World Cup Seven - Errinundera wins championship [Archive] - Page 3

Dennisov

12-09-2003, 18:29

As the WorldCup is about to fire its engines we join Dennisov coach Jaques Martin for his views on the tournament, the qualification and the players.

"Jacques, good evening."
"Good evening, Mart"

"Congratulations with the qualification, no real problems."
"That's what you think, Mart, we played hard, defended harder. With the focus back on the defense we hoped to be able to stop leaking goals."

"It seemed to have worked well. Still, the amount of goals scored is astounding."
"Not just Dennisov has scored a lot of goals, look at the other qualifiers, the new rules have opened up the field allowing players more freedom to play. That's why we have changed our own tactics, the offense, we thought, would be ok, the defense we had to work on and that is exactly what we have been doing between our elimination in the last cup and now."

"Does Tretchak coaching your goalkeepers help? I have heard nothing but good things about him."
"He is a legend, a true legend. With him and Brian (Leetch) on the staff, today's players have a deep well of experience to draw from. Brian helped our defenders to reach a higher level, Vladimir just did what he does best, work them to the bone and the results show."

"Do you intend to alternate between Sawchuk and Cheevers? Both of them are awesome goaltenders?"
"We just have to wait and see, we are now playing teams which did exceptionally well in qualifying. The best will play of course, but I won't make this decision sitting at your table."

"This is going to be the last championships for Gretzky?"
"I don't know, you should ask him, but he shows as much energy in both practise and during the games as when he just started. The other attackers, even the other players look up to him and quite frankly I couldn't ask for a better captain."

"How about the our group?"
"We are unfortunate to be the third team, which means we play the stronger teams first. Then again, we had the number 3 seed, Spaam, in our qualification group, you just can't tell."

"Squornshelous and Halfassedstates are the obvious competitors, how about Timway?"
"Timway qualified, that makes them dangerous. They keep talking about the group of death this and that, but in all honesty, there are going to be teams eliminated which other people never thought possible. It's the finals, teams will have to be eliminated. Timway eliminated enough teams to be here, so they have earned it and should be reckoned with."

"Yes, but playing Squornshelous and Halfassedstates is going to be different than playing Timway."
"I don't see how this logic works, as far as I know each team will field 11 players, on a bit of grass. Sounds very much the same to me. Timway has as much chance of going through as we do. The first game is the most important one, it's always been that way, this year is not going to be any different. We won this cup being a complete unknown, so why not Timway? No, we need to be ready and play hard each and every match, be it Squornshelous or Timway."

"Thank you Jacques Martin. Well folks, we have made it to the big show, we are here. Tomorrow our broadcast will come live from Audioslavia. First some comments and predictions, then the game itself.
Halfassedstates v. Dennisov in the break some highlights from the other group match. Mario Lemieux will be there to give us his views. Then later that night all the other games, all the action, all the goals.
Good night"

The Belmore Family

12-09-2003, 18:57

Belmore go head to head with Lemmitania
Here is our group.....

Group E
Lemmitania[8]
Svecia[11]
Belmore Family[28]
Giant Zucchini[34]

Toms Prediction: I think Giant Zucchini are out of it. Lemmy is looking good for taking the group so TBF may be in for a set back in the first match. Match 2 however will most likley decide our fate.A draw would be nice and put us in good steed for the next match. Finally Giant Zucchini. Here we need a big win. this match will probally be the difference between qualifing and not.
Lets go.

The Belmore Family

12-09-2003, 19:00

Can we have the new spreadsheet up please???????????????

Gilmeecia

12-09-2003, 19:05

Lemmitania

12-09-2003, 19:14

Can we have the new spreadsheet up please???????????????

It's on http://nswcc.tripod.com now.

Total n Utter Insanity

12-09-2003, 19:38

Maybe you should have two spreadsheets, one with the matches/goals in qualifying and one with the matches/goals of the finals.

Total n Utter Insanity

12-09-2003, 19:40

So you are gonna abandon something we have done for 6 World Cups just so AS can get to the final ( :lol: ) and get beaten by Lemmy?

Spaam

12-09-2003, 19:51

Oh Belmore shutup....

And fairy nuff Lemmy :)
As long as I keep my unbeaten run, I'm all good :P
And last time Ariddia and I met, I kicked him 2 nil ;)

Spaam

12-09-2003, 20:29

Oh yeah, it also seems I shouldn't've worried about getting through.... Christofi is no more! Talk about Lady Luck being with me ;)

Kingsford

12-09-2003, 20:45

The Athletic Review
World Cup 7 Edition

AUDIOSLAVIA - Kingsford has just entered group qualifying as the second ranked team in Group A. Also in the group are home favorites Audioslavia, Malundar, and slightly loathed Liverpool England. When asked how he thought he would do, Coach Dan Hall had this to say: "We made a spectacular run in qualifying, ranking 3rd in the world only by goal difference. I can't really tell how well we'll do in the next three games, but I'd like to wish the best of luck to Malundar, Liverpool England, and home favorites Audioslavia." After getting a nondescript answer from the coach, The Athletic Review then asked TnUI bookie and star forward Hill. "The Slaves and Kingsford National are in. Now you wanna place a bet, or not?"

Snub Nose 38

12-09-2003, 21:18

Can we have the new spreadsheet up please???????????????

<OOC>Okay. But it isn't really any different from the old one. That is, I'm not updating anyone's stats. I think that would give an unfair advantage to Ariddia and SN38, the teams who ended up with +25 GDs at the end of qualifying. We don't need Ariddia's offense getting any stronger, now, do we?</OOC>

OOC: I don't see a problem. 8) I'm sure Ariddia would agree. :wink:
I shall try to round up a minister or two, or possible the Hooligans managing staff, to RP the official position of the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38.

(really - I think we should stick with the rankings, stats, and formula through the end of this World Cup)

Bedistan

12-09-2003, 21:48

Group C:

[3] Errinundera
[13] Lunatic Goofballs
[24] Bedistan
[32] Haraki

Keeping a tradition alive -- that tradition being that I don't make it out of the first round. ;)

Previous experience with these teams:

[3] Errinundera
0-1 in WC6 extra post-qualifying round robin, match 2

[13] Lunatic Goofballs
No previous experience

[32] Haraki
0-0 in WC6 qualifying, matchday 4
2-0 in WC6 qualifying, matchday 11

Lemmitania

12-09-2003, 21:57

Maybe you should have two spreadsheets, one with the matches/goals in qualifying and one with the matches/goals of the finals.

You mean, use teams' qualifying stats for their qualifying matches, and their Cup stats for their Cup matches?

I actually kind of like this idea. Not that I'll be hosting again.

Lemmitania

12-09-2003, 21:58

So you are gonna abandon something we have done for 6 World Cups just so AS can get to the final ( :lol: ) and get beaten by Lemmy?

On this one, you lost me. What are you referring to?

Bedistan

12-09-2003, 22:57

As far as I know, no participating World Cup 7 team has a national calendar that has a current year or a next year that ends in 13. It must mean the Cup begins next July.

Actually, it is presently February of 2012 in Bedistan. That means that next year would be 2013. :P

Europa Brittania

12-09-2003, 22:58

Brittanians prepare for the long haul.

Brittania were today handed a group that to many will have only two clear winners- Spaam & Audioslavia. Team Coach Jarvis Smith pulled no punches as he gave his thoughts on the group-

"Lets be honest, we have one of the hardest groups in the next stage, with two high quality teams competing with us, Its going to be extremely difficult to get anything. We won't let down our supporters in the effort we give, and our commitment will be one hundred percent- but we certainly have a mountain to climb."

Tanah Burung

12-09-2003, 23:16

TOUGHEST BATTLE YET

Tanah Burung has been drawn in Group D, home to top seed Quohog. In another piece of bad news, Group matches will be played at dreaded Lemmitania National Stadium, where Tanah Burung played its group matches last Cup.

"The players are nervous," said coach Guntur Ruak, "but i'm trying to convince them there is no such thing as the Lemmitania Jinx on our squad. If we can start with a good result there, it will banish the ghosts of our 6-0 defeat in our last match at that venue."

Head-to-head records again the other teams in Group D are more promising. Tanah Burung's first-ever Cup match was against Quohog, a 1-0 defeat in WC2, but the Crocodiles recovered to win all their matches until the championship. The two teams have a lifetime record of 1 win each. The Crocodiles have won their only match against Runaway Moose, in WC4. They have never played Pure Evil.

Bookie Mau Slurp has named Quohog and Lemmitania as co-favourites in his betting shop, with Tanah Burung listed as 20-1 longshots.

"We like those odds," said coach Ruak, placing a symbolic 100-babble bet on the Crocodiles before boarding the blimp for Lemmington. "Sure, Quohog are tough customers, but remember that a country based on greed and oppression can become complacent and fall prey to those who spirits are true. We shall struggle against the mighty, as our people have always done, and God willing we shall triumph."

12-09-2003, 23:17

Oglethorpia

12-09-2003, 23:25

Dubble post

Oglethorpia

12-09-2003, 23:26

Oglethorpia

12-09-2003, 23:26

Triple post :?

Oglethorpia

12-09-2003, 23:27

Football Wrapup: First Round

Mike White: Hey folks, welcome to Football Wrapup and Don and I are talkin' about the first round as Oglethorpia looks to continue on in it's WC Seven bid. To start things off, let's take a look at the group.

[code:1:14cfc65679]
Group B
Total 'n Utter Insanity (7th)
Oglethorpia (13th)
One Red Dot (22nd)
Busby (39th)

[/code:1:14cfc65679]

Don Crowhurst: Aye. As you can see, Total 'n Utter Insanity is ranked 7th in the world, closely followed by Oglethorpia ranked 13th, and ORD the last seeded team at 22nd in the world.

Mike White: Most of you recall the last match against TnUI, defeating Oglethorpia in extra time. Group B seems to have set up Busby, ranked 39th, as the whipping boys of the group, and despite qualifying, they trailed the unstoppable-Kingsford National-football machine by an amazing margin of 14 points.

Don Crowhurst: Quite a deficit. But as you know Mike, the teams have got to come through in the first round or all that hype and energy counts for nothing. We saw Oglethorpia play through qualifying undefeated in WC Six, only to take a loss to Quohog and end their WC bid with a tie against Sqournshelous.

Mike White: That's right Don. If Oglethorpia can win the games that count in Group B, Oglethorpia will be in a good position in the Cup. It's all about momentum, and in three games you've really got to preform at your best. Falter in one and you may ruin your chances in the other two.

Don Crowhurst: Well we certainly know this Oglethorpian team will put up a good fight, and we're hoping them the best through Group B.

Mike White: That's right. Keep watchin' the Undoukai Sports Net for coverage of Group B's games as World Cup Seven plows on. For Donald Crowhurst, i'm Mike White, and see ya later football fans.

Total n Utter Insanity

13-09-2003, 00:38

Busby, Ranked 39, or something.

Total n Utter Insanity

13-09-2003, 00:39

oh yeah, and Audioslavia are in group A, and Lemmitania are in group E. The hosts are always in seperate halves of the draw :)

The winner of A plays the runnerup of E. The winner of E plays the runnerup of A.

whos tournament is this? ABCD are one half, EFGH are the other.

TnUI without nitpickig wouldn't be TnUI.

But Audioslavia is correct. Bracket "halves" are based on the assumption that the top-ranked team will take first place in the group. Because the brackets mix halves (as TnUI points out), it is impossible to truly separate the hosts so that they cannot meet until the final.

So you are gonna abandon something we have done for 6 World Cups just so AS can get to the final ( :lol: ) and get beaten by Lemmy?

On this one, you lost me. What are you referring to?

Svecia

13-09-2003, 01:09

Hey, I haven't been following the current World Cup (even though I'm in it) for a couple of weeks because I was waiting for those telegrams to start coming in saying I had beaten all these weakling teams. So I was beginning to wonder if this Cup had started yet. I saw the website for the World Cup though. That's a well put together site. Good stuff. I especially like the World Cup 5 rankings ; )

Liverpool England

13-09-2003, 04:17

Main Round
Matchday One Kingsford - Soundgardian National Arena, Cornellby, Audioslavia
Matchday Two Audioslavia - Soundgardian National Arena, Cornellby, Audioslavia
Matchday Three Malundar - Soundgardian National Arena, Cornellby, Audioslavia

Odds from LiverpoolEnglandattheWC.com:
Matchday One, Kingsford win: 1-5 (favourites) draw: 2-5 LE win: 4-1
Matchday Two, Audioslavia win: 3-10 (fav) draw: 7-4 LE win: 3-2
Matchday Three, Malundar win: 4-1 draw: 2-1 LE win: 2-3 (fav)
Group Winners Audioslavia: 3-1 Kingsford: 2-1 (fav) Malundar: 5-2 LE: 4-1
Runners-Up Audioslavia: 1-3 (fav) Kingsford: 2-1 Malundar: 1-2 LE: 1-2
Third Placed Audioslavia: 13-3 Kingsford: 14-5 Malundar: 4-1 LE: 3-1 (fav)
Fourth Place Audioslavia: 13-3 Kingsford: 14-5 Malundar: 1-4 (fav) LE: 3-1

Lemmitania

13-09-2003, 06:29

Live from Holloden, Audioslavia, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. It’s World Cup time once again, ladies and gentlemen, and this is your home for all the action as your Lemmitania Lemmings enter the fray and try to come home winners. The group stage begins tomorrow as the Lemmings take on those raucous racers from The Belmore Family. And now, joining me in the studio are your World Cup commentators, the Voice of the Lemmings, Clem Gilson, and the Dean of Lemmitanian sports: Gillllll Lllllemsonnnn!

Clem: Thank you Glick, it’s great to be here!

Gil: That boy does the best introductions in the business, I ‘ave to say.

Clem: He does at that.

Glick: Thank you, gentlemen. Welcome to the program. Tonight we’ll be introducing this year’s edition of the Lemmings, as well as discussing the qualifying rounds. But first, Audioslavia. We share a four-hundred mile border with them, but many Lemmitanians know next to nothing about our hulking neighbor to the south. What are your impressions of this gigantic, affluent nation?

Clem: It’s too freaking loud.

Gil: To be honest Glick, I ain’t been out of the ‘otel room.

Glick: I’m sorry to hear that. Been feeling under the weather, Gil?

Gil: To say the least.

Clem: He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Glick: Fair enough. We all have things we don’t want to talk about. So you don’t care for the ubiquitous outdoor audio systems, Clem?

Clem: I do not. Well, I suppose I wouldn’t object to the speakers popping out of every lamppost, mailbox, and tree, if they weren’t playing Zach de la Rocha and Jake LaMotta twenty-four hours a day.

Glick: That’s Tom Morello.

Clem: What is?

Glick: The name of the guitarist you just said.

Clem: I just said Jake LaMotta.

Glick: Right. In Audioslavian, his name’s pronounced “Tom Morello.”

Clem: Jake LaMotta’s not a guitarist, he’s a pugilist. Which is part of the reason his music makes my ears hurt.

Glick: I think you might have two people confused, Clem. Jake LaMotta was a boxer, like, forty years ago. He’s no relation to Tom Morello.

Clem: Don’t go pulling a Gil on me, Glick. Two guys, one guy, it’s all the same. Basically the guy has a pickup attached to a cat that he smacks around. And while some people may like the noise that produces, it just doesn’t appeal to me.

Gil: ‘e smacks around a pussycat?

Clem: Yep.

Gil: ‘e ought to be arrested!

Glick: He doesn’t abuse animals. Clem’s using hyperbole to make his point. Well, I’m sorry you’re not a Rage Against the Slavegarden fan, Clem. ‘Cause those of us who are think Audioslavia’s about the best place in the world.

Clem: So why don’t you move here?

Glick: My house is on the banks of the Rio Auslem. The walls of Machinegrad are a hundred meters away. I can hear the strains of Zach’s screaming day and night.

Clem: Oy bejeezus. How do you sleep?

Glick: Blissfully.

Clem: You’re a weird egg. No one can take that away from you, kid.

Glick: I’ve always wanted to visit Audioslavia, ever since I was a kid in the shanties of Gilmeecia. We used to listen to Rage tapes that had been smuggled into the country by the-- well, I shouldn’t say, in case the Gilmeecian authorities are listening.

Gil: Rage Against Welcome to the Machine are illegal in Gilmeecia, are they?

Glick: Oh, completely. If you’re caught with one of their tapes and you get off with a secret-police asskicking, you count yourself lucky. But all the kids love them. Mad Zach is something of a spiritual leader to the Gilmeecian youth.

Clem: You call him Mad Zach there?

Glick: Of course.

Clem: Why?

Gil: Because that’s what ‘e’s called, Clem. We’ve been through this before.

Clem: All right, never mind. So Glick’s having a grand old time in Earsplittania, I’m walking around with cotton in my ears, and Gil’s holed up at the Holloden Grand. Which, being an international hotel, offers both Raging and non-Raging rooms, I’m happy to say. Anything else we need to cover in re: the Audioslavians?

Glick: They bring the funk!

Clem: I’m sure they do.

Gil: The food’s not bad.

Clem: Oh, so you’re eating again, are you?

Gil: I never stopped. Not officially.

Clem: When we finished off the Union season three weeks ago, you hadn’t eaten a proper meal in three days, remember?

Gil: ‘ell yes, I remember. I still ‘aven’t eaten a proper meal. I’ve been gettin’ by on wieners.

Clem: Blecch. You know, those things are made out of cows’ spleens and testicles.

Gil: Wull, they’re the only thing I ‘ave an appetite for.

Clem: Too distraught over the indictment, eh?

Gil: I prefer not to talk about it.

Clem: Well, the international listeners might not know all the intrigue that’s gone on the past four years.

Gil: So wot? Keep ‘em in the dark, I say.

Clem: That’d hardly be fair.

Gil: Oh, you just wanna rub me nose in it.

Clem: It would be a shame to miss the opportunity.

Gil: You’re a cruel bastard, Clem.

Clem: Leave the room if you don’t want to hear it.

Gil: I think I better stay an’ take wot opportunity I can to defend meself.

Clem: You know, I recall your saying something during ‘Cup Six about the shite being on the brink of the fan.

Gil: Yeh, prolly. ‘Cause it was.

Clem: Well, it took a couple of years after that for all the allegations to come out.

Gil: Wotever. ‘ow about we talk about the Lemmings’ roster, instead?

Clem: So for those not in the know, it was about two years ago that the Lemmitanian Ministry of the Interior, in cooperation with the LRU-- that’s the Rugby Union-- launched an investigation into the International Knee-Joint Breakdown Fund.

Gil: Do you ‘ave the roster? Lemme see it.

Clem: This was after Bing Bingson’s indictment, right after World Cup Six finished up. He’d been under secret investigation for years, it turned out, by the Rugby Union’s head office.

Gil: Oh, I see Lana Maelstrom’s been promoted to captain. Good for ‘er. Fine young woman, Lana is.

Clem: The Union had been paying out hundreds of thousands of lemmings through their insurers to cover Bing’s medical bills, all as a result of his knee-joint breakdown-- or I should say, his alleged knee-joint breakdown. And the LRU was suspicious right from the start. Now, most people have heard of the Bing Bingson Breakdown Society. That’s the charity Bing founded not too long before the IKJBF was started up. And they were basically sister organizations.

Gil: There never was, and never ‘as been, an’ never will be any sort of relationship wotsoever between the BBBS and the IKJBF.

Clem: You just keep telling them that.

Gil: You know wot I notice about the players this time around?

Clem: What?

Gil: I could be mistaken, but I think these are all professional footballers.

Clem: Yeah, they are. Except Lemma Mingstein. She still plays hoops.

Gil: Wull, that’s sort of a turnaround, ain’t it? Seems to me in the past, the Lemmings football club was made up of off-duty rugby-types. An’ more basketball players.

Clem: Yes. Yes, obviously. Seeing as the professional football league started right after World Cup Six concluded.

Gil: A lot’s ‘appened since World Cup Six.

Clem: A lot always happens between World Cups. They’re four years apart.

Gil: True, true. And yet sometimes it seems like one Cup leads right into the next.

Clem: Especially when you’re hosting two in a row.

Gil: Oh, did Ausioslavia ‘ost the last one, too?

Clem: No, Lemmitania hosted the last one. And we’re co-hosting this one.

Gil: I guess that’s why it’s called the Lemmitanian Cup.

Clem: I’ll just let that one go without comment. So anyway, with the indictment, the government got access to all the BBBS’s records, and turned out millions of lemmings had been funneled more or less straight into Bing’s pockets.

Gil: Nothing to do with the IKJBF.

Clem: At the time, Gil was denying left, right, and center that he had any official ties to either the BBBS or the IKJBF. But then it came out that he was on a panel of advisers to the IKJBF, and then it came out that he’d been on payroll since the day of the charity’s inception.

Gil: Which is not in any way illegal!

Clem: No, but it contradicted six years of denials by you that you had any involvement in the IKJBF. Our long-time listeners will remember some of the things you said during the World Cup Five broadcasts.

Gil: That was because I wanted to be an anonymous philanthropist. I just di’n’t want anyone to know I was involved!

Clem: Anonymous philanthropist, my ass.

Gil: You’re taking secret delight in my pain, aren’t you?

Clem: What secret?

Gil: Ooo, that’s Schadenfreude, Clem. And it always comes back to bite you in the ass. Jus’ you wait an’ see!

Clem: If Karma’s putting the smackdown on anyone, I’d say it’s you, my friend.

Gil: Karma? Karma!? I’ll ‘ave you know, Karma ain’t got nothin’ on me!

Clem: Yeah, well, we’ll just let your fate be the judge of that. So after the downfall of the BBBS, the IKJBF naturally came under scrutiny. And considering that the first thing they found was that you’d been secretly taking home paychecks to the tune of two-and-a-half million lemmings over the years, it was just a matter of time before the indictments started flying.

Gil: Says you. There’s nothing illegal about being well-paid. And I stand by that.

Clem: Yeah, yeah. You know what this is all about, so lay off the smoke screens. As far as you’re concerned, the shite truly hit the fan when the courts ordered Joey Lemstater to sit for an independent examination.

Gil: Which was inconclusive.

Clem: Which concluded that there was no damage whatsoever to his knees.

Gil: ‘ow can they know that? Bunch of quacks.

Clem: Doctors know all kinds of crazy things. Like whether the sack of jelly in your knee has turned to cement.

Gil: Anyway, as you well know, when the IKJBF found out Joey’d been scamming them, they kicked ‘im right out on ‘is ear.

Clem: And refused to return any of the money he had raised on their behalf.

Gil: Just because Joey’s a charlatan doesn’t mean all the other poor KJB sufferers in the world should suffer. More. By bein’ denied the benefits of all the research that money could buy. Wot sort of fairness is there in forcin’ the IKJBF to fire its scientists an’ researchers just ‘cause Joey Lemstater might ‘ave raised a little money under false pretenses?

Clem: Funny you should mention the IKJBF’s scientists and researchers. Because the Ministry of the Interior’s investigation revealed that all none of them-- none of the ones that actually existed that is-- were actually scientists in any commonly-accepted meaning of the word.

Gil: The ‘ell you say!

Clem: Which ones were serious researchers?

Gil: All of ‘em!

Clem: Name one!

Gil: I don’t remember any of their names off’and. I wasn’t involved in that end of the charity.

Clem: I remember some of the names. I remember Knute Rockne.

Gil: Yeah? Wot of ‘im?

Clem: Knute Rockne, aside from being dead, was never a scientist of any sort.

Gil: Prove it.

Clem: What about Lig Nosmel?

Gil: Lig’s a famous knee bionicist.

Clem: Famous in what sense?

Gil: In he usual sense.

Clem: And what the hell’s a bionicist?

Gil: Someone ‘oo studies bionics, obviously.

Clem: There’s no such thing.

Gil: You just tell Steve Austin that!

Clem: There’s no such thing in real life!

Gil: There is. There is there is there is!

Clem: All right, whatever. Anyway, there’s no such person as Lig Nosmel.

Gil: Says you.

Clem: That’s just your name backwards!

Gil: Says you!

Clem: Put the letters in order! It’s not a matter of opinion!

Gil: Says you!

Clem: You know, I think saying ‘Says you’ and ‘The hell you say’ all the time might be part of your troubles in court. You have to refute accusations with reasoned argument.

Gil: Yeh, well, sometimes reasoned argument ain’t really an option.

Clem: Like when you’re caught dead to rights. Anyway, that more or less brings us to the present. You’ve been indicted, and you’re likely facing millions of lemmings in the settlement, plus jail time. So good luck.

Gil: Life is crap.

Clem: Heh heh.

Gil: Schadenfreude! I’m warning you, Clem.

Clem: Oh, you’ll weasel your way out of it one way or another. I know you.

Glick: And that wraps up tonight’s program. Join us tomorrow, live from Holloden, for the first match of World Cup Seven. As they say in Audioslavia, G’nite, bitches!

Oglethorpia

13-09-2003, 06:51

[quote="Lemmitania"]
Gil: Rage Against Welcome to the Machine are illegal in Gilmeecia, are they?
[quote]

Nice Pink Floyd reference :D

Giant Zucchini

13-09-2003, 09:13

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini finds itself ranked last in its group, Group E, who will play their matches in Park Lane, Holloden, Audioslavia. This, of course, is unusual for the once Champions of the World, who are back after failing to qualify for the last World Cup. This year, Giant Zucchini has been thrown in with Lemmitania, Svecia, and the Belmore Family. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "It's good to be back in the World Cup, but we have a lot to prove after dropping out of the last Cup. However, if our players continue their form during qualifying and reproduce the kind of results that gave us the Cup back then, I'm sure they can do it again this year."

Lemmitania

13-09-2003, 14:55

Match day 1 scores, excepting Lemmitania - TBF, have been TGed.

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 15:10

The Morning Scuttlebutt

The Rank Scandal of World Cup 7
Sten, Snub Nose 38 (aspn wire)

This reporter has learned of a Rank Scandal from reliable sources in the World Cup Committee, with confirmation from other semi-reliable sources in the Lemmitanian/Audioslavian World Cup 7 Organizing Committee. It seems that the rank of any given side participating in qualifying matches is determined by that sides record in international competition up to the time the qualifying matches begin. That is straightforward enough, seeming reasonable and fair. The controversy is over what a sides rank ought to be after the qualifying matches are complete, going into the actual World Cup competition itself.

The standard until the controversy arose has been that sides retain the rank they began the qualifying matches with throughout the tournament, with rankings re-computed after the entire competition is complete. While this has been good enough until now, certain international sides are raising as an issue that the rankings should be re-computed at the end of the qualifying matches, and then again at the end of the Cup itself. While this may seem absurd, time consuming, and rather pointless at first, certain international sides would benefit due to the increase in something called “weighting” during the competition if their ranking were raised due to re-computation. Equally, other sides would be negatively impacted. While this reporter is not exactly sure what the football term “weighting” means, it is clear that it would effect the outcome of matches in some way.

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages for the Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 let it be known to this reporter that he favors the re-computation of rankings. Another employee of the Ministry on hand at the time, whose name was only given as “Margaret”, said, “You gotta know that if he’s for it, it’d be the exact wrong thing. He’s got a perfect record – been wrong every time he’s opened his mouth since birth.” This Margaret person disappeared before this reporter could get clarification on that statement.

Several other nationstates have given the re-ranking proposal their support. From what this reporter could tell, the rank of the nationstates supporting the proposal would all increase, and the rank of the nationstates calling for the proposal to be withdrawn would all decrease, if the proposal to re-rank the sides after the qualifying matches were to be implemented. If the rankings were recomputed, it is not clear exactly what would be done with sides (host nations) that automatically qualified, and therefore did not participate in the qualifying matches. Let them have the top 2 positions? Let them have the bottom 2 positions? Leave them as ranked, and “wedge” them in to the revised rankings? This, of course, would have to be determined before the proposed change could be seriously considered. This reporter favors calling upon Anita Brake, the Snub Nose 38 Minister of Picking Numbers Out of a Hat, as the solution to determining the host nations ranks were the proposal to be adopted.

When asked about the proposal, Ben Dover, Manager of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, said, “What?”

The Hooligans Offensive Coach, Justin Case, had this to say, “What?”

And Eileen Dover, Hooligan Defensive Coach, commented, “What?”

To illustrate the Rank Scandal and the potential effect of the proposed change to the ranking and weighting mechanism, The Minister of Statistics, Other Totally Useless Information, and Band Aids provided the following complicated, lengthy, detailed, useless list.

Rankings/Weightings as they are – Post World Cup 6
(2) Quohog
(3) Spaam
(4) Errinundera
(5) Halfassedstates
(6) Snub Nose 38
(7) Total n Utter Insanity
(8 ) Lemmitania
(9) Arridia
(11)Svecia
(12)Kingsford
(13)Oglethorpia
(14)Lunatic Goofballs
(15)Squornshelous
(16)Dark Outcasts
(19)Runaway Moose
(20)Audioslavia
(21)Tanah Burung
(22)One Red Dot
(23)Dennisov
(24)Europa Brittania
(25)Bedistan
(27)Akbarland
(28)Malundar
(29)The Belmore Family
(33)Haraki
(34)Giant Zucchini
(36)Ravenspire
(37)Pure Evil
(39)Busby
(42)Liverpool England
(46)Timway
(xx)Nonexistentcitygrad
------------------------------------------------
Rankings/Weightings if revised in Goal Differential order from WC7 Qualifiers
(1) Quohog 10-0-0 33
(2) Snub Nose 38 9-1-0 32
(3) Arridia 9-1-0 27
(4t)Lunatic Goofballs 9-0-1 27
(4t)Oglethorpia 9-0-1 27
(6) Total n Utter Insanity 10-0-0 26
(7) Kingsford 10-0-0 24
(8 ) Dark Outcasts 9-1-0 24
(9) Squornshelous 9-1-0 24
(10)Dennisov 8-2-0 23
(11)Svecia 9-0-1 21
(12)Halfassedstates 9-0-1 21
(13)One Red Dot 8-0-2 21
(14)Giant Zucchini 9-0-1 20
(15)Akbarland 8-0-2 20
(16)Europa Brittania 9-0-1 19
(17)Malundar 7-1-2 16
(18)The Belmore Family 7-0-3 15
(19)Ravenspire 8-2-0 14
(20)Runaway Moose 7-2-1 14
(21)Liverpool England 7-1-2 13
(22)Errinundera 7-1-2 13
(23)Spaam 6-1-3 13
(24)Haraki 6-2-2 12
(25)Tanah Burung 8-2-0 11
(26)Timway 6-1-3 11
(27)Bedistan 5-1-4 8
(28)Busby 4-4-2 3
(29)Nonexistentcitygrad 5-1-4 2
(30)Pure Evil 6-1-3 0

4t – Lunatic Goofballs and Oglethorpia had EXACTLY the same qualifying record:
9-0-1 37 10 27 27
8 – 9 Dark Outcasts and Squornshelous both had 9W 1D 0L 24GD, but Dark Outcasts had more Goals For
11 – 12 Svecia and Halfassedstates both had 9W 0D 1L 21GD, but Svecia had more Goals For
21 – 22 Liverpool England and Errinundera both had 7W 1D 2L 13GD, but Liverpool England had more Goals For
------------------------------------------
Rankings/Weightings if revised (W-D-L, GD, GF) from WC7 Qualifiers
(1) Quohog 10-0-0 33
(2) Total n Utter Insanity 10-0-0 26
(3) Kingsford 10-0-0 24
(4) Snub Nose 38 9-1-0 32
(5) Arridia 9-1-0 27
(6) Dark Outcasts 9-1-0 24
(7) Squornshelous 9-1-0 24
(8t)Lunatic Goofballs 9-0-1 27
(8t)Oglethorpia 9-0-1 27
(10)Svecia 9-0-1 21
(11)Halfassedstates 9-0-1 21
(12)Giant Zucchini 9-0-1 20
(13)Europa Brittania 9-0-1 19
(14)Dennisov 8-2-0 23
(15)Ravenspire 8-2-0 14
(16)Tanah Burung 8-2-0 11
(17)One Red Dot 8-0-2 21
(18)Akbarland 8-0-2 20
(19)Runaway Moose 7-2-1 14
(20)Malundar 7-1-2 16
(21)Liverpool England 7-1-2 13
(22)Errinundera 7-1-2 13
(23)The Belmore Family 7-0-3 15
(24)Haraki 6-2-2 12
(25)Spaam 6-1-3 13
(26)Timway 6-1-3 11
(27)Pure Evil 6-1-3 0
(28)Bedistan 5-1-4 8
(29)Nonexistentcitygrad 5-1-4 2
(30)Busby 4-4-2 3

6 – 7 Dark Outcasts and Squornshelous both had 9W 1D 0L 24GD, but Dark Outcasts had more Goals For
8t – Lunatic Goofballs and Oglethorpia had EXACTLY the same qualifying record:
9-0-1 37 10 27 27
10 – 11 Svecia and Halfassedstates both had 9W 0D 1L 21GD, but Svecia had more Goals For
21 – 22 Liverpool England and Errinundera both had 7W 1D 2L 13GD, but Liverpool England had more Goals For

Bedistan

13-09-2003, 15:25

Bedistan would like to show its support for the original ranking system to remain in place.

