NationStates Jolt Archive

Dressing in a certain way by itself doesn't make one a slut. Actions come into play as well. Some people however are just judgemental no matter what you do. Nothing you can do about it.

which is what i said. Its all about assumptions

All too sadly how some guys actually use the word..... (I'm hoping you're joking here :p)

Glitz, have you not read any of my other 8,500+ posts on these forums -- well, the ones in General anyway? I'm almost always joking. ;)

If you don't mind me asking, what disability is that?
High functioning autism.

Glitz, have you not read any of my other 8,500+ posts on these forums -- well, the ones in General anyway? I'm almost always joking. ;)

Seriousness is about as overrated as clothes.

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

What I find interesting is that guys want a woman who will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that anyone can POSSIBLY imagine while having sex - but the moment that they hear that a woman they are potentially interested in has ACTUALLY done ANY of those things, she's instantly a "Slut".

How many guys have I met who complain that their wives or girlfriends are complete duds in bed. Well, you didn't marry the "slut" you spent half your life talking snarky about.

Just because a woman dresses a certain way, and really enjoys sex (even with more than one man) does NOT mean anything bad - hell, a man who dresses hot and really enjoys sex is called a "stud" by his fellow men (and a player by most women).

There is no line. Just a line drawn by idiots in their heads.

Are people really still back in the 1950s? Do people actually believe that Kinsey was wrong about marital infidelity being common?

I'll put it this way. In this life, you're either:

1. a celibate with problems
2. a slut
3. or well on your way to being one or the other

This just goes to show how women are so oppressed by society's standards. Cuz if you asked this question to men... its not the same thing. Guys can dress "sexy", but I dunno about "slutty"... does a slutty guy just go around shirtless in his short shorts? Just a thought...

When I said "I wonder about their intentions" I was talking about people who go out of their way to show off their underwear, in fact I think I said "when someone goes out of their way to show off their underwear I wonder about their true intentions" a bra strap that slips or a small amount showing when you lift your arms when you are wearing a sleevless top isn't "out of your way" wearing low cut jeans and pulling up your thong so that it shows is.
That's not the message your posts give. Bear in mind when people have mentioned flashes of bra straps and under bra showing (ie not going out their way to show occasional slippage) you have instructed them on the wonders of safety pining their clothes to their bras. That doesnt sound like not worrying about a bit of slippage to me, quite the contrary.


and you obviously haven't understood what I have said. I don't care what you wear, I don't have any control over what you think of my opinion. I keep it to myself unless I am directly asked,(which I was in this thred) I don't have any control over what you think about what I think, nor is it my responsiblity to make you "comfortable with yourself".
You do have control over your opinion, and when asked you give it and re-enforce the notion that it's fine to start speculating on a female's sexual morals and intentions based on whether or not she has adequately safety pinned her outer clothes to her inner clothes.
The fact is opinions like yours are hurtful, otherwise why would you keep it to yourself at all? Because it's not nice. Dress it up how you like, the fact is the view you are choosing to take based on someone's bra strap is negative, and unnecessary. To me, that's just looking for excuses to pick fault - it's really just judgemental nasty-mindedness. If other people's dress doesnt matter to you, why have a negative opinion about it when there's no reason except any enjoyment you might derive from passing the judgement?

While it's not your job to make me comfortable with myself, why would you happily choose to make people uncomfortable for no reason other than because you can?

You make assumptions that are not based on facts. I hold a lot of unpopular opinions, I treat everyone the same (slight preference for my husband and children though).

I dont believe I make any such assumptions, I certainly dont routinely make assumptions or even speculations about other peoples' sex lives, least of all because their bra strap happened to show. You'll have to be more explicit about these purported assumptions you believe I am making.


I am sorry you feel that way, it's not my problem though, it's yours.
I have to live in this society with the people that are also in it. Their behaviour including their choices with regards to the opinions they hold do have an effect on my society. If I can improve my society by changing one opinion for the better, I'll do so. What I dont understand is why you are so enthusiastic to hold an opinion that makes society a less pleasant place and risks hurting other people when the opinion gains you nothing except any enjoyment you might derive from feeling superior to 'inappropriate dressers'. What is the point of the opinion except that it gives you an opportunity to make negative assumptions about people?

You don't know what I think other than what I have stated, and what I have said is the truth, I do not go around and try to judge people's sex lives based on what they wear.
Really then what intentions were you referring to earlier in the context of the entire thread being about the differentiation between sexiness and sluttiness?

I think if someone is dressed up in lingere to go to the grocery store I assume that their intention is to get attention for what they are wearing, I won't lie about that.

I dont even know why you need to pass such a judgement.

my choice about what I wear isn't any of your concern.
I never suggested otherwise. How ironic. I am suggesting you go a bit easier on the judgements you make about the clothes I wear. Apparently what I wear is your business although you agree with me that your own clothes are not other people's concern.


and I am sorry that you have to deal with that, but maybe you should attend counseling to learn how to brush off people like me.
And how am I to know which are the people like you since you no doubt would smile to my face while speculating that I'm an inappropriate attention seeker?

I am sure it would make your life a little easier.
You have no idea Smunkee, worse you dont even make an attempt at empathy, frankly if your attitude isnt insensitive and overly judgemental, then it's because it's crossed over the border into cruelty.

I have a disease that people don't understand, I have to deal with assholes and idiots all the day long, it keeps me from doing "normal things" but at the end of the day how I feel about myself is on me, it doesn't have anything to do with them.
Well if you really dont care about being socially isolated, about being excluded, about being made to feel on the outside constantly, then you are an exceptional human being. For the large majority of human beings these things do effect how we feel, and not just how we feel about ourselves. Most social higher primates will suffer clinical depression if socially isolated including humans - it's part of our biological heritage and all the new-age 'you dont need anyone as long as you are ok with yourself' talk in the world wont change that fact.

it doesn't pay to wonder, you need to decide what you think about yourself and stick with that, letting other people dictate your feelings is dangerous and unhealthy.
I'm not letting anyone dictate my feelings. As for your advice, quit the amatuer phsycology; your advice is highly inappropriate and directly contradicts the advice of professionals who specialise in my condition.

That's not the message your posts give. Bear in mind when people have mentioned flashes of bra straps and under bra showing (ie not going out their way to show occasional slippage) you have instructed them on the wonders of safety pining their clothes to their bras. That doesnt sound like not worrying about a bit of slippage to me, quite the contrary.
when someone said "but it's impossible not to show it" I felt that it was acceptable for me to advise how to remedy the situation.


You do have control over your opinion, and when asked you give it and re-enforce the notion that it's fine to start speculating on a female's sexual morals and intentions based on whether or not she has adequately safety pinned her outer clothes to her inner clothes.
point to it, quote me, show me where I speculate someone's sexual behavior based on their clothing choices.

The fact is opinions like yours are hurtful, otherwise why would you keep it to yourself at all? Because it's not nice. Dress it up how you like, the fact is the view you are choosing to take based on someone's bra strap is negative, and unnecessary. To me, that's just looking for excuses to pick fault - it's really just judgemental nasty-mindedness. If other people's dress doesnt matter to you, why have a negative opinion about it when there's no reason except any enjoyment you might derive from passing the judgement?

I derive no enjoyment from judgeing other people, most of my opinions and beliefs might hurt someone, the onlyoption to not hurt anyone is to believe nothing, feel nothing, think nothing. I don't plan on going that route.

While it's not your job to make me comfortable with myself, why would you happily choose to make people uncomfortable for no reason other than because you can?
I go out of my way to keep my opinions to myself unless I am asked, in this thred I was asked. If you can't handle someone answering a direct question you have more problems than I do.


I dont believe I make any such assumptions, I certainly dont routinely make assumptions or even speculations about other peoples' sex lives, least of all because their bra strap happened to show. You'll have to be more explicit about these purported assumptions you believe I am making.
I don't make assumptions about people's sex lives based on clothing. You assume that I do because I find certain clothing in certain situations to be inappropriate.


I have to live in this society with the people that are also in it. Their behaviour including their choices with regards to the opinions they hold do have an effect on my society. If I can improve my society by changing one opinion for the better, I'll do so. What I dont understand is why you are so enthusiastic to hold an opinion that makes society a less pleasant place and risks hurting other people when the opinion gains you nothing except any enjoyment you might derive from feeling superior to 'inappropriate dressers'. What is the point of the opinion except that it gives you an opportunity to make negative assumptions about people?

why is your society better if I am not allowed my own opinion just because you don't like it?

Really then what intentions were you referring to earlier in the context of the entire thread being about the differentiation between sexiness and sluttiness?
the intention to wear something to gain attention.


I dont even know why you need to pass such a judgement.
you know you seem pretty judgemental too, in fact moreso, I say "wear what you want" and you say "don't think that, it's mean and bad" what gives you the right to tell me how to think?

I never suggested otherwise. How ironic. I am suggesting you go a bit easier on the judgements you make about the clothes I wear. Apparently what I wear is your business although you agree with me that your own clothes are not other people's concern.
your clothes are of no concern to me. YOU are the one who made this about me attacking you. I said "I don't care what you wear", I am allowed my own opinion which 90% of the time I keep to myself.


And how am I to know which are the people like you since you no doubt would smile to my face while speculating that I'm an inappropriate attention seeker?
why do you care what they speculate?

You have no idea Smunkee, worse you dont even make an attempt at empathy, frankly if your attitude isnt insensitive and overly judgemental, then it's because it's crossed over the border into cruelty.
I am cruel? I am cruel because I admit that I have an opinion that I keep to myself and that I don't think any less of you based on it, that I wouldn't treat you differently, that I don't care what you wear, that I wish to have no control over your life? I am cruel?

Well if you really dont care about being socially isolated, about being excluded, about being made to feel on the outside constantly, then you are an exceptional human being.
I care, it sucks, I don't whine about it, I don't blame other people, I don't tell other people that they are wrong because of my feelings.


For the large majority of human beings these things do effect how we feel, and not just how we feel about ourselves. Most social higher primates will suffer clinical depression if socially isolated including humans - it's part of our biological heritage and all the new-age 'you dont need anyone as long as you are ok with yourself' talk in the world wont change that fact.
letting other people dictate how you feel about yourself is dangerous and unhealthy.

it doesn't pay to wonder, you need to decide what you think about yourself and stick with that, letting other people dictate your feelings is dangerous and unhealthy.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

so i take it that nobody who believes it is meaningful to say that someone is 'dressed slutty' wants to take on my point about entire cultures filled with people wearing grass skirts with no tops at all and penis gourds?

so i take it that nobody who believes it is meaningful to say that someone is 'dressed slutty' wants to take on my point about entire cultures filled with people wearing grass skirts with no tops at all and penis gourds?

http://www.askmen.com/specials/2005_top_99/celebs/93_paris_hilton.jpg
"That's hot."

What I find interesting is that guys want a woman who will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that anyone can POSSIBLY imagine while having sex - but the moment that they hear that a woman they are potentially interested in has ACTUALLY done ANY of those things, she's instantly a "Slut".

It's not just about sex, though. In my school, girls were often labeled as "sluts" even if they were still virgins!

Calling girls "sluts" is like calling them "fat"; these days, those words have little to do with the girl's actual qualities (i.e. whether or not she is sexually promiscuous or actually overweight). Instead, these terms have everything to do with finding a very cutting way to insult and devalue her, because girls are reared to believe that their value lies with a shrink-wrapped hymen and a starved body.


How many guys have I met who complain that their wives or girlfriends are complete duds in bed. Well, you didn't marry the "slut" you spent half your life talking snarky about.

Just because a woman dresses a certain way, and really enjoys sex (even with more than one man) does NOT mean anything bad - hell, a man who dresses hot and really enjoys sex is called a "stud" by his fellow men (and a player by most women).

There is no line. Just a line drawn by idiots in their heads.

Are people really still back in the 1950s? Do people actually believe that Kinsey was wrong about marital infidelity being common?

I'll put it this way. In this life, you're either:

1. a celibate with problems
2. a slut
3. or well on your way to being one or the other
It is pretty funny that women are so often blamed for being sexually "frigid" when their husbands cheat on them. Pretty much every woman's magazine features cover articles about how a woman needs to get freaky with her man in order to keep his attention. Yet, at the same time, women are still endlessly shamed for being sexual. It's not just about the virgin or whore trap, it's about the virgin AND whore trap...women are supposed to some how be both at the same time.

And for hetero boys, how confusing this must be. Find a virgin, they tell you, only a pure girl is good enough for you! And then, when she is (naturally) inexperienced in the ways of sex, cheat on her and justify it by pointing out that she couldn't keep you satisfied! Such is the nature of twoo wuv.

when someone said "but it's impossible not to show it" I felt that it was acceptable for me to advise how to remedy the situation.
Right, which indicates that your concern stretches to actually knowing such information in order to pass it on as advice in the first place.

point to it, quote me, show me where I speculate someone's sexual behavior based on their clothing choices.
Slutty refers to behaviour so far as I know, perhaps you missed the thread title on your way in, or do you mean that inappropriate clothes are sexy?
If you feel the need to back away from the truth of your view, then really what further point is there. You come into a thread asking what is the difference between sexy and slutty and post that showing bra straps is inappropriate....you figure it out.

I derive no enjoyment from judgeing other people, most of my opinions and beliefs might hurt someone, the onlyoption to not hurt anyone is to believe nothing, feel nothing, think nothing. I don't plan on going that route.
Nice straw man. There is no need to have unnecessary negative opinions or no opinion at all. Frankly there doesnt seem any shortage of things to judge people on, so why add unnecessary judgements based on their bra straps?

I go out of my way to keep my opinions to myself unless I am asked, in this thred I was asked. If you can't handle someone answering a direct question you have more problems than I do.
You were not asked if bra straps are inappropriate when visible in public, you were asked what is the difference between sexy and slutty. So either you give this opinion when it hasnt been asked for or we are back to bra strap visible = slutty....

I don't make assumptions about people's sex lives based on clothing. You assume that I do because I find certain clothing in certain situations to be inappropriate.
No, I believe you do because you posted the opinion in the particular context of replying to the question 'what is the difference between sexy and slutty?' I take it you didnt mean to communicate that in your opinion inappropriate and sexy are the same thing. That's not assumption, it is simple logic (deny the disjunct) applied to the facts (the question asked and your response).

why is your society better if I am not allowed my own opinion just because you don't like it?
Careful, you dont want to run out of straw.
No one has suggested you are not allowed your opinion. You have been asked why you would want to hold such an opinion when it consists of nothing more than choosing to make negative assumptions about people just because you can.
You are as entitled to your opinion as anyone, that doesnt mean that every opinion is 'good practise', it doesnt mean I wont change your mind if I can. What it does mean is that you are completely within your rights to choose to find fault with other people just because you can. It's my opinion that doing so makes society a less pleasant place. Perhaps you disagree and think the more negative thoughts and feelings and judgements people make about those they share the world with, the better. That'd be just one more thing we disagree on I guess.

the intention to wear something to gain attention.
Nice try, but you posted it in response to "what's the difference between sexy and slutty", so I'm finding it difficult to believe your apparent disavowel regarding the 'slutty' aspect of the judgement you are passing.
Further I dont believe that it's just getting attention, or do you also pass the same negative judgement on people who have dressed for attention, but have done so in clothes that are appropriate (for instance a super neat, stand out tailored suit intended to make an impression at a job interview or at an industry conference, or at a sales meeting)? I doubt it somehow.

you know you seem pretty judgemental too, in fact moreso, I say "wear what you want" and you say "don't think that, it's mean and bad" what gives you the right to tell me how to think?
There is a difference between passing a judgement on something that doesnt concern you, (how someone dresses) and passing a judgement on something that does concern you (how people are judging you). What next, I'm a bigot because I disapprove of racism?
Again I have not told you what to think, I have criticised your decision to make unnecessary negative judgements about things that dont involve you directly. My clothes dont involve you unless you choose to start judging them, and by implication judging me. You judging me does concern me directly whether I want it to or not. The difference is other people's clothes dont involve you, but rather you choose to involve yourself by choosing to judge. When you judge other people, you have involved them, whether or not they know it - they are the referent of th judgement, ergo they are involved.

your clothes are of no concern to me. YOU are the one who made this about me attacking you. I said "I don't care what you wear", I am allowed my own opinion which 90% of the time I keep to myself.
It's not about you attacking me Smunkee, it's about your choice. You think it's fine to judge people because of what they choose to wear, so why are your choices any less open to criticism?

why do you care what they speculate?
Because I'm a human being who needs must achieve a minimum level of social-functionality in order to have anything resembling a meaningful life, and such functionality requires insight into the thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs of others.

I am cruel? I am cruel because I admit that I have an opinion that I keep to myself and that I don't think any less of you based on it, that I wouldn't treat you differently, that I don't care what you wear, that I wish to have no control over your life? I am cruel?
As far as I am concerned it is an act of cruelty to choose to have negative opinions/attitudes/feelings about other people/peoples' actions unnecessarily. To me if someone is doing and meaning no harm whatsoever, negative assesments/opinions etc about them are unnecessary and therefore cruel.

I care, it sucks, I don't whine about it, I don't blame other people, I don't tell other people that they are wrong because of my feelings.
Where have I told anyone they are wrong? Funny how you feel find judging others based on something that isnt in regard to yourself, but feel that even when your choices are in regard to others (for instance your choices about judgements you pass on others) that it's an infringement for others to pass judgement...
What I dont do is give-up without trying - I have no intention of making you think anything, but neither do I have any intention of not even bothering to let you know that I find your opinion inappropriate. You are entitled to have your opinion, and to voice it. I'm entitled to criticise it and to hope that you might change it. If you're allowed to whine about people's clothes (or is criticism only whining when it's not you doing it?), and whine about people objecting to your whining about their clothes, then why cant I whine about your whining? I see no reason why not...

letting other people dictate how you feel about yourself is dangerous and unhealthy.
Out of straw yet? I'll repeat myself, I dont let other people dictate my feelings.

it doesn't pay to wonder, you need to decide what you think about yourself and stick with that, letting other people dictate your feelings is dangerous and unhealthy.
I'll take the view of qualified professionals along with my own empiracal experiances over your attempts at amatuer phsycology. And again I'll repeat myself, I dont let other people dictate my feelings.

It is pretty funny that women are so often blamed for being sexually "frigid" when their husbands cheat on them. Pretty much every woman's magazine features cover articles about how a woman needs to get freaky with her man in order to keep his attention. Yet, at the same time, women are still endlessly shamed for being sexual. It's not just about the virgin or whore trap, it's about the virgin AND whore trap...women are supposed to some how be both at the same time.


My wife likes sex. I like sex. We both like A LOT of sex.

So we both have LOTS of sex - including with other people.

We're completely honest about it all. We are in the same room at the same time doing this.

Life would be more like that if people could get off the "ownership" thing that the virgin/slut thing implies.

If it isn't slutty, you're doing something wrong. :)

I don't dress too slutty as a guy, but friends have told me my preference in outdits I would wear were I female are ultra-slutty. :confused: I don't see what is wrong in showing some flesh though...as long as you're hot enough.

Life would be more like that if people could get off the "ownership" thing that the virgin/slut thing implies.
No joke. All the "you poke it, you own it" crap is 90% of the problem with modern sexual relationships. It's like teaching boys that they are just dogs pissing on trees to mark their territory, only it's spooge and vaginas.

I think it's as insulting to men as it is to women, since it implies that all males are insecure little cry-babies whose penises shrivvel away at the mere thought of an independent and sexually-aggressive female.

No joke. All the "you poke it, you own it" crap is 90% of the problem with modern sexual relationships. It's like teaching boys that they are just dogs pissing on trees to mark their territory, only it's spooge and vaginas.

I think it's as insulting to men as it is to women, since it implies that all males are insecure little cry-babies whose penises shrivvel away at the mere thought of an independent and sexually-aggressive female.

