Aquillan score is rising!

One...two...three! We win! Hahahaha! What a glorious day for Aquilla! I'll be sure to tell someone at KCHR Central about this.
lol !
*in a a back room of the penthouse offices of the minister of athletics, olympics and alcoholic beverages, in the ministry building, we find someone we have all come to know as "margaret" dumping out a huge sack of oddlebags - a million of 'em, to be exact. when the sack is empty, margaret stares at the pile for a moment. a small grin crosses her lips. the grin develops into full throated laughter, and she leaps onto the pile and begins to joyously roll around in it, a fistful of oddlebags in each hand.*

*meanwhile, several blocks away, on the impressive granite steps of the front entrance of another ministry, standing directly between two large granite lions, the minister of super secret sleuthery is in the middle of a press conference - something about "interferring in the outcome of a sporting event"*

- ...It didn't happen. It will never happen. It isn't happening now.

:roll:

Snub Nose 38

06-12-2003, 16:09

It is Audioslavia's week off in international football. Still sore from dropping out of the top 3 in their group, the team (players, managers, janitors, sanitary engineers and all) have decided to take a short holiday in Snub Nose 38.

*Audioslavia's Justin Smith and Marvin Gardens, who cleans the 'slaves tourbus (a job he only got because his mate happened to play for Audioslavia) are sitting in their room chatting and drinking some Tanah Burungian Moonshine, when the phone rings. Marvin answers it.

and then

...the other side of the phone conversation with the SN38 Minister of Justice and Real Estate...
and another hearty lol !

*the minister of justice and real estate hangs up. he stares quizically at the phone for a moment. he turns and starts to walk away, then stops, turns, and stares at the phone again. he walks back, picks up the phone, and dials*

- ******
- Hello yourself. Can you get the number of the Lemmitania Ministry, or Department, or whatever that's in charge of moving Hellmouths and whatnot?
- **********
- I don't know. I just know they moved a Hellmouth over to Gilmeecia, and with a project like that, somebody had to be in charge.
- *****
- Maybe.
- ***********
- Thanks.

*pause. the minister bites the fingernails on his left hand while waiting.*

- ********
- In Lemmitania?
- ******
- Were you in charge of moving the Hellmouth from...
- **************
- Oh. Well, can you connect me, please?
- *******
- The Minister of Justice and Real Estate for the Frost-Free Borderlands of Snub Nose 38.
- ********
- Hey! There's no need to be insulting.
- *****
- Of course. I understand reflex actions. Can you hook me up?
- ****************
- Thanks.

*another pause. the minister uses this pause to bite the fingernails on his right hand.*

- *********************
- Yes, the Minister of Just...
- *********
- Well, Cockbill Street wants a large mountain to hide behind, and we have these mountain up in...
- *********
- Exactly.
- *************
- Either that, or just tell us how you moved the Hellmouth to Gilmeecia, and we can...
- *****************
- Look, I'm sure we can come to some kind of mutually agreeable arrangement. But we need to jump on this now, before somebody else elbows in here and gives 'em a mountain.
- ********
- Fine by me. I've got a guy over in Real Estate - Marc, or Merv, or something - and a gal in Justice named Virginia. They'll handle our end of it.
- ***********. *************
- Pleasure doing business with you, too.

06-12-2003, 16:30

Globdreg Unlocks the Jar

Acting Player-Manager Leads Wizards to Victory on Mount Doom

From our news services...

Matchday 8, Mount Doom, Warnocks Wizards–Every aged Wizard knows the difficulty in opening a jar. Does one use brute force and club the item with ones staff or does one cast a spell to open that particularly difficult container of prunes? The Red and White Wizards were faced with that very problem last night, but came out victorious in the end with a 1-0 victory over the Fighting Jars of Jaurania in world cup qualifying at Fortress Warnock. Acting player-manager Globreg the Destroyer and company had prunes aplenty following the all important capture of three qualifying points.

With Manager Ufwurz the Furious and the rest of the coaching staff serving suspensions following their dismissals at the Lanky Dude match, the federation appointed target man Globdreg the Destroyer acting player-manager. To help him in his duties, coach of giant spider side Shelobs Obsession and former manager of Tanah Burung and Tanah Tarantula’s national teams, Guntur Ruak served as an assistant. Globdreg was left with a poser before the match...should he wear a tracksuit, a business suit, or a flowing red and white robe with matching pointed hat? In the end, he decided to honour his ancestors and wore Uruk’Hai battle dress adorned with red and white ribbons. The match thus provided a bit of history: Globdreg was not only the first Uruk’Hai to ever manage the national side, but he was the first to wear a suit of armour on the touchline.