"It is absolutely ludicrous for rankings to change between qualifiers and the Cup proper," commented Bedistan Secretary of Sports and Games Stephen Rogers. "I seriously doubt any teams would show a significant change in ability in such a short time period."

Rogers denied that this had anything to do with the fact that Bedistan's team would be ranked either 27th or 28th by the proposals seen in the most recent edition of "Scuttlebutt", which the Department of Sports and Games has subscribed to, rather than the existing 25th rank.

[OOC: Oh boy, time to check the match result against Errinundera. Time for me to begin my slide out of the Cup once more. :roll:]

Bedistan

13-09-2003, 15:50

[Camera pans over a packed stadium filled with Lemmitanian, Errinundrian, Bedistani, and some Audioslavian fans.]

Sam: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen...LIVE from Lemco City Muncipal Stadium in Lemco City, Lemmitania, THIS is the pre-game report for our opening match of World Cup Seven! I am, as always, Sam Murphy, and this is my fine cohort, Joey Stanton.

Joey: Great to be here, Sam.

Sam: Look at all the different colors out there in the stands....we can see the blue and silver of our loyal Bedistani fans, the green and brown of Errinundera, and several other colors out there as well, mainly worn by the Lemmitanians and Audioslavians that have come out today.

Joey: Yes, it's quite a sight to see. I didn't know if we were going to make it here, but I should've known better than to doubt our Lions. Once again, we managed to pull victory from the very jaws of defeat.

Sam: I tell you, once our team gets their adrenaline going, it's hard to stop them. That 4-0 victory over Rhaken Kull to close out the qualifiers is a case in point. But now that we have made it to Lemco City, let's talk about today's match.

Joey: Well, we are facing the team from Errinundera today. We've played them once before, in Errinundera, where we narrowly lost one goal to none. Supposedly, the route the bus took while transporting our team to the stadium caused a number of our players to become rather queasy, and they weren't playing at their best. This time, though, they don't have that advantage.

Sam: Right; we are fielding eleven first-string players in tip-top shape today. How about you run down that roster for us, Joey?

Joey: My pleasure. As always, we have Olivia Bream in goal. For defense, Gary Bell, Richard Weiss, Laura Johnson, and Mike Thomas. Ken Sierra, Lisa Young, Gene Barber, and Leigh Black at midfield, with Johnny Lewis and Jeff Whitehurst on attack.

Sam: Thanks very much. We will return after these important messages to bring you live coverage of this very important match, right here on BSTV.

[cut to commercial]

Oglethorpia

13-09-2003, 18:07

You are watching: Oglethorpia's first Group B game against Busby

Mike White: Hey folks, today we've got Oglethorpia vs. Busby and it looks like we'll be having a good game on our hands. It's a beautiful day here in scenic Republic Stadium in Audioslavia. Murray, got anything to add?

Murray Witcombe: Well, Busby is coming into this match ranked 33rd, the lowest seeded team in Group B, but they are a very strong team. Mike, let's go down to Don in the field. Don?

Down on the Oglethorpia side...

Don Crowhurst: Thanks Murray. I'm here with Oglethorpian coach Ray Krusen. Ray, how are you feeling going into this game?

Ray Krusen: Well, the guys have played fantastic through qualifying, let's hope they'll continue that through the first round.

Don Crowhurst: You've done a fantastic job this first year of coaching, nearly matching Oglethorpia's fantastic WC6 qualifying record.

Ray Krusen: Thanks, i'm really working with a energetic team here.

Don Crowhurst: Well, we're wishing you the best. Back to Mike and Murray in the studio.

Back in the studio...

Mike White: Well, we're about to get this match started as the Oglethorpian team and Busby's take the field. We're about to get this match started.

OOC: I'll post the rest of this match later, when I figure out what's going to happen.

Total n Utter Insanity

13-09-2003, 18:09

Oops! The Lowland Clans should have been 47 not 57. Oh well, they didn't complain.

Tanah Burung

13-09-2003, 18:12

ooc: my rank would go up if the rankings were recalculated, but i think it's a very bad idea.

---

Tanah Burung opens against Citihog. Babble Sportsnet brings you a pre-game interview with the Crocodiles coach, Mr Guntur Ruak:

Jack McMurdo: Coach, you're opening match at this Cup comes against the top seed, at the scene of your team's evisceration in the last Cup, Lemmitania National Stadium. No chance for your boys and girls, right?

Ruak: I disagree. Our theme this Cup is "back to the revolution." Back to the days of World Cup Two, when we were young and no one expected anything of us, when our hearts were pure and our spirit strong, when there were still former guerilla fighters on our team. So there is no country I would rather open against than Quohog. They were our opening match in WC2, and we went on to the championship match. I am very happy to be underdogs again.

McMurdo: But the ranks, coach! You're number 21, they're number one. No chance!

Ruak: We shall resist the relentless march of the Quohog machine. Their run of victories shall end here, crashing upon our determination to resist. And to resist, it is to win. Also I would like to add that our game will be dedicated to the victims of capitalist greed everywhere. On our jerseys, where the other team shall no doubt bear the brand of some corporate oppressor like Maw Ltd., we shall bear the words: "Mutual Aid." That is, a system where people help each other, where not everything has a Quid Pro Quohog. In this match, we shall fight against the Status Quohog in international football and show that the top seed means nothing, when faced with the spirit of resistance.

McMurdo: Um, OK. Anything to say about football, coach?

Ruak: Football and the continuing revolution are one and the same. We will play a 4-4-2 formation, the same line-up that brought us through the qualifiers.

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 18:47

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 7 SPECIAL REPORT*****

* we hear the old “scratchy record” version of the aspn sports theme. we see a short, balding man in an ill-fitting sport jacket (with the aspn logo on the breast pocket) sitting stiffly at the aspn sports desk. the wc7 logo is on the wall behind the desk, and below it an akbarland jersey and a snub nose 38 hooligan jersey. it’s the white away jersey, not the blue home jersey. the theme music comes to an end. there is a lengthy pause. the short, balding man (we now realize he is our reporter) shifts uncomfortably in his chair – we hear it squeek.*

- (whispered) You’re on!

*nothing happens, except the short, balding reporter shifts again, and the chair squeaks again*

- (whispered a lot louder)You’re on the air!!

*the short, balding reporter starts, and an expression of pure terror races across his face. he quickly regains most of his composure*

Um…hello. This is ASPN...an’… I’m Warren Peace. The…uh…the regular…reporters and guys. They aren’t here…um… because they…the…well, they went to Lemmitania instead of Audioslavia, ya see, ‘cause that’s where the Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages tol’ ‘em to go. See, the Hooligans – you know the Hooligans, right? They got a game – uh – a World Cup game, over there in Audioslavia. Comfort. No, Cumberbund. No, I’m sorry…uh…Commerford – yup. Oh, in Peltier Park.

So, that’s where the Hooligans are…’cause, that’s where the game is. Only, our guys – the reporters an’ stuff – they’re over in Lemmitania. Well, the game an’ all, it’s going on anyway, ‘cause they wouldn’t wait another day for our guys to get there. Um…so…I’ve got this thing in my ear, ya know, an’ their gonna tell me the game in my ear, and I’m gonna tell you. The game. What happens. There. Not in Lemmitania…in Audioslavia…

Do what? … Okay…

So…the…game…isn’t coming in yet. I…The guys…our guys…the reporters an’ what not…they got into Lemmitania, see, but then they found out about the mix up an’ stuff. So, there was a problem. They got mad, an’ started a row at the airport tryin’ to get to Cumber – er – Commerford. The, the…Audioslavian police…uh…they took some of our guys…an’ we’re not sure where…

*black out. long pause. when we once again see the studio, the short, balding reporter is gone. sitting in his place is a man wearing jeans and an old flannel shirt, rolled up at the elbows.*

…Hello. I’m Mike Easter, for ASPN. As Warren told you, our regular reporters were unfortunately given the wrong information about where today’s World Cup 7 first round match was to be held. We’re going to do our best to fill in and bring you the news of the match.

The Hooligans opponent today is the international side from Akbarland. Akbarland compiled a record of 8-0-2 in the qualifying matches, scoring 32 goals and allowing only 12 for an impressive Goal Differential of 20. They were ranked 27th in the world at the start of qualifying, but would be ranked about 18th based on qualifying match results alone. The Hooligans Manager, Ben Dover, was heard to say that he considered todays match a “must-win”, since Akbarland is the only side in Group H that didn’t win their qualifying group out-right.

The match featured an astounding number of yellow cards – a total of seventeen, nine issued to the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans and eight to the Akbarland side. Amazingly, no red cards were issued, although at one point it looked like Hooligan Manager Ben Dover might get one. A particularly foul foul was committed by Akbarland defender Nabil Imam, who had already been given a yellow earlier in the match, and while a free kick was given, no card was. Ben jumped up and charged towards the referee. Justin Case, the Hooligan Offensive Coach, grabbed his manager and dragged him back before the incident got out of hand.

As might be expected for a match featuring seventeen yellow cards, the only goals scored resulted from two penalty kicks and one free kick just outside the box. For the first 20 minutes of the match there was no score, though both sides had two excellent chances. Then, in the 21st minute, Akbarian defender Mahbub Alam handled the ball in the box.

*we see hooligan midfielder neanderthal loft the ball into the area from about 15 yards out. forward frisky chests it down, and it bounces up between him and mahbub alam. the ball brushes mahbubs arm. the referee blows her whistle, and points to the spot. several akbarland players argue the point for a bit. the hooligans set up for the pk, to be taken by knuckles. aminul islam takes his position on his line leaning left, right, left, right. knuckles approaches the ball. As he kicks it with his right foot, islam dives right. the ball, coming off the outside of knuckles foot, goes left and into the net.*

In the 42nd minute lightning struck for a second time. This time it was Akbarian midfielder Mossadeq Chowdury who unintentionally handled the ball in the box. However, the result was the same. Knuckles took the PK for the Hooligans. Keeper Islam dove to the left this time – but Knuckles sent the ball straight – directly through the space Islam vacated when he dived. At the half the score stood Akbarland 0 – Hooligans 2.

The Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders had been denied visas to enter Audioslavia, on what we feel are the reasonable grounds of their past police records. Imagine everyone’s surprise when, at half-time…

*in the crowd, in various places, we see people throw off coats (odd in the warm weather), blankets, serapes, gowns, and other outer apparel to revel…snub nose 38 hooligan cheerleaders! they run down to the pitch, gather together, and…*

“Snub Nose 38 – They’re our guy’s
Hooligans, they’ll punch ya right in the eyes
Snub Nose Hooligans – Hip, Hip, Horray!!
The Hooligans’ll beat Akbarland today!
And, what the heck is an Ak Bar, any ol’ way”

*the pummeling with rancid vegetation begins. tomatoes seem very popular. the audioslavian security officials arrive quickly, and begin dragging the cheerleaders away. it isn’t a pretty sight.*

It wasn’t a pretty sight. It never really is with the Hooligan Cheerleaders, is it?

The second half was an all-out offensive for Akbarland. They normally play with four defenders, three midfielders, an attacking midfielder, and two forwards. They shifted a center defender forward to midfield, and attacked with both forwards and three midfielders. The play was in the Hooligans defensive third for 25 of the 45 minutes of the half, and in the middle third for another 15 minutes. The Hooligans defense held, however, and in the 5 minutes of play that took place in the Akbarland defensive third, the Hooligans managed to strike again. Akbarian midfielder Pablo Ochoa tackled Hooligan midfielder Finster, on in relief of Knuckles, at about 23 yards out. Ochoa missed the ball, and got only Finster. While no card was given, a free kick was. On the free kick, Hooligan forward Frisky took a hard shot that went through a space in the wall.

*frisky kicks the ball. snub nose 38 hooligan defender twinkie, standing in the wall, moves out of the way. the ball passes through and into the net just inside the near post. keeper islam valiantly tries to reach it, but he was set up to far away. his glove touches the ball, but not enough to deflect it.*

And that’s how the match ended. AKBARLAND 0 – SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 3

After the match we asked the Audioslavian authorities about the status of the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders, who apparently entered the country illegally. The official we spoke to, on the condition that we not use her name, indicated that they would probably be deported after a hearing. We will bring you additional news as it develops.

This is Mike Easter, for ASPN.

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 7 SPECIAL REPORT*****
[code:1:4b9dc76430]
Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Akbarland 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
Dark Outcasts 0 - - - - - - -
Ravenspire 0 - - - - - - -[/code:1:4b9dc76430]

Lemmitania

13-09-2003, 19:29

Lemmitania Mourns Loss of Sporting Icon
Gil Lemson, Dean of Lemmitanian sports, dies in freak accident

Lemco City - Flags are at half mast and sporting fans across Lemmitania are sitting shiva today, in mourning over the loss of the man who is arguably the most popular broadcaster in the nation’s history. Gil Lemson, known as the ‘Dean of Lemmitanian sports,’ died yesterday at the age of forty-eight in what authorities have described as a ‘bizarre’ accident involving a vaporizer and a particle accelerator. The details of the accident are unclear, but sources close to Mr. Lemson have expressed no surprise that his death should be unusual and perhaps inexplicable.

“Gil was always walking the razor’s edge,” said Glick Masterson, Lemmitanian Radio Network anchor and Lemson’s protégé. “He pushed boundaries. He was willing to try things no one else would try, and the business of sports reporting is better for his experiments. What he was doing with the vaporizer and the particle accelerator may never become clear, but I think we can safely assume that, whatever it was, it would have made the world a better place, had he been successful.”

Clem Gilson, the Voice of the Lemmings and probably Mr. Lemson’s closest associate, had no comment to make on Mr. Masterson’s words.

A rough start

Born in Lemco City, Mr. Lemson grew up in the near-east-side suburb of Lemco Heights. But his childhood was far from the idyllic picture of suburbia called up in the minds of many. Bisecting Lemco Heights are the lines of the Lemtimore & Lohio railway, and a greater cultural divide could hardly exist between the east and west sides of town. Though the Lemson household was only a stone’s throw from the railbridge, one had only to look at the run-down, grafittoed storefronts of East Pettibone St. to see that this was the wrong side of the tracks.

“Gil was a tough kid,” according to Colm Bixby, whose family lived three doors down from the Lemsons. “Always gettin’ into scrapes, ‘e was. But unlike the rest of us, ‘e di’n’t git out of ‘em wit’ ‘is fists. Gil was a talker. That boy could weasel ‘is way out of anythin’, an’ leave you thinkin’ you’d done ‘im wrong for threatenin’ to beat ‘is ‘ide for drinkin’ your soda, too.”

Though hardly a model student, Lemson scraped through grammar school with passing grades in enough subjects to be promoted. When he got to high school, however, an event occurred which would change his life.

The gift of the gab

“Gil was on the verge of flunking right out of the tenth grade,” says Irma Lemsby, a retired elocution teacher who thirty-two years ago found herself exasperated with a sixteen-year-old student who used his obvious talents in all the wrong ways. “The only reason he’d made it to tenth grade was that he’d talked Mr. Steimerheisen into giving him a D instead of an F on the Promotional Exam in lemmingology. He was getting through school by the skin of his teeth and the gift of the gab, and he was not learning a darn thing, if you’ll excuse the expression. But he was such a wonderful speaker; he’d hold all his classmates enraptured with tales of putting rocks on the tracks to see them get crushed. I mean, the most ordinary activities, he just made them come alive. And I was terribly frustrated, because I couldn’t get through to him.”

Ms. Lemsby initially tried to interest the young Mr. Lemson in the school debate team. “That was an interesting experiment,” says Lemsby. “He was really good at the talking part-- I mean, he could talk rings around his opponents. But the logic side, where you had to craft reasoned arguments, kind of went over his head.” Though she was determined not to give up, several months passed before she finally came up with a constructive way for Mr. Lemson to vent his creativity.

“It was late in the year, and Union season was on. The [Lemco Heights High School] Tigers were hosting the final game of the season, against their big rival, Lemco Low High School. The Low Highs were very good that year, and though the Tigers were never remotely competitive, they had an opportunity to knock their rivals out of first place. There was a strong feeling among the student body that the game against the Low Highs was really something special, and the school administration was looking for a way to harness that, so as to keep the kids from running loose through the streets, slashing tires and stuff like they usually did during big games. And I got an idea: what if we sat Gil on the sideline, handed him a microphone, and had him call the game?”

The Principal agreed, and at gametime Mr. Lemson found himself broadcasting through the PA speakers to six hundred screaming Lemco Heights students. It is unfortunate that no one thought to record the commentary, but those who heard it say it was dumbfounding.

“No one ‘ad ever ‘eard a game called like that before,” says Mal Vilmington, one of Mr. Lemson’s high school friends, and a witness to the historical broadcast. “All we’d ever ‘eard was wot they do on the telly, you know, the boooring talkin’ ‘eads wot say, ‘An’ Johnny passes to Mick an’ Mick runs ten yard to ‘is lef’ an’ throws it to Booboo,’ an’ so on. But Gil kep’ us on the edge of our seats the ‘ole game. ‘E di’n’t comment on the action much, but ‘e kep’ us on the edge of our seats.”

By the next Union season, Mr. Lemson had an official position as team commentator, and a contract-- his first-- with Lemco Heights radio station LXRC. Though the station only broadcasts to a three-mile radius, it was enough to pull in an estimated fifteen thousand listeners every Friday night throughout November and December. Mr. Lemson was a roaring success.

Go east, young man

Straight out of high school, Mr. Lemson found himself cold, hungry, and in need of a job. With the celebrity of his high school days, and the warmth and food of his parents’ home, quickly receding into the past, he considered his options. With the steel plants closing one after another, the options were limited. There was the Lemco City quarry, where so many of his classmates found themselves breaking rocks for five lemmings a day. There was his father’s career as a vat-cleaner at the local bottling plant. There was begging on the streets. And then there was broadcasting. Mr. Lemson chose the quarry.

“’E was the worst rock crusher I ever ‘ired,” says Pru Lorring, Mr. Lemson’s foreperson. “Could ‘e lift a ‘ammer? No. Could ‘e operate an electric sledge? No. Could ‘e shovel broken bits into a wheelbarrow? No. Could ‘e whine about ‘ow ‘ard the work was? yes.”

After three weeks of fruitlessly back-breaking labor, Mr. Lemson moved on. “I ‘ad to fire the sorry SOB,” says Ms. Lorring. “Broke me ‘eart. ‘e was like a scrawny li’le puppy-dog wot couldn’t lift seventy pounds over ‘is ‘ead. So I gave ‘im some advice: go east, young man.”

East... to Lemmington

Success breeds success

As the well-known story goes, it was not hard for Mr. Lemson to land an interview with TVL. All he had to do was walk into the lobby and start chatting with the receptionist. Network VP for Sports Herman Smoot just happened to be passing by, got a quick earful, and said, “Gladys, send that boy to seven. I’ll meet him there with a contract.”

Before he knew it, Mr. Lemson found himself well-paid, well-fed, and no longer quite so cold. After starting out as a sideline commentator for LTV’s off-game of the week, he quickly rose to calling the A-game every Sunday. At the tender age of twenty years, he became the youngest ‘color’ man in Lemmitania. Five years later he was hired away by LBC to host the most popular game in Lemmitanian sports, Monday Night Rugby. And the rest, as they say, is history.

A lifetime of ‘public service’

“The thing about Gil, he was always thinking of his fellow human,” says Masterson. “That’s why he got into broadcasting: so he could spread joy to the masses.”

Though he denied involvement for many years, Mr. Lemson was a founder of the International Knee-Joint Breakdown Fund, a charity dedicated to raising awareness of and searching for a cure for Knee-Joint Breakdown, a syndrome affecting an estimated 40 million people worldwide. He has also been identified as the person who first brought KJB to public attention, in his commentaries during the fifth World Cup.

“Selfless. That’s how I’d describe him,” said Val Mallington, president of the Lemco City Sports Injury Rehabilitation Clinic. “Not many people know this, but ‘e’s been payin’ us visits for years, looking for people wot suffer KJB so as to acquaint ‘em with the IKJBF and its services. Millions of lemmings ‘e’s gotten for these people to ‘elp aid in their relief-- just ordinary blokes like you or me ‘oo can’t afford the kind of ‘igh-powered medical attention that a Bing Bingson or Joey Lemstater can buy. If not for Mr. Lemson an’ the specialists that IKJBF’s paid millions of lemmings, most of these people would ‘ave frozen knees by now. But thanks to ‘is selfless charity work, dozens of Lemconders are still walkin’.”

A tarnished image

But for many fans, Mr. Lemson’s reputation was forever bruised by the allegations of wrong-doing in connection with the IKJBF. Though he denied taking part in any illegal activities, Mr. Lemson was indicted on seventy-two counts in federal court last month, and the evidence has piled up against him. Among the charges: that millions of lemmings in IKJBF funds ostensibly earmarked for research were secretly deposited into offshore accounts maintained by Mr. Lemson; that dozens of patients treated for KJB by IKJBF doctors were actually shams perpetrated by Mr. Lemson; and perhaps worst of all, that KJB is not an actual medical condition, but merely a creation of Mr. Lemson’s fertile imagination.

However, he still has his defenders. “Wotever ‘e moight ‘aave done, ‘e did for all the roight reasons,” says star footballer Lana Maelstrom. “Gil was a great, great man, an’ ‘e would never ‘ave stolen any money unless ‘e was secretly usin’ it for the betterment of ‘umankind. I jus’ can’t b’lieve ‘e’s gone.”

While some critics, such as former Dean of Lemmitanian sports Shemp Wooley, have been accusing Mr. Lemson of corruption for years, it seems that most Lemmitanians stand behind their favorite broadcaster even while they wonder if he was a greedy liar. “I still love Gil,” said ordinary Lemmitanian-on-the-street Joe Nobody in an interview last week. “I don’t care what the stuffed shirts believe he may or may not have done. It’s nothing to do with me. I just want to hear him calling Monday Night again next season.”

A bizarre ending to a charmed life

Mr. Lemson’s death is puzzling, to say the least. Mr. Masterson, the only witness to the fateful moment, had trouble explaining to authorities exactly what happened. “I came into the room to see if Gil wanted me to pick him up a sandwich while I was down at the deli. He hadn’t been out of his room at the Holloden Grand since we got to Audioslavia, and I was trying to get him to eat some proper food. And I went in, and he was sitting there tinkering with the particle accelerator, and he reached over and switched on the vaporizer, and zap! He was gone. Vaporized into the ether.”

In another bizarre twist, thanks to a Lemmitanian legal loophole, Mr. Lemson’s death releases all of his seized assets into the custody of the IKJBF.

A funeral without a body

Although there is no body to bury, a funeral procession will be held in Lemco City tomorrow. Beginning at the Municipal Stadium, an estimated 300,000 mourners are expected to file through the streets to Hillview Cemetery in Lemco Heights, where services will be held and a ceremonial urn will be placed in the central mausoleum, where it will remain on display for all time.

Lemmitanian Radio Network has announced that today’s World Cup match between the Lemmings and The Belmore Family will not be broadcast.

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 19:36

ooc: my rank would go up if the rankings were recalculated, but i think it's a very bad idea.
OOC: I agree
also
Love the paragraph where Ruak talks about "Quid Pro Quohog" and "Status Quohog"! :D

Dennisov

13-09-2003, 19:40

With great shock the news of the death of the WorldCup best known announcer has arrived in Dennisov.

Even though not always popular, his voice will be missed.

We pass our condolences to his next of kin, his collegues and last but not least to his fans.

The players of Dennisov will wear a black band around their arms in their next WorldCup game in honour of this monument in WorldCup history.

You are in our thoughts and memories forever.
We miss you.

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 20:08

*the spacious, well appointed offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the minister is seated at his desk, beer (38 special, naturally) in hand, reading the evening "scuttlebutt". he jumps up...and, of course, spills his beer. the butler gives him a nasty glare as he begins to wipe up the spill. the minister doesn't notice.*

- Margaret! The paper says Gil Lemson died.
- Oh, no...
- It says "vaporizor" and "particle accelerator".
- Gil Lemson was a treasure. His sports commentary was unequaled.
- What happens when you accelerate vaporization?
- This is a sad day. We must order black armbands for the Hooligans to wear in their remaining WC7 matches.
- You can't accelerate vaporization. And, you can't vaporize acceleration.
- Yo!! Are you listening? We need to prepare an appropriate statement for you to give to the press about this terrible loss to the world of sports.
- He's not dead.
- ...?
- See this bit about his "seized assets" going to the IKJBF?
- You are a heartless son of...
- He's the major stockholder of the IKJBF. Seventy-Two Indictments, and he's figured out how to slip past 'em all, take his money, and run.
- ...bit...say, what now?
- He set it up. Lemson's a street-fighter. Well, a street-talker (you have to say that very carefully). He set up Clem Gilson and the new kid, Glick Masterson - made them think he wasn't eating well, wasn't going out. Then he gets some fancy equipment, and some flash powder. Masterson walks in, Lemson sets off the flash powder, and takes it on the lem - er, lam - while Mastersons eyes are adjusting from the flash. The equipment is running, Lemson is gone, Masterson is flabbergasted, and reports it to the police. Those Lemmings aren't so bright as a general rule, and Gil is on his way to somewhere that has no extradition agreement with Lemmitania.
- How in the name of...that's some fair deduction for a lame-brain.
- Well, this footyball stuff isn't my forte. But running a con - well, that I understand.
- So, what about our statement to the press?
- Oh, we'll give 'em something about "good ol' Gil", and "good hearted, good natured, kindly Mr. Lemson", and what not. Then, we're gonna find that little lemming and see what's what.

Bedistan

13-09-2003, 20:16

Gil Lemson Dies at 48

LEMCO CITY, LEMMITANIA -- The Bedistan Lions and the Errinundera Longfoots began their first World Cup Seven match late this morning at Lemco City Municipal Stadium in Lemco City.

Eleven minutes into the game, Errinundrian striker antarcticad was preparing to take a penalty kick as the result of a Mike Thomas foul when an announcement suddenly brought the game to a halt. Word had just been received that Gil Lemson, the one and only Dean of Lemmitanian sports, and a native of Lemco City, had just died during the Lemmings' World Cup match in Holloden, Audioslavia.

Both sides immediately stopped playing, and the crowd went silent. A full fifteen minutes was spent in mourning for the lost LRN broadcaster. "What?" asked Bedistani captain Gene Barber. "Gil Lemson dead? No, no, no, that can't be. How can this happen? It must be a hoax! There's no way Gil is gone! It's all a dirty trick! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Barber's remaining words were drowned out by his sobbing.

Eventually, officials decided that despite the death of this international icon, the Cup had to go on, and the two teams retook the field. However, they no longer had any interest in the game and the match eventually ended in a 0-0 draw.

"Mr. Lemson will be missed very much," remarked Secretary of Sports and Games Stephen Rogers. "I've been listening to him for twelve years on the satellite radio feed from Lemmitania, and I just can't believe he's gone."

Flags all over Bedistan are at half-mast today in remembrance of Lemson. All the people of Bedistan will surely miss him.

Oglethorpia

13-09-2003, 20:26

Ray Krusen, on Gil Lemson's death: "That's sad, man. I loved tuning in to them during these past World Cups. Radio won't quite be the same without him."

Total n Utter Insanity

13-09-2003, 21:11

"Who died?"

"Radio? There aren't any in TnUI! Call someone who gives a fuck."

Freddie Walters MP (Sports)

Dennisov

13-09-2003, 21:18

An office in downtown Arrilov, capital of Dennisov.
Amongst the papers a phone...

*ring*ring*

"Yes, hello?"
"Sir, I have a question?"
"A quick one then, I don't have much time."
"Do you have a radio?"
"Why certainly, why?
"Sir? Do you give a f--- ?"

The man looks at the phone for a minute then slams it down on the receiver.
"The rudeness of some people..."

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 21:35

ima post my match report when the server quits being gay :(

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 21:37

So you are gonna abandon something we have done for 6 World Cups just so AS can get to the final ( :lol: ) and get beaten by Lemmy?]

arrange the letters however your muddled brain sees fit, if there are two hosts they are always in seperate halves of the draw.

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 21:42

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 21:48

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 21:50

Dennisov

13-09-2003, 21:53

Offers some glue to repair the broken news...

Snub Nose 38

13-09-2003, 21:54

(...a bunch of quotes in here...)

arrange the letters how you like TnUI, if there are two hosts they are always in seperate halves of the draw.

nUIT ?
UInT ?
InTU ?
TUIn ?
nITU ?
TIUn ?
nUTI ?
UnIT ?
hmmm....

*breaking news, Audioslavia declares war on Snub Nose 38 for "idiocy"*

:P
The Un-named Minister who posted that (nUIT?, UInT, etc) has been involuntarily detained in the Intensive Stupidity Ward at Saint Swithens Hospital.
(what about duplicity?) :wink:

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 22:36

*fireworks light up the night sky, cheerleaders, local schoolchildren and drama students parade the stadium doing outlandish dance routines, and Zach De La Rocha performs the Audioslavian national anthem "Bulls On Parade" in front of 130000 football fans from around the ns world. World Cup Seven has begun, and its opening match, Audioslavia Vs Malundar is about to commence.*

J: welcome football fans im Jeremy Jaffacake and welcome to the greatest show on earth, as brought to you by Channel One. With me in the studio is my associate Bob Smith

B: *point to the camera in a fonzey style* heyyyyy ;)

J: nice... and also, ex Audioslavian striker Chris Cornell

C: hello

J: hey

B: *doing a fonzey impression again* heyyyyyyy ;)

J: enough now Bob... so Chris, tell us, are you excited?

C: excited? dude im sitting here in a white puddle. Audioslavia's first world cup game in front of our own fans, to a team thats equally matched to us. Its gonna be a cracking game dude.

J: damn right, how do you rate Audioslavia's chances?

C: i think we'll win. Home advantage should count i guess, and with all the adrenaline of having 130000 people shouting your name, i think we'll definately come through on top.

J: i hope so..... lets go out to our commentators, Barry James with Tom Morello...

*the camera's lights fade out, and the three presenters, Jeremy, Bob and Chris exchange random words of encouragement. Time passes, the three occasionally get animated about the proceedings, with Chris seemingly the most excited. On two occasions, the three men jump in the air and exchange high-fives as the crowd erupts. Then, a minute and a half before half-time, a man with headphones on solemnly walks up to Jeremy and whispers something in his ear. Jeremy is stunned, and the three whisper for a while before the lights turn back on, and they are ready to start broadcasting the half-time interval.

J: well, Audioslavia have surged into a two-goal lead, but unfortunately, there is also some bad news. A man very close to us, and very dear to the hearts of our neighbours Lemmitania, has passed away. Gil Lemson, aged 48, has died in what has been described as "a bizarre accident".

B: its shocking, he used to hang out with me, smoke weed and drink orange juice. I think he and I shared the same supplier too. Its such a shame...

J: It is. He will be sourly missed by the players too, i believe he used to sell them weed-flavoured orange juice at half time.

B: sell? surely you mean "give"

J: no.. sell... im sure....

B: but, i only gave them to him to give to the players.....

J: ....hmmm...

B: ...anyway that doesnt matter now, what matters is the players concentrate on the matter in hand and win this game. Lets hope the news hasnt gotten down to them.

*camera cuts to the 'slave team watching television, looking stunned.*

B: ..... fuck

*advertisements roll and Channel One cuts to the match again. For the next 40 minutes, the crowd is silenced and the whole world witness Malundar rally 4 goals passed the disheartened Audioslavian team. A last-minute penalty isnt enough to salvage the slaves, and they go down 4-3 in front of their home supporters, and the millions of people watching on television. Bob Smith walks outside, to the spot where him and Gil wasted endless hours drinking "Space J" and talking about how rugby was a better sport because 'all that kicking does no good for your knees y'know'. Bob looks up at the stars, being bumped and jostled by the streams of upset Audioslavian faithful leaving the game. He takes his cap off and mutters......