Yeah. Mine actually does quite the opposite.

Yeah. Mine actually does quite the opposite.

Sure seems so, considering that you just blew one of your allotted annual 10 posts on this. :p

Glitz, have you not read any of my other 8,500+ posts on these forums -- well, the ones in General anyway? I'm almost always joking. ;)
Joking, flirting, or posting images.:p
Seriousness is about as overrated as clothes.
Not in my case:p
What I find interesting is that guys want a woman who will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that anyone can POSSIBLY imagine while having sex - but the moment that they hear that a woman they are potentially interested in has ACTUALLY done ANY of those things, she's instantly a "Slut".

How many guys have I met who complain that their wives or girlfriends are complete duds in bed. Well, you didn't marry the "slut" you spent half your life talking snarky about.

Just because a woman dresses a certain way, and really enjoys sex (even with more than one man) does NOT mean anything bad - hell, a man who dresses hot and really enjoys sex is called a "stud" by his fellow men (and a player by most women).

There is no line. Just a line drawn by idiots in their heads.

Are people really still back in the 1950s? Do people actually believe that Kinsey was wrong about marital infidelity being common?

I'll put it this way. In this life, you're either:

1. a celibate with problems
2. a slut
3. or well on your way to being one or the other
I'm a celibate with problems....:(
~photosnip!
"That's hot."
*wretches*
Please don't post that again. I nearly vomitted....and I'm in a library. Show a little respect please.:(
It's not just about sex, though. In my school, girls were often labeled as "sluts" even if they were still virgins!

Calling girls "sluts" is like calling them "fat"; these days, those words have little to do with the girl's actual qualities (i.e. whether or not she is sexually promiscuous or actually overweight). Instead, these terms have everything to do with finding a very cutting way to insult and devalue her, because girls are reared to believe that their value lies with a shrink-wrapped hymen and a starved body.


It is pretty funny that women are so often blamed for being sexually "frigid" when their husbands cheat on them. Pretty much every woman's magazine features cover articles about how a woman needs to get freaky with her man in order to keep his attention. Yet, at the same time, women are still endlessly shamed for being sexual. It's not just about the virgin or whore trap, it's about the virgin AND whore trap...women are supposed to some how be both at the same time.

And for hetero boys, how confusing this must be. Find a virgin, they tell you, only a pure girl is good enough for you! And then, when she is (naturally) inexperienced in the ways of sex, cheat on her and justify it by pointing out that she couldn't keep you satisfied! Such is the nature of twoo wuv.
I love you.:):p
No joke. All the "you poke it, you own it" crap is 90% of the problem with modern sexual relationships. It's like teaching boys that they are just dogs pissing on trees to mark their territory, only it's spooge and vaginas.

I think it's as insulting to men as it is to women, since it implies that all males are insecure little cry-babies whose penises shrivvel away at the mere thought of an independent and sexually-aggressive female.
I agree. And I think it's ridiculous. I mean, I'm an insecure little cry-baby whose penis extends at the mere thought of an independent, sexually aggressive female.:p I don't think I could ever be promiscuous, with multiple partners at any rate (I'm too clingy), but I wouldn't hold it against a woman who was. That's just a difference of sexual preferences, really.
Yeah. Mine actually does quite the opposite.
Just ;)



:p

Sure seems so, considering that you just blew one of your allotted annual 10 posts on this. :p

I think he must have been referring directly to you.;):p

Sure seems so, considering that you just blew one of your allotted annual 10 posts on this. :p

It's a dozen posts annually, actually. And I'm thinking of upping that number to a hundred. :p

I'll be a bit of a post-slut, but that's the price you pay for getting out there. ;)

The line is different with each and every girl. It's tough to tell. It has a lot to do with their own looks and their own attitude.

It's a dozen posts annually, actually. And I'm thinking of upping that number to a hundred. :p

I'll be a bit of a post-slut, but that's the price you pay for getting out there. ;)

THAT's what you call being a post-slut!?:eek:

*weeps in the corner, feeling dirty and ashamed*
:p

Glitz, have you not read any of my other 8,500+ posts on these forums -- well, the ones in General anyway? I'm almost always joking. ;)
Hehe, I know :p Just checking - there could be the chance for me to go off on one about how much that view point pisses me off! I wouldn't want to miss that! :P

Seriousness is about as overrated as clothes.
Heh... oh, the jokes I could make about those both disappearing very fast when around PM....

What I find interesting is that guys want a woman who will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that anyone can POSSIBLY imagine while having sex - but the moment that they hear that a woman they are potentially interested in has ACTUALLY done ANY of those things, she's instantly a "Slut".

How many guys have I met who complain that their wives or girlfriends are complete duds in bed. Well, you didn't marry the "slut" you spent half your life talking snarky about.

Just because a woman dresses a certain way, and really enjoys sex (even with more than one man) does NOT mean anything bad - hell, a man who dresses hot and really enjoys sex is called a "stud" by his fellow men (and a player by most women).
God, I hate that kind of thing. Especially when it seems like they'll want someone who does all those things for/with them... but can't actually enjoy it or want it, be openly enthusiastic with others about the sex, do it with anyone else, or really have any freedom over their actions. They just seem to want someone who'll submit to whatever the hell they like, and be totally under their control (perhaps desireable in a pretend way, but in reality that kind of relationship makes me shudder).

Why is is that a guy who doesn't enjoy sex, and a girl who does enjoy sex are seen as abnormal? Any girl who likes sex is made to seem like some OTT, cosmo-reading, "sexually liberated" (used derogatively usually to mean slutty and immoral), extroverted, TMI-giving, feminazi type woman. Crazy.

And really, everyone's missing out. Noone gets to enjoy sex (apart from guys who like their girlfriends to be meek and powerless and unethusiastic about sex) because the girls have to hide any enthusiasm, and the guys judge any girl with enthusiasm as a slut and avoid them.
(I'm wonderfully happy to be in a relationship where expression of enjoyment in sex is plentiful...)

Just to note, I'm not saying all guys are like this, or all relationships are like this, but it is prevalent enough to be commented on. ("They" = guys who act this way.)

I think in many cases, a guy may be forced into making these judgements, because the vast majority of men don't want a proper girlfriend (one-night stands would be fine I'm sure) who is seen as "slutty" or "easy", because they want to be proud of who they're with. Even if they can see past that kind of thing, or are willing to get to know the person, they may not want to be with someone who has the stigma of being "slutty".

I think he must have been referring directly to you.;):p
Of course. And before I even posted in this thread. Such is the reputation that preceeds me. :rolleyes: :p

It's a dozen posts annually, actually. And I'm thinking of upping that number to a hundred. :p

I'll be a bit of a post-slut, but that's the price you pay for getting out there. ;)
:eek: Four more for the rest of the year? Why, that's one for each month and another for September! (Which is lucky, considering you wasted the other one on the very first day of the month.)

And nobody says you have to become a post-slut. Maybe post-sexy would be enough, eh? You know how some people are...

Hehe, I know :p Just checking - there could be the chance for me to go off on one about how much that view point pisses me off! I wouldn't want to miss that! :P


Heh... oh, the jokes I could make about those both disappearing very fast when around PM....


God, I hate that kind of thing. Especially when it seems like they'll want someone who does all those things for/with them... but can't actually enjoy it or want it, be openly enthusiastic with others about the sex, do it with anyone else, or really have any freedom over their actions. They just seem to want someone who'll submit to whatever the hell they like, and be totally under their control (perhaps desireable in a pretend way, but in reality that kind of relationship makes me shudder).

Why is is that a guy who doesn't enjoy sex, and a girl who does enjoy sex are seen as abnormal? Any girl who likes sex is made to seem like some OTT, cosmo-reading, "sexually liberated" (used derogatively usually to mean slutty and immoral), extroverted, TMI-giving, feminazi type woman. Crazy.

And really, everyone's missing out. Noone gets to enjoy sex (apart from guys who like their girlfriends to be meek and powerless and unethusiastic about sex) because the girls have to hide any enthusiasm, and the guys judge any girl with enthusiasm as a slut and avoid them.
(I'm wonderfully happy to be in a relationship where expression of enjoyment in sex is plentiful...)

Just to note, I'm not saying all guys are like this, or all relationships are like this, but it is prevalent enough to be commented on. ("They" = guys who act this way.)

I think in many cases, a guy may be forced into making these judgements, because the vast majority of men don't want a proper girlfriend (one-night stands would be fine I'm sure) who is seen as "slutty" or "easy", because they want to be proud of who they're with. Even if they can see past that kind of thing, or are willing to get to know the person, they may not want to be with someone who has the stigma of being "slutty".
I'll class myself as an exception to all the negative stuff you just said, if you don't mind....

THAT's what you call being a post-slut!?:eek:

*weeps in the corner, feeling dirty and ashamed*
:p

There, there. Just pass it off as valuable experience and you'll be fine. ;)

Of course. And before I even posted in this thread. Such is the reputation that preceeds me. :rolleyes: :p
It does, actually. Until I ran across you for the first time, I always wondered just about whom Straughn and Ruffy couldn't stop speaking.:D:p
:eek: Four more for the rest of the year? Why, that's one for each month and another for September! (Which is lucky, considering you wasted the other one on the very first day of the month.)

And nobody says you have to become a post-slut. Maybe post-sexy would be enough, eh? You know how some people are...

I'll be vain and presume you're referring to me and my...posting techniques.;):p

:eek: Four more for the rest of the year? Why, that's one for each month and another for September! (Which is lucky, considering you wasted the other one on the very first day of the month.)

And nobody says you have to become a post-slut. Maybe post-sexy would be enough, eh? You know how some people are...

True. Maybe I should show off the goods but not actually use them. ;)

There, there. Just pass it off as valuable experience and you'll be fine. ;)

Tell that to WYTYG.:p

What I find interesting is that guys want a woman who will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that anyone can POSSIBLY imagine while having sex - but the moment that they hear that a woman they are potentially interested in has ACTUALLY done ANY of those things, she's instantly a "Slut".

How many guys have I met who complain that their wives or girlfriends are complete duds in bed. Well, you didn't marry the "slut" you spent half your life talking snarky about.

Just because a woman dresses a certain way, and really enjoys sex (even with more than one man) does NOT mean anything bad - hell, a man who dresses hot and really enjoys sex is called a "stud" by his fellow men (and a player by most women).

There is no line. Just a line drawn by idiots in their heads.

Are people really still back in the 1950s? Do people actually believe that Kinsey was wrong about marital infidelity being common?

I'll put it this way. In this life, you're either:

1. a celibate with problems
2. a slut
3. or well on your way to being one or the other

It's not just about sex, though. In my school, girls were often labeled as "sluts" even if they were still virgins!

Calling girls "sluts" is like calling them "fat"; these days, those words have little to do with the girl's actual qualities (i.e. whether or not she is sexually promiscuous or actually overweight). Instead, these terms have everything to do with finding a very cutting way to insult and devalue her, because girls are reared to believe that their value lies with a shrink-wrapped hymen and a starved body.


It is pretty funny that women are so often blamed for being sexually "frigid" when their husbands cheat on them. Pretty much every woman's magazine features cover articles about how a woman needs to get freaky with her man in order to keep his attention. Yet, at the same time, women are still endlessly shamed for being sexual. It's not just about the virgin or whore trap, it's about the virgin AND whore trap...women are supposed to some how be both at the same time.

And for hetero boys, how confusing this must be. Find a virgin, they tell you, only a pure girl is good enough for you! And then, when she is (naturally) inexperienced in the ways of sex, cheat on her and justify it by pointing out that she couldn't keep you satisfied! Such is the nature of twoo wuv.

Hehe, I know :p Just checking - there could be the chance for me to go off on one about how much that view point pisses me off! I wouldn't want to miss that! :P


Heh... oh, the jokes I could make about those both disappearing very fast when around PM....


God, I hate that kind of thing. Especially when it seems like they'll want someone who does all those things for/with them... but can't actually enjoy it or want it, be openly enthusiastic with others about the sex, do it with anyone else, or really have any freedom over their actions. They just seem to want someone who'll submit to whatever the hell they like, and be totally under their control (perhaps desireable in a pretend way, but in reality that kind of relationship makes me shudder).

Why is is that a guy who doesn't enjoy sex, and a girl who does enjoy sex are seen as abnormal? Any girl who likes sex is made to seem like some OTT, cosmo-reading, "sexually liberated" (used derogatively usually to mean slutty and immoral), extroverted, TMI-giving, feminazi type woman. Crazy.

And really, everyone's missing out. Noone gets to enjoy sex (apart from guys who like their girlfriends to be meek and powerless and unethusiastic about sex) because the girls have to hide any enthusiasm, and the guys judge any girl with enthusiasm as a slut and avoid them.
(I'm wonderfully happy to be in a relationship where expression of enjoyment in sex is plentiful...)

Just to note, I'm not saying all guys are like this, or all relationships are like this, but it is prevalent enough to be commented on. ("They" = guys who act this way.)

I think in many cases, a guy may be forced into making these judgements, because the vast majority of men don't want a proper girlfriend (one-night stands would be fine I'm sure) who is seen as "slutty" or "easy", because they want to be proud of who they're with. Even if they can see past that kind of thing, or are willing to get to know the person, they may not want to be with someone who has the stigma of being "slutty".

Sorry if I went overboard with the long quotes, but these three posts really pretty much say it all, IMO.

All the schizophrenic aspects of this whole discussion captured perfectly.

It does, actually. Until I ran across you for the first time, I always wondered just about whom Straughn and Ruffy couldn't stop speaking.:D:p Oh. Okay. <.<
I'll be vain and presume you're referring to me and my...posting techniques.;):p Well, thank the powers that be for multi-quotes - your technique has gotten a whole lot better.

True. Maybe I should show off the goods but not actually use them. ;) Considering how you're practically hogging the thread at this point, I'd say it's already too late. :p ;) This way, you're not even going to make it to next week, let alone 2007.

Oh. Okay. <.<
It was the diction, wasn't it?:( I tend to have pretty awkward, unconventional diction sometimes....
Well, thank the powers that be for multi-quotes - your technique has gotten a whole lot better.
Thank you. I do try now, ya know!:) Now that it's easy, that is.:p

Considering how you're practically hogging the thread at this point, I'd say it's already too late. :p ;) This way, you're not even going to make it to next week, let alone 2007.

Perhaps I simply need to accept my post-slut status in forum society and come to terms with my open postality.

Perhaps I simply need to accept my post-slut status in forum society and come to terms with my open postality.
But... but... what if you don't like it out here in the open? What if people are mean to you and you want nothing more than to be back behind your lurker's bushes? What if you dream you're standing naked in the middle of the forum and people are pointing and laughing until you cry?

Then I will forever be guilty of not only talking to you but also inadvertantly talking you into a coming out.

I'm not sure I could live with that. :(

Perhaps I simply need to accept my post-slut status in forum society and come to terms with my open postality.

Is this a permanent change, then?:p

Sorry if I went overboard with the long quotes, but these three posts really pretty much say it all, IMO.

All the schizophrenic aspects of this whole discussion captured perfectly.
Heh, so often I read posts that make me think "exactly!" and save me from having to ramble, so I'm glad to be able to do the same for you :P

I'll class myself as an exception to all the negative stuff you just said, if you don't mind....
Well, of course! :P
I wouldn't even necessarily say that it's a majority with exceptions. I don't know the statistics, and either way, I only comment on it because it's a significant enough problem. I'll still give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and the chance to be judged as an individual.

But... but... what if you don't like it out here in the open? What if people are mean to you and you want nothing more than to be back behind your lurker's bushes? What if you dream you're standing naked in the middle of the forum and people are pointing and laughing until you cry?

Then I will forever be guilty of not only talking to you but also inadvertantly talking you into a coming out.

I'm not sure I could live with that. :(

You do make stuff like that happen to the rest of us all the time, so what's the problem now?:p

Well, of course! :P
I wouldn't even necessarily say that it's a majority with exceptions. I don't know the statistics, and either way, I only comment on it because it's a significant enough problem. I'll still give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and the chance to be judged as an individual.

Or maybe the exceptions are the majority? It doesn't matter. You agreed, and that's all that counts!:D

*refrains from doing a happy dance on account of dignity*:p

Perhaps I simply need to accept my post-slut status in forum society and come to terms with my open postality.

Don't you know, nowadays ALL women are sluts! MTV proves it doesn't it? :p

Not to mention spring break! :eek:

And Britney Spears...

http://www.wallpaperbase.com/wallpapers/celebs/britneyspears/britney_spears_11.jpg

Heh, so often I read posts that make me think "exactly!" and save me from having to ramble, so I'm glad to be able to do the same for you :P
Yeah, absolutely. Especially with this topic. It has come up a lot before, and I always have trouble putting all the billions of things I want to say on the matter into a post. I'm wordy enough as it is, the damage I would inflict with a post trying to capture all the aspects of this screwed up double standard bullshit would be terrible. :p

So I stay away from the topic. Unless I'm drawn in by some silly post and luckily find that, on the last two pages, everything worth saying has in fact been said. :)

You do make stuff like that happen to the rest of us all the time, so what's the problem now?:p Are you saying I make men gay? :eek: I never knew that was me!

WYTYG's hat is soooo prudish.

Or maybe the exceptions are the majority? It doesn't matter. You agreed, and that's all that counts!:D

*refrains from doing a happy dance on account of dignity*:p
*pats on head, happy dance or not*
plus a fluffle, just for sounding sweet :fluffle:

I do happy dances all the time!! Does that mean you see me as undignified? :(:p

Yeah, absolutely. Especially with this topic. It has come up a lot before, and I always have trouble putting all the billions of things I want to say on the matter into a post. I'm wordy enough as it is, the damage I would inflict with a post trying to capture all the aspects of this screwed up double standard bullshit would be terrible. :p

So I stay away from the topic. Unless I'm drawn in by some silly post and luckily find that, on the last two pages, everything worth saying has in fact been said. :)
Huzzah for silly posts!:D
Are you saying I make men gay? :eek: I never knew that was me![/QUOTE]
:eek: What!? No!!1! Unless being intellectually...stimulated by you is gay?:confused: I'm pretty sure I just meant you tend to...wait...what did I mean? Well, whatever the case, it's an honor and a pleasure to spa...er, post with you....or something....:confused::p

*pats on head, happy dance or not*
plus a fluffle, just for sounding sweet :fluffle:

I do happy dances all the time!! Does that mean you see me as undignified? :(:p

:D
Sounding sweet? Me, of all posters?good angel smiley]:p

Let's just say that dignity certainly isn't one of your inhibitions.;)

Yeah, absolutely. Especially with this topic. It has come up a lot before, and I always have trouble putting all the billions of things I want to say on the matter into a post. I'm wordy enough as it is, the damage I would inflict with a post trying to capture all the aspects of this screwed up double standard bullshit would be terrible. :p

So I stay away from the topic. Unless I'm drawn in by some silly post and luckily find that, on the last two pages, everything worth saying has in fact been said. :)
I think I definitly fit the quality of being wordy, yet seemingly don't cause too much damage with my posts :p

I do find Bottle is someone who I often have this with. Especially in topics like this, I always find her summing things up perfectly. Of course, sometimes I just can't help being dragged in anyway..... :p

WYTYG's hat is soooo prudish.
You draw it, you deal with it. Suck that. :)

:D
Sounding sweet? Me, of all posters?good angel smiley]:p

Let's just say that dignity certainly isn't one of your inhibitions.;)
Of course! There's something about you that makes me smile....

Haha, okay, I can't really disagree :p Dignity is so overrated... sillyness and an ability to laugh at yourself and have fun and be open are so much better!! Well, some dignity in moving gracefully would be nice I suppose...

You draw it, you deal with it. Suck that. :)

Oh put that in your pipe and smoke it!

But... but... what if you don't like it out here in the open? What if people are mean to you and you want nothing more than to be back behind your lurker's bushes? What if you dream you're standing naked in the middle of the forum and people are pointing and laughing until you cry?