The acting manager decided to make a few changes to the starting eleven. With No 1 keeper Ishhak the Smasher currently laying in traction in a bed at the New Rivendell medical centre thanks to a vicious hit by a Lanky Dude, Globdreg would have to choose a new goalkeeper. Veteran Barad-Dur Town goalkeeper Urklok the Despoiler, just called in to the squad to replace Ishhak, was his surprise choice. In defence, tenacious Akhburz the Straggler started at left back and Ghaztrak the Gouger was dropped. Defensive midfielder Gromdul the Gasher was a surprise inclusion in place of winger Akhklash the Emaciated. With the change, Gromdul would take up a spot in the middle of the park, and Ghazghash the Sleazy shifted to the right side of midfield. Globdreg made no changes up front. The side lined up with a flat back four in a 4-3-1-2 formation.

The Fighting Jars kicked off the match. Attacker Vav Cawyy was the first to test keeper Urklok. All credit to the visitors, they were aware the Barad-Dur player was making his national team debut. The Despoiler spoiled Cawyy’s attempt, but looked a little shaky in doing so. Acting assistant Guntur Ruak yelled rather strangely from the touchline, “Use your mandibles and bring the ball into your thorax.” The Wizards settled down after the good Jaurania start. The home side did not look at their best, several Gromdul passes went astray, and the back line looked a little static and were staying at home, not helping at all in the forays forward. Erit Vitori went close for the visitors on twenty minutes. He had Urklok beaten, but the ball trickled wide of the post. Ishklash the Snooty had the Wizards only real chance of the half in the thirty-fifth minute, but Jaurania keeper Ritez Futin saved well low to his left. With the rest of the half nothing but a kick about in the park, the first half ended a disappointing 0-0. Acting assistant Ruak was one of the few to applaud the players off of the pitch.

While The Shagrat and Gorbag Uruk’Hai Folkdance Troupe “entertained” the crowd at halftime, quite a few in the stadium could hear portions of acting manager Globdreg’s colourful halftime talk. “You’re playing like a bunch of drunken dwarves!...Use your cantaloupes!...Gromdul, you are allowed to occasionally pass the ball to a player in red and white stripes!...you are the zone man, get a grip man!...and you, you have to stop dancing around like a sugar plum fairy! Do you hear anyone playing “The Bolero” out there?...Guntur, be a good love, go and bring us some tea!”

The Red and White Wizards took to the pitch in the second half looking determined and ready to take the play to the opposition. Globdreg made one change at the half: Bublok the Destroyer came on for Gromdul the Gasher, who oddly never emerged from the locker room. Ghazghash and Bagdreg took control in midfield once the half kicked off. The Wizards came close to opening the scoring on fifty minutes when Bagdreg’s pass found Ashmazh the Tough, who chipped the ball just over the bar. At the other end, Urklok made his best save of the match when he deflected May Capon’s shot just enough to push it wide of the goalmouth. The Wizards defended the ensuing corner well and Ghazukh the Burner sent Ishklash the Snooty off on a break away. Jaurania keeper Ritez Futin came out and cut down the Snooty one’s angle, and the Warnocks Wizards striker pulled his shot just wide. With the crowd getting a little restless, Gabdul the Looter stepped forward and scored the only goal of the match on 70 minutes. Ishklash’s pass found partner Ashmazh. The strong target man showed some skill by juggling the ball and nodding it to the on rushing Looter. Gabdul struck the ball first time and lashed it past Futin. 1-0 to the Red and White Wizards. Acting manager Globdreg danced and bellowed for joy on the touchline. The home side shut down the match, not allowing the visitors another chance on goal. A deserved three points for Warnocks Wizards after a professional second half performance. Full time: Warnocks Wizards 1, Jaurania 0.

Warnocks Wizards: Urklok the Despoiler, Akhburz the Straggler, Mausnik the Cleaver, Shagrukh the Strongclaw (c), Ghazukh the Burner, Gromdul the Gasher (Bublok the Destroyer 46), Bagdreg the Mauler, Ghazghash the Sleazy, Gabdul the Looter, Ashmazh the Tough, Ishklash the Snooty.

Unused substitutes: Globtakh the Timid, Ufdush the Nasty, Globdreg the Destroyer, Zagag the Sleak.

For their next match in Group 3, Warnocks Wizards host newcomers Microbrits at Fortress Warnock.