'you cost us the game you bastard......'*

Audioslavia

13-09-2003, 22:41

nUIT ?
UInT ?
InTU ?
TUIn ?
nITU ?
TIUn ?
nUTI ?
UnIT ?
hmmm....

*breaking news, Audioslavia declares war on Snub Nose 38 for "idiocy"*

:P[/quote]
The Un-named Minister who posted that (nUIT?, UInT, etc) has been involuntarily detained in the Intensive Stupidity Ward at Saint Swithens Hospital.
(what about duplicity?) :wink:[/quote]

blame the forum :p

The Belmore Family

13-09-2003, 22:48

stop worring about TNUI(lol)'s name and get with giving us the results.

Oglethorpia

13-09-2003, 23:13

stop worring about TNUI(lol)'s name and get with giving us the results.

If you read what Lemmitania said (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1522396#1522396) you'd know that the next game's scores won't be telegrammed until 9/15, which is Monday. Today's only Saturday :wink:

Group round fixtures

Matches will be as follows:

9/13: scores TGed
9/14: scores posted
1 3
2 4

9/15: scores TGed
9/16: scores posted
1 4
2 3

9/17: scores TGed
9/18: scores posted
1 2
3 4

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 00:25

Offers some glue to repair the broken news...
How very kind. :wink:

Total n Utter Insanity

14-09-2003, 00:47

Ron Manager arrested for murdering ex-wife!

Moments before TnUI kicked off against ORD in the World Cup Finals, TnUI manager, Ron Manager, was arrested for the brutal murder of his ex-wife.

"This is a terrible blow for Insanician Football. First we lose our best defender Zurk, now our manager. I'd be surprised if we make it past the first round." Said star striker Hill.

Liverpool England

14-09-2003, 01:29

Liverpool England

14-09-2003, 01:30

Kingsford 1-1 Liverpool England as players morale stays low after Gil Lemson's death

Liverpool England, ranked lowest out of all four teams in the group for qualifying, has drawn with Kingsford 1-1 in Audioslavia as players, disheartened to hear about the death of Lemmitanian Dean of Sports, Gil Lemson, aged 48. His death, which has been described as a "freak accident" by some, was made known to the players about two hours before the match. The match began only after three minutes of silence for Lemson. In the match, Liverpool England scored first through a Caddy Cannon penalty - his first goal in Cup proper - after 14 minutes, but Liverpool England then laid back and conceded a 90th-minute stoppage time goal.

[code:1:3978e290ad]
Kingsford 1
Liverpool England 1 (Caddy Christopher Cannon 14th pen.)

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1st Malundar 1 1 0 0 4 3 +1 3
2nd Liverpool England 1 0 1 0 1 1 =0 1
3rd Kingsford 1 0 1 0 1 1 =0 1
4th Audioslavia 1 0 0 1 3 4 -1 0

Next matches
Audioslavia - Liverpool England
Malundar - Liverpool England[/code:1:3978e290ad]
EDIT: Thanks Ogle

Liverpool England

14-09-2003, 01:31

Liverpool England

14-09-2003, 01:31

Liverpool England

14-09-2003, 01:31

Oglethorpia

14-09-2003, 01:42

Ariddia

14-09-2003, 04:05

OOC: Sorry, been busy... WHO THE HELL DREW THESE GROUPS?!? I'll get a report out tomorrow.

IC:
As team captain Khan put it upon being shown the groups,
"Ouch... We're in for one hell of a ride..."

Oglethorpia

14-09-2003, 04:11

[code:1:c4efd51330]
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1st Malundar 1 1 0 0 4 3 1 3
2nd Liverpool England 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
3rd Kingsford 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
4th Audioslavia 1 0 0 1 3 4 1 0

[/code:1:c4efd51330]

There ya go, LE. All spaced out without the dashes.

Tanah Burung

14-09-2003, 04:59

LEMSON'S FACE SEEN IN BEER SPILL

Thousands gathered to mourn the passing of Gil Lemson, dean of World Cup broadcasting, outside the Matebian Grand Hotel where Lemson stayed during World Cup 5. Mourners erected a statue of Lemson made of papier maché and laid flowers at its feet.

"Gil is not dead," said one distraught fan, Carlos Lunatic. "Gil will never die, man." And if recent events are anything to go by, a cult may be emerging:

* Mr. Lunatic reports that he spilled his fourth Burung Bud Brew, and the puddle was in exactly the shape of Lemson's face. "My mug spilled and the spill looked like Gil's mug," he said. "It's a freakin' miracle."

* The statue of Lemson has been reported to be shedding real tears, in sorrow for the thousands of sufferers from prevantable knee trauma.

* Sightings of a rude drunk with a knee fetish have been reported in several international airports.

* The 24-Hour Church of Gil has been opened and begun around-the-clock chanting of the mystery of the faith: "Gil 'as died. Gil is risen. Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque."

The Belmore Family

14-09-2003, 08:20

One Red Dot

14-09-2003, 10:47

Firstly, the international sports community have something to frown about. Gil Lemson, otherwise known as Gil, has died due to freak accident. Others claim foul play and others also say giant chickens, but that's for the critics to argue about. Right now, morale is low and the sports world is mourning for the Lemmitanian commentator who has changed the lives of so many people. We will miss him. We will now have a moment of silence.

(silence)

But even though one has died, the World Cup must still go on, and that is something Gil would have wanted so let's continue with the Red Dot Sports Update.

After 10 long days of qualification, ORD finally makes their way to the World Cup. ORD is now in Group B, with 3 other contenders for the Round-of-16: TnUI, Oglethorpia and Busby.

Total n Utter Insanity

A team with great status, TnUI has been a serious contender in the World Cup, wiping teams away with no more than a snap of a finger. So far, they have not suffered a single loss either. ORD has bowed under their supremacy before, losing to them 0-2 in WC5 also at the Group Stage.

Oglethorpia

A well-known team in the World Cup scene, Ogle easily makes it through to the World Cup. So far, we have no playing experience with them so this will be the first time against them. However, 9 out of 10 wins would prove challenging.

Busby

Busby has done well to enter the World Cup, after dropping out during the last World Cup. With only 4 wins and 4 losses, they just managed to scrape the surface into the World Cup. ORD has defeated them twice in the WC6 Qualifications, beating them 3-1 and 1-0.

Head Adviser Christopher Yorkshin says that he expects some difficulty from Oglethorpia but an easy win from Busby.

But right now, the match update against Total n Utter Insanity at the Republic Stadium in Audioslavia.

ORD Stops TnUI Victory, Draw Marks the Tables

Today at the Republic Stadium, ORD amazingly drew with WC giant TnUI 1-1 after an exciting match for the ORD supporters. STONE saved ORD from a lost at the 63rd minute when he equaled the Insanicians goal. It is said that TnUI’s performance could have been affected by the arrest of their coach, and that’s something we do give a damn about, maybe because we did not lose to them this time.

Anyway, the final score is 1-1.

Here is the Group B table:

[code:1:576f15c86d]
Group B (Day 1) P W D L F A GD T
39 Busby 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
07 Total n Utter Insanity 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
22 One Red Dot 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
13 Oglethorpia 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
[/code:1:576f15c86d]

Another upset came from another match. Busby defeated Oglethorpia 2-0, bringing them up to the top of the table.

ORD will be playing Oglethorpia at the Republic Stadium on the next Group Stage match.

Europa Brittania

14-09-2003, 12:43

Brittania Crash to Spaam.

Zero points was the reward for a Brittanian team that struggled against group favourites Spaam yesterday.

Though a veteran of WC Campaigns, EB are not thought likely to progress past this group stage, something echoed by the performance.

A confident Spaam team took the lead through a set piece on fifteen minutes, with Cannon failing to clear the lines with Reeves well beaten.

Brittania was suffering despite Zurich & Winter's formidable presence, with the midfield unable to provide service to the strikers. Both Junnon and McHilton were forced into their own half as the Brittanian defence struggled to contain their opponents.

A rare breakthrough gifted Brittania a goal, with Winter taking the ball out to the wide left, and sending a curving cross into the box which Zurich was able to rocket past the Spaam keeper to tie it at one apiece.

Half time came and went, with Brittania forced into adopting a defensive style, changing from 4-4-2, to the far less entertaining 4-5-1. Winter was substituted for Roberte Lhitomer, who slotted into the five-man midfield, leaving only Andrew Zurich up front.

This suceeded in frustrating Spaam until the seventy second minute when a comedy of errors saw Reeves forced into rushing from his line, and being rounded, making it 2-1.

With Confidence at a low, Spaam clinically killed the game with a third goal, some neat interplay, and half hearted clearances by Rusel Cannon putting the match beyond doubt.

Afterwards-

I'm extremelyu disappointed by our performance today." began Jarvis Smith- [i]"The players weren't in the right frame of mind, and our for man backline did not account themselves well. I knew this would be a tough group, but its proving to be just so. Also, Andrew [Zurich] has taken a knock to his ankle, which has swollen painfully- he's defintley a doubt for our next tie."/i]

(OOC: Why am I not suprised by where this is going.....:S)

Total n Utter Insanity

14-09-2003, 12:47

Brittania was suffering despite Zurich & Winter's formidable presence, especially Zurich with his Zimmer frame.

Busby

14-09-2003, 13:02

Got a telegram from Lemmitania saying the score.

I quote

Oglethorpia 0 Busby 2

Total n Utter Insanity

14-09-2003, 13:05

Got a telegram from Lemmitania saying the score.

I quote

Oglethorpia 0 Busby 2

Nice RP there.

[code:1:89db574a60]
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Busby 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
ORD 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
TnUI 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Ogle 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
[/code:1:89db574a60]

Kingsford

14-09-2003, 13:10

Kingsford End Winning Streak, Draw

Liverpool England got out first, but Desypar stopped the win with a 90th minute penalty. For those of you keeping track at home, the Kingsford Score Card is below:

Desypar: 12
Strong: 8
Young: 8

Europa Brittania

14-09-2003, 13:46

Brittania was suffering despite Zurich & Winter's formidable presence, especially Zurich with his Zimmer frame.

Blah Blah Blah.

:roll:

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 14:25

*we find ourselves in ben and eileen dover’s hotel suite in commerford, audioslavia. nothing especially fancy, not exactly spacious, but adequate and serviceable. one point of interest are the odd “faux candelabra” on the walls. they seem to resemble microphones more than candle holders. ben dover, the manager of the snub nose 38 hooligans, is sitting in the sitting room with the teams offensive coach, justin case. we hear eileen, the defensive coach, rustling about in the next room. on the air conditioning unit we see a paper sign that says, “out of order.” it is hot, even with the several fans in the suite running. the window is open to allow some of the slightly cooler air in, even though it is raining – a slow, light, tepid, depressing rain. from the street below, we hear (faintly) what sounds like a semi-religious chant.*

“Gil 'as died. Gil is risen. Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque."

- No, it’s true, Justin. It was in this evening’s ”Scuttlebutt”.
- Ron Manager? The Ron Manager we know?
- The manager of the Insanician International Football side.
- He murdered his wife, Ben?
- Who did what with their wife. *eileen pokes her head into the room. she has a shower cap on*
- Ron Manager’s wife, Eileen.
- Ron Manager’s wife’s name is not Eileen.
- No, we know that. Ben means we’re talking about Ron Managers wife, Eileen.
- I just said Ron Manager’s wife’s name is NOT Eileen.
- Eileen, Ron Managers wife…
- I’ve said it twice now, this is the third time – Ron Manager’s wife’s name is not Eileen. My name is Eileen. Her name…oh…
- By George, I think she’s got it.
- What Ben just told me is that he’s killed her.
- He who killed her who?
- Justin and I are trying to tell you that Ron killed his wife.
- Ronnie? He’s not a killer. What are you on about?
- Ben read it in the ”Scuttlebutt” just now.
- See, it’s right here. “Ron Manager, manager of the Total n Utter Insanity International Football side, brutally murders ex-wife.”
- When did they get divorced? I thought they were just separated.
- Hardly matters now. This is a permanent separation if ever there was one.
- Ben, be nice. Don’t speak ill of the dead.
- Speaking of the dead – what about Gil Lemson?
- That was a shock. Justin’s called back to the Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages about some black arm-bands for the guys. What did they say, Justin?
- Well, I talked to someone who would only give her name as “Margaret”. She said the Minister has authorized us to go ahead and get them and use them, for the balance of the Cup.
- Thanks, Justin. Eileen, can you get somebody to take care of that?
- Sure. Poor ol’ Gil. It was great to listen to ‘im. ‘E never made much sense, an’ it was clear ‘e had a rather lose ‘old on reality, but ‘e ‘ad a way with ‘im…
- You’re slipping again, Eileen
- I know, Ben, I know. Whenever I ‘ear ‘im, or think of ‘im, I slips back to me beginnin’s.
- Just get the black arm-bands. You’re gonna scare Justin.
- It does seem odd, thought, doesn’t it? Here’s Gil Lemson just died, and now Ron Manager’s wife’s died, whether he actually did the murder or not. Is this the “Curse o’ the Cup”?
- Well…I don’t think so Justin. Do you, Ben?
- I don’t know. I mean, usually the “Curse o’ the Cup” is when a host nation up and disappears somehow. But, this could be some new twist on an old trick.

*as we use the silence that follows to prepare to leave, we can’t help but hear - *

“Gil 'as died. Gil is risen. Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque."
--------------------------------------------------------
[code:1:b1a317a5a5]
GROUP H P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Dark Outcasts 1 1 0 0 3 0 +3 3
Akbarland 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0
Ravenspire 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0[/code:1:b1a317a5a5]
Match Day 2 Fixtures for Group H will be:
Dark Outcasts vs Akbarland
Ravenspire vs Snub Nose 38
Venue - Peltier Park, Commerford, Audioslavia
-------------------------------------------------------
OOC: Apologies to Tanah Burung for the blatant rip-off of the "Gil Lemson Chant". :wink:

Busby

14-09-2003, 14:30

Got a telegram from Lemmitania saying the score.

I quote

Oglethorpia 0 Busby 2

Nice RP there.

[code:1:36a43eae73]
Name P W D L F A GD Pts
Busby 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
ORD 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
TnUI 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Ogle 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
[/code:1:36a43eae73]

Just wanted to see if the score was correct. I will rp later

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 14:35

Brittania was suffering despite Zurich & Winter's formidable presence, especially Zurich with his Zimmer frame.

Blah Blah Blah.

:roll:
hmmm...well, a "zimmer" is (in german) a room. So...given the name "Zurich", we could postulate some sort of Teutonic background, and thus...a roomy frame? a roomier frame? Possibly some Europa Brittanican slang for a heafty build?

Or...a typo?
:wink:

Europa Brittania

14-09-2003, 14:40

Or Brittanian for "TnUI is going to get bitchslapped...."

:P

He's just jealous becuase I have better curtains than him....

Spaam

14-09-2003, 14:56

Europa Brittania

14-09-2003, 14:59

listen JUNIOR, you need to respect your elders, or their going to kick your ass....

Like I will, once I sort some things out...

like playing well..... :roll: :x

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 15:02

Oh sorry about that old chap! Didn't mean to kick your ass.... I hope that Zimmer chap is ok, didn't tire him out or what? Oh Zurich you say? Terribly sorry about that, my Japanese was never that good.

:P

Ok, and webpage updated ;)
Upon reading the days tabloid accounts of World Cup 7 Matchday One results, the Snub Nose 38 Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages has a sudden suspicion that Europa Brittania has a set of identical twins with remarkable football talent, called "Zurich" and "Zimmer", and is using them interchangeably. The Minister makes a note to have Margaret request the Minister of Super Secret Sleuthery have this investigated.
:roll:

Spaam

14-09-2003, 15:10

listen JUNIOR, you need to respect your elders, or their going to kick your ass....

Like I will, once I sort some things out...

like playing well..... :roll: :x

Hehehe :D

Well, as I warned all of you before, I unbeaten EVER in the Main Round of the World Cup :P So I'm afraid, well, I'm not afraid ;)

Qualifiers, well, I always have a terrible time in them, having only a 9-5-7 record. But Main Round, I'm up to 6-4-0 ;) Of course, then there's the World Cup proper.... 4-0-3. Well, I can only improve :D And yes, thats a 19-9-10 record. 50% wins WOOHOO!

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 15:26

listen JUNIOR, you need to respect your elders, or their going to kick your ass....
Like I will, once I sort some things out...
like playing well..... :roll: :x
Hehehe :D
Well, as I warned all of you before, I unbeaten EVER in the Main Round of the World Cup :P So I'm afraid, well, I'm not afraid ;)
Qualifiers, well, I always have a terrible time in them, having only a 9-5-7 record. But Main Round, I'm up to 6-4-0 ;) Of course, then there's the World Cup proper.... 4-0-3. Well, I can only improve :D And yes, thats a 19-9-10 record. 50% wins WOOHOO!

Watch out for Arridia. They've got a powerful offense. :shock:
And...Nonexistentcitygrad just blew through qualifiers as a first timer. :D

Spaam

14-09-2003, 15:28

True, but their defense sucks way more than mine, and chances are, I won't lose :P Hehe.... saying that, I'll just prepare for a 7-0 losee :twisted:

And I've got great plans for Nonexistantcitygrad :) Such am mad name :D

Lemmitania

14-09-2003, 15:41

Match day 1 full results have been posted.

Spaam

14-09-2003, 15:48

Results on the website:
http://nswcc.tripod.com/results.html

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 15:51

*the minister of super secret sleuthery slips silently through the night. at the request of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages he is in soundgrad, audioslavia to investigate the possibility that europa brittania is using a set of talented twins as one player in world cup 7. *

*ah, the national stadium of audioslavia. the minister, now standing almost invisibly in the shadows, looks left and right. he sees no one. earlier tonight he timed the security guards rounds. 10 minutes between one guard and the next passing this side gate. that would be enough. yes, here comes the security guard. the minister waits patiently as the guard slowly walks by, and on around the stadium. then the minister silently slides to the gate, jimmies it open, and slips in. he sets the gate back in place, and re-locks it, pocketing his lock-pick.*

*inside, he quickly makes his way to the locker room assigned to europa brittania. again opening the lock proves a simple task. of course, no one really expected anyone to break in. the lock was more a formality than anything else.*

*once in the locker room, almost magically a torch materializes in his hand. oddly the thought crosses his mind that there are some who call this implement a 'flashlight'. this one has a deep red lense afixed to it, so that it casts a rather dim light. he shines it about the room, from locker to locker, looking at the temporary name-plates. the motion of the dim beam (no, not jim beam) stops on one name-plate. it reads "zurich-zimmer". a tiny camera materializes in his hands. he takes two quick shots of the name-plate. then the camera disappears, followed by the torch. he has memorized the direction and number of steps back to the door, as a blind man might. turn-about, two steps. left turn and one step to avoid the bench. right turn and five steps. now at the end of the row, rght turn and fifteen steps. he reaches his hand out - and there's the doorknob.*

*out the door, back to the side gate. must wait perfectly silent and still in the shadow for security to come by. a few minutes pass, and then the security guard passes. the lock-pick suddenly in his hand easily re-opens the lock. he slips out, slides the gate shut, sets the lock, and steps silently into the shadows again.*

*the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages will have the pictures within several hours. do they mean that europa brittania is using a set of twins? or, do they mean that locker is zurichs' "room"? this may take a little more investigation than the minister of super secret sleuthery at first thought.*

Total n Utter Insanity

14-09-2003, 15:56

I believe the American version is called a "walker"

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 15:59

I believe the American version is called a "walker"
The American version of what is called a "walker", the american asked?

(edit - as i've been trying to appear non-american in these rps, i guess it's almost a compliment to have my americanism 'corrected') :wink:

(a "walker" is a little cage-like thing, about three feet tall, with handles, and sometimes wheels, that us old folk use to get around with if we've got past using a simple cane, and aren't yet ready for the wheel-chair) :wink:

Spaam

14-09-2003, 16:00

Oh, and table is up as well.

http://nswcc.tripod.com/wc7table.html

Europa Brittania

14-09-2003, 16:06

I almost find this nasty.....

:x

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 16:07

Oh, and table is up as well.

http://nswcc.tripod.com/wc7table.html
Gotta say - these tables, and the website - EXCELLENT !!

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 16:09

I almost find this nasty.....

:x
You're supposed to. 8)

(ooc: it's just something for me to do this morning. not to worry - remember, the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages is a dolt.)

East Spaam

14-09-2003, 16:09

I almost find this nasty.....

:x

Be glad you made it past qualifying :P

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 16:12

I almost find this nasty.....

:x

Be glad you made it past qualifying :P
East Spaam? Wasn't one Spaam enought? :shock:

East Spaam

14-09-2003, 16:14

Not nearly :P

Spaam is a big nation. So I destroyed a little nation to make room :twisted:

One Red Dot

14-09-2003, 17:32

--post deleted--

One Red Dot

14-09-2003, 17:32

Not nearly :P

Spaam is a big nation. So I destroyed a little nation to make room :twisted:

So what's next? West Spaam? :lol:

Snub Nose 38

14-09-2003, 17:44

Not nearly :P
Spaam is a big nation. So I destroyed a little nation to make room :twisted:
So what's next? West Spaam? :lol:
Fried Spaam? 8)

Spaam

14-09-2003, 17:50

Spaam Continues Unbeaten Run

Spaam yesterday continued its unbeaten run in the Main Round of a World Cup with 3-1 win over Europa Britannia. A confident team emerged, with Coach Yatan opting for a 4-4-2 approach, and were on the attack from the start. Dorth paired with Sëhelin to score a classic goal after 15 minutes, the pair proving their continuing mastery of attacking football. Star Brittanian striker Zurich put some pressure on the defense, but Spaam managed to force most of the Brittanians into their own half. Brittania scored however, just before half time, with one of the best goals of the Cup, with Zurich beautifully beating keeper Súrion.
After half time, Britannia moved into a defensive position, and Yatan replied by changing to an attacking 5-3-2 lineup. Spaam effectively kept the ball in the opposing half, however, the Britannian defense held, and frustrated the team, earning Dorth, Sëhelin, and Teinwë all yellow cards. However, the persistance paid off when Dorth fooled the Brittanian keeper, letting Sëhelin easily get the ball into the net.
After that, the game was Spaam's, with Teinwë scoring Spaam's third just before full time. Assistant Coach Hoopai said "I'm pleased with this effort, and this almost guarantees us a place in the second round, but we have to make sure that we keep our unbeaten run, to give us our best chance."
In other news, Coach Yatan was fined 5000 audis and banned from the sideline for Spaam's next match for slagging, allegedly calling out "Hey Zurich, where's your Zimmer?!"

Tanah Burung

14-09-2003, 17:51

From a speech by Mau Kiri Rai, people's representative for territorial defence & sports:

"On the field of Lemmitania National, our Crocodiles won glory. They stopped the Juggernaut of Quohog dead in its tracks. And they banished the Lemmington Jinx.

"Yes, friends, the Crocodiles held the top seed to a 1-1 draw, a team that won every game in qualifying. No one gave us a chance. Yet we held them to a single point. No more is Lemmington the scene of national failure: now it is the the stage of glorious triumph.

"Our prayers were answered. Our retooling to bring the younth once again into the national team has been vindicated in the goal by Yosepha Syahrir, the 18-year old girl from the deep forests. And as Runaway Moose squandered its chance to take the lead against Pure Evil and only managed a 1-1 draw, all four teams are are tied with a point apiece. It is as if the first day never happened. Now we face teams we can defeat! Born in fire, our team has walked through flame to a position of equality with the mightiest of all footballing forces. We shall surely emerge from these fires cleansed and march to a brighter tomorrow. La'o hamutuk, mau bere! Walk together!"

[code:1:74efb84524]
W D L F A Pts
Tanah Burung 0 1 0 1 1 1
Quohog 0 1 0 1 1 1
Runaway Moose 0 1 0 1 1 1
Pure Evil 0 1 0 1 1 1
[/code:1:74efb84524]

Oglethorpia

14-09-2003, 18:26

Mike White: Well, we're about to get this match started as the Oglethorpian team and Busby's take the field. We're about to get this match started.

OOC: I'll post the rest of this match later, when I figure out what's going to happen.

MATCH WRAPUP!

Rafael Hernandez gave up two goals in the 56th and 72nd, leaving Oglethorpia 2-nil against the 39th ranked team from Busby.

The Belmore Family

14-09-2003, 19:45

Belmore beat Lemmy :lol:
Belmore have recorded their first ever world cup main rounds win. It is a great result.

The match was very dull in the first five minutes with neither team wanting to give away the ball. But that was all broken in the 5th minute by Alan Belmore smashing in a header thanks to a brilliant cross from Alex Belmore. Lemmitania attacked straight back scroing only 33 seconds from the restart. Maelstrom ran with the ball from the halfway-line and chipped the ball over the Goal Keeper. The next 20 minutes saw some feroucious football between the 2 sides. Jake Belmore got booked for a ferocius tackle and Clum Lumpster was luckey not to get a booking for his late tackle on Nick Belmore. Belmore fought on though and scored a lucky goal with Alan Belmore again heading the ball towards Lemma Mingstein, who helpfully dropped it into the net. :lol: :lol:

The second half was a firey blaze. The ball was being thrown side to side with Lemmitania getting the all important goal only 6 minutes after half-time. 2-2. Lemmitania showed there class adding to their tall with a sublime goal from the edge of the box by Mellon. 3-2 Lemmy. With 10 minutes left Lemmy decded to give their best players a rest and bring on three new subs. BIG MISTAKE. Belmore almost automaticly scored with a curling free kick from Nick right into the top had corner of the goal. 3-3 game on. The game looked like going for a tie but then, with second left on the clock Laurence was tripped in the box. Everyone looked to the referee, he went to his linesman... and pointed to the spot. It was to be a penelty to Belmore. Alan Belmore was to take it. He had all of The Belmore Family on his side. This was to be his finest moment. He strode up to the ball. Smashed into the bottom left hand corner, the keeper makes a dive, gets a hand to it, and was in!!!! Belmore took the match 4-3.

The Belmore Family 4
Alan (6, 44,pen 94)
Nick (79)

Lemmitania 3
Maelstrom (7)
Mellon (47, 56)

Audioslavia

14-09-2003, 19:50

Not nearly :P
Spaam is a big nation. So I destroyed a little nation to make room :twisted:
So what's next? West Spaam? :lol:
Fried Spaam? 8)

green eggs and spaam :D

Svecia

14-09-2003, 20:17

In Group E, 11th ranked Svecia fell to Giant Zucchini 2-1. Svecia will need to step up their game as they still need to play a surprising Belmore Family team, which upset Lemmitania 4-3, and also play a perennially stong Lemmings squad. Historically, Svecian teams that have made it past the Group stage in one tournament have never progressed out of the group stage in the following tournament. Hopefully this year's team, coming off a second round loss in last years tournament can reach at least the quarterfinals, but they will have to concentrate on the next two group stage games first.

The Belmore Family

14-09-2003, 20:26

Belmore look toward Svecia Match
Alan Belmore the head coach has expressed that he is "confident" that TBF can at least draw against Svecia in the next match.

Dennisov

14-09-2003, 20:40

Halfassedstates 1 Dennisov 2

After an eventful game, the Dennisov campaign started with a win.
After being succesful in the qualification for this year's worldcup, the team extended their unbeaten streak to 11 games.

The first game of this year's world cup was an important one, according to the Dennisov manager. The win however, wasn't attained without a fight.

Just as they had played in their qualification games, the defense was once again the best part of the Dennisov game. Along with the midfielders pressuring the Halfassedstates' build-up, the defenders neutralised the opposing attackers.

A corner in the 39th minutes of play gave Mike Bossy an excellent chance to give Dennisov the lead. His header was out of O'Malley reach, but spat onto the bar and back into play.
Stun hurridly tried to clear the ball, but as he tried to place the ball to a teammate, it ended up in front of Art Ross left foot. He didn't hesitate and forced the ball into the roof of the goal.

The second half saw an unchanged Dennisov team. Trusting that Cheevers and the Dennisov defense would be able to stop the Halfassedstates' onslaught.
The two attackers, Wayne Gretzky and Marcel Dionne became isolated up front when the pressure by the Halfassedstates increased as time progressed.

A volley by Sean Murphy only found the post after he managed to get rid of two Dennisov defenders.
The same post came to Cheevers rescue when he was absolutely without a chance when Ree King took a freekick.

With the Halfassedstates making the Dennisov half their own little playground, they left more and more space behind their lines.
After yet another Halfassedstates attack, Cheevers kicked the ball quickly up front. Mike Bossy collected the ball, passed the only defender Al Robertson. With only O'Malley between him and the second Dennisov goal he rushed towards the Halfassedstates' goal.
He skilfully passed the keeper and placed the ball into the waiting goal.

Halfassedstates now only had 14 minutes left to get at least a draw from this game.

With this in mind Sir James Munro decided to put in some extra offensive punch.
Freddy Crewgar had not been on the pitch for 30 seconds when he had pulled one back for his team.
A well placed free kick by captain Ree King found the young striker's head.
Cheevers rushed of his line, but could not pretend the skilfull striker to hammer the ball into the back of the net.

The last minutes of the game was a true Halfassedstates' show, with Dennisov barely hanging on to their slim lead. Defenders Chris Morris and Bryan McCabe were cautioned when they went a little too far trying to stop the seemingly endless attacks by the Halfassedstates' forwards.

The last whistle didn't come a moment too soon as it seemed more and more likely that this game would end a draw.

14-09-2003, 21:34

When is the nest world cup

Lemmitania

14-09-2003, 22:22

Lemmitanian pop star Lemmy Lemster's latest single, Gil, is now available at http://homepages.nyu.edu/~pcj1/gil.mp3 . Note that Lemmitanian mp3-encoding technology involves banging rocks against the tape and hoping it comes out digital. So the sound quality is nothing to write home about. <OOC>Have I mentioned that I have an old, slow computer?</OOC>

The lyrics:

He spread love throughout the land
Like some Johnny Appleseed
With his merry Men at hand
He took on the bad Shemp's greed
He was Dean
They called him Dean

Gil is dead
Gil Will rise
Gil will collect
His endorsement cheque
Gil was here
Now he's gone
Unless it's a scam,
In which case he lives on

He was a lover
He was a fighter
Kick Shemp's ass, now
Eviscerate the blighter!

Gil was many things but he ain't
Ever gonne be called a savior or a saint
Unless of course he rises from the dead
And the people of the land all lose their heads
He was Dean
They called him Dean

Gil is dead
Gil Will rise
Gil will collect
His endorsement cheque
Gil was here
Now he's gone
Unless it's a scam,
In which case he lives on

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 01:49

Lemmitanian pop star Lemmy Lemster's latest single, Gil
I am on the floor. Amazin', simply amazin'. :wink:
(only, sadly, the link doesn't work well - at least, not for me)

Total n Utter Insanity

15-09-2003, 02:05

It worked for me. X_X

Oglethorpia

15-09-2003, 02:21

That'd be pretty awesome of Lemm sang that.

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 02:34

Just finished listening to "Gil", by Lemmy Lemster. I am in awe. :shock:

Ariddia

15-09-2003, 10:15

Bill (commentator): "And it's with high hopes and the cheers of their fans that the Ariddian team, the Red and Blacks, enter the final stages of this competition. For those of you who aren't Ariddians, everything in Ariddia basically is called the Reds and Blacks. The police, the army, sport groups, workers' unions... Am I forgetting anything, Guy?"

Guy (commentator): "Umm, that pop group?"

Bill: "Right. We have a singular lack of imagination. Anyway, it all starts today with a match against Nonexistentcitygrad. And this is one tough group they've landed us in..."

Guy: "You can say that again. I'll bet there are a few surprises in store... Still, so far Ariddia has lost none of its ten matches, and has won nine, making it the third best team in the world after the qualifying stages..."

Bill: "So now's definitely not a time to start losing! Let's look at the team lineup..."

GK: David al-Jibai (11)
DEF: Jean Cerf (4), Zach Treadwell (5), Yves Sylvain (9), Wn Wahd (20)
MID: Ranjit Khan (7, capt), Raph Khaled (22), Samuel Pasteur (8 ), Luc N’tula (12)
ATT: Raphael Ford (2), Myrtille Ford (6)

Bill: "And here we go! Nonexistencitygrad start, and... And we have action right from the start as Khaled intercepts the first pass for Ariddia! Khaled, who is playing his last World Cup, and who of course just had to be here in Ariddia's first game..."