Then I will forever be guilty of not only talking to you but also inadvertantly talking you into a coming out.

I'm not sure I could live with that. :(

No, you've done me a favor. The pain is worth being honest with myself and the world.

WYTYG's hat is soooo prudish.

People still wear hats?

People still wear hats?

I tink dem blubberals does ther.

Of course! There's something about you that makes me smile....

Haha, okay, I can't really disagree :p Dignity is so overrated... sillyness and an ability to laugh at yourself and have fun and be open are so much better!! Well, some dignity in moving gracefully would be nice I suppose...
Is there? I'm flattered. But you can't quite put your finger on it, can you?

I couldn't know. I've got all sorts of dignity; although I can be rather silly and laugh at myself, I have plenty of dignity inhibiting me.
People still wear hats?

"Matter is energy, and people aren't wearing enough hats." ~ The Meaning of Life:p

No, you've done me a favor. The pain is worth being honest with myself and the world.
Your pain our ours if you turn out to be a new überspammer?

Your pain our ours if you turn out to be a new überspammer?

That depends on his technique.:D:p

That depends on his technique.:D:p
Well, he can't really be any worse than you (were), so there.

Well, he can't really be any worse than you (were), so there.

Does that imply that I have a good technique? [/sleazy]:p

Right, which indicates that your concern stretches to actually knowing such information in order to pass it on as advice in the first place.


Slutty refers to behaviour so far as I know, perhaps you missed the thread title on your way in, or do you mean that inappropriate clothes are sexy?
If you feel the need to back away from the truth of your view, then really what further point is there. You come into a thread asking what is the difference between sexy and slutty and post that showing bra straps is inappropriate....you figure it out.

Nice straw man. There is no need to have unnecessary negative opinions or no opinion at all. Frankly there doesnt seem any shortage of things to judge people on, so why add unnecessary judgements based on their bra straps?


You were not asked if bra straps are inappropriate when visible in public, you were asked what is the difference between sexy and slutty. So either you give this opinion when it hasnt been asked for or we are back to bra strap visible = slutty....

No, I believe you do because you posted the opinion in the particular context of replying to the question 'what is the difference between sexy and slutty?' I take it you didnt mean to communicate that in your opinion inappropriate and sexy are the same thing. That's not assumption, it is simple logic (deny the disjunct) applied to the facts (the question asked and your response).

Careful, you dont want to run out of straw.
No one has suggested you are not allowed your opinion. You have been asked why you would want to hold such an opinion when it consists of nothing more than choosing to make negative assumptions about people just because you can.
You are as entitled to your opinion as anyone, that doesnt mean that every opinion is 'good practise', it doesnt mean I wont change your mind if I can. What it does mean is that you are completely within your rights to choose to find fault with other people just because you can. It's my opinion that doing so makes society a less pleasant place. Perhaps you disagree and think the more negative thoughts and feelings and judgements people make about those they share the world with, the better. That'd be just one more thing we disagree on I guess.
Nice try, but you posted it in response to "what's the difference between sexy and slutty", so I'm finding it difficult to believe your apparent disavowel regarding the 'slutty' aspect of the judgement you are passing.
Further I dont believe that it's just getting attention, or do you also pass the same negative judgement on people who have dressed for attention, but have done so in clothes that are appropriate (for instance a super neat, stand out tailored suit intended to make an impression at a job interview or at an industry conference, or at a sales meeting)? I doubt it somehow.

There is a difference between passing a judgement on something that doesnt concern you, (how someone dresses) and passing a judgement on something that does concern you (how people are judging you). What next, I'm a bigot because I disapprove of racism?
Again I have not told you what to think, I have criticised your decision to make unnecessary negative judgements about things that dont involve you directly. My clothes dont involve you unless you choose to start judging them, and by implication judging me. You judging me does concern me directly whether I want it to or not. The difference is other people's clothes dont involve you, but rather you choose to involve yourself by choosing to judge. When you judge other people, you have involved them, whether or not they know it - they are the referent of th judgement, ergo they are involved.
It's not about you attacking me Smunkee, it's about your choice. You think it's fine to judge people because of what they choose to wear, so why are your choices any less open to criticism?

Because I'm a human being who needs must achieve a minimum level of social-functionality in order to have anything resembling a meaningful life, and such functionality requires insight into the thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs of others.

As far as I am concerned it is an act of cruelty to choose to have negative opinions/attitudes/feelings about other people/peoples' actions unnecessarily. To me if someone is doing and meaning no harm whatsoever, negative assesments/opinions etc about them are unnecessary and therefore cruel.


Where have I told anyone they are wrong? Funny how you feel find judging others based on something that isnt in regard to yourself, but feel that even when your choices are in regard to others (for instance your choices about judgements you pass on others) that it's an infringement for others to pass judgement...
What I dont do is give-up without trying - I have no intention of making you think anything, but neither do I have any intention of not even bothering to let you know that I find your opinion inappropriate. You are entitled to have your opinion, and to voice it. I'm entitled to criticise it and to hope that you might change it. If you're allowed to whine about people's clothes (or is criticism only whining when it's not you doing it?), and whine about people objecting to your whining about their clothes, then why cant I whine about your whining? I see no reason why not...


Out of straw yet? I'll repeat myself, I dont let other people dictate my feelings.


I'll take the view of qualified professionals along with my own empiracal experiances over your attempts at amatuer phsycology. And again I'll repeat myself, I dont let other people dictate my feelings.

you know, I am so done with you. You say my opinion is wrong because it "hurts your feelings"

I don't care.

You are going to run around and bitch about how someone is saying something you find "hurtful" and demand that they change their opinion for "the better" (better meaning agree with you) and then go off and accuse me of poor debating when I have said time and again

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WEAR

then whatever.

My opinion is my own, I am not trying to make anyone else do anything, you are the one trying to control what someone else says and does......and that's wrong.

If by the way you think that you are not judgemental you are wrong, you are, everyone is judgemental, everyone has a line, everyone has things they find acceptable and unacceptable and that's just the way life is. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to agree, but saying that someone is wrong for having an opinion is just stupid.

Does that imply that I have a good technique? [/sleazy]:p

I wasn't aware you have a technique. :p

Your pain our ours if you turn out to be a new überspammer?

I'm not quite that slutty. And I'd probably count as an old spammer, anyway.

you know, I am so done with you. You say my opinion is wrong because it "hurts your feelings"

I don't care.

You are going to run around and bitch about how someone is saying something you find "hurtful" and demand that they change their opinion for "the better" (better meaning agree with you) and then go off and accuse me of poor debating when I have said time and again

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WEAR

then whatever.

My opinion is my own, I am not trying to make anyone else do anything, you are the one trying to control what someone else says and does......and that's wrong.

If by the way you think that you are not judgemental you are wrong, you are, everyone is judgemental, everyone has a line, everyone has things they find acceptable and unacceptable and that's just the way life is. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to agree, but saying that someone is wrong for having an opinion is just stupid.
And I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for making such a strong insinuation, even if I did mean it to be taken more literally in the context. It was completly uncouth, and I humbly ask your forgiveness.

I wasn't aware you have a technique. :p

Sure I do. I just haven't had the chance to test it out yet.;)

And I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for making such a strong insinuation, even if I did mean it to be taken more literally in the context. It was completly uncouth, and I humbly ask your forgiveness.

what in the hell are you talking about?:confused: :p

what in the hell are you talking about?:confused: :p

I'll take that as granted, then.;):)

I'll take that as granted, then.;):)

I doubt that I could be mad at you btw.........in case you want to take advantage of that you know?

I doubt that I could be mad at you btw.........in case you want to take advantage of that you know?

Oh? Is that because you aren't easy to anger? Or is it something else?

Maybe I take advantage a little too much sometimes....;)

Oh? Is that because you aren't easy to anger? Or is it something else?

Maybe I take advantage a little too much sometimes....;)

I am not generally easy to anger, some people just piss me off, it's a problem with my personality I suppose.

I am not generally easy to anger, some people just piss me off, it's a problem with my personality I suppose.

And I don't anger you outright? Yay!:D

And I don't anger you outright? Yay!:D

I have only met two people in my entire life that piss me off both consistently and with little effort and you aren't one of them. ;)

One is dead (not by my hand) and the other lurks around here, but luckily hasn't been in this thred.

I have only met two people in my entire life that piss me off both consistently and with little effort and you aren't one of them. ;)

One is dead (not by my hand) and the other lurks around here, but luckily hasn't been in this thred.

Aww!:( Do I at least qualify for little effort?*looks hopeful*
*checks food for poison*:p

Is there? I'm flattered. But you can't quite put your finger on it, can you?

I couldn't know. I've got all sorts of dignity; although I can be rather silly and laugh at myself, I have plenty of dignity inhibiting me.
Nope, but it's there, and I like it, and the mystery makes you intruiging....

Damn you...

Nope, but it's there, and I like it, and the mystery makes you intruiging....

Damn you...

Heh. It seems no one can quite identify it, but seem to know it's there. And I keep the air of mystery because there's nothing else about me that's interesting in the slightest.:p

LOL Just take it in the spirit in which it is given;).....oh, that's the problem, isn't it? You don't know what spirit that was.:D:p

Heh. It seems no one can quite identify it, but seem to know it's there. And I keep the air of mystery because there's nothing else about me that's interesting in the slightest.:p

LOL Just take it in the spirit in which it is given;).....oh, that's the problem, isn't it? You don't know what spirit that was.:D:p
Shush you :fluffle:

I never do! Again I say.... damn you...

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

I haven't read through the rest of the replies, but judging from the attitudes of a lot of peopkle today in relation to the "topic" of "sluts", I doubt many would justifiy a response anyway, so...

...the way a woman dresses does NOT maker HER responsible for YOUR actions. No "I was led on". No "she deserved it". No "she shouldn't have been dressed like that". YOU are responsible for your own actions. Nobody else. Thus, YOU are responsible for how you act towards women. No-one else. It's about time men started taking responsibility for their own actions, instead of trying to blame everything on women.

YOU are responsible for your own actions. A woman may be responsible for dressing a certain way (she may actually have dressed that way simply because she likes the clothes) but she is NOT responsible for how YOU or any other person acts in response to the way she is dressed.

YOU are responsible for your own actions. Period.

The line is this:

If a woman dresses to make her feel confident and sexual, it is sexy. If she dresses to please men, she will not be sexy no matter what she wears.

"Slutty" is only something that OTHERS peceive, and is THEIR problem.

And by the way, this goes for men, too (sexy versus slutty).

<snip for length>


I'd like to point out that we weren't talking about rape or any offshoots of it here.

Shush you :fluffle:

I never do! Again I say.... damn you...

LOL You don't believe me?:( :fluffle:

Sorry, Glitzy. If anyone would know how I intend things, it would be you, but it seems we're all SOL on that one....:p

Oh man... I should've ended my self-exile FAR earlier.

Anyways, I really can't see ANY line between "sexy" and "slutty" now in days. In order to be what the majority consider's "sexy", you must dress provocatively, which includes short shorts, tight clothing, and exposing as much skin as possible, which in my opinion is a very slutty thing to do.

I'd like to point out that we weren't talking about rape or any offshoots of it here.

Neither was I.

you know, I am so done with you. You say my opinion is wrong because it "hurts your feelings"

No, I have not stated your opinion is wrong, anymore than you have stated that my dressing is wrong. I see you take less kindly to people holding critical views about your choices than you do to holding holding critical views about other people's choices.....mmmm

I don't care.
You are going to run around and bitch about how someone is saying something you find "hurtful" and demand that they change their opinion for "the better" (better meaning agree with you) and then go off and accuse me of poor debating when I have said time and again

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WEAR
What conversation are you refering to? I have not said anything about what you are saying having been hurtful to me personally (rather I stated that it is a hurtful point of veiw), I have not made any comment about your debating competency levels. Rather than demanding you change your opinion, I have explicitly stated your right to hold it more than once. I think you just have your nose out of joint because you believe you are entitled to make critical judgements about others, but no one is allowed to do the same to you. Wah, wah, wah, cry me a river.

then whatever.

My opinion is my own, I am not trying to make anyone else do anything, you are the one trying to control what someone else says and does......and that's wrong.
Please try to get over yourself. I am not attempting to control you, indeed how could I? I am attempting to reason with you, I admit I didnt realise what an impossible task I had set myself.
Communicating things to people in the hope that they might reconsider a view isnt attempting to control them, it's simply attempting to reason with them. I apologise if you find people attempting to reason with you offensive, if I had known you were so hyper-allergic to reason, I wouldnt have troubled you.

If by the way you think that you are not judgemental you are wrong, you are, everyone is judgemental, everyone has a line, everyone has things they find acceptable and unacceptable and that's just the way life is. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to agree, but saying that someone is wrong for having an opinion is just stupid.
If you calm down enough from your little temper tantrum you might become lucid enough to realise that most of what you seem to think I said is all in your head. Never said I wasnt judgemental , only that I choose to be less judgemental than you choose to be. I never said you or your opinion was wrong and the fact that you have chosen to throw your tantrum at straw men instead of the actual things I did say indicates to me that trying to simply reason with you is a waste of time.

Oh man... I should've ended my self-exile FAR earlier.

Anyways, I really can't see ANY line between "sexy" and "slutty" now in days. In order to be what the majority consider's "sexy", you must dress provocatively, which includes short shorts, tight clothing, and exposing as much skin as possible, which in my opinion is a very slutty thing to do.

Showing that much skin is a slutty thing to do? Even if the person neither sleeps around nor has the least desire to do so? What if their lack of clothes in certain cases is for a reason you couldn't begin to comprehend without dismissing all thoughts of sex? A shedding of their fears and worries, letting them stay bundled up in the clothes they left behind? A peeling away of their humanity to find a goddess beneath? While many women may have slutty motivations, dressing like that in and of itself is not inherently slutty as there are other possible motivations for it.

I see no reason to appear "sexy" at all. It seems like a complete waste of time to wear any sort of make-up or any clothing other than a comfortable t-shirt and plain black pants.

I just recently wore a skirt (ankle-length) for the first time in public that I did so completely of my own free will, and, much to my surprise, no one attacked me or hurt me or belittled me for wearing something much more feminine than I had ever worn before. I was nearly panicking when I was about to wear the skirt, because I had always assumed that people would think less of me if I did, and maybe even that I would end up dead because of wearing a skirt, but, luckily, that did not happen, and I hardly received any more menacing stares than usual. I even received a compliment or two, although only from people who knew in advance that I was planning on wearing a skirt for the first time.

This experience has caused me to reevaluate my previous views on clothing. I wore the skirt in an attempt to get over my fear of wearing a skirt, and I think it worked, although I still would never wear anything shorter than knee-length, and that would still probably be too short.

However, I don't really care what other girls wear, so long as it still retains some level of modesty. I don't like it when people leave their midriffs exposed, because personally seeing people's skin (other than faces and arms) disgusts me and frightens me. But I wouldn't use the word "slutty" to describe anyone based on clothes, unless their behavior justified use of the word.

I see no reason to appear "sexy" at all. It seems like a complete waste of time to wear any sort of make-up or any clothing other than a comfortable t-shirt and plain black pants.

I just recently wore a skirt (ankle-length) for the first time in public that I did so completely of my own free will, and, much to my surprise, no one attacked me or hurt me or belittled me for wearing something much more feminine than I had ever worn before. I was nearly panicking when I was about to wear the skirt, because I had always assumed that people would think less of me if I did, and maybe even that I would end up dead because of wearing a skirt, but, luckily, that did not happen, and I hardly received any more menacing stares than usual. I even received a compliment or two, although only from people who knew in advance that I was planning on wearing a skirt for the first time.

This experience has caused me to reevaluate my previous views on clothing. I wore the skirt in an attempt to get over my fear of wearing a skirt, and I think it worked, although I still would never wear anything shorter than knee-length, and that would still probably be too short.

However, I don't really care what other girls wear, so long as it still retains some level of modesty. I don't like it when people leave their midriffs exposed, because personally seeing people's skin (other than faces and arms) disgusts me and frightens me. But I wouldn't use the word "slutty" to describe anyone based on clothes, unless their behavior justified use of the word.

I'm glad you conquered one of your fears and I hope you continue to make progress.
May I ask why you thought that you might come to harm from wearing a skirt?
I sincerely hope you do not live in a place where such is common. Nobody should attack you because of what you wear. It is NEVER acceptable to attack a woman and clothing (or lack thereof) is insufficient reason to harm anyone.

I don't like it when people leave their midriffs exposed, because personally seeing people's skin (other than faces and arms) disgusts me and frightens me.


that's weird

She's sexy if she sleeps with me. She's slutty if she sleeps with anyone but me. :p

Seconded.

Its all subjective at any rate. Social classes and cliques vary in their perceptions. Personally it depends upon the context. On a night out,the limit is higher/tighter/skimpier. Sitting in a cafe, there are certain standards one expects.

I see no reason to appear "sexy" at all. It seems like a complete waste of time to wear any sort of make-up or any clothing other than a comfortable t-shirt and plain black pants.

I just recently wore a skirt (ankle-length) for the first time in public that I did so completely of my own free will, and, much to my surprise, no one attacked me or hurt me or belittled me for wearing something much more feminine than I had ever worn before. I was nearly panicking when I was about to wear the skirt, because I had always assumed that people would think less of me if I did, and maybe even that I would end up dead because of wearing a skirt, but, luckily, that did not happen, and I hardly received any more menacing stares than usual. I even received a compliment or two, although only from people who knew in advance that I was planning on wearing a skirt for the first time.

This experience has caused me to reevaluate my previous views on clothing. I wore the skirt in an attempt to get over my fear of wearing a skirt, and I think it worked, although I still would never wear anything shorter than knee-length, and that would still probably be too short.

However, I don't really care what other girls wear, so long as it still retains some level of modesty. I don't like it when people leave their midriffs exposed, because personally seeing people's skin (other than faces and arms) disgusts me and frightens me. But I wouldn't use the word "slutty" to describe anyone based on clothes, unless their behavior justified use of the word.


You genuinely scare me. I'm a bloke and spend £100 apprximately a month on clothes. Make an effort dear.....

I'm glad you conquered one of your fears and I hope you continue to make progress.
May I ask why you thought that you might come to harm from wearing a skirt?
I sincerely hope you do not live in a place where such is common. Nobody should attack you because of what you wear. It is NEVER acceptable to attack a woman and clothing (or lack thereof) is insufficient reason to harm anyone.

I don't think that anything like that happens in my area. I was just afraid that it might. I don't know why, I just was afraid of wearing skirts for a long time without any real reason.

that's weird

I know it is, but I can't help it. It just looks really gross to me.



You genuinely scare me. I'm a bloke and spend £100 apprximately a month on clothes. Make an effort dear.....

I just see no reason to put much effort or money into it. It just really doesn't matter to me. I do just fine buying clothes maybe two or three times a year.

I don't think that anything like that happens in my area. I was just afraid that it might. I don't know why, I just was afraid of wearing skirts for a long time without any real reason.



I know it is, but I can't help it. It just looks really gross to me.

Why? I just don't see why appearance repulses you?

Why? I just don't see why appearance repulses you?

It just does. I haven't found a real person attractive in about seven or eight years. Appearances just don't matter to me, and I just hate seeing skin. The more skin I cover, the more confident I feel.

It just does. I haven't found a real person attractive in about seven or eight years. Appearances just don't matter to me, and I just hate seeing skin. The more skin I cover, the more confident I feel.

Fair enough. A bit sad, but I daresay you have your reasons.

Fair enough. A bit sad, but I daresay you have your reasons.

It probably does seem a little bit sad, but I've felt this way for a long time.

It probably does seem a little bit sad, but I've felt this way for a long time.

If you're happy with it, go with it.