Bazgash the Sly, reporting for WW1

Snub Nose 38

06-12-2003, 17:50

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 10 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*that obnoxious aspn sports theme music is playing over the shows’ opening shots – several magnificent goals, a couple of great saves, a corner kick, a really nasty tackle. the scene fades to the aspn studios. behind the desk, where our intrepid reporter is seated, is a snub nose 38 hooligans jersey on the wall side by side with a weegies jersey. the terrible music finally stops. we breathe a sigh of relief, and the show begins*

Today marked the halfway point in World Cup 10 Qualifying Matches for our national side, the Hooligans. With eight matches played, they’ve two byes and eight more matches to go, with one bye scheduled for the next match day.

Today’s match pitted the Hooligans against the Weegies from The Weegies. The Weegies record going into the match was 5 wins, 1 draw, no losses – although earlier in the week the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages publicly offered them a loss at today’s match. The Hooligans entered the match on 4 wins, 1 draw and 2 losses.

The match began a little late, as the Hooligans Manager, Sal Manela, and his coaching staff all failed to show up. However, it turns out that Mr. Manela and his staff are no longer employed by the Hooligans. Ben and Eileen Dover, accompanied by Justin Case, arrived at 38 Special Stadium moments before the match, waving contracts with the ink still wet. After the officials verified that Ben Dover was, in fact, the new manager of the Hooligans, the match began.

In the first half the Hooligans started out a bit slowly – and immediately incurred the wrath of Ben Dover. Everyone in the stadium (and, we’re told, most everyone in the city) could hear him screaming invectives at his side. Since we are a family program, we are not at liberty to quote Mr. Dover. Within minutes the side seemed to take on a new life, and began to play – Hooligan Football!

The Weegies attacked furiously from the onset of the match, midfielders Harris, George Ferguson, Kincaid and Whyte controlling the middle third, and expertly feeding forwards McDuff and Seamus Ferguson time after time. Only the outstanding play of Hooligan keeper Pancake, with 15 saves in the first half, kept the vicious Weegies attack under control.

About midway through the first half the Hooligans began to manage an attack or two of their own, although poor aim on the part of strikers Malicious and Yosarian combined with a number of expert saves by Weegies keeper Wier, starting today instead of Stuart, kept the Hooligans off the board as well. The half ended null-null, both sides obviously frustrated as they left the field.

Here at 38 Special Stadium half time is always time to (choke) enjoy a performance by our other Hooligans, the famous infamous, I say Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders. The Cheerleaders cautiously took the field, setting up in their familiar “38” pattern. Then, they began their…cheer, I suppose.

“Snub Nose Hooligans, Hip Hip Hurray!!
The Hooligans’ll beat the Weegies today!!
Hooligans left, Hooligans right!
Snub Nose 38, fight, fight, fight!
Weegies? Dontcha mean ”Wedgies?”

As is customary, the Mayor of our beautiful capital city of Sten threw out the first rotten tomato. It wasn’t much of a pitch, didn’t quite reach the Cheerleaders, but it did effectively start the barrage. I actually timed it, and within 2.75 seconds there wasn’t a dry Cheerleader in the house. Seizing their Kevlar shields, they formed a defensive wedge and began an organized retreat towards the tunnel. A surprise assault on their left flank by a large group of well-vegetabled Weegie fans, combined with a determined frontal assault by a number of Snub Nose 38 Hooligan fans, broke the Cheerleaders ranks, however. They fell into a hasty disorganized (and extremely mushy and disgusting) retreat – the Weegies and Hooligan fans hot on their heels. The last anyone saw of the Cheerleaders, they were tearing around the corner of the Snub Nose 38 Football Hall of Fame across the street, running as fast as they could, and just keeping ahead of the pursuing mob.

When the pitch had been cleaned up by the stadium staff, the second half began, and with a bang for the Hooligans. No more than 30 seconds into the second half, on what appeared to really be a pass hit a bit too hard that more than anything else kind of accidentally flew past the Weegie keeper and into the net, the Hooligans were up 1 to nil.

After the celebration died down, the Weegies re-started the match – and within minutes (in the 4th minute of the second half – 49th of the match, actually) the Hooligans scored again. As Weegie midfielder De Bruis, who started the second half in place of Harris, took the ball up the middle of the field, Hooilgan middie and Captain Knuckles simply stole the ball from him, took it quickly the other way, weaving through the Weegie defense, and fired a quick shot from about 24 yards out that grazed the fingers of diving Weegie keeper Weir and smacked into the back of the net.

The Weegies recovered their composure, and continued to play excellent football, but almost as if they were under a spell, the Hooligans scored a third time in the 57th minute. It was a simple combination of a long pass from defender Hanratty to forward Malicious, a trap, a turn, and a shot – and into the net it went. Weir stood transfixed, staring at the ball, as the Hooligans celebrated their third.