Guy: "Khaled to N'tula, N'tula to Pasteur, Pasteur evades defence, nice playing, Pasteur to Ford 2..."

Bill: "He shoots! It's a save. And this is exactly what the supporters wanted, explosive forward action from the earliest stages of the game... By the way, 'Ford 2' is Rahael Ford, and 'Ford 6' is Myrtille. To avoid confusion."

Guy: "Counter offence by Nongrad. Treadwell intercepts and... it's out. Nongrad to bring it back in, keep going up the pitch... Sylvain halts the danger, gets it, passes back down to Khan..."

17th minute:
Guy: "Khan to Pasteur, and he's hemmed in on all sides... He keeps ahead of defence, but has no maneouvering room to pass... He has to... That'll be a corner."

Bill: "Played by Pasteur. Khan has it! That's off the chest of a defender, who controls and clears it... No, Ford 2 has it, a powerful kick... It's in! Ariddia opens the score!"

20th minute:
Guy: "And a fast-paced attack by Nongrad. They've fooled Cerf here. Evading Wahd... He tries a kick! And al-Jibai saves it."

26th minute:
Guy: "Ariddia keeping the ball on the move... Ford 6 comes up against defence here, no way through. Passes back to N'tula. He faces two defenders, keeps control of the ball, paces to Ford 6... There's an opening here... No, she sees Pasteur, with a beautiful angle, passess... He shoots, it's right in! 2-0 for Ariddia!"

Final score:
Ariddia 4 - Nonexistentcitygrad 0
R. Ford (18th), Pasteur (26th), Pasteur (58th), M. Ford (72nd)

Giant Zucchini

15-09-2003, 10:37

You are watching:
World Cup 7: Group E:
Svecia vs Giant Zucchini - Match Summary

Scoring chances came in bundles Saturday evening in Park Lane, Holloden, Audioslavia as Svecia and Giant Zucchini played in their opening match of the FIFA World Cup Lemmitania/Audioslavia™. Urk found the net late in each half to lead the Zucchinis to an emotional victory.

The game began with end-to-end action, and no one was surprised when Urk and Svecia scored on either side of half-time. Urk completed his double in the closing minutes, placing Giant Zucchini atop Group E along side The Belmore Family. Lemmitania and Svecia are now facing long-odds as they share the bottom of the table with no points.

Neither side seemed to be showing any nerves as they both got off to bright starts. Svecia had half chances within the first five minutes, and just after, Phoot’s left-footer gave Giant Zucchini hope on their end.

Again good chances were exchanged when Svecia’s star player curled a patented left-footed free kick just around the right post (9’), while Poom had the best chance of the half at the other end. But, the unmarked Marauding man watched his diving header bounce on the pitch and up off the top of the crossbar (12’).

After the early flurry, the match settled down, though both teams continued to be attack-minded and skilful when moving forward on the break. Generally, Svecia preferred to work quickly through the middle, while Giant Zucchini exploited space on the wings to send in some dangerous crosses.

The half continued slowly until near the whistle. Svecia looped a lovely ball to a striker whose header was cut out (40’), and Phoot’s shot was cleared as well (41’). Giant Zucchini followed up with more pressure and were rewarded when Kerrnigit set up Urk, who made no mistake with his shot from 10 yards out (0:1, 45’).

The second half started with an immediate response from Svecia, as their defender curled a stunning left-foot volley into the top corner of the Zucchinis’ net (1:1, 47’). From a Svecia corner, the ball was only partially cleared and it eventually fell to the defender 20 metres out.

The sides remained relatively even, though the quickness of Svecia caused occasional problems for the Zucchinis’ defence. Svecia’s star player’s running blast from 30 metres was caught well by a diving Oog (64’).

However, Kerrnigit and substitute Ppakkaddumm were doing well on each flank for Giant Zucchini. In the 80th minute, Ppakkaddumm beat a couple of players in the Svecian box, but the Svecian defence, led by their captain, scrapped their way through.

That is until Urk’s perfectly placed header hit off the underside of the crossbar and into the Svecian net (1:2, ’83). Yet another cross from the left by Ppakkaddumm set the unmarked player up, and Svecian goalkeeper was left flat-footed by the superb placement of the ball.

The Zucchinis ran out the final ten minutes of the match knowing that they had launched their World Cup adventure in the best way possible.

Final score:

Svecia - 1

Giant Zucchini - 2
Urk (45, 83)

Man of the Match - Urk

15-09-2003, 11:18

News item from the Fanny Moo Examiner On-line.

http://reachcanada.com/Uploads/MastHeadWebsite/MastHeadWebSite.4.gif

DEAN OF LEMMITANIAN SPORTS VANISHES

1.5 billion Errinundrians are today mourning the passing of one of the world's most loved characters, deanosportem. Ever since Errinundera jumped on the World Cup bandwagon in WC5, the Lemmitanian Sports Network broadcasts have become compulsory listening throughout the nation.

Errinundera's Protector of Sport, filthyl, was devastated by the news. "Our plan was that, if we won the right to host WC8, deanosportem would have been the official commentator. Now we don't know what to do. We don't have a fallback plan. He was magnificent. The World Cup just won't be the same without him."

Fanny Moo's own World Cup Squad member, pomaderrisa, has astounded everyone by vowing to give up sex for the rest of the tournament as a mark of respect. "The whole team used to get together and listen to all his football broadcasts. If the broadcasts were during our own matches or in the middle of the night we used to record them and listen later. The World Cup just won't be same without him."

http://www.rediff.com/sports/football/2002/jun/14kor.jpg
pomaderrisa is consoled by Errinundera's Protector of Sport, filthyl, during the break in play.

Local possum-hollow inspector, crankee, has benefitted from the research done thanks to deanosportem's International Knee Joint Breakdown Fund. "I have so much to thank. My left knee-joint was replaced with an artificial joint designed using funds from the grant. I'm lucky to still have my knee. For sure, I can't bend the knee any more and my left foot had to be amputated because of gangrene from lack of blood circulation. The IKJBF has told me that the complications were caused by potoroo infection. F*ck*ng little b*st*rds! But, hey, without the operation where would I be? The World Cup just won't be the same without him."

REFUGEES START OWN MICROFIBRE BUSINESS

Following the movement of Ploser Ltd offshore, unemployed refugees in Fanny Moo have teamed up with union leader, sharonb, and former Ploser Ltd general manager, cabenap, to start Vegan Wares Ltd. The new company will manufacture shoes, footballs, belts, wallets, boots and sex paraphenalia from microfibre that has been stringently test. The company will limit its operations to Errinundera with the exception that it will outfit visiting sides in future World Cups. General manager, cabenap, has been absolved by magistrate kollontai. "It's been such a relief to be exonerated. I had no idea that ploser and Mar Baxxy had pulled such a cunning stunt."

Refugee representatives, idiaminoacid and osamabinlaidatlast, said that the new set up was an eye-opener. "Frankly," said the former, "the treatment we received in the old factory gave me nightmares. I've been having trauma therapy ever since. This country is so generous to give us such comprehensive health care."

LONGFOOTS LOSE HEART FOR DRAW

In deanosportem's hometown, Lemco City, the announcement of the passing of this much-loved broadcaster was made over the public address system early in the national side's first round game against Bedistan.

Star striker, antarcticad, heard the announcement as he was running in to take a penalty kick. "I pulled out of the kick. I couldn't see the goal any more. The stadium went deathly quite for several minutes. The referee sank to his knees, crying. All around people were holding each other in their grief. Some supporters ran on the field and began beating their heads on the pitch or tearing their hair out. The referee wanted to stop the game but was told by an official that the game had to go on. Fights broke out between several officials. The referee even yellow carded one of the linesmen. Eventually the match re-started. You know, I had lost all heart by that stage. That penalty shot on goal was one of the most feeble efforts I've ever made. The goalie seemed every bit as stricken. He couldn't move and the ball just bounced of his shins. I'm going to miss that old goat. The World Cup just won't be the same without him."

http://www.rediff.com/sports/football/2002/jun/18turk.jpg
regnanse encourages antarcticad as play is about to resume; the referee doesn't seem quite ready yet

For the rest of the match the players of both sides passed the ball around in a lacklustre and desultory fashion. The final score of 0-0 aptly represented the emptiness felt by all. The convenor of the EFA, mountd, said that no votes would be awarded for the leighm medal for the best Errinundrian player in qualifying and World Cup matches. "It is partly out of respect for deanosportem, his family and friends and partly because none of the players warranted it. What a shock this has been for everyone. We never missed one of his broadcasts. Some EFA officials preferred to listen to him than watch their own Longfoots play. The World Cup just won't be the same without him."

Lemmitania

15-09-2003, 16:11

<OOC>Due to work-related events, I will not be able to TG match day 2 scores until the one o'clock hour (NA EST). Try to be patient.</OOC>

Audioslavia

15-09-2003, 16:59

<OOC>Due to work-related events, I will not be able to TG match day 2 scores until the one o'clock hour (NA EST). Try to be patient.</OOC>

i'd offer to help, but i have to go to work in an hour :)

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 17:01

Lemmitania

15-09-2003, 18:15

<OOC>Due to work-related events, I will not be able to TG match day 2 scores until the one o'clock hour (NA EST). Try to be patient.</OOC>
Work can be so annoying that way. It is such an inconvenience sometimes, that if I weren't just so used to living indoors and eating food from time to time...

Actually, I am a squirrel and my job is to collect nuts. Didn't you know that about me? I live outdoors, in the branch of a tree, and I pay no rent.

But sometimes you've just gotta collect the nuts before winter, and the World Cup has to wait. :)

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 18:18

Lemmitania

15-09-2003, 18:41

*hmmm...he works for nyu, and his job is to collect nuts...i think i better leave that one alone* :wink:

There are no nuts in New York City. Just ignore that man.

Okay, match day 2 results, excepting Lemmitania/Giant Zucchini, have been TGed.

Europa Brittania

15-09-2003, 19:09

Brittania slump to five goal rout.

The Brittanian national team, struggling to put the events back home into perspective, were routed spectacularly by Ariddia.

Only hours before this match, an unprovoked attack apon the 6th Pacifica Fleet by Mishakal forces in international waters left over two thousand Brittanans dead, and a Nation at war.

Coming perilously close to withdrawing from the cup, the Brittanian FA gave reluctant permission to continue competing.

The extent to which the players would be affected knowing their Nation was now at war could not be underestimated, and before the game, Jarvis Smith commented-

"Its extremely hard....being out here whilst back home these events are unfolding, the players, myself and the staff are all in shock...of course we'll continue to try our hardest, but some things need to be prioritised in life, football isn't life and death, whats happening at home is."

The Brittanian team took to the field, each wearing black armbands to remember the two thousand dead.

Brittania were without several key players, including Striker Andrew Zurich, Defender Rusel Cannon & Midfielder Danny McHilton.

Lining up 4-4-2-

----------------------------Reeves(C)---------------------------------

Jones--------------O'hanrahan---------Huntly------------------Stacey

Strazt----------------Junnon---------Lhitomer------------------Simmons

--------------------------Winter-----------Lionel------------------------

Unsuprisingly, the football played by the away team was less than compelling, but no one from Brittania noticed.

This was becuase not a single Brittanian had remained to watch their team, following strong recommendations to return home by the Goverment. Television coverage was also unavalible to those back home, leaving the stadium eerily one sided in terms of support.

Ariddia took the lead, capitalising on a poor clearance from Huntly, pressed into service as an emergency defender, to volley past Reeves.

The lead was doubled only two minutes later, when poor understanding allowed Ariddia possession before either the inexperienced O'Hanrahan or Huntly could clear, beating Reeves easily.

Ariddia made it 3-0 with only twenty minutes played, rising first to nod home from a corner before Reeves could rush from his line to recieve the ball.

Half time saw Winter removed from play, the big Khandrias United Striker had struggled through the game emotionally, and signalled he could not play on. he was replaced by Jonathen Lester, who turned seventeen only two weeks ago.

The subsitution suprised many, but with the circumstances, Jarvis Smith had not made further provisions for the loss of Winters, and was forced to make the change.

Ariddia bumped the score to 4-0, After a fine overhead ball from their defence caught out Huntly once again, and leaving it a simple matter to stroke the ball into the net from only a few yards out.

Ariddia enjoyed the majority of possesion, and were not subject to a single Brittanian attack for nearly an hour.

Brittania won a rare corner, after some determined running from Lionel saw him tear into the box and force the keeper into a terrific save.

Against the run of the entire game, Lester rose up and bulleted a header goalwards. The seventeen year old scoring his first senior goal, though there was little celebration.

Ariddia finished the dismantling of Brittania with a penalty. O'Hanrahan made a half hearted and clumsy slide challenge which brought the Ariddian Striker down in a stonewall penalty.

Reeves vainly dived to his left, but the brilliant spot kick had him well beaten.

Brittania managed a second goal only a minute from time, Oliver Junnon finding himself in space just over the halfway line, unleashed a terrific effort that dipped just under the crossbar. A terrific goal, but celebrated not by anyone wearing Brittanian colours.

The game ended as it had began, with Ariddia taking an easy and well played victoy.

The players remained on the pitch for some time afterwards, even as the stadia emptied. Many cast forlorn glances towards the totally empty stands that should have held thousands of supportive Brittanians.

The players finally made their way to the dressing rooms a full half an hour after play had ended. All declined to interview, including Jarvis Smith.

FINAL SCORE-

Europa Brittania 2 Ariddia 5
lester 72
Junnon 89

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 19:41

*****ASPN WORLD CUP 7 SPECIAL REPORT*****

*the aspn theme, oddly muffled and in a new arrangement that is somehow sad, is heard. we fade in on a 3/4 "bust" style photograph of gil lemson. while gil was 48 on his last birthday, he's about 30 in this photograph. purple and black velvet is neatly draped over the frame. the aspn theme fades to silence, and after a short pause we hear -*

The death of much beloved Gil Lemson has cast a pall on the festivities normally associated with the World Cup Tournament. While the tournament goes on, the conga drums are silent. The samba isn't danced. Beer consumption is down by half. This last, given Gil's own well known fondness for a good brew, is a little mystifying.

And play on the pitch seems somehow dampened. Many of the matches played on match day one after the announcement of Gil's death resulted in 0-0 or 1-1 draws. In today's Group H match between Snub Nose 38 and Ravenspire play seemed uninspired.

- I tell you, he's not dead, Margaret.
- Are you still on that?
- It's all an elaborate con, a sham. He'll pop up soon, rich as Croesus - you mark my words.

*margaret is at the marble and silver altar in the offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages performing her daily sacrificial supplication of the random number gods. she's using a frozen chicken - we see the name "perdue" on the tag. the minister himself is reclining in a hammock strung between two marble columns. he's watching the aspn special report on his wide-screen tv, and consuming a cold "38 special". one of the butlers, with an expression of extreme distaste, is standing next to the hammock and gently fanning the minister with a couple of huge palm leaves. the other is kneeling on the floor wiping up the beer the minister spilled when consuming his previous "38 special". the aspn report continues.*

The first half of the match was played well, but somewhat unenthusiastically by both sides. There were no cards given, and each side managed only one serious chance at goal - both of which were prevented by good goal keeping.

*a ravenspire player crosses the ball in front of the hooligan goal, where a team mate heads it down toward the net. the hooligan keeper falls on the ball, smothering it. cut to a hooligan corner kick nicely executed. a hooligan player in the box takes a nice shot from about 11 yards out. the ravenspire keeper snatches the ball out of the air, and makes a clearing kick.*

At the half the score was 0 - 0. And on came the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan Cheerleaders.

- Margaret, didn't Audioslavia deport those imbeciles?
- No, they didn't. Out of courtesy, they just gave them a warning and issued them retro-active entry visas.
- Retro-active entry visas?
- Don't ask me. Ask the Audioslavian Customs and Immigration folks.

*the hooligan cheerleaders jog onto the pitch. they form up. they look at each other. they start to cry. a few moments pass as the cheerleaders gain control of themselves. then, in snuffly voices -*

"Gil 'as died
Gil is risen
Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque."

*the cheerleaders break into the new pop-hit "gil" by lemmy lemster. after the first couple of lines, the fans join in. by the time they reach the end, the decible level in the stadium is off the meter. as they finish, several young children come out and throw a few ceremonial vegetables at the cheerleaders. the cheerleaders, crying again, bend down and hug the children.*

- How bloody maudlin. When these people find out he's pulled one over on them, he'd better be somewhere where they can't reach him.
- How can you be so sure? Glick Masterson is an eye witness.
- Eye witless, ya mean. He's just a kid, and he was incredibly impressed by Lemson.
- Well...

*the announcer, again -*

The second half had a little more pep to it. Ravenspire came out strongly on the offensive. They managed five good chances, all very challenging but the Snub Nose 38 Hooligan defense held. Then, in the 66th minute a Ravenspire attack was once again defensed.

*a ravenspire player's shot is caught by the hooligan keeper, who hurriedly boots it down field. it is gathered in by a hooligan striker, who now has only one defender to get past. as the hooligan drives towards goal, the ravenspire defender slips on the pitch! the hooligan drives in to goal, and feints left. the keeper is coming out, and tries desperately to get to the ball. the hooligan moves right, shots, and scores.*

The remaining 24 minutes were entertaining football, but at the end of the match the score stood RAVENSPIRE 0 - SNUB NOSE 38 HOOLIGANS 1

- We won again, Margaret.
- I'm telling you, these real chickens make the difference.

*****THIS HAS BEEN AN ASPN WORLD CUP 7 SPECIAL REPORT*****

[code:1:3a3083c325]
GROUP H P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 2 2 0 0 4 0 +4 6
Dark Outcasts 2 1 0 1 5 4 +1 3
Akbarland 2 1 0 1 4 5 -1 3
Ravenspire 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0[/code:1:3a3083c325]

Match Day 3 Fixtures for Group H will be:
Dark Outcasts vs Snub Nose 38
Ravenspire vs Akbarland
Venue - Peltier Park, Commerford, Audioslavia

Kingsford

15-09-2003, 19:44

Kingsford put up poor performance due to all the starters going on a killing spree in Lemmitania.

The Belmore Family

15-09-2003, 19:45

Svecia will do the RP, but incase Lemmy or GZ want to know for tables sake. I lost 3-0.

Dark Outcasts

15-09-2003, 20:08

Snub Nose just to let you know, i'm sure your pleased, we lost 2-4....the shame

Total n Utter Insanity

15-09-2003, 20:21

Svecia will do the RP, but incase Lemmy or GZ want to know for tables sake. I lost 3-0.

Didn't Lemmy send you the result? Is GZ doing tables?

The Belmore Family

15-09-2003, 20:28

Svecia will do the RP, but incase Lemmy or GZ want to know for tables sake. I lost 3-0.

Didn't Lemmy send you the result? Is GZ doing tables?O yeah, good point about lemmy but in the case of GZ if he want to do an RP and do the current table at the bottom there is my result.

Lemmitania

15-09-2003, 20:29

Kingsford put up poor performance due to all the starters going on a killing spree in Lemmitania.

wtf?

Kingsford

15-09-2003, 20:31

Kingsford put up poor performance due to all the starters going on a killing spree in Lemmitania.

wtf?

:D

Bedistan

15-09-2003, 20:33

Two articles from the sports section of the Columbia Times:

Absence of Three Leads Lions to Loss

LEMCO CITY, LEMMITANIA -- The mood at Lemco City Municipal Stadium today was just slightly less sad than yesterday, and the Bedistan Lions were able to play a respectable game of football today. The opponent: Lunatic Goofballs.

A few Bedistani players had to sit today's match out, apparently still distraught over the loss of Gil Lemson. "How can my mind be on football at a time like this?" asked irritated starting goalkeeper Olivia Bream before the match. Bream remained on the bench for the Goofball match, as did midfielder Lisa Young and defender Laura Johnson. They were replaced in their positions by Chuck Mitchell, Sally Myers, and Diego Sanchez, respectively. Myers and Sanchez were playing their first international games.

The entire match boiled down to defense, with both goalkeepers playing spectacularly. However, Mitchell weakened before his opponent, and the Goofballs successfully scored in the 68th. There would be no retaliation.

Final score:
Bedistan 0
Lunatic Goofballs 1 [68]

Lions Are Longshots in Group C

AMISSVILLE, LM -- After the 1-0 loss to the Lunatic Goofballs today, the BFA's statistics division put their heads together and made a few predictions about the outcome of World Cup Seven's Group C. They have set the official odds at Bedistani gambling centers thusly:

Simple Match Results

Matchday 2: Errinundera vs. Haraki
Errinundera win: 2-1
Draw: 6-1
Haraki win: 5-2

Matchday 3: Bedistan vs. Haraki
Bedistan win: 5-2
Draw: 4-1
Haraki win: 3-1

Matchday 3: Errinundera vs. Lunatic Goofballs
Errinundera win: 3-1
Draw: 5-1
Lunatic Goofballs win: 5-2

Detailed Match Results

Matchday 2: Errinundera vs. Haraki
ERR by 4: 20-1
ERR by 3: 12-1
ERR by 2: 6-1
ERR by 1: 6-1
Draw: 6-1
HAR by 1: 5-1
HAR by 2: 20-1
HAR by 3: 30-1
HAR by 4 : 50-1

Matchday 3: Bedistan vs. Haraki
BED by 5: 50-1
BED by 4: 25-1
BED by 3: 12-1
BED by 2: 8-1
BED by 1: 6-1
Draw: 4-1
HAR by 1: 6-1
HAR by 2: 8-1
HAR by 3: 25-1
HAR by 4: 50-1

Matchday 3: Errinundera vs. Lunatic Goofballs
ERR by 5: 50-1
ERR by 4: 50-1
ERR by 3: 25-1
ERR by 2: 12-1
ERR by 1: 5-1
Draw: 5-1
LGO by 1: 6-1
LGO by 2: 7-1
LGO by 3: 12-1
LGO by 4: 25-1

Chances of Progressing to the Second Round
Haraki: 3-2
Lunatic Goofballs: 2-1
Errinundera: 2-1
Bedistan: 8-1

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 20:34

Snub Nose just to let you know, i'm sure your pleased, we lost 2-4....the shame

The Minister of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages prepares a statement for the press. It reads -

DARK OUTCASTS LOSE!! CHUCKLE, CHUCKLE, CHUCKLE!
Unless Dark Outcasts win their match against Snub Nose 38 by at least 2 goals, and Akbarland win their match against Ravenspire by at least 4 goals, the Snub Nose 38 Hooligans are through to the second round.
:wink:

Busby

15-09-2003, 20:42

Welcome to BWCC.

Hanson: Hello and welcome back. We have followed the process of Busby thoughout this world cup. How do you think they have been doing?

Clark: Well personally i think they have been playing very well, they did well to qualify and that unexpected win against Oglethorpia raised everyones spirits. They played extemely well, against them and played well against TnUI but TnUI held Busby back for the win, but they never gave up.

Hanson: Thats true, do you think that they could go all the way?

Clark: Well if they continue to work hard then maybe but it will b an up hill struggle, they are in a good group and they must really push hard.

Hanson: ok thanks more again soon.

(OOC: Sorry so short do more later.)

Kingsford

15-09-2003, 20:49

OOC: I'm less angry now, I'll do a somewhat normal review.

Kingsford lose 4-0 against Malundar
Desypar out with strained leg, will return against Audioslavia

Without star forward Desypar, and keeper Thompson (took leave for death in family), The Kingsford National took it's first loss in World Cup 7. Despite what was reported earlier, the starters did NOT go on a Lemmitanian killing spree.

Tanah Burung

15-09-2003, 21:08

The Crocodiles played their match against Runaway Moose in knee-splints as a sign of respect for the late Gil Lemson. And yet players kept thinking they had seen him, out of the corner of their eye. Somewhere in the crowd, inventing rules for the game, or picking someone's pocket. Over there. Look. It's Gil. Goal keeper Simon da Gama has already been inducted as an acolyte in the 24-Hour Church of Gil. It was during one of the 24 solemn chantings of the Holy Mystery of faith (Gil 'as died - Gil is risen - Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque) that da Gama allowed the only goal fo the match, a dribbler by the Runaway Moose forward that escaped his attention.

Coach Guntur Ruak was incensed after the match. "Sonehow," he scowled, "this is the fault of those damn Hooligans." Tanah Burung now faces Pure Evil in a match it must win to have any chance of advancing.

Final result: Runaway Moose 1 Tanah Burung 0

15-09-2003, 21:11

Akbarland have just acheived their first ever world cup victory, a convincing 4-2 victory over Dark Outcasts. Altough traditional defensive frailties reared their ugly head again the attack was on song. Man of the match Samin Akbar scored a brilliant hat trick and Hamid Kabir added a late one to make it safe after Dark Outcasts were threatnig to equalise. This win means that Akbarland have a real chance of going into the second round for the first time ever.

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 21:21

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 21:31

Ravenspire

15-09-2003, 21:47

Ravenspire Likely Out of Cup

Following the call-up of several players, including striker Kaede Kitsuki and goalkeeper Autumn Mistmarch, to active military duty in response to the Mishkalian threat, the Ravens' squad, which had just enough substitute players to remain in competition, lost two games in succession. It seems that this will not, after all, be the year the national team's 'first-round curse' is broken. While not yet mathematically eliminated, Ravenspire's chances are vanishingly slim; moving on to the round of 16 would require a victory over Akbarland by at least six goals and a victory by Snub Nose 38 over Dark Outcasts.

A formal withdrawal was considered, but, as striker Zhen Sui-Ling put it, "The [Europa] Brittanians are still out there. We should be, too." The Ravens have switched to an all-black uniform for the remainder of the Cup as a sign of mourning and a gesture of solidarity with the Brittanians, who lost more than 2,000 men in the unprovoked attack.

Tanah Burung

15-09-2003, 22:21

*we are in one of the back rooms of the penthouse offices of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the black drapes are drawn tightly shut. both doors are closed. a single, large, candle burns steadily in the middle of the room on what appears to be a large golden bird of some kind. kneeling, facing the candle, is the minister. beside him, also kneeling, in her burgundy robes and midnight blue hooded cape, is someone known only as "margaret". they are chanting - *

Eviscerate
Eviscerate
It's not to late
to eviscerate

*margaret has what appears to be a little model blimp in her hands. it has the words 'tanah burung' scrawled on the side. she places this down in a bronze brazier in front of her. the minister takes the candle from it's place, and lights the little blimp. he replaces the candle. they chant -*

Eviscerate
Eviscerate
It's not to late
to eviscerate

Grouphug Agricultural College has begun growing a new vegetable, genetically engineered to go rotten immediately on sight of a Snub Nose 38 citizen, and splatter to the maximum possible extent on impact. The Evisceratomato is available for export to friendly nations.

In other news, the Hooligans are invited to make a return trip to Tanah Burung as soon as this Cup is over, for a "friendly" match. Around harvest time, perhaps.

(Hey, is Runaway Moose somewhere with computer access yet?)

Tanah Burung

15-09-2003, 22:21

Tanah Burung

15-09-2003, 22:22

sorry, double post

Oglethorpia

15-09-2003, 22:43

Loss To One Red Dot Seals Oglethorpian Fate

Oglethorpia faced off today with One Red Dot's World Cup team, and losing 1-0, Oglethorpia bowed out of the World Cup, unless miraculous events take place concerning TnUI against Oglethorpia. Said coach Ray Krusen: "It's really diappointment, we played great up to this point, then lost two critical games, pretty much leaving everything up to luck to determine whether or not we get into the cup. We faced the lowest ranked team, the next to lowest, and lost both. Our game against 7th ranked TnUI probably won't be any better than our last two."

15-09-2003, 22:50

Errinundera 2 Haraki 1

Err goals: joyhilla (49), longipesp (66)
leighm medal: snapier 3, moschatuma 2, longipesp 1

antarcticad was brilliantly held by Haraki and was substituted early in the second half.

First round: 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4

Full report tonight.

Europa Brittania

15-09-2003, 23:18

The Brittanian Football Association formally offers its thanks to the team from Ravenspire in supporting them during the dark days of war.

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 23:21

dup post removed

Audioslavia

15-09-2003, 23:21

Audioslavia in good stead

The 'slaves bounced back from their surprise 4-3 defeat at Malundar to score a hard-earned 3-1 victory over Liverpool England today.

The score somewhat flatters the 'slaves, as LE had the majority of the play in the first half and were unlucky not to come out with something better than the 0-0 half-time scoreline.

A penalty-miss and a goal-line clearance in the first 5 minutes of the second half showed that LE were clearly on top of the match, but their momentum was stopped dead by a spectacular strike from 28 year old Dwight Riot on the hour. Dwight's brother Ivan scored a bullet-header soon after, and Audioslavia seemed to have a lead that they didnt deserve. Although LE pulled a goal back in the 85th minute, the 'slaves sat back and absorbed the pressure with the type of confidence that had been missing in the past 180 minutes of football theyve played.

Right at the death, the 'slaves put the game beyond doubt with a great move between the two Riot brothers. The move can best be explained using the commentators words at the time..

"Dwight Riot, Ivan Riot, Dwight Riot... gooOOAALLlll"

Final score Audioslavia 3, Liverpool England 1.

Snub Nose 38

15-09-2003, 23:21

To: The Esteemed Governments of Europa Brittania and Ravenspire
From: The Snub Nose 38 Minister of Defense
Subject: Request for Details of Recent Military Action

The Borderlands of Snub Nose 38 is saddened to hear of the recent military action involving Europa Brittania and Ravenspire. It appears from initial reports that a nation (that seems to be known as "Mishkalia") executed an unprovoked attack upon Europa Brittania - a naval engagement, from the information we have available to us. We send our condolences on the loss of some 2,000 of your finest citizens.

The Minister of Defense would appreciate it if either Europa Brittania or Ravenspire could provide accounts of the events - the attack itself, and what led to it.

The Borderlands does have a substantial military, and is in the habit of defending it's international friends. We hesitate, however, to offer assistance until we know more about these events, and until we know whether or not assistance would be welcome.

The Minister of Defense
for
The Borderands of Snub Nose 38
-----------------------------
ooc: what thread is all this going on in? i don't want to use the WC threads for this, so if you would like to TG me?

Total n Utter Insanity

15-09-2003, 23:28

Stupid Buzbay, thinking they could stand up to our power and skill <laughter>

Freddie Walters MP (Sports)

Acting Manager Cliff Forburn had this to say:

I think today we showed what we're are all about, you know what I mean?

It was an interesting match in which TnUI showed their superb defensive skills, blocking crosses, excellent saving, the works. On the other end of the pitch Canny did the talking, striking in both halves to leave the score 2-0 at Fulltime.

Bedistan

15-09-2003, 23:35

Updated Group C Odds

After Errinundera's 2-1 victory over Haraki, absolutely anybody in the group could move on. Of particular note is the team from Bedistan, whose odds have greatly improved as a result of the Errinundrian victory:

Haraki: 3-2
Errinundera: 3-2 (was 2-1)
Lunatic Goofballs: 2-1
Bedistan: 3-1 (was 8-1)

Bedistan must defeat Haraki to have a chance to move on, and if they do so, there is actually a pretty decent chance. BFA analysts say the likelihood of a Bedistani victory over Haraki is approximately 40%. If Haraki is defeated by at least two goals (estimated probability: 28%), Bedistan is through no matter what.

Total n Utter Insanity

15-09-2003, 23:48

TnUI learn why Ogle keep losing

It’s all very simple, Ogle are playing veterinarians instead of football players, a very unwise move if you ask me.

Audioslavia

16-09-2003, 03:17

next round:

Winner A vs R-Up C
Winner B vs R-Up D
Winner C vs R-Up A
Winner D vs R-Up B
Winner E vs R-Up G
Winner F vs R-Up H
Winner G vs R-Up E
Winner H vs R-Up F

16-09-2003, 04:18

Such possibilities – I hope this makes sense to people

[code:1:285e709dd6]Errinundera 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
Haraki 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
Lunatic Goofballs 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Bedistan 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1[/code:1:285e709dd6]

3rd game:
Errinundera v Lunatic Goofballs
Bedistan v Haraki

1. If Errinundera defeats Lunatic Goofballs we will finish first in the group and progress to the second round.

2. If Errinundera draws with LG and Bedistan wins or draws against Haraki we will finish first in the group and progress to the second round.