Not my cup of tea, but then I was labelled "shallower than Bush's intellect"......:)

If you're happy with it, go with it.

Not my cup of tea, but then I was labelled "shallower than Bush's intellect"......:)

I'm happy with it most of the time. Sometimes it has drawbacks, like the fear of wearing skirts I just got over (mostly), but I can deal with the drawbacks.

It just does. I haven't found a real person attractive in about seven or eight years. Appearances just don't matter to me, and I just hate seeing skin. The more skin I cover, the more confident I feel.

Are you deformed in some way?
You genuinely scare me. I'm a bloke and spend £100 apprximately a month on clothes. Make an effort dear.....
Metrosexuals don't count, ever.

I'm happy with it most of the time. Sometimes it has drawbacks, like the fear of wearing skirts I just got over (mostly), but I can deal with the drawbacks.

Cool. You never know, you might end up an exhibitionist at 70.....:D

Metrosexuals don't count, ever.

Thats harsh. And really mean.:eek:

Are you deformed in some way?


No.

Cool. You never know, you might end up an exhibitionist at 70.....:D

I'm not quite sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

I don't think that anything like that happens in my area. I was just afraid that it might. I don't know why, I just was afraid of wearing skirts for a long time without any real reason.

Well I'm glad to hear that about your area and that you took charge and are working on defeating your fear. It should fade now that you have made your nreakthrough. There is no reason you shouldn't wear whatever you like. I myself rarely wear skirts but I can and have. I'm also personally happy to see that you are not judging others by your standards and are happy to let them wear whatever they feel comfortable in.


I know it is, but I can't help it. It just looks really gross to me.

I know someone who used to think like that. She came to some conclusions about why she felt that way when she got older. Her conclusions although specific to her may be of use to you. Would you mind if I TG'd you or emailed you?




I just see no reason to put much effort or money into it. It just really doesn't matter to me. I do just fine buying clothes maybe two or three times a year.

Not every woman loves shopping. Nothing wrong with that. :)
In fact if you are hetero there re some men who would LOVE a woman who doesn't like to shop. :D

No.
So it’s a mental illness then.

In fact if you are hetero there re some men who would LOVE a woman who doesn't like to shop. :D
Cheaper.

It just does. I haven't found a real person attractive in about seven or eight years. Appearances just don't matter to me, and I just hate seeing skin. The more skin I cover, the more confident I feel.

I can understand feeling more confident being covered up and wearing simple clothing. It just means being less conspicuous to random people that only oggle your appearence, and focusing any attention you recieve on things that you're more comforable with, whatever those may be. Though chandelier seems to have a bit of a issue with bodies in general, her post reminded me of an interesting thing that's going on in Egypt (and maybe other arab countries too, I'm not sure): basically women - and women who were anti-religious feminists a few decades ago - are putting on the hijab for political reasons as opposed to religious ones. Covering their hair gives them the respect and confidence to be politically active in ways that they would not be taken seriously if they did not.

Not every woman loves shopping. Nothing wrong with that. :)
In fact if you are hetero there re some men who would LOVE a woman who doesn't like to shop. :D

I like shopping for video games and books when a new one I want comes out, but I hate clothes-shopping. It takes too long.

So it’s a mental illness then.

I don't know. I had to go to a therapist for a while because I got nauseous whenever I was around people, and maybe that's related to this.

I can understand feeling more confident being covered up and wearing simple clothing. It just means being less conspicuous to random people that only oggle your appearence, and focusing any attention you recieve on things that you're more comforable with, whatever those may be. Though chandelier seems to have a bit of a issue with odies in general, her post reminded me of an interesting thing that's going on in Egypt (and maybe other arab countries too, I'm not sure): basically women - and women who were anti-religious feminists a few decades ago - are putting on the hijab for political reasons as opposed to religious ones. Covering their hair gives them the respect and confidence to be politically active in ways that they would not be taken seriously if they did not.

I just don't like it when people stare at me, unless I give them a good reason to do so. Like wearing a cape or wearing a Pull-Up as a hat. That would be a good reason. But other than those and comparable reasons, I can't stand to have people staring at me.

So it’s a mental illness then.

I don't think I'd call it that but it does seem to be a phobia of some sort. You do seem to be getting the upper hand now Chand so just keep on with what you are doing. I suppose a fear counselor or therapist wouldn't hurt if you can afford both the time nd the money but if not you should be able to continue as you've begun and conquer it the old fashioned way.

Personally I find it a little silly when people cover themselves up because of modesty. I choose my clothes mainly for comfort. Because I dress for comfort I will at times be seen in revealing clothes. I own a few vest tops that leave my midriff exposed. Mostly I wear them under something else, just for additional support. I will wear one on it's own though if it's a very hot day or I'm stuck in a stuffy room. I also own a few pairs of shorts. Of course there are many people who presume that just because I don't hide my body then I must be slutty and only dressed that way to get attention. :rolleyes:

I like shopping for video games and books when a new one I want comes out, but I hate clothes-shopping. It takes too long.

Most men don't mind shopping for electronics. :) I don't either for that matter.

I don't know. I had to go to a therapist for a while because I got nauseous whenever I was around people, and maybe that's related to this.

I would tend to think it is. My doctorate isn't in psychology but from what I've read I think it is related. Was the therapist a good one? Could you afford to talk to them about this? Sorry if this is too personal but you sound like you are sort of caged by this fear and that pushes my buttons so I'd like to help. Also it will get awfully lonely for you if you can't stand to be too close to people or see them less than completely covered.


I just don't like it when people stare at me, unless I give them a good reason to do so. Like wearing a cape or wearing a Pull-Up as a hat. That would be a good reason. But other than those and comparable reasons, I can't stand to have people staring at me.

Well there could be reasons. It was 92 here yesterday and moany people were in shorts and/or shorts sleeved shirts. If I were walking about a park or something and saw someone dressed in long sleeves and pants there I might stare a bit because that would be odd.
On the brighter side maybe they were looking because you are beautiful.
Regardless of how well your clothes cover you a beautiful face will still attract attention. Was it mostly men looking? Not necessarily ALL men bcause I've looked at my fair share of women too but if it was mostly men looking and their gazes lingered then it might be just because they found you attractive.

I'd like to come up with some pithy comeback, but I'm too drunk, so I'll just pose the question: Why isn't there some form of similar distinction for men? Hmmmm?

A man who had a lot of sex is stud. A woman who does the same is a slut.

What the fuck?

Come on.

I'd like to come up with some pithy comeback, but I'm too drunk, so I'll just pose the question: Why isn't there some form of similar distinction for men? Hmmmm?

A man who had a lot of sex is stud. A woman who does the same is a slut.

What the fuck?

Come on.

I've noticed that, it's quite common to call guys man-sluts where I come from. It's just seen as funny though, and not at all offensive like it would be when calling a woman a slut.

Isn't there a complimentary word that means a woman who has sex a lot and is very good at it? There should be. ;)

Metrosexuals don't count, ever.

He, he. :D

Isn't there a complimentary word that means a woman who has sex a lot and is very good at it? There should be. ;)

There should be; it's a sad sign for our culture that there isn't, really. It seems that women affirming their sexuality is prohibited at the most basic, Wittgensteinian level.:rolleyes:

Most men don't mind shopping for electronics. I don't either for that matter.

I didn't think many people would:)

I would tend to think it is. My doctorate isn't in psychology but from what I've read I think it is related. Was the therapist a good one? Could you afford to talk to them about this? Sorry if this is too personal but you sound like you are sort of caged by this fear and that pushes my buttons so I'd like to help. Also it will get awfully lonely for you if you can't stand to be too close to people or see them less than completely covered.

I ran out of the free insurance-covered visits for this year. The visits did help with the nausea I felt, but I didn't talk much, if at all, about this.

No, it's not too personal, and thank you for trying to help. I don't really mind if people around me wear shorts or short-sleeved shirts (I usually wear short-sleeved shirts myself, arms don't bother me), but being too close to people does bother me. So I probably will be alone.

Well there could be reasons. It was 92 here yesterday and moany people were in shorts and/or shorts sleeved shirts. If I were walking about a park or something and saw someone dressed in long sleeves and pants there I might stare a bit because that would be odd.
On the brighter side maybe they were looking because you are beautiful.
Regardless of how well your clothes cover you a beautiful face will still attract attention. Was it mostly men looking? Not necessarily ALL men bcause I've looked at my fair share of women too but if it was mostly men looking and their gazes lingered then it might be just because they found you attractive.

But I'm not attractive, so I don't think that's it. Some people say that I am, but I don't believe them.

Turns me on, costs more than I make in an hour? Sexy.
Turns me on, costs less than I make in an hour? Slutty.

Which do I want today? That depends...

Isn't there a complimentary word that means a woman who has sex a lot and is very good at it? There should be. ;)There should be; it's a sad sign for our culture that there isn't, really. It seems that women affirming their sexuality is prohibited at the most basic, Wittgensteinian level.:rolleyes:

Someone agrees there should be. I'm going to invent my very first word, I hope it catches on.

Hmmm...I need a sexy sounding word. How about zoob? ;) :)

I see no reason to appear "sexy" at all. It seems like a complete waste of time to wear any sort of make-up or any clothing other than a comfortable t-shirt and plain black pants.

I just recently wore a skirt (ankle-length) for the first time in public that I did so completely of my own free will, and, much to my surprise, no one attacked me or hurt me or belittled me for wearing something much more feminine than I had ever worn before. I was nearly panicking when I was about to wear the skirt, because I had always assumed that people would think less of me if I did, and maybe even that I would end up dead because of wearing a skirt, but, luckily, that did not happen, and I hardly received any more menacing stares than usual. I even received a compliment or two, although only from people who knew in advance that I was planning on wearing a skirt for the first time.

This experience has caused me to reevaluate my previous views on clothing. I wore the skirt in an attempt to get over my fear of wearing a skirt, and I think it worked, although I still would never wear anything shorter than knee-length, and that would still probably be too short.

However, I don't really care what other girls wear, so long as it still retains some level of modesty. I don't like it when people leave their midriffs exposed, because personally seeing people's skin (other than faces and arms) disgusts me and frightens me. But I wouldn't use the word "slutty" to describe anyone based on clothes, unless their behavior justified use of the word.
I think you place too much value on the clothes, make-up, etc. making the person sexy.
that's weird
Could lead to problems, too....
Not my cup of tea, but then I was labelled "shallower than Bush's intellect"......:)
Ouch!:p
I'm not quite sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.
That depends on whether or not you think public sex is a good thing....
Well there could be reasons. It was 92 here yesterday and moany people were in shorts and/or shorts sleeved shirts. If I were walking about a park or something and saw someone dressed in long sleeves and pants there I might stare a bit because that would be odd.
On the brighter side maybe they were looking because you are beautiful.
Regardless of how well your clothes cover you a beautiful face will still attract attention. Was it mostly men looking? Not necessarily ALL men bcause I've looked at my fair share of women too but if it was mostly men looking and their gazes lingered then it might be just because they found you attractive.
I wear pants anyway, no matter the time of year. It doesn't really draw that much attention. It must have been her radiance that drew the attention.
I didn't think many people would:)



I ran out of the free insurance-covered visits for this year. The visits did help with the nausea I felt, but I didn't talk much, if at all, about this.

No, it's not too personal, and thank you for trying to help. I don't really mind if people around me wear shorts or short-sleeved shirts (I usually wear short-sleeved shirts myself, arms don't bother me), but being too close to people does bother me. So I probably will be alone.



But I'm not attractive, so I don't think that's it. Some people say that I am, but I don't believe them.
For me the nausea is caused by an allergy to stupidity....It acts up pretty badly around a lot of people.:p

You sound rather attractive to me. You're quite a prospect, in my opinion. It would be an honor and a privilege to court you.

The difference between sexy and slutty, isn't how a someone looks, is made up, or what they're wearing, its how they're acting.

However, the question is, where is this line?

In a blurry, subjective, fuzzy space.

In a blurry, subjective, fuzzy space.
The one just beyond GPS. *nods*

Slutty is when really ugly girls try too hard to be sexy

Do you think it might be possible that when you say to someone "your ugle" they try and change themselves? And often the end result on there image makes them look bad?

I understand that this hole question was meant to deter how you tell when women look slutty instead of sexy, but putting rules to avoid it...women should just wear what they want so they feel good. Why should we care what you think of us? If a woman feels comfortable in what shes wearing it can give her confidence.

If talking about the line between sexy and slutty thats really in everyones own mind, then I have to agree with Fascist Dominion.

Slutty is when really ugly girls try too hard to be sexy

Do you think it might be possible that when you say to someone "your ugle" they try and change themselves? And often the end result on there image makes them look bad?

I understand that this hole question was meant to deter how you tell when women look slutty instead of sexy, but putting rules to avoid it...women should just wear what they want so they feel good. Why should we care what you think of us? If a woman feels comfortable in what shes wearing it can give her confidence.

Do you think it might be possible that when you say to someone "your ugle" they try and change themselves? And often the end result on there image makes them look bad?

I understand that this hole question was meant to deter how you tell when women look slutty instead of sexy, but putting rules to avoid it...women should just wear what they want so they feel good. Why should we care what you think of us? If a woman feels comfortable in what shes wearing it can give her confidence.

If talking about the line between sexy and slutty thats really in everyones own mind, then I have to agree with Fascist Dominion.

Could you be a little more specific and quote, please. I've said lots of things, some of them probably contradictory.:p

I think you place too much value on the clothes, make-up, etc. making the person sexy.

I guess I do.

Could lead to problems, too....

I guess it could (and probably already has)

That depends on whether or not you think public sex is a good thing....

So it's a bad thing, then.

I wear pants anyway, no matter the time of year. It doesn't really draw that much attention. It must have been her radiance that drew the attention.

Pants probably stand out more here since I'm in Florida in summer.

What radiance? I'm not beautiful. I've spent so long convincing myself that I'm not beautiful, I can't change my mind now.

For me the nausea is caused by an allergy to stupidity....It acts up pretty badly around a lot of people.:p

You sound rather attractive to me. You're quite a prospect, in my opinion. It would be an honor and a privilege to court you.

Thank you:) That's really flattering. But nobody else thinks that about me.

What radiance? I'm not beautiful. I've spent so long convincing myself that I'm not beautiful, I can't change my mind now.
Yes you can. :)

And never forget that beauty is a subjective thing - it lies in the eye of the beholder, the legend states - so even if you don't see yourself as beautiful others might.

And the radiance FD is talking about might be of a kind that is not only dependent on physical traits?

Thank you:) That's really flattering. But nobody else that I know of thinks that about me.
Oh, and I fixed this for you. It was incorrect. :)

Yes you can. :)

And never forget that beauty is a subjective thing - it lies in the eye of the beholder, the legend states - so even if you don't see yourself as beautiful others might.

And the radiance FD is talking about might be of a kind that is not only dependent on physical traits?

Oh, and I fixed this for you. It was incorrect. :)

I just can't see myself as beautiful. I guess I'm afraid of someone liking me.

And you're right, no one I know of thinks I'm beautiful, not no one.

I just can't see myself as beautiful. I guess I'm afraid of someone liking me.

And you're right, no one I know of thinks I'm beautiful, not no one.

Regardless of what you actually look like, you seem to forget that there is more to liking a person then just their physical appearance. I've met some darn sexy and interesting minds in my time, I don't mind telling you. :)

...though I don't understand why you're afraid that someone will like you.

And it's "no one thinks I'm beautiful, as far as I know". Sorry for being pedantic, but it's an important little detail ;)

...though I don't understand why you're afraid that someone will like you.

I do. I've felt that myself. I can't really articulate why though.
Maybe a feeling of unworthiness or fear of the unknown?

But I'm not attractive, so I don't think that's it. Some people say that I am, but I don't believe them.

Yeah, but who are you going to believe, an objective or biased opinion? You're biased, you have an emotional investment in how beautiful you may or may not be, they aren't, so they're probably going to be more accurate in their assessment of your beauty.

I do. I've felt that myself. I can't really articulate why though.
Maybe a feeling of unworthiness or fear of the unknown?

Fear of rejection/being taken for a ride. I could imagine it being that.

I just can't see myself as beautiful. I guess I'm afraid of someone liking me.

And you're right, no one I know of thinks I'm beautiful, not no one.

But you said people thought you were attractive, what's the difference?

Fear of rejection/being taken for a ride. I could imagine it being that.

It could be, but even when I was sure someone liked me...

wearing revealing clothes to look good is sexy. wearing them so guys will want to screw you is slutty. theyd screw you whatever you wore.

I do. I've felt that myself. I can't really articulate why though.
Maybe a feeling of unworthiness or fear of the unknown?
I've felt the opposite. Fear of not being liked, fear of rejection. Fear of loneliness too. So maybe that's why I don't understand the feeling, the fear that someone might like me?

They're whores, get over it.
And is this thread turning into let's talk about our love issues? Because if so, that's irony.

I've felt the opposite. Fear of not being liked, fear of rejection. Fear of loneliness too. So maybe that's why I don't understand the feeling, the fear that someone might like me?

I fear rejection too much to make advances. I have tried and been rejected with lies.
I don't fear loneliness, though I certainly don't like it. Loathe it, infact.

The fear of someone liking you is different, I imagine it's more something experienced by young women too. Is it fear of commitment? Of feeling something for someone who might end up hurting you? I don't know.

They're whores, get over it.
And is this thread turning into let's talk about our love issues? Because if so, that's irony.

Who are whores?

Who are whores?
No one...just felt like saying that.
I prefer conservatism, so I'm biased all the way around.

I fear rejection too much to make advances. I have tried and been rejected with lies.
I know very well what you mean, even if my fear is mostly irrational - I've seldom been rejected because I've almost never taken the initiative. (And I usually make a move only after being 99% certain of the result...)

The fear of someone liking you is different, I imagine it's more something experienced by young women too. Is it fear of commitment? Of feeling something for someone who might end up hurting you? I don't know.
You might be right about this. Maybe it's a woman-version of fear of commitment? But I honestly don't know either. :)

I guess I do.
A bad habit, to be sure.;)


I guess it could (and probably already has)
Then change it.


So it's a bad thing, then.
Yes.:)


Pants probably stand out more here since I'm in Florida in summer.

What radiance? I'm not beautiful. I've spent so long convincing myself that I'm not beautiful, I can't change my mind now.
I live in Missouri. It was really frickin' hot and humid here. Almost everyone but me was wearing shorts or skirts. Something of that nature. It really was too humid to safely wear heavy clothing like that, but I did it anyway. And probably lost weight from all the sweating I did.:p

Oh, but you are, so you had better find a way to change your mind because you certainly won't change anyone else's.
[/quote]Thank you:) That's really flattering. But nobody else thinks that about me.[/QUOTE]
I don't believe you. I know there have to be several people who find you attractive. I'm just one guy half-way across the continent. I have only a cursory impression of you, really.
Yes you can. :)

And never forget that beauty is a subjective thing - it lies in the eye of the beholder, the legend states - so even if you don't see yourself as beautiful others might.

And the radiance FD is talking about might be of a kind that is not only dependent on physical traits?

Oh, and I fixed this for you. It was incorrect. :)
Heh. I've never seen the girl. It's purely of the mind.
I just can't see myself as beautiful. I guess I'm afraid of someone liking me.