The remaining 33 minutes (and the 3 minutes of added time) were dominated by the Weegies. And yet, they were unable to finish. They managed 7 decent shots, 4 of them on target, but each of those 4 times Pancake kept the ball out of the net.

At the final whistle, the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages could be seen dancing in his box with someone only identified as “Margaret”, and the score stood
THE WEEGIES 0 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 3

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 10 SPECIAL REPORT*****

Europa Brittania

06-12-2003, 17:57

EB see off USAnia

Reigning world champions Europa Brittania today overcame bottom placed USAnia to put paid fears of a slip up duiring qualification. Defeat to Lanky Dudes consigned to memory after the brilliant defeat of Total'n Utter Insanity which will leave bragging rights firmly in the EB camp until next they meet.

The same starting eleven who faced and defeated the Insanicans put USAnia 3-1 to the sword, with goals from Kiewitz, Lionel & O'Hanrahan keeping qualification hopes steady.

[code:1:845b308385]

Group 3 P W D L F A GD Pts
Runaway Moose (13) 7 6 1 0 17 7 +10 19
Europa Brittania (1) 7 6 0 1 18 5 +13 18
Lanky dude (53) 8 5 0 3 15 9 +6 15
Total n Utter Insanity (29) 7 4 1 2 14 12 +2 13
Warnocks Wizards (34) 7 3 1 3 7 9 -2 10
Koennerstein 7 2 2 3 5 9 -4 8
Jaurania 7 2 0 5 3 12 -9 6
Microbrits 7 0 2 5 5 12 -7 2
USAnia 7 0 1 6 1 10 -9 1

[/code:1:845b308385]

EB sit second within the group, one point off leaders RM, and three points clear of Lanky Dude, whom have played a game in hand.

[OOC: I live....]

imported_Nikea

06-12-2003, 18:08

(OOC: Sorry it's so short, I don't know if I'll have time later and Chelsea/Leeds Utd. are on in a few minutes :P )

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

Pandas Roll Past Grigala
A 2-0 Victory at Home Increases Point Lead
by Markenin Markenel

INTERIU(NP) - The Pandas put the awful memory of matchday 7 behind them with a comfortable 2-0 win over Grigala last night.

The Pandas opened the scoring in the 23rd minute, when captain Kalainen Mersentel hit a volley off a pass from Mortethel, which screamed past the Grigalan keeper, making the score 1-0. The Grigalans had to fend off a determined Nikean attack for the rest of the half, as the Pandas looked eager to shake off memories of the 4-0 debacle in Queldas.

The Pandas put the game out of reach in the 63rd minute, when the far left midfielder, Akitomo Sakai, showed his speed by making a run down the touchline, pulling into the middle, and skillfully placing a shot just inside the near post to make it 2-0.

The result, coupled with the Nastic and Rejistania 1-1 draw, puts Nikea 4 points ahead of their closest competitors, and 2 behind Oglethorpia, who were victorious today. The unfortunate Grigalans now go into their bye matchday with 3 points, good enough for the basement, while Haraki, Senoj, and SPARTEN round out the remaining teams. Nikea next travels to Rejistania to take on the Orange-Blues before their second bye of qualifying.

[code:1:7fae6fba86]
Nikea 2 (Mersentel 23, Sakai 63)
v.
Grigala 0
[/code:1:7fae6fba86]

---------------------------------

MD 1: Bye (Starters defeated Substitutes 4-2 in Intrasquad Scrimmage)
MD 2: Nikea v. SPARTEN - Losenas Field, Losenas W 2-0
MD 3: NASTIC 2 v. Nikea D 1-1
MD 4: Senoj v. Nikea W 2-0
MD 5: Nikea v. Irrevilentsdom - Markeno Bridge, Straedias W 2-0
MD 6: Oglethorpia v. Nikea W 1-0
MD 7: Nikea v. Haraki - Solarin Stadium, Queldas L 0-4
MD 8: Nikea v. Grigala - Interirien Field, Interiu W 2-0
MD 9: Rejistania v. Nikea

MD 10: Bye
MD 11: SPARTEN v. Nikea
MD 12: Nikea v. NASTIC 2 - Aseri Stadium, Miserias
MD 13: Nikea v. Senoj - Arieni Field, Arieni
MD 14: Irrevilentsdom v. Nikea
MD 15: Nikea v. Oglethorpia - Solarin Stadium, Queldas
MD 16: Haraki v. Nikea
MD 17: Grigala v. Nikea
MD 18: Nikea v. Rejistania - Interirien Field, Interiu

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup X: 3rd Placing and Finals