3. If Errinundera draws with LG and Haraki defeats Bedistan we will finish second in the group and progress to the second round.

4. If Errinundera loses to LG and Bedistan defeats Haraki and the total goal difference in the 2 games is exactly 2 (the lowest possible outcome if LG and B both win) and Bedistan scores anything up to 1 goal more than Errinundera then we will hold on to second place and progress to the second round.

5. If Errinundera loses to LG and Bedistan defeats Haraki and the total goal difference in the 2 games is exactly 2 (the lowest possible outcome if LG and B both win) and Bedistan scores exactly 2 goals more than Errinundera then we will be tied with Bedistan for second place in terms of points, goals and goal difference. Some sort of play-off would be necessary.

6. If Errinundera loses to LG and Bedistan defeats Haraki and the total goal difference in the 2 games is exactly 2 (the lowest possible outcome if LG and B both win) and Bedistan scores at least 3 goals more than Errinundera then Bedistan will push us into third place.

7. If Errinundera loses to LG and Bedistan defeats Haraki and the total goal difference in the 2 games is more than 2 then Bedistan will push us into third place.

8. If Errinundera loses to LG and Haraki defeats Bedistan then we will finish in 3rd place.

9. If Errinundera loses to LG and the Bedistan v Haraki game is drawn then we will finish in third place as Haraki's GD will end up at least as good as ours and the total goals will be higher unless...

10. If Errinundera loses to LG and the Bedistan v Haraki game is drawn and Errinundera loses by only one goal and outscores Haraki by 2 then we finish in second place.

11. However, if Errinundera loses to LG and the Bedistan v Haraki game is drawn and Errinundera loses by only one goal and outscores Haraki by 1 then Errinundera and Haraki will be level on points, GD and goals. Like scenario 5 some sort of play-off will be needed.

Lemmitania

16-09-2003, 05:42

Live from Holloden, Audioslavia, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, first-round World Cup action as your Lemmitania Lemmings take on Giant Zucchini in a must-win match. It’s thirty minutes to match time and joining me in the booth is the Voice of the Lemmings, Clem Gilson.

Clem: You’re sounding chipper tonight.

Glick: They say I have a sunny personality.

Clem: I bet they do. You can actually drop that ‘Voice of the Lemmings’ nonsense if you want to.

Glick: But you trademarked it.

Clem: So what? That doesn’t mean I have to use it.

Glick: I thought you liked being the Voice of the Lemmings.

Clem: That was just to keep from being one-upped by Gil.

Glick: Poor Gil. Poor, poor Gil.

Clem: Okay then. You don’t seem terribly broken up about it.

Glick: What do you mean?

Clem: I mean the nation’s in mourning. Several nations are in mourning, if the reports in the foreign press are accurate. But here you are, his self-professed protege, and you seem chipper as can be. What’s up with that?

Glick: You should have seen me at the funeral.

Clem: I did see you at the funeral.

Glick: I was bawling my eyes out.

Clem: True enough.

Glick: I’m in a different place now. I’m sad but I’m in control.

Clem: You know what’s a good way to make yourself cry? Pluck a nose-hair.

Glick: Ugh.

Clem: Yeah, that’s what I say too.

Glick: I was crying for real. I miss Gil.

Clem: Hmm.

Glick: You know, Clem, I hate to say it, but you seem to have some sort of attitude about it.

Clem: What do you mean?

Glick: Like you don’t believe I’m sad. Why wouldn’t I be sad?

Clem: No reason I can see.

Glick: You don‘t look too sad yourself, you know.

Clem: Oh, I’m sad...

Glick: But?

Clem: But nothing.

Glick: You sounded like you ended that with an ellipses. Trailing off, like.

Clem: You’re imagining things.

Glick: I don’t think so.

Clem: Check the transcript. You’ll see, no ellipses.

Glick: You know perfectly well there’s no transcript.

Clem: Hmmph. That always worked with Gil. You sure you’re really his protege?

Glick: Think of me as the improved model. Not so easily fooled.

Clem: He wasn’t easily fooled. He was sly as a fox.

Glick: You take that back!

Clem: Okay, okay. He was easily fooled.

Glick: I meant, take back the part about Gil being sly as a fox.

Clem: Maybe you’re right. Maybe ‘sly’ isn’t the word I want.

Glick: I heard that in Tanah Burung they’ve founded a Gil-inspired church of some sort.

Clem: Yeah, I heard that too. Some yahoos had one too many Burung Bud Brew and badda-bing, badda-bang, next thing you know they’re having visions. To be honest, that happens all the time in TB.

Glick: They’re not yahoos.

Clem: No, and neither were the people who founded Gilmeecia.

Glick: Gilmeecia’s a real country!

Clem: The hell it is. It’s a bunch of ex-pat Lemmitanians crammed into a foul little corner of land none of the other countries in FIFA wanted.

Glick: I’m from Gilmeecia, I’ll remind you!

Clem: I haven’t forgotten. Do you deny that Gilmeecia is tiny, foul wasteland?

Glick: It wasn’t always a foul wasteland. Before President Gilsterson had the forest napalmed, it was quite nice.

Clem: That’s not what I’ve heard. From what I understand, the forest was crawling with rats. It was more of a garbage dump, really. The only reason you could get away with calling it a forest was that some trees were growing around the refuse.

Glick: Well, that’s true.

Clem: Plus Gilmeecians are stupid as hell. Present company excluded.

Glick: I’ll take that as a complement.

Clem: Because you can’t deny its veracity.

Glick: No, I can’t.

Clem: So back to the point I was making: yahoos are always starting things up in Gil’s name. Churches, countries... and I don’t like it.

Glick: Phooey. You’re just jealous.

Clem: I’m more frightened than jealous.

Glick: No, you’re jealous. You want someone to found the nation of Clemeecia.

Clem: Except that no one would do that, because my devoted fans are mostly a level-headed bunch.

Glick: Not to be disrespectful, Clem, but your devoted fans are a bunch of bud-lovers.

Clem: So what? You can’t be a level-headed bud-lover?

Glick: No, I mean, I guess you can.

Clem: Okay then.

Glick: Fine.

Clem: So now that’s settled, are we going to introduce the World Cup Seven Lemmings to everybody?

Glick: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

Clem: Okay. First off, there’s Lana Maelstrom. Returning for her second Cup, and she’s captain this time around. Star midfielder for the Lemco City Lions in the A-league. Now, Lana’s something of a footballing icon in Lemmitania. The first legitimate football superstar.

Glick: Absolutely. Though previous incarnations of the Lemmings produced some popular players-- notably Henny Henneman, Mick Mickelson, and Mikki Miskatone-- none of those were known primarily as footballers. Henneman and Mickelson spent the bulk of their sporting careers on the rugby field, and Miskatone was a basketball player.

Clem: Lana’s twenty-seven, and she’s at the height of her career. She’s one of the biggest names in Lemmitanian sports. She’s outspoken, she’s outré. She’s been captaining the Lions since he team’s inception three years ago, and she seems to be a born leader. In fact, they say it’s thanks to her that Mel Harlem’s on the first team.

Glick: Mel being a teammate with the Lions. Mel’s a solid defender, and probably the best back Lemco City’s got. But overall, most pundits rank her outside the top four in the nation.

Clem: Some people think that Glen Lembobba should be starting, and that Harlem belongs on the bench.

Glick: Mel did get beat a couple times by Alan Belmore in the opening match.

Clem: Yeah, well, she is from Lemco City. You have to think she wasn’t playing her best game. Might have made sense to play Lembobba in her place just that once. But Coach Lemster made the sentimental choice and kept Harlem in for the whole game.
: For better or for worse.

Clem: So it’ll be interesting to see how Harlem handles her second start. Now the rest of the defense, Winston SaLem from the Limmsburgh Longfoots (and I might add, there’s a story behind that nickname), and Lemón Chutney and Mick Nichols from the Lemago Lembeasts, are all absolutely ace players. I mean, the Lembeast defense allowed only six shots on goal a game last season. That’s spectacular.

Glick: SaLem’s speed is amazing. Runs rins around opposing strikers.

Clem: Then in midfield for the Lemmings, we’ve got Maelstrom joined by Bing Brickberry, Lemmy Wilkerson, and Clum Lumpster. Brickberry was the leading scorer for Limmsburgh last season, Wilkerson’s coming off a championship run with the Lemvoola Leemrats, and Lumpster set a record for assists last year. He’s been with the Lemmington Vipers for three seasons, so he was on the championship squad his first year.

Glick: At striker there’s Melville Michaels, whose older sister Vera played on the past two World Cup squads. Melville’s just finished his sophomore season with the Vipers, and he was their scoring leader. And rounding it out is Helen Mellon of the Lemwark Metropolitans, the top scorer in A-league play two seasons running. In fact, she’s the all-time goal leader in the Lemmitanian A-league.

Clem: And Lana Maelstrom trails Mellon by two goals, and Bing Brickberry’s fifth. Melville’s in the top ten scorers all-time despite having a season less experience than the others. And the third and fourth scorers all-time, strikers Luke Lemwalker and Link Lemletter, are sitting on the bench for the Lemmings. But I don’t think you can read much into those stats, considering that the A-league is all of three years old.

Glick: True enough. Now, all you loyal listeners out there just ignore the fact that this team’s already lost a match. That first one didn’t count.

Clem: Yeah, the players were all pretty distracted by the reports of Gil’s death.

Glick: Why do you put “reports” in italics like that?

Clem: I didn’t. I never use italics when I speak.

Glick: You did! Check the transcript if you don’t believe me.

Clem: Hah! There’s no transcript.

Glick: Huh. You didn’t fall for it either. I’m a little surprised.

Clem: Yeah, well, I’ve learned to pay attention to my own words.

Glick: And what’s this about not using italics when you speak?

Clem: Check over all the transcripts. You’ll see.

Glick: I’m not checking anything.

Clem: Then I must be right.

Glick: Anyway, here’s the referee bringing the captains to midfield. Maelstrom faces the venerable striker Urk, who calls it heads. It’s tails, and Maelstrom elects to begin with possession. Urk chooses to defend the left end of the field.

Clem: So we’ll break for some quick but important messages, and return for the kickoff.

Lemmitania

16-09-2003, 05:53

Clem: Maelstrom and Mellon have been handling the Giant Zucchini defense nicely so far. They’ve managed a couple of nice shots, and this is a tough defense to get through. Michaels is having a little more trouble with his man. He’s up there at the top of the box, effectively screened.

Glick: Maelstrom passes to Mellon, and Brickberry’s taking up some slack for Michaels. He gets open and Mellon sends it to him. Quk challenging him, and he passes to Lumpster. Maelstrom’s looking to get free in the center.

Clem: A little shoving going on between Michaels and Thunk. But the ref’s looking the other way.

Glick: Lumpster to Maelstrom now, and she feints left, dribbles right, and she’s open just inside the penalty box! She takes a shot-- Gooooal!

Clem: Nice one. Fooled Oog into going to his left, and she sends a rocket past him on the other side. The Lemmings go up one-nil at the twenty-two minute mark on Maelstrom’s seond goal of the tournament.

Glick: They’re getting set at midfield for the kickoff. Urk sends it to Poom and we’re under way again.

Clem: Maelstrom’s looking very business-like down there. Like she’s put the goal out of her mind and she’s right back to concentrating on the next one.

Glick: Michaels has been having a terrible time with Thunk but aside from that, this storied Giant Zucchini defense isn’t looking so giant.

Clem: They’re good, but they’re beatable. An early goal should be a confidence-builder. Now we need to play some defensive football, not surrender the lead like the last match.

Glick: Poom to Urk, Urk to Phoot. Maelstrom said yesterday that she’d be playing this one for Gil.

Clem: Did she, now.

Glick: I imagine that’s contributing to her focus.

Clem: Ironic that playing one for Gil should contribute to her focus. Phoot against SaLem, getting nowhere, back to Urk.

Glick: How to you mean?

Clem: I mean he passed the ball to Urk.

Glick: No, how do you mean about it being ironic that playing one for Gil should contribute to her focus?

Clem: I mean Gil isn’t exactly known for his ability to focus on football games.

Glick: Gil wasn’t known.

Clem: Whatever.

Glick: You sound pretty flippant, there.

Clem: Urk moves the ball past Chutney and takes a shot. Harlem gets a foot in there! Nice move by Mel Harlem. It’s over the net, Giant Zucchini to throw it in. Phoot to Poom.

Glick: I mean, you should be more respectful.

Clem: How so?

Glick: It’s bad etiquette to speak ill of the dead. Especially in a national forum.

Clem: International.

Glick: Even worse. Poom passes to Urk. Chutney with a tackle, the ball’s free, Harlem and Krak battling for it. And Krak manages to send it to Poom.

Clem: Worse schmurse. I’m not speaking ill of Gil. I’d just like to point out that there’s a little bit of wiggle-room in the widely-held interpretation that his disappearance is equivalent to his death.

Glick: To use an expression you’ve employed many times yourself, the hell you say!

Clem: Okay, let’s consider the facts (Poom to Urk. Urk to Krak). One: there is no body. Two: there are no witnesses.

Glick: I was a witness!

Clem: Sez you. You’re his toady.

Glick: I should smack you for saying that.

Clem: Oh, I can kick your ass.

Glick: You wanna bet?

Clem: I’ll lay odds.

Glick: What odds?

Clem: Two-to-one. (Urk with the ball, takes another shot. Mingstein wraps it up.)

Glick: You’re on. Put me down for five lemmings.

Clem: Five bucks? I’m not going to fight you for a lousy five lemmings.

Glick: All right, ten.

Clem: Fine, fine. Meet me after school, behind the playground.

Glick: You’re not taking this serisouly!

Clem: You mean the fight, or Gil’s death?

Glick: Either one! (Maelstrom with possession at midfield. Passes to Michaels.)

Clem: Oh, I take Gil’s death seriously. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a different opinion about it.

Glick: Oh yeah?

Clem: Good retort. Now you’re sounding more like him. Look, what is it you’re claiming you saw in his hotel room, exactly?

Glick: I’m claiming I saw him sitting on the bed, with a vaporizer on one side of him and a particle accelerator on the other. And if you don’t believe me, you can check the police report yourself. It’ll make mention of both those items, in good oeprating condition! (Mellon looking for a shot, she has nothing. Passes to Brickberry.)

Clem: I know about the vaporizer and the particle accelerator. But what are you claiming happened? (Brickberry with a looong shot, deflected by Quk. Michaels and Thunk, Michaels wins possession.)

Glick: All I know is, he switched on the vaporizer and zap! He disappeared. Most likely, the particle acceleration field created by the particle accelerator caused him to be vaporized by the vaporizer. That’s usually how it happens.

Clem: “Usually how it happens,” eh? What exactly is a vaporizer?

Glick: It’s a device used to vaporize things.

Clem: Sounds like a great weapon. How come I’ve never heard of one before? (Michaels to Brickberry.)

Glick: Because they’re not powerful enough to vaporize useful things like people.

Clem: Then how did--

Glick: The particle accelerator, Clem. The particle accelerator. It accelerated the vaporization particles, allowing them to work on a much larger object than they can usually vaporize.

Clem: Uh huh.

Glick: An object called “Gil.”

Clem: Right. Now, here’s a theory for you. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that a vaporizer is a device that turns water into mist. It’s also known as a “humidifier.” And it does this job of turning water into vapor by means of a fan, or impeller, that draws humidity from a reservoir and expels it into the air. You follow me?

Glick: Not really.

Clem: Well, I’ll make it simple. There are no vaporization particles. And only liquid can be “vaporized.”

Glick: Sez you.

Clem: And what’s more, I looked into things, and I don’t believe there was ever a particle accelerator in the room.

Glick: Not after they moved it to the police evidence room.

Clem: Not before they moved it to the evidence room, either. The thing in the evidence room is not a particle accelerator. It’s a laser.

Glick: Same difference.

Clem: Not even slightly. What’s more, it’s a laser used for scanning barcodes.

Glick: So what?

Clem: So it’s about as intense as a flashlight beam.

Glick: A flashlight beam capable of vaporizing someone, maybe.

Clem: Not likely.

Glick: Oh, you know what? The thing in the evidence locker is a barcode scanner, actually. But that’s not the particle accelerator that was in the room.

Clem: I see. So what’s it doing in the evidence room?

Glick: Well, Lemco City Community College needed the particle accelerator back. So they traded a laser for it.

Clem: That makes no sense.

Glick: What, you think that LCCC’s just going to give up a six-hundred-thousand-lemming piece of equipment because of a police investigation?

Clem: What the hell would Gil have been doing with a six-hundred-thousand-lemming piece of LCCC’s property?

Glick: He borrowed it. Obviously.

Clem: Why?

Glick: One theory is, for the betterment of humankind.

Clem: That’s a crazy theory.

Glick: Is it, Clem? Is it?

Clem: Yes. It is.

Glick: Well, so’s your theory about water vapor. I never heard of anything like that.

Clem: So buy a vaporizer at the pharmacy and read the box. It explains how they work.

Glick: Well, that’s not the kind of vaporizer Gil was using.

Clem: No? What kind was he using?

Glick: The kind that could vaporize [i]him[i/]. With a little help from LCCC’s particle accelerator.

Clem: Hmmph. You know what? You’re sounding more like Gil all the time.

Glick: Thank you! That’s the nicest thing enyone’s ever said to me!

Clem: I weep for you.

Lemmitania

16-09-2003, 06:08

Clem: ...the squad seems to have shaken off whatever trauma they were experiencing over the loss of Gil Lemson. We’ve just seen a commanding 3-1 victory over Giant Zucchini, putting the Lemmings right back into contention in group E.

Glick: With all four teams at three points in the standings, it comes down to goal differential, and the two-goal margin gives the Lemmings a GD of one. Good enough for second in the group, at the moment, though at this point, the final match will be a must-win for everyone. Winners will go through, losers will go home.

Clem: Match stats for the Lemmings, three goals on twelve shots. Goals by Maelstrom at twenty-two minutes, Mellon at fifty, and Maelstrom at seventy-three. For Giant Zucchini, one goal on ten shots. Urk at fifty-five minutes.

Glick: And that wraps it up. From Holloden, Audioslavia, for Clem Gilson, this is Glick Masterson, saying goodnight Lemmitania!

Oglethorpia

16-09-2003, 06:10

It's not the same without Gil :(

Ariddia

16-09-2003, 06:27

And in a much anticipated match against Europa Brittania, Ariddia achieved a 5-2 victory that surprised the players themselves. The mood was not at displays of joy, however.

"The Brittanians were playing under very difficult emotional conditions," Ranjit Khan reminded journalists after the match. "Considering that, they held up very well."

"We can only hope this war will end quickly and with as little bloodshed as possible," Myrtille Ford added, the look on her face anything but happy despite Ariddia’s victory. "It’s a nasty reminder that some people out there still consider war an acceptable means to solve problems, and send out those they should be protecting to die in senseless violence. Our hearts are with all those who are suffering in this war today."

Ariddia’s scorers in this match were Kim Kim (three goals), Myn Terrell and Ranjit Khan. The goalkeeper was Ludo Kent.

Liverpool England

16-09-2003, 09:16

Group A: Malundar progress to Round Two, Audioslavia, Kingsford, Liverpool England still have chances

Matchday 3:
Malundar-LE
Kingsford-Audioslavia

1. If Malundar win, the winner of the Kingsford-Slaves match go through, or in a draw, the Slaves.
2. If Audioslavia win their match they progress with Malundar regardless of the LE game
3. If there is a draw, LE will automatically be eliminated
4. If LE win, Kingsford will have to win for there to be a chance for LE to go through on Goal Difference

[code:1:3ea9c8ec09]
Q/E Pos Team P W D L Pts
Qlf 1st Malundar 2 2 0 0 6
2nd Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 3
3rd Liv-England 2 0 1 1 1
4th Kingsford 2 0 1 1 1[/code:1:3ea9c8ec09]

Spaam

16-09-2003, 10:09

TBF LOSE! HAHA!

Spaam continue unbeaten run - Already through to Main Round

President Fin DeCáno offers military support to Europa Britannia

Teinwë Injured - Will miss Ariddia match

Halfassedstates

16-09-2003, 10:17

'Game of the Day' theme fades

GL: Hello once again footie fans, welcome to WC7! I'm Gary Luniker, and with me in the studio as always is Alun Hansun.

AH: Hello there.

GL: After what seems like a month celebrating the birth of King Jimmy's son, Prince James, its back to normality and the WC.
With 3 more wins in their qualifying games, Halfassed finished the qualifying series top of group 6 with a 9-0-1 record.
Top scorers;
N.Hope 10
W.Wallace 5
R.King 4
A.Bundy 3
S.Murphy 2
T.Thumb 1
B.Samuelsson 1

AH: It has been an impressive run for Hope, he took his chances in the early games and established himself as a key part of the Halfassed attack.

GL: The first round match of the cup itself was also played, and thanks to the great coverage of the Dennisov reporters, we can bring you the highlights of that game now.

[cuts to highlights]

GL: A disappointing start to the campaign then.

AH: Disappointing to lose definatly, but to be fair to Dennisov they defended brilliantly and rode their luck a bit when they had too!

GL: A great goal for Crewgar.

AH: Yes a beautifully taken finish for his first international goal, just a pity for him that it meant nothing to the result.

GL: The loss puts even more importance on today's match though!

AH: Obviously, the loser to-day will almost certainly be out of the competition, while a draw won't really help either team.

GL: So Halfassed go into to-days game with an unchanged side, any news on the Timway side Alun?

AH: From what we know, the manager of the Timway side was delaying naming his side until just before kickoff as they were having a couple of late fitness checks on players.

GL: Okay, well with just 10 mins to go, lets head across to the stadium and join your commentators for the game, once again its John Mutsun and Big Run ....
[cuts to the stadium]

off air - GL: so are we off for a couple of brews then?

AH: [reaches under the table and pulls out the usual 6 pack of HalfHeartedHooch] why go anywhere? These fools better win to-day,otherwise there ain't going to be much point in playing Squorn in the final game!

GL: Hey, there's always a point, Squorn put us out of WC5, this i'll be our first chance to get revenge.

AH: True, but if we're already out, it'll be a damn sour revenge!!!

GL: Lets just see how it goes to-day then! Beer me!

Halfassedstates

16-09-2003, 10:32

Spaam

16-09-2003, 10:56

Spaam into 4th straight Second Round

Spaam has continued its unbeaten record in the Main World Cup Round, with a victory over Nonexistantcitygrad. However, striker Fin Teinwë will miss the crucial matchup against Ariddia with a stretched ligament. Assitant Coach Lehua Hoopai took control of this match during Yatan's sideline ban, against the 100th ranked team. Putting forward a 3-2-3-2 lineup, Nonexistantcitygrad was on the back foot from the first whistle. Sëhelin scored first in the 15th minute from a Dorth cross to give her her 13th goal of this World Cup season. in3 the 31st minute, the pair teamed up again, this time with Dorth scoring off a Sëhelin header. Together, these two have scored 25 of Spaam's 29 goals this season. Disaster struck just before half time though, when Teinwë was caught in a legal tackle, ended up with a stretched ligament, which forced him off the field. Choi was immediately sent to replace him, and the lineup changed to a more standard 4-4-2.
After half-time, Nonexistantcitygrad's defense improved, and without the attacking force of Teinwë, Spaam was unable to capitalise. There was a few close saves by the opposition keepr however, including a fingertip save against a very good shot by Choi. The match ended with Spaam with a 2 nil victory, and an automatic berth in the Second Round. Hoopai said after the match "We are keeping on track, and our aggressive game plan is paying off. Its unfortunate that Teinwë won't be able to play though in our very crucial match against Ariddia, but it is relieving that we are through to the Second Round."
In other matches, Ariddia beat Europa Britannia 5-2, which made sure of Spaam's progression. The group table now looks like this:
[code:1:37c9d7bf7f]Team P W D L F A GD Pts
Ariddia 2 2 0 0 9 2 +7 6
Spaam 2 2 0 0 5 1 +4 6
Europa Britannia 2 0 0 2 3 8 -5 0
Nonexistantcitygrad 2 0 0 2 0 6 -6 0
[/code:1:37c9d7bf7f]

Spaam 2 - Nonexistantcitygrad 0
Sëhelin 15
Dorth 31

The Belmore Family

16-09-2003, 11:11

TBF LOSE! HAHA!

What is wrong with you?

Spaam

16-09-2003, 11:23

Look like there's a bit of the Pot calling the Kettle here ;)

Headline of the Daily Belmore
WINNNNNNNNNER, HA HA WEEGIES. 3-1

Europa Brittania

16-09-2003, 12:28

Jarvis Smith, Brittanian head coach today confirmed he had taken the step of ordering almost all of his squad home, amongst scenes of chaos as skirmishes between Mishakal & Brittanian units broke out back home-

"We have failed to progress, the circumstances back home didn't help, but we simply must accept we are no longer a world force in football- we have lost our way."

Brittanian stars Andrew Zurich, Danny McHilton, Rusel Cannon, David Winter, Oliver Junnon, Mark Reeves, Roberte Lhitomer & Jersey Strazt flew home this evening, under armed AV-88 harrier escort.

The remaining fringe first team players would be boosted to a starting eleven with U21 players for the final game against Nonexistantcitygrad.

Jarvis commented-

"I have sent home as much of my squad as I can, and I myself turned down the flight. I'll not leave whilst some of my boys are still here. I'll coach the final game. We'll do our best, and the young lads have something to prove."

16-09-2003, 13:10

Major news items from the Fanny Moo Examiner On-line:

http://reachcanada.com/Uploads/MastHeadWebsite/MastHeadWebSite.4.gif

THE REAL REASON THE ORGAN LAWS HAVE BEEN REPEALED

In a complete backflip, the government today repealed the law on compulsory organ donations. Now, if you want to keep a tight hold on your organ of choice, you simply have to register your desires with the local magistrate. Why the change of heart? We would give an arm and a leg to know.

Political commentator, michelleg, is of the opinion that it was simply a matter of pride. "Year in, year out, United Nations surveys of our region have rated us second to Marinica in all manner of measurements of 'niceness'. Further, a young nearby nation, Memeplex, has managed to maintain a 'World Benchmark' standard for both personal freedoms and political freedoms. This has really pissed off the panel of protectors who have, until now, promoted personal wellbeing at the expense of political choice. So now, more people will die because of a shortage of organs, but at least we have the right to cremate every last bit of our bodies.

ERRINUNDERA: # 723

The United Nations confirmed this week that The Free Republic of Errinundera is NationState's 723rd largest nation. The nation's Protector of Civil Choice, Economic Participation and the Natural Environment, willd, welcomed the announcement. "We are a beacon to the world. Everywhere you look there are dictators, capitalists, warmongers, exploiters and despoilers. We are proud to be leading the world in The Other Way To Do Things."

Frustrated fascist, henryg, isn't so sure. "No-one has a car, hardly anyone has a television, people live in pokey tree-houses, we don't have an army, a navy or an air force, there are more hospitals than publicly listed companies... I could go on. Don't people understand that they are living in a hell on earth."

Recently settled refugee, idiaminoacid, thinks henryg is a dickhead. "Navy? We're a landlocked nation. The guy's a dill. Look, the only problem with Errinundera that I can see is that sometimes big companies take advantage of people. But everybody from the government down to the average woman in the tree is aware of the evil that the profit motive can do. The price of democracy is eternal vigilance - we must watch businesses keenly and monitor their every action."

CLEMOLEM PROVIDES FAINT RAY OF HOPE

After the national outpouring of grief following the announcement of the passing into darkness of the Dean of Lemmitanian Sports, rumours are spreading that deanosportem may yet be alive. In the public broadcast of Lemmitania's most recent World Cup match, clemolem, the Voice of the Lemmings, has hinted that the death may have been staged to avoid a nasty legal indictment.

Like his provocative on-air statements about potoroos, this hypothesised scam and the presequent misdemeanours don't seem to have had a negative impact on his personal popularity within Errinundera. Noted sociologist, averagea, has watched developments with interest. "For sure, the Bonangs trashed the manufacturing plant of Lammington Ltd in response to deanosportem's potoroo remarks. But my research shows that the anger was entirely directed towards the company. Polling undertaken on-site immediately post trashing shows that 17.4% of those taking part had a continuing issue with deanosportem and 94.6% had a strong dislike of Lammington Ltd, which is odd as the company effectively ceased to exist after the demolition. Errinundrians love larrikins and shit-stirrers and deanosportem was both in spades."

LONGFOOTS KICK AHEAD BUT COULD STILL BE BROUGHT TO HEEL

In Lemco City today the Errinundrian team leapt to the top of group C with a 2-1 win over outsiders, Haraki. For the third game in succession antarcticad failed to score and was substituted early in the second half. "I seem to keep going where the ball ain't," was his quaint but candid comment. He denies that he is suffering from any injuries and is adamant he will pull out of this trough.

Team coach, fionar, thinks it is too early to be worried. "It's the price of his success. And the irony is that the team, as a whole, benefits. Opposition sides put a lot of thought and energy into countering 'shiny' and this relieves the pressure on the other forwards. The goals scored by joyhilla and longipesp were both rippers but, it has to be said, they were brought about by lapses from the Haraki defence who were concentrating on antarcticad far too much." Then why the substitution? "The other mob didn't look like scoring at that point and I wanted to give firset a go to see if he could run into form. When they scored 3 minutes later I was shitting myself. But we hung on. It was a great effort from all the guys."

A win or draw against Lunatic Goofballs will assure Errinundera a place in the second round. If they lose then they are likely to be eliminated although there are mathematical chances of progression. Only an obsessed dill would work out all the permutations.

LOCAL STAR HAS BEST GAME YET

Local longfoot, pomaderrisa, played her second World Cup 7 match this morning (Errinundrian time) and has done well enough to be selected again for the upcoming encounter with Lunatic Goofballs. She is thrilled with her form. "It's just like antarcticad has always described it. There's something special about the real World Cup games. This latest match against Haraki was such a buzz. I had so much energy. fionar gave me a huge wrap after the game. She said I had just been pipped for the final leighm vote by longipesp."

http://www.indiafm.com/posters/lisaray/thumb1.jpg

We asked about her vow of abstinence taken since the announcement of the death of deanosportem. "It's a drag," she said. "The Lemmitanians are such stud muffins."

Europa Brittania

16-09-2003, 13:23

Squad Announced for Nonexistantcitygrad

Following the loss of almost the entire first team through mitigating circumstances, the team announced for the final group match against Nonexistantcitygrad is one of raw talent and youth.

--------------------Hansen---------------------

Jones-----O'Hanrahan------Lilley--------Xavier

Urqhart------Huntly-----Khandras------Constanta

-----------------Lionel-----Lester-----------------

From a starting eleven, only four [Mikel Hansen, Peter Jones, Gordon O'Hanrahan, Noel Huntly & Derek Lionel] have any experience at full International level. And also, two of the starting eleven have yet to make full U21 debuts [Khandras, Xavier,].

When question on his team selection, Jarvis Smith gave several explenations on why he went with this formation and team.

"Qualification is now out of our grasp, and I have lost virtually my entire first team, and a good slice of my reserves have also departed. I took a look through what I had avalible, and slotted those with the most experience first- [In order of First team Appearances- Urqhart, Jones, Lionel, O'Hanrahan & Hansen] and built a team around those.

I elected to remain with 4-4-2, now is not the time for changes. The lads are young, five of my players are under the age of nineteen. [Lilley, Xavier, Khandras, Constanta & Lester.] But there was little else avalible to me and we simply have to make do."

Spaam

16-09-2003, 15:17

Don't forget to visit this page... ;)

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=71809

One Red Dot

16-09-2003, 18:12

Stu Dyogai: Welcome to the Red Dot Sports Update and this is Stu Dyogai speaking, and yes, as you can see, there is an aura of cheer around the studio and the audience in the national colours of Red and White. ORD defeated Oglethorpia today, bringing the team to four points in the table and this is the very first time that ORD have defeated a team in the Group Stage. The team deserves a big round of applause, don't they?

(Wild applause by studio audience)

It only seemed like a dream when ORD started off as a infant in the World Cup, but now in their 4 appearance, the National Team isn't wasting any chances. But right here at this moment we have the person that made this dream come true, Head Coach of the One Red Dot National Team: Alvin Ker!!

(More wild applause from audience)

Alvin Ker: Thank you, you're too kind. You guys are just hyping it up.

SD: Nah, you and the team deserve all this. All of you are giving ORD a higher reputation in the WC.