And you're right, no one I know of thinks I'm beautiful, not no one.
I'm afraid of both someone liking or not liking me. I don't know how to handle the former and just don't want to have to deal with the despair of the latter.
I do. I've felt that myself. I can't really articulate why though.
Maybe a feeling of unworthiness or fear of the unknown?
My fear is of unworthiness and my long-standing social ineptitude. Which I suppose could entail the unknown....
Yeah, but who are you going to believe, an objective or biased opinion? You're biased, you have an emotional investment in how beautiful you may or may not be, they aren't, so they're probably going to be more accurate in their assessment of your beauty.
It doesn't get much more objective than a random guy from Missouri, does it?:p
Fear of rejection/being taken for a ride. I could imagine it being that.
I squirm at the mere mention of them....Not fond memories....But yes, that's certainly possible.
But you said people thought you were attractive, what's the difference?
There isn't one for me, but a lot of people distinguish more between the person and the body.
It could be, but even when I was sure someone liked me...
Inadequacy or misconception....
wearing revealing clothes to look good is sexy. wearing them so guys will want to screw you is slutty. theyd screw you whatever you wore.
*points and laughs at you*
I've felt the opposite. Fear of not being liked, fear of rejection. Fear of loneliness too. So maybe that's why I don't understand the feeling, the fear that someone might like me?
For me, part of it is that they may not really have an idea of who I am and so might later abandon me.
They're whores, get over it.
And is this thread turning into let's talk about our love issues? Because if so, that's irony.
*points and laughs even harder*
I fear rejection too much to make advances. I have tried and been rejected with lies.
I don't fear loneliness, though I certainly don't like it. Loathe it, infact.

The fear of someone liking you is different, I imagine it's more something experienced by young women too. Is it fear of commitment? Of feeling something for someone who might end up hurting you? I don't know.
Ad-vanc-es?:confused: Hey! I'm not a young woman!:mad::p

I think a big part of dressing tastefully sexy is dressing for your figure. I'm sure other people have said this, but wearing clothes that are so tight, they CREATE rolls of flesh that attempt to burst out of the clothes...that's a no-no. And that can happen to any girl who isn't severely anorexic, not just "fatties." Wear clothes that are body-skimming, not body-strangling.

The line between sexy and slutty is clear. A woman dressed in a sexy way will hint at all the good things about her sexuality without giving away the game. Slutty dress just lets it all hang out for the world to see.

It's far more sexually stimulating to the male mind to hint at without revealing, say with a form-fitting but perfectly opaque dress.

I think a big part of dressing tastefully sexy is dressing for your figure. I'm sure other people have said this, but wearing clothes that are so tight, they CREATE rolls of flesh that attempt to burst out of the clothes...that's a no-no. And that can happen to any girl who isn't severely anorexic, not just "fatties." Wear clothes that are body-skimming, not body-strangling.

I maintain this is your way of gloating about your figure.;):p

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

I take issue with the entire approach here. What a woman wants to wear is her own business and no one else's. To call her a "slut" just because she wears less than the average is unacceptable. As a matter of fact, I never use the term "slut," unless she likes me to call her that at ... certain times. ;)

My personal preference for what a woman wears is something which leaves a bit to the imagination, but that's just MY personal preference.

I maintain this is your way of gloating about your figure.;):p

And she has every right to gloat about it! :D

I take issue with the entire approach here. What a woman wants to wear is her own business and no one else's. To call her a "slut" just because she wears less than the average is unacceptable. As a matter of fact, I never use the term "slut," unless she likes me to call her that at ... certain times. ;)

My personal preference for what a woman wears is something which leaves a bit to the imagination, but that's just MY personal preference.

My imagination is really vivid, so I like the challenge of plenty of clothing.:p

And she has every right to gloat about it! :D

You've mistaken me if you think I wasn't insisting that she gloat some more.:p In fact, I demand photos again!:D

Yeah, but who are you going to believe, an objective or biased opinion? You're biased, you have an emotional investment in how beautiful you may or may not be, they aren't, so they're probably going to be more accurate in their assessment of your beauty.

Maybe, but my parents are going to say I'm beautiful whether I am or not, so they're biased, too. And salespeople are biased because they're trying to sell me clothes. Some of my acquaintances said that I was beautiful, but they were trying to dress me up and straighten my hair for the dance at the state Latin forum.

Regardless of what you actually look like, you seem to forget that there is more to liking a person then just their physical appearance. I've met some darn sexy and interesting minds in my time, I don't mind telling you. :)

...though I don't understand why you're afraid that someone will like you.

And it's "no one thinks I'm beautiful, as far as I know". Sorry for being pedantic, but it's an important little detail ;)

You're right. I guess I'm afraid of people liking me because...well, I don't know why for sure. I suppose I'm afraid of what might happen as a result of someone liking me.

And thank you for correcting me. :)

But you said people thought you were attractive, what's the difference?

They say that I am, but I don't believe them.

I fear rejection too much to make advances. I have tried and been rejected with lies.
I don't fear loneliness, though I certainly don't like it. Loathe it, infact.

The fear of someone liking you is different, I imagine it's more something experienced by young women too. Is it fear of commitment? Of feeling something for someone who might end up hurting you? I don't know.

I'd like to be committed to someone, it's just that closeness scares me, and if

A bad habit, to be sure.;)

Then change it.

I've been trying, but I'm not sure how to.


I live in Missouri. It was really frickin' hot and humid here. Almost everyone but me was wearing shorts or skirts. Something of that nature. It really was too humid to safely wear heavy clothing like that, but I did it anyway. And probably lost weight from all the sweating I did.:p

Oh, but you are, so you had better find a way to change your mind because you certainly won't change anyone else's.

I don't know how to change my mind! I've thought like this forever, basically. Even though it doesn't make sense, I've had this chain of thought in my head for a long time.

"I don't want people to like me for whatever reason. Maybe if I'm not beautiful, they won't like me. So, I don't want to be beautiful, so I will disregard any evidence that shows that I might possibly be beautiful."

I know that it's flawed and doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how to change it.

I don't believe you. I know there have to be several people who find you attractive. I'm just one guy half-way across the continent. I have only a cursory impression of you, really.

There might be, but they haven't made me aware of it.


I'm afraid of both someone liking or not liking me. I don't know how to handle the former and just don't want to have to deal with the despair of the latter.

My fear is of unworthiness and my long-standing social ineptitude. Which I suppose could entail the unknown....


Now that I think about it, that probably is how I feel.


It doesn't get much more objective than a random guy from Missouri, does it?:p

No, I guess it doesn't.:)

After reading through all of this, I think only one factor in calling someone slutty has been left out (at least partly):

how well you know her.

I personally know a girl that has been labeled slutty by more than one man, wears low-hanging pants (the skater variant, showing an edge of underwear), wears halter-tops with deep cuts in front, dyes her hair in extreme colours (pink and green lately), and is even, from what I hear (I'm usually not the informed type on these matters), quite sexually active, with at least one occurance of two men within a month (not at the same time, you pervs ;)).

Yet still, I do not find her slutty. Why? Because I know she's more than that.

"Slutty" is a shallow "definition" (definition in quotes, because it doesn't really define anything beyond "it's not good, usually").
As a shallow description, it fails to hold once your view of someone deepens.
She wears "innapropriate" clothes. So? I know her reasons, and it's not to get male attention.
She "screws around". So? She's honest about it, and enjoys it for any reason a man is "allowed" to enjoy it, so how does it make her slutty? because she's a woman? She's not "just a woman", she's a person, just as good (not better, not worse) as any other person, be they male or female.

I think this can also be read as a subsidizing (is that a word?) to the statement of "slutty" = "just another insult like 'fat' ".
Shallow insults are used for shallow human relations, and lose meaning outside a shallow context
("relation" as in "interaction", not the romantic type).


And, while I'm at it anyways, an attempt to "define" "slutty", in honour of the original topic title:

A female person is usually called slutty when her outward appearance and actions seem to (optionally: in the eyes of the beholder) reinforce the position of said person as a sex-object.

In common words: when she dresses and acts to hide the fact that she's a person, and to over-express that she's something you can have sex with.

I regret to say "female person", but I have yet to encounter (other than in a previous post in this thread) a situation where a man was called a "slut" with the same (negative) connotations as apply for a woman.
I think "eyes of the beholder" is partly optional, because mostly, you will be in situations where most beholders agree to a certain standard, and usually you can make estimates on this standard. I think you can, at least to certain degree, foresee the reactions your clothing and behaviour is going to get. If you think one of those reactions might be "slutty", it's up to you either say "screw them and their shallow opinions" (no pun intended) or change your wardrobe/actions.
Even if you are being 'beheld', you are the one letting yourself be 'beholded'. it's an interaction thing, both sides have a, be it limited, responsibility.


And as a closing statement:
feel free to ignore me if you think I'm making {not-enough / to-much / exactly-the-right-amount-of} sense :D

After reading through all of this, I think only one factor in calling someone slutty has been left out (at least partly):

how well you know her.

I personally know a girl that has been labeled slutty by more than one man, wears low-hanging pants (the skater variant, showing an edge of underwear), wears halter-tops with deep cuts in front, dyes her hair in extreme colours (pink and green lately), and is even, from what I hear (I'm usually not the informed type on these matters), quite sexually active, with at least one occurance of two men within a month (not at the same time, you pervs ;)).

Yet still, I do not find her slutty. Why? Because I know she's more than that.

"Slutty" is a shallow "definition" (definition in quotes, because it doesn't really define anything beyond "it's not good, usually").
As a shallow description, it fails to hold once your view of someone deepens.
She wears "innapropriate" clothes. So? I know her reasons, and it's not to get male attention.
She "screws around". So? She's honest about it, and enjoys it for any reason a man is "allowed" to enjoy it, so how does it make her slutty? because she's a woman? She's not "just a woman", she's a person, just as good (not better, not worse) as any other person, be they male or female.

I think this can also be read as a subsidizing (is that a word?) to the statement of "slutty" = "just another insult like 'fat' ".
Shallow insults are used for shallow human relations, and lose meaning outside a shallow context
("relation" as in "interaction", not the romantic type).


And, while I'm at it anyways, an attempt to "define" "slutty", in honour of the original topic title:

A female person is usually called slutty when her outward appearance and actions seem to (optionally: in the eyes of the beholder) reinforce the position of said person as a sex-object.

In common words: when she dresses and acts to hide the fact that she's a person, and to over-express that she's something you can have sex with.

I regret to say "female person", but I have yet to encounter (other than in a previous post in this thread) a situation where a man was called a "slut" with the same (negative) connotations as apply for a woman.
I think "eyes of the beholder" is partly optional, because mostly, you will be in situations where most beholders agree to a certain standard, and usually you can make estimates on this standard. I think you can, at least to certain degree, foresee the reactions your clothing and behaviour is going to get. If you think one of those reactions might be "slutty", it's up to you either say "screw them and their shallow opinions" (no pun intended) or change your wardrobe/actions.
Even if you are being 'beheld', you are the one letting yourself be 'beholded'. it's an interaction thing, both sides have a, be it limited, responsibility.


And as a closing statement:
feel free to ignore me if you think I'm making {not-enough / to-much / exactly-the-right-amount-of} sense :D

You make a fair point actually.

Well at my school if a girls popular and hot, she probably wont be called slutty even if she does dress really skimpy, but an unpopular/not so pretty girl would be called slutty in the same clothes. Generally people only call other people slutty and stuff like that if they dont like the person.

for me slutty= hawt!

-snip-
Fantastic first post :) go you! :fluffle:

Fantastic first post :) go you! :fluffle:

No gun smilies either, WTF?? :eek:
:p

After reading through all of this, I think only one factor in calling someone slutty has been left out (at least partly):

how well you know her.

I personally know a girl that has been labeled slutty by more than one man, wears low-hanging pants (the skater variant, showing an edge of underwear), wears halter-tops with deep cuts in front, dyes her hair in extreme colours (pink and green lately), and is even, from what I hear (I'm usually not the informed type on these matters), quite sexually active, with at least one occurance of two men within a month (not at the same time, you pervs ;)).

Yet still, I do not find her slutty. Why? Because I know she's more than that.

"Slutty" is a shallow "definition" (definition in quotes, because it doesn't really define anything beyond "it's not good, usually").
As a shallow description, it fails to hold once your view of someone deepens.
She wears "innapropriate" clothes. So? I know her reasons, and it's not to get male attention.
She "screws around". So? She's honest about it, and enjoys it for any reason a man is "allowed" to enjoy it, so how does it make her slutty? because she's a woman? She's not "just a woman", she's a person, just as good (not better, not worse) as any other person, be they male or female.

I think this can also be read as a subsidizing (is that a word?) to the statement of "slutty" = "just another insult like 'fat' ".
Shallow insults are used for shallow human relations, and lose meaning outside a shallow context
("relation" as in "interaction", not the romantic type).


And, while I'm at it anyways, an attempt to "define" "slutty", in honour of the original topic title:

A female person is usually called slutty when her outward appearance and actions seem to (optionally: in the eyes of the beholder) reinforce the position of said person as a sex-object.

In common words: when she dresses and acts to hide the fact that she's a person, and to over-express that she's something you can have sex with.

I regret to say "female person", but I have yet to encounter (other than in a previous post in this thread) a situation where a man was called a "slut" with the same (negative) connotations as apply for a woman.
I think "eyes of the beholder" is partly optional, because mostly, you will be in situations where most beholders agree to a certain standard, and usually you can make estimates on this standard. I think you can, at least to certain degree, foresee the reactions your clothing and behaviour is going to get. If you think one of those reactions might be "slutty", it's up to you either say "screw them and their shallow opinions" (no pun intended) or change your wardrobe/actions.
Even if you are being 'beheld', you are the one letting yourself be 'beholded'. it's an interaction thing, both sides have a, be it limited, responsibility.


And as a closing statement:
feel free to ignore me if you think I'm making {not-enough / to-much / exactly-the-right-amount-of} sense :D
all very cool, and I bolded the part that I think is important........okay it's all important, but reallyt the bolded part is what I was trying to say but not really being able to since I got all sidetracked.

I think it's up to individuals to decide what's too far. I've had so many arguments with teachers at my school who think I'm being a slut because I occasionally where a shirt that reveals a whole inch of my middrift. For the record, I'm actually a virgin (not that losing one's virginity makes one a slut, but I wanted to point out that I am far from permiscuous) who simply wears close that she likes. I have a few t-shirts that I like the slogan or colour, etc. of, but which have shrunken a bit in the wash. That's my choice, just like it might be someone else's choice to have casual sex. My view is that as long as people aren't being directly hurt, I'm fine with whatever people choose to do with their lives.

Terrorist Cakes: A praisable attitude indeed.
"Civilization isn't about your own standards, it's about how you deal with others' "
If she/he/it doesn't bother you, why bother it/her/him back?

Smunkee (if I may use the nickname already): Glad I could help you find your words ;)

Gltizyness: Thanks, that nearly made me blush :)

Avamar: Thanks for illustating. The popular girl is known better, and therefore she is less likely insulted, because people pay more attention to her and her inner workings. The poor unpopular girl is far less interesting, and therefore people pay less attention to her and her feelings, resulting in less concern over calling her a slut.

I would even go so far as to say that humans will categorize fellow humans as follows:
1) fellow persons with feelings I care enough about to take into account when saying/doing things
2) things (or: "humans that don't matter to me")

Would it offend you if I called your mother a slut in her face (hypothetically of course, I'm not one for insults ;)), It probably would, as I would hurt her feelings. (And if it didn't, I hope your relationship with your mother will one day improve).
Would it offend you if I called the seventeenth girl you passed on your way to work/school today a slut to her face? Most probably not, what do you care about "random girl #17"? Not partiularly, usually. You may be bothered by my bad manners, or my apparent rude-ness, but you wouldn't feel for the girl specifically, because you don't know her. (in most circumstances at least).

Maybe, but my parents are going to say I'm beautiful whether I am or not, so they're biased, too. And salespeople are biased because they're trying to sell me clothes. Some of my acquaintances said that I was beautiful, but they were trying to dress me up and straighten my hair for the dance at the state Latin forum.
Fine: I say you're beautiful, and I have no bias at all toward any claim. I win. You lose. It's settled.:p


You're right. I guess I'm afraid of people liking me because...well, I don't know why for sure. I suppose I'm afraid of what might happen as a result of someone liking me.

And thank you for correcting me. :)
I hear that's half the fun. I'll let you know when I find out what happens when someone likes me.:p *waits for someone to like him*


They say that I am, but I don't believe them.
Then believe me.


I'd like to be committed to someone, it's just that closeness scares me, and if
That's rather the point of commitment. Being closer than anyone else. Sharing hopes, dreams, fears, life.


I've been trying, but I'm not sure how to.
Ask Gravlen. I just destroy people's perspectives, not give them new ones.:p

I don't know how to change my mind! I've thought like this forever, basically. Even though it doesn't make sense, I've had this chain of thought in my head for a long time.


"I don't want people to like me for whatever reason. Maybe if I'm not beautiful, they won't like me. So, I don't want to be beautiful, so I will disregard any evidence that shows that I might possibly be beautiful."

I know that it's flawed and doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how to change it.
Then I'll just have to pound it into your brain: you are beautiful, and people will like you. You must accept that. You don't have much choice. Just take a few deep breaths and stop worrying about it. If people like you, they like you. Just smile and go with it.

There might be, but they haven't made me aware of it.
IRL, I would be too shy to tell you. I work on much more subtle levels. Probably why I fail, too.:-p

Now that I think about it, that probably is how I feel.
I don't have a solution for it yet. Maybe we could try to find one together.:)

No, I guess it doesn't.:)
And that is why I win.:cool:
(not at the same time, you pervs ;))
I can dream, though, can't I?:p

And as a closing statement:
feel free to ignore me if you think I'm making {not-enough / to-much / exactly-the-right-amount-of} sense XD

I think I'll ignore you because I was too lazy to do more than skim through that.:p

No gun smilies either, WTF?? :eek:
:p

:eek: Oh noes! Sacrilege!:eek::eek: :mp5:

Chandelier, there are people out there that genuinely like you, if you won't take our word for it, believe statistics!
(I mean, there are over 6 billion people in this world, what are the odds that all of them won't like you? zero! As zero as anything can be in the world of statistics).

And besides, you already have two people in this thread liking you: me and FD!
I like the way you post. You type full sentences, and what you type full sentences about is worth reading. You have a self-insight I see rarely.
If you can show that much good qualities in only a few posts in the severly limiting conditions of language and ascii, then I can only imagine how wonderfull a person you must be in the flesh.

As for the dislike of skin: you're not alone.
And you seem to be on the right track: confront the phobia one little step by one little step at a time. Wear a skirt if you like!
Maybe a next step could be to watch your own skin and learn to not-fear that before you start with others' skin.
Your own body is nothing to be scared of! Not even something to be ashamed of (but I may not be in a secure enough position myself to say that...).

FD, of course you can dream, but please change the sheets when you wake up, okay? And don't tell me about the dream, please don't ;)
And purely in the interest of curiosity: Is there a secret NationStates Cult Of Worshippers Of The Holy Gunsmiley that I'm unaware of, if no-gun-smilies is sacrilegious?
(And remember kids, curiosity doesn't kill cats, gun(smiley)s kill cats! Or was that "curiosity killed the cat"? :P)

Is there a secret NationStates Cult Of Worshippers Of The Holy Gunsmiley that I'm unaware of, if no-gun-smilies is sacrilegious?
(And remember kids, curiosity doesn't kill cats, gun(smiley)s kill cats! Or was that "curiosity killed the cat"? :P)

it's not often around here that we get a first post as intelligent and thought out as yours, and most of them do have the "moving smileys" and most often the gun ones, I loathe the moving smileys, I am almost used to the fluffle, but only from certain persons.

oh, and it's "curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back" ;)

btw you are now on my list of "favorite posters" don't do anything to be bumped off. ;)

And purely in the interest of curiosity: Is there a secret NationStates Cult Of Worshippers Of The Holy Gunsmiley that I'm unaware of, if no-gun-smilies is sacrilegious?
(And remember kids, curiosity doesn't kill cats, gun(smiley)s kill cats! Or was that "curiosity killed the cat"? :P)

Yes, but nevermind that now, it's not relevant here. :)(Psst! It's secret, see?)

It's just that a posters first post usually is not as articulate as yours, and a first post usually contains an overabundance of gun smilies. Nobody really knows why this is, but it's a fact.