AK: True. It has taken us 4 World Cups before we finally acheive something of great recognition. Although it might not seem much to other nations in the international community, but to us, a first win in the Group Stage is sensational.

SD: I heard that you sacrificed your time from the team's training, left that in the hands of the Assistant Coach, David Joel, and scurried down here for this interview...to be honest, I'm really flattered. Anyway, two games has passed and now the final match against a serious contender. Busby. Busby started only in WC6 and now have defeated a 13th-seed team 2 goals to none. Do you think that after that match, will there be second thoughts of another win?

AK: To tell you the truth, I'm not really that sure either because as you know, we had defeated Busby twice in the WC6 Qualifiers but after seeing them kick butt yesterday, boy, it's going to be tough.

SD: Let's talk about this afternoon's match. Were you guys expecting a win?

AK: Of course not. We are talking about a 13th-seed team, a nation way out of our league. But somehow, the boys pulled of a miracle.

SD: Let's take a look at the footage here. (show footage on screen)

SD(Voice Over): Here we have it at the 23rd minute and Terrance STONE receives the ball from Warren BERING in midfield and as usual fights aggressively through the front and he kicks it iver and it goes wide. Do you think that his somewhat selfish play accounts for the many lost goal opportunities?

AK(VO): No, not really. At first, it may seem like solo play but when he is working as a team, he doesn't act so irrationally, it's only at time like these when opportunity knocks when he starts roughing it out.

SD(VO): Now here we have Nagasen HASHIEI cautiously approaching the front, the defence seems to have the upper hand but he passes quickly to Harry RADFORD. He brings the ball up to the penalty box area and the defence is slightly disorientated. Wow! Amazing play by the both of them. This is the good part...H. RADFORD kicks the ball in at the 67th minute. That was the only goal in the whole game and we got it. It was definitely amazing.

AK: Yes, it certainly was. The adrenaline that i felt during the game is still rushing through me actually. It's quite demanding.

SD: Thank you so much for being here, Alvin. Everybody give another round of applause for Alvin Ker.

(applause from audience as Alvin makes his way backstage)

SD: Right now, we are awaiting the results from the TnUI-Busby match but at the moment, here is the Group B Group Stage Table after 2 matches:

[code:1:1c868fae39]
Group B (Day 2) P W D L F A GD T
22 One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
39 Busby 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
07 Total n Utter Insanity 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
13 Oglethorpia 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0
[/code:1:1c868fae39]

Wow! It seems like a total upset now. The two lowest seeded teams are resting on top while the two higher-seeded teams are struggling below.

Now let's see the conditions for us to proceed to the next round.
If TnUI wins, ORD would have to defeat (play against GrpD 2nd) or draw Busby (play against GrpD 1st) to proceed.

If Busby wins, ORD would have to defeat (play against GrpD 2nd) or draw (play against GrpD 1st) Busby. If ORD loses (play against GrpD 1st) to Busby tomorrow then Oglethorpia would have to win OR TnUI would have to win while scoring one less than ORD would score against Busby.

If they draw, ORD would have to defeat Busby (play against GrpD 2nd)
OR ORD would lose to Busby and hope Oglethorpia defeats TnUI (play against GrpD 1st)
OR ORD would draw Busby (play against GrpD 1st) and hope Oglethorpia defeats TnUI OR TnUI wins but scores one less than what ORD would score against Busby.

Confusing, yes. But as long as these conditions are met, we are guranteed a spot in the Round of 16(2nd Round). Thank you for watching the Red Dot Sports Update. This is Stu Dyogai speaking.

Lemmitania

16-09-2003, 18:56

Full match day 2 results have been posted.

Total n Utter Insanity

16-09-2003, 19:06

ERRINUNDERA: # 723

708 :P

I don't have time to RP what with work, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Lemmitania

16-09-2003, 19:18

You dudes are still smaller than my big brother Audioslavia. He could kick your ass.

Bedistan

16-09-2003, 19:55

Heavy Betting, Recalculations Shorten Odds on Lions

AMISSVILLE, LM -- The Bedistan Football Association continues to work day and night to determine all the possible ways the Bedistan Lions can successfully progress out of the first round. Through additional calculations, they have found that our World Cup team has slightly -- just slightly -- better chances than first thought.

While only two matches remain in the group, one between Bedistan and Haraki and the other between Errinundera and Lunatic Goofballs, there are no fewer than ten potential scenarios that could emerge for the Lions. They are as follows:

1. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by at least two goals (est. chance = 28%), Bedistan is through, period.

2. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs defeats Errinundera by at least two goals (est. total chance = 3%), Bedistan and Lunatic Goofballs are through.

3. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs defeats Errinundera by one goal (est. total chance = 2%), and if Lunatic Goofballs scores at least as many goals as Bedistan, Bedistan will be out and Lunatic Goofballs and Errinundera will move on.

4. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs defeats Errinundera by one goal (est. total chance = 2%), and if Bedistan scores one goal more than Lunatic Goofballs, the Goofballs will move on and Errinundera and Bedistan will be tied for second place. It is unknown what will happen in that case.

5. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs defeats Errinundera by one goal (est. total chance = 2%), and if Bedistan scores at least two goals more than Lunatic Goofballs, the Goofballs and Bedistan will move on.

6. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs and Errinundera draw (est. total chance = 3%), and if Bedistan does not score at least two goals more than Lunatic Goofballs, the Goofballs and Errinundera will move on and Bedistan will be out.

7. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs and Errinundera draw (est. total chance = 3%), and if Bedistan scores two goals more than Lunatic Goofballs, Errinundera will move on and the Goofballs and Bedistan will be tied for second place. It is unknown what will happen in that case.

8. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Lunatic Goofballs and Errinundera draw (est. total chance = 3%), and if Bedistan scores at least three goals more than Lunatic Goofballs, Errinundera and Bedistan will advance.

9. If Bedistan defeats Haraki by one goal and Errinundera defeats Lunatic Goofballs (est. total chance = 4%), Errinundera and Bedistan will advance.

10. If Bedistan does not defeat Haraki (est. chance = 60%), Bedistan is out.

The overall estimated chance for the Lions to progress is roughly 37%. As such, odds on the team have been reduced once again from 3-1 to 5-2, putting the final odds table as follows:

Errinundera: 3-2
Haraki: 3-2
Lunatic Goofballs: 2-1
Bedistan: 5-2

Both matches will be crucially important to all four teams in the group.

Tanah Burung

16-09-2003, 20:37

One Red Dot

16-09-2003, 20:42

Earlier this evening:

Stu Dyogai: Welcome to the Red Dot Sports Update and this is Stu Dyogai speaking, and yes, as you can see, there is an aura of cheer around the studio and the audience in the national colours of Red and White. ORD defeated Oglethorpia today, bringing the team to four points in the table and this is the very first time that ORD have defeated a team in the Group Stage. The team deserves a big round of applause, don't they?

(Wild applause by studio audience)

Stu Dyogai presented the Red Dot Sports Update earlier on but now, the Red Dot Sports 2nd Update.

Here is the final Group B Table after the TnUI-Busby match:
[code:1:fbd33ae9b1]
Group B (Day 2) P W D L F A GD T
07 Total n Utter Insanity 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
22 One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
39 Busby 2 1 0 1 2 2 2 3
13 Oglethorpia 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0
[/code:1:fbd33ae9b1]

The possibilities in the ORD-Busby and TnUI-Ogle matches on Day 3 and the outcomes relating to ORD.

If ORD win//TnUI win and ORD GD>TnUI GD: ORD plays against GrpD 2nd.
If ORD win//TnUI win and ORD GD<TnUI GD: ORD plays against GrpD 1st.
If ORD win//TnUI win and ORD GD=TnUI GD: A tie-breaker match occurs to see who is first and second (Note in Day 1, ORD drew TnUI 1-1)

If ORD win//Ogle win: ORD plays against GrpD 2nd.

If ORD win//TnUI,Ogle Draw: ORD plays against GrpD 2nd.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

If ORD,Busby Draw//TnUI win: ORD plays against GrpD 1st.

If ORD,Busby Draw//Ogle win: ORD plays against GrpD 2nd.

If ORD,Busby Draw//TnUI,Ogle Draw and ORD GD>TnUI GD: ORD plays against GrpD 2nd.
If ORD,Busby Draw//TnUI,Ogle Draw and ORD GD<TnUI GD: ORD plays against GrpD 1st.
If ORD,Busby Draw//TnUI,Ogle Draw and ORD GD=TnUI GD: A tie-breaker match occurs to see who is first and second (Note in Day 1, ORD drew TnUI 1-1)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If Busby win: ORD eliminated

And now a quick look at the Group D Table. If ORD goes through, one of these nations will be our rivals.
[code:1:fbd33ae9b1]
Q/E Group D (Day 2) P W D L F A GD T
Unkn 18 Runaway Moose 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
Unkn 36 Pure Evil 2 0 2 0 4 4 0 2
Unkn 01 Quohog 2 0 2 0 4 4 0 2
Unkn 20 Tanah Burung 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
[/code:1:fbd33ae9b1]

At this point, it is still unknown who will definitely be going through and everyone has a chance of going through.

Total n Utter Insanity

16-09-2003, 20:49

Canny did the talking, striking in both halves to leave the score 2-0 at Fulltime.

SD: Right now, we are awaiting the results from the TnUI-Busby match

One Red Dot

16-09-2003, 21:00

Canny did the talking, striking in both halves to leave the score 2-0 at Fulltime.

SD: Right now, we are awaiting the results from the TnUI-Busby match

Sorry...didn't see that...i guessed i missed it :oops:

Bedistan

16-09-2003, 23:36

BFA Announces Creation of Domestic League

AMISSVILLE, LM -- The Bedistan Football Association today announced the creation of a domestic league within the nation. Twenty of Bedistan's largest cities have received the honor of having a team in the BFL (Bedistan Football League). The teams are divided into four divisions:

Southern Division
Columbia Sharks
Dennis Bears
Alexandria Porcupines
Midway Wolves
Ilium Dragons

Northern Division
Hampton Paladins
New Town Red Devils
Griffin Zebras
High Mountain Buffalo
Carbondale Boars

Eastern Division
Jamestown Jaguars
Jamaica Giants
Eastfield Rogues
Grant City Lions
Hillcrest Hawks

Western Division
Washington Tigers
San Diego Iguanas
Sonoma City Volcanoes
Graceville Salamanders
Amissville Antagonists

The league's first season (2012) is expected to begin shortly. Each team plays every other team in the league twice -- once at home and once away -- giving each team a total of thirty-eight matches, or 380 matches in all.

17-09-2003, 01:02

The Jackass Party, who own everything including all football clubs in TnUI, have revealed they are in talks with someone about the transfer of TnUIs golden boy Hill.

We aren't gonna tell you who, but you can bet this for sure, we're gonna screw them outta every penny <laughter>

Freddie Walters MP (Sport)

Squornshelous

17-09-2003, 01:43

GL: Whatch a gamez. Hope witsh 2, Murphys with 1 and Reeeee Kiing witsh a sstupendiculars free kicks.

AH: 4-0, heehee - we've still got a chance, bring on Squorn!!!!!

GL: Squornselicousses - wesa comings to whip yaz

*is drinking a coke, coughs laughs, and sneezes coke out his nose, then collapses*

You? Threaten us?

Giant Zucchini

17-09-2003, 08:27

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini lost 1-3 to the highly favoured Lemmings, Urk scoring the Zucchinis' solitary goal. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "It was not very good to let in two goals in the second half...the players were distracted. After the match, they were all in the locker room. They were all very quiet. The moment was very poignant. I was not able to say anything. Tomorrow we will have time to discuss the match. But we can still advance to the second round. Why not? The last match with The Belmore Family is very important. If we beat them we still have a chance to advance to the second round. Oog made some mistakes. It happens to all players. It’s not only a question of Oog. It’s the normal way to make some mistakes. The Lemmings are a very smart group with good experienced players. With this group of quality they have a chance to go very far in this competition."

Dennisov

17-09-2003, 13:51

Squornshelous Belittles Dennisov

After the great opening game against Halfassedstates, the Dennisov team showed the world how much has changed.
For almost 90 minutes the Dennisov team was shown the new brand of football by Squornshelous' national team. Not anywhere on the pitch the players of Dennisov were able to show anything resembling competence.
The total teamspanning off-day allowed Squornshelous to score an unprecidented 4 goals against Cheevers, who was in fact the best player on the Dennisov side. This just underlines the appalling level op play the Dennisov players brought to their 2nd game of the tournament.

The beating started after 4 minutes when Provonost just let the Squornshelous' striker through without even trying to stop him. The manager's words claiming that they had worked very hard on the defensive aspects of the game, got a very ironical feel to it. Especially when the other central defender, Lester Patrick up-ended the Squornshelous playmaker. The following free-kick was hammered in behind Cheevers, who could only wave at it as it screamed by him.

Captain Wayne Gretzky tried his hardest to try and force a break, but all he managed to break was the referee's patience, who booked him just minutes before half time. The Dennisov defenders in the second half changed from being totally absent to overly zealous, causing two penalties for the Squornshelous team less than 8 minutes apart. Both were skilfully converted, giving them an embarrasing 4-0 lead.

Due to the more relaxed attitude by the Squornshelous team, the painful 0 was whiped off the board by a long range effort by Marcel Dionne. Even though the goal itself was beautiful, curling it into the upper left corner from long way out, this was an outrageously poor performance by the once proud Cup holder.

Had the Dennisov team before impressed some of the neutral spectators, surely this result has shown them that it's not all gold that sparkles in the Dennisov camp.
Reporters have made observations that a fight had broken out after the game in the Dennisov dressing room. Neither the manager nor captain Wayne Gretzky were willing to comment on this.
Bryan McCabe however is said to have hit new comer Provonost in the head by kicking a water bottle when he entered the room after the game.

We can only hope and pray that the last game will not be played like this by the Dennisov 11.

Ariddia

17-09-2003, 14:11

8pm news

Yasmina Jones (presentator):
"Ariddia's national football team players are bracing themselves for their upcoming clash against the team from Spaam. Both teams are already through to the next round, but this will be a much anticipated confrontation. If one team loses, that team's record in this Cup so far will be shattered, so it's a matter of pride as much as anything else..."

Halfassedstates

17-09-2003, 14:33

HSMG News at 9

...............
...............
...............

As you may just have seen, the Halfassed national side produced a great answer to critics by defeating Timway 4-0.
First half goals from Hope (2) and Murphy give the side a comfortable lead, before a Ree King free-kick from 35yrds late in the 2nd half put the icing on the cake.
With Squornshelous defeating Dennisov 4-1 in the other game in the group, Halfassed are now in second,ahead of Dennisov on goal difference.
If we defeat group leaders Squorn in the final game, Halfassed will go through.
If we draw, then Dennisov must either draw or lose to bottom of the group Timway for Halfassed to make it.
If Halfassed lose, then we will have to hope that Timway beat Dennisov!

In other news, it is rumoured that Halfassed and Cenataur forward Freddy Crewgar will be sold by the club to Orean Utd. Club Chairman Coinun Itin has reportedly agreed the Liverpool England teams bid and will allow Crewgar to disguss personal terms. If agreed, it is likly that the transfer would go ahead after the end of the current Champions League.

The weather tonight,.........

.... This just in, there are rumours of a strange occurance in Squornshelous tonight. Apparently all the citizens of the country were similtaniously taking a drink (they like to do things together!!) when it is thought that they all choked laughing at something and collapsed. ( :wink: ) More details on that story in our next bulletin.

Snub Nose 38

17-09-2003, 15:22

*we find ourselves in the snub nose 38 hooligans locker room at peltier park in commerford, audioslavia. the place is deserted except for the sides managing staff, manager ben dover, offensive coach justin case, and defensive coach eileen dover. ben sits at a small desk with the hooligan’s roster for the match against dark outcasts – blank. eileen is sitting on a corner of the desk, with a cold ’38 special’. justin is pacing nearby, speaking excitedly -*

- …have to put the full starting side out there!
- I don’t think so, Justin. We need to rest as many starters as we can.
- Eileen, there are two reasons why we hafta use our best possible side. One, even though it’s not likely, if we lose to Dark Outcasts badly enough, and Akbarland wins over Ravenspire convincingly, we won’t go through.
- That’s almost absurd. The chances are so slim…
- Justin has a point, Eileen. We increase that slim chance if we field anything but the best side we’ve got.
- Exactly what I mean, Ben. And, two, we want to win the group. If we win the group, we’ll face the second place side from Group F. If we get through as number 2, we’ll face the winner of Group F.
- We all know that, Justin. That’s why I want to rest the starters – so they’ll be ready for that match, whichever it is.
- Hmmm…I think what Justin is getting at, Eileen, is who those two sides from Group F are. It’s going to be either Arridia and Spaam, or Spaam and Arridia.
- I know, Ben, and I know how good they both are. I keep saying, that’s why I want to rest our guys.
- Did you see the article on their match in this mornings ”Scuttlebutt”? They’re both going all out to win. It seems it’s a matter of national pride that neither has lost yet, and they want to keep it that way.
- Oh…no, Ben, I hadn’t seen that. That puts a different light on it.
- Exactly.
- So what I’m saying, Eileen, is we need to win Group H. Then we’ll face whichever of Spaam or Arridia that have just played their best side, and as hard as they could, and came out second.
- Which means they’ll be the more disheartened of the two.
- Now I see it. We’re in a must win match, then - we have to win Group F. That’s why you want to play the starters instead of resting them.
- Exactly, Eileen. That’s just what Justin’s been driving at.
- Then I agree, Ben. Go ahead and draw up the starting roster that way.

Halfassedstates

17-09-2003, 15:33

a lot of stuff
occ: aahhhhhh - my head hurts :cry:

Snub Nose 38

17-09-2003, 15:44

a lot of stuff
occ: aahhhhhh - my head hurts :cry:
*the plan is working!*

Lemmitania

17-09-2003, 17:05

Excepting Lemmitania/Svecia, group stage match day 3 results have been TGed.

Snub Nose 38

17-09-2003, 17:13

Scuttlebutt – Morning Edition

Friendly On Tap With The Crocs
Sten, Snub Nose 38 (aspn wire)

The Ministry of Athletics, Olympics, and Alcoholic Beverages today accepted an invitation for the Snub Nose 38 International Football side, the Hooligans, to play a friendly match with the Tanah Burung Crocodiles. The match is to take place in Tanah Burung, at a date yet to be selected, although the Ministry did indicate it would be sometime in the harvest moon. A spokesperson for the Ministry, who gave her name only as “Margaret”, said details regarding the date, venue, ticket prices, and ticket outlets will be publicized as soon as they are settled. She also noted that the Ministry still has available at reasonable prices a wide variety of “Eviscerate the Crocs” memorabilia – caps, t-shirts, sweatshirts, key-rings, bumper-stickers, and more. For those who want the “Eviscerate the Crocs” tattoo, please call for an appointment at the Ministry. Ask for Beverly in the illustration department.

This reporter placed a call to Ben Dover, the Hooligans Manager, in Commerford, Audioslavia. When told about the friendly, Ben said, “The Crocs! Great! We owe ‘em one – at least. We’re still hoping to come up against them here at the World Cup, but any chance to take the pitch against those flippin’…”

At that point Ben was interrupted by his wife, Eileen Dover, the Hooligans defensive coach, who said, “We’re looking forward to it. Come on, Ben, we’ll be late for…the thing…with the…guy, about…the thing.”

In other news, the Tanah Burung Grouphug Agricultural College has begun growing a new vegetable, genetically engineered to go rotten immediately on sight of a Snub Nose 38 citizen, and splatter to the maximum possible extent on impact. The Ministry of Justice and Real Estate, in a joint announcement with the Department of the Interior and Exterior, declared possession of any amount of Evisceratomato to be a felony offense in Snub Nose 38. This includes the seeds of the “vegetable”, and the plant itself, as well as the fruit. The Ministry of Health, Mining, and Obscure Rituals is looking into the possibility of issuing permits for possession of Evisceratomato for medical purposes.

Snub Nose 38

17-09-2003, 18:02

*the minister of super secret sleuthery sits quietly in the airport lounge, reading a copy of the 'scuttlebutt - international edition'. he stops reading, and sits up. he folds the paper carefully, and sets in down on the chair next to his. reaching out, he pulls his carry-on bag closer. the minister opens the top compartment, and carefully takes out two tiny evisceratomato plants. he stares at them for a moment. he stuffs his paper into his carry-on, closes it, and looks about the room. he spots what he's looking for, picks up his bag, walks over and tosses the two tiny plants into the refuse bin.*

- Dammit. I could have made a bundle.

*the minister is very tired. in order to get from audioslavia to snub nose 38, and make a stop in tanah burung to purchase the two little evisceratomato plants, he'd had to make five connecting flights. in fact, he's not exactly sure what country he is in right now, to say nothing of what city. at the moment the only thing he is sure of is that he is waiting for flight 247 to board. he sits in the nearest empty chair, and slouches down to take a 'cat nap' - and freezes.*

- What the...

*a figure, a person, a man...he'd caught sight of him just as he turned a corner and went out of sight. the minister gets to his feet as quickly as he can without looking like he's getting up quickly. carry-on over his shoulder, he moves to that corner quickly, while looking disinterested and acting like he's moving slowly. he turns the corner - and there is no one in sight. it's a dead end, and there doesn't appear to be any way out except where the minister is standing. in fact, the only thing he does see is an empty paper beer cup sitting on top of a refuse bin. he stands there a moment.*

- It couldn't have been.

*the minister turns, and walks back to his seat. he slouches, again preparing for his cat nap. he looks puzzled. it...it had...looked like...gil lemson. but...lemson is dead.*
---------------------------------------------------------------
*when the neatly folded copy of 'scuttlebutt - international edition' lay on the seat, we couldn't help but notice the following*

Hooligans Advance
commerford, audioslavia (aspn wire)

Game one of Group H on the last match day of group play has been played, game two is underway. The Snub Nose 38 Hooligans, by viture of a 2-2 draw with Dark Outcasts, have advanced to the next stage of World Cup 7 play. The Hooligans move on as the winner of Group H. As this reporter filed this report, the Hooligans were to be seen downing cold "38 Specials" and carousing about. Manager Ben Dover was dancing a jig. Eileen Dover appeared to be trying to stop him. ASPN will provide match highlights during this evenings broadcast.

(edit - table modified to include the Akbarland-Ravenspire 2-2 draw)

[code:1:9bda108bf6]
GROUP H P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Snub Nose 38 3 2 1 0 6 2 +4 7
Dark Outcasts 3 1 1 1 7 6 +1 4
Akbarland 3 1 1 1 6 7 -1 4
Ravenspire 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 0[/code:1:9bda108bf6]

Bedistan

17-09-2003, 18:19

Bedistan Breaks Curse, Moves to Second Round!

LEMCO CITY, LEMMITANIA -- Bedistan Lions coach Jim Parker knew that the match against Haraki was a must-win situation.

"Our guys and girls have been working their absolute hardest in preparation for this match," he said prior to kickoff, "and we're looking really good right now."

Bedistan came out on the offensive early, with captain Gene Barber sending in a nice curving shot from midfield in the 14th minute. Star forward Johnny Lewis followed up with a similar shot, though not from as far out, just before halftime, bringing the score to 2-0.

Coach Parker then made an unusual move -- he took out both forwards. Newbie Alan Greene was given a chance to play on defense, and Ken Buhner came in as a substitute forward. This was Greene's first game and Buhner's second, despite the fact that Buhner has been on the team since WC5.

Olivia Bream let in a fairly rare goal early in the second half, and for a moment it looked like Haraki would equalize. An offside penalty put a stop to that, however, and Ken Buhner got his fifteen seconds of fame when he pounded in a third goal just before full time, making the final score 3-1.

Final score:
Bedistan 3 (Barber 14, Lewis 40, Buhner 86)
Haraki 1

Bedistan's two-goal victory means they are now through to the second round, regardless of what happens in the Errinundera-Lunatic Goofballs match. The Group C table stands thusly:

[code:1:1f2b733ce2]Group C P W D L GF GA GD Pts
(24) Bedistan 3 1 1 1 3 2 +1 4
(3) Errinundera 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
(13) Lunatic Goofballs 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
(32) Haraki 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3[/code:1:1f2b733ce2]

Though the Lions currently top the group, they will finish in second place, with either Errinundera or Lunatic Goofballs taking the lead and the other taking third. This means we will be playing the winner of Group A, which will most likely be Malundar, though Audioslavia is also a possibility.

Quohog

17-09-2003, 19:22

The Curse of Lemmington?

Soothsayers accompanying the Tanah Burung squad are chanting continually in the hopes of overcoming the Curse of Lemmington. They have determined that the Crocodiles perform exceptionally well in all arenas except Lemmitania National Stadium, where they suck. The latest loss to Runaway Moose is the latest example.

But there is still hope for the Crocs to advance, as the Curse is also taking a toll on Quohog, which let in three goals to unheralded Pure Evil in its second straight draw. If the Crocodiles can beat Pure Evil -- and 100 chanting, dope-smoking women dressed only in seashells think they can help make that happen -- then there is still a chance, as long as Runaway Moose is able to manage at least a draw against Quohog. The soothsayers are trying to pile on the Curse against Quohog by rubbing pork fat over old Family Guy videos. Mmm. Voodoolicious.

News Brief
Quohog officials are looking into a possible appeal after the dismal performance of the team in World Cup VII. We know that Voodoo practices were done to Family Guy videos in Tanah Burung, and that is totally unacceptable. We have obviously been infected with the Curse of Lemmitania by those soothsayers, and outside forces shouldn't be allowed to interfer with our level of play. After Quohog's surprising 1-1 tie with Tanah and its 3-3 tie with Pure Evil, the team expected to get back in form against Runaway Moose. As you probably know, the ensuing 3-1 defeat has effectively put the team out of the tournament. In World Cup VI, Quohog sent Runaway home with a 3-1 defeat in the second round, so the Moose side had their revenge. We don't know the outcome of the Pure Evil/Tanah Burung game, but we do know that Quohog would need for Pure Evil to fall to stay equal with them, which would put Tanah over the top. The nation, the Quohog Football Organization, and the team are all shocked at the teams performance, and it was decided that the only possible explanation was that we had been infected with the Curse by the Voodoo burnings. Before the actual cup had started, Quohog had a 28-3 record, so I think most of the footballing world is shocked by the performance. More information about the government response will be coming soon.

In other news, the riots which followed the defeat to Runaway Moose have continued unabated, and government officials fear that the rebellion, which had been all but crushed, might flair up agai...

Runaway Moose

17-09-2003, 19:36

Welcome once again to our Sports Coverage of the Runaway Moose International Football Team. I'm Gus, and Liz is here with me.

Liz: Gus, it seems like forever since we've been able to broadcast.

Gus: Well, it was Hurricane Gilbert. It destroyed not only our tower, but the studio building and everything in it, around it, near it. Why, my car was found 250 yards away, stuck through the wall of a super market.

Liz: Gus, we're over that now - and the insurance company paid you handsomely for that old wreck, anyhow.

Gus: True. So, Liz, how goes World Cup 7 from the Runaway Moose point of view? Is we is, or is we ain't?

Liz: We is is, Gus. Runaway Moose ran away with Group D in todays match against perenial great Quohog. The match had the sweet taste of vindication, revenge, if you will, for Runaway Moose.

Gus: How so?

Liz: Well, since you ask - in World Cup 6 the Quohog side ended Runaway Mooses run for the cup when the two sides met, and Quohog took the match 3 to 1. Today, Runaway Moose topped Quohog by the same score, but reversed: Runaway Moose 3, Quohog 1.

Gus: How ironic.

Liz: Very ironic.

Gus: Uh...that wasn't a question, Liz.

Liz: But it was an answer, Gus...and what an answer it was. Runaway Moose will move on to the next stage of play, regardless of the outcome of the match between Pure Evil and Tanah Burung. That match, however, if wrought with meaning, as any of the other three sides can advance, depending on it's outcome.

Gus: "Wrought" - nice word, Liz.

Liz: That's it for me, Gus.

Gus: Well, then, that's it for both of us, Liz. Good luck to the Runaway Moose side in their next match! We hope to bring you details.

Total n Utter Insanity

17-09-2003, 20:16

TnUI seal Second Round Place in typical TnUI fashion with a loss to arch-nemesis Ogly, I mean Ogle.

Who cares about the result? We are through!

Freddie Walters MP (Sport)

Oglethorpia

17-09-2003, 20:25

TOTAL N UTTER DEFEAT
Oglethorpian team misses World Cup but defeats longtime nemesis

Oglethorpia's World Cup team bowed out of World Cup Seven's first round today, but in glorious style by defeating longtime nemesis Total n Utter Insanity, one-nil. Oglethorpia opened up first round with a loss against Busby, two-nil, ORD defeating Oglethorpia once again one-nothing. Oglethorpia "took the field for honor" as coach Ray Krusen put it in a game that would play almost no role in determining if Oglethorpia would make it past the first round or not.

Oglethorpia stayed even with TnUI on the pitch for 61 minutes in front of a riotous crowd of fanatic Oglethorpian and TnUI football fans, before Fitzgerald slipped one by TnUI keeper Pala making the score 1-nil, Oglethorpia commanding the game. They would keep command of the game until the 90th, securing a win against Total n Utter Insanity, bringing the match-record of TnUI vs Oglethorpia to 1-1-1.

The final match against TnUI, ending Oglethorpia's World Cup Seven bid also ended the World Cup careers of team captain/midfielder Phillip Bjorn, midfielder Eddie Christianson, defender Ed Markey, striker Kurt Fitzgerald and finally 4-time goalie Rafael Hernandez. "I can't tell you how amazing it feels to score the winning goal against TnUI in my final World Cup game. I've had an exciting career and i've no qualms about calling this my final World Cup," stated an absolutely-elated Kurt Fitzgerald.

Phillip Bjorn also has no bad sentiment concerning his departure from the World-soccer scene. "We've always been contenders, but have never gone far into the final matches of the Cup; i'm sure whether i'm here or not, that Oglethorpia will remain contenders in the World Cup for years to come." Phillip Bjorn has played in all the Cups Oglethorpia has fronted a team for, from their first World Cup 4 appearance, post-ranking 22nd, through World Cup 5 and 6 ranked 13th in the World.

"I don't know where are ranking will be after this exit from the Cup in the first round," said Eddy Christianson, "but i'm sure one of these days Oglethorpia will front a fantastic team that will be able to make it happen. And i'll be content just to watch them do it." Defender Ed Markey was very simple about it. "I played 4-World Cups. What's to complain about?" Oglethorpia will be announcing the World Cup Eight squad in only a couple of weeks.

17-09-2003, 22:33

Errinundera 4 Lunatic Goofballs 1

Err goals: longipesp (6, 14), joyhilla (52), antarcticad (89)
Err best: longipesp, adealbata, pomaderrisa

[code:1:3c61d1fc0f]Errinundera 3 2 1 0 6 2 +4 7
Bedistan 3 1 1 1 3 2 +1 4
Haraki 3 1 0 2 4 6 -2 3
Lunatic Goofballs 3 1 0 2 3 6 -3 3[/code:1:3c61d1fc0f]

Full report in the Fanny Moo Examiner On-line tonight.

Tanah Burung

18-09-2003, 00:07

Curse of Lemmington confirmed
National mourning as Crocodiles beaten

In four Cups running, Tanah Burung never failed to qualify for the second round of the World Cup. Then they saw the City of Lemmington, where they have lost, and lost badly, to team after unheralded team. The latest disaster was a 2-1 loss to Pure Evil, which now goes on to the next round along with group winners Runaway Moose.

[code:1:298d702274]
Runaway Moose 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
Pure Evil 1 2 0 6 5 +1 5
Quohog 0 2 1 5 7 -2 2
Tanah Burung 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1
[/code:1:298d702274]

A team of Cursologists at Lovefest University have detemined that voodoo efforts in both Tanah Burung and Snub Nose 38 are unlikely to have swayed the results. Instead, they blame the city of Lemmington, which they have detemined is built on top of an Indian burial ground, which in turn is on top of a hellmouth. The city's construction was begun on a Friday the 13th by a group of 13 cursed men who were buried alive in the city wall. The success of a team named "Pure Evil" is still more evidence of the curse.

Total n Utter Insanity

18-09-2003, 00:56

Yes it's back!

[code:1:debcf09d17]
World Cup 7

2nd Round Quarter Finals Semi Finals

Winner Group A ----
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group C - |
| -------------------
Winner Group B ---- |
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group D -

Winner Group C ----
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group A - |
| -------------------
Winner Group D ---- |
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group B -

Winner Group E ----
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group G - |
| -------------------
Winner Group F ---- |
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group H -

Winner Group G ----
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group E - |
| -------------------
Winner Group H ---- |
| -------------------
Runner-Up Group F -
[/code:1:debcf09d17]

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 02:56

<OOC>Just taking a break from writing the Svecia commentary and--

Holy Cow! Runaway Moose is back! Hurray!</OOC>

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 06:18

Live from Park Lane in Holloden, Audioslavia, this is Glick Masterson for the Lemmitanian Radio Network. Tonight, it’s a must-win situation as your Lemmitania Lemmings face Svecia in the third game of World Cup seven. It’s thirty minutes from game time and joining me in the booth is Clem Gilson.

Clem: Thanks, Glick. Nice night for football. Wha-- hey buddy, you’re in the wrong booth.

Glick: And straight from Lemvoola School of Broadcasting, it’s my pleasure to introduce the one and only Grant Rockson!

Clem: Who? Who the hell is this?

Grant: Thank you, thank you, Glick! Delightful to be ‘ere!

Clem: Who is this? Who are you?

Grant: Name’s Grant Rockson. An’ you must be the famous Clem Gilson. A pleasure to meet you, sir.

Clem: What, you’re another broadcaster? Sally, what’s going on? Nobody told me we’d be joined in the booth tonight.

Grant: Not just tonight, Clem. I’ve just signed a contract to take poor, poor Mr. Lemson’s place as color commentator for the rest of World Cup seven.

Clem: Huh. Glick, you knew about this?

Glick: I found out right before we went on. And I couldn’t be happier.

Clem: Why’s that?

Grant: Glick’s an old mate of mine. Landed me this job, you moight say.

Clem: I see. Strange Glick should have so much pull being the new guy.

Grant: Wull, I was sort of Gil’s protégé.

Clem: I thought Glick was Gil’s protégé.

Grant: I was ‘is other protégé.

Clem: Two protégés, huh? One of whom is right out of school and hasn’t ever actually worked with him?

Grant: ‘e was me mentor. All through broadcastin’ school ‘e used to give me wise advice an’ wotnot.

Clem: Wise advice? Like what?

Grant: Oh, you know. The usual kind of stuff.

Glick: You didn’t have someone else in mind, did you Clem?

Clem: Not really. I figured we’d just press onward as-is, just the two of us.

Glick: I’m flattered. Brothers-in-arms, and all that sort of thing, blazing our trail though the dark jungle of World Cup broadcasting?

Clem: Yeah, whatever. Silly me, I just naturally assumed that LRN would consider Gil irreplaceable.

Grant: An’ ‘e was! I could never ‘ope to fill the shoes of such a great, great man.

Clem: Huh. Well, I’ll tell you one thing, Grant, you sure are full of it.

Grant: Thank you, Clem. Coming from you, that’s a great compliment.

Clem: Have we met somewhere before, by the way?

Grant: Mmmm, not that I can recall. Did you mebbe go to Lemvoola?

Clem: Lemvoola School of Broadcasting, you mean?

Grant: Yeh.

Clem: No. I went to the U of Lemmington. Over twenty years ago.

Grant: Twenty years-- wull, I never! I’d ‘ave thot you were a mere spring peeper loik Glick an’ me! Never would ‘ave thunk you’re fifty years old already.

Clem: I’m not. And you’d know I’m not right out of school if, as you seemed to imply a little while ago, you have any appreciation of my career. Hell, I’ve been hosting Monday Night Rugby for twenty years.

Grant: Since before I was born!

Clem: How nice. How old are you, exactly?

Grant: Ummm, let’s see. Twenty-three, I’d say.

Clem: You don’t know?

Grant: Sure I know.

Clem: You didn’t sound too sure there.

Grant: I just forgot.

Clem: Many people are able to state their age right off without thinking about it.

Glick: I never know how old I am unless someone calculates it for me.

Clem: In all fairness, Glick, you’re a Gilmeecian.

Grant: Look, Clem, some people spend all their time worrying about ‘ow old they are an’ whether they’re about to die in a freak accident, an’ some people just assume that wotever age they are is just fine an’ they don’t worry any further about it. An’ then when someone asks ‘em ‘ow old they are, out of the blue an’ without warning, they ‘ave to think about it a little.

Clem: Well, whatever. So you’re right out of LSB, eh? Hired on to be color commentator for the second-most-popular sporting event in Lemmitania. Hell of a break, I’d say.

Grant: I owe it all to Glick.

Glick: You’re too kind.

Clem: I don’t know, it sounds kind of fishy to me. But whatever. You really do look familiar, though.

Grant: Wull, when you figure out where we’ve met, you just let me know.

Clem: Before Lemvoola, where did you live?

Grant: Limmsburgh. I’m a born-an’-bred Limmsburgher.

Clem: The hell you are. You’re from Lemco City, plain as day.

Grant: Wot’re you talking about?

Clem: You can take a man out of the Lowlands, but you can’t take the Lowlands out of his tongue-- as the expression goes. You’ve got an accent so think you could cut it like a cheese.

Grant: The ‘ell I do!

Glick: I don’t hear any accent.

Clem: What are you, his toady too?

Glick: I’m nobody’s toady!

Clem: You were Gil’s toady, and you’re--

Glick: I’m what?

Clem: Nothing.

Glick: What are you grinning at?

Clem: Nothing. Nothing. I just figured something out.

Glick: Hah. You figured nothing out.

Clem: Sure I did.

Glick: Well, whatever you think you figured out, we don’t want to hear about it.

Grant: Don’t we?

Glick: No, Grant. We don’t.

Grant: I’m kind of curious--

Clem: I figured out why you look familiar.

Glick: How ‘bout if--

Clem: You look like the spitting image of--

Glick: You can just keep it to yourself--

Clem: The spitting image of Cary Grant. Crossed with Rock Hudson.

Grant: Why thank you! Yes, I am a handsome young man, ain’t I?

Clem: Yeah. Yeah, that’s just what you are.

Glick: Let’s not talk any more about this, okay?

Grant: I’ve often been told that if Cary Grant an’ Rock ‘udson ‘ad a love-child, I’d be ‘im.

Clem: No doubt about it. Of course, Cary Grant and Rock Hudson were both men.

Grant: They were both gay men, Clem.

Clem: So what?

Grant: So they might ‘ave ‘ooked up.

Clem: They still couldn’t have a love child.

Grant: You never know. With today’s technology?

Clem: They didn’t have today’s technology.

Grant: Too bad. Well, until they do, the world will ‘ave to make do with me.

Clem: Is that your place in life, then? To be Cary Grant and Rock Hudson’s love child?

Grant: Yes it is. An’ to call football games with you an’ Glick.

Clem: Your life’s dream is coming true. Have you been listening to the World Cup broadcasts since you were knee-high to a grasshopper, then?

Grant: Of course I ‘ave.

Clem: And yet you thought I was only in my twenties. Imagined I was only ten when I started calling them, did you?

Grant: Math ain’t me strong point.

Clem: Hmm. Calling football games, though, that’s your strong point?

Grant: Absolutely.

Clem: So I can expect a lot of witty football-related banter out of you.

Grant: Positootly.

Clem: You know, Gil used to say “positootly.”

Grant: ‘e never did.

Clem: If I were you, I’d have said that I picked it up from listening to his broadcasts. Rather than simply denying it.

Grant: Denial is nine-tenths of the law.

Clem: Ironically, that seems to be true, at least in Lemmitania. But back to my point: when the game starts, I’m assuming that you’re gong to be paying a lot of attention to it. Commenting on the action, and everything.

Grant: Wot else would a color man do?

Clem: Talk about stuff that happened on Goofball Island, maybe.

Grant: I’ve never been to Goofball Island.

Clem: Gil spent a lot of time there.

Grant: So wot?

Glick: Yeah, Clem, so what? How about if we stick to talking football and stop interrogating poor, new Grant. Can’t you see he’s overwhelmed to be here, calling his first big game?

Clem: Right out of school.

Grant: So, football. Let’s talk football. That’s wot I’m ‘ere to do, after all.

Clem: All right, then. What do you think of Svecia so far, Grant?

Grant: I’ve never been there, Clem.

Clem: How relevant.

Grant: Wot’s that, fascis-- facetiousosity, Clem?

Clem: Nice save.

Grant: Wot’re you talking about?

Clem: Oh, nothing. And yeah, it was ‘facetiousosity.’

Grant: Wull, you asked ‘ow I liked Svecia, so tellin’ you I’ve never been there seems pretty relevant to me.

Clem: I asked what you thought of the Svecian football team so far in the tournament.

Grant: Oh. I see. Well, I can’t really say.

Clem: Haven’t seen enough matches to form an opinion, eh?

Grant: I was kind of busy during the qualifying rounds.

Clem: A professional sports broadcaster too busy to follow the tournament?

Glick: Be fair, Clem. He hadn’t been hired yet.

Clem: I happen to know that most sports journalists follow every major sporting event whether they’re calling it or not.

Glick: I don’t follow events I’m not covering.

Clem: Yes you do. Just yesterday we had a long conversation about the NSAF standings and the Field Hockey World Cup.

Glick: Those don’t count.

Clem: How convenient.

Grant: Saved by the bell! The referee’s bringing the captains to midfield.

Clem: How convenient.

Grant: There’s Lana Maelstrom, ‘oo makes all us Limmsburghers sick with envy. ‘er exploits on the pitch are matched only by ‘er outspoken daring off the pitch.

Clem: That didn’t make much sense.

Grant: Not much is still some.

Glick: Lana won the toss and elected to begin with possession. So we’ll be breaking for some important messages and then returning for the kickoff.

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 06:20

Clem: Helen Mellon kicks off for the Lemmings, passing to Mel Michaels, and we’re under way in Park Lane. Now, Michaels had a lot of trouble against Giant Zucchini. It’ll be interesting to see how he fares against a defense that’s not quite so highly rated.

Grant: ‘oo are all those people on the pitch?

Clem: Those are the players.

Grant: I know that, Clem. But they don’t look like the players I’m used to seeing.

Clem: Used to seeing? How do you mean? World Cup games aren’t televised in Lemmitania.

Grant: I mean seeing. At the last--

Glick: He means that he’s used to seeing the pictures of the players in the papers. Grant, those are the new players from the professional league.

Grant: Oh, right! I forgot. No more rugby players.

Clem: Why don’t you run down the roster for us, Color Man?

Grant: ...

Clem: I’m talking to you, Grant.

Grant: Huh? Oh, right, I’m color man. Interesting to ‘ave a job with an official ti’le.

Clem: Other than “Dean of sports.”

Grant: Wot are you talking about?

Glick: We don’t care what he’s talking about. Let’s just do the roster.

Grant: Righto. Lessee. In goal, it’s Lemma Mingstein, ‘oo took over eight years ago from the evil Mel Flanders, and ‘asn’t allowed a goal yet.

Clem: Yes she has. She’s allowed lots of goals.

Grant: I meant today, Clem.

Clem: No you didn’t. You just didn’t know what you were talking about.

Grant: Gil would ‘ave known.

Clem: No, he wouldn’t.

Grant: Don’t malign Gil! ‘e was a great man.

Clem: Just tell us who’s playing before the game’s over.

Grant: Lana Malestrom ‘as the ball, I see.

Clem: Yep.

Grant: She’s wonderful.

Clem: Too bad you hate her.

Grant: Oh. Yes, as a Limmsburgher, I do. Well, um, on defense we’ve got Winston SaLem, Lemón Chutney, Mick Chang, and Mel Flanders-- Oh ‘ell! ‘e’s back!

Clem: What are you, brain damaged? That’s Mick Nichols and Mel Harlem.

Glick: Don’t be abusive of the new guy, Clem.

Clem: Yeah, right. Mel Harlem isn’t even a man!

Grant: ‘oo said she was?

Clem: All right then, Grant, why don’t you tell me something? What the hell kind of a name is Grant Rockson? What kind of a moron gives their kid a name like that?

Grant: My momma.

Clem: The hell she did.

Grant: She did! An’ I should kick your ass for calling ‘er a moron!

Clem: Oh yeah? You’re willing to fight me over your claim that your mother named you Grant Rockson?

Grant: You don’t believe me?

Clem: It sounds pretty damn made-up to me.

Grant: Hah! Was Cary Grant a made-up name? Was Rock Hudson?

Clem: Yes and yes.

Grant: Huh? Cary Grant wasn’t a made-up name, was it?

Clem: His real name was Archibald Leach.

Grant: No kidding? You never would ‘ave guessed from lookin’ at ‘im. I mean, ‘e really looked like a Cary Grant, di’n’t ‘e?

Clem: You thought Rock Hudson was a real name, did you?

Grant: No, of course not... wasn’t it?

Clem: Roy Scherer.

Grant: ‘ow do you know these things, Clem?

Clem: They’re not especially obscure facts, as trivia goes.

Grant: Wot about Randolph Scott?

Clem: George Randolph Crane Scott.

Grant: Well, that's not far off, anyroad. So if Cary Grant an’ Randolph Scott ‘ad ‘ad a kid, it would ‘ave been Scott Leach.

Clem: That’s a big if.

Grant: They were a couple, Clem. Everybody knows that. Right, Glick?

Glick: They sure as hell were.

Clem: But, as with Cary Grant and Rock Hudson, they were both men.

Grant: Gay men, Clem.

Clem: Let me explain something to you about human reproduction, Grant. See, babies aren’t made from sperm alone.

Grant: With modern technology, you can make a baby out of anything.

Clem: I sincerely hope not.

Grant: Anything with DNA, I mean. They just pop a bit of the stuff out of a cell, put it in the incubator, an’ bam[i/]! Out comes a baby.

Clem: Fortunately, that’s not true.

Grant: Wull, I’m simplifying, of course. There’s complicated chemical processes in there.

Clem: In the incubator?

Grant: It’s more than just an incubator, really. That was sort of a parabola.

Clem: Huh?

Grant: You know, that stuff that’s like exaggeration that you’re always using.

Clem: How do [i]you know what I’m always using, new guy?

Grant: I... always listen to all your games.

Clem: Yet you didn’t know I’m not twenty-three years old.

Grant: Oh, okay, Clem. You want to know the truth? I just said that about your age to flatter you. Okay? Because being the new guy I thought I’d compliment you to get on your good side. There, okay? I’m sorry if I made a broadcasting faux-pas.

Clem: All I know is, there’s only one person who confuses hyperbole and parabolas.

Glick: There was only one person who confused hyperbole and parabolas. And he’s no more.

Grant: ‘oo was that one guy, Glick?

Glick: That one guy was Gil, Grant.

Grant: Ohhh, of course. The great Gil Lemson. Dean of Lemmitanian sports, ‘e was.

Clem: Yet he didn’t know hyperbole from a parabola. And neither does--

Glick: Look: Helen Mellon just took the first shot on goal. Kind of a weak one.

Clem: Yeah, it was easily deflected. Say something, Grant.

Grant: I’ve been sayin’ all kinds of things.

Clem: Provide some color commentary on that shot.

Grant: Oh. Well, okay. ‘elen Mellon. Kicked it at the goal. An’ a right weak kick it was, if reports are true. Got deflected by Joe Mellondeflector.

Clem: Joe Mellondeflector?

Grant: That’s as good a name as any, for the moment.

Clem: I don’t think you can go making up names for the opposition on your first game.

Grant: Wot’s ‘is real name, then?

Clem: You tell me. You were doing the rosters.

Grant: Was I? Well, let’s see. I s’pose I must ‘ave ‘ad them written down somewhere, then.

Clem: Yes, I suppose you must have. Maybe on the piece of paper you were holding.

Grant: Yes, where ‘as that piece of paper gone?

Clem: Yes, where has that piece of paper gone?

Grant: I ‘ave no idea. That’s why I’m askin’ you.

Clem: What, you lost the roster?

Grant: It would appear so.

Clem: We’re sitting here in a sealed booth. It can’t have gotten far. Look around for it.

Grant: I’m lookin’! Whatta you think I’m on me ‘ands and knees for?

Clem: You’re not on your hands and knees. You’re looking out the window.

Grant: I think I may ‘ave dropped it out the window.

Clem: The window’s shut!

Glick: I can’t find the roster anywhere.

Clem: Did you look under his chair?

Glick: Yes.

Clem: Grant, look for the roster.

Grant: Glick’s already looked in every feasible location, Clem. It must ‘ave escaped.

Clem: Check your pockets.

Grant: Okay. Lessee. Not in there. Wot’s in ‘ere? A few audis, ‘otel room key...

Clem: What hotel are you staying in?

Grant: ‘olloden Grand, of course.”

Clem: What room?

Grant: 1257, it says. Wot’s it to you?

Clem: I was just wondering if you were staying in Gil’s room.

Grant: Don’t be morbid. Poor, poor Mr. Lemson. ‘e was a great man.

Glick: That he was.

Clem: Okay, can it, you two. So no roster in any of your pockets?

Grant: Nope.

Clem: Check in your socks.

Grant: Me socks? Why would the roster be there?

Clem: I have no idea. I’m just thinking maybe you stashed it.

Grant: Hmm... Nope. Nothin’ in me socks but me feet.

Clem: Did you make sure you’re not sitting on it?

Grant: Yes.

Clem: And were you?

Grant: Was I wot?

Clem: Were you sitting on the roster?

Grant: Lemme check. Nope.

Clem: So let me get this straight. It’s your first day on the job, you’re the brand new guy right out of broadcasting school, you managed to somehow land a plum job that every broadcater in Lemmitania wants, and right out of the gate you lose the team rosters. In a closed broadcast booth.

Grant: So it would appear.

Clem: Does that make you fear for your job at all?

Grant: It doesn’t say in me contract that I can’t lose team rosters.

Glick: We’ll just have to make do without a roster.

Grant: Be brave.

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 06:22

Clem: And as Svecia kicks off to start the second half, the Lemmings are in a deep two-nothing hole. I’d love to tell you who scored the goals, but Grant Rockson, the new guy, lost the roster.

Grant: It ain’t me fault!

Clem: How do you figure?

Grant: I think a monkey stole the roster.

Clem: Oh yeah?

Grant: Lemme tell you something about Audioslavia, Clem. Something you may not know. The place is crawling with lemurs.

Clem: I haven’t seen any.

Grant: It’s their national animal!

Clem: It’s worth noting that the Lemmings need to make up three goals here. A draw is not good enough. Trailing Svecia on goal differential, we need to win this match or it’s all over.

Grant: The lemur, sneakiest of the monkey clan.

Clem: What?

Grant: I’m just sayin’. Lemurs are evil li’le monkeys.

Clem: They’re pretty big, actually.

Grant: Small enough to fit in your leg.

Clem: Are you still on about that?

Glick: What do you mean still on about that? Grant hasn’t said anything about lemurs before.

Clem: Oh, no, never. He’s never talked about lemurs getting in your leg and causing trouble.

Glick: That’s right.

Grant: That is right. They’re some right wicked bastards, lemurs are.

Clem: You know, I’ve been thinking.

Grant: For one thing, they’re make themselves at ‘ome in your leg an’ start gnawing on your monkey bone.

Clem: Gnawing on your what?

Grant: Your monkey bone. That’s a bone in your leg.

Clem: Okay. We’ve been through this before.

Grant: I’ve never been through nothin’ with you before. Considering we never met before today.

Clem: Oh yeah, I forgot. Look, there are three bones in the leg: the tibia, the fibula, and the, um...

Grant: Monkey bone.

Glick: The patella.

Clem: I wasn’t counting the patella. Including the patella, there’s four bones.

Grant: Wull, wotever the official “Latin” name of the monkey bone, the monkey bone is still the monkey bone. An’ that’s the one the lemurs like.

Glick: That’s true. I’ve heard they’ll move right in and take control of your legs.

Grant: An’ make you dance funny dances.

Glick: Lemur dances!

Clem: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Can it, both of you. The other bone in the leg is the femur.

Grant: That’s the monkey bone!

Clem: No, it’s not.

Grant: A femur is a female lemur, Clem. Look it up.

Clem: Why bother? Even if a female lemur is called a femur, that still doesn’t make the femur a “monkey bone”.

Grant: Yes it does.

Clem: Why do I argue this stuff with you?

Grant: You say that as if it’s something you do regularly. Which you don’t. Seein’ as we just met.

Clem: Yeah. So, I’ve been thinking. Now that Gil is gone, it seems to me that he’s left a sort of gap in the broadcasting world.

Grant: Absolutely.

Clem: Without him, something’s missing.

Grant: I’ll do me best to fill ‘is shoes.

Clem: That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fact that without Gil, we have no Dean of Lemmitanian sports.

Grant: Er, yeh. That’s true...

Clem: Hadn’t thought of that, had you?

Grant: Wotta you mean?

Clem: Nothing. So I’m thinking, somebody’s got to take up the mantle.

Grant: Not necessarily.

Clem: Look at it this way: if the title’s just laying around, up for grabs, who do you think’s going to get it?

Grant: No one. Gil trademarked it. It’s ‘is to take to the grave.

Clem: Wrong. That’s not the way Lemmitanian trademark law works, buddy.

Grant: It’s not?

Glick: Actually, thanks to a loophole, Clem’s right.

Clem: To be perfectly accurate, Gil could have taken it to the grave. If he’d gone to the grave.

Grant: You’re losin’ me.

Clem: If Gil had produced a body when he ‘died,’ trademark law would have awarded the title to him in perpetuity. But a death without a body is considered a disappearance under Lemmitanian law.

Grant: But poor Glick witnessed the awful event! ‘e can testify to it! ‘e knows Gil is dead!

Clem: Not according to the law. I mean, a witness is enough to get a death certificate. It was even enough to get Gil’s assets released-- as you know.

Grant: ‘ow would I know that?

Clem: Never mind. The point is, it’s not good enough for the trademark courts. If someone owning a trademark disappears, including a presumed and witnessed death that produces no body, the trademark become null and void after six months.

Grant: Bloody ‘ell! ‘oo thought up that stupid law?

Clem: I have no idea. But there you have it. The title “Dean of Lemmitanian sports” is going to be up for grabs in six months. And as I was saying, who do you think’s going to get it?

Grant: But wot about if someone was incinerated in a fire or something? You’re tellin’ me they’d lose their legal rights just ‘cause they were unfortunate to die in unfortunate circumstances?

Clem: If there’s ashes or anything, it counts as a body.

Grant: There was ashes when Gil was vaporized!

Clem: No there weren’t. There was no evidence whatsoever. The law’s in place to prevent someone who owns a trademark from disappearing in the event that they get in trouble with the law, and then collecting dues on the usage of their trademark.

Grant: That makes no sense. ‘ow could that ‘appen?

Clem: Well, gee, I don’t know. Let’s think about this. How could that happen? Hmmm... Oh, I know. What if Gil had faked his death in order to avoid the indictments against him for fraud, et cetera, et cetera. And what if he had an endorsement deal with Lemdidas footwear company to produce “Deans,” a popular brand of running shoe? And what if, even after his fake death, big barrels of cash were being deposited into the accounts of his estate as a result of that endorsement deal? Then, what would happen would be that he would keep collecting money thanks to the “Dean of sports” trademark even though he was secretly alive and hiding out in some unknown location. And that, my friend, sticks in the craw of the trademark courts.

Grant: You mean Gil’s endorsement cheque might be in jeopardy?

Clem: So I’m thinking maybe when that six months are up and Gil’s trademark expires, maybe I’ll be Dean of sports.

Grant: The hell you will!

Clem: Yeah? What’s it to you?

Grant: What’s it to me? What’s it to me? Humph!

Clem: I tell you what. If I don’t get it-- and this is what I was saying before-- if I don’t get it, there’s only one person who could.

Grant: Who?

Clem: Who do you think? Shemp Wooley.

Grant: Shemp! Ooo, ‘e makes me so mad! Trying to steal away Gil’s endorsement deals.

Clem: At least if I got it, it’d be in the hands of one of Gil’s friends.

Grant: You call yourself ‘is friend? Plottin’ to take ‘is ‘ard-earned money.

Clem: Heh heh. Not exactly plotting. He set himself up. There’s no possible way he can reclaim the trademark.

Grant: No? Why not?

Clem: Because he’ dead.

Grant: Oh yeh. That’s right. I did forget about that.

Clem: Tell you what, Grant. You, me, and Glick can go in on it together. You help me get the trademark and I’ll give you a cut of the endorsement.

Grant: ‘ow much?

Clem: An amount to be determined later. Maybe ten percent.

Grant: Ten lousy percent?!

Clem: Take it or leave it.

Grant: ...I’ll think about it.

Clem: While you’re at it, provide some color commentary.

Grant: Oh, I’ll provide some color, Clem.

Clem: Heh heh.

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 06:23

Clem: Well, with ninety minutes in the books it doesn’t look too good for the Lemmings’ chances. Down three-one, on goals by three players whose names we don’t know, with Lana Maelstrom scoring one at the sixty-four minute mark. So it looks like the Lemmings will be bowing out of the tournament after the group stage for the first time since World Cup three. A nice run of three straight quarterfinal appearances comes to an end tonight. Thoughts on the game, and the Lemmings squad?

Grant: I’m still boilin’ about this trademark business.

Clem: I have to say, it’s really none of your concern.

Grant: Gil was me mentor! I ‘ave an inalienable responsibility to look after ‘is interests.

Clem: Glick, what about you?

Glick: I’ve been looking after Gil’s interests all night.

Clem: I meant, do you have any thoughts on the game or the team?

Glick: Oh. Well, the defense really hasn’t been too strong this time out. Lemma Mingstein’s lost a bit of speed, I think, and it’s a valid question whether Lembobba should have been played in place of Mel Harlem. I think that one’s going to haunt Lana Maelstrom for a while.

Clem: If not for Lana, Harlem almost certainly would have been on the bench all tournament. Not that she played badly, but the defense certainly did get beaten more often than we’re used to seeing.

Glick: Ironic that this is the first Lemmings team to feature professional footballers, and it turned in the worst performance in four tournaments.

Clem: The World Cup’s been gaining popularity, worldwide. I think that the level of competition is higher than it’s been in the past.

Glick: True. For the first time, only one unranked team made it into the tournament. It was a very tough field this time around.

Clem: And there’s the final whistle. Injury time is up. The Lemmings look disappointed down there, but they’ve been trailing the whole game and they knew they were headed for elimination. We’ll be summing up the game for any interested listeners after these important messages. The final score from Park Lane, Holloden, Audioslavia: Svecia three, one Lemmitania. This is Clem Gilson for Lemmitanian Radio Network.

The Belmore Family

18-09-2003, 07:00

Belmore Vs Giant Zucchini
Alex:Welcome to the World Cup broadcasting with the ultimate match... Belmore Vs Giant Zucchini...Lining up for Belmore.
Goal Keeper
1.William Edwards

2.Thomas Belmore
4.Daniel Belmore
3.Alec Belmore
5.Jake Belmore

6.John Belmore
11.Fred Belmore
10.Alex Belmore
8.Nick Belmore

7.Alan Belmore
9.Laurence Belmore

And for Giant Zucchini
1-Oog

2-Aargh
3-Humm
4-Quk
5-Thunk

7-Kerrnigit
6-Poom
8-Krak
9-Gung

10-Urk
11-Phoot

The teams are ouit so lets get underway with Tom and Simon

5th Minute
Urk down the left wing, Urk's with the ball crosses to Gung in the center, head it into the top hand corner of the goal. Belmore are behind 1-0 after only 5 minutes, they really will have a long hall

15th Minute
Krak's through into the box he's bang on goal, the keeper comes out dives for the ball, but he has cluttered Kluk, that's a penalty to Giant Zucchini the referree is coming over to William and shows a straight red. Laurence is being subsituted for Jack Belmore who is to go in goal. Gung steps up to tke the penalty, charges towards the ball.... GOAl!! :cry: Belmore are 2-0 down. What a shame, surely we can't climb back now.

43rd Minute
Urk, charging down the left wing can he all but seal it for GZ, he's passed all the defenders only William to beat and he smashes it into the corner of the damn it. 3-0 we're going home early.

54th Minute
Alan has got up for Belmore he's on the edge of the box, foul! Belmore have a free kick on the edge of the box. Nick steps up, curls it, it's hit the post, but Alan steps in with an easy header to score, Belmore pull one back, 3-1

58th Minute
Alan's through on Goal. One on one with the keeper... chips it over his head, GOAL 3-2 wer're back in it. Belmroe have scored this really lights our chances. The stadium is really chearing. You can hear the crowds. What a goal.

79th Minute
Belmore really need a goal to give them at least 10 minutes for another. Saying that, Fred's through. Crosess it into the center meets the overheadkick of Alan. YES that's his hatrick, the teams are equal. Belmore only need 1 goal.

96th minute
Fred shoots curling into the corner of the goal. What a save by Oog and sends the ball into the crowd. Alan is to take the corner, everyone is up, the corner is struck into the center of the box, cleared by Humm, William taps it down. Smacks the ball towards the goal, surley it has no......*Silence* YESSSSSSSSSSSSS what a goal!!!!!!! Belmore qualify for the second round, the crowd is going wild ,people are extatic Belmore have scored, Belmore are doing so well

Giant Zucchini

18-09-2003, 08:00

NEWSFLASH:

Giant Zucchini fell in the hands of The Belmore Family, losing the coveted second round spot. Giant Zucchini impressed in the first half, with Urk performing to his usual high standard, but the defence could not handle the pressure in the second half and collapsed, the Zucchinis falling to a 4-3 defeat. Head Coach Mr Hurr, "We were very nervous throughout the game and this is all we could produce today. Honestly, I have to admit The Belmore Family were the better team today. But I must also add that we simply had no luck in some decisive situations. We staged some nice counter-attacks. A few of our players performed well, but generally speaking we didn't play to our real potential at all. I congratulate The Belmore Family and wish them the very best for their future games."

Liverpool England

18-09-2003, 11:23

Liverpool England crash out with 2-3 loss to group winners Malundar
[code:1:716e8218ec]
Q/E Pos Team P W D L Pts
Qlf. 1st Malundar 3 3 0 0 9
---- 2nd Audioslavia 2 1 0 1 3
Emn 3rd Liv-England 3 0 1 2 1
---- 4th Kingsford 2 0 1 1 1 (Goal Difference)
[/code:1:716e8218ec]

-Kingsford have to win to progress
-Malundar meet Group C runner-up

Dennisov

18-09-2003, 11:37

DENNISOV KNOCK-OUT

Today's game against Timway spelled O U T.
After 90 minutes of play, the spectators had seen 4 goals.

Unfortunately for Dennisov they were spread evenly between Timway and Dennisov, 2-2.

Dennisov played a lot better against Timway than against Squornshelous. Especially the attackers found themselves with a better supply.
Marcel Dionne scored twice, equalizing on both occasions.

Timway showed that the words at the beginning of the group matches were indeed well founded.

The Dennisov record for this worldcup with only a single loss should have been an indication that the level of play by the Dennisov team had increased. The truth, however, is obscured by the hard statistics, as Dennisov is still but a shadow of its Cup winning form.

Wayne Gretzky told this reporter that his decision on yet another WorldCup would be made during his break from the game. With his buddy upfront scoring and Bossy's influence on the field, people are expecting him to hang up his boots and take a well deserved rest.

Total n Utter Insanity

18-09-2003, 12:32

[code:1:e9457fa2f7]
World Cup 7

2nd Round Quarter Finals Semi Finals

Malundar ----------
| -------------------
Bedistan ---------- |
| -------------------
Busby ------------- |
| -------------------
Pure Evil ---------

Errinundera -------
| -------------------
Audioslavia ------- |
| -------------------
Runaway Moose ----- |
| -------------------
TnUI --------------

Svecia/TBF --------
| -------------------
Squornshelous ----- |
| -------------------
Ariddia/Spaam ----- |
| -------------------
DO/Akbarland ------

Halfassedstates ---
| -------------------
Svecia/TBF -------- |
| -------------------
Snub Nose 38 ------ |
| -------------------
Ariddia/Spaam -----
[/code:1:e9457fa2f7]

Dennisov

18-09-2003, 12:35

DENNISOV BITES NAILS

With the 2-2 draw against Timway, the result between Squornshelous and Halfassedstates is anxiously awaited all over Dennisov.

Anything other than a Squornshelous victory will mean the end of Dennisov's participation in this edition of the WorldCup.