Welcome to NSGeneral. If you continue to write posts like these, you will get a cookie. (And maybe an invitation to the secret society!) ;)

btw you are now on my list of "favorite posters" don't do anything to be bumped off. ;)
:eek:

Yes, Godfather. We won't bump him off, rub him out or do anything without your authorization.
*Kisses Smunkeeville's ring*

(And maybe an invitation to the secret society!) ;)

:cool:

Welcome to NSGeneral. If you continue to write posts like these, you will get a cookie. (And maybe an invitation to the secret society!) ;)

Welcome, sure, but this secret society thing interests me...

Enough already with the welcomes ;)

If you guys keep this up we might be labeled thread hijackers, for turning this "intellectually stimulating debate" into a welcome thread, getting us all banned and kicked of Smunkee's favourite poster list!
and we wouldn't want to make Smunkee sad now, would we?

(note: all of above written by a person going :D, I suggest you do the same when reading it ;) )
[/:D]

Thank you for the warm welcome!

I Think I'll agree with smunkee on the "moving smileys", although I find the term to sound a little to much like "the-smileys-who-should-not-be-named".
Harry Potter may be primarily intended for children, but they were right when they said fear of the name promotes unnecesary fear of the object. Call it by name, face it for what it truly is, and the fear will often prove unnecesary.

I must say I'm a little amazed at the abundance of offensive smileys available in the selection. Almost like handing a pyromaniac (forum or otherwise) a match (metaphorically or not, respectively)
Rest assured that I don't plan on using them.

To come back, remotely, on topic: the gunsmileys and the Finger smiley are "shallow" (and ad hominem to throw in a big word). I can think of no way (except to illustrate a bad example) the gun and finger smileys can contribute meaningfully to a discussion.

And to gently further nudge ourselves back on topic even further:
The fluffle smiley is a case in itself. Although arguably a sign of positive feelings towards one, a good thing, I think over-zealous use of it would render one applicable to be labeled "slutty" in one of it's many "promiscuous" interpretations. ;)
Don't expect me to use it either, I'm more than a little uncomfortable doing that to persons in real life I'm physically attracted too, imagine the comfort-factor for purely platonical relationships such as here on the forum.
(assuming we keep it platonical ;) )
(By the way, thanks for indirectly explaining me what "to fluffle" means, I wondered what it meant in all the "anti-" and "pro-fluffle" sigs)

I'm curious, did I spark any inspiration in you to come up with an all-encompassing definition of "slutty", or will we leave it at this?

Chandelier, there are people out there that genuinely like you, if you won't take our word for it, believe statistics!
(I mean, there are over 6 billion people in this world, what are the odds that all of them won't like you? zero! As zero as anything can be in the world of statistics).

And besides, you already have two people in this thread liking you: me and FD!
I like the way you post. You type full sentences, and what you type full sentences about is worth reading. You have a self-insight I see rarely.
If you can show that much good qualities in only a few posts in the severly limiting conditions of language and ascii, then I can only imagine how wonderfull a person you must be in the flesh.

As for the dislike of skin: you're not alone.
And you seem to be on the right track: confront the phobia one little step by one little step at a time. Wear a skirt if you like!
Maybe a next step could be to watch your own skin and learn to not-fear that before you start with others' skin.
Your own body is nothing to be scared of! Not even something to be ashamed of (but I may not be in a secure enough position myself to say that...).


Thanks. I had thought about the statistics of it before, but I thought that the odds would be a lot less comforting because the chances that they would like me and I would like them, too, don't seem very good.

But I realize that you're right. Someone will probably like me someday. I'll just have to accept it eventually.

Fine: I say you're beautiful, and I have no bias at all toward any claim. I win. You lose. It's settled.:p

I hear that's half the fun. I'll let you know when I find out what happens when someone likes me.:p *waits for someone to like him*

Then believe me.

That's rather the point of commitment. Being closer than anyone else. Sharing hopes, dreams, fears, life.

That's not the part I have trouble with, though. Emotional closeness is something that I sort of want, but I think that what I'm really afraid of may be physical closeness.


Ask Gravlen. I just destroy people's perspectives, not give them new ones.:p

Then I'll just have to pound it into your brain: you are beautiful, and people will like you. You must accept that. You don't have much choice. Just take a few deep breaths and stop worrying about it. If people like you, they like you. Just smile and go with it.

:)

I'm trying to believe you, and I feel better now.


IRL, I would be too shy to tell you. I work on much more subtle levels. Probably why I fail, too.:-p


I don't have a solution for it yet. Maybe we could try to find one together.:)


And that is why I win.:cool:


Okay, I guess you win, then. Which is good, because if I won, it would really mean that I would lose by not believing in myself. (Does this make any sense? It probably doesn't.)

So anyway, thank you for believing in me. Now I just have to finish convincing myself.

Chandelier, there are people out there that genuinely like you, if you won't take our word for it, believe statistics!
(I mean, there are over 6 billion people in this world, what are the odds that all of them won't like you? zero! As zero as anything can be in the world of statistics).

And besides, you already have two people in this thread liking you: me and FD!
I like the way you post. You type full sentences, and what you type full sentences about is worth reading. You have a self-insight I see rarely.
If you can show that much good qualities in only a few posts in the severly limiting conditions of language and ascii, then I can only imagine how wonderfull a person you must be in the flesh.

As for the dislike of skin: you're not alone.
And you seem to be on the right track: confront the phobia one little step by one little step at a time. Wear a skirt if you like!
Maybe a next step could be to watch your own skin and learn to not-fear that before you start with others' skin.
Your own body is nothing to be scared of! Not even something to be ashamed of (but I may not be in a secure enough position myself to say that...).

FD, of course you can dream, but please change the sheets when you wake up, okay? And don't tell me about the dream, please don't ;)
And purely in the interest of curiosity: Is there a secret NationStates Cult Of Worshippers Of The Holy Gunsmiley that I'm unaware of, if no-gun-smilies is sacrilegious?
(And remember kids, curiosity doesn't kill cats, gun(smiley)s kill cats! Or was that "curiosity killed the cat"? :P)
To the first part about Chandelier: ;)

To the latter part about dreams: another ;)

:p
it's not often around here that we get a first post as intelligent and thought out as yours, and most of them do have the "moving smileys" and most often the gun ones, I loathe the moving smileys, I am almost used to the fluffle, but only from certain persons.

oh, and it's "curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back" ;)

btw you are now on my list of "favorite posters" don't do anything to be bumped off. ;)
Where the hell were you for my first post!?:eek:

And how does one get on that list? [/sly]
Enough already with the welcomes ;-)

If you guys keep this up we might be labeled thread hijackers, for turning this "intellectually stimulating debate" into a welcome thread, getting us all banned and kicked of Smunkee's favourite poster list!
and we wouldn't want to make Smunkee sad now, would we?

(note: all of above written by a person going :D, I suggest you do the same when reading it ;-) )
[/XD]

Thank you for the warm welcome!

I Think I'll agree with smunkee on the "moving smileys", although I find the term to sound a little to much like "the-smileys-who-should-not-be-named".
Harry Potter may be primarily intended for children, but they were right when they said fear of the name promotes unnecesary fear of the object. Call it by name, face it for what it truly is, and the fear will often prove unnecesary.

I must say I'm a little amazed at the abundance of offensive smileys available in the selection. Almost like handing a pyromaniac (forum or otherwise) a match (metaphorically or not, respectively)
Rest assured that I don't plan on using them.

To come back, remotely, on topic: the gunsmileys and the Finger smiley are "shallow" (and ad hominem to throw in a big word). I can think of no way (except to illustrate a bad example) the gun and finger smileys can contribute meaningfully to a discussion.

And to gently further nudge ourselves back on topic even further:
The fluffle smiley is a case in itself. Although arguably a sign of positive feelings towards one, a good thing, I think over-zealous use of it would render one applicable to be labeled "slutty" in one of it's many "promiscuous" interpretations. ;-)
Don't expect me to use it either, I'm more than a little uncomfortable doing that to persons in real life I'm physically attracted too, imagine the comfort-factor for purely platonical relationships such as here on the forum.
(assuming we keep it platonical ;-) )
(By the way, thanks for indirectly explaining me what "to fluffle" means, I wondered what it meant in all the "anti-" and "pro-fluffle" sigs)

I'm curious, did I spark any inspiration in you to come up with an all-encompassing definition of "slutty", or will we leave it at this?

[with group] Welcome, Cornflake guy! [/with group] :p

Purely Platonic, eh? [insert angel smiley]

Oh, and so you know...;) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11322138&postcount=385)

<snip>
I would even go so far as to say that humans will categorize fellow humans as follows:
1) fellow persons with feelings I care enough about to take into account when saying/doing things
2) things (or: "humans that don't matter to me")

Would it offend you if I called your mother a slut in her face (hypothetically of course, I'm not one for insults ;)), It probably would, as I would hurt her feelings. (And if it didn't, I hope your relationship with your mother will one day improve).
Would it offend you if I called the seventeenth girl you passed on your way to work/school today a slut to her face? Most probably not, what do you care about "random girl #17"? Not partiularly, usually. You may be bothered by my bad manners, or my apparent rude-ness, but you wouldn't feel for the girl specifically, because you don't know her. (in most circumstances at least).

There's a name for this concept:
The monkeysphere (http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/monkeysphere.html)
Wiki on the monkeysphere. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkeysphere)

I don't generally use the term "slutty" to describe how someone dresses. I'm more concerned with modest behavior than modest dress. In fact, I wouldn't really care if someone was going completely naked.

As for make up, I just say "too much make up" when it's too much.

Thanks. I had thought about the statistics of it before, but I thought that the odds would be a lot less comforting because the chances that they would like me and I would like them, too, don't seem very good.

But I realize that you're right. Someone will probably like me someday. I'll just have to accept it eventually.
Haven't you been reading anything I've posted? Or do random guys from Missouri not count?:(


That's not the part I have trouble with, though. Emotional closeness is something that I sort of want, but I think that what I'm really afraid of may be physical closeness.
I see....I'm shy enough, I didn't even want to address that, even though I knew what you meant...I have the same problem....



:)

I'm trying to believe you, and I feel better now.
Good! 'Cause I like you and it makes me happy to know you're feeling better.


Okay, I guess you win, then. Which is good, because if I won, it would really mean that I would lose by not believing in myself. (Does this make any sense? It probably doesn't.)

So anyway, thank you for believing in me. Now I just have to finish convincing myself.

Yes, it makes perfect sense. But you didn't win! I did. :cool:

No need to thank me. Thank yourself for being such a wonderful person.:)

Haven't you been reading anything I've posted? Or do random guys from Missouri not count?:(


I've read what you've been saying, but it just has to sink in.


I see....I'm shy enough, I didn't even want to address that, even though I knew what you meant...I have the same problem....

Good! 'Cause I like you and it makes me happy to know you're feeling better.

Yes, it makes perfect sense. But you didn't win! I did. :cool:

No need to thank me. Thank yourself for being such a wonderful person.:)

I know you won.:)

*thanks self*

I've read what you've been saying, but it just has to sink in.j
Do I need to get The Beautiful Darkness's comically oversized mallet and beat it into your cute little head?:p


I know you won.:)

*thanks self*

Okay, fine, I'll let you thank me if you really insist.:D:cool::p

Do I need to get The Beautiful Darkness's comically oversized mallet and beat it into your cute little head?:p


That probably won't be neccessary.


Okay, fine, I'll let you thank me if you really insist.:D:cool::p

All right, then. Thank you. :)

Thanks. I had thought about the statistics of it before, but I thought that the odds would be a lot less comforting because the chances that they would like me and I would like them, too, don't seem very good.

But I realize that you're right. Someone will probably like me someday. I'll just have to accept it eventually.



That's not the part I have trouble with, though. Emotional closeness is something that I sort of want, but I think that what I'm really afraid of may be physical closeness.



:)

I'm trying to believe you, and I feel better now.



Okay, I guess you win, then. Which is good, because if I won, it would really mean that I would lose by not believing in myself. (Does this make any sense? It probably doesn't.)

So anyway, thank you for believing in me. Now I just have to finish convincing myself.

I haven't been able to get into Jolt for a few days now so this is my first chance to reply for awhile. You can count me as a person who likes you. I am GLAD you are feeling better.
I also agree with Grav that step by step is a good way to go.
Best of luck to you and I'm hoping you keep us interested parties informed.

Do I need to get The Beautiful Darkness's comically oversized mallet and beat it into your cute little head?:p




Okay, fine, I'll let you thank me if you really insist.:D:cool::p

I'd like to thank you and Gravlen. I'm happy you picked up the slack while jolt was being mean to me and not letting me in.

I haven't been able to get into Jolt for a few days now so this is my first chance to reply for awhile. You can count me as a person who likes you.
I also agree with Grav that step by step is a good way to go.
Best of luck to you and I'm hoping you keep us interested parties informed.

Thanks.:)

I'm going to take it step by step. Wearing a skirt every once in a while seems to be about where I am now, and I'm only rarely getting nauseous now, which is good.

Chandelier, there are people out there that genuinely like you, if you won't take our word for it, believe statistics!
(I mean, there are over 6 billion people in this world, what are the odds that all of them won't like you? zero! As zero as anything can be in the world of statistics).

And besides, you already have two people in this thread liking you: me and FD!
I like the way you post. You type full sentences, and what you type full sentences about is worth reading. You have a self-insight I see rarely.
If you can show that much good qualities in only a few posts in the severly limiting conditions of language and ascii, then I can only imagine how wonderfull a person you must be in the flesh.

As for the dislike of skin: you're not alone.
And you seem to be on the right track: confront the phobia one little step by one little step at a time. Wear a skirt if you like!
Maybe a next step could be to watch your own skin and learn to not-fear that before you start with others' skin.
Your own body is nothing to be scared of! Not even something to be ashamed of (but I may not be in a secure enough position myself to say that...).

FD, of course you can dream, but please change the sheets when you wake up, okay? And don't tell me about the dream, please don't ;)
And purely in the interest of curiosity: Is there a secret NationStates Cult Of Worshippers Of The Holy Gunsmiley that I'm unaware of, if no-gun-smilies is sacrilegious?
(And remember kids, curiosity doesn't kill cats, gun(smiley)s kill cats! Or was that "curiosity killed the cat"? :P)

I'm fairly new here myself but I also like your posting style.
If you are looking for a Secret Society you can join the Midnight Flufflers.
We could use a few extras to help us in our battle against the emo conspiracy and the Anti-Fluffle League. You'd get cool tech toys and free Genetic Engineering from me and TBD! :fluffle: :D

Thanks.:)

I'm going to take it step by step. Wearing a skirt every once in a while seems to be about where I am now, and I'm only rarely getting nauseous now, which is good.

Um, I'm glad you said it wasn't too personal but from what I'm hearing all this may from an extreme fear of physical intimacy, sex.
Were you ever unfortunately subjected any sort of sexual abuse?
I certainly hope not but in my amateur opinion that could certainly cause to not want to see other's bare flesh and not want people too close of to obviously find you appealling or attractive.

I'd like to thank you and Gravlen. I'm happy you picked up the slack while jolt was being mean to me and not letting me in.

You're welcome. :) And welcome back :fluffle:

So that's why you've been absent recently. Bad Jolt, BAD Jolt! Jolt is in need of a good spanking! Yes it is!

...

...um, if you would excuse me...

*Sneaks out of thread*

Bumboat:
Thanks for the invitation, but as you can see in my previous posts, I'm not really the fluffling type...
free tech toys sounds cool though...
And if you don't mind, I'll do my own genetic engineering, I need the experience to build immortality genes :p

As for the topic (Yes, I'm optimistically trying to keep it up!):

Although I would feel quite uncomfortable in the presence of a nude person (probably just uncomfortable if he was male, uncomfortable+shy+curious+stunned if she was female...), I think I'd find the nude person less slutty than some persons I've seen clothed. There is something intruiging with the human body (or at least the bodies I'm currently thinking of) that defies slutty-ness.
It's just "all natural", and somehow that doesn't 'click' with sluttyness.

Sheni:
Thanks for pointing out the monkey sphere, it's EXACTLY what I mean, but with more examples! (although, the pointlesswasteoftime link explains it in some rather... populistic... terms ;) )

You can't call monkeys slutty, because you care about them!
(That would sound so strange out of context :P)

Chandelier:
You go girl! And if you ever need to step-by-step through dark alleys, just remember that there are people here who are willing to walk you home!
(or at least past the alley, if that's all you want ;))

its all about conqouring your fears there buddy

i was really anxious about using the bus the first time but ever since ive had no problem

I've recently been wondering this....Can guys be sluts????

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

The thread seems to have passed this point by a ways back, but here's my take on it.

From a man's position.
Sexy = You can probably have it, but you're going to have to show her that you deserve it.
Slutty = You can have it, but so can anyone else, and you suddenly realize that you like the chase.

From a woman's position.
Sexy = You can have it because you're a beautiful charming woman who has impressed him with your superior sense of style and air of unshakable confidence have impressed him deeply.
Slutty = same as above, but when you aren't feeling good about yourself. :D

Bumboat:
Chandelier:
You go girl! And if you ever need to step-by-step through dark alleys, just remember that there are people here who are willing to walk you home!
(or at least past the alley, if that's all you want ;))

That's good to know. :)

Um, I'm glad you said it wasn't too personal but from what I'm hearing all this may from an extreme fear of physical intimacy, sex.
Were you ever unfortunately subjected any sort of sexual abuse?
I certainly hope not but in my amateur opinion that could certainly cause to not want to see other's bare flesh and not want people too close of to obviously find you appealling or attractive.

I was never abused in any way, sexually or otherwise.

But I've always been afraid of physical intimacy. I think I messed myself up when I was a child by somehow convincing myself that it was wrong to start finding people attractive. That probably has something to with it, because I stopped thinking that people were attractive (or maybe I stopped noticing or caring?) around the time that I started trying to convince myself that it was wrong, around third grade.

Another thing- since I was maybe six I began making up nightmares for myself in order to stop my mind from wandering everywhere and keeping me from sleeping. The nightmares were pretty much always violent and most of the violence usually happened to me in the dream. I don't know if this has anything to do with the fears I've expressed in this thread, but I guess it might, and I've only stopped it within the last few years or so (although it still happens occasionally. Usually I can focus on other things, but sometimes I still do if I don't focus on something else. And I can come up with much more terrifying dreams now than when I was six.)

I've recently been wondering this....Can guys be sluts????

That's a tough one. Usually, when a man has sex with (or attempts to have sex with) anything that moves, he is considered a "stud", "player" and general epitome Of All That Is Manly.
Men are usually percieved to be in the dominant position, being the "chaser" and the "hunter", where a "slut" is usually someone who will be "prey" to anyone (and an easy prey at that).
The definition I proposed before stated "a female person", because this is usually the case.
I would however, even if purely for the sake of equal-treatment, say that a man can be a slut. He is just less likely to also be called one.

The thread seems to have passed this point by a ways back, but here's my take on it.

From a man's position.
Sexy = You can probably have it, but you're going to have to show her that you deserve it.
Slutty = You can have it, but so can anyone else, and you suddenly realize that you like the chase.

From a woman's position.
Sexy = You can have it because you're a beautiful charming woman who has impressed him with your superior sense of style and air of unshakable confidence have impressed him deeply.
Slutty = same as above, but when you aren't feeling good about yourself. :D

Domici, it may have seemed to have passed, but secretly, I'm trying to get it back on topic (partially), thanks for helping ;)
I must say your definition from the man's viewpoint is nearly poetic in it's accuracy. Well worded!
I fail however, to understand the woman's point of view. (I blame: Me being a man, and the fact that it's 2:37 here... AM, that is)

Chandi (If I may use a nickname, that is):
Maybe you can benefit from a trick that I used once when I had a series of nightmares. (It was rather creepy actually, the same scary story continued every night, only the "to be continued" before I woke up was missing).
To stop it, I started "dreaming" the dreams by day. Remembering and replaying the dream, but, now with the awesome power of an awake human mind (read: with my imagination) by my side, twisting the endings into something more enjoyable.
After a week or so, the day"dreams" started to flow back into my nightdreams, and the nightmares stopped.

In your case, I would personally dream up things along the lines of mentally projecting an invisible forcefield around yourself that diverts all the attacks. (or maybe visible, I like the colour baby-blue for "good" energy)
Then make the bad things act childish and pout like a baby because it can't hurt you, and to further complete the victory, you could then either laugh at the things, or go comfort them and be friends.
Or replace whatever instruments of pain used with feathers, so that they make you laugh instead of cry.

Of course, your own imagination is vastly better suited to thinking up apt scenario's here, so go with it!

I believe this process knocks out the legs under your subconciousness' fear-generating part:
How can you be afraid of the killer dinosaur that was chasing you when you have a, be it made-up, memory of seeing it swoon all watery-eyed over the cute pink lady-dinosaur, flowers and chocolates included?

It probably also combats the underlying fears at some subconcious level, but I'm no psychologist, so that's just a wild guess.

You could even try it pro-actively by being the one to start dreaming. Instead of waiting for a nightmare to show up, pick an old nightmare each day, and subvert those until you dream one of them with a happy ending at night.
I would personally advise against this, as I can imagine it could be damaging to go on recalling terryfying nightmares. Then again, we did state in the previous posts that the best way to combat fears is to actively confront them...

Good night, you all and may all your dreams have a happy ending (even if they start out badly)
Cornflakeistan signing out at 3:04 CET
(yes, I took more than half an hour to write this post. You are worth it ;))

That's good to know. :)



I was never abused in any way, sexually or otherwise.

But I've always been afraid of physical intimacy. I think I messed myself up when I was a child by somehow convincing myself that it was wrong to start finding people attractive. That probably has something to with it, because I stopped thinking that people were attractive (or maybe I stopped noticing or caring?) around the time that I started trying to convince myself that it was wrong, around third grade.

Another thing- since I was maybe six I began making up nightmares for myself in order to stop my mind from wandering everywhere and keeping me from sleeping. The nightmares were pretty much always violent and most of the violence usually happened to me in the dream. I don't know if this has anything to do with the fears I've expressed in this thread, but I guess it might, and I've only stopped it within the last few years or so (although it still happens occasionally. Usually I can focus on other things, but sometimes I still do if I don't focus on something else. And I can come up with much more terrifying dreams now than when I was six.)

Google Lucid Dreaming. Its more or less what Corn was trying to say I think.
Harnessing your imagination to deal with nightmares. Good luck with them in the future and I hope they stop entirely.

Chandi (If I may use a nickname, that is):
Maybe you can benefit from a trick that I used once when I had a series of nightmares. (It was rather creepy actually, the same scary story continued every night, only the "to be continued" before I woke up was missing).
To stop it, I started "dreaming" the dreams by day. Remembering and replaying the dream, but, now with the awesome power of an awake human mind (read: with my imagination) by my side, twisting the endings into something more enjoyable.
After a week or so, the day"dreams" started to flow back into my nightdreams, and the nightmares stopped.

In your case, I would personally dream up things along the lines of mentally projecting an invisible forcefield around yourself that diverts all the attacks. (or maybe visible, I like the colour baby-blue for "good" energy)
Then make the bad things act childish and pout like a baby because it can't hurt you, and to further complete the victory, you could then either laugh at the things, or go comfort them and be friends.
Or replace whatever instruments of pain used with feathers, so that they make you laugh instead of cry.

Of course, your own imagination is vastly better suited to thinking up apt scenario's here, so go with it!

I believe this process knocks out the legs under your subconciousness' fear-generating part:
How can you be afraid of the killer dinosaur that was chasing you when you have a, be it made-up, memory of seeing it swoon all watery-eyed over the cute pink lady-dinosaur, flowers and chocolates included?

It probably also combats the underlying fears at some subconcious level, but I'm no psychologist, so that's just a wild guess.

You could even try it pro-actively by being the one to start dreaming. Instead of waiting for a nightmare to show up, pick an old nightmare each day, and subvert those until you dream one of them with a happy ending at night.
I would personally advise against this, as I can imagine it could be damaging to go on recalling terryfying nightmares. Then again, we did state in the previous posts that the best way to combat fears is to actively confront them...

Good night, you all and may all your dreams have a happy ending (even if they start out badly)
Cornflakeistan signing out at 3:04 CET
(yes, I took more than half an hour to write this post. You are worth it ;))

Google Lucid Dreaming. Its more or less what Corn was trying to say I think.
Harnessing your imagination to deal with nightmares. Good luck with them in the future and I hope they stop entirely.

Thanks for the advice. What seems to work for me now is brainstorming ideas for the story I'm writing. And somehow some of the dreams got better sort of on their own. For example, once I was having a dream where I was being kidnapped, and it was scary, but then the Phantom of the Opera came and rescued me. So it was a bad dream that became a good dream. Now I can deal with nightmares a lot better than I could before. I used to wake up nauseous and sweating from them.

Bumboat, I'm not meaning lucid dreaming.
Lucid dreaming is taking over the dream while you are sleeping.
What I mean is "taking over" the dream while awake.
(By conciously, actively replaying/recalling/remembering the dream, but rewriting it as you do so).
Basically: do what movie-makers do when they say "based on a true story": take the story (dream) as you know it, and modify the details to your liking. (such as the the "detail" of a bad/happy ending).

Chandelier, you're writing a story?
I like stories :)
What's it about? If I may ask, that is.
any chance you are ever going to let others read it? I'd be interested.
I once tried writing stories, but that didn't work. Now I use the creative energy to fuel a D&D campaign.

I've recently been wondering this....Can guys be sluts????

I'm certainly trying. :p

Chandelier, you're writing a story?
I like stories :)
What's it about? If I may ask, that is.
any chance you are ever going to let others read it? I'd be interested.
I once tried writing stories, but that didn't work. Now I use the creative energy to fuel a D&D campaign.

Yes. I write Phantom of the Opera fan fiction and some original science fiction and poetry. They're online. The links are in my signature.

The main story is about what happens when a character based on me marries the Phantom of the Opera (although not entirely by choice). It's currently about 111 or 112 pages.

Wow 30 pages. This is my longest thread yet!

Whining about how women dress nowadays and how it results in being with "bad men" or being mistreated is obviously sexist.


Yep ... I believe it is called "victim blaming."

Thanks. I had thought about the statistics of it before, but I thought that the odds would be a lot less comforting because the chances that they would like me and I would like them, too, don't seem very good.

But I realize that you're right. Someone will probably like me someday. I'll just have to accept it eventually.
Do I not count because I'm a random guy from Missouri?:(


That's not the part I have trouble with, though. Emotional closeness is something that I sort of want, but I think that what I'm really afraid of may be physical closeness.
Sorry, my new toy has me so..erm, distracted *blushes*...that I can't remember how I wanted to reply to this...

:-)

I'm trying to believe you, and I feel better now.
Good! You're a lovely young woman who deserves to feel good about herself. And I refuse to let you feel otherwise.:)

Okay, I guess you win, then. Which is good, because if I won, it would really mean that I would lose by not believing in myself. (Does this make any sense? It probably doesn't.)

So anyway, thank you for believing in me. Now I just have to finish convincing myself.
Oh, it makes perfect sense. But you lost...and therefore, won.:D

Then hop to it; you've got a lot of promise and even more to offer. Now all you need is someone with whom you can share yourself, in any regard. But one thing at a time, and all things in their season, as it must be.
That probably won't be neccessary.



All right, then. Thank you. :-)
Well, if it ever is, just let me know.:p

You are most welcome. Should you ever have need of me again, TG me. I'll try to respond as timely as possible. I'm always around to listen, even if it takes a little time for me to get back to you.:)
I haven't been able to get into Jolt for a few days now so this is my first chance to reply for awhile. You can count me as a person who likes you. I am GLAD you are feeling better.
I also agree with Grav that step by step is a good way to go.
Best of luck to you and I'm hoping you keep us interested parties informed.
*adds self to the list of interested parties*
I'd like to thank you and Gravlen. I'm happy you picked up the slack while jolt was being mean to me and not letting me in.
No need to thank me. I would have done it regardless. I didn't do it for you. I did it as much for myself as for her. I couldn't let a perfectly wonderful girl depriciate herself so badly. It's too much a travesty for even my refrigerated heart.
Um, I'm glad you said it wasn't too personal but from what I'm hearing all this may from an extreme fear of physical intimacy, sex.
Were you ever unfortunately subjected any sort of sexual abuse?
I certainly hope not but in my amateur opinion that could certainly cause to not want to see other's bare flesh and not want people too close of to obviously find you appealling or attractive.
I had posted a reply to all of these, but I guess the servers didn't hold several of the posts I made then. Anywho, at the time, I was thinking about how I was afraid of it myself for various reasons. But now, I think I'm just nervous about it. I don't expect it to happen anytime soon, but....I dunno. I've just got a feeling about it.....
*relinqueshes control of thread that it might resume normal operations*
As for the topic (Yes, I'm optimistically trying to keep it up!)
Well, sluts'll do that sometimes.:p
Chandelier:
You go girl! And if you ever need to step-by-step through dark alleys, just remember that there are people here who are willing to walk you home!
(or at least past the alley, if that's all you want ;-))
Hey, I like to loiter in dark alleys (figuratively speaking), and I don't appreciate the insinuation!:mad: But yes, I'd be more than happy to walk her through all the way home, if she so desired.:)
That's a tough one. Usually, when a man has sex with (or attempts to have sex with) anything that moves, he is considered a "stud", "player" and general epitome Of All That Is Manly.
Men are usually percieved to be in the dominant position, being the "chaser" and the "hunter", where a "slut" is usually someone who will be "prey" to anyone (and an easy prey at that).
The definition I proposed before stated "a female person", because this is usually the case.
I would however, even if purely for the sake of equal-treatment, say that a man can be a slut. He is just less likely to also be called one.



Domici, it may have seemed to have passed, but secretly, I'm trying to get it back on topic (partially), thanks for helping ;)
I must say your definition from the man's viewpoint is nearly poetic in it's accuracy. Well worded!
I fail however, to understand the woman's point of view. (I blame: Me being a man, and the fact that it's 2:37 here... AM, that is)

Chandi (If I may use a nickname, that is):
Maybe you can benefit from a trick that I used once when I had a series of nightmares. (It was rather creepy actually, the same scary story continued every night, only the "to be continued" before I woke up was missing).
To stop it, I started "dreaming" the dreams by day. Remembering and replaying the dream, but, now with the awesome power of an awake human mind (read: with my imagination) by my side, twisting the endings into something more enjoyable.
After a week or so, the day"dreams" started to flow back into my nightdreams, and the nightmares stopped.

In your case, I would personally dream up things along the lines of mentally projecting an invisible forcefield around yourself that diverts all the attacks. (or maybe visible, I like the colour baby-blue for "good" energy)
Then make the bad things act childish and pout like a baby because it can't hurt you, and to further complete the victory, you could then either laugh at the things, or go comfort them and be friends.
Or replace whatever instruments of pain used with feathers, so that they make you laugh instead of cry.

Of course, your own imagination is vastly better suited to thinking up apt scenario's here, so go with it!

I believe this process knocks out the legs under your subconciousness' fear-generating part:
How can you be afraid of the killer dinosaur that was chasing you when you have a, be it made-up, memory of seeing it swoon all watery-eyed over the cute pink lady-dinosaur, flowers and chocolates included?

It probably also combats the underlying fears at some subconcious level, but I'm no psychologist, so that's just a wild guess.

You could even try it pro-actively by being the one to start dreaming. Instead of waiting for a nightmare to show up, pick an old nightmare each day, and subvert those until you dream one of them with a happy ending at night.
I would personally advise against this, as I can imagine it could be damaging to go on recalling terryfying nightmares. Then again, we did state in the previous posts that the best way to combat fears is to actively confront them...

Good night, you all and may all your dreams have a happy ending (even if they start out badly)
Cornflakeistan signing out at 3:04 CET
(yes, I took more than half an hour to write this post. You are worth it ;-))

Yes, she is worth it, but I could only manage to bring myself to read half of it.:p [/otherwise preoccupied]

Do I not count because I'm a random guy from Missouri?:(


You count, I guess.


Good! You're a lovely young woman who deserves to feel good about herself. And I refuse to let you feel otherwise.:)

You're really making me blush, you know...


Oh, it makes perfect sense. But you lost...and therefore, won.:D

Yes. :)


Then hop to it; you've got a lot of promise and even more to offer. Now all you need is someone with whom you can share yourself, in any regard. But one thing at a time, and all things in their season, as it must be.


*nods*


Well, if it ever is, just let me know.:p

You are most welcome. Should you ever have need of me again, TG me. I'll try to respond as timely as possible. I'm always around to listen, even if it takes a little time for me to get back to you.:)


All right.:)


*adds self to the list of interested parties*
[/QUOTE]

Your interest is noted.;)

You count, I guess.
Who're you kidding? I'm a random guy from Missouri. I don't count for anything.:p

You're really making me blush, you know...
My, what a cute thought that is: an attractive young lady such as yourself blushing....*daydreams*;)

Yes. :)



*nods*



All right.:)



Your interest is noted.;)

It's Platonic at this point, mind you.:p

Who're you kidding? I'm a random guy from Missouri. I don't count for anything.:p

You're right, but you do count in the statistics figuring, though, and that's what I was referring to.


My, what a cute thought that is: an attractive young lady such as yourself blushing....*daydreams*;)

I'm not used to so many compliments.



It's Platonic at this point, mind you.:p

Good.:)

You're right, but you do count in the statistics figuring, though, and that's what I was referring to.
Yay!:D

I'm not used to so many compliments.
Sorry it's so few. I'll try to think up some more for you.;):p

Good.:)

Why yes. Yes, I am. [/sleazy] :p

Yay!:D


Sorry it's so few. I'll try to think up some more for you.;):p



Why yes. Yes, I am. [/sleazy] :p

:)

All right. Thanks.;)

Good?

Did anyone point out to Chandelier that if she had to convince herself that she is not beautiful in order to avoid closeness, then she must in fact be beautiful, else it would not have taken convincing and so much time to entrench that belief?


OT, there is no line between sexy and slutty, slutty is just choosing an inappropriate time or place to be sexy.

Did anyone point out to Chandelier that if she had to convince herself that she is not beautiful in order to avoid closeness, then she must in fact be beautiful, else it would not have taken convincing and so much time to entrench that belief?


That's a good point. I don't know, but you may be right.

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

Is there a line for men too?

Slutty is when really ugly girls try too hard to be sexy

I think thats a realy mean thing to say, I mean an ugly person to u might be a beautiful person to somone else, and if theve got a good personalaty, who cares how they dress?

That's a good point. I don't know, but you may be right.

I'm rarely wrong, it's one of my few virtues... ;)

Also, your sig links go to a profile of yours, do you have a link to your actual story?

I'm rarely wrong, it's one of my few virtues... ;)

Also, your sig links go to a profile of yours, do you have a link to your actual story?

Yes. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2606771/1/

Is there a line for men too?

In fact, yes there is. and it's this, Having your pants hang down below your ass makes you look stupid! No one wants to see your tighty whities or pink bunnies boxers! Buy a damn belt!

:D

and who changed my title? Also, how do I find out if I have a warning or several?

I maintain this is your way of gloating about your figure.;):p

Nnnnoooo...it's not. I am tall and average but I can't wear just anything. I can easily look either very thin or very not thin, depending on my choice of dress. That's all.

I love how "slutty" was changed to "unbecoming of a lady".

Man, am I the only who is being randomly logged out every 10 minutes or so? Grrrrrr.

And aaaaaaaaaw, I'm out of your sig WYTYG :(
*Cries* Awww, don't cry. *pats*:fluffle:

See, everybody is out of my sig. It was time to change it, especially after someone told me I was living for that "pack of stray dogs" or whatever it was and I realized that maybe the Woody Allen quote wasn't self-deprecating enough anymore to outweigh the ego overkill of at least two of the three links...

So, basically: you kicked yourself out of my sig. :D Hehehehe.

Man, am I the only who is being randomly logged out every 10 minutes or so? Grrrrrr.

Awww, don't cry. *pats*:fluffle:

See, everybody is out of my sig. It was time to change it, especially after someone told me I was living for that "pack of stray dogs" or whatever it was and I realized that maybe the Woody Allen quote wasn't self-deprecating enough anymore to outweigh the ego overkill of at least two of the three links...

So, basically: you kicked yourself out of my sig. :D Hehehehe.
How stuck up!!!1

Man, am I the only who is being randomly logged out every 10 minutes or so? Grrrrrr.
Yes?

Awww, don't cry. *pats*:fluffle:
*Sniffles* :fluffle: *Blows nose*

See, everybody is out of my sig. It was time to change it, especially after someone told me I was living for that "pack of stray dogs" or whatever it was and I realized that maybe the Woody Allen quote wasn't self-deprecating enough anymore to outweigh the ego overkill of at least two of the three links...

So, basically: you kicked yourself out of my sig. :D Hehehehe.
Ah... I meant that the "pack of stray virgin dogs" (That was FD's thing, don't ask me) were living for you, not the other way around you know. ;)

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Seeing as how I have no sig of my own I shall not complain. :)

(I could try to turn this on topic and say that it would be sexy to be quoted in a sig, but I couldn't say that it would be unbecoming of a lady to not sig every fun thing I say so I'll leave it alone :p )

How stuck up!!!1
Shush you. Where's my new hat, eh? All talk and poll options, no action. :rolleyes: (http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif)

Ah... I meant that the "pack of stray virgin dogs" (That was FD's thing, don't ask me) were living for you, not the other way around you know. ;) Sweetie, I know exactly what you meant. And, to a degree, you are of course right. But that degree is way lower than you think, believe it or not. ;)
If one weren't opposed to the terminology and the double standard of the topic of this thread to begin with, one might almost say I'm all about the sexy, not so much about the slutty, sig wise. :p

But I still have the links, and I've been know to recycle sigs, so never say never.

Shush you. Where's my new hat, eh? All talk and poll options, no action. :rolleyes: (http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif)
Well I've been busy trying to take a picture of a sp***r out on the porch.. :cool:

TG btw, :rolleyes:



I think my IQ is too low to understand that new title..:p

Sweetie, I know exactly what you meant. And, to a degree, you are of course right. But that degree is way lower than you think, believe it or not. ;)
If one weren't opposed to the terminology and the double standard of the topic of this thread to begin with, one might almost say I'm all about the sexy, not so much about the slutty, sig wise. :p

But I still have the links, and I've been know to recycle sigs, so never say never.
:eek: You tease! Keeping it interesting, and making us want to come back and check out your sig another day, eh? You sure do know how to drive a man wild with your sexy ways. ;)


(That man being, of course, Ruffy :p)

Well I've been busy trying to take a picture of a sp***r out on the porch.. :cool:

TG btw, :rolleyes:



I think my IQ is too low to understand that new title..:p
Well, my IQ is too low to decipher the word you censored. :p :confused:

Man, am I the only who is being randomly logged out every 10 minutes or so? Grrrrrr.



That was happening to me much earlier.

That was happening to me much earlier. Great. Maybe it will randomly stop again. Then again, I still involuntarily get subscribed to every single thread I post in after I voluntarily subscribed to one once, at least half a year ago. :rolleyes:

:eek: You tease! Keeping it interesting, and making us want to come back and check out your sig another day, eh? You sure do know how to drive a man wild with your sexy ways. ;)My, aren't we spammy tonight? ;p Don't you like my new sig? :(
(That man being, of course, Ruffy :p) Of course.

Keep your shirts on, this will be reopened in a moment.

*hopes hes not on Kat's bad side for adding to the mess*
*apologises*
*flees*

Hot Rodia did it. Just like he decides to moderate every single little inconsistincy he finds.When Hot Rodia was selected to become a moderator.Yes, it does seem the power is going to Hot-Rodia's head.Yeah, but notice the moderation has reached a critical point since Hot Rodia became a moderator. He's doing EVERYTHING that needs moderation, even the things that are usually left alone.It's not just the titles, Kat. It's everything. Hot Rodia is becoming a megalomaniac. If he sees ANYTHING wrong, even the slightest little HINT of a flame, he goes and punishes whomever he sees fit.It's Hot Rodia and no one else. And I wouldn't be suprised if he did actually go in and edit every single little post...Hot RodiaActually, there is no place to take it to. I cannot complain about moderators, as the NS forums are not a democracy.It's not that he's moderating WRONGLY, it's that he's far too overzealous in his job. Most mods, like Katganistan, and Tactical Grace before Hot Rodia came in, put humor in there moderating. Or at they least got straight to the point and said: "Idiot. Your thread is locked", or something to the sort. Hot Rodia has to go into this long monologue about how the thread is innappropriate, telling us where to read the rules, whle essentially reitirating them at the same time, and then once more explaining why the thread is innapropriate. Also, he has a tendency to edit every single little problem. Usually mods just decide to let that tiny hint of a flame pass, but not Hot Rodia. He has to make sure NSG is perfect.If I do that, then Hot Rodia will be able to discover it much faster.Gawd. 10 posts in a row reviling a forum mod over a thread you didn't even start? Can you say "overreaction"?

Naliitr, you seem to have decided that moderating the forums is your job, not ours. At least that's the conclusion I've come to, based on the huge number of "report this post to a mod" emails we've gotten from you. Here's a little tip for you ... Max chose us as mods. He didn't choose you.There is absolutely nothing about this thread that justifies your complaint in moderation, nor will you find much backing among 99% of the players. I can pretty much assure you that you will not find any backing among 100% of the site owners as well.

Chill out. Now.

(I realize Kat is probably composing a similar post right now, so I'll leave any actual ruling to her.)

[brief hijack]
lighten up about Hotrodia... a new mod, testing his/her wings... give the new mod a break. [gets beaten up by the feds for hijacking and taken to Gitmo.... inother words... /hijack]

Slutty and Sexy are dependant not only on who views them but the attitude of those... err... portraying their sexuality/sluttiness.

[brief hijack]
lighten up about Hotrodia... a new mod, testing his/her wings... give the new mod a break. [gets beaten up by the feds for hijacking and taken to Gitmo.... inother words... /hijack]

Slutty and Sexy are dependant not only on who views them but the attitude of those... err... portraying their sexuality/sluttiness.

Agreed to your hijack, and agreed to your non-highjack.

In one of my recent blog post, I commented on why women sometimes get hooked up with bad guys, or mistreated, and one of the thing I commented on was how women dress. I think there is a line between dressing sexy, and dressing like a prositute. However, the question is, where is this line? I think if you can see the woman's bra, or one sneeze from the woman the suprise is out, then they crossed the line. Also, you can sometimes tell when they crossed the line. So what do yall think, is there a line between Sexy and Slutty, and where is that line?

So, are you trying to say that if a woman dresses in a way that is, by your standard, slutty, she is deserving of abuse? Or is this just a general comment on how women dress.

I do think there's a line between looking sexy and just looking...well, bad. Personally, I'm more unnerved by the line between sexy and just scary -- you know, the type who looks hot as all hell, but you're kind of scared she'll rip your throat out or you'll wake up in a bathtub, missing an organ or two.

I do think there's a line between looking sexy and just looking...well, bad. Personally, I'm more unnerved by the line between sexy and just scary -- you know, the type who looks hot as all hell, but you're kind of scared she'll rip your throat out or you'll wake up in a bathtub, missing an organ or two.

Yeah, I've seen women like that. So do you look and move on or are you attracted to them?

Keep your shirts on,

I love it that you can even stay on topic while moderating and splitting threads. Kat you are a credit to the species.

Yeah, I've seen women like that. So do you look and move on or are you attracted to them?

Glance, avoid eye contact, and slowly back away...before running like a bitch.

:-)

All right. Thanks.;-)

Good?
You're so....umm...*thinks naive but says* innocent....It's really quite endearing.:)

Yes, good!:p
Did anyone point out to Chandelier that if she had to convince herself that she is not beautiful in order to avoid closeness, then she must in fact be beautiful, else it would not have taken convincing and so much time to entrench that belief?
It doesn't matter. She knows she's beautiful. That's all that matters.
That's a good point. I don't know, but you may be right.
It doesn't change who you are, how wonderful you are.
I'm rarely wrong, it's one of my few virtues... ;-)

Also, your sig links go to a profile of yours, do you have a link to your actual story?
This time, perhaps. That's really more my virtue.:p
Nnnnoooo...it's not. I am tall and average but I can't wear just anything. I can easily look either very thin or very not thin, depending on my choice of dress. That's all.
Well, stop that and start gloating, damnit!:D
I love how "slutty" was changed to "unbecoming of a lady".
I think it's classy.
Man, am I the only who is being randomly logged out every 10 minutes or so? Grrrrrr.

Awww, don't cry. *pats*:flufle:

See, everybody is out of my sig. It was time to change it, especially after someone told me I was living for that "pack of stray dogs" or whatever it was and I realized that maybe the Woody Allen quote wasn't self-deprecating enough anymore to outweigh the ego overkill of at least two of the three links...

So, basically: you kicked yourself out of my sig. :-D Hehehehe.
Stray virgins, actually.:p
How stuck up!!!1
Indeed.
Yes?

*Sniffles* :flufle: *Blows nose*

Ah... I meant that the "pack of stray virgin dogs" (That was FD's thing, don't ask me) were living for you, not the other way around you know. ;-)

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Seeing as how I have no sig of my own I shall not complain. :-)

(I could try to turn this on topic and say that it would be sexy to be quoted in a sig, but I couldn't say that it would be unbecoming of a lady to not sig every fun thing I say so I'll leave it alone :-p )
No, just virgins....
Shush you. Where's my new hat, eh? All talk and poll options, no action. :roleyes: (http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif)

Sweetie, I know exactly what you meant. And, to a degree, you are of course right. But that degree is way lower than you think, believe it or not. ;-)
If one weren't opposed to the terminology and the double standard of the topic of this thread to begin with, one might almost say I'm all about the sexy, not so much about the slutty, sig wise. :-p

But I still have the links, and I've been know to recycle sigs, so never say never.
You're right. Only only live to multi-quote properly in your honor.:p
Well I've been busy trying to take a picture of a sp***r out on the porch.. :cool:

TG btw, :roleyes:



I think my IQ is too low to understand that new title..:-p
Yeah, probably.
:eek: You tease! Keeping it interesting, and making us want to come back and check out your sig another day, eh? You sure do know how to drive a man wild with your sexy ways. ;-)


(That man being, of course, Ruffy :-p)
Not just Ruffy.;)
Great. Maybe it will randomly stop again. Then again, I still involuntarily get subscribed to every single thread I post in after I voluntarily subscribed to one once, at least half a year ago. :roleyes:

My, aren't we spammy tonight? ;p Don't you like my new sig? :-(
Of course.
I like your new sig. *doesn't look*
Keep your shirts on, this will be reopened in a moment.
I'd have to have one on first....
Gawd. 10 posts in a row reviling a forum mod over a thread you didn't even start? Can you say "overreaction"?

Naliitr, you seem to have decided that moderating the forums is your job, not ours. At least that's the conclusion I've come to, based on the huge number of "report this post to a mod" emails we've gotten from you. Here's a little tip for you ... Max chose us as mods. He didn't choose you.There is absolutely nothing about this thread that justifies your complaint in moderation, nor will you find much backing among 99% of the players. I can pretty much assure you that you will not find any backing among 100% of the site owners as well.

Chill out. Now.

(I realize Kat is probably composing a similar post right now, so I'll leave any actual ruling to her.)
Hey, keep it on-topic, wouldja?:p
I love it that you can even stay on topic while moderating and splitting threads. Kat you are a credit to the species.
I think it's sexy and very becoming of a lady. *nods*

You're so....umm...*thinks naive but says* innocent....It's really quite endearing.:)

Yes, good!:p

It doesn't matter. She knows she's beautiful. That's all that matters.

It doesn't change who you are, how wonderful you are.

This time, perhaps. That's really more my virtue.:p

Well, stop that and start gloating, damnit!:D

I think it's classy.

Stray virgins, actually.:p

Indeed.

No, just virgins....

You're right. Only only live to multi-quote properly in your honor.:p

Yeah, probably.

Not just Ruffy.;)

I like your new sig. *doesn't look*

I'd have to have one on first....

Hey, keep it on-topic, wouldja?:p

I think it's sexy and very becoming of a lady. *nods*

Ah, the Spam King. Welcome back. :)

Ah, the Spam King. Welcome back. :)

Thanks.:)
It's probably temporary, until I realize just how much work I need to do.:D

Thanks.:)
It's probably temporary, until I realize just how much work I need to do.:D

Surely you don't have one of those jobs that gives out homework? :eek:

Surely you don't have one of those jobs that gives out homework? :eek:

I've got both kinds of jobs: homework and money.:(

I've got both kinds of jobs: homework and money.:(

Well if the money outranks the homework...

Well if the money outranks the homework...

Nah, not really....But I could use some money.....I should do some work....Curse my laziness for taking advantagle of "flexible hours!"

You're so....umm...*thinks naive but says* innocent....It's really quite endearing.:)

Yes, good!:p

Hmm...both are true, really.


It doesn't matter. She knows she's beautiful. That's all that matters.

It doesn't change who you are, how wonderful you are.

Thanks:)

It doesn't matter. She knows she's beautiful. That's all that matters.

It doesn't change who you are, how wonderful you are.

This time, perhaps. That's really more my virtue.:p


This time?
You're saying that I'm wrong and that she's not beautiful and convincing herself otherwise???

I think one of us is confused.

Hmm...both are true, really.
:eek: Lies! Yeah, but I was trying to be a little nice about it.:p

Thanks:)
You are more than welcome to the truth! I'm just a keeper of it.;)
This time?
You're saying that I'm wrong and that she's not beautiful and convincing herself otherwise???

I think one of us is confused.

You, methinks.:rolleyes:

So, are you trying to say that if a woman dresses in a way that is, by your standard, slutty, she is deserving of abuse? Or is this just a general comment on how women dress.

A general comment on how women dress.

:eek: Lies! Yeah, but I was trying to be a little nice about it.:p

I know. Thanks.:p


You are more than welcome to the truth! I'm just a keeper of it.;)


:)All right.

I know. Thanks.:p
Why are you thanking me? You should probably find it insulting that I tried to sugar-coat it a little for you.:P


:)All right.

*slinks back into the shadows*:)

Chandelier, I've been reading the first few chapters of your Phantom story, and I must say I like it
I haven't read (or seen) the original Phantom of the Opera, but I think you have a nice amount of subtle references implanted, and I like subtle references ;)
I also suddenly have a new understanding of your "location" (the "fifth cellar" bit), which I suddenly find a bit... morbid?

The flame-headed zombie story, although it started out well, ended a little over the top in my opinion, but I understand you wrote this some time ago. You improved!
(I mean: nuclear holocaust, zombie attack and an alien invasion, all at the same time? I hope we never get that screwed in real life!)

I would say that writing stories is very "becoming of a lady", and also a sign of creativity and intelligence I would find most attractive in any potential Significant Other. ;)
(Although one could debate that there is a way of storywriting that is very "unbecoming", I wouldn't categorize your stories there.)

@slutty men issue:
I think men in general aren't considered "slutty" ("unbecoming of a lady doesn't fit here very well, does it?) because of a certain double standard.
Usually, men will label someone slutty, and we have already established that "slutty" behaviour in men is generally considered a sign of manlyness.
So men can't be "slutty", but they can behave like them.
(By the way, I do not agree with this, but it is how I see what it's like in the world a.t.m.)


*supports Frisbeetaria and Katganistan*
Naliitr was indeed a bit disruptive here...


Angry Fruit Salad:
I know the type. They have something incredibly interesting and/or attractive about them, but I think that mostly flows from the adreneline-junky side in each and every man. In the end, I don't think I could build a wholesome relationship with a girl like that. (Although I can imagine the adreneline junkies could).

honestly as a girl I would say it is to keep it private. like wearing sexy colthes under a jacket and show it privately only to a boyfriend. If you walk around half dressed all the time then that's slutty, it's about being faithful and private.

honestly as a girl I would say it is to keep it private. like wearing sexy colthes under a jacket and show it privately only to a boyfriend. If you walk around half dressed all the time then that's slutty, it's about being faithful and private.

What about women who don't have boyfriends? Should they not do it at all, then?:p Kinda defeats the purpose, too. [/Devil's advocate]

Latonic, dressing sexy (in my opinion) doesn't necessarily mean you walk around half-naked.
Smunkee's husband put it quite aptly:
"does it make me wonder or can I actually see it?"
If you look at it like this, the more you cover, the sexier you look!
of course, there are dozens of ways to cover yourself, and by far not all of them are sexy, but you can accentuate just about everything while showing no skin at all.
Walking around half-naked all the time would indeed be very "unbecoming of a lady" ;) (also for men btw.)

Also, "sexy" isn't just in clothes, it's also in behaviour. Sexy behaviour is much like clothing in this respect: "does she make me wonder or not?" In other words: a little teasy, but subtle about it.
(not teasy as in: humping up to you, and then walking away, but more like making eyecontact, then glancing away. And then for the entire evening, with a seductive smile sometimes).

I don't feel dressing sexy is something "unfaithfull".
Acting on the dozens of avances one would get by succesfully dressing sexy, now that would be unfaithfull, but just dressing sexy in public isn't.
(In fact, the fact that you're already taken, and therefor unreachable, adds even more to the sexy-ness in my book.)

Although I can see a point in your reasoning. I wouldn't like it if the girlfriend I just met continued go out, dressed sexily, and seducing men all around. I would want her to do it for me, and for me alone.
It's the intention that counts: If she dresses specially for herself or for me, I would have no problem with the world seeing it, I think it would even make me proud. But if she dressed up for the world and not me (or not me in specific), I would start asking questions.
(Yes, this is could potentially be hypocritical, I'm still self-investigating me on this. It's also purely hypothetically speaking, as I've yet to encounter a girlfriend to help me test my theories about my jealousy and her sexyness).

The "private" thing is also worth debating. There is always a certain excitement, and the related sexy-ness, in stretching this.
There is something about the world seeing your beauty and radiance, knowing that it's not for them, but reserved for that special person only.
I can't word it properly, but it's there.

Why are you thanking me? You should probably find it insulting that I tried to sugar-coat it a little for you.:P


I really don't know why I'm thanking you. But you still mentioned "naive" so you didn't completely sugar-coat it.


*slinks back into the shadows*:)

*activates night vision*
I can still see you!:)

Chandelier, I've been reading the first few chapters of your Phantom story, and I must say I like it
I haven't read (or seen) the original Phantom of the Opera, but I think you have a nice amount of subtle references implanted, and I like subtle references ;)
I also suddenly have a new understanding of your "location" (the "fifth cellar" bit), which I suddenly find a bit... morbid?

Thank you. :) It was meant to be a little bit morbid.


The flame-headed zombie story, although it started out well, ended a little over the top in my opinion, but I understand you wrote this some time ago. You improved!
(I mean: nuclear holocaust, zombie attack and an alien invasion, all at the same time? I hope we never get that screwed in real life!)

It was intentionally over the top. That's why I always laugh when I read over it, but that's what the assignment was, basically. We had to have fantastic details and three "monsters" (in my case, the aliens, the zombies, and the mutated manatees), and it had to be entertaining. It was really fun to write, and I basically just decided that I hated my main character after the first page or so. Which made it much easier to have the ending the way I wanted it.

I would say that writing stories is very "becoming of a lady", and also a sign of creativity and intelligence I would find most attractive in any potential Significant Other. ;)
(Although one could debate that there is a way of storywriting that is very "unbecoming", I wouldn't categorize your stories there.)

:)

Oh noes! On-topic post!:eek:
*flees for life*

I really don't know why I'm thanking you. But you still mentioned "naive" so you didn't completely sugar-coat it.
Because you appreciate me.:) And yes, I did. Comic relief.;)


*activates night vision*
I can still see you!:)
Yes, but why would you want to see me?:confused:


It was intentionally over the top. That's why I always laugh when I read over it, but that's what the assignment was, basically. We had to have fantastic details and three "monsters" (in my case, the aliens, the zombies, and the mutated manatees), and it had to be entertaining. It was really fun to write, and I basically just decided that I hated my main character after the first page or so. Which made it much easier to have the ending the way I wanted it.
I like to write tihngs like that for assignments.:) But mine tend to include elements akin to Monty Python.:p

:)
That's nothing I haven't already told you.;)

Because you appreciate me.:) And yes, I did. Comic relief.;)

Yes, but why would you want to see me?:confused:


I don't know. It was a random comment.

You, methinks.:rolleyes:

OK then, I have no idea what you meant in your replies to me.

Oh noes! On-topic post!:eek:
*flees for life*

FD, on-topic posts are nothing to be afraid of!
We just helped Chandelier overcome some fears (or are helping, if you will), do we need to help you too?
There is nothing wrong with posting on-topic. It deepens people's respect for your intelligence, and would slowly show that your reputation as a mindless spammer is overrated...

Wait, I suddenly understand a lot of your fears.
It's okay, you can run away from things that would make you lose the core essence of your being ;)

And sorry for scaring you, It's just that I find this topic interesting, interesting enough even to become a (semi-)active poster on NS general.

In the end, I don't think anyone can truly be a slut.
the average type to be called "slut" is probably very insecure, and resorts to desperate measures to get any (male) attention. (And remember: negative attention is attention too!). Eventually they will grow over it, and stop being acting like sluts

The types that really just love to have sex with any- and everyone will eventually reach a certain agreement with themselves about their true identity, and this self-insightfull agreement presumably learns them better ways than sluttyness. The fact that they know their true selves prohibits them from being sluts, they just become "honest people who like sex".

So I think I'll expand my definition, thereby further limiting the potential "victims" of it:
"sluttyness" is a mask you wear.
You either seek to much attention by being a slut before coming to terms with your non-slutty true-self-worthy-of-attention-in-other-ways, or you come to terms with the fact that you like sex (assuming the "promiscuous" type of slut), and start being honest about it, thereby eliminating you as a slut, and labeling you as "someone who honestly likes sex".

Uhm...I don't know wether I should begin with addressing your sexism or your weird theory. :confused:

Sexism? I didn't think the OP sounded like a sexist man. Sounded more like an old lady.

I don't know. It was a random comment.

It was clever and playful. I like it.:)

It was clever and playful. I like it.:)

Thanks.

Now I remember! I can't aim the chandelier properly if I can't see!:)

OK then, I have no idea what you meant in your replies to me.
I thought not...
FD, on-topic posts are nothing to be afraid of!
We just helped Chandelier overcome some fears (or are helping, if you will), do we need to help you too?
There is nothing wrong with posting on-topic. It deepens people's respect for your intelligence, and would slowly show that your reputation as a mindless spammer is overrated...

Wait, I suddenly understand a lot of your fears.
It's okay, you can run away from things that would make you lose the core essence of your being ;)

And sorry for scaring you, It's just that I find this topic interesting, interesting enough even to become a (semi-)active poster on NS general.
Nah, you don't really understand anything from that. I just like being silly.:p I've already said my bit about this.
Thanks.

Now I remember! I can't aim the chandelier properly if I can't see!:)

Ah, an excellent point. *nods*

Ah, an excellent point. *nods*

Yes, I thought so, too.