The previous matches have bookmakers put a draw between Squornshelous and Halfassedstates as the most likely of outcomes. This will mean that even though Halfassedstates and Dennisov will have the same amount of points, the atrocious goal difference of Dennisov will be their downfall.

For a team that claims to have worked so hard on defense, this does have a very ironical sound to it. Having been eliminated on the poor performance of their defense.

We can only hope the result in the last game of this group is in Dennisov's favour, but readers, I fear the worst.

18-09-2003, 13:33

Major news items from the Fanny Moo Examiner On-line:

http://reachcanada.com/Uploads/MastHeadWebsite/MastHeadWebSite.4.gif

QUOHOG OUT

World Cup nasties, Quohog, failed to progress beyond the first round after being defeated 3-1 early this morning (Errinundera time) by Runaway Moose. Following earlier draws against Tanah Burung and Pure Evil, the failure of the number one seed (and number one meanest nation) has left the cup up for grabs. Disrespect for Quohog is rampant throughout Errinundera so we thought we would ask Fannies what they thought.

eliphaz (pastrycook): In a way it's a shame they are no longer in the Cup. With the finals in Audioslavia and Lemmitania it was a chance for them to see how fine life is in progressive societies.

bildad (masseur): The supreme World Cup result would be Errinundera winning. If they don't win, it's still a good result if Quohog get eliminated early on.

zophar (musician): The local public viewing screen has been showing replays of Runaway Moose v Quohog all day long. Me and my mates would be happy to re-live this over and over again. We've decided to call 18 September Quohog Day.

schadenfreude (aromatherapist): I remember that amazing match at Frosty Hollow when lightning bolts hit Quohog's dugout and then their goal. This match was almost as good.

hosment (artist's model): I am really worried that lot's of relatives of the Quohog national team are going to be strung up for this. I've met lots of asylum seekers from Quohog and they tell me how desperate things are there.

WHAT ERRINUNDRIANS ARE READING

The top 10 best selling non-fiction titles for the last month have been:

1. Report of the Magisterial Enquiry into the Substitution of Leather for Substitute Leather - kollontai.
2. Sacred Trees of Errinundera Volume 3: CUNNUSVACCAE - costermansl
3. From Saplings to Superstars: My Part in the Growth of Errinundrian Football - filthyl
4. Favourite Mud Cake and Lammington Recipes - stickydactylus
5. How to Recognise a Car When You See One: A Field Guide to the World's Cars - oldlandlo
6. Pure Green: Keeping "Old Left" Social Justice Ideology out of the Greens Party - dhutton
7. The Mystery of Hairy Man Creek - iyowie
8. Leeches and How to Care for Them - tedbloa
9. Escape from Quohog - mandelan
10. The New Reader in 19th and 20th Century Spanish Anarchism - tomash

REPORTS OF DEANOSPORTEM IN NORTH

There have been a number of unsubstantiated sightings of the vanished deanosportem in northern parts of Errinundera. Several people have come forward with intriguing stories to tell.

swonder (singer, Bendoc): Yesterday, I saw a man taking a thylacine for a walk. I approached him - well, you don't see a thylacine every day. When I got close I recognized him as deanosportem. He threatened to set the creature on me if I didn't run away.

joselucky (guitarist, Bonang): I couldn't believe my eyes. He was just ahead of me at the checkout in the local supermarket. I called out to him but he covered his face and ran out of the store. Funny thing was, he left all his groceries behind.

nimiswink (unemployed radio talkback host, Deddick): I was woken up in the middle of the night by a loud whooshing sound and flashing lights. I ran out of my house just in time to see him floating up in the air into the belly of a hovering spaceship.

impartia (scientist, Rooty Break): What a pack of wankers. What do you expect from blockheads?* They should get outa their boxes and into trees where they belong.

LONGFOOTS IN

The Errinundrian national team continued their fine World Cup 7 form with a big win over highly fancied Lunatic Goofballs. The game got away to a rollicking start with both sides attacking freely. Errinundera scored in the 6th minute (longipesp), LG replied in the 11th and longipesp repeated herself in the 14th. Some sanity crept back into the game at this point as both sides rethought their defensive strategies. Twice more in the second half, however, the LG defence cracked under the pressure of the longfoots probing. Clever passes from longipesp to joyhilla (52) and antarticad (89) resulted in two more goals.

It was especially pleasing to see star striker antarcticad back among the goals, albeit in the dying moments of the game. He remains puzzled about his form. "I'm not injured. I'm focussed. I'm fit. I don't know what's going on. The dice just doesn't seem to be rolling my way at the moment. I just hope this goal is the start of a return to form."

Local star, pomaderrisa, had her best game yet. Could we be witnessing the rise of another great Fanny Moo defender, following in the footsteps of sandrab? The brown-eyed "Hazel", as she is ironically nicknamed, is thrilled. "It all seems to be falling into place for me. sandrab is a big act to follow. She and snapier were very supportive of me during the qualifiers when it seemed I didn't have a future in the national team. I get heaps of emails every match from home. To have so many Fannies following my every move is daunting but it is an honour nonetheless."

The win leaves Errinundera as the clear leader of their group at the end of the first round. In the second round match the longfoots will face either 11th seeded Kingsford or 19th seeded host, Audioslavia. It all depends on the outcome of the match between the 2 group A sides. A win to Kingsford will put them against the longfoots. Otherwise it's Audioslavia.

*Derogatory term used by the tree people of central and southern Errinundera for the northern house people.

Halfassedstates

18-09-2003, 13:37

HSMG News

The Halfassedstates team went into to-days final game in Group G knowing that a victory by 2 clear goals would ensure they would qualify top of the group. After the first half, that possiblity looked unlikly, with the score tied at 1-1.
A 5th minute howler by O'Malley gifted Squornshelous the lead, before a 36th minute Ree King free kick found Wallace unmarked at the back post, and he blasted home the equalizer.
At half-time, Murphy was replaced by Crewgar and Bundy came on for Samuelsson. The changes gave Halfassed a greater control of the game, and they slowly turned the screw on the Squorn defence. A Bundy cross found Crewgar who's thundering diving header was turned round the post by the Squorn keeper. The corner was taken short by Bundy to Ree King, who jinked past 2 defenders before squaring the ball to Hope for the simpliest of tap ins.
With just 3 minutes to go, Bundy broke down the left, his cross was destined for Hope who was racing through the middle, until a hand grabbed his shirt and pulled him to the ground.
Somehow the ref failed to show the red card to the Squorn #4 for the professional foul, and he further insensed the Halfassed team by awarding a free-kick right on the egde of the box, despite replays showing the foul was inside the area.
30 seconds later though it mattered little as the ball flew from Ree King's boot under the wall and nestled into the bottom corner of the net.

The 3-1 win not only gave Halfassed revenge for Squorn ending our qualification hopes in WC5, but more importantly, it sent the team top of the group, meaning that we will now face the runners-up in group E in the next round.
With news filtering through of Dennisov's 2-2 draw against Timway, the Squornshelous players were also able to raise a smile and celebrate their progress to the next round.

After the game, the Squornshelous manager refused to comment on the rumours regarding the reported mass collapse of Squornshelous citizens after their win in the previous game.

Snub Nose 38

18-09-2003, 13:39

...(a lot of very funny stuff)...Grant: You mean Gil’s endorsement cheque might be in jeopardy? ...(other funny stuff)
Clem: Heh heh. Not exactly plotting. He set himself up. There’s no possible way he can reclaim the trademark.
Grant: No? Why not?
Clem: Because he’ dead.
Grant: Oh yeh. That’s right. I did forget about that.
Clem: Tell you what, Grant. You, me, and Glick can go in on it together. You help me get the trademark and I’ll give you a cut of the endorsement.
Grant: ‘ow much?
Clem: An amount to be determined later. Maybe ten percent.
Grant: Ten lousy percent?!
Clem: Take it or leave it.
Grant: ...I’ll think about it.
:shock:

Heh heh.Clem's said it all. 8)

Audioslavia

18-09-2003, 13:45

'Slaves to face Errinundera in the second round

A hard-fought 1-0 victory over Kingsford today means that the 'slaves have qualified second in their group ahead of Kingsford and LE, and behind group-winners Malundar.

Audioslavia's reward for progressing to the knockout stages for the first time in 12 years is a match against WC6 semi-finalists Errinundera.

Total n Utter Insanity

18-09-2003, 13:46

'Slaves to face Errinundera in the semis

Second round :P

Dennisov

18-09-2003, 13:56

DENNISOV HOPES TRASHED

The sudden realisation that all was not lost has made the 3-1 victory of Halfassedstates over Squornshelous hit the people of Dennisov even harder.

The angry manager Jacques Martin had not a kind word for the poor performance Squornshelous brought to their last game. Lord J. Axa, chairman of the Dennisov Football Association, was displeased with Martin's unfounded outburst.

Truth is that Dennisov itself is responsible for the elimination.

These thoughts however did not come up in the minds of a small group of so-called supporters who targetted Squornshelous' built cars, the country's main export product. Pictures of ferrets in anatomically impossible situations were drawn on the walls of the Squornshelous consulate. The Dennisov police quickly erected a barrier between the so-called supporters and the diplomatic envoy in the Dennish Republic.

Protesters with signs demanding that Squorshelous should stop executing political activists were now outnumbered by the scoreline of their latest Nationstates Worldcup game.
"3-1 how much did they pay?" the protesters yelled.

When banners with ferrets up half an ass cheek were popping up, the authorities had enough.

The water hoses from the Dennisov Fire Brigade quickly cleaned the streets, as well as the walls of the consulate.

An official statement by Ms. Patrica Denn offered her apologies for the poor behaviour of the Dennish people, whom are not known for their rebelious outbursts. She wishes both teams good luck on their way to what she hoped would be a wonderful final.

Audioslavia

18-09-2003, 14:08

'Slaves to face Errinundera in the semis

Second round :P

i was using Audioslavian slang :p 'semis' is a shortened version of saying "the round of sixteen! woah! go the playoffs! cincinatti strike-downs for the mega-bowl! awesome!"

One Red Dot

18-09-2003, 14:10

ORD Misses on Fourth Consecutive World Cup Despite High Hopes

Stu Dyogai: Good evening and welcome to the Red Dot Sports Update. As you can see, things aren't so cheery anymore. The reason is because ORD lost to Busby 1-2 at the Republic Stadium in Audioslavia this afternoon. The whole nation is now deeply in shock as the team that had fought so hard for the whole world cup and the pass 3 world cups still haven't made it. As Head Coach Alvin Ker once said: "History would repeat itself...the exit is all too familiar already."

Although our score was sufficient to proceed, however, we lost out in GD to TnUI by 1.

Let's have a last look at the Group B Tables:
[code:1:a7de6b445a]
Group B (Day 3) P W D L F A GD T
39 Busby 3 2 0 1 2 2 0 6
07 Total n Utter Insanity 3 1 1 1 3 2 1 4
22 One Red Dot 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
13 Oglethorpia 3 1 0 2 1 3 -2 3
[/code:1:a7de6b445a]

It is so disappointing...4 World Cups...disappear...(snaps finger)...just like that. Anyway, we have news that Alvin Ker is getting ready for WC8 hoping that for one more time, on our 5th try, that we will make it beyond the Group Stage. This is Stu Dyogai speaking. Good Night.

Halfassedstates

18-09-2003, 15:43

When banners with ferrets up half an ass cheek were popping up, the authorities had enough.
OCC: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

An official statement by Ms. Patrica Denn offered her apologies for the poor behaviour of the Dennish people, whom are not known for their rebelious outbursts. She wishes both teams good luck on their way to what she hoped would be a wonderful final.

In repsonse to the statement, Dr.Gee Sput - the Halfassedstates Foreign Minister thanked Dennisov for their support and congratulated them on being the only team to date to have defeated the Halfassed side in normal time in the WC finals.
"Hopefully we can meet in the final next time round" he finished.

Commerce Heights

18-09-2003, 15:58

OOC: Does anybody have a list of match results from all previous WCs? :?

18-09-2003, 16:03

OOC: I drew 2-2 with Ravenspire, but my question is do I go through because of a better head to head record with Dark Outcasts or is down to goal difference ? (In which case I am eliminated.)

Bedistan

18-09-2003, 16:09

OOC: I drew 2-2 with Ravenspire, but my question is do I go through because of a better head to head record with Dark Outcasts or is down to goal difference ? (In which case I am eliminated.)

OOC: It's goal difference. Sorry. :(

To CH: I don't have all the results, but I know I have some from WC5 and 6...lemme check real quick.

Bedistan

18-09-2003, 16:28

CH: Here you go, a whole slew of WC5 and WC6 results (though not all of them):

World Cup 6

Quarterfinals

Quohog 2
Ariddia 1

Brazillico 2
Snub Nose 38 1

Halfassedstates 0
Spaam 0
Spaam wins 3-1 on penalties

Lemmitania 0
Errinundera 1

Semifinals

Quohog 1
Errinundera 1
Extra time: 0-0
Penalty phase 1: 3-3
Penalty phase 2: 3-3
Penalty phase 3: 3-2 (Quohog wins)

Brazillico 3
Spaam 0

Finals

Brazillico defeated Quohog to take the Cup, but I don't remember the score. Also, Spaam defeated Errinundera for 3rd place.

World Cup 5

Qualifying Game 1

Group 1

Chakra 0
Total n Utter Insanity 4

Copiosa Scotia 3
Pandemonius 0

Dyelli Beybi 0
Oglethorpia 0

Europa Brittania 0
Moyk 4

Group 2

Audioslavia 0
Squornshelous 4

Caras Sidh 0
One Red Dot 1

Christofi 2
Hendland 0

Dark Outcasts 3
Halfassedstates 3

Group 3

Ariddia 2
The Belmore Family 2

Bedistan 1
Svecia 3

Deskreich 1
Raidion 1

Gesamtkuntswerk 2
Nova Empyrea 0

Group 4

Haraki 0
Wild Goats 0

Illawarra 1
The Dicepticons 1

Mojave 0
Runaway Moose 1

Muslim Piglets 0
Ravenspire 1

Group 5

Altamira 3
Vthnaar 0

Amerigo 2
Vegimite 3

Errinundera 3
Quercustan 0

Kingsford 1
Pilot 3

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 1
Rivadavia 0

Aural Chaos 3
Quohog 4

Chaos Knights 3
La Darien 3

EuroSoviets 2
Ironchefk 2

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 1
Snub Nose 38 0

City Dog 2
Rhaken Kull 1

Neo-Cosmos 0
Pure Evil 2

Optimal Frequency 3
Pearman 1

Group 8

Agrigento 2
Thurinia 2

Aston Villa 1
The Imperial Navy 2

Dead Man 0
Rebel Elves 3

Lunatic Goofballs 2
Pablicosta 0

Qualifying Game 2

Group 1

Chakra 1
Pandemonius 1

Copiosa Scotia 0
Total n Utter Insanity 0

Dyelli Beybi 1
Moyk 2

Europa Brittania 1
Oglethorpia 2

Group 2

Audioslavia 0
One Red Dot 3

Caras Sidh 0
Squornshelous 0

Christofi 1
Halfassedstates 1

Dark Outcasts 2
Hendland 2

Group 3

Ariddia 2
Svecia 2

Bedistan 1
The Belmore Family 2

Deskreich 2
Nova Empyrea 2

Gesamtkuntswerk 3
Raidion 2

Group 4

Haraki 5
The Dicepticons 1

Illawarra 2
Wild Goats 5

Mojave 1
Ravenspire 2

Muslim Piglets 0
Runaway Moose 1

Group 5

Altamira 2
Vegimite 0

Amerigo 2
Vthnaar 0

Errinundera 1
Pilot 0

Kingsford 2
Quercustan 1

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 0
Quohog 2

Aural Chaos 3
Rivadavia 2

Chaos Knights 1
Ironchefk 2

EuroSoviets 2
La Darien 3

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 0
Rhaken Kull 4

City Dog 2
Snub Nose 38 3

Neo-Cosmos 3
Pearman 4

Optimal Frequency 3
Pure Evil 1

Group 8

Agrigento 2
The Imperial Navy 1

Aston Villa 3
Thurinia 3

Dead Man 3
Pablicosta 4

Lunatic Goofballs 4
Rebel Elves 3

Qualifying Game 3

Group 1

Chakra 2
Oglethorpia 3

Copiosa Scotia 3
Moyk 4

Dyelli Beybi 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2

Europa Brittania 1
Pandemonius 0

Group 2

Audioslavia 0
Hendland 1

Caras Sidh 1
Halfassedstates 2

Christofi 3
Squornshelous 0

Dark Outcasts 0
One Red Dot 2

Group 3

Ariddia 4
Raidion 1

Bedistan 0
Nova Empyrea 0

Deskreich 1
The Belmore Family 1

Gesamtkuntswerk 0
Svecia 5

Group 4

Haraki 2
Runaway Moose 0

Illawarra 1
Ravenspire 1

Mojave 2
Wild Goats 0

Muslim Piglets 4
The Dicepticons 2

Group 5

Altamira 2
Quercustan 1

Amerigo 2
Pilot 2

Errinundera 0
Vthnaar 3

Kingsford 1
Vegimite 3

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 1
La Darien 1

Aural Chaos 4
Ironchefk 1

Chaos Knights 5
Rivadavia 0

EuroSoviets 0
Quohog 3

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 1
Pure Evil 2

City Dog 1
Pearman 3

Neo-Cosmos 2
Snub Nose 38 1

Optimal Frequency 2
Rhaken Kull 2

Group 8

Agrigento 3
Rebel Elves 0

Aston Villa 3
Pablicosta 2

Dead Man 3
Thurinia 1

Lunatic Goofballs 1
The Imperial Navy 0

Qualifying Game 4

Group 1

Chakra 1
Moyk 3

Copiosa Scotia 3
Oglethorpia 4

Dyelli Beybi 4
Pandemonius 2

Europa Brittania 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0

Group 2

Audioslavia 4
Halfassedstates 0

Caras Sidh 2
Hendland 0

Christofi 4
One Red Dot 1

Dark Outcasts 2
Squornshelous 0

Group 3

Ariddia 1
Nova Empyrea 0

Bedistan 2
Raidion 1

Deskreich 2
Svecia 3

Gesamtkuntswerk 2
The Belmore Family 2

Group 4

Haraki 0
Ravenspire 1

Illawarra 0
Runaway Moose 1

Mojave 4
The Dicepticons 1

Muslim Piglets 2
Wild Goats 1

Group 5

Altamira 3
Pilot 2

Amerigo 3
Quercustan 2

Errinundera 3
Vegimite 1

Kingsford 0
Vthnaar 1

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 2
Ironchefk 4

Aural Chaos 3
La Darien 2

Chaos Knights 1
Quohog 3

EuroSoviets 2
Rivadavia 1

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 2
Pearman 2

City Dog 3
Pure Evil 3

Neo-Cosmos 2
Rhaken Kull 2

Optimal Frequency 1
Snub Nose 38 2

Group 8

Agrigento 2
Pablicosta 0

Aston Villa 3
Rebel Elves 1

Dead Man 1
The Imperial Navy 2

Lunatic Goofballs 3
Thurinia 2

Qualifying Game 5

Group 1

Chakra 0
Copiosa Scotia 4

Dyelli Beybi 0
Europa Brittania 2

Moyk 0
Oglethorpia 2

Pandemonius 1
Total n Utter Insanity 2

Group 2

Audioslavia 2
Caras Sidh 1

Christofi 2
Dark Outcasts 3

Halfassedstates 2
Hendland 1

One Red Dot 2
Squornshelous 3

Group 3

Ariddia 2
Bedistan 2

Deskreich 0
Gesamtkuntswerk 3

Nova Empyrea 3
Raidion 3

Svecia 3
The Belmore Family 1

Group 4

Haraki 1
Illawarra 0

Mojave 3
Muslim Piglets 1

Ravenspire 0
Runaway Moose 0

The Dicepticons 2
Wild Goats 1

Group 5

Altamira 4
Amerigo 2

Errinundera 2
Kingsford 0

Pilot 1
Quercustan 0

Vegimite 4
Vthnaar 0

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 2
Aural Chaos 4

Chaos Knights 2
EuroSoviets 1

Ironchefk 2
La Darien 3

Quohog 1
Rivadavia 1

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 2
City Dog 3

Neo-Cosmos 2
Optimal Frequency 3

Pearman 1
Pure Evil 1

Rhaken Kull 1
Snub Nose 38 3

Group 8

Agrigento 0
Aston Villa 2

Dead Man 2
Lunatic Goofballs 1

Pablicosta 1
Rebel Elves 3

The Imperial Navy 2
Thurinia 2

Qualifying Game 6

Group 1

Chakra 1
Europa Brittania 2

Copiosa Scotia 0
Dyelli Beybi 1

Moyk 0
Total n Utter Insanity 2

Oglethorpia 2
Pandemonius 0

Group 2

Audioslavia 3
Dark Outcasts 2

Caras Sidh 1
Christofi 2

Halfassedstates 0
Squornshelous 1

Hendland 3
One Red Dot 4

Group 3

Ariddia 1
Gesamtkuntswerk 2

Bedistan 3
Deskreich 1

Nova Empyrea 4
The Belmore Family 1

Raidion 1
Svecia 3

Group 4

Haraki 2
Muslim Piglets 1

Illawarra 3
Mojave 3

Ravenspire 5
Wild Goats 2

Runaway Moose 1
The Dicepticons 0

Group 5

Altamira 3
Kingsford 3

Amerigo 1
Errinundera 2

Pilot 1
Vthnaar 1

Quercustan 1
Vegimite 2

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 1
EuroSoviets 0

Aural Chaos 4
Chaos Knights 3

Ironchefk 5
Rivadavia 0

La Darien 0
Quohog 2

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 2
Optimal Frequency 2

City Dog 2
Neo-Cosmos 3

Pearman 0
Snub Nose 38 2

Pure Evil 1
Rhaken Kull 0

Group 8

Agrigento 4
Lunatic Goofballs 1

Aston Villa 3
Dead Man 1

Pablicosta 4
Thurinia 5

Rebel Elves 0
The Imperial Navy 1

Qualifying Game 7

Group 1

Chakra 3
Dyelli Beybi 3

Copiosa Scotia 1
Europa Brittania 2

Moyk 1
Pandemonius 1

Oglethorpia 1
Total n Utter Insanity 1

Group 2

Audioslavia 1
Christofi 1

Caras Sidh 1
Dark Outcasts 1

Halfassedstates 1
One Red Dot 3

Hendland 0
Squornshelous 2

Group 3

Ariddia 4
Deskreich 1

Bedistan 1
Gesamtkuntswerk 1

Nova Empyrea 0
Svecia 4

Raidion 2
The Belmore Family 3

Group 4

Haraki 1
Mojave 0

Illawarra 1
Muslim Piglets 5

Ravenspire 1
The Dicepticons 1

Runaway Moose 2
Wild Goats 2

Group 5

Altamira 3
Errinundera 2

Amerigo 1
Kingsford 6

Pilot 2
Vegimite 2

Quercustan 2
Vthnaar 1

Group 6

666 The Heritic State 0
Chaos Knights 1

Aural Chaos 1
EuroSoviets 2

Ironchefk 1
Quohog 0

La Darien 3
Rivadavia 2

Group 7

Alhana Catherine 1
Neo-Cosmos 0

City Dog 3
Optimal Frequency 1

Pearman 1
Rhaken Kull 2

Pure Evil 3
Snub Nose 38 3

Group 8

Agrigento 4
Dead Man 3

Aston Villa 0
Lunatic Goofballs 3

Pablicosta 1
The Imperial Navy 2

Rebel Elves 1
Thurinia 2

Fourth-Place Playoff (to fill Al Quds' vacated seat)

First Round

Moyk 2
Audioslavia 1

Bedistan 3 (in extra time)
Mojave 2

Pilot 2 (won on penalty kicks)
La Darien 2

City Dog 1
The Imperial Navy 2

Second Round

Moyk 1
Bedistan 2

Pilot 1
The Imperial Navy 4

Third Round

Bedistan 3
The Imperial Navy 2

Group Stage (First Round)

(results unavailable)

Second Round

Svecia 1
Runaway Moose 0

Squornshelous 2
Spaam 0

Brazillico 2
Gesamtkuntswerk 1

Oglethorpia 0
Total n Utter Insanity 1

Lemmitania 2
Dennisov 1

Ariddia 2
Lunatic Goofballs 1

Ironchefk 2
Europa Brittania 2 (won 3-2 on penalties)

Giant Zucchini 0
Tanah Burung 1

Quarterfinals

Svecia 1
Squornshelous 0

Brazillico 1
Total n Utter Insanity 0

Lemmitania 2
Ariddia 0

Europa Brittania 2
Tanah Burung 1

Semifinals

Svecia 0
Brazillico 3

Lemmitania 2
Europa Brittania 1

Finals

Championship Match

Brazillico 2
Lemmitania 0

Third Place Match

Svecia 3
Europa Brittania 2

Snub Nose 38

18-09-2003, 16:56

*we are in the lavish formal gardens on the grounds of the expansive new estate of the minister of athletics, olympics, and alcoholic beverages. the gardens remind us of versailles, but on a grander scale. the minister is seated on an elaborately carved marble bench, nestled in a well manicured hedge. the bench faces a fountain featuring a bronze statue of neptune astride a large seashell being pulled rapidly through the waves by four harnessed dolphins. the dolphins are spouting water. on a wheeled mahogany tea-table at the minister’s side is a frosted mug of “38 special”, his cell phone, and his first medal in a little glass case. margaret is sitting on the edge of the fountain, drawing her toes gently back and forth through the water. the hedge encircles the fountain. through the single opening in the hedge we catch a glimpse of the rest of the gardens, and the top of the estate mansion. a peacock walks past the opening in the hedge. An expensive looking portable radio is sitting on the ground next to margaret*

- Didn’t I tell you?
- Didn’t you tell me what?
- “Didn’t you tell me what, your grace?”
- Get over yourself, “your grace”.
- I’m a Duke now, Margaret, and I insist you treat me like one.
- We don’t have dukes. We don’t have knights. We don’t have Counts, or Princes, or any kind of peerage whatsoever. We’re a Republic, dummy. And, didn’t you tell me what?
- Didn’t I tell you that Gil Lemson faked the whole death thing?
- What?
- You were listening to the LRN Broadcast. Grant Rockson.
- What about Grant Rockson?
- He isn’t Grant Rockson.
- Grant Rockson isn’t Grant Rockson? Is that supposed to be a Zen thing, or something?
- It’s Gil, Margaret. Gil Lemson. He’s gone and become his own protégé, and he’s working back at LRN with Clem and the new kid, Glick.
- Were we listening to the same broadcast?
- Well, I was listening. You were washing your toes.
- I’m not washing my toes!
- Look, Gil was toast. He had no chance of ever beating the indictments against him. So, he gets this kid, Glick Masterson, and he cooks up this lame story about a vaporizer and a particle accelerator and “zap” he’s gone. But he’s not. He’s just had plastic surgery or something, and he looks like a young him, and he and the kid planned to split the money from his endorsements and other holdings.
- Gil Lemson thought up an actual plan?
- But he outfoxed himself, Margaret. See, that’s what Clem was on about. In Lemmitania, a death without any remains of the dead causes copyrights to terminate. So, Gil won’t get the endorsements from his copyright on “Dean of Lemmitanian Sports”.
- But, most of his income was from endorsements as the Dean of Lemmitanian Sports!
- Exactly. That’s why Clem is going to pick-up that copyright. Then, since there will be an owner, there will be endorsement cheques. For Gil…er…Grant…
- But, he’ll have to share the money with Clem.
- And Glick.
- But you were wrong about his showing up in a country without extradition with Lemmitania.
- I wasn’t aware of the provision of Lemmitanian law that ends copyrights six months after a death with no remains.
- They can’t possibly get away with this. If he looks like Gil, and acts like Gil, and talks like Gil, and gets wound up in nonsensical misunderstandings like Gil, somebody’s going to notice that he’s Gil.
- Well…not in Lemmitania. Remember, they follow each other over cliffs into the sea. What really fries me is, because he’s popped back up right there in Lemmitania, I can’t figure out how to cut myself in for a piece of the action.
-----------------------------------------
OOC: I love this stuff, Lemmy :wink:

Spaam

18-09-2003, 17:33

OOC: Table updated for the second round of matches, will do the rest later. Have been rather busy lately. http://nswcc.tripod.com/wc7table.html

IC:

Unbeaten Run Comes To An End

Spaam's 11 game unbeaten run in the Main Round has come to and end, with an extremely close 2-3 loss to Ariddia. It looked like Spaam was going to make it 12 games without being beaten until the 87th minute, when Ariddia punctured Spaam's defense, and put the game out of contention. Spaam now plays Snub Nose 38 in the Round of 16. Bookies are favouring Snub Nose, so it remains to be seen whether Spaam produces an upset.

[code:1:e94cde4b75]
Ariddia 3 2 Spaam

R. Ford (24) M. Sëhelin (31)
M. Ford (55) R. Dorth (62)
K. Kim (87)
[/code:1:e94cde4b75]

Audioslavia

18-09-2003, 18:04

Second Round Fixtures:

Bedistan Vs Malundar
Soundgardia National Arena, Cornellby, Audioslavia

Busby Vs Pure Evil
Black Lemur Complex, Machinegrad, Audioslavia

Erriundera Vs Audioslavia
Republic Stadium, Marby, Audioslavia

Runaway Moose Vs TnUI
Lemco City Municipal Stadium, Lemco City, Lemmitania

Svecia Vs Squornshelous
Lemmitania National Stadium, Lemmington, Lemmitania

Ariddia Vs Dark Outcasts
Park Lane, Holloden, Audioslavia

Halfassedstates Vs The Belmore Family
NAA, Soundgrad, Audioslavia

Snub Nose 38 Vs Spaam
Peltier Park, Commerford, Audioslavia

Lemmitania

18-09-2003, 18:05

cincinatti strike-downs for the mega-bowl! awesome!"

In Lemmitania, we spell Cincinnati L-E-M-V-O-O-L-A.

Tanah Burung

18-09-2003, 18:07

TANAH BURUNG CHURCH TIMES

In Burung-yang-membuat-dunia, Bishop Mangunvijaya held a requiem mass for the Crocodiles, who for the second straight Cup failed to advance out of the group stage, and may have now joined other past greats like Europa Britannia, Giant Zucchini, and Dennisov as has-beens. "Our sins have been visited upon our footballers," said the Bishop. "You! Stop it! You're sinning now, aren't you?"

In Burung Paradis, a split in the 24-hour Church of Gil. Some believers say the prophecy -- Gil 'as died, Gil is risen, Gil will come again to collect 'is endorsement cheque -- has been fulfilled dramatically in a live football broadcast from Audioslavia. The 24-hour Church of Gil (Clemist-Rockist) is partying in the streets at the return of Gil. But others are not so sure. "Seems like a pretty half-assed fulfilment," said one follower of the 24-hour Church of Gil (Resurrection Pending). "We're holding out for something with more fireworks. I mean, the complete realization of the central mystery of the faith. Yeah, that's it, the mystery of the faith."

In Tiga Burung, a rousing welcome for the soothsaying women of voodoo, who claim to be responsible for the disastrous showing of top seeds Quohog. In response to the news that Quohog was entering a protest, leader Semauni said: "Sucks to them. And if they're entering a protest, we'd be within our rights to enter a protest against Snub Nose 38. We know they're behind the Crocs failures. We see things, you know." She said the women would be remotely chanting for the evisceration of Pure Evil in the second round. The Crocs defeat by Pure Evil is expected to slow what had been mounting demands for Tanah Burung to make the World Dollar its sole currency for international trade.

In Matebian, a new faith is said to be emerging. There are two poles of good and evil in this world, as we understand this church's teachings. Good is represented by the Dreamed Realms Beyond, site of World Cup 2. Evil resides in the city of Lemmington. The journey of the Crocodiles through the World Cup, then, stands for the literal journey from paradise to hell, for the fall of humanity into a darker state, for continual declein as the natural state of man. All cities on the earth are represented as poles on this good-evil spectrum. This church is demanding that Tanah Burung's vote for the host of WC8 be determined by selecting the city that has the most positive (or "Beyond") energy and the least negative (or "Lemmingtonish") energy. Church members are already taking readings on their evil-meters in potential Cup sites. "Gotta get back some Beyond," said one believer. "Hey. Do you have any Beyond?"

NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup Seven - Errinundera wins championship - Page